This is a modern-English version of Half a Life-Time Ago, originally written by Gaskell, Elizabeth Cleghorn.
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and grammar—to ensure clarity for contemporary readers, while preserving the original spirit and nuance. If
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Half a Life-time Ago
by Elizabeth Gaskell
Contents
CHAPTER I. |
CHAPTER II. |
CHAPTER III. |
CHAPTER IV. |
CHAPTER V. |
CHAPTER I.
Half a life-time ago, there lived in one of the Westmoreland dales a single woman, of the name of Susan Dixon. She was owner of the small farm-house where she resided, and of some thirty or forty acres of land by which it was surrounded. She had also an hereditary right to a sheep-walk, extending to the wild fells that overhang Blea Tarn. In the language of the country she was a Stateswoman. Her house is yet to be seen on the Oxenfell road, between Skelwith and Coniston. You go along a moorland track, made by the carts that occasionally came for turf from the Oxenfell. A brook babbles and brattles by the wayside, giving you a sense of companionship, which relieves the deep solitude in which this way is usually traversed. Some miles on this side of Coniston there is a farmstead—a gray stone house, and a square of farm-buildings surrounding a green space of rough turf, in the midst of which stands a mighty, funereal umbrageous yew, making a solemn shadow, as of death, in the very heart and centre of the light and heat of the brightest summer day. On the side away from the house, this yard slopes down to a dark-brown pool, which is supplied with fresh water from the overflowings of a stone cistern, into which some rivulet of the brook before-mentioned continually and melodiously falls bubbling. The cattle drink out of this cistern. The household bring their pitchers and fill them with drinking-water by a dilatory, yet pretty, process. The water-carrier brings with her a leaf of the hound’s-tongue fern, and, inserting it in the crevice of the gray rock, makes a cool, green spout for the sparkling stream.
Half a lifetime ago, there lived in one of the Westmoreland valleys a single woman named Susan Dixon. She owned the small farmhouse where she lived, along with about thirty or forty acres of land surrounding it. She also had a right to a sheep-walk that stretched up to the wild hills overlooking Blea Tarn. In local terms, she was known as a Stateswoman. Her house is still visible on the Oxenfell road, situated between Skelwith and Coniston. You follow a moorland path made by the carts that sometimes came for turf from the Oxenfell. A brook gurgles beside the path, creating a sense of companionship that breaks the deep solitude usually felt on this route. A few miles before Coniston, there is a farmstead— a gray stone house and a group of outbuildings surrounding a patch of rough turf, where a large, shadowy yew tree stands, casting a solemn shade that feels like death in the heart of the bright summer day. On the side opposite the house, this yard slopes down to a dark-brown pool, fed by fresh water from a stone cistern that collects the bubbly overflow from the aforementioned brook. The cattle drink from this cistern, and the household fills their pitchers with drinking water through a slow, yet charming, process. The water-carrier takes a leaf from the hound’s-tongue fern and tucks it into a crevice of the gray rock, creating a cool, green spout for the sparkling stream.
The house is no specimen, at the present day, of what it was in the lifetime of Susan Dixon. Then, every small diamond pane in the windows glittered with cleanliness. You might have eaten off the floor; you could see yourself in the pewter plates and the polished oaken awmry, or dresser, of the state kitchen into which you entered. Few strangers penetrated further than this room. Once or twice, wandering tourists, attracted by the lonely picturesqueness of the situation, and the exquisite cleanliness of the house itself, made their way into this house-place, and offered money enough (as they thought) to tempt the hostess to receive them as lodgers. They would give no trouble, they said; they would be out rambling or sketching all day long; would be perfectly content with a share of the food which she provided for herself; or would procure what they required from the Waterhead Inn at Coniston. But no liberal sum—no fair words—moved her from her stony manner, or her monotonous tone of indifferent refusal. No persuasion could induce her to show any more of the house than that first room; no appearance of fatigue procured for the weary an invitation to sit down and rest; and if one more bold and less delicate did so without being asked, Susan stood by, cold and apparently deaf, or only replying by the briefest monosyllables, till the unwelcome visitor had departed. Yet those with whom she had dealings, in the way of selling her cattle or her farm produce, spoke of her as keen after a bargain—a hard one to have to do with; and she never spared herself exertion or fatigue, at market or in the field, to make the most of her produce. She led the hay-makers with her swift, steady rake, and her noiseless evenness of motion. She was about among the earliest in the market, examining samples of oats, pricing them, and then turning with grim satisfaction to her own cleaner corn.
The house isn't a great example of what it was during Susan Dixon's time. Back then, every small diamond-shaped window pane sparkled with cleanliness. You could have eaten off the floor; you could see your reflection in the pewter plates and the polished oak dresser in the main kitchen you entered. Few visitors went beyond this room. Once or twice, wandering tourists, drawn by the picturesque isolation and the immaculate state of the house, made their way inside and offered what they thought was a tempting amount of money for the hostess to host them as guests. They promised not to be a bother; they would be out exploring or sketching all day and would be perfectly satisfied with just a share of the food she prepared for herself or would get what they needed from the Waterhead Inn in Coniston. But no amount of money or sweet talk could change her cold demeanor or her monotonous "no." No amount of persuasion would get her to reveal any part of the house beyond that first room; no show of exhaustion got the tired a chance to sit and rest; and if someone bolder and less courteous did sit down without being invited, Susan would stand by, cold and seemingly unresponsive, only replying in the briefest words until the unwanted guest left. Yet those who dealt with her in selling her cattle or farm products described her as tough on a deal—hard to negotiate with; she never held back on effort or fatigue, whether at market or in the field, to make the most of her goods. She would lead the hay-makers with her quick, steady rake, moving smoothly and quietly. She was often one of the first at the market, checking samples of oats, pricing them, and then turning with grim satisfaction to her own cleaner grain.
She was served faithfully and long by those who were rather her fellow-labourers than her servants. She was even and just in her dealings with them. If she was peculiar and silent, they knew her, and knew that she might be relied on. Some of them had known her from her childhood; and deep in their hearts was an unspoken—almost unconscious—pity for her, for they knew her story, though they never spoke of it.
She was loyally supported for a long time by those who were more like her colleagues than her employees. She was fair and equitable in her interactions with them. Even though she was a bit unique and reserved, they understood her and knew they could count on her. Some of them had known her since she was a child, and deep down, they felt an unspoken—almost instinctive—sympathy for her because they knew her story, even though they never discussed it.
Yes; the time had been when that tall, gaunt, hard-featured, angular woman—who never smiled, and hardly ever spoke an unnecessary word—had been a fine-looking girl, bright-spirited and rosy; and when the hearth at the Yew Nook had been as bright as she, with family love and youthful hope and mirth. Fifty or fifty-one years ago, William Dixon and his wife Margaret were alive; and Susan, their daughter, was about eighteen years old—ten years older than the only other child, a boy named after his father. William and Margaret Dixon were rather superior people, of a character belonging—as far as I have seen—exclusively to the class of Westmoreland and Cumberland statesmen—just, independent, upright; not given to much speaking; kind-hearted, but not demonstrative; disliking change, and new ways, and new people; sensible and shrewd; each household self-contained, and its members having little curiosity as to their neighbours, with whom they rarely met for any social intercourse, save at the stated times of sheep-shearing and Christmas; having a certain kind of sober pleasure in amassing money, which occasionally made them miserable (as they call miserly people up in the north) in their old age; reading no light or ephemeral literature, but the grave, solid books brought round by the pedlars (such as the “Paradise Lost” and “Regained,’” “The Death of Abel,” “The Spiritual Quixote,” and “The Pilgrim’s Progress”), were to be found in nearly every house: the men occasionally going off laking, i.e. playing, i.e. drinking for days together, and having to be hunted up by anxious wives, who dared not leave their husbands to the chances of the wild precipitous roads, but walked miles and miles, lantern in hand, in the dead of night, to discover and guide the solemnly-drunken husband home; who had a dreadful headache the next day, and the day after that came forth as grave, and sober, and virtuous looking as if there were no such thing as malt and spirituous liquors in the world; and who were seldom reminded of their misdoings by their wives, to whom such occasional outbreaks were as things of course, when once the immediate anxiety produced by them was over. Such were—such are—the characteristics of a class now passing away from the face of the land, as their compeers, the yeomen, have done before them. Of such was William Dixon. He was a shrewd clever farmer, in his day and generation, when shrewdness was rather shown in the breeding and rearing of sheep and cattle than in the cultivation of land. Owing to this character of his, statesmen from a distance from beyond Kendal, or from Borrowdale, of greater wealth than he, would send their sons to be farm-servants for a year or two with him, in order to learn some of his methods before setting up on land of their own. When Susan, his daughter, was about seventeen, one Michael Hurst was farm-servant at Yew Nook. He worked with the master, and lived with the family, and was in all respects treated as an equal, except in the field. His father was a wealthy statesman at Wythburne, up beyond Grasmere; and through Michael’s servitude the families had become acquainted, and the Dixons went over to the High Beck sheep-shearing, and the Hursts came down by Red Bank and Loughrig Tarn and across the Oxenfell when there was the Christmas-tide feasting at Yew Nook. The fathers strolled round the fields together, examined cattle and sheep, and looked knowing over each other’s horses. The mothers inspected the dairies and household arrangements, each openly admiring the plans of the other, but secretly preferring their own. Both fathers and mothers cast a glance from time to time at Michael and Susan, who were thinking of nothing less than farm or dairy, but whose unspoken attachment was, in all ways, so suitable and natural a thing that each parent rejoiced over it, although with characteristic reserve it was never spoken about—not even between husband and wife.
Yes; there was a time when that tall, thin, sharp-featured woman—who never smiled and hardly ever said anything unnecessary—had been a beautiful young girl, full of spirit and rosy-cheeked; and when the fireplace at the Yew Nook had sparkled as much as she did, filled with family love, youthful hope, and laughter. Fifty or fifty-one years ago, William Dixon and his wife Margaret were alive, and their daughter Susan was around eighteen—ten years older than their only other child, a boy named after his father. William and Margaret Dixon were fairly remarkable people, characterized—as far as I’ve seen—uniquely by the class of Westmoreland and Cumberland landowners—just, independent, and upright; not prone to much talking; kind-hearted but not overly expressive; resistant to change, new ways, and new people; sensible and shrewd; each household self-sufficient, with little curiosity about their neighbors, whom they rarely interacted with socially, except during sheep-shearing and Christmas; they took a certain sober pleasure in accumulating money, which sometimes made them miserable (as they refer to miserly people up north) in old age; they didn’t read light or fluffy literature, but instead the serious, substantial books brought by the traveling salesmen (like "Paradise Lost" and "Paradise Regained," "The Death of Abel," "The Spiritual Quixote," and "The Pilgrim’s Progress") that were found in nearly every home: the men sometimes went off to "lake," i.e., play, i.e., drink, for days on end, and had to be found by worried wives who couldn’t risk leaving their husbands to the dangers of the wild steep roads, but would walk miles and miles with a lantern in hand, in the dead of night, to find and guide their solemnly drunk husbands home; the husbands would wake up with terrible headaches the next day and reappear a couple of days later looking as serious, sober, and virtuous as if malt and spirits didn’t exist; and they were seldom reminded of their misdeeds by their wives, who saw such occasional outbursts as just part of life once their immediate worry had passed. Such were—such are—the traits of a class now fading away from the land, just like the yeomen before them. William Dixon was one of them. He was a clever farmer in his day, when cleverness was more evident in breeding and raising sheep and cattle than cultivating land. Because of this, wealthier landowners from beyond Kendal or Borrowdale would send their sons to work as farmhands for a year or two with him to learn some of his methods before setting up their own farms. When Susan, his daughter, was about seventeen, a young man named Michael Hurst worked as a farmhand at Yew Nook. He worked with the master and lived with the family, treated as an equal in all respects except in the field. His father was a wealthy landowner in Wythburne, beyond Grasmere; through Michael's time working there, the two families got to know each other, and the Dixons went to the High Beck sheep-shearing, while the Hursts came down by Red Bank and Loughrig Tarn and across the Oxenfell for Christmas feasts at Yew Nook. The fathers strolled around the fields together, examined cattle and sheep, and exchanged knowing looks over each other’s horses. The mothers examined the dairies and household setups, each openly admiring the other's plans while secretly preferring their own. Both fathers and mothers would occasionally glance at Michael and Susan, who were thinking about anything but farming or dairy, but whose unspoken bond was so fitting and natural that each parent was delighted by it, although, with characteristic reserve, it was never discussed—not even between husband and wife.
Susan had been a strong, independent, healthy girl; a clever help to her mother, and a spirited companion to her father; more of a man in her (as he often said) than her delicate little brother ever would have. He was his mother’s darling, although she loved Susan well. There was no positive engagement between Michael and Susan—I doubt whether even plain words of love had been spoken; when one winter-time Margaret Dixon was seized with inflammation consequent upon a neglected cold. She had always been strong and notable, and had been too busy to attend to the early symptoms of illness. It would go off, she said to the woman who helped in the kitchen; or if she did not feel better when they had got the hams and bacon out of hand, she would take some herb-tea and nurse up a bit. But Death could not wait till the hams and bacon were cured: he came on with rapid strides, and shooting arrows of portentous agony. Susan had never seen illness—never knew how much she loved her mother till now, when she felt a dreadful, instinctive certainty that she was losing her. Her mind was thronged with recollections of the many times she had slighted her mother’s wishes; her heart was full of the echoes of careless and angry replies that she had spoken. What would she not now give to have opportunities of service and obedience, and trials of her patience and love, for that dear mother who lay gasping in torture! And yet Susan had been a good girl and an affectionate daughter.
Susan had been a strong, independent, healthy girl; a smart help to her mother and a lively companion to her father—more of a man in her (as he often said) than her delicate little brother would ever be. He was his mother’s favorite, even though she loved Susan a lot. There was no real connection between Michael and Susan—I doubt if even straightforward words of love had been exchanged; when one winter, Margaret Dixon was struck down by severe inflammation after ignoring a cold. She had always been strong and remarkable, too busy to pay attention to the early signs of illness. It would pass, she told the woman who helped in the kitchen; or if she didn’t feel better after they got the hams and bacon ready, she would brew some herbal tea and rest a bit. But Death couldn’t wait until the hams and bacon were prepared: he approached quickly, shooting arrows of intense pain. Susan had never experienced illness—never realized how much she loved her mother until now, when she felt a terrifying, instinctive certainty that she was losing her. Her mind was flooded with memories of all the times she had dismissed her mother’s wishes; her heart was filled with the echoes of careless and angry words she had said. What would she give now to have opportunities to serve and obey, and to face trials of her patience and love, for that dear mother who lay suffering in agony! And yet, Susan had been a good girl and a loving daughter.
The sharp pain went off, and delicious ease came on; yet still her mother sunk. In the midst of this languid peace she was dying. She motioned Susan to her bedside, for she could only whisper; and then, while the father was out of the room, she spoke as much to the eager, hungering eyes of her daughter by the motion of her lips, as by the slow, feeble sounds of her voice.
The sharp pain faded away, and a comforting ease took over; yet her mother continued to slip away. In the middle of this soothing calm, she was dying. She signaled for Susan to come to her bedside, as she could only speak in a whisper; and then, while the father was out of the room, she communicated as much to the eager, longing eyes of her daughter through the movement of her lips as through the slow, weak sounds of her voice.
“Susan, lass, thou must not fret. It is God’s will, and thou wilt have a deal to do. Keep father straight if thou canst; and if he goes out Ulverstone ways, see that thou meet him before he gets to the Old Quarry. It’s a dree bit for a man who has had a drop. As for lile Will”—Here the poor woman’s face began to work and her fingers to move nervously as they lay on the bed-quilt—“lile Will will miss me most of all. Father’s often vexed with him because he’s not a quick strong lad; he is not, my poor lile chap. And father thinks he’s saucy, because he cannot always stomach oat-cake and porridge. There’s better than three pound in th’ old black tea-pot on the top shelf of the cupboard. Just keep a piece of loaf-bread by you, Susan dear, for Will to come to when he’s not taken his breakfast. I have, may be, spoilt him; but there’ll be no one to spoil him now.”
“Susan, dear, you mustn't worry. It's God's will, and you'll have a lot to handle. Keep an eye on father if you can; and if he heads out towards Ulverstone, make sure to catch him before he gets to the Old Quarry. It can be tough for a man who's had a drink. As for little Will”—Here the poor woman’s face started to twitch and her fingers moved nervously as they rested on the bedspread—“little Will will miss me the most. Father often gets annoyed with him because he’s not a strong, quick boy; he really isn’t, my poor little guy. And father thinks he’s cheeky because he can't always eat oat-cake and porridge. There’s more than three pounds in the old black teapot on the top shelf of the cupboard. Just keep a piece of bread nearby, dear Susan, for Will to have when he hasn't had breakfast. I may have spoiled him; but there won’t be anyone to spoil him now.”
She began to cry a low, feeble cry, and covered up her face that Susan might not see her. That dear face! those precious moments while yet the eyes could look out with love and intelligence. Susan laid her head down close by her mother’s ear.
She started to cry softly and weakly, covering her face so Susan wouldn't see her. That sweet face! Those precious moments when her eyes could still show love and understanding. Susan rested her head close to her mother's ear.
“Mother I’ll take tent of Will. Mother, do you hear? He shall not want ought I can give or get for him, least of all the kind words which you had ever ready for us both. Bless you! bless you! my own mother.”
“Mom, I’ll take care of Will. Mom, can you hear me? He won’t lack for anything I can give or find for him, especially not the kind words you always had ready for both of us. Bless you! Bless you! my dear mom.”
“Thou’lt promise me that, Susan, wilt thou? I can die easy if thou’lt take charge of him. But he’s hardly like other folk; he tries father at times, though I think father’ll be tender of him when I’m gone, for my sake. And, Susan, there’s one thing more. I never spoke on it for fear of the bairn being called a tell-tale, but I just comforted him up. He vexes Michael at times, and Michael has struck him before now. I did not want to make a stir; but he’s not strong, and a word from thee, Susan, will go a long way with Michael.”
“Will you promise me that, Susan? I can die peacefully if you’ll take care of him. But he’s not like other people; he can try father’s patience at times, though I believe father will look after him gently once I’m gone, for my sake. And, Susan, there’s one more thing. I never mentioned it before because I was worried about the child being called a tattletale, but I just wanted to comfort him. He annoys Michael sometimes, and Michael has hit him in the past. I didn’t want to cause a scene; but he’s not strong, and your word, Susan, will mean a lot to Michael.”
Susan was as red now as she had been pale before; it was the first time that her influence over Michael had been openly acknowledged by a third person, and a flash of joy came athwart the solemn sadness of the moment. Her mother had spoken too much, and now came on the miserable faintness. She never spoke again coherently; but when her children and her husband stood by her bedside, she took lile Will’s hand and put it into Susan’s, and looked at her with imploring eyes. Susan clasped her arms round Will, and leaned her head upon his little curly one, and vowed within herself to be as a mother to him.
Susan was as red now as she had been pale before; it was the first time that her influence over Michael had been openly acknowledged by someone else, and a burst of joy pierced the solemn sadness of the moment. Her mother had said too much, and now she felt a terrible faintness. She never spoke again clearly; but when her children and her husband stood by her bedside, she took Will’s hand and placed it into Susan’s, looking at her with pleading eyes. Susan wrapped her arms around Will, rested her head on his little curly one, and promised herself to be like a mother to him.
Henceforward she was all in all to her brother. She was a more spirited and amusing companion to him than his mother had been, from her greater activity, and perhaps, also, from her originality of character, which often prompted her to perform her habitual actions in some new and racy manner. She was tender to lile Will when she was prompt and sharp with everybody else—with Michael most of all; for somehow the girl felt that, unprotected by her mother, she must keep up her own dignity, and not allow her lover to see how strong a hold he had upon her heart. He called her hard and cruel, and left her so; and she smiled softly to herself, when his back was turned, to think how little he guessed how deeply he was loved. For Susan was merely comely and fine looking; Michael was strikingly handsome, admired by all the girls for miles round, and quite enough of a country coxcomb to know it and plume himself accordingly. He was the second son of his father; the eldest would have High Beck farm, of course, but there was a good penny in the Kendal bank in store for Michael. When harvest was over, he went to Chapel Langdale to learn to dance; and at night, in his merry moods, he would do his steps on the flag floor of the Yew Nook kitchen, to the secret admiration of Susan, who had never learned dancing, but who flouted him perpetually, even while she admired, in accordance with the rule she seemed to have made for herself about keeping him at a distance so long as he lived under the same roof with her. One evening he sulked at some saucy remark of hers; he sitting in the chimney corner with his arms on his knees, and his head bent forwards, lazily gazing into the wood-fire on the hearth, and luxuriating in rest after a hard day’s labour; she sitting among the geraniums on the long, low window-seat, trying to catch the last slanting rays of the autumnal light to enable her to finish stitching a shirt-collar for Will, who lounged full length on the flags at the other side of the hearth to Michael, poking the burning wood from time to time with a long hazel-stick to bring out the leap of glittering sparks.
From that point on, she meant everything to her brother. She was a more lively and entertaining companion to him than their mother had been, thanks to her greater energy and perhaps her unique personality, which often led her to do her usual tasks in fresh and engaging ways. She was gentle with Will while being quick and blunt with everyone else—especially with Michael; she felt that, without her mother around, she needed to maintain her self-respect and not let her boyfriend see just how much he meant to her. He called her harsh and unkind, and he left her feeling that way; she smiled quietly to herself when he wasn’t looking, knowing how little he realized the depth of her love for him. Susan was attractive and nice-looking; Michael was strikingly handsome, admired by girls from miles around, and just enough of a country dandy to recognize it and flaunt it. He was the second son; the eldest would inherit High Beck farm, but there was a good amount of money saved up for Michael in the Kendal bank. After the harvest, he went to Chapel Langdale to learn how to dance, and at night, in his cheerful moments, he would show off his moves on the flagstone floor of the Yew Nook kitchen, secretly impressing Susan, who had never learned to dance but always teased him, even while holding her admiration back as part of her plan to keep him at a distance while they lived under the same roof. One evening, he sulked after she made a cheeky comment; he sat in the corner by the fireplace with his arms on his knees, his head bent forward, lazily watching the wood fire while enjoying a moment of relaxation after a hard day’s work. She was perched among the geraniums on the long, low window seat, trying to catch the last slants of autumn light to finish stitching a shirt collar for Will, who lay stretched out on the flagstones on the opposite side of the hearth from Michael, occasionally poking the burning wood with a long hazel stick to send up a shower of sparkling embers.
“And if you can dance a threesome reel, what good does it do ye?” asked Susan, looking askance at Michael, who had just been vaunting his proficiency. “Does it help you plough, reap, or even climb the rocks to take a raven’s nest? If I were a man, I’d be ashamed to give in to such softness.”
“And if you can dance a threesome reel, what good does that do you?” asked Susan, eyeing Michael skeptically, who had just been bragging about his skills. “Does it help you plow, harvest, or even climb the rocks to take a raven’s nest? If I were a man, I’d be embarrassed to give in to such weakness.”
“If you were a man, you’d be glad to do anything which made the pretty girls stand round and admire.”
“If you were a guy, you’d be happy to do anything that made the pretty girls gather around and admire you.”
“As they do to you, eh! Ho, Michael, that would not be my way o’ being a man!”
“As they do to you, right? Hey, Michael, that’s not how I would be a man!”
“What would then?” asked he, after a pause, during which he had expected in vain that she would go on with her sentence. No answer.
“What happens next?” he asked after a pause, during which he had waited in vain for her to continue her sentence. No answer.
“I should not like you as a man, Susy; you’d be too hard and headstrong.”
“I wouldn't like you as a man, Susy; you'd be too tough and stubborn.”
“Am I hard and headstrong?” asked she, with as indifferent a tone as she could assume, but which yet had a touch of pique in it. His quick ear detected the inflexion.
“Am I stubborn and strong-willed?” she asked, using the most indifferent tone she could manage, but it still revealed a hint of irritation. His sharp ear caught the inflection.
“No, Susy! You’re wilful at times, and that’s right enough. I don’t like a girl without spirit. There’s a mighty pretty girl comes to the dancing class; but she is all milk and water. Her eyes never flash like yours when you’re put out; why, I can see them flame across the kitchen like a cat’s in the dark. Now, if you were a man, I should feel queer before those looks of yours; as it is, I rather like them, because—”
“No, Susy! You can be stubborn sometimes, and that’s okay. I like a girl with some spirit. There’s a really pretty girl who comes to the dance class, but she’s all soft and bland. Her eyes never shine like yours do when you’re annoyed; I can see them light up across the kitchen like a cat’s in the dark. If you were a guy, I’d feel a bit strange in front of those looks of yours; but since you’re not, I kind of like them because—”
“Because what?” asked she, looking up and perceiving that he had stolen close up to her.
"Why's that?" she asked, looking up and noticing that he had moved in closer to her.
“Because I can make all right in this way,” said he, kissing her suddenly.
“Because I can make everything okay this way,” he said, kissing her suddenly.
“Can you?” said she, wrenching herself out of his grasp and panting, half with rage. “Take that, by way of proof that making right is none so easy.” And she boxed his ears pretty sharply. He went back to his seat discomfited and out of temper. She could no longer see to look, even if her face had not burnt and her eyes dazzled, but she did not choose to move her seat, so she still preserved her stooping attitude and pretended to go on sewing.
“Can you?” she said, pulling herself free from his grip and breathing heavily, partly out of anger. “Take that as proof that making things right isn’t so simple.” And she slapped his ears pretty hard. He returned to his seat, feeling embarrassed and annoyed. She couldn’t bear to look anymore, even if her face wasn’t flushed and her eyes weren’t blurred, but she didn’t want to change her seat, so she kept her bent posture and pretended to keep sewing.
“Eleanor Hebthwaite may be milk-and-water,” muttered he, “but—Confound thee, lad! what art thou doing?” exclaimed Michael, as a great piece of burning wood was cast into his face by an unlucky poke of Will’s. “Thou great lounging, clumsy chap, I’ll teach thee better!” and with one or two good round kicks he sent the lad whimpering away into the back-kitchen. When he had a little recovered himself from his passion, he saw Susan standing before him, her face looking strange and almost ghastly by the reversed position of the shadows, arising from the firelight shining upwards right under it.
“Eleanor Hebthwaite might be soft,” he muttered, “but—Damn it, kid! What are you doing?” Michael exclaimed as a large piece of burning wood was thrown into his face by an unfortunate poke from Will. “You big lazy oaf, I’ll teach you a lesson!” With a couple of solid kicks, he sent the kid whimpering off to the back kitchen. Once he calmed down a bit from his anger, he noticed Susan standing in front of him, her face looking strange and almost ghostly from the weird shadows cast by the firelight shining up from below.
“I tell thee what, Michael,” said she, “that lad’s motherless, but not friendless.”
“I'll tell you something, Michael,” she said, “that kid doesn’t have a mother, but he’s not without friends.”
“His own father leathers him, and why should not I, when he’s given me such a burn on my face?” said Michael, putting up his hand to his cheek as if in pain.
“His own dad beats him, so why shouldn't I, when he gave me such a burn on my face?” said Michael, raising his hand to his cheek as if it hurt.
“His father’s his father, and there is nought more to be said. But if he did burn thee, it was by accident, and not o’ purpose; as thou kicked him, it’s a mercy if his ribs are not broken.”
“His father is his father, and there’s nothing more to say about it. But if he did burn you, it was an accident, not on purpose; since you kicked him, it’s a miracle if his ribs aren’t broken.”
“He howls loud enough, I’m sure. I might ha’ kicked many a lad twice as hard, and they’d ne’er ha’ said ought but ‘damn ye;’ but yon lad must needs cry out like a stuck pig if one touches him;” replied Michael, sullenly.
“He screams loud enough, I’m sure. I could have kicked many a guy twice as hard, and they would’ve just said ‘damn you;’ but that kid has to cry out like a stuck pig if you even touch him,” replied Michael, sulkily.
Susan went back to the window-seat, and looked absently out of the window at the drifting clouds for a minute or two, while her eyes filled with tears. Then she got up and made for the outer door which led into the back-kitchen. Before she reached it, however, she heard a low voice, whose music made her thrill, say—
Susan returned to the window seat and stared blankly out the window at the drifting clouds for a minute or two, while her eyes filled with tears. Then she got up and headed for the outer door that led into the back kitchen. Before she got there, though, she heard a soft voice, whose melody made her pulse quicken, say—
“Susan, Susan!”
“Susan, Susan!”
Her heart melted within her, but it seemed like treachery to her poor boy, like faithlessness to her dead mother, to turn to her lover while the tears which he had caused to flow were yet unwiped on Will’s cheeks. So she seemed to take no heed, but passed into the darkness, and, guided by the sobs, she found her way to where Willie sat crouched among the disused tubs and churns.
Her heart ached, but it felt like betrayal to her poor boy and disloyalty to her deceased mother to turn to her lover while the tears he had caused were still fresh on Will’s cheeks. So she tried to ignore it and moved into the darkness, following the sound of the sobs to where Willie sat huddled among the old tubs and churns.
“Come out wi’ me, lad;” and they went out into the orchard, where the fruit-trees were bare of leaves, but ghastly in their tattered covering of gray moss: and the soughing November wind came with long sweeps over the fells till it rattled among the crackling boughs, underneath which the brother and sister sat in the dark; he in her lap, and she hushing his head against her shoulder.
“Come out with me, kid;” and they went into the orchard, where the fruit trees had no leaves but looked eerie in their ragged gray moss covering. The howling November wind swept across the hills, making it rattle among the cracking branches, under which the brother and sister sat in the dark; he in her lap, and she gently resting his head against her shoulder.
“Thou should’st na’ play wi’ fire. It’s a naughty trick. Thoul’t suffer for it in worse ways nor this before thou’st done, I’m afeared. I should ha’ hit thee twice as lungeous kicks as Mike, if I’d been in his place. He did na’ hurt thee, I am sure,” she assumed, half as a question.
“You shouldn’t play with fire. It’s a dangerous game. You’ll suffer for it in worse ways than this before you’re done, I’m afraid. I would have hit you twice as hard as Mike did if I’d been in his position. I’m sure he didn’t hurt you,” she said, half asking.
“Yes but he did. He turned me quite sick.” And he let his head fall languidly down on his sister’s breast.
“Yes, but he did. He made me really sick.” And he let his head drop softly onto his sister’s chest.
“Come, lad! come, lad!” said she anxiously. “Be a man. It was not much that I saw. Why, when first the red cow came she kicked me far harder for offering to milk her before her legs were tied. See thee! here’s a peppermint-drop, and I’ll make thee a pasty to-night; only don’t give way so, for it hurts me sore to think that Michael has done thee any harm, my pretty.”
“Come on, kid! Come on!” she said anxiously. “Be brave. I didn't see much. Remember when the red cow came and kicked me way harder just for trying to milk her before her legs were tied? Look! Here’s a peppermint drop, and I’ll make you a pie tonight; just don’t lose it like that, because it really hurts me to think that Michael has harmed you, my dear.”
Willie roused himself up, and put back the wet and ruffled hair from his heated face; and he and Susan rose up, and hand-in-hand went towards the house, walking slowly and quietly except for a kind of sob which Willie could not repress. Susan took him to the pump and washed his tear-stained face, till she thought she had obliterated all traces of the recent disturbance, arranging his curls for him, and then she kissed him tenderly, and led him in, hoping to find Michael in the kitchen, and make all straight between them. But the blaze had dropped down into darkness; the wood was a heap of gray ashes in which the sparks ran hither and thither; but even in the groping darkness Susan knew by the sinking at her heart that Michael was not there. She threw another brand on the hearth and lighted the candle, and sat down to her work in silence. Willie cowered on his stool by the side of the fire, eyeing his sister from time to time, and sorry and oppressed, he knew not why, by the sight of her grave, almost stern face. No one came. They two were in the house alone. The old woman who helped Susan with the household work had gone out for the night to some friend’s dwelling. William Dixon, the father, was up on the fells seeing after his sheep. Susan had no heart to prepare the evening meal.
Willie got himself up and pushed back the wet, messy hair from his flushed face. He and Susan stood up, hand in hand, and slowly made their way to the house, walking quietly except for the soft sob that Willie couldn't hold back. Susan took him to the pump and washed his tear-streaked face until she thought she had gotten rid of all signs of the recent upset, fixing his curls before she kissed him gently and led him inside, hoping to find Michael in the kitchen and mend things between them. But the fire had died down to embers; the wood was now just a pile of gray ashes, with sparks flickering here and there. Even in the dim light, Susan sensed a sinking feeling in her heart that Michael wasn’t there. She tossed another log onto the fire, lit a candle, and sat down to her work in silence. Willie sat on his stool by the fire, glancing at his sister from time to time, feeling sorry and weighed down by the sight of her serious, almost stern expression. No one else came. They were alone in the house. The old woman who helped Susan with chores had gone out for the night to visit a friend. William Dixon, their father, was out on the hills checking on the sheep. Susan didn’t have the heart to prepare dinner.
“Susy, darling, are you angry with me?” said Willie, in his little piping, gentle voice. He had stolen up to his sister’s side. “I won’t never play with the fire again; and I’ll not cry if Michael does kick me. Only don’t look so like dead mother—don’t—don’t—please don’t!” he exclaimed, hiding his face on her shoulder.
“Susy, sweetheart, are you mad at me?” said Willie, in his soft, high-pitched voice. He had quietly approached his sister. “I won’t play with the fire again; and I won’t cry if Michael kicks me. Just don’t look so much like our dead mom—please don’t!” he said, burying his face in her shoulder.
“I’m not angry, Willie,” said she. “Don’t be feared on me. You want your supper, and you shall have it; and don’t you be feared on Michael. He shall give reason for every hair of your head that he touches—he shall.”
“I’m not angry, Willie,” she said. “Don’t be afraid of me. You want your dinner, and you’ll get it; and don’t worry about Michael. He’ll give a reason for every hair on your head that he touches—he will.”
When William Dixon came home he found Susan and Willie sitting together, hand-in-hand, and apparently pretty cheerful. He bade them go to bed, for that he would sit up for Michael; and the next morning, when Susan came down, she found that Michael had started an hour before with the cart for lime. It was a long day’s work; Susan knew it would be late, perhaps later than on the preceding night, before he returned—at any rate, past her usual bed-time; and on no account would she stop up a minute beyond that hour in the kitchen, whatever she might do in her bed-room. Here she sat and watched till past midnight; and when she saw him coming up the brow with the carts, she knew full well, even in that faint moonlight, that his gait was the gait of a man in liquor. But though she was annoyed and mortified to find in what way he had chosen to forget her, the fact did not disgust or shock her as it would have done many a girl, even at that day, who had not been brought up as Susan had, among a class who considered it no crime, but rather a mark of spirit, in a man to get drunk occasionally. Nevertheless, she chose to hold herself very high all the next day when Michael was, perforce, obliged to give up any attempt to do heavy work, and hung about the out-buildings and farm in a very disconsolate and sickly state. Willie had far more pity on him than Susan. Before evening, Willie and he were fast, and, on his side, ostentatious friends. Willie rode the horses down to water; Willie helped him to chop wood. Susan sat gloomily at her work, hearing an indistinct but cheerful conversation going on in the shippon, while the cows were being milked. She almost felt irritated with her little brother, as if he were a traitor, and had gone over to the enemy in the very battle that she was fighting in his cause. She was alone with no one to speak to, while they prattled on regardless if she were glad or sorry.
When William Dixon came home, he found Susan and Willie sitting together, holding hands and looking pretty cheerful. He told them to go to bed because he would wait up for Michael; and the next morning, when Susan came down, she discovered that Michael had left an hour earlier with the cart for lime. It was going to be a long day’s work; Susan knew it would be late, probably later than the night before, by the time he returned—definitely after her usual bedtime. No way would she stay up even a minute past that hour in the kitchen, no matter what she might do in her bedroom. So she sat and watched until past midnight; when she finally saw him coming up the hill with the carts, she could tell, even in the faint moonlight, that he was clearly drunk. Although she felt annoyed and humiliated by how he chose to forget her, she wasn’t disgusted or shocked like many girls might have been back then, especially those who hadn’t been raised like Susan, among people who thought it was no big deal, but rather a sign of character, for a man to get drunk occasionally. Still, she decided to hold her head high the next day while Michael, unable to do any heavy work, hung around the outbuildings and farm in a very gloomy and sickly state. Willie felt a lot more sympathy for him than Susan did. By evening, he and Michael were thick as thieves, and Michael was showing off his friendship. Willie took the horses down to the water; Willie helped him chop wood. Meanwhile, Susan sat gloomily at her work, listening to a vague but cheerful conversation coming from the shippon while the cows were being milked. She felt almost irritated with her little brother, as if he were a traitor who had joined the other side in the very battle she was fighting for his sake. She was alone, with no one to talk to, while they chattered on without a care whether she was happy or upset.
Soon Willie burst in. “Susan! Susan! come with me; I’ve something so pretty to show you. Round the corner of the barn—run! run!” (He was dragging her along, half reluctant, half desirous of some change in that weary day.) Round the corner of the barn; and caught hold of by Michael, who stood there awaiting her.
Soon Willie burst in. “Susan! Susan! Come with me; I have something really pretty to show you. Around the corner of the barn—run! run!” (He was pulling her along, part reluctant, part wanting a change from that dull day.) Around the corner of the barn; and she was grabbed by Michael, who was standing there waiting for her.
“O Willie!” cried she “you naughty boy. There is nothing pretty—what have you brought me here for? Let me go; I won’t be held.”
“O Willie!” she exclaimed, “you naughty boy. There's nothing nice—why did you bring me here? Let me go; I won’t be held back.”
“Only one word. Nay, if you wish it so much, you may go,” said Michael, suddenly loosing his hold as she struggled. But now she was free, she only drew off a step or two, murmuring something about Willie.
“Just one word. No, if you want it that badly, you can go,” said Michael, suddenly letting go as she fought against him. But now that she was free, she only took a step or two back, muttering something about Willie.
“You are going, then?” said Michael, with seeming sadness. “You won’t hear me say a word of what is in my heart.”
“You're leaving, then?” Michael said, sounding a bit sad. “You won’t get me to share what I really feel.”
“How can I tell whether it is what I should like to hear?” replied she, still drawing back.
“How can I know if it’s what I want to hear?” she replied, still pulling away.
“That is just what I want you to tell me; I want you to hear it and then to tell me whether you like it or not.”
“That’s exactly what I want you to tell me; I want you to hear it and then let me know if you like it or not.”
“Well, you may speak,” replied she, turning her back, and beginning to plait the hem of her apron.
“Well, go ahead and talk,” she replied, turning her back and starting to braid the edge of her apron.
He came close to her ear.
He leaned in close to her ear.
“I’m sorry I hurt Willie the other night. He has forgiven me. Can you?”
“I’m sorry I hurt Willie the other night. He has forgiven me. Can you forgive me too?”
“You hurt him very badly,” she replied. “But you are right to be sorry. I forgive you.”
“You really hurt him,” she said. “But you’re right to feel sorry. I forgive you.”
“Stop, stop!” said he, laying his hand upon her arm. “There is something more I’ve got to say. I want you to be my—what is it they call it, Susan?”
“Stop, stop!” he said, putting his hand on her arm. “There’s something else I need to say. I want you to be my—what do they call it, Susan?”
“I don’t know,” said she, half-laughing, but trying to get away with all her might now; and she was a strong girl, but she could not manage it.
“I don’t know,” she said, half-laughing, but trying to escape with all her strength now; and she was a strong girl, but she couldn’t pull it off.
“You do. My—what is it I want you to be?”
“You do. What is it that I want you to be?”
“I tell you I don’t know, and you had best be quiet, and just let me go in, or I shall think you’re as bad now as you were last night.”
"I’m telling you I don’t know, and you should just be quiet and let me go in, or I’ll think you’re just as bad now as you were last night."
“And how did you know what I was last night? It was past twelve when I came home. Were you watching? Ah, Susan! be my wife, and you shall never have to watch for a drunken husband. If I were your husband, I would come straight home, and count every minute an hour till I saw your bonny face. Now you know what I want you to be. I ask you to be my wife. Will you, my own dear Susan?”
“And how did you know where I was last night? It was after midnight when I got home. Were you watching? Oh, Susan! Marry me, and you’ll never have to worry about a drunken husband. If I were your husband, I would come straight home and count every minute like it was an hour until I saw your beautiful face. Now you know what I want from you. I’m asking you to be my wife. Will you, my sweet Susan?”
She did not speak for some time. Then she only said “Ask father.” And now she was really off like a lapwing round the corner of the barn, and up in her own little room, crying with all her might, before the triumphant smile had left Michael’s face where he stood.
She didn't say anything for a while. Then she just said, “Ask Dad.” And then she took off like a bird around the corner of the barn and went up to her own little room, crying her heart out, before the triumphant smile had faded from Michael's face as he stood there.
The “Ask father” was a mere form to be gone though. Old Daniel Hurst and William Dixon had talked over what they could respectively give their children before this; and that was the parental way of arranging such matters. When the probable amount of worldly gear that he could give his child had been named by each father, the young folk, as they said, might take their own time in coming to the point which the old men, with the prescience of experience, saw they were drifting to; no need to hurry them, for they were both young, and Michael, though active enough, was too thoughtless, old Daniel said, to be trusted with the entire management of a farm. Meanwhile, his father would look about him, and see after all the farms that were to be let.
The “Ask father” was just a formality. Old Daniel Hurst and William Dixon had already discussed what they could each offer their kids before this; that was how parents handled things. After each father had mentioned how much land or property he could provide for his child, the young couple could take their time deciding on the direction the older men, with their life experience, knew they were heading toward. There was no rush, since they were both young, and while Michael was energetic, old Daniel thought he was too careless to manage a farm by himself. In the meantime, his father would check out all the farms available for rent.
Michael had a shrewd notion of this preliminary understanding between the fathers, and so felt less daunted than he might otherwise have done at making the application for Susan’s hand. It was all right, there was not an obstacle; only a deal of good advice, which the lover thought might have as well been spared, and which it must be confessed he did not much attend to, although he assented to every part of it. Then Susan was called down stairs, and slowly came dropping into view down the steps which led from the two family apartments into the house-place. She tried to look composed and quiet, but it could not be done. She stood side by side with her lover, with her head drooping, her cheeks burning, not daring to look up or move, while her father made the newly-betrothed a somewhat formal address in which he gave his consent, and many a piece of worldly wisdom beside. Susan listened as well as she could for the beating of her heart; but when her father solemnly and sadly referred to his own lost wife, she could keep from sobbing no longer; but throwing her apron over her face, she sat down on the bench by the dresser, and fairly gave way to pent-up tears. Oh, how strangely sweet to be comforted as she was comforted, by tender caress, and many a low-whispered promise of love! Her father sat by the fire, thinking of the days that were gone; Willie was still out of doors; but Susan and Michael felt no one’s presence or absence—they only knew they were together as betrothed husband and wife.
Michael had a clever sense of the understanding between their fathers, so he felt less intimidated than he might have been about asking for Susan’s hand. Everything was fine; there was no obstacle, just a lot of well-meaning advice that he thought could have been skipped, and honestly, he didn’t pay much attention to it, even though he nodded along to everything. Then Susan was called downstairs, and she slowly appeared, coming down the steps that connected their two family rooms to the main part of the house. She tried to look calm and collected, but it just wasn’t happening. She stood next to her fiancé, her head down, cheeks flushed, too shy to look up or move, while her father gave the newly engaged couple a rather formal speech where he expressed his approval and shared bits of worldly wisdom alongside it. Susan listened as best as she could amidst the pounding of her heart; but when her father seriously and sadly mentioned his late wife, she couldn’t hold back her tears any longer. Covering her face with her apron, she sat down on the bench by the dresser and released her pent-up emotions. Oh, how wonderfully comforting it was to be consoled as she was, with gentle embraces and many softly whispered promises of love! Her father sat by the fire, reminiscing about the past; Willie was still outside; but Susan and Michael felt neither presence nor absence—they only knew they were together as engaged husband and wife.
In a week, or two, they were formally told of the arrangements to be made in their favour. A small farm in the neighbourhood happened to fall vacant; and Michael’s father offered to take it for him, and be responsible for the rent for the first year, while William Dixon was to contribute a certain amount of stock, and both fathers were to help towards the furnishing of the house. Susan received all this information in a quiet, indifferent way; she did not care much for any of these preparations, which were to hurry her through the happy hours; she cared least of all for the money amount of dowry and of substance. It jarred on her to be made the confidante of occasional slight repinings of Michael’s, as one by one his future father-in-law set aside a beast or a pig for Susan’s portion, which were not always the best animals of their kind upon the farm. But he also complained of his own father’s stinginess, which somewhat, though not much, alleviated Susan’s dislike to being awakened out of her pure dream of love to the consideration of worldly wealth.
In a week or two, they were officially informed about the arrangements being made for them. A small farm in the area became available, and Michael's father offered to take it for him and cover the rent for the first year. Meanwhile, William Dixon would contribute a certain amount of livestock, and both fathers would help furnish the house. Susan received all this information calmly and without much interest. She wasn’t particularly invested in these preparations that seemed to rush her through what should be happy moments; she cared the least about the money for the dowry and other material things. It bothered her to be the listener to Michael's occasional grumbles as his future father-in-law set aside a cow or a pig for Susan’s portion, which weren’t always the best specimens on the farm. However, he also complained about his own father's tight-fistedness, which somewhat, though not significantly, softened Susan's discomfort at being pulled out of her pure love dream to think about practical wealth.
But in the midst of all this bustle, Willie moped and pined. He had the same chord of delicacy running through his mind that made his body feeble and weak. He kept out of the way, and was apparently occupied in whittling and carving uncouth heads on hazel-sticks in an out-house. But he positively avoided Michael, and shrunk away even from Susan. She was too much occupied to notice this at first. Michael pointed it out to her, saying, with a laugh,—
But in the middle of all this commotion, Willie sulked and felt down. He had a recurring sense of fragility in his mind that made him feel weak and frail. He stayed out of the way and pretended to be busy whittling and carving strange faces on hazel sticks in a shed. But he actively avoided Michael and even shrank away from Susan. She was too preoccupied to notice this at first. Michael pointed it out to her, laughing,—
“Look at Willie! he might be a cast-off lover and jealous of me, he looks so dark and downcast at me.” Michael spoke this jest out loud, and Willie burst into tears, and ran out of the house.
“Look at Willie! He might be a rejected lover and jealous of me; he looks so gloomy and upset.” Michael said this as a joke, and Willie burst into tears and ran out of the house.
“Let me go. Let me go!” said Susan (for her lover’s arm was round her waist). “I must go to him if he’s fretting. I promised mother I would!” She pulled herself away, and went in search of the boy. She sought in byre and barn, through the orchard, where indeed in this leafless winter-time there was no great concealment; up into the room where the wool was usually stored in the later summer, and at last she found him, sitting at bay, like some hunted creature, up behind the wood-stack.
“Let me go. Let me go!” Susan exclaimed (since her lover had his arm around her waist). “I have to see him if he’s upset. I promised my mom I would!” She broke free and went off to find the boy. She searched in the barn and stable, through the orchard, where there was really nowhere to hide in this leafless winter, up into the room where they usually stored the wool in late summer, and finally, she found him, sitting there like a scared animal, tucked away behind the woodpile.
“What are ye gone for, lad, and me seeking you everywhere?” asked she, breathless.
“What are you off to, kid, when I’ve been looking for you everywhere?” she asked, out of breath.
“I did not know you would seek me. I’ve been away many a time, and no one has cared to seek me,” said he, crying afresh.
“I didn’t know you would look for me. I’ve been gone many times, and no one has cared to find me,” he said, crying again.
“Nonsense,” replied Susan, “don’t be so foolish, ye little good-for-nought.” But she crept up to him in the hole he had made underneath the great, brown sheafs of wood, and squeezed herself down by him. “What for should folk seek after you, when you get away from them whenever you can?” asked she.
“Nonsense,” replied Susan, “don’t be so foolish, you little good-for-nothing.” But she crept up to him in the hole he had made underneath the big, brown bundles of wood and squeezed herself down beside him. “Why would people look for you when you escape from them whenever you can?” she asked.
“They don’t want me to stay. Nobody wants me. If I go with father, he says I hinder more than I help. You used to like to have me with you. But now, you’ve taken up with Michael, and you’d rather I was away; and I can just bide away; but I cannot stand Michael jeering at me. He’s got you to love him and that might serve him.”
“They don’t want me to stick around. Nobody wants me. If I go with Dad, he says I hold him back more than I help. You used to enjoy having me around. But now, you've gotten close to Michael, and you'd prefer I was gone; I can just hang in there, but I can’t handle Michael mocking me. He has you to love him, and that might be enough for him.”
“But I love you, too, dearly, lad!” said she, putting her arm round his neck.
“But I love you too, dearly, kid!” she said, wrapping her arm around his neck.
“Which one of us do you like best?” said he, wistfully, after a little pause, putting her arm away, so that he might look in her face, and see if she spoke truth.
“Which one of us do you like best?” he asked, wistfully, after a brief pause, moving her arm away so he could look at her face and see if she was telling the truth.
She went very red.
She blushed deeply.
“You should not ask such questions. They are not fit for you to ask, nor for me to answer.”
“You shouldn't ask questions like that. They're not appropriate for you to ask, and they're not something I should answer.”
“But mother bade you love me!” said he, plaintively.
“But mom told you to love me!” he said, sadly.
“And so I do. And so I ever will do. Lover nor husband shall come betwixt thee and me, lad—ne’er a one of them. That I promise thee (as I promised mother before), in the sight of God and with her hearkening now, if ever she can hearken to earthly word again. Only I cannot abide to have thee fretting, just because my heart is large enough for two.”
“And so I do. And so I always will. No lover or husband will come between you and me, my friend—none of them. I promise you this (just like I promised my mother before), in the sight of God and with her listening now, if she can ever listen to earthly words again. I just can’t stand to see you worried, just because my heart is big enough for both of us.”
“And thou’lt love me always?”
“And you’ll always love me?”
“Always, and ever. And the more—the more thou’lt love Michael,” said she, dropping her voice.
“Always, and forever. And the more—you’ll love Michael even more,” she said, lowering her voice.
“I’ll try,” said the boy, sighing, for he remembered many a harsh word and blow of which his sister knew nothing. She would have risen up to go away, but he held her tight, for here and now she was all his own, and he did not know when such a time might come again. So the two sat crouched up and silent, till they heard the horn blowing at the field-gate, which was the summons home to any wanderers belonging to the farm, and at this hour of the evening, signified that supper was ready. Then the two went in.
“I'll try,” said the boy with a sigh, as memories of harsh words and hits flooded his mind—things his sister was completely unaware of. She almost stood up to leave, but he held onto her tightly because, in that moment, she was entirely his, and he didn't know when he might get a chance like this again. So, they both sat huddled together in silence until they heard the horn blow at the field gate, calling home any wanderers from the farm, indicating that dinner was ready at this time of day. Then, they both went inside.
CHAPTER II.
Susan and Michael were to be married in April. He had already gone to take possession of his new farm, three or four miles away from Yew Nook—but that is neighbouring, according to the acceptation of the word in that thinly-populated district,—when William Dixon fell ill. He came home one evening, complaining of head-ache and pains in his limbs, but seemed to loathe the posset which Susan prepared for him; the treacle-posset which was the homely country remedy against an incipient cold. He took to his bed with a sensation of exceeding weariness, and an odd, unusual looking-back to the days of his youth, when he was a lad living with his parents, in this very house.
Susan and Michael were set to get married in April. He had already gone to take over his new farm, located three or four miles from Yew Nook—but that was considered nearby in that sparsely populated area—when William Dixon got sick. He came home one evening, complaining of a headache and aches in his limbs, but seemed to reject the posset Susan made for him; the treacle posset, which was the local remedy for an early cold. He went to bed feeling extremely tired and had a strange, nostalgic longing for his youth when he was a boy living with his parents in this very house.
The next morning he had forgotten all his life since then, and did not know his own children; crying, like a newly-weaned baby, for his mother to come and soothe away his terrible pain. The doctor from Coniston said it was the typhus-fever, and warned Susan of its infectious character, and shook his head over his patient. There were no near friends to come and share her anxiety; only good, kind old Peggy, who was faithfulness itself, and one or two labourers’ wives, who would fain have helped her, had not their hands been tied by their responsibility to their own families. But, somehow, Susan neither feared nor flagged. As for fear, indeed, she had no time to give way to it, for every energy of both body and mind was required. Besides, the young have had too little experience of the danger of infection to dread it much. She did indeed wish, from time to time, that Michael had been at home to have taken Willie over to his father’s at High Beck; but then, again, the lad was docile and useful to her, and his fecklessness in many things might make him harshly treated by strangers; so, perhaps, it was as well that Michael was away at Appleby fair, or even beyond that—gone into Yorkshire after horses.
The next morning, he had forgotten everything about his life since then and didn’t recognize his own children; he cried like a newly-weaned baby, wanting his mother to come and ease his terrible pain. The doctor from Coniston said it was typhus and warned Susan about how contagious it was, shaking his head at his patient. There were no close friends to share her worry; only good, kind old Peggy, who was incredibly loyal, and a couple of laborers’ wives who would have liked to help her but were held back by their own family responsibilities. But somehow, Susan neither feared nor faltered. She didn’t have time to be scared, as every ounce of her body and mind was needed. Plus, young people have too little experience with the dangers of infection to fear it much. She did wish, occasionally, that Michael had been home to take Willie over to his father’s at High Beck; but then again, the boy was obedient and helpful to her, and his clumsiness in many things might make him treated harshly by strangers. So maybe it was for the best that Michael was away at the Appleby fair, or even further—gone into Yorkshire after horses.
Her father grew worse; and the doctor insisted on sending over a nurse from Coniston. Not a professed nurse—Coniston could not have supported such a one; but a widow who was ready to go where the doctor sent her for the sake of the payment. When she came, Susan suddenly gave way; she was felled by the fever herself, and lay unconscious for long weeks. Her consciousness returned to her one spring afternoon; early spring: April,—her wedding-month. There was a little fire burning in the small corner-grate, and the flickering of the blaze was enough for her to notice in her weak state. She felt that there was some one sitting on the window-side of her bed, behind the curtain, but she did not care to know who it was; it was even too great a trouble for her languid mind to consider who it was likely to be. She would rather shut her eyes, and melt off again into the gentle luxury of sleep. The next time she wakened, the Coniston nurse perceived her movement, and made her a cup of tea, which she drank with eager relish; but still they did not speak, and once more Susan lay motionless—not asleep, but strangely, pleasantly conscious of all the small chamber and household sounds; the fall of a cinder on the hearth, the fitful singing of the half-empty kettle, the cattle tramping out to field again after they had been milked, the aged step on the creaking stair—old Peggy’s, as she knew. It came to her door; it stopped; the person outside listened for a moment, and then lifted the wooden latch, and looked in. The watcher by the bedside arose, and went to her. Susan would have been glad to see Peggy’s face once more, but was far too weak to turn, so she lay and listened.
Her father got worse, and the doctor insisted on sending a nurse from Coniston. Not a trained nurse—Coniston couldn’t afford that—but a widow who was willing to go where the doctor sent her for the pay. When she arrived, Susan suddenly broke down; she was hit by the fever herself and lay unconscious for weeks. One spring afternoon, her consciousness returned; early spring: April—her wedding month. There was a small fire burning in the corner grate, and the flickering flames were enough for her to notice in her weak state. She sensed someone sitting by the window on her bed, behind the curtain, but she didn’t care to find out who it was; it was too much trouble for her tired mind to think about who it might be. She preferred to shut her eyes and drift back into the gentle comfort of sleep. The next time she woke up, the Coniston nurse noticed her movement and made her a cup of tea, which she drank eagerly; but they still didn’t speak, and once again, Susan lay still—not asleep, but oddly, pleasantly aware of all the small sounds in the room and the house: the sound of a cinder falling on the hearth, the sporadic whistling of the half-empty kettle, the cattle trampling back out to the fields after being milked, the familiar creaking of old Peggy’s steps on the stair—she recognized it. It stopped at her door; the person outside listened for a moment, then lifted the wooden latch and looked in. The watcher by the bedside stood up and went to her. Susan would have loved to see Peggy’s face again, but she was far too weak to turn, so she lay still and listened.
“How is she?” whispered one trembling, aged voice.
“How is she?” whispered one trembling, old voice.
“Better,” replied the other. “She’s been awake, and had a cup of tea. She’ll do now.”
“Better,” replied the other. “She’s been awake and had a cup of tea. She’ll be fine now.”
“Has she asked after him?”
“Has she asked about him?”
“Hush! No; she has not spoken a word.”
“Hush! No; she hasn’t said a word.”
“Poor lass! poor lass!”
“Poor girl! poor girl!”
The door was shut. A weak feeling of sorrow and self-pity came over Susan. What was wrong? Whom had she loved? And dawning, dawning, slowly rose the sun of her former life, and all particulars were made distinct to her. She felt that some sorrow was coming to her, and cried over it before she knew what it was, or had strength enough to ask. In the dead of night,—and she had never slept again,—she softly called to the watcher, and asked—
The door was closed. A sense of sadness and self-pity washed over Susan. What was wrong? Who had she loved? And slowly, the memories of her past life began to come into focus, making everything clear to her. She sensed that some sorrow was approaching and cried about it before she even understood what it was or had the strength to ask. In the dead of night—and she had never slept again—she quietly called to the watcher and asked—
“Who?”
“Who’s that?”
“Who what?” replied the woman, with a conscious affright, ill-veiled by a poor assumption of ease. “Lie still, there’s a darling, and go to sleep. Sleep’s better for you than all the doctor’s stuff.”
“Who what?” replied the woman, clearly frightened but trying to act calm. “Lie still, sweetheart, and go to sleep. Sleep is better for you than all the doctor’s medicine.”
“Who?” repeated Susan. “Something is wrong. Who?”
“Who?” Susan repeated. “Something is off. Who?”
“Oh, dear!” said the woman. “There’s nothing wrong. Willie has taken the turn, and is doing nicely.”
“Oh, dear!” said the woman. “There’s nothing wrong. Willie has turned a corner and is doing well.”
“Father?”
“Dad?”
“Well! he’s all right now,” she answered, looking another way, as if seeking for something.
“Well! He’s all good now,” she replied, looking away as if searching for something.
“Then it’s Michael! Oh, me! oh, me!” She set up a succession of weak, plaintive, hysterical cries before the nurse could pacify her, by declaring that Michael had been at the house not three hours before to ask after her, and looked as well and as hearty as ever man did.
“Then it’s Michael! Oh, no! oh, no!” She let out a series of weak, whiny, frantic screams before the nurse could calm her down by saying that Michael had been at the house just three hours earlier to check on her, and he looked as healthy and strong as ever.
“And you heard of no harm to him since?” inquired Susan.
“And you haven’t heard of any harm coming to him since?” asked Susan.
“Bless the lass, no, for sure! I’ve ne’er heard his name named since I saw him go out of the yard as stout a man as ever trod shoe-leather.”
“Bless the girl, no way! I’ve never heard his name mentioned since I saw him leave the yard as strong a man as ever walked in shoes.”
It was well, as the nurse said afterwards to Peggy, that Susan had been so easily pacified by the equivocating answer in respect to her father. If she had pressed the questions home in his case as she did in Michael’s, she would have learnt that he was dead and buried more than a month before. It was well, too, that in her weak state of convalescence (which lasted long after this first day of consciousness) her perceptions were not sharp enough to observe the sad change that had taken place in Willie. His bodily strength returned, his appetite was something enormous, but his eyes wandered continually; his regard could not be arrested; his speech became slow, impeded, and incoherent. People began to say that the fever had taken away the little wit Willie Dixon had ever possessed and that they feared that he would end in being a “natural,” as they call an idiot in the Dales.
It was a good thing, as the nurse later told Peggy, that Susan had been so easily calmed by the vague answer about her father. If she had pressed for the truth like she did with Michael, she would have found out that he had been dead and buried for more than a month. It was also fortunate that, during her fragile recovery (which lasted long after that first day of awareness), her perceptions weren’t sharp enough to notice the sad change in Willie. His physical strength returned, and his appetite was huge, but his eyes wandered constantly; he couldn't focus his gaze; his speech became slow, awkward, and jumbled. People began to say that the fever had taken away whatever little sense Willie Dixon had ever had, and they worried that he might end up being a “natural,” as they call an idiot in the Dales.
The habitual affection and obedience to Susan lasted longer than any other feeling that the boy had had previous to his illness; and, perhaps, this made her be the last to perceive what every one else had long anticipated. She felt the awakening rude when it did come. It was in this wise:—
The boy's constant affection and obedience to Susan lasted longer than any other feeling he had before his illness; and maybe that's why she was the last to notice what everyone else had expected for a while. When it finally hit her, it felt harsh. It happened like this:—
One June evening, she sat out of doors under the yew-tree, knitting. She was pale still from her recent illness; and her languor, joined to the fact of her black dress, made her look more than usually interesting. She was no longer the buoyant self-sufficient Susan, equal to every occasion. The men were bringing in the cows to be milked, and Michael was about in the yard giving orders and directions with somewhat the air of a master, for the farm belonged of right to Willie, and Susan had succeeded to the guardianship of her brother. Michael and she were to be married as soon as she was strong enough—so, perhaps, his authoritative manner was justified; but the labourers did not like it, although they said little. They remembered a stripling on the farm, knowing far less than they did, and often glad to shelter his ignorance of all agricultural matters behind their superior knowledge. They would have taken orders from Susan with far more willingness; nay, Willie himself might have commanded them; and from the old hereditary feeling toward the owners of land, they would have obeyed him with far greater cordiality than they now showed to Michael. But Susan was tired with even three rounds of knitting, and seemed not to notice, or to care, how things went on around her; and Willie—poor Willie!—there he stood lounging against the door-sill, enormously grown and developed, to be sure, but with restless eyes and ever-open mouth, and every now and then setting up a strange kind of howling cry, and then smiling vacantly to himself at the sound he had made. As the two old labourers passed him, they looked at each other ominously, and shook their heads.
One June evening, she sat outside under the yew tree, knitting. She was still pale from her recent illness, and her fatigue, combined with her black dress, made her look particularly captivating. She was no longer the lively, self-sufficient Susan who could handle anything. The men were bringing in the cows to be milked, and Michael was in the yard giving orders and instructions like he was the boss, since the farm rightfully belonged to Willie, and Susan had taken on the guardianship of her brother. Michael and she were set to marry as soon as she was strong enough—so perhaps his authoritative manner was understandable; however, the workers didn’t appreciate it, even if they said little. They remembered a young guy on the farm who knew far less than they did, often happy to hide his ignorance of all things agricultural behind their superior knowledge. They would have taken orders from Susan much more willingly; in fact, Willie himself might have commanded them, and due to the old tradition of respecting landowners, they would have obeyed him with much more enthusiasm than they currently showed to Michael. But Susan was tired after just three rounds of knitting and seemed not to notice or care how things were unfolding around her; and Willie—poor Willie!—was standing there lounging against the doorframe, certainly grown and developed, but with restless eyes and a constantly open mouth, occasionally letting out a strange kind of howling cry and then smiling vacantly to himself at the sound he had made. As the two old workers passed by him, they exchanged ominous looks and shook their heads.
“Willie, darling,” said Susan, “don’t make that noise—it makes my head ache.”
“Willie, sweetheart,” Susan said, “please stop that noise—it’s giving me a headache.”
She spoke feebly, and Willie did not seem to hear; at any rate, he continued his howl from time to time.
She spoke weakly, and Willie didn’t seem to hear; in any case, he kept howling now and then.
“Hold thy noise, wilt’a?” said Michael, roughly, as he passed near him, and threatening him with his fist. Susan’s back was turned to the pair. The expression of Willie’s face changed from vacancy to fear, and he came shambling up to Susan, who put her arm round him, and, as if protected by that shelter, he began making faces at Michael. Susan saw what was going on, and, as if now first struck by the strangeness of her brother’s manner, she looked anxiously at Michael for an explanation. Michael was irritated at Willie’s defiance of him, and did not mince the matter.
“Shut up, will you?” Michael said roughly as he walked past him, threatening him with his fist. Susan had her back turned to them. Willie’s expression shifted from blankness to fear, and he shuffled over to Susan, who wrapped her arm around him. Feeling protected by her presence, he started making faces at Michael. Susan noticed what was happening, and as if this was the first time she was aware of her brother’s strange behavior, she looked at Michael anxiously for an explanation. Michael was irritated by Willie’s defiance and didn’t hold back.
“It’s just that the fever has left him silly—he never was as wise as other folk, and now I doubt if he will ever get right.”
“It's just that the fever has made him a bit crazy—he never was as smart as other people, and now I seriously doubt he'll ever be okay again.”
Susan did not speak, but she went very pale, and her lip quivered. She looked long and wistfully at Willie’s face, as he watched the motion of the ducks in the great stable-pool. He laughed softly to himself every now and then.
Susan didn’t say anything, but she turned very pale, and her lip trembled. She gazed longingly at Willie’s face as he watched the ducks moving in the large stable pool. Every now and then, he laughed quietly to himself.
“Willie likes to see the ducks go overhead,” said Susan, instinctively adopting the form of speech she would have used to a young child.
“Willie loves watching the ducks fly by,” said Susan, instinctively using the kind of language she would use with a young child.
“Willie, boo! Willie, boo!” he replied, clapping his hands, and avoiding her eye.
“Willie, boo! Willie, boo!” he said, clapping his hands and looking away from her.
“Speak properly, Willie,” said Susan, making a strong effort at self-control, and trying to arrest his attention.
“Speak properly, Willie,” said Susan, making a strong effort to control herself and trying to get his attention.
“You know who I am—tell me my name!” She grasped his arm almost painfully tight to make him attend. Now he looked at her, and, for an instant, a gleam of recognition quivered over his face; but the exertion was evidently painful, and he began to cry at the vainness of the effort to recall her name. He hid his face upon her shoulder with the old affectionate trick of manner. She put him gently away, and went into the house into her own little bedroom. She locked the door, and did not reply at all to Michael’s calls for her, hardly spoke to old Peggy, who tried to tempt her out to receive some homely sympathy, and through the open easement there still came the idiotic sound of “Willie, boo! Willie, boo!”
“You know who I am—tell me my name!” She gripped his arm almost painfully to get his attention. He finally looked at her, and for a moment, a flicker of recognition crossed his face; but trying to remember was clearly painful, and he started to cry out of frustration over not being able to recall her name. He buried his face in her shoulder with the same old affectionate gesture. She gently pushed him away and went into the house to her small bedroom. She locked the door and didn’t respond to Michael’s calls for her, barely even speaking to old Peggy, who tried to coax her out for a little comfort, while the silly sound of “Willie, boo! Willie, boo!” still drifted in through the open window.
CHAPTER III.
After the stun of the blow came the realization of the consequences. Susan would sit for hours trying patiently to recall and piece together fragments of recollection and consciousness in her brother’s mind. She would let him go and pursue some senseless bit of play, and wait until she could catch his eye or his attention again, when she would resume her self-imposed task. Michael complained that she never had a word for him, or a minute of time to spend with him now; but she only said she must try, while there was yet a chance, to bring back her brother’s lost wits. As for marriage in this state of uncertainty, she had no heart to think of it. Then Michael stormed, and absented himself for two or three days; but it was of no use. When he came back, he saw that she had been crying till her eyes were all swollen up, and he gathered from Peggy’s scoldings (which she did not spare him) that Susan had eaten nothing since he went away. But she was as inflexible as ever.
After the shock of the blow came the understanding of what it meant. Susan would sit for hours trying patiently to remember and piece together bits of her brother’s thoughts and feelings. She would let him wander off and engage in some pointless game, waiting for the moment she could catch his eye or get his attention again, so she could continue her self-assigned task. Michael complained that she never had a word for him or a minute to spend with him now; but she just said she needed to try, while there was still a chance, to bring back her brother’s lost mind. As for marriage in this uncertain situation, she couldn’t bear to think about it. Then Michael got angry and stayed away for two or three days; but it didn’t make a difference. When he returned, he saw that she had been crying until her eyes were swollen, and he pieced together from Peggy's nagging (which was harsh) that Susan hadn’t eaten anything since he left. But she was just as stubborn as ever.
“Not just yet. Only not just yet. And don’t say again that I do not love you,” said she, suddenly hiding herself in his arms.
“Not just yet. Just not right now. And don’t say again that I don’t love you,” she said, suddenly wrapping herself in his arms.
And so matters went on through August. The crop of oats was gathered in; the wheat-field was not ready as yet, when one fine day Michael drove up in a borrowed shandry, and offered to take Willie a ride. His manner, when Susan asked him where he was going to, was rather confused; but the answer was straight and clear enough.
And so things continued through August. The oats harvest was done; the wheat field wasn't ready yet, when one nice day Michael drove up in a borrowed cart and offered to take Willie for a ride. His response when Susan asked him where he was going was a bit flustered, but the answer was straightforward enough.
He had business in Ambleside. He would never lose sight of the lad, and have him back safe and sound before dark. So Susan let him go.
He had things to take care of in Ambleside. He would keep an eye on the kid and make sure he was back safe and sound before nightfall. So, Susan let him leave.
Before night they were at home again: Willie in high delight at a little rattling paper windmill that Michael had bought for him in the street, and striving to imitate this new sound with perpetual buzzings. Michael, too, looked pleased. Susan knew the look, although afterwards she remembered that he had tried to veil it from her, and had assumed a grave appearance of sorrow whenever he caught her eye. He put up his horse; for, although he had three miles further to go, the moon was up—the bonny harvest-moon—and he did not care how late he had to drive on such a road by such a light. After the supper which Susan had prepared for the travellers was over, Peggy went up-stairs to see Willie safe in bed; for he had to have the same care taken of him that a little child of four years old requires.
Before night fell, they were home again: Willie was thrilled with a little rattling paper windmill that Michael had bought for him in the street, trying to replicate the buzzing sound it made. Michael seemed happy too. Susan recognized that expression, even though later she recalled how he had tried to hide it from her, putting on a serious look of sorrow whenever their eyes met. He stabled his horse; even though he still had three miles to go, the moon was out—the beautiful harvest moon—and he didn’t mind how late he had to drive on such a road in that light. After the dinner Susan had prepared for the travelers was finished, Peggy went upstairs to make sure Willie was tucked in bed safely; he needed the same sort of care a four-year-old child requires.
Michael drew near to Susan.
Michael approached Susan.
“Susan,” said he, “I took Will to see Dr. Preston, at Kendal. He’s the first doctor in the county. I thought it were better for us—for you—to know at once what chance there were for him.”
“Susan,” he said, “I took Will to see Dr. Preston in Kendal. He’s the best doctor in the county. I thought it would be better for us—for you—to know right away what his chances are.”
“Well!” said Susan, looking eagerly up. She saw the same strange glance of satisfaction, the same instant change to apparent regret and pain. “What did he say?” said she. “Speak! can’t you?”
“Well!” Susan said, looking up eagerly. She noticed the same weird look of satisfaction, the same quick shift to a fake sense of regret and pain. “What did he say?” she asked. “Come on! Can’t you?”
“He said he would never get better of his weakness.”
“He said he would never overcome his weakness.”
“Never!”
“Not a chance!”
“No; never. It’s a long word, and hard to bear. And there’s worse to come, dearest. The doctor thinks he will get badder from year to year. And he said, if he was us—you—he would send him off in time to Lancaster Asylum. They’ve ways there both of keeping such people in order and making them happy. I only tell you what he said,” continued he, seeing the gathering storm in her face.
“No; never. It’s a long word and hard to handle. And there’s worse to come, my dear. The doctor thinks he will get worse year by year. He said that if he were us—you—he would send him off to Lancaster Asylum in time. They have methods there for keeping people like that in check and making them happy. I’m just telling you what he said,” he continued, noticing the storm brewing on her face.
“There was no harm in his saying it,” she replied, with great self-constraint, forcing herself to speak coldly instead of angrily. “Folk is welcome to their opinions.”
“There’s no harm in him saying it,” she replied, keeping her composure, making herself sound cold instead of angry. “People are entitled to their opinions.”
They sat silent for a minute or two, her breast heaving with suppressed feeling.
They sat silently for a minute or two, her chest rising and falling with restrained emotion.
“He’s counted a very clever man,” said Michael at length.
"He's considered a really smart guy," Michael finally said.
“He may be. He’s none of my clever men, nor am I going to be guided by him, whatever he may think. And I don’t thank them that went and took my poor lad to have such harsh notions formed about him. If I’d been there, I could have called out the sense that is in him.”
“He might be. He’s not one of my smart guys, and I’m not going to let him guide me, no matter what he thinks. And I’m not grateful to those who took my poor boy away to form such harsh opinions about him. If I had been there, I could’ve pointed out the sense he has.”
“Well! I’ll not say more to-night, Susan. You’re not taking it rightly, and I’d best be gone, and leave you to think it over. I’ll not deny they are hard words to hear, but there’s sense in them, as I take it; and I reckon you’ll have to come to ’em. Anyhow, it’s a bad way of thanking me for my pains, and I don’t take it well in you, Susan,” said he, getting up, as if offended.
“Well! I won’t say more tonight, Susan. You’re not taking it well, and I should probably leave you to think it over. I won’t deny those are tough words to hear, but there’s a point to them, as I see it; and I think you’ll have to accept them eventually. Anyway, it’s not a great way to thank me for my efforts, and I don’t appreciate it from you, Susan,” he said, standing up as if he were offended.
“Michael, I’m beside myself with sorrow. Don’t blame me if I speak sharp. He and me is the only ones, you see. And mother did so charge me to have a care of him! And this is what he’s come to, poor lile chap!” She began to cry, and Michael to comfort her with caresses.
“Michael, I’m overwhelmed with sadness. Don’t hold it against me if I come off harsh. It’s just him and me, you know? And Mom specifically told me to look after him! And this is what he’s turned into, the poor little guy!” She started to cry, and Michael tried to comfort her with gentle touches.
“Don’t,” said she. “It’s no use trying to make me forget poor Willie is a natural. I could hate myself for being happy with you, even for just a little minute. Go away, and leave me to face it out.”
“Don’t,” she said. “It’s pointless to think you can make me forget that poor Willie is a natural. I could really dislike myself for being happy with you, even if it’s just for a moment. Just go away and let me deal with this on my own.”
“And you’ll think it over, Susan, and remember what the doctor says?”
“And you’ll think about it, Susan, and remember what the doctor said?”
“I can’t forget,” said she. She meant she could not forget what the doctor had said about the hopelessness of her brother’s case; Michael had referred to the plan of sending Willie to an asylum, or madhouse, as they were called in that day and place. The idea had been gathering force in Michael’s mind for some time; he had talked it over with his father, and secretly rejoiced over the possession of the farm and land which would then be his in fact, if not in law, by right of his wife. He had always considered the good penny her father could give her in his catalogue of Susan’s charms and attractions. But of late he had grown to esteem her as the heiress of Yew Nook. He, too, should have land like his brother—land to possess, to cultivate, to make profit from, to bequeath. For some time he had wondered that Susan had been so much absorbed in Willie’s present, that she had never seemed to look forward to his future, state. Michael had long felt the boy to be a trouble; but of late he had absolutely loathed him. His gibbering, his uncouth gestures, his loose, shambling gait, all irritated Michael inexpressibly. He did not come near the Yew Nook for a couple of days. He thought that he would leave her time to become anxious to see him and reconciled to his plan. They were strange lonely days to Susan. They were the first she had spent face to face with the sorrows that had turned her from a girl into a woman; for hitherto Michael had never let twenty-four hours pass by without coming to see her since she had had the fever. Now that he was absent, it seemed as though some cause of irritation was removed from Will, who was much more gentle and tractable than he had been for many weeks. Susan thought that she observed him making efforts at her bidding, and there was something piteous in the way in which he crept up to her, and looked wistfully in her face, as if asking her to restore him the faculties that he felt to be wanting.
“I can’t forget,” she said. She meant she couldn’t forget what the doctor had said about her brother’s hopeless situation; Michael had mentioned the plan to send Willie to an asylum, or madhouse, as they called it back then. This idea had been building in Michael's mind for a while; he had discussed it with his father and secretly felt happy about the farm and land that would then be his in fact, if not in law, by virtue of his wife. He had always considered the good money her father could offer in his list of Susan’s charms and attractions. But lately, he had come to value her as the heiress of Yew Nook. He, too, wanted land like his brother—land to own, cultivate, profit from, and pass down. For a while, he had wondered why Susan was so focused on Willie’s present that she never seemed to think about his future state. Michael had long viewed the boy as a burden; but recently, he had grown to truly loathe him. His babbling, awkward gestures, and shuffling walk irritated Michael beyond words. He stayed away from Yew Nook for a couple of days. He thought he’d give her time to miss him and accept his plan. Those were strange lonely days for Susan. They were the first she spent confronting the sorrows that had turned her from a girl into a woman; until now, Michael had never let a single day pass without visiting her since she had the fever. With him gone, it felt like some source of irritation had been lifted from Will, who was much gentler and easier to manage than he had been for weeks. Susan thought she saw him trying to please her, and there was something heartbreaking in the way he crept up to her and looked at her hopefully, as if asking her to restore the abilities he felt he had lost.
“I never will let thee go, lad. Never! There’s no knowing where they would take thee to, or what they would do with thee. As it says in the Bible, ‘Nought but death shall part thee and me!’”
“I will never let you go, kid. Never! There’s no telling where they would take you or what they would do with you. As it says in the Bible, ‘Nothing but death shall separate you and me!’”
The country-side was full, in those days, of stories of the brutal treatment offered to the insane; stories that were, in fact, but too well founded, and the truth of one of which only would have been a sufficient reason for the strong prejudice existing against all such places. Each succeeding hour that Susan passed, alone, or with the poor affectionate lad for her sole companion, served to deepen her solemn resolution never to part with him. So, when Michael came, he was annoyed and surprised by the calm way in which she spoke, as if following Dr. Preston’s advice was utterly and entirely out of the question. He had expected nothing less than a consent, reluctant it might be, but still a consent; and he was extremely irritated. He could have repressed his anger, but he chose rather to give way to it; thinking that he could thus best work upon Susan’s affection, so as to gain his point. But, somehow, he over-reached himself; and now he was astonished in his turn at the passion of indignation that she burst into.
The countryside was filled back then with stories of the harsh treatment of the mentally ill—stories that were sadly all too true, and the truth of just one of them was enough to explain the strong bias against all such places. Every hour that Susan spent alone, or with the poor, loving boy as her only companion, strengthened her firm decision never to leave him. So, when Michael arrived, he was both annoyed and surprised by the calmness with which she spoke, as if following Dr. Preston’s advice was completely out of the question. He had expected nothing less than an agreement, however reluctant, but still an agreement; and he was extremely frustrated. He could have held back his anger, but he chose to express it, thinking that it might win Susan's affection and help him achieve his goal. But somehow, he miscalculated; and now he was taken aback by the intense anger she displayed.
“Thou wilt not bide in the same house with him, say’st thou? There’s no need for thy biding, as far as I can tell. There’s solemn reason why I should bide with my own flesh and blood and keep to the word I pledged my mother on her death-bed; but, as for thee, there’s no tie that I know on to keep thee fro’ going to America or Botany Bay this very night, if that were thy inclination. I will have no more of your threats to make me send my bairn away. If thou marry me, thou’lt help me to take charge of Willie. If thou doesn’t choose to marry me on those terms—why, I can snap my fingers at thee, never fear. I’m not so far gone in love as that. But I will not have thee, if thou say’st in such a hectoring way that Willie must go out of the house—and the house his own too—before thoul’t set foot in it. Willie bides here, and I bide with him.”
“Are you really saying you won’t stay in the same house as him? As far as I can see, there’s no reason for you to stay. I have a serious obligation to stay with my own flesh and blood and uphold the promise I made to my mother on her deathbed; but as for you, I know of no reason that keeps you from going to America or Botany Bay tonight if that’s what you want. I won’t tolerate your threats to make me send my child away. If you marry me, you’ll help me take care of Willie. If you don’t want to marry me on those terms—well, I can easily dismiss you, don’t worry. I’m not so in love that I’ll put up with it. But I won’t have you if you insist in such a bullying way that Willie has to leave the house—and it’s also his house—before you’ll step inside it. Willie stays here, and I’m staying with him.”
“Thou hast may-be spoken a word too much,” said Michael, pale with rage. “If I am free, as thou say’st, to go to Canada, or Botany Bay, I reckon I’m free to live where I like, and that will not be with a natural who may turn into a madman some day, for aught I know. Choose between him and me, Susy, for I swear to thee, thou shan’t have both.”
“Maybe you’ve said one word too many,” said Michael, pale with rage. “If I’m free, as you say, to go to Canada or Botany Bay, I guess I’m free to live where I want, and that won’t be with someone who might turn into a madman someday, for all I know. Choose between him and me, Susy, because I swear to you, you won’t get both.”
“I have chosen,” said Susan, now perfectly composed and still. “Whatever comes of it, I bide with Willie.”
“I have chosen,” said Susan, now completely calm and still. “Whatever happens, I will stay with Willie.”
“Very well,” replied Michael, trying to assume an equal composure of manner. “Then I’ll wish you a very good night.” He went out of the house door, half-expecting to be called back again; but, instead, he heard a hasty step inside, and a bolt drawn.
“Okay,” Michael replied, trying to keep his cool. “Then I’ll wish you a good night.” He stepped out of the front door, half-expecting to be called back; but instead, he heard a quick step inside and a bolt being drawn.
“Whew!” said he to himself, “I think I must leave my lady alone for a week or two, and give her time to come to her senses. She’ll not find it so easy as she thinks to let me go.”
“Whew!” he said to himself, “I think I should give my lady some space for a week or two, and let her gather her thoughts. She won’t find it as easy as she thinks to let me go.”
So he went past the kitchen-window in nonchalant style, and was not seen again at Yew Nook for some weeks. How did he pass the time? For the first day or two, he was unusually cross with all things and people that came athwart him. Then wheat-harvest began, and he was busy, and exultant about his heavy crop. Then a man came from a distance to bid for the lease of his farm, which, by his father’s advice, had been offered for sale, as he himself was so soon likely to remove to the Yew Nook. He had so little idea that Susan really would remain firm to her determination, that he at once began to haggle with the man who came after his farm, showed him the crop just got in, and managed skilfully enough to make a good bargain for himself. Of course, the bargain had to be sealed at the public-house; and the companions he met with there soon became friends enough to tempt him into Langdale, where again he met with Eleanor Hebthwaite.
So he walked by the kitchen window casually and wasn't seen again at Yew Nook for a few weeks. How did he spend his time? For the first day or two, he was unusually irritable with everything and everyone around him. Then wheat harvest started, and he got busy, feeling proud of his large crop. Soon, a man came from afar to bid on leasing his farm, which, on his father's advice, had been put up for sale since he was likely to move to Yew Nook soon. He had so little idea that Susan would actually stick to her decision that he immediately started negotiating with the man interested in his farm, showed him the recently gathered crop, and managed to make a decent deal for himself. Naturally, the deal had to be finalized at the pub, and the people he met there quickly became friends, leading him to Langdale, where he ran into Eleanor Hebthwaite again.
How did Susan pass the time? For the first day or so, she was too angry and offended to cry. She went about her household duties in a quick, sharp, jerking, yet absent way; shrinking one moment from Will, overwhelming him with remorseful caresses the next. The third day of Michael’s absence, she had the relief of a good fit of crying; and after that, she grew softer and more tender; she felt how harshly she had spoken to him, and remembered how angry she had been. She made excuses for him. “It was no wonder,” she said to herself, “that he had been vexed with her; and no wonder he would not give in, when she had never tried to speak gently or to reason with him. She was to blame, and she would tell him so, and tell him once again all that her mother had bade her to be to Willie, and all the horrible stories she had heard about madhouses, and he would be on her side at once.”
How did Susan spend her time? For the first day or so, she was too angry and hurt to cry. She went about her housework in a fast, tense, jerky way, yet she seemed absent; one moment she’d flinch away from Will, the next she’d overwhelm him with remorseful affection. On the third day of Michael’s absence, she finally had the release of a good cry; after that, she became softer and more tender. She realized how harshly she had spoken to him and remembered how angry she had been. She made excuses for him. “It’s no surprise,” she thought to herself, “that he was upset with me; and it’s no surprise he wouldn’t back down when I never tried to talk to him gently or reason with him. I’m to blame, and I’ll tell him so, and I’ll remind him again of everything my mother taught me to be with Willie, along with all the terrible stories I’ve heard about asylums, and he’ll be on my side right away.”
And so she watched for his coming, intending to apologise as soon as ever she saw him. She hurried over her household work, in order to sit quietly at her sewing, and hear the first distant sound of his well-known step or whistle. But even the sound of her flying needle seemed too loud—perhaps she was losing an exquisite instant of anticipation; so she stopped sewing, and looked longingly out through the geranium leaves, in order that her eye might catch the first stir of the branches in the wood-path by which he generally came. Now and then a bird might spring out of the covert; otherwise the leaves were heavily still in the sultry weather of early autumn. Then she would take up her sewing, and, with a spasm of resolution, she would determine that a certain task should be fulfilled before she would again allow herself the poignant luxury of expectation. Sick at heart was she when the evening closed in, and the chances of that day diminished. Yet she stayed up longer than usual, thinking that if he were coming—if he were only passing along the distant road—the sight of a light in the window might encourage him to make his appearance even at that late hour, while seeing the house all darkened and shut up might quench any such intention.
And so she waited for him, planning to apologize as soon as she saw him. She rushed through her chores so she could sit quietly and sew, listening for the familiar sound of his footsteps or whistle. But even the sound of her fast-moving needle felt too loud—maybe she was missing a beautiful moment of anticipation; so she stopped sewing and gazed longingly through the geranium leaves, hoping to catch the first movement of the branches on the path he usually took. Occasionally, a bird would dart out from the thicket; otherwise, the leaves were heavily still in the sultry early autumn weather. Then she'd pick up her sewing again, and with a burst of determination, she’d decide that she needed to finish a specific task before allowing herself the sweet luxury of hope again. Her heart sank when evening fell, and the chances of his arrival that day faded. Still, she stayed up later than usual, thinking that if he was coming—if he was just passing by on the distant road—the sight of a light in the window might encourage him to show up even at that late hour, while seeing the house all dark and closed might kill any intention he had to come.
Very sick and weary at heart, she went to bed; too desolate and despairing to cry, or make any moan. But in the morning hope came afresh. Another day—another chance! And so it went on for weeks. Peggy understood her young mistress’s sorrow full well, and respected it by her silence on the subject. Willie seemed happier now that the irritation of Michael’s presence was removed; for the poor idiot had a sort of antipathy to Michael, which was a kind of heart’s echo to the repugnance in which the latter held him. Altogether, just at this time, Willie was the happiest of the three.
Very sick and heavy-hearted, she went to bed; too broken and hopeless to cry or make any noise. But in the morning, hope returned. Another day—another chance! And so it continued for weeks. Peggy completely understood her young mistress’s sorrow and respected it by remaining silent about it. Willie seemed happier now that the annoyance of Michael’s presence was gone; the poor guy had a kind of dislike for Michael, which mirrored the contempt Michael had for him. Overall, at that moment, Willie was the happiest of the three.
As Susan went into Coniston, to sell her butter, one Saturday, some inconsiderate person told her that she had seen Michael Hurst the night before. I said inconsiderate, but I might rather have said unobservant; for any one who had spent half-an-hour in Susan Dixon’s company might have seen that she disliked having any reference made to the subjects nearest her heart, were they joyous or grievous. Now she went a little paler than usual (and she had never recovered her colour since she had had the fever), and tried to keep silence. But an irrepressible pang forced out the question—
As Susan entered Coniston to sell her butter one Saturday, someone thoughtlessly mentioned that they had seen Michael Hurst the night before. I said thoughtlessly, but I could have said unobservant; because anyone who had spent half an hour with Susan Dixon could have noticed that she disliked discussing the topics that mattered most to her, whether happy or sad. At that moment, she went a bit paler than usual (and she had never regained her color since having the fever) and tried to remain silent. But an undeniable pain forced her to ask—
“Where?”
“Where at?”
“At Thomas Applethwaite’s, in Langdale. They had a kind of harvest-home, and he were there among the young folk, and very thick wi’ Nelly Hebthwaite, old Thomas’s niece. Thou’lt have to look after him a bit, Susan!”
“At Thomas Applethwaite’s in Langdale. They had a sort of harvest celebration, and he was there with the young people, getting close with Nelly Hebthwaite, old Thomas’s niece. You’ll have to keep an eye on him a bit, Susan!”
She neither smiled nor sighed. The neighbour who had been speaking to her was struck with the gray stillness of her face. Susan herself felt how well her self-command was obeyed by every little muscle, and said to herself in her Spartan manner, “I can bear it without either wincing or blenching.” She went home early, at a tearing, passionate pace, trampling and breaking through all obstacles of briar or bush. Willie was moping in her absence—hanging listlessly on the farm-yard gate to watch for her. When he saw her, he set up one of his strange, inarticulate cries, of which she was now learning the meaning, and came towards her with his loose, galloping run, head and limbs all shaking and wagging with pleasant excitement. Suddenly she turned from him, and burst into tears. She sat down on a stone by the wayside, not a hundred yards from home, and buried her face in her hands, and gave way to a passion of pent-up sorrow; so terrible and full of agony were her low cries, that the idiot stood by her, aghast and silent. All his joy gone for the time, but not, like her joy, turned into ashes. Some thought struck him. Yes! the sight of her woe made him think, great as the exertion was. He ran, and stumbled, and shambled home, buzzing with his lips all the time. She never missed him. He came back in a trice, bringing with him his cherished paper windmill, bought on that fatal day when Michael had taken him into Kendal to have his doom of perpetual idiocy pronounced. He thrust it into Susan’s face, her hands, her lap, regardless of the injury his frail plaything thereby received. He leapt before her to think how he had cured all heart-sorrow, buzzing louder than ever. Susan looked up at him, and that glance of her sad eyes sobered him. He began to whimper, he knew not why: and she now, comforter in her turn, tried to soothe him by twirling his windmill. But it was broken; it made no noise; it would not go round. This seemed to afflict Susan more than him. She tried to make it right, although she saw the task was hopeless; and while she did so, the tears rained down unheeded from her bent head on the paper toy.
She neither smiled nor sighed. The neighbor who had been talking to her was struck by the dull stillness of her face. Susan felt how well she was keeping her composure, and told herself in a no-nonsense way, “I can get through this without wincing or flinching.” She went home quickly, almost angrily, pushing through all the thorns and bushes in her path. Willie was sulking in her absence, hanging listlessly on the farmyard gate waiting for her. When he saw her, he let out one of his strange, inarticulate cries, which she was starting to understand, and came toward her with his uncoordinated, excited run, his head and limbs shaking joyfully. Suddenly, she turned away from him and burst into tears. She sat down on a stone by the roadside, not far from home, buried her face in her hands, and let out a wave of pent-up sorrow; her low cries were so full of pain that the boy stood by her, stunned and silent. All his joy vanished in that moment, but not, like hers, turned to ashes. A thought struck him. Yes! Seeing her distress made him think, despite how hard it was. He ran home, stumbling along the way, buzzing with his lips the entire time. She didn’t even notice he was gone. He came back quickly, bringing along his prized paper windmill, bought on that fateful day when Michael had taken him into Kendal to have his permanent condition confirmed. He shoved it into Susan’s face, her hands, her lap, without caring that the fragile toy was getting damaged. He jumped in front of her, proud that he could cure her heartache, buzzing louder than ever. Susan looked up at him, and that glance from her sad eyes sobered him. He began to whimper, not knowing why; and now, as the one comforting him, she tried to soothe him by twirling his windmill. But it was broken; it made no sound; it wouldn’t spin. This seemed to upset Susan more than it did him. She tried to fix it, even though she knew it was hopeless; and as she did, her tears fell unnoticed from her bent head onto the paper toy.
“It won’t do,” said she, at last. “It will never do again.” And, somehow, she took the accident and her words as omens of the love that was broken, and that she feared could never be pieced together more. She rose up and took Willie’s hand, and the two went slowly into the house.
“It won’t work,” she said finally. “It will never work again.” And somehow, she saw the accident and her words as signs of the love that was broken, and that she feared could never be repaired. She got up and took Willie’s hand, and the two of them slowly went into the house.
To her surprise, Michael Hurst sat in the house-place. House-place is a sort of better kitchen, where no cookery is done, but which is reserved for state occasions. Michael had gone in there because he was accompanied by his only sister, a woman older than himself, who was well married beyond Keswick, and who now came for the first time to make acquaintance with Susan. Michael had primed his sister with his wishes regarding Will, and the position in which he stood with Susan; and arriving at Yew Nook in the absence of the latter, he had not scrupled to conduct his sister into the guest-room, as he held Mrs. Gale’s worldly position in respect and admiration, and therefore wished her to be favourably impressed with all the signs of property which he was beginning to consider as Susan’s greatest charms. He had secretly said to himself, that if Eleanor Hebthwaite and Susan Dixon were equal in point of riches, he would sooner have Eleanor by far. He had begun to consider Susan as a termagant; and when he thought of his intercourse with her, recollections of her somewhat warm and hasty temper came far more readily to his mind than any remembrance of her generous, loving nature.
To her surprise, Michael Hurst was sitting in the living room. The living room is like a nicer kitchen, where no cooking happens, but it's set aside for special occasions. Michael had gone in there because he was with his only sister, who was older than him, well married outside of Keswick, and was visiting for the first time to meet Susan. Michael had filled his sister in on his thoughts about Will and his situation with Susan; and since he arrived at Yew Nook while Susan was away, he had no hesitation in bringing his sister into the guest room, as he respected and admired Mrs. Gale’s social standing and wanted her to be positively impressed by all the signs of wealth that he was starting to see as Susan's greatest attributes. He had secretly told himself that if Eleanor Hebthwaite and Susan Dixon were equal in wealth, he would much prefer Eleanor. He had begun to see Susan as a shrew, and when he thought about their interactions, memories of her somewhat fiery and rash temper came to mind much more easily than any recollection of her generous, loving nature.
And now she stood face to face with him; her eyes tear-swollen, her garments dusty, and here and there torn in consequence of her rapid progress through the bushy by-paths. She did not make a favourable impression on the well-clad Mrs. Gale, dressed in her best silk gown, and therefore unusually susceptible to the appearance of another. Nor were Susan’s manners gracious or cordial. How could they be, when she remembered what had passed between Michael and herself the last time they met? For her penitence had faded away under the daily disappointment of these last weary weeks.
And now she stood right in front of him; her eyes puffy from crying, her clothes dusty, and torn in some places from her hurried journey through the overgrown paths. She didn’t leave a good impression on the well-dressed Mrs. Gale, who was in her best silk gown and especially sensitive to how others looked. Nor were Susan’s manners kind or warm. How could they be when she thought about what had happened between Michael and her the last time they met? Her remorse had faded away under the constant disappointment of these exhausting past weeks.
But she was hospitable in substance. She bade Peggy hurry on the kettle, and busied herself among the tea-cups, thankful that the presence of Mrs. Gale, as a stranger, would prevent the immediate recurrence to the one subject which she felt must be present in Michael’s mind as well as in her own. But Mrs. Gale was withheld by no such feelings of delicacy. She had come ready-primed with the case, and had undertaken to bring the girl to reason. There was no time to be lost. It had been prearranged between the brother and sister that he was to stroll out into the farm-yard before his sister introduced the subject; but she was so confident in the success of her arguments, that she must needs have the triumph of a victory as soon as possible; and, accordingly, she brought a hail-storm of good reasons to bear upon Susan. Susan did not reply for a long time; she was so indignant at this intermeddling of a stranger in the deep family sorrow and shame. Mrs. Gale thought she was gaining the day, and urged her arguments more pitilessly. Even Michael winced for Susan, and wondered at her silence. He shrank out of sight, and into the shadow, hoping that his sister might prevail, but annoyed at the hard way in which she kept putting the case.
But she was genuinely welcoming. She told Peggy to hurry with the kettle and busied herself with the tea cups, relieved that Mrs. Gale, being a stranger, would keep them from diving immediately into the one topic she knew was on Michael's mind as well as hers. But Mrs. Gale didn't hold back because of any such sensitivity. She was fully prepared to discuss the matter and had taken it upon herself to reason with the girl. There was no time to waste. It had been arranged between the siblings that Michael would take a walk in the yard before his sister brought up the topic; however, she was so sure of the effectiveness of her arguments that she felt compelled to achieve a quick victory. So, she unleashed a barrage of strong reasons against Susan. Susan didn't respond for a long time; she was too furious about the interference of a stranger in their family's deep sorrow and shame. Mrs. Gale believed she was winning the argument and pressed on relentlessly. Even Michael felt for Susan and wondered why she was silent. He stepped back into the shadows, hoping his sister would succeed, but frustrated by the blunt way she was presenting the case.
Suddenly Susan turned round from the occupation she had pretended to be engaged in, and said to him in a low voice, which yet not only vibrated itself, but made its hearers thrill through all their obtuseness:
Suddenly, Susan turned away from the task she had been pretending to focus on and said to him in a low voice that not only resonated but also sent a thrill through everyone listening, despite their dullness:
“Michael Hurst! does your sister speak truth, think you?”
“Michael Hurst! Do you think your sister is telling the truth?”
Both women looked at him for his answer; Mrs. Gale without anxiety, for had she not said the very words they had spoken together before? had she not used the very arguments that he himself had suggested? Susan, on the contrary, looked to his answer as settling her doom for life; and in the gloom of her eyes you might have read more despair than hope.
Both women looked at him for his answer; Mrs. Gale without worry, because hadn't she said the exact words they had discussed together before? Hadn't she used the very arguments that he himself had suggested? Susan, on the other hand, saw his answer as deciding her fate for life; and in the darkness of her eyes, you could see more despair than hope.
He shuffled his position. He shuffled in his words.
He shifted his position. He stumbled over his words.
“What is it you ask? My sister has said many things.”
“What’s your question? My sister has said a lot of things.”
“I ask you,” said Susan, trying to give a crystal clearness both to her expressions and her pronunciation, “if, knowing as you do how Will is afflicted, you will help me to take that charge of him which I promised my mother on her death-bed that I would do; and which means, that I shall keep him always with me, and do all in my power to make his life happy. If you will do this, I will be your wife; if not, I remain unwed.”
“I ask you,” Susan said, making sure her words and pronunciation were crystal clear, “if, knowing how Will is struggling, you will help me take care of him as I promised my mother on her deathbed that I would. This means that I will always keep him with me and do everything I can to make his life happy. If you agree to this, I will be your wife; if not, I will stay single.”
“But he may get dangerous; he can be but a trouble; his being here is a pain to you, Susan, not a pleasure.”
“But he might be dangerous; he can only cause trouble; his presence here is a burden to you, Susan, not a joy.”
“I ask you for either yes or no,” said she, a little contempt at his evading her question mingling with her tone. He perceived it, and it nettled him.
“I’m asking for a simple yes or no,” she said, a hint of contempt in her voice because he was avoiding her question. He noticed it, and it irritated him.
“And I have told you. I answered your question the last time I was here. I said I would ne’er keep house with an idiot; no more I will. So now you’ve gotten your answer.”
“And I have told you. I answered your question the last time I was here. I said I would never live with an idiot; I still won’t. So now you’ve got your answer.”
“I have,” said Susan. And she sighed deeply.
“I have,” said Susan, letting out a deep sigh.
“Come, now,” said Mrs. Gale, encouraged by the sigh; “one would think you don’t love Michael, Susan, to be so stubborn in yielding to what I’m sure would be best for the lad.”
“Come on,” said Mrs. Gale, encouraged by the sigh; “you’d think you don’t love Michael, Susan, to be so stubborn about what I’m sure would be best for the boy.”
“Oh! she does not care for me,” said Michael. “I don’t believe she ever did.”
“Oh! she doesn't care about me,” said Michael. “I don't think she ever did.”
“Don’t I? Haven’t I?” asked Susan, her eyes blazing out fire. She left the room directly, and sent Peggy in to make the tea; and catching at Will, who was lounging about in the kitchen, she went up-stairs with him and bolted herself in, straining the boy to her heart, and keeping almost breathless, lest any noise she made might cause him to break out into the howls and sounds which she could not bear that those below should hear.
“Do I not? Haven't I?” Susan asked, her eyes burning with anger. She immediately left the room and sent Peggy in to make the tea. Grabbing Will, who was hanging out in the kitchen, she went upstairs with him and locked the door, pulling the boy close to her heart and keeping almost silent, afraid that any noise she made might make him start crying, which she couldn't stand for those below to hear.
A knock at the door. It was Peggy.
A knock on the door. It was Peggy.
“He wants for to see you, to wish you good-bye.”
“He wants to see you, to say goodbye.”
“I cannot come. Oh, Peggy, send them away.”
“I can’t come. Oh, Peggy, please send them away.”
It was her only cry for sympathy; and the old servant understood it. She sent them away, somehow; not politely, as I have been given to understand.
It was her only plea for sympathy, and the old servant got it. She sent them away, not in a polite way, as I’ve heard.
“Good go with them,” said Peggy, as she grimly watched their retreating figures. “We’re rid of bad rubbish, anyhow.” And she turned into the house, with the intention of making ready some refreshment for Susan, after her hard day at the market, and her harder evening. But in the kitchen, to which she passed through the empty house-place, making a face of contemptuous dislike at the used tea-cups and fragments of a meal yet standing there, she found Susan, with her sleeves tucked up and her working apron on, busied in preparing to make clap-bread, one of the hardest and hottest domestic tasks of a Daleswoman. She looked up, and first met, and then avoided Peggy’s eye; it was too full of sympathy. Her own cheeks were flushed, and her own eyes were dry and burning.
“Good riddance to them,” Peggy said as she grimly watched their retreating figures. “At least we're rid of some unwanted trouble.” She turned to go inside, planning to prepare something for Susan after her long day at the market and an even tougher evening. But when she entered the kitchen, passing through the empty living area and making a face of contempt at the used teacups and leftover meal still sitting there, she found Susan. With her sleeves rolled up and her apron on, Susan was busy getting ready to make clap-bread, one of the hardest and hottest tasks for a Daleswoman. She looked up at Peggy, briefly made eye contact, then quickly looked away; Peggy’s gaze was too filled with sympathy. Susan’s cheeks were flushed, and her eyes felt dry and burning.
“Where’s the board, Peggy? We need clap-bread; and, I reckon, I’ve time to get through with it to-night.” Her voice had a sharp, dry tone in it, and her motions a jerking angularity about them.
“Where’s the board, Peggy? We need clap-bread, and I think I have time to finish it tonight.” Her voice had a sharp, dry tone, and her movements were jerky and rigid.
Peggy said nothing, but fetched her all that she needed. Susan beat her cakes thin with vehement force. As she stooped over them, regardless even of the task in which she seemed so much occupied, she was surprised by a touch on her mouth of something—what she did not see at first. It was a cup of tea, delicately sweetened and cooled, and held to her lips, when exactly ready, by the faithful old woman. Susan held it off a hand’s breath, and looked into Peggy’s eyes, while her own filled with the strange relief of tears.
Peggy didn’t say anything, but she got everything Susan needed. Susan pounded her cakes thin with intense force. As she bent over them, completely absorbed in her work, she was taken aback by a gentle touch on her lips—she didn’t realize at first what it was. It was a cup of tea, lightly sweetened and cooled, offered to her by the loyal old woman. Susan held it just an inch away, locking eyes with Peggy, while her own eyes filled with an unexpected wave of tears.
“Lass!” said Peggy, solemnly, “thou hast done well. It is not long to bide, and then the end will come.”
“Girl!” said Peggy, seriously, “you’ve done well. It won’t be long now, and then the end will come.”
“But you are very old, Peggy,” said Susan, quivering.
“But you’re really old, Peggy,” said Susan, trembling.
“It is but a day sin’ I were young,” replied Peggy; but she stopped the conversation by again pushing the cup with gentle force to Susan’s dry and thirsty lips. When she had drunken she fell again to her labour, Peggy heating the hearth, and doing all that she knew would be required, but never speaking another word. Willie basked close to the fire, enjoying the animal luxury of warmth, for the autumn evenings were beginning to be chilly. It was one o’clock before they thought of going to bed on that memorable night.
“It was just a day since I was young,” replied Peggy; but she interrupted the conversation by gently pushing the cup to Susan’s dry and thirsty lips again. After she drank, Susan went back to her work, while Peggy heated the hearth and did everything she knew needed to be done, but she didn’t say another word. Willie lounged close to the fire, enjoying the comforting warmth, as the autumn evenings were starting to get chilly. It was one o’clock before they even thought about going to bed that memorable night.
CHAPTER IV.
The vehemence with which Susan Dixon threw herself into occupation could not last for ever. Times of languor and remembrance would come—times when she recurred with a passionate yearning to bygone days, the recollection of which was so vivid and delicious, that it seemed as though it were the reality, and the present bleak bareness the dream. She smiled anew at the magical sweetness of some touch or tone which in memory she felt and heard, and drank the delicious cup of poison, although at the very time she knew what the consequences of racking pain would be.
The intensity with which Susan Dixon threw herself into work couldn't last forever. Periods of relaxation and reflection would arrive—times when she felt a deep longing for the past, memories of which were so clear and enjoyable that they felt more real than her current bleakness. She smiled again at the enchanting sweetness of a touch or sound that she recalled and savored, even though she knew it would lead to intense pain later.
“This time, last year,” thought she, “we went nutting together—this very day last year; just such a day as to-day. Purple and gold were the lights on the hills; the leaves were just turning brown; here and there on the sunny slopes the stubble-fields looked tawny; down in a cleft of yon purple slate-rock the beck fell like a silver glancing thread; all just as it is to-day. And he climbed the slender, swaying nut-trees, and bent the branches for me to gather; or made a passage through the hazel copses, from time to time claiming a toll. Who could have thought he loved me so little?—who?—who?”
“This time last year,” she thought, “we went nutting together—exactly one year ago today; just like today. The hills were lit up with purple and gold; the leaves were starting to turn brown; in some sunny spots, the stubble-fields looked golden; down in a notch of that purple slate rock, the stream fell like a silver thread; everything just like it is today. He climbed the tall, swaying nut trees and bent the branches for me to gather; or he’d carve a path through the hazel thickets, occasionally demanding a toll. Who could have guessed he loved me so little?—who?—who?”
Or, as the evening closed in, she would allow herself to imagine that she heard his coming step, just that she might recall time feeling of exquisite delight which had passed by without the due and passionate relish at the time. Then she would wonder how she could have had strength, the cruel, self-piercing strength, to say what she had done; to stab himself with that stern resolution, of which the sear would remain till her dying day. It might have been right; but, as she sickened, she wished she had not instinctively chosen the right. How luxurious a life haunted by no stern sense of duty must be! And many led this kind of life; why could not she? O, for one hour again of his sweet company! If he came now, she would agree to whatever he proposed.
Or, as the evening fell, she would let herself imagine she heard his approaching footsteps, just so she could remember that feeling of exquisite delight that she hadn’t fully appreciated at the time. Then she would wonder how she had had the strength, the cruel, self-inflicted strength, to say what she did; to hurt him with that harsh resolve, the impact of which would stay with her until her dying day. It might have been the right choice; but as she faded, she wished she hadn't instinctively chosen what seemed right. How luxurious a life without that heavy sense of duty must be! Many lived this kind of life; why couldn’t she? Oh, for just one more hour of his sweet company! If he came now, she would agree to anything he asked.
It was a fever of the mind. She passed through it, and came out healthy, if weak. She was capable once more of taking pleasure in following an unseen guide through briar and brake. She returned with tenfold affection to her protecting care of Willie. She acknowledged to herself that he was to be her all-in-all in life. She made him her constant companion. For his sake, as the real owner of Yew Nook, and she as his steward and guardian, she began that course of careful saving, and that love of acquisition, which afterwards gained for her the reputation of being miserly. She still thought that he might regain a scanty portion of sense—enough to require some simple pleasures and excitement, which would cost money. And money should not be wanting. Peggy rather assisted her in the formation of her parsimonious habits than otherwise; economy was the order of the district, and a certain degree of respectable avarice the characteristic of her age. Only Willie was never stinted nor hindered of anything that the two women thought could give him pleasure, for want of money.
It was a mental fever. She got through it and came out healthy, though weak. She was once again able to enjoy following an unseen guide through thorns and underbrush. She returned with much deeper affection for her care of Willie. She realized that he was going to be everything to her in life. She made him her constant companion. For his sake, as the true owner of Yew Nook while she acted as his steward and protector, she began a careful saving routine and developed a love for acquiring things, which later earned her a reputation for being stingy. She still hoped he might regain some of his sense—enough to enjoy some simple pleasures and excitement that would cost money. And money wouldn’t be an issue. Peggy actually helped her with her frugal habits; saving was the norm in the area, and a certain level of respectable greed was typical for her time. But Willie was never denied anything that the two women thought would bring him joy, due to a lack of money.
There was one gratification which Susan felt was needed for the restoration of her mind to its more healthy state, after she had passed through the whirling fever, when duty was as nothing, and anarchy reigned; a gratification that, somehow, was to be her last burst of unreasonableness; of which she knew and recognised pain as the sure consequence. She must see him once more,—herself unseen.
There was one thing Susan felt she needed to restore her mind to a healthier state after she had gone through the chaotic fever when duty meant nothing, and disorder ruled; something that, somehow, would be her final act of irrationality, even though she knew it would lead to pain. She had to see him one last time—without being seen herself.
The week before the Christmas of this memorable year, she went out in the dusk of the early winter evening, wrapped close in shawl and cloak. She wore her dark shawl under her cloak, putting it over her head in lieu of a bonnet; for she knew that she might have to wait long in concealment. Then she tramped over the wet fell-path, shut in by misty rain for miles and miles, till she came to the place where he was lodging; a farm-house in Langdale, with a steep, stony lane leading up to it: this lane was entered by a gate out of the main road, and by the gate were a few bushes—thorns; but of them the leaves had fallen, and they offered no concealment: an old wreck of a yew-tree grew among them, however, and underneath that Susan cowered down, shrouding her face, of which the colour might betray her, with a corner of her shawl. Long did she wait; cold and cramped she became, too damp and stiff to change her posture readily. And after all, he might never come! But, she would wait till daylight, if need were; and she pulled out a crust, with which she had providently supplied herself. The rain had ceased,—a dull, still, brooding weather had succeeded; it was a night to hear distant sounds. She heard horses’ hoofs striking and splashing in the stones, and in the pools of the road at her back. Two horses; not well-ridden, or evenly guided, as she could tell.
The week before Christmas that unforgettable year, she headed out into the early winter evening mist, bundled up in her shawl and cloak. She wore her dark shawl under her cloak, draping it over her head instead of wearing a bonnet, knowing she might have to hide for a while. She trudged along the wet fell path, surrounded by misty rain for miles, until she arrived at the farmhouse where he was staying in Langdale. The steep, rocky lane leading up to it started with a gate off the main road, and a few thorn bushes were next to the gate—though most of their leaves had fallen, offering little cover. However, an old, decaying yew tree stood among them, and she crouched beneath it, hiding her face, which might reveal her identity, with a corner of her shawl. She waited for a long time, growing cold and cramped, too damp and stiff to change her position easily. And in the end, he might never arrive! But she was determined to wait until dawn if necessary, pulling out a crust of bread she had wisely brought along. The rain had stopped, replaced by a dull, still, brooding atmosphere; it was a night for hearing distant sounds. She heard the thud of horses' hooves splashing against the stones and in the puddles of the road behind her. Two horses; they weren't being ridden well or evenly guided, as she could tell.
Michael Hurst and a companion drew near: not tipsy, but not sober. They stopped at the gate to bid each other a maudlin farewell. Michael stooped forward to catch the latch with the hook of the stick which he carried; he dropped the stick, and it fell with one end close to Susan,—indeed, with the slightest change of posture she could have opened the gate for him. He swore a great oath, and struck his horse with his closed fist, as if that animal had been to blame; then he dismounted, opened the gate, and fumbled about for his stick. When he had found it (Susan had touched the other end) his first use of it was to flog his horse well, and she had much ado to avoid its kicks and plunges. Then, still swearing, he staggered up the lane, for it was evident he was not sober enough to remount.
Michael Hurst and a friend approached: not drunk, but not completely sober. They stopped at the gate to say an overly emotional goodbye. Michael bent down to catch the latch with the hook of the stick he was carrying; he dropped the stick, and it landed close to Susan—in fact, with the slightest shift in her position, she could have opened the gate for him. He swore loudly and hit his horse with his fist, as if the animal was at fault; then he got off, opened the gate, and searched for his stick. When he found it (Susan had touched the other end), his first use of it was to hit his horse hard, and she barely managed to avoid its kicks and struggles. Then, still cursing, he staggered up the lane, clearly too inebriated to get back on.
By daylight Susan was back and at her daily labours at Yew Nook. When the spring came, Michael Hurst was married to Eleanor Hebthwaite. Others, too, were married, and christenings made their firesides merry and glad; or they travelled, and came back after long years with many wondrous tales. More rarely, perhaps, a Dalesman changed his dwelling. But to all households more change came than to Yew Nook. There the seasons came round with monotonous sameness; or, if they brought mutation, it was of a slow, and decaying, and depressing kind. Old Peggy died. Her silent sympathy, concealed under much roughness, was a loss to Susan Dixon. Susan was not yet thirty when this happened, but she looked a middle-aged, not to say an elderly woman. People affirmed that she had never recovered her complexion since that fever, a dozen years ago, which killed her father, and left Will Dixon an idiot. But besides her gray sallowness, the lines in her face were strong, and deep, and hard. The movements of her eyeballs were slow and heavy; the wrinkles at the corners of her mouth and eyes were planted firm and sure; not an ounce of unnecessary flesh was there on her bones—every muscle started strong and ready for use. She needed all this bodily strength, to a degree that no human creature, now Peggy was dead, knew of: for Willie had grown up large and strong in body, and, in general, docile enough in mind; but, every now and then, he became first moody, and then violent. These paroxysms lasted but a day or two; and it was Susan’s anxious care to keep their very existence hidden and unknown. It is true, that occasional passers-by on that lonely road heard sounds at night of knocking about of furniture, blows, and cries, as of some tearing demon within the solitary farm-house; but these fits of violence usually occurred in the night; and whatever had been their consequence, Susan had tidied and redded up all signs of aught unusual before the morning. For, above all, she dreaded lest some one might find out in what danger and peril she occasionally was, and might assume a right to take away her brother from her care. The one idea of taking charge of him had deepened and deepened with years. It was graven into her mind as the object for which she lived. The sacrifice she had made for this object only made it more precious to her. Besides, she separated the idea of the docile, affectionate, loutish, indolent Will, and kept it distinct from the terror which the demon that occasionally possessed him inspired her with. The one was her flesh and her blood—the child of her dead mother; the other was some fiend who came to torture and convulse the creature she so loved. She believed that she fought her brother’s battle in holding down those tearing hands, in binding whenever she could those uplifted restless arms prompt and prone to do mischief. All the time she subdued him with her cunning or her strength, she spoke to him in pitying murmurs, or abused the third person, the fiendish enemy, in no unmeasured tones. Towards morning the paroxysm was exhausted, and he would fall asleep, perhaps only to waken with evil and renewed vigour. But when he was laid down, she would sally out to taste the fresh air, and to work off her wild sorrow in cries and mutterings to herself. The early labourers saw her gestures at a distance, and thought her as crazed as the idiot-brother who made the neighbourhood a haunted place. But did any chance person call at Yew Nook later on in the day, he would find Susan Dixon cold, calm, collected; her manner curt, her wits keen.
By daylight, Susan was back at her daily work at Yew Nook. When spring arrived, Michael Hurst married Eleanor Hebthwaite. Others also got married, and christenings filled their homes with joy; some traveled and returned after many years with incredible stories. More rarely, a Dalesman changed where he lived. But in comparison, Yew Nook saw less change. The seasons passed with a dull regularity; any change that did come was slow, deteriorating, and depressing. Old Peggy passed away, and her quiet support, hidden beneath her rough exterior, was missed by Susan Dixon. Susan was not yet thirty when this happened, but she looked middle-aged, if not older. People said she never regained her complexion after the fever, twelve years prior, that killed her father and left Will Dixon an idiot. Beyond her gray, sallow skin, her face was marked by strong, deep, hard lines. Her eye movements were slow and heavy; the wrinkles at the corners of her mouth and eyes were firmly set; not an ounce of unnecessary fat was on her bones—every muscle was strong and primed for action. She needed all this physical strength more than anyone else, now that Peggy was gone: Willie had grown up tall and muscular, generally compliant but occasionally shifting to moody and then violent. These episodes lasted a day or two, and Susan worked anxiously to keep their existence a secret. Occasionally, people passing by on that lonely road heard noises at night—furniture being knocked around, blows, and cries, as if some raging spirit were inside the isolated farmhouse; but these episodes typically happened at night, and whatever the aftermath, Susan tidied up all signs of anything unusual before morning. Above all, she feared someone discovering the danger she occasionally faced and thinking they had the right to take her brother away from her care. The singular thought of looking after him had deepened with the years. It was etched into her mind as the reason for her existence. The sacrifices she made for this purpose only made it more precious to her. Moreover, she separated her idea of the dutiful, loving, awkward, lazy Will from the terror inspired by the demon that occasionally took hold of him. The former was her blood—the child of her deceased mother; the latter was a tormentor that came to overwhelm the person she loved. She believed she fought her brother’s battle by restraining those destructive hands, binding those restless arms eager to cause harm whenever she could. Throughout the struggle, she spoke to him in soft, soothing tones, or scolded the third party, the fiendish enemy, in no uncertain terms. By morning, the episode would fade, and he would fall asleep, perhaps just to wake up filled with renewed wrath. But after laying him down, she would step outside to breathe in the fresh air and let out her pent-up sorrow in cries and mutterings. The early risers saw her gestures from a distance and thought she was as mad as the idiot-brother who haunted the neighborhood. But if any passerby stopped by Yew Nook later in the day, they would find Susan Dixon cold, calm, composed; her demeanor sharp, her mind alert.
Once this fit of violence lasted longer than usual. Susan’s strength both of mind and body was nearly worn out; she wrestled in prayer that somehow it might end before she, too, was driven mad; or, worse, might be obliged to give up life’s aim, and consign Willie to a madhouse. From that moment of prayer (as she afterwards superstitiously thought) Willie calmed—and then he drooped—and then he sank—and, last of all, he died in reality from physical exhaustion.
Once this violent episode lasted longer than usual. Susan’s strength, both mental and physical, was nearly gone; she prayed desperately that it would somehow end before she, too, lost her mind; or, worse, had to abandon her purpose in life and send Willie to a mental institution. At that moment of prayer (as she later thought superstitiously), Willie calmed down—and then he weakened—and then he finally faded away—and, ultimately, he died from sheer physical exhaustion.
But he was so gentle and tender as he lay on his dying bed; such strange, child-like gleams of returning intelligence came over his face, long after the power to make his dull, inarticulate sounds had departed, that Susan was attracted to him by a stronger tie than she had ever felt before. It was something to have even an idiot loving her with dumb, wistful, animal affection; something to have any creature looking at her with such beseeching eyes, imploring protection from the insidious enemy stealing on. And yet she knew that to him death was no enemy, but a true friend, restoring light and health to his poor clouded mind. It was to her that death was an enemy; to her, the survivor, when Willie died; there was no one to love her.
But he was so gentle and tender as he lay on his deathbed; such strange, childlike flashes of returning awareness appeared on his face, long after he lost the ability to make his dull, inarticulate sounds. This drew Susan to him with a stronger bond than she had ever felt before. It meant something to have even a simple-minded person loving her with silent, yearning, animal affection; it meant something to have any being looking at her with such pleading eyes, asking for protection from the creeping threat. Yet she understood that to him, death was not an enemy but a true friend, restoring clarity and health to his troubled mind. For her, death was the enemy; for her, the one left behind when Willie passed away, there was no one to love her.
Worse doom still, there was no one left on earth for her to love.
Worse yet, there was no one left on earth for her to care about.
You now know why no wandering tourist could persuade her to receive him as a lodger; why no tired traveller could melt her heart to afford him rest and refreshment; why long habits of seclusion had given her a moroseness of manner, and how care for the interests of another had rendered her keen and miserly.
You now understand why no wandering tourist could convince her to take him in as a guest; why no exhausted traveler could soften her heart to give him a place to rest and refresh; why long years of solitude had made her gloomy in demeanor, and how looking after someone else's needs had turned her into someone sharp and stingy.
But there was a third act in the drama of her life.
But there was a third act in the story of her life.
CHAPTER V.
In spite of Peggy’s prophecy that Susan’s life should not seem long, it did seem wearisome and endless, as the years slowly uncoiled their monotonous circles. To be sure, she might have made change for herself, but she did not care to do it. It was, indeed, more than “not caring,” which merely implies a certain degree of vis inertiæ to be subdued before an object can be attained, and that the object itself does not seem to be of sufficient importance to call out the requisite energy. On the contrary, Susan exerted herself to avoid change and variety. She had a morbid dread of new faces, which originated in her desire to keep poor dead Willie’s state a profound secret. She had a contempt for new customs; and, indeed, her old ways prospered so well under her active hand and vigilant eye, that it was difficult to know how they could be improved upon. She was regularly present in Coniston market with the best butter and the earliest chickens of the season. Those were the common farm produce that every farmer’s wife about had to sell; but Susan, after she had disposed of the more feminine articles, turned to on the man’s side. A better judge of a horse or cow there was not in all the country round. Yorkshire itself might have attempted to jockey her, and would have failed. Her corn was sound and clean; her potatoes well preserved to the latest spring. People began to talk of the hoards of money Susan Dixon must have laid up somewhere; and one young ne’er-do-weel of a farmer’s son undertook to make love to the woman of forty, who looked fifty-five, if a day. He made up to her by opening a gate on the road-path home, as she was riding on a bare-backed horse, her purchase not an hour ago. She was off before him, refusing his civility; but the remounting was not so easy, and rather than fail she did not choose to attempt it. She walked, and he walked alongside, improving his opportunity, which, as he vainly thought, had been consciously granted to him. As they drew near Yew Nook, he ventured on some expression of a wish to keep company with her. His words were vague and clumsily arranged. Susan turned round and coolly asked him to explain himself, he took courage, as he thought of her reputed wealth, and expressed his wishes this second time pretty plainly. To his surprise, the reply she made was in a series of smart strokes across his shoulders, administered through the medium of a supple hazel-switch.
In spite of Peggy’s prediction that Susan’s life wouldn't seem long, it felt exhausting and never-ending, as the years dragged on in their boring cycles. Sure, she could have made a change for herself, but she didn't want to. It was more than just “not caring,” which suggests a certain inertia that needs to be overcome before achieving a goal, and that the goal itself doesn't seem important enough to motivate the needed effort. On the contrary, Susan actively avoided change and variety. She had a deep fear of new faces, stemming from her wish to keep poor dead Willie’s situation a profound secret. She looked down on new customs; in fact, her old ways thrived so well under her careful management that it was hard to see how they could be improved. She consistently showed up at Coniston market with the best butter and the first chickens of the season. Those were the usual farm products that every farmer’s wife sold; but after selling the more feminine items, Susan shifted to the men’s side. No one in the whole area was a better judge of a horse or cow. Even Yorkshire might have tried to outsmart her, but would have failed. Her corn was solid and clean; her potatoes well-preserved until the latest spring. People started talking about the stash of money Susan Dixon must have tucked away somewhere; and one young, useless farmer’s son decided to try courting the woman of forty, who looked fifty-five, at best. He tried to impress her by holding open a gate on the path home as she rode a bare-backed horse she had bought just an hour earlier. She was off before he could catch up, rejecting his politeness; but remounting wasn’t easy, and rather than struggle, she chose to walk. He walked alongside her, taking advantage of what he mistakenly thought was a chance she had given him. As they approached Yew Nook, he awkwardly attempted to express a desire to spend time with her. His words were vague and poorly phrased. Susan turned around and calmly asked him to clarify. Encouraged by thoughts of her supposed wealth, he stated his intentions more clearly this time. To his surprise, her response was a series of sharp swats across his shoulders, delivered with a flexible hazel switch.
“Take that!” said she, almost breathless, “to teach thee how thou darest make a fool of an honest woman old enough to be thy mother. If thou com’st a step nearer the house, there’s a good horse-pool, and there’s two stout fellows who’ll like no better fun than ducking thee. Be off wi’ thee!”
“Take that!” she said, almost out of breath, “to show you how you dare make a fool of an honest woman who’s old enough to be your mother. If you come any closer to the house, there’s a good horse pond, and there are two strong guys who would love nothing more than to dunk you. Get out of here!”
And she strode into her own premises, never looking round to see whether he obeyed her injunction or not.
And she walked into her place, not bothering to look back to see if he followed her order or not.
Sometimes three or four years would pass over without her hearing Michael Hurst’s name mentioned. She used to wonder at such times whether he were dead or alive. She would sit for hours by the dying embers of her fire on a winter’s evening, trying to recall the scenes of her youth; trying to bring up living pictures of the faces she had then known—Michael’s most especially. She thought it was possible, so long had been the lapse of years, that she might now pass by him in the street unknowing and unknown. His outward form she might not recognize, but himself she should feel in the thrill of her whole being. He could not pass her unawares.
Sometimes, three or four years would go by without her hearing Michael Hurst's name mentioned. During those times, she wondered if he was dead or alive. She would sit for hours by the dying embers of her fire on a winter evening, trying to recall the scenes of her youth; trying to bring up vivid memories of the faces she had known then—especially Michael's. She thought it was possible, given how many years had passed, that she could walk right by him in the street without recognizing him or being recognized. She might not recognize his physical appearance, but she would feel his presence in the thrill of her entire being. He could not pass her by without her noticing.
What little she did hear about him, all testified a downward tendency. He drank—not at stated times when there was no other work to be done, but continually, whether it was seed-time or harvest. His children were all ill at the same time; then one died, while the others recovered, but were poor sickly things. No one dared to give Susan any direct intelligence of her former lover; many avoided all mention of his name in her presence; but a few spoke out either in indifference to, or ignorance of, those bygone days. Susan heard every word, every whisper, every sound that related to him. But her eye never changed, nor did a muscle of her face move.
What little she heard about him all indicated a downward spiral. He drank—not just at certain times when there was nothing else to do, but constantly, whether it was planting season or harvest time. His children were all sick at the same time; then one of them died while the others got better, but they were frail and sickly. No one dared to give Susan any direct news about her former lover; many avoided bringing up his name around her, but a few spoke up either out of indifference or ignorance of those past days. Susan heard every word, every whisper, every sound related to him. Yet her expression never changed, nor did a muscle in her face move.
Late one November night she sat over her fire; not a human being besides herself in the house; none but she had ever slept there since Willie’s death. The farm-labourers had foddered the cattle and gone home hours before. There were crickets chirping all round the warm hearth-stones; there was the clock ticking with the peculiar beat Susan had known from her childhood, and which then and ever since she had oddly associated within the idea of a mother and child talking together, one loud tick, and quick—a feeble, sharp one following.
Late one November night, she sat by her fire; there was no one else in the house but her. Since Willie's death, no one else had ever stayed there. The farm workers had fed the cattle and left hours ago. Crickets were chirping all around the warm hearth stones; the clock was ticking with that familiar rhythm Susan had known since childhood, which she had always strangely connected to the idea of a mother and child talking together—one loud tick followed by a soft, quick one.
The day had been keen, and piercingly cold. The whole lift of heaven seemed a dome of iron. Black and frost-bound was the earth under the cruel east wind. Now the wind had dropped, and as the darkness had gathered in, the weather-wise old labourers prophesied snow. The sounds in the air arose again, as Susan sat still and silent. They were of a different character to what they had been during the prevalence of the east wind. Then they had been shrill and piping; now they were like low distant growling; not unmusical, but strangely threatening. Susan went to the window, and drew aside the little curtain. The whole world was white—the air was blinded with the swift and heavy fall of snow. At present it came down straight, but Susan knew those distant sounds in the hollows and gulleys of the hills portended a driving wind and a more cruel storm. She thought of her sheep; were they all folded? the new-born calf, was it bedded well? Before the drifts were formed too deep for her to pass in and out—and by the morning she judged that they would be six or seven feet deep—she would go out and see after the comfort of her beasts. She took a lantern, and tied a shawl over her head, and went out into the open air. She had tenderly provided for all her animals, and was returning, when, borne on the blast as if some spirit-cry—for it seemed to come rather down from the skies than from any creature standing on earth’s level—she heard a voice of agony; she could not distinguish words; it seemed rather as if some bird of prey was being caught in the whirl of the icy wind, and torn and tortured by its violence. Again up high above! Susan put down her lantern, and shouted loud in return; it was an instinct, for if the creature were not human, which she had doubted but a moment before, what good could her responding cry do? And her cry was seized on by the tyrannous wind, and borne farther away in the opposite direction to that from which the call of agony had proceeded. Again she listened; no sound: then again it rang through space; and this time she was sure it was human. She turned into the house, and heaped turf and wood on the fire, which, careless of her own sensations, she had allowed to fade and almost die out. She put a new candle in her lantern; she changed her shawl for a maud, and leaving the door on latch, she sallied out. Just at the moment when her ear first encountered the weird noises of the storm, on issuing forth into the open air, she thought she heard the words, “O God! O help!” They were a guide to her, if words they were, for they came straight from a rock not a quarter of a mile from Yew Nook, but only to be reached, on account of its precipitous character, by a round-about path. Thither she steered, defying wind and snow; guided by here a thorn-tree, there an old, doddered oak, which had not quite lest their identity under the whelming mask of snow. Now and then she stopped to listen; but never a word or sound heard she, till right from where the copse-wood grew thick and tangled at the base of the rock, round which she was winding, she heard a moan. Into the brake—all snow in appearance—almost a plain of snow looked on from the little eminence where she stood—she plunged, breaking down the bush, stumbling, bruising herself, fighting her way; her lantern held between her teeth, and she herself using head as well as hands to butt away a passage, at whatever cost of bodily injury. As she climbed or staggered, owing to the unevenness of the snow-covered ground, where the briars and weeds of years were tangled and matted together, her foot felt something strangely soft and yielding. She lowered her lantern; there lay a man, prone on his face, nearly covered by the fast-falling flakes; he must have fallen from the rock above, as, not knowing of the circuitous path, he had tried to descend its steep, slippery face. Who could tell? it was no time for thinking. Susan lifted him up with her wiry strength; he gave no help—no sign of life; but for all that he might be alive: he was still warm; she tied her maud round him; she fastened the lantern to her apron-string; she held him tight: half-carrying, half-dragging—what did a few bruises signify to him, compared to dear life, to precious life! She got him through the brake, and down the path. There, for an instant, she stopped to take breath; but, as if stung by the Furies, she pushed on again with almost superhuman strength. Clasping him round the waist, and leaning his dead weight against the lintel of the door, she tried to undo the latch; but now, just at this moment, a trembling faintness came over her, and a fearful dread took possession of her—that here, on the very threshold of her home, she might be found dead, and buried under the snow, when the farm-servants came in the morning. This terror stirred her up to one more effort. Then she and her companion were in the warmth of the quiet haven of that kitchen; she laid him on the settle, and sank on the floor by his side. How long she remained in this swoon she could not tell; not very long she judged by the fire, which was still red and sullenly glowing when she came to herself. She lighted the candle, and bent over her late burden to ascertain if indeed he were dead. She stood long gazing. The man lay dead. There could be no doubt about it. His filmy eyes glared at her, unshut. But Susan was not one to be affrighted by the stony aspect of death. It was not that; it was the bitter, woeful recognition of Michael Hurst!
The day had been sharp and extremely cold. The sky felt like a heavy metal dome. The earth was black and frozen beneath the harsh east wind. Now the wind had died down, and as darkness fell, the old farmers who knew the weather well predicted snow. The sounds in the air changed again as Susan sat quietly. They were different from when the east wind blew—those had been sharp and high-pitched; now they were like low distant growls, not unpleasant but oddly threatening. Susan went to the window and pulled back the little curtain. The whole world was white—the air was filled with the rapid and heavy snowfall. Right now it was coming down straight, but Susan sensed those distant sounds in the valleys and hollows of the hills warned of a fierce wind and a harsher storm. She thought of her sheep; were they all safe? Was the newborn calf warm enough? Before the snowdrifts became too deep for her to get in and out—and she figured by morning they would be six or seven feet deep—she needed to go out and check on her animals. She grabbed a lantern, wrapped a shawl around her head, and stepped outside into the cold. She had carefully taken care of all her animals and was on her way back when, carried by the wind as if it were a cry from the spirit world—for it sounded more like it came from above than from any creature on the ground—she heard a voice filled with agony; she couldn't make out the words; it seemed more like a bird of prey caught in the swirling, icy wind, being torn apart by its force. Again, high above! Susan put down her lantern and shouted back; it was a reflex, for if the creature was not human, which she doubted only a moment ago, what good would her call do? And her shout was swept away by the relentless wind, carried farther away in the opposite direction from which the cry of distress had come. She listened again; silence: then it rang out again; this time she was sure it was human. She turned back inside, piled turf and wood on the fire, which she had let fade and nearly die out, not caring for her own comfort. She replaced the candle in her lantern, swapped her shawl for a thicker one, and left the door unlatched as she stepped outside. Just as she first heard the strange sounds of the storm upon stepping into the cold, she thought she heard the words, “O God! O help!” Those words guided her, if they really were words, since they came straight from a rock less than a quarter of a mile from Yew Nook, but only accessible by a roundabout path due to the steepness. She pressed on, defying the wind and snow, guided by a thorn tree here and an old, gnarled oak there, which still held their identities under the deep cover of snow. She paused now and then to listen; but heard nothing until from where the dense, tangled copse-wood at the rock's base grew, she heard a moan. Into the thicket—all looking like snow—what seemed a flat expanse of snow from the little rise where she stood—she plunged, breaking branches, stumbling, bruising herself, fighting her way through, her lantern clenched between her teeth, using her head as well as her hands to clear a path, regardless of any pain. As she climbed or stumbled over the uneven, snow-covered ground, where the briars and weeds from years past were tangled together, her foot touched something oddly soft and yielding. She lowered her lantern; there lay a man, face down, nearly covered by the fast-falling snowflakes; he must have fallen from the rock above, not knowing the winding path he should have taken to safely descend. Who could say? It was no time for thinking. Susan lifted him with her wiry strength; he offered no assistance—no sign of life; but still, he might be alive: he was warm; she wrapped her shawl around him; she secured the lantern to her apron-string; she held him tightly: half-carrying, half-dragging—what did a few bruises matter to him, compared to the preciousness of life! She managed to get him through the underbrush and down the path. There, she paused for an instant to catch her breath; but, as if provoked by some inner force, she pushed on again with almost superhuman strength. Holding him around the waist and leaning his dead weight against the doorframe, she tried to undo the latch; but just then, a sudden faintness washed over her, and a terrible dread seized her—that here, on the very edge of her home, she might collapse, buried under the snow when the farmhands came in the morning. This fear prompted her to make one last effort. Then she and her burden were in the warmth of the peaceful kitchen; she laid him on the settle and sank to the floor beside him. She couldn't tell how long she was in that daze; not long, she guessed, because the fire was still glowing red and dimly flickering when she came to. She lit the candle and leaned over her recent burden to check if he was truly dead. She stared for a long time. The man lay lifeless. There was no doubt about it. His vacant eyes stared at her, wide open. But Susan wasn’t one to be frightened by the lifeless gaze of death. It wasn't that; it was the painful, sorrowful recognition of Michael Hurst!
She was convinced he was dead; but after a while she refused to believe in her conviction. She stripped off his wet outer-garments with trembling, hurried hands. She brought a blanket down from her own bed; she made up the fire. She swathed him in fresh, warm wrappings, and laid him on the flags before the fire, sitting herself at his head, and holding it in her lap, while she tenderly wiped his loose, wet hair, curly still, although its colour had changed from nut-brown to iron-gray since she had seen it last. From time to time she bent over the face afresh, sick, and fain to believe that the flicker of the fire-light was some slight convulsive motion. But the dim, staring eyes struck chill to her heart. At last she ceased her delicate, busy cares: but she still held the head softly, as if caressing it. She thought over all the possibilities and chances in the mingled yarn of their lives that might, by so slight a turn, have ended far otherwise. If her mother’s cold had been early tended, so that the responsibility as to her brother’s weal or woe had not fallen upon her; if the fever had not taken such rough, cruel hold on Will; nay, if Mrs. Gale, that hard, worldly sister, had not accompanied him on his last visit to Yew Nook—his very last before this fatal, stormy might; if she had heard his cry,—cry uttered by these pale, dead lips with such wild, despairing agony, not yet three hours ago!—O! if she had but heard it sooner, he might have been saved before that blind, false step had precipitated him down the rock! In going over this weary chain of unrealized possibilities, Susan learnt the force of Peggy’s words. Life was short, looking back upon it. It seemed but yesterday since all the love of her being had been poured out, and run to waste. The intervening years—the long monotonous years that had turned her into an old woman before her time—were but a dream.
She was sure he was dead, but after a while, she started to doubt her belief. With shaky, hurried hands, she took off his wet outer clothes. She got a blanket from her own bed and stoked the fire. She wrapped him in fresh, warm coverings and laid him on the floor in front of the fire, sitting at his head and holding it in her lap, gently wiping his damp, curly hair, which had turned from nut-brown to iron-gray since she last saw him. Occasionally, she leaned over his face, feeling sick, wishing to believe that the flicker of the firelight was some slight movement. But his dull, staring eyes chilled her heart. Eventually, she stopped her delicate, busy care, but she still held his head softly, as if to comfort it. She thought about all the possibilities and chances in their shared lives that, with just a slight change, could have turned out very differently. If her mother’s illness had been treated earlier, so she wouldn’t have had to shoulder the responsibility for her brother’s fate; if the fever hadn’t taken such a cruel grip on Will; or if Mrs. Gale, that tough, practical sister, hadn’t gone with him on his last visit to Yew Nook—his very last before this tragic, stormy night; and if she had heard his cry—uttered by those pale, dead lips with such wild, desperate agony, just three hours ago! Oh! If she had just heard it sooner, he might have been saved before that blind, reckless step sent him tumbling down the rocks! As she reflected on this exhausting chain of missed opportunities, Susan understood the weight of Peggy’s words. Life felt short, looking back. It seemed like just yesterday that all the love of her existence had been poured out, wasted. The years in between—the long, monotone years that had aged her before her time—felt like a dream.
The labourers coming in the dawn of the winter’s day were surprised to see the fire-light through the low kitchen-window. They knocked, and hearing a moaning answer, they entered, fearing that something had befallen their mistress. For all explanation they got these words
The workers arriving at dawn on a winter day were surprised to see the firelight through the low kitchen window. They knocked, and upon hearing a moaning response, they entered, worried that something had happened to their mistress. The only explanation they received was these words
“It is Michael Hurst. He was belated, and fell down the Raven’s Crag. Where does Eleanor, his wife, live?”
“It’s Michael Hurst. He was late and fell down the Raven’s Crag. Where does Eleanor, his wife, live?”
How Michael Hurst got to Yew Nook no one but Susan ever knew. They thought he had dragged himself there, with some sore internal bruise sapping away his minuted life. They could not have believed the superhuman exertion which had first sought him out, and then dragged him hither. Only Susan knew of that.
How Michael Hurst got to Yew Nook, no one but Susan ever knew. They thought he had made his way there, with some painful internal wound draining away his fleeting life. They couldn’t have imagined the superhuman effort that had first tracked him down and then brought him here. Only Susan knew about that.
She gave him into the charge of her servants, and went out and saddled her horse. Where the wind had drifted the snow on one side, and the road was clear and bare, she rode, and rode fast; where the soft, deceitful heaps were massed up, she dismounted and led her steed, plunging in deep, with fierce energy, the pain at her heart urging her onwards with a sharp, digging spur.
She handed him over to her servants and went outside to saddle her horse. Where the wind had blown the snow to one side and the road was clear, she rode quickly; where the soft, deceptive piles of snow were built up, she got off and led her horse, pushing through the deep snow with fierce energy, the pain in her heart driving her forward like a sharp, digging spur.
The gray, solemn, winter’s noon was more night-like than the depth of summer’s night; dim-purple brooded the low skies over the white earth, as Susan rode up to what had been Michael Hurst’s abode while living. It was a small farm-house carelessly kept outside, slatternly tended within. The pretty Nelly Hebthwaite was pretty still; her delicate face had never suffered from any long-enduring feeling. If anything, its expression was that of plaintive sorrow; but the soft, light hair had scarcely a tinge of gray; the wood-rose tint of complexion yet remained, if not so brilliant as in youth; the straight nose, the small mouth were untouched by time. Susan felt the contrast even at that moment. She knew that her own skin was weather-beaten, furrowed, brown,—that her teeth were gone, and her hair gray and ragged. And yet she was not two years older than Nelly,—she had not been, in youth, when she took account of these things. Nelly stood wondering at the strange-enough horse-woman, who stopped and panted at the door, holding her horse’s bridle, and refusing to enter.
The gray, gloomy winter noon felt more like night than the depths of summer's night; a dim purple hung in the low skies over the white ground as Susan rode up to what had been Michael Hurst's home when he was alive. It was a small farmhouse that looked messy outside and was poorly maintained inside. Pretty Nelly Hebthwaite was still pretty; her delicate face had never been marked by any long-lasting emotion. If anything, it showed a hint of sad loss, but her soft, light hair had hardly any gray; the rosy tint of her complexion remained, although not as vibrant as in her youth; her straight nose and small mouth showed no signs of aging. Susan felt the sharp contrast even then. She knew her own skin was weathered, lined, and brown; her teeth were gone, and her hair was gray and scraggly. And yet, she was not more than two years older than Nelly—she hadn’t been back in her youth when she noticed these things. Nelly stood, wondering about the strangely dressed horsewoman who stopped, out of breath at the door, holding her horse's bridle and refusing to step inside.
“Where is Michael Hurst?” asked Susan, at last.
“Where's Michael Hurst?” Susan finally asked.
“Well, I can’t rightly say. He should have been at home last night, but he was off, seeing after a public-house to be let at Ulverstone, for our farm does not answer, and we were thinking—”
“Well, I can’t really say. He should have been at home last night, but he was out checking on a pub for rent in Ulverstone, because our farm isn’t working out, and we were considering—”
“He did not come home last night?” said Susan, cutting short the story, and half-affirming, half-questioning, by way of letting in a ray of the awful light before she let it full in, in its consuming wrath.
“He didn’t come home last night?” Susan said, interrupting the story, and half-confirming, half-asking, as she let in a hint of the terrible truth before she revealed it completely, in its devastating force.
“No! he’ll be stopping somewhere out Ulverstone ways. I’m sure we’ve need of him at home, for I’ve no one but lile Tommy to help me tend the beasts. Things have not gone well with us, and we don’t keep a servant now. But you’re trembling all over, ma’am. You’d better come in, and take something warm, while your horse rests. That’s the stable-door, to your left.”
“No! He’ll be stopping somewhere around Ulverstone. I’m sure we need him at home, as I only have little Tommy to help me take care of the animals. Things haven’t been going well for us, and we don’t have a servant now. But you’re shaking all over, ma’am. You should come inside and get something warm while your horse rests. That’s the stable door to your left.”
Susan took her horse there; loosened his girths, and rubbed him down with a wisp of straw. Then she hooked about her for hay; but the place was bare of feed, and smelt damp and unused. She went to the house, thankful for the respite, and got some clap-bread, which she mashed up in a pailful of lukewarm water. Every moment was a respite, and yet every moment made her dread the more the task that lay before her. It would be longer than she thought at first. She took the saddle off, and hung about her horse, which seemed, somehow, more like a friend than anything else in the world. She laid her cheek against its neck, and rested there, before returning to the house for the last time.
Susan brought her horse there, loosened the girths, and rubbed him down with a handful of straw. Then she looked around for hay, but the place was empty of feed and smelled damp and unused. Grateful for a break, she went to the house and got some clap-bread, which she crumbled into a bucket of lukewarm water. Every moment felt like a relief, yet each moment made her dread the task ahead even more. It would take longer than she initially thought. She took off the saddle and spent time with her horse, which somehow felt more like a friend than anything else in the world. She rested her cheek against its neck before heading back to the house for the last time.
Eleanor had brought down one of her own gowns, which hung on a chair against the fire, and had made her unknown visitor a cup of hot tea. Susan could hardly bear all these little attentions: they choked her, and yet she was so wet, so weak with fatigue and excitement, that she could neither resist by voice or by action. Two children stood awkwardly about, puzzled at the scene, and even Eleanor began to wish for some explanation of who her strange visitor was.
Eleanor had taken one of her own dresses down, which was draped over a chair by the fire, and made her unknown guest a cup of hot tea. Susan could hardly handle all these little gestures: they overwhelmed her, yet she was so cold, so weak from fatigue and excitement, that she couldn't resist with words or actions. Two kids stood around awkwardly, confused by the situation, and even Eleanor started to wish for an explanation of who her mysterious visitor was.
“You’ve, maybe, heard him speaking of me? I’m called Susan Dixon.”
“You might have heard him talk about me? I’m Susan Dixon.”
Nelly coloured, and avoided meeting Susan’s eye.
Nelly blushed and looked away from Susan.
“I’ve heard other folk speak of you. He never named your name.”
“I’ve heard other people talk about you. He never said your name.”
This respect of silence came like balm to Susan: balm not felt or heeded at the time it was applied, but very grateful in its effects for all that.
This respect for silence was soothing to Susan: a comfort that didn’t feel significant when it was happening, but was deeply appreciated for its impact nonetheless.
“He is at my house,” continued Susan, determined not to stop or quaver in the operation—the pain which must be inflicted.
“He's at my house,” continued Susan, determined not to stop or hesitate in the task— the pain that must be caused.
“At your house? Yew Nook?” questioned Eleanor, surprised. “How came he there?”—half jealously. “Did he take shelter from the coming storm? Tell me,—there is something—tell me, woman!”
“At your place? Yew Nook?” Eleanor asked, surprised. “How did he end up there?”—half jealously. “Did he seek shelter from the approaching storm? Tell me—there’s something—tell me, woman!”
“He took no shelter. Would to God he had!”
“He didn't seek shelter. I wish he had!”
“O! would to God! would to God!” shrieked out Eleanor, learning all from the woful import of those dreary eyes. Her cries thrilled through the house; the children’s piping wailings and passionate cries on “Daddy! Daddy!” pierced into Susan’s very marrow. But she remained as still and tearless as the great round face upon the clock.
“O! I wish to God! I wish to God!” Eleanor cried out, realizing everything from the sorrowful meaning in those gloomy eyes. Her screams echoed through the house; the children's high-pitched whinings and desperate calls of “Daddy! Daddy!” cut through Susan to her core. But she stayed as still and dry-eyed as the large round face on the clock.
At last, in a lull of crying, she said,—not exactly questioning, but as if partly to herself—
At last, during a pause in the crying, she said—not really asking a question, but more like thinking out loud—
“You loved him, then?”
"You liked him, right?"
“Loved him! he was my husband! He was the father of three bonny bairns that lie dead in Grasmere churchyard. I wish you’d go, Susan Dixon, and let me weep without your watching me! I wish you’d never come near the place.”
“Loved him! He was my husband! He was the father of three sweet children who are buried in Grasmere churchyard. I wish you’d go, Susan Dixon, and let me cry without you watching me! I wish you’d never come near this place.”
“Alas! alas! it would not have brought him to life. I would have laid down my own to save his. My life has been so very sad! No one would have cared if I had died. Alas! alas!”
“Unfortunately! Unfortunately! it wouldn’t have brought him back to life. I would have given my own life to save his. My life has been so very sorrowful! No one would have cared if I had died. Unfortunately! Unfortunately!”
The tone in which she said this was so utterly mournful and despairing that it awed Nelly into quiet for a time. But by-and-by she said, “I would not turn a dog out to do it harm; but the night is clear, and Tommy shall guide you to the Red Cow. But, oh, I want to be alone! If you’ll come back to-morrow, I’ll be better, and I’ll hear all, and thank you for every kindness you have shown him,—and I do believe you’ve showed him kindness,—though I don’t know why.”
The way she said this was so deeply sad and hopeless that it left Nelly speechless for a moment. But eventually, she said, “I wouldn't even kick a dog out to hurt it; but the night is clear, and Tommy will take you to the Red Cow. But, oh, I just want to be alone! If you come back tomorrow, I’ll be in a better place, and I’ll listen to everything, and thank you for all the kindness you’ve shown him,—and I really believe you’ve been kind to him,—even though I don’t know why.”
Susan moved heavily and strangely.
Susan moved awkwardly and unnaturally.
She said something—her words came thick and unintelligible. She had had a paralytic stroke since she had last spoken. She could not go, even if she would. Nor did Eleanor, when she became aware of the state of the case, wish her to leave. She had her laid on her own bed, and weeping silently all the while for her last husband, she nursed Susan like a sister. She did not know what her guest’s worldly position might be; and she might never be repaid. But she sold many a little trifle to purchase such small comforts as Susan needed. Susan, lying still and motionless, learnt much. It was not a severe stroke; it might be the forerunner of others yet to come, but at some distance of time. But for the present she recovered, and regained much of her former health. On her sick-bed she matured her plans. When she returned to Yew Nook, she took Michael Hurst’s widow and children with her to live there, and fill up the haunted hearth with living forms that should banish the ghosts.
She said something—her words were thick and hard to understand. She had suffered a paralytic stroke since she last spoke. She couldn't leave, even if she wanted to. And when Eleanor realized what was happening, she didn’t want her to go. She had her laid down on her own bed, quietly crying for her late husband, and took care of Susan like a sister. She had no idea what Susan's situation was, and she might never get repaid. But she sold many little things to buy the small comforts that Susan needed. Susan, lying still and motionless, learned a lot. It wasn’t a severe stroke; it could be a sign of others to come, but that would be some time away. For now, she recovered and regained much of her former health. While on her sick bed, she worked on her plans. When she returned to Yew Nook, she brought Michael Hurst’s widow and children with her to live there, filling the haunted home with living people who would chase away the ghosts.
And so it fell out that the latter days of Susan Dixon’s life were better than the former.
And so it turned out that the later years of Susan Dixon's life were better than the earlier ones.
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