This is a modern-English version of The Wings of the Dove, Volume 1 of 2, originally written by James, Henry. It has been thoroughly updated, including changes to sentence structure, words, spelling, and grammar—to ensure clarity for contemporary readers, while preserving the original spirit and nuance. If you click on a paragraph, you will see the original text that we modified, and you can toggle between the two versions.

Scroll to the bottom of this page and you will find a free ePUB download link for this book.




THE WINGS OF THE DOVE







BY

HENRY JAMES





VOLUME I






NEW YORK

CHARLES SCRIBNER'S SONS

1902







Copyright, 1902, by
CHARLES SCRIBNER'S SONS

——

Published, August, 1902


TROW DIRECTORY
PRINTING AND BOOKBINDING COMPANY
NEW YORK






BOOK FIRST







THE WINGS OF THE DOVE



I



She waited, Kate Croy, for her father to come in, but he kept her unconscionably, and there were moments at which she showed herself, in the glass over the mantel, a face positively pale with the irritation that had brought her to the point of going away without sight of him. It was at this point, however, that she remained; changing her place, moving from the shabby sofa to the armchair upholstered in a glazed cloth that gave at once—she had tried it—the sense of the slippery and of the sticky. She had looked at the sallow prints on the walls and at the lonely magazine, a year old, that combined, with a small lamp in coloured glass and a knitted white centre-piece wanting in freshness, to enhance the effect of the purplish cloth on the principal table; she had above all, from time to time, taken a brief stand on the small balcony to which the pair of long windows gave access. The vulgar little street, in this view, offered scant relief from the vulgar little room; its main office was to suggest to her that the narrow black house-fronts, adjusted to a standard that would have been low even for backs, constituted quite the publicity implied by such privacies. One felt them in the room exactly as one felt the room—the hundred like it or worse—in the street. Each time she turned in again, each time, in her impatience, she gave him up, it was to sound to a deeper depth, while she tasted the faint, flat emanation of things, the failure of fortune and of honour. If she continued to wait it was really, in a manner, that she might not add the shame of fear, of individual, personal collapse, to all the other shames. To feel the street, to feel the room, to feel the table-cloth and the centre-piece and the lamp, gave her a small, salutary sense, at least, of neither shirking nor lying. This whole vision was the worst thing yet—as including, in particular, the interview for which she had prepared herself; and for what had she come but for the worst? She tried to be sad, so as not to be angry; but it made her angry that she couldn't be sad. And yet where was misery, misery too beaten for blame and chalk-marked by fate like a "lot" at a common auction, if not in these merciless signs of mere mean, stale feelings?

She waited for her father to come in, but he kept her waiting way too long, and there were moments when she caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror above the mantel, a face so pale with irritation that she felt ready to leave without even seeing him. But at this point, she stayed put, shifting from the worn-out sofa to the armchair covered in glossy fabric that felt both slippery and sticky—she had tried it. She looked at the faded prints on the walls and the lonely magazine that was a year old, which, along with a small colored glass lamp and a knitted white centerpiece that lacked freshness, added to the dreary effect of the purple cloth on the main table. Now and then, she stepped out onto the small balcony accessible through the long windows. The plain little street outside provided little escape from the equally plain little room; its main role was to remind her that the narrow, dark house façades, even low by back-alley standards, perfectly represented the kind of privacy she was experiencing. She felt the room just as she felt the street—the countless others like it or worse. Each time she turned back inside, each time she gave up on him out of frustration, it struck her deeper while she absorbed the faint, dull scent of her surroundings, failing fortune, and lost honor. If she continued to wait, it was partly to avoid adding the shame of fear, of personal failure, to all her other humiliations. To feel the street, the room, the tablecloth, the centerpiece, and the lamp gave her at least a small, useful sense of not dodging or deceiving herself. This whole scene was the worst yet—especially considering the meeting she had prepared for; and why had she come if not for the worst? She tried to feel sad, to keep from being angry; but it only made her angry that she couldn’t be sad. And yet, where was true misery, the kind that was too beaten down to blame and marked by fate like a lot at a common auction, if not in these relentless signs of stale, petty emotions?

Her father's life, her sister's, her own, that of her two lost brothers—the whole history of their house had the effect of some fine florid, voluminous phrase, say even a musical, that dropped first into words, into notes, without sense, and then, hanging unfinished, into no words, no notes at all. Why should a set of people have been put in motion, on such a scale and with such an air of being equipped for a profitable journey, only to break down without an accident, to stretch themselves in the wayside dust without a reason? The answer to these questions was not in Chirk Street, but the questions themselves bristled there, and the girl's repeated pause before the mirror and the chimney-place might have represented her nearest approach to an escape from them. Was it not in fact the partial escape from this "worst" in which she was steeped to be able to make herself out again as agreeable to see? She stared into the tarnished glass too hard indeed to be staring at her beauty alone. She readjusted the poise of her black, closely-feathered hat; retouched, beneath it, the thick fall of her dusky hair; kept her eyes, aslant, no less on her beautiful averted than on her beautiful presented oval. She was dressed altogether in black, which gave an even tone, by contrast, to her clear face and made her hair more harmoniously dark. Outside, on the balcony, her eyes showed as blue; within, at the mirror, they showed almost as black. She was handsome, but the degree of it was not sustained by items and aids; a circumstance moreover playing its part at almost any time in the impression she produced. The impression was one that remained, but as regards the sources of it no sum in addition would have made up the total. She had stature without height, grace without motion, presence without mass. Slender and simple, frequently soundless, she was somehow always in the line of the eye—she counted singularly for its pleasure. More "dressed," often, with fewer accessories, than other women, or less dressed, should occasion require, with more, she probably could not have given the key to these felicities. They were mysteries of which her friends were conscious—those friends whose general explanation was to say that she was clever, whether or no it were taken by the world as the cause or as the effect of her charm. If she saw more things than her fine face in the dull glass of her father's lodgings, she might have seen that, after all, she was not herself a fact in the collapse. She didn't judge herself cheap, she didn't make for misery. Personally, at least, she was not chalk-marked for the auction. She hadn't given up yet, and the broken sentence, if she was the last word, would end with a sort of meaning. There was a minute during which, though her eyes were fixed, she quite visibly lost herself in the thought of the way she might still pull things round had she only been a man. It was the name, above all, she would take in hand—the precious name she so liked and that, in spite of the harm her wretched father had done it, was not yet past praying for. She loved it in fact the more tenderly for that bleeding wound. But what could a penniless girl do with it but let it go?

Her father's life, her sister's, her own, and that of her two lost brothers—the entire history of their family felt like a long, elaborate phrase, almost musical, that started off as words and notes without any meaning, and then, hanging incomplete, faded into nothing. Why had such a group of people been set in motion, on such a grand scale and with such an air of being ready for an important journey, only to fail without any incident, ending up sprawled in the dust for no reason at all? The answers to these questions didn’t lie in Chirk Street, but the questions themselves loomed there, and the girl's repeated pauses in front of the mirror and the fireplace might have been her closest attempt to escape from them. Wasn't it, in fact, this partial escape from the "worst" that had her so immersed in that allowed her to make herself seem agreeable again? She stared into the tarnished glass too intently to be focused solely on her looks. She adjusted the angle of her black, feathered hat; touched up the thick fall of her dark hair beneath it; and kept her eyes, slightly tilted, equally on her beautiful profile as on her beautiful front view. Dressed entirely in black, she created a harmonious contrast with her clear face and made her hair appear even darker. Outside, on the balcony, her eyes appeared blue; inside, in front of the mirror, they appeared nearly black. She was attractive, but the extent of that was not supported by any additional features or embellishments, a situation that influenced her overall impression at almost any moment. The impression lingered, but regarding its sources, no combination could complete the whole. She had presence without bulk, elegance without movement, stature without height. Slender and straightforward, often silent, she somehow always caught the eye—she uniquely provided visual pleasure. More "dressed," often, with fewer accessories than other women, or less dressed when needed, with more, she likely couldn’t explain these charms. They were mysteries her friends noticed—friends who typically described her as clever, regardless of whether the world interpreted that as the cause or effect of her allure. If she saw more than just her pretty face reflected in the dull glass of her father's lodgings, she might have realized that, in the end, she wasn’t part of the failure. She didn’t view herself as worthless; she wasn’t aiming for despair. Personally, at least, she wasn’t marked for sale. She hadn’t given up yet, and the broken sentence—if she was the last word—would conclude with some meaning. For a moment, while her eyes were fixed, she visibly lost herself in the thought of how she might still turn things around if only she were a man. It was the name, above all, that she would take responsibility for—the precious name she cherished and that, despite the damage her unfortunate father had inflicted, wasn’t beyond hope. In fact, she loved it even more tenderly because of that painful scar. But what could a broke girl do with it other than let it slip away?

When her father at last appeared she became, as usual, instantly aware of the futility of any effort to hold him to anything. He had written her that he was ill, too ill to leave his room, and that he must see her without delay; and if this had been, as was probable, the sketch of a design, he was indifferent even to the moderate finish required for deception. He had clearly wanted, for perversities that he called reasons, to see her, just as she herself had sharpened for a talk; but she now again felt, in the inevitability of the freedom he used with her, all the old ache, her poor mother's very own, that he couldn't touch you ever so lightly without setting up. No relation with him could be so short or so superficial as not to be somehow to your hurt; and this, in the strangest way in the world, not because he desired it to be—feeling often, as he surely must, the profit for him of its not being—but because there was never a mistake for you that he could leave unmade or a conviction of his impossibility in you that he could approach you without strengthening. He might have awaited her on the sofa in his sitting-room, or might have stayed in bed and received her in that situation. She was glad to be spared the sight of such penetralia, but it would have reminded her a little less that there was no truth in him. This was the weariness of every fresh meeting; he dealt out lies as he might the cards from the greasy old pack for the game of diplomacy to which you were to sit down with him. The inconvenience—as always happens in such cases—was not that you minded what was false, but that you missed what was true. He might be ill, and it might suit you to know it, but no contact with him, for this, could ever be straight enough. Just so he even might die, but Kate fairly wondered on what evidence of his own she would some day have to believe it.

When her father finally showed up, she became, as always, immediately aware of how pointless it was to expect anything from him. He had written to say he was sick, too sick to leave his room, and that he needed to see her right away; and if this was, as likely, just a setup, he didn’t even care enough to put on a convincing act. He definitely wanted to see her for reasons he called valid, just like she was eager for a conversation; but now she felt again, in the inevitability of his casualness with her, all the old pain that her poor mother felt, that he could never touch you lightly without causing more hurt. No relationship with him could ever be so brief or superficial that it didn’t end up hurting you somehow; and this was the strangest thing of all—not because he wanted it to be that way—often feeling, as he surely must, that there was something to gain by keeping it complicated—but because he would never fail to make a mistake with you or reinforce any doubt about his inability to connect with you. He could have waited for her on the couch in his living room, or he could have stayed in bed and had her come to him there. She was relieved to avoid such intimate spaces, but it would have reminded her a little less that he was filled with falsehoods. This was the weariness that came with every new encounter; he dealt out lies like cards from a worn-out deck for the game of diplomacy you were supposed to join him in. The annoyance—as always happens in these situations—wasn’t that you cared about what was false, but that you longed for what was real. He might be sick, and while it might be nice to know that, no interaction with him could ever be straightforward enough. Just like he could die, but Kate genuinely wondered what evidence of his own she would someday have to rely on to believe it.

He had not at present come down from his room, which she knew to be above the one they were in: he had already been out of the house, though he would either, should she challenge him, deny it or present it as a proof of his extremity. She had, however, by this time, quite ceased to challenge him; not only, face to face with him, vain irritation dropped, but he breathed upon the tragic consciousness in such a way that after a moment nothing of it was left. The difficulty was not less that he breathed in the same way upon the comic: she almost believed that with this latter she might still have found a foothold for clinging to him. He had ceased to be amusing—he was really too inhuman. His perfect look, which had floated him so long, was practically perfect still; but one had long since for every occasion taken it for granted. Nothing could have better shown than the actual how right one had been. He looked exactly as much as usual—all pink and silver as to skin and hair, all straitness and starch as to figure and dress—the man in the world least connected with anything unpleasant. He was so particularly the English gentleman and the fortunate, settled, normal person. Seen at a foreign table d'hôte, he suggested but one thing: "In what perfection England produces them!" He had kind, safe eyes, and a voice which, for all its clean fulness, told, in a manner, the happy history of its having never had once to raise itself. Life had met him so, half-way, and had turned round so to walk with him, placing a hand in his arm and fondly leaving him to choose the pace. Those who knew him a little said, "How he does dress!"—those who knew him better said, "How does he?" The one stray gleam of comedy just now in his daughter's eyes was the funny feeling he momentarily made her have of being herself "looked up" by him in sordid lodgings. For a minute after he came in it was as if the place were her own and he the visitor with susceptibilities. He gave you funny feelings, he had indescribable arts, that quite turned the tables: that had been always how he came to see her mother so long as her mother would see him. He came from places they had often not known about, but he patronised Lexham Gardens. Kate's only actual expression of impatience, however, was "I'm glad you're so much better!"

He hadn't come down from his room yet, which she knew was above them. He had already left the house, but he would either deny it or use it as proof of his desperation if she called him out on it. By this point, she had stopped challenging him; not only did her frustration fade when she faced him, but he carried such a heavy presence that, after a moment, nothing of the weight remained. It was equally troubling that he had a similar effect on comedy: she almost thought she could hold onto him through that. He had stopped being entertaining—he felt too soulless. His perfect appearance, which had once captivated people, still looked nearly flawless; however, everyone had grown accustomed to it long ago. Nothing could have illustrated better how right they had been. He looked just as he always did—all pink and silver in his skin and hair, all neat and rigid in his body and clothes—the person in the world least associated with anything unpleasant. He was so distinctly the English gentleman, the lucky, stable, normal person. Seen at a foreign table d'hôte, he suggested only one thing: "What perfection England produces!" He had kind, trustworthy eyes, and a voice that, despite its smooth quality, somehow told the happy story of never having to raise itself. Life had met him halfway and had turned to stroll with him, placing a hand on his arm and allowing him to set the pace. Those who knew him a little said, "How well he dresses!"—those who knew him better said, "How does he?" The only stray hint of humor in his daughter's eyes at that moment was the strange sensation he gave her of being "looked up" by him in shabby lodgings. For a minute after he came in, it felt like the place was hers, and he was the guest with delicate sensibilities. He evoked strange feelings in people; he had indescribable charms that completely flipped the situation: that was always how he had come to see her mother, as long as her mother would see him. He came from places they had often not known about, but he looked down on Lexham Gardens. Kate's only real expression of impatience, though, was, "I'm glad you're feeling better!"

"I'm not so much better, my dear—I'm exceedingly unwell; the proof of which is, precisely, that I've been out to the chemist's—that beastly fellow at the corner." So Mr. Croy showed he could qualify the humble hand that assuaged him. "I'm taking something he has made up for me. It's just why I've sent for you—that you may see me as I really am."

"I'm not really doing much better, my dear—I'm feeling very sick; the proof of this is that I've been to the pharmacy—that awful guy at the corner." So Mr. Croy demonstrated he could describe the simple hand that eased his discomfort. "I'm taking something he's prepared for me. That's exactly why I called you here—to show you how I truly am."

"Oh papa, it's long since I've ceased to see you otherwise than as you really are! I think we've all arrived by this time at the right word for that: 'You're beautiful—n'en parlons plus.' You're as beautiful as ever—you look lovely." He judged meanwhile her own appearance, as she knew she could always trust him to do; recognising, estimating, sometimes disapproving, what she wore, showing her the interest he continued to take in her. He might really take none at all, yet she virtually knew herself the creature in the world to whom he was least indifferent. She had often enough wondered what on earth, at the pass he had reached, could give him pleasure, and she had come back, on these occasions, to that. It gave him pleasure that she was handsome, that she was, in her way, a sensible value. It was at least as marked, nevertheless, that he derived none from similar conditions, so far as they were similar, in his other child. Poor Marian might be handsome, but he certainly didn't care. The hitch here, of course, was that, with whatever beauty, her sister, widowed and almost in want, with four bouncing children, was not a sensible value. She asked him, the next thing, how long he had been in his actual quarters, though aware of how little it mattered, how little any answer he might make would probably have in common with the truth. She failed in fact to notice his answer, truthful or not, already occupied as she was with what she had on her own side to say to him. This was really what had made her wait—what superseded the small remainder of her resentment at his constant practical impertinence; the result of all of which was that, within a minute, she had brought it out. "Yes—even now I'm willing to go with you. I don't know what you may have wished to say to me, and even if you hadn't written you would within a day or two have heard from me. Things have happened, and I've only waited, for seeing you, till I should be quite sure. I am quite sure. I'll go with you."

"Oh Dad, it's been a while since I've seen you for who you really are! I think we can finally agree on the right words for that: 'You're beautiful—let's not talk about it.' You're just as beautiful as ever—you look great." He assessed her appearance, which she knew she could always count on him to do; recognizing, evaluating, sometimes critiquing what she wore, showing her the interest he still had in her. He might not actually care at all, but deep down she knew she was the one person in the world he was least indifferent to. She often wondered what could possibly bring him joy given his situation, and she always came back to this: it brought him joy that she was attractive, that she had some value as a person. However, it was equally clear that he felt none of this regarding similar traits in his other child. Poor Marian might be pretty, but he certainly didn't care. The issue here was that, despite any beauty, her sister, now a widow with four young children and almost in need, wasn't a sensible value. She next asked him how long he had been in his current place, knowing how little it mattered, how little his response would likely reflect the truth. In fact, she didn’t even register his answer, whether it was truthful or not, because she was already focused on what she wanted to say to him. This was really what had made her wait—what had overshadowed the small trace of her resentment at his constant practical disregard; the result was that, within a minute, she had brought it up. "Yes—even now I'm ready to go with you. I don't know what you wanted to discuss, and even if you hadn't written, you would have heard from me in a day or two. Things have happened, and I've only held off seeing you until I was absolutely certain. I am absolutely certain. I'll go with you."

It produced an effect. "Go with me where?"

It had an impact. "Where do you want me to go with you?"

"Anywhere. I'll stay with you. Even here." She had taken off her gloves and, as if she had arrived with her plan, she sat down.

"Anywhere. I'll be with you. Even here." She had taken off her gloves and, as if she had come ready with her plan, she sat down.

Lionel Croy hung about in his disengaged way—hovered there as if, in consequence of her words, looking for a pretext to back out easily: on which she immediately saw she had discounted, as it might be called, what he had himself been preparing. He wished her not to come to him, still less to settle with him, and had sent for her to give her up with some style and state; a part of the beauty of which, however, was to have been his sacrifice to her own detachment. There was no style, no state, unless she wished to forsake him. His idea had accordingly been to surrender her to her wish with all nobleness; it had by no means been to have positively to keep her off. She cared, however, not a straw for his embarrassment—feeling how little, on her own part, she was moved by charity. She had seen him, first and last, in so many attitudes that she could now deprive him quite without compunction of the luxury of a new one. Yet she felt the disconcerted gasp in his tone as he said: "Oh my child, I can never consent to that!"

Lionel Croy lingered around in his usual detached way—hovered there as if, because of her words, he was looking for an excuse to back out easily. She promptly noticed that she had overlooked what he had been preparing. He didn’t want her to come to him, let alone settle anything with him, and had called her to break things off with some flair. Part of the beauty of this was supposed to be his sacrifice for her own detachment. However, there was no flair, no drama, unless she decided to walk away from him. His intention had been to let her go with all nobility; it certainly wasn’t meant to be about keeping her at arm's length. Still, she didn’t care at all about his discomfort—she realized how little compassion she felt on her own part. She had seen him in so many different situations that she could now deny him the pleasure of a new one without any guilt. Yet, she sensed the surprised gasp in his voice as he said, “Oh my child, I can never agree to that!”

"What then are you going to do?"

"What are you going to do now?"

"I'm turning it over," said Lionel Croy. "You may imagine if I'm not thinking."

"I'm turning it over," said Lionel Croy. "You can imagine that I'm thinking."

"Haven't you thought then," his daughter asked, "of what I speak of? I mean of my being ready."

"Haven't you thought about what I'm talking about?" his daughter asked. "I mean about me being ready."

Standing before her with his hands behind him and his legs a little apart, he swayed slightly to and fro, inclined toward her as if rising on his toes. It had an effect of conscientious deliberation. "No. I haven't. I couldn't. I wouldn't." It was so respectable, a show that she felt afresh, and with the memory of their old despair, the despair at home, how little his appearance ever by any chance told about him. His plausibility had been the heaviest of her mother's crosses; inevitably so much more present to the world than whatever it was that was horrid—thank God they didn't really know!—that he had done. He had positively been, in his way, by the force of his particular type, a terrible husband not to live with; his type reflecting so invidiously on the woman who had found him distasteful. Had this thereby not kept directly present to Kate herself that it might, on some sides, prove no light thing for her to leave uncompanioned a parent with such a face and such a manner? Yet if there was much she neither knew nor dreamed of, it passed between them at this very moment that he was quite familiar with himself as the subject of such quandaries. If he recognised his younger daughter's happy aspect as a sensible value, he had from the first still more exactly appraised his own. The great wonder was not that in spite of everything his own had helped him; the great wonder was that it hadn't helped him more. However, it was, to its old, eternal, recurrent tune, helping him all the while; her drop into patience with him showed how it was helping him at this moment. She saw the next instant precisely the line he would take. "Do you really ask me to believe you've been making up your mind to that?"

Standing in front of her with his hands behind his back and his legs slightly apart, he swayed a bit back and forth, leaning toward her as if he were rising on his toes. It gave off an air of careful consideration. "No. I haven't. I couldn't. I wouldn't." It was so respectable that she felt it all over again, especially remembering their old despair, the despair at home, and how little his appearance ever truly revealed about him. His charm had been the heaviest burden for her mother; he was so much more presentable to the world than whatever horrible things—thankfully they didn’t really know!—he had done. He had really been, in his own way, a terrible husband to live with; his persona reflected so poorly on the woman who found him repulsive. Did this not keep Kate aware that it might be quite challenging for her to leave a parent with such a face and demeanor all alone? Yet, while there was much she didn’t know or even imagine, it was clear in this moment that he was very much aware of himself as the focus of such dilemmas. If he recognized his younger daughter’s cheerful demeanor as a valuable trait, he had from the start evaluated his own even more critically. The real surprise wasn’t that despite everything, his own had been of help to him; the real surprise was that it hadn’t helped him more. Still, it was, to its old, familiar, recurring rhythm, helping him all the time; her acceptance and patience with him showed how it was aiding him in this moment. She instantly understood exactly the route he would take. "Do you really expect me to believe you’ve been thinking about that?"

She had to consider her own line. "I don't think I care, papa, what you believe. I never, for that matter, think of you as believing anything; hardly more," she permitted herself to add, "than I ever think of you as yourself believed. I don't know you, father, you see."

She had to think about her own perspective. "I don't really care, Dad, what you believe. Honestly, I never really think of you as believing anything; barely any more," she allowed herself to add, "than I ever think of you as someone who believed anything at all. I don’t know you, Dad, you see."

"And it's your idea that you may make that up?"

"And you think you can just make that up?"

"Oh dear, no; not at all. That's no part of the question. If I haven't understood you by this time, I never shall, and it doesn't matter. It has seemed to me that you may be lived with, but not that you may be understood. Of course I've not the least idea how you get on."

"Oh no, not at all. That’s not really the point. If I haven’t figured you out by now, I probably never will, and it doesn’t really matter. It seems to me that you can be dealt with, but not fully understood. Honestly, I have no clue how you manage."

"I don't get on," Mr. Croy almost gaily replied.

"I don't get along," Mr. Croy almost cheerfully replied.

His daughter took in the place again, and it might well have seemed odd that in so little to meet the eye there should be so much to show. What showed was the ugliness—so positive and palpable that it was somehow sustaining. It was a medium, a setting, and to that extent, after all, a dreadful sign of life; so that it fairly put a point into her answer. "Oh, I beg your pardon. You flourish."

His daughter looked around the place again, and it might have seemed strange that there was so much to notice in such a small area. What stood out was the ugliness—so intense and real that it was almost comforting. It was a backdrop, a context, and in that way, a grim indicator of life; so much so that it really strengthened her response. "Oh, I’m sorry. You’re doing well."

"Do you throw it up at me again," he pleasantly inquired, "that I've not made away with myself?"

"Are you bringing that up again?" he asked cheerfully. "That I haven't taken my own life?"

She treated the question as needing no reply; she sat there for real things. "You know how all our anxieties, under mamma's will, have come out. She had still less to leave than she feared. We don't know how we lived. It all makes up about two hundred a year for Marian, and two for me, but I give up a hundred to Marian."

She acted like the question didn’t require an answer; she was there for genuine matters. "You know how all our worries, according to Mom's will, have turned out. She had even less to leave than she was afraid of. We have no idea how we managed. It all adds up to about two hundred a year for Marian, and two for me, but I’m giving up a hundred to Marian."

"Oh, you weak thing!" her father kindly sighed.

"Oh, you fragile thing!" her father gently sighed.

"For you and me together," she went on, "the other hundred would do something."

"For you and me together," she continued, "the other hundred would make a difference."

"And what would do the rest?"

"And what would the others do?"

"Can you yourself do nothing?" He gave her a look; then, slipping his hands into his pockets and turning away, stood for a little at the window she had left open. She said nothing more—she had placed him there with that question, and the silence lasted a minute, broken by the call of an appealing costermonger, which came in with the mild March air, with the shabby sunshine, fearfully unbecoming to the room, and with the small homely hum of Chirk Street. Presently he moved nearer, but as if her question had quite dropped. "I don't see what has so suddenly wound you up."

"Can you really do nothing?" He gave her a glance, then slipped his hands into his pockets and turned away, standing at the window she had left open for a moment. She didn’t say anything more—she had put him in that position with her question, and the silence lingered for a minute, broken by the call of an appealing street vendor, which floated in with the gentle March air, the shabby sunlight that did nothing for the room, and the small, familiar buzz of Chirk Street. After a bit, he moved closer, but it seemed like her question had completely faded away. "I don’t see what’s got you so worked up all of a sudden."

"I should have thought you might perhaps guess. Let me at any rate tell you. Aunt Maud has made me a proposal. But she has also made me a condition. She wants to keep me."

"I should have thought you might guess. Let me tell you anyway. Aunt Maud has made me a proposal. But she has also attached a condition. She wants to keep me."

"And what in the world else could she possibly want?"

"And what in the world else could she possibly want?"

"Oh, I don't know—many things. I'm not so precious a capture," the girl a little dryly explained. "No one has ever wanted to keep me before."

"Oh, I don’t know—lots of things. I’m not that special," the girl said with a hint of sarcasm. "No one has ever wanted to hold on to me before."

Looking always what was proper, her father looked now still more surprised than interested. "You've not had proposals?" He spoke as if that were incredible of Lionel Croy's daughter; as if indeed such an admission scarce consorted, even in filial intimacy, with her high spirit and general form.

Looking for what was appropriate, her father now seemed even more surprised than interested. "You haven't had any proposals?" He said this as if it were unbelievable for Lionel Croy's daughter; as if such a confession hardly matched, even in the closeness of family, with her strong spirit and overall character.

"Not from rich relations. She's extremely kind to me, but it's time, she says, that we should understand each other."

"Not from wealthy family members. She's really nice to me, but she says it's time for us to understand each other."

Mr. Croy fully assented. "Of course it is—high time; and I can quite imagine what she means by it."

Mr. Croy completely agreed. "Of course it is—about time; and I can totally understand what she means by that."

"Are you very sure?"

"Are you really sure?"

"Oh, perfectly. She means that she'll 'do' for you handsomely if you'll break off all relations with me. You speak of her condition. Her condition's of course that."

“Oh, perfect. She means that she’ll take care of you nicely if you cut off all ties with me. You mention her situation. Her situation is, of course, just that.”

"Well then," said Kate, "it's what has wound me up. Here I am."

"Well then," Kate said, "that's what's got me all worked up. Here I am."

He showed with a gesture how thoroughly he had taken it in; after which, within a few seconds, he had, quite congruously, turned the situation about. "Do you really suppose me in a position to justify your throwing yourself upon me?"

He indicated with a gesture just how completely he understood; after which, in just a few seconds, he had, quite fittingly, turned the situation around. "Do you really think I can justify you putting yourself on me?"

She waited a little, but when she spoke it was clear. "Yes."

She waited a moment, but when she spoke, it was clear. "Yes."

"Well then, you're a bigger fool than I should have ventured to suppose you."

"Well then, you're an even bigger fool than I would have dared to think you were."

"Why so? You live. You flourish. You bloom."

"Why is that? You live. You thrive. You blossom."

"Ah, how you've all always hated me!" he murmured with a pensive gaze again at the window.

"Ah, how you've all always hated me!" he murmured, gazing thoughtfully out the window again.

"No one could be less of a mere cherished memory," she declared as if she had not heard him. "You're an actual person, if there ever was one. We agreed just now that you're beautiful. You strike me, you know, as—in your own way—much more firm on your feet than I am. Don't put it to me therefore as monstrous that the fact that we are, after all, parent and child should at present in some manner count for us. My idea has been that it should have some effect for each of us. I don't at all, as I told you just now," she pursued, "make out your life; but whatever it is I hereby offer you to accept it. And, on my side, I'll do everything I can for you."

"No one could be less than just a favorite memory," she said, as if she hadn't heard him. "You're a real person, if there ever was one. We just agreed that you're beautiful. You seem to me, you know, in your own way, to be much more grounded than I am. So don’t think it’s crazy that the fact we’re, after all, parent and child should mean something to us right now. I’ve always believed it should matter for both of us. I don’t really understand your life at all, as I just told you," she continued, "but whatever it is, I’m here to accept it. And, on my part, I’ll do everything I can for you."

"I see," said Lionel Croy. Then, with the sound of extreme relevance, "And what can you?" She only, at this, hesitated, and he took up her silence. "You can describe yourself—to yourself—as, in a fine flight, giving up your aunt for me; but what good, I should like to know, would your fine flight do me?" As she still said nothing he developed a little. "We're not possessed of so much, at this charming pass, please to remember, as that we can afford not to take hold of any perch held out to us. I like the way you talk, my dear, about 'giving up!' One doesn't give up the use of a spoon because one's reduced to living on broth. And your spoon, that is your aunt, please consider, is partly mine as well." She rose now, as if in sight of the term of her effort, in sight of the futility and the weariness of many things, and moved back to the poor little glass with which she had communed before. She retouched here again the poise of her hat, and this brought to her father's lips another remark in which impatience, however, had already been replaced by a funny flare of appreciation. "Oh, you're all right! Don't muddle yourself up with me!"

"I get it," said Lionel Croy. Then, with great importance, he added, "And what can you do?" At this, she hesitated, and he seized on her silence. "You can describe yourself—to yourself—as, in some grand gesture, giving up your aunt for me; but what good, I’d like to know, would your grand gesture do me?" Since she still didn’t reply, he elaborated a bit. "We're not so lucky, at this lovely moment, just so you know, that we can afford not to take any opportunity offered to us. I like how you talk, my dear, about 'giving up!' You don’t give up the use of a spoon just because you can only eat broth. And your spoon, which is your aunt, just so you know, is partly mine too." She stood up now, as if reaching the end of her struggle, aware of the futility and fatigue of many things, and returned to the little glass she had used before. She adjusted the tilt of her hat again, which prompted another comment from her father, where impatience had now transformed into a quirky sense of appreciation. "Oh, you're fine! Don’t get all tangled up with me!"

His daughter turned round to him. "The condition Aunt Maud makes is that I shall have absolutely nothing to do with you; never see you, nor speak, nor write to you, never go near you nor make you a sign, nor hold any sort of communication with you. What she requires is that you shall simply cease to exist for me."

His daughter turned to him. "Aunt Maud's condition is that I have absolutely nothing to do with you; I can never see you, speak to you, write to you, go near you, give you any sign, or have any type of communication with you. What she wants is for you to just stop existing for me."

He had always seemed—it was one of the marks of what they called the "unspeakable" in him—to walk a little more on his toes, as if for jauntiness, in the presence of offence. Nothing, however, was more wonderful than what he sometimes would take for offence, unless it might be what he sometimes wouldn't. He walked at any rate on his toes now. "A very proper requirement of your Aunt Maud, my dear—I don't hesitate to say it!" Yet as this, much as she had seen, left her silent at first from what might have been a sense of sickness, he had time to go on: "That's her condition then. But what are her promises? Just what does she engage to do? You must work it, you know."

He always seemed—this was one of the signs of what they called the "unspeakable" in him—to walk a bit more on his toes, almost like he was trying to be cheerful, when faced with offense. However, nothing was more surprising than what he sometimes considered offensive, unless it was what he sometimes didn’t. At any rate, he was walking on his toes now. "A very proper request from your Aunt Maud, my dear—I won’t hesitate to say that!" But even though she had seen a lot, this left her momentarily speechless, perhaps feeling a bit unwell. He had time to continue: "So that’s her condition. But what are her promises? What exactly does she commit to doing? You need to figure it out, you know."

"You mean make her feel," Kate asked after a moment, "how much I'm attached to you?"

"You mean make her feel," Kate asked after a moment, "how much I care about you?"

"Well, what a cruel, invidious treaty it is for you to sign. I'm a poor old dad to make a stand about giving up—I quite agree. But I'm not, after all, quite the old dad not to get something for giving up."

"Well, what a harsh, unfair treaty it is for you to sign. I'm just a poor old dad trying to stand my ground about giving up—I totally agree. But I'm not really so much of an old dad that I won't get something for giving up."

"Oh, I think her idea," said Kate almost gaily now, "is that I shall get a great deal."

"Oh, I think her idea," said Kate almost cheerfully now, "is that I will get a lot."

He met her with his inimitable amenity. "But does she give you the items?"

He greeted her with his unique charm. "But does she give you the items?"

The girl went through the show. "More or less, I think. But many of them are things I dare say I may take for granted—things women can do for each other and that you wouldn't understand."

The girl went through the show. "More or less, I guess. But a lot of them are things I’m sure I can take for granted—things women do for each other that you wouldn’t get."

"There's nothing I understand so well, always, as the things I needn't! But what I want to do, you see," he went on, "is to put it to your conscience that you've an admirable opportunity; and that it's moreover one for which, after all, damn you, you've really to thank me."

"There's nothing I understand so well, always, as the things I don't need to! But what I want to do, you see," he continued, "is to appeal to your conscience that you have an amazing opportunity; and that it's also one for which, after all, damn you, you really have to thank me."

"I confess I don't see," Kate observed, "what my 'conscience' has to do with it."

"I have to admit I don’t see," Kate said, "what my 'conscience' has to do with it."

"Then, my dear girl, you ought simply to be ashamed of yourself. Do you know what you're a proof of, all you hard, hollow people together?" He put the question with a charming air of sudden spiritual heat. "Of the deplorably superficial morality of the age. The family sentiment, in our vulgarised, brutalised life, has gone utterly to pot. There was a day when a man like me—by which I mean a parent like me—would have been for a daughter like you a quite distinct value; what's called in the business world, I believe, an 'asset.'" He continued sociably to make it out. "I'm not talking only of what you might, with the right feeling do for me, but of what you might—it's what I call your opportunity—do with me. Unless indeed," he the next moment imperturbably threw off, "they come a good deal to the same thing. Your duty as well as your chance, if you're capable of seeing it, is to use me. Show family feeling by seeing what I'm good for. If you had it as I have it you'd see I'm still good—well, for a lot of things. There's in fact, my dear," Mr. Croy wound up, "a coach-and-four to be got out of me." His drop, or rather his climax, failed a little of effect, indeed, through an undue precipitation of memory. Something his daughter had said came back to him. "You've settled to give away half your little inheritance?"

"Then, my dear girl, you should really be ashamed of yourself. Do you know what you’re proof of, all you hard, hollow people together?" He asked this with a charming spark of sudden passion. "Of the sadly superficial morality of our time. The family bond, in our watered-down, brutal life, has completely fallen apart. There was a time when a man like me—by which I mean a parent like me—would have been a significant value to a daughter like you; what's known in the business world, I believe, as an 'asset.'" He continued to explain sociably. "I’m not just talking about what you could do for me with the right mindset, but also what you could—this is what I call your opportunity—do with me. Unless," he added calmly after a moment, "they actually come to the same thing. Your responsibility, as well as your chance, if you’re able to see it, is to use me. Show family sentiment by recognizing what I’m good for. If you had the insight that I have, you’d see I’m still valuable—well, for many things. In fact, my dear,” Mr. Croy concluded, “there’s a coach-and-four to be had from me.” His dramatic point slightly missed the mark due to a sudden lapse of memory. Something his daughter had said came back to him. “You’ve decided to give away half your little inheritance?”

Her hesitation broke into laughter. "No—I haven't 'settled' anything."

Her hesitation turned into laughter. "No—I haven't 'settled' anything."

"But you mean, practically, to let Marian collar it?" They stood there face to face, but she so denied herself to his challenge that he could only go on. "You've a view of three hundred a year for her in addition to what her husband left her with? Is that," the remote progenitor of such wantonness audibly wondered, "your morality?"

"But you actually plan to let Marian have it?" They stood there facing each other, but she was so dismissive of his challenge that he had no choice but to continue. "You have a plan to give her three hundred a year on top of what her husband left her? Is that,” the distant source of such recklessness wondered out loud, “your idea of morality?"

Kate found her answer without trouble. "Is it your idea that I should give you everything?"

Kate easily found her answer. "Do you think I should give you everything?"

The "everything" clearly struck him—to the point even of determining the tone of his reply. "Far from it. How can you ask that when I refuse what you tell me you came to offer? Make of my idea what you can; I think I've sufficiently expressed it, and it's at any rate to take or to leave. It's the only one, I may nevertheless add; it's the basket with all my eggs. It's my conception, in short, of your duty."

The "everything" definitely hit him hard—so much so that it influenced how he responded. "Not at all. How can you question that when I turn down what you say you want to offer? Interpret my idea however you like; I've made it clear enough, and it's yours to accept or reject. It's the only one I've got, just to add; it's the basket containing all my eggs. In short, it's my understanding of your responsibility."

The girl's tired smile watched the word as if it had taken on a small grotesque visibility. "You're wonderful on such subjects! I think I should leave you in no doubt," she pursued, "that if I were to sign my aunt's agreement I should carry it out, in honour, to the letter."

The girl's weary smile looked at the word as if it had become oddly visible. "You’re amazing at discussing these topics! I want to make it clear," she continued, "that if I were to sign my aunt's agreement, I would fulfill it, out of respect, exactly as it is."

"Rather, my own love! It's just your honour that I appeal to. The only way to play the game is to play it. There's no limit to what your aunt can do for you."

"Instead, my love! I'm just asking for your respect. The only way to handle this is to dive right in. Your aunt can do so much for you."

"Do you mean in the way of marrying me?"

"Are you asking if you want to marry me?"

"What else should I mean? Marry properly——"

"What else could I mean? Get married the right way—"

"And then?" Kate asked as he hung fire.

"And then?" Kate asked as he paused.

"And then—well, I will talk with you. I'll resume relations."

"And then—well, I will talk to you. I'll start talking again."

She looked about her and picked up her parasol. "Because you're not so afraid of any one else in the world as you are of her? My husband, if I should marry, would be, at the worst, less of a terror? If that's what you mean, there may be something in it. But doesn't it depend a little also on what you mean by my getting a proper one? However," Kate added as she picked out the frill of her little umbrella, "I don't suppose your idea of him is quite that he should persuade you to live with us."

She looked around and grabbed her umbrella. "So you're more scared of her? My husband, if I marry, would be much less intimidating at the worst? If that's what you mean, there might be some truth to it. But doesn't it also depend on what you mean by me finding the right one? However," Kate said as she adjusted the frill of her small umbrella, "I doubt your idea of him is really that he should convince you to live with us."

"Dear no—not a bit." He spoke as not resenting either the fear or the hope she imputed; met both imputations, in fact, with a sort of intellectual relief. "I place the case for you wholly in your aunt's hands. I take her view, with my eyes shut; I accept in all confidence any man she selects. If he's good enough for her—elephantine snob as she is—he's good enough for me; and quite in spite of the fact that she'll be sure to select one who can be trusted to be nasty to me. My only interest is in your doing what she wants. You shan't be so beastly poor, my darling," Mr. Croy declared, "if I can help it."

"Not at all." He said this without resenting either the fear or the hope she associated with it; he actually responded to both assumptions with a sort of intellectual relief. "I'm leaving the decision entirely in your aunt's hands. I trust her judgment completely; I have no doubt about any man she picks. If he's good enough for her—as much of a snob as she is—then he's good enough for me, even though I know she'll probably choose someone who's bound to be rude to me. My only concern is that you do what she wants. You won't have to be so painfully poor, my darling," Mr. Croy promised, "if I can do anything about it."

"Well then, good-bye, papa," the girl said after a reflection on this that had perceptibly ended for her in a renunciation of further debate. "Of course you understand that it may be for long."

"Well then, goodbye, Dad," the girl said after thinking about this, which had clearly led her to give up on any further argument. "Of course, you realize it might be for a while."

Her companion, hereupon, had one of his finest inspirations. "Why not, frankly, for ever? You must do me the justice to see that I don't do things, that I've never done them, by halves—that if I offer you to efface myself, it's for the final, fatal sponge that I ask, well saturated and well applied."

Her companion then had one of his best inspirations. "Why not, honestly, forever? You should recognize that I don't do things halfway—that if I offer to erase myself, it's for the final, lasting wipe that I ask for, well-soaked and well-applied."

She turned her handsome, quiet face upon him at such length that it might well have been for the last time. "I don't know what you're like."

She turned her beautiful, silent face towards him for so long that it could have been for the last time. "I don't know what you're like."

"No more do I, my dear. I've spent my life in trying, in vain, to discover. Like nothing—more's the pity. If there had been many of us, and we could have found each other out, there's no knowing what we mightn't have done. But it doesn't matter now. Good-bye, love." He looked even not sure of what she would wish him to suppose on the subject of a kiss, yet also not embarrassed by his uncertainty.

"No more for me, my dear. I’ve spent my life trying, but it’s been in vain. It’s such a shame. If there had been more of us, and we could have really connected, who knows what we might have accomplished? But it doesn’t matter now. Goodbye, love." He seemed unsure of what she expected from him regarding a kiss, yet he wasn’t embarrassed by his uncertainty.

She forbore in fact for a moment longer to clear it up. "I wish there were some one here who might serve—for any contingency—as a witness that I have put it to you that I'm ready to come."

She held off for just a moment longer from clearing it up. "I wish there was someone here who could serve—as a witness for any situation—that I have told you I'm ready to come."

"Would you like me," her father asked, "to call the landlady?"

“Do you want me,” her father asked, “to call the landlady?”

"You may not believe me," she pursued, "but I came really hoping you might have found some way. I'm very sorry, at all events, to leave you unwell." He turned away from her, on this, and, as he had done before, took refuge, by the window, in a stare at the street. "Let me put it—unfortunately without a witness," she added after a moment, "that there's only one word you really need speak."

"You might not believe me," she continued, "but I genuinely hoped you would have found a solution. I'm really sorry, in any case, to leave you feeling unwell." He turned away from her at this and, as he had before, took refuge by the window, staring out at the street. "Let me put it this way—unfortunately without a witness," she added after a moment, "there's just one word you really need to say."

When he took this up it was still with his back to her. "If I don't strike you as having already spoken it, our time has been singularly wasted."

When he brought this up, he still had his back to her. "If I don’t seem like I’ve already said this, then our time has been completely wasted."

"I'll engage with you in respect to my aunt exactly to what she wants of me in respect to you. She wants me to choose. Very well, I will choose. I'll wash my hands of her for you to just that tune."

"I'll talk to you about what my aunt wants from me regarding you. She wants me to make a choice. Alright, I will choose. I'll distance myself from her just for you."

He at last brought himself round. "Do you know, dear, you make me sick? I've tried to be clear, and it isn't fair."

He finally came to his senses. "You know, sweetheart, you make me feel sick? I've tried to be clear, and it's just not fair."

But she passed this over; she was too visibly sincere. "Father!"

But she ignored this; she was too genuinely sincere. "Father!"

"I don't quite see what's the matter with you," he said, "and if you can't pull yourself together I'll—upon my honour—take you in hand. Put you into a cab and deliver you again safe at Lancaster Gate."

"I don’t really understand what your problem is," he said, "and if you can’t get it together, I swear I’ll take charge. I’ll put you in a cab and make sure you get back to Lancaster Gate safely."

She was really absent, distant. "Father."

She was completely checked out, disconnected. "Dad."

It was too much, and he met it sharply. "Well?"

It was overwhelming, and he faced it decisively. "So?"

"Strange as it may be to you to hear me say it, there's a good you can do me and a help you can render."

"Strange as it might sound to you, there's something good you can do for me and a way you can help."

"Isn't it then exactly what I've been trying to make you feel?"

"Isn't that exactly what I've been trying to make you feel?"

"Yes," she answered patiently, "but so in the wrong way. I'm perfectly honest in what I say, and I know what I'm talking about. It isn't that I'll pretend I could have believed a month ago in anything to call aid or support from you. The case is changed—that's what has happened; my difficulty's a new one. But even now it's not a question of anything I should ask you in a way to 'do.' It's simply a question of your not turning me away—taking yourself out of my life. It's simply a question of your saying: 'Yes then, since you will, we'll stand together. We won't worry in advance about how or where; we'll have a faith and find a way.' That's all—that would be the good you'd do me. I should have you, and it would be for my benefit. Do you see?"

"Yes," she replied patiently, "but not in the right way. I’m completely honest about what I say, and I know what I’m talking about. It’s not that I could have believed a month ago in anything that would call for help or support from you. The situation has changed—that’s what’s happened; my problem is new. But even now, it’s not about asking you to ‘do’ anything. It’s really just about you not pushing me away—removing yourself from my life. It’s simply about you saying: ‘Alright then, since you want to, we’ll stick together. We won’t stress in advance about how or where; we'll have faith and find a way.’ That’s all—that would be the good you could do for me. I would have you, and it would benefit me. Do you see?"

If he didn't it was not for want of looking at her hard. "The matter with you is that you're in love, and that your aunt knows and—for reasons, I'm sure, perfect—hates and opposes it. Well she may! It's a matter in which I trust her with my eyes shut. Go, please." Though he spoke not in anger—rather in infinite sadness—he fairly turned her out. Before she took it up he had, as the fullest expression of what he felt, opened the door of the room. He had fairly, in his deep disapproval, a generous compassion to spare. "I'm sorry for her, deluded woman, if she builds on you."

If he didn't, it wasn't for lack of studying her intently. "The problem with you is that you're in love, and your aunt knows it and—for reasons that I’m sure are completely valid—hates it and opposes it. And rightly so! It's a situation in which I trust her completely. Please leave." Even though he wasn't angry—more like profoundly sad—he practically pushed her out. Before she could respond, he had opened the door of the room as a full expression of his feelings. Despite his strong disapproval, he felt a deep compassion. "I feel sorry for her, misguided woman, if she thinks she can count on you."

Kate stood a moment in the draught. "She's not the person I pity most, for, deluded in many ways though she may be, she's not the person who's most so. I mean," she explained, "if it's a question of what you call building on me."

Kate stood for a moment in the draft. "She’s not the person I feel sorriest for, because, even though she’s misguided in many ways, she’s not the most pitiful. I mean,” she clarified, “if it’s about what you consider relying on me.”

He took it as if what she meant might be other than her description of it. "You're deceiving two persons then, Mrs. Lowder and somebody else?"

He took it as if what she was saying might mean something different than what she described. "So you're deceiving two people then, Mrs. Lowder and someone else?"

She shook her head with detachment. "I've no intention of that sort with respect to any one now—to Mrs. Lowder least of all. If you fail me"—she seemed to make it out for herself—"that has the merit at least that it simplifies. I shall go my way—as I see my way."

She shook her head casually. "I have no plans like that for anyone right now—least of all for Mrs. Lowder. If you let me down”—she appeared to think it through—“at least it has the benefit of making things simpler. I'll just continue on my path—as I see it."

"Your way, you mean then, will be to marry some blackguard without a penny?"

"Are you saying that your plan is to marry some scoundrel with no money?"

"You ask a great deal of satisfaction," she observed, "for the little you give."

"You expect a lot of satisfaction," she remarked, "for the little you actually give."

It brought him up again before her as with a sense that she was not to be hustled; and, though he glared at her a little, this had long been the practical limit to his general power of objection. "If you're base enough to incur your aunt's disgust, you're base enough for my argument. What, if you're not thinking of an utterly improper person, do your speeches to me signify? Who is the beggarly sneak?" he demanded as her response failed. Her response, when it came, was cold but distinct. "He has every disposition to make the best of you. He only wants in fact to be kind to you."

It brought him back in front of her with the feeling that she wouldn't be pushed around; and although he glared at her a bit, this had long been the practical limit of his ability to object. "If you're low enough to earn your aunt's disgust, you're low enough for my argument. What, if you're not thinking of someone completely inappropriate, do your speeches to me even mean anything? Who is this pathetic sneak?" he demanded as her reply was delayed. When she finally responded, her tone was cold but clear. "He really wants to make the best of you. He just wants to be kind to you, in fact."

"Then he must be an ass! And how in the world can you consider it to improve him for me," her father pursued, "that he's also destitute and impossible? There are asses and asses, even—the right and the wrong—and you appear to have carefully picked out one of the wrong. Your aunt knows them, by good fortune; I perfectly trust, as I tell you, her judgment for them; and you may take it from me once for all that I won't hear of any one of whom she won't." Which led up to his last word. "If you should really defy us both——!"

"Then he must be a jerk! And how on earth can you think it’s a good idea to make him better for me," her father continued, "that he’s also broke and completely hopeless? There are jerks and jerks—some are good and some are bad—and it seems you’ve picked one of the bad ones. Luckily, your aunt knows them; I completely trust her judgment about them, and let me be clear, I won’t accept anyone she doesn’t approve of." This brought him to his final point. "If you really go against us both——!"

"Well, papa?"

"Well, Dad?"

"Well, my sweet child, I think that—reduced to insignificance as you may fondly believe me—I should still not be quite without some way of making you regret it."

"Well, my dear child, I think that—no matter how small you might think I am—I would still have some way of making you regret it."

She had a pause, a grave one, but not, as appeared, that she might measure this danger. "If I shouldn't do it, you know, it wouldn't be because I'm afraid of you."

She stopped for a moment, a serious one, but not, as it seemed, to assess this threat. "If I don’t do it, you know, it won’t be because I’m scared of you."

"Oh, if you don't do it," he retorted, "you may be as bold as you like!"

"Oh, if you don't do it," he shot back, "you can be as bold as you want!"

"Then you can do nothing at all for me?"

"Then you can’t do anything for me?"

He showed her, this time unmistakably—it was before her there on the landing, at the top of the tortuous stairs and in the midst of the strange smell that seemed to cling to them—how vain her appeal remained. "I've never pretended to do more than my duty; I've given you the best and the clearest advice." And then came up the spring that moved him. "If it only displeases you, you can go to Marian to be consoled." What he couldn't forgive was her dividing with Marian her scant share of the provision their mother had been able to leave them. She should have divided it with him.

He made it clear to her this time—there it was, right in front of her on the landing, at the top of the twisted stairs and surrounded by that odd smell that seemed to linger—how pointless her plea was. "I’ve never claimed to do more than my duty; I’ve given you the best and clearest advice." Then came the rush of feeling that moved him. "If it only bothers you, you can go to Marian for comfort." What he couldn't forgive was her sharing with Marian the little bit of support their mother had managed to leave them. She should have shared it with him.



II



She had gone to Mrs. Lowder on her mother's death—gone with an effort the strain and pain of which made her at present, as she recalled them, reflect on the long way she had travelled since then. There had been nothing else to do—not a penny in the other house, nothing but unpaid bills that had gathered thick while its mistress lay mortally ill, and the admonition that there was nothing she must attempt to raise money on, since everything belonged to the "estate." How the estate would turn out at best presented itself as a mystery altogether gruesome; it had proved, in fact, since then a residuum a trifle less scant than, with Marian, she had for some weeks feared; but the girl had had at the beginning rather a wounded sense of its being watched on behalf of Marian and her children. What on earth was it supposed that she wanted to do to it? She wanted in truth only to give up—to abandon her own interest, which she, no doubt, would already have done had not the point been subject to Aunt Maud's sharp intervention. Aunt Maud's intervention was all sharp now, and the other point, the great one, was that it was to be, in this light, either all put up with or all declined. Yet at the winter's end, nevertheless, she could scarce have said what stand she conceived she had taken. It wouldn't be the first time she had seen herself obliged to accept with smothered irony other people's interpretation of her conduct. She often ended by giving up to them—it seemed really the way to live—the version that met their convenience.

She had gone to Mrs. Lowder after her mother passed away—gone with such effort that now, as she remembered it, she reflected on how far she had come since then. There was nothing else she could do—no money in the other house, only unpaid bills that had piled up while its owner lay dying, and the reminder that there was nothing she could try to sell for cash, since everything belonged to the "estate." How the estate would turn out was a completely grim mystery; it had actually turned out to be a bit more than she had feared for several weeks with Marian; but at the beginning, the girl felt a bit hurt that it seemed to be monitored for Marian and her kids. What was it supposed that she wanted to do with it? In truth, she just wanted to give up—to let go of her own interest, which she would have done already if it hadn't been for Aunt Maud's sharp intervention. Aunt Maud was all sharp now, and the main issue was that it was to be, in this context, either completely tolerated or completely rejected. Yet by the end of winter, she could hardly even say what stance she thought she had taken. It wouldn’t be the first time she felt she had to accept with hidden irony other people's interpretations of her actions. She often ended up going along with them—it truly seemed like the way to live—to adopt the version that suited their convenience.

The tall, rich, heavy house at Lancaster Gate, on the other side of the Park and the long South Kensington stretches, had figured to her, through childhood, through girlhood, as the remotest limit of her vague young world. It was further off and more occasional than anything else in the comparatively compact circle in which she revolved, and seemed, by a rigour early marked, to be reached through long, straight, discouraging vistas, which kept lengthening and straightening, whereas almost everything else in life was either, at the worst, round about Cromwell Road, or, at the furthest, in the nearer parts of Kensington Gardens. Mrs. Lowder was her only "real" aunt, not the wife of an uncle, and had been thereby, both in ancient days and when the greater trouble came, the person, of all persons, properly to make some sign; in accord with which our young woman's feeling was founded on the impression, quite cherished for years, that the signs made across the interval just mentioned had never been really in the note of the situation. The main office of this relative, for the young Croys—apart from giving them their fixed measure of social greatness—had struck them as being to form them to a conception of what they were not to expect. When Kate came to think matters over with the aid of knowledge, she failed quite to see how Aunt Maud could have been different—she had rather perceived by this time how many other things might have been; yet she also made out that if they had all consciously lived under a liability to the chill breath of ultima Thule they couldn't, either, on the facts, very well have done less. What in the event appeared established was that if Mrs. Lowder had disliked them she had yet not disliked them so much as they supposed. It had at any rate been for the purpose of showing how she struggled with her aversion that she sometimes came to see them, that she at regular periods invited them to her house, and in short, as it now looked, kept them along on the terms that would best give her sister the perennial luxury of a grievance. This sister, poor Mrs. Croy, the girl knew, had always judged her resentfully, and had brought them up, Marian, the boys and herself, to the idea of a particular attitude, for signs of the practice of which they watched each other with awe. The attitude was to make plain to Aunt Maud, with the same regularity as her invitations, that they sufficed—thanks awfully—to themselves. But the ground of it, Kate lived to discern, was that this was only because she didn't suffice to them. The little she offered was to be accepted under protest, yet not, really, because it was excessive. It wounded them—there was the rub!—because it fell short.

The tall, wealthy, imposing house at Lancaster Gate, across from the Park and the long stretches of South Kensington, had represented for her, throughout her childhood and teenage years, the farthest edge of her vague young world. It was more distant and less frequent than anything else in the relatively small circle she moved in, and it seemed that, from the start, it could only be reached through long, straight, discouraging paths that kept stretching and becoming straighter, while nearly everything else in life was at most along Cromwell Road, or at the furthest, in the closer areas of Kensington Gardens. Mrs. Lowder was her only "real" aunt, not just the wife of an uncle, and had been, both in the old days and when the bigger trouble came, the one person who should have shown some sign; thus, our young woman's feelings were based on the impression, cherished for years, that the signs made across the mentioned distance had never truly captured the reality of the situation. The main role of this relative, for the young Croys—apart from giving them their standard measure of social status—had seemed to them to shape their understanding of what they should not expect. When Kate reflected on things with the help of realization, she couldn't quite see how Aunt Maud could have acted differently—by this point, she could see how many other things might have been; yet she also realized that if they had all consciously lived under the risk of the cold touch of ultima Thule, they couldn't have done much less, either, based on the actual facts. What ultimately seemed clear was that if Mrs. Lowder had disliked them, she had not disliked them as much as they thought. At any rate, it had certainly been to show how she wrestled with her dislike that she sometimes visited them, that she regularly invited them to her home, and, in short, as it looked now, kept them around on terms that would best provide her sister with the endless luxury of a grievance. This sister, poor Mrs. Croy, the girl understood, had always judged her with resentment and had raised them—Marian, the boys, and herself—to embrace a particular attitude, for signs of which they observed each other with awe. The attitude was to make it clear to Aunt Maud, as regularly as her invitations, that they were perfectly fine on their own—thanks a lot. But the reason for it, Kate eventually recognized, was that this was only because she didn’t fulfill their needs. The little she offered had to be accepted begrudgingly, not because it was excessive. It hurt them—therein lay the problem!—because it fell short.

The number of new things our young lady looked out on from the high south window that hung over the Park—this number was so great (though some of the things were only old ones altered and, as the phrase was of other matters, done up), that life at present turned to her view from week to week more and more the face of a striking and distinguished stranger. She had reached a great age—for it quite seemed to her that at twenty-five it was late to reconsider; and her most general sense was a shade of regret that she had not known earlier. The world was different—whether for worse or for better—from her rudimentary readings, and it gave her the feeling of a wasted past. If she had only known sooner she might have arranged herself more to meet it. She made, at all events, discoveries every day, some of which were about herself and others about other persons. Two of these—one under each head—more particularly engaged, in alternation, her anxiety. She saw as she had never seen before how material things spoke to her. She saw, and she blushed to see, that if, in contrast with some of its old aspects, life now affected her as a dress successfully "done up," this was exactly by reason of the trimmings and lace, was a matter of ribbons and silk and velvet. She had a dire accessibility to pleasure from such sources. She liked the charming quarters her aunt had assigned her—liked them literally more than she had in all her other days liked anything; and nothing could have been more uneasy than her suspicion of her relative's view of this truth. Her relative was prodigious—she had never done her relative justice. These larger conditions all tasted of her, from morning till night; but she was a person in respect to whom the growth of acquaintance could only—strange as it might seem—keep your heart in your mouth.

The number of new things our young lady saw from the high south window overlooking the Park was overwhelming (even though some were just old things revamped, as people say about other matters), making life increasingly seem like a striking and distinguished stranger to her week by week. She felt like she was at an advanced age—at twenty-five, it felt late to rethink things—and her overall feeling was a hint of regret for not realizing this sooner. The world was different—whether for better or worse—compared to her early readings, which made her feel like she had wasted her past. If she had only known earlier, she could have adjusted herself better to face it. Regardless, she made discoveries every day, some about herself and some about others. Two of these—one for each category—especially occupied her thoughts in turn. She realized, as she had never done before, how much material things affected her. She was embarrassed to notice that if life now impacted her like a well-tailored dress, it was entirely due to the trimmings and lace, a matter of ribbons and silk and velvet. She found herself highly susceptible to pleasure from these things. She genuinely liked the lovely place her aunt had assigned her—more than she had liked anything in all her other days; and nothing could have made her more uneasy than her suspicion of her relative's opinion about this fact. Her relative was incredible—she had never fully appreciated her. These broader conditions influenced her from morning till night; yet she was a person for whom growing closer could, strangely enough, leave your heart racing.

The girl's second great discovery was that, so far from having been for Mrs. Lowder a subject of superficial consideration, the blighted home in Lexham Gardens had haunted her nights and her days. Kate had spent, all winter, hours of observation that were not less pointed for being spent alone; recent events, which her mourning explained, assured her a measure of isolation, and it was in the isolation above all that her neighbour's influence worked. Sitting far downstairs Aunt Maud was yet a presence from which a sensitive niece could feel herself extremely under pressure. She knew herself now, the sensitive niece, as having been marked from far back. She knew more than she could have told you, by the upstairs fire, in a whole dark December afternoon. She knew so much that her knowledge was what fairly kept her there, making her at times more endlessly between the small silk-covered sofa that stood for her in the firelight and the great grey map of Middlesex spread beneath her lookout. To go down, to forsake her refuge, was to meet some of her discoveries half-way, to have to face them or fly before them; whereas they were at such a height only like the rumble of a far-off siege heard in the provisioned citadel. She had almost liked, in these weeks, what had created her suspense and her stress: the loss of her mother, the submersion of her father, the discomfort of her sister, the confirmation of their shrunken prospects, the certainty, in especial, of her having to recognise that, should she behave, as she called it, decently—that is still do something for others—she would be herself wholly without supplies. She held that she had a right to sadness and stillness; she nursed them for their postponing power. What they mainly postponed was the question of a surrender—though she could not yet have said exactly of what: a general surrender of everything—that was at moments the way it presented itself—to Aunt Maud's looming "personality." It was by her personality that Aunt Maud was prodigious, and the great mass of it loomed because, in the thick, the foglike air of her arranged existence, there were parts doubtless magnified and parts certainly vague. They represented at all events alike, the dim and the distinct, a strong will and a high hand. It was perfectly present to Kate that she might be devoured, and she likened herself to a trembling kid, kept apart a day or two till her turn should come, but sure sooner or later to be introduced into the cage of the lioness.

The girl's second major realization was that, contrary to being just a passing thought for Mrs. Lowder, the troubled home in Lexham Gardens had haunted her both day and night. Kate had spent countless hours observing things alone throughout the winter; even though her mourning explained her behavior, recent events guaranteed a level of isolation, and it was mainly in this isolation that her neighbor's impact took hold. Aunt Maud sat far downstairs but still felt like an overwhelming presence that a sensitive niece could feel pressing down on her. Kate recognized herself now as that sensitive niece, marked from a long time ago. She understood more than she could express by the upstairs fire on a dark December afternoon. She knew so much that her insight was what kept her there, often feeling trapped between the small silk-covered sofa that represented her in the firelight and the large gray map of Middlesex spread out beneath her view. To go downstairs, to leave her safe space, meant confronting some of her realizations halfway, having to either face them or flee from them; while they were at such a distance, they resembled the distant sounds of a siege heard from a well-fortified fortress. In those weeks, she had almost appreciated what had brought her this anxiety and strain: the loss of her mother, her father's despair, her sister's discomfort, the confirmation of their dwindling prospects, and especially the certainty that if she acted, as she called it, decently—which meant doing something for others—she would be entirely left without support. She believed she had a right to sadness and stillness; she cherished them for their ability to delay action. What they mainly delayed was the question of surrender—though she couldn't yet pinpoint exactly what that was: a total surrender of everything—which sometimes felt like it was presenting itself as Aunt Maud's looming "personality." Aunt Maud was impressive due to her personality, and the sheer weight of it loomed because, in the thick, foggy atmosphere of her carefully arranged life, there were undoubtedly magnified aspects and others that were definitely unclear. They represented, in any case, both the vague and the clear, a strong will and a firm hand. Kate was very aware that she might be consumed, and she likened herself to a trembling kid kept away for a day or two until her turn came, certain sooner or later to be introduced into the lioness's cage.

The cage was Aunt Maud's own room, her office, her counting-house, her battlefield, her especial scene, in fine, of action, situated on the ground-floor, opening from the main hall and figuring rather to our young woman on exit and entrance as a guard house or a toll-gate. The lioness waited—the kid had at least that consciousness; was aware of the neighbourhood of a morsel she had reason to suppose tender. She would have been meanwhile a wonderful lioness for a show, an extraordinary figure in a cage or anywhere; majestic, magnificent, high-coloured, all brilliant gloss, perpetual satin, twinkling bugles and flashing gems, with a lustre of agate eyes, a sheen of raven hair, a polish of complexion that was like that of well-kept china and that—as if the skin were too tight—told especially at curves and corners. Her niece had a quiet name for her—she kept it quiet; thinking of her, with a free fancy, as somehow typically insular, she talked to herself of Britannia of the Market Place—Britannia unmistakable, but with a pen in her ear, and felt she should not be happy till she might on some occasion add to the rest of the panoply a helmet, a shield, a trident and a ledger. It was not in truth, however, that the forces with which, as Kate felt, she would have to deal were those most suggested by an image simple and broad; she was learning, after all, each day, to know her companion, and what she had already most perceived was the mistake of trusting to easy analogies. There was a whole side of Britannia, the side of her florid philistinism, her plumes and her train, her fantastic furniture and heaving bosom, the false gods of her taste and false notes of her talk, the sole contemplation of which would be dangerously misleading. She was a complex and subtle Britannia, as passionate as she was practical, with a reticule for her prejudices as deep as that other pocket, the pocket full of coins stamped in her image, that the world best knew her by. She carried on, in short, behind her aggressive and defensive front, operations determined by her wisdom. It was in fact, we have hinted, as a besieger that our young lady, in the provisioned citadel, had for the present most to think of her, and what made her formidable in this character was that she was unscrupulous and immoral. So, at all events, in silent sessions and a youthful off-hand way, Kate conveniently pictured her: what this sufficiently represented being that her weight was in the scale of certain dangers—those dangers that, by our showing, made the younger woman linger and lurk above, while the elder, below, both militant and diplomatic, covered as much of the ground as possible. Yet what were the dangers, after all, but just the dangers of life and of London? Mrs. Lowder was London, was life—the roar of the siege and the thick of the fray. There were some things, after all, of which Britannia was afraid; but Aunt Maud was afraid of nothing—not even, it would appear, of arduous thought. These impressions, none the less, Kate kept so much to herself that she scarce shared them with poor Marian, the ostensible purpose of her frequent visits to whom yet continued to be to talk over everything. One of her reasons for holding off from the last concession to Aunt Maud was that she might be the more free to commit herself to this so much nearer and so much less fortunate relative, with whom Aunt Maud would have, directly, almost nothing to do. The sharpest pinch of her state, meanwhile, was exactly that all intercourse with her sister had the effect of casting down her courage and tying her hands, adding daily to her sense of the part, not always either uplifting or sweetening, that the bond of blood might play in one's life. She was face to face with it now, with the bond of blood; the consciousness of it was what she seemed most clearly to have "come into" by the death of her mother, much of that consciousness as her mother had absorbed and carried away. Her haunting, harrassing father, her menacing, uncompromising aunt, her portionless little nephews and nieces, were figures that caused the chord of natural piety superabundantly to vibrate. Her manner of putting it to herself—but more especially in respect to Marian—was that she saw what you might be brought to by the cultivation of consanguinity. She had taken, in the old days, as she supposed, the measure of this liability; those being the days when, as the second-born, she had thought no one in the world so pretty as Marian, no one so charming, so clever, so assured, in advance, of happiness and success. The view was different now, but her attitude had been obliged, for many reasons, to show as the same. The subject of this estimate was no longer pretty, as the reason for thinking her clever was no longer plain; yet, bereaved, disappointed, demoralised, querulous, she was all the more sharply and insistently Kate's elder and Kate's own. Kate's most constant feeling about her was that she would make her, Kate, do things; and always, in comfortless Chelsea, at the door of the small house the small rent of which she couldn't help having on her mind, she fatalistically asked herself, before going in, which thing it would probably be this time. She noticed with profundity that disappointment made people selfish; she marvelled at the serenity—it was the poor woman's only one—of what Marian took for granted: her own state of abasement as the second-born, her life reduced to mere inexhaustible sisterhood. She existed, in that view, wholly for the small house in Chelsea; the moral of which moreover, of course, was that the more one gave oneself the less of one was left. There were always people to snatch at one, and it would never occur to them that they were eating one up. They did that without tasting.

The cage was Aunt Maud's personal space—her office, her financial headquarters, her battleground, essentially her unique setting for action. It was located on the ground floor, opening directly from the main hall, and it felt more to our young woman like a guardhouse or a tollgate on her comings and goings. The lioness waited—at least the kid was aware of that; she sensed the presence of something she thought might be tender. Meanwhile, she would have made a fantastic lioness for a show, an extraordinary figure in a cage or anywhere; majestic, stunning, vibrant, glistening with a perpetual shine, sparkling embellishments, and dazzling gems, with agate-like eyes, raven hair, and a complexion reminiscent of well-maintained porcelain, which—almost as if the skin were too tight—was especially noticeable at the curves and corners. Her niece had a private nickname for her—she kept it to herself; thinking of her as somehow characteristically insular, she would envision her as Britannia in the Marketplace—undeniably Britannia, but with a pen behind her ear, feeling she wouldn't be content until she could someday add to her ensemble a helmet, a shield, a trident, and a ledger. In reality, though, as Kate sensed, the forces she would have to face weren't those suggested by a simple image; she was learning more about her companion each day, and what she had most noticeably realized was the error of relying on straightforward analogies. There was a whole side to Britannia—the aspect of her flamboyant materialism, her feathers and her entourage, her extravagant furniture and heaving bosom, the false idols of her taste and the misleading notes in her conversation; focusing solely on these would be dangerously misleading. She was a complex and nuanced Britannia, as passionate as she was practical, carrying prejudices as deeply as her other pocket—the one filled with coins bearing her likeness—that the world primarily recognized her by. Beneath her aggressive and defensive exterior, she operated based on her wisdom. In fact, as we've indicated, our young lady, stuck in the stocked fortress of her situation, often found herself thinking about her and what made her powerful in this regard was her lack of scruples and immorality. So, at any rate, in silent sessions and a casual manner, Kate conveniently envisioned her: this representation was enough to signify that her influence weighed heavily in the balance of certain dangers—those dangers that made the younger woman linger and hesitate above, while the older one, below, both combative and diplomatic, covered as much ground as possible. Yet what were these dangers, after all, but simply the challenges of life and living in London? Mrs. Lowder was London, was life—the chaos of the siege and the fracas. There were indeed some things that Britannia feared; Aunt Maud, however, feared nothing—not even, it seemed, the challenge of deep thought. Kate kept these impressions mostly to herself, sharing them barely even with poor Marian, the supposed reason for her frequent visits, which continued to revolve around discussing everything. One of her reasons for holding back from the last concession to Aunt Maud was to give herself more freedom to connect with this much closer and less fortunate relative, whom Aunt Maud wouldn't interact with directly at all. The most painful aspect of her situation was that any interaction with her sister drained her confidence and restrained her, deepening her sense of the role that familial ties could play in one's life—not always in a positive or uplifting way. She was now confronted with it—the bond of blood; the awareness of it was what she seemed to have really "come into" following her mother's death, much of that awareness absorbed and taken away by her mother. Her haunting, harassing father, her intimidating, unyielding aunt, her penniless little nephews and nieces were figures that struck a deep chord of natural obligation within her. When she considered it, especially in relation to Marian, she recognized what one could end up facing due to the cultivation of family ties. In the old days, she believed she had measured this risk; those were the days when, as the second child, she thought no one in the world was as beautiful as Marian, no one so charming, so clever, so assured of happiness and success. Her view had changed now, but for many reasons, her attitude remained the same. The person of her assessment was no longer attractive, and the reasons for thinking she was clever weren't clear anymore; yet, grieving, disheartened, demoralized, and complaining, Marian was all the more sharply and insistently both her elder and her own. Kate's persistent feeling about her was that she would make Kate act; and always, in the cheerless area of Chelsea, at the door of the small house with its small rent burdening her thoughts, she fatalistically wondered to herself before entering which thing it would be this time. She profoundly noticed that disappointment turned people self-centered; she marveled at the calm—Marian's only virtue—of what she took for granted: her own state of indignity as the second child, her life reduced to mere endless sisterhood. To her, it seemed she existed entirely for the small house in Chelsea; the moral, of course, was that the more one gave of oneself, the less of oneself remained. There were always people ready to take from you, and it would never occur to them that they were consuming you. They did this without even realizing.

There was no such misfortune, or at any rate no such discomfort, she further reasoned, as to be formed at once for being and for seeing. You always saw, in this case, something else than what you were, and you got, in consequence, none of the peace of your condition. However, as she never really let Marian see what she was, Marian might well not have been aware that she herself saw. Kate was accordingly, to her own vision, not a hypocrite of virtue, for she gave herself up; but she was a hypocrite of stupidity, for she kept to herself everything that was not herself. What she most kept was the particular sentiment with which she watched her sister instinctively neglect nothing that would make for her submission to their aunt; a state of the spirit that perhaps marked most sharply how poor you might become when you minded so much the absence of wealth. It was through Kate that Aunt Maud should be worked, and nothing mattered less than what might become of Kate in the process. Kate was to burn her ships, in short, so that Marian should profit; and Marian's desire to profit was quite oblivious of a dignity that had, after all, its reasons—if it had only cared for them—for keeping itself a little stiff. Kate, to be properly stiff for both of them, would therefore have had to be selfish, have had to prefer an ideal of behaviour—than which nothing, ever, was more selfish—to the possibility of stray crumbs for the four small creatures. The tale of Mrs. Lowder's disgust at her elder niece's marriage to Mr. Condrip had lost little of its point; the incredibly fatuous behaviour of Mr. Condrip, the parson of a dull suburban parish, with a saintly profile which was always in evidence, being so distinctly on record to keep criticism consistent. He had presented his profile on system, having, goodness knew, nothing else to present—nothing at all to full-face the world with, no imagination of the propriety of living and minding his business. Criticism had remained on Aunt Maud's part consistent enough; she was not a person to regard such proceedings as less of a mistake for having acquired more of the privilege of pathos. She had not been forgiving, and the only approach she made to overlooking them was by overlooking—with the surviving delinquent—the solid little phalanx that now represented them. Of the two sinister ceremonies that she lumped together, the marriage and the interment, she had been present at the former, just as she had sent Marian, before it, a liberal cheque; but this had not been for her more than the shadow of an admitted link with Mrs. Condrip's course. She disapproved of clamorous children for whom there was no prospect; she disapproved of weeping widows who couldn't make their errors good; and she had thus put within Marian's reach one of the few luxuries left when so much else had gone, an easy pretext for a constant grievance. Kate Croy remembered well what their mother, in a different quarter, had made of it; and it was Marian's marked failure to pluck the fruit of resentment that committed them, as sisters, to an almost equal fellowship in abjection. If the theory was that, yes, alas, one of the pair had ceased to be noticed, but that the other was noticed enough to make up for it, who would fail to see that Kate couldn't separate herself without a cruel pride? That lesson became sharp for our young lady the day after her interview with her father.

There was no such misfortune, or at least no real discomfort, she thought, as being made for both existing and observing at the same time. In this case, you always saw something different from what you truly were, which meant you didn’t get any of the peace that comes with your own situation. However, since she never really let Marian see who she was, Marian might not have even realized that she herself was observing. To her own eyes, Kate wasn't a hypocrite of virtue because she allowed herself to be vulnerable; but she was a hypocrite of ignorance, since she kept everything to herself that wasn’t part of her identity. What she held onto most was the specific feeling she had while watching her sister instinctively avoid anything that would lead to her submission to their aunt; a mindset that perhaps highlighted how impoverished one could feel when they were overly focused on the absence of wealth. It was through Kate that Aunt Maud should be influenced, and nothing was less important than what might happen to Kate in the process. In short, Kate was to sacrifice everything so Marian could benefit; and Marian's desire for benefit was completely unaware of a dignity that, after all, had its own reason for wanting to maintain some pride. For Kate to properly uphold that pride for both of them, she would have had to be selfish, choosing an ideal of behavior—something that was, without doubt, the most selfish option—over the chance for small benefits for the four little beings. The story of Mrs. Lowder’s disapproval of her older niece's marriage to Mr. Condrip still held its weight; the incredibly foolish behavior of Mr. Condrip, the minister of a dull suburban parish, with a constantly saintly expression, was well-documented, keeping criticism steady. He had always shown his saintly profile deliberately, having, goodness knows, nothing else to present—nothing at all to confront the world with, no understanding of how to live and take care of his responsibilities. Aunt Maud’s criticism remained consistent; she wasn't the type to see such actions as any less of a mistake just because they carried some emotional weight. She had not been forgiving, and the closest she got to overlooking their mistakes was by ignoring—even with the remaining wrongdoer—the solid little group now representing them. Of the two unpleasant events she grouped together, the marriage and the burial, she had attended the former, just as she had sent Marian a generous check before that; but to her, that was only a shadow of an acknowledged connection with Mrs. Condrip's life. She disapproved of noisy children without any prospects; she disapproved of weeping widows unable to make amends for their mistakes; and in doing so, she had provided Marian with one of the few remaining luxuries when so much else had disappeared, a convenient excuse for a constant complaint. Kate Croy remembered well how their mother had treated it in a different situation; and it was Marian's notable failure to embrace resentment that bound them, as sisters, in almost equal shares of humiliation. If the theory was that, yes, unfortunately, one of them had stopped being visible, but the other was visible enough to compensate for it, who could fail to see that Kate couldn’t distance herself without feeling cruel pride? That lesson hit our young lady the day after her conversation with her father.

"I can't imagine," Marian on this occasion said to her, "how you can think of anything else in the world but the horrid way we're situated."

"I can't imagine," Marian said to her this time, "how you can think about anything else in the world but the terrible situation we're in."

"And, pray, how do you know," Kate inquired in reply, "anything about my thoughts? It seems to me I give you sufficient proof of how much I think of you. I don't, really, my dear, know what else you've to do with!"

"And, how do you know," Kate asked in response, "anything about what I'm thinking? It seems to me I show you enough proof of how much I think of you. Honestly, my dear, I don’t really know what else you have to do with!"

Marian's retort, on this, was a stroke as to which she had supplied herself with several kinds of preparation, but there was, none the less, something of an unexpected note in its promptitude. She had foreseen her sister's general fear; but here, ominously, was the special one. "Well, your own business is of course your own business, and you may say there's no one less in a position than I to preach to you. But, all the same, if you wash your hands of me for ever for it, I won't, for this once, keep back that I don't consider you've a right, as we all stand, to throw yourself away."

Marian's comeback was sharp and quick, something she had prepared for in several ways, but still, there was an unexpected edge to how quickly she reacted. She had anticipated her sister's general anxieties; however, there was this specific concern that she hadn't expected. "Well, your business is your own, and I can't really preach to you since I'm in no position to do so. But still, even if you decide to cut me out of your life over this, I have to say that I don't think you have the right, given our circumstances, to waste your potential."

It was after the children's dinner, which was also their mother's, but which their aunt mostly contrived to keep from ever becoming her own luncheon; and the two young women were still in the presence of the crumpled table-cloth, the dispersed pinafores, the scraped dishes, the lingering odour of boiled food. Kate had asked, with ceremony, if she might put up a window a little, and Mrs. Condrip had replied without it that she might do as she liked. She often received such inquiries as if they reflected in a manner on the pure essence of her little ones. The four had retired, with much movement and noise, under imperfect control of the small Irish governess whom their aunt had hunted out for them and whose brooding resolve not to prolong so uncrowned a martyrdom she already more than suspected. Their mother had become for Kate—who took it just for the effect of being their mother—quite a different thing from the mild Marian of the past: Mr. Condrip's widow expansively obscured that image. She was little more than a ragged relic, a plain, prosaic result of him, as if she had somehow been pulled through him as through an obstinate funnel, only to be left crumpled and useless and with nothing in her but what he accounted for. She had grown red and almost fat, which were not happy signs of mourning; less and less like any Croy, particularly a Croy in trouble, and sensibly like her husband's two unmarried sisters, who came to see her, in Kate's view, much too often and stayed too long, with the consequence of inroads upon the tea and bread-and-butter—matters as to which Kate, not unconcerned with the tradesmen's books, had feelings. About them, moreover, Marian was touchy, and her nearer relative, who observed and weighed things, noted as an oddity that she would have taken any reflection on them as a reflection on herself. If that was what marriage necessarily did to you, Kate Croy would have questioned marriage. It was a grave example, at any rate, of what a man—and such a man!—might make of a woman. She could see how the Condrip pair pressed their brother's widow on the subject of Aunt Maud—who wasn't, after all, their aunt; made her, over their interminable cups, chatter and even swagger about Lancaster Gate, made her more vulgar than it had seemed written that any Croy could possibly become on such a subject. They laid it down, they rubbed it in, that Lancaster Gate was to be kept in sight, and that she, Kate, was to keep it; so that, curiously, or at all events sadly, our young woman was sure of being, in her own person, more permitted to them as an object of comment than they would in turn ever be permitted to herself. The beauty of which, too, was that Marian didn't love them. But they were Condrips—they had grown near the rose; they were almost like Bertie and Maudie, like Kitty and Guy. They talked of the dead to her, which Kate never did; it being a relation in which Kate could but mutely listen. She couldn't indeed too often say to herself that if that was what marriage did to you——! It may easily be guessed, therefore, that the ironic light of such reserves fell straight across the field of Marian's warning. "I don't quite see," she answered, "where, in particular, it strikes you that my danger lies. I'm not conscious, I assure you, of the least 'disposition' to throw myself anywhere. I feel as if, for the present, I have been quite sufficiently thrown."

It was after the children's dinner, which was also their mother’s, but their aunt mostly managed to keep it from ever becoming her own lunch; and the two young women were still amidst the wrinkled tablecloth, the scattered aprons, the dirty dishes, and the lingering smell of boiled food. Kate had asked, with formality, if she could open a window a bit, and Mrs. Condrip replied nonchalantly that she could do as she wished. She often received such requests as if they somehow reflected on the pure essence of her little ones. The four kids had gone off, with a lot of movement and noise, under the less-than-perfect supervision of the small Irish governess their aunt had found for them, whose serious determination not to suffer such an unrecognized martyrdom she already more than suspected. For Kate, her mother had become—just for being their mother—quite different from the gentle Marian of the past: Mr. Condrip’s widow completely obscured that image. She was hardly more than a tattered remnant, a plain, dull result of him, as if she had somehow been pulled through him as through a stubborn funnel, only to be left crumpled and useless, with nothing in her but what he accounted for. She had gotten red and almost overweight, which were not good signs of mourning; she looked less and less like any Croy, especially a Croy in trouble, and noticeably like her husband’s two unmarried sisters, who visited her, in Kate’s view, far too often and stayed too long, resulting in dwindling supplies of tea and sandwiches—issues about which Kate, who was not indifferent to the shopkeepers' bills, had feelings. Moreover, Marian was sensitive about them, and her close relative, who observed and assessed everything, noted as odd that she would take any criticism of them as criticism of herself. If that was what marriage necessarily did to you, Kate Croy would question marriage. It was a serious example, at least, of what a man—and such a man!—could make of a woman. She could see how the Condrip pair pressed their brother’s widow about Aunt Maud—who wasn’t, after all, their aunt; they made her, over their endless cups of tea, talk and even brag about Lancaster Gate, making her more common than seemed possible for any Croy to become on such a topic. They laid it down, they insisted, that Lancaster Gate was to be kept in view, and that she, Kate, was to keep it; so that, oddly, or at least sadly, our young woman was sure that she was more allowed to be an object of their comments than they would ever be allowed to be to herself. The irony was that Marian didn’t love them. But they were Condrips—they had grown close to the rose; they were almost like Bertie and Maudie, like Kitty and Guy. They talked about the dead to her, which Kate never did; Kate could only listen silently. She couldn’t help but often remind herself that if that was what marriage did to you——! It can easily be guessed, therefore, that the ironic light of such reservations shone directly on Marian’s warning. “I don’t quite see,” she replied, “where, specifically, you think my danger lies. I’m not aware, I assure you, of the slightest ‘disposition’ to throw myself anywhere. I feel as if, for now, I have been quite sufficiently thrown.”

"You don't feel"—Marian brought it all out—"as if you would like to marry Merton Densher?"

"You don't feel," Marian laid it all out, "like you want to marry Merton Densher?"

Kate took a moment to meet this inquiry. "Is it your idea that if I should feel so I would be bound to give you notice, so that you might step in and head me off? Is that your idea?" the girl asked. Then, as her sister also had a pause, "I don't know what makes you talk of Mr. Densher," she observed.

Kate took a moment to respond to the question. "Are you saying that if I ever felt that way, I would have to let you know, so you could intervene? Is that what you mean?" the girl asked. Then, noticing that her sister was also silent, she added, "I don’t understand why you’re bringing up Mr. Densher."

"I talk of him just because you don't. That you never do, in spite of what I know—that's what makes me think of him. Or rather perhaps it's what makes me think of you. If you don't know by this time what I hope for you, what I dream of—my attachment being what it is—it's no use my attempting to tell you." But Marian had in fact warmed to her work, and Kate was sure she had discussed Mr. Densher with the Miss Condrips. "If I name that person I suppose it's because I'm so afraid of him. If you want really to know, he fills me with terror. If you want really to know, in fact, I dislike him as much as I dread him."

"I bring him up only because you don’t. The fact that you never do, despite what I know—that's what makes me think of him. Or maybe it’s more about making me think of you. If you still don’t understand what I hope for you, what I dream about—given my feelings for you—there’s no point in trying to explain." But Marian had actually become more engaged in her work, and Kate was sure she had talked about Mr. Densher with the Miss Condrips. "If I mention that person, I guess it's because I'm so scared of him. If you really want to know, he terrifies me. If you really want to know, honestly, I dislike him as much as I fear him."

"And yet don't think it dangerous to abuse him to me?"

"And yet, do you really think it's safe to mistreat him in front of me?"

"Yes," Mrs. Condrip confessed, "I do think it dangerous; but how can I speak of him otherwise? I dare say, I admit, that I shouldn't speak of him at all. Only I do want you for once, as I said just now, to know."

"Yes," Mrs. Condrip admitted, "I do think it’s dangerous; but how can I talk about him in any other way? I have to admit that I shouldn’t mention him at all. I just want you to understand this once, as I said a moment ago."

"To know what, my dear?"

"To know what, my friend?"

"That I should regard it," Marian promptly returned, "as far and away the worst thing that has happened to us yet."

"That I should see it," Marian quickly replied, "as by far the worst thing that has happened to us so far."

"Do you mean because he hasn't money?"

"Are you saying it's because he doesn't have any money?"

"Yes, for one thing. And because I don't believe in him."

"Yeah, for one reason. And because I don't believe in him."

Kate was civil, but perfunctory. "What do you mean by not believing in him?"

Kate was polite, but it felt routine. "What do you mean by not believing in him?"

"Well, being sure he'll never get it. And you must have it. You shall have it."

"Well, he’s certain he’ll never get it. And you need to have it. You will have it."

"To give it to you?"

"Should I give it to you?"

Marian met her with a readiness that was practically pert. "To have it, first. Not, at any rate, to go on not having it. Then we should see."

Marian greeted her with a confidence that was almost cheeky. "First, to have it. Not at all to keep not having it. Then we can see."

"We should indeed!" said Kate Croy. It was talk of a kind she loathed, but if Marian chose to be vulgar what was one to do? It made her think of the Miss Condrips with renewed aversion. "I like the way you arrange things—I like what you take for granted. If it's so easy for us to marry men who want us to scatter gold, I wonder we any of us do anything else. I don't see so many of them about, nor what interest I might ever have for them. You live, my dear," she presently added, "in a world of vain thoughts."

"We absolutely should!" said Kate Croy. It was the kind of conversation she couldn't stand, but if Marian wanted to be crass, what could she do? It reminded her of the Miss Condrips with increased disgust. "I like how you handle things—I appreciate what you take for granted. If it's so easy for us to marry men who expect us to throw around money, I wonder why any of us do anything else. I don’t see many of them around, nor do I have any real interest in them. You live, my dear," she then added, "in a world of superficial thoughts."

"Not so much as you, Kate; for I see what I see, and you can't turn it off that way." The elder sister paused long enough for the younger's face to show, in spite of superiority, an apprehension. "I'm not talking of any man but Aunt Maud's man, nor of any money, even, if you like, but Aunt Maud's money. I'm not talking of anything but your doing what she wants. You're wrong if you speak of anything that I want of you; I want nothing but what she does. That's good enough for me!"—and Marian's tone struck her companion as dreadful. "If I don't believe in Merton Densher, I do at least in Mrs. Lowder."

"Not as much as you, Kate; because I see what I see, and you can't just ignore it." The older sister paused long enough for the younger's face to show, despite her attitude, a hint of worry. "I'm not talking about any man except Aunt Maud's man, nor any money, if you want, but Aunt Maud's money. I'm only talking about you doing what she wants. You're mistaken if you think I want anything from you; I only want what she does. That's good enough for me!"—and Marian's tone struck her companion as terrifying. "If I don't believe in Merton Densher, at least I believe in Mrs. Lowder."

"Your ideas are the more striking," Kate returned, "that they're the same as papa's. I had them from him, you may be interested to know—and with all the brilliancy you may imagine—yesterday."

"Your ideas are actually more impressive," Kate replied, "because they're the same as Dad's. I got them from him, just so you know—and with all the brilliance you can imagine—yesterday."

Marian clearly was interested to know. "He has been to see you?"

Marian was clearly curious. "He came to see you?"

"No, I went to him."

"No, I talked to him."

"Really?" Marian wondered. "For what purpose?"

"Seriously?" Marian asked. "What's the reason?"

"To tell him I'm ready to go to him."

"To let him know I'm ready to go to him."

Marian stared. "To leave Aunt Maud——?"

Marian stared. "Leave Aunt Maud?"

"For my father, yes."

"For my dad, yes."

She had fairly flushed, poor Mrs. Condrip, with horror. "You're ready——?"

She looked quite pale, poor Mrs. Condrip, with fear. "Are you ready—?"

"So I told him. I couldn't tell him less."

"So I told him. I couldn't say any less."

"And, pray, could you tell him more?" Marian gasped in her distress. "What in the world is he to us? You bring out such a thing as that this way?"

"And, please, could you tell him more?" Marian gasped in her distress. "What in the world is he to us? You bring up something like that this way?"

They faced each other—the tears were in Marian's eyes. Kate watched them there a moment and then said: "I had thought it well over—over and over. But you needn't feel injured. I'm not going. He won't have me."

They faced each other—the tears were in Marian's eyes. Kate watched them for a moment and then said: "I've thought about it a lot—again and again. But you don’t have to feel hurt. I’m not going. He doesn’t want me."

Her companion still panted—it took time to subside. "Well, I wouldn't have you—wouldn't receive you at all, I can assure you—if he had made you any other answer. I do feel injured—at your having been willing. If you were to go to papa, my dear, you would have to stop coming to me." Marian put it thus, indefinably, as a picture of privation from which her companion might shrink. Such were the threats she could complacently make, could think herself masterful for making. "But if he won't take you," she continued, "he shows at least his sharpness."

Her friend was still catching her breath—it took a while to calm down. "Well, I wouldn't want you—wouldn't accept you at all, believe me—if he had given you any other answer. I feel wronged—about your willingness. If you went to Dad, my dear, you’d have to stop seeing me." Marian put it this way, vaguely, as an image of loss that her friend might want to avoid. Those were the threats she could easily make, thinking of herself as in control for saying them. "But if he won't take you," she added, "he's at least showing his cleverness."

Marian had always her views of sharpness; she was, as her sister privately commented, great on it. But Kate had her refuge from irritation. "He won't take me," she simply repeated. "But he believes, like you, in Aunt Maud. He threatens me with his curse if I leave her."

Marian always had a sharp perspective; as her sister privately noted, she was really good at it. But Kate had her escape from annoyance. "He won't take me," she just repeated. "But he believes, like you, in Aunt Maud. He threatens me with his curse if I abandon her."

"So you won't?" As the girl at first said nothing her companion caught at it. "You won't, of course? I see you won't. But I don't see why, nevertheless, I shouldn't insist to you once for all on the plain truth of the whole matter. The truth, my dear, of your duty. Do you ever think about that? It's the greatest duty of all."

"So you won't?" When the girl stayed silent at first, her friend picked up on it. "You won't, right? I can see that you won’t. But I still don’t get why I shouldn’t make it clear to you once and for all what the plain truth is. The truth, my dear, about your duty. Do you ever think about that? It's the most important duty of all."

"There you are again," Kate laughed. "Papa's also immense on my duty."

"There you are again," Kate laughed. "Dad's really pushing my responsibilities."

"Oh, I don't pretend to be immense, but I pretend to know more than you do of life; more even perhaps than papa." Marian seemed to see that personage at this moment, nevertheless, in the light of a kinder irony. "Poor old papa!"

"Oh, I don't act like I'm all that important, but I think I know more about life than you do; maybe even more than Dad." Marian seemed to picture him at that moment, but with a more gentle sense of irony. "Poor Dad!"

She sighed it with as many condonations as her sister's ear had more than once caught in her "Dear old Aunt Maud!" These were things that made Kate, for the time, turn sharply away, and she gathered herself now to go. They were the note again of the abject; it was hard to say which of the persons in question had most shown how little they liked her. The younger woman proposed, at any rate, to let discussion rest, and she believed that, for herself, she had done so during the ten minutes that, thanks to her wish not to break off short, elapsed before she could gracefully withdraw. It then appeared, however, that Marian had been discussing still, and there was something that, at the last, Kate had to take up. "Whom do you mean by Aunt Maud's young man?"

She let out a sigh filled with as many dismissals as her sister had heard before in her "Dear old Aunt Maud!" These moments made Kate want to turn away quickly, and she prepared to leave. They highlighted the unspoken rejection; it was tough to say which of the people involved had shown her the least affection. At any rate, the younger woman suggested putting the discussion on hold, and she thought she had managed that for herself during the ten minutes it took—thanks to her desire not to abruptly end the conversation—before she could exit gracefully. However, it soon became clear that Marian had continued the discussion, and there was one last thing Kate needed to address. "Who do you mean by Aunt Maud's young man?"

"Whom should I mean but Lord Mark?"

"Who else could I be talking about but Lord Mark?"

"And where do you pick up such vulgar twaddle?" Kate demanded with her clear face. "How does such stuff, in this hole, get to you?"

"And where do you pick up such trash?" Kate asked, her face clear. "How does this kind of nonsense reach you in this place?"

She had no sooner spoken than she asked herself what had become of the grace to which she had sacrificed. Marian certainly did little to save it, and nothing indeed was so inconsequent as her ground of complaint. She desired her to "work" Lancaster Gate as she believed that scene of abundance could be worked; but she now didn't see why advantage should be taken of the bloated connection to put an affront on her own poor home. She appeared in fact for the moment to take the position that Kate kept her in her "hole" and then heartlessly reflected on her being in it. Yet she didn't explain how she had picked up the report on which her sister had challenged her—so that it was thus left to her sister to see in it, once more, a sign of the creeping curiosity of the Miss Condrips. They lived in a deeper hole than Marian, but they kept their ear to the ground, they spent their days in prowling, whereas Marian, in garments and shoes that seemed steadily to grow looser and larger, never prowled. There were times when Kate wondered if the Miss Condrips were offered her by fate as a warning for her own future—to be taken as showing her what she herself might become at forty if she let things too recklessly go. What was expected of her by others—and by so many of them—could, all the same, on occasion, present itself as beyond a joke; and this was just now the aspect it particularly wore. She was not only to quarrel with Merton Densher to oblige her five spectators—with the Miss Condrips there were five; she was to set forth in pursuit of Lord Mark on some preposterous theory of the premium attached to success. Mrs. Lowder's hand had attached it, and it figured at the end of the course as a bell that would ring, break out into public clamour, as soon as touched. Kate reflected sharply enough on the weak points of this fond fiction, with the result at last of a certain chill for her sister's confidence; though Mrs. Condrip still took refuge in the plea—which was after all the great point—that their aunt would be munificent when their aunt should be pleased. The exact identity of her candidate was a detail; what was of the essence was her conception of the kind of match it was open to her niece to make with her aid. Marian always spoke of marriages as "matches," but that was again a detail. Mrs. Lowder's "aid" meanwhile awaited them—if not to light the way to Lord Mark, then to somebody better. Marian would put up, in fine, with somebody better; she only wouldn't put up with somebody so much worse. Kate had, once more, to go through all this before a graceful issue was reached. It was reached by her paying with the sacrifice of Mr. Densher for her reduction of Lord Mark to the absurd. So they separated softly enough. She was to be let off hearing about Lord Mark so long as she made it good that she wasn't underhand about anybody else. She had denied everything and every one, she reflected as she went away—and that was a relief; but it also made rather a clean sweep of the future. The prospect put on a bareness that already gave her something in common with the Miss Condrips.

She had just spoken when she started wondering what had happened to the grace she had sacrificed. Marian certainly did little to help, and nothing was more pointless than her reason for complaint. She wanted her to "work" Lancaster Gate, thinking that place of abundance could be exploited; but now she didn’t see why they should take advantage of the bloated connection to insult her own modest home. For a moment, she seemed to feel that Kate was keeping her in her "hole" and then thoughtlessly criticized her for being there. Yet, she didn’t explain how she had picked up the rumor that her sister had challenged her with—leaving it to her sister to see it, once again, as a sign of the growing curiosity of the Miss Condrips. They lived in a deeper hole than Marian did, but they kept their ear to the ground, spending their days prowling, while Marian, in clothes and shoes that seemed to grow steadily looser and larger, never prowled. There were times when Kate wondered if fate offered her the Miss Condrips as a warning for her own future—showing her what she might become at forty if she let things slip too much. What others expected of her—and so many people did—could, however, sometimes feel like more than just a joke; and at that moment, that was the exact way it felt. She was not only supposed to have a fight with Merton Densher to satisfy her five spectators—with the Miss Condrips, there were five; she was also to go after Lord Mark for some ludicrous idea about the advantage that success brought. Mrs. Lowder's influence had set that expectation, which would ring out loudly as soon as touched, like a bell at the end of the course. Kate thought sharply about the weak points of this comforting fantasy, which ultimately left her sister's confidence feeling a bit cold; though Mrs. Condrip still clung to the excuse—which was the main point—that their aunt would be generous whenever she felt like it. The exact identity of her candidate was a minor detail; what mattered was her idea of the kind of match her niece could make with her help. Marian always referred to marriages as "matches," but that too was a detail. Meanwhile, Mrs. Lowder's "help" was waiting for them—if not to guide them to Lord Mark, then to someone better. Marian would settle, in the end, for someone better; she just wouldn’t settle for someone much worse. Kate had to go through all this again before they reached a graceful conclusion. It was reached by her sacrificing Mr. Densher to trivialize Lord Mark. So they parted softly enough. She wouldn’t have to hear about Lord Mark as long as she proved she wasn't sneaky about anyone else. She had denied everything and everyone, she thought as she walked away—and that was a relief; but it also left her future feeling pretty bare. The outlook now had a starkness that already tied her to the Miss Condrips.



BOOK SECOND


III



Merton Densher, who passed the best hours of each night at the office of his newspaper, had at times, during the day, to make up for it, a sense, or at least an appearance, of leisure, in accordance with which he was not infrequently to be met, in different parts of the town, at moments when men of business are hidden from the public eye. More than once, during the present winter's end, he had deviated, toward three o'clock, or toward four, into Kensington Gardens, where he might for a while, on each occasion, have been observed to demean himself as a person with nothing to do. He made his way indeed, for the most part, with a certain directness, over to the north side; but once that ground was reached his behaviour was noticeably wanting in point. He moved seemingly at random from alley to alley; he stopped for no reason and remained idly agaze; he sat down in a chair and then changed to a bench; after which he walked about again, only again to repeat both the vagueness and the vivacity. Distinctly, he was a man either with nothing at all to do or with ever so much to think about; and it was not to be denied that the impression he might often thus easily make had the effect of causing the burden of proof, in certain directions, to rest on him. It was a little the fault of his aspect, his personal marks, which made it almost impossible to name his profession.

Merton Densher, who spent most of his evenings at the office of his newspaper, sometimes needed to create, or at least give the impression of, free time during the day. As a result, it wasn't uncommon to spot him around the town during the hours when businesspeople were generally out of sight. More than once, as winter came to a close, he had wandered into Kensington Gardens around three or four o'clock, where he seemed to act as if he had nothing to do. He usually moved toward the north side with a certain determination, but once he got there, his behavior lacked focus. He wandered seemingly without purpose from path to path; he paused for no reason, staring off into space; he sat on a chair, then switched to a bench; after which he strolled around only to repeat both his aimless wandering and lively gait. Clearly, he was either a man with nothing to do or one with a lot on his mind; and it was undeniable that the impression he often gave resulted in a sort of expectation for him to prove himself in certain ways. His appearance and personal traits made it nearly impossible to identify his profession.

He was a longish, leanish, fairish young Englishman, not unamenable, on certain sides, to classification—as for instance by being a gentleman, by being rather specifically one of the educated, one of the generally sound and generally pleasant; yet, though to that degree neither extraordinary nor abnormal, he would have failed to play straight into an observer's hands. He was young for the House of Commons, he was loose for the army. He was refined, as might have been said, for the city, and, quite apart from the cut of his cloth, he was sceptical, it might have been felt, for the church. On the other hand he was credulous for diplomacy, or perhaps even for science, while he was perhaps at the same time too much in his mere senses for poetry, and yet too little in them for art. You would have got fairly near him by making out in his eyes the potential recognition of ideas; but you would have quite fallen away again on the question of the ideas themselves. The difficulty with Densher was that he looked vague without looking weak—idle without looking empty. It was the accident, possibly, of his long legs, which were apt to stretch themselves; of his straight hair and his well-shaped head, never, the latter, neatly smooth, and apt, into the bargain, at the time of quite other calls upon it, to throw itself suddenly back and, supported behind by his uplifted arms and interlocked hands, place him for unconscionable periods in communion with the ceiling, the tree-tops, the sky. He was in short visibly absent-minded, irregularly clever, liable to drop what was near and to take up what was far; he was more a respecter, in general, than a follower of custom. He suggested above all, however, that wondrous state of youth in which the elements, the metals more or less precious, are so in fusion and fermentation that the question of the final stamp, the pressure that fixes the value, must wait for comparative coolness. And it was a mark of his interesting mixture that if he was irritable it was by a law of considerable subtlety—a law that, in intercourse with him, it might be of profit, though not easy, to master. One of the effects of it was that he had for you surprises of tolerance as well as of temper.

He was a tall, lean, light-skinned young Englishman, somewhat open to categorization—like being a gentleman, specifically one of the educated, generally sound, and pleasant types; yet, despite being neither remarkable nor unusual to that extent, he wouldn’t exactly make it easy for someone observing him. He was young for the House of Commons and too carefree for the army. He was refined, as you might say, for the city, and aside from his clothing, he seemed skeptical toward the church. On the flip side, he was gullible when it came to diplomacy, or perhaps even science, while possibly being too grounded for poetry but not grounded enough for art. You could get close to understanding him by seeing a spark of recognition in his eyes, but you’d quickly lose your way when it came to the actual ideas. The challenge with Densher was that he appeared vague without seeming weak—lazy without appearing empty. It might have been due to his long legs, which tended to stretch out; his straight hair and well-shaped head, which never looked completely smooth, could suddenly tilt back, and with his arms lifted and hands clasped behind his head, he could spend long periods staring at the ceiling, the treetops, or the sky. In short, he was visibly distracted, unpredictably clever, likely to let go of the immediate and engage with the distant; he generally respected custom more than he followed it. However, most of all, he embodied that amazing state of youth where elements, both valuable and less so, are so mixed and bubbling that the decision on the final form—the pressure that determines the value—has to wait for things to cool off. It was a sign of his intriguing blend that if he was irritable, it followed a nuanced rule—a rule that might be beneficial, though not easy, to grasp in conversation with him. One effect of this was that he could surprise you with both his tolerance and his temper.

He loitered, on the best of the relenting days, the several occasions we speak of, along the part of the Gardens nearest to Lancaster Gate, and when, always, in due time, Kate Croy came out of her aunt's house, crossed the road and arrived by the nearest entrance, there was a general publicity in the proceeding which made it slightly anomalous. If their meeting was to be bold and free it might have taken place within doors; if it was to be shy or secret it might have taken place almost anywhere better than under Mrs. Lowder's windows. They failed indeed to remain attached to that spot; they wandered and strolled, taking in the course of more than one of these interviews a considerable walk, or else picked out a couple of chairs under one of the great trees and sat as much apart—apart from every one else—as possible. But Kate had, each time, at first, the air of wishing to expose herself to pursuit and capture if those things were in question. She made the point that she was not underhand, any more than she was vulgar; that the Gardens were charming in themselves and this use of them a matter of taste; and that, if her aunt chose to glare at her from the drawing-room or to cause her to be tracked and overtaken, she could at least make it convenient that this should be easily done. The fact was that the relation between these young persons abounded in such oddities as were not inaptly symbolised by assignations that had a good deal more appearance than motive. Of the strength of the tie that held them we shall sufficiently take the measure; but it was meanwhile almost obvious that if the great possibility had come up for them it had done so, to an exceptional degree, under the protection of the famous law of contraries. Any deep harmony that might eventually govern them would not be the result of their having much in common—having anything, in fact, but their affection; and would really find its explanation in some sense, on the part of each, of being poor where the other was rich. It is nothing new indeed that generous young persons often admire most what nature hasn't given them—from which it would appear, after all, that our friends were both generous.

He hung around on some of the nicer days we’re talking about, near the part of the Gardens closest to Lancaster Gate. Whenever Kate Croy came out of her aunt's house, crossed the street, and entered through the nearest entrance, there was a kind of public element to it that felt a bit unusual. If their meeting was meant to be bold and open, they could have stayed inside; if it was supposed to be shy or secret, they could have chosen almost any place better than right under Mrs. Lowder's windows. They didn’t stick to that spot for long; they wandered and walked a considerable distance during some of these encounters or found a couple of chairs under one of the big trees, sitting as far away from everyone else as possible. However, each time, Kate initially seemed to want to make herself open to pursuit and capture if that was the case. She insisted that she wasn't sneaky or tacky; that the Gardens were beautiful by themselves and this way of using them was simply a matter of taste; and that if her aunt wanted to glare at her from the drawing-room or have her followed, at least she could make it easy for that to happen. The truth was, the relationship between these young people was full of oddities, symbolized well by meetings that seemed to have more appearance than intention. We’ll get a good sense of the strength of the bond between them, but for now, it was quite clear that if a significant opportunity had arisen for them, it had done so particularly under the famous law of opposites. Any deep connection that might eventually form between them wouldn’t come from having much in common—other than their affection, in fact—but would really be rooted in each feeling lacking where the other was strong. It’s not unusual for generous young people to admire most what nature hasn’t provided them with, which suggests that our friends were both generous after all.

Merton Densher had repeatedly said to himself—and from far back—that he should be a fool not to marry a woman whose value would be in her differences; and Kate Croy, though without having quite so philosophised, had quickly recognised in the young man a precious unlikeness. He represented what her life had never given her and certainly, without some such aid as his, never would give her; all the high, dim things she lumped together as of the mind. It was on the side of the mind that Densher was rich for her, and mysterious and strong; and he had rendered her in especial the sovereign service of making that element real. She had had, all her days, to take it terribly on trust; no creature she had ever encountered having been able in any degree to testify for it directly. Vague rumours of its existence had made their precarious way to her; but nothing had, on the whole, struck her as more likely than that she should live and die without the chance to verify them. The chance had come—it was an extraordinary one—on the day she first met Densher; and it was to the girl's lasting honour that she knew on the spot what she was in the presence of. That occasion indeed, for everything that straightway flowered in it, would be worthy of high commemoration; Densher's perception went out to meet the young woman's and quite kept pace with her own recognition. Having so often concluded on the fact of his weakness, as he called it, for life—his strength merely for thought—life, he logically opined, was what he must somehow arrange to annex and possess. This was so much a necessity that thought by itself only went on in the void; it was from the immediate air of life that it must draw its breath. So the young man, ingenious but large, critical but ardent too, made out both his case and Kate Croy's. They had originally met before her mother's death—an occasion marked for her as the last pleasure permitted by the approach of that event; after which the dark months had interposed a screen and, for all Kate knew, made the end one with the beginning.

Merton Densher had often told himself—going back a long way—that he would be a fool not to marry a woman whose worth lay in her differences; and Kate Croy, although she hadn’t quite thought it through like that, quickly saw in the young man a valuable distinctiveness. He represented what her life had never given her and certainly, without his help, would never provide; all the lofty, elusive things she grouped together as the realm of the mind. It was on the intellectual side that Densher was rich for her, mysterious and strong; and he had done her the great service of making that aspect feel real. Throughout her life, she had to take it on faith; no one she had ever met had been able to directly confirm it. Vague hints of its existence had made their uncertain way to her; but overall, she had thought it more likely that she would live and die without ever confirming them. The opportunity had finally come—it was extraordinary—on the day she first met Densher; and it was to the girl’s lasting credit that she recognized in that moment what she was facing. That moment, indeed, for everything that blossomed from it, would deserve to be remembered; Densher’s insight met the young woman’s and kept pace with her recognition. Having often concluded that he was weak, as he put it, when it came to life—his strength merely lay in thought—he logically believed that life was something he had to somehow work to grasp and own. This was so necessary that thought alone felt empty; it had to draw its vitality from the immediate air of life. So the young man, clever yet generous, critical yet passionate as well, considered both his position and Kate Croy’s. They had originally met before her mother’s death—an event she marked as the last pleasure allowed before that tragedy; afterward, the dark months had created a barrier and, as far as Kate knew, made the conclusion blend with the beginning.

The beginning—to which she often went back—had been a scene, for our young woman, of supreme brilliancy; a party given at a "gallery" hired by a hostess who fished with big nets. A Spanish dancer, understood to be at that moment the delight of the town, an American reciter, the joy of a kindred people, an Hungarian fiddler, the wonder of the world at large—in the name of these and other attractions the company in which, by a rare privilege, Kate found herself had been freely convoked. She lived under her mother's roof, as she considered, obscurely, and was acquainted with few persons who entertained on that scale; but she had had dealings with two or three connected, as appeared, with such—two or three through whom the stream of hospitality, filtered or diffused, could thus now and then spread to outlying receptacles. A good-natured lady in fine, a friend of her mother and a relative of the lady of the gallery, had offered to take her to the party in question and had there fortified her, further, with two or three of those introductions that, at large parties, lead to other things—that had at any rate, on this occasion, culminated for her in conversation with a tall, fair, slightly unbrushed and rather awkward, but on the whole not dreary, young man. The young man had affected her as detached, as—it was indeed what he called himself—awfully at sea, as much more distinct from what surrounded them than any one else appeared to be, and even as probably quite disposed to be making his escape when pulled up to be placed in relation with her. He gave her his word for it indeed, that same evening, that only their meeting had prevented his flight, but that now he saw how sorry he should have been to miss it. This point they had reached by midnight, and though in respect to such remarks everything was in the tone, the tone was by midnight there too. She had had originally her full apprehension of his coerced, certainly of his vague, condition—full apprehensions often being with her immediate; then she had had her equal consciousness that, within five minutes, something between them had—well, she couldn't call it anything but come. It was nothing, but it was somehow everything—it was that something for each of them had happened.

The beginning—to which she often returned—had been a moment of pure brilliance for our young woman; a party thrown at a "gallery" rented out by a hostess who pulled in big crowds. A Spanish dancer, who was the talk of the town at the time, an American speaker, beloved by a similar audience, and a Hungarian fiddler, a wonder to behold—these were some of the attractions that brought together the group in which Kate, by rare fortune, found herself. She still lived with her mother, somewhat obscured in her life, and didn’t know many people who hosted events on that scale; however, she had a few connections with individuals who seemed tied to that world—two or three who could occasionally extend a stream of hospitality to her. A kind-hearted woman, a friend of her mother and related to the lady of the gallery, had offered to take her to the party and further equipped her with a couple of introductions that could lead to other connections at large gatherings—they had, at least, that night, led to her talking with a tall, light-haired, slightly unkempt, and somewhat awkward, but generally pleasant young man. He struck her as detached, as—he described himself—completely lost, feeling more separate from what surrounded them than anyone else appeared to be, and even seemed likely to be trying to escape when drawn into conversation with her. He assured her that very night that only their meeting had stopped him from fleeing, but now he realized how much he would have regretted missing it. By midnight, they had reached this understanding, and while such comments often depend on the tone, the tone was present by then. Initially, she had fully grasped his reluctant and undoubtedly vague state—full understandings often being immediate for her; then she equally sensed that, within five minutes, something between them had—well, she couldn't describe it as anything but come. It was nothing, yet it somehow meant everything—it was that something significant had occurred for each of them.

They had found themselves looking at each other straight, and for a longer time on end than was usual even at parties in galleries; but that, after all, would have been a small affair, if there hadn't been something else with it. It wasn't, in a word, simply that their eyes had met; other conscious organs, faculties, feelers had met as well, and when Kate afterwards imaged to herself the sharp, deep fact she saw it, in the oddest way, as a particular performance. She had observed a ladder against a garden wall, and had trusted herself so to climb it as to be able to see over into the probable garden on the other side. On reaching the top she had found herself face to face with a gentleman engaged in a like calculation at the same moment, and the two inquirers had remained confronted on their ladders. The great point was that for the rest of that evening they had been perched—they had not climbed down; and indeed, during the time that followed, Kate at least had had the perched feeling—it was as if she were there aloft without a retreat. A simpler expression of all this is doubtless but that they had taken each other in with interest; and without a happy hazard six months later the incident would have closed in that account of it. The accident, meanwhile, had been as natural as anything in London ever is: Kate had one afternoon found herself opposite Mr. Densher on the Underground Railway. She had entered the train at Sloane Square to go to Queen's Road, and the carriage in which she had found a place was all but full. Densher was already in it—on the other bench and at the furthest angle; she was sure of him before they had again started. The day and the hour were darkness, there were six other persons, and she had been busy placing herself; but her consciousness had gone to him as straight as if they had come together in some bright level of the desert. They had on neither part a second's hesitation; they looked across the choked compartment exactly as if she had known he would be there and he had expected her to come in; so that, though in the conditions they could only exchange the greeting of movements, smiles, silence, it would have been quite in the key of these passages that they should have alighted for ease at the very next station. Kate was in fact sure that the very next station was the young man's true goal—which made it clear that he was going on only from the wish to speak to her. He had to go on, for this purpose, to High Street, Kensington, as it was not till then that the exit of a passenger gave him his chance.

They found themselves looking at each other directly, and for a longer time than usual, even at gallery parties; but that would have been minor if there hadn’t been something more to it. It wasn’t just that their eyes had met; other senses and feelings were engaged too. Later, when Kate thought about the profound experience, she pictured it as a unique performance. She imagined a ladder against a garden wall and decided to climb it to get a glimpse of the likely garden on the other side. When she reached the top, she came face to face with a gentleman who was having the same thought at that very moment, and they both remained on their ladders. The key point was that for the rest of that evening, they stayed perched—neither of them climbed down; and indeed, during the time that followed, Kate felt as if she was up there without an escape. A simpler way to express all this is simply that they were interested in each other; and without a fortunate event six months later, the incident might have ended there. In the meantime, it had happened as naturally as anything ever does in London: one afternoon, Kate found herself sitting across from Mr. Densher on the Underground. She had boarded the train at Sloane Square to head to Queen’s Road, and the carriage where she settled was nearly full. Densher was already there—on the opposite bench in the far corner; she recognized him before the train started moving again. The day was dark, there were six other people, and she was focused on getting comfortable; but her awareness shot straight to him as if they had met in a bright, open desert. Neither hesitated for a second; they looked across the crowded compartment as if she had known he would be there and he expected her to come in. So even though they could only exchange gestures, smiles, and silence, it felt completely natural that they should get off at the next station to ease their situation. Kate was convinced that the next station was the young man’s actual destination—which made it clear he was continuing on just to talk to her. He needed to go on to High Street, Kensington, because it wasn’t until then that another passenger exiting gave him his opportunity.

His chance put him, however, in quick possession of the seat facing her, the alertness of his capture of which seemed to show her his impatience. It helped them, moreover, with strangers on either side, little to talk; though this very restriction perhaps made such a mark for them as nothing else could have done. If the fact that their opportunity had again come round for them could be so intensely expressed between them without a word, they might very well feel on the spot that it had not come round for nothing. The extraordinary part of the matter was that they were not in the least meeting where they had left off, but ever so much further on, and that these added links added still another between High Street and Notting Hill Gate, and then between the latter station and Queen's Road an extension really inordinate. At Notting Hill Gate, Kate's right-hand neighbour descended, whereupon Densher popped straight into that seat; only there was not much gained when a lady, the next instant, popped into Densher's. He could say almost nothing to her—she scarce knew, at least, what he said; she was so occupied with a certainty that one of the persons opposite, a youngish man with a single eyeglass, which he kept constantly in position, had made her out from the first as visibly, as strangely affected. If such a person made her out, what then did Densher do?—a question in truth sufficiently answered when, on their reaching her station, he instantly followed her out of the train. That had been the real beginning—the beginning of everything else; the other time, the time at the party, had been but the beginning of that. Never in life before had she so let herself go; for always before—so far as small adventures could have been in question for her—there had been, by the vulgar measure, more to go upon. He had walked with her to Lancaster Gate, and then she had walked with him away from it—for all the world, she said to herself, like the housemaid giggling to the baker.

His luck put him in the quick spot across from her, and the fact that he got there so quickly seemed to show her his impatience. It also helped them talk less with strangers on either side; yet this very limitation might have made a stronger impression on them than anything else could. If they could express how intensely their chance had come around again without saying a word, they could easily feel that it wasn’t happening for no reason. The weird part was that they weren’t starting where they left off, but way further along, and these added connections created yet another link between High Street and Notting Hill Gate, and then from there to Queen's Road—a connection that was really excessive. At Notting Hill Gate, Kate's neighbor on her right got off, and Densher immediately moved into that seat; but not much was gained when a lady jumped into Densher's seat the very next moment. He could barely say anything to her—she hardly even understood what he said; she was too focused on the fact that one of the people across from her, a younger man with a monocle who kept it in place, had clearly noticed her as noticeably, and strangely, affected. If that guy noticed her, what did Densher do?—a question that was pretty much answered when, upon reaching her station, he immediately followed her off the train. That was the real start—the start of everything else; the previous time, at the party, had only been the start of that. Never before had she let herself go like this; because up until now—considering her small adventures—there had been, by the common standard, more to lean on. He had walked her to Lancaster Gate, and then she had walked away from it with him—just like a housemaid giggling with the baker, she thought to herself.

This appearance, she was afterwards to feel, had been all in order for a relation that might precisely best be described in the terms of the baker and the housemaid. She could say to herself that from that hour they had kept company; that had come to represent, technically speaking, alike the range and the limit of their tie. He had on the spot, naturally, asked leave to call upon her—which, as a young person who wasn't really young, who didn't pretend to be a sheltered flower, she as rationally gave. That—she was promptly clear about it—was now her only possible basis; she was just the contemporary London female, highly modern, inevitably battered, honourably free. She had of course taken her aunt straight into her confidence—had gone through the form of asking her leave; and she subsequently remembered that though, on this occasion, she had left the history of her new alliance as scant as the facts themselves, Mrs. Lowder had struck her at the time surprisingly mild. It had been, in every way, the occasion, full of the reminder that her hostess was deep: it was definitely then that she had begun to ask herself what Aunt Maud was, in vulgar parlance, "up to." "You may receive, my dear, whom you like"—that was what Aunt Maud, who in general objected to people's doing as they liked, had replied; and it bore, this unexpectedness, a good deal of looking into. There were many explanations, and they were all amusing—amusing, that is, in the line of the sombre and brooding amusement, cultivated by Kate in her actual high retreat. Merton Densher came the very next Sunday; but Mrs. Lowder was so consistently magnanimous as to make it possible to her niece to see him alone. She saw him, however, on the Sunday following, in order to invite him to dinner; and when, after dining, he came again—which he did three times, she found means to treat his visit as preponderantly to herself. Kate's conviction that she didn't like him made that remarkable; it added to the evidence, by this time voluminous, that she was remarkable all round. If she had been, in the way of energy, merely usual, she would have kept her dislike direct; whereas it was now as if she were seeking to know him in order to see best where to "have" him. That was one of the reflections made in our young woman's high retreat; she smiled from her lookout, in the silence that was only the fact of hearing irrelevant sounds, as she caught the truth that you could easily accept people when you wanted them so to be delivered to you. When Aunt Maud wished them despatched, it was not to be done by deputy; it was clearly always a matter reserved for her own hand. But what made the girl wonder most was the implications of so much diplomacy in respect to her own value. What view might she take of her position in the light of this appearance that her companion feared so, as yet, to upset her? It was as if Densher were accepted partly under the dread that if he hadn't been she would act in resentment. Hadn't her aunt considered the danger that she would in that case have broken off, have seceded? The danger was exaggerated—she would have done nothing so gross; but that, it seemed, was the way Mrs. Lowder saw her and believed her to be reckoned with. What importance therefore did she really attach to her, what strange interest could she take on their keeping on terms? Her father and her sister had their answer to this—even without knowing how the question struck her; they saw the lady of Lancaster Gate as panting to make her fortune, and the explanation of that appetite was that, on the accident of a nearer view than she had before enjoyed, she had been charmed, been dazzled. They approved, they admired in her one of the belated fancies of rich, capricious, violent old women—the more marked, moreover, because the result of no plot; and they piled up the possible results for the person concerned. Kate knew what to think of her own power thus to carry by storm; she saw herself as handsome, no doubt, but as hard, and felt herself as clever but as cold; and as so much too imperfectly ambitious, furthermore, that it was a pity, for a quiet life, she couldn't settle to be either finely or stupidly indifferent. Her intelligence sometimes kept her still—too still—but her want of it was restless; so that she got the good, it seemed to her, of neither extreme. She saw herself at present, none the less, in a situation, and even her sad, disillusioned mother, dying, but with Aunt Maud interviewing the nurse on the stairs, had not failed to remind her that it was of the essence of situations to be, under Providence, worked. The dear woman had died in the belief that she was actually working the one then produced.

This appearance, she later felt, had been just right for a relationship that could best be described in terms of a baker and a housemaid. She told herself that from that moment, they had been a couple; that had come to define both the range and the limit of their connection. He had immediately asked if he could visit her—which, as a young woman who wasn't really that young and who didn't pretend to be innocent, she rationally agreed to. She quickly understood that this was her only possible foundation; she was just a modern London woman, highly contemporary, inevitably worn, and honorably free. Of course, she had confided in her aunt—she had even gone through the motions of asking for permission; and she later recalled that, although she had kept the details of her new relationship minimal, Mrs. Lowder had surprisingly seemed quite gentle at the time. It had been, in every way, an occasion that reminded her of her aunt’s depth: it was definitely then that she began to wonder what Aunt Maud was, in common terms, "up to." "You may have whoever you like over, my dear," was what Aunt Maud had replied, despite her general disapproval of people doing as they pleased; and this unexpected comment warranted some reflection. There were many possible explanations, and they were all amusing—in a rather dark and brooding way, which Kate cultivated in her elevated solitude. Merton Densher came the very next Sunday, but Mrs. Lowder was so consistently generous that it allowed her niece to see him alone. However, she did see him again the following Sunday to invite him to dinner; and when he came back after dinner—which he did three times—she managed to treat his visits as mostly for her benefit. Kate's belief that she didn't like him made this remarkable; it added to the evidence, which had become substantial, that she was quite extraordinary overall. If she had been just normally energized, she would have expressed her dislike directly; instead, it seemed like she was trying to understand him to figure out how best to "handle" him. That was one of the thoughts that crossed in our young woman’s mind; she smiled from her vantage point, listening to irrelevant sounds, as she realized that you could easily accept people when you wanted them to be a certain way. When Aunt Maud wanted connections made, it was never done through someone else; it was clearly reserved for her own doing. But what puzzled the girl most was the implications of so much strategy concerning her own worth. What perspective could she take regarding her position, given that this appearance was something her companion was so afraid to disrupt? It was as if Densher was accepted partly out of fear that, if he hadn't been, she would react negatively. Hadn't her aunt considered the risk that she might, in that case, break off the connection, withdraw? The risk was exaggerated—she wouldn't have done anything so blatant; but that was evidently how Mrs. Lowder perceived and counted her. So what real importance did she attach to her, what peculiar interest could justify their ongoing relationship? Her father and sister had their own conclusions—even without knowing how the situation struck her; they saw the lady of Lancaster Gate as eager to make her fortune, and the explanation for that ambition was that, from a closer view than she had ever enjoyed before, she had been captivated, dazzled. They approved, they admired her for being one of the late whims of rich, unpredictable, intense old women—the more notable since it wasn't the result of any scheme; and they speculated on the possible outcomes for her. Kate understood how to view her ability to charm; she saw herself as attractive, for sure, but also hard-edged, and felt clever yet cold. Furthermore, she was just imperfectly ambitious enough that it was a shame, for a quiet life, she couldn't settle for being either gracefully or foolishly indifferent. Her intelligence sometimes made her too still—and her lack of it was restless; so she felt she missed out on both extremes. Nevertheless, she recognized that she was in a situation now, and even her sad, disillusioned mother, who was dying but had Aunt Maud interviewing the nurse on the stairs, had not failed to remind her that it was the nature of situations to be, under divine Providence, worked through. The dear woman had died believing she was indeed orchestrating the very situation unfolding before them.

Kate took one of her walks with Densher just after her visit to Mr. Croy; but most of it went, as usual, to their sitting in talk. They had, under the trees, by the lake, the air of old friends—phases of apparent earnestness, in particular, in which they might have been settling every question in their vast young world; and periods of silence, side by side, perhaps even more, when "a long engagement!" would have been the final reading of the signs on the part of a passer struck with them, as it was so easy to be. They would have presented themselves thus as very old friends rather than as young persons who had met for the first time but a year before and had spent most of the interval without contact. It was indeed for each, already, as if they were older friends; and though the succession of their meetings might, between them, have been straightened out, they only had a confused sense of a good many, very much alike, and a confused intention of a good many more, as little different as possible. The desire to keep them just as they were had perhaps to do with the fact that in spite of the presumed diagnosis of the stranger there had been for them as yet no formal, no final understanding. Densher had at the very first pressed the question, but that, it had been easy to reply, was too soon; so that a singular thing had afterwards happened. They had accepted their acquaintance as too short for an engagement, but they had treated it as long enough for almost anything else, and marriage was somehow before them like a temple without an avenue. They belonged to the temple and they met in the grounds; they were in the stage at which grounds in general offered much scattered refreshment. But Kate had meanwhile had so few confidants that she wondered at the source of her father's suspicions. The diffusion of rumour was of course, in London, remarkable, and for Marian not less—as Aunt Maud touched neither directly—the mystery had worked. No doubt she had been seen. Of course she had been seen. She had taken no trouble not to be seen, and it was a thing, clearly, she was incapable of taking. But she had been seen how?—and what was there to see? She was in love—she knew that: but it was wholly her own business, and she had the sense of having conducted herself, of still so doing, with almost violent conformity.

Kate took one of her walks with Densher just after her visit with Mr. Croy; but like usual, most of it was spent in conversation. They had the vibe of old friends beneath the trees by the lake—moments of seemingly serious discussion, where they could have been unpacking every issue in their vast young lives; and stretches of silence side by side, which a passing observer might easily interpret as "a long engagement!" They would appear more like longtime friends than as young people who had only met a year ago and had spent most of that time apart. It already felt to each of them as if they were older friends; and while their meetings could have been more structured, they only had a muddled sense of many very similar interactions and a vague intention of even more, as similar as possible. Their desire to keep things just the way they were probably stemmed from the fact that despite the assumptions of outsiders, they hadn’t come to any formal or final understanding yet. Densher had originally pushed for answers, but it was easy to say it was too early; thus, something unusual occurred afterward. They had acknowledged their acquaintance as too brief for an engagement, but treated it as long enough for almost everything else, with marriage somehow looming before them like a temple without a path leading to it. They belonged to that temple and met in its grounds; they were in a stage where the gardens offered a scattered kind of refreshment. But meanwhile, Kate had confided in so few people that she was puzzled by her father’s suspicions. The spread of rumors in London was notorious, and for Marian—not directly touched by Aunt Maud—the mystery had taken hold. No doubt she had been seen. Of course, she had been seen. She hadn’t made any effort to avoid being seen, nor was she even capable of doing so. But how had she been seen?—and what exactly was there to see? She was in love—she knew that: but it was completely her own matter, and she felt she had conducted herself, and continued to do so, with almost fierce conformity.

"I've an idea—in fact I feel sure—that Aunt Maud means to write to you; and I think you had better know it." So much as this she said to him as soon as they met, but immediately adding to it: "So as to make up your mind how to take her. I know pretty well what she'll say to you."

"I have an idea—in fact, I'm pretty sure—that Aunt Maud plans to write to you; and I think you should know. That’s what I told him as soon as we met, but I quickly added: "So you can decide how to react to her. I know pretty well what she’ll say to you."

"Then will you kindly tell me?"

"Then could you please tell me?"

She thought a little. "I can't do that. I should spoil it. She'll do the best for her own idea."

She thought for a moment. "I can't do that. I would mess it up. She'll do what's best for her own idea."

"Her idea, you mean, that I'm a sort of a scoundrel; or, at the best, not good enough for you?"

"Is that what you mean by her idea, that I’m some kind of scoundrel, or at best, just not good enough for you?"

They were side by side again in their penny chairs, and Kate had another pause. "Not good enough for her."

They were sitting next to each other again in their penny chairs, and Kate paused once more. "Not good enough for her."

"Oh, I see. And that's necessary."

"Oh, I get it. And that's important."

He put it as a truth rather more than as a question; but there had been plenty of truths between them that each had contradicted. Kate, however, let this one sufficiently pass, only saying the next moment: "She has behaved extraordinarily."

He stated it more as a truth than as a question; however, there had been plenty of truths between them that both had denied. Kate, though, let this one slide, only saying a moment later: "She has acted incredibly."

"And so have we," Densher declared. "I think, you know, we've been awfully decent."

"And so have we," Densher said. "I think, you know, we've been really decent."

"For ourselves, for each other, for people in general, yes. But not for her. For her," said Kate, "we've been monstrous. She has been giving us rope. So if she does send for you," the girl repeated, "you must know where you are."

"For ourselves, for each other, for people in general, yes. But not for her. For her," Kate said, "we've been awful. She has been giving us space. So if she does call for you," the girl repeated, "you must know what to expect."

"That I always know. It's where you are that concerns me."

"That's something I always know. It's where you are that worries me."

"Well," said Kate after an instant, "her idea of that is what you'll have from her." He gave her a long look, and whatever else people who wouldn't let her alone might have wished, for her advancement, his long looks were the thing in the world she could never have enough of. What she felt was that, whatever might happen, she must keep them, must make them most completely her possession; and it was already strange enough that she reasoned, or at all events began to act, as if she might work them in with other and alien things, privately cherish them, and yet, as regards the rigour of it, pay no price. She looked it well in the face, she took it intensely home, that they were lovers; she rejoiced to herself and, frankly, to him, in their wearing of the name; but, distinguished creature that, in her way, she was, she took a view of this character that scarce squared with the conventional. The character itself she insisted on as their right, taking that so for granted that it didn't seem even bold; but Densher, though he agreed with her, found himself moved to wonder at her simplifications, her values. Life might prove difficult—was evidently going to; but meanwhile they had each other, and that was everything. This was her reasoning, but meanwhile, for him, each other was what they didn't have, and it was just the point. Repeatedly, however, it was a point that, in the face of strange and special things, he judged it rather awkwardly gross to urge. It was impossible to keep Mrs. Lowder out of their scheme. She stood there too close to it and too solidly; it had to open a gate, at a given point, do what they would to take her in. And she came in, always, while they sat together rather helplessly watching her, as in a coach-in-four; she drove round their prospect as the principal lady at the circus drives round the ring, and she stopped the coach in the middle to alight with majesty. It was our young man's sense that she was magnificently vulgar, but yet, quite, that this wasn't all. It wasn't with her vulgarity that she felt his want of means, though that might have helped her richly to embroider it; nor was it with the same infirmity that she was strong, original, dangerous.

"Well," Kate said after a moment, "her idea of that is what you'll get from her." He gave her a long look, and no matter what others who wouldn’t leave her alone might have wanted for her future, his long looks were the one thing she could never get enough of. She felt that, no matter what happened, she had to hold onto them, had to make them completely hers; and it was already strange enough that she thought, or at least started to act, as if she could mix them in with other things, treasure them privately, and yet, without any cost. She faced it squarely and fully understood that they were lovers; she delighted in this fact both to herself and openly to him. But, being the remarkable person she was, she viewed this relationship in a way that didn’t quite fit conventional expectations. She claimed the title as their right, assuming it so easily that it didn’t even seem bold; but Densher, while he agreed with her, found himself curious about her simplifications and values. Life might be difficult—was clearly going to be; but for now, they had each other, and that was everything. This was her logic, but for him, "each other" was something they didn't have, and that was the crux of the matter. However, he often found it rather awkward to bring it up in the face of strange and unique situations. It was impossible to exclude Mrs. Lowder from their plans. She was too close and too solidly present; their situation had to open a door, whether they liked it or not, to let her in. And she always did, while they sat there feeling somewhat helpless watching her, like passengers in a grand coach; she circled their view like the main performer at a circus does around the ring, and she halted the coach in the middle to get down with flair. Our young man sensed that she was magnificently crass, but he also knew that wasn’t all there was to her. It wasn’t her crassness that highlighted his lack of means, although that could have added to the drama; nor was it the same weakness that made her strong, unique, and dangerous.

His want of means—of means sufficient for anyone but himself—was really the great ugliness, and was, moreover, at no time more ugly for him than when it rose there, as it did seem to rise, shameless, face to face with the elements in Kate's life colloquially and conveniently classed by both of them as funny. He sometimes indeed, for that matter, asked himself if these elements were as funny as the innermost fact, so often vivid to him, of his own consciousness—his private inability to believe he should ever be rich. His conviction on this head was in truth quite positive and a thing by itself; he failed, after analysis, to understand it, though he had naturally more lights on it than any one else. He knew how it subsisted in spite of an equal consciousness of his being neither mentally nor physically quite helpless, neither a dunce nor a cripple; he knew it to be absolute, though secret, and also, strange to say, about common undertakings, not discouraging, not prohibitive. Only now was he having to think if it were prohibitive in respect to marriage; only now, for the first time, had he to weigh his case in scales. The scales, as he sat with Kate, often dangled in the line of his vision; he saw them, large and black, while he talked or listened, take, in the bright air, singular positions. Sometimes the right was down and sometimes the left; never a happy equipoise—one or the other always kicking the beam. Thus was kept before him the question of whether it were more ignoble to ask a woman to take her chance with you, or to accept it from one's conscience that her chance could be at the best but one of the degrees of privation; whether, too, otherwise, marrying for money mightn't after all be a smaller cause of shame than the mere dread of marrying without. Through these variations of mood and view, all the same, the mark on his forehead stood clear; he saw himself remain without whether he married or not. It was a line on which his fancy could be admirably active; the innumerable ways of making money were beautifully present to him; he could have handled them, for his newspaper, as easily as he handled everything. He was quite aware how he handled everything; it was another mark on his forehead; the pair of smudges from the thumb of fortune, the brand on the passive fleece, dated from the primal hour and kept each other company. He wrote, as for print, with deplorable ease; since there had been nothing to stop him even at the age of ten, so there was as little at twenty; it was part of his fate in the first place and part of the wretched public's in the second. The innumerable ways of making money were, no doubt, at all events, what his imagination often was busy with after he had tilted his chair and thrown back his head with his hands clasped behind it. What would most have prolonged that attitude, moreover, was the reflection that the ways were ways only for others. Within the minute, now—however this might be—he was aware of a nearer view than he had yet quite had of those circumstances on his companion's part that made least for simplicity of relation. He saw above all how she saw them herself, for she spoke of them at present with the last frankness, telling him of her visit to her father and giving him, in an account of her subsequent scene with her sister, an instance of how she was perpetually reduced to patching up, in one way or another, that unfortunate woman's hopes.

His lack of resources—resources sufficient for anyone but himself—was truly the significant drawback, and it was at no time more evident for him than when it confronted him, shamelessly, against the elements in Kate's life that they both casually and conveniently labeled as humorous. He occasionally wondered if these elements were as amusing as the deeply felt truth of his own awareness—his private belief that he would never be wealthy. His conviction on this matter was undeniably strong and isolated; he struggled to make sense of it, even though he had more insight into it than anyone else. He recognized how it persisted despite being fully aware that he was neither mentally nor physically helpless, neither a fool nor disabled; he knew it to be absolute, albeit hidden, and curiously, about common pursuits, not discouraging or prohibitive. Only now was he starting to consider if it was prohibitive when it came to marriage; for the first time, he had to weigh his situation deliberately. The scales, as he sat with Kate, often hovered in his line of sight; he saw them, large and black, while he talked or listened, taking oddly placed positions in the bright air. Sometimes the right side dipped and sometimes the left; there was never a happy balance—one side or the other always tipping the scales. This kept alive the question of whether it was more dishonorable to ask a woman to take a chance on him or to acknowledge that her chance could only lead to varying degrees of hardship; whether, on the other hand, marrying for money might ultimately be a lesser source of shame than the simple fear of marrying without it. Throughout these fluctuations in mood and perspective, the mark on his forehead remained clear; he saw that he would remain without, whether he married or not. It was a notion his imagination could engage with actively; the countless ways of making money were vividly present to him; he could have managed them, for his newspaper, as easily as he handled everything else. He was fully aware of how he managed everything; it was another mark on his forehead; the two smudges left by fate, the brand on the passive fleece, dated back to the beginning and kept each other company. He wrote, as if for publication, with alarming ease; since nothing had stopped him even at ten, there was equally little at twenty; it was part of his fate, to begin with, and part of the unfortunate public's, in the second. The countless ways of making money were, without doubt, what his mind often wandered to after he tilted his chair and leaned back with his hands clasped behind his head. What would have most prolonged that position, moreover, was the realization that those ways were only viable for others. In that moment, now—whatever might be—he became aware of a clearer perspective than he had previously held on the circumstances concerning his companion that made their relationship less straightforward. He understood above all how she perceived them herself, as she spoke about them now with utmost candor, recounting her visit to her father and giving him, in sharing her subsequent confrontation with her sister, an example of how she was continually left to mend that unfortunate woman's hopes in one way or another.

"The tune," she exclaimed, "to which we're a failure as a family!" With which he had it again all from her—and this time, as it seemed to him, more than all: the dishonour her father had brought them, his folly and cruelty and wickedness; the wounded state of her mother, abandoned, despoiled and helpless, yet, for the management of such a home as remained to them, dreadfully unreasonable too; the extinction of her two young brothers—one, at nineteen, the eldest of the house, by typhoid fever, contracted at a poisonous little place, as they had afterwards found out, that they had taken for a summer; the other, the flower of the flock, a middy on the Britannia, dreadfully drowned, and not even by an accident at sea, but by cramp, unrescued, while bathing, too late in the autumn, in a wretched little river during a holiday visit to the home of a shipmate. Then Marian's unnatural marriage, in itself a kind of spiritless turning of the other cheek to fortune: her actual wretchedness and plaintiveness, her greasy children, her impossible claims, her odious visitors—these things completed the proof of the heaviness, for them all, of the hand of fate. Kate confessedly described them with an excess of impatience; it was much of her charm for Densher that she gave in general that turn to her descriptions, partly as if to amuse him by free and humorous colour, partly—and that charm was the greatest—as if to work off, for her own relief, her constant perception of the incongruity of things. She had seen the general show too early and too sharply, and she was so intelligent that she knew it and allowed for that misfortune; therefore when, in talk with him, she was violent and almost unfeminine, it was almost as if they had settled, for intercourse, on the short cut of the fantastic and the happy language of exaggeration. It had come to be definite between them at a primary stage that, if they could have no other straight way, the realm of thought at least was open to them. They could think whatever they liked about whatever they would—or, in other words, they could say it. Saying it for each other, for each other alone, only of course added to the taste. The implication was thereby constant that what they said when not together had no taste for them at all, and nothing could have served more to launch them, at special hours, on their small floating island than such an assumption that they were only making believe everywhere else. Our young man, it must be added, was conscious enough that it was Kate who profited most by this particular play of the fact of intimacy. It always seemed to him that she had more life than he to react from, and when she recounted the dark disasters of her house and glanced at the hard, odd offset of her present exaltation—since as exaltation it was apparently to be considered—he felt his own grey domestic annals to make little show. It was naturally, in all such reference, the question of her father's character that engaged him most, but her picture of her adventure in Chirk Street gave him a sense of how little as yet that character was clear to him. What was it, to speak plainly, that Mr. Croy had originally done?

"The tune," she exclaimed, "that shows we're failing as a family!" He felt it all again from her—and this time, it seemed to him, even more than before: the disgrace her father had brought upon them, his foolishness, cruelty, and wickedness; the painful state of her mother, abandoned, stripped of dignity and helpless, yet, in managing what was left of their home, also terribly unreasonable; the loss of her two young brothers—one, at nineteen, the oldest of the family, dying from typhoid fever caught at a toxic little spot they'd later found out about that they had gone to for the summer; the other, the pride of the family, a midshipman on the Britannia, tragically drowned, not even in a sea accident, but from cramping while swimming too late in the fall in a miserable little river during a holiday visit to a shipmate's home. Then there was Marian's unhappy marriage, itself a kind of lifeless acceptance of fate: her genuine misery and complaints, her unkempt kids, her unreasonable demands, her unbearable visitors—these things added to the proof of the heavy burden of fate upon them all. Kate openly described their situation with a lot of impatience; it was part of her charm for Densher that she usually put such a spin on her descriptions, partly to entertain him with her free and humorous take, and partly—and this was the greatest charm—to relieve herself of her constant awareness of the absurdity of their situation. She had seen the overall show too early and too clearly, and she was so sharp that she recognized this misfortune and dealt with it. So when she talked to him, her expression was intense and almost unladylike, as if they had agreed in their conversations to take a shortcut into the realm of the surreal and the playful language of exaggeration. It became clear between them early on that, if they had no other way, at least the realm of thought was open to them. They could think anything they wanted about whatever they pleased—or, in other words, they could say it. Saying it to one another, just for each other, of course only enhanced the experience. The constant implication was that whatever they said when they weren’t together held no real value for them, and nothing could have propelled them, during special moments, onto their small floating island more than the assumption that they were just pretending everywhere else. It should be noted that the young man was aware that it was Kate who benefited the most from this unique play of intimacy. It always seemed to him that she had more energy than he did to draw from, and when she recounted the grim misfortunes of her family and reflected on the tough, odd contrast of her current exaltation—since it was clearly meant to be seen as exaltation—he felt his own dull family history paled in comparison. Naturally, in all such discussions, it was her father's character that intrigued him the most, but her account of her experiences on Chirk Street made him realize how little he truly understood that character. Simply put, what had Mr. Croy originally done?

"I don't know—and I don't want to. I only know that years and years ago—when I was about fifteen—something or other happened that made him impossible. I mean impossible for the world at large first, and then, little by little, for mother. We of course didn't know it at the time," Kate explained, "but we knew it later; and it was, oddly enough, my sister who first made out that he had done something. I can hear her now—the way, one cold, black Sunday morning when, on account of an extraordinary fog, we had not gone to church, she broke it to me by the school-room fire. I was reading a history-book by the lamp—when we didn't go to church we had to read history-books—and I suddenly heard her say, out of the fog, which was in the room, and apropos of nothing: 'Papa has done something wicked.' And the curious thing was that I believed it on the spot and have believed it ever since, though she could tell me nothing more—neither what was the wickedness, nor how she knew, nor what would happen to him, nor anything else about it. We had our sense, always, that all sorts of things had happened, were all the while happening, to him; so that when Marian only said she was sure, tremendously sure, that she had made it out for herself, but that that was enough, I took her word for it—it seemed somehow so natural. We were not, however, to ask mother—which made it more natural still, and I said never a word. But mother, strangely enough, spoke of it to me, in time, of her own accord very much later on. He hadn't been with us for ever so long, but we were used to that. She must have had some fear, some conviction that I had an idea, some idea of her own that it was the best thing to do. She came out as abruptly as Marian had done: 'If you hear anything against your father—anything I mean, except that he's odious and vile—remember it's perfectly false.' That was the way I knew—it was true, though I recall that I said to her then that I of course knew it wasn't. She might have told me it was true, and yet have trusted me to contradict fiercely enough any accusation of him that I should meet—to contradict it much more fiercely and effectively, I think, than she would have done herself. As it happens, however," the girl went on, "I've never had occasion, and I've been conscious of it with a sort of surprise. It has made the world, at times, seem more decent. No one has so much as breathed to me. That has been a part of the silence, the silence that surrounds him, the silence that, for the world, has washed him out. He doesn't exist for people. And yet I'm as sure as ever. In fact, though I know no more than I did then, I'm more sure. And that," she wound up, "is what I sit here and tell you about my own father. If you don't call it a proof of confidence I don't know what will satisfy you."

"I don't know—and I don't want to. I just know that years ago—when I was about fifteen—something happened that made him impossible. I mean impossible for the world first, and then, little by little, for mom. Of course, we didn't realize it at the time," Kate explained, "but we understood it later; and oddly enough, it was my sister who first figured out that he had done something. I can still hear her now—the way, one cold, dark Sunday morning when, because of a really thick fog, we didn't go to church, she told me by the school-room fire. I was reading a history book by the lamp—when we skipped church, we had to read history books—and suddenly I heard her say, out of the fog that was in the room, and totally out of nowhere: 'Dad has done something bad.' And the weird thing is that I believed it right away and have believed it ever since, even though she couldn't tell me anything more—neither what the bad thing was, nor how she knew, nor what would happen to him, nor anything else about it. We always sensed that all sorts of things had happened and were always happening to him; so when Marian just said she was sure, really sure, that she had figured it out on her own, but that was enough, I took her word for it—it seemed so natural. We weren't supposed to ask mom—which made it feel even more natural, and I never said a word. But mom, strangely enough, talked to me about it, on her own, much later. He hadn't been with us for a long time, but we were used to that. She must have felt some fear, some belief that I had an idea, some sense of her own that it was best to bring it up. She came out as abruptly as Marian had: 'If you hear anything bad about your father—anything except that he's horrible and vile—remember it's completely false.' That was how I knew—it was true, even though I remember telling her then that I knew it wasn't. She could have told me it was true and still trusted me to fiercely contradict any accusations about him that I encountered—to contradict them much more forcefully and effectively, I think, than she would have done herself. However," the girl continued, "I've never had the chance, and I've been aware of it with some surprise. It has sometimes made the world seem more decent. No one has even hinted anything to me. That's been part of the silence, the silence that surrounds him, the silence that, for the world, has erased him. He doesn't exist for people. And yet I'm as sure as ever. In fact, although I know no more than I did then, I'm even more sure. And that," she concluded, "is what I’m sitting here to tell you about my own dad. If you don’t see that as proof of confidence, I don’t know what would satisfy you."

"It satisfies me beautifully," Densher declared, "but it doesn't, my dear child, very greatly enlighten me. You don't, you know, really tell me anything. It's so vague that what am I to think but that you may very well be mistaken? What has he done, if no one can name it?"

"It makes me really happy," Densher said, "but it doesn't, my dear, really give me much clarity. You’re not really telling me anything. It's so unclear that I can only assume you might be mistaken. What has he done, if no one can say?"

"He has done everything."

"He's done everything."

"Oh—everything! Everything's nothing."

"Oh—everything! Everything is nothing."

"Well then," said Kate, "he has done some particular thing. It's known—only, thank God, not to us. But it has been the end of him. You could doubtless find out with a little trouble. You can ask about."

"Well then," Kate said, "he's done something specific. It's known—thank God, just not by us. But it's the end of him. You could probably find out with a bit of effort. You can ask around."

Densher for a moment said nothing; but the next moment he made it up. "I wouldn't find out for the world, and I'd rather lose my tongue than put a question."

Densher was silent for a moment, but then he decided. "I wouldn't find out for anything, and I'd rather lose my tongue than ask a question."

"And yet it's a part of me," said Kate.

"And yet it's a part of me," Kate said.

"A part of you?"

"One part of you?"

"My father's dishonour." Then she sounded for him, but more deeply than ever yet, her note of proud, still pessimism. "How can such a thing as that not be the great thing in one's life?"

"My father's disgrace." Then she called out for him, but her tone was even more resonant with a proud, quiet pessimism than before. "How can something like that not be the most significant event in someone's life?"

She had to take from him again, on this, one of his long looks, and she took it to its deepest, its headiest dregs. "I shall ask you, for the great thing in your life," he said, "to depend on me a little more." After which, just hesitating, "Doesn't he belong to some club?" he inquired.

She had to endure one of his long stares again, and she took it all the way to its deepest, most intoxicating depths. "I'm asking you, for the most important thing in your life," he said, "to rely on me a bit more." After pausing for a moment, he asked, "Doesn't he belong to some club?"

She had a grave headshake. "He used to—to many."

She shook her head seriously. "He used to—too many."

"But he has dropped them?"

"But he has let them go?"

"They've dropped him. Of that I'm sure. It ought to do for you. I offered him," the girl immediately continued—"and it was for that I went to him—to come and be with him, make a home for him so far as is possible. But he won't hear of it."

"They've dropped him. I’m sure of it. That should be enough for you. I offered to be with him," the girl continued right away—"and that’s why I went to him—to come be with him and help create a home for him as much as possible. But he won’t listen."

Densher took this in with visible, but generous, wonder. "You offered him—'impossible' as you describe him to me—to live with him and share his disadvantages?" The young man saw for the moment but the high beauty of it. "You are gallant!"

Densher absorbed this with obvious but genuine amazement. "You offered him—'impossible' as you put it—to live with him and share his struggles?" The young man saw only the remarkable beauty of it for a moment. "You are brave!"

"Because it strikes you as being brave for him?" She wouldn't in the least have this. "It wasn't courage—it was the opposite. I did it to save myself—to escape."

"Because you think that's brave of him?" She definitely wouldn't accept that. "It wasn't courage—it was the opposite. I did it to save myself—to get away."

He had his air, so constant at this stage, as of her giving him finer things than any one to think about. "Escape from what?"

He had this vibe, which was pretty consistent at this point, like she was offering him more meaningful things to consider than anyone else. "Escape from what?"

"From everything."

"From all things."

"Do you by any chance mean from me?"

"Do you mean from me?"

"No; I spoke to him of you, told him—or what amounted to it—that I would bring you, if he would allow it, with me."

"No; I told him about you, let him know—or something close to it—that I'd bring you along, if he was okay with it."

"But he won't allow it," said Densher.

"But he won't let it happen," Densher said.

"Won't hear of it on any terms. He won't help me, won't save me, won't hold out a finger to me," Kate went on; "he simply wriggles away, in his inimitable manner, and throws me back."

"Won't hear of it at all. He won't help me, won't save me, won't lift a finger for me," Kate continued; "he just squirms away, in his unique way, and pushes me back."

"Back then, after all, thank goodness," Densher concurred, "on me."

"Back then, after all, thank goodness," Densher agreed, "on me."

But she spoke again as with the sole vision of the whole scene she had evoked. "It's a pity, because you'd like him. He's wonderful—he's charming." Her companion gave one of the laughs that marked in him, again, his feeling in her tone, inveterately, something that banished the talk of other women, so far as he knew other women, to the dull desert of the conventional, and she had already continued. "He would make himself delightful to you."

But she spoke again as if she could see the whole scene she had created. "It's a shame because you'd really like him. He's amazing—he's charming." Her friend let out a laugh that showed he understood her tone, which always made him think of how different she was from other women he knew, who felt so conventional and boring. She went on, "He would be wonderful company for you."

"Even while objecting to me?"

"Even while disagreeing with me?"

"Well, he likes to please," the girl explained—"personally. He would appreciate you and be clever with you. It's to me he objects—that is as to my liking you."

"Well, he likes to please," the girl explained—"personally. He would appreciate you and be clever with you. It's me he has a problem with—that is, with my liking you."

"Heaven be praised then," Densher exclaimed, "that you like me enough for the objection!"

"Heaven be praised then," Densher said, "that you like me enough to raise an objection!"

But she met it after an instant with some inconsequence. "I don't. I offered to give you up, if necessary, to go to him. But it made no difference, and that's what I mean," she pursued, "by his declining me on any terms. The point is, you see, that I don't escape."

But she quickly brushed it off with some randomness. "I don’t. I said I’d let you go, if it came to that, to be with him. But it didn’t matter, and that’s what I mean," she continued, "by him rejecting me on any terms. The point is, you see, that I can’t get away."

Densher wondered. "But if you didn't wish to escape me?"

Densher wondered. "But what if you didn't want to escape me?"

"I wished to escape Aunt Maud. But he insists that it's through her and through her only that I may help him; just as Marian insists that it's through her, and through her only, that I can help her. That's what I mean," she again explained, "by their turning me back."

"I wanted to get away from Aunt Maud. But he insists that it’s only through her that I can help him; just like Marian insists that it’s only through her that I can help her. That’s what I mean," she explained again, "by them turning me back."

The young man thought. "Your sister turns you back too?"

The young man thought, "Does your sister turn you away too?"

"Oh, with a push!"

"Oh, just give it a push!"

"But have you offered to live with your sister?"

"But have you asked to live with your sister?"

"I would in a moment if she'd have me. That's all my virtue—a narrow little family feeling. I've a small stupid piety—I don't know what to call it." Kate bravely sustained it; she made it out. "Sometimes, alone, I've to smother my shrieks when I think of my poor mother. She went through things—they pulled her down; I know what they were now—I didn't then, for I was a pig; and my position, compared with hers, is an insolence of success. That's what Marian keeps before me; that's what papa himself, as I say, so inimitably does. My position's a value, a great value, for them both"—she followed and followed. Lucid and ironic, she knew no merciful muddle. "It's the value—the only one they have."

"I would in a heartbeat if she’d want me. That's all my virtue—a narrow little family loyalty. I've got a small, silly sense of piety—I’m not even sure what to call it." Kate bravely held it together; she made it work. "Sometimes, when I'm alone, I have to stifle my screams when I think about my poor mom. She went through so much—they broke her down; I know what it was now—I didn’t back then because I was clueless; and my situation compared to hers feels like an insult to her struggles. That’s what Marian keeps reminding me of; that’s what Dad himself, as I said, does so perfectly. My position has value, a lot of value, for both of them"—she kept on and on. Clear and ironic, she didn’t know any kind of comforting confusion. "It’s the value—the only one they have."

Everything between our young couple moved today, in spite of their pauses, their margin, to a quicker measure—the quickness and anxiety playing lightning-like in the sultriness. Densher watched, decidedly, as he had never done before. "And the fact you speak of holds you!"

Everything between our young couple moved today, despite their pauses and hesitations, to a quicker rhythm—the quickness and anxiety sparking like lightning in the heat. Densher watched, more intently than ever before. "And the thing you mention is what keeps you!"

"Of course, it holds me. It's a perpetual sound in my ears. It makes me ask myself if I've any right to personal happiness, any right to anything but to be as rich and overflowing, as smart and shining, as I can be made."

"Of course, it holds me. It's a constant sound in my ears. It makes me wonder if I have any right to personal happiness, any right to anything other than being as wealthy and abundant, as intelligent and radiant, as I can be."

Densher had a pause. "Oh, you might, with good luck, have the personal happiness too."

Densher paused. "Oh, you might, if you’re lucky, have personal happiness as well."

Her immediate answer to this was a silence like his own; after which she gave him straight in the face, but quite simply and quietly: "Darling!"

Her quick response to this was a silence similar to his; after that, she looked him right in the eye and said, very simply and calmly: "Darling!"

It took him another moment; then he was also quiet and simple. "Will you settle it by our being married to-morrow—as we can, with perfect ease, civilly?"

It took him another moment; then he was also quiet and straightforward. "Will you agree to us getting married tomorrow—as we can, with complete ease, in a civil way?"

"Let us wait to arrange it," Kate presently replied, "till after you've seen her."

"Let's hold off on making arrangements," Kate replied, "until after you've seen her."

"Do you call that adoring me?" Densher demanded.

"Is that what you call adoring me?" Densher asked.

They were talking, for the time, with the strangest mixture of deliberation and directness, and nothing could have been more in the tone of it than the way she at last said: "You're afraid of her yourself."

They were chatting, for the moment, with the weirdest blend of thoughtfulness and straightforwardness, and nothing captured that vibe better than the way she finally said: "You're scared of her too."

He gave a smile a trifle glassy. "For young persons of a great distinction and a very high spirit, we're a caution!"

He gave a slightly forced smile. "For young people of great significance and a strong spirit, we're quite the spectacle!"

"Yes," she took it straight up; "we're hideously intelligent. But there's fun in it too. We must get our fun where we can. I think," she added, and for that matter, not without courage, "our relation's beautiful. It's not a bit vulgar. I cling to some saving romance in things."

"Yeah," she said directly, "we're really smart. But there's fun in it too. We have to find fun wherever we can. I think," she added, showing some courage, "our relationship is beautiful. It’s not at all tacky. I hold on to a little bit of romance in everything."

It made him break into a laugh which had more freedom than his smile. "How you must be afraid you'll chuck me!"

It made him laugh out loud, and it felt more genuine than his smile. "You must be so scared that you'll just throw me out!"

"No, no, that would be vulgar. But, of course, I do see my danger," she admitted, "of doing something base."

"No, no, that would be tacky. But, of course, I realize my risk," she admitted, "of doing something low."

"Then what can be so base as sacrificing me?"

"Then what could be more lowly than sacrificing me?"

"I shan't sacrifice you; don't cry out till you're hurt. I shall sacrifice nobody and nothing, and that's just my situation, that I want and that I shall try for everything. That," she wound up, "is how I see myself, and how I see you quite as much, acting for them."

"I won't sacrifice you; don’t scream until you’re in pain. I won’t sacrifice anyone or anything, and that’s just where I stand, wanting and striving for everything. That," she concluded, "is how I see myself, and how I see you just as clearly, acting for them."

"For 'them'?" and the young man strongly, extravagantly marked his coldness. "Thank you!"

"For 'them'?" the young man said, emphasizing his coldness dramatically. "Thanks!"

"Don't you care for them?"

"Don't you care about them?"

"Why should I? What are they to me but a serious nuisance?"

"Why should I? What do they mean to me except as a major distraction?"

As soon as he had permitted himself this qualification of the unfortunate persons she so perversely cherished, he repented of his roughness—and partly because he expected a flash from her. But it was one of her finest sides that she sometimes flashed with a mere mild glow. "I don't see why you don't make out a little more that if we avoid stupidity we may do all. We may keep her."

As soon as he allowed himself to qualify the unfortunate people she so stubbornly cared for, he regretted his harshness—and partly because he was expecting a reaction from her. But one of her best qualities was that she sometimes showed her brilliance with just a gentle sparkle. "I don't understand why you don't realize that if we stay away from foolishness, we can do everything. We can keep her."

He stared. "Make her pension us?"

He stared. "Have her support us?"

"Well, wait at least till we have seen."

"Well, let's wait until we've at least seen."

He thought. "Seen what can be got out of her?"

He thought, “Have you seen what you can get from her?”

Kate for a moment said nothing. "After all I never asked her; never, when our troubles were at the worst, appealed to her nor went near her. She fixed upon me herself, settled on me with her wonderful gilded claws."

Kate was quiet for a moment. "After all, I never asked her; never, when things were at their worst, reached out to her or went near her. She chose me herself, zeroed in on me with her amazing gilded claws."

"You speak," Densher observed, "as if she were a vulture."

"You talk," Densher noted, "like she's a vulture."

"Call it an eagle—with a gilded beak as well, and with wings for great flights. If she's a thing of the air, in short—say at once a balloon—I never myself got into her car. I was her choice."

"Call it an eagle—with a shiny beak too, and with wings for soaring high. If she’s something of the sky, then just say a balloon—I never got into her car myself. I was her pick."

It had really, her sketch of the affair, a high colour and a great style; at all of which he gazed a minute as at a picture by a master. "What she must see in you!"

It really had, in her portrayal of the situation, a vivid intensity and great style; he stared at it for a moment as if it were a painting by a master. "What could she possibly see in you!"

"Wonders!" And, speaking it loud, she stood straight up. "Everything. There it is."

"Wonders!" she exclaimed, standing up straight. "Everything. It's right there."

Yes, there it was, and as she remained before him he continued to face it. "So that what you mean is that I'm to do my part in somehow squaring her?"

Yes, there it was, and as she stood in front of him, he kept facing it. "So what you’re saying is that I need to do my part in figuring her out?"

"See her, see her," Kate said with impatience.

"Look at her, look at her," Kate said with impatience.

"And grovel to her?"

"And beg her?"

"Ah, do what you like!" And she walked in her impatience away.

"Fine, do whatever you want!" And she walked away in her impatience.



IV



His eyes had followed her at this time quite long enough, before he overtook her, to make out more than ever, in the poise of her head, the pride of her step—he didn't know what best to call it—a part, at least, of Mrs. Lowder's reasons. He consciously winced while he figured his presenting himself as a reason opposed to these; though, at the same moment, with the source of Aunt Maud's inspiration thus before him, he was prepared to conform, by almost any abject attitude or profitable compromise, to his companion's easy injunction. He would do as she liked—his own liking might come off as it would. He would help her to the utmost of his power; for, all the rest of that day and the next, her easy injunction, tossed off that way as she turned her beautiful back, was like the crack of a great whip in the blue air, the high element in which Mrs. Lowder hung. He wouldn't grovel perhaps—he wasn't quite ready for that; but he would be patient, ridiculous, reasonable, unreasonable, and above all deeply diplomatic. He would be clever, with all his cleverness—which he now shook hard, as he sometimes shook his poor, dear, shabby, old watch, to start it up again. It wasn't, thank goodness, as if there weren't plenty of that, and with what they could muster between them it would be little to the credit of their star, however pale, that defeat and surrender—surrender so early, so immediate—should have to ensue. It was not indeed that he thought of that disaster as, at the worst, a direct sacrifice of their possibilities: he imaged—it which was enough as some proved vanity, some exposed fatuity, in the idea of bringing Mrs. Lowder round. When, shortly afterwards, in this lady's vast drawing-room—the apartments at Lancaster Gate had struck him from the first as of prodigious extent—he awaited her, at her request, conveyed in a "reply-paid" telegram, his theory was that of their still clinging to their idea, though with a sense of the difficulty of it really enlarged to the scale of the place.

His eyes had been on her for quite a while before he caught up to her, allowing him to notice even more the way she held her head and the pride in her step—he wasn’t sure what to call it, but it made him think of some of Mrs. Lowder's reasons. He flinched a bit at the thought of presenting himself as a reason against those; however, with Aunt Maud's inspiration right in front of him, he was ready to conform, by almost any submissive action or beneficial compromise, to what his companion easily urged. He would do what she wanted—whatever he liked would come second. He would assist her to the best of his ability; for, all that day and the next, her relaxed command, tossed off as she turned her beautiful back, felt like the crack of a whip in the blue sky, the high space where Mrs. Lowder floated. He wouldn't grovel, maybe—not quite ready for that—but he would be patient, absurd, reasonable, unreasonable, and above all deeply diplomatic. He would be clever, using all his cleverness—which he shook hard as he sometimes did with his old, shabby watch to get it going again. Thankfully, it wasn't as if he lacked that cleverness, and with what they could come up with together, it would be a shame for their potential, however dim, to lead to defeat and surrender—surrender so early, so immediate. It wasn't that he viewed that disaster as, at worst, a direct loss of their possibilities; he imagined it—which was enough to show some vanity, some foolishness, in the idea of winning over Mrs. Lowder. Shortly after, in this lady's enormous drawing-room—the rooms at Lancaster Gate had struck him as impressively large—he waited for her, at her request, communicated through a "reply-paid" telegram, believing they still clung to their idea, albeit with a heightened awareness of the challenge matched to the vastness of the space.

He had the place for a long time—it seemed to him a quarter of an hour—to himself; and while Aunt Maud kept him and kept him, while observation and reflection crowded on him, he asked himself what was to be expected of a person who could treat one like that. The visit, the hour were of her own proposing, so that her delay, no doubt, was but part of a general plan of putting him to inconvenience. As he walked to and fro, however, taking in the message of her massive, florid furniture, the immense expression of her signs and symbols, he had as little doubt of the inconvenience he was prepared to suffer. He found himself even facing the thought that he had nothing to fall back on, and that that was as great a humiliation in a good cause as a proud man could desire. It had not yet been so distinct to him that he made no show—literally not the smallest; so complete a show seemed made there all about him; so almost abnormally affirmative, so aggressively erect, were the huge, heavy objects that syllabled his hostess story. "When all's said and done, you know, she's colossally vulgar"—he had once all but said that of Mrs. Lowder to her niece; only just keeping it back at the last, keeping it to himself with all its danger about it. It mattered because it bore so directly, and he at all events quite felt it a thing that Kate herself would some day bring out to him. It bore directly at present, and really all the more that somehow, strangely, it didn't in the least imply that Aunt Maud was dull or stale. She was vulgar with freshness, almost with beauty, since there was beauty, to a degree, in the play of so big and bold a temperament. She was in fine quite the largest possible quantity to deal with; and he was in the cage of the lioness without his whip—the whip, in a word, of a supply of proper retorts. He had no retort but that he loved the girl—which in such a house as that was painfully cheap. Kate had mentioned to him more than once that her aunt was Passionate, speaking of it as a kind of offset and uttering it as with a capital P, marking it as something that he might, that he in fact ought to, turn about in some way to their advantage. He wondered at this hour to what advantage he could turn it; but the case grew less simple the longer he waited. Decidedly there was something he hadn't enough of. He stood as one fast.

He had the place to himself for what felt like ages—at least a quarter of an hour—and while Aunt Maud kept him waiting, his thoughts became more intense. He wondered what he could expect from someone who would treat him this way. The visit and the time were her idea, so her delay was probably just a part of her plan to inconvenience him. As he paced back and forth, absorbing the vibe of her heavy, elaborate furniture and the boldness of her decor, he had no doubt about the discomfort he was ready to endure. He even faced the reality that he had nothing to fall back on, and that was just as humiliating in a noble cause as any proud person could wish. It hadn’t occurred to him yet that he wasn’t even putting on a show—literally not the slightest; the place was a complete display on its own. The big, imposing things that conveyed his hostess's story were almost overwhelmingly assertive. "At the end of the day, she's ridiculously vulgar," he almost said to Mrs. Lowder’s niece; he barely managed to hold it back, knowing the risk it posed. It mattered because it directly affected him, and he was sure that Kate would eventually bring it up with him. It felt even more significant considering that, oddly enough, it didn’t necessarily mean Aunt Maud was boring or stale. She was vulgar in a fresh, almost beautiful way; there was a kind of beauty to the boldness of her large personality. She was quite the largest challenge to deal with, and he was in the lioness's den without his whip—the whip, essentially, of needing to deliver the right comebacks. The only comeback he had was that he loved the girl—which, in a place like this, felt painfully cheap. Kate had mentioned more than once that her aunt was passionate, emphasizing the word as if it were significant, suggesting it might be something he could leverage to their advantage. He wondered how he could use it to his benefit now; however, the situation grew more complicated the longer he waited. Clearly, there was something he lacked. He felt stuck.

His slow march to and fro seemed to give him the very measure; as he paced and paced the distance it became the desert of his poverty; at the sight of which expanse moreover he could pretend to himself as little as before that the desert looked redeemable. Lancaster Gate looked rich—that was all the effect; which it was unthinkable that any state of his own should ever remotely resemble. He read more vividly, more critically, as has been hinted, the appearances about him; and they did nothing so much as make him wonder at his aesthetic reaction. He hadn't known—and in spite of Kate's repeated reference to her own rebellions of taste—that he should "mind" so much how an independent lady might decorate her house. It was the language of the house itself that spoke to him, writing out for him, with surpassing breadth and freedom, the associations and conceptions, the ideals and possibilities of the mistress. Never, he flattered himself, had he seen anything so gregariously ugly—operatively, ominously so cruel. He was glad to have found this last name for the whole character; "cruel" somehow played into the subject for an article—that his impression put straight into his mind. He would write about the heavy horrors that could still flourish, that lifted their undiminished heads, in an age so proud of its short way with false gods; and it would be funny if what he should have got from Mrs. Lowder were to prove, after all, but a small amount of copy. Yet the great thing, really the dark thing, was that, even while he thought of the quick column he might add up, he felt it less easy to laugh at the heavy horrors than to quail before them. He couldn't describe and dismiss them collectively, call them either Mid-Victorian or Early; not being at all sure they were rangeable under one rubric. It was only manifest they were splendid and were furthermore conclusively British. They constituted an order and they abounded in rare material—precious woods, metals, stuffs, stones. He had never dreamed of anything so fringed and scalloped, so buttoned and corded, drawn everywhere so tight, and curled everywhere so thick. He had never dreamed of so much gilt and glass, so much satin and plush, so much rosewood and marble and malachite. But it was, above all, the solid forms, the wasted finish, the misguided cost, the general attestation of morality and money, a good conscience and a big balance. These things finally represented for him a portentous negation of his own world of thought—of which, for that matter, in the presence of them, he became as for the first time hopelessly aware. They revealed it to him by their merciless difference. His interview with Aunt Maud, none the less, took by no means the turn he had expected. Passionate though her nature, no doubt Mrs. Lowder, on this occasion, neither threatened nor appealed. Her arms of aggression, her weapons of defence, were presumably close at hand, but she left them untouched and unmentioned, and was in fact so bland that he properly perceived only afterwards how adroit she had been. He properly perceived something else as well, which complicated his case; he shouldn't have known what to call it if he hadn't called it her really imprudent good-nature. Her blandness, in other words, was not mere policy—he wasn't dangerous enough for policy; it was the result, he could see, of her fairly liking him a little. From the moment she did that she herself became more interesting; and who knew what might happen should he take to liking her? Well, it was a risk he naturally must face. She fought him, at any rate, but with one hand, with a few loose grains of stray powder. He recognised at the end of ten minutes, and even without her explaining it, that if she had made him wait it had not been to wound him; they had by that time almost directly met on the fact of her intention. She had wanted him to think for himself of what she proposed to say to him—not having otherwise announced it; wanted to let it come home to him on the spot, as she had shrewdly believed it would. Her first question, on appearing, had practically been as to whether he hadn't taken her hint, and this inquiry assumed so many things that it made discussion, immediately, frank and large. He knew, with the question put, that the hint was just what he had taken; knew that she had made him quickly forgive her the display of her power; knew that if he didn't take care he should understand her, and the strength of her purpose, to say nothing of that of her imagination, nothing of the length of her purse, only too well. Yet he pulled himself up with the thought, too, that he was not going to be afraid of understanding her; he was just going to understand and understand without detriment to the feeblest, even, of his passions. The play of one's mind let one in, at the best, dreadfully, in action, in the need of action, where simplicity was all; but when one couldn't prevent it the thing was to make it complete. There would never be mistakes but for the original fun of mistakes. What he must use his fatal intelligence for was to resist. Mrs. Lowder, meanwhile, might use it for whatever she liked.

His slow pacing back and forth seemed to give him a sense of perspective; as he walked the distance, it became the vast emptiness of his poverty, and he couldn't pretend that this emptiness looked redeemable. Lancaster Gate seemed affluent—that was the only effect; it was unimaginable that any state of his own should ever even closely resemble it. As hinted earlier, he read the appearances around him more vividly and critically, and they mostly left him marveling at his aesthetic response. He hadn't realized—and despite Kate's repeated mentions of her own taste rebellions—that he would "mind" so much how an independent woman chose to decorate her home. It was the home's language that communicated with him, outlining for him, in rich and free terms, the associations and ideas, the ideals and possibilities of the mistress. Never, he flattered himself, had he seen anything so collectively ugly—so operationally and ominously cruel. He was pleased to have found this last adjective for its overall character; "cruel" somehow fit with the theme of an article he had in mind. He intended to write about the heavy horrors that could still exist, that raised their unabashed heads, in a time so proud of its directness with false idols; and it would be ironic if what he would glean from Mrs. Lowder turned out to be just a small amount of material. Yet the real issue, the truly dark one, was that, even while contemplating the lively column he might create, he found it easier to fear the heavy horrors than to laugh at them. He couldn't describe and dismiss them as a group, labeling them either Mid-Victorian or Early; he wasn't sure they could even be categorized under one label. It was evident they were magnificent and definitively British. They formed an order and were rich with rare materials—precious woods, metals, fabrics, stones. He had never imagined anything so fringed and scalloped, so buttoned and corded, drawn so tightly everywhere, and so thickly curled. He had never seen so much gold and glass, satin and plush, rosewood and marble and malachite. But it was, above all, the solid shapes, the wasted craftsmanship, the misguided expense, the overall endorsement of morality and wealth, a decent conscience and a hefty bank account. These things ultimately represented for him a significant denial of his own world of thought—of which, in their presence, he became acutely aware for the first time. They revealed it to him by their relentless contrast. His meeting with Aunt Maud, however, did not unfold as he had anticipated. Despite her passionate nature, Mrs. Lowder didn't threaten or plead this time. Her aggressive tactics and defensive strategies were likely close at hand, but she left them untouched and unspoken, and she was, in fact, so pleasant that he only correctly recognized afterwards how skillfully she had handled things. He also realized something else that complicated his situation; he wouldn't have known what to call it if he hadn't named it her almost reckless kindness. Her pleasantness, in other words, was not just strategy—he wasn't significant enough for strategy; it was apparent she genuinely liked him a little. From the moment she felt that way, she became more intriguing; and who knew what might occur if he began to like her? Well, it was a risk he had to take. She challenged him, nonetheless, but with one hand tied behind her back, using only a few loose grains of stray powder. He realized after ten minutes, even without her explaining, that if she had made him wait, it wasn’t to hurt him; by then, they had almost directly acknowledged her intention. She wanted him to think for himself about what she planned to say—not having otherwise revealed it; she intended for it to resonate with him immediately, as she wisely believed it would. Her first question upon appearing had essentially been whether he hadn't caught her hint, and this question assumed so many things that it made the discussion immediately open and expansive. He understood, with the question posed, that the hint was exactly what he had caught; he realized she had made him quickly forgive her display of power; he knew that if he wasn't careful, he would understand her, and the strength of her purpose, not to mention that of her imagination, not to mention the depth of her resources, all too well. Yet he steeled himself with the thought that he wasn’t going to fear understanding her; he was merely going to understand without compromising even the slightest of his feelings. The workings of one's mind could indeed let one in, awfully so, in action, when action was needed, where simplicity was key; but if one couldn’t avoid it, the crucial thing was to complete it. There would never be mistakes if not for the original thrill of mistakes. What he must use his sharp intellect for was to resist. Mrs. Lowder, in the meantime, could use it for whatever she wanted.

It was after she had begun her statement of her own idea about Kate that he began, on his side, to reflect that—with her manner of offering it as really sufficient if he would take the trouble to embrace—it she couldn't half hate him. That was all, positively, she seemed to show herself for the time as attempting; clearly, if she did her intention justice, she would have nothing more disagreeable to do. "If I hadn't been ready to go very much further, you understand, I wouldn't have gone so far. I don't care what you repeat to her—the more you repeat to her, perhaps the better; and, at any rate, there's nothing she doesn't already know. I don't say it for her; I say it for you—when I want to reach my niece I know how to do it straight." So Aunt Maud delivered herself—as with homely benevolence, in the simplest, but the clearest terms; virtually conveying that, though a word to the wise was, doubtless, in spite of the advantage, not always enough, a word to the good could never fail to be. The sense our young man read into her words was that she liked him because he was good—was really, by her measure, good enough: good enough, that is, to give up her niece for her and go his way in peace. But was he good enough—by his own measure? He fairly wondered, while she more fully expressed herself, if it might be his doom to prove so. "She's the finest possible creature—of course you flatter yourself that you know it. But I know it, quite as well as you possibly can—by which I mean a good deal better yet; and the tune to which I'm ready to prove my faith compares favourably enough, I think, with anything you can do. I don't say it because she's my niece—that's nothing to me: I might have had fifty nieces, and I wouldn't have brought one of them to this place if I hadn't found her to my taste. I don't say I wouldn't have done something else, but I wouldn't have put up with her presence. Kate's presence, by good fortune, I marked early; Kate's presence—unluckily for you—is everything I could possibly wish; Kate's presence is, in short, as fine as you know, and I've been keeping it for the comfort of my declining years. I've watched it long; I've been saving it up and letting it, as you say of investments, appreciate, and you may judge whether, now it has begun to pay so, I'm likely to consent to treat for it with any but a high bidder. I can do the best with her, and I've my idea of the best."

It was after she started explaining her own thoughts about Kate that he began to realize that—with the way she presented it as really enough if he was willing to accept it—she couldn’t really hate him. That was all, honestly, she seemed to be trying to convey for the moment; clearly, if she was being true to her intentions, she wouldn’t have anything more unpleasant to say. "If I hadn't been ready to go much further, you see, I wouldn't have come this far. I don’t care what you tell her—the more you tell her, maybe the better; and anyway, there’s nothing she doesn’t already know. I’m not saying this for her; I’m saying it for you—when I want to reach my niece, I know how to do it directly." So Aunt Maud expressed herself—with a straightforward kindness, in the simplest, clearest words; effectively implying that, while a word to the wise is, of course, often not enough, a word to the good can never miss the mark. The understanding our young man took from her words was that she liked him because he was good—was, by her standards, good enough: good enough, that is, to give up her niece for her and move on peacefully. But was he good enough—by his own standards? He couldn’t help but wonder, while she elaborated, if it might be his fate to prove that. "She’s the finest person imaginable—of course you think you know that. But I know it just as well as you possibly could—actually, I mean a lot better; and the commitment to which I’m ready to demonstrate my belief stacks up well enough, I think, against anything you can offer. I’m not saying this just because she’s my niece—that doesn’t matter to me: I could have had fifty nieces, and I wouldn’t have brought any of them here if I hadn’t found her appealing. I’m not saying I wouldn’t have done something else, but I wouldn’t have tolerated her presence. Kate’s presence, thankfully, I noticed early on; Kate’s presence—unfortunately for you—is everything I could possibly wish for; Kate’s presence is, in short, just as wonderful as you know, and I’ve been holding onto it for the comfort of my later years. I’ve watched it closely; I’ve been saving it up and letting it grow, as you might say about investments, and you can imagine whether, now it has started to yield returns, I’m likely to agree to negotiate for it with anyone other than a serious bidder. I can do the best with her, and I have my vision of what that best is."

"Oh, I quite conceive," said Densher, "that your idea of the best isn't me."

"Oh, I totally get it," Densher said, "that your idea of the best isn't me."

It was an oddity of Mrs. Lowder's that her face in speech was like a lighted window at night, but that silence immediately drew the curtain. The occasion for reply allowed by her silence was never easy to take; yet she was still less easy to interrupt. The great glaze of her surface, at all events, gave her visitor no present help. "I didn't ask you to come to hear what it isn't—I asked you to come to hear what it is."

It was unusual for Mrs. Lowder that her face when she spoke was like a lit window at night, but her silence quickly closed the curtain. It was never easy to respond during her silences; yet it was even harder to interrupt her. The shiny surface she presented, in any case, offered her visitor no immediate assistance. "I didn't invite you here to hear what it's not—I invited you here to hear what it is."

"Of course," Densher laughed, "it's very great indeed."

"Of course," Densher laughed, "it's really amazing."

His hostess went on as if his contribution to the subject were barely relevant. "I want to see her high, high up—high up and in the light."

His hostess continued as if his input on the topic hardly mattered. "I want to see her up, up, high—high up and in the light."

"Ah, you naturally want to marry her to a duke, and are eager to smooth away any hitch."

"Ah, you obviously want to marry her off to a duke, and you're keen to iron out any issues."

She gave him so, on this, the mere effect of the drawn blind that it quite forced him, at first, into the sense, possibly just, of having affected her as flippant, perhaps even as low. He had been looked at so, in blighted moments of presumptuous youth, by big cold public men, but never, so far as he could recall, by any private lady. More than anything yet it gave him the measure of his companion's subtlety, and thereby of Kate's possible career. "Don't be too impossible!"—he feared from his friend, for a moment, some such answer as that; and then felt, as she spoke otherwise, as if she were letting him off easily. "I want her to marry a great man." That was all; but, more and more, it was enough; and if it hadn't been her next words would have made it so. "And I think of her what I think. There you are."

She gave him such a look, through the drawn blinds, that it immediately made him feel, perhaps rightly, that he came across as casual, maybe even a bit disrespectful. Big, cold public figures had looked at him like that during his lost moments of arrogant youth, but he couldn't remember ever being looked at like that by a private woman. More than anything, it revealed to him the complexity of his companion and, consequently, Kate's potential future. "Don't be too impossible!"—he worried for a moment that his friend might give an answer like that; then he felt, as she responded differently, that she was being lenient with him. "I want her to marry a great man." That was all; but, increasingly, it was enough; and if it hadn't been for her next words, it would have been. "And I think of her what I think. There you are."

They sat for a little face to face upon it, and he was conscious of something deeper still, of something she wished him to understand if he only would. To that extent she did appeal—appealed to the intelligence she desired to show she believed him to possess. He was meanwhile, at all events, not the man wholly to fail of comprehension. "Of course I'm aware how little I can answer to any fond, proud dream. You've a view—a magnificent one; into which I perfectly enter. I thoroughly understand what I'm not, and I'm much obliged to you for not reminding me of it in any rougher way." She said nothing—she kept that up; it might even have been to let him go further, if he was capable of it, in the way of poorness of spirit. It was one of those cases in which a man couldn't show, if he showed at all, save for poor; unless indeed he preferred to show for asinine. It was the plain truth: he was—on Mrs. Lowder's basis, the only one in question—a very small quantity, and he did know, damnably, what made quantities large. He desired to be perfectly simple; yet in the midst of that effort a deeper apprehension throbbed. Aunt Maud clearly conveyed it, though he couldn't later on have said how. "You don't really matter, I believe, so much as you think, and I'm not going to make you a martyr by banishing you. Your performances with Kate in the Park are ridiculous so far as they're meant as consideration for me; and I had much rather see you myself—since you're, in your way, my dear young man, delightful—and arrange with you, count with you, as I easily, as I perfectly should. Do you suppose me so stupid as to quarrel with you if it's not really necessary? It won't—it would be too absurd!—be necessary. I can bite your head off any day, any day I really open my mouth; and I'm dealing with you now, see—and successfully judge—without opening it. I do things handsomely all round—I place you in the presence of the plan with which, from the moment it's a case of taking you seriously, you're incompatible. Come then as near it as you like, walk all round it—don't be afraid you'll hurt it!—and live on with it before you."

They sat facing each other for a moment, and he felt something deeper, something she wanted him to understand if only he would. To that extent, she did reach out—she appealed to the intelligence she believed he had. He was certainly not the kind of guy who would completely miss it. "Of course, I know how little I can fulfill any fond, proud dream. You have a vision—a magnificent one; one that I completely grasp. I fully understand what I'm not, and I really appreciate you for not reminding me of it in a harsher way." She didn't say anything—she kept that up; it might have even been to encourage him to go further, if he was capable of it, in terms of a lack of spirit. It was one of those situations where a guy couldn't show anything but weakness, unless he wanted to come off as foolish. The plain truth was: he was—based on Mrs. Lowder's perspective, the only one that mattered—a very small presence, and he painfully knew what made someone significant. He wanted to be completely straightforward; yet in the middle of that effort, a deeper understanding pulsed. Aunt Maud clearly communicated it, although he couldn't later articulate how. "You don't really matter as much as you think, and I'm not going to make you a martyr by pushing you away. Your antics with Kate in the Park are silly as far as they're meant to concern me; I'd much rather see you myself—since you're, in your way, my dear young man, charming—and work things out with you, as easily and perfectly as I would. Do you really think I'm so foolish as to fight with you if it's not absolutely necessary? It won't—it would be too ridiculous!—be necessary. I can confront you any day, whenever I choose to speak; and I'm dealing with you now, see—and successfully evaluating—without saying a word. I do things gracefully all around—I put you in front of the plan with which, from the moment it involves taking you seriously, you're incompatible. So come as close as you like, walk all around it—don’t be afraid you'll damage it!—and live with it in front of you."

He afterwards felt that if she hadn't absolutely phrased all this it was because she so soon made him out as going with her far enough. He was so pleasantly affected by her asking no promise of him, her not proposing he should pay for her indulgence by his word of honour not to interfere, that he gave her a kind of general assurance of esteem. Immediately afterwards, then, he spoke of these things to Kate, and what then came back to him first of all was the way he had said to her—he mentioned it to the girl—very much as one of a pair of lovers says in a rupture by mutual consent: "I hope immensely, of course, that you'll always regard me as a friend." This had perhaps been going far—he submitted it all to Kate; but really there had been so much in it that it was to be looked at, as they might say, wholly in its own light. Other things than those we have presented had come up before the close of his scene with Aunt Maud, but this matter of her not treating him as a peril of the first order easily predominated. There was moreover plenty to talk about on the occasion of his subsequent passage with our young woman, it having been put to him abruptly, the night before, that he might give himself a lift and do his newspaper a service—so flatteringly was the case expressed—by going, for fifteen or twenty weeks, to America. The idea of a series of letters from the United States from the strictly social point of view had for some time been nursed in the inner sanctuary at whose door he sat, and the moment was now deemed happy for letting it loose. The imprisoned thought had, in a word, on the opening of the door, flown straight out into Densher's face, or perched at least on his shoulder, making him look up in surprise from his mere inky office-table. His account of the matter to Kate was that he couldn't refuse—not being in a position, as yet, to refuse anything; but that his being chosen for such an errand confounded his sense of proportion. He was definite as to his scarce knowing how to measure the honour, which struck him as equivocal; he had not quite supposed himself the man for the class of job. This confused consciousness, he intimated, he had promptly enough betrayed to his manager; with the effect, however, of seeing the question surprisingly clear up. What it came to was that the sort of twaddle that was not in his chords was, unexpectedly, just what they happened this time not to want. They wanted his letters, for queer reasons, about as good as he could let them come; he was to play his own little tune and not be afraid; that was the whole point.

He later felt that if she hadn't explicitly said all this, it was because she quickly figured out he was on board with her to a certain extent. He was pleasantly surprised that she didn’t ask for any promises from him and didn’t suggest he should pay for her indulgence by promising not to interfere, so he gave her a general assurance of respect. Right after that, he talked about these things with Kate, and what immediately came back to him was how he had told her—he mentioned it to the girl—very much like one half of a couple does during a mutual breakup: "I really hope you’ll always see me as a friend." Perhaps that had been a bit much—he shared it all with Kate; but there was so much in it that it should be considered entirely on its own terms. Other matters had come up before he finished his conversation with Aunt Maud, but this issue of her not treating him as a serious threat stood out. There was also plenty to discuss during his later interaction with the young woman, especially since it had been abruptly suggested to him the night before that he could help himself and do a favor for his newspaper—so flattering was the proposal—by going to America for fifteen or twenty weeks. The idea of a series of letters from the U.S. focused on social issues had been brewing in his mind for a while, and now seemed like the right moment to bring it to life. The concept had, in short, burst forth as soon as the door opened, nearly in Densher’s face, or at least landed on his shoulder, making him look up in surprise from his messy desk. When he explained it to Kate, he said he couldn’t say no—since he wasn’t in a position to refuse anything yet; but being chosen for such a task threw off his sense of priority. He was pretty clear that he hardly knew how to gauge the honor, which seemed ambiguous; he hadn’t really thought of himself as the right person for that kind of job. This confused feeling, he hinted, he quickly revealed to his manager; however, it surprisingly cleared things up. What it boiled down to was that the kind of nonsense that didn’t suit him was, unexpectedly, exactly what they didn’t want this time. They wanted his letters, for some odd reason, just as well as he could write them; he was to do his own thing and not be afraid; that was the bottom line.

It would have been the whole, that is, had there not been a sharper one still in the circumstance that he was to start at once. His mission, as they called it at the office, would probably be over by the end of June, which was desirable; but to bring that about he must now not lose a week; his inquiries, he understood, were to cover the whole ground, and there were reasons of State—reasons operating at the seat of empire in Fleet Street—why the nail should be struck on the head. Densher made no secret to Kate of his having asked for a day to decide; and his account of that matter was that he felt he owed it to her to speak to her first. She assured him on this that nothing so much as that scruple had yet shown her how they were bound together; she was clearly proud of his letting a thing of such importance depend on her; but she was clearer still as to his instant duty. She rejoiced in his prospect and urged him to his task; she should miss him intensely—of course she should miss him; but she made so little of it that she spoke with jubilation of what he would see and would do. She made so much of this last quantity that he laughed at her innocence, though also with scarce the heart to give her the real size of his drop in the daily bucket. He was struck at the same time with her happy grasp of what had really occurred in Fleet Street—all the more that it was his own final reading. He was to pull the subject up—that was just what they wanted; and it would take more than all the United States together, visit them each as he might, to let him down. It was just because he didn't nose about and wasn't the usual gossipmonger that they had picked him out; it was a branch of their correspondence with which they evidently wished a new tone associated, such a tone as, from now on, it would have always to take from his example.

It would have been perfect, except there was still something more pressing: he had to start right away. His mission, as they called it at the office, was likely to wrap up by the end of June, which was a good thing; but to make that happen, he couldn’t afford to lose a week. He knew his inquiries needed to cover everything, and there were government reasons—reasons coming from the heart of the empire in Fleet Street—why the matter had to be addressed correctly. Densher was open with Kate about asking for a day to think it over; he explained that he felt he owed it to her to consult her first. She assured him that nothing had made her feel more connected to him than that consideration; she clearly took pride in the fact that such an important decision depended on her input. But she was even more clear about his immediate obligation. She was excited for what lay ahead and urged him to get to work; of course, she would miss him—she would miss him a lot—but she brushed it off, speaking enthusiastically about what he would see and do. She emphasized this aspect so much that he laughed at her naivety, even though he found it hard to reveal how much he actually felt down about it all. At the same time, he was struck by her bright understanding of what had really happened in Fleet Street—especially since it was his own final interpretation. He was to dig into the subject—that was exactly what they wanted; it would take more than all the United States combined, no matter how many times he visited, to bring him down. They had chosen him precisely because he wasn’t nosy and didn’t spread rumors; they clearly wanted a fresh tone associated with that part of their correspondence, a tone that would have to reflect his example from now on.

"How you ought indeed, when you understand so well, to be a journalist's wife!" Densher exclaimed in admiration, even while she struck him as fairly hurrying him off.

"How you should really be, knowing so much, a journalist's wife!" Densher said with admiration, even as she seemed to be urging him to leave quickly.

But she was almost impatient of the praise. "What do you expect one not to understand when one cares for you?"

But she was almost annoyed by the praise. "What do you expect someone not to understand when they care about you?"

"Ah then, I'll put it otherwise and say 'How much you care for me!'"

"Alright then, let me rephrase that and say 'How much you care about me!'"

"Yes," she assented; "it fairly redeems my stupidity. I shall, with a chance to show it," she added, "have some imagination for you."

"Yes," she agreed; "it really makes up for my foolishness. I will, if given the chance to show it," she added, "have some creativity for you."

She spoke of the future this time as so little contingent, that he felt a queerness of conscience in making her the report that he presently arrived at on what had passed for him with the real arbiter of their destiny. The way for that had been blocked a little by his news from Fleet Street; but in the crucible of their happy discussion this element soon melted into the other, and in the mixture that ensued the parts were not to be distinguished. The young man moreover, before taking his leave, was to see why Kate had just spoken of the future as if they now really possessed it, and was to come to the vision by a devious way that deepened the final cheer. Their faces were turned to the illumined quarter as soon as he had answered her question in respect to the appearance of their being able to play a waiting game with success. It was for the possibility of that appearance that she had, a few days before, so earnestly pressed him to see her aunt; and if after his hour with that lady it had not struck Densher that he had seen her to the happiest purpose the poor facts flushed with a better meaning as Kate, one by one, took them up.

She talked about the future this time as if it was certain, which made him feel uneasy when he had to report on what had happened with the real decision-maker of their fate. His news from Fleet Street had partially blocked the way for that, but in the heat of their joyful conversation, that element quickly blended into the rest, and in the resulting mix, the individual parts were indistinguishable. Before he left, the young man wanted to understand why Kate had just talked about the future as if it was already theirs, and he would arrive at that insight through a roundabout path that made the final outlook even brighter. Their faces turned towards the brightening horizon as soon as he replied to her question about their ability to successfully wait things out. It was the hope of that possibility that she, just a few days earlier, had earnestly urged him to visit her aunt; and if he hadn’t felt that his time with that lady had been truly beneficial, the unfortunate facts took on a more positive light as Kate, one by one, elaborated on them.

"If she consents to your coming, why isn't that everything?"

"If she agrees to you coming, why isn't that all that matters?"

"It is everything; everything she thinks it. It's the probability—I mean as Mrs. Lowder measures probability—that I may be prevented from becoming a complication for her by some arrangement, any arrangement, through which you shall see me often and easily. She's sure of my want of money, and that gives her time. She believes in my having a certain amount of delicacy, in my wishing to better my state before I put the pistol to your head in respect to sharing it. The time that will take figures for her as the time that will help her if she doesn't spoil her chance by treating me badly. She doesn't at all wish moreover," Densher went on, "to treat me badly, for I believe, upon my honour, funny as it may sound to you, that she personally rather likes me, and that if you weren't in question I might almost become her pet young man. She doesn't disparage intellect and culture—quite the contrary; she wants them to adorn her board and be named in her programme; and I'm sure it has sometimes cost her a real pang that I should be so desirable, at once, and so impossible." He paused a moment, and his companion then saw that a strange smile was in his face—a smile as strange even as the adjunct, in her own, of this informing vision. "I quite suspect her of believing that, if the truth were known, she likes me literally better than—deep down—you yourself do: wherefore she does me the honour to think that I may be safely left to kill my own cause. There, as I say, comes in her margin. I'm not the sort of stuff of romance that wears, that washes, that survives use, that resists familiarity. Once in any degree admit that, and your pride and prejudice will take care of the rest! the pride fed full, meanwhile, by the system she means to practise with you, and the prejudice excited by the comparison she'll enable you to make, from which I shall come off badly. She likes me, but she'll never like me so much as when she succeeded a little better in making me look wretched. For then you'll like me less."

"It is everything; everything she thinks it is. It's the probability—I mean as Mrs. Lowder measures probability—that I might be kept from becoming a problem for her through some arrangement, any arrangement, that lets you see me often and easily. She knows I lack money, which gives her time. She believes I have a certain amount of pride, that I want to improve my situation before I put you in a tough spot regarding sharing it. The time it takes figures for her as a chance to help her, as long as she doesn’t ruin her chances by treating me poorly. Besides, she doesn’t want to treat me poorly at all," Densher continued, "because I honestly believe, strange as it may sound to you, that she actually likes me, and if you weren’t involved, I could almost become her favorite young man. She doesn’t dismiss intelligence and culture—quite the opposite; she wants them to enhance her life and be part of her circle; and I’m sure it sometimes pains her that I’m so desirable yet so unattainable." He paused for a moment, and his companion noticed a strange smile on his face—a smile as unusual as the addition of this revealing insight in her own expression. "I have a strong suspicion that she believes, if the truth were out, she likes me literally more than—deep down—you do: which is why she thinks it’s safe to let me ruin my own chances. That’s where her margins come in. I’m not the kind of stuff that’s romantic, that lasts, that endures, that withstands familiarity. Admit that, even a little bit, and your pride and prejudice will take care of the rest! The pride being fully fed by the strategy she intends to use with you, and the prejudice stirred up by the comparison she’ll create, from which I won’t fare well. She likes me, but she’ll never like me as much as when she has a little more success in making me seem miserable. Because then you'll like me less."

Kate showed for this evocation a due interest, but no alarm; and it was a little as if to pay his tender cynicism back in kind that she after an instant replied: "I see, I see; what an immense affair she must think me! One was aware, but you deepen the impression."

Kate showed a proper interest in this situation, but felt no alarm; it was almost as if she wanted to respond to his gentle cynicism in a similar way, and after a moment, she replied: "I see, I see; she must think I'm such a big deal! I was aware of it, but you're really emphasizing that."

"I think you'll make no mistake," said Densher, "in letting it go as deep as it will."

"I believe you won't go wrong," Densher said, "by letting it go as deep as possible."

He had given her indeed, she made no scruple of showing, plenty to consider. "Her facing the music, her making you boldly as welcome as you say—that's an awfully big theory, you know, and worthy of all the other big things that, in one's acquaintance with people, give her a place so apart."

He had definitely given her, as she was unafraid to show, a lot to think about. "Her facing the consequences, her welcoming you just as openly as you say—that’s a really big idea, you know, and it deserves recognition alongside all the other significant traits that, when getting to know people, set her apart."

"Oh, she's grand," the young man conceded; "she's on the scale, altogether, of the car of Juggernaut which was a kind of image that came to me yesterday while I waited for her at Lancaster Gate. The things in your drawing-room there were like the forms of the strange idols, the mystic excrescences, with which one may suppose the front of the car to bristle."

"Oh, she's amazing," the young man admitted; "she's on the same level as the Juggernaut, which was the image that popped into my head yesterday while I waited for her at Lancaster Gate. The things in your living room were like the shapes of those weird idols, the mystical growths, that you might imagine covering the front of the car."

"Yes, aren't they?" the girl returned; and they had, over all that aspect of their wonderful lady, one of those deep and free interchanges that made everything but confidence a false note for them. There were complications, there were questions; but they were so much more together than they were anything else. Kate uttered for a while no word of refutation of Aunt Maud's "big" diplomacy, and they left it there, as they would have left any other fine product, for a monument to her powers. But, Densher related further, he had had in other respects too the car of Juggernaut to face; he omitted nothing from his account of his visit, least of all the way Aunt Maud had frankly at last—though indeed only under artful pressure—fallen foul of his very type, his want of the right marks, his foreign accidents, his queer antecedents. She had told him he was but half a Briton, which, he granted Kate, would have been dreadful if he hadn't so let himself in for it.

"Yes, aren't they?" the girl replied; and they shared, regarding their amazing lady, one of those deep and open exchanges that made anything but trust feel off for them. There were complications and questions; but they were so much more in sync than anything else. Kate didn't say anything to refute Aunt Maud's "big" diplomacy for a while, and they left it at that, as they would have with any other impressive outcome, as a tribute to her skills. But, Densher went on, he had faced struggles in other ways too; he didn't leave anything out of his account of his visit, especially not how Aunt Maud had finally, though only under clever pressure, taken issue with his very type, his lack of the right traits, his unusual background. She had told him he was only half a Briton, which, he admitted to Kate, would have been terrible if he hadn't accepted it so fully.

"I was really curious, you see," he explained, "to find out from her what sort of queer creature, what sort of social anomaly, in the light of such conventions as hers, such an education as mine makes one pass for."

"I was really curious, you know," he explained, "to find out from her what kind of strange person, what kind of social oddity, given her conventions, would be accepted based on my education."

Kate said nothing for a little; but then, "Why should you care?" she asked.

Kate stayed quiet for a moment, then asked, "Why do you care?"

"Oh," he laughed, "I like her so much; and then, for a man of my trade, her views, her spirit, are essentially a thing to get hold of; they belong to the great public mind that we meet at every turn and that we must keep setting up 'codes' with. Besides," he added, "I want to please her personally."

"Oh," he laughed, "I really like her; and for someone in my line of work, her ideas and attitude are definitely something to connect with; they resonate with the broader public mindset we encounter all the time and that we're always trying to establish 'codes' with. Plus," he added, "I want to make her happy personally."

"Ah, yes, we must please her personally!" his companion echoed; and the words may represent all their definite recognition, at the time, of Densher's politic gain. They had in fact between this and his start for New York many matters to handle, and the question he now touched upon came up for Kate above all. She looked at him as if he had really told her aunt more of his immediate personal story than he had ever told herself. That, if it were so, was an accident, and it put him, for half an hour, on as much of the picture of his early years abroad, his migratory parents, his Swiss schools, his German university, as she had easy attention for. A man, he intimated, a man of their world, would have spotted him straight as to many of these points; a man of their world, so far as they had a world, would have been through the English mill. But it was none the less charming to make his confession to a woman; women had, in fact, for such differences, so much more imagination. Kate showed at present all his case could require; when she had had it from beginning to end she declared that she now made out more than ever yet of what she loved him for. She had herself, as a child, lived with some continuity in the world across the Channel, coming home again still a child; and had participated after that, in her teens, in her mother's brief but repeated retreats to Dresden, to Florence, to Biarritz, weak and expensive attempts at economy from which there stuck to her—though in general coldly expressed, through the instinctive avoidance of cheap raptures—the religion of foreign things. When it was revealed to her how many more foreign things were in Merton Densher than he had hitherto taken the trouble to catalogue, she almost faced him as if he were a map of the continent or a handsome present of a delightful new "Murray." He hadn't meant to swagger, he had rather meant to plead, though with Mrs. Lowder he had meant also a little to explain. His father had been, in strange countries, in twenty settlements of the English, British chaplain, resident or occasional, and had had for years the unusual luck of never wanting a billet. His career abroad had therefore been unbroken, and, as his stipend had never been great, he had educated his children at the smallest cost, in the schools nearest; which was also a saving of railway fares. Densher's mother, it further appeared, had practised on her side a distinguished industry, to the success of which—so far as success ever crowned it—this period of exile had much contributed: she copied, patient lady, famous pictures in great museums, having begun with a happy natural gift and taking in betimes the scale of her opportunity. Copyists abroad of course swarmed, but Mrs. Densher had had a sense and a hand of her own, had arrived at a perfection that persuaded, that even deceived, and that made the disposal of her work blissfully usual. Her son, who had lost her, held her image sacred, and the effect of his telling Kate all about her, as well as about other matters until then mixed and dim, was to render his history rich, his sources full, his outline anything but common. He had come round, he had come back, he insisted abundantly, to being a Briton: his Cambridge years, his happy connection, as it had proved, with his father's college, amply certified to that, to say nothing of his subsequent plunge into London, which filled up the measure. But brave enough though his descent to English earth, he had passed, by the way, through zones of air that had left their ruffle on his wings, had been exposed to initiations ineffaceable. Something had happened to him that could never be undone.

"Ah, yes, we have to make her happy personally!" his companion echoed, and their words reflected their clear acknowledgment of Densher's strategic advantage at that moment. Between this and his departure for New York, they had several things to sort out, and the subject he brought up was especially significant for Kate. She looked at him as if he had revealed more of his personal story to her aunt than he ever had to her. If that was the case, it was a coincidence, and for the next half hour, he shared as much of his early life abroad—his itinerant parents, his Swiss schools, his German university—as she could easily pay attention to. He suggested that a man from their social circle would have immediately recognized many of these details; any man from their circle, if they could be said to have one, would have gone through the English system. Still, it was nonetheless appealing to confess to a woman; women, in fact, tended to have much more imagination regarding such nuances. Kate currently showed all the understanding he could need; after hearing his story from start to finish, she said she understood more than ever what she loved him for. As a child, she had lived for some time in the world across the Channel, returning home still a child; later, in her teens, she had joined her mother on brief but frequent trips to Dresden, Florence, and Biarritz—weak and costly attempts at saving that nonetheless left her with, though generally unexpressed, an instinctive appreciation for foreign things. When she realized how many more foreign experiences Merton Densher had than he had bothered to list, she looked at him as if he were a map of the continent or a beautiful edition of a delightful new guidebook. He hadn't intended to boast; he had meant to appeal, although he had also wanted to clarify things for Mrs. Lowder. His father had been a British chaplain in various English settlements in strange countries, either resident or occasional, and had been unusually lucky never to lack a position for years. His time abroad had thus been continuous, and since his salary was never large, he had educated his children at the nearest schools, which also saved on travel expenses. It turned out that Densher’s mother had pursued a distinguished career in her own right, one that this period of exile had greatly helped, even if success was often elusive: she patiently copied famous paintings in great museums, beginning with a natural talent and later taking advantage of her circumstances. There were, of course, many copyists abroad, but Mrs. Densher had a unique sense and skill that reached a level of perfection that persuaded, even deceived viewers, making her work sell effortlessly. Her son, who had lost her, treasured her memory, and sharing all this about her, along with other previously mixed and unclear matters, enriched his history, filled his sources, and made his background anything but ordinary. He had returned, he insisted emphatically, to being a Briton: his years at Cambridge, and his fortunate connection with his father's college, confirmed that, not to mention his later immersion in London, which completed his experience. But despite the boldness of his return to English soil, he had passed through different environments that left their mark on him, and he had undergone experiences that could never be erased. Something had happened to him that could never be undone.

When Kate Croy said to him as much he besought her not to insist, declaring that this indeed was what was too much the matter with him, that he had been but too probably spoiled for native, for insular use. On which, not unnaturally, she insisted the more, assuring him, without mitigation, that if he was complicated and brilliant she wouldn't for the world have had him any thing less; so that he was reduced in the end to accusing her of putting the dreadful truth to him in the hollow guise of flattery. She was making out how abnormal he was in order that she might eventually find him impossible; and, as she could fully make it out but with his aid, she had to bribe him by feigned delight to help her. If her last word for him, in the connection, was that the way he saw himself was just a precious proof the more of his having tasted of the tree and being thereby prepared to assist her to eat, this gives the happy tone of their whole talk, the measure of the flight of time in the near presence of his settled departure. Kate showed, however, that she was to be more literally taken when she spoke of the relief Aunt Maud would draw from the prospect of his absence.

When Kate Croy told him this, he pleaded with her not to push, stating that this was exactly what was wrong with him—that he had probably been spoiled for a normal, everyday life. Naturally, she insisted even more, telling him plainly that if he was complicated and brilliant, she wouldn’t want him to be anything less. In the end, he was left accusing her of presenting the harsh truth in a deceptive way, as if it were flattery. She was highlighting how abnormal he was to eventually find him impossible, and since she could only figure this out with his help, she had to pretend to be delighted to get him to assist her. If her final comment to him in relation to this was that the way he saw himself was just more evidence of him having experienced something more and being ready to help her with it, this sets a bright tone for their entire conversation, marking the passage of time as he was about to leave. However, Kate made it clear that she meant it literally when she mentioned the relief Aunt Maud would feel at the thought of his absence.

"Yet one can scarcely see why," he replied, "when she fears me so little."

"Yet it's hard to understand why," he replied, "when she is so unconcerned about me."

His friend weighed his objection. "Your idea is that she likes you so much that she'll even go so far as to regret losing you?"

His friend considered his objection. "So, you're saying that she likes you so much that she'd actually regret losing you?"

Well, he saw it in their constant comprehensive way. "Since what she builds on is the gradual process of your alienation, she may take the view that the process constantly requires me. Mustn't I be there to keep it going? It's in my exile that it may languish."

Well, he saw it in their constant, all-encompassing way. "Since what she’s building on is the slow process of your alienation, she might think that this process always needs me. Don't I have to be there to keep it alive? It could fall apart in my absence."

He went on with that fantasy, but at this point Kate ceased to attend. He saw after a little that she had been following some thought of her own, and he had been feeling the growth of something determinant even through the extravagance of much of the pleasantry, the warm, transparent irony, into which their livelier intimacy kept plunging like a confident swimmer. Suddenly she said to him with extraordinary beauty: "I engage myself to you for ever."

He kept going with that fantasy, but at this point, Kate stopped paying attention. After a while, he noticed she had been lost in her own thoughts, and he could sense the development of something significant even amid the silliness of a lot of the joking, the warm, clear irony that their playful closeness kept diving into like a confident swimmer. Suddenly, she said to him with incredible beauty, "I commit myself to you forever."

The beauty was in everything, and he could have separated nothing—couldn't have thought of her face as distinct from the whole joy. Yet her face had a new light. "And I pledge you—I call God to witness!—every spark of my faith; I give you every drop of my life." That was all, for the moment, but it was enough, and it was almost as quiet as if it were nothing. They were in the open air, in an alley of the Gardens; the great space, which seemed to arch just then higher and spread wider for them, threw them back into deep concentration. They moved by a common instinct to a spot, within sight, that struck them as fairly sequestered, and there, before their time together was spent, they had extorted from concentration every advance it could make them. They had exchanged vows and tokens, sealed their rich compact, solemnized, so far as breathed words and murmured sounds and lighted eyes and clasped hands could do it, their agreement to belong only, and to belong tremendously, to each other. They were to leave the place accordingly an affianced couple; but before they left it other things still had passed. Densher had declared his horror of bringing to a premature end her happy relation with her aunt; and they had worked round together to a high level of wisdom and patience. Kate's free profession was that she wished not to deprive him of Mrs. Lowder's countenance, which, in the long run, she was convinced he would continue to enjoy; and as, by a blessed turn, Aunt Maud had demanded of him no promise that would tie his hands, they should be able to cultivate their destiny in their own way and yet remain loyal. One difficulty alone stood out, which Densher named.

The beauty was in everything, and he couldn't separate anything—couldn't see her face as separate from the overall joy. Yet her face had a new glow. "And I swear to you—I call God as my witness!—every bit of my faith; I give you every drop of my life." That was all for now, but it was enough, and it felt almost as quiet as if it were nothing. They were outside, in an alley of the Gardens; the vast space seemed to stretch higher and wider for them, pulling them into deep focus. They instinctively moved to a spot nearby that felt somewhat private, and there, before their time together ended, they had drawn every possible insight from their deep focus. They had exchanged vows and tokens, sealed their rich agreement, and, as much as breathed words, soft sounds, bright eyes, and clasped hands could make it real, they committed to belonging solely—and fully—to each other. They were set to leave as an engaged couple; but before they left, other things had happened. Densher expressed his fear of ending her happy relationship with her aunt too soon; and together they had reached a high level of wisdom and patience. Kate openly said that she didn’t want to rob him of Mrs. Lowder's support, which she believed he would continue to have in the long run; and since, by a fortunate twist, Aunt Maud hadn't asked him for any promises that would restrict him, they could shape their future in their own way while still being loyal. Only one challenge stood out, which Densher mentioned.

"Of course it will never do—we must remember that—from the moment you allow her to found hopes of you for any one else in particular. So long as her view is content to remain as general as at present appears, I don't see that we deceive her. At a given moment, you see, she must be undeceived: the only thing therefore is to be ready for the moment and to face it. Only, after all, in that case," the young man observed, "one doesn't quite make out what we shall have got from her."

"Of course, that won't work—we have to remember that—from the moment you let her think she has a chance with you in particular. As long as she thinks things are as vague as they seem now, I don’t think we’re fooling her. Eventually, she has to find out the truth: so we just need to be prepared for that moment and deal with it. But, in that case," the young man noted, "it’s not clear what we’ll actually gain from her."

"What she'll have got from us?" Kate inquired with a smile. "What she'll have got from us," the girl went on, "is her own affair—it's for her to measure. I asked her for nothing," she added; "I never put myself upon her. She must take her risks, and she surely understands them. What we shall have got from her is what we've already spoken of," Kate further explained; "it's that we shall have gained time. And so, for that matter, will she."

"What will she have gotten from us?" Kate asked with a smile. "What she'll have gotten from us," the girl continued, "is her own business—it's up to her to decide. I didn't ask her for anything," she added; "I never relied on her. She has to take her chances, and she definitely knows that. What we will have gotten from her is what we've already discussed," Kate explained further; "it's that we will have gained time. And for that matter, so will she."

Densher gazed a little at all this clearness; his gaze was not at the present hour into romantic obscurity. "Yes; no doubt, in our particular situation, time's everything. And then there's the joy of it."

Densher looked for a moment at all this clarity; his gaze was not, at that moment, lost in romantic darkness. "Yes; no doubt, in our situation, timing is everything. And then there’s the pleasure of it."

She hesitated. "Of our secret?"

She hesitated. "About our secret?"

"Not so much perhaps of our secret in itself, but of what's represented and, as we must somehow feel, protected and made deeper and closer by it." And his fine face, relaxed into happiness, covered her with all his meaning. "Our being as we are."

"Maybe not so much about our secret itself, but about what it represents and, as we must somehow sense, is protected and made deeper and more intimate because of it." And his handsome face, relaxed with happiness, conveyed all his meaning to her. "Our existence as we are."

It was as if for a moment she let the meaning sink into her. "So gone?"

It was like she allowed the meaning to really hit her for a moment. "So it's over?"

"So gone. So extremely gone. However," he smiled, "we shall go a good deal further." Her answer to which was only the softness of her silence—a silence that looked out for them both at the far reach of their prospect. This was immense, and they thus took final possession of it. They were practically united and they were splendidly strong; but there were other things—things they were precisely strong enough to be able successfully to count with and safely to allow for; in consequence of which they would, for the present, subject to some better reason, keep their understanding to themselves. It was not indeed, however, till after one more observation of Densher's that they felt the question completely straightened out. "The only thing of course is that she may any day absolutely put it to you."

"So gone. So completely gone. But," he smiled, "we’re going to go much further." Her response was just the quiet comfort of her silence—a silence that looked out for them both at the far end of their view. This was vast, and they fully embraced it. They were closely connected and incredibly strong; however, there were other factors—things they were just strong enough to successfully consider and safely account for; as a result, for now, they would keep their understanding to themselves until a better reason came along. It wasn't until after one more comment from Densher that they felt the issue was totally clarified. "The only thing, of course, is that she could any day definitely bring it up with you."

Kate considered. "Ask me where, on my honour, we are? She may, naturally; but I doubt if in fact she will. While you're away she'll make the most of it. She'll leave me alone."

Kate thought about it. "She might ask me where we are, on my honor. Of course, she may; but I doubt she actually will. While you’re gone, she’ll take advantage of it. She’ll keep her distance."

"But there'll be my letters."

"But there will be my letters."

The girl faced his letters. "Very, very many?"

The girl looked at his letters. "A lot?"

"Very, very, very many—more than ever; and you know what that is! And then," Densher added, "there'll be yours."

"Way, way, way more than ever; and you know what that means! And then," Densher added, "there will be yours."

"Oh, I shan't leave mine on the hall-table. I shall post them myself."

"Oh, I won't leave mine on the hall table. I'll mail them myself."

He looked at her a moment. "Do you think then I had best address you elsewhere?" After which, before she could quite answer, he added with some emphasis: "I'd rather not, you know. It's straighter."

He looked at her for a moment. "So, do you think I should talk to you somewhere else?" Then, before she could fully respond, he added with some emphasis, "I'd really rather not, you know. It's more direct."

She might again have just waited. "Of course it's straighter. Don't be afraid I shan't be straight. Address me," she continued, "where you like. I shall be proud enough of its being known you write to me."

She could have just waited again. "Of course it's more straightforward. Don't worry, I won't be anything but honest. Talk to me," she continued, "however you want. I'll be proud enough that people know you write to me."

He turned it over for the last clearness. "Even at the risk of its really bringing down the inquisition?"

He flipped it over for one last look. "Even if it really means facing the inquisition?"

Well, the last clearness now filled her. "I'm not afraid of the inquisition. If she asks if there's anything definite between us, I know perfectly what I shall say."

Well, the last clarity now filled her. "I'm not afraid of the questioning. If she asks if there's anything real between us, I know exactly what I will say."

"That I am, of course, 'gone' for you?"

"That I am, of course, 'gone' for you?"

"That I love you as I shall never in my life love any one else, and that she can make what she likes of that." She said it out so splendidly that it was like a new profession of faith, the fulness of a tide breaking through; and the effect of that, in turn, was to make her companion meet her with such eyes that she had time again before he could otherwise speak. "Besides, she's just as likely to ask you."

"That I love you like I will never love anyone else in my life, and she can interpret that however she wants." She expressed it so beautifully that it felt like a fresh declaration of faith, like a wave crashing in; and because of that, her companion looked at her in such a way that she had time once more before he could respond. "Besides, she's just as likely to ask you."

"Not while I'm away."

"Not while I’m gone."

"Then when you come back."

"Then when you return."

"Well then," said Densher, "we shall have had our particular joy. But what I feel is," he candidly added, "that, by an idea of her own, her superior policy, she won't ask me. She'll let me off. I shan't have to lie to her."

"Alright then," Densher said, "we will have had our special moment. But what I honestly feel is," he added frankly, "that, based on her own thinking and her better judgment, she won't ask me. She'll give me a pass. I won't have to lie to her."

"It will be left all to me?" asked Kate.

"It will all be my responsibility?" asked Kate.

"All to you!" he tenderly laughed.

"All for you!" he said with a warm laugh.

But it was, oddly, the very next moment as if he had perhaps been a shade too candid. His discrimination seemed to mark a possible, a natural reality, a reality not wholly disallowed by the account the girl had just given of her own intention. There was a difference in the air—even if none other than the supposedly usual difference in truth between man and woman; and it was almost as if the sense of this provoked her. She seemed to cast about an instant, and then she went back a little resentfully to something she had suffered to pass a minute before. She appeared to take up rather more seriously than she need the joke about her freedom to deceive. Yet she did this too in a beautiful way. "Men are too stupid—even you. You didn't understand just now why, if I post my letters myself, it won't be for any thing so vulgar as to hide them."

But oddly enough, just at that moment, it felt like he might have been a bit too honest. His insight seemed to highlight a possible, natural truth—one not entirely dismissed by the story the girl had just shared about her own intentions. There was a tension in the air—even if it was just the usual divide in truth between men and women; and it was almost as if this awareness irritated her. She paused for a moment, then somewhat resentfully returned to something she had let slip just a minute ago. She seemed to take the joke about her freedom to deceive a bit too seriously. Still, she did so in an elegant way. "Men are so dense—even you. You didn't get why, if I mail my own letters, it's not for anything as crude as trying to hide them."

"Oh, you said—for the pleasure."

"Oh, you said—for fun."

"Yes; but you didn't, you don't understand what the pleasure may be. There are refinements——!" she more patiently dropped. "I mean of consciousness, of sensation, of appreciation," she went on. "No," she sadly insisted—"men don't know. They know, in such matters, almost nothing but what women show them."

"Yes, but you didn't and you don't get what the pleasure can be. There are subtleties—!" she said, calming down. "I mean in terms of awareness, feeling, and appreciation," she continued. "No," she insisted sadly—"men really don't know. In these matters, they understand almost nothing beyond what women reveal to them."

This was one of the speeches, frequent in her, that, liberally, joyfully, intensely adopted and, in itself, as might be, embraced, drew him again as close to her, and held him as long, as their conditions permitted. "Then that's exactly why we've such an abysmal need of you!"

This was one of those speeches she often gave, full of enthusiasm, and in the moment, it wrapped around him, pulling him as close to her as their situation allowed. "So that's exactly why we need you so badly!"



BOOK THIRD


V


The two ladies who, in advance of the Swiss season, had been warned that their design was unconsidered, that the passes would not be clear, nor the air mild, nor the inns open—the two ladies who, characteristically, had braved a good deal of possibly interested remonstrance were finding themselves, as their adventure turned out, wonderfully sustained. It was the judgment of the head-waiters and other functionaries on the Italian lakes that approved itself now as interested; they themselves had been conscious of impatiences, of bolder dreams—at least the younger had; so that one of the things they made out together—making out as they did an endless variety—was that in those operatic palaces of the Villa d'Este, of Cadenabbia, of Pallanza and Stresa, lone women, however reinforced by a travelling-library of instructive volumes, were apt to be beguiled and undone. Their flights of fancy moreover had been modest; they had for instance risked nothing vital in hoping to make their way by the Brünig. They were making it in fact happily enough as we meet them, and were only wishing that, for the wondrous beauty of the early high-climbing spring, it might have been longer and the places to pause and rest more numerous.

The two ladies who, ahead of the Swiss season, had been warned that their plans were not well thought out, that the passes might not be clear, the weather not mild, and the inns closed—the two ladies who, typically, had ignored a fair amount of possibly self-serving objections, were finding themselves, as their adventure unfolded, surprisingly supported. It was the opinion of the head-waiters and other staff at the Italian lakes that now seemed to have a vested interest; they themselves had sensed some impatience and bolder aspirations—at least the younger one had; so that one of the things they figured out together—discovering as they did a never-ending variety—was that in those grand hotels of the Villa d'Este, Cadenabbia, Pallanza, and Stresa, solitary women, no matter how much they bolstered themselves with a traveling library of enlightening books, were likely to be charmed and undone. Their dreams had also been modest; for instance, they hadn't taken any significant risks in hoping to travel via the Brünig. They were, in fact, getting along just fine as we meet them, and were only wishing that, for the stunning beauty of the early spring, it could have lasted longer and that there would have been more places to stop and rest.

Such at least had been the intimated attitude of Mrs. Stringham, the elder of the companions, who had her own view of the impatiences of the younger, to which, however, she offered an opposition but of the most circuitous. She moved, the admirable Mrs. Stringham, in a fine cloud of observation and suspicion; she was in the position, as she believed, of knowing much more about Milly Theale than Milly herself knew, and yet of having to darken her knowledge as well as make it active. The woman in the world least formed by nature, as she was quite aware, for duplicities and labyrinths, she found herself dedicated to personal subtlety by a new set of circumstances, above all by a new personal relation; had now in fact to recognise that an education in the occult—she could scarce say what to call it—had begun for her the day she left New York with Mildred. She had come on from Boston for that purpose; had seen little of the girl—or rather had seen her but briefly, for Mrs. Stringham, when she saw anything at all, saw much, saw everything—before accepting her proposal; and had accordingly placed herself, by her act, in a boat that she more and more estimated as, humanly speaking, of the biggest, though likewise, no doubt, in many ways, by reason of its size, of the safest. In Boston, the winter before, the young lady in whom we are interested had, on the spot, deeply, yet almost tacitly, appealed to her, dropped into her mind the shy conceit of some assistance, some devotion to render. Mrs. Stringham's little life had often been visited by shy conceits—secret dreams that had fluttered their hour between its narrow walls without, for any great part, so much as mustering courage to look out of its rather dim windows. But this imagination—the fancy of a possible link with the remarkable young thing from New York—had mustered courage: had perched, on the instant, at the clearest look-out it could find, and might be said to have remained there till, only a few months later, it had caught, in surprise and joy, the unmistakable flash of a signal.

Such had been the hinted attitude of Mrs. Stringham, the older of the two friends, who had her own take on the younger one's restlessness. However, she opposed it in the most roundabout way. The admirable Mrs. Stringham moved through a haze of observation and suspicion; she believed she knew much more about Milly Theale than Milly herself did, yet she had to keep that knowledge shadowy while also putting it to use. She recognized that she was the least naturally suited for deceit and complexities, yet circumstances, especially a new personal connection, required her to engage in personal subtleties. In fact, she now had to acknowledge that her education in the hidden—though she could barely define it—had begun the moment she left New York with Mildred. She had come from Boston specifically for this; she had seen little of the girl—or rather, had only briefly glimpsed her, since when Mrs. Stringham noticed anything at all, she noticed it all—before agreeing to her proposal. By doing so, she had placed herself in a situation that she increasingly viewed as one of the biggest, and yet, due to its size, also one of the safest. The winter before in Boston, the young lady we are discussing had subtly yet deeply appealed to her, leaving a quiet suggestion of some kind of help or devotion to offer. Mrs. Stringham’s little life had often been touched by timid notions—secret dreams that had flitted around her narrow existence without ever gathering enough courage to peek out of its somewhat shadowy windows. But this idea—the thought of a potential connection with the remarkable young woman from New York—had mustered that courage: it had settled instantly at the best vantage point it could find and had stayed there until, just a few months later, it had caught, in surprise and joy, the unmistakable signal flash.

Milly Theale had Boston friends, such as they were, and of recent making; and it was understood that her visit to them—a visit that was not to be meagre—had been undertaken, after a series of bereavements, in the interest of the particular peace that New York could not give. It was recognised, liberally enough, that there were many things—perhaps even too many—New York could give; but this was felt to make no difference in the constant fact that what you had most to do, under the discipline of life, or of death, was really to feel your situation as grave. Boston could help you to that as nothing else could, and it had extended to Milly, by every presumption, some such measure of assistance. Mrs. Stringham was never to forget—for the moment had not faded, nor the infinitely fine vibration it set up in any degree ceased—her own first sight of the striking apparition, then unheralded and unexplained: the slim, constantly pale, delicately haggard, anomalously, agreeably angular young person, of not more than two-and-twenty in spite of her marks, whose hair was some how exceptionally red even for the real thing, which it innocently confessed to being, and whose clothes were remarkably black even for robes of mourning, which was the meaning they expressed. It was New York mourning, it was New York hair, it was a New York history, confused as yet, but multitudinous, of the loss of parents, brothers, sisters, almost every human appendage, all on a scale and with a sweep that had required the greater stage; it was a New York legend of affecting, of romantic isolation, and, beyond everything, it was by most accounts, in respect to the mass of money so piled on the girl's back, a set of New York possibilities. She was alone, she was stricken, she was rich, and, in particular, she was strange—a combination in itself of a nature to engage Mrs. Stringham's attention. But it was the strangeness that most determined our good lady's sympathy, convinced as she was that it was much greater than any one else—any one but the sole Susan Stringham—supposed. Susan privately settled it that Boston was not in the least seeing her, was only occupied with her seeing Boston, and that any assumed affinity between the two characters was delusive and vain. She was seeing her, and she had quite the deepest moment of her life in now obeying the instinct to conceal the vision. She couldn't explain it—no one would understand. They would say clever Boston things—Mrs. Stringham was from Burlington, Vermont, which she boldly upheld as the real heart of New England, Boston being "too far south"—but they would only darken counsel.

Milly Theale had friends in Boston, such as they were, and they were new acquaintances; it was understood that her visit to them—one that was meant to be anything but dull—was taken after a series of losses, to find the kind of peace that New York couldn’t provide. It was generally accepted that there were many things—perhaps even too many—that New York could provide; but this didn’t change the fact that what you had to focus on, in the face of life or death, was to genuinely recognize how serious your situation was. Boston could help with that like nothing else could, and it had, in every reasonable assumption, offered Milly some degree of support. Mrs. Stringham would never forget—because the moment was still fresh, and the incredibly subtle energy it created had not diminished in any way—her first impression of the striking figure, then unannounced and unexplained: the slender, often pale, delicately worn, oddly yet attractively angular young woman, no more than twenty-two despite her experiences, with hair that was remarkably red even for the real thing, which it unpretentiously claimed to be, and clothes that were exceptionally black even for mourning attire, which was what they signified. It was New York mourning, it was New York hair, it was a New York story, still confusing but vast, filled with the loss of parents, siblings, and almost every human connection, all on a scale and with a breadth that demanded a larger stage; it was a New York tale of touching, romantic solitude, and, above all, by most accounts, considering the mountain of wealth that surrounded the girl, a variety of New York possibilities. She was alone, she was grieving, she was wealthy, and, especially, she was unusual—a combination that naturally drew Mrs. Stringham's interest. But it was the strangeness that predominantly shaped the good lady's sympathy, as she was convinced it was far more significant than anyone else—anyone but Susan Stringham—realized. Susan privately concluded that Boston wasn’t really noticing her, but was only focused on her observing Boston, and that any supposed connection between the two was misleading and pointless. She was seeing her, and she had the most profound moment of her life in following her instinct to hide that vision. She couldn’t explain it—no one would understand. They would utter smart Boston comments—Mrs. Stringham hailed from Burlington, Vermont, which she proudly promoted as the true heart of New England, claiming Boston was "too far south"—but that would only muddle matters further.

There could be no better proof, than this quick intellectual split, of the impression made on our friend, who shone, herself, she was well aware, with but the reflected light of the admirable city. She too had had her discipline, but it had not made her striking; it had been prosaically usual, though doubtless a decent dose; and had only made her usual to match it—usual, that is, as Boston went. She had lost first her husband, and then her mother, with whom, on her husband's death, she had lived again; so that now, childless, she was but more sharply single than before. But she sat rather coldly light, having, as she called it, enough to live on—so far, that is, as she lived by bread alone: how little indeed she was regularly content with that diet appeared from the name she had made—Susan Shepherd Stringham—as a contributor to the best magazines. She wrote short stories, and she fondly believed she had her "note," the art of showing New England without showing it wholly in the kitchen. She had not herself been brought up in the kitchen; she knew others who had not; and to speak for them had thus become with her a literary mission. To be in truth literary had ever been her dearest thought, the thought that kept her bright little nippers perpetually in position. There were masters, models, celebrities, mainly foreign, whom she finely accounted so and in whose light she ingeniously laboured; there were others whom, however chattered about, she ranked with the inane, for she was full of discrimination; but all categories failed her—they ceased at least to signify—as soon as she found herself in presence of the real thing, the romantic life itself. That was what she saw in Mildred—what positively made her hand a while tremble too much for the pen. She had had, it seemed to her, a revelation—such as even New England refined and grammatical couldn't give; and, all made up as she was of small neat memories and ingenuities, little industries and ambitions, mixed with something moral, personal, that was still more intensely responsive, she felt her new friend would have done her an ill turn if their friendship shouldn't develop, and yet that nothing would be left of anything else if it should. It was for the surrender of everything else that she was, however, quite prepared, and while she went about her usual Boston business with her usual Boston probity she was really all the while holding herself. She wore her "handsome" felt hat, so Tyrolese, yet some how, though feathered from the eagle's wing, so truly domestic, with the same straightness and security; she attached her fur boa with the same honest precautions; she preserved her balance on the ice-slopes with the same practised skill; she opened, each evening, her "Transcript" with the same interfusion of suspense and resignation; she attended her almost daily concert with the same expenditure of patience and the same economy of passion; she flitted in and out of the Public Library with the air of conscientiously returning or bravely carrying off in her pocket the key of knowledge itself; and finally—it was what she most did—she watched the thin trickle of a fictive "love-interest" through that somewhat serpentine channel, in the magazines, which she mainly managed to keep clear for it. But the real thing, all the while, was elsewhere; the real thing had gone back to New York, leaving behind it the two unsolved questions, quite distinct, of why it was real, and whether she should ever be so near it again.

There could be no better proof than this quick mental shift of the impact made on our friend, who knew very well that she only shone with the reflected light of the impressive city. She had also been through her own struggles, but they hadn’t made her stand out; they had been pretty ordinary experiences, though undoubtedly a fair amount; and they had only made her typical to fit in—typical, that is, as Boston went. She had first lost her husband, and then her mother, with whom she had moved back in after her husband's death; so now, with no children, she felt even more profoundly alone than before. But she maintained a somewhat detached demeanor, claiming she had enough to live on—at least as far as living on bread alone goes: how little she was truly satisfied with that diet was evident from the reputation she had built—Susan Shepherd Stringham—as a contributor to the best magazines. She wrote short stories, and she fondly believed she had her own “voice,” the skill of portraying New England without completely focusing on the domestic side of life. She herself hadn’t been raised in the kitchen; she knew others who hadn't been either; and advocating for them had thus become a literary mission for her. To truly be literary had always been her greatest aspiration, the thought that kept her bright little ambitions constantly in check. There were influential figures, role models, celebrities, mostly from abroad, whom she admired and worked passionately under their influence; there were others whom, despite their chatter, she considered trivial, as she had a discerning eye; but all categories fell short—at least they lost their meaning—when she found herself in the presence of the real deal, the romantic life itself. That was what she saw in Mildred—what actually made her hand tremble too much to write. She felt she had experienced a revelation—something even New England's refined and precise culture couldn’t offer; and, filled as she was with neat memories and clever ideas, small projects and ambitions, mixed with something personal and moral that was even more intensely alive, she sensed her new friend would be doing her a disservice if their friendship didn’t grow, and yet that nothing else would matter if it did. It was for giving up everything else that she was completely prepared, and while she went about her usual Boston routine with her standard honesty, she was really holding herself back. She wore her “stylish” felt hat, so Tyrolean, yet somehow, though adorned with feathers from an eagle’s wing, so undeniably domestic, with the same straightness and assurance; she fastened her fur boa with the same careful attention; she maintained her balance on the ice with practiced skill; she opened, each evening, her “Transcript” with a mix of anticipation and acceptance; she attended her almost daily concert with the same patience and restrained enthusiasm; she moved in and out of the Public Library as if she was either conscientiously returning or bravely pocketing the key to knowledge itself; and lastly—it was what she spent most of her time doing—she watched the thin trickle of a fictional “love-interest” flow through that somewhat winding channel in the magazines, which she mainly managed to keep clear just for it. But the real deal, all along, was somewhere else; the real deal had gone back to New York, leaving behind two unresolved questions: why it was real, and whether she would ever be that close to it again.

For the figure to which these questions attached themselves she had found a convenient description—she thought of it for herself, always, as that of a girl with a background. The great reality was in the fact that, very soon, after but two or three meetings, the girl with the background, the girl with the crown of old gold and the mourning that was not as the mourning of Boston, but at once more rebellious in its gloom and more frivolous in its frills, had told her she had never seen any one like her. They had met thus as opposed curiosities, and that simple remark of Milly's—if simple it was—became the most important thing that had ever happened to her; it deprived the love-interest, for the time, of actuality and even of pertinence; it moved her first, in short, in a high degree, to gratitude, and then to no small compassion. Yet in respect to this relation at least it was what did prove the key of knowledge; it lighted up as nothing else could do the poor young woman's history. That the potential heiress of all the ages should never have seen any one like a mere typical subscriber, after all, to the "Transcript" was a truth that—in especial as announced with modesty, with humility, with regret—described a situation. It laid upon the elder woman, as to the void to be filled, a weight of responsibility; but in particular it led her to ask whom poor Mildred had then seen, and what range of contacts it had taken to produce such queer surprises. That was really the inquiry that had ended by clearing the air: the key of knowledge was felt to click in the lock from the moment it flashed upon Mrs. Stringham that her friend had been starved for culture. Culture was what she herself represented for her, and it was living up to that principle that would surely prove the great business. She knew, the clever lady, what the principle itself represented, and the limits of her own store; and a certain alarm would have grown upon her if something else hadn't grown faster.

For the person to whom these questions were directed, she had come up with a fitting description—she always thought of her as the girl with a background. The real issue was that, quite quickly, after just a couple of meetings, the girl with the background, the girl wearing an old gold crown and mourning that was different from Boston's, more rebellious in its sadness and more playful in its decorations, had told her she had never seen anyone like her. They met as curious contrasts, and that simple comment from Milly—if it could be called simple—became the most significant thing that had ever happened to her; it temporarily removed the reality and relevance of romantic interest; it initially filled her with gratitude, and then later with a significant amount of compassion. Yet regarding this relationship, at least, it proved to be the key to understanding; it illuminated the poor young woman's story in a way nothing else could. The fact that a potential heiress from ages past had never encountered a typical subscriber to the "Transcript" was a truth that—especially stated with modesty, humility, and regret—defined a situation. It placed a heavy responsibility on the older woman regarding the emptiness to be addressed; but more importantly, it made her wonder who poor Mildred had seen, and what kind of connections would lead to such strange surprises. That was really the question that ultimately cleared the air: the key to understanding clicked into place the moment it dawned on Mrs. Stringham that her friend had been deprived of culture. Culture was what she represented to her, and fulfilling that principle would undoubtedly be the key task. She knew, the clever lady, what the principle entailed and the limits of her own knowledge; and a certain anxiety would have arisen if something else hadn't developed even more quickly.

This was, fortunately for her—and we give it in her own words—the sense of a harrowing pathos. That, primarily, was what appealed to her, what seemed to open the door of romance for her still wider than any, than a still more reckless, connection with the "picture-papers." For such was essentially the point: it was rich, romantic, abysmal, to have, as was evident, thousands and thousands a year, to have youth and intelligence and if not beauty, at least, in equal measure, a high, dim, charming, ambiguous oddity, which was even better, and then on top of all to enjoy boundless freedom, the freedom of the wind in the desert—it was unspeakably touching to be so equipped and yet to have been reduced by fortune to little humble-minded mistakes.

This was, luckily for her—and we present it in her own words—the sense of a deep sadness. That, mainly, was what attracted her, what seemed to open the door to romance for her even wider than any, than a much bolder, connection with the "tabloids." For that was essentially the point: it was rich, romantic, and profound, to have, as was clear, thousands and thousands a year, to have youth and intelligence and if not beauty, at least, in equal measure, a high, vague, charming, ambiguous uniqueness, which was even better, and then on top of all to enjoy limitless freedom, the freedom of the wind in the desert—it was unbelievably touching to be so equipped and yet to have been brought down by fate to a few humble-minded mistakes.

It brought our friend's imagination back again to New York, where aberrations were so possible in the intellectual sphere, and it in fact caused a visit she presently paid there to overflow with interest. As Milly had beautifully invited her, so she would hold out if she could against the strain of so much confidence in her mind; and the remarkable thing was that even at the end of three weeks she had held out. But by this time her mind had grown comparatively bold and free; it was dealing with new quantities, a different proportion altogether—and that had made for refreshment: she had accordingly gone home in convenient possession of her subject. New York was vast, New York was startling, with strange histories, with wild cosmopolite backward generations that accounted for anything; and to have got nearer the luxuriant tribe of which the rare creature was the final flower, the immense, extravagant, unregulated cluster, with free-living ancestors, handsome dead cousins, lurid uncles, beautiful vanished aunts, persons all busts and curls, preserved, though so exposed, in the marble of famous French chisels—all this, to say nothing of the effect of closer growths of the stem, was to have had one's small world-space both crowded and enlarged. Our couple had at all events effected an exchange; the elder friend had been as consciously intellectual as possible, and the younger, abounding in personal revelation, had been as unconsciously distinguished. This was poetry—it was also history—Mrs. Stringham thought, to a finer tune even than Maeterlink and Pater, than Marbot and Gregorovius. She appointed occasions for the reading of these authors with her hostess, rather perhaps than actually achieved great spans; but what they managed and what they missed speedily sank for her into the dim depths of the merely relative, so quickly, so strongly had she clutched her central clue. All her scruples and hesitations, all her anxious enthusiasms, had reduced themselves to a single alarm—the fear that she really might act on her companion clumsily and coarsely. She was positively afraid of what she might do to her, and to avoid that, to avoid it with piety and passion, to do, rather, nothing at all, to leave her untouched because no touch one could apply, however light, however just, however earnest and anxious, would be half good enough, would be anything but an ugly smutch upon perfection—this now imposed itself as a consistent, an inspiring thought.

It brought our friend's imagination back to New York, where such strange possibilities existed in the intellectual realm, and it actually made her upcoming visit there full of excitement. Just as Milly had beautifully invited her, she would try to cope with the pressure of so much confidence weighing on her mind; and the amazing thing was that even after three weeks, she had managed to do so. By then, her mind had become relatively bold and free; it was navigating through new ideas, a completely different perspective—and that had been refreshing: she returned home with a solid understanding of her topic. New York was enormous, New York was astonishing, filled with bizarre stories, with wild, worldly ancestors that explained everything; and getting closer to the vibrant group from which this rare gem had blossomed—the massive, extravagant, unrestrained collection, with free-spirited ancestors, handsome deceased cousins, wild uncles, beautiful lost aunts, all captured, despite being so exposed, in the marble of renowned French sculptors—all this, not to mention the effect of observing the core more closely, had crowded and expanded her small world. Our duo had managed to exchange experiences; the older friend had been as consciously intellectual as possible, while the younger one, rich in personal insights, had been unconsciously distinguished. This was poetry—it was also history—Mrs. Stringham thought, even finer than Maeterlinck and Pater, Marbot and Gregorovius. She scheduled times to read these authors with her host, perhaps more than actually covering extensive topics; but what they achieved and what they missed quickly faded for her into the distant background of the relatively trivial, so swiftly, so powerfully had she grasped her central insight. All her doubts and hesitations, all her worried enthusiasms, had boiled down to a single worry—the fear that she might accidentally come across clumsily and roughly to her companion. She was genuinely afraid of what she might do to her, and to avoid that, to prevent it with care and passion, to do, in fact, nothing at all, to leave her untouched since any action, no matter how light, fair, sincere, and anxious, would fall short of being good enough and would merely leave a blemish on perfection—this now took hold of her as a consistent, inspiring thought.

Less than a month after the event that had so determined Mrs. Stringham's attitude—close upon the heels, that is, of her return from New York—she was reached by a proposal that brought up for her the kind of question her delicacy might have to contend with. Would she start for Europe with her young friend at the earliest possible date, and should she be willing to do so without making conditions? The inquiry was launched by wire; explanations, in sufficiency, were promised; extreme urgency was suggested, and a general surrender invited. It was to the honour of her sincerity that she made the surrender on the spot, though it was not perhaps altogether to that of her logic. She had wanted, very consciously, from the first, to give something up for her new acquaintance, but she had now no doubt that she was practically giving up all. What settled this was the fulness of a particular impression, the impression that had throughout more and more supported her and which she would have uttered so far as she might by saying that the charm of the creature was positively in the creature's greatness. She would have been content so to leave it; unless indeed she had said, more familiarly, that Mildred was the biggest impression of her life. That was at all events the biggest account of her, and none but a big, clearly, would do. Her situation, as such things were called, was on the grand scale; but it still was not that. It was her nature, once for all—a nature that reminded Mrs. Stringham of the term always used in the newspapers about the great new steamers, the inordinate number of "feet of water" they drew; so that if, in your little boat, you had chosen to hover and approach, you had but yourself to thank, when once motion was started, for the way the draught pulled you. Milly drew the feet of water, and odd though it might seem that a lonely girl, who was not robust and who hated sound and show, should stir the stream like a leviathan, her companion floated off with the sense of rocking violently at her side. More than prepared, however, for that excitement, Mrs. Stringham mainly failed of ease in respect to her own consistency. To attach herself for an indefinite time seemed a roundabout way of holding her hands off. If she wished to be sure of neither touching nor smutching, the straighter plan would doubtless have been not to keep her friend within reach. This in fact she fully recognised, and with it the degree to which she desired that the girl should lead her life, a life certain to be so much finer than that of anybody else. The difficulty, however, by good fortune, cleared away as soon as she had further recognised, as she was speedily able to do, that she, Susan Shepherd—the name with which Milly for the most part amused herself—was not anybody else. She had renounced that character; she had now no life to lead; and she honestly believed that she was thus supremely equipped for leading Milly's own. No other person whatever, she was sure, had to an equal degree this qualification, and it was really to assert it that she fondly embarked.

Less than a month after the event that had significantly shaped Mrs. Stringham's feelings—right after she got back from New York—she received a proposal that raised questions her sensitivity might have trouble with. Would she depart for Europe with her young friend as soon as possible, and would she be willing to do so without setting any conditions? The request came via telegram; ample explanations were promised; a sense of urgency was emphasized, and an invitation to yield was extended. It spoke to her sincerity that she agreed right away, even if it wasn't entirely logical. She had consciously wanted to give something up for her new friend since the beginning, but she now realized she was practically giving up everything. What solidified this was the intensity of a particular feeling—the feeling that had increasingly supported her and that she might have expressed by saying that the allure of the girl lay in her remarkable nature. She would have been happy to leave it at that, unless she had put it more casually by saying that Mildred was the most significant impression of her life. That was, in any case, the biggest description of her, and only a truly remarkable person would suffice. Her situation, as people called it, was on a grand scale; yet it still wasn’t that. It was her essence, once and for all—a quality that reminded Mrs. Stringham of the term always used in the news about the large new ships, the excessive number of "feet of water" they required; so that if, in your small boat, you chose to linger and approach, you had only yourself to blame, once motion began, for how the current pulled you. Milly drew the feet of water, and while it might seem strange that a solitary girl, who wasn't strong and who disliked noise and spectacle, could create a stir like a giant, her companion felt like she was being rocked violently at her side. However, Mrs. Stringham, well-prepared for that thrill, mainly struggled with her own consistency. Committing herself for an indefinite time seemed like a roundabout way to keep her distance. If she wanted to be sure of not getting too close or smudging things, a more straightforward approach would definitely have been to keep her friend at a distance. This, in fact, she fully recognized, along with the extent to which she wanted the girl to lead her life, a life sure to be much better than anyone else's. Fortunately, the difficulty cleared up as soon as she recognized, which she was quick to do, that she, Susan Shepherd—the name that Milly often used to play around—was not anyone else. She had given up that role; she now had no life of her own; and she honestly believed that she was thus perfectly prepared to lead Milly's life. No one else, she was certain, had this qualification to the same degree, and it was really to affirm this that she eagerly set out.

Many things, though not in many weeks, had come and gone since then, and one of the best of them, doubtless, had been the voyage itself, by the happy southern course, to the succession of Mediterranean ports, with the dazzled wind-up at Naples. Two or three others had preceded this; incidents, indeed rather lively marks, of their last fortnight at home, and one of which had determined on Mrs. Stringham's part a rush to New York, forty-eight breathless hours there, previous to her final rally. But the great sustained sea-light had drunk up the rest of the picture, so that for many days other questions and other possibilities sounded with as little effect as a trio of penny whistles might sound in a Wagner overture. It was the Wagner overture that practically prevailed, up through Italy, where Milly had already been, still further up and across the Alps, which were also partly known to Mrs. Stringham; only perhaps "taken" to a time not wholly congruous, hurried in fact on account of the girl's high restlessness. She had been expected, she had frankly promised, to be restless—that was partly why she was "great"—or was a consequence, at any rate, if not a cause; yet she had not perhaps altogether announced herself as straining so hard at the cord. It was familiar, it was beautiful to Mrs. Stringham that she had arrears to make up, the chances that had lapsed for her through the wanton ways of forefathers fond of Paris, but not of its higher sides, and fond almost of nothing else; but the vagueness, the openness, the eagerness without point and the interest without pause—all a part of the charm of her oddity as at first presented—had become more striking in proportion as they triumphed over movement and change. She had arts and idiosyncrasies of which no great account could have been given, but which were a daily grace if you lived with them; such as the art of being almost tragically impatient and yet making it as light as air; of being inexplicably sad and yet making it as clear as noon; of being unmistakably gay, and yet making it as soft as dusk. Mrs. Stringham by this time understood everything, was more than ever confirmed in wonder and admiration, in her view that it was life enough simply to feel her companion's feelings; but there were special keys she had not yet added to her bunch, impressions that, of a sudden, were apt to affect her as new.

Many things, though not in many weeks, had come and gone since then, and one of the best of them, undoubtedly, had been the voyage itself, with its pleasant southern route to a series of Mediterranean ports, culminating in the breathtaking experience in Naples. Two or three other events had occurred before this; lively moments marking their last two weeks at home, one of which prompted Mrs. Stringham to make a quick trip to New York, spending forty-eight frantic hours there before her final return. But the overwhelming beauty of the sea had overshadowed the rest of the memories, so that for many days, other questions and possibilities felt as insignificant as a trio of penny whistles in a Wagner overture. It was that Wagner overture that prevailed as they traveled through Italy, where Milly had already been, continuing further up and across the Alps, which Mrs. Stringham also knew, though perhaps it was more from a past time, hurried along because of the girl’s intense restlessness. She had been expected, she had openly promised to be restless—that was partly why she was “great”—or at least it was a consequence, if not the cause; still, she may not have fully shown just how hard she was pushing against the limits. For Mrs. Stringham, it was familiar and beautiful to realize she had missed out on experiences due to her ancestors' frivolous love for Paris, but not its more refined aspects, and almost nothing else; yet the vagueness, the openness, the eagerness without direction, and the constant curiosity—all parts of the charm of her unique character as initially presented—became more striking as they overshadowed movement and change. She had talents and quirks that couldn’t be easily defined but were a daily joy to live with; like the knack for being almost tragically impatient while keeping it light as air; for being inexplicably sad yet making it clear as day; for being unmistakably joyful but soft as twilight. By this time, Mrs. Stringham understood everything, feeling even more wonder and admiration, convinced it was enough to share in her companion's emotions; yet there were special insights she hadn’t yet acquired, impressions that occasionally struck her as something new.

This particular day on the great Swiss road had been, for some reason, full of them, and they referred themselves, provisionally, to some deeper depth than she had touched—though into two or three such depths, it must be added, she had peeped long enough to find herself suddenly draw back. It was not Milly's unpacified state, in short, that now troubled her—though certainly, as Europe was the great American sedative, the failure was to some extent to be noted: it was the suspected presence of something behind it—which, however, could scarcely have taken its place there since their departure. What any fresh motive of unrest could suddenly have sprung from was, in short, not to be divined. It was but half an explanation to say that excitement, for each of them, had naturally dropped, and that what they had left behind, or tried to—the great serious facts of life, as Mrs. Stringham liked to call them—was once more coming into sight as objects loom through smoke when smoke begins to clear; for these were general appearances from which the girl's own aspect, her really larger vagueness, seemed rather to disconnect itself. The nearest approach to a personal anxiety indulged in as yet by the elder lady was on her taking occasion to wonder if what she had more than anything else got hold of mightn't be one of the finer, one of the finest, one of the rarest—as she called it so that she might call it nothing worse—cases of American intensity. She had just had a moment of alarm—asked herself if her young friend were merely going to treat her to some complicated drama of nerves. At the end of a week, however, with their further progress, her young friend had effectively answered the question and given her the impression, indistinct indeed as yet, of something that had a reality compared with which the nervous explanation would have been coarse. Mrs. Stringham found herself from that hour, in other words, in presence of an explanation that remained a muffled and intangible form, but that, assuredly, should it take on sharpness, would explain everything and more than everything, would become instantly the light in which Milly was to be read.

This particular day on the great Swiss road was, for some reason, full of them, and they temporarily referred to something deeper than she had touched—though it should be noted that she had peeked into two or three such depths long enough to pull back suddenly. It wasn't Milly's unsettled state that troubled her now—though certainly, as Europe was the great American calm, the failure was noteworthy to some extent: it was the suspected presence of something behind it—which could hardly have appeared since their departure. What fresh source of unrest could have suddenly emerged was, in short, impossible to guess. It was only a partial explanation to say that excitement for each of them had naturally faded, and that what they left behind, or tried to—the serious realities of life, as Mrs. Stringham liked to call them—was coming back into view like objects loom through smoke when it starts to clear; because these were general signs from which the girl's own demeanor, her much larger vagueness, seemed to disconnect. The closest the older lady had come to a personal worry was her wondering if what she had latched onto might be one of the finer, one of the best, one of the rarest—so she called it to avoid saying anything worse—cases of American intensity. She had just experienced a moment of alarm—wondered whether her young friend was simply going to put her through some complex emotional drama. However, after a week and their continued journey, her young friend had effectively answered the question and left her with the impression, indeed vague still, of something that had a reality compared to which the nervous explanation would seem crude. From that moment on, in other words, Mrs. Stringham found herself faced with an explanation that remained a muffled and intangible form, but which, should it sharpen, would explain everything and more, and would instantly become the lens through which to interpret Milly.

Such a matter as this may at all events speak of the style in which our young woman could affect those who were near her, may testify to the sort of interest she could inspire. She worked—and seemingly quite without design—upon the sympathy, the curiosity, the fancy of her associates, and we shall really ourselves scarce otherwise come closer to her than by feeling their impression and sharing, if need be, their confusion. She reduced them, Mrs. Stringham would have said, reduced them to a consenting bewilderment; which was precisely, for that good lady, on a last analysis, what was most in harmony with her greatness. She exceeded, escaped measure, was surprising only because they were so far from great. Thus it was that on this wondrous day on the Brünig the spell of watching her had grown more than ever irresistible; a proof of what—or of a part of what—Mrs. Stringham had, with all the rest, been reduced to. She had almost the sense of tracking her young friend as if at a given moment to pounce. She knew she shouldn't pounce, she hadn't come out to pounce; yet she felt her attention secretive, all the same, and her observation scientific. She struck herself as hovering like a spy, applying tests, laying traps, concealing signs. This would last, however, only till she should fairly know what was the matter; and to watch was, after all, meanwhile, a way of clinging to the girl, not less than an occupation, a satisfaction in itself. The pleasure of watching, moreover, if a reason were needed, came from a sense of her beauty. Her beauty hadn't at all originally seemed a part of the situation, and Mrs. Stringham had, even in the first flush of friendship, not named it, grossly, to any one; having seen early that, for stupid people—and who, she sometimes secretly asked herself, wasn't stupid?—it would take a great deal of explaining. She had learned not to mention it till it was mentioned first—which occasionally happened, but not too often; and then she was there in force. Then she both warmed to the perception that met her own perception, and disputed it, suspiciously, as to special items; while, in general, she had learned to refine even to the point of herself employing the word that most people employed. She employed it to pretend that she was also stupid and so have done with the matter; spoke of her friend as plain, as ugly even, in a case of especially dense insistence; but as, in appearance, so "awfully full of things." This was her own way of describing a face that, thanks, doubtless, to rather too much forehead, too much nose and too much mouth, together with too little mere conventional colour and conventional line, was expressive, irregular, exquisite, both for speech and for silence. When Milly smiled it was a public event—when she didn't it was a chapter of history. They had stopped, on the Brünig, for luncheon, and there had come up for them under the charm of the place the question of a longer stay.

Such a situation might at least suggest how our young woman could influence those around her and show the kind of interest she could spark. She engaged—seemingly without any intention—in the sympathy, curiosity, and imagination of her companions, and we can only get closer to understanding her by sensing their reactions and, if necessary, sharing in their confusion. She bewildered them, as Mrs. Stringham would have said; bewildered them into a reluctant agreement, which for that good lady was, in the end, what best matched her greatness. She went beyond measure, surprised only because they were so far from being great. Thus, on that amazing day in Brünig, the allure of watching her became more irresistible than ever; a testament to what—or at least part of what—Mrs. Stringham had, along with everything else, come to experience. She almost felt like she was stalking her young friend, ready to pounce at any moment. She knew she shouldn’t pounce; she hadn’t come out to do that, yet her focus felt secretive and her observation almost scientific. She saw herself hovering like a spy, running tests, setting traps, hiding signs. However, this wouldn't last long; she would stop when she truly figured out what was happening, and watching, after all, was a way of holding onto the girl, not just a distraction but a pleasure in itself. The joy of watching, if an explanation was needed, stemmed from her beauty. Her beauty hadn’t originally seemed relevant to the situation, and even in the early, excited days of their friendship, Mrs. Stringham hadn’t mentioned it outright; she had realized early on that, for ignorant people—and who, she sometimes asked herself, wasn’t ignorant?—it would require a lot of explaining. She learned not to bring it up until someone else did—which occasionally happened, but not too often; and then she was ready. In those moments, she felt both pleased by the perception that matched hers and questioned it, suspiciously, about specific aspects; generally, she had learned to refine her views even to the point of using the same word that most people used. She used it to pretend she was also ignorant and just move on; she described her friend as plain, even ugly in especially thick insistences; but as, in appearance, so "incredibly full of things." This was her unique way of describing a face that, thanks to arguably too much forehead, too much nose, and too much mouth, along with too little typical color and conventional shape, was expressive, irregular, exquisite—for both speaking and silence. When Milly smiled, it was a public spectacle—when she didn’t, it felt like a chapter of history. They had stopped in Brünig for lunch, and the charm of the place had brought up the idea of a longer stay.

Mrs. Stringham was now on the ground of thrilled recognitions, small sharp echoes of a past which she kept in a well-thumbed case, but which, on pressure of a spring and exposure to the air, still showed itself ticking as hard as an honest old watch. The embalmed "Europe" of her younger time had partly stood for three years of Switzerland, a term of continuous school at Vevey, with rewards of merit in the form of silver medals tied by blue ribbons and mild mountain-passes attacked with alpenstocks. It was the good girls who, in the holidays, were taken highest, and our friend could now judge, from what she supposed her familiarity with the minor peaks, that she had been one of the best. These reminiscences, sacred to-day because prepared in the hushed chambers of the past, had been part of the general train laid for the pair of sisters, daughters early fatherless, by their brave Vermont mother, who struck her at present as having apparently, almost like Columbus, worked out, all unassisted, a conception of the other side of the globe. She had focussed Vevey, by the light of nature, and with extraordinary completeness, at Burlington; after which she had embarked, sailed, landed, explored and, above all, made good her presence. She had given her daughters the five years in Switzerland and Germany that were to leave them ever afterwards a standard of comparison for all cycles of Cathay, and to stamp the younger in especial—Susan was the younger—with a character that, as Mrs. Stringham had often had occasion, through life, to say to herself, made all the difference. It made all the difference for Mrs. Stringham, over and over again and in the most remote connections, that, thanks to her parent's lonely, thrifty, hardy faith, she was a woman of the world. There were plenty of women who were all sorts of things that she wasn't, but who, on the other hand, were not that, and who didn't know she was (which she liked—it relegated them still further) and didn't know, either, how it enabled her to judge them. She had never seen herself so much in this light as during the actual phase of her associated, if slightly undirected, pilgrimage; and the consciousness gave perhaps to her plea for a pause more intensity than she knew. The irrecoverable days had come back to her from far off; they were part of the sense of the cool upper air and of everything else that hung like an indestructible scent to the torn garment of youth—the taste of honey and the luxury of milk, the sound of cattle-bells and the rush of streams, the fragrance of trodden balms and the dizziness of deep gorges.

Mrs. Stringham was now reminiscing, feeling sharp echoes of a past she kept in a well-used case, which, under pressure, still ticked away like an honest old watch. The preserved "Europe" of her younger days represented three years in Switzerland—a continuous school experience in Vevey, complete with silver medals tied with blue ribbons and leisurely mountain trails climbed with alpenstocks. It was the good girls who were taken on the best vacations, and our friend believed, based on her supposed familiarity with the minor peaks, that she had been one of the top students. These memories, now sacred because they were shaped in the quiet chambers of the past, formed part of the foundation laid for the two sisters, who were early fatherless daughters of their brave Vermont mother. This mother struck her now as having, much like Columbus, independently figured out all the wonder of the other side of the world. She had envisioned Vevey, illuminated by nature, with incredible detail, from Burlington; after which she had sailed, landed, explored, and, above all, established her presence. She had given her daughters the five years in Switzerland and Germany that would leave them with a lifelong benchmark for every other experience, especially imprinting Susan—the younger sister—with a character that, as Mrs. Stringham often realized, made all the difference. It made all the difference for Mrs. Stringham repeatedly and in the most unexpected contexts that, thanks to her parent's solitary, careful, and resilient faith, she was a woman of the world. There were many women who were all kinds of things that she wasn't, but who, on the flip side, were not that and didn’t know that she was (which she enjoyed—it set her apart even more) and didn't realize how it allowed her to assess them. She had never seen herself in this light as clearly as during her current, somewhat aimless journey; and this awareness may have given her request for a break more intensity than she realized. The unforgettable days returned to her from afar; they were part of the feeling of the cool upper air and everything else that clung like an unshakeable scent to the ragged fabric of youth—the taste of honey and the richness of milk, the sound of cowbells and the rush of streams, the aroma of trodden herbs and the dizziness of deep gorges.

Milly clearly felt these things too, but they affected her companion at moments—that was quite the way Mrs. Stringham would have expressed it—as the princess in a conventional tragedy might have affected the confidant if a personal emotion had ever been permitted to the latter. That a princess could only be a princess was a truth with which, essentially, a confidant, however responsive, had to live. Mrs. Stringham was a woman of the world, but Milly Theale was a princess, the only one she had yet had to deal with, and this in its way, too, made all the difference. It was a perfectly definite doom for the wearer—it was for every one else a perfectly palpable quality. It might have been, possibly, with its involved loneliness and other mysteries, the weight under which she fancied her companion's admirable head occasionally, and ever so submissively, bowed. Milly had quite assented at luncheon to their staying over, and had left her to look at rooms, settle questions, arrange about their keeping on their carriage and horses; cares that had now moreover fallen to Mrs. Stringham as a matter of course and that yet for some reason, on this occasion particularly, brought home to her—all agreeably, richly, almost grandly—what it was to live with the great. Her young friend had, in a sublime degree, a sense closed to the general question of difficulty, which she got rid of, furthermore, not in the least as one had seen many charming persons do, by merely passing it on to others. She kept it completely at a distance: it never entered the circle; the most plaintive confidant couldn't have dragged it in; and to tread the path of a confidant was accordingly to live exempt. Service was in other words so easy to render that the whole thing was like court life without the hardships. It came back of course to the question of money, and our observant lady had by this time repeatedly reflected that if one were talking of the "difference," it was just this, this incomparably and nothing else, that when all was said and done most made it. A less vulgarly, a less obviously purchasing or parading person she couldn't have imagined; but it was, all the same, the truth of truths that the girl couldn't get away from her wealth. She might leave her conscientious companion as freely alone with it as possible and never ask a question, scarce even tolerate a reference; but it was in the fine folds of the helplessly expensive little black frock that she drew over the grass as she now strolled vaguely off; it was in the curious and splendid coils of hair, "done" with no eye whatever to the mode du jour, that peeped from under the corresponding indifference of her hat, the merely personal tradition that suggested a sort of noble inelegance; it lurked between the leaves of the uncut but antiquated Tauchnitz volume of which, before going out, she had mechanically possessed herself. She couldn't dress it away, nor walk it away, nor read it away, nor think it away; she could neither smile it away in any dreamy absence nor blow it away in any softened sigh. She couldn't have lost it if she had tried—that was what it was to be really rich. It had to be the thing you were. When at the end of an hour she had not returned to the house Mrs. Stringham, though the bright afternoon was yet young, took, with precautions, the same direction, went to join her in case of her caring for a walk. But the purpose of joining her was in truth less distinct than that of a due regard for a possibly preferred detachment: so that, once more, the good lady proceeded with a quietness that made her slightly "underhand" even in her own eyes. She couldn't help that, however, and she didn't care, sure as she was that what she really wanted was not to overstep, but to stop in time. It was to be able to stop in time that she went softly, but she had on this occasion further to go than ever yet, for she followed in vain, and at last with some anxiety, the footpath she believed Milly to have taken. It wound up a hillside and into the higher Alpine meadows in which, all these last days, they had so often wanted, as they passed above or below, to stray; and then it obscured itself in a wood, but always going up, up, and with a small cluster of brown old high-perched chalets evidently for its goal. Mrs. Stringham reached in due course the chalets, and there received from a bewildered old woman, a very fearful person to behold, an indication that sufficiently guided her. The young lady had been seen not long before passing further on, over a crest and to a place where the way would drop again, as our unappeased inquirer found it, in fact, a quarter of an hour later, markedly and almost alarmingly to do. It led somewhere, yet apparently quite into space, for the great side of the mountain appeared, from where she pulled up, to fall away altogether, though probably but to some issue below and out of sight. Her uncertainty moreover was brief, for she next became aware of the presence on a fragment of rock, twenty yards off, of the Tauchnitz volume that the girl had brought out, and that therefore pointed to her shortly previous passage. She had rid herself of the book, which was an encumbrance, and meant of course to pick it up on her return; but as she hadn't yet picked it up what on earth had become of her? Mrs. Stringham, I hasten to add, was within a few moments to see; but it was quite an accident that she had not, before they were over, betrayed by her deeper agitation the fact of her own nearness.

Milly definitely felt all of this too, but it impacted her companion at times—that's exactly how Mrs. Stringham would have put it—as the princess in a traditional tragedy might have affected the confidant if that person had ever been allowed a personal emotion. The fact that a princess could only be a princess was a truth that, ultimately, a confidant, no matter how empathetic, had to accept. Mrs. Stringham was a worldly woman, but Milly Theale was a princess, the only one she had encountered so far, and this made all the difference. It was a clear burden for Milly—it was for everyone else a very tangible quality. It might have been, possibly, with its complicated loneliness and other mysteries, the weight under which she thought her companion's admirable head occasionally bowed, so submissively. Milly had totally agreed at lunch to their staying over and had left her to look at rooms, settle questions, arrange their carriage and horses; responsibilities that had naturally fallen to Mrs. Stringham and yet, for some reason, this time made her acutely aware—almost grandly—of what it meant to live with the elite. Her young friend had a remarkable ability to shut out the general issues of difficulty, which she disposed of not at all like many charming people by passing it on to others. She kept it completely at bay: it never entered the circle; not even the most plaintive confidant could have brought it in; and to walk the path of a confidant meant living unburdened. Serving was so easy that the whole situation felt like court life without the hardships. It ultimately boiled down to the question of money, and by this time, our observant lady had repeatedly thought that if one were talking about the "difference," it was exactly this, this incomparably and nothing else, that when everything was said and done, mattered the most. She couldn't have imagined a less vulgar or obviously purchasing or showy person; yet it was, nonetheless, a fundamental truth that the girl couldn't escape her wealth. She might leave her conscientious companion completely alone with it and never ask a question, hardly even tolerate a mention; but it was in the fine details of the helplessly expensive little black dress that she swept over the grass as she now wandered off; it was in the curious and stunning upswept hair, styled without any regard for the mode du jour, that peeked out from beneath the casually indifferent hat, the personal tradition suggesting a kind of noble awkwardness; it hid among the pages of the uncut but outdated Tauchnitz volume that she had mechanically taken with her before stepping out. She couldn't dress it away, walk it away, read it away, or think it away; she couldn't smile it away in any dreamy absence or blow it away in any soft sigh. She couldn't have lost it if she had tried—that was what it meant to be truly rich. It had to be the thing you were. When after an hour she hadn't returned to the house, Mrs. Stringham, although the bright afternoon was still young, cautiously took the same direction and went to join her in case she wanted a walk. But the intent of joining her was less about wanting companionship and more about respecting a possibly preferred solitude: so, once again, the good lady moved quietly, feeling somewhat "sneaky" even in her own eyes. She couldn't help that, but she didn't care, sure as she was that what she really wanted was not to intrude but to know when to stop. To be able to stop in time was why she moved softly, but this time she had to go further than ever before, as she followed the path she believed Milly had taken with growing concern. It wound up a hillside and into the higher Alpine meadows they had often wanted to explore, and then it disappeared into a forest, but always going up, up, toward a small cluster of old brown chalets clearly in sight. Eventually, Mrs. Stringham reached the chalets and received directions from a bewildered old woman, who was quite a daunting person to encounter. The young lady had been seen not long before passing further along over a crest to a place where the path would drop down again, which our unfulfilled inquirer found, in fact, a quarter of an hour later, quite sharply and almost alarmingly so. It led somewhere, but apparently right into open space, as the vast mountainside appeared, from where she stood, to fall away completely, though probably only to some endpoint below and out of sight. Her uncertainty was brief, for she then noticed the presence of the Tauchnitz book on a fragment of rock, twenty yards away, which indicated that the girl had been there recently. She had let go of the book, which was a burden, and intended to pick it up on her way back; but since she hadn't grabbed it yet, where on earth had she gone? Mrs. Stringham, I should mention, was just moments away from finding out; but it was quite a fluke that she hadn’t yet revealed her own closeness due to her growing agitation.

The whole place, with the descent of the path and as a sequel to a sharp turn that was masked by rocks and shrubs, appeared to fall precipitously and to become a "view" pure and simple, a view of great extent and beauty, but thrown forward and vertiginous. Milly, with the promise of it from just above, had gone straight down to it, not stopping till it was all before her; and here, on what struck her friend as the dizzy edge of it, she was seated at her ease. The path somehow took care of itself and its final business, but the girl's seat was a slab of rock at the end of a short promontory or excrescence that merely pointed off to the right into gulfs of air and that was so placed by good fortune, if not by the worst, as to be at last completely visible. For Mrs. Stringham stifled a cry on taking in what she believed to be the danger of such a perch for a mere maiden; her liability to slip, to slide, to leap, to be precipitated by a single false movement, by a turn of the head—how could one tell? into whatever was beneath. A thousand thoughts, for the minute, roared in the poor lady's ears, but without reaching, as happened, Milly's. It was a commotion that left our observer intensely still and holding her breath. What had first been offered her was the possibility of a latent intention—however wild the idea—in such a posture; of some betrayed accordance of Milly's caprice with a horrible hidden obsession. But since Mrs. Stringham stood as motionless as if a sound, a syllable, must have produced the start that would be fatal, so even the lapse of a few seconds had a partly reassuring effect. It gave her time to receive the impression which, when she some minutes later softly retraced her steps, was to be the sharpest she carried away. This was the impression that if the girl was deeply and recklessly meditating there, she was not meditating a jump; she was on the contrary, as she sat, much more in a state of uplifted and unlimited possession that had nothing to gain from violence. She was looking down on the kingdoms of the earth, and though indeed that of itself might well go to the brain, it wouldn't be with a view of renouncing them. Was she choosing among them, or did she want them all? This question, before Mrs. Stringham had decided what to do, made others vain; in accordance with which she saw, or believed she did, that if it might be dangerous to call out, to sound in any way a surprise, it would probably be safe enough to withdraw as she had come. She watched a while longer, she held her breath, and she never knew afterwards what time had elapsed.

The whole place, with the slope of the path and after a sharp turn hidden by rocks and bushes, seemed to drop off drastically, turning into a simple "view"—a view vast and beautiful, but pushing forward and dizzying. Milly, enticed by it from just above, went straight down to it, not pausing until it lay whole before her; and here, at what struck her friend as the dizzy edge, she was sitting comfortably. The path somehow managed itself and its final act, but the girl was perched on a slab of rock at the end of a short promontory that jutted out to the right into open air and was positioned by good fortune, if not the worst, to be completely visible. Mrs. Stringham stifled a gasp upon realizing the danger of such a spot for a young woman; the risk of slipping, sliding, leaping, or being dropped by a single wrong move or a turn of the head—who could tell? A thousand thoughts swirled in the poor lady's mind, but they never reached Milly's ears. It was chaos that left our observer utterly still and holding her breath. What had first struck her was the possibility of a hidden intention—however wild the thought—behind such a posture; a hint of Milly's whimsy matching a terrible secret obsession. But since Mrs. Stringham stood as still as if a sound, a word, could trigger a fatal fall, even a few seconds passing had a somewhat reassuring effect. It gave her time to absorb the impression which, when she quietly retraced her steps minutes later, would be the most striking she took away. This was the feeling that if the girl was deeply and recklessly contemplating anything there, it wasn't a jump; rather, as she sat, she was in a state of elevated and limitless possession that gained nothing from violence. She was looking down on the kingdoms of the earth, and while that might well go to one’s head, it wouldn’t be with the intention of renouncing them. Was she choosing among them, or did she want them all? This question, before Mrs. Stringham decided what to do, made others pointless; so she saw, or thought she did, that if it might be dangerous to call out or make any kind of noise, it would probably be safe enough to retreat as she had come. She watched a moment longer, held her breath, and never knew how much time passed.

Not many minutes probably, yet they had not seemed few, and they had given her so much to think of, not only while creeping home, but while waiting afterwards at the inn, that she was still busy with them when, late in the afternoon, Milly reappeared. She had stopped at the point of the path where the Tauchnitz lay, had taken it up and, with the pencil attached to her watch-guard, had scrawled a word—à bientôt!—across the cover; then, even under the girl's continued delay, had measured time without a return of alarm. For she now saw that the great thing she had brought away was precisely a conviction that the future was not to exist for her princess in the form of any sharp or simple release from the human predicament. It wouldn't be for her a question of a flying leap and thereby of a quick escape. It would be a question of taking full in the face the whole assault of life, to the general muster of which indeed her face might have been directly presented as she sat there on her rock. Mrs. Stringham was thus able to say to herself, even after another interval of some length, that if her young friend still continued absent it wouldn't be because—whatever the opportunity—she had cut short the thread. She wouldn't have committed suicide; she knew herself unmistakably reserved for some more complicated passage; this was the very vision in which she had, with no little awe, been discovered. The image that thus remained with the elder lady kept the character of revelation. During the breathless minutes of her watch she had seen her companion afresh; the latter's type, aspect, marks, her history, her state, her beauty, her mystery, all unconsciously betrayed themselves to the Alpine air, and all had been gathered in again to feed Mrs. Stringham's flame. They are things that will more distinctly appear for us, and they are meanwhile briefly represented by the enthusiasm that was stronger on our friend's part than any doubt. It was a consciousness she was scarce yet used to carrying, but she had as beneath her feet a mine of something precious. She seemed to herself to stand near the mouth, not yet quite cleared. The mine but needed working and would certainly yield a treasure. She was not thinking, either, of Milly's gold.

Not many minutes had passed, but they felt significant, giving her plenty to contemplate, not only on her way home but also while waiting later at the inn. She was still caught up in those thoughts when Milly returned in the late afternoon. Milly had stopped at the spot on the path where the Tauchnitz lay, picked it up, and, using the pencil connected to her watch, scribbled a word—à bientôt!—across the cover. Even with the girl’s ongoing delay, she managed to track time without becoming anxious. She now realized that the main takeaway for her was the belief that the future wouldn’t unfold for her princess as a clear or simple escape from life’s struggles. It wouldn’t involve an easy jump to freedom. Instead, it would require confronting the full force of life’s challenges, which her very presence seemed to embody while she sat on that rock. Mrs. Stringham could thus reassure herself, even after another length of waiting, that if her young friend was still missing, it wouldn’t be because—no matter the circumstances—she had prematurely severed her ties. She wouldn’t have taken her own life; she felt undeniably destined for a more complex journey. This realization was the very insight that had struck her with awe. The image that lingered with the older woman had the feeling of enlightenment. During the suspenseful minutes she spent waiting, she saw her companion anew; the girl’s unique qualities, looks, history, current state, beauty, and mystery all unconsciously revealed themselves to the Alpine air, feeding Mrs. Stringham’s enthusiasm. These elements would become clearer to them, represented for now by the excitement that overshadowed any doubt on her part. It was a feeling she wasn’t quite accustomed to yet, but she sensed there was a rich treasure beneath her feet. She felt she was close to a mine that wasn’t entirely uncovered. The mine just needed to be worked on and would definitely yield something valuable. She wasn’t thinking about Milly’s gold either.


VI


The girl said nothing, when they met, about the words scrawled on the Tauchnitz, and Mrs. Stringham then noticed that she had not the book with her. She had left it lying and probably would never remember it at all. Her comrade's decision was therefore quickly made not to speak of having followed her; and within five minutes of her return, wonderfully enough, the preoccupation denoted by her forgetfulness further declared itself. "Should you think me quite abominable if I were to say that after all——?"

The girl didn’t say anything when they met about the words written in the Tauchnitz, and Mrs. Stringham then realized that she didn’t have the book with her. She must have left it behind and probably wouldn’t remember it at all. Her friend quickly decided not to mention that she had followed her. And within five minutes of her return, surprisingly, the distraction shown by her forgetfulness became even clearer. “Would you think I was terrible if I said that after all——?”

Mrs. Stringham had already thought, with the first sound of the question, everything she was capable of thinking, and had immediately made such a sign that Milly's words gave place to visible relief at her assent. "You don't care for our stop here—you'd rather go straight on? We'll start then with the peep of to-morrow's dawn—or as early as you like; it's only rather late now to take the road again." And she smiled to show how she meant it for a joke that an instant onward rush was what the girl would have wished. "I bullied you into stopping," she added; "so it serves me right."

Mrs. Stringham had already thought everything she could think the moment the question was asked, and she quickly signaled that Milly’s words turned into visible relief at her agreement. “You don’t really want to stay here—you’d prefer to keep going? We can start at the break of tomorrow’s dawn—or whenever you want; it’s just a bit late to hit the road again now.” And she smiled, intending it as a joke that a sudden dash was what the girl would have wanted. “I pressured you into stopping,” she added, “so I guess it’s my fault.”

Milly made in general the most of her good friend's jokes; but she humoured this one a little absently. "Oh yes, you do bully me." And it was thus arranged between them, with no discussion at all, that they would resume their journey in the morning. The younger tourist's interest in the detail of the matter—in spite of a declaration from the elder that she would consent to be dragged anywhere—appeared almost immediately afterwards quite to lose itself; she promised, however, to think till supper of where, with the world all before them, they might go—supper having been ordered for such time as permitted of lighted candles. It had been agreed between them that lighted candles at wayside inns, in strange countries, amid mountain scenery, gave the evening meal a peculiar poetry—such being the mild adventures, the refinements of impression, that they, as they would have said, went in for. It was now as if, before this repast, Milly had designed to "lie down"; but at the end of three minutes more she was not lying down, she was saying instead, abruptly, with a transition that was like a jump of four thousand miles: "What was it that, in New York, on the ninth, when you saw him alone, Dr. Finch said to you?"

Milly generally enjoyed her good friend's jokes, but she responded to this one a bit distractedly. "Oh yes, you do tease me." So, without any discussion, they agreed to continue their journey in the morning. The younger traveler’s curiosity about the details—despite the older one declaring she would go anywhere—seemed to fade almost immediately. She promised to think about where they might go until supper, which had been ordered for a time when they could still have lit candles. They had agreed that lit candles at roadside inns in unfamiliar countries, set against mountain backdrops, added a unique charm to their evening meals—these were the mild adventures and refined experiences they enjoyed, as they would have put it. It was as if Milly had intended to "lie down" before this meal, but just three minutes later, instead of doing that, she suddenly asked, with a leap in conversation: "What did Dr. Finch say to you when you saw him alone in New York on the ninth?"

It was not till later that Mrs. Stringham fully knew why the question had startled her still more than its suddenness explained; though the effect of it even at the moment was almost to frighten her into a false answer. She had to think, to remember the occasion, the "ninth," in New York, the time she had seen Dr. Finch alone, and to recall what he had then said to her; and when everything had come back it was quite, at first, for a moment, as if he had said something that immensely mattered. He hadn't, however, in fact; it was only as if he might perhaps after all have been going to. It was on the sixth—within ten days of their sailing—that she had hurried from Boston under the alarm, a small but a sufficient shock, of hearing that Mildred had suddenly been taken ill, had had, from some obscure cause, such an upset as threatened to stay their journey. The bearing of the accident had happily soon announced itself as slight, and there had been, in the event, but a few hours of anxiety; the journey had been pronounced again not only possible, but, as representing "change," highly advisable; and if the zealous guest had had five minutes by herself with the doctor, that was, clearly, no more at his instance than at her own. Almost nothing had passed between them but an easy exchange of enthusiasms in respect to the remedial properties of "Europe"; and this assurance, as the facts came back to her, she was now able to give. "Nothing whatever, on my word of honour, that you mayn't know or mightn't then have known. I've no secret with him about you. What makes you suspect it? I don't quite make out how you know I did see him alone."

It wasn't until later that Mrs. Stringham truly understood why the question startled her even more than its suddenness would suggest; although at the time, it almost scared her into giving a wrong answer. She needed to think back, recall the occasion, the "ninth," in New York, the time she had seen Dr. Finch alone, and remember what he had said to her then; and when everything returned, for a brief moment, it felt as if he had said something extremely important. However, he hadn’t, really; it was only as if he might have been about to. It was on the sixth—just ten days before they were set to sail—that she hurried from Boston after hearing, with some alarm, that Mildred had suddenly fallen ill, had experienced some mysterious issue that threatened to disrupt their journey. Fortunately, the severity of the situation soon proved to be minimal, and there were only a few hours of worry; the trip was deemed not only possible but also highly advisable as a form of "change"; and if the eager guest had spent five minutes alone with the doctor, that was clearly as much her choice as his. Almost nothing had passed between them except a casual exchange of excitement about the healing benefits of "Europe"; and now, as the details came back to her, she could confidently share that. "Honestly, there’s nothing you don’t already know or couldn’t have known then. I have no secrets about you with him. What makes you think that? I don’t quite understand how you know I saw him alone."

"No—you never told me," said Milly. "And I don't mean," she went on, "during the twenty-four hours while I was bad, when your putting your heads together was natural enough. I mean after I was better—the last thing before you went home."

"No—you never told me," said Milly. "And I don't mean," she continued, "during the twenty-four hours when I was sick, when it made sense for you to be talking. I mean after I got better—the last thing before you went home."

Mrs. Stringham continued to wonder. "Who told you I saw him then?"

Mrs. Stringham kept wondering. "Who told you I saw him?"

"He didn't himself—nor did you write me it afterwards. We speak of it now for the first time. That's exactly why!" Milly declared—with something in her face and voice that, the next moment, betrayed for her companion that she had really known nothing, had only conjectured and, chancing her charge, made a hit. Yet why had her mind been busy with the question? "But if you're not, as you now assure me, in his confidence," she smiled, "it's no matter."

“He didn’t tell me himself—nor did you write to me about it afterwards. We’re talking about it for the first time now. That’s exactly why!” Milly said, with something in her expression and tone that, in the next moment, revealed to her companion that she really didn’t know anything, had just guessed, and, taking a chance with her accusation, had gotten it right. But why had she been thinking about it at all? “But if you’re not, as you’re now telling me, in his confidence,” she smiled, “it doesn’t matter.”

"I'm not in his confidence, and he had nothing to confide. But are you feeling unwell?"

"I'm not in his trust, and he had nothing to share. But are you feeling okay?"

The elder woman was earnest for the truth, though the possibility she named was not at all the one that seemed to fit—witness the long climb Milly had just indulged in. The girl showed her constant white face, but that her friends had all learned to discount, and it was often brightest when superficially not bravest. She continued for a little mysteriously to smile. "I don't know—haven't really the least idea. But it might be well to find out."

The older woman was sincere about wanting the truth, even though the option she mentioned didn’t quite match the situation—just look at the exhausting climb Milly had just taken. The girl had her usual pale face, but her friends had all stopped taking that seriously, and it often looked its best when she was least courageous. She kept smiling a little mysteriously. "I don't know—I really have no idea. But it might be a good idea to find out."

Mrs. Stringham, at this, flared into sympathy. "Are you in trouble—in pain?"

Mrs. Stringham, hearing this, immediately felt sympathetic. "Are you in trouble—are you hurting?"

"Not the least little bit. But I sometimes wonder——!"

"Not at all. But I sometimes wonder—!"

"Yes"—she pressed: "wonder what?"

"Yes"—she urged: "what do you wonder?"

"Well, if I shall have much of it."

"Well, if I'm going to have a lot of it."

Mrs. Stringham stared. "Much of what? Not of pain?"

Mrs. Stringham stared. "Much of what? Not pain?"

"Of everything. Of everything I have."

"Of everything. Of everything I own."

Anxiously again, tenderly, our friend cast about. "You 'have' everything; so that when you say 'much' of it——"

Anxiously once more, gently, our friend looked around. "You have everything; so when you say 'a lot' of it——"

"I only mean," the girl broke in, "shall I have it for long? That is if I have got it."

"I just mean," the girl interrupted, "will I have it for a long time? That is, if I do have it."

She had at present the effect, a little, of confounding, or at least of perplexing her comrade, who was touched, who was always touched, by something helpless in her grace and abrupt in her turns, and yet actually half made out in her a sort of mocking light. "If you've got an ailment?"

She currently had a bit of an effect of confusing, or at least puzzling her companion, who was always moved by something vulnerable in her elegance and sudden shifts, and yet he also sensed a kind of teasing vibe from her. "If you have a problem?"

"If I've got everything," Milly laughed.

"If I have everything," Milly laughed.

"Ah, that—like almost nobody else."

"Ah, that—like almost no one else."

"Then for how long?"

"Then for how long?"

Mrs. Stringham's eyes entreated her; she had gone close to her, half enclosed her with urgent arms. "Do you want to see some one?" And then as the girl only met it with a slow headshake, though looking perhaps a shade more conscious: "We'll go straight to the best near doctor." This too, however, produced but a gaze of qualified assent and a silence, sweet and vague, that left everything open. Our friend decidedly lost herself. "Tell me, for God's sake, if you're in distress."

Mrs. Stringham's eyes pleaded with her; she moved closer, wrapping her arms around her urgently. "Do you want to see someone?" When the girl only responded with a slow shake of her head, though appearing a bit more aware: "Let's go straight to the best nearby doctor." This also only got a look of hesitant agreement and a sweet, vague silence that left everything uncertain. Our friend completely lost her composure. "Please, for God's sake, tell me if you're in trouble."

"I don't think I've really everything," Milly said as if to explain—and as if also to put it pleasantly.

"I don't think I've really everything," Milly said as if to explain—and also to keep it nice.

"But what on earth can I do for you?" The girl hesitated, then seemed on the point of being able to say; but suddenly changed and expressed herself otherwise. "Dear, dear thing—I'm only too happy!"

"But what can I do for you?" The girl paused, then looked ready to speak; but suddenly changed her mind and said something else. "Oh, you sweet thing—I’m just so happy!"

It brought them closer, but it rather confirmed Mrs. Stringham's doubt. "Then what's the matter?"

It brought them closer, but it only confirmed Mrs. Stringham's doubt. "So what’s the issue?"

"That's the matter—that I can scarcely bear it."

"That's the problem—that I can hardly handle it."

"But what is it you think you haven't got?"

"But what do you think you’re missing?"

Milly waited another moment; then she found it, and found for it a dim show of joy. "The power to resist the bliss of what I have!"

Milly waited a moment longer; then she discovered it, and with it, a faint glimpse of happiness. "The ability to resist the joy of what I have!"

Mrs. Stringham took it in—her sense of being "put off" with it, the possible, probable irony of it—and her tenderness renewed itself in the positive grimness of a long murmur. "Whom will you see?"—for it was as if they looked down from their height at a continent of doctors. "Where will you first go?"

Mrs. Stringham took it in—her feeling of being “turned away” by it, the possible, likely irony of it—and her tenderness came back in the solid seriousness of a long murmur. “Who will you see?”—it was as if they looked down from their height at a land full of doctors. “Where will you go first?”

Milly had for the third time her air of consideration; but she came back with it to her plea of some minutes before. "I'll tell you at supper—good-bye till then." And she left the room with a lightness that testified for her companion to something that again particularly pleased her in the renewed promise of motion. The odd passage just concluded, Mrs. Stringham mused as she once more sat alone with a hooked needle and a ball of silk, the "fine" work with which she was always provided—this mystifying mood had simply been precipitated, no doubt, by their prolonged halt, with which the girl hadn't really been in sympathy. One had only to admit that her complaint was in fact but the excess of the joy of life, and everything did then fit. She couldn't stop for the joy, but she could go on for it, and with the sense of going on she floated again, was restored to her great spaces. There was no evasion of any truth—so at least Susan Shepherd hoped—in one's sitting there while the twilight deepened and feeling still more finely that the position of this young lady was magnificent. The evening at that height had naturally turned to cold, and the travellers had bespoken a fire with their meal; the great Alpine road asserted its brave presence through the small panes of the low, clean windows, with incidents at the inn-door, the yellow diligence, the great waggons, the hurrying, hooded, private conveyances, reminders, for our fanciful friend, of old stories, old pictures, historic flights, escapes, pursuits, things that had happened, things indeed that by a sort of strange congruity helped her to read the meanings of the greatest interest into the relation in which she was now so deeply involved. It was natural that this record of the magnificence of her companion's position should strike her as, after all, the best meaning she could extract; for she herself was seated in the magnificence as in a court-carriage—she came back to that, and such a method of progression, such a view from crimson cushions, would evidently have a great deal more to give. By the time the candles were lighted for supper and the short, white curtains were drawn, Milly had reappeared, and the little scenic room had then all its romance. That charm moreover was far from broken by the words in which she, without further loss of time, satisfied her patient mate. "I want to go straight to London."

Milly had her thoughtful look for the third time, but she returned to her earlier point. "I'll tell you at supper—goodbye until then." She left the room with a lightness that showed her companion something that really made her happy about the renewed promise of movement. As Mrs. Stringham sat alone again with a hooked needle and a ball of silk, doing her usual “fine” work, she reflected on the strange moment that had just passed. This puzzling mood had been triggered, no doubt, by their long pause, which the girl hadn’t truly appreciated. One had to admit that Milly's complaint was actually just an overflow of her joy in life, and everything fit into place then. She couldn’t enjoy the joy itself, but she could keep going for it, and with that sense of moving forward, she felt uplifted and back in her expansive thoughts. There was no escaping truth—at least that’s what Susan Shepherd hoped—as she sat there while twilight deepened, feeling even more that this young lady’s situation was extraordinary. Naturally, the evening had turned chilly, and the travelers had ordered a fire with their meal; the grand Alpine road proudly appeared through the small panes of the clean, low windows, with scenes at the inn door—the yellow diligence, the big wagons, the rushing, hooded private carriages—reminding their imaginative friend of old tales, old images, historic journeys, escapes, chases, things that had happened, all of which rather strangely helped her understand the fascinating meanings behind the relationship she was now so deeply involved in. It made sense that this account of her companion’s impressive situation would strike her as the most meaningful insight she could find; after all, she was seated in elegance like in a royal carriage—she returned to that idea, and with such a method of moving forward, such a view from crimson cushions, there was clearly much more to gain. By the time the candles were lit for supper and the short, white curtains were drawn, Milly had come back, and the little scenic room was filled with romance. That charm wasn’t broken at all by her words as she quickly satisfied her eager companion. "I want to go straight to London."

It was unexpected, corresponding with no view positively taken at their departure; when England had appeared, on the contrary, rather relegated and postponed—seen for the moment, as who should say, at the end of an avenue of preparations and introductions. London, in short, might have been supposed to be the crown, and to be achieved like a siege by gradual approaches. Milly's actual fine stride was therefore the more exciting, as any simplification almost always was to Mrs. Stringham; who, besides, was afterwards to recall as the very beginning of a drama the terms in which, between their smoky candles, the girl had put her preference and in which still other things had come up, come while the clank of waggon-chains in the sharp air reached their ears, with the stamp of hoofs, the rattle of buckets and the foreign questions, foreign answers, that were all alike a part of the cheery converse of the road. The girl brought it out in truth as she might have brought a huge confession, something she admitted herself shy about and that would seem to show her as frivolous; it had rolled over her that what she wanted of Europe was "people," so far as they were to be had, and that if her friend really wished to know, the vision of this same equivocal quantity was what had haunted her during their previous days, in museums and churches, and what was again spoiling for her the pure taste of scenery. She was all for scenery—yes; but she wanted it human and personal, and all she could say was that there would be in London—wouldn't there? more of that kind than anywhere else. She came back to her idea that if it wasn't for long—if nothing should happen to be so for her—why, the particular thing she spoke of would probably have most to give her in the time, would probably be less than anything else a waste of her remainder. She produced this last consideration indeed with such gaiety that Mrs. Stringham was not again disconcerted by it, was in fact quite ready—if talk of early dying was in order—to match it from her own future. Good, then; they would, eat and drink because of what might happen to-morrow; and they would direct their course from that moment with a view to such eating and drinking. They ate and drank that night, in truth, as if in the spirit of this decision; whereby the air, before they separated, felt itself the clearer.

It was unexpected, not at all what they'd planned for when they left; England seemed, instead, kind of pushed to the side—like it was only briefly visible at the end of a long series of preparations and introductions. London could have been thought of as the ultimate goal, achieved through gradual steps, almost like a siege. Milly's confident stride was therefore even more thrilling, as anything straightforward always was to Mrs. Stringham; who, besides, would later remember the very start of a drama in the way the girl had expressed her preference, along with other topics that came up while they heard the sound of wagon chains in the crisp air, the thud of hooves, the clinking of buckets, and the foreign questions and answers that were all part of the lively conversation on the road. The girl brought it up as if she were confessing something big, something that made her feel shy and might seem silly; it struck her that what she really wanted from Europe was "people," as much as she could find, and that if her friend really wanted to know, this blurry desire had lingered in her mind during their previous days in museums and churches, and was now ruining her enjoyment of the scenery. She absolutely loved the views—yes; but she wanted them to be filled with human connections, and all she could say was that there would be, in London—wouldn’t there?—more of that than anywhere else. She returned to her thought that if it wasn’t for long—if nothing should happen to be so for her—then the particular thing she mentioned would probably give her the most in her time, would likely be less a waste of her remaining moments than anything else. She shared this last thought with such cheer that Mrs. Stringham wasn’t put off by it again, in fact, she was quite ready—if they were talking about early dying—to compare it to her own future. Alright then; they would eat and drink because of what might happen tomorrow; and they would from that moment focus their plans on such eating and drinking. That evening, they truly ate and drank as if in the spirit of this decision; and before they parted, the atmosphere felt all the clearer.

It had cleared perhaps to a view only too extensive—extensive, that is, in proportion to the signs of life presented. The idea of "people" was not so entertained on Milly's part as to connect itself with particular persons, and the fact remained for each of the ladies that they would, completely unknown, disembark at Dover amid the completely unknowing. They had no relation already formed; this plea Mrs. Stringham put forward to see what it would produce. It produced nothing at first but the observation on the girl's side that what she had in mind was no thought of society nor of scraping acquaintance; nothing was further from her than to desire the opportunities represented for the compatriot in general by a trunkful of "letters." It wasn't a question, in short, of the people the compatriot was after; it was the human, the English picture itself, as they might see it in their own way—the world imagined always in what one had read and dreamed. Mrs. Stringham did every justice to this world, but when later on an occasion chanced to present itself, she made a point of not omitting to remark that it might be a comfort to know in advance even an individual. This still, however, failed in vulgar parlance, to "fetch" Milly, so that she had presently to go all the way. "Haven't I understood from you, for that matter, that you gave Mr. Densher something of a promise?"

It had cleared up to a view that was almost too vast—vast, that is, in relation to the signs of life visible. Milly didn’t really think of "people" in terms of specific individuals, and the fact was that each of the ladies would, completely unknown, arrive at Dover among those who were completely oblivious. They had no existing connections; this was the argument Mrs. Stringham put forward to see what would come of it. At first, it produced nothing but the girl's comment that what she had in mind wasn’t about society or making acquaintances; she was far from wanting the opportunities represented for a compatriot by a trunkful of "letters." It wasn’t about the people the compatriot was looking for; it was more about the human, the English experience itself, as they might perceive it in their own way—the world imagined from what one had read and dreamed. Mrs. Stringham fully appreciated this world, but later on, when an opportunity occurred, she made sure to mention that it might be comforting to know at least one individual in advance. Still, this failed, in plain terms, to "impress" Milly, so she had to go all the way. "Haven't I gotten the impression from you, by the way, that you gave Mr. Densher some kind of promise?"

There was a moment, on this, when Milly's look had to be taken as representing one of two things—either that she was completely vague about the promise or that Mr. Densher's name itself started no train. But she really couldn't be so vague about the promise, her interlocutress quickly saw, without attaching it to something; it had to be a promise to somebody in particular to be so repudiated. In the event, accordingly, she acknowledged Mr. Merton Densher, the so unusually clever young Englishman who had made his appearance in New York on some special literary business—wasn't it?—shortly before their departure, and who had been three or four times in her house during the brief period between her visit to Boston and her companion's subsequent stay with her; but she required much reminding before it came back to her that she had mentioned to this companion just afterwards the confidence expressed by the personage in question in her never doing so dire a thing as to come to London without, as the phrase was, looking a fellow up. She had left him the enjoyment of his confidence, the form of which might have appeared a trifle free—that she now reasserted; she had done nothing either to impair or to enhance it; but she had also left Mrs. Stringham, in the connection and at the time, rather sorry to have missed Mr. Densher. She had thought of him again after that, the elder woman; she had likewise gone so far as to notice that Milly appeared not to have done so—which the girl might easily have betrayed; and, interested as she was in everything that concerned her, she had made out for herself, for herself only and rather idly, that, but for interruptions, the young Englishman might have become a better acquaintance. His being an acquaintance at all was one of the signs that in the first days had helped to place Milly, as a young person with the world before her, for sympathy and wonder. Isolated, unmothered, unguarded, but with her other strong marks, her big house, her big fortune, her big freedom, she had lately begun to "receive," for all her few years, as an older woman might have done—as was done, precisely, by princesses who had public considerations to observe and who came of age very early. If it was thus distinct to Mrs. Stringham then that Mr. Densher had gone off somewhere else in connection with his errand before her visit to New York, it had been also not undiscoverable that he had come back for a day or two later on, that is after her own second excursion—that he had in fine reappeared on a single occasion on his way to the West: his way from Washington as she believed, though he was out of sight at the time of her joining her friend for their departure. It had not occurred to her before to exaggerate—it had not occurred to her that she could; but she seemed to become aware to-night that there had been just enough in this relation to meet, to provoke, the free conception of a little more.

There was a moment when Milly's expression could mean one of two things—either she was totally unsure about the promise or that Mr. Densher's name didn't trigger any thoughts at all. But she really couldn't be that unclear about the promise, her conversation partner quickly realized, unless it was linked to something specific; it had to be a promise to someone in particular to be dismissed like that. So, she acknowledged Mr. Merton Densher, the unusually clever young Englishman who had shown up in New York on some special literary business—right?—just before they left, and who had been to her house three or four times during the brief period between her trip to Boston and her companion's stay with her afterward; but she needed a lot of reminding before she remembered that she had told this companion shortly after that about the confidence expressed by that person regarding her never doing something as serious as coming to London without, as the saying goes, checking someone out. She had allowed him to keep his confidence, which might have seemed a bit too familiar—that she now reaffirmed; she hadn’t done anything to undermine or enhance it; but she had also left Mrs. Stringham, in that context and at that time, feeling somewhat regretful for missing Mr. Densher. The older woman had thought of him again after that; she had also noticed that Milly didn't seem to have done the same—which the girl might have easily shown; and, curious about everything related to her, she had concluded for herself, and rather casually, that, but for interruptions, the young Englishman might have become a closer acquaintance. His status as an acquaintance was one of the signs that had helped position Milly, as a young person with the world ahead of her, in a way that inspired sympathy and wonder. Isolated, unmothered, unguarded, but with her other strong qualities, her large house, her vast wealth, her considerable freedom, she had recently begun to "receive" guests, at her young age, much like an older woman would have—exactly like princesses who had public duties to fulfill and who came of age very early. If it was clear to Mrs. Stringham that Mr. Densher had gone off somewhere else on his errand before her visit to New York, it was also evident that he had returned a day or two later, after her second trip—that he had indeed made a single appearance on his way to the West: his route from Washington, as she believed, though he was out of sight when she joined her friend for their departure. It hadn't occurred to her before to exaggerate—she hadn't thought she could; but she seemed to realize tonight that there was just enough in their acquaintance to spark the idea of a little more.

She presently put it that, at any rate, promise or no promise, Milly would, at a pinch, be able, in London, to act on his permission to make him a sign; to which Milly replied with readiness that her ability, though evident, would be none the less quite wasted, inasmuch as the gentleman would, to a certainty, be still in America. He had a great deal to do there—which he would scarce have begun; and in fact she might very well not have thought of London at all if she hadn't been sure he wasn't yet near coming back. It was perceptible to her companion that the moment our young woman had so far committed herself she had a sense of having overstepped; which was not quite patched up by her saying the next minute, possibly with a certain failure of presence of mind, that the last thing she desired was the air of running after him. Mrs. Stringham wondered privately what question there could be of any such appearance—the danger of which thus suddenly came up; but she said, for the time, nothing of it—she only said other things: one of which was, for instance, that if Mr. Densher was away he was away, and that this was the end of it; also that of course they must be discreet at any price. But what was the measure of discretion, and how was one to be sure? So it was that, as they sat there, she produced her own case: she had a possible tie with London, which she desired as little to disown as she might wish to risk presuming on it. She treated her companion, in short, for their evening's end, to the story of Maud Manningham, the odd but interesting English girl who had formed her special affinity in the old days at the Vevey school; whom she had written to, after their separation, with a regularity that had at first faltered and then altogether failed, yet that had been for the time quite a fine case of crude constancy; so that it had in fact flickered up again of itself on the occasion of the marriage of each. They had then once more fondly, scrupulously written—Mrs. Lowder first; and even another letter or two had afterwards passed. This, however, had been the end—though with no rupture, only a gentle drop: Maud Manningham had made, she believed, a great marriage, while she herself had made a small; on top of which, moreover, distance, difference, diminished community and impossible reunion had done the rest of the work. It was but after all these years that reunion had begun to show as possible—if the other party to it, that is, should be still in existence. That was exactly what it now struck our friend as interesting to ascertain, as, with one aid and another, she believed she might. It was an experiment she would at all events now make if Milly didn't object.

She currently suggested that, regardless of any promises, Milly would, if necessary, be able to act on his permission in London to make him a sign. Milly quickly responded that although her skills were clear, they would be totally wasted since the guy would definitely still be in America. He had a lot to do there, which he probably hadn’t even started yet; in fact, she wouldn’t have even thought of London if she hadn’t been certain he wasn’t coming back anytime soon. It was obvious to her companion that once our young woman had expressed that much, she felt like she had overstepped. This wasn’t quite resolved when she next said, possibly without fully thinking, that the last thing she wanted was to seem like she was chasing after him. Mrs. Stringham privately wondered what the concern was about any such appearance—the risk of which suddenly came up—but she didn’t say anything about it right then. Instead, she mentioned other things: for instance, if Mr. Densher was gone, then he was gone, and that was the end of it; and that they definitely needed to be discreet at all costs. But what did discretion truly mean, and how could one be sure? So, as they sat there, she brought up her own situation: she had a potential connection to London that she didn’t want to deny, but she also didn’t want to seem like she was relying on it. For the rest of the evening, she shared the story of Maud Manningham, the peculiar yet fascinating English girl who had been her special friend at the Vevey school back in the day; she had written to her regularly after they parted ways, although that communication had gradually dwindled until it completely stopped, which at the time had been quite a remarkable example of raw loyalty. Still, they had eventually reconnected around the time of each other's marriages. They had then fondly and carefully written to each other—Mrs. Lowder first—and even exchanged a few more letters afterwards. However, that had been the end of it—not with any falling out, just a gentle fade: Maud Manningham had, she believed, made a significant marriage, while she herself had made a more modest one; plus, distance, differences, less shared experiences, and the impossibility of a reunion had taken care of the rest. It was only after all these years that reunion started to seem possible—if the other party was still alive. This was exactly what her friend found interesting to figure out, as, with some help, she thought she might. It was an experiment she would definitely make if Milly didn’t mind.

Milly in general objected to nothing, and, though she asked a question or two, she raised no present plea. Her questions—or at least her own answers to them—kindled, on Mrs. Stringham's part, a backward train: she hadn't known till tonight how much she remembered, or how fine it might be to see what had become of large, high-coloured Maud, florid, exotic and alien—which had been just the spell—even to the perceptions of youth. There was the danger—she frankly touched it—that such a temperament mightn't have matured, with the years, all in the sense of fineness; it was the sort of danger that, in renewing relations after long breaks, one had always to look in the face. To gather in strayed threads was to take a risk—for which, however, she was prepared if Milly was. The possible "fun," she confessed, was by itself rather tempting; and she fairly sounded, with this—wound up a little as she was—the note of fun as the harmless final right of fifty years of mere New England virtue. Among the things she was afterwards to recall was the indescribable look dropped on her, at this, by her companion; she was still seated there between the candles and before the finished supper, while Milly moved about, and the look was long to figure for her as an inscrutable comment on her notion of freedom. Challenged, at any rate, as for the last wise word, Milly showed perhaps, musingly, charmingly, that, though her attention had been mainly soundless, her friend's story—produced as a resource unsuspected, a card from up the sleeve—half surprised, half beguiled her. Since the matter, such as it was, depended on that, she brought out, before she went to bed, an easy, a light "Risk everything!"

Milly generally didn't object to anything, and even though she asked a question or two, she didn’t raise any immediate concerns. Her questions—or at least her answers to them—sparked a memory in Mrs. Stringham: she hadn't realized until that evening how much she remembered, or how nice it might be to see what had happened to large, colorful Maud, who was so bold, exotic, and different—which had always been the charm—even for young people. There was a risk—she openly acknowledged it—that such a personality might not have matured with time in a positive way; it was the kind of risk one had to face when reconnecting after long separations. Bringing back lost threads was risky—but she was willing to take that chance if Milly was. The potential "fun," she admitted, was pretty tempting on its own; and she truly hinted at this—somewhat excited as she was—the idea of fun as a harmless privilege after fifty years of plain New England decency. Among the things she would later remember was the indescribable glance her companion gave her in response; she was still sitting there between the candles and in front of the finished dinner, while Milly moved around, and that look would stick with her as an enigmatic commentary on her idea of freedom. Responding, at least, as for the final wise saying, Milly perhaps showed, thoughtfully and charmingly, that while her attention had mostly been silent, her friend's story—unfolding as an unexpected resource, a card from up the sleeve—caught her by surprise and intrigued her. Since the matter, as it was, relied on that, she said, before going to bed, a carefree, lighthearted "Risk everything!"

This quality in it seemed possibly a little to deny weight to Maud Lowder's evoked presence—as Susan Stringham, still sitting up, became, in excited reflection, a trifle more conscious. Something determinant, when the girl had left her, took place in her—nameless but, as soon as she had given way, coercive. It was as if she knew again, in this fulness of time, that she had been, after Maud's marriage, just sensibly outlived or, as people nowadays said, shunted. Mrs. Lowder had left her behind, and on the occasion, subsequently, of the corresponding date in her own life—not the second, the sad one, with its dignity of sadness, but the first, with the meagreness of its supposed felicity—she had been, in the same spirit, almost patronisingly pitied. If that suspicion, even when it had ceased to matter, had never quite died out for her, there was doubtless some oddity in its now offering itself as a link, rather than as another break, in the chain; and indeed there might well have been for her a mood in which the notion of the development of patronage in her quondam schoolmate would have settled her question in another sense. It was actually settled—if the case be worth our analysis—by the happy consummation, the poetic justice, the generous revenge, of her having at last something to show. Maud, on their parting company, had appeared to have so much, and would now—for wasn't it also, in general, quite the rich law of English life?—have, with accretions, promotions, expansions, ever so much more. Very good; such things might be; she rose to the sense of being ready for them. Whatever Mrs. Lowder might have to show—and one hoped one did the presumptions all justice—she would have nothing like Milly Theale, who constituted the trophy producible by poor Susan. Poor Susan lingered late—till the candles were low, and as soon as the table was cleared she opened her neat portfolio. She had not lost the old clue; there were connections she remembered, addresses she could try; so the thing was to begin. She wrote on the spot.

This quality in it seemed to somewhat diminish the significance of Maud Lowder's presence as Susan Stringham, still sitting up, became a bit more aware in her excited reflection. Something decisive happened to her after the girl left—indefinable but, once she gave in, ultimately compelling. It was as if she realized again, in this moment, that after Maud's marriage, she had been left behind, or as people say today, sidelined. Mrs. Lowder had moved on, and on the corresponding date in her own life—not the second, the sad one with its dignity of sadness, but the first, characterized by the simplicity of its supposed happiness—she had, in the same spirit, been almost condescendingly pitied. If that feeling, even when it stopped mattering, had never entirely faded for her, it was certainly strange that it now presented itself as a connection rather than another disconnect in the chain; and indeed, there might have been a moment for her where the idea of her former schoolmate's rise in status could have settled her question in a different way. It was actually resolved—if the situation is worth analyzing—by the happy conclusion, the poetic justice, the generous revenge, of her finally having something to show for herself. Maud, at their farewell, seemed to have so much, and she would now—wasn't it also, in general, the rich reality of English life?—have, with additional benefits, promotions, expansions, even more. Very well; that was possible; she felt ready for it all. Whatever Mrs. Lowder might have to present—and one hoped one was being fair—she wouldn't have anything like Milly Theale, who was the trophy Susan could offer. Poor Susan lingered late—until the candles were low, and as soon as the table was cleared, she opened her tidy portfolio. She hadn’t lost the old thread; there were connections she remembered, addresses she could pursue; so it was time to begin. She wrote right then and there.


BOOK FOURTH


VII


It had all gone so fast after this that Milly uttered but the truth nearest to hand in saying to the gentleman on her right—who was, by the same token, the gentleman on her hostess's left—that she scarce even then knew where she was: the words marking her first full sense of a situation really romantic. They were already dining, she and her friend, at Lancaster Gate, and surrounded, as it seemed to her, with every English accessory; though her consciousness of Mrs. Lowder's existence, and still more of her remarkable identity, had been of so recent and so sudden a birth. Susie, as she was apt to call her companion for a lighter change, had only had to wave a neat little wand for the fairy-tale to begin at once; in consequence of which Susie now glittered—for, with Mrs. Stringham's new sense of success, it came to that—in the character of a fairy godmother. Milly had almost insisted on dressing her, for the present occasion, as one; and it was no fault of the girl's if the good lady had not now appeared in a peaked hat, a short petticoat and diamond shoe-buckles, brandishing the magic crutch. The good lady, in truth, bore herself not less contentedly than if these insignia had marked her work; and Milly's observation to Lord Mark had just been, doubtless, the result of such a light exchange of looks with her as even the great length of the table had not baffled. There were twenty persons between them, but this sustained passage was the sharpest sequel yet to that other comparison of views during the pause on the Swiss pass. It almost appeared to Milly that their fortune had been unduly precipitated—as if, properly, they were in the position of having ventured on a small joke and found the answer out of proportion grave. She could not at this moment, for instance, have said whether, with her quickened perceptions, she were more enlivened or oppressed; and the case might in fact have been serious had she not, by good fortune, from the moment the picture loomed, quickly made up her mind that what finally most concerned her was neither to seek nor to shirk, was not even to wonder too much, but was to let things come as they would, since there was little enough doubt of how they would go.

It all happened so quickly after this that Milly said the closest thing to the truth when she told the guy on her right—who was also the guy on her hostess's left—that she hardly even knew where she was. This was her first real realization of a situation that felt truly romantic. She and her friend were already dining at Lancaster Gate, surrounded, as it seemed to her, by every English touch; although her awareness of Mrs. Lowder’s presence, and even more of her unique identity, had come about so recently and so suddenly. Susie, as Milly liked to call her friend for a lighter feel, only needed to wave a neat little wand for the fairy tale to begin; as a result, Susie now shined brightly—thanks to Mrs. Stringham’s newfound sense of success—in the role of a fairy godmother. Milly had practically insisted on dressing her as one for this occasion, and it wasn’t Susie's fault that the lovely lady didn’t show up in a pointed hat, a short skirt, and diamond shoe buckles, wielding a magic wand. In reality, the good lady carried herself just as happily as if those symbols signified her role; and Milly's remark to Lord Mark had just been, no doubt, the outcome of a light exchange of glances with her, which even the great length of the table hadn’t blocked. There were twenty people between them, but this ongoing connection was the sharpest follow-up to that other comparison of opinions during the pause on the Swiss pass. It almost seemed to Milly that their fate had been pushed too quickly—as if they had, in essence, attempted a small joke and found the response unexpectedly serious. At that moment, she couldn’t have said whether, with her heightened awareness, she felt more excited or weighed down; and it might have truly been a serious situation if she hadn't, luckily, made up her mind that what mattered most was neither to search for answers nor to dodge them, not even to ponder too much, but to let things unfold as they would, since there was hardly any doubt about how they would turn out.

Lord Mark had been brought to her before dinner—not by Mrs. Lowder, but by the handsome girl, that lady's niece, who was now at the other end and on the same side as Susie; he had taken her in, and she meant presently to ask him about Miss Croy, the handsome girl, actually offered to her sight—though now in a splendid way—but for the second time. The first time had been the occasion—only three days before—of her calling at their hotel with her aunt and then making, for our other two heroines, a great impression of beauty and eminence. This impression had remained so with Milly that, at present, and although her attention was aware at the same time of everything else, her eyes were mainly engaged with Kate Croy when not engaged with Susie. That wonderful creature's eyes moreover readily met them—she ranked now as a wonderful creature; and it seemed a part of the swift prosperity of the American visitors that, so little in the original reckoning, she should yet appear conscious, charmingly, frankly conscious, of possibilities of friendship for them. Milly had easily and, as a guest, gracefully generalised: English girls had a special, strong beauty, and it particularly showed in evening dress—above all when, as was strikingly the case with this one, the dress itself was what it should be. That observation she had all ready for Lord Mark when they should, after a little, get round to it. She seemed even now to see that there might be a good deal they would get round to; the indication being that, taken up once for all with her other neighbour, their hostess would leave them much to themselves. Mrs. Lowder's other neighbour was the Bishop of Murrum—a real bishop, such as Milly had never seen, with a complicated costume, a voice like an old-fashioned wind instrument, and a face all the portrait of a prelate; while the gentleman on our young lady's left, a gentleman thick-necked, large and literal, who looked straight before him and as if he were not to be diverted by vain words from that pursuit, clearly counted as an offset to the possession of Lord Mark. As Milly made out these things—with a shade of exhilaration at the way she already fell in—she saw how she was justified of her plea for people and her love of life. It wasn't then, as the prospect seemed to show, so difficult to get into the current, or to stand, at any rate, on the bank. It was easy to get near—if they were near; and yet the elements were different enough from any of her old elements, and positively rich and strange.

Lord Mark had been introduced to her before dinner—not by Mrs. Lowder, but by the attractive girl who was that lady's niece, currently sitting at the opposite end but on the same side as Susie. He had taken her in, and she was planning to ask him about Miss Croy, the beautiful girl who was now in front of her—though this was now the second time. The first time had been just three days earlier when she visited their hotel with her aunt, making a significant impression of beauty and prominence on her other two friends. This impression had stuck with Milly, so now, even though she was aware of everything else happening around her, her eyes were mostly focused on Kate Croy when they weren't on Susie. That amazing girl's eyes also met Milly’s easily—she was now considered an extraordinary person; and it seemed part of the swift success of the American visitors that she, despite being new to the group, seemed charmingly and openly aware of the possibility of friendship with them. Milly had quickly and gracefully generalized that English girls possessed a unique, striking beauty, which particularly shone through in evening dresses—especially when, like in this case, the dress itself was perfect. She had already prepared that observation for Lord Mark when the opportunity arose. It seemed to her that there were many topics they could discuss; the suggestion was that, having engaged fully with her other guest, their hostess would leave them mostly alone. Mrs. Lowder's other guest was the Bishop of Murrum—a real bishop, unlike anyone Milly had ever seen, with an elaborate outfit, a voice reminiscent of an old-fashioned wind instrument, and a face that looked like a prelate's portrait. The gentleman to Milly’s left was a sturdy, large man who looked straight ahead, seemingly unaffected by idle chatter, clearly balancing out Lord Mark’s presence. As Milly absorbed these details—with a hint of excitement about how well she was fitting in—she felt justified in her love for people and her enthusiasm for life. It wasn’t as difficult to get into the flow as it had seemed at first; at least it was easy to approach—if they were nearby. Yet the circumstances were different enough from what she was used to and distinctly enriching and intriguing.

She asked herself if her right-hand neighbour would understand what she meant by such a description of them, should she throw it off; but another of the things to which, precisely, her sense was awakened was that no, decidedly, he wouldn't. It was nevertheless by this time open to her that his line would be to be clever; and indeed, evidently, no little of the interest was going to be in the fresh reference and fresh effect both of people's cleverness and of their simplicity. She thrilled, she consciously flushed, and turned pale with the certitude—it had never been so present—that she should find herself completely involved: the very air of the place, the pitch of the occasion, had for her so positive a taste and so deep an undertone. The smallest things, the faces, the hands, the jewels of the women, the sound of words, especially of names, across the table, the shape of the forks, the arrangement of the flowers, the attitude of the servants, the walls of the room, were all touches in a picture and denotements in a play; and they marked for her, moreover, her alertness of vision. She had never, she might well believe, been in such a state of vibration; her sensibility was almost too sharp for her comfort: there were, for example, more indications than she could reduce to order in the manner of the friendly niece, who struck her as distinguished and interesting, as in fact surprisingly genial. This young woman's type had, visibly, other possibilities; yet here, of its own free movement, it had already sketched a relation. Were they, Miss Croy and she, to take up the tale where their two elders had left it off so many years before?—were they to find they liked each other and to try for themselves if a scheme of constancy on more modern lines could be worked? She had doubted, as they came to England, of Maud Manningham, had believed her a broken reed and a vague resource, had seen their dependence on her as a state of mind that would have been shamefully silly—so far as it was dependence—had they wished to do any thing so inane as "get into society." To have made their pilgrimage all for the sake of such society as Mrs. Lowder might have in reserve for them—that didn't bear thinking of at all, and she herself had quite chosen her course for curiosity about other matters. She would have described this curiosity as a desire to see the places she had read about, and that description of her motive she was prepared to give her neighbour—even though, as a consequence of it, he should find how little she had read. It was almost at present as if her poor prevision had been rebuked by the majesty—she could scarcely call it less—of the event, or at all events by the commanding character of the two figures—she could scarcely call that less either—mainly presented. Mrs. Lowder and her niece, however dissimilar, had at least in common that each was a great reality. That was true, primarily, of the aunt—so true that Milly wondered how her own companion had arrived, in other days, at so odd an alliance; yet she none the less felt Mrs. Lowder as a person of whom the mind might in two or three days roughly make the circuit. She would sit there massive, at least, while one attempted it; whereas Miss Croy, the handsome girl, would indulge in incalculable movements that might interfere with one's tour. She was real, none the less, and everything and everybody were real; and it served them right, no doubt, the pair of them, for having rushed into their adventure.

She wondered if her neighbor on the right would understand what she meant by that description if she let it slip. But she realized immediately that, no, he definitely wouldn't. By this point, though, it was clear to her that he would try to be clever; and actually, a lot of the interest would come from the new dynamics and new effects of both people's cleverness and their simplicity. She felt a thrill, flushed with excitement, and turned pale with the certainty—it had never been so clear—that she would find herself completely involved. The very atmosphere of the place, the nature of the occasion, had a distinctly vivid taste and a profound undertone for her. The tiniest details—the faces, the hands, the women's jewelry, the way words sounded, especially names, across the table, the shape of the forks, the arrangement of the flowers, the attitude of the servers, the walls of the room—were all elements in a picture and cues in a play; and they highlighted her keen perception. She had never, she realized, been in such a heightened state of awareness; her sensitivity was almost too intense for her comfort. For instance, there were more signs than she could neatly categorize in the demeanor of her friendly niece, who struck her as both distinguished and surprisingly warm. This young woman obviously had other possibilities; yet, here, by her own initiative, she had already established a connection. Were she and Miss Croy going to continue the story where their two elders left off so many years ago? Would they discover they liked each other and test whether a scheme for lasting friendship on more modern terms could work? As they arrived in England, she had doubted Maud Manningham, thinking of her as a fragile support, seeing their reliance on her as a state of mind that would have been foolish—especially if it was a dependence—if they had aimed to "get into society." To have made their journey solely for the sake of whatever society Mrs. Lowder might have in store for them was simply unthinkable, and she had purposely chosen her path out of curiosity about other matters. She would have called this curiosity a desire to see the places she had read about, and she was ready to share that description with her neighbor—even if it meant he would realize how little she had actually read. At that moment, it was almost as if her poor expectations had been rebuked by the grandeur—she could hardly call it anything less—of the event, or at least by the strong presence of the two main figures—she could hardly call that anything less either. Mrs. Lowder and her niece, though they were quite different, shared at least one trait: they were both significant realities. That was especially true of the aunt—so true that Milly wondered how her companion had ever formed such an odd connection in the past; yet she still felt that Mrs. Lowder was someone whose essence could be grasped in a couple of days. She would sit there solid and imposing while one tried to figure her out. In contrast, Miss Croy, the attractive girl, might engage in unpredictable movements that could disrupt one’s exploration. She was real nonetheless, and everything and everyone were real; and it was fitting, no doubt, for both of them for having rushed into their adventure.

Lord Mark's intelligence meanwhile, however, had met her own quite sufficiently to enable him to tell her how little he could clear up her situation. He explained, for that matter—or at least he hinted—that there was no such thing, to-day in London, as saying where any one was. Every one was everywhere—nobody was anywhere. He should be put to it—yes, frankly—to give a name of any sort or kind to their hostess's "set." Was it a set at all, or wasn't it, and were there not really no such things as sets, in the place, any more?—was there any thing but the senseless shifting tumble, like that of some great greasy sea in mid-Channel, of an overwhelming melted mixture? He threw out the question, which seemed large; Milly felt that at the end of five minutes he had thrown out a great many, though he followed none more than a step or two; perhaps he would prove suggestive, but he helped her as yet to no discriminations: he spoke as if he had given them up from too much knowledge. He was thus at the opposite extreme from herself, but, as a consequence of it, also wandering and lost; and he was furthermore, for all his temporary incoherence, to which she guessed there would be some key, as great a reality as either Mrs. Lowder or Kate. The only light in which he placed the former of these ladies was that of an extraordinary woman—a most extraordinary woman, and "the more extraordinary the more one knows her," while of the latter he said nothing, for the moment, but that she was tremendously, yes, quite tremendously, good-looking. It was some time, she thought, before his talk showed his cleverness, and yet each minute she believed in it more, quite apart from what her hostess had told her on first naming him. Perhaps he was one of the cases she had heard of at home—those characteristic cases of people in England who concealed their play of mind so much more than they showed it. Even Mr. Densher a little did that. And what made Lord Mark, at any rate, so real either, when this was a thing he so definitely insisted on? His type some how, as by a life, a need, an intention of its own, insisted for him; but that was all. It was difficult to guess his age—whether he were a young man who looked old or an old man who looked young; it seemed to prove nothing, as against other things, that he was bald and, as might have been said, slightly stale, or, more delicately perhaps, dry: there was such a fine little fidget of preoccupied life in him, and his eyes, at moments—though it was an appearance they could suddenly lose—were as candid and clear as those of a pleasant boy. Very neat, very light, and so fair that there was little other indication of his moustache than his constantly feeling it—which was again boyish—he would have affected her as the most intellectual person present if he had not affected her as the most frivolous. The latter quality was rather in his look than in anything else, though he constantly wore his double eyeglass, which was, much more, Bostonian and thoughtful.

Lord Mark's intelligence had matched hers well enough for him to explain how little he could clarify her situation. He suggested—at least hinted—that there was no way, nowadays in London, to pinpoint where anyone was. Everyone was everywhere—nobody was anywhere. He would really struggle—yes, honestly—to name their hostess's "set." Was it even a set at all, or were sets a thing of the past? Was there anything more than the chaotic mix, like a turbulent sea in mid-Channel, of an overwhelming blend? He posed the question, which seemed significant; Milly felt that within five minutes he had raised many questions, but he followed up on none more than a step or two. Perhaps he would be thought-provoking, but he hadn’t offered her any clarity yet: he spoke as if he had given up on making distinctions due to too much knowledge. He was thus at the opposite end of the spectrum from her, but as a result, he was also wandering and lost; and he was, despite his temporary confusion—of which she sensed there would be some understanding—a substantial reality just like either Mrs. Lowder or Kate. The only way he viewed the former of these women was as an extraordinary person—a truly remarkable woman, and "the more you get to know her, the more extraordinary she becomes." As for the latter, he didn’t say much, except that she was incredibly, yes, remarkably, good-looking. It took some time for her to notice his cleverness in his conversation, and yet with each minute, she believed in it more, entirely separate from what her hostess had mentioned when first introducing him. Maybe he was one of those cases she had heard about back home—those typical examples of people in England who hide their intellectual prowess far more than they display it. Even Mr. Densher did that a bit. And what made Lord Mark feel so real when this was something he insisted on so strongly? His persona somehow, as if propelled by a life, a need, a purpose of its own, asserted itself for him; but that was all. It was tough to guess his age—whether he was a young man who looked old or an old man who looked young; it didn’t really say anything compared to other factors that he was bald and, as one might put it, slightly stale, or perhaps more delicately, dry: there was such a subtle fidget of preoccupied life in him, and his eyes, at times—though they could suddenly lose that appearance—were as clear and open as those of a pleasant boy. Very neat, very light, and so fair that there was barely any sign of his moustache other than his constant touching of it—which was again youthful—he would have struck her as the most intellectual person present if he hadn’t also come off as the most superficial. That latter characteristic was more present in his appearance than in anything else, despite his regular use of his double eyeglass, which was, in a way, much more Bostonian and thoughtful.

The idea of his frivolity had, no doubt, to do with his personal designation, which represented—as yet, for our young woman, a little confusedly—a connection with an historic patriciate, a class that, in turn, also confusedly, represented an affinity with a social element that she had never heard otherwise described than as "fashion." The supreme social element in New York had never known itself but as reduced to that category, and though Milly was aware that, as applied to a territorial and political aristocracy, the label was probably too simple, she had for the time none other at hand. She presently, it is true, enriched her idea with the perception that her interlocutor was indifferent; yet this, indifferent as aristocracies notoriously were, saw her but little further, inasmuch as she felt that, in the first place, he would much rather get on with her than not, and in the second was only thinking of too many matters of his own. If he kept her in view on the one hand and kept so much else on the other—the way he crumbed up his bread was a proof—why did he hover before her as a potentially insolent noble? She couldn't have answered the question, and it was precisely one of those that swarmed. They were complicated, she might fairly have said, by his visibly knowing, having known from afar off, that she was a stranger and an American, and by his none the less making no more of it than if she and her like were the chief of his diet. He took her, kindly enough, but imperturbably, irreclaimably, for granted, and it wouldn't in the least help that she herself knew him, as quickly, for having been in her country and threshed it out. There would be nothing for her to explain or attenuate or brag about; she could neither escape nor prevail by her strangeness; he would have, for that matter, on such a subject, more to tell her than to learn from her. She might learn from him why she was so different from the handsome girl—which she didn't know, being merely able to feel it; or at any rate might learn from him why the handsome girl was so different from her.

The idea of his frivolity had, no doubt, to do with his personal label, which represented—as yet, for our young woman, somewhat confusingly—a connection to a historic aristocracy, a class that, in turn, also vaguely indicated a connection with a social group she had only heard referred to as "fashion." The top social circle in New York had only known itself in that way, and although Milly realized that, when it came to a territorial and political elite, the label was probably too simplistic, she had no better terminology at the moment. She did, however, soon enrich her understanding with the realization that her conversation partner was indifferent; yet, this indifference, as aristocracies notoriously were, did not lead her to see much further since she sensed that, firstly, he would much rather engage with her than not, and secondly, he was engrossed in too many of his own thoughts. If he was mindful of her on one hand while being preoccupied with so many other issues on the other—the way he crumbled his bread was proof—then why did he seem to loom over her like a potentially rude noble? She couldn’t have answered that question, and it was exactly one of those that multiplied. They were complicated, she might have said, by his clear awareness, having known from a distance, that she was a stranger and an American, and yet he treated it as casually as if she and her kind were his main course. He accepted her, kindly enough, but with an unshakeable, unchangeable attitude, and it wouldn’t help at all that she recognized him quickly for having been in her country and experienced it. There would be nothing for her to explain, downplay, or boast about; she could neither escape nor win over him with her strangeness; he would, in fact, have more to teach her on that subject than she would have to share with him. She might learn from him why she was so different from the attractive girl—which she didn’t know, only able to feel it; or at least, she might learn from him why the attractive girl was so different from her.

On these lines, however, they would move later; the lines immediately laid down were, in spite of his vagueness for his own convenience, definite enough. She was already, he observed to her, thinking what she should say on her other side—which was what Americans were always doing. She needn't in conscience say anything at all; but Americans never knew that, nor ever, poor creatures, yes (she had interposed the "poor creatures!") what not to do. The burdens they took on—the things, positively, they made an affair of! This easy and, after all, friendly jibe at her race was really for her, on her new friend's part, the note of personal recognition so far as she required it; and she gave him a prompt and conscious example of morbid anxiety by insisting that her desire to be, herself, "lovely" all round was justly founded on the lovely way Mrs. Lowder had met her. He was directly interested in that, and it was not till afterwards that she fully knew how much more information about their friend he had taken than given. Here again, for instance, was a pertinent note for her: she had, on the spot, with her first plunge into the obscure depths of a society constituted from far back, encountered the interesting phenomenon of complicated, of possibly sinister motive. However, Maud Manningham (her name, even in her presence, somehow still fed the fancy) had, all the same, been lovely, and one was going to meet her now quite as far on as one had one's self been met. She had been with them at their hotel—they were a pair—before even they had supposed she could have got their letter. Of course indeed they had written in advance, but they had followed that up very fast. She had thus engaged them to dine but two days later, and on the morrow again, without waiting for a return visit, waiting for anything, she had called with her niece. It was as if she really cared for them, and it was magnificent fidelity—fidelity to Mrs. Stringham, her own companion and Mrs. Lowder's former schoolmate, the lady with the charming face and the rather high dress down there at the end.

On these lines, however, they would move later; the lines they had just established were, despite his vagueness for his own convenience, clear enough. She was already, he noted, figuring out what she should say next—which was typical of Americans. She didn't really need to say anything at all; but Americans never realized that, nor, poor things, knew what not to do. The burdens they took on—the things they made a big deal out of! This easy and, ultimately, friendly jab at her culture was really for her, from her new friend, a form of personal recognition as much as she needed; and she quickly and self-consciously demonstrated her nervousness by insisting that her desire to be "lovely" all around was justifiably based on how beautifully Mrs. Lowder had welcomed her. He was genuinely interested in that, and it wasn't until later that she fully understood how much more he had learned about their friend than he had shared. Here again was a relevant note for her: she had, right from her first dive into the murky depths of a long-established society, encountered the intriguing phenomenon of complicated, possibly sinister motives. However, Maud Manningham (her name, even in her presence, somehow still fueled the imagination) had, nonetheless, been lovely, and she was going to meet her now just as much as she had been met. She had been with them at their hotel—they were a pair—before they even thought she could have received their letter. Of course, they had written in advance, but they had quickly followed that up. She had thus invited them to dinner just two days later, and the very next day, without waiting for a return visit or anything, she had dropped by with her niece. It was as if she truly cared for them, and it was a remarkable loyalty—loyalty to Mrs. Stringham, her own companion and Mrs. Lowder's former schoolmate, the lady with the lovely face and the rather formal outfit down there at the end.

Lord Mark took in through his nippers these balanced attributes of Susie. "But isn't Mrs. Stringham's fidelity then equally magnificent?"

Lord Mark absorbed these balanced qualities of Susie through his perspective. "But isn't Mrs. Stringham's loyalty just as impressive?"

"Well, it's a beautiful sentiment; but it isn't as if she had anything to give."

"Well, it's a nice thought; but it's not like she had anything to offer."

"Hasn't she got you?" Lord Mark presently asked.

"Doesn't she have you?" Lord Mark then asked.

"Me—to give Mrs. Lowder?" Milly had clearly not yet seen herself in the light of such an offering. "Oh, I'm rather a poor present; and I don't feel as if, even at that, I've as yet quite been given."

"Me—to give Mrs. Lowder?" Milly clearly hadn't thought of herself as a gift. "Oh, I'm not much of a present; and I don't feel like I've really been offered yet."

"You've been shown, and if our friend has jumped at you it comes to the same thing." He made his jokes, Lord Mark, without amusement for himself; yet it wasn't that he was grim. "To be seen you must recognise, is, for you, to be jumped at; and, if it's a question of being shown, here you are again. Only it has now been taken out of your friend's hands; it's Mrs. Lowder, already, who's getting the benefit. Look round the table and you'll make out, I think, that you're being, from top to bottom, jumped at."

"You've been shown, and if our friend has come at you, it's the same thing." He made his jokes, Lord Mark, without finding any amusement for himself; yet it wasn’t that he was serious. "To be seen, you must recognize, is, for you, to be approached; and if it's a matter of being shown, here you are again. But now it's out of your friend's hands; it's Mrs. Lowder, already, who's reaping the benefits. Look around the table, and you'll see, I think, that you're being, from top to bottom, approached."

"Well, then," said Milly, "I seem also to feel that I like it better than being made fun of."

"Well, then," said Milly, "I think I actually like it better than being teased."

It was one of the things she afterwards saw—Milly was for ever seeing things afterwards—that her companion had here had some way of his own, quite unlike any one's else, of assuring her of his consideration. She wondered how he had done it, for he had neither apologised nor protested. She said to herself, at any rate, that he had led her on; and what was most odd was the question by which he had done so. "Does she know much about you?"

It was one of the things she later noticed—Milly was always noticing things later—that her companion somehow had a unique way of showing her his consideration, different from anyone else's. She wondered how he had managed it since he had neither apologized nor objected. She told herself, at least, that he had influenced her; and what was most strange was the question he had asked to do so. "Does she know much about you?"

"No, she just likes us."

"No, she just likes us."

Even for this his travelled lordship, seasoned and saturated, had no laugh. "I mean you particularly. Has that lady with the charming face, which is charming, told her?"

Even for this well-traveled lord, who was experienced and worldly, there was no laughter. "I mean you in particular. Has that lady with the lovely face, which is lovely, told her?"

Milly hesitated. "Told her what?"

Milly hesitated. "What did you say?"

"Everything."

"All of it."

This, with the way he dropped it, again considerably moved her—made her feel for a moment that, as a matter of course, she was a subject for disclosures. But she quickly found her answer. "Oh, as for that, you must ask her."

This, combined with how he let it drop, again deeply affected her—made her feel for a moment that, of course, she was someone worth confiding in. But she quickly figured it out. "Oh, for that, you have to ask her."

"Your clever companion?"

"Your smart friend?"

"Mrs. Lowder."

"Ms. Lowder."

He replied to this that their hostess was a person with whom there were certain liberties one never took, but that he was none the less fairly upheld, inasmuch as she was for the most part kind to him and as, should he be very good for a while, she would probably herself tell him. "And I shall have, at any rate, in the meantime, the interest of seeing what she does with you. That will teach me more or less, you see, how much she knows."

He replied that their hostess was someone with whom there were certain boundaries you simply didn't cross, but he felt fairly accepted since she was mostly kind to him. He figured that if he behaved well for a while, she would probably let him know herself. "And in the meantime, I'll be curious to see how she treats you. That will teach me a bit about how much she really knows."

Milly followed this—it was lucid; but it suggested something apart. "How much does she know about you?"

Milly understood this—it was clear; but it implied something else. "How much does she know about you?"

"Nothing," said Lord Mark serenely. "But that doesn't matter—for what she does with me." And then, as to anticipate Milly's question about the nature of such doing: "This, for instance—turning me straight on for you."

"Nothing," Lord Mark said calmly. "But that doesn't matter—it's about what she does with me." And then, to preempt Milly's question about what that means: "This, for example—turning me right toward you."

The girl thought. "And you mean she wouldn't if she did know——?"

The girl thought, "So you’re saying she wouldn’t if she did know...?"

He met it as if it were really a point. "No. I believe, to do her justice, she still would. So you can be easy."

He faced it as if it were just a detail. "No. I think, to be fair to her, she would still do that. So you can relax."

Milly had the next instant, then, acted on the permission. "Because you're even at the worst the best thing she has?"

Milly immediately took the chance. "Is it because you're, even at your worst, the best thing she has?"

With this he was at last amused. "I was till you came. You're the best now."

With that, he finally found it funny. "I was happy until you showed up. You're the best now."

It was strange his words should have given her the sense of his knowing, but it was positive that they did so, and to the extent of making her believe them, though still with wonder. That, really, from this first of their meetings, was what was most to abide with her: she accepted almost helplessly, she surrendered to the inevitability of being the sort of thing, as he might have said, that he at least thoroughly believed he had, in going about, seen here enough of for all practical purposes. Her submission was naturally, moreover, not to be impaired by her learning later on that he had paid at short intervals, though at a time apparently just previous to her own emergence from the obscurity of extreme youth, three separate visits to New York, where his nameable friends and his contrasted contacts had been numerous. His impression, his recollection of the whole mixed quantity, was still visibly rich. It had helped him to place her, and she was more and more sharply conscious of having—as with the door sharply slammed upon her and the guard's hand raised in signal to the train—been popped into the compartment in which she was to travel for him. It was a use of her that many a girl would have been doubtless quick to resent; and the kind of mind that thus, in our young lady, made all for mere seeing and taking is precisely one of the charms of our subject. Milly had practically just learned from him, had made out, as it were, from her rumbling compartment, that he gave her the highest place among their friend's actual properties. She was a success, that was what it came to, he presently assured her, and that was what it was to be a success: it always happened before one could know it. One's ignorance was in fact often the greatest part of it. "You haven't had time yet," he said; "this is nothing. But you'll see. You'll see everything. You can, you know—everything you dream of."

It was odd that his words made her feel like he really understood her, but it was clear they did, enough for her to believe him, even if she was still a bit puzzled. From their very first meeting, what stuck with her the most was that she almost helplessly accepted, and surrendered to, the fact that she was the kind of person he thought he had seen enough of for all practical purposes. Her submission, naturally, wasn’t lessened by later finding out that he had made three separate trips to New York just before she emerged from the shadows of her youth, where he had many named friends and various connections. His impression, his memory of the whole mixed experience, was still vividly rich. It had helped him identify her, and she increasingly felt like she had been suddenly placed into the compartment where she would travel for him, like when a door is abruptly slammed and the guard signals the train. Many girls would definitely have reacted negatively to being used in this way; however, the fact that our young lady could only see and accept is part of what makes her so interesting. Milly had just learned from him, as if from her rumbling compartment, that he gave her the highest standing among their friend’s actual possessions. She was a success, and that’s what it meant to be a success: it always happened before you realized it. Your ignorance was often the biggest part of it. "You haven't had time yet," he said; "this is nothing. But you'll see. You'll see everything. You can, you know—everything you dream of."

He made her more and more wonder; she almost felt as if he were showing her visions while he spoke; and strangely enough, though it was visions that had drawn her on, she hadn't seen them in connection—that is in such preliminary and necessary connection—with such a face as Lord Mark's, such eyes and such a voice, such a tone and such a manner. He had for an instant the effect of making her ask herself if she were after all going to be afraid; so distinct was it for fifty seconds that a fear passed over her. There they were again—yes, certainly: Susie's overture to Mrs. Lowder had been their joke, but they had pressed in that gaiety an electric bell that continued to sound. Positively, while she sat there, she had the loud rattle in her ears, and she wondered, during these moments, why the others didn't hear it. They didn't stare, they didn't smile, and the fear in her that I speak of was but her own desire to stop it. That dropped, however, as if the alarm itself had ceased; she seemed to have seen in a quick, though tempered glare that there were two courses for her, one to leave London again the first thing in the morning, the other to do nothing at all. Well, she would do nothing at all; she was already doing it; more than that, she had already done it, and her chance was gone. She gave herself up—she had the strangest sense, on the spot, of so deciding; for she had turned a corner before she went on again with Lord Mark. Inexpressive, but intensely significant, he met as no one else could have done the very question she had suddenly put to Mrs. Stringham on the Brünig. Should she have it, whatever she did have, that question had been, for long? "Ah, so possibly not," her neighbour appeared to reply; "therefore, don't you see? I'm the way." It was vivid that he might be, in spite of his absence of flourish; the way being doubtless just in that absence. The handsome girl, whom she didn't lose sight of and who, she felt, kept her also in view—Mrs. Lowder's striking niece would, perhaps, be the way as well, for in her too was the absence of flourish, though she had little else, so far as one could tell, in common with Lord Mark. Yet how indeed could one tell, what did one understand, and of what was one, for that matter, provisionally conscious but of their being somehow together in what they represented? Kate Croy, fine but friendly, looked over at her as really with a guess at Lord Mark's effect on her. If she could guess this effect what then did she know about it and in what degree had she felt it herself? Did that represent, as between them, anything particular, and should she have to count with them as duplicating, as intensifying by a mutual intelligence, the relation into which she was sinking? Nothing was so odd as that she should have to recognise so quickly in each of these glimpses of an instant the various signs of a relation; and this anomaly itself, had she had more time to give to it, might well, might almost terribly have suggested to her that her doom was to live fast. It was queerly a question of the short run and the consciousness proportionately crowded.

He made her wonder more and more; she almost felt like he was showing her visions while he spoke. Strangely enough, even though it was visions that had captivated her, she hadn't connected them—at least not in the necessary way—with a face like Lord Mark's, with those eyes, that voice, that tone, and that manner. For a moment, he made her question whether she was actually going to be afraid; it felt so real for about fifty seconds that a wave of fear washed over her. There they were again—yes, for sure: Susie's approach to Mrs. Lowder had been their joke, but they had pressed something electric in that gaiety that continued to resonate. While sitting there, she could almost hear a loud rattle in her ears, and she wondered why the others didn't seem to notice it. They didn’t stare, they didn’t smile, and the fear I’m talking about was just her own wish to end it. However, that feeling faded as if the alarm itself had stopped; she sensed, in a quick yet controlled flash, that she had two options: to leave London first thing in the morning or to do absolutely nothing. Well, she chose to do nothing at all; she was already doing it. More than that, she had already missed her chance, and there was no going back. She gave herself over to it—she felt an odd sense of resolution at that moment, as if she had turned a corner before moving forward with Lord Mark again. Inexpressive yet deeply significant, he addressed, unlike anyone else could have, the very question she had posed to Mrs. Stringham on the Brünig. Should she take whatever was there for her? That had been on her mind for a while. "Ah, maybe not," her neighbor seemed to reply, "so don’t you see? I'm the answer." It was clear that he could be, despite his lack of showiness; the answer was likely found in that very lack of flourish. The beautiful girl, whom she kept in sight and felt was also watching her—Mrs. Lowder’s striking niece—might also be the way, as she too lacked extravagance, though she seemed to have little else in common with Lord Mark. But how could one really tell what one understood, and what were they, for that matter, just fleetingly aware of except for their shared presence in what they represented? Kate Croy, charming yet approachable, glanced over at her, seemingly guessing at Lord Mark’s impact on her. If she could guess that effect, then what did she truly understand about it, and to what extent had she felt it herself? Did that signify something specific between them, and would she have to reckon with them as duplicating and intensifying by mutual understanding the relationship she was slipping into? It was so strange that she had to quickly recognize in each brief moment the different signs of a connection; and this very oddity, if she'd had more time to think about it, might have distressingly suggested to her that her fate was to live a life of rapid change. It was oddly about the short term and the crowded awareness that came with it.

These were immense excursions for the spirit of a young person at Mrs. Lowder's mere dinner-party; but what was so significant and so admonitory as the fact of their being possible? What could they have been but just a part, already, of the crowded consciousness? And it was just a part, likewise, that while plates were changed and dishes presented and periods in the banquet marked; while appearances insisted and phenomena multiplied and words reached her from here and there like plashes of a slow, thick tide; while Mrs. Lowder grew somehow more stout and more instituted and Susie, at her distance and in comparison, more thinly improvised and more different—different, that is, from every one and everything: it was just a part that while this process went forward our young lady alighted, came back, taking up her destiny again as if she had been able by a wave or two of her wings to place herself briefly in sight of an alternative to it. Whatever it was it had showed in this brief interval as better than the alternative; and it now presented itself altogether in the image and in the place in which she had left it. The image was that of her being, as Lord Mark had declared, a success. This depended more or less of course on his idea of the thing—into which at present, however, she wouldn't go. But, renewing soon, she had asked him what he meant then that Mrs. Lowder would do with her, and he had replied that this might safely be left. "She'll get back," he pleasantly said, "her money." He could say it too—which was singular—without affecting her either as vulgar or as "nasty "; and he had soon explained himself by adding: "Nobody here, you know, does anything for nothing."

These were huge experiences for the spirit of a young person at Mrs. Lowder's simple dinner party; but what was more significant and cautionary than the fact that they were even possible? What else could they have been but just part of the busy consciousness? And it was just a part, too, that while plates were being changed and dishes served and courses marked during the meal; while appearances mattered and situations multiplied and words reached her from all over like splashes from a slow, thick tide; while Mrs. Lowder somehow became stouter and more established and Susie, at her distance and in contrast, seemed more thinly improvised and more different—different, that is, from everyone and everything: it was just a part that while this process went on our young lady landed, came back, picking up her destiny again as if she had been able, with a wave or two of her wings, to briefly glimpse an alternative to it. Whatever it was had appeared in that short time as better than the alternative; and now it showed up completely in the form and place she had left it. The image was that of her being, as Lord Mark had declared, a success. This depended more or less, of course, on his idea of the concept—into which, for now, she wouldn't dive. But soon she had asked him what he thought Mrs. Lowder would do with her, and he had responded that this could be safely left alone. "She'll get back," he said cheerfully, "her money." He could say it too—which was unusual—without coming off as vulgar or "nasty"; and he soon clarified by adding: "Nobody here, you know, does anything for free."

"Ah, if you mean that we shall reward her as hard as ever we can, nothing is more certain. But she's an idealist," Milly continued, "and idealists, in the long run, I think, don't feel that they lose."

"Ah, if you mean that we'll reward her as much as we can, that's definitely true. But she's an idealist," Milly went on, "and idealists, in the end, I believe, don't feel like they lose."

Lord Mark seemed, within the limits of his enthusiasm, to find this charming. "Ah, she strikes you as an idealist?"

Lord Mark seemed, within the bounds of his excitement, to find this delightful. "Oh, does she come across to you as an idealist?"

"She idealises us, my friend and me, absolutely. She sees us in a light," said Milly. "That's all I've got to hold on by. So don't deprive me of it."

"She puts my friend and me on a pedestal, totally. She sees us in a good light," said Milly. "That's all I have to cling to. So please don't take that away from me."

"I wouldn't for the world. But do you think," he continued as if it were suddenly important for him—"do you think she sees me in a light?"

"I wouldn't for anything. But do you think," he went on as if it suddenly mattered to him—"do you think she sees me in a different way?"

She neglected his question for a little, partly because her attention attached itself more and more to the handsome girl, partly because, placed so near their hostess, she wished not to show as discussing her too freely. Mrs. Lowder, it was true, steering in the other quarter a course in which she called at subjects as if they were islets in an archipelago, continued to allow them their ease, and Kate Croy, at the same time, steadily revealed herself as interesting. Milly in fact found, of a sudden, her ease—found it all—as she bethought herself that what Mrs. Lowder was really arranging for was a report on her quality and, as perhaps might be said, her value from Lord Mark. She wished him, the wonderful lady, to have no pretext for not knowing what he thought of Miss Theale. Why his judgment so mattered remained to be seen; but it was this divination, in any case, that now determined Milly's rejoinder. "No. She knows you. She has probably reason to. And you all, here, know each other—I see that—so far as you know anything. You know what you're used to, and it's your being used to it—that, and that only—that makes you. But there are things you don't know."

She ignored his question for a bit, partly because her focus kept drifting to the attractive girl, and partly because, sitting so close to their hostess, she didn't want to seem like she was discussing her too openly. Mrs. Lowder, it was true, was steering the conversation towards various topics as if they were islands in an archipelago, and continued to give them space. At the same time, Kate Croy was steadily revealing herself to be interesting. Out of the blue, Milly found her composure—she realized that what Mrs. Lowder was really aiming for was to gather feedback on her quality and, one could say, her worth from Lord Mark. She wanted him, the remarkable lady, to have no reason for not understanding what he thought of Miss Theale. Why his opinion mattered remained unclear; yet it was this insight that influenced Milly's response. "No. She knows you. She probably has a reason to. And all of you here know each other—I can see that—at least as much as you know anything. You know what you're accustomed to, and it's that familiarity—that and nothing else—that defines you. But there are things you don't understand."

He took it in as if it might fairly, to do him justice, be a point. "Things that I don't—with all the pains I take and the way I've run about the world to leave nothing unlearned?"

He absorbed it as if it could justly be a point. "Things that I don't—with all the effort I put in and the way I’ve traveled around the world to learn everything?"

Milly thought, and it was perhaps the very truth of his claim—its not being negligible—that sharpened her impatience and thereby her wit. "You're blasé, but you're not enlightened. You're familiar with everything, but conscious, really of nothing. What I mean is that you've no imagination."

Milly thought, and maybe it was the very truth of his claim—its significance—that increased her impatience and her cleverness. "You're blasé, but you're not enlightened. You're aware of everything, but you're not truly conscious of anything. What I mean is that you have no imagination."

Lord Mark, at this, threw back his head, ranging with his eyes the opposite side of the room and showing himself at last so much more completely as diverted that it fairly attracted their hostess's notice. Mrs. Lowder, however, only smiled on Milly for a sign that something racy was what she had expected, and resumed, with a splash of her screw, her cruise among the islands. "Oh, I've heard that," the young man replied, "before!"

Lord Mark, at this, threw back his head, scanning the opposite side of the room and showing himself so much more completely entertained that it caught their hostess's attention. Mrs. Lowder, however, just smiled at Milly, indicating that she expected something interesting, and continued her journey among the islands with a splash of her drink. "Oh, I've heard that," the young man replied, "before!"

"There it is then. You've heard everything before. You've heard me of course before, in my country, often enough."

"There it is. You've heard it all before. You've heard me before, of course, in my country, plenty of times."

"Oh, never too often," he protested; "I'm sure I hope I shall still hear you again and again."

"Oh, not too often," he protested; "I'm sure I hope I’ll still hear you again and again."

"But what good then has it done you?" the girl went on as if now frankly to amuse him.

"But what good has that done you?" the girl continued, as if she was now just trying to entertain him.

"Oh, you'll see when you know me."

"Oh, you'll understand once you get to know me."

"But, most assuredly, I shall never know you."

"But I can say for sure, I'll never really know you."

"Then that will be exactly," he laughed, "the good!"

"Then that will be exactly," he laughed, "the good!"

If it established thus that they couldn't, or Wouldn't, mix, why, none the less, did Milly feel, through it, a perverse quickening of the relation to which she had been, in spite of herself, appointed?

If it was clear that they couldn't or wouldn't mix, why did Milly still feel a strange intensification of the connection to which she had been, despite herself, assigned?

What queerer consequence of their not mixing than their talking—for it was what they had arrived at—almost intimately? She wished to get away from him, or indeed, much rather, away from herself so far as she was present to him. She saw already—wonderful creature, after all, herself too—that there would be a good deal more of him to come for her, and that the special sign of their intercourse would be to keep herself out of the question. Everything else might come in—only never that; and with such an arrangement they might even go far. This in fact might quite have begun, on the spot, with her returning again to the topic of the handsome girl. If she was to keep herself out she could naturally best do so by putting in somebody else. She accordingly put in Kate Croy, being ready to that extent—as she was not at all afraid for her—to sacrifice her if necessary. Lord Mark himself, for that matter, had made it easy by saying a little while before that no one among them did anything for nothing. "What then"—she was aware of being abrupt—"does Miss Croy, if she's so interested, do it for? What has she to gain by her lovely welcome? Look at her now!" Milly broke out with characteristic freedom of praise, though pulling herself up also with a compunctious "Oh!" as the direction thus given to their eyes happened to coincide with a turn of Kate's face to them. All she had meant to do was to insist that this face was fine; but what she had in fact done was to renew again her effect of showing herself to its possessor as conjoined with Lord Mark for some interested view of it. He had, however, promptly met her question.

What stranger outcome of their not mixing than their talking—for that was what they had come to—almost intimately? She wanted to escape from him, or rather, much more so, away from herself as she was present to him. She already realized—wonderful creature, after all, herself too—that there was going to be a lot more of him in her future, and that the special sign of their interactions would be to keep herself out of the equation. Everything else could come into play—just not that; and with such an arrangement, they could even go far. This could have actually started right then and there, with her bringing up the topic of the attractive girl again. If she wanted to keep herself out, the best way to do so was by involving someone else. So she brought up Kate Croy, being willing enough—as she was not at all concerned for her—to sacrifice her if needed. Lord Mark himself had made it easy by saying a little while ago that no one among them did anything for free. "What then"—she recognized she was being abrupt—"does Miss Croy, if she's so interested, gain from it? What does she get from her lovely welcome? Look at her now!" Milly exclaimed with her usual candor, though she quickly reined herself in with a guilty "Oh!" as the focus they had just given their eyes happened to align with a turn of Kate's face towards them. All she intended to do was to emphasize that this face was beautiful; but what she actually did was to reinforce the impression of her being associated with Lord Mark for some self-serving reason regarding it. However, he promptly responded to her question.

"To gain? Why, your acquaintance."

"To gain? Your acquaintance."

"Well, what's my acquaintance to her? She can care for me—she must feel that—only by being sorry for me; and that's why she's lovely: to be already willing to take the trouble to be. It's the height of the disinterested."

"Well, what does my acquaintance mean to her? She can care for me—she must sense that—only by feeling sorry for me; and that's what makes her lovely: she's already willing to put in the effort to be there. It's the pinnacle of selflessness."

There were more things in this than one that Lord Mark might have taken up; but in a minute he had made his choice. "Ah then, I'm nowhere, for I'm afraid I'm not sorry for you in the least. What do you make then," he asked, "of your success?"

There were more things in this than one that Lord Mark could have addressed; but in a minute he had made his choice. "Ah, well, I'm out of the picture, because I'm not sorry for you at all. So what do you think about your success?"

"Why, just the great reason of all. It's just because our friend there sees it that she pities me. She understands," Milly said; "she's better than any of you. She's beautiful."

"Because that's the main reason of all. It's just that our friend over there feels sorry for me. She gets it," Milly said; "she's better than any of you. She's beautiful."

He appeared struck with this at last—with the point the girl made of it; to which she came back even after a diversion created by a dish presented between them. "Beautiful in character, I see. Is she so? You must tell me about her."

He seemed finally hit by this—by the point the girl made; she returned to it even after a distraction caused by a dish placed between them. "Beautiful in character, I see. Is she really? You have to tell me about her."

Milly wondered. "But haven't you known her longer than I? Haven't you seen her for yourself?"

Milly wondered, "But haven't you known her longer than I have? Haven't you seen her yourself?"

"No—I've failed with her. It's no use. I don't make her out. And I assure you I really should like to." His assurance had in fact for his companion a positive suggestion of sincerity; he affected her as now saying something that he felt; and she was the more struck with it as she was still conscious of the failure even of curiosity he had just shown in respect to herself. She had meant something—though indeed for herself almost only—in speaking of their friend's natural pity; it had been a note, doubtless, of questionable taste, but it had quavered out in spite of her; and he had not so much as cared to inquire "Why 'natural'?" Not that it wasn't really much better for her that he shouldn't: explanations would in truth have taken her much too far. Only she now perceived that, in comparison, her word about this other person really "drew" him; and there were things in that, probably, many things, as to which she would learn more and which glimmered there already as part and parcel of that larger "real" with which, in her new situation, she was to be beguiled. It was in fact at the very moment, this element, not absent from what Lord Mark was further saying. "So you're wrong, you see, as to our knowing all about each other. There are cases where we break down. I at any rate give her up—up, that is, to you. You must do her for me—tell me, I mean, when you know more. You'll notice," he pleasantly wound up, "that I've confidence in you."

"No—I've messed up with her. It's pointless. I just can't figure her out. And I really do want to." His sincerity seemed genuine to his companion; it felt like he was actually expressing something he felt. She was even more struck by this because she was still aware of his previous lack of curiosity about her. She had meant something—though mostly for her own sake—when she mentioned their friend's natural pity; it had been a somewhat inappropriate comment, but it had slipped out nonetheless, and he hadn't even bothered to ask, "Why 'natural'?" Not that it wasn't really better for her that he didn't; explanations would have taken her way too far. But now she realized that, in comparison, her comments about this other person genuinely interested him; and there were likely many things in that, things she would learn more about that already hinted at the larger "real" in her new situation that she was about to be drawn into. In fact, this was evident in what Lord Mark was saying next. "So you're mistaken, you see, about us knowing everything about each other. There are times when we fall short. I, at least, give her up—for you. You have to take care of her for me—let me know when you learn more. You'll see," he finished with a smile, "that I trust you."

"Why shouldn't you have?" Milly asked, observing in this, as she thought, a fine, though, for such a man, a surprisingly artless, fatuity. It was as if there might have been a question of her falsifying for the sake of her own show—that is of her honesty not being proof against her desire to keep well with him herself. She didn't, none the less, otherwise protest against his remark; there was something else she was occupied in seeing. It was the handsome girl alone, one of his own species and his own society, who had made him feel uncertain; of his certainties about a mere little American, a cheap exotic, imported almost wholesale, and whose habitat, with its conditions of climate, growth, and cultivation, its immense profusion, but its few varieties and thin development, he was perfectly satisfied. The marvel was, too, that Milly understood his satisfaction—feeling that she expressed the truth in presently saying: "Of course; I make out that she must be difficult; just as I see that I myself must be easy." And that was what, for all the rest of this occasion, remained with her—as the most interesting thing that could remain. She was more and more content herself to be easy; she would have been resigned, even had it been brought straighter home to her, to passing for a cheap exotic. Provisionally, at any rate, that protected her wish to keep herself, with Lord Mark, in abeyance. They had all affected her as inevitably knowing each other, and if the handsome girl's place among them was something even their initiation couldn't deal with—why, then, she would indeed be a quantity.

"Why shouldn't you?" Milly asked, noticing what she thought was a surprisingly naive foolishness for a man like him. It felt like there might have been a question about her being dishonest for her own sake—that is, her honesty not being strong enough to resist her desire to get along with him. Nonetheless, she didn’t push back against his comment; there was something else she was focused on. It was the beautiful girl, one of his own kind and social circle, who had made him feel unsure of his fixed ideas about a mere little American, a cheap exotic, brought in almost by the dozen, whose surroundings—with their climate, growth, and cultivation, their vast abundance but limited variety and shallow development—he was completely okay with. The surprising thing was that Milly got his contentment—she felt she was stating the truth when she said: "Of course; I figure she must be tough; just as I see that I myself must be easy." And that stuck with her for the rest of the occasion—as the most intriguing thing that could linger. She was increasingly comfortable being easy; she would have accepted, even if it had been made clearer, being seen as a cheap exotic. At least for now, that helped her wish to keep her relationship with Lord Mark in the background. They had all seemed to know each other inevitably, and if the beautiful girl’s place among them was something even their introduction couldn’t resolve—well, then, she would definitely be a factor.


VIII


That sense of quantities, separate or mixed, was indeed doubtless what most prevailed at first for our slightly gasping American pair; it found utterance for them in their frequent remark to each other that they had no one but themselves to thank. It dropped from Milly more than once that if she had ever known it was so easy—! though her exclamation mostly ended without completing her idea. This, however, was a trifle to Mrs. Stringham, who cared little whether she meant that in this case she would have come sooner. She couldn't have come sooner, and she perhaps, on the contrary, meant—for it would have been like her—that she wouldn't have come at all; why it was so easy being at any rate a matter as to which her companion had begun quickly to pick up views. Susie kept some of these lights for the present to herself, since, freely communicated, they might have been a little disturbing; with which, moreover, the quantities that we speak of as surrounding the two ladies were, in many cases, quantities of things—and of other things—to talk about. Their immediate lesson, accordingly, was that they just had been caught up by the incalculable strength of a wave that was actually holding them aloft and that would naturally dash them wherever it liked. They meanwhile, we hasten to add, make the best of their precarious position, and if Milly had had no other help for it she would have found not a little in the sight of Susan Shepherd's state. The girl had had nothing to say to her, for three days, about the "success" announced by Lord Mark—which they saw, besides, otherwise established; she was too taken up, too touched, by Susie's own exaltation. Susie glowed in the light of her justified faith; everything had happened that she had been acute enough to think least probable; she had appealed to a possible delicacy in Maud Manningham—a delicacy, mind you, but barely possible—and her appeal had been met in a way that was an honour to human nature. This proved sensibility of the lady of Lancaster Gate performed verily, for both our friends, during these first days, the office of a fine floating gold-dust, something that threw over the prospect a harmonising blur. The forms, the colours behind it were strong and deep—we have seen how they already stood out for Milly; but nothing, comparatively, had had so much of the dignity of truth as the fact of Maud's fidelity to a sentiment. That was what Susie was proud of, much more than of her great place in the world, which she was moreover conscious of not as yet wholly measuring. That was what was more vivid even than her being—in senses more worldly and in fact almost in the degree of a revelation—English and distinct and positive, with almost no inward, but with the finest outward resonance.

That understanding of amounts, whether separate or combined, was definitely what dominated at first for our slightly breathless American couple; they often expressed to each other that they had no one to thank but themselves. Milly mentioned more than once that if she had known it was this easy—! though her exclamation mostly ended before she finished her thought. This, however, was a minor detail for Mrs. Stringham, who didn’t care much if Milly meant that she would have arrived sooner in this case. She couldn’t have come sooner, and she perhaps meant—because it would have been typical of her—that she wouldn’t have come at all; why it was so easy was definitely something her companion had started to form opinions about quickly. Susie kept some of these insights to herself for the moment, as sharing them might have been a bit unsettling; moreover, the quantities surrounding the two ladies often involved things—and other subjects—to discuss. Their immediate lesson, then, was that they had just been swept up by an unpredictable force that was literally lifting them up and would naturally throw them wherever it wanted. Meanwhile, we should add that they made the best of their uncertain situation, and if Milly had no other support, she found some relief in seeing Susan Shepherd's state. The girl hadn’t said anything to her for three days about the "success" announced by Lord Mark—which they confirmed in other ways; she was too caught up, too moved by Susie's own joy. Susie shone with the light of her justified belief; everything had happened that she had been clever enough to consider least likely; she had appealed to a possible sensitivity in Maud Manningham—a sensitivity, mind you, but barely possible—and her appeal had been answered in a way that honored human nature. This sensitivity from the lady of Lancaster Gate, indeed, provided both our friends, during those first few days, with a fine shimmering dust, something that softened the view. The shapes and colors behind it were strong and rich—we’ve seen how they already stood out to Milly; but nothing, comparatively, held as much dignity of truth as Maud's loyalty to a feeling. That was what Susie was proud of, far more than her high status in the world, which she was also aware she had yet to fully comprehend. That was more vivid even than her existence—in ways more worldly and almost like a revelation—English, distinct, and positive, with hardly any inner resonance but the finest outer echo.

Susan Shepherd's word for her, again and again, was that she was "large"; yet it was not exactly a case, as to the soul, of echoing chambers: she might have been likened rather to a capacious receptacle, originally perhaps loose, but now drawn as tightly as possible over its accumulated contents—a packed mass, for her American admirer, of curious detail. When the latter good lady, at home, had handsomely figured her friends as not small—which was the way she mostly figured them—there was a certain implication that they were spacious because they were empty. Mrs. Lowder, by a different law, was spacious because she was full, because she had something in common, even in repose, with a projectile, of great size, loaded and ready for use. That indeed, to Susie's romantic mind, announced itself as half the charm of their renewal—a charm as of sitting in springtime, during a long peace, on the daisied, grassy bank of some great slumbering fortress. True to her psychological instincts, certainly, Mrs. Stringham had noted that the "sentiment" she rejoiced in on her old schoolmate's part was all a matter of action and movement, was not, save for the interweaving of a more frequent plump "dearest" than she would herself perhaps have used, a matter of much other embroidery. She brooded, with interest, on this further remark of race, feeling in her own spirit a different economy. The joy, for her, was to know why she acted—the reason was half the business; whereas with Mrs. Lowder there might have been no reason: "why" was the trivial seasoning-substance, the vanilla or the nutmeg, omittable from the nutritive pudding without spoiling it. Mrs. Lowder's desire was clearly sharp that their young companions should also prosper together; and Mrs. Stringham's account of it all to Milly, during the first days, was that when, at Lancaster Gate, she was not occupied in telling, as it were, about her, she was occupied in hearing much of the history of her hostess's brilliant niece.

Susan Shepherd kept calling her "large," but it wasn't really like a simple echo in a big room: she was more like a big container that started out loose but was now pulled tight over everything it held—a packed mass of interesting details for her American admirer. When that well-to-do lady at home described her friends as not small—which was her usual way of seeing them—it suggested they were spacious because they were empty. Mrs. Lowder, on the other hand, was spacious because she was full, having something in common with a large, ready-to-use projectile, even when she was at rest. For Susie's romantic mind, that was part of the charm of their renewed friendship—a charm like sitting in springtime, during a long peaceful time, on the flowery, grassy bank of a great, sleepy fortress. Mrs. Stringham, true to her psychological instincts, noticed that the "sentiment" she felt for her old classmate was all about action and movement, and aside from the frequent use of "dearest," it didn't involve much more embellishment. She pondered this additional observation about their nature, sensing a different perspective in her own spirit. For her, the joy was in knowing why she acted—the reason was a big part of it; while for Mrs. Lowder, there might not have been any reason at all: "why" was just the trivial seasoning, like vanilla or nutmeg, that could be left out without ruining the main dish. Mrs. Lowder clearly wanted their young companions to thrive together; and Mrs. Stringham’s description to Milly during those early days was that when she wasn’t busy talking about herself at Lancaster Gate, she was listening a lot about her hostess's impressive niece.

They had plenty, on these lines, the two elder women, to give and to take, and it was even not quite clear to the pilgrim from Boston that what she should mainly have arranged for in London was not a series of thrills for herself. She had a bad conscience, indeed almost a sense of immorality, in having to recognise that she was, as she said, carried away. She laughed to Milly when she also said that she didn't know where it would end; and the principal of her uneasiness was that Mrs. Lowder's life bristled for her with elements that she was really having to look at for the first time. They represented, she believed, the world, the world that, as a consequence of the cold shoulder turned to it by the Pilgrim Fathers, had never yet boldly crossed to Boston—it would surely have sunk the stoutest Cunarder—and she couldn't pretend that she faced the prospect simply because Milly had had a caprice. She was in the act herself of having one, directed precisely to their present spectacle. She could but seek strength in the thought that she had never had one—or had never yielded to one, which came to the same thing—before. The sustaining sense of it all, moreover, as literary material—that quite dropped from her. She must wait, at any rate, she should see: it struck her, so far as she had got, as vast, obscure, lurid. She reflected in the watches of the night that she was probably just going to love it for itself—that is for itself and Milly. The odd thing was that she could think of Milly's loving it without dread—or with dread, at least not on the score of conscience, only on the score of peace. It was a mercy, at all events, for the hour, that their fancies jumped together.

They had a lot to give and take, those two older women, and it wasn’t entirely clear to the pilgrim from Boston that what she really needed to plan for in London wasn’t a bunch of thrills for herself. She felt a bit guilty, even a sense of immorality, realizing that she was, as she put it, getting swept away. She laughed with Milly when she said she didn’t know where it would lead; her main worry was that Mrs. Lowder's life presented new things for her to experience, things she was actually seeing for the first time. She thought they represented the world—the world that, because the Pilgrim Fathers turned their backs on it, had never really reached Boston. It would have definitely overwhelmed the strongest ship. She couldn't pretend that she was facing this opportunity just because Milly whimsically desired it. In fact, she herself was having a whim, specifically about their current situation. She could only draw strength from the thought that she had never had one—or had never given in to one, which amounted to the same thing—before. The idea of it all, as something to write about, completely faded from her mind. She had to wait, anyway, and she would see: so far, it seemed vast, unclear, and intense. During the long hours of the night, she thought she was probably going to love it for itself—that is, for itself and Milly. The strange thing was that she could imagine Milly loving it too without feeling scared—or if she did feel scared, it wasn’t out of guilt, but just for the sake of maintaining peace. It was a relief, at least for the moment, that their imaginations were in sync.

While, for this first week that followed their dinner, she drank deep at Lancaster Gate, her companion was no less happily, appeared to be indeed on the whole quite as romantically, provided for. The handsome English girl from the heavy English house had been as a figure in a picture stepping by magic out of its frame: it was a case, in truth, for which Mrs. Stringham presently found the perfect image. She had lost none of her grasp, but quite the contrary, of that other conceit in virtue of which Milly was the wandering princess: so what could be more in harmony now than to see the princess waited upon at the city gate by the worthiest maiden, the chosen daughter of the burgesses? It was the real again, evidently, the amusement of the meeting for the princess too; princesses living for the most part, in such an appeased way, on the plane of mere elegant representation. That was why they pounced, at city gates, on deputed flower-strewing damsels; that was why, after effigies, processions, and other stately games, frank human company was pleasant to them. Kate Croy really presented herself to Milly—the latter abounded for Mrs. Stringham in accounts of it—as the wondrous London girl in person, by what she had conceived, from far back, of the London girl; conceived from the tales of travellers and the anecdotes of New York, from old porings over Punch and a liberal acquaintance with the fiction of the day. The only thing was that she was nicer, for the creature in question had rather been, to our young woman, an image of dread. She had thought of her, at her best, as handsome just as Kate was, with turns of head and tones of voice, felicities of stature and attitude, things "put on" and, for that matter, put off, all the marks of the product of a packed society who should be at the same time the heroine of a strong story. She placed this striking young person from the first in a story, saw her, by a necessity of the imagination, for a heroine, felt it the only character in which she wouldn't be wasted; and this in spite of the heroine's pleasant abruptness, her forbearance from gush, her umbrellas and jackets and shoes—as these things sketched themselves to Milly—and something rather of a breezy boy in the carriage of her arms and the occasional freedom of her slang.

While, for the first week after their dinner, she thoroughly enjoyed herself at Lancaster Gate, her companion seemed to be just as happily and romantically taken care of. The beautiful English girl from the prominent English family appeared like a figure magically stepping out of a painting: it was a scenario that Mrs. Stringham soon found the perfect image for. She had lost none of her understanding, but quite the opposite, of the other idea that Milly was the wandering princess: so what could be more fitting than to see the princess attended to at the city gate by the finest maiden, the chosen daughter of the townspeople? It was real again, clearly, the fun of the meeting for the princess too; princesses mostly live, in a satisfied way, on the level of mere elegant display. That’s why they seize upon designated flower-strewing girls at city gates; that’s why, after effigies, processions, and other grand events, genuine human company was enjoyable for them. Kate Croy really presented herself to Milly—the latter couldn’t stop talking to Mrs. Stringham about it—as the incredible London girl in the flesh, based on what she had imagined, from long ago, of the London girl; imagined from stories of travelers and anecdotes from New York, from old readings of Punch and a good familiarity with contemporary fiction. The only difference was that she was nicer, since the girl in question had seemed somewhat intimidating to our young woman. She had pictured her, at her best, as beautiful just like Kate, with how she moved her head and spoke, the advantages of her height and posture, all the marks of someone from a sophisticated society who should also be the heroine of a captivating story. She placed this striking young woman right away in a story, saw her, by necessity of imagination, as a heroine, believing that was the only role in which she wouldn’t be wasted; and this was despite the heroine's charming directness, her avoidance of excessive sentiment, her umbrellas and jackets and shoes—as these things came to mind for Milly—and something of a breezy boyishness in the way she carried herself and her occasional use of slang.

When Milly had settled that the extent of her goodwill itself made her shy, she had found for the moment quite a sufficient key, and they were by that time thoroughly afloat together. This might well have been the happiest hour they were to know, attacking in friendly independence their great London—the London of shops and streets and suburbs oddly interesting to Milly, as well as of museums, monuments, "sights" oddly unfamiliar to Kate, while their elders pursued a separate course, both rejoicing in their intimacy and each thinking the other's young woman a great acquisition for her own. Milly expressed to Susan Shepherd more than once that Kate had some secret, some smothered trouble, besides all the rest of her history; and that if she had so good-naturedly helped Mrs. Lowder to meet them this was exactly to create a diversion, to give herself something else to think about. But on the case thus postulated our young American had as yet had no light: she only felt that when the light should come it would greatly deepen the colour; and she liked to think she was prepared for anything. What she already knew, moreover, was full to her vision, of English, of eccentric, of Thackerayan character, Kate Croy having gradually become not a little explicit on the subject of her situation, her past, her present, her general predicament, her small success, up to the present hour, in contenting at the same time her father, her sister, her aunt and herself. It was Milly's subtle guess, imparted to her Susie, that the girl had somebody else as well, as yet unnamed, to content, it being manifest that such a creature couldn't help having; a creature not perhaps, if one would, exactly formed to inspire passions, since that always implied a certain silliness, but essentially seen, by the admiring eye of friendship, under the clear shadow of some probably eminent male interest. The clear shadow, from whatever source projected, hung, at any rate, over Milly's companion the whole week, and Kate Croy's handsome face smiled out of it, under bland skylights, in the presence alike of old masters passive in their glory and of thoroughly new ones, the newest, who bristled restlessly with pins and brandished snipping shears.

When Milly realized that the extent of her goodwill made her shy, she felt she had found a key for the moment, and by that time, they were completely in sync. This might well have been the happiest hour they would experience, exploring their great London together—the London of shops, streets, and suburbs, which was oddly fascinating to Milly and filled with museums, monuments, and sights that were unfamiliar to Kate. Meanwhile, their elders followed a separate path, both enjoying their closeness and each thinking that the other’s young woman was a great addition to their lives. Milly mentioned to Susan Shepherd more than once that Kate had some secret, some hidden trouble, in addition to everything else about her past; and that if she had kindly helped Mrs. Lowder meet them, it was precisely to create a diversion, to give herself something else to think about. But with the situation she had proposed, our young American had no insight yet: she only sensed that when clarity came, it would greatly deepen the meaning of things, and she liked to think she was ready for anything. What she already knew was vivid in her mind, full of English, quirky, and Thackeray-like character, since Kate Croy had gradually become quite open about her situation, her past, her present, and her overall predicament, as well as her limited success up until now in pleasing her father, her sister, her aunt, and herself. Milly subtly guessed, and communicated to her Susie, that the girl had someone else to satisfy as well, someone not yet named, as it was obvious that someone like her couldn’t help but have that; a person who wasn’t perhaps exactly designed to spark passions, since that always implied a certain foolishness, but who was essentially seen, through the admiring gaze of friendship, in the clear shadow of some likely prominent male interest. That clear shadow, from whatever source it came, loomed over Milly's companion throughout the week, and Kate Croy's beautiful face shone from it, under gentle light, in the presence of both old masters passive in their glory and thoroughly new ones, the latest, who were restlessly brimming with pins and wielding snipping shears.

It was meanwhile a pretty part of the intercourse of these young ladies that each thought the other more remarkable than herself—that each thought herself, or assured the other she did, a comparatively dusty object and the other a favourite of nature and of fortune. Kate was amused, amazed at the way her friend insisted on "taking" her, and Milly wondered if Kate were sincere in finding her the most extraordinary—quite apart from her being the most charming—person she had come across. They had talked, in long drives, and quantities of history had not been wanting—in the light of which Mrs. Lowder's niece might superficially seem to have had the best of the argument. Her visitor's American references, with their bewildering immensities, their confounding moneyed New York, their excitements of high pressure, their opportunities of wild freedom, their record of used-up relatives, parents, clever, eager, fair, slim brothers—these the most loved—all engaged, as well as successive superseded guardians, in a high extravagance of speculation and dissipation that had left this exquisite being her black dress, her white face and her vivid hair as the mere last broken link: such a picture quite threw into the shade the brief biography, however sketchily amplified, of a mere middle-class nobody in Bayswater. And though that indeed might be but a Bayswater way of putting it, in addition to which Milly was in the stage of interest in Bayswater ways, this critic so far prevailed that, like Mrs. Stringham herself, she fairly got her companion to accept from her that she was quite the nearest approach to a practical princess Bayswater could hope ever to know. It was a fact—it became one at the end of three days—that Milly actually began to borrow from the handsome girl a sort of view of her state; the handsome girl's impression of it was clearly so sincere. This impression was a tribute, a tribute positively to power, power the source of which was the last thing Kate treated as a mystery. There were passages, under all their skylights, the succession of their shops being large, in which the latter's easy, yet the least bit dry manner sufficiently gave out that if she had had so deep a pocket——!

It was an interesting aspect of the relationship between these young women that each believed the other was more remarkable than herself—that each saw herself, or told the other she did, as a relatively unremarkable person and the other as a favorite of nature and fortune. Kate was amused, amazed at how her friend insisted on "taking" her, and Milly wondered if Kate was genuinely sincere in considering her the most extraordinary—apart from being the most charming—person she had ever met. They had talked during their long drives, sharing plenty of histories, which might superficially suggest that Mrs. Lowder's niece had the upper hand in their discussions. The references from her visitor about America, with its bewildering vastness, its overwhelming financial realities in New York, its high-pressure excitements, its wild freedoms, its stories of relatives and parents, clever, eager, slender brothers—all deeply involved, along with various previous guardians, in a dizzying cycle of speculation and indulgence—left this beautiful girl with just her black dress, her pale complexion, and her striking hair as a mere remnant of it all: such an image completely overshadowed the brief biography, however briefly expanded, of an ordinary middle-class nobody from Bayswater. And though that might just be a Bayswater way of expressing it, especially since Milly was interested in Bayswater customs, this point of view resonated enough that, like Mrs. Stringham herself, she managed to get her friend to acknowledge that she was really the closest thing to a practical princess Bayswater could ever hope to know. It was a fact—it became one after three days—that Milly actually began to adopt a sort of perspective on her situation from the attractive girl; the attractive girl's view on it was clearly very sincere. This perspective was a tribute, a tribute unmistakably to power, the source of which was the last thing Kate considered a mystery. There were moments, amid all their skylights and extensive shops, where Kate's easy, slightly aloof demeanor made it clear that if she had such deep pockets——!

It was not moreover by any means with not having the imagination of expenditure that she appeared to charge her friend, but with not having the imagination of terror, of thrift, the imagination or in any degree the habit of a conscious dependence on others. Such moments, when all Wigmore Street, for instance, seemed to rustle about and the pale girl herself to be facing the different rustlers, usually so undiscriminated, as individual Britons too, Britons personal, parties to a relation and perhaps even intrinsically remarkable—such moments in especial determined in Kate a perception of the high happiness of her companion's liberty. Milly's range was thus immense; she had to ask nobody for anything, to refer nothing to any one; her freedom, her fortune and her fancy were her law; an obsequious world surrounded her, she could sniff up at every step its fumes. And Kate, in these days, was altogether in the phase of forgiving her so much bliss; in the phase moreover of believing that, should they continue to go on together, she would abide in that generosity. She had, at such a point as this, no suspicion of a rift within the lute—by which we mean not only none of anything's coming between them, but none of any definite flaw in so much clearness of quality. Yet, all the same, if Milly, at Mrs. Lowder's banquet, had described herself to Lord Mark as kindly used by the young woman on the other side because of some faintly-felt special propriety in it, so there really did match with this, privately, on the young woman's part, a feeling not analysed but divided, a latent impression that Mildred Theale was not, after all, a person to change places, to change even chances with. Kate, verily, would perhaps not quite have known what she meant by this reservation, and she came near naming it only when she said to herself that, rich as Milly was, one probably wouldn't—which was singular—ever hate her for it. The handsome girl had, with herself, these felicities and crudities: it wasn't obscure to her that, without some very particular reason to help, it might have proved a test of one's philosophy not to be irritated by a mistress of millions, or whatever they were, who, as a girl, so easily might have been, like herself, only vague and fatally female. She was by no means sure of liking Aunt Maud as much as she deserved, and Aunt Maud's command of funds was obviously inferior to Milly's. There was thus clearly, as pleading for the latter, some influence that would later on become distinct; and meanwhile, decidedly, it was enough that she was as charming as she was queer and as queer as she was charming—all of which was a rare amusement; as well, for that matter, as further sufficient that there were objects of value she had already pressed on Kate's acceptance. A week of her society in these conditions—conditions that Milly chose to sum up as ministering immensely, for a blind, vague pilgrim, to aid and comfort—announced itself from an early hour as likely to become a week of presents, acknowledgments, mementos, pledges of gratitude and admiration that were all on one side. Kate as promptly embraced the propriety of making it clear that she must forswear shops till she should receive some guarantee that the contents of each one she entered as a humble companion should not be placed at her feet; yet that was in truth not before she had found herself in possession, under whatever protests, of several precious ornaments and other minor conveniences.

It wasn't exactly that she was blaming her friend for being extravagant; it was more about the lack of a sense of fear or caution, the absence of an awareness of depending on others. Moments like when Wigmore Street seemed to sway around them, and the pale girl stood there facing different faces, typically indistinct, made Kate acutely aware of the immense joy that came from her companion's freedom. Milly had a wide range of choices; she never had to ask anyone for anything, nor did she refer to anyone else. Her freedom, wealth, and desires were her rules, and a fawning world surrounded her, its scent wafting around at every turn. And during this time, Kate was completely in a mindset of forgiving her for all that happiness and believed that as long as they continued to be together, she would keep that generosity. At that point, she had no inkling of any rift between them—meaning there was nothing coming between them, nor any clear flaw in the clarity of their relationship. Yet, if Milly had mentioned at Mrs. Lowder's dinner that the young woman had treated her well for some faint sense of propriety, there was a conflicting feeling on the young woman's side, a feeling not fully analyzed but sensed, that Mildred Theale wasn't, after all, someone she could swap places or opportunities with. Honestly, Kate probably wouldn’t have fully understood what that meant, and she almost spoke it out loud when she thought that, as wealthy as Milly was, one likely wouldn’t—strangely—ever resent her for it. The attractive girl had both her joys and her blunt realities: it was clear to her that without a very specific reason to assist, it could have been challenging not to feel annoyed by someone with millions who, as a girl, could have easily been just as vague and stereotypically feminine as she was. She wasn't completely sure she liked Aunt Maud as much as she should, and Aunt Maud’s financial means were clearly not as great as Milly's. Thus, there clearly was some influence supporting Milly that would eventually become more evident; and meanwhile, it was certainly enough that Milly was as delightful as she was odd and as odd as she was delightful—all of which was a unique amusement; and it was also enough that there were valuable things she had already encouraged Kate to accept. A week spent in her company under these conditions—conditions that Milly preferred to sum up as immensely helping a blind, vague traveler with aid and comfort—promised from an early hour to be a week filled with gifts, acknowledgments, mementos, and pledges of gratitude and admiration, all coming from one side. Kate quickly understood that she needed to make it clear that she would avoid shops until she received some assurance that nothing in any store she entered as a humble companion would be offered to her without her consent; yet that promise came only after she found herself with several precious ornaments and other minor luxuries, despite her protests.

Great was the absurdity, too, that there should have come a day, by the end of the week, when it appeared that all Milly would have asked in definite "return," as might be said, was to be told a little about Lord Mark and to be promised the privilege of a visit to Mrs. Condrip. Far other amusements had been offered her, but her eagerness was shamelessly human, and she seemed really to count more on the revelation of the anxious lady of Chelsea than on the best nights of the opera. Kate admired, and showed it, such an absence of fear: to the fear of being bored, in such a connection, she would have been so obviously entitled. Milly's answer to this was the plea of her curiosities—which left her friend wondering as to their odd direction. Some among them, no doubt, were rather more intelligible, and Kate had heard without wonder that she was blank about Lord Mark. This young lady's account of him, at the same time, professed itself as frankly imperfect; for what they best knew him by at Lancaster Gate was a thing difficult to explain. One knew people in general by something they had to show, something that, either for them or against, could be touched or named or proved; and she could think of no other case of a value taken as so great and yet flourishing untested. His value was his future, which had somehow got itself as accepted by Aunt Maud as if it had been his good cook or his steam-launch. She, Kate, didn't mean she thought him a humbug; he might do great things—but they were all, as yet, so to speak, he had done. On the other hand it was of course something of an achievement, and not open to every one, to have got one's self taken so seriously by Aunt Maud. The best thing about him, doubtless, on the whole, was that Aunt Maud believed in him. She was often fantastic, but she knew a humbug, and—no, Lord Mark wasn't that. He had been a short time in the House, on the Tory side, but had lost his seat on the first opportunity, and this was all he had to point to. However, he pointed to nothing; which was very possibly just a sign of his real cleverness, one of those that the really clever had in common with the really void. Even Aunt Maud frequently admitted that there was a good deal, for her view of him, to come up in the rear. And he wasn't meanwhile himself indifferent—indifferent to himself—for he was working Lancaster Gate for all it was worth: just as it was, no doubt, working him, and just as the working and the worked were in London, as one might explain, the parties to every relation.

It was ridiculous that there came a day, by the end of the week, when it seemed that all Milly would have asked in clear "return," as you could say, was to hear a little about Lord Mark and to be promised the chance to visit Mrs. Condrip. She had been offered much more exciting options, but her eagerness was openly human, and she seemed genuinely more interested in hearing from the worried lady of Chelsea than in enjoying the best nights at the opera. Kate admired, and made it clear, Milly's complete lack of fear: she would have had every right to be afraid of being bored in such a situation. Milly's response was based on her curiosities—which left her friend puzzled about their strange focus. Some of them, without a doubt, were easier to understand, and Kate had heard with surprise that she was completely in the dark about Lord Mark. This young woman had openly acknowledged her incomplete understanding of him; after all, what they knew best about him at Lancaster Gate was hard to explain. People were generally known by something they could show, something that could be touched, named, or proved, while she couldn't think of any other case where something valued so highly remained untested. His value was his future, which Aunt Maud had somehow accepted as if it were his good cook or his steam-launch. Kate didn’t mean to suggest she thought he was a fraud; he might accomplish great things—but for now, everything he had done was still in his future. On the other hand, it was certainly an accomplishment, not something everyone achieved, to have been taken seriously by Aunt Maud. The best thing about him, overall, was that Aunt Maud believed in him. She was often outlandish, but she could spot a fraud, and—no, Lord Mark wasn’t that. He had been in the House for a short time on the Tory side but lost his seat at the first opportunity, and that was all he had to show for it. However, he didn’t point to anything; which might very well indicate his true cleverness, something that the genuinely clever shared with the truly lacking. Even Aunt Maud often admitted that there was a lot she needed to learn about him. Meanwhile, he wasn’t indifferent—he didn’t ignore himself—because he was using Lancaster Gate to his advantage: just as it was, no doubt, using him, and just as both the users and the used were in London, as one might say, the parties to every relationship.

Kate did explain, for her listening friend: every one who had anything to give—it was true they were the fewest—made the sharpest possible bargain for it, got at least its value in return. The strangest thing, furthermore, was that this might be, in cases, a happy understanding. The worker in one connection was the worked in another; it was as broad as it was long—with the wheels of the system, as might be seen, wonderfully oiled. People could quite like each other in the midst of it, as Aunt Maud, by every appearance, quite liked Lord Mark, and as Lord Mark, it was to be hoped, liked Mrs. Lowder, since if he didn't he was a greater brute than one could believe. She, Kate, had not yet, it was true, made out what he was doing for her—besides which the dear woman needed him, even at the most he could do, much less than she imagined; so far as all of which went, moreover, there were plenty of things on every side she had not yet made out. She believed, on the whole, in any one Aunt Maud took up; and she gave it to Milly as worth thinking of that, whatever wonderful people this young lady might meet in the land, she would meet no more extraordinary woman. There were greater celebrities by the million, and of course greater swells, but a bigger person, by Kate's view, and a larger natural handful every way, would really be far to seek. When Milly inquired with interest if Kate's belief in her was primarily on the lines of what Mrs. Lowder "took up," her interlocutress could handsomely say yes, since by the same principle she believed in herself. Whom but Aunt Maud's niece, pre-eminently, had Aunt Maud taken up, and who was thus more in the current, with her, of working and of being worked? "You may ask," Kate said, "what in the world I have to give; and that indeed is just what I'm trying to learn. There must be something, for her to think she can get it out of me. She will get it—trust her; and then I shall see what it is; which I beg you to believe I should never have found out for myself." She declined to treat any question of Milly's own "paying" power as discussable; that Milly would pay a hundred per cent.—and even to the end, doubtless, through the nose—was just the beautiful basis on which they found themselves.

Kate explained to her listening friend that everyone who had something to offer—though they were the fewest—made the best possible deal for it, getting at least its worth in return. The strangest thing was that this could sometimes be a happy understanding. The worker in one situation was the one being worked in another; it was all even—like the wheels of the system, which were, as could be seen, wonderfully greased. People could genuinely enjoy each other's company in the midst of it, as Aunt Maud seemed to truly like Lord Mark, and hopefully, Lord Mark liked Mrs. Lowder, because if he didn't, he was a bigger jerk than one could imagine. Kate hadn’t figured out yet what he was doing for her—besides, the dear woman needed him, even at his maximum, much less than she thought; there were many things on all sides that she still hadn’t understood. Overall, she believed in anyone Aunt Maud favored; she told Milly it was worth considering that, no matter what remarkable people this young lady might meet in the world, she wouldn’t encounter a more extraordinary woman. There were bigger celebrities by the million, and certainly more fashionable people, but a bigger person, in Kate's opinion, and a more substantial individual in every way, would truly be hard to find. When Milly curiously asked if Kate's belief in her was mainly based on what Mrs. Lowder "took up," Kate could confidently say yes, since she believed in herself for the same reasons. Who else but Aunt Maud's niece, of all people, had Aunt Maud taken up, making her more in tune with the current of working and being worked? "You might wonder," Kate said, "what I really have to give, and that's exactly what I'm trying to figure out. There must be something for her to think she can get it from me. She will get it—trust her; and then I'll see what it is, which, I assure you, I would never have discovered on my own." She refused to discuss any question about Milly’s own "paying" potential; that Milly would pay a hundred percent—and even in the end, probably, through the nose—was simply the wonderful foundation on which they found themselves.

These were fine facilities, pleasantries, ironies, all these luxuries of gossip and philosophies of London and of life, and they became quickly, between the pair, the common form of talk, Milly professing herself delighted to know that something was to be done with her. If the most remarkable woman in England was to do it, so much the better, and if the most remarkable woman in England had them both in hand together, why, what could be jollier for each? When she reflected indeed a little on the oddity of her wanting two at once, Kate had the natural reply that it was exactly what showed her sincerity. She invariably gave way to feeling, and feeling had distinctly popped up in her on the advent of her girlhood's friend. The way the cat would jump was always, in presence of anything that moved her, interesting to see; visibly enough, moreover, for a long time, it hadn't jumped anything like so far. This, in fact, as we already know, remained the marvel for Milly Theale, who, on sight of Mrs. Lowder, found fifty links in respect to Susie absent from the chain of association. She knew so herself what she thought of Susie that she would have expected the lady of Lancaster Gate to think something quite different; the failure of which endlessly mystified her. But her mystification was the cause for her of another fine impression, inasmuch as when she went so far as to observe to Kate that Susan Shepherd—and especially Susan Shepherd emerging so uninvited from an irrelevant past—ought, by all the proprieties, simply to have bored Aunt Maud, her confidant agreed with her without a protest and abounded in the sense of her wonder. Susan Shepherd at least bored the niece—that was plain; this young woman saw nothing in her—nothing to account for anything, not even for Milly's own indulgence: which little fact became in turn to the latter's mind a fact of significance. It was a light on the handsome girl—representing more than merely showed—that poor Susie was simply as nought to her. This was, in a manner too, a general admonition to poor Susie's companion, who seemed to see marked by it the direction in which she had best most look out.

These were nice facilities, small talk, ironies, all the luxuries of gossip and the philosophies of London and life, and they quickly became the usual way of conversing between the two. Milly expressed her delight in knowing that something was being done for her. If the most remarkable woman in England was behind it, that was even better, and if the most remarkable woman in England had both of them in mind, well, what could be more enjoyable for each of them? When she considered the oddity of wanting both at once, Kate naturally replied that it showed her sincerity. She always let her feelings take over, and those feelings had definitely bubbled up when her childhood friend arrived. The way her emotions would spring into action was always interesting to observe, especially since, for a long time, they hadn’t jumped nearly as high. This, as we already know, remained a mystery for Milly Theale, who, upon seeing Mrs. Lowder, noticed that fifty links connected to Susie were missing from her chain of associations. She understood what she thought of Susie and would have expected the lady from Lancaster Gate to think something entirely different; the absence of that was endlessly puzzling for her. But her confusion gave rise to another positive impression because when she pointed out to Kate that Susan Shepherd — and especially Susan Shepherd popping up uninvited from an irrelevant past — should, by all standards, have simply bored Aunt Maud, her confidant agreed without any objection and shared in her wonder. Susan Shepherd at least bored the niece — that was clear; this young woman saw nothing in her — nothing that explained anything, not even Milly's own fondness: which small fact then became significant to Milly. It cast light on the attractive girl—showing more than what was immediately obvious—that poor Susie was basically nothing to her. This was, in a sense, a general warning to poor Susie's companion, who seemed to recognize the direction she needed to be wary of.

It just faintly rankled in her that a person who was good enough and to spare for Milly Theale shouldn't be good enough for another girl; though, oddly enough, she could easily have forgiven Mrs. Lowder herself the impatience. Mrs. Lowder didn't feel it, and Kate Croy felt it with ease; yet in the end, be it added, she grasped the reason, and the reason enriched her mind. Wasn't it sufficiently the reason that the handsome girl was, with twenty other splendid qualities, the least bit brutal too, and didn't she suggest, as no one yet had ever done for her new friend, that there might be a wild beauty in that, and even a strange grace? Kate wasn't brutally brutal—which Milly had hitherto benightedly supposed the only way; she wasn't even aggressively so, but rather indifferently, defensively and, as might be said, by the habit of anticipation. She simplified in advance, was beforehand with her doubts, and knew with singular quickness what she wasn't, as they said in New York, going to like. In that way at least people were clearly quicker in England than at home; and Milly could quite see, after a little, how such instincts might become usual in a world in which dangers abounded. There were more dangers, clearly, round about Lancaster Gate than one suspected in New York or could dream of in Boston. At all events, with more sense of them, there were more precautions, and it was a remarkable world altogether in which there could be precautions, on whatever ground, against Susie.

It slightly bothered her that someone who was more than good enough for Milly Theale wasn't good enough for another girl. Oddly enough, she could easily forgive Mrs. Lowder for her impatience. Mrs. Lowder didn't feel it, but Kate Croy felt it easily; yet in the end, it should be noted, she understood the reason, and that understanding enriched her mind. Wasn't it enough that the attractive girl, with twenty other amazing qualities, was just a little brutal too, and didn't she suggest, as no one had done for her new friend before, that there might be a wild beauty in that, and even a strange grace? Kate wasn't brutally brutal—which Milly had unfortunately believed was the only way; she wasn't even aggressively so, but rather indifferently, defensively, and, one might say, out of the habit of expecting it. She simplified in advance, anticipated her doubts, and quickly knew what she wasn't, as they said in New York, going to like. In that sense at least, people were clearly quicker in England than back home; and Milly could soon see how such instincts might become common in a world filled with dangers. There were definitely more dangers around Lancaster Gate than one might suspect in New York or could even imagine in Boston. In any case, with a greater awareness of them, there were more precautions, and it was a remarkable world altogether where there could be precautions, for any reason, against Susie.


IX


She certainly made up with Susie directly, however, for any allowance she might have had privately to extend to tepid appreciation; since the late and long talks of these two embraced not only everything offered and suggested by the hours they spent apart, but a good deal more besides. She might be as detached as the occasion required at four o'clock in the afternoon, but she used no such freedom to any one about anything as she habitually used about everything to Susan Shepherd at midnight. All the same, it should with much less delay than this have been mentioned, she had not yet—had not, that is, at the end of six days—produced any news for her comrade to compare with an announcement made her by the latter as a result of a drive with Mrs. Lowder, for a change, in the remarkable Battersea Park. The elder friends had sociably revolved there while the younger ones followed bolder fancies in the admirable equipage appointed to Milly at the hotel—a heavier, more emblazoned, more amusing chariot than she had ever, with "stables" notoriously mismanaged, known at home; whereby, in the course of the circuit, more than once repeated, it had "come out," as Mrs. Stringham said, that the couple at Lancaster Gate were, of all people, acquainted with Mildred's other English friend—the gentleman, the one connected with the English newspaper (Susie hung fire a little over his name) who had been with her in New York so shortly previous to present adventures. He had been named of course in Battersea Park—else he couldn't have been identified; and Susie had naturally, before she could produce her own share in the matter as a kind of confession, to make it plain that her allusion was to Mr. Merton Densher. This was because Milly had at first a little air of not knowing whom she meant; and the girl really kept, as well, a certain control of herself while she remarked that the case was surprising, the chance one in a thousand. They knew him, both Maud and Miss Croy knew him, she gathered too, rather well, though indeed it was not on any show of intimacy that he had happened to be mentioned. It had not been—Susie made the point—she herself who brought him in: he had in fact not been brought in at all, but only referred to as a young journalist known to Mrs. Lowder and who had lately gone to their wonderful country—Mrs. Lowder always said "your wonderful country"—on behalf of his journal. But Mrs. Stringham had taken it up—with the tips of her fingers indeed; and that was the confession: she had, without meaning any harm, recognised Mr. Densher as an acquaintance of Milly's, though she had also pulled herself up before getting in too far. Mrs. Lowder had been struck, clearly—it wasn't too much to say; then she also, it had rather seemed, had pulled herself up; and there had been a little moment during which each might have been keeping something from the other. "Only," said Milly's mate, "I luckily remembered in time that I had nothing whatever to keep—which was much simpler and nicer. I don't know what Maud has, but there it is. She was interested, distinctly, in your knowing him—in his having met you over there with so little loss of time. But I ventured to tell her it hadn't been so long as to make you as yet great friends. I don't know if I was right."

She definitely made up with Susie directly, though, for any bit of private lukewarm appreciation she might have had; since their late, long talks covered not only everything they’d discussed while apart, but a whole lot more. She could be as detached as the situation required at four in the afternoon, but she didn't use that same freedom with anyone else about anything as she regularly did with Susan Shepherd at midnight. Still, it should have been mentioned with much less delay that she hadn’t yet—had not, that is, after six days—brought any news for her friend to compare with an announcement made to her by the latter after a drive with Mrs. Lowder, for a change, in the remarkable Battersea Park. The older friends had sociably wandered there while the younger ones pursued bolder ideas in the splendid carriage provided to Milly at the hotel—a heavier, flashier, more entertaining ride than she’d ever known at home, given the "stables" notoriously mismanaged. This led to more than one occasion during their repeated circuit where it came out, as Mrs. Stringham said, that the couple at Lancaster Gate were, of all people, acquainted with Mildred's other English friend—the gentleman linked to the English newspaper (Susie hesitated a bit over his name) who had been with her in New York just before their current adventures. He had, of course, been mentioned in Battersea Park—otherwise, he couldn't have been recognized; and Susie had naturally, before revealing her own connection as a kind of confession, to clarify that she was referring to Mr. Merton Densher. This was because Milly initially had a slight air of not knowing who she meant; and the girl did manage to keep a certain composure while noting that the situation was surprising, a one-in-a-thousand chance. They both knew him, Maud and Miss Croy, she gathered, rather well, though it wasn’t any demonstration of intimacy that had led to his mention. It hadn’t been—Susie pointed out—her who brought him up: he hadn’t, in fact, been introduced at all, but merely referred to as a young journalist known to Mrs. Lowder who had recently gone to their wonderful country—Mrs. Lowder always said "your wonderful country"—on behalf of his publication. But Mrs. Stringham had picked it up—with just the tips of her fingers indeed; and that was the confession: she had, without intending any harm, recognized Mr. Densher as an acquaintance of Milly's, though she had also stopped herself before getting too deep. Mrs. Lowder had clearly been impressed—it wasn’t an exaggeration to say; then she too seemed to have pulled herself up; and there had been a brief moment during which each might have been withholding something from the other. "Only," said Milly's friend, "I luckily remembered in time that I had nothing to hide—which was much simpler and nicer. I don't know what Maud has, but there it is. She was definitely interested in your knowing him—in his having met you over there with so little delay. But I took the liberty of telling her it hadn't been long enough for you to become great friends yet. I don’t know if I was right."

Whatever time this explanation might have taken, there had been moments enough in the matter now—before the elder woman's conscience had done itself justice—to enable Milly to reply that although the fact in question doubtless had its importance she imagined they wouldn't find the importance overwhelming. It was odd that their one Englishman should so instantly fit; it wasn't, however, miraculous—they surely all had often seen that, as every one said, the world was extraordinarily "small." Undoubtedly, too, Susie had done just the plain thing in not letting his name pass. Why in the world should there be a mystery?—and what an immense one they would appear to have made if he should come back and find they had concealed their knowledge of him! "I don't know, Susie dear," the girl observed, "what you think I have to conceal."

No matter how long this explanation might have taken, there had been enough moments in the situation already—before the older woman's conscience had cleared up—to allow Milly to respond that while the issue at hand was certainly significant, she didn't think it was overwhelmingly so. It was strange that their one Englishman should fit in so quickly; however, it wasn't miraculous—they all had often seen that, as everyone said, the world was incredibly "small." For sure, Susie had done the straightforward thing by not letting his name slip. Why in the world should there be a mystery?—and what a huge one they would seem to have created if he came back and discovered they had hidden their knowledge of him! "I don't know, Susie dear," the girl said, "what you think I have to hide."

"It doesn't matter, at a given moment," Mrs. Stringham returned, "what you know or don't know as to what I think; for you always find out the very next moment, and when you do find out, dearest, you never really care. Only," she presently asked, "have you heard of him from Miss Croy?"

"It doesn't matter, at any moment," Mrs. Stringham replied, "what you know or don't know about what I think; because you always find out the very next moment, and when you do find out, sweetheart, you never really care. Just," she then asked, "have you heard about him from Miss Croy?"

"Heard of Mr. Densher? Never a word. We haven't mentioned him. Why should we?"

"Heard of Mr. Densher? Not a word. We haven't talked about him. Why would we?"

"That you haven't, I understand; but that she hasn't," Susie opined, "may mean something."

"That you haven't, I get; but that she hasn't," Susie said, "could mean something."

"May mean what?"

"What could that mean?"

"Well," Mrs. Stringham presently brought out, "I tell you all when I tell you that Maud asks me to suggest to you that it may perhaps be better for the present not to speak of him: not to speak of him to her niece, that is, unless she herself speaks to you first. But Maud thinks she won't."

"Well," Mrs. Stringham said, "I’m telling you this because Maud has asked me to suggest that it might be better for now not to talk about him: not to mention him to her niece unless she brings it up first. But Maud thinks she won't."

Milly was ready to engage for anything; but in respect to the facts—as they so far possessed them—it all sounded a little complicated. "Is it because there's anything between them?"

Milly was ready to get involved with anything, but regarding the facts, which they currently had, it all seemed a bit complicated. "Is it because there's something going on between them?"

"No—I gather not; but Maud's state of mind is precautionary. She's afraid of something. Or perhaps it would be more correct to say she's afraid of everything."

"No—I don't think so; but Maud's state of mind is cautious. She's afraid of something. Or maybe it would be more accurate to say she's afraid of everything."

"She's afraid, you mean," Milly asked, "of their—a—liking each other?"

"She’s scared, you mean," Milly asked, "of them—uh—liking each other?"

Susie had an intense thought and then an effusion. "My dear child, we move in a labyrinth."

Susie had a deep thought and then expressed her feelings. "My dear child, we’re navigating a maze."

"Of course we do. That's just the fun of it!" said Milly with a strange gaiety. Then she added: "Don't tell me that—in this for instance—there are not abysses. I want abysses."

"Of course we do. That's just the fun of it!" said Milly with an unusual cheerfulness. Then she added, "Don't tell me that—in this, for example—there aren't abysses. I want abysses."

Her friend looked at her—it was not unfrequently the case—a little harder than the surface of the occasion seemed to require; and another person present at such times might have wondered to what inner thought of her own the good lady was trying to fit the speech. It was too much her disposition, no doubt, to treat her young companion's words as symptoms of an imputed malady. It was none the less, however, her highest law to be light when the girl was light. She knew how to be quaint with the new quaintness—the great Boston gift; it had been, happily, her note in the magazines; and Maud Lowder, to whom it was new indeed and who had never heard anything remotely like it, quite cherished her, as a social resource, for it. It should not therefore fail her now; with it in fact one might face most things. "Ah, then let us hope we shall sound the depths—I'm prepared for the worst—of sorrow and sin! But she would like her niece—we're not ignorant of that, are we?—to marry Lord Mark. Hasn't she told you so?"

Her friend looked at her—a little more intently than the situation really called for; and someone else in the room might have wondered what deeper thought the good lady was trying to connect with her words. It was definitely in her nature to interpret her young friend's comments as signs of a hidden issue. Still, her main principle was to be lighthearted when the girl was feeling cheerful. She knew how to be charmingly quirky in a way that was unique to Boston; it had happily been her signature style in the magazines, and Maud Lowder, who found it completely new and had never encountered anything like it, valued her as a social asset for that reason. It should not let her down now; really, with that approach, one could handle just about anything. "Ah, then let's hope we can explore the depths—I'm ready for the worst—of sorrow and sin! But she does want her niece—we're aware of that, right?—to marry Lord Mark. Didn't she tell you so?"

"Hasn't Mrs. Lowder told me?"

"Hasn’t Mrs. Lowder told me?"

"No; hasn't Kate? It isn't, you know, that she doesn't know it."

"No; hasn't Kate? It's not that she doesn’t know it, you know."

Milly had, under her comrade's eyes, a minute of mute detachment. She had lived with Kate Croy for several days in a state of intimacy as deep as it had been sudden, and they had clearly, in talk, in many directions, proceeded to various extremities. Yet it now came over her as in a clear cold way that there was a possible account of their relations in which the quantity her new friend had told her might have figured as small, as smallest, beside the quantity she hadn't. She couldn't say, at any rate, whether or no she had made the point that her aunt designed her for Lord Mark: it had only sufficiently come out—which had been, moreover, eminently guessable—that she was involved in her aunt's designs. Somehow, for Milly, brush it over nervously as she might and with whatever simplifying hand, this abrupt extrusion of Mr. Densher altered all proportions, had an effect on all values. It was fantastic of her to let it make a difference that she couldn't in the least have defined—and she was at least, even during these instants, rather proud of being able to hide, on the spot, the difference it did make. Yet, all the same, the effect for her was, almost violently, of Mr. Densher's having been there—having been where she had stood till now in her simplicity—before her. It would have taken but another free moment to make her see abysses—since abysses were what she wanted—in the mere circumstance of his own silence, in New York, about his English friends. There had really been in New York little time for anything; but, had she liked, Milly could have made it out for herself that he had avoided the subject of Miss Croy, and that Miss Croy was yet a subject it could never be natural to avoid. It was to be added at the same time that even if his silence had been labyrinthe—which was absurd in view of all the other things too he couldn't possibly have spoken of—this was exactly what must suit her, since it fell under the head of the plea she had just uttered to Susie. These things, however, came and went, and it set itself up between the companions, for the occasion, in the oddest way, both that their happening all to know Mr. Densher—except indeed that Susie didn't, but probably would,—was a fact belonging, in a world of rushing about, to one of the common orders of chance; and yet further that it was amusing—oh, awfully amusing!—to be able fondly to hope that there was "something in" its having been left to crop up with such suddenness. There seemed somehow a possibility that the ground or, as it were, the air might, in a manner, have undergone some pleasing preparation; though the question of this possibility would probably, after all, have taken some threshing out. The truth, moreover—and there they were, already, our pair, talking about it, the "truth!"—had not in fact quite cropped out. This, obviously, in view of Mrs. Lowder's request to her old friend.

Milly, under her friend's gaze, experienced a moment of silent detachment. She had spent several days with Kate Croy in a closeness that seemed as deep as it was sudden, and they had clearly explored various extremes in their conversations. Yet, it suddenly struck her in a clear and cold way that there was a possible explanation of their relationship in which the information her new friend shared might seem minimal, or even negligible, compared to what she hadn’t revealed. She couldn't definitely say whether she had mentioned that her aunt intended for her to marry Lord Mark; it had only been sufficiently implied—and was, moreover, quite guessable—that she was involved in her aunt's plans. Somehow, for Milly, no matter how nervously she brushed it aside or tried to simplify things, this abrupt emergence of Mr. Densher changed everything, affecting all values. It was absurd for her to let it make a difference that she couldn’t fully articulate—and yet, during those moments, she felt a certain pride in concealing, right there and then, the difference it did create. Even so, the effect on her was almost jarringly that Mr. Densher had been present—having been where she had stood in her simplicity—before her. Just one more moment of clarity could have shown her deeper truths—since that’s what she craved—in the mere fact of his silence in New York regarding his English friends. In New York, there had really been little time for anything; but if she had wanted to, Milly could have figured out for herself that he had deliberately avoided the topic of Miss Croy, and that Miss Croy was a subject it would never be natural to avoid. At the same time, even if his silence had been overly complicated—which was ridiculous given all the other things he couldn’t possibly talk about—this was precisely what suited her, as it aligned with the justification she had just shared with Susie. These thoughts, however, came and went, and it formed an odd dynamic between the companions for the occasion, that the fact they all happened to know Mr. Densher—except Susie, who didn’t but likely would—belonged to the ordinary chances of a busy world; and further, it was quite amusing—oh, so amusing!—to fondly hope that there was "something to" its sudden arrival. There seemed to be a possibility that the setting or, so to speak, the atmosphere might have undergone some enjoyable preparation; although whether this possibility actually held true would probably need further exploration. The truth, moreover—and there they were, already, the two of them discussing it, the "truth!"—had not actually come to light. This, obviously, was in light of Mrs. Lowder's request to her old friend.

It was accordingly on Mrs. Lowder's recommendation that nothing should be said to Kate—it was on this rich attitude of Aunt Maud's that the idea of an interesting complication might best hope to perch; and when, in fact, after the colloquy we have reported Milly saw Kate again without mentioning any name, her silence succeeded in passing muster with her as the beginning of a new sort of fun. The sort was all the newer by reason of its containing a small element of anxiety: when she had gone in for fun before it had been with her hands a little more free. Yet it was, none the less, rather exciting to be conscious of a still sharper reason for interest in the handsome girl, as Kate continued, even now, pre-eminently to remain for her; and a reason—this was the great point—of which the young woman herself could have no suspicion. Twice over, thus, for two or three hours together, Milly found herself seeing Kate, quite fixing her in the light of the knowledge that it was a face on which Mr. Densher's eyes had more or less familiarly rested and which, by the same token, had looked, rather more beautifully than less, into his own. She pulled herself up indeed with the thought that it had inevitably looked, as beautifully as one would, into thousands of faces in which one might one's self never trace it; but just the odd result of the thought was to intensify for the girl that side of her friend which she had doubtless already been more prepared than she quite knew to think of as the "other," the not wholly calculable. It was fantastic, and Milly was aware of this; but the other side was what had, of a sudden, been turned straight towards her by the show of Mr. Densher's propinquity. She hadn't the excuse of knowing it for Kate's own, since nothing whatever as yet proved it particularly to be such. Never mind; it was with this other side now fully presented that Kate came and went, kissed her for greeting and for parting, talked, as usual, of everything but—as it had so abruptly become for Milly—the thing. Our young woman, it is true, would doubtless not have tasted so sharply a difference in this pair of occasions had she not been tasting so peculiarly her own possible betrayals. What happened was that afterwards, on separation, she wondered if the matter had not mainly been that she herself was so "other," so taken up with the unspoken; the strangest thing of all being, still subsequently, that when she asked herself how Kate could have failed to feel it she became conscious of being here on the edge of a great darkness. She should never know how Kate truly felt about anything such a one as Milly Theale should give her to feel. Kate would never—and not from ill-will, nor from duplicity, but from a sort of failure of common terms—reduce it to such a one's comprehension or put it within her convenience.

It was on Mrs. Lowder's recommendation that nothing should be said to Kate. This rich attitude of Aunt Maud's provided the best chance for an interesting twist to develop. So, when Milly saw Kate again after their previous conversation, she managed to stay silent about anything specific, and her quietness seemed to pass as the start of a new kind of fun. This fun was all the more exciting because it had a slight element of anxiety: when she had engaged in fun before, she had felt a bit more at ease. Yet, it was still thrilling to know there was an even stronger reason to be interested in the beautiful girl, as Kate remained prominent in her thoughts—and more importantly, this was something Kate herself was completely unaware of. For two or three hours, Milly found herself observing Kate, fully aware that this was a face on which Mr. Densher had often gazed and which, in turn, had looked more beautifully into his eyes. She reminded herself that it must have looked just as beautifully into countless other faces that she couldn't trace back to him; however, that thought only intensified her perception of her friend as the "other," the unpredictable aspect. It felt strange, and Milly realized this; but it was this other side that suddenly stood out to her due to Mr. Densher’s proximity. She didn't have the excuse of thinking it was Kate’s true self since nothing had yet proven that to be the case. Still, it was with this other side fully revealed that Kate came and went, greeting and parting with kisses, discussing everything except—the one thing that had now become so abruptly significant for Milly. To be sure, Milly likely wouldn’t have felt such a sharp difference between these two encounters if she hadn't been so acutely aware of her own potential betrayals. Afterward, when they parted, she wondered if it had mainly been that she felt so "other," so caught up in the unspoken; what was most puzzling was that when she considered how Kate could have missed it, she found herself on the brink of a deep uncertainty. She would never truly understand how Kate felt about things that someone like Milly Theale was supposed to evoke. Kate would never—not out of malice or deceit, but from a kind of failure to relate—make it comprehensible or convenient for her.

It was as such a one, therefore, that, for three or four days more, Milly watched Kate as just such another; and it was presently as such a one that she threw herself into their promised visit, at last achieved, to Chelsea, the quarter of the famous Carlyle, the field of exercise of his ghost, his votaries, and the residence of "poor Marian," so often referred to and actually a somewhat incongruous spirit there. With our young woman's first view of poor Marian everything gave way but the sense of how, in England, apparently, the social situation of sisters could be opposed, how common ground, for a place in the world, could quite fail them: a state of things sagely perceived to be involved in an hierarchical, an aristocratic order. Just whereabouts in the order Mrs. Lowder had established her niece was a question not wholly void, as yet, no doubt, of ambiguity—though Milly was withal sure Lord Mark could exactly have fixed the point if he would, fixing it at the same time for Aunt Maud herself; but it was clear that Mrs. Condrip was, as might have been said, in quite another geography. She would not, in short, have been to be found on the same social map, and it was as if her visitors had turned over page after page together before the final relief of their benevolent "Here!" The interval was bridged, of course, but the bridge, verily, was needed, and the impression left Milly to wonder whether, in the general connection, it were of bridges or of intervals that the spirit not locally disciplined would find itself most conscious. It was as if at home, by contrast, there were neither—neither the difference itself, from position to position, nor, on either side, and particularly on one, the awfully good manner, the conscious sinking of a consciousness, that made up for it. The conscious sinking, at all events, and the awfully good manner, the difference, the bridge, the interval, the skipped leaves of the social atlas—these, it was to be confessed, had a little, for our young lady, in default of stouter stuff, to work themselves into the light literary legend—a mixed, wandering echo of Trollope, of Thackeray, perhaps mostly of Dickens—under favour of which her pilgrimage had so much appealed. She could relate to Susie later on, late the same evening, that the legend, before she had done with it, had run clear, that the adored author of The Newcomes, in fine, had been on the whole the note: the picture lacking thus more than she had hoped, or rather perhaps showing less than she had feared, a certain possibility of Pickwickian outline. She explained how she meant by this that Mrs. Condrip had not altogether proved another Mrs. Nickleby, nor even—for she might have proved almost anything, from the way poor worried Kate had spoken—a widowed and aggravated Mrs. Micawber.

It was in that context that, for three or four more days, Milly observed Kate just like that; and it was in that same spirit that she finally embraced their long-promised trip to Chelsea, the area known for the famous Carlyle, where his ghost and followers roamed, and where “poor Marian” lived—who was frequently mentioned and seemed a bit out of place there. With Milly's first glimpse of poor Marian, everything faded away except the realization that, in England, it seemed the social status of sisters could be so different, how finding common ground in society could completely elude them: a situation that was wisely understood to be part of a hierarchical, aristocratic system. Just where in that system Mrs. Lowder had positioned her niece was still somewhat unclear, but undoubtedly Lord Mark could have pinpointed it if he wanted to, making it clear for Aunt Maud too; however, it was obvious that Mrs. Condrip was in quite a different social sphere. Simply put, she wouldn’t have shown up on the same social map, and it felt like her visitors had flipped through page after page before finally landing on “Here!” The gap had been crossed, of course, but that bridge was indeed necessary, and it left Milly pondering whether, in the grand scheme of things, the spirit not bound by local norms would be more aware of bridges or gaps. It was as if, by contrast, at home, there were neither—the very differences from position to position, nor the incredibly good manners, the conscious lowering of awareness that compensated for it on either side, especially on one. The conscious lowering, in any case, along with the incredibly good manners, the differences, the bridges, the gaps, the bypassed sections of the social atlas—these, it must be admitted, provided our young lady, lacking more substantial material, with a little to connect with the light literary legend—a mixed, wandering echo of Trollope, Thackeray, and mostly Dickens—which had made her journey so appealing. She would later tell Susie that evening how the legend, by the time she finished with it, was clear, that the beloved author of The Newcomes had overall been the theme: the image resembling more than she had hoped, or perhaps showing less than she had feared, hinting at a certain Pickwickian charm. She expressed that this meant Mrs. Condrip had not quite turned out to be another Mrs. Nickleby, nor even—considering how troubled Kate had sounded—an exhausted and aggravated Mrs. Micawber.

Mrs. Stringham, in the midnight conference, intimated rather yearningly that, however the event might have turned, the side of English life such experiences opened to Milly were just those she herself seemed "booked"—as they were all, roundabout her now, always saying—to miss: she had begun to have a little, for her fellow-observer, these moments of fanciful reaction—reaction in which she was once more all Susan Shepherd—against the high sphere of colder conventions into which her overwhelming connection with Maud Manningham had rapt her. Milly never lost sight, for long, of the Susan Shepherd side of her, and was always there to meet it when it came up and vaguely, tenderly, impatiently to pat it, abounding in the assurance that they would still provide for it. They had, however, to-night, another matter in hand; which proved to be presently, on the girl's part, in respect to her hour of Chelsea, the revelation that Mrs. Condrip, taking a few minutes when Kate was away with one of the children, in bed upstairs for some small complaint, had suddenly, without its being in the least "led up to," broken ground on the subject of Mr. Densher, mentioned him with impatience as a person in love with her sister. "She wished me, if I cared for Kate, to know," Milly said—"for it would be quite too dreadful, and one might do something."

Mrs. Stringham, during the late-night meeting, hinted somewhat wistfully that, no matter how things ended up, the aspects of English life that these experiences revealed to Milly were exactly the ones she seemed "destined"—as everyone around her kept saying—to miss: she had begun to feel a bit like her fellow observer, having these moments of fanciful reflection—reflection in which she was once again all Susan Shepherd—against the high standards of colder social norms that her profound connection with Maud Manningham had pulled her into. Milly never lost sight, for long, of the Susan Shepherd part of herself and was always ready to recognize it when it surfaced, gently and somewhat impatiently reassuring it, fully confident that they would still take care of it. However, tonight, they had another topic to address; which turned out, on the girl's part, regarding her time in Chelsea, to be the revelation that Mrs. Condrip, taking a few minutes while Kate was preoccupied with one of the children, who was upstairs in bed with a minor issue, had unexpectedly, without any lead-in, started discussing Mr. Densher, mentioning him with annoyance as someone who was in love with her sister. "She wanted me, if I cared about Kate, to know," Milly said—"because it would be absolutely dreadful, and we might need to do something."

Susie wondered. "Prevent anything coming of it? That's easily said. Do what?"

Susie wondered. "Stop anything from happening? That's easy to say. What should I do?"

Milly had a dim smile. "I think that what she would like is that I should come a good deal to see her about it."

Milly had a faint smile. "I think what she wants is for me to visit her a lot about it."

"And doesn't she suppose you've anything else to do?"

"And doesn't she think you have anything better to do?"

The girl had by this time clearly made it out. "Nothing but to admire and make much of her sister—whom she doesn't, however, herself in the least understand—and give up one's time, and everything else, to it." It struck the elder friend that she spoke with an almost unprecedented approach to sharpness; as if Mrs. Condrip had been rather specially disconcerting. Never yet so much as just of late had Mrs. Stringham seen her companion as exalted, and by the very play of something within, into a vague golden air that left irritation below. That was the great thing with Milly—it was her characteristic poetry; or at least it was Susan Shepherd's. "But she made a point," the former continued, "of my keeping what she says from Kate. I'm not to mention that she has spoken."

The girl had clearly figured it out by now. "All I can do is admire and make a big deal out of my sister—who, by the way, I don’t really understand at all—and just devote my time and everything else to her." It struck the older friend that her tone was sharper than usual, as if Mrs. Condrip had been particularly unsettling. Never before had Mrs. Stringham seen her friend as elevated, almost transformed by a kind of inner glow that overshadowed any irritation. That was the great thing about Milly—it was her unique charm; or at least it was Susan Shepherd's. "But she insisted," the former continued, "that I keep what she says from Kate. I’m not supposed to mention that she’s talked."

"And why," Mrs. Stringham presently asked, "is Mr. Densher so dreadful?"

"And why," Mrs. Stringham then asked, "is Mr. Densher so terrible?"

Milly had, she thought, an hesitation—something that suggested a fuller talk with Mrs. Condrip than she inclined perhaps to report. "It isn't so much he himself." Then the girl spoke a little as for the romance of it; one could never tell, with her, where romance would come in. "It's the state of his fortunes."

Milly thought she hesitated—something that hinted at a deeper conversation with Mrs. Condrip than she was maybe willing to share. "It's not really about him." Then the girl spoke a bit for the sake of drama; you could never predict where her sense of romance would pop up. "It's the situation with his finances."

"And is that very bad?"

"And is that really bad?"

"He has no 'private means,' and no prospect of any. He has no income, and no ability, according to Mrs. Condrip, to make one. He's as poor, she calls it, as 'poverty,' and she says she knows what that is."

"He has no savings or financial support, and no chance of getting any. He has no income and, according to Mrs. Condrip, no skills to earn one. She calls him as poor as 'poverty' itself, and she insists she understands what that means."

Again Mrs. Stringham considered, and it presently produced something. "But isn't he brilliantly clever?"

Again, Mrs. Stringham thought for a moment, and it soon led to something. "But isn't he incredibly smart?"

Milly had also then an instant that was not quite fruitless. "I haven't the least idea."

Milly also had a moment that wasn’t entirely pointless. "I have no idea."

To which, for the time, Susie only answered "Oh!"—though by the end of a minute she had followed it with a slightly musing "I see"; and that in turn with: "It's quite what Maud Lowder thinks."

To which, for the moment, Susie just replied, "Oh!"—though after a minute she added a thoughtful "I see"; and then followed that with: "It's exactly what Maud Lowder believes."

"That he'll never do anything?"

"That he'll never accomplish anything?"

"No—quite the contrary: that he's exceptionally able."

"No—actually, it's the opposite: he's really talented."

"Oh yes; I know"—Milly had again, in reference to what her friend had already told her of this, her little tone of a moment before. "But Mrs. Condrip's own great point is that Aunt Maud herself won't hear of any such person. Mr. Densher, she holds that's the way, at any rate, it was explained to me—won't ever be either a public man or a rich man. If he were public she'd be willing, as I understand, to help him; if he were rich—without being anything else—she'd do her best to swallow him. As it is, she taboos him."

"Oh yes; I know," Milly said again, referring to what her friend had already shared about this, her tone just like it was a moment ago. "But Mrs. Condrip's main point is that Aunt Maud herself won't accept any such person. Mr. Densher, she believes—and that's how it was explained to me—will never be a public man or a rich man. If he were in the public eye, she'd be willing to help him; if he were wealthy—without being anything else—she’d do her best to accept him. As it is, she has labeled him as off-limits."

"In short," said Mrs. Stringham as with a private purpose, "she told you, the sister, all about it. But Mrs. Lowder likes him," she added.

"In short," Mrs. Stringham said with a specific intent, "she told you, the sister, everything. But Mrs. Lowder likes him," she added.

"Mrs. Condrip didn't tell me that."

"Mrs. Condrip didn't mention that to me."

"Well, she does, all the same, my dear, extremely."

"Well, she really does, my dear, a lot."

"Then there it is!" On which, with a drop and one of those sudden, slightly sighing surrenders to a vague reflux and a general fatigue that had recently more than once marked themselves for her companion, Milly turned away. Yet the matter was not left so, that night, between them, albeit neither perhaps could afterwards have said which had first come back to it. Milly's own nearest approach, at least, for a little, to doing so, was to remark that they appeared all—every one they saw—to think tremendously of money. This prompted in Susie a laugh, not untender, the innocent meaning of which was that it came, as a subject for indifference, money did, easier to some people than to others: she made the point in fairness, however, that you couldn't have told, by any too crude transparency of air, what place it held for Maud Manningham. She did her worldliness with grand proper silences—if it mightn't better be put perhaps that she did her detachment with grand occasional pushes. However Susie put it, in truth, she was really, in justice to herself, thinking of the difference, as favourites of fortune, between her old friend and her new. Aunt Maud sat somehow in the midst of her money, founded on it and surrounded by it, even if with a clever high manner about it, her manner of looking, hard and bright, as if it weren't there. Milly, about hers, had no manner at all—which was possibly, from a point of view, a fault: she was at any rate far away on the edge of it, and you hadn't, as might be said, in order to get at her nature, to traverse, by whatever avenue, any piece of her property. It was clear, on the other hand, that Mrs. Lowder was keeping her wealth as for purposes, imaginations, ambitions, that would figure as large, as honourably unselfish, on the day they should take effect. She would impose her will, but her will would be only that a person or two shouldn't lose a benefit by not submitting if they could be made to submit. To Milly, as so much younger, such far views couldn't be imputed: there was nobody she was supposable as interested for. It was too soon, since she wasn't interested for herself. Even the richest woman, at her age, lacked motive, and Milly's motive doubtless had plenty of time to arrive. She was meanwhile beautiful, simple, sublime without it—whether missing it and vaguely reaching out for it or not; and with it, for that matter, in the event, would really be these things just as much. Only then she might very well have, like Aunt Maud, a manner. Such were the connections, at all events, in which the colloquy of our two ladies freshly flickered up—in which it came round that the elder asked the younger if she had herself, in the afternoon, named Mr. Densher as an acquaintance.

"Then there it is!" With that, Milly turned away, feeling a sudden sigh of surrender to a vague tiredness that had recently affected her companion more than once. However, the discussion didn’t end that night between them, even though neither could later remember who brought it up first. Milly's closest attempt to address it was to comment that everyone they saw seemed to think a lot about money. Susie laughed, lightly, implying that money was something that seemed easier to ignore for some people than for others. She pointed out, though, that it wasn’t clear what money meant to Maud Manningham. Maud had a way of being worldly with grand silences—or perhaps it was more accurate to say she showed her detachment with occasional bold moves. Regardless of how Susie framed it, she was genuinely considering the difference in fortune between her old friend and her new one. Aunt Maud seemed to be situated right in the middle of her wealth, grounded in it and surrounded by it, even if she had a clever, aloof attitude toward it, as if it were invisible. Milly, on the other hand, had no attitude about her own wealth—which could be seen as a flaw from one perspective: she was definitely on the outskirts of it, and you didn’t need to navigate any part of her wealth to get to her true self. In contrast, it was clear that Mrs. Lowder viewed her riches as a means for purposes, dreams, and ambitions that would appear noble when realized. She would get her way, but that way was simply that a person or two shouldn’t miss out on a benefit by resisting if they could be convinced to comply. For Milly, who was much younger, such long-term thinking didn’t apply; there was no one she seemed to care about in that way. It was too early for her, as she didn’t even care much for herself yet. Even the richest young woman at her age lacked motivation, and Milly's motivation would likely come in due course. In the meantime, she was beautiful, simple, and impressive without it—whether she was missing it and vaguely reaching for it or not; and when it did come, it wouldn’t change those qualities. Only then might she have a manner, much like Aunt Maud. These were the dynamics, at any rate, in which the conversation between the two ladies sparked anew—leading to the older lady asking the younger one if she had mentioned Mr. Densher as an acquaintance that afternoon.

"Oh no—I said nothing of having seen him. I remembered," the girl explained, "Mrs. Lowder's wish."

"Oh no—I didn’t mention that I saw him. I remembered," the girl explained, "Mrs. Lowder's wish."

"But that," her friend observed after a moment, "was for silence to Kate."

"But that," her friend noted after a moment, "was for Kate's silence."

"Yes—but Mrs. Condrip would immediately have told Kate."

"Yes—but Mrs. Condrip would have immediately told Kate."

"Why so?—since she must dislike to talk about him."

"Why is that?—since she probably doesn't want to talk about him."

"Mrs. Condrip must?" Milly thought. "What she would like most is that her sister should be brought to think ill of him; and if anything she can tell her will help that—" But Milly dropped suddenly here, as if her companion would see.

"Does Mrs. Condrip have to?" Milly thought. "What she really wants is for her sister to start thinking badly of him; and if there's anything she can tell her that will help with that—" But Milly suddenly stopped here, as if her companion would notice.

Her companion's interest, however, was all for what she herself saw. "You mean she'll immediately speak?" Mrs. Stringham gathered that this was what Milly meant, but it left still a question. "How will it be against him that you know him?"

Her companion's interest, however, was completely focused on what she saw. "You mean she’ll talk right away?" Mrs. Stringham understood that this was what Milly meant, but it still raised a question. "How will it be a problem for him that you know him?"

"Oh, I don't know. It won't be so much one's knowing him as one's having kept it out of sight."

"Oh, I don't know. It won't be so much about knowing him as it will be about having hidden it from everyone."

"Ah," said Mrs. Stringham, as if for comfort, "you haven't kept it out of sight. Isn't it much rather Miss Croy herself who has?"

"Ah," said Mrs. Stringham, as if for comfort, "you haven't hidden it away. Isn't it really Miss Croy herself who has?"

"It isn't my acquaintance with him," Milly smiled, "that she has dissimulated."

"It’s not my familiarity with him," Milly smiled, "that she has hidden."

"She has dissimulated only her own? Well then, the responsibility's hers."

"She has only hidden her own feelings? Well then, the responsibility is hers."

"Ah but," said the girl, not perhaps with marked consequence, "she has a right to do as she likes."

"Ah, but," said the girl, maybe not with much emphasis, "she has the right to do what she wants."

"Then so, my dear, have you!" smiled Susan Shepherd.

"Then you have, my dear!" smiled Susan Shepherd.

Milly looked at her as if she were almost venerably simple, but also as if this were what one loved her for. "We're not quarrelling about it, Kate and I, yet."

Milly looked at her as if she were almost refreshingly simple, but also as if this was part of what made her lovable. "We're not arguing about it, Kate and I, yet."

"I only meant," Mrs. Stringham explained, "that I don't see what Mrs. Condrip would gain."

"I just meant," Mrs. Stringham explained, "that I don't understand what Mrs. Condrip would get out of it."

"By her being able to tell Kate?" Milly thought. "I only meant that I don't see what I myself should gain."

"By her being able to tell Kate?" Milly wondered. "I just meant that I don't see what I'd gain from it."

"But it will have to come out—that he knows you both—some time."

"But it will have to come out—that he knows you both—someday."

Milly scarce assented. "Do you mean when he comes back?"

Milly barely nodded. "Are you talking about when he comes back?"

"He'll find you both here, and he can hardly be looked to, I take it, to 'cut' either of you for the sake of the other."

"He'll find you both here, and I don’t think he’ll ignore either of you for the other."

This placed the question at last on a basis more distinctly cheerful. "I might get at him somehow beforehand," the girl suggested; "I might give him what they call here the tip—that he's not to know me when we meet. Or, better still, I mightn't be here at all."

This finally put the question on a much brighter note. "I could reach out to him somehow ahead of time," the girl suggested; "I could give him what they call a heads-up—that he's not supposed to recognize me when we meet. Or, even better, I might just not be here at all."

"Do you want to run away from him?"

"Do you want to escape from him?"

It was, oddly enough, an idea Milly seemed half to accept. "I don't know what I want to run away from!"

It was, strangely enough, an idea Milly seemed to partially accept. "I don't know what I'm trying to escape from!"

It dispelled, on the spot—something, to the elder woman's ear, in the sad, sweet sound of it—any ghost of any need of explaining. The sense was constant for her that their relation was as if afloat, like some island of the south, in a great warm sea that made, for every conceivable chance, a margin, an outer sphere of general emotion; and the effect of the occurrence of anything in particular was to make the sea submerge the island, the margin flood the text. The great wave now for a moment swept over. "I'll go anywhere else in the world you like."

It instantly cleared up—for the older woman, it had a sad, sweet sound to it—that there was no need for any explanation. She constantly felt that their relationship was like an island in the warm sea of emotions surrounding them; every possible chance created a buffer, an outer layer of feelings. Whenever something specific happened, it felt like the sea would cover the island, overwhelming the situation. For a brief moment, the big wave washed over them. "I'll go anywhere else in the world you want."

But Milly came up through it. "Dear old Susie—how I do work you!"

But Milly got through it. "Dear old Susie—how I really lean on you!"

"Oh, this is nothing yet."

"Oh, this is just the beginning."

"No indeed—to what it will be."

"No way—that's what it will be."

"You're not—and it's vain to pretend," said dear old Susie, who had been taking her in, "as sound and strong as I insist on having you."

"You're not—and it's foolish to act like you are," said dear old Susie, who had been observing her, "as healthy and strong as I want you to be."

"Insist, insist—the more the better. But the day I look as sound and strong as that, you know," Milly went on—"on that day I shall be just sound and strong enough to take leave of you sweetly for ever. That's where one is," she continued thus agreeably to embroider, "when even one's most 'beaux moments' aren't such as to qualify, so far as appearance goes, for anything gayer than a handsome cemetery. Since I've lived all these years as if I were dead, I shall die, no doubt, as if I were alive—which will happen to be as you want me. So, you see," she wound up, "you'll never really know where I am. Except indeed when I'm gone; and then you'll only know where I'm not."

"Keep insisting—the more, the better. But the day I look as healthy and strong as that, you know," Milly continued, "on that day I'll be just healthy and strong enough to say goodbye to you sweetly forever. That's the situation," she went on pleasantly to elaborate, "when even one's most 'beautiful moments' don't look more cheerful than a beautiful cemetery. Since I’ve lived all these years as if I were dead, I’ll probably die as if I were alive—which will just happen to be what you want. So, you see," she concluded, "you'll never really know where I am. Except, of course, when I'm gone; and then you'll only know where I'm not."

"I'd die for you," said Susan Shepherd after a moment.

"I'd die for you," Susan Shepherd said after a moment.

"'Thanks awfully'! Then stay here for me."

"'Thanks a lot'! Then stick around for me."

"But we can't be in London for August, nor for many of all these next weeks."

"But we can't be in London in August, or for many of the upcoming weeks."

"Then we'll go back."

"Then we’ll head back."

Susie blenched. "Back to America?"

Susie recoiled. "Back to America?"

"No, abroad—to Switzerland, Italy, anywhere. I mean by your staying here for me," Milly pursued, "your staying with me wherever I may be, even though we may neither of us know at the time where it is. No," she insisted, "I don't know where I am, and you never will, and it doesn't matter—and I dare say it's quite true," she broke off, "that everything will have to come out." Her friend would have felt of her that she joked about it now, had not her scale from grave to gay been a thing of such unnamable shades that her contrasts were never sharp. She made up for failures of gravity by failures of mirth; if she hadn't, that is, been at times as earnest as might have been liked, so she was certain not to be at other times as easy as she would like herself. "I must face the music. It isn't, at any rate, its 'coming out,'" she added; "it's that Mrs. Condrip would put the fact before her to his injury."

"No, let's go abroad—to Switzerland, Italy, anywhere. What I mean by you staying here for me," Milly continued, "is your staying with me wherever I am, even if we don't know where that is at the moment. No," she insisted, "I don’t know where I am, and you never will, and it doesn’t matter—and I guess it’s probably true," she paused, "that everything will have to come out." Her friend would have thought she was joking about it now, if her shifts from serious to light-hearted hadn’t been so nuanced that her contrasts were never clear. She compensated for moments of seriousness with moments of laughter; if she hadn’t, that is, been as serious as one might prefer at times, she certainly was not at other times as relaxed as she wished she could be. "I have to face the music. It’s not, anyway, about it 'coming out,'" she added; "it’s that Mrs. Condrip would present the fact in a way that would harm him."

Her companion wondered. "But how to his?"

Her companion wondered. "But how to do this?"

"Why, if he pretends to love her——!"

"Why, if he acts like he loves her——!"

"And does he only 'pretend'?"

"And is he just 'pretending'?"

"I mean if, trusted by her in strange countries, he forgets her so far as to make up to other people."

"I mean if, trusted by her in unfamiliar places, he forgets her enough to get close to other people."

The amendment, however, brought Susie in, as if with gaiety, for a comfortable end. "Did he make up, the false creature, to you?"

The amendment, however, brought Susie in, as if with joy, for a comfortable conclusion. "Did he apologize, that deceitful person, to you?"

"No—but the question isn't of that. It's of what Kate might be made to believe."

"No—but that's not the issue. It's about what Kate might be led to believe."

"That, given the fact that he evidently more or less followed up his acquaintance with you, to say nothing of your obvious weird charm, he must have been all ready if you had at all led him on?"

"That, considering he clearly kept in touch with you, not to mention your undeniable quirky charm, he must have been completely ready if you ever gave him any signals?"

Milly neither accepted nor qualified this; she only said, after a moment, as with a conscious excess of the pensive: "No, I don't think she'd quite wish to suggest that I made up to him; for that I should have had to do so would only bring out his constancy. All I mean is," she added—and now at last, as with a supreme impatience "that her being able to make him out a little a person who could give cause for jealousy would evidently help her, since she's afraid of him, to do him in her sister's mind a useful ill turn."

Milly didn't agree or disagree with this; she just said, after a moment, with an intentionally thoughtful air: "No, I don’t think she really wants to imply that I was making advances to him; if I had, it would just show how faithful he is. What I mean is," she added—with growing impatience, "that if she can portray him a bit as someone who could provoke jealousy, it would definitely assist her, since she’s scared of him, in giving him a harmful twist in her sister’s eyes."

Susan Shepherd perceived in this explanation such signs of an appetite for motive as would have sat gracefully even on one of her own New England heroines. It was seeing round several corners; but that was what New England heroines did, and it was moreover interesting for the moment to make out how many really her young friend had undertaken to see round. Finally, too, weren't they braving the deeps? They got their amusement where they could. "Isn't it only," she asked, "rather probable she'd see that Kate's knowing him as (what's the pretty old word?) volage——?"

Susan Shepherd saw in this explanation signs of a desire for motive that would have suited even one of her own New England heroines. It was like looking around several corners, but that was exactly what New England heroines did, and it was interesting for the moment to figure out how many corners her young friend was actually trying to see around. Also, weren’t they venturing into unknown territory? They found their entertainment wherever they could. "Isn't it just," she asked, "likely she'd realize that Kate knowing him as (what's the charming old word?) volage——?"

"Well?" She hadn't filled out her idea, but neither, it seemed, could Milly.

"Well?" She hadn't fully developed her idea, but it seemed like Milly couldn't either.

"Well, might but do what that often does—by all our blessed little laws and arrangements at least; excite Kate's own sentiment instead of depressing it."

"Well, it might do what it often does—by all our blessed little laws and arrangements at least; stir up Kate's own feelings instead of bringing them down."

The idea was bright, yet the girl but beautifully stared. "Kate's own sentiment? Oh, she didn't speak of that. I don't think," she added as if she had been unconsciously giving a wrong impression, "I don't think Mrs. Condrip imagines she's in love."

The idea was bright, yet the girl simply stared in amazement. "Kate's own feelings? Oh, she didn't mention that. I don't think," she added as if she had unintentionally given the wrong impression, "I don't think Mrs. Condrip thinks she's in love."

It made Mrs. Stringham stare in turn. "Then what's her fear?"

It made Mrs. Stringham look at her in surprise. "So what's she afraid of?"

"Well, only the fact of Mr. Densher's possibly himself keeping it up—the fear of some final result from that.

"Well, it’s just the possibility of Mr. Densher actually maintaining it—the worry about some ultimate outcome from that.

"Oh," said Susie, intellectually a little disconcerted—"she looks far ahead!"

"Oh," said Susie, feeling a bit thrown off—"she looks so far ahead!"

At this, however, Milly threw off another of her sudden vague "sports." "No—it's only we who do."

At this, however, Milly dismissed another of her sudden, ambiguous "sports." "No—it's just us who do."

"Well, don't let us be more interested for them than they are for themselves!"

"Well, let’s not be more interested in them than they are in themselves!"

"Certainly not"—the girl promptly assented. A certain interest nevertheless remained; she appeared to wish to be clear. "It wasn't of anything on Kate's own part she spoke."

"Definitely not," the girl quickly agreed. Still, there was some curiosity; she seemed to want to clarify. "She wasn’t talking about anything Kate did herself."

"You mean she thinks her sister does not care for him?"

"You mean she thinks her sister doesn’t care about him?"

It was still as if, for an instant, Milly had to be sure of what she meant; but there it presently was. "If she did care Mrs. Condrip would have told me."

It felt like, for a moment, Milly needed to confirm what she meant; but there it was. "If she really cared, Mrs. Condrip would have told me."

What Susan Shepherd seemed hereupon for a little to wonder was why then they had been talking so. "But did you ask her?"

What Susan Shepherd seemed to wonder for a moment was why they had been talking like that. "But did you ask her?"

"Ah, no!"

"Aw, no!"

"Oh!" said Susan Shepherd.

"Oh!" said Susan.

Milly, however, easily explained that she wouldn't have asked her for the world.

Milly, however, simply explained that she wouldn't have asked her for anything in the world.



BOOK FIFTH


X

Lord Mark looked at her to-day in particular as if to wring from her a confession that she had originally done him injustice; and he was entitled to whatever there might be in it of advantage or merit that his intention really in a manner took effect: he cared about something, that is, after all, sufficiently to make her feel absurdly as if she were confessing—all the while it was quite the case that neither justice nor injustice was what had been in question between them. He had presented himself at the hotel, had found her and had found Susan Shepherd at home, had been "civil" to Susan—it was just that shade, and Susan's fancy had fondly caught it; and then had come again and missed them, and then had come and found them once more: besides letting them easily see that if it hadn't by this time been the end of everything—which they could feel in the exhausted air, that of the season at its last gasp—the places they might have liked to go to were such as they would have had only to mention. Their feeling was—or at any rate their modest general plea—that there was no place they would have liked to go to; there was only the sense of finding they liked, wherever they were, the place to which they had been brought. Such was highly the case as to their current consciousness—which could be indeed, in an equally eminent degree, but a matter of course; impressions this afternoon having by a happy turn of their wheel been gathered for them into a splendid cluster, an offering like an armful of the rarest flowers. They were in presence of the offering—they had been led up to it; and if it had been still their habit to look at each other across distances for increase of unanimity his hand would have been silently named between them as the hand applied to the wheel. He had administered the touch that, under light analysis, made the difference—the difference of their not having lost, as Susie on the spot and at the hour phrased it again and again, both for herself and for such others as the question might concern, so beautiful and interesting an experience; the difference also, in fact, of Mrs. Lowder's not having lost it either, though it was with Mrs. Lowder, superficially, they had come, and though it was further with that lady that our young woman was directly engaged during the half-hour or so of her most agreeably inward response to the scene.

Lord Mark looked at her today as if he was trying to get her to admit that she had wronged him in the past. He felt he deserved any benefit or praise that came from his intentions actually having an effect: he cared enough about something to make her feel awkwardly as if she was confessing, even though justice or injustice wasn’t really what had been at stake between them. He had shown up at the hotel, found her, and found Susan Shepherd at home; he had been "polite" to Susan—it was just that subtle gesture, and Susan had picked up on it fondly. Then he had come back and missed them, only to return and find them again. He made it clear that if it hadn’t already felt like the end of everything—which they could sense in the tired atmosphere, the season reaching its last breath—the places they might have liked to go were ones they just needed to mention. Their feeling was—or at least their modest overall excuse—was that there was no place they wanted to go; they simply felt comfortable finding contentment wherever they were, in the place they had ended up. This was especially true of their awareness at that moment—although it could just be a natural occurrence; this afternoon, they had fortuitously collected memories into a beautiful bundle, like a handful of the rarest flowers. They were in front of this gift—they had been guided to it; and if it had still been their custom to look at each other from a distance to enhance their agreement, his hand would have silently stood between them as the hand that made it happen. He had provided the spark that, under careful thought, made all the difference—the difference of them not having lost, as Susie reiterated repeatedly for herself and anyone else who might care, such a beautiful and interesting experience; the difference, too, in the fact that Mrs. Lowder hadn’t lost it either, even though it was with Mrs. Lowder that they had come, and further, it was with that lady that our young woman was directly engaged during the half-hour or so of her most pleasantly internal reaction to the scene.

The great historic house had, for Milly, beyond terrace and garden, as the centre of an almost extravagantly grand Watteau-composition, a tone as of old gold kept "down" by the quality of the air, summer full-flushed, but attuned to the general perfect taste. Much, by her measure, for the previous hour, appeared, in connection with this revelation of it, to have happened to her—a quantity expressed in introductions of charming new people, in walks through halls of armour, of pictures, of cabinets, of tapestry, of tea-tables, in an assault of reminders that this largeness of style was the sign of appointed felicity. The largeness of style was the great containing vessel, while everything else, the pleasant personal affluence, the easy, murmurous welcome, the honoured age of illustrious host and hostess, all at once so distinguished and so plain, so public and so shy, became but this or that element of the infusion. The elements melted together and seasoned the draught, the essence of which might have struck the girl as distilled into the small cup of iced coffee she had vaguely accepted from somebody, while a fuller flood, somehow, kept bearing her up—all the freshness of response of her young life the freshness of the first and only prime. What had perhaps brought on just now a kind of climax was the fact of her appearing to make out, through Aunt Maud, what was really the matter. It couldn't be less than a climax for a poor shaky maiden to find it put to her of a sudden that she herself was the matter—for that was positively what, on Mrs. Lowder's part, it came to. Everything was great, of course, in great pictures, and it was doubtless precisely a part of the brilliant life—since the brilliant life, as one had faintly figured it, clearly was humanly led—that all impressions within its area partook of its brilliancy; still, letting that pass, it fairly stamped an hour as with the official seal for one to be able to take in so comfortably one's companion's broad blandness. "You must stay among us—you must stay; anything else is impossible and ridiculous; you don't know yet, no doubt—you can't; but you will soon enough: you can stay in any position." It had been as the murmurous consecration to follow the murmurous welcome; and even if it were but part of Aunt Maud's own spiritual ebriety—for the dear woman, one could see, was spiritually "keeping" the day—it served to Milly, then and afterwards, as a high-water mark of the imagination.

The grand historic house presented Milly with a view that stretched beyond the terrace and garden, resembling a scene from a lavish Watteau painting. The atmosphere had a warm, vintage gold tone, softened by the summer air, which was vibrant yet perfectly balanced. She felt that a lot had happened in the past hour, particularly with her exposure to this beautiful space—measured by the introductions to delightful new people, strolls through halls filled with armor, art, cabinets, tapestries, and tea tables. It was a wave of reminders that this grandeur was a sign of destined happiness. The grandeur served as a large vessel, while everything else—the pleasant personal wealth, the warm and inviting atmosphere, and the honored age of the esteemed hosts who were both distinguished and down-to-earth, public yet modest—became mere elements of that essence. These elements blended seamlessly, enhancing the experience, which Milly might have likened to the small cup of iced coffee she had vaguely accepted from someone while a greater, undefined energy lifted her—representing all the youthful excitement of her first and only prime. What likely created this peak experience was her realization, through Aunt Maud, about what was really happening. It couldn’t help but feel climactic for a nervous young woman to suddenly discover that she was the focus of it all—this was indeed the crux of Mrs. Lowder's intentions. Everything appeared grand, as if in elaborate paintings, and it seemed to be part of that brilliant life—because that brilliant life, as she had somewhat imagined, was obviously led by humans. All impressions within such an atmosphere exuded brilliance; still, for a moment, it felt almost surreal to comfortably absorb the familiar warmth of her companion's easy, open demeanor. "You must stay with us—you have to; anything else is impossible and absurd; you probably don’t realize it yet—you can’t; but soon enough you will: you can stay in any capacity." It was like a gentle blessing following the warm welcome; and even if it was merely a reflection of Aunt Maud's own spiritual high—since it was clear the dear woman was reveling in the day—it became, for Milly, a memorable mark of inspiration both then and afterward.

It was to be the end of the short parenthesis which had begun but the other day at Lancaster Gate with Lord Mark's informing her that she was a "success"—the key thus again struck; and though no distinct, no numbered revelations had crowded in, there had, as we have seen, been plenty of incident for the space and the time. There had been thrice as much, and all gratuitous and genial—if, in portions, not exactly hitherto the revelation—as three unprepared weeks could have been expected to produce. Mrs. Lowder had improvised a "rush" for them, but out of elements, as Milly was now a little more freely aware, somewhat roughly combined. Therefore if at this very instant she had her reasons for thinking of the parenthesis as about to close—reasons completely personal—she had on behalf of her companion a divination almost as deep. The parenthesis would close with this admirable picture, but the admirable picture still would show Aunt Maud as not absolutely sure either if she herself were destined to remain in it. What she was doing, Milly might even not have escaped seeming to see, was to talk herself into a sublimer serenity while she ostensibly talked Milly. It was fine, the girl fully felt, the way she did talk her, little as, at bottom, our young woman needed it or found other persuasions at fault. It was in particular during the minutes of her grateful absorption of iced coffee—qualified by a sharp doubt of her wisdom—that she most had in view Lord Mark's relation to her being there, or at least to the question of her being amused at it. It wouldn't have taken much by the end of five minutes quite to make her feel that this relation was charming. It might, once more, simply have been that everything, anything, was charming when one was so justly and completely charmed; but, frankly, she had not supposed anything so serenely sociable could define itself between them as the friendly understanding that was at present somehow in the air. They were, many of them together, near the marquee that had been erected on a stretch of sward as a temple of refreshment and that happened to have the property—which was all to the good of making Milly think of a "durbar"; her iced coffee had been a consequence of this connection, in which, further, the bright company scattered about fell thoroughly into place. Certain of its members might have represented the contingent of "native princes"—familiar, but scarce the less grandly gregarious term!—and Lord Mark would have done for one of these even though for choice he but presented himself as a supervisory friend of the family. The Lancaster Gate family, he clearly intended, in which he included its American recruits, and included above all Kate Croy—a young person blessedly easy to take care of. She knew people, and people knew her, and she was the handsomest thing there—this last a declaration made by Milly, in a sort of soft mid-summer madness, a straight skylark-flight of charity, to Aunt Maud.

It was about to be the end of the brief interlude that had started just a few days ago at Lancaster Gate when Lord Mark told her she was a "success"—the key was struck again; and although no clear, numbered revelations had come forth, there had, as we’ve seen, been plenty of events for the time and space. There had been three times as much, all spontaneous and warm—if, in parts, not exactly what you’d call the revelation—as three unprepared weeks could have produced. Mrs. Lowder had put together a "rush" for them, but from elements that, as Milly was now beginning to realize, were somewhat clumsily combined. So if, at this very moment, she had her reasons to believe the interlude was about to end—completely personal reasons—she sensed a similar feeling in her companion. The interlude would close with this wonderful scene, but the wonderful scene would still show Aunt Maud as not entirely sure if she herself was meant to stay in it. What she was doing, Milly might have seemed to notice, was talking herself into a higher calm while she ostensibly talked Milly. It was impressive, Milly fully felt, the way she engaged with her, even though, at heart, our young woman didn’t really need it or find other arguments lacking. It was especially during the moments she enjoyed her iced coffee—though she had doubts about her wisdom—that she was most aware of Lord Mark's connection to her being there, or at least to the question of whether she was enjoying it. By the end of five minutes, it wouldn’t have taken much to make her feel like this connection was delightful. It could have just been that everything, anything, felt wonderful when you were so justly and completely charmed; but honestly, she hadn’t thought something so pleasantly social could exist between them as the friendly understanding that was somehow in the air. They were many together, near the marquee set up on a stretch of grass as a refreshment area, which made Milly think of a "durbar"; her iced coffee was a result of this association, in which, moreover, the lively company scattered around fit perfectly. Some of its members might have represented "native princes"—a familiar term, yet still grandly collective!—and Lord Mark would have fit one of these in spite of preferring to present himself as a supportive family friend. He clearly intended to be part of the Lancaster Gate family, which included its American additions, especially Kate Croy—a young woman who was easy to manage. She knew people, and people knew her, and she was the most beautiful person there—this was Milly's conclusion, expressed in a sort of soft midsummer thrill, a free-spirited burst of kindness, to Aunt Maud.

Kate had, for her new friend's eyes, the extraordinary and attaching property of appearing at a given moment to show as a beautiful stranger, to cut her connections and lose her identity, letting the imagination for the time make what it would of them—make her merely a person striking from afar, more and more pleasing as one watched, but who was above all a subject for curiosity. Nothing could have given her, as a party to a relation, a greater freshness than this sense—which sprang up at its own hours—of being as curious about her as if one hadn't known her. It had sprung up, we have gathered, as soon as Milly had seen her after hearing from Mrs. Stringham of her knowledge of Merton Densher; she had looked then other and, as Milly knew the real critical mind would call it, more objective; and our young woman had foreseen it of her, on the spot, that she would often look so again. It was exactly what she was doing this afternoon; and Milly, who had amusements of thought that were like the secrecies of a little girl playing with dolls when conventionally "too big," could almost settle to the game of what one would suppose her, how one would place her, if one didn't know her. She became thus, intermittently, a figure conditioned only by the great facts of aspect, a figure to be waited for, named and fitted. This was doubtless but a way of feeling that it was of her essence to be peculiarly what the occasion, whatever it might be, demanded when its demand was highest. There were probably ways enough, on these lines, for such a consciousness; another of them would be, for instance, to say that she was made for great social uses. Milly was not wholly sure that she herself knew what great social uses might be—unless, as a good example, exerting just that sort of glamour in just that sort of frame were one of them: she would have fallen back on knowing sufficiently that they existed at all events for her friend. It imputed a primness, all round, to be reduced but to saying, by way of a translation of one's amusement, that she was always so right—since that, too often, was what the insupportables themselves were; yet it was, in overflow to Aunt Maud, what she had to content herself withal—save for the lame enhancement of saying she was lovely. It served, all the same, the purpose, strengthened the bond that for the time held the two ladies together, distilled in short its drop of rose-colour for Mrs. Lowder's own view. That was really the view Milly had, for most of the rest of the occasion, to give herself to immediately taking in; but it didn't prevent the continued play of those swift cross-lights, odd beguilements of the mind, at which we have already glanced.

Kate had, in her new friend's eyes, this amazing quality of appearing at any moment as a beautiful stranger, disconnecting from her past and losing her identity, allowing the imagination to create whatever it wanted about her—making her just a striking figure from a distance, increasingly fascinating the longer you looked, but primarily someone to be curious about. Nothing could have given her more freshness as part of a relationship than this sense—which arose spontaneously—of being just as curious about her as if they hadn't known each other. This curiosity began, we understand, as soon as Milly saw her right after Mrs. Stringham mentioned her connection to Merton Densher; she had then looked different and, as someone with a critical mind would describe it, more objective; and Milly had sensed immediately that she would often have that look again. That's exactly what she was doing this afternoon; and Milly, with thoughts that were like a little girl's secret play with dolls when she was "too grown-up," could almost engage in the game of imagining who she was, how she might be perceived, if one didn't know her. She became, intermittently, a figure defined only by her striking appearance, a figure to be anticipated, categorized, and understood. This might have been a way of feeling that it was in her nature to uniquely embody whatever was needed by the occasion, especially when that need was greatest. There were probably many ways to recognize such awareness; another would be to say that she was meant for significant social roles. Milly wasn't entirely sure what those significant social roles might be—unless, as a good example, being able to cast that kind of charm within just the right context counted as one of them: she would have settled on knowing well enough that they certainly existed for her friend. It implied a certain uptightness to merely say, as a way to express her amusement, that she was always so right—since that was often the quality the insupportables themselves possessed; yet it was, in overflow to Aunt Maud, what she had to be content with—except for the half-hearted addition of calling her lovely. Still, it fulfilled its purpose, strengthening the connection that temporarily united the two women, capturing in short its hint of rose-tinted perception for Mrs. Lowder's perspective. That was pretty much the perspective Milly had for most of the rest of the occasion, something she immediately focused on; but it didn’t stop the ongoing play of those quick shifts in thought, those odd distractions of the mind, that we've already hinted at.

Mrs. Lowder herself found it enough simply to reply, in respect to Kate, that she was indeed a luxury to take about the world: she expressed no more surprise than that at her "rightness" to-day. Wasn't it by this time sufficiently manifest that it was precisely as the very luxury she was proving that she had, from far back, been appraised and waited for? Crude elation, however, might be kept at bay, and the circumstance none the less demonstrated that they were all swimming together in the blue. It came back to Lord Mark again, as he seemed slowly to pass and repass and conveniently to linger before them; he was personally the note of the blue—like a suspended skein of silk within reach of the broiderer's hand. Aunt Maud's free-moving shuttle took a length of him at rhythmic intervals; and one of the intermixed truths that flickered across to Milly was that he ever so consentingly knew he was being worked in. This was almost like an understanding with her at Mrs. Lowder's expense, which she would have none of; she wouldn't for the world have had him make any such point as that he wouldn't have launched them at Matcham—or whatever it was he had done—only for Aunt Maud's beaux yeux. What he had done, it would have been guessable, was something he had for some time been desired in vain to do; and what they were all now profiting by was a change comparatively sudden, the cessation of hope delayed. What had caused the cessation easily showed itself as none of Milly's business; and she was luckily, for that matter, in no real danger of hearing from him directly that her individual weight had been felt in the scale. Why then indeed was it an effect of his diffused but subdued participation that he might absolutely have been saying to her "Yes, let the dear woman take her own tone? Since she's here she may stay," he might have been adding—"for whatever she can make of it. But you and I are different." Milly knew she was different in truth—his own difference was his own affair; but also she knew that, after all, even at their distinctest, Lord Mark's "tips" in this line would be tacit. He practically placed her—it came round again to that—under no obligation whatever. It was a matter of equal ease, moreover, her letting Mrs. Lowder take a tone. She might have taken twenty—they would have spoiled nothing.

Mrs. Lowder found it sufficient to say about Kate that she was truly a luxury to bring into the world: she showed no more surprise than that at her "rightness" today. Wasn't it clear by now that it was exactly because of the luxury she was showcasing that she had, from long ago, been valued and anticipated? However, pure excitement could be kept in check, and the situation still proved that they were all floating together in the blue. Lord Mark came back to her mind again, as he seemed to slowly pass by and conveniently linger before them; he was the embodiment of the blue—like a suspended strand of silk within reach of the embroiderer's hand. Aunt Maud's moving shuttle took a piece of him at regular intervals; and one of the mixed truths that flashed across to Milly was that he knowingly allowed himself to be woven in. This was almost like an agreement with her at Mrs. Lowder's expense, which she wanted nothing to do with; she wouldn't want him to make any suggestion that he wouldn't have set them up at Matcham—or whatever it was that he had done—only for Aunt Maud's lovely eyes. What he had done, although it could be guessed, was something he had been asked for some time to do in vain; and what they were all benefiting from now was a change that was relatively sudden, the end of delayed hope. What caused this end easily showed itself as none of Milly's business; and fortunately, for that matter, she wasn't in any real danger of hearing from him directly that her individual influence had been acknowledged. Why then was it that his widespread but contained participation felt like he might as well have been saying to her, "Yes, let the dear woman set her own tone? Since she's here, she can stay," he might have added—"for whatever she can make of it. But you and I are different." Milly knew she was indeed different—his difference was his concern; but she also understood that, in any case, even at their most distinct, Lord Mark's "hints" in this regard would be unspoken. He effectively placed her—it came back to this—under no obligation whatsoever. Furthermore, it was just as easy for her to let Mrs. Lowder set a tone. She could have taken twenty—it wouldn't have made a difference.

"You must stay on with us; you can, you know, in any position you like; any, any, any, my dear child"—and her emphasis went deep. "You must make your home with us; and it's really open to you to make the most beautiful one in the world. You mustn't be under a mistake—under any of any sort; and you must let us all think for you a little, take care of you and watch over you. Above all you must help me with Kate, and you must stay a little for her; nothing for a long time has happened to me so good as that you and she should have become friends. It's beautiful; it's great; it's everything. What makes it perfect is that it should have come about through our dear delightful Susie, restored to me, after so many years, by such a miracle. No—that's more charming to me than even your hitting it off with Kate. God has been good to one—positively; for I couldn't, at my age, have made a new friend—undertaken, I mean, out of whole cloth, the real thing. It's like changing one's bankers—after fifty: one doesn't do that. That's why Susie has been kept for me, as you seem to keep people in your wonderful country, in lavender and pink paper—coming back at last as straight as out of a fairy-tale and with you as an attendant fairy." Milly hereupon replied appreciatively that such a description of herself made her feel as if pink paper were her dress and lavender its trimming; but Aunt Maud was not to be deterred by a weak joke from keeping it up. Her interlocutress could feel besides that she kept it up in perfect sincerity. She was somehow at this hour a very happy woman, and a part of her happiness might precisely have been that her affections and her views were moving as never before in concert. Unquestionably she loved Susie; but she also loved Kate and loved Lord Mark, loved their funny old host and hostess, loved every one within range, down to the very servant who came to receive Milly's empty iceplate—down, for that matter, to Milly herself, who was, while she talked, really conscious of the enveloping flap of a protective mantle, a shelter with the weight of an eastern carpet. An eastern carpet, for wishing-purposes of one's own, was a thing to be on rather than under; still, however, if the girl should fail of breath it wouldn't be, she could feel, by Mrs. Lowder's fault. One of the last things she was afterwards to recall of this was Aunt Maud's going on to say that she and Kate must stand together because together they could do anything. It was for Kate of course she was essentially planning; but the plan, enlarged and uplifted now, somehow required Milly's prosperity too for its full operation, just as Milly's prosperity at the same time involved Kate's. It was nebulous yet, it was slightly confused, but it was unmistakably free and genial, and it made our young woman understand things Kate had said of her aunt's possibilities as well as characterisations that had fallen from Susan Shepherd. One of the most frequent on the lips of the latter had been that dear Maud was a natural force.

"You have to stay with us; you can, you know, in any role you want; any, any, any, my dear child"—and she emphasized it deeply. "You need to make your home here; and it’s really open for you to create the most beautiful one in the world. You mustn't be mistaken—under any circumstance; and you need to let us all think for you a little, take care of you, and look out for you. Most importantly, you have to help me with Kate, and you should stay a little for her; nothing has happened to me in a long time that is as good as you and her becoming friends. It's beautiful; it's wonderful; it’s everything. What makes it perfect is that it happened through our dear delightful Susie, restored to me after so many years, by such a miracle. No—that's more charming to me than even your getting along with Kate. God has been good to me—truly; because at my age, I couldn't have made a new friend—started from scratch, I mean, the real deal. It's like switching banks after fifty: you don’t do that. That’s why Susie has been kept for me, as you seem to keep people in your wonderful country, in lavender and pink wrapping—coming back at last as if straight from a fairy-tale with you as a fairy attendant." Milly then replied appreciatively that such a description of herself made her feel like pink paper was her outfit and lavender its trim; but Aunt Maud wasn’t going to be deterred by a weak joke from continuing. Milly could also feel that Aunt Maud was being utterly sincere. At that moment, she was a very happy woman, and part of her happiness might have been that her feelings and her thoughts were working together more than ever before. Undoubtedly, she loved Susie; but she also loved Kate and loved Lord Mark, loved their quirky old host and hostess, loved everyone around, down to the very servant who came to take Milly's empty ice plate—down, for that matter, to Milly herself, who was, while she talked, truly aware of the enveloping comfort of a protective mantle, a shelter with the weight of an eastern carpet. An eastern carpet, for personal wishes, was something to be on rather than under; still, if the girl were to lose her breath, it wouldn’t be, she could feel, Mrs. Lowder's fault. One of the last things she was to remember was Aunt Maud saying that she and Kate had to stand together because together they could do anything. It was primarily for Kate that she was planning; but the plan, now bigger and more inspiring, somehow also required Milly's success for it to really work, just as Milly's success at the same time involved Kate's. It was still unclear, a bit tangled, but it was unmistakably free and warm, and it helped our young woman understand things Kate had said about her aunt's potential as well as the characterizations that Susan Shepherd had mentioned. One of the most frequent things from the latter was that dear Maud was a natural force.


XI


A prime reason, we must add, why sundry impressions were not to be fully present to the girl till later on was that they yielded at this stage, with an effect of sharp supersession, to a detached quarter of an hour—her only one—with Lord Mark. "Have you seen the picture in the house, the beautiful one that's so like you?"—he was asking that as he stood before her; having come up at last with his smooth intimation that any wire he had pulled and yet wanted not to remind her of wasn't quite a reason for his having no joy at all.

A key reason why various impressions didn’t fully register with the girl until later was that they were overshadowed at this moment by a brief, detached time—her only one—with Lord Mark. "Have you seen the painting in the house, the beautiful one that looks just like you?" he asked as he stood in front of her, having finally approached her with the subtle hint that any favors he had done for her, which he didn’t want to bring up, weren’t entirely the cause for his lack of happiness.

"I've been through rooms and I've seen pictures. But if I'm 'like' anything so beautiful as most of them seemed to me——!" It needed in short for Milly some evidence, which he only wanted to supply. She was the image of the wonderful Bronzino, which she must have a look at on every ground. He had thus called her off and led her away; the more easily that the house within was above all what had already drawn round her its mystic circle. Their progress, meanwhile, was not of the straightest; it was an advance, without haste, through innumerable natural pauses and soft concussions, determined for the most part by the appearance before them of ladies and gentlemen, singly, in couples, in groups, who brought them to a stand with an inveterate "I say, Mark." What they said she never quite made out; it was their all so domestically knowing him, and his knowing them, that mainly struck her, while her impression, for the rest, was but of fellow-strollers more vaguely afloat than themselves, supernumeraries mostly a little battered, whether as jaunty males or as ostensibly elegant women. They might have been moving a good deal by a momentum that had begun far back, but they were still brave and personable, still warranted for continuance as long again, and they gave her, in especial collectively, a sense of pleasant voices, pleasanter than those of actors, of friendly, empty words and kind, lingering eyes. The lingering eyes looked her over, the lingering eyes were what went, in almost confessed simplicity, with the pointless "I say, Mark "; and what was really most sensible of all was that, as a pleasant matter of course, if she didn't mind, he seemed to suggest their letting people, poor dear things, have the benefit of her.

"I've been through rooms and I've seen pictures. But if I'm 'like' anything as beautiful as most of them seemed to me——!" Milly needed some reassurance, which he was eager to provide. She resembled the stunning Bronzino, which she had to see everywhere. He had drawn her away, easily guided by the mysterious atmosphere that the house had already created around her. Their journey was not straightforward; they moved slowly, pausing naturally amidst soft interactions, mostly determined by the appearance of ladies and gentlemen—individually, in pairs, or in groups—who would stop them with a familiar "I say, Mark." She never quite understood what they said; it was their intimate familiarity with him, and his recognition of them, that struck her the most. Her impression of them was that they were fellow wanderers, vaguely present, mostly a bit worn, whether as confident men or seemingly elegant women. They might have been moving along from a long-standing momentum, but they still looked good and charming, and they seemed capable of continuing on for quite a while longer. Collectively, they gave her a sense of pleasant voices, even more enjoyable than those of actors, filled with friendly, hollow words and warm, lingering glances. The lingering glances assessed her, and they seemed to effortlessly accompany the aimless "I say, Mark"; and what really made sense was that, as a natural suggestion, if she didn't mind, he appeared to imply that they should let these dear folks enjoy her company.

The odd part was that he made her herself believe, for amusement, in the benefit, measured by him in mere manner—for wonderful, of a truth, was, as a means of expression, his slightness of emphasis—that her present good-nature conferred. It was, as she could easily see, a mild common carnival of good-nature—a mass of London people together, of sorts and sorts, but who mainly knew each other and who, in their way, did, no doubt, confess to curiosity. It had gone round that she was there; questions about her would be passing; the easiest thing was to run the gauntlet with him—just as the easiest thing was in fact to trust him generally. Couldn't she know for herself, passively, how little harm they meant her?—to that extent that it made no difference whether or not he introduced them. The strangest thing of all for Milly was perhaps the uplifted assurance and indifference with which she could simply give back the particular bland stare that appeared in such cases to mark civilisation at its highest. It was so little her fault, this oddity of what had "gone round" about her, that to accept it without question might be as good a way as another of feeling life. It was inevitable to supply the probable description—that of the awfully rich young American who was so queer to behold, but nice, by all accounts, to know; and she had really but one instant of speculation as to fables or fantasies perchance originally launched. She asked herself once only if Susie could, inconceivably, have been blatant about her; for the question, on the spot, was really blown away for ever. She knew in fact on the spot and with sharpness just why she had "elected" Susan Shepherd: she had had from the first hour the conviction of her being precisely the person in the world least possibly a trumpeter. So it wasn't their fault, it wasn't their fault, and anything might happen that would, and everything now again melted together, and kind eyes were always kind eyes—if it were never to be worse than that! She got with her companion into the house; they brushed, beneficently, past all their accidents. The Bronzino was, it appeared, deep within, and the long afternoon light lingered for them on patches of old colour and waylaid them, as they went, in nooks and opening vistas.

The strange part was that he made her believe, for fun, in the benefit he measured in the simplest way—his slight emphasis was, truly, fantastic as a means of expression—of her current good nature. It was, as she could easily see, a mild social gathering of friendly people—a crowd of Londoners, various types, but mostly familiar with each other, who, in their own way, surely admitted to being curious. Word had spread that she was there; questions about her would be circulating; the simplest thing was to navigate through it with him—just as it was, in fact, easy to trust him generally. Couldn't she know for herself, passively, how little harm they intended her?—to the extent that it didn’t matter whether he introduced them or not. The strangest thing for Milly was perhaps the lifted confidence and indifference with which she could simply return the particular bland stare that seemed to signify civilization at its peak. It really wasn’t her fault that this oddity about her had "spread"; accepting it without question might be just as good a way as any to experience life. It was natural to supply the likely description—that of the exceptionally wealthy young American who was so strange to see, but, by all accounts, nice to know; and she really had only one fleeting thought about any stories or fantasies that might have started. She only asked herself once if Susie could, inexplicably, have been loud about her; for the question, right then, was truly blown away forever. She knew, in fact, right away and clearly, why she had "chosen" Susan Shepherd: she had felt from the very first moment that she was precisely the person in the world least likely to be a loudmouth. So it wasn't their fault, it wasn't their fault, and anything could happen that would, and everything blended together again, and kind eyes were always kind eyes—if it never got worse than that! She walked into the house with her companion; they brushed past all their mishaps with kindness. The Bronzino was, it turned out, deep inside, and the long afternoon light lingered for them on patches of old color and caught their attention as they walked through nooks and opening views.

It was all the while for Milly as if Lord Mark had really had something other than this spoken pretext in view; as if there were something he wanted to say to her and were only—consciously yet not awkwardly, just delicately—hanging fire. At the same time it was as if the thing had practically been said by the moment they came in sight of the picture; since what it appeared to amount to was "Do let a fellow who isn't a fool take care of you a little." The thing somehow, with the aid of the Bronzino, was done; it hadn't seemed to matter to her before if he were a fool or no; but now, just where they were, she liked his not being; and it was all moreover none the worse for coming back to something of the same sound as Mrs. Lowder's so recent reminder. She too wished to take care of her—and wasn't it, à peu près, what all the people with the kind eyes were wishing? Once more things melted together—the beauty and the history and the facility and the splendid midsummer glow: it was a sort of magnificent maximum, the pink dawn of an apotheosis, coming so curiously soon. What in fact befell was that, as she afterwards made out, it was Lord Mark who said nothing in particular—it was she herself who said all. She couldn't help that—it came; and the reason it came was that she found herself, for the first moment, looking at the mysterious portrait through tears. Perhaps it was her tears that made it just then so strange and fair—as wonderful as he had said: the face of a young woman, all magnificently drawn, down to the hands, and magnificently dressed; a face almost livid in hue, yet handsome in sadness and crowned with a mass of hair rolled back and high, that must, before fading with time, have had a family resemblance to her own. The lady in question, at all events, with her slightly Michaelangelesque squareness, her eyes of other days, her full lips, her long neck, her recorded jewels, her brocaded and wasted reds, was a very great personage—only unaccompanied by a joy. And she was dead, dead, dead. Milly recognised her exactly in words that had nothing to do with her. "I shall never be better than this."

It felt like Lord Mark had something beyond just what he was saying to Milly; it seemed like he had something important he wanted to tell her but was just holding back—delicately but not awkwardly. At the same time, it felt like the essence of his message was already clear the moment they saw the painting. It seemed to translate to "Let someone who isn’t foolish take care of you a little." Somehow, aided by the Bronzino, it was conveyed; she hadn’t cared before whether he was a fool or not, but now, in that moment, she appreciated that he wasn’t. Plus, it felt fitting that it echoed Mrs. Lowder's recent reminder. She also wanted to take care of her—and wasn’t that what all the kind-eyed people were wishing for? Once again, everything blended together—the beauty, the history, the ease, and the glorious midsummer light: it was a magnificent moment, a pink dawn of a revelation, arriving so surprisingly soon. What actually happened was that, as she later realized, it was Lord Mark who was silent—it was she who spoke everything. She couldn’t help it—it just happened; and the reason it came was that, for the first time, she found herself looking at the mysterious portrait through tears. Perhaps it was her tears that made the moment feel so strange and beautiful—as wonderful as he had described: the face of a young woman, beautifully depicted from her hands to her attire; a face that was almost pale yet striking in its sadness, crowned with a mass of hair swept back high, which must have, before time took its toll, resembled her own. The lady, with her slightly Michelangelo-esque features, eyes from another time, full lips, long neck, treasured jewels, and rich brocade in faded reds, was a significant figure—only devoid of joy. And she was dead, dead, dead. Milly recognized her instantly with words that weren’t related to her. "I shall never be better than this."

He smiled for her at the portrait. "Than she? You'd scarce need to be better, for surely that's well enough. But you are, one feels, as it happens, better; because, splendid as she is, one doubts if she was good."

He smiled at the portrait for her. "Better than her? You hardly need to be, because that’s already pretty great. But you are, it turns out, better; because, as amazing as she is, one wonders if she was actually good."

He hadn't understood. She was before the picture, but she had turned to him, and she didn't care if, for the minute, he noticed her tears. It was probably as good a moment as she should ever have with him. It was perhaps as good a moment as she should have with any one, or have in any connection whatever. "I mean that everything this afternoon has been too beautiful, and that perhaps everything together will never be so right again. I'm very glad therefore you've been a part of it."

He didn't get it. She stood in front of the picture, but she turned to him, and she didn't mind if he noticed her tears for just a moment. It was probably as good a moment as she would ever have with him. It might be as good a moment as she would have with anyone, or in any kind of relationship at all. "What I mean is that everything this afternoon has been so beautiful, and maybe it will never feel this perfect again. I'm really glad you've been part of it."

Though he still didn't understand her he was as nice as if he had; he didn't ask for insistence, and that was just a part of his looking after her. He simply protected her now from herself, and there was a world of practice in it. "Oh, we must talk about these things!"

Though he still didn't understand her, he was as nice as if he did; he didn't demand anything, and that was just part of how he took care of her. He simply protected her from herself now, and there was a lot of experience in that. "Oh, we need to talk about these things!"

Ah, they had already done that, she knew, as much as she ever would; and she was shaking her head at her pale sister the next moment with a world, on her side, of slowness. "I wish I could see the resemblance. Of course her complexion's green," she laughed; "but mine's several shades greener."

Ah, she already knew they had done that, as much as she ever would; and she was shaking her head at her pale sister the next moment with a world of slowness on her side. "I wish I could see the resemblance. Of course, her complexion's green," she laughed; "but mine's several shades greener."

"It's down to the very hands," said Lord Mark.

"It's all in the hands," said Lord Mark.

"Her hands are large," Milly went on, "but mine are larger. Mine are huge."

"Her hands are big," Milly continued, "but mine are bigger. Mine are massive."

"Oh, you go her, all round, 'one better'—which is just what I said. But you're a pair. You must surely catch it," he added as if it were important to his character as a serious man not to appear to have invented his plea.

"Oh, you got her, always one-upping—just like I said. But you two are a real pair. You’ve definitely got it coming," he added, as if it were crucial to his image as a serious guy not to seem like he came up with his excuse.

"I don't know one never knows one's self. It's a funny fancy, and I don't imagine it would have occurred——"

"I don't know; you never really know yourself. It's a strange thought, and I don't think it would have happened——"

"I see it has occurred"—he has already taken her up. She had her back, as she faced the picture, to one of the doors of the room, which was open, and on her turning, as he spoke, she saw that they were in the presence of three other persons, also, as appeared, interested inquirers. Kate Croy was one of these; Lord Mark had just become aware of her, and she, all arrested, had immediately seen, and made the best of it, that she was far from being first in the field. She had brought a lady and a gentleman to whom she wished to show what Lord Mark was showing Milly, and he took her straightway as a reinforcement. Kate herself had spoken, however, before he had had time to tell her so.

"I see it has happened"—he had already picked her up. She had her back to one of the open doors in the room as she faced the painting, and when she turned at his words, she realized they were not alone; three other people were also there, seemingly curious. Kate Croy was one of them; Lord Mark had just noticed her, and she, now fully aware, quickly understood that she was far from being the first to arrive. She had brought a lady and a gentleman to whom she wanted to show what Lord Mark was showing Milly, and he immediately accepted her as a helpful addition. However, Kate had already spoken before he had the chance to tell her that.

"You had noticed too?"—she smiled at him without looking at Milly. "Then I'm not original—which one always hopes one has been. But the likeness is so great." And now she looked at Milly—for whom again it was, all round indeed, kind, kind eyes. "Yes, there you are, my dear, if you want to know. And you're superb." She took now but a glance at the picture, though it was enough to make her question to her friends not too straight. "Isn't she superb?"

"You noticed it too?" She smiled at him without looking at Milly. "Then I'm not unique—which is what we all hope we are. But the resemblance is striking." Now she turned to Milly, who had kind, affectionate eyes all around. "Yes, there you are, my dear, in case you want to know. And you're amazing." She only glanced at the picture, but it was enough to make her question to her friends somewhat indirect. "Isn't she amazing?"

"I brought Miss Theale," Lord Mark explained to the latter, "quite off my own bat."

"I brought Miss Theale," Lord Mark explained to the latter, "completely on my own."

"I wanted Lady Aldershaw," Kate continued to Milly, "to see for herself."

"I wanted Lady Aldershaw," Kate continued to Milly, "to see it for herself."

"Les grands esprits se rencontrent!" laughed her attendant gentleman, a high, but slightly stooping, shambling and wavering person, who represented urbanity by the liberal aid of certain prominent front teeth and whom Milly vaguely took for some sort of great man.

"Great minds think alike!" laughed her attendant, a tall but slightly hunched, awkward-looking guy who showed off his sophistication with a noticeable gap in his front teeth, and whom Milly vaguely thought of as some kind of important figure.

Lady Aldershaw meanwhile looked at Milly quite as if Milly had been the Bronzino and the Bronzino only Milly. "Superb, superb. Of course I had noticed you. It is wonderful," she went on with her back to the picture, but with some other eagerness which Milly felt gathering, directing her motions now. It was enough—they were introduced, and she was saying "I wonder if you could give us the pleasure of coming——" She was not fresh, for she was not young, even though she denied at every pore that she was old; but she was vivid and much bejewelled for the midsummer daylight; and she was all in the palest pinks and blues. She didn't think, at this pass, that she could "come" anywhere—Milly didn't; and she already knew that somehow Lord Mark was saving her from the question. He had interposed, taking the words out of the lady's mouth and not caring at all if the lady minded. That was clearly the right way to treat her—at least for him; as she had only dropped, smiling, and then turned away with him. She had been dealt with—it would have done an enemy good. The gentleman still stood, a little helpless, addressing himself to the intention of urbanity as if it were a large loud whistle; he had been signing sympathy, in his way, while the lady made her overture; and Milly had, in this light, soon arrived at their identity. They were Lord and Lady Aldershaw, and the wife was the clever one. A minute or two later the situation had changed, and she knew it afterwards to have been by the subtle operation of Kate. She was herself saying that she was afraid she must go now if Susie could be found; but she was sitting down on the nearest seat to say it. The prospect, through opened doors, stretched before her into other rooms, down the vista of which Lord Mark was strolling with Lady Aldershaw, who, close to him and much intent, seemed to show from behind as peculiarly expert. Lord Aldershaw, for his part, had been left in the middle of the room, while Kate, with her back to him, was standing before her with much sweetness of manner. The sweetness was all for her; she had the sense of the poor gentleman's having somehow been handled as Lord Mark had handled his wife. He dangled there, he shambled a little; then he bethought himself of the Bronzino, before which, with his eyeglass, he hovered. It drew from him an odd, vague sound, not wholly distinct from a grunt, and a "Humph—most remarkable!" which lighted Kate's face with amusement. The next moment he had creaked away, over polished floors, after the others, and Milly was feeling as if she had been rude. But Lord Aldershaw was in every way a detail, and Kate was saying to her that she hoped she wasn't ill.

Lady Aldershaw looked at Milly as if Milly were the Bronzino, and the Bronzino was just Milly. "Absolutely stunning, absolutely stunning. Of course, I noticed you. It’s wonderful," she continued, turning her back to the painting but displaying an eagerness that Milly could feel building within her, guiding her movements now. That was enough—they were introduced, and she was saying, "I wonder if you could join us—" She wasn’t fresh, since she wasn’t young, despite her insistence that she was not old; but she was vibrant and very bejeweled for the midsummer daylight, dressed in the lightest shades of pink and blue. At this moment, Milly didn't think she could “join” anywhere; she already sensed that Lord Mark was preventing that question from being asked. He had stepped in, taking the words right out of the lady’s mouth, clearly indifferent to whether the lady minded. That was obviously the best way to handle things—at least for him; she had simply smiled, then turned away with him. She had been managed—it would have pleased an enemy. The gentleman was still standing there, a bit lost, trying to be polite as if it were a big, loud whistle; he had been signaling sympathy in his own way while the lady made her approach; and Milly, in that light, quickly figured out who they were. They were Lord and Lady Aldershaw, with the wife being the clever one. A minute or two later, the situation shifted, and she came to realize later that it was due to Kate’s subtle influence. She was now saying that she was afraid she had to leave if they could find Susie; but she was sitting down on the nearest seat to say it. The view through the open doors stretched out into other rooms, down which Lord Mark was walking with Lady Aldershaw, who, positioned close to him and very focused, seemed to appear particularly skilled. Lord Aldershaw, for his part, was left standing in the center of the room, while Kate, with her back to him, faced Milly with a very sweet demeanor. The sweetness was all directed at Milly; she sensed the poor gentleman had somehow been treated as Lord Mark had treated his wife. He lingered there, shuffling a bit; then he remembered the Bronzino, and hovered in front of it with his eyeglass. It drew from him a strange, vague sound, not entirely different from a grunt, followed by a "Humph—most remarkable!" that lit up Kate’s face with amusement. The next moment, he had creaked away across the polished floors after the others, and Milly felt as though she had been rude. But Lord Aldershaw was just a detail, and Kate was telling her that she hoped she wasn’t feeling unwell.

Thus it was that, aloft there in the great gilded historic chamber and the presence of the pale personage on the wall, whose eyes all the while seemed engaged with her own, she found herself suddenly sunk in something quite intimate and humble and to which these grandeurs were strange enough witnesses. It had come up, in the form in which she had had to accept it, all suddenly, and nothing about it, at the same time, was more marked than that she had in a manner plunged into it to escape from something else. Something else, from her first vision of her friend's appearance three minutes before, had been present to her even through the call made by the others on her attention; something that was perversely there, she was more and more uncomfortably finding, at least for the first moments and by some spring of its own, with every renewal of their meeting. "Is it the way she looks to him?" she asked herself—the perversity being that she kept in remembrance that Kate was known to him. It wasn't a fault in Kate—nor in him assuredly; and she had a horror, being generous and tender, of treating either of them as if it had been. To Densher himself she couldn't make it up—he was too far away; but her secondary impulse was to make it up to Kate. She did so now with a strange soft energy—the impulse immediately acting. "Will you render me to-morrow a great service?"

Thus it was that, up there in the grand gilded historic chamber and with the pale figure on the wall, whose eyes seemed to be locked onto hers, she suddenly found herself immersed in something deeply personal and humble, which these grand surroundings witnessed with a certain strangeness. It had emerged unexpectedly, in the form she had to accept, and nothing about it was more apparent than the fact that she had, in a way, dived into it to escape from something else. Something else, since her first glance at her friend's appearance three minutes before, had been present to her even amid the distractions called by the others; something that was oddly there, she increasingly felt, at least in the initial moments and by some force of its own, with every new encounter. "Is it the way she looks to him?" she wondered—the oddity being that she remembered Kate was known to him. It wasn't a flaw in Kate—nor in him, for sure; and she was horrified, being generous and kind, at the idea of treating either of them as if it were. To Densher himself, she couldn't reconcile things—he was too distant; but her second impulse was to make amends with Kate. She did so now with a strange, gentle energy—the impulse immediately kicking in. "Will you do me a big favor tomorrow?"

"Any service, dear child, in the world."

"Any service, dear child, in the world."

"But it's a secret one—nobody must know. I must be wicked and false about it."

"But it's a secret—nobody can find out. I have to be deceitful and dishonest about it."

"Then I'm your woman," Kate smiled, "for that's the kind of thing I love. Do let us do something bad. You're impossibly without sin, you know."

"Then I'm your girl," Kate smiled, "because that’s the kind of thing I love. Let's do something naughty. You're ridiculously innocent, you know."

Milly's eyes, on this, remained a little with their companion's. "Ah, I shan't perhaps come up to your idea. It's only to deceive Susan Shepherd."

Milly's eyes, on this, stayed a bit focused on her companion's. "Oh, I might not meet your expectations. It's just to trick Susan Shepherd."

"Oh!" said Kate as if this were indeed mild.

"Oh!" said Kate, sounding as if this was really nothing.

"But thoroughly—as thoroughly as I can."

"But completely— as completely as I can."

"And for cheating," Kate asked, "my powers will contribute? Well, I'll do my best for you." In accordance with which it was presently settled between them that Milly should have the aid and comfort of her presence for a visit to Sir Luke Strett. Kate had needed a minute for enlightenment, and it was quite grand for her comrade that this name should have said nothing to her. To Milly herself it had for some days been secretly saying much. The personage in question was, as she explained, the greatest of medical lights if she had got hold, as she believed (and she had used to this end the wisdom of the serpent) of the right, the special man. She had written to him three days before, and he had named her an hour, eleven-twenty; only it had come to her, on the eve, that she couldn't go alone. Her maid, on the other hand, wasn't good enough, and Susie was too good. Kate had listened, above all, with high indulgence. "And I'm betwixt and between, happy thought! Too good for what?"

"And for cheating," Kate asked, "will my skills help? Well, I’ll do my best for you." So they agreed that Milly would get the support of her company for a visit to Sir Luke Strett. Kate had needed a moment to understand, and it was quite impressive that this name meant nothing to her friend. For Milly, though, it had been carrying a lot of significance for days. The person in question was, as she explained, one of the greatest medical experts if she had indeed found, as she believed (and she had used her wits to do this), the right person. She had written to him three days earlier, and he had given her an appointment at eleven-twenty; but it had occurred to her the night before that she couldn't go alone. Her maid, on the other hand, wasn’t suitable, and Susie was too good. Kate had listened, especially with great understanding. "And I’m stuck in the middle, what a great thought! Too good for what?"

Milly thought. "Why, to be worried if it's nothing. And to be still more worried—I mean before she need be—if it isn't."

Milly thought, "Why worry if it’s nothing? And why be even more worried—I mean before it’s necessary—if it isn’t?"

Kate fixed her with deep eyes. "What in the world is the matter with you?" It had inevitably a sound of impatience, as if it had been a challenge really to produce something; so that Milly felt her for the moment only as a much older person, standing above her a little, doubting the imagined ailments, suspecting the easy complaints, of ignorant youth. It somewhat checked her, further, that the matter with her was what exactly as yet she wanted knowledge about; and she immediately declared, for conciliation, that if she were merely fanciful Kate would see her put to shame. Kate vividly uttered, in return, the hope that, since she could come out and be so charming, could so universally dazzle and interest, she wasn't all the while in distress or in anxiety—didn't believe herself, in short, to be in any degree seriously menaced. "Well, I want to make out—to make out!" was all that this consistently produced. To which Kate made clear answer: "Ah then, let us by all means!"

Kate looked at her with intense eyes. "What on earth is wrong with you?" There was an unmistakable hint of impatience in her voice, as if she were challenging Milly to explain herself. In that moment, Milly felt like a much younger person, standing beneath someone who doubted her imagined problems and questioned the trivial complaints of youth. It held her back a bit, since what was wrong with her was exactly what she wanted to understand. To smooth things over, she immediately stated that if she were just being fanciful, Kate would see her proved wrong. Kate responded hopefully, expressing that since Milly could come out and be so charming, sparkling and captivating, she shouldn't be in distress or anxiety—she should not believe herself to be seriously threatened in any way. "Well, I want to figure things out—figure things out!" was all that this consistently led to. To which Kate clearly replied, "Ah then, let's absolutely do that!"

"I thought," Milly said, "you would like to help me. But I must ask you, please, for the promise of absolute silence."

"I thought," Milly said, "you would want to help me. But I have to ask you, please, for a promise of complete silence."

"And how, if you are ill, can your friends remain in ignorance?"

"And how, if you are sick, can your friends stay unaware?"

"Well, if I am, it must of course finally come out. But I can go for a long time." Milly spoke with her eyes again on her painted sister's—almost as if under their suggestion. She still sat there before Kate, yet not without a light in her face. "That will be one of my advantages. I think I could die without its being noticed."

"Well, if I am, it has to come out eventually. But I can last for a long time." Milly said, her eyes once again on her painted sister's—almost as if influenced by them. She was still sitting there in front of Kate, but there was a glow on her face. "That will be one of my advantages. I think I could die without anyone noticing."

"You're an extraordinary young woman," her friend, visibly held by her, declared at last. "What a remarkable time to talk of such things!"

"You're an amazing young woman," her friend, obviously affected by her, finally said. "What a great time to talk about things like this!"

"Well, we won't talk, precisely"—Milly got herself together again. "I only wanted to make sure of you."

"Well, we won't talk, exactly"—Milly composed herself again. "I just wanted to confirm you."

"Here in the midst of——!" But Kate could only sigh for wonder—almost visibly too for pity.

"Here in the middle of——!" But Kate could only sigh in amazement—almost visibly for pity as well.

It made a moment during which her companion waited on her word; partly as if from a yearning, shy but deep, to have her case put to her just as Kate was struck by it; partly as if the hint of pity were already giving a sense to her whimsical "shot," with Lord Mark, at Mrs. Lowder's first dinner. Exactly this—the handsome girl's compassionate manner, her friendly descent from her own strength—was what she had then foretold. She took Kate up as if positively for the deeper taste of it. "Here in the midst of what?"

It created a moment where her companion eagerly waited for her to speak; partly out of a deep, shy yearning to understand her situation just as Kate experienced it; and partly because the suggestion of pity was already adding meaning to her quirky “joke” with Lord Mark at Mrs. Lowder's first dinner. This—the attractive girl's empathetic demeanor, her friendly acknowledgment of her own strength—was exactly what she had predicted. She engaged with Kate as if to truly savor the experience. "Here in the middle of what?"

"Of everything. There's nothing you can't have. There's nothing you can't do."

"Of everything. There’s nothing you can’t have. There’s nothing you can’t do."

"So Mrs. Lowder tells me."

"So Mrs. Lowder told me."

It just kept Kate's eyes fixed as possibly for more of that; then, however, without waiting, she went on. "We all adore you."

It just kept Kate's eyes locked as if hoping for more of that; then, without hesitation, she continued. "We all love you."

"You're wonderful—you dear things!" Milly laughed.

"You're amazing—you sweethearts!" Milly chuckled.

"No, it's you." And Kate seemed struck with the real interest of it. "In three weeks!"

"No, it's you." And Kate looked genuinely surprised by the importance of it. "In three weeks!"

Milly kept it up. "Never were people on such terms! All the more reason," she added, "that I shouldn't needlessly torment you."

Milly continued. "People have never been on such terms! That’s even more reason," she added, "why I shouldn’t unnecessarily bother you."

"But me? what becomes of me?" said Kate.

"But what about me?" said Kate.

"Well, you—" Milly thought—"if there's anything to bear, you'll bear it."

"Well, you—" Milly thought—"if there's anything to deal with, you'll handle it."

"But I won't bear it!" said Kate Croy.

"But I won't put up with it!" said Kate Croy.

"Oh yes, you will: all the same! You'll pity me awfully, but you'll help me very much. And I absolutely trust you. So there we are." There they were, then, since Kate had so to take it; but there, Milly felt, she herself in particular was; for it was just the point at which she had wished to arrive. She had wanted to prove to herself that she didn't horribly blame her friend for any reserve; and what better proof could there be than this quite special confidence? If she desired to show Kate that she really believed the latter liked her, how could she show it more than by asking her for help?

"Oh yes, you will: all the same! You'll feel really sorry for me, but you'll help me a lot. And I completely trust you. So here we are." There they were, then, since Kate had to accept it; but there, Milly felt, she herself particularly was; for it was exactly the point she had wanted to reach. She had wanted to prove to herself that she didn't really blame her friend for any hesitation; and what better proof could there be than this very special trust? If she wanted to show Kate that she truly believed she liked her, how could she demonstrate it better than by asking for her help?


XII


What it really came to, on the morrow, this first time—the time Kate went with her—was that the great man had, a little, to excuse himself; had, by a rare accident—for he kept his consulting-hours in general rigorously free—but ten minutes to give her; ten mere minutes which he yet placed at her service in a manner that she admired even more than she could meet it: so crystal-clean the great empty cup of attention that he set between them on the table. He was presently to jump into his carriage, but he promptly made the point that he must see her again, see her within a day or two; and he named for her at once another hour—easing her off beautifully too even then in respect to her possibly failing of justice to her errand. The minutes affected her in fact as ebbing more swiftly than her little army of items could muster, and they would probably have gone without her doing much more than secure another hearing, had it not been for her sense, at the last, that she had gained above all an impression. The impression—all the sharp growth of the final few moments—was neither more nor less than that she might make, of a sudden, in quite another world, another straight friend, and a friend who would moreover be, wonderfully, the most appointed, the most thoroughly adjusted of the whole collection, inasmuch as he would somehow wear the character scientifically, ponderably, proveably—not just loosely and sociably. Literally, furthermore, it wouldn't really depend on herself, Sir Luke Strett's friendship, in the least; perhaps what made her most stammer and pant was its thus queerly coming over her that she might find she had interested him even beyond her intention, find she was in fact launched in some current that would lose itself in the sea of science. At the same time that she struggled, however, she also surrendered; there was a moment at which she almost dropped the form of stating, of explaining, and threw herself, without violence, only with a supreme pointless quaver that had turned, the next instant, to an intensity of interrogative stillness, upon his general goodwill. His large, settled face, though firm, was not, as she had thought at first, hard; he looked, in the oddest manner, to her fancy, half like a general and half like a bishop, and she was soon sure that, within some such handsome range, what it would show her would be what was good, what was best for her. She had established, in other words, in this time-saving way, a relation with it; and the relation was the special trophy that, for the hour, she bore off. It was like an absolute possession, a new resource altogether, something done up in the softest silk and tucked away under the arm of memory. She hadn't had it when she went in, and she had it when she came out; she had it there under her cloak, but dissimulated, invisibly carried, when smiling, smiling, she again faced Kate Croy. That young lady had of course awaited her in another room, where, as the great man was to absent himself, no one else was in attendance; and she rose for her with such a face of sympathy as might have graced the vestibule of a dentist. "Is it out?" she seemed to ask as if it had been a question of a tooth; and Milly indeed kept her in no suspense at all.

What it really came down to the next day, this first time—the time Kate went with her—was that the important man had to make a bit of an excuse; he usually kept his consultation hours strictly open but managed to spare her ten minutes; just ten short minutes which he offered with such clarity and focus that she admired it more than she could reciprocate: his attention was like a completely clear cup set between them on the table. He was about to jump into his carriage, but he quickly made it clear that he needed to see her again within a day or two; he even suggested another time for her—gently reassuring her even then about her possibly not doing justice to her purpose. The minutes actually felt like they were slipping away faster than her list of things to discuss could grow, and they probably would have passed without her achieving much more than securing another meeting, if it hadn't been for her sense that, above all, she had made an impression. The impression—all the acute change in those final moments—was that she could unexpectedly gain, in quite another world, a new friend, and a friend who would, astonishingly, be the most suitable, the most perfectly adjusted of the whole group, because he would carry the scientific character of their relationship, in a solid, evidence-based way—not just casually and socially. Plus, it wouldn't really hinge on her for Sir Luke Strett's friendship; perhaps what made her the most anxious was the odd realization that she might have captured his interest even more than she intended, that she was somehow caught up in a current that would drift into the world of science. At the same time that she struggled, though, she also let go; there was a moment when she almost abandoned the formality of stating or explaining, and instead yielded to his general goodwill with a sort of quiet intensity. His broad, composed face, while firm, was not, as she initially thought, hard; he seemed oddly to her, half like a general and half like a bishop, and she quickly became sure that, within such an appealing range, he would show her what was good, what was best for her. In other words, in this time-saving way, she established a connection with him; and this connection became the special triumph that she took away from the hour. It felt like an absolute possession, a brand-new resource, something wrapped in the softest silk and tucked away under her arm of memory. She hadn't had it when she walked in, but she left with it; she had it concealed beneath her cloak, but invisibly carried, as she smiled, and faced Kate Croy again. That young woman had, of course, been waiting for her in another room, where, as the important man was leaving, no one else was present; and she stood up for her with a sympathetic expression that could have graced the entrance of a dentist's office. "Is it out?" she seemed to ask as if it were a question about a tooth; and Milly indeed kept her in no suspense at all.

"He's a dear. I'm to come again."

"He's really sweet. I'll be back."

"But what does he say?"

"But what does he mean?"

Milly was almost gay. "That I'm not to worry about anything in the world, and that if I'll be a good girl and do exactly what he tells me, he'll take care of me for ever and ever."

Milly was almost cheerful. "That I shouldn't worry about anything in the world, and that if I’m a good girl and do exactly what he says, he’ll take care of me forever."

Kate wondered as if things scarce fitted. "But does he allow then that you're ill?"

Kate wondered if things really fit together. "But does he really think you're sick?"

"I don't know what he allows, and I don't care. I shall know, and whatever it is it will be enough. He knows all about me, and I like it. I don't hate it a bit."

"I don't know what he permits, and I don't care. I'll find out, and whatever it is will be enough. He knows everything about me, and I'm okay with that. I don't dislike it at all."

Still, however, Kate stared. "But could he, in so few minutes, ask you enough——?"

Still, Kate kept staring. "But could he really, in just a few minutes, ask you enough—?"

"He asked me scarcely anything—he doesn't need to do anything so stupid," Milly said. "He can tell. He knows," she repeated; "and when I go back—for he'll have thought me over a little—it will be all right."

"He barely asked me anything—he doesn't need to do anything so foolish," Milly said. "He can tell. He knows," she repeated; "and when I go back—for he'll have thought about it a bit—it will be fine."

Kate, after a moment, made the best of this. "Then when are we to come?"

Kate paused for a moment and then made the most of it. "So when are we supposed to come?"

It just pulled her friend up, for even while they talked—at least it was one of the reasons—she stood there suddenly, irrelevantly, in the light of her other identity, the identity she would have for Mr. Densher. This was always, from one instant to another, an incalculable light, which, though it might go off faster than it came on, necessarily disturbed. It sprang, with a perversity all its own, from the fact that, with the lapse of hours and days, the chances themselves that made for his being named continued so oddly to fail. There were twenty, there were fifty, but none of them turned up. This, in particular, was of course not a juncture at which the least of them would naturally be present; but it would make, none the less, Milly saw, another day practically all stamped with avoidance. She saw in a quick glimmer, and with it all Kate's unconsciousness; and then she shook off the obsession. But it had lasted long enough to qualify her response. No, she had shown Kate how she trusted her; and that, for loyalty, would somehow do. "Oh, dear thing, now that the ice is broken I shan't trouble you again."

It just pulled her friend in, because even while they were talking—at least that was one of the reasons—she stood there suddenly, irrelevantly, in the light of her other identity, the one she would have for Mr. Densher. This was always, from one moment to the next, an unpredictable light, which, even though it might fade faster than it appeared, inevitably caused some disturbance. It came, with a strange twist of its own, from the fact that, as hours and days passed, the chances that led to him being named continued to curiously fail. There were twenty, there were fifty, but none of them showed up. This, in particular, wasn't a moment when the least of them would typically be around; but still, Milly realized, it would create another day practically marked by avoidance. She saw it in a quick flash, along with all of Kate's obliviousness; then she shook off the fixation. But it had lasted long enough to affect her reaction. No, she had shown Kate how much she trusted her; and that, for loyalty, would have to be enough. "Oh, dear thing, now that the ice is broken, I won’t bother you again."

"You'll come alone?"

"Are you coming alone?"

"Without a scruple. Only I shall ask you, please, for your absolute discretion still."

"Without any hesitation. I just ask you, please, to keep this completely confidential."

Outside, before the door, on the wide pavement of the great square, they had to wait again while their carriage, which Milly had kept, completed a further turn of exercise, engaged in by the coachman for reasons of his own. The footman was there, and had indicated that he was making the circuit; so Kate went on while they stood. "But don't you ask a good deal, darling, in proportion to what you give?"

Outside, in front of the door, on the wide sidewalk of the big square, they had to wait again while their carriage, which Milly had kept, made another round, driven by the coachman for his own reasons. The footman was there and had signaled that he was making the loop; so Kate continued talking while they stood. "But don’t you think you ask for a lot, sweetheart, compared to what you give?"

This pulled Milly up still shorter—so short in fact that she yielded as soon as she had taken it in. But she continued to smile. "I see. Then you can tell."

This made Milly feel even more overwhelmed—so overwhelmed, in fact, that she gave in as soon as she processed it. But she kept smiling. "I get it. So you can tell."

"I don't want to 'tell,'" said Kate. "I'll be as silent as the tomb if I can only have the truth from you. All I want is that you shouldn't keep from me how you find out that you really are."

"I don't want to 'tell,'" said Kate. "I'll stay as quiet as a grave if that means I can get the truth from you. All I want is for you not to hide from me how you figured out who you really are."

"Well then, I won't, ever. But you see for yourself," Milly went on, "how I really am. I'm satisfied. I'm happy."

"Well then, I won't, ever. But you see for yourself," Milly continued, "how I really am. I'm satisfied. I'm happy."

Kate looked at her long. "I believe you like it. The way things turn out for you——!"

Kate stared at her for a while. "I think you really enjoy it. The way things are going for you—!"

Milly met her look now without a thought of anything but the spoken. She had ceased to be Mr. Densher's image; she was all her own memento and she was none the less fine. Still, still, what had passed was a fair bargain, and it would do. "Of course I like it. I feel—I can't otherwise describe it—as if I had been, on my knees, to the priest. I've confessed and I've been absolved. It has been lifted off."

Milly faced her reflection now without thinking of anything other than what was said. She had stopped being just Mr. Densher's image; she was entirely her own memory, and she was still just as impressive. Still, what had happened was a fair deal, and it was enough. "Of course I like it. I feel—I can't really explain it—like I’ve been on my knees to the priest. I've confessed, and I've been forgiven. It has been taken away."

Kate's eyes never quitted her. "He must have liked you."

Kate's eyes never left her. "He must have liked you."

"Oh—doctors!" Milly said. "But I hope," she added, "he didn't like me too much." Then as if to escape a little from her friend's deeper sounding, or as impatient for the carriage, not yet in sight, her eyes, turning away, took in the great stale square. As its staleness, however, was but that of London fairly fatigued, the late hot London with its dance all danced and its story all told, the air seemed a thing of blurred pictures and mixed echoes, and an impression met the sense—an impression that broke, the next moment, through the girl's tightened lips. "Oh, it's a beautiful big world, and everyone, yes, everyone——!" It presently brought her back to Kate, and she hoped she didn't actually look as much as if she were crying as she must have looked to Lord Mark among the portraits at Matcham.

"Oh—doctors!" Milly said. "But I hope," she added, "he didn't like me too much." Then, as if trying to escape her friend's deeper thoughts, or maybe just impatient for the carriage that was still out of sight, her eyes turned away and took in the large, worn-out square. However, its worn-out feel was just that of London, tired from the late heat, a city where the dance had been danced and the stories told. The air seemed filled with blurred images and mixed sounds, and an impression hit her senses—an impression that broke through her tightly closed lips a moment later. "Oh, it's a beautiful big world, and everyone, yes, everyone——!" This thought soon brought her back to Kate, and she hoped she didn't actually look as much like she was crying as she must have to Lord Mark among the portraits at Matcham.

Kate at all events understood. "Everyone wants to be so nice?"

Kate understood it all the same. "Does everyone really want to be so nice?"

"So nice," said the grateful Milly.

"So nice," said Milly, feeling grateful.

"Oh," Kate laughed, "we'll pull you through! And won't you now bring Mrs. Stringham?"

"Oh," Kate laughed, "we'll get you through this! And can you bring Mrs. Stringham along?"

But Milly after an instant was again clear about that. "Not till I've seen him once more."

But Milly, after a moment, knew for sure again. "Not until I've seen him one more time."

She was to have found this preference, two days later, abundantly justified; and yet when, in prompt accordance with what had passed between them, she reappeared before her distinguished friend—that character having, for him, in the interval, built itself up still higher—the first thing he asked her was whether she had been accompanied. She told him, on this, straightway, everything; completely free at present from her first embarrassment, disposed even—as she felt she might become—to undue volubility, and conscious moreover of no alarm from his thus perhaps wishing that she had not come alone. It was exactly as if, in the forty-eight hours that had passed, her acquaintance with him had somehow increased, and his own knowledge in particular received mysterious additions. They had been together, before, scarce ten minutes; but the relation, the one the ten minutes had so beautifully created, was there to take straight up: and this not, on his own part, from mere professional heartiness, mere bedside manner, which she would have disliked—much rather from a quiet, pleasant air in him of having positively asked about her, asked here and there and found out. Of course he couldn't in the least have asked, or have wanted to; there was no source of information to his hand, and he had really needed none: he had found out simply by his genius—and found out, she meant, literally everything. Now she knew not only that she didn't dislike this—the state of being found out about; but that, on the contrary, it was truly what she had come for, and that, for the time at least, it would give her something firm to stand on. She struck herself as aware, aware as she had never been, of really not having had from the beginning anything firm. It would be strange for the firmness to come, after all, from her learning in these agreeable conditions that she was in some way doomed; but above all it would prove how little she had hitherto had to hold her up. If she was now to be held up by the mere process—since that was perhaps on the cards—of being let down, this would only testify in turn to her queer little history. That sense of loosely rattling had been no process at all; and it was ridiculously true that her thus sitting there to see her life put into the scales represented her first approach to the taste of orderly living. Such was Milly's romantic version—that her life, especially by the fact of this second interview, was put into the scales; and just the best part of the relation established might have been, for that matter, that the great grave charming man knew, had known at once, that it was romantic, and in that measure allowed for it. Her only doubt, her only fear, was whether he perhaps wouldn't even take advantage of her being a little romantic to treat her as romantic altogether. This doubtless was her danger with him; but she should see, and dangers in general meanwhile dropped and dropped.

She would discover this preference, just two days later, was completely justified; and yet when, as they had agreed, she met with her distinguished friend again—his reputation having only grown during that time—the first thing he asked was whether she had come with anyone. She immediately told him everything, feeling completely free from her earlier embarrassment, even leaning towards being overly talkative, and she wasn’t alarmed by him possibly wishing she hadn’t come alone. It was as if, in the forty-eight hours that had passed, her understanding of him had deepened, and his knowledge about her had mysteriously expanded. They had spent hardly ten minutes together before, but the connection that those ten minutes had beautifully established was now ripe for the picking, and it was not merely a professional courtesy on his part, which she would have found off-putting; rather, it stemmed from a calm, pleasant demeanor that suggested he had genuinely asked about her and gathered information here and there. Of course, he couldn’t have asked or wanted to; there was no source of information available to him, and he hadn’t really needed any: he had figured it all out simply by his insight—and she meant literally everything. Now, she realized not only that she didn’t mind being known—but that, on the contrary, it was exactly what she had come for, and that, for the moment, it would provide her with something solid to rely on. She felt more aware than ever that she had lacked anything stable from the beginning. It would be strange for that stability to arise from her learning, in such pleasant circumstances, that she was somehow doomed; but more than anything, it would show how little she had previously had to support her. If she was now to be supported by the simple process—since that was perhaps possible—of being let down, this would only reflect her odd little history. That sense of being loosely tossed around had been no genuine process at all; and it was absurdly true that her sitting there to have her life weighed was her first real encounter with the taste of orderly living. Such was Milly's romantic take—that her life, especially because of this second meeting, was indeed weighing in the balance; and the best part of the established connection might also have been that the great, serious, charming man understood it was romantic and acknowledged it to some extent. Her only doubt, her only fear, was whether he might take advantage of her slight romanticism to treat her as entirely romantic. This was undoubtedly her risk with him; but she would see, and her general concerns faded away.

The very place, at the end of a few minutes, the commodious, "handsome" room, far back in the fine old house, soundless from position, somewhat sallow with years of celebrity, somewhat sombre even at midsummer—the very place put on for her a look of custom and use, squared itself solidly round her as with promises and certainties. She had come forth to see the world, and this then was to be the world's light, the rich dusk of a London "back," these the world's walls, those the world's curtains and carpet. She should be intimate with the great bronze clock and mantel-ornaments, conspicuously presented in gratitude and long ago; she should be as one of the circle of eminent contemporaries, photographed, engraved, signatured, and in particular framed and glazed, who made up the rest of the decoration, and made up as well so much of the human comfort; and while she thought of all the clean truths, unfringed, unfingered, that the listening stillness, strained into pauses and waits, would again and again, for years, have kept distinct, she also wondered what she would eventually decide upon to present in gratitude. She would give something better at least than the brawny Victorian bronzes. This was precisely an instance of what she felt he knew of her before he had done with her: that she was secretly romancing at that rate, in the midst of so much else that was more urgent, all over the place. So much for her secrets with him, none of which really required to be phrased. It would have been, for example, a secret for her from any one else that without a dear lady she had picked up just before coming over she wouldn't have a decently near connection, of any sort, for such an appeal as she was making, to put forward: no one in the least, as it were, to produce for respectability. But his seeing it she didn't mind a scrap, and not a scrap either his knowing how she had left the dear lady in the dark. She had come alone, putting her friend off with a fraud: giving a pretext of shops, of a whim, of she didn't know what—the amusement of being for once in the streets by herself. The streets by herself were new to her—she had always had in them a companion, or a maid; and he was never to believe, moreover, that she couldn't take full in the face anything he might have to say. He was softly amused at her account of her courage; though he yet showed it somehow without soothing her too grossly. Still, he did want to know whom she had. Hadn't there been a lady with her on Wednesday?

The very place, after just a few minutes, the spacious, "stylish" room, deep in the beautiful old house, silent due to its location, a bit faded from years of fame, and somewhat gloomy even in the middle of summer—the very room gave her a sense of familiarity and comfort, surrounding her with promises and certainties. She had stepped out to explore the world, and this was meant to be the world’s light, the rich twilight of a London backstreet; these were the world’s walls, and those were the world’s curtains and carpet. She would get to know the impressive bronze clock and mantel decorations, proudly presented in gratitude long ago; she would feel like part of the circle of distinguished contemporaries, photographed, engraved, signed, and especially framed and glazed, who completed the rest of the décor and also provided a lot of human comfort. And while she thought about all the true moments, untouched and unspoiled, that the attentive silence, stretched into pauses and waits, would remember distinctly for years, she also wondered what she would eventually decide to give in return. She would offer something better than the heavy Victorian bronzes. This was exactly an example of what she sensed he understood about her before he was done with her: that she was secretly dreaming while surrounded by so much else that was more pressing, all around her. So much for her secrets with him, none of which really needed to be expressed. For instance, it would have been a secret from anyone else that without a dear lady she had met just before coming over, she wouldn’t have anyone decently close to her for such a request: no one at all, to put it that way, to present as respectable. But she didn’t care at all about him noticing this, nor did she mind his knowing how she had left the dear lady in the dark. She had come alone, dismissing her friend with a lie: claiming she was off to the shops, or pursuing a whim, or she didn’t know what—the fun of being out in the streets by herself for once. The streets by herself were new to her—she had always had a companion or a maid with her; and he was never to think, moreover, that she couldn’t face anything he might have to say. He was softly amused by her account of her bravery; although he managed to show it without overly comforting her. Still, he wanted to know who she had been with. Wasn’t there a lady with her on Wednesday?

"Yes—a different one. Not the one who's travelling with me. I've told her."

"Yes—a different one. Not the one who's traveling with me. I've told her."

Distinctly he was amused, and it added to his air—the greatest charm of all—of giving her lots of time. "You've told her what?"

Distinctly, he found it amusing, and it added to his appeal— the greatest charm of all—of letting her take her time. "What did you tell her?"

"Well," said Milly, "that I visit you in secret."

"Well," Milly said, "that I come to see you secretly."

"And how many persons will she tell?"

"And how many people will she tell?"

"Oh, she's devoted. Not one."

"Oh, she's dedicated. Not one."

"Well, if she's devoted doesn't that make another friend for you?"

"Well, if she's loyal, doesn't that mean you have another friend?"

It didn't take much computation, but she nevertheless had to think a moment, conscious as she was that he distinctly would want to fill out his notion of her—even a little, as it were, to warm the air for her. That, however—and better early than late—he must accept as of no use; and she herself felt for an instant quite a competent certainty on the subject of any such warming. The air, for Milly Theale, was, from the very nature of the case, destined never to rid itself of a considerable chill. This she could tell him with authority, if she could tell him nothing else; and she seemed to see now, in short, that it would importantly simplify. "Yes, it makes another; but they all together wouldn't make—well, I don't know what to call it but the difference. I mean when one is—really alone. I've never seen anything like the kindness." She pulled up a minute while he waited—waited again as if with his reasons for letting her, for almost making her, talk. What she herself wanted was not, for the third time, to cry, as it were, in public. She had never seen anything like the kindness, and she wished to do it justice; but she knew what she was about, and justice was not wronged by her being able presently to stick to her point. "Only one's situation is what it is. It's me it concerns. The rest is delightful and useless. Nobody can really help. That's why I'm by myself to-day. I want to be—in spite of Miss Croy, who came with me last. If you can help, so much the better and also of course if one can, a little, one's self. Except for that—you and me doing our best—I like you to see me just as I am. Yes, I like it—and I don't exaggerate. Shouldn't one, at the start, show the worst—so that anything after that may be better? It wouldn't make any real difference—it won't make any, anything that may happen won't—to any one. Therefore I feel myself, this way, with you, just as I am; and—if you do in the least care to know—it quite positively bears me up." She put it as to his caring to know, because his manner seemed to give her all her chance, and the impression was there for her to take. It was strange and deep for her, this impression, and she did, accordingly, take it straight home. It showed him—showed him in spite of himself—as allowing, somewhere far within, things comparatively remote, things in fact quite, as she would have said, outside, delicately to weigh with him; showed him as interested, on her behalf, in other questions beside the question of what was the matter with her. She accepted such an interest as regular in the highest type of scientific mind—his being the even highest, magnificently because otherwise, obviously, it wouldn't be there; but she could at the same time take it as a direct source of light upon herself, even though that might present her a little as pretending to equal him. Wanting to know more about a patient than how a patient was constructed or deranged couldn't be, even on the part of the greatest of doctors, anything but some form or other of the desire to let the patient down easily. When that was the case the reason, in turn, could only be, too manifestly, pity; and when pity held up its tell-tale face like a head on a pike, in a French revolution, bobbing before a window, what was the inference but that the patient was bad? He might say what he would now—she would always have seen the head at the window; and in fact from this moment she only wanted him to say what he would. He might say it too with the greater ease to himself as there wasn't one of her divinations that—as her own—he would in any way put himself out for. Finally, if he was making her talk she was talking; and what it could, at any rate, come to for him was that she wasn't afraid. If he wanted to do the dearest thing in the world for her he would show her he believed she wasn't; which undertaking of hers—not to have misled him—was what she counted at the moment as her presumptuous little hint to him that she was as good as himself. It put forward the bold idea that he could really be misled; and there actually passed between them for some seconds a sign, a sign of the eyes only, that they knew together where they were. This made, in their brown old temple of truth, its momentary flicker; then what followed it was that he had her, all the same, in his pocket; and the whole thing wound up, for that consummation, with its kind dim smile. Such kindness was wonderful with such dimness; but brightness—that even of sharp steel—was of course for the other side of the business, and it would all come in for her in one way or another. "Do you mean," he asked, "that you've no relations at all?—not a parent, not a sister, not even a cousin nor an aunt?"

It didn't take much thought, but she still had to pause for a moment, aware as she was that he definitely would want to understand her better—even just a bit, to lighten the atmosphere for her. That, however—and it was better to get it out of the way early—he must realize was pointless; and for a moment, she felt quite certain about any such lightening. The atmosphere, for Milly Theale, was, by its very nature, always going to remain pretty chilly. She could confidently tell him that, even if she had nothing else to share; and she felt she could see now that it would make things simpler. "Yes, it makes another; but all of them together wouldn't add up to—well, I can't quite describe it but the difference. I mean when one is—really alone. I've never experienced such kindness." She paused for a moment while he waited—waited again as if he had his reasons for letting her, for almost encouraging her, to talk. What she wanted was not, for the third time, to break down in public. She had never seen anything like the kindness, and she wanted to do it justice; but she knew what she was doing, and her ability to stay on point didn’t undermine that justice. "But one’s situation is what it is. It's me it concerns. The rest is pleasant but pointless. Nobody can really help. That’s why I’m here alone today. I want to be—in spite of Miss Croy, who came with me last. If you can help, that’s great, and of course if one can, a little, oneself. Aside from that—you and I doing our best—I want you to see me just as I am. Yes, I like it—and I’m not exaggerating. Shouldn’t one, to start with, show the worst—so that anything after that feels better? It wouldn’t change anything—it won't—anything that may happen won’t change anything for anyone. So I feel with you, like this, just as I am; and—if you do care to know—it really lifts me up." She framed it as if he might care to know because his demeanor seemed to give her all the opportunity, and the impression was there for her to seize. It was strange and profound for her, this impression, and she did, in fact, take it straight to heart. It revealed to him—despite his efforts to hold back—that he was allowing, somewhere deep inside, to consider things that were quite distant, things that, as she would put it, were really outside, delicately weighing upon him; it showed him as being genuinely interested, on her behalf, in matters beyond the question of what was wrong with her. She viewed such interest as a normal response from the best kind of scientific mind—his being the highest kind, magnificently because otherwise, obviously, it wouldn’t be there; but she could also see it as a direct source of insight about herself, even if it might make her seem a bit like she was trying to match him. Wanting to know more about a patient than just how they were built or how they were unwell couldn’t, even from the most brilliant doctors, be anything other than a desire to let the patient down gently. When that was true, the reasoning could only be, quite obviously, pity; and when pity displayed its unmistakable face like a trophy on a pole during a French revolution, bobbing outside a window, what could be inferred but that the patient was in bad shape? He might say whatever he wanted now—she would always see that trophy in the window; and from this moment on, she only wanted him to say whatever he would. He could speak more freely now since none of her insights—like her own—would require him to stretch himself in any way. Ultimately, if he was getting her to talk, she was talking; and what it would boil down to for him was that she wasn’t afraid. If he wanted to do the most caring thing for her, he would show her that he believed she wasn’t; this effort on her part—not to have misled him—was what she considered, at that moment, her audacious little hint to him that she was just as good as he was. It suggested the bold idea that he could actually be misled; and there passed between them for a few seconds a silent exchange, a sign only communicated through their eyes, that they both understood their situation. This brought a brief flicker of light to their dull old temple of truth; but what followed was that he still had her, just the same, in his pocket; and it all concluded, for that resolution, with a kind, dim smile. Such kindness was remarkable with such dimness; but brightness—that of sharp steel—certainly belonged to the other side of things, and it would all come into play for her one way or another. "Do you mean," he asked, "that you have no family at all?—not a parent, not a sister, not even a cousin or an aunt?"

She shook her head as with the easy habit of an interviewed heroine or a freak of nature at a show. "Nobody whatever." But the last thing she had come for was to be dreary about it. "I'm a survivor—a survivor of a general wreck. You see," she added, "how that's to be taken into account—that everyone else has gone. When I was ten years old there were, with my father and my mother, six of us. I'm all that's left. But they died," she went on, to be fair all round, "of different things. Still, there it is. And, as I told you before, I'm American. Not that I mean that makes me worse. However, you'll probably know what it makes me."

She shook her head like a seasoned interviewee or a sideshow oddity. "Nobody at all." But the last thing she wanted was to be a downer about it. "I'm a survivor—a survivor of a total disaster. You see," she added, "that's something to consider—that everyone else has disappeared. When I was ten, including my dad and my mom, there were six of us. I'm all that's left. But they died," she continued, to be fair to the situation, "of different causes. Still, that’s the reality. And, as I mentioned before, I'm American. Not that I think that makes me any worse. But you'll probably understand what that implies."

"Yes," he discreetly indulged her; "I know perfectly what it makes you. It makes you, to begin with, a capital case."

"Yeah," he quietly acknowledged; "I totally get what it makes you. It makes you, to start with, a prime example."

She sighed, though gratefully, as if again before the social scene. "Ah, there you are!"

She sighed, but it was a grateful sigh, as if she were once again in the midst of the social scene. "Ah, there you are!"

"Oh, no; there 'we' aren't at all. There I am only—but as much as you like. I've no end of American friends: there they are, if you please, and it's a fact that you couldn't very well be in a better place than in their company. It puts you with plenty of others—and that isn't pure solitude." Then he pursued: "I'm sure you've an excellent spirit; but don't try to bear more things than you need." Which after an instant he further explained. "Hard things have come to you in youth, but you mustn't think life will be for you all hard things. You've the right to be happy. You must make up your mind to it. You must accept any form in which happiness may come."

"Oh, no; we’re not like that at all. It’s just me here—but as much as you want. I have tons of American friends: there they are, if you want to see them, and honestly, you couldn’t ask for a better crowd than the one you’d have with them. It puts you with plenty of others—and that’s not total solitude." Then he continued: "I’m sure you have a great spirit, but don’t try to handle more than you have to." After a moment, he explained further. "You’ve faced tough times while growing up, but you shouldn’t think that life will always be full of challenges. You deserve to be happy. You need to commit to that. You have to embrace any way happiness comes to you."

"Oh, I'll accept any whatever!" she almost gaily returned. "And it seems to me, for that matter, that I'm accepting a new one every day. Now this!" she smiled.

"Oh, I'll take anything!" she almost cheerfully replied. "And it feels to me, actually, that I'm getting a new one every day. Now this!" she smiled.

"This is very well so far as it goes. You can depend on me," the great man said, "for unlimited interest. But I'm only, after all, one element in fifty. We must gather in plenty of others. Don't mind who knows. Knows, I mean, that you and I are friends."

"This is great so far as it goes. You can count on me," the important man said, "for unlimited support. But I’m just one part of a much larger team. We need to bring in plenty of others. It doesn’t matter who knows. I mean, who knows that you and I are friends."

"Ah, you do want to see some one!" she broke out. "You want to get at some one who cares for me." With which, however, as he simply met this spontaneity in a manner to show that he had often had it from young persons of her race, and that he was familiar even with the possibilities of their familiarity, she felt her freedom rendered vain by his silence, and she immediately tried to think of the most reasonable thing she could say. This would be, precisely, on the subject of that freedom, which she now quickly spoke of as complete. "That's of course by itself a great boon; so please don't think I don't know it. I can do exactly what I like—anything in all the wide world. I haven't a creature to ask—there's not a finger to stop me. I can shake about till I'm black and blue. That perhaps isn't all joy; but lots of people, I know, would like to try it." He had appeared about to put a question, but then had let her go on, which she promptly did, for she understood him the next moment as having thus taken it from her that her means were as great as might be. She had simply given it to him so, and this was all that would ever pass between them on the odious head. Yet she couldn't help also knowing that an important effect, for his judgment, or at least for his amusement—which was his feeling, since, marvellously, he did have feeling—was produced by it. All her little pieces had now then fallen together for him like the morsels of coloured glass that used to make combinations, under the hand, in the depths of one of the polygonal peepshows of childhood. "So that if it's a question of my doing anything under the sun that will help——!"

"Ah, you want to see someone!” she exclaimed. “You want to get to someone who cares for me.” However, as he responded to her spontaneity in a way that suggested he had often encountered this from young people like her and was well aware of their level of familiarity, she felt her freedom rendered pointless by his silence. She quickly tried to think of something reasonable to say. This would be about that freedom, which she now described as complete. “That’s, of course, a significant benefit. So please don’t think I don’t appreciate it. I can do exactly what I want—anything in the entire world. I don’t have to answer to anyone—there’s nothing stopping me. I can move around until I’m bruised. That might not be all fun, but I know a lot of people would love to experience it.” He seemed ready to ask a question but then let her continue, which she promptly did, realizing he had taken it from her that her means were as extensive as they could be. She had simply conveyed that to him, and this was all that would ever be said between them on that unpleasant subject. Yet she couldn’t help but know that it had a significant impact on his judgment, or at least his amusement—which was a feeling he surprisingly had. All her little pieces had now come together for him like colorful glass fragments that used to form combinations in the depths of one of those childhood peep shows. “So if it’s a question of my doing anything under the sun that will help—!"

"You'll do anything under the sun? Good." He took that beautifully, ever so pleasantly, for what it was worth; but time was needed—ten minutes or so were needed on the spot—to deal even provisionally, with the substantive question. It was convenient, in its degree, that there was nothing she wouldn't do; but it seemed also highly and agreeably vague that she should have to do anything. They thus appeared to be taking her, together, for the moment, and almost for sociability, as prepared to proceed to gratuitous extremities; the upshot of which was in turn, that after much interrogation, auscultation, exploration, much noting of his own sequences and neglecting of hers, had duly kept up the vagueness, they might have struck themselves, or may at least strike us, as coming back from an undeterred but useless voyage to the north pole. Milly was ready, under orders, for the north pole; which fact was doubtless what made a blinding anticlimax of her friend's actual abstention from orders. "No," she heard him again distinctly repeat it, "I don't want you for the present to do anything at all; anything, that is, but obey a small prescription or two that will be made clear to you, and let me within a few days come to see you at home."

"You'll do anything under the sun? Good." He took that beautifully, very pleasantly, for what it was worth; but they needed time—about ten minutes or so—to address the main question, even if just temporarily. It was somewhat convenient that there was nothing she wouldn't do; but it also seemed pleasantly vague that she would have to do anything. It looked like they were both taking her for the moment, almost out of friendliness, as if they were ready to go to unnecessary extremes; which led to the result that after a lot of questioning, listening, exploring, and noting his own thoughts while ignoring hers, they managed to keep the vagueness alive. They might have felt like they were returning from an undeterred but pointless trip to the North Pole. Milly was prepared, under instructions, for the North Pole; and that was probably why her friend's actual decision to hold back felt like a total letdown. "No," she distinctly heard him say again, "I don’t want you to do anything at all for now; anything, that is, except follow a couple of small instructions that I’ll clarify for you, and let me come see you at home in a few days."

It was at first heavenly. "Then you'll see Mrs. Stringham." But she didn't mind a bit now.

It was amazing at first. "Then you'll meet Mrs. Stringham." But she didn't care at all now.

"Well, I shan't be afraid of Mrs. Stringham." And he said it once more as she asked once more: "Absolutely not; I 'send' you nowhere. England's all right—anywhere that's pleasant, convenient, decent, will be all right. You say you can do exactly as you like. Oblige me therefore by being so good as to do it. There's only one thing: you ought of course, now, as soon as I've seen you again, to get out of London."

"Well, I won't be afraid of Mrs. Stringham." And he repeated it as she asked again: "Not at all; I won't send you anywhere. England's fine—anywhere that's nice, convenient, and decent will be good. You say you can do whatever you want. So please do that. There's just one thing: you should, of course, as soon as I've seen you again, get out of London."

Milly thought. "May I then go back to the continent?"

Milly thought, "Can I go back to the mainland then?"

"By all means back to the continent. Do go back to the continent."

"Definitely back to the continent. Go back to the continent."

"Then how will you keep seeing me? But perhaps," she quickly added, "you won't want to keep seeing me."

"Then how will you keep seeing me? But maybe," she quickly added, "you won't want to keep seeing me."

He had it all ready; he had really everything all ready. "I shall follow you up; though if you mean that I don't want you to keep seeing me——"

He had everything prepared; he really had it all set. "I will follow you; although if you're saying that I don't want you to keep seeing me——"

"Well?" she asked.

"What's up?" she asked.

It was only just here that he struck her the least bit as stumbling. "Well, see all you can. That's what it comes to. Worry about nothing. You have at least no worries. It's a great, rare chance."

It was right here that he seemed to stumble just a little. "Well, take in as much as you can. That's what it’s all about. Don’t stress over anything. You don’t have any worries at all. It’s a great, rare opportunity."

She had got up, for she had had from him both that he would send her something and would advise her promptly of the date of his coming to her, by which she was virtually dismissed. Yet, for herself, one or two things kept her. "May I come back to England too?"

She had gotten up because he had told her that he would send her something and would let her know quickly when he would come to see her, which meant she was pretty much dismissed. Still, there were one or two things that held her back. "Can I come back to England too?"

"Rather! Whenever you like. But always, when you do come, immediately let me know."

"Sure! Whenever you want. But always, when you do show up, just let me know right away."

"Ah," said Milly, "it won't be a great going to and fro."

"Ah," Milly said, "it won't be much of a back-and-forth."

"Then if you'll stay with us, so much the better."

"Then if you’ll stick around with us, that’s even better."

It touched her, the way he controlled his impatience of her; and the fact itself affected her as so precious that she yielded to the wish to get more from it. "So you don't think I'm out of my mind?"

It moved her, the way he managed his impatience with her; and the very fact was so valuable to her that she couldn’t help but want to experience more of it. "So you don’t think I’m crazy?"

"Perhaps that is," he smiled, "all that's the matter."

"Maybe that is," he smiled, "everything that's going on."

She looked at him longer. "No, that's too good. Shall I, at any rate, suffer?"

She stared at him for a while longer. "No, that's too much. Should I, anyway, have to endure this?"

"Not a bit."

"Not at all."

"And yet then live?"

"And yet, do you live?"

"My dear young lady," said her distinguished friend, "isn't to 'live' exactly what I'm trying to persuade you to take the trouble to do?"

"My dear young lady," said her distinguished friend, "isn't 'living' exactly what I'm trying to convince you to make the effort to do?"


XIII


She had gone out with these last words so in her ears that when once she was well away—back this time in the great square alone—it was as if some instant application of them had opened out there before her. It was positively, this effect, an excitement that carried her on; she went forward into space under the sense of an impulse received—an impulse simple and direct, easy above all to act upon. She was borne up for the hour, and now she knew why she had wanted to come by herself. No one in the world could have sufficiently entered into her state; no tie would have been close enough to enable a companion to walk beside her without some disparity. She literally felt, in this first flush, that her only company must be the human race at large, present all round her, but inspiringly impersonal, and that her only field must be, then and there, the grey immensity of London. Grey immensity had somehow of a sudden become her element; grey immensity was what her distinguished friend had, for the moment, furnished her world with and what the question of "living," as he put it to her, living by option, by volition, inevitably took on for its immediate face. She went straight before her, without weakness, altogether with strength; and still as she went she was more glad to be alone, for nobody—not Kate Croy, not Susan Shepherd either—would have wished to rush with her as she rushed. She had asked him at the last whether, being on foot, she might go home so, or elsewhere, and he had replied as if almost amused again at her extravagance: "You're active, luckily, by nature—it's beautiful: therefore rejoice in it. Be active, without folly—for you're not foolish: be as active as you can and as you like." That had been in fact the final push, as well as the touch that most made a mixture of her consciousness—a strange mixture that tasted at one and the same time of what she had lost and what had been given her. It was wonderful to her, while she took her random course, that these quantities felt so equal: she had been treated—hadn't she?—as if it were in her power to live; and yet one wasn't treated so—was one?—unless it came up, quite as much, that one might die. The beauty of the bloom had gone from the small old sense of safety—that was distinct: she had left it behind her there forever. But the beauty of the idea of a great adventure, a big dim experiment or struggle in which she might, more responsibly than ever before, take a hand, had been offered her instead. It was as if she had had to pluck off her breast, to throw away, some friendly ornament, a familiar flower, a little old jewel, that was part of her daily dress; and to take up and shoulder as a substitute some queer defensive weapon, a musket, a spear, a battle-axe conducive possibly in a higher degree to a striking appearance, but demanding all the effort of the military posture. She felt this instrument, for that matter, already on her back, so that she proceeded now in very truth as a soldier on a march—proceeded as if, for her initiation, the first charge had been sounded. She passed along unknown streets, over dusty littery ways, between long rows of fronts not enhanced by the August light; she felt good for miles and only wanted to get lost; there were moments at corners, where she stopped and chose her direction, in which she quite lived up to his injunction to rejoice that she was active. It was like a new pleasure to have so new a reason; she would affirm, without delay, her option, her volition; taking this personal possession of what surrounded her was a fair affirmation to start with; and she really didn't care if she made it at the cost of alarms for Susie. Susie would wonder in due course "whatever," as they said at the hotel, had become of her; yet this would be nothing either, probably, to wonderments still in store. Wonderments in truth, Milly felt, even now attended her steps: it was quite as if she saw in people's eyes the reflection of her appearance and pace. She found herself moving at times in regions visibly not haunted by odd-looking girls from New York, duskily draped, sable-plumed, all but incongruously shod and gazing about them with extravagance; she might, from the curiosity she clearly excited in byways, in side-streets peopled with grimy children and costermongers carts, which she hoped were slums, literally have had her musket on her shoulder, have announced herself as freshly on the warpath. But for the fear of overdoing this character she would here and there have begun conversation, have asked her way; in spite of the fact that, as that would help the requirements of adventure, her way was exactly what she wanted not to know. The difficulty was that she at last accidentally found it; she had come out, she presently saw, at the Regent's Park, round which, on two or three occasions with Kate Croy, her public chariot had solemnly rolled. But she went into it further now; this was the real thing; the real thing was to be quite away from the pompous roads, well within the centre and on the stretches of shabby grass. Here were benches and smutty sheep; here were idle lads at games of ball, with their cries mild in the thick air; here were wanderers, anxious and tired like herself; here doubtless were hundreds of others just in the same box. Their box, their great common anxiety, what was it, in this grim breathing-space, but the practical question of life? They could live if they would; that is, like herself, they had been told so; she saw them all about her, on seats, digesting the information, feeling it altered, assimilated, recognising it again as something, in a slightly different shape, familiar enough, the blessed old truth that they would live if they could. All she thus shared with them made her wish to sit in their company; which she so far did that she looked for a bench that was empty, eschewing a still emptier chair that she saw hard by and for which she would have paid, with superiority, a fee.

She had left those last words echoing in her ears, so much so that when she was finally away—back in the big square alone—it felt like they had suddenly come to life around her. It was genuinely exciting, and it propelled her forward; she moved ahead, energized by a direct and simple impulse that was easy to act on. For that hour, she felt lifted, and she understood why she needed to be alone. No one in the world could truly understand her feelings; no bond was close enough for someone to walk beside her without feeling some kind of mismatch. In that first burst of emotion, she felt that her only companions had to be humanity itself, all around her—vaguely inspiring and impersonal—and that the only place for her was the vast greyness of London. That grey expanse had suddenly become her natural environment; it was what her distinguished friend had, for now, infused into her world and what the concept of "living," as he put it to her—living intentionally, by choice—immediately represented. She moved forward, strong and confident; and as she walked, she was increasingly grateful to be alone, because no one—not Kate Croy, not Susan Shepherd—would want to keep pace with her as she rushed ahead. She had asked him if she could go home on foot, or elsewhere, and he had responded, almost amused by her enthusiasm: "You're naturally active—that's wonderful! So enjoy it. Be active, but wisely—because you’re no fool: be as active as you can and as you wish." That had really been the final push, creating a complex blend of feelings in her—a strange mix that, at once, tasted of what she had lost and what had been handed to her. It amazed her that those two feelings felt so balanced: she had been treated—hadn’t she?—as if it were her choice to live; yet one isn’t treated like that—are they?—unless it’s equally possible to die. The beauty of safety had faded from that small, old sensation—that was clear: she had left that behind forever. But she had been offered the beauty of a great adventure, a vast, uncertain experiment or struggle where she could engage more responsibly than ever before. It felt like she had to shed a comforting ornament, a familiar flower, a little old jewel that was part of her everyday attire, and instead take up some peculiar weapon—a musket, a spear, a battle-axe—which might indeed create a striking appearance but required all the effort of a military stance. She already felt this instrument on her back, moving now as a soldier on a mission—moving as if the first charge had already been given. She walked through unfamiliar streets, over dusty, litter-filled paths, between long rows of buildings that the August light didn't enhance; she felt good for miles and just wanted to get lost; there were moments at corners, where she paused to choose her direction, that she fully embraced his advice to be joyful in her activity. It was refreshing to have such a new reason for pleasure; she would affirm her choice, her intention; taking personal ownership of what surrounded her was a fair way to start; and she honestly didn’t care if it worried Susie. Susie would eventually wonder—"whatever," as they said at the hotel, had become of her; but that would likely be nothing compared to the surprises still to come. Milly felt that even now, wonders accompanied her steps: it was almost as if she saw in people’s faces the reflection of her own presence and pace. She noticed at times she was moving in areas visibly not frequented by odd-looking girls from New York, dressed in dark fabrics and extravagant footwear, gazing around them with flair; she might have, given the curiosity she evidently sparked in side streets and alleys filled with grimy kids and market carts—which she hoped were slums—literally had her musket slung over her shoulder, proudly declaring herself on a quest. But fearing to overdo the character she was playing, she sometimes hesitated to start conversations or ask for directions; despite how helpful that would be for her adventure, knowing where to go was exactly what she didn’t want. The challenge came when she inadvertently discovered it; she realized she had ended up at Regent's Park, where her public carriage had rolled solemnly on a couple of occasions with Kate Croy. But now she delved deeper; this was the real thing; the true essence lay far from the grand roads, well into the heart of the shabby green spaces. Here were benches and dirty sheep; here were young boys playing ball, their voices soft in the thick air; here were other wanderers, weary and anxious like her; no doubt hundreds of others shared the same worries. What was their shared concern in this grim space but the practical challenge of life? They could live if they chose; that is, like her, they had been told so; she saw them all around, sitting and absorbing that information, sensing its shift, integrating it, recognizing it once more as something, slightly altered but still familiar—the age-old truth that they would live if they could. All she shared with them made her want to sit among them; so she sought out an empty bench while avoiding an even emptier chair nearby that she would have happily paid a premium for.

The last scrap of superiority had soon enough left her, if only because she before long knew herself for more tired than she had proposed. This and the charm, after a fashion, of the situation in itself made her linger and rest; there was a sort of spell in the sense that nobody in the world knew where she was. It was the first time in her life that this had happened; somebody, everybody appeared to have known before, at every instant of it, where she was; so that she was now suddenly able to put it to herself that that hadn't been a life. This present kind of thing therefore might be—which was where precisely her distinguished friend seemed to be wishing her to come out. He wished her also, it was true, not to make, as she was perhaps doing now, too much of her isolation; at the same time however as he clearly desired to deny her no decent source of interest. He was interested—she arrived at that—in her appealing to as many sources as possible; and it fairly filtered into her, as she sat and sat, that he was essentially propping her up. Had she been doing it herself she would have called it bolstering—the bolstering that was simply for the weak; and she thought and thought as she put together the proofs that it was as one of the weak he was treating her. It was of course as one of the weak that she had gone to him—but, oh, with how sneaking a hope that he might pronounce her, as to all indispensables, a veritable young lioness! What indeed she was really confronted with was the consciousness that he had not, after all, pronounced her anything: she nursed herself into the sense that he had beautifully got out of it. Did he think, however, she wondered, that he could keep out of it to the end?—though, as she weighed the question, she yet felt it a little unjust. Milly weighed, in this extraordinary hour, questions numerous and strange; but she had, happily, before she moved, worked round to a simplification. Stranger than anything, for instance, was the effect of its rolling over her that, when one considered it, he might perhaps have "got out" by one door but to come in with a beautiful, beneficent dishonesty by another. It kept her more intensely motionless there that what he might fundamentally be "up to" was some disguised intention of standing by her as a friend. Wasn't that what women always said they wanted to do when they deprecated the addresses of gentlemen they couldn't more intimately go on with? It was what they, no doubt, sincerely fancied they could make of men of whom they couldn't make husbands. And she didn't even reason that it was, by a similar law, the expedient of doctors in general for the invalids of whom they couldn't make patients: she was somehow so sufficiently aware that her doctor was—however fatuous it might sound—exceptionally moved. This was the damning little fact—if she could talk of damnation: that she could believe herself to have caught him in the act of irrelevantly liking her. She hadn't gone to him to be liked, she had gone to him to be judged; and he was quite a great enough man to be in the habit, as a rule, of observing the difference. She could like him, as she distinctly did—that was another matter; all the more that her doing so was now, so obviously for herself, compatible with judgment. Yet it would have been all portentously mixed had not, as we say, a final, merciful wave, chilling rather, but washing clear, come to her assistance.

The last bit of superiority quickly faded from her, mainly because she soon realized she was more tired than she had intended. This, along with the strange allure of her situation, made her linger and rest; there was something magical about knowing that nobody in the world knew where she was. It was the first time in her life this had happened; someone, everyone, always seemed to have known exactly where she was at every moment. Now, she was suddenly able to tell herself that this hadn’t really been living. This current experience might be—this was precisely where her distinguished friend seemed to want her to go. He also wished her, it was true, not to make too much of her isolation; yet it was clear that he didn’t want to deny her a decent source of interest. He was interested—she figured that out—in her reaching out to as many sources of interest as possible; and it became evident to her as she sat and sat that he was effectively supporting her. If she had been doing it herself, she would have called it bolstering—for the weak; and she thought and thought as she gathered the evidence that he was treating her as one of the weak. Of course, she had gone to him as one of the weak—but oh, with such a sneaky hope that he might declare her, in all essentials, a true young lioness! What she was really faced with was the awareness that he hadn’t declared her anything after all: she convinced herself that he had gracefully stayed out of it. But did he think, she wondered, that he could avoid it forever? Though as she considered the question, she did feel it was a bit unfair. In this peculiar moment, Milly pondered countless strange questions; but fortunately, before moving, she managed to simplify things. Stranger than anything was the realization that, when you thought about it, he might have "got out" one way but entered with a beautiful, kind of beneficial dishonesty through another. It kept her even more still, knowing that what he might really be "up to" was some hidden intention to stand by her as a friend. Isn’t that what women always said they wanted to do when they rejected the advances of men they couldn’t get closer to? They sincerely believed they could get something from men they couldn’t marry. And she didn’t even think that, by a similar rule, it was doctors’ typical strategy for patients they couldn’t actually treat: she was somehow aware that her doctor was—however silly it might seem—genuinely affected. This was the damning little fact—if she could talk about damnation: that she believed she caught him actively liking her. She hadn’t gone to him to be liked; she had gone to him to be judged; and he was indeed a great enough man to usually notice the difference. She could like him, as she definitely did—that was separate; especially since her liking him now was obviously compatible with judgment. Still, it would have been overwhelmingly complicated if not for what we might call a final, merciful wave, chilling yet cleansing, that came to her aid.

It came, of a sudden, when all other thought was spent. She had been asking herself why, if her case was grave—and she knew what she meant by that—he should have talked to her at all about what she might with futility "do"; or why on the other hand, if it were light, he should attach an importance to the office of friendship. She had him, with her little lonely acuteness—as acuteness went during the dog-days in the Regent's Park—in a cleft stick: she either mattered, and then she was ill; or she didn't matter, and then she was well enough. Now he was "acting," as they said at home, as if she did matter—until he should prove the contrary. It was too evident that a person at his high pressure must keep his inconsistencies, which were probably his highest amusements, only for the very greatest occasions. Her prevision, in fine, of just where she should catch him furnished the light of that judgment in which we describe her as daring to indulge. And the judgment it was that made her sensation simple. He had distinguished her—that was the chill. He hadn't known—how could he?—that she was devilishly subtle, subtle exactly in the manner of the suspected, the suspicious, the condemned. He in fact confessed to it, in his way, as to an interest in her combinations, her funny race, her funny losses, her funny gains, her funny freedom, and, no doubt, above all, her funny manners—funny, like those of Americans at their best, without being vulgar, legitimating amiability and helping to pass it off. In his appreciation of these redundancies he dressed out for her the compassion he so signally permitted himself to waste; but its operation for herself was as directly divesting, denuding, exposing. It reduced her to her ultimate state, which was that of a poor girl with her rent to pay for example—staring before her in a great city. Milly had her rent to pay, her rent for her future; everything else but how to meet it fell away from her in pieces, in tatters. This was the sensation the great man had doubtless not purposed. Well, she must go home, like the poor girl, and see. There might after all be ways; the poor girl too would be thinking. It came back for that matter perhaps to views already presented. She looked about her again, on her feet, at her scattered, melancholy comrades—some of them so melancholy as to be down on their stomachs in the grass, turned away, ignoring, burrowing; she saw once more, with them, those two faces of the question between which there was so little to choose for inspiration. It was perhaps superficially more striking that one could live if one would; but it was more appealing, insinuating, irresistible, in short, that one would live if one could.

It came suddenly, when all other thoughts were exhausted. She had been wondering why, if her situation was serious—and she understood exactly what she meant by that—he even bothered to discuss what she might futilely "do"; or why, if it was minor, he would give so much importance to their friendship. She had him, with her little lonely insight—as insight went during the sweltering days in Regent's Park—caught in a dilemma: either she mattered, in which case she was ill; or she didn’t matter, which meant she was well enough. Now he was "acting," as they said back home, as if she did matter—until he proved otherwise. It was clear that someone under such pressure needed to save his inconsistencies, likely his biggest sources of amusement, for only the most significant occasions. Her anticipation of where she could catch him gave her the clarity for the judgment she allowed herself to embrace. And that judgment simplified her feelings. He had distinguished her—that was the unsettling part. He couldn’t have known—how could he?—that she was incredibly subtle, precisely in the way of someone who is suspected, suspicious, or condemned. He actually acknowledged it, in his own way, as his interest in her quirks, her odd past, her strange achievements, her odd freedoms, and especially her peculiar manners—quirky, like those of Americans at their best, without being crass, validating friendliness and helping to make it seem natural. Through his appreciation of these peculiarities, he dressed up the compassion he so openly allowed himself to show; but its effect on her was directly stripping, exposing, revealing. It reduced her to her bare reality, which was that of a poor girl needing to pay rent, for instance—staring into the distance in a big city. Milly had rent to pay, rent for her future; everything else but how to manage it fell away from her in pieces, in tatters. This was the sensation the important man likely hadn’t intended. Well, she would have to go home, like the poor girl, and figure it out. There might still be solutions; the poor girl would be thinking too. It perhaps came back to ideas already presented. She looked around again, standing amidst her scattered, sorrowful companions—some of whom were so melancholy they lay face down in the grass, turned away, ignoring everything, burrowing into the ground; she saw again, with them, those two perspectives on the dilemma between which there was so little to inspire choice. It was perhaps superficially more striking that someone could live if they wanted; but it was more appealing, suggestive, and ultimately irresistible that someone would live if they could.

She found after this, for the day or two, more amusement than she had ventured to count on in the fact, if it were not a mere fancy, of deceiving Susie; and she presently felt that what made the difference was the mere fancy—as this was one—of a countermove to her great man. His taking on himself—should he do so—to get at her companion made her suddenly, she held, irresponsible, made any notion of her own all right for her; though indeed at the very moment she invited herself to enjoy this impunity she became aware of new matter for surprise, or at least for speculation. Her idea would rather have been that Mrs. Stringham would have looked at her hard—her sketch of the grounds of her long, independent excursion showing, she could feel, as almost cynically superficial. Yet the dear woman so failed, in the event, to avail herself of any right of criticism that it was sensibly tempting, for an hour, to wonder if Kate Croy had been playing perfectly fair. Hadn't she possibly, from motives of the highest benevolence, promptings of the finest anxiety, just given poor Susie what she would have called the straight tip? It must immediately be mentioned, however, that, quite apart from a remembrance of the distinctness of Kate's promise, Milly, the next thing, found her explanation in a truth that had the merit of being general. If Susie, at this crisis, suspiciously spared her, it was really that Susie was always suspiciously sparing her—yet occasionally, too, with portentous and exceptional mercies. The girl was conscious of how she dropped at times into inscrutable, impenetrable deferences—attitudes that, though without at all intending it, made a difference for familiarity, for the ease of intimacy. It was as if she recalled herself to manners, to the law of court-etiquette—which last note above all helped our young woman to a just appreciation. It was definite for her, even if not quite solid, that to treat her as a princess was a positive need of her companion's mind; wherefore she couldn't help it if this lady had her transcendent view of the way the class in question were treated. Susan had read history, had read Gibbon and Froude and Saint-Simon; she had high-lights as to the special allowances made for the class, and, since she saw them, when young, as effete and overtutored, inevitably ironic and infinitely refined, one must take it for amusing if she inclined to an indulgence verily Byzantine. If one could only be Byzantine!—wasn't that what she insidiously led one on to sigh? Milly tried to oblige her—for it really placed Susan herself so handsomely to be Byzantine now. The great ladies of that race—it would be somewhere in Gibbon—weren't, apparently, questioned about their mysteries. But oh, poor Milly and hers! Susan at all events proved scarce more inquisitive than if she had been a mosaic at Ravenna. Susan was a porcelain monument to the odd moral that consideration might, like cynicism, have abysses. Besides, the Puritan finally disencumbered——! What starved generations wasn't Mrs. Stringham, in fancy, going to make up for?

She found, for a day or two afterward, more fun than she expected in the idea—if it wasn’t just her imagination—of tricking Susie; and she soon realized that what made the difference was really just the idea—as this was one—of making a counter move against her significant other. His deciding—if he did—to check in on her friend made her feel suddenly, in her opinion, free from responsibility, making any thought of her own perfectly acceptable; although, at that very moment when she allowed herself to enjoy this freedom, she became aware of new grounds for surprise, or at least curiosity. She would have thought Mrs. Stringham would scrutinize her closely—her account of the reasons for her long, independent outing felt, she sensed, almost cynically shallow. Yet the dear woman, in that moment, completely refrained from any right to criticize, which made it tempting, for an hour, to wonder if Kate Croy had been entirely honest. Hadn’t she perhaps, out of the noblest intentions, the purest worry, simply given poor Susie what she would have termed the straightforward advice? It must immediately be noted, however, that, aside from recalling the clarity of Kate's promise, Milly next found her explanation in a truth that had the virtue of being universal. If, at this critical moment, Susie suspiciously held back from her, it was really because Susie always held back suspiciously—yet occasionally, too, with significant and exceptional kindness. The girl was aware of how she sometimes slipped into inscrutable, impenetrable deference—attitudes that, without any intent, made a difference for familiarity and the ease of closeness. It was as if she reminded herself of manners, of the law of court etiquette—which last point especially helped our young woman to a proper understanding. It was clear to her, even if not entirely solid, that treating her like a princess was a real need of her companion's mind; therefore, she couldn’t fault this lady for having her lofty perspective on how the class in question was treated. Susan had read history, had read Gibbon and Froude and Saint-Simon; she had insights into the special privileges granted to the class, and since she viewed them, when young, as overly refined and endlessly tutored, inevitably ironic and infinitely sophisticated, it was amusing if she leaned toward a definitely Byzantine indulgence. If only one could be Byzantine!—wasn't that what she secretly encouraged one to long for? Milly tried to accommodate her—for it truly made Susan herself look so admirable to be Byzantine now. The great ladies of that era—it would be somewhere in Gibbon—apparently faced no questioning about their mysteries. But oh, poor Milly and her situation! Susan, at any rate, proved no more curious than if she had been a mosaic in Ravenna. Susan was a porcelain monument to the strange lesson that consideration could, like cynicism, have depths. Besides, the Puritan finally unburdened——! What deprived generations wasn’t Mrs. Stringham, in her imagination, planning to compensate for?

Kate Croy came straight to the hotel—came that evening shortly before dinner; specifically and publicly moreover, in a hansom that, driven apparently very fast, pulled up beneath their windows almost with the clatter of an accident, a "smash." Milly, alone, as happened, in the great garnished void of their sitting-room, where, a little, really, like a caged Byzantine, she had been pacing through the queer, long-drawn, almost sinister delay of night, an effect she yet liked—Milly, at the sound, one of the French windows standing open, passed out to the balcony that overhung, with pretensions, the general entrance, and so was in time for the look that Kate, alighting, paying her cabman, happened to send up to the front. The visitor moreover had a shilling back to wait for, during which Milly, from the balcony, looked down at her, and a mute exchange, but with smiles and nods, took place between them on what had occurred in the morning. It was what Kate had called for, and the tone was thus, almost by accident, determined for Milly before her friend came up. What was also, however, determined for her was, again, yet irrepressibly again, that the image presented to her, the splendid young woman who looked so particularly handsome in impatience, with the fine freedom of her signal, was the peculiar property of somebody else's vision, that this fine freedom in short was the fine freedom she showed Mr. Densher. Just so was how she looked to him, and just so was how Milly was held by her—held as by the strange sense of seeing through that distant person's eyes. It lasted, as usual, the strange sense, but fifty seconds; yet in so lasting it produced an effect. It produced in fact more than one, and we take them in their order. The first was that it struck our young woman as absurd to say that a girl's looking so to a man could possibly be without connections; and the second was that by the time Kate had got into the room Milly was in mental possession of the main connection it must have for herself.

Kate Croy arrived at the hotel that evening, just before dinner, in a hansom cab that seemed to be going very fast, pulling up beneath their windows with a jarring clatter, almost like an accident. Milly was alone in their elegantly decorated sitting room, where she had been pacing through the eerie, drawn-out delay of the night—a feeling she surprisingly enjoyed. At the sound of the cab's arrival, with one of the French windows open, she stepped out onto the balcony that overlooked the main entrance and caught the moment when Kate got out and paid her cab driver. Kate had a shilling waiting for her, during which time Milly looked down at her, and they exchanged silent smiles and nods about what had happened in the morning. This was what Kate had come for, and the tone of their interaction was set for Milly before her friend even joined her. What also became clear to her, though, was that the striking young woman who appeared so exquisitely impatient, signaling with such elegance, was essentially someone else's perspective; that this beautiful freedom was what she showed Mr. Densher. That was how she appeared to him, and that was how Milly perceived her—held in the odd sensation of viewing through that distant person's eyes. This strange feeling lasted, as usual, about fifty seconds, but during that time, it created an impression. It actually produced more than one impression, which we’ll go through in the order they occurred. First, Milly found it ridiculous to think that a girl could look at a man like that without any implications. Secondly, by the time Kate entered the room, Milly had mentally grasped the main implication it must have for her.

She produced this commodity on the spot—produced it, that is, in straight response to Kate's frank "Well, what?" The inquiry bore of course, with Kate's eagerness, on the issue of the morning's scene, the great man's latest wisdom, and it doubtless affected Milly a little as the cheerful demand for news is apt to affect troubled spirits when news is not, in one of the neater forms, prepared for delivery. She couldn't have said what it was exactly that, on the instant, determined her; the nearest description of it would perhaps have been as the more vivid impression of all her friend took for granted. The contrast between this free quantity and the maze of possibilities through which, for hours, she had herself been picking her way, put on, in short, for the moment, a grossness that even friendly forms scarce lightened: it helped forward in fact the revelation to herself that she absolutely had nothing to tell. Besides which, certainly, there was something else—an influence, at the particular juncture, still more obscure. Kate had lost, on the way upstairs, the look—the look—that made her young hostess so subtly think and one of the signs of which was that she never kept it for many moments at once; yet she stood there, none the less, so in her bloom and in her strength, so completely again the "handsome girl" beyond all others, the "handsome girl" for whom Milly had at first gratefully taken her, that to meet her now with the note of the plaintive would amount somehow to a surrender, to a confession. She would never in her life be ill; the greatest doctor would keep her, at the worst, the fewest minutes; and it was as if she had asked just with all this practical impeccability for all that was most mortal in her friend. These things, for Milly, inwardly danced their dance; but the vibration produced and the dust kicked up had lasted less than our account of them. Almost before she knew it she was answering, and answering, beautifully, with no consciousness of fraud, only as with a sudden flare of the famous "will-power" she had heard about, read about, and which was what her medical adviser had mainly thrown her back on. "Oh, it's all right. He's lovely."

She came up with this right away—she did it directly in response to Kate's straightforward "Well, what?" The question naturally related, given Kate's excitement, to the events of the morning, the great man's latest thoughts, and it likely affected Milly a bit, just as the cheerful request for updates tends to impact those who are feeling uneasy when the news isn't prepared for sharing. She couldn't pinpoint what exactly motivated her in that moment; the best way to describe it might be the stronger impression of all her friend took for granted. The difference between this open offer and the complicated possibilities she'd been navigating for hours created, in short, a heaviness that even friendly gestures barely alleviated: it actually pushed her to realize that she completely had nothing to share. Besides that, there was certainly something else—an influence, at that particular moment, even more unclear. On the way upstairs, Kate had lost the look—the look—that made her young host feel so subtly understood, and one of the signs of which was that she never held onto it for very long; yet she stood there, still in her prime and full of life, still the "beautiful girl" above all others, the "beautiful girl" for whom Milly had initially been so grateful, that to respond to her now with any hint of sadness would somehow feel like giving in, like confessing. She would never be unwell in her life; the best doctor would keep her, at most, for a few minutes; and it was as if she had asked precisely with all this practical perfection for everything that was most human in her friend. These thoughts, for Milly, swirled around inside her; but the effect they created and the turmoil they stirred up lasted less time than it takes to recount them. Almost before she realized it, she was replying, and replying beautifully, without any sense of deceit, only with a sudden burst of the famed "will-power" she had heard about, read about, and which was what her doctor had mostly relied on her for. "Oh, it's all good. He's wonderful."

Kate was splendid, and it would have been clear for Milly now, had the further presumption been needed, that she had said no word to Mrs. Stringham. "You mean you've been absurd?"

Kate was amazing, and it would be obvious to Milly now, if any further proof was needed, that she hadn’t said a word to Mrs. Stringham. "You mean you've been ridiculous?"

"Absurd." It was a simple word to say, but the consequence of it, for our young woman, was that she felt it, as soon as spoken, to have done something for her safety.

"Absurd." It was an easy word to say, but for our young woman, the moment it was spoken, she felt it had done something for her safety.

And Kate really hung on her lips. "There's nothing at all the matter?"

And Kate was really focused on what she was saying. "Is there absolutely nothing wrong?"

"Nothing to worry about. I shall take a little watching, but I shan't have to do anything dreadful, or even, in the least, inconvenient. I can do in fact as I like." It was wonderful for Milly how just to put it so made all its pieces fall at present quite properly into places.

"Nothing to worry about. I’ll just need to be watched a bit, but I won’t have to do anything terrible, or even remotely inconvenient. I can basically do what I want." It was amazing for Milly how simply saying it that way made everything fit together perfectly at that moment.

Yet even before the full effect came Kate had seized, kissed, blessed her. "My love, you're too sweet! It's too dear! But it's as I was sure." Then she grasped the full beauty. "You can do as you like?"

Yet even before the full impact hit, Kate had grabbed her, kissed her, and blessed her. "My love, you're so sweet! It's so precious! But it's just as I knew it would be." Then she realized the full beauty of it all. "You can do whatever you want?"

"Quite. Isn't it charming?"

"Totally. Isn't it charming?"

"Ah, but catch you," Kate triumphed with gaiety, "not doing——! And what shall you do?"

"Ah, gotcha," Kate exclaimed playfully, "not doing——! And what are you going to do?"

"For the moment simply enjoy it. Enjoy"—Milly was completely luminous—"having got out of my scrape."

"For now, just enjoy it. Enjoy," Milly was totally glowing, "for having gotten out of my jam."

"Learning, you mean, so easily, that you are well."

"Learning, you mean, so easily, that you are well."

It was as if Kate had but too conveniently put the words into her mouth. "Learning, I mean, so easily, that I am well."

It was as if Kate had conveniently put the words in her mouth. "Learning, I mean, so easily, that I am well."

"Only, no one's of course well enough to stay in London now. He can't," Kate went on, "want this of you."

"Well, nobody is really in a good enough situation to stay in London right now. He can't," Kate continued, "expect this from you."

"Mercy, no—I'm to knock about. I'm to go to places."

"Definitely not—I’m supposed to get around. I’m supposed to go to different places."

"But not beastly 'climates'—Engadines, Rivieras, boredoms?"

"But not dull 'climates'—Engadines, Rivieras, boredom?"

"No; just, as I say, where I prefer. I'm to go in for pleasure."

"No; just, like I said, where I like. I'm just here for fun."

"Oh, the duck!"—Kate, with her own shades of familiarity, abounded. "But what kind of pleasure?"

"Oh, the duck!"—Kate, with her own sense of familiarity, exclaimed. "But what kind of pleasure?"

"The highest," Milly smiled.

"The highest," Milly grinned.

Her friend met it as nobly. "Which is the highest?"

Her friend faced it with confidence. "Which one is the highest?"

"Well, it's just our chance to find out. You must help me."

"Well, this is our opportunity to discover. You have to help me."

"What have I wanted to do but help you," Kate asked, "from the moment I first laid eyes on you?" Yet with this too Kate had her wonder. "I like your talking, though, about that. What help, with your luck all round, do you want?"

"What have I wanted to do but help you?" Kate asked. "From the moment I first laid eyes on you?" Yet even with this, Kate was puzzled. "I like what you’re saying about that. What help do you need, with your luck being what it is?"


XIV


Milly indeed at last couldn't say; so that she had really for the time brought it along to the point so oddly marked for her by her visitor's arrival, the truth that she was enviably strong. She carried this out, from that evening, for each hour still left her, and the more easily perhaps that the hours were now narrowly numbered. All she actually waited for was Sir Luke Strett's promised visit; as to her proceeding on which, however, her mind was quite made up. Since he wanted to get at Susie he should have the freest access, and then perhaps he would see how he liked it. What was between them they might settle as between them, and any pressure it should lift from her own spirit they were at liberty to convert to their use. If the dear man wished to fire Susan Shepherd with a still higher ideal, he would only after all, at the worst, have Susan on his hands. If devotion, in a word, was what it would come up for the interested pair to organise, she was herself ready to consume it as the dressed and served dish. He had talked to her of her "appetite" her account of which, she felt, must have been vague. But for devotion, she could now see, this appetite would be of the best. Gross, greedy, ravenous—these were doubtless the proper names for her: she was at all events resigned in advance to the machinations of sympathy. The day that followed her lonely excursion was to be the last but two or three of their stay in London; and the evening of that day practically ranked for them as, in the matter of outside relations, the last of all. People were by this time quite scattered, and many of those who had so liberally manifested in calls, in cards, in evident sincerity about visits, later on, over the land, had positively passed in music out of sight; whether as members, these latter, more especially, of Mrs. Lowder's immediate circle or as members of Lord Mark's—our friends being by this time able to make the distinction. The general pitch had thus, decidedly, dropped, and the occasions still to be dealt with were special and few. One of these, for Milly, announced itself as the doctor's call already mentioned, as to which she had now had a note from him: the single other, of importance, was their appointed leave-taking—for the shortest separation—in respect to Mrs. Lowder and Kate. The aunt and the niece were to dine with them alone, intimately and easily—as easily as should be consistent with the question of their afterwards going on together to some absurdly belated party, at which they had had it from Aunt Maud that they would do well to show. Sir Luke was to make his appearance on the morrow of this, and in respect to that complication Milly had already her plan.

Milly really couldn’t determine at last; she had actually brought it to a point oddly marked by her visitor’s arrival, which was the truth that she was enviably strong. She carried this out, from that evening on, for every hour she had left, perhaps more easily since those hours were now numbered. All she was really waiting for was Sir Luke Strett's promised visit; when it came to that, her mind was completely made up. Since he wanted to connect with Susie, he should have the easiest access, and then maybe he would see how he felt about it. Whatever was between them could be settled between them, and any pressure lifted from her own spirit they were free to use for their purposes. If the dear man wanted to inspire Susan Shepherd with an even higher ideal, at worst, he’d just have Susan to deal with. If devotion was what the interested pair needed to organize, she was ready to serve it up as the main course. He had talked to her about her "appetite," which she felt must have sounded vague. But for devotion, she could now see that this appetite would be top-notch. Gross, greedy, ravenous—those were definitely the right terms for her: she had already resigned herself to the workings of sympathy. The day after her lonely outing was to be the last but two or three of their stay in London; and that evening practically counted as, for their outside relations, the last of all. By this point, people were quite scattered, and many who had shown such generous interest with calls, cards, and sincere plans for visits had faded away, especially those in Mrs. Lowder's immediate circle or Lord Mark's—our friends having by now made the distinction. The overall atmosphere had clearly dropped, and the remaining occasions were special and few. One of these, for Milly, was the doctor’s appointment she had already mentioned, which she had now received a note about from him: the only other important occasion was their scheduled farewell — for the briefest separation — concerning Mrs. Lowder and Kate. The aunt and niece were to have an intimate dinner with them, as comfortably as possible, considering they would later head to some ridiculously late party that Aunt Maud suggested they should attend. Sir Luke was set to show up the day after this, and regarding that complication, Milly already had a plan.

The night was, at all events, hot and stale, and it was late enough by the time the four ladies had been gathered in, for their small session, at the hotel, where the windows were still open to the high balconies and the flames of the candles, behind the pink shades—disposed as for the vigil of watchers—were motionless in the air in which the season lay dead. What was presently settled among them was that Milly, who betrayed on this occasion a preference more marked than usual, should not hold herself obliged to climb that evening the social stair, however it might stretch to meet her, and that, Mrs. Lowder and Mrs. Stringham facing the ordeal together, Kate Croy should remain with her and await their return. It was a pleasure to Milly, ever, to send Susan Shepherd forth; she saw her go with complacency, liked, as it were, to put people off with her, and noted with satisfaction, when she so moved to the carriage, the further denudation—a markedly ebbing tide—of her little benevolent back. If it wasn't quite Aunt Maud's ideal, moreover, to take out the new American girl's funny friend instead of the new American girl herself, nothing could better indicate the range of that lady's merit than the spirit in which—as at the present hour for instance—she made the best of the minor advantage. And she did this with a broad, cheerful absence of illusion; she did it—confessing even as much to poor Susie—because, frankly, she was good-natured. When Mrs. Stringham observed that her own light was too abjectly borrowed and that it was as a link alone, fortunately not missing, that she was valued, Aunt Maud concurred to the extent of the remark: "Well, my dear, you're better than nothing." To-night, furthermore, it came up for Milly that Aunt Maud had something particular in mind. Mrs. Stringham, before adjourning with her, had gone off for some shawl or other accessory, and Kate, as if a little impatient for their withdrawal, had wandered out to the balcony, where she hovered, for the time, unseen, though with scarce more to look at than the dim London stars and the cruder glow, up the street, on a corner, of a small public-house, in front of which a fagged cab-horse was thrown into relief. Mrs. Lowder made use of the moment: Milly felt as soon as she had spoken that what she was doing was somehow for use.

The night was, in any case, hot and muggy, and it was late enough by the time the four ladies had gathered for their small meeting at the hotel, where the windows were still open to the high balconies. The candles, behind the pink shades—arranged as though for a vigil—were motionless in the stagnant air of the season. What they agreed on was that Milly, who showed a stronger preference than usual this time, shouldn’t feel obligated to climb the social ladder that evening, no matter how far it stretched to meet her. So, with Mrs. Lowder and Mrs. Stringham facing the challenge together, Kate Croy would stay with her and wait for their return. Milly always enjoyed sending Susan Shepherd off; she watched her leave with satisfaction, liked to shift people off onto her, and noted with contentment, as she made her way to the carriage, the further retreat—a noticeably dwindling presence—of her supportive figure. If it wasn’t quite Aunt Maud's idea to take the new American girl’s quirky friend instead of the girl herself, nothing better showcased that lady’s worth than the way she made the most of the slight advantage—just like now, for instance. And she did this with a broad, cheerful acceptance of reality; she did it—confessing even to poor Susie—because, to be honest, she was good-natured. When Mrs. Stringham remarked that her own light was too merely borrowed and that she was valued as a link alone, which was thankfully not lacking, Aunt Maud agreed to the extent of saying, “Well, my dear, you’re better than nothing.” Tonight, moreover, Milly sensed that Aunt Maud had something specific in mind. Before leaving with her, Mrs. Stringham had gone off for some shawl or other accessory, and Kate, seeming a bit impatient for their departure, had wandered out to the balcony, where she lingered, for now, unseen, with hardly anything to look at besides the dim London stars and the harsher glow from up the street, a small pub standing on a corner, in front of which a tired cab-horse was silhouetted. Mrs. Lowder took the opportunity: Milly felt as soon as she spoke that what she was doing was somehow purposeful.

"Dear Susan tells me that you saw, in America, Mr. Densher—whom I've never till now, as you may have noticed, asked you about. But do you mind at last, in connection with him, doing something for me?" She had lowered her fine voice to a depth, though speaking with all her rich glibness; and Milly, after a small sharpness of surprise, was already guessing the sense of her appeal. "Will you name him, in any way you like, to her"—and Aunt Maud gave a nod at the window; "so that you may perhaps find out whether he's back?"

"Dear Susan tells me that you saw Mr. Densher in America—whom I’ve never asked you about until now, as you may have noticed. But would you mind doing something for me regarding him?" She had lowered her smooth voice to a deeper tone, yet was speaking with all her usual eloquence; and Milly, after a brief moment of surprise, was already figuring out what she meant. "Could you mention him, however you choose, to her"—and Aunt Maud nodded towards the window; "so that you might find out if he’s back?"

Ever so many things, for Milly, fell into line at this; it was a wonder, she afterwards thought, that she could be conscious of so many at once. She smiled hard, however, for them all. "But I don't know that it's important to me to 'find out.'" The array of things was further swollen, however, even as she said this, by its striking her as too much to say. She therefore tried as quickly to say less. "Except you mean, of course, that it's important to you." She fancied Aunt Maud was looking at her almost as hard as she was herself smiling, and that gave her another impulse. "You know I never have yet named him to her; so that if I should break out now——"

So many things, for Milly, started to line up at this moment; it was amazing, she later thought, that she could be aware of so many at once. She smiled genuinely for all of them. "But I don’t think it’s important for me to ‘find out.’" The number of things only seemed to grow, even as she said this, because it felt like too much to express. So, she tried to say less as quickly as possible. "Unless, of course, you mean that it’s important to you." She imagined Aunt Maud was looking at her almost as intensely as she was smiling, and that gave her another push. "You know I’ve never actually named him to her; so if I suddenly break out now——"

"Well?"—Mrs. Lowder waited.

"Well?"—Mrs. Lowder paused.

"Why, she may wonder what I've been making a mystery of. She hasn't mentioned him, you know," Milly went on, "herself."

"Why, she might be curious about what I've been keeping secret. She hasn't brought him up, you know," Milly continued, "herself."

"No"—her friend a little heavily weighed it—"she wouldn't. So it's she, you see then, who has made the mystery."

"No," her friend said, weighing it a bit heavily, "she wouldn't. So it's her, you see, who has created the mystery."

Yes, Milly but wanted to see; only there was so much. "There has been of course no particular reason." Yet that indeed was neither here nor there. "Do you think," she asked, "he is back?"

Yes, Milly wanted to see; there was just so much. "There hasn't been any specific reason." But that really didn't matter. "Do you think," she asked, "he's back?"

"It will be about his time, I gather, and rather a comfort to me definitely to know."

"It will likely be about his time, I think, and it will definitely be comforting for me to know."

"Then can't you ask her yourself?"

"Then can’t you just ask her yourself?"

"Ah, we never speak of him!"

"Ah, we never talk about him!"

It helped Milly for the moment to the convenience of a puzzled pause. "Do you mean he's an acquaintance of whom you disapprove for her?"

It gave Milly a brief sense of relief amid her confusion. "Are you saying he's someone you don't think is right for her?"

Aunt Maud, as well, just hung fire. "I disapprove of her for the poor young man. She doesn't care for him."

Aunt Maud also just held back. "I don't approve of her for the poor young man. She doesn't care about him."

"And he cares so much——?"

"And he cares so much—?"

"Too much, too much. And my fear is," said Mrs. Lowder, "that he privately besets her. She keeps it to herself, but I don't want her worried. Neither, in truth," she both generously and confidentially concluded, "do I want him."

"Too much, too much. And my fear is," said Mrs. Lowder, "that he’s bothering her on the down low. She keeps it to herself, but I don’t want her stressed out. Also, to be honest," she added generously and confidentially, "I don’t want him either."

Milly showed all her own effort to meet the case. "But what can I do?"

Milly put in all her effort to handle the situation. "But what can I do?"

"You can find out where they are. If I myself try," Mrs. Lowder explained, "I shall appear to treat them as if I supposed them deceiving me."

"You can figure out where they are. If I try myself," Mrs. Lowder explained, "I'll come off as if I think they're lying to me."

"And you don't. You don't," Milly mused for her, "suppose them deceiving you."

"And you don’t. You don’t," Milly thought out loud, "believe they’re tricking you."

"Well," said Aunt Maud, whose fine onyx eyes failed to blink, even though Milly's questions might have been taken as drawing her rather further than she had originally meant to go—"well, Kate is thoroughly aware of my views for her, and that I take her being with me, at present, in the way she is with me, if you know what I mean, as a loyal assent to them. Therefore as my views don't happen to provide a place, at all, for Mr. Densher, much, in a manner, as I like him"—therefore, therefore in short she had been prompted to this step, though she completed her sense, but sketchily, with the rattle of her large fan.

"Well," said Aunt Maud, whose beautiful onyx eyes didn’t blink, even though Milly’s questions might have pushed her a bit further than she initially intended—"well, Kate knows exactly what I think about her, and I consider her being with me, the way she is, as a loyal agreement with my views. So, since my views don’t really have a place for Mr. Densher, much as I like him"—therefore, in short, she had been led to take this step, although she finished her thought somewhat vaguely, fanning herself quickly with her large fan.

It assisted them perhaps, however, for the moment, that Milly was able to pick out of her sense what might serve as the clearest part of it. "You do like him then?"

It helped them a bit, though, at that moment, that Milly could identify what might be the clearest part of it. "So you do like him?"

"Oh dear, yes. Don't you?"

"Oh wow, yes. Don't you?"

Milly hesitated, for the question was somehow as the sudden point of something sharp on a nerve that winced. She just caught her breath, but she had ground for joy afterwards, she felt, in not really having failed to choose with quickness sufficient, out of fifteen possible answers, the one that would best serve her. She was then almost proud, as well, that she had cheerfully smiled. "I did—three times—in New York." So came and went for her, in these simple words, the speech that was to figure for her, later on, that night, as the one she had ever uttered that cost her most. She was to lie awake, at all events, half the night, for the gladness of not having taken any line so really inferior as the denial of a happy impression.

Milly hesitated, as the question felt like a sudden sting on a sensitive nerve. She caught her breath, but she felt happy afterward, believing she hadn’t really failed to quickly choose from the fifteen possible answers the one that would serve her best. She was almost proud, too, that she had smiled cheerfully. "I did—three times—in New York." With those simple words, she expressed what would later become the most significant thing she had said that night. She was going to lie awake for at least half the night, grateful that she hadn’t chosen a response so inferior as to deny the joy of a positive impression.

For Mrs. Lowder also, moreover, her simple words were the right ones; they were at any rate, that lady's laugh showed, in the natural note of the racy. "You dear American thing! But people may be very good, and yet not good for what one wants."

For Mrs. Lowder too, her straightforward words were exactly what was needed; they were, at least, as her laugh revealed, naturally engaging. "You sweet American! But people can be really nice, and still not be what you need."

"Yes," the girl assented, "even I suppose when what one wants is something very good."

"Yeah," the girl agreed, "even I guess when what you want is something really good."

"Oh, my child, it would take too long just now to tell you all I want! I want everything at once and together—and ever so much for you too, you know. But you've seen us," Aunt Maud continued; "you'll have made out."

"Oh, my child, it would take too long right now to tell you everything I want! I want everything all at once and together—and so much for you too, you know. But you've seen us," Aunt Maud continued; "you must have figured it out."

"Ah," said Milly, "I don't make out"; for again—it came that way in rushes—she felt an obscurity in things. "Why, if our friend here doesn't like him——"

"Ah," said Milly, "I don't understand"; for again—it came that way in waves—she sensed a confusion in everything. "Why, if our friend here doesn't like him——"

"Should I conceive her interested in keeping things from me?" Mrs. Lowder did justice to the question. "My dear, how can you ask? Put yourself in her place. She meets me, but on her terms. Proud young women are proud young women. And proud old ones are—well, what I am. Fond of you as we both are, you can help us."

"Should I think she's hiding things from me?" Mrs. Lowder considered the question seriously. "My dear, how can you even ask that? Imagine being in her position. She meets me, but only on her terms. Proud young women are proud young women. And proud older ones are—well, what I am. As much as we both care about you, you can help us."

Milly tried to be inspired. "Does it come back then to my asking her straight?"

Milly tried to find some motivation. "So, should I just ask her directly?"

At this, however, finally, Aunt Maud threw her up. "Oh, if you've so many reasons not——!"

At this, Aunt Maud finally lost her patience. "Oh, if you have so many reasons not to—!"

"I've not so many," Milly smiled "but I've one. If I break out so suddenly as knowing him, what will she make of my not having spoken before?"

"I don’t have many," Milly smiled, "but I have one. If I suddenly reveal that I know him, what will she think about my not saying anything before?"

Mrs. Lowder looked blank at it. "Why should you care what she makes? You may have only been decently discreet."

Mrs. Lowder looked puzzled at it. "Why do you care what she makes? You might have just been appropriately discreet."

"Ah, I have been," the girl made haste to say.

"Ah, I have been," the girl quickly replied.

"Besides," her friend went on, "I suggested to you, through Susan, your line."

"Besides," her friend continued, "I mentioned your line to you through Susan."

"Yes, that reason's a reason for me."

"Yeah, that reason is a reason for me."

"And for me," Mrs. Lowder insisted. "She's not therefore so stupid as not to do justice to grounds so marked. You can tell her perfectly that I had asked you to say nothing."

"And for me," Mrs. Lowder insisted. "She's not so stupid that she wouldn't recognize such clear opportunities. You can tell her that I specifically asked you not to mention anything."

"And may I tell her that you've asked me now to speak?"

"And can I tell her that you’ve asked me to speak now?"

Mrs. Lowder might well have thought, yet, oddly, this pulled her up. "You can't do it without——?"

Mrs. Lowder might have thought, but strangely, this stopped her. "You can't do it without——?"

Milly was almost ashamed to be raising so many difficulties. "I'll do what I can if you'll kindly tell me one thing more." She faltered a little—it was so prying; but she brought it out. "Will he have been writing to her?"

Milly was feeling a bit embarrassed about bringing up so many issues. "I'll do my best if you can just tell me one more thing." She hesitated a bit—it felt invasive; but she finally asked, "Will he have been writing to her?"

"It's exactly, my dear, what I should like to know." Mrs. Lowder was at last impatient. "Push in for yourself, and I dare say she'll tell you."

"It's exactly what I'd like to know, my dear." Mrs. Lowder was finally getting impatient. "Go ahead and ask her yourself, and I'm sure she'll tell you."

Even now, all the same, Milly had not quite fallen back. "It will be pushing in," she continued to smile, "for you" She allowed her companion, however, no time to take this up. "The point will be that if he has been writing she may have answered."

Even now, Milly hadn’t completely given up. “It will be pushing in,” she kept smiling, “for you.” However, she didn’t give her companion any time to respond. “The point is that if he has been writing, she may have answered.”

"But what point, you subtle thing, is that?"

"But what point, you clever thing, is that?"

"It isn't subtle, it seems to me, but quite simple," Milly said, "that if she has answered she has very possibly spoken of me."

"It doesn't seem subtle to me, but pretty straightforward," Milly said, "that if she has replied, she has likely talked about me."

"Very certainly indeed. But what difference will it make?"

"Definitely. But what difference will it make?"

The girl had a moment, at this, of thinking it natural that her interlocutress herself should so fail of subtlety. "It will make the difference that he will have written to her in answer that he knows me. And that, in turn," our young woman explained, "will give an oddity to my own silence."

The girl had a moment of thinking it was natural that her conversation partner should be so lacking in nuance. "The difference is that he will have written to her in response that he knows me. And that, in turn," our young woman explained, "will make my own silence feel strange."

"How so, if she's perfectly aware of having given you no opening? The only oddity," Aunt Maud lucidly professed, "is for yourself. It's in her not having spoken."

"How could that be, if she's clearly aware that she hasn’t given you any chance? The only strange thing," Aunt Maud clearly stated, "is that she hasn’t said anything."

"Ah, there we are!" said Milly.

"Ah, there we are!" Milly said.

And she had uttered it, evidently, in a tone that struck her friend. "Then it has troubled you?"

And she had said it clearly in a way that caught her friend's attention. "So it has bothered you?"

But ah, the inquiry had only to be made to bring the rare colour with fine inconsequence, to her face. "Not, really, the least little bit!" And, quickly feeling the need to abound in this sense, she was on the point, to cut short, of declaring that she cared, after all, no scrap how much she obliged. Only she felt at this instant too the intervention of still other things. Mrs. Lowder was, in the first place, already beforehand, already affected as by the sudden vision of her having herself pushed too far. Milly could never judge from her face of her uppermost motive—it was so little, in its hard, smooth sheen, that kind of human countenance. She looked hard when she spoke fair; the only thing was that when she spoke hard she likewise didn't look soft. Something, none the less, had arisen in her now—a full appreciable tide, entering by the rupture of some bar. She announced that if what she had asked was to prove in the least a bore her young friend was not to dream of it; making her young friend at the same time, by the change in her tone, dream on the spot more profusely. She spoke with a belated light, Milly could apprehend—she could always apprehend—from pity; and the result of that perception, for the girl, was singular: it proved to her as quickly that Kate, keeping her secret, had been straight with her. From Kate distinctly then, as to why she was to be pitied, Aunt Maud knew nothing, and was thereby simply putting in evidence the fine side of her own character. This fine side was that she could almost at any hour, by a kindled preference or a diverted energy, glow for another interest than her own. She exclaimed as well, at this moment, that Milly must have been thinking, round the case, much more than she had supposed; and this remark could, at once, affect the girl as sharply as any other form of the charge of weakness. It was what everyone, if she didn't look out, would soon be saying—"There's something the matter with you!" What one was therefore one's self concerned immediately to establish was that there was nothing at all. "I shall like to help you; I shall like, so far as that goes, to help Kate herself," she made such haste as she could to declare; her eyes wandering meanwhile across the width of the room to that dusk of the balcony in which their companion perhaps a little unaccountably lingered. She suggested hereby her impatience to begin; she almost overtly wondered at the length of the opportunity this friend was giving them—referring it, however, so far as words went, to the other friend, breaking off with an amused: "How tremendously Susie must be beautifying!"

But oh, just asking the question brought a rare color to her face. "Not at all!" And, realizing she needed to emphasize this, she was close to saying that she really didn’t care how much she sacrificed. Only, at that moment, she felt other things intervening. Mrs. Lowder, it turned out, was already feeling the weight of having gone too far. Milly could never determine her true intent from her expression—it was so little, with its hard, smooth surface, that it didn’t show much humanity. She looked stern when she spoke nicely; the only difference was that when she spoke harshly, she didn’t look gentle either. Still, something new had emerged in her—a noticeable surge, like a breaking dam. She announced that if her request was even slightly boring, her young friend shouldn’t worry about it; although, with the change in her tone, she made her friend think about it even more. Milly understood that this also came from pity; and this realization was unique for her: it quickly confirmed that Kate, keeping her secret, had been honest with her. Aunt Maud knew nothing specific from Kate about why she deserved pity, and by doing so, she was just highlighting the finer side of her own character. This finer side was that at almost any time, she could redirect her interest to someone else’s needs instead of her own. At that moment, she also exclaimed that Milly must have been thinking a lot more about the situation than she had realized; and this comment could hit the girl as sharply as any other accusation of weakness. It was what everyone would soon be saying if she wasn’t careful—“There’s something wrong with you!” So she needed to establish immediately that there wasn’t anything at all. "I want to help you; I want to help Kate too, as far as that goes," she hurried to say, her eyes wandering across the room to the dim space of the balcony where their friend was perhaps lingering a little too long. This suggested her impatience to start; she almost openly wondered about the duration of the opportunity this friend was giving them—though she attributed it, in words, to the other friend, breaking off with an amused, "I bet Susie is looking amazing!"

It only marked Aunt Maud, none the less, as too preoccupied for her allusion. The onyx eyes were fixed upon her with a polished pressure that must signify some enriched benevolence. "Let it go, my dear. We shall, after all, soon enough see."

It only made Aunt Maud seem even more absorbed in her thoughts than usual. Her shiny onyx eyes were focused on her with a determined intensity that suggested some deeper kindness. "Let it go, my dear. We’ll find out soon enough."

"If he has come back we shall certainly see," Milly after a moment replied; "for he'll probably feel that he can't quite civilly not come to see me. Then there," she remarked, "we shall be. It wouldn't then, you see, come through Kate at all—it would come through him. Except," she wound up with a smile, "that he won't find me."

"If he has come back, we’ll definitely find out," Milly replied after a moment. "He probably thinks that he can't just ignore me. Then there, we’ll be. It wouldn’t, you know, come through Kate at all—it would come from him. Except," she ended with a smile, "he won’t be able to find me."

She had the most extraordinary sense of interesting her interlocutress, in spite of herself, more than she wanted; it was as if her doom so floated her on that she couldn't stop—by very much the same trick it had played her with her doctor. "Shall you run away from him?"

She had an incredible way of engaging her conversation partner, more than she intended; it felt like fate had pushed her along so much that she couldn't stop—just like it had done with her doctor. "Are you going to run away from him?"

She neglected the question, wanting only now to get off. "Then," she went on, "you'll deal with Kate directly."

She ignored the question, just wanting to get away. "So," she continued, "you'll talk to Kate directly."

"Shall you run away from her?" Mrs. Lowder profoundly inquired, while they became aware of Susie's return through the room, opening out behind them, in which they had dined.

"Are you going to run away from her?" Mrs. Lowder asked seriously as they noticed Susie coming back through the room behind them where they had eaten.

This affected Milly as giving her but an instant; and suddenly, with it, everything she felt in the connection rose to her lips in a question that, even as she put it, she knew she was failing to keep colourless. "Is it your own belief that he is with her?"

This impacted Milly in an instant; and suddenly, everything she felt about the situation came to her lips in a question that, even as she asked it, she knew she was failing to keep neutral. "Do you really believe that he is with her?"

Aunt Maud took it in—took in, that is, everything of the tone that she just wanted her not to; and the result for some seconds, was but to make their eyes meet in silence. Mrs. Stringham had rejoined them and was asking if Kate had gone—an inquiry at once answered by this young lady's reappearance. They saw her again in the open window, where, looking at them, she had paused—producing thus, on Aunt Maud's part, almost too impressive a "Hush!" Mrs. Lowder indeed, without loss of time, smothered any danger in a sweeping retreat with Susie; but Milly's words to her, just uttered, about dealing with her niece directly, struck our young woman as already recoiling on herself. Directness, however evaded, would be, fully, for her; nothing in fact would ever have been for her so direct as the evasion. Kate had remained in the window, very handsome and upright, the outer dark framing in a highly favourable way her summery simplicities and lightnesses of dress. Milly had, given the relation of space, no real fear she had heard their talk; only she hovered there as with conscious eyes and some added advantage. Then indeed, with small delay, her friend sufficiently saw. The conscious eyes, the added advantage were but those she had now always at command—those proper to the person Milly knew as known to Merton Densher. It was for several seconds again as if the total of her identity had been that of the person known to him—a determination having for result another sharpness of its own. Kate had positively but to be there just as she was to tell her he had come back. It seemed to pass between them, in fine, without a word, that he was in London, that he was perhaps only round the corner; and surely therefore no dealing of Milly's with her would yet have been so direct.

Aunt Maud noticed everything that she wished she wouldn’t, and for a few seconds, it just led to a silent exchange of glances. Mrs. Stringham had joined them and was asking if Kate had left—this was quickly answered by Kate’s reappearance. They spotted her in the open window, where she paused to look at them—prompting Aunt Maud to almost overly emphasize a "Hush!" Mrs. Lowder immediately rushed in to divert any tension by retreating with Susie; however, Milly's earlier words about addressing her niece directly made this young woman feel as if that idea was already turning back on her. No matter how direct, it would always be about her; in fact, nothing would ever feel more straightforward for her than avoiding the issue. Kate stayed at the window, looking very attractive and poised, with the dark outside framing her light, summery outfit in a flattering way. Milly wasn't genuinely concerned that Kate had heard their conversation, only she lingered there with a sense of awareness and some added advantage. Then, without much delay, her friend understood. The aware gaze and the extra advantage were just those that Milly always had at her disposal—those suited to the person Milly knew he was acquainted with, Merton Densher. For several more seconds, it felt as though her entire identity had been that of the person known to him—this realization sharpening her perspective even further. Kate simply had to be there as she was to indicate that he had returned. It seemed, in essence, that without a word passing between them, they both understood he was in London, possibly just around the corner; therefore, nothing Milly planned to discuss with her would be as straightforward.


XV


It was doubtless because this queer form of directness had in itself, for the hour, seemed so sufficient that Milly was afterwards aware of having really, all the while—during the strange, indescribable session before the return of their companions—done nothing to intensify it. If she was most aware only afterwards, under the long, discurtained ordeal of the morrow's dawn, that was because she had really, till their evening's end came, ceased, after a little, to miss anything from their ostensible comfort. What was behind showed but in gleams and glimpses; what was in front never at all confessed to not holding the stage. Three minutes had not passed before Milly quite knew she should have done nothing Aunt Maud had just asked her. She knew it moreover by much the same light that had acted for her with that lady and with Sir Luke Strett. It pressed upon her then and there that she was still in a current determined, through her indifference, timidity, bravery, generosity—she scarce could say which—by others; that not she but the current acted, and that somebody else, always, was the keeper of the lock or the dam. Kate for example had but to open the flood-gate: the current moved in its mass—the current, as it had been, of her doing as Kate wanted. What, somehow, in the most extraordinary way in the world, had Kate wanted but to be, of a sudden, more interesting than she had ever been? Milly, for their evening then, quite held her breath with the appreciation of it. If she hadn't been sure her companion would have had nothing, from her moments with Mrs. Lowder, to go by, she would almost have seen the admirable creature "cutting in" to anticipate a danger. This fantasy indeed, while they sat together, dropped after a little; even if only because other fantasies multiplied and clustered, making fairly, for our young woman, the buoyant medium in which her friend talked and moved. They sat together, I say, but Kate moved as much as she talked; she figured there, restless and charming, just perhaps a shade perfunctory, repeatedly quitting her place, taking slowly, to and fro, in the trailing folds of her light dress, the length of the room, and almost avowedly performing for the pleasure of her hostess.

It was clearly because this strange kind of directness felt so sufficient for the moment that Milly later realized she hadn’t really done anything to enhance it during the odd, indescribable session before their companions returned. If she became most aware of this only later, during the long, unsettling morning after, it was because she had, until the evening ended, stopped missing anything from their apparent comfort. What was behind her was only revealed in flashes; what lay ahead never admitted that it didn’t hold the stage. Three minutes hadn’t gone by before Milly recognized she should not have done what Aunt Maud had just asked. She understood this in much the same way she had with that lady and Sir Luke Strett. It struck her then and there that she was still caught in a current driven by her indifference, fear, courage, or generosity—she could hardly say which—by others; that it wasn't her but the current acting, and that someone else was always in control of the lock or the dam. For instance, Kate just had to open the floodgate: the current flowed en masse—the current that, in a way, was shaped by her doing what Kate wanted. What, in the most astonishing way, had Kate suddenly wanted? To be more interesting than ever? Milly held her breath with the realization. If she hadn’t been sure her companion wouldn’t find anything from her moments with Mrs. Lowder to reference, she might have imagined the admirable person "cutting in" to prevent danger. This idea, while they sat together, faded after a while; not only because other ideas multiplied and clustered, creating a buoyant atmosphere in which her friend could talk and move. They sat together, but Kate moved as much as she spoke; she was there, restless and charming, maybe just a touch disengaged, often leaving her spot, moving slowly back and forth in the flowing fabric of her light dress across the length of the room, almost intentionally performing for her hostess’s enjoyment.

Mrs. Lowder had said to Milly at Matcham that she and her niece, as allies, could practically conquer the world; but though it was a speech about which there had even then been a vague, grand glamour, the girl read into it at present more of an approach to a meaning. Kate, for that matter, by herself, could conquer anything, and she, Milly Theale, was probably concerned with the "world" only as the small scrap of it that most impinged on her and that was therefore first to be dealt with. On this basis of being dealt with she would doubtless herself do her share of the conquering: she would have something to supply, Kate something to take—each of them thus, to that tune, something for squaring with Aunt Maud's ideal. This in short was what it came to now—that the occasion, in the quiet late lamplight, had the quality of a rough rehearsal of the possible big drama. Milly knew herself dealt with—handsomely, completely: she surrendered to the knowledge, for so it was, she felt, that she supplied her helpful force. And what Kate had to take Kate took as freely and, to all appearance, as gratefully; accepting afresh, with each of her long, slow walks, the relation between them so established and consecrating her companion's surrender simply by the interest she gave it. The interest to Milly herself we naturally mean; the interest to Kate Milly felt as probably inferior. It easily and largely came for their present talk, for the quick flight of the hour before the breach of the spell—it all came, when considered, from the circumstance, not in the least abnormal, that the handsome girl was in extraordinary "form." Milly remembered her having said that she was at her best late at night; remembered it by its having, with its fine assurance, made her wonder when she was at her best and how happy people must be who had such a fixed time. She had no time at all; she was never at her best—unless indeed it were exactly, as now, in listening, watching, admiring, collapsing. If Kate moreover, quite mercilessly, had never been so good, the beauty and the marvel of it was that she had never really been so frank; being a person of such a calibre, as Milly would have said, that, even while "dealing" with you and thereby, as it were, picking her steps, she could let herself go, could, in irony, in confidence, in extravagance, tell you things she had never told before. That was the impression—that she was telling things, and quite conceivably for her own relief as well; almost as if the errors of vision, the mistakes of proportion, the residuary innocence of spirit still to be remedied on the part of her auditor had their moments of proving too much for her nerves. She went at them just now, these sources of irritation, with an amused energy that it would have been open to Milly to regard as cynical and that was nevertheless called for—as to this the other was distinct—by the way that in certain connections the American mind broke down. It seemed at least—the American mind as sitting there thrilled and dazzled in Milly—not to understand English society without a separate confrontation with all the cases. It couldn't proceed by—there was some technical term she lacked until Milly suggested both analogy and induction, and then, differently, instinct, none of which were right: it had to be led up and introduced to each aspect of the monster, enabled to walk all round it, whether for the consequent exaggerated ecstasy or for the still more as appeared to this critic disproportionate shock. It might, the monster, Kate conceded, loom large for those born amid forms less developed and therefore no doubt less amusing; it might on some sides be a strange and dreadful monster, calculated to devour the unwary, to abase the proud, to scandalize the good; but if one had to live with it one must, not to be for ever sitting up, learn how: which was virtually in short to-night what the handsome girl showed herself as teaching.

Mrs. Lowder had told Milly at Matcham that she and her niece, as allies, could practically conquer the world; but while that speech had a vague, grand appeal even back then, Milly was now grasping a deeper meaning. For her part, Kate could conquer anything on her own, and Milly Theale was probably only concerned with the "world" as the small piece of it that affected her most and that needed to be addressed first. On that basis, she would undoubtedly play her part in the conquering: she would provide something, and Kate would take something—each of them contributing in their own way to meet Aunt Maud's ideal. In short, it was clear in the soft lamplight that the moment felt like a rough rehearsal for the possible big drama ahead. Milly felt that she was being handled—generously and thoroughly: she accepted the reality, realizing that she was contributing her supportive energy. And what Kate took, she took freely and seemingly gratefully; each of her long, leisurely walks reinforced their established connection, elevating Milly's surrender simply through the interest she showed in it. The interest Milly sensed was likely more substantial for her than it was for Kate. This exchange easily flowed from their current conversation, from the quick passing of time before the spell broke—it all stemmed from the fact that the beautiful girl was in extraordinary form. Milly remembered her saying she was at her best late at night; it stuck with her, making her wonder when she was at her best and how happy people must be who had such a predictable timing. She had no time at all; she never reached her best—unless it was exactly now, in listening, watching, admiring, and collapsing. If Kate had, without mercy, never been so good, the beautiful and surprising thing was that she had never been quite so honest; being someone of such caliber, as Milly would say, even while "dealing" with her, picking her steps carefully, she could let herself go and, in irony, confidence, and extravagance, share things she had never shared before. That was the impression—it felt like she was revealing secrets, possibly for her own relief too; almost as if the misreadings, the misjudgments, and the lingering innocence of spirit that still needed addressing on the part of her listener occasionally overwhelmed her nerves. She approached these irritations with a playful energy that Milly might have found cynical but was necessary—this was clear—given how the American mind stumbled in certain contexts. It seemed at least—the American mind sitting there, captivated and amazed by Milly—couldn't grasp English society without a separate encounter with all its elements. It couldn't operate through—there was some technical term she couldn't find until Milly suggested analogy and induction, and then, differently, instinct, none of which were accurate: it had to be guided through each aspect of the beast, allowed to circle around it, whether for the resulting exaggerated thrill or for what appeared to this observer as an even more disproportionate shock. Kate acknowledged that the beast might seem imposing to those raised in less complex and therefore probably less entertaining environments; it might appear strange and terrifying from certain angles, capable of devouring the unwary, humiliating the proud, scandalizing the good; but if one had to coexist with it, one had to learn how to do so without constantly staying awake, which was essentially what the beautiful girl was demonstrating tonight.

She gave away publicly, in this process, Lancaster Gate and everything it contained; she gave away, hand over hand, Milly's thrill continued to note, Aunt Maud and Aunt Maud's glories and Aunt Maud's complacencies; she gave herself away most of all, and it was naturally what most contributed to her candour. She didn't speak to her friend once more, in Aunt Maud's strain, of how they could scale the skies; she spoke, by her bright, perverse preference on this occasion, of the need, in the first place, of being neither stupid nor vulgar. It might have been a lesson, for our young American, in the art of seeing things as they were—a lesson so various and so sustained that the pupil had, as we have shown, but receptively to gape. The odd thing furthermore was that it could serve its purpose while explicitly disavowing every personal bias. It wasn't that she disliked Aunt Maud, who was everything she had on other occasions declared; but the dear woman, ineffaceably stamped by inscrutable nature and a dreadful art, wasn't—how could she be?—what she wasn't. She wasn't any one. She wasn't anything. She wasn't anywhere. Milly mustn't think it—one couldn't, as a good friend, let her. Those hours at Matcham were inespérées, were pure manna from heaven; or if not wholly that perhaps, with humbugging old Lord Mark as a backer, were vain as a ground for hopes and calculations. Lord Mark was very well, but he wasn't the cleverest creature in England, and even if he had been he still wouldn't have been the most obliging. He weighed it out in ounces, and indeed each of the pair was really waiting for what the other would put down.

She publicly gave away, in this process, Lancaster Gate and everything inside it; she gave away, hand over hand, while Milly eagerly noted Aunt Maud, her glories, and her self-satisfaction; she gave away herself the most, which naturally contributed to her openness. She didn’t talk to her friend again, in Aunt Maud’s style, about how they could reach for the stars; instead, she chose to focus, with her bright, stubborn preference this time, on the importance of not being stupid or vulgar. It could have been a lesson for our young American in seeing things as they were—a lesson so varied and prolonged that the student could only gape in response. The odd thing was that it could serve its purpose while clearly denying any personal bias. It wasn't that she disliked Aunt Maud, who was everything she had claimed on other occasions; but dear Aunt Maud, marked indelibly by a puzzling nature and a terrible art, wasn’t—how could she be?—what she wasn't. She wasn't anyone. She wasn't anything. She wasn't anywhere. Milly shouldn’t think that—one couldn’t, as a good friend, allow her to. Those hours at Matcham were inespérées, pure manna from heaven; or if not entirely so, perhaps, with the phony old Lord Mark as a supporter, were futile as a foundation for hopes and plans. Lord Mark was fine, but he wasn’t the smartest person in England, and even if he had been, he still wouldn’t have been the most helpful. He measured it out in small amounts, and in reality, each of them was just waiting for what the other would say next.

"She has put down you." said Milly, attached to the subject still; "and I think what you mean is that, on the counter, she still keeps hold of you."

"She has put down you.” said Milly, still focused on the topic; “and I think what you mean is that, on the counter, she still holds onto you."

"Lest"—Kate took it up—"he should suddenly grab me and run? Oh, as he isn't ready to run, he's much less ready, naturally, to grab. I am—you're so far right as that—on the counter, when I'm not in the shop-window; in and out of which I'm thus conveniently, commercially whisked: the essence, all of it, of my position, and the price, as properly, of my aunt's protection." Lord Mark was substantially what she had begun with as soon as they were alone; the impression was even yet with Milly of her having sounded his name, having imposed it, as a topic, in direct opposition to the other name that Mrs. Lowder had left in the air and that all her own look, as we have seen, kept there at first for her companion. The immediate strange effect had been that of her consciously needing, as it were, an alibi—which, successfully, she so found. She had worked it to the end, ridden it to and fro across the course marked for Milly by Aunt Maud, and now she had quite, so to speak, broken it in. "The bore is that if she wants him so much—wants him, heaven forgive her! for me—he has put us all out, since your arrival, by wanting somebody else. I don't mean somebody else than you."

“Lest”—Kate picked it up—“he might suddenly grab me and run? Oh, since he’s not ready to run, he’s naturally even less ready to grab. I am—you’re completely right about that—on the counter when I’m not in the shop window; into and out of which I’m conveniently and commercially whisked: that’s the essence of my situation, and the price, of course, of my aunt’s protection.” Lord Mark was basically what she had started with as soon as they were alone; Milly still had the impression that she had brought up his name, had made it a topic, directly opposing the other name that Mrs. Lowder had left hanging in the air, which her own expression had, as we’ve seen, kept there initially for her companion. The immediate strange effect was that she consciously felt the need for, so to speak, an alibi—which she successfully found. She had worked it through, played it back and forth across the path Aunt Maud had laid out for Milly, and now she had, so to speak, fully embraced it. “The annoying part is that if she wants him so much—wants him, heaven help her! for me—he has thrown us all off since your arrival by wanting someone else. I don’t mean someone other than you.”

Milly threw off the charm sufficiently to shake her head. "Then I haven't made out who it is. If I'm any part of his alternative he had better stop where he is."

Milly let go of the charm enough to shake her head. "Then I still don't know who it is. If I'm a part of his options, he should probably just leave it alone."

"Truly, truly?—always, always?"

"Really, really?—always, always?"

Milly tried to insist with an equal gaiety. "Would you like me to swear?"

Milly tried to insist with the same cheerfulness. "Do you want me to swear?"

Kate appeared for a moment—though that was doubtless but gaiety too—to think. "Haven't we been swearing enough?"

Kate appeared for a moment—though that was probably just her being cheerful—to think. "Haven't we been swearing enough?"

"You have perhaps, but I haven't, and I ought to give you the equivalent. At any rate there it is. Truly, truly as you say—'always, always.' So I'm not in the way."

"You might have, but I haven't, and I should give you what you deserve. Anyway, there it is. Honestly, just like you said—'always, always.' So I'm not in the way."

"Thanks," said Kate—"but that doesn't help me."

"Thanks," Kate said, "but that doesn't help me."

"Oh, it's as simplifying for him that I speak of it."

"Oh, it's just so simple for him that I talk about it."

"The difficulty really is that he's a person with so many ideas that it's particularly hard to simplify for him. That's exactly of course what Aunt Maud has been trying. He won't," Kate firmly continued, "make up his mind about me."

"The problem is that he's someone with so many ideas that it's especially hard to simplify things for him. That's exactly what Aunt Maud has been trying to do. He won't," Kate insisted, "make up his mind about me."

"Well," Milly smiled, "give him time."

"Well," Milly smiled, "give him some time."

Her friend met it in perfection. "One is doing that—one is. But one remains, all the same, but one of his ideas."

Her friend faced it perfectly. "One is doing that—one is. But one stays, after all, just one of his ideas."

"There's no harm in that," Milly returned, "if you come out in the end as the best of them. What's a man," she pursued, "especially an ambitious one, without a variety of ideas?"

"There's nothing wrong with that," Milly replied, "if you end up being the best of them. What’s a guy," she continued, "especially an ambitious one, without a range of ideas?"

"No doubt. The more the merrier." And Kate looked at her grandly. "One can but hope to come out, and do nothing to prevent it."

"No doubt. The more, the merrier." And Kate looked at her proudly. "All you can do is hope for the best and not get in the way."

All of which made for the impression, fantastic or not, of the alibi. The splendour, the grandeur were, for Milly, the bold ironic spirit behind it, so interesting too in itself. What, moreover, was not less interesting was the fact, as our young woman noted it, that Kate confined her point to the difficulties, so far as she was concerned, raised only by Lord Mark. She referred now to none that her own taste might present; which circumstance again played its little part. She was doing what she liked in respect to another person, but she was in no way committed to the other person, and her furthermore talking of Lord Mark as not young and not true were only the signs of her clear self-consciousness, were all in the line of her slightly hard, but scarce the less graceful extravagance. She didn't wish to show too much her consent to be arranged for, but that was a different thing from not wishing sufficiently to give it. There was something moreover, on it all, that Milly still found occasion to say, "If your aunt has been, as you tell me, put out by me, I feel that she has remained remarkably kind."

All of this created the impression, whether it was real or not, of the alibi. The splendor and grandeur were, for Milly, the bold ironic spirit behind it, which was also really interesting on its own. What was even more interesting, as our young woman noted, was that Kate limited her comments to the challenges, as far as she was concerned, posed only by Lord Mark. She didn't mention any difficulties her own taste might bring up; this detail played its own little role. She was doing what she wanted regarding another person, but she wasn't tied to that person at all. Furthermore, her comments about Lord Mark being neither young nor genuine were simply signs of her clear self-awareness, all part of her slightly tough, yet still graceful extravagance. She didn't want to make it too obvious that she was open to being arranged for, but that was different from not wanting it enough to express it. There was also something about it all that led Milly to say, "If your aunt has been, as you told me, put off by me, I feel she has remained remarkably kind."

"Oh, but she has—whatever might have happened in that respect—plenty of use for you! You put her in, my dear, more than you put her out. You don't half see it, but she has clutched your petticoat. You can do anything—you can do, I mean, lots that we can't. You're an outsider, independent and standing by yourself; you're not hideously relative to tiers and tiers of others." And Kate, facing in that direction, went further and further; wound up, while Milly gaped, with extraordinary words. "We're of no use to you—it's decent to tell you. You'd be of use to us, but that's a different matter. My honest advice to you would be—" she went indeed all lengths—"to drop us while you can. It would be funny if you didn't soon see how awfully better you can do. We've not really done for you the least thing worth speaking of—nothing you mightn't easily have had in some other way. Therefore you're under no obligation. You won't want us next year; we shall only continue to want you. But that's no reason for you, and you mustn't pay too dreadfully for poor Mrs. Stringham's having let you in. She has the best conscience in the world; she's enchanted with what she has done; but you shouldn't take your people from her. It has been quite awful to see you do it."

"Oh, but she definitely has—whatever may have happened with that—plenty of use for you! You actually benefit her more than you realize. You don’t fully see it, but she’s really holding onto you. You can do anything—you can do a lot of things that we can’t. You’re an outsider, independent and standing on your own; you’re not tied down to layers and layers of others." And Kate, facing that direction, went on and on; finishing, while Milly stared, with surprising words. "We're not useful to you—it’s fair to say. You’d be useful to us, but that’s a different story. My honest advice to you would be—" she went on quite a bit—"to walk away while you can. It would be ironic if you didn’t soon realize how much better you can do. We really haven’t done anything for you that’s worth mentioning—nothing you couldn’t have easily gotten in another way. So, you’re not obligated to us. You won’t need us next year; we will just continue to need you. But that’s no reason for you, and you shouldn’t have to pay too much for poor Mrs. Stringham letting you in. She has the best conscience in the world; she’s thrilled with what she’s done; but you shouldn’t take your people from her. It’s been quite awful to watch you do it."

Milly tried to be amused, so as not—it was too absurd—to be fairly frightened. Strange enough indeed—if not natural enough—that, late at night thus, in a mere mercenary house, with Susie away, a want of confidence should possess her. She recalled, with all the rest of it, the next day, piecing things together in the dawn, that she had felt herself alone with a creature who paced like a panther. That was a violent image, but it made her a little less ashamed of having been scared. For all her scare, none the less, she had now the sense to find words. "And yet without Susie I shouldn't have had you."

Milly tried to find humor in the situation, so as not to be genuinely frightened—it was too ridiculous for that. It was indeed strange—if not completely natural— that, late at night, in a purely transactional place, with Susie gone, she felt so uncertain. She remembered, as the dawn broke and she pieced everything together, that she had felt alone with a creature that moved like a panther. That was a strong image, but it made her feel a bit less ashamed for being scared. Despite her fear, she had the clarity to articulate her thoughts. "And yet, without Susie, I wouldn’t have had you."

It had been at this point, however, that Kate flickered highest. "Oh, you may very well loathe me yet!"

It had been at this point, however, that Kate flickered highest. "Oh, you might still hate me!"

Really at last, thus, it had been too much; as, with her own least feeble flare, after a wondering watch, Milly had shown. She hadn't cared; she had too much wanted to know; and, though a small solemnity of reproach, a sombre strain, had broken into her tone, it was to figure as her nearest approach to serving Mrs. Lowder. "Why do you say such things to me?"

Really, in the end, it had just been too much; as Milly had shown with her own little spark after watching in wonder. She didn't care; she wanted to know too badly. And although a slight seriousness of reproach, a gloomy note, had crept into her voice, it was her closest attempt at serving Mrs. Lowder. "Why do you say things like that to me?"

This unexpectedly had acted, by a sudden turn of Kate's attitude, as a happy speech. She had risen as she spoke, and Kate had stopped before her, shining at her instantly with a softer brightness. Poor Milly hereby enjoyed one of her views of how people, wincing oddly, were often touched by her. "Because you're a dove." With which she felt herself ever so delicately, so considerately, embraced; not with familiarity or as a liberty taken, but almost ceremonially and in the manner of an accolade; partly as if, though a dove who could perch on a finger, one were also a princess with whom forms were to be observed. It even came to her, through the touch of her companion's lips, that this form, this cool pressure, fairly sealed the sense of what Kate had just said. It was moreover, for the girl, like an inspiration: she found herself accepting as the right one, while she caught her breath with relief, the name so given her. She met it on the instant as she would have met the revealed truth; it lighted up the strange dusk in which she lately had walked. That was what was the matter with her. She was a dove. Oh, wasn't she?—it echoed within her as she became aware of the sound, outside, of the return of their friends. There was, the next thing, little enough doubt about it after Aunt Maud had been two minutes in the room. She had come up, Mrs. Lowder, with Susan—which she needn't have done, at that hour, instead of letting Kate come down to her; so that Milly could be quite sure it was to catch hold, in some way, of the loose end they had left. Well, the way she did catch was simply to make the point that it didn't now in the least matter. She had mounted the stairs for this, and she had her moment again with her younger hostess while Kate, on the spot, as the latter at the time noted, gave Susan Shepherd unwonted opportunities. Kate was in other words, as Aunt Maud engaged her friend, listening with the handsomest response to Mrs. Stringham's impression of the scene they had just quitted. It was in the tone of the fondest indulgence—almost, really, that of dove cooing to dove—that Mrs. Lowder expressed to Milly the hope that it had all gone beautifully. Her "all" had an ample benevolence; it soothed and simplified; she spoke as if it were the two young women, not she and her comrade, who had been facing the town together. But Milly's answer had prepared itself while Aunt Maud was on the stair; she had felt in a rush all the reasons that would make it the most dovelike; and she gave it, while she was about it, as earnest, as candid. "I don't think, dear lady, he's here."

This unexpectedly acted, by a sudden change in Kate's attitude, as a happy speech. She stood up as she spoke, and Kate paused in front of her, instantly lighting up with a softer glow. Poor Milly found herself experiencing one of those moments when people, awkwardly but sincerely, were often moved by her. "Because you're a dove." With that, she felt herself delicately and thoughtfully embraced; not with familiarity or as if it were a liberty taken, but almost ceremonially, like a tribute; partly as if, though a dove who could perch on a finger, she were also a princess with whom formalities had to be observed. It even struck her, through the touch of her companion's lips, that this gesture, this cool pressure, truly sealed the meaning of what Kate had just said. It was, for the girl, almost like an inspiration: she found herself accepting the name that had been given to her, while she caught her breath in relief. She met it instantly as she would have faced a revealed truth; it brightened the strange darkness she had recently been in. That was what was wrong with her. She was a dove. Oh, wasn't she?—it echoed within her as she became aware of the sounds outside, signaling the return of their friends. There was, shortly after, little doubt about it when Aunt Maud had been in the room for just two minutes. She had come up with Mrs. Lowder and Susan—which she didn't need to do at that hour instead of letting Kate go down to her; so Milly could be quite sure it was to grasp, in some way, the loose end they had left. Well, the way she did grasp it was simply to make the point that it didn’t matter at all now. She had climbed the stairs for this, and she had her moment again with her younger hostess while Kate, at that moment, as the latter noted, gave Susan Shepherd unexpected opportunities. In other words, while Aunt Maud was engaging her friend, Kate was listening with the most generous response to Mrs. Stringham's thoughts on the scene they had just left. It was in the tone of the fondest indulgence—almost like a dove cooing to another dove—that Mrs. Lowder expressed to Milly her hope that everything had gone beautifully. Her "everything" had a warm generosity; it calmed and clarified the situation; she spoke as if it were the two young women, not she and her friend, who had been facing the town together. But Milly's answer was ready while Aunt Maud was still on the stairs; she felt a rush of all the reasons that would make it the most dovelike response; and she delivered it, while she was at it, with earnestness and sincerity. "I don't think, dear lady, he's here."

It gave her straightway the measure of the success she could have as a dove: that was recorded in the long look of deep criticism, a look without a word, that Mrs. Lowder poured forth. And the word, presently, bettered it still. "Oh, you exquisite thing!" The luscious innuendo of it, almost startling, lingered in the room, after the visitors had gone, like an oversweet fragrance. But left alone with Mrs. Stringham Milly continued to breathe it: she studied again the dovelike and so set her companion to mere rich reporting that she averted all inquiry into her own case.

It immediately gave her an idea of the success she could achieve as a dove: that was reflected in the long look of intense criticism, a look that spoke volumes, which Mrs. Lowder directed at her. And then, the words that followed only improved upon it. "Oh, you exquisite thing!" The sensual implication of it, almost shocking, hung in the air even after the visitors had left, like an overly sweet scent. But left alone with Mrs. Stringham, Milly continued to savor it: she studied her doves and got her companion to provide rich updates that distracted from any questions about her own situation.

That, with the new day, was once more her law—though she saw before her, of course, as something of a complication, her need, each time, to decide. She should have to be clear as to how a dove would act. She settled it, she thought, well enough this morning by quite readopting her plan in respect to Sir Luke Strett. That, she was pleased to reflect, had originally been pitched in the key of a merely iridescent drab; and although Mrs. Stringham, after breakfast, began by staring at it as if it had been a priceless Persian carpet suddenly unrolled at her feet, she had no scruple, at the end of five minutes, in leaving her to make the best of it. "Sir Luke Strett comes, by appointment, to see me at eleven, but I'm going out on purpose. He's to be told, please, deceptively, that I'm at home, and, you, as my representative, when he comes up, are to see him instead. He will like that, this time, better. So do be nice to him." It had taken, naturally, more explanation, and the mention, above all, of the fact that the visitor was the greatest of doctors; yet when once the key had been offered Susie slipped it on her bunch, and her young friend could again feel her lovely imagination operate. It operated in truth very much as Mrs. Lowder's, at the last, had done the night before: it made the air heavy once more with the extravagance of assent. It might, afresh, almost have frightened our young woman to see how people rushed to meet her: had she then so little time to live that the road must always be spared her? It was as if they were helping her to take it out on the spot. Susie—she couldn't deny, and didn't pretend to—might, of a truth, on her side, have treated such news as a flash merely lurid; as to which, to do Susie justice, the pain of it was all there. But, none the less, the margin always allowed her young friend was all there as well; and the proposal now made her what was it in short but Byzantine? The vision of Milly's perception of the propriety of the matter had, at any rate, quickly engulfed, so far as her attitude was concerned, any surprise and any shock; so that she only desired, the next thing, perfectly to possess the facts. Milly could easily speak, on this, as if there were only one: she made nothing of such another as that she had felt herself menaced. The great fact, in fine, was that she knew him to desire just now, more than anything else, to meet, quite apart, some one interested in her. Who therefore so interested as her faithful Susan? The only other circumstance that, by the time she had quitted her friend, she had treated as worth mentioning was the circumstance of her having at first intended to keep quiet. She had originally best seen herself as sweetly secretive. As to that she had changed, and her present request was the result. She didn't say why she had changed, but she trusted her faithful Susan. Their visitor would trust her not less, and she herself would adore their visitor. Moreover he wouldn't—the girl felt sure—tell her anything dreadful. The worst would be that he was in love and that he needed a confidant to work it. And now she was going to the National Gallery.

That, with the new day, was once again her law—though she recognized, of course, that it complicated things since she had to decide each time. She needed to be clear on how a dove would act. She figured she had sorted it out well enough this morning by fully embracing her plan regarding Sir Luke Strett. She was pleased to remember that it had originally been approached with a kind of washed-out flair; and although Mrs. Stringham, after breakfast, began staring at it as if it were a priceless Persian rug suddenly laid out before her, she had no qualms about leaving her to handle it after five minutes. "Sir Luke Strett is coming to see me at eleven, but I'm going out on purpose. Please tell him, deceptively, that I'm home, and when he arrives, you, as my stand-in, will see him instead. He'll like that better this time. So please be nice to him." Naturally, it took more explanation, especially the mention of the fact that the visitor was a top doctor; yet once the key was provided, Susie slipped it onto her keychain, and her young friend could feel her beautiful imagination kick in again. It operated much like Mrs. Lowder's had the night before: it filled the air once more with the weight of agreement. It might have nearly frightened our young woman to see how people rushed to greet her: had she really so little time to live that they must always clear the way for her? It felt like they were helping her to take the moment in stride. Susie—she couldn't deny it, nor did she pretend otherwise—could truly have seen such news as just a shocking flash; to give Susie her due, the pain was definitely there. But, even so, the space always allowed her young friend was also present; and the proposal now made to her—wasn't it essentially Byzantine? Milly's understanding of the appropriateness of the situation had quickly absorbed any surprise or shock, so she only wanted, next, to fully grasp the facts. Milly could easily discuss this as if there were only one side: she dismissed any sense of being threatened. The key fact was that she knew he wanted, more than anything, to meet someone interested in her, apart from everyone else. So, who could be more interested than her loyal Susan? The only other thing that, by the time she left her friend, she found worth mentioning was that she had initially intended to stay quiet. She had originally viewed herself as sweetly secretive. She had changed that view, and her current request was the outcome. She didn’t say why she’d changed, but she trusted her loyal Susan. Their visitor would trust her just as much, and she herself would be thrilled to meet him. Plus, she was sure he wouldn’t—she felt certain—tell her anything awful. The worst would be that he was in love and needed someone to confide in. And now she was heading to the National Gallery.


XVI


The idea of the National Gallery had been with her from the moment of her hearing from Sir Luke Strett about his hour of coming. It had been in her mind as a place so meagrely visited, as one of the places that had seemed at home one of the attractions of Europe and one of its highest aids to culture, but that—the old story—the typical frivolous always ended by sacrificing to vulgar pleasures. She had had perfectly, at those whimsical moments on the Brünig, the half-shamed sense of turning her back on such opportunities for real improvement as had figured to her, from of old, in connection with the continental tour, under the general head of "pictures and things"; and now she knew for what she had done so. The plea had been explicit—she had done so for life, as opposed to learning; the upshot of which had been that life was now beautifully provided for. In spite of those few dips and dashes into the many-coloured stream of history for which of late Kate Croy had helped her to find time, there were possible great chances she had neglected, possible great moments she should, save for to-day, have all but missed. She might still, she had felt, overtake one or two of them among the Titians and the Turners; she had been honestly nursing the hour, and, once she was in the benignant halls, her faith knew itself justified. It was the air she wanted and the world she would now exclusively choose; the quiet chambers, nobly overwhelming, rich but slightly veiled, opened out round her and made her presently say "If I could lose myself here!" There were people, people in plenty, but, admirably, no personal question. It was immense, outside, the personal question; but she had blissfully left it outside, and the nearest it came, for a quarter of an hour, to glimmering again into sight was when she watched for a little one of the more earnest of the lady-copyists. Two or three in particular, spectacled, aproned, absorbed, engaged her sympathy to an absurd extent, seemed to show her for the time the right way to live. She should have been a lady copyist—it met so the case. The case was the case of escape, of living under water, of being at once impersonal and firm. There it was before one—one had only to stick and stick.

The idea of the National Gallery had been in her mind ever since she heard from Sir Luke Strett about his visit. She thought of it as a place rarely visited, one of those spots that felt like one of Europe’s attractions and a major contributor to culture, but—like the old story goes—the typical frivolous always ends up giving in to basic pleasures. In those whimsical moments on the Brünig, she felt a mix of embarrassment and freedom for passing up opportunities for genuine growth, which she had always associated with her travels in Europe, under the general idea of "art and culture"; now she understood why she did that. The justification was clear—she chose life over learning; as a result, life was now beautifully arranged. Despite a few forays into the colorful flow of history that Kate Croy had lately helped her find time for, she had missed out on great opportunities and moments she could, except for today, have nearly overlooked. She still felt she could catch up on a few of these among the Titians and Turners; she had been eagerly anticipating this moment, and once she stepped into the welcoming galleries, her faith was validated. It was the atmosphere she craved and the world she now wanted to immerse herself in; the quiet rooms, impressively overwhelming, rich but slightly obscured, enveloped her and made her exclaim, "If I could lose myself here!" There were plenty of people, but, wonderfully, no personal issues. Outside, personal issues loomed large, but she had joyfully left them behind, and the closest they came to surfacing again, for about fifteen minutes, was when she observed one of the more dedicated lady copyists. A couple of them, in particular—wearing glasses, aprons, and fully engaged—captured her sympathy to an absurd degree, seemed to show her, for that moment, the right way to live. She could have been a lady copyist—it aligned perfectly with her situation. The situation was one of escape, of living beneath the surface, of being both detached and solid. There it was in front of her—she just had to stay and stay.

Milly yielded to this charm till she was almost ashamed; she watched the lady-copyists till she found herself wondering what would be thought by others of a young woman, of adequate aspect, who should appear to regard them as the pride of the place. She would have liked to talk to them, to get, as it figured to her, into their lives, and was deterred but by the fact that she didn't quite see herself as purchasing imitations and yet feared she might excite the expectation of purchase. She really knew before long that what held her was the mere refuge, that something within her was after all too weak for the Turners and Titians. They joined hands about her in a circle too vast, though a circle that a year before she would only have desired to trace. They were truly for the larger, not for the smaller life, the life of which the actual pitch, for example, was an interest, the interest of compassion, in misguided efforts. She marked absurdly her little stations, blinking, in her shrinkage of curiosity, at the glorious walls, yet keeping an eye on vistas and approaches, so that she shouldn't be flagrantly caught. The vistas and approaches drew her in this way from room to room, and she had been through many parts of the show, as she supposed, when she sat down to rest. There were chairs in scant clusters, places from which one could gaze. Milly indeed at present fixed her eyes more than elsewhere on the appearance, first, that she couldn't quite, after all, have accounted to an examiner for the order of her "schools," and then on that of her being more tired than she had meant, in spite of her having been so much less intelligent. They found, her eyes, it should be added, other occupation as well, which she let them freely follow: they rested largely, in her vagueness, on the vagueness of other visitors; they attached themselves in especial, with mixed results, to the surprising stream of her compatriots. She was struck with the circumstance that the great museum, early in August, was haunted with these pilgrims, as also with that of her knowing them from afar, marking them easily, each and all, and recognising not less promptly that they had ever new lights for her—new lights on their own darkness. She gave herself up at last, and it was a consummation like another: what she should have come to the National Gallery for to-day would be to watch the copyists and reckon the Baedekers. That perhaps was the moral of a menaced state of health—that one would sit in public places and count the Americans. It passed the time in a manner; but it seemed already the second line of defence, and this notwithstanding the pattern, so unmistakable, of her country-folk. They were cut out as by scissors, coloured, labelled, mounted; but their relation to her failed to act—they somehow did nothing for her. Partly, no doubt, they didn't so much as notice or know her, didn't even recognise their community of collapse with her, the sign on her, as she sat there, that for her too Europe was "tough." It came to her idly thus—for her humour could still play—that she didn't seem then the same success with them as with the inhabitants of London, who had taken her up on scarce more of an acquaintance. She could wonder if they would be different should she go back with that glamour attached; and she could also wonder, if it came to that, whether she should ever go back. Her friends straggled past, at any rate, in all the vividness of their absent criticism, and she had even at last the sense of taking a mean advantage. There was a finer instant, however, at which three ladies, clearly a mother and daughters, had paused before her under compulsion of a comment apparently just uttered by one of them and referring to some object on the other side of the room. Milly had her back to the object, but her face very much to her young compatriot, the one who had spoken and in whose look she perceived a certain gloom of recognition. Recognition, for that matter, sat confessedly in her own eyes: she knew the three, generically, as easily as a schoolboy with a crib in his lap would know the answer in class; she felt, like the schoolboy, guilty enough—questioned, as honour went, as to her right so to possess, to dispossess, people who hadn't consciously provoked her. She would have been able to say where they lived, and how, had the place and the way been but amenable to the positive; she bent tenderly, in imagination, over marital, paternal Mr. Whatever-he-was, at home, eternally named, with all the honours and placidities, but eternally unseen and existing only as some one who could be financially heard from. The mother, the puffed and composed whiteness of whose hair had no relation to her apparent age, showed a countenance almost chemically clean and dry; her companions wore an air of vague resentment humanised by fatigue; and the three were equally adorned with short cloaks of coloured cloth surmounted by little tartan hoods. The tartans were doubtless conceivable as different, but the cloaks, curiously, only thinkable as one. "Handsome? Well, if you choose to say so." It was the mother who had spoken, who herself added, after a pause during which Milly took the reference as to a picture: "In the English style." The three pair of eyes had converged, and their possessors had for an instant rested, with the effect of a drop of the subject, on this last characterisation—with that, too, of a gloom not less mute in one of the daughters than murmured in the other. Milly's heart went out to them while they turned their backs; she said to herself that they ought to have known her, that there was something between them they might have beautifully put together. But she had lost them also—they were cold; they left her in her weak wonder as to what they had been looking at. The "handsome" disposed her to turn—all the more that the "English style" would be the English school, which she liked; only she saw, before moving, by the array on the side facing her, that she was in fact among small Dutch pictures. The action of this was again appreciable—the dim surmise that it wouldn't then be by a picture that the spring in the three ladies had been pressed. It was at all events time she should go, and she turned as she got on her feet. She had had behind her one of the entrances and various visitors who had come in while she sat, visitors single and in pairs—by one of the former of whom she felt her eyes suddenly held.

Milly was drawn to this charm almost to the point of shame; she watched the lady-copyists and found herself wondering what others would think of a young woman, who seemed decent enough, if she appeared to consider them the pride of the place. She would have liked to talk to them, to get, as she imagined, into their lives, but was held back by the fact that she didn’t see herself as buying replicas and worried she might raise their expectations of a sale. She quickly realized that what kept her there was simply a refuge, that something inside her was ultimately too timid for the Turners and Titians. They formed a circle around her that felt too vast, though it was a circle she would have wanted to trace a year ago. They truly represented the larger, not the smaller life, a life where the actual pitch was an interest, an interest in compassion for misguided efforts. She marked her little stations absurdly, blinking in her fading curiosity at the glorious walls while keeping an eye on paths and entrances to avoid being caught off guard. The paths and entrances pulled her from room to room, and she had passed through many parts of the exhibit, as she assumed, when she sat down to rest. There were chairs in sparse clusters, spots from which one could gaze. Milly at that moment focused more than anywhere else on the fact that she couldn’t quite explain to anyone the order of her “schools,” and then on how she felt more tired than she intended, despite having been less engaged. It should be added that her eyes found other things to occupy themselves with, which she let wander freely: they rested significantly, in her vagueness, on the indistinctness of other visitors; they especially fixed on the surprising stream of her fellow countrymen. She was struck by the fact that the grand museum, early in August, was filled with these pilgrims, and also by how she recognized them from afar, easily marking each one and realizing just as quickly that they provided her with new insights—new insights into their own darkness. Finally, she surrendered, and it felt like a moment of realization: what she had come to the National Gallery for today was to watch the copyists and count the Americans. Perhaps that was the lesson of her fragile state of health—that she would sit in public spaces and tally the Americans. It passed the time, but it seemed already like a second line of defense, despite the unmistakable pattern of her fellow countrymen. They were like cutouts, colorful, labeled, and mounted; but their relationship to her didn’t resonate—they somehow did nothing for her. Partly, no doubt, they didn’t notice or even know her, didn’t recognize their shared struggle with her, the mark that for her too Europe was "tough." It idly occurred to her—since her humor could still play—that she didn’t seem to connect with them in the same way she did with Londoners, who embraced her with barely more familiarity. She could wonder if they would treat her differently if she returned with that charm attached; and also wonder, if it came to that, whether she would ever return. Her friends wandered by, vividly criticizing her absence, and she even felt a bit guilty about it. There was a more poignant moment, however, when three ladies, clearly a mother and her daughters, paused before her, prompted by a comment one of them had just made about something across the room. Milly had her back to the object, but her face was directed at her young compatriot, the one who had spoken, and in whose expression she saw a certain shadow of recognition. Recognition, in fact, was openly reflected in her own eyes: she *knew* the three ladies generically, as easily as a schoolboy with a cheat sheet would know the answer in class; she felt, like that schoolboy, guilty—questioned in her honor regarding her right to possess or dispossess people who hadn’t intentionally provoked her. She could have described where they lived and how, if only the situation had made it clear; she imagined tenderly that marital, paternal Mr. Whatever-he-was was at home, forever named, wrapped in all the honors and comforts, but eternally unseen and only existing as someone whose financial support could be relied on. The mother, with the puffed and perfectly styled whiteness of her hair that didn’t match her apparent age, had a face that looked almost chemically clean and dry; her companions wore a vague air of resentment softened by fatigue; and all three were similarly dressed in short cloaks of colored fabric topped with little tartan hoods. The tartans could have been different, but the cloaks felt surprisingly uniform. "Handsome? Well, if that’s how you want to put it." It was the mother who spoke, and she added after a pause, during which Milly thought she was commenting on a painting: "In the English style." The three pairs of eyes focused, and their owners briefly lingered, as if the topic had dropped, on this last description—with an equally muted sadness in one daughter and a low murmur in the other. Milly's heart went out to them as they turned away; she thought they should have known her, that there was something between them they could have put together beautifully. But she had lost *them* as well—they were distant; they left her in her weak wonder about what they had been looking at. The "handsome" prompted her to turn—especially since the "English style" would refer to the English school, which she liked; still, before moving, she noticed from the arrangement before her that she was actually surrounded by small Dutch pictures. This realization was again noticeable—the faint suspicion that it wouldn’t have been a painting that had captivated the three ladies. At any rate, it was time for her to leave, and she turned as she stood up. She had been sitting near one of the entrances and saw various visitors who had come in while she rested, single visitors and pairs—by one of whom she felt her gaze suddenly caught.

This was a gentleman in the middle of the place, a gentleman who had removed his hat and was for a moment, while he glanced, absently, as she could see, at the top tier of the collection, tapping his forehead with his pocket-handkerchief. The occupation held him long enough to give Milly time to take for granted—and a few seconds sufficed—that his face was the object just observed by her friends. This could only have been because she concurred in their tribute, even qualified, and indeed "the English style" of the gentleman—perhaps by instant contrast to the American—was what had had the arresting power. This arresting power, at the same time—and that was the marvel—had already sharpened almost to pain, for in the very act of judging the bared head with detachment she felt herself shaken by a knowledge of it. It was Merton Densher's own, and he was standing there, standing long enough unconscious for her to fix him and then hesitate. These successions were swift, so that she could still ask herself in freedom if she had best let him see her. She could still reply to that that she shouldn't like him to catch her in the effort to prevent this; and she might further have decided that he was too preoccupied to see anything had not a perception intervened that surpassed the first in violence. She was unable to think afterwards how long she had looked at him before knowing herself as otherwise looked at; all she was coherently to put together was that she had had a second recognition without his having noticed her. The source of this latter shock was nobody less than Kate Croy—Kate Croy who was suddenly also in the line of vision and whose eyes met her eyes at their next movement. Kate was but two yards off—Mr. Densher wasn't alone. Kate's face specifically said so, for after a stare as blank at first as Milly's it broke into a far smile. That was what, wonderfully—in addition to the marvel of their meeting—passed from her for Milly; the instant reduction to easy terms of the fact of their being there, the two young women, together. It was perhaps only afterwards that the girl fully felt the connection between this touch and her already established conviction that Kate was a prodigious person; yet on the spot she none the less, in a degree, knew herself handled and again, as she had been the night before, dealt with—absolutely even dealt with for her greater pleasure. A minute in fine hadn't elapsed before Kate had somehow made her provisionally take everything as natural. The provisional was just the charm—acquiring that character from one moment to the other; it represented happily so much that Kate would explain on the very first chance. This left moreover—and that was the greatest wonder—all due margin for amusement at the way things happened, the monstrous oddity of their turning up in such a place on the very heels of their having separated without allusion to it. The handsome girl was thus literally in control of the scene by the time Merton Densher was ready to exclaim with a high flush, or a vivid blush—one didn't distinguish the embarrassment from the joy—"Why, Miss Theale: fancy!" and "Why, Miss Theale: what luck!"

This was a man in the middle of the room, a man who had taken off his hat and was, for a moment, glancing absently, as she could see, at the top tier of the display, tapping his forehead with his pocket handkerchief. The moment held him long enough for Milly to assume—and a few seconds were all it took—that his face was the one her friends were observing. This could only be because she agreed with their admiration, even if it was hesitant, and indeed "the English style" of the gentleman—perhaps in stark contrast to the American style—was what had drawn attention. This drawing of attention, at the same time—and this was the surprising part—had already sharpened to almost painful awareness, for in the very act of judging the exposed head with detachment, she felt herself stirred by the realization of it. It was Merton Densher's own, and he was standing there, standing long enough, unaware, for her to focus on him and then hesitate. These moments were quick, allowing her to still wonder if she should let him see her. She could still answer that she wouldn’t want him to catch her trying to avoid this; and she might have concluded that he was too distracted to notice anything if not for a perception that intervened, more intense than the first. She couldn’t remember afterwards how long she had looked at him before realizing she was also being looked at; all she could coherently piece together was that she had had a second recognition without him noticing her. The source of this second shock was none other than Kate Croy—Kate Croy, who was suddenly also in sight and whose gaze met hers in their next movement. Kate was only two yards away—Mr. Densher wasn’t alone. Kate’s expression made that clear, for after staring blankly like Milly at first, her face broke into a bright smile. That was what, beautifully—in addition to the wonder of their encounter—passed from her to Milly; the instantaneous ease of the fact that both young women were there together. It was perhaps only afterward that Milly fully recognized the link between this feeling and her already established belief that Kate was an extraordinary person; yet right in that moment, she nonetheless felt handled and again, as she had the night before, interacted with—indeed, handled for her greater enjoyment. Not even a minute had passed before Kate had somehow made her feel that everything was perfectly natural. The provisional quality was just the charm—gaining that quality from one moment to the next; it represented happily so much that Kate would explain at the very first opportunity. This also left—and this was the greatest wonder—all room for amusement at how things unfolded, the bizarre oddity of their appearing in such a place right after separating without any mention of it. The beautiful girl was thus literally in control of the scene by the time Merton Densher was ready to exclaim with a deep flush, or a vivid blush—one couldn’t distinguish the embarrassment from the joy—"Why, Miss Theale: fancy!" and "Why, Miss Theale: what luck!"

Miss Theale had meanwhile the sense that for him too, on Kate's part, something wonderful and unspoken was determinant; and this although, distinctly, his companion had no more looked at him with a hint than he had looked at her with a question. He had looked and he was looking only at Milly herself, ever so pleasantly and considerately—she scarce knew what to call it; but without prejudice to her consciousness, all the same, that women got out of predicaments better than men. The predicament of course wasn't definite or phraseable—and the way they let all phrasing pass was presently to recur to our young woman as a characteristic triumph of the civilised state; but she took it for granted, insistently, with a small private flare of passion, because the one thing she could think of to do for him was to show him how she eased him off. She would really, tired and nervous, have been much disconcerted, were it not that the opportunity in question had saved her. It was what had saved her most, what had made her, after the first few seconds, almost as brave for Kate as Kate was for her, had made her only ask herself what their friend would like of her. That he was at the end of three minutes, without the least complicated reference, so smoothly "their" friend was just the effect of their all being sublimely civilised. The flash in which he saw this was, for Milly, fairly inspiring—to that degree in fact that she was even now, on such a plane, yearning to be supreme. It took, no doubt, a big dose of inspiration to treat as not funny—or at least as not unpleasant—the anomaly, for Kate, that she knew their gentleman, and for herself, that Kate was spending the morning with him; but everything continued to make for this after Milly had tasted of her draught. She was to wonder in subsequent reflection what in the world they had actually said, since they had made such a success of what they didn't say; the sweetness of the draught for the time, at any rate, was to feel success assured. What depended on this for Mr. Densher was all obscurity to her, and she perhaps but invented the image of his need as a short cut to service. Whatever were the facts, their perfect manners, all round, saw them through. The finest part of Milly's own inspiration, it may further be mentioned, was the quick perception that what would be of most service was, so to speak, her own native wood-note. She had long been conscious with shame for her thin blood, or at least for her poor economy, of her unused margin as an American girl—closely indeed as, in English air, the text might appear to cover the page. She still had reserves of spontaneity, if not of comicality; so that all this cash in hand could now find employment. She became as spontaneous as possible and as American as it might conveniently appeal to Mr. Densher, after his travels, to find her. She said things in the air, and yet flattered herself that she struck him as saying them not in the tone of agitation but in the tone of New York. In the tone of New York agitation was beautifully discounted, and she had now a sufficient view of how much it might accordingly help her.

Miss Theale sensed that something wonderful and unspoken was also influencing him regarding Kate; and this was true even though, clearly, he hadn’t looked at her with an invitation any more than she had looked at him with a question. He was focused only on Milly, with a kindness and consideration that left her a bit unsure of how to label it; yet, she was still consciously aware that women generally handled tough situations better than men. The situation, of course, wasn’t clear or easy to articulate—and the way they both avoided articulating it later struck our young woman as a hallmark of civilized society; but she accepted it as a given, with a slight personal spark of passion, since the one thing she could think to do for him was to show him how she could ease his discomfort. Honestly, she would have felt quite unsettled, tired and anxious, had it not been for the opportunity that had come her way. It was what had saved her the most, making her, after the initial moments, almost as bold for Kate as Kate was for her, prompting her to simply consider what their friend would appreciate from her. Remarkably, he, after three minutes without any complicated context, effortlessly became "their" friend, which was just a testament to their overall civilized behavior. The moment he realized this was, for Milly, quite inspiring—so much so that she found herself, in that moment, aspiring to be exceptional. It certainly required quite a bit of inspiration to not view—as odd or at least troubling—the unusual situation where Kate knew their gentleman, and for Milly, that Kate was spending the morning with him; however, everything continued to support this after Milly had savored her moment. She would later reflect on what they had actually said since they had managed to succeed in what they hadn’t said; for the time being, the sweetness of the moment assured her of this success. What this meant for Mr. Densher was totally unclear to her, and she might have just created the idea of his need as a shortcut to being helpful. Regardless of the facts, their perfect manners helped them navigate through. Another significant part of Milly’s inspiration was her quick realization that what would be most helpful was, in a sense, her own natural charm. She had long felt embarrassed about her frail nature, or at least for her limited resources as an American girl—however closely the text might appear to cover the page in English society. She still had reserves of enthusiasm, if not humor, and now all this potential could finally be put to use. She became as spontaneous as possible and as American as she thought Mr. Densher might find appealing after his travels. She brought ideas into the air and still believed she presented them not with agitation but with a New York vibe. In New York’s tone, agitation was beautifully downplayed, and she now had a clear understanding of how much this could help her.

The help was fairly rendered before they left the place; when her friends presently accepted her invitation to adjourn with her to luncheon at her hotel, it was in the Fifth Avenue that the meal might have waited. Kate had never been there so straight, but Milly was at present taking her; and if Mr. Densher had been he had at least never had to come so fast. She proposed it as the natural thing—proposed it as the American girl; and she saw herself quickly justified by the pace at which she was followed. The beauty of the case was that to do it all she had only to appear to take Kate's hint. This had said, in its fine first smile, "Oh yes, our look is queer—but give me time;" and the American girl could give time as nobody else could. What Milly thus gave she therefore made them take—even if, as they might surmise, it was rather more than they wanted. In the porch of the museum she expressed her preference for a four-wheeler; they would take their course in that guise precisely to multiply the minutes. She was more than ever justified by the positive charm that her spirit imparted even to their use of this conveyance; and she touched her highest point—that is, certainly, for herself—as she ushered her companions into the presence of Susie. Susie was there with luncheon, with her return, in prospect; and nothing could now have filled her own consciousness more to the brim than to see this good friend take in how little she was abjectly anxious. The cup itself actually offered to this good friend might in truth well be startling, for it was composed beyond question of ingredients oddly mixed. She caught Susie fairly looking at her as if to know whether she had brought in guests to hear Sir Luke Strett's report. Well, it was better her companion should have too much than too little to wonder about; she had come out "anyway," as they said at home, for the interest of the thing; and interest truly sat in her eyes. Milly was none the less, at the sharpest crisis, a little sorry for her; she could of necessity extract from the odd scene so comparatively little of a soothing secret. She saw Mr. Densher suddenly popping up, but she saw nothing else that had happened. She saw in the same way her young friend indifferent to her young friend's doom, and she lacked what would explain it. The only thing to keep her in patience was the way, after luncheon, Kate almost, as might be said, made up to her. This was actually perhaps as well what most kept Milly herself in patience. It had in fact for our young woman a positive beauty—was so marked as a deviation from the handsome girl's previous courses. Susie had been a bore to the handsome girl, and the change was now suggestive. The two sat together, after they had risen from table, in the apartment in which they had lunched, making it thus easy for the other guest and his entertainer to sit in the room adjacent. This, for the latter personage, was the beauty; it was almost, on Kate's part, like a prayer to be relieved. If she honestly liked better to be "thrown with" Susan Shepherd than with their other friend, why that said practically everything. It didn't perhaps altogether say why she had gone out with him for the morning, but it said, as one thought, about as much as she could say to his face.

The help was provided before they left the place; when her friends quickly accepted her invitation to join her for lunch at her hotel, it was on Fifth Avenue that the meal could have waited. Kate had never gone there directly, but Milly was taking her this time; and even if Mr. Densher had been, he had never had to rush like this. She suggested it as the natural thing—she pitched it like an American girl; and she felt validated by how quickly they followed her lead. The beauty of the situation was that all she had to do was act on Kate's cue. Kate's original smile had hinted, "Oh yes, we look a bit odd—but give me a moment;" and the American girl could give time like no one else. What Milly offered, she made them accept—even if, as they might suspect, it was a little more than they wanted. In the museum's entrance, she expressed her preference for a cab; they would take that route just to stretch out the minutes. She felt even more justified by the genuine charm her spirit brought to their ride; and she reached her peak—at least for herself—as she welcomed her friends into the presence of Susie. Susie was there with lunch, ready to return from her errand; and nothing could fill Milly with more joy than seeing this good friend realize how little anxious she actually was. The cup offered to this good friend might indeed be surprising since it consisted of rather unusual ingredients. She noticed Susie looking at her as if to find out whether she had brought guests to hear Sir Luke Strett's report. Well, it was better for her companion to have too much to ponder than not enough; she had come out "anyway," as they would say back home, for the thrill of it; and genuine interest shown in her eyes. Still, at the most intense moment, Milly felt a little bad for Susie; she could only derive so little comforting insight from the strange scene. She saw Mr. Densher suddenly appear but noticed nothing else happening. She saw her young friend indifferent to her fate, and she lacked the understanding to make sense of it. The only thing keeping her patient was how, after lunch, Kate almost seemed to warm up to her. This was actually what helped Milly stay patient. For the young woman, it held a definite beauty—being such a marked departure from the attractive girl's usual ways. Susie had bored the attractive girl, and this change was telling. The two sat together, after rising from the table, in the room where they had lunched, making it easy for the other guest and his host to sit next door. For the latter, this was beautiful; it was almost like a plea from Kate to be freed. If she honestly preferred being with Susan Shepherd over their other friend, that practically said it all. It might not explain why she had gone out with him that morning, but it conveyed about as much as she could say to his face.

Little by little indeed, under the vividness of Kate's behaviour, the probabilities fell back into their order. Merton Densher was in love, and Kate couldn't help it—could only be sorry and kind: wouldn't that, without wild flurries, cover everything? Milly at all events tried it as a cover, tried it hard, for the time; pulled it over her, in the front, the larger room, drew it up to her chin with energy. If it didn't, so treated, do everything for her, it did so much that she could herself supply the rest. She made that up by the interest of her great question, the question of whether, seeing him once more, with all that, as she called it to herself, had come and gone, her impression of him would be different from the impression received in New York. That had held her from the moment of their leaving the museum; it kept her company through their drive and during luncheon; and now that she was a quarter of an hour alone with him it became acute. She was to feel at this crisis that no clear, no common answer, no direct satisfaction on this point, was to reach her; she was to see her question itself simply go to pieces. She couldn't tell if he were different or not, and she didn't know nor care if she were: these things had ceased to matter in the light of the only thing she did know. This was that she liked him, as she put it to herself, as much as ever; and if that were to amount to liking a new person the amusement would be but the greater. She had thought him at first very quiet, in spite of recovery from his original confusion; though even the shade of bewilderment, she yet perceived, had not been due to such vagueness on the subject of her reintensified identity as the probable sight, over there, of many thousands of her kind would sufficiently have justified. No, he was quiet, inevitably, for the first half of the time, because Milly's own lively line—the line of spontaneity—made everything else relative; and because too, so far as Kate was spontaneous, it was ever so finely in the air among them that the normal pitch must be kept. Afterwards, when they had got a little more used, as it were, to each other's separate felicity, he had begun to talk more, clearly bethought himself, at a given moment, of what his natural lively line would be. It would be to take for granted she must wish to hear of the States, and to give her, in its order, everything he had seen and done there. He abounded, of a sudden he almost insisted; he returned, after breaks, to the charge; and the effect was perhaps the more odd as he gave no clue whatever to what he had admired, as he went, or to what he hadn't. He simply drenched her with his sociable story—especially during the time they were away from the others. She had stopped then being American—all to let him be English; a permission of which he took, she could feel, both immense and unconscious advantage. She had really never cared less for the "States" than at this moment; but that had nothing to do with the matter. It would have been the occasion of her life to learn about them, for nothing could put him off, and he ventured on no reference to what had happened for herself. It might have been almost as if he had known that the greatest of all these adventures was her doing just what she did then.

Little by little, under the vividness of Kate's behavior, the possibilities fell back into order. Merton Densher was in love, and Kate couldn't help it—she could only feel sorry and be kind: wouldn’t that, without wild flurries, cover everything? Milly, at least, tried to cover it, worked hard at it for a time; she pulled it over herself in the front room, drawing it up to her chin with energy. If it didn’t, treated this way, do everything for her, it did enough that she could supply the rest. She filled that gap with the interest of her big question, which was whether, seeing him one more time, with all that she called to herself had come and gone, her impression of him would be different from the impression she’d gotten in New York. That thought had held her since they left the museum; it kept her company during their drive and lunch; and now, after a quarter of an hour alone with him, it became acute. She was to feel, at this moment, that no clear, common answer, or direct satisfaction on this point, would reach her; she was to see her question simply fall apart. She couldn’t tell if he was different or not, and she didn’t know or care if she was: these things had stopped mattering in light of the only thing she did know. This was that she liked him, as she put it to herself, as much as ever; and if that meant liking a new person, then the amusement would only be greater. At first, she thought he seemed very quiet, despite shaking off his original confusion; though even the hint of bewilderment, she noticed, hadn’t been due to such vagueness about her reestablished identity as the probable sight of many thousands of her kind would have justified. No, he was quiet, inevitably, during the first half of their time together, because Milly's own lively energy—the energy of spontaneity—made everything else relative; and also because, as far as Kate was spontaneous, it was clear that a normal pace needed to be maintained. Later, once they got a little more used to each other’s individual happiness, he started talking more, clearly thinking, at a certain moment, about what his own natural lively energy would be. It would be to assume she would want to hear about the States, and to share everything he had seen and done there in order. He suddenly became animated, almost insistent; he returned to that topic after pauses; and the effect was even more noticeable since he gave no hint at all of what he had admired or what he hadn’t. He simply overwhelmed her with his sociable stories—especially while they were away from the others. She had stopped being American then—all to let him be English; a privilege of which he took, she could sense, both immense and unintentional advantage. She had honestly never cared less about the "States" than at that moment; but that had nothing to do with the matter. It would have been the perfect opportunity for her to learn about them, for nothing could distract him, and he didn’t reference what had happened to her. It might have been almost as if he knew that the greatest of all these adventures was her doing exactly what she did then.

It was at this point that she saw the smash of her great question as complete, saw that all she had to do with was the sense of being there with him. And there was no chill for this in what she also presently saw—that, however he had begun, he was now acting from a particular desire, determined either by new facts or new fancies, to be like everyone else, simplifyingly "kind" to her. He had caught on already as to manner—fallen into line with everyone else; and if his spirits verily had gone up it might well be that he had thus felt himself lighting on the remedy for all awkwardness. Whatever he did or he didn't, Milly knew she should still like him—there was no alternative to that; but her heart could none the less sink a little on feeling how much his view of her was destined to have in common with—as she now sighed over it—the view. She could have dreamed of his not having the view, of his having something or other, if need be quite viewless, of his own; but he might have what he could with least trouble, and the view wouldn't be, after all, a positive bar to her seeing him. The defect of it in general—if she might so ungraciously criticise—was that, by its sweet universality, it made relations rather prosaically a matter of course. It anticipated and superseded the—likewise sweet—operation of real affinities. It was this that was doubtless marked in her power to keep him now—this and her glassy lustre of attention to his pleasantness about the scenery in the Rockies. She was in truth a little measuring her success in detaining him by Kate's success in "standing" Susan. It would not be, if she could help it, Mr. Densher who should first break down. Such at least was one of the forms of the girl's inward tension; but beneath even this deep reason was a motive still finer. What she had left at home on going out to give it a chance was meanwhile still, was more sharply and actively, there. What had been at the top of her mind about it and then been violently pushed down—this quantity was again working up. As soon as their friends should go Susie would break out, and what she would break out upon wouldn't be—interested in that gentleman as she had more than once shown herself—the personal fact of Mr. Densher. Milly had found in her face at luncheon a feverish glitter, and it told what she was full of. She didn't care now for Mr. Densher's personal fact. Mr. Densher had risen before her only to find his proper place in her imagination already, of a sudden, occupied. His personal fact failed, so far as she was concerned, to be personal, and her companion noted the failure. This could only mean that she was full to the brim, of Sir Luke Strett, and of what she had had from him. What had she had from him? It was indeed now working upward again that Milly would do well to know, though knowledge looked stiff in the light of Susie's glitter. It was therefore, on the whole, because Densher's young hostess was divided from it by so thin a partition that she continued to cling to the Rockies.

It was at this point that she saw her big question was resolved, realizing that all she needed was the feeling of being there with him. And there was no discomfort in what she also noticed—that, no matter how he had started, he was now driven by a specific desire, shaped either by new information or new ideas, to act like everyone else, simplistically "kind" to her. He had already adjusted his behavior—fallen into line with everyone else; and if his mood really had improved, it might be that he felt he had found the solution to any awkwardness. No matter what he did or didn’t do, Milly knew she would still like him—there was no way around that; but her heart could still sink a bit when considering how much his perception of her would likely align with—the perspective she now sighed over. She could have imagined him not sharing this perspective, maybe having some unique view of his own; but he would likely take the easiest option, and the perspective wouldn’t end up being a complete barrier to her seeing him. The flaw in it overall—if she could criticize it—was that, due to its sweet universality, it rendered relationships rather predictably routine. It preempted and replaced the—also sweet—dynamics of genuine connections. This was likely what allowed her to keep him here—this and her attentive sparkle regarding his enjoyment of the scenery in the Rockies. She was, in fact, slightly gauging her ability to hold onto him against Kate’s ability to "hold" Susan. It wouldn’t be, if she could help it, Mr. Densher who would first break down. That at least was one aspect of the girl's internal struggle; but underneath even this deep reason was a motive even more subtle. What she had left behind at home when she went out to give it a chance was still very much present, was more intensely and actively there. What had occupied her mind about it, then been forcefully pushed away—this was now resurfacing. As soon as their friends left, Susie would express herself, and what she would focus on wouldn’t be—interested in that gentleman as she had demonstrated more than once—the personal matter of Mr. Densher. Milly had noticed in Susie's face at lunch a feverish shine, revealing what was on her mind. She didn’t care about Mr. Densher's personal situation anymore. Mr. Densher had appeared before her just as his rightful spot in her thoughts had suddenly been filled. His personal situation no longer felt personal to her, and her companion noticed this lack. This could only suggest that she was completely preoccupied with Sir Luke Strett and what she had learned from him. What had she learned from him? It was indeed now surfacing again, something Milly needed to be aware of, even though understanding felt stiff under the glare of Susie's shine. Therefore, on the whole, it was because Densher's young hostess was separated from this by such a thin barrier that she continued to hold onto thoughts of the Rockies.


Download ePUB

If you like this ebook, consider a donation!