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THE "GENIUS"
BY THEODORE DREISER
SISTER CARRIE
JENNIE GERHARDT
A TRAVELER AT FORTY
SISTER CARRIE
JENNIE GERHARDT
A TRAVELER AT FORTY
A TRILOGY OF DESIRE
1. THE FINANCIER
2. THE TITAN
3. * * * * * * * *
A TRILOGY OF DESIRE
1. THE FINANCIER
2. THE TITAN
3. * * * * * * * *
THE
"GENIUS"
BY
THEODORE DREISER
NEW YORK: JOHN LANE COMPANY
LONDON: JOHN LANE, THE BODLEY HEAD
TORONTO: S. B. GUNDY MCMXV
THE
"GENIUS"
BY
THEODORE DREISER
NEW YORK: JOHN LANE COMPANY
LONDON: JOHN LANE, THE BODLEY HEAD
TORONTO: S. B. GUNDY 1915
1915.
By JOHN LANE COMPANY
1915.
By JOHN LANE COMPANY
Press of
J. J. Little & Ives Company
New York, U. S. A.
Press of
J. J. Little & Ives Company
New York, NY, USA
Table of Contents
BOOK I
CHAPTER I
CHAPTER II
CHAPTER III
CHAPTER IV
CHAPTER V
CHAPTER VI
CHAPTER VII
CHAPTER VIII
CHAPTER IX
CHAPTER X
CHAPTER XI
CHAPTER XII
CHAPTER XIII
CHAPTER XIV
CHAPTER XV
CHAPTER XVI
CHAPTER XVII
CHAPTER XVIII
CHAPTER XIX
CHAPTER XX
CHAPTER XXI
CHAPTER XXII
CHAPTER XXIII
CHAPTER XXIV
CHAPTER XXV
CHAPTER XXVI
CHAPTER XXVII
CHAPTER XXVIII
BOOK II
CHAPTER I
CHAPTER II
CHAPTER III
CHAPTER IV
CHAPTER V
CHAPTER VI
CHAPTER VII
CHAPTER VIII
CHAPTER IX
CHAPTER X
CHAPTER XI
CHAPTER XII
CHAPTER XIII
CHAPTER XIV
CHAPTER XV
CHAPTER XVI
CHAPTER XVII
CHAPTER XVIII
CHAPTER XIX
CHAPTER XX
CHAPTER XXI
CHAPTER XXII
CHAPTER XXIII
CHAPTER XXIV
CHAPTER XXV
CHAPTER XXVI
CHAPTER XXVII
CHAPTER XXVIII
CHAPTER XXIX
CHAPTER XXX
CHAPTER XXXI
CHAPTER XXXII
CHAPTER XXXIII
CHAPTER XXXIV
CHAPTER XXXV
CHAPTER XXXVI
CHAPTER XXXVII
CHAPTER XXXVIII
CHAPTER XXXIX
CHAPTER XL
CHAPTER XLI
CHAPTER XLII
CHAPTER XLIII
CHAPTER XLIV
BOOK III
CHAPTER I
CHAPTER II
CHAPTER III
CHAPTER IV
CHAPTER V
CHAPTER VI
CHAPTER VII
CHAPTER VIII
CHAPTER IX
CHAPTER X
CHAPTER XI
CHAPTER XII
CHAPTER XIII
CHAPTER XIV
CHAPTER XV
CHAPTER XVI
CHAPTER XVII
CHAPTER XVIII
CHAPTER XIX
CHAPTER XX
CHAPTER XXI
CHAPTER XXII
CHAPTER XXIII
CHAPTER XXIV
CHAPTER XXV
CHAPTER XXVI
CHAPTER XXVII
CHAPTER XXVIII
CHAPTER XXIX
L'ENVOI
Table of Contents
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"Eugene Witla, wilt thou have this woman to thy wedded wife, to live together after God's ordinance in the holy estate of matrimony? Wilt thou love her, comfort her, honour her, and keep her in sickness and in health; and forsaking all others, keep thee only unto her, so long as ye both shall live?"
"Eugene Witla, do you take this woman to be your wedded wife, to live together according to God's design in the sacred bond of marriage? Will you love her, comfort her, honor her, and care for her in sickness and in health; and forsaking all others, be devoted only to her for as long as you both shall live?"
"I will."
"I got this."
BOOK I
YOUTH
THE "GENIUS"
CHAPTER I
[Pg 9] This story has its beginnings in the town of Alexandria, Illinois, between 1884 and 1889, at the time when the place had a population of somewhere near ten thousand. There was about it just enough of the air of a city to relieve it of the sense of rural life. It had one street-car line, a theatre,—or rather, an opera house, so-called (why no one might say, for no opera was ever performed there)—two railroads, with their stations, and a business district, composed of four brisk sides to a public square. In the square were the county court-house and four newspapers. These two morning and two evening papers made the population fairly aware of the fact that life was full of issues, local and national, and that there were many interesting and varied things to do. On the edge of town, several lakes and a pretty stream—perhaps Alexandria's most pleasant feature—gave it an atmosphere not unakin to that of a moderate-priced summer resort. Architecturally the town was not new. It was mostly built of wood, as all American towns were at this time, but laid out prettily in some sections, with houses that sat back in great yards, far from the streets, with flower beds, brick walks, and green trees as concomitants of a comfortable home life. Alexandria was a city of young Americans. Its spirit was young. Life was all before almost everybody. It was really good to be alive.
[Pg 9] This story starts in the town of Alexandria, Illinois, between 1884 and 1889, when the population was around ten thousand. It had enough of a city vibe to escape the feeling of rural life. There was one streetcar line, a theater—or rather, an opera house, although no one really knows why it was called that since no opera ever took place there—two railroads with their stations, and a lively business district made up of four bustling sides of a public square. In the square were the county courthouse and four newspapers. These two morning and two evening papers kept the residents well-informed about the many local and national issues, making clear that life was full of interesting activities. On the outskirts of town, several lakes and a charming stream—perhaps Alexandria's most appealing feature—added a resort-like atmosphere. Architecturally, the town wasn't new. Like most American towns of that era, it was mostly wooden but had some attractive areas with houses set back on large yards, far from the streets, featuring flower beds, brick walkways, and green trees, all contributing to a comfortable home life. Alexandria was a city of young Americans. Its spirit was youthful. Life lay ahead for almost everyone. It truly was a great time to be alive.
In one part of this city there lived a family which in its character and composition might well have been considered typically American and middle western. It was not by any means poor—or, at least, did not consider itself so; it was in no sense rich. Thomas Jefferson Witla, the father, was a sewing machine agent with the general agency in that county of one of the best known and best selling machines made. From each twenty, thirty-five or sixty-dollar machine which he sold, he took a profit of thirty-five per cent. The sale of machines was not great, but it was enough to yield him nearly two thousand dollars a year; and on that he had managed to buy a house and lot, to furnish it comfortably, to send his children to school, and to maintain a local store on the public square where the latest styles of machines were displayed. He also took old machines of other makes in [Pg 10] exchange, allowing ten to fifteen dollars on the purchase price of a new machine. He also repaired machines,—and with that peculiar energy of the American mind, he tried to do a little insurance business in addition. His first idea was that his son, Eugene Tennyson Witla, might take charge of this latter work, once he became old enough and the insurance trade had developed sufficiently. He did not know what his son might turn out to be, but it was always well to have an anchor to windward.
In one part of this city, there was a family that could easily be seen as typically American and Midwestern in both character and makeup. They weren't poor—or at least, they didn't see themselves that way; they were certainly not wealthy. Thomas Jefferson Witla, the father, was a sewing machine salesperson representing one of the most well-known and best-selling brands in the county. For each sewing machine he sold, priced at twenty, thirty-five, or sixty dollars, he made a profit of thirty-five percent. The sales weren't huge, but they brought in nearly two thousand dollars a year. With that income, he managed to buy a house and lot, furnish it comfortably, send his kids to school, and maintain a local store in the public square showcasing the latest models of machines. He also accepted old machines from other brands as trade-in, offering ten to fifteen dollars off the purchase price of a new machine. Additionally, he repaired machines and, with that characteristic energy of the American spirit, he attempted to start a small insurance business on the side. His initial thought was that his son, Eugene Tennyson Witla, could take over that part of the business when he was old enough and the insurance market had matured. He wasn't sure what his son would end up being, but it was always smart to have a backup plan.
He was a quick, wiry, active man of no great stature, sandy-haired, with blue eyes with noticeable eye-brows, an eagle nose, and a rather radiant and ingratiating smile. Service as a canvassing salesman, endeavoring to persuade recalcitrant wives and indifferent or conservative husbands to realize that they really needed a new machine in their home, had taught him caution, tact, savoir faire. He knew how to approach people pleasantly. His wife thought too much so.
He was a fast, wiry, energetic guy of short height, with sandy hair, blue eyes highlighted by noticeable eyebrows, an eagle-like nose, and a bright, charming smile. Working as a canvassing salesman, trying to convince stubborn wives and indifferent or conservative husbands that they really needed a new machine in their homes, taught him to be cautious, tactful, and skilled in social situations. He knew how to approach people in a friendly way. His wife thought he went a bit overboard with it.
Certainly he was honest, hard working, and thrifty. They had been waiting a long time for the day when they could say they owned their own home and had a little something laid away for emergencies. That day had come, and life was not half bad. Their house was neat,—white with green shutters, surrounded by a yard with well kept flower beds, a smooth lawn, and some few shapely and broad spreading trees. There was a front porch with rockers, a swing under one tree, a hammock under another, a buggy and several canvassing wagons in a nearby stable. Witla liked dogs, so there were two collies. Mrs. Witla liked live things, so there were a canary bird, a cat, some chickens, and a bird house set aloft on a pole where a few blue-birds made their home. It was a nice little place, and Mr. and Mrs. Witla were rather proud of it.
Certainly, he was honest, hardworking, and frugal. They had been waiting a long time for the day they could say they owned their own home and had some savings for emergencies. That day had arrived, and life was pretty good. Their house was tidy—white with green shutters, surrounded by a yard with well-maintained flower beds, a smooth lawn, and a couple of broad, spreading trees. There was a front porch with rocking chairs, a swing under one tree, a hammock under another, a buggy, and several canvas-covered wagons in a nearby barn. Witla liked dogs, so they had two collies. Mrs. Witla loved living creatures, so there was a canary, a cat, some chickens, and a birdhouse perched on a pole where a few bluebirds made their home. It was a lovely little place, and Mr. and Mrs. Witla were quite proud of it.
Miriam Witla was a good wife to her husband. A daughter of a hay and grain dealer in Wooster, a small town near Alexandria in McLean County, she had never been farther out into the world than Springfield and Chicago. She had gone to Springfield as a very young girl, to see Lincoln buried, and once with her husband she had gone to the state fair or exposition which was held annually in those days on the lake front in Chicago. She was well preserved, good looking, poetic under a marked outward reserve. It was she who had insisted upon naming her only son Eugene Tennyson, a tribute at once to a brother Eugene, and to the celebrated romanticist of verse, because she had been so impressed with his "Idylls of the King."
Miriam Witla was a great wife to her husband. The daughter of a hay and grain dealer in Wooster, a small town near Alexandria in McLean County, she had never traveled farther than Springfield and Chicago. As a young girl, she had gone to Springfield to see Lincoln’s burial, and once she visited the state fair or exposition with her husband, which was held annually back then on the lakefront in Chicago. She was well-preserved, attractive, and had a poetic side despite her marked outward reserve. It was she who insisted on naming their only son Eugene Tennyson, paying tribute to her brother Eugene as well as to the famous romantic poet, since she had been so moved by his "Idylls of the King."
Eugene Tennyson seemed rather strong to Witla père, as the name of a middle-western American boy, but he loved his wife [Pg 11] and gave her her way in most things. He rather liked the names of Sylvia and Myrtle with which she had christened the two girls. All three of the children were good looking,—Sylvia, a girl of twenty-one, with black hair, dark eyes, full blown like a rose, healthy, active, smiling. Myrtle was of a less vigorous constitution, small, pale, shy, but intensely sweet—like the flower she was named after, her mother said. She was inclined to be studious and reflective, to read verse and dream. The young bloods of the high school were all crazy to talk to Myrtle and to walk with her, but they could find no words. And she herself did not know what to say to them.
Eugene Tennyson seemed pretty solid to Witla père as the name of a middle-American boy, but he loved his wife [Pg 11] and usually let her have her way. He actually liked the names Sylvia and Myrtle that she had given their two girls. All three kids were good-looking—Sylvia, a twenty-one-year-old with black hair, dark eyes, and a rosy, vibrant smile. Myrtle was smaller, paler, and shyer, but incredibly sweet—just like the flower she was named after, her mother said. She had a tendency to be studious and thoughtful, often reading poetry and daydreaming. The high school boys were all eager to talk to Myrtle and walk with her, but they struggled to find the right words. And she didn't know what to say to them either.
Eugene Witla was the apple of his family's eye, younger than either of his two sisters by two years. He had straight smooth black hair, dark almond-shaped eyes, a straight nose, a shapely but not aggressive chin; his teeth were even and white, showing with a curious delicacy when he smiled, as if he were proud of them. He was not very strong to begin with, moody, and to a notable extent artistic. Because of a weak stomach and a semi-anæmic condition, he did not really appear as strong as he was. He had emotion, fire, longings, that were concealed behind a wall of reserve. He was shy, proud, sensitive, and very uncertain of himself.
Eugene Witla was the pride of his family, two years younger than both of his sisters. He had straight, smooth black hair, dark almond-shaped eyes, a straight nose, and a well-formed chin that wasn’t too prominent; his teeth were even and white, revealing a delicate smile as if he took pride in them. He wasn’t very strong to start with, was moody, and had a distinctly artistic side. Because of a weak stomach and a bit of anemia, he didn’t seem as strong as he actually was. He had emotions, passion, and desires that were hidden behind a wall of reserve. He was shy, proud, sensitive, and very unsure of himself.
When at home he lounged about the house, reading Dickens, Thackeray, Scott and Poe. He browsed idly through one book after another, wondering about life. The great cities appealed to him. He thought of travel as a wonderful thing. In school he read Taine and Gibbon between recitation hours, wondering at the luxury and beauty of the great courts of the world. He cared nothing for grammar, nothing for mathematics, nothing for botany or physics, except odd bits here and there. Curious facts would strike him—the composition of clouds, the composition of water, the chemical elements of the earth. He liked to lie in the hammock at home, spring, summer or fall, and look at the blue sky showing through the trees. A soaring buzzard poised in speculative flight held his attention fixedly. The wonder of a snowy cloud, high piled like wool, and drifting as an island, was like a song to him. He had wit, a keen sense of humor, a sense of pathos. Sometimes he thought he would draw; sometimes write. He had a little talent for both, he thought, but did practically nothing with either. He would sketch now and then, but only fragments—a small roof-top, with smoke curling from a chimney and birds flying; a bit of water with a willow bending over it and perhaps a boat anchored; a mill pond with ducks afloat, and a boy or woman on the [Pg 12] bank. He really had no great talent for interpretation at this time, only an intense sense of beauty. The beauty of a bird in flight, a rose in bloom, a tree swaying in the wind—these held him. He would walk the streets of his native town at night, admiring the brightness of the store windows, the sense of youth and enthusiasm that went with a crowd; the sense of love and comfort and home that spoke through the glowing windows of houses set back among trees.
When he was at home, he relaxed around the house, reading Dickens, Thackeray, Scott, and Poe. He casually flipped through books one after another, pondering life. The idea of big cities excited him. He saw travel as something amazing. At school, he read Taine and Gibbon during downtime, marveling at the luxury and beauty of the world’s grand courts. He didn't care about grammar, math, botany, or physics, except for the occasional interesting detail. Curious facts caught his attention—the makeup of clouds, the makeup of water, the chemical elements of the earth. He enjoyed lying in the hammock at home during spring, summer, or fall, watching the blue sky peeking through the trees. A soaring buzzard gliding in the sky captivated him. The beauty of a fluffy white cloud drifting like an island felt like a song to him. He had wit, a sharp sense of humor, and an understanding of pathos. Sometimes he thought about drawing; other times, writing. He believed he had some talent in both but didn’t really do much with either. He’d doodle now and then, but only in bits and pieces—a small rooftop with smoke curling from a chimney and birds flying around; a patch of water with a willow bending over it and maybe a boat anchored; a mill pond with ducks floating, and a boy or woman on the bank. He didn't have much talent for interpretation at that time, just a strong sense of beauty. The beauty of a bird in flight, a blooming rose, a tree swaying in the wind—those things captivated him. He would stroll through the streets of his hometown at night, enjoying the bright store windows, the feeling of youth and excitement that came with a crowd; the warmth and comfort of home that seemed to radiate from the glowing windows of houses tucked away among the trees.
He admired girls,—was mad about them,—but only about those who were truly beautiful. There were two or three in his school who reminded him of poetic phrases he had come across—"beauty like a tightened bow," "thy hyacinth hair, thy classic face," "a dancing shape, an image gay"—but he could not talk to them with ease. They were beautiful but so distant. He invested them with more beauty than they had; the beauty was in his own soul. But he did not know that. One girl whose yellow hair lay upon her neck in great yellow braids like ripe corn, was constantly in his thoughts. He worshiped her from afar but she never knew. She never knew what solemn black eyes burned at her when she was not looking. She left Alexandria, her family moving to another town, and in time he recovered, for there is much of beauty. But the color of her hair and the wonder of her neck stayed with him always.
He admired girls—was crazy about them—but only the ones who were truly beautiful. There were a couple in his school who reminded him of poetic phrases he'd come across—"beauty like a tightened bow," "thy hyacinth hair, thy classic face," "a dancing shape, an image gay"—but he couldn’t talk to them easily. They were beautiful but so unattainable. He projected more beauty onto them than they actually had; the beauty was really in him. But he didn’t realize that. One girl whose yellow hair fell on her neck in big yellow braids like ripe corn was always on his mind. He admired her from a distance, but she never knew. She never knew what serious black eyes watched her when she wasn’t looking. She left Alexandria when her family moved to another town, and eventually he got over it, because there's plenty of beauty out there. But the color of her hair and the wonder of her neck stayed with him forever.
There was some plan on the part of Witla to send these children to college, but none of them showed any great desire for education. They were perhaps wiser than books, for they were living in the realm of imagination and feeling. Sylvia longed to be a mother, and was married at twenty-one to Henry Burgess, the son of Benjamin C. Burgess, editor of the Morning Appeal. There was a baby the first year. Myrtle was dreaming through algebra and trigonometry, wondering whether she would teach or get married, for the moderate prosperity of the family demanded that she do something. Eugene mooned through his studies, learning nothing practical. He wrote a little, but his efforts at sixteen were puerile. He drew, but there was no one to tell him whether there was any merit in the things he did or not. Practical matters were generally without significance to him. But he was overawed by the fact that the world demanded practical service—buying and selling like his father, clerking in stores, running big business. It was a confusing maze, and he wondered, even at this age, what was to become of him. He did not object to the kind of work his father was doing, but it did not interest him. For himself he knew it would be a pointless, dreary way of making a living, and as for insurance, that was equally [Pg 13] bad. He could hardly bring himself to read through the long rigamarole of specifications which each insurance paper itemized. There were times—evenings and Saturdays—when he clerked in his father's store, but it was painful work. His mind was not in it.
There was a plan by Witla to send these kids to college, but none of them really cared about education. They were probably smarter than textbooks, living in a world of imagination and feelings. Sylvia dreamed of being a mother and got married at twenty-one to Henry Burgess, the son of Benjamin C. Burgess, editor of the Morning Appeal. They had a baby in the first year. Myrtle was zoning out during algebra and trigonometry, debating whether she should teach or get married since the family's moderate income required her to do something. Eugene drifted through his studies, not learning anything practical. He wrote a bit, but his work at sixteen was childish. He sketched, but there was no one to tell him if his creations had any value. Practical matters generally didn’t mean much to him. But he felt overwhelmed by how the world demanded practical jobs—buying and selling like his dad, working in stores, managing big businesses. It was a confusing mess, and he wondered, even at his age, what would happen to him. He didn’t mind the kind of work his dad did, but it didn’t interest him. He knew that for himself, it would be a pointless, dull way to make a living, and as for insurance, that was just as bad. He could barely force himself to read through the long jargon of specifications listed in each insurance document. There were times—nights and weekends—when he worked in his dad's store, but it was grueling. His mind wasn’t in it.
As early as his twelfth year his father had begun to see that Eugene was not cut out for business, and by the time he was sixteen he was convinced of it. From the trend of his reading and his percentage marks at school, he was equally convinced that the boy was not interested in his studies. Myrtle, who was two classes ahead of him but sometimes in the same room, reported that he dreamed too much. He was always looking out of the window.
As early as his twelfth year, his father started to realize that Eugene wasn’t meant for business, and by the time he turned sixteen, he was sure of it. Based on the books he read and his grades at school, he was equally convinced that the boy wasn’t really interested in his studies. Myrtle, who was two classes ahead of him but sometimes shared the same room, said he daydreamed too much. He was always staring out the window.
Eugene's experience with girls had not been very wide. There were those very minor things that occur in early youth—girls whom we furtively kiss, or who furtively kiss us—the latter had been the case with Eugene. He had no particular interest in any one girl. At fourteen he had been picked by a little girl at a party as an affinity, for the evening at least, and in a game of "post-office" had enjoyed the wonder of a girl's arms around him in a dark room and a girl's lips against his; but since then there had been no re-encounter of any kind. He had dreamed of love, with this one experience as a basis, but always in a shy, distant way. He was afraid of girls, and they, to tell the truth, were afraid of him. They could not make him out.
Eugene's experience with girls had been pretty limited. There were those small moments in early youth—girls we secretly kiss or who secretly kiss us—the latter being Eugene's situation. He wasn't particularly interested in any one girl. At fourteen, a little girl at a party had chosen him as her partner, at least for the evening, and during a game of "post-office," he had experienced the thrill of a girl's arms around him in a dark room and her lips against his; but since then, there had been no further encounters. He had dreamed of love, based on this one experience, but always in a shy, distant way. He was afraid of girls, and to be honest, they were afraid of him too. They just couldn't figure him out.
But in the fall of his seventeenth year Eugene came into contact with one girl who made a profound impression on him. Stella Appleton was a notably beautiful creature. She was very fair, Eugene's own age, with very blue eyes and a slender sylph-like body. She was gay and debonair in an enticing way, without really realizing how dangerous she was to the average, susceptible male heart. She liked to flirt with the boys because it amused her, and not because she cared for anyone in particular. There was no petty meanness about it, however, for she thought they were all rather nice, the less clever appealing to her almost more than the sophisticated. She may have liked Eugene originally because of his shyness.
But in the fall of his seventeenth year, Eugene met a girl who left a lasting impression on him. Stella Appleton was incredibly beautiful. She was very fair, around Eugene's age, with bright blue eyes and a slender, graceful body. She was cheerful and charming in a way that was captivating, without really understanding how much of a threat she posed to the average vulnerable guy. She enjoyed flirting with boys because it entertained her, not because she was interested in anyone in particular. However, there was no maliciousness in her actions; she thought they were all quite nice, and she found the less clever boys almost more appealing than the sophisticated ones. She may have originally liked Eugene because of his shyness.
He saw her first at the beginning of his last school year when she came to the city and entered the second high school class. Her father had come from Moline, Illinois, to take a position as manager of a new pulley manufactory which was just starting. She had quickly become friends with his sister Myrtle, being perhaps attracted by her quiet ways, as Myrtle was by Stella's gaiety.
He first saw her at the start of his last school year when she moved to the city and joined the second high school class. Her dad had come from Moline, Illinois, to take a job as the manager of a new pulley manufacturing company that was just getting started. She quickly became friends with his sister Myrtle, possibly drawn to her calm demeanor, just as Myrtle was drawn to Stella's lively spirit.
[Pg 14] One afternoon, as Myrtle and Stella were on Main Street, walking home from the post office, they met Eugene, who was on his way to visit a boy friend. He was really bashful; and when he saw them approaching he wanted to escape, but there was no way. They saw him, and Stella approached confidently enough. Myrtle was anxious to intercept him, because she had her pretty companion with her.
[Pg 14] One afternoon, while Myrtle and Stella were on Main Street, walking home from the post office, they ran into Eugene, who was heading to visit a friend. He was really shy, and when he saw them coming, he wanted to hide, but there was no way to get away. They spotted him, and Stella confidently walked up to him. Myrtle was eager to get to him first because she had her attractive friend with her.
"You haven't been home, have you?" she asked, stopping. This was her chance to introduce Stella; Eugene couldn't escape. "Miss Appleton, this is my brother Eugene."
"You haven't been home, have you?" she asked, pausing. This was her chance to introduce Stella; Eugene had no way out. "Miss Appleton, this is my brother Eugene."
Stella gave him a sunny encouraging smile, and her hand, which he took gingerly. He was plainly nervous.
Stella gave him a bright, reassuring smile, and he took her hand cautiously. He seemed clearly anxious.
"I'm not very clean," he said apologetically. "I've been helping father fix a buggy."
"I'm not very tidy," he said with an apology. "I've been helping my dad work on a buggy."
"Oh, we don't mind," said Myrtle. "Where are you going?"
"Oh, we don't mind," Myrtle said. "Where are you headed?"
"Over to Harry Morris's," he explained.
"Going over to Harry Morris's," he said.
"What for?"
"Why?"
"We're going for hickory nuts."
"We're going for hickory nuts."
"Oh, I wish I had some," said Stella.
"Oh, I wish I had some," Stella said.
"I'll bring you some," he volunteered gallantly.
"I'll get some for you," he offered generously.
She smiled again. "I wish you would."
She smiled again. "I hope you do."
She almost proposed that they should be taken along, but inexperience hindered her.
She almost suggested that they should go with them, but her inexperience held her back.
Eugene was struck with all her charm at once. She seemed like one of those unattainable creatures who had swum into his ken a little earlier and disappeared. There was something of the girl with the corn-colored hair about her, only she had been more human, less like a dream. This girl was fine, delicate, pink, like porcelain. She was fragile and yet virile. He caught his breath, but he was more or less afraid of her. He did not know what she might be thinking of him.
Eugene was instantly captivated by her charm. She felt like one of those elusive beings who had briefly crossed his path before vanishing. She reminded him of the girl with the corn-colored hair, but she seemed more real, less like a fantasy. This girl was lovely, delicate, pink, like porcelain. She was fragile yet strong. He caught his breath, but he was somewhat intimidated by her. He had no idea what she might be thinking about him.
"Well, we're going on to the house," said Myrtle.
"Well, we're heading to the house," Myrtle said.
"I'd go along if I hadn't promised Harry I'd come over."
"I would go if I hadn't promised Harry I'd come over."
"Oh, that's all right," replied Myrtle. "We don't mind."
"Oh, that's fine," replied Myrtle. "We don't mind."
He withdrew, feeling that he had made a very poor impression. Stella's eyes had been on him in a very inquiring way. She looked after him when he had gone.
He stepped back, feeling like he had left a bad impression. Stella's eyes were on him with a curious look. She watched him as he walked away.
"Isn't he nice?" she said to Myrtle frankly.
"Isn't he nice?" she said to Myrtle honestly.
"I think so," replied Myrtle; "kind o'. He's too moody, though."
"I think so," Myrtle replied. "Sort of. He's really moody, though."
"What makes him?"
"What defines him?"
"He isn't very strong."
"He's not very strong."
"I think he has a nice smile."
"I think he has a great smile."
"No, please don't! You won't, will you?"
"No, please don't! You won't, right?"
"No."
"Nope."
"But he has a nice smile."
"But he has a nice smile."
"I'll ask you round to the house some evening and you can meet him again."
"I'll invite you over one evening so you can meet him again."
"I'd like to," said Stella. "It would be a lot of fun."
"I'd love to," said Stella. "It sounds like a lot of fun."
"Come out Saturday evening and stay all night. He's home then."
"Come over Saturday night and stay the whole night. He's home then."
"I will," said Stella. "Won't that be fine!"
"I will," Stella said. "Won't that be great!"
"I believe you like him!" laughed Myrtle.
"I think you like him!" chuckled Myrtle.
"I think he's awfully nice," said Stella, simply.
"I think he's really nice," Stella said plainly.
The second meeting happened on Saturday evening as arranged, when he came home from his odd day at his father's insurance office. Stella had come to supper. Eugene saw her through the open sitting room door, as he bounded upstairs to change his clothes, for he had a fire of youth which no sickness of stomach or weakness of lungs could overcome at this age. A thrill of anticipation ran over his body. He took especial pains with his toilet, adjusting a red tie to a nicety, and parting his hair carefully in the middle. He came down after a while, conscious that he had to say something smart, worthy of himself, or she would not see how attractive he was; and yet he was fearful as to the result. When he entered the sitting room she was sitting with his sister before an open fire-place, the glow of a lamp with a red-flowered shade warmly illuminating the room. It was a commonplace room, with its blue cloth-covered center table, its chairs of stereotyped factory design, and its bookcase of novels and histories, but it was homey, and the sense of hominess was strong.
The second meeting took place on Saturday evening as planned, after he returned from his unusual day at his father's insurance office. Stella had come over for dinner. Eugene spotted her through the open sitting room door as he dashed upstairs to change his clothes, feeling an energy of youth that no stomachache or lung weakness could dampen at his age. A wave of excitement washed over him. He took extra care with his appearance, adjusting a red tie perfectly and parting his hair neatly in the middle. After a bit, he came down, aware that he needed to say something clever that would impress her; otherwise, she might not notice how attractive he was. Still, he was nervous about how it would go. When he entered the sitting room, she was sitting with his sister in front of a fireplace, the warm glow of a lamp with a red-flowered shade filling the room with light. It was an ordinary room, with its blue cloth-covered coffee table, factory-style chairs, and a bookcase filled with novels and history books, but it felt cozy, and the sense of home was strong.
Mrs. Witla was in and out occasionally, looking for things which appertained to her functions as house-mother. The father was not home yet; he would get there by supper-time, having been to some outlying town of the county trying to sell a machine. Eugene was indifferent to his presence or absence. Mr. Witla had a fund of humor which extended to joking with his son and daughters, when he was feeling good, to noting their budding interest in the opposite sex; to predicting some commonplace climax to their one grand passion when it should come. He was fond of telling Myrtle that she would one day marry a horse-doctor. As for Eugene, he predicted a certain Elsa Brown, who, his wife said, had greasy curls. This did not irritate either Myrtle or Eugene. It even brought a wry smile to Eugene's face for he was fond of a jest; but he saw his father pretty clearly even at this age. He saw the smallness of his business, the [Pg 16] ridiculousness of any such profession having any claim on him. He never wanted to say anything, but there was in him a burning opposition to the commonplace, a molten pit in a crater of reserve, which smoked ominously now and then for anyone who could have read. Neither his father nor his mother understood him. To them he was a peculiar boy, dreamy, sickly, unwitting, as yet, of what he really wanted.
Mrs. Witla was coming in and out every once in a while, looking for things related to her role as a house-mother. The father wasn’t home yet; he would be back by dinner time, having been to some distant town trying to sell a machine. Eugene didn’t care whether he was there or not. Mr. Witla had a sense of humor that included joking with his son and daughters when he was in a good mood, noticing their growing interest in the opposite sex, and predicting some ordinary conclusion to their one great love when it eventually happened. He liked to tell Myrtle that she would one day marry a veterinarian. As for Eugene, he predicted a certain Elsa Brown, who, according to his wife, had greasy curls. This didn’t bother either Myrtle or Eugene. It even brought a wry smile to Eugene’s face since he liked a good joke; but he saw his father pretty clearly even at this age. He recognized the smallness of his father’s business, the absurdity of any such job having any claim on him. He never wanted to voice it, but inside him was a strong resistance to the ordinary, like a molten pit in a crater of reserve, which occasionally smoked ominously for anyone who could read the signs. Neither his father nor his mother understood him. To them, he was a strange boy—dreamy, frail, and still unaware of what he truly wanted.
"Oh, here you are!" said Myrtle, when he came in. "Come and sit down."
"Oh, there you are!" said Myrtle when he walked in. "Come and take a seat."
Stella gave him an enticing smile.
Stella flashed him a tempting smile.
He walked to the mantel-piece and stood there, posing. He wanted to impress this girl, and he did not quite know how. He was almost lost for anything to say.
He walked over to the mantelpiece and stood there, posing. He wanted to impress this girl, but he wasn't sure how. He was almost at a loss for words.
"You can't guess what we've been doing!" his sister chirped helpfully.
"You won't believe what we've been up to!" his sister said cheerfully.
"Well—what?" he replied blankly.
"Well—what?" he replied blankly.
"You ought to guess. Can't you be nice and guess?"
"You should take a guess. Can't you just be nice and guess?"
"One guess, anyhow," put in Stella.
"Just a guess, anyway," Stella chimed in.
"Toasting pop-corn," he ventured with a half smile.
"Toasting popcorn," he said with a half-smile.
"You're warm." It was Myrtle speaking.
"You're warm." It was Myrtle talking.
Stella looked at him with round blue eyes. "One more guess," she suggested.
Stella looked at him with wide blue eyes. "One more guess," she suggested.
"Chestnuts!" he guessed.
"Chestnuts!" he guessed.
She nodded her head gaily. "What hair!" he thought. Then—"Where are they?"
She nodded her head happily. "What hair!" he thought. Then—"Where are they?"
"Here's one," laughed his new acquaintance, holding out a tiny hand.
"Here's one," laughed his new friend, reaching out a small hand.
Under her laughing encouragement he was finding his voice. "Stingy!" he said.
Under her playful encouragement, he was discovering his voice. "Cheap!" he said.
"Now isn't that mean," she exclaimed. "I gave him the only one I had. Don't you give him any of yours, Myrtle."
"Isn't that just cruel?" she exclaimed. "I gave him the only one I had. Don't give him any of yours, Myrtle."
"I take it back," he pleaded. "I didn't know."
"I take it back," he begged. "I didn't know."
"I won't!" exclaimed Myrtle. "Here, Stella," and she held out the few nuts she had left, "take these, and don't you give him any!" She put them in Stella's eager hands.
"I won't!" Myrtle exclaimed. "Here, Stella," and she held out the few nuts she had left, "take these, and don’t you give him any!" She placed them in Stella's eager hands.
He saw her meaning. It was an invitation to a contest. She wanted him to try to make her give him some. He fell in with her plan.
He understood her meaning. It was an invitation to a challenge. She wanted him to try to get her to give him some. He went along with her plan.
"Here!" He stretched out his palm. "That's not right!"
"Here!" He held out his hand. "That's not right!"
She shook her head.
She shrugged.
"One, anyhow," he insisted.
"One, anyway," he insisted.
Her head moved negatively from side to side slowly.
Her head slowly shook from side to side.
"One," he pleaded, drawing near.
"One," he begged, moving closer.
Again the golden negative. But her hand was at the side [Pg 17] nearest him, where he could seize it. She started to pass its contents behind her to the other hand but he jumped and caught it.
Again the golden negative. But her hand was at the side [Pg 17] nearest him, where he could grab it. She began to transfer its contents to her other hand, but he leaped and caught it.
"Myrtle! Quick!" she called.
"Myrtle! Hurry!" she called.
Myrtle came. It was a three-handed struggle. In the midst of the contest Stella twisted and rose to her feet. Her hair brushed his face. He held her tiny hand firmly. For a moment he looked into her eyes. What was it? He could not say. Only he half let go and gave her the victory.
Myrtle showed up. It turned into a three-way struggle. In the heat of the contest, Stella twisted around and stood up. Her hair swept across his face. He held her small hand tightly. For a moment, he gazed into her eyes. What was it? He couldn't tell. He only loosened his grip slightly and surrendered the win to her.
"There," she smiled. "Now I'll give you one."
"There," she smiled. "Now I’ll give you one."
He took it, laughing. What he wanted was to take her in his arms.
He took it, laughing. What he really wanted was to hold her in his arms.
A little while before supper his father came in and sat down, but presently took a Chicago paper and went into the dining room to read. Then his mother called them to the table, and he sat by Stella. He was intensely interested in what she did and said. If her lips moved he noted just how. When her teeth showed he thought they were lovely. A little ringlet on her forehead beckoned him like a golden finger. He felt the wonder of the poetic phrase, "the shining strands of her hair."
A little while before dinner, his dad came in and sat down, but then he grabbed a Chicago newspaper and went into the dining room to read. Then his mom called them to the table, and he sat next to Stella. He was completely fascinated by everything she did and said. Every time her lips moved, he paid close attention. When her teeth showed, he thought they were beautiful. A small curl on her forehead seemed to reach out to him like a golden finger. He felt the magic of the phrase, "the shining strands of her hair."
After dinner he and Myrtle and Stella went back to the sitting room. His father stayed behind to read, his mother to wash dishes. Myrtle left the room after a bit to help her mother, and then these two were left alone. He hadn't much to say, now that they were together—he couldn't talk. Something about her beauty kept him silent.
After dinner, he, Myrtle, and Stella went back to the living room. His dad stayed behind to read, while his mom washed the dishes. After a while, Myrtle left to help her mom, leaving just the two of them alone. He didn’t have much to say now that they were together—he just couldn’t talk. There was something about her beauty that made him silent.
"Do you like school?" she asked after a time. She felt as if they must talk.
"Do you like school?" she asked after a while. She felt like they needed to talk.
"Only fairly well," he replied. "I'm not much interested. I think I'll quit one of these days and go to work."
"Only somewhat," he said. "I'm not really that interested. I think I'll quit soon and get a job."
"What do you expect to do?"
"What do you plan to do?"
"I don't know yet—I'd like to be an artist." He confessed his ambition for the first time in his life—why, he could not have said.
"I don't know yet—I’d like to be an artist." He shared his ambition for the first time in his life—why, he couldn’t really say.
Stella took no note of it.
Stella didn't pay any attention to it.
"I was afraid they wouldn't let me enter second year high school, but they did," she remarked. "The superintendent at Moline had to write the superintendent here."
"I was worried they wouldn't let me move up to second year high school, but they did," she said. "The superintendent at Moline had to contact the superintendent here."
"They're mean about those things," he cogitated.
"They're really harsh about those things," he thought.
She got up and went to the bookcase to look at the books. He followed after a little.
She stood up and walked over to the bookshelf to check out the books. He followed her after a moment.
"Do you like Dickens?" she asked.
"Do you like Dickens?" she asked.
He nodded his head solemnly in approval. "Pretty much," he said.
He nodded his head seriously in agreement. "Pretty much," he said.
[Pg 18] "I can't like him. He's too long drawn out. I like Scott better."
[Pg 18] "I can't stand him. He's too boring. I prefer Scott."
"I like Scott," he said.
"I like Scott," he said.
"I'll tell you a lovely book that I like." She paused, her lips parted trying to remember the name. She lifted her hand as though to pick the title out of the air. "The Fair God," she exclaimed at last.
"I'll tell you about a great book that I love." She paused, her lips parting as she tried to remember the name. She lifted her hand as if to grab the title from the air. "The Fair God," she finally exclaimed.
"Yes—it's fine," he approved. "I thought the scene in the old Aztec temple where they were going to sacrifice Ahwahee was so wonderful!"
"Yeah—it's good," he said. "I thought the scene in the old Aztec temple where they were about to sacrifice Ahwahee was really amazing!"
"Oh, yes, I liked that," she added. She pulled out "Ben Hur" and turned its leaves idly. "And this was so good."
"Oh, yes, I liked that," she said. She took out "Ben Hur" and flipped through its pages absentmindedly. "And this was really good."
"Wonderful!"
"Awesome!"
They paused and she went to the window, standing under the cheap lace curtains. It was a moonlight night. The rows of trees that lined the street on either side were leafless; the grass brown and dead. Through the thin, interlaced twigs that were like silver filigree they could see the lamps of other houses shining through half-drawn blinds. A man went by, a black shadow in the half-light.
They stopped and she walked over to the window, standing under the cheap lace curtains. It was a night lit by the moon. The rows of trees lining the street on either side were bare; the grass was brown and dead. Through the thin, crisscrossed twigs that looked like silver filigree, they could see the lights from other houses shining through half-closed blinds. A man passed by, a dark silhouette in the dim light.
"Isn't it lovely?" she said.
"Isn't it beautiful?" she said.
Eugene came near. "It's fine," he answered.
Eugene approached. "It's all good," he replied.
"I wish it were cold enough to skate. Do you skate?" She turned to him.
"I wish it was cold enough to skate. Do you skate?" She turned to him.
"Yes, indeed," he replied.
"Yes, definitely," he replied.
"My, it's so nice on a moonlit night. I used to skate a lot at Moline."
"My, it's so beautiful on a moonlit night. I used to skate a lot at Moline."
"We skate a lot here. There're two lakes, you know."
"We skate a lot here. There are two lakes, you know."
He thought of the clear crystal nights when the ice of Green Lake had split every so often with a great resounding rumble. He thought of the crowds of boys and girls shouting, the distant shadows, the stars. Up to now he had never found any girl to skate with successfully. He had never felt just easy with anyone. He had tried it, but once he had fallen with a girl, and it had almost cured him of skating forever. He felt as though he could skate with Stella. He felt that she might like to skate with him.
He remembered the clear, crystal nights when the ice on Green Lake would crack with a loud rumble. He thought about the groups of boys and girls shouting, the distant shadows, and the stars. Until now, he had never successfully found a girl to skate with. He had never felt comfortable with anyone. He had given it a shot, but after falling with a girl once, it almost made him give up skating for good. He felt like he could skate with Stella. He thought she might want to skate with him.
"When it gets colder we might go," he ventured. "Myrtle skates."
"When it gets colder, we might go," he suggested. "Myrtle skates."
"Oh, that'll be fine!" she applauded.
"Oh, that sounds great!" she cheered.
Still she looked out into the street.
Still she looked out into the street.
After a bit she came back to the fire and stood before him, pensively looking down.
After a while, she returned to the fire and stood in front of him, lost in thought as she looked down.
"Do you think your father will stay here?" he asked.
"Do you think your dad will stick around?" he asked.
"Do you?"
"Do you?"
"Yes—now."
"Yes—right now."
"Why now?"
"Why now?"
"Oh, I didn't like it at first."
"Oh, I didn't like it at first."
"Why?"
"Why?"
"Oh, I guess it was because I didn't know anybody. I like it though, now." She lifted her eyes.
"Oh, I think it was because I didn't know anyone. But I like it now." She lifted her eyes.
He drew a little nearer.
He moved a bit closer.
"It's a nice place," he said, "but there isn't much for me here. I think I'll leave next year."
"It's a nice place," he said, "but there's not much for me here. I think I'll leave next year."
"Where do you think you'll go?"
"Where do you think you’re going?"
"To Chicago. I don't want to stay here."
"To Chicago. I don't want to be here."
She turned her body toward the fire and he moved to a chair behind her, leaning on its back. She felt him there rather close, but did not move. He was surprising himself.
She turned her body toward the fire, and he moved to a chair behind her, leaning on the back. She felt him really close but didn’t move. He was surprising himself.
"Aren't you ever coming back?" she asked.
"Aren't you going to come back?" she asked.
"Maybe. It all depends. I suppose so."
"Maybe. It all depends. I guess so."
"I shouldn't think you'd want to leave yet."
"I don't think you'd want to leave just yet."
"Why?"
"Why?"
"You say it's so nice."
"You say it's great."
He made no answer and she looked over her shoulder. He was leaning very much toward her.
He didn't respond, and she glanced back. He was leaning in very close to her.
"Will you skate with me this winter?" he asked meaningly.
"Will you go skating with me this winter?" he asked earnestly.
She nodded her head.
She nodded.
Myrtle came in.
Myrtle entered.
"What are you two talking about?" she asked.
"What are you two talking about?" she asked.
"The fine skating we have here," he said.
"The great skating we have here," he said.
"I love to skate," she exclaimed.
"I love skating!" she said.
"So do I," added Stella. "It's heavenly."
"Me too," Stella added. "It's amazing."
CHAPTER II
Some of the incidents of this courtship that followed, ephemeral as it was, left a profound impression on Eugene's mind. They met to skate not long after, for the snow came and the ice and there was wonderful skating on Green Lake. The frost was so prolonged that men with horses and ice-saws were cutting blocks a foot thick over at Miller's Point, where the ice houses were. Almost every day after Thanksgiving there were crowds of boys and girls from the schools scooting about like water skippers. Eugene could not always go on week evenings and Saturdays because he had to assist his father at the store. But at regular intervals he could ask Myrtle to get Stella and let them all go together at night. And at other times he would ask her to go alone. Not infrequently she did.
Some of the moments from this courtship, brief as it was, made a strong impression on Eugene. Not long after, they met to skate, as the snow had arrived and the ice was perfect for skating on Green Lake. The frost lasted so long that men with horses and ice saws were cutting blocks a foot thick over at Miller's Point, where the icehouses were. Almost every day after Thanksgiving, there were groups of boys and girls from school zooming around like water skippers. Eugene couldn't always go on weekday evenings and Saturdays because he had to help his dad at the store. But regularly, he could ask Myrtle to grab Stella, and they would all go out together at night. Other times, he would invite her to go out just the two of them, and she often agreed.
On one particular occasion they were below a group of houses which crept near the lake on high ground. The moon was up, its wooing rays reflected in the polished surfaces of the ice. Through the black masses of trees that lined the shore could be seen the glow of windows, yellow and homey. Eugene and Stella had slowed up to turn about, having left the crowd of skaters some distance back. Stella's golden curls were covered, except for a few ringlets, with a French cap; her body, to below the hips, encased in a white wool Jersey, close-fitting and shapely. The skirt below was a grey mixture of thick wool and the stockings were covered by white woolen leggings. She looked tempting and knew it.
On one occasion, they found themselves below a cluster of houses perched on high ground near the lake. The moon was up, casting its enchanting rays that shimmered on the smooth ice. Through the dark clumps of trees lining the shore, the warm glow of yellow windows could be seen, creating a cozy feeling. Eugene and Stella had slowed down to turn back, having left the crowd of skaters behind them. Stella's golden curls were mostly hidden under a French cap, with a few ringlets peeking out; her body was dressed in a form-fitting white wool jersey that accentuated her shape, reaching down just below her hips. Her skirt was a thick, grey wool blend, and her legs were clad in white woolen leggings. She looked irresistible and she knew it.
Suddenly, as they turned, one of her skates came loose and she hobbled and exclaimed about it. "Wait," said Eugene, "I'll fix it."
Suddenly, as they turned, one of her skates came loose and she wobbled and called out about it. "Hold on," said Eugene, "I'll fix it."
She stood before him and he fell to his knees, undoing the twisted strap. When he had the skate off and ready for her foot he looked up, and she looked down on him, smiling. He dropped the skate and flung his arms around her hips, laying his head against her waist.
She stood in front of him and he sank to his knees, unfastening the twisted strap. Once he had the skate off and ready for her foot, he looked up, and she looked down at him, smiling. He let the skate drop and wrapped his arms around her hips, resting his head against her waist.
"You're a bad boy," she said.
"You're a bad boy," she said.
For a few minutes she kept silent, for as the center of this lovely scene she was divine. While he held her she pulled off his wool cap and laid her hand on his hair. It almost brought tears to his eyes, he was so happy. At the same time it awakened a tremendous passion. He clutched her significantly.
For a few minutes, she stayed quiet, because in the middle of this beautiful scene, she felt like a goddess. While he held her, she took off his wool cap and placed her hand on his hair. It almost brought tears to his eyes; he was so happy. At the same time, it stirred up a deep passion. He held her tightly, with meaning.
He got up to hug her but she would not let him.
He stood up to hug her, but she wouldn't allow it.
"No, no," she protested. "You mustn't do like that. I won't come with you if you do."
"No, no," she protested. "You can't do that. I won't go with you if you do."
"Oh, Stella!" he pleaded.
"Oh, Stella!" he begged.
"I mean it," she insisted. "You mustn't do like that."
"I mean it," she insisted. "You shouldn't do it like that."
He subsided, hurt, half angry. But he feared her will. She was really not as ready for caresses as he had thought.
He fell silent, feeling hurt and half angry. But he was scared of her will. She wasn't as open to affection as he had believed.
Another time a sleighing party was given by some school girls, and Stella, Eugene and Myrtle were invited. It was a night of snow and stars, not too cold but bracing. A great box-wagon had been dismantled of its body and the latter put on runners and filled with straw and warm robes. Eugene and Myrtle, like the others, had been picked up at their door after the sleigh had gone the rounds of some ten peaceful little homes. Stella was not in yet, but in a little while her house was reached.
Another time, some schoolgirls organized a sleighing party, and Stella, Eugene, and Myrtle were invited. It was a night filled with snow and stars, not too cold but refreshing. A big box wagon had been stripped of its body and put on runners, then filled with straw and warm blankets. Eugene and Myrtle, like the others, had been picked up at their door after the sleigh had gone around to about ten cozy little homes. Stella wasn’t home yet, but soon they arrived at her house.
"Get in here," called Myrtle, though she was half the length of the box away from Eugene. Her request made him angry. "Sit by me," he called, fearful that she would not. She climbed in by Myrtle but finding the space not to her liking moved farther down. Eugene made a special effort to have room by him, and she came there as though by accident. He drew a buffalo robe around her and thrilled to think that she was really there. The sleigh went jingling around the town for others, and finally struck out into the country. It passed great patches of dark woods silent in the snow, little white frame farmhouses snuggled close to the ground, and with windows that gleamed in a vague romantic way. The stars were countless and keen. The whole scene made a tremendous impression on him, for he was in love, and here beside him, in the shadow, her face palely outlined, was this girl. He could make out the sweetness of her cheek, her eyes, the softness of her hair.
"Come over here," Myrtle called, even though she was halfway down the box from Eugene. Her request frustrated him. "Sit with me," he shouted, worried she might not. She climbed in beside Myrtle but, not liking the space, moved further down. Eugene made a point to create room next to him, and she eventually came over as if by chance. He wrapped a buffalo robe around her and felt a thrill realizing she was really there. The sleigh jangled through the town for others and eventually headed out into the countryside. They passed large patches of dark woods silent under the snow, cozy little white farmhouses nestled close to the ground, their windows shining softly in a dreamy way. The stars were countless and bright. The whole scene left a powerful impression on him because he was in love, and right beside him, in the shadow, her face softly illuminated, was this girl. He could see the sweetness of her cheek, her eyes, and the softness of her hair.
There was a good deal of chatter and singing, and in the midst of these distractions he managed to slip an arm about her waist, to get her hand in his, to look close into her eyes, trying to divine their expression. She was always coy with him, not wholly yielding. Three or four times he kissed her cheek furtively and once her mouth. In a dark place he pulled her vigorously to him, putting a long, sensuous kiss on her lips that frightened her.
There was a lot of talking and singing, and among all the distractions, he managed to wrap an arm around her waist, take her hand in his, and look deep into her eyes, trying to read how she felt. She was always shy with him, not completely giving in. Three or four times, he quickly kissed her cheek and once her lips. In a dark spot, he pulled her close, giving her a long, intense kiss that scared her.
"No," she protested, nervously. "You mustn't."
"No," she said nervously. "You can't."
He ceased for a time, feeling that he had pressed his advantage too closely. But the night in all its beauty, and she in hers made a lasting impression.
He stopped for a while, sensing that he had pushed his luck too far. But the beauty of the night and hers left a strong impression.
[Pg 22] "I think we ought to get Eugene into newspaper work or something like that," Witla senior suggested to his wife.
[Pg 22] "I think we should get Eugene into journalism or something like that," Witla senior suggested to his wife.
"It looks as though that's all he would be good for, at least now," replied Mrs. Witla, who was satisfied that her boy had not yet found himself. "I think he'll do something better later on. His health isn't very good, you know."
"It seems like that's all he's useful for right now," replied Mrs. Witla, who felt relieved that her son hadn't figured himself out yet. "I believe he'll accomplish something better down the line. His health isn't great, you know."
Witla half suspected that his boy was naturally lazy, but he wasn't sure. He suggested that Benjamin C. Burgess, the prospective father-in-law of Sylvia and the editor and proprietor of the Morning Appeal, might give him a place as a reporter or type-setter in order that he might learn the business from the ground up. The Appeal carried few employees, but Mr. Burgess might have no objections to starting Eugene as a reporter if he could write, or as a student of type-setting, or both. He appealed to Burgess one day on the street.
Witla half suspected that his son was just naturally lazy, but he wasn't sure. He suggested that Benjamin C. Burgess, Sylvia's prospective father-in-law and the editor and owner of the Morning Appeal, might give him a job as a reporter or typesetter so he could learn the business from the ground up. The Appeal employed only a few people, but Mr. Burgess might not mind starting Eugene as a reporter if he could write, or as a student of typesetting, or even both. One day, he approached Burgess while they were on the street.
"Say, Burgess," he said, "you wouldn't have a place over in your shop for that boy of mine, would you? He likes to scribble a little, I notice. I think he pretends to draw a little, too, though I guess it doesn't amount to much. He ought to get into something. He isn't doing anything at school. Maybe he could learn type-setting. It wouldn't hurt him to begin at the bottom if he's going to follow that line. It wouldn't matter what you paid him to begin with."
"Hey, Burgess," he said, "you wouldn't have a spot at your shop for my son, would you? I've noticed he likes to doodle a bit. I think he pretends to draw, too, though it probably doesn't amount to much. He needs to get involved in something. He isn't doing much at school. Maybe he could learn typesetting. It wouldn't hurt him to start from the ground up if that's the direction he's headed. It wouldn't matter what you paid him at first."
Burgess thought. He had seen Eugene around town, knew no harm of him except that he was lackadaisical and rather moody.
Burgess thought. He had seen Eugene around town and didn’t think much of him, except that he was laid-back and somewhat moody.
"Send him in to see me some day," he replied noncommittally. "I might do something for him."
"Have him come to see me sometime," he said casually. "I might be able to help him out."
"I'd certainly be much obliged to you if you would," said Witla. "He is not doing much good as it is now," and the two men parted.
"I'd really appreciate it if you could," said Witla. "He's not being very helpful right now," and the two men went their separate ways.
He went home and told Eugene. "Burgess says he might give you a position as a type-setter or a reporter on the Appeal if you'd come in and see him some day," he explained, looking over to where his son was reading by the lamp.
He went home and told Eugene, "Burgess said he might offer you a job as a typesetter or a reporter at the Appeal if you come in to see him one day," he explained, glancing over at his son who was reading by the lamp.
"Does he?" replied Eugene calmly. "Well, I can't write. I might set type. Did you ask him?"
"Does he?" Eugene replied calmly. "Well, I can't write. I could set type. Did you ask him?"
"Yes," said Witla. "You'd better go to him some day."
"Yeah," said Witla. "You should definitely visit him someday."
Eugene bit his lip. He realized this was a commentary on his loafing propensities. He wasn't doing very well, that was certain. Still type-setting was no bright field for a person of his temperament. "I will," he concluded, "when school's over."
Eugene bit his lip. He understood this was a critique of his tendency to be lazy. He wasn't doing very well, that was for sure. Still, typesetting wasn’t exactly a great fit for someone like him. "I will," he concluded, "when school's done."
"Better speak before school ends. Some of the other fellows [Pg 23] might ask for it around that time. It wouldn't hurt you to try your hand at it."
"Better say something before school ends. Some of the other guys [Pg 23] might want to know about it then. It wouldn't hurt to give it a shot."
"I will," said Eugene obediently.
"I will," Eugene said obediently.
He stopped in one sunny April afternoon at Mr. Burgess' office. It was on the ground floor of the three-story Appeal building in the public square. Mr. Burgess, a fat man, slightly bald, looked at him quizzically over his steel rimmed spectacles. What little hair he had was gray.
He stopped one sunny April afternoon at Mr. Burgess' office. It was on the ground floor of the three-story Appeal building in the public square. Mr. Burgess, a plump man with a slight bald spot, looked at him curiously over his steel-rimmed glasses. The little hair he had left was gray.
"So you think you would like to go into the newspaper business, do you?" queried Burgess.
"So you think you want to get into the newspaper business, huh?" asked Burgess.
"I'd like to try my hand at it," replied the boy. "I'd like to see whether I like it."
"I want to give it a shot," said the boy. "I want to see if I enjoy it."
"I can tell you right now there's very little in it. Your father says you like to write."
"I can tell you right now there’s not much to it. Your dad says you enjoy writing."
"I'd like to well enough, but I don't think I can. I wouldn't mind learning type-setting. If I ever could write I'd be perfectly willing to."
"I'd like to do it well enough, but I don't think I can. I wouldn't mind learning typesetting. If I ever could write, I'd be totally willing to."
"When do you think you'd like to start?"
"When do you think you’d like to start?"
"At the end of school, if it's all the same to you."
"After school, if that works for you."
"It doesn't make much difference. I'm not really in need of anybody, but I could use you. Would you be satisfied with five a week?"
"It doesn't really matter. I don't necessarily need anyone, but I could use your help. Would you be okay with five a week?"
"Yes, sir."
"Sure thing."
"Well, come in when you are ready. I'll see what I can do."
"Alright, come in when you're ready. I'll see what I can do."
He waved the prospective type-setter away with a movement of his fat hand, and turned to his black walnut desk, dingy, covered with newspapers, and lit by a green shaded electric light. Eugene went out, the smell of fresh printing ink in his nose, and the equally aggressive smell of damp newspapers. It was going to be an interesting experience, he thought, but perhaps a waste of time. He did not think so much of Alexandria. Some time he was going to get out of it.
He waved the hopeful typesetter away with a flick of his chubby hand and turned to his dark walnut desk, which was grimy and cluttered with newspapers, illuminated by a green-shaded electric lamp. Eugene stepped outside, the scent of fresh printing ink lingering in his nose, mingling with the strong odor of damp newspapers. He thought it would be an interesting experience, but maybe a waste of time. He didn’t have a high opinion of Alexandria. One day, he planned to get out of there.
The office of the Appeal was not different from that of any other country newspaper office within the confines of our two hemispheres. On the ground floor in front was the business office, and in the rear the one large flat bed press and the job presses. On the second floor was the composing room with its rows of type cases on their high racks—for this newspaper was, like most other country newspapers, still set by hand; and in front was the one dingy office of the so-called editor, or managing editor, or city editor—for all three were the same person, a Mr. Caleb Williams whom Burgess had picked up in times past from heaven knows where. Williams was a small, lean, wiry man, with a black pointed beard and a glass eye which fixed you oddly [Pg 24] with its black pupil. He was talkative, skipped about from duty to duty, wore most of the time a green shade pulled low over his forehead, and smoked a brown briar pipe. He had a fund of knowledge, piled up in metropolitan journalistic experience, but he was anchored here with a wife and three children, after sailing, no doubt, a chartless sea of troubles, and was glad to talk life and experiences after office hours with almost anybody. It took him from eight in the morning until two in the afternoon to gather what local news there was, and either write it or edit it. He seemed to have a number of correspondents who sent him weekly batches of news from surrounding points. The Associated Press furnished him with a few minor items by telegraph, and there was a "patent insides," two pages of fiction, household hints, medicine ads. and what not, which saved him considerable time and stress. Most of the news which came to him received short shrift in the matter of editing. "In Chicago we used to give a lot of attention to this sort of thing," Williams was wont to declare to anyone who was near, "but you can't do it down here. The readers really don't expect it. They're looking for local items. I always look after the local items pretty sharp."
The office of the Appeal was just like any other country newspaper office in our two hemispheres. On the ground floor in the front was the business office, and in the back was the large flatbed press and the job presses. On the second floor was the composing room with its rows of type cases on tall racks—this newspaper was, like most country papers, still set by hand. Up front was the dingy office of the so-called editor, managing editor, or city editor; all three were the same person, a Mr. Caleb Williams, whom Burgess had brought in from who knows where. Williams was a small, lean, wiry guy with a black pointed beard and a glass eye that strangely fixed its black pupil on you. He was talkative, bounced around from task to task, wore a green shade pulled down over his forehead most of the time, and smoked a brown briar pipe. He had a wealth of knowledge from his time in big-city journalism, but he was anchored here with a wife and three kids after likely navigating a stormy sea of troubles, and was happy to chat about life and experiences after work with almost anyone. He spent from eight in the morning until two in the afternoon gathering the local news and either writing it or editing it. He seemed to have a handful of correspondents who sent him weekly batches of news from nearby areas. The Associated Press gave him a few minor items by telegraph, and there was a "patent insides," two pages of fiction, household tips, medicine ads, and more, which saved him a lot of time and effort. Most of the news that came his way didn’t get much editing. "In Chicago, we used to pay a lot of attention to this kind of thing," Williams would often say to anyone nearby, "but you can't do that down here. The readers really don't expect it. They're looking for local news. I always keep a close eye on the local items."
Mr. Burgess took care of the advertising sections. In fact he solicited advertising personally, saw that it was properly set up as the advertiser wanted it, and properly placed according to the convenience of the day and the rights and demands of others. He was the politician of the concern, the handshaker, the guider of its policy. He wrote editorials now and then, or, with Williams, decided just what their sense must be, met the visitors who came to the office to see the editor, and arbitrated all known forms of difficulties. He was at the beck and call of certain Republican party-leaders in the county; but that seemed natural, for he was a Republican himself by temperament and disposition. He was appointed postmaster once to pay him for some useful services, but he declined because he was really making more out of his paper than his postmastership would have brought. He received whatever city or county advertising it was in the power of the Republican leaders to give him, and so he did very well. The complications of his political relationships Williams knew in part, but they never troubled that industrious soul. He dispensed with moralizing. "I have to make a living for myself, my wife and three children. That's enough to keep me going without bothering my head about other people." So this office was really run very quietly, efficiently, and in most ways pleasantly. It was a sunny place to work.
Mr. Burgess handled the advertising sections. He personally reached out for ads, ensured they were set up the way the advertisers wanted, and placed them according to the convenience of the day and the needs of others. He was the politician of the business, the one who shook hands and guided its policies. Occasionally, he wrote editorials or, with Williams, determined what their message should be. He met with visitors who came to see the editor and managed all sorts of issues. He was often at the service of certain Republican leaders in the county, which made sense since he was naturally inclined to the Republican side. He was once appointed postmaster as a reward for some useful services, but he turned it down because he was actually earning more from his newspaper than he would have made in that position. He received whatever city or county ads the Republican leaders could provide, so he did quite well. Williams partly understood the complexities of his political connections, but they never bothered his hardworking spirit. He skipped the moralizing, saying, "I have to support myself, my wife, and three kids. That’s enough to focus on without worrying about anyone else." So, this office was really run quietly, efficiently, and in most ways, pleasantly. It was a bright place to work.
[Pg 25] Witla, who came here at the end of his eleventh school year and when he had just turned seventeen, was impressed with the personality of Mr. Williams. He liked him. He came to like a Jonas Lyle who worked at what might be called the head desk of the composing room, and a certain John Summers who worked at odd times—whenever there was an extra rush of job printing. He learned very quickly that John Summers, who was fifty-five, grey, and comparatively silent, was troubled with weak lungs and drank. Summers would slip out of the office at various times in the day and be gone from five to fifteen minutes. No one ever said anything, for there was no pressure here. What work was to be done was done. Jonas Lyle was of a more interesting nature. He was younger by ten years, stronger, better built, but still a character. He was semi-phlegmatic, philosophic, feebly literary. He had worked, as Eugene found out in the course of time, in nearly every part of the United States—Denver, Portland, St. Paul, St. Louis, where not, and had a fund of recollections of this proprietor and that. Whenever he saw a name of particular distinction in the newspapers he was apt to bring the paper to Williams—and later, when they became familiar, to Eugene—and say, "I knew that fellow out in——. He was postmaster (or what not) at X——. He's come up considerably since I knew him." In most cases he did not know these celebrities personally at all, but he knew of them, and the echo of their fame sounding in this out-of-the-way corner of the world impressed him. He was a careful reader of proof for Williams in a rush, a quick type-setter, a man who stayed by his tasks faithfully. But he hadn't got anywhere in the world, for, after all, he was little more than a machine. Eugene could see that at a glance.
[Pg 25] Witla, who arrived here at the end of his eleventh school year and had just turned seventeen, was struck by Mr. Williams's personality. He liked him. He also grew fond of Jonas Lyle, who worked at what could be called the main desk of the composing room, and a guy named John Summers, who pitched in whenever there was a surge of job printing. He quickly learned that John Summers, fifty-five, gray, and relatively quiet, had weak lungs and was a drinker. Summers would sneak out of the office at different times during the day and be gone for five to fifteen minutes. No one commented on it since there was no pressure here. The work that needed to be done was done. Jonas Lyle was more interesting. He was ten years younger, stronger, and better built, but still a character. He had a laid-back, philosophical attitude and a bit of a literary vibe. Over time, Eugene discovered that Jonas had worked in nearly every part of the United States—Denver, Portland, St. Paul, St. Louis, and more—and carried a wealth of stories about different owners. Whenever he spotted a notable name in the newspaper, he would bring the paper to Williams—and later, when they became more familiar, to Eugene—and say, "I knew that guy from——. He was postmaster (or whatever) at X——. He's really made a name for himself since I knew him." In most instances, he didn’t know these celebrities personally, but he was familiar with their stories, and the glimpse of their fame resonating in this remote corner of the world fascinated him. He was a meticulous proofreader for Williams when things got busy, a fast typesetter, and a guy who stuck faithfully to his tasks. But he hadn't gotten far in life, as he was really just a machine. Eugene could see that at a glance.
It was Lyle who taught him the art of type-setting. He demonstrated the first day the theory of the squares or pockets in a case, how some letters were placed more conveniently to the hand than others, why some letters were well represented as to quantity, why capitals were used in certain offices for certain purposes, in others not. "Now on the Chicago Tribune we used to italicize the names of churches, boats, books, hotels, and things of that sort. That's the only paper I ever knew to do that," he remarked. What slugs, sticks, galleys, turnovers, meant, came rapidly to the surface. That the fingers would come to recognize weights of leads by the touch, that a letter would almost instinctively find its way back to its proper pocket, even though you were not thinking, once you became expert, were facts which he cheerfully communicated. He wanted his knowledge taken seriously, [Pg 26] and this serious attention, Eugene, because of his innate respect for learning of any kind, was only too glad to give him. He did not know what he wanted to do, but he knew quite well that he wanted to see everything. This shop was interesting to him for some little time for this reason, for though he soon found that he did not want to be a type-setter or a reporter, or indeed anything much in connection with a country newspaper, he was learning about life. He worked at his desk cheerfully, smiling out upon the world, which indicated its presence to him through an open window, read the curious bits of news or opinion or local advertisements as he set them up, and dreamed of what the world might have in store for him. He was not vastly ambitious as yet, but hopeful and, withal, a little melancholy. He could see boys and girls whom he knew, idling in the streets or on the corner squares; he could see where Ted Martinwood was driving by in his father's buggy, or George Anderson was going up the street with the air of someone who would never need to work. George's father owned the one and only hotel. There were thoughts in his mind of fishing, boating, lolling somewhere with some pretty girl, but alas, girls did not apparently take to him so very readily. He was too shy. He thought it must be nice to be rich. So he dreamed.
It was Lyle who taught him how to set type. He showed him on the first day the theory of the squares or pockets in a type case, how some letters were easier to reach than others, why some letters were better represented in terms of quantity, and why capitals were used in some places for specific reasons and not in others. "At the Chicago Tribune, we used to italicize the names of churches, boats, books, hotels, and things like that. That's the only paper I ever knew that did that," he noted. Terms like slugs, sticks, galleys, and turnovers quickly became clear. He explained that your fingers would learn to recognize the weight of leads just by touch, that a letter would almost automatically return to its right pocket without you even thinking about it, once you became skilled. He wanted his knowledge to be taken seriously, and Eugene, because of his natural respect for learning, was more than happy to give him that attention. He wasn’t sure what he wanted to do, but he knew he wanted to see everything. This shop fascinated him for a while because even though he soon realized he didn’t want to be a type-setter or a reporter, or really anything much connected to a country newspaper, he was learning about life. He worked at his desk with a smile, looking out at the world through an open window, reading the odd bits of news or opinions or local ads as he set them up, and dreaming of what the world might have in store for him. He wasn’t particularly ambitious yet, but he was hopeful and, at times, a little sad. He could see kids he knew hanging out in the streets or in the town squares; he noticed Ted Martinwood driving by in his dad's buggy, or George Anderson strolling up the street with the confidence of someone who would never have to work. George's dad owned the only hotel in town. Thoughts of fishing, boating, and hanging out with a pretty girl crossed his mind, but sadly, girls didn’t seem to like him much. He was too shy. He thought it must be nice to be wealthy. So, he dreamed.
Eugene was at that age when he wished to express himself in ardent phrases. He was also at the age when bashfulness held him in reserve, even though he were in love and intensely emotional. He could only say to Stella what seemed trivial things, and look his intensity, whereas it was the trivial things that were most pleasing to her, not the intensity. She was even then beginning to think he was a little strange, a little too tense for her disposition. Yet she liked him. It became generally understood around town that Stella was his girl. School day mating usually goes that way in a small city or village. He was seen to go out with her. His father teased him. Her mother and father deemed this a manifestation of calf love, not so much on her part, for they were aware of her tendency to hold lightly any manifestation of affection on the part of boys, but on his. They thought his sentimentalism would soon be wearisome to Stella. And they were not far wrong about her. On one occasion at a party given by several high school girls, a "country post office" was organized. That was one of those games which mean kissing only. A system of guessing results in a series of forfeits. If you miss you must be postmaster, and call someone for "mail." Mail means to be kissed in a dark room (where the postmaster stands) by someone whom you like or who likes you. You, as postmaster, [Pg 27] have authority or compulsion—however you feel about it—to call whom you please.
Eugene was at that age when he wanted to express himself in passionate terms. He was also at the age when shyness held him back, even though he was in love and feeling very emotional. He could only tell Stella what seemed like small talk and convey his feelings through his gaze, but it was the little things that made her happy, not the emotional intensity. She was starting to think he was a bit odd, maybe a little too intense for her laid-back personality. Still, she liked him. It became common knowledge around town that Stella was his girl. Romantic pairings in high school usually play out like this in a small town. People saw them going out together. His father teased him about it. Her parents thought it was just a phase, not really believing it on her part since they knew she didn't take boys' affection too seriously, but they thought his sentimental side might soon annoy Stella. They weren't entirely wrong about her. One time at a party hosted by a few high school girls, they organized a "country post office" game. It was one of those games that meant kissing. A guessing game resulted in a series of penalties. If you guessed wrong, you had to be the postmaster and call someone for “mail.” Mail meant you had to be kissed in a dark room (where the postmaster stood) by someone you liked or who liked you. As postmaster, [Pg 27] you had the authority—or pressure, depending on how you saw it—to call anyone you wanted.
In this particular instance Stella, who was caught before Eugene, was under compulsion to call someone to kiss. Her first thought was of him, but on account of the frankness of the deed, and because there was a lurking fear in her of his eagerness, the name she felt impelled to speak was Harvey Rutter. Harvey was a handsome boy whom Stella had met after her first encounter with Eugene. He was not as yet fascinating to her, but pleasing. She had a coquettish desire to see what he was like. This was her first direct chance.
In this particular situation, Stella, who was caught before Eugene, felt pressured to call someone to kiss. Her first thought was of him, but because the act was so straightforward and she had a lingering fear of his eagerness, the name she felt forced to say was Harvey Rutter. Harvey was a good-looking guy Stella had met after her first encounter with Eugene. He wasn’t captivating to her yet, but he was attractive. She had a playful urge to see what he was like. This was her first direct opportunity.
He stepped gaily in, and Eugene was at once insane with jealousy. He could not understand why she should treat him in that way. When it came to his turn he called for Bertha Shoemaker, whom he admired, and who was sweet in a way, but who was as nothing to Stella in his estimation. The pain of kissing her when he really wanted the other girl was great. When he came out Stella saw moodiness in his eyes, but chose to ignore it. He was obviously half-hearted and downcast in his simulation of joy.
He walked in cheerfully, and Eugene was instantly consumed by jealousy. He couldn’t understand why she would treat him like that. When it was his turn, he asked for Bertha Shoemaker, whom he admired and who was nice in her own way, but she was nothing compared to Stella in his eyes. It hurt to kiss her when he really wanted the other girl. As he came out, Stella noticed the gloom in his eyes but decided to overlook it. He clearly wasn’t putting his heart into it and was downcast in his attempt to act happy.
A second chance came to her and this time she called him. He went, but was in a semi-defiant mood. He wanted to punish her. When they met in the dark she expected him to put his arms around her. Her own hands were up to about where his shoulders should be. Instead he only took hold of one of her arms with his hand and planted a chilly kiss on her lips. If he had only asked, "Why did you?" or held her close and pleaded with her not to treat him so badly, the relationship might have lasted longer. Instead he said nothing, and she grew defiant and she went out gaily. There was a strain of reserve running between them until the party broke up and he took her home.
A second chance came to her, and this time she called him. He came over but was in a half-defiant mood. He wanted to punish her. When they met in the dark, she expected him to wrap his arms around her. Her own hands were positioned about where his shoulders should be. Instead, he only grabbed one of her arms with his hand and planted a cold kiss on her lips. If he had just asked, "Why did you?" or held her close and begged her not to treat him so badly, the relationship might have lasted longer. Instead, he said nothing, and she became defiant and left cheerfully. There was a tension between them until the party ended and he took her home.
"You must be melancholy tonight," she remarked, after they had walked two blocks in complete silence. The streets were dark, and their feet sounded hollowly on the brick pavement.
"You seem a bit down tonight," she said after they had walked two blocks in total silence. The streets were dark, and their footsteps echoed on the brick pavement.
"Oh, I'm feeling all right," he replied moodily.
"Oh, I'm feeling fine," he replied in a sulky tone.
"I think it's awfully nice at the Weimers', we always have so much fun there."
"I think it's really great at the Weimers', we always have a blast there."
"Yes, lots of fun," he echoed contemptuously.
"Yeah, super fun," he replied with disdain.
"Oh, don't be so cross!" she flared. "You haven't any reason for fussing."
"Oh, don't be so upset!" she shot back. "You don't have any reason to be making a big deal out of this."
"Haven't I?"
"Have I not?"
"No, you haven't."
"No, you haven't."
"Well if that's the way you feel about it I suppose I haven't. I don't see it that way."
"Well, if that's how you feel about it, I guess I haven't. I don't see it that way."
[Pg 28] "Well, it doesn't make any difference to me how you see it."
[Pg 28] "Well, I don't care how you see it."
"Oh, doesn't it?"
"Oh, doesn't it?"
"No, it doesn't." Her head was up and she was angry.
"No, it doesn't." She held her head high, angry.
"Well I'm sure then it doesn't to me."
"Well, I'm sure it doesn't to me."
There was another silence which endured until they were almost home.
There was another silence that lasted until they were almost home.
"Are you coming to the sociable next Thursday?" he inquired. He was referring to a Methodist evening entertainment which, although he cared very little about it, was a convenience as it enabled him to see her and take her home. He was prompted to ask by the fear that an open rupture was impending.
"Are you coming to the get-together next Thursday?" he asked. He was talking about a Methodist evening event that, despite not being very important to him, was convenient because it let him see her and take her home. He felt the need to ask because he was worried that a breakup was on the horizon.
"No," she said. "I don't think I will."
"No," she said. "I don't think I will."
"Why not?"
"Why not?"
"I don't care to."
"I don't want to."
"I think you're mean," he said reprovingly.
"I think you're rude," he said disapprovingly.
"I don't care," she replied. "I think you're too bossy. I don't think I like you very much anyhow."
"I don't care," she said. "I think you're way too bossy. Honestly, I don’t think I like you that much anyway."
His heart contracted ominously.
His heart tightened ominously.
"You can do as you please," he persisted.
"You can do whatever you want," he insisted.
They reached her gate. It was his wont to kiss her in the shadow—to hold her tight for a few minutes in spite of her protests. Tonight, as they approached, he thought of doing it, but she gave him no chance. When they reached the gate she opened it quickly and slipped in. "Good-night," she called.
They arrived at her gate. He usually kissed her in the shadows—held her close for a few minutes despite her objections. Tonight, as they got closer, he considered doing it, but she didn’t give him the opportunity. When they reached the gate, she opened it quickly and slipped inside. "Good night," she called.
"Good-night," he said, and then as she reached her door, "Stella!"
"Good night," he said, and then as she reached her door, "Stella!"
It was open, and she slipped in. He stood in the dark, hurt, sore, oppressed. What should he do? He strolled home cudgelling his brain whether never to speak to or look at her again until she came to him, or to hunt her up and fight it all out with her. She was in the wrong, he knew that. When he went to bed he was grieving over it, and when he awoke it was with him all day.
It was open, and she walked in. He stood in the dark, feeling hurt, sore, and overwhelmed. What should he do? He walked home, racking his brain over whether to never speak to or look at her again until she came to him, or to seek her out and confront her about everything. He knew she was in the wrong. When he went to bed, he was upset about it, and when he woke up, it was on his mind all day.
He had been gaining rather rapidly as a student of type-setting, and to a certain extent of the theory of reporting, and he worked diligently and earnestly at his proposed trade. He loved to look out of the window and draw, though of late, after knowing Stella so well and coming to quarrel with her because of her indifference, there was little heart in it. This getting to the office, putting on an apron, and starting in on some local correspondence left over from the day before, or some telegraph copy which had been freshly filed on his hook, had its constructive value. Williams endeavored to use him on some local items of news as a reporter, but he was a slow worker and almost a failure at [Pg 29] getting all the facts. He did not appear to know how to interview anybody, and would come back with a story which needed to be filled in from other sources. He really did not understand the theory of news, and Williams could only make it partially clear to him. Mostly he worked at his case, but he did learn some things.
He had been progressing fairly quickly as a student of typesetting, and to some extent in the theory of reporting, and he worked hard and sincerely at his chosen trade. He enjoyed looking out the window and drawing, although lately, after getting to know Stella so well and starting to argue with her because of her indifference, he had lost his passion for it. Getting to the office, putting on an apron, and diving into some leftover local correspondence from the day before, or some fresh telegraph copy that had just arrived, had its benefits. Williams tried to assign him some local news items as a reporter, but he was slow and nearly ineffective at [Pg 29] gathering all the facts. He didn’t seem to know how to interview anyone and would return with a story that needed to be filled in from other sources. He didn’t really grasp the theory of news, and Williams could only explain it to him in part. Mostly, he focused on his own work, but he did learn a few things.
For one thing, the theory of advertising began to dawn on him. These local merchants put in the same ads. day after day, and many of them did not change them noticeably. He saw Lyle and Summers taking the same ads. which had appeared unchangingly from month to month in so far as their main features were concerned, and alter only a few words before returning them to the forms. He wondered at the sameness of them, and when, at last, they were given to him to revise he often wished he could change them a little. The language seemed so dull.
For one thing, he started to understand the theory behind advertising. These local merchants used the same ads day after day, and many of them didn’t change them much at all. He watched Lyle and Summers take the same ads that had stayed the same month after month, only tweaking a few words before sending them back to the forms. He was struck by how repetitive they were, and when he finally got them to revise, he often wished he could mix them up a bit. The language felt so boring.
"Why don't they ever put little drawings in these ads?" he asked Lyle one day. "Don't you think they'd look a little better?"
"Why don’t they ever include small drawings in these ads?" he asked Lyle one day. "Don’t you think they would look a bit nicer?"
"Oh, I don't know," replied Jonas. "They look pretty good. These people around here wouldn't want anything like that. They'd think it was too fancy." Eugene had seen and in a way studied the ads. in the magazines. They seemed so much more fascinating to him. Why couldn't newspaper ads. be different?
"Oh, I don't know," Jonas replied. "They look pretty good. The people around here wouldn't want anything like that. They'd think it was too fancy." Eugene had seen and, in a way, studied the ads in the magazines. They seemed so much more interesting to him. Why couldn't newspaper ads be different?
Still it was never given to him to trouble over this problem. Mr. Burgess dealt with the advertisers. He settled how the ads were to be. He never talked to Eugene or Summers about them, not always to Lyle. He would sometimes have Williams explain just what their character and layout was to be. Eugene was so young that Williams at first did not pay very much attention to him, but after a while he began to realize that there was a personality here, and then he would explain things,—why space had to be short for some items and long for others, why county news, news of small towns around Alexandria, and about people, was much more important financially to the paper than the correct reporting of the death of the sultan of Turkey. The most important thing was to get the local names right. "Don't ever misspell them," he once cautioned him. "Don't ever leave out a part of a name if you can help it. People are awfully sensitive about that. They'll stop their subscription if you don't watch out, and you won't know what's the matter."
Still, he was never bothered by this issue. Mr. Burgess handled the advertisers. He determined how the ads should look. He rarely discussed them with Eugene or Summers, and not always with Lyle. Sometimes, he would have Williams clarify the specifics of their design and layout. Eugene was so young that initially, Williams didn’t pay much attention to him, but eventually, he began to see that there was a personality here, and then he would explain things—why some items needed shorter space while others required longer, why county news and stories from small towns around Alexandria, along with information about people, were much more financially valuable to the paper than correctly reporting the death of the sultan of Turkey. The most crucial thing was to get the local names right. "Don't ever misspell them," he once warned. "Don't ever leave out a part of a name if you can help it. People are really sensitive about that. They'll cancel their subscription if you’re not careful, and you won’t even know why."
Eugene took all these things to heart. He wanted to see how the thing was done, though basically it seemed to be a little small. In fact people seemed a little small, mostly.
Eugene took all of this to heart. He wanted to see how it was done, even though it mostly seemed a bit insignificant. In fact, people felt a bit insignificant, for the most part.
One of the things that did interest him was to see the paper [Pg 30] put on the press and run off. He liked to help lock up the forms, and to see how they were imposed and registered. He liked to hear the press run, and to help carry the wet papers to the mailing tables and the distributing counter out in front. The paper hadn't a very large circulation but there was a slight hum of life about that time and he liked it. He liked the sense of getting his hands and face streaked and not caring, and of seeing his hair tousled, in the mirror. He tried to be useful and the various people on the paper came to like him, though he was often a little awkward and slow. He was not strong at this period and his stomach troubled him. He thought, too, that the smell of the ink might affect his lungs, though he did not seriously fear it. In the main it was interesting but small; there was a much larger world outside, he knew that. He hoped to go to it some day; he hoped to go to Chicago.
One of the things that he found interesting was watching the paper [Pg 30] get printed and come off the press. He enjoyed helping lock up the typesetting and seeing how everything was arranged and registered. He liked the sound of the press running and helping carry the wet papers to the mailing tables and the distribution counter out front. The paper didn't have a huge circulation, but there was a buzz of activity around that time, and he appreciated it. He liked the feeling of getting his hands and face messy and not caring, and seeing his hair messy in the mirror. He tried to be helpful, and the various people at the paper grew to like him, even though he was often a bit clumsy and slow. He wasn't very strong at that time, and his stomach bothered him. He also worried that the smell of the ink might affect his lungs, although he didn't genuinely fear it. Overall, it was interesting but small; he knew there was a much bigger world out there. He hoped to experience it someday; he wanted to go to Chicago.
CHAPTER III
Eugene grew more and more moody and rather restless under Stella's increasing independence. She grew steadily more indifferent because of his moods. The fact that other boys were crazy for her consideration was a great factor; the fact that one particular boy, Harvey Rutter, was persistently genial, not insistent, really better looking than Eugene and much better tempered, helped a great deal. Eugene saw her with him now and then, saw her go skating with him, or at least with a crowd of which he was a member. Eugene hated him heartily; he hated her at times for not yielding to him wholly; but he was none the less wild over her beauty. It stamped his brain with a type or ideal. Thereafter he knew in a really definite way what womanhood ought to be, to be really beautiful.
Eugene became more and more moody and restless as Stella's independence grew. She became increasingly indifferent to his moods. The fact that other boys were eager for her attention played a big role; and the fact that one boy in particular, Harvey Rutter, was consistently friendly, not pushy, actually better-looking than Eugene, and much easier to get along with, made a huge difference. Eugene occasionally saw her with him, whether they were skating together or at least hanging out with a group that included him. Eugene despised him deeply; he sometimes hated her for not completely giving in to him; but he couldn't help being captivated by her beauty. It imprinted an ideal in his mind. From then on, he clearly understood what true womanhood should look like to be genuinely beautiful.
Another thing it did was to bring home to him a sense of his position in the world. So far he had always been dependent on his parents for food, clothes and spending money, and his parents were not very liberal. He knew other boys who had money to run up to Chicago or down to Springfield—the latter was nearer—to have a Saturday and Sunday lark. No such gaieties were for him. His father would not allow it, or rather would not pay for it. There were other boys who, in consequence of amply provided spending money, were the town dandies. He saw them kicking their heels outside the corner book store, the principal loafing place of the elite, on Wednesdays and Saturdays and sometimes on Sunday evenings preparatory to going somewhere, dressed in a luxury of clothing which was beyond his wildest dreams. Ted Martinwood, the son of the principal drygoods man, had a frock coat in which he sometimes appeared when he came down to the barber shop for a shave before he went to call on his girl. George Anderson was possessed of a dress suit, and wore dancing pumps at all dances. There was Ed Waterbury, who was known to have a horse and runabout of his own. These youths were slightly older, and were interested in girls of a slightly older set, but the point was the same. These things hurt him.
Another thing it did was to make him realize his place in the world. Until now, he had always been reliant on his parents for food, clothes, and spending money, and they weren't very generous. He knew other boys who had money to go up to Chicago or down to Springfield—the latter being closer—for a fun weekend. That kind of excitement was off-limits for him. His father wouldn’t allow it, or rather wouldn’t pay for it. There were other boys who, thanks to their generous spending money, were the town's well-dressed guys. He watched them hanging out outside the local bookstore, the main hangout for the elite, on Wednesdays and Saturdays, and sometimes on Sunday evenings, getting ready to go somewhere, dressed in outfits that he could only dream of. Ted Martinwood, the son of the main dry goods store owner, had a fancy coat that he sometimes wore when he came to the barbershop for a shave before visiting his girl. George Anderson had a tuxedo and wore dress shoes at every dance. Then there was Ed Waterbury, who was known to have his own horse and carriage. These guys were a bit older and were into girls from an older crowd, but the feeling was the same. All of this stung him.
He himself had no avenue of progress which, so far as he could see, was going to bring him to any financial prosperity. His father was never going to be rich, anybody could see that. He himself had made no practical progress in schoolwork—he knew [Pg 32] that. He hated insurance—soliciting or writing, despised the sewing machine business, and did not know where he would get with anything which he might like to do in literature or art. His drawing seemed a joke, his writing, or wish for writing, pointless. He was broodingly unhappy.
He had no clear way to succeed that, as far as he could tell, would lead to any financial stability. His father was never going to be wealthy; that was obvious to anyone. He hadn't made any real progress in school—he was aware of that. He couldn't stand insurance—whether selling it or working in it, disliked the sewing machine business, and didn’t know where pursuing anything in literature or art would lead him. His drawing felt like a joke, and his desire to write seemed pointless. He was deeply unhappy.
One day Williams, who had been watching him for a long time, stopped at his desk.
One day, Williams, who had been observing him for a long time, stopped by his desk.
"I say, Witla, why don't you go to Chicago?" he said. "There's a lot more up there for a boy like you than down here. You'll never get anywhere working on a country newspaper."
"I’m telling you, Witla, why don’t you head to Chicago?" he said. "There’s way more up there for a guy like you than down here. You’re not going to get anywhere working at a local newspaper."
"I know it," said Eugene.
"I know it," Eugene said.
"Now with me it's different," went on Williams. "I've had my rounds. I've got a wife and three children and when a man's got a family he can't afford to take chances. But you're young yet. Why don't you go to Chicago and get on a paper? You could get something."
"Now for me, it's different," Williams continued. "I've had my experiences. I have a wife and three kids, and when a man has a family, he can't risk it all. But you're still young. Why don't you go to Chicago and get a job at a newspaper? You could find something."
"What could I get?" asked Eugene.
"What can I get?" asked Eugene.
"Well, you might get a job as type-setter if you'd join the union. I don't know how good you'd be as a reporter—I hardly think that's your line. But you might study art and learn to draw. Newspaper artists make good money."
"Well, you could get a job as a typesetter if you joined the union. I’m not sure how good you’d be as a reporter—I really don’t think that’s your thing. But you could study art and learn to draw. Newspaper artists earn good money."
Eugene thought of his art. It wasn't much. He didn't do much with it. Still he thought of Chicago; the world appealed to him. If he could only get out of here—if he could only make more than seven or eight dollars a week. He brooded about this.
Eugene thought about his art. It wasn't much. He didn't do much with it. Still, he thought of Chicago; the world excited him. If he could just escape from here—if he could only earn more than seven or eight dollars a week. He dwelled on this.
One Sunday afternoon he and Stella went with Myrtle to Sylvia's home, and after a brief stay Stella announced that she would have to be going; her mother would be expecting her back. Myrtle was for going with her, but altered her mind when Sylvia asked her to stay to tea. "Let Eugene take her home," Sylvia said. Eugene was delighted in his persistent, hopeless way. He was not yet convinced that she could not be won to love. When they walked out in the fresh sweet air—it was nearing spring—he felt that now he should have a chance of saying something which would be winning—which would lure her to him.
One Sunday afternoon, he and Stella went with Myrtle to Sylvia's house, and after a short visit, Stella said she had to leave; her mom would be waiting for her. Myrtle wanted to go with her but changed her mind when Sylvia invited her to stay for tea. "Let Eugene take her home," Sylvia suggested. Eugene was excited in his usual, hopeless way. He still believed that he could win her love. As they stepped outside into the fresh, sweet air—it was almost spring—he felt that now would be his chance to say something charming that would draw her to him.
They went out on a street next to the one she lived on quite to the confines of the town. She wanted to turn off at her street, but he had urged her not to. "Do you have to go home just yet?" he asked, pleadingly.
They walked down a street next to hers, near the edge of town. She wanted to take a turn onto her street, but he insisted she didn't. "Do you really have to go home already?" he asked, with a hopeful look.
"No, I can walk a little way," she replied.
"No, I can walk a bit," she replied.
They reached a vacant place—the last house a little distance back—talking idly. It was getting hard to make talk. In his [Pg 33] efforts to be entertaining he picked up three twigs to show her how a certain trick in balancing was performed. It consisted in laying two at right angles with each other and with a third, using the latter as an upright. She could not do it, of course. She was not really very much interested. He wanted her to try and when she did, took hold of her right hand to steady her efforts.
They arrived at an empty spot—the last house a little ways back—chatting casually. It was becoming difficult to keep the conversation going. In his attempts to be amusing, he picked up three sticks to demonstrate how to do a balancing trick. It involved placing two sticks at right angles to each other and using the third stick as a vertical support. She obviously couldn’t do it. She wasn’t really all that interested. He wanted her to give it a shot, and when she did, he took her right hand to help steady her balance.
"No, don't," she said, drawing her hand away. "I can do it."
"No, don't," she said, pulling her hand back. "I can handle it."
She trifled with the twigs unsuccessfully and was about to let them fall, when he took hold of both her hands. It was so sudden that she could not free herself, and so she looked him straight in the eye.
She fiddled with the twigs without success and was about to drop them when he grabbed both her hands. It happened so quickly that she couldn't pull away, so she looked him straight in the eye.
"Let go, Eugene, please let go."
"Let go, Eugene, just let go."
He shook his head, gazing at her.
He shook his head, looking at her.
"Please let go," she went on. "You mustn't do this. I don't want you to."
"Please let go," she continued. "You can't do this. I don't want you to."
"Why?"
"Why?"
"Because."
"Because."
"Because why?"
"Why is that?"
"Well, because I don't."
"Well, I just don't."
"Don't you like me any more, Stella, really?" he asked.
"Don't you like me anymore, Stella, really?" he asked.
"I don't think I do, not that way."
"I don't think I do, not like that."
"But you did."
"But you actually did."
"I thought I did."
"I thought I had."
"Have you changed your mind?"
"Did you change your mind?"
"Yes, I think I have."
"Yeah, I think I do."
He dropped her hands and looked at her fixedly and dramatically. The attitude did not appeal to her. They strolled back to the street, and when they neared her door he said, "Well, I suppose there's no use in my coming to see you any more."
He let go of her hands and stared at her intensely. She wasn't impressed by his attitude. They walked back to the street, and as they approached her door, he said, "Well, I guess there's no point in me coming to see you anymore."
"I think you'd better not," she said simply.
"I think you should probably avoid that," she said plainly.
She walked in, never looking back, and instead of going back to his sister's he went home. He was in a very gloomy mood, and after sitting around for a while went to his room. The night fell, and he sat there looking out at the trees and grieving about what he had lost. Perhaps he was not good enough for her—he could not make her love him. Was it that he was not handsome enough—he did not really consider himself good looking—or what was it, a lack of courage or strength?
She walked in without glancing back, and instead of heading to his sister's place, he went home. He felt really down, and after sitting around for a bit, he went to his room. As night fell, he sat there staring at the trees, mourning what he had lost. Maybe he just wasn't good enough for her—he couldn't get her to love him. Was it because he wasn't good-looking enough—he didn't really see himself as attractive—or was it something else, like a lack of courage or strength?
After a time he noticed that the moon was hanging over the trees like a bright shield in the sky. Two layers of thin clouds were moving in different directions on different levels. He stopped in his cogitations to think where these clouds came from. On sunny days when there were great argosies of them he had [Pg 34] seen them disappear before his eyes, and then, marvel of marvels, reappear out of nothingness. The first time he ever saw this it astonished him greatly, for he had never known up to then what clouds were. Afterward he read about them in his physical geography. Tonight he thought of that, and of the great plains over which these winds swept, and of the grass and trees—great forests of them—miles and miles. What a wonderful world! Poets wrote about these things, Longfellow, and Bryant, and Tennyson. He thought of "Thanatopsis," and of the "Elegy," both of which he admired greatly. What was this thing, life?
After a while, he noticed that the moon was hanging over the trees like a bright shield in the sky. Two layers of thin clouds were moving in different directions at different heights. He paused in his thoughts to consider where these clouds came from. On sunny days when there were huge groups of them, he had [Pg 34] seen them vanish before his eyes, and then, marvel of marvels, reappear out of nowhere. The first time he saw this, it amazed him because he had never known what clouds were before. Later, he read about them in his physical geography book. Tonight, he thought about that, and about the vast plains these winds swept over, and about the grass and trees—great forests of them—stretching for miles and miles. What a wonderful world! Poets wrote about these things: Longfellow, Bryant, and Tennyson. He thought of "Thanatopsis" and the "Elegy," both of which he admired greatly. What was this thing called life?
Then he came back to Stella with an ache. She was actually gone, and she was so beautiful. She would never really talk to him any more. He would never get to hold her hand or kiss her. He clenched his hands with the hurt. Oh, that night on the ice; that night in the sleigh! How wonderful they were! Finally he undressed and went to bed. He wanted to be alone—to be lonely. On his clean white pillow he lay and dreamed of the things that might have been, kisses, caresses, a thousand joys.
Then he returned to Stella feeling a deep pain. She was really gone, and she was so beautiful. She would never actually talk to him again. He would never get to hold her hand or kiss her. He clenched his hands in anguish. Oh, that night on the ice; that night in the sleigh! How amazing they were! Finally, he undressed and went to bed. He wanted to be alone—to feel lonely. On his clean white pillow, he lay there and dreamed of all the things that could have been, kisses, embraces, a thousand joys.
One Sunday afternoon he was lying in his hammock thinking, thinking of what a dreary place Alexandria was, anyhow, when he opened a Chicago Saturday afternoon paper, which was something like a Sunday one because it had no Sunday edition,—and went gloomily through it. It was as he had always found, full of a subtle wonder, the wonder of the city, which drew him like a magnet. Here was the drawing of a big hotel someone was going to build; there was a sketch of a great pianist who was coming to play. An account of a new comedy drama; of a little romantic section of Goose Island in the Chicago river, with its old decayed boats turned into houses and geese waddling about; an item of a man falling through a coal hole on South Halstead street fascinated him. This last was at sixty-two hundred and something and the idea of such a long street seized on his imagination. What a tremendous city Chicago must be. The thought of car lines, crowds, trains, came to him with almost a yearning appeal.
One Sunday afternoon, he was lying in his hammock, thinking—thinking about how dreary Alexandria was—when he opened a Chicago Saturday afternoon paper, which was kind of like a Sunday one because it didn’t have a Sunday edition, and he went through it gloomily. It was as he had always found it, full of a subtle wonder, the wonder of the city, which drew him in like a magnet. There was a drawing of a big hotel someone was planning to build; there was a sketch of a great pianist who was coming to perform. There was an article about a new comedy-drama; a small romantic section of Goose Island in the Chicago River, with its old, decayed boats turned into houses and geese waddling around; and a story about a guy falling through a coal hole on South Halstead Street captured his attention. This last one was at sixty-two hundred and something, and the idea of such a long street fascinated his imagination. What a huge city Chicago must be. The thought of streetcars, crowds, trains came to him with almost a longing appeal.
All at once the magnet got him. It gripped his very soul, this wonder, this beauty, this life.
All of a sudden, the magnet pulled him in. It captured his very essence, this amazing thing, this beauty, this life.
"I'm going to Chicago," he thought, and got up.
"I'm going to Chicago," he thought, and got up.
There was his nice, quiet little home laid out before him. Inside were his mother, his father, Myrtle. Still he was going. He could come back. "Sure I can come back," he thought. Propelled by this magnetic power he went in and upstairs to his room, and got a little grip or portmanteau he had. He put in [Pg 35] it the things he thought he would immediately need. In his pocket were nine dollars, money he had been saving for some time. Finally he came downstairs and stood in the door of the sitting room.
There was his nice, quiet little home laid out before him. Inside were his mom, his dad, and Myrtle. Still, he was leaving. He could return. "Of course I can come back," he thought. Driven by this strong urge, he went inside and up to his room, grabbed a small bag he had, and packed the things he thought he would need right away. In his pocket were nine dollars, money he had been saving for a while. Finally, he came downstairs and stood in the doorway of the living room.
"What's the matter?" asked his mother, looking at his solemn introspective face.
"What's wrong?" his mother asked, noticing his serious, thoughtful expression.
"I'm going to Chicago," he said.
"I'm heading to Chicago," he said.
"When?" she asked, astonished, a little uncertain of just what he meant.
"When?" she asked, surprised and a bit unsure of what he meant.
"Today," he said.
"Today," he said.
"No, you're joking." She smiled unbelievingly. This was a boyish prank.
"No way, you're kidding." She smiled in disbelief. This was a boyish prank.
"I'm going today," he said. "I'm going to catch that four o'clock train."
"I'm going today," he said. "I'm catching that four o'clock train."
Her face saddened. "You're not?" she said.
Her face fell. "You're not?" she asked.
"I can come back," he replied, "if I want to. I want to get something else to do."
"I can come back," he said, "if I want to. I want to find something else to do."
His father came in at this time. He had a little work room out in the barn where he sometimes cleaned machines and repaired vehicles. He was fresh from such a task now.
His father walked in at that moment. He had a small workshop out in the barn where he sometimes cleaned machines and fixed vehicles. He had just finished one of those jobs.
"What's up?" he asked, seeing his wife close to her boy.
"What's up?" he asked, noticing his wife next to their son.
"Eugene's going to Chicago."
"Eugene's heading to Chicago."
"Since when?" he inquired amusedly.
"Since when?" he asked, amused.
"Today. He says he's going right now."
"Today. He says he's going right now."
"You don't mean it," said Witla, astonished. He really did not believe it. "Why don't you take a little time and think it over? What are you going to live on?"
"You can't be serious," said Witla, shocked. He genuinely couldn't believe it. "Why don't you take a moment and think it through? What are you going to survive on?"
"I'll live," said Eugene. "I'm going. I've had enough of this place. I'm going to get out."
"I'll be fine," said Eugene. "I'm leaving. I've had enough of this place. I'm out of here."
"All right," said his father, who, after all, believed in initiative. Evidently after all he hadn't quite understood this boy. "Got your trunk packed?"
"Okay," said his father, who, after all, believed in taking initiative. Clearly, he still hadn't fully understood this boy. "Have you packed your trunk?"
"No, but mother can send me that."
"No, but Mom can send me that."
"Don't go today," pleaded his mother. "Wait until you get something ready, Eugene. Wait and do a little thinking about it. Wait until tomorrow."
"Don't leave today," his mother pleaded. "Take your time, Eugene. Wait until you prepare something. Think it through a bit. Wait until tomorrow."
"I want to go today, ma." He slipped his arm around her. "Little ma." He was bigger than she by now, and still growing.
"I want to go today, Mom." He wrapped his arm around her. "Little Mom." He was bigger than her now and still growing.
"All right, Eugene," she said softly, "but I wish you wouldn't." Her boy was leaving her—her heart was hurt.
"Okay, Eugene," she said gently, "but I wish you wouldn't." Her son was leaving her—her heart was aching.
"I can come back, ma. It's only a hundred miles."
"I can come back, Mom. It's just a hundred miles."
"Well, all right," she said finally, trying to brighten. "I'll pack your bag."
"Okay," she said at last, trying to sound cheerful. "I'll pack your bag."
"I have already."
"I already have."
[Pg 36] She went to look.
She went to check.
"Well, it'll soon be time," said Witla, who was thinking that Eugene might back down. "I'm sorry. Still it may be a good thing for you. You're always welcome here, you know."
"Well, it'll be time soon," said Witla, thinking that Eugene might change his mind. "I'm sorry. Still, it might be good for you. You're always welcome here, you know."
"I know," said Eugene.
"I know," Eugene said.
They went finally to the train together, he and his father and Myrtle. His mother couldn't. She stayed to cry.
They finally went to the train together, he, his dad, and Myrtle. His mom couldn't make it. She stayed behind to cry.
On the way to the depot they stopped at Sylvia's.
On the way to the depot, they stopped at Sylvia's.
"Why, Eugene," she exclaimed, "how ridiculous! Don't go."
"Why, Eugene," she said, "that's so silly! Don't leave."
"He's set," said Witla.
"He's all set," said Witla.
Eugene finally got loose. He seemed to be fighting love, home ties, everything, every step of the way. Finally he reached the depot. The train came. Witla grabbed his hand affectionately. "Be a good boy," he said, swallowing a gulp.
Eugene finally got free. It felt like he was battling love, connections to home, and everything else at every turn. Eventually, he made it to the depot. The train arrived. Witla took his hand warmly. "Be a good boy," he said, swallowing hard.
Myrtle kissed him. "You're so funny, Eugene. Write me."
Myrtle kissed him. "You're so hilarious, Eugene. Text me."
"I will."
"I'll."
He stepped on the train. The bell rang. Out the cars rolled—out and on. He looked out on the familiar scenes and then a real ache came to him—Stella, his mother, his father, Myrtle, the little home. They were all going out of his life.
He got on the train. The bell rang. The cars rolled out—out and on. He looked at the familiar sights, and then a deep sadness hit him—Stella, his mom, his dad, Myrtle, the little home. They were all leaving his life.
"Hm," he half groaned, clearing his throat. "Gee!"
"Hm," he half groaned, clearing his throat. "Wow!"
And then he sank back and tried, as usual, not to think. He must succeed. That's what the world was made for. That was what he was made for. That was what he would have to do....
And then he leaned back and tried, as usual, not to think. He had to succeed. That's what the world was for. That's what he was meant for. That was what he needed to do....
CHAPTER IV
The city of Chicago—who shall portray it! This vast ruck of life that had sprung suddenly into existence upon the dank marshes of a lake shore. Miles and miles of dreary little houses; miles and miles of wooden block-paved streets, with gas lamps placed and water mains laid, and empty wooden walks set for pedestrians; the beat of a hundred thousand hammers; the ring of a hundred thousand trowels! Long, converging lines of telegraph poles; thousands upon thousands of sentinel cottages, factory plants, towering smoke stacks, and here and there a lone, shabby church steeple, sitting out pathetically upon vacant land. The raw prairie stretch was covered with yellow grass; the great broad highways of the tracks of railroads, ten, fifteen, twenty, thirty, laid side by side and strung with thousands upon thousands of shabby cars, like beads upon a string. Engines clanging, trains moving, people waiting at street crossings—pedestrians, wagon drivers, street car drivers, drays of beer, trucks of coal, brick, stone, sand—a spectacle of new, raw, necessary life!
The city of Chicago—who can capture its essence! This massive hub of activity that suddenly emerged on the damp shores of a lake. Miles and miles of dull little houses; miles and miles of wooden streets, with gas lamps installed and water lines set up, along with empty wooden walkways for pedestrians; the sound of a hundred thousand hammers; the clanging of a hundred thousand trowels! Long, converging lines of telephone poles; thousands upon thousands of little houses, factories, towering smokestacks, and here and there a lonely, shabby church steeple, pitifully standing on open land. The raw prairie was covered in yellow grass; the vast, broad paths of railroad tracks, ten, fifteen, twenty, thirty, laid side by side and lined with thousands upon thousands of worn-out cars, like beads on a string. Engines clanging, trains moving, people waiting at street crossings—pedestrians, wagon drivers, streetcar operators, trucks loaded with beer, coal, bricks, stone, sand—a scene of new, raw, essential life!
As Eugene began to draw near it he caught for the first time the sense and significance of a great city. What were these newspaper shadows he had been dealing with in his reading compared to this vivid, articulate, eager thing? Here was the substance of a new world, substantial, fascinating, different. The handsome suburban station at South Chicago, the first of its kind he had ever seen, took his eye, as the train rolled cityward. He had never before seen a crowd of foreigners—working men—and here were Lithuanians, Poles, Czechs, waiting for a local train. He had never seen a really large factory plant, and here was one, and another, and another—steel works, potteries, soap-factories, foundries, all gaunt and hard in the Sunday evening air. There seemed to be, for all it was Sunday, something youthful, energetic and alive about the streets. He noted the streetcars waiting; at one place a small river was crossed on a draw,—dirty, gloomy, but crowded with boats and lined with great warehouses, grain elevators, coal pockets—that architecture of necessity and utility. His imagination was fired by this for here was something that could be done brilliantly in black—a spot of red or green for ship and bridge lights. There were some men on the magazines who did things like this, only not so vivid.
As Eugene got closer, he felt for the first time the meaning and impact of a big city. What were the newspaper snippets he had been reading compared to this lively, expressive, eager entity? Here was the essence of a new world, substantial, captivating, and different. The attractive suburban station in South Chicago, the first of its kind he had ever encountered, caught his attention as the train headed into the city. He had never seen a crowd of immigrants—workers—and here were Lithuanians, Poles, and Czechs waiting for a local train. He had never witnessed a truly large factory, and here was one, then another, and another—steel mills, potteries, soap factories, foundries, all stark and imposing in the Sunday evening air. Despite it being Sunday, there was a sense of youth, energy, and life in the streets. He noticed the streetcars waiting; in one spot, a small river was crossed by a drawbridge—dirty and dreary, but busy with boats and lined with massive warehouses, grain elevators, and coal pockets—that architecture of necessity and utility. His imagination was ignited by this; here was something that could be done brilliantly in black—with a touch of red or green for the ship and bridge lights. There were some artists in the magazines who created things like this, but not as vivid.
[Pg 38] The train threaded its way through long lines of cars coming finally into an immense train shed where arc lights were spluttering—a score under a great curved steel and glass roof, where people were hurrying to and fro. Engines were hissing; bells clanging raucously. He had no relatives, no soul to turn to, but somehow he did not feel lonely. This picture of life, this newness, fascinated him. He stepped down and started leisurely to the gate, wondering which way he should go. He came to a corner where a lamp post already lit blazoned the name Madison. He looked out on this street and saw, as far as the eye could reach, two lines of stores, jingling horse cars, people walking. What a sight, he thought, and turned west. For three miles he walked, musing, and then as it was dark, and he had arranged for no bed, he wondered where he should eat and sleep. A fat man sitting outside a livery stable door in a tilted, cane-seated chair offered a possibility of information.
[Pg 38] The train weaved its way through long lines of cars, finally arriving at a huge train station where flickering arc lights illuminated the space beneath a large curved steel and glass roof, bustling with people moving about. Engines were hissing, and bells clanged loudly. He had no family, no one to turn to, yet he didn’t feel lonely. This vibrant scene of life, this sense of newness, captivated him. He stepped down and casually headed toward the gate, wondering which way to go. He reached a corner with a lamp post already lit, displaying the name Madison. Looking down the street, he saw, as far as he could see, two rows of stores, clattering horse-drawn carriages, and people walking. What a sight, he thought, and he turned west. He walked for three miles, lost in thought, and as it grew dark, realizing he hadn’t arranged for a place to stay, he began to wonder where he could eat and spend the night. A chubby man sitting outside a livery stable in a tilted, cane-seated chair seemed like a good source of information.
"Do you know where I can get a room around here?" asked Eugene.
"Do you know where I can find a room nearby?" asked Eugene.
The lounger looked him over. He was the proprietor of the place.
The lounged glanced at him. He was the owner of the place.
"There's an old lady living over there at seven-thirty-two," he said, "who has a room, I think. She might take you in." He liked Eugene's looks.
"There's an old lady living over at seven-thirty-two," he said, "who has a room, I think. She might take you in." He liked Eugene's appearance.
Eugene crossed over and rang a downstairs bell. The door was opened shortly by a tall, kindly woman, of a rather matriarchal turn. Her hair was gray.
Eugene walked over and rang the bell downstairs. A moment later, a tall, friendly woman with a matriarchal vibe opened the door. Her hair was gray.
"Yes?" she inquired.
"Yes?" she asked.
"The gentleman at the livery stable over there said I might get a room here. I'm looking for one."
"The guy at the horse stable over there said I might be able to get a room here. I'm looking for one."
She smiled pleasantly. This boy looked his strangeness, his wide-eyed interest, his freshness from the country. "Come in," she said. "I have a room. You can look at it."
She smiled warmly. This boy showed his uniqueness, his wide-eyed curiosity, his freshness from the countryside. "Come in," she said. "I have a room. You can check it out."
It was a front room—a little bed-room off the one main living room, clean, simple, convenient. "This looks all right," he said.
It was a front room—a small bedroom attached to the main living room, clean, simple, and convenient. "This looks good," he said.
She smiled.
She smiled.
"You can have it for two dollars a week," she proffered.
"You can have it for two dollars a week," she offered.
"That's all right," he said, putting down his grip. "I'll take it."
"That's okay," he said, setting down his bag. "I'll take it."
"Have you had supper?" she asked.
"Have you eaten dinner?" she asked.
"No, but I'm going out soon. I want to see the streets. I'll find some place."
"No, but I'm heading out soon. I want to check out the streets. I'll find somewhere."
"I'll give you something," she said.
"I'll give you something," she said.
[Pg 39] Eugene thanked her, and she smiled. This was what Chicago did to the country. It took the boys.
[Pg 39] Eugene thanked her, and she smiled. This is what Chicago did to the country. It took the boys.
He opened the closed shutters of his window and knelt before it, leaning on the sill. He looked out idly, for it was all so wonderful. Bright lights were burning in store windows. These people hurrying—how their feet sounded—clap, clap, clap. And away east and away west it was all like this. It was all like this everywhere, a great big, wonderful city. It was nice to be here. He felt that now. It was all worth while. How could he have stayed in Alexandria so long! He would get along here. Certainly he would. He was perfectly sure of that. He knew.
He opened the closed shutters of his window and knelt down in front of it, leaning on the sill. He gazed out lazily, taken in by the beauty of it all. Bright lights glowed in the store windows. The sound of people's hurried footsteps—clap, clap, clap—filled the air. It was this way to the east and to the west. Everywhere he looked, it felt like a big, amazing city. It was great to be here. He realized that now. It was all worth it. How could he have stayed in Alexandria for so long? He would fit in here. No doubt about it. He was completely sure of that. He knew.
Chicago at this time certainly offered a world of hope and opportunity to the beginner. It was so new, so raw; everything was in the making. The long lines of houses and stores were mostly temporary make-shifts—one and two story frame affairs—with here and there a three and four story brick building which spoke of better days to come. Down in the business heart which lay between the lake and the river, the North Side and the South Side, was a region which spoke of a tremendous future, for here were stores which served the buying public, not only of Chicago, but of the Middle West. There were great banks, great office buildings, great retail stores, great hotels. The section was running with a tide of people which represented the youth, the illusions, the untrained aspirations, of millions of souls. When you walked into this area you could feel what Chicago meant—eagerness, hope, desire. It was a city that put vitality into almost every wavering heart: it made the beginner dream dreams; the aged to feel that misfortune was never so grim that it might not change.
Chicago at this time definitely offered a world of hope and opportunity to newcomers. It was so new, so rough; everything was still being built. The long rows of houses and stores were mostly temporary arrangements—one and two-story frame structures—with a few three and four-story brick buildings here and there hinting at better days ahead. In the bustling area between the lake and the river, straddling the North Side and the South Side, there was a region that suggested a bright future, where stores catered not just to Chicagoans, but to the entire Midwest. There were large banks, impressive office buildings, expansive retail stores, and grand hotels. This section was alive with a flow of people representing the youth, dreams, and untrained ambitions of millions. Walking into this area, you could feel what Chicago represented—eagerness, hope, desire. It was a city that filled almost every uncertain heart with energy: it inspired newcomers to dream big; even the older generations felt that no hardship was so severe that it couldn't change.
Underneath, of course, was struggle. Youth and hope and energy were setting a terrific pace. You had to work here, to move, to step lively. You had to have ideas. This city demanded of you your very best, or it would have little to do with you. Youth in its search for something—and age—were quickly to feel this. It was no fool's paradise.
Underneath it all, there was definitely struggle. Youth, hope, and energy were moving at an incredible pace. You had to put in the effort here, to stay active, to keep up. You had to come up with ideas. This city expected your absolute best, or it wouldn’t pay you any mind. Young people searching for meaning—and older folks—were quickly aware of this. It was no illusion of happiness.
Eugene, once he was settled, realized this. He had the notion, somehow, that the printer's trade was all over for him. He wanted no more of that. He wanted to be an artist or something like that, although he hardly knew how to begin. The papers offered one way, but he was not sure that they took on beginners. He had had no training whatever. His sister Myrtle had once said that some of his little thumb-nail sketches were pretty, but what did she know? If he could study somewhere, find [Pg 40] someone who would teach him.... Meanwhile he would have to work.
Eugene, once he got settled, realized this. He somehow felt that the printing trade was done for him. He didn’t want any part of that anymore. He dreamed of being an artist or something like that, even though he had no idea how to start. The papers offered one option, but he wasn’t sure they accepted beginners. He had no training whatsoever. His sister Myrtle had once said that some of his little thumbnail sketches were nice, but what did she know? If only he could study somewhere, find [Pg 40] someone who would teach him... For now, though, he would have to work.
He tried the newspapers first of course, for those great institutions seemed the ideal resort for anyone who wanted to get up in the world, but the teeming offices with frowning art directors and critical newspaper workers frightened him. One art director did see something in the three or four little sketches he showed, but he happened to be in a crusty mood, and did not want anybody anyway. He simply said no, there was nothing. Eugene thought that perhaps as an artist also, he was destined to be a failure.
He started with the newspapers, naturally, since those big organizations seemed like the perfect place for anyone looking to climb the social ladder, but the busy offices filled with serious art directors and critical newspaper staff intimidated him. One art director did notice some potential in the three or four small sketches he presented, but he was in a grumpy mood and wasn't interested in taking on anyone. He just said no, that there was nothing there. Eugene wondered if, as an artist, he was also meant to fail.
The trouble with this boy was really that he was not half awake yet. The beauty of life, its wonder, had cast a spell over him, but he could not yet interpret it in line and color. He walked about these wonderful streets, gazing in the windows, looking at the boats on the river, looking at the ships on the lake. One day, while he was standing on the lake shore, there came a ship in full sail in the offing—the first he had ever seen. It gripped his sense of beauty. He clasped his hands nervously and thrilled to it. Then he sat down on the lake wall and looked and looked and looked until it gradually sank below the horizon. So this was how the great lakes were; and how the great seas must be—the Atlantic and the Pacific and the Indian Ocean. Ah, the sea! Some day, perhaps he would go to New York. That was where the sea was. But here it was also, in miniature, and it was wonderful.
The problem with this boy was that he wasn’t fully awake yet. The beauty of life, its wonder, had enchanted him, but he couldn't quite interpret it in lines and colors. He wandered through these amazing streets, staring in the windows, watching the boats on the river, and looking at the ships on the lake. One day, while he was standing on the lake shore, he spotted a fully-sailed ship in the distance—the first he had ever seen. It captured his sense of beauty. He clasped his hands nervously and felt exhilarated by it. Then he sat down on the lake wall and kept watching until it slowly disappeared below the horizon. So this was how the great lakes were; and how the great seas must be—the Atlantic, the Pacific, and the Indian Ocean. Ah, the sea! Maybe someday he would go to New York. That’s where the sea was. But it was also here, in a smaller form, and it was incredible.
One cannot moon by lake shores and before store windows and at bridge draws and live, unless one is provided with the means of living, and this Eugene was not. He had determined when he left home that he would be independent. He wanted to get a salary in some way that he could at least live on. He wanted to write back and be able to say that he was getting along nicely. His trunk came, and a loving letter from his mother, and some money, but he sent that back. It was only ten dollars, but he objected to beginning that way. He thought he ought to earn his own way, and he wanted to try, anyhow.
One can't just hang out by the lake and in front of stores and at bridge openings and actually live unless they have the means to make a living, and Eugene didn’t have that. He had decided when he left home that he wanted to be independent. He wanted to earn a salary that would at least cover his basic needs. He hoped to write back and say that he was doing well. His trunk arrived, along with a loving letter from his mother and some money, but he sent the money back. It was only ten dollars, but he didn’t want to start off that way. He believed he should earn his own way, and he wanted to give it a shot, anyway.
After ten days his funds were very low, a dollar and seventy-five cents, and he decided that any job would have to do. Never mind about art or type-setting now. He could not get the last without a union card, he must take anything, and so he applied from store to store. The cheap little shops in which he asked were so ugly they hurt, but he tried to put his artistic sensibilities aside. He asked for anything, to be made a clerk in a bakery, in a dry goods store, in a candy store. After a time a hardware [Pg 41] store loomed up, and he asked there. The man looked at him curiously. "I might give you a place at storing stoves."
After ten days, he barely had any money left—just a dollar and seventy-five cents—and he decided he needed to take whatever job he could find. Forget about pursuing art or typesetting for now. He couldn't get a typesetting job without a union card, so he applied everywhere. The small shops he visited were so unattractive they were almost painful to look at, but he tried to set aside his artistic feelings. He asked for anything—a position as a clerk in a bakery, a dry goods store, or a candy shop. Eventually, he came across a hardware store and asked if they were hiring. The owner looked at him with interest. "I might have a job for you storing stoves."
Eugene did not understand, but he accepted gladly. It only paid six dollars a week, but he could live on that. He was shown to a loft in charge of two rough men, stove fitters, polishers, and repairers, who gruffly explained to him that his work was to brush the rust off the decayed stoves, to help piece and screw them together, to polish and lift things, for this was a second hand stove business which bought and repaired stoves from junk dealers all over the city. Eugene had a low bench near a window where he was supposed to do his polishing, but he very frequently wasted his time here looking out into the green yards of some houses in a side street. The city was full of wonder to him—its every detail fascinating. When a rag-picker would go by calling "rags, old iron," or a vegetable vender crying "tomatoes, potatoes, green corn, peas," he would stop and listen, the musical pathos of the cries appealing to him. Alexandria had never had anything like this. It was all so strange. He saw himself making pen and ink sketches of things, of the clothes lines in the back yards and of the maids with baskets.
Eugene didn't get it, but he accepted it happily. It only paid six dollars a week, but that was enough for him to get by. He was shown to a loft run by two tough guys, stove fitters, polishers, and repairers, who gruffly explained that his job was to brush the rust off old stoves, help put them together, polish them, and lift things because this was a second-hand stove business that bought and fixed stoves from junk dealers all over the city. Eugene had a low bench by a window where he was supposed to do his polishing, but he often ended up wasting time just looking out at the green yards of some houses on a side street. The city amazed him—every little detail was captivating. When a rag-picker walked by shouting "rags, old iron," or a vegetable vendor called out "tomatoes, potatoes, green corn, peas," he would stop and listen, drawn in by the musicality of their cries. Alexandria had never had anything like this. It was all so new to him. He imagined himself making pen and ink sketches of things, like the clotheslines in the backyards and the maids with baskets.
On one of the days when he thought he was working fairly well (he had been there two weeks), one of the two repairers said, "Hey, get a move on you. You're not paid to look out the window." Eugene stopped. He had not realized that he was loafing.
On one of the days when he thought he was doing pretty well (he had been there two weeks), one of the two repair guys said, "Hey, hurry up. You're not getting paid to stare out the window." Eugene stopped. He hadn’t realized he was slacking off.
"What have you got to do with it?" he asked, hurt and half defiant. He was under the impression that he was working with these men, not under them.
"What do you have to do with it?" he asked, feeling hurt and somewhat challenging. He thought he was collaborating with these men, not working beneath them.
"I'll show you, you fresh kid," said the older of the two, who was an individual built on the order of "Bill Sykes." "You're under me. You get a move on you, and don't give me any more of your lip."
"I'll show you, you inexperienced brat," said the older of the two, who was built like "Bill Sykes." "You're below me. Get a move on, and stop talking back."
Eugene was startled. It was a flash of brutality out of a clear sky. The animal, whom he had been scanning as an artist would, as a type, out of the corner of his eye, was revealing himself.
Eugene was taken aback. It was a sudden act of violence from nowhere. The animal he had been observing like an artist, as a kind of stereotype from the corner of his eye, was now showing its true self.
"You go to the devil," said Eugene, only half awake to the grim reality of the situation.
"You go to hell," said Eugene, still only half aware of the harsh reality of the situation.
"What's that!" exclaimed the man, making for him. He gave him a shove toward the wall, and attempted to kick him with his big, hob-nailed boot. Eugene picked up a stove leg. His face was wax white.
"What's that!" shouted the man, rushing at him. He pushed him toward the wall and tried to kick him with his heavy, studded boot. Eugene grabbed a piece of the stove. His face was ashen.
"Don't you try that again," he said darkly. He fixed the leg in his hand firmly.
"Don't try that again," he said menacingly. He gripped the leg in his hand tightly.
"Call it off, Jim," said the other man, who saw the uselessness [Pg 42] of so much temper. "Don't hit him. Send him down stairs if you don't like him."
"Forget it, Jim," said the other man, who realized how pointless all that anger was. "Don't hit him. Just send him downstairs if you don't like him."
"You get to hell out of here, then," said Eugene's noble superior.
"You get the hell out of here, then," said Eugene's respected superior.
Eugene walked to a nail where his hat and coat were, carrying the stove leg. He edged past his assailant cautiously, fearing a second attack. The man was inclined to kick at him again because of his stubbornness, but forebore.
Eugene walked over to the hook where his hat and coat were hanging, carrying the stove leg. He carefully moved past his attacker, afraid of another assault. The man wanted to kick him again because of his persistence, but held back.
"You're too fresh, Willie. You want to wake up, you dough face," he said as Eugene went.
"You're too naïve, Willie. You need to get it together, you clueless one," he said as Eugene walked away.
Eugene slipped out quietly. His spirit was hurt and torn. What a scene! He, Eugene Witla, kicked at, and almost kicked out, and that in a job that paid six dollars a week. A great lump came up in his throat, but it went down again. He wanted to cry but he could not. He went downstairs, stovepolish on his hands and face and slipped up to the desk.
Eugene quietly slipped out. He felt hurt and broken. What a scene! He, Eugene Witla, had been kicked out of a job that only paid six dollars a week. A big lump formed in his throat, but he swallowed it down. He wanted to cry, but he couldn't. He went downstairs, with stove polish on his hands and face, and snuck up to the desk.
"I want to quit," he said to the man who had hired him.
"I want to quit," he told the man who had hired him.
"All right, what's the matter?"
"Okay, what's wrong?"
"That big brute up there tried to kick me," he explained.
"That big guy up there tried to kick me," he said.
"They're pretty rough men," answered the employer. "I was afraid you wouldn't get along. I guess you're not strong enough. Here you are." He laid out three dollars and a half. Eugene wondered at this queer interpretation of his complaint. He must get along with these men? They musn't get along with him? So the city had that sort of brutality in it.
"They're pretty tough guys," the employer replied. "I was worried you wouldn't fit in. I suppose you're not strong enough for them. Here you go." He handed over three dollars and fifty cents. Eugene was puzzled by this strange take on his issue. He had to manage with these guys? They didn't have to manage with him? So, this city had that kind of harshness in it.
He went home and washed up, and then struck out again, for it was no time now to be without a job. After a week he found one,—as a house runner for a real estate concern, a young man to bring in the numbers of empty houses and post up the "For Rent" signs in the windows. It paid eight dollars and seemed to offer opportunities of advancement. Eugene might have stayed there indefinitely had it not failed after three months. He had reached the season of fall clothes then, and the need of a winter overcoat, but he made no complaint to his family. He wanted to appear to be getting along well, whether he was or not.
He went home, cleaned up, and then went out again because he couldn’t afford to be jobless. After a week, he found a job as a house runner for a real estate company. His role was to gather information on vacant houses and put up "For Rent" signs in the windows. It paid eight dollars and seemed to offer chances for advancement. Eugene could have stayed there for a long time if the job hadn’t ended after three months. By then, fall clothes were in season, and he needed a winter coat, but he didn't complain to his family. He wanted to give the impression that he was doing well, whether he actually was or not.
One of the things which tended to harden and sharpen his impressions of life at this time was the show of luxury seen in some directions. On Michigan Avenue and Prairie Avenue, on Ashland Avenue and Washington Boulevard, were sections which were crowded with splendid houses such as Eugene had never seen before. He was astonished at the magnificence of their appointments, the beauty of the lawns, the show of the windows, the distinction of the equipages which accompanied them and served them. For the first time in his life he saw liveried footmen [Pg 43] at doors: he saw at a distance girls and women grown who seemed marvels of beauty to him—they were so distinguished in their dress; he saw young men carrying themselves with an air of distinction which he had never seen before. These must be the society people the newspapers were always talking about. His mind made no distinctions as yet. If there were fine clothes, fine trappings, of course social prestige went with them. It made him see for the first time what far reaches lay between the conditions of a beginner from the country and what the world really had to offer—or rather what it showered on some at the top. It subdued and saddened him a little. Life was unfair.
One of the things that really sharpened his view of life at that time was the display of luxury he noticed in certain areas. On Michigan Avenue and Prairie Avenue, on Ashland Avenue and Washington Boulevard, there were neighborhoods filled with stunning houses unlike anything Eugene had seen before. He was amazed by their opulent furnishings, the beauty of the lawns, the display in the windows, and the elegance of the carriages that accompanied them. For the first time in his life, he saw footmen in uniforms at the doors: he noticed from a distance girls and women who appeared incredibly beautiful to him—they had such stylish outfits; he saw young men carrying themselves with a distinction he had never encountered before. These must be the society people that the newspapers always wrote about. He hadn’t yet learned to make distinctions. If there were fancy clothes and lavish decorations, surely that came with social status. It opened his eyes for the first time to the vast divide between someone just starting out from the country and what the world really had to offer—or rather, what it generously bestowed upon those at the top. It left him feeling somewhat subdued and sad. Life was unfair.
These fall days, too, with their brown leaves, sharp winds, scudding smoke and whirls of dust showed him that the city could be cruel. He met shabby men, sunken eyed, gloomy, haggard, who looked at him, apparently out of a deep despair. These creatures all seemed to be brought where they were by difficult circumstances. If they begged at all,—and they rarely did of him, for he did not look prosperous enough, it was with the statement that unfortunate circumstances had brought them where they were. You could fail so easily. You could really starve if you didn't look sharp,—the city quickly taught him that.
These fall days, with their brown leaves, biting winds, drifting smoke, and swirling dust, showed him that the city could be harsh. He encountered shabby men, sunken-eyed, gloomy, and worn down, who looked at him as if they were weighed down by deep despair. These people seemed to end up where they were because of tough circumstances. If they begged at all—and they seldom did with him because he didn’t seem well-off—it was to explain that unfortunate situations had led them to this point. You could fail so easily. You could actually starve if you weren't careful—the city quickly made that clear.
During these days he got immensely lonely. He was not very sociable, and too introspective. He had no means of making friends, or thought he had none. So he wandered about the streets at night, marveling at the sights he saw, or staying at home in his little room. Mrs. Woodruff, the landlady, was nice and motherly enough, but she was not young and did not fit into his fancies. He was thinking about girls and how sad it was not to have one to say a word to him. Stella was gone—that dream was over. When would he find another like her?
During those days, he felt incredibly lonely. He wasn't very outgoing and tended to be too introspective. He had no way of making friends, or he thought he didn't. So, he wandered the streets at night, marveling at the sights he encountered, or stayed at home in his small room. Mrs. Woodruff, the landlady, was kind and nurturing enough, but she was older and didn’t quite match his dreams. He thought about girls and how sad it was not to have one to talk to him. Stella was gone—that dream was over. When would he find another girl like her?
After wandering around for nearly a month, during which time he was compelled to use some money his mother sent him to buy a suit of clothes on an instalment plan, he got a place as driver of a laundry, which, because it paid ten dollars a week, seemed very good. He sketched now and then when he was not tired, but what he did seemed pointless. So he worked here, driving a wagon, when he should have been applying for an art opening, or taking art lessons.
After wandering around for almost a month, during which he had to use some money his mom sent him to buy a suit on an installment plan, he finally got a job as a driver for a laundry. It paid ten dollars a week, which seemed pretty good. He would sketch now and then when he wasn’t too tired, but it all felt pointless. So he worked here, driving a wagon, instead of applying for an art position or taking art classes.
During this winter Myrtle wrote him that Stella Appleton had moved to Kansas, whither her father had gone; and that his mother's health was bad, and that she did so want him to come home and stay awhile. It was about this time that he became acquainted with a little Scotch girl named Margaret Duff, who worked in the laundry, and became quickly involved in a relationship [Pg 44] which established a precedent in his experiences with women. Before this he had never physically known a girl. Now, and of a sudden, he was plunged into something which awakened a new, and if not evil, at least disrupting and disorganizing propensity of his character. He loved women, the beauty of the curves of their bodies. He loved beauty of feature and after a while was to love beauty of mind,—he did now, in a vague, unformed way,—but his ideal was as yet not clear to him. Margaret Duff represented some simplicity of attitude, some generosity of spirit, some shapeliness of form, some comeliness of feature,—it was not more. But, growing by what it fed on, his sex appetite became powerful. In a few weeks it had almost mastered him. He burned to be with this girl daily—and she was perfectly willing that he should, so long as the relationship did not become too conspicuous. She was a little afraid of her parents, although those two, being working people, retired early and slept soundly. They did not seem to mind her early philanderings with boys. This latest one was no novelty. It burned fiercely for three months—Eugene was eager, insatiable: the girl not so much so, but complaisant. She liked this evidence of fire in him,—the hard, burning flame she had aroused, and yet after a time she got a little tired. Then little personal differences arose,—differences of taste, differences of judgment, differences of interest. He really could not talk to her of anything serious, could not get a response to his more delicate emotions. For her part she could not find in him any ready appreciation of the little things she liked—theater jests, and the bright remarks of other boys and girls. She had some conception of what was tasteful in dress, but as for anything else, art, literature, public affairs, she knew nothing at all, while Eugene, for all his youth, was intensely alive to what was going on in the great world. The sound of great names and great fames was in his ears,—Carlyle, Emerson, Thoreau, Whitman. He read of great philosophers, painters, musicians, meteors that sped across the intellectual sky of the western world, and he wondered. He felt as though some day he would be called to do something—in his youthful enthusiasm he half-thought it might be soon. He knew that this girl he was trifling with could not hold him. She had lured him, but once lured he was master, judge, critic. He was beginning to feel that he could get along without her,—that he could find someone better.
During that winter, Myrtle wrote to him that Stella Appleton had moved to Kansas, where her father had gone, and that his mother’s health was poor, and she really wanted him to come home and stay for a while. Around this time, he met a little Scottish girl named Margaret Duff, who worked in the laundry, and he quickly got involved in a relationship that set a standard for his experiences with women. Before this, he had never been physical with a girl. Suddenly, he was thrown into something that awakened a new, and if not bad, at least disruptive and disorganizing part of his character. He loved women, the beauty of their curves. He loved beautiful features and, after a while, would come to appreciate beautiful minds as well—he did now, in a vague, unformed way—but his ideal was still unclear to him. Margaret Duff represented some simplicity of attitude, some generosity of spirit, some shapeliness, and some attractiveness—not much more. But, feeding on this, his sexual appetite became strong. In just a few weeks, it nearly took over him. He longed to be with this girl every day—and she was perfectly okay with this as long as their relationship didn’t become too obvious. She was a bit afraid of her parents, though those two, being working-class folks, went to bed early and slept soundly. They didn’t seem to care about her early flings with boys. This latest one wasn’t anything new. It burned intensely for three months—Eugene was eager, insatiable; the girl was less enthusiastic but accommodating. She enjoyed seeing the passion in him—the intense flame she had sparked—but after a while, she got a little tired of it. Then small personal differences came up—differences in taste, judgment, and interests. He really couldn’t talk to her about anything serious and couldn’t get a response to his more sensitive feelings. She, on her side, couldn’t find in him an appreciation for the little things she liked—humorous theater lines, and the witty remarks of other boys and girls. She had some idea of what was fashionable in clothes, but when it came to anything else—art, literature, public affairs—she knew nothing, while Eugene, despite his youth, was very aware of what was happening in the larger world. The names and reputations of great figures echoed in his mind—Carlyle, Emerson, Thoreau, Whitman. He read about great philosophers, painters, musicians, and the bright stars of the intellectual realm of the western world, and he felt wonder. He sensed that someday he would be called to do something significant—in his youthful excitement, he half-believed it could happen soon. He realized that this girl he was just fooling around with couldn’t hold him. She had drawn him in, but now that he was hooked, he felt himself to be the master, the judge, the critic. He was starting to think he could manage without her—that he could find someone better.
Naturally such an attitude would make for the death of passion, as the satiation of passion would make for the development of such an attitude. Margaret became indifferent. She resented [Pg 45] his superior airs, his top-lofty tone at times. They quarreled over little things. One night he suggested something that she ought to do in the haughty manner customary with him.
Naturally, that kind of attitude would kill passion, just as satisfying passion would create that kind of attitude. Margaret became indifferent. She was annoyed by his superior attitude and his arrogant tone at times. They argued over trivial matters. One night, he suggested something she should do in the haughty way he usually did.
"Oh, don't be so smart!" she said. "You always talk as though you owned me."
"Oh, don't be so clever!" she said. "You always speak like you own me."
"I do," he said jestingly.
"I do," he said jokingly.
"Do you?" she flared. "There are others."
"Do you?" she snapped. "There are other people."
"Well, whenever you're ready you can have them. I'm willing."
"Whenever you're ready, you can have them. I'm up for it."
The tone cut her, though actually it was only an ill-timed bit of teasing, more kindly meant than it sounded.
The tone stung her, but it was really just a poorly timed joke, meant to be more friendly than it seemed.
"Well, I'm ready now. You needn't come to see me unless you want to. I can get along."
"Well, I'm ready now. You don't have to come see me unless you want to. I can manage."
She tossed her head.
She flipped her hair.
"Don't be foolish, Margy," he said, seeing the ill wind he had aroused. "You don't mean that."
"Don't be silly, Margy," he said, noticing the negative mood he had caused. "You don't really mean that."
"Don't I? Well, we'll see." She walked away from him to another corner of the room. He followed her, but her anger re-aroused his opposition. "Oh, all right," he said after a time. "I guess I'd better be going."
"Don't I? We'll see about that." She walked to another corner of the room. He followed her, but her anger made him resist again. "Fine," he said after a moment. "I guess I should head out."
She made no response, neither pleas nor suggestions. He went and secured his hat and coat and came back. "Want to kiss me good-bye?" he inquired.
She didn’t say anything, no pleas or suggestions. He grabbed his hat and coat and returned. "Want to kiss me goodbye?" he asked.
"No," she said simply.
"No," she said.
"Good-night," he called.
"Good night," he called.
"Good-night," she replied indifferently.
"Goodnight," she replied indifferently.
The relationship was never amicably readjusted after this, although it did endure for some time.
The relationship was never properly fixed after this, even though it lasted for a while.
CHAPTER V
For the time being this encounter stirred to an almost unbridled degree Eugene's interest in women. Most men are secretly proud of their triumph with woman—their ability to triumph—and any evidence of their ability to attract, entertain, hold, is one of those things which tends to give them an air of superiority and self-sufficiency which is sometimes lacking in those who are not so victorious. This was, in its way, his first victory of the sort, and it pleased him mightily. He felt much more sure of himself instead of in any way ashamed. What, he thought, did the silly boys back in Alexandria know of life compared to this? Nothing. He was in Chicago now. The world was different. He was finding himself to be a man, free, individual, of interest to other personalities. Margaret Duff had told him many pretty things about himself. She had complimented his looks, his total appearance, his taste in the selection of particular things. He had felt what it is to own a woman. He strutted about for a time, the fact that he had been dismissed rather arbitrarily having little weight with him because he was so very ready to be dismissed, sudden dissatisfaction with his job now stirred up in him, for ten dollars a week was no sum wherewith any self-respecting youth could maintain himself,—particularly with a view to sustaining any such relationship as that which had just ended. He felt that he ought to get a better place.
For now, this encounter sparked Eugene's interest in women like never before. Most men secretly take pride in their successes with women—their ability to win over—and any sign of their charm, ability to entertain, or ability to keep a woman's attention gives them a sense of superiority and self-sufficiency that those who aren't as successful often lack. This was his first success in that regard, and it made him feel incredibly pleased. He felt more confident instead of ashamed. What, he thought, did the foolish boys back in Alexandria know about life compared to this? Nothing. He was in Chicago now. The world was different. He was discovering himself as a man, free and interesting to other people. Margaret Duff had said many nice things about him. She had complimented his looks, his overall appearance, his taste in various things. He had felt what it meant to have a woman by his side. He walked around with a sense of pride, not bothered much by how he had been dismissed since he was quite ready to be dismissed. However, this sudden dissatisfaction with his job stirred something within him, because ten dollars a week wasn't enough for any self-respecting young man to maintain himself, especially if he wanted to continue any kind of relationship like the one that had just ended. He felt he should find a better job.
Then one day a woman to whom he was delivering a parcel at her home in Warren Avenue, stopped him long enough to ask: "What do you drivers get a week for your work?"
Then one day, a woman he was delivering a package to at her home on Warren Avenue stopped him long enough to ask, "How much do you drivers make a week?"
"I get ten dollars," said Eugene. "I think some get more."
"I get ten bucks," said Eugene. "I think some get more."
"You ought to make a good collector," she went on. She was a large, homely, incisive, straight-talking woman. "Would you like to change to that kind of work?"
"You'd make a great collector," she continued. She was a big, plain-spoken woman with a sharp tongue. "Would you want to switch to that kind of job?"
Eugene was sick of the laundry business. The hours were killing. He had worked as late as one o'clock Sunday morning.
Eugene was tired of the laundry business. The hours were brutal. He had worked as late as 1 a.m. on Sunday.
"I think I would," he exclaimed. "I don't know anything about it, but this work is no fun."
"I think I would," he said. "I don't know anything about it, but this job is not enjoyable."
"My husband is the manager of The People's Furniture Company," she went on. "He needs a good collector now and then. I think he's going to make a change very soon. I'll speak to him."
"My husband is the manager of The People's Furniture Company," she continued. "He needs a reliable collector from time to time. I believe he’s planning to make a change very soon. I’ll have a chat with him."
[Pg 47] Eugene smiled joyously and thanked her. This was surely a windfall. He was anxious to know what collectors were paid but he thought it scarcely tactful to ask.
[Pg 47] Eugene smiled happily and thanked her. This was definitely a lucky break. He was eager to find out how much collectors earned, but he thought it would be impolite to ask.
"If he gives you a job you will probably get fourteen dollars to begin with," she volunteered.
"If he gives you a job, you'll probably start with fourteen dollars," she offered.
Eugene thrilled. That would be really a rise in the world. Four dollars more! He could get some nice clothes out of that and have spending money besides. He might get a chance to study art. His visions began to multiply. One could get up in the world by trying. The energetic delivery he had done for this laundry had brought him this. Further effort in the other field might bring him more. And he was young yet.
Eugene was excited. That would really be a step up in the world. Four more dollars! He could get some nice clothes with that and have extra cash to spend. He might even have a chance to study art. His dreams started to expand. You could really move up in the world if you put in the effort. The enthusiastic work he had done for this laundry had earned him this. More effort in another area might bring him even more. And he was still young.
He had been working for the laundry company for six months. Six weeks later, Mr. Henry Mitchly, manager of the People's Furniture, wrote him care of the laundry company to call at his home any evening after eight and he would see him. "My wife has spoken to me of you," he added.
He had been working for the laundry company for six months. Six weeks later, Mr. Henry Mitchly, manager of the People's Furniture, wrote to him at the laundry company, asking him to come to his house any evening after eight, and he would meet with him. "My wife has mentioned you to me," he added.
Eugene complied the same day that he received the note, and was looked over by a lean, brisk, unctuous looking man of forty, who asked him various questions as to his work, his home, how much money he took in as a driver, and what not. Finally he said, "I need a bright young man down at my place. It's a good job for one who is steady and honest and hardworking. My wife seems to think you work pretty well, so I'm willing to give you a trial. I can put you to work at fourteen dollars. I want you to come to see me a week from Monday."
Eugene complied the same day he got the note, and a lean, energetic, slick-looking man in his forties reviewed him. He asked various questions about his job, his home, how much money he earned as a driver, and more. Finally, he said, "I need a smart young man at my place. It's a good job for someone who is dependable, honest, and hardworking. My wife thinks you work pretty well, so I'm willing to give you a chance. I can offer you work at fourteen dollars. I want you to come see me a week from Monday."
Eugene thanked him. He decided, on Mr. Mitchly's advice, to give his laundry manager a full week's notice. He told Margaret that he was leaving and she was apparently glad for his sake. The management was slightly sorry, for Eugene was a good driver. During his last week he helped break in a new man in his place, and on Monday appeared before Mr. Mitchly.
Eugene thanked him. Following Mr. Mitchly's advice, he decided to give his laundry manager a full week's notice. He informed Margaret that he was leaving, and she seemed genuinely happy for him. The management felt a bit sad, as Eugene was a great driver. In his final week, he assisted in training a new guy to take over his position, and on Monday, he met with Mr. Mitchly.
Mr. Mitchly was glad to have him, for he had seen him as a young man of energy and force. He explained the simple nature of the work, which was to take bills for clocks, silverware, rugs, anything which the company sold, and go over the various routes collecting the money due,—which would average from seventy five to a hundred and twenty-five dollars a day. "Most companies in our line require a bond," he explained, "but we haven't come to that yet. I think I know honest young men when I see them. Anyhow we have a system of inspection. If a man's inclined to be dishonest he can't get very far with us."
Mr. Mitchly was pleased to have him on board because he saw him as a young man full of energy and strength. He outlined the straightforward nature of the job, which involved picking up invoices for clocks, silverware, rugs, and anything else the company sold, and traveling various routes to collect the money owed—typically ranging from seventy-five to one hundred twenty-five dollars a day. "Most companies in our field require a bond," he said, "but we haven't reached that point yet. I like to think I can recognize honest young men when I see them. Anyway, we have a system for monitoring. If someone is inclined to be dishonest, they won't get very far with us."
Eugene had never thought of this question of honesty very much. He had been raised where he did not need to worry about [Pg 48] the matter of a little pocket change, and he had made enough at the Appeal to supply his immediate wants. Besides, among the people he had always associated with it was considered a very right and necessary thing to be honest. Men were arrested for not being. He remembered one very sad case of a boy he knew being arrested at Alexandria for breaking into a store at night. That seemed a terrible thing to him at the time. Since then he had been speculating a great deal, in a vague way as to what honesty was, but he had not yet decided. He knew that it was expected of him to account for the last penny of anything that was placed in his keeping and he was perfectly willing to do so. The money he earned seemed enough if he had to live on it. There was no need for him to aid in supporting anyone else. So he slipped along rather easily and practically untested.
Eugene had never really thought much about the question of honesty. He grew up not having to worry about a little pocket change, and he made enough at the Appeal to cover his immediate needs. Plus, in the circles he ran with, being honest was seen as very right and essential. People were arrested for being dishonest. He recalled a particularly sad story about a boy he knew who got arrested in Alexandria for breaking into a store at night. That seemed like a terrible thing to him back then. Since then, he had been thinking a lot, vaguely wondering about what honesty really meant, but he hadn’t reached any conclusions. He understood that he was expected to account for every penny of anything given to him, and he was completely okay with that. The money he earned felt sufficient for his own living expenses. He didn’t need to support anyone else. So he just went about his life fairly easily and without any real challenges.
Eugene took the first day's package of bills as laid out for him, and carefully went from door to door. In some places money was paid him for which he gave a receipt, in others he was put off or refused because of previous difficulties with the company. In a number of places people had moved, leaving no trace of themselves, and packing the unpaid for goods with them. It was his business, as Mr. Mitchly explained, to try to get track of them from the neighbors.
Eugene took the first day's bill collection list that was organized for him and went door to door. In some locations, people paid him, and he provided a receipt. In other cases, he was turned away or denied payment due to past issues with the company. In several spots, residents had moved without a trace, taking unpaid items with them. Mr. Mitchly had explained that it was his job to try to track them down through their neighbors.
Eugene saw at once that he was going to like the work. The fresh air, the out-door life, the walking, the quickness with which his task was accomplished, all pleased him. His routes took him into strange and new parts of the city, where he had never been before, and introduced him to types he had never met. His laundry work, taking him from door to door, had been a freshening influence, and this was another. He saw scenes that he felt sure he could, when he had learned to draw a little better, make great things of,—dark, towering factory-sites, great stretches of railroad yards laid out like a puzzle in rain, snow, or bright sunlight; great smoke-stacks throwing their black heights athwart morning or evening skies. He liked them best in the late afternoon when they stood out in a glow of red or fading purple. "Wonderful," he used to exclaim to himself, and think how the world would marvel if he could ever come to do great pictures like those of Doré. He admired the man's tremendous imagination. He never thought of himself as doing anything in oils or water colors or chalk—only pen and ink, and that in great, rude splotches of black and white. That was the way. That was the way force was had.
Eugene immediately realized he was going to enjoy the work. The fresh air, the outdoor lifestyle, the walking, and the speed at which he completed his tasks all made him happy. His routes took him into unfamiliar areas of the city where he had never been before, introducing him to people he had never encountered. His laundry job, which involved going door to door, had been a refreshing experience, and this was another one. He saw scenes that he felt sure he could create amazing artworks of once he got a bit better at drawing—dark, towering factory sites, vast stretches of railroad yards laid out like puzzles in the rain, snow, or bright sunlight; tall smokestacks silhouetted against the morning or evening skies. He liked them best in the late afternoon when they stood out in hues of red or fading purple. "Incredible," he would exclaim to himself, imagining how the world would be in awe if he could ever create fantastic pictures like those of Doré. He admired that man’s immense imagination. He never considered himself doing anything in oils, watercolors, or chalk—only pen and ink, and that in bold, rough splotches of black and white. That was the way. That was how to capture force.
But he could not do them. He could only think them.
But he couldn't do them. He could only think them.
One of his chief joys was the Chicago river, its black, mucky [Pg 49] water churned by puffing tugs and its banks lined by great red grain elevators and black coal chutes and yellow lumber yards. Here was real color and life—the thing to draw; and then there were the low, drab, rain-soaked cottages standing in lonely, shabby little rows out on flat prairie land, perhaps a scrubby tree somewhere near. He loved these. He would take an envelope and try to get the sense of them—the feel, as he called it—but it wouldn't come. All he did seemed cheap and commonplace, mere pointless lines and stiff wooden masses. How did the great artists get their smoothness and ease? He wondered.
One of his main joys was the Chicago River, its dark, muddy [Pg 49] water stirred up by puffing tugboats, with its banks lined by big red grain elevators, black coal chutes, and yellow lumber yards. This was real color and life—the perfect inspiration; and then there were the low, dull, rain-soaked cottages standing in lonely, rundown rows out on the flat prairie, maybe a scraggly tree nearby. He loved these. He would take an envelope and try to capture their essence—the feel, as he called it—but it just wouldn’t come. Everything he did felt cheap and ordinary, just aimless lines and stiff wooden shapes. How did the great artists achieve such smoothness and ease? He wondered.
CHAPTER VI
Eugene collected and reported faithfully every day, and had managed to save a little money. Margaret was now a part of his past. His landlady, Mrs. Woodruff, had gone to live with a daughter in Sedalia, Missouri, and he had moved to a comparatively nice house in East Twenty-first Street on the South Side. It had taken his eye because of a tree in a fifty foot space of ground before it. Like his other room it cost him little, and he was in a private family. He arranged a twenty cent rate per meal for such meals as he took there, and thus he managed to keep his bare living expenses down to five dollars a week. The remaining nine he spent sparingly for clothes, car-fare, and amusements—almost nothing of the latter. When he saw he had a little money in reserve he began to think of looking up the Art Institute, which had been looming up in his mind as an avenue of advancement, and find out on what condition he could join a night class in drawing. They were very reasonable, he heard, only fifteen dollars a quarter, and he decided to begin if the conditions were not too severe. He was beginning to be convinced that he was born to be an artist—how soon he could not tell.
Eugene kept track of everything diligently each day and had managed to save some money. Margaret was now a part of his past. His landlady, Mrs. Woodruff, had moved in with her daughter in Sedalia, Missouri, and he had relocated to a relatively nice house on East Twenty-first Street on the South Side. He was drawn to it because of a tree in the fifty-foot yard in front. Like his previous room, it was affordable, and he was staying with a private family. He arranged a twenty-cent rate for meals he had there, which allowed him to keep his basic living expenses down to five dollars a week. He spent the remaining nine dollars sparingly on clothes, transportation, and entertainment—almost none of the latter. When he noticed that he had a bit of money saved up, he began to consider checking out the Art Institute, which had been on his mind as a way to advance his career, and to find out what the requirements were to join a drawing night class. He heard they were quite reasonable, only fifteen dollars per quarter, and he decided to start if the conditions weren’t too tough. He was starting to believe that he was meant to be an artist—how soon, he couldn’t say.
The old Art Institute, which preceded the present impressive structure, was located at Michigan Avenue and Monroe Street, and presented an atmosphere of distinction which was not present in most of the structures representing the public taste of the period. It was a large six storey building of brown stone, and contained a number of studios for painters, sculptors, and music teachers, besides the exhibition rooms and the rooms for the classes. There were both day and evening classes, and even at that time a large number of students. The western soul, to a certain extent, was fired by the wonder of art. There was so little of it in the life of the people—the fame of those who could accomplish things in this field and live in a more refined atmosphere was great. To go to Paris! To be a student in any one of the great ateliers of that city! Or of Munich or Rome, to know the character of the artistic treasures of Europe—the life of the Art quarter—that was something. There was what might have been termed a wild desire in the breast of many an untutored boy and girl to get out of the ranks of the commonplace; to assume the character and the [Pg 51] habiliments of the artistic temperament as they were then supposed to be; to have a refined, semi-languorous, semi-indifferent manner; to live in a studio, to have a certain freedom in morals and temperament not accorded to the ordinary person—these were the great things to do and be. Of course, art composition was a part of this. You were supposed ultimately to paint great pictures or do noble sculptures, but in the meanwhile you could and should live the life of the artist. And that was beautiful and wonderful and free.
The old Art Institute, which came before the impressive building we have today, was located at Michigan Avenue and Monroe Street and gave off an air of distinction that most other public buildings of the time lacked. It was a big six-story brownstone and had several studios for painters, sculptors, and music teachers, in addition to exhibition rooms and classrooms. There were classes both during the day and in the evening, and even back then, a large number of students attended. The western spirit, to some extent, was inspired by the wonder of art. There was so little of it in people’s lives—the fame of those who excelled in this field and lived in a more refined atmosphere was significant. To go to Paris! To be a student in one of the city’s great studios! Or in Munich or Rome, to experience the character of Europe’s artistic treasures—the life in the art district—that was extraordinary. Many untaught boys and girls felt a strong desire to break free from the ordinary; to adopt the persona and style of the artistic temperament as it was then imagined; to cultivate a refined, semi-dreamy, semi-indifferent attitude; to live in a studio, and enjoy a level of freedom in morals and temperament that regular people didn’t have—these were the ultimate goals. Of course, art composition was part of this. You were expected to eventually create great paintings or noble sculptures, but in the meantime, you could and should live the life of an artist. And that was beautiful, wonderful, and liberating.
Eugene had long had some sense of this. He was aware that there were studios in Chicago; that certain men were supposed to be doing good work—he saw it in the papers. There were mentions now and then of exhibitions, mostly free, which the public attended but sparingly. Once there was an exhibition of some of the war pictures of Verestchagin, a great Russian painter who had come West for some purpose. Eugene saw them one Sunday afternoon, and was enthralled by the magnificence of their grasp of the elements of battle; the wonder of color; the truth of character; the dramatic quality; the sense of force and danger and horror and suffering which was somehow around and in and through everything that was shown. This man had virility and insight; stupendous imagination and temperament. Eugene stood and stared, wondering how such things could be done. Ever afterward the name of Verestchagin was like a great call to his imagination; that was the kind of an artist to be if you were going to be one.
Eugene had always had a sense of this. He knew that there were studios in Chicago and that certain people were said to be doing impressive work—he saw it in the news. Every so often, there were mentions of exhibitions, mostly free, which the public attended but not in large numbers. Once, there was an exhibition of some of Verestchagin's war paintings, a renowned Russian artist who had come to the West for some reason. Eugene saw them one Sunday afternoon and was captivated by the way they captured the elements of battle; the beauty of the colors; the authenticity of the characters; the dramatic quality; the feeling of force, danger, horror, and suffering that seemed to permeate everything on display. This man had strength and insight; incredible imagination and spirit. Eugene stood there, staring in awe, wondering how such things could be created. From that moment on, the name Verestchagin was a powerful inspiration to his imagination; that was the kind of artist to strive to be if you were going to be one.
Another picture came there once, which appealed to another side of his nature, although primarily the basis of its appeal was artistic. It was a great, warm tinted nude by Bouguereau, a French artist who was startling his day with his daring portrayal of the nude. The types he depicted were not namby-pamby little slim-bodied women with spindling qualities of strength and passion, but great, full-blown women whose voluptuous contour of neck and arms and torso and hip and thigh was enough to set the blood of youth at fever heat. The man obviously understood and had passion, love of form, love of desire, love of beauty. He painted with a sense of the bridal bed in the background; of motherhood and of fat, growing babies, joyously nursed. These women stood up big in their sense of beauty and magnetism, the soft lure of desire in their eyes, their full lips parted, their cheeks flushed with the blood of health. As such they were anathema to the conservative and puritanical in mind, the religious in temperament, the [Pg 52] cautious in training or taste. The very bringing of this picture to Chicago as a product for sale was enough to create a furore of objection. Such pictures should not be painted, was the cry of the press; or if painted, not exhibited. Bouguereau was conceived of by many as one of those dastards of art who were endeavoring to corrupt by their talent the morals of the world; there was a cry raised that the thing should be suppressed; and as is always the case in all such outbursts of special class opposition, the interest of the general public was aroused.
Another painting came there once, which appealed to another side of his nature, although at its core, the appeal was artistic. It was a great, warm-toned nude by Bouguereau, a French artist who was shocking for his time with his bold portrayal of nudity. The subjects he depicted were not dainty little slim women with fragile qualities of strength and passion, but big, full-figured women whose voluptuous curves of neck, arms, torso, hips, and thighs were enough to set the blood of youth on fire. The man clearly understood passion, a love of form, desire, and beauty. He painted with a sense of the bridal bed in the background; of motherhood and the joy of nurturing plump, growing babies. These women exuded beauty and magnetism, with the soft allure of desire in their eyes, their full lips parted, and their cheeks flushed with health. As such, they were detested by those who held conservative and puritanical views, those with religious temperaments, and those who were cautious in their training or tastes. The very act of bringing this painting to Chicago as a product for sale was enough to create an uproar of objection. The press cried out that such paintings should not be created; or if created, not shown. Many viewed Bouguereau as one of those art scoundrels trying to corrupt the world's morals with his talent; there was a call for the piece to be suppressed; and as is always the case with such outbursts of specific class opposition, the general public's interest was piqued.
Eugene was one of those who noted the discussion. He had never seen a picture by Bouguereau or, indeed, an original nude by any other artist. Being usually at liberty after three o'clock, he was free to visit some of these things, and having found it possible to do his work in good clothes he had come to wear his best suit every day. He was a fairly presentable youth with a solemn mien, and his request to be shown anything in any art store would have aroused no surprise. He looked as though he belonged to the intellectual and artistic classes.
Eugene was one of those who paid attention to the conversation. He had never seen a painting by Bouguereau or, for that matter, an original nude by any other artist. Usually free after three o'clock, he had the chance to check out some of these works, and since he managed to do his job in nice clothes, he started wearing his best suit every day. He was a reasonably put-together young man with a serious expression, and his request to see anything in any art store wouldn’t have raised any eyebrows. He looked like he was part of the intellectual and artistic circles.
Not being sure of what reception would be accorded one so young—he was now nearing twenty—he nevertheless ventured to stop at the gallery where the Bouguereau was being exhibited and ask to see it. The attendant in charge eyed him curiously, but led him back to a room hung in dark red, and turning on a burst of incandescent bulbs set in the ceiling of a red plush hung cabinet, pulled back the curtain revealing the picture. Eugene had never seen such a figure and face. It was a dream of beauty—his ideal come to life. He studied the face and neck, the soft mass of brown, sensuous hair massed at the back of the head, the flowerlike lips and soft cheeks. He marveled at the suggestion of the breasts and the abdomen, that potentiality of motherhood that is so firing to the male. He could have stood there hours dreaming, luxuriating, but the attendant who had left him alone with it for a few minutes returned.
Not being sure how someone his age—now almost twenty—would be received, he still decided to stop by the gallery where the Bouguereau was on display and asked to see it. The attendant glanced at him with curiosity but then led him to a room decorated in dark red. When the attendant switched on the bright incandescent bulbs in the ceiling of a cabinet draped in red plush, he pulled back the curtain to reveal the painting. Eugene had never seen such a figure and face before. It was a dream of beauty—his ideal brought to life. He examined the face and neck, the soft mass of brown, sensuous hair gathered at the back of the head, the flower-like lips, and the soft cheeks. He was captivated by the hint of the breasts and the abdomen, that potential for motherhood that is so alluring to men. He could have stood there for hours, lost in thought and pleasure, but the attendant who had left him alone with it for a few minutes came back.
"What is the price of this?" Eugene asked.
"What’s the price of this?" Eugene asked.
"Ten thousand dollars," was the reply.
"Ten thousand dollars," was the reply.
He smiled solemnly. "It's a wonderful thing," he said, and turned to go. The attendant put out the light.
He smiled seriously. "It's a great thing," he said, and turned to leave. The attendant switched off the light.
This picture, like those of Verestchagin, made a sharp impression on him. Curiously he had no longing to paint anything of this kind. He only rejoiced to look at it. It spoke to him of his present ideal of womanhood—physical beauty, and he longed with all his heart to find a creature like that who would look on him with favor.
This painting, much like those by Verestchagin, left a strong impression on him. Strangely enough, he had no desire to create anything similar. He simply enjoyed admiring it. It reflected his current ideal of womanhood—physical beauty—and he deeply wished to find someone like that who would see him in a positive light.
There were other exhibitions—one containing a genuine Rembrandt—which [Pg 53] impressed him, but none like these that had definitely stirred him. His interest in art was becoming eager. He wanted to find out all about it—to do something himself. One day he ventured to call at the Art Institute building and consult the secretary, who explained to him what the charges were. He learned from her, for she was a woman of a practical, clerical turn, that the classes ran from October to May, that he could enter a life or antique class or both, though the antique alone was advisable for the time, and a class in illustration, where costumes of different periods were presented on different models. He found that each class had an instructor of supposed note, whom it was not necessary for him to see. Each class had a monitor and each student was supposed to work faithfully for his own benefit. Eugene did not get to see the class rooms, but he gained a sense of the art of it all, nevertheless, for the halls and offices were decorated in an artistic way, and there were many plaster casts of arms, legs, busts, and thighs and heads. It was as though one stood in an open doorway and looked out upon a new world. The one thing that gratified him was that he could study pen and ink or brush in the illustration class, and that he could also join a sketch class from five to six every afternoon without extra charges if he preferred to devote his evening hours to studying drawing in the life class. He was a little astonished to learn from a printed prospectus given him that the life class meant nude models to work from—both men and women. He was surely approaching a different world now. It seemed necessary and natural enough, and yet there was an aloof atmosphere about it, something that suggested the inner precincts of a shrine, to which only talent was admitted. Was he talented? Wait! He would show the world, even if he was a raw country boy.
There were other exhibitions—one featuring a real Rembrandt—which [Pg 53] impressed him, but none like these that had truly stirred him. His interest in art was growing intense. He wanted to learn everything about it—to create something himself. One day, he decided to visit the Art Institute and talk to the secretary, who explained the costs involved. She informed him, being a practical, administrative type, that the classes ran from October to May, and that he could join either a life drawing class, an antique class, or both, though starting with the antique class was advisable. There was also a class in illustration, featuring costumes from various periods on different models. He found out that each class had an instructor of some repute, whom he didn’t need to meet. Each class had a monitor, and every student was expected to work diligently for their own benefit. Eugene didn’t get to see the classrooms, but he still felt a sense of the artistry, as the halls and offices were beautifully decorated, and there were many plaster casts of arms, legs, busts, thighs, and heads. It felt like standing in an open doorway looking out into a new world. The one thing that pleased him was that he could study with pen and ink or brush in the illustration class, and he could also join a sketch class from five to six every afternoon without extra fees if he wanted to spend his evenings studying drawing in the life class. He was a bit surprised to learn from a printed prospectus he received that the life class involved working from nude models—both male and female. He was definitely stepping into a different world now. It seemed necessary and natural enough, yet there was an air of exclusivity about it, something that felt like the inner sanctum of a shrine, where only those with talent were allowed. Was he talented? Just wait! He would show the world, even if he was just a naive country boy.
The classes which he decided to enter were first a life class which convened Monday, Wednesday and Friday evenings at seven in one of the study rooms and remained in session until ten o'clock, and second a sketch class which met from five to six every afternoon. Eugene felt that he knew little or nothing about figure and anatomy and had better work at that. Costume and illustration would have to wait, and as for the landscapes, or rather city-scapes, of which he was so fond, he could afford to defer those until he learned something of the fundamentals of art.
The classes he chose to take were first a life drawing class that met on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday evenings at seven in one of the study rooms and lasted until ten o'clock, and second a sketch class that took place every afternoon from five to six. Eugene felt he knew very little about figure and anatomy and should focus on that. Costume and illustration would have to wait, and as for the landscapes, or rather cityscapes, that he loved, he could put those off until he learned the basics of art.
Heretofore he had rarely attempted the drawing of a face or figure except in miniature and as details of a larger scene. Now he was confronted with the necessity of sketching in charcoal [Pg 54] the head or body of a living person, and it frightened him a little. He knew that he would be in a class with fifteen or twenty other male students. They would be able to see and comment on what he was doing. Twice a week an instructor would come around and pass upon his work. There were honors for those who did the best work during any one month, he learned from the prospectus, namely: first choice of seats around the model at the beginning of each new pose. The class instructors must be of considerable significance in the American art world, he thought, for they were N. A.'s, and that meant National Academicians. He little knew with what contempt this honor was received in some quarters, or he would not have attached so much significance to it.
Until now, he had rarely tried to draw a face or figure except in small sizes and as parts of a larger scene. Now he faced the challenge of sketching in charcoal [Pg 54] the head or body of a live person, and it scared him a bit. He knew he would be in a class with fifteen or twenty other male students who could see and critique his work. Twice a week, an instructor would come around to evaluate what he had done. He learned from the prospectus that there were rewards for those who produced the best work during any one month: namely, the first choice of seats around the model at the start of each new pose. He thought the class instructors must be quite important in the American art world since they were N. A.'s, which meant National Academicians. He had no idea how much contempt this honor was held in among some, or he wouldn’t have regarded it with such importance.
One Monday evening in October, armed with the several sheets of paper which he had been told to purchase by his all-informing prospectus, he began his work. He was a little nervous at sight of the brightly lighted halls and class rooms, and the moving crowd of young men and women did not tend to allay his fears. He was struck at once with the quality of gaiety, determination and easy grace which marked the different members of this company. The boys struck him as interesting, virile, in many cases good looking; the girls as graceful, rather dashing and confident. One or two whom he noted were beautiful in a dark way. This was a wonderful world.
One Monday evening in October, armed with several sheets of paper that his detailed prospectus told him to buy, he started his work. He felt a bit nervous seeing the brightly lit halls and classrooms, and the bustling crowd of young men and women didn’t help ease his anxiety. He was immediately taken by the vibrant mix of cheerfulness, determination, and effortless grace that defined the people around him. The guys seemed interesting, confident, and often good-looking; the girls appeared graceful, a bit daring, and self-assured. A couple of them caught his eye for their dark beauty. This was an amazing world.
The rooms too, were exceptional. They were old enough in use to be almost completely covered, as to the walls, with the accumulation of paint scraped from the palettes. There were no easels or other paraphernalia, but simply chairs and little stools—the former, as Eugene learned, to be turned upside down for easels, the latter for the students to sit on. In the center of the room was a platform, the height of an ordinary table, for the model to pose on, and in one corner a screen which constituted a dressing room. There were no pictures or statuary—just the bare walls—but curiously, in one corner, a piano. Out in the halls and in the general lounging center were pictures of nude figures or parts of figures posed in all sorts of ways which Eugene, in his raw, youthful way, thought suggestive. He secretly rejoiced to look at them but he felt that he must not say anything about what he thought. An art student, he felt sure, must appear to be indifferent to such suggestion—to be above such desire. They were here to work, not to dream of women.
The rooms were unique. They had been used long enough that the walls were almost completely covered with layers of paint scraped from palettes. There weren't any easels or other equipment, just chairs and small stools—the chairs, as Eugene learned, were turned upside down to serve as easels, while the stools were for the students to sit on. In the center of the room was a platform, about the height of a regular table, for the model to pose on, and in one corner was a screen that served as a dressing room. There were no pictures or sculptures—just bare walls—but interestingly, there was a piano in one corner. In the halls and the common lounge area were images of nude figures or parts of figures posed in various ways that Eugene, in his youthful innocence, found suggestive. He secretly delighted in looking at them but felt he shouldn't express his thoughts. He believed that an art student should appear indifferent to such suggestions and above such desires. They were there to work, not to fantasize about women.
When the time came for the classes to assemble there was a scurrying to and fro, conferring between different students, and [Pg 55] then the men found themselves in one set of rooms and the women in another. Eugene saw a young girl in his room, sitting up near the screen, idly gazing about. She was pretty, of a slightly Irish cast of countenance, with black hair and black eyes. She wore a cap that was an imitation of the Polish national head-dress, and a red cape. Eugene assumed her to be the class model and secretly wondered if he was really to see her in the nude. In a few minutes all the students were gathered, and then there was a stir as there strolled in a rather vigorous and picturesque man of thirty-six or thereabouts, who sauntered to the front of the room and called the class to order. He was clad in a shabby suit of grey tweed and crowned with a little brown hat, shoved rakishly over one ear, which he did not trouble to take off. He wore a soft blue hickory shirt without collar or tie, and looked immensely self-sufficient. He was tall and lean and raw-boned, with a face which was long and narrow; his eyes were large and wide set, his mouth big and firm in its lines; he had big hands and feet, and an almost rolling gait. Eugene assumed instinctively that this was Mr. Temple Boyle, N. A., the class instructor, and he imagined there would be an opening address of some kind. But the instructor merely announced that Mr. William Ray had been appointed monitor and that he hoped that there would be no disorder or wasting of time. There would be regular criticism days by him—Wednesdays and Fridays. He hoped that each pupil would be able to show marked improvement. The class would now begin work. Then he strolled out.
When it was time for the classes to gather, there was a flurry of movement, with students chatting amongst themselves, and then the men found themselves in one set of rooms and the women in another. Eugene noticed a young girl in his room, sitting near the screen, idly looking around. She was attractive, with a slight Irish look, black hair, and black eyes. She wore a cap that resembled the Polish national head-dress and a red cape. Eugene assumed she was the class model and secretly wondered if he would really see her naked. In a few minutes, all the students were assembled, and then there was a commotion as a rather lively and colorful man, around thirty-six years old, strolled to the front of the room and called the class to order. He was dressed in a worn grey tweed suit and topped off with a little brown hat, tilted jauntily over one ear, which he didn't bother to remove. He wore a soft blue hickory shirt without a collar or tie and looked extremely self-assured. He was tall, lean, and bony, with a long, narrow face; his eyes were large and widely spaced, and his mouth was big and well-defined; he had large hands and feet and walked with a slight roll. Eugene instinctively guessed this was Mr. Temple Boyle, N. A., the class instructor, and he assumed there would be some sort of opening speech. But the instructor simply announced that Mr. William Ray had been appointed as monitor and hoped there would be no disruptions or wasted time. There would be regular critique days on Wednesdays and Fridays, and he hoped each student would show noticeable improvement. The class would now begin work. Then he casually walked out.
Eugene soon learned from one of the students that this really was Mr. Boyle. The young Irish girl had gone behind the screen. Eugene could see partially, from where he was sitting, that she was disrobing. It shocked him a little, but he kept his courage and his countenance because of the presence of so many others. He turned a chair upside down as he saw the others do, and sat down on a stool. His charcoal was lying in a little box beside him. He straightened his paper on its board and fidgeted, keeping as still as he could. Some of the students were talking. Suddenly he saw the girl divest herself of a thin, gauze shirt, and the next moment she came out, naked and composed, to step upon the platform and stand perfectly erect, her arms by her side, her head thrown back. Eugene tingled and blushed and was almost afraid to look directly at her. Then he took a stick of charcoal and began sketching feebly, attempting to convey something of this personality and this pose to paper. It seemed a wonderful thing for him to be [Pg 56] doing—to be in this room, to see this girl posing so; in short, to be an art student. So this was what it was, a world absolutely different from anything he had ever known. And he was self-called to be a member of it.
Eugene soon found out from one of the students that this was actually Mr. Boyle. The young Irish girl had gone behind the screen. From where he was sitting, Eugene could partly see that she was getting undressed. It shocked him a bit, but he kept his composure because of all the other people around. He turned a chair upside down like the others did and sat down on a stool. His charcoal was in a small box next to him. He straightened his paper on the board and fidgeted, trying to stay as still as possible. Some of the students were chatting. Suddenly, he saw the girl take off a thin gauzy shirt, and the next moment she stepped onto the platform, naked and poised, standing perfectly upright with her arms at her sides and her head thrown back. Eugene felt a tingle and blushed, almost afraid to look directly at her. Then he picked up a stick of charcoal and started sketching timidly, trying to capture something of her personality and pose on paper. It felt amazing for him to be doing this—to be in this room, to see this girl posing like that; in short, to be an art student. So this was what it meant, a world completely different from anything he had ever known. And he had called himself to be a part of it.
CHAPTER VII
It was after he had decided to enter the art class that Eugene paid his first visit to his family. Though they were only a hundred miles away, he had never felt like going back, even at Christmas. Now it seemed to him he had something definite to proclaim. He was going to be an artist; and as to his work, he was getting along well in that. Mr. Mitchly appeared to like him. It was to Mr. Mitchly that he reported daily with his collections and his unsatisfied bills. The collections were checked up by Mr. Mitchly with the cash, and the unpaid bills certified. Sometimes Eugene made a mistake, having too much or too little, but the "too much" was always credited against the "too little," so that in the main he came out even. In money matters there was no tendency on Eugene's part to be dishonest. He thought of lots of things he wanted, but he was fairly well content to wait and come by them legitimately. It was this note in him that appealed to Mitchly. He thought that possibly something could be made of Eugene in a trade way.
It was after deciding to join the art class that Eugene paid his first visit to his family. Even though they were only a hundred miles away, he had never felt like going back, not even at Christmas. Now, it seemed like he had something important to share. He was going to be an artist; and as for his work, he was doing well with that. Mr. Mitchly seemed to like him. He reported to Mr. Mitchly daily with his collections and his unpaid bills. Mr. Mitchly verified the collections with the cash and confirmed the unpaid bills. Sometimes Eugene made a mistake, having too much or too little, but the "too much" was always adjusted against the "too little," so in the end, he broke even. When it came to money matters, Eugene had no inclination to be dishonest. He thought about many things he wanted, but he was quite content to wait and earn them the right way. It was this quality in him that appealed to Mitchly. He thought that maybe something could come of Eugene in a business sense.
He left the Friday night preceding Labor Day, the first Monday in September, which was a holiday throughout the city. He had told Mr. Mitchly that he thought of leaving Saturday after work for over Sunday and Monday, but Mr. Mitchly suggested that he might double up his Saturday's work with Thursday's and Friday's if he wished, and go Friday evening.
He left on the Friday night before Labor Day, the first Monday in September, which was a holiday across the city. He had told Mr. Mitchly that he was considering leaving Saturday after work to have Sunday and Monday off, but Mr. Mitchly suggested he could combine his Saturday work with Thursday's and Friday's if he wanted, and leave on Friday evening.
"Saturday's a short day, anyhow," he said. "That would give three days at home and still you wouldn't be behind in your work."
"Saturday is a short day, anyway," he said. "That would give you three days at home and you still wouldn't be behind on your work."
Eugene thanked his employer and did as suggested. He packed his bag with the best he had in the way of clothes, and journeyed homeward, wondering how he would find things. How different it all was! Stella was gone. His youthful unsophistication had passed. He could go home as a city man with some prospects. He had no idea of how boyish he looked—how much the idealist he was—how far removed from hard, practical judgment which the world values so highly.
Eugene thanked his boss and followed the advice. He packed his bag with the best clothes he had and headed home, wondering how things would be. Everything felt so different! Stella was gone. His youthful naivety was gone too. He could go home as a city guy with some opportunities. He had no clue how boyish he looked—how much of an idealist he still was—how far he was from the tough, practical judgment that the world values so much.
When the train reached Alexandria, his father and Myrtle and Sylvia were at the depot to greet him—the latter with her two year old son. They had all come down in the family carryall, which left one seat for Eugene. He greeted them [Pg 58] warmly and received their encomiums on his looks with a befitting sense of humility.
When the train arrived in Alexandria, his dad, Myrtle, and Sylvia were at the station to welcome him—Sylvia had her two-year-old son with her. They all traveled down in the family car, which left one seat for Eugene. He greeted them warmly and accepted their compliments about his appearance with a proper sense of humility. [Pg 58]
"You're bigger," his father exclaimed. "You're going to be a tall man after all, Eugene. I was afraid you had stopped growing."
"You're bigger," his father said. "You're going to be a tall guy after all, Eugene. I was worried you had stopped growing."
"I hadn't noticed that I had grown any," said Eugene.
"I didn't realize I had grown at all," said Eugene.
"Ah, yes," put in Myrtle. "You're much bigger, Gene. It makes you look a little thinner. Are you good and strong?"
"Ah, yes," Myrtle chimed in. "You look bigger, Gene. It makes you look a bit thinner. Are you feeling strong?"
"I ought to be," laughed Eugene. "I walk about fifteen or twenty miles a day, and I'm out in the air all the time. If I don't get strong now I never will."
"I should be," laughed Eugene. "I walk about fifteen or twenty miles a day, and I’m outside all the time. If I don’t get strong now, I never will."
Sylvia asked him about his "stomach trouble." About the same, he told her. Sometimes he thought it was better, sometimes worse. A doctor had told him to drink hot water in the morning but he didn't like to do it. It was so hard to swallow the stuff.
Sylvia asked him about his "stomach trouble." He told her it was about the same. Sometimes he thought it was better; sometimes it felt worse. A doctor had advised him to drink hot water in the morning, but he didn't like doing it. It was really hard to swallow that stuff.
While they were talking, asking questions, they reached the front gate of the house, and Mrs. Witla came out on the front porch. Eugene, at sight of her in the late dusk, jumped over the front wheel and ran to meet her.
While they were talking and asking questions, they arrived at the front gate of the house, and Mrs. Witla stepped out onto the front porch. Seeing her in the fading light, Eugene jumped over the front wheel and ran to greet her.
"Little ma," he exclaimed. "Didn't expect me back so soon, did you?"
"Hey, little mom," he said. "You didn't expect me back this soon, did you?"
"So soon," she said, her arms around his neck. Then she held him so, quite still for a few moments. "You're getting to be a big man," she said when she released him.
"So soon," she said, wrapping her arms around his neck. Then she held him like that, completely still for a few moments. "You're growing up to be a big man," she said when she let him go.
He went into the old sitting room and looked around. It was all quite the same—no change. There were the same books, the same table, the same chairs, the same pulley lamp hanging from the center of the ceiling. In the parlor there was nothing new, nor in the bed rooms or the kitchen. His mother looked a little older—his father not. Sylvia had changed greatly—being slightly "peaked" in the face compared to her former plumpness; it was due to motherhood, he thought. Myrtle seemed a little more calm and happy. She had a real "steady" now, Frank Bangs, the superintendent of the local furniture factory. He was quite young, good-looking, going to be well-off some day, so they thought. "Old Bill," one of the big horses, had been sold. Rover, one of the two collies, was dead. Jake the cat had been killed in a night brawl somewhere.
He walked into the old living room and looked around. Everything was just as before—no changes. The same books, the same table, the same chairs, the same pulley lamp hanging from the ceiling. The parlor had nothing new, nor did the bedrooms or the kitchen. His mother looked a bit older—his father didn’t. Sylvia had changed a lot—her face was slightly "peaked" compared to her former plumpness; he figured it was from motherhood. Myrtle seemed a little calmer and happier. She had a steady boyfriend now, Frank Bangs, the superintendent of the local furniture factory. He was quite young, good-looking, and expected to be well-off someday, or so they thought. "Old Bill," one of the big horses, had been sold. Rover, one of the two collies, had died. Jake the cat had been killed in a night fight somewhere.
Somehow, as Eugene stood in the kitchen watching his mother fry a big steak and make biscuits and gravy in honor of his coming, he felt that he did not belong to this world any more. It was smaller, narrower than he had ever thought. The town had seemed smaller as he had come through its streets, the houses [Pg 59] too; and yet it was nice. The yards were sweet and simple, but countrified. His father, running a sewing machine business, seemed tremendously limited. He had a country or small town mind. It struck Eugene as curious now, that they had never had a piano. And Myrtle liked music, too. As for himself, he had learned that he was passionately fond of it. There were organ recitals in the Central Music Hall, of Chicago, on Tuesday and Friday afternoons, and he had managed to attend some after his work. There were great preachers like Prof. Swing and the Rev. H. W. Thomas and the Rev. F. W. Gunsaulus and Prof. Saltus, liberal thinkers all, whose public services in the city were always accompanied by lovely music. Eugene had found all these men and their services in his search for life and to avoid being lonely. Now they had taught him that his old world was no world at all. It was a small town. He would never come to this any more.
Somehow, as Eugene stood in the kitchen watching his mom fry a big steak and make biscuits and gravy to celebrate his arrival, he felt like he didn’t belong to this world anymore. It was smaller and more limited than he'd ever realized. The town had felt smaller as he drove through its streets, and the houses too; yet it was charming. The yards were sweet and simple but had a country vibe. His dad, who ran a sewing machine business, seemed really restricted. He had a small-town mindset. Eugene now found it odd that they had never owned a piano, especially since Myrtle liked music. As for him, he had discovered his deep love for it. There were organ recitals at the Central Music Hall in Chicago on Tuesday and Friday afternoons, and he had managed to go to some after work. There were great speakers like Prof. Swing, Rev. H. W. Thomas, Rev. F. W. Gunsaulus, and Prof. Saltus, all liberal thinkers, whose public services in the city were always accompanied by beautiful music. Eugene had found all these men and their services in his quest for life and to avoid loneliness. Now, they had shown him that his old world wasn’t really a world at all. It was a small town. He would never return to this.
After a sound night's rest in his old room he went down the next day to see Mr. Caleb Williams at the Appeal office, and Mr. Burgess, and Jonas Lyle, and John Summers. As he went, on the court house square he met Ed Mitchell and George Taps and Will Groniger, and four or five others whom he had known in school. From them he learned how things were. It appeared that George Anderson had married a local girl and was in Chicago, working out in the stock yards. Ed Waterbury had gone to San Francisco. The pretty Sampson girl, Bessie Sampson, who had once gone with Ted Martinwood so much, had run away with a man from Anderson, Indiana. There had been a lot of talk about it at the time. Eugene listened.
After a good night's sleep in his old room, he went down the next day to see Mr. Caleb Williams at the Appeal office, along with Mr. Burgess, Jonas Lyle, and John Summers. As he walked through the courthouse square, he ran into Ed Mitchell, George Taps, Will Groniger, and a few others he had known in school. From them, he found out how things were going. It turned out that George Anderson had married a local girl and was in Chicago, working in the stockyards. Ed Waterbury had moved to San Francisco. The pretty Sampson girl, Bessie Sampson, who used to date Ted Martinwood a lot, had eloped with a man from Anderson, Indiana. There had been a lot of gossip about it back then. Eugene listened.
It all seemed less, though, than the new world that he had entered. Of these fellows none knew the visions that were now surging in his brain. Paris—no less—and New York—by what far route he could scarcely tell. And Will Groniger had got to be a baggage clerk at one of the two depots and was proud of it. Good Heavens!
It all felt smaller, though, than the new world he had just stepped into. None of these guys understood the thoughts racing through his mind. Paris—of all places—and New York—he could barely say how he ended up there. And Will Groniger had become a baggage clerk at one of the two train stations and was proud of it. Good grief!
At the office of the Appeal things were unchanged. Somehow Eugene had had the feeling that two years would make a lot of difference, whereas the difference was in him only. He was the one who had undergone cataclysmic changes. He had a been a stove polisher, a real estate assistant, a driver and a collector. He had known Margaret Duff, and Mr. Redwood, of the laundry, and Mr. Mitchly. The great city had dawned on him; Verestchagin, and Bouguereau, and the Art Institute. He was going on at one pace, the town was moving [Pg 60] at another one—a slower, but quite as fast as it had ever gone.
At the office of the Appeal, things were the same. Somehow, Eugene had thought that two years would make a big difference, but the change was only in him. He was the one who had gone through massive changes. He had been a stove polisher, a real estate assistant, a driver, and a collector. He had known Margaret Duff, Mr. Redwood from the laundry, and Mr. Mitchly. The great city had opened up to him; Verestchagin, Bouguereau, and the Art Institute. He was moving forward at one pace, while the city was progressing at another—slower, but still just as fast as it ever had been.
Caleb Williams was there, skipping about as of yore, cheerful, communicative, interested. "I'm glad to see you back, Eugene," he declared, fixing him with the one good eye which watered. "I'm glad you're getting along—that's fine. Going to be an artist, eh? Well, I think that's what you were cut out for. I wouldn't advise every young fellow to go to Chicago, but that's where you belong. If it wasn't for my wife and three children I never would have left it. When you get a wife and family though—" he paused and shook his head. "I gad! You got to do the best you can." Then he went to look up some missing copy.
Caleb Williams was there, bouncing around like he used to, cheerful, talkative, and interested. "I'm glad to see you back, Eugene," he said, focusing on him with his one good eye that teared up. "I'm happy you're doing well—that's great. Planning to be an artist, huh? I think that's what you're meant for. I wouldn't tell every young guy to head to Chicago, but that's where you should be. If it weren’t for my wife and three kids, I would never have left. But once you have a wife and family—" he paused and shook his head. "Wow! You have to make the best of it." Then he went off to find some missing copy.
Jonas Lyle was as portly, phlegmatic and philosophic as ever. He greeted Eugene with a solemn eye in which there was inquiry. "Well, how is it?" he asked.
Jonas Lyle was as plump, calm, and thoughtful as ever. He greeted Eugene with a serious look that showed he was curious. "So, how’s it going?" he asked.
Eugene smiled. "Oh, pretty good."
Eugene smiled. "Oh, really good."
"Not going to be a printer, then?"
"Not planning to be a printer, huh?"
"No, I think not."
"Nope, I don't think so."
"Well, it's just as well, there're an awful lot of them."
"Well, that's fine, there are a lot of them."
While they were talking John Summers sidled up.
While they were talking, John Summers casually approached.
"How are you, Mr. Witla?" he inquired.
"How are you, Mr. Witla?" he asked.
Eugene looked at him. John was certainly marked for the grave in the near future. He was thinner, of a bluish-grey color, bent at the shoulders.
Eugene looked at him. John was definitely headed for the grave soon. He was thinner, with a bluish-grey hue, and his shoulders were slumped.
"Why, I'm fine, Mr. Summers," Eugene said.
"Why, I'm good, Mr. Summers," Eugene said.
"I'm not so good," said the old printer. He tapped his chest significantly. "This thing's getting the best of me."
"I'm not doing so well," said the old printer. He tapped his chest meaningfully. "This thing's beating me."
"Don't you believe it," put in Lyle. "John's always gloomy. He's just as good as ever. I tell him he'll live twenty years yet."
"Don't you believe it," Lyle chimed in. "John's always down. He's just as good as ever. I tell him he'll be around for at least twenty more years."
"No, no," said Summers, shaking his head, "I know."
"No, no," said Summers, shaking his head, "I get it."
He left after a bit to "go across the street," his customary drinking excuse.
He left after a while to "go across the street," his usual excuse for drinking.
"He can't last another year," Lyle observed the moment the door was closed. "Burgess only keeps him because it would be a shame to turn him out. But he's done for."
"He can't last another year," Lyle noted as soon as the door shut. "Burgess only keeps him around because it would be a shame to kick him out. But he's finished."
"Anyone can see that," said Eugene. "He looks terrible."
"Anyone can see that," Eugene said. "He looks awful."
So they talked.
So they chatted.
At noon he went home. Myrtle announced that he was to come with her and Mr. Bangs to a party that evening. There were going to be games and refreshments. It never occurred to him that in this town there had never been dancing among the boys and girls he moved with, and scarcely any music. People did not have pianos—or at least only a few of them.
At noon, he went home. Myrtle said that he was going with her and Mr. Bangs to a party that evening. There would be games and snacks. He never thought about the fact that in this town, there had never been dancing among the kids he hung out with, and hardly any music at all. People didn’t have pianos—at least, not very many of them.
[Pg 61] After supper Mr. Bangs called, and the three of them went to a typical small town party. It was not much different from the ones Eugene had attended with Stella, except that the participants were, in the main, just that much older. Two years make a great deal of difference in youth. There were some twenty-two young men and women all crowded into three fair sized rooms and on a porch, the windows and doors leading to which were open. Outside were brown grass and some autumn flowers. Early crickets were chirping, and there were late fire-flies. It was warm and pleasant.
[Pg 61] After dinner, Mr. Bangs came over, and the three of them went to a typical small-town party. It was pretty similar to the ones Eugene had gone to with Stella, except that the people there were mostly a bit older. Two years really make a big difference in youth. There were about twenty-two young men and women all packed into three decent-sized rooms and out on a porch, with the windows and doors wide open. Outside, the grass was brown, and there were some autumn flowers. Early crickets were chirping, and a few late fireflies were still around. It was warm and pleasant.
The opening efforts to be sociable were a little stiff. There were introductions all around, much smart badinage among town dandies, for most of them were here. There were a number of new faces—girls who had moved in from other towns or blossomed into maturity since Eugene had left.
The initial attempts to socialize felt a bit awkward. Everyone introduced themselves, and there was plenty of witty banter among the local socialites, as most of them were present. There were several new faces—girls who had moved in from other towns or grown up since Eugene last left.
"If you'll marry me, Madge, I'll buy you a nice new pair of seal skin earrings," he heard one of the young bloods remark.
"If you marry me, Madge, I'll buy you a nice new pair of seal skin earrings," he heard one of the young guys say.
Eugene smiled, and the girl laughed back. "He always thinks he's so cute."
Eugene smiled, and the girl laughed in response. "He always thinks he's so charming."
It was almost impossible for Eugene to break through the opening sense of reserve which clogged his actions at everything in the way of social diversion. He was a little nervous because he was afraid of criticism. That was his vanity and deep egotism. He stood about, trying to get into the swing of the thing with a bright remark or two. Just as he was beginning to bubble, a girl came in from one of the other rooms. Eugene had not met her. She was with his prospective brother-in-law, Bangs, and was laughing in a sweet, joyous way which arrested his attention. She was dressed in white, he noticed, with a band of golden brown ribbon pulled through the loops above the flounces at the bottom of her dress. Her hair was a wonderful ashen yellow, a great mass of it—and laid in big, thick braids above her forehead and ears. Her nose was straight, her lips were thin and red, her cheek-bones faintly but curiously noticeable. Somehow there was a sense of distinction about her—a faint aroma of personality which Eugene did not understand. It appealed to him.
It was nearly impossible for Eugene to overcome the initial sense of hesitation that held him back from participating in any social activities. He felt a bit anxious because he was worried about what others might think of him. That was a reflection of his vanity and deep self-absorption. He lingered around, attempting to get into the groove of the gathering with a bright comment or two. Just as he was starting to feel comfortable, a girl entered from one of the other rooms. Eugene hadn't met her before. She was with his future brother-in-law, Bangs, and was laughing in a sweet, joyful way that caught his attention. She was wearing a white dress, which he noticed had a band of golden brown ribbon threaded through the loops above the flounces at the bottom. Her hair was a stunning ashen yellow, a large mass of it styled in thick braids above her forehead and ears. Her nose was straight, her lips thin and red, and her cheekbones subtly but intriguingly prominent. There was something undeniably special about her—a faint hint of personality that Eugene couldn’t quite grasp. It intrigued him.
Bangs brought her over. He was a tight, smiling youth, as sound as oak, as clear as good water.
Bangs brought her over. He was a lean, smiling young man, as sturdy as an oak tree, as clear as fresh water.
"Here's Miss Blue, Eugene. She's from up in Wisconsin, and comes down to Chicago occasionally. I told her you ought to know her. You might meet up there sometime."
"Here’s Miss Blue, Eugene. She’s from Wisconsin and comes down to Chicago sometimes. I mentioned that you should get to know her. You might run into her up there sometime."
"Say, but that's good luck, isn't it?" smiled Eugene. "I'm [Pg 62] sure I'm glad to know you. What part of Wisconsin do you come from?"
"Hey, that's good luck, right?" smiled Eugene. "I’m really glad to know you. Which part of Wisconsin are you from?"
"Blackwood," she laughed, her greenish-blue eyes dancing.
"Blackwood," she laughed, her greenish-blue eyes sparkling.
"Her hair is yellow, her eyes are blue, and she comes from Blackwood," commented Bangs. "How's that?" His big mouth, with its even teeth, was wide with a smile.
"Her hair is blonde, her eyes are blue, and she’s from Blackwood," Bangs remarked. "What do you think?" His large mouth, showcasing his straight teeth, was stretched into a big smile.
"You left out the blue name and the white dress. She ought to wear white all the time."
"You forgot the blue name and the white dress. She should wear white all the time."
"Oh, it does harmonize with my name, doesn't it?" she cried. "At home I do wear white mostly. You see I'm just a country girl, and I make most of my things."
"Oh, it really matches my name, doesn’t it?" she exclaimed. "At home, I mostly wear white. You see, I’m just a country girl, and I make most of my clothes."
"Did you make that?" asked Eugene.
"Did you create that?" asked Eugene.
"Of course I did."
"Of course I did."
Bangs moved away a little, looking at her as if critically. "Well, that's really pretty," he pronounced.
Bangs stepped back a bit, examining her as if he were judging her. "Well, that's really nice," he said.
"Mr. Bangs is such a flatterer," she smiled at Eugene. "He doesn't mean any thing he says. He just tells me one thing after another."
"Mr. Bangs is such a flatterer," she smiled at Eugene. "He doesn't mean anything he says. He just keeps telling me one thing after another."
"He's right," said Eugene. "I agree as to the dress, and it fits the hair wonderfully."
"He's right," Eugene said. "I agree about the dress, and it looks fantastic with the hair."
"You see, he's lost, too," laughed Bangs. "That's the way they all do. Well, I'm going to leave you two. I've got to get back. I left your sister in the hands of a rival of mine."
"You see, he's lost too," laughed Bangs. "That's how it always is. Anyway, I'm going to head out. I need to get back. I left your sister with one of my rivals."
Eugene turned to this girl and laughed his reserved laugh. "I was just thinking what was going to become of me. I've been away for two years, and I've lost track of some of these people."
Eugene looked at the girl and chuckled his quiet laugh. "I was just wondering what would happen to me. I've been gone for two years, and I've lost touch with some of these people."
"I'm worse yet. I've only been here two weeks and I scarcely know anybody. Mrs. King takes me around everywhere, but it's all so new I can't get hold of it. I think Alexandria is lovely."
"I'm even worse off. I've only been here for two weeks, and I hardly know anyone. Mrs. King shows me around everywhere, but it's all so new I can't wrap my head around it. I think Alexandria is beautiful."
"It is nice. I suppose you've been out on the lakes?"
"It’s nice. I guess you’ve been out on the lakes?"
"Oh, yes. We've fished and rowed and camped. I have had a lovely time but I have to go back tomorrow."
"Oh, yes. We’ve fished, rowed, and camped. I’ve had a great time, but I have to go back tomorrow."
"Do you?" said Eugene. "Why I do too. I'm going to take the four-fifteen."
"Do you?" said Eugene. "I do too. I'm going to take the 4:15."
"So am I!" she laughed. "Perhaps we can go together."
"So am I!" she laughed. "Maybe we can go together."
"Why, certainly. That's fine. I thought I'd have to go back alone. I only came down for over Sunday. I've been working up in Chicago."
"Of course. That works for me. I thought I would have to come back by myself. I only came down for the weekend. I've been working in Chicago."
They fell to telling each other their histories. She was from Blackwood, only eighty-five miles from Chicago, and had lived there all her life. There were several brothers and sisters. Her father was evidently a farmer and politician and what not, and Eugene gleaned from stray remarks that they must be well [Pg 63] thought of, though poor. One brother-in-law was spoken of as a banker; another as the owner of a grain elevator; she herself was a school teacher at Blackwood—had been for several years.
They started sharing their backgrounds. She was from Blackwood, just eighty-five miles from Chicago, and had lived there her whole life. She had several brothers and sisters. Her father was clearly a farmer and politician among other things, and Eugene picked up from random comments that they were likely respected, even if they were poor. One brother-in-law was mentioned as a banker; another as the owner of a grain elevator; she herself had been a school teacher in Blackwood for several years.
Eugene did not realize it, but she was fully five years older than himself, with the tact and the superior advantage which so much difference in years brings. She was tired of school-teaching, tired of caring for the babies of married sisters, tired of being left to work and stay at home when the ideal marrying age was rapidly passing. She was interested in able people, and silly village boys did not appeal to her. There was one who was begging her to marry him at this moment, but he was a slow soul up in Blackwood, not actually worthy of her nor able to support her well. She was hopefully, sadly, vaguely, madly longing for something better, and as yet nothing had ever turned up. This meeting with Eugene was not anything which promised a way out to her. She was not seeking so urgently—nor did she give introductions that sort of a twist in her consciousness. But this young man had an appeal for her beyond anyone she had met recently. They were in sympathetic accord, apparently. She liked his clear, big eyes, his dark hair, his rather waxen complexion. He seemed something better than she had known, and she hoped that he would be nice to her.
Eugene didn’t realize it, but she was five years older than him, with the insight and advantage that such an age difference brings. She was tired of teaching, tired of taking care of her sisters' kids, and tired of being stuck at home while her prime marrying age was slipping away. She was looking for capable people, and silly boys from the village didn't attract her. There was one guy, begging her to marry him right now, but he was a slow guy from Blackwood, not worthy of her, and couldn’t provide for her well. She was hopefully, sadly, vaguely, and desperately longing for something better, but nothing had ever come along. This encounter with Eugene didn’t really offer her a way out. She wasn't urgently seeking someone—nor did she have that kind of expectation weighing on her mind. But this young man caught her interest more than anyone she had met lately. They seemed to connect on some level. She liked his bright, big eyes, his dark hair, and his slightly pale complexion. He seemed like something better than she had encountered before, and she hoped he would be kind to her.
CHAPTER VIII
The rest of that evening Eugene spent not exactly with, but near Miss Blue—Miss Angela Blue, as he found her name to be. He was interested in her not so much from the point of view of looks, though she was charming enough, but because of some peculiarity of temperament which lingered with him as a grateful taste might dwell on the palate. He thought her young; and was charmed by what he considered her innocence and unsophistication. As a matter of fact she was not so much young and unsophisticated as an unconscious simulator of simplicity. In the conventional sense she was a thoroughly good girl, loyal, financially honest, truthful in all commonplace things, and thoroughly virtuous, moreover, in that she considered marriage and children the fate and duty of all women. Having had so much trouble with other peoples' children she was not anxious to have any, or at least many, of her own. Of course, she did not believe that she would escape with what seemed to be any such good fortune. She fancied that she would be like her sisters, the wife of a good business or professional man; the mother of three or four or five healthy children; the keeper of an ideal middle class home; the handmaiden of her husband's needs. There was a deep current of passion in her which she had come to feel would never be satisfied. No man would ever understand, no man at least whom she was likely to meet; but she knew she had a great capacity to love. If someone would only come along and arouse that—be worthy of it—what a whirlwind of affection she would return to him! How she would love, how sacrifice! But it seemed now that her dreams were destined never to be fulfilled, because so much time had slipped by and she had not been courted by the right one. So here she was now at twenty-five, dreaming and longing—the object of her ideals thus accidentally brought before her, and no immediate consciousness that that was the case.
That evening, Eugene spent time not exactly with, but close to Miss Blue—Miss Angela Blue, as he learned her name was. He found her interesting not just because she was charming, but because of some unique part of her personality that stuck with him, like a pleasant taste lingering on the tongue. He thought she was young and was captivated by what he saw as her innocence and simplicity. In reality, she was less young and naive than she was an unintentional performer of simplicity. In the conventional sense, she was a genuinely good girl: loyal, financially honest, truthful in everyday matters, and thoroughly virtuous, additionally believing that marriage and children were the destiny and duty of all women. Having had so much trouble with other people's kids, she wasn't eager to have many of her own. Of course, she didn’t think she would be spared from what seemed to be bad luck. She imagined she would end up like her sisters, married to a good businessman or professional man, the mother of three, four, or five healthy kids, running an ideal middle-class home, and attending to her husband's needs. There was a deep, unfulfilled passion inside her that she felt would never be satisfied. No man would ever understand—not at least any man she was likely to meet—but she knew she had a tremendous capacity to love. If only someone would come along and awaken that—be deserving of it—what a whirlwind of affection she would give in return! How much she would love and sacrifice! But it now seemed that her dreams were meant to remain unfulfilled because so much time had passed and she hadn’t met the right one. So here she was at twenty-five, dreaming and longing—the embodiment of her ideals inadvertently placed before her, with no immediate awareness that this was the case.
It does not take sexual affinity long to manifest itself, once its subjects are brought near to each other. Eugene was older in certain forms of knowledge, broader in a sense, potentially greater than she would ever comprehend; but nevertheless, swayed helplessly by emotion and desire. Her own emotions, though perhaps stronger than his, were differently aroused. The stars, the night, a lovely scene, any exquisite attribute of nature [Pg 65] could fascinate him to the point of melancholy. With her, nature in its largest aspects passed practically unnoticed. She responded to music feelingly, as did Eugene. In literature, only realism appealed to him; for her, sentiment, strained though not necessarily unreal, had the greatest charm. Art in its purely æsthetic forms meant nothing at all to her. To Eugene it was the last word in the matter of emotional perception. History, philosophy, logic, psychology, were sealed books to her. To Eugene they were already open doors, or, better yet, flowery paths of joy, down which he was wandering. Yet in spite of these things they were being attracted toward each other.
It doesn't take long for sexual attraction to show itself once people are close together. Eugene had more knowledge in certain areas, was broader in some ways, and had potential that she might never fully grasp; yet he was still helplessly swayed by emotion and desire. Her emotions, though probably stronger than his, were stirred in a different way. The stars, the night, a beautiful scene, any stunning aspect of nature [Pg 65] could captivate him to the point of sadness. For her, nature in its grandest forms went mostly unnoticed. She connected with music deeply, just like Eugene did. In literature, he only cared for realism; for her, sentiment—though sometimes exaggerated and not necessarily fake—held the greatest appeal. Purely aesthetic forms of art meant nothing to her. To Eugene, they were the ultimate expression of emotional understanding. History, philosophy, logic, psychology were foreign concepts to her. To Eugene, they were already open doors, or rather, beautiful pathways of joy that he was exploring. Yet despite all this, they were still being drawn to each other.
And there were other differences. With Eugene convention meant nothing at all, and his sense of evil and good was something which the ordinary person would not have comprehended. He was prone to like all sorts and conditions of human beings—the intellectual, the ignorant, the clean, the dirty, the gay, the sorrowful, white, yellow, black. As for Angela, she had a distinct preference for those who conducted themselves according to given standards of propriety. She was brought up to think of those people as best who worked the hardest, denied themselves the most, and conformed to the ordinary notions of right and wrong. There was no questioning of current standards in her mind. As it was written socially and ethically upon the tables of the law, so was it. There might be charming characters outside the pale, but they were not admitted to association or sympathy. To Eugene a human being was a human being. The ruck of misfits or ne'er-do-wells he could laugh joyously with or at. It was all wonderful, beautiful, amusing. Even its grimness and tragedy were worth while, although they hurt him terribly at times. Why, under these circumstances, he should have been so thoroughly attracted to Angela remains a mystery. Perhaps they complemented each other at this time as a satellite complements a larger luminary—for Eugene's egoism required praise, sympathy, feminine coddling; and Angela caught fire from the warmth and geniality of his temperament.
And there were other differences. For Eugene, convention meant nothing at all, and his understanding of good and evil was something the average person wouldn’t grasp. He tended to appreciate all types of people—the intellectual, the ignorant, the neat, the messy, the happy, the sad, regardless of their skin color. Angela, on the other hand, had a distinct preference for those who acted according to specific standards of decency. She was raised to believe that the best people are those who work the hardest, sacrifice the most, and stick to conventional ideas of right and wrong. In her mind, there was no questioning of accepted standards. What was socially and ethically written in the law was simply how things were. There might be charming individuals outside of that standard, but they weren't welcomed in her circles or afforded her sympathy. To Eugene, a person was a person. He could share laughter with or at the misfits or ne'er-do-wells. Everything was wonderful, beautiful, and amusing. Even the grim and tragic aspects were worthwhile, even though they sometimes hurt him deeply. Why he was so thoroughly drawn to Angela under these circumstances remains a mystery. Maybe they balanced each other out at that moment like a satellite orbits a larger star—Eugene’s egoism needed praise, sympathy, and gentle nurturing; while Angela drew energy from the warmth and friendliness of his nature.
On the train next day Eugene had nearly three hours of what he deemed most delightful talk with her. They had not journeyed far before he had told her how he had traveled this way, on this train, at this hour, two years before; how he had walked about the streets of the big city, looking for a place to sleep, how he had got work and stayed away until he felt that he had found himself. Now he was going to study art and then to New York or Paris, and do magazine illustrating and possibly paint pictures. He was truly your flamboyant youth of talent when he got to [Pg 66] talking—when he had a truly sympathetic ear. He loved to boast to someone who really admired him, and he felt that he had admiration here. Angela looked at him with swimming eyes. He was really different from anything she had ever known, young, artistic, imaginative, ambitious. He was going out into a world which she had longed for but never hoped to see—that of art. Here he was telling her of his prospective art studies, and talking of Paris. What a wonderful thing!
The next day on the train, Eugene had almost three hours of what he thought was the most enjoyable conversation with her. They hadn't traveled far before he shared how he had taken this same train, at this same hour, two years earlier; how he had wandered the streets of the big city, searching for a place to sleep, how he had found work and stayed away until he felt like he had discovered himself. Now he was planning to study art and then head to New York or Paris to do magazine illustration and maybe paint pictures. He truly became your lively, talented young man when he got to talking—especially when he had a genuinely understanding listener. He loved to share his accomplishments with someone who truly admired him, and he felt that admiration here. Angela looked at him with awe in her eyes. He was really unlike anyone she had ever met—young, artistic, imaginative, ambitious. He was venturing into a world that she yearned for but never dreamed she would experience—that of art. Here he was, sharing his plans for art studies and talking about Paris. What a wonderful thing!
As the train neared Chicago she explained that she would have to make an almost immediate connection with one which left over the Chicago Milwaukee and St. Paul, for Blackwood. She was a little lonely, to tell the truth, a little sick at heart, for the summer vacation was over and she was going back to teach school. Alexandria, for the two weeks she had been there visiting Mrs. King (formerly a Blackwood girl and school-day chum of hers), was lovely. Her girlhood friend had tried to make things most pleasant and now it was all over. Even Eugene was over, for he said nothing much of seeing her again, or had not so far. She was wishing she might see more of this world he painted in such glowing colors, when he said:
As the train approached Chicago, she mentioned that she needed to make a quick transfer to another train heading over the Chicago Milwaukee and St. Paul line to Blackwood. Honestly, she felt a bit lonely and a bit heartbroken because summer break was ending, and she was returning to her teaching job. Alexandria had been beautiful during the two weeks she spent visiting Mrs. King, who used to be a Blackwood girl and her childhood friend. Her friend had done everything possible to make her stay enjoyable, but now it was all coming to an end. Even Eugene seemed distant, as he hadn't really talked about seeing her again. She was wishing for a glimpse of the world he described so vibrantly when he said:
"Mr. Bangs said that you come down to Chicago every now and then?"
"Mr. Bangs mentioned that you come to Chicago every now and then?"
"I do," she replied. "I sometimes come down to go to the theatres and shop." She did not say that there was an element of practical household commercialism in it, for she was considered one of the best buyers in the family and that she was sent to buy by various members of the family in quantities. From a practical household point of view she was a thoroughbred and was valued by her sisters and friends as someone who loved to do things. She might have come to be merely a family pack horse, solely because she loved to work. It was instinct to do everything she did thoroughly, but she worked almost exclusively in minor household matters.
"I do," she said. "I sometimes come down to go to the theaters and shop." She didn’t mention that there was a practical side to it, as she was regarded as one of the best shoppers in the family and was often sent by various family members to buy things in bulk. From a practical household perspective, she was exceptional and was appreciated by her sisters and friends for her willingness to take on tasks. She could have easily become just a family errand-runner, simply because she enjoyed being productive. It was in her nature to do everything thoroughly, although she mostly focused on smaller household tasks.
"How soon do you expect to come down again?" he asked.
"How soon do you think you'll be back down?" he asked.
"Oh, I can't tell. I sometimes come down when Opera is on in the winter. I may be here around Thanksgiving."
"Oh, I can't say. I sometimes come downstairs when Opera is on during the winter. I might be here around Thanksgiving."
"Not before that?"
"Not before then?"
"I don't think so," she replied archly.
"I don't think so," she replied with a smug tone.
"That's too bad. I thought maybe I'd see you a few times this fall. When you do come I wish you could let me know. I'd like to take you to the theatre."
"That's a shame. I thought I might see you a few times this fall. When you do come, I hope you can let me know. I'd love to take you to the theater."
Eugene spent precious little money on any entertainment, but he thought he could venture this. She would not be down often. Then, too, he had the notion that he might get a rise [Pg 67] one of these days—that would make a difference. When she came again he would be in art school, opening up another field for himself. Life looked hopeful.
Eugene hardly spent any money on entertainment, but he thought he could take a chance this time. She wouldn’t be around often. Plus, he had the idea that he might get a boost someday—that would change things. When she visited again, he would be in art school, opening up a new path for himself. Life seemed promising.
"That's so nice of you," she replied. "And when I come I'll let you know. I'm just a country girl," she added, with a toss of her head, "and I don't get to the city often."
"That's really nice of you," she said. "And when I come, I'll let you know. I'm just a small-town girl," she added, tossing her head, "and I don't get to the city much."
Eugene liked what he considered the guileless naïveté of her confessions—the frankness with which she owned up to simplicity and poverty. Most girls didn't. She almost made a virtue out of these thing—at least they were charming as a confession in her.
Eugene appreciated what he saw as her sincere naivety in her confessions—the honesty with which she admitted to being simple and poor. Most girls didn’t do that. She almost turned these traits into a virtue—at least they were endearing as confessions coming from her.
"I'll hold you to that," he assured her.
"I'll hold you to that," he promised her.
"Oh, you needn't. I'll be glad to let you know."
"Oh, you don't have to. I'll be happy to let you know."
They were nearing the station. He forgot, for the moment that she was not as remote and delicate in her beauty as Stella, that she was apparently not as passionate temperamentally as Margaret. He saw her wonderfully dull hair and her thin lips and peculiar blue eyes, and admired her honesty and simplicity. He picked up her grip and helped her to find her train. When they came to part he pressed her hand warmly, for she had been very nice to him, so attentive and sympathetic and interested.
They were getting close to the station. He momentarily forgot that she wasn’t as distant and fragile in her beauty as Stella, and that she didn’t seem as fiery in temperament as Margaret. He noticed her pretty plain hair, her thin lips, and unique blue eyes, and appreciated her honesty and straightforwardness. He picked up her bag and helped her find her train. When it was time to say goodbye, he握 tightly, because she had been really nice to him—so attentive, understanding, and engaged.
"Now remember!" he said gaily, after he had put her in her seat in the local.
"Now remember!" he said cheerfully, after he had seated her in the local.
"I won't forget."
"I won't forget it."
"You wouldn't mind if I wrote you now and then?"
"You wouldn't mind if I texted you now and then?"
"Not at all. I'd like it."
"Not at all. I’d like that."
"Then I will," he said, and went out.
"Then I will," he said, and walked out.
He stood outside and looked at her through the train window as it pulled out. He was glad to have met her. This was the right sort of girl, clean, honest, simple, attractive. That was the way the best women were—good and pure—not wild pieces of fire like Margaret; nor unconscious, indifferent beauties like Stella, he was going to add, but couldn't. There was a voice within him that said that artistically Stella was perfect and even now it hurt him a little to remember. But Stella was gone forever, there was no doubt about that.
He stood outside, watching her through the train window as it pulled away. He was grateful to have met her. She was the right kind of girl—clean, honest, straightforward, and attractive. That was how the best women were—good and pure—not wild firebrands like Margaret; nor detached, indifferent beauties like Stella, he thought, but couldn’t bring himself to say. There was a part of him that acknowledged artistically, Stella was perfect, and even now, it stung a little to think about her. But Stella was gone for good; he knew that for sure.
During the days that followed he thought of the girl often. He wondered what sort of a town Blackwood was; what sort of people she moved with, what sort of a house she lived in. They must be nice, simple people like his own in Alexandria. These types of city bred people whom he saw—girls particularly—and those born to wealth, had no appeal for him as yet. They were too distant, too far removed from anything he could aspire to. A good woman such as Miss Blue obviously was, [Pg 68] must be a treasure anywhere in the world. He kept thinking he would write to her—he had no other girl acquaintance now; and just before he entered art school he did this, penning a little note saying that he remembered so pleasantly their ride; and when was she coming? Her answer, after a week, was that she expected to be in the city about the middle or the end of October and that she would be glad to have him call. She gave him the number of an aunt who lived out on the North Side in Ohio Street, and said she would notify him further. She was hard at work teaching school now, and didn't even have time to think of the lovely summer she had had.
In the days that followed, he often thought about the girl. He wondered what Blackwood was like, what kind of people she hung out with, and what kind of house she lived in. They must be nice, simple folks like his own family in Alexandria. The city people he encountered—especially the girls—and those born rich didn’t appeal to him at all. They felt too distant, too removed from anything he could reach for. A good woman like Miss Blue clearly was a gem anywhere in the world. He kept telling himself he would write to her—he didn’t have any other girl friends at that moment; then just before he started art school, he did, jotting down a little note to say he fondly remembered their ride together; and when was she coming back? Her reply, after a week, said she expected to be in the city around the middle or end of October and that she would love to have him visit. She gave him the number of an aunt who lived out on Ohio Street in the North Side and said she would keep him posted. She was busy teaching school now and didn’t even have time to think about the wonderful summer she had.
"Poor little girl," he thought. She deserved a better fate. "When she comes I'll surely look her up," he thought, and there was a lot that went with the idea. Such wonderful hair!
"Poor little girl," he thought. She deserved a better life. "When she comes, I'll definitely reach out to her," he thought, and there was a lot that came with that idea. Such beautiful hair!
CHAPTER IX
The succeeding days in the art school after his first admission revealed many new things to Eugene. He understood now, or thought he did, why artists were different from the rank and file of mankind. This Art Institute atmosphere was something so refreshing after his days rambling among poor neighborhoods collecting, that he could hardly believe that he, Eugene Witla, belonged there. These were exceptional young people; some of them, anyhow. If they weren't cut out to be good artists they still had imagination—the dream of the artist. They came, as Eugene gradually learned, from all parts of the West and South, from Chicago and St. Louis—from Kansas, Nebraska and Iowa—from Texas and California and Minnesota. One boy was in from Saskatchewan of the Canadian north west, another from the then territory of New Mexico. Because his name was Gill they called him the Gila monster—the difference in the pronunciation of the "G's" not troubling them at all. A boy who came down from Minnesota was a farmer's son, and talked about going back to plow and sow and reap during the next spring and summer. Another boy was the son of a Kansas City millionaire.
The following days at the art school after his first admission opened up many new experiences for Eugene. He now understood, or thought he did, why artists were different from most people. The atmosphere at the Art Institute was so refreshing after his days wandering through impoverished neighborhoods collecting art, that he could hardly believe he, Eugene Witla, belonged there. These were extraordinary young people; at least some of them were. Even if they weren't destined to be great artists, they still had imagination—the artist's dream. As Eugene gradually discovered, they came from all over the West and South, from Chicago and St. Louis—from Kansas, Nebraska, and Iowa—from Texas and California and Minnesota. One boy came from Saskatchewan in Canada, and another from what was then the territory of New Mexico. Because his name was Gill, they nicknamed him the Gila monster, not caring at all about the difference in the pronunciation of the "G's." A boy from Minnesota was a farmer's son and talked about returning to till the land and harvest during the next spring and summer. Another boy was the son of a millionaire from Kansas City.
The mechanics of drawing interested Eugene from the first. He learned the first night that there was some defect in his understanding of light and shade as it related to the human form. He could not get any roundness or texture in his drawings.
The mechanics of drawing fascinated Eugene right from the start. He realized on his first night that there was a flaw in his understanding of light and shadow as it applied to the human figure. He struggled to achieve any roundness or texture in his drawings.
"The darkest shadow is always closest to the high light," observed his instructor laconically on Wednesday evening, looking over his shoulder. "You're making everything a dull, even tone." So that was it.
"The darkest shadow is always closest to the bright light," his instructor said casually on Wednesday evening, glancing over his shoulder. "You're making everything a flat, uniform tone." So that's what it was.
"You're drawing this figure as a bricklayer who isn't an architect might start to build a house. You're laying bricks without having a plan. Where's your plan?" The voice was that of Mr. Boyle looking over his shoulder.
"You're sketching this figure like a bricklayer who isn't an architect about to build a house. You're just laying bricks without a blueprint. Where's your blueprint?" The voice belonged to Mr. Boyle, who was looking over his shoulder.
Eugene looked up. He had begun to draw the head only.
Eugene looked up. He had only started to draw the head.
"A plan! A plan!" said his instructor, making a peculiar motion with his hands which described the outline of the pose in a single motion. "Get your general lines first. Then you can put in the details afterward."
"A plan! A plan!" said his instructor, making a strange gesture with his hands that outlined the pose in one fluid movement. "Start with your main lines first. You can add the details later."
Eugene saw at once.
Eugene noticed right away.
[Pg 70] Another time his instructor was watching him draw the female breast. He was doing it woodenly—without much beauty of contour.
[Pg 70] Another time, his teacher was watching him draw the female breast. He was doing it stiffly—without much grace in the shape.
"They're round! They're round! I tell you!" exclaimed Boyle. "If you ever see any square ones let me know."
"They're round! They're round! I swear!" Boyle exclaimed. "If you ever see any square ones, let me know."
This caught Eugene's sense of humor. It made him laugh, even though he flushed painfully, for he knew he had a lot to learn.
This caught Eugene's sense of humor. It made him laugh, even though he felt embarrassed, because he knew he had a lot to learn.
The cruelest thing he heard this man say was to a boy who was rather thick and fat but conscientious. "You can't draw," he said roughly. "Take my advice and go home. You'll make more money driving a wagon."
The harshest thing he heard this man say was to a boy who was pretty thick and heavyset but earnest. "You can't draw," he said bluntly. "Trust me, just go home. You'll earn more money driving a wagon."
The class winced, but this man was ugly in his intolerance of futility. The idea of anybody wasting his time was obnoxious to him. He took art as a business man takes business, and he had no time for the misfit, the fool, or the failure. He wanted his class to know that art meant effort.
The class flinched, but this man was harsh in his intolerance of waste. The thought of someone wasting his time disgusted him. He approached art like a businessman approaches business, and he had no patience for the misfit, the fool, or the failure. He wanted his class to understand that art required hard work.
Aside from this brutal insistence on the significance of art, there was another side to the life which was not so hard and in a way more alluring. Between the twenty-five minute poses which the model took, there were some four or five minute rests during the course of the evening in which the students talked, relighted their pipes and did much as they pleased. Sometimes students from other classes came in for a few moments.
Aside from this harsh focus on the importance of art, there was another aspect of life that was less tough and, in a way, more appealing. Between the twenty-five minute poses the model held, there were some four or five minute breaks during the evening when the students chatted, refilled their pipes, and did as they wished. Sometimes students from other classes popped in for a few moments.
The thing that astonished Eugene though, was the freedom of the model with the students and the freedom of the students with her. After the first few weeks he observed some of those who had been there the year before going up to the platform where the girl sat, and talking with her. She had a little pink gauze veil which she drew around her shoulders or waist that instead of reducing the suggestiveness of her attitudes heightened them.
The thing that amazed Eugene, though, was the freedom of the model with the students and the freedom of the students with her. After the first few weeks, he noticed some of those who had been there the year before going up to the platform where the girl sat and talking with her. She had a little pink gauze veil that she wrapped around her shoulders or waist, which instead of diminishing the suggestiveness of her poses enhanced them.
"Say, ain't that enough to make everything go black in front of your eyes," said one boy sitting next to Eugene.
"Hey, isn't that enough to make everything go dark in front of your eyes?" said a boy sitting next to Eugene.
"Well, I guess," he laughed. "There's some edge to that."
"Well, I guess," he chuckled. "There's definitely a twist to that."
The boys would sit and laugh and jest with this girl, and she would laugh and coquette in return. He saw her strolling about looking at some of the students' drawings of her over their shoulders, standing face to face with others—and so calmly. The strong desire which it invariably aroused in Eugene he quelled and concealed, for these things were not to be shown on the surface. Once, while he was looking at some photographs that a student had brought, she came and looked over his shoulder, [Pg 71] this little flower of the streets, her body graced by the thin scarf, her lips and cheeks red with color. She came so close that she leaned against his shoulder and arm with her soft flesh. It pulled him tense, like a great current; but he made no sign, pretending that it was the veriest commonplace. Several times, because the piano was there, and because students would sing and play in the interludes, she came and sat on the piano stool herself, strumming out an accompaniment to which some one or three or four would sing. Somehow this, of all things, seemed most sensuous to him—most oriental. It set him wild. He felt his teeth click without volition on his part. When she resumed her pose, his passion subsided, for then the cold, æsthetic value of her beauty became uppermost. It was only the incidental things that upset him.
The boys would sit and joke around with this girl, and she would laugh and flirt back. He saw her walking around, checking out some of the students' drawings of her over their shoulders, standing face to face with others—and she seemed so composed. The strong desire that it always stirred in Eugene, he suppressed and hid, because these feelings weren't meant to be shown. Once, while he was looking at some photos that a student had brought in, she came up and looked over his shoulder, [Pg 71] this little street flower, her body adorned by a thin scarf, her lips and cheeks bright with color. She got so close that she leaned against his shoulder and arm with her soft skin. It made him tense, like a strong current; but he didn’t show it, acting as if it was nothing special. Several times, since the piano was there and students would sing and play during breaks, she came and sat on the piano stool, playing an accompaniment for someone or a few people to sing. Somehow, this, more than anything else, seemed the most sensual to him—most exotic. It drove him crazy. He felt his teeth click together involuntarily. When she went back to her pose, his passion faded, since then the cool, aesthetic quality of her beauty came to the forefront. It was only the little things that unsettled him.
In spite of these disturbances, Eugene was gradually showing improvement as a draughtsman and an artist. He liked to draw the figure. He was not as quick at that as he was at the more varied outlines of landscapes and buildings, but he could give lovely sensuous touches to the human form—particularly to the female form—which were beginning to be impressive. He'd got past the place where Boyle had ever to say "They're round." He gave a sweep to his lines that attracted the instructor's attention.
In spite of these disruptions, Eugene was slowly improving as a draftsman and an artist. He enjoyed drawing figures. He wasn't as fast at that as he was with the more varied shapes of landscapes and buildings, but he could add beautiful, sensual touches to the human form—especially to the female form—that were starting to impress. He had moved past the point where Boyle had to say, "They're round." He gave a flow to his lines that caught the instructor's eye.
"You're getting the thing as a whole, I see," he said quietly, one day. Eugene thrilled with satisfaction. Another Wednesday he said:—"A little colder, my boy, a little colder. There's sex in that. It isn't in the figure. You ought to make a good mural decorator some day, if you have the inclination," Boyle went on; "you've got the sense of beauty." The roots of Eugene's hair tingled. So art was coming to him. This man saw his capacity. He really had art in him.
"You're getting the whole thing, I see," he said quietly one day. Eugene felt a rush of satisfaction. On another Wednesday, he said, "A little colder, my boy, a little colder. There’s something sensual in that. It’s not in the shape. You could be a great mural decorator one day if you're interested," Boyle continued, "you’ve got an eye for beauty." The roots of Eugene's hair tingled. So art was finally reaching him. This man recognized his potential. He truly had art inside him.
One evening a paper sign pasted up on the bulletin board bore the significant legend: "Artists! Attention! We eat! We eat! Nov. 16th. at Sofroni's. All those who want to get in give their names to the monitor."
One evening, a paper sign posted on the bulletin board read: "Artists! Attention! We eat! We eat! Nov. 16th at Sofroni's. Anyone who wants to join us, please give your name to the monitor."
Eugene had heard nothing of this, but he judged that it originated in one of the other classes. He spoke to the monitor and learned that only seventy-five cents was required of him. Students could bring girls if they wished. Most of them would. He decided that he would go. But where to get a girl? Sofroni's was an Italian restaurant in lower Clark Street, which had originally started out as an eating place for Italian laborers, because it was near an Italian boarding house section. It was located in an old house that was not exactly homely. A yard [Pg 72] in the back had been set with plain wooden tables, and benches had been placed for use in the summer time and, later, this had been covered with a mouldy tent-cloth to protect the diners from rain. Still later this became glass and was used in winter. The place was clean and the food good. Some struggling craftsman in journalism and art had found it and by degrees Signor Sofroni had come to realize that he was dealing with a better element. He began to exchange greetings with these people to set aside a little corner for them. Finally he entertained a small group of them at dinner—charging them hardly more than cost price—and so he was launched. One student told another. Sofroni now had his yard covered in so that he could entertain a hundred at dinner, even in winter. He could serve several kinds of wines and liquors with a dinner for seventy-five cents a piece. So he was popular.
Eugene hadn’t heard anything about this, but he figured it came from one of the other classes. He talked to the monitor and found out he only needed to pay seventy-five cents. Students could bring girls if they wanted, and most of them would. He decided he would go. But where would he find a girl? Sofroni's was an Italian restaurant on lower Clark Street, which originally started as a place for Italian workers because it was near a section with Italian boarding houses. It was located in an old house that wasn’t exactly cozy. A yard in the back had some simple wooden tables set up, with benches for summer use. Later, they covered it with a moldy tent to protect diners from the rain. Eventually, it got glass walls for the winter. The place was clean, and the food was good. Some struggling journalists and artists discovered it, and over time, Signor Sofroni realized he was attracting a better crowd. He began to greet them and set aside a little corner for them. Eventually, he hosted a small group for dinner, charging hardly more than the cost, and that’s how he got started. One student told another. Sofroni eventually enclosed his yard so he could serve a hundred people for dinner, even in winter. He offered several types of wine and liquor with a dinner for seventy-five cents each. So he became popular.
The dinner was the culmination of several other class treats. It was the custom of a class, whenever a stranger, or even a new member appeared, to yell "Treat! Treat!" at which the victim or new member was supposed to produce two dollars as a contribution to a beer fund. If the money was not produced—the stranger was apt to be thrown out or some ridiculous trick played upon him—if it was forthcoming, work for the evening ceased. A collection was immediately taken up. Kegs of beer were sent for, with sandwiches and cheese. Drinking, singing, piano playing, jesting followed. Once, to Eugene's utter astonishment, one of the students—a big, good natured, carousing boy from Omaha—lifted the nude model to his shoulders, set her astride his neck and proceeded around the room, jigging as he went—the girl meantime pulling his black hair, the other students following and shouting uproariously. Some of the girls in an adjoining room, studying in an evening life class, stopped their work to peep through a half dozen small holes which had been punched in the intervening partition. The sight of Showalter carrying the girl so astonished the eavesdroppers that the news of it was soon all over the building. Knowledge of the escapade reached the Secretary and the next day the student was dropped. But the Bacchic dance had been enacted—its impression was left.
The dinner was the highlight of several other class celebrations. It was the tradition of the class that whenever a new person, or even a new member, showed up, everyone would shout "Treat! Treat!" The new person was expected to cough up two dollars to contribute to the beer fund. If they didn’t pay, they would likely be thrown out or have some goofy trick played on them. If they did pay, work for the evening would stop. A collection would be taken up right away. Kegs of beer were ordered, along with sandwiches and cheese. This was followed by drinking, singing, playing the piano, and joking around. Once, to Eugene's complete surprise, one of the students—a big, easy-going guy from Omaha—lifted the nude model onto his shoulders, balanced her on his neck, and started dancing around the room, while the girl yanked on his black hair. The other students followed along, shouting with laughter. Some girls in a nearby room, who were studying for an evening life class, paused their work to peek through several small holes punched in the partition. The sight of Showalter carrying the girl was so shocking that the news soon spread throughout the building. The Secretary heard about the incident, and the next day the student was expelled. But the wild dance had taken place—its impact was undeniable.
There were other treats like this in which Eugene was urged to drink, and he did—a very little. He had no taste for beer. He also tried to smoke, but he did not care for it. He could become nervously intoxicated at times, by the mere sight of such revelry, and then he grew witty, easy in his motions, quick to say bright things. On one of these occasions one of the models [Pg 73] said to him: "Why, you're nicer than I thought. I imagined you were very solemn."
There were other treats like this where Eugene was encouraged to drink, and he did—just a little. He didn’t like beer. He also tried to smoke, but he wasn’t into it. Sometimes, just seeing such parties made him nervously tipsy, and he would become witty, relaxed in his movements, and quick to share clever remarks. During one of these moments, one of the models [Pg 73] said to him, "Wow, you're nicer than I thought. I figured you were very serious."
"Oh, no," he said, "only at times. You don't know me."
"Oh, no," he replied, "only sometimes. You don't really know me."
He seized her about the waist, but she pushed him away. He wished now that he danced, for he saw that he might have whirled her about the room then and there. He decided to learn at once.
He grabbed her around the waist, but she pushed him away. He now wished he knew how to dance because he realized that he could have twirled her around the room right then and there. He made up his mind to learn immediately.
The question of a girl for the dinner, troubled him. He knew of no one except Margaret, and he did not know that she danced. There was Miss Blue, of Blackwood—whom he had seen when she made her promised visit to the city—but the thought of her in connection with anything like this was to him incongruous. He wondered what she would think if she saw such scenes as he had witnessed.
The idea of a girl for the dinner bothered him. He could only think of Margaret, and he wasn’t sure if she danced. There was Miss Blue from Blackwood—whom he had seen during her promised visit to the city—but the thought of her in this context seemed strange to him. He wondered what she would think if she saw the things he had witnessed.
It chanced that one day when he was in the members' room, he met Miss Kenny, the girl whom he had seen posing the night he had entered the school. Eugene remembered her fascination, for she was the first nude model he had ever seen and she was pretty. She was also the one who had come and stood by him when she was posing. He had not seen her since then. She had liked Eugene, but he had seemed a little distant and, at first, a little commonplace. Lately he had taken to a loose, flowing tie and a soft round hat which became him. He turned his hair back loosely and emulated the independent swing of Mr. Temple Boyle. That man was a sort of god to him—strong and successful. To be like that!
It just so happened that one day while he was in the lounge, he ran into Miss Kenny, the girl he had seen posing the night he started at the school. Eugene remembered how captivating she was, since she was the first nude model he'd ever seen and she was attractive. She was also the one who had come and stood beside him while posing. He hadn't seen her since then. She had taken an interest in Eugene, but he had seemed a bit aloof and, at first, rather ordinary. Recently, he had started wearing a loose, flowing tie and a stylish round hat that really suited him. He styled his hair back loosely and tried to capture the confident vibe of Mr. Temple Boyle. That guy was like a god to him—strong and successful. To be like that!
The girl noted a change for what she deemed the better. He was so nice now, she thought, so white-skinned and clear-eyed and keen.
The girl noticed a change that she considered for the better. He was so nice now, she thought, with such fair skin and clear eyes and bright energy.
She pretended to be looking at the drawing of a nude when she saw him.
She pretended to be looking at the drawing of a nude when she spotted him.
"How are you?" he asked, smiling, venturing to speak to her because he was lonely and because he knew no other girl.
"How are you?" he asked, smiling, trying to talk to her because he was lonely and didn't know any other girl.
She turned gaily, and returned the question, facing him with smiling lips and genial eyes.
She turned happily and answered the question, looking at him with a smile and friendly eyes.
"I haven't seen you for some time," he said. "Are you back here now?"
"I haven't seen you in a while," he said. "Are you back here now?"
"For this week," she said. "I'm doing studio work. I don't care for classes when I can get the other."
"For this week," she said. "I'm focusing on studio work. I'd rather skip classes if I can do the other."
"I thought you liked them!" he replied, recalling her gaiety of mood.
"I thought you liked them!" he said, remembering how cheerful she was.
"Oh, I don't dislike it. Only, studio work is better."
"Oh, I don't hate it. It's just that studio work is better."
"We've missed you," he said. "The others haven't been nearly as nice."
"We've missed you," he said. "The others haven't been as nice."
[Pg 74] "Aren't you complimentary," she laughed, her black eyes looking into his with a twinkle.
[Pg 74] "You're so sweet," she laughed, her dark eyes sparkling as she looked into his.
"No, it's so," he returned, and then asked hopefully, "Are you going to the dinner on the 16th?"
"No, it is," he replied, and then asked hopefully, "Are you going to the dinner on the 16th?"
"Maybe," she said. "I haven't made up my mind. It all depends."
"Maybe," she said. "I haven't decided yet. It all depends."
"On what?"
"About what?"
"On how I feel and who asks me."
"About how I feel and who asks me."
"I shouldn't think there'd be any trouble about that," he observed. "If I had a girl I'd go," he went on, making a terrific effort to reach the point where he could ask her. She saw his intention.
"I don’t think there will be any issues with that," he said. "If I had a girlfriend, I’d go," he continued, making a huge effort to get to the point where he could ask her. She recognized his intention.
"Well?" she laughed.
"Well?" she chuckled.
"Would you go with me?" he ventured, thus so shamelessly assisted.
"Would you go with me?" he asked, feeling so boldly encouraged.
"Sure!" she said, for she liked him.
"Sure!" she said, because she liked him.
"That's fine!" he exclaimed. "Where do you live? I'll want to know that." He searched for a pencil.
"That's cool!" he said. "Where do you live? I need to know that." He looked for a pencil.
She gave him her number on West Fifty-seventh Street.
She gave him her number on West 57th Street.
Because of his collecting he knew the neighborhood. It was a street of shabby frame houses far out on the South Side. He remembered great mazes of trade near it, and unpaved streets and open stretches of wet prairie land. Somehow it seemed fitting to him that this little flower of the muck and coal yard area should be a model.
Because of his collecting, he was familiar with the neighborhood. It was a street lined with rundown frame houses far out on the South Side. He recalled vast networks of trade nearby, as well as unpaved streets and open areas of damp prairie land. In a way, it felt right to him that this little flower from the muck and coal yard region should serve as a model.
"I'll be sure and get you," he laughed. "You won't forget, will you, Miss—"
"I'll definitely get you," he laughed. "You won't forget, will you, Miss—"
"Just Ruby," she interrupted. "Ruby Kenny."
"Just Ruby," she cut in. "Ruby Kenny."
"It's a pretty name, isn't it?" he said. "It's euphonious. You wouldn't let me come out some Sunday and see just where it is?"
"It's a nice name, right?" he said. "It sounds good. Would you let me come out one Sunday and see exactly where it is?"
"Yes, you may," she replied, pleased by his comment on her name. "I'm home most every Sunday. Come out next Sunday afternoon, if you want to."
"Sure, you can," she replied, happy about his compliment on her name. "I'm home most Sundays. Feel free to come by next Sunday afternoon, if you'd like."
"I will," said Eugene.
"I will," said Eugene.
He walked out to the street with her in a very buoyant mood.
He stepped out onto the street with her, feeling really upbeat.
CHAPTER X
Ruby Kenny was the adopted child of an old Irish laborer and his wife who had taken her from a quarrelling couple when they had practically deserted her at the age of four years. She was bright, good natured, not at all informed as to the social organization of the world, just a simple little girl with a passion for adventure and no saving insight which would indicate beforehand whither adventure might lead. She began life as a cash girl in a department store and was spoiled of her virtue at fifteen. She was rather fortunate in that her smartness attracted the rather superior, capable, self-protecting type of man; and these were fortunate too, in that she was not utterly promiscuous, appetite with her waiting on strong liking, and in one or two cases real affection, and culminating only after a period of dalliance which made her as much a victim of her moods as were her lovers. Her foster parents provided no guidance of any intelligent character. They liked her, and since she was brighter than they were, submitted to her rule, her explanations of conduct, her taste. She waved aside with a laughing rejoinder any slight objections they might make, and always protested that she did not care what the neighbors thought.
Ruby Kenny was the adopted child of an old Irish laborer and his wife who had taken her from a fighting couple when they had practically deserted her at the age of four. She was smart, easy-going, and completely clueless about how the world worked socially; just a simple girl with a love for adventure and no real insight into where that adventure might lead. She started her working life as a cashier in a department store and lost her virginity at fifteen. She was somewhat lucky in that her charm attracted a more sophisticated, capable, self-protective kind of man; and these men were fortunate too, because she wasn't completely promiscuous, with her desires being aligned with strong feelings and, in a few cases, real affection, culminating only after a period of flirtation that made her as much a victim of her moods as her lovers. Her foster parents provided no intelligent guidance. They liked her, and since she was smarter than they were, they let her take charge, following her interpretations of behavior and her preferences. She brushed off any minor objections they might have with a laugh and always insisted that she didn’t care what the neighbors thought.
The visits which Eugene paid, and the companionship which ensued, were of a piece with every other relationship of this character which he ever entered into. He worshiped beauty as beauty, and he never wholly missed finding a certain quality of mind and heart for which he longed. He sought in women, besides beauty, good nature and sympathy; he shunned criticism and coldness, and was never apt to select for a sweetheart anyone who could outshine him either in emotion or rapidity or distinction of ideas.
The visits that Eugene made and the friendships that followed were consistent with every other relationship of this kind he ever had. He admired beauty for its own sake and he never completely overlooked the quality of mind and heart that he desired. He looked for good nature and empathy in women, avoiding criticism and aloofness, and he was never likely to choose a girlfriend who could surpass him in emotion, speed, or originality of thought.
He liked, at this time, simple things, simple homes, simple surroundings, the commonplace atmosphere of simple life, for the more elegant and imposing overawed him. The great mansions which he saw, the great trade structures, the great, significant personalities, seemed artificial and cold. He liked little people—people who were not known, but who were sweet and kindly in their moods. If he could find female beauty with anything like that as a background he was happy and settled down near it, if he could, in comfort. His drawing near to Ruby was governed by this mood.
He appreciated, at this time, simple things, humble homes, basic surroundings, and the everyday vibe of a simple life because the more elegant and grand stuff intimidated him. The big mansions he saw, the tall buildings, and the important people felt fake and uninviting. He loved ordinary people—those who weren't famous but were sweet and kind. If he could find female beauty in a similar setting, he felt content and wanted to settle down there comfortably. His attraction to Ruby was influenced by this feeling.
[Pg 76] The Sunday Eugene called, it rained and the neighborhood in which she lived was exceedingly dreary. Looking around here and there one could see in the open spaces between the houses pools of water standing in the brown, dead grass. He had crossed a great maze of black cindered car tracks, where engines and cars were in great masses, and speculated on the drawings such scenes would make—big black engines throwing up clouds of smoke and steam in a grey, wet air; great mazes of parti-colored cars dank in the rain but lovely. At night the switch lights in these great masses of yards bloomed like flowers. He loved the sheer yellows, reds, greens, blues, that burned like eyes. Here was the stuff that touched him magnificently, and somehow he was glad that this raw flowering girl lived near something like this.
[Pg 76] On the Sunday Eugene called, it was raining, and the neighborhood where she lived felt really gloomy. Looking around, you could see pools of water sitting in the brown, dead grass in the open spaces between the houses. He had crossed a tangled mess of blackened train tracks, where engines and cars were piled together, and imagined how those scenes would look—big black engines puffing out clouds of smoke and steam in the grey, damp air; colorful cars soaked in the rain but beautiful nonetheless. At night, the switch lights in these sprawling yards glowed like flowers. He loved the bright yellows, reds, greens, and blues that shone like eyes. This was the kind of raw beauty that really moved him, and he felt a strange sense of happiness that this vibrant girl lived near something like this.
When he reached the door and rang the bell he was greeted by an old shaky Irish-American who seemed to him rather low in the scale of intelligence—the kind of a man who would make a good crossing guard, perhaps. He had on common, characterful clothes, the kind that from long wear have taken the natural outlines of the body. In his fingers was a short pipe which he had been smoking.
When he got to the door and rang the bell, an elderly, shaky Irish-American answered. To him, the man seemed a bit lacking in intelligence—the type who might make a decent crossing guard. He wore simple, distinctive clothes that had molded to his body from years of use. In his hand was a short pipe that he had been smoking.
"Is Miss Kenny in?" Eugene inquired.
"Is Miss Kenny here?" Eugene asked.
"Yus," said the man. "Come in. I'll git her." He poked back through a typical workingman's parlor to a rear room. Someone had seen to it that almost everything in the room was red—the big silk-shaded lamp, the family album, the carpet and the red flowered wall paper.
"Yeah," said the man. "Come in. I'll get her." He stepped back through a typical working-class living room to a back room. Someone had made sure that almost everything in the room was red—the large silk-shaded lamp, the family photo album, the carpet, and the red floral wallpaper.
While he was waiting he opened the album and looked at what he supposed were her relatives—commonplace people, all—clerks, salesmen, store-keepers. Presently Ruby came, and then his eye lighted, for there was about her a smartness of youth—she was not more than nineteen—which captivated his fancy. She had on a black cashmere dress with touches of red velvet at the neck and elsewhere, and she wore a loose red tie, much as a boy might. She looked gay and cheerful and held out her hand.
While he was waiting, he opened the album and looked at what he assumed were her relatives—pretty ordinary people, all—clerks, salespeople, shop owners. Soon, Ruby arrived, and his interest was piqued; there was a youthful brightness about her—she couldn't be more than nineteen—that caught his attention. She was wearing a black cashmere dress with hints of red velvet at the neck and other places, and she had on a loose red tie, much like a boy would. She looked happy and cheerful and offered her hand.
"Did you have much trouble in getting here?" she asked.
"Did you have a hard time getting here?" she asked.
He shook his head. "I know this country pretty well. I collect all through here week days. I work for the Peoples' Furniture Company, you know."
He shook his head. "I know this area pretty well. I collect around here during the week. I work for the People’s Furniture Company, you know."
"Oh, then it's all right," she said, enjoying his frankness. "I thought you'd have a hard time finding it. It's a pretty bad day, isn't it?"
"Oh, then it's all good," she said, appreciating his honesty. "I figured you’d have a tough time finding it. It’s a pretty rough day, right?"
Eugene admitted that it was, but commented on the car tracks [Pg 77] he had seen. "If I could paint at all I'd like to paint those things. They're so big and wonderful."
Eugene agreed that it was, but mentioned the tire tracks [Pg 77] he had noticed. "If I could paint at all, I’d love to paint those things. They’re so big and amazing."
He went to the window and gazed out at the neighborhood.
He walked to the window and looked out at the neighborhood.
Ruby watched him with interest. His movements were pleasing to her. She felt at home in his company—as though she were going to like him very much. It was so easy to talk to him. There were the classes, her studio work, his own career, this neighborhood, to give her a feeling of congeniality with him.
Ruby watched him with interest. His movements were enjoyable to her. She felt at ease with him—as if she was going to like him a lot. It was so easy to chat with him. They talked about their classes, her studio work, his career, and this neighborhood, which made her feel a sense of connection with him.
"Are there many big studios in Chicago?" he asked when they finally got around to that phase of her work. He was curious to know what the art life of the city was.
"Are there a lot of big studios in Chicago?" he asked when they finally reached that part of her work. He was curious about the city's art scene.
"No, not so very many—not, at least, of the good ones. There are a lot of fellows who think they can paint."
"No, not that many—not, at least, the good ones. There are plenty of guys who think they can paint."
"Who are the big ones?" he asked.
"Who are the main players?" he asked.
"Well, I only know by what I hear artists say. Mr. Rose is pretty good. Byam Jones is pretty fine on genre subjects, so they say. Walter Low is a good portrait painter, and so is Manson Steele. And let's see—there's Arthur Biggs—he does landscapes only; I've never been in his studio; and Finley Wood, he's another portrait man; and Wilson Brooks, he does figures—Oh! I don't know, there are quite a number."
"Well, I only know what I've heard artists say. Mr. Rose is pretty good. Byam Jones is supposed to be great with genre subjects. Walter Low is a talented portrait painter, and so is Manson Steele. And let's see—there's Arthur Biggs—he only does landscapes; I've never been to his studio; and Finley Wood, he's another portrait guy; and Wilson Brooks, he specializes in figures—Oh! I don't know, there are quite a few."
Eugene listened entranced. This patter of art matters was more in the way of definite information about personalities than he had heard during all the time he had been in the city. The girl knew these things. She was in the movement. He wondered what her relationship to these various people was?
Eugene listened, captivated. This chatter about art was more informative about personalities than he had heard the entire time he had been in the city. The girl was knowledgeable about these things. She was part of the scene. He wondered what her connections to these different people were.
He got up after a time and looked out of the window again. She came also. "It's not very nice around here," she explained, "but papa and mamma like to live here. It's near papa's work."
He got up after a while and looked out the window again. She came over too. "It's not very nice around here," she said, "but Mom and Dad like living here. It's close to Dad's job."
"Was that your father I met at the door?"
"Was that your dad I met at the door?"
"They're not my real parents," she explained. "I'm an adopted child. They're just like real parents to me, though, I certainly owe them a lot."
"They're not my biological parents," she explained. "I'm adopted. They feel just like real parents to me, though, and I definitely owe them a lot."
"You can't have been posing in art very long," said Eugene thoughtfully, thinking of her age.
"You can't have been modeling for art very long," said Eugene thoughtfully, considering her age.
"No; I only began about a year ago."
"No; I just started around a year ago."
She told how she had been a clerk in The Fair and how she and another girl had got the idea from seeing articles in the Sunday papers. There was once a picture in the Tribune of a model posing in the nude before the local life class. This had taken her eye and she had consulted with the other girl as to whether they had not better try posing, too. Her friend, like herself, was still posing. She was coming to the dinner.
She shared how she had worked as a clerk at The Fair and how she and another girl got the idea from seeing articles in the Sunday papers. There was a picture in the Tribune of a model posing nude for the local life class. This caught her attention, and she discussed with the other girl whether they should try posing as well. Her friend, just like her, was still posing. She was coming to the dinner.
Eugene listened entranced. It reminded him of how he was [Pg 78] caught by the picture of Goose Island in the Chicago River, of the little tumble-down huts and upturned hulls of boats used for homes. He told her of that and of how he came, and it touched her fancy. She thought he was sentimental but nice—and then he was big, too, and she was so much smaller.
Eugene listened, captivated. It reminded him of how he was [Pg 78] struck by the image of Goose Island in the Chicago River, with the rundown huts and overturned boat hulls that served as homes. He shared that story with her, and it intrigued her. She thought he was sentimental but sweet—and he was also quite tall, while she felt much smaller.
"You play?" he asked, "don't you?"
"You play?" he asked. "Don't you?"
"Oh, just a little. But we haven't got a piano. I learned what I know by practising at the different studios."
"Oh, just a bit. But we don’t have a piano. I learned what I know by practicing at various studios."
"Do you dance?" asked Eugene.
"Do you dance?" Eugene asked.
"Yes, indeed," she replied.
"Yes, definitely," she replied.
"I wish I did," he commented ruefully.
"I wish I did," he said with a hint of regret.
"Why don't you? It's easy. You could learn in no time. I could teach you in a lesson."
"Why not? It's simple. You could pick it up really quickly. I could teach you in one session."
"I wish you would," he said persuasively.
"I wish you would," he said in a persuasive tone.
"It isn't hard," she went on, moving away from him. "I can show you the steps. They always begin with the waltz."
"It’s easy," she continued, stepping away from him. "I can show you the steps. They always start with the waltz."
She lifted her skirts and exposed her little feet. She explained what to do and how to do it. He tried it alone, but failed; so she got him to put his arm around her and placed her hand in his. "Now, follow me," she said.
She lifted her dress and showed her small feet. She explained what to do and how to do it. He tried it on his own but failed; so she got him to wrap his arm around her and placed her hand in his. "Now, follow me," she said.
It was so delightful to find her in his arms! And she was apparently in no hurry to conclude the lesson, for she worked with him quite patiently, explaining the steps, stopping and correcting him, laughing at her mistakes and his. "You're getting it, though," she said, after they had turned around a few times.
It was so wonderful to have her in his arms! And she seemed in no rush to end the lesson, as she patiently worked with him, explaining the steps, pausing to correct him, and laughing at both their mistakes. "You're really getting it," she said after they had twirled around a few times.
They had looked into each other's eyes a number of times and she gave him frank smiles in return for his. He thought of the time when she stood by him in the studio, looking over his shoulder. Surely, surely this gap of formalities might be bridged over at once if he tried if he had the courage. He pulled her a little closer and when they stopped he did not let go.
They had looked into each other's eyes several times, and she responded to his with genuine smiles. He remembered the time she stood next to him in the studio, peering over his shoulder. Surely, this awkwardness could be cleared up if he just had the courage to try. He pulled her a little closer, and when they stopped, he didn’t let go.
"You're mighty sweet to me," he said with an effort.
"You're really sweet to me," he said with some difficulty.
"No, I'm just good natured," she laughed, not endeavoring to break away.
"No, I'm just good-natured," she laughed, not trying to pull away.
He became emotionally tense, as always.
He got emotionally tense, as usual.
She rather liked what seemed the superiority of his mood. It was different, stronger than was customary in the men she knew.
She really liked what seemed to be his mood's superiority. It was different, more intense than what she was used to with the men she knew.
"Do you like me?" he asked, looking at her.
"Do you like me?" he asked, looking at her.
She studied his face and hair and eyes.
She examined his face, hair, and eyes.
"I don't know," she returned calmly.
"I don't know," she replied calmly.
"Are you sure you don't?"
"Are you sure you don’t?"
[Pg 79] There was another pause in which she looked almost mockingly at him and then, sobering, away at the hall door.
[Pg 79] There was another pause where she looked at him almost in a mocking way, and then, becoming serious, she looked toward the hall door.
"Yes, I think I do," she said.
"Yeah, I think I do," she said.
He picked her up in his arms. "You're as cute as a doll," he said and carried her to the red settee. She spent the rest of the rainy afternoon resting in his arms and enjoying his kisses. He was a new and peculiar kind of boy.
He lifted her into his arms. "You're as cute as a doll," he said, then carried her to the red couch. She spent the rest of the rainy afternoon relaxing in his embrace and enjoying his kisses. He was a new and unusual kind of guy.
CHAPTER XI
A little while before, Angela Blue at Eugene's earnest solicitation had paid her first Fall visit to Chicago. She had made a special effort to come, lured by a certain poignancy of expression which he could give to any thought, particularly when it concerned his desires. In addition to the art of drawing he had the gift of writing—very slow in its development from a structural and interpretative point of view, but powerful already on its descriptive side. He could describe anything, people, houses, horses, dogs, landscapes, much as he could draw them and give a sense of tenderness and pathos in the bargain which was moving. He could describe city scenes and the personal atmosphere which surrounded him in the most alluring fashion. He had little time to write, but he took it in this instance to tell this girl what he was doing and how he was doing it. She was captivated by the quality of the world in which he was moving, and the distinction of his own personality, which he indicated rather indirectly than otherwise. By contrast her own little world began to look very shabby indeed.
A little while ago, Angela Blue visited Chicago for the first time in the Fall at Eugene's sincere request. She made a special effort to come, drawn in by the way he expressed his thoughts, especially when it came to his desires. Besides his talent for drawing, he had a gift for writing—growing slowly in terms of structure and interpretation, but already strong in its descriptive aspect. He could describe anything—people, houses, horses, dogs, landscapes—just as well as he could draw them, and he infused a sense of tenderness and emotion that was moving. He could portray city scenes and the personal atmosphere around him in the most enticing way. He didn’t have much time to write, but in this case, he made an effort to share with her what he was up to and how he was doing it. She was mesmerized by the quality of the world he inhabited and the uniqueness of his personality, which he revealed more subtly than directly. In contrast, her own small world began to seem quite dull.
She came shortly after his art school opened, and at her invitation he went out to the residence of her aunt on the North Side, a nice, pleasant brick house in a quiet side street, which had all the airs of middle class peace and comfort. He was impressed with what seemed to him a sweet, conservative atmosphere—a fitting domicile for a girl so dainty and refined as Angela. He paid his respects early Saturday morning because her neighborhood happened to be in the direction of his work.
She arrived soon after his art school opened, and at her invitation, he went to her aunt's place on the North Side, a nice, cozy brick house on a quiet side street that had all the vibes of middle-class peace and comfort. He was struck by what felt like a sweet, traditional atmosphere—an ideal home for a girl as delicate and graceful as Angela. He stopped by early Saturday morning since her neighborhood was on the way to his work.
She played for him—better than anyone he had ever known. It seemed to him a great accomplishment. Her temperament attracted her to music of a high emotional order and to songs and instrumental compositions of indefinable sweetness. In the half hour he stayed she played several things, and he noted with a new pleasure her small shapely body in a dress of a very simple, close fitting design; her hair hung in two great braids far below her waist. She reminded him the least bit of Marguerite in "Faust."
She played for him—better than anyone he had ever known. He thought it was a great achievement. Her personality drew her to music with deep emotions and to songs and instrumental pieces that were incredibly sweet. During the half hour he was there, she played several pieces, and he took new pleasure in seeing her small, shapely body in a simple, fitted dress; her hair fell in two thick braids well below her waist. She reminded him a little of Marguerite in "Faust."
He went again in the evening, shining and eager, and arrayed in his best. He was full of the sense of his art prospects, and happy to see her again, for he was satisfied that he was going to fall in love with her. She had a strong, sympathetic attitude [Pg 81] which allured him. She wanted to be nice to this youth—wanted him to like her—and so the atmosphere was right.
He went out again in the evening, glowing and excited, dressed in his best. He was filled with confidence about his artistic future and happy to see her again, convinced that he was about to fall in love with her. She had a warm, welcoming vibe that drew him in. She wanted to be kind to this young man—wanted him to like her—and so the mood was just right. [Pg 81]
That evening he took her to the Chicago Opera House, where there was playing an extravaganza. This fantasy, so beautiful in its stage-craft, so gorgeous in its show of costumes and pretty girls, so idle in its humor and sweet in its love songs, captivated both Eugene and Angela. Neither had been to a theatre for a long time; both were en rapport with some such fantastic interpretation of existence. After the short acquaintance at Alexandria it was a nice coming together. It gave point to their reunion.
That evening he took her to the Chicago Opera House, where an extravaganza was playing. This fantasy, so stunning in its stagecraft, so beautiful in its costumes and charming performers, so lighthearted in its humor and lovely in its love songs, captivated both Eugene and Angela. Neither had been to a theater for a long time; both felt connected to this kind of fantastic interpretation of life. After their brief encounter in Alexandria, it was a lovely way to reconnect. It made their reunion feel significant.
After the performance he guided her through the surging crowds to a North Division Street car—they had laid cables since his arrival—and together they went over the beauties and humor of the thing they had seen. He asked permission to call again next day, and at the end of an afternoon in her company, proposed that they go to hear a famous preacher who was speaking in Central Music Hall evenings.
After the performance, he navigated her through the bustling crowds to a North Division Street trolley—they had installed cables since he got there—and together they talked about the beauty and humor of what they had seen. He asked if he could call her again the next day, and after spending an afternoon together, he suggested that they go listen to a famous preacher who was speaking at Central Music Hall in the evenings.
Angela was pleased at Eugene's resourcefulness. She wanted to be with him; this was a good excuse. They went early and enjoyed it. Eugene liked the sermon as an expression of youth and beauty and power to command. He would have liked to be an orator like that, and he told Angela so. And he confided more and more of himself to her. She was impressed by his vivid interest in life, his selective power, and felt that he was destined to be a notable personality.
Angela was impressed by Eugene's cleverness. She wanted to be with him; this was a perfect excuse. They went early and enjoyed it. Eugene appreciated the sermon as a showcase of youth, beauty, and the ability to command attention. He wished he could be an orator like that, and he shared this with Angela. He gradually opened up more to her. She admired his vibrant passion for life, his discerning nature, and believed he was meant to become a remarkable individual.
There were other meetings. She came again in early November and before Christmas and Eugene was fast becoming lost in the meshes of her hair. Although he met Ruby in November and took up a tentative relation on a less spiritual basis—as he would have said at the time—he nevertheless held this acquaintanceship with Angela in the background as a superior and more significant thing. She was purer than Ruby; there was in her certainly a deeper vein of feeling, as expressed in her thoughts and music. Moreover she represented a country home, something like his own, a nice simple country town, nice people. Why should he part with her, or ever let her know anything of this other world that he touched? He did not think he ought to. He was afraid that he would lose her, and he knew that she would make any man an ideal wife. She came again in December and he almost proposed to her—he must not be free with her or draw too near too rapidly. She made him feel the sacredness of love and marriage. And he did propose in January.
There were other meetings. She visited again in early November and before Christmas, and Eugene was quickly getting tangled in her hair. Although he met Ruby in November and started a tentative relationship on a less spiritual level—like he would have said at the time—he still kept his connection with Angela in the background as something more important and meaningful. She was more innocent than Ruby; there was definitely a deeper emotional depth in her, shown through her thoughts and music. Additionally, she represented a country home, similar to his own, a nice simple town, with nice people. Why should he let her go or let her know anything about this other world he was touching? He didn't think he should. He was afraid of losing her, and he knew she would make any man a perfect wife. She came again in December, and he almost proposed to her—he mustn't be too forward or get too close too quickly. She made him feel the sanctity of love and marriage. And he did propose in January.
The artist is a blend of subtleties in emotion which can not be [Pg 82] classified. No one woman could have satisfied all sides of Eugene's character at that time. Beauty was the point with him. Any girl who was young, emotional or sympathetic to the right degree and beautiful would have attracted and held him for a while. He loved beauty—not a plan of life. He was interested in an artistic career, not in the founding of a family. Girlhood—the beauty of youth—was artistic, hence he craved it.
The artist is a mix of emotional subtleties that can't be classified. No single woman could have fulfilled all aspects of Eugene's character at that time. Beauty was what mattered to him. Any girl who was young, emotional, sympathetic to a certain extent, and beautiful would have caught his attention and held him for a while. He loved beauty—not a life plan. He was focused on an artistic career, not on starting a family. Girlhood—the beauty of youth—was artistic, which is why he longed for it.
Angela's mental and emotional composition was stable. She had learned to believe from childhood that marriage was a fixed thing. She believed in one life and one love. When you found that, every other relationship which did not minister to it was ended. If children came, very good; if not, very good; marriage was permanent anyhow. And if you did not marry happily it was nevertheless your duty to endure and suffer for whatever good might remain. You might suffer badly in such a union, but it was dangerous and disgraceful to break it. If you could not stand it any more, your life was a failure.
Angela's mental and emotional state was steady. She had grown up believing that marriage was permanent. She believed in one life and one love. Once you found that, any other relationship that didn’t support it was over. If children came, that was great; if not, that was fine too; marriage was forever regardless. And even if you weren't happy in your marriage, it was still your responsibility to endure and suffer for whatever good might still be there. You might struggle a lot in such a relationship, but breaking it was seen as dangerous and shameful. If you couldn't handle it anymore, your life was considered a failure.
Of course, Eugene did not know what he was trifling with. He had no conception of the nature of the relationship he was building up. He went on blindly dreaming of this girl as an ideal, and anticipating eventual marriage with her. When that would be, he had no idea, for though his salary had been raised at Christmas he was getting only eighteen dollars a week; but he deemed it would come within a reasonable time.
Of course, Eugene had no idea what he was getting himself into. He didn’t understand the kind of relationship he was developing. He continued to dream of this girl as an ideal and looked forward to eventually marrying her. He had no clue when that would happen, because even though his salary had been raised at Christmas, he was only making eighteen dollars a week; but he thought it would happen in a reasonable amount of time.
Meanwhile, his visits to Ruby had brought the inevitable result. The very nature of the situation seemed to compel it. She was young, brimming over with a love of adventure, admiring youth and strength in men. Eugene, with his pale face, which had just a touch of melancholy about it, his sex magnetism, his love of beauty, appealed to her. Uncurbed passion was perhaps uppermost to begin with; very shortly it was confounded with affection, for this girl could love. She was sweet, good natured, ignorant of life from many points of view. Eugene represented the most dramatic imagination she had yet seen. She described to him the character of her foster parents, told how simple they were and how she could do about as she pleased. They did not know that she posed in the nude. She confided to him her particular friendship for certain artists, denying any present intimacies. She admitted them in the past, but asserted that they were bygones. Eugene really did not believe this. He suspected her of meeting other approaches in the spirit in which she had met his own. It aroused his jealousy, and he wished at once that she were not a model. He said as much and she laughed. She [Pg 83] knew he would act like that, it was the first proof of real, definite interest in her on his part.
Meanwhile, his visits to Ruby had led to the expected outcome. The nature of the situation seemed to force it. She was young, full of a desire for adventure, and attracted to youth and strength in men. Eugene, with his pale face marked by a hint of sadness, his charm, and his love of beauty, caught her attention. At first, unrestrained passion was perhaps the primary feeling; soon, it blended with affection, for this girl was capable of love. She was sweet, easygoing, and naive about life in many ways. Eugene represented the most dramatic imagination she had encountered. She shared with him details about her foster parents, explaining how simple they were and how she could pretty much do as she liked. They had no idea she posed nude. She confided in him about her close friendships with certain artists but denied any current romantic relationships. She acknowledged past connections but insisted they were behind her. Eugene didn't really believe her. He suspected she was open to other advances in the same way she had been with him. It stirred his jealousy, and he immediately wished she weren't a model. He said as much, and she laughed. She [Pg 83] knew he would react that way; it was the first clear sign of genuine interest in her on his part.
From that time on there were lovely days and evenings spent in her company. Before the dinner she invited him over to breakfast one Sunday. Her foster parents were to be away and she was to have the house to herself. She wanted to cook Eugene a breakfast—principally to show him she could cook—and then it was novel. She waited till he arrived at nine to begin operations and then, arrayed in a neat little lavender, close fitting house dress, and a ruffled white apron, went about her work, setting the table, making biscuit, preparing a kidney ragout with strong wine, and making coffee.
From that point on, she spent beautiful days and evenings in his company. Before dinner, she invited him over for breakfast one Sunday. Her foster parents were going to be away, so she would have the house to herself. She wanted to cook Eugene breakfast—mainly to show him she could cook—and it felt exciting. She waited until he arrived at nine to start and then, dressed in a cute lavender, fitted house dress and a ruffled white apron, got to work, setting the table, making biscuits, preparing a kidney ragout with strong wine, and brewing coffee.
Eugene was delighted. He followed her about, delaying her work by taking her in his arms and kissing her. She got flour on her nose and he brushed it off with his lips.
Eugene was thrilled. He kept following her around, interrupting her work by picking her up and kissing her. She got flour on her nose, and he wiped it off with his lips.
It was on this occasion that she showed him a very pleasing little dance she could do—a clog dance, which had a running, side-ways motion, with frequent and rapid clicking of the heels. She gathered her skirts a little way above her ankles and twinkled her feet through a maze of motions. Eugene was beside himself with admiration. He told himself he had never met such a girl—to be so clever at posing, playing and dancing, and so young. He thought she would make a delightful creature to live with, and he wished now he had money enough to make it possible. At this high-flown moment and at some others he thought he might almost marry her.
It was during this moment that she showed him a really charming little dance she could do—a clog dance that had a quick, side-to-side motion, with lots of rapid clicking of her heels. She lifted her skirts a bit above her ankles and danced her feet through a flurry of movements. Eugene was completely blown away with admiration. He thought to himself that he had never met anyone like her—so skilled at posing, playing, and dancing, and so young. He imagined she would be such a wonderful person to be with, and he wished he had enough money to make it happen. In this dreamy moment and a few others, he thought he might even consider marrying her.
On the night of the dinner he took her to Sofroni's, and was surprised to find her arrayed in a red dress with a row of large black leather buttons cutting diagonally across the front. She had on red stockings and shoes and wore a red carnation in her hair. The bodice was cut low in the neck and the sleeves were short. Eugene thought she looked stunning and told her so. She laughed. They went in a cab, for she had warned him beforehand that they would have to. It cost him two dollars each way but he excused his extravagance on the ground of necessity. It was little things like this that were beginning to make him think strongly of the problem of getting on.
On the night of the dinner, he took her to Sofroni's and was surprised to see her in a red dress with a row of large black leather buttons going diagonally across the front. She wore red stockings and shoes and had a red carnation in her hair. The bodice was low-cut, and the sleeves were short. Eugene thought she looked amazing and told her so. She laughed. They took a cab because she had warned him in advance that they needed to. It cost him two dollars each way, but he justified his spending as necessary. It was little things like this that were starting to make him think seriously about the challenge of getting ahead.
The students who had got up this dinner were from all the art classes, day and night. There were over two hundred of them, all of them young, and there was a mixed collection of girl art students, artist's models and girl friends of various grades of thought and condition, who were brought as companions. The big dining-room was tempestuous with the rattling of dishes, the shouting of jests, the singing of songs and the exchange of [Pg 84] greetings. Eugene knew a few of these people outside his own classes, enough to give him the chance to be sociable and not appear lonely or out of it.
The students at this dinner came from all the art classes, both day and night. There were over two hundred of them, all young, including a mixed group of female art students, artist's models, and friends of varying backgrounds and statuses, who were there as companions. The large dining room was lively with the clattering of dishes, laughter, singing, and the exchange of [Pg 84] greetings. Eugene recognized a few of these people outside of his classes, enough to feel sociable and avoid looking lonely or out of place.
From the outset it was apparent that she, Ruby, was generally known and liked. Her costume—a little bold—made her conspicuous. From various directions there were cries of "Hey! Rube!" which was a familiar interpretation of her first name, Ruby.
From the beginning, it was clear that she, Ruby, was well-known and liked. Her outfit—a bit daring—made her stand out. From different directions, people called out "Hey! Rube!" which was a common way of shortening her first name, Ruby.
Eugene was surprised at this—it shocked him a little. All sorts of boys he did not know came and talked to her, exchanging familiar gossip. She was called away from him a dozen times in as many minutes. He saw her laughing and chatting at the other end of the hall, surrounded by half a dozen students. It made him jealous.
Eugene was taken aback by this—it surprised him a bit. All kinds of boys he didn’t know came over to talk to her, sharing casual gossip. She was called away from him a dozen times in just as many minutes. He watched her laughing and chatting at the other end of the hall, surrounded by a few students. It made him jealous.
As the evening progressed the attitude of each toward the other and all toward anyone became more and more familiar. When the courses were over, a space was cleared at one end and a screen of green cloth rigged up in one corner as a dressing room for stunts. Eugene saw one of the students called with much applause to do an Irish monologue, wearing green whiskers, which he adjusted in the presence of the crowd. There was another youth who pretended to have with him an immense roll of verse—an epic, no less—wound in so tight a manner that it looked as though it might take all night to read it. The crowd groaned. With amazing savoir faire he put up one hand for silence, dropped the roll, holding, of course, to the outer end and began reading. It was not bad verse, but the amusing part was that it was really short, not more than twenty lines. The rest of the paper had been covered with scribbling to deceive the crowd. It secured a round of applause. There was one second-year man who sang a song—"Down in the Lehigh Valley"—and another who gave imitations of Temple Boyle and other instructors at their work of criticising and painting for the benefit of the class. These were greatly enjoyed. Finally one of the models, after much calling by the crowd of "Desmond! Desmond!"—her last name—went behind the green cloth screen and in a few moments reappeared in the short skirt of a Spanish dancer, with black and silver spangles, and castanets. Some friendly student had brought a mandolin and "La Paloma" was danced.
As the evening went on, everyone started to feel more comfortable with each other. Once the meals were finished, a space was cleared at one end, and a green cloth screen was set up in a corner as a dressing room for some performances. Eugene watched as one of the students was called up to do an Irish monologue, receiving a lot of applause while adjusting his green whiskers in front of the crowd. Another young man pretended to have an enormous roll of poetry—an epic, no less—wrapped so tightly that it looked like it would take all night to read. The audience groaned. With impressive confidence, he raised one hand for silence, dropped the roll while holding on to the outer end, and began to read. The verse wasn't bad, but the funny part was that it was actually really short, no more than twenty lines. The rest of the paper was filled with scribblings to fool the audience. This got him a round of applause. One second-year student sang a song called "Down in the Lehigh Valley," while another did impressions of Temple Boyle and other instructors as they critiqued and painted for the class, which everyone really enjoyed. Finally, one of the models, after much cheering from the crowd with shouts of "Desmond! Desmond!"—her last name—went behind the green cloth screen and soon emerged in the short skirt of a Spanish dancer, complete with black and silver sequins and castanets. A friendly student had brought a mandolin, and she danced to "La Paloma."
Eugene had little of Ruby's company during all these doings. She was too much sought after. As the other girl was concluding her dance he heard the cry of "Hey, Rube! Why don't you do your turn?" Someone else, eager to see her dance, called [Pg 85] "Come on, Ruby!" The rest of the room, almost unthinkingly took it up. Some boys surrounding her had started to push her toward the dancing space. Before Eugene knew it she was up in someone's arms being passed from group to group for a joke. The crowd cheered. Eugene, however, having come so close to her, was irritated by this familiarity. She did not appear to belong to him, but to the whole art-student body. And she was laughing. When she was put down in the clear space she lifted her skirts as she had done for him and danced. A crowd of students got very close. He had to draw near to see her at all. And there she was, unconscious of him, doing her gay clog dance. When she stopped, three or four of the more daring youths urged her, seizing her by the hands and arms, to do something else. Someone cleared a table and someone else picked her up and put her on it. She did still other dances. Someone cried, "Hey, Kenny, do you need the red dress?" So this was his temporary sweetheart.
Eugene had very little time with Ruby during all this. She was in high demand. As the other girl wrapped up her dance, he heard someone shout, "Hey, Rube! Why don't you show us your moves?" Another person, eager to see her perform, called out, "Come on, Ruby!" The rest of the room mindlessly joined in. Some boys around her started to push her toward the dance floor. Before Eugene knew it, she was being lifted into someone's arms and passed around among the group as a joke. The crowd cheered. Eugene, who was so close to her, felt annoyed by this casualness. She didn’t seem to belong to him but to the entire art-student crowd. And she was laughing. When she was finally set down in the open space, she lifted her skirts as she had done for him and danced. A group of students gathered really close. He had to move in to see her at all. And there she was, unaware of him, performing her cheerful clog dance. When she stopped, three or four of the bolder guys encouraged her, grabbing her hands and arms, to do something else. Someone cleared off a table, and another person picked her up and set her on it. She danced some more. Someone shouted, "Hey, Kenny, do you need the red dress?" So this was his temporary girlfriend.
When she was finally ready to go home at four o'clock in the morning, or when the others were agreed to let her go, she hardly remembered that she had Eugene with her. She saw him waiting as two students were asking for the privilege of taking her home.
When she was finally ready to head home at four in the morning, or when the others agreed to let her leave, she barely remembered that Eugene was with her. She noticed him waiting while two students were asking if they could take her home.
"No," she exclaimed, seeing him, "I have my escort. I'm going now. Good-bye," and came toward him. He felt rather frozen and out of it.
"No," she said sharply, spotting him, "I have my ride. I'm leaving now. Bye," and walked towards him. He felt kind of numb and disconnected.
"Are you ready?" she asked.
"Are you ready?" she asked.
He nodded gloomily, reproachfully.
He nodded sadly, with disapproval.
CHAPTER XII
From drawing from the nude, which Eugene came to do very successfully that winter, his interest switched to his work in the illustration class where costume figures were used. Here, for the first time, he tried his hand at wash drawings, the current medium for magazine work, and was praised after a time for his execution. Not always, however; for the instructors, feeling that harsh criticism would make for steadier effort, pooh-poohed some of his best work. But he had faith in what he was destined to do, and after sinking to depths of despair he would rise to great heights of self-confidence.
From drawing the nude, which Eugene did very well that winter, his focus shifted to his work in the illustration class where they used costume figures. Here, for the first time, he experimented with wash drawings, the popular medium for magazine work, and received praise after a while for his execution. Not always, though; the instructors believed that tough criticism would encourage more consistent effort, so they dismissed some of his best pieces. But he believed in his true calling, and after hitting rock bottom in despair, he would bounce back to great heights of confidence.
His labor for the Peoples' Furniture Company was becoming a rather dreary grind when Vincent Beers, the instructor in the illustration class, looking over his shoulder one Wednesday afternoon said:—"You ought to be able to make a little money by your work pretty soon, Witla."
His work for the Peoples' Furniture Company was turning into a pretty dull routine when Vincent Beers, the instructor in the illustration class, glanced over his shoulder one Wednesday afternoon and said, “You should be able to make some money from your work soon, Witla.”
"Do you think so?" questioned Eugene.
"Do you really think that?" asked Eugene.
"It's pretty good. There ought to be a place on one of the newspapers here for a man like you—an afternoon newspaper possibly. Did you ever try to get on?"
"It's pretty good. There should be a spot in one of the local newspapers for someone like you—maybe an afternoon paper. Did you ever try to get a position?"
"I did when I first came to the city, but they didn't want anyone. I'm rather glad they didn't now. I guess they wouldn't have kept me very long."
"I did when I first got to the city, but they didn't want anyone. I'm pretty glad they didn't now. I guess they wouldn't have kept me around for very long."
"You draw in pen and ink pretty well, don't you?"
"You draw with pen and ink pretty well, don't you?"
"I thought I liked that best of all at first."
"I thought I liked that the most at first."
"Well, then, they ought to be able to use you. I wouldn't stay very long at it though. You ought to go to New York to get in the magazine illustration field—there's nothing out here. But a little newspaper work now wouldn't hurt you."
"Well, they should be able to make use of you. I wouldn't stick with it for too long, though. You should head to New York to break into the magazine illustration scene—there's nothing happening out here. But doing some newspaper work for now wouldn't be a bad idea."
Eugene decided to try the afternoon papers, for he knew that if he got work on one of these he could still continue his night classes. He could give the long evening session to the illustration class and take an occasional night off to work on the life studies. That would make an admirable arrangement. For several days he took an hour after his work to make inquiry, taking with him some examples of his pen and inks. Several of the men he saw liked what he had to show, but he found no immediate opening. There was only one paper, one of the poorest, that offered him any encouragement. The editor-in-chief said he might be in need of a man shortly. If Eugene would [Pg 87] come in again in three or four weeks he could tell him. They did not pay very much—twenty-five dollars to beginners.
Eugene decided to check out the afternoon newspapers because he knew that if he got a job at one of them, he could still continue his night classes. He could dedicate the long evening session to the illustration class and take an occasional night off to focus on life studies. That would be a great setup. For several days, he spent an hour after work to inquire, bringing along some samples of his pen and ink work. Several of the guys he met liked what he had to show, but he didn’t find any immediate openings. There was only one paper, one of the less prestigious ones, that offered him any hope. The editor-in-chief mentioned he might need someone soon. If Eugene would come back in three or four weeks, he could let him know. They didn’t pay much—just twenty-five dollars for beginners.
Eugene thought of this as a great opportunity, and when he went back in three weeks and actually secured the place, he felt that he was now fairly on the road to prosperity. He was given a desk in a small back room on a fourth floor where there was accidentally west and north light. He was in a department which held two other men, both several years older than himself, one of whom posed as "dean" of the staff.
Eugene saw this as a fantastic opportunity, and when he returned in three weeks and actually got the position, he felt he was on the path to success. He was assigned a desk in a small, back room on the fourth floor that happened to have some natural light coming from the west and north. He was part of a department with two other men, both several years older than him, one of whom acted as the "dean" of the team.
The work here was peculiar in that it included not only pen and ink but the chalk plate process which was a method of drawing with a steel point upon a zinc plate covered with a deposit of chalk, which left a design which was easily reproduced. Eugene had never done this, he had to be shown by the "dean," but he soon picked it up. He found it hard on his lungs, for he had constantly to keep blowing the chalk away as he scratched the surface of the plate, and sometimes the dust went up into his nostrils. He hoped sincerely there would not be much of this work, but there was rather an undue proportion at first owing to the fact that it was shouldered on to him by the other two—he being the beginner. He suspected as much after a little time, but by that time he was beginning to make friends with his companions and things were not so bad.
The work here was unique because it involved not just pen and ink but also the chalk plate process, which is a method of drawing with a steel point on a zinc plate covered with a chalk layer, leaving a design that could be easily reproduced. Eugene had never tried this before and had to be shown how by the "dean," but he quickly got the hang of it. He found it tough on his lungs since he constantly had to blow the chalk away while scratching the plate's surface, and sometimes the dust got into his nose. He sincerely hoped there wouldn't be much of this work, but at first, he ended up doing more than his share because the other two pushed it onto him—him being the newbie. He suspected this after a while, but by then he had started to make friends with his teammates, and things weren't so bad.
These two, although they did not figure vastly in his life, introduced him to conditions and personalities in the Chicago newspaper world which broadened him and presented points of view which were helpful. The elder of the two, the "dean," was dressy and art-y; his name was Horace Howe. The other, Jeremiah Mathews, Jerry for short, was short and fat, with a round, cheerful, smiling countenance and a wealth of coarse black hair. He loved chewing tobacco, was a little mussy about his clothes, but studious, generous and good natured. Eugene found that he had several passions, one for good food, another for oriental curios and a third for archæology. He was alive to all that was going on in the world, and was utterly without any prejudices, social, moral or religious. He liked his work, and whistled or talked as he did it. Eugene took a secret like for him from the beginning.
These two, although they didn't play a major role in his life, exposed him to the conditions and personalities in the Chicago newspaper world that broadened his perspective and offered useful viewpoints. The older of the two, the "dean," was stylish and artsy; his name was Horace Howe. The other, Jeremiah Mathews, called Jerry for short, was short and overweight, with a round, cheerful face and a thick head of coarse black hair. He loved chewing tobacco, was a bit messy about his clothes, but was also studious, generous, and good-natured. Eugene discovered that he had several interests: a love for good food, a fascination with oriental curios, and a passion for archaeology. He was attuned to everything happening in the world and had no social, moral, or religious prejudices. He enjoyed his work and often whistled or talked while doing it. From the start, Eugene secretly appreciated him.
It was while working on this paper that Eugene first learned that he really could write. It came about accidentally for he had abandoned the idea that he could ever do anything in newspaper work, which was the field he had originally contemplated. Here there was great need for cheap Sunday specials of a local character, and in reading some of these, which were given to [Pg 88] him for illustration, he came to the conclusion that he could do much better himself.
It was while working on this paper that Eugene first realized he truly could write. This happened by chance because he had given up on the idea that he could ever succeed in newspaper work, which was the field he had initially considered. There was a significant demand for affordable local Sunday specials, and while reading some of these, which were provided to him for reference, he concluded that he could do much better himself.
"Say," he asked Mathews, "who writes the articles in here?" He was looking over the Sunday issue.
"Hey," he asked Mathews, "who writes the articles in here?" He was looking through the Sunday issue.
"Oh, the reporters on the staff—anyone that wants to. I think they buy some from outsiders. They only pay four dollars a column."
"Oh, the reporters on the staff—anyone can join. I think they also buy some from freelancers. They only pay four dollars per column."
Eugene wondered if they would pay him, but pay or no pay he wanted to do them. Maybe they would let him sign his name. He saw that some were signed. He suggested he believed he could do that sort of thing but Howe, as a writer himself, frowned on this. He wrote and drew. Howe's opposition piqued Eugene who decided to try when the opportunity offered. He wanted to write about the Chicago River, which he thought he could illustrate effectively. Goose Island, because of the description he had read of it several years before, the simple beauties of the city parks where he liked to stroll and watch the lovers on Sundays. There were many things, but these stood as susceptible of delicious, feeling illustration and he wanted to try his hand. He suggested to the Sunday Editor, Mitchell Goldfarb, with whom he had become friendly, that he thought something nice in an illustrative way could be done on the Chicago River.
Eugene wondered if they would pay him, but whether they did or not, he wanted to do the work. Maybe they would let him sign his name. He noticed that some pieces were signed. He mentioned that he believed he could handle that kind of work, but Howe, who was a writer himself, didn’t think it was a good idea. He wrote and drew. Howe's disapproval motivated Eugene, and he decided he would try when the chance came up. He wanted to write about the Chicago River, which he believed he could illustrate well. Goose Island caught his attention because of a description he had read a few years earlier, along with the simple beauty of the city parks where he enjoyed strolling and watching couples on Sundays. There were many things, but these stood out as capable of beautiful, emotional illustration, and he wanted to give it a shot. He suggested to the Sunday Editor, Mitchell Goldfarb, with whom he had become friends, that he thought something nice could be done in an illustrative way about the Chicago River.
"Go ahead, try your hand," exclaimed that worthy, who was a vigorous, robust, young American of about thirty-one, with a gaspy laugh that sounded as if someone had thrown cold water down his back. "We need all that stuff. Can you write?"
"Go ahead, give it a shot," exclaimed the guy, who was a strong, healthy young American in his early thirties, with a laugh that sounded like someone had just splashed cold water on him. "We need all that stuff. Can you write?"
"I sometimes think I might if I practiced a little."
"I sometimes think I could if I practiced a bit."
"Why not," went on the other, who saw visions of a little free copy. "Try your hand. You might make a good thing of it. If your writing is anything like your drawing it will be all right. We don't pay people on the staff, but you can sign your name to it."
"Why not," continued the other, who imagined the possibility of getting a free copy. "Give it a shot. You could do really well with it. If your writing is anything like your drawing, it should be fine. We don’t pay staff members, but you can still put your name on it."
This was enough for Eugene. He tried his hand at once. His art work had already begun to impress his companions. It was rough, daring, incisive, with a touch of soul to it. Howe was already secretly envious, Mathews full of admiration. Encouraged thus by Goldfarb Eugene took a Sunday afternoon and followed up the branches of the Chicago River, noting its wonders and peculiarities, and finally made his drawings. Afterward he went to the Chicago library and looked up its history—accidentally coming across the reports of some government engineers who dwelt on the oddities of its traffic. He did not write an article so much as a panegyric on its beauty and littleness, finding [Pg 89] the former where few would have believed it to exist. Goldfarb was oddly surprised when he read it. He had not thought Eugene could do it.
This was enough for Eugene. He decided to give it a try. His artwork was already starting to impress his friends. It was rough, bold, sharp, and had a touch of depth to it. Howe was already secretly jealous, while Mathews was full of admiration. Encouraged by Goldfarb, Eugene took a Sunday afternoon to explore the branches of the Chicago River, taking note of its wonders and quirks, and finally created his drawings. Afterwards, he visited the Chicago library and researched its history, accidentally coming across reports from government engineers discussing the river's unique traffic. He ended up writing not just an article, but a tribute to its beauty and intricacies, finding the former in places few would have thought it existed. Goldfarb was unexpectedly surprised when he read it. He hadn't believed Eugene could accomplish this.
The charm of Eugene's writing was that while his mind was full of color and poetry he had logic and a desire for facts which gave what he wrote stability. He liked to know the history of things and to comment on the current phases of life. He wrote of the parks, Goose Island, the Bridewell, whatever took his fancy.
The appeal of Eugene's writing was that although his thoughts were vibrant and poetic, he also had a clear sense of logic and a thirst for facts that made his work grounded. He enjoyed learning the history behind things and sharing his thoughts on contemporary aspects of life. He wrote about parks, Goose Island, the Bridewell, or anything that captured his interest.
His real passion was for art, however. It was a slightly easier medium for him—quicker. He thrilled to think, sometimes, that he could tell a thing in words and then actually draw it. It seemed a beautiful privilege and he loved the thought of making the commonplace dramatic. It was all dramatic to him—the wagons in the streets, the tall buildings, the street lamps—anything, everything.
His true passion was art, though. It was a bit easier for him—faster. He was excited to think that he could describe something in words and then actually draw it. It felt like a wonderful privilege, and he loved the idea of making the ordinary dramatic. To him, everything was dramatic—the trucks on the streets, the tall buildings, the streetlights—anything and everything.
His drawing was not neglected meantime, but seemed to get stronger.
His drawing didn’t get ignored during that time; it actually seemed to improve.
"I don't know what there is about your stuff, Witla, that gets me," Mathews said to him one day, "but you do something to it. Now why did you put those birds flying above that smokestack?"
"I don't know what it is about your work, Witla, that grabs me," Mathews said to him one day, "but you have a way of making it special. So why did you have those birds flying over that smokestack?"
"Oh, I don't know," replied Eugene. "It's just the way I feel about it. I've seen pigeons flying like that."
"Oh, I don't know," replied Eugene. "It's just how I feel about it. I've seen pigeons flying like that."
"It's all to the good," replied Mathews. "And then you handle your masses right. I don't see anybody doing this sort of thing over here."
"It's all good," replied Mathews. "And then you manage your groups well. I don’t see anyone doing this kind of thing over here."
He meant in America, for these two art workers considered themselves connoisseurs of pen and ink and illustration generally. They were subscribers to Jugend, Simplicissimus, Pick-Me-Up and the radical European art journals. They were aware of Steinlen and Cheret and Mucha and the whole rising young school of French poster workers. Eugene was surprised to hear of these men and these papers. He began to gain confidence in himself—to think of himself as somebody.
He was referring to America, as these two artists saw themselves as experts in pen and ink and illustration. They subscribed to Jugend, Simplicissimus, Pick-Me-Up, and various progressive European art magazines. They knew about Steinlen, Cheret, Mucha, and the whole emerging generation of French poster artists. Eugene was taken aback to learn about these individuals and these publications. He started to believe in himself—beginning to see himself as someone important.
It was while he was gaining this knowledge—finding out who was who and what and why that he followed up his relationship with Angela Blue to its logical conclusion—he became engaged to her. In spite of his connection with Ruby Kenny, which continued unbroken after the dinner, he nevertheless felt that he must have Angela; partly because she offered more resistance than any girl since Stella, and partly because she appeared to be so innocent, simple and good hearted. And she was altogether lovely. She had a beautiful figure, which no [Pg 90] crudity of country dressmaking could conceal. She had her wonderful wealth of hair and her large, luring, water-clear blue eyes. She had colorful lips and cheeks, a natural grace in walking, could dance and play the piano. Eugene looked at her and came to the conclusion after a time that she was as beautiful as any girl he had ever seen—that she had more soul, more emotion, more sweetness. He tried to hold her hand, to kiss her, to take her in his arms, but she eluded him in a careful, wary and yet half yielding way. She wanted him to propose to her, not because she was anxious to trap him, but because her conventional conscience told her these things were not right outside a definite engagement and she wanted to be engaged first. She was already in love with him. When he pleaded, she was anxious to throw herself in his arms in a mad embrace, but she restrained herself, waiting. At last he flung his arms about her as she was sitting at the piano one evening and holding her tight pressed his lips to her cheek.
While he was gaining this knowledge—figuring out who was who and what was what—he took his relationship with Angela Blue to its logical conclusion: he got engaged to her. Even though he was still connected with Ruby Kenny, which remained steady after dinner, he felt he had to have Angela; partly because she posed more of a challenge than any girl since Stella, and partly because she seemed so innocent, simple, and kind-hearted. Plus, she was absolutely lovely. She had a stunning figure that no crude country dress could hide. Her hair was beautiful, and her large, inviting, crystal-clear blue eyes were captivating. She had colorful lips and cheeks, walked with a natural grace, and could dance and play the piano. After a while, Eugene realized she was as beautiful as any girl he had ever seen—she had more soul, more emotion, and more sweetness. He tried to hold her hand, kiss her, and embrace her, but she skillfully kept him at bay while still being somewhat open. She wanted him to propose, not out of a desire to trap him, but because her conventional values told her that these things shouldn’t happen outside of an official engagement, and she wanted to be engaged first. She was already in love with him. When he begged, she longed to throw herself into his arms in a passionate embrace, but she held back, waiting. Finally, one evening, he wrapped his arms around her while she sat at the piano, and holding her tightly, he kissed her cheek.
She struggled to her feet. "You musn't," she said. "It isn't right. I can't let you do that."
She got to her feet with difficulty. "You can't," she said. "It's not right. I can't let you do that."
"But I love you," he exclaimed, pursuing her. "I want to marry you. Will you have me, Angela? Will you be mine?"
"But I love you," he said, chasing after her. "I want to marry you. Will you be with me, Angela? Will you be mine?"
She looked at him yearningly, for she realized that she had made him do things her way—this wild, unpractical, artistic soul. She wanted to yield then and there but something told her to wait.
She looked at him with longing, knowing that she had made him do things her way—this wild, impractical, artistic soul. She wanted to give in right then and there, but something told her to hold off.
"I won't tell you now," she said, "I want to talk to papa and mamma. I haven't told them anything as yet. I want to ask them about you, and then I'll tell you when I come again."
"I won't tell you right now," she said, "I want to talk to Dad and Mom. I haven't told them anything yet. I want to ask them about you, and then I'll let you know when I come back."
"Oh, Angela," he pleaded.
"Oh, Angela," he begged.
"Now, please wait, Mr. Witla," she pleaded. She had never yet called him Eugene. "I'll come again in two or three weeks. I want to think it over. It's better."
"Please wait, Mr. Witla," she said earnestly. She had never called him Eugene before. "I'll come back in two or three weeks. I need to think it over. It's for the best."
He curbed his desire and waited, but it made all the more vigorous and binding the illusion that she was the one woman in the world for him. She aroused more than any woman yet a sense of the necessity of concealing the eagerness of his senses—of pretending something higher. He even tried to deceive himself into the belief that this was a spiritual relationship, but underneath all was a burning sense of her beauty, her physical charm, her passion. She was sleeping as yet, bound in convention and a semi-religious interpretation of life. If she were aroused! He closed his eyes and dreamed.
He held back his desire and waited, but this only strengthened the illusion that she was the one woman in the world for him. She stirred within him more than any other woman a feeling of needing to hide his eagerness—of pretending there was something deeper. He even tried to convince himself that this was a spiritual relationship, but deep down, he was consumed by her beauty, her physical allure, her passion. She was still sleeping, trapped in convention and a semi-religious view of life. If only she would wake up! He closed his eyes and daydreamed.
CHAPTER XIII
In two weeks Angela came back, ready to plight her faith; and Eugene was waiting, eager to receive it. He had planned to meet her under the smoky train shed of the Chicago, Milwaukee and St. Paul depot, to escort her to Kinsley's for dinner, to bring her some flowers, to give her a ring he had secured in anticipation, a ring which had cost him seventy-five dollars and consumed quite all his savings; but she was too regardful of the drama of the situation to meet him anywhere but in the parlor of her aunt's house, where she could look as she wished. She wrote that she must come down early and when he arrived at eight of a Saturday evening she was dressed in the dress that seemed most romantic to her, the one she had worn when she first met him at Alexandria. She half suspected that he would bring flowers and so wore none, and when he came with pink roses, she added those to her corsage. She was a picture of rosy youth and trimness and not unlike the character by whose name he had christened her—the fair Elaine of Arthur's court. Her yellow hair was done in a great mass that hung sensuously about her neck; her cheeks were rosy with the elation of the hour; her lips moist; her eyes bright. She fairly sparkled her welcome as he entered.
In two weeks, Angela returned, ready to declare her faith, and Eugene was there, excited to receive it. He had planned to meet her under the smoky train shed of the Chicago, Milwaukee, and St. Paul depot, to take her to Kinsley’s for dinner, to bring her some flowers, and to give her a ring he had bought in anticipation—a ring that cost him seventy-five dollars and used up almost all his savings. But she was too aware of the drama of the situation to meet him anywhere but in the parlor of her aunt's house, where she could present herself as she wanted. She wrote that she needed to come down early, and when he arrived at eight on a Saturday evening, she was wearing the dress she thought was most romantic, the one she had on when they first met in Alexandria. She suspected he might bring flowers, so she wore none, and when he came with pink roses, she added them to her corsage. She looked like a picture of youthful energy and elegance, not unlike the character after whom he had named her—the fair Elaine from Arthur's court. Her blonde hair was styled in a lovely mass that hung sensuously around her neck; her cheeks were flushed with excitement; her lips were moist; her eyes sparkled. She practically radiated joy as he entered.
At the sight of her Eugene was beside himself. He was always at the breaking point over any romantic situation. The beauty of the idea—the beauty of love as love; the delight of youth filled his mind as a song might, made him tense, feverish, enthusiastic.
At the sight of her, Eugene was overwhelmed. He always reached his limit with any romantic situation. The beauty of the idea—the beauty of love itself; the joy of youth filled his mind like a song, making him anxious, excited, and passionate.
"You're here at last, Angela!" he said, trying to keep hold of her hands. "What word?"
"You're finally here, Angela!" he said, trying to hold onto her hands. "What’s the word?"
"Oh, you musn't ask so soon," she replied. "I want to talk to you first. I'll play you something."
"Oh, you shouldn't ask so soon," she replied. "I want to talk to you first. I'll play something for you."
"No," he said, following her as she backed toward the piano. "I want to know. I must. I can't wait."
"No," he said, following her as she backed up toward the piano. "I need to know. I have to. I can't wait."
"I haven't made up my mind," she pleaded evasively. "I want to think. You had better let me play."
"I haven't decided yet," she said, dodging the question. "I want to think it over. You should let me play."
"Oh, no," he urged.
"Oh, no," he pleaded.
"Yes, let me play."
"Yes, let me play."
She ignored him and swept into the composition, but all the while she was conscious of him hovering over her—a force. At the close, when she had been made even more emotionally responsive [Pg 92] by the suggestion of the music, he slipped his arms about her as he had once before, but she struggled away again, slipping to a corner and standing at bay. He liked her flushed face, her shaken hair, the roses awry at her waist.
She ignored him and dove into the music, but she could feel him hovering over her—a presence. At the end, when the music had made her even more emotionally open,[Pg 92] he wrapped his arms around her like he had before, but she pushed away again, retreating to a corner and standing her ground. He appreciated her flushed face, her tousled hair, and the roses askew at her waist.
"You must tell me now," he said, standing before her. "Will you have me?"
"You need to tell me right now," he said, standing in front of her. "Do you want me?"
She dropped her head down as though doubting, and fearing familiarities; he slipped to one knee to see her eyes. Then, looking up, he caught her about the waist. "Will you?" he asked.
She lowered her head as if she was unsure and afraid of getting too familiar; he knelt down to look into her eyes. Then, glancing up, he wrapped his arms around her waist. "Will you?" he asked.
She looked at his soft hair, dark and thick, his smooth pale brow, his black eyes and even chin. She wanted to yield dramatically and this was dramatic enough. She put her hands to his head, bent over and looked into his eyes; her hair fell forward about her face. "Will you be good to me?" she asked, yearning into his eyes.
She looked at his soft hair, dark and thick, his smooth pale forehead, his black eyes, and even chin. She wanted to surrender dramatically, and this moment felt dramatic enough. She placed her hands on his head, leaned over, and gazed into his eyes; her hair fell forward around her face. "Will you treat me well?" she asked, longing in her eyes.
"Yes, yes," he declared. "You know that. Oh, I love you so."
"Yeah, yeah," he said. "You know that. Oh, I love you so much."
She put his head far back and laid her lips to his. There was fire, agony in it. She held him so and then he stood up heaping kisses upon her cheeks, her lips, her eyes, her neck.
She tilted his head back and pressed her lips to his. There was intensity, pain in it. She held him there, and then he stood up, showering kisses on her cheeks, her lips, her eyes, her neck.
"Good God!" he exclaimed, "how wonderful you are!"
"Wow!" he said, "you're awesome!"
The expression shocked her.
The expression surprised her.
"You mustn't," she said.
"You shouldn't," she said.
"I can't help it. You are so beautiful!"
"I can't help it. You're so beautiful!"
She forgave him for the compliment.
She accepted his compliment.
There were burning moments after this, moments in which they clung to each other desperately, moments in which he took her in his arms, moments in which he whispered his dreams of the future. He took the ring he had bought and put it on her finger. He was going to be a great artist, she was going to be an artist's bride; he was going to paint her lovely face, her hair, her form. If he wanted love scenes he would paint these which they were now living together. They talked until one in the morning and then she begged him to go, but he would not. At two he left, only to come early the next morning to take her to church.
There were intense moments after this, moments when they clung to each other desperately, moments when he held her in his arms, moments when he whispered his dreams for the future. He took the ring he had bought and slipped it on her finger. He was going to be a great artist, and she was going to be his artist's bride; he was going to paint her beautiful face, her hair, her figure. If he wanted romantic scenes, he would paint the ones they were living together. They talked until one in the morning, and then she begged him to leave, but he wouldn’t. At two, he finally left, only to return early the next morning to take her to church.
There ensued for Eugene a rather astonishing imaginative and emotional period in which he grew in perception of things literary and artistic and in dreams of what marriage with Angela would mean to him. There was a peculiar awareness about Eugene at this time, which was leading him into an understanding of things. The extraordinary demands of some phases of dogma in the matter of religion; the depths of human perversity in the matter of morality; the fact that there were worlds within [Pg 93] worlds of our social organism; that really basically and actually there was no fixed and definite understanding of anything by anybody. From Mathews he learned of philosophies—Kant, Hegel, Schopenhauer—faint inklings of what they believed. From association with Howe he heard of current authors who expressed new moods, Pierre Loti, Thomas Hardy, Maeterlinck, Tolstoi. Eugene was no person to read—he was too eager to live,—but he gained much by conversation and he liked to talk. He began to think he could do almost anything if he tried—write poems, write plays, write stories, paint, illustrate, etc. He used to conceive of himself as a general, an orator, a politician—thinking how wonderful he would be if he could set himself definitely to any one thing. Sometimes he would recite passages from great speeches he had composed in his imagination as he walked. The saving grace in his whole make-up was that he really loved to work and he would work at the things he could do. He would not shirk his assignments or dodge his duties.
For Eugene, there followed a truly amazing period filled with imagination and emotion, during which he became more aware of literary and artistic matters and contemplated what marriage to Angela would mean for him. He had a unique awareness at this time that was leading him to a deeper understanding of various topics. He grappled with the intense demands of religious dogma, the complexities of human morality, and the realization that our social structure contained layers within layers, revealing that fundamentally there wasn't a clear and definite understanding of anything by anyone. From Mathews, he learned about different philosophies—Kant, Hegel, Schopenhauer—gaining faint insights into their beliefs. Through his connection with Howe, he heard about contemporary authors who expressed new emotions, like Pierre Loti, Thomas Hardy, Maeterlinck, and Tolstoy. Eugene wasn't much of a reader—he was too eager to experience life—but he learned a lot through conversation and enjoyed discussing ideas. He started to believe that he could accomplish almost anything if he applied himself—writing poems, plays, stories, painting, illustrating, and so on. He imagined himself as a general, an orator, a politician, and thought about how remarkable he would be if he committed himself to any one pursuit. Sometimes, he would recite passages from great speeches he had created in his mind while walking. The most positive aspect of his character was that he genuinely loved to work and would dedicate himself to the tasks he could handle. He wouldn't avoid his responsibilities or shy away from his duties.
After his evening class Eugene would sometimes go out to Ruby's house, getting there by eleven and being admitted by an arrangement with her that the front door be left open so that he could enter quietly. More than once he found her sleeping in her little room off the front room, arrayed in a red silk dressing gown and curled up like a little black-haired child. She knew he liked her art instincts and she strove to gratify them, affecting the peculiar and the exceptional. She would place a candle under a red shade on a small table by her bed and pretend to have been reading, the book being usually tossed to one side on the coverlet where he would see it lying when he came. He would enter silently, gathering her up in his arms as she dozed, kissing her lips to waken her, carrying her in his arms into the front room to caress her and whisper his passion. There was no cessation of this devotion to Ruby the while he was declaring his love for Angela, and he really did not see that the two interfered greatly. He loved Angela, he thought. He liked Ruby, thought she was sweet. He felt sorry for her at times because she was such a little thing, so unthinking. Who was going to marry her eventually? What was going to become of her?
After his evening class, Eugene would sometimes go over to Ruby's house, arriving by eleven and being let in through a prior arrangement to leave the front door open so he could sneak in quietly. More than once, he found her sleeping in her small room off the front room, dressed in a red silk robe and curled up like a little black-haired child. She knew he appreciated her artistic instincts and tried to indulge them, embracing the unique and the extraordinary. She would set a candle with a red shade on a small table next to her bed and pretend to have been reading, the book usually tossed to the side on the coverlet where he would see it when he arrived. He would slip in quietly, lifting her gently in his arms as she slept, kissing her lips to wake her, before carrying her into the front room to hug her and share his feelings. His devotion to Ruby continued even while he professed his love for Angela, and he didn’t really think the two loved interests conflicted much. He believed he loved Angela; he liked Ruby and thought she was sweet. Sometimes he felt sorry for her because she was so small and naive. Who was going to marry her eventually? What would happen to her?
Because of this very attitude he fascinated the girl who was soon ready to do anything for him. She dreamed dreams of how nice it would be if they could live in just a little flat together—all alone. She would give up her art posing and just keep house for him. He talked to her of this—imagining it might possibly come to pass—realizing quite fully that it probably wouldn't. He wanted Angela for his wife, but if he had money he thought [Pg 94] Ruby and he might keep a separate place—somehow. What Angela would think of this did not trouble him—only that she should not know. He never breathed anything to either of the other, but there were times when he wondered what they would think each of the other if they knew. Money, money, that was the great deterrent. For lack of money he could not marry anybody at present—neither Angela nor Ruby nor anyone else. His first duty, he thought, was so to place himself financially that he could talk seriously to any girl. That was what Angela expected of him, he knew. That was what he would have to have if he wanted Ruby.
Because of this attitude, he intrigued the girl, who soon became ready to do anything for him. She dreamed about how nice it would be if they could live together in a small apartment—all alone. She would give up her art modeling and just take care of the home for him. He talked to her about this—imagining it might actually happen—fully aware that it probably wouldn’t. He wanted Angela to be his wife, but he thought that if he had money, Ruby and he might manage to have a separate place—somehow. He didn’t worry about what Angela would think of this—only that she shouldn’t find out. He never mentioned anything to either of them, but there were times when he wondered what they would think of each other if they knew. Money, money, that was the big obstacle. Because he didn’t have money, he couldn’t marry anyone right now—neither Angela nor Ruby nor anyone else. His first priority, he thought, was to get himself in a financial position where he could seriously talk to any girl. That was what Angela expected of him, and he knew that’s what he would need if he wanted Ruby.
There came a time when the situation began to grow irksome. He had reached the point where he began to understand how limited his life was. Mathews and Howe, who drew more money, were able to live better than he. They went out to midnight suppers, theatre parties, and expeditions to the tenderloin section (not yet known by that name). They had time to browse about the sections of the city which had peculiar charms for them as Bohemians after dark—the levee, as a certain section of the Chicago River was called; Gambler's Row in South Clark Street; the Whitechapel Club, as a certain organization of newspaper men was called, and other places frequented by the literati and the more talented of the newspaper makers. Eugene, first because of a temperament which was introspective and reflective, and second because of his æsthetic taste, which was offended by much that he thought was tawdry and cheap about these places, and third by what he considered his lack of means, took practically no part in these diversions. While he worked in his class he heard of these things—usually the next day—and they were amplified and made more showy and interesting by the narrative powers of the participants. Eugene hated coarse, vulgar women and ribald conduct, but he felt that he was not even permitted to see them at close range had he wanted to. It took money to carouse and he did not have it.
There came a time when the situation became annoying. He had realized how limited his life really was. Mathews and Howe, who made more money, were able to live better than he did. They went out to late-night meals, theater parties, and trips to the nightlife areas (not yet called that). They had time to explore parts of the city that had unique appeal for them as Bohemians at night—the levee, which was a certain part of the Chicago River; Gambler's Row on South Clark Street; the Whitechapel Club, which was a group of newspaper men; and other spots frequented by writers and more talented journalists. Eugene, first because of his introspective and thoughtful nature, second because his aesthetic taste was offended by much he considered tacky and cheap about these places, and third because he felt he lacked the means, hardly participated in these activities. While he worked in his class, he heard about these things—usually the next day—and they were exaggerated and made more exciting by the storytelling of those who attended. Eugene despised coarse, vulgar women and crude behavior, but he felt he wasn't even allowed to see them up close if he wanted to. It took money to party, and he just didn’t have it.
Perhaps, because of his youth and a certain air of unsophistication and impracticability which went with him, his employers were not inclined to consider money matters in connection with him. They seemed to think he would work for little and would not mind. He was allowed to drift here six months without a sign of increase, though he really deserved more than any one of those who worked with him during the same period. He was not the one to push his claims personally but he grew restless and slightly embittered under the strain and ached to be free, though his work was as effective as ever.
Maybe because he was young and had a certain vibe of being naive and impractical, his employers didn't think about his pay. They seemed to assume he'd be okay working for little. He was allowed to float around for six months without any raise, even though he deserved more than anyone else he worked with during that time. He wasn't the type to advocate for himself, but he became restless and a bit resentful under the pressure and longed for freedom, even though his work remained as effective as ever.
[Pg 95] It was this indifference on their part which fixed his determination to leave Chicago, although Angela, his art career, his natural restlessness and growing judgment of what he might possibly become were deeper incentives. Angela haunted him as a dream of future peace. If he could marry her and settle down he would be happy. He felt now, having fairly satiated himself in the direction of Ruby, that he might leave her. She really would not care so very much. Her sentiments were not deep enough. Still, he knew she would care, and when he began going less regularly to her home, really becoming indifferent to what she did in the artists' world, he began also to feel ashamed of himself, for he knew that it was a cruel thing to do. He saw by her manner when he absented himself that she was hurt and that she knew he was growing cold.
[Pg 95] It was their indifference that made him decide to leave Chicago, even though Angela, his art career, his natural restlessness, and growing awareness of what he could become were stronger motivations. Angela lingered in his mind as a vision of future happiness. If he could marry her and settle down, he would be content. Now that he had pretty much satisfied his interest in Ruby, he felt he could move on from her. She really wouldn’t care that much. Her feelings weren’t deep enough. Still, he knew she would care, and as he started visiting her less often and became indifferent to what she was doing in the art world, he also began to feel ashamed of himself, realizing it was a cruel thing to do. He noticed from her behavior when he stayed away that she was hurt and that she could tell he was growing distant.
"Are you coming out Sunday night?" she asked him once, wistfully.
"Are you going out Sunday night?" she asked him once, with a hint of longing.
"I can't," he apologized; "I have to work."
"I can't," he said apologetically; "I have to work."
"Yes, I know how you have to work. But go on. I don't mind, I know."
"Yeah, I get that you have to work. But go ahead. I don't mind, I understand."
"Oh, Ruby, how you talk. I can't always be here."
"Oh, Ruby, the way you talk. I can't always be around."
"I know what it is, Eugene," she replied. "You don't care any more. Oh, well, don't mind me."
"I know what's going on, Eugene," she said. "You just don't care anymore. Well, don't worry about me."
"Now, sweet, don't talk like that," he would say, but after he was gone she would stand by her window and look out upon the shabby neighborhood and sigh sadly. He was more to her than anyone she had met yet, but she was not the kind that cried.
"Now, sweet, don’t say things like that," he would say, but after he left, she would stand by her window and gaze out at the rundown neighborhood, sighing sadly. He meant more to her than anyone she had met so far, but she wasn’t the type to cry.
"He is going to leave me," was her one thought. "He is going to leave me."
"He’s going to leave me," was her only thought. "He’s going to leave me."
Goldfarb had watched Eugene a long time, was interested in him, realized that he had talent. He was leaving shortly to take a better Sunday-Editorship himself on a larger paper, and he thought Eugene was wasting his time and ought to be told so.
Goldfarb had been watching Eugene for a while, was interested in him, and recognized that he had talent. He was about to leave for a better Sunday editor position at a larger newspaper, and he thought Eugene was squandering his potential and needed to hear it.
"I think you ought to try to get on one of the bigger papers here, Witla," he said to him one Saturday afternoon when things were closing up. "You'll never amount to anything on this paper. It isn't big enough. You ought to get on one of the big ones. Why don't you try the Tribune—or else go to New York? I think you ought to do magazine work."
"I think you should try to get on one of the bigger papers here, Witla," he said to him one Saturday afternoon as things were wrapping up. "You'll never get anywhere on this paper. It isn't big enough. You should aim for one of the major ones. Why not try the Tribune—or even head to New York? I really think you should do magazine work."
Eugene drank it all in. "I've been thinking of that," he said. "I think I'll go to New York. I'll be better off there."
Eugene took it all in. "I've been thinking about that," he said. "I think I’ll head to New York. I'll be better off there."
"I would either do one or the other. If you stay too long in a place like this it's apt to do you harm."
"I would either do one thing or the other. If you stay too long in a place like this, it’s likely to hurt you."
[Pg 96] Eugene went back to his desk with the thought of change ringing in his ears. He would go. He would save up his money until he had one hundred and fifty or two hundred dollars and then try his luck in the East. He would leave Ruby and Angela, the latter only temporarily, the former for good very likely, though he only vaguely confessed this to himself. He would make some money and then he would come back and marry his dream from Blackwood. Already his imaginative mind ran forward to a poetic wedding in a little country church, with Angela standing beside him in white. Then he would bring her back with him to New York—he, Eugene Witla, already famous in the East. Already the lure of the big eastern city was in his mind, its palaces, its wealth, its fame. It was the great world he knew, this side of Paris and London. He would go to it now, shortly. What would he be there? How great? How soon?
[Pg 96] Eugene returned to his desk with the idea of change buzzing in his mind. He would go. He planned to save up his money until he had one hundred and fifty or two hundred dollars, then he’d try his luck in the East. He would leave Ruby and Angela, the latter just temporarily, the former probably for good, although he only admitted this to himself in a vague way. He would make some money and then come back to marry his dream girl from Blackwood. Already, his imaginative mind was racing ahead to a beautiful wedding in a small country church, with Angela standing next to him in white. Then he would bring her back with him to New York—he, Eugene Witla, already famous in the East. The allure of the big eastern city was already on his mind, with its palaces, wealth, and fame. It was the grand world he knew, the one that rivaled Paris and London. He was set to go there soon. What would he become? How great would he be? How quickly?
So he dreamed.
So he was dreaming.
CHAPTER XIV
Once this idea of New York was fixed in his mind as a necessary step in his career, it was no trouble for him to carry it out. He had already put aside sixty dollars in a savings bank since he had given Angela the ring and he decided to treble it as quickly as possible and then start. He fancied that all he needed was just enough to live on for a little while until he could get a start. If he could not sell drawings to the magazines he might get a place on a newspaper and anyhow he felt confident that he could live. He communicated to Howe and Mathews his intention of going East pretty soon and aroused in their respective bosoms the emotions which were characteristic of each. Howe, envious from the start, was glad to have him off the paper, but regretful of the stellar career which his determination foreboded. He half suspected now that Eugene would do something exceptional—he was so loose in his moods—so eccentric. Mathews was glad for Eugene and a little sorry for himself. He wished he had Eugene's courage, his fire, his talent.
Once the idea of New York settled in his mind as a crucial step in his career, he had no trouble pursuing it. He had already saved sixty dollars in a bank since giving Angela the ring, and he planned to triple that amount as quickly as possible before heading out. He thought he just needed enough to get by for a little while until he could find his footing. If selling drawings to magazines didn't work out, he figured he could get a job at a newspaper, and anyway, he felt confident he could manage to live. He told Howe and Mathews about his plan to head East soon, stirring up the typical feelings in each of them. Howe, envious from the beginning, was happy to have him off the paper but lamented the promising career that Eugene's determination hinted at. He half suspected that Eugene was bound to do something remarkable—he was so unpredictable—so unique. Mathews was happy for Eugene but a bit sorry for himself. He wished he had Eugene's courage, passion, and talent.
"You'll make good when you get down there," Mathews said to him one afternoon when Howe was out of the room, for he realized that the latter was jealous. "You've got the stuff. Some of the work you have done here will give you a fine introduction. I wish I were going."
"You'll do great once you get down there," Mathews told him one afternoon while Howe was out of the room, knowing that Howe was feeling jealous. "You've got what it takes. Some of the work you've done here will give you a solid introduction. I wish I were going."
"Why don't you?" suggested Eugene.
"Why don't you?" suggested Eugene.
"Who? me? What good would it do me? I'm not ready yet. I can't do that sort of stuff. I might go down some time."
"Who? Me? What good would that do? I'm not ready yet. I can't handle that kind of stuff. I might mess up sometime."
"I think you do good work," said Eugene generously. He really did not believe it was good art, but it was fair newspaper sketching.
"I think you're doing great work," said Eugene generously. He really didn't believe it was good art, but it was decent newspaper sketching.
"Oh, no, you don't mean that, Witla," replied Mathews. "I know what I can do."
"Oh, no, you can't be serious, Witla," Mathews replied. "I know what I’m capable of."
Eugene was silent.
Eugene was quiet.
"I wish when you get down there," went on Mathews, "you would write us occasionally. I would like to know how you are getting along."
"I hope that when you get down there," Mathews continued, "you would write to us once in a while. I’d like to know how you’re doing."
"Sure, I'll write," replied Eugene, flattered by the interest his determination had aroused. "Sure I will." But he never did.
"Sure, I'll write," replied Eugene, feeling pleased by the interest his determination had sparked. "Of course I will." But he never did.
In Ruby and Angela he had two problems to adjust which were not so easy. In the one case it was sympathy, regret, sorrow [Pg 98] for her helplessness, her hopelessness. She was so sweet and lovely in her way, but not quite big enough mentally or emotionally for him. Could he really live with her if he wanted to? Could he substitute her for a girl like Angela? Could he? And now he had involved Angela, for since her return to tell him that she accepted him as her affianced lover, there had been some scenes between them in which a new standard of emotion had been set for him. This girl who looked so simple and innocent was burning at times with a wild fire. It snapped in her eyes when Eugene undid her wonderful hair and ran his hands through its heavy strands. "The Rhine Maiden," he would say. "Little Lorelei! You are like the mermaid waiting to catch the young lover in the strands of her hair. You are Marguerite and I Faust. You are a Dutch Gretchen. I love this wonderful hair when it is braided. Oh, sweet, you perfect creature! I will put you in a painting yet. I will make you famous."
In Ruby and Angela, he faced two complicated issues that weren't easy to navigate. One was his feelings of sympathy, regret, and sorrow for her helplessness and hopelessness. She was sweet and lovely in her own way, but not quite mature enough mentally or emotionally for him. Could he really live with her if he wanted to? Could he replace her with a girl like Angela? Could he? And now he had brought Angela into the mix, because ever since her return to tell him that she accepted him as her future fiancé, they had experienced some moments that set a new emotional standard for him. This girl, who seemed so simple and innocent, was sometimes burning with wild desire. It sparkled in her eyes when Eugene let down her gorgeous hair and ran his fingers through its thick strands. "The Rhine Maiden," he would say. "Little Lorelei! You're like the mermaid waiting to ensnare a young lover in her hair. You’re Marguerite and I'm Faust. You’re a Dutch Gretchen. I love this amazing hair when it's braided. Oh, sweet, perfect creature! I'm going to put you in a painting someday. I’ll make you famous."
Angela thrilled to this. She burned in a flame which was of his fanning. She put her lips to his in long hot kisses, sat on his knee and twined her hair about his neck; rubbed his face with it as one might bathe a face in strands of silk. Finding such a response he went wild, kissed her madly, would have been still more masterful had she not, at the slightest indication of his audacity, leaped from his embrace, not opposition but self protection in her eyes. She pretended to think better of his love, and Eugene, checked by her ideal of him, tried to restrain himself. He did manage to desist because he was sure that he could not do what he wanted to. Daring such as that would end her love. So they wrestled in affection.
Angela was thrilled by this. She was ignited by a flame that he kindled. She pressed her lips against his in long, passionate kisses, sat on his lap, and wrapped her hair around his neck; she caressed his face with it like one might wash a face with strands of silk. Seeing her response drove him wild; he kissed her feverishly and would have been even more assertive if she hadn’t, at the slightest hint of his boldness, jumped from his embrace, not in defiance but with a look of self-protection. She pretended to reconsider her feelings for him, and Eugene, held back by her ideal of him, tried to hold himself in check. He managed to stop because he knew he couldn’t go as far as he wanted. Being that daring would ruin her love. So, they struggled with their affection.
It was the fall following his betrothal to Angela that he actually took his departure. He had drifted through the summer, pondering. He had stayed away from Ruby more and more, and finally left without saying good-bye to her, though he thought up to the last that he intended to go out and see her.
It was the fall after his engagement to Angela that he finally left. He had spent the summer lost in thought. He had increasingly avoided Ruby and ultimately left without saying goodbye to her, even though he intended to go out and see her until the very end.
As for Angela, when it came to parting from her, he was in a depressed and downcast mood. He thought now that he did not really want to go to New York, but was being drawn by fate. There was no money for him in the West; they could not live on what he could earn there. Hence he must go and in doing so must lose her. It looked very tragic.
As for Angela, when it came to saying goodbye to her, he felt really down and sad. He now thought that he didn’t actually want to go to New York but was being pushed by fate. There was no money for him out West; they couldn't survive on what he would earn there. So he had to go, and in doing so, he had to let her go. It felt very tragic.
Out at her aunt's house, where she came for the Saturday and Sunday preceding his departure, he walked the floor with her gloomily, counted the lapse of the hours after which he would be with her no more, pictured the day when he would return successful to fetch her. Angela had a faint foreboding fear of [Pg 99] the events which might intervene. She had read stories of artists who had gone to the city and had never come back. Eugene seemed such a wonderful person, she might not hold him; and yet he had given her his word and he was madly in love with her—no doubt of that. That fixed, passionate, yearning look in his eyes—what did it mean if not enduring, eternal love? Life had brought her a great treasure—a great love and an artist for a lover.
While at her aunt's house, where she spent the Saturday and Sunday before his departure, he walked around with her in a gloomy mood, counting the hours until he would no longer be with her, imagining the day he would return successful to take her away. Angela felt a subtle, nagging fear about the events that might come between them. She had read stories of artists who went to the city and never returned. Eugene seemed like such an amazing person; she might not be able to keep him. Still, he had promised her and he was madly in love with her—there was no doubt about that. That intense, longing look in his eyes—what did it signify if not lasting, eternal love? Life had given her a great treasure—a deep love and an artist for a partner.
"Go, Eugene!" she cried at last tragically, almost melodramatically. His face was in her hands. "I will wait for you. You need never have one uneasy thought. When you are ready I will be here, only, come soon—you will, won't you?"
"Go, Eugene!" she exclaimed finally, almost dramatically. His face was in her hands. "I will wait for you. You don’t have to worry at all. When you’re ready, I’ll be here, just please come soon—you will, right?"
"Will I!" he declared, kissing her, "will I? Look at me. Don't you know?"
"Of course, I will!" he said, kissing her. "Am I not? Look at me. Don't you know?"
"Yes! Yes! Yes!" she exclaimed, "of course I know. Oh, yes! yes!"
"Yes! Yes! Yes!" she shouted, "of course I know. Oh, yes! yes!"
The rest was a passionate embrace. And then they parted. He went out brooding over the subtlety and the tragedy of life. The sharp October stars saddened him more. It was a wonderful world but bitter to endure at times. Still it could be endured and there was happiness and peace in store for him probably. He and Angela would find it together living in each other's company, living in each other's embrace and by each other's kisses. It must be so. The whole world believed it—even he, after Stella and Margaret and Ruby and Angela. Even he.
The rest was a passionate hug. Then they separated. He walked out, thinking about the complexity and sadness of life. The bright October stars made him feel even more down. It was a beautiful world, but sometimes it was hard to get through. Still, he could handle it, and there was likely happiness and peace ahead for him. He and Angela would discover it together, living in each other's company, in each other's embrace, and through each other's kisses. It had to be true. The whole world believed it—even he, after Stella and Margaret and Ruby and Angela. Even he.
The train which bore him to New York bore a very meditative young man. As it pulled out through the great railroad yards of the city, past the shabby back yards of the houses, the street crossings at grade, the great factories and elevators, he thought of that other time when he had first ventured in the city. How different! Then he was so green, so raw. Since then he had become a newspaper artist, he could write, he could find his tongue with women, he knew a little something about the organization of the world. He had not saved any money, true, but he had gone through the art school, had given Angela a diamond ring, had this two hundred dollars with which he was venturing to reconnoitre the great social metropolis of the country. He was passing Fifty-seventh Street; he recognized the neighborhood he traversed so often in visiting Ruby. He had not said good-bye to her and there in the distance were the rows of commonplace, two family frame dwellings, one of which she occupied with her foster parents. Poor little Ruby! and she liked him. It was a shame, but what was he to do about it? He didn't care for her. It really hurt him to think and then he tried not [Pg 100] to remember. These tragedies of the world could not be healed by thinking.
The train that took him to New York carried a very thoughtful young man. As it left the sprawling train yards of the city, passing the rundown backyards of houses, the street crossings, and the large factories and elevators, he remembered the first time he had ventured into the city. How different it was! Back then, he was so naive, so inexperienced. Since then, he had become a newspaper artist; he could write, he could talk to women, he understood a bit about how the world worked. He hadn’t saved any money, it's true, but he had gone to art school, had given Angela a diamond ring, and now had two hundred dollars to explore the country’s huge social metropolis. He was passing Fifty-seventh Street; he recognized the area he often visited when seeing Ruby. He hadn’t said goodbye to her, and in the distance were the rows of ordinary two-family houses, one of which she shared with her foster parents. Poor Ruby! And she liked him. It was unfortunate, but what could he do about it? He didn’t feel the same way for her. It really pained him to think about it, so he tried to push it from his mind. These tragedies of the world couldn’t be solved by just thinking.
The train passed out into the flat fields of northern Indiana and as little country towns flashed past he thought of Alexandria and how he had pulled up his stakes and left it. What was Jonas Lyle doing and John Summers? Myrtle wrote that she was going to be married in the spring. She had delayed solely because she wanted to delay. He thought sometimes that Myrtle was a little like himself, fickle in her moods. He was sure he would never want to go back to Alexandria except for a short visit, and yet the thought of his father and his mother and his old home were sweet to him. His father! How little he knew of the real world!
The train rolled out into the flat fields of northern Indiana, and as small towns zipped by, he thought about Alexandria and how he had packed up and left it behind. What were Jonas Lyle and John Summers up to? Myrtle mentioned she was planning to get married in the spring. She had postponed it just because she wanted to. Sometimes, he felt that Myrtle was a bit like him, capricious in her feelings. He was certain he would never want to return to Alexandria except for a brief visit, yet the thought of his father, his mother, and his childhood home brought him comfort. His father! How little he understood about the real world!
As they passed out of Pittsburgh he saw for the first time the great mountains, raising their heads in solemn majesty in the dark, and great lines of coke ovens, flaming red tongues of fire. He saw men working, and sleeping towns succeeding one another. What a great country America was! What a great thing to be an artist here! Millions of people and no vast artistic voice to portray these things—these simple dramatic things like the coke ovens in the night. If he could only do it! If he could only stir the whole country, so that his name would be like that of Doré in France or Verestchagin in Russia. If he could but get fire into his work, the fire he felt!
As they left Pittsburgh, he saw the mountains for the first time, rising majestically in the dark, alongside lines of coke ovens with bright red flames. He noticed men working and towns that seemed to sleep, one after another. What an incredible country America was! What an amazing opportunity to be an artist here! Millions of people and yet no strong artistic voice to capture these simple, dramatic scenes like the coke ovens at night. If only he could do it! If only he could inspire the whole country so that his name would be as recognized as Doré's in France or Verestchagin's in Russia. If only he could bring the fire he felt into his work!
He got into his berth after a time and looked out on the dark night and the stars, longing, and then he dozed. When he awoke again the train had already passed Philadelphia. It was morning and the cars were speeding across the flat meadows toward Trenton. He arose and dressed, watching the array of towns the while, Trenton, New Brunswick, Metuchen, Elizabeth. Somehow this country was like Illinois, flat. After Newark they rushed out upon a great meadow and he caught the sense of the sea. It was beyond this. These were tide-water streams, the Passaic and the Hackensack, with small ships and coal and brick barges tied at the water side. The thrill of something big overtook him as the brakeman began to call "Jersey City," and as he stepped out into the vast train shed his heart misgave him a little. He was all alone in New York. It was wealthy, cold and critical. How should he prosper here? He walked out through the gates to where low arches concealed ferry boats, and in another moment it was before him, sky line, bay, the Hudson, the Statue of Liberty, ferry boats, steamers, liners, all in a grey mist of fierce rain and the tugs and liners blowing mournfully upon great whistles. It was something he could [Pg 101] never have imagined without seeing it, and this swish of real salt water, rolling in heavy waves, spoke to him as music might, exalting his soul. What a wonderful thing this was, this sea—where ships were and whales and great mysteries. What a wonderful thing New York was, set down by it, surrounded by it, this metropolis of the country. Here was the sea; yonder were the great docks that held the vessels that sailed to the ports of all the world. He saw them—great grey and black hulls, tied to long piers jutting out into the water. He listened to the whistles, the swish of the water, saw the circling gulls, realized emotionally the mass of people. Here were Jay Gould and Russell Sage and the Vanderbilts and Morgan—all alive and all here. Wall Street, Fifth Avenue, Madison Square, Broadway—he knew of these by reputation. How would he do here—how fare? Would the city ever acclaim him as it did some? He looked wide eyed, with an open heart, with intense and immense appreciation. Well, he was going to enter, going to try. He could do that—perhaps, perhaps. But he felt lonely. He wished he were back with Angela where her soft arms could shut him safe. He wished he might feel her hands on his cheeks, his hair. He would not need to fight alone then. But now he was alone, and the city was roaring about him, a great noise like the sea. He must enter and do battle.
He climbed into his bunk after a while and looked out at the dark night and the stars, feeling a sense of longing, then he dozed off. When he woke up again, the train had already passed Philadelphia. It was morning, and the cars were speeding across the flat meadows toward Trenton. He got up and dressed, taking in the towns along the way: Trenton, New Brunswick, Metuchen, Elizabeth. Somehow, this landscape reminded him of Illinois, flat and open. After Newark, they rushed out into a vast meadow and he caught a whiff of the sea smell. It was beyond this. These were tidal rivers, the Passaic and the Hackensack, with small boats and coal and brick barges tied up along the shore. A rush of excitement overwhelmed him as the brakeman began to call out "Jersey City," and as he stepped into the huge train shed, he felt a little anxious. He was all alone in New York. It seemed wealthy, cold, and judgmental. How was he going to thrive here? He walked through the gates to where low arches hid the ferry boats, and in a moment, it was all there: the skyline, the bay, the Hudson, the Statue of Liberty, ferry boats, steamers, and liners, all surrounded by a grey mist of heavy rain and tugs and liners sounding mournful blasts on their horns. It was something he could never have imagined without seeing it, and the swish of real saltwater, rolling in heavy waves, spoke to him like music, lifting his spirit. What an amazing thing this sea was—where ships and whales and great mysteries existed. What a remarkable place New York was, situated by it, surrounded by it, this bustling metropolis of the nation. Here was the sea; over there were the massive docks holding the vessels that sailed to ports around the globe. He could see them—huge grey and black hulls, tied to long piers stretching into the water. He listened to the whistles, the sound of the waves, saw the circling gulls, and emotionally grasped the sheer mass of people around him. Here were Jay Gould, Russell Sage, the Vanderbilts, and Morgan—all alive and present. Wall Street, Fifth Avenue, Madison Square, Broadway—he knew these names well. How was he going to make it here—how would he fare? Would the city ever recognize him as it did with some? He looked around with wide eyes, an open heart, and deep appreciation. Well, he was going to step in, going to give it a try. He could do it—maybe, just maybe. But he felt lonely. He wished he were back with Angela, feeling her soft arms holding him safe. He longed for her hands on his cheeks, in his hair. He wouldn’t have to face the fight alone then. But now he was alone, and the city was roaring around him, a great noise like the sea. He had to dive in and face the challenge.
CHAPTER XV
Not knowing routes or directions in New York, Eugene took a Desbrosses Street ferry, and coming into West Street wandered along that curious thoroughfare staring at the dock entrances. Manhattan Island seemed a little shabby to him from this angle but he thought that although physically, perhaps, it might not be distinguished, there must be other things which made it wonderful. Later when he saw the solidity of it, the massed houses, the persistent streams of people, the crush of traffic, it dawned on him that mere humanity in packed numbers makes a kind of greatness, and this was the island's first characteristic. There were others, like the prevailing lowness of the buildings in its old neighborhoods, the narrowness of the streets in certain areas, the shabbiness of brick and stone when they have seen an hundred years of weather, which struck him as curious or depressing. He was easily touched by exterior conditions.
Not knowing the routes or directions in New York, Eugene took a Desbrosses Street ferry and, arriving at West Street, wandered along that strange thoroughfare, staring at the dock entrances. From this angle, Manhattan Island looked a bit run-down to him, but he thought that, even if it might not be physically remarkable, there had to be other things that made it amazing. Later, when he saw its solidity— the dense houses, the constant flow of people, the heavy traffic— he realized that a large number of people creates a kind of greatness, and this was the island's main characteristic. There were other aspects too, like the low buildings in its older neighborhoods, the narrow streets in some areas, and the worn look of the brick and stone after a hundred years of weather, which he found either odd or discouraging. He was easily affected by his surroundings.
As he wandered he kept looking for some place where he might like to live, some house that had a yard or a tree. At length he found a row of houses in lower Seventh Avenue with an array of iron balconies in front which appealed to him. He applied here and in one house found a room for four dollars which he thought he had better take for the present. It was cheaper than any hotel. His hostess was a shabby woman in black who made scarcely any impression on him as a personality, merely giving him a thought as to what a dreary thing it was to keep roomers and the room itself was nothing, a commonplace, but he had a new world before him and all his interests were outside. He wanted to see this city. He deposited his grip and sent for his trunk and then took to the streets, having come to see and hear things which would be of advantage to him.
As he wandered, he kept searching for a place to live, a house with a yard or a tree. Eventually, he discovered a row of houses on lower Seventh Avenue with a series of iron balconies in front that caught his interest. He applied there and found a room for four dollars in one of the houses, which he decided to take for now. It was cheaper than any hotel. His landlady was a worn-out woman in black who didn't leave much of an impression on him, just making him think about how sad it was to rent out rooms. The room itself was nothing special, just ordinary, but he had a whole new world ahead of him and all his excitement was outside. He wanted to explore the city. He dropped off his bag, had his trunk sent over, and then hit the streets, eager to see and experience things that would benefit him.
He went about this early relationship to the city in the right spirit. For a little while he did not try to think what he would do, but struck out and walked, here, there and everywhere, this very first day down Broadway to the City Hall and up Broadway from 14th to 42nd street the same night. Soon he knew all Third Avenue and the Bowery, the wonders of Fifth Avenue and Riverside Drive, the beauties of the East River, the Battery, Central Park and the lower East Side. He sought out quickly the wonders of metropolitan life—its crowds at dinner and [Pg 103] theatre time in Broadway, its tremendous throngs morning and afternoon in the shopping district, its amazing world of carriages in Fifth Avenue and Central Park. He had marveled at wealth and luxury in Chicago, but here it took his breath away. It was obviously so much more fixed, so definite and comprehensible. Here one felt intuitively the far reaches which separate the ordinary man from the scion of wealth. It curled him up like a frozen leaf, dulled his very soul, and gave him a clear sense of his position in the social scale. He had come here with a pretty high estimate of himself, but daily, as he looked, he felt himself crumbling. What was he? What was art? What did the city care? It was much more interested in other things, in dressing, eating, visiting, riding abroad. The lower part of the island was filled with cold commercialism which frightened him. In the upper half, which concerned only women and show—a voluptuous sybaritism—caused him envy. He had but two hundred dollars with which to fight his way, and this was the world he must conquer.
He approached his early relationship with the city with the right attitude. For a short time, he didn’t think about what he would do but instead set out to explore, wandering around everywhere—this very first day he walked down Broadway to City Hall and back up from 14th to 42nd Street that same night. Soon he became familiar with all of Third Avenue and the Bowery, the sights of Fifth Avenue and Riverside Drive, the beauty of the East River, Battery Park, Central Park, and the Lower East Side. He quickly discovered the excitement of city life—its crowds at dinner and theater time on Broadway, its huge throngs in the shopping district during the morning and afternoon, and the astonishing world of carriages on Fifth Avenue and in Central Park. He had been amazed by wealth and luxury in Chicago, but here it left him speechless. It felt so much more established, so clear and understandable. Here, it was almost instinctive to sense the vast divide between the average person and the wealthy elite. It shriveled him up like a frozen leaf, dulling his spirit and giving him a stark sense of his place on the social ladder. He had come here with a fairly high opinion of himself, but each day, as he observed, he felt himself diminishing. Who was he? What was art? What did the city care? It was far more interested in things like fashion, food, socializing, and being seen. The lower part of the island was filled with cold commercialism that intimidated him, while the upper part, which revolved around women and spectacle—a lavish indulgence—evoked his envy. He had only two hundred dollars to make his way, and this was the world he had to conquer.
Men of Eugene's temperament are easily depressed. He first gorged the spectacle of life and then suffered from mental indigestion. He saw too much of it too quickly. He wandered about for weeks, looking in the shop windows, the libraries, the museums, the great streets, growing all the while more despondent. At night he would return to his bare room and indite long epistles to Angela, describing what he had seen and telling her of his undying love for her—largely because he had no other means of ridding himself of his superabundant vitality and moods. They were beautiful letters, full of color and feeling, but to Angela they gave a false impression of emotion and sincerity because they appeared to be provoked by absence from her. In part of course they were, but far more largely they were the result of loneliness and the desire for expression which this vast spectacle of life itself incited. He also sent her some tentative sketches of things he had seen—a large crowd in the dark at 34th Street; a boat off 86th Street in the East River in the driving rain; a barge with cars being towed by a tug. He could not think exactly what to do with these things at that time, but he wanted to try his hand at illustrating for the magazines. He was a little afraid of these great publications, however, for now that he was on the ground with them his art did not appear so significant.
Men like Eugene often get down easily. He first indulged in the excitement of life and then found himself overwhelmed by it. He experienced too much too fast. For weeks, he wandered around, staring into shop windows, libraries, museums, and bustling streets, feeling more and more despondent as time went on. At night, he'd go back to his empty room and write long letters to Angela, describing what he had seen and expressing his deep love for her—largely because he had no other way to release his excess energy and emotions. They were beautiful letters, full of vivid imagery and feeling, but to Angela, they gave a misleading impression of genuine emotion and sincerity because they seemed to be triggered by being away from her. Partly, they were driven by that absence, but mostly, they stemmed from his loneliness and the need to express himself, which the vast spectacle of life ignited in him. He also sent her some rough sketches of what he had witnessed—a large crowd in the dark on 34th Street; a boat off 86th Street in the East River during a heavy rain; a barge with cars being pulled by a tugboat. He wasn't quite sure what to do with these sketches at the moment, but he wanted to try illustrating for magazines. However, he felt a bit intimidated by these big publications; now that he was actually interacting with them, his artwork didn't seem as impressive.
It was during the first few weeks that he received his only letter from Ruby. His parting letter to her, written when he reached New York, had been one of those makeshift affairs which [Pg 104] faded passion indites. He was so sorry he had to leave without seeing her. He had intended to come out but the rush of preparation at the last moment, and so forth; he hoped to come back to Chicago one of these days and he would look her up. He still loved her, but it was necessary for him to leave—to come where the greatest possibilities were. "I remember how sweet you were when I first saw you," he added. "I shall never forget my first impressions, little Ruby."
It was during the first few weeks that he got his only letter from Ruby. His goodbye letter to her, written when he arrived in New York, had been one of those half-hearted efforts that faded passion creates. He was really sorry that he had to leave without seeing her. He had planned to come by, but the last-minute rush of getting ready and everything else got in the way; he hoped to return to Chicago one of these days, and he would look her up. He still loved her, but he had to leave—to go where the best opportunities were. "I remember how sweet you were when I first saw you," he added. "I’ll never forget my first impressions, little Ruby."
It was cruel to add this touch of remembrance, but the artist in him could not refrain. It cut Ruby as a double edged sword, for she understood that he cared well enough that way—æsthetically. It was not her but beauty that he loved, and her particular beauty had lost its appeal.
It was harsh to add this reminder, but the artist in him couldn't hold back. It struck Ruby like a double-edged sword, as she realized that he cared enough—just in an aesthetic way. It wasn't her he loved, but beauty itself, and her unique beauty had lost its charm.
She wrote after a time, intending to be defiant, indifferent, but she really could not be. She tried to think of something sharp to say, but finally put down the simple truth.
She wrote after a while, trying to be defiant and indifferent, but she just couldn't. She attempted to come up with something clever to say, but in the end, she just wrote down the simple truth.
"Dear Eugene:" she wrote, "I got your note several weeks ago, but
I could not bring myself to answer it before this. I know everything
is over between us and that is all right, for I suppose it has to be.
You couldn't love any woman long, I think. I know what you say
about your having to go to New York to broaden your field is true.
You ought to, but I'm sorry you didn't come out. You might have.
Still I don't blame you, Eugene. It isn't much different from what
has been going on for some time. I have cared but I'll get over that, I
know, and I won't ever think hard of you. Won't you return me the
notes I have sent you from time to time and my pictures? You won't
want them now.
"Ruby."
"Dear Eugene," she wrote, "I got your note a few weeks ago, but I just couldn’t bring myself to respond until now. I understand that everything is over between us, and that's okay because it seems like it has to be. I don’t think you could love any woman for long. I believe what you said about needing to go to New York to expand your opportunities is true. You should do it, but I wish you had come out. You could have. Still, I don’t blame you, Eugene. It’s pretty much the same thing that’s been happening for a while. I have cared, but I know I’ll get over it, and I won't hold anything against you. Could you please return the notes I’ve sent you from time to time and my pictures? You probably won’t want them anymore.
"Ruby."
There was a little blank space on the paper and then:—
There was a small blank space on the paper and then:—
"I stood by the window last night and looked out on the street. The moon was shining and those dead trees were waving in the wind. I saw the moon on that pool of water over in the field. It looked like silver. Oh, Eugene, I wish I were dead."
"I stood by the window last night and looked out at the street. The moon was shining, and those bare trees were swaying in the wind. I saw the moon reflected on that puddle of water in the field. It looked like silver. Oh, Eugene, I wish I were dead."
He jumped up as he read these words and clenched the letter in his hands. The pathos of it all cut him to the quick, raised his estimate of her, made him feel as if he had made a mistake in leaving her. He really cared for her after all. She was sweet. If she were here now he could live with her. She might as well be a model in New York as in Chicago. He was on the verge of writing this, when one of the long, almost daily epistles Angela was sending arrived and changed his mood. He did not see how, in the face of so great and clean a love as hers, he could go on with Ruby. His affection had obviously been dying. Should he try to revive it now?
He jumped up as he read those words and gripped the letter tightly in his hands. The emotional weight of it all hit him hard, raised his opinion of her, and made him feel like he had made a mistake by leaving her. He actually cared for her after all. She was sweet. If she were here now, he could be with her. She might as well be a model in New York as in Chicago. He was about to write this down when one of Angela's long, almost daily letters arrived and changed his mood. He didn’t see how he could continue with Ruby in the face of such a pure and genuine love like hers. His feelings for Ruby had clearly been fading. Should he try to revive them now?
[Pg 105] This conflict of emotions was so characteristic of Eugene's nature, that had he been soundly introspective, he would have seen that he was an idealist by temperament, in love with the æsthetic, in love with love, and that there was no permanent faith in him for anybody—except the impossible she.
[Pg 105] This clash of feelings was so typical of Eugene's character that, if he had truly looked within himself, he would have realized he was an idealist by nature, passionate about beauty, passionate about love, and that he couldn't genuinely commit to anyone—except for the unattainable woman.
As it was, he wrote Ruby a letter breathing regret and sorrow but not inviting her to come. He could not have supported her long if she had, he thought. Besides he was anxious to secure Angela. So that affair lapsed.
As it turned out, he wrote Ruby a letter filled with regret and sadness but didn’t invite her to come. He felt he couldn't have supported her for long if she had come, and on top of that, he was eager to win over Angela. So that relationship faded away.
In the meantime he visited the magazine offices. On leaving Chicago he had put in the bottom of his trunk a number of drawings which he had done for the Globe—his sketches of the Chicago River, of Blue Island Avenue, of which he had once made a study as a street, of Goose Island and of the Lake front. There were some street scenes, too, all forceful in the peculiar massing of their blacks, the unexpected, almost flashing, use of a streak of white at times. There was emotion in them, a sense of life. He should have been appreciated at once, but, oddly, there was just enough of the radically strange about what he did to make his work seem crude, almost coarse. He drew a man's coat with a single dash of his pen. He indicated a face by a spot. If you looked close there was seldom any detail, frequently none at all. From the praise he had received at the art school and from Mathews and Goldfarb he was slowly coming to the conclusion that he had a way of his own. Being so individual he was inclined to stick to it. He walked with an air of conviction which had nothing but his own belief in himself to back it up, and it was not an air which drew anybody to him. When he showed his pictures at the Century, Harper's, Scribner's, they were received with an air of weary consideration. Dozens of magnificent drawings were displayed on their walls signed by men whom Eugene now knew to be leaders in the illustration world. He returned to his room convinced that he had made no impression at all. They must be familiar with artists a hundred times better than himself.
In the meantime, he visited the magazine offices. When he left Chicago, he had packed a number of drawings he did for the Globe in the bottom of his trunk—his sketches of the Chicago River, Blue Island Avenue, which he once studied as a street, Goose Island, and the Lakefront. There were some street scenes too, all striking in their unique use of dark shades, with unexpected flashes of white at times. They were full of emotion and a sense of life. He should have been appreciated immediately, but strangely, there was just enough about his work that felt radically different, making it seem rough and even coarse. He sketched a man's coat with a single stroke of his pen and suggested a face with just a dot. If you looked closely, there was rarely any detail, often none at all. Based on the praise he received at art school and from Mathews and Goldfarb, he was slowly concluding that he had his own style. Being so original, he tended to stick to it. He walked with a conviction that was backed only by his own belief in himself, and that confidence didn't attract anyone to him. When he showed his pictures at the Century, Harper's, and Scribner's, they were met with a weary sort of consideration. Dozens of stunning drawings hung on their walls, signed by men who Eugene now recognized as leaders in the illustration field. He returned to his room feeling like he hadn't made any impression at all. They must have dealt with artists a hundred times better than he was.
As a matter of fact Eugene was simply overawed by the material face of things. These men whose pictures he saw displayed on the walls of the art and editorial rooms of the magazines were really not, in many instances, any better than himself, if as good. They had the advantage of solid wood frames and artistic acceptance. He was a long way as yet from magazine distinction but the work he did later had no more of the fire than had this early stuff. It was a little broader in treatment, a little less intolerant of detail, but no more vigorous if as much so. The [Pg 106] various art directors were weary of smart young artists showing drawings. A little suffering was good for them in the beginning. So Eugene was incontinently turned away with a little faint praise which was worse than opposition. He sank very low in spirits.
In fact, Eugene was completely overwhelmed by the reality around him. The men whose photos he saw displayed on the walls of the art and editorial rooms of the magazines were often not any better than he was, if equally talented. They just had solid frames and were accepted by the art world. He still had a long road ahead before he achieved any magazine recognition, but the work he produced later was no more passionate than this early stuff. It was slightly broader in approach, a bit more forgiving of detail, but no more dynamic, if at all. The [Pg 106] various art directors were tired of clever young artists showcasing their drawings. A little struggle was beneficial for them at the start. So, Eugene was quickly dismissed with some half-hearted compliments that felt worse than rejection. He felt very down.
There were still the smaller magazines and the newspapers, however, and he hunted about faithfully, trying to get something to do. From one or two of the smaller magazines, he secured commissions, after a time, three or four drawings for thirty-five dollars; and from that had to be extracted models' fees. He had to have a room where he could work as an artist, receiving models to pose, and he finally found one in West 14th Street, a back bedroom, looking out over an open court and with a public stair which let all come who might without question. This cost him twenty-five dollars a month, but he thought he had better risk it. If he could get a few commissions he could live.
There were still some smaller magazines and newspapers, though, so he searched diligently, trying to find some work. After a while, he landed a few commissions from a couple of the smaller magazines, getting three or four drawings for thirty-five dollars; from that, he had to pay the models' fees. He needed a space where he could work as an artist and have models come in to pose, and eventually, he found a room on West 14th Street, a back bedroom that overlooked an open courtyard and had a public stairway that anyone could use without any questions. It cost him twenty-five dollars a month, but he figured it was worth the risk. If he could grab a few commissions, he could make a living.
CHAPTER XVI
The art world of New York is peculiar. It was then and for some time after, broken up into cliques with scarcely any unity. There was a world of sculptors, for instance, in which some thirty or forty sculptors had part—but they knew each other slightly, criticised each other severely and retired for the most part into a background of relatives and friends. There was a painting world, as distinguished from an illustrating world, in which perhaps a thousand alleged artists, perhaps more, took part. Most of these were men and women who had some ability—enough to have their pictures hung at the National Academy of Design exhibition—to sell some pictures, get some decorative work to do, paint some portraits. There were studio buildings scattered about various portions of the city; in Washington Square; in Ninth and Tenth Streets; in odd places, such as Macdougal Alley and occasional cross streets from Washington Square to Fifty-ninth Street, which were filled with painters, illustrators, sculptors and craftsmen in art generally. This painting world had more unity than the world of sculptors and, in a way, included the latter. There were several art clubs—the Salmagundi, the Kit-Kat and the Lotus—and there were a number of exhibitions, ink, water color, oil, with their reception nights where artists could meet and exchange the courtesies and friendship of their world. In addition to this there were little communal groups such as those who resided in the Tenth Street studios; the Twenty-third Street Y. M. C. A.; the Van Dyck studios, and so on. It was possible to find little crowds, now and then, that harmonized well enough for a time and to get into a group, if, to use a colloquialism, one belonged. If you did not, art life in New York might be a very dreary thing and one might go a long time without finding just the particular crowd with which to associate.
The art scene in New York is quite odd. Back then, and for a while after, it was divided into cliques with hardly any connection. There was a community of sculptors, for example, where about thirty or forty sculptors were involved—but they knew each other only a little, critiqued each other harshly, and mostly went back to their families and friends. There was also a painting community, different from an illustration community, with perhaps a thousand so-called artists, maybe more, participating. Most of these were men and women with enough talent to have their artwork displayed at the National Academy of Design exhibition, sell some pieces, do some decorative work, or paint portraits. Studio buildings were scattered across various parts of the city; in Washington Square; on Ninth and Tenth Streets; in unusual spots like Macdougal Alley and some side streets from Washington Square to Fifty-ninth Street, filled with painters, illustrators, sculptors, and all kinds of artists. This painting community had more cohesion than the sculptors' world and, in a sense, included them. There were several art clubs—the Salmagundi, the Kit-Kat, and the Lotus—and many exhibitions featuring ink, watercolor, and oil, with their reception nights where artists could connect and share the niceties and friendships of their community. Besides this, there were small communal groups like those in the Tenth Street studios, the Twenty-third Street Y.M.C.A., the Van Dyck studios, and so on. It was possible to find little groups that clicked for a while and to join a collective, if, to put it casually, you belonged. If you didn't, life as an artist in New York could be pretty bleak, and you could go a long time without finding the right crowd to connect with.
Beside the painting world there was the illustrating world, made up of beginners and those who had established themselves firmly in editorial favor. These were not necessarily a part of the painting or sculpture worlds and yet, in spirit, were allied to them, had their clubs also, and their studios were in the various neighborhoods where the painters and sculptors were. The only difference was that in the case of the embryo illustrators they were to be found living three or four in one studio, partly [Pg 108] because of the saving in expense, but also because of the love of companionship and because they could hearten and correct one another in their work. A number of such interesting groups were in existence when Eugene arrived, but of course he did not know of them.
Next to the world of painting was the world of illustration, filled with both newcomers and those who were well-established in editorial circles. These illustrators weren’t necessarily part of the painting or sculpture communities, but in spirit, they were connected to them. They had their own clubs, and their studios were located in the same neighborhoods as painters and sculptors. The main difference was that many aspiring illustrators tended to share a studio, usually three or four to a space, not only for the cost savings but also for the camaraderie and support they provided each other in their work. Several intriguing groups were thriving when Eugene arrived, but he was unaware of them.
It takes time for the beginner to get a hearing anywhere. We all have to serve an apprenticeship, whatever field we enter. Eugene had talent and determination, but no experience, no savoir faire, no circle of friends and acquaintances. The whole city was strange and cold, and if he had not immediately fallen desperately in love with it as a spectacle he would have been unconscionably lonely and unhappy. As it was the great fresh squares, such as Washington, Union and Madison; the great streets, such as Broadway, Fifth Avenue and Sixth Avenue; the great spectacles, such as the Bowery at night, the East River, the water front, the Battery, all fascinated him with an unchanging glamor.
It takes time for a beginner to get noticed anywhere. We all have to go through some training, no matter what field we enter. Eugene had talent and determination, but no experience, no know-how, and no network of friends or connections. The whole city felt unfamiliar and unwelcoming, and if he hadn't immediately fallen head over heels for its beauty, he would have been incredibly lonely and unhappy. As it was, the vibrant squares like Washington, Union, and Madison; the major streets like Broadway, Fifth Avenue, and Sixth Avenue; the amazing sights like the Bowery at night, the East River, the waterfront, and the Battery all captivated him with their timeless allure.
He was hypnotized by the wonder of this thing—the beauty of it. Such seething masses of people! such whirlpools of life! The great hotels, the opera, the theatres, the restaurants, all gripped him with a sense of beauty. These lovely women in magnificent gowns; these swarms of cabs, with golden eyes, like monstrous insects; this ebb and surge of life at morning and evening, made him forget his loneliness. He had no money to spend, no immediate hope of a successful career, he could walk these streets, look in these windows, admire these beautiful women; thrill at the daily newspaper announcements of almost hourly successes in one field or another. Here and there in the news an author had made a great success with a book; a scientist with a discovery; a philosopher with a new theory; a financier with an investment. There was news of great plays being put on; great actors and actresses coming from abroad; great successes being made by débutantes in society; great movements forwarded generally. Youth and ambition had the call—he saw that. It was only a question of time, if you had talent, when you would get your hearing. He longed ardently for his but he had no feeling that it was coming to him quickly, so he got the blues. It was a long road to travel.
He was captivated by the wonder of this place—the beauty of it all. Such huge crowds of people! Such bursts of life! The big hotels, the opera, the theaters, the restaurants, all filled him with a sense of beauty. These stunning women in gorgeous gowns; these swarms of cabs, with glowing headlights like giant insects; this ebb and flow of life in the morning and evening made him forget his loneliness. He had no money to spend, no immediate hope for a successful career, but he could walk these streets, glance in these windows, admire these beautiful women; feel excited by the daily newspaper announcements of almost hourly successes in one field or another. Here and there in the news, an author had struck it big with a book; a scientist had made a breakthrough; a philosopher had a new theory; a financier had a successful investment. There were reports of great plays being staged; famous actors and actresses coming from abroad; young socialites achieving great success; significant movements making progress everywhere. Youth and ambition had the spotlight—he saw that. It was just a matter of time, if you had talent, before you would get your chance. He longed for his opportunity, but he didn’t feel it was coming anytime soon, so he felt down. It was a long road ahead.
One of his pet diversions these days and nights was to walk the streets in rain or fog or snow. The city appealed to him, wet or white, particularly the public squares. He saw Fifth Avenue once in a driving snowstorm and under sputtering arc lights, and he hurried to his easel next morning to see if he could not put it down in black and white. It was unsuccessful, or at least [Pg 109] he felt so, for after an hour of trying he threw it aside in disgust. But these spectacles were drawing him. He was wanting to do them—wanting to see them shown somewhere in color. Possible success was a solace at a time when all he could pay for a meal was fifteen cents and he had no place to go and not a soul with whom to talk.
One of his favorite pastimes these days and nights was walking the streets in the rain, fog, or snow. The city fascinated him, whether it was wet or covered in white, especially the public squares. He once saw Fifth Avenue during a heavy snowstorm under flickering streetlights, and he rushed to his easel the next morning to try to capture it in black and white. It didn’t turn out well, or at least that’s how he felt, because after trying for an hour, he tossed it aside in frustration. But these sights were calling to him. He wanted to create them—wanted to see them displayed somewhere in color. The possibility of success was a comfort at a time when he could barely afford a meal for fifteen cents, had nowhere to go, and no one to talk to.
It was an interesting phase of Eugene's character that he had a passion for financial independence. He might have written home from Chicago at times when he was hard pressed; he might have borrowed some money from his father now, but preferred to earn it—to appear to be further along than he was. If anyone had asked him he would have said he was doing fine. Practically he so wrote to Angela, giving as an excuse for further delay that he wanted to wait until he had ample means. He was trying all this time to make his two hundred dollars go as far as possible and to add to it by any little commissions he could get, however small. He figured his expenses down to ten dollars a week and managed to stay within that sum.
It was an interesting aspect of Eugene's character that he was passionate about financial independence. He might have written home from Chicago during tough times; he could have borrowed some money from his dad now, but he preferred to earn it—to seem more successful than he actually was. If anyone had asked him, he would have said he was doing fine. He practically conveyed this to Angela, using the excuse for further delays that he wanted to wait until he had enough money. All this time, he was trying to make his two hundred dollars stretch as far as possible and to increase it with any small commissions he could get, no matter how minor. He managed to budget his expenses down to ten dollars a week and kept to that amount.
The particular building in which he had settled was really not a studio building but an old, run-down boarding and apartment house turned partially to uses of trade. The top floor contained three fair sized rooms and two hall bedrooms, all occupied by lonely individuals plying some craft or other. Eugene's next door neighbor chanced to be a hack illustrator, who had had his training in Boston and had set up his easel here in the hope of making a living. There were not many exchanges of courtesies between them at first, although, the door being open the second day he arrived, he saw that an artist worked there, for the easel was visible.
The building he moved into wasn’t really a studio but an old, rundown boarding and apartment house that was partly being used for businesses. The top floor had three decent-sized rooms and two small bedrooms in the hallway, all occupied by lonely people working on their crafts. Eugene's next-door neighbor turned out to be a freelance illustrator who had trained in Boston and set up his easel there hoping to make a living. At first, they didn't exchange many pleasantries, but on the second day after Eugene arrived, he noticed there was an artist next door since the door was open and he could see the easel.
No models applying at first he decided to appeal to the Art Students' League. He called on the Secretary and was given the names of four, who replied to postal cards from him. One he selected, a young Swedish American girl who looked somewhat like the character in the story he had in mind. She was neat and attractive, with dark hair, a straight nose and pointed chin, and Eugene immediately conceived a liking for her. He was ashamed of his surroundings, however, and consequently diffident. This particular model was properly distant, and he finished his pictures with as much expedition and as little expense as he possibly could.
No models were available at first, so he decided to reach out to the Art Students' League. He met with the Secretary and received the names of four potential models, all of whom responded to his postcards. He chose one, a young Swedish-American girl who resembled the character he had in mind for his story. She was neat and attractive, with dark hair, a straight nose, and a pointed chin, and Eugene quickly developed a fondness for her. However, he felt embarrassed by his surroundings, which made him shy. This particular model maintained a proper distance, and he completed his paintings as quickly and as cheaply as possible.
Eugene was not given to scraping odd acquaintances, though he made friends fast enough when the balance of intellect was right. In Chicago he had become friendly with several young artists as a result of working with them at the Institute, but here [Pg 110] he knew no one, having come without introductions. He did become acquainted with his neighbor, Philip Shotmeyer. He wanted to find out about local art life from him, but Shotmeyer was not brilliant, and could not supply him with more than minor details of what Eugene desired to know. Through him he learnt a little of studio regions, art personalities; the fact that young beginners worked in groups. Shotmeyer had been in such a group the year before, though why he was alone now he did not say. He sold drawings to some of the minor magazines, better magazines than Eugene had yet had dealings with. One thing he did at once for Eugene which was very helpful: he admired his work. He saw, as had others before him, something of his peculiar distinction as an artist, attended every show and one day he gave him a suggestion which was the beginning of Eugene's successful magazine career. Eugene was working on one of his street scenes—a task which he invariably essayed when he had nothing else to do. Shotmeyer had drifted in and was following the strokes of his brush as he attempted to portray a mass of East Side working girls flooding the streets after six o'clock. There were dark walls of buildings, a flaring gas lamp or two, some yellow lighted shop windows, and many shaded, half seen faces—bare suggestions of souls and pulsing life.
Eugene wasn't the type to scrape together casual acquaintances, but he made friends quickly when there was a good match of intellect. In Chicago, he had gotten close to several young artists through their work at the Institute, but here [Pg 110] he didn't know anyone since he had arrived without introductions. He did meet his neighbor, Philip Shotmeyer. Eugene wanted to learn about the local art scene from him, but Shotmeyer wasn't particularly insightful and could only share minor details about what Eugene wanted to know. Through him, Eugene picked up a bit about studio areas and art personalities, including that young newcomers often worked in groups. Shotmeyer had been part of such a group the previous year, though he didn't explain why he was on his own now. He sold drawings to some of the lesser magazines, which were better than any Eugene had worked with so far. One helpful thing he did for Eugene was to admire his work. He recognized, as others had before, something unique about Eugene as an artist, attended every exhibition, and one day offered him a suggestion that marked the start of Eugene's successful magazine career. Eugene was working on one of his street scenes—a project he always tackled when he had no other tasks. Shotmeyer had stopped by and was watching the strokes of Eugene’s brush as he tried to capture a group of East Side working girls pouring into the streets after six o'clock. There were dark building walls, a couple of bright gas lamps, some shop windows glowing yellow, and many shaded, partially visible faces—mere hints of souls and vibrant lives.
"Say," said Shotmeyer at one point, "that kind o' looks like the real thing to me. I've seen a crowd like that."
"Hey," Shotmeyer said at one point, "that kind of looks like the real deal to me. I've seen a crowd like that."
"Have you?" replied Eugene.
"Have you?" responded Eugene.
"You ought to be able to get some magazine to use that as a frontispiece. Why don't you try Truth with that?"
"You should be able to find a magazine to use that as a front cover. Why not try Truth with it?"
"Truth" was a weekly which Eugene, along with many others in the West, had admired greatly because it ran a double page color insert every week and occasionally used scenes of this character. Somehow he always needed a shove of this kind to make him act when he was drifting. He put more enthusiasm into his work because of Shotmeyer's remark, and when it was done decided to carry it to the office of Truth. The Art Director approved it on sight, though he said nothing, but carried it in to the Editor.
"Truth" was a weekly magazine that Eugene, along with many others in the West, greatly admired because it featured a double-page color insert every week and occasionally showcased this character. He always seemed to need a push like this to get him moving when he was coasting. He put more energy into his work because of Shotmeyer's comment, and once it was finished, he decided to take it to the office of Truth. The Art Director approved it immediately, though he didn't say anything, and took it straight to the Editor.
"Here's a thing that I consider a find in its way."
"Here's something I think is a real discovery."
He set it proudly upon the editorial desk.
He placed it proudly on the editorial desk.
"Say," said the Editor, laying down a manuscript, "that's the real thing, isn't it? Who did that?"
"Hey," said the Editor, setting down a manuscript, "that's the real deal, right? Who did this?"
"A young fellow by the name of Witla, who has just blown in here. He looks like the real thing to me."
"A young guy named Witla just showed up here. He seems like the real deal to me."
"Say," went on the Editor, "look at the suggestion of faces [Pg 111] back there! What? Reminds me just a little of the masses in Doré stuff—It's good, isn't it?"
"Hey," continued the Editor, "check out those faces [Pg 111] back there! What do you think? It kind of reminds me of the crowds in Doré’s work—It’s nice, right?"
"It's fine," echoed the Art Director. "I think he's a comer, if nothing happens to him. We ought to get a few centre pages out of him."
"It’s all good," said the Art Director. "I believe he’s going places, as long as nothing happens to him. We should be able to get a few center pages out of him."
"How much does he want for this?"
"How much does he want for this?"
"Oh, he doesn't know. He'll take almost anything. I'll give him seventy-five dollars."
"Oh, he has no idea. He'll accept pretty much anything. I'll give him seventy-five bucks."
"That's all right," said the Editor as the Art Director took the drawing down. "There's something new there. You ought to hang on to him."
"That's all good," said the Editor as the Art Director took the drawing down. "There's something different about him. You should keep him around."
"I will," replied his associate. "He's young yet. He doesn't want to be encouraged too much."
"I will," replied his associate. "He's still young. He doesn't want to be pushed too much."
He went out, pulling a solemn countenance.
He stepped outside, wearing a serious expression.
"I like this fairly well," he said. "We may be able to find room for it. I'll send you a check shortly if you'll let me have your address."
"I like this quite a bit," he said. "We might be able to make space for it. I'll send you a check soon if you give me your address."
Eugene gave it. His heart was beating a gay tattoo in his chest. He did not think anything of price, in fact it did not occur to him. All that was in his mind was the picture as a double page spread. So he had really sold one after all and to Truth! Now he could honestly say he had made some progress. Now he could write Angela and tell her. He could send her copies when it came out. He could really have something to point to after this and best of all, now he knew he could do street scenes.
Eugene gave it away. His heart was racing in his chest. He didn't think about the price; it didn't even cross his mind. All he could picture was the image as a double-page spread. So he had actually sold one after all and to Truth! Now he could genuinely say he had made some progress. He could write to Angela and share the news. He could send her copies when it was published. He finally had something to show for it, and best of all, he now knew he could do street scenes.
He went out into the street treading not the grey stone pavement but air. He threw back his head and breathed deep. He thought of other scenes like this which he could do. His dreams were beginning to be realized—he, Eugene Witla, the painter of a double page spread in Truth! Already he was doing a whole series in his imagination, all he had ever dreamed of. He wanted to run and tell Shotmeyer—to buy him a good meal. He almost loved him, commonplace hack that he was—because he had suggested to him the right thing to do.
He stepped into the street, not stepping on the gray stone pavement but seemingly floating. He tilted his head back and took a deep breath. He thought of other similar moments he could create. His dreams were starting to come true—he, Eugene Witla, the painter of a double-page spread in Truth! He was already imagining a whole series, everything he had ever envisioned. He wanted to run and tell Shotmeyer—to treat him to a nice meal. He almost felt love for him, ordinary as he was—because he had pointed him in the right direction.
"Say, Shotmeyer," he said, sticking his head in that worthy's door, "you and I eat tonight. Truth took that drawing."
"Hey, Shotmeyer," he said, poking his head into the guy's office, "you and I are eating together tonight. Truth took that drawing."
"Isn't that fine," said his floor-mate, without a trace of envy. "Well, I'm glad. I thought they'd like it."
"Isn't that great," said his roommate, without a hint of jealousy. "Well, I'm happy to hear that. I figured they'd enjoy it."
Eugene could have cried. Poor Shotmeyer! He wasn't a good artist, but he had a good heart. He would never forget him.
Eugene could have cried. Poor Shotmeyer! He wasn't a great artist, but he had a good heart. He would never forget him.
CHAPTER XVII
This one significant sale with its subsequent check of seventy-five dollars and later the appearance of the picture in color, gave Eugene such a lift in spirit that he felt, for the time being, as though his art career had reached a substantial basis, and he began to think of going to Blackwood to visit Angela. But first he must do some more work.
This one big sale, along with the check for seventy-five dollars that followed, and later seeing the picture in color, gave Eugene such a boost that he felt, for the moment, like his art career had finally gained some real traction. He started thinking about visiting Angela in Blackwood. But first, he needed to do some more work.
He concentrated his attention on several additional scenes, doing a view of Greeley Square in a sopping drizzle, and a picture of an L train speeding up the Bowery on its high, thin trestle of steel. He had an eye for contrasts, picking out lights and shadows sharply, making wonderful blurs that were like colors in precious stones, confused and suggestive. He took one of these after a month to Truth, and again the Art Director was his victim. He tried to be indifferent, but it was hard. The young man had something that he wanted.
He focused on several more scenes, capturing an image of Greeley Square in pouring rain and a shot of an L train speeding up the Bowery on its high, slender steel trestle. He had a knack for contrasts, sharply highlighting lights and shadows, creating beautiful blurs that resembled colors found in precious stones, obscure and evocative. After a month, he submitted one of these to Truth, and once again, the Art Director fell for it. He tried to act indifferent, but it was difficult. The young man had something he desired.
"You might show me anything else you do in this line," he said. "I can use a few if they come up to these two."
"You can show me anything else you have in this area," he said. "I could use a few if they match up to these two."
Eugene went away with his head in the air. He was beginning to get the courage of his ability.
Eugene walked away with his head held high. He was starting to gain confidence in his talent.
It takes quite a number of drawings at seventy-five and one hundred dollars each to make a living income, and artists were too numerous to make anyone's opportunity for immediate distinction easy. Eugene waited months to see his first drawing come out. He stayed away from the smaller magazines in the hope that he would soon be able to contribute to the larger ones, but they were not eagerly seeking new artists. He met, through Shotmeyer, two artists who were living in one studio in Waverly Place and took a great liking to them. One of them, McHugh, was an importation from Wyoming with delicious stories of mountain farming and mining; the other, Smite, was a fisher lad from Nova Scotia. McHugh, tall and lean, with a face that looked like that of a raw yokel, but with some gleam of humor and insight in the eyes which redeemed it instantly, was Eugene's first choice of a pleasing, genial personality. Joseph Smite had a sense of the sea about him. He was short and stout, and rather solidly put together, like a blacksmith. He had big hands and feet, a big mouth, big, bony eye sockets and coarse brown hair. When he talked, ordinarily, it was with a slow, halting air and when he smiled or laughed it was with [Pg 113] his whole face. When he became excited or gay something seemed to happen distinctly to every part of his body. His face became a curious cross-hatch of genial lines. His tongue loosened and he talked fast. He had a habit of emphasizing his language with oaths on these occasions—numerous and picturesque, for he had worked with sea-faring men and had accumulated a vast vocabulary of picturesque expressions. They were vacant of evil intent so far as he was concerned, for there was no subtlety or guile in him. He was kindly and genial all through. Eugene wanted to be friendly and struck a gay relationship with these two. He found that he got along excellently well with them and could swap humorous incidents and character touches by the hour. It was some months before he could actually say that he was intimate with them, but he began to visit them regularly and after a time they called on him.
It takes quite a few drawings at seventy-five and a hundred dollars each to make a decent living, and there were so many artists that standing out became tough. Eugene waited months for his first drawing to be published. He avoided the smaller magazines, hoping he could eventually contribute to the bigger ones, but they weren't actively looking for new artists. Through Shotmeyer, he met two artists living together in a studio on Waverly Place and really liked them. One of them, McHugh, had come from Wyoming and shared great stories about mountain farming and mining; the other, Smite, was a fisherman from Nova Scotia. McHugh was tall and lean, with a face that looked like a rustic, but his eyes held a spark of humor and insight that made him instantly likable. Joseph Smite had a distinctly nautical vibe. He was short and sturdy, built like a blacksmith. He had large hands and feet, a big mouth, deep-set bony eyes, and coarse brown hair. When he spoke, it was usually slow and hesitant, but when he smiled or laughed, it lit up his entire face. When he got excited or happy, every part of him visibly changed. His face formed a charming pattern of cheerful lines, his speech quickened, and he had a tendency to pepper his language with colorful curses, thanks to his time working with sailors, giving him a rich vocabulary of vivid expressions. There was no malice in his words; he was straightforward and genuine. Eugene wanted to be friendly and quickly built a fun rapport with both of them. He found that they connected really well and could share funny stories and character quirks for hours. It took a few months before he could call them close friends, but he began visiting them regularly, and soon they were paying him visits too.
It was during this year that he came to know several models passingly well, to visit the various art exhibitions, to be taken up by Hudson Dula, the Art Director of Truth and invited to two or three small dinners given to artists and girls. He did not find anyone he liked exceptionally well barring one Editor of a rather hopeless magazine called Craft, devoted to art subjects, a young blond, of poetic temperament, who saw in him a spirit of beauty and tried to make friends with him. Eugene responded cheerfully and thereafter Richard Wheeler was a visitor at his studio from time to time. He was not making enough to house himself much better these days, but he did manage to buy a few plaster casts and to pick up a few nice things in copper and brass for his studio. His own drawings, his street scenes, were hung here and there. The way in which the exceptionally clever looked at them convinced him by degrees that he had something big to say.
It was this year that he got to know several models fairly well, attended various art exhibitions, and was taken under the wing of Hudson Dula, the Art Director of Truth, who invited him to a couple of small dinners with artists and women. He didn't find anyone he particularly liked except for one editor of a rather unsuccessful magazine called Craft, which focused on art topics. This young blond, who had a poetic vibe, recognized a spirit of beauty in him and tried to befriend him. Eugene responded positively, and from then on, Richard Wheeler occasionally visited his studio. He wasn't making enough money to improve his living situation much, but he managed to buy a few plaster casts and picked up some nice copper and brass items for his studio. His own drawings, depicting street scenes, were displayed here and there. The way particularly insightful people looked at them gradually convinced him that he had something significant to express.
It was while he was settling himself in this atmosphere—the spring of the second year—that he decided to go back and visit Angela and incidentally Alexandria and Chicago. He had been away now sixteen months, had not seen anyone who had won his affections or alienated him from his love of Angela. He wrote in March that he thought he would be coming in May or June. He did get away in July—a season when the city was suffering from a wave of intense heat. He had not done so much—illustrated eight or ten stories and drawn four double page pictures for Truth, one of which had appeared; but he was getting along. Just as he was starting for Chicago and Blackwood a second one was put on the news-stand and he proudly carried a copy of it with him on the train. It was the Bowery by night, [Pg 114] with the L train rushing overhead and, as reproduced, it had color and life. He felt intensely proud and knew that Angela would also. She had written him such a glowing appreciation of the East Side picture called "Six O'clock."
It was while he was getting comfortable in this environment—the spring of his second year—that he decided to go back and visit Angela, as well as Alexandria and Chicago. He had been away for sixteen months, hadn't seen anyone who captured his affections or distanced him from his love for Angela. He wrote in March that he thought he would come in May or June. He did manage to leave in July—a time when the city was hit by a wave of intense heat. He hadn't done much—illustrated eight or ten stories and created four double-page pictures for Truth, one of which had been published; but he was getting by. Just as he was setting off for Chicago and Blackwood, a second piece was released on the newsstand, and he proudly took a copy with him on the train. It depicted the Bowery at night, [Pg 114] with the L train rushing overhead, and it was vibrant and colorful. He felt a deep sense of pride and knew Angela would feel the same. She had sent him such an enthusiastic compliment about the East Side piece called "Six O'clock."
As he rode he dreamed.
As he rode, he daydreamed.
He reached it at last, the long stretch between New York and Chicago traversed; he arrived in the Lake city in the afternoon, and without pausing to revisit the scenes of his earlier efforts took a five o'clock train for Blackwood. It was sultry, and on the way heavy thunder clouds gathered and broke in a short, splendid summer rain. The trees and grass were thoroughly wet and the dust of the roads was laid. There was a refreshing coolness about the air which caressed the weary flesh. Little towns nestling among green trees came into view and passed again, and at last Blackwood appeared. It was smaller than Alexandria, but not so different. Like the other it was marked by a church steeple, a saw mill, a pretty brick business street and many broad branching green trees. Eugene felt drawn to it at sight. It was such a place as Angela should live in.
He finally made it, having traveled the long distance between New York and Chicago; he arrived in the lakeside city in the afternoon and, without taking a moment to revisit the places of his earlier efforts, caught a five o'clock train to Blackwood. It was muggy, and on the way, dark thunderclouds gathered and burst into a brief, beautiful summer rain. The trees and grass were soaking wet, and the road dust settled. A refreshing coolness filled the air, soothing his tired body. Small towns nestled among green trees came into view and passed by, and finally, Blackwood came into sight. It was smaller than Alexandria, but not really that different. Like the other, it had a church steeple, a sawmill, a charming brick business street, and many wide, leafy trees. Eugene felt a connection to it right away. It was exactly the kind of place where Angela should live.
It was seven o'clock and nearing dusk when he arrived. He had not given Angela the definite hour of his arrival and so decided to stay over night at the little inn or so-called hotel which he saw up the street. He had brought only a large suit case and a traveling bag. He inquired of the proprietor the direction and distance of the Blue house from the town, found that he could get a vehicle any time in the morning which would take him over, as the phrase ran, for a dollar. He ate his supper of fried steak and poor coffee and fried potatoes and then sat out on the front porch facing the street in a rocking chair, to see how the village of Blackwood wagged and to enjoy the cool of the evening. As he sat he thought of Angela's home and how nice it must be. This town was such a little place—so quiet. There would not be another train coming up from the city until after eleven.
It was seven o'clock and getting dark when he arrived. He hadn't told Angela the exact time he'd be there, so he decided to stay overnight at the small inn, or what they called a hotel, that he saw up the street. He only brought a large suitcase and a travel bag. He asked the owner for directions to the Blue House and how far it was from town, and learned he could get a ride anytime in the morning for a dollar. He had dinner of fried steak, bad coffee, and fried potatoes, and then sat on the front porch facing the street in a rocking chair to see how the village of Blackwood was doing and enjoy the cool evening. As he sat there, he thought about Angela's home and how nice it must be. This town was such a small place—so quiet. There wouldn’t be another train coming from the city until after eleven.
After a time he rose and took a short walk, breathing the night air. Later he came back and throwing wide the windows of the stuffy room sat looking out. The summer night with its early rain, its wet trees, its smell of lush, wet, growing things, was impressing itself on Eugene as one might impress wet clay with a notable design. Eugene's mood was soft toward the little houses with their glowing windows, the occasional pedestrians with their "howdy Jakes" and "evenin' Henrys." He was touched by the noise of the crickets, the chirp of the tree toads, the hang of the lucent suns and planets [Pg 115] above the tree tops. The whole night was quick with the richness of fertility, stirring subtly about some work which concerned man very little or not at all, yet of which he was at least a part, till his eyelids drooped after a time and he went to bed to sleep deeply and dreamlessly.
After a while, he got up and took a short walk, breathing in the night air. Later, he returned and threw open the windows of the stuffy room, sitting down to look outside. The summer night, with its recent rain, its wet trees, and the scent of lush, wet, growing things, was leaving an impression on Eugene like pressing a design into soft clay. Eugene felt a warmth towards the little houses with their glowing windows, the occasional pedestrians exchanging “Howdy, Jakes” and “Evening, Henrys.” He was moved by the sound of the crickets, the chirps of the tree toads, and the shimmering suns and planets [Pg 115] above the treetops. The entire night was alive with the richness of fertility, subtly stirring around some work that concerned humanity very little or not at all, yet of which he was at least a part, until his eyelids grew heavy after a while and he went to bed to sleep deeply and dreamlessly.
Next morning he was up early, eager for the hour to arrive when he might start. He did not think it advisable to leave before nine o'clock, and attracted considerable attention by strolling about, his tall, spare, graceful figure and forceful profile being an unusual sight to the natives. At nine o'clock a respectable carryall was placed at his disposal and he was driven out over a long yellow road, damp with the rain of the night before and shaded in places by overhanging trees. There were so many lovely wild flowers growing in the angles of the rail fences—wild yellow and pink roses, elder flower, Queen Anne's lace, dozens of beautiful blooms, that Eugene was lost in admiration. His heart sang over the beauty of yellowing wheatfields, the young corn, already three feet high, the vistas of hay and clover, with patches of woods enclosing them, and over all, house martens and swallows scudding after insects and high up in the air his boyhood dream of beauty, a soaring buzzard.
The next morning he woke up early, excited for the time to come when he could set off. He thought it best to wait until after nine o'clock to leave and drew quite a bit of attention as he walked around, his tall, lean, graceful figure and striking profile being a rare sight for the locals. At nine o'clock, a decent carriage was made available to him, and he was driven out along a long, damp yellow road, still wet from the previous night's rain and shaded in spots by overhanging trees. There were so many beautiful wildflowers blooming in the corners of the rail fences—wild yellow and pink roses, elderflowers, Queen Anne's lace, and dozens of stunning blossoms—that Eugene was completely captivated. His heart soared at the sight of golden wheat fields, young corn already three feet tall, and sweeping views of hay and clover, all framed by patches of woods, while house martins and swallows chased after insects, and high up in the sky, his childhood dream of beauty—a soaring buzzard—flew overhead.
As he rode the moods of his boyhood days came back to him—his love of winging butterflies and birds; his passion for the voice of the wood-dove (there was one crying in the still distance now)—his adoration for the virile strength of the men of the countryside. He thought as he rode that he would like to paint a series of country scenes that would be as simple as those cottage dooryards that they now and then passed; this little stream that cut the road at right angles and made a drinking place for the horses; this skeleton of an old abandoned home, doorless and windowless, where the roof sagged and hollyhocks and morning glories grew high under the eaves. "We city dwellers do not know," he sighed, as though he had not taken the country in his heart and carried it to town as had every other boy and girl who had gone the way of the metropolis.
As he rode, memories of his childhood came flooding back—his love for chasing butterflies and birds; his fondness for the soothing call of the wood-dove (which he could hear softly in the distance now); his admiration for the rugged strength of the local men. He thought about how he’d like to create a series of paintings depicting rural scenes as simple as the cottage yards they occasionally passed; the little stream that crossed the road at a right angle, serving as a watering hole for the horses; the frame of an old, deserted house, without doors or windows, its roof sagging while hollyhocks and morning glories thrived underneath the eaves. "We city folks have no idea," he sighed, as if he hadn't embraced the countryside and brought it back to the city like every other boy and girl who had ventured into the hustle and bustle of urban life.
The Blue homestead was located in the centre of a rather wide rolling stretch of country which lay between two gently rising ridges of hill covered with trees. One corner of the farm, and that not so very far from the house, was cut by a stream, a little shallow thing, singing over pebbles and making willows and hazel bushes to grow in profusion along its banks, and there was a little lake within a mile of the house. In front of it was a ten acre field of wheat, to the right of it a grazing patch of several acres, to the left a field of clover; and near [Pg 116] the house by a barn, a well, a pig pen, a corn crib and some smaller sheds. In front of the house was a long open lawn, down the centre of which ran a gravel path, lined on either side by tall old elm trees. The immediate dooryard was shut from this noble lawn by a low picket fence along the length of which grew lilac bushes and inside which, nearer the house, were simple beds of roses, calycanthus and golden glow. Over an arbor leading from the backdoor to a rather distant summer kitchen flourished a grapevine, and there was a tall remnant of a tree trunk covered completely with a yellow blooming trumpet vine. The dooryard's lawn was smooth enough, and the great lawn was a dream of green grass, graced with the shadows of a few great trees. The house was long and of no great depth, the front a series of six rooms ranged in a row, without an upper storey. The two middle rooms which had originally, perhaps seventy years before, been all there was of the house. Since then all the other rooms had been added, and there was in addition to these a lean-to containing a winter kitchen and dining room, and to the west of the arbor leading to the summer kitchen, an old unpainted frame storehouse. In all its parts the place was shabby and run down but picturesque and quaint.
The Blue homestead was situated in the middle of a fairly wide, rolling area of land that lay between two gently sloping hills covered with trees. One corner of the farm, not too far from the house, was crossed by a stream, a shallow little thing that sang over pebbles and allowed willows and hazel bushes to grow abundantly along its banks. There was also a small lake within a mile of the house. In front of it was a ten-acre wheat field, to the right a grazing area of several acres, to the left a clover field; and near the house, there was a barn, a well, a pig pen, a corn crib, and a few smaller sheds. In front of the house was a long open lawn with a gravel path running down the center, lined by tall old elm trees on either side. The area immediately around the door was separated from this beautiful lawn by a low picket fence, along which lilac bushes grew, and closer to the house were simple beds of roses, calycanthus, and golden glow. Over an arbor leading from the backdoor to a rather distant summer kitchen trailed a grapevine, and there was a tall remnant of a tree trunk completely covered with a yellow-blooming trumpet vine. The lawn in the dooryard was smooth, while the grand lawn was a dream of green grass, graced by the shadows of a few large trees. The house was long and not very deep, with the front consisting of a row of six rooms without an upper floor. The two middle rooms had originally, perhaps seventy years ago, been all there was to the house. Since then, all the other rooms had been added, and in addition, there was a lean-to that included a winter kitchen and dining room, and to the west of the arbor leading to the summer kitchen, an old, unpainted frame storehouse. While the place was shabby and run-down in all its parts, it was also picturesque and charming.
Eugene was surprised to find the place so charming. It appealed to him, the long, low front, with doors opening from the centre and end rooms direct upon the grass, with windows set in climbing vines and the lilac bushes forming a green wall between the house and the main lawn. The great rows of elm trees throwing a grateful shade seemed like sentinel files. As the carryall turned in at the wagon gate in front he thought "What a place for love! and to think Angela should live here."
Eugene was surprised to find the place so charming. He was drawn to the long, low front, with doors opening from the center and end rooms directly onto the grass, with windows surrounded by climbing vines and lilac bushes creating a green wall between the house and the main lawn. The long rows of elm trees casting a nice shade looked like sentinels standing guard. As the carryall turned in at the wagon gate in front, he thought, "What a place for love! And to think Angela lives here."
The carryall rattled down the pebble road to the left of the lawn and stopped at the garden gate. Marietta came out. Marietta was twenty-two years old, and as gay and joyous as her elder sister Angela was sober and in a way morbid. Light souled as a kitten, looking always on the bright side of things, she made hosts of friends everywhere she went, having a perfect swarm of lovers who wrote her eager notes, but whom she rebuffed with good natured, sympathetic simplicity. Here on this farm there was not supposed to be so much opportunity for social life as in town, but beaux made their way here on one pretext and another. Marietta was the magnet, and in the world of gaiety which she created Angela shared.
The carryall bumped along the gravel road beside the lawn and pulled up at the garden gate. Marietta stepped outside. She was twenty-two, full of life and joy, while her older sister Angela was serious and somewhat gloomy. Marietta was as light-hearted as a kitten, always looking on the bright side, making friends wherever she went, and attracting a constant stream of admirers who sent her enthusiastic notes, which she cheerfully turned down with kind-hearted simplicity. Although this farm didn’t seem like it would offer much in terms of social life compared to the city, suitors still found their way here for various reasons. Marietta was the charm, and in the lively atmosphere she created, Angela played her part.
Angela was now in the dining room—easy to be called—but Marietta wanted to see for herself what sort of lover her [Pg 117] sister had captured. She was surprised at his height, his presence, the keenness of his eyes. She hardly understood so fine a lover for her own sister, but held out her hand smilingly.
Angela was now in the dining room—easy to be summoned—but Marietta wanted to see for herself what kind of lover her sister had caught. She was surprised by his height, his presence, and the intensity of his eyes. She could hardly believe such a fine lover was meant for her own sister, but she extended her hand with a smile.
"This is Mr. Witla, isn't it?" she asked.
"This is Mr. Witla, right?" she asked.
"The same," he replied, a little pompously. "Isn't it a lovely drive over here?"
"The same," he replied, a bit arrogantly. "Isn't it a beautiful drive out here?"
"We think it nice in nice weather," she laughed. "You wouldn't like it so much in winter. Won't you come in and put your grip here in the hall? David will take it to your room."
"We think it’s great in nice weather," she laughed. "You wouldn't enjoy it as much in winter. Why don't you come in and leave your bag here in the hall? David will take it to your room."
Eugene obeyed, but he was thinking of Angela and when she would appear and how she would look. He stepped into the large, low ceiled, dark, cool parlor and was delighted to see a piano and some music piled on a rack. Through an open window he saw several hammocks out on the main lawn, under the trees. It seemed a wonderful place to him, the substance of poetry—and then Angela appeared. She was dressed in plain white linen. Her hair, braided as he liked it in a great rope, lay as a band across her forehead. She had picked a big pink rose and put it in her waist. At sight of her Eugene held out his arms and she flew to them. He kissed her vigorously, for Marietta had discreetly retired and they were left alone.
Eugene complied, but his mind was on Angela—wondering when she would show up and how she would look. He walked into the spacious, low-ceilinged, dim, cool parlor and was thrilled to see a piano and some sheet music stacked on a rack. Through an open window, he noticed several hammocks out on the main lawn, nestled under the trees. It seemed like a magical place to him, the essence of poetry—and then Angela appeared. She was wearing simple white linen. Her hair, styled in a thick braid that he loved, lay across her forehead. She had picked a large pink rose and tucked it into her waist. Upon seeing her, Eugene opened his arms, and she rushed into them. He kissed her passionately, since Marietta had discreetly stepped away and they were finally alone.
"So I have you at last," he whispered, and kissed her again.
"So I finally have you," he whispered, and kissed her again.
"Oh, yes, yes, and it has been so long," she sighed.
"Oh, yes, yes, it has been such a long time," she sighed.
"You couldn't have suffered any more than I have," he consoled. "Every minute has been torture, waiting, waiting, waiting!"
"You couldn't have gone through anything worse than I have," he tried to comfort her. "Every minute has been torture, just waiting, waiting, waiting!"
"Let's not think of that now," she urged. "We have each other. You are here."
"Let's not worry about that right now," she said. "We have each other. You're here."
"Yes, here I am," he laughed, "all the virtues done up in one brown suit. Isn't it lovely—these great trees, that beautiful lawn?"
"Yes, here I am," he laughed, "all the good qualities wrapped in one brown suit. Isn't it nice—these tall trees, that gorgeous lawn?"
He paused from kissing to look out of the window.
He stopped kissing to glance out the window.
"I'm glad you like it," she replied joyously. "We think it's nice, but this place is so old."
"I'm glad you like it," she said happily. "We think it's nice, but this place is really old."
"I love it for that," he cried appreciatively. "Those bushes are so nice—those roses. Oh, dear, you don't know how sweet it all seems—and you—you are so nice."
"I love it for that," he said with appreciation. "Those bushes are so lovely—those roses. Oh, you have no idea how sweet it all feels—and you—you are so wonderful."
He held her off at arm's length and surveyed her while she blushed becomingly. His eager, direct, vigorous onslaught confused her at times—caused her pulse to beat at a high rate.
He kept her at arm's length and looked her over while she blushed prettily. His enthusiastic, straightforward, intense approach sometimes confused her—making her heart race.
They went out into the dooryard after a time and then Marietta appeared again, and with her Mrs. Blue, a comfortable, round bodied mother of sixty, who greeted Eugene cordially. He could feel in her what he felt in his own mother—in every [Pg 118] good mother—love of order and peace, love of the well being of her children, love of public respect and private honor and morality. All these things Eugene heartily respected in others. He was glad to see them, believed they had a place in society, but was uncertain whether they bore any fixed or important relationship to him. He was always thinking in his private conscience that life was somehow bigger and subtler and darker than any given theory or order of living. It might well be worth while for a man or woman to be honest and moral within a given condition or quality of society, but it did not matter at all in the ultimate substance and composition of the universe. Any form or order of society which hoped to endure must have individuals like Mrs. Blue, who would conform to the highest standards and theories of that society, and when found they were admirable, but they meant nothing in the shifting, subtle forces of nature. They were just accidental harmonies blossoming out of something which meant everything here to this order, nothing to the universe at large. At twenty-two years of age he was thinking these things, wondering whether it would be possible ever to express them; wondering what people would think of him if they actually knew what he did think; wondering if there was anything, anything, which was really stable—a rock to cling to—and not mere shifting shadow and unreality.
They eventually went out into the yard, and soon Marietta showed up again, along with Mrs. Blue, a warm, plump mother in her sixties who greeted Eugene warmly. He sensed in her the same qualities he recognized in his own mother—in every good mother—like a love for order and peace, a concern for her children's well-being, and a respect for public decency and private integrity. Eugene deeply respected these traits in others. He was pleased to see them and believed they had a role in society, but he was unsure whether they had any significant connection to him personally. He often thought to himself that life was somehow broader, subtler, and darker than any specific theory or way of living. It could be worthwhile for a person to be honest and moral within a particular social context, but that didn’t really matter in the grand scheme of the universe. Any social structure that hoped to survive needed individuals like Mrs. Blue, who would adhere to the highest standards and ideals of that society; when found, they were admirable, but they didn’t hold any weight against the changing, subtle forces of nature. They were simply random harmonies arising from something that mattered a lot within that order but nothing to the universe as a whole. At twenty-two years old, he contemplated these ideas, questioning whether he could ever articulate them; wondering what people would think of him if they truly understood his thoughts; and wondering if there was anything stable—a solid foundation to hold onto—rather than just fleeting illusions and unrealities.
Mrs. Blue looked at her daughter's young lover with a kindly eye. She had heard a great deal about him. Having raised her children to be honest, moral and truthful she trusted them to associate only with those who were equally so. She assumed that Eugene was such a man, and his frank open countenance and smiling eyes and mouth convinced her that he was basically good. Also, what to her were his wonderful drawings, sent to Angela in the form of proofs from time to time, particularly the one of the East Side crowd, had been enough to prejudice her in his favor. No other daughter of the family, and there were three married, had approximated to this type of man in her choice. Eugene was looked upon as a prospective son-in-law who would fulfill all the conventional obligations joyfully and as a matter of course.
Mrs. Blue looked at her daughter's young boyfriend with a warm expression. She had heard a lot about him. Having raised her children to be honest, moral, and truthful, she trusted them to surround themselves only with people who shared those values. She believed that Eugene was one of those people, and his sincere, open face along with his smiling eyes and mouth convinced her that he was essentially good. Additionally, she thought his amazing drawings, which he sometimes sent to Angela as proofs—especially the one of the East Side crowd—were enough to sway her opinion in his favor. No other daughter in the family, out of three who were married, had chosen a man like him. Eugene was seen as a potential son-in-law who would gladly embrace all the traditional responsibilities.
"It's very good of you to put me up, Mrs. Blue," Eugene said pleasantly. "I've always wanted to come out here for a visit—I've heard so much of the family from Angela."
"It's really nice of you to host me, Mrs. Blue," Eugene said cheerfully. "I've always wanted to come here for a visit—I've heard so much about the family from Angela."
"It's just a country home we have, not much to look at, but we like it," replied his hostess. She smiled blandly, asked if he wouldn't make himself comfortable in one of the hammocks, [Pg 119] wanted to know how he was getting along with his work in New York and then returned to her cooking, for she was already preparing his first meal. Eugene strolled with Angela to the big lawn under the trees and sat down. He was experiencing the loftiest of human emotions on earth—love in youth, accepted and requited, hope in youth, justified in action by his success in New York; peace in youth, for he had a well earned holiday in his grasp, was resting with the means to do so and with love and beauty and admiration and joyous summer weather to comfort him.
"It's just a country home we have, nothing special, but we like it," his hostess replied. She smiled cheerfully, asked if he wanted to relax in one of the hammocks, [Pg 119] wanted to know how things were going with his work in New York, and then went back to cooking, since she was already preparing his first meal. Eugene walked with Angela to the big lawn under the trees and sat down. He was feeling the highest of human emotions—love in youth, accepted and returned, hope in youth, validated by his success in New York; peace in youth, as he had a well-deserved holiday in his hands, was resting with the means to do so, and surrounded by love, beauty, admiration, and the cheerful summer weather.
As he rocked to and fro in the hammock gazing at the charming lawn and realizing all these things, his glance rested at last upon Angela, and he thought, "Life can really hold no finer thing than this."
As he swayed back and forth in the hammock, looking at the lovely lawn and reflecting on everything, his eyes finally landed on Angela, and he thought, "Life really can't offer anything better than this."
CHAPTER XVIII
Toward noon old Jotham Blue came in from a cornfield where he had been turning the earth between the rows. Although sixty-five and with snowy hair and beard he looked to be vigorous, and good to live until ninety or a hundred. His eyes were blue and keen, his color rosy. He had great broad shoulders set upon a spare waist, for he had been a handsome figure of a man in his youth.
Toward noon, old Jotham Blue walked in from a cornfield where he had been tilling the soil between the rows. Even at sixty-five, with snowy hair and a beard, he seemed lively, as if he could live to be ninety or a hundred. His eyes were bright blue and sharp, and he had a healthy rosy complexion. He had broad shoulders on a slim waist, having been a striking man in his younger days.
"How do you do, Mr. Witla," he inquired with easy grace as he strolled up, the yellow mud of the fields on his boots. He had pulled a big jackknife out of his pocket and begun whittling a fine twig he had picked up. "I'm glad to see you. My daughter, Angela, has been telling me one thing and another about you."
"How’s it going, Mr. Witla," he asked casually as he walked up, the yellow mud from the fields on his boots. He had taken a big jackknife out of his pocket and started carving a fine twig he had picked up. "I’m glad to see you. My daughter, Angela, has been saying a lot about you."
He smiled as he looked at Eugene. Angela, who was sitting beside him, rose and strolled toward the house.
He smiled as he looked at Eugene. Angela, who was sitting next to him, got up and walked toward the house.
"I'm glad to see you," said Eugene. "I like your country around here. It looks prosperous."
"I'm really happy to see you," Eugene said. "I love your country here. It looks thriving."
"It is prosperous," said the old patriarch, drawing up a chair which stood at the foot of a tree and seating himself. Eugene sank back into the hammock.
"It’s prosperous," said the old patriarch, pulling up a chair that was positioned at the base of a tree and sitting down. Eugene settled back into the hammock.
"It's a soil that's rich in lime and carbon and sodium—the things which make plant life grow. We need very little fertilizer here—very little. The principal thing is to keep the ground thoroughly cultivated and to keep out the bugs and weeds."
"It's soil that's rich in lime, carbon, and sodium—the things that help plants thrive. We need very little fertilizer here—barely any at all. The main thing is to keep the land well-tended and to keep out the pests and weeds."
He cut at his stick meditatively. Eugene noted the chemical and physical knowledge relative to farming. It pleased him to find brain coupled with crop cultivation.
He chopped at his stick thoughtfully. Eugene recognized the scientific knowledge related to farming. He was glad to see intelligence combined with crop growing.
"I noticed some splendid fields of wheat as I came over," he observed.
"I saw some beautiful fields of wheat as I was coming over," he said.
"Yes, wheat does well here," Blue went on, "when the weather is moderately favorable. Corn does well. We have a splendid apple crop and grapes are generally successful in this state. I have always thought that Wisconsin had a little the best of the other valley states, for we are blessed with a moderate climate, plenty of streams and rivers and a fine, broken landscape. There are good mines up north and lots of lumber. We are a prosperous people, we Wisconsiners, decidedly prosperous. This state has a great future."
"Yeah, wheat grows well here," Blue continued, "when the weather is reasonably good. Corn also thrives. We have an amazing apple harvest and grapes usually do well in this state. I've always believed that Wisconsin has a slight edge over the other valley states because we enjoy a mild climate, abundant streams and rivers, and a beautiful, varied landscape. There are good mines up north and plenty of timber. We are a prosperous people, we Wisconsinites, definitely prosperous. This state has a bright future."
Eugene noted the wide space between his clear blue eyes as [Pg 121] he talked. He liked the bigness of his conception of his state and of his country. No petty little ground-harnessed ploughman this, but a farmer in the big sense of the word—a cultivator of the soil, with an understanding of it—an American who loved his state and his country.
Eugene noticed the broad space between his clear blue eyes as [Pg 121] he spoke. He appreciated the grandeur of his vision for his state and his country. Not a small-minded, ground-bound plowman, but a farmer in the truest sense—a caretaker of the land, with a deep understanding of it—an American who cherished his state and his country.
"I have always thought of the Mississippi valley as the country of the future," said Eugene. "We have had the Valley of the Nile and the Valley of the Euphrates with big populations, but this is something larger. I rather feel as though a great wave of population were coming here in the future."
"I've always seen the Mississippi valley as the land of the future," said Eugene. "We’ve had the Nile Valley and the Euphrates Valley with large populations, but this is something bigger. I really feel like a huge wave of people is going to come here in the future."
"It is the new paradise of the world," said Jotham Blue, pausing in his whittling and holding up his right hand for emphasis. "We haven't come to realize its possibilities. The fruit, the corn, the wheat, to feed the nations of the world can be raised here. I sometimes marvel at the productivity of the soil. It is so generous. It is like a great mother. It only asks to be treated kindly to give all that it has."
"It’s the new paradise of the world," said Jotham Blue, stopping his whittling and raising his right hand for emphasis. "We haven't fully understood its potential. The fruits, the corn, the wheat that could feed nations can be grown here. I often wonder at how productive the soil is. It’s so generous. It’s like a nurturing mother. It just asks to be treated well to give everything it has."
Eugene smiled. The bigness of his prospective father-in-law's feelings lured him. He felt as though he could love this man.
Eugene smiled. The intensity of his future father-in-law's feelings captivated him. He felt like he could love this man.
They talked on about other things, the character of the surrounding population, the growth of Chicago, the recent threat of a war with Venezuela, the rise of a new leader in the Democratic party, a man whom Jotham admired very much. As he was telling of the latter's exploits—it appeared he had recently met him at Blackwood—Mrs. Blue appeared in the front door.
They continued chatting about other topics, like the nature of the local community, the expansion of Chicago, the recent risk of war with Venezuela, and the emergence of a new leader in the Democratic Party, someone Jotham admired a lot. As he shared stories about the leader's achievements—he had recently met him at Blackwood—Mrs. Blue showed up in the front door.
"Jotham!" she called.
"Jotham!" she shouted.
He rose. "My wife must want a bucket of water," he said, and strolled away.
He stood up. "My wife probably needs a bucket of water," he said, and walked off.
Eugene smiled. This was lovely. This was the way life should be—compounded of health, strength, good nature, understanding, simplicity. He wished he were a man like Jotham, as sound, as hearty, as clean and strong. To think he had raised eight children. No wonder Angela was lovely. They all were, no doubt.
Eugene smiled. This was beautiful. This was how life should be—full of health, strength, good vibes, understanding, and simplicity. He wished he could be a man like Jotham, as sound, as hearty, as clean and strong. To think he had raised eight kids. No wonder Angela was amazing. They all were, without a doubt.
While he was rocking, Marietta came back smiling, her blond hair blowing about her face. Like her father she had blue eyes, like him a sanguine temperament, warm and ruddy. Eugene felt drawn to her. She reminded him a little of Ruby—a little of Margaret. She was bursting with young health.
While he was rocking, Marietta returned smiling, her blond hair blowing around her face. Like her father, she had blue eyes and, like him, a cheerful temperament, warm and rosy. Eugene felt attracted to her. She reminded him a bit of Ruby—a bit of Margaret. She was full of youthful energy.
"You're stronger than Angela," he said, looking at her.
"You're stronger than Angela," he said, looking at her.
"Oh, yes, I can always outrun Angel-face," she exclaimed. "We fight sometimes but I can get things away from her. [Pg 122] She has to give in. Sometimes I feel older—I always take the lead."
"Oh, absolutely, I can always outrun Angel-face," she said. "We fight sometimes, but I can take things from her. [Pg 122] She has to give in. Sometimes I feel older—I always take charge."
Eugene rejoiced in the sobriquet of Angel-face. It suited Angela, he thought. She looked like pictures of Angels in the old prints and in the stained glass windows he had seen. He wondered in a vague way, however, whether Marietta did not have the sweeter temperament—were not really more lovable and cosy. But he put the thought forcefully out of his mind. He felt he must be loyal to Angela here.
Eugene was pleased with the nickname Angel-face. It fit Angela, he thought. She resembled images of angels from old prints and the stained glass windows he had seen. However, he vaguely wondered if Marietta might have the sweeter personality—if she was actually more lovable and warm. But he firmly pushed that thought aside. He felt he needed to be loyal to Angela in this situation.
While they were talking the youngest boy, David, came up and sat down on the grass. He was short and stocky for his years—sixteen—with an intelligent face and an inquiring eye. Eugene noted stability and quiet force in his character at once. He began to see that these children had inherited character as well as strength from their parents. This was a home in which successful children were being reared. Benjamin came up after awhile, a tall, overgrown, puritanical youth, with western modifications and then Samuel, the oldest of the living boys and the most impressive. He was big and serene like his father, of brown complexion and hickory strength. Eugene learned in the conversation that he was a railroad man in St. Paul—home for a brief vacation, after three years of absence. He was with a road called the Great Northern, already a Second Assistant Passenger Agent and with great prospects, so the family thought. Eugene could see that all the boys and girls, like Angela, were ruggedly and honestly truthful. They were written all over with Christian precept—not church dogma—but Christian precept, lightly and good naturedly applied. They obeyed the ten commandments in so far as possible and lived within the limits of what people considered sane and decent. Eugene wondered at this. His own moral laxity was a puzzle to him. He wondered whether he were not really all wrong and they all right. Yet the subtlety of the universe was always with him—the mystery of its chemistry. For a given order of society no doubt he was out of place—for life in general, well, he could not say.
While they were chatting, the youngest boy, David, came over and sat down on the grass. At sixteen, he was short and stocky for his age, with an intelligent face and curious eyes. Eugene instantly noticed the stability and quiet strength in his character. He began to understand that these children inherited both character and strength from their parents. This was a home where successful children were being raised. After a while, Benjamin joined them—he was a tall, lanky, puritanical young man with some western traits. Then came Samuel, the oldest of the living boys and the most impressive. He was big and calm like his father, with a brown complexion and rugged strength. During their conversation, Eugene learned that he worked for a railroad in St. Paul—home for a short vacation after three years away. He was with a company called the Great Northern, already a Second Assistant Passenger Agent, and his family believed he had a bright future ahead. Eugene could see that all the boys and girls, like Angela, were straightforward and genuinely honest. They embodied Christian values—not church dogma—but Christian principles, applied lightly and with good humor. They obeyed the Ten Commandments as best as they could and lived within the boundaries of what people considered reasonable and decent. Eugene found this intriguing. His own moral laxity puzzled him. He wondered if he was genuinely in the wrong and they were in the right. Yet, the complexity of the universe was always on his mind—the mystery of its intricacies. For a certain social order, he was undoubtedly out of place—but for life overall, he couldn't be sure.
At 12.30 dinner was announced from the door by Mrs. Blue and they all rose. It was one of those simple home feasts common to any intelligent farming family. There was a generous supply of fresh vegetables, green peas, new potatoes, new string beans. A steak had been secured from the itinerant butcher who served these parts and Mrs. Blue had made hot light biscuit. Eugene expressed a predilection for fresh buttermilk and they brought him a pitcherful, saying that as a rule it was given to [Pg 123] the pigs; the children did not care for it. They talked and jested and he heard odd bits of information concerning people here and there—some farmer who had lost a horse by colic; some other farmer who was preparing to cut his wheat. There were frequent references to the three oldest sisters, who lived in other Wisconsin towns. Their children appeared to be numerous and fairly troublesome. They all came home frequently, it appeared, and were bound up closely with the interests of the family as a whole.
At 12:30, Mrs. Blue announced dinner from the door, and everyone stood up. It was one of those simple family meals typical of any smart farming household. There was a generous amount of fresh vegetables, green peas, new potatoes, and new string beans. A steak had been gotten from the traveling butcher who served the area, and Mrs. Blue had made warm, light biscuits. Eugene showed a preference for fresh buttermilk, so they brought him a pitcherful, explaining that usually it was given to [Pg 123] the pigs since the kids didn’t like it. They chatted and joked, and he picked up snippets of news about people here and there—a farmer who lost a horse to colic; another farmer who was getting ready to cut his wheat. They often mentioned the three oldest sisters, who lived in other Wisconsin towns. Their kids seemed to be numerous and quite a handful. They all came home regularly, it seemed, and were deeply involved in the family's interests.
"The more you know about the Blue family," observed Samuel to Eugene, who expressed surprise at the solidarity of interest, "the more you realize that they're a clan not a family. They stick together like glue."
"The more you learn about the Blue family," Samuel remarked to Eugene, who seemed surprised by their strong sense of unity, "the more you see that they're a clan, not just a family. They stick together like glue."
"That's a rather nice trait, I should say," laughed Eugene, who felt no such keen interest in his relatives.
"That's a pretty nice quality, I have to say," laughed Eugene, who didn't feel much interest in his relatives.
"Well, if you want to find out how the Blue family stick together just do something to one of them," observed Jake Doll, a neighbor who had entered.
"Well, if you want to see how the Blue family sticks together, just mess with one of them," said Jake Doll, a neighbor who had just walked in.
"That's sure true, isn't it, Sis," observed Samuel, who was sitting next to Angela, putting his hand affectionately on his sister's arm. Eugene noted the movement. She nodded her head affectionately.
"That's definitely true, right, Sis?" said Samuel, who was sitting next to Angela, putting his hand lovingly on his sister's arm. Eugene noticed the gesture. She nodded her head warmly.
"Yes, we Blues all hang together."
"Yeah, we Blues all stick together."
Eugene almost begrudged him his sister's apparent affection. Could such a girl be cut out of such an atmosphere—separated from it completely, brought into a radically different world, he wondered. Would she understand him; would he stick by her. He smiled at Jotham and Mrs. Blue and thought he ought to, but life was strange. You never could tell what might happen.
Eugene felt a twinge of resentment over his sister's obvious affection for him. Could a girl like that really come from such a background—totally removed from it and thrust into a completely different world, he wondered. Would she get him; would he be there for her? He smiled at Jotham and Mrs. Blue, thinking he should, but life was unpredictable. You never knew what could happen.
During the afternoon there were more lovely impressions. He and Angela sat alone in the cool parlor for two hours after dinner while he restated his impressions of her over and over. He told her how charming he thought her home was, how nice her father and mother, what interesting brothers she had. He made a genial sketch of Jotham as he had strolled up to him at noon, which pleased Angela and she kept it to show to her father. He made her pose in the window and sketched her head and her halo of hair. He thought of his double page illustration of the Bowery by night and went to fetch it, looking for the first time at the sweet cool room at the end of the house which he was to occupy. One window, a west one, had hollyhocks looking in, and the door to the north gave out on the cool, shady grass. He moved in beauty, he thought; was treading on showered happiness. It hurt him to think that [Pg 124] such joy might not always be, as though beauty were not everywhere and forever present.
During the afternoon, there were more lovely moments. He and Angela spent two hours alone in the cool living room after dinner while he repeatedly expressed his thoughts about her. He told her how charming he found her home, how nice her parents were, and what interesting brothers she had. He made a friendly sketch of Jotham as he had walked up to him at noon, which made Angela happy, and she kept it to show her father. He had her pose by the window and sketched her head and her halo of hair. He thought about his double-page illustration of the Bowery at night and went to get it, finally taking in the sweet, cool room at the end of the house that he was going to occupy. One window, facing west, had hollyhocks peeking in, and the door to the north led out to the cool, shady grass. He felt as if he was moving through beauty; he thought he was walking on a shower of happiness. It hurt him to think that such joy might not last forever, as if beauty wasn't everywhere and always present.
When Angela saw the picture which Truth had reproduced, she was beside herself with joy and pride and happiness. It was such a testimony to her lover's ability. He had written almost daily of the New York art world, so she was familiar with that in exaggerated ideas, but these actual things, like reproduced pictures, were different. The whole world would see this picture. He must be famous already, she imagined.
When Angela saw the picture that Truth had published, she was overwhelmed with joy and pride. It was such a testament to her lover's talent. He had almost daily written about the New York art scene, so she was aware of it in more abstract terms, but these actual images, like reproduced pictures, were something else entirely. The whole world would see this artwork. She imagined he must be famous already.
That evening and the next and the next as they sat in the parlor alone he drew nearer and nearer to that definite understanding which comes between a man and woman when they love. Eugene could never stop with mere kissing and caressing in a reserved way, if not persistently restrained. It seemed natural to him that love should go on. He had not been married. He did not know what its responsibilities were. He had never given a thought to what his parents had endured to make him worth while. There was no instinct in him to tell him. He had no yearnings for parenthood, that normal desire which gives visions of a home and the proper social conditions for rearing a family. All he thought of was the love making period—the billing and cooing and the transports of delight which come with it. With Angela he felt that these would be super-normal precisely because she was so slow in yielding—so on the defensive against herself. He could look in her eyes at times and see a swooning veil which foreshadowed a storm of emotion. He would sit by her stroking her hands, touching her cheek, smoothing her hair, or at other times holding her in his arms. It was hard for her to resist those significant pressures he gave, to hold him at arm's length, for she herself was eager for the delights of love.
That evening, and the next, and the next, as they sat alone in the parlor, he moved closer and closer to that clear understanding that develops between a man and a woman when they love. Eugene could never stick to just kissing and touching in a reserved way, unless he was persistently held back. It felt natural to him that love should continue. He had never been married, so he didn’t know what responsibilities came with it. He had never considered what his parents had gone through to make his life worthwhile. There was no instinct in him to guide him. He had no desire for parenthood, that typical longing that brings thoughts of a home and the right conditions for raising a family. All he focused on was the romance—the flirting and the joy that comes with it. With Angela, he believed these experiences would be even more intense because she was so slow to give in—so defensive with herself. Sometimes he could look into her eyes and see a dreamy look that hinted at a storm of feelings brewing. He would sit beside her, stroking her hands, touching her cheek, smoothing her hair, or sometimes holding her in his arms. It was hard for her to resist his significant advances, to keep him at a distance, because she too was eager for the pleasures of love.
It was on the third night of his stay and in the face of his growing respect for every member of this family, that he swept Angela to the danger line—would have carried her across it had it not been for a fortuitous wave of emotion, which was not of his creation, but of hers.
It was on the third night of his stay, as he developed a deeper respect for each member of this family, that he pulled Angela to the edge of danger—he would have taken her across it if it hadn’t been for an unexpected wave of emotion that came from her, not him.
They had been to the little lake, Okoonee, a little way from the house during the afternoon for a swim.
They had gone to the small lake, Okoonee, not far from the house that afternoon to swim.
Afterward he and Angela and David and Marietta had taken a drive. It was one of those lovely afternoons that come sometimes in summer and speak direct to the heart of love and beauty. It was so fair and warm, the shadows of the trees so comforting that they fairly made Eugene's heart ache. He was young now, life was beautiful, but how would it be when [Pg 125] he was old? A morbid anticipation of disaster seemed to harrow his soul.
After that, he, Angela, David, and Marietta went for a drive. It was one of those beautiful summer afternoons that touch the heart with love and beauty. The weather was nice and warm, and the tree shadows felt so comforting that they made Eugene's heart ache. He was young now, life was beautiful, but how would it feel when [Pg 125] he grew old? A dark sense of impending disaster seemed to weigh on his soul.
The sunset had already died away when they drew near home. Insects hummed, a cow-bell tinkled now and then; breaths of cool air, those harbingers of the approaching eve, swept their cheeks as they passed occasional hollows. Approaching the house they saw the blue smoke curls rising from the kitchen chimney, foretelling the preparation of the evening meal. Eugene clasped Angela's hand in an ecstasy of emotion.
The sunset had already faded by the time they got close to home. Insects buzzed and a cowbell jingled now and then; cool breezes, signaling the coming evening, brushed their cheeks as they passed by some dips in the ground. As they neared the house, they noticed blue smoke rising from the kitchen chimney, indicating that dinner was being prepared. Eugene held Angela's hand tightly, filled with emotion.
He wanted to dream—sitting in the hammock with Angela as the dusk fell, watching the pretty scene. Life was all around. Jotham and Benjamin came in from the fields and the sound of their voices and of the splashing water came from the kitchen door where they were washing. There was an anticipatory stamping of horses' feet in the barn, the lowing of a distant cow, the hungry grunt of pigs. Eugene shook his head—it was so pastoral, so sweet.
He wanted to dream—sitting in the hammock with Angela as the evening settled in, enjoying the lovely view. Life was everywhere. Jotham and Benjamin returned from the fields, and the sounds of their voices and splashing water came from the kitchen door where they were washing up. You could hear the eager stamping of horses’ hooves in the barn, the distant moo of a cow, and the hungry grunting of pigs. Eugene shook his head—it was so peaceful, so charming.
At supper he scarcely touched what was put before him, the group at the dining table holding his attention as a spectacle. Afterwards he sat with the family on the lawn outside the door, breathing the odor of flowers, watching the stars over the trees, listening to Jotham and Mrs. Blue, to Samuel, Benjamin, David, Marietta and occasionally Angela. Because of his mood, sad in the face of exquisite beauty, she also was subdued. She said little, listening to Eugene and her father, but when she did talk her voice was sweet.
At dinner, he hardly touched the food in front of him; he was more focused on the group at the table as if they were a performance. Afterward, he sat with the family on the lawn outside the door, inhaling the scent of flowers, gazing at the stars peeking through the trees, and listening to Jotham and Mrs. Blue, along with Samuel, Benjamin, David, Marietta, and occasionally Angela. Because of his mood, feeling sad in the presence of such exquisite beauty, she was also quiet. She spoke little, listening to Eugene and her father, but when she did say something, her voice was sweet.
Jotham arose, after a time, and went to bed, and one by one the others followed. David and Marietta went into the sitting room and then Samuel and Benjamin left. They gave as an excuse hard work for the morning. Samuel was going to try his hand again at thrashing. Eugene took Angela by the hand and led her out where some hydrangeas were blooming, white as snow by day, but pale and silvery in the dark. He took her face in his hands, telling her again of love.
Jotham got up after a while and went to bed, and one by one, the others followed. David and Marietta entered the living room, and then Samuel and Benjamin left. They claimed they needed to rest after a long day’s work. Samuel planned to try thrashing again. Eugene took Angela's hand and led her to where the hydrangeas were blooming, white as snow during the day, but pale and silvery at night. He cupped her face in his hands, telling her once more about his love.
"It's been such a wonderful day I'm all wrought up," he said. "Life is so beautiful here. This place is so sweet and peaceful. And you! oh, you!" kisses ended his words.
"It's been such an amazing day, I'm all worked up," he said. "Life is so beautiful here. This place is so lovely and calm. And you! oh, you!" Kisses ended his words.
They stood there a little while, then went back into the parlor where she lighted a lamp. It cast a soft yellow glow over the room, just enough to make it warm, he thought. They sat first side by side on two rocking chairs and then later on a settee, he holding her in his arms. Before supper she had changed to a loose cream colored house gown. Now Eugene persuaded her to let her hair hang in the two braids.
They stood there for a bit, then went back into the living room where she turned on a lamp. It gave off a soft yellow light that made the room feel cozy, he thought. They first sat next to each other in two rocking chairs, and later on a couch, with him holding her in his arms. Before dinner, she had changed into a loose cream-colored house dress. Now Eugene convinced her to let her hair hang in two braids.
[Pg 126] Real passion is silent. It was so intense with him that he sat contemplating her as if in a spell. She leaned back against his shoulder stroking his hair, but finally ceased even that, for her own feeling was too intense to make movement possible. She thought of him as a young god, strong, virile, beautiful—a brilliant future before him. All these years she had waited for someone to truly love her and now this splendid youth had apparently cast himself at her feet. He stroked her hands, her neck, cheeks, then slowly gathered her close and buried his head against her bosom.
[Pg 126] True passion is quiet. It was so powerful for him that he just sat there, lost in thought about her. She leaned back against his shoulder, running her fingers through his hair, but eventually stopped even that because her emotions were too strong for any movement. She saw him as a young god—strong, masculine, handsome—with a bright future ahead. All those years she had waited for someone to love her fiercely, and now this amazing young man had seemingly thrown himself at her feet. He caressed her hands, her neck, her cheeks, then gently pulled her close and buried his head against her chest.
Angela was strong in convention, in the precepts of her parents, in the sense of her family and its attitude, but this situation was more than she could resist. She accepted first the pressure of his arm, then the slow subtlety with which he caressed her. Resistance seemed almost impossible now for he held her close—tight within the range of his magnetism. When finally she felt the pressure of his hand upon her quivering limbs, she threw herself back in a transport of agony and delight.
Angela was grounded in tradition, following her parents' beliefs and the values of her family, but this situation was beyond her control. She first felt the pressure of his arm around her, then the subtle way he caressed her. Resisting him felt nearly impossible now as he held her close—tightly within his magnetic pull. When she finally felt his hand on her trembling limbs, she leaned back in a mix of pain and pleasure.
"No, no, Eugene," she begged. "No, no! Save me from myself. Save me from myself. Oh, Eugene!"
"No, no, Eugene," she pleaded. "No, no! Help me escape from myself. Help me escape from myself. Oh, Eugene!"
He paused a moment to look at her face. It was wrought in lines of intense suffering—pale as though she were ill. Her body was quite limp. Only the hot, moist lips told the significant story. He could not stop at once. Slowly he drew his hand away, then let his sensitive artists' fingers rest gently on her neck—her bosom.
He paused for a moment to look at her face. It was marked with signs of deep pain—pale as if she were sick. Her body was completely limp. Only her hot, moist lips revealed the important truth. He couldn’t pull away immediately. Slowly, he drew his hand back, then let his sensitive artist’s fingers rest gently on her neck—on her chest.
She struggled lamely at this point and slipped to her knees, her dress loosened at the neck.
She struggled weakly at this point and fell to her knees, her dress loose at the neck.
"Don't, Eugene," she begged, "don't. Think of my father, my mother. I, who have boasted so. I of whom they feel so sure. Oh, Eugene, I beg of you!"
"Please, Eugene," she pleaded, "don't. Think about my dad, my mom. I, who have bragged so much. I, whom they trust so completely. Oh, Eugene, I'm begging you!"
He stroked her hair, her cheeks, looking into her face as Abélard might have looked at Héloïse.
He gently caressed her hair and cheeks, gazing into her face like Abélard might have gazed at Héloïse.
"Oh, I know why it is," she exclaimed, convulsively. "I am no better than any other, but I have waited so long, so long! But I mustn't! Oh, Eugene, I mustn't! Help me!"
"Oh, I get it now," she said, shaking. "I'm no better than anyone else, but I've waited for so long, for so long! But I can't! Oh, Eugene, I can't! Please help me!"
Vaguely Eugene understood. She had been without lovers. Why? he thought. She was beautiful. He got up, half intending to carry her to his room, but he paused, thinking. She was such a pathetic figure. Was he really as bad as this? Could he not be fair in this one instance? Her father had been so nice to him—her mother—He saw Jotham Blue before him, Mrs. Blue, her admiring brothers and sisters, as they had been a little while before. He looked at her and still the prize lured [Pg 127] him—almost swept him on in spite of himself, but he stayed.
Vaguely, Eugene understood. She had been without lovers. Why? he thought. She was beautiful. He got up, half planning to carry her to his room, but paused, considering. She was such a sad figure. Was he really as bad as this? Could he not be fair in this one situation? Her father had been so nice to him—her mother—He saw Jotham Blue in his mind, Mrs. Blue, her admiring siblings, just as they had been a little while ago. He looked at her and still the prize tempted him—almost pulled him in despite himself, but he held back. [Pg 127]
"Stand up, Angela," he said at last, pulling himself together, looking at her intensely. She did so. "Leave me now," he went on, "right away! I won't answer for myself if you don't. I am really trying. Please go."
"Stand up, Angela," he finally said, gathering himself and staring at her intently. She complied. "Leave me now," he continued, "immediately! I can’t be responsible for what happens if you don’t. I’m seriously trying. Please go."
She paused, looking at him fearfully, regretfully.
She stopped, staring at him with a mix of fear and regret.
"Oh, forgive me, Eugene," she pleaded.
"Oh, please forgive me, Eugene," she begged.
"Forgive me," he said. "I'm the one. But you go now, sweet. You don't know how hard this is. Help me by going."
"Forgive me," he said. "I’m the one. But you need to go now, sweet. You have no idea how tough this is. Please help me by leaving."
She moved away and he followed her with his eyes, yearningly, burningly, until she reached the door. When she closed it softly he went into his own room and sat down. His body was limp and weary. He ached from head to foot from the intensity of the mood he had passed through. He went over the recent incidents, almost stunned by his experience and then went outside and stood under the stairs, listening. Tree toads were chirping, there were suspicious cracklings in the grass as of bugs stirring. A duck quacked somewhere feebly. The bell of the family cow tinkled somewhere over near the water of the little stream. He saw the great dipper in the sky, Sirius, Canopus, the vast galaxy of the Milky Way.
She walked away, and he watched her with longing until she reached the door. When she softly closed it, he went into his room and sat down. His body felt weak and tired. He was sore all over from the intensity of the emotions he'd just experienced. He replayed the recent events in his mind, feeling dazed by what had happened, then stepped outside and stood under the stairs, listening. Tree frogs were chirping, and he heard suspicious rustling in the grass from insects moving around. A duck quacked faintly somewhere nearby. The bell on the family cow jingled over by the little stream. He looked up at the sky and saw the Big Dipper, Sirius, Canopus, and the vast expanse of the Milky Way.
"What is life anyway?" he asked himself. "What is the human body? What produces passion? Here we are for a few years surging with a fever of longing and then we burn out and die." He thought of some lines he might write, of pictures he might paint. All the while, reproduced before his mind's eye like a cinematograph, were views of Angela as she had been tonight in his arms, on her knees. He had seen her true form. He had held her in his arms. He had voluntarily resigned her charms for tonight; anyhow, no harm had come. It never should.
"What is life, anyway?" he wondered. "What is the human body? What creates passion? We exist for just a few years, filled with intense longing, and then we fade away and die." He thought about some lines he could write, some pictures he could paint. All the while, images of Angela as she had been in his arms tonight played in his mind like a movie, on her knees. He had seen her true self. He had held her close. He had willingly given up her charms for tonight; anyway, nothing bad happened. It never should.
CHAPTER XIX
It would be hard to say in what respect, if any, the experiences of this particular night altered Eugene's opinion of Angela. He was inclined to like her better for what he would have called her humanness. Thus frankly to confess her weakness and inability to save herself was splendid. That he was given the chance to do a noble deed was fortunate and uplifting. He knew now that he could take her if he wished, but once calm again he resolved to be fair and not to insist. He could wait.
It’s difficult to say how, if at all, that night changed Eugene’s view of Angela. He found himself liking her more for what he considered her humanity. Her honest admission of her weakness and inability to save herself was impressive. It felt fortunate and uplifting for him to have the opportunity to do something noble. He realized he could act on his feelings for her if he wanted, but once he calmed down, he decided to be fair and not push the issue. He could wait.
The state of Angela's mind, on the contrary, once she had come out of her paroxysm and gained the privacy of her own room, or rather the room she shared with Marietta at the other extreme of the house, was pitiable. She had for so long considered herself an estimable and virtuous girl. There was in her just a faint trace of prudery which might readily have led to an unhappy old maid existence for her if Eugene, with his superiority, or non-understanding, or indifference to conventional theories and to old-maidish feelings, had not come along and with his customary blindness to material prosperity and age limitations, seized upon and made love to her. He had filled her brain with a whirlwind of notions hitherto unfamiliar to her world and set himself up in her brain as a law unto himself. He was not like other men—she could see that. He was superior to them. He might not make much money, being an artist, but he could make other things which to her seemed more desirable. Fame, beautiful pictures, notable friends, were not these things far superior to money? She had had little enough money in all conscience, and if Eugene made anything at all it would be enough for her. He seemed to be under the notion that he needed a lot to get married, whereas she would have been glad to risk it on almost anything at all.
The state of Angela's mind, on the other hand, once she had come out of her fit and returned to the privacy of her own room—or rather, the room she shared with Marietta at the far end of the house—was pitiful. She had always thought of herself as an admirable and virtuous girl. There was just a hint of prudery in her that could have easily led to a lonely old maid life if Eugene, with his confidence, lack of understanding, or indifference to conventional ideas and old-maid feelings, hadn't come along and, completely oblivious to material success and age limits, pursued and loved her. He had filled her head with a whirlwind of ideas that were completely new to her, establishing himself in her mind as a law unto himself. He wasn’t like other men—she could see that. He was above them. He might not earn much money as an artist, but he could create other things that seemed far more valuable to her. Fame, beautiful paintings, notable friends—weren't those things much better than money? She had barely enough money herself, and if Eugene made anything at all, it would be sufficient for her. He seemed to think that he needed a lot to get married, while she would have been happy to take the risk on just about anything.
This latest revelation of herself, besides tearing her mind from a carefully nurtured belief in her own virtuous impregnability, raised at the same time a spectre of disaster in so far as Eugene's love for her was concerned. Would he, now that she had allowed him those precious endearments which should have been reserved for the marriage bed only, care for her as much as he had before? Would he not think of her as a light minded, easily spoiled creature who was waiting only [Pg 129] for a propitious moment to yield herself? She had been lost to all sense of right and wrong in that hour, that she knew. Her father's character and what he stood for, her mother's decency and love of virtue, her cleanly-minded, right-living brothers and sisters,—all had been forgotten and here she was, a tainted maiden, virtuous in technical sense it is true, but tainted. Her convention-trained conscience smote her vigorously and she groaned in her heart. She went outside the door of her own room and sat down on the damp grass in the early morning to think. It was so cool and calm everywhere but in her own soul. She held her face in her hands, feeling her hot cheeks, wondering what Eugene was thinking now. What would her father think, her mother? She wrung her hands more than once and finally went inside to see if she could not rest. She was not unconscious of the beauty and joy of the episode, but she was troubled by what she felt she ought to think, what the consequences to her future might be. To hold Eugene now—that was a subtle question. To hold up her head in front of him as she had, could she? To keep him from going further. It was a difficult situation and she tossed restlessly all night, getting little sleep. In the morning she arose weary and disturbed, but more desperately in love than ever. This wonderful youth had revealed an entirely new and intensely dramatic world to her.
This latest revelation about herself, besides breaking her belief in her own pure resilience, brought up the possibility of disaster regarding Eugene's feelings for her. Now that she had allowed him those special affections that should have been saved for marriage, would he still care for her as much as he did before? Would he see her as a frivolous, easily influenced person waiting for the right moment to give in? She had fully disregarded all sense of right and wrong in that moment, she knew that. Her father's integrity and what he represented, her mother's decency and commitment to virtue, her clean-minded and upstanding siblings—she had forgotten them all, and here she was, a tainted girl, technically virtuous, it's true, but still tainted. Her conscience, shaped by convention, hit her hard, and she sighed deeply in her heart. She stepped outside her room and sat down on the damp grass in the early morning to think. It was cool and peaceful everywhere except in her soul. She buried her face in her hands, feeling her flushed cheeks, wondering what Eugene was thinking now. What would her father think? Her mother? She wrung her hands multiple times and eventually went back inside to see if she could find some rest. She wasn’t blind to the beauty and joy of the moment, but she was troubled by what she felt she should think and what the consequences for her future might be. To hold onto Eugene now—that was a complicated issue. Could she hold her head high in front of him as she had before? Could she prevent him from going any further? It was a tough situation, and she tossed and turned all night, getting little sleep. In the morning, she woke up exhausted and anxious, but more desperately in love than ever. This wonderful young man had introduced her to a completely new and intensely dramatic world.
When they met on the lawn again before breakfast, Angela was garbed in white linen. She looked waxen and delicate and her eyes showed dark rings as well as the dark thoughts that were troubling her. Eugene took her hand sympathetically.
When they met on the lawn again before breakfast, Angela was dressed in white linen. She looked pale and fragile, and her eyes had dark circles from the troubling thoughts on her mind. Eugene took her hand with sympathy.
"Don't worry," he said, "I know. It isn't as bad as you think." And he smiled tenderly.
"Don't worry," he said, "I get it. It's not as bad as you think." And he smiled warmly.
"Oh, Eugene, I don't understand myself now," she said sorrowfully. "I thought I was better than that."
"Oh, Eugene, I don’t even understand myself right now," she said sadly. "I thought I was better than this."
"We're none of us better than that," he replied simply. "We just think we are sometimes. You are not any different to me. You just think you are."
"We're not any better than that," he said plainly. "We just sometimes believe we are. You're no different from me. You just think you are."
"Oh, are you sure?" she asked eagerly.
"Oh, are you sure?" she asked eagerly.
"Quite sure," he replied. "Love isn't a terrible thing between any two. It's just lovely. Why should I think worse of you?"
"Of course," he said. "Love isn't a bad thing between any two people. It's just beautiful. Why should I think negatively of you?"
"Oh, because good girls don't do what I have done. I have been raised to know better—to do better."
"Oh, because good girls don't do what I've done. I was raised to know better—to do better."
"All a belief, my dear, which you get from what has been taught you. You think it wrong. Why? Because your father and mother told you so. Isn't that it?"
"That's just a belief, my dear, formed by what you've been taught. You think it's wrong. Why? Because your parents said so. Isn't that right?"
[Pg 130] "Oh, not that alone. Everybody thinks it's wrong. The Bible teaches that it is. Everybody turns his back on you when he finds out."
[Pg 130] "Oh, it’s not just that. Everyone believes it’s wrong. The Bible says it is. People turn their backs on you when they find out."
"Wait a minute," pleaded Eugene argumentatively. He was trying to solve this puzzle for himself. "Let's leave the Bible out of it, for I don't believe in the Bible—not as a law of action anyhow. The fact that everybody thinks it's wrong wouldn't necessarily make it so, would it?" He was ignoring completely the significance of everybody as a reflection of those principles which govern the universe.
"Hold on a second," Eugene argued. He was trying to figure this out on his own. "Let's not get into the Bible, because I don't see it as a guide for action. Just because everyone thinks it's wrong doesn't automatically make it true, right?" He completely overlooked the importance of everyone as a reflection of the principles that govern the universe.
"No-o-o," ventured Angela doubtfully.
"No," Angela said doubtfully.
"Listen," went on Eugene. "Everybody in Constantinople believes that Mahomet is the Prophet of God. That doesn't make him so, does it?"
"Listen," continued Eugene. "Everyone in Constantinople thinks that Mahomet is the Prophet of God. That doesn't make it true, does it?"
"No."
"No."
"Well, then, everyone here might believe that what we did last night was wrong without making it so. Isn't that true?"
"Well, then, everyone here might think that what we did last night was wrong without it actually being so. Isn't that right?"
"Yes," replied Angela confusedly. She really did not know. She could not argue with him. He was too subtle, but her innate principles and instincts were speaking plainly enough, nevertheless.
"Yeah," Angela replied, feeling confused. She truly had no idea. She couldn't argue with him. He was too clever, but her natural principles and instincts were making themselves clear, nonetheless.
"Now what you're really thinking about is what people will do. They'll turn their backs on you, you say. That is a practical matter. Your father might turn you out of doors—"
"Now what you're really thinking about is what people will do. They'll turn their backs on you, you say. That's a practical concern. Your father might throw you out of the house—"
"I think he would," replied Angela, little understanding the bigness of the heart of her father.
"I think he would," replied Angela, not fully grasping the depth of her father's heart.
"I think he wouldn't," said Eugene, "but that's neither here nor there. Men might refuse to marry you. Those are material considerations. You wouldn't say they had anything to do with real right or wrong, would you?"
"I don't think he would," Eugene said, "but that’s not really the point. Some guys might turn you down for marriage. Those are practical concerns. You wouldn’t say they relate to true right or wrong, would you?"
Eugene had no convincing end to his argument. He did not know any more than anyone else what was right or wrong in this matter. He was merely talking to convince himself, but he had enough logic to confuse Angela.
Eugene had no solid conclusion to his argument. He didn't know any more than anyone else what was right or wrong in this situation. He was just trying to convince himself, but he had enough reasoning to confuse Angela.
"I don't know," she said vaguely.
"I don't know," she said, sounding unclear.
"Right," he went on loftily, "is something which is supposed to be in accordance with a standard of truth. Now no one in all the world knows what truth is, no one. There is no way of telling. You can only act wisely or unwisely as regards your personal welfare. If that's what you're worrying about, and it is, I can tell you that you're no worse off. There's nothing the matter with your welfare. I think you're better off, for I like you better."
"Right," he continued with an air of superiority, "is something that's meant to align with a standard of truth. But no one in the world actually knows what truth is, no one. There's no way to figure it out. You can only act wisely or foolishly regarding your personal well-being. If that's what's on your mind, and it is, I can assure you that you're no worse off. Your well-being is just fine. In fact, I think you're better off because I like you more."
Angela wondered at the subtlety of his brain. She was not [Pg 131] sure but that what he said might be true. Could her fears be baseless? She felt sure she had lost some of the bloom of her youth anyhow.
Angela marveled at the complexity of his mind. She wasn't sure, but she thought what he said could be true. Could her fears really be unfounded? She felt certain she'd lost some of the vitality of her youth regardless.
"How can you?" she asked, referring to his saying that he liked her better.
"How can you?" she asked, referring to him saying that he liked her more.
"Easily enough," he replied. "I know more about you. I admire your frankness. You're lovely—altogether so. You are sweet beyond compare." He started to particularize.
"Easily enough," he replied. "I know more about you. I admire your honesty. You're beautiful—truly so. You're incredibly sweet." He began to elaborate.
"Don't, Eugene," she pleaded, putting her finger over her lips. The color was leaving her cheeks. "Please don't, I can't stand it."
"Don't, Eugene," she begged, placing her finger over her lips. The color drained from her cheeks. "Please don't, I can't take it."
"All right," he said, "I won't. But you're altogether lovely. Let's go and sit in the hammock."
"Okay," he said, "I won't. But you're absolutely beautiful. Let's go sit in the hammock."
"No. I'm going to get you your breakfast. It's time you had something."
"No. I'm going to get you breakfast. It's time you had something."
He took comfort in his privileges, for the others had all gone. Jotham, Samuel, Benjamin and David were in the fields. Mrs. Blue was sewing and Marietta had gone to see a girl friend up the road. Angela, as Ruby before her, bestirred herself about the youth's meal, mixing biscuit, broiling him some bacon, cleaning a basket of fresh dewberries for him.
He found solace in his advantages, since everyone else had left. Jotham, Samuel, Benjamin, and David were in the fields. Mrs. Blue was sewing, and Marietta had gone to visit a friend up the road. Angela, like Ruby before her, busied herself with preparing the young man's meal, mixing dough for biscuits, frying him some bacon, and cleaning a basket of fresh dewberries for him.
"I like your man," said her mother, coming out where she was working. "He looks to be good-natured. But don't spoil him. If you begin wrong you'll be sorry."
"I like your guy," said her mom, stepping out from where she was busy. "He seems good-natured. But don't spoil him. If you start off on the wrong foot, you'll regret it."
"You spoiled papa, didn't you?" asked Angela sagely, recalling all the little humorings her father had received.
"You spoiled Dad, didn't you?" asked Angela wisely, thinking about all the little indulgences her father had received.
"Your father has a keen sense of duty," retorted her mother. "It didn't hurt him to be spoiled a little."
"Your dad has a strong sense of responsibility," her mother shot back. "It didn’t hurt him to be pampered a bit."
"Maybe Eugene has," replied her daughter, turning her slices of bacon.
"Maybe Eugene has," her daughter replied, flipping her slices of bacon.
Her mother smiled. All her daughters had married well. Perhaps Angela was doing the best of all. Certainly her lover was the most distinguished. Yet, "well to be careful," she suggested.
Her mother smiled. All her daughters had married well. Maybe Angela was doing the best of all. For sure, her partner was the most distinguished. Still, "it's good to be careful," she advised.
Angela thought. If her mother only knew, or her father. Dear Heaven! And yet Eugene was altogether lovely. She wanted to wait on him, to spoil him. She wished she could be with him every day from now on—that they need not part any more.
Angela thought. If her mom only knew, or her dad. Dear God! And yet Eugene was completely wonderful. She wanted to take care of him, to pamper him. She wished she could be with him every day from now on—that they wouldn’t have to say goodbye anymore.
"Oh, if he would only marry me," she sighed. It was the one divine event which would complete her life.
“Oh, if he would just marry me,” she sighed. It was the one perfect thing that would complete her life.
Eugene would have liked to linger in this atmosphere indefinitely. Old Jotham, he found, liked to talk to him. He took an interest in national and international affairs, was aware [Pg 132] of distinguished and peculiar personalities, seemed to follow world currents everywhere. Eugene began to think of him as a distinguished personality in himself, but old Jotham waved the suggestion blandly aside.
Eugene would have liked to stay in this atmosphere forever. Old Jotham, he discovered, enjoyed talking to him. He was interested in national and international issues, knew about notable and unique individuals, and seemed to keep up with global trends everywhere. Eugene started to see him as a distinguished person in his own right, but old Jotham brushed off the idea casually.
"I'm a farmer," he said. "I've seen my greatest success in raising good children. My boys will do well, I know."
"I'm a farmer," he said. "I've had my biggest success in raising great kids. I know my boys will turn out well."
For the first time Eugene caught the sense of fatherhood, of what it means to live again in your children, but only vaguely. He was too young, too eager for a varied life, too lustful. So its true import was lost for the time.
For the first time, Eugene felt the idea of fatherhood, of what it means to relive your life through your children, but only vaguely. He was too young, too eager for an exciting life, too driven by desire. So its true significance was lost on him for the moment.
Sunday came and with it the necessity to leave. He had been here nine days, really two days more than he had intended to stay. It was farewell to Angela, who had come so close, so much in his grasp that she was like a child in his hands. It was farewell, moreover, to an ideal scene, a bit of bucolic poetry. When would he see again an old patriarch like Jotham, clean, kindly, intelligent, standing upright amid his rows of corn, proud to be a good father, not ashamed to be poor, not afraid to be old or to die. Eugene had drawn so much from him. It was like sitting at the feet of Isaiah. It was farewell to the lovely fields and the blue hills, the long rows of trees down the lawn walk, the white and red and blue flowers about the dooryard. He had slept so sweetly in his clean room, he had listened so joyously to the voices of birds, the wood dove and the poet thrush; he had heard the water in the Blue's branch rippling over its clean pebbles. The pigs in the barnyard pen, the horses, the cows, all had appealed to him. He thought of Gray's "Elegy"—of Goldsmith's "Deserted Village" and "The Traveller." This was something like the things those men had loved.
Sunday arrived, and with it came the time to leave. He had been here for nine days, really two days more than he had planned to stay. It was goodbye to Angela, who had felt so close, almost like a child in his hands. It was also goodbye to an ideal setting, a piece of pastoral beauty. When would he see an old man like Jotham again, clean, kind, smart, standing tall among his rows of corn, proud to be a good father, unashamed of being poor, and unafraid of getting old or dying? Eugene had learned so much from him. It was like sitting at the feet of Isaiah. It was farewell to the beautiful fields and blue hills, the long rows of trees lining the driveway, and the white, red, and blue flowers around the yard. He had slept so soundly in his clean room, joyfully listening to the birds, the wood dove, and the poet thrush; he had heard the water in the Blue's branch gently flowing over its smooth pebbles. The pigs in the barnyard, the horses, the cows, all had a special appeal to him. He thought of Gray's "Elegy," Goldsmith's "Deserted Village," and "The Traveller." This was something like the things those men had cherished.
He walked down the lawn with Angela, when the time came, repeating how sorry he was to go. David had hitched up a little brown mare and was waiting at the extreme end of the lawn.
He strolled across the lawn with Angela as the moment arrived, expressing how sorry he was to leave. David had harnessed a small brown mare and was waiting at the far end of the lawn.
"Oh, Sweet," he sighed. "I shall never be happy until I have you."
"Oh, Sweet," he sighed. "I won't be happy until I have you."
"I will wait," sighed Angela, although she was wishing to exclaim: "Oh, take me, take me!" When he was gone she went about her duties mechanically, for it was as if all the fire and joy had gone out of her life. Without this brilliant imagination of his to illuminate things, life seemed dull.
"I'll wait," sighed Angela, even though she really wanted to shout, "Oh, take me, take me!" Once he left, she went through her tasks automatically, as if all the passion and happiness had been drained from her life. Without his vibrant imagination to brighten everything, life felt boring.
And he rode, parting in his mind with each lovely thing as he went—the fields of wheat, the little stream, Lake Okoonee, the pretty Blue farmhouse, all.
And he rode, saying goodbye in his mind to each beautiful thing as he passed—the fields of wheat, the little stream, Lake Okoonee, the charming Blue farmhouse, everything.
[Pg 133] He said to himself: "Nothing more lovely will ever come again. Angela in my arms in her simple little parlor. Dear God! and there are only seventy years of life—not more than ten or fifteen of true youth, all told."
[Pg 133] He thought to himself, "Nothing more beautiful will ever happen again. Angela in my arms in her cozy little living room. Dear God! And there's just seventy years of life—no more than ten or fifteen years of true youth, at best."
CHAPTER XX
Eugene carried home with him not only a curiously deepened feeling for Angela, due to their altered and more intimate relationship, but moreover a growing respect for her family. Old Jotham was so impressive a figure of a man; his wife so kindly and earnest. Their attitude toward their children and to each other was so sound, and their whole relationship to society so respectable. Another observer might have been repelled by the narrowness and frugality of their lives. But Eugene had not known enough of luxury to be scornful of the material simplicity of such existence. Here he had found character, poetry of location, poetry of ambition, youth and happy prospects. These boys, so sturdy and independent, were sure to make for themselves such places in the world as they desired. Marietta, so charming a girl, could not but make a good marriage. Samuel was doing well in his position with the railroad company; Benjamin was studying to be a lawyer and David was to be sent to West Point. He liked them for their familiar, sterling worth. And they all treated him as the destined husband of Angela. By the end of his stay he had become as much en rapport with the family as if he had known it all his life.
Eugene came home with not just a deeper feeling for Angela, thanks to their changed and closer relationship, but also a growing respect for her family. Old Jotham was such an impressive man; his wife was so kind and sincere. Their approach to their children and to each other was so healthy, and their entire relationship with society was so respectable. While another observer might have been put off by the narrowness and simplicity of their lives, Eugene hadn’t experienced enough luxury to look down on the material simplicity of their existence. Here, he found character, a sense of place, ambition, youth, and promising futures. These boys, sturdy and independent, were sure to carve out the lives they wanted. Marietta, such a charming girl, was bound to make a good marriage. Samuel was doing well at the railroad company; Benjamin was studying to become a lawyer, and David was set to go to West Point. He admired them for their genuine, solid qualities. They all treated him as if he were meant to be Angela's husband. By the time he left, he felt as connected to the family as if he had known them his whole life.
Before going back to New York he had stopped in Chicago, where he had seen Howe and Mathews grinding away at their old tasks, and then for a few days in Alexandria, where he found his father busy about his old affairs. Sewing machines were still being delivered by him in person, and the long roads of the country were as briskly traversed by his light machine-carrying buggy as in his earliest days. Eugene saw him now as just a little futile, and yet he admired him, his patience, his industry. The brisk sewing machine agent was considerably impressed by his son's success, and was actually trying to take an interest in art. One evening coming home from the post office he pointed out a street scene in Alexandria as a subject for a painting. Eugene knew that art had only been called to his father's attention by his own efforts. He had noticed these things all his life, no doubt, but attached no significance to them until he had seen his son's work in the magazines. "If you ever paint country things, you ought to paint Cook's Mill, over here by the falls. That's one of the prettiest things I [Pg 135] know anywhere," he said to him one evening, trying to make his son feel the interest he took. Eugene knew the place. It was attractive, a little branch of bright water running at the base of a forty foot wall of red sandstone and finally tumbling down a fifteen foot declivity of grey mossy stones. It was close to a yellow road which carried a good deal of traffic and was surrounded by a company of trees which ornamented it and sheltered it on all sides. Eugene had admired it in his youth as beautiful and peaceful.
Before heading back to New York, he made a stop in Chicago, where he saw Howe and Mathews working hard at their familiar jobs. Then he spent a few days in Alexandria, where he found his father busy with his old business. He was still personally delivering sewing machines, and his light buggy was as energetic on the long country roads as it had been in his early days. Eugene viewed him now as somewhat pointless, yet he admired his patience and dedication. The enthusiastic sewing machine agent was genuinely impressed by his son's success and was even trying to show interest in art. One evening, while returning from the post office, he suggested a street scene in Alexandria as a topic for a painting. Eugene knew that art had only caught his father's attention because of his own efforts. His father had likely noticed these things throughout his life but hadn’t given them much importance until he saw his son's work in the magazines. "If you ever paint rural scenes, you should consider Cook's Mill, over by the falls. It’s one of the prettiest spots I know," he said one evening, trying to share his interest with his son. Eugene was familiar with the place. It was beautiful, with a small stream of bright water at the foot of a forty-foot wall of red sandstone, which cascaded down a fifteen-foot drop of grey, moss-covered stones. It was near a busy yellow road and surrounded by trees that adorned and sheltered it on all sides. Eugene had always found it beautiful and serene in his youth.
"It is nice," he replied to his father. "I'll take a look at it some day."
"It’s nice," he told his dad. "I’ll check it out one day."
Witla senior felt set up. His son was doing him honor. Mrs. Witla, like her husband, was showing the first notable traces of the flight of time. The crow's-feet at the sides of her eyes were deeper, the wrinkles in her forehead longer. At the sight of Eugene the first night she fairly thrilled, for he was so well developed now, so self-reliant. He had come through his experiences to a kind of poise which she realized was manhood. Her boy, requiring her careful guidance, was gone. This was someone who could guide her, tease her as a man would a child.
Witla senior felt like he was being set up. His son was honoring him. Mrs. Witla, just like her husband, was showing the first clear signs of aging. The crow's-feet at the corners of her eyes were more pronounced, and the wrinkles on her forehead were deeper. When she saw Eugene that first night, she was genuinely thrilled because he had matured so much, showing such confidence. He had come through his experiences with a kind of calmness that she recognized as manhood. Her boy, who had once needed her careful guidance, was gone. This was someone who could lead her, tease her like a man would a child.
"You've got so big I hardly know you," she said, as he folded her in his arms.
"You've grown so much that I barely recognize you," she said, as he pulled her into his arms.
"No, you're just getting little, ma. I used to think I'd never get to the point where you couldn't shake me, but that's all over, isn't it?"
"No, you're just getting older, Mom. I used to think I'd never reach a point where you couldn't count on me, but that's all changed now, hasn't it?"
"You never did need much shaking," she said fondly.
"You never really needed much persuasion," she said affectionately.
Myrtle, who had married Frank Bangs the preceding year, had gone with her husband to live in Ottumwa, Iowa, where he had taken charge of a mill, so Eugene did not see her, but he spent some little time with Sylvia, now the mother of two children. Her husband was the same quiet, conservative plodder Eugene had first noted him to be. Revisiting the office of the Appeal he found that John Summers had recently died. Otherwise things were as they had been. Jonas Lyle and Caleb Williams were still in charge—quite the same as before. Eugene was glad when his time was up, and took the train back to Chicago with a light heart.
Myrtle, who had married Frank Bangs the year before, had moved with her husband to Ottumwa, Iowa, where he had taken over a mill, so Eugene didn’t get to see her. However, he spent some time with Sylvia, who was now the mother of two kids. Her husband was still the same quiet, conservative worker Eugene had first noticed. When he visited the office of the Appeal, he found out that John Summers had recently passed away. Other than that, things were the same as before. Jonas Lyle and Caleb Williams were still in charge, just like always. Eugene felt glad when his time was up and took the train back to Chicago with a light heart.
Again as on his entrance to Chicago from the East, and on his return to it from Blackwood, he was touched keenly by the remembrance of Ruby. She had been so sweet to him. His opening art experiences had in a way been centred about her. But in spite of all, he did not want to go out and see her. Or did he? He asked himself this question with a pang of sorrow, [Pg 136] for in a way he cared. He cared for her as one might care for a girl in a play or book. She had the quality of a tragedy about her. She—her life, her surroundings, her misfortune in loving him, constituted an artistic composition. He thought he might be able to write a poem about it some time. He was able to write rather charming verse which he kept to himself. He had the knack of saying things in a simple way and with feeling—making you see a picture. The trouble with his verse was that it lacked as yet any real nobility of thought—was not as final in understanding as it might have been.
Again, just like when he entered Chicago from the East and when he returned from Blackwood, he was deeply reminded of Ruby. She had been so sweet to him. His early experiences with art had somehow revolved around her. But despite everything, he didn't want to go out and see her. Or did he? He asked himself this question with a pang of sadness, [Pg 136] because in some way, he cared. He cared for her like one might care for a character in a play or a book. She had a tragic quality to her. Her life, her surroundings, her misfortune in loving him created an artistic narrative. He thought he might be able to write a poem about it someday. He could write rather charming verses that he kept to himself. He had a talent for expressing things simply and with feeling—helping you visualize a scene. The issue with his poetry was that it still lacked any real nobility of thought—it wasn't as profound in understanding as it could have been.
He did not go to see Ruby. The reason he assigned to himself was that it would not be nice. She might not want him to now. She might be trying to forget. And he had Angela. It really wasn't fair to her. But he looked over toward the region in which she lived, as he travelled out of the city eastward and wished that some of those lovely moments he had spent with her might be lived again.
He didn’t go to see Ruby. The reason he gave himself was that it wouldn’t be nice. She might not want to see him now. She might be trying to move on. And he had Angela. It really wasn’t fair to her. But as he headed east out of the city, he glanced over in the direction where she lived and wished that some of those beautiful moments they had together could be lived again.
Back in New York, life seemed to promise a repetition of the preceding year, with some minor modifications. In the fall Eugene went to live with McHugh and Smite, the studio they had consisting of one big working room and three bed-rooms. They agreed that they could get along together, and for a while it was good for them all. The criticism they furnished each other was of real value. And they found it pleasant to dine together, to walk, to see the exhibitions. They stimulated each other with argument, each having a special point of view. It was much as it had been with Howe and Mathews in Chicago.
Back in New York, life seemed set to repeat the previous year, with a few small changes. In the fall, Eugene moved in with McHugh and Smite. Their place had one large workspace and three bedrooms. They agreed they could live together, and for a while, it worked well for all of them. The feedback they gave each other was genuinely helpful. They enjoyed dining together, going for walks, and checking out exhibitions. They motivated each other through discussions, each bringing their unique perspective. It was similar to how things had been with Howe and Mathews in Chicago.
During this winter Eugene made his first appearance in one of the leading publications of the time—Harper's Magazine. He had gone to the Art Director with some proofs of his previous work, and had been told that it was admirable; if some suitable story turned up he would be considered. Later a letter came asking him to call, and a commission involving three pictures for $125 was given him. He worked them out successfully with models and was complimented on the result. His associates cheered him on also, for they really admired what he was doing. He set out definitely to make Scribner's and the Century, as getting into those publications was called, and after a time he succeeded in making an impression on their respective Art Directors, though no notable commissions were given him. From one he secured a poem, rather out of his mood to decorate, and from the other a short story; but somehow he could not feel [Pg 137] that either was a real opportunity. He wanted an appropriate subject or to sell them some of his scenes.
During this winter, Eugene made his first appearance in one of the leading publications of the time—Harper's Magazine. He had gone to the Art Director with some samples of his previous work, and was told that it was impressive; if a suitable story came up, he would be considered. Later, he received a letter asking him to come in, and he was given a commission for three pictures for $125. He successfully completed them with models and received compliments on the result. His colleagues encouraged him as well, because they genuinely admired what he was doing. He set out with the goal of getting into Scribner's and the Century, which was the term for getting published in those magazines, and after a while, he managed to make an impression on their Art Directors, although no significant commissions were offered to him. From one, he secured a poem that didn’t quite match his style for illustration, and from the other, a short story; but somehow he couldn’t shake the feeling that neither was a real opportunity. He wanted an appropriate subject or to sell them some of his scenes.
Building up a paying reputation was slow work. Although he was being mentioned here and there among artists, his name was anything but a significant factor with the public or with the Art Directors. He was still a promising beginner—growing, but not yet arrived by a long distance.
Building a paying reputation took time. Even though he was getting some mentions among artists, his name wasn’t significant to the public or the Art Directors. He was still a promising newcomer—making progress, but definitely not there yet.
There was one editor who was inclined to see him at his real worth, but had no money to offer. This was Richard Wheeler, editor of Craft, a rather hopeless magazine in a commercial sense, but devoted sincerely enough to art. Wheeler was a blond young man of poetic temperament, whose enthusiasm for Eugene's work made it easy for them to become friends.
There was one editor who recognized his true value but didn't have any money to offer. This was Richard Wheeler, editor of Craft, a magazine that was pretty much doomed commercially but was genuinely dedicated to art. Wheeler was a young blond guy with a poetic nature, and his enthusiasm for Eugene's work made it easy for them to become friends.
It was through Wheeler that he met that winter Miriam Finch and Christina Channing, two women of radically different temperaments and professions, who opened for Eugene two entirely new worlds.
It was through Wheeler that he met Miriam Finch and Christina Channing that winter, two women with completely different personalities and careers, who introduced Eugene to two completely new worlds.
Miriam Finch was a sculptor by profession—a critic by temperament, with no great capacity for emotion in herself but an intense appreciation of its significance in others. To see her was to be immediately impressed with a vital force in womanhood. She was a woman who had never had a real youth or a real love affair, but clung to her ideal of both with a passionate, almost fatuous, faith that they could still be brought to pass. Wheeler had invited him to go round to her studio with him one evening. He was interested to know what Eugene would think of her. Miriam, already thirty-two when Eugene met her—a tiny, brown haired, brown eyed girl, with a slender, rather cat-like figure and a suavity of address and manner which was artistic to the finger tips. She had none of that budding beauty that is the glory of eighteen, but she was altogether artistic and delightful. Her hair encircled her head in a fluffy cloudy mass; her eyes moved quickly, with intense intelligence, feeling, humor, sympathy. Her lips were sweetly modelled after the pattern of a Cupid's bow and her smile was subtly ingratiating. Her sallow complexion matched her brown hair and the drab velvet or corduroy of her dress. There was a striking simplicity about the things she wore which gave her a distinctive air. Her clothes were seldom fashionable but always exceedingly becoming, for she saw herself as a whole and arrayed herself as a decorative composition from head to foot, with a sense of fitness in regard to self and life.
Miriam Finch was a sculptor by trade—a critic by nature, with little emotional depth herself but a deep appreciation for its importance in others. Meeting her instantly impressed you with a powerful sense of femininity. She was a woman who had never truly experienced youth or love, yet she held on to her ideals of both with a passionate, almost naive, belief that they could still happen. Wheeler had invited him to visit her studio one evening. He was curious to see what Eugene would think of her. Miriam, already thirty-two when Eugene met her—a petite girl with brown hair and brown eyes, a delicate, somewhat feline figure, and an artistic grace in her demeanor. She lacked the blossoming beauty that comes with being eighteen, but she was entirely artistic and charming. Her hair framed her head in a fluffy, cloud-like style; her eyes darted with keen intelligence, emotion, humor, and empathy. Her lips were beautifully shaped like a Cupid's bow, and her smile was subtly inviting. Her pale complexion harmonized with her brown hair and the muted velvet or corduroy of her dress. The striking simplicity of her attire gave her a unique presence. Her clothes were rarely trendy but always exceptionally flattering, as she viewed herself as a complete artistic piece and dressed accordingly, maintaining a sense of harmony with herself and her life.
To such a nature as Eugene's, an intelligent, artistic, self-regulating and self-poised human being was always intensely [Pg 138] magnetic and gratifying. He turned to the capable person as naturally as a flower turns toward the light, finding a joy in contemplating the completeness and sufficiency of such a being. To have ideas of your own seemed to him a marvellous thing. To be able definitely to formulate your thoughts and reach positive and satisfying conclusions was a great and beautiful thing. From such personalities Eugene drank admiringly until his thirst was satiated—then he would turn away. If his thirst for what they had to give returned, he might come back—not otherwise.
For someone like Eugene, an intelligent, artistic, self-regulating, and self-assured person was always incredibly appealing and fulfilling. He gravitated towards capable individuals just like a flower seeks sunlight, finding joy in appreciating the wholeness and adequacy of such a person. Having your own ideas seemed like an amazing thing to him. The ability to clearly express your thoughts and reach positive, satisfying conclusions was a wonderful and beautiful aspect of life. He would admire and absorb from such personalities until his thirst was quenched—then he would look away. If his desire for what they could offer came back, he might return—not otherwise.
Hitherto all his relationships with personages of this quality had been confined to the male sex, for he had not known any women of distinction. Beginning with Temple Boyle, instructor in the life class in Chicago, and Vincent Beers, instructor in the illustration class, he had encountered successively Jerry Mathews, Mitchell Goldfarb, Peter McHugh, David Smite and Jotham Blue, all men of intense personal feeling and convictions and men who had impressed him greatly. Now he was to encounter for the first time some forceful, really exceptional women of the same calibre. Stella Appleton, Margaret Duff, Ruby Kenny and Angela Blue were charming girls in their way, but they did not think for themselves. They were not organized, self-directed, self-controlled personalities in the way that Miriam Finch was. She would have recognized herself at once as being infinitely superior intellectually and artistically to any or all of them, while entertaining at the same time a sympathetic, appreciative understanding of their beauty, fitness, equality of value in the social scheme. She was a student of life, a critic of emotions and understanding, with keen appreciative intelligence, and yet longing intensely for just what Stella and Margaret and Ruby and even Angela had—youth, beauty, interest for men, the power or magnetism or charm of face and form to compel the impetuous passion of a lover. She wanted to be loved by someone who could love madly and beautifully, and this had never come to her.
Until now, all his relationships with people of this caliber had been with men, as he had not met any distinguished women. Starting with Temple Boyle, the life drawing instructor in Chicago, and Vincent Beers, who taught illustration, he had successively met Jerry Mathews, Mitchell Goldfarb, Peter McHugh, David Smite, and Jotham Blue—men with deep personal feelings and strong convictions who had greatly impressed him. Now, he was about to meet, for the first time, some strong, truly exceptional women of the same level. Stella Appleton, Margaret Duff, Ruby Kenny, and Angela Blue were charming in their own way, but they didn’t think for themselves. They were not organized, self-directed, or self-controlled like Miriam Finch was. Miriam would have instantly recognized herself as intellectually and artistically superior to any of them, while also having a sympathetic, appreciative understanding of their beauty and worth in the social hierarchy. She was a student of life, a critic of emotions and understanding, with sharp, appreciative intelligence, yet she intensely longed for exactly what Stella, Margaret, Ruby, and even Angela had—youth, beauty, interest from men, and the magnetism or charm of appearance that could stir a lover’s passionate feelings. She wanted to be loved by someone capable of loving intensely and beautifully, and this had never happened for her.
Miss Finch's home, or rather studio, was with her family in East Twenty-sixth Street, where she occupied a north room on the third floor, but her presence in the bosom of that family did not prevent her from attaining an individuality and an exclusiveness which was most illuminating to Eugene. Her room was done in silver, brown and grey, with a great wax-festooned candlestick fully five feet high standing in one corner and a magnificent carved chest of early Flemish workmanship standing in another. There was a brown combination writing desk and [Pg 139] book-shelf which was arrayed with some of the most curious volumes—Pater's "Marius the Epicurean," Daudet's "Wives of Men of Genius," Richard Jefferies' "Story of My Heart," Stevenson's "Aes Triplex," "The Kasidah" of Richard Burton, "The House of Life" by Dante Gabriel Rossetti, "Also sprach Zarathustra" by Friedrich Nietzsche. The fact that they were here, after he had taken one look at the woman and the room, was to Eugene sufficient proof that they were important. He handled them curiously, reading odd paragraphs, nosing about, looking at pictures, and making rapid notes in his mental notebook. This was someone worth knowing, he felt that. He wanted to make a sufficiently favorable impression to be permitted to know her better.
Miss Finch's home, or rather her studio, was with her family on East Twenty-sixth Street, where she had a north-facing room on the third floor. However, living with her family didn't stop her from developing her own individuality and exclusiveness, which Eugene found quite enlightening. Her room was decorated in silver, brown, and gray, with a tall wax-adorned candlestick standing five feet high in one corner and a stunning carved chest from early Flemish craftsmanship in another. There was a brown combo writing desk and [Pg 139] bookshelf filled with some of the most interesting volumes—Pater's "Marius the Epicurean," Daudet's "Wives of Men of Genius," Richard Jefferies' "Story of My Heart," Stevenson's "Aes Triplex," "The Kasidah" by Richard Burton, "The House of Life" by Dante Gabriel Rossetti, and "Also sprach Zarathustra" by Friedrich Nietzsche. The mere fact that these books were there, after he had taken a quick look at the woman and her room, was enough proof for Eugene that they were significant. He examined them with curiosity, reading random paragraphs, exploring, looking at pictures, and jotting down notes in his mind. He sensed that she was someone worth knowing. He wanted to make a good impression so that he could get to know her better.
Miriam Finch was at once taken with Eugene. There was such an air of vigor, inquiry, appreciation and understanding about him that she could not help being impressed. He seemed somewhat like a lighted lamp casting a soft, shaded, velvety glow. He went about her room, after his introduction, looking at her pictures, her bronzes and clays, asking after the creator of this, the painter of that, where a third thing came from.
Miriam Finch was immediately drawn to Eugene. He had such an energy, curiosity, appreciation, and understanding that she couldn’t help but be impressed. He felt a bit like a lamp casting a soft, warm glow. After they were introduced, he walked around her room, checking out her pictures, bronzes, and clay pieces, asking about the creator of this one, the painter of that one, and where a third piece came from.
"I never heard of one of these books," he said frankly, when he looked over the small, specially selected collection.
"I've never heard of any of these books," he said honestly as he glanced over the small, carefully chosen collection.
"There are some very interesting things here," she volunteered, coming to his side. His simple confession appealed to her. He was like a breath of fresh air. Richard Wheeler, who had brought him in, made no objection to being neglected. He wanted her to enjoy his find.
"There are some really interesting things here," she said, joining him. His honest admission attracted her. He felt like a breath of fresh air. Richard Wheeler, who had brought him in, didn’t mind being overlooked. He wanted her to appreciate his discovery.
"You know," said Eugene, looking up from Burton's "Kasidah" and into her brown eyes, "New York gets me dizzy. It's so wonderful!"
"You know," said Eugene, looking up from Burton's "Kasidah" and into her brown eyes, "New York makes me feel dizzy. It's so amazing!"
"Just how?" she asked.
"How exactly?" she asked.
"It's so compact of wonderful things. I saw a shop the other day full of old jewelry and ornaments and quaint stones and clothes, and O Heaven! I don't know what all—more things than I had ever seen in my whole life before; and here in this quiet side street and this unpretentious house I find this room. Nothing seems to show on the outside; everything seems crowded to suffocation with luxury or art value on the inside."
"It's filled with amazing stuff. I saw a shop the other day packed with old jewelry, ornaments, unique stones, and clothes, and oh my gosh! I can't even describe it—all the things I've never seen in my life before; and here in this quiet side street and this modest house, I discover this room. Nothing stands out on the outside; everything feels crammed to the brim with luxury or artistic value on the inside."
"Are you talking about this room?" she ventured.
"Are you talking about this room?" she asked.
"Why, yes," he replied.
"Sure," he replied.
"Take note, Mr. Wheeler," she called, over her shoulder to her young editor friend. "This is the first time in my life that I have been accused of possessing luxury. When you write me [Pg 140] up again I want you to give me credit for luxury. I like it."
"Hey, Mr. Wheeler," she said, glancing back at her young editor friend. "This is the first time in my life that someone has accused me of having luxury. When you write me up again, I want you to give me credit for it. I like it."
"I'll certainly do it," said Wheeler.
"I'll definitely do it," said Wheeler.
"Yes. 'Art values' too."
"Yes. 'Art values' as well."
"Yes. 'Art values.' I have it," said Wheeler.
"Yes. 'Art values.' I've got it," Wheeler said.
Eugene smiled. He liked her vivacity. "I know what you mean," she added. "I've felt the same thing about Paris. You go into little unpretentious places there and come across such wonderful things—heaps and heaps of fine clothes, antiques, jewels. Where was it I read such an interesting article about that?"
Eugene smiled. He liked her energy. "I get what you mean," she added. "I've felt the same way about Paris. You walk into these little, unassuming places and find such amazing things—loads of beautiful clothes, antiques, jewelry. Where did I read that fascinating article about it?"
"Not in Craft I hope?" ventured Wheeler.
"Not in Craft, I hope?" ventured Wheeler.
"No, I don't think so. Harper's Bazaar, I believe."
"No, I don't think so. Harper's Bazaar, I believe."
"Oh, pshaw!" exclaimed Wheeler. "Harper's Bazaar! What rot!"
"Oh, come on!" exclaimed Wheeler. "Harper's Bazaar! What nonsense!"
"But that's just what you ought to have. Why don't you do it—right?"
"But that's exactly what you should have. Why don't you do it—correctly?"
"I will," he said.
"I will," he replied.
Eugene went to the piano and turned over a pile of music. Again he came across the unfamiliar, the strange, the obviously distinguished—Grieg's "Arabian Dance"; "Es war ein Traum" by Lassen; "Elegie" by Massenet; "Otidi" by Davydoff; "Nymphs and Shepherds" by Purcell—things whose very titles smacked of color and beauty. Gluck, Sgambati, Rossini, Tschaikowsky—the Italian Scarlatti—Eugene marvelled at what he did not know about music.
Eugene walked over to the piano and sifted through a stack of sheet music. Once again, he stumbled upon pieces that were unfamiliar and intriguing—Grieg's "Arabian Dance"; "Es war ein Traum" by Lassen; "Elegie" by Massenet; "Otidi" by Davydoff; "Nymphs and Shepherds" by Purcell—titles that were full of color and beauty. Gluck, Sgambati, Rossini, Tchaikovsky—the Italian Scarlatti—Eugene was in awe of how much he didn’t know about music.
"Play something," he pleaded, and with a smile Miriam stepped to the piano.
"Play something," he urged, and with a smile, Miriam went over to the piano.
"Do you know 'Es war ein Traum'?" she inquired.
"Do you know 'It was a dream'?" she asked.
"No," said he.
"No," he said.
"That's lovely," put in Wheeler. "Sing it!"
"That's great," Wheeler said. "Sing it!"
Eugene had thought that possibly she sang, but he was not prepared for the burst of color that came with her voice. It was not a great voice, but sweet and sympathetic, equal to the tasks she set herself. She selected her music as she selected her clothes—to suit her capacity. The poetic, sympathetic reminiscence of the song struck home. Eugene was delighted.
Eugene had thought she might sing, but he wasn't ready for the vibrant impact of her voice. It wasn't a powerful voice, but it was sweet and heartfelt, matching the challenges she took on. She chose her music like she chose her clothes—to fit her abilities. The lyrical, emotional nostalgia of the song really resonated. Eugene was thrilled.
"Oh," he exclaimed, bringing his chair close to the piano and looking into her face, "you sing beautifully."
"Oh," he said, pulling his chair closer to the piano and looking into her face, "you sing so beautifully."
She gave him a glittering smile.
She gave him a sparkling smile.
"Now I'll sing anything you want for you if you go on like that."
"Now I'll sing whatever you want for you if you keep acting like that."
"I'm crazy about music," he said; "I don't know anything about it, but I like this sort of thing."
"I'm really into music," he said; "I don't know much about it, but I enjoy this kind of stuff."
[Pg 141] "You like the really good things. I know. So do I."
[Pg 141] "You enjoy the really great things. I know. So do I."
He felt flattered and grateful. They went through "Otidi," "The Nightingale," "Elegie," "The Last Spring"—music Eugene had never heard before. But he knew at once that he was listening to playing which represented a better intelligence, a keener selective judgment, a finer artistic impulse than anyone he had ever known had possessed. Ruby played and Angela, the latter rather well, but neither had ever heard of these things he was sure. Ruby had only liked popular things; Angela the standard melodies—beautiful but familiar. Here was someone who ignored popular taste—was in advance of it. In all her music he had found nothing he knew. It grew on him as a significant fact. He wanted to be nice to her, to have her like him. So he drew close and smiled and she always smiled back. Like the others she liked his face, his mouth, his eyes, his hair.
He felt flattered and grateful. They went through "Otidi," "The Nightingale," "Elegie," "The Last Spring"—music Eugene had never heard before. But he knew right away that he was listening to music that reflected a higher intelligence, a sharper sense of judgment, a more refined artistic impulse than anyone he had ever known possessed. Ruby played, and Angela, the latter quite well, but he was sure neither had ever encountered these pieces. Ruby only liked popular music; Angela preferred the standard melodies—beautiful but familiar. Here was someone who disregarded popular taste—was ahead of it. In all her music, he found nothing he recognized. It struck him as a significant fact. He wanted to be nice to her, to have her like him. So he moved closer and smiled, and she always smiled back. Like the others, she liked his face, his mouth, his eyes, his hair.
"He's charming," she thought, when he eventually left; and his impression of her was of a woman who was notably and significantly distinguished.
"He's charming," she thought, when he finally left; and his impression of her was of a woman who was remarkably and distinctly distinguished.
CHAPTER XXI
But Miriam Finch's family, of which she seemed so independent, had not been without its influence on her. This family was of Middle West origin, and did not understand or sympathize very much with the artistic temperament. Since her sixteenth year, when Miriam had first begun to exhibit a definite striving toward the artistic, her parents had guarded her jealously against what they considered the corrupting atmosphere of the art world. Her mother had accompanied her from Ohio to New York, and lived with her while she studied art in the art school, chaperoning her everywhere. When it became advisable, as she thought, for Miriam to go abroad, she went with her. Miriam's artistic career was to be properly supervised. When she lived in the Latin Quarter in Paris her mother was with her; when she loitered in the atmosphere of the galleries and palaces in Rome it was with her mother at her side. At Pompeii and Herculaneum—in London and in Berlin—her mother, an iron-willed little woman at forty-five at that time, was with her. She was convinced that she knew exactly what was good for her daughter and had more or less made the girl accept her theories. Later, Miriam's personal judgment began to diverge slightly from that of her mother and then trouble began.
But Miriam Finch's family, which she appeared to be so independent from, had still influenced her. This family was from the Midwest and didn't really understand or relate to the artistic temperament. Since she was sixteen, when Miriam first started showing a clear interest in art, her parents had been protective, keeping her away from what they deemed the corrupting environment of the art world. Her mother had traveled with her from Ohio to New York and stayed with her while she studied art at school, chaperoning her everywhere. When her mother thought it was time for Miriam to go abroad, she went along. Miriam's artistic journey was meant to be strictly supervised. While living in the Latin Quarter of Paris, her mother was by her side; when she explored the galleries and palaces in Rome, it was with her mother accompanying her. At Pompeii and Herculaneum—in London and in Berlin—her mother, a determined little woman of forty-five, was with her. She believed she knew exactly what was best for her daughter and had more or less made Miriam accept her views. Eventually, Miriam's own judgment started to differ slightly from her mother's, and that’s when trouble began.
It was vague at first, hardly a definite, tangible thing in the daughter's mind, but later it grew to be a definite feeling that her life was being cramped. She had been warned off from association with this person and that; had been shown the pitfalls that surround the free, untrammelled life of the art studio. Marriage with the average artist was not to be considered. Modelling from the nude, particularly the nude of a man, was to her mother at first most distressing. She insisted on being present and for a long time her daughter thought that was all right. Finally the presence, the viewpoint, the intellectual insistence of her mother, became too irksome, and an open break followed. It was one of those family tragedies which almost kill conservative parents. Mrs. Finch's heart was practically broken.
At first, it was unclear, barely a solid idea in the daughter's mind, but eventually, it became a clear feeling that her life was being restricted. She had been advised against associating with certain people; had been made aware of the dangers surrounding the free, unrestricted life of the art studio. Marrying an average artist was off the table. Modeling from a nude, especially a male nude, was initially very upsetting for her mother. She insisted on being present, and for a long time, her daughter thought that was fine. Eventually, her mother's presence, perspective, and constant insistence became too burdensome, leading to a complete break. It was one of those family tragedies that nearly devastate traditional parents. Mrs. Finch's heart was practically shattered.
The trouble with this break was that it came a little too late for Miriam's happiness. In the stress of this insistent chaperonage she had lost her youth—the period during which she felt she should have had her natural freedom. She had [Pg 143] lost the interest of several men who in her nineteenth, twentieth and twenty-first years had approached her longingly, but who could not stand the criticism of her mother. At twenty-eight when the break came the most delightful love period was over and she felt grieved and resentful.
The problem with this breakup was that it happened a bit too late for Miriam's happiness. In the stress of having a constant chaperone, she had lost her youth—the time when she felt she should have had her natural freedom. She had [Pg 143] lost the interest of several men who had approached her eagerly during her nineteenth, twentieth, and twenty-first years, but who couldn't handle her mother's criticism. By the time she turned twenty-eight and the breakup happened, the most wonderful phase of love was over, and she felt hurt and resentful.
At that time she had insisted on a complete and radical change for herself. She had managed to get, through one art dealer and another, orders for some of her spirited clay figurines. There was a dancing girl, a visualization of one of the moods of Carmencita, a celebrated dancer of the period, which had caught the public fancy—at least the particular art dealer who was handling her work for her had managed to sell some eighteen replicas of it at $175 each. Miss Finch's share of this was $100, each. There was another little thing, a six-inch bronze called "Sleep," which had sold some twenty replicas at $150 each, and was still selling. "The Wind," a figure crouching and huddling as if from cold, was also selling. It looked as though she might be able to make from three to four thousand dollars a year steadily.
At that time, she was adamant about making a complete and radical change in her life. She managed to secure orders for some of her lively clay figurines through various art dealers. There was a dancing girl, capturing one of the moods of Carmencita, a famous dancer of the era, which had garnered public interest—at least the specific art dealer handling her work managed to sell about eighteen replicas of it at $175 each. Miss Finch earned $100 from each sale. There was also a small six-inch bronze titled "Sleep," which sold around twenty replicas at $150 each and continued to sell well. "The Wind," a figure that appeared to be crouching in the cold, was also selling. It seemed she could consistently make between three to four thousand dollars a year.
She demanded of her mother at this time the right to a private studio, to go and come when she pleased, to go about alone wherever she wished, to have men and women come to her private apartment, and be entertained by her in her own manner. She objected to supervision in any form, cast aside criticism and declared roundly that she would lead her own life. She realized sadly while she was doing it, however, that the best was gone—that she had not had the wit or the stamina to do as she pleased at the time she most wanted to do so. Now she would be almost automatically conservative. She could not help it.
She insisted to her mother at that moment that she wanted a private studio, the freedom to come and go as she pleased, to wander alone wherever she wanted, to have men and women visit her private apartment, and to host them in her own way. She rejected any form of supervision, dismissed criticism, and boldly stated that she would live her own life. However, as she was doing this, she sadly realized that the best times were behind her—that she hadn’t had the insight or the strength to do what she wanted at the moments she most wished to. Now, she would almost automatically be more conservative. She couldn’t help it.
Eugene when he first met her felt something of this. He felt the subtlety of her temperament, her philosophic conclusions, what might be called her emotional disappointment. She was eager for life, which seemed to him odd, for she appeared to have so much. By degrees he got it out of her, for they came to be quite friendly and then he understood clearly just how things were.
Eugene, when he first met her, sensed some of this. He recognized the nuance of her character, her philosophical insights, and what could be described as her emotional letdown. She was enthusiastic about life, which he found strange since she seemed to have so much going for her. Gradually, he learned more about her as they became quite friendly, and then he understood exactly how things really were.
By the end of three months and before Christina Channing appeared, Eugene had come to the sanest, cleanest understanding with Miss Finch that he had yet reached with any woman. He had dropped into the habit of calling there once and sometimes twice a week. He had learned to understand her point of view, which was detachedly æsthetic and rather removed from the world of the sensuous. Her ideal of a lover had been fixed [Pg 144] to a certain extent by statues and poems of Greek youth—Hylas, Adonis, Perseus, and by those men of the Middle Ages painted by Millais, Burne-Jones, Dante Gabriel Rossetti and Ford Madox Brown. She had hoped for a youth with a classic outline of face, distinction of form, graciousness of demeanor and an appreciative intellect. He must be manly but artistic. It was a rather high ideal, not readily capable of attainment by a woman already turned thirty, but nevertheless worth dreaming about.
By the end of three months and before Christina Channing showed up, Eugene had reached the most rational and clear understanding with Miss Finch that he had with any woman so far. He had gotten into the routine of visiting her once or sometimes twice a week. He had learned to see things from her perspective, which was artistically detached and somewhat distant from the sensory world. Her idea of a lover was, to some extent, shaped by statues and poems of Greek youths—Hylas, Adonis, Perseus—as well as by those men from the Middle Ages painted by Millais, Burne-Jones, Dante Gabriel Rossetti, and Ford Madox Brown. She envisioned a young man with a classically shaped face, a distinguished build, graceful manners, and a keen intellect. He needed to be both manly and artistic. It was quite a lofty ideal, not easily achievable for a woman who was already over thirty, but still worth dreaming about.
Although she had surrounded herself with talented youth as much as possible—both young men and young women—she had not come across the one. There had been a number of times when, for a very little while, she had imagined she had found him, but had been compelled to see her fancies fail. All the youths she knew had been inclined to fall in love with girls younger than themselves—some to the interesting maidens she had introduced them to. It is hard to witness an ideal turning from yourself, its spiritual counterpart, and fixing itself upon some mere fleshly vision of beauty which a few years will cause to fade. Such had been her fate, however, and she was at times inclined to despair. When Eugene appeared she had almost concluded that love was not for her, and she did not flatter herself that he would fall in love with her. Nevertheless she could not help but be interested in him and look at times with a longing eye at his interesting face and figure. It was so obvious that if he loved at all it would be dramatically, in all probability, beautifully.
Although she had surrounded herself with talented young people as much as possible—both guys and girls—she had not yet found the one. There had been several moments when she thought she had found him, only to watch those hopes fall apart. All the guys she knew seemed to be drawn to younger girls—some to the charming young women she had introduced them to. It’s tough to see your ideal turn away from you, its spiritual match, and focus instead on a mere physical vision of beauty that will fade in a few years. That had been her experience, and at times she felt like giving up. When Eugene showed up, she was almost ready to believe that love wasn’t meant for her, and she didn’t kid herself into thinking he would fall for her. Still, she couldn't help but be drawn to him and occasionally looked at his intriguing face and figure with yearning. It was clear that if he did love anyone, it would be in a dramatic and probably beautiful way.
As time went on she took pains to be agreeable to him. He had, as it were, the freedom of her room. She knew of exhibitions, personalities, movements—in religion, art, science, government, literature. She was inclined to take an interest in socialism, and believed in righting the wrongs of the people. Eugene thought he did, but he was so keenly interested in life as a spectacle that he hadn't as much time to sympathize as he thought he ought to have. She took him to see exhibitions, and to meet people, being rather proud of a boy with so much talent; and she was pleased to find that he was so generally acceptable. People, particularly writers, poets, musicians—beginners in every field, were inclined to remember him. He was an easy talker, witty, quick to make himself at home and perfectly natural. He tried to be accurate in his judgments of things, and fair, but he was young and subject to strong prejudices. He appreciated her friendship, and did not seek to make their relationship more intimate. He knew that only a sincere proposal of marriage [Pg 145] could have won her, and he did not care enough for her for that. He felt himself bound to Angela and, curiously, he felt Miriam's age as a bar between them. He admired her tremendously and was learning in part through her what his ideal ought to be, but he was not drawn sufficiently to want to make love to her.
As time went on, she made an effort to be nice to him. He had, in a way, the freedom to be in her room. She was familiar with exhibitions, influential figures, movements—in religion, art, science, politics, and literature. She was interested in socialism and believed in fixing the injustices faced by people. Eugene thought he was too, but he was so focused on life as a spectacle that he didn't have as much time to feel sympathy as he thought he should. She took him to exhibitions and introduced him to people, feeling proud to be with a boy who had so much talent; and she was happy to see that he was so well-received. People, especially writers, poets, and musicians—newcomers in every field—often remembered him. He was a smooth talker, witty, quick to settle in, and completely natural. He tried to be fair and accurate in his judgments, but he was young and influenced by strong biases. He valued her friendship and didn't try to make their bond more personal. He knew that only a genuine marriage proposal [Pg 145] could truly win her over, and he didn't care for her enough for that. He felt a connection to Angela and, oddly, he sensed Miriam’s age as a barrier between them. He admired her greatly and was partly learning from her what his ideal should be, but he wasn't attracted enough to want to pursue a romantic relationship with her.
But in Christina Channing, whom he met shortly afterward, he found a woman of a more sensuous and lovable type, though hardly less artistic. Christina Channing was a singer by profession, living also in New York with her mother, but not, as Miss Finch had been, dominated by her so thoroughly, although she was still at the age when her mother could and did have considerable influence with her. She was twenty-seven years of age and so far, had not yet attained the eminence which subsequently was hers, though she was full of that buoyant self-confidence which makes for eventual triumph. So far she had studied ardently under various teachers, had had several love affairs, none serious enough to win her away from her chosen profession, and had gone through the various experiences of those who begin ignorantly to do something in art and eventually reach experience and understanding of how the world is organized and what they will have to do to succeed.
But in Christina Channing, whom he met shortly afterward, he found a woman who was more sensual and lovable, yet still artistic. Christina Channing was a professional singer living in New York with her mother, but unlike Miss Finch, she wasn’t completely dominated by her, even though her mother still held considerable influence over her at the age of twenty-seven. So far, she hadn’t achieved the fame that she would later attain, but she was full of that vibrant self-confidence that leads to eventual success. Up to that point, she had studied passionately with various teachers, experienced several love affairs—none serious enough to distract her from her chosen career—and gone through the motions of those who start off clueless in the art world but eventually gain the experience and understanding needed to navigate it and find success.
Although Miss Channing's artistic sense did not rise to that definite artistic expression in her material surroundings which characterized Miss Finch's studio atmosphere, it went much farther in its expression of her joy in life. Her voice, a rich contralto, deep, full, colorful, had a note of pathos and poignancy which gave a touch of emotion to her gayest songs. She could play well enough to accompany herself with delicacy and emphasis. She was at present one of the soloists with the New York Symphony Orchestra, with the privilege of accepting occasional outside engagements. The following Fall she was preparing to make a final dash to Germany to see if she could not get an engagement with a notable court opera company and so pave the way for a New York success. She was already quite well known in musical circles as a promising operatic candidate and her eventual arrival would be not so much a question of talent as of luck.
Although Miss Channing's artistic sense didn’t match the distinct artistic vibe of Miss Finch's studio, it expressed her joy in life much more deeply. Her voice, a rich contralto that was deep, full, and vibrant, had a touch of sadness and emotion that added depth to her happiest songs. She played well enough to accompany herself with both sensitivity and strength. Currently, she was one of the soloists with the New York Symphony Orchestra and had the option to take on occasional outside gigs. The following Fall, she was preparing to make one last trip to Germany to see if she could secure a position with a notable court opera company, hoping it would lead to success in New York. She was already fairly well-known in musical circles as a promising opera candidate, and her eventual arrival would be more about luck than talent.
While these two women fascinated Eugene for the time being, his feeling for Angela continued unchanged; for though she suffered in an intellectual or artistic comparison, he felt that she was richer emotionally. There was a poignancy in her love letters, an intensity about her personal feelings when in his presence which moved him in spite of himself—an ache went with her which brought a memory of the tales of Sappho and [Pg 146] Marguerite Gautier. It occurred to him now that if he flung her aside it might go seriously with her. He did not actually think of doing anything of the sort, but he was realizing that there was a difference between her and intellectual women like Miriam Finch. Besides that, there was a whole constellation of society women swimming into his ken—women whom he only knew, as yet, through the newspapers and the smart weeklies like Town Topics and Vogue, who were presenting still a third order of perfection. Vaguely he was beginning to see that the world was immense and subtle, and that there were many things to learn about women that he had never dreamed of.
While these two women intrigued Eugene for the moment, his feelings for Angela remained the same; even though she fell short in intellectual or artistic comparison, he sensed that she was emotionally richer. There was an emotional depth in her love letters and an intensity in her feelings when they were together that moved him despite himself—her ache reminded him of the stories of Sappho and [Pg 146] Marguerite Gautier. He realized now that if he pushed her away, it could seriously affect her. He didn’t truly consider doing anything like that, but he was starting to understand that there was a difference between her and intellectual women like Miriam Finch. On top of that, a whole world of society women was coming into view—women he only knew from newspapers and trendy magazines like Town Topics and Vogue, who represented a whole other type of perfection. He was beginning to realize that the world was vast and complex, and there were many things about women that he had never even imagined.
Christina Channing was a rival of Angela's in one sense, that of bodily beauty. She had a tall perfectly rounded form, a lovely oval face, a nut brown complexion with the rosy glow of health showing in cheeks and lips, and a mass of blue black hair. Her great brown eyes were lustrous and sympathetic.
Christina Channing was a rival of Angela's in one way: her looks. She had a tall, perfectly shaped figure, a beautiful oval face, a warm brown complexion with a healthy rosy glow on her cheeks and lips, and a bunch of blue-black hair. Her big brown eyes were shiny and inviting.
Eugene met her through the good offices of Shotmeyer, who had been given by some common friend in Boston a letter of introduction to her. He had spoken of Eugene as being a very brilliant young artist and his friend, and remarked that he would like to bring him up some evening to hear her sing. Miss Channing acquiesced, for she had seen some of his drawings and was struck by the poetic note in them. Shotmeyer, vain of his notable acquaintances—who in fact tolerated him for his amusing gossip—described Miss Channing's voice to Eugene and asked him if he did not want to call on her some evening. "Delighted," said Eugene.
Eugene met her thanks to Shotmeyer, who had received a letter of introduction from a mutual friend in Boston. He had described Eugene as a very talented young artist and mentioned that he would love to bring him by one evening to hear her sing. Miss Channing agreed, as she had seen some of his drawings and was impressed by their poetic quality. Shotmeyer, proud of his notable connections—who actually liked him for his entertaining stories—told Eugene about Miss Channing's voice and asked if he wanted to visit her one evening. "Delighted," replied Eugene.
The appointment was made and together they went to Miss Channing's suite in a superior Nineteenth Street boarding house. Miss Channing received them, arrayed in a smooth, close fitting dress of black velvet, touched with red. Eugene was reminded of the first costume in which he had seen Ruby. He was dazzled. As for her, as she told him afterward, she was conscious of a peculiar illogical perturbation.
The appointment was set, and together they headed to Miss Channing's suite in a nicer boarding house on Nineteenth Street. Miss Channing welcomed them, dressed in a sleek, form-fitting black velvet dress accented with red. Eugene was reminded of the first outfit he had seen Ruby in. He was mesmerized. As for her, as she mentioned later, she was aware of a strange, irrational anxiety.
"When I put on my ribbon that night," she told him, "I was going to put on a dark blue silk one I had just bought and then I thought 'No, he'll like me better in a red one.' Isn't that curious? I just felt as though you were going to like me—as though we might know each other better. That young man—what's his name—described you so accurately." It was months afterward when she confessed that.
"When I put on my ribbon that night," she told him, "I was going to wear a dark blue silk one I had just bought, but then I thought, 'No, he'll prefer me in a red one.' Isn't that interesting? I just had a feeling that you were going to like me—as if we might get to know each other better. That guy—what's his name—described you so well." It was months later when she admitted that.
When Eugene entered it was with the grand air he had acquired since his life had begun to broaden in the East. He took his relationship with talent, particularly female talent, seriously. [Pg 147] He stood up very straight, walked with a noticeable stride, drove an examining glance into the very soul of the person he was looking at. He was quick to get impressions, especially of talent. He could feel ability in another. When he looked at Miss Channing he felt it like a strong wave—the vibrating wave of an intense consciousness.
When Eugene walked in, he had the confident presence he'd developed since his life started to expand in the East. He took his connections with talented people, especially women, seriously. [Pg 147] He stood tall, strode purposefully, and directed a penetrating gaze into the very essence of the person he was observing. He was quick to form impressions, particularly of talent. He could sense someone's ability. When he looked at Miss Channing, he felt it like a powerful wave—the pulsing wave of intense awareness.
She greeted him, extending a soft white hand. They spoke of how they had heard of each other. Eugene somehow made her feel his enthusiasm for her art. "Music is the finer thing," he said, when she spoke of his own gift.
She greeted him, reaching out with a gentle white hand. They talked about how they had learned about each other. Eugene somehow conveyed his excitement for her art. "Music is the best," he said when she mentioned his own talent.
Christina's dark brown eyes swept him from head to foot. He was like his pictures, she thought—and as good to look at.
Christina's dark brown eyes scanned him from head to toe. He looked just like his pictures, she thought—and just as attractive.
He was introduced to her mother. They sat down, talking, and presently Miss Channing sang—"Che faro senza Euridice." Eugene felt as if she were singing to him. Her cheeks were flushed and her lips red.
He was introduced to her mom. They sat down and started talking, and soon Miss Channing began to sing—"Che faro senza Euridice." Eugene felt like she was singing just for him. Her cheeks were flushed and her lips were red.
Her mother remarked after she had finished, "You're in splendid voice this evening, Christina."
Her mom said after she was done, "You sound fantastic tonight, Christina."
"I feel particularly fit," she replied.
"I feel really fit," she said.
"A wonderful voice—it's like a big red poppy or a great yellow orchid!" cried Eugene.
"Amazing voice—it's like a big red poppy or a bright yellow orchid!" shouted Eugene.
Christina thrilled. The description caught her fancy. It seemed true. She felt something of that in the sounds to which she gave utterance.
Christina was excited. The description grabbed her attention. It felt real. She sensed a connection to that in the sounds she expressed.
"Please sing 'Who is Sylvia,'" he begged a little later. She complied gladly.
"Please sing 'Who is Sylvia,'" he begged a little later. She gladly agreed.
"That was written for you," he said softly as she ceased, for he had come close to the piano. "You image Sylvia for me." Her cheeks colored warmly.
"That was written for you," he said softly as she stopped, having moved closer to the piano. "You remind me of Sylvia." Her cheeks flushed with warmth.
"Thanks," she nodded, and her eyes spoke too. She welcomed his daring and she was glad to let him know it.
"Thanks," she nodded, and her eyes conveyed the same. She appreciated his boldness and was happy to let him know it.
CHAPTER XXII
The chief trouble with his present situation, and with the entrance of these two women into his life, and it had begun to be a serious one to him, was that he was not making money. He had been able to earn about $1200 the first year; the second he made a little over two thousand, and this third year he was possibly doing a little better. But in view of what he saw around him and what he now knew of life, it was nothing. New York presented a spectacle of material display such as he had never known existed. The carriages on Fifth Avenue, the dinners at the great hotels, the constant talk of society functions in the newspapers, made his brain dizzy. He was inclined to idle about the streets, to watch the handsomely dressed crowds, to consider the evidences of show and refinement everywhere, and he came to the conclusion that he was not living at all, but existing. Art as he had first dreamed of it, art had seemed not only a road to distinction but also to affluence. Now, as he studied those about him, he found that it was not so. Artists were never tremendously rich, he learned. He remembered reading in Balzac's story "Cousin Betty," of a certain artist of great distinction who had been allowed condescendingly by one of the rich families of Paris to marry a daughter, but it was considered a great come down for her. He had hardly been able to credit the idea at the time, so exalted was his notion of the artist. But now he was beginning to see that it represented the world's treatment of artists. There were in America a few who were very popular—meretriciously so he thought in certain cases—who were said to be earning from ten to fifteen thousand a year. How high would that place them, he asked himself, in that world of real luxury which was made up of the so-called four hundred—the people of immense wealth and social position. He had read in the papers that it took from fifteen to twenty-five thousand dollars a year to clothe a débutante. It was nothing uncommon, he heard, for a man to spend from fifteen to twenty dollars on his dinner at the restaurant. The prices he heard that tailors demanded—that dressmakers commanded, the display of jewels and expensive garments at the opera, made the poor little income of an artist look like nothing at all. Miss Finch was constantly telling him of the show and swagger she met with in her circle of acquaintances, for her tact and adaptability had [Pg 149] gained her the friendship of a number of society people. Miss Channing, when he came to know her better, made constant references to things she came in contact with—great singers or violinists paid $1000 a night, or the tremendous salaries commanded by the successful opera stars. He began, as he looked at his own meagre little income, to feel shabby again, and run down, much as he had during those first days in Chicago. Why, art, outside the fame, was nothing. It did not make for real living. It made for a kind of mental blooming, which everybody recognized, but you could be a poor, sick, hungry, shabby genius—you actually could. Look at Verlaine, who had recently died in Paris.
The main issue with his current situation, and the arrival of these two women in his life, which was becoming a serious concern for him, was that he wasn’t making enough money. He had earned about $1,200 in his first year, a little over $2,000 in the second, and this third year he was possibly doing a bit better. But considering what he saw around him and what he now understood about life, it was nothing. New York showcased a level of material wealth he had never known existed. The carriages on Fifth Avenue, the fancy dinners at the upscale hotels, the constant buzz about social events in the newspapers, made his head spin. He found himself wandering the streets, watching the well-dressed crowds, contemplating the displays of wealth and sophistication everywhere, and he concluded that he wasn't truly living, just existing. Art, as he'd initially envisioned it, seemed not only a pathway to recognition but also to wealth. Now, as he observed those around him, he realized that wasn't the case. Artists were rarely incredibly rich, he discovered. He recalled reading in Balzac's story "Cousin Betty" about a prominent artist who was allowed to marry a daughter from a wealthy Parisian family, but it was deemed a significant step down for her. At the time, he struggled to accept that notion, so lofty was his view of artists. But now he was starting to see that it reflected how the world regarded artists. In America, there were a few very popular ones—some, he thought, were superficially popular—who were said to earn between $10,000 and $15,000 a year. How far would that put them in the realm of true luxury, made up of the so-called four hundred—the people of immense wealth and social standing? He had read in the papers that it took between $15,000 and $25,000 a year to outfit a debutante. He heard it was not uncommon for a man to spend between $15 and $20 on dinner at a restaurant. The prices he heard that tailors charged, that dressmakers demanded, the display of jewels and designer clothes at the opera, made an artist's meager income look pitiful. Miss Finch constantly shared stories about the show and pretentiousness she encountered in her social circle, as her charm and adaptability had earned her friendships with several society figures. Miss Channing, as he got to know her better, often mentioned wealthy acquaintances—great singers or violinists paid $1,000 a night, or the outrageous salaries of successful opera stars. As he looked at his own small income, he started to feel shabby again, worn down, much like he had during those early days in Chicago. Art, outside of fame, seemed worthless. It didn’t contribute to real living. It fostered a kind of mental flourishing that everyone acknowledged, but you could still be a poor, sick, hungry, shabby genius—you really could. Just look at Verlaine, who had recently passed away in Paris.
A part of this feeling was due to the opening of a golden age of luxury in New York, and the effect the reiterated sight of it was having on Eugene. Huge fortunes had been amassed in the preceding fifty years and now there were thousands of residents in the great new city who were worth anything from one to fifty and in some instances a hundred million dollars. The metropolitan area, particularly Manhattan Island above Fifty-ninth Street, was growing like a weed. Great hotels were being erected in various parts of the so-called "white light" district. There was beginning, just then, the first organized attempt of capital to supply a new need—the modern sumptuous, eight, ten and twelve story apartment house, which was to house the world of newly rich middle class folk who were pouring into New York from every direction. Money was being made in the West, the South and the North, and as soon as those who were making it had sufficient to permit them to live in luxury for the rest of their days they were moving East, occupying these expensive apartments, crowding the great hotels, patronizing the sumptuous restaurants, giving the city its air of spendthrift luxury. All the things which catered to showy material living were beginning to flourish tremendously, art and curio shops, rug shops, decorative companies dealing with the old and the new in hangings, furniture, objects of art; dealers in paintings, jewelry stores, china and glassware houses—anything and everything which goes to make life comfortable and brilliant. Eugene, as he strolled about the city, saw this, felt the change, realized that the drift was toward greater population, greater luxury, greater beauty. His mind was full of the necessity of living now. He was young now; he was vigorous now; he was keen now; in a few years he might not be—seventy years was the allotted span and twenty-five of his had already gone. How would it be if he never came into this luxury, was never allowed to enter society, was never [Pg 150] permitted to live as wealth was now living! The thought hurt him. He felt an eager desire to tear wealth and fame from the bosom of the world. Life must give him his share. If it did not he would curse it to his dying day. So he felt when he was approaching twenty-six.
A part of this feeling was due to the start of a golden age of luxury in New York and the impact that constant exposure was having on Eugene. Huge fortunes had been built over the past fifty years, and now there were thousands of residents in the great new city worth anywhere from one million to fifty million, and in some cases, even a hundred million dollars. The metropolitan area, especially Manhattan above Fifty-ninth Street, was growing rapidly. Major hotels were being constructed in various parts of the so-called "white light" district. At that moment, there was the first organized effort by capital to meet a new demand—the modern luxurious, eight, ten, and twelve-story apartment buildings, intended to accommodate the newly wealthy middle-class individuals pouring into New York from all directions. Money was being made in the West, South, and North, and as soon as those who were making it had enough to live in luxury for the rest of their lives, they moved East, filling these expensive apartments, crowding the grand hotels, dining at the lavish restaurants, and giving the city its atmosphere of extravagant luxury. All kinds of businesses catering to flashy material living were beginning to thrive—art and curio shops, rug stores, decorative companies dealing with old and new textiles, furniture, and artwork; dealers in paintings, jewelry stores, and china and glassware shops—anything and everything that makes life comfortable and vibrant. As Eugene strolled around the city, he saw this, felt the shift, and recognized that the trend was toward a larger population, more luxury, and greater beauty. His mind was filled with the urgency of living now. He was young now; he was strong now; he was sharp now; in a few years, he might not be—seventy years was the average lifespan, and twenty-five of his had already passed. What would happen if he never experienced this luxury, was never part of society, and was never [Pg 150] allowed to live as wealth was living now? The thought pained him. He felt a strong desire to seize wealth and fame from the world. Life must give him his share. If it didn’t, he would resent it until his last breath. That’s how he felt as he approached twenty-six.
The effect of Christina Channing's friendship for him was particularly to emphasize this. She was not so much older than he, was possessed of very much the same temperament, the same hopes and aspirations, and she discerned almost as clearly as he did the current of events. New York was to witness a golden age of luxury. It was already passing into it. Those who rose to distinction in any field, particularly music or the stage, were likely to share in a most notable spectacle of luxury. Christina hoped to. She was sure she would. After a few conversations with Eugene she was inclined to feel that he would. He was so brilliant, so incisive.
The impact of Christina Channing's friendship with him was especially clear. She wasn't much older than he was, shared a similar temperament, and had the same hopes and dreams. She understood the flow of events almost as well as he did. New York was on the verge of a golden age of luxury, and it was already starting to transition into it. Those who gained recognition in any field, especially music or theater, were likely to experience an impressive display of luxury. Christina was hopeful she would, and she was confident she would. After a few discussions with Eugene, she felt he would too. He was incredibly bright and sharp.
"You have such a way with you," she said the second time he came. "You are so commanding. You make me think you can do almost anything you want to."
"You have such a presence," she said the second time he came. "You’re so assertive. You make me feel like you can achieve just about anything you set your mind to."
"Oh, no," he deprecated. "Not as bad as that. I have just as much trouble as anyone getting what I want."
"Oh, no," he said dismissively. "It's not that bad. I have just as much trouble as anyone getting what I want."
"Oh, but you will though. You have ideas."
"Oh, but you will. You have ideas."
It did not take these two long to reach an understanding. They confided to each other their individual histories, with reservations, of course, at first. Christina told him of her musical history, beginning at Hagerstown, Maryland, and he went back to his earliest days in Alexandria. They discussed the differences in parental control to which they had been subject. He learned of her father's business, which was that of oyster farming, and confessed on his part to being the son of a sewing machine agent. They talked of small town influences, early illusions, the different things they had tried to do. She had sung in the local Methodist church, had once thought she would like to be a milliner, had fallen in the hands of a teacher who tried to get her to marry him and she had been on the verge of consenting. Something happened—she went away for the summer, or something of that sort, and changed her mind.
It didn't take long for these two to find common ground. They shared their personal histories with each other, though with some hesitations at first. Christina talked about her musical background, starting in Hagerstown, Maryland, while he recalled his early days in Alexandria. They discussed the different levels of parental control they experienced. He learned about her father's business in oyster farming and revealed that he was the son of a sewing machine salesman. They talked about the influences of small-town life, early dreams, and the various paths they had pursued. She had sung in the local Methodist church, once dreamed of becoming a milliner, and had a teacher who tried to get her to marry him, and she almost agreed to it. Then something happened—she went away for the summer or something like that—and changed her mind.
After an evening at the theatre with her, a late supper one night and a third call, to spend a quiet evening in her room, he took her by the hand. She was standing by the piano and he was looking at her cheeks, her large inquiring eyes, her smooth rounded neck and chin.
After an evening at the theater with her, a late dinner one night, and a third invitation to spend a quiet evening in her room, he took her by the hand. She was standing by the piano, and he was looking at her cheeks, her large curious eyes, her smooth rounded neck and chin.
"You like me," he said suddenly à propos of nothing save the mutual attraction that was always running strong between them.
"You like me," he said suddenly, out of the blue, referring to the mutual attraction that had always been strong between them.
[Pg 151] Without hesitation she nodded her head, though the bright blood mounted to her neck and cheeks.
[Pg 151] Without hesitation, she nodded her head, even though her face and neck flushed with bright color.
"You are so lovely to me," he went on, "that words are of no value. I can paint you. Or you can sing me what you are, but mere words won't show it. I have been in love before, but never with anyone like you."
"You’re so beautiful to me," he continued, "that words don’t mean anything. I can paint you. Or you can sing to me what you are, but just talking won’t be enough. I’ve been in love before, but never with anyone like you."
"Are you in love?" she asked naïvely.
"Are you in love?" she asked innocently.
"What is this?" he asked and slipped his arms about her, drawing her close.
"What’s this?" he asked, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her close.
She turned her head away, leaving her rosy cheek near his lips. He kissed that, then her mouth and her neck. He held her chin and looked into her eyes.
She turned her head away, leaving her rosy cheek close to his lips. He kissed it, then her mouth and her neck. He held her chin and looked into her eyes.
"Be careful," she said, "mamma may come in."
“Be careful,” she said, “Mom might come in.”
"Hang mamma!" he laughed.
"Hang on, mom!" he laughed.
"She'll hang you if she sees you. Mamma would never suspect me of anything like this."
"She'll get you in trouble if she catches you. Mom would never think I’d do something like this."
"That shows how little mamma knows of her Christina," he answered.
"That shows how little Mom understands her Christina," he replied.
"She knows enough at that," she confessed gaily. "Oh, if we were only up in the mountains now," she added.
"She knows enough about that," she admitted cheerfully. "Oh, if we were just up in the mountains right now," she added.
"What mountains," he inquired curiously.
"What mountains?" he asked curiously.
"The Blue Ridge. We have a bungalow up at Florizel. You must come up when we go there next summer."
"The Blue Ridge. We have a bungalow at Florizel. You have to come up when we go there next summer."
"Will mamma be there?" he asked.
"Will mom be there?" he asked.
"And papa," she laughed.
"And Dad," she laughed.
"And I suppose Cousin Annie."
"And I guess Cousin Annie."
"No, brother George will be."
"No, brother George will be."
"Nix for the bungalow," he replied, using a slang word that had become immensely popular.
"Nix on the bungalow," he replied, using a slang term that had become extremely popular.
"Oh, but I know all the country round there. There are some lovely walks and drives." She said this archly, naïvely, suggestively, her bright face lit with an intelligence that seemed perfection.
"Oh, but I know the whole area around there. There are some beautiful walks and drives." She said this playfully, innocently, suggestively, her bright face shining with an intelligence that seemed flawless.
"Well—such being the case!" he smiled, "and meanwhile—"
"Well—since that's the situation!" he smiled, "and in the meantime—"
"Oh, meanwhile you just have to wait. You see how things are." She nodded her head towards an inside room where Mrs. Channing was lying down with a slight headache. "Mamma doesn't leave me very often."
"Oh, for now you just have to wait. You see how it is." She nodded toward an inside room where Mrs. Channing was lying down with a slight headache. "Mom doesn't leave me very often."
Eugene did not know exactly how to take Christina. He had never encountered this attitude before. Her directness, in connection with so much talent, such real ability, rather took him by surprise. He did not expect it—did not think she would confess affection for him; did not know just what she meant by speaking in the way she did of the bungalow and Florizel. He [Pg 152] was flattered, raised in his own self-esteem. If such a beautiful, talented creature as this could confess her love for him, what a personage he must be. And she was thinking of freer conditions—just what?
Eugene wasn’t sure how to interpret Christina. He had never seen this kind of attitude before. Her straightforwardness, combined with so much talent and genuine skill, really caught him off guard. He didn’t see it coming—he didn’t expect her to admit her feelings for him; he wasn’t clear on what she meant when she talked about the bungalow and Florizel in that way. He [Pg 152] felt flattered, boosting his self-esteem. If such a beautiful and talented person could express love for him, he must be pretty special. And she was considering more open conditions—just what did that mean?
He did not want to press the matter too closely then and she was not anxious to have him do so—she preferred to be enigmatic. But there was a light of affection and admiration in her eye which made him very proud and happy with things just as they were.
He didn't want to push the issue too much at that moment, and she wasn't keen on him doing so—she liked to keep things mysterious. But there was a sparkle of affection and admiration in her eye that made him feel proud and content with how things were.
As she said, there was little chance for love-making under conditions then existing. Her mother was with her most of the time. Christina invited Eugene to come and hear her sing at the Philharmonic Concerts; so once in a great ball-room at the Waldorf-Astoria and again in the imposing auditorium of Carnegie Hall and a third time in the splendid auditorium of the Arion Society, he had the pleasure of seeing her walk briskly to the footlights, the great orchestra waiting, the audience expectant, herself arch, assured—almost defiant, he thought, and so beautiful. When the great house thundered its applause he was basking in one delicious memory of her.
As she mentioned, there wasn’t much opportunity for romance given the circumstances. Her mother was around most of the time. Christina invited Eugene to come and listen to her sing at the Philharmonic Concerts; so once in a grand ballroom at the Waldorf-Astoria, then again in the impressive auditorium of Carnegie Hall, and a third time in the beautiful auditorium of the Arion Society, he had the pleasure of watching her stride confidently to the front of the stage, the large orchestra ready, the audience eagerly waiting, and she was playful, confident—almost defiant, he thought, and so stunning. When the large venue erupted in applause, he was savoring a delightful memory of her.
"Last night she had her arms about my neck. Tonight when I call and we are alone she will kiss me. That beautiful, distinguished creature standing there bowing and smiling loves me and no one else. If I were to ask her she would marry me—if I were in a position and had the means."
"Last night she had her arms around my neck. Tonight when I call and we're alone, she'll kiss me. That beautiful, sophisticated woman standing there, bowing and smiling, loves me and no one else. If I were to ask her, she would marry me—if I were in a better position and had the means."
"If I were in a position—" that thought cut him, for he knew that he was not. He could not marry her. In reality she would not have him knowing how little he made—or would she? He wondered.
"If I were in a position—" that thought struck him hard, because he knew he wasn't. He couldn't marry her. The truth was, she wouldn't want him knowing how little he earned—or would she? He wondered.
CHAPTER XXIII
Towards the end of spring Eugene concluded he would rather go up in the mountains near Christina's bungalow this summer, than back to see Angela. The memory of that precious creature was, under the stress and excitement of metropolitan life, becoming a little tarnished. His recollections of her were as delightful as ever, as redolent of beauty, but he was beginning to wonder. The smart crowd in New York was composed of a different type. Angela was sweet and lovely, but would she fit in?
Towards the end of spring, Eugene decided he would rather spend the summer in the mountains near Christina's bungalow than go back to see Angela. The memory of that special person was starting to fade a bit under the pressure and excitement of city life. His memories of her were still as delightful as ever, filled with beauty, but he was beginning to question things. The trendy crowd in New York was made up of a different kind of people. Angela was sweet and lovely, but would she fit in?
Meanwhile Miriam Finch with her subtle eclecticism continued her education of Eugene. She was as good as a school. He would sit and listen to her descriptions of plays, her appreciation of books, her summing up of current philosophies, and he would almost feel himself growing. She knew so many people, could tell him where to go to see just such and such an important thing. All the startling personalities, the worth while preachers, the new actors, somehow she knew all about them.
Meanwhile, Miriam Finch, with her unique mix of interests, kept teaching Eugene. She was like a school all on her own. He would sit and listen to her talk about plays, her love for books, her take on current philosophies, and he would almost feel himself growing. She knew so many people and could tell him where to go to catch all the important events. All the fascinating personalities, the impactful speakers, the up-and-coming actors—somehow, she knew all about them.
"Now, Eugene," she would exclaim on seeing him, "you positively must go and see Haydon Boyd in 'The Signet,'" or—"see Elmina Deming in her new dances," or—"look at the pictures of Winslow Homer that are being shown at Knoedler's."
"Now, Eugene," she would say excitedly when she saw him, "you absolutely have to go see Haydon Boyd in 'The Signet,'" or—"check out Elmina Deming in her new dances," or—"look at the Winslow Homer paintings being showcased at Knoedler's."
She would explain with exactness why she wanted him to see them, what she thought they would do for him. She frankly confessed to him that she considered him a genius and always insisted on knowing what new thing he was doing. When any work of his appeared and she liked it she was swift to tell him. He almost felt as if he owned her room and herself, as if all that she was—her ideas, her friends, her experiences—belonged to him. He could go and draw on them by sitting at her feet or going with her somewhere. When spring came she liked to walk with him, to listen to his comments on nature and life.
She would clearly explain why she wanted him to see them and what she thought they could do for him. She openly admitted that she considered him a genius and always insisted on knowing what new project he was working on. Whenever any of his work came out and she liked it, she quickly told him. He almost felt like he owned her room and her as a person, as if everything about her—her ideas, her friends, her experiences—belonged to him. He could draw from them simply by sitting at her feet or going out with her. When spring came, she enjoyed walking with him and listening to his thoughts on nature and life.
"That's splendid!" she would exclaim. "Now, why don't you write that?" or "why don't you paint that?"
"That's amazing!" she would say. "So, why don't you write that?" or "why don't you paint that?"
He showed her some of his poems once and she had made copies of them and pasted them in a book of what she called exceptional things. So he was coddled by her.
He showed her some of his poems once, and she made copies of them and pasted them in a book she called exceptional things. So he was spoiled by her.
In another way Christina was equally nice. She was fond of telling Eugene how much she thought of him, how nice she thought he was. "You're so big and smarty," she said to him [Pg 154] once, affectionately, pinioning his arms and looking into his eyes. "I like the way you part your hair, too! You're kind o' like an artist ought to be!"
In another way, Christina was just as sweet. She loved to tell Eugene how much he meant to her and how great she thought he was. "You're so big and smart," she said to him [Pg 154] once, playfully holding his arms and looking into his eyes. "I like how you part your hair, too! You're kind of like an artist should be!"
"That's the way to spoil me," he replied. "Let me tell you how nice you are. Want to know how nice you are?"
"That's how you spoil me," he replied. "Let me tell you how great you are. Want to hear how great you are?"
"Uh-uh," she smiled, shaking her head to mean "no."
"Uh-uh," she smiled, shaking her head to indicate "no."
"Wait till we get to the mountains. I'll tell you." He sealed her lips with his, holding her until her breath was almost gone.
"Just wait until we get to the mountains. I'll let you know then." He pressed his lips to hers, holding her until she could barely breathe.
"Oh," she exclaimed; "you're terrible. You're like steel."
"Oh," she said. "You're so awful. You're like steel."
"And you're like a big red rose. Kiss me!"
"And you're like a big red rose. Kiss me!"
From Christina he learned all about the musical world and musical personalities. He gained an insight into the different forms of music, operatic, symphonic, instrumental. He learned of the different forms of composition, the terminology, the mystery of the vocal cords, the methods of training. He learned of the jealousies within the profession, and what the best musical authorities thought of such and such composers, or singers. He learned how difficult it was to gain a place in the operatic world, how bitterly singers fought each other, how quick the public was to desert a fading star. Christina took it all so unconcernedly that he almost loved her for her courage. She was so wise and so good natured.
From Christina, he learned everything about the music scene and its personalities. He got insights into various music styles, including opera, symphonies, and instrumentals. He discovered the different types of composition, the terminology, the mystery of vocal cords, and the training methods. He found out about the rivalries in the industry and what top music experts thought of certain composers and singers. He learned how tough it is to make a mark in the opera world, how fiercely singers competed against each other, and how quickly the audience would turn away from a fading star. Christina took it all in stride, which made him admire her for her bravery. She was so wise and good-natured.
"You have to give up a lot of things to be a good artist," she said to Eugene one day. "You can't have the ordinary life, and art too."
"You have to give up a lot to be a good artist," she told Eugene one day. "You can't have an ordinary life and pursue art at the same time."
"Just what do you mean, Chrissy?" he asked, petting her hand, for they were alone together.
"What exactly do you mean, Chrissy?" he asked, stroking her hand, since they were alone together.
"Why, you can't get married very well and have children, and you can't do much in a social way. Oh, I know they do get married, but sometimes I think it is a mistake. Most of the singers I know don't do so very well tied down by marriage."
"Well, you can't really get married and have kids, and you can't socialize much either. I know people do get married, but sometimes I think it's a mistake. Most of the singers I know don't thrive when they're tied down by marriage."
"Don't you intend to get married?" asked Eugene curiously.
"Don't you plan to get married?" asked Eugene curiously.
"I don't know," she replied, realizing what he was driving at. "I'd want to think about that. A woman artist is in a d— of a position anyway," using the letter d only to indicate the word "devil." "She has so many things to think about."
"I don't know," she replied, understanding what he meant. "I'd want to give that some thought. A woman artist is in a devil of a position anyway. She has so many things to consider."
"For instance?"
"Like, for example?"
"Oh, what people think and her family think, and I don't know what all. They ought to get a new sex for artists—like they have for worker bees."
"Oh, what other people think and what her family thinks, and I don’t know what else. They should create a new gender for artists—like they have for worker bees."
Eugene smiled. He knew what she was driving at. But he did not know how long she had been debating the problem of her virginity as conflicting with her love of distinction in art. [Pg 155] She was nearly sure she did not want to complicate her art life with marriage. She was almost positive that success on the operatic stage—particularly the great opportunity for the beginner abroad—was complicated with some liaison. Some escaped, but it was not many. She was wondering in her own mind whether she owed it to current morality to remain absolutely pure. It was assumed generally that girls should remain virtuous and marry, but this did not necessarily apply to her—should it apply to the artistic temperament? Her mother and her family troubled her. She was virtuous, but youth and desire had given her some bitter moments. And here was Eugene to emphasize it.
Eugene smiled. He understood what she was getting at. But he didn't know how long she had been wrestling with the issue of her virginity versus her desire to stand out in art. [Pg 155] She was almost certain she didn't want to complicate her artistic life with marriage. She was pretty sure that achieving success on the opera stage—especially for a newcomer abroad—was complicated by some kind of relationship. Some managed to escape that, but not many. She was questioning whether she owed it to modern morals to stay completely pure. It was generally believed that girls should stay virtuous and get married, but that didn’t necessarily apply to her—should it apply to someone with an artistic temperament? Her mother and her family weighed on her mind. She was virtuous, but youth and desire had given her some tough moments. And here was Eugene to highlight that.
"It is a difficult problem," he said sympathetically, wondering what she would eventually do. He felt keenly that her attitude in regard to marriage affected his relationship to her. Was she wedded to her art at the expense of love?
"It’s a tough problem," he said sympathetically, wondering what she would end up doing. He felt strongly that her views on marriage impacted their relationship. Was she committed to her art over love?
"It's a big problem," she said and went to the piano to sing.
"It's a huge problem," she said and walked over to the piano to sing.
He half suspected for a little while after this that she might be contemplating some radical step—what, he did not care to say to himself, but he was intensely interested in her problem. This peculiar freedom of thought astonished him—broadened his horizon. He wondered what his sister Myrtle would think of a girl discussing marriage in this way—the to be or not to be of it—what Sylvia? He wondered if many girls did that. Most of the women he had known seemed to think more logically along these lines than he did. He remembered asking Ruby once whether she didn't think illicit love was wrong and hearing her reply, "No. Some people thought it was wrong, but that didn't make it so to her." Here was another girl with another theory.
He suspected for a little while after this that she might be thinking about making a big decision—what exactly, he wasn't sure he wanted to admit to himself, but he was really curious about her dilemma. This unusual way of thinking surprised him—it expanded his perspective. He wondered what his sister Myrtle would think about a girl talking about marriage like this—the question of whether to do it or not—what about Sylvia? He pondered if many girls thought like that. Most of the women he knew seemed to approach these ideas more logically than he did. He recalled once asking Ruby if she thought that cheating was wrong, and her answer was, "No. Some people believed it was wrong, but that didn’t make it true for her." Here was yet another girl with a different viewpoint.
They talked more of love, and he wondered why she wanted him to come up to Florizel in the summer. She could not be thinking—no, she was too conservative. He began to suspect, though, that she would not marry him—would not marry anyone at present. She merely wanted to be loved for awhile, no doubt.
They talked more about love, and he wondered why she wanted him to come up to Florizel in the summer. She couldn’t be thinking—no, she was too traditional. However, he started to suspect that she wouldn’t marry him—wouldn’t marry anyone right now. She probably just wanted to be loved for a while, no doubt.
May came and with it the end of Christina's concert work and voice study so far as New York was concerned. She had been in and out of the city all the winter—to Pittsburgh, Buffalo, Chicago, St. Paul and now after a winter's hard work retired to Hagerstown with her mother for a few weeks prior to leaving for Florizel.
May arrived, marking the end of Christina's concert work and voice lessons in New York. She had traveled in and out of the city all winter—to Pittsburgh, Buffalo, Chicago, and St. Paul. Now, after a winter of hard work, she was taking a break in Hagerstown with her mother for a few weeks before heading to Florizel.
"You ought to come down here," she wrote to Eugene early in June. "There is a sickle moon that shines in my garden and the roses are in bloom. Oh, the odors are so sweet, and [Pg 156] the dew! Some of our windows open out level with the grass and I sing! I sing!! I sing!!!"
"You should come down here," she wrote to Eugene early in June. "There’s a crescent moon shining in my garden and the roses are blooming. Oh, the scents are so sweet, and the dew! Some of our windows open right out to the grass and I sing! I sing!! I sing!!!"
He had a notion to run down but restrained himself, for she told him that they were leaving in two weeks for the mountains. He had a set of drawings to complete for a magazine for which they were in a hurry. So he decided to wait till that was done.
He thought about running down but held back because she told him they were leaving in two weeks for the mountains. He had a series of drawings to finish for a magazine that was in a rush. So he decided to wait until that was done.
In late June he went up to the Blue Ridge, in Southern Pennsylvania, where Florizel was situated. He thought at first he would be invited to stay at the Channing bungalow, but Christina warned him that it would be safer and better for him to stay at one of the adjoining hotels. There were several on the slope of adjacent hills at prices ranging from five to ten dollars a day. Though this was high for Eugene he decided to go. He wanted to be with this marvellous creature—to see just what she did mean by wishing they were in the mountains together.
In late June, he went up to the Blue Ridge in Southern Pennsylvania, where Florizel was located. At first, he thought he would be invited to stay at the Channing bungalow, but Christina advised him that it would be safer and better for him to stay at one of the nearby hotels. There were several hotels on the slopes of the adjacent hills, with prices ranging from five to ten dollars a day. Although this was expensive for Eugene, he decided to go. He wanted to be with this amazing person—to find out what she really meant by wanting them to be in the mountains together.
He had saved some eight hundred dollars, which was in a savings bank and he withdrew three hundred for his little outing. He took Christina a very handsomely bound copy of Villon, of whom she was fond, and several volumes of new verse. Most of these, chosen according to his most recent mood, were sad in their poetic texture; they all preached the nothingness of life, its sadness, albeit the perfection of its beauty.
He had saved about eight hundred dollars, which was in a savings account, and he withdrew three hundred for his little outing. He got Christina a beautifully bound edition of Villon, whom she liked, along with several volumes of new poetry. Most of these, picked based on his latest feelings, were somber in tone; they all conveyed the emptiness of life, its sadness, while still highlighting the beauty in its perfection.
At this time Eugene had quite reached the conclusion that there was no hereafter—there was nothing save blind, dark force moving aimlessly—where formerly he had believed vaguely in a heaven and had speculated as to a possible hell. His reading had led him through some main roads and some odd by-paths of logic and philosophy. He was an omnivorous reader now and a fairly logical thinker. He had already tackled Spencer's "First Principles," which had literally torn him up by the roots and set him adrift and from that had gone back to Marcus Aurelius, Epictetus, Spinoza and Schopenhauer—men who ripped out all his private theories and made him wonder what life really was. He had walked the streets for a long time after reading some of these things, speculating on the play of forces, the decay of matter, the fact that thought-forms had no more stability than cloud-forms. Philosophies came and went, governments came and went, races arose and disappeared. He walked into the great natural history museum of New York once to discover enormous skeletons of prehistoric animals—things said to have lived two, three, five millions of years before his day and he marvelled at the forces which produced [Pg 157] them, the indifference, apparently, with which they had been allowed to die. Nature seemed lavish of its types and utterly indifferent to the persistence of anything. He came to the conclusion that he was nothing, a mere shell, a sound, a leaf which had no general significance, and for the time being it almost broke his heart. It tended to smash his egotism, to tear away his intellectual pride. He wandered about dazed, hurt, moody, like a lost child. But he was thinking persistently.
At this point, Eugene had fully come to the conclusion that there was no afterlife—just a blind, dark force moving around aimlessly—where once he had vaguely believed in heaven and speculated about the possibility of hell. His reading had guided him through some main ideas and some unusual paths of logic and philosophy. He was now an eager reader and a fairly logical thinker. He had already tackled Spencer's "First Principles," which had completely uprooted him and set him adrift. After that, he went back to Marcus Aurelius, Epictetus, Spinoza, and Schopenhauer—thinkers who challenged all his personal theories and made him question what life really was. He roamed the streets for a long time after diving into some of these ideas, pondering the interplay of forces, the decay of matter, and the fact that thought-forms were just as unstable as cloud-forms. Philosophies rose and fell, governments came and went, races emerged and vanished. Once, he entered the great natural history museum in New York to see massive skeletons of prehistoric animals—beings said to have lived two, three, or five million years before his time—and he marveled at the forces that created them and the apparent indifference with which they had been allowed to die. Nature seemed generous with its forms and completely indifferent to the permanence of anything. He concluded that he was nothing, just a shell, a sound, a leaf without any broader significance, and for a while, it nearly broke his heart. It tended to shatter his ego, to strip away his intellectual pride. He wandered around in a daze, hurt, moody, like a lost child. But he was persistently thinking.
Then came Darwin, Huxley, Tyndall, Lubbock—a whole string of British thinkers who fortified the original conclusions of the others, but showed him a beauty, a formality, a lavishness of form and idea in nature's methods which fairly transfixed him. He was still reading—poets, naturalists, essayists, but he was still gloomy. Life was nothing save dark forces moving aimlessly.
Then came Darwin, Huxley, Tyndall, Lubbock—a whole line of British thinkers who reinforced the earlier conclusions but revealed to him a beauty, a structure, a richness of form and idea in nature's ways that truly captivated him. He was still reading—poets, naturalists, essayists—but he remained melancholic. Life felt like nothing but dark forces moving without purpose.
The manner in which he applied this thinking to his life was characteristic and individual. To think that beauty should blossom for a little while and disappear for ever seemed sad. To think that his life should endure but for seventy years and then be no more was terrible. He and Angela were chance acquaintances—chemical affinities—never to meet again in all time. He and Christina, he and Ruby—he and anyone—a few bright hours were all they could have together, and then would come the great silence, dissolution, and he would never be anymore. It hurt him to think of this, but it made him all the more eager to live, to be loved while he was here. If he could only have a lovely girl's arms to shut him in safely always!
The way he approached his life was unique and personal. The idea that beauty should bloom for a short time and then vanish forever felt sad. The thought that his life would last only seventy years and then cease was horrifying. He and Angela were just random acquaintances—like chemical reactions—never to cross paths again. He and Christina, he and Ruby—he and anyone—could only share a few bright moments together, and then there would be the deep silence, the end, and he would be gone forever. It pained him to think about this, but it made him even more eager to live, to be loved while he was here. If only he could have a beautiful girl's arms to keep him safe forever!
It was while he was in this mood that he reached Florizel after a long night's ride, and Christina who was a good deal of a philosopher and thinker herself at times was quick to notice it. She was waiting at the depot with a dainty little trap of her own to take him for a drive.
It was in this frame of mind that he arrived in Florizel after a long night ride, and Christina, who could also be quite the philosopher and thinker at times, quickly picked up on it. She was waiting at the station with her own charming little carriage to take him for a drive.
The trap rolled out along the soft, yellow, dusty roads. The mountain dew was still in the earth though and the dust was heavy with damp and not flying. Green branches of trees hung low over them, charming vistas came into view at every turn. Eugene kissed her, for there was no one to see, twisting her head to kiss her lips at leisure.
The carriage rolled along the soft, dusty yellow roads. The morning dew still clung to the ground, making the dust heavy and unmoving. Green branches of trees hung low overhead, revealing beautiful views at every turn. Eugene kissed her since no one was around, turning her head to kiss her lips tenderly.
"It's a blessed thing this horse is tame or we'd be in for some accident. What makes you so moody?" she said.
"It's lucky this horse is calm, or we'd be in trouble. Why are you in such a bad mood?" she said.
"I'm not moody—or am I? I've been thinking a lot of things of late—of you principally."
"I'm not moody—or am I? I've been thinking about a lot of things lately—mainly about you."
"Do I make you sad?"
"Do I make you feel sad?"
[Pg 158] "From one point of view, yes."
"Yes, from one perspective."
"And what is that, sir?" she asked with an assumption of severity.
"And what is that, sir?" she asked, trying to sound serious.
"You are so beautiful, so wonderful, and life is so short."
"You are so beautiful, so amazing, and life is so short."
"You have only fifty years to love me in," she laughed, calculating his age. "Oh, Eugene, what a boy you are!—Wait a minute," she added after a pause, drawing the horse to a stop under some trees. "Hold these," she said, offering him the reins. He took them and she put her arms about his neck. "Now, you silly," she exclaimed, "I love you, love you, love you! There was never anyone quite like you. Will that help you?" she smiled into his eyes.
"You only have fifty years to love me," she laughed, figuring out his age. "Oh, Eugene, you’re such a kid!—Wait a second," she said after a pause, bringing the horse to a stop under some trees. "Hold these," she said, handing him the reins. He took them and she wrapped her arms around his neck. "Now, you silly," she said, "I love you, love you, love you! There’s never been anyone quite like you. Will that help you?" she smiled into his eyes.
"Yes," he answered, "but it isn't enough. Seventy years isn't enough. Eternity isn't enough of life as it is now."
"Yes," he replied, "but it's not enough. Seventy years isn't enough. Eternity isn't enough of life as it is now."
"As it is now," she echoed and then took the reins, for she felt what he felt, the need of persistent youth and persistent beauty to keep it as it should be, and these things would not stay.
"As it is now," she repeated and then took the reins, because she understood what he felt: the need for eternal youth and lasting beauty to maintain things as they ought to be, and those things wouldn't last.
CHAPTER XXIV
The days spent in the mountains were seventeen exactly, and during that time with Christina, Eugene reached a curious exaltation of spirit different from anything he had experienced before. In the first place he had never known a girl like Christina, so beautiful, so perfect physically, so incisive mentally, so full of a fine artistic perception. She was so quick to perceive exactly what he meant. She was so suggestive to him in her own thoughts and feelings. The mysteries of life employed her mind quite as fully as they did his. She thought much of the subtlety of the human body, of its mysterious emotions, of its conscious and subconscious activities and relationships. The passions, the desires, the necessities of life, were as a fine tapestry for her mind to contemplate. She had no time to sit down and formulate her thoughts; she did not want to write—but she worked out through her emotions and through her singing the beautiful and pathetic things she felt. And she could talk in a fine, poetic melancholy vein on occasion, though there was so much courage and strength in her young blood that she was not afraid of any phase of life or what nature might do with the little substance which she called herself, when it should dissolve. "Time and change happeneth to us all," she would quote to Eugene and he would gravely nod his head.
The days spent in the mountains were exactly seventeen, and during that time with Christina, Eugene felt a strange uplift in his spirit unlike anything he had experienced before. First of all, he had never met a girl like Christina—so beautiful, so physically perfect, so sharp-minded, and so full of artistic insight. She was quick to understand exactly what he meant. She inspired him with her own thoughts and feelings. The mysteries of life occupied her mind just as much as they did his. She thought deeply about the complexity of the human body, its mysterious emotions, and its conscious and subconscious activities and relationships. The passions, desires, and necessities of life were like a beautiful tapestry for her to contemplate. She never took the time to sit down and sort out her thoughts; she didn’t want to write—but she expressed the beautiful and poignant feelings she had through her emotions and her singing. And when she spoke, she sometimes did so in a poetic and melancholic way, although there was so much courage and strength in her youth that she wasn’t afraid of any part of life or what nature might do with the little essence she called herself when it would eventually fade away. "Time and change happen to us all," she would quote to Eugene, and he would nod his head solemnly.
The hotel where he stopped was more pretentious than any he had been previously acquainted with. He had never had so much money in his life before, nor had he ever felt called upon to spend it lavishly. The room he took was—because of what Christina might think—one of the best. He took Christina's suggestion and invited her, her mother and her brother to dinner on several occasions; the remainder of the family had not arrived yet. In return he was invited to breakfast, to lunch and dinner at the bungalow.
The hotel he stayed at was fancier than any he had ever been to before. He had never had so much money in his life, nor had he ever felt the need to spend it so extravagantly. The room he chose was one of the best, considering what Christina might think. He took Christina's suggestion and invited her, her mother, and her brother to dinner several times; the rest of the family hadn't arrived yet. In return, he was invited to breakfast, lunch, and dinner at the bungalow.
Christina showed on his arrival that she had planned to be with him alone as much as possible, for she suggested that they make expeditions to High Hill, to Bold Face, and The Chimney—three surrounding mountains. She knew of good hotels at seven, ten, fifteen miles distance to which they could go by train, or else they drive and return by moonlight. She had selected two or three secluded spots in thickets and groves where [Pg 160] the trees gave way to little open spaces of grass, and in these they would string a hammock, scatter their books of verse about and sit down to enjoy the delights of talk and love-making.
Christina showed upon his arrival that she had planned to spend as much time alone with him as possible, suggesting they take trips to High Hill, Bold Face, and The Chimney—three nearby mountains. She knew of nice hotels seven, ten, and fifteen miles away where they could travel by train, or they could drive and come back by moonlight. She had picked out a couple of quiet spots in thickets and groves where the trees opened up to little grassy areas, and there they would set up a hammock, spread out their poetry books, and sit down to enjoy their conversations and romantic moments.
Under the influence of this companionship, under cloudless skies and in the heart of the June weather, Christina finally yielded to an arrangement which brought Eugene into a relationship which he had never dreamed possible with her. They had progressed by degrees through all the subtleties of courtship. They had come to discuss the nature of passion and emotion, and had swept aside as negligible the conviction that there was any inherent evil in the most intimate relationship. At last Christina said frankly:
Under the influence of their companionship, under clear skies and in the heart of June weather, Christina finally agreed to a relationship with Eugene that he had never thought possible. They had gradually explored all the nuances of courtship. They had started to talk about the nature of passion and emotion, and had dismissed the idea that there was anything wrong with the most intimate relationship. Finally, Christina said honestly:
"I don't want to be married. It isn't for me—not until I've thoroughly succeeded, anyhow. I'd rather wait—If I could just have you and singleness too."
"I don't want to get married. It's not for me—not until I've completely succeeded, anyway. I'd rather wait—if I could just have you and being single too."
"Why do you want to yield yourself to me?" Eugene asked curiously.
"Why do you want to give yourself to me?" Eugene asked curiously.
"I don't know that I exactly want to. I could do with just your love—if you were satisfied. It's you that I want to make happy. I want to give you anything you want."
"I’m not sure I really want to. I could be happy with just your love—if that makes you happy. You’re the one I want to make happy. I want to give you anything you desire."
"Curious girl," observed her lover, smoothing her high forehead with his hand. "I don't understand you, Christina. I don't know how your mind works. Why should you? You have everything to lose if worst came to worst."
"Curious girl," her lover said, running his hand over her high forehead. "I don't understand you, Christina. I don't get how your mind works. Why would you? You have everything to lose if things went south."
"Oh, no," she smiled. "I'd marry you then."
"Oh, no," she smiled. "I would marry you then."
"But to do this out of hand, because you love me, because you want me to be happy!" he paused.
"But to do this just like that, because you love me, because you want me to be happy!" he paused.
"I don't understand it either, honey boy," she offered, "I just do."
"I don't get it either, sweetie," she said, "I just do."
"But why, if you are willing to do this, you wouldn't prefer to live with me, is what I don't understand."
"But why, if you're willing to do this, wouldn’t you rather live with me? That’s what I don’t get."
She took his face between her hands. "I think I understand you better than you do yourself. I don't think you'd be happy married. You might not always love me. I might not always love you. You might come to regret. If we could be happy now you might reach the point where you wouldn't care any more. Then you see I wouldn't be remorseful thinking that we had never known happiness."
She held his face in her hands. "I think I get you better than you get yourself. I don't think you'd be happy if we got married. You might not always love me. I might not always love you. You could end up regretting it. If we could be happy now, you might get to a point where you wouldn’t care anymore. So, you see, I wouldn't feel bad thinking that we never experienced happiness."
"What logic!" he exclaimed. "Do you mean to say you wouldn't care any more?"
"What logic!" he exclaimed. "Are you saying you wouldn't care anymore?"
"Oh, I'd care, but not in the same way. Don't you see, Eugene, I would have the satisfaction of knowing that even if we did separate you had had the best of me."
"Oh, I would care, but not in the same way. Don’t you see, Eugene, I would take comfort in knowing that even if we did part ways, you had the best of me."
It seemed astounding to Eugene that she should talk in this [Pg 161] way—reason this way. What a curious, sacrificial, fatalistic turn of mind. Could a young, beautiful, talented girl really be like this? Would anybody on earth really believe it if they knew? He looked at her and shook his head sorrowfully.
It was amazing to Eugene that she talked this way—thought this way. What a strange, selfless, pessimistic mindset. Could a young, beautiful, talented girl really be like this? Would anyone actually believe it if they found out? He looked at her and shook his head sadly.
"To think that the quintessence of life should not stay with us always." He sighed.
"Can you believe that the essence of life shouldn’t be with us all the time?" He sighed.
"No, honey boy," she replied, "you want too much. You think you want it to stay, but you don't. You want it to go. You wouldn't be satisfied to live with me always, I know it. Take what the gods provide and have no regrets. Refuse to think; you can, you know."
"No, sweetie," she said, "you want too much. You think you want it to stay, but you really don’t. You want it to go. I know you wouldn’t be happy living with me all the time. Accept what the gods give you and don’t have any regrets. Don’t overthink it; you can do that, you know."
Eugene gathered her up in his arms. He kissed her over and over, forgetting in her embrace all the loves he had ever known. She yielded herself to him gladly, joyously, telling him over and over that it made her happy.
Eugene picked her up in his arms. He kissed her repeatedly, forgetting all the loves he had ever experienced in her embrace. She willingly surrendered to him, happily telling him again and again that it made her feel joyful.
"If you could only see how nice you are to me you wouldn't wonder," she explained.
"If you could just see how kind you are to me, you wouldn't be surprised," she explained.
He concluded she was the most wonderful being he had ever known. No woman had ever revealed herself to him so unselfishly in love. No woman he had ever known appeared to have the courage and the insight to go thus simply and directly to what she desired. To hear an artist of her power, a girl of her beauty, discussing calmly whether she should sacrifice her virtue to love; whether marriage in the customary form was good for her art; whether she should take him now when they were young or bow to the conventions and let youth pass, was enough to shock his still trammelled soul. For after all, and despite his desire for personal freedom, his intellectual doubts and mental exceptions, he still had a profound reverence for a home such as that maintained by Jotham Blue and his wife, and for its results in the form of normal, healthy, dutiful children. Nature had no doubt attained to this standard through a long series of difficulties and experiments, and she would not readily relinquish it. Was it really necessary to abandon it entirely? Did he want to see a world in which a woman would take him for a little while as Christina was doing now, and then leave him? His experience here was making him think, throwing his theories and ideas up in the air, making a mess of all the notions he had ever formed about things. He racked his brain over the intricacies of sex and life, sitting on the great verandas of the hotel and wondering over and over just what the answer was, and why he could not like other men be faithful to one woman and be happy. He wondered whether this was really so, and whether he could not. It seemed to [Pg 162] him then that he might. He knew that he did not understand himself very clearly; that he had no grasp on himself at all as yet—his tendencies, his possibilities.
He concluded that she was the most amazing person he had ever known. No woman had ever opened up to him so selflessly in love. No woman he had ever met seemed to have the courage and insight to go straight to what she wanted. Hearing a talented artist like her, a girl so beautiful, calmly discuss whether she should sacrifice her virtue for love; whether marriage, in the traditional sense, was good for her art; whether she should be with him now while they were young or conform to societal norms and let their youth pass, was enough to shock his still-constrained soul. Despite his desire for personal freedom, along with his intellectual doubts and mental conflicts, he still held a deep respect for the kind of home maintained by Jotham Blue and his wife, and for the outcome of that partnership in the form of normal, healthy, and responsible children. Nature had certainly reached this standard after a long process of challenges and experiments, and she wouldn’t easily give it up. Was it really necessary to completely abandon it? Did he want to live in a world where a woman would be with him temporarily, like Christina was right now, only to leave him afterward? His experiences here were making him think, throwing his theories and ideas into turmoil, muddling all the beliefs he had ever formed about relationships. He racked his brain over the complexities of sex and life, sitting on the grand verandas of the hotel, wondering again and again what the answer was and why he couldn't, like other men, be loyal to one woman and be happy. He questioned whether this was truly the case and if he really couldn’t. It seemed to him then that maybe he could. He knew he didn't fully understand himself; he had no real grasp on who he was yet—his inclinations, his potential.
These days, under such halcyon conditions, made a profound impression on him. He was struck with the perfection life could reach at odd moments. These great quiet hills, so uniform in their roundness, so green, so peaceful, rested his soul. He and Christina climbed, one day, two thousand feet to a ledge which jutted out over a valley and commanded what seemed to him the kingdoms and the powers of the earth—vast stretches of green land and subdivided fields, little cottage settlements and towns, great hills that stood up like friendly brothers to this one in the distance.
These days, in such peaceful surroundings, made a deep impression on him. He was struck by the perfection life could achieve in unexpected moments. These serene hills, so evenly rounded, so green, so tranquil, brought him peace. One day, he and Christina hiked two thousand feet to a ledge that jutted out over a valley, revealing what felt to him like the kingdoms and powers of the earth—vast expanses of green fields, small cottage communities, towns, and great hills rising up like friendly brothers in the distance.
"See that man down in that yard," said Christina, pointing to a speck of a being chopping wood in a front space serving as a garden to a country cottage fully a mile distant.
"Look at that guy down in the yard," said Christina, pointing to a tiny figure chopping wood in a small garden area of a country cottage that was a full mile away.
"Where?" asked Eugene.
"Where?" Eugene asked.
"See where that red barn is, just this side of that clump of trees?—don't you see? there, where the cows are in that field."
"See where that red barn is, just this side of that group of trees?—don't you see? There, where the cows are in that field."
"I don't see any cows."
"I don’t see any cows."
"Oh, Eugene, what's the matter with your eyes?"
"Oh, Eugene, what's wrong with your eyes?"
"Oh, now I see," he replied, squeezing her fingers. "He looks like a cockroach, doesn't he?"
"Oh, now I get it," he said, squeezing her fingers. "He looks like a cockroach, right?"
"Yes," she laughed.
"Yep," she laughed.
"How wide the earth is and how small we are. Now think of that speck with all his hopes and ambitions—all the machinery of his brain and nerves and tell me whether any God can care. How can He, Christina?"
"How vast the earth is and how tiny we are. Now think of that tiny speck with all his hopes and dreams—all the workings of his brain and nerves—and tell me if any God could care. How could He, Christina?"
"He can't care for any one particular speck much, sweet. He might care for the idea of man or a race of men as a whole. Still, I'm not sure, honey. All I know is that I'm happy now."
"He can't care about any one particular speck too much, sweet. He might care about the idea of humanity or a whole race of people. Still, I'm not sure, honey. All I know is that I'm happy right now."
"And I," he echoed.
"And I," he repeated.
Still they dug at this problem, the question of the origin of life—its why. The tremendous and wearisome age of the earth; the veritable storms of birth and death that seemed to have raged at different periods, held them in discussion.
Still, they grappled with this issue, the question of how life began—its purpose. The vast and exhausting age of the earth; the real storms of creation and destruction that appeared to have swept through various periods, kept them in conversation.
"We can't solve it, Eugenio mio," she laughed. "We might as well go home. Poor, dear mamma will be wondering where her Christina is. You know I think she suspects that I'm falling in love with you. She doesn't care how many men fall in love with me, but if I show the least sign of a strong preference she begins to worry."
"We can't figure this out, my Eugenio," she laughed. "We might as well head home. Poor, dear mom will be wondering where her Christina is. You know, I think she suspects I'm falling for you. She doesn't mind how many guys fall for me, but if I show the slightest hint of a strong preference, she starts to worry."
"Have there been many preferences?" he inquired.
"Have there been a lot of preferences?" he asked.
[Pg 163] "No, but don't ask. What difference does it make? Oh, Eugene, what difference does it make? I love you now."
[Pg 163] "No, but don’t ask. What does it matter? Oh, Eugene, what does it matter? I love you now."
"I don't know what difference it makes," he replied, "only there is an ache that goes with the thought of previous experience. I can't tell you why it is. It just is."
"I don't know how much it matters," he said, "but there's a pain that comes with remembering past experiences. I can't explain why. It just is."
She looked thoughtfully away.
She looked away thoughtfully.
"Anyhow, no man ever was to me before what you have been. Isn't that enough? Doesn't that speak?"
"Anyway, no one has ever meant to me what you have. Isn’t that enough? Doesn’t that say it all?"
"Yes, yes, sweet, it does. Oh, yes it does. Forgive me. I won't grieve any more."
"Yeah, yeah, it really does. Oh, for sure, it does. Sorry about that. I won't be sad anymore."
"Don't, please," she said, "you hurt me as much as you hurt yourself."
"Please don't," she said, "you're hurting me just as much as you're hurting yourself."
There were evenings when he sat on some one of the great verandas and watched them trim and string the interspaces between the columns with soft, glowing, Chinese lanterns, preparatory to the evening's dancing. He loved to see the girls and men of the summer colony arrive, the former treading the soft grass in filmy white gowns and white slippers, the latter in white ducks and flannels, gaily chatting as they came. Christina would come to these affairs with her mother and brother, beautifully clad in white linen or lawns and laces, and he would be beside himself with chagrin that he had not practised dancing to the perfection of the art. He could dance now, but not like her brother or scores of men he saw upon the waxen floor. It hurt him. At times he would sit all alone after his splendid evenings with his love, dreaming of the beauty of it all. The stars would be as a great wealth of diamond seed flung from the lavish hand of an aimless sower. The hills would loom dark and tall. There was peace and quiet everywhere.
There were evenings when he sat on one of the grand verandas and watched them hang and string the gaps between the columns with soft, glowing Chinese lanterns, getting ready for the evening's dancing. He loved seeing the girls and guys from the summer colony arrive, the girls walking on the soft grass in flowing white dresses and white shoes, the guys in white pants and shirts, chatting cheerfully as they came. Christina would come to these events with her mother and brother, beautifully dressed in white linen or lace, and he would feel frustrated that he hadn't practiced dancing to perfection. He could dance now, but not like her brother or the many men he saw on the polished floor. It bothered him. Sometimes he would sit all alone after his wonderful evenings with his love, dreaming of how beautiful it all was. The stars would look like a wealth of diamond seeds scattered from the careless hand of an aimless sower. The hills would rise dark and tall. There was peace and quiet all around.
"Why may not life be always like this?" he would ask, and then he would answer himself out of his philosophy that it would become deadly after awhile, as does all unchanging beauty. The call of the soul is for motion, not peace. Peace after activity for a little while, then activity again. So must it be. He understood that.
"Why can't life always be like this?" he would ask, and then he would answer himself with his philosophy that it would eventually become boring, just like all unchanging beauty. The soul craves movement, not stillness. A bit of peace after some activity, then back to activity again. That's just how it is. He got that.
Just before he left for New York, Christina said to him:
Just before he left for New York, Christina told him:
"Now, when you see me again I will be Miss Channing of New York. You will be Mr. Witla. We will almost forget that we were ever here together. We will scarcely believe that we have seen what we have seen and done what we have done."
"Now, when you see me again, I'll be Miss Channing from New York. You'll be Mr. Witla. We'll almost forget that we were ever here together. We'll hardly believe that we've seen what we've seen and done what we've done."
"But, Christina, you talk as though everything were over. It isn't, is it?"
"But, Christina, you talk like everything's finished. It isn't, right?"
"We can't do anything like this in New York," she sighed. "I haven't time and you must work."
"We can't do anything like this in New York," she sighed. "I don't have time, and you need to work."
[Pg 164] There was a shade of finality in her tone.
[Pg 164] There was a sense of closure in her voice.
"Oh, Christina, don't talk so. I can't think that way. Please don't."
"Oh, Christina, don't say that. I can't think like that. Please don’t."
"I won't," she said. "We'll see. Wait till I get back."
"I won't," she said. "We'll see. Just wait until I get back."
He kissed her a dozen farewells and at the door held her close once more.
He kissed her a dozen goodbyes and at the door held her tight once more.
"Will you forsake me?" he asked.
"Will you abandon me?" he asked.
"No, you will forsake me. But remember, dear! Don't you see? You've had all. Let me be your wood nymph. The rest is commonplace."
"No, you will abandon me. But remember, dear! Don't you see? You've experienced everything. Let me be your wood nymph. The rest is ordinary."
He went back to his hotel with an ache in his heart, for he knew they had gone through all they ever would. She had had her summer with him. She had given him of herself fully. She wanted to be free to work now. He could not understand it, but he knew it to be so.
He returned to his hotel feeling heartbroken, knowing that they had reached the end of their time together. She had spent her summer with him, sharing herself completely. Now, she wanted the freedom to focus on her work. He didn’t get it, but he accepted that it was true.
CHAPTER XXV
It is a rather dreary thing to come back into the hot city in the summer after a period of beauty in the mountains. The quiet of the hills was in Eugene's mind, the glisten and babble of mountain streams, the soar and poise of hawks and buzzards and eagles sailing the crystal blue. He felt lonely and sick for awhile, out of touch with work and with practical life generally. There were little souvenirs of his recent happiness in the shape of letters and notes from Christina, but he was full of the premonition of the end which had troubled him on leaving.
It’s a pretty bleak feeling to return to the hot city in the summer after enjoying the beauty of the mountains. The peace of the hills lingered in Eugene’s mind, along with the sparkle and rush of mountain streams, the grace of hawks, buzzards, and eagles soaring in the clear blue sky. He felt lonely and a bit unwell for a while, disconnected from work and everyday life in general. There were small reminders of his recent happiness in the form of letters and notes from Christina, but he was overwhelmed by the sense of an ending that had troubled him when he left.
He must write to Angela. He had not thought of her all the time he had been gone. He had been in the habit of writing to her every third or fourth day at least; while of late his letters had been less passionate they had remained fairly regular. But now this sudden break coming—it was fully three weeks—made her think he must be ill, although she had begun to feel also that he might be changing. His letters had grown steadily less reminiscent of the joys they had experienced together and of the happiness they were anticipating, and more inclined to deal with the color and character of city life and of what he hoped to achieve. Angela was inclined to excuse much of this on the grounds of the special effort he was making to achieve distinction and a living income for themselves. But it was hard to explain three weeks of silence without something quite serious having happened.
He needs to write to Angela. He hadn’t thought of her the entire time he’s been away. He used to write to her at least every three or four days; although lately his letters had been less passionate, they were still pretty regular. But now, this sudden break—it’s been a full three weeks—led her to think he might be sick, though she also started to feel that he could be changing. His letters had gradually become less about the joys they shared and the happiness they were looking forward to, and more focused on the vibrancy and nature of city life and what he hoped to accomplish. Angela tended to excuse a lot of this because of the effort he was making to achieve success and support them. But it’s really hard to justify three weeks of silence without something serious having happened.
Eugene understood this. He tried to explain it on the grounds of illness, stating that he was now up and feeling much better. But when his explanation came, it had the hollow ring of insincerity. Angela wondered what the truth could be. Was he yielding to the temptation of that looser life that all artists were supposed to lead? She wondered and worried, for time was slipping away and he was setting no definite date for their much discussed nuptials.
Eugene got it. He tried to justify it by saying he was feeling better now. However, when he spoke, his words felt empty and insincere. Angela couldn’t help but wonder what the real story was. Was he giving in to the allure of that carefree lifestyle that artists were said to embrace? She pondered and worried, knowing that time was passing and he still hadn’t set a clear date for their long-talked-about wedding.
The trouble with Angela's position was that the delay involved practically everything which was important in her life. She was five years older than Eugene. She had long since lost that atmosphere of youth and buoyancy which is so characteristic of a girl between eighteen and twenty-two. Those few short years following, when the body of maidenhood blooms like a rose [Pg 166] and there is about it the freshness and color of all rich, new, lush life, were behind her. Ahead was that persistent decline towards something harder, shrewder and less beautiful. In the case of some persons the decline is slow and the fragrance of youth lingers for years, the artifices of the dressmaker, the chemist, and the jeweller being but little needed. In others it is fast and no contrivance will stay the ravages of a restless, eager, dissatisfied soul. Sometimes art combines with slowness of decay to make a woman of almost perennial charm, loveliness of mind matching loveliness of body, and taste and tact supplementing both. Angela was fortunate in being slow to fade and she had a loveliness of imagination and emotion to sustain her; but she had also a restless, anxious disposition of mind which, if it had not been stayed by the kindly color of her home life and by the fortunate or unfortunate intervention of Eugene at a time when she considered her ideal of love to have fairly passed out of the range of possibility, would already have set on her face the signs of old maidenhood. She was not of the newer order of femininity, eager to get out in the world and follow some individual line of self-development and interest. Rather was she a home woman wanting some one man to look after and love. The wonder and beauty of her dream of happiness with Eugene now made the danger of its loss and the possible compulsory continuance of a humdrum, underpaid, backwoods existence, heart-sickening.
The issue with Angela's situation was that the delay affected practically every important part of her life. She was five years older than Eugene. She had long lost that youthful energy and liveliness that is so typical of a girl between eighteen and twenty-two. Those few short years that follow, when a young woman blossoms like a rose and embodies the freshness and vibrancy of new life, were behind her. Ahead of her was a steady decline toward something harsher, wiser, and less beautiful. For some people, the decline is gradual, and the essence of youth lingers for years, needing little more than the tricks of a tailor, a beautician, and a jeweler. For others, it happens quickly, and no effort can prevent the effects of a restless, eager, dissatisfied spirit. Sometimes, art combines with a slow decay to create a woman of almost timeless charm, where the beauty of her mind matches her physical beauty, complemented by taste and finesse. Angela was lucky to fade slowly, and she had an imagination and emotional beauty to support her; however, she also had a restless, anxious nature that, if not tempered by the warm colors of her home life and the fortunate or unfortunate arrival of Eugene at a time when she thought her ideal of love was out of reach, would have already left marks of spinsterhood on her face. She didn't fit the newer model of femininity, eager to step into the world and pursue her individual path of self-growth and interest. Instead, she was a home-oriented woman who wanted one man to care for and love. The wonder and beauty of her dream of happiness with Eugene now made the fear of losing it, along with the potential for a dull, underpaid, mundane life, heartbreaking.
Meanwhile, as the summer passed, Eugene was casually enlarging his acquaintance with women. MacHugh and Smite had gone back home for the summer, and it was a relief from his loneliness to encounter one day in an editorial office, Norma Whitmore, a dark, keen, temperamental and moody but brilliant writer and editor who, like others before her, took a fancy to Eugene. She was introduced to him by Jans Jansen, Art Director of the paper, and after some light banter she offered to show him her office.
Meanwhile, as summer went by, Eugene was casually expanding his circle of women friends. MacHugh and Smite had gone back home for the summer, and it was a relief from his loneliness when he met Norma Whitmore one day in an editorial office. Norma was a smart, intense, temperamental, and sometimes moody but brilliant writer and editor who, like others before her, became interested in Eugene. She was introduced to him by Jans Jansen, the Art Director of the paper, and after some light conversation, she offered to show him her office.
She led the way to a little room no larger than six by eight where she had her desk. Eugene noticed that she was lean and sallow, about his own age or older, and brilliant and vivacious. Her hands took his attention for they were thin, shapely and artistic. Her eyes burned with a peculiar lustre and her loose-fitting clothes were draped artistically about her. A conversation sprang up as to his work, which she knew and admired, and he was invited to her apartment. He looked at Norma with an unconsciously speculative eye.
She led him to a small room that was no bigger than six by eight feet, where her desk was. Eugene noticed that she was slender and pale, around his age or slightly older, and full of life and energy. Her hands caught his attention; they were thin, elegant, and artistic. Her eyes shone with a unique brightness, and her loose-fitting clothes hung stylishly on her. They started talking about his work, which she was familiar with and admired, and she invited him to her apartment. He glanced at Norma with a subtly curious look.
Christina was out of the city, but the memory of her made [Pg 167] it impossible for him to write to Angela in his old vein of devotion. Nevertheless he still thought of her as charming. He thought that he ought to write more regularly. He thought that he ought pretty soon to go back and marry her. He was approaching the point where he could support her in a studio if they lived economically. But he did not want to exactly.
Christina was out of the city, but the memory of her made [Pg 167] it impossible for him to write to Angela in his usual way of devotion. Still, he regarded her as charming. He felt he should write more often. He thought he should probably go back and marry her soon. He was getting to a point where he could support her in a small apartment if they lived frugally. But he wasn't really sure he wanted that.
He had known her now for three years. It was fully a year and a half since he had seen her last. In the last year his letters had been less and less about themselves and more and more about everything else. He was finding the conventional love letters difficult. But he did not permit himself to realize just what that meant—to take careful stock of his emotions. That would have compelled him to the painful course of deciding that he could not marry her, and asking her to be released from his promise. He did not want to do that. Instead he parleyed, held by pity for her passing youth and her undeniable affection for him, by his sense of the unfairness of having taken up so much of her time to the exclusion of every other person who might have proposed to her, by sorrow for the cruelty of her position in being left to explain to her family that she had been jilted. He hated to hurt any person's feelings. He did not want to be conscious of the grief of any person who had come to suffering through him and he could not make them suffer very well and not be conscious. He was too tender hearted. He had pledged himself to Angela, giving her a ring, begging her to wait, writing her fulsome letters of protest and desire. Now, after three years, to shame her before her charming family—old Jotham, her mother, her sisters and brothers—it seemed a cruel thing to do, and he did not care to contemplate it.
He had known her for three years now. It had been a year and a half since he last saw her. Over the past year, his letters had gradually become less about their relationship and more about everything else. He was finding it hard to write the usual love letters. But he didn't allow himself to fully realize what that meant—taking a careful look at his feelings. Doing so would force him to choose the painful path of admitting he couldn’t marry her and asking her to release him from his promise. He didn’t want to do that. Instead, he procrastinated, held back by pity for her fading youth and her undeniable feelings for him, as well as his sense of unfairness for having taken up her time while excluding everyone else who might have proposed to her. He felt sorrow for the cruelty of her situation, having to explain to her family that she had been left. He hated hurting anyone’s feelings. He didn't want to be aware of the pain someone felt because of him, and he just couldn't inflict suffering without being conscious of it. He was too soft-hearted. He had promised himself to Angela, giving her a ring, asking her to wait, and writing her passionate letters full of protest and desire. Now, after three years, to shame her in front of her lovely family—old Jotham, her mother, her siblings—felt like a cruel thing to do, and he didn't want to think about it.
Angela, with her morbid, passionate, apprehensive nature, did not fail to see disaster looming in the distance. She loved Eugene passionately and the pent-up fires of her nature had been waiting all these years the warrant to express their ardor which marriage alone could confer. Eugene, by the charm of his manner and person, no less than by the sensuous character of some of his moods and the subtleties and refinements of his references to the ties of sex, had stirred her to anticipate a perfect fruition of her dreams, and she was now eager for that fruition almost to the point of being willing to sacrifice virginity itself. The remembrance of the one significant scene between her and Eugene tormented her. She felt that if his love was to terminate in indifference now it would have been better to have yielded then. She wished that she had not tried to save [Pg 168] herself. Perhaps there would have been a child, and he would have been true to her out of a sense of sympathy and duty. At least she would have had that crowning glory of womanhood, ardent union with her lover, and if worst had come to worst she could have died.
Angela, with her intense, passionate, and anxious nature, could easily sense disaster on the horizon. She loved Eugene deeply, and the bottled-up emotions within her had been waiting all these years for a reason to express their intensity, which only marriage could provide. Eugene, with his charming personality and good looks, as well as some of his sensual moods and subtle references to romantic connections, had made her hope for a perfect realization of her dreams. She was now so eager for that realization that she was almost willing to give up her virginity. The memory of their one significant moment together haunted her. She felt that if his love was going to end in indifference now, it would have been better to have given in back then. She regretted trying to hold back. Maybe there would have been a child, and he would have stayed true to her out of sympathy and obligation. At the very least, she would have experienced the ultimate joy of womanhood—an intense union with her lover—and if things had turned out badly, she could have accepted her fate.
She thought of the quiet little lake near her home, its glassy bosom a mirror to the sky, and how, in case of failure, she would have looked lying on its sandy bottom, her pale hair diffused by some aimless motion of the water, her eyes sealed by the end of consciousness, her hands folded. Her fancy outran her daring. She would not have done this, but she could dream about it, and it made her distress all the more intense.
She thought about the peaceful little lake near her home, its smooth surface reflecting the sky, and how, if she failed, she would be lying on its sandy bottom, her pale hair waving gently in the water, her eyes closed forever, her hands folded. Her imagination went beyond her courage. She wouldn’t actually do this, but she could dream about it, and that made her distress even more intense.
As time went by and Eugene's ardor did not revive, this problem of her love became more harrassing and she began to wonder seriously what she could do to win him back to her. He had expressed such a violent desire for her on his last visit, had painted his love in such glowing terms that she felt convinced he must love her still, though absence and the excitements of city life had dimmed the memory of her temporarily. She remembered a line in a comic opera which she and Eugene had seen together: "Absence is the dark room in which lovers develop negatives" and this seemed a case in point. If she could get him back, if he could be near her again, his old fever would develop and she would then find some way of making him take her, perhaps. It did not occur to her quite clearly just how this could be done at this time but some vague notion of self-immolation was already stirring vaguely and disturbingly in her brain.
As time passed and Eugene's passion didn't return, her love problem became more troubling, and she started to seriously think about what she could do to win him back. He had shown such intense longing for her during his last visit and had described his love in such glowing terms that she was convinced he still loved her, even though time apart and the excitement of city life had momentarily faded her from his mind. She recalled a line from a comic opera they had seen together: "Absence is the dark room in which lovers develop negatives," which felt relevant to her situation. If she could get him back, if he could be close to her again, his old feelings would resurface, and she might find a way to make him choose her. It didn’t quite occur to her how this could happen right now, but some vague idea of sacrificing herself was already stirring in her mind, unsettling her.
The trying and in a way disheartening conditions of her home went some way to sustain this notion. Her sister Marietta was surrounded by a score of suitors who were as eager for her love as a bee is for the honey of a flower, and Angela could see that they were already looking upon herself as an elderly chaperon. Her mother and father watched her going about her work and grieved because so good a girl should be made to suffer for want of a proper understanding. She could not conceal her feelings entirely and they could see at times that she was unhappy. She could see that they saw it. It was hard to have to explain to her sisters and brothers, who occasionally asked after Eugene, that he was doing all right, and never be able to say that he was coming for her some day soon.
The challenging and somewhat discouraging situation at home contributed to this belief. Her sister Marietta had a bunch of suitors who were as eager for her affection as a bee is for flower nectar, and Angela realized that they already viewed her as an old chaperone. Her parents observed her going about her duties and felt saddened that such a good girl had to suffer from a lack of proper understanding. She couldn't completely hide her emotions, and they occasionally noticed that she was unhappy. She could tell that they noticed. It was difficult to have to explain to her siblings, who sometimes asked about Eugene, that he was doing well, while never being able to say that he would come for her any time soon.
At first Marietta had been envious of her. She thought she would like to win Eugene for herself, and only consideration for Angela's age and the fact that she had not been [Pg 169] so much sought after had deterred her. Now that Eugene was obviously neglecting her, or at least delaying beyond any reasonable period, she was deeply sorry. Once, before she had grown into the age of courtship, she had said to Angela: "I'm going to be nice to the men. You're too cold. You'll never get married." And Angela had realized that it was not a matter of "too cold," but an innate prejudice against most of the types she met. And then the average man did not take to her. She could not spur herself to pleasure in their company. It took a fire like Eugene's to stir her mightily, and once having known that she could brook no other. Marietta realized this too. Now because of these three years she had cut herself off from other men, particularly the one who had been most attentive to her—faithful Victor Dean. The one thing that might save Angela from being completely ignored was a spirit of romance which kept her young in looks as in feelings.
At first, Marietta felt jealous of her. She thought she would like to win Eugene for herself, and only her consideration for Angela's age and the fact that she hadn't been so highly sought after stopped her. Now that Eugene was clearly neglecting her, or at least delaying things longer than reasonable, she felt really sorry. Once, before she had reached the age of dating, she told Angela, "I'm going to be nice to the guys. You're too cold. You'll never get married." And Angela realized it wasn't about being "too cold," but rather an inherent dislike for most of the guys she met. The average man just didn’t attract her. She couldn’t bring herself to enjoy their company. It took a spark like Eugene's to really move her, and once she experienced that, she couldn’t settle for anything less. Marietta understood this too. Now, after these three years, she had cut herself off from other guys, especially the one who had been most attentive to her—loyal Victor Dean. The one thing that might keep Angela from being completely overlooked was a sense of romance that kept her looking and feeling youthful.
With the fear of desertion in her mind Angela began to hint in her letters to Eugene that he should come back to see her, to express the hope in her letters that their marriage need not—because of any difficulty of establishing himself—be postponed much longer. She said to him over and over that she could be happy with him in a cottage and that she so longed to see him again. Eugene began to ask himself what he wanted to do.
With the fear of abandonment in her mind, Angela started to suggest in her letters to Eugene that he should come back to see her. She expressed hope in her letters that their marriage didn't have to be postponed much longer just because he was having trouble establishing himself. She told him repeatedly that she could be happy with him in a cottage and that she really wanted to see him again. Eugene began to wonder what he wanted to do.
The fact that on the passional side Angela appealed to him more than any woman he had ever known was a saving point in her favor at this juncture. There was a note in her make-up which was stronger, deeper, more suggestive of joy to come than anything he had found elsewhere. He remembered keenly the wonderful days he had spent with her—the one significant night when she begged him to save her against herself. All the beauty of the season with which she was surrounded at that time; the charm of her family, the odor of flowers and the shade of trees served to make a setting for her delightfulness which still endured with him as fresh as yesterday. Now, without having completed that romance—a very perfect flower—could he cast it aside?
The fact that Angela attracted him more than any woman he had ever met was a big plus for her right now. There was something in her personality that was stronger, deeper, and suggested more joy to come than anything else he had experienced. He vividly remembered the amazing days he spent with her—the one significant night when she asked him to save her from herself. All the beauty of the season surrounding her at that time, the charm of her family, the scent of flowers, and the shade of trees created a perfect backdrop for her charm, which still felt as fresh as yesterday. Now, could he really let go of that romance—a truly perfect flower—without having fully explored it?
At this time he was not entangled with any woman. Miriam Finch was too conservative and intellectual; Norma Whitmore not attractive enough. As for some other charming examples of femininity whom he had met here and there, he had not been drawn to them or they to him. Emotionally he was lonely and this for him was always a very susceptible mood. He could not make up his mind that the end had come with Angela.
At that moment, he wasn't involved with any woman. Miriam Finch was too serious and intellectual; Norma Whitmore didn't catch his eye. As for a few other charming women he'd met here and there, he felt no connection, and neither did they with him. Emotionally, he felt lonely, and this was always a vulnerable state for him. He couldn't convince himself that it was really over with Angela.
It so happened that Marietta, after watching her sister's [Pg 170] love affair some time, reached the conclusion that she ought to try to help her. Angela was obviously concealing a weariness of heart which was telling on her peace of mind and her sweetness of disposition. She was unhappy and it grieved her sister greatly. The latter loved her in a whole-hearted way, in spite of the fact that their affections might possibly have clashed over Eugene, and she thought once of writing in a sweet way and telling him how things were. She thought he was good and kind, that he loved Angela, that perhaps he was delaying as her sister said until he should have sufficient means to marry well, and that if the right word were said now he would cease chasing a phantom fortune long enough to realize that it were better to take Angela while they were still young, than to wait until they were so old that the romance of marriage would for them be over. She revolved this in her mind a long time, picturing to herself how sweet Angela really was, and finally nerved herself to pen the following letter, which she sent.
It happened that Marietta, after observing her sister's [Pg 170] relationship for a while, decided she should try to help her. Angela was clearly hiding a deep sadness that was affecting her peace of mind and her cheerful nature. She was unhappy, which deeply troubled her sister. Marietta loved her wholeheartedly, even though their feelings might have collided over Eugene. She considered writing a kind note to him, explaining the situation. She believed he was good and kind, that he loved Angela, and that maybe he was waiting, as her sister said, until he had enough money to marry well. She thought that if the right message was sent now, he might stop pursuing an elusive fortune long enough to see that it would be better to marry Angela while they were still young rather than wait until they were older and the romance of marriage had faded. She pondered this for a long time, imagining how sweet Angela truly was, and finally gathered the courage to write the following letter, which she sent.
Dear Eugene:
You will be surprised to get a letter from me and I want you
to promise me that you will never say anything about it to anyone—above
all never to Angela. Eugene, I have been watching her for a
long time now and I know she is not happy. She is so desperately
in love with you. I notice when a letter does not come promptly she
is downcast and I can't help seeing that she is longing to have you
here with her. Eugene, why don't you marry Angela? She is lovely
and attractive now and she is as good as she is beautiful. She doesn't
want to wait for a fine house and luxuries—no girl wants to do that,
Eugene, when she loves as I know Angela does you. She would
rather have you now when you are both young and can enjoy life
than any fine house or nice things you might give her later. Now,
I haven't talked to her at all, Eugene—never one word—and I know
it would hurt her terribly if she thought I had written to you. She
would never forgive me. But I can't help it. I can't bear to see
her grieving and longing, and I know that when you know you will
come and get her. Don't ever indicate in any way, please, that I wrote
to you. Don't write to me unless you want to very much. I would
rather you didn't. And tear up this letter. But do come for her
soon, Eugene, please do. She wants you. And she will make you a
perfectly wonderful wife for she is a wonderful girl. We all love
her so—papa and mamma and all. I hope you will forgive me. I
can't help it.
Dear Eugene:
You might be surprised to get a letter from me, and I want you to promise me that you’ll never mention this to anyone—especially not to Angela. Eugene, I’ve been observing her for a long time, and I know she’s not happy. She is so deeply in love with you. I notice that when a letter doesn't arrive on time, she gets downcast, and I can see that she longs to have you with her. Eugene, why don’t you marry Angela? She’s lovely and attractive now, and she’s just as good as she is beautiful. She doesn’t want to wait for a fancy house and luxuries—no girl wants that, Eugene, when she loves you as I know Angela does. She would rather have you now, while you’re both young and can enjoy life, than any nice house or things you might offer her later. Now, I haven’t talked to her at all, Eugene—not a word—and I know it would hurt her greatly if she thought I had written to you. She would never forgive me. But I can’t help it. I can’t stand seeing her grieve and long for you, and I know that once you understand, you’ll come to get her. Please never hint in any way that I wrote to you. Don’t write back unless you really want to. I’d prefer if you didn’t. And please tear up this letter. But do come for her soon, Eugene. She wants you. She will make you a truly wonderful wife because she’s a wonderful girl. We all love her so—mom, dad, and everyone. I hope you can forgive me. I can’t help it.
"With love I am yours,
"Marietta."
"With love, I’m yours,
"Marietta."
When Eugene received this letter he was surprised and astonished, but also distressed for himself and Angela and Marietta and the whole situation. The tragedy of this situation appealed to him perhaps as much from the dramatic as from the [Pg 171] personal point of view. Little Angela, with her yellow hair and classic face. What a shame that they could not be together as she wished; as really, in a way, he wished. She was beautiful—no doubt of that. And there was a charm about her which was as alluring as that of any girl barring the intellectually exceptional. Her emotions in a way were deeper than those of Miriam Finch and Christina Channing. She could not reason about them—that was all. She just felt them. He saw all the phases of her anguish—the probable attitude of her parents, her own feelings at being looked at by them, the way her friends wondered. It was a shame, no doubt of that—a cruel situation. Perhaps he had better go back. He could be happy with her. They could live in a studio and no doubt things would work out all right. Had he better be cruel and not go? He hated to think of it.
When Eugene got this letter, he was shocked and amazed, but also worried for himself, Angela, Marietta, and the whole situation. The tragedy of what was happening struck him as much from a dramatic angle as from a personal one. Little Angela, with her blonde hair and classic features. What a shame they couldn’t be together like she wanted; as, in a way, he wanted too. She was stunning—there was no doubt about that. And there was a charm about her that was just as captivating as that of any girl, except for the truly exceptional ones. Her feelings were, in a way, deeper than those of Miriam Finch and Christina Channing. She couldn’t analyze them—that was all. She just experienced them. He could see all the aspects of her distress—the likely reactions of her parents, her own feelings being scrutinized by them, the way her friends speculated. It was definitely a shame—a cruel situation. Maybe he should go back. He could be happy with her. They could live in a studio, and things would probably turn out fine. Should he be cruel and stay away? He hated to think about it.
Anyhow he did not answer Marietta's letter, and he did tear it up into a thousand bits, as she requested. "If Angela knew no doubt she would feel wretched," he thought.
Anyway, he didn't reply to Marietta's letter, and he did tear it up into a thousand pieces, just like she asked. "If Angela knew, she would definitely feel awful," he thought.
In the meanwhile Angela was thinking, and her brooding led her to the conclusion that it might be advisable, if ever her lover came back, to yield herself in order that he might feel compelled to take her. She was no reasoner about life in any big sense. Her judgment of affairs was more confused at this time than at a later period. She had no clear conception of how foolish any trickery of this sort would be. She loved Eugene, felt that she must have him, felt that she would be willing to die rather than lose him and the thought of trickery came only as a last resource. If he refused her she was determined on one thing—the lake. She would quit this dreary world where love was crossed with despair in its finest moments; she would forget it all. If only there were rest and silence on the other side that would be enough.
In the meantime, Angela was deep in thought, and her reflections led her to conclude that it might be best, if her lover ever returned, to give herself to him so he would feel obligated to take her. She wasn’t really someone who thought about life in a big-picture way. Her judgment about things was more chaotic at this moment than it would be later. She didn’t fully grasp how foolish this kind of manipulation would be. She loved Eugene, felt that she needed him, and knew she would rather die than lose him; the idea of trickery only surfaced as a last resort. If he rejected her, she was set on one thing—the lake. She would leave this miserable world where love was intertwined with despair even in its best moments; she would forget everything. If only there were rest and silence on the other side, that would be enough.
The year moved on toward spring and because of some note of this, reiterated in pathetic phrases, he came to feel that he must go back. Marietta's letter preyed on his mind. The intensity of Angela's attitude made him feel that something desperate would happen. He could not, in cold blood, sit down and write her that he would not see her any more. The impressions of Blackwood were too fresh in his mind—the summer incense and green beauty of the world in which she lived. He wrote in April that he would come again in June, and Angela was beside herself with joy.
The year moved into spring, and because of this, expressed in emotional words, he began to feel that he had to go back. Marietta's letter weighed heavily on his mind. The intensity of Angela's feelings made him think something serious was going to happen. He couldn't calmly sit down and tell her that he wouldn't see her anymore. The memories of Blackwood were still vivid in his mind—the summer scents and lush beauty of the world she lived in. He wrote in April that he would return in June, and Angela was overjoyed.
One of the things which helped Eugene to this conclusion was the fact that Christina Channing was not coming back from [Pg 172] Europe that year. She had written a few times during the winter, but very guardedly. A casual reader could not have drawn from what she said that there had ever been anything between them. He had written much more ardently, of course, but she had chosen to ignore his eager references, making him feel by degrees that he was not to know much of her in the future. They were going to be good friends, but not necessarily lovers nor eventually husband and wife. It irritated him to think she could be so calm about a thing which to him seemed so important. It hurt his pride to think she could so deliberately throw him over. Finally he began to be incensed, and then Angela's fidelity appeared in a much finer light. There was a girl who would not treat him so. She really loved him. She was faithful and true. So his promised trip began to look much more attractive, and by June he was in a fever to see her.
One of the things that led Eugene to this conclusion was the fact that Christina Channing wasn’t coming back from [Pg 172] Europe that year. She had written a few times during the winter, but very cautiously. A casual reader wouldn’t have guessed from her letters that there had ever been anything between them. He, of course, had written much more passionately, but she had chosen to overlook his eager comments, gradually making him feel that he wouldn’t be part of her life much longer. They were going to be good friends, but not necessarily lovers or ultimately spouses. It frustrated him to think she could be so indifferent about something that seemed so significant to him. It hurt his pride to think she could so intentionally move on. Eventually, he started to get angry, and Angela’s loyalty began to look much better in comparison. There was a girl who wouldn’t treat him that way. She truly loved him. She was faithful and true. So his planned trip started to seem much more appealing, and by June, he was eager to see her.
CHAPTER XXVI
The beautiful June weather arrived and with it Eugene took his departure once more for Blackwood. He was in a peculiar mood, for while he was anxious to see Angela again it was with the thought that perhaps he was making a mistake. A notion of fatality was beginning to run through his mind. Perhaps he was destined to take her! and yet, could anything be more ridiculous? He could decide. He had deliberately decided to go back there—or had he? He admitted to himself that his passion was drawing him—in fact he could not see that there was anything much in love outside of passion. Desire! Wasn't that all that pulled two people together? There was some little charm of personality above that, but desire was the keynote. And if the physical attraction were strong enough, wasn't that sufficient to hold two people together? Did you really need so much more? It was logic based on youth, enthusiasm and inexperience, but it was enough to hold him for the time being—to soothe him. To Angela he was not drawn by any of the things which drew him to Miriam Finch and Norma Whitmore, nor was there the wonderful art of Christina Channing. Still he was going.
The beautiful June weather finally arrived, and with it, Eugene set off for Blackwood again. He felt a bit strange, as he was eager to see Angela, but he couldn’t shake the feeling that he might be making a mistake. An idea of fate was starting to creep into his thoughts. Maybe he was meant to be with her! But then again, how absurd was that? He could make a choice. He had intentionally decided to return—hadn't he? He had to admit to himself that his desire was leading him—after all, he couldn’t see much in love apart from passion. Wasn't that all that connected two people? There was some slight charm of personality beyond that, but desire was the main thing. And if the physical attraction was strong enough, wasn't that enough to keep two people together? Did you really need anything more than that? It was a logic rooted in youth, enthusiasm, and inexperience, but it was enough to satisfy him for now—to comfort him. He wasn’t drawn to Angela the same way he had been to Miriam Finch and Norma Whitmore, nor was there the incredible allure of Christina Channing. Still, he was going.
His interest in Norma Whitmore had increased greatly as the winter passed. In this woman he had found an intellect as broadening and refining as any he had encountered. Her taste for the exceptional in literature and art was as great as that of anyone he had ever known and it was just as individual. She ran to impressive realistic fiction in literature and to the kind of fresh-from-the-soil art which Eugene represented. Her sense of just how big and fresh was the thing he was trying to do was very encouraging, and she was carrying the word about town to all her friends that he was doing it. She had even gone so far as to speak to two different art dealers asking them why they had not looked into what seemed to her his perfectly wonderful drawings.
His interest in Norma Whitmore had grown significantly as winter went on. He found in her an intellect as broadening and refined as anyone he had ever met. Her appreciation for exceptional literature and art was as great as anyone else's he had known, and it was just as unique. She favored impressive realistic fiction in literature and the kind of raw, authentic art that Eugene created. Her understanding of how impactful and fresh his work was was very encouraging, and she was spreading the word around town to all her friends that he was making it happen. She even went so far as to talk to two different art dealers, asking them why they hadn’t looked into what she thought were his absolutely amazing drawings.
"Why, they're astonishing in their newness," she told Eberhard Zang, one of the important picture dealers on Fifth Avenue. She knew him from having gone there to borrow pictures for reproduction.
"Wow, they're incredible in their freshness," she told Eberhard Zang, one of the key art dealers on Fifth Avenue. She knew him from visiting to borrow artworks for reproduction.
"Witla! Witla!" he commented in his conservative German [Pg 174] way, rubbing his chin, "I doand remember seeing anything by him."
"Witla! Witla!" he said in his traditional German way, rubbing his chin, "I don't remember seeing anything by him."
"Of course you don't," replied Norma persistently. "He's new, I tell you. He hasn't been here so very long. You get Truth for some week in last month—I forget which one—and see that picture of Greeley Square. It will show you what I mean."
"Of course you don't," Norma insisted. "He's new, I'm telling you. He hasn't been here very long. You get Truth from some week last month—I can't remember which one—and check out that picture of Greeley Square. It'll show you what I mean."
"Witla! Witla!" repeated Zang, much as a parrot might fix a sound in its memory. "Tell him to come in here and see me some day. I should like to see some of his things."
"Witla! Witla!" Zang repeated, like a parrot might remember a sound. "Tell him to come in here and see me sometime. I'd like to check out some of his stuff."
"I will," said Norma, genially. She was anxious to have Eugene go, but he was more anxious to get a lot of things done before he had an exhibition. He did not want to risk an impression with anything short of a rather extensive series. And his collection of views was not complete at that time. Besides he had a much more significant art dealer in mind.
"I will," said Norma cheerfully. She was eager for Eugene to leave, but he was even more eager to finish a lot of things before his exhibition. He didn't want to risk making an impression with anything less than a fairly extensive series. And at that moment, his collection of views wasn't complete. Plus, he had a much more important art dealer in mind.
He and Norma had reached the point by this time where they were like brother and sister, or better yet, two good men friends. He would slip his arm about her waist when entering her rooms and was free to hold her hands or pat her on the arm or shoulder. There was nothing more than strong good feeling on his part, while on hers a burning affection might have been inspired, but his genial, brotherly attitude convinced her that it was useless. He had never told her of any of his other women friends and he was wondering as he rode west how she and Miriam Finch would take his marriage with Angela, supposing that he ever did marry her. As for Christina Channing, he did not want to think—really did not dare to think of her very much. Some sense of lost beauty came to him out of that experience—a touch of memory that had a pang in it.
He and Norma had gotten to the point where they felt like siblings, or even better, really close friends. He would put his arm around her waist when he entered her rooms and felt comfortable holding her hands or giving her a light pat on the arm or shoulder. He had nothing but strong, positive feelings for her, while she might have had some deep affection growing, but his friendly, brotherly demeanor made her think it was pointless. He had never mentioned any of his other female friends to her, and as he rode west, he wondered how she and Miriam Finch would react to his potential marriage to Angela, if he ever went through with it. As for Christina Channing, he didn’t want to think about her—he really didn’t dare to dwell on her too much. A sense of lost beauty washed over him from that experience—a bittersweet memory that brought him a pang of sadness.
Chicago in June was just a little dreary to him with its hurry of life, its breath of past experience, the Art Institute, the Daily Globe building, the street and house in which Ruby had lived. He wondered about her (as he had before) the moment he neared the city, and had a strong desire to go and look her up. Then he visited the Globe offices, but Mathews had gone. Genial, cheerful Jerry had moved to Philadelphia recently, taking a position on the Philadelphia North American, leaving Howe alone, more finicky and picayune than ever. Goldfarb, of course, was gone and Eugene felt out of it. He was glad to take the train for Blackwood, for he felt lonesome. He left the city with quite an ache for old times in his heart and [Pg 175] the feeling that life was a jumble of meaningless, strange and pathetic things.
Chicago in June felt a bit gloomy to him with its fast-paced life, echoes of past experiences, the Art Institute, the Daily Globe building, and the street and house where Ruby had lived. As he approached the city, he thought about her (as he had before) and strongly wanted to go find her. Then he went to the Globe offices, but Mathews was gone. Friendly, upbeat Jerry had moved to Philadelphia recently, taking a job with the Philadelphia North American, leaving Howe alone, more picky and irritable than ever. Goldfarb was, of course, gone, and Eugene felt out of place. He was glad to catch the train for Blackwood because he felt lonely. He left the city with a deep longing for the past in his heart and [Pg 175] the sense that life was just a confusing mix of meaningless, strange, and sad things.
"To think that we should grow old," he pondered, "that things that were as real as these things were to me, should become mere memories."
"To think that we’re going to get old," he mused, "that things that felt as real as these do to me, will just turn into memories."
The time just before he reached Blackwood was one of great emotional stress for Angela. Now she was to learn whether he really loved her as much as he had. She was to feel the joy of his presence, the subtle influence of his attitude. She was to find whether she could hold him or not. Marietta, who on hearing that he was coming, had rather plumed herself that her letter had had something to do with it, was afraid that her sister would not make good use of this opportune occasion. She was anxious that Angela should look her best, and made suggestions as to things she might wear, games she might play (they had installed tennis and croquet as part of the home pleasures since he had been there last) and places they might go to. Marietta was convinced that Angela was not artful enough—not sufficiently subtle in her presentation of her charms. He could be made to feel very keen about her if she dressed right and showed herself to the best advantage. Marietta herself intended to keep out of the way as much as possible when Eugene arrived, and to appear at great disadvantage in the matter of dress and appearance when seen; for she had become a perfect beauty and was a breaker of hearts without conscious effort.
The time just before he reached Blackwood was really stressful for Angela. Now she was about to find out if he really loved her as much as he once did. She was going to feel the joy of having him around and the subtle way his attitude affected her. She needed to discover if she could keep him in her life. Marietta, who felt a bit proud that her letter had played a part in his visit, worried that her sister might not take full advantage of this perfect opportunity. She wanted Angela to look her best and suggested outfits, games they could play (since he had last been there, they had started playing tennis and croquet), and places they could go. Marietta believed Angela wasn’t clever enough—not subtle enough in showcasing her charms. If Angela dressed well and highlighted her best features, he would be drawn to her. Marietta planned to stay out of the way as much as possible when Eugene arrived and to appear less polished in terms of dress and looks when she was seen; she had become a stunning beauty and could break hearts effortlessly.
"You know that string of coral beads I have, Angel Face," she asked Angela one morning some ten days before Eugene arrived. "Wear them with that tan linen dress of mine and your tan shoes some day for Eugene. You'll look stunning in those things and he'll like you. Why don't you take the new buggy and drive over to Blackwood to meet him? That's it. You must meet him."
"You know that strand of coral beads I have, Angel Face," she said to Angela one morning about ten days before Eugene arrived. "Wear them with my tan linen dress and your tan shoes for Eugene someday. You'll look amazing in that, and he'll like you. Why don't you take the new buggy and drive over to Blackwood to meet him? Yeah, that's it. You have to meet him."
"Oh, I don't think I want to, Babyette," she replied. She was afraid of this first impression. She did not want to appear to run after him. Babyette was a nickname which had been applied to Marietta in childhood and had never been dropped.
"Oh, I don't think I want to, Babyette," she replied. She was worried about this first impression. She didn't want to seem like she was chasing after him. Babyette was a nickname that had been given to Marietta in childhood and had never been let go.
"Oh, pshaw, Angel Face, don't be so backward! You're the shyest thing I know. Why that's nothing. He'll like you all the better for treating him just a little smartly. You do that now, will you?"
"Oh, come on, Angel Face, don’t be so shy! You’re the most reserved person I know. That’s nothing. He’ll actually like you more if you play a little hard to get. Just do that for me, okay?"
"I can't," replied Angela. "I can't do it that way. Let him come over here first; then I'll drive him over some afternoon."
"I can't," Angela replied. "I can't do it like that. Let him come here first; then I'll drive him over one afternoon."
[Pg 176] "Oh, Angel Face! Well, anyhow, when he comes you must wear that little rose flowered house dress and put a wreath of green leaves in your hair."
[Pg 176] "Oh, Angel Face! Anyway, when he arrives, you have to wear that cute rose-patterned house dress and put a crown of green leaves in your hair."
"Oh, I won't do anything of the sort, Babyette," exclaimed Angela.
"Oh, I won't do anything like that, Babyette," exclaimed Angela.
"Yes, you will," replied her sister. "Now you just have to do what I tell you for once. That dress looks beautiful on you and the wreath will make it perfect."
"Yes, you will," replied her sister. "Now you just have to do what I say for once. That dress looks amazing on you, and the wreath will make it perfect."
"It isn't the dress. I know that's nice. It's the wreath."
"It’s not the dress. I know that’s nice. It’s the wreath."
Marietta was incensed by this bit of pointless reserve.
Marietta was furious about this unnecessary restraint.
"Oh, Angela," she exclaimed, "don't be so silly. You're older than I am, but I know more about men in a minute than you'll ever know. Don't you want him to like you? You'll have to be more daring—goodness! Lots of girls would go a lot farther than that."
"Oh, Angela," she said, "stop being so ridiculous. You're older than I am, but I can figure out guys way better than you could in a lifetime. Don’t you want him to like you? You need to be bolder—seriously! A lot of girls would take it much further than that."
She caught her sister about the waist and looked into her eyes. "Now you've got to wear it," she added finally, and Angela understood that Marietta wanted her to entice Eugene by any means in her power to make him declare himself finally and set a definite date or take her back to New York with him.
She grabbed her sister around the waist and looked into her eyes. "Now you have to wear it," she said at last, and Angela realized that Marietta wanted her to charm Eugene by any means necessary to get him to commit and set a date or take her back to New York with him.
There were other conversations in which a trip to the lake was suggested, games of tennis, with Angela wearing her white tennis suit and shoes, a country dance which might be got up—there were rumors of one to be given in the new barn of a farmer some seven miles away. Marietta was determined that Angela should appear youthful, gay, active, just the things which she knew instinctively would fascinate Eugene.
There were other talks about going to the lake, playing tennis, with Angela in her white tennis outfit and shoes, and a country dance that was supposedly being organized—rumors were that it would be held in the new barn of a farmer located about seven miles away. Marietta was set on making sure Angela looked youthful, cheerful, and energetic, just the qualities she instinctively knew would intrigue Eugene.
Finally Eugene came. He arrived at Blackwood at noon. Despite her objections Angela met him, dressed smartly and, as urged by Marietta, carrying herself with an air. She hoped to impress Eugene with a sense of independence, but when she saw him stepping down from the train in belted corduroy travelling suit with a grey English travelling cap, carrying a green leather bag of the latest design, her heart misgave her. He was so worldly now, so experienced. You could see by his manner that this country place meant little or nothing to him. He had tasted of the world at large.
Finally, Eugene arrived. He got to Blackwood at noon. Despite her reservations, Angela met him, dressed elegantly and, following Marietta's advice, carrying herself confidently. She wanted to impress Eugene with a sense of independence, but when she saw him stepping off the train in a stylish belted corduroy suit and a grey English cap, carrying a trendy green leather bag, she felt her heart sink. He seemed so worldly now, so experienced. You could tell by his demeanor that this rural place didn’t hold much significance for him. He had experienced the broader world.
Angela had stayed in her buggy at the end of the depot platform and she soon caught Eugene's eye and waved to him. He came briskly forward.
Angela had remained in her stroller at the end of the depot platform, and she quickly caught Eugene's attention and waved to him. He walked over with purpose.
"Why, sweet," he exclaimed, "here you are. How nice you look!" He jumped up beside her, surveying her critically and she could feel his examining glance. After the first pleasant impression [Pg 177] he sensed the difference between his new world and hers and was a little depressed by it. She was a little older, no doubt of that. You cannot hope and yearn and worry for three years and not show it. And yet she was fine and tender and sympathetic and emotional. He felt all this. It hurt him a little for her sake and his too.
"Wow, sweetie," he said, "there you are. You look great!" He jumped up next to her, checking her out, and she could feel his gaze on her. After the initial nice feeling, he noticed the difference between his new life and hers, and it made him a bit down. She was definitely a bit older, no doubt about it. You can’t hope, long for, and stress over something for three years without it showing. And yet she was wonderful, gentle, understanding, and emotional. He felt all of this. It hurt him a little for both her and himself.
"Well, how have you been?" he asked. They were in the confines of the village and no demonstration could be made. Until the quiet of a country road could be reached all had to be formal.
"Well, how have you been?" he asked. They were in the village, and no show of emotion could be made. Until they reached the peace of a country road, everyone had to be formal.
"Oh, just the same, Eugene, longing to see you."
"Oh, still the same, Eugene, eager to see you."
She looked into his eyes and he felt the impact of that emotional force which governed her when she was near him. There was something in the chemistry of her being which roused to blazing the ordinarily dormant forces of his sympathies. She tried to conceal her real feeling—to pretend gaiety and enthusiasm, but her eyes betrayed her. Something roused in him now at her look—a combined sense of emotion and desire.
She gazed into his eyes, and he felt the weight of the emotions that surrounded her whenever she was close to him. There was something in her essence that ignited the usually quiet feelings of compassion within him. She attempted to hide her true feelings—putting on an act of cheerfulness and excitement—but her eyes gave her away. In that moment, something stirred inside him at her glance—a mix of emotion and longing.
"It's so fine to be out in the country again," he said, pressing her hand, for he was letting her drive. "After the city, to see you and the green fields!" He looked about at the little one-storey cottages, each with a small plot of grass, a few trees, a neat confining fence. After New York and Chicago, a village like this was quaint.
"It's great to be back in the countryside," he said, squeezing her hand as he let her take the wheel. "After the city, being with you and seeing the green fields!" He glanced around at the small one-story cottages, each with a little patch of grass, a few trees, and a tidy fence. Compared to New York and Chicago, a village like this felt charming.
"Do you love me just as much as ever?"
"Do you love me just as much as you always have?"
She nodded her head. They reached a strip of yellow road, he asking after her father, her mother, her brothers and sisters, and when he saw that they were unobserved he slipped his arm about her and drew her head to him.
She nodded. They arrived at a stretch of yellow road, with him asking about her father, her mother, her brothers, and sisters. When he noticed they were alone, he put his arm around her and pulled her close.
"Now we can," he said.
"Now we can," he said.
She felt the force of his desire but she missed that note of adoration which had seemed to characterize his first lovemaking. How true it was he had changed! He must have. The city had made her seem less significant. It hurt her to think that life should treat her so. But perhaps she could win him back—could hold him anyhow.
She felt the intensity of his desire, but she missed that sense of adoration that had defined their first time together. How true it was that he had changed! He must have. The city made her feel less important. It hurt to think life could treat her this way. But maybe she could win him back—could at least keep him around.
They drove over toward Okoonee, a little crossroads settlement, near a small lake of the same name, a place which was close to the Blue house, and which the Blue's were wont to speak of as "home." On the way Eugene learned that her youngest brother David was a cadet at West Point now and doing splendidly. Samuel had become western freight agent of the Great Northern and was on the way to desirable promotion. Benjamin had completed his law studies and was practising [Pg 178] in Racine. He was interested in politics and was going to run for the state legislature. Marietta was still the gay carefree girl she had always been, not at all inclined to choose yet among her many anxious suitors. Eugene thought of her letter to him—wondered if she would look her thoughts into his eyes when he saw her.
They drove over to Okoonee, a small crossroads settlement near a little lake with the same name, which was close to the Blue house, a place the Blues often referred to as "home." On the way, Eugene found out that her youngest brother David was now a cadet at West Point and doing great. Samuel had become the western freight agent for the Great Northern and was on track for a well-deserved promotion. Benjamin had finished his law studies and was practicing in Racine. He was getting interested in politics and was planning to run for the state legislature. Marietta was still the fun, carefree girl she had always been, not at all ready to choose among her many eager suitors. Eugene thought about her letter to him and wondered if she would look her thoughts into his eyes when he saw her.
"Oh, Marietta," Angela replied when Eugene asked after her, "she's just as dangerous as ever. She makes all the men make love to her."
"Oh, Marietta," Angela replied when Eugene asked about her, "she's just as dangerous as ever. She has all the men falling for her."
Eugene smiled. Marietta was always a pleasing thought to him. He wished for the moment that it was Marietta instead of Angela that he was coming to see.
Eugene smiled. Marietta was always a nice thought for him. He wished at that moment that it was Marietta instead of Angela that he was going to see.
She was as shrewd as she was kind in this instance. Her appearance on meeting Eugene was purposely indifferent and her attitude anything but coaxing and gay. At the same time she suffered a genuine pang of feeling, for Eugene appealed to her. If it were anybody but Angela, she thought, how she would dress and how quickly she would be coquetting with him. Then his love would be won by her and she felt that she could hold it. She had great confidence in her ability to keep any man, and Eugene was a man she would have delighted to hold. As it was she kept out of his way, took sly glances at him here and there, wondered if Angela would truly win him. She was so anxious for Angela's sake. Never, never, she told herself, would she cross her sister's path.
She was as clever as she was kind in this situation. When she met Eugene, she acted purposefully indifferent and her attitude was anything but friendly and cheerful. Still, she felt a real pang of emotion because Eugene attracted her. If it were anyone other than Angela, she thought, she would dress up and quickly flirt with him. Then his love would be hers to win, and she believed she could keep it. She was very confident in her ability to hold onto any man, and Eugene was someone she would have loved to keep close. Instead, she stayed out of his way, took sneaky glances at him here and there, and wondered if Angela would really win him over. She felt so concerned for Angela. Never, never, she promised herself, would she get in her sister's way.
At the Blue homestead he was received as cordially as before. After an hour it quite brought back the feeling of three years before. These open fields, this old house and its lovely lawn, all served to awaken the most poignant sensations. One of Marietta's beaux, over from Waukesha, appeared after Eugene had greeted Mrs. Blue and Marietta, and the latter persuaded him to play a game of tennis with Angela. She invited Eugene to make it a four with her, but not knowing how he refused.
At the Blue family home, he was welcomed just as warmly as before. After an hour, it completely brought back the feelings from three years ago. These open fields, this old house, and its beautiful lawn all stirred up the strongest emotions. One of Marietta's suitors, who came over from Waukesha, showed up after Eugene had greeted Mrs. Blue and Marietta, and Marietta convinced him to play a game of tennis with Angela. She asked Eugene to join them, but since he didn’t know how to play, he declined.
Angela changed to her tennis suit and Eugene opened his eyes to her charms. She was very attractive on the court, quick, flushed, laughing. And when she laughed she had a charming way of showing her even, small, white teeth. She quite awakened a feeling of interest—she looked so dainty and frail. When he saw her afterward in the dark, quiet parlor, he gathered her to his heart with much of the old ardour. She felt the quick change of feeling. Marietta was right. Eugene loved gaiety and color. Although on the way home she had despaired this was much more promising.
Angela changed into her tennis outfit, and Eugene opened his eyes to her beauty. She looked really good on the court—quick, flushed, and laughing. When she laughed, she had a delightful way of showing her small, even, white teeth. She definitely sparked his interest—she seemed so delicate and fragile. Later, when he saw her in the dim, quiet parlor, he embraced her with much of his old passion. She sensed the sudden change in his feelings. Marietta was right. Eugene loved joy and vibrancy. Although she had felt hopeless on the way home, this moment seemed much more hopeful.
Eugene rarely entered on anything half heartedly. If interested [Pg 179] at all he was greatly interested. He could so yield himself to the glamour of a situation as to come finally to believe that he was something which he was not. Thus, now he was beginning to accept this situation as Angela and Marietta wished he should, and to see her in somewhat the old light. He overlooked things which in his New York studio, surrounded by the influences which there modified his judgment, he would have seen. Angela was not young enough for him. She was not liberal in her views. She was charming, no doubt of that, but he could not bring her to an understanding of his casual acceptance of life. She knew nothing of his real disposition and he did not tell her. He played the part of a seemingly single-minded Romeo, and as such he was from a woman's point of view beautiful to contemplate. In his own mind he was coming to see that he was fickle but he still did not want to admit it to himself.
Eugene rarely approached anything half-heartedly. If he was interested at all, he was very invested. He could fully immerse himself in the allure of a situation to the point where he started to believe he was someone he wasn’t. Now, he was beginning to accept the situation the way Angela and Marietta wanted him to, seeing her in a somewhat familiar light. He overlooked things that, in his New York studio—where the influences modified his judgment—he would have noticed. Angela wasn't young enough for him. She didn't have liberal views. She was charming, no doubt about that, but he couldn't get her to understand his casual approach to life. She didn’t know his true disposition, and he didn’t tell her. He played the role of the seemingly devoted Romeo, and from a woman’s perspective, he was beautiful to admire. In his own mind, he was realizing that he was inconsistent, but he still didn’t want to admit it to himself.
There was a night of stars after an evening of June perfection. At five old Jotham came in from the fields, as dignified and patriarchal as ever. He greeted Eugene with a hearty handshake, for he admired him. "I see some of your work now and then," he said, "in these monthly magazines. It's fine. There's a young minister down here near the lake that's very anxious to meet you. He likes to get hold of anything you do, and I always send the books down as soon as Angela gets through with them."
There was a starry night following a perfectly lovely June evening. At five, old Jotham came in from the fields, looking as dignified and fatherly as always. He greeted Eugene with a strong handshake because he admired him. "I see some of your work now and then," he said, "in these monthly magazines. It's great. There's a young minister down by the lake who really wants to meet you. He likes to follow anything you create, and I always send the books down as soon as Angela finishes with them."
He used the words books and magazines interchangeably, and spoke as though they were not much more important to him than the leaves of the trees, as indeed, they were not. To a mind used to contemplating the succession of crops and seasons, all life with its multitudinous interplay of shapes and forms seemed passing shadows. Even men were like leaves that fall.
He used the terms books and magazines interchangeably, speaking as if they mattered to him no more than the leaves on trees, which they really didn’t. To a mind accustomed to thinking about the cycle of crops and seasons, all of life, with its endless mix of shapes and forms, felt like fleeting shadows. Even people were like leaves that fall.
Eugene was drawn to old Jotham as a filing to a magnet. His was just the type of mind that appealed to him, and Angela gained by the radiated glory of her father. If he was so wonderful she must be something above the average of womanhood. Such a man could not help but produce exceptional children.
Eugene was attracted to old Jotham like a filing to a magnet. His way of thinking was exactly the kind that captivated Eugene, and Angela benefited from the impressive aura of her father. If he was so remarkable, she had to be something special among women. A man like him couldn't help but have exceptional children.
Left alone together it was hardly possible for Angela and Eugene not to renew the old relationship on the old basis. Having gone as far as he had the first time it was natural that he should wish to go as far again and further. After dinner, when she turned to him from her room, arrayed in a soft evening dress of clinging texture—somewhat low in the neck by request of Marietta, who had helped her to dress—Eugene was conscious [Pg 180] of her emotional perturbation. He himself was distraught, for he did not know what he would do—how far he would dare to trust himself. He was always troubled when dealing with his physical passion, for it was a raging lion at times. It seemed to overcome him quite as a drug might or a soporific fume. He would mentally resolve to control himself, but unless he instantly fled there was no hope, and he did not seem able to run away. He would linger and parley, and in a few moments it was master and he was following its behest blindly, desperately, to the point almost of exposure and destruction.
Left alone together, it was nearly impossible for Angela and Eugene not to rekindle their old relationship in the same way as before. Having gone as far as he did the first time, it was natural for him to want to go that distance again and even further. After dinner, when she turned to him from her room, dressed in a soft evening gown that hugged her figure—somewhat low-cut at Marietta's request, who had helped her get ready—Eugene sensed her emotional turmoil. He himself was unsettled, unsure of what he would do or how much he could trust himself. He always felt anxious when it came to his physical desire, as it could be a raging lion at times. It felt overwhelming, much like a drug or a sedative. He would resolve mentally to keep control, but unless he fled immediately, there was no hope, and he couldn’t seem to bring himself to run away. He would hesitate and talk, and in just a few moments, it would take over, making him follow its commands blindly and desperately, nearly to the point of exposure and ruin.
Tonight when Angela came back he was cogitating, wondering what it might mean. Should he? Would he marry her? Could he escape? They sat down to talk, but presently he drew her to him. It was the old story—moment after moment of increasing feeling. Presently she, from the excess of longing and waiting was lost to all sense of consideration. And he—
Tonight when Angela returned, he was deep in thought, pondering what it all meant. Should he? Would he marry her? Could he get away? They sat down to talk, but soon he pulled her close. It was the same old story—moment after moment of growing emotions. Soon, she, overwhelmed by longing and anticipation, lost all sense of restraint. And he—
"I shall have to go away, Eugene," she pleaded, when he carried her recklessly into his room, "if anything happens. I cannot stay here."
"I have to leave, Eugene," she pleaded, as he recklessly carried her into his room, "if anything happens. I can't stay here."
"Don't talk," he said. "You can come to me."
"Don't say anything," he said. "You can come to me."
"You mean it, Eugene, surely?" she begged.
"You really mean it, Eugene, right?" she pleaded.
"As sure as I'm holding you here," he replied.
"As sure as I'm holding you here," he said.
At midnight Angela lifted frightened, wondering, doubting eyes, feeling herself the most depraved creature. Two pictures were in her mind alternately and with pendulum-like reiteration. One was a composite of a marriage altar and a charming New York studio with friends coming in to see them much as he had often described to her. The other was of the still blue waters of Okoonee with herself lying there pale and still. Yes, she would die if he did not marry her now. Life would not be worth while. She would not force him. She would slip out some night when it was too late and all hope had been abandoned—when exposure was near—and the next day they would find her.
At midnight, Angela lifted her scared, wondering, and doubtful eyes, feeling like the most depraved person. Two images kept playing in her mind back and forth. One was a blend of a wedding altar and a cozy New York studio, with friends coming over to see them, just like he had often described. The other was of the still blue waters of Okoonee, with her lying there pale and motionless. Yes, she would die if he didn't marry her now. Life wouldn't be worth it. She wouldn’t force him. She would slip away one night when it was too late and all hope was gone—when exposure was imminent—and the next day they would find her.
Little Marietta how she would cry. And old Jotham—she could see him, but he would never be really sure of the truth. And her mother. "Oh God in heaven," she thought, "how hard life is! How terrible it can be."
Little Marietta, how she would cry. And old Jotham—she could see him, but he would never really know the truth. And her mother. "Oh God in heaven," she thought, "how tough life is! How awful it can be."
CHAPTER XXVII
The atmosphere of the house after this night seemed charged with reproach to Eugene, although it took on no semblance of reality in either look or word. When he awoke in the morning and looked through the half closed shutters to the green world outside he felt a sense of freshness and of shame. It was cruel to come into such a home as this and do a thing as mean as he had done. After all, philosophy or no philosophy, didn't a fine old citizen like Jotham, honest, upright, genuine in his moral point of view and his observance of the golden rule, didn't he deserve better from a man whom he so sincerely admired? Jotham had been so nice to him. Their conversations together were so kindly and sympathetic. Eugene felt that Jotham believed him to be an honest man. He knew he had that appearance. He was frank, genial, considerate, not willing to condemn anyone—but this sex question—that was where he was weak. And was not the whole world keyed to that? Did not the decencies and the sanities of life depend on right moral conduct? Was not the world dependent on how the homes were run? How could anyone be good if his mother and father had not been good before him? How could the children of the world expect to be anything if people rushed here and there holding illicit relations? Take his sister Myrtle, now—would he have wanted her rifled in this manner? In the face of this question he was not ready to say exactly what he wanted or was willing to countenance. Myrtle was a free agent, as was every other girl. She could do as she pleased. It might not please him exactly but—he went round and round from one problem to another, trying to untie this Gordian knot. One thing, this home had appeared sweet and clean when he came into it; now it was just a little tarnished, and by him! Or was it? His mind was always asking this question. There was nothing that he was actually accepting as true any more. He was going round in a ring asking questions of this proposition and that. Are you true? And are you true? And are you true? And all the while he was apparently not getting anywhere. It puzzled him, this life. Sometimes it shamed him. This deed shamed him. And he asked himself whether he was wrong to be ashamed or not. Perhaps he was just foolish. Was not life made for living, not worrying? He had not created his passions and desires.
The atmosphere of the house after that night felt heavy with blame towards Eugene, even though there was no clear sign of it in either looks or words. When he woke up in the morning and peered through the half-closed shutters at the lush world outside, he was struck by a mix of freshness and shame. It seemed cruel to enter a home like this and do something so petty. After all, regardless of philosophy, didn't a good, honest man like Jotham—genuine in his morals and adherence to the golden rule—deserve better from someone he held in high regard? Jotham had always been kind to him. Their conversations were warm and understanding. Eugene sensed that Jotham saw him as an honest person, and he knew he gave off that impression. He was open, friendly, and considerate, unwilling to judge anyone—but this issue of sex was his weakness. Wasn’t the entire world focused on that? Didn’t the decencies and normalcy of life rely on proper moral behavior? Wasn’t society dependent on how families were nurtured? How could anyone be good if their parents hadn't set a good example? How could the children of the world thrive if people flitted around, engaging in affairs? Take his sister Myrtle—would he have wanted her treated this way? Confronted with this dilemma, he couldn’t quite articulate what he wanted or what he could accept. Myrtle was an independent individual, like any other girl. She could choose her own path. It might not be what he would want, but—he kept going in circles, grappling with this tangled mess. One thing was clear: this home had felt welcoming and clean when he first came in; now it felt slightly tarnished, and by his actions! Or was it? His mind constantly questioned this. He wasn’t really sure what he accepted as true anymore. He was stuck in a loop, questioning the validity of this idea and that one. Are you true? And are you true? And are you true? Yet all the while, he seemed to be making no progress. Life puzzled him. At times, it left him feeling ashamed. This action shamed him. He questioned whether it was wrong to feel ashamed or if he was being foolish. Wasn't life meant for living, not for worry? He didn’t create his own passions and desires.
[Pg 182] He threw open the shutters and there was the bright day. Everything was so green outside, the flowers in bloom, the trees casting a cool, lovely shade, the birds twittering. Bees were humming. He could smell the lilacs. "Dear God," he exclaimed, throwing his arms above his head, "How lovely life is! How beautiful! Oh!" He drew in a deep breath of the flower and privet laden air. If only he could live always like this—for ever and ever.
[Pg 182] He flung open the shutters and was greeted by a bright day. Everything outside was so green, the flowers blooming, the trees providing a cool, lovely shade, and the birds chirping. Bees were buzzing. He could smell the lilacs. "Dear God," he exclaimed, raising his arms above his head, "How wonderful life is! How beautiful! Oh!" He took a deep breath of the air filled with flowers and privet. If only he could always live like this—forever and ever.
When he had sponged himself with cold water and dressed, putting on a soft negligée shirt with turn-down collar and dark flowing tie, he issued forth clean and fresh. Angela was there to greet him. Her face was pale but she looked intensely sweet because of her sadness.
When he splashed his face with cold water and got dressed, pulling on a soft, collared shirt and a dark, flowing tie, he came out looking clean and fresh. Angela was there to greet him. Her face was pale, but her sadness made her look incredibly sweet.
"There, there," he said, touching her chin, "less of that now!"
"There, there," he said, gently touching her chin, "let's not do that anymore!"
"I told them that I had a headache," she said. "So I have. Do you understand?"
"I told them I had a headache," she said. "So I do. Do you get it?"
"I understand your headache," he laughed. "But everything is all right—very much all right. Isn't this a lovely day!"
"I get what you're saying," he laughed. "But everything is fine—really fine. Isn't it a beautiful day!"
"Beautiful," replied Angela sadly.
"Beautiful," Angela replied sadly.
"Cheer up," he insisted. "Don't worry. Everything is coming out fine." He walked to the window and stared out.
"Cheer up," he urged. "Don't stress. Everything is turning out fine." He went to the window and looked outside.
"I'll have your breakfast ready in a minute," she said, and, pressing his hand, left him.
"I'll have your breakfast ready in a minute," she said, and giving his hand a squeeze, she walked away.
Eugene went out to the hammock. He was so deliciously contented and joyous now that he saw the green world about him, that he felt that everything was all right again. The vigorous blooming forces of nature everywhere present belied the sense of evil and decay to which mortality is so readily subject. He felt that everything was justified in youth and love, particularly where mutual affection reigned. Why should he not take Angela? Why should they not be together? He went in to breakfast at her call, eating comfortably of the things she provided. He felt the easy familiarity and graciousness of the conqueror. Angela on her part felt the fear and uncertainty of one who has embarked upon a dangerous voyage. She had set sail—whither? At what port would she land? Was it the lake or his studio? Would she live and be happy or would she die to face a black uncertainty? Was there a hell as some preachers insisted? Was there a gloomy place of lost souls such as the poets described? She looked into the face of this same world which Eugene found so beautiful and its very beauty trembled with forebodings of danger.
Eugene went out to the hammock. He felt so incredibly content and happy now that he saw the green world around him, that everything seemed to be okay again. The vibrant forces of nature everywhere contradicted the sense of evil and decay that mortality is so easily prone to. He believed that everything was justified in youth and love, especially where mutual affection existed. Why shouldn’t he be with Angela? Why shouldn’t they be together? He went inside for breakfast at her call, enjoying the food she made. He felt the easy confidence and charm of a victor. Angela, on the other hand, felt the fear and uncertainty of someone who has set off on a risky journey. She had set sail—where to? At what destination would she arrive? Was it the lake or his studio? Would she live happily, or would she face a bleak uncertainty? Did hell exist as some preachers claimed? Was there a dark place of lost souls like the poets described? She looked into the face of the same world that Eugene found so beautiful, and its very beauty trembled with hints of danger.
And there were days and days yet to be lived of this. For [Pg 183] all her fear, once having tasted of the forbidden fruit, it was sweet and inviting. She could not go near Eugene, nor he near her but this flush of emotion would return.
And there were many more days ahead of this. For [Pg 183] despite all her fears, once she had experienced the forbidden fruit, it was sweet and tempting. She couldn’t get close to Eugene, nor could he to her, but this surge of emotion would come back.
In the daylight she was too fearful, but when the night came with its stars, its fresh winds, its urge to desire, her fears could not stand in their way. Eugene was insatiable and she was yearning. The slightest touch was as fire to tow. She yielded saying she would not yield.
In the daylight, she was too scared, but when night fell with its stars, its cool breezes, and its call to desire, her fears couldn't hold her back. Eugene was relentless and she was longing for more. The slightest touch felt like sparks igniting a fire. She surrendered while claiming she wouldn't give in.
The Blue family were of course blissfully ignorant of what was happening. It seemed so astonishing to Angela at first that the very air did not register her actions in some visible way. That they should be able thus to be alone was not so remarkable, seeing that Eugene's courtship was being aided and abetted, for her sake, but that her lapse should not be exposed by some sinister influence seemed strange—accidental and subtly ominous. Something would happen—that was her fear. She had not the courage of her desire or need.
The Blue family was blissfully unaware of what was going on. At first, Angela found it hard to believe that the air didn’t react to her actions in any visible way. It wasn't so surprising that they could be alone, given that Eugene’s pursuit was being supported for her benefit, but it felt strange—almost accidentally ominous—that her mistake wasn’t being revealed by some hidden force. She feared something would happen. She didn’t have the courage to face her desires or needs.
By the end of the week, though Eugene was less ardent and more or less oppressed by the seeming completeness with which he had conquered, he was not ready to leave. He was sorry to go, for it ended a honeymoon of sweetness and beauty—all the more wonderful and enchanting because so clandestine—yet he was beginning to be aware that he had bound himself in chains of duty and responsibility. Angela had thrown herself on his mercy and his sense of honor to begin with. She had exacted a promise of marriage—not urgently, and as one who sought to entrap him, but with the explanation that otherwise life must end in disaster for her. Eugene could look in her face and see that it would. And now that he had had his way and plumbed the depths of her emotions and desires he had a higher estimate of her personality. Despite the fact that she was older than he, there was a breath of youth and beauty here that held him. Her body was exquisite. Her feeling about life and love was tender and beautiful. He wished he could make true her dreams of bliss without injury to himself.
By the end of the week, even though Eugene felt less passionate and somewhat weighed down by how completely he had succeeded, he wasn't ready to leave. He felt sad about it ending, as it marked the conclusion of a sweet and beautiful honeymoon—made even more wonderful and enchanting because it was so secretive. However, he was starting to realize that he had tied himself to chains of duty and responsibility. Angela had put herself in his hands, relying on his sense of honor from the beginning. She asked him to promise to marry her—not in a demanding way or like someone trying to trap him, but with the understanding that without this promise, her life would end in disaster. Eugene could see in her face that it truly would. Now that he had explored the depths of her emotions and desires, he had a greater appreciation for who she was. Despite being older than him, there was a youthful and beautiful essence about her that captivated him. Her body was stunning. Her feelings about life and love were tender and lovely. He wished he could fulfill her dreams of happiness without harming himself.
It so turned out that as his visit was drawing to a close Angela decided that she ought to go to Chicago, for there were purchases which must be made. Her mother wanted her to go and she decided that she would go with Eugene. This made the separation easier, gave them more time to talk. Her usual plan was to stay with her aunt and she was going there now.
It just happened that as his visit was wrapping up, Angela decided she should go to Chicago, because there were things she needed to buy. Her mom wanted her to go, and she decided she would go with Eugene. This made saying goodbye easier and gave them more time to chat. Her usual plan was to stay with her aunt, and that’s where she was headed now.
On the way she asked over and over what he would think of her in the future; whether what had passed would not lower [Pg 184] her in his eyes. He did not feel that it would. Once she said to him sadly—"only death or marriage can help me now."
On the way, she kept asking what he would think of her in the future; whether what had happened would lower her in his eyes. He didn’t think it would. At one point, she said to him sadly, "Only death or marriage can help me now."
"What do you mean?" he asked, her yellow head pillowed on his shoulder, her dark blue eyes looking sadly into his.
"What do you mean?" he asked, her blonde head resting on his shoulder, her dark blue eyes looking sadly into his.
"That if you don't marry me I'll have to kill myself. I can't stay at home."
"That if you don't marry me, I'll have to end my life. I can't stay at home."
He thought of her with her beautiful body, her mass of soft hair all tarnished in death.
He thought of her with her gorgeous body, her thick, soft hair all faded in death.
"You wouldn't do that?" he asked unbelievingly.
"You wouldn't do that?" he asked, unable to believe it.
"Yes, I would," she said sadly. "I must, I will."
"Yeah, I would," she said with a sigh. "I have to, I will."
"Hush, Angel Face," he pleaded. "You won't do anything like that. You won't have to. I'll marry you—How would you do it?"
"Hush, Angel Face," he urged. "You won't do anything like that. You won't need to. I'll marry you—How would you go about it?"
"Oh, I've thought it all out," she continued gloomily. "You know that little lake. I'd drown myself."
"Oh, I've figured it all out," she continued sadly. "You know that little lake. I’d drown myself."
"Don't, sweetheart," he pleaded. "Don't talk that way. It's terrible. You won't have to do anything like that."
"Please, sweetheart," he begged. "Don't say things like that. It's awful. You won't have to do anything like that."
To think of her under the waters of little Okoonee, with its green banks, and yellow sandy shores. All her love come to this! All her passion! Her death would be upon his head and he could not stand the thought of that. It frightened him. Such tragedies occasionally appeared in the papers with all the pathetic details convincingly set forth, but this should not enter his life. He would marry her. She was lovely after all. He would have to. He might as well make up his mind to that now. He began to speculate how soon it might be. For the sake of her family she wanted no secret marriage but one which, if they could not be present at it, they could at least know was taking place. She was willing to come East—that could be arranged. But they must be married. Eugene realized the depth of her conventional feeling so keenly that it never occurred to him to suggest an alternative. She would not consent, would scorn him for it. The only alternative, she appeared to believe, was death.
To think of her under the waters of little Okoonee, with its green banks and yellow sandy shores. All her love has come to this! All her passion! Her death would be on his conscience, and he couldn't bear to think about that. It terrified him. Such tragedies occasionally appeared in the news with all the heartbreaking details laid out, but this shouldn’t enter his life. He would marry her. She was beautiful after all. He would have to. He might as well accept that now. He started to wonder how soon it could happen. For the sake of her family, she didn’t want a secret marriage but one that, if they couldn’t be there, they could at least know was happening. She was willing to come East—that could be arranged. But they must get married. Eugene realized how deeply she felt about tradition and it never crossed his mind to suggest another option. She wouldn’t agree, she would look down on him for it. The only alternative, she seemed to believe, was death.
One evening—the last—when it was necessary for her to return to Blackwood, and he had seen her off on the train, her face a study in sadness, he rode out gloomily to Jackson Park where he had once seen a beautiful lake in the moonlight. When he reached there the waters of the lake were still suffused and tinged with lovely suggestions of lavender, pink and silver, for this was near the twenty-first of June. The trees to the east and west were dark. The sky showed a last blush of orange. Odours were about—warm June fragrance. He thought now, as he walked about the quiet paths where the sand and pebbles [Pg 185] crunched lightly beneath his feet, of all the glory of this wonderful week. How dramatic was life; how full of romance. This love of Angela's, how beautiful. Youth was with him—love. Would he go on to greater days of beauty or would he stumble, idling his time, wasting his substance in riotous living? Was this riotous living? Would there be evil fruition of his deeds? Would he really love Angela after he married her? Would they be happy?
One evening—the last—when she had to go back to Blackwood, and he had seen her off at the train station, her face full of sadness, he rode out sadly to Jackson Park where he had once seen a beautiful lake under the moonlight. When he arrived, the lake's waters were still filled with lovely shades of lavender, pink, and silver since it was close to June 21st. The trees to the east and west were dark. The sky showed a final hint of orange. The air was filled with warm June scents. As he walked along the quiet paths where the sand and pebbles [Pg 185] crunched lightly under his feet, he thought about all the glory of that amazing week. How dramatic life was; how full of romance. This love for Angela, how beautiful it was. Youth was with him—love. Would he move on to even more beautiful days, or would he just waste his time, squandering his resources on reckless living? Was this reckless living? Would his deeds lead to bad outcomes? Would he truly love Angela after they got married? Would they be happy?
Thus he stood by the bank of this still lake, studying the water, marvelling at the subtleties of reflected radiance, feeling the artist's joy in perfect natural beauty, twining and intertwining it all with love, death, failure, fame. It was romantic to think that in such a lake, if he were unkind, would Angela be found. By such a dark as was now descending would all her bright dreams be submerged. It would be beautiful as romance. He could imagine a great artist like Daudet or Balzac making a great story out of it. It was even a subject for some form of romantic expression in art. Poor Angela! If he were a great portrait painter he would paint her. He thought of some treatment of her in the nude with that mass of hair of hers falling about her neck and breasts. It would be beautiful. Should he marry her? Yes, though he was not sure of the outcome, he must. It might be a mistake but—
So, he stood by the shore of the calm lake, observing the water, amazed by the subtle reflections of light, feeling the artist's joy in perfect natural beauty, intertwining it all with themes of love, death, failure, and fame. It felt romantic to think that in such a lake, if he were cruel, Angela could be found. With the darkness that was now settling in, all her bright dreams might be drowned. It would be beautiful in a tragic way. He could picture a great artist like Daudet or Balzac crafting an epic story from it. It was even a subject for some form of artistic expression. Poor Angela! If he were a talented portrait painter, he would paint her. He imagined depicting her nude, with her thick hair cascading down her neck and shoulders. It would be stunning. Should he marry her? Yes, even though he wasn’t sure how it would turn out, he felt he had to. It might be a mistake, but—
He stared at the fading surface of the lake, silver, lavender, leaden gray. Overhead a vivid star was already shining. How would it be with her if she were really below those still waters? How would it be with him? It would be too desperate, too regretful. No, he must marry her. It was in this mood that he returned to the city, the ache of life in his heart. It was in this mood that he secured his grip from the hotel and sought the midnight train for New York. For once Ruby, Miriam, Christina, were forgotten. He was involved in a love drama which meant life or death to Angela, peace or reproach of conscience to himself in the future. He could not guess what the outcome would be, but he felt that he must marry her—how soon he could not say. Circumstances would dictate that. From present appearances it must be immediately. He must see about a studio, announce the news of his departure to Smite and MacHugh; make a special effort to further his art ambitions so that he and Angela would have enough to live on. He had talked so glowingly of his art life that now, when the necessity for demonstrating it was at hand, he was troubled as to what the showing might be. The studio had to be attractive. He would need to introduce his friends. All the way back to New York he [Pg 186] turned this over in his mind—Smite, MacHugh, Miriam, Norma, Wheeler, Christina—what would Christina think if she ever returned to New York and found him married? There was no question but that there was a difference between Angela and these. It was something—a matter of courage—more soul, more daring, more awareness, perhaps—something. When they saw her would they think he had made a mistake, would they put him down as a fool? MacHugh was going with a girl, but she was a different type—intellectual, smart. He thought and thought, but he came back to the same conclusion always. He would have to marry her. There was no way out. He would have to.
He gazed at the fading surface of the lake, shimmering silver, lavender, and dull gray. Above him, a bright star was already shining. What would it be like for her if she were truly beneath those still waters? What would it be like for him? It would be too desperate, too regretful. No, he had to marry her. It was in this mindset that he returned to the city, the ache of life weighing on his heart. With this thought, he let go of the hotel and headed for the midnight train to New York. For once, Ruby, Miriam, and Christina were forgotten. He was caught up in a love drama that meant life or death for Angela, and peace or a nagging conscience for himself in the future. He couldn’t predict the outcome, but he knew he had to marry her—how soon, he couldn’t say. It would depend on the circumstances. From what he could see, it needed to happen immediately. He had to look into getting a studio, inform Smite and MacHugh about his departure; make a concerted effort to pursue his art ambitions so that he and Angela could have enough to live on. He had talked so passionately about his art life that now, when the time to prove it had arrived, he was anxious about what his work would actually display. The studio had to be appealing. He would need to introduce her to his friends. All the way back to New York, he thought about Smite, MacHugh, Miriam, Norma, Wheeler, Christina—what would Christina think if she returned to New York and found him married? There was no doubt that Angela was different from them. It was something—a matter of courage—more soul, more daring, more awareness, maybe—something. When they met her, would they think he made a mistake? Would they see him as a fool? MacHugh was dating a girl, but she was a different kind—intellectual, sharp. He pondered endlessly, but he always came back to the same conclusion. He would have to marry her. There was no way around it. He had to.
CHAPTER XXVIII
The studio of Messrs. Smite, MacHugh and Witla in Waverley Place was concerned the following October with a rather picturesque event. Even in the city the time when the leaves begin to yellow and fall brings a sense of melancholy, augmented by those preliminaries of winter, gray, lowery days, with scraps of paper, straws, bits of wood blown about by gusty currents of air through the streets, making it almost disagreeable to be abroad. The fear of cold and storm and suffering among those who have little was already apparent. Apparent too was the air of renewed vitality common to those who have spent an idle summer and are anxious to work again. Shopping and marketing and barter and sale were at high key. The art world, the social world, the manufacturing world, the professional worlds of law, medicine, finance, literature, were bubbling with a feeling of the necessity to do and achieve. The whole city, stung by the apprehension of winter, had an atmosphere of emprise and energy.
The studio of Messrs. Smite, MacHugh, and Witla on Waverley Place was involved in a rather charming event the following October. Even in the city, the time when the leaves start to turn yellow and fall brings a sense of sadness, heightened by the early signs of winter—gray, dreary days—with bits of paper, straws, and small pieces of wood blown around by gusty winds through the streets, making it almost unpleasant to be outside. The fear of cold, storms, and hardship among those who have little was already noticeable. It was also clear that there was a renewed energy among those who had spent a lazy summer and were eager to get back to work. Shopping, marketing, bargaining, and selling were all in full swing. The art world, social circles, manufacturing sector, and professional fields of law, medicine, finance, and literature were buzzing with a sense of urgency to do and achieve. The entire city, tinged with the worry of winter, had an atmosphere of ambition and vitality.
In this atmosphere, with a fairly clear comprehension of the elements which were at work making the colour of the life about him, was Eugene, digging away at the task he had set himself. Since leaving Angela he had come to the conclusion that he must complete the jointings for the exhibition which had been running in his mind during the last two years. There was no other way for him to make a notable impression—he saw that. Since he had returned he had gone through various experiences: the experience of having Angela tell him that she was sure there was something wrong with her; an impression sincere enough, but based on an excited and overwrought imagination of evil to follow, and having no foundation in fact. Eugene was as yet, despite his several experiences, not sufficiently informed in such affairs to know. His lack of courage would have delayed him from asking if he had known. In the next place, facing this crisis, he had declared that he would marry her, and because of her distressed condition he thought he might as well do it now. He had wanted time to do some of the pictures he was working on, to take in a little money for drawing, to find a suitable place to live in. He had looked at various studios in various sections of the city and had found nothing, as yet, which answered to his taste or his purse. Anything with a proper light, a bath, [Pg 188] a suitable sleeping room, and an inconspicuous chamber which might be turned into a kitchen, was difficult to find. Prices were high, ranging from fifty to one hundred and twenty-five and one hundred and fifty a month. There were some new studios being erected for the rich loungers and idlers which commanded, so he understood, three or four thousand dollars a year. He wondered if he should ever attain to any such magnificence through his art.
In this environment, with a pretty clear understanding of the factors shaping the life around him, Eugene was diligently working on the project he had set for himself. After leaving Angela, he realized he needed to finish the pieces for the exhibition that had been on his mind for the past two years. He understood there was no other way for him to make a significant impact—he recognized that. Since returning, he had gone through various experiences: notably, Angela had told him she was sure something was wrong with her; her concern was genuine enough but rooted in an anxious and overstimulated imagination of impending doom, with no real basis in reality. Despite his various experiences, Eugene still lacked the knowledge in such matters to fully understand. His lack of courage would have prevented him from asking if he had been aware. Moreover, in light of this crisis, he had declared that he would marry her, reasoning that given her distressed state, he might as well do it now. He had wanted time to work on some of his paintings, to earn a bit of money from drawing, and to find a suitable place to live. He had checked out various studios across the city but had yet to find anything that suited his taste or budget. Finding a place with good light, a bathroom, a decent bedroom, and a discreet area that could be converted into a kitchen was proving to be challenging. Prices were steep, ranging from fifty to one hundred and twenty-five and even one hundred and fifty a month. Some new studios being built for the wealthy loungers and idle rich were going for, as he understood, three or four thousand dollars a year. He wondered if he would ever reach such luxury through his art.
Again, in taking a studio for Angela and himself there was the matter of furniture. The studio he had with Smite and MacHugh was more or less of a camp. The work room was bare of carpets or rugs. The two folding beds and the cot which graced their individual chambers were heirlooms from ancient predecessors—substantial but shabby. Beyond various drawings, three easels, and a chest of drawers for each, there was no suitable household equipment. A woman came twice a week to clean, send out the linen, and make up the beds.
Again, when he and Angela rented a studio, they had to think about furniture. The studio he shared with Smite and MacHugh was basically a camp. The workspace had no carpets or rugs. The two folding beds and the cot in their rooms were old family treasures—sturdy but worn-out. Besides a few drawings, three easels, and a chest of drawers each, they had no proper household items. A woman came in twice a week to clean, take the laundry out, and make the beds.
To live with Angela required, in his judgment, many and much more significant things. His idea of a studio was some such one as that now occupied by Miriam Finch or Norma Whitmore. There ought to be furniture of a period—old Flemish or Colonial, Heppelwhite or Chippendale or Sheraton, such as he saw occasionally knocking about in curio shops and second hand stores. It could be picked up if he had time. He was satisfied that Angela knew nothing of these things. There ought to be rugs, hangings of tapestry, bits of brass, pewter, copper, old silver, if he could afford it. He had an idea of some day obtaining a figure of the Christ in brass or plaster, hung upon a rough cross of walnut or teak, which he could hang or stand in some corner as one might a shrine and place before it two great candlesticks with immense candles smoked and dripping with wax. These lighted in a dark studio, with the outlines of the Christ flickering in the shadows behind would give the desired atmosphere to his studio. Such an equipment as he dreamed of would have cost in the neighborhood of two thousand dollars.
To live with Angela meant, in his opinion, many bigger and more important things. His vision of a studio was something like the ones currently occupied by Miriam Finch or Norma Whitmore. It should have period furniture—old Flemish or Colonial, Heppelwhite or Chippendale or Sheraton, like the pieces he occasionally saw in antique shops and thrift stores. He could collect them if he had the time. He was sure that Angela didn’t know anything about these styles. There should be rugs, tapestries, bits of brass, pewter, copper, and old silver, if he could afford it. He imagined someday getting a figure of Christ in brass or plaster, hung on a rough cross of walnut or teak, which he could place or hang in a corner like a shrine and set before it two large candlesticks with huge candles that were smoked and dripping with wax. Having those lit in a dark studio, with the shadows flickering around the figure of Christ, would create the perfect atmosphere for his studio. The kind of setup he envisioned would cost around two thousand dollars.
Of course this was not to be thought of at this period. He had no more than that in ready cash. He was writing to Angela about his difficulties in finding a suitable place, when he heard of a studio in Washington Square South, which its literary possessor was going to quit for the winter. It was, so he understood, handsomely furnished, and was to be let for the rent of the studio. The owner wanted someone who would take care of it by occupying it for him until he should return the following [Pg 189] fall. Eugene hurried round to look at it and, taken with the location, the appearance of the square from the windows, the beauty of the furnishings, felt that he would like to live here. This would be the way to introduce Angela to New York. This would be the first and proper impression to give her. Here, as in every well arranged studio he had yet seen were books, pictures, bits of statuary, implements of copper and some few of silver. There was a great fish net dyed green and spangled with small bits of mirror to look like scales which hung as a veil between the studio proper and an alcove. There was a piano done in black walnut, and odd pieces of furniture, Mission, Flemish, Venetian of the sixteenth century and English of the seventeenth, which, despite that diversity offered a unity of appearance and a harmony of usefulness. There was one bed room, a bath, and a small partitioned section which could be used as a kitchen. With a few of his pictures judiciously substituted he could see a perfect abode here for himself and his wife. The rent was fifty dollars. He decided that he would risk it.
Of course, this wasn’t something to think about at this time. He had no more than that in cash. He was writing to Angela about his struggles to find a suitable place when he heard about a studio in Washington Square South, which its literary owner was going to leave for the winter. It was, as he understood, nicely furnished and was available to rent for the cost of the studio. The owner wanted someone to take care of it by living there until he returned the following [Pg 189] fall. Eugene hurried over to check it out and, impressed by the location, the view of the square from the windows, and the beauty of the furnishings, felt that he would love to live there. This would be the way to introduce Angela to New York. This would make a perfect first impression on her. Here, just like in every well-arranged studio he had seen so far, there were books, pictures, bits of statuary, copper tools, and a few silver items. There was a large fish net dyed green and decorated with small mirrors to look like scales, hanging as a curtain between the main studio and an alcove. There was a piano made of black walnut, along with some unique pieces of furniture, including Mission, Flemish, sixteenth-century Venetian, and seventeenth-century English styles, which, despite their diversity, offered a cohesive look and a harmony of practicality. There was one bedroom, a bathroom, and a small separate area that could serve as a kitchen. With a few of his pictures carefully swapped out, he could envision a perfect home here for himself and his wife. The rent was fifty dollars. He decided he would take the chance.
Having gone so far as to indicate that he would take it—he was made to feel partially resigned to marriage by the very appearance of this place—he decided that he would marry in October. Angela could come to New York or Buffalo—she had never seen Niagara Falls—and they could be married there. She had spoken recently of visiting her brother at West Point. Then they could come here and settle down. He decided that this must be so, wrote to her to that effect, and vaguely hinted to Smite and MacHugh that he might get married shortly.
Having gone as far as to say he would do it—he felt somewhat resigned to marriage just by being in this place—he decided he would get married in October. Angela could come to New York or Buffalo—she had never seen Niagara Falls—and they could tie the knot there. She had recently mentioned visiting her brother at West Point. After that, they could come here and settle down. He made up his mind that this was the plan, wrote to her about it, and casually mentioned to Smite and MacHugh that he might be getting married soon.
This was a great blow to his partners in art, for Eugene was very popular with them. He had the habit, with those he liked, of jesting constantly. "Look at the look of noble determination on Smite's brow this morning," he would comment cheerfully on getting up; or "MacHugh, you lazy lout, crawl out and earn your living."
This hit his art partners hard because Eugene was really popular with them. He always joked around with those he liked. "Look at the noble determination on Smite's face this morning," he would say cheerfully when waking up; or, "MacHugh, you lazy bum, get out of bed and earn your keep."
MacHugh's nose, eyes and ears would be comfortably buried in the folds of a blanket.
MacHugh's nose, eyes, and ears would be snugly tucked into the folds of a blanket.
"These hack artists," Eugene would sigh disconsolately. "There's not much to be made out of them. A pile of straw and a couple of boiled potatoes a day is all they need."
"These con artists," Eugene would sigh hopelessly. "There's not much to be gained from them. A pile of straw and a couple of boiled potatoes a day is all they require."
"Aw, cut it out," MacHugh would grunt.
"Aw, stop it," MacHugh would grunt.
"To hell, to hell, I yell, I yell," would come from somewhere in the voice of Smite.
"To hell, to hell, I shout, I shout," would come from somewhere in the voice of Smite.
"If it weren't for me," Eugene would go on, "God knows [Pg 190] what would become of this place. A lot of farmers and fishermen trying to be artists."
"If it weren't for me," Eugene would continue, "God knows [Pg 190] what would happen to this place. A bunch of farmers and fishermen wanting to be artists."
"And laundry wagon drivers, don't forget that," MacHugh would add, sitting up and rubbing his tousled head, for Eugene had related some of his experiences. "Don't forget the contribution made by the American Steam Laundry Company to the world of true art."
"And laundry wagon drivers, don’t forget that," MacHugh would add, sitting up and rubbing his messy hair, because Eugene had shared some of his experiences. "Don’t forget the impact of the American Steam Laundry Company on the world of real art."
"Collars and cuffs I would have you know is artistic," Eugene at once declared with mock dignity, "whereas plows and fish is trash."
"Collars and cuffs, I want you to know, are art," Eugene declared with a playful seriousness, "while plows and fish are just worthless."
Sometimes this "kidding" would continue for a quarter of an hour at a stretch, when some one remark really brighter than any other would dissolve the whole in laughter. Work began after breakfast, to which they usually sallied forth together, and would continue unbroken save for necessary engagements or periods of entertainment, lunch and so on, until five in the afternoon.
Sometimes this "kidding" would go on for fifteen minutes at a time, until someone made a comment that was so clever it sent everyone into fits of laughter. They would start working after breakfast, which they usually had together, and continue without interruption except for necessary commitments or breaks for things like lunch, until five in the afternoon.
They had worked together now for a couple of years. They had, by experience, learned of each other's reliability, courtesy, kindness and liberality. Criticism was free, generous, and sincerely intended to be helpful. Pleasure trips, such as walks on grey, lowery days, or in rain or brilliant sunshine, or trips to Coney Island, Far Rockaway, the theatres, the art exhibitions, the odd and peculiar restaurants of different nationalities, were always undertaken in a spirit of joyous camaraderie. Jesting as to morality, their respective abilities, their tendencies and characteristics were all taken and given in good part. At one time it would be Joseph Smite who would come in for a united drubbing and excoriation on the part of Eugene and MacHugh. At another time Eugene or MacHugh would be the victim, the other two joining forces vigorously. Art, literature, personalities, phases of life, philosophy, were discussed by turn. As with Jerry Mathews, Eugene had learned of new things from these men—the life of fisher-folk, and the characteristics of the ocean from Joseph Smite; the nature and spirit of the great West from MacHugh. Each appeared to have an inexhaustible fund of experiences and reminiscences which refreshed and entertained the trio day by day year in and year out. They were at their best strolling through some exhibit or preliminary view of an art collection offered for sale, when all their inmost convictions of what was valuable and enduring in art would come to the surface. All three were intolerant of reputations as such, but were strong for individual merit whether it carried a great name or not. They were constantly becoming acquainted with the [Pg 191] work of some genius little known here, and celebrating his talents, each to the others. Thus Monet, Degas, Manet, Ribera, Monticelli, by turns came up for examination and praise.
They had been working together for a couple of years now. Through their experiences, they learned to rely on each other’s dependability, politeness, kindness, and generosity. Criticism was open, generous, and genuinely aimed at being helpful. Enjoyable outings, like walks on overcast, rainy days, sunny days, or visits to Coney Island, Far Rockaway, theaters, art exhibitions, and quirky restaurants of various cuisines, were always taken on with a spirit of joyful friendship. They joked about morality, shared their abilities, tendencies, and traits, all in good humor. At times, it would be Joseph Smite who would receive a collective ribbing from Eugene and MacHugh. Other times, Eugene or MacHugh would be the target, with the other two joining forces enthusiastically. They discussed art, literature, personalities, aspects of life, and philosophy in rotation. Much like with Jerry Mathews, Eugene learned new things from these guys—the life of fishermen and the qualities of the ocean from Joseph Smite; the nature and spirit of the vast West from MacHugh. Each seemed to have an endless supply of experiences and stories that refreshed and entertained the group daily, year after year. They thrived while strolling through some exhibit or preview of an art collection available for purchase, where all their deepest beliefs about what was valuable and lasting in art would emerge. All three were intolerant of reputations for their own sake but strongly supported individual talent, whether it had a big name or not. They were constantly discovering the work of some lesser-known genius and celebrating his skill, each sharing with the others. Thus, Monet, Degas, Manet, Ribera, and Monticelli would take turns being examined and praised.
When Eugene then, toward the end of September, announced that he might be leaving them shortly, there was a united wail of opposition. Joseph Smite was working on a sea scene at the time, doing his best to get the proper colour harmony between the worm-eaten deck of a Gold Coast trading ship, a half naked West Coast negro handling a broken wheel, and a mass of blue black undulations in the distance which represented the boundless sea.
When Eugene, toward the end of September, announced that he might be leaving them soon, everyone protested in unison. Joseph Smite was working on a seascape at the time, trying hard to achieve the right color harmony between the decaying deck of a Gold Coast trading ship, a half-naked West Coast Black man struggling with a broken wheel, and a vast expanse of deep blue waves in the distance that represented the endless sea.
"G'wan!" said Smite, incredulously, for he assumed that Eugene was jesting. There had been a steady stream of letters issuing from somewhere in the West and delivered here week after week, as there had been for MacHugh, but this by now was a commonplace, and apparently meant nothing. "You marry? What the hell do you want to get married for? A fine specimen you will make! I'll come around and tell your wife."
"G'wan!" said Smite, in disbelief, because he thought Eugene was joking. There had been a regular flow of letters coming from somewhere in the West and arriving here week after week, just like there had been for MacHugh, but by now that was usual and didn’t seem to mean anything. "You’re getting married? What on earth do you want to get married for? You’ll make a great husband! I’ll swing by and tell your wife."
"Sure," returned Eugene. "It's true, I may get married." He was amused at Smite's natural assumption that it was a jest.
"Sure," Eugene replied. "It's true, I might get married." He found it funny that Smite naturally assumed it was a joke.
"Stow that," called MacHugh, from his easel. He was working on a country corner picture, a group of farmers before a country post office. "You don't want to break up this shack, do you?" Both of these men were fond of Eugene. They found him inspiring, helpful, always intensely vigorous and apparently optimistic.
"Put that away," called MacHugh from his easel. He was working on a painting of a rural scene, featuring a group of farmers in front of a small-town post office. "You don't want to wreck this place, do you?" Both of these guys liked Eugene. They found him motivating, supportive, always full of energy and seemingly positive.
"I don't want to break up any shack. But haven't I a right to get married?"
"I don't want to break up any relationships. But don't I have the right to get married?"
"I vote no, by God!" said Smite emphatically. "You'll never go out of here with my consent. Peter, are we going to stand for anything like that?"
"I vote no, for real!" said Smite emphatically. "You will never leave here with my permission. Peter, are we going to accept anything like that?"
"We are not," replied MacHugh. "We'll call out the reserves if he tries any game like that on us. I'll prefer charges against him. Who's the lady, Eugene?"
"We're not," replied MacHugh. "We'll call in the reserves if he pulls any stunts like that on us. I'll file charges against him. Who's the lady, Eugene?"
"I bet I know," suggested Smite. "He's been running up to Twenty-sixth Street pretty regularly." Joseph was thinking of Miriam Finch, to whom Eugene had introduced both him and MacHugh.
"I bet I know," Smite said. "He's been going up to Twenty-sixth Street pretty often." Joseph was thinking of Miriam Finch, whom Eugene had introduced to both him and MacHugh.
"Nothing like that, surely," inquired MacHugh, looking over at Eugene to see if it possibly could be so.
"Surely nothing like that," MacHugh asked, glancing over at Eugene to see if it could possibly be true.
"It's all true, fellers," replied Eugene, "—as God is my judge. I'm going to leave you soon."
"It's all true, guys," replied Eugene, "—as God is my judge. I'm going to leave you soon."
[Pg 192] "You're not really talking seriously, are you, Witla?" inquired Joseph soberly.
[Pg 192] "You're not serious about this, are you, Witla?" Joseph asked earnestly.
"I am, Joe," said Eugene quietly. He was studying the perspective of his sixteenth New York view,—three engines coming abreast into a great yard of cars. The smoke, the haze, the dingy reds and blues and yellows and greens of kicked about box cars were showing with beauty—the vigor and beauty of raw reality.
"I am, Joe," Eugene said quietly. He was looking at the view of his sixteenth scene in New York—three trains coming together into a large yard filled with cars. The smoke, the haze, and the dull reds, blues, yellows, and greens of scattered boxcars were revealing a striking beauty—the energy and beauty of raw reality.
"Soon?" asked MacHugh, equally quietly. He was feeling that touch of pensiveness which comes with a sense of vanishing pleasures.
"Soon?" asked MacHugh, just as quietly. He was experiencing that feeling of wistfulness that comes with a sense of fleeting pleasures.
"I think some time in October, very likely," replied Eugene.
"I think it will probably be sometime in October," replied Eugene.
"Jesus Christ, I'm sorry to hear that," put in Smite.
"Jesus Christ, I'm sorry to hear that," said Smite.
He laid down his brush and strolled over to the window. MacHugh, less expressive in extremes, worked on medatively.
He set down his brush and walked over to the window. MacHugh, less dramatic in his expressions, continued working thoughtfully.
"When'd you reach that conclusion, Witla?" he asked after a time.
"When did you come to that conclusion, Witla?" he asked after a while.
"Oh, I've been thinking it over for a long time, Peter," he returned. "I should really have married before if I could have afforded it. I know how things are here or I wouldn't have sprung this so suddenly. I'll hold up my end on the rent here until you get someone else."
"Oh, I've been considering it for a while, Peter," he replied. "I definitely should have married earlier if I could have managed it financially. I understand how things work here, or I wouldn't have brought this up so unexpectedly. I'll cover my share of the rent here until you find someone else."
"To hell with the rent," said Smite. "We don't want anyone else, do we, Peter? We didn't have anyone else before."
"Forget the rent," said Smite. "We don't want anyone else, do we, Peter? We didn't have anyone else before."
Smite was rubbing his square chin and contemplating his partner as if they were facing a catastrophe.
Smite was stroking his square chin and thinking about his partner as if they were dealing with a disaster.
"There's no use talking about that," said Peter. "You know we don't care about the rent. Do you mind telling us who you're going to marry? Do we know her?"
"There's no point in discussing that," Peter said. "You know we don't care about the rent. Can you tell us who you're going to marry? Do we know her?"
"You don't," returned Eugene. "She's out in Wisconsin. It's the one who writes the letters. Angela Blue is her name."
"You don't," replied Eugene. "She's in Wisconsin. It's the one who writes the letters. Her name is Angela Blue."
"Well, here's to Angela Blue, by God, say I," said Smite, recovering his spirits and picking up his paint brush from his board to hold aloft. "Here's to Mrs. Eugene Witla, and may she never reef a sail to a storm or foul an anchor, as they say up Nova Scotia way."
"Well, here's to Angela Blue, by God, I say," said Smite, regaining his spirits and picking up his paintbrush from his easel to hold it up. "Here's to Mrs. Eugene Witla, and may she never have to furl a sail in a storm or get her anchor stuck, as they say up in Nova Scotia."
"Right oh," added MacHugh, catching the spirit of Smite's generous attitude. "Them's my sentiments. When d'you expect to get married really, Eugene?"
"Right on," added MacHugh, picking up on Smite's generous vibe. "Those are my thoughts too. When do you actually expect to get married, Eugene?"
"Oh I haven't fixed the time exactly. About November first, I should say. I hope you won't say anything about it though, either of you. I don't want to go through any explanations."
"Oh, I haven’t set the exact time yet. I’d say around November first. I hope you both won’t mention it, though. I really don’t want to go through any explanations."
"We won't, but it's tough, you old walrus. Why the hell [Pg 193] didn't you give us time to think it over? You're a fine jellyfish, you are."
"We won't, but it's hard, you old walrus. Why the heck [Pg 193] didn't you give us a chance to think it over? You're a real jellyfish, you know that."
He poked him reprimandingly in the ribs.
He nudged him in the ribs, giving him a disapproving look.
"There isn't anyone any more sorry than I am," said Eugene. "I hate to leave here, I do. But we won't lose track of each other. I'll still be around here."
"There’s no one more sorry than I am," said Eugene. "I really hate to leave this place. But we won’t lose touch with each other. I’ll still be around here."
"Where do you expect to live? Here in the city?" asked MacHugh, still a little gloomy.
"Where do you plan to live? Here in the city?" asked MacHugh, still feeling a bit down.
"Sure. Right here in Washington Square. Remember that Dexter studio Weaver was telling about? The one in the third floor at sixty-one? That's it."
"Sure. Right here in Washington Square. Remember that Dexter studio Weaver was talking about? The one on the third floor at sixty-one? That's it."
"You don't say!" exclaimed Smite. "You're in right. How'd you get that?"
"You don't say!" Smite exclaimed. "You're right. How did you get that?"
Eugene explained.
Eugene explained it.
"Well, you sure are a lucky man," observed MacHugh. "Your wife ought to like that. I suppose there'll be a cozy corner for an occasional strolling artist?"
"Well, you’re definitely a lucky guy," MacHugh noted. "Your wife will probably appreciate that. I guess there’ll be a nice spot for a visiting artist now and then?"
"No farmers, no sea-faring men, no artistic hacks—nothing!" declared Eugene dramatically.
"There's no farmers, no sailors, no artists—nothing!" declared Eugene dramatically.
"You to Hell," said Smite. "When Mrs. Witla sees us—"
"You to Hell," said Smite. "When Mrs. Witla sees us—"
"She'll wish she'd never come to New York," put in Eugene.
"She'll regret coming to New York," Eugene added.
"She'll wish she'd seen us first," said MacHugh.
"She'll regret not seeing us first," said MacHugh.
BOOK II
THE STRUGGLE
CHAPTER I
The marriage ceremony between Eugene and Angela was solemnized at Buffalo on November second. As planned, Marietta was with them. They would go, the three of them, to the Falls, and to West Point, where the girls would see their brother David, and then Marietta would return to tell the family about it. Naturally, under the circumstances, it was a very simple affair, for there were no congratulations to go through with and no gifts—at least immediately—to consider and acknowledge. Angela had explained to her parents and friends that it was quite impossible for Eugene to come West at this time. She knew that he objected to a public ceremony where he would have to run the gauntlet of all her relatives, and so she was quite willing to meet him in the East and be married there. Eugene had not troubled to take his family into his confidence as yet. He had indicated on his last visit home that he might get married, and that Angela was the girl in question, but since Myrtle was the only one of his family who had seen her and she was now in Ottumwa, Iowa, they could not recall anything about her. Eugene's father was a little disappointed, for he expected to hear some day that Eugene had made a brilliant match. His boy, whose pictures were in the magazines so frequently and whose appearance was so generally distinguished, ought in New York, where opportunities abounded, to marry an heiress at least. It was all right of course if Eugene wanted to marry a girl from the country, but it robbed the family of a possible glory.
The wedding between Eugene and Angela took place in Buffalo on November 2nd. As planned, Marietta was with them. The three of them would go to the Falls and then to West Point, where the girls would visit their brother David, and afterward, Marietta would go back to tell the family about it. Naturally, given the situation, it was a very simple event, with no congratulations to exchange and no gifts—at least not right away—to consider or acknowledge. Angela had told her parents and friends that it was impossible for Eugene to travel West at that time. She knew he didn’t want a public ceremony where he would have to face all her relatives, so she was more than happy to meet him in the East and get married there. Eugene hadn’t yet confided in his family about his plans. During his last visit home, he had mentioned that he might be getting married and that Angela was the girl, but since Myrtle was the only family member who had met her and she was currently in Ottumwa, Iowa, they couldn’t remember anything about her. Eugene's father was a bit disappointed because he hoped to hear that Eugene had made a remarkable match. His son, whose photos were often in magazines and who looked so distinguished, should, in New York—a place full of opportunities—marry an heiress at the very least. It was fine if Eugene wanted to marry a girl from the country, but it deprived the family of a potential honor.
The spirit of this marriage celebration, so far as Eugene was concerned, was hardly right. There was the consciousness, always with him, of his possibly making a mistake; the feeling that he was being compelled by circumstances and his own weakness to fulfil an agreement which might better remain unfulfilled. His only urge was his desire, in the gratification of which he might find compensation, for saving Angela from an unhappy spinsterhood. It was a thin reed to lean on; there could be no honest satisfaction in it. Angela was sweet, devoted, painstaking in her attitude toward life, toward him, toward everything with which she came in contact, but she was not what he had always fancied his true mate would be—the be all and the end all of his existence. Where was the divine fire which on [Pg 198] this occasion should have animated him; the lofty thoughts of future companionship; that intense feeling he had first felt about her when he had called on her at her aunt's house in Chicago? Something had happened. Was it that he had cheapened his ideal by too close contact with it? Had he taken a beautiful flower and trailed it in the dust? Was passion all there was to marriage? Or was it that true marriage was something higher—a union of fine thoughts and feelings? Did Angela share his with him? Angela did have exalted feelings and moods at times. They were not sensibly intellectual—but she seemed to respond to the better things in music and to some extent in literature. She knew nothing about art, but she was emotionally responsive to many fine things. Why was not this enough to make life durable and comfortable between them? Was it not really enough? After he had gone over all these points, there was still the thought that there was something wrong in this union. Despite his supposedly laudable conduct in fulfilling an obligation which, in a way, he had helped create or created, he was not happy. He went to his marriage as a man goes to fulfil an uncomfortable social obligation. It might turn out that he would have an enjoyable and happy life and it might turn out very much otherwise. He could not face the weight and significance of the social theory that this was for life—that if he married her today he would have to live with her all the rest of his days. He knew that was the generally accepted interpretation of marriage, but it did not appeal to him. Union ought in his estimation to be based on a keen desire to live together and on nothing else. He did not feel the obligation which attaches to children, for he had never had any and did not feel the desire for any. A child was a kind of a nuisance. Marriage was a trick of Nature's by which you were compelled to carry out her scheme of race continuance. Love was a lure; desire a scheme of propagation devised by the way. Nature, the race spirit, used you as you would use a work-horse to pull a load. The load in this case was race progress and man was the victim. He did not think he owed anything to nature, or to this race spirit. He had not asked to come here. He had not been treated as generously as he might have been since he arrived. Why should he do what nature bid?
The vibe of this wedding celebration, as far as Eugene was concerned, felt all wrong. He constantly felt he might be making a mistake; he sensed that circumstances and his own weakness were pushing him into fulfilling an agreement that might be better left untouched. His only motivation was his desire to save Angela from an unhappy life as a single woman, which felt like a flimsy excuse. There couldn't be any genuine satisfaction in that. Angela was sweet, devoted, and diligent in her approach to life, him, and everything she encountered, but she wasn't what he had always imagined his perfect partner would be—the one who would complete his existence. Where was the spark that should have inspired him on this occasion; the grand dreams of future togetherness; that deep feeling he had first experienced when he visited her at her aunt's place in Chicago? Something had changed. Had he diminished his ideal by getting too close? Had he taken a beautiful flower and dragged it through the dirt? Was passion all there was to marriage? Or was true marriage something deeper—a blend of high thoughts and feelings? Did Angela share that with him? Angela did have uplifting emotions and moods at times. They weren't particularly intellectual, but she seemed to connect with the finer aspects of music and, to some degree, literature. She knew nothing about art, but she responded emotionally to many beautiful things. Why wasn't that enough to make their life together last and feel comfortable? Was it really not enough? After considering all these points, he still felt something was off about their union. Despite his seemingly commendable decision to honor an obligation he had partly created, he wasn’t happy. He approached his marriage like a person fulfilling an unpleasant social duty. It could turn out to be a joyful and happy life, or it might not go well at all. He couldn't bear the weight of the idea that this was a lifelong commitment—that if he married her today, he would have to spend the rest of his days with her. He knew that was the common understanding of marriage, but it didn’t resonate with him. He believed that a union should stem from a genuine desire to be together and nothing more. He didn’t feel the obligation that comes with children since he didn’t have any and didn’t want any. A child felt like a hassle. Marriage seemed like a trick of Nature that forced you to adhere to her plan for keeping the race alive. Love was a lure; desire was a method of reproduction. Nature, the spirit of the race, used you like a workhorse to haul a load. In this case, the load was the progress of the race, and man was the one being used. He didn’t think he owed anything to nature or to this spirit of the race. He hadn’t asked to be here. He hadn’t been treated as generously as he could have been since he arrived. So why should he obey what nature wanted?
When he met Angela he kissed her fondly, for of course the sight of her aroused the feeling of desire which had been running in his mind so keenly for some time. Since last seeing Angela he had touched no woman, principally because the right one had not presented herself and because the memories and the [Pg 199] anticipations in connection with Angela were so close. Now that he was with her again the old fire came over him and he was eager for the completion of the ceremony. He had seen to the marriage license in the morning,—and from the train on which Angela and Marietta arrived they proceeded in a carriage direct to the Methodist preacher. The ceremony which meant so much to Angela meant practically nothing to him. It seemed a silly formula—this piece of paper from the marriage clerk's office and this instructed phraseology concerning "love, honor and cherish." Certainly he would love, honor and cherish if it were possible—if not, then not. Angela, with the marriage ring on her finger and the words "with this ring I thee wed" echoing in her ears, felt that all her dreams had come true. Now she was, really, truly, Mrs. Eugene Witla. She did not need to worry about drowning herself, or being disgraced, or enduring a lonely, commiserated old age. She was the wife of an artist—a rising one, and she was going to live in New York. What a future stretched before her! Eugene loved her after all. She imagined she could see that. His slowness in marrying her was due to the difficulty of establishing himself properly. Otherwise he would have done it before. They drove to the Iroquois hotel and registered as man and wife, securing a separate room for Marietta. The latter pretending an urgent desire to bathe after her railroad journey, left them, promising to be ready in time for dinner. Eugene and Angela were finally alone.
When he met Angela, he kissed her affectionately, as seeing her brought back the desire that had been on his mind for quite a while. Since their last meeting, he hadn't touched any other woman, mainly because the right one hadn't come along, and because his thoughts and memories about Angela were so vivid. Now that he was with her again, the old passion returned, and he was eager to finish the ceremony. He had taken care of the marriage license earlier that morning, and from the train that Angela and Marietta arrived on, they went straight to the Methodist preacher in a carriage. The ceremony that meant so much to Angela felt meaningless to him. It seemed like a ridiculous formality—this piece of paper from the marriage clerk's office and the scripted phrases about "love, honor, and cherish." Sure, he would love, honor, and cherish if he could—if not, then he wouldn't. Angela, with the wedding ring on her finger and the words "with this ring I thee wed" ringing in her ears, felt like all her dreams had come true. Now she was, really, truly, Mrs. Eugene Witla. She didn’t have to worry about drowning herself, being ashamed, or living a lonely, pitied old age. She was the wife of an artist—a rising star, and she was going to live in New York. What an exciting future lay ahead! Eugene loved her after all. She believed she could see that. His delay in marrying her was just because it had been tough to establish himself properly. Otherwise, he would have done it sooner. They drove to the Iroquois hotel and registered as a couple, arranging a separate room for Marietta. Marietta, pretending she urgently needed to bathe after the train ride, left them, promising to be ready in time for dinner. Eugene and Angela were finally alone.
He now saw how, in spite of his fine theories, his previous experiences with Angela had deadened to an extent his joy in this occasion. He had her again it was true. His desire that he had thought of so keenly was to be gratified, but there was no mystery connected with it. His real nuptials had been celebrated at Blackwood months before. This was the commonplace of any marriage relation. It was intense and gratifying, but the original, wonderful mystery of unexplored character was absent. He eagerly took her in his arms, but there was more of crude desire than of awed delight in the whole proceeding.
He now realized that, despite his lofty theories, his past experiences with Angela had dulled his joy in this moment. He had her again, it was true. His desire, which he had thought about so intensely, would be fulfilled, but there was no sense of mystery around it. His real marriage had taken place at Blackwood months earlier. This was the everyday reality of any marriage. It was intense and satisfying, but the original, amazing mystery of discovering someone new was missing. He eagerly pulled her into his arms, but there was more raw desire than awe in the whole experience.
Nevertheless Angela was sweet to him. Hers was a loving disposition and Eugene was the be all and end all of her love. His figure was of heroic proportions to her. His talent was divine fire. No one could know as much as Eugene, of course! No one could be as artistic. True, he was not as practical as some men—her brothers and brothers-in-law, for instance—but he was a man of genius. Why should he be practical? She was beginning to think already of how thoroughly she would help [Pg 200] him shape his life toward success—what a good wife she would be to him. Her training as a teacher, her experience as a buyer, her practical judgment, would help him so much. They spent the two hours before dinner in renewed transports and then dressed and made their public appearance. Angela had had designed a number of dresses for this occasion, representing the saving of years, and tonight at dinner she looked exceptionally pretty in a dress of black silk with neck piece and half sleeves of mother-of-pearl silk, set off with a decoration of seed pearls and black beads in set designs. Marietta, in a pale pink silk of peachblow softness of hue with short sleeves and a low cut bodice was, with all her youth and natural plumpness and gaiety of soul, ravishing. Now that she had Angela safely married, she was under no obligations to keep out of Eugene's way nor to modify her charms in order that her sister's might shine. She was particularly ebullient in her mood and Eugene could not help contrasting, even in this hour, the qualities of the two sisters. Marietta's smile, her humor, her unconscious courage, contrasted so markedly with Angela's quietness.
Nevertheless, Angela was sweet to him. She had a loving nature, and Eugene was the center of her affection. To her, he had a heroic look. His talent was extraordinary. No one could know as much as Eugene, of course! No one could be as artistic. True, he wasn’t as practical as some men—like her brothers and brothers-in-law, for example—but he was a genius. Why should he need to be practical? She was already thinking about how completely she would support him in shaping his life toward success—what a great wife she would be for him. Her training as a teacher, her experience as a buyer, and her practical judgment would be such an asset. They spent the two hours before dinner in renewed excitement and then got dressed for their public appearance. Angela had designed several dresses for this occasion, a culmination of years of saving, and tonight at dinner she looked especially beautiful in a black silk dress with a neck piece and half sleeves made of mother-of-pearl silk, enhanced with decorations of seed pearls and black beads in intricate designs. Marietta, in a pale pink silk dress with a soft peachblow hue and short sleeves with a low cut bodice, was stunning with her youth, natural plumpness, and cheerful spirit. Now that she had Angela happily married, she felt no need to stay out of Eugene's way or tone down her own charms to let her sister's shine. She was particularly lively, and even in this moment, Eugene couldn’t help but compare the qualities of the two sisters. Marietta’s smile, her humor, her effortless courage, stood out in sharp contrast to Angela’s calmness.
The luxuries of the modern hotel have become the commonplaces of ordinary existence, but to the girls they were still strange enough to be impressive. To Angela they were a foretaste of what was to be an enduring higher life. These carpets, hangings, elevators, waiters, seemed in their shabby materialism to speak of superior things.
The luxuries of today's hotels have become everyday features of life, but to the girls they still felt unique enough to leave an impression. To Angela, they were a glimpse of what would be a lasting better life. These carpets, curtains, elevators, and waitstaff, despite their worn-out materialism, seemed to hint at something greater.
One day in Buffalo, with a view of the magnificent falls at Niagara, and then came West Point with a dress parade accidentally provided for a visiting general and a ball for the cadets. Marietta, because of her charm and her brother's popularity, found herself so much in demand at West Point that she extended her stay to a week, leaving Eugene and Angela free to come to New York together and have a little time to themselves. They only stayed long enough to see Marietta safely housed and then came to the city and the apartment in Washington Square.
One day in Buffalo, overlooking the stunning Niagara Falls, they then went to West Point, where there was a dress parade put together for a visiting general and a party for the cadets. Marietta, due to her charm and her brother's popularity, became so sought after at West Point that she decided to stay for a week, giving Eugene and Angela the chance to go to New York together and enjoy some time on their own. They only stayed long enough to make sure Marietta was settled in and then headed to the city and the apartment in Washington Square.
It was dark when they arrived and Angela was impressed with the glittering galaxy of lights the city presented across the North River from Forty-second Street. She had no idea of the nature of the city, but as the cab at Eugene's request turned into Broadway at Forty-second Street and clattered with interrupted progress south to Fifth Avenue she had her first glimpse of that tawdry world which subsequently became known as the "Great White Way." Already its make-believe and inherent cheapness had come to seem to Eugene largely characteristic of the city [Pg 201] and of life, but it still retained enough of the lure of the flesh and of clothes and of rush-light reputations to hold his attention. Here were dramatic critics and noted actors and actresses and chorus girls, the gods and toys of avid, inexperienced, unsatisfied wealth. He showed Angela the different theatres, called her attention to distinguished names; made much of restaurants and hotels and shops and stores that sell trifles and trash, and finally turned into lower Fifth Avenue, where the dignity of great houses and great conservative wealth still lingered. At Fourteenth Street Angela could already see Washington Arch glowing cream white in the glare of electric lights.
It was dark when they arrived, and Angela was impressed by the dazzling array of city lights across the North River from Forty-second Street. She knew nothing of the city's nature, but as the cab turned onto Broadway at Eugene's request and bumped along toward Fifth Avenue, she caught her first glimpse of the flashy world that would later be called the "Great White Way." Its superficiality and inherent cheapness had already started to seem typical of the city to Eugene, but it still had enough allure—flesh, fashion, and flashy reputations—to keep his interest. Here were theater critics, famous actors and actresses, and chorus girls, the idols and playthings of eager, inexperienced, and unfulfilled wealth. He pointed out the different theaters, highlighted prominent names, and raved about restaurants, hotels, and shops that sold trinkets and junk, before finally turning onto lower Fifth Avenue, where the grandeur of big houses and traditional wealth still lingered. At Fourteenth Street, Angela could already see Washington Arch glowing cream-white in the bright electric lights.
"What is that?" she asked interestedly.
"What is that?" she asked, intrigued.
"It's Washington Arch," he replied. "We live in sight of that on the south side of the Square."
"It's Washington Arch," he said. "We live just south of the Square, so we can see it from our place."
"Oh! but it is beautiful!" she exclaimed.
"Oh! but it's beautiful!" she exclaimed.
It seemed very wonderful to her, and as they passed under it, and the whole Square spread out before her, it seemed a perfect world in which to live.
It felt amazing to her, and as they walked underneath it, with the entire Square laid out before her, it seemed like a perfect world to live in.
"Is this where it is?" she asked, as they stopped in front of the studio building.
"Is this the place?" she asked as they paused in front of the studio building.
"Yes, this is it. How do you like it?"
"Yep, this is it. What do you think?"
"I think it's beautiful," she said.
"I think it's beautiful," she said.
They went up the white stone steps of the old Bride house in which was Eugene's leased studio, up two flights of red-carpeted stairs and finally into the dark studio where he struck a match and lit, for the art of it, candles. A soft waxen glow irradiated the place as he proceeded and then Angela saw old Chippendale chairs, a Heppelwhite writing-table, a Flemish strong box containing used and unused drawings, the green stained fish-net studded with bits of looking glass in imitation of scales, a square, gold-framed mirror over the mantel, and one of Eugene's drawings—the three engines in the gray, lowering weather, standing large and impressive upon an easel. It seemed to Angela the perfection of beauty. She saw the difference now between the tawdry gorgeousness of a commonplace hotel and this selection and arrangement of individual taste. The glowing candelabrum of seven candles on either side of the square mirror surprised her deeply. The black walnut piano in the alcove behind the half draped net drew forth an exclamation of delight. "Oh, how lovely it all is!" she exclaimed and ran to Eugene to be kissed. He fondled her for a few minutes and then she left again to examine in detail pictures, pieces of furniture, ornaments of brass and copper.
They climbed the white stone steps of the old Bride house, where Eugene's rented studio was, went up two flights of red-carpeted stairs, and finally entered the dim studio where he struck a match and lit some candles for atmosphere. A soft, warm glow illuminated the space as he moved around, and Angela noticed old Chippendale chairs, a Heppelwhite writing table, a Flemish strongbox filled with used and unused drawings, a green-stained fishnet dotted with bits of mirror like scales, a square gold-framed mirror above the mantel, and one of Eugene's drawings—the three engines in the gray, gloomy weather, standing tall and impressive on an easel. To Angela, it seemed like the epitome of beauty. She realized the difference now between the gaudy flashiness of a regular hotel and this selection and arrangement that reflected individual taste. The candelabrum with seven candles on either side of the square mirror astounded her. The black walnut piano in the alcove behind the partially draped net elicited a gasp of delight. "Oh, how lovely it all is!" she exclaimed and rushed to Eugene for a kiss. He embraced her for a few moments before she pulled away again to explore the pictures, furniture, and brass and copper ornaments in detail.
"When did you get all this?" she asked, for Eugene had not [Pg 202] told her of his luck in finding the departing Dexter and leasing it for the rent of the studio and its care. He was lighting the fire in the grate which had been prepared by the house attendant.
"When did you get all this?" she asked, because Eugene hadn't mentioned his luck in finding the departing Dexter and renting it for the studio's upkeep. He was lighting the fire in the grate that the house attendant had set up.
"Oh, it isn't mine," he replied easily. "I leased this from Russell Dexter. He's going to be in Europe until next winter. I thought that would be easier than waiting around to fix up a place after you came. We can get our things together next fall."
"Oh, it's not mine," he said casually. "I leased this from Russell Dexter. He's going to be in Europe until next winter. I thought that would be easier than hanging around to set up a place after you arrived. We can get our stuff sorted out next fall."
He was thinking he would be able to have his exhibition in the spring, and perhaps that would bring some notable sales. Anyhow it might bring a few, increase his repute and give him a greater earning power.
He was thinking he could have his exhibition in the spring, and maybe that would lead to some significant sales. Either way, it might bring in a few, boost his reputation, and increase his earning potential.
Angela's heart sank just a little but she recovered in a moment, for after all it was very exceptional even to be able to lease a place of this character. She went to the window and looked out. There was the great square with its four walls of houses, the spread of trees, still decorated with a few dusty leaves, and the dozens of arc lights sputtering their white radiance in between, the graceful arch, cream white over at the entrance of Fifth Avenue.
Angela's heart sank slightly, but she bounced back quickly because, after all, it was pretty amazing to even be able to rent a place like this. She went to the window and looked out. There was the large square surrounded by buildings, the rows of trees still hanging onto a few dusty leaves, and the dozens of arc lights flickering their white glow in between, with the elegant arch, cream white, at the entrance of Fifth Avenue.
"It's so beautiful," she exclaimed again, coming back to Eugene and putting her arms about him. "I didn't think it would be anything as fine as this. You're so good to me." She put up her lips and he kissed her, pinching her cheeks. Together they walked to the kitchen, the bedroom, the bathroom. Then after a time they blew out the candles and retired for the night.
"It's so beautiful," she said again, returning to Eugene and wrapping her arms around him. "I didn't think it would be anything this amazing. You're so good to me." She leaned in, and he kissed her while pinching her cheeks. Together, they walked to the kitchen, the bedroom, and the bathroom. After a while, they blew out the candles and went to bed for the night.
CHAPTER II
After the quiet of a small town, the monotony and simplicity of country life, the dreary, reiterated weariness of teaching a country school, this new world into which Angela was plunged seemed to her astonished eyes to be compounded of little save beauties, curiosities and delights. The human senses, which weary so quickly of reiterated sensory impressions, exaggerate with equal readiness the beauty and charm of the unaccustomed. If it is new, therefore it must be better than that which we have had of old. The material details with which we are able to surround ourselves seem at times to remake our point of view. If we have been poor, wealth will seem temporarily to make us happy; when we have been amid elements and personages discordant to our thoughts, to be put among harmonious conditions seems, for the time being, to solve all our woes. So little do we have that interior peace which no material conditions can truly affect or disturb.
After the quiet of a small town, the routine and simplicity of country life, and the exhausting monotony of teaching at a rural school, this new world that Angela was thrown into seemed to her astonished eyes to be filled with nothing but beauty, curiosity, and joy. Our senses, which quickly grow tired of repetitive experiences, exaggerate both the beauty and charm of what is unfamiliar. If it’s new, it must be better than what we’ve experienced before. The material things we surround ourselves with can sometimes change our perspective. If we’ve been poor, having money may seem to make us happy for a while; when we’ve been around people and situations that clash with our feelings, being in a harmonious environment can feel like it solves all our problems, even if just for a moment. We have so little of that inner peace which no external circumstances can genuinely influence or disrupt.
When Angela awoke the next morning, this studio in which she was now to live seemed the most perfect habitation which could be devised by man. The artistry of the arrangement of the rooms, the charm of the conveniences—a bathroom with hot and cold water next to the bedroom; a kitchen with an array of necessary utensils. In the rear portion of the studio used as a dining-room a glimpse of the main studio gave her the sense of art which dealt with nature, the beauty of the human form, colors, tones—how different from teaching school. To her the difference between the long, low rambling house at Blackwood with its vine ornamented windows, its somewhat haphazard arrangement of flowers and its great lawn, and this peculiarly compact and ornate studio apartment looking out upon Washington Square, was all in favor of the latter. In Angela's judgment there was no comparison. She could not have understood if she could have seen into Eugene's mind at this time how her home town, her father's single farm, the blue waters of the little lake near her door, the shadows of the tall trees on her lawn were somehow, compounded for him not only with classic beauty itself, but with her own charm. When she was among these things she partook of their beauty and was made more beautiful thereby. She did not know how much she had lost in leaving them behind. To her all these older elements of her life were shabby and unimportant, pointless and to be neglected.
When Angela woke up the next morning, the studio where she was going to live felt like the perfect home designed by humans. The way the rooms were arranged was artistic, and the conveniences were charming—a bathroom with hot and cold water next to the bedroom and a kitchen stocked with essential utensils. In the back part of the studio, used as a dining area, a glimpse of the main studio gave her a sense of art connected to nature, the beauty of the human body, colors, and tones—so different from teaching at school. For her, the contrast between the long, sprawling house at Blackwood, with its vine-covered windows and somewhat random flower arrangements, along with its vast lawn, and this unusually compact and stylish studio apartment overlooking Washington Square, was clearly in favor of the latter. In Angela's eyes, there was no competition. She wouldn't have understood, even if she could have glimpsed into Eugene's thoughts at that moment, how her hometown, her father's single farm, the blue waters of the small lake near her home, and the shadows of the tall trees on her lawn were somehow, for him, combined not only with classic beauty itself but with her own allure. When she was surrounded by those things, she shared in their beauty and became more beautiful in the process. She didn't realize how much she had lost by leaving them behind. To her, all those older aspects of her life seemed shabby and unimportant, pointless and worth neglecting.
[Pg 204] This new world was in its way for her an Aladdin's cave of delight. When she looked out on the great square for the first time the next morning, seeing it bathed in sunlight, a dignified line of red brick dwellings to the north, a towering office building to the east, trucks, carts, cars and vehicles clattering over the pavement below, it all seemed gay with youth and energy.
[Pg 204] This new world felt to her like a treasure trove of joy. When she looked out at the huge square for the first time the next morning, seeing it lit up by sunlight, with a classy line of red brick homes to the north, a tall office building to the east, and trucks, carts, cars, and vehicles clattering over the pavement below, everything seemed vibrant with youth and energy.
"We'll have to dress and go out to breakfast," said Eugene. "I didn't think to lay anything in. As a matter of fact I wouldn't have known what to buy if I had wanted to. I never tried housekeeping for myself."
"We need to get dressed and go out for breakfast," said Eugene. "I didn't think to stock up on anything. Honestly, I wouldn't even know what to buy if I wanted to. I’ve never done any cooking or housework for myself."
"Oh, that's all right," said Angela, fondling his hands, "only let's not go out to breakfast unless we have to. Let's see what's here," and she went back to the very small room devoted to cooking purposes to see what cooking utensils had been provided. She had been dreaming of housekeeping and cooking for Eugene, of petting and spoiling him, and now the opportunity had arrived. She found that Mr. Dexter, their generous lessor, had provided himself with many conveniences—breakfast and dinner sets of brown and blue porcelain, a coffee percolator, a charming dull blue teapot with cups to match, a chafing dish, a set of waffle irons, griddles, spiders, skillets, stew and roasting pans and knives and forks of steel and silver in abundance. Obviously he had entertained from time to time, for there were bread, cake, sugar, flour and salt boxes and a little chest containing, in small drawers, various spices.
"Oh, that's fine," Angela said, playing with his hands. "But let's not go out for breakfast unless we have to. Let’s see what we have here," and she went back to the tiny kitchen to check out the cooking tools that were available. She had been imagining managing the kitchen and cooking for Eugene, pampering and spoiling him, and now that chance had come. She discovered that Mr. Dexter, their generous landlord, had included lots of nice features—brown and blue porcelain sets for breakfast and dinner, a coffee percolator, a lovely dull blue teapot with matching cups, a chafing dish, waffle irons, griddles, frying pans, stew and roasting pans, and plenty of steel and silver knives and forks. Clearly, he had entertained guests occasionally, as there were containers for bread, cake, sugar, flour, and salt, along with a small chest with various spices in little drawers.
"Oh, it will be easy to get something here," said Angela, lighting the burners of the gas stove to see whether it was in good working order. "We can just go out to market if you'll come and show me once and get what we want. It won't take a minute. I'll know after that." Eugene consented gladly.
"Oh, it'll be easy to get something here," said Angela, turning on the burners of the gas stove to check if it was working properly. "We can just go out to the market if you'll come and show me once and get what we need. It won't take long. I'll figure it out after that." Eugene agreed happily.
She had always fancied she would be an ideal housekeeper and now that she had her Eugene she was anxious to begin. It would be such a pleasure to show him what a manager she was, how everything would go smoothly in her hands, how careful she would be of his earnings—their joint possessions.
She had always thought she would be a great housekeeper, and now that she had her Eugene, she was eager to get started. It would be such a joy to show him how well she could manage things, how everything would run smoothly under her care, and how she'd be careful with his income—their shared belongings.
She was sorry, now that she saw that art was no great producer of wealth, that she had no money to bring him, but she knew that Eugene in the depth of his heart thought nothing of that. He was too impractical. He was a great artist, but when it came to practical affairs she felt instinctively that she was much the wiser. She had bought so long, calculated so well for her sisters and brothers.
She regretted that, after realizing that art didn't really bring in much money, she had no financial support to offer him, but she knew deep down that Eugene didn’t care about that at all. He was too idealistic. He was a brilliant artist, but when it came to real-life issues, she instinctively felt that she was the more sensible one. She had spent so long making purchases and planning carefully for her sisters and brothers.
Out of her bag (for her trunks had not yet arrived) she extracted a neat house dress of pale green linen which she put on [Pg 205] after she had done up her hair in a cosy coil, and together with Eugene for a temporary guide, they set forth to find the stores. He had told her, looking out the windows, that there were lines of Italian grocers, butchers and vegetable men in the side streets, leading south from the square, and into one of these they now ventured. The swarming, impressive life of the street almost took her breath away, it was so crowded. Potatoes, tomatoes, eggs, flour, butter, lamb chops, salt—a dozen little accessories were all purchased in small quantities, and then they eagerly returned to the studio. Angela was a little disgusted with the appearance of some of the stores, but some of them were clean enough. It seemed so strange to her to be buying in an Italian street, with Italian women and children about, their swarthy leathern faces set with bright, almost feverish eyes. Eugene in his brown corduroy suit and soft green hat, watching and commenting at her side, presented such a contrast. He was so tall, so exceptional, so laconic.
Out of her bag (since her trunks hadn’t arrived yet), she took out a nice house dress made of pale green linen, which she put on [Pg 205] after fixing her hair in a comfy coil. Together with Eugene as a temporary guide, they set off to find the stores. He had mentioned, while looking out the windows, that there were rows of Italian grocers, butchers, and vegetable vendors in the side streets heading south from the square, and they now ventured into one of these. The busy, vibrant life of the street almost took her breath away; it was so crowded. They bought potatoes, tomatoes, eggs, flour, butter, lamb chops, salt—a dozen little items in small amounts—and then eagerly returned to the studio. Angela was a bit turned off by the look of some of the stores, but some were clean enough. It felt strange to her to be shopping in an Italian street, surrounded by Italian women and children with their dark, leathery faces and bright, almost feverish eyes. Eugene, in his brown corduroy suit and soft green hat, watching and commenting by her side, was such a striking contrast. He was so tall, so unique, so quiet.
"I like them when they wear rings in their ears," he said at one time.
"I like them when they wear earrings," he said at one point.
"Get the coal man who looks like a bandit," he observed at another.
"Get the coal guy who looks like a criminal," he noted at another.
"This old woman here might do for the witch of Endor."
"This old woman here could work as the witch of Endor."
Angela attended strictly to her marketing. She was gay and smiling, but practical. She was busy wondering in what quantities she should buy things, how she would keep fresh vegetables, whether the ice box was really clean; how much delicate dusting the various objects in the studio would require. The raw brick walls of the street, the dirt and slops in the gutter, the stray cats and dogs hungry and lean, the swarming stream of people, did not appeal to her as picturesque at all. Only when she heard Eugene expatiating gravely did she begin to realize that all this must have artistic significance. If Eugene said so it did. But it was a fascinating world whatever it was, and it was obvious that she was going to be very, very happy.
Angela focused intently on her marketing. She was cheerful and smiling, yet practical. She busied herself pondering the quantities in which to buy items, how to keep fresh vegetables, whether the icebox was truly clean; how much careful dusting the different objects in the studio would need. The raw brick walls of the street, the dirt and waste in the gutter, the hungry, lean stray cats and dogs, the bustling stream of people didn't seem picturesque to her at all. Only when she heard Eugene speaking seriously did she start to realize that all of this must hold artistic significance. If Eugene said it did, then it did. But it was an intriguing world no matter what, and it was clear that she was going to be very, very happy.
There was a breakfast in the studio then of hot biscuit with fresh butter, an omelette with tomatoes, potatoes stewed in cream, and coffee. After the long period of commonplace restaurant dining which Eugene had endured, this seemed ideal. To sit in your own private apartment with a charming wife opposite you ready to render you any service, and with an array of food before you which revived the finest memories in your gustatory experience, seemed perfect. Nothing could be better. He saw visions of a happy future if he could finance this sort of thing. It would require a lot of money, more than he had been making, [Pg 206] but he thought he could make out. After breakfast Angela played on the piano, and then, Eugene wanting to work, she started housekeeping in earnest. The trunks arriving gave her the task of unpacking and with that and lunch and dinner to say nothing of love she had sufficient to do.
There was breakfast in the studio consisting of hot biscuits with fresh butter, an omelet with tomatoes, creamy stewed potatoes, and coffee. After enduring a long stretch of uninspiring restaurant meals, this felt perfect to Eugene. Being in his own private apartment with a lovely wife sitting across from him, ready to assist him, and surrounded by food that brought back the best memories of his taste experiences, was just what he wanted. Nothing could be better. He envisioned a happy future if he could afford this kind of lifestyle. It would take a lot of money, more than he had been earning, [Pg 206] but he thought he could manage. After breakfast, Angela played the piano, and then, since Eugene wanted to work, she dove into housekeeping. The arrival of the trunks gave her the task of unpacking, and between that, preparing lunch and dinner, and maintaining their love life, she had plenty to keep her occupied.
It was a charming existence for a little while. Eugene suggested that they should have Smite and MacHugh to dinner first of all, these being his closest friends. Angela agreed heartily for she was only too anxious to meet the people he knew. She wanted to show him she knew how to receive and entertain as well as anyone. She made great preparations for the Wednesday evening following—the night fixed for the dinner—and when it came was on the qui vive to see what his friends were like and what they would think of her.
It was a lovely life for a bit. Eugene proposed that they invite Smite and MacHugh over for dinner first, since they were his closest friends. Angela eagerly agreed because she was very keen to meet the people he knew. She wanted to prove to him that she could host and entertain just as well as anyone else. She made elaborate plans for the Wednesday evening that had been set for the dinner, and when the day arrived, she was excited to see what his friends were like and what they would think of her.
The occasion passed off smoothly enough and was the occasion of considerable jollity. These two cheerful worthies were greatly impressed with the studio. They were quick to praise it before Angela, and to congratulate him on his good fortune in having married her. Angela, in the same dress in which she had appeared at dinner in Buffalo, was impressive. Her mass of yellow hair fascinated the gaze of both Smite and MacHugh.
The event went off without a hitch and was filled with a lot of laughter. These two cheerful gentlemen were really taken with the studio. They eagerly complimented it in front of Angela and congratulated him on his good luck in marrying her. Angela, wearing the same dress she had on at dinner in Buffalo, was striking. Her beautiful, flowing blonde hair captivated both Smite and MacHugh.
"Gee, what hair!" Smite observed secretly to MacHugh when neither Angela nor Eugene were within hearing distance.
"Wow, what hair!" Smite quietly remarked to MacHugh when neither Angela nor Eugene was close enough to hear.
"You're right," returned MacHugh. "She's not at all bad looking, is she?"
"You're right," MacHugh said. "She doesn't look bad at all, does she?"
"I should say not," returned Smite who admired Angela's simple, good-natured western manners. A little later, more subtly, they expressed their admiration to her, and she was greatly pleased.
"I would say not," replied Smite, who appreciated Angela's straightforward, friendly western manners. A little later, they hinted at their admiration for her, and she was really happy about it.
Marietta, who had arrived late that afternoon, had not made her appearance yet. She was in the one available studio bedroom making her toilet. Angela, in spite of her fine raiment, was busy superintending the cooking, for although through the janitor she had managed to negotiate the loan of a girl to serve, she could not get anyone to cook. A soup, a fish, a chicken and a salad, were the order of procedure. Marietta finally appeared, ravishing in pink silk. Both Smite and MacHugh sat up and Marietta proceeded to bewitch them. Marietta knew no order or distinctions in men. They were all slaves to her—victims to be stuck on the spit of her beauty and broiled in their amorous uncertainties at her leisure. In after years Eugene learned to speak of Marietta's smile as "the dagger." The moment she appeared smiling he would say, "Ah, we have it out again, have we? Who gets the blade this evening? Poor victim!"
Marietta, who had shown up late that afternoon, still hadn't made an appearance. She was in the only available studio bedroom getting ready. Angela, despite her nice clothes, was busy overseeing the cooking because, even though she had managed to borrow a girl to help, she couldn’t find anyone to cook. The plan was for a soup, a fish, a chicken, and a salad. Finally, Marietta showed up, stunning in pink silk. Both Smite and MacHugh perked up, and Marietta went on to enchant them. Marietta didn't see any order or distinctions among men. They were all her admirers—victims to be roasted over the fire of her beauty and simmering in their romantic uncertainties at her convenience. Later on, Eugene would refer to Marietta’s smile as "the dagger." The moment she appeared grinning, he would say, "Ah, we’re at it again, huh? Who’s the unlucky one this evening? Poor victim!"
[Pg 207] Being her brother-in-law now, he was free to slip his arm about her waist and she took this family connection as license to kiss him. There was something about Eugene which held her always. During these very first days she gratified her desire to be in his arms, but always with a sense of reserve which kept him in check. She wondered secretly how much he liked her.
[Pg 207] Now that he was her brother-in-law, he felt free to wrap his arm around her waist, and she viewed this family bond as permission to kiss him. There was something about Eugene that captivated her completely. In these early days, she indulged her wish to be in his arms, but always with a sense of restraint that held him back. She secretly wondered how much he actually liked her.
Smite and MacHugh, when she appeared, both rose to do her service. MacHugh offered her his chair by the fire. Smite bestirred himself in an aimless fashion.
Smite and MacHugh both stood up to greet her when she arrived. MacHugh offered her his chair near the fire. Smite fidgeted around aimlessly.
"I've just had such a dandy week up at West Point," began Marietta cheerfully, "dancing, seeing dress parades, walking with the soldier boys."
"I've just had an amazing week at West Point," Marietta said happily, "dancing, watching dress parades, and hanging out with the soldiers."
"I warn you two, here and now," began Eugene, who had already learned to tease Marietta, "that you're not safe. This woman here is dangerous. As artists in good standing you had better look out for yourselves."
"I warn you both, right here and now," started Eugene, who had already figured out how to tease Marietta, "that you're not out of the woods. This woman is a real threat. As respected artists, you should really watch out for yourselves."
"Oh, Eugene, how you talk," laughed Marietta, her teeth showing effectively. "Mr. Smite, I leave it to you. Isn't that a mean way to introduce a sister-in-law? I'm here for just a few days too, and have so little time. I think it cruel!"
"Oh, Eugene, you always know how to talk," laughed Marietta, showing off her teeth. "Mr. Smite, I’ll let you decide. Isn’t that a pretty rude way to introduce a sister-in-law? I’m only here for a few days and have so little time. I think it’s just cruel!"
"It's a shame!" said Smite, who was plainly a willing victim. "You ought to have another kind of brother-in-law. If you had some people I know now—"
"It's a shame!" said Smite, who clearly was a willing victim. "You should have a different kind of brother-in-law. If you had some people I know now—"
"It's an outrage," commented MacHugh. "There's one thing though. You may not require so very much time."
"It's outrageous," MacHugh said. "But there's one thing to consider. You might not need that much time."
"Now I think that's ungallant," Marietta laughed. "I see I'm all alone here except for Mr. Smite. Never mind. You all will be sorry when I'm gone."
"Now I think that's rude," Marietta laughed. "I see I'm all alone here except for Mr. Smite. Never mind. You all will regret it when I'm gone."
"I believe that," replied MacHugh, feelingly.
"I believe that," replied MacHugh, with feeling.
Smite simply stared. He was lost in admiration of her cream and peach complexion, her fluffy, silky brown hair, her bright blue eyes and plump rounded arms. Such radiant good nature would be heavenly to live with. He wondered what sort of a family this was that Eugene had become connected with. Angela, Marietta, a brother at West Point. They must be nice, conservative, well-to-do western people. Marietta went to help her sister, and Smite, in the absence of Eugene, said: "Say, he's in right, isn't he? She's a peach. She's got it a little on her sister."
Smite just stared. He was captivated by her cream and peach complexion, her fluffy, silky brown hair, her bright blue eyes, and her full, rounded arms. Living with someone so radiantly good-natured would be amazing. He wondered what kind of family this was that Eugene had become a part of. Angela, Marietta, a brother at West Point. They must be nice, conservative, well-off Western people. Marietta went to help her sister, and Smite, with Eugene absent, said, "Hey, he's got it good, doesn't he? She's a catch. She's got a bit of an edge over her sister."
MacHugh merely stared at the room. He was taken with the complexion and arrangement of things generally. The old furniture, the rugs, the hangings, the pictures, Eugene's borrowed maid servant in a white apron and cap, Angela, Marietta, the bright table set with colored china and an arrangement of [Pg 208] silver candlesticks—Eugene had certainly changed the tenor of his life radically within the last ten days. Why he was marvellously fortunate. This studio was a wonderful piece of luck. Some people—and he shook his head meditatively.
MacHugh just stared at the room. He was impressed by the overall look and arrangement of everything. The old furniture, the rugs, the drapes, the pictures, Eugene's borrowed maid in a white apron and cap, Angela, Marietta, the bright table set with colorful china and a display of [Pg 208] silver candlesticks—Eugene had definitely changed the course of his life dramatically in just the last ten days. He was incredibly lucky. This studio was a fantastic stroke of luck. Some people—and he shook his head thoughtfully.
"Well," said Eugene, coming back after some final touches to his appearance, "what do you think of it, Peter?"
"Well," said Eugene, returning after making some last adjustments to his look, "what do you think, Peter?"
"You're certainly moving along, Eugene. I never expected to see it. You ought to praise God. You're plain lucky."
"You're really making progress, Eugene. I never thought I’d see it. You should thank God. You’re just lucky."
Eugene smiled enigmatically. He was wondering whether he was. Neither Smite nor MacHugh nor anyone could dream of the conditions under which this came about. What a sham the world was anyhow. It's surface appearances so ridiculously deceptive! If anyone had known of the apparent necessity when he first started to look for an apartment, of his own mood toward it!
Eugene smiled in a mysterious way. He was questioning whether he really was. Neither Smite nor MacHugh nor anyone else could imagine the circumstances that led to this. What a joke the world was, anyway. Its surface appearances were so ridiculously misleading! If anyone had understood the so-called necessity when he first began looking for an apartment, along with his own feelings about it!
Marietta came back, and Angela. The latter had taken kindly to both these men, or boys as she already considered them. Eugene had a talent for reducing everybody to "simply folks," as he called them. So these two capable and talented men were mere country boys like himself—and Angela caught his attitude.
Marietta returned, along with Angela. The latter had taken a liking to both of these men, or boys, as she already viewed them. Eugene had a knack for making everyone feel like "just regular people," as he put it. So these two capable and talented guys were just country boys like him—and Angela mirrored his outlook.
"I'd like to have you let me make a sketch of you some day, Mrs. Witla," MacHugh said to Angela when she came back to the fire. He was essaying portraiture as a side line and he was anxious for good opportunities to practice.
"I’d love to make a sketch of you someday, Mrs. Witla," MacHugh said to Angela when she returned to the fire. He was trying his hand at portrait drawing as a side gig and was eager for good chances to practice.
Angela thrilled at the invitation, and the use of her new name, Mrs. Witla, by Eugene's old friends.
Angela was excited by the invitation and the use of her new name, Mrs. Witla, by Eugene's old friends.
"I'd be delighted," she replied, flushing.
"I'd be happy to," she said, blushing.
"My word, you look nice, Angel-Face," exclaimed Marietta, catching her about the waist. "You paint her with her hair down in braids, Mr. MacHugh. She makes a stunning Gretchen."
"My gosh, you look great, Angel-Face," shouted Marietta, wrapping her arms around her waist. "You captured her with her hair down in braids, Mr. MacHugh. She looks amazing as Gretchen."
Angela flushed anew.
Angela blushed again.
"I've been reserving that for myself, Peter," said Eugene, "but you try your hand at it. I'm not much in portraiture anyhow."
"I've been keeping that for myself, Peter," said Eugene, "but you give it a shot. I'm not great at portrait work anyway."
Smite smiled at Marietta. He wished he could paint her, but he was poor at figure work except as incidental characters in sea scenes. He could do men better than he could women.
Smite smiled at Marietta. He wished he could paint her, but he wasn't good at figure work unless it was just minor characters in seascapes. He could paint men better than women.
"If you were an old sea captain now, Miss Blue," he said to Marietta gallantly, "I could make a striking thing out of you."
"If you were an old sea captain now, Miss Blue," he said to Marietta with a flourish, "I could make something really impressive out of you."
"I'll try to be, if you want to paint me," she replied gaily. "I'd look fine in a big pair of boots and a raincoat, wouldn't I, Eugene?"
"I'll do my best to be that way if you want to paint me," she replied cheerfully. "I’d look great in a big pair of boots and a raincoat, wouldn’t I, Eugene?"
[Pg 209] "You certainly would, if I'm any judge," replied Smite. "Come over to the studio and I'll rig you out. I have all those things on hand."
[Pg 209] "You definitely would, if I'm any judge," Smite replied. "Come by the studio and I'll set you up. I have everything you need."
"I will," she replied, laughing. "You just say the word."
"I will," she said, laughing. "Just give me the word."
MacHugh felt as if Smite were stealing a march on him. He wanted to be nice to Marietta, to have her take an interest in him.
MacHugh felt like Smite was getting ahead of him. He wanted to be friendly to Marietta, to get her to take an interest in him.
"Now, looky, Joseph," he protested. "I was going to suggest making a study of Miss Blue myself."
"Now, listen, Joseph," he protested. "I was actually going to suggest studying Miss Blue myself."
"Well, you're too late," replied Smite. "You didn't speak quick enough."
"Well, you're too late," Smite replied. "You didn't speak fast enough."
Marietta was greatly impressed with this atmosphere in which Angela and Eugene were living. She expected to see something artistic, but nothing so nice as this particular studio. Angela explained to her that Eugene did not own it, but that made small difference in Marietta's estimate of its significance. Eugene had it. His art and social connections brought it about. They were beginning excellently well. If she could have as nice a home when she started on her married career she would be satisfied.
Marietta was really impressed by the atmosphere in which Angela and Eugene lived. She expected to see something artistic, but nothing as nice as this studio. Angela explained to her that Eugene didn’t own it, but that didn’t change Marietta’s view of its importance. Eugene had it. His art and social connections made it happen. They were getting off to a great start. If she could have as nice a home when she began her married life, she would be happy.
They sat down about the round teak table which was one of Dexter's prized possessions, and were served by Angela's borrowed maid. The conversation was light and for the most part pointless, serving only to familiarize these people with each other. Both Angela and Marietta were taken with the two artists because they felt in them a note of homely conservatism. These men spoke easily and naturally of the trials and triumphs of art life, and the difficulty of making a good living, and seemed to be at home with personages of repute in one world and another, its greatest reward.
They sat down at the round teak table, one of Dexter's prized possessions, and were served by Angela's borrowed maid. The conversation was casual and mostly meaningless, just a way to get to know each other. Both Angela and Marietta were drawn to the two artists because they sensed a touch of down-to-earth conservatism in them. The men spoke comfortably and naturally about the struggles and successes of artistic life, the challenges of earning a decent living, and seemed at ease with well-known figures from various circles, which was their greatest reward.
During the dinner Smite narrated experiences in his sea-faring life, and MacHugh of his mountain camping experiences in the West. Marietta described experiences with her beaux in Wisconsin and characteristics of her yokel neighbors at Blackwood, Angela joining in. Finally MacHugh drew a pencil sketch of Marietta followed by a long train of admiring yokels, her eyes turned up in a very shy, deceptive manner.
During dinner, Smite shared stories from his adventures at sea, while MacHugh talked about his camping trips in the mountains of the West. Marietta recounted her experiences with her suitors in Wisconsin and described the traits of her rustic neighbors in Blackwood, with Angela chiming in. In the end, MacHugh made a pencil sketch of Marietta, surrounded by a long line of admiring locals, her eyes looking up in a shy and somewhat misleading way.
"Now I think that's cruel," she declared, when Eugene laughed heartily. "I never look like that."
"Now I think that's mean," she said, when Eugene laughed loudly. "I never look like that."
"That's just the way you look and do," he declared. "You're the broad and flowery path that leadeth to destruction."
"That's just how you are," he said. "You're the wide, easy path that leads to ruin."
"Never mind, Babyette," put in Angela, "I'll take your part if no one else will. You're a nice, demure, shrinking girl and you wouldn't look at anyone, would you?"
"Don't worry, Babyette," Angela chimed in, "I'll stand up for you if no one else will. You're a sweet, shy girl and you wouldn't even look at anyone, would you?"
[Pg 210] Angela got up and was holding Marietta's head mock sympathetically in her arms.
[Pg 210] Angela got up and held Marietta's head in her arms with a feigned look of sympathy.
"Say, that's a dandy pet name," called Smite, moved by Marietta's beauty.
"Hey, that's a great pet name," said Smite, captivated by Marietta's beauty.
"Poor Marietta," observed Eugene. "Come over here to me and I'll sympathize with you."
"Poor Marietta," Eugene said. "Come here and I’ll sympathize with you."
"You don't take my drawing in the right spirit, Miss Blue," put in MacHugh cheerfully. "It's simply to show how popular you are."
"You’re not taking my drawing the way I intended, Miss Blue," MacHugh said cheerfully. "It's just to show how popular you are."
Angela stood beside Eugene as her guests departed, her slender arm about his waist. Marietta was coquetting finally with MacHugh. These two friends of his, thought Eugene, had the privilege of singleness to be gay and alluring to her. With him that was over now. He could not be that way to any girl any more. He had to behave—be calm and circumspect. It cut him, this thought. He saw at once it was not in accord with his nature. He wanted to do just as he had always done—make love to Marietta if she would let him, but he could not. He walked to the fire when the studio door was closed.
Angela stood next to Eugene as her guests left, her slim arm wrapped around his waist. Marietta was finally flirting with MacHugh. Eugene thought that these two friends of his had the freedom of being single, allowing them to be fun and attractive to her. For him, that was done now. He couldn’t act that way with any girl anymore. He had to be responsible—calm and careful. This thought stung him. He realized it didn't match his true self. He wanted to do exactly what he always had—make a move on Marietta if she was open to it, but he couldn't. He walked over to the fire when the studio door closed.
"They're such nice boys," exclaimed Marietta. "I think Mr. MacHugh is as funny as he can be. He has such droll wit."
"They're such great guys," Marietta exclaimed. "I think Mr. MacHugh is hilarious. He has such a quirky sense of humor."
"Smite is nice too," replied Eugene defensively.
"Smite is cool too," replied Eugene defensively.
"They're both lovely—just lovely," returned Marietta.
"They're both beautiful—just beautiful," Marietta replied.
"I like Mr. MacHugh a little the best—he's quainter," said Angela, "but I think Mr. Smite is just as nice as he can be. He's so old fashioned. There's not anyone as nice as my Eugene, though," she said affectionately, putting her arm about him.
"I like Mr. MacHugh a bit more—he's more unique," said Angela, "but I think Mr. Smite is just as nice as he can be. He's so old-fashioned. There’s no one as nice as my Eugene, though," she said affectionately, putting her arm around him.
"Oh, dear, you two!" exclaimed Marietta. "Well, I'm going to bed."
"Oh, come on, you two!" Marietta exclaimed. "Anyway, I'm heading to bed."
Eugene sighed.
Eugene let out a sigh.
They had arranged a couch for her which could be put behind the silver-spangled fish net in the alcove when company was gone.
They set up a couch for her that could be placed behind the silver-spangled fishnet in the alcove after guests left.
Eugene thought what a pity that already this affection of Angela's was old to him. It was not as it would be if he had taken Marietta or Christina. They went to their bed room to retire and then he saw that all he had was passion. Must he be satisfied with that? Could he be? It started a chain of thought which, while persistently interrupted or befogged, was really never broken. Momentary sympathy, desire, admiration, might obscure it, but always fundamentally it was there. He had made a mistake. He had put his head in a noose. He had subjected himself to conditions which he did not sincerely approve of. How was he going to remedy this—or could it ever be remedied?
Eugene thought it was a shame that Angela's affection felt familiar to him already. It wasn't the same as if he had chosen Marietta or Christina. They went to their bedroom to rest, and then he realized that all he had was passion. Should he be okay with that? Could he be? This sparked a train of thought that, despite being frequently interrupted or clouded, was never truly broken. Fleeting feelings of sympathy, desire, and admiration could temporarily block it out, but fundamentally, it was always there. He had made a mistake. He had put himself in a tight spot. He had agreed to conditions he didn't truly believe in. How was he supposed to fix this—or could it ever be fixed?
CHAPTER III
Whatever were Eugene's secret thoughts, he began his married life with the outward air of one who takes it seriously enough. Now that he was married, was actually bound by legal ties, he felt that he might as well make the best of it. He had once had the notion that it might be possible to say nothing of his marriage, and keep Angela in the background, but this notion had been dispelled by the attitude of MacHugh and Smite, to say nothing of Angela. So he began to consider the necessity of notifying his friends—Miriam Finch and Norma Whitmore and possibly Christina Channing, when she should return. These three women offered the largest difficulty to his mind. He felt the commentary which their personalities represented. What would they think of him? What of Angela? Now that she was right here in the city he could see that she represented a different order of thought. He had opened the campaign by suggesting that they invite Smite and MacHugh. The thing to do now was to go further in this matter.
Whatever Eugene was really thinking, he started his married life appearing to take it seriously enough. Now that he was married and legally bound, he felt he might as well make the most of it. He’d once thought he could keep his marriage a secret and keep Angela in the background, but that idea was shattered by the reactions of MacHugh and Smite, not to mention Angela herself. So he started to think about telling his friends—Miriam Finch and Norma Whitmore, and possibly Christina Channing when she returned. These three women were the most challenging for him. He was aware of the judgment their personalities might bring. What would they think of him? What about Angela? Now that she was right here in the city, he realized she represented a different perspective. He had kicked things off by suggesting they invite Smite and MacHugh. The next step was to take this further.
The one thing that troubled him was the thought of breaking the news to Miriam Finch, for Christina Channing was away, and Norma Whitmore was not of sufficient importance. He argued now that he should have done this beforehand, but having neglected that it behoved him to act at once. He did so, finally, writing to Norma Whitmore and saying, for he had no long explanation to make—"Yours truly is married. May I bring my wife up to see you?" Miss Whitmore was truly taken by surprise. She was sorry at first—very—because Eugene interested her greatly and she was afraid he would make a mistake in his marriage; but she hastened to make the best of a bad turn on the part of fate and wrote a note which ran as follows:
The one thing that bothered him was the thought of telling Miriam Finch the news since Christina Channing was away and Norma Whitmore wasn’t important enough. He argued with himself that he should have done this beforehand, but since he had neglected that, he needed to act quickly. So, he went ahead and wrote to Norma Whitmore, saying—since he didn’t have a long explanation to give—“Yours truly is married. Can I bring my wife up to see you?” Miss Whitmore was genuinely surprised. At first, she was really sorry—very much—because Eugene intrigued her greatly and she was worried he might make a mistake in his marriage; but she quickly tried to make the best of a bad situation and wrote a note that said the following:
"Dear Eugene and Eugene's Wife:
"This is news as is news. Congratulations. And I am
coming right down as soon as I get my breath. And then you two
must come to see me.
"Dear Eugene and Eugene's Wife:
"This is news as news gets. Congratulations! I’ll come over as soon as I catch my breath. Then you both need to come visit me."
"Norma Whitmore."
"Norma Whitmore."
Eugene was pleased and grateful that she took it so nicely, but Angela was the least big chagrined secretly that he had not told her before. Why hadn't he? Was this someone that he [Pg 212] was interested in? Those three years in which she had doubtingly waited for Eugene had whetted her suspicions and nurtured her fears. Still she tried to make little of it and to put on an air of joyousness. She would be so glad to meet Miss Whitmore. Eugene told her how kind she had been to him, how much she admired his art, how helpful she was in bringing together young literary and artistic people and how influential with those who counted. She could do him many a good turn. Angela listened patiently, but she was just the least bit resentful that he should think so much of any one woman outside of herself. Why should he, Eugene Witla, be dependent on the favor of any woman? Of course she must be very nice and they would be good friends, but—
Eugene was happy and thankful that she reacted so well, but Angela felt a little upset that he hadn't told her earlier. Why hadn't he? Was he interested in someone? Those three years of waiting for Eugene had raised her suspicions and fed her fears. Still, she tried to downplay it and put on a cheerful front. She would be thrilled to meet Miss Whitmore. Eugene shared how kind she had been to him, how much she admired his art, how helpful she was in connecting young writers and artists, and how influential she was with important people. She could really help him out. Angela listened patiently, but she felt a bit resentful that he thought so highly of any other woman outside of her. Why should he, Eugene Witla, rely on the approval of any woman? Of course, she must be very nice and they would be good friends, but—
Norma came one afternoon two days later with the atmosphere of enthusiasm trailing, as it seemed to Eugene, like a cloud of glory about her. She was both fire and strength to him in her regard and sympathy, even though she resented, ever so slightly, his affectional desertion.
Norma arrived one afternoon two days later, exuding an enthusiasm that, to Eugene, felt like a cloud of glory surrounding her. She brought both passion and strength to him with her attention and empathy, even though she felt, just a little, that he had emotionally distanced himself from her.
"You piggy-wiggy Eugene Witla," she exclaimed. "What do you mean by running off and getting married and never saying a word. I never even had a chance to get you a present and now I have to bring it. Isn't this a charming place—why it's perfectly delightful," and as she laid her present down unopened she looked about to see where Mrs. Eugene Witla might be.
"You little piggy, Eugene Witla," she exclaimed. "What do you think you’re doing running off and getting married without telling anyone? I didn’t even get a chance to buy you a gift, and now I have to bring it. Isn't this place lovely—it’s absolutely delightful," and as she set her gift down unopened, she looked around to see where Mrs. Eugene Witla might be.
Angela was in the bedroom finishing her toilet. She was expecting this descent and so was prepared, being suitably dressed in the light green house gown. When she heard Miss Whitmore's familiar mode of address she winced, for this spoke volumes for a boon companionship of long endurance. Eugene hadn't said so much of Miss Whitmore in the past as he had recently, but she could see that they were very intimate. She looked out and saw her—this tall, not very shapely, but graceful woman, whose whole being represented dynamic energy, awareness, subtlety of perception. Eugene was shaking her hand and looking genially into her face.
Angela was in the bedroom getting ready. She was expecting this visit, so she was dressed appropriately in her light green house gown. When she heard Miss Whitmore's familiar way of speaking, she flinched, as it hinted at a long, close friendship. Eugene hadn't mentioned Miss Whitmore as much in the past as he had recently, but she could tell they were very close. She looked out and saw her—this tall woman who wasn’t overly curvy but was graceful, radiating energy, awareness, and keen perception. Eugene was shaking her hand and looking warmly into her face.
"Why should Eugene like her so much?" she asked herself instantly. "Why did his face shine with that light of intense enthusiasm?" The "piggy-wiggy Eugene Witla" expression irritated her. It sounded as though she might be in love with him. She came out after a moment with a glad smile on her face and approached with every show of good feeling, but Miss Whitmore could sense opposition.
"Why does Eugene like her so much?" she immediately thought to herself. "Why does his face light up with that intense excitement?" The term "piggy-wiggy Eugene Witla" annoyed her. It made it seem like she might actually be in love with him. After a moment, she walked out with a cheerful smile and approached with every sign of goodwill, but Miss Whitmore could feel the resistance.
"So this is Mrs. Witla," she exclaimed, kissing her. "I'm delighted to know you. I have always wondered what sort of a [Pg 213] girl Mr. Witla would marry. You'll just have to pardon my calling him Eugene. I'll get over it after a bit, I suppose, now that he's married. But we've been such good friends and I admire his work so much. How do you like studio life—or are you used to it?"
"So this is Mrs. Witla," she exclaimed, kissing her. "I'm so glad to meet you. I've always been curious about what kind of girl Mr. Witla would marry. Please excuse me for calling him Eugene. I guess I'll get used to it eventually now that he's married. We've been such good friends, and I really admire his work. How do you like life in the studio—or are you already used to it?"
Angela, who was taking in every detail of Eugene's old friend, replied in what seemed an affected tone that no, she wasn't used to studio life: she was just from the country, you know—a regular farmer girl—Blackwood, Wisconsin, no less! She stopped to let Norma express friendly surprise, and then went on to say that she supposed Eugene had not said very much about her, but he wrote her often enough. She was rejoicing in the fact that whatever slight Eugene's previous silence seemed to put upon her, she had the satisfaction that she had won him after all and Miss Whitmore had not. She fancied from Miss Whitmore's enthusiastic attitude that she must like Eugene very much, and she could see now what sort of women might have made him wish to delay. Who were the others, she wondered?
Angela, taking in every detail of Eugene's old friend, replied in what sounded like a pretentious tone that no, she wasn't used to studio life; she was just a country girl from Blackwood, Wisconsin! She paused to let Norma show friendly surprise, then continued, saying she guessed Eugene hadn’t said much about her, but he wrote to her often enough. She was feeling good about the fact that, despite Eugene’s earlier silence seeming to dismiss her, she was satisfied that she had won him over in the end and Miss Whitmore had not. She guessed from Miss Whitmore's eager attitude that she must really like Eugene, and she could now see the type of women who might have made him hesitate. Who were the others, she wondered?
They talked of metropolitan experiences generally. Marietta came in from a shopping expedition with a Mrs. Link, wife of an army captain acting as an instructor at West Point, and tea was served immediately afterward. Miss Whitmore was insistent that they should come and take dinner with her some evening. Eugene confided that he was sending a painting to the Academy.
They discussed city life in general. Marietta returned from shopping with Mrs. Link, the wife of an army captain who was teaching at West Point, and tea was served right after. Miss Whitmore urged them to come over for dinner one evening. Eugene shared that he was sending a painting to the Academy.
"They'll hang it, of course," assured Norma, "but you ought to have an exhibition of your own."
"They'll definitely hang it," Norma said confidently, "but you really should have your own exhibition."
Marietta gushed about the wonder of the big stores and so it finally came time for Miss Whitmore to go.
Marietta raved about how amazing the big stores were, and eventually, it was time for Miss Whitmore to leave.
"Now you will come up, won't you?" she said to Angela, for in spite of a certain feeling of incompatibility and difference she was determined to like her. She thought Angela a little inexperienced and presumptuous in marrying Eugene. She was afraid she was not up to his standard. Still she was quaint, piquant. Perhaps she would do very well. Angela was thinking all the while that Miss Whitmore was presuming on her old acquaintance with Eugene—that she was too affected and enthusiastic.
"Now you're going to join us, right?" she said to Angela, because despite feeling a bit out of place and different, she was set on liking her. She thought Angela was a bit naïve and overconfident for marrying Eugene. She worried that Angela might not meet his expectations. Still, she had a unique charm that was appealing. Maybe she'd turn out to be just fine. Meanwhile, Angela was thinking that Miss Whitmore was relying too much on her old connection with Eugene and that she seemed overly dramatic and excited.
There was another day on which Miriam Finch called. Richard Wheeler, having learned at Smite's and MacHugh's studio of Eugene's marriage and present whereabouts, had hurried over, and then immediately afterwards off to Miriam Finch's studio. Surprised himself, he knew that she would be more so.
There was another day when Miriam Finch called. Richard Wheeler, having learned at Smite's and MacHugh's studio about Eugene's marriage and current location, hurried over and then right after went to Miriam Finch's studio. Surprised himself, he knew she would be even more surprised.
"Witla's married!" he exclaimed, bursting into her room, and [Pg 214] for the moment Miriam lost her self-possession sufficiently to reply almost dramatically: "Richard Wheeler, what are you talking about! You don't mean that, do you?"
"Witla's married!" he shouted, rushing into her room, and [Pg 214] for a moment, Miriam lost her composure enough to respond almost dramatically: "Richard Wheeler, what are you talking about? You can't be serious, right?"
"He's married," insisted Wheeler, "and he's living down in Washington Square, 61 is the number. He has the cutest yellow-haired wife you ever saw."
"He's married," Wheeler insisted, "and he's living in Washington Square, 61 is the address. He has the cutest blonde wife you’ve ever seen."
Angela had been nice to Wheeler and he liked her. He liked the air of this domicile and thought it was going to be a good thing for Eugene. He needed to settle down and work hard.
Angela had been kind to Wheeler, and he liked her. He appreciated the vibe of this place and thought it was going to be good for Eugene. He needed to settle down and work hard.
Miriam winced mentally at the picture. She was hurt by this deception of Eugene's, chagrined because he had not thought enough of her even to indicate that he was going to get married.
Miriam mentally cringed at the thought. She felt hurt by Eugene's betrayal, frustrated that he didn't think enough of her to at least mention that he was getting married.
"He's been married ten days," communicated Wheeler, and this added force to her temporary chagrin. The fact that Angela was yellow-haired and cute was also disturbing.
"He's been married for ten days," Wheeler said, adding to her momentary frustration. The fact that Angela was blonde and cute was also upsetting.
"Well," she finally exclaimed cheerfully, "he might have said something to us, mightn't he?" and she covered her own original confusion by a gay nonchalance which showed nothing of what she was really thinking. This was certainly indifference on Eugene's part, and yet, why shouldn't he? He had never proposed to her. Still they had been so intimate mentally.
"Well," she finally said cheerfully, "he could have said something to us, couldn't he?" and she hid her own initial confusion with a carefree attitude that revealed none of her true thoughts. This was definitely indifference on Eugene's part, but why shouldn't he? He had never proposed to her. Still, they had been so mentally close.
She was interested to see Angela. She wondered what sort of a woman she really was. "Yellow-haired! Cute!" Of course, like all men, Eugene had sacrificed intellect and mental charm for a dainty form and a pretty face. It seemed queer, but she had fancied that he would not do that—that his wife, if he ever took one, would be tall perhaps, and gracious, and of a beautiful mind—someone distinguished. Why would men, intellectual men, artistic men, any kind of men, invariably make fools of themselves! Well, she would go and see her.
She was curious to meet Angela. She wondered what kind of woman she really was. "Blonde! Cute!" Of course, like all guys, Eugene had traded intellect and charm for a slim figure and a pretty face. It seemed strange, but she had imagined he wouldn't do that—that his wife, if he ever had one, would be tall, graceful, and intellectually impressive—someone remarkable. Why do men, smart men, artistic men, any kind of men, always make fools of themselves? Well, she would go and meet her.
Because Wheeler informed him that he had told Miriam, Eugene wrote, saying as briefly as possible that he was married and that he wanted to bring Angela to her studio. For reply she came herself, gay, smiling, immaculately dressed, anxious to hurt Angela because she had proved the victor. She also wanted to show Eugene how little difference it all made to her.
Because Wheeler told him that he had mentioned it to Miriam, Eugene wrote, saying as briefly as possible that he was married and that he wanted to bring Angela to her studio. In response, she came herself, cheerful, smiling, impeccably dressed, eager to hurt Angela because she had come out on top. She also wanted to show Eugene how little it all affected her.
"You certainly are a secretive young man, Mr. Eugene Witla," she exclaimed, when she saw him. "Why didn't you make him tell us, Mrs. Witla?" she demanded archly of Angela, but with a secret dagger thrust in her eyes. "You'd think he didn't want us to know."
"You really are a mysterious young man, Mr. Eugene Witla," she said when she saw him. "Why didn't you make him tell us, Mrs. Witla?" she asked mischievously of Angela, but with a hidden sharpness in her gaze. "You’d think he didn’t want us to know."
Angela cowered beneath the sting of this whip cord. Miriam made her feel as though Eugene had attempted to conceal his [Pg 215] relationship to her—as though he was ashamed of her. How many more women were there like Miriam and Norma Whitmore?
Angela shrank back from the sharpness of this whip cord. Miriam made her feel as if Eugene had tried to hide his relationship with her—as if he was embarrassed by her. How many more women were there like Miriam and Norma Whitmore?
Eugene was gaily unconscious of the real animus in Miriam's conversation, and now that the first cruel moment was over, was talking glibly of things in general, anxious to make everything seem as simple and natural as possible. He was working at one of his pictures when Miriam came in and was eager to obtain her critical opinion, since it was nearly done. She squinted at it narrowly but said nothing when he asked. Ordinarily she would have applauded it vigorously. She did think it exceptional, but was determined to say nothing. She walked indifferently about, examining this and that object in a superior way, asking how he came to obtain the studio, congratulating him upon his good luck. Angela, she decided, was interesting, but not in Eugene's class mentally, and should be ignored. He had made a mistake, that was plain.
Eugene was cheerfully unaware of the underlying tension in Miriam's conversation, and now that the initial awkward moment had passed, he was chatting easily about random topics, trying to make everything feel as straightforward and normal as possible. He was working on one of his paintings when Miriam came in and was keen to get her feedback since it was almost finished. She looked at it closely but didn’t say anything when he asked. Usually, she would have praised it enthusiastically. She did think it was exceptional, but she was resolved to keep quiet. She walked around casually, inspecting various items with a condescending attitude, inquiring about how he got the studio, and congratulating him on his good fortune. Angela, she concluded, was interesting, but not on Eugene's intellectual level, and should be disregarded. It was clear he had made a mistake.
"Now you must bring Mrs. Witla up to see me," she said on leaving. "I'll play and sing all my latest songs for you. I have made some of the daintest discoveries in old Italian and Spanish pieces."
"Now you have to bring Mrs. Witla to see me," she said as she was leaving. "I'll play and sing all my newest songs for you. I've made some delightful discoveries in old Italian and Spanish pieces."
Angela, who had posed to Eugene as knowing something about music, resented this superior invitation, without inquiry as to her own possible ability or taste, as she did Miriam's entire attitude. Why was she so haughty—so superior? What was it to her whether Eugene had said anything about her or not?
Angela, who had pretended to Eugene that she knew something about music, felt irritated by this condescending invitation, especially since there was no consideration of her own abilities or taste, just like she felt about Miriam's whole attitude. Why was she so arrogant—so self-important? What did it matter to her if Eugene had mentioned her or not?
She said nothing to show that she herself played, but she wondered that Eugene said nothing. It seemed neglectful and inconsiderate of him. He was busy wondering what Miriam thought of his picture. Miriam took his hand warmly at parting, looked cheerfully into his eyes, and said, "I know you two are going to be irrationally happy," and went out.
She didn’t say anything to indicate that she played, but she was surprised that Eugene didn’t say anything. It felt neglectful and inconsiderate on his part. He was too caught up in wondering what Miriam thought of his painting. Miriam took his hand warmly when they said goodbye, looked happily into his eyes, and said, "I know you two are going to be ridiculously happy," before leaving.
Eugene felt the irritation at last. He knew Angela felt something. Miriam was resentful, that was it. She was angry at him for his seeming indifference. She had commented to herself on Angela's appearance and to her disadvantage. In her manner had been the statement that his wife was not very important after all, not of the artistic and superior world to which she and he belonged.
Eugene finally felt the irritation. He knew Angela was feeling something. Miriam was resentful, that was the issue. She was angry at him for what seemed like indifference. She had remarked to herself about Angela's looks, which worked against her. In her attitude, there was an implication that his wife didn’t really matter after all, not to the artistic and superior world that she and he were a part of.
"How do you like her?" he asked tentatively after she had gone, feeling a strong current of opposition, but not knowing on what it might be based exactly.
"How do you like her?" he asked cautiously after she had left, sensing a strong feeling of resistance but not quite sure what it was based on.
"I don't like her," returned Angela petulantly. "She thinks she's sweet. She treats you as though she thought you were her [Pg 216] personal property. She openly insulted me about your not telling her. Miss Whitmore did the same thing—they all do! They all will! Oh!!"
"I don't like her," Angela said with irritation. "She thinks she's so nice. She acts like you're her personal property. She publicly insulted me for you not telling her. Miss Whitmore did the same thing—they all do! They all will! Oh!!"
She suddenly burst into tears and ran crying toward their bedroom.
She suddenly started crying and ran to their bedroom.
Eugene followed, astonished, ashamed, rebuked, guilty minded, almost terror-stricken—he hardly knew what.
Eugene followed, stunned, embarrassed, scolded, feeling guilty, almost terrified—he barely understood what he was feeling.
"Why, Angela," he urged pleadingly, leaning over her and attempting to raise her. "You know that isn't true."
"Come on, Angela," he said earnestly, leaning over her and trying to lift her up. "You know that’s not true."
"It is! It is!!" she insisted. "Don't touch me! Don't come near me! You know it is true! You don't love me. You haven't treated me right at all since I've been here. You haven't done anything that you should have done. She insulted me openly to my face."
"It is! It is!!" she insisted. "Don't touch me! Don't come near me! You know it’s true! You don’t love me. You haven’t treated me right at all since I've been here. You haven’t done anything you should have done. She insulted me right to my face."
She was speaking with sobs, and Eugene was at once pained and terrorized by the persistent and unexpected display of emotion. He had never seen Angela like this before. He had never seen any woman so.
She was speaking through sobs, and Eugene felt both hurt and frightened by her ongoing and surprising display of emotion. He had never seen Angela like this before. He had never seen any woman act this way.
"Why, Angelface," he urged, "how can you go on like this? You know what you say isn't true. What have I done?"
"Why, Angelface," he pleaded, "how can you keep this up? You know what you're saying isn't true. What have I done?"
"You haven't told your friends—that's what you haven't done," she exclaimed between gasps. "They still think you're single. You keep me here hidden in the background as though I were a—were a—I don't know what! Your friends come and insult me openly to my face. They do! They do! Oh!" and she sobbed anew.
"You haven't told your friends—that's what you haven't done," she exclaimed between breaths. "They still think you're single. You keep me here hidden in the background as if I were a—were a—I don't know what! Your friends come and insult me right to my face. They do! They do! Oh!" and she sobbed again.
She knew very well what she was doing in her anger and rage. She felt that she was acting in the right way. Eugene needed a severe reproof; he had acted very badly, and this was the way to administer it to him now in the beginning. His conduct was indefensible, and only the fact that he was an artist, immersed in cloudy artistic thoughts and not really subject to the ordinary conventions of life, saved him in her estimation. It didn't matter that she had urged him to marry her. It didn't absolve him that he had done so. She thought he owed her that. Anyhow they were married now, and he should do the proper thing.
She knew exactly what she was doing in her anger and rage. She felt justified in her actions. Eugene needed a serious reprimand; he had behaved very poorly, and this was the right way to address it right from the start. His behavior was unacceptable, and the only reason she gave him any leeway in her mind was that he was an artist, caught up in his complex artistic thoughts and not really bound by the usual rules of society. It didn’t matter that she had urged him to marry her. It didn’t excuse him that he had agreed to it. She believed he owed her that. Anyway, they were married now, and he should act appropriately.
Eugene stood there cut as with a knife by this terrific charge. He had not meant anything by concealing her presence, he thought. He had only endeavored to protect himself very slightly, temporarily.
Eugene stood there as if struck by lightning from this shocking accusation. He hadn’t intended anything by hiding her presence, he believed. He had only tried to protect himself a little, just for the moment.
"You oughtn't to say that, Angela," he pleaded. "There aren't any more that don't know—at least any more that I care anything about. I didn't think. I didn't mean to conceal [Pg 217] anything. I'll write to everybody that might be interested."
"You shouldn't say that, Angela," he urged. "Everyone knows already—at least everyone I care about. I didn't think about it. I didn't intend to hide anything. I'll reach out to everyone who might be interested."
He still felt hurt that she should brutally attack him this way even in her sorrow. He was wrong, no doubt, but she? Was this a way to act, this the nature of true love? He mentally writhed and twisted.
He still felt hurt that she would lash out at him like this even while she was upset. He knew he was wrong, no doubt about it, but what about her? Was this how someone in love should act? He mentally twisted and turned.
Taking her up in his arms, smoothing her hair, he asked her to forgive him. Finally, when she thought she had punished him enough, and that he was truly sorry and would make amends in the future, she pretended to listen and then of a sudden threw her arms about his neck and began to hug and kiss him. Passion, of course, was the end of this, but the whole thing left a disagreeable taste in Eugene's mouth. He did not like scenes. He preferred the lofty indifference of Miriam, the gay subterfuge of Norma, the supreme stoicism of Christina Channing. This noisy, tempestuous, angry emotion was not quite the thing to have introduced into his life. He did not see how that would make for love between them.
Picking her up in his arms and smoothing her hair, he asked her to forgive him. Finally, when she thought she had punished him enough, and that he was genuinely sorry and would make things right in the future, she pretended to listen and then suddenly wrapped her arms around his neck and started to hug and kiss him. Passion, of course, followed, but the whole situation left a bitter taste in Eugene's mouth. He didn't like dramatic scenes. He preferred the cool indifference of Miriam, the playful deceit of Norma, the ultimate stoicism of Christina Channing. This loud, turbulent, angry emotion didn't seem like a fitting addition to his life. He couldn't see how it would lead to love between them.
Still Angela was sweet, he thought. She was a little girl—not as wise as Norma Whitmore, not as self-protective as Miriam Finch or Christina Channing. Perhaps after all she needed his care and affection. Maybe it was best for her and for him that he had married her.
Still, Angela was sweet, he thought. She was a little girl—not as wise as Norma Whitmore, not as self-protective as Miriam Finch or Christina Channing. Maybe, after all, she needed his care and affection. Perhaps it was best for both her and him that he had married her.
So thinking he rocked her in his arms, and Angela, lying there, was satisfied. She had won a most important victory. She was starting right. She was starting Eugene right. She would get the moral, mental and emotional upper hand of him and keep it. Then these women, who thought themselves so superior, could go their way. She would have Eugene and he would be a great man and she would be his wife. That was all she wanted.
So, as he held her in his arms, Angela felt content. She had achieved a significant victory. She was starting off on the right foot. She was guiding Eugene in the right direction. She would gain and maintain the moral, mental, and emotional control over him. Then those women who believed they were so much better could do what they wanted. She would have Eugene, and he would become a great man while she would be his wife. That was all she desired.
CHAPTER IV
The result of Angela's outburst was that Eugene hastened to notify those whom he had not already informed—Shotmeyer, his father and mother, Sylvia, Myrtle, Hudson Dula—and received in return cards and letters of congratulation expressing surprise and interest, which he presented to Angela in a conciliatory spirit. She realized, after it was all over, that she had given him an unpleasant shock, and was anxious to make up to him in personal affection what she had apparently compelled him to suffer for policy's sake. Eugene did not know that in Angela, despite her smallness of body and what seemed to him her babyishness of spirit, he had to deal with a thinking woman who was quite wise as to ways and means of handling her personal affairs. She was, of course, whirled in the maelstrom of her affection for Eugene and this was confusing, and she did not understand the emotional and philosophic reaches of his mind; but she did understand instinctively what made for a stable relationship between husband and wife and between any married couple and the world. To her the utterance of the marriage vow meant just what it said, that they would cleave each to the other; there should be henceforth no thoughts, feelings, or emotions, and decidedly no actions which would not conform with the letter and the spirit of the marriage vow.
The result of Angela's outburst was that Eugene quickly reached out to everyone he hadn’t already told—Shotmeyer, his parents, Sylvia, Myrtle, Hudson Dula—and received cards and letters of congratulations expressing surprise and interest, which he handed to Angela in a conciliatory way. After everything settled down, she realized she had shocked him and felt eager to compensate for the discomfort she caused him for the sake of appearances. Eugene didn’t realize that, despite Angela’s small stature and what he saw as her childishness, he was dealing with a smart woman who understood how to manage her personal affairs. She was, of course, caught up in her deep feelings for Eugene, which made everything confusing, and she didn’t fully grasp the emotional and philosophical depths of his thoughts; however, she instinctively understood what it took to maintain a stable relationship between husband and wife and between any married couple and the world. To her, the marriage vow meant exactly what it stated—that they would stick together; from then on, there shouldn’t be any thoughts, feelings, or actions that didn’t align with both the letter and the spirit of their marriage vows.
Eugene had sensed something of this, but not accurately or completely. He did not correctly estimate either the courage or the rigidity of her beliefs and convictions. He thought that her character might possibly partake of some of his own easy tolerance and good nature. She must know that people—men particularly—were more or less unstable in their make-up. Life could not be governed by hard and fast rules. Why, everybody knew that. You might try, and should hold yourself in check as much as possible for the sake of self-preservation and social appearances, but if you erred—and you might easily—it was no crime. Certainly it was no crime to look at another woman longingly. If you went astray, overbalanced by your desires, wasn't it after all in the scheme of things? Did we make our desires? Certainly we did not, and if we did not succeed completely in controlling them—well—
Eugene had sensed some of this, but not accurately or completely. He didn’t really understand either the strength or the rigidity of her beliefs and convictions. He thought her character might share some of his own easygoing tolerance and good nature. She had to know that people—especially men—were pretty unstable. Life couldn’t be governed by strict rules. After all, everyone knew that. You could try and should keep yourself in check as much as possible for the sake of self-preservation and social appearances, but if you made a mistake—and it could happen easily—it wasn’t a crime. It definitely wasn’t a crime to look at another woman with longing. If you went off course, swayed by your desires, wasn’t that just part of life? Did we create our own desires? Of course we didn’t, and if we didn’t completely succeed in controlling them—well—
The drift of life into which they now settled was interesting [Pg 219] enough, though for Eugene it was complicated with the thought of possible failure, for he was, as might well be expected of such a temperament, of a worrying nature, and inclined, in his hours of ordinary effort, to look on the dark side of things. The fact that he had married Angela against his will, the fact that he had no definite art connections which produced him as yet anything more than two thousand dollars a year, the fact that he had assumed financial obligations which doubled the cost of food, clothing, entertainment, and rent—for their studio was costing him thirty dollars more than had his share of the Smite-MacHugh chambers—weighed on him. The dinner which he had given to Smite and MacHugh had cost about eight dollars over and above the ordinary expenses of the week. Others of a similar character would cost as much and more. He would have to take Angela to the theatre occasionally. There would be the need of furnishing a new studio the following fall, unless another such windfall as this manifested itself. Although Angela had equipped herself with a varied and serviceable trousseau, her clothes would not last forever. Odd necessities began to crop up not long after they were married, and he began to see that if they lived with anything like the freedom and care with which he had before he was married, his income would have to be larger and surer.
The flow of life they were now settling into was pretty interesting [Pg 219], but for Eugene, it was complicated by the worry of possible failure. As one might expect from his temperament, he had a tendency to worry and often looked at the negative side of things during his usual efforts. The fact that he had married Angela against his wishes, along with the reality that his art connections were only bringing in about two thousand dollars a year, weighed heavily on him. He had also taken on financial responsibilities that doubled his costs for food, clothing, entertainment, and rent—since their studio was costing him thirty dollars more than his share of the Smite-MacHugh chambers. The dinner he had hosted for Smite and MacHugh had gone about eight dollars over the usual weekly expenses. Similar outings would be just as costly or more. He would need to take Angela to the theater now and then. Plus, he would have to furnish a new studio the following fall unless another unexpected financial windfall came his way. Although Angela had prepared a practical and stylish wardrobe, her clothes wouldn't last forever. Various necessities started popping up soon after they got married, and he realized that if they continued to live with the same freedom and ease he had enjoyed before marriage, he would need a bigger and more reliable income.
The energy which these thoughts provoked was not without result. For one thing he sent the original of the East Side picture, "Six O'clock" to the American Academy of Design exhibition—a thing which he might have done long before but failed to do.
The energy these thoughts sparked was not without consequence. For one thing, he finally sent the original of the East Side painting, "Six O'clock," to the American Academy of Design exhibition—something he could have done much earlier but didn't.
Angela had heard from Eugene that the National Academy of Design was a forum for the display of art to which the public was invited or admitted for a charge. To have a picture accepted by this society and hung on the line was in its way a mark of merit and approval, though Eugene did not think very highly of it. All the pictures were judged by a jury of artists which decided whether they should be admitted or rejected, and if admitted whether they should be given a place of honor or hung in some inconspicuous position. To be hung "on the line" was to have your picture placed in the lower tier where the light was excellent and the public could get a good view of it. Eugene had thought the first two years he was in New York that he was really not sufficiently experienced or meritorious, and the previous year he had thought that he would hoard all that he was doing for his first appearance in some exhibition of his own, thinking the National Academy commonplace [Pg 220] and retrogressive. The exhibitions he had seen thus far had been full of commonplace, dead-and-alive stuff, he thought. It was no great honor to be admitted to such a collection. Now, because MacHugh was trying, and because he had accumulated nearly enough pictures for exhibition at a private gallery which he hoped to interest, he was anxious to see what the standard body of American artists thought of his work. They might reject him. If so that would merely prove that they did not recognize a radical departure from accepted methods and subject matter as art. The impressionists, he understood, were being so ignored. Later they would accept him. If he were admitted it would simply mean that they knew better than he believed they did.
Angela had heard from Eugene that the National Academy of Design was a venue where art was displayed, and the public could attend for a fee. Having a piece accepted by this society and displayed prominently was seen as a sign of merit and approval, even though Eugene didn’t think highly of it. A jury of artists judged all the artworks to decide if they would be accepted or rejected, and if accepted, whether they would be given a prime spot or tucked away in a less noticeable place. Being hung "on the line" meant having your artwork placed in the lower section where the lighting was great and the audience could see it well. For the first two years he was in New York, Eugene believed he wasn’t experienced or accomplished enough, and the year before, he thought he should save all his work for his first solo exhibition, considering the National Academy to be ordinary and outdated. The exhibitions he had seen up to that point were filled with bland, lifeless art, in his opinion. It wasn’t a big honor to be part of such a collection. Now, since MacHugh was making an effort, and because he had almost enough paintings for a show at a private gallery he hoped to engage, he was eager to find out how the standard group of American artists viewed his work. They might turn him down. If that happened, it would just show they didn’t recognize a significant shift from established methods and subjects as art. He understood that the impressionists had been largely overlooked. Eventually, they would come around. If he got accepted, it would simply mean they understood more than he thought they did.
"I believe I will do it," he said; "I'd like to know what they think of my stuff anyhow."
"I think I will do it," he said; "I'd like to know what they think of my work anyway."
The picture was sent as he had planned, and to his immense satisfaction it was accepted and hung. It did not, for some reason, attract as much attention as it might, but it was not without its modicum of praise. Owen Overman, the poet, met him in the general reception entrance of the Academy on the opening night, and congratulated him sincerely. "I remember seeing that in Truth," he said, "but it's much better in the original. It's fine. You ought to do a lot of those things."
The picture was sent as he had planned, and to his great satisfaction, it was accepted and displayed. For some reason, it didn’t get as much attention as it could have, but it did receive some praise. Owen Overman, the poet, ran into him in the main reception area of the Academy on opening night and congratulated him genuinely. "I remember seeing that in Truth," he said, "but it's so much better in the original. It's great. You should create more of those."
"I am," replied Eugene. "I expect to have a show of my own one of these days."
"I am," replied Eugene. "I hope to have my own show one of these days."
He called Angela, who had wandered away to look at a piece of statuary, and introduced her.
He called Angela, who had drifted off to check out a piece of sculpture, and introduced her.
"I was just telling your husband how much I like his picture," Overman informed her.
"I was just telling your husband how much I like his picture," Overman said to her.
Angela was flattered that her husband was so much of a personage that he could have his picture hung in a great exhibition such as this, with its walls crowded with what seemed to her magnificent canvases, and its rooms filled with important and distinguished people. As they strolled about Eugene pointed out to her this well known artist and that writer, saying almost always that they were very able. He knew three or four of the celebrated collectors, prize givers, and art patrons by sight, and told Angela who they were. There were a number of striking looking models present whom Eugene knew either by reputation, whispered comment of friends, or personally—Zelma Desmond, who had posed for Eugene, Hedda Anderson, Anna Magruder and Laura Matthewson among others. Angela was struck and in a way taken by the dash and beauty of these girls. They carried themselves with an air of personal freedom [Pg 221] and courage which surprised her. Hedda Anderson was bold in her appearance but immensely smart. Her manner seemed to comment on the ordinary woman as being indifferent and not worth while. She looked at Angela walking with Eugene and wondered who she was.
Angela felt flattered that her husband was such a big deal that his picture could be displayed in a major exhibition like this, with its walls jam-packed with what she thought were amazing artworks and its rooms filled with important and distinguished guests. As they walked around, Eugene pointed out this well-known artist and that writer, often mentioning that they were quite talented. He recognized three or four famous collectors, award givers, and art patrons and shared their names with Angela. There were quite a few striking models present whom Eugene knew either by reputation, through friends' whispers, or personally—Zelma Desmond, who had posed for him, Hedda Anderson, Anna Magruder, and Laura Matthewson, among others. Angela was impressed and a bit captivated by the confidence and beauty of these girls. They carried themselves with an air of personal freedom and bravery that surprised her. Hedda Anderson was bold in appearance yet incredibly stylish. Her demeanor seemed to suggest that ordinary women were uninteresting and not worth noticing. She looked at Angela walking with Eugene and wondered who she was.
"Isn't she striking," observed Angela, not knowing she was anyone whom Eugene knew.
"Isn't she stunning?" Angela commented, unaware that she was someone Eugene knew.
"I know her well," he replied; "she's a model."
"I know her well," he replied; "she's a model."
Just then Miss Anderson in return for his nod gave him a fetching smile. Angela chilled.
Just then, Miss Anderson smiled back at him in response to his nod. Angela felt cold.
Elizabeth Stein passed by and he nodded to her.
Elizabeth Stein walked by, and he nodded at her.
"Who is she?" asked Angela.
"Who is she?" Angela asked.
"She's a socialist agitator and radical. She sometimes speaks from a soap-box on the East Side."
"She's a socialist activist and radical. Sometimes, she speaks from a soapbox on the East Side."
Angela studied her carefully. Her waxen complexion, smooth black hair laid in even plaits over her forehead, her straight, thin, chiseled nose, even red lips and low forehead indicated a daring and subtle soul. Angela did not understand her. She could not understand a girl as good looking as that doing any such thing as Eugene said, and yet she had a bold, rather free and easy air. She thought Eugene certainly knew strange people. He introduced to her William McConnell, Hudson Dula, who had not yet been to see them, Jan Jansen, Louis Deesa, Leonard Baker and Paynter Stone.
Angela studied her closely. Her pale skin, smooth black hair neatly arranged in plaits across her forehead, her straight, thin, defined nose, full red lips, and low forehead suggested a bold and complex personality. Angela couldn't figure her out. She couldn’t comprehend how a girl who looked that stunning could engage in the things Eugene mentioned, yet she had a confident, carefree vibe. Angela thought Eugene definitely knew some unusual people. He introduced her to William McConnell, Hudson Dula, who hadn't visited them yet, Jan Jansen, Louis Deesa, Leonard Baker, and Paynter Stone.
In regard to Eugene's picture the papers, with one exception, had nothing to say, but this one in both Eugene's and Angela's minds made up for all the others. It was the Evening Sun, a most excellent medium for art opinion, and it was very definite in its conclusions in regard to this particular work. The statement was:
In relation to Eugene's painting, the newspapers, except for one, had nothing to report. However, this one made up for all the others in both Eugene's and Angela's minds. It was the Evening Sun, a highly regarded source for art criticism, and it was very clear in its assessment of this particular piece. The statement was:
"A new painter, Eugene Witla, has an oil entitled 'Six O'clock' which for directness, virility, sympathy, faithfulness to detail and what for want of a better term we may call totality of spirit, is quite the best thing in the exhibition. It looks rather out of place surrounded by the weak and spindling interpretations of scenery and water which so readily find a place in the exhibition of the Academy, but it is none the weaker for that. The artist has a new, crude, raw and almost rough method, but his picture seems to say quite clearly what he sees and feels. He may have to wait—if this is not a single burst of ability—but he will have a hearing. There is no question of that. Eugene Witla is an artist."
A new painter, Eugene Witla, has an oil painting called 'Six O'clock' that is by far the best piece in the exhibition in terms of its directness, strength, emotional depth, attention to detail, and overall spirit. It feels a bit out of place next to the weak and flimsy interpretations of scenery and water that often fill the Academy's exhibitions, but that doesn’t make it any less impressive. The artist has a fresh, bold, and almost rough style, yet his painting clearly conveys what he sees and feels. He might have to wait for recognition—if this isn’t just a one-time burst of talent—but he will definitely be heard. There’s no doubt about that. Eugene Witla is an artist.
Eugene thrilled when he read this commentary. It was quite what he would have said himself if he had dared. Angela [Pg 222] was beside herself with joy. Who was the critic who had said this, they wondered? What was he like? He must be truly an intellectual personage. Eugene wanted to go and look him up. If one saw his talent now, others would see it later. It was for this reason—though the picture subsequently came back to him unsold, and unmentioned so far as merit or prizes were concerned—that he decided to try for an exhibition of his own.
Eugene was thrilled when he read this commentary. It was exactly what he would have said himself if he had the courage. Angela [Pg 222] was overwhelmed with joy. Who was the critic who had written this, they wondered? What was he like? He must be a truly intellectual person. Eugene wanted to go find him. If people recognized his talent now, others would notice it later. For this reason—despite the fact that the painting later came back to him unsold and was not mentioned in terms of merit or awards—he decided to pursue an exhibition of his own.
CHAPTER V
The hope of fame—what hours of speculation, what pulses of enthusiasm, what fevers of effort, are based on that peculiarly subtle illusion! It is yet the lure, the ignis fatuus of almost every breathing heart. In the young particularly it burns with the sweetness and perfume of spring fires. Then most of all does there seem substantial reality in the shadow of fame—those deep, beautiful illusions which tremendous figures throw over the world. Attainable, it seems, must be the peace and plenty and sweet content of fame—that glamour of achievement that never was on sea or land. Fame partakes of the beauty and freshness of the morning. It has in it the odour of the rose, the feel of rich satin, the color of the cheeks of youth. If we could but be famous when we dream of fame, and not when locks are tinged with grey, faces seamed with the lines that speak of past struggles, and eyes wearied with the tensity, the longings and the despairs of years! To bestride the world in the morning of life, to walk amid the plaudits and the huzzahs when love and faith are young; to feel youth and the world's affection when youth and health are sweet—what dream is that, of pure sunlight and moonlight compounded. A sun-kissed breath of mist in the sky; the reflection of moonlight upon water; the remembrance of dreams to the waking mind—of such is fame in our youth, and never afterward.
The desire for fame—how many hours of daydreaming, how much excitement, how many intense efforts are fueled by that uniquely subtle illusion! It’s still the pull, the will-o'-the-wisp for almost every living person. Especially in youth, it radiates with the sweetness and fragrance of spring fires. That’s when the shadow of fame feels the most real—those deep, enchanting illusions that monumental figures cast over the world. It seems that the peace, abundance, and contentment of fame are within reach—that charm of achievement that has never existed anywhere. Fame embodies the beauty and freshness of morning. It carries the scent of roses, the touch of rich satin, and the blush of youthful cheeks. If only we could be famous when we dream of fame, and not when our hair is tinged with gray, our faces lined with marks of past struggles, and our eyes weary from the intensity, the longings, and the disappointments of years! To stride across the world in the prime of life, to walk amid applause and cheers when love and belief are fresh; to bask in youth and the world's affection when youth and health are at their peak—what a dream that is, a mix of pure sunlight and moonlight. A sunlit breath of mist in the sky; the reflection of moonlight on water; the memories of dreams in the waking mind—this is what fame feels like in our youth, and never again.
By such an illusion was Eugene's mind possessed. He had no conception of what life would bring him for his efforts. He thought if he could have his pictures hung in a Fifth Avenue gallery much as he had seen Bouguereau's "Venus" in Chicago, with people coming as he had come on that occasion—it would be of great comfort and satisfaction to him. If he could paint something which would be purchased by the Metropolitan Museum in New York he would then be somewhat of a classic figure, ranking with Corot and Daubigny and Rousseau of the French or with Turner and Watts and Millais of the English, the leading artistic figures of his pantheon. These men seemed to have something which he did not have, he thought, a greater breadth of technique, a finer comprehension of color and character, a feeling for the subtleties at the back of life which somehow showed through what they did. Larger experience, larger vision, larger feeling—these things seemed to be imminent [Pg 224] in the great pictures exhibited here, and it made him a little uncertain of himself. Only the criticism in the Evening Sun fortified him against all thought of failure. He was an artist.
Eugene's mind was consumed by this illusion. He had no idea what life had in store for him because of his efforts. He believed that if he could have his paintings displayed in a Fifth Avenue gallery, similar to when he saw Bouguereau's "Venus" in Chicago—with people coming to see it just like he had back then—it would bring him great comfort and satisfaction. If he could create a piece that the Metropolitan Museum in New York would buy, he would then be seen as a notable figure, alongside the likes of Corot, Daubigny, and Rousseau from France, or Turner, Watts, and Millais from England, who were the leading artists in his mind. He felt these men had something he lacked: a broader technique, a better understanding of color and character, and a sensitivity to the subtleties of life that somehow shone through their work. Greater experience, broader vision, deeper feelings—these qualities seemed to radiate from the outstanding paintings displayed here, leaving him slightly unsure of himself. Only the review in the Evening Sun gave him confidence against any thoughts of failure. He was an artist.
He gathered up the various oils he had done—there were some twenty-six all told now, scenes of the rivers, the streets, the night life, and so forth—and went over them carefully, touching up details which in the beginning he had merely sketched or indicated, adding to the force of a spot of color here, modifying a tone or shade there, and finally, after much brooding over the possible result, set forth to find a gallery which would give them place and commercial approval.
He collected the different oils he had painted—there were about twenty-six in total now, depicting rivers, streets, nightlife, and more—and reviewed them closely, refining details that he had initially just sketched or suggested, intensifying a splash of color here, adjusting a tone or shade there, and finally, after a lot of contemplating the potential outcome, set out to find a gallery that would showcase them and give them commercial validation.
Eugene's feeling was that they were a little raw and sketchy—that they might not have sufficient human appeal, seeing that they dealt with factory architecture at times, scows, tugs, engines, the elevated roads in raw reds, yellows and blacks; but MacHugh, Dula, Smite, Miss Finch, Christina, the Evening Sun, Norma Whitmore, all had praised them, or some of them. Was not the world much more interested in the form and spirit of classic beauty such as that represented by Sir John Millais? Would it not prefer Rossetti's "Blessed Damozel" to any street scene ever painted? He could never be sure. In the very hour of his triumph when the Sun had just praised his picture, there lurked the spectre of possible intrinsic weakness. Did the world wish this sort of thing? Would it ever buy of him? Was he of any real value?
Eugene felt that his work was a bit rough and unfinished—that it might not have enough human appeal, since it featured factory buildings sometimes, along with scows, tugs, engines, and elevated roads in stark reds, yellows, and blacks. However, MacHugh, Dula, Smite, Miss Finch, Christina, the Evening Sun, and Norma Whitmore had all praised them, or at least some of them. Didn't the world care more about the form and spirit of classic beauty like that of Sir John Millais? Would it prefer Rossetti's "Blessed Damozel" over any street scene ever painted? He could never be certain. Even in his moment of triumph, when the Sun had just praised his painting, the possibility of inherent weakness lingered. Did the world even want this type of work? Would it ever buy from him? Did he have any real value?
"No, artist heart!" one might have answered, "of no more value than any other worker of existence and no less. The sunlight on the corn, the color of dawn in the maid's cheek, the moonlight on the water—these are of value and of no value according to the soul to whom is the appeal. Fear not. Of dreams and the beauty of dreams is the world compounded."
"No, artist heart!" one might have replied, "it’s no more valuable than any other person’s work in life, and no less. The sunlight on the corn, the blush of dawn on the maid's cheek, the moonlight on the water—these have value and no value, depending on the soul that feels their appeal. Don't worry. The world is made up of dreams and the beauty of dreams."
Kellner and Son, purveyors of artistic treasures by both past and present masters, with offices in Fifth Avenue near Twenty-eighth Street, was the one truly significant firm of art-dealers in the city. The pictures in the windows of Kellner and Son, the exhibitions in their very exclusive show rooms, the general approval which their discriminating taste evoked, had attracted the attention of artists and the lay public for fully thirty years. Eugene had followed their shows with interest ever since he had been in New York. He had seen, every now and then, a most astonishing picture of one school or another displayed in their imposing shop window, and had heard artists comment from time to time on other things there with considerable enthusiasm. The first important picture of the [Pg 225] impressionistic school—a heavy spring rain in a grove of silver poplars by Winthrop—had been shown in the window of this firm, fascinating Eugene with its technique. He had encountered here collections of Aubrey Beardsley's decadent drawings, of Helleu's silverpoints, of Rodin's astonishing sculptures and Thaulow's solid Scandinavian eclecticism. This house appeared to have capable artistic connections all over the world, for the latest art force in Italy, Spain, Switzerland, or Sweden, was quite as likely to find its timely expression here as the more accredited work of England, Germany or France. Kellner and Son were art connoisseurs in the best sense of the word, and although the German founder of the house had died many years before, its management and taste had never deteriorated.
Kellner and Son, sellers of artistic treasures from both past and present masters, located on Fifth Avenue near Twenty-eighth Street, was the only truly significant art dealership in the city. The artworks displayed in the Kellner and Son windows, the exhibitions in their very exclusive showrooms, and the general approval their refined taste garnered had captured the attention of artists and the general public for a full thirty years. Eugene had followed their exhibitions with interest ever since he had arrived in New York. He had occasionally seen some stunning artwork from various schools featured in their impressive shop window and had heard artists enthusiastically discuss other pieces there from time to time. The first major piece from the impressionistic school—a heavy spring rain in a grove of silver poplars by Winthrop—was showcased in this firm’s window, captivating Eugene with its technique. He had encountered collections of Aubrey Beardsley’s decadent drawings, Helleu’s silverpoints, Rodin’s amazing sculptures, and Thaulow’s solid Scandinavian eclecticism here. This establishment seemed to have strong artistic connections around the globe, as the latest art movements from Italy, Spain, Switzerland, or Sweden were just as likely to find their expression here as the more established works from England, Germany, or France. Kellner and Son were true art connoisseurs, and even though the German founder of the company had passed away many years ago, its management and taste had never declined.
Eugene did not know at this time how very difficult it was to obtain an exhibition under Kellner's auspices, they being over-crowded with offers of art material and appeals for display from celebrated artists who were quite willing and able to pay for the space and time they occupied. A fixed charge was made, never deviated from except in rare instances where the talent of the artist, his poverty, and the advisability of the exhibition were extreme. Two hundred dollars was considered little enough for the use of one of their show rooms for ten days.
Eugene didn’t realize at this point just how challenging it was to secure an exhibition with Kellner, as they were overwhelmed with requests for art space from well-known artists who were more than willing and able to pay for the room and time they used. There was a set fee that was rarely changed, except in rare cases where the artist's talent, financial situation, and the practicality of the exhibition were exceptional. Two hundred dollars was seen as a reasonable fee for using one of their showrooms for ten days.
Eugene had no such sum to spare, but one day in January, without any real knowledge as to what the conditions were, he carried four of the reproductions which had been made from time to time in Truth to the office of Mr. Kellner, certain that he had something to show. Miss Whitmore had indicated to him that Eberhard Zang wanted him to come and see him, but he thought if he was going anywhere he would prefer to go to Kellner and Son. He wanted to explain to Mr. Kellner, if there were such a person, that he had many more paintings which he considered even better—more expressive of his growing understanding of American life and of himself and his technique. He went in timidly, albeit with quite an air, for this adventure disturbed him much.
Eugene didn’t have that kind of money to spare, but one day in January, without really knowing what the situation was, he took four of the reproductions that had been made over time in Truth to Mr. Kellner's office, convinced he had something worth showing. Miss Whitmore had mentioned that Eberhard Zang wanted to meet with him, but he thought he’d rather go to Kellner and Son. He wanted to explain to Mr. Kellner, if he existed, that he had many more paintings he believed were even better—more reflective of his increasing understanding of American life, himself, and his technique. He entered the office hesitantly, but with a certain sense of confidence, as this venture made him quite anxious.
The American manager of Kellner and Son, M. Anatole Charles, was a Frenchman by birth and training, familiar with the spirit and history of French art, and with the drift and tendency of art in various other sections of the world. He had been sent here by the home office in Berlin not only because of his very thorough training in English art ways, and because of his ability to select that type of picture which would attract attention and bring credit and prosperity to the house here and abroad; but also because of his ability to make friends among [Pg 226] the rich and powerful wherever he was, and to sell one type of important picture after another—having some knack or magnetic capacity for attracting to him those who cared for good art and were willing to pay for it. His specialties, of course, were the canvases of the eminently successful artists in various parts of the world—the living successful. He knew by experience what sold—here, in France, in England, in Germany. He was convinced that there was practically nothing of value in American art as yet—certainly not from the commercial point of view, and very little from the artistic. Beyond a few canvases by Inness, Homer, Sargent, Abbey, Whistler, men who were more foreign, or rather universal, than American in their attitude, he considered that the American art spirit was as yet young and raw and crude. "They do not seem to be grown up as yet over here," he said to his intimate friends. "They paint little things in a forceful way, but they do not seem as yet to see things as a whole. I miss that sense of the universe in miniature which we find in the canvases of so many of the great Europeans. They are better illustrators than artists over here—why I don't know."
The American manager of Kellner and Son, M. Anatole Charles, was originally from France and had been trained there. He understood the spirit and history of French art, as well as the trends and influences of art from other parts of the world. He had been sent to this location by the home office in Berlin not only because of his comprehensive understanding of English art styles and his talent for selecting artwork that would draw attention and bring success to the gallery both locally and internationally, but also because of his skill in making connections with wealthy and influential people wherever he went, enabling him to sell one important piece after another. He had a certain charm or magnetism that attracted art lovers who were willing to invest in quality pieces. His areas of expertise were, of course, the works of the most successful contemporary artists from various places around the globe. He knew from experience what sold well—in the U.S., France, England, and Germany. He believed there was essentially no significant value in American art yet—definitely not from a commercial perspective, and very little from an artistic one. Except for a few pieces by Inness, Homer, Sargent, Abbey, and Whistler—artists who were more cosmopolitan than strictly American—he thought that the American art scene was still immature, raw, and unrefined. "They don't seem to have matured yet over here," he remarked to his close friends. "They create small pieces with a lot of energy, but they don't yet grasp the bigger picture. I miss that sense of the universe in miniature that we see in the works of many great European artists. They are better at illustrations than at being true artists over here—though I can't say why."
M. Anatole Charles spoke English almost more than perfectly. He was an example of your true man of the world—polished, dignified, immaculately dressed, conservative in thought and of few words in expression. Critics and art enthusiasts were constantly running to him with this and that suggestion in regard to this and that artist, but he only lifted his sophisticated eyebrows, curled his superior mustachios, pulled at his highly artistic goatee, and exclaimed: "Ah!" or "So?" He asserted always that he was most anxious to find talent—profitable talent—though on occasion (and he would demonstrate that by an outward wave of his hands and a shrug of his shoulders), the house of Kellner and Son was not averse to doing what it could for art—and that for art's sake without any thought of profit whatsoever. "Where are your artists?" he would ask. "I look and look. Whistler, Abbey, Inness, Sargent—ah—they are old, where are the new ones?"
M. Anatole Charles spoke English almost perfectly. He was a true man of the world—polished, dignified, impeccably dressed, conservative in thought, and concise in speech. Critics and art lovers were always approaching him with various suggestions about different artists, but he simply raised his sophisticated eyebrows, curled his superior mustache, tugged at his highly artistic goatee, and responded with, "Ah!" or "So?" He always claimed to be eager to discover talent—profitable talent—even though sometimes (and he would illustrate this with a wave of his hands and a shrug of his shoulders), the house of Kellner and Son was willing to support art—and that for art's sake without any consideration for profit. "Where are your artists?" he would ask. "I look and look. Whistler, Abbey, Inness, Sargent—ah—they're old; where are the new ones?"
"Well, this one"—the critic would probably persist.
"Well, this one"—the critic would likely continue.
"Well, well, I go. I shall look. But I have little hope—very, very little hope."
"Alright, I'm off. I'll take a look. But I have very little hope—barely any hope at all."
He was constantly appearing under such pressure, at this studio and that—examining, criticising. Alas, he selected the work of but few artists for purposes of public exhibition and usually charged them well for it.
He was always showing up under so much pressure, at this studio and that—looking over, critiquing. Unfortunately, he chose the work of only a few artists for public exhibitions and usually charged them a lot for it.
It was this man, polished, artistically superb in his way, whom [Pg 227] Eugene was destined to meet this morning. When he entered the sumptuously furnished office of M. Charles the latter arose. He was seated at a little rosewood desk lighted by a lamp with green silk shade. One glance told him that Eugene was an artist—very likely of ability, more than likely of a sensitive, high-strung nature. He had long since learned that politeness and savoir faire cost nothing. It was the first essential so far as the good will of an artist was concerned. Eugene's card and message brought by a uniformed attendant had indicated the nature of his business. As he approached, M. Charles' raised eyebrows indicated that he would be very pleased to know what he could do for Mr. Witla.
It was this man, refined and artistically gifted in his own way, whom [Pg 227] Eugene was meant to meet that morning. When he walked into the elegantly furnished office of M. Charles, the latter stood up. He was sitting at a small rosewood desk lit by a lamp with a green silk shade. A quick look confirmed that Eugene was an artist—likely talented, and probably with a sensitive, high-strung personality. He had long understood that being polite and having social grace cost nothing. It was the first essential for winning an artist's goodwill. Eugene's card and message, brought by an attendant in uniform, explained the nature of his visit. As Eugene approached, M. Charles raised his eyebrows, showing that he would be very pleased to find out how he could assist Mr. Witla.
"I should like to show you several reproductions of pictures of mine," began Eugene in his most courageous manner. "I have been working on a number with a view to making a show and I thought that possibly you might be interested in looking at them with a view to displaying them for me. I have twenty-six all told and—"
"I’d like to show you some reproductions of my artwork," Eugene began confidently. "I’ve been working on several pieces for a potential exhibition, and I thought you might be interested in checking them out to display them for me. I have a total of twenty-six, and—"
"Ah! that is a difficult thing to suggest," replied M. Charles cautiously. "We have a great many exhibitions scheduled now—enough to carry us through two years if we considered nothing more. Obligations to artists with whom we have dealt in the past take up a great deal of our time. Contracts, which our Berlin and Paris branches enter into, sometimes crowd out our local shows entirely. Of course, we are always anxious to make interesting exhibitions if opportunity should permit. You know our charges?"
"Ah! That's a tough thing to suggest," replied M. Charles cautiously. "We have a lot of exhibitions lined up right now—enough to last us two years if we don’t take anything else into account. Our commitments to artists we've worked with before take up a lot of our time. Contracts that our Berlin and Paris branches sign sometimes completely push out our local shows. Of course, we’re always eager to create interesting exhibitions if the opportunity arises. You know our rates?"
"No," said Eugene, surprised that there should be any.
"No," said Eugene, surprised that there was any at all.
"Two hundred dollars for two weeks. We do not take exhibitions for less than that time."
"Two hundred dollars for two weeks. We don’t accept exhibitions for less than that duration."
Eugene's countenance fell. He had expected quite a different reception. Nevertheless, since he had brought them, he untied the tape of the portfolio in which the prints were laid.
Eugene's expression dropped. He had anticipated a much warmer welcome. Still, since he had brought them, he unfastened the tape of the portfolio containing the prints.
M. Charles looked at them curiously. He was much impressed with the picture of the East Side Crowd at first, but looking at one of Fifth Avenue in a snow storm, the battered, shabby bus pulled by a team of lean, unkempt, bony horses, he paused, struck by its force. He liked the delineation of swirling, wind-driven snow. The emptiness of this thoroughfare, usually so crowded, the buttoned, huddled, hunched, withdrawn look of those who traveled it, the exceptional details of piles of snow sifted on to window sills and ledges and into doorways and on to the windows of the bus itself, attracted his attention.
M. Charles looked at them with curiosity. He was initially really impressed by the picture of the East Side Crowd, but when he saw one of Fifth Avenue during a snowstorm, featuring a battered, shabby bus pulled by a team of lean, scruffy, bony horses, he stopped, struck by its impact. He appreciated the depiction of swirling, wind-driven snow. The emptiness of this usually crowded street, the buttoned-up, huddled, hunched, withdrawn appearance of those traveling on it, and the unusual details of snow piled on window sills, ledges, doorways, and even on the bus windows caught his eye.
"An effective detail," he said to Eugene, as one critic might [Pg 228] say to another, pointing to a line of white snow on the window of one side of the bus. Another dash of snow on a man's hat rim took his eye also. "I can feel the wind," he added.
"That's a great detail," he said to Eugene, like one critic might [Pg 228] say to another, pointing to a line of white snow on the window on one side of the bus. He also noticed another bit of snow on a man's hat brim. "I can feel the wind," he added.
Eugene smiled.
Eugene grinned.
M. Charles passed on in silence to the steaming tug coming up the East River in the dark hauling two great freight barges. He was saying to himself that after all Eugene's art was that of merely seizing upon the obviously dramatic. It wasn't so much the art of color composition and life analysis as it was stage craft. The man before him had the ability to see the dramatic side of life. Still—
M. Charles quietly moved to the steaming tugboat coming up the East River in the dark, pulling two large freight barges. He thought to himself that, after all, Eugene's art was just about capturing what was obviously dramatic. It wasn't really about color composition and analyzing life; it was more about theatrical skills. The man in front of him had the talent to see the dramatic aspects of life. Still—
He turned to the last reproduction which was that of Greeley Square in a drizzling rain. Eugene by some mystery of his art had caught the exact texture of seeping water on gray stones in the glare of various electric lights. He had caught the values of various kinds of lights, those in cabs, those in cable cars, those in shop windows, those in the street lamp—relieving by them the black shadows of the crowds and of the sky. The color work here was unmistakably good.
He turned to the final reproduction, which was of Greeley Square in a light rain. Eugene, through some artistic mystery, had captured the precise texture of water seeping on gray stones in the glow of different electric lights. He had managed to portray the qualities of various lights: those in cabs, cable cars, shop windows, and street lamps—offsetting the dark shadows of the crowds and the sky. The color work here was clearly outstanding.
"How large are the originals of these?" he asked thoughtfully.
"How big are the originals of these?" he asked, thinking.
"Nearly all of them thirty by forty."
"Almost all of them thirty by forty."
Eugene could not tell by his manner whether he were merely curious or interested.
Eugene couldn't tell by his behavior whether he was just curious or actually interested.
"All of them done in oil, I fancy."
"All of them done in oil, I bet."
"Yes, all."
"Yes, everything."
"They are not bad, I must say," he observed cautiously. "A little persistently dramatic but—"
"They're not bad, I have to admit," he remarked cautiously. "A bit overly dramatic, but—"
"These reproductions—" began Eugene, hoping by criticising the press work to interest him in the superior quality of the originals.
"These reproductions—" started Eugene, hoping that by criticizing the print quality, he could get him interested in the better quality of the originals.
"Yes, I see," M. Charles interrupted, knowing full well what was coming. "They are very bad. Still they show well enough what the originals are like. Where is your studio?"
"Yeah, I get it," M. Charles interrupted, fully aware of what was about to happen. "They’re really bad. Still, they give a good idea of what the originals are like. Where's your studio?"
"61 Washington Square."
"61 Washington Square."
"As I say," went on M. Charles, noting the address on Eugene's card, "the opportunity for exhibition purposes is very limited and our charge is rather high. We have so many things we would like to exhibit—so many things we must exhibit. It is hard to say when the situation would permit—If you are interested I might come and see them sometime."
"As I mentioned," M. Charles continued, looking at the address on Eugene's card, "the opportunities for exhibitions are pretty limited and our fees are quite high. There are so many items we'd love to showcase—so many we need to showcase. It's tough to predict when the situation will allow for that—If you're interested, I could come and check them out sometime."
Eugene looked perturbed. Two hundred dollars! Two hundred dollars! Could he afford it? It would mean so much to him. And yet the man was not at all anxious to rent him the show room even at this price.
Eugene looked worried. Two hundred dollars! Two hundred dollars! Could he afford it? It would mean so much to him. And yet the man wasn’t at all eager to rent him the showroom even at this price.
[Pg 229] "I will come," said M. Charles, seeing his mood, "if you wish. That is what you want me to do. We have to be careful of what we exhibit here. It isn't as if it were an ordinary show room. I will drop you a card some day when occasion offers, if you wish, and you can let me know whether the time I suggest is all right. I am rather anxious to see these scenes of yours. They are very good of their kind. It may be—one never can tell—an opportunity might offer—a week or ten days, somewhere in between other things."
[Pg 229] "I'll come," said M. Charles, noticing his mood, "if that’s what you want. We need to be careful about what we show here. It's not just an ordinary showroom. I’ll send you a card sometime when the chance comes up, if you’d like, and you can let me know if the time I suggest works for you. I'm really looking forward to seeing your scenes. They're quite impressive in their own way. It could be—one never knows—an opportunity might come up—a week or ten days, sometime between other things."
Eugene sighed inwardly. So this was how these things were done. It wasn't very flattering. Still, he must have an exhibition. He could afford two hundred if he had to. An exhibition elsewhere would not be so valuable. He had expected to make a better impression than this.
Eugene sighed to himself. So this is how things worked. It wasn’t very flattering. Still, he needed to have an exhibition. He could manage two hundred if he really had to. An exhibition somewhere else wouldn’t be as valuable. He had hoped to make a better impression than this.
"I wish you would come," he said at last meditatively. "I think I should like the space if I can get it. I would like to know what you think."
"I wish you would come," he said finally, thinking it over. "I believe I’d enjoy the space if I can get it. I’d like to know your thoughts."
M. Charles raised his eyebrows.
M. Charles lifted his eyebrows.
"Very well," he said, "I will communicate with you."
"Okay," he said, "I'll get in touch with you."
Eugene went out.
Eugene went outside.
What a poor thing this exhibiting business was, he thought. Here he had been dreaming of an exhibition at Kellners which should be brought about without charge to him because they were tremendously impressed with his work. Now they did not even want his pictures—would charge him two hundred dollars to show them. It was a great come down—very discouraging.
What a sad situation this exhibition business was, he thought. He had been hoping for an exhibition at Kellners that would be arranged at no cost to him because they were really impressed with his work. Now, they didn’t even want his pictures—would charge him two hundred dollars to display them. It was a big letdown—very discouraging.
Still he went home thinking it would do him some good. The critics would discuss his work just as they did that of other artists. They would have to see what he could do should it be that at last this thing which he had dreamed of and so deliberately planned had come true. He had thought of an exhibition at Kellner's as the last joyous thing to be attained in the world of rising art and now it looked as though he was near it. It might actually be coming to pass. This man wanted to see the rest of his work. He was not opposed to looking at them. What a triumph even that was!
Still, he went home thinking it would be good for him. The critics would talk about his work just like they did with other artists. They would have to see what he could do if, at last, this thing he had dreamed of and planned so carefully had finally happened. He had envisioned an exhibition at Kellner's as the ultimate joyful achievement in the world of emerging art, and now it seemed like he was close to making it a reality. It might actually be coming true. This man wanted to see the rest of his work. He was open to looking at them. What a triumph that was!
CHAPTER VI
It was some little time before M. Charles condescended to write saying that if it was agreeable he would call Wednesday morning, January 16th, at 10 A. M., but the letter finally did come and this dispelled all his intermediary doubts and fears. At last he was to have a hearing! This man might see something in his work, possibly take a fancy to it. Who could tell? He showed the letter to Angela with an easy air as though it were quite a matter of course, but he felt intensely hopeful.
It took a little while before M. Charles decided to write and say that if it was okay with him, he would come by on Wednesday morning, January 16th, at 10 A.M. The letter finally arrived, and it cleared up all his doubts and fears. Finally, he was going to get a chance to be heard! This man might see something appealing in his work, maybe even like it. Who knows? He showed the letter to Angela casually, as if it were no big deal, but inside, he felt extremely hopeful.
Angela put the studio in perfect order for she knew what this visit meant to Eugene, and in her eager, faithful way was anxious to help him as much as possible. She bought flowers from the Italian florist at the corner and put them in vases here and there. She swept and dusted, dressed herself immaculately in her most becoming house dress and waited with nerves at high tension for the fateful ring of the door bell. Eugene pretended to work at one of his pictures which he had done long before—the raw jangling wall of an East Side street with its swarms of children, its shabby push-carts, its mass of eager, shuffling, pushing mortals, the sense of rugged ground life running all through it, but he had no heart for the work. He was asking himself over and over what M. Charles would think. Thank heaven this studio looked so charming! Thank heaven Angela was so dainty in her pale green gown with a single red coral pin at her throat. He walked to the window and stared out at Washington Square, with its bare, wind-shaken branches of trees, its snow, its ant-like pedestrians hurrying here and there. If he were only rich—how peacefully he would paint! M. Charles could go to the devil.
Angela got the studio ready because she knew how important this visit was for Eugene, and she was eager to help him as much as she could. She bought flowers from the Italian florist on the corner and arranged them in vases around the place. She swept and dusted, dressed herself perfectly in her most flattering house dress, and waited nervously for the fateful ring of the doorbell. Eugene pretended to work on one of his earlier paintings—the chaotic, noisy street of the East Side filled with children, shabby pushcarts, and the busy lives of people bustling about, capturing the essence of everyday life, but he wasn't focused on it. He kept wondering what M. Charles would think. Thank goodness the studio looked so lovely! Thank goodness Angela looked so charming in her pale green gown with a single red coral pin at her throat. He walked to the window and gazed out at Washington Square, with its bare, wind-blown tree branches, its snow, and its hurried pedestrians moving around like ants. If only he were rich—how peacefully he could paint! M. Charles could go to hell.
The door bell rang.
The doorbell rang.
Angela clicked a button and up came M. Charles quietly. They could hear his steps in the hall. He knocked and Eugene answered, decidedly nervous in his mind, but outwardly calm and dignified. M. Charles entered, clad in a fur-lined overcoat, fur cap and yellow chamois gloves.
Angela clicked a button, and M. Charles appeared quietly. They could hear his footsteps in the hallway. He knocked, and Eugene answered, feeling quite nervous inside but managing to stay calm and composed on the outside. M. Charles walked in, dressed in a fur-lined overcoat, a fur hat, and yellow chamois gloves.
"Ah, good morning!" said M. Charles in greeting. "A fine bracing day, isn't it? What a charming view you have here. Mrs. Witla! I'm delighted to meet you. I am a little [Pg 231] late but I was unavoidably detained. One of our German associates is in the city."
"Ah, good morning!" M. Charles said in greeting. "It's a beautiful, crisp day, isn't it? What a lovely view you have here. Mrs. Witla! It's great to meet you. I'm a bit late, but I couldn't help it. One of our German associates is in town."
He divested himself of his great coat and rubbed his hands before the fire. He tried, now that he had unbent so far, to be genial and considerate. If he and Eugene were to do any business in the future it must be so. Besides the picture on the easel before him, near the window, which for the time being he pretended not to see, was an astonishingly virile thing. Of whose work did it remind him—anybody's? He confessed to himself as he stirred around among his numerous art memories that he recalled nothing exactly like it. Raw reds, raw greens, dirty grey paving stones—such faces! Why this thing fairly shouted its facts. It seemed to say: "I'm dirty, I am commonplace, I am grim, I am shabby, but I am life." And there was no apologizing for anything in it, no glossing anything over. Bang! Smash! Crack! came the facts one after another, with a bitter, brutal insistence on their so-ness. Why, on moody days when he had felt sour and depressed he had seen somewhere a street that looked like this, and there it was—dirty, sad, slovenly, immoral, drunken—anything, everything, but here it was. "Thank God for a realist," he said to himself as he looked, for he knew life, this cold connoisseur; but he made no sign. He looked at the tall, slim frame of Eugene, his cheeks slightly sunken, his eyes bright—an artist every inch of him, and then at Angela, small, eager, a sweet, loving, little woman, and he was glad that he was going to be able to say that he would exhibit these things.
He took off his great coat and rubbed his hands in front of the fire. He tried, now that he had relaxed a bit, to be friendly and considerate. If he and Eugene were going to do any business together in the future, it had to be this way. Besides the painting on the easel in front of him, near the window, which he pretended not to notice for now, was an incredibly masculine piece. Whose work did it remind him of—anyone's? He admitted to himself as he sifted through his many art memories that he couldn't recall anything exactly like it. Bold reds, intense greens, dirty gray pavement—such faces! This piece practically shouted its reality. It seemed to say: "I'm dirty, I'm ordinary, I'm grim, I'm shabby, but I am life." And there was no making excuses for anything in it, no glossing anything over. Bang! Smash! Crack! came the realities one after another, with a harsh, brutal insistence on being what they were. On moody days when he'd felt bitter and down, he had seen a street that looked like this, and here it was—dirty, sad, disheveled, immoral, drunk—anything, everything, but here it was. "Thank God for a realist," he thought as he looked, for he knew life, this cold judge; but he gave no sign. He glanced at Eugene's tall, slim figure, his cheeks slightly hollow, his eyes bright—an artist in every way—and then at Angela, small, eager, a sweet, loving woman, and he felt glad that he would be able to say that he was going to exhibit these works.
"Well," he said, pretending to look at the picture on the easel for the first time, "we might as well begin to look at these things. I see you have one here. Very good, I think, quite forceful. What others have you?"
"Well," he said, pretending to examine the picture on the easel for the first time, "we might as well start looking at these. I see you have one here. Very nice, I think, quite striking. What else do you have?"
Eugene was afraid this one hadn't appealed to him as much as he hoped it would, and set it aside quickly, picking up the second in the stock which stood against the wall, covered by a green curtain. It was the three engines entering the great freight yard abreast, the smoke of the engines towering straight up like tall whitish-grey plumes, in the damp, cold air, the sky lowering with blackish-grey clouds, the red and yellow and blue cars standing out in the sodden darkness because of the water. You could feel the cold, wet drizzle, the soppy tracks, the weariness of "throwing switches." There was a lone brakeman in the foreground, "throwing" a red brake signal. He was quite black and evidently wet.
Eugene was worried that this one didn’t grab him as much as he had hoped, so he quickly set it aside and picked up the second one from the stock that stood against the wall, covered by a green curtain. It depicted three engines entering the large freight yard side by side, with smoke from the engines rising straight up like tall, pale plumes in the damp, cold air. The sky was heavy with dark grey clouds, and the red, yellow, and blue cars stood out in the soggy darkness because of the moisture. You could feel the cold, wet drizzle, the muddy tracks, and the fatigue of “throwing switches.” There was one lone brakeman in the foreground, “throwing” a red brake signal. He was completely soaked and clearly wet.
"A symphony in grey," said M. Charles succinctly.
"A symphony in grey," M. Charles said simply.
[Pg 232] They came swiftly after this, without much comment from either, Eugene putting one canvas after another before him, leaving it for a few moments and replacing it with another. His estimate of his own work did not rise very rapidly, for M. Charles was persistently distant, but the latter could not help voicing approval of "After The Theatre," a painting full of the wonder and bustle of a night crowd under sputtering electric lamps. He saw that Eugene had covered almost every phase of what might be called the dramatic spectacle in the public life of the city and much that did not appear dramatic until he touched it—the empty canyon of Broadway at three o'clock in the morning; a long line of giant milk wagons, swinging curious lanterns, coming up from the docks at four o'clock in the morning; a plunging parade of fire vehicles, the engines steaming smoke, the people running or staring open-mouthed; a crowd of polite society figures emerging from the opera; the bread line; an Italian boy throwing pigeons in the air from a basket on his arm in a crowded lower West-side street. Everything he touched seemed to have romance and beauty, and yet it was real and mostly grim and shabby.
[Pg 232] They arrived quickly after this, barely saying anything, as Eugene placed one canvas after another in front of him, leaving it for a moment before replacing it with another. His opinion of his own work didn’t improve much, since M. Charles remained consistently distant, but he couldn’t help but express his approval of "After The Theatre," a painting full of the excitement and energy of a night crowd illuminated by flickering electric lights. He noticed that Eugene had captured almost every aspect of what could be called the dramatic scene in the city’s public life, as well as much that didn’t seem dramatic until he depicted it—the empty stretch of Broadway at three in the morning; a long line of huge milk trucks with odd lanterns coming up from the docks at four in the morning; a chaotic parade of fire vehicles, engines billowing smoke, with people either running or staring in amazement; a group of high-society figures leaving the opera; the bread line; an Italian boy throwing pigeons into the air from a basket on his arm in a crowded street on the lower West side. Everything he portrayed seemed to have romance and beauty, yet it was grounded in reality and mostly dark and worn.
"I congratulate you, Mr. Witla," finally exclaimed M. Charles, moved by the ability of the man and feeling that caution was no longer necessary. "To me this is wonderful material, much more effective than the reproductions show, dramatic and true. I question whether you will make any money out of it. There is very little sale for American art in this country. It might almost do better in Europe. It ought to sell, but that is another matter. The best things do not always sell readily. It takes time. Still I will do what I can. I will give these pictures a two weeks' display early in April without any charge to you whatever." (Eugene started.) "I will call them to the attention of those who know. I will speak to those who buy. It is an honor, I assure you, to do this. I consider you an artist in every sense of the word—I might say a great artist. You ought, if you preserve yourself sanely and with caution, to go far, very far. I shall be glad to send for these when the time comes."
"I congratulate you, Mr. Witla," M. Charles finally said, feeling impressed by the man's talent and realizing that caution was no longer needed. "To me, this is amazing material, much more impactful than the reproductions suggest, dramatic and authentic. I wonder if you will make any money from it. There's very little demand for American art in this country. It might actually do better in Europe. It should sell, but that's another issue. The best pieces don’t always sell quickly. It takes time. Still, I will do what I can. I'll give these paintings a two-week display in early April at no cost to you." (Eugene was surprised.) "I'll bring them to the attention of those who appreciate art. I'll talk to the buyers. It’s truly an honor to do this, I assure you. I see you as an artist in every sense of the word—I might even say a great artist. If you stay sane and cautious, you should go far, very far. I’ll be happy to arrange for these when the time comes."
Eugene did not know how to reply to this. He did not quite understand the European seriousness of method, its appreciation of genius, which was thus so easily and sincerely expressed in a formal way. M. Charles meant every word he said. This was one of those rare and gratifying moments of his life when he was permitted to extend to waiting and unrecognized genius the assurance of the consideration and approval of the world. [Pg 233] He stood there waiting to hear what Eugene would say, but the latter only flushed under his pale skin.
Eugene didn’t know how to respond to this. He didn’t fully grasp the European seriousness of method, its appreciation for genius, which was so easily and genuinely expressed in a formal way. M. Charles meant every word he said. This was one of those rare and rewarding moments in his life when he got to offer waiting and unrecognized genius the assurance of the world’s consideration and approval. [Pg 233] He stood there waiting to hear what Eugene would say, but Eugene only turned red under his pale skin.
"I'm very glad," he said at last, in his rather commonplace, off-hand, American way. "I thought they were pretty good but I wasn't sure. I'm very grateful to you."
"I'm really glad," he said finally, in his somewhat ordinary, casual American style. "I thought they were pretty good, but I wasn't sure. I'm really grateful to you."
"You need not feel gratitude toward me," returned M. Charles, now modifying his formal manner. "You can congratulate yourself—your art. I am honored, as I tell you. We will make a fine display of them. You have no frames for these? Well, never mind, I will lend you frames."
"You don’t have to feel grateful to me," M. Charles replied, softening his formal tone. "You should be proud of yourself and your art. I truly feel honored. We’re going to showcase them beautifully. You don’t have frames for these? That’s okay, I’ll lend you some."
He smiled and shook Eugene's hand and congratulated Angela. She had listened to this address with astonishment and swelling pride. She had perceived, despite Eugene's manner, the anxiety he was feeling, the intense hopes he was building on the outcome of this meeting. M. Charles' opening manner had deceived her. She had felt that he did not care so much after all, and that Eugene was going to be disappointed. Now, when this burst of approval came, she hardly knew what to make of it. She looked at Eugene and saw that he was intensely moved by not only a sense of relief, but pride and joy. His pale, dark face showed it. To see this load of care taken off him whom she loved so deeply was enough to unsettle Angela. She found herself stirred in a pathetic way and now, when M. Charles turned to her, tears welled to her eyes.
He smiled, shook Eugene's hand, and congratulated Angela. She listened to this speech in shock and growing pride. She had sensed, despite Eugene's demeanor, the anxiety he was feeling and the strong hopes he had for the outcome of this meeting. M. Charles' initial attitude had misled her; she thought he didn't care that much after all and that Eugene would be disappointed. Now, when this wave of approval came, she felt confused. She looked at Eugene and saw he was deeply moved by not just relief but also pride and joy. His pale, dark face showed it. Seeing this burden lifted from the person she loved so much was enough to unsettle Angela. She realized she was feeling emotional, and when M. Charles turned to her, tears filled her eyes.
"Don't cry, Mrs. Witla," he said grandly on seeing this. "You have a right to be proud of your husband. He is a great artist. You should take care of him."
"Don't cry, Mrs. Witla," he said dramatically upon seeing this. "You have every reason to be proud of your husband. He is a talented artist. You should look after him."
"Oh, I'm so happy," half-laughed and half-sobbed Angela, "I can't help it."
"Oh, I'm so happy," Angela said, laughing and crying at the same time, "I can't help it."
She went over to where Eugene was and put her face against his coat. Eugene slipped his arm about her and smiled sympathetically. M. Charles smiled also, proud of the effect of his words. "You both have a right to feel very happy," he said.
She walked over to where Eugene was and pressed her face against his coat. Eugene wrapped his arm around her and smiled understandingly. M. Charles smiled too, pleased with the impact of his words. "You both have every reason to feel really happy," he said.
"Little Angela!" thought Eugene. This was your true wife for you, your good woman. Her husband's success meant all to her. She had no life of her own—nothing outside of him and his good fortune.
"Little Angela!" thought Eugene. She was your true wife, your good woman. Her husband's success meant everything to her. She had no life of her own—nothing beyond him and his good luck.
M. Charles smiled. "Well, I will be going now," he said finally. "I will send for the pictures when the time comes. And meanwhile you two must come with me to dinner. I will let you know."
M. Charles smiled. "Well, I'm going to head out now," he said finally. "I'll send for the pictures when the time is right. And in the meantime, you two have to join me for dinner. I'll keep you posted."
He bowed himself out with many assurances of good will, and then Angela and Eugene looked at each other.
He politely excused himself with plenty of reassurances, and then Angela and Eugene looked at each other.
"Oh, isn't it lovely, Honeybun," she cried, half giggling, [Pg 234] half crying. (She had begun to call him Honeybun the first day they were married.) "My Eugene a great artist. He said it was a great honor! Isn't that lovely? And all the world is going to know it soon, now. Isn't that fine! Oh dear, I'm so proud." And she threw her arms ecstatically about his neck.
"Oh, isn't it wonderful, Honeybun," she exclaimed, half laughing, [Pg 234] half crying. (She started calling him Honeybun on their wedding day.) "My Eugene is a talented artist. He said it's a huge honor! Isn't that great? And soon, everyone will know. Isn't that amazing! Oh my, I’m so proud." And she wrapped her arms joyfully around his neck.
Eugene kissed her affectionately. He was not thinking so much of her though as he was of Kellner and Son—their great exhibit room, the appearance of these twenty-seven or thirty great pictures in gold frames; the spectators who might come to see; the newspaper criticisms; the voices of approval. Now all his artist friends would know that he was considered a great artist; he was to have a chance to associate on equal terms with men like Sargent and Whistler if he ever met them. The world would hear of him widely. His fame might go to the uttermost parts of the earth.
Eugene kissed her affectionately. He wasn’t really thinking about her as much as he was about Kellner and Son—their huge exhibition space, the sight of those twenty-seven or thirty impressive paintings in gold frames; the audience that might come to see them; the newspaper reviews; the voices of praise. Now all his artist friends would know that he was regarded as a great artist; he’d get a chance to mingle on equal footing with people like Sargent and Whistler if he ever met them. The world would hear about him far and wide. His fame could reach the farthest corners of the earth.
He went to the window after a time and looked out. There came back to his mind Alexandria, the printing shop, the Peoples' Furniture Company in Chicago, the Art Students League, the Daily Globe. Surely he had come by devious paths.
He went to the window after a while and looked outside. Memories of Alexandria, the printing shop, the Peoples' Furniture Company in Chicago, the Art Students League, and the Daily Globe flooded back to him. He had definitely traveled a winding road to get here.
"Gee!" he exclaimed at last simply. "Smite and MacHugh'll be glad to hear this. I'll have to go over and tell them."
"Wow!" he finally said simply. "Smite and MacHugh will be happy to hear this. I need to go over and tell them."
CHAPTER VII
The exhibition which followed in April was one of those things which happen to fortunate souls—a complete flowering out before the eyes of the world of its feelings, emotions, perceptions, and understanding. We all have our feelings and emotions, but lack the power of self-expression. It is true, the work and actions of any man are to some degree expressions of character, but this is a different thing. The details of most lives are not held up for public examination at any given time. We do not see succinctly in any given place just what an individual thinks and feels. Even the artist is not always or often given the opportunity of collected public expression under conspicuous artistic auspices. Some are so fortunate—many are not. Eugene realized that fortune was showering its favors upon him.
The exhibition that took place in April was one of those rare experiences that lucky people get—an complete showcase of their feelings, emotions, perceptions, and understanding for the world to see. We all have our feelings and emotions, but we often struggle to express them. It’s true that a person’s work and actions reflect their character to some extent, but that’s different. The details of most people’s lives aren’t exposed for public scrutiny at any one moment. We don’t always clearly see what an individual thinks and feels. Even artists don’t frequently get the chance for collective public expression under prominent artistic circumstances. Some are incredibly fortunate—many are not. Eugene understood that luck was smiling on him.
When the time came, M. Charles was so kind as to send for the pictures and to arrange all the details. He had decided with Eugene that because of the vigor of treatment and the prevailing color scheme black frames would be the best. The principal exhibition room on the ground floor in which these paintings were to be hung was heavily draped in red velvet and against this background the different pictures stood out effectively. Eugene visited the show room at the time the pictures were being hung, with Angela, with Smite and MacHugh, Shotmeyer and others. He had long since notified Norma Whitmore and Miriam Finch, but not the latter until after Wheeler had had time to tell her. This also chagrined her, for she felt in this as she had about his marriage, that he was purposely neglecting her.
When the time came, M. Charles was kind enough to arrange for the pictures and take care of all the details. He had decided with Eugene that, because of the bold treatment and the overall color scheme, black frames would work best. The main exhibition room on the ground floor, where these paintings were to be displayed, was heavily draped in red velvet, creating a striking backdrop for the various pictures. Eugene visited the showroom while the pictures were being hung, accompanied by Angela, Smite, MacHugh, Shotmeyer, and others. He had previously informed Norma Whitmore and Miriam Finch, but he hadn’t told the latter until after Wheeler had a chance to let her know. This upset her as well, since, similar to how she felt about his marriage, she believed he was intentionally ignoring her.
The dream finally materialized—a room eighteen by forty, hung with dark red velvet, irradiated with a soft, illuminating glow from hidden lamps in which Eugene's pictures stood forth in all their rawness and reality—almost as vigorous as life itself. To some people, those who do not see life clearly and directly, but only through other people's eyes, they seemed more so.
The dream finally came to life—a room eighteen by forty, draped in dark red velvet, bathed in a soft, warm light from hidden lamps where Eugene's paintings stood out in all their rawness and authenticity—almost as vibrant as life itself. To some people, those who don’t perceive life clearly and directly but only through the lenses of others, they seemed even more so.
For this reason Eugene's exhibition of pictures was an astonishing thing to most of those who saw it. It concerned phases of life which in the main they had but casually glanced at, things which because they were commonplace and customary were [Pg 236] supposedly beyond the pale of artistic significance. One picture in particular, a great hulking, ungainly negro, a positively animal man, his ears thick and projecting, his lips fat, his nose flat, his cheek bones prominent, his whole body expressing brute strength and animal indifference to dirt and cold, illustrated this point particularly. He was standing in a cheap, commonplace East Side street. The time evidently was a January or February morning. His business was driving an ash cart, and his occupation at the moment illustrated by the picture was that of lifting a great can of mixed ashes, paper and garbage to the edge of the ungainly iron wagon. His hands were immense and were covered with great red patched woolen and leather gloves—dirty, bulbous, inconvenient, one would have said. His head and ears were swaddled about by a red flannel shawl or strip of cloth which was knotted under his pugnacious chin, and his forehead, shawl and all, surmounted by a brown canvas cap with his badge and number as a garbage driver on it. About his waist was tied a great piece of rough coffee sacking and his arms and legs looked as though he might have on two or three pairs of trousers and as many vests. He was looking purblindly down the shabby street, its hard crisp snow littered with tin cans, paper, bits of slop and offal. Dust—gray ash dust, was flying from his upturned can. In the distance behind him was a milk wagon, a few pedestrians, a little thinly clad girl coming out of a delicatessen store. Over head were dull small-paned windows, some shutters with a few of their slats broken out, a frowsy headed man looking out evidently to see whether the day was cold.
For this reason, Eugene's art show was astonishing to most of the people who saw it. It focused on aspects of life that they had mostly only glanced at—things that, because they were ordinary and typical, were considered to be outside the realm of artistic significance. One painting in particular, featuring a massive, awkward Black man, almost animalistic in appearance—with thick, protruding ears, full lips, a flat nose, prominent cheekbones—captured this idea well. He was standing in a regular, shabby East Side street. The scene was clearly set on a January or February morning. His job was to drive an ash cart, and the moment depicted in the painting showed him lifting a large can full of mixed ashes, paper, and garbage to the edge of the cumbersome iron wagon. His hands were huge and covered with thick, red-patched woolen and leather gloves—dirty, bulky, and clumsy, one might say. His head and ears were wrapped in a red flannel shawl or strip of cloth that was tied under his tough chin, and on top, he wore a brown canvas cap with his badge and number as a garbage driver. Around his waist was tied a large piece of coarse coffee sack, and it looked like he might have been wearing two or three pairs of trousers and several vests. He was staring blankly down the dilapidated street, its hard, crisp snow scattered with tin cans, paper, and bits of garbage. Dust—gray ash dust—was blowing from his upturned can. In the distance behind him was a milk wagon, a few pedestrians, and a thinly clothed girl coming out of a delicatessen. Above, there were dull small-paned windows, some shutters with a few slats missing, and a scruffy man peering out, evidently checking if the day was cold.
Eugene was so cruel in his indictment of life. He seemed to lay on his details with bitter lack of consideration. Like a slavedriver lashing a slave he spared no least shade of his cutting brush. "Thus, and thus and thus" (he seemed to say) "is it." "What do you think of this? and this? and this?"
Eugene was brutally harsh in his criticism of life. He seemed to pile on the details without any thought for how they'd land. Like a taskmaster whipping a laborer, he held nothing back with his sharp words. "This is how it is, and that's how it is," he seemed to say. "What do you think about this? And this? And this?"
People came and stared. Young society matrons, art dealers, art critics, the literary element who were interested in art, some musicians, and, because the newspapers made especial mention of it, quite a number of those who run wherever they imagine there is something interesting to see. It was quite a notable two weeks' display. Miriam Finch (though she never admitted to Eugene that she had seen it—she would not give him that satisfaction) Norma Whitmore, William McConnell, Louis Deesa, Owen Overman, Paynter Stone, the whole ruck and rabble of literary and artistic life, came. There were artists of great ability there whom Eugene had never seen before. [Pg 237] It would have pleased him immensely if he had chanced to see several of the city's most distinguished social leaders looking, at one time and another, at his pictures. All his observers were astonished at his virility, curious as to his personality, curious as to what motive, or significance, or point of view it might have. The more eclectically cultured turned to the newspapers to see what the art critics would say of this—how they would label it. Because of the force of the work, the dignity and critical judgment of Kellner and Son, the fact that the public of its own instinct and volition was interested, most of the criticisms were favorable. One art publication, connected with and representative of the conservative tendencies of a great publishing house, denied the merit of the collection as a whole, ridiculed the artist's insistence on shabby details as having artistic merit, denied that he could draw accurately, denied that he was a lover of pure beauty, and accused him of having no higher ideal than that of desire to shock the current mass by painting brutal things brutally.
People showed up and stared. Young socialites, art dealers, art critics, literary folks interested in art, some musicians, and, since the newspapers specifically highlighted it, quite a few of those who dash over whenever they think something interesting is happening. It was quite a remarkable two-week exhibit. Miriam Finch (even though she never confessed to Eugene that she attended—she wouldn't give him that satisfaction), Norma Whitmore, William McConnell, Louis Deesa, Owen Overman, Paynter Stone, and the whole crowd of literary and artistic life were there. There were talented artists present whom Eugene had never encountered before. [Pg 237] He would have been thrilled to spot several of the city's most prominent social leaders examining his artwork at different times. Everyone watching was amazed by his strength, curious about his personality, and intrigued by what motivations, significance, or perspective lay behind his work. The more eclectic viewers turned to the newspapers to see what the art critics would say about it—how they would label it. Due to the power of the artwork, the honor and critical judgment of Kellner and Son, and the fact that the audience was genuinely interested, most reviews were positive. One art magazine, associated with and reflecting the conservative inclinations of a major publishing house, dismissed the overall value of the collection, mocked the artist's focus on shabby details as having artistic validity, claimed he couldn't draw accurately, asserted he was not a lover of true beauty, and accused him of having no higher goal than to shock the masses by depicting brutal things in a brutal way.
"Mr. Witla," wrote this critic, "would no doubt be flattered if he were referred to as an American Millet. The brutal exaggeration of that painter's art would probably testify to him of his own merit. He is mistaken. The great Frenchman was a lover of humanity, a reformer in spirit, a master of drawing and composition. There was nothing of this cheap desire to startle and offend by what he did. If we are to have ash cans and engines and broken-down bus-horses thrust down our throats as art, Heaven preserve us. We had better turn to commonplace photography at once and be done with it. Broken window shutters, dirty pavements, half frozen ash cart drivers, overdrawn, heavily exaggerated figures of policemen, tenement harridans, beggars, panhandlers, sandwich men—of such is Art according to Eugene Witla."
"Mr. Witla," this critic wrote, "would probably be pleased if he were called the American Millet. The harsh exaggeration of that painter's art would likely convince him of his own talent. He is wrong. The great Frenchman was a lover of humanity, a reformer at heart, a master of drawing and composition. He had no interest in the cheap need to shock and offend with his work. If we’re going to have trash cans, machines, and worn-out bus horses shoved down our throats as art, then Heaven help us. We might as well stick to ordinary photography and be done with it. Broken window shutters, dirty sidewalks, half-frozen garbage truck drivers, overdrawn, heavily exaggerated figures of policemen, tenement women, beggars, panhandlers, sandwich board men—this is what makes up Art according to Eugene Witla."
Eugene winced when he read this. For the time being it seemed true enough. His art was shabby. Yet there were others like Luke Severas who went to the other extreme.
Eugene flinched as he read this. For now, it seemed accurate enough. His art was lacking. Yet there were others like Luke Severas who went to the opposite extreme.
"A true sense of the pathetic, a true sense of the dramatic, the ability to endow color—not with its photographic value, though to the current thought it may seem so—but with its higher spiritual significance; the ability to indict life with its own grossness, to charge it prophetically with its own meanness and cruelty in order that mayhap it may heal itself; the ability to see wherein is beauty—even in shame and pathos and degradation; of such is this man's work. He comes from the soil apparently, fresh to a great task. There is no fear here, no [Pg 238] bowing to traditions, no recognition of any of the accepted methods. It is probable that he may not know what the accepted methods are. So much the better. We have a new method. The world is the richer for that. As we have said before, Mr. Witla may have to wait for his recognition. It is certain that these pictures will not be quickly purchased and hung in parlors. The average art lover does not take to a new thing so readily. But if he persevere, if his art does not fail him, his turn will come. It cannot fail. He is a great artist. May he live to realize it consciously and in his own soul."
"A true sense of the emotional, a true sense of the dramatic, the ability to give color—not just its photographic value, even if it might seem that way to some—but with its deeper spiritual significance; the ability to criticize life for its own harshness, to challenge it prophetically with its own pettiness and cruelty so that it might heal itself; the ability to find beauty—even in shame, sadness, and degradation; this defines this man's work. He seems to come from humble beginnings, ready for a significant task. There’s no fear here, no bending to traditions, no acknowledgment of any established methods. He likely doesn’t even know what those methods are. That’s probably a good thing. We have a new approach. The world is better for it. As we've mentioned before, Mr. Witla may have to wait for his recognition. It's clear that these artworks won't be quickly bought and displayed in living rooms. The average art enthusiast isn't quick to embrace something new. But if he persists, if his art doesn’t let him down, his time will come. It can’t fail. He is a great artist. May he live to realize this fully and within himself."
Tears leaped to Eugene's eyes when he read this. The thought that he was a medium for some noble and super-human purpose thickened the cords in his throat until they felt like a lump. He wanted to be a great artist, he wanted to be worthy of the appreciation that was thus extended to him. He thought of all the writers and artists and musicians and connoisseurs of pictures who would read this and remember him. It was just possible that from now onwards some of his pictures would sell. He would be so glad to devote himself to this sort of thing—to quit magazine illustration entirely. How ridiculous the latter was, how confined and unimportant. Henceforth, unless driven by sheer necessity, he would do it no more. They should beg in vain. He was an artist in the true sense of the word—a great painter, ranking with Whistler, Sargent, Velasquez and Turner. Let the magazines with their little ephemeral circulation go their way. He was for the whole world.
Tears welled up in Eugene's eyes as he read this. The idea that he was a channel for some noble and extraordinary purpose tightened his throat until it felt like a lump. He wanted to be a great artist; he wanted to be deserving of the appreciation being offered to him. He thought of all the writers, artists, musicians, and art lovers who would read this and remember him. It was possible that from now on, some of his paintings would actually sell. He would be thrilled to dedicate himself to this kind of work—to leave behind magazine illustration completely. How silly it was, how limited and unimportant. From now on, unless absolutely necessary, he wouldn't do it again. They could beg all they wanted; he was an artist in the true sense of the word—a great painter, ranking alongside Whistler, Sargent, Velasquez, and Turner. Let the magazines with their fleeting circulation go their own way. He was meant for the whole world.
He stood at the window of his studio one day while the exhibition was still in progress, Angela by his side, thinking of all the fine things that had been said. No picture had been sold, but M. Charles had told him that some might be taken before it was all over.
He stood by the window of his studio one day while the exhibition was still going on, Angela beside him, reflecting on all the great things that had been said. No paintings had been sold yet, but M. Charles had mentioned that a few might be bought before it was all over.
"I think if I make any money out of this," he said to Angela, "we will go to Paris this summer. I have always wanted to see Paris. In the fall we'll come back and take a studio up town. They are building some dandy ones up in Sixty-fifth Street." He was thinking of the artists who could pay three and four thousand dollars a year for a studio. He was thinking of men who made four, five, six and even eight hundred dollars out of every picture they painted. If he could do that! Or if he could get a contract for a mural decoration for next winter. He had very little money laid by. He had spent most of his time this winter working with these pictures.
"I think if I make any money from this," he said to Angela, "we'll go to Paris this summer. I've always wanted to see Paris. In the fall, we'll come back and get a studio uptown. They're building some great ones on Sixty-fifth Street." He was thinking about the artists who could pay three or four thousand dollars a year for a studio. He was thinking of guys who made four, five, six, or even eight hundred dollars from every painting they created. If he could do that! Or if he could land a contract for a mural project next winter. He had very little money saved up. He had spent most of his time this winter working on these paintings.
"Oh, Eugene," exclaimed Angela, "it seems so wonderful. I can hardly believe it. You a really, truly, great artist! And us [Pg 239] going to Paris! Oh, isn't that beautiful. It seems like a dream. I think and think, but it's hard to believe that I am here sometimes, and that your pictures are up at Kellner's and oh!—" she clung to him in an ecstasy of delight.
"Oh, Eugene," Angela exclaimed, "this is so amazing. I can hardly believe it. You're a real, actual great artist! And we’re going to Paris! Oh, isn’t that beautiful? It feels like a dream. I keep thinking about it, but sometimes it's hard to believe that I'm really here, and that your paintings are at Kellner's and oh!" She clung to him in a rush of joy.
Out in the park the leaves were just budding. It looked as though the whole square were hung with a transparent green net, spangled, as was the net in his room, with tiny green leaves. Songsters were idling in the sun. Sparrows were flying noisily about in small clouds. Pigeons were picking lazily between the car tracks of the street below.
Out in the park, the leaves were just starting to bud. It looked like the whole square was covered with a sheer green net, dotted with little green leaves, just like the one in his room. Birds were lounging in the sun. Sparrows were fluttering around noisily in small groups. Pigeons were casually pecking between the car tracks on the street below.
"I might get a group of pictures illustrative of Paris. You can't tell what we'll find. Charles says he will have another exhibition for me next spring, if I'll get the material ready." He pushed his arms above his head and yawned deliciously.
"I might gather a bunch of pictures that show what Paris is like. You never know what we'll discover. Charles says he’ll set up another exhibition for me next spring if I get the material ready." He stretched his arms above his head and yawned contentedly.
He wondered what Miss Finch thought now. He wondered where Christina Channing was. There was never a word in the papers yet as to what had become of her. He knew what Norma Whitmore thought. She was apparently as happy as though the exhibition had been her own.
He wondered what Miss Finch was thinking now. He wondered where Christina Channing was. There had been no mentions in the news about what had happened to her. He knew what Norma Whitmore thought. She seemed as happy as if the exhibition had been hers.
"Well, I must go and get your lunch, Honeybun!" exclaimed Angela. "I have to go to Mr. Gioletti, the grocer, and to Mr. Ruggiere, the vegetable man." She laughed, for the Italian names amused her.
"Well, I need to go get your lunch, Honeybun!" Angela said excitedly. "I have to visit Mr. Gioletti, the grocer, and Mr. Ruggiere, the vegetable guy." She laughed because the Italian names made her smile.
Eugene went back to his easel. He was thinking of Christina—where was she? At that moment, if he had known, she was looking at his pictures, only newly returned from Europe. She had seen a notice in the Evening Post.
Eugene returned to his easel. He was thinking about Christina—where was she? At that moment, if he had known, she was looking at his paintings, just back from Europe. She had seen an ad in the Evening Post.
"Such work!" Christina thought, "such force! Oh, what a delightful artist. And he was with me."
"Such talent!" Christina thought, "such power! Oh, what a wonderful artist. And he was with me."
Her mind went back to Florizel and the amphitheatre among the trees. "He called me 'Diana of the Mountains,'" she thought, "his 'hamadryad,' his 'huntress of the morn.'" She knew he was married. An acquaintance of hers had written in December. The past was past with her—she wanted no more of it. But it was beautiful to think upon—a delicious memory.
Her mind drifted back to Florizel and the amphitheater among the trees. "He called me 'Diana of the Mountains,'" she thought, "his 'hamadryad,' his 'huntress of the morning.'" She knew he was married. A friend of hers had written in December. The past was behind her—she didn’t want any more of it. But it was lovely to reflect on—a sweet memory.
"What a queer girl I am," she thought.
"What a strange girl I am," she thought.
Still she wished she could see him again—not face to face, but somewhere where he could not see her. She wondered if he was changing—if he would ever change. He was so beautiful then—to her.
Still she wished she could see him again—not face to face, but somewhere he couldn’t see her. She wondered if he was changing—if he would ever change. He was so beautiful to her back then.
CHAPTER VIII
Paris now loomed bright in Eugene's imagination, the prospect mingling with a thousand other delightful thoughts. Now that he had attained to the dignity of a public exhibition, which had been notably commented upon by the newspapers and art journals and had been so generally attended by the elect, artists, critics, writers generally, seemed to know of him. There were many who were anxious to meet and greet him, to speak approvingly of his work. It was generally understood, apparently, that he was a great artist, not exactly arrived to the fullness of his stature as yet, being so new, but on his way. Among those who knew him he was, by this one exhibition, lifted almost in a day to a lonely height, far above the puny efforts of such men as Smite and MacHugh, McConnell and Deesa, the whole world of small artists whose canvases packed the semi-annual exhibition of the National Academy of Design and the Water color society, and with whom in a way, he had been associated. He was a great artist now—recognized as such by the eminent critics who knew; and as such, from now on, would be expected to do the work of a great artist. One phrase in the criticisms of Luke Severas in the Evening Sun as it appeared during the run of his exhibition remained in his memory clearly—"If he perseveres, if his art does not fail him." Why should his art fail him?—he asked himself. He was immensely pleased to hear from M. Charles at the close of the exhibition that three of his pictures had been sold—one for three hundred dollars to Henry McKenna, a banker; another, the East Side street scene which M. Charles so greatly admired, to Isaac Wertheim, for five hundred dollars; a third, the one of the three engines and the railroad yard, to Robert C. Winchon, a railroad man, first vice-president of one of the great railroads entering New York, also for five hundred dollars. Eugene had never heard of either Mr. McKenna or Mr. Winchon, but he was assured that they were men of wealth and refinement. At Angela's suggestion he asked M. Charles if he would not accept one of his pictures as a slight testimony of his appreciation for all he had done for him. Eugene would not have thought to do this, he was so careless and unpractical. But Angela thought of it, and saw that he did it. M. Charles was greatly pleased, and took the picture of Greeley Square, which he considered a masterpiece of [Pg 241] color interpretation. This somehow sealed the friendship between these two, and M. Charles was anxious to see Eugene's interests properly forwarded. He asked him to leave three of his scenes on sale for a time and he would see what he could do. Meanwhile, Eugene, with thirteen hundred added to the thousand and some odd dollars he had left in his bank from previous earnings, was convinced that his career was made, and decided, as he had planned to go to Paris, for the summer at least.
Paris now shone brightly in Eugene's imagination, blending with countless other delightful thoughts. With his recent public exhibition, which had been significantly covered by newspapers and art journals and well-attended by influential figures, artists, critics, and writers seemed to recognize him. Many were eager to meet and congratulate him, offering praise for his work. It appeared to be a shared understanding that he was a great artist, not yet at the peak of his abilities since he was still new, but certainly on his way. This one exhibition had elevated him almost overnight, placing him far above lesser talents like Smite and MacHugh, McConnell and Deesa, the whole realm of minor artists whose canvases filled the semi-annual exhibitions of the National Academy of Design and the Watercolor Society, with whom, in a way, he had been associated. He was now a recognized great artist, acknowledged by the prominent critics who understood; and moving forward, he would be expected to produce the work of a great artist. One phrase from Luke Severas's reviews in the Evening Sun, during his exhibition, stuck clearly in his mind: "If he perseveres, if his art does not fail him." Why would his art fail him? he wondered. He was immensely pleased to hear from M. Charles at the end of the exhibition that three of his paintings had sold—one for three hundred dollars to Henry McKenna, a banker; another, the East Side street scene that M. Charles admired, went to Isaac Wertheim for five hundred dollars; a third, featuring three engines and the railroad yard, was purchased by Robert C. Winchon, a railroad executive and first vice-president of one of the major railroads entering New York, also for five hundred dollars. Eugene had never heard of either Mr. McKenna or Mr. Winchon, but he was reassured that they were wealthy and refined individuals. At Angela's suggestion, he asked M. Charles if he would accept one of his paintings as a small token of his gratitude for everything he had done for him. Eugene wouldn't have thought to do this on his own; he was too careless and impractical. But Angela thought of it and made sure he followed through. M. Charles was very pleased and accepted the painting of Greeley Square, which he considered a masterpiece of color interpretation. This gesture somehow solidified the friendship between them, and M. Charles was eager to support Eugene's interests. He asked him to leave three of his scenes for sale temporarily, and he would see what he could do. Meanwhile, with thirteen hundred dollars added to the thousand and some change he had saved from previous earnings, Eugene was convinced that his career was set, and he decided, as he had planned, to go to Paris for the summer at least.
This trip, so exceptional to him, so epoch-making, was easily arranged. All the time he had been in New York he had heard more in his circle of Paris than of any other city. Its streets, its quarters, its museums, its theatres and opera were already almost a commonplace to him. The cost of living, the ideal methods of living, the way to travel, what to see—how often he had sat and listened to descriptions of these things. Now he was going. Angela took the initiative in arranging all the practical details—such as looking up the steamship routes, deciding on the size of trunks required, what to take, buying the tickets, looking up the rates of the different hotels and pensions at which they might possibly stay. She was so dazed by the glory that had burst upon her husband's life that she scarcely knew what to do or what to make of it.
This trip, so incredible to him, so life-changing, was easy to plan. All the time he had spent in New York, he had heard more about Paris than any other city. Its streets, neighborhoods, museums, theaters, and opera were almost familiar to him. The cost of living, the best ways to live, how to travel, what to see—he had often sat and listened to discussions about these things. Now he was actually going. Angela took charge of organizing all the practical details—like checking the steamship routes, deciding on the size of luggage needed, what to pack, buying the tickets, and looking into the rates of various hotels and guesthouses where they might stay. She was so overwhelmed by the excitement that had come into her husband's life that she hardly knew how to respond or what to do about it.
"That Mr. Bierdat," she said to Eugene, referring to one of the assistant steam-ship agents with whom she had taken counsel, "tells me that if we are just going for the summer it's foolish to take anything but absolute necessaries. He says we can buy so many nice little things to wear over there if we need them, and then I can bring them back duty free in the fall."
"That Mr. Bierdat," she said to Eugene, referring to one of the assistant steamship agents she had consulted, "tells me that if we're just going for the summer, it's silly to take anything but the bare essentials. He says we can buy so many nice little things to wear over there if we need them, and then I can bring them back duty-free in the fall."
Eugene approved of this. He thought Angela would like to see the shops. They finally decided to go via London, returning direct from Havre, and on the tenth of May they departed, arriving in London a week later and in Paris on the first of June. Eugene was greatly impressed with London. He had arrived in time to miss the British damp and cold and to see London through a golden haze which was entrancing. Angela objected to the shops, which she described as "punk," and to the condition of the lower classes, who were so poor and wretchedly dressed. She and Eugene discussed the interesting fact that all Englishmen looked exactly alike, dressed, walked, and wore their hats and carried their canes exactly alike. Eugene was impressed with the apparent "go" of the men—their smartness and dapperness. The women he objected to in the main as being dowdy and homely and awkward.
Eugene liked this idea. He thought Angela would enjoy checking out the shops. They eventually decided to travel through London, returning directly from Havre, and on May 10th they set off, arriving in London a week later and reaching Paris on June 1st. Eugene was really taken by London. He managed to dodge the typical British damp and cold and experienced the city through a golden haze that was captivating. Angela wasn’t a fan of the shops, which she called "punk," and she commented on the plight of the lower classes, who seemed extremely poor and poorly dressed. She and Eugene talked about the interesting observation that all Englishmen looked the same, as they dressed, walked, wore their hats, and carried their canes in exactly the same way. Eugene was struck by the men’s apparent "go" — their stylishness and smart appearance. He mostly found the women to be dowdy, unattractive, and awkward.
But when he reached Paris, what a difference! In London, [Pg 242] because of the lack of sufficient means (he did not feel that as yet he had sufficient to permit him to indulge in the more expensive comforts and pleasures of the city) and for the want of someone to provide him with proper social introductions, he was compelled to content himself with that superficial, exterior aspect of things which only the casual traveler sees—the winding streets, the crush of traffic, London Tower, Windsor Castle, the Inns of court, the Strand, Piccadilly, St. Paul's and, of course, the National Gallery and the British Museum. South Kensington and all those various endowed palaces where objects of art are displayed pleased him greatly. In the main he was struck with the conservatism of London, its atmosphere of Empire, its soldiery and the like, though he considered it drab, dull, less strident than New York, and really less picturesque. When he came to Paris, however, all this was changed. Paris is of itself a holiday city—one whose dress is always gay, inviting, fresh, like one who sets forth to spend a day in the country. As Eugene stepped onto the dock at Calais and later as he journeyed across and into the city, he could feel the vast difference between France and England. The one country seemed young, hopeful, American, even foolishly gay, the other serious, speculative, dour.
But when he got to Paris, what a change! In London, [Pg 242] due to not having enough money (he didn’t feel ready to enjoy the city’s pricier comforts and pleasures) and lacking someone to introduce him socially, he had to settle for the superficial, surface-level experience that only a casual tourist notices—the winding streets, the crowded traffic, the Tower of London, Windsor Castle, the Inns of Court, the Strand, Piccadilly, St. Paul's, and of course, the National Gallery and the British Museum. He greatly enjoyed South Kensington and the various grand museums where art is displayed. Overall, he was struck by London's conservatism, its sense of Empire, its military presence, though he found it bland, dull, less vibrant than New York, and really not very picturesque. However, when he arrived in Paris, everything changed. Paris is a city for holidays—always dressed in bright, inviting, fresh colors, like someone heading out for a day in the country. As Eugene stepped onto the dock at Calais and later traveled into the city, he could feel the stark contrast between France and England. One country felt young, optimistic, American, even foolishly cheerful, while the other felt serious, contemplative, and gloomy.
Eugene had taken a number of letters from M. Charles, Hudson Dula, Louis Deesa, Leonard Baker and others, who, on hearing that he was going, had volunteered to send him to friends in Paris who might help him. The principal thing, if he did not wish to maintain a studio of his own, and did wish to learn, was to live with some pleasant French family where he could hear French and pick it up quickly. If he did not wish to do this, the next best thing was to settle in the Montmartre district in some section or court where he could obtain a nice studio, and where there were a number of American or English students. Some of the Americans to whom he had letters were already domiciled here. With a small calling list of friends who spoke English he would do very well.
Eugene had received several letters from M. Charles, Hudson Dula, Louis Deesa, Leonard Baker, and others, who, upon hearing that he was leaving, offered to connect him with friends in Paris who could help him. The main thing, if he didn’t want to maintain his own studio and did want to learn, was to live with a nice French family where he could hear French and pick it up quickly. If he didn’t want to do that, the next best option was to settle in the Montmartre district in a section or courtyard where he could find a nice studio and be around other American or English students. Some of the Americans he had letters from were already living there. With a small list of friends who spoke English, he'd be just fine.
"You will be surprised, Witla," said Deesa to him one day, "how much English you can get understood by making intelligent signs."
"You'll be surprised, Witla," Deesa said to him one day, "how much English you can get across by using smart gestures."
Eugene had laughed at Deesa's descriptions of his own difficulties and successes, but he found that Deesa was right. Signs went very far and they were, as a rule, thoroughly intelligible.
Eugene had laughed at Deesa's explanations of his own struggles and achievements, but he realized that Deesa was correct. Signs meant a lot, and they were usually quite clear.
The studio which he and Angela eventually took after a few days spent at an hotel, was a comfortable one on the third [Pg 243] floor of a house which Eugene found ready to his hand, recommended by M. Arkquin, of the Paris branch of Kellner and Son. Another artist, Finley Wood, whom afterwards Eugene recalled as having been mentioned to him by Ruby Kenny, in Chicago, was leaving Paris for the summer. Because of M. Charles' impressive letter, M. Arkquin was most anxious that Eugene should be comfortably installed and suggested that he take this, the charge being anything he cared to pay—forty francs the month. Eugene looked at it and was delighted. It was in the back of the house, looking out on a little garden, and because of a westward slope of the ground from this direction and an accidental breach in the building line, commanded a wide sweep of the city of Paris, the twin towers of Notre Dame, the sheer rise of the Eiffel tower. It was fascinating to see the lights of the city blinking of an evening. Eugene would invariably draw his chair close to his favorite window when he came in, while Angela made lemonade or iced tea or practised her culinary art on a chafing dish. In presenting to him an almost standard American menu she exhibited the executive ability and natural industry which was her chief characteristic. She would go to the neighboring groceries, rotisseries, patisseries, green vegetable stands, and get the few things she needed in the smallest quantities, always selecting the best and preparing them with the greatest care. She was an excellent cook and loved to set a dainty and shining table. She saw no need of company, for she was perfectly happy alone with Eugene and felt that he must be with her. She had no desire to go anywhere by herself—only with him; and she would hang on every thought and motion waiting for him to say what his pleasure would be.
The studio that he and Angela eventually got after spending a few days at a hotel was a comfortable place on the third [Pg 243] floor of a building that Eugene found readily available, recommended by M. Arkquin from the Paris branch of Kellner and Son. Another artist, Finley Wood, who Eugene later remembered was mentioned to him by Ruby Kenny in Chicago, was leaving Paris for the summer. Because of M. Charles' impressive letter, M. Arkquin was very eager for Eugene to get settled comfortably and suggested that he take this place, with the rent being whatever he wanted to pay—forty francs a month. Eugene looked it over and was thrilled. It faced the back of the building, overlooking a small garden, and due to the westward slope of the ground and a random break in the building line, it offered a broad view of the city of Paris, the twin towers of Notre Dame, and the soaring Eiffel Tower. It was captivating to see the city lights blinking in the evening. Eugene would always pull his chair close to his favorite window when he came in, while Angela made lemonade or iced tea or practiced her cooking skills on a chafing dish. When presenting him with a nearly standard American menu, she displayed the organizational skills and natural industriousness that were her main qualities. She would go to the nearby grocery stores, rotisseries, patisseries, and vegetable stands to pick up just a few things in small quantities, always choosing the best and preparing them with care. She was an excellent cook and loved to set a beautiful and shiny table. She felt no need for company since she was completely happy being alone with Eugene and believed he should be with her. She had no desire to go anywhere on her own—only with him; and she would hang on his every thought and movement, waiting for him to tell her what he wanted.
The wonder of Paris to Eugene was its freshness and the richness of its art spirit as expressed on every hand. He was never weary of looking at the undersized French soldiery with their wide red trousers, blue coats and red caps, or the police with their capes and swords and the cab drivers with their air of leisurely superiority. The Seine, brisk with boats at this season of the year, the garden of the Tuileries, with its white marble nudes and formal paths and stone benches, the Bois, the Champ de Mars, the Trocadero Museum, the Louvre—all the wonder streets and museums held him as in a dream.
The magic of Paris for Eugene was in its freshness and the richness of its artistic vibe everywhere he looked. He never got tired of watching the short French soldiers in their wide red pants, blue jackets, and red caps, or the police with their capes and swords, or the cab drivers who exuded a casual confidence. The Seine, lively with boats this time of year, the Tuileries Garden with its white marble statues, neat paths, and stone benches, the Bois, the Champ de Mars, the Trocadero Museum, the Louvre—all the amazing streets and museums captivated him like a dream.
"Gee," he exclaimed to Angela one afternoon as he followed the banks of the Seine toward Issy, "this is certainly the home of the blessed for all good artists. Smell that perfume. (It was from a perfume factory in the distance.) See that barge!" [Pg 244] He leaned on the river wall. "Ah," he sighed, "this is perfect."
"Wow," he said to Angela one afternoon as he walked along the banks of the Seine toward Issy, "this is definitely the paradise for all good artists. Smell that fragrance. (It's from a perfume factory nearby.) Look at that barge!" [Pg 244] He leaned on the river wall. "Ah," he sighed, "this is perfect."
They went back in the dusk on the roof of an open car. "When I die," he sighed, "I hope I come to Paris. It is all the heaven I want."
They drove back in the twilight on the roof of a convertible. "When I die," he sighed, "I hope I make it to Paris. It's all the heaven I need."
Yet like all perfect delights, it lost some of its savour after a time, though not much. Eugene felt that he could live in Paris if his art would permit him—though he must go back, he knew, for the present anyhow.
Yet like all perfect pleasures, it lost some of its appeal after a while, though not by much. Eugene felt that he could live in Paris if his art allowed it—though he knew he must return, at least for now.
Angela, he noticed after a time, was growing in confidence, if not in mentality. From a certain dazed uncertainty which had characterized her the preceding fall when she had first come to New York, heightened and increased for the time being by the rush of art life and strange personalities she had encountered there and here she was blossoming into a kind of assurance born of experience. Finding that Eugene's ideas, feelings and interests were of the upper world of thought entirely—concerned with types, crowds, the aspect of buildings, streets, skylines, the humors and pathetic aspects of living, she concerned herself solely with the managerial details. It did not take her long to discover that if anyone would relieve Eugene of all care for himself he would let him do it. It was no satisfaction to him to buy himself anything. He objected to executive and commercial details. If tickets had to be bought, time tables consulted, inquiries made, any labor of argument or dispute engaged in, he was loath to enter on it. "You get these, will you, Angela?" he would plead, or "you see him about that. I can't now. Will you?"
Angela, he noticed after a while, was becoming more confident, even if her mindset hadn't fully changed. She had started out in New York the previous fall with a kind of dazed uncertainty, which had only intensified for a while due to the fast-paced art scene and the array of interesting people she met. Now she was evolving into a form of assurance that came from her experiences. Realizing that Eugene's thoughts, feelings, and interests were completely related to the higher level of ideas—focused on types, crowds, the appearance of buildings, streets, skylines, and the humorous and sad aspects of life—she limited her focus to the logistical details. It didn't take her long to figure out that if anyone would take care of Eugene's needs, he would gladly let them. He found no joy in buying anything for himself. He disliked executive and commercial matters. If tickets needed to be bought, timetables checked, inquiries made, or any kind of argument or negotiation needed to occur, he was reluctant to get involved. "Can you get these, Angela?" he would ask, or "Can you talk to him about that? I can't right now. Will you?"
Angela would hurry to the task, whatever it was, anxious to show that she was of real use and necessity. On the busses of London or Paris, as in New York, he was sketching, sketching, sketching—cabs, little passenger boats of the Seine, characters in the cafes, parks, gardens, music halls, anywhere, anything, for he was practically tireless. All that he wanted was not to be bothered very much, to be left to his own devices. Sometimes Angela would pay all the bills for him for a day. She carried his purse, took charge of all the express orders into which their cash had been transferred, kept a list of all their expenditures, did the shopping, buying, paying. Eugene was left to see the thing that he wanted to see, to think the things that he wanted to think. During all those early days Angela made a god of him and he was very willing to cross his legs, Buddha fashion, and act as one.
Angela would rush to get things done, no matter what the task was, eager to prove she was truly useful and essential. On the buses in London or Paris, just like in New York, he was always sketching—cabs, little boats on the Seine, people in cafes, parks, gardens, music halls—anywhere, anything, because he was practically tireless. All he wanted was not to be bothered too much, to be left to his own thoughts. Sometimes, Angela would pay all his bills for the day. She carried his wallet, managed all the quick purchases their money covered, kept a list of their spending, handled the shopping, buying, and paying. Eugene was free to see what he wanted to see and think what he wanted to think. During those early days, Angela idolized him, and he was more than willing to sit cross-legged like Buddha and play along.
Only at night when there were no alien sights or sounds to engage his attention, when not even his art could come between [Pg 245] them, and she could draw him into her arms and submerge his restless spirit in the tides of her love did she feel his equal—really worthy of him. These transports which came with the darkness, or with the mellow light of the little oil lamp that hung in chains from the ceiling near their wide bed, or in the faint freshness of dawn with the birds cheeping in the one tree of the little garden below—were to her at once utterly generous and profoundly selfish. She had eagerly absorbed Eugene's philosophy of self-indulgent joy where it concerned themselves—all the more readily as it coincided with her own vague ideas and her own hot impulses.
Only at night, when there were no strange sights or sounds to distract him, and when even his art couldn't come between them, could she pull him into her arms and calm his restless spirit with her love. In those moments, she truly felt like his equal—really worthy of him. These intense moments, which happened in the darkness, in the warm glow of the little oil lamp hanging from the ceiling near their wide bed, or in the soft freshness of dawn with the birds chirping in the one tree of the small garden below, felt to her both completely generous and deeply selfish. She had eagerly embraced Eugene's philosophy of pursuing self-indulgent joy for the two of them, all the more willingly since it matched her own vague ideas and passionate impulses.
Angela had come to marriage through years of self-denial, years of bitter longing for the marriage that perhaps would never be, and out of those years she had come to the marriage bed with a cumulative and intense passion. Without any knowledge either of the ethics or physiology of sex, except as pertained to her state as a virgin, she was vastly ignorant of marriage itself; the hearsay of girls, the equivocal confessions of newly married women, and the advice of her elder sister (conveyed by Heaven only knows what process of conversation) had left her almost as ignorant as before, and now she explored its mysteries with abandon, convinced that the unrestrained gratification of passion was normal and excellent—in addition to being, as she came to find, a universal solvent for all differences of opinion or temperament that threatened their peace of mind. Beginning with their life in the studio on Washington Square, and continuing with even greater fervor now in Paris, there was what might be described as a prolonged riot of indulgence between them, bearing no relation to any necessity in their natures, and certainly none to the demands which Eugene's intellectual and artistic tasks laid upon him. She was to Eugene astonishing and delightful; and yet perhaps not so much delightful as astonishing. Angela was in a sense elemental, but Eugene was not: he was the artist, in this as in other things, rousing himself to a pitch of appreciation which no strength so undermined by intellectual subtleties could continuously sustain. The excitement of adventure, of intrigue in a sense, of discovering the secrets of feminine personality—these were really what had constituted the charm, if not the compelling urge, of his romances. To conquer was beautiful: but it was in essence an intellectual enterprise. To see his rash dreams come true in the yielding of the last sweetness possessed by the desired woman, had been to him imaginatively as well as physically an irresistible thing. But these enterprises were like thin silver strands spun out across [Pg 246] an abyss, whose beauty but not whose dangers were known to him. Still, he rejoiced in this magnificent creature-joy which Angela supplied; it was, so far as it was concerned, what he thought he wanted. And Angela interpreted her power to respond to what seemed his inexhaustible desire as not only a kindness but a duty.
Angela had entered marriage after years of denying herself, filled with a deep yearning for a relationship that might never happen. When she finally reached the marriage bed, she was filled with intense passion. She knew nothing about the ethics or physiology of sex, aside from her experience as a virgin, and she was largely unaware of what marriage truly meant. The gossip from other girls, the ambiguous confessions from newlyweds, and the advice from her older sister (which came through who knows what kind of conversations) left her almost as clueless as before. Now, she was exploring its mysteries with abandon, believing that the uninhibited satisfaction of passion was both normal and wonderful—something she eventually realized was a universal way to resolve any differences in opinion or temperament that might disrupt their peace of mind. Starting with their life in the studio on Washington Square, and continuing with even more passion in Paris, they engaged in what could be called a prolonged spree of indulgence, unrelated to any necessity in their characters, and certainly disconnected from the demands of Eugene's intellectual and artistic work. Angela was astonishing and delightful to Eugene, though perhaps more astonishing than delightful. Angela had a rawness about her, but Eugene did not; he was the artist, and while he could appreciate her, his intellect often left him unable to maintain that level of engagement. The thrill of adventure, intrigue, and uncovering the secrets of feminine nature was what truly attracted him, if not drove him, in his romantic pursuits. To conquer was beautiful, but fundamentally it was an intellectual challenge. The idea of his wild dreams materializing in the intimate surrender of the woman he desired was both imaginatively and physically irresistible to him. However, these pursuits were like delicate silver threads stretched across an abyss, beautiful yet dangerously unknown to him. Still, he took joy in this magnificent pleasure that Angela provided; it was, for him, what he thought he wanted. And Angela saw her ability to satisfy what seemed like his endless desire as not just a kindness but also a responsibility.
Eugene set up his easel here, painted from nine to noon some days, and on others from two to five in the afternoon. If it were dark, he would walk or ride with Angela or visit the museums, the galleries and the public buildings or stroll in the factory or railroad quarters of the city. Eugene sympathized most with sombre types and was constantly drawing something which represented grim care. Aside from the dancers in the music halls, the toughs, in what later became known as the Apache district, the summer picnicking parties at Versailles and St. Cloud, the boat crowds on the Seine, he drew factory throngs, watchmen and railroad crossings, market people, market in the dark, street sweepers, newspaper vendors, flower merchants, always with a memorable street scene in the background. Some of the most interesting bits of Paris, its towers, bridges, river views, façades, appeared in backgrounds to the grim or picturesque or pathetic character studies. It was his hope that he could interest America in these things—that his next exhibition would not only illustrate his versatility and persistence of talent, but show an improvement in his art, a surer sense of color values, a greater analytical power in the matter of character, a surer selective taste in the matter of composition and arrangement. He did not realize that all this might be useless—that he was, aside from his art, living a life which might rob talent of its finest flavor, discolor the aspect of the world for himself, take scope from imagination and hamper effort with nervous irritation, and make accomplishment impossible. He had no knowledge of the effect of one's sexual life upon one's work, nor what such a life when badly arranged can do to a perfect art—how it can distort the sense of color, weaken that balanced judgment of character which is so essential to a normal interpretation of life, make all striving hopeless, take from art its most joyous conception, make life itself seem unimportant and death a relief.
Eugene set up his easel here, painting from nine to noon some days, and on others from two to five in the afternoon. If it was dark, he would walk or ride with Angela or check out the museums, galleries, and public buildings, or stroll through the factory or railroad areas of the city. Eugene had a strong affinity for somber characters and was always sketching something that expressed deep concern. Aside from the dancers in the music halls, the rough types in what later became known as the Apache district, the summer picnicking groups at Versailles and St. Cloud, and the boat crowds on the Seine, he sketched factory workers, security guards, railroad crossings, market vendors, markets at night, street sweepers, newspaper sellers, and flower sellers, always featuring a notable street scene in the background. Some of the most interesting aspects of Paris—its towers, bridges, river views, and facades—appeared in the backdrops to his grim, picturesque, or poignant character studies. He hoped to engage America with these subjects, believing that his next exhibition would not only showcase his versatility and consistent talent but also demonstrate growth in his art, a better grasp of color values, enhanced analytical skills regarding character, and a more refined sense of taste in composition and arrangement. He had no idea that all this might be pointless—that aside from his art, he was living a life that could strip talent of its finest essence, dull his perception of the world, stifle his imagination, hinder his efforts with anxiety, and make achievement unattainable. He was unaware of how one's sex life affects one’s work or how a poorly managed personal life can disrupt perfect art—how it can warp one's sense of color, undermine the balanced judgment of character essential for a true interpretation of life, render all efforts futile, rob art of its most joyful visions, and make life itself seem trivial and death a relief.
CHAPTER IX
The summer passed, and with it the freshness and novelty of Paris, though Eugene never really wearied of it. The peculiarities of a different national life, the variations between this and his own country in national ideals, an obviously much more complaisant and human attitude toward morals, a matter-of-fact acceptance of the ills, weaknesses and class differences, to say nothing of the general physical appearance, the dress, habitations and amusements of the people, astonished as much as they entertained him. He was never weary of studying the differences between American and European architecture, noting the pacific manner in which the Frenchman appeared to take life, listening to Angela's unwearied comments on the cleanliness, economy, thoroughness with which the French women kept house, rejoicing in the absence of the American leaning to incessant activity. Angela was struck by the very moderate prices for laundry, the skill with which their concierge—who governed this quarter and who knew sufficient English to talk to her—did her marketing, cooking, sewing and entertaining. The richness of supply and aimless waste of Americans was alike unknown. Because she was naturally of a domestic turn Angela became very intimate with Madame Bourgoche and learned of her a hundred and one little tricks of domestic economy and arrangement.
The summer went by, and with it came the loss of the freshness and excitement of Paris, though Eugene never really got tired of it. The quirks of a different national lifestyle, the contrasts between this and his own country’s national ideals, a much more accommodating and human attitude toward morality, a straightforward acceptance of the struggles, weaknesses, and class differences, not to mention the overall appearance, clothing, living spaces, and entertainment of the people, amazed him just as much as it entertained him. He never tired of comparing American and European architecture, observing the calm way the French seemed to approach life, and listening to Angela's endless observations about how clean, economical, and thorough French women were in running their households, enjoying the absence of the American tendency toward constant activity. Angela was impressed by the very reasonable prices for laundry and the skill with which their concierge—who managed this neighborhood and knew enough English to talk to her—handled shopping, cooking, sewing, and entertaining. The abundance of supplies and the aimless waste of Americans were completely foreign to her. Because she naturally had a domestic inclination, Angela became very close with Madame Bourgoche and learned from her countless little tricks of home management and organization.
"You're a peculiar girl, Angela," Eugene once said to her. "I believe you would rather sit down stairs and talk to that French-woman than meet the most interesting literary or artistic personage that ever was. What do you find that's so interesting to talk about?"
"You're an interesting girl, Angela," Eugene once told her. "I think you would rather hang out downstairs and chat with that French woman than meet the most fascinating literary or artistic person ever. What do you find so interesting to talk about?"
"Oh, nothing much," replied Angela, who was not unconscious of the implied hint of her artistic deficiencies. "She's such a smart woman. She's so practical. She knows more in a minute about saving and buying and making a little go a long way than any American woman I ever saw. I'm not interested in her any more than I am in anyone else. All the artistic people do, that I can see, is to run around and pretend that they're a whole lot when they're not."
"Oh, not much," Angela replied, clearly aware of the subtle suggestion regarding her artistic shortcomings. "She's really smart. She's so practical. She knows more in a minute about saving, shopping, and stretching a little money further than any American woman I've ever met. I'm not any more interested in her than I am in anyone else. From what I can see, all the artistic people do is run around and act like they're a big deal when they're really not."
Eugene saw that he had made an irritating reference, not wholly intended in the way it was being taken.
Eugene realized he had made an annoying comment that wasn't entirely meant to be understood the way it was being interpreted.
"I'm not saying she isn't able," he went on. "One talent is [Pg 248] as good as another, I suppose. She certainly looks clever enough to me. Where is her husband?"
"I'm not saying she can't do it," he continued. "One skill is just as good as another, I guess. She definitely seems smart enough to me. Where's her husband?"
"He was killed in the army," returned Angela dolefully.
"He was killed in the army," Angela replied sadly.
"Well I suppose you'll learn enough from her to run a hotel when you get back to New York. You don't know enough about housekeeping now, do you?"
"Well, I guess you’ll learn enough from her to manage a hotel when you get back to New York. You don’t know enough about housekeeping right now, do you?"
Eugene smiled with his implied compliment. He was anxious to get Angela's mind off the art question. He hoped she would feel or see that he meant nothing, but she was not so easily pacified.
Eugene smiled at his unspoken compliment. He was eager to distract Angela from the art question. He hoped she would realize or feel that he meant nothing by it, but she was not so easily reassured.
"You don't think I'm so bad, Eugene, do you?" she asked after a moment. "You don't think it makes so much difference whether I talk to Madame Bourgoche? She isn't so dull. She's awfully smart. You just haven't talked to her. She says she can tell by looking at you that you're a great artist. You're different. You remind her of a Mr. Degas that once lived here. Was he a great artist?"
"You don't think I'm that bad, do you, Eugene?" she asked after a moment. "You don't really think it matters much if I talk to Madame Bourgoche? She's not boring. She's really smart. You just haven't had a conversation with her. She says she can tell just by looking at you that you're a great artist. You're unique. You remind her of a Mr. Degas who used to live here. Was he a great artist?"
"Was he!" said Eugene. "Well I guess yes. Did he have this studio?"
"Was he?" Eugene said. "Well, I guess so. Did he have this studio?"
"Oh, a long time ago—fifteen years ago."
"Oh, a long time ago—fifteen years ago."
Eugene smiled beatifically. This was a great compliment. He could not help liking Madame Bourgoche for it. She was bright, no doubt of that, or she would not be able to make such a comparison. Angela drew from him, as before, that her domesticity and housekeeping skill was as important as anything else in the world, and having done this was satisfied and cheerful once more. Eugene thought how little art or conditions or climate or country altered the fundamental characteristics of human nature. Here he was in Paris, comparatively well supplied with money, famous, or in process of becoming so, and quarreling with Angela over little domestic idiosyncrasies, just as in Washington Square.
Eugene smiled happily. This was a huge compliment. He couldn’t help but like Madame Bourgoche for it. She was smart, no doubt about that, or she wouldn’t be able to make such a comparison. Angela, as before, showed him that her domestic skills and housekeeping were as important as anything else in the world, and having done this, she felt satisfied and cheerful once again. Eugene reflected on how little art, circumstances, climate, or country changed the basic traits of human nature. Here he was in Paris, relatively well-off, famous or on his way to becoming so, and arguing with Angela over trivial domestic quirks, just like in Washington Square.
By late September Eugene had most of his Paris sketches so well laid in that he could finish them anywhere. Some fifteen were as complete as they could be made. A number of others were nearly so. He decided that he had had a profitable summer. He had worked hard and here was the work to show for it—twenty-six canvases which were as good, in his judgment, as those he had painted in New York. They had not taken so long, but he was surer of himself—surer of his method. He parted reluctantly with all the lovely things he had seen, believing that this collection of Parisian views would be as impressive to Americans as had been his New York views. M. Arkquin for one, and many others, including the friends of Deesa [Pg 249] and Dula were delighted with them. The former expressed the belief that some of them might be sold in France.
By late September, Eugene had most of his Paris sketches so well developed that he could finish them anywhere. About fifteen were as complete as they could be. Several others were almost finished. He felt that he had a successful summer. He had worked hard, and here was the result—twenty-six canvases that he believed were just as good as those he had painted in New York. They hadn't taken as long, but he felt more confident—more confident in his approach. He reluctantly parted with all the beautiful things he had seen, thinking that this collection of Parisian views would impress Americans just as much as his New York views had. M. Arkquin, among others, including Deesa’s and Dula’s friends, were thrilled with them. The former believed that some of them might even sell in France.
Eugene returned to America with Angela, and learning that he might stay in the old studio until December first, settled down to finish the work for his exhibition there.
Eugene came back to America with Angela, and after finding out that he could stay in the old studio until December first, he got to work and focused on finishing the pieces for his exhibition there.
The first suggestion that Eugene had that anything was wrong with him, aside from a growing apprehensiveness as to what the American people would think of his French work, was in the fall, when he began to imagine—or perhaps it was really true—that coffee did not agree with him. He had for several years now been free of his old-time complaint,—stomach trouble; but gradually it was beginning to reappear and he began to complain to Angela that he was feeling an irritation after his meals, that coffee came up in his throat. "I think I'll have to try tea or something else if this doesn't stop," he observed. She suggested chocolate and he changed to that, but this merely resulted in shifting the ill to another quarter. He now began to quarrel with his work—not being able to get a certain effect, and having sometimes altered and re-altered and re-re-altered a canvas until it bore little resemblance to the original arrangement, he would grow terribly discouraged; or believe that he had attained perfection at last, only to change his mind the following morning.
The first hint that Eugene had that something was off with him, besides a growing concern about what the American public would think of his French work, came in the fall when he started to think—or maybe it was true—that coffee didn’t sit well with him. He had been free from his old stomach issues for several years now, but gradually they began to resurface, and he started complaining to Angela that he felt an irritation after meals, and that coffee would come back up in his throat. "I think I’ll have to switch to tea or something else if this keeps up," he said. She suggested chocolate, so he tried that, but it just moved the problem somewhere else. He soon began to struggle with his work—not being able to achieve a certain effect, and sometimes he would alter and re-alter a canvas so much that it barely resembled the original, which made him extremely discouraged; or he would feel he had finally reached perfection, only to change his mind the next morning.
"Now," he would say, "I think I have that thing right at last, thank heaven!"
"Now," he would say, "I think I've finally got that figured out, thank goodness!"
Angela would heave a sigh of relief, for she could feel instantly any distress or inability that he felt, but her joy was of short duration. In a few hours she would find him working at the same canvas changing something. He grew thinner and paler at this time and his apprehensions as to his future rapidly became morbid.
Angela would let out a sigh of relief because she could immediately sense any distress or struggle he was experiencing, but her happiness was short-lived. A few hours later, she would find him working on the same canvas, altering something. During this time, he became thinner and paler, and his worries about the future quickly turned obsessive.
"By George! Angela," he said to her one day, "it would be a bad thing for me if I were to become sick now. It's just the time that I don't want to. I want to finish this exhibition up right and then go to London. If I could do London and Chicago as I did New York I would be just about made, but if I'm going to get sick—"
"Wow, Angela," he said to her one day, "it would really be a problem for me if I got sick right now. This is not the time for that. I want to wrap up this exhibition properly and then head to London. If I can manage London and Chicago like I did New York, I would be all set, but if I'm going to get sick—"
"Oh, you're not going to get sick, Eugene," replied Angela, "you just think you are. You want to remember that you've worked very hard this summer. And think how hard you worked last winter! You need a good rest, that's what you need. Why don't you stop after you get this exhibition ready and rest awhile? You have enough to live on for a little bit. M. Charles will probably sell a few more of those pictures, or [Pg 250] some of those will sell and then you can wait. Don't try to go to London in the spring. Go on a walking tour or go down South or just rest awhile, anywhere,—that's what you need."
"Oh, you're not going to get sick, Eugene," Angela replied, "you just think you are. Remember how hard you've worked this summer. And think about how much you worked last winter! You need a good rest, that’s what you really need. Why not take a break after you get this exhibition ready? You have enough money to live on for a little while. M. Charles will probably sell a few more of those pictures, or some of them will sell, and then you'll be able to wait. Don't plan on going to London in the spring. Go on a walking tour or head down South, or just rest for a bit—anywhere, that’s what you need."
Eugene realized vaguely that it wasn't rest that he needed so much as peace of mind. He was not tired. He was merely nervously excited and apprehensive. He began to sleep badly, to have terrifying dreams, to feel that his heart was failing him. At two o'clock in the morning, the hour when for some reason human vitality appears to undergo a peculiar disturbance, he would wake with a sense of sinking physically. His pulse would appear to be very low, and he would feel his wrists nervously. Not infrequently he would break out in a cold perspiration and would get up and walk about to restore himself. Angela would rise and walk with him. One day at his easel he was seized with a peculiar nervous disturbance—a sudden glittering light before his eyes, a rumbling in his ears, and a sensation which was as if his body were being pricked with ten million needles. It was as though his whole nervous system had given way at every minute point and division. For the time being he was intensely frightened, believing that he was going crazy, but he said nothing. It came to him as a staggering truth that the trouble with him was over-indulgence physically; that the remedy was abstinence, complete or at least partial; that he was probably so far weakened mentally and physically that it would be very difficult for him to recover; that his ability to paint might be seriously affected—his life blighted.
Eugene realized vaguely that it wasn't rest he needed so much as peace of mind. He wasn't tired; he was just nervously excited and worried. He started sleeping poorly, having terrifying dreams, and feeling like his heart was giving out. At two o'clock in the morning, the time when it seems human energy takes a strange dip, he would wake up with a physical sense of sinking. His pulse felt very low, and he would check his wrists nervously. Often, he would break out in a cold sweat and get up to walk around to feel better. Angela would get up and walk with him. One day at his easel, he was hit with a strange nervous disturbance—a sudden bright light in front of his eyes, a rumbling in his ears, and a feeling as if his body was being pricked by a million needles. It felt like his whole nervous system had collapsed at every tiny point. At that moment, he was intensely scared, thinking he was going insane, but he kept quiet about it. It struck him as a shocking realization that his issue was over-indulgence physically; that the solution was abstinence, either complete or at least partial; that he was probably so weakened mentally and physically that recovery would be really hard; and that his ability to paint could be seriously impacted—potentially ruining his life.
He stood before his canvas holding his brush, wondering. When the shock had completely gone he laid the brush down with a trembling hand. He walked to the window, wiped his cold, damp forehead with his hand and then turned to get his coat from the closet.
He stood in front of his canvas, holding his brush, lost in thought. Once the shock had completely faded, he set the brush down with a shaky hand. He walked to the window, wiped his cold, damp forehead with his hand, and then turned to grab his coat from the closet.
"Where are you going?" asked Angela.
"Where are you headed?" asked Angela.
"For a little walk. I'll be back soon. I don't feel just as fresh as I might."
"For a quick walk. I'll be back soon. I'm not feeling quite as fresh as I could be."
She kissed him good-bye at the door and let him go, but her heart troubled her.
She kissed him goodbye at the door and let him go, but her heart was troubled.
"I'm afraid Eugene is going to get sick," she thought. "He ought to stop work."
"I'm worried Eugene is going to get sick," she thought. "He should really stop working."
CHAPTER X
It was the beginning of a period destined to last five or six years, in which, to say the least, Eugene was not himself. He was not in any sense out of his mind, if power to reason clearly, jest sagely, argue and read intelligently are any evidences of sanity; but privately his mind was a maelstrom of contradictory doubts, feelings and emotions. Always of a philosophic and introspective turn, this peculiar faculty of reasoning deeply and feeling emotionally were now turned upon himself and his own condition and, as in all such cases where we peer too closely into the subtleties of creation, confusion was the result. Previously he had been well satisfied that the world knew nothing. Neither in religion, philosophy nor science was there any answer to the riddle of existence. Above and below the little scintillating plane of man's thought was—what? Beyond the optic strength of the greatest telescope,—far out upon the dim horizon of space—were clouds of stars. What were they doing out there? Who governed them? When were their sidereal motions calculated? He figured life as a grim dark mystery, a sad semiconscious activity turning aimlessly in the dark. No one knew anything. God knew nothing—himself least of all. Malevolence, life living on death, plain violence—these were the chief characteristics of existence. If one failed of strength in any way, if life were not kind in its bestowal of gifts, if one were not born to fortune's pampering care—the rest was misery. In the days of his strength and prosperity the spectacle of existence had been sad enough: in the hours of threatened delay and defeat it seemed terrible. Why, if his art failed him now, what had he? Nothing. A little puny reputation which he could not sustain, no money, a wife to take care of, years of possible suffering and death. The abyss of death! When he looked into that after all of life and hope, how it shocked him, how it hurt! Here was life and happiness and love in health—there was death and nothingness—æons and æons of nothingness.
It was the beginning of a time that would last five or six years, during which, to say the least, Eugene was not himself. He wasn’t out of his mind in any sense, as his ability to think clearly, joke wisely, argue, and read intelligently indicated he was sane. But privately, his mind was a whirlpool of conflicting doubts, feelings, and emotions. Always somewhat philosophical and introspective, this unique ability to think deeply and feel profoundly was now focused on himself and his own situation, and as happens when we look too closely at the intricacies of existence, confusion resulted. Previously, he had been pretty sure that the world knew nothing. In religion, philosophy, or science, there was no answer to the mystery of existence. Above and below the tiny sparkly surface of human thought was—what? Beyond the range of even the most powerful telescope, far out on the distant horizon of space, were clouds of stars. What were they doing out there? Who was in charge of them? When were their cosmic movements calculated? He viewed life as a dark, grim mystery, a sad half-conscious activity aimlessly spinning in the dark. No one knew anything. God knew nothing—least of all himself. Malevolence, life thriving on death, straightforward violence—these were the main traits of existence. If someone lacked strength in any way, if life didn’t generously offer its gifts, if one wasn’t born into the comfort of fortune—then the rest was misery. In his days of strength and prosperity, the sight of existence had been sad enough; in times of impending delay and defeat, it seemed horrifying. Why, if his art failed him now, what did he have? Nothing. A tiny, shaky reputation he couldn’t maintain, no money, a wife to care for, years of potential suffering and death. The abyss of death! When he stared into that after all his life and hope, how it shocked him, how it hurt! Here was life, happiness, and love in health—there was death and nothingness—eons and eons of nothingness.
He did not immediately give up hope—immediately succumb to the evidences of a crumbling reality. For months and months he fancied each day that this was a temporary condition; that drugs and doctors could heal him. There were various remedies that were advertised in the papers, blood purifiers, nerve restorers, brain foods, which were announced at once as specifics [Pg 252] and cures, and while he did not think that the ordinary patent medicine had anything of value in it, he did imagine that some good could be had from tonics, or the tonic. A physician whom he consulted recommended rest and an excellent tonic which he knew of. He asked whether he was subject to any wasting disease. Eugene told him no. He confessed to an over-indulgence in the sex-relationship, but the doctor did not believe that ordinarily this should bring about a nervous decline. Hard work must have something to do with it, over-anxiety. Some temperaments such as his were predisposed at birth to nervous breakdowns; they had to guard themselves. Eugene would have to be very careful. He should eat regularly, sleep as long as possible, observe regular hours. A system of exercise might not be a bad thing for him. He could get him a pair of Indian clubs or dumb-bells or an exerciser and bring himself back to health that way.
He didn’t immediately lose hope—didn’t just give in to the signs of a deteriorating reality. For months, he convinced himself each day that this was just a temporary situation; that medications and doctors could fix him. There were various treatments advertised in the papers, like blood cleansers, nerve boosters, and brain foods, which were touted as cures and remedies, and while he didn’t believe that regular over-the-counter medicine had any real value, he thought that tonics might offer some benefit. A doctor he consulted recommended rest and a great tonic he knew about. He asked if he was suffering from any wasting disease. Eugene replied no. He admitted to indulging too much in sexual relationships, but the doctor didn’t think that should typically lead to a nervous decline. It must be due to hard work and excessive anxiety. Some temperaments like his were naturally prone to nervous breakdowns; they had to be on guard. Eugene needed to be very careful. He should eat regularly, sleep as much as he could, and keep a consistent schedule. A routine of exercise might benefit him. He could get himself a pair of Indian clubs, dumbbells, or an exerciser and work his way back to health that way.
Eugene told Angela that he believed he would try exercising and joined a gymnasium. He took a tonic, walked with her a great deal, sought to ignore the fact that he was nervously depressed. These things were of practically no value, for the body had apparently been drawn a great distance below normal and all the hell of a subnormal state had to be endured before it could gradually come into its own again.
Eugene told Angela that he thought he would start exercising and joined a gym. He took a tonic, walked with her a lot, and tried to ignore the fact that he was feeling really down. These things didn’t help much because his body was clearly way below normal, and he had to go through all the struggles of being in a subpar state before he could slowly feel like himself again.
In the meantime he was continuing his passional relations with Angela, in spite of a growing judgment that they were in some way harmful to him. But it was not easy to refrain, and each failure to do so made it harder. It was a customary remark of his that "he must quit this," but it was like the self-apologetic assurance of the drunkard that he must reform.
In the meantime, he was still involved with Angela, despite increasingly realizing that their relationship was somehow damaging to him. But it wasn't easy to hold back, and every slip made it harder. He often said he "had to stop this," but it was just like a drunkard's half-hearted promise to change.
Now that he had stepped out into the limelight of public observation—now that artists and critics and writers somewhat knew of him, and in their occasional way were wondering what he was doing, it was necessary that he should bestir himself to especial effort in order to satisfy the public as to the enduring quality of his art. He was glad, once he realized that he was in for a siege of bad weather, that his Paris drawings had been so nearly completed before the break came. By the day he suffered the peculiar nervousness which seemed to mark the opening of his real decline, he had completed twenty-two paintings, which Angela begged him not to touch; and by sheer strength of will, though he misdoubted gravely, he managed to complete five more. All of these M. Charles came to see on occasion, and he approved of them highly. He was not so sure that they would have the appeal of the American pictures, for [Pg 253] after all the city of Paris had been pretty well done over and over in illustration and genré work. It was not so new as New York; the things Eugene chose were not as unconventional. Still, he could say truly they were exceptional. They might try an exhibition of them later in Paris if they did not take here. He was very sorry to see that Eugene was in poor health and urged him to take care of himself.
Now that he had stepped into the spotlight of public attention—now that artists, critics, and writers somewhat knew about him and were occasionally curious about what he was doing—he needed to put in a special effort to prove to the public that his art had lasting value. He was relieved, once he realized he was facing a tough period, that he had nearly completed his Paris drawings before the storm hit. By the day he felt the strange nervousness that marked the beginning of his real decline, he had finished twenty-two paintings, which Angela urged him not to alter; and through sheer willpower, despite his serious doubts, he managed to finish five more. M. Charles came to see all of these from time to time, and he highly approved of them. However, he wasn't so sure they would attract as much interest as the American paintings, for after all, the city of Paris had been depicted repeatedly in illustrations and genre work. It wasn’t as fresh as New York; the subjects Eugene chose weren't as unconventional. Still, he could honestly say they were outstanding. They might try exhibiting them later in Paris if they didn’t catch on here. He was very sorry to see that Eugene was in poor health and urged him to take care of himself.
It seemed as if some malign planetary influence were affecting him. Eugene knew of astrology and palmistry and one day, in a spirit of curiosity and vague apprehensiveness, consulted a practitioner of the former, receiving for his dollar the statement that he was destined to great fame in either art or literature but that he was entering a period of stress which would endure for a number of years. Eugene's spirits sank perceptibly. The musty old gentleman who essayed his books of astrological lore shook his head. He had a rather noble growth of white hair and a white beard, but his coffee-stained vest was covered with tobacco ash and his collar and cuffs were dirty.
It felt like some negative cosmic force was influencing him. Eugene knew about astrology and palm reading, and one day, feeling curious and a bit uneasy, he consulted an astrologer. For his dollar, he was told he was destined for great fame in either the arts or literature but was entering a tough period that would last for several years. Eugene's mood noticeably dropped. The stuffy old man who was going through his books of astrological wisdom shook his head. He had a rather impressive mane of white hair and a white beard, but his coffee-stained vest was covered in tobacco ash, and his collar and cuffs were dirty.
"It looks pretty bad between your twenty-eighth and your thirty-second years, but after that there is a notable period of prosperity. Somewhere around your thirty-eighth or thirty-ninth year there is some more trouble—a little—but you will come out of that—that is, it looks as though you would. Your stars show you to be of a nervous, imaginative character, inclined to worry; and I see that your kidneys are weak. You ought never to take much medicine. Your sign is inclined to that but it is without benefit to you. You will be married twice, but I don't see any children."
"It looks pretty bad between your twenty-eighth and thirty-second years, but after that, there’s a significant period of prosperity. Around your thirty-eighth or thirty-ninth year, there’s a bit more trouble—but you’ll get through it—that is, it seems likely you will. Your stars indicate you have a nervous, imaginative personality and tend to worry; also, I see that your kidneys are weak. You should avoid taking too much medicine. Your sign tends to that, but it won’t help you. You’ll get married twice, but I don’t see any children."
He rambled on dolefully and Eugene left in great gloom. So it was written in the stars that he was to suffer a period of decline and there was to be more trouble for him in the future. But he did see a period of great success for him between his thirty-second and his thirty-eighth years. That was some comfort. Who was the second woman he was to marry? Was Angela going to die? He walked the streets this early December afternoon, thinking, thinking.
He went on sadly, and Eugene left feeling very down. It seemed fated that he would go through a tough time, and more trouble was ahead for him. However, he did anticipate a time of great success between his thirty-second and thirty-eighth years. That was a bit of comfort. Who was the second woman he was meant to marry? Was Angela going to die? He walked the streets on this early December afternoon, lost in thought.
The Blue family had heard a great deal of Eugene's success since Angela had come to New York. There had never been a week but at least one letter, and sometimes two, had gone the rounds of the various members of the family. It was written to Marietta primarily, but Mrs. Blue, Jotham, the boys and the several sisters all received it by turns. Thus the whole regiment of Blue connections knew exactly how it was with Angela and even better than it was; for although things had looked prosperous [Pg 254] enough, Angela had not stayed within the limits of bare fact in describing her husband's success. She added atmosphere, not fictitious, but the seeming glory which dwelt in her mind, until the various connections of the Blue family, Marietta in particular, were convinced that there was nothing but dignity and bliss in store for the wife of so talented a man. The studio life which Angela had seen, here and in Paris, the picturesque descriptions which came home from London and Paris, the personalities of M. Charles, M. Arkquin, Isaac Wertheim, Henry L. Tomlins, Luke Severas—all the celebrities whom they met, both in New York and abroad, had been described at length. There was not a dinner, a luncheon, a reception, a tea party, which was not pictured in all its native colors and more. Eugene had become somewhat of a demi-god to his Western connections. The quality of his art was never questioned. It was only a little time now before he would be rich or at least well-to-do.
The Blue family had heard a lot about Eugene's success since Angela moved to New York. There wasn’t a week that went by without at least one letter, and sometimes two, making the rounds among the family members. The letters were primarily addressed to Marietta, but Mrs. Blue, Jotham, the boys, and the several sisters took turns reading them. This way, the entire Blue clan was kept in the loop about Angela’s life—and perhaps even had a bit of an inflated view of it; even though things seemed to be going well, Angela didn’t stick to just the basic facts when talking about her husband’s success. She added an aura, not fake, but the charming glory that existed in her mind, convincing her family, especially Marietta, that nothing but dignity and happiness awaited the wife of such a talented man. The studio life Angela had experienced, both here and in Paris, the vivid accounts from London and Paris, the personalities of M. Charles, M. Arkquin, Isaac Wertheim, Henry L. Tomlins, Luke Severas—all the celebrities they met, both in New York and overseas, had been described in detail. Every dinner, luncheon, reception, and tea party was vividly painted. Eugene had become somewhat of a demi-god to his family back West. No one questioned the quality of his art. It wouldn’t be long before he would be rich, or at least well-off.
All the relatives hoped that he would bring Angela home some day on a visit. To think that she should have married such a distinguished man!
All the relatives hoped that he would bring Angela home someday for a visit. Can you believe she married such a notable guy?
In the Witla family it was quite the same. Eugene had not been home to see his parents since his last visit to Blackwood, but they had not been without news. For one thing, Eugene had been neglectful, and somewhat because of this Angela had taken it upon herself to open up a correspondence with his mother. She wrote that of course she didn't know her but that she was terribly fond of Eugene, that she hoped to make him a good wife and that she hoped to make her a satisfactory daughter-in-law. Eugene was so dilatory about writing. She would write for him now and his mother should hear every week. She asked if she and her husband couldn't manage to come and see them sometime. She would be so glad and it would do Eugene so much good. She asked if she couldn't have Myrtle's address—they had moved from Ottumwa—and if Sylvia wouldn't write occasionally. She sent a picture of herself and Eugene, a sketch of the studio which Eugene had made one day, a sketch of herself looking pensively out of the window into Washington Square. Pictures from his first show published in the newspapers, accounts of his work, criticisms,—all reached the members of both families impartially and they were kept well aware of how things were going.
In the Witla family, it was pretty much the same. Eugene hadn’t been home to see his parents since his last visit to Blackwood, but they hadn’t been out of the loop. For one, Eugene had been neglectful, and because of that, Angela decided to start writing to his mother. She mentioned that she didn’t know her, but that she was really fond of Eugene, that she hoped to be a good wife for him and that she aimed to be a satisfactory daughter-in-law. Eugene was so slow about writing. She would write for him now, and his mother should hear from her every week. She asked if she and her husband could come and visit sometime. She would be so happy, and it would do Eugene a lot of good. She also asked if she could have Myrtle’s new address since they had moved from Ottumwa, and if Sylvia could write occasionally. She sent a picture of herself and Eugene, a sketch of the studio that Eugene had made one day, and a sketch of herself looking thoughtfully out of the window into Washington Square. Pictures from his first show published in the newspapers, stories about his work, reviews—all reached both families equally, keeping them well informed about how everything was going.
During the time that Eugene was feeling so badly and because, if he were going to lose his health, it might be necessary to economize greatly, it occurred to Angela that it might be [Pg 255] advisable for them to go home for a visit. While her family were not rich, they had sufficient means to live on. Eugene's mother also was constantly writing, wanting to know why they didn't come out there for a while. She could not see why Eugene could not paint his pictures as well in Alexandria as in New York or Paris. Eugene listened to this willingly, for it occurred to him that instead of going to London he might do Chicago next, and he and Angela could stay awhile at Blackwood and another while at his own home. They would be welcome guests.
During the time when Eugene was feeling so unwell, and because he might need to save a lot if he was going to lose his health, Angela thought it might be a good idea for them to go home for a visit. While her family wasn’t wealthy, they had enough money to get by. Eugene's mother was also always writing, asking why they didn't come out there for a while. She couldn’t understand why Eugene couldn’t paint his pictures just as well in Alexandria as in New York or Paris. Eugene listened to this with an open mind, as it occurred to him that instead of going to London, he might go to Chicago next, and he and Angela could spend some time at Blackwood and then some time at his own home. They would be welcomed guests.
The condition of his finances at this time was not exactly bad, but it was not very good. Of the thirteen hundred dollars he had received for the first three pictures sold, eleven hundred had been used on the foreign trip. He had since used three hundred dollars of his remaining capital of twelve hundred, but M. Charles' sale of two pictures at four hundred each had swelled his bank balance to seventeen hundred dollars; however, on this he had to live now until additional pictures were disposed of. He daily hoped to hear of additional sales, but none occurred.
The state of his finances wasn't terrible, but it wasn't great either. Out of the $1,300 he earned from the first three pictures sold, he spent $1,100 on an overseas trip. He then used $300 of his remaining $1,200, but M. Charles' sale of two pictures for $400 each boosted his bank balance to $1,700; however, he needed to live off this amount until he sold more pictures. He hoped every day to hear about more sales, but none came through.
Moreover, his exhibition in January did not produce quite the impression he thought it would. It was fascinating to look at; the critics and the public imagined that by now he must have created a following for himself, else why should M. Charles make a feature of his work. But Charles pointed out that these foreign studies could not hope to appeal to Americans as did the American things. He indicated that they might take better in France. Eugene was depressed by the general tone of the opinions, but this was due more to his unhealthy state of mind than to any inherent reason for feeling so. There was still Paris to try and there might be some sales of his work here. The latter were slow in materializing, however, and because by February he had not been able to work and because it was necessary that he should husband his resources as carefully as possible, he decided to accept Angela's family's invitation as well as that of his own parents and spend some time in Illinois and Wisconsin. Perhaps his health would become better. He decided also that, if his health permitted, he would work in Chicago.
Moreover, his exhibition in January didn’t make the impact he expected. It was captivating to see; the critics and the public thought that by now he must have established a following, otherwise why would M. Charles showcase his work? But Charles pointed out that these foreign studies wouldn’t resonate with Americans the same way American art did. He suggested they might be more appreciated in France. Eugene felt down about the overall feedback, but that was more linked to his troubled state of mind than any real reason to feel that way. There was still Paris to explore, and there might be some sales of his work there. However, those sales were slow to come, and since by February he hadn’t been able to work and needed to manage his resources as wisely as possible, he decided to accept invitations from Angela's family and his own parents to spend some time in Illinois and Wisconsin. Maybe his health would improve. He also resolved that if he felt well enough, he would work in Chicago.
CHAPTER XI
It was in packing the trunks and leaving the studio in Washington Square (owing to the continued absence of Mr. Dexter they had never been compelled to vacate it) that Angela came across the first evidence of Eugene's duplicity. Because of his peculiar indifference to everything except matters which related to his art, he had put the letters which he had received in times past from Christina Channing, as well as the one and only one from Ruby Kenny, in a box which had formerly contained writing paper and which he threw carelessly in a corner of his trunk. He had by this time forgotten all about them, though his impression was that he had placed them somewhere where they would not be found. When Angela started to lay out the various things which occupied it she came across this box and opening it took out the letters.
It was while packing the trunks and leaving the studio in Washington Square (since Mr. Dexter's ongoing absence kept them from having to vacate it) that Angela discovered the first signs of Eugene's deceit. Due to his strange indifference to everything except his art, he had tossed the letters he received in the past from Christina Channing, along with the one and only letter from Ruby Kenny, into a box that used to hold writing paper, and carelessly shoved it into a corner of his trunk. By this point, he had forgotten all about them, believing he had tucked them away somewhere safe. As Angela began to sort through the various items in the trunk, she stumbled upon this box and, upon opening it, pulled out the letters.
Curiosity as to things relative to Eugene was at this time the dominant characteristic of her life. She could neither think nor reason outside of this relationship which bound her to him. He and his affairs were truly the sum and substance of her existence. She looked at the letters oddly and then opened one—the first from Christina. It was dated Florizel, the summer of three years before when she was waiting so patiently for him at Blackwood. It began conservatively enough—"Dear E—," but it concerned itself immediately with references to an apparently affectionate relationship. "I went this morning to see if by chance there were any tell-tale evidences of either Diana or Adonis in Arcady. There were none of importance. A hairpin or two, a broken mother-of-pearl button from a summer waist, the stub of a lead-pencil wherewith a certain genius sketched. The trees seemed just as unconscious of any nymphs or hamadryads as they could be. The smooth grass was quite unruffled of any feet. It is strange how much the trees and forest know and keep their counsel.
Curiosity about everything related to Eugene was the main focus of her life at that moment. She couldn’t think or reason beyond the connection that tied her to him. He and his life were truly the heart of her existence. She looked at the letters strangely and then opened one—the first from Christina. It was dated Florizel, from the summer three years ago when she was waiting so patiently for him at Blackwood. It started off somewhat formally—"Dear E—," but quickly turned to discussions about what seemed like a warm relationship. "I went this morning to see if there were any signs of either Diana or Adonis in Arcady. There were none of any significance. A hairpin or two, a broken mother-of-pearl button from a summer dress, the stub of a pencil that a certain genius sketched with. The trees seemed completely unaware of any nymphs or hamadryads. The smooth grass showed no signs of any footprints. It’s odd how much the trees and forest know and keep to themselves.
"And how is the hot city by now? Do you miss a certain evenly-swung hammock? Oh, the odor of leaves and the dew! Don't work too hard. You have an easy future and almost too much vitality. More repose for you, sir, and considerably more optimism of thought. I send you good wishes.—Diana."
"And how's the hot city these days? Do you miss a certain gently swaying hammock? Oh, the smell of leaves and the dew! Don’t work too hard. You have a bright future ahead of you and almost too much energy. More relaxation for you, sir, and a lot more positive thoughts. I'm sending you my best wishes.—Diana."
Angela wondered at once who Diana was, for before she had begun the letter she had looked for the signature on the succeeding [Pg 257] page. Then after reading this she hurried feverishly from letter to letter, seeking a name. There was none. "Diana of the Mountains," "The Hamadryad," "The Wood-Nymph," "C," "C C"—so they ran, confusing, badgering, enraging her until all at once it came to light—her first name at least. It was on the letter from Baltimore suggesting that he come to Florizel—"Christina."
Angela immediately wondered who Diana was, because before she started the letter, she had checked the signature on the next [Pg 257] page. After reading it, she rushed frantically from letter to letter, looking for a name. There was none. "Diana of the Mountains," "The Hamadryad," "The Wood-Nymph," "C," "C C"—these names kept coming, confusing, annoying, and infuriating her until suddenly it was revealed—at least her first name. It was on the letter from Baltimore suggesting he come to Florizel—"Christina."
"Ah," she thought, "Christina! That is her name." Then she hurried back to read the remaining epistles, hoping to find some clue to her surname. They were all of the same character, in the manner of writing she despised,—top-lofty, make-believe, the nasty, hypocritical, cant and make-believe superiority of the studios. How Angela hated her from that moment. How she could have taken her by the throat and beaten her head against the trees she described. Oh, the horrid creature! How dare she! And Eugene—how could he! What a way to reward her love! What an answer to make to all her devotion! At the very time when she was waiting so patiently, he was in the mountains with this Diana. And here she was packing his trunk for him like the little slave that she was when he cared so little, had apparently cared so little all this time. How could he ever have cared for her and done anything like this! He didn't! He never had! Dear Heaven!
"Ah," she thought, "Christina! That's her name." Then she rushed back to read the rest of the letters, hoping to find a hint about her last name. They were all written in the same style, the kind of writing she hated—pretentious, fake, the disgusting, hypocritical superiority of the art world. How Angela loathed her from that moment. She could have grabbed her by the throat and smashed her head against the trees she talked about. Oh, that awful person! How dare she! And Eugene—how could he! What a way to repay her love! What a response to all her devotion! Just when she was waiting so patiently, he was in the mountains with this Diana. And here she was, packing his suitcase for him like the little servant she was while he cared so little, apparently had cared so little all this time. How could he have ever cared for her and done something like this? He didn't! He never had! Dear God!
She began clenching and unclenching her hands dramatically, working herself into that frenzy of emotion and regret which was her most notable characteristic. All at once she stopped. There was another letter in another handwriting on cheaper paper. "Ruby" was the signature.
She started clenching and unclenching her hands dramatically, getting herself into that intense state of emotion and regret that was her most defining trait. Then, suddenly, she stopped. There was another letter in different handwriting on lower-quality paper. "Ruby" was the signature.
"Dear Eugene:"—she read—"I got your note several weeks ago, but I couldn't bring myself to answer it before this. I know everything is over between us and that is all right I suppose. It has to be. You couldn't love any woman long, I think. I know what you say about having to go to New York to broaden your field is true. You ought to, but I'm sorry you didn't come out. You might have. Still I don't blame you, Eugene. It isn't much different from what has been going on for some time. I have cared, but I'll get over that, I know, and I won't ever think hard of you. Won't you return me the notes I have sent you from time to time, and my picture? You won't want them now.—Ruby."
"Dear Eugene," she read, "I got your note a few weeks ago, but I just couldn’t bring myself to reply until now. I know everything is over between us, and I guess that’s okay. It has to be. I don’t think you could love any woman for long. What you said about needing to go to New York to expand your opportunities is true. You really should, but I’m sorry you didn’t come out. You could have. Still, I don’t blame you, Eugene. It’s not much different from what’s been happening for a while. I have cared, but I know I’ll get over it, and I won’t hold anything against you. Could you please return the notes I’ve sent you over time and my picture? You probably don’t want them anymore. —Ruby."
"I stood by the window last night and looked out on the street. The moon was shining and those dead trees were waving in the wind. I saw the moon on that pool of water over in the field. It looked like silver. Oh, Eugene, I wish that I were dead."
"I stood by the window last night and looked out at the street. The moon was shining, and those bare trees were swaying in the wind. I saw the moon reflected in that puddle over in the field. It looked like silver. Oh, Eugene, I wish I were dead."
[Pg 258] Angela got up (as Eugene had) when she read this. The pathos struck home, for somehow it matched her own. Ruby! Who was she? Where had she been concealed while she, Angela, was coming to Chicago? Was this the fall and winter of their engagement? It certainly was. Look at the date. He had given her the diamond ring on her finger that fall! He had sworn eternal affection! He had sworn there was never another girl like her in all the world and yet, at that very time, he was apparently paying court to this woman if nothing worse. Heaven! Could anything like this really be? He was telling her that he loved her and making love to this Ruby at the same time. He was kissing and fondling her and Ruby too!! Was there ever such a situation? He, Eugene Witla, to deceive her this way. No wonder he wanted to get rid of her when he came to New York. He would have treated her as he had this Ruby. And Christina! This Christina!! Where was she? Who was she? What was she doing now? She jumped up prepared to go to Eugene and charge him with his iniquities, but remembered that he was out of the studio—that he had gone for a walk. He was sick now, very sick. Would she dare to reproach him with these reprehensible episodes?
[Pg 258] Angela got up (just like Eugene had) when she read this. The emotions hit hard, as they somehow mirrored her own. Ruby! Who was she? Where had she been hiding while Angela was coming to Chicago? Was this the fall and winter of their engagement? It sure was. Look at the date. He had given her the diamond ring on her finger that fall! He had promised eternal love! He had claimed there was no other girl like her in the world, and yet, at that very moment, he was apparently wooing this woman if not something worse. Oh my! Could this really be happening? He was telling her that he loved her while also being intimate with Ruby at the same time. He was kissing and touching her and Ruby too!! Was there ever a situation like this? He, Eugene Witla, deceiving her like this. No wonder he wanted to get rid of her when he came to New York. He would have treated her the same way he treated Ruby. And Christina! This Christina!! Where was she? Who was she? What was she doing now? She jumped up, ready to go to Eugene and confront him about his wrongdoings, but then remembered that he was out of the studio—that he had gone for a walk. He was sick now, very sick. Would she really confront him about these awful episodes?
She came back to the trunk where she was working and sat down. Her eyes were hard and cold for the time, but at the same time there was a touch of terror and of agonized affection. A face that, in the ordinary lines of its repose, was very much like that of a madonna, was now drawn and peaked and gray. Apparently Christina had forsaken him, or it might be that they still corresponded secretly. She got up again at that thought. Still the letters were old. It looked as though all communication had ceased two years ago. What had he written to her?—love notes. Letters full of wooing phrases such as he had written to her. Oh, the instability of men, the insincerity, the lack of responsibility and sense of duty. Her father,—what a different man he was; her brothers,—their word was their bond. And here was she married to a man who, even in the days of his most ardent wooing, had been deceiving her. She had let him lead her astray, too,—disgrace her own home. Tears came after a while, hot, scalding tears that seared her cheeks. And now she was married to him and he was sick and she would have to make the best of it. She wanted to make the best of it, for after all she loved him.
She returned to the trunk where she was working and sat down. Her eyes were hard and cold for the moment, but at the same time there was a hint of fear and deep affection. A face that usually resembled that of a madonna was now drawn, pale, and gray. It seemed that Christina had abandoned him, or perhaps they were still secretly communicating. That thought made her get up again. Still, the letters were old. It looked like all communication had stopped two years ago. What had he written to her?—love notes. Letters full of romantic phrases just like those he had written to her. Oh, the instability of men, the insincerity, the lack of responsibility and duty. Her father—what a different man he was; her brothers—their word was their bond. And here she was married to a man who, even during his most passionate courtship, had been deceiving her. She had let him mislead her, too—bringing shame to her own home. Tears came eventually, hot, scalding tears that burned her cheeks. And now she was married to him and he was sick, and she would have to make the best of it. She wanted to make the best of it, because after all, she loved him.
But oh, the cruelty, the insincerity, the unkindness, the brutality of it all.
But wow, the cruelty, the insincerity, the unkindness, the brutality of it all.
The fact that Eugene was out for several hours following [Pg 259] her discovery gave her ample time to reflect as to a suitable course of action. Being so impressed by the genius of the man, as imposed upon her by the opinion of others and her own affection, she could not readily think of anything save some method of ridding her soul of this misery and him of his evil tendencies, of making him ashamed of his wretched career, of making him see how badly he had treated her and how sorry he ought to be. She wanted him to feel sorry, very sorry, so that he would be a long time repenting in suffering, but she feared at the same time that she could not make him do that. He was so ethereal, so indifferent, so lost in the contemplation of life that he could not be made to think of her. That was her one complaint. He had other gods before her—the god of his art, the god of nature, the god of people as a spectacle. Frequently she had complained to him in this last year—"you don't love me! you don't love me!" but he would answer, "oh, yes I do. I can't be talking to you all the time, Angel-face. I have work to do. My art has to be cultivated. I can't be making love all the time."
The fact that Eugene was out for several hours after [Pg 259] her discovery gave her plenty of time to think about what to do next. She was so impressed by his brilliance, influenced by what others said and her own feelings for him, that she could only think about how to free herself from this pain and him from his bad habits, to make him feel ashamed of his pathetic choices, to help him see how poorly he had treated her and how remorseful he should be. She wanted him to truly feel regret, so much so that he would spend a long time contemplating his suffering, but she also worried that she couldn’t make him do that. He was so otherworldly, so indifferent, so absorbed in contemplating life that he couldn’t be made to think of her. That was her main complaint. He had other priorities besides her—the priority of his art, the priority of nature, the priority of people as entertainment. Over the past year, she often told him, “You don’t love me! You don’t love me!” but he would reply, “Oh, yes I do. I can’t talk to you all the time, Angel-face. I have work to do. My art needs to be nurtured. I can’t be in love all the time.”
"Oh, it isn't that, it isn't that!" she would exclaim passionately. "You just don't love me, like you ought to. You just don't care. If you did I'd feel it."
"Oh, that's not it, that's not it!" she would exclaim passionately. "You just don't love me the way you should. You just don't care. If you did, I would feel it."
"Oh, Angela," he answered, "why do you talk so? Why do you carry on so? You're the funniest girl I ever knew. Now be reasonable. Why don't you bring a little philosophy to bear? We can't be billing and cooing all the time!"
"Oh, Angela," he replied, "why do you talk like that? Why do you go on so much? You're the funniest girl I've ever met. Now, be sensible. Why don't you try to be a bit more philosophical? We can't just be all romantic all the time!"
"Billing and cooing! That's the way you think of it. That's the way you talk of it! As though it were something you had to do. Oh, I hate love! I hate life! I hate philosophy! I wish I could die."
"Making lovey-dovey noises! That's how you see it. That's how you talk about it! Like it's something you have to do. Ugh, I hate love! I hate life! I hate philosophy! I wish I could just die."
"Now, Angela, for Heaven's sake, why will you take on so? I can't stand this. I can't stand these tantrums of yours. They're not reasonable. You know I love you. Why, haven't I shown it? Why should I have married you if I didn't? I wasn't obliged to marry you!"
"Now, Angela, for goodness' sake, why are you putting yourself through this? I can't take it anymore. I can't deal with these outbursts of yours. They're not fair. You know I love you. Haven't I shown you? Why would I have married you if I didn't? I wasn't obligated to marry you!"
"Oh, dear! oh, dear!" Angela would sob on, wringing her hands. "Oh, you really don't love me! You don't care! And it will go on this way, getting worse and worse, with less and less of love and feeling until after awhile you won't even want to see me any more—you'll hate me! Oh, dear! oh, dear!"
"Oh, no! Oh, no!" Angela cried, wringing her hands. "You really don’t love me! You don’t care! It’s just going to get worse and worse, with less and less love and feeling, until eventually you won’t even want to see me anymore—you’ll hate me! Oh, no! Oh, no!"
Eugene felt keenly the pathos involved in this picture of decaying love. In fact, her fear of the disaster which might overtake her little bark of happiness was sufficiently well founded. It might be that his affection would cease—it wasn't even affection now in the true sense of the word,—a passionate intellectual [Pg 260] desire for her companionship. He never had really loved her for her mind, the beauty of her thoughts. As he meditated he realized that he had never reached an understanding with her by an intellectual process at all. It was emotional, subconscious, a natural drawing together which was not based on reason and spirituality of contemplation apparently, but on grosser emotions and desires. Physical desire had been involved—strong, raging, uncontrollable. And for some reason he had always felt sorry for her—he always had. She was so little, so conscious of disaster, so afraid of life and what it might do to her. It was a shame to wreck her hopes and desires. At the same time he was sorry now for this bondage he had let himself into—this yoke which he had put about his neck. He could have done so much better. He might have married a woman of wealth or a woman with artistic perceptions and philosophic insight like Christina Channing, who would be peaceful and happy with him. Angela couldn't be. He really didn't admire her enough, couldn't fuss over her enough. Even while he was soothing her in these moments, trying to make her believe that there was no basis for her fears, sympathizing with her subconscious intuitions that all was not well, he was thinking of how different his life might have been.
Eugene felt deeply the sadness in this image of love fading away. Her worry about the disaster that could strike her little boat of happiness was completely justified. It was possible that his affection would fade—it wasn't even true affection anymore, just a passionate intellectual desire for her company. He had never really loved her for her mind, for the beauty of her thoughts. As he thought about it, he realized he had never connected with her through intellectual means at all. It was emotional, subconscious, a natural attraction that wasn’t grounded in reason and spiritual contemplation, but in rougher emotions and desires. Physical desire was definitely part of it—strong, intense, uncontrollable. And for some reason, he had always felt pity for her—he always had. She was so small, so aware of disaster, so afraid of life and what it could do to her. It seemed unfair to destroy her hopes and dreams. At the same time, he felt regret for the situation he had put himself in—this burden he had taken on. He could have done so much better. He might have married a wealthy woman or someone with artistic sensibilities and philosophical insight like Christina Channing, who would be content and happy with him. Angela couldn’t be. He really didn’t admire her enough; he couldn’t care for her enough. Even while he was comforting her in those moments, trying to make her feel that her fears were unfounded, empathizing with her gut feelings that something was off, he was thinking about how different his life could have been.
"It won't end that way," he would soothe. "Don't cry. Come now, don't cry. We're going to be very happy. I'm going to love you always, just as I'm loving you now, and you're going to love me. Won't that be all right? Come on, now. Cheer up. Don't be so pessimistic. Come on, Angela. Please do. Please!"
"It won't end like that," he would reassure her. "Don't cry. Come on, don't cry. We're going to be really happy. I'm going to love you forever, just like I love you now, and you're going to love me too. Won't that be good? Come on, now. Cheer up. Don't be so negative. Come on, Angela. Please do. Please!"
Angela would brighten after a time, but there were spells of apprehension and gloom; they were common, apt to burst forth like a summer storm when neither of them was really expecting it.
Angela would eventually cheer up, but there were times of worry and sadness; they were frequent, tending to erupt like a summer storm when neither of them was really expecting it.
The discovery of these letters now checked the feeling, with which she tried to delude herself at times, that there might be anything more than kindness here. They confirmed her suspicions that there was not and brought on that sense of defeat and despair which so often and so tragically overcame her. It did it at a time, too, when Eugene needed her undivided consideration and feeling, for he was in a wretched state of mind. To have her quarrel with him now, lose her temper, fly into rages and compel him to console her, was very trying. He was in no mood for it; could not very well endure it without injury to himself. He was seeking for an atmosphere of joyousness, wishing to find a cheerful optimism somewhere which would pull [Pg 261] him out of himself and make him whole. Not infrequently he dropped in to see Norma Whitmore, Isadora Crane, who was getting along very well on the stage, Hedda Andersen, who had a natural charm of intellect with much vivacity, even though she was a model, and now and then Miriam Finch. The latter was glad to see him alone, almost as a testimony against Angela, though she would not go out of her way to conceal from Angela the fact that he had been there. The others, though he said nothing, assumed that since Angela did not come with him he wanted nothing said and observed his wish. They were inclined to think that he had made a matrimonial mistake and was possibly artistically or intellectually lonely. All of them noted his decline in health with considerate apprehension and sorrow. It was too bad, they thought, if his health was going to fail him just at this time. Eugene lived in fear lest Angela should become aware of any of these visits. He thought he could not tell her because in the first place she would resent his not having taken her with him; and in the next, if he had proposed it first, she would have objected, or set another date, or asked pointless questions. He liked the liberty of going where he pleased, saying nothing, not feeling it necessary to say anything. He longed for the freedom of his old pre-matrimonial days. Just at this time, because he could not work artistically and because he was in need of diversion and of joyous artistic palaver, he was especially miserable. Life seemed very dark and ugly.
The discovery of these letters stopped her from convincing herself that there might be anything more than friendship involved. They confirmed her fears that there wasn’t, leading to a feeling of defeat and despair that often overwhelmed her. This was especially hard because Eugene needed her full attention and support, as he was in a terrible state of mind. Having her argue with him, lose her temper, and demand his comfort was very stressful for him. He wasn’t in the mood for it and couldn’t handle it without hurting himself. He was looking for a cheerful environment, hoping to find some optimism that would lift him out of his misery and make him feel whole again. Frequently, he visited Norma Whitmore, Isadora Crane, who was doing well on stage, Hedda Andersen, who had a natural charm and vivacity even as a model, and occasionally Miriam Finch. Miriam was happy to see him alone, almost as a way to spite Angela, though she wouldn’t hide from Angela that he had been there. The others assumed that since Angela wasn’t with him, he wanted to keep things quiet and respected his wishes without asking questions. They suspected he had made a mistake in marrying and was possibly feeling artistically or intellectually isolated. They all noticed with concern and sadness his declining health. It was unfortunate, they thought, that his health might fail him at such a challenging time. Eugene was anxious that Angela would find out about these visits. He felt he couldn’t tell her because she would be upset that he hadn’t taken her along; and if he had suggested it, she would have objected, set another date, or asked unnecessary questions. He enjoyed the freedom of going where he wanted without feeling the need to explain himself. He missed the freedom of his pre-marital days. At that moment, because he couldn’t work creatively and needed some distraction and joyful conversation about art, he felt particularly miserable. Life seemed very dark and ugly.
Eugene, returning and feeling, as usual, depressed about his state, sought to find consolation in her company. He came in at one o'clock, their usual lunch hour, and finding Angela still working, said, "George! but you like to keep at things when you get started, don't you? You're a regular little work-horse. Having much trouble?"
Eugene, coming back and feeling, as always, down about his situation, tried to find comfort in her presence. He arrived at one o'clock, their usual lunch time, and seeing Angela still working, said, "George! You really like to dive into things once you start, don’t you? You’re quite the little workhorse. Having a lot of trouble?"
"No-o," replied Angela, dubiously.
"No," replied Angela, skeptically.
Eugene noted the tone of her voice. He thought she was not very strong and this packing was getting on her nerves. Fortunately there were only some trunks to look after, for the vast mass of their housekeeping materials belonged to the studio. Still no doubt she was weary.
Eugene noticed the tone of her voice. He thought she wasn't very strong and that this packing was stressing her out. Fortunately, there were only a few trunks to tend to, since most of their household items belonged to the studio. Still, she was definitely tired.
"Are you very tired?" he asked.
"Are you really tired?" he asked.
"No-o," she replied.
"No," she replied.
"You look it," he said, slipping his arm about her. Her face, which he turned up with his hand, was pale and drawn.
"You look it," he said, wrapping his arm around her. Her face, which he tilted up with his hand, was pale and tense.
"It isn't anything physical," she replied, looking away from him in a tragic way. "It's just my heart. It's here!" and she laid her hand over her heart.
"It’s not anything physical," she said, turning her gaze away from him sadly. "It’s just my heart. It’s right here!" and she placed her hand over her heart.
[Pg 262] "What's the matter now?" he asked, suspecting something emotional, though for the life of him he could not imagine what. "Does your heart hurt you?"
[Pg 262] "What's wrong now?" he asked, sensing something was bothering her, even though he couldn’t figure out what it was. "Is your heart hurting?"
"It isn't my real heart," she returned, "it's just my mind, my feelings; though I don't suppose they ought to matter."
"It’s not my true heart,” she replied, “it’s just my mind, my feelings; but I guess they shouldn’t matter."
"What's the matter now, Angel-face," he persisted, for he was sorry for her. This emotional ability of hers had the power to move him. It might have been acting, or it might not have been. It might be either a real or a fancied woe;—in either case it was real to her. "What's come up?" he continued. "Aren't you just tired? Suppose we quit this and go out somewhere and get something to eat. You'll feel better."
"What's wrong now, Angel-face?" he asked, because he felt sorry for her. Her ability to express emotions really affected him. It could have been an act or it might have been genuine. Whether it was true or imagined pain, it was real to her. "What’s going on?" he pressed. "Are you just tired? How about we wrap this up and go out to eat? You'll feel better."
"No, I couldn't eat," she replied. "I'll stop now and get your lunch, but I don't want anything."
"No, I can't eat," she said. "I'll stop now and get your lunch, but I don't want anything."
"Oh, what's the matter, Angela?" he begged. "I know there's something. Now what is it? You're tired, or you're sick, or something has happened. Is it anything that I have done? Look at me! Is it?"
"Oh, what's wrong, Angela?" he urged. "I can tell something's bothering you. So, what is it? Are you tired, or feeling unwell, or did something happen? Did I do something? Just look at me! Is it?"
Angela held away from him, looking down. She did not know how to begin this but she wanted to make him terribly sorry if she could, as sorry as she was for herself. She thought he ought to be; that if he had any true feeling of shame and sympathy in him he would be. Her own condition in the face of his shameless past was terrible. She had no one to love her. She had no one to turn to. Her own family did not understand her life any more—it had changed so. She was a different woman now, greater, more important, more distinguished. Her experiences with Eugene here in New York, in Paris, in London and even before her marriage, in Chicago and Blackwood, had changed her point of view. She was no longer the same in her ideas, she thought, and to find herself deserted in this way emotionally—not really loved, not ever having been really loved but just toyed with, made a doll and a plaything, was terrible.
Angela kept her distance from him, looking down. She didn’t know how to start this, but she wanted him to feel as awful as she did, maybe even more. She believed he should feel that way; if he truly had any sense of shame and empathy, he would. Her situation, faced with his unrepentant past, was horrible. She had no one to love her. She had no one to turn to. Her family didn’t understand her life anymore—it had changed so much. She was a different woman now, stronger, more important, more distinguished. Her experiences with Eugene here in New York, in Paris, in London, and even before her marriage, in Chicago and Blackwood, had shifted her perspective. She felt like she wasn’t the same in her beliefs anymore and to find herself abandoned like this emotionally—not really loved, never truly loved but just played with, made into a doll and a plaything, was devastating.
"Oh, dear!" she exclaimed in a shrill staccato, "I don't know what to do! I don't know what to say! I don't know what to think! If I only knew how to think or what to do!"
"Oh, no!" she shouted in a sharp tone, "I don't know what to do! I don't know what to say! I don't know what to think! If only I knew how to think or what to do!"
"What's the matter?" begged Eugene, releasing his hold and turning his thoughts partially to himself and his own condition as well as to hers. His nerves were put on edge by these emotional tantrums—his brain fairly ached. It made his hands tremble. In his days of physical and nervous soundness it did not matter, but now, when he was sick, when his own heart was weak, as he fancied, and his nerves set to jangling by the least discord, it was almost more than he could bear. "Why don't [Pg 263] you speak?" he insisted. "You know I can't stand this. I'm in no condition. What's the trouble? What's the use of carrying on this way? Are you going to tell me?"
"What's wrong?" Eugene pleaded, letting go of his hold and starting to focus on himself and his own situation as well as hers. The emotional outbursts were fraying his nerves—his head was pounding. His hands were shaking. When he was physically and mentally well, it didn't matter, but now, feeling sick and thinking his heart was weak, and with his nerves rattled by the slightest disturbance, it was almost more than he could handle. "Why don't you talk?" he pressed. "You know I can't deal with this. I'm not in good shape. What's going on? What's the point of acting like this? Are you going to tell me?"
"There!" Angela said, pointing her finger at the box of letters she had laid aside on the window-sill. She knew he would see them, would remember instantly what they were about.
"There!" Angela said, pointing her finger at the box of letters she had set aside on the windowsill. She knew he would see them and instantly remember what they were about.
Eugene looked. The box came to his memory instantly. He picked it up nervously, sheepishly, for this was like a blow in the face which he had no power to resist. The whole peculiar nature of his transactions with Ruby and with Christina came back to him, not as they had looked to him at the time, but as they were appearing to Angela now. What must she think of him? Here he was protesting right along that he loved her, that he was happy and satisfied to live with her, that he was not interested in any of these other women whom she knew to be interested in him and of whom she was inordinately jealous, that he had always loved her and her only, and yet here were these letters suddenly come to light, giving the lie to all these protestations and asseverations—making him look like the coward, the blackguard, the moral thief that he knew himself to be. To be dragged out of the friendly darkness of lack of knowledge and understanding on her part and set forth under the clear white light of positive proof—he stared helplessly, his nerves trembling, his brain aching, for truly he was in no condition for an emotional argument.
Eugene looked. The box popped into his mind immediately. He picked it up nervously, awkwardly, because it felt like a slap in the face that he couldn’t fight against. The whole strange nature of his dealings with Ruby and Christina flooded back to him, not as he had perceived them at the time, but as they were now appearing to Angela. What must she think of him? Here he was insisting all along that he loved her, that he was happy and content to be with her, that he had no interest in the other women she knew were interested in him and whom she was unreasonably jealous of, that he had always loved her and only her, and yet here were these letters suddenly exposed, contradicting all his claims and reassurances—making him look like the coward, the scoundrel, the moral thief that he knew he was. To be pulled out of the comforting darkness of her ignorance and laid bare under the harsh white light of undeniable evidence—he stared helplessly, his nerves twitching, his mind throbbing, because he truly wasn’t in a state for an emotional argument.
And yet Angela was crying now. She had walked away from him and was leaning against the mantel-piece sobbing as if her heart would break. There was a real convincing ache in the sound—the vibration expressing the sense of loss and defeat and despair which she felt. He was staring at the box wondering why he had been such an idiot as to leave them in his trunk, to have saved them at all.
And yet Angela was crying now. She had walked away from him and was leaning against the mantelpiece, sobbing as if her heart would break. There was a genuine, convincing ache in the sound—the vibration expressing the sense of loss, defeat, and despair that she felt. He was staring at the box, wondering why he had been such an idiot to leave them in his trunk, to have saved them at all.
"Well, I don't know that there is anything to say to that," he observed finally, strolling over to where she was. There wasn't anything that he could say—that he knew. He was terribly sorry—sorry for her, sorry for himself. "Did you read them all?" he asked, curiously.
"Well, I’m not sure there’s anything to say about that," he said finally, walking over to her. There wasn’t anything he could say—that he knew. He felt really sorry—sorry for her, sorry for himself. "Did you read them all?" he asked, intrigued.
She nodded her head in the affirmative.
She nodded yes.
"Well, I didn't care so much for Christina Channing," he observed, deprecatingly. He wanted to say something, anything which would relieve her depressed mood. He knew it couldn't be much. If he could only make her believe that there wasn't anything vital in either of these affairs, that his interests and protestations had been of a light, philandering character. Still [Pg 264] the Ruby Kenny letter showed that she cared for him desperately. He could not say anything against Ruby.
"Honestly, I didn't think much of Christina Channing," he said, downplaying it. He wanted to say something—anything—that would lift her spirits. He knew it wouldn’t be much. If he could just make her believe that neither of these situations was a big deal, that his interests and claims were just casual and flirtatious. Still, [Pg 264] the Ruby Kenny letter made it clear that she was really into him. He couldn't say anything negative about Ruby.
Angela caught the name of Christina Channing clearly. It seared itself in her brain. She recalled now that it was she of whom she had heard him speak in a complimentary way from time to time. He had told in studios of what a lovely voice she had, what a charming platform presence she had, how she could sing so feelingly, how intelligently she looked upon life, how good looking she was, how she was coming back to grand opera some day. And he had been in the mountains with her—had made love to her while she, Angela, was out in Blackwood waiting for him patiently. It aroused on the instant all the fighting jealousy that was in her breast; it was the same jealousy that had determined her once before to hold him in spite of the plotting and scheming that appeared to her to be going on about her. They should not have him—these nasty studio superiorities—not any one of them, nor all of them combined, if they were to unite and try to get him. They had treated her shamefully since she had been in the East. They had almost uniformly ignored her. They would come to see Eugene, of course, and now that he was famous they could not be too nice to him, but as for her—well, they had no particular use for her. Hadn't she seen it! Hadn't she watched the critical, hypocritical, examining expressions in their eyes! She wasn't smart enough! She wasn't literary enough or artistic enough. She knew as much about life as they did and more—ten times as much; and yet because she couldn't strut and pose and stare and talk in an affected voice they thought themselves superior. And so did Eugene, the wretched creature! Superior! The cheap, mean, nasty, selfish upstarts! Why, the majority of them had nothing. Their clothes were mere rags and tags, when you came to examine them closely—badly sewed, of poor material, merely slung together, and yet they wore them with such a grand air! She would show them. She would dress herself too, one of these days, when Eugene had the means. She was doing it now—a great deal more than when she first came, and she would do it a great deal more before long. The nasty, mean, cheap, selfish, make-belief things. She would show them! O-oh! how she hated them.
Angela clearly caught the name Christina Channing. It burned itself into her memory. She remembered that this was the person he had occasionally spoken of in a positive way. He had mentioned in studios how lovely her voice was, how charming her presence was on stage, how she sang with so much feeling, how intelligently she viewed life, how attractive she was, and how she would someday return to grand opera. And he had been in the mountains with her—had made love to her while Angela patiently waited for him in Blackwood. This instantly stirred up all the jealous anger inside her; it was the same jealousy that had once pushed her to hold onto him despite the plotting and scheming she felt were happening around her. They could not have him—those pretentious studio people—not one of them, nor all of them together, if they tried to take him. They had treated her terribly since she arrived in the East. They had mostly ignored her. Of course, they would come to see Eugene, and now that he was famous, they couldn't be too nice to him, but as for her—well, they had no real interest in her. Hadn't she noticed? Hadn't she seen the critical, hypocritical, scrutinizing looks in their eyes? They thought she wasn't smart enough! They thought she wasn't literary or artistic enough. She understood life as well as they did and even more—ten times more; yet because she couldn't strut and pose and talk in an affected voice, they considered themselves superior. And Eugene, that wretched man! Superior! Those cheap, mean, nasty, selfish wannabes! The majority of them had nothing. Their clothes were just rags and scraps when you looked closely—badly sewn, made of poor material, just thrown together, and yet they wore them with such arrogance! She would show them. She would dress well too, one of these days, when Eugene had the money. She was doing it now—much more than when she first arrived, and she would do it even more soon. Those nasty, mean, cheap, selfish, pretentious people. She would show them! Oh, how she hated them.
Now as she cried she also thought of the fact that Eugene could write love letters to this horrible Christina Channing—one of the same kind, no doubt; her letters showed it. O-oh! how she hated her! If she could only get at her to poison her. And her sobs sounded much more of the sorrow she felt than of [Pg 265] the rage. She was helpless in a way and she knew it. She did not dare to show him exactly what she felt. She was afraid of him. He might possibly leave her. He really did not care for her enough to stand everything from her—or did he? This doubt was the one terrible, discouraging, annihilating feature of the whole thing—if he only cared.
Now, as she cried, she also thought about how Eugene could write love letters to that awful Christina Channing—letters just like the ones he wrote to her, no doubt; her letters made that clear. Ugh! How she hated her! If only she could get to her and poison her. Her sobs expressed more of the heartbreak she felt than the anger. She felt powerless in a way, and she was fully aware of it. She didn’t dare show him exactly how she felt. She was scared of him. He might just leave her. He really didn’t care about her enough to put up with everything she threw at him—or did he? This uncertainty was the one terrible, discouraging, crushing aspect of the whole situation—if only he truly cared.
"I wish you wouldn't cry, Angela," said Eugene appealingly, after a time. "It isn't as bad as you think. It looks pretty bad, but I wasn't married then, and I didn't care so very much for these people—not as much as you think; really I didn't. It may look that way to you, but I didn't."
"I wish you wouldn't cry, Angela," Eugene said with a hopeful tone after a while. "It's not as bad as you think. It seems pretty terrible, but I wasn't married back then, and I didn't care that much about these people—not as much as you believe; honestly, I didn't. It might seem like that to you, but I didn't."
"Didn't care!" sneered Angela, all at once, flaring up. "Didn't care! It looks as though you didn't care, with one of them calling you Honey Boy and Adonis, and the other saying she wishes she were dead. A fine time you'd have convincing anyone that you didn't care. And I out in Blackwood at that very time, longing and waiting for you to come, and you up in the mountains making love to another woman. Oh, I know how much you cared. You showed how much you cared when you could leave me out there to wait for you eating my heart out while you were off in the mountains having a good time with another woman. 'Dear E—,' and 'Precious Honey Boy,' and 'Adonis'! That shows how much you cared, doesn't it!"
"Didn't care!" Angela snapped, suddenly losing her cool. "Didn't care! It seems like you really didn't care, with one of them calling you Honey Boy and Adonis, and the other saying she wishes she were dead. Good luck convincing anyone that you didn’t care. Meanwhile, I was out in Blackwood at that very moment, hoping and waiting for you to show up, while you were off in the mountains having an affair with another woman. Oh, I know how much you cared. You really showed it when you left me out there, waiting while I was heartbroken, and you were up in the mountains having fun with someone else. 'Dear E—,' and 'Precious Honey Boy,' and 'Adonis'! That really shows how much you cared, doesn’t it!"
Eugene stared before him helplessly. Her bitterness and wrath surprised and irritated him. He did not know that she was capable of such an awful rage as showed itself in her face and words at this moment, and yet he did not know but that she was well justified. Why so bitter though—so almost brutal? He was sick. Had she no consideration for him?
Eugene stared in front of him helplessly. Her bitterness and anger caught him off guard and annoyed him. He didn’t realize she was capable of such intense rage that was evident in her face and words at that moment, and yet he couldn't help but think that she might have a reason for it. But why was she so bitter—so nearly brutal? He felt unwell. Did she have no thought for him?
"I tell you it wasn't as bad as you think," he said stolidly, showing for the first time a trace of temper and opposition. "I wasn't married then. I did like Christina Channing; I did like Ruby Kenny. What of it? I can't help it now. What am I going to say about it? What do you want me to say? What do you want me to do?"
"I’m telling you, it wasn’t as bad as you think," he said flatly, revealing for the first time a hint of anger and resistance. "I wasn’t married back then. I liked Christina Channing; I liked Ruby Kenny. So what? I can’t change that now. What do you want me to say about it? What do you want me to do?"
"Oh," whimpered Angela, changing her tone at once from helpless accusing rage to pleading, self-commiserating misery. "And you can stand there and say to me 'what of it'? What of it! What of it! What shall you say? What do you think you ought to say? And me believing that you were so honorable and faithful! Oh, if I had only known! If I had only known! I had better have drowned myself a hundred times over than have waked and found that I wasn't loved. Oh, dear, oh, dear! I don't know what I ought to do! I don't know what I can do!"
"Oh," Angela cried, instantly shifting from angry and accusing to pleading and feeling sorry for herself. "And you can just stand there and say to me 'what of it'? What of it! What of it! What are you going to say? What do you think you should say? And I believed you were so honorable and faithful! Oh, if I had only known! If I had only known! I would have been better off drowning myself a hundred times than waking up to find out I wasn't loved. Oh, dear, oh, dear! I don’t know what I should do! I don’t know what I can do!"
[Pg 266] "But I do love you," protested Eugene soothingly, anxious to say or do anything which would quiet this terrific storm. He could not imagine how he could have been so foolish as to leave these letters lying around. Dear Heaven! What a mess he had made of this! If only he had put them safely outside the home or destroyed them. Still he had wanted to keep Christina's letters; they were so charming.
[Pg 266] "But I really do love you," Eugene said gently, eager to say or do anything that would calm this huge outburst. He couldn’t believe how careless he had been to leave these letters out in the open. Good grief! What a mess he had created! If only he had put them away safely outside the house or gotten rid of them. Still, he had wanted to keep Christina's letters; they were just so lovely.
"Yes, you love me!" flared Angela. "I see how you love me. Those letters show it! Oh, dear! oh, dear! I wish I were dead."
"Yes, you love me!" Angela exclaimed. "I can see how much you love me. Those letters prove it! Oh, no! Oh, no! I wish I were dead."
"Listen to me, Angela," replied Eugene desperately, "I know this correspondence looks bad. I did make love to Miss Kenny and to Christina Channing, but you see I didn't care enough to marry either of them. If I had I would have. I cared for you. Believe it or not. I married you. Why did I marry you? Answer me that? I needn't have married you. Why did I? Because I loved you, of course. What other reason could I have?"
"Listen to me, Angela," Eugene said urgently, "I know this looks bad. I slept with Miss Kenny and Christina Channing, but honestly, I didn’t care enough to marry either of them. If I had, I would have. I cared for you. Believe it or not. I married you. Why did I marry you? Please, tell me. I didn’t have to marry you. So why did I? Because I loved you, obviously. What other reason could there be?"
"Because you couldn't get Christina Channing," snapped Angela, angrily, with the intuitive sense of one who reasons from one material fact to another, "that's why. If you could have, you would have. I know it. Her letters show it."
"Because you couldn't get Christina Channing," Angela snapped, irritated, with the instinct of someone who connects the dots from one clear fact to another, "that's the reason. If you could have, you would have. I know it. Her letters prove it."
"Her letters don't show anything of the sort," returned Eugene angrily. "I couldn't get her? I could have had her, easily enough. I didn't want her. If I had wanted her, I would have married her—you can bet on that."
"Her letters don't really say anything like that," Eugene shot back angrily. "I couldn't get her? I could have had her, no problem. I didn’t want her. If I had wanted her, I would have married her—you can count on that."
He hated himself for lying in this way, but he felt for the time being that he had to do it. He did not care to stand in the rôle of a jilted lover. He half-fancied that he could have married Christina if he had really tried.
He hated himself for lying like this, but for now, he felt he had to do it. He didn’t want to play the role of a rejected lover. Part of him thought that he could have married Christina if he had really tried.
"Anyhow," he said, "I'm not going to argue that point with you. I didn't marry her, so there you are; and I didn't marry Ruby Kenny either. Well you can think all you want; but I know. I cared for them, but I didn't marry them. I married you instead. I ought to get credit for something on that score. I married you because I loved you, I suppose. That's perfectly plain, isn't it?" He was half convincing himself that he had loved her—in some degree.
"Anyway," he said, "I'm not going to debate that with you. I didn't marry her, so that's that; and I didn't marry Ruby Kenny either. You can think whatever you want, but I know the truth. I cared for them, but I didn't marry them. I married you instead. I should get some credit for that. I married you because I loved you, I guess. That's pretty clear, right?" He was partly convincing himself that he had loved her—at least to some extent.
"Yes, I see how you love me," persisted Angela, cogitating this very peculiar fact which he was insisting on and which it was very hard intellectually to overcome. "You married me because you couldn't very well get out of it, that's why. Oh, I know. You didn't want to marry me. That's very plain. You wanted to marry someone else. Oh, dear! oh, dear!"
"Yes, I can see how you love me," Angela continued, pondering this strange fact that he kept insisting on, which was difficult for her to grasp. "You married me because you didn't really have a choice, that's the truth. Oh, I know. You didn't want to marry me. That's obvious. You wanted to marry someone else. Oh, dear! oh, dear!"
[Pg 267] "Oh, how you talk!" replied Eugene defiantly. "Marry someone else! Who did I want to marry? I could have married often enough if I had wanted to. I didn't want to marry, that's all. Believe it or not. I wanted to marry you and I did. I don't think you have any right to stand there and argue so. What you say isn't so, and you know it."
[Pg 267] "Oh, how you talk!" Eugene replied with defiance. "Marry someone else! Who did I want to marry? I could have married plenty of people if I'd wanted to. I just didn't want to get married, that's all. Believe it or not. I wanted to marry you, and I did. I don't think you have any right to stand there and argue like that. What you're saying isn't true, and you know it."
Angela cogitated this argument further. He had married her! Why had he? He might have cared for Christina and Ruby, but he must have cared for her too. Why hadn't she thought of that? There was something in it—something besides a mere desire to deceive her. Perhaps he did care for her a little. Anyway it was plain that she could not get very far by arguing with him—he was getting stubborn, argumentative, contentious. She had not seen him that way before.
Angela thought about this argument some more. He had married her! Why did he? He might have had feelings for Christina and Ruby, but he must have had feelings for her too. Why hadn’t she considered that? There was something to it—something more than just a desire to trick her. Maybe he did care for her a little. Regardless, it was clear that she wouldn’t get very far by arguing with him—he was becoming stubborn, argumentative, and difficult. She hadn’t seen him act like that before.
"Oh!" she sobbed, taking refuge from this very difficult realm of logic in the safer and more comfortable one of illogical tears. "I don't know what to do! I don't know what to think!"
"Oh!" she cried, escaping from this complicated world of logic into the safer and more comforting realm of tearful emotions. "I don't know what to do! I don't know what to think!"
She was badly treated, no doubt of that. Her life was a failure, but even so there was some charm about him. As he stood there, looking aimlessly around, defiant at one moment, appealing at another, she could not help seeing that he was not wholly bad. He was just weak on this one point. He loved pretty women. They were always trying to win him to them. He was probably not wholly to blame. If he would only be repentant enough, this thing might be allowed to blow over. It couldn't be forgiven. She never could forgive him for the way he had deceived her. Her ideal of him had been pretty hopelessly shattered—but she might live with him on probation.
She was treated poorly, that was for sure. Her life was a mess, but there was still something charming about him. As he stood there, looking around aimlessly, defiant one moment and appealing the next, she couldn’t help but notice that he wasn’t entirely bad. He was just weak in this one area. He had a thing for pretty women. They were always trying to win him over. He probably wasn't entirely at fault. If only he would show enough remorse, maybe this could be forgotten. It couldn't be forgiven. She could never forgive him for how he had deceived her. Her ideal of him had been pretty thoroughly shattered—but she might be able to live with him on a trial basis.
"Angela!" he said, while she was still sobbing, and feeling that he ought to apologize to her. "Won't you believe me? Won't you forgive me? I don't like to hear you cry this way. There's no use saying that I didn't do anything. There's no use my saying anything at all, really. You won't believe me. I don't want you to; but I'm sorry. Won't you believe that? Won't you forgive me?"
"Angela!" he said, while she was still crying, feeling that he should apologize. "Won't you believe me? Won't you forgive me? I hate seeing you cry like this. There's no point in saying that I didn't do anything. There's really no point in saying anything at all, honestly. You won't believe me. I don't expect you to; but I am sorry. Can't you believe that? Won't you forgive me?"
Angela listened to this curiously, her thoughts going around in a ring for she was at once despairing, regretful, revengeful, critical, sympathetic toward him, desirous of retaining her state, desirous of obtaining and retaining his love, desirous of punishing him, desirous of doing any one of a hundred things. Oh, if he had only never done this! And he was sickly, too. He needed her sympathy.
Angela listened to this with curiosity, her mind spinning in circles as she felt a mix of despair, regret, anger, criticism, sympathy toward him, a wish to hold on to her situation, a desire to gain and keep his love, and a longing to punish him—all at once. Oh, if only he had never done this! And he was sickly, too. He needed her sympathy.
"Won't you forgive me, Angela?" he pleaded softly, laying his hand on her arm. "I'm not going to do anything like [Pg 268] that any more. Won't you believe me? Come on now. Quit crying, won't you?"
"Will you forgive me, Angela?" he asked gently, putting his hand on her arm. "I promise I won't do anything like that again. Please believe me. Come on, stop crying, okay?"
Angela hesitated for a while, lingering dolefully. She did not know what to do, what to say. It might be that he would not sin against her any more. He had not thus far, in so far as she knew. Still this was a terrible revelation. All at once, because he manœuvred himself into a suitable position and because she herself was weary of fighting and crying, and because she was longing for sympathy, she allowed herself to be pulled into his arms, her head to his shoulder, and there she cried more copiously than ever. Eugene for the moment felt terribly grieved. He was really sorry for her. It wasn't right. He ought to be ashamed of himself. He should never have done anything like that.
Angela paused for a moment, feeling really down. She didn’t know what to do or say. Maybe he wouldn’t hurt her again. Up to now, he hadn’t, at least as far as she knew. Still, this was a huge realization. Suddenly, because he positioned himself in a way that felt right and because she was tired of fighting and crying, and because she just wanted some comfort, she let him pull her into his arms, resting her head on his shoulder, and there she cried more than ever. For a moment, Eugene felt very sad. He genuinely felt bad for her. It wasn’t fair. He should be ashamed of himself. He never should have done that.
"I'm sorry," he whispered, "really I am. Won't you forgive me?"
"I'm sorry," he whispered, "I really am. Can you forgive me?"
"Oh, I don't know what to do! what to think!" moaned Angela after a time.
"Oh, I don't know what to do! What to think!" Angela moaned after a while.
"Please do, Angela," he urged, holding her questioningly.
"Please do, Angela," he urged, holding her gaze with a questioning look.
There was more of this pleading and emotional badgering until finally out of sheer exhaustion Angela said yes. Eugene's nerves were worn to a thread by the encounter. He was pale, exhausted, distraught. Many scenes like this, he thought, would set him crazy; and still he had to go through a world of petting and love-making even now. It was not easy to bring her back to her normal self. It was bad business, this philandering, he thought. It seemed to lead to all sorts of misery for him, and Angela was jealous. Dear Heaven! what a wrathful, vicious, contentious nature she had when she was aroused. He had never suspected that. How could he truly love her when she acted like that? How could he sympathize with her? He recalled how she sneered at him—how she taunted him with Christina's having discarded him. He was weary, excited, desirous of rest and sleep, but now he must make more love. He fondled her, and by degrees she came out of her blackest mood; but he was not really forgiven even then. He was just understood better. And she was not truly happy again but only hopeful—and watchful.
There was more of this begging and emotional pestering until, finally, out of pure exhaustion, Angela agreed. Eugene's nerves were frayed from the encounter. He looked pale, drained, and troubled. He thought that many scenes like this would drive him crazy; yet he still had to navigate a world of affection and romance even now. It wasn't easy to bring her back to her usual self. This cheating business was bad news, he thought. It seemed to lead to all kinds of misery for him, and Angela was jealous. Good grief! What a angry, vicious, argumentative side she had when she was upset. He had never realized that before. How could he truly love her when she acted like that? How could he empathize with her? He remembered how she mocked him—how she ridiculed him for Christina having dumped him. He was tired, anxious for rest and sleep, but now he had to make more moves on her. He caressed her, and gradually she emerged from her darkest mood; but even then, he wasn’t really forgiven. He was just understood better. And she wasn't genuinely happy again, just hopeful—and cautious.
CHAPTER XII
Spring, summer and fall came and went with Eugene and Angela first in Alexandria and then in Blackwood. In suffering this nervous breakdown and being compelled to leave New York, Eugene missed some of the finest fruits of his artistic efforts, for M. Charles, as well as a number of other people, were interested in him and were prepared to entertain him in an interesting and conspicuous way. He could have gone out a great deal, but his mental state was such that he was poor company for anyone. He was exceedingly morbid, inclined to discuss gloomy subjects, to look on life as exceedingly sad and to believe that people generally were evil. Lust, dishonesty, selfishness, envy, hypocrisy, slander, hate, theft, adultery, murder, dementia, insanity, inanity—these and death and decay occupied his thoughts. There was no light anywhere. Only a storm of evil and death. These ideas coupled with his troubles with Angela, the fact that he could not work, the fact that he felt he had made a matrimonial mistake, the fact that he feared he might die or go crazy, made a terrible and agonizing winter for him.
Spring, summer, and fall passed by with Eugene and Angela first in Alexandria and then in Blackwood. Dealing with his nervous breakdown and having to leave New York, Eugene missed out on some of the best opportunities for his artistic career, as M. Charles and others were interested in him and ready to entertain him in an engaging and noticeable way. He could have gone out often, but his mental state made him bad company for anyone. He was extremely gloomy, prone to discussing dark topics, viewing life as very sad, and believing that people were generally evil. Thoughts of lust, dishonesty, selfishness, envy, hypocrisy, slander, hate, theft, adultery, murder, dementia, insanity, foolishness—these, along with death and decay, consumed his mind. There was no light anywhere, just a storm of evil and death. These thoughts, combined with his issues with Angela, his inability to work, his doubt about his marriage, and his fear of dying or going insane, created a terrible and agonizing winter for him.
Angela's attitude, while sympathetic enough, once the first storm of feeling was over, was nevertheless involved with a substratum of criticism. While she said nothing, agreed that she would forget, Eugene had the consciousness all the while that she wasn't forgetting, that she was secretly reproaching him and that she was looking for new manifestations of weakness in this direction, expecting them and on the alert to prevent them.
Angela's attitude, though sympathetic at first, soon revealed an underlying criticism once the initial wave of emotions passed. Even though she kept quiet and agreed to move on, Eugene was aware that she wasn't really forgetting. He felt that she was silently holding it against him, constantly on the lookout for any signs of weakness in that area, anticipating them, and ready to call him out if they appeared.
The spring-time in Alexandria, opening as it did shortly after they reached there, was in a way a source of relief to Eugene. He had decided for the time being to give up trying to work, to give up his idea of going either to London or Chicago, and merely rest. Perhaps it was true that he was tired. He didn't feel that way. He couldn't sleep and he couldn't work, but he felt brisk enough. It was only because he couldn't work that he was miserable. Still he decided to try sheer idleness. Perhaps that would revive his wonderful art for him. Meantime he speculated ceaselessly on the time he was losing, the celebrities he was missing, the places he was not seeing. Oh, London, London! If he could only do that.
The spring in Alexandria, which started soon after they arrived, was somewhat of a relief for Eugene. He had decided to stop trying to work for now and give up on his plans to go to London or Chicago, and just relax. Maybe it was true that he was tired. He didn't feel that way. He couldn't sleep or work, but he felt energetic enough. It was just that the inability to work made him unhappy. Still, he chose to attempt doing absolutely nothing. Maybe that would rekindle his amazing art. Meanwhile, he constantly thought about the time he was wasting, the famous people he was missing out on, and the places he wasn't visiting. Oh, London, London! If only he could do that.
[Pg 270] Mr. and Mrs. Witla were immensely pleased to have their boy back with them again. Being in their way simple, unsophisticated people, they could not understand how their son's health could have undergone such a sudden reverse.
[Pg 270] Mr. and Mrs. Witla were very happy to have their son back with them again. Being straightforward, down-to-earth people, they couldn’t grasp how their son's health could have taken such a sudden turn for the worse.
"I never saw Gene looking so bad in all his life," observed Witla pére to his wife the day Eugene arrived. "His eyes are so sunken. What in the world do you suppose is ailing him?"
"I've never seen Gene look so terrible in all his life," Witla père said to his wife on the day Eugene arrived. "His eyes look so sunken. What do you think is wrong with him?"
"How should I know?" replied his wife, who was greatly distressed over her boy. "I suppose he's just tired out, that's all. He'll probably be all right after he rests awhile. Don't let on that you think he's looking out of sorts. Just pretend that he's all right. What do you think of his wife?"
"How should I know?" replied his wife, who was really worried about their son. "I guess he's just worn out, that's all. He'll probably be fine after he gets some rest. Don't let on that you think he looks off. Just act like everything's okay. What do you think of his wife?"
"She appears to be a very nice little woman," replied Witla. "She's certainly devoted to him. I never thought Eugene would marry just that type, but he's the judge. I suppose people thought that I would never marry anybody like you, either," he added jokingly.
"She seems like a really nice woman," Witla replied. "She's definitely dedicated to him. I never thought Eugene would marry someone like her, but he knows best. I guess people figured I would never marry someone like you, either," he added with a laugh.
"Yes, you did make a terrible mistake," jested his wife in return. "You worked awfully hard to make it."
"Yeah, you really messed up," his wife joked back. "You put in a ton of effort to do that."
"I was young! I was young! You want to remember that," retorted Witla. "I didn't know much in those days."
"I was young! I was young! You need to remember that," Witla shot back. "I didn’t know much back then."
"You don't appear to know much better yet," she replied, "do you?"
"You don’t seem to know any better yet," she replied, "do you?"
He smiled and patted her on the back. "Well, anyhow I'll have to make the best of it, won't I? It's too late now."
He smiled and gave her a pat on the back. "Well, anyway, I guess I’ll have to make the best of it, right? It’s too late now."
"It certainly is," replied his wife.
"It definitely is," his wife replied.
Eugene and Angela were given his old room on the second floor, commanding a nice view of the yard and the street corner, and they settled down to spend what the Witla parents hoped would be months of peaceful days. It was a curious sensation to Eugene to find himself back here in Alexandria looking out upon the peaceful neighborhood in which he had been raised, the trees, the lawn, the hammock replaced several times since he had left, but still in its accustomed place. The thought of the little lakes and the small creek winding about the town were a comfort to him. He could go fishing now and boating, and there were some interesting walks here and there. He began to amuse himself by going fishing the first week, but it was still a little cold, and he decided, for the time being, to confine himself to walking.
Eugene and Angela were given his old room on the second floor, which had a nice view of the yard and the street corner. They settled in, hoping that the Witla parents would enjoy months of peaceful days. It felt strange for Eugene to be back in Alexandria, looking out at the familiar neighborhood where he had grown up—the trees, the lawn, and the hammock that had been replaced a few times since he left, but still remained in the same spot. The thought of the little lakes and the small creek winding through the town was comforting to him. He could go fishing and boating now, and there were some interesting walks around. He started to entertain himself by going fishing the first week, but it was still a bit cold, so he decided to stick to walking for the time being.
Days of this kind grow as a rule quickly monotonous. To a man of Eugene's turn of mind there was so little in Alexandria to entertain him. After London and Paris, Chicago and New York, the quiet streets of his old home town were a joke. He [Pg 271] visited the office of the Appeal but both Jonas Lyle and Caleb Williams had gone, the former to St. Louis, the latter to Bloomington. Old Benjamin Burgess, his sister's husband's father, was unchanged except in the matter of years. He told Eugene that he was thinking of running for Congress in the next campaign—the Republican organization owed it to him. His son Henry, Sylvia's husband, had become a treasurer of the local bank. He was working as patiently and quietly as ever, going to church Sundays, going to Chicago occasionally on business, consulting with farmers and business men about small loans. He was a close student of the several banking journals of the country, and seemed to be doing very well financially. Sylvia had little to say of how he was getting along. Having lived with him for eleven years, she had become somewhat close-mouthed like himself. Eugene could not help smiling at the lean, slippered subtlety of the man, young as he was. He was so quiet, so conservative, so intent on all the little things which make a conventionally successful life. Like a cabinet maker, he was busy inlaying the little pieces which would eventually make the perfect whole.
Days like this usually become pretty dull pretty quickly. For someone like Eugene, there wasn't much to keep him entertained in Alexandria. After experiencing London, Paris, Chicago, and New York, the calm streets of his old hometown felt like a joke. He [Pg 271] stopped by the office of the Appeal, but both Jonas Lyle and Caleb Williams were gone—Jonas to St. Louis and Caleb to Bloomington. Old Benjamin Burgess, his sister's father-in-law, hadn't changed except for getting older. He mentioned to Eugene that he was considering running for Congress in the next election, stating that the Republican party owed it to him. His son Henry, Sylvia's husband, had become the treasurer of the local bank. He was still working patiently and quietly, going to church on Sundays and occasionally traveling to Chicago for business, meeting with farmers and local business owners about small loans. He was a dedicated follower of various banking journals and appeared to be doing quite well financially. Sylvia didn’t share much about how he was doing; after living with him for eleven years, she had become as reserved as he was. Eugene couldn't help but smile at the lean, slippered subtlety of this young man. He was so quiet, so traditional, so focused on all the small details that contribute to a conventionally successful life. Like a skilled cabinet maker, he was busy piecing together the little elements that would ultimately create a perfect whole.
Angela took up the household work, which Mrs. Witla grudgingly consented to share with her, with a will. She liked to work and would put the house in order while Mrs. Witla was washing the dishes after breakfast. She would make special pies and cakes for Eugene when she could without giving offense, and she tried to conduct herself so that Mrs. Witla would like her. She did not think so much of the Witla household. It wasn't so much better than her own—hardly as good. Still it was Eugene's birthplace and for that reason important. There was a slight divergence of view-point though, between his mother and herself, over the nature of life and how to live it. Mrs. Witla was of an easier, more friendly outlook on life than Angela. She liked to take things as they came without much worry, while Angela was of a naturally worrying disposition. The two had one very human failing in common—they could not work with anyone else at anything. Each preferred to do all that was to be done rather than share it at all. Both being so anxious to be conciliatory for Eugene's sake and for permanent peace in the family, there was small chance for any disagreement, for neither was without tact. But there was just a vague hint of something in the air—that Angela was a little hard and selfish, on Mrs. Witla's part; that Mrs. Witla was just the least bit secretive, or shy or distant—from Angela's point of view. All was serene and lovely on the surface, however, with many won't-you-let-me's [Pg 272] and please-do-now's on both sides. Mrs. Witla, being so much older, was, of course, calmer and in the family seat of dignity and peace.
Angela took on the household chores, which Mrs. Witla reluctantly agreed to help her with, with enthusiasm. She enjoyed working and would tidy up the house while Mrs. Witla washed the dishes after breakfast. She would bake special pies and cakes for Eugene when she could do so without causing any issues, and she tried to behave in a way that would make Mrs. Witla like her. She didn’t think much of the Witla household. It wasn’t much better than her own—barely as good. Still, it was Eugene’s birthplace, and for that reason, it held significance. There was a slight difference in perspective, though, between her and his mother regarding the nature of life and how to live it. Mrs. Witla had a more easygoing, friendly outlook on life than Angela. She preferred to take things as they came without worrying much, while Angela was naturally inclined to worry. Both shared a common human flaw—they couldn’t work with anyone else on anything. Each preferred to handle everything themselves rather than share the workload. Since both were eager to keep the peace for Eugene’s sake and ensure harmony in the family, there was little chance for any conflict, as neither lacked tact. Yet, there was a subtle hint of something between them—Angela thought Mrs. Witla seemed a bit hard and selfish, while Mrs. Witla felt Angela was somewhat secretive, shy, or distant. Nevertheless, everything seemed calm and pleasant on the surface, with plenty of polite exchanges and requests from both sides. Mrs. Witla, being considerably older, was naturally more composed and held the family's dignity and peace.
To be able to sit about in a chair, lie in a hammock, stroll in the woods and country fields and be perfectly happy in idle contemplation and loneliness, requires an exceptional talent for just that sort of thing. Eugene once fancied he had it, as did his parents, but since he had heard the call of fame he could never be still any more. And just at this time he was not in need of solitude and idle contemplation but of diversion and entertainment. He needed companionship of the right sort, gayety, sympathy, enthusiasm. Angela had some of this, when she was not troubled about anything, his parents, his sister, his old acquaintances had a little more to offer. They could not, however, be forever talking to him or paying him attention, and beyond them there was nothing. The town had no resources. Eugene would walk the long country roads with Angela or go boating or fishing sometimes, but still he was lonely. He would sit on the porch or in the hammock and think of what he had seen in London and Paris—how he might be at work. St. Paul's in a mist, the Thames Embankment, Piccadilly, Blackfriars Bridge, the muck of Whitechapel and the East End—how he wished he was out of all this and painting them. If he could only paint. He rigged up a studio in his father's barn, using a north loft door for light and essayed certain things from memory, but there was no making anything come out right. He had this fixed belief, which was a notion purely, that there was always something wrong. Angela, his mother, his father, whom he occasionally asked for an opinion, might protest that it was beautiful or wonderful, but he did not believe it. After a few altering ideas of this kind, under the influences of which he would change and change and change things, he would find himself becoming wild in his feelings, enraged at his condition, intensely despondent and sorry for himself.
To be able to relax in a chair, lie in a hammock, wander through the woods and fields, and be completely happy in solitary reflection takes a unique talent for that sort of thing. Eugene once thought he had it, and so did his parents, but ever since he felt the pull of fame, he could never sit still again. Right now, he wasn't looking for solitude or quiet reflection; he craved excitement and entertainment. He needed the right kind of company—fun, understanding, enthusiasm. Angela had some of that when she wasn't preoccupied, while his parents, sister, and old friends could offer a bit more. However, they couldn’t constantly engage him or give him attention, and beyond them, there was nothing. The town had no real options. Eugene would walk the long country roads with Angela or go boating or fishing sometimes, but he still felt lonely. He would sit on the porch or in the hammock and think about what he had experienced in London and Paris—how he could be working. St. Paul's through the mist, the Thames Embankment, Piccadilly, Blackfriars Bridge, the grime of Whitechapel and the East End—how he wished he were somewhere else painting them. If only he could paint. He set up a studio in his dad's barn, using a north-facing loft door for light and attempted to recreate certain things from memory, but nothing seemed to turn out right. He held this firm belief, which was really just a thought, that something was always off. Angela, his mom, and his dad, who he sometimes asked for feedback, might insist that it looked beautiful or amazing, but he didn’t believe them. After trying different ideas and making various changes under their influence, he would find himself becoming intense with feelings, frustrated with his situation, deeply despondent, and feeling sorry for himself.
"Well," he would say, throwing down his brush, "I shall simply have to wait until I come out of this. I can't do anything this way." Then he would walk or read or row on the lakes or play solitaire, or listen to Angela playing on the piano that his father had installed for Myrtle long since. All the time though he was thinking of his condition, what he was missing, how the gay world was surging on rapidly elsewhere, how long it would be before he got well, if ever. He talked of going to Chicago and trying his hand at scenes there, but Angela persuaded [Pg 273] him to rest for a while longer. In June she promised him they would go to Blackwood for the summer, coming back here in the fall if he wished, or going on to New York or staying in Chicago, just as he felt about it. Now he needed rest.
"Well," he would say, tossing his brush aside, "I guess I just have to wait until I get through this. I can't do anything like this." Then he would walk, read, row on the lakes, play solitaire, or listen to Angela playing on the piano that his dad had gotten for Myrtle a long time ago. But the whole time, he was worried about his situation, what he was missing, how the lively world was moving on quickly elsewhere, and how long it would be until he got better, if ever. He talked about going to Chicago to try his luck at scenes there, but Angela convinced him to take a little more time to rest. In June, she promised him they would go to Blackwood for the summer, coming back here in the fall if he wanted, or heading to New York or staying in Chicago, depending on how he felt. Right now, he just needed to relax.
"Eugene will probably be all right by then," Angela volunteered to his mother, "and he can make up his mind whether he wants to go to Chicago or London."
"Eugene will probably be fine by then," Angela offered to his mom, "and he can decide if he wants to go to Chicago or London."
She was very proud of her ability to talk of where they would go and what they would do.
She was really proud of her ability to talk about where they would go and what they would do.
CHAPTER XIII
If it had not been for the lurking hope of some fresh exciting experience with a woman, he would have been unconscionably lonely. As it was, this thought with him—quite as the confirmed drunkard's thought of whiskey—buoyed him up, kept him from despairing utterly, gave his mind the only diversion it had from the ever present thought of failure. If by chance he should meet some truly beautiful girl, gay, enticing, who would fall in love with him! that would be happiness. Only, Angela was constantly watching him these days and, besides, more girls would simply mean that his condition would be aggravated. Yet so powerful was the illusion of desire, the sheer animal magnetism of beauty, that when it came near him in the form of a lovely girl of his own temperamental inclinations he could not resist it. One look into an inviting eye, one glance at a face whose outlines were soft and delicate—full of that subtle suggestion of youth and health which is so characteristic of girlhood—and the spell was cast. It was as though the very form of the face, without will or intention on the part of the possessor, acted hypnotically upon its beholder. The Arabians believed in the magic power of the word Abracadabra to cast a spell. For Eugene the form of a woman's face and body was quite as powerful.
If it hadn't been for the constant hope of some new and exciting experience with a woman, he would have felt incredibly lonely. As it was, this thought—just like a hardcore drinker's thought of whiskey—lifted him up, kept him from completely despairing, and provided the only distraction he had from the ever-present fear of failure. What if he happened to meet a truly beautiful girl, someone lively and alluring, who would fall in love with him? That would bring him happiness. But Angela was always keeping an eye on him these days, and besides, meeting more girls would just complicate things even further. Still, the power of desire and the raw magnetism of beauty was so strong that when it came close to him in the form of an attractive girl who matched his vibe, he couldn't resist. One look into inviting eyes, one glimpse of a face with soft and delicate features—full of that subtle hint of youth and health that’s so typical of young women—and the enchantment was set. It was like the very shape of the face, without any will or intention from the person, acted like a spell on whoever looked at it. The Arabians believed in the magic of the word Abracadabra to cast a spell. For Eugene, the shape of a woman's face and body held just as much power.
While he and Angela were in Alexandria from February to May, he met one night at his sister's house a girl who, from the point of view of the beauty which he admired and to which he was so susceptible, was extremely hypnotic, and who for the ease and convenience of a flirtation was very favorably situated. She was the daughter of a traveling man, George Roth by name, whose wife, the child's mother, was dead, but who lived with his sister in an old tree-shaded house on the edge of Green Lake not far from the spot where Eugene had once attempted to caress his first love, Stella Appleton. Frieda was the girl's name. She was extremely attractive, not more than eighteen years of age, with large, clear, blue eyes, a wealth of yellowish-brown hair and a plump but shapely figure. She was a graduate of the local high school, well developed for her years, bright, rosy-cheeked, vivacious and with a great deal of natural intelligence which attracted the attention of Eugene at once. Normally he was extremely fond of a natural, cheerful, [Pg 275] laughing disposition. In his present state he was abnormally so. This girl and her foster mother had heard of him a long time since through his parents and his sister, whom they knew well and whom they visited frequently. George Roth had moved here since Eugene had first left for Chicago, and because he was so much on the road he had not seen him since. Frieda, on all his previous visits, had been too young to take an interest in men, but now at this age, when she was just blossoming into womanhood, her mind was fixed on them. She did not expect to be interested in Eugene because she knew he was married, but because of his reputation as an artist she was curious about him. Everybody knew who he was. The local papers had written up his success and published his portrait. Frieda expected to see a man of about forty, stern and sober. Instead she met a smiling youth of twenty-nine, rather gaunt and hollow-eyed, but none the less attractive for that. Eugene, with Angela's approval, still affected a loose, flowing tie, a soft turn-down collar, brown corduroy suits as a rule, the coat cut with a belt, shooting jacket fashion, a black iron ring of very curious design upon one of his fingers, and a soft hat. His hands were very thin and white, his skin pale. Frieda, rosy, as thoughtless as a butterfly, charmingly clothed in a dress of blue linen, laughing, afraid of him because of his reputation, attracted his attention at once. She was like all the young, healthy, laughing girls he had ever known, delightful. He wished he were single again that he might fall into a jesting conversation with her. She seemed inclined to be friendly from the first.
While he and Angela were in Alexandria from February to May, he met a girl one night at his sister's house who, in terms of the beauty he admired and was so drawn to, was incredibly captivating, and she was in a great position for a flirtation. She was the daughter of a traveling salesman named George Roth, whose wife had passed away. He lived with his sister in an old house shaded by trees on the edge of Green Lake, not far from where Eugene had once tried to kiss his first love, Stella Appleton. The girl's name was Frieda. She was stunning, about eighteen years old, with large, bright blue eyes, a mass of yellowish-brown hair, and a plump yet shapely figure. She had graduated from the local high school, was well developed for her age, rosy-cheeked, lively, and had a lot of natural intelligence that immediately caught Eugene's attention. He usually loved a natural, cheerful, laughing personality. Right now, he was particularly fond of it. This girl and her foster mother had heard about him a while ago through his parents and his sister, whom they knew well and visited often. George Roth had moved here since Eugene first left for Chicago, and since he traveled so much, he hadn't seen him since then. Frieda, during all his previous visits, had been too young to care about men, but now that she was blossoming into womanhood, she was focused on them. She didn’t expect to be interested in Eugene because she knew he was married, but she was curious about him because of his reputation as an artist. Everyone knew who he was. The local newspapers had reported on his success and published his picture. Frieda expected to meet a serious man around forty, but instead, she encountered a smiling man of twenty-nine, a bit gaunt and hollow-eyed, but still attractive. With Angela's approval, Eugene still wore a loose, flowing tie, a soft turned-down collar, usually brown corduroy suits, the coat cut like a shooting jacket with a belt, a black iron ring of unique design on one of his fingers, and a soft hat. His hands were very thin and pale, and his skin was fair. Frieda, rosy-cheeked, as carefree as a butterfly, charmingly dressed in a blue linen dress, laughing and a bit intimidated by him because of his reputation, immediately caught his attention. She was like all the young, healthy, laughing girls he had ever known—delightful. He wished he were single again so he could engage in playful conversation with her. She seemed friendly from the start.
Angela being present, however, and Frieda's foster mother, it was necessary for him to be circumspect and distant. The latter, Sylvia and Angela, talked of art and listened to Angela's descriptions of Eugene's eccentricities, idiosyncrasies and experiences, which were a never-failing source of interest to the common run of mortals whom they met. Eugene would sit by in a comfortable chair with a weary, genial or indifferent look on his face as his mood happened to be. To-night he was bored and a little indifferent in his manner. No one here interested him save this girl, the beauty of whose face nourished his secret dreams. He longed to have some such spirit of youth near him always. Why could not women remain young?
With Angela present, along with Frieda’s foster mother, he had to be careful and maintain some distance. Sylvia and Angela chatted about art and listened to Angela's stories about Eugene's quirky behaviors and experiences, which always fascinated the everyday people they encountered. Eugene sat comfortably in a chair, looking either tired, friendly, or indifferent depending on his mood. Tonight, he felt bored and somewhat aloof. No one here caught his interest except for this girl, whose beauty fueled his secret dreams. He wished he could always have that kind of youthful spirit nearby. Why couldn’t women stay young?
While they were laughing and talking, Eugene picked up a copy of Howard Pyle's "Knights of the Round Table" with its warm heavy illustrations of the Arthurian heroes and heroines, and began to study the stately and exaggerated characteristics [Pg 276] of the various characters. Sylvia had purchased it for her seven-year old boy Jack, asleep upstairs, but Frieda had read it in her girlhood a few years before. She had been moving restlessly about, conscious of an interest in Eugene but not knowing how to find an opportunity for conversation. His smile, which he sometimes directed toward her, was to her entrancing.
While they were laughing and chatting, Eugene picked up a copy of Howard Pyle's "Knights of the Round Table" with its warm, rich illustrations of the Arthurian heroes and heroines, and started to look at the grand and exaggerated traits of the different characters. Sylvia had bought it for her seven-year-old son Jack, who was asleep upstairs, but Frieda had read it a few years earlier in her childhood. She had been moving around restlessly, aware of her interest in Eugene but unsure of how to strike up a conversation. His smile, which he occasionally directed at her, was captivating to her.
"Oh, I read that," she said, when she saw him looking at it. She had drifted to a position not far behind his chair and near one of the windows. She pretended to be looking out at first, but now began to talk to him. "I used to be crazy about every one of the Knights and Ladies—Sir Launcelot, Sir Galahad, Sir Tristram, Sir Gawaine, Queen Guinevere."
"Oh, I read that," she said when she noticed him looking at it. She had moved to a spot not far behind his chair and close to one of the windows. At first, she pretended to be looking out, but then she started talking to him. "I used to be obsessed with all the Knights and Ladies—Sir Lancelot, Sir Galahad, Sir Tristan, Sir Gawain, Queen Guinevere."
"Did you ever hear of Sir Bluff?" he asked teasingly, "or Sir Stuff? or Sir Dub?" He looked at her with a mocking light of humor in his eyes.
"Have you ever heard of Sir Bluff?" he asked playfully, "or Sir Stuff? or Sir Dub?" He looked at her with a playful sparkle in his eyes.
"Oh, there aren't such people," laughed Frieda, surprised at the titles but tickled at the thought of them.
"Oh, those kinds of people don't exist," laughed Frieda, surprised by the titles but amused by the idea of them.
"Don't you let him mock you, Frieda," put in Angela, who was pleased at the girl's gayety and glad that Eugene had found someone in whom he could take an interest. She did not fear the simple Western type of girl like Frieda and her own sister Marietta. They were franker, more kindly, better intentioned than the Eastern studio type, and besides they did not consider themselves superior. She was playing the rôle of the condescending leader here.
"Don't let him make fun of you, Frieda," Angela said, feeling happy about the girl's cheerfulness and glad that Eugene had found someone he could care about. She didn’t worry about the straightforward Western type of girl like Frieda and her own sister Marietta. They were more honest, kinder, and better-meaning than the Eastern studio type, and they didn’t think of themselves as superior. She was taking on the role of the condescending leader here.
"Certainly there are," replied Eugene solemnly, addressing Frieda. "They are the new Knights of the Round Table. Haven't you ever heard of that book?"
"Of course there are," replied Eugene seriously, turning to Frieda. "They are the new Knights of the Round Table. Haven't you ever heard of that book?"
"No, I haven't," answered Frieda gaily, "and there isn't any such. You're just teasing me."
"No, I haven't," Frieda replied cheerfully, "and there isn't any such thing. You're just messing with me."
"Teasing you? Why I wouldn't think of such a thing. And there is such a book. It's published by Harper and Brothers and is called 'The New Knights of the Round Table.' You simply haven't heard of it, that's all."
"Teasing you? Why would I ever do that? And yes, there is a book. It's published by Harper and Brothers and is called 'The New Knights of the Round Table.' You just haven't heard of it, that's all."
Frieda was impressed. She didn't know whether to believe him or not. She opened her eyes in a curiously inquiring girlish way which appealed to Eugene strongly. He wished he were free to kiss her pretty, red, thoughtlessly-parted lips. Angela herself was faintly doubtful as to whether he was speaking of a real book or not.
Frieda was impressed. She wasn't sure whether to believe him or not. She opened her eyes in a curious, questioning way that really attracted Eugene. He wished he could kiss her pretty, red lips that were carelessly slightly parted. Angela herself was somewhat uncertain if he was talking about a real book or not.
"Sir Stuff is a very famous Knight," he went on, "and so is Sir Bluff. They're inseparable companions in the book. As for Sir Dub and Sir Hack, and the Lady Dope—"
"Sir Stuff is a really famous Knight," he continued, "and so is Sir Bluff. They're inseparable buddies in the story. As for Sir Dub and Sir Hack, and Lady Dope—"
[Pg 277] "Oh, hush, Eugene," called Angela gaily. "Just listen to what he's telling Frieda," she remarked to Miss Roth. "You mustn't mind him though. He's always teasing someone. Why didn't you raise him better, Sylvia?" she asked of Eugene's sister.
[Pg 277] "Oh, come on, Eugene," Angela said cheerfully. "Just listen to what he's telling Frieda," she added to Miss Roth. "You shouldn’t take him seriously though. He’s always messing with someone. Why didn’t you teach him better, Sylvia?" she asked Eugene’s sister.
"Oh, don't ask me. We never could do anything with Gene. I never knew he had much jesting in him until he came back this time."
"Oh, don’t ask me. We could never figure out Gene. I never realized he had much of a sense of humor until he came back this time."
"They're very wonderful," they heard him telling Frieda, "all fine rosy gentlemen and ladies."
"They're really great," they heard him say to Frieda, "all lovely rosy gentlemen and ladies."
Frieda was impressed by this charming, good-natured man. His spirit was evidently as youthful and gay as her own. She sat before him looking into his smiling eyes while he teased her about this, that and the other foible of youth. Who were her sweethearts? How did she make love? How many boys lined up to see her come out of church on Sunday? He knew. "I'll bet they look like a line of soldiers on dress parade," he volunteered, "all with nice new ties and clean pocket handkerchiefs and their shoes polished and—"
Frieda was taken by this charming, easygoing guy. His vibe was clearly as young and cheerful as hers. She sat in front of him, gazing into his smiling eyes while he playfully teased her about the quirks of youth. Who were her crushes? How did she flirt? How many guys waited to see her leave church on Sunday? He already knew. "I bet they look like a line of soldiers on parade," he chimed in, "all with fresh ties and clean handkerchiefs and their shoes shined and—"
"Oh, ha! ha!" laughed Frieda. The idea appealed to her immensely. She started giggling and bantering with him and their friendship was definitely sealed. She thought he was delightful.
"Oh, ha! ha!" laughed Frieda. The idea really appealed to her. She started giggling and teasing him, and their friendship was definitely sealed. She thought he was charming.
CHAPTER XIV
The opportunity for further meetings seemed to come about quite naturally. The Witla boathouse, where the family kept one small boat, was at the foot of the Roth lawn, reached by a slightly used lane which came down that side of the house; and also by a grape-arbor which concealed the lake from the lower end of the house and made a sheltered walk to the waterside, at the end of which was a weather-beaten wooden bench. Eugene came here sometimes to get the boat to row or to fish. On several occasions Angela had accompanied him, but she did not care much for rowing or fishing and was perfectly willing that he should go alone if he wanted to. There was also the friendship of Miss Roth for Mr. and Mrs. Witla, which occasionally brought her and Frieda to the house. And Frieda came from time to time to his studio in the barn, to see him paint. Because of her youth and innocence Angela thought very little of her presence there, which struck Eugene as extremely fortunate. He was interested in her charms, anxious to make love to her in a philandering sort of way, without intending to do her any harm. It struck him as a little curious that he should find her living so near the spot where once upon a winter's night he had made love to Stella. There was something not unlike Stella about her, though she was softer, more whole souledly genial and pliable to his moods.
The opportunity for more meetings seemed to happen naturally. The Witla boathouse, where the family kept a small boat, was at the bottom of the Roth lawn, accessible by a worn path that ran down that side of the house; it could also be reached through a grape arbor that hid the lake from the lower end of the house and created a sheltered walk to the water's edge, where there was a weathered wooden bench. Eugene sometimes came here to take out the boat to row or fish. A few times, Angela had gone with him, but she wasn't really into rowing or fishing and was perfectly fine with him going alone if he wanted. There was also Miss Roth's friendship with Mr. and Mrs. Witla, which sometimes brought her and Frieda to the house. Frieda would visit him occasionally in his studio in the barn to watch him paint. Because of her youth and innocence, Angela paid little attention to her presence there, which Eugene found very lucky. He was interested in her charm and eager to flirt with her without intending to hurt her. He thought it was a bit strange that he found her living so close to where he had once made love to Stella on a winter night. There was something a bit like Stella about her, though she was softer, more genuinely cheerful, and adaptable to his moods.
He saw her one day, when he went for his boat, standing out in the yard, and she came down to the waterside to greet him.
He saw her one day when he went to get his boat, standing in the yard, and she came down to the water's edge to greet him.
"Well," he said, smiling at her fresh morning appearance, and addressing her with that easy familiarity with which he knew how to take youth and life generally, "we're looking as bright as a butterfly. I don't suppose we butterflies have to work very hard, do we?"
"Well," he said, smiling at her fresh morning look, and speaking to her with that casual friendliness he had for youth and life in general, "we're looking as bright as a butterfly. I guess we butterflies don’t have to work too hard, do we?"
"Oh, don't we," replied Frieda. "That's all you know."
"Oh, don't we," replied Frieda. "That's everything you know."
"Well, I don't know, that's true, but perhaps one of these butterflies will tell me. Now you, for instance."
"Well, I don't know if that's true, but maybe one of these butterflies will tell me. Now you, for example."
Frieda smiled. She scarcely knew how to take him, but she thought he was delightful. She hadn't the faintest conception either of the depth and subtlety of his nature or of the genial, kindly inconstancy of it. She only saw him as a handsome, smiling man, not at all too old, witty, good-natured, here by the bright green waters of this lake, pulling out his boat. He [Pg 279] looked so cheerful to her, so care free. She had him indissolubly mixed in her impressions with the freshness of the ground, the newness of the grass, the brightness of the sky, the chirping of the birds and even the little scintillating ripples on the water.
Frieda smiled. She hardly knew how to interpret him, but she found him charming. She had no idea about the complexity and depth of his character or about his warm, good-natured unpredictability. She only saw him as a handsome, smiling man, not at all too old, witty, and easygoing, standing by the bright green waters of the lake as he pulled out his boat. He [Pg 279] appeared so cheerful to her, so carefree. She combined her impressions of him with the freshness of the ground, the newness of the grass, the brightness of the sky, the chirping of the birds, and even the little sparkling ripples on the water.
"Butterflies never work, that I know," he said, refusing to take her seriously. "They just dance around in the sunlight and have a good time. Did you ever talk to a butterfly about that?"
"Butterflies don’t work, that’s for sure," he said, not taking her seriously. "They just flutter around in the sunlight and enjoy themselves. Have you ever asked a butterfly about that?"
Frieda merely smiled at him.
Frieda just smiled at him.
He pushed his boat into the water, holding it lightly by a rope, got down a pair of oars from a rack and stepped into it. Then he stood there looking at her.
He pushed his boat into the water, holding it gently by a rope, took down a pair of oars from a rack, and stepped inside. Then he stood there, looking at her.
"Have you lived in Alexandria long?" he asked.
"Have you lived in Alexandria for a long time?" he asked.
"About eight years now."
"About eight years now."
"Do you like it?"
"Do you like it?"
"Sometimes, not always. I wish we lived in Chicago. O-oh!" she sniffed, turning up her pretty nose, "isn't that lovely!" She was smelling some odor of flowers blown from a garden.
"Sometimes, not always. I wish we lived in Chicago. O-oh!" she sniffed, turning up her pretty nose, "isn't that lovely!" She was smelling the scent of flowers carried from a garden.
"Yes, I get it too. Geraniums, isn't it? They're blooming here, I see. A day like this sets me crazy." He sat down in his boat and put his oars in place.
"Yeah, I get it too. Geraniums, right? They're blooming here, I see. A day like this drives me crazy." He sat down in his boat and adjusted his oars.
"Well, I have to go and try my luck for whales. Wouldn't you like to go fishing?"
"Well, I have to go and try my luck at whale watching. Wouldn't you like to go fishing?"
"I would, all right," said Frieda, "only aunt wouldn't let me, I think. I'd just love to go. It's lots of fun, catching fish."
"I would, sure," said Frieda, "but I don't think Aunt would let me. I’d really love to go. It’s so much fun catching fish."
"Yes, catching fish," laughed Eugene. "Well, I'll bring you a nice little shark—one that bites. Would you like that? Down in the Atlantic Ocean they have sharks that bite and bark. They come up out of the water at night and bark like a dog."
"Yeah, catching fish," Eugene laughed. "Well, I'll bring you a nice little shark—one that bites. Would you like that? Down in the Atlantic Ocean, there are sharks that bite and bark. They come up out of the water at night and bark like a dog."
"O-o-oh, dear! how funny!" giggled Frieda, and Eugene began slowly rowing his boat lakeward.
"O-o-oh, wow! That's hilarious!" laughed Frieda, and Eugene started to paddle his boat slowly toward the lake.
"Be sure you bring me a nice fish," she called.
"Make sure you bring me a nice fish," she called.
"Be sure you're here to get it when I come back," he answered.
"Make sure you're here to get it when I return," he replied.
He saw her with the lattice of spring leaves behind her, the old house showing pleasantly on its rise of ground, some house-martens turning in the morning sky.
He saw her with the spring leaves framing her, the old house nicely positioned on the hill, and a few house martins swooping in the morning sky.
"What a lovely girl," he thought. "She's beautiful—as fresh as a flower. That is the one great thing in the world—the beauty of girlhood."
"What a lovely girl," he thought. "She's beautiful—like a fresh flower. That’s the most amazing thing in the world—the beauty of being young."
He came back after a time expecting to find her, but her foster-mother had sent her on an errand. He felt a keen sense of disappointment.
He came back after a while expecting to find her, but her foster mom had sent her on an errand. He felt a sharp sense of disappointment.
There were other meetings after this, once on a day when he [Pg 280] came back practically fishless and she laughed at him; once when he saw her sunning her hair on the back porch after she had washed it and she came down to stand under the trees near the water, looking like a naiad. He wished then he could take her in his arms, but he was a little uncertain of her and of himself. Once she came to his studio in the barn to bring him a piece of left-over dough which his mother had "turned" on the top of the stove.
There were other meetings after this, once on a day when he [Pg 280] came back almost empty-handed from fishing and she laughed at him; once when he saw her drying her hair on the back porch after she had washed it and she came down to stand under the trees near the water, looking like a water nymph. He wished then that he could take her in his arms, but he felt a little unsure about her and himself. Once she came to his studio in the barn to bring him a piece of leftover dough that his mom had saved on top of the stove.
"Eugene used to be crazy about that when he was a boy," his mother had remarked.
"Eugene was really into that when he was a kid," his mother had said.
"Oh, let me take it to him," said Frieda gaily, gleeful over the idea of the adventure.
"Oh, let me take it to him," Frieda said cheerfully, excited about the idea of the adventure.
"That's a good idea," said Angela innocently. "Wait, I'll put it on this saucer."
"That's a great idea," said Angela naively. "Hold on, I'll put it on this saucer."
Frieda took it and ran. She found Eugene staring oddly at his canvas, his face curiously dark. When her head came above the loft floor his expression changed immediately. His guileless, kindly smile returned.
Frieda took it and ran. She found Eugene staring strangely at his canvas, his face looking unusually serious. When her head came above the loft floor, his expression changed instantly. His genuine, friendly smile came back.
"Guess what," she said, pulling a little white apron she had on over the dish.
"Guess what," she said, pulling the little white apron she had on over the dish.
"Strawberries." They were in season.
"Strawberries." They were in season.
"Oh, no."
"Oh no."
"Peaches and cream."
"Peaches and cream."
"Where would we get peaches now?"
"Where can we find peaches now?"
"At the grocery store."
"At the grocery shop."
"I'll give you one more guess."
"I'll give you one more try."
"Angel cake!" He was fond of that, and Angela occasionally made it.
"Angel cake!" He loved that, and Angela would sometimes make it.
"Your guesses are all gone. You can't have any."
"Your guesses are all used up. You can't have any more."
He reached out his hand, but she drew back. He followed and she laughed. "No, no, you can't have any now."
He reached out his hand, but she pulled away. He pursued her and she laughed. "No, no, you can't have any now."
He caught her soft arm and drew her close to him. "Sure I can't?"
He grabbed her soft arm and pulled her close. "Are you sure I can't?"
Their faces were close together.
Their faces were inches apart.
She looked into his eyes for a moment, then dropped her lashes. Eugene's brain swirled with the sense of her beauty. It was the old talisman. He covered her sweet lips with his own and she yielded feverishly.
She gazed into his eyes for a moment, then lowered her lashes. Eugene's mind spun with the feeling of her beauty. It was the old charm. He pressed his lips against her soft ones, and she responded eagerly.
"There now, eat your dough," she exclaimed when he let her go, pushing it shamefacedly toward him. She was flustered—so much so that she failed to jest about it. "What would Mrs. Witla think," she added, "if she could see us?"
"There you go, eat your dough," she said as he released her, pushing it toward him with embarrassment. She was so flustered that she didn't even make a joke about it. "What would Mrs. Witla think," she continued, "if she could see us?"
Eugene paused solemnly and listened. He was afraid of Angela.
Eugene paused and listened intently. He was afraid of Angela.
[Pg 281] "I've always liked this stuff, ever since I was a boy," he said in an offhand way.
[Pg 281] "I've always enjoyed this kind of thing, ever since I was a kid," he said casually.
"So your mother said," replied Frieda, somewhat recovered. "Let me see what you're painting." She came round to his side and he took her hand. "I'll have to go now," she said wisely. "They'll be expecting me back."
"So your mom said," replied Frieda, feeling a bit better. "Let me see what you're painting." She moved to his side and he took her hand. "I need to go now," she said thoughtfully. "They'll be waiting for me."
Eugene speculated on the intelligence of girls—at least on that of those he liked. Somehow they were all wise under these circumstances—cautious. He could see that instinctively Frieda was prepared to protect him and herself. She did not appear to be suffering from any shock from this revelation. Rather she was inclined to make the best of it.
Eugene thought about how smart girls were—at least the ones he liked. They all seemed wise in this situation—careful. He could tell that Frieda was instinctively ready to protect herself and him. She didn't seem shaken by this news at all. Instead, she was inclined to make the best of it.
He folded her in his arms again.
He wrapped her in his arms again.
"You're the angel cake and the strawberries and the peaches and cream," he said.
"You're the angel food cake, the strawberries, and the peaches with cream," he said.
"Don't!" she pleaded. "Don't! I have to go now."
"Don't!" she begged. "Please! I need to leave now."
And when he released her she ran quickly down the stairs, giving him a swift, parting smile.
And when he let her go, she hurried down the stairs, giving him a quick smile as she left.
So Frieda was added to the list of his conquests and he pondered over it gravely. If Angela could have seen this scene, what a storm there would have been! If she ever became conscious of what was going on, what a period of wrath there would be! It would be terrible. After her recent discovery of his letters he hated to think of that. Still this bliss of caressing youth—was it not worth any price? To have a bright, joyous girl of eighteen put her arms about you—could you risk too much for it? The world said one life, one love. Could he accede to that? Could any one woman satisfy him? Could Frieda if he had her? He did not know. He did not care to think about it. Only this walking in a garden of flowers—how delicious it was. This having a rose to your lips!
So Frieda was added to his list of conquests, and he thought about it seriously. If Angela had seen this moment, there would have been a huge uproar! If she ever realized what was happening, it would lead to a storm of anger! That would be awful. After her recent finding of his letters, he dreaded even considering it. Still, this joy of young love—wasn't it worth any price? To have a bright, happy 18-year-old girl wrap her arms around you—could you risk too much for that? The world said one life, one love. Could he accept that? Could one woman ever be enough for him? Could Frieda be that woman if he had her? He didn’t know. He didn't want to think about it. Just walking in a garden full of flowers—how wonderful it felt. This having a rose to your lips!
Angela saw nothing of this attraction for some time. She was not prepared yet to believe, poor little depender on the conventions as she understood them, that the world was full of plots and counter-plots, snares, pitfalls and gins. The way of the faithful and well-meaning woman in marriage should be simple and easy. She should not be harassed by uncertainty of affection, infelicities of temper, indifference or infidelity. If she worked hard, as Angela was trying to do, trying to be a good wife, saving, serving, making a sacrifice of her time and services and moods and wishes for her husband's sake, why shouldn't he do the same for her? She knew of no double standard of virtue. If she had she would not have believed in it. Her parents had raised her to see marriage in a different [Pg 282] light. Her father was faithful to her mother. Eugene's father was faithful to his wife—that was perfectly plain. Her brothers-in-law were faithful to her sisters, Eugene's brothers-in-law were faithful to his sisters. Why should not Eugene be faithful to her?
Angela didn’t notice any of this attraction for a while. She wasn’t ready to believe, poor thing relying on the conventions she understood, that the world was full of schemes and counter-schemes, traps, pitfalls, and snares. A devoted and well-meaning woman in marriage should have a straightforward and easy path. She shouldn’t be troubled by doubts about affection, moodiness, indifference, or cheating. If she worked hard, like Angela was trying to do—being a good wife, saving, serving, and sacrificing her time, efforts, moods, and desires for her husband's sake—then why shouldn’t he do the same for her? She wasn’t aware of any double standard of virtue. If she had been, she wouldn’t have believed in it. Her parents had taught her to view marriage differently. Her father was faithful to her mother. Eugene’s father was faithful to his wife—that was obvious. Her brothers-in-law were faithful to her sisters, and Eugene's brothers-in-law were loyal to his sisters. So why shouldn’t Eugene be faithful to her?
So far, of course, she had no evidence to the contrary. He probably was faithful and would remain so. He had said so, but this pre-matrimonial philandering of his looked very curious. It was an astonishing thing that he could have deceived her so. She would never forget it. He was a genius to be sure. The world was waiting to hear what he had to say. He was a great man and should associate with great men, or, failing that, should not want to associate with anyone at all. It was ridiculous for him to be running around after silly women. She thought of this and decided to do her best to prevent it. The seat of the mighty was in her estimation the place for Eugene, with her in the foreground as a faithful and conspicuous acolyte, swinging the censer of praise and delight.
So far, of course, she had no evidence to suggest otherwise. He was probably faithful and would stay that way. He had claimed so, but his pre-marital flirting seemed really strange. It was surprising that he could have fooled her like that. She wouldn't forget it. He was definitely a genius. The world was eager to hear what he had to say. He was a great man and should be hanging out with other great men, or if not, he shouldn’t want to associate with anyone at all. It was absurd for him to be chasing after silly women. She thought about this and decided to do her best to stop it. In her view, the throne of the mighty was where Eugene belonged, with her by his side as a loyal and prominent supporter, swinging the censer of praise and admiration.
The days went on and various little meetings—some accidental, some premeditated—took place between Eugene and Frieda. There was one afternoon when he was at his sister's and she came there to get a pattern for her foster-mother from Sylvia. She lingered for over an hour, during which time Eugene had opportunities to kiss her a dozen times. The beauty of her eyes and her smile haunted him after she was gone. There was another time when he saw her at dusk near his boathouse, and kissed her in the shadow of the sheltering grape-arbor. In his own home there were clandestine moments and in his studio, the barn loft, for Frieda made occasion a few times to come to him—a promise to make a sketch of her being the excuse. Angela resented this, but she could not prevent it. In the main Frieda exhibited that curious patience in love which women so customarily exhibit and which a man can never understand. She could wait for her own to come to her—for him to find her; while he, with that curious avidness of the male in love, burned as a fed fire to see her. He was jealous of the little innocent walks she took with boys she knew. The fact that it was necessary for her to be away from him was a great deprivation. The fact that he was married to Angela was a horrible disaster. He would look at Angela, when she was with him, preventing him from his freedom in love, with almost calculated hate in his eyes. Why had he married her? As for Frieda, when she was near, and he could not draw near her, [Pg 283] his eyes followed her movements with a yearning, devouring glance. He was fairly beside himself with anguish under the spell of her beauty. Frieda had no notion of the consuming flame she had engendered.
The days went by, and Eugene and Frieda had various little meetings—some by chance, some planned. One afternoon, while he was at his sister’s place, she came over to get a pattern for her foster mom from Sylvia. She stayed for over an hour, during which Eugene had plenty of chances to kiss her a dozen times. The beauty of her eyes and her smile lingered in his mind even after she left. Another time, he saw her at dusk near his boathouse and kissed her in the shadow of the grape arbor. In his own home, there were secret moments, and in his studio and the barn loft, Frieda came to see him a few times, using her promise for him to do a sketch of her as an excuse. Angela didn’t like this, but she couldn’t stop it. Overall, Frieda showed the kind of patient love that women often have, which men can never fully understand. She could wait for him to come to her while he, with that eager desire men feel when in love, burned with a strong need to see her. He was jealous of the innocent little walks she took with boys she knew. The fact that she had to spend time away from him felt like a huge loss. The fact that he was married to Angela was a terrible mistake. He would look at Angela, when she was with him and holding him back from his freedom to love, with what felt like calculated hate. Why had he married her? As for Frieda, when she was nearby and he couldn’t get close to her, his eyes followed her every move with a longing, hungry gaze. He was almost driven mad with anguish under the spell of her beauty. Frieda had no idea of the intense desire she had sparked in him.
It was a simple thing to walk home with her from the post-office—quite accidentally on several occasions. It was a fortuitous thing that Anna Roth should invite Angela and himself, as well as his father and mother, to her house to dinner. On one occasion when Frieda was visiting at the Witla homestead, Angela thought Frieda stepped away from Eugene in a curiously disturbed manner when she came into the parlor. She was not sure. Frieda hung round him in a good-natured way most of the time when various members of the family were present. She wondered if by any chance he was making love to her, but she could not prove it. She tried to watch them from then on, but Eugene was so subtle, Frieda so circumspect, that she never did obtain any direct testimony. Nevertheless, before they left Alexandria there was a weeping scene over this, hysterical, tempestuous, in which she accused him of making love to Frieda, he denying it stoutly.
It was a simple thing to walk home with her from the post office—quite accidentally on several occasions. It was lucky that Anna Roth invited Angela and himself, along with his mom and dad, to her house for dinner. One time when Frieda was visiting at the Witla home, Angela thought Frieda stepped away from Eugene in a strangely disturbed way when she walked into the living room. She wasn’t sure. Frieda usually hung around him playfully when various family members were there. She wondered if he might be interested in her romantically, but she couldn’t prove it. She tried to keep an eye on them from then on, but Eugene was so subtle and Frieda so careful that she never got any solid evidence. Still, before they left Alexandria, there was a dramatic scene about this, tearful and intense, where she accused him of pursuing Frieda, and he strongly denied it.
"If it wasn't for your relatives' sake," she declared, "I would accuse her to her face, here before your eyes. She couldn't dare deny it."
"If it weren't for your family," she said, "I would confront her directly, right here in front of you. She wouldn't be able to deny it."
"Oh, you're crazy," said Eugene. "You're the most suspicious woman I ever knew. Good Lord! Can't I look at a woman any more? This little girl! Can't I even be nice to her?"
"Oh, you’re crazy," said Eugene. "You’re the most suspicious woman I’ve ever known. Good Lord! Can’t I look at a woman anymore? This little girl! Can’t I even be nice to her?"
"Nice to her? Nice to her? I know how you're nice to her. I can see! I can feel! Oh, God! Why can't you give me a faithful husband!"
"Nice to her? Nice to her? I know how you're nice to her. I can see it! I can feel it! Oh, God! Why can't you give me a faithful husband!"
"Oh, cut it out!" demanded Eugene defiantly. "You're always watching. I can't turn around but you have your eye on me. I can tell. Well, you go ahead and watch. That's all the good it will do you. I'll give you some real reason for watching one of these days. You make me tired!"
"Oh, stop it!" Eugene said defiantly. "You're always watching. I can't turn around without you keeping an eye on me. I can tell. Well, go ahead and watch. It's not going to help you. One of these days, I'll give you a real reason to watch. You're exhausting!"
"Oh, hear how he talks to me," moaned Angela, "and we're only married one year! Oh, Eugene, how can you? Have you no pity, no shame? Here in your own home, too! Oh! oh! oh!"
"Oh, listen to how he talks to me," complained Angela, "and we've only been married for a year! Oh, Eugene, how can you? Do you have no compassion, no sense of shame? Right here in your own home, too! Oh! oh! oh!"
To Eugene such hysterics were maddening. He could not understand how anyone should want or find it possible to carry on in this fashion. He was lying "out of the whole cloth" about Frieda, but Angela didn't know and he knew she didn't [Pg 284] know. All these tantrums were based on suspicion. If she would do this on a mere suspicion, what would she not do when she had a proved cause?
To Eugene, these outbursts were infuriating. He couldn't grasp why anyone would want to act like this or even think it was okay. He was completely fabricating stories about Frieda, but Angela was unaware, and he was certain she didn't know. All these fits were based on doubt. If she would behave this way over just a suspicion, what wouldn't she do if she had a legitimate reason? [Pg 284]
Still by her tears she as yet had the power of rousing his sympathies and awakening his sense of shame. Her sorrow made him slightly ashamed of his conduct or rather sorry, for the tougher nature was constantly presenting itself. Her suspicions made the further pursuit of this love quest practically impossible. Secretly he already cursed the day he had married her, for Frieda's face was ever before him, a haunting lure to love and desire. In this hour life looked terribly sad to him. He couldn't help feeling that all the perfect things one might seek or find were doomed to the searing breath of an inimical fate. Ashes of roses—that was all life had to offer. Dead sea fruit, turning to ashes upon the lips. Oh, Frieda! Frieda! Oh, youth, youth! That there should dance before him for evermore an unattainable desire—the holy grail of beauty. Oh life, oh death! Which was really better, waking or sleeping? If he could only have Frieda now it would be worth living, but without her—
Still, her tears had the power to stir his feelings and awaken his sense of shame. Her sorrow made him a bit ashamed of his behavior, or rather regretful, as his tougher nature kept showing itself. Her doubts made it nearly impossible to continue this love pursuit. Deep down, he already cursed the day he had married her, as Frieda's face lingered in his mind, a constant temptation for love and desire. In this moment, life seemed incredibly sad to him. He couldn’t shake the feeling that all the perfect things one might seek or find were destined to the harshness of an unfriendly fate. Ashes of roses—that was all life had to give. Dead sea fruit, turning to ashes on the lips. Oh, Frieda! Frieda! Oh, youth, youth! That an unattainable desire—the holy grail of beauty—should forever dance before him. Oh life, oh death! Which was truly better, waking or sleeping? If he could only have Frieda now, it would make life worth living, but without her—
CHAPTER XV
The weakness of Eugene was that he was prone in each of these new conquests to see for the time being the sum and substance of bliss, to rise rapidly in the scale of uncontrollable, exaggerated affection, until he felt that here and nowhere else, now and in this particular form was ideal happiness. He had been in love with Stella, with Margaret, with Ruby, with Angela, with Christina, and now with Frieda, quite in this way, and it had taught him nothing as yet concerning love except that it was utterly delightful. He wondered at times how it was that the formation of a particular face could work this spell. There was plain magic in the curl of a lock of hair, the whiteness or roundness of a forehead, the shapeliness of a nose or ear, the arched redness of full-blown petal lips. The cheek, the chin, the eye—in combination with these things—how did they work this witchery? The tragedies to which he laid himself open by yielding to these spells—he never stopped to think of them.
The flaw with Eugene was that he was easily swept away in each of these new romances, thinking that he had found the essence of happiness. He would quickly become overwhelmed by intense, exaggerated feelings of affection, believing that here and nowhere else, at this moment and in this particular way, was true happiness. He had fallen in love with Stella, Margaret, Ruby, Angela, Christina, and now Frieda, all in the same manner, and so far, it had only taught him that love was incredibly delightful. Sometimes, he wondered how a specific face could cast this spell. There was pure magic in a lock of hair, the smoothness or roundness of a forehead, the shape of a nose or ear, the vibrant red of full lips. The combination of the cheek, chin, and eye—how did they create this enchantment? He never stopped to consider the heartaches he exposed himself to by giving in to these charms.
It is a question whether the human will, of itself alone, ever has cured or ever can cure any human weakness. Tendencies are subtle things. They are involved in the chemistry of one's being, and those who delve in the mysteries of biology frequently find that curious anomaly, a form of minute animal life born to be the prey of another form of animal life—chemically and physically attracted to its own disaster. Thus, to quote Calkins, "some protozoa are apparently limited to special kinds of food. The 'slipper-animal' (Paramecium) and the 'bell-animal' (Vorticella) live on certain kinds of bacteria, and many others, which live upon smaller protozoa, seem to have a marked affinity for certain kinds. I have watched one of these creatures (Actinobolus) lie perfectly quiet while hundreds of bacteria and smaller kinds of protozoa bumped against it, until a certain variety (Halteria grandinella) came near, when a minute dart, or 'trochocyst,' attached to a relatively long thread, was launched. The victim was invariably hit, and after a short struggle was drawn in and devoured. The results of many experiments indicate that the apparently willful selection in these cases is the inevitable action of definite chemical and physical laws which the individual organism can no more change than it can change the course of gravitation. The [Pg 286] killing dart mentioned above is called out by the particular kind of prey with the irresistible attraction of an iron filing for a magnet."
It’s questionable whether human willpower alone has ever cured or can cure any human weakness. Tendencies are subtle. They’re part of the chemistry of our being, and those who explore the mysteries of biology often find a strange anomaly: a tiny organism destined to be prey for another type of organism—chemically and physically drawn to its own downfall. As Calkins notes, "some protozoa seem to be limited to specific types of food. The 'slipper animal' (Paramecium) and the 'bell animal' (Vorticella) feed on certain bacteria, while many others that consume smaller protozoa appear to have a strong preference for specific kinds. I have observed one of these creatures (Actinobolus) remain perfectly still while hundreds of bacteria and smaller protozoa bumped against it, until a particular variety (Halteria grandinella) came close, at which point a tiny dart, or 'trochocyst,' connected to a relatively long thread was launched. The target was always hit, and after a brief struggle, it was pulled in and eaten. Many experiments suggest that the seemingly wilful selection in these cases is just the result of specific chemical and physical laws that the organism can’t change any more than it can change the laws of gravity. The[Pg 286] lethal dart mentioned above is triggered by the specific kind of prey with the same irresistible pull as an iron filing to a magnet."
Eugene did not know of these curious biologic experiments at this time, but he suspected that these attractions were deeper than human will. He thought at times that he ought to resist his impulses. At other times he asked himself why. If his treasure was in this and he lost it by resistance, what had he? A sense of personal purity? It did not appeal to him. The respect of his fellow-citizens? He believed that most of his fellow-citizens were whited sepulchres. What good did their hypocritical respect do him? Justice to others? Others were not concerned, or should not be in the natural affinity which might manifest itself between two people. That was for them to settle. Besides, there was very little justice in the world. As for his wife—well, he had given her his word, but he had not done so willingly. Might one swear eternal fealty and abide by it when the very essence of nature was lack of fealty, inconsiderateness, destruction, change? A gloomy Hamlet to be sure, asking "can honor set a leg?"—a subtle Machiavelli believing that might made right, sure that it was a matter of careful planning, not ethics which brought success in this world, and yet one of the poorest planners in it. An anarchistic manifestation of selfishness surely; but his additional plea was that he did not make his own mind, nor his emotions, nor anything else. And worst of all, he counselled himself that he was not seizing anything ruthlessly. He was merely accepting that which was thrust temptingly before him by fate.
Eugene wasn’t aware of these strange biological experiments at the time, but he suspected that these attractions went deeper than just human desire. Sometimes he thought he should resist his impulses; other times he questioned why he should. If his true treasure lay in this and he lost it by resisting, what would he have left? A sense of personal purity? That didn’t appeal to him. The respect of his fellow citizens? He believed most of them were just empty shells. What good did their hypocritical respect do him? Justice for others? Others weren’t concerned, nor should they be, about the natural connection that might develop between two people. That was for them to figure out. Besides, there was very little justice in the world. As for his wife—he had given her his word, but it hadn’t been willingly. Can someone truly pledge lifelong loyalty and stick to it when the very nature of existence is rooted in betrayal, inconsideration, destruction, and change? A gloomy Hamlet, sure, asking "can honor support a leg?"—a subtle Machiavelli believing that power equals right, convinced that success in this world was a matter of strategic planning rather than ethics, and yet he was one of the worst planners around. An anarchistic display of selfishness, no doubt; but he also told himself that he didn’t create his own thoughts, or feelings, or anything else. And worst of all, he reassured himself that he wasn't ruthlessly seizing anything. He was just accepting what fate had temptingly placed before him.
Hypnotic spells of this character like contagion and fever have their period of duration, their beginning, climax and end. It is written that love is deathless, but this was not written of the body nor does it concern the fevers of desire. The marriage of true minds to which Shakespeare would admit no impediment is of a different texture and has little sex in it. The friendship of Damon and Pythias was a marriage in the best sense, though it concerned two men. The possibilities of intellectual union between a man and a woman are quite the same. This is deathless in so far as it reflects the spiritual ideals of the universe—not more so. All else is illusion of short duration and vanishes in thin air.
Hypnotic spells like contagion and fever have their own timelines, with a beginning, peak, and end. It’s said that love is everlasting, but this doesn’t apply to the body or the cravings of desire. The bond of true minds that Shakespeare believed should face no obstacles is different and isn’t very sexual. The friendship between Damon and Pythias was a marriage in the best sense, even though it was between two men. The potential for intellectual connection between a man and a woman is just as possible. This bond is timeless as it reflects the spiritual ideals of the universe—not more than that. Everything else is a fleeting illusion that disappears into thin air.
When the time came for Eugene to leave Alexandria as he had originally wanted to do, he was not at all anxious to depart; rather it was an occasion of great suffering for him. He could not see any solution to the problem which confronted [Pg 287] him in connection with Frieda's love for him. As a matter of fact, when he thought about it at all he was quite sure that she did not understand or appreciate the nature of her affection for him or his for her. It had no basis in responsibility. It was one of those things born of thin air—sunlight, bright waters, the reflection of a bright room—things which are intangible and insubstantial. Eugene was not one who, if he thought anything at all about it, would persuade a girl to immorality for the mere sake of indulgence. His feelings were invariably compounded of finer things, love of companionship, love of beauty, a variable sense of the consequences which must ensue, not so much to him as to her, though he took himself into consideration. If she were not already experienced and he had no method of protecting her, if he could not take her as his wife or give her the advantages of his presence and financial support, secretly or openly, if he could not keep all their transactions a secret from the world, he was inclined to hesitate. He did not want to do anything rash—as much for her sake as for his. In this case, the fact that he could not marry her, that he could not reasonably run away with her, seeing that he was mentally sick and of uncertain financial condition, the fact that he was surrounded by home conditions which made it of the greatest importance that he should conduct himself circumspectly, weighed greatly with him. Nevertheless a tragedy could easily have resulted here. If Frieda had been of a headstrong, unthinking nature; if Angela had been less watchful, morbid, appealing in her mood; if the family and town conditions had been less weighty; if Eugene had had health and ample means, he would probably have deserted Angela, taken Frieda to some European city—he dreamed of Paris in this connection—and found himself confronted later by an angry father or a growing realization that Frieda's personal charms were not the sum and substance of his existence, or both. George Roth, for all he was a traveling salesman, was a man of considerable determination. He might readily have ended the life of his daughter's betrayer—art reputation or no. He worshiped Frieda as the living image of his dead wife, and at best he would have been heartbroken.
When it was time for Eugene to leave Alexandria, as he had always wanted to do, he wasn't eager to go; instead, it was a moment of deep pain for him. He couldn't find any solution to the problem he faced regarding Frieda's feelings for him. Honestly, when he thought about it, he was pretty sure she didn’t truly understand or value what her affection for him meant, or what his feelings for her meant. It lacked any sense of responsibility. It was one of those emotions that seemed to come from nowhere—like sunshine, clear waters, or the light reflecting off a bright room—things that are intangible and insubstantial. Eugene wasn’t someone who would ever encourage a girl toward immorality just for the sake of pleasure. His emotions were always made up of deeper things: a love of companionship, a love of beauty, and a sense of the consequences that would follow—not just for him but mostly for her, although he did consider himself too. If she wasn’t already experienced and he couldn’t protect her, if he couldn’t take her as his wife or provide her with the benefits of his presence and financial support—whether secretly or openly—and if he couldn't keep their relationship a secret from the world, he was likely to hesitate. He didn’t want to act impulsively—for her sake as much as for his own. In this situation, the fact that he couldn’t marry her, that it wouldn’t be reasonable to run away with her since he was mentally unwell and financially unstable, and the importance of conducting himself carefully given his family situation weighed heavily on him. Still, a tragedy could have easily occurred. If Frieda had been headstrong and thoughtless, if Angela had been less vigilant, moody, and appealing; if the family and social pressures had been less intense; if Eugene had been healthy and financially secure, he would likely have left Angela, taken Frieda to some European city—he dreamed of Paris—and later found himself facing either an angry father or the painful realization that Frieda's charms weren't everything to him, or maybe both. George Roth, despite being a traveling salesman, was a man of strong resolve. He could have easily ended the life of the man who betrayed his daughter—reputation aside. He adored Frieda as the living embodiment of his deceased wife, and at the very least, he would have been heartbroken.
As it was, there was not much chance of this, for Eugene was not rash. He was too philosophic. Conditions might have arisen in which he would have shown the most foolhardy bravado, but not in his present state. There was not sufficient anguish in his own existence to drive him to action. He saw no clear way. So, in June, with Angela he took his departure [Pg 288] for Blackwood, pretending, to her, outward indifference as to his departure, but inwardly feeling as though his whole life were coming to nothing.
As it was, there wasn't much chance of this happening, because Eugene wasn't reckless. He was too thoughtful. There might have been circumstances that would have pushed him to act with total foolishness, but not in his current state. He didn't have enough pain in his life to motivate him. He couldn't see a clear path forward. So, in June, he left for Blackwood with Angela, pretending to be indifferent about his departure, but inside, he felt like his whole life was falling apart. [Pg 288]
When he reached Blackwood he was now, naturally, disgusted with the whole atmosphere of it. Frieda was not there. Alexandria, from having been the most wearisome sidepool of aimless inactivity, had suddenly taken on all the characteristics of paradise. The little lakes, the quiet streets, the court house square, his sister's home, Frieda's home, his own home, had been once more invested for him with the radiance of romance—that intangible glory of feeling which can have no existence outside the illusion of love. Frieda's face was everywhere in it, her form, the look of her eyes. He could see nothing there now save the glory of Frieda. It was as though the hard, weary face of a barren landscape were suddenly bathed in the soft effulgence of a midnight moon.
When he got to Blackwood, he was, of course, disgusted with the whole vibe. Frieda wasn’t there. Alexandria, which had been the most boring place full of pointless inactivity, suddenly felt like paradise. The little lakes, the quiet streets, the courthouse square, his sister’s house, Frieda’s house, his own home, all had once again taken on the glow of romance—that elusive feeling that only exists in the illusion of love. Frieda’s face was everywhere in it, her shape, the look in her eyes. He couldn’t see anything there now except the brilliance of Frieda. It was like the tough, tired face of a barren landscape suddenly lit up by the soft glow of a midnight moon.
As for Blackwood, it was as lovely as ever but he could not see it. The fact that his attitude had changed toward Angela for the time being made all the difference. He did not really hate her—he told himself that. She was not any different from that she had been, that was perfectly plain. The difference was in him. He really could not be madly in love with two people at once. He had entertained joint affections for Angela and Ruby, and Angela and Christina, but those were not the dominating fevers which this seemed to be. He could not for the time get the face of this girl out of his mind. He was sorry for Angela at moments. Then, because of her insistence on his presence with her—on her being in his company, "following him around" as he put it, he hated her. Dear Heaven! if he could only be free without injuring her. If he could only get loose. Think, at this moment he might be with Frieda walking in the sun somewhere, rowing on the lake at Alexandria, holding her in his arms. He would never forget how she looked the first morning she came into his barn studio at home—how enticing she was the first night he saw her at Sylvia's. What a rotten mess living was, anyhow. And so he sat about in the hammock at the Blue homestead, or swung in a swing that old Jotham had since put up for Marietta's beaux, or dreamed in a chair in the shade of the house, reading. He was dreary and lonely with just one ambition in the world—Frieda.
As for Blackwood, it was just as beautiful as ever, but he couldn't see it. His feelings toward Angela had changed, and that made all the difference. He didn’t really hate her—he told himself that. She hadn’t changed at all; that was clearly obvious. The change was in him. He couldn’t be madly in love with two people at the same time. He had once had feelings for Angela and Ruby, and Angela and Christina, but those weren’t the overwhelming emotions he was experiencing now. He just couldn’t get this girl’s face out of his mind. Sometimes he felt sorry for Angela. But then, because she insisted on being with him—“following him around,” as he put it—he grew to resent her. Dear God! If only he could be free without hurting her. If only he could escape. Just think, right now he could be with Frieda, walking in the sun somewhere, rowing on the lake at Alexandria, holding her in his arms. He would never forget how she looked the first morning she walked into his barn studio at home—how captivating she was the first night he saw her at Sylvia’s. What a mess life was, anyway. So there he sat in the hammock at the Blue homestead, or swung in a swing that old Jotham had put up for Marietta's suitors, or lounged in a chair in the shade of the house, reading. He felt dreary and lonely with only one ambition in the world—Frieda.
Meanwhile, as might be expected, his health was not getting any better. Instead of curing himself of those purely carnal expressions of passion which characterized his life with Angela, [Pg 289] the latter went on unbroken. One would have thought that his passion for Frieda would have interrupted this, but the presence of Angela, the comparatively enforced contact, her insistence on his attentions, broke down again and again the protecting barrier of distaste. Had he been alone, he would have led a chaste life until some new and available infatuation seized him. As it was there was no refuge either from himself or Angela, and the at times almost nauseating relationship went on and on.
Meanwhile, as expected, his health was not improving. Instead of freeing himself from the physical expressions of desire that defined his relationship with Angela, [Pg 289] that continued without interruption. One might have thought that his feelings for Frieda would have changed this, but the presence of Angela, the constant forced interaction, and her demand for his attention repeatedly shattered the protective barrier of his disgust. If he had been on his own, he would have chosen a celibate life until a new and available crush caught his interest. As it was, there was no escape from either himself or Angela, and their sometimes nearly overwhelming relationship dragged on.
Those of the Blue family, who were in the home or near it, were delighted to see him. The fact that he had achieved such a great success, as the papers had reported, with his first exhibition and had not lost ground with the second—a very interesting letter had come from M. Charles saying that the Paris pictures would be shown in Paris in July—gave them a great estimate of him. Angela was a veritable queen in this home atmosphere; and as for Eugene, he was given the privilege of all geniuses to do as he pleased. On this occasion Eugene was the centre of interest, though he appeared not to be, for his four solid Western brothers-in-law gave no indication that they thought he was unusual. He was not their type—banker, lawyer, grain merchant and real estate dealer—but they felt proud of him just the same. He was different, and at the same time natural, genial, modest, inclined to appear far more interested in their affairs than he really was. He would listen by the hour to the details of their affairs, political, financial, agricultural, social. The world was a curious compost to Eugene and he was always anxious to find out how other people lived. He loved a good story, and while he rarely told one he made a splendid audience for those who did. His eyes would sparkle and his whole face light with the joy of the humor he felt.
Those in the Blue family, whether at home or nearby, were thrilled to see him. The fact that he had achieved such great success, as reported in the papers, with his first exhibition and hadn’t lost momentum with the second—a very interesting letter had come from M. Charles saying that the Paris pictures would be shown in Paris in July—made them hold him in high regard. Angela was like a queen in this home environment; as for Eugene, he enjoyed the freedom that all geniuses have to do as they please. On this occasion, Eugene was the center of attention, even though he didn’t seem to be, as his four solid Western brothers-in-law did not show any indication that they found him remarkable. He wasn’t their type—banker, lawyer, grain merchant, and real estate dealer—but they felt proud of him nonetheless. He was different, yet natural, friendly, humble, and appeared far more interested in their lives than he really was. He could listen for hours to the details of their lives—political, financial, agricultural, social. To Eugene, the world was a fascinating mix, and he was always eager to learn how other people lived. He loved a good story, and while he rarely told one himself, he was a fantastic audience for those who did. His eyes would light up, and his entire face would glow with the joy of the humor he experienced.
Through all this—the attention he was receiving, the welcome he was made to feel, the fact that his art interests were not yet dead (the Paris exhibition being the expiring breath of his original burst of force), he was nevertheless feeling the downward trend of his affairs most keenly. His mind was not right. That was surely true. His money affairs were getting worse, not better, for while he could hope for a few sales yet (the Paris pictures did not sell in New York) he was not certain that this would be the case. This homeward trip had cost him two hundred of his seventeen hundred dollars and there would be additional expenses if he went to Chicago, as he planned in the fall. He could not live a single year on fifteen hundred dollars—scarcely more than six months, and he could [Pg 290] not paint or illustrate anything new in his present state. Additional sales of the pictures of the two original exhibitions must be effected in a reasonable length of time or he would find himself in hard straits.
Through all this—the attention he was receiving, the warm welcome he experienced, and the fact that his passion for art was still alive (the Paris exhibition being the last gasp of his initial burst of energy)—he was still acutely aware of how his situation was declining. He definitely wasn't in the right mindset. That much was clear. His finances were getting worse instead of better, because while he could still hope for a few sales (the Paris pictures didn’t sell in New York), he wasn’t sure that would actually happen. This trip home had already cost him two hundred of his seventeen hundred dollars, and there would be more expenses if he went to Chicago as he planned in the fall. He couldn’t survive a whole year on fifteen hundred dollars—barely more than six months—and at that moment, he couldn’t create or illustrate anything new. He needed to sell the pieces from the two original exhibitions in a reasonable timeframe or he would find himself in serious trouble.
Meanwhile, Angela, who had obtained such a high estimate of his future by her experience in New York and Paris, was beginning to enjoy herself again, for after all, in her judgment, she seemed to be able to manage Eugene very well. He might have had some slight understanding with Frieda Roth—it couldn't have been much or she would have seen it, she thought—but she had managed to break it up. Eugene was cross, naturally, but that was due more to her quarreling than anything else. These storms of feeling on her part—not always premeditated—seemed very essential. Eugene must be made to understand that he was married now; that he could not look upon or run after girls as he had in the old days. She was well aware that he was considerably younger than she was in temperament, inclined to be exceedingly boyish, and this was apt to cause trouble anywhere. But if she watched over him, kept his attention fixed on her, everything would come out all right. And then there were all these other delightful qualities—his looks, his genial manner, his reputation, his talent. What a delightful thing it had become to announce herself as Mrs. Eugene Witla and how those who knew about him sat up. Big people were his friends, artists admired him, common, homely, everyday people thought he was nice and considerate and able and very worth while. He was generally liked everywhere. What more could one want?
Meanwhile, Angela, who had a really high opinion of his future based on her experiences in New York and Paris, was starting to enjoy herself again. After all, in her view, she seemed to be managing Eugene quite well. He might have had a little something going on with Frieda Roth—it couldn’t have been anything serious or she would have noticed, she thought—but she had managed to put a stop to it. Eugene was understandably upset, but that was more because of their arguments than anything else. These emotional outbursts from her—not always planned—felt very necessary. Eugene needed to understand that he was married now; he couldn’t be looking at or chasing after girls like he used to. She knew very well that he was quite a bit younger than her in demeanor, often very boyish, and that could lead to problems. But if she kept an eye on him and held his attention, everything would work out fine. And then there were all these other wonderful qualities—his looks, his friendly nature, his reputation, his talent. It was such a pleasure to introduce herself as Mrs. Eugene Witla and see how those who knew about him took notice. Important people were his friends, artists admired him, and regular, everyday folks thought he was nice, considerate, capable, and truly valuable. He was generally well-liked everywhere. What more could one want?
Angela knew nothing of his real thoughts, for because of sympathy, a secret sense of injustice toward her on his part, a vigorous, morbid impression of the injustice of life as a whole, a desire to do things in a kindly or at least a secret and not brutal way, he was led to pretend at all times that he really cared for her; to pose as being comfortable and happy; to lay all his moods to his inability to work. Angela, who could not read him clearly, saw nothing of this. He was too subtle for her understanding at times. She was living in a fool's paradise; playing over a sleeping volcano.
Angela knew nothing of his true thoughts. Because of his compassion, a hidden sense of unfairness towards her, a strong, unhealthy awareness of life's overall injustices, and a wish to act kindly—or at least discreetly and not harshly—he felt compelled to always pretend that he genuinely cared for her. He acted as if he were comfortable and happy, attributing all his moods to his inability to work. Angela, who couldn't read him clearly, was oblivious to all of this. He was sometimes too complex for her to understand. She was living in a fool's paradise, dancing over a hidden volcano.
He grew no better and by fall began to get the notion that he could do better by living in Chicago. His health would come back to him there perhaps. He was terribly tired of Blackwood. The long tree-shaded lawn was nothing to him now. The little lake, the stream, the fields that he had rejoiced in at first were to a great extent a commonplace. Old Jotham was [Pg 291] a perpetual source of delight to him with his kindly, stable, enduring attitude toward things and his interesting comment on life, and Marietta entertained him with her wit, her good nature, her intuitive understanding; but he could not be happy just talking to everyday, normal, stable people, interesting and worthwhile as they might be. The doing of simple things, living a simple life, was just now becoming irritating. He must go to London, Paris—do things. He couldn't loaf this way. It mattered little that he could not work. He must try. This isolation was terrible.
He wasn't getting any better and by fall he started to think that he could do better by moving to Chicago. Maybe his health would return there. He was really tired of Blackwood. The long, tree-shaded lawn didn't mean anything to him anymore. The little lake, the stream, and the fields that he had once loved now felt pretty ordinary. Old Jotham was a constant source of joy for him with his friendly, steady, and enduring outlook on life, and Marietta kept him entertained with her humor, kindness, and keen understanding; but he couldn't be satisfied just chatting with everyday, normal, stable people, no matter how interesting and worthwhile they were. Doing simple things and living a simple life was starting to annoy him. He needed to go to London, Paris—experience things. He couldn't just lounge around like this. It didn’t matter that he couldn’t work. He had to try. This isolation was awful.
There followed six months spent in Chicago in which he painted not one picture that was satisfactory to him, that was not messed into nothingness by changes and changes and changes. There were then three months in the mountains of Tennessee because someone told him of a wonderfully curative spring in a delightful valley where the spring came as a dream of color and the expense of living was next to nothing. There were four months of summer in southern Kentucky on a ridge where the air was cool, and after that five months on the Gulf of Mexico, at Biloxi, in Mississippi, because some comfortable people in Kentucky and Tennessee told Angela of this delightful winter resort farther South. All this time Eugene's money, the fifteen hundred dollars he had when he left Blackwood, several sums of two hundred, one hundred and fifty and two hundred and fifty, realized from pictures sold in New York and Paris during the fall and winter following his Paris exhibition, and two hundred which had come some months afterward from a fortuitous sale by M. Charles of one of his old New York views, had been largely dissipated. He still had five hundred dollars, but with no pictures being sold and none painted he was in a bad way financially in so far as the future was concerned. He could possibly return to Alexandria with Angela and live cheaply there for another six months, but because of the Frieda incident both he and she objected to it. Angela was afraid of Frieda and was resolved that she would not go there so long as Frieda was in the town, and Eugene was ashamed because of the light a return would throw on his fading art prospects. Blackwood was out of the question to him. They had lived on her parents long enough. If he did not get better he must soon give up this art idea entirely, for he could not live on trying to paint.
He spent six months in Chicago during which he didn't create a single piece he was happy with; every attempt just turned into chaos with endless revisions. Then he spent three months in the Tennessee mountains because someone had told him about a healing spring in a beautiful valley where the scenery was vibrant and living expenses were low. After that, he spent four months in southern Kentucky on a cool ridge, and then five months on the Gulf of Mexico in Biloxi, Mississippi, because some well-off folks from Kentucky and Tennessee had recommended this lovely winter spot further south. During all this time, Eugene's money—his initial fifteen hundred dollars from leaving Blackwood, along with several amounts he earned from selling paintings in New York and Paris after his exhibition—had been mostly spent. He still had five hundred dollars left, but with no paintings selling and none created, his financial future looked grim. He could potentially go back to Alexandria with Angela and live cheaply for another six months, but because of the Frieda situation, neither wanted to. Angela was scared of Frieda and was determined not to return as long as she was in town, and Eugene felt ashamed of what a return would imply for his dwindling art career. Blackwood was not an option for him. They had relied on her parents long enough. If he didn't improve, he would have to give up on his art dream entirely because he couldn't sustain himself just by trying to paint.
He began to think that he was possessed—obsessed of a devil—and that some people were pursued by evil spirits, fated by stars, doomed from their birth to failure or accident. How did the [Pg 292] astrologer in New York know that he was to have four years of bad luck? He had seen three of them already. Why did a man who read his palm in Chicago once say that his hand showed two periods of disaster, just as the New York astrologer had and that he was likely to alter the course of his life radically in the middle portion of it? Were there any fixed laws of being? Did any of the so-called naturalistic school of philosophers and scientists whom he had read know anything at all? They were always talking about the fixed laws of the universe—the unalterable laws of chemistry and physics. Why didn't chemistry or physics throw some light on his peculiar physical condition, on the truthful prediction of the astrologer, on the signs and portents which he had come to observe for himself as foretelling trouble or good fortune for himself. If his left eye twitched he had observed of late he was going to have a quarrel with someone—invariably Angela. If he found a penny or any money, he was going to get money; for every notification of a sale of a picture with the accompanying check had been preceded by the discovery of a coin somewhere: once a penny in State Street, Chicago, on a rainy day—M. Charles wrote that a picture had been sold in Paris for two hundred; once a three-cent piece of the old American issue in the dust of a road in Tennessee—M. Charles wrote that one of his old American views had brought one hundred and fifty; once a penny in sands by the Gulf in Biloxi—another notification of a sale. So it went. He found that when doors squeaked, people were apt to get sick in the houses where they were; and a black dog howling in front of a house was a sure sign of death. He had seen this with his own eyes, this sign which his mother had once told him of as having been verified in her experience, in connection with the case of a man who was sick in Biloxi. He was sick, and a dog came running along the street and stopped in front of this place—a black dog—and the man died. Eugene saw this with his own eyes,—that is, the dog and the sick man's death notice. The dog howled at four o'clock in the afternoon and the next morning the man was dead. He saw the crape on the door. Angela mocked at his superstition, but he was convinced. "There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy."
He started to think he was possessed—obsessed by a devil—and that some people were chased by evil spirits, doomed by the stars, destined from birth to fail or face accidents. How did the [Pg 292] astrologer in New York know he was going to have four years of bad luck? He had already experienced three of them. Why did a guy who read his palm in Chicago once say that his hand showed two periods of disaster, just like the New York astrologer did, and that he was likely to drastically change the course of his life in the middle of it? Were there any fixed laws of existence? Did any of the so-called naturalistic philosophers and scientists he had read know anything at all? They were always talking about the fixed laws of the universe—the unchangeable laws of chemistry and physics. Why didn’t chemistry or physics shed any light on his unusual physical condition, the accurate prediction from the astrologer, or the signs and omens he had started to notice that seemed to signal trouble or good luck for him? If his left eye twitched, he noticed lately it meant he was going to have a fight with someone—always Angela. If he found a penny or any money, it meant he would receive money; every time he got a sale notification for a painting accompanied by a check, it had been preceded by finding a coin somewhere: once a penny on State Street, Chicago, on a rainy day—M. Charles wrote that a painting sold in Paris for two hundred; once a three-cent piece from the old American coinage in the dust of a road in Tennessee—M. Charles said one of his old American views fetched one hundred and fifty; once a penny in the sand by the Gulf in Biloxi—another sale notification. This pattern continued. He noticed that when doors squeaked, people often got sick in those houses; and a black dog howling in front of a house was a definite sign of death. He witnessed this firsthand, a sign his mother once told him about that she had confirmed in her own experience, connected to the case of a man who was ill in Biloxi. He was sick, and a dog came running down the street, stopping in front of this house—a black dog—right before the man died. Eugene saw this himself—that is, the dog and the sick man's death notice. The dog howled at four o’clock in the afternoon, and the next morning the man was dead. He saw the black cloth on the door. Angela laughed at his superstition, but he was convinced. "There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy."
CHAPTER XVI
Eugene was reaching the point where he had no more money and was compelled to think by what process he would continue to make a living in the future. Worry and a hypochondriacal despair had reduced his body to a comparatively gaunt condition. His eyes had a nervous, apprehensive look. He would walk about speculating upon the mysteries of nature, wondering how he was to get out of this, what was to become of him, how soon, if ever, another picture would be sold, when? Angela, from having fancied that his illness was a mere temporary indisposition, had come to feel that he might be seriously affected for some time. He was not sick physically: he could walk and eat and talk vigorously enough, but he could not work and he was worrying, worrying, worrying.
Eugene was reaching a point where he had no money left and needed to figure out how he would make a living in the future. Worry and a sense of despair had left him looking quite gaunt. His eyes had a nervous, anxious expression. He would wander around contemplating the mysteries of life, wondering how he would get out of this situation, what would happen to him, and when, if ever, he would sell another painting. Angela had gone from thinking his illness was just a temporary issue to realizing that he might be struggling for a while. He wasn't physically ill—he could walk, eat, and talk just fine—but he couldn't work, and he was consumed by worry, worry, worry.
Angela was quite as well aware as Eugene that their finances were in a bad way or threatening to become so, though he said nothing at all about them. He was ashamed to confess at this day, after their very conspicuous beginning in New York, that he was in fear of not doing well. How silly—he with all his ability! Surely he would get over this, and soon.
Angela was just as aware as Eugene that their finances were struggling or about to get worse, even though he didn’t say anything about it. He was embarrassed to admit now, after their very noticeable start in New York, that he was afraid of not succeeding. How silly—he with all his talent! Surely he would overcome this, and soon.
Angela's economical upbringing and naturally saving instinct stood her in good stead now, for she could market with the greatest care, purchase to the best advantage, make every scrap and penny count. She knew how to make her own clothes, as Eugene had found out when he first visited Blackwood, and was good at designing hats. Although she had thought in New York, when Eugene first began to make money, that now she would indulge in tailor-made garments and the art of an excellent dressmaker, she had never done so. With true frugality she had decided to wait a little while, and then Eugene's health having failed she had not the chance any more. Fearing the possible long duration of this storm she had begun to mend and clean and press and make over whatever seemed to require it. Even when Eugene suggested that she get something new she would not do it. Her consideration for their future—the difficulty he might have in making a living, deterred her.
Angela's practical upbringing and natural instinct to save worked to her advantage now, as she could shop very thoughtfully, buy smartly, and make every scrap and penny count. She knew how to sew her own clothes, something Eugene discovered during his first visit to Blackwood, and she was talented at designing hats. Although she initially thought that once Eugene started making money in New York, she would treat herself to custom-made clothes and the skills of a top-notch dressmaker, she never actually did. True to her frugal nature, she decided to hold off for a while, and when Eugene's health declined, the opportunity vanished. Concerned about the possibility of a prolonged struggle, she started to repair, clean, press, and repurpose anything that needed it. Even when Eugene suggested that she buy something new, she refused. Her concern for their future and the challenges he might face in supporting them held her back.
Eugene noted this, though he said nothing. He was not unaware of the fear that she felt, the patience she exhibited, the sacrifice she made of her own whims and desires to his, and he [Pg 294] was not entirely unappreciative. It was becoming very apparent to him that she had no life outside his own—no interests. She was his shadow, his alter ego, his servant, his anything he wanted her to be. "Little Pigtail" was one of his jesting pet names for her because in the West as a boy they had always called anyone who ran errands for others a pigtailer. In playing "one old cat," if one wanted another to chase the struck balls he would say: "You pig-tail for me, Willie, will you?" And Angela was his "little pigtail."
Eugene noticed this, but he didn’t say anything. He was aware of the fear she had, the patience she showed, and the way she sacrificed her own wants and desires for his, and he wasn’t completely unappreciative of it. It was becoming very clear to him that she had no life outside of his—no interests. She was his shadow, his alter ego, his servant, anything he wanted her to be. "Little Pigtail" was one of his joking nicknames for her because back in the West, when he was a boy, they used to call anyone who ran errands for others a pigtailer. While playing "one old cat," if someone wanted another to chase the struck balls, they would say: "You pig-tail for me, Willie, will you?" And Angela was his "little pigtail."
There were no further grounds for jealousy during the time, almost two years, in which they were wandering around together, for the reason that she was always with him, almost his sole companion, and that they did not stay long enough in any one place and under sufficiently free social conditions to permit him to form those intimacies which might have resulted disastrously. Some girls did take his eye—the exceptional in youth and physical perfection were always doing that, but he had no chance or very little of meeting them socially. They were not living with people they knew, were not introduced in the local social worlds, which they visited. Eugene could only look at these maidens whom he chanced to spy from time to time, and wish that he might know them better. It was hard to be tied down to a conventional acceptance of matrimony—to pretend that he was interested in beauty only in a sociological way. He had to do it before Angela though (and all conventional people for that matter), for she objected strenuously to the least interest he might manifest in any particular woman. All his remarks had to be general and guarded in their character. At the least show of feeling or admiration Angela would begin to criticize his choice and to show him wherein his admiration was ill-founded. If he were especially interested she would attempt to tear his latest ideal to pieces. She had no mercy, and he could see plainly enough on what her criticism was based. It made him smile but he said nothing. He even admired her for her heroic efforts to hold her own, though every victory she seemed to win served only to strengthen the bars of his own cage.
There were no more reasons for jealousy during the nearly two years they spent wandering together, because she was always with him, almost his only companion. They didn’t stay long in any one place or in social settings that were free enough for him to build any relationships that could have turned out badly. Some girls caught his eye—those who were exceptional in youth and physical beauty always did—but he hardly had any chance to meet them socially. They weren’t living with people they knew and weren’t introduced to the local social circles they visited. Eugene could only admire these girls he occasionally spotted and wish he could get to know them better. It was tough to be stuck in a conventional view of marriage—pretending he was only interested in beauty on a sociological level. He had to do this in front of Angela (and all conventional people, for that matter), since she strongly objected to any signs of interest he might show towards a particular woman. All his comments had to be general and careful. At the slightest hint of feeling or admiration, Angela would start criticizing his preferences and point out where his admiration was misplaced. If he seemed especially interested, she would try to tear apart his latest ideal. She showed no mercy, and he could clearly see the basis of her criticisms. It made him smile, but he said nothing. He even admired her for her determined efforts to assert herself, even though every victory she appeared to achieve only reinforced the bars of his own cage.
It was during this time that he could not help learning and appreciating just how eager, patient and genuine was her regard for his material welfare. To her he was obviously the greatest man in the world, a great painter, a great thinker, a great lover, a great personality every way. It didn't make so much difference to her at this time that he wasn't making any money. He would sometime, surely, and wasn't she getting it all in fame anyhow, now? Why, to be Mrs. Eugene Witla, after [Pg 295] what she had seen of him in New York and Paris, what more could she want? Wasn't it all right for her to rake and scrape now, to make her own clothes and hats, save, mend, press and patch? He would come out of all this silly feeling about other women once he became a little older, and then he would be all right. Anyhow he appeared to love her now; and that was something. Because he was lonely, fearsome, uncertain of himself, uncertain of the future, he welcomed these unsparing attentions on her part, and this deceived her. Who else would give them to him, he thought; who else would be so faithful in times like these? He almost came to believe that he could love her again, be faithful to her, if he could keep out of the range of these other enticing personalities. If only he could stamp out this eager desire for other women, their praise and their beauty!
It was during this time that he couldn't help but notice how eager, patient, and genuine her concern for his well-being was. To her, he was clearly the greatest man in the world—a great painter, a great thinker, a great lover, a great personality in every sense. At that moment, it didn’t matter to her that he wasn’t earning any money. He would eventually, surely, and wasn't she already benefiting from his fame? To be Mrs. Eugene Witla, after everything she had seen of him in New York and Paris, what more could she ask for? Wasn't it okay for her to struggle a bit, to make her own clothes and hats, to save, mend, press, and patch? He would move past this silly infatuation with other women once he got a bit older, and then everything would be fine. Anyway, he seemed to love her now, and that was something. Because he felt lonely, afraid, unsure of himself, and uncertain about the future, he welcomed her unwavering attention, and this misled her. Who else would give him that, he thought; who else would be so loyal in times like these? He almost started to believe that he could love her again, be faithful to her, if only he could avoid the pull of those other enticing personalities. If only he could stamp out this intense desire for other women, their admiration, and their beauty!
But this was more because he was sick and lonely than anything else. If he had been restored to health then and there, if prosperity had descended on him as he so eagerly dreamed, it would have been the same as ever. He was as subtle as nature itself; as changeable as a chameleon. But two things were significant and real—two things to which he was as true and unvarying as the needle to the pole—his love of the beauty of life which was coupled with his desire to express it in color, and his love of beauty in the form of the face of a woman, or rather that of a girl of eighteen. That blossoming of life in womanhood at eighteen!—there was no other thing under the sun like it to him. It was like the budding of the trees in spring; the blossoming of flowers in the early morning; the odor of roses and dew, the color of bright waters and clear jewels. He could not be faithless to that. He could not get away from it. It haunted him like a joyous vision, and the fact that the charms of Stella and Ruby and Angela and Christina and Frieda in whom it had been partially or wholly shadowed forth at one time or another had come and gone, made little difference. It remained clear and demanding. He could not escape it—the thought; he could not deny it. He was haunted by this, day after day, and hour after hour; and when he said to himself that he was a fool, and that it would lure him as a will-o'-the-wisp to his destruction and that he could find no profit in it ultimately, still it would not down. The beauty of youth; the beauty of eighteen! To him life without it was a joke, a shabby scramble, a work-horse job, with only silly material details like furniture and houses and steel cars and stores all involved in a struggle for what? To make a habitation for more shabby humanity? Never! To make a habitation for beauty? Certainly! What beauty? The beauty [Pg 296] of old age?—How silly! The beauty of middle age? Nonsense! The beauty of maturity? No! The beauty of youth? Yes. The beauty of eighteen. No more and no less. That was the standard, and the history of the world proved it. Art, literature, romance, history, poetry—if they did not turn on this and the lure of this and the wars and sins because of this, what did they turn on? He was for beauty. The history of the world justified him. Who could deny it?
But this was more due to his sickness and loneliness than anything else. If he had been healed right then and there, if good fortune had come to him as he longed for, it would have been the same as always. He was as complex as nature itself; as variable as a chameleon. But two things were significant and real—two things to which he was as constant as a compass needle to the north—his love for the beauty of life paired with his desire to express it in color, and his love for beauty in the form of a woman’s face, or rather that of an eighteen-year-old girl. That blossoming of life into womanhood at eighteen!—there was nothing else on earth like it to him. It was like the budding of trees in spring; the blooming of flowers in the early morning; the scent of roses and dew, the colors of sparkling waters and clear jewels. He couldn’t be disloyal to that. He couldn’t escape it. It lingered in his mind like a joyful vision, and the fact that the charms of Stella, Ruby, Angela, Christina, and Frieda—each of whom had partially or wholly embodied this at one time or another—had come and gone, made little difference. It remained clear and demanding. He couldn’t escape the thought; he couldn’t deny it. He was haunted by this, day after day, and hour after hour; and when he told himself he was a fool, that it would lead him like a will-o'-the-wisp to his ruin and that he could find no benefit in it ultimately, still it wouldn’t fade away. The beauty of youth; the beauty of eighteen! For him, life without it was a joke, a shabby scramble, a workhorse existence, filled only with trivial details like furniture and houses and steel cars and stores all fighting for what? To create a home for more shabby humanity? Never! To create a home for beauty? Certainly! What beauty? The beauty of old age?—How ridiculous! The beauty of middle age? Nonsense! The beauty of maturity? No! The beauty of youth? Yes. The beauty of eighteen. No more and no less. That was the standard, and the history of the world proved it. Art, literature, romance, history, poetry—if they didn’t revolve around this and the allure it brings and the conflicts and sins it causes, what did they revolve around? He was for beauty. The history of the world justified him. Who could deny it? [Pg 296]
CHAPTER XVII
From Biloxi, because of the approach of summer when it would be unbearably warm there, and because his funds were so low that it was necessary to make a decisive move of some kind whether it led to complete disaster or not, he decided to return to New York. In storage with Kellners (M. Charles had kindly volunteered to take care of them for him) were a number of the pictures left over from the original show, and nearly all the paintings of the Paris exhibition. The latter had not sold well. Eugene's idea was that he could slip into New York quietly, take a room in some side street or in Jersey City or Brooklyn where he would not be seen, have the pictures in the possession of M. Charles returned to him, and see if he could not get some of the minor art dealers or speculators of whom he had heard to come and look at them and buy them outright. Failing that, he might take them himself, one by one, to different dealers here and there and dispose of them. He remembered now that Eberhard Zang had, through Norma Whitmore, asked him to come and see him. He fancied that, as Kellners had been so interested, and the newspaper critics had spoken of him so kindly the smaller dealers would be eager to take up with him. Surely they would buy this material. It was exceptional—very. Why not?
From Biloxi, with summer approaching and the temperatures set to become unbearable, and since his funds were so low that he had to make a significant decision regardless of the potential for disaster, he decided to go back to New York. He had a number of paintings from the original show and nearly all the pieces from the Paris exhibition stored with Kellners (M. Charles had kindly volunteered to look after them for him). The Paris works hadn’t sold well. Eugene thought he could secretly slip into New York, rent a room on a side street or maybe in Jersey City or Brooklyn where he wouldn't be noticed, retrieve the paintings from M. Charles, and see if he could get some of the smaller art dealers or speculators he had heard about to come check them out and buy them outright. If that didn't work, he could take the pieces one by one to various dealers and sell them. He remembered that Eberhard Zang had, through Norma Whitmore, asked him to visit. He believed that since Kellners had shown so much interest and the newspaper critics had been so supportive, the smaller dealers would be eager to work with him. Surely, they would want to buy this exceptional material. Why wouldn’t they?
Eugene forgot or did not know the metaphysical side of prosperity and failure. He did not realize that "as a man thinketh so is he," and so also is the estimate of the whole world at the time he is thinking of himself thus—not as he is but as he thinks he is. The sense of it is abroad—by what processes we know not, but so it is.
Eugene forgot or didn't understand the deeper meaning of success and failure. He didn't realize that "as a man thinks, so is he," and that the way the world sees him at that moment is based not on who he really is, but on how he perceives himself. The truth of this is out there—how it works, we don’t know, but it’s definitely true.
Eugene's mental state, so depressed, so helpless, so fearsome—a rudderless boat in the dark, transmitted itself as an impression, a wireless message to all those who knew him or knew of him. His breakdown, which had first astonished M. Charles, depressed and then weakened the latter's interest in him. Like all other capable, successful men in the commercial world M. Charles was for strong men—men in the heyday of their success, the zenith of their ability. The least variation from this standard of force and interest was noticeable to him. If a man was going to fail—going to get sick and lose his interest in life or have [Pg 298] his viewpoint affected, it might be very sad, but there was just one thing to do under such circumstances—get away from him. Failures of any kind were dangerous things to countenance. One must not have anything to do with them. They were very unprofitable. Such people as Temple Boyle and Vincent Beers, who had been his instructors in the past and who had heard of him in Chicago at the time of his success, Luke Severas, William McConnell, Oren Benedict, Hudson Dula, and others wondered what had become of him. Why did he not paint any more? He was never seen in the New York haunts of art! It was rumored at the time of the Paris exhibition that he was going to London to do a similar group of views, but the London exhibition never came off. He had told Smite and MacHugh the spring he left that he might do Chicago next, but that came to nothing. There was no evidence of it. There were rumors that he was very rich, that his art had failed him, that he had lost his mind even, and so the art world that knew him and was so interested in him no longer cared very much. It was too bad but—so thought the rival artists—there was one less difficult star to contend with. As for his friends, they were sorry, but such was life. He might recover. If not,—well—.
Eugene's mental state, profoundly depressed, helpless, and daunting—a rudderless boat in the dark—sent an impression, a silent signal to everyone who knew him or knew of him. His breakdown first shocked M. Charles, then saddened and ultimately diminished his interest in Eugene. Like many other competent, successful figures in the business world, M. Charles favored strong individuals—those at the height of their success, the peak of their abilities. Any deviation from this standard of strength and engagement caught his attention. If someone was going to fail—going to get sick and lose their passion for life or have their outlook altered, it was indeed tragic, but there was only one thing to do in such circumstances—distance oneself from them. Failures of any sort were perilous to associate with. One should avoid them entirely. They were highly unprofitable. People like Temple Boyle and Vincent Beers, who had taught him in the past and who had heard about his successes in Chicago, along with Luke Severas, William McConnell, Oren Benedict, Hudson Dula, and others, wondered what had happened to him. Why had he stopped painting? He was never seen in New York's art scenes! There were rumors during the Paris exhibition that he was going to London to showcase a similar series, but that London exhibition never happened. He had told Smite and MacHugh that spring before he left that he might pursue Chicago next, but nothing came of it. There was no evidence of it. There were whispers that he had become very wealthy, that his art had abandoned him, or even that he had lost his mind, and so the art world that once knew him and cared about him gradually lost interest. It was unfortunate, but—so thought the rival artists—there was one less formidable star to compete with. As for his friends, they felt sorry for him, but such is life. He might recover. If not—well—.
As time went on, one year, another year, another year, the strangeness of his suddenly brilliant burst and disappearance became to the talented in this field a form of classic memory. He was a man of such promise! Why did he not go on painting? There was an occasional mention in conversation or in print, but Eugene to all intents and purposes was dead.
As time passed, year after year, the oddness of his sudden rise to fame and subsequent disappearance turned into a classic memory for those skilled in this area. He was a man with so much potential! Why didn't he continue painting? There would be the occasional mention in conversation or print, but for all intents and purposes, Eugene was gone.
When he came to New York it was after his capital had been reduced to three hundred dollars and he had given Angela one hundred and twenty-five of this to take her back to Blackwood and keep her there until he could make such arrangements as would permit her to join him. After a long discussion they had finally agreed that this would be best, for, seeing that he could neither paint nor illustrate, there was no certainty as to what he would do. To come here on so little money with her was not advisable. She had her home where she was welcome to stay for a while anyhow. Meanwhile he figured he could weather any storm alone.
When he arrived in New York, his savings had dropped to three hundred dollars, and he had given Angela one hundred and twenty-five of that to take her back to Blackwood and keep her there until he could set things up for her to join him. After a long discussion, they agreed that this was the best plan since, given that he couldn't paint or illustrate, there was no guarantee about what he would end up doing. It wouldn't be smart to come here with so little money and her in tow. She had a home where she was welcome to stay for a while anyway. In the meantime, he figured he could handle any challenges on his own.
The appearance of the metropolis, after somewhat over two years of absence during which he had wandered everywhere, was most impressive to Eugene. It was a relief after the mountains of Kentucky and Tennessee and the loneliness of the Biloxi coast, to get back to this swarming city where millions were hurrying to and fro, and where one's misery as well as one's prosperity [Pg 299] was apparently swallowed up in an inconceivable mass of life. A subway was being built. The automobile, which only a few years before was having a vague, uncertain beginning, was now attaining a tremendous vogue. Magnificent cars of new design were everywhere. From the ferry-house in Jersey City he could see notable changes in the skyline, and a single walk across Twenty-third Street and up Seventh Avenue showed him a changing world—great hotels, great apartment houses, a tremendous crush of vainglorious life which was moulding the city to its desires. It depressed him greatly, for he had always hoped to be an integral part of this magnificence and display and now he was not—might never be again.
The city looked incredible to Eugene after being away for just over two years, during which he had traveled everywhere. It felt like a relief after the mountains of Kentucky and Tennessee and the isolation of the Biloxi coast to return to this bustling city, where millions were rushing around, and where both misery and success seemed to be lost in an unimaginable sea of life. A subway was under construction. The automobile, which just a few years earlier was in its early, uncertain stages, was now incredibly popular. Stunning new cars were everywhere. From the ferry station in Jersey City, he noticed significant changes in the skyline, and just a short walk down Twenty-third Street and up Seventh Avenue revealed a transformed world—huge hotels, massive apartment buildings, and a chaotic mix of showy life that was shaping the city to fit its needs. This filled him with sadness, as he had always dreamed of being a part of this grandeur and spectacle, and now he was not—he might never be again.
It was still raw and cold, for the spring was just beginning to break, and Eugene was compelled to buy a light overcoat, his own imperishable great coat having been left behind, and he had no other fit to wear. Appearances, he thought, demanded this. He had spent forty of his closely-guarded one hundred and seventy-five dollars coming from Biloxi to New York, and now an additional fifteen was required for this coat, leaving him one hundred and twenty-five dollars with which to begin his career anew. He was greatly worried as to the outcome, but curiously also he had an abiding subconscious feeling that it could not be utterly destructive to him.
It was still chilly and uncomfortable since spring was just starting to arrive, and Eugene had to buy a light overcoat because he had left his durable greatcoat behind and had nothing else suitable to wear. He felt that he needed to make a good impression. He had already spent forty of his carefully saved one hundred and seventy-five dollars on his trip from Biloxi to New York, and now he needed an extra fifteen for the coat, which left him with one hundred and twenty-five dollars to restart his career. He was very concerned about how things would turn out, but oddly, he also had a deep-seated feeling that it couldn't completely ruin him.
He rented a cheap room in a semi-respectable neighborhood in West Twenty-fourth Street near Eleventh Avenue solely because he wanted to keep out of the run of intellectual life and hide until he could get on his feet. It was an old and shabby residence in an old and shabby red brick neighborhood such as he had drawn in one of his views, but it was not utterly bad. The people were poor but fairly intellectual. He chose this particular neighborhood with all its poverty because it was near the North River where the great river traffic could be seen, and where, because of some open lots in which were stored wagons, his one single west window gave him a view of all this life. About the corner in Twenty-third Street, in another somewhat decayed residence, was a moderate priced restaurant and boarding house. Here he could get a meal for twenty-five cents. He cared nothing for the life that was about him. It was cheap, poor, from a money point of view, dingy, but he would not be here forever he hoped. These people did not know him. Besides the number 552 West 24th Street did not sound bad. It might be one of the old neighborhoods with which New York was dotted, and which artists were inclined to find and occupy.
He rented a cheap room in a somewhat decent neighborhood on West Twenty-fourth Street near Eleventh Avenue mainly because he wanted to stay away from the intellectual scene and hide until he could get back on his feet. The building was old and worn down, in a rundown red brick area like one he had sketched in his drawings, but it wasn't completely awful. The residents were poor but reasonably educated. He picked this specific area with all its poverty because it was close to the North River, where he could see the bustling river traffic, and because of some open lots storing wagons, his single west-facing window offered him a view of all this activity. Around the corner on Twenty-third Street, in another slightly dilapidated building, there was a moderately priced restaurant and boarding house. Here, he could get a meal for twenty-five cents. He didn’t care about the life surrounding him. It was cheap, poor in terms of money, and grimy, but he hoped he wouldn’t be there forever. These people didn’t know him. Plus, the address 552 West 24th Street didn’t sound bad. It might be one of those old neighborhoods scattered throughout New York that artists liked to discover and inhabit.
After he had secured this room from a semi-respectable Irish [Pg 300] landlady, a dock weigher's wife, he decided to call upon M. Charles. He knew that he looked quite respectable as yet, despite his poverty and decline. His clothes were good, his overcoat new, his manner brisk and determined. But what he could not see was that his face in its thin sallowness, and his eyes with their semi-feverish lustre bespoke a mind that was harassed by trouble of some kind. He stood outside the office of Kellner and Son in Fifth Avenue—a half block from the door, wondering whether he should go in, and just what he should say. He had written to M. Charles from time to time that his health was bad and that he couldn't work—always that he hoped to be better soon. He had always hoped that a reply would come that another of his pictures had been sold. One year had gone and then two, and now a third was under way and still he was not any better. M. Charles would look at him searchingly. He would have to bear his gaze unflinchingly. In his present nervous state this was difficult and yet he was not without a kind of defiance even now. He would force himself back into favor with life sometime.
After securing this room from a somewhat respectable Irish [Pg 300] landlady, who was the wife of a dock worker, he decided to visit M. Charles. He knew he still looked quite respectable, despite his poverty and decline. His clothes were decent, his overcoat was new, and his demeanor was brisk and determined. However, what he couldn't see was that his thin, sallow face and his eyes, with their somewhat feverish glow, revealed a mind troubled by some issue. He stood outside the office of Kellner and Son on Fifth Avenue—half a block from the entrance—wondering whether he should go in and what exactly he should say. He had written to M. Charles from time to time, saying his health was poor and that he couldn't work—always adding that he hoped to feel better soon. He had always hoped to receive a reply saying that another one of his paintings had sold. A year went by, then two, and now a third year was starting, and he still wasn't any better. M. Charles would look at him intently. He would need to withstand that gaze without flinching. In his current nervous state, that was difficult, yet he still had a certain defiance even now. He would force himself back into life’s favor eventually.
He finally mustered up his courage and entered and M. Charles greeted him warmly.
He finally gathered his courage and entered, and M. Charles welcomed him warmly.
"This certainly is good,—to see you again. I had almost given up hope that you would ever come back to New York. How is your health now? And how is Mrs. Witla? It doesn't seem as though it had been three years. You're looking excellent. And how is painting going now? Getting to the point where you can do something again?"
"This is definitely good—to see you again. I had almost lost hope that you would ever return to New York. How's your health now? And how's Mrs. Witla? It doesn't feel like it's been three years. You look great. And how's painting going? Are you getting to the point where you can create something again?"
Eugene felt for the moment as though M. Charles believed him to be in excellent condition, whereas that shrewd observer of men was wondering what could have worked so great a change. Eugene appeared to be eight years older. There were marked wrinkles between his eyes and an air of lassitude and weariness. He thought to himself, "Why, this man may possibly be done for artistically. Something has gone from him which I noted the first time I met him: that fire and intense enthusiasm which radiated force after the fashion of an arclight. Now he seems to be seeking to draw something in,—to save himself from drowning as it were. He is making a voiceless appeal for consideration. What a pity!"
Eugene felt for a moment that M. Charles thought he was doing great, but that sharp observer of people was really just wondering what had caused such a drastic change. Eugene looked like he was eight years older. There were noticeable wrinkles between his eyes and a sense of fatigue and exhaustion about him. He thought, "Wow, this guy might be finished artistically. Something has left him that I noticed the first time I met him: that passion and intense enthusiasm that had a powerful energy like an arc light. Now he seems to be trying to hold something back—to save himself from going under, so to speak. He's silently asking for understanding. What a shame!"
The worst of it all was that in his estimation nothing could be done in such a case. You couldn't do anything for an artist who could do nothing for himself. His art was gone. The sanest thing for him to do would be to quit trying, go at some other form of labor and forget all about it. It might be that he [Pg 301] would recover, but it was a question. Nervous breakdowns were not infrequently permanent.
The worst part was that he believed nothing could be done in this situation. You couldn't help an artist who couldn't help himself. His talent was gone. The smartest thing for him would be to stop trying, find a different job, and move on. He might eventually bounce back, but that was uncertain. Nervous breakdowns often left lasting effects.
Eugene noticed something of this in his manner. He couldn't tell exactly what it was, but M. Charles seemed more than ordinarily preoccupied, careful and distant. He wasn't exactly chilly in his manner, but reserved, as though he were afraid he might be asked to do something which he could not very well do.
Eugene noticed something like this in his behavior. He couldn’t pinpoint exactly what it was, but M. Charles seemed unusually preoccupied, cautious, and distant. He wasn't exactly cold in his demeanor, but he was reserved, as if he were worried he might be asked to do something that he wouldn’t be able to handle.
"I noticed that the Paris scenes did not do very well either here or in Paris," observed Eugene with an air of nonchalance, as though it were a matter of small importance, at the same time hoping that he would have some favorable word. "I had the idea that they would take better than they did. Still I don't suppose I ought to expect everything to sell. The New York ones did all right."
"I noticed that the Paris scenes didn’t do very well either here or in Paris," Eugene remarked casually, as if it were no big deal, hoping for some encouraging news. "I thought they would perform better than they did. Still, I guess I shouldn't expect everything to sell. The ones from New York did okay."
"They did very well indeed, much better than I expected. I didn't think as many would be sold as were. They were very new and considerably outside the lines of current interest. The Paris pictures, on the other hand, were foreign to Americans in the wrong sense. By that I mean they weren't to be included in that genre art which comes from abroad, but is not based on any locality and is universal in its appeal—thematically speaking. Your Paris pictures were, of course, pictures in the best sense to those who see art as color and composition and idea, but to the ordinary lay mind they were, I take it, merely Paris scenes. You get what I mean. In that sense they were foreign, and Paris has been done illustratively anyhow. You might have done better with London or Chicago. Still you have every reason to congratulate yourself. Your work made a distinct impression both here and in France. When you feel able to return to it I have no doubt you will find that time has done you no harm."
"They did really well, even better than I expected. I didn't think we would sell as many as we did. They were very fresh and quite different from what people are currently interested in. The Paris photos, on the other hand, felt foreign to Americans in the wrong way. I mean, they didn't fit into that category of art that comes from abroad but isn't tied to any specific place and appeals universally—at least thematically. Your Paris pictures were definitely appealing to those who appreciate art for its color, composition, and ideas, but to the average person, they were just scenes of Paris. You see what I mean? In that way, they felt foreign, and anyway, Paris has already been depicted enough. You might have done better with London or Chicago. Still, you have every reason to feel proud. Your work made a lasting impression both here and in France. When you're ready to get back to it, I have no doubt that time has only helped you."
He tried to be polite and entertaining, but he was glad when Eugene went away again.
He tried to be nice and interesting, but he was relieved when Eugene left again.
The latter turned out into the street disconsolate. He could see how things were. He was down and out for the present and would have to wait.
The latter stepped out onto the street feeling lost. He understood the situation. He was struggling right now and would have to be patient.
CHAPTER XVIII
The next thing was to see what could be done with the other art dealers and the paintings that were left. There were quite a number of them. If he could get any reasonable price at all he ought to be able to live quite awhile—long enough anyhow to get on his feet again. When they came to his quiet room and were unpacked by him in a rather shamefaced and disturbed manner and distributed about, they seemed wonderful things. Why, if the critics had raved over them and M. Charles had thought they were so fine, could they not be sold? Art dealers would surely buy them! Still, now that he was on the ground again and could see the distinctive art shops from the sidewalks his courage failed him. They were not running after pictures. Exceptional as he might be, there were artists in plenty—good ones. He could not run to other well known art dealers very well for his work had become identified with the house of Kellner and Son. Some of the small dealers might buy them but they would not buy them all—probably one or two at the most, and that at a sacrifice. What a pass to come to!—he, Eugene Witla, who three years before had been in the heyday of his approaching prosperity, wondering as he stood in the room of a gloomy side-street house how he was going to raise money to live through the summer, and how he was going to sell the paintings which had seemed the substance of his fortune but two years before. He decided that he would ask several of the middle class dealers whether they would not come and look at what he had to show. To a number of the smaller dealers in Fourth, Sixth, Eighth Avenues and elsewhere he would offer to sell several outright when necessity pinched. Still he had to raise money soon. Angela could not be left at Blackwood indefinitely.
The next thing was to figure out what to do with the other art dealers and the leftover paintings. There were quite a few of them. If he could get any decent price at all, he should be able to live for a while—at least long enough to get back on his feet again. When he unpacked them in his quiet room, with a bit of shame and disturbance, and spread them out, they looked amazing. If the critics had praised them and M. Charles thought they were so great, why couldn’t they be sold? Art dealers would surely be interested! Still, now that he was back on solid ground and could see the distinctive art shops from the sidewalks, his confidence took a hit. They weren't rushing to buy paintings. Even if he was exceptional, there were plenty of other good artists out there. He couldn't approach the well-known art dealers easily since his work was tied to Kellner and Son. Some of the smaller dealers might buy a few, but they wouldn’t take them all—maybe just one or two at most, and that would be a loss. What a state to be in!—he, Eugene Witla, who three years earlier had been on the brink of success, now standing in a dreary side-street house, wondering how he was going to scrape together money to survive the summer and sell paintings that had seemed to represent his fortune just two years before. He decided he would reach out to several mid-tier dealers to see if they would come look at what he had to offer. For some of the smaller dealers on Fourth, Sixth, Eighth Avenues, and elsewhere, he would offer to sell a few outright if he really needed to. Still, he had to secure money soon. Angela couldn’t be left at Blackwood indefinitely.
He went to Jacob Bergman, Henry LaRue, Pottle Frères and asked if they would be interested to see what he had. Henry Bergman, who was his own manager, recalled his name at once. He had seen the exhibition but was not eager. He asked curiously how the pictures of the first and second exhibitions had sold, how many there were of them, what prices they brought. Eugene told him.
He went to Jacob Bergman, Henry LaRue, Pottle Frères and asked if they would be interested in seeing what he had. Henry Bergman, who was his own manager, recognized his name immediately. He had seen the exhibition but wasn't very interested. He asked out of curiosity how the pieces from the first and second exhibitions had sold, how many there were, and what prices they fetched. Eugene told him.
[Pg 303] "You might bring one or two here and leave them on sale. You know how that is. Someone might take a fancy to them. You never can tell."
[Pg 303] "You could bring one or two here and put them up for sale. You know how it goes; someone might really like them. You just never know."
He explained that his commission was twenty-five per cent, and that he would report when a sale was made. He was not interested to come and see them. Eugene could select any two pictures he pleased. It was the same with Henry LaRue and Pottle Frères, though the latter had never heard of him. They asked him to show them one of his pictures. Eugene's pride was touched the least bit by this lack of knowledge on their part, though seeing how things were going with him he felt as though he might expect as much and more.
He said his commission was twenty-five percent and that he would let them know when a sale happened. He wasn't interested in coming to see them. Eugene could pick any two pictures he wanted. It was the same with Henry LaRue and Pottle Frères, even though the latter had never heard of him. They asked him to show them one of his pictures. Eugene felt a slight sting of pride from their ignorance, but considering his situation, he figured he could expect that and even more.
Other art dealers he did not care to trust with his paintings on sale, and he was now ashamed to start carrying them about to the magazines, where at least one hundred and twenty-five to one hundred and fifty per picture might be expected for them, if they were sold at all. He did not want the magazine art world to think that he had come to this. His best friend was Hudson Dula, and he might no longer be Art Director of Truth. As a matter of fact Dula was no longer there. Then there were Jan Jansen and several others, but they were no doubt thinking of him now as a successful painter. It seemed as though his natural pride were building insurmountable barriers for him. How was he to live if he could not do this and could not paint? He decided on trying the small art dealers with a single picture, offering to sell it outright. They might not recognize him and so might buy it direct. He could accept, in such cases, without much shock to his pride, anything which they might offer, if it were not too little.
Other art dealers, he didn't want to trust with his paintings for sale, and he felt embarrassed to start taking them around to magazines, where he could expect to get at least $125 to $150 per painting, if they sold at all. He didn't want the magazine art world to think he had hit rock bottom. His best friend was Hudson Dula, who might no longer be the Art Director of Truth. Actually, Dula wasn't there anymore. Then there were Jan Jansen and a few others, but they were probably viewing him now as a successful painter. It seemed like his own pride was creating huge obstacles for him. How was he supposed to live if he couldn't do this and couldn't paint? He decided to try the smaller art dealers with one painting, offering to sell it outright. They might not recognize him, so they might buy it directly. In those cases, he could accept whatever they offered as long as it wasn't too low, without too much damage to his pride.
He tried this one bright morning in May, and though it was not without result it spoiled the beautiful day for him. He took one picture, a New York scene, and carried it to a third rate art dealer whose place he had seen in upper Sixth Avenue, and without saying anything about himself asked if he would like to buy it. The proprietor, a small, dark individual of Semitic extraction, looked at him curiously and at his picture. He could tell from a single look that Eugene was in trouble, that he needed money and that he was anxious to sell his picture. He thought of course that he would take anything for it and he was not sure that he wanted the picture at that. It was not very popular in theme, a view of a famous Sixth Avenue restaurant showing behind the track of the L road, with a driving rain pouring in between the interstices of light. Years after this picture was picked up by a collector from Kansas City at an old furniture [Pg 304] sale and hung among his gems, but this morning its merits were not very much in evidence.
He tried this one bright morning in May, and although it had some results, it ruined the beautiful day for him. He took one picture, a New York scene, and brought it to a third-rate art dealer he had noticed on upper Sixth Avenue, and without mentioning anything about himself, asked if he wanted to buy it. The owner, a small, dark man of Semitic descent, looked at him curiously and at his picture. He could tell from a single glance that Eugene was in trouble, that he needed money, and that he was eager to sell his picture. He thought, of course, that Eugene would take anything for it and he wasn’t sure he even wanted the picture at that moment. It wasn’t a very popular theme—a view of a famous Sixth Avenue restaurant seen behind the L train tracks, with a heavy rain pouring in between the beams of light. Years later, this picture was bought by a collector from Kansas City at an old furniture sale and hung among his prized pieces, but that morning, its qualities were not very apparent.
"I see that you occasionally exhibit a painting in your window for sale. Do you buy originals?"
"I notice you sometimes have a painting for sale in your window. Do you buy original pieces?"
"Now and again," said the man indifferently—"not often. What have you?"
"Every now and then," said the man casually—"not too often. What do you have?"
"I have an oil here that I painted not so long ago. I occasionally do these things. I thought maybe you would like to buy it."
"I have a painting here that I worked on not too long ago. I sometimes create these pieces. I thought you might be interested in buying it."
The proprietor stood by indifferently while Eugene untied the string, took off the paper and stood the picture up for inspection. It was striking enough in its way but it did not appeal to him as being popular. "I don't think it's anything that I could sell here," he remarked, shrugging his shoulders. "It's good, but we don't have much call for pictures of any kind. If it were a straight landscape or a marine or a figure of some kind—. Figures sell best. But this—I doubt if I could get rid of it. You might leave it on sale if you want to. Somebody might like it. I don't think I'd care to buy it."
The owner stood by without much interest while Eugene untied the string, removed the paper, and set the picture up for a closer look. It was impressive in its own way, but he didn’t think it would be popular. "I don’t think it's something I could sell here," he said, shrugging. "It’s good, but we don’t get a lot of demand for pictures of any type. If it were a straightforward landscape, a seascape, or a figure of some sort—figures sell the best. But this—I doubt I could move it. You can leave it for sale if you want. Someone might like it. I’m not interested in buying it."
"I don't care to leave it on sale," replied Eugene irritably. Leave one of his pictures in a cheap side-street art store—and that on sale! He would not. He wanted to say something cutting in reply but he curbed his welling wrath to ask,
"I don't want to sell it," Eugene replied, annoyed. Leave one of his paintings in a rundown art shop—and for sale! He absolutely would not. He wanted to say something sharp in response, but he held back his rising anger to ask,
"How much do you think it would be worth if you did want it?"
"How much do you think it would be worth if you actually wanted it?"
"Oh," replied the proprietor, pursing his lips reflectively, "not more than ten dollars. We can't ask much for anything we have on view here. The Fifth Avenue stores take all the good trade."
"Oh," said the owner, pursing his lips thoughtfully, "not more than ten dollars. We can't really charge much for anything we have on display here. The Fifth Avenue shops get all the good business."
Eugene winced. Ten dollars! Why, what a ridiculous sum! What was the use of coming to a place like this anyhow? He could do better dealing with the art directors or the better stores. But where were they? Whom could he deal with? Where were there any stores much better than this outside the large ones which he had already canvassed. He had better keep his pictures and go to work now at something else. He only had thirty-five of them all told and at this rate he would have just three hundred and fifty dollars when they were all gone. What good would that do him? His mood and this preliminary experience convinced him that they could not be sold for any much greater sum. Fifteen dollars or less would probably be offered and he would be no better off at the end. His pictures would be gone and he would have nothing. He ought to get something to do and save his pictures. But what?
Eugene grimaced. Ten dollars! What a ridiculous amount! What was the point of coming to a place like this anyway? He could do better by working with the art directors or the nicer stores. But where were they? Who could he talk to? Where were there any stores that were significantly better than this one outside of the big ones he had already looked into? He might as well keep his paintings and focus on something else. He only had thirty-five in total, and at this rate, he would just have three hundred and fifty dollars when they were all sold. What good would that do him? His mood and this initial experience made him sure that they couldn't be sold for much more than that. He would probably be offered fifteen dollars or less, and he wouldn't be any better off in the end. His paintings would be gone, and he would have nothing. He should find something to do and save his paintings. But what?
[Pg 305] To a man in Eugene's position—he was now thirty-one years of age, with no training outside what he had acquired in developing his artistic judgment and ability—this proposition of finding something else which he could do was very difficult. His mental sickness was, of course, the first great bar. It made him appear nervous and discouraged and so more or less objectionable to anyone who was looking for vigorous healthy manhood in the shape of an employee. In the next place, his look and manner had become decidedly that of the artist—refined, retiring, subtle. He also had an air at times of finicky standoffishness, particularly in the presence of those who appeared to him commonplace or who by their look or manner appeared to be attempting to set themselves over him. In the last place, he could think of nothing that he really wanted to do—the idea that his art ability would come back to him or that it ought to serve him in this crisis, haunting him all the time. Once he had thought he might like to be an art director; he was convinced that he would be a good one. And another time he had thought he would like to write, but that was long ago. He had never written anything since the Chicago newspaper specials, and several efforts at concentrating his mind for this quickly proved to him that writing was not for him now. It was hard for him to formulate an intelligent consecutive-idea'd letter to Angela. He harked back to his old Chicago days and remembering that he had been a collector and a driver of a laundry wagon, he decided that he might do something of that sort. Getting a position as a street-car conductor or a drygoods clerk appealed to him as possibilities. The necessity of doing something within regular hours and in a routine way appealed to him as having curative properties. How should he get such a thing?
[Pg 305] For a guy like Eugene—now thirty-one years old and lacking any training beyond what he’d learned to refine his artistic judgment and skills—this idea of finding something else to do was really tough. His mental illness was the biggest obstacle. It made him seem anxious and demoralized, which made him less appealing to anyone looking for a strong, healthy employee. On top of that, his appearance and demeanor had definitely become more artistic—refined, reserved, and subtle. At times, he also came off as finicky and aloof, especially around people he saw as ordinary or who seemed to be trying to assert themselves over him. Lastly, he couldn’t think of anything he genuinely wanted to do; the thought that his artistic abilities might return or should help him in this crisis was always nagging at him. Once, he thought he might want to become an art director and was sure he’d excel at it. Long ago, he had also considered writing, but that was ages ago. Since the special articles for the Chicago newspaper, he hadn’t written anything, and several attempts to focus his mind on writing showed him that it wasn’t for him anymore. He found it difficult to put together a coherent letter to Angela. He reminisced about his days in Chicago, and remembering he had been a collector and driven a laundry wagon, he thought maybe he could do something similar. The idea of becoming a streetcar conductor or a dry goods clerk seemed like it could work for him. The thought of having a job with regular hours and a routine felt like it could be healing. But how could he go about finding such a job?
If it had not been for the bedeviled state of his mind this would not have been such a difficult matter, for he was physically active enough to hold any ordinary position. He might have appealed frankly and simply to M. Charles or Isaac Wertheim and through influence obtained something which would have tided him over, but he was too sensitive to begin with and his present weakness made him all the more fearful and retiring. He had but one desire when he thought of doing anything outside his creative gift, and that was to slink away from the gaze of men. How could he, with his appearance, his reputation, his tastes and refinement, hobnob with conductors, drygoods clerks, railroad hands or drivers? It wasn't possible—he hadn't the strength. Besides all that was a thing of the past, or he thought it was. He had put it behind him in his art student days. Now [Pg 306] to have to get out and look for a job! How could he? He walked the streets for days and days, coming back to his room to see if by any chance he could paint yet, writing long, rambling, emotional letters to Angela. It was pitiful. In fits of gloom he would take out an occasional picture and sell it, parting with it for ten or fifteen dollars after he had carried it sometimes for miles. His one refuge was in walking, for somehow he could not walk and feel very, very bad. The beauty of nature, the activity of people entertained and diverted his mind. He would come back to his room some evenings feeling as though a great change had come over him, as though he were going to do better now; but this did not last long. A little while and he would be back in his old mood again. He spent three months this way, drifting, before he realized that he must do something—that fall and winter would be coming on again in a little while and he would have nothing at all.
If it hadn’t been for the messed-up state of his mind, this wouldn’t have been such a tough situation, because he was fit enough to hold any regular job. He could have straightforwardly reached out to M. Charles or Isaac Wertheim and, through their connections, gotten something that would help him get by, but he was too sensitive to even try. His current weakness made him even more anxious and withdrawn. He only wanted to escape from the judgment of others when he thought about doing anything outside his creative talent. How could he, given his looks, reputation, tastes, and sophistication, mingle with conductors, retail clerks, railroad workers, or drivers? It just wasn’t feasible—he didn’t have the energy for it. Besides, all of that seemed like history, or so he thought. He had left it behind during his art student days. Now [Pg 306] he had to go out and look for a job! How could he manage that? He wandered the streets for days, returning to his room to see if, by some chance, he could still paint, pouring out long, emotional letters to Angela. It was sad. In his moments of despair, he would occasionally sell a painting, parting with it for ten or fifteen dollars even after having carried it for miles. His only escape was walking, as somehow he couldn’t walk and feel very, very bad at the same time. The beauty of nature and the hustle of people lifted his spirits and distracted his mind. He would return to his room some evenings feeling like a significant shift had happened, as if he was finally going to do better; but that feeling didn’t last long. Before he knew it, he’d slip back into his old mood again. He spent three months like this, just drifting, before realizing that he needed to take action—that fall and winter would soon be here again, and he would have nothing at all.
In his desperation he first attempted to get an art directorship, but two or three interviews with publishers of magazines proved to him pretty quickly that positions of this character were not handed out to the inexperienced. It required an apprenticeship, just as anything else did, and those who had positions in this field elsewhere had the first call. His name or appearance did not appear to strike any of these gentlemen as either familiar or important in any way. They had heard of him as an illustrator and a painter, but his present appearance indicated that this was a refuge in ill health which he was seeking, not a vigorous, constructive position, and so they would have none of him. He next tried at three of the principal publishing houses, but they did not require anyone in that capacity. Truth to tell he knew very little of the details and responsibilities of the position, though he thought he did. After that there was nothing save drygoods stores, street-car registration offices, the employment offices of the great railroads and factories. He looked at sugar refineries, tobacco factories, express offices, railroad freight offices, wondering whether in any of these it would be possible for him to obtain a position which would give him a salary of ten dollars a week. If he could get that, and any of the pictures now on show with Jacob Bergman, Henry LaRue and Pottle Frères should be sold, he could get along. He might even live on this with Angela if he could sell an occasional picture for ten or fifteen dollars. But he was paying seven dollars a week for nothing save food and room, and scarcely managing to cling to the one hundred dollars which had remained of his original traveling fund after he had paid all his opening expenses here in New [Pg 307] York. He was afraid to part with all his pictures in this way for fear he would be sorry for it after a while.
In his desperation, he first tried to land an art director position, but after two or three interviews with magazine publishers, he quickly realized that such roles weren't given to those without experience. It required an apprenticeship, just like everything else, and those already in similar positions elsewhere had the priority. His name or appearance didn’t seem to ring any bells for these gentlemen; they had heard of him as an illustrator and painter, but his current state suggested he was seeking refuge due to his poor health, not a dynamic, creative role, so they rejected him. He then approached three major publishing houses, but none were looking to fill that kind of position. The truth was he knew very little about the specifics and responsibilities of the job, despite thinking otherwise. After that, all he had left were dry goods stores, streetcar registration offices, and the employment services of major railroads and factories. He considered sugar refineries, tobacco factories, express offices, and railroad freight offices, wondering if he could land any position that would pay him ten dollars a week. If he could get that, along with any of the paintings currently exhibited with Jacob Bergman, Henry LaRue, and Pottle Frères that sold, he could manage. He might even get by with Angela if he could occasionally sell a piece for ten or fifteen dollars. However, he was spending seven dollars a week just for food and a room, and barely holding onto the one hundred dollars that was left of his original traveling fund after paying all his initial costs here in New [Pg 307] York. He was reluctant to part with all his paintings this way, fearing he would regret it later.
Work is hard to get under the most favorable conditions of health and youth and ambition, and the difficulties of obtaining it under unfavorable ones need not be insisted on. Imagine if you can the crowds of men, forty, fifty, one hundred strong, that wait at the door of every drygoods employment office, every street-car registration bureau, on the special days set aside for considering applications, at every factory, shop or office where an advertisement calling for a certain type of man or woman was inserted in the newspapers. On a few occasions that Eugene tried or attempted to try, he found himself preceded by peculiar groups of individuals who eyed him curiously as he approached, wondering, as he thought, whether a man of his type could be coming to apply for a job. They seemed radically different from himself to his mind, men with little education and a grim consciousness of the difficulties of life; young men, vapid looking men, shabby, stale, discouraged types—men who, like himself, looked as though they had seen something very much better, and men who looked as though they had seen things a great deal worse. The evidence which frightened him was the presence of a group of bright, healthy, eager looking boys of nineteen, twenty, twenty-one and twenty-two who, like himself when he first went to Chicago years before, were everywhere he went. When he drew near he invariably found it impossible to indicate in any way that he was looking for anything. He couldn't. His courage failed him; he felt that he looked too superior; self-consciousness and shame overcame him.
Finding work is tough even when you're healthy, young, and ambitious, so it's clear how much harder it is when conditions are unfavorable. Picture the groups of men—forty, fifty, even a hundred—waiting outside every department store employment office, streetcar registration bureau, and on the special days set aside for applications, at every factory, shop, or office where an ad has called for a specific type of worker. During a few attempts to apply for jobs, Eugene noticed that he was often preceded by different kinds of people who watched him curiously as he approached, probably wondering if someone like him would actually apply for a position. To him, they seemed very different: men with little education and a harsh awareness of life's challenges; young men who looked unenthusiastic, worn out, and defeated—men who, like him, seemed to have experienced better days, as well as those who looked like they had been through much worse. What scared him most was the presence of bright, healthy, eager young guys around nineteen to twenty-two who were everywhere he went, just like he had been when he first arrived in Chicago years ago. Whenever he got close, he found it impossible to show that he was looking for a job. He just couldn’t do it. His courage faltered; he felt too superior; self-consciousness and shame took over.
He learned now that men rose as early as four o'clock in the morning to buy a newspaper and ran quickly to the address mentioned in order to get the place at the head of the line, thus getting the first consideration as an applicant. He learned that some other men, such as waiters, cooks, hotel employees and so on, frequently stayed up all night in order to buy a paper at two in the morning, winter or summer, rain or snow, heat or cold, and hurry to the promising addresses they might find. He learned that the crowds of applicants were apt to become surly or sarcastic or contentious as their individual chances were jeopardized by ever-increasing numbers. And all this was going on all the time, in winter or summer, heat or cold, rain or snow. Pretending interest as a spectator, he would sometimes stand and watch, hearing the ribald jests, the slurs cast upon life, fortune, individuals in particular and in general by those who were wearily or hopelessly waiting. It was a horrible picture to him in his [Pg 308] present condition. It was like the grinding of the millstones, upper and nether. These were the chaff. He was a part of the chaff at present, or in danger of becoming so. Life was winnowing him out. He might go down, down, and there might never be an opportunity for him to rise any more.
He realized that some people got up as early as four in the morning to grab a newspaper and rushed to the address listed to secure a spot at the front of the line, giving them priority as applicants. He found out that others, like waiters, cooks, and hotel staff, often stayed up all night just to buy a paper at two a.m., no matter the season or weather, and hurried to promising addresses they could find. He noticed that the groups of applicants could become rude, sarcastic, or argumentative as their chances diminished with the growing numbers. And all this was happening continuously, in winter or summer, heat or cold, rain or snow. Pretending to be a casual observer, he would occasionally stand and listen, hearing the crude jokes and negative remarks about life, luck, and individuals made by those who were tired or hopelessly waiting. To him, it was a grim sight in his current state. It felt like the grinding of millstones, the upper and lower. These were the leftovers. He was currently part of the leftovers or at risk of becoming one. Life was filtering him out. He could fall further and might never have another chance to rise again.
Few, if any of us, understand thoroughly the nature of the unconscious stratification which takes place in life, the layers and types and classes into which it assorts itself and the barriers which these offer to a free migration of individuals from one class to another. We take on so naturally the material habiliments of our temperaments, necessities and opportunities. Priests, doctors, lawyers, merchants, appear to be born with their particular mental attitude and likewise the clerk, the ditch-digger, the janitor. They have their codes, their guilds and their class feelings. And while they may be spiritually closely related, they are physically far apart. Eugene, after hunting for a place for a month, knew a great deal more about this stratification than he had ever dreamed of knowing. He found that he was naturally barred by temperament from some things, from others by strength and weight, or rather the lack of them; from others, by inexperience; from others, by age; and so on. And those who were different from him in any or all of these respects were inclined to look at him askance. "You are not as we are," their eyes seemed to say; "why do you come here?"
Few, if any of us, fully understand the unconscious social divisions that occur in life, the layers, types, and classes into which people are sorted, and the barriers that prevent individuals from moving freely between these classes. We naturally adopt the roles of our personalities, needs, and opportunities. Priests, doctors, lawyers, and merchants seem to be born with their specific mindsets, just like clerks, ditch-diggers, and janitors. They have their own codes, guilds, and class identities. Although they may be spiritually connected, they are physically distant. After searching for a place for a month, Eugene learned a lot more about these social divisions than he had ever imagined. He realized that his temperament naturally excluded him from some opportunities, while his lack of strength and weight prevented him from others; inexperience and age kept him from yet more. Those who differed from him in any of these ways tended to look at him suspiciously. "You’re not like us," their gazes seemed to convey; "what are you doing here?"
One day he approached a gang of men who were waiting outside a car barn and sought to find out where the registration office was. He did not lay off his natural manner of superiority—could not, but asked a man near him if he knew. It had taken all his courage to do this.
One day, he went up to a group of guys hanging out by a car repair shop and asked where the registration office was. He didn’t drop his usual air of superiority—he couldn’t—but he asked a guy next to him if he knew. It took all his courage to do this.
"He wouldn't be after lookin' fer a place as a conductor now, would he?" he heard someone say within his hearing. For some reason this remark took all his courage away. He went up the wooden stairs to the little office where the application blanks were handed out, but did not even have the courage to apply for one. He pretended to be looking for someone and went out again. Later, before a drygoods superintendent's office, he heard a youth remark, "Look what wants to be a clerk." It froze him.
"He wouldn't be looking for a job as a conductor now, would he?" he heard someone say nearby. For some reason, that comment drained all his confidence. He went up the wooden stairs to the small office where the application forms were given out, but he didn’t even have the guts to ask for one. He pretended to be searching for someone and left again. Later, in front of a dry goods supervisor's office, he overheard a young guy say, "Look at that guy who wants to be a clerk." It chilled him.
It is a question how long this aimless, nervous wandering would have continued if it had not been for the accidental recollection of an experience which a fellow artist once related to him of a writer who had found himself nervously depressed and who, by application to the president of a railroad, had secured as a courtesy to the profession which he represented so [Pg 309] ably a position as an apprentice in a surveying corps, being given transportation to a distant section of the country and employed at a laborer's wages until he was well. Eugene now thought of this as quite an idea for himself. Why it had not occurred to him before he did not know. He could apply as an artist—his appearance would bear him out, and being able to speak from the vantage point of personal ability temporarily embarrassed by ill health, his chances of getting something would be so much better. It would not be the same as a position which he had secured for himself without fear or favor, but it would be a position, different from farming with Angela's father because it would command a salary.
It's unclear how long this aimless, anxious wandering would have gone on if it hadn't been for the random memory of an experience a fellow artist shared with him about a writer who felt nervously depressed. This writer asked the president of a railroad for help and, as a courtesy to his profession, got a job as an apprentice in a surveying team, receiving transportation to a remote part of the country and working for a laborer’s pay until he was back to normal. Eugene thought this could be a great idea for himself. He didn't know why it hadn't crossed his mind before. He could apply as an artist—his appearance would support his claim, and speaking from the perspective of someone who was temporarily held back by health issues would improve his chances of getting something. It wouldn’t be the same as a position he’d earned without any outside help, but it would be a position, unlike farming with Angela's father, because it would come with a salary.
CHAPTER XIX
This idea of appealing to the president of one of the great railroads that entered New York was not so difficult to execute. Eugene dressed himself very carefully the next morning, and going to the office of the company in Forty-second Street, consulted the list of officers posted in one of the halls, and finding the president to be on the third floor, ascended. He discovered, after compelling himself by sheer will power to enter, that this so-called office was a mere anteroom to a force of assistants serving the president, and that no one could see him except by appointment.
This idea of reaching out to the president of one of the major railroads that operated in New York was not too hard to carry out. The next morning, Eugene dressed very carefully and headed to the company office on Forty-second Street. He checked the list of officers displayed in a hallway and found that the president’s office was on the third floor. After forcing himself with sheer determination to enter, he realized that this so-called office was just a waiting area for a group of assistants dedicated to the president, and that no one could meet with him without an appointment.
"You might see his secretary if he isn't busy," suggested the clerk who handled his card gingerly.
"You might catch his secretary if he's not busy," suggested the clerk, who handled his card carefully.
Eugene was for the moment undetermined what to do but decided that maybe the secretary could help him. He asked that his card might be taken to him and that no explanation be demanded of him except by the secretary in person. The latter came out after a while, an under secretary of perhaps twenty-eight years of age, short and stout. He was bland and apparently good natured.
Eugene was unsure about what to do at the moment, but he thought the secretary might be able to help him. He requested that his card be delivered to him and that no one ask him for an explanation except the secretary in person. After a while, the secretary came out—an undersecretary who looked to be around twenty-eight years old, short and stocky. He had a pleasant demeanor and seemed genuinely friendly.
"What is it I can do for you?" he asked.
"What can I do for you?" he asked.
Eugene had been formulating his request in his mind—some method of putting it briefly and simply.
Eugene had been trying to come up with a way to state his request in his mind—some method to make it short and straightforward.
"I came up to see Mr. Wilson," he said, "to see if he would not send me out as a day-laborer of some kind in connection with some department of the road. I am an artist by profession and I am suffering from neurasthenia. All the doctors I have consulted have recommended that I get a simple, manual position of some kind and work at it until I am well. I know of an instance in which Mr. Wilson, assisted, in this way, Mr. Savin the author, and I thought he might be willing to interest himself in my case."
"I came to see Mr. Wilson," he said, "to ask if he could help me out by giving me a job as a day laborer in some department of the road. I'm an artist by profession, and I'm dealing with neurasthenia. All the doctors I've spoken to have suggested that I take a simple, manual job and keep busy until I recover. I know of a situation where Mr. Wilson helped Mr. Savin, the author, like this, so I thought he might be willing to assist me as well."
At the sound of Henry Savin's name the under-secretary pricked up his ears. He had, fortunately, read one of his books, and this together with Eugene's knowledge of the case, his personal appearance, a certain ring of sincerity in what he was saying, caused him to be momentarily interested.
At the mention of Henry Savin's name, the under-secretary perked up. Luckily, he had read one of Savin's books, and together with Eugene's understanding of the case, his appearance, and a genuine tone in what he was saying, this piqued his interest for a moment.
"There is no position in connection with any clerical work which the president could give you, I am sure," he replied. "All of these things are subject to a system of promotion. It [Pg 311] might be that he could place you with one of the construction gangs in one of the departments under a foreman. I don't know. It's very hard work, though. He might consider your case." He smiled commiseratingly. "I question whether you're strong enough to do anything of that sort. It takes a pretty good man to wield a pick or a shovel."
"I'm sure there isn't any clerical job the president could offer you," he replied. "Everything is based on a promotion system. It [Pg 311] might be possible for him to assign you to one of the construction teams in one of the departments under a foreman. I don't know, though. It's really hard work. He might think about your situation." He smiled sympathetically. "Honestly, I'm not sure you're strong enough for that kind of job. It takes a decent person to handle a pick or a shovel."
"I don't think I had better worry about that now," replied Eugene in return, smiling wearily. "I'll take the work and see if it won't help me. I think I need it badly enough."
"I don't think I should worry about that right now," Eugene replied with a tired smile. "I'll take the job and see if it helps me. I think I really need it."
He was afraid the under-secretary would repent of his suggestion and refuse him entirely.
He was worried the under-secretary would regret his suggestion and turn him down completely.
"Can you wait a little while?" asked the latter curiously. He had the idea that Eugene was someone of importance, for he had suggested as a parting argument that he could give a number of exceptional references.
"Can you wait a bit?" asked the latter curiously. He thought Eugene was someone significant, since he had mentioned as a parting point that he could provide several exceptional references.
"Certainly," said Eugene, and the secretary went his way, coming back in half an hour to hand him an enveloped letter.
"Sure," said Eugene, and the secretary left, returning in half an hour to give him an envelope with a letter.
"We have the idea," he said quite frankly waiving any suggestion of the president's influence in the matter and speaking for himself and the secretary-in-chief, with whom he had agreed that Eugene ought to be assisted, "that you had best apply to the engineering department. Mr. Hobsen, the chief-engineer, can arrange for you. This letter I think will get you what you want."
"We have a plan," he said openly, dismissing any hint of the president's involvement in the situation and speaking on behalf of himself and the chief secretary, with whom he had agreed that Eugene should receive support. "You should reach out to the engineering department. Mr. Hobsen, the chief engineer, can help you with that. I believe this letter will get you what you need."
Eugene's heart bounded. He looked at the superscription and saw it addressed to Mr. Woodruff Hobsen, Chief Engineer, and putting it in his pocket without stopping to read it, but thanking the under-secretary profusely, went out. In the hall at a safe distance he stopped and opened it, finding that it spoke of him familiarly as "Mr. Eugene Witla, an artist, temporarily incapacitated by neurasthenia," and went on to say that he was "desirous of being appointed to some manual toil in some construction corps. The president's office recommends this request to your favor."
Eugene's heart raced. He looked at the envelope and saw it was addressed to Mr. Woodruff Hobsen, Chief Engineer. Without stopping to read it, he put it in his pocket and thanked the under-secretary enthusiastically before heading out. Once he was in the hall, at a safe distance, he paused and opened it. Inside, it referred to him casually as "Mr. Eugene Witla, an artist, temporarily unable to work due to neurasthenia," and continued to say that he was "looking to be appointed for some manual labor in a construction crew. The president's office supports this request and recommends it to you."
When he read this he knew it meant a position. It roused curious feelings as to the nature and value of stratification. As a laborer he was nothing: as an artist he could get a position as a laborer. After all, his ability as an artist was worth something. It obtained him this refuge. He hugged it joyously, and a few moments later handed it to an under-secretary in the Chief-Engineer's office. Without being seen by anyone in authority he was in return given a letter to Mr. William Haverford, "Engineer of Maintenance of Way," a pale, anæmic gentleman of perhaps forty years of age, who, as Eugene learned from him [Pg 312] when he was eventually ushered into his presence a half hour later, was a captain of thirteen thousand men. The latter read the letter from the Engineer's office curiously. He was struck by Eugene's odd mission and his appearance as a man. Artists were queer. This was like one. Eugene reminded him of himself a little in his appearance.
When he read this, he realized it signified a job. It sparked his curiosity about the nature and significance of social hierarchy. As a laborer, he felt insignificant; as an artist, he could secure a role as a laborer. After all, his talent as an artist had value. It provided him with this sense of safety. He cherished it happily and a little later handed it to an under-secretary in the Chief-Engineer's office. Without anyone in authority noticing, he received a letter to Mr. William Haverford, "Engineer of Maintenance of Way," a pale, weak-looking man around forty years old, who, as Eugene learned from him [Pg 312] when he was finally shown in half an hour later, was in charge of thirteen thousand men. The latter read the letter from the Engineer's office with interest. He was intrigued by Eugene's unusual mission and his appearance. Artists were peculiar. This one reminded him a bit of himself.
"An artist," he said interestedly. "So you want to work as a day laborer?" He fixed Eugene with clear, coal-black eyes looking out of a long, pear-shaped face. Eugene noticed that his hands were long and thin and white and that his high, pale forehead was crowned by a mop of black hair.
"An artist," he said with interest. "So you want to work as a day laborer?" He looked at Eugene with his sharp, coal-black eyes set in a long, pear-shaped face. Eugene noticed that his hands were long, thin, and pale, and that his high, light forehead was topped with a tousled mass of black hair.
"Neurasthenia. I've heard a great deal about that of late, but have never been troubled that way myself. I find that I derive considerable benefit when I am nervous from the use of a rubber exerciser. You have seen them perhaps?"
"Neurasthenia. I've heard a lot about that recently, but I've never experienced it myself. I find that using a rubber exerciser is really helpful when I’m feeling anxious. Have you seen them, maybe?"
"Yes," Eugene replied, "I have. My case is much too grave for that, I think. I have traveled a great deal. But it doesn't seem to do me any good. I want work at something manual, I fancy—something at which I have to work. Exercise in a room would not help me. I think I need a complete change of environment. I will be much obliged if you will place me in some capacity."
"Yes," Eugene replied, "I have. My situation is way too serious for that, I think. I've traveled a lot, but it doesn't seem to help me. I want to do some kind of hands-on work, I guess—something that requires me to actually work. Exercise in a gym wouldn’t do me any good. I believe I need a total change of scenery. I'd really appreciate it if you could assign me to some position."
"Well, this will very likely be it," suggested Mr. Haverford blandly. "Working as a day-laborer will certainly not strike you as play. To tell you the truth, I don't think you can stand it." He reached for a glass-framed map showing the various divisions of the railroad stretching from New England to Chicago and St. Louis, and observed quietly. "I could send you to a great many places, Pennsylvania, New York, Ohio, Michigan, Canada." His finger roved idly about. "I have thirteen thousand men in my department and they are scattered far and wide."
"Well, this is probably it," Mr. Haverford said calmly. "Working as a laborer won’t feel like fun at all. Honestly, I don’t think you’ll be able to handle it." He reached for a glass-framed map that showed the different sections of the railroad stretching from New England to Chicago and St. Louis, and looked at it thoughtfully. "I could send you to many places: Pennsylvania, New York, Ohio, Michigan, Canada." His finger wandered around the map. "I have thirteen thousand people in my department, and they’re spread out all over."
Eugene marveled. Such a position! Such authority! This pale, dark man sitting as an engineer at a switch board directing so large a machine.
Eugene was amazed. What a position! What power! This pale, dark man was sitting as an engineer at a control board, managing such a massive machine.
"You have a large force," he said simply. Mr. Haverford smiled wanly.
"You have a big army," he said straightforwardly. Mr. Haverford smiled faintly.
"I think, if you will take my advice, you will not go in a construction corps right away. You can hardly do manual labor. There is a little carpenter shop which we have at Speonk, not very far outside the city, which I should think would answer your needs admirably. A little creek joins the Hudson there and it's out on a point of land, the shop is. It's summer now, and to put you in a broiling sun with a gang of Italians would be [Pg 313] a little rough. Take my advice and go here. It will be hard enough. After you are broken in and you think you want a change I can easily arrange it for you. The money may not make so much difference to you but you may as well have it. It will be fifteen cents an hour. I will give you a letter to Mr. Litlebrown, our division engineer, and he will see that you are properly provided for."
"I think, if you take my advice, you shouldn't join a construction crew right away. Manual labor isn't really your thing. There's a small carpentry shop we have in Speonk, not far from the city, which I think would suit you perfectly. A little creek meets the Hudson there, and the shop is on a point of land. It's summer now, and being stuck in the blazing sun with a group of Italians would be a bit rough. Trust me and go there. It will be challenging enough. Once you get used to it and feel like you want a change, I can easily set that up for you. The pay might not mean much to you, but you might as well take it. It will be fifteen cents an hour. I'll give you a letter to Mr. Litlebrown, our division engineer, and he'll make sure you're taken care of."
Eugene bowed. Inwardly he smiled at the thought that the money would not be acceptable to him. Anything would be acceptable. Perhaps this would be best. It was near the city. The description of the little carpenter shop out on the neck of land appealed to him. It was, as he found when he looked at the map of the immediate division to which this belonged, almost within the city limits. He could live in New York—the upper portion of it anyhow.
Eugene nodded. Inside, he smiled at the idea that the money wouldn’t matter to him. Anything would work for him. Maybe this was the best option. It was close to the city. The description of the small carpenter shop out on the neck of land caught his interest. He discovered when he checked the map of the area this belonged to that it was nearly within the city limits. He could live in New York—at least the northern part of it.
Again there was a letter, this time to Mr. Henry C. Litlebrown, a tall, meditative, philosophic man whom Eugene found two days later in the division offices at Yonkers, who in turn wrote a letter to Mr. Joseph Brooks, Superintendent of Buildings, at Mott Haven, whose secretary finally gave Eugene a letter to Mr. Jack Stix, foreman carpenter at Speonk. This letter, when presented on a bright Friday afternoon, brought him the advice to come Monday at seven A. M., and so Eugene saw a career as a day laborer stretching very conspicuously before him.
Once again, there was a letter, this time addressed to Mr. Henry C. Litlebrown, a tall, thoughtful, philosophical guy whom Eugene found two days later at the division offices in Yonkers. Litlebrown then wrote a letter to Mr. Joseph Brooks, the Superintendent of Buildings at Mott Haven, whose secretary eventually handed Eugene a letter for Mr. Jack Stix, the foreman carpenter at Speonk. This letter, when delivered on a sunny Friday afternoon, advised him to show up Monday at 7 A.M. As a result, Eugene began to see a career as a day laborer opening up very clearly in front of him.
The "little shop" in question was located in the most charming manner possible. If it had been set as a stage scene for his especial artistic benefit it could not have been better. On a point of land between the river and the main line of the railroad and a little creek, which was east of the railroad and which the latter crossed on a trestle to get back to the mainland again, it stood, a long, low two-storey structure, green as to its roof, red as to its body, full of windows which commanded picturesque views of passing yachts and steamers and little launches and row-boats anchored safely in the waters of the cove which the creek formed. There was a veritable song of labor which arose from this shop, for it was filled with planes, lathes and wood-turning instruments of various kinds, to say nothing of a great group of carpenters who could make desks, chairs, tables, in short, office furniture of various kinds, and who kept the company's needs of these fittings for its depots and offices well supplied. Each carpenter had a bench before a window on the second floor, and in the centre were the few necessary machines they were always using, small jig, cross cut, band and rip saws, a plane, and four or five lathes. On the ground floor was the engine room, the blacksmith's [Pg 314] shop, the giant plane, the great jig and cross cut saws, and the store room and supply closets. Out in the yard were piles of lumber, with tracks in between, and twice every day a local freight called "The Dinky" stopped to switch in or take out loaded cars of lumber or finished furniture and supplies. Eugene, as he approached on the day he presented his letter, stopped to admire the neatness of the low board fence which surrounded it all, the beauty of the water, the droning sweetness of the saws.
The "little shop" in question was positioned in the most charming way possible. If it had been set up as a stage scene just for his artistic benefit, it couldn't have been better. On a piece of land between the river and the main railway line, plus a small creek that ran east of the railroad and which the latter crossed on a trestle to return to the mainland, it stood— a long, low two-story building, with a green roof and a red body, full of windows that offered picturesque views of passing yachts, steamers, little launches, and rowboats safely anchored in the waters of the cove created by the creek. There was a real symphony of work coming from this shop, as it was filled with planes, lathes, and various wood-turning tools, not to mention a large group of carpenters who could make desks, chairs, tables—in short, all kinds of office furniture—and who kept the company's supply of these fittings for its depots and offices well stocked. Each carpenter had a bench in front of a window on the second floor, and in the center were a few essential machines they used regularly: small jig saws, crosscut saws, band saws, a plane, and four or five lathes. On the ground floor were the engine room, the blacksmith's shop, the giant plane, the large jig and crosscut saws, along with the storeroom and supply closets. Out in the yard were piles of lumber, with tracks in between, and twice a day, a local freight train called "The Dinky" stopped to switch in or take out loaded cars of lumber or finished furniture and supplies. As Eugene approached on the day he delivered his letter, he paused to admire the neatness of the low wooden fence that surrounded the shop, the beauty of the water, and the harmonious sound of the saws.
"Why, the work here couldn't be very hard," he thought. He saw carpenters looking out of the upper windows, and a couple of men in brown overalls and jumpers unloading a car. They were carrying great three-by-six joists on their shoulders. Would he be asked to do anything like that. He scarcely thought so. Mr. Haverford had distinctly indicated in his letter to Mr. Litlebrown that he was to be built up by degrees. Carrying great joists did not appeal to him as the right way, but he presented his letter. He had previously looked about on the high ground which lay to the back of the river and which commanded this point of land, to see if he could find a place to board and lodge, but had seen nothing. The section was very exclusive, occupied by suburban New Yorkers of wealth, and they were not interested in the proposition which he had formulated in his own mind, namely his temporary reception somewhere as a paying guest. He had visions of a comfortable home somewhere now with nice people, for strangely enough the securing of this very minor position had impressed him as the beginning of the end of his bad luck. He was probably going to get well now, in the course of time. If he could only live with some nice family for the summer. In the fall if he were improving, and he thought he might be, Angela could come on. It might be that one of the dealers, Pottle Frères or Jacob Bergman or Henry LaRue would have sold a picture. One hundred and fifty or two hundred dollars joined to his salary would go a long way towards making their living moderately comfortable. Besides Angela's taste and economy, coupled with his own art judgment, could make any little place look respectable and attractive.
"Why, the work here can’t be that hard," he thought. He saw carpenters looking out of the upper windows and a couple of guys in brown overalls and sweaters unloading a truck. They were carrying large three-by-six beams on their shoulders. Would he have to do something like that? He didn’t think so. Mr. Haverford had clearly stated in his letter to Mr. Litlebrown that he was to be gradually trained. Carrying heavy beams didn’t seem like the right approach, but he handed over his letter. He had already checked out the high ground behind the river, looking for a place to stay, but hadn’t found anything. This area was very exclusive, populated by wealthy suburban New Yorkers who weren’t interested in his idea of finding a temporary spot to stay as a paying guest. He envisioned a cozy home with nice people, as oddly enough, landing this minor job felt like the turning point in his bad luck. He thought he would finally start to get better over time. If only he could stay with a nice family for the summer. In the fall, if he was improving—and he thought he might be—Angela could come visit. It might be that one of the dealers, Pottle Frères, Jacob Bergman, or Henry LaRue, would have sold a painting. A hundred and fifty or two hundred dollars added to his salary would go a long way toward making their living somewhat comfortable. Plus, Angela’s taste and budget, along with his own artistic judgment, could make any little place look respectable and inviting.
The problem of finding a room was not so easy. He followed the track south to a settlement which was visible from the shop windows a quarter of a mile away, and finding nothing which suited his taste as to location, returned to Speonk proper and followed the little creek inland half a mile. This adventure delighted him for it revealed a semi-circle of charming cottages ranged upon a hill slope which had for its footstool the little [Pg 315] silvery-bosomed stream. Between the stream and the hill slope ran a semi-circular road and above that another road. Eugene could see at a glance that here was middle class prosperity, smooth lawns, bright awnings, flower pots of blue and yellow and green upon the porches, doorsteps and verandas. An auto standing in front of one house indicated a certain familiarity with the ways of the rich, and a summer road house, situated at the intersection of a road leading out from New York and the little stream where it was crossed by a bridge, indicated that the charms of this village were not unknown to those who came touring and seeking for pleasure. The road house itself was hung with awnings and one dining balcony out over the water. Eugene's desire was fixed on this village at once. He wanted to live here—anywhere in it. He walked about under the cool shade of the trees looking at first one door yard and then another wishing that he might introduce himself by letter and be received. They ought to welcome an artist of his ability and refinement and would, he thought, if they knew. His working in a furniture factory or for the railroad as a day laborer for his health simply added to his picturesque character. In his wanderings he finally came upon a Methodist church quaintly built of red brick and grey stone trimmings, and the sight of its tall, stained glass windows and square fortress-like bell-tower gave him an idea. Why not appeal to the minister? He could explain to him what he wanted, show him his credentials—for he had with him old letters from editors, publishers and art houses—and give him a clear understanding as to why he wanted to come here at all. His ill health and distinction ought to appeal to this man, and he would probably direct him to some one who would gladly have him. At five in the afternoon he knocked at the door and was received in the pastor's study—a large still room in which a few flies were buzzing in the shaded light. In a few moments the minister himself came in—a tall, grey-headed man, severely simple in his attire and with the easy air of one who is used to public address. He was about to ask what he could do for him when Eugene began with his explanation.
Finding a place to stay wasn’t easy. He followed the path south to a settlement that he could see from the shop windows a quarter of a mile away, but after not finding anything he liked, he returned to Speonk and followed the little creek inland for half a mile. This little adventure thrilled him because it revealed a semi-circle of charming cottages on a hillside, resting at the edge of the little [Pg 315] silvery stream. A semi-circular road ran between the stream and the hillside, and above that was another road. Eugene could instantly tell that this was a middle-class neighborhood, with well-kept lawns, colorful awnings, and flower pots in blue, yellow, and green on the porches, doorsteps, and verandas. A car parked in front of one house suggested a level of comfort and familiarity with the wealthy, while a summer road house, located at the junction of a road leading out from New York and the little stream where it crossed by a bridge, showed that the beauty of this village was appreciated by visitors seeking enjoyment. The road house itself was adorned with awnings and had a dining balcony that extended over the water. Eugene instantly felt drawn to this village. He wanted to live here—anywhere in it. He strolled under the cool shade of the trees, looking at one front yard after another, wishing he could introduce himself through a letter and get a warm welcome. They should embrace an artist of his talent and sophistication, or so he thought, if only they knew. His job in a furniture factory or as a day laborer for the railroad to support his health only added to his unique charm. During his wandering, he stumbled upon a quaint Methodist church made of red brick with grey stone accents, and the sight of its tall stained glass windows and sturdy, square bell tower sparked an idea. Why not reach out to the minister? He could explain what he was looking for, show his credentials—he had old letters from editors, publishers, and art institutions—and clarify why he wanted to be here at all. His health issues and artistic reputation should resonate with this man, and he would likely point him toward someone who would welcome him. At five in the afternoon, he knocked on the door and was welcomed into the pastor's study—a large, quiet room with a few flies buzzing in the dim light. Moments later, the minister entered—a tall, gray-haired man dressed simply and exuding the confidence of someone accustomed to speaking in public. He was about to ask how he could assist when Eugene began his explanation.
"You don't know me at all. I am a stranger in this section. I am an artist by profession and I am coming to Speonk on Monday to work in the railroad shop there for my health. I have been suffering from a nervous breakdown and am going to try day labor for awhile. I want to find a convenient, pleasant place to live, and I thought you might know of someone here, or near here, who might be willing to take me in for a little while. I [Pg 316] can give excellent references. There doesn't appear to be anything in the immediate neighborhood of the shop."
"You don’t know me at all. I’m a stranger in this area. I’m an artist by profession, and I’m coming to Speonk on Monday to work in the railroad shop there for my health. I’ve been dealing with a nervous breakdown and am going to try day labor for a while. I’m looking for a convenient, pleasant place to stay, and I thought you might know someone here, or nearby, who might be willing to take me in for a little while. I [Pg 316] can provide excellent references. There doesn’t seem to be anything available in the immediate area around the shop."
"It is rather isolated there," replied the old minister, studying Eugene carefully. "I have often wondered how all those men like it, traveling so far. None of them live about here." He looked at Eugene solemnly, taking in his various characteristics. He was not badly impressed. He seemed to be a reserved, thoughtful, dignified young man and decidedly artistic. It struck him as very interesting that he should be trying so radical a thing as day labor for his nerves.
"It’s pretty isolated out there," replied the old minister, studying Eugene closely. "I’ve often wondered how all those men handle it, traveling so far. None of them live around here." He looked at Eugene seriously, taking in his various traits. He wasn't unimpressed. Eugene appeared to be a reserved, thoughtful, dignified young man and definitely artistic. It struck him as very interesting that he would attempt something as drastic as day labor for his nerves.
"Let me see," he said thoughtfully. He sat down in his chair near his table and put his hand over his eyes. "I don't think of anyone just at the moment. There are plenty of families who have room to take you if they would, but I question very much whether they would. In fact I'm rather sure they wouldn't. Let me see now."
"Let me think," he said thoughtfully. He sat in his chair by the table and covered his eyes with his hand. "I can't think of anyone right now. There are a lot of families that have space to take you in if they wanted to, but I seriously doubt they would. In fact, I'm pretty sure they won't. Let me think for a moment."
He thought again.
He thought again.
Eugene studied his big aquiline nose, his shaggy grey eyebrows, his thick, crisp, grey hair. Already his mind was sketching him, the desk, the dim walls, the whole atmosphere of the room.
Eugene examined his prominent, curved nose, his unkempt gray eyebrows, and his thick, sharp gray hair. His mind was already outlining the scene: himself, the desk, the dimly lit walls, the entire vibe of the room.
"No, no," he said slowly. "I don't think of anyone. There is one family—Mrs. Hibberdell. She lives in the—let me see—first, second, third, tenth house above here. She has one nephew with her at present, a young man of about your age, and I don't think anyone else. I don't know that she would consider taking you in, but she might. Her house is quite large. She did have her daughter with her at one time, but I'm not sure that she's there now. I think not."
"No, no," he said slowly. "I don't think of anyone specific. There's one family—Mrs. Hibberdell. She lives in the—let me see—first, second, third, tenth house up from here. She currently has a nephew living with her, a young man about your age, and I don't think anyone else is there. I'm not sure if she would consider taking you in, but she might. Her house is pretty big. She used to have her daughter living with her, but I'm not sure if she's there now. I don't think so."
He talked as though he were reporting his own thoughts to himself audibly.
He spoke as if he were voicing his own thoughts out loud to himself.
Eugene pricked up his ears at the mention of a daughter. During all the time he had been out of New York he had not, with the exception of Frieda, had a single opportunity to talk intimately with any girl. Angela had been with him all the time. Here in New York since he had been back he had been living under such distressing conditions that he had not thought of either youth or love. He had no business to be thinking of it now, but this summer air, this tree-shaded village, the fact that he had a position, small as it was, on which he could depend and which would no doubt benefit him mentally, and that he was somehow feeling better about himself because he was going to work, made him feel that he might look more interestedly on life again. He was not going to die; he was going to get well. [Pg 317] Finding this position proved it. And he might go to the house now and find some charming girl who would like him very much. Angela was away. He was alone. He had again the freedom of his youth. If he were only well and working!
Eugene perked up at the mention of a daughter. During all the time he had been away from New York, he hadn’t had a single chance to talk closely with any girl, except for Frieda. Angela had been with him the whole time. Since he returned to New York, he had been living under such stressful conditions that he hadn’t thought about youth or love at all. He shouldn’t be thinking about it now, but this summer air, this tree-shaded village, the fact that he had a job, even if it was small, which he could rely on and which would likely help him mentally, made him feel like he might look at life with more interest again. He wasn’t going to die; he was going to get better. [Pg 317] Finding this job proved it. And he could go to the house now and meet some lovely girl who would really like him. Angela was away. He was alone. He had the freedom of his youth again. If only he were well and working!
He thanked the old minister very politely and went his way, recognizing the house by certain details given him by the minister, a double balconied veranda, some red rockers, two yellow jardinières at the doorstep, a greyish white picket fence and gate. He walked up smartly and rang the bell. A very intelligent woman of perhaps fifty-five or sixty with bright grey hair and clear light blue eyes was coming out with a book in her hand. Eugene stated his case. She listened with keen interest, looking him over the while. His appearance took her fancy, for she was of a strong intellectual and literary turn of mind.
He thanked the old minister very politely and went on his way, recognizing the house by certain details the minister had shared with him: a double-balconied porch, some red rocking chairs, two yellow planters at the doorstep, and a grayish-white picket fence and gate. He walked up confidently and rang the bell. A very sharp woman, probably around fifty-five or sixty, with bright gray hair and clear light blue eyes, was coming out with a book in her hand. Eugene explained his situation. She listened with keen interest, observing him closely. His appearance caught her attention, as she had a strong intellectual and literary inclination.
"I wouldn't ordinarily consider anything of the kind, but I am alone here with my nephew and the house could easily accommodate a dozen. I don't want to do anything which will irritate him, but if you will come back in the morning I will let you know. It would not disturb me to have you about. Do you happen to know of an artist by the name of Deesa?"
"I wouldn’t usually think about anything like this, but I’m here alone with my nephew, and the house could easily fit a dozen people. I don’t want to do anything that might annoy him, but if you come back in the morning, I’ll let you know. I wouldn’t mind having you around. Do you happen to know an artist named Deesa?"
"I know him well," replied Eugene. "He's an old friend of mine."
"I know him well," replied Eugene. "He's an old friend of mine."
"He is a friend of my daughter's, I think. Have you enquired anywhere else here in the village?"
"He's a friend of my daughter's, I think. Have you asked anyone else here in the village?"
"No," said Eugene.
"No," said Eugene.
"That is just as well," she replied.
"That's just as well," she said.
He took the hint.
He got the hint.
So there was no daughter here. Well, what matter? The view was beautiful. Of an evening he could sit out here in one of the rocking chairs and look at the water. The evening sun, already low in the west was burnishing it a bright gold. The outline of the hill on the other side was dignified and peaceful. He could sleep and work as a day laborer and take life easy for a while. He could get well now and this was the way to do it. Day laborer! How fine, how original, how interesting. He felt somewhat like a knight-errant reconnoitring a new and very strange world.
So there was no daughter here. Well, what does it matter? The view was beautiful. In the evenings, he could sit out here in one of the rocking chairs and look at the water. The setting sun, already low in the west, was shining on it a bright gold. The outline of the hill on the other side looked dignified and peaceful. He could sleep and work as a day laborer and take life easy for a while. He could get better now, and this was the way to do it. Day laborer! How nice, how original, how interesting. He felt a bit like a knight-errant exploring a new and very strange world.
CHAPTER XX
The matter of securing admission to this house was quickly settled. The nephew, a genial, intelligent man of thirty-four, as Eugene discovered later, had no objection. It appeared to Eugene that in some way he contributed to the support of this house, though Mrs. Hibberdell obviously had some money of her own. A charmingly furnished room on the second floor adjoining one of the several baths was assigned him, and he was at once admitted to the freedom of the house. There were books, a piano (but no one to play it), a hammock, a maid-of-all-work, and an atmosphere of content and peace. Mrs. Hibberdell, a widow, presumably of some years of widowhood, was of that experience and judgment in life which gave her intellectual poise. She was not particularly inquisitive about anything in connection with him, and so far as he could see from surface indications was refined, silent, conservative. She could jest, and did, in a subtle understanding way. He told her quite frankly at the time he applied that he was married, that his wife was in the West and that he expected her to return after his health was somewhat improved. She talked with him about art and books and life in general. Music appeared to be to her a thing apart. She did not care much for it. The nephew, Davis Simpson, was neither literary nor artistic, and apparently cared little for music. He was a buyer for one of the larger department stores, a slight, dapper, rather dandified type of man, with a lean, not thin but tight-muscled face, and a short black mustache, and he appeared to be interested only in the humors of character, trade, baseball and methods of entertaining himself. The things that pleased Eugene about him were that he was clean, simple, direct, good-natured and courteous. He had apparently no desire to infringe on anybody's privacy, but was fond of stirring up light discussions and interpolating witty remarks. He liked also to grow flowers and to fish. The care of a border of flowers which glorified a short gravel path in the back yard received his especial attention evenings and mornings.
The issue of getting a place in this house was settled pretty quickly. The nephew, a friendly and smart thirty-four-year-old, as Eugene later found out, had no problem with it. Eugene thought he somehow supported the house, although Mrs. Hibberdell clearly had some money of her own. He was given a nicely decorated room on the second floor next to one of the bathrooms and was instantly welcomed into the house. There were books, a piano (but no one to play it), a hammock, a maid who did everything, and an overall vibe of comfort and tranquility. Mrs. Hibberdell, a widow presumably for several years, had the kind of life experience and judgment that gave her a calm intelligence. She wasn’t particularly nosy about anything related to him, and as far as he could tell from her demeanor, she was refined, quiet, and traditional. She could joke, and she did so in a subtly understanding way. When he first applied, he told her straightforwardly he was married, that his wife was in the West, and he expected her back once his health improved. They chatted about art, books, and life in general. Music seemed to be a separate matter for her; she wasn’t very into it. The nephew, Davis Simpson, wasn’t into literature or art and seemed to care little for music. He worked as a buyer for one of the bigger department stores and was a slender, well-groomed, somewhat fussy man, with a lean, taut face and a short black mustache. He was mainly interested in character quirks, business, baseball, and ways to entertain himself. What Eugene liked about him was that he was clean, straightforward, friendly, and polite. He seemed to have no intention of invading anyone’s privacy but enjoyed sparking light conversations and adding witty comments. He also liked gardening and fishing. He especially dedicated time in the evenings and mornings to taking care of a flower border that brightened up a short gravel path in the backyard.
It was a great pleasure for Eugene to come into this atmosphere after the storm which had been assailing him for the past three years, and particularly for the past ninety days. He was only asked to pay eight dollars a week by Mrs. Hibberdell, though [Pg 319] he realized that what he was obtaining in home atmosphere here was not ordinarily purchasable at any price in the public market. The maid saw to it that a little bouquet of flowers was put on his dressing table daily. He was given fresh towels and linen in ample quantities. The bath was his own. He could sit out on the porch of an evening and look at the water uninterrupted or he could stay in the library and read. Breakfast and dinner were invariably delightful occasions, for though he rose at five-forty-five in order to have his bath, breakfast, and be able to walk to the factory and reach it by seven, Mrs. Hibberdell was invariably up, as it was her habit to rise thus early, had been so for years. She liked it. Eugene in his weary mood could scarcely understand this. Davis came to the table some few moments before he would be leaving. He invariably had some cheery remark to offer, for he was never sullen or gloomy. His affairs, whatever they were, did not appear to oppress him. Mrs. Hibberdell would talk to Eugene genially about his work, this small, social centre of which they were a part and which was called Riverwood, the current movements in politics, religion, science and so forth. There were references sometimes to her one daughter, who was married and living in New York. It appeared that she occasionally visited her mother here. Eugene was delighted to think he had been so fortunate as to find this place. He hoped to make himself so agreeable that there would be no question as to his welcome, and he was not disappointed.
Eugene was really happy to be in this environment after the difficult three years he’d been going through, especially the last ninety days. Mrs. Hibberdell only asked him to pay eight dollars a week, but he knew that the warm home atmosphere he was getting here wasn't something you could usually buy anywhere. The maid made sure a little bouquet of flowers was placed on his dressing table every day. He had plenty of fresh towels and linens. The bathroom was for his personal use. He could relax on the porch in the evening and enjoy the view of the water without interruption, or he could read in the library. Meals were always a pleasure because even though he woke up at five-forty-five to take his bath and have breakfast before walking to the factory by seven, Mrs. Hibberdell was up too. She had been an early riser for years because she liked it that way. Eugene couldn't really understand this when he felt so exhausted. Davis would join them at the table just before he left, always ready with a cheerful comment since he was never down or gloomy. Whatever was going on in his life didn’t seem to weigh him down. Mrs. Hibberdell would chat with Eugene about his job, the little community they lived in called Riverwood, current events in politics, religion, science, and more. Sometimes she mentioned her married daughter who lived in New York and occasionally visited her mother. Eugene felt lucky to have found this place and hoped to be so likable that there would be no doubt about his welcome, and he was not let down.
Between themselves Mrs. Hibberdell and Davis discussed him, agreeing that he was entirely charming, a good fellow, and well worth having about. At the factory where Eugene worked and where the conditions were radically different, he made for himself an atmosphere which was almost entirely agreeable to him, though he quarreled at times with specific details. On the first morning, for instance, he was put to work with two men, heavy clods of souls he thought at first, familiarly known about the yard as John and Bill. These two, to his artistic eye, appeared machines, more mechanical than humanly self-directive. They were of medium height, not more than five feet, nine inches tall and weighed about one hundred and eighty pounds each. One had a round, poorly modeled face very much the shape of an egg, to which was attached a heavy yellowish mustache. He had a glass eye, complicated in addition by a pair of spectacles which were fastened over his large, protruding red ears with steel hooks. He wore a battered brown hat, now a limp shapeless mass. His name was Bill Jeffords and he responded sometimes to the sobriquet of "One Eye."
Between themselves, Mrs. Hibberdell and Davis talked about him, agreeing that he was completely charming, a great guy, and definitely worth having around. At the factory where Eugene worked, which had a very different atmosphere, he created an almost entirely pleasant environment for himself, although he occasionally had disagreements over specific issues. For example, on his first morning, he was assigned to work with two men, whom he initially thought were heavy, dull beings and were known around the yard as John and Bill. To his artistic eye, these two seemed more like machines than people with their own direction. They were both of medium height, no taller than five feet, nine inches, and weighed about one hundred eighty pounds each. One had a round, poorly shaped face reminiscent of an egg, complete with a heavy yellowish mustache. He had a glass eye, complicated further by a pair of glasses that were hooked over his large, protruding red ears with steel clips. He wore a battered brown hat that had become a limp, shapeless mess. His name was Bill Jeffords, and he was sometimes called "One Eye."
[Pg 320] The other man was John alias "Jack" Duncan, an individual of the same height and build with but slightly more modeling to his face and with little if any greater intelligence. He looked somewhat the shrewder—Eugene fancied there might be lurking in him somewhere a spark of humor, but he was mistaken. Unquestionably in Jeffords there was none. Jack Stix, the foreman-carpenter, a tall, angular, ambling man with red hair, a red mustache, shifty, uncertain blue eyes and noticeably big hands and feet, had suggested to Eugene that he work with these men for a little while. It was his idea to "try him out," as he told one of the associate foremen who was in charge of a gang of Italians working in the yard for the morning, and he was quite equal to doing it. He thought Eugene had no business here and might possibly be scared off by a little rough work.
[Pg 320] The other guy was John, who went by "Jack" Duncan. He was about the same height and build but had a slightly more defined face and didn’t seem much smarter. He looked a bit more cunning—Eugene thought there might be a hint of humor in him, but he was wrong. There was definitely none in Jeffords. Jack Stix, the foreman carpenter, was a tall, lanky guy with red hair, a red mustache, shifty blue eyes, and noticeably large hands and feet. He suggested to Eugene that he should work with these guys for a bit. He wanted to "try him out," as he mentioned to one of the other foremen who was managing a group of Italians working in the yard that morning, and he was more than capable of doing it. He believed Eugene didn’t belong there and might be intimidated by a bit of tough work.
"He's up here for his health," he told him. "I don't know where he comes from. Mr. Brooks sent him up here with orders to put him on. I want to see how he takes to real work for awhile."
"He's up here for his health," he said. "I don't know where he's from. Mr. Brooks sent him up here with instructions to get him started. I want to see how he handles real work for a bit."
"Look out you don't hurt him," suggested the other. "He don't look very strong to me."
"Be careful not to hurt him," the other suggested. "He doesn't seem very strong to me."
"He's strong enough to carry a few spiles, I guess. If Jimmy can carry 'em, he can. I don't intend to keep him at it long."
"He's strong enough to carry a few taps, I guess. If Jimmy can carry them, he can too. I don't plan on having him do it for long."
Eugene knew nothing of this, but when he was told to "come along, new man" and shown a pile of round, rough ash trunk cutting six inches in diameter and eight feet long, his courage failed him. He was suffered to carry some of these to the second floor, how many he did not know.
Eugene was unaware of any of this, but when someone said "come on, new guy" and pointed to a pile of round, rough ash logs that were six inches in diameter and eight feet long, he lost his confidence. He was allowed to carry a few of these up to the second floor, but he had no idea how many.
"Take 'em to Thompson up there in the corner," said Jeffords dully.
"Take them to Thompson up in the corner," Jeffords said flatly.
Eugene grasped one uncertainly in the middle with his thin, artistic hands. He did not know that there were ways of handling lumber just as there were ways of handling a brush. He tried to lift it but could not. The rough bark scratched his fingers cruelly.
Eugene held one awkwardly in the middle with his thin, artistic hands. He didn’t realize there were techniques for handling wood just like there are for using a brush. He tried to lift it but couldn’t. The rough bark scraped against his fingers painfully.
"Yah gotta learn somepin about that before yuh begin, I guess," said Jack Duncan, who had been standing by eyeing him narrowly.
"Yeah, you need to learn something about that before you start, I guess," said Jack Duncan, who had been standing by watching him closely.
Jeffords had gone about some other work.
Jeffords had moved on to some other tasks.
"I suppose I don't know very much about it," replied Eugene shamefacedly stopping and waiting for further instructions.
"I guess I don't know too much about it," Eugene said, looking embarrassed as he paused and waited for more instructions.
"Lemme show you a trick," said his associate. "There's tricks in all these here trades. Take it by the end this-a-way, and push it along until you can stand it up. Stoop down now and put your shoulder right next the middle. Gotta pad under your [Pg 321] shirt? You oughtta have one. Now put your right arm out ahead o'yuh, on the spile. Now you're all right."
"Lemme show you a trick," said his associate. "There are tricks in all these trades. Grab it by the end like this, and push it along until you can stand it up. Bend down now and put your shoulder right in the middle. Got a pad under your [Pg 321] shirt? You should have one. Now extend your right arm out in front of you, onto the spile. Now you're all set."
Eugene straightened up and the rough post balanced itself evenly but crushingly on his shoulder. It appeared to grind his muscles and his back and legs ached instantly. He started bravely forward straining to appear at ease but within fifty feet he was suffering agony. He walked the length of the shop, however, up the stairs and back again to the window where Thompson was, his forehead bursting with perspiration and his ears red with blood. He fairly staggered as he neared the machine and dropped the post heavily.
Eugene straightened up, and the rough post settled heavily on his shoulder. It felt like it was crushing his muscles, and his back and legs started to ache immediately. He pushed ahead bravely, trying to look relaxed, but within fifty feet, he was in serious pain. Even so, he walked the length of the shop, climbed the stairs, and returned to the window where Thompson was, his forehead dripping with sweat and his ears flushed. He almost fell over as he got closer to the machine and dropped the post with a thud.
"Look what you're doin'," said a voice behind him. It was Thompson, the lathe worker. "Can't you put that down easy?"
"Look at what you're doing," said a voice behind him. It was Thompson, the lathe worker. "Can't you just put that down carefully?"
"No, I can't," replied Eugene angrily, his face tinged with a faint blush from his extreme exertion. He was astonished and enraged to think they should put him to doing work like this, especially since Mr. Haverford had told him it would be easy. He suspected at once a plot to drive him away. He would have added "these are too damn heavy for me," but he restrained himself. He went down stairs wondering how he was to get up the others. He fingered about the pole gingerly hoping that the time taken this way would ease his pain and give him strength for the next one. Finally he picked up another and staggered painfully to the loft again. The foreman had his eye on him but said nothing. It amused him a little to think Eugene was having such a hard time. It wouldn't hurt him for a change, would do him good. "When he gets four carried up let him go," he said to Thompson, however, feeling that he had best lighten the situation a little. The latter watched Eugene out of the tail of his eye noting the grimaces he made and the strain he was undergoing, but he merely smiled. When four had been dropped on the floor he said: "That'll do for the present," and Eugene, heaving a groan of relief, went angrily away. In his nervous, fantastic, imaginative and apprehensive frame of mind, he imagined he had been injured for life. He feared he had strained a muscle or broken a blood vessel somewhere.
"No, I can't," Eugene replied angrily, his face slightly flushed from the effort. He was shocked and furious that they were making him do such hard work, especially since Mr. Haverford had said it would be easy. He immediately suspected they were trying to drive him away. He wanted to say "these are too damn heavy for me," but he held back. He went downstairs, wondering how he would manage to get the others up. He gingerly touched the pole, hoping that taking his time would ease his pain and give him strength for the next one. Finally, he picked up another and painfully staggered back to the loft. The foreman watched him but didn't say anything. It amused him a bit to see Eugene struggling. It wouldn't hurt him to have a tough time for once; in fact, it might do him some good. "When he gets four carried up, let him go," he told Thompson, thinking it was best to lighten the mood a bit. Thompson observed Eugene out of the corner of his eye, noticing the grimaces and strain, but he just smiled. When Eugene dropped four onto the floor, the foreman said, "That'll do for now," and Eugene, letting out a groan of relief, angrily walked away. In his anxious, imaginative, and worried state of mind, he thought he might have injured himself for life. He feared he had strained a muscle or broken a blood vessel somewhere.
"Good heavens, I can't stand anything like this," he thought. "If the work is going to be this hard I'll have to quit. I wonder what they mean by treating me this way. I didn't come here to do this."
"Good grief, I can't handle anything like this," he thought. "If the work is going to be this tough, I'll have to quit. I wonder what they mean by treating me like this. I didn't come here to do this."
Visions of days and weeks of back-breaking toil stretched before him. It would never do. He couldn't stand it. He saw his old search for work coming back, and this frightened him in another direction. "I mustn't give up so easily," he counseled [Pg 322] himself in spite of his distress. "I have to stick this out a little while anyhow." It seemed in this first trying hour as though he were between the devil and the deep sea. He went slowly down into the yard to find Jeffords and Duncan. They were working at a car, one inside receiving lumber to be piled, the other bringing it to him.
Visions of days and weeks of hard work loomed ahead of him. It wouldn’t be acceptable. He couldn’t handle it. He felt his old job search creeping back, and that scared him even more. “I can’t give up so easily,” he reminded himself despite his anxiety. “I have to hang in there for a little while, at least.” In this first challenging hour, it felt like he was caught between a rock and a hard place. He slowly made his way down to the yard to find Jeffords and Duncan. They were working on a car, one inside receiving lumber to stack, while the other brought it to him.
"Get down, Bill," said John, who was on the ground looking up at his partner indifferently. "You get up there, new man. What's your name?"
"Get down, Bill," said John, who was on the ground looking up at his partner casually. "You get up there, rookie. What's your name?"
"Witla," said Eugene.
"Witla," Eugene said.
"Well, my name's Duncan. We'll bring this stuff to you and you pile it."
"Hey, I'm Duncan. We'll bring this stuff to you and you can stack it up."
It was more heavy lumber, as Eugene apprehensively observed, quarter cut joists for some building—"four by fours" they called them—but after he was shown the art of handling them they were not unmanageable. There were methods of sliding and balancing them which relieved him of a great quantity of labor. Eugene had not thought to provide himself with gloves though, and his hands were being cruelly torn. He stopped once to pick a splinter out of his thumb and Jeffords, who was coming up, asked, "Ain't cha got no gloves?"
It was more heavy lumber, as Eugene nervously observed, quarter cut joists for some building—"four by fours" they called them—but once he was shown how to handle them, they weren’t too hard to manage. There were ways to slide and balance them that eased a lot of his work. Eugene hadn’t thought to bring gloves, though, and his hands were getting badly scraped. He stopped once to pull a splinter out of his thumb when Jeffords, who was approaching, asked, "Don’t you have any gloves?"
"No," said Eugene, "I didn't think to get any."
"No," Eugene said, "I didn’t think to grab any."
"Your hands'll get pretty well bunged up, I'm afraid. Maybe Joseph'll let you have his for to-day, you might go in and ask him."
"Your hands are going to get pretty messed up, I'm afraid. Maybe Joseph will let you borrow his for today; you could go in and ask him."
"Where's Joseph?" asked Eugene.
"Where's Joseph?" Eugene asked.
"He's inside there. He's taking from the plane."
"He's inside there. He's taking from the plane."
Eugene did not understand this quite. He knew what a plane was, had been listening to it sing mightily all the morning, the shavings flying as it smoothed the boards, but taking?
Eugene didn't quite get this. He knew what a plane was and had been hearing it roar all morning, the shavings flying as it smoothed the boards, but taking?
"Where's Joseph?" he asked of the plane driver.
"Where's Joseph?" he asked the pilot.
He nodded his head to a tall hump-shouldered boy of perhaps twenty-two. He was a big, simple, innocent looking fellow. His face was long and narrow, his mouth wide, his eyes a watery blue, his hair a shock of brown, loose and wavy, with a good sprinkling of sawdust in it. About his waist was a big piece of hemp bagging tied by a grass rope. He wore an old faded wool cap with a long visor in order to shield his eyes from the flying chips and dust, and when Eugene came in one hand was lifted protectingly to shield his eyes. Eugene approached him deprecatingly.
He nodded at a tall, hunched boy who looked around twenty-two. He was a big, simple, innocent-looking guy. His face was long and narrow, his mouth wide, his eyes a watery blue, and his hair was a messy shock of brown, loose and wavy, with a good amount of sawdust in it. Around his waist, he had a big piece of hemp bagging tied with a grass rope. He wore an old, faded wool cap with a long visor to shield his eyes from the flying chips and dust, and when Eugene entered, one hand went up protectively to cover his eyes. Eugene approached him with a humble demeanor.
"One of the men out in the yard said that you might have a pair of gloves you would lend me for to-day. I'm piling lumber and it's tearing my hands. I forgot to get a pair."
"One of the guys out in the yard said you might have a pair of gloves you could lend me for today. I'm stacking lumber and it's tearing up my hands. I forgot to grab a pair."
[Pg 323] "Sure," said Joseph genially waving his hand to the driver to stop. "They're over here in my locker. I know what that is. I been there. When I come here they rubbed it into me jist as they're doin' to you. Doncher mind. You'll come out all right. Up here for your health, are you? It ain't always like that. Somedays there ain't most nothin' to do here. Then somedays ag'in there's a whole lot. Well, it's good healthy work, I can say that. I ain't most never sick. Nice fresh air we git here and all that."
[Pg 323] "Sure," Joseph said kindly, waving his hand for the driver to stop. "They're over here in my locker. I know what that is. I've been there. When I came here, they drilled it into me just like they're doing to you. Don't worry. You'll be fine. Are you up here for your health? It’s not always like this. Some days there’s hardly anything to do here. Then other days, there’s a lot. Well, it’s good, healthy work, I can tell you that. I hardly ever get sick. We get nice, fresh air here and all that."
He rambled on, fumbling under his bagging apron for his keys, unlocking his locker and producing a great pair of old yellow lumber gloves. He gave them to Eugene cheerfully and the latter thanked him. He liked Eugene at once and Eugene liked him. "A nice fellow that," he said, as he went back to his car. "Think of how genially he gave me these. Lovely! If only all men were as genial and kindly disposed as this boy, how nice the world would be." He put on the gloves and found his work instantly easier for he could grasp the joists firmly and without pain. He worked on until noon when the whistle blew and he ate a dreary lunch sitting by himself on one side, pondering. After one he was called to carry shavings, one basket after another back through the blacksmith shop to the engine room in the rear where was a big shaving bin. By four o'clock he had seen almost all the characters he was going to associate with for the time that he stayed there. Harry Fornes, the blacksmith or "the village smith," as Eugene came to call him later on, Jimmy Sudds, the blacksmith's helper or "maid-of-all-work" as he promptly named him; John Peters, the engineer, Malachi Dempsey, the driver of the great plane, Joseph Mews and, in addition, carpenters, tin-smiths, plumbers, painters, and those few exceptional cabinet makers who passed through the lower floor now and then, men who were about the place from time to time and away from it at others all of whom took note of Eugene at first as a curiosity.
He chatted away, digging through his baggy apron for his keys, unlocking his locker, and pulling out a worn pair of old yellow work gloves. He handed them to Eugene with a smile, and Eugene thanked him. They instantly liked each other. "What a nice guy," he thought as he headed back to his car. "Look how kindly he gave me these. Wonderful! If only all guys were as friendly and nice as this kid, the world would be so much better." He put on the gloves and instantly found his work easier because he could grip the beams firmly and without pain. He kept working until noon when the whistle blew, and he ate a lonely lunch by himself, lost in thought. After one o'clock, he was called to carry shavings, one basket after another, through the blacksmith shop to the engine room at the back where there was a large shaving bin. By four o'clock, he had met almost everyone he would be working with during his time there: Harry Fornes, the blacksmith or "the village smith," as Eugene would come to call him later; Jimmy Sudds, the blacksmith's helper or "jack-of-all-trades," as Eugene quickly nicknamed him; John Peters, the engineer; Malachi Dempsey, the driver of the big plane; Joseph Mews; and also carpenters, tinsmiths, plumbers, painters, and a few exceptional cabinet makers who occasionally came through the lower floor—men who were around sometimes and away at other times, all of whom initially noticed Eugene as a curiosity.
Eugene was himself intensely interested in the men. Harry Fornes and Jimmy Sudds attracted him especially. The former was an undersized American of distant Irish extraction who was so broad chested, swollen armed, square-jawed and generally self-reliant and forceful as to seem a minor Titan. He was remarkably industrious, turning out a great deal of work and beating a piece of iron with a resounding lick which could be heard all about the hills and hollows outside. Jimmy Sudds, his assistant, was like his master equally undersized, dirty, gnarled, twisted, his teeth showing like a row of yellow snags, his ears [Pg 324] standing out like small fans, his eye askew, but nevertheless with so genial a look in his face as to disarm criticism at once. Every body liked Jimmy Sudds because he was honest, single-minded and free of malicious intent. His coat was three and his trousers two times too large for him, and his shoes were obviously bought at a second-hand store, but he had the vast merit of being a picture. Eugene was fascinated with him. He learned shortly that Jimmy Sudds truly believed that buffaloes were to be shot around Buffalo, New York.
Eugene was really interested in the men. Harry Fornes and Jimmy Sudds caught his attention especially. The former was a short American of distant Irish heritage who was so broad-chested, muscular, square-jawed, and generally self-sufficient and assertive that he seemed like a minor Titan. He was incredibly hardworking, producing a lot of work and hammering a piece of iron with a loud sound that echoed across the hills and valleys outside. Jimmy Sudds, his assistant, was just as undersized, filthy, gnarled, and twisted, with teeth that resembled a row of yellow stumps, ears that stuck out like small fans, and a crooked eye, yet he had such a friendly look on his face that it immediately put people at ease. Everyone liked Jimmy Sudds because he was honest, straightforward, and had no malicious intent. His coat was three sizes too big, his trousers two sizes too big, and his shoes were clearly from a thrift store, but he had the wonderful quality of being quite a character. Eugene found him fascinating. He soon learned that Jimmy Sudds truly believed buffaloes should be shot around Buffalo, New York.
John Peters, the engineer, was another character who fixed his attention. John was almost helplessly fat and was known for this reason as "Big John." He was a veritable whale of a man. Six feet tall, weighing over three hundred pounds and standing these summer days in his hot engine room, his shirt off, his suspenders down, his great welts of fat showing through his thin cotton undershirt, he looked as though he might be suffering, but he was not. John, as Eugene soon found out, did not take life emotionally. He stood mostly in his engine room door when the shade was there staring out on the glistening water of the river, occasionally wishing that he didn't need to work but could lie and sleep indefinitely instead.
John Peters, the engineer, was another person who caught his attention. John was almost helplessly overweight and was known for this reason as "Big John." He was a true giant of a man. Six feet tall, weighing over three hundred pounds, and spending these summer days in his hot engine room with his shirt off and suspenders down, his rolls of fat visible through his thin cotton undershirt, he looked like he might be in discomfort, but he wasn’t. John, as Eugene soon discovered, didn’t approach life emotionally. He mostly stood in the doorway of his engine room when it was shaded, staring out at the glistening water of the river, occasionally wishing he didn’t have to work and could just lie down and sleep forever instead.
"Wouldja think them fellers would feel purty good sittin' out there on the poop deck of them there yachts smokin' their perfectos?" he once asked Eugene, apropos of the magnificent private vessels that passed up and down the river.
"Do you think those guys would feel pretty good sitting out there on the poop deck of those yachts smoking their perfectos?" he once asked Eugene, referring to the magnificent private vessels that passed up and down the river.
"I certainly would," laughed Eugene.
"I definitely would," laughed Eugene.
"Aw! Haw! That's the life fer yer uncle Dudley. I could do that there with any of 'em. Aw! Haw!"
"Aw! Haw! That's the life for your Uncle Dudley. I could do that with any of them. Aw! Haw!"
Eugene laughed joyously.
Eugene laughed with joy.
"Yes, that's the life," he said. "We all could stand our share."
"Yeah, that’s the life," he said. "We could all use our fair share."
Malachi Dempsey, the driver of the great plane, was dull, tight-mouthed, silent, more from lack of ideas than anything else, though oyster-wise he had learned to recede from all manner of harm by closing his shell tightly. He knew no way to avoid earthly harm save by being preternaturally silent, and Eugene saw this quickly. He used to stare at him for long periods at a time, marvelling at the curiosity his attitude presented. Eugene himself, though, was a curiosity to the others, even more so than they to him. He did not look like a workingman and could not be made to do so. His spirit was too high, his eye too flashing and incisive. He smiled at himself carrying basketful after basketful of shavings from the planing room, where it rained shavings and from which, because of the lack of a shaving blower, they had to be removed back to the hot engine room where Big John [Pg 325] presided. The latter took a great fancy to Eugene, but something after the fashion of a dog for a master. He did not have a single idea above his engine, his garden at home, his wife, his children and his pipe. These and sleep—lots of it—were his joys, his recreations, the totality of his world.
Malachi Dempsey, the pilot of the big plane, was dull, tight-lipped, and quiet, not so much from a lack of thoughts but more from a desire to avoid any trouble, like an oyster retreating into its shell to avoid harm. He didn’t know any other way to escape worldly danger except by being unnaturally silent, and Eugene quickly noticed this. He often found himself staring at Malachi for long stretches, fascinated by the oddness of his demeanor. However, Eugene himself was even more of a curiosity to the others than they were to him. He didn’t look like a laborer, and there was no way to make him appear that way. His spirit was too elevated, and his gaze too sharp and insightful. He smiled to himself while carrying basket after basket of shavings from the planing room, where shavings rained down and had to be taken back to the hot engine room, since there was no shaving blower. Big John [Pg 325] oversaw that area and took a strong liking to Eugene, almost like a dog with its master. He didn’t have a single thought beyond his engine, his garden at home, his wife, his kids, and his pipe. These, along with plenty of sleep, were his joys, his pastimes, and the entirety of his world.
CHAPTER XXI
There were many days now, three months all told, in which Eugene obtained insight into the workaday world such as he had not previously had. It is true he had worked before in somewhat this fashion, but his Chicago experience was without the broad philosophic insight which had come to him since. Formerly the hierarchies of power in the universe and on earth were inexplicable to him—all out of order; but here, where he saw by degrees ignorant, almost animal intelligence, being directed by greater, shrewder, and at times it seemed to him possibly malicious intelligences—he was not quite sure about that—who were so strong that the weaker ones must obey them, he began to imagine that in a rough way life might possibly be ordered to the best advantage even under this system. It was true that men quarreled here with each other as to who should be allowed to lead. There was here as elsewhere great seeking for the privileges and honors of direction and leadership in such petty things as the proper piling of lumber, the planing of boards, the making of desks and chairs, and men were grimly jealous of their talents and abilities in these respects, but in the main it was the jealousy that makes for ordered, intelligent control. All were striving to do the work of intelligence, not of unintelligence. Their pride, however ignorant it might be, was in the superior, not the inferior. They might complain of their work, snarl at each other, snarl at their bosses, but after all it was because they were not able or permitted to do the higher work and carry out the orders of the higher mind. All were striving to do something in a better way, a superior way, and to obtain the honors and emoluments that come from doing anything in a superior way. If they were not rewarded according to their estimate of their work there was wrath and opposition and complaint and self-pity, but the work of the superior intelligence was the thing which each in his blind, self-seeking way was apparently trying to do.
There had been many days now, three months in total, where Eugene gained insights into the everyday world that he hadn't had before. While he had worked in a similar way before, his time in Chicago lacked the broader philosophical understanding he had since developed. Previously, the hierarchies of power in the universe and on Earth made no sense to him—they all seemed out of order. However, here, as he gradually observed how uninformed, almost instinctual intelligence was being guided by greater, sharper, and at times, what seemed like possibly malicious, intellects—he wasn’t completely sure about that—who were so powerful that the weaker ones had to follow them, he started to think that life might be roughly organized for the best even within this system. It was true that men argued here over who should be in charge. Just like everywhere else, there was a strong desire for the privileges and honors of leadership, even in mundane tasks like stacking lumber, planing boards, and making desks and chairs. Men were fiercely protective of their skills and abilities in these areas, but mostly, it was jealousy that encouraged organized, intelligent control. Everyone was trying to engage in work that required intelligence, not the opposite. Their pride, no matter how misguided, was in the superior, not the inferior. They might complain about their work, snap at each other, and grouse about their bosses, but ultimately it was because they felt they couldn’t or weren’t allowed to do the higher-level work and implement the instructions from a more advanced mindset. Everyone was striving to do something in a better, more effective way, and to earn the recognition and rewards that come from doing anything exceptionally well. When they didn't receive compensation aligned with their own view of their contributions, there would be anger, resistance, complaints, and self-pity, but the pursuit of superior work was what each of them, in their blind self-serving ways, was seemingly trying to achieve.
Because he was not so far out of his troubles that he could be forgetful of them, and because he was not at all certain that his talent to paint was ever coming back to him, he was not as cheerful at times as he might have been; but he managed to conceal it pretty well. This one thought with its attendant [Pg 327] ills of probable poverty and obscurity were terrible to him. Time was slipping away and youth. But when he was not thinking of this he was cheerful enough. Besides he had the ability to simulate cheerfulness even when he did not feel it. Because he did not permanently belong to this world of day labor and because his position which had been given him as a favor was moderately secure, he felt superior to everything about him. He did not wish to show this feeling in any way—was very anxious as a matter of fact to conceal it, but his sense of superiority and ultimate indifference to all these petty details was an abiding thought with him. He went to and fro carrying a basket of shavings, jesting with "the village smith," making friends with "Big John," the engineer, with Joseph, Malachi Dempsey, little Jimmy Sudds, in fact anyone and everyone who came near him who would be friends. He took a pencil one day at the noon hour and made a sketch of Harry Fornes, the blacksmith, his arm upraised at the anvil, his helper, Jimmy Sudds, standing behind him, the fire glowing in the forge. Fornes, who was standing beside him, looking over his shoulder, could scarcely believe his eyes.
Because he wasn't completely out of his troubles and wasn't sure if his painting talent would come back, he wasn't as cheerful as he could have been at times; but he managed to hide it pretty well. The thought of possible poverty and obscurity was terrifying to him. Time and youth were slipping away. But when he wasn’t dwelling on this, he was cheerful enough. Plus, he had the knack for faking cheerfulness even when he didn’t truly feel it. Since he didn't permanently belong to this world of manual labor and because his position, which was given to him as a favor, was somewhat secure, he felt superior to everything around him. He didn't want to show this feeling at all—in fact, he was quite eager to hide it—but his sense of superiority and indifference to all these trivial details was a constant thought for him. He went back and forth carrying a basket of shavings, joking with "the village smith," making friends with "Big John," the engineer, Joseph, Malachi Dempsey, little Jimmy Sudds, and really anyone who came near him and wanted to be friends. One day during lunch, he took a pencil and sketched Harry Fornes, the blacksmith, with his arm raised at the anvil and his helper, Jimmy Sudds, standing behind him, the fire glowing in the forge. Fornes, who was standing beside him and looking over his shoulder, could hardly believe his eyes.
"Wotcha doin'?" he asked Eugene curiously, looking over his shoulder, for it was at the blacksmith's table, in the sun of his window that he was sitting, looking out at the water. Eugene had bought a lunch box and was carrying with him daily a delectable lunch put up under Mrs. Hibberdell's direction. He had eaten his noonday meal and was idling, thinking over the beauty of the scene, his peculiar position, the curiosities of this shop—anything and everything that came into his head.
“What are you up to?” he asked Eugene, glancing over his shoulder. Eugene was sitting at the blacksmith's table, enjoying the sunlight streaming through the window as he looked out at the water. He had bought a lunch box and was bringing a delicious lunch every day, prepared under Mrs. Hibberdell's guidance. Having finished his lunch, he was now lounging, contemplating the beauty of the scene, his unique situation, the oddities of the shop—anything and everything that popped into his mind.
"Wait a minute," he said genially, for he and the smith were already as thick as thieves.
"Hold on a second," he said kindly, because he and the smith were already good friends.
The latter gazed interestedly and finally exclaimed:
The latter looked on with interest and finally said:
"W'y that's me, ain't it?"
"Why, that's me, isn't it?"
"Yep!" said Eugene.
"Yeah!" said Eugene.
"Wat are you goin' to do with that wen you get through with it?" asked the latter avariciously.
"What are you going to do with that when you're done with it?" asked the latter greedily.
"I'm going to give it to you, of course."
"I'm definitely going to give it to you."
"Say, I'm much obliged fer that," replied the smith delightedly. "Gee, the wife'll be tickled to see that. You're a artist, ain't cher? I hearda them fellers. I never saw one. Gee, that's good, that looks just like me, don't it?"
"Thanks a lot for that," the smith replied, thrilled. "Wow, my wife will be so happy to see this. You’re an artist, right? I’ve heard about those guys. I’ve never seen one. Wow, that’s great, it looks just like me, doesn’t it?"
"Something," said Eugene quietly, still working.
"Something," Eugene said quietly, still working.
The helper came in.
The assistant arrived.
"Watcha' doin'?" he asked.
"What are you up to?" he asked.
"He's drawin' a pitcher, ya rube, watchye suppose he's doin'," [Pg 328] informed the blacksmith authoritatively. "Don't git too close. He's gotta have room."
"He's drawing a picture, you fool, what do you think he's doing?" [Pg 328] the blacksmith stated confidently. "Don't get too close. He needs space."
"Aw, whose crowdin'?" asked the helper irritably. He realized at once that his superior was trying to shove him in the background, this being a momentous occasion. He did not propose that any such thing should happen. The blacksmith glared at him irritably but the progress of the art work was too exciting to permit of any immediate opportunities for hostilities, so Jimmy was allowed to crowd close and see.
"Aw, who's crowding?" the helper asked irritably. He quickly realized that his boss was trying to push him into the background, since this was a big deal. He wasn’t going to let that happen. The blacksmith glared at him with annoyance, but the excitement of the artwork's progress didn’t allow for any immediate chances for conflict, so Jimmy was allowed to get close and watch.
"Ho, ho! that's you, ain't it," he asked the smith curiously, indicating with a grimy thumb the exact position of that dignitary on the drawing.
"Hey, hey! That's you, right?" he asked the blacksmith curiously, pointing with a dirty thumb to the exact spot of that dignitary on the drawing.
"Don't," said the latter, loftily—"sure! He's gotta have room."
"Don't," said the latter, dismissively—"of course! He needs to have space."
"An' there's me. Ho! Ho! Gee, I look swell, don't I? Ho! ho!"
"And there’s me. Ha! Ha! Wow, I look great, don’t I? Ha! Ha!"
The little helper's tushes were showing joyously—a smile that extended far about either side of his face. He was entirely unconscious of the rebuke administered by the smith.
The little helper's cheeks were flushed with joy—a grin that spread widely across his face. He was completely unaware of the scolding given by the blacksmith.
"If you're perfectly good, Jimmy," observed Eugene cheerfully still working, "I may make a sketch of you, sometime!"
"If you're really good, Jimmy," Eugene said cheerfully while still working, "I might sketch you sometime!"
"Na! Will you? Go on! Say, hully chee. Dat'll be fine, won't it? Say, ho! ho! De folks at home won't know me. I'd like to have a ting like dat, say!"
"Come on! Just say it, hully chee. That’ll be great, right? Say, ho! ho! The folks back home won't recognize me. I’d love to have something like that!"
Eugene smiled. The smith was regretful. This dividing of honors was not quite all that it might be. Still his own picture was delightful. It looked exactly like the shop. Eugene worked until the whistle blew and the belts began to slap and the wheels to whirr. Then he got up.
Eugene smiled. The smith felt sorry. This split of honors wasn't as great as it could be. Still, his own picture was wonderful. It looked just like the shop. Eugene worked until the whistle blew and the belts started to slap and the wheels began to whirr. Then he got up.
"There you are, Fornes," he said. "Like it?"
"There you are, Fornes," he said. "Do you like it?"
"Gee, it's swell," said the latter and carried it to the locker. He took it out after a bit though and hung it up over his bench on the wall opposite his forge, for he wanted everyone to see. It was one of the most significant events in his life. This sketch was the subject immediately of a perfect storm of discussion. Eugene was an artist—could draw pictures—that was a revelation in itself. Then this picture was so life-like. It looked like Fornes and Sudds and the shop. Everyone was interested. Everyone jealous. They could not understand how God had favored the smith in this manner. Why hadn't Eugene sketched them before he did him? Why didn't he immediately offer to sketch them now? Big John came first, tipped off and piloted by Jimmy Sudds.
"Wow, that's great," said the latter and took it to the locker. He pulled it out after a while and hung it up over his bench on the wall across from his forge because he wanted everyone to see it. It was one of the most important moments in his life. This sketch instantly sparked a huge amount of discussion. Eugene was an artist—he could draw pictures—that was a revelation in itself. Then this picture was so lifelike. It looked just like Fornes and Sudds and the shop. Everyone was interested. Everyone was jealous. They couldn’t understand why God had favored the smith like this. Why hadn’t Eugene sketched them before he sketched him? Why didn’t he offer to sketch them right away? Big John was first, indicated and guided by Jimmy Sudds.
"Say!" he said his big round eyes popping with surprise. [Pg 329] "There's some class to that, what? That looks like you, Fornes. Jinged if it don't! An' Suddsy! Bless me if there ain't Suddsy. Say, there you are, kid, natural as life, damned if you ain't. That's fine. You oughta keep that, smith."
"Wow!" he said, his big round eyes wide with surprise. [Pg 329] "That’s impressive, isn't it? It really looks like you, Fornes. I swear it does! And Suddsy! I can’t believe it’s Suddsy. Wow, there you are, kid, just like life, no doubt about it. That’s great. You should definitely keep that, smith."
"I intend to," said the latter proudly.
"I plan to," said the latter proudly.
Big John went back to his engine room regretfully. Next came Joseph Mews, his shoulders humped, his head bobbing like a duck, for he had this habit of nodding when he walked.
Big John returned to his engine room with a sense of regret. Next came Joseph Mews, his shoulders slouched, his head bobbing like a duck, as he had this habit of nodding while he walked.
"Say, wot d'ye thinka that?" he asked. "Ain't that fine. He kin drawr jist as good as they do in them there magazines. I see them there things in them, now an' then. Ain't that swell? Lookit Suddsy back in there. Eh, Suddsy, you're in right, all right. I wisht he'd make a picture o' us out there. We're just as good as you people. Wats the matter with us, eh?"
"Hey, what do you think of that?" he asked. "Isn't that great? He can draw just as well as they do in those magazines. I see stuff like that every now and then. Isn't that awesome? Look at Suddsy back there. Hey, Suddsy, you're doing just fine. I wish he'd draw a picture of us out there. We're just as good as you guys. What's wrong with us, huh?"
"Oh, he ain't goin' to be bothered makin' pitchers of you mokes," replied the smith jestingly. "He only draws real ones. You want to remember that, Mews. He's gotta have good people to make sketches of. None o' your half-class plane-drivers and jig-saw operators."
"Oh, he’s not going to waste his time making portraits of you losers," the blacksmith said jokingly. "He only draws real ones. You should keep that in mind, Mews. He needs to have quality people to sketch. None of your average workers and jigsaw operators."
"Is that so? Is that so?" replied Joseph contemptuously, his love of humor spurred by the slight cast upon his ability. "Well if he was lookin' for real ones he made a mistake wen he come here. They're all up front. You don't want to forget that, smith. They don't live in no blacksmith's shop as I ever seen it."
"Is that right? Is that right?" Joseph replied with a sneer, his sense of humor triggered by the jab at his skills. "Well, if he was looking for the real deal, he messed up by coming here. They're all up front. Don't forget that, blacksmith. They don't hang out in any blacksmith's shop I've ever seen."
"Cut it out! Cut it out!" called little Sudds from a position of vantage near the door. "Here comes the boss," and Joseph immediately pretended to be going to the engine room for a drink. The smith blew up his fire as though it were necessary to heat the iron he had laid in the coals. Jack Stix came ambling by.
"Knock it off! Knock it off!" shouted little Sudds from a spot near the door. "Here comes the boss," and Joseph quickly acted like he was heading to the engine room for a drink. The smith stoked his fire as if it was essential to heat the iron he had placed in the coals. Jack Stix strolled by.
"Who did that?" he asked, stopping after a single general, glance and looking at the sketch on the wall.
"Who did that?" he asked, pausing after a quick glance and looking at the sketch on the wall.
"Mr. Witla, the new man," replied the smith, reverently.
"Mr. Witla, the new guy," replied the smith, respectfully.
"Say, that's pretty good, ain't it?" the foreman replied pleasantly. "He did that well. He must be an artist."
"Hey, that's really good, isn't it?" the foreman said with a smile. "He did that really well. He must be an artist."
"I think he is," replied the smith, cautiously. He was always eager to curry favor with the boss. He came near to his side and looked over his arm. "He done it here today at noon in about a half an hour."
"I think he is," replied the blacksmith, cautiously. He was always eager to win the boss's approval. He moved closer and looked over his arm. "He did it here today at noon in about half an hour."
"Say, that's pretty good now," and the foreman went on his way, thinking.
"Hey, that’s pretty good," the foreman said as he continued on his way, deep in thought.
If Eugene could do that, why was he here? It must be his run down condition, sure enough. And he must be the friend of someone high in authority. He had better be civil. Hitherto [Pg 330] he had stood in suspicious awe of Eugene, not knowing what to make of him. He could not figure out just why he was here—a spy possibly. Now he thought that he might be mistaken.
If Eugene could pull that off, why was he here? It had to be his rough state, for sure. And he must be friends with someone important. He should definitely be polite. Until now, [Pg 330] he had looked at Eugene with wary respect, unsure of what to think of him. He couldn't quite understand why he was here—maybe a spy. Now he started to wonder if he might be wrong.
"Don't let him work too hard," he told Bill and John. "He ain't any too strong yet. He came up here for his health."
"Don't let him overdo it," he told Bill and John. "He's not very strong yet. He came up here to get better."
He was obeyed in this respect, for there was no gain-saying the wishes of a foreman, but this open plea for consideration was the one thing if any which could have weakened Eugene's popularity. The men did not like the foreman. He would have been stronger at any time in the affections of the men if the foreman had been less markedly considerate or against him entirely.
He was followed in this regard, as no one could argue against the wishes of a foreman, but this public request for consideration was the one thing that could have hurt Eugene's popularity. The men didn’t like the foreman. He would have gained more of the men’s support if the foreman had been either less obviously considerate or completely opposed to him.
The days which followed were restful enough though hard, for Eugene found that the constant whirl of work which went on here, and of which he had naturally to do his share, was beneficial to him. For the first time in several years he slept soundly. He would don his suit of blue overalls and jumper in the morning a few minutes before the whistle blew at seven and from then on until noon, and from one o'clock until six he would carry shavings, pile lumber for one or several of the men in the yard, load or unload cars, help Big John stoke his boilers, or carry chips and shavings from the second floor. He wore an old hat which he had found in a closet at Mrs. Hibberdell's, a faded, crumpled memory of a soft tan-colored sombrero which he punched jauntily to a peak and wore over one ear. He had big new yellow gloves which he kept on his hands all day, which were creased and frayed, but plenty good enough for this shop and yard. He learned to handle lumber nicely, to pile with skill, to "take" for Malachi Dempsey from the plane, to drive the jig-saw, and other curious bits. He was tireless in his energy because he was weary of thinking and hoped by sheer activity to beat down and overcome his notion of artistic inability—to forget that he believed that he couldn't paint and so be able to paint again. He had surprised himself in these sketches he had made, for his first feeling under the old régime would have been that he could not make them. Here, because the men were so eager and he was so much applauded, he found it rather easy and, strange to say, he thought they were good.
The days that followed were restful enough, though tough, as Eugene discovered that the nonstop hustle of work here, which he naturally had to contribute to, was good for him. For the first time in years, he slept soundly. He would put on his blue overalls and jumper in the morning a few minutes before the whistle blew at seven, and then from that point until noon, and from one o'clock until six, he would carry shavings, stack lumber for one or more of the guys in the yard, load or unload cars, help Big John stoke his boilers, or carry chips and shavings from the second floor. He wore an old hat he found in a closet at Mrs. Hibberdell's, a faded, crumpled memory of a soft tan sombrero that he tilted to a peak and wore over one ear. He had big new yellow gloves that he kept on all day, which were creased and frayed, but perfectly fine for this shop and yard. He learned to handle lumber well, stack it skillfully, "take" from the plane for Malachi Dempsey, drive the jig-saw, and other interesting tasks. He was tireless in his efforts because he was tired of overthinking and hoped that by staying busy, he could push down and overcome his belief in his artistic inability—to forget that he thought he couldn't paint and then be able to paint again. He surprised himself with the sketches he made, as his first feeling under the old regime would have been that he couldn’t create them. Here, because the guys were so enthusiastic and he received so much praise, he found it relatively easy, and oddly enough, he thought they were good.
At the home of Mrs. Hibberdell at night he would lay off all his working clothes before dinner, take a cold bath and don a new brown suit, which because of the assurance of this position he had bought for eighteen dollars, ready made. He found it hard to get off to buy anything, for his pay ceased (fifteen cents an hour) the moment he left the shop. He had put his pictures [Pg 331] in storage in New York and could not get off (or at least did not want to take the time off) to go and sell any. He found that he could leave without question if he wanted no pay, but if he wanted pay and had a good reason he could sometimes be excused. His appearance about the house and yard after six-thirty in the evening and on Sundays was attractive enough. He looked delicate, refined, conservative, and, when not talking to someone, rather wistful. He was lonely and restless, for he felt terribly out of it. This house was lonely. As at Alexandria, before he met Frieda, he was wishing there were some girls about. He wondered where Frieda was, what she was doing, whether she had married. He hoped not. If life had only given him a girl like Frieda—so young, so beautiful! He would sit and gaze at the water after dark in the moonlight, for this was his one consolation—the beauty of nature—thinking. How lovely it all was! How lovely life was,—this village, the summer trees, the shop where he worked, the water, Joseph, little Jimmy, Big John, the stars. If he could paint again, if he could be in love again. In love! In love! Was there any other sensation in the world like that of being in love?
At Mrs. Hibberdell's house at night, he would take off all his work clothes before dinner, take a cold shower, and put on a new brown suit he had bought for eighteen dollars, ready-made, because of the security of his job. It was hard for him to get time off to buy anything, since his pay (fifteen cents an hour) stopped the moment he left the shop. He had stored his pictures in New York and couldn’t get away (or at least didn’t want to take the time off) to sell any of them. He realized he could leave without question if he didn’t want to be paid, but if he wanted to be paid and had a good reason, he could sometimes get an excuse. His appearance around the house and yard after six-thirty in the evening and on Sundays was charming enough. He looked delicate, refined, conservative, and when he wasn’t talking to anyone, rather wistful. He felt lonely and restless, completely out of place. This house felt empty. Just like in Alexandria, before he met Frieda, he wished there were some girls around. He wondered where Frieda was, what she was doing, and if she had married. He hoped not. If only life had given him a girl like Frieda—so young, so beautiful! He would sit and stare at the water after dark in the moonlight, as this was his only comfort—the beauty of nature—thinking about how lovely everything was! How lovely life was—this village, the summer trees, the shop where he worked, the water, Joseph, little Jimmy, Big John, the stars. If he could paint again, if he could be in love again. In love! In love! Was there any other feeling in the world like being in love?
A spring evening, say, some soft sweet odours blowing as they were tonight, the dark trees bending down, or the twilight angelically silver, hyacinth, orange, some soothing murmurs of the wind; some faint chirping of the tree-toads or frogs and then your girl. Dear God! Could anything be finer than that? Was anything else in life worth while? Your girl, her soft young arms about your neck, her lips to yours in pure love, her eyes speaking like twin pools of color here in the night.
A spring evening, with gentle, sweet scents in the air like tonight, the dark trees leaning down, and the twilight glowing softly in silver, hyacinth, and orange, accompanied by the calming whispers of the wind; the faint chirping of tree frogs or toads, and then your girl. Dear God! Could anything be better than that? Is there anything else in life that matters? Your girl, her soft young arms around your neck, her lips on yours in pure love, her eyes shining like twin pools of color in the night.
So had it been only a little while ago with Frieda. So had it been once with Angela. So long ago with Stella! Dear, sweet Stella, how nice she was. And now here he was sick and lonely and married and Angela would be coming back soon—and—He would get up frequently to shut out these thoughts, and either read or walk or go to bed. But he was lonely, almost irritably so. There was only one true place of comfort for Eugene anywhere and that was in the spring time in love.
So it had been just a little while ago with Frieda. So it had been once with Angela. So long ago with Stella! Dear, sweet Stella, she was so nice. And now here he was, sick and lonely and married, and Angela would be coming back soon—and—He would often get up to push these thoughts away and either read or walk or go to bed. But he felt lonely, almost irritably so. There was only one true place of comfort for Eugene anywhere, and that was in the springtime of love.
CHAPTER XXII
It was while he was mooning along in this mood, working, dreaming, wishing, that there came, one day to her mother's house at Riverwood, Carlotta Wilson—Mrs. Norman Wilson, in the world in which she moved—a tall brunette of thirty-two, handsome after the English fashion, shapely, graceful, with a knowledge of the world which was not only compounded of natural intelligence and a sense of humor, but experiences fortunate and unfortunate which had shown her both the showy and the seamy sides of life. To begin with she was the wife of a gambler—a professional gambler—of that peculiar order which essays the rôle of a gentleman, looks the part, and fleeces unmercifully the unwary partakers of their companionship. Carlotta Hibberdell, living with her mother at that time in Springfield, Massachusetts, had met him at a local series of races, which she was attending with her father and mother, where Wilson happened to be accidentally upon another mission. Her father, a real estate dealer, and fairly successful at one time, was very much interested in racing horses, and owned several of worthy records though of no great fame. Norman Wilson had posed as a real estate speculator himself, and had handled several fairly successful deals in land, but his principal skill and reliance was in gambling. He was familiar with all the gambling opportunities of the city, knew a large circle of those who liked to gamble, men and women in New York and elsewhere, and his luck or skill at times was phenomenal. At other times it was very bad. There were periods when he could afford to live in the most expensive apartment houses, dine at the best restaurants, visit the most expensive country pleasure resorts and otherwise disport himself in the companionship of friends. At other times, because of bad luck, he could not afford any of these things and though he held to his estate grimly had to borrow money to do it. He was somewhat of a fatalist in his interpretation of affairs and would hang on with the faith that his luck would turn. It did turn invariably, of course, for when difficulties began to swarm thick and fast he would think vigorously and would usually evolve some idea which served to help him out. His plan was always to spin a web like a spider and await the blundering flight of some unwary fly.
While he was lost in thought, working, dreaming, and wishing, one day Carlotta Wilson—Mrs. Norman Wilson, in her social circle—arrived at her mother's house in Riverwood. She was a tall brunette of thirty-two, attractive in the English style, shapely and graceful, with a worldly wisdom formed from both her intelligence and sense of humor, along with fortunate and unfortunate experiences that revealed both the glamorous and the gritty sides of life. To start, she was the wife of a gambler—a professional gambler—of the type that pretended to be a gentleman, played the part well, and ruthlessly exploited the unsuspecting people they associated with. Carlotta Hibberdell, who was living with her mother at that time in Springfield, Massachusetts, met him at a local horse race she attended with her parents, while Wilson was there on another errand. Her father, a real estate dealer who had been fairly successful, was very interested in racehorses and owned several with decent records, though none were particularly famous. Norman Wilson had also pretended to be a real estate speculator and had completed a few reasonably successful land deals, but his main talent lay in gambling. He was well-versed in all the gambling opportunities in the city and knew a wide circle of people who enjoyed gambling, both men and women from New York and beyond. His luck or skill could be extraordinary at times, but it could also be very poor. There were times he could afford to live in the most luxurious apartment buildings, dine in the best restaurants, visit the most upscale country resorts, and socialize with friends. Other times, due to bad luck, he couldn’t afford any of those luxuries and, although he stubbornly held onto his possessions, he had to borrow money to do so. He had a somewhat fatalistic view of life and clung to the hope that his luck would change. And it often did; whenever problems started piling up, he would think hard and usually come up with a plan to get out of trouble. His strategy was always to spin a web like a spider and wait for an unsuspecting fly to stumble into it.
[Pg 333] At the time she married him Carlotta Hibberdell did not know of the peculiar tendencies and subtle obsession of her ardent lover. Like all men of his type he was suave, persuasive, passionate, eager. There was a certain cat-like magnetism about him also which fascinated her. She could not understand him at that time and she never did afterwards. The license which he subsequently manifested not only with her but with others astonished and disgusted her. She found him selfish, domineering, outside his own particular field shallow, not at all artistic, emotional, or poetic. He was inclined to insist on the last touch of material refinement in surroundings (so far as he understood them) when he had money, but she found to her regret that he did not understand them. In his manner with her and everyone else he was top-lofty, superior, condescending. His stilted language at times enraged and at other times amused her, and when her original passion passed and she began to see through his pretence to his motives and actions she became indifferent and then weary. She was too big a woman mentally to quarrel with him much. She was too indifferent to life in its totality to really care. Her one passion was for an ideal lover of some type, and having been thoroughly mistaken in him she looked abroad wondering whether there were any ideal men.
[Pg 333] When Carlotta Hibberdell married him, she had no idea about the strange tendencies and subtle obsessions of her passionate lover. Like all men of his kind, he was charming, convincing, intense, and eager. There was a certain cat-like allure about him that captivated her. At that time, she couldn't understand him, and she never did. The freedom he later showed, not just with her but with others, shocked and repulsed her. She found him selfish, controlling, and shallow outside of his own narrow interests—not artistic, emotional, or poetic at all. He insisted on the finest material details in his surroundings (as far as he understood them) when he had money, but she sadly discovered that he didn't truly grasp them. In his demeanor with her and everyone else, he was arrogant, superior, and patronizing. His forced language sometimes frustrated and at other times amused her, and when her initial passion faded and she began to see through his pretenses to his real motives and actions, she grew indifferent and then weary. She was too intellectually strong to argue with him much. She was too detached from life as a whole to really care. Her only desire was for an ideal lover of some kind, and having been completely wrong about him, she started to look around, wondering if any ideal men actually existed.
Various individuals came to their apartments. There were gamblers, blasé society men, mining experts, speculators, sometimes with, sometimes without a wife. From these and from her husband and her own observation she learned of all sorts of scoundrels, mes-alliances, [sic] queer manifestations of incompatibility of temper, queer freaks of sex desire. Because she was good looking, graceful, easy in her manners, there were no end of proposals, overtures, hints and luring innuendos cast in her direction. She had long been accustomed to them. Because her husband deserted her openly for other women and confessed it in a blasé way she saw no valid reason for keeping herself from other men. She chose her lovers guardedly and with subtle taste, beginning after mature deliberation with one who pleased her greatly. She was seeking refinement, emotion, understanding coupled with some ability and they were not so easy to find. The long record of her liaisons is not for this story, but their impress on her character was important.
Various people came to their apartments. There were gamblers, indifferent socialites, mining experts, speculators, sometimes with a wife, sometimes without. From these individuals, along with her husband and her own observations, she learned about all sorts of con artists, mismatched couples, peculiar signs of incompatibility, and strange sexual desires. Because she was attractive, graceful, and easygoing, she received countless proposals, hints, and enticing innuendos directed at her. She had grown used to them long ago. Since her husband openly left her for other women and admitted it with a casual attitude, she saw no reason to deny herself other men. She chose her lovers carefully and with a discerning taste, starting after thoughtful consideration with one who greatly appealed to her. She was looking for sophistication, emotion, understanding paired with some level of competence, and those traits were hard to come by. The long list of her affairs isn’t part of this story, but their impact on her character was significant.
She was indifferent in her manner at most times and to most people. A good jest or story drew from her a hearty laugh. She was not interested in books except those of a very exceptional character—the realistic school—and these she thought ought not to be permitted except to private subscribers, nevertheless she [Pg 334] cared for no others. Art was fascinating—really great art. She loved the pictures of Rembrandt, Frans Hals, Correggio, Titian. And with less discrimination, and more from a sensual point of view the nudes of Cabanel, Bouguereau and Gerome. To her there was reality in the works of these men, lightened by great imagination. Mostly people interested her, the vagaries of their minds, the idiosyncrasies of their characters, their lies, their subterfuges, their pretences, their fears. She knew that she was a dangerous woman and went softly, like a cat, wearing a half-smile not unlike that seen on the lips of Monna Lisa, but she did not worry about herself. She had too much courage. At the same time she was tolerant, generous to a fault, charitable. When someone suggested that she overdid the tolerance, she replied, "Why shouldn't I? I live in such a magnificent glass house."
She was usually indifferent in her demeanor towards most people. A good joke or story would make her laugh heartily. She wasn’t interested in books except for a select few—those from the realistic school—and she believed those should only be available to private subscribers; still, she didn’t care for any others. Art fascinated her—truly great art. She adored the works of Rembrandt, Frans Hals, Correggio, and Titian. With less discernment and more of a sensual view, she also appreciated the nudes by Cabanel, Bouguereau, and Gerome. To her, there was authenticity in the works of these artists, enriched by great imagination. Mostly, she found people intriguing: the quirks of their minds, the peculiarities of their personalities, their lies, their deceit, their pretenses, their fears. She knew she was a dangerous woman and moved carefully, like a cat, wearing a half-smile reminiscent of the one on the lips of the Mona Lisa, but she wasn’t concerned for herself. She had too much courage. At the same time, she was tolerant, generous to a fault, and charitable. When someone suggested she took tolerance too far, she responded, "Why shouldn’t I? I live in such a magnificent glass house."
The reason for her visit home on this occasion was that her husband had practically deserted her for the time being. He was in Chicago for some reason principally because the atmosphere in New York was getting too hot for him, as she suspected. Because she hated Chicago and was weary of his company she refused to go with him. He was furious for he suspected her of liaisons, but he could not help himself. She was indifferent. Besides she had other resources than those he represented, or could get them.
The reason she came home this time was that her husband had more or less abandoned her for now. He was in Chicago for some reason, mainly because the vibe in New York was getting too intense for him, or so she thought. Since she hated Chicago and was tired of his company, she refused to go with him. He was furious because he suspected her of having affairs, but there was nothing he could do about it. She didn’t care. Besides, she had other options beyond what he offered, or she could find them.
A certain wealthy Jew had been importuning her for years to get a divorce in order that he might marry her. His car and his resources were at her command but she condescended only the vaguest courtesies. It was within the ordinary possibilities of the day for him to call her up and ask if he could not come with his car. He had three. She waved most of this aside indifferently. "What's the use?" was her pet inquiry. Her husband was not without his car at times. She had means to drive when she pleased, dress as she liked, and was invited to many interesting outings. Her mother knew well of her peculiar attitude, her marital troubles, her quarrels and her tendency to flirt. She did her best to keep her in check, for she wanted to retain for her the privilege of obtaining a divorce and marrying again, the next time successfully. Norman Wilson, however, would not readily give her a legal separation even though the preponderance of evidence was against him and, if she compromised herself, there would be no hope. She half suspected that her daughter might already have compromised herself, but she could not be sure. Carlotta was too subtle. Norman made open charges in their [Pg 335] family quarrels, but they were based largely on jealousy. He did not know for sure.
A wealthy Jewish man had been asking her for years to get a divorce so he could marry her. His car and resources were available to her, but she only gave him the slightest acknowledgment. It was quite normal for him to call and ask if he could take her out in one of his three cars. She mostly brushed these offers off. "What's the point?" was her favorite response. Her husband sometimes had access to a car as well. She had the means to drive whenever she wanted, dress however she liked, and was invited to many interesting events. Her mother was fully aware of her unusual attitude, her marital issues, her arguments, and her tendency to flirt. She tried her best to keep her in line because she wanted her daughter to have the chance to get a divorce and remarry successfully next time. However, Norman Wilson was not easily willing to give her a legal separation, even though the evidence was mostly against him, and if she put herself in a compromising situation, there would be no hope. She half-suspected that her daughter might already be in a compromising situation, but she couldn’t be certain. Carlotta was too clever. Norman made accusations during their family arguments, but they were largely driven by jealousy. He couldn't know for sure.
Carlotta Wilson had heard of Eugene. She did not know of him by reputation, but her mother's guarded remarks in regard to him and his presence, the fact that he was an artist, that he was sick and working as a laborer for his health aroused her interest. She had intended to spend the period of her husband's absence at Narragansett with some friends, but before doing so she decided to come home for a few days just to see for herself. Instinctively her mother suspected curiosity on her part in regard to Eugene. She threw out the remark that he might not stay long, in the hope that her daughter might lose interest. His wife was coming back. Carlotta discerned this opposition—this desire to keep her away. She decided that she would come.
Carlotta Wilson had heard about Eugene. She didn’t know him by reputation, but her mother’s cautious comments about him, his presence, the fact that he was an artist, and that he was sick and working as a laborer to improve his health caught her attention. She had planned to spend her husband’s absence at Narragansett with some friends, but before that, she decided to come home for a few days just to see for herself. Her mother instinctively sensed Carlotta's curiosity about Eugene. She mentioned that he might not stay long, hoping her daughter would lose interest. His wife was coming back. Carlotta picked up on this opposition—this urge to keep her away. She decided that she would go.
"I don't know that I want to go to Narragansett just now," she told her mother. "I'm tired. Norman has just worn my nerves to a frazzle. I think I'll come up home for a week or so."
"I’m not sure I want to go to Narragansett right now," she told her mom. "I’m exhausted. Norman has completely frayed my nerves. I think I’ll head home for a week or so."
"All right," said her mother, "but do be careful how you act now. This Mr. Witla appears to be a very nice man and he's happily married. Don't you go casting any looks in his direction. If you do I won't let him stay here at all."
"Okay," her mother said, "but be careful how you behave now. This Mr. Witla seems like a really nice guy and he’s happily married. Don’t you dare give him any looks. If you do, I won’t let him stay here at all."
"Oh, how you talk," replied Carlotta irritably. "Do give me a little credit for something. I'm not going up there to see him. I'm tired, I tell you. If you don't want me to come I won't."
"Oh, how you talk," Carlotta said irritably. "Give me a little credit. I'm not going up there to see him. I'm tired, I tell you. If you don't want me to come, I won't."
"It isn't that, I do want you. But you know how you are. How do you ever expect to get free if you don't conduct yourself circumspectly? You know that you—"
"It’s not that I don’t want you. But you know how you can be. How do you expect to ever get free if you don’t act wisely? You know that you—"
"Oh, for heaven's sake, I hope you're not going to start that old argument again," exclaimed Carlotta defensively. "What's the use beginning on that? We've been all over it a thousand times. I can't go anywhere or do anything but what you want to fuss. Now I'm not coming up there to do anything but rest. Why will you always start in to spoil everything?"
"Oh, for goodness' sake, I hope you're not going to start that old argument again," Carlotta said defensively. "What's the point of bringing it up? We've gone over it a thousand times. I can't go anywhere or do anything without you wanting to complain. I'm not coming up there for anything other than to relax. Why do you always have to ruin everything?"
"Well now, you know well enough, Carlotta—" reiterated her mother.
"Well now, you know very well, Carlotta—" her mother repeated.
"Oh, chuck it. I'll not come. To hell with the house. I'll go to Narragansett. You make me tired!"
"Oh, forget it. I'm not going. Forget about the house. I'm going to Narragansett. You’re exhausting me!"
Her mother looked at her tall daughter, graceful, handsome, her black hair parted in rich folds, irritated and yet pleased with her force and ability. If she would only be prudent and careful, what a figure she might yet become! Her complexion was like old rose-tinted ivory, her lips the color of dark raspberries, her [Pg 336] eyes bluish grey, wide set, large, sympathetic, kindly. What a pity she had not married some big, worthy man to begin with. To be tied up to this gambler, even though they did live in Central Park West and had a comparatively sumptuous apartment, was a wretched thing. Still it was better than poverty or scandal, though if she did not take care of herself both might ensue. She wanted her to come to Riverwood for she liked her company, but she wanted her to behave herself. Perhaps Eugene would save the day. He was certainly restrained enough in his manner and remarks. She went back to Riverwood, and Carlotta, the quarrel smoothed over, followed her.
Her mother looked at her tall daughter, graceful and attractive, her black hair arranged in beautiful waves, feeling both irritated and pleased with her strength and intelligence. If only she could be more careful and sensible, what a remarkable person she could become! Her skin was like old rose-tinted ivory, her lips the color of dark raspberries, and her eyes bluish-gray, wide-set, large, sympathetic, and kind. What a shame she hadn't married a decent, accomplished man from the start. Being tied to this gambler, even though they lived on Central Park West and had a relatively luxurious apartment, was unfortunate. Still, it was better than poverty or scandal, though if she didn’t take care of herself, both could happen. She wanted her to come to Riverwood because she enjoyed her company, but she wanted her to behave. Maybe Eugene would come to the rescue. He was definitely reserved enough in his demeanor and comments. She returned to Riverwood, and Carlotta, with their argument resolved, followed her.
Eugene did not see her during the day she arrived, for he was at work; and she did not see him as he came in at night. He had on his old peaked hat and carried his handsome leather lunch box jauntily in one hand. He went to his room, bathed, dressed and then out on the porch to await the call of the dinner gong. Mrs. Hibberdell was in her room on the second floor and "Cousin Dave," as Carlotta called Simpson, was in the back yard. It was a lovely twilight. He was in the midst of deep thoughts about the beauty of the scene, his own loneliness, the characters at the shop-work, Angela and what not, when the screen door opened and she stepped out. She had on a short-sleeved house dress of spotted blue silk with yellow lace set about the neck and the ends of the sleeves. Her shapely figure, beautifully proportioned to her height, was set in a smooth, close fitting corset. Her hair, laid in great braids at the back, was caught in a brown spangled net. She carried herself with thoughtfulness and simplicity, seeming naturally indifferent.
Eugene didn't see her on the day she arrived because he was at work, and she didn’t see him when he came home at night. He wore his old peaked hat and carried his nice leather lunch box with a casual flair. He went to his room, took a bath, got dressed, and then went out on the porch to wait for the dinner gong. Mrs. Hibberdell was in her room on the second floor, and “Cousin Dave,” as Carlotta called Simpson, was in the backyard. It was a beautiful twilight. He was lost in deep thoughts about the beauty of the scene, his own loneliness, the people at the shop, Angela, and so on, when the screen door opened and she stepped out. She wore a short-sleeved house dress made of spotted blue silk with yellow lace around the neck and at the ends of the sleeves. Her well-proportioned figure, perfectly complementing her height, was accentuated by a smooth, form-fitting corset. Her hair, styled in large braids at the back, was held up with a brown spangled net. She carried herself with a sense of thoughtfulness and simplicity, appearing naturally indifferent.
Eugene rose. "I'm in your way, I think. Won't you have this chair?"
Eugene got up. "I think I'm in your way. Would you like to take this chair?"
"No, thanks. The one in the corner will do. But I might as well introduce myself, since there isn't anyone here to do it. I'm Mrs. Wilson, Mrs. Hibberdell's daughter. You're Mr. Witla?"
"No, thanks. The one in the corner is fine. But I might as well introduce myself since there's no one else here to do it. I'm Mrs. Wilson, Mrs. Hibberdell's daughter. You're Mr. Witla?"
"Yes, I answer to that," said Eugene, smiling. He was not very much impressed at first. She seemed nice and he fancied intelligent—a little older than he would have preferred any woman to be who was to interest him. She sat down and looked at the water. He took his chair and held his peace. He was not even interested to talk to her. She was nice to look at, however. Her presence lightened the scene for him.
"Yeah, I respond to that," Eugene said with a smile. He wasn't really that impressed at first. She seemed pleasant, and he thought she was smart—a bit older than he would have liked in a woman who was supposed to catch his attention. She sat down and gazed at the water. He took his chair and stayed quiet. He wasn't even interested in talking to her. She was easy on the eyes, though. Her presence brightened the atmosphere for him.
"I always like to come up here," she volunteered finally. "It's so warm in the city these days. I don't think many people know of this place. It's out of the beaten track."
"I really enjoy coming up here," she said at last. "It's so hot in the city these days. I don't think a lot of people know about this spot. It's off the beaten path."
[Pg 337] "I enjoy it," said Eugene. "It's such a rest for me. I don't know what I would have done if your mother hadn't taken me in. It's rather hard to find any place, doing what I am."
[Pg 337] "I really like it," Eugene said. "It's such a break for me. I have no idea what I would have done if your mom hadn't taken me in. It's pretty tough to find a place, doing what I do."
"You've taken a pretty strenuous way to get health, I should say," she observed. "Day labor sounds rough to me. Do you mind it?"
"You've chosen a pretty intense way to stay healthy, I must say," she commented. "Working manual labor seems tough to me. Do you like it?"
"Not at all. I like it. The work is interesting and not so very hard. It's all so new to me, that's what makes it easy. I like the idea of being a day laborer and associating with laborers. It's only because I'm run down in health that I worry. I don't like to be sick."
"Not at all. I like it. The work is interesting and not too hard. It's all so new to me, which makes it easier. I like the idea of being a day laborer and hanging out with other workers. It's only because I'm not feeling well that I'm worried. I don't like being sick."
"It is bad," she replied, "but this will probably put you on your feet. I think we're always inclined to look on our present troubles as the worst. I know I am."
"It’s not great," she said, "but this will likely help you get back on track. I think we often tend to view our current problems as the worst. I know I do."
"Thanks for the consolation," he said.
"Thanks for the support," he said.
She did not look at him and he rocked to and fro silently. Finally the dinner gong struck. Mrs. Hibberdell came down stairs and they went in.
She didn’t look at him, and he rocked back and forth silently. Finally, the dinner bell rang. Mrs. Hibberdell came downstairs, and they went in.
The conversation at dinner turned on his work for a few moments and he described accurately the personalities of John and Bill and Big John the engineer, and little Suddsy and Harry Fornes, the blacksmith. Carlotta listened attentively without appearing to, for everything about Eugene seemed singular and exceptional to her. She liked his tall, spare body, his lean hands, his dark hair and eyes. She liked the idea of his dressing as a laboring man in the morning, working all day in the shop, and yet appearing so neat and trim at dinner. He was easy in his manner, apparently lethargic in his movements and yet she could feel a certain swift force that filled the room. It was richer for his presence. She understood at a glance that he was an artist, in all probability a good one. He said nothing of that, avoided carefully all reference to his art, and listened attentively. She felt though as if he were studying her and everyone else, and it made her gayer. At the same time she had a strong leaning toward him. "What an ideal man to be associated with," was one of her repeated thoughts.
The conversation at dinner focused on his work for a few moments, and he described the personalities of John, Bill, Big John the engineer, little Suddsy, and Harry Fornes, the blacksmith, with precision. Carlotta listened closely without showing it, as everything about Eugene seemed unique and extraordinary to her. She admired his tall, lean figure, his slender hands, and his dark hair and eyes. She appreciated how he dressed like a working man in the morning, spent all day in the shop, yet looked so neat and put together at dinner. He was relaxed in his demeanor, seemingly sluggish in his movements, but she could sense a certain dynamic energy that filled the room. It felt richer with him around. She realized instantly that he was an artist—most likely a talented one. He said nothing about that, carefully avoiding any mention of his art, and listened intently. Still, she felt like he was observing her and everyone else, which made her feel more cheerful. At the same time, she felt a strong attraction to him. "What an ideal man to be associated with," was one of her recurring thoughts.
Although she was about the house for ten days and he met her after the third morning not only at dinner, which was natural enough, but at breakfast (which surprised him a little), he paid not so very much attention to her. She was nice, very, but Eugene was thinking of another type. He thought she was uncommonly pleasant and considerate and he admired her style of dressing and her beauty, studying her with interest, wondering what sort of a life she led, for from various bits of conversation [Pg 338] he overheard not only at table but at other times he judged she was fairly well to do. There was an apartment in Central Park West, card parties, automobile parties, theatre parties and a general sense of people—acquaintances anyhow, who were making money. He heard her tell of a mining engineer, Dr. Rowland; of a successful coal-mining speculator, Gerald Woods; of a Mrs. Hale who was heavily interested in copper mines and apparently very wealthy. "It's a pity Norman couldn't connect with something like that and make some real money," he heard her say to her mother one evening. He understood that Norman was her husband and that he probably would be back soon. So he kept his distance—interested and curious but hardly more.
Although she was around the house for ten days and he saw her after the third morning not just at dinner, which was natural enough, but at breakfast (which surprised him a bit), he didn't pay her much attention. She was very nice, but Eugene was thinking of someone else. He found her unusually pleasant and thoughtful, admired her sense of style and beauty, studied her with interest, and wondered about the life she led. From various snippets of conversation he overheard, not only at the table but at other times, he figured she was fairly well-off. There was an apartment on Central Park West, card games, car parties, theatre outings, and a general sense of acquaintances who were making money. He heard her mention a mining engineer, Dr. Rowland; a successful coal-mining speculator, Gerald Woods; and a Mrs. Hale who was heavily invested in copper mines and seemed very wealthy. "It's a pity Norman couldn't connect with something like that and make some real money," he heard her say to her mother one evening. He realized that Norman was her husband and that he would probably be back soon. So, he kept his distance—interested and curious but not much more.
Mrs. Wilson was not so easily baffled, however. A car appeared one evening at the door immediately after dinner, a great red touring car, and Mrs. Wilson announced easily, "We're going for a little spin after dinner, Mr. Witla. Don't you want to come along?"
Mrs. Wilson wasn't so easily thrown off, though. One evening, right after dinner, a big red touring car showed up at the door, and Mrs. Wilson casually said, "We're going for a little drive after dinner, Mr. Witla. Don't you want to join us?"
Eugene had never ridden in an automobile at that time. "I'd be very pleased," he said, for the thought of a lonely evening in an empty house had sprung up when he saw it appear.
Eugene had never been in a car at that time. "I'd be very happy," he said, because the idea of spending a lonely evening in an empty house had come to him when he saw it appear.
There was a chauffeur in charge—a gallant figure in a brown straw cap and tan duster, but Mrs. Wilson manœuvred for place.
There was a chauffeur in charge—a stylish figure in a brown straw cap and tan coat, but Mrs. Wilson maneuvered for position.
"You sit with the driver, coz," she said to Simpson, and when her mother stepped in she followed after, leaving Eugene the place to the right of her.
"You sit with the driver, cousin," she said to Simpson, and when her mother got in, she followed after, leaving Eugene the seat to her right.
"There must be a coat and cap in the locker," she said to the chauffeur; "let Mr. Witla have it."
"There should be a coat and cap in the locker," she told the chauffeur; "give it to Mr. Witla."
The latter extracted a spare linen coat and straw cap which Eugene put on.
The latter took out an extra linen coat and a straw hat, which Eugene then put on.
"I like automobiling, don't you?" she said to Eugene good-naturedly. "It's so refreshing. If there is any rest from care on this earth it's in traveling fast."
"I really enjoy driving, don’t you?" she said to Eugene cheerfully. "It's so refreshing. If there's any break from worries on this earth, it's in going fast."
"I've never ridden before," replied Eugene simply. Something about the way he said it touched her. She felt sorry for him because he appeared lonely and gloomy. His indifference to her piqued her curiosity and irritated her pride. Why shouldn't he take an interest in her? As they sped under leafy lanes, up hill and down dale, she made out his face in the starlight. It was pale, reflective, indifferent. "These deep thinkers!" she chided him. "It's terrible to be a philosopher." Eugene smiled.
"I've never ridden before," Eugene replied simply. There was something about the way he said it that hit her. She felt sorry for him because he seemed lonely and downcast. His lack of interest in her sparked her curiosity and pricked her pride. Why shouldn't he want to know her? As they sped through leafy paths, up hills and down valleys, she could see his face in the starlight. It was pale, thoughtful, indifferent. "These deep thinkers!" she teased him. "It's awful to be a philosopher." Eugene smiled.
When they reached home he went to his room as did all the others to theirs. He stepped out into the hall a few minutes later to go to the library for a book, and found that her door which [Pg 339] he had to pass was wide open. She was sitting back in a Morris chair, her feet upon another chair, her skirts slightly drawn up revealing a trim foot and ankle. She did not stir but looked up and smiled winningly.
When they got home, he went to his room, just like everyone else. A few minutes later, he stepped into the hallway to go to the library for a book and noticed that her door, which he had to pass, was wide open. She was lounging in a Morris chair, her feet on another chair, her skirt slightly hiked up, showing off her nice foot and ankle. She didn’t move but looked up and smiled charmingly.
"Aren't you tired enough to sleep?" he asked.
"Aren't you tired enough to go to sleep?" he asked.
"Not quite yet," she smiled.
"Not quite yet," she smiled.
He went down stairs and turning on a light in the library stood looking at a row of books reading the titles. He heard a step and there she was looking at the books also.
He went downstairs and turned on a light in the library, standing there and looking at a row of books, reading the titles. He heard a step and there she was, also looking at the books.
"Don't you want a bottle of beer?" she asked. "I think there is some in the ice box. I forgot that you might be thirsty."
"Don't you want a bottle of beer?" she asked. "I think there's some in the fridge. I forgot you might be thirsty."
"I really don't care," he said. "I'm not much for drinks of any kind."
"I really don't care," he said. "I'm not really into drinks of any kind."
"That's not very sociable," she laughed.
"That's not very friendly," she laughed.
"Let's have the beer then," he said.
"Let's go have the beer then," he said.
She threw herself back languidly in one of the big dining room chairs when she had brought the drinks and some Swiss cheese and crackers, and said: "I think you'll find some cigarettes on the table in the corner if you like."
She reclined casually in one of the large dining room chairs after bringing the drinks and some Swiss cheese and crackers, and said, "I think you'll find some cigarettes on the table in the corner if you want."
He struck her a match and she puffed her cigarette comfortably. "I suppose you find it lonely up here away from all your friends and companions," she volunteered.
He lit a match for her, and she took a relaxed puff from her cigarette. "I guess you feel lonely up here, away from all your friends and buddies," she offered.
"Oh, I've been sick so long I scarcely know whether I have any."
"Oh, I've been sick for so long that I barely remember if I have any."
He described some of his imaginary ailments and experiences and she listened to him attentively. When the beer was gone she asked him if he would have more but he said no. After a time because he stirred wearily, she got up.
He talked about some of his made-up illnesses and experiences, and she listened to him carefully. When the beer was finished, she asked if he wanted more, but he said no. After a while, since he moved tiredly, she got up.
"Your mother will think we're running some sort of a midnight game down here," he volunteered.
"Your mom will think we’re playing some kind of midnight game down here,” he said.
"Mother can't hear," she said. "Her room is on the third floor and besides she doesn't hear very well. Dave don't mind. He knows me well enough by now to know that I do as I please."
"Mom can't hear," she said. "Her room is on the third floor, and besides, she doesn't hear very well. Dave doesn't mind. He knows me well enough by now to know that I do what I want."
She stood closer to Eugene but still he did not see. When he moved away she put out the lights and followed him to the stairs.
She moved closer to Eugene, but he still didn't notice her. When he walked away, she turned off the lights and followed him to the stairs.
"He's either the most bashful or the most indifferent of men," she thought, but she said softly, "Good-night. Pleasant dreams to you," and went her way.
"He's either the shyest or the most uninterested guy," she thought, but she said softly, "Goodnight. Hope you have nice dreams," and went on her way.
Eugene thought of her now as a good fellow, a little gay for a married woman, but probably circumspect withal. She was simply being nice to him. All this was simply because, as yet, he was not very much interested.
Eugene saw her now as a decent person, a bit flirty for a married woman, but likely careful about it. She was just being friendly towards him. This was all happening mainly because he wasn’t that interested yet.
[Pg 340] There were other incidents. One morning he passed her door. Her mother had already gone down to breakfast and there was the spectacle of a smooth, shapely arm and shoulder quite bare to his gaze as she lay on her pillow apparently unconscious that her door was open. It thrilled him as something sensuously beautiful for it was a perfect arm. Another time he saw her of an evening just before dinner buttoning her shoes. Her dress was pulled three-quarters of the way to her knees and her shoulders and arms were bare, for she was still in her corset and short skirts. She seemed not to know that he was near. One night after dinner he started to whistle something and she went to the piano to keep him company. Another time he hummed on the porch and she started the same song, singing with him. He drew his chair near the window where there was a couch after her mother had retired for the night, and she came and threw herself on it. "You don't mind if I lie here?" she said, "I'm tired tonight."
[Pg 340] There were other incidents. One morning, he walked past her door. Her mom had already gone down for breakfast, and there was the sight of a smooth, shapely arm and shoulder completely exposed to his gaze as she lay on her pillow, seemingly unaware that her door was open. It excited him because it was something beautifully sensual—a perfect arm. Another time, he saw her in the evening right before dinner, buttoning her shoes. Her dress was lifted almost to her knees, and her shoulders and arms were bare since she was still in her corset and short skirt. She appeared not to realize he was nearby. One night after dinner, he started whistling a tune, and she went to the piano to join him. Another time, he hummed on the porch, and she began singing the same song along with him. He moved his chair closer to the window where there was a couch after her mom had gone to bed for the night, and she came over and flopped onto it. "Do you mind if I lie here?" she asked, "I'm tired tonight."
"Not at all. I'm glad of your company. I'm lonely."
"Not at all. I'm happy to have you here. I'm feeling lonely."
She lay and stared at him, smiling. He hummed and she sang. "Let me see your palm," she said, "I want to learn something." He held it out. She fingered it temptingly. Even this did not wake him.
She lay there looking at him, smiling. He hummed while she sang. "Show me your palm," she said, "I want to learn something." He held it out. She played with it teasingly. Even this didn’t wake him.
She left for five days because of some necessity in connection with her engagements and when she returned he was glad to see her. He had been lonesome, and he knew now that she made the house gayer. He greeted her genially.
She left for five days due to some commitments, and when she came back, he was happy to see her. He had felt lonely, and he realized that she brightened up the house. He welcomed her warmly.
"I'm glad to see you back," he said.
"I'm glad you're back," he said.
"Are you really?" she replied. "I don't believe it."
"Are you serious?" she said. "I don't buy it."
"Why not?" he asked.
"Why not?" he asked.
"Oh, signs, omens and portents. You don't like women very well I fancy."
"Oh, signs, omens, and warnings. I don’t think you’re very fond of women, are you?"
"Don't I!"
"Of course I do!"
"No, I think not," she replied.
"No, I don’t think so," she replied.
She was charming in a soft grayish green satin. He noticed that her neck was beautiful and that her hair looped itself gracefully upon the back of it. Her nose was straight and fine, sensitive because of its thin partitioning walls. He followed her into the library and they went out on the porch. Presently he returned—it was ten o'clock—and she came also. Davis had gone to his room, Mrs. Hibberdell to hers.
She looked lovely in a soft grayish-green satin dress. He noticed her beautiful neck and how her hair elegantly flowed at the back. Her nose was straight and delicate, with sensitive contours. He followed her into the library, and they stepped out onto the porch. Soon, he returned—it was ten o'clock—and she followed him. Davis had gone to his room, and Mrs. Hibberdell had gone to hers.
"I think I'll read," he said, aimlessly.
"I think I'll read," he said, casually.
"Why anything like that?" she jested. "Never read when you can do anything else."
"Why would you do something like that?" she joked. "Never read when you can be doing anything else."
"What else can I do?"
"What else can I try?"
[Pg 341] "Oh, lots of things. Play cards, tell fortunes, read palms, drink beer—" She looked at him wilfully.
[Pg 341] "Oh, lots of things. Play cards, tell fortunes, read palms, drink beer—" She looked at him playfully.
He went to his favorite chair near the window, side by side with the window-seat couch. She came and threw herself on it.
He went to his favorite chair by the window, next to the couch. She came and flopped down on it.
"Be gallant and fix my pillows for me, will you?" she asked.
"Could you be a dear and fluff my pillows for me?" she asked.
"Of course I will," he said.
"Of course I will," he replied.
He took a pillow and raised her head, for she did not deign to move.
He took a pillow and lifted her head because she didn’t bother to move.
"Is that enough?" he inquired.
"Is that enough?" he asked.
"One more."
"One more."
He put his hand under the first pillow and lifted it up. She took hold of his free hand to raise herself. When she had it she held it and laughed a curious excited laugh. It came over him all at once, the full meaning of all the things she had been doing. He dropped the pillow he was holding and looked at her steadfastly. She relaxed her hold and leaned back, languorous, smiling. He took her left hand, then her right and sat down beside her. In a moment he slipped one arm under her waist and bending over put his lips to hers. She twined her arms about his neck tightly and hugged him close; then looking in his eyes she heaved a great sigh.
He slid his hand under the first pillow and lifted it up. She grabbed his free hand to pull herself up. Once she had it, she held on and let out a curious, excited laugh. Suddenly, it all hit him—the full meaning of everything she had been doing. He dropped the pillow and stared at her intently. She relaxed her grip and leaned back, languid and smiling. He took her left hand and then her right before sitting down beside her. In a moment, he slipped one arm under her waist and leaned in to kiss her. She wrapped her arms tightly around his neck and pulled him close; then, looking into his eyes, she let out a big sigh.
"You love me, don't you?" he asked.
"You love me, right?" he asked.
"I thought you never would," she sighed, and clasped him to her again.
"I thought you never would," she sighed, wrapping her arms around him once more.
CHAPTER XXIII
The form of Carlotta Wilson was perfect, her passion eager, her subtlety a match for almost any situation. She had deliberately set out to win Eugene because he was attractive to her and because, by his early indifference, he had piqued her vanity and self-love. She liked him though, liked every one of his characteristics, and was as proud of her triumph as a child with a new toy. When he had finally slipped his arm under her waist she had thrilled with a burning, vibrating thrill throughout her frame and when she came to him it was with the eagerness of one wild for his caresses. She threw herself on him, kissed him sensuously scores of times, whispered her desire and her affection. Eugene thought, now that he saw her through the medium of an awakened passion, that he had never seen anything more lovely. For the time being he forgot Frieda, Angela, his loneliness, the fact that he was working in supposed prudent self-restraint to effect his recovery, and gave himself up to the full enjoyment of this situation.
The shape of Carlotta Wilson was flawless, her passion intense, and her subtlety suited for almost any situation. She had intentionally set out to win Eugene because she found him attractive and his initial indifference had boosted her vanity and self-esteem. She genuinely liked him and admired all of his traits, feeling as proud of her success as a kid with a new toy. When he finally wrapped his arm around her waist, she felt an electrifying thrill surge through her entire body, and when she approached him, it was with the eagerness of someone desperate for his affection. She threw herself at him, kissed him passionately countless times, and whispered her longing and affection. Eugene thought, now that he saw her through the lens of awakened passion, that he had never seen anything more beautiful. For the moment, he forgot about Frieda, Angela, his loneliness, and the fact that he was supposedly practicing self-restraint to aid his recovery, immersing himself fully in the enjoyment of this moment.
Carlotta was tireless in her attentions. Once she saw that he really cared, or imagined he did, she dwelt in the atmosphere of her passion and affection. There was not a moment that she was not with or thinking of Eugene when either was possible. She lay in wait for him at every turn, gave him every opportunity which her skill could command. She knew the movements of her mother and cousin to the least fraction—could tell exactly where they were, how long they were likely to remain, how long it would take them to reach a certain door or spot from where they were standing. Her step was noiseless, her motions and glances significant and interpretative. For a month or thereabouts she guided Eugene through the most perilous situations, keeping her arms about him to the last possible moment, kissing him silently and swiftly at the most unexpected times and in the most unexpected surroundings. Her weary languor, her seeming indifference, disappeared, and she was very much alive—except in the presence of others. There her old manner remained, intensified even, for she was determined to throw a veil of darkness over her mother and her cousin's eyes. She succeeded admirably for the time being, for she lied to her mother out of the whole cloth, pretending that Eugene was nice but a little [Pg 343] slow so far as the ways of the world were concerned. "He may be a good artist," she volunteered, "but he isn't very much of a ladies' man. He hasn't the first trace of gallantry."
Carlotta was relentless in her attentions. Once she realized that he truly cared, or thought he did, she immersed herself in her feelings and affection. There wasn’t a moment when she wasn’t with or thinking about Eugene whenever it was possible. She waited for him at every turn, giving him every chance her skills could offer. She knew the movements of her mother and cousin down to the smallest detail—could pinpoint exactly where they were, how long they would stay, and how long it would take them to reach a certain door or spot from where they stood. Her footsteps were silent, her movements and glances meaningful and telling. For about a month, she guided Eugene through the most dangerous situations, keeping her arms around him until the last possible second, kissing him quietly and quickly at the most unexpected times and places. Her tiredness, her apparent indifference, vanished, and she was very much alive—except when others were around. There, her old demeanor persisted, even intensified, as she was determined to keep her mother and cousin in the dark. For the time being, she succeeded spectacularly, lying to her mother outright, pretending that Eugene was nice but a bit slow when it came to the ways of the world. "He might be a good artist," she added, "but he’s not much of a ladies’ man. He doesn’t have a hint of gallantry."
Mrs. Hibberdell was glad. At least there would be no disturbance here. She feared Carlotta, feared Eugene, but she saw no reason for complaint. In her presence all was seemingly formal and at times almost distant. She did not like to say to her daughter that she should not come to her own home now that Eugene was here, and she did not like to tell him to leave. Carlotta said she liked him fairly well, but that was nothing. Any married woman might do that. Yet under her very eyes was going forward the most disconcerting license. She would have been astounded if she had known the manner in which the bath, Carlotta's chamber and Eugene's room were being used. The hour never struck when they were beyond surveillance but what they were together.
Mrs. Hibberdell was relieved. At least there wouldn’t be any disturbances here. She was worried about Carlotta, worried about Eugene, but she didn't think there was any reason to complain. In her presence, everything seemed formal and at times almost distant. She didn't want to tell her daughter that she shouldn't come home now that Eugene was here, nor did she want to ask him to leave. Carlotta said she liked him pretty well, but that didn't mean much. Any married woman might say that. Yet right in front of her was the most unsettling behavior happening. She would have been shocked if she had known how the bath, Carlotta's room, and Eugene's room were being used. There was never a moment when they were out of sight that they weren’t together.
Eugene grew very indifferent in the matter of his work. From getting to the point where he was enjoying it because he looked upon it as a form of exercise which was benefiting him, and feeling that he might not have to work indefinitely if he kept up physical rehabilitation at this pace, he grew languid about it and moody over the time he had to give to it. Carlotta had the privilege of a certain automobile and besides she could afford to hire one of her own. She began by suggesting that he meet her at certain places and times for a little spin and this took him away from his work a good portion of the time.
Eugene became very indifferent about his job. At first, he enjoyed it because he saw it as a way to stay fit, and he thought he might not have to work forever if he kept up his physical rehab at this rate. However, he eventually became lethargic and moody about the time he had to spend on it. Carlotta had the use of a certain car, and she could also afford to get one for herself. She started suggesting that he meet her at different places and times for a drive, which took him away from his work a lot of the time.
"You don't have to work every day, do you?" she asked him one Sunday afternoon when they were alone. Simpson and Mrs. Hibberdell had gone out for a walk and they were in her room on the second floor. Her mother's was on the third.
"You don't have to work every day, right?" she asked him one Sunday afternoon when they were alone. Simpson and Mrs. Hibberdell had gone out for a walk, and they were in her room on the second floor. Her mother's was on the third.
"I don't have to," he said, "if I don't mind losing the money they pay. It's fifteen cents an hour and I need that. I'm not working at my regular profession, you must remember."
"I don't have to," he said, "if I don't care about losing the money they pay. It's fifteen cents an hour and I need that. I'm not working in my regular job, you have to keep that in mind."
"Oh, chuck that," she said. "What's fifteen cents an hour? I'll give you ten times that to come and be with me."
"Oh, forget that," she said. "What's fifteen cents an hour? I’ll give you ten times that to come and hang out with me."
"No, you won't," he said. "You won't give me anything. We won't go anywhere on that basis."
"No, you won't," he said. "You won't give me anything. We can't go anywhere with that."
"Oh, Eugene, how you talk. Why won't you?" she asked. "I have lots of it—at least lots more than you have just now. And it might as well be spent this way as some other. It won't be spent right anyhow—that is not for any exceptional purpose. Why shouldn't you have some of it? You can pay it back to me."
"Oh, Eugene, the way you talk. Why won't you?" she asked. "I have plenty of it—definitely more than you do right now. And it might as well be used this way as any other. It won't be spent wisely anyway—that's not for any special reason. Why shouldn't you take some of it? You can pay me back later."
"I won't do it," said Eugene. "We won't go anywhere on that basis. I'd rather go and work. It's all right, though. I [Pg 344] can sell a picture maybe. I expect to hear any day of something being sold. What is it you want to do?"
"I won't do it," said Eugene. "We won't go anywhere like that. I'd rather just go to work. It's fine, though. I [Pg 344] might be able to sell a painting. I expect to hear any day now about something getting sold. What do you want to do?"
"I want you to come automobiling with me tomorrow. Ma is going over to her sister Ella's in Brooklyn. Has that shop of yours a phone?"
"I want you to go for a drive with me tomorrow. Mom is heading over to her sister Ella's in Brooklyn. Does your shop have a phone?"
"Sure it has. I don't think you'd better call me up there though."
"Yeah, it has. I don't think you should call me up there, though."
"Once wouldn't hurt."
"One time won't hurt."
"Well, perhaps not. But we'd better not begin that, or at least not make a practice of it. These people are very strict. They have to be."
"Well, maybe not. But we should probably avoid that, or at least not turn it into a habit. These people are really strict. They have to be."
"I know," said Carlotta. "I won't. I was just thinking. I'll let you know. You know that river road that runs on the top of the hill over there?"
"I know," said Carlotta. "I won't. I was just thinking. I'll let you know. You know that road by the river that runs along the top of the hill over there?"
"Yes."
Yes.
"You be walking along there tomorrow at one o'clock and I'll pick you up. You can come this once, can't you?"
"You'll be walking along there tomorrow at one o'clock, and I'll pick you up. You can come this once, right?"
"Sure," said Eugene. "I can come. I was just joking. I can get some money." He had still his hundred dollars which he had not used when he first started looking for work. He had been clinging to it grimly, but now in this lightened atmosphere he thought he might spend some of it. He was going to get well. Everything was pointing that way. His luck was with him.
"Sure," Eugene said. "I can come. I was just kidding. I can get some money." He still had the hundred dollars he hadn't touched since he first started looking for work. He had been holding onto it tightly, but now in this lighter mood, he thought he might spend some of it. He was going to get better. Everything was looking up. His luck was turning around.
"Well, I'll get the car. You don't mind riding in that, do you?"
"Okay, I'll grab the car. You don’t mind riding in it, do you?"
"No," he said. "I'll wear a good suit to the shop and change over there."
"No," he said. "I'll put on a nice suit for the shop and change over there."
She laughed gaily, for his scruples and simplicity amused her.
She laughed happily, because his principles and innocence entertained her.
"You're a prince—my Prince Charming," she said and she flung herself in his lap. "Oh, you angel man, heaven-born! I've been waiting for you I don't know how long. Wise man! Prince Charming! I love you! I love you! I think you're the nicest thing that ever was."
"You're a prince—my Prince Charming," she said as she jumped into his lap. "Oh, you angelic man, born from heaven! I've been waiting for you for what feels like forever. Wise man! Prince Charming! I love you! I love you! I think you're the sweetest thing that ever existed."
Eugene caressed her gently.
Eugene gently stroked her.
"And you're my wise girl. But we are no good, neither you nor I. You're a wastrel and a stray. And I—I hesitate to think what I am."
"And you're my smart girl. But we’re not good for each other, neither you nor I. You're a reckless wanderer. And I—I’m not sure what to call myself."
"What is a wastrel?" she asked. "That's a new one on me. I don't remember."
"What’s a wastrel?" she asked. "That’s a new one for me. I don’t remember."
"Something or someone that can be thrown away as useless. A stray is a pigeon that won't stay with the flock."
"Something or someone that can be discarded as worthless. A stray is a pigeon that won't stick with the group."
"That's me," said Carlotta, holding out her firm, smooth arms before her and grinning mischievously. "I won't stay with any flock. Nix for the flocks. I'd rather be off with my wise man. [Pg 345] He is nice enough for me. He's better nor nine or ten flocks." She was using corrupt English for the joy of it. "Just me and you, Prince Charming. Am I your lovely wastrel? Do you like strays? Say you do. Listen! Do you like strays?"
"That's me," said Carlotta, holding out her strong, smooth arms in front of her and grinning playfully. "I won't stick with any group. No way for the groups. I'd rather be with my wise man. [Pg 345] He's good enough for me. He's better than nine or ten groups." She was using broken English just for fun. "Just me and you, Prince Charming. Am I your lovely loser? Do you like strays? Say you do. Listen! Do you like strays?"
Eugene had been turning his head away, saying "scandalous! terrible, you're the worst ever," but she stopped his mouth with her lips.
Eugene kept turning his head away, saying, "That's outrageous! You're the worst!" but she silenced him with her lips.
"Do you?"
"Do you?"
"This wastrel, yes. This stray," he replied, smoothing her cheek. "Ah, you're lovely, Carlotta, you're beautiful. What a wonderful woman you are."
"This loser, yeah. This lost soul," he said, gently brushing her cheek. "Ah, you're gorgeous, Carlotta, you're stunning. What an amazing woman you are."
She gave herself to him completely.
She devoted herself to him entirely.
"Whatever I am, I'm yours, wise man," she went on. "You can have anything you want of me, do anything you please with me. You're like an opiate to me, Eugene, sweet! You stop my mouth and close my eyes and seal my ears. You make me forget everything I suppose I might think now and then but I don't want to. I don't want to! And I don't care. I wish you were single. I wish I were free. I wish we had an island somewhere together. Oh, hell! Life is a wearisome tangle, isn't it? 'Take the cash and let the credit go.'"
"Whatever I am, I'm yours, wise man," she continued. "You can have anything you want from me, do whatever you want with me. You're like a drug to me, Eugene, sweet! You shut me up, close my eyes, and block out my ears. You make me forget everything I might think about sometimes, but I don't want to. I really don't want to! And I don't care. I wish you were single. I wish I were free. I wish we had a private island together. Oh, damn! Life is such a tiring mess, isn't it? 'Take the cash and let the credit go.'"
By this time Carlotta had heard enough of Eugene's life to understand what his present condition was. She knew he was sick though not exactly why. She thought it was due to overwork. She knew he was out of funds except for certain pictures he had on sale, but that he would regain his art ability and re-establish himself she did not doubt. She knew something of Angela and thought it was all right that she should be away from him, but now she wished the separation might be permanent. She went into the city and asking about at various art stores learned something of Eugene's art history and his great promise. It made him all the more fascinating in her eyes. One of his pictures on exhibition at Pottle Frères was bought by her after a little while and the money sent to Eugene, for she had learned from him how these pictures, any pictures, were exhibited on sale and the painter paid, minus the commission, when the sale was made. She took good care to make it clear to the manager at Pottle Frères that she was doing this so that Eugene could have the money and saw to it that the check reached him promptly. If Eugene had been alone this check of three hundred dollars would have served to bring Angela to him. As it was it gave him funds to disport himself with in her company. He did not know that she had been the means of his getting it, or to whom the picture had been sold. A fictitious name was given. This [Pg 346] sale somewhat restored Eugene's faith in his future, for if one of his pictures would sell so late in the day for this price, others would.
By this time, Carlotta had heard enough about Eugene's life to understand his current situation. She knew he was sick, though she wasn't entirely sure why. She thought it was due to overworking himself. She was aware that he was out of money, except for a few paintings he had for sale, but she had no doubt that he would regain his artistic skill and make a comeback. She knew a bit about Angela and thought it was fine for her to be away from him, but now she hoped the separation would last. She went into the city and, after asking around at various art stores, learned more about Eugene's artistic background and his great potential. It made him even more intriguing to her. After a little while, she bought one of his paintings on display at Pottle Frères and sent the money to Eugene, as she had learned from him how these paintings were sold and that the artist would get paid, minus a commission, once a sale was made. She made sure to clarify to the manager at Pottle Frères that she was doing this so Eugene could receive the money, and she ensured that the check got to him quickly. If Eugene had been alone, this $300 check would have been enough to bring Angela back to him. As it was, it gave him some funds to enjoy while he was with her. He didn’t know that she had arranged for him to receive it, or who had bought the painting. A fake name was used. This [Pg 346] sale somewhat restored Eugene's faith in his future, because if one of his paintings could sell for this price so late in the day, others could too.
There were days thereafter of the most curious composition. In the morning he would leave dressed in his old working suit and carrying his lunch box, Carlotta waving him a farewell from her window, or, if he had an engagement outside with Carlotta, wearing a good suit, and trusting to his overalls and jumper to protect it, working all day with John and Bill, or Malachi Dempsey and Joseph—for there was rivalry between these two groups as to which should have his company—or leaving the shop early and riding with her a part of the time, coming home at night to be greeted by Carlotta as though she had not seen him at all. She watched for his coming as patiently as a wife and was as eager to see if there was anything she could do for him. In the shop Malachi and Joseph or John and Bill and sometimes some of the carpenters up stairs would complain of a rush of work in order that they might have his assistance or presence. Malachi and Joseph could always enter the complaint that they were in danger of being hampered by shavings, for the latter were constantly piling up in great heaps, beautiful shavings of ash and yellow pine and walnut which smelled like resin and frankincense and had the shape of girl's curls or dry breakfast food, or rich damp sawdust. Or John and Bill would complain that they were being overworked and needed someone in the car to receive. Even Big John, the engineer, tried to figure out some scheme by which he could utilize Eugene as a fireman, but that was impossible; there was no call for any such person. The foreman understood well enough what the point was but said nothing, placing Eugene with the particular group which seemed to need him most. Eugene was genial enough about the matter. Wherever he was was right. He liked to be in the cars or on a lumber pile or in the plane room. He also liked to stand and talk to Big John or Harry Fornes, his basket under his arm—"kidding," as he called it. His progress to and fro was marked by endless quips and jests and he was never weary.
There were days afterward that felt really strange. In the morning, he would head out in his old work clothes, carrying his lunch box, while Carlotta waved goodbye from her window. If he had plans with Carlotta outside, he’d wear a nice suit, relying on his overalls and jumper to keep it clean. He spent all day working with John and Bill, or Malachi Dempsey and Joseph—there was a competition between these two groups about who would get to spend time with him. Sometimes, he’d leave the shop early and ride with her for a bit, coming home at night to Carlotta acting as if she hadn’t seen him all day. She waited for him like a devoted wife, eager to see if there was anything she could do for him. In the shop, Malachi and Joseph or John and Bill, along with some of the carpenters upstairs, would complain about having too much work, hoping he would come help or just be around. Malachi and Joseph would constantly complain about being swamped with shavings, which piled up in huge, beautiful heaps—shavings of ash, yellow pine, and walnut that smelled of resin and incense, shaped like girls’ curls or dry cereal, or rich, damp sawdust. John and Bill would say they were overworked and needed someone to help in the car. Even Big John, the engineer, tried to figure out a way to use Eugene as a fireman, but that wasn’t possible; they didn’t need anyone like that. The foreman knew what was going on but said nothing, putting Eugene with whichever group seemed to need him the most. Eugene was pretty easygoing about it all. He felt good wherever he was—whether in the cars, on a lumber pile, or in the plane room. He also liked hanging out and chatting with Big John or Harry Fornes, his basket under his arm—what he called "kidding." He moved back and forth, full of endless jokes and fun, never feeling tired.
When his work was done at night he would hurry home, following the right bank of the little stream until he reached a path which led up to the street whereon was the Hibberdell house. On his way he would sometimes stop and study the water, its peaceful current bearing an occasional stick or straw upon its bosom, and contrasting the seeming peace of its movement with his own troubled life. The subtlety of nature as expressed in water appealed to him. The difference between this idyllic [Pg 347] stream bank and his shop and all who were of it, struck him forcefully. Malachi Dempsey had only the vaguest conception of the beauty of nature. Jack Stix was scarcely more artistic than the raw piles of lumber with which he dealt. Big John had no knowledge of the rich emotions of love or of beauty which troubled Eugene's brain. They lived on another plane, apparently.
When his work was finished at night, he would rush home, following the right side of the little stream until he reached a path that led up to the street where the Hibberdell house was located. Along the way, he would sometimes stop to look at the water, its calm current carrying the occasional stick or straw on its surface, contrasting the apparent peace of its flow with his own troubled life. The intricacies of nature as shown in water resonated with him. The stark difference between this picturesque stream bank and his shop and everyone associated with it struck him hard. Malachi Dempsey had only the faintest idea of the beauty of nature. Jack Stix was barely more artistic than the raw piles of lumber he handled. Big John had no understanding of the deep emotions of love or beauty that weighed on Eugene's mind. They seemed to exist on a completely different level.
And at the other end of the stream awaiting him was Carlotta, graceful, sophisticated, eager in her regard for him, lukewarm in her interest in morals, sybaritic in her moods, representing in a way a world which lived upon the fruits of this exploited toil and caring nothing about it. If he said anything to Carlotta about the condition of Joseph Mews, who carried bundles of wood home to his sister of an evening to help save the expense of fuel, she merely smiled. If he talked of the poverty of the masses she said, "Don't be doleful, Eugene." She wanted to talk of art and luxury and love, or think of them at least. Her love of the beauty of nature was keen. There were certain inns they could reach by automobile where they could sit and dine and drink a bottle of wine or a pitcher of claret cup, and here she would muse on what they would do if they were only free. Angela was frequently in Carlotta's thoughts, persistently in Eugene's, for he could not help feeling that he was doing her a rank injustice.
And waiting for him at the other end of the stream was Carlotta, elegant, sophisticated, and keen on him, but indifferent to morals, indulgent in her moods, representing a world that thrived on the efforts of the exploited and didn’t care about it at all. If he mentioned anything to Carlotta about Joseph Mews, who brought home bundles of wood each evening to help his sister save on heating costs, she just smiled. If he talked about the struggles of the poor, she would say, “Don’t be gloomy, Eugene.” She preferred discussing art, luxury, and love—or at least thinking about them. She had a deep appreciation for the beauty of nature. There were certain inns they could drive to where they could sit, eat, and enjoy a bottle of wine or a pitcher of claret cup, and she would dream about what they would do if they were free. Angela often crossed Carlotta's mind, but she was constantly on Eugene's, as he couldn’t shake off the feeling that he was being unfair to her.
She had been so patient and affectionate all this long time past, had tended him as a mother, waited on him as a servant. Only recently he had been writing in most affectionate terms, wishing she were with him. Now all that was dead again. It was hard work to write. Everything he said seemed a lie and he did not want to say it. He hated to pretend. Still, if he did not write Angela would be in a state of mortal agony, he thought, and would shortly come to look him up. It was only by writing, protesting his affection, explaining why in his judgment it was unadvisable for her to come at present, that she could be made to stay where she was. And now that he was so infatuated with Carlotta this seemed very desirable. He did not delude himself that he would ever be able to marry her. He knew that he could not get a divorce, there being no grounds, and the injustice to Angela being such a bar to his conscience; and as for Carlotta, her future was very uncertain. Norman Wilson, for all that he disregarded her at times, did not want to give her up. He was writing, threatening to come back to New York if she did not come to him, though the fact that she was in her mother's home, where he considered her safe, was some consolation to him. Angela was begging Eugene to let her come. They would get along, [Pg 348] she argued, on whatever he got and he would be better off with her than alone. She pictured him living in some uncomfortable boarding house where he was not half attended to and intensely lonely. Her return meant the leaving of this lovely home—for Mrs. Hibberdell had indicated that she would not like to keep him and his wife—and so the end of this perfect romance with Carlotta. An end to lovely country inns and summer balconies where they were dining together! An end to swift tours in her automobile, which she guided skilfully herself, avoiding the presence of a chauffeur. An end to lovely trysts under trees and by pretty streams where he kissed and fondled her and where she lingered joyously in his arms!
She had been so patient and loving all this time, caring for him like a mother and serving him like a servant. Just recently, he had been writing to her in very affectionate terms, wishing she could be with him. Now, all of that felt like a distant memory. Writing was tough. Everything he wrote seemed like a lie, and he didn’t want to say any of it. He hated pretending. Still, if he didn’t write, Angela would be in deep distress, and he thought she would soon come to find him. The only way to keep her where she was, he believed, was by writing to her, insisting on his affection, and explaining why he thought it was better for her not to come right now. And with how taken he was with Carlotta, this seemed very necessary. He didn’t fool himself into thinking he could ever marry her. He knew he couldn’t get a divorce since there were no grounds, and the unfairness to Angela weighed heavily on his conscience; plus, Carlotta’s future was very uncertain. Norman Wilson, despite sometimes ignoring her, didn't want to let her go. He was writing, threatening to return to New York if she didn’t come to him, although knowing she was at her mother’s house, where he thought she would be safe, was some comfort. Angela was pleading with Eugene to let her come. They would manage on whatever he earned, she argued, and he would be better off with her than alone. She imagined him stuck in some uncomfortable boarding house, poorly cared for and incredibly lonely. Her returning would mean leaving this lovely home—Mrs. Hibberdell had made it clear that she wouldn’t want to keep him and his wife—and thus the end of this perfect romance with Carlotta. An end to charming country inns and summer balconies where they dined together! An end to swift drives in her car, which she expertly handled herself, without a chauffeur around. An end to beautiful moments under trees and by picturesque streams where he kissed and held her and where she joyfully lingered in his arms!
"If ma could only see us now," she would jest; or,
"If Mom could only see us now," she would joke; or,
"Do you suppose Bill and John would recognize you here if they saw you?"
"Do you think Bill and John would recognize you here if they saw you?"
Once she said: "This is better than the engine room, isn't it?"
Once she said, "This is way better than the engine room, right?"
"You're a bad lot, Carlotta," he would declare, and then would come to her lips the enigmatic smile of Monna Lisa.
"You're a bad person, Carlotta," he would say, and then the mysterious smile of the Mona Lisa would appear on her lips.
"You like bad lots, don't you? Strays make fine hunting."
"You like the troublemakers, don't you? Strays are great to hunt."
In her own philosophy she was taking the cash and letting the credit go.
In her own way of thinking, she was cashing in and letting the credit slide.
CHAPTER XXIV
Days like this could not go on forever. The seed of their destruction was in their beginning. Eugene was sad. He used to show his mood at times and if she asked him what was the matter, would say: "We can't keep this thing up much longer. It must come to an end soon."
Days like this couldn't last forever. The seed of their downfall was there from the start. Eugene felt down. He would sometimes show how he was feeling, and if she asked what was wrong, he would say, "We can't keep this going much longer. It has to end soon."
"You're certainly a gloomy philosopher, Genie," she would say, reproachfully, for she had hopes that it could be made to last a long while under any circumstances. Eugene had the feeling that no pretence would escape Angela's psychology. She was too sensitive to his unspoken moods and feelings. She would come soon, willynilly, and then all this would be ended. As a matter of fact several things combined to bring about change and conclusion.
"You're definitely a gloomy philosopher, Genie," she would say, reproachfully, because she hoped it could last a long time no matter what. Eugene felt that no pretense would get past Angela's understanding. She was too attuned to his unspoken moods and feelings. She would come soon, whether he liked it or not, and then all of this would be over. In fact, several things came together to bring about change and closure.
For one thing Mrs. Hibberdell had been more and more impressed with the fact that Carlotta was not merely content to stay but that once having come she was fairly determined to remain. She had her own apartment in the city, ostensibly closed for the summer, for she had protested that it was too hot to live in town when she first proposed going to Narragansett. After seeing Eugene she figured out a possible use for it, though that use was dangerous, for Norman Wilson might return at any time. Nevertheless, they had been there on occasions—this with the double effect of deceiving her mother and entertaining Eugene. If she could remain away from Riverwood a percentage of the time, she argued with Eugene, it would make her stay less suspicious and would not jeopardize their joy in companionship. So she did this. At the same time she could not stay away from Riverwood entirely, for Eugene was there necessarily morning and evening.
For one thing, Mrs. Hibberdell increasingly noticed that Carlotta was not just content to stay; once she arrived, she was pretty determined to stick around. She had her own apartment in the city, supposedly closed for the summer, because she had insisted it was too hot to live downtown when she first suggested going to Narragansett. After meeting with Eugene, she figured out a possible use for it, even though that plan was risky since Norman Wilson could come back at any moment. Still, they had been there a few times—this both deceived her mother and entertained Eugene. If she could spend some time away from Riverwood, she reasoned with Eugene, it would make her absence less suspicious and wouldn’t threaten their happiness together. So she did this. However, she couldn’t completely avoid Riverwood, since Eugene was there in the mornings and evenings.
Nevertheless, toward the end of August Mrs. Hibberdell was growing suspicious. She had seen an automobile entering Central Park once when Carlotta had phoned her that she had a sick headache and could not come up. It looked to Mrs. Hibberdell, who had gone down town shopping on the strength of this ailment and who had phoned Carlotta that she was going to call at her apartment in the evening, as though Eugene and Carlotta were in it. Eugene had gone to work that morning, which made it seem doubtful, but it certainly looked very much like him. Still she did not feel sure it was he or Carlotta either. When [Pg 350] she came to the latter's apartment Carlotta was there, feeling better, but stating that she had not been out. Mrs. Hibberdell concluded thoughtfully that she must have been mistaken.
Nevertheless, toward the end of August, Mrs. Hibberdell was becoming suspicious. She had seen a car entering Central Park once when Carlotta had called her to say she had a bad headache and couldn’t come over. It seemed to Mrs. Hibberdell, who had gone downtown shopping based on this excuse and had called Carlotta to say she would stop by her apartment in the evening, that Eugene and Carlotta were in that car. Eugene had gone to work that morning, which made it seem unlikely, but it definitely looked a lot like him. Still, she wasn’t entirely sure it was him or Carlotta. When [Pg 350] she arrived at Carlotta’s apartment, Carlotta was there, feeling better but claiming she hadn’t gone out. Mrs. Hibberdell concluded thoughtfully that she must have been mistaken.
Her own room was on the third floor, and several times after all had retired and she had come down to the kitchen or dining room or library for something, she had heard a peculiar noise as of someone walking lightly. She thought it was fancy on her part, for invariably when she reached the second floor all was dark and still. Nevertheless she wondered whether Eugene and Carlotta could be visiting. Twice, between breakfast and the time Eugene departed, she thought she heard Eugene and Carlotta whispering on the second floor, but there was no proof. Carlotta's readiness to rise for breakfast at six-thirty in order to be at the same table with Eugene was peculiar, and her giving up Narragansett for Riverwood was most significant. It remained for one real discovery to resolve all her suspicions into the substance of fact and convict Carlotta of being the most conscienceless of deceivers.
Her own room was on the third floor, and several times after everyone had gone to bed and she had come down to the kitchen, dining room, or library for something, she heard a strange noise like someone walking softly. She thought it was just her imagination, since whenever she reached the second floor, everything was dark and quiet. Still, she wondered if Eugene and Carlotta might be visiting. Twice, between breakfast and the time Eugene left, she thought she heard Eugene and Carlotta whispering on the second floor, but there was no proof. Carlotta's willingness to get up for breakfast at six-thirty just to sit with Eugene was unusual, and her choosing Riverwood over Narragansett was quite telling. It would take one real discovery to turn all her suspicions into solid evidence and prove Carlotta to be the most heartless deceiver.
It came about in this fashion. One Sunday morning Davis and Mrs. Hibberdell had decided to go automobiling. Eugene and Carlotta were invited but had refused, for Carlotta on hearing the discussion several days before had warned Eugene and planned to have the day for herself and her lover. She cautioned him to pretend the need of making visits down town. As for herself she had said she would go, but on the day in question did not feel well enough. Davis and Mrs. Hibberdell departed, their destination being Long Island. It was an all day tour. After an hour their machine broke, however, and after sitting in it two hours waiting for repairs—long enough to spoil their plans—they came back by trolley. Eugene had not gone down town. He was not even dressed when the door opened on the ground floor and Mrs. Hibberdell came in.
It happened like this. One Sunday morning, Davis and Mrs. Hibberdell decided to go for a drive. Eugene and Carlotta were invited but declined, as Carlotta had warned Eugene days earlier about her plans to spend the day with her lover. She told him to act like he had to make some visits downtown. She had mentioned she would go, but when the day arrived, she claimed she wasn’t feeling well enough. Davis and Mrs. Hibberdell left, heading to Long Island for a day trip. However, after an hour, their car broke down, and after waiting two hours for repairs—long enough to ruin their plans—they took the trolley back. Eugene hadn't gone downtown. He wasn't even dressed when the front door opened, and Mrs. Hibberdell walked in.
"Oh, Carlotta," she called, standing at the foot of the stairs and expecting Carlotta to appear from her own room or a sort of lounging and sewing room which occupied the front of the house on the second floor and where she frequently stayed. Carlotta unfortunately was with Eugene and the door to this room was commanded from where Mrs. Hibberdell was standing. She did not dare to answer.
"Oh, Carlotta," she called, standing at the bottom of the stairs and expecting Carlotta to come out from her own room or the lounge and sewing room that occupied the front of the house on the second floor, where she often spent time. Unfortunately, Carlotta was with Eugene, and the door to that room was positioned where Mrs. Hibberdell was standing. She didn’t dare to respond.
"Oh, Carlotta," called her mother again.
"Oh, Carlotta," her mother called again.
The latter's first thought was to go back in the kitchen and look there, but on second thoughts she ascended the steps and started for the sewing room. Carlotta thought she had entered. In an instant she had seized the opportunity to step into the bath [Pg 351] which was next to Eugene's room but she was scarcely quick enough. Her mother had not gone into the room—only opened the door and looked in. She did not see Carlotta step out of Eugene's room, but she did see her entering the bath, in negligee, and she could scarcely have come from anywhere else. Her own door which was between Eugene's room and the sewing room was ten feet away. It did not seem possible that she could have come from there: she had not had time enough, and anyhow why had she not answered?
The first thing she thought was to head back to the kitchen and search there, but then she changed her mind, climbed the stairs, and made her way to the sewing room. Carlotta believed she had already gone in. In an instant, she took the chance to slip into the bathroom next to Eugene's room, but she barely made it in time. Her mother hadn't entered the room—she just opened the door and glanced inside. She didn't see Carlotta coming out of Eugene's room, but she definitely caught sight of her going into the bathroom in her negligee, and it was hard to think she had come from anywhere else. Her own door, which was between Eugene's room and the sewing room, was ten feet away. It didn’t seem possible that she could have come from there; she hadn't had enough time, and anyway, why hadn't she answered?
The first impulse of Mrs. Hibberdell was to call to her. Her second thought was to let the ruse seem successful. She was convinced that Eugene was in his room, and a few moments later a monitory cough on his part—coughed for a purpose—convinced her.
The first instinct of Mrs. Hibberdell was to call out to her. Her second thought was to let the trick appear successful. She was sure that Eugene was in his room, and a moment later, a deliberate cough from him—coughing for a reason—confirmed her suspicion.
"Are you in the bath, Carlotta?" she called quietly, after looking into Carlotta's room.
"Are you in the bath, Carlotta?" she called softly after checking Carlotta's room.
"Yes," came the reply, easily enough now. "Did your machine break down?"
"Yes," came the response, pretty easily now. "Did your machine break?"
A few remarks were exchanged through the door and then Mrs. Hibberdell went to her room. She thought over the situation steadily for it greatly irritated her. It was not the same as the discovered irregularity of a trusted and virtuous daughter. Carlotta had not been led astray. She was a grown woman, married, experienced. In every way she knew as much about life as her mother—in some respects more. The difference between them was in ethical standards and the policy that aligns itself with common sense, decency, self preservation, as against its opposite. Carlotta had so much to look out for. Her future was in her own hands. Besides, Eugene's future, his wife's rights and interests, her mother's home, her mother's standards, were things which she ought to respect—ought to want to respect. To find her lying as she had been this long time, pretending indifference, pretending absence, and no doubt associating with Eugene all the while, was disgusting. She was very angry, not so much at Eugene, though her respect for him was greatly lowered, artist though he was, as at Carlotta. She ought to do better. She ought to be ashamed not to guard herself against a man like Eugene, instead of luring him on. It was Carlotta's fault, and she determined to reproach her bitterly and to break up this wretched alliance at once.
A few comments were exchanged through the door, and then Mrs. Hibberdell went to her room. She thought about the situation intensely because it really annoyed her. It wasn’t the same as finding out about an irregularity from a trusted and virtuous daughter. Carlotta hadn’t been led astray. She was a grown woman, married, and experienced. In many ways, she knew just as much about life as her mother—if not more. The difference between them lay in their moral standards and the common-sense approach to decency and self-preservation versus the opposite. Carlotta had so much to protect. Her future was in her own hands. Besides, Eugene's future, his wife's rights and interests, her mother's home, and her mother's standards were things she should respect—things she should want to respect. Finding her lying as she had been all this time, pretending to be indifferent, pretending to be absent, and no doubt hanging out with Eugene the whole time, was disgusting. She was very angry, not so much at Eugene, though her respect for him had significantly dropped, artist though he was, but at Carlotta. She should do better. She should be ashamed of not guarding herself against a man like Eugene instead of encouraging him. It was Carlotta's fault, and she decided to confront her harshly and end this miserable relationship immediately.
There was an intense and bitter quarrel the next morning, for Mrs. Hibberdell decided to hold her peace until Eugene and Davis should be out of the house. She wanted to have this out with Carlotta alone, and the clash came shortly after breakfast [Pg 352] when both the others had left. Carlotta had already warned Eugene that something might happen on account of this, but under no circumstances was he to admit anything unless she told him to. The maid was in the kitchen out of ear shot, and Mrs. Hibberdell and Carlotta were in the library when the opening gun was fired. In a way Carlotta was prepared, for she fancied her mother might have seen other things—what or how much she could not guess. She was not without the dignity of a Circe, for she had been through scenes like this before. Her own husband had charged her with infidelity more than once, and she had been threatened with physical violence by him. Her face was pale but calm.
There was a tense and heated argument the next morning because Mrs. Hibberdell chose to stay quiet until Eugene and Davis were out of the house. She wanted to confront Carlotta alone, and the showdown happened shortly after breakfast [Pg 352] once the others had left. Carlotta had already warned Eugene that something could happen, but he was not to admit anything unless she told him to. The maid was in the kitchen, out of earshot, while Mrs. Hibberdell and Carlotta were in the library when the confrontation began. In a way, Carlotta was prepared, as she suspected her mother might have noticed something—what exactly or how much, she couldn’t tell. She maintained a dignified demeanor, having gone through similar situations before. Her own husband had accused her of cheating more than once and had even threatened her with physical harm. Her face was pale but composed.
"Now, Carlotta," observed her mother vigorously, "I saw what was going on yesterday morning when I came home. You were in Mr. Witla's room with your clothes off. I saw you come out. Please don't deny it. I saw you come out. Aren't you ashamed of yourself? How can you treat me that way after your promise not to do anything out of the way here?"
"Now, Carlotta," her mother said firmly, "I saw what happened yesterday morning when I got home. You were in Mr. Witla's room without any clothes on. I saw you come out. Please don't deny it. I saw you come out. Aren't you ashamed of yourself? How can you treat me like this after promising not to do anything inappropriate here?"
"You didn't see me come out of his room and I wasn't in there," said Carlotta brazenly. Her face was pale, but she was giving a fair imitation of righteous surprise. "Why do you make any such statement as that?"
"You didn't see me leave his room, and I wasn't in there," Carlotta said boldly. Her face was pale, but she was doing a decent job of pretending to be genuinely surprised. "Why would you say something like that?"
"Why, Carlotta Hibberdell, how dare you contradict me; how dare you lie! You came out of that room. You know you did. You know that you were in there. You know that I saw you. I should think you would be ashamed of yourself, slipping about this house like a street girl and your own mother in it. Aren't you ashamed of yourself? Have you no sense of decency left? Oh, Carlotta, I know you are bad, but why will you come here to be so? Why couldn't you let this man alone? He was doing well enough. It's a shame, the thing you have done. It's an outrage. Mrs. Witla ought to come here and whip you within an inch of your life."
"Why, Carlotta Hibberdell, how dare you contradict me; how dare you lie! You came out of that room. You know you did. You know that you were in there. You know that I saw you. I would think you’d be ashamed of yourself, sneaking around this house like a street girl with your own mother here. Aren't you ashamed of yourself? Do you have any sense of decency left? Oh, Carlotta, I know you’re not good, but why do you come here to be like this? Why couldn’t you just leave this man alone? He was doing fine. What you’ve done is shameful. It’s outrageous. Mrs. Witla should come here and give you a good talking-to."
"Oh, how you talk," said Carlotta, irritably. "You make me tired. You didn't see me. It's the old story—suspicion. You're always full of suspicion. You didn't see me and I wasn't in there. Why do you start a fuss for nothing!"
"Oh, how you talk," Carlotta said, annoyed. "You make me so tired. You didn't see me. It's the same old story—suspicion. You're always so suspicious. You didn’t see me, and I wasn’t in there. Why do you create a fuss over nothing!"
"A fuss! A fuss for nothing—the idea, you evil woman. A fuss for nothing. How can you talk that way! I can hardly believe my senses. I can hardly believe you would dare to brazenly face me in this way. I saw you and now you deny it."
"A fuss! A fuss over nothing—the idea, you wicked woman. A fuss over nothing. How can you say that! I can hardly believe my eyes. I can hardly believe you would boldly confront me like this. I saw you, and now you deny it."
Mrs. Hibberdell had not seen her, but she was convinced that what she said was true.
Mrs. Hibberdell hadn't seen her, but she was sure that what she said was true.
Carlotta brazened it out. "You didn't," she insisted.
Carlotta faced it head-on. "You didn't," she insisted.
[Pg 353] Mrs. Hibberdell stared. The effrontery of it took her breath away.
[Pg 353] Mrs. Hibberdell stared. The nerve of it left her speechless.
"Carlotta," she exclaimed, "I honestly think you are the worst woman in the world. I can't think of you as my daughter—you are too brazen. You're the worst because you're calculating. You know what you're doing, and you are deliberate in your method of doing it. You're evil-minded. You know exactly what you want and you set out deliberately to get it. You have done it in this case. You started out to get this man and you have succeeded in doing it. You have no sense of shame, no pride, no honesty, no honor, no respect for me or anyone else. You do not love this man. You know you don't. If you did you would never degrade him and yourself and me as you have done. You've simply indulged in another vile relationship because you wanted to, and now when you're caught you brazen it out. You're evil, Carlotta. You're as low as a woman can be, even if you are my daughter."
"Carlotta," she shouted, "I truly think you are the worst woman alive. I can't even see you as my daughter—you’re way too bold. You're terrible because you're manipulative. You know exactly what you're doing and you go after it methodically. You're malicious. You know precisely what you want and you intentionally go after it. You’ve done it in this situation. You set out to win over this man and you’ve managed to do it. You have no sense of shame, no pride, no honesty, no honor, and no respect for me or anyone else. You don’t love this man. Deep down, you know you don’t. If you did, you would never humiliate him, yourself, or me like this. You’ve just indulged in another disgusting relationship because you felt like it, and now that you've been exposed, you’re acting completely unapologetic. You’re wicked, Carlotta. You’re as low as a woman can get, even if you are my daughter."
"It isn't true," said Carlotta. "You're just talking to hear yourself talk."
"It’s not true," said Carlotta. "You’re just talking to hear yourself."
"It is true and you know it," reproved her mother. "You talk about Norman. He never did a thing worse in his life than you have done. He may be a gambler and immoral and inconsiderate and selfish. What are you? Can you stand there and tell me you're any better? Pah! If you only had a sense of shame something could be done for you, but you haven't any. You're just vile, that's all."
"It’s true, and you know it," her mother scolded. "You complain about Norman. He hasn't done anything worse in his life than you have. He might be a gambler and immoral and thoughtless and selfish. But what about you? Can you honestly say you’re any better? Ugh! If you just had a sense of shame, we could do something about this, but you don’t. You’re just horrible, that’s all."
"How you talk, ma," she observed, calmly; "how you carry on, and that on a mere suspicion. You didn't see me. I might have been in there but you didn't see me and I wasn't. You're making a storm just because you want to. I like Mr. Witla. I think he's very nice, but I'm not interested in him and I haven't done anything to harm him. You can turn him out if you want to. That's none of my affairs. You're simply raging about as usual without any facts to go upon."
"Look at how you're talking, Mom," she said calmly. "Look at how you're acting based on just a suspicion. You didn’t see me. I could have been in there, but you didn’t see me, and I wasn’t. You’re making a big deal out of nothing just because you want to. I like Mr. Witla. I think he’s really nice, but I’m not interested in him, and I haven’t done anything to hurt him. You can kick him out if you want. That’s none of my business. You’re just going off like you usually do without any real evidence."
Carlotta stared at her mother, thinking. She was not greatly disturbed. It was pretty bad, no doubt of that, but she was not thinking so much of that as of the folly of being found out. Her mother knew for certain, though she would not admit to her that she knew. Now all this fine summer romance would end—the pleasant convenience of it, anyhow. Eugene would be put to the trouble of moving. Her mother might say something disagreeable to him. Besides, she knew she was better than Norman because she did not associate with the same evil type of people. She was not coarse, she was not thick-witted, she was [Pg 354] not cruel, she was not a user of vile language or an expresser of vile ideas, and Norman was at times. She might lie and she might be calculating, but not to anyone's disadvantage—she was simply passion driven—boldly so and only toward love or romance. "Am I evil?" she often asked herself. Her mother said she was evil. Well, she was in one way; but her mother was angry, that was all. She did not mean all she said. She would come round. Still Carlotta did not propose to admit the truth of her mother's charges or to go through this situation without some argument. There were charges which her mother was making which were untenable—points which were inexcusable.
Carlotta stared at her mother, thinking. She wasn't feeling too upset. It was pretty bad, no doubt about that, but she wasn't focused on that as much as the ridiculousness of being found out. Her mother knew for sure, even if she wouldn't admit it to Carlotta. Now all this nice summer romance would come to an end—the convenient part of it, at least. Eugene would have to go through the hassle of moving. Her mother might say something unpleasant to him. Besides, she believed she was better than Norman because she didn’t hang out with the same bad crowd. She wasn’t coarse, she wasn’t thick-headed, she wasn’t cruel, she didn’t use foul language or express disgusting ideas, though Norman sometimes did. She might lie and be calculating, but not to anyone's harm—she was simply driven by passion—boldly so, and only for love or romance. "Am I evil?" she often asked herself. Her mother said she was. Well, she was in one way; but her mother was just angry, that’s all. She didn’t mean everything she said. She would come around. Still, Carlotta didn’t intend to admit the truth of her mother’s accusations or to go through this situation without some argument. There were accusations her mother was making that just didn’t hold up—points that were unacceptable.
"Carlotta Hibberdell, you're the most brazen creature I ever knew! You're a terrible liar. How can you stand there and look me in the eye and say that, when you know that I know? Why lie in addition to everything else? Oh! Carlotta, the shame of it. If you only had some sense of honor! How can you lie like that? How can you?"
"Carlotta Hibberdell, you're the most shameless person I’ve ever met! You're a horrible liar. How can you just stand there, look me in the eye, and say that when you know that I know the truth? Why add lying to everything else? Oh! Carlotta, it's so embarrassing. If only you had a sense of honor! How can you lie like that? How can you?"
"I'm not lying," declared Carlotta, "and I wish you would quit fussing. You didn't see me. You know you didn't. I came out of my room and you were in the front room. Why do you say you weren't. You didn't see me. Supposing I am a liar. I'm your daughter. I may be vile. I didn't make myself so. Certainly I'm not in this instance. Whatever I am I come by it honestly. My life hasn't been a bed of roses. Why do you start a silly fight? You haven't a thing to go on except suspicion and now you want to raise a row. I don't care what you think of me. I'm not guilty in this case and you can think what you please. You ought to be ashamed to charge me with something of which you are not sure."
"I'm not lying," Carlotta said. "I wish you would stop fussing. You didn't see me. You know you didn't. I came out of my room and you were in the front room. Why do you say you weren't? You didn't see me. Even if I were a liar, I'm your daughter. I may be awful, but I didn't make myself that way. I'm definitely not lying this time. Whatever I am, I earned it honestly. My life hasn't been easy. Why start a pointless argument? You have nothing to go on except suspicion, and now you want to make a scene. I don't care what you think of me. I'm not guilty in this situation, and you can think whatever you want. You should be ashamed to accuse me of something you’re not sure about."
She walked to the window and stared out. Her mother shook her head. Such effrontery was beyond her. It was like her daughter, though. She took after her father and herself. Both were self-willed and determined when aroused. At the same time she was sorry for her girl, for Carlotta was a capable woman in her way and very much dissatisfied with life.
She walked to the window and looked outside. Her mom shook her head. Such audacity was beyond her. It was just like her daughter, though. She took after both her dad and her. They were both headstrong and determined when pushed. At the same time, she felt sorry for her girl because Carlotta was a capable woman in her own right and very unhappy with her life.
"I should think you would be ashamed of yourself, Carlotta, whether you admit it to me or not," she went on. "The truth is the truth and it must hurt you a little. You were in that room. We won't argue that, though. You set out deliberately to do this and you have done it. Now what I have to say is this: You are going back to your apartment today, and Mr. Witla is going to leave here as quick as he can get a room somewhere else. You're not going to continue this wretched relationship any longer if I can help it. I'm going to write to his wife and to [Pg 355] Norman too, if I can't do anything else to break this up. You're going to let this man alone. You have no right to come between him and Mrs. Witla. It's an outrage, and no one but a vile, conscienceless woman would do it. I'm not going to say anything to him now, but he's going to leave here and so are you. When it's all over you can come back if you want to. I'm ashamed for you. I'm ashamed for myself. If it hadn't been for my own feelings and those of Davis, I would have ordered you both out of the house yesterday and you know it. It's consideration for myself that's made me smooth it over as much as I have. He, the vile thing, after all the courtesy I have shown him. Still I don't blame him as much as I do you, for he would never have looked at you if you hadn't made him. My own daughter! My own house! Tch! Tch! Tch!"
"I think you should be ashamed of yourself, Carlotta, whether you admit it or not," she continued. "The truth is the truth, and it must hurt you a little. You were in that room. There’s no denying that. You set out intentionally to do this, and you’ve succeeded. Now here’s what I need to say: You’re going back to your apartment today, and Mr. Witla is leaving here as quickly as he can get a room somewhere else. You’re not going to continue this awful relationship if I can help it. I’m going to write to his wife and to [Pg 355] Norman too, if I have to, to break this up. You need to leave this man alone. You have no right to come between him and Mrs. Witla. It’s outrageous, and only a despicable, heartless woman would do this. I’m not going to say anything to him now, but he’s leaving here and so are you. Once it’s all over, you can come back if you want. I’m ashamed for you. I’m ashamed for myself. If it hadn’t been for my own feelings and those of Davis, I would have kicked you both out of the house yesterday, and you know it. It’s out of consideration for myself that I’ve let this go on as much as I have. Him, that disgusting man, after all the kindness I’ve shown him. Still, I don’t blame him as much as I blame you, because he would never have looked at you if you hadn’t made him. My own daughter! In my own house! Tch! Tch! Tch!"
There was more conversation—that fulgurous, coruscating reiteration of charges. Eugene was no good. Carlotta was vile. Mrs. Hibberdell wouldn't have believed it possible if she hadn't seen it with her own eyes. She was going to tell Norman if Carlotta didn't reform—over and over, one threat after another.
There was more talking— that bright, sparkly repetition of accusations. Eugene was worthless. Carlotta was disgusting. Mrs. Hibberdell wouldn't have believed it if she hadn't witnessed it herself. She was going to tell Norman if Carlotta didn't change her ways—again and again, one threat after another.
"Well," she said, finally, "you're going to get your things ready and go into the city this afternoon. I'm not going to have you here another day."
"Well," she said at last, "you're going to pack your stuff and head into the city this afternoon. I'm not keeping you here for another day."
"No I'm not," said Carlotta boldly, pondering over all that had been said. It was a terrible ordeal, but she would not go today. "I'm going in the morning. I'm not going to pack that fast. It's too late. I'm not going to be ordered out of here like a servant."
"No, I'm not," Carlotta said confidently, thinking about everything that had been said. It was a tough situation, but she wouldn't leave today. "I'm going in the morning. I'm not going to rush packing. It's too late. I'm not going to be treated like a servant and ordered out of here."
Her mother groaned, but she gave in. Carlotta could not be made to do anything she did not want to do. She went to her room, and presently Mrs. Hibberdell heard her singing. She shook her head. Such a personality. No wonder Eugene succumbed to her blandishments. What man wouldn't?
Her mom sighed, but she gave up. Carlotta couldn’t be forced to do anything she didn’t want to do. She went to her room, and soon Mrs. Hibberdell heard her singing. She shook her head. What a personality. No wonder Eugene fell for her charms. What guy wouldn’t?
CHAPTER XXV
The sequel of this scene was not to be waited for. At dinner time Mrs. Hibberdell announced in the presence of Carlotta and Davis that the house was going to be closed up for the present, and very quickly. She and Carlotta were going to Narragansett for the month of September and a part of October. Eugene, having been forewarned by Carlotta, took it with a show of polite surprise. He was sorry. He had spent such a pleasant time here. Mrs. Hibberdell could not be sure whether Carlotta had told him or not, he seemed so innocent, but she assumed that she had and that he like Carlotta was "putting on." She had informed Davis that for reasons of her own she wanted to do this. He suspected what they were, for he had seen signs and slight demonstrations which convinced him that Carlotta and Eugene had reached an understanding. He did not consider it anything very much amiss, for Carlotta was a woman of the world, her own boss and a "good fellow." She had always been nice to him. He did not want to put any obstacles in her way. In addition, he liked Eugene. Once he had said to Carlotta jestingly, "Well, his arms are almost as long as Norman's—not quite maybe."
The sequel to this scene wasn't going to be waited for. At dinner, Mrs. Hibberdell announced in front of Carlotta and Davis that the house was going to be closed up for now, and quickly. She and Carlotta were heading to Narragansett for September and part of October. Eugene, having been warned by Carlotta, acted surprised. He expressed regret, saying he’d had such a nice time here. Mrs. Hibberdell couldn't tell if Carlotta had informed him, as he seemed so innocent, but she assumed she had and that he, like Carlotta, was "putting on a show." She had told Davis that for her own reasons, she wanted to do this. He suspected what they were, having noticed signs and small gestures that convinced him Carlotta and Eugene had come to an understanding. He didn’t think it was anything too inappropriate since Carlotta was a worldly woman, her own person, and a "good fellow." She had always been nice to him, and he didn’t want to hinder her. Plus, he liked Eugene. Once he had jokingly said to Carlotta, "Well, his arms are almost as long as Norman's—not quite though."
"You go to the devil," was her polite reply.
"You can go to hell," was her polite reply.
Tonight a storm came up, a brilliant, flashing summer storm. Eugene went out on the porch to watch it. Carlotta came also.
Tonight a storm rolled in, a dazzling, electrifying summer storm. Eugene stepped out onto the porch to enjoy the view. Carlotta joined him.
"Well, wise man," she said, as the thunder rolled. "It's all over up here. Don't let on. I'll see you wherever you go, but this was so nice. It was fine to have you near me. Don't get blue, will you? She says she may write your wife, but I don't think she will. If she thinks I'm behaving, she won't. I'll try and fool her. It's too bad, though. I'm crazy about you, Genie."
"Well, wise guy," she said, as the thunder rumbled. "It's all over up here. Don't say anything. I'll see you wherever you go, but this was really nice. It was great having you close. Don’t feel down, okay? She says she might write to your wife, but I doubt she will. If she thinks I'm acting right, she won’t. I’ll try to trick her. It’s a shame, though. I’m crazy about you, Genie."
Now that he was in danger of losing Carlotta, her beauty took on a special significance for Eugene. He had come into such close contact with her, had seen her under such varied conditions, that he had come to feel a profound admiration for not only her beauty but her intellect and ability as well. One of his weaknesses was that he was inclined to see much more in those he admired than was really there. He endowed them with the romance of his own moods—saw in them the ability to do things which he only could do. In doing this of course he flattered [Pg 357] their vanity, aroused their self-confidence, made them feel themselves the possessors of latent powers and forces which before him they had only dreamed of. Margaret, Ruby, Angela, Christina and Carlotta had all gained this feeling from him. They had a better opinion of themselves for having known him. Now as he looked at Carlotta he was intensely sorry, for she was so calm, so affable, so seemingly efficient and self reliant, and such a comfort to him in these days.
Now that he was at risk of losing Carlotta, her beauty took on a special meaning for Eugene. He had gotten so close to her and had seen her in so many different situations that he had developed a deep admiration not just for her looks but also for her intelligence and skills. One of his weaknesses was that he tended to see much more in those he admired than actually existed. He projected the romance of his own feelings onto them—believing they had the potential to achieve things he could only dream of. In doing this, of course, he boosted their egos, boosted their self-confidence, and made them feel like they possessed hidden strengths and abilities that they had only imagined before meeting him. Margaret, Ruby, Angela, Christina, and Carlotta all gained this sense of self-worth from him. They had a higher opinion of themselves because they knew him. Now, as he looked at Carlotta, he felt a strong sense of regret, for she was so calm, so friendly, so seemingly capable and self-reliant, and such a comfort to him during these times.
"Circe!" he said, "this is too bad. I'm sorry. I'm going to hate to lose you."
"Circe!" he said, "this is really unfortunate. I'm sorry. I'm going to really hate losing you."
"You won't lose me," she replied. "You can't. I won't let you. I've found you now and I'm going to keep you. This don't mean anything. We can find places to meet. Get a place where they have a phone if you can. When do you think you'll go?"
"You won't lose me," she said. "You can't. I won't let you. I've found you now, and I'm going to keep you. This doesn't mean anything. We can find places to meet. Get a place with a phone if you can. When do you think you'll go?"
"Right away," said Eugene. "I'll take tomorrow morning off and look."
"Sure," said Eugene. "I'll take tomorrow morning off and check it out."
"Poor Eugene," she said sympathetically. "It's too bad. Never mind though. Everything will come out right."
"Poor Eugene," she said with sympathy. "That’s a shame. But don’t worry. Everything will turn out fine."
She was still not counting on Angela. She thought that even if Angela came back, as Eugene told her she would soon, a joint arrangement might possibly be made. Angela could be here, but she, Carlotta, could share Eugene in some way. She thought she would rather live with him than any other man on earth.
She still wasn't relying on Angela. She believed that even if Angela returned, as Eugene said she would soon, they could possibly work something out. Angela could be around, but Carlotta could share Eugene in some way. She thought she would rather be with him than any other man in the world.
It was only about noon the next morning when Eugene had found another room, for, in living here so long, he had thought of several methods by which he might have obtained a room in the first place. There was another church, a library, the postmaster and the ticket agent at Speonk who lived in the village. He went first to the postmaster and learned of two families, one the home of a civil engineer, where he might be welcome, and it was here that he eventually settled. The view was not quite so attractive, but it was charming, and he had a good room and good meals. He told them that he might not stay long, for his wife was coming back soon. The letters from Angela were becoming most importunate.
It was only around noon the next day when Eugene found another room. After living there for so long, he had considered a few ways he could have secured a room in the first place. There was another church, a library, the postmaster, and the ticket agent at Speonk who lived in the village. He first went to the postmaster and discovered two families, one being the home of a civil engineer, where he might be welcomed, and it was here that he eventually settled. The view wasn’t quite as nice, but it was charming, and he had a good room and good meals. He mentioned that he might not stay long because his wife was coming back soon. Angela's letters were becoming increasingly urgent.
He gathered up his belongings at Mrs. Hibberdell's and took a polite departure. After he was gone Mrs. Hibberdell of course changed her mind, and Carlotta returned to her apartment in New York. She communicated with Eugene not only by phone but by special delivery, and had him meet her at a convenient inn the second evening of his departure. She was planning some sort of a separate apartment for them, when Eugene informed her that Angela was already on her way to New York and that nothing could be done at present.
He packed his things at Mrs. Hibberdell's and said his goodbyes politely. After he left, Mrs. Hibberdell, of course, changed her mind, and Carlotta went back to her apartment in New York. She got in touch with Eugene not just by phone but also through special delivery, arranging to meet him at a convenient inn on the second evening after his departure. She was planning some kind of separate apartment for them when Eugene told her that Angela was already on her way to New York and that nothing could be done for now.
[Pg 358] Since Eugene had left her at Biloxi, Angela had spent a most miserable period of seven months. She had been grieving her heart out, for she imagined him to be most lonely, and at the same time she was regretful that she had ever left him. She might as well have been with him. She figured afterward that she might have borrowed several hundred dollars from one of her brothers, and carried out the fight for his mental recovery by his side. Once he had gone she fancied she might have made a mistake matrimonially, for he was so impressionable—but his condition was such that she did not deem him to be interested in anything save his recovery. Besides, his attitude toward her of late had been so affectionate and in a way dependent. All her letters since he had left had been most tender, speaking of his sorrow at this necessary absence and hoping that the time would soon come when they could be together. The fact that he was lonely finally decided her and she wrote that she was coming whether he wanted her to or not.
[Pg 358] Since Eugene had left her in Biloxi, Angela had spent a miserable seven months. She had been grieving deeply, imagining him to be incredibly lonely, and regretting ever leaving him. She felt like she might as well have been with him. She later thought that she could have borrowed a few hundred dollars from one of her brothers and supported him through his recovery. Once he was gone, she worried she might have made a mistake by marrying him, since he was so impressionable—but his condition was such that she didn’t think he was interested in anything other than getting better. Besides, his recent attitude toward her had been very affectionate and somewhat dependent. All her letters since his departure had been very tender, expressing his sadness about the necessary separation and hoping the day would come soon when they could be together. The fact that he was lonely finally convinced her, and she wrote that she was coming whether he wanted her to or not.
Her arrival would have made little difference except that by now he was thoroughly weaned away from her again, had obtained a new ideal and was interested only to see and be with Carlotta. The latter's easy financial state, her nice clothes, her familiarity with comfortable and luxurious things—better things than Eugene had ever dreamed of enjoying—her use of the automobile, her freedom in the matter of expenditures—taking the purchase of champagne and expensive meals as a matter of course—dazzled and fascinated him. It was rather an astonishing thing, he thought, to have so fine a woman fall in love with him. Besides, her tolerance, her indifference to petty conventions, her knowledge of life and literature and art—set her in marked contrast to Angela, and in all ways she seemed rare and forceful to him. He wished from his heart that he could be free and could have her.
Her arrival wouldn't have changed much except that he had completely moved on from her again, found a new ideal, and was only interested in seeing and being with Carlotta. Her comfortable financial situation, nice clothes, and familiarity with luxurious things—better than anything Eugene had ever dreamed of—her use of the car, and her carefree spending habits—buying champagne and expensive meals without a second thought—dazzled and intrigued him. It was quite surprising, he thought, to have such an amazing woman fall in love with him. Plus, her tolerance, indifference to trivial conventions, and knowledge of life, literature, and art set her apart from Angela, making her seem unique and powerful in every way. He sincerely wished he could be free and have her by his side.
Into this peculiar situation Angela precipitated herself one bright Saturday afternoon in September. She was dying to see Eugene again. Full of grave thoughts for his future, she had come to share it whatever it might be. Her one idea was that he was sick and depressed and lonely. None of his letters had been cheerful or optimistic, for of course he did not dare to confess the pleasure he was having in Carlotta's company. In order to keep her away he had to pretend that lack of funds made it inadmissible for her to be here. The fact that he was spending, and by the time she arrived had spent, nearly the whole of the three hundred dollars his picture sold to Carlotta had brought him, had troubled him—not unduly, of course, or he would not [Pg 359] have done it. He had qualms of conscience, severe ones, but they passed with the presence of Carlotta or the reading of his letters from Angela.
Into this unusual situation Angela threw herself one bright Saturday afternoon in September. She was eager to see Eugene again. Full of serious thoughts about his future, she had come to share it, no matter what it might be. Her one concern was that he was sick, depressed, and lonely. None of his letters had been cheerful or optimistic, since he didn't dare to admit the enjoyment he was having in Carlotta's company. To keep her away, he had to pretend that money issues made it impossible for her to be there. The fact that he was spending, and by the time she arrived had spent, nearly all of the three hundred dollars he made from selling his painting to Carlotta had bothered him—not too much, of course, or he wouldn’t have done it. He had serious qualms of conscience, but they faded with Carlotta's presence or when he read his letters from Angela.
"I don't know what's the matter with me," he said to himself from time to time. "I guess I'm no good." He thought it was a blessing that the world could not see him as he was.
"I don't know what's wrong with me," he said to himself every now and then. "I guess I'm no good." He felt it was a blessing that the world couldn't see him for who he really was.
One of the particular weaknesses of Eugene's which should be set forth here and which will help to illuminate the bases of his conduct was that he was troubled with a dual point of view—a condition based upon a peculiar power of analysis—self-analysis in particular, which was constantly permitting him to tear himself up by the roots in order to see how he was getting along. He would daily and hourly when not otherwise employed lift the veil from his inner mental processes as he might lift the covering from a well, and peer into its depths. What he saw was not very inviting and vastly disconcerting, a piece of machinery that was not going as a true man should, clock fashion, and corresponding in none of its moral characteristics to the recognized standard of a man. He had concluded by now, from watching various specimens, that sane men were honest, some inherently moral, some regulated by a keen sense of duty, and occasionally all of these virtues and others were bound up in one man. Angela's father was such an one. M. Charles appeared to be another. He had concluded from his association with Jerry Mathews, Philip Shotmeyer, Peter MacHugh and Joseph Smite that they were all rather decent in respect to morals. He had never seen them under temptation but he imagined they were. Such a man as William Haverford, the Engineer of Maintenance of Way, and Henry C. Litlebrown, the Division Engineer of this immense road, struck him as men who must have stuck close to a sense of duty and the conventions of the life they represented, working hard all the time, to have attained the positions they had. All this whole railroad system which he was watching closely from day to day from his little vantage point of connection with it, seemed a clear illustration of the need of a sense of duty and reliability. All of these men who worked for this company had to be in good health, all had to appear at their posts on the tick of the clock, all had to perform faithfully the duties assigned them, or there would be disasters. Most of them had climbed by long, arduous years of work to very modest positions of prominence, as conductors, engineers, foremen, division superintendents. Others more gifted or more blessed by fortune became division engineers, superintendents, vice-presidents and presidents. They were all slow [Pg 360] climbers, rigid in their sense of duty, tireless in their energy, exact, thoughtful. What was he?
One of Eugene's main weaknesses that should be mentioned here, and which helps explain his behavior, was that he struggled with a dual perspective—a condition stemming from a unique ability to analyze—especially self-analysis, which constantly allowed him to dig deep into himself to see how he was doing. Daily and hourly, when he wasn’t preoccupied with something else, he would lift the veil from his inner thoughts like pulling off the cover of a well and peer into its depths. What he discovered wasn’t very appealing and was quite unsettling: a machine that didn’t function the way a good man should, ticking like a clock, and lacking the moral qualities expected of a man. By this point, he had concluded, after observing different examples, that sane men were honest, some inherently moral, some guided by a strong sense of duty, and occasionally all these virtues and more were found in one person. Angela's father was one such man. M. Charles seemed to be another. From his interactions with Jerry Mathews, Philip Shotmeyer, Peter MacHugh, and Joseph Smite, he figured they were all pretty decent regarding morals. He had never seen them under pressure, but he believed they would hold up. Men like William Haverford, the Engineer of Maintenance of Way, and Henry C. Litlebrown, the Division Engineer of this vast railway, seemed to him like they must have adhered closely to a sense of duty and the standards of their profession, constantly working hard to achieve their current positions. This entire railroad system, which he observed closely each day from his small connection to it, seemed to clearly illustrate the necessity of duty and reliability. All the people working for this company had to be healthy, show up at their posts right on time, and perform their assigned tasks faithfully, or there would be chaos. Most of them had spent long, tough years climbing to modest roles like conductors, engineers, foremen, and division superintendents. Others, either more talented or more fortunate, rose to become division engineers, superintendents, vice-presidents, and presidents. They all were slow climbers, strict about their responsibilities, tireless in their efforts, precise, and thoughtful. What was he?
He looked into the well of his being and there he saw nothing but shifty and uncertain currents. It was very dark down there. He was not honest, he said to himself, except in money matters—he often wondered why. He was not truthful. He was not moral. This love of beauty which haunted him seemed much more important than anything else in the world, and his pursuit of that seemed to fly in the face of everything else which was established and important. He found that men everywhere did not think much of a man who was crazy after women. They might joke about an occasional lapse as an amiable vice or one which could be condoned, but they wanted little to do with a man who was overpowered by it. There was a case over in the railroad yard at Speonk recently which he had noted, of a foreman who had left his wife and gone after some hoyden in White Plains, and because of this offense he was promptly discharged. It appeared, though, that before this he had occasionally had such lapses and that each time he had been discharged, but had been subsequently forgiven. This one weakness, and no other, had given him a bad reputation among his fellow railroad men—much as that a drunkard might have. Big John Peters, the engineer, had expressed it aptly to Eugene one day when he told him in confidence that "Ed Bowers would go to hell for his hide," the latter being the local expression for women. Everybody seemed to pity him, and the man seemed in a way to pity himself. He had a hang-dog look when he was re-instated, and yet everybody knew that apart from this he was a fairly competent foreman. Still it was generally understood that he would never get anywhere.
He looked deep within himself and found nothing but shifting, uncertain feelings. It was really dark down there. He told himself he was only honest when it came to money—he often wondered why that was. He wasn't truthful. He wasn't moral. This obsession with beauty that haunted him felt way more important than anything else in the world, and his pursuit of it seemed to clash with everything else that was established and significant. He noticed that men everywhere didn't think highly of a guy who was obsessed with women. They might make jokes about an occasional slip-up as a minor flaw or something forgivable, but they wanted to stay away from a man who was completely overwhelmed by it. He recalled a recent incident in the railroad yard at Speonk, where a foreman left his wife for some flirt in White Plains, and he was quickly fired for it. It seemed that before this, he had had similar slip-ups and had been let go each time, only to be forgiven later. This one weakness, and none other, had given him a bad reputation among his fellow railroad workers—similar to what a drunkard would face. Big John Peters, the engineer, summed it up well for Eugene one day when he confided that "Ed Bowers would go to hell for his hide," the local term for women. Everyone seemed to feel sorry for him, and he seemed to pity himself too. He had a downcast look when he got his job back, yet everyone knew that aside from this, he was a pretty capable foreman. Still, it was generally accepted that he would never get ahead.
From that Eugene argued to himself that a man who was cursed with this peculiar vice could not get anywhere; that he, if he kept it up, would not. It was like drinking and stealing, and the face of the world was against it. Very frequently it went hand in hand with those things—"birds of a feather" he thought. Still he was cursed with it, and he no more than Ed Bowers appeared to be able to conquer it. At least he was yielding to it now as he had before. It mattered not that the women he chose were exceptionally beautiful and fascinating. They were women, and ought he to want them? He had one. He had taken a solemn vow to love and cherish her, or at least had gone through the formality of such a vow, and here he was running about with Carlotta, as he had with Christina and Ruby before her. Was he not always looking for some such [Pg 361] woman as this? Certainly he was. Had he not far better be seeking for wealth, distinction, a reputation for probity, chastity, impeccable moral honor? Certainly he had. It was the way to distinction apparently, assuming the talent, and here he was doing anything but take that way. Conscience was his barrier, a conscience unmodified by cold self-interest. Shame upon himself! Shame upon his weak-kneed disposition, not to be able to recover from this illusion of beauty. Such were some of the thoughts which his moments of introspection brought him.
From that, Eugene argued to himself that a man cursed with this strange vice couldn't go anywhere; that he, if he continued down this path, wouldn’t. It was like drinking and stealing, and the world was against it. Often, it went hand in hand with those things—“birds of a feather,” he thought. Still, he was burdened by it, and he, just like Ed Bowers, seemed unable to conquer it. At least he was giving in to it now, just as he had before. It didn’t matter that the women he chose were exceptionally beautiful and captivating. They were women, and should he even desire them? He had one. He had taken a solemn vow to love and cherish her, or at least had gone through the formalities of such a vow, and here he was running around with Carlotta, just like he had with Christina and Ruby before her. Was he not always searching for some woman like this? Certainly, he was. Shouldn't he be seeking wealth, distinction, a reputation for honesty, chastity, and impeccable moral integrity? Absolutely. That was apparently the way to distinction, assuming he had the talent, and here he was doing anything but that. Conscience was his barrier, a conscience untainted by cold self-interest. Shame on him! Shame on his weak-willed nature for not being able to break free from this illusion of beauty. Such were some of the thoughts that his moments of self-reflection brought him.
On the other hand, there came over him that other phase of his duality—the ability to turn his terrible searchlight of intelligence which swept the heavens and the deep as with a great white ray—upon the other side of the question. It revealed constantly the inexplicable subtleties and seeming injustices of nature. He could not help seeing how the big fish fed upon the little ones, the strong were constantly using the weak as pawns; the thieves, the grafters, the murderers were sometimes allowed to prey on society without let or hindrance. Good was not always rewarded—frequently terribly ill-rewarded. Evil was seen to flourish beautifully at times. It was all right to say that it would be punished, but would it? Carlotta did not think so. She did not think the thing she was doing with him was very evil. She had said to him over and over that it was an open question, that he was troubled with an ingrowing conscience. "I don't think it's so bad," she once told him. "It depends somewhat on how you were raised." There was a system apparently in society, but also apparently it did not work very well. Only fools were held by religion, which in the main was an imposition, a graft and a lie. The honest man might be very fine but he wasn't very successful. There was a great to-do about morals, but most people were immoral or unmoral. Why worry? Look to your health! Don't let a morbid conscience get the better of you. Thus she counselled, and he agreed with her. For the rest the survival of the fittest was the best. Why should he worry? He had talent.
On the other hand, he experienced that other side of his dual nature—the ability to shine his intense intelligence, which scanned the skies and the depths like a powerful white beam—on the flip side of the issue. It consistently showed him the inexplicable complexities and apparent unfairnesses of nature. He couldn’t help but notice how the big fish consumed the smaller ones, how the strong always exploited the weak; the thieves, the con artists, the murderers sometimes managed to prey on society without any obstacles. Good wasn’t always rewarded—in fact, it was often poorly rewarded. Evil sometimes thrived beautifully. It was easy to say that it would be punished, but would it? Carlotta didn’t believe so. She didn’t consider what she was doing with him to be very wrong. She had repeatedly told him that it was an open question and that he was struggling with a guilty conscience. "I don't think it's that bad," she once said. "It depends on how you were raised." There seemed to be a system in society, but it also seemed to not work very well. Only fools were bound by religion, which was mostly a burden, a scam, and a lie. The honest man might be admirable, but he wasn’t very successful. There was a lot of fuss about morals, but most people were either immoral or amoral. Why worry? Focus on your health! Don’t let a guilty conscience take over. That’s what she advised, and he agreed with her. Besides, survival of the fittest was the way to go. Why should he be concerned? He had talent.
It was thus that Eugene floundered to and fro, and it was in this state, brooding and melancholy, that Angela found him on her arrival. He was as gay as ever at times, when he was not thinking, but he was very thin and hollow-eyed, and Angela fancied that it was overwork and worry which kept him in this state. Why had she left him? Poor Eugene! She had clung desperately to the money he had given her, and had most of it with her ready to be expended now for his care. She was so anxious for his recovery and his peace of mind that she was [Pg 362] ready to go to work herself at anything she could find, in order to make his path more easy. She was thinking that fate was terribly unjust to him, and when he had gone to sleep beside her the first night she lay awake and cried. Poor Eugene! To think he should be tried so by fate. Nevertheless, he should not be tortured by anything which she could prevent. She was going to make him as comfortable and happy as she could. She set about to find some nice little apartment or rooms where they could live in peace and where she could cook Eugene's meals for him. She fancied that maybe his food had not been exactly right, and when she got him where she could manifest a pretence of self-confidence and courage that he would take courage from her and grow better. So she set briskly about her task, honeying Eugene the while, for she was confident that this above all things was the thing he needed. She little suspected what a farce it all appeared to him, how mean and contemptible he appeared to himself. He did not care to be mean—to rapidly disillusion her and go his way; and yet this dual existence sickened him. He could not help but feel that from a great many points of view Angela was better than Carlotta. Yet the other woman was wider in her outlook, more gracious in her appearance, more commanding, more subtle. She was a princess of the world, subtle, deadly Machiavellian, but a princess nevertheless. Angela was better described by the current and acceptable phrase of the time—a "thoroughly good woman," honest, energetic, resourceful, in all things obedient to the race spirit and the conventional feelings of the time. He knew that society would support her thoroughly and condemn Carlotta, and yet Carlotta interested him more. He wished that he might have both and no fussing. Then all would be beautiful. So he thought.
Eugene was struggling back and forth, and it was in this gloomy and sad state that Angela found him when she arrived. He was cheerful at times when he wasn’t deep in thought, but he looked very thin and had hollow eyes. Angela believed it was overwork and stress that kept him in such a state. Why had she left him? Poor Eugene! She had desperately held onto the money he’d given her, most of which she had with her now, ready to be used for his care. She was so keen for him to get better and find peace that she was ready to work at anything she could find to make his life easier. She felt that fate was cruelly unfair to him, and when he fell asleep beside her on their first night together, she lay awake and cried. Poor Eugene! It was hard to believe that fate would put him through so much. Still, she wouldn’t let him suffer from anything she could prevent. She was determined to make him as comfortable and happy as possible. She set out to find a nice little apartment or room where they could live peacefully and where she could cook meals for him. She thought maybe his food hadn’t been quite right, and she hoped that by showing a bit of self-confidence and courage, he would feel better and start to recover. So she cheerfully got to work, sweet-talking Eugene along the way, convinced that this was exactly what he needed. Little did she know how ridiculous it all seemed to him, how small and worthless he felt. He didn’t want to be mean—he could quickly disillusion her and go his own way; yet living this double life made him feel sick. He couldn’t shake the feeling that, in many ways, Angela was better than Carlotta. But Carlotta had a broader outlook, was more attractive, more commanding, and more clever. She was a worldly princess, subtle and cunning, but a princess nonetheless. Angela fit the modern and acceptable label of the time—a "thoroughly good woman," honest, energetic, resourceful, and in every way conforming to societal norms and the feelings of her time. He knew that society would fully support her and condemn Carlotta, yet he found Carlotta more intriguing. He wished he could have both without any complications. Then everything would be perfect. That’s what he thought.
CHAPTER XXVI
The situation which here presented itself was subject to no such gracious and generous development. Angela was the soul of watchfulness, insistence on duty, consideration for right conduct and for the privileges, opportunities and emoluments which belonged to her as the wife of a talented artist, temporarily disabled, it is true, but certain to be distinguished in the future. She was deluding herself that this recent experience of reverses had probably hardened and sharpened Eugene's practical instincts, made him less indifferent to the necessity of looking out for himself, given him keener instincts of self-protection and economy. He had done very well to live on so little she thought, but they were going to do better—they were going to save. She was going to give up those silly dreams she had entertained of a magnificent studio and hosts of friends, and she was going to start now saving a fraction of whatever they made, however small it might be, if it were only ten cents a week. If Eugene could only make nine dollars a week by working every day, they were going to live on that. He still had ninety-seven of the hundred dollars he had brought with him, he told her, and this was going in the bank. He did not tell her of the sale of one of his pictures and of the subsequent dissipation of the proceeds. In the bank, too, they were going to put any money from subsequent sales until he was on his feet again. One of these days if they ever made any money, they were going to buy a house somewhere in which they could live without paying rent. Some of the money in the bank, a very little of it, might go for clothes if worst came to worst, but it would not be touched unless it was absolutely necessary. She needed clothes now, but that did not matter. To Eugene's ninety-seven was added Angela's two hundred and twenty-eight which she brought with her, and this total sum of three hundred and twenty-five dollars was promptly deposited in the Bank of Riverwood.
The situation they found themselves in was not headed for any kind of smooth or generous resolution. Angela was extremely vigilant, focused on duty, mindful of proper behavior, and aware of the privileges, chances, and benefits that came with being the wife of a talented artist—temporarily out of commission, yes, but sure to achieve recognition in the future. She was fooling herself into thinking that this recent setback had likely toughened and sharpened Eugene's practical instincts, making him less indifferent to taking care of himself and giving him a sharper sense of self-preservation and frugality. She thought he had done well to live on so little, but they were going to do even better—they would save. She was going to let go of the silly dreams she had of a lavish studio and a crowd of friends, and she was going to start saving a small portion of whatever they earned, no matter how little it was, even if it was just ten cents a week. If Eugene could manage to make nine dollars a week by working every day, they would live on that. He still had ninety-seven of the hundred dollars he had brought with him, he told her, and that was going into the bank. He didn’t mention the sale of one of his paintings and how he had spent the earnings afterward. They were also going to deposit any money from future sales into the bank until he got back on his feet. One day, if they ever made enough money, they planned to buy a house where they could live without paying rent. Some of the money in the bank, a tiny amount, could go toward clothes if it came down to it, but it wouldn’t be touched unless absolutely necessary. She needed clothes now, but that didn’t really matter. On top of Eugene’s ninety-seven, they added Angela’s two hundred and twenty-eight that she had brought with her, making a total of three hundred and twenty-five dollars, which was promptly deposited in the Bank of Riverwood.
Angela by personal energy and explanation found four rooms in the house of a furniture manufacturer; it had been vacated by a daughter who had married, and they were glad to let it to an artist and his wife for practically nothing so far as real worth was concerned, for this was a private house in a lovely lawn. Twelve dollars per month was the charge. Mrs. Witla seemed very charming to Mrs. Desenas, who was the wife of [Pg 364] the manufacturer, and for her especial benefit a little bedroom on the second floor adjoining a bath was turned into a kitchen, with a small gas stove, and Angela at once began housekeeping operations on the tiny basis necessitated by their income. Some furniture had to be secured, for the room was not completely furnished, but Angela by haunting the second-hand stores in New York, looking through all the department stores, and visiting certain private sales, managed to find a few things which she could buy cheaply and which would fit in with the dressing table, library table, dining table and one bed which were already provided. The necessary curtains for the bath and kitchen windows she cut, decorated and hung for herself. She went down to the storage company where the unsold and undisplayed portion of Eugene's pictures were and brought back seven, which she placed in the general living-room and dining-room. All Eugene's clothes, his underwear and socks particularly, received her immediate attention, and she soon had his rather attenuated wardrobe in good condition. From the local market she bought good vegetables and a little meat and made delightful stews, ragouts, combinations of eggs and tasty meat juices after the French fashion. All her housekeeping art was employed to the utmost to make everything look clean and neat, to maintain a bountiful supply of varied food on the table and yet to keep the cost down, so that they could not only live on nine dollars a week, but set aside a dollar or more of that for what Angela called their private bank account. She had a little hollow brown jug, calculated to hold fifteen dollars in change, which could be opened when full, which she conscientiously endeavored to fill and refill. Her one desire was to rehabilitate her husband in the eyes of the world—this time to stay—and she was determined to do it.
Angela, with her energy and communication skills, found four rooms in the home of a furniture maker. The space had been vacated by a daughter who had married, and they were happy to rent it to an artist and his wife for practically nothing in terms of real value, since it was a private home with a lovely yard. The rent was twelve dollars a month. Mrs. Witla seemed very charming to Mrs. Desenas, the wife of the manufacturer, and to benefit her, a small bedroom on the second floor next to a bathroom was converted into a kitchen, complete with a small gas stove. Angela quickly started housekeeping with their limited income. Some furniture was needed since the room wasn’t fully furnished, but Angela, by frequenting second-hand stores in New York, browsing through department stores, and attending specific private sales, managed to find a few affordable pieces that matched the dressing table, library table, dining table, and one bed already provided. She made and hung the necessary curtains for the bathroom and kitchen windows herself. She went down to the storage company where Eugene's unsold and undisplayed artworks were kept and brought back seven pieces, which she placed in the main living room and dining area. She immediately tended to all of Eugene's clothes, especially his underwear and socks, and soon had his rather meager wardrobe in good shape. From the local market, she bought fresh vegetables and some meat, preparing wonderful stews, ragouts, and egg dishes with flavorful meat juices in the French style. She utilized all her homemaking skills to keep everything clean and tidy, ensure a diverse supply of food on the table, and still keep costs down, allowing them to live on nine dollars a week while saving a dollar or more for what Angela called their private bank account. She owned a little hollow brown jug designed to hold fifteen dollars in change, which could be opened when full, and she dedicated herself to filling and refilling it. Her sole aim was to restore her husband’s reputation in the eyes of the world—to stay this time—and she was determined to make it happen.
For another thing, reflection and conversation with one person and another had taught her that it was not well for herself or for Eugene for her to encourage him in his animal passions. Some woman in Blackwood had pointed out a local case of locomotor-ataxia which had resulted from lack of self-control, and she had learned that it was believed that many other nervous troubles sprang from the same source. Perhaps Eugene's had. She had resolved to protect him from himself. She did not believe she could be injured, but Eugene was so sensitive, so emotional.
For another thing, thinking things over and talking with different people had made her realize that it wasn't good for her or for Eugene to encourage him in his animal instincts. A woman in Blackwood had mentioned a local case of locomotor ataxia that came from a lack of self-control, and she had learned that many other nervous issues were thought to come from the same cause. Maybe Eugene's problems were similar. She had decided to protect him from himself. She didn't think she could be hurt, but Eugene was so sensitive and emotional.
The trouble with the situation was that it was such a sharp change from his recent free and to him delightful mode of existence that it was almost painful. He could see that everything [Pg 365] appeared to be satisfactory to her, that she thought all his days had been moral and full of hard work. Carlotta's presence in the background was not suspected. Her idea was that they would work hard together now along simple, idealistic lines to the one end—success for him, and of course, by reflection, for her.
The problem with the situation was that it was such a drastic shift from his recent carefree and, to him, enjoyable way of life that it was almost painful. He could see that everything [Pg 365] seemed to satisfy her, that she believed all his days had been virtuous and filled with hard work. Carlotta's presence in the background went unnoticed. She thought they would work hard together now along simple, idealistic lines with one goal in mind—success for him, and naturally, by extension, for her.
Eugene saw the charm of it well enough, but it was only as something quite suitable for others. He was an artist. The common laws of existence could not reasonably apply to an artist. The latter should have intellectual freedom, the privilege of going where he pleased, associating with whom he chose. This marriage business was a galling yoke, cutting off all rational opportunity for enjoyment, and he was now after a brief period of freedom having that yoke heavily adjusted to his neck again. Gone were all the fine dreams of pleasure and happiness which so recently had been so real—the hope of living with Carlotta—the hope of associating with her on easy and natural terms in that superior world which she represented. Angela's insistence on the thought that he should work every day and bring home nine dollars a week, or rather its monthly equivalent, made it necessary for him to take sharp care of the little money he had kept out of the remainder of the three hundred in order to supply any deficiency which might occur from his taking time off. For there was no opportunity now of seeing Carlotta of an evening, and it was necessary to take a regular number of afternoons or mornings off each week, in order to meet her. He would leave the little apartment as usual at a quarter to seven in the morning, dressed suitably for possible out-door expeditions, for in anticipation of difficulty he had told Angela that it was his custom to do this, and sometimes he would go to the factory and sometimes he would not. There was a car line which carried him rapidly cityward to a rendezvous, and he would either ride or walk with her as the case might be. There was constant thought on his and her part of the risk involved, but still they persisted. By some stroke of ill or good fortune Norman Wilson returned from Chicago, so that Carlotta's movements had to be calculated to a nicety, but she did not care. She trusted most to the automobiles which she could hire at convenient garages and which would carry them rapidly away from the vicinity where they might be seen and recognized.
Eugene recognized the appeal of it, but only as something that suited others. He was an artist. The usual rules of life didn’t really apply to him. Artists deserved intellectual freedom, the right to go wherever they wanted, and to choose who they associated with. The whole marriage situation felt like a heavy burden, cutting off any real chance for enjoyment, and after a brief period of freedom, he was now feeling that burden tighten around his neck again. All those beautiful dreams of joy and happiness that had recently felt so real—the hope of living with Carlotta, the idea of connecting with her in a relaxed and natural way in the elevated world she represented—were gone. Angela's insistence that he work every day and bring home nine dollars a week, or its monthly equivalent, meant he had to be very careful with the little money he had saved from the remainder of the three hundred to cover any shortfall arising from taking time off. Now, he had no chance to see Carlotta in the evenings, and he needed to set aside a regular number of afternoons or mornings each week to meet her. He left the small apartment as usual at a quarter to seven in the morning, dressed appropriately for possible outdoor adventures. Anticipating some difficulties, he had told Angela that this was his routine, sometimes going to the factory and sometimes not. There was a streetcar line that took him quickly toward the city for a meeting point, and he would either ride or walk with her, depending on the situation. They both constantly thought about the risks involved, but still, they went ahead. By some twist of fate, Norman Wilson returned from Chicago, so Carlotta's movements had to be planned precisely, but she didn’t mind. She mostly relied on the cars she could hire from nearby garages to whisk them quickly away from places where they might be seen and recognized.
It was a tangled life, difficult and dangerous. There was no peace in it, for there is neither peace nor happiness in deception. A burning joy at one time was invariably followed by a disturbing remorse afterward. There was Carlotta's mother, Norman [Pg 366] Wilson, and Angela, to guard against, to say nothing of the constant pricking of his own conscience.
It was a complicated life, tough and risky. There was no peace in it because there's neither peace nor happiness in lies. A feeling of intense joy at one moment was always followed by a troubling guilt later on. There was Carlotta's mom, Norman [Pg 366] Wilson, and Angela to watch out for, not to mention the constant nagging of his own conscience.
It is almost a foregone conclusion in any situation of this kind that it cannot endure. The seed of its undoing is in itself. We think that our actions when unseen of mortal eyes resolve themselves into nothingness, but this is not true. They are woven indefinably into our being, and shine forth ultimately as the real self, in spite of all our pretences. One could almost accept the Brahmanistic dogma of a psychic body which sees and is seen where we dream all to be darkness. There is no other supposition on which to explain the facts of intuition. So many individuals have it. They know so well without knowing why they know.
It’s almost a given in any situation like this that it won’t last. The seeds of its downfall are already within it. We think that our actions, when they aren’t seen by anyone, fade away into nothingness, but that’s not true. They become intricately woven into who we are and ultimately shine through as our true selves, despite all our facades. One could almost accept the idea of a psychic body that perceives and is perceived, even when we think everything is just darkness. There’s no other explanation for the facts of intuition. So many people experience it. They just instinctively know things without figuring out how they know them.
Angela had this intuitive power in connection with Eugene. Because of her great affection for him she divined or apprehended many things in connection with him long before they occurred. Throughout her absence from him she had been haunted by the idea that she ought to be with him, and now that she was here and the first excitement of contact and adjustment was over, she was beginning to be aware of something. Eugene was not the same as he had been a little while before he had left her. His attitude, in spite of a kindly show of affection, was distant and preoccupied. He had no real power of concealing anything. He appeared at times—at most times when he was with her—to be lost in a mist of speculation. He was lonely and a little love-sick, because under the pressure of home affairs Carlotta was not able to see him quite so much. At the same time, now that the fall was coming on, he was growing weary of the shop at Speonk, for the gray days and slight chill which settled upon the earth at times caused the shop windows to be closed and robbed the yard of that air of romance which had characterized it when he first came there. He could not take his way of an evening along the banks of the stream to the arms of Carlotta. The novelty of Big John and Joseph Mews and Malachi Dempsey and Little Suddsy had worn off. He was beginning now to see also that they were nothing but plain workingmen after all, worrying over the fact that they were not getting more than fifteen or seventeen and a half cents an hour; jealous of each other and their superiors, full of all the frailties and weaknesses to which the flesh is heir.
Angela had this intuitive connection with Eugene. Because of her deep feelings for him, she sensed many things about him long before they happened. During her time away from him, she couldn’t shake the feeling that she needed to be with him, and now that she was finally here and the initial excitement of reuniting had faded, she was starting to notice something. Eugene wasn’t the same as he had been just before leaving her. His demeanor, despite a friendly show of affection, felt distant and preoccupied. He couldn’t hide his feelings at all. Most of the time he seemed lost in thought when he was with her. He was lonely and a bit lovesick, as Carlotta was unable to see him as often due to family matters. At the same time, with autumn approaching, he was growing tired of the shop at Speonk; the gray days and slight chill made him want to close the shop windows and robbed the yard of the charm it had when he first arrived. He couldn’t stroll along the stream to meet Carlotta in the evenings anymore. The excitement around Big John, Joseph Mews, Malachi Dempsey, and Little Suddsy had worn off. He also began to realize they were just regular working men, stressing over their low wages of fifteen to seventeen and a half cents an hour; envious of each other and their bosses, filled with all the flaws and weaknesses that come with being human.
His coming had created a slight diversion for them, for he was very strange, but his strangeness was no longer a novelty. They were beginning to see him also as a relatively commonplace human being. He was an artist, to be sure, but his actions and [Pg 367] intentions were not so vastly different from those of other men.
His arrival had provided a small distraction for them because he was quite unusual, but his oddness was no longer new. They were starting to view him as just another ordinary person. He was an artist, of course, but his actions and intentions weren't so different from those of other men. [Pg 367]
A shop of this kind, like any other institution where people are compelled by force of circumstances to work together whether the weather be fair or foul, or the mood grave or gay, can readily become and frequently does become a veritable hell. Human nature is a subtle, irritable, irrational thing. It is not so much governed by rules of ethics and conditions of understanding as a thing of moods and temperament. Eugene could easily see, philosopher that he was, that these people would come here enveloped in some mist of home trouble or secret illness or grief and would conceive that somehow it was not their state of mind but the things around them which were the cause of all their woe. Sour looks would breed sour looks in return; a gruff question would beget a gruff answer; there were long-standing grudges between one man and another, based on nothing more than a grouchy observation at one time in the past. He thought by introducing gaiety and persistent, if make-believe, geniality that he was tending to obviate and overcome the general condition, but this was only relatively true. His own gaiety was capable of becoming as much of a weariness to those who were out of the spirit of it, as was the sour brutality with which at times he was compelled to contend. So he wished that he might arrange to get well and get out of here, or at least change his form of work, for it was plain to be seen that this condition would not readily improve. His presence was a commonplace. His power to entertain and charm was practically gone.
A shop like this one, just like any other place where people have to work together no matter the weather or their mood, can easily turn into a real nightmare. Human nature is complicated, touchy, and often irrational. It’s driven more by feelings and temperament than by ethics or logic. Eugene, being the thinker he was, could see that these people would come in carrying some burden of home issues, illness, or grief, convinced that it wasn’t their mindset causing their troubles, but rather their surroundings. Gloomy expressions would lead to more gloomy expressions; a harsh question would get a harsh answer; old grudges would simmer between people, often stemming from nothing more than a cranky remark made long ago. He thought that by bringing in cheerfulness and ongoing, albeit fake, friendliness, he could help ease the overall mood, but that was only partially true. His own cheer could become just as tiring for those not in the right spirit as the harshness he sometimes had to deal with. So he hoped to find a way to get better and leave, or at least switch up his work, since it was clear this situation wasn’t likely to improve anytime soon. He felt ordinary and his ability to entertain and charm was nearly gone.
This situation, coupled with Angela's spirit of honest conservatism was bad, but it was destined to be much worse. From watching him and endeavoring to decipher his moods, Angela came to suspect something—she could not say what. He did not love her as much as he had. There was a coolness in his caresses which was not there when he left her. What could have happened, she asked herself. Was it just absence, or what? One day when he had returned from an afternoon's outing with Carlotta and was holding her in his arms in greeting, she asked him solemnly:
This situation, combined with Angela's straightforward conservatism, was bad, but it was about to get a lot worse. By observing him and trying to understand his moods, Angela started to sense something—though she couldn't pinpoint what it was. He didn't love her as much as he once did. There was a distance in his embraces that hadn't been there when he left her. What could have happened, she wondered. Was it just the time apart, or something else? One day, after he returned from an afternoon out with Carlotta and was holding her in his arms for a greeting, she asked him earnestly:
"Do you love me, Honeybun?"
"Do you love me, babe?"
"You know I do," he asseverated, but without any energy, for he could not regain his old original feeling for her. There was no trace of it, only sympathy, pity, and a kind of sorrow that she was being so badly treated after all her efforts.
"You know I do," he affirmed, but without any enthusiasm, as he couldn't get back his old feelings for her. There was no hint of it, just sympathy, pity, and a sort of sadness that she was being treated so poorly after all her efforts.
"No, you don't," she replied, detecting the hollow ring in what he said. Her voice was sad, and her eyes showed traces [Pg 368] of that wistful despair into which she could so readily sink at times.
"No, you don't," she replied, sensing the emptiness in what he said. Her voice was sad, and her eyes reflected that wistful despair she could easily fall into at times. [Pg 368]
"Why, yes I do, Angelface," he insisted. "What makes you ask? What's come over you?" He was wondering whether she had heard anything or seen anything and was concealing her knowledge behind this preliminary inquiry.
"Of course I do, Angelface," he insisted. "What makes you ask? What's going on with you?" He was curious if she had heard or seen something and was hiding what she knew behind this initial question.
"Nothing," she replied. "Only you don't love me. I don't know what it is. I don't know why. But I can feel it right here," and she laid her hand on her heart.
"Nothing," she said. "It's just that you don’t love me. I don’t know what it is. I don’t know why. But I can feel it right here," and she placed her hand on her heart.
The action was sincere, unstudied. It hurt him, for it was like that of a little child.
The action was genuine and spontaneous. It hurt him because it was like that of a little child.
"Oh, hush! Don't say that," he pleaded. "You know I do. Don't look so gloomy. I love you—don't you know I do?" and he kissed her.
"Oh, come on! Don’t say that," he urged. "You know I do. Don’t look so down. I love you—don’t you get that?" and he kissed her.
"No, no!" said Angela. "I know! You don't. Oh, dear; oh, dear; I feel so bad!"
"No, no!" said Angela. "I know! You don't. Oh no; oh no; I feel so terrible!"
Eugene was dreading another display of the hysteria with which he was familiar, but it did not come. She conquered her mood, inasmuch as she had no real basis for suspicion, and went about the work of getting him his dinner. She was depressed, though, and he was fearful. What if she should ever find out!
Eugene was dreading another outburst of the drama he knew so well, but it didn't happen. She managed to overcome her feelings, since she had no real reason to be suspicious, and started preparing dinner for him. However, she was still feeling down, and he was anxious. What if she ever found out!
More days passed. Carlotta called him up at the shop occasionally, for there was no phone where he lived, and she would not have risked it if there had been. She sent him registered notes to be signed for, addressed to Henry Kingsland and directed to the post office at Speonk. Eugene was not known there as Witla and easily secured these missives, which were usually very guarded in their expressions and concerned appointments—the vaguest, most mysterious directions, which he understood. They made arrangements largely from meeting to meeting, saying, "If I can't keep it Thursday at two it will be Friday at the same time; and if not then, Saturday. If anything happens I'll send you a registered special." So it went on.
More days went by. Carlotta occasionally called him at the shop since he didn't have a phone where he lived, and she wouldn't have taken the chance even if he did. She sent him registered letters that needed to be signed, addressed to Henry Kingsland and directed to the post office in Speonk. Eugene wasn't known there as Witla, so he easily got these messages, which were usually very cautious in their wording and dealt with appointments—the most vague and mysterious instructions, which he understood. They mainly arranged things from meeting to meeting, saying, "If I can't make it Thursday at two, it will be Friday at the same time; and if not then, Saturday. If anything comes up, I'll send you a registered special." And so it continued.
One noontime Eugene walked down to the little post office at Speonk to look for a letter, for Carlotta had not been able to meet him the previous day and had phoned instead that she would write the following day. He found it safely enough, and after glancing at it—it contained but few words—decided to tear it up as usual and throw the pieces away. A mere expression, "Ashes of Roses," which she sometimes used to designate herself, and the superscription, "Oh, Genie!" made it, however, inexpressibly dear to him. He thought he would hold it in his possession just a little while—a few hours longer. It [Pg 369] was enigmatic enough to anyone but himself, he thought, even if found. "The bridge, two, Wednesday." The bridge referred to was one over the Harlem at Morris Heights. He kept the appointment that day as requested, but by some necromancy of fate he forgot the letter until he was within his own door. Then he took it out, tore it up into four or five pieces quickly, put it in his vest pocket, and went upstairs intending at the first opportunity to dispose of it.
One afternoon, Eugene walked down to the small post office in Speonk to check for a letter. Carlotta hadn’t been able to meet him the day before and had called to say she would write the next day. He found it without much trouble, and after a quick glance at it — it had only a few words — he decided to tear it up as usual and toss the pieces away. Just a simple phrase, "Ashes of Roses," which she sometimes used to refer to herself, along with the salutation, "Oh, Genie!" made it incredibly precious to him. He thought he would keep it for a little while longer — just a few hours. It was mysterious enough to anyone else who might find it, he thought. "The bridge, two, Wednesday." The bridge she mentioned was one over the Harlem at Morris Heights. He kept the appointment that day as planned, but by some twist of fate, he forgot about the letter until he was at his own door. Then he quickly took it out, tore it into four or five pieces, shoved it in his vest pocket, and went upstairs, planning to get rid of it at the first chance he had.
Meanwhile, Angela, for the first time since they had been living at Riverwood, had decided to walk over toward the factory about six o'clock and meet Eugene on his way home. She heard him discourse on the loveliness of this stream and what a pleasure it was to stroll along its banks morning and evening. He was so fond of the smooth water and the overhanging leaves! She had walked with him there already on several Sundays. When she went this evening she thought what a pleasant surprise it would be for him, for she had prepared everything on leaving so that his supper would not be delayed when they reached home. She heard the whistle blow as she neared the shop, and, standing behind a clump of bushes on the thither side of the stream, she waited, expecting to pounce out on Eugene with a loving "Boo!" He did not come.
Meanwhile, Angela, for the first time since they had been living at Riverwood, decided to walk over to the factory around six o'clock to meet Eugene on his way home. She listened to him talk about how beautiful the stream was and how nice it was to stroll along its banks morning and evening. He really loved the calm water and the trees hanging overhead! She had already walked with him there on several Sundays. As she went this evening, she thought about how great of a surprise it would be for him since she had prepared everything before leaving so that dinner wouldn’t be delayed when they got home. She heard the whistle blow as she got close to the shop and, hiding behind a cluster of bushes on the other side of the stream, she waited, planning to jump out at Eugene with a loving "Boo!" He didn’t show up.
The forty or fifty men who worked here trickled out like a little stream of black ants, and then, Eugene not appearing, Angela went over to the gate which Joseph Mews in the official capacity of gateman, after the whistle blew, was closing.
The forty or fifty men who worked here filtered out like a small stream of black ants, and then, since Eugene didn't show up, Angela walked over to the gate that Joseph Mews, in his official role as the gateman, was closing after the whistle blew.
"Is Mr. Witla here?" asked Angela, peering through the bars at him. Eugene had described Joseph so accurately to her that she recognized him at sight.
"Is Mr. Witla here?" Angela asked, looking through the bars at him. Eugene had described Joseph to her so well that she recognized him right away.
"No, ma'am," replied Joseph, quite taken back by this attractive arrival, for good-looking women were not common at the shop gate of the factory. "He left four or five hours ago. I think he left at one o'clock, if I remember right. He wasn't working with us today. He was working out in the yard."
"No, ma'am," Joseph replied, clearly surprised by this attractive woman, since good-looking women weren't usually seen at the factory gate. "He left about four or five hours ago. I think he left around one o'clock, if I remember correctly. He wasn't working with us today. He was out in the yard."
"You don't know where he went, do you?" asked Angela, who was surprised at this novel information. Eugene had not said anything about going anywhere. Where could he have gone?
"You have no idea where he went, right?" Angela asked, surprised by this new info. Eugene hadn't mentioned anything about going anywhere. Where could he have gone?
"No'm, I don't," replied Joseph volubly. "He sometimes goes off this way—quite frequent, ma'am. His wife calls him up—er—now, maybe you're his wife."
"No, ma'am, I don't," Joseph replied eagerly. "He sometimes heads off this way—pretty often, ma'am. His wife calls him up—uh—now, maybe you're his wife."
"I am," said Angela; but she was no longer thinking of what she was saying, her words on the instant were becoming mechanical. Eugene going away frequently? He had never said anything to her! His wife calling him up! Could there be [Pg 370] another woman! Instantly all her old suspicions, jealousies, fears, awoke, and she was wondering why she had not fixed on this fact before. That explained Eugene's indifference, of course. That explained his air of abstraction. He wasn't thinking of her, the miserable creature! He was thinking of someone else. Still she could not be sure, for she had no proof. Two adroit questions elicited the fact that no one in the shop had ever seen his wife. He had just gone out. A woman had called up.
"I am," said Angela; but she wasn't really focused on what she was saying; her words were becoming automatic. Eugene going away often? He had never mentioned anything to her! His wife calling him? Could there be [Pg 370] another woman? Suddenly, all her old suspicions, jealousies, and fears came rushing back, and she wondered why she hadn't thought of this before. That explained Eugene's indifference, for sure. That explained his distracted attitude. He wasn't thinking about her, the poor thing! He was thinking about someone else. Yet she couldn't be sure, since she had no proof. Two clever questions revealed that no one in the shop had ever seen his wife. He had just stepped out. A woman had called.
Angela took her way home amid a whirling fire of conjecture. When she reached it Eugene was not there yet, for he sometimes delayed his coming, lingering, as he said, to look at the water. It was natural enough in an artist. She went upstairs and hung the broad-brimmed straw she had worn in the closet, and went into the kitchen to await his coming. Experience with him and the nature of her own temperament determined her to enact a rôle of subtlety. She would wait until he spoke, pretending that she had not been out. She would ask whether he had had a hard day, and see whether he disclosed the fact that he had been away from the factory. That would show her positively what he was doing and whether he was deliberately deceiving her.
Angela made her way home, surrounded by a whirlwind of thoughts. When she arrived, Eugene wasn't there yet; he sometimes took his time getting home, saying he was stopping to admire the water. It was understandable for an artist. She went upstairs, hung up the wide-brimmed straw hat she had worn, and headed into the kitchen to wait for him. Her experience with him and her own temperament motivated her to adopt a subtle approach. She decided she would wait for him to speak first, pretending she hadn't been out. She would ask if he had a tough day and see if he admitted to being away from the factory. That would clearly indicate what he was up to and whether he was intentionally misleading her.
Eugene came up the stairs, gay enough but anxious to deposit the scraps of paper where they would not be seen. No opportunity came for Angela was there to greet him.
Eugene walked up the stairs, cheerful but eager to hide the scraps of paper where they wouldn’t be noticed. He didn’t get a chance, as Angela was there to greet him.
"Did you have a hard job today?" she asked, noting that he made no preliminary announcement of any absence.
"Did you have a tough day at work?" she asked, noticing that he hadn't mentioned anything about being absent.
"Not very," he replied; "no. I don't look tired?"
"Not really," he replied; "do I look tired?"
"No," she said bitterly, but concealing her feelings; she wanted to see how thoroughly and deliberately he would lie. "But I thought maybe you might have. Did you stop to look at the water tonight?"
"No," she said bitterly, hiding her true feelings; she wanted to see just how thoroughly and deliberately he would lie. "But I thought maybe you might have. Did you take a moment to look at the water tonight?"
"Yes," he replied smoothly. "It's very lovely over there. I never get tired of it. The sun on the leaves these days now that they are turning yellow is so beautiful. They look a little like stained glass at certain angles."
"Yeah," he answered smoothly. "It's really lovely over there. I never get bored of it. The sun on the leaves these days, now that they're turning yellow, is so beautiful. At certain angles, they look a bit like stained glass."
Her first impulse after hearing this was to exclaim, "Why do you lie to me, Eugene?" for her temper was fiery, almost uncontrollable at times; but she restrained herself. She wanted to find out more—how she did not know, but time, if she could only wait a little, would help her. Eugene went to the bath, congratulating himself on the ease of his escape—the comfortable fact that he was not catechised very much; but in this temporary feeling of satisfaction he forgot the scraps of paper in his [Pg 371] vest pocket—though not for long. He hung his coat and vest on a hook and started into the bedroom to get himself a fresh collar and tie. While he was in there Angela passed the bathroom door. She was always interested in Eugene's clothes, how they were wearing, but tonight there were other thoughts in her mind. Hastily and by intuition she went through his pockets, finding the torn scraps, then for excuse took his coat and vest down to clean certain spots. At the same moment Eugene thought of his letter. He came hurrying out to get it, or the pieces, rather, but Angela already had them and was looking at them curiously.
Her first reaction after hearing this was to shout, "Why are you lying to me, Eugene?" because her temper was fiery and almost uncontrollable at times; but she held back. She wanted to learn more—how, she didn’t know, but time, if she could just wait a little, would reveal it. Eugene went to the bathroom, feeling proud of his easy escape—the reassuring fact that he wasn’t interrogated too much; but in this moment of satisfaction, he forgot about the scraps of paper in his [Pg 371] vest pocket—though not for long. He hung his coat and vest on a hook and headed into the bedroom to grab a fresh collar and tie. While he was in there, Angela passed by the bathroom door. She was always interested in Eugene's clothes and how they were holding up, but tonight she had other things on her mind. Quickly and instinctively, she went through his pockets, finding the torn scraps, then as an excuse, took his coat and vest down to clean some spots. At that moment, Eugene remembered his letter. He rushed out to get it, or rather, the pieces, but Angela already had them and was looking at them with curiosity.
"What was that?" she asked, all her suspicious nature on the qui vive for additional proof. Why should he keep the torn fragments of a letter in his pocket? For days she had had a psychic sense of something impending. Everything about him seemed strangely to call for investigation. Now it was all coming out.
"What was that?" she asked, her suspicious nature on high alert for more evidence. Why would he keep the torn pieces of a letter in his pocket? For days, she had felt something was about to happen. Everything about him seemed particularly mysterious and needed to be looked into. Now it was all being revealed.
"Nothing," he said nervously. "A memorandum. Throw it in the paper box."
"Nothing," he said anxiously. "A memo. Just toss it in the recycling bin."
Angela noted the peculiarity of his voice and manner. She was taken by the guilty expression of his eyes. Something was wrong. It concerned these scraps of paper. Maybe it was in these she would be able to read the riddle of his conduct. The woman's name might be in here. Like a flash it came to her that she might piece these scraps together, but there was another thought equally swift which urged her to pretend indifference. That might help her. Pretend now and she would know more later. She threw them in the paper box, thinking to piece them together at her leisure. Eugene noted her hesitation, her suspicion. He was afraid she would do something, what he could not guess. He breathed more easily when the papers fluttered into the practically empty box, but he was nervous. If they were only burned! He did not think she would attempt to put them together, but he was afraid. He would have given anything if his sense of romance had not led him into this trap.
Angela noticed the weirdness of his voice and behavior. She was struck by the guilty look in his eyes. Something was off. It had to do with those scraps of paper. Maybe within them, she'd figure out the mystery of his actions. The woman’s name could be among them. Suddenly, she realized she could piece the scraps together, but another thought quickly followed, urging her to act indifferent. That might work to her advantage. If she acted now, she could learn more later. She tossed them into the paper box, planning to assemble them when she had the time. Eugene noticed her hesitation and suspicion. He was worried she would do something, although he couldn't predict what. He felt a bit relieved when the papers floated into the nearly empty box, but he was still anxious. If only they were burned! He didn’t think she would try to piece them together, but he was still scared. He would have given anything for his romantic ideals not to have led him into this mess.
CHAPTER XXVII
Angela was quick to act upon her thought. No sooner had Eugene entered the bath than she gathered up the pieces, threw other bits of paper like them in their place and tried quickly to piece them together on the ironing board where she was. It was not difficult; the scraps were not small. On one triangular bit were the words, "Oh, Genie!" with a colon after it; on another the words, "The bridge," and on another "Roses." There was no doubt in her mind from this preliminary survey that this was a love note, and every nerve in her body tingled to the terrible import of it. Could it really be true? Could Eugene have found someone else? Was this the cause of his coolness and his hypocritical pretence of affection? and of his not wanting her to come to him? Oh, God! Would her sufferings never cease! She hurried into the front room, her face white, her hand clenching the tell-tale bits, and there set to work to complete her task. It did not take her long. In four minutes it was all together, and then she saw it all. A love note! From some demon of a woman. No doubt of it! Some mysterious woman in the background. "Ashes of Roses!" Now God curse her for a siren, a love thief, a hypnotizing snake, fascinating men with her evil eyes. And Eugene! The dog! The scoundrel! The vile coward! The traitor! Was there no decency, no morality, no kindness, no gratitude in his soul? After all her patience, all her suffering, all her loneliness, her poverty. To treat her like this! Writing that he was sick and lonely and unable to have her with him, and at the same time running around with a strange woman. "Ashes of Roses!" Oh, curses, curses, curses on her harlot's heart and brain! Might God strike her dead for her cynical, brutal seizing upon that sacred possession which belonged to another. She wrung her hands desperately.
Angela quickly acted on her thought. No sooner had Eugene entered the bath than she picked up the pieces, threw similar bits of paper in their place, and tried to put them together on the ironing board where she was. It wasn't difficult; the scraps were not small. On one triangular piece were the words, "Oh, Genie!" followed by a colon; on another, the words "The bridge," and on another, "Roses." From this initial glance, she had no doubt this was a love note, and every nerve in her body tingled with the terrible realization of it. Could it really be true? Could Eugene have found someone else? Was this the reason for his coldness and his fake display of affection? And why he didn’t want her to come to him? Oh, God! Would her suffering never end? She rushed into the front room, her face pale, her hand clenched around the incriminating bits, and began to finish her task. It didn't take her long. In four minutes, it was all together, and then she saw the whole picture. A love note! From some devious woman. No doubt about it! Some mysterious woman lurking in the background. "Ashes of Roses!" Now God curse her for being a seductress, a love thief, a hypnotizing snake, captivating men with her wicked eyes. And Eugene! The jerk! The scoundrel! The vile coward! The traitor! Was there no decency, no morality, no kindness, no gratitude in his soul? After all her patience, all her suffering, all her loneliness, her poverty. To treat her like this! Writing that he was sick and lonely and could not have her with him, while at the same time running around with another woman. "Ashes of Roses!" Oh, curses, curses, curses on her harlot's heart and mind! May God strike her dead for her cynical, brutal taking of something sacred that belonged to another. She wrung her hands in desperation.
Angela was fairly beside herself. Through her dainty little head ran a foaming torrent of rage, hate, envy, sorrow, self-commiseration, brutal desire for revenge. If she could only get at this woman! If she could only denounce Eugene now to his face! If she could only find them together and kill them! How she would like to strike her on the mouth! How tear her hair and her eyes out! Something of the forest cat's cruel rage shone in her gleaming eyes as she thought of her, for if she could [Pg 373] have had Carlotta there alone she would have tortured her with hot irons, torn her tongue and teeth from their roots, beaten her into insensibility and an unrecognizable mass. She was a real tigress now, her eyes gleaming, her red lips wet. She would kill her! kill her!! kill her!!! As God was judge, she would kill her if she could find her, and Eugene and herself. Yes, yes, she would. Better death than this agony of suffering. Better a thousand times to be dead with this beast of a woman dead beside her and Eugene than to suffer this way. She didn't deserve it. Why did God torture her so? Why was she made to bleed at every step by this her sacrificial love? Had she not been a good wife? Had she not laid every tribute of tenderness, patience, self-abnegation, self-sacrifice and virtue on the altar of love? What more could God ask? What more could man want? Had she not waited on Eugene in sickness and health? She had gone without clothes, gone without friends, hidden herself away in Blackwood the seven months while he was here frittering away his health and time in love and immorality, and what was her reward? In Chicago, in Tennessee, in Mississippi, had she not waited on him, sat up with him of nights, walked the floor with him when he was nervous, consoled him in his fear of poverty and failure, and here she was now, after seven long months of patient waiting and watching—eating her lonely heart out—forsaken. Oh, the inconceivable inhumanity of the human heart! To think anybody could be so vile, so low, so unkind, so cruel! To think that Eugene with his black eyes, his soft hair, his smiling face, could be so treacherous, so subtle, so dastardly! Could he really be as mean as this note proved him to be? Could he be as brutal, as selfish? Was she awake or asleep? Was this a dream? Ah, God! no, no it was not a dream. It was a cold, bitter, agonizing reality. And the cause of all her suffering was there in the bathroom now shaving himself.
Angela was completely overwhelmed. Her delicate little mind was racing with a mix of rage, hate, envy, sorrow, self-pity, and a brutal urge for revenge. If only she could get to this woman! If only she could confront Eugene now, face-to-face! If she could catch them together and kill them! How she longed to hit her in the mouth! To tear out her hair and eyes! A wild, feral rage flickered in her bright eyes at the thought of her, because if she could get Carlotta alone, she would have tortured her with hot irons, ripped her tongue and teeth from their roots, beaten her into a senseless, unrecognizable mess. She was like a tigress now, her eyes shining, her red lips moist. She would kill her! Kill her!! Kill her!!! As God was her witness, she would kill her if she could just find her, along with Eugene and herself. Yes, yes, she would. Better death than this unbearable suffering. A thousand times better to be dead with this wretched woman lying dead beside her and Eugene than to endure this agony. She didn’t deserve it. Why did God torture her so? Why was she forced to suffer at every turn because of this sacrificial love? Hadn’t she been a good wife? Hadn’t she given every ounce of tenderness, patience, selflessness, sacrifice, and virtue to the altar of love? What more could God ask for? What more could any man want? Hadn’t she cared for Eugene in sickness and health? She had gone without clothes, without friends, hidden away in Blackwood for seven months while he wasted away his health and time in love and immorality, and what was her reward? In Chicago, in Tennessee, in Mississippi, hadn’t she waited on him, stayed up with him at night, walked the floor with him when he was anxious, comforted him in his fears of poverty and failure? And here she was now, after seven long months of patient waiting and watching—dying inside—abandoned. Oh, the unimaginable cruelty of the human heart! To think anyone could be so vile, so low, so unkind, so cruel! To think that Eugene, with his dark eyes, soft hair, and smiling face, could be so treacherous, so cunning, so cowardly! Could he really be as awful as this note had shown him to be? Could he really be as brutal, as selfish? Was she awake or dreaming? Was this a nightmare? Oh God! No, no, it was not a dream. It was a cold, bitter, agonizing reality. And the source of all her pain was there in the bathroom right now, shaving himself.
For one moment she thought she would go in and strike him where he stood. She thought she could tear his heart out, cut him up, but then suddenly the picture of him bleeding and dead came to her and she recoiled. No, no, she could not do that! Oh, no, not Eugene—and yet and yet——
For a moment, she considered going in and hitting him where he stood. She imagined ripping his heart out, cutting him up, but then the image of him bleeding and dead flashed in her mind, and she flinched. No, no, she couldn't do that! Oh, no, not Eugene—and yet and yet——
"Oh, God, let me get my hands on that woman!" she said to herself. "Let me get my hands on her. I'll kill her, I'll kill her! I'll kill her!"
"Oh, God, just let me get my hands on that woman!" she said to herself. "Let me get my hands on her. I'll kill her, I'll kill her! I'll kill her!"
This torrent of fury and self-pity was still raging in her heart when the bathroom knob clicked and Eugene came out. He was in his undershirt, trousers and shoes, looking for a clean [Pg 374] white shirt. He was very nervous over the note which had been thrown in scraps into the box, but looking in the kitchen and seeing the pieces still there he was slightly reassured. Angela was not there; he could come back and get them when he found out where she was. He went on into the bedroom, looking into the front room as he did so. She appeared to be at the window waiting for him. After all, she was probably not as suspicious as he thought. It was his own imagination. He was too nervous and sensitive. Well, he would get those pieces now if he could and throw them out of the window. Angela should not have a chance to examine them if she wanted to. He slipped out into the kitchen, made a quick grab for the little heap, and sent the pieces flying. Then he felt much better. He would never bring another letter home from anybody, that was a certainty. Fate was too much against him.
This flood of anger and self-pity was still surging in her heart when the bathroom knob clicked and Eugene stepped out. He was in his undershirt, pants, and shoes, searching for a clean [Pg 374] white shirt. He felt anxious about the note that had been tossed into the box in pieces, but seeing those pieces still in the kitchen gave him a little relief. Angela wasn’t there; he could come back and grab them later when he figured out where she was. He moved into the bedroom, glancing into the front room as he went. She seemed to be at the window waiting for him. After all, maybe she wasn’t as suspicious as he’d thought. It was just his imagination. He was too anxious and sensitive. Well, he would grab those pieces now if he could and throw them out the window. Angela shouldn’t have the chance to examine them if she wanted to. He slipped into the kitchen, quickly grabbed the little pile, and sent the pieces flying. Suddenly, he felt much better. He was definitely never bringing another letter home from anyone. Fate was just too much against him.
Angela came out after a bit, for the click of the bathroom knob had sobered her a little. Her rage was high, her pulse abnormal, her whole being shaken to its roots, but still she realized that she must have time to think. She must see who this woman was first. She must have time to find her. Eugene mustn't know. Where was she now? Where was this bridge? Where did they meet? Where did she live? She wondered for the moment why she couldn't think it all out, why it didn't come to her in a flash, a revelation. If she could only know!
Angela stepped out after a moment, as the sound of the bathroom knob had brought her back to reality a little. Her anger was intense, her heart racing, and she felt completely shaken, but she realized she needed time to think. She had to find out who this woman was first. She needed time to locate her. Eugene couldn’t find out. Where was she now? Where was this bridge? Where did they meet? Where did she live? She wondered for a moment why she couldn’t figure it all out, why it didn’t come to her in a burst of insight, a sudden revelation. If only she could know!
In a few minutes Eugene came in, clean-shaven, smiling, his equanimity and peace of mind fairly well restored. The letter was gone. Angela could never know. She might suspect, but this possible burst of jealousy had been nipped in the bud. He came over toward her to put his arm round her, but she slipped away from him, pretending to need the sugar. He let this effort at love making go—the will for the deed, and sat down at the snow-white little table, set with tempting dishes and waited to be served. The day had been very pleasant, being early in October, and he was pleased to see a last lingering ray of light falling on some red and yellow leaves. This yard was very beautiful. This little flat, for all their poverty, very charming. Angela was neat and trim in a dainty house dress of mingled brown and green. A dark blue studio apron shielded her bosom and skirt. She was very pale and distraught-looking, but Eugene for the time was almost unconscious of it—he was so relieved.
In a few minutes, Eugene walked in, clean-shaven and smiling, his calm demeanor and peace of mind mostly restored. The letter was gone. Angela would never know. She might suspect, but that potential jealousy had been snuffed out early. He moved toward her to wrap his arm around her, but she dodged him, pretending to reach for the sugar. He let her attempt at affection slide—the desire was there—but sat down at the pristine little table set with tempting dishes and waited to be served. The day had been lovely, being early October, and he was happy to see one last lingering ray of light on some red and yellow leaves. This yard was beautiful. This little apartment, despite their struggles, was quite charming. Angela looked neat and tidy in a pretty house dress of mixed brown and green. A dark blue studio apron covered her chest and skirt. She appeared very pale and anxious, but Eugene was almost unaware of it—he was just so relieved.
"Are you very tired, Angela?" he finally asked sympathetically.
"Are you really tired, Angela?" he finally asked with sympathy.
"Yes, I'm not feeling so well today," she replied.
"Yeah, I'm not feeling great today," she replied.
"Oh, yes, and cleaning. I worked on the cupboard."
"Oh, yeah, and cleaning. I worked on the cabinet."
"You oughtn't to try to do so much," he said cheerfully. "You're not strong enough. You think you're a little horse, but you are only a colt. Better go slow, hadn't you?"
"You shouldn't try to do so much," he said cheerfully. "You're not strong enough. You think you're a little horse, but you're really just a colt. It's better to take it slow, don't you think?"
"I will after I get everything straightened out to suit me," she replied.
"I will once I get everything sorted out the way I want," she replied.
She was having the struggle of her life to conceal her real feelings. Never at any time had she undergone such an ordeal as this. Once in the studio, when she discovered those two letters, she thought she was suffering—but that, what was that to this? What were her suspicions concerning Frieda? What were the lonely longings at home, her grieving and worrying over his illness? Nothing, nothing! Now he was actually faithless to her. Now she had the evidence. This woman was here. She was somewhere in the immediate background. After these years of marriage and close companionship he was deceiving her. It was possible that he had been with this woman today, yesterday, the day before. The letter was not dated. Could it be that she was related to Mrs. Hibberdell? Eugene had said that there was a married daughter, but never that she was there. If she was there, why should he have moved? He wouldn't have. Was it the wife of the man he was last living with? No; she was too homely. Angela had seen her. Eugene would never associate with her. If she could only know! "Ashes of Roses!" The world went red before her eyes. There was no use bursting into a storm now, though. If she could only be calm it would be better. If she only had someone to talk to—if there were a minister or a bosom friend! She might go to a detective agency. They might help her. A detective could trace this woman and Eugene. Did she want to do this? It cost money. They were very poor now. Paugh! Why should she worry about their poverty, mending her dresses, going without hats, going without decent shoes, and he wasting his time and being upon some shameless strumpet! If he had money, he would spend it on her. Still, he had handed her almost all the money he had brought East with him intact. How was that?
She was struggling to hide her true feelings. She had never gone through anything like this before. Once in the studio, when she found those two letters, she thought she was suffering—but what was that compared to this? What were her suspicions about Frieda? What were the lonely feelings at home, her worry and grief over his illness? Nothing, nothing! Now he was actually betraying her. Now she had proof. This woman was here. She was somewhere close by. After all these years of marriage and being close to him, he was deceiving her. He could have been with this woman today, yesterday, or the day before. The letter wasn’t dated. Could it be that she was connected to Mrs. Hibberdell? Eugene had mentioned a married daughter, but never that she was around. If she was there, why would he have moved? He wouldn’t have. Was she the wife of the man he last lived with? No; she was too plain. Angela had seen her. Eugene would never associate with her. If only she knew! "Ashes of Roses!" The world turned red before her eyes. There was no point in getting upset now, though. If she could just stay calm, that would be better. If only she had someone to talk to—if only there was a minister or a close friend! She could go to a detective agency. They might help her. A detective could find this woman and Eugene. Did she want to do that? It would cost money. They were very poor now. Ugh! Why should she care about their poverty, mending her clothes, going without hats, going without decent shoes, while he wasted his time with some shameless woman! If he had money, he would spend it on her. Still, he had given her almost all the money he brought East with him. How was that?
All the time Eugene was sitting opposite her eating with fair heartiness. If the trouble about the letter had not come out so favorably he would have been without appetite, but now he felt at ease. Angela said she was not hungry and could not eat. She passed him the bread, the butter, the hashed brown potatoes, the tea, and he ate cheerfully.
All the while, Eugene sat across from her, eating with a good appetite. If the situation with the letter hadn't turned out so well, he would have lost his appetite, but now he felt relaxed. Angela said she wasn't hungry and couldn't eat. She handed him the bread, butter, hashed brown potatoes, and tea, and he enjoyed his meal.
[Pg 376] "I think I am going to try and get out of that shop over there," he volunteered affably.
[Pg 376] "I think I'm going to try to leave that shop over there," he said cheerfully.
"Why?" asked Angela mechanically.
"Why?" asked Angela, robotically.
"I'm tired of it. The men are not so interesting to me now. I'm tired of them. I think Mr. Haverford will transfer me if I write to him. He said he would. I'd rather be outside with some section gang if I could. It's going to be very dreary in the shop when they close it up."
"I'm sick of it. The guys just aren’t that interesting to me anymore. I'm fed up with them. I think Mr. Haverford will move me if I get in touch with him. He said he would. I’d rather be outside with a work crew if I could. It’s going to be pretty dull in the shop when they shut it down."
"Well, if you're tired you'd better," replied Angela. "Your mind needs diversion, I know that. Why don't you write to Mr. Haverford?"
"Well, if you're tired, you should," replied Angela. "I know your mind needs a break. Why don't you write to Mr. Haverford?"
"I will," he said, but he did not immediately. He went into the front room and lit the gas eventually, reading a paper, then a book, then yawning wearily. Angela came in after a time and sat down pale and tired. She went and secured a little workbasket in which were socks undarned and other odds and ends and began on those, but she revolted at the thought of doing anything for him and put them up. She got out a skirt of hers which she was making. Eugene watched her a little while lazily, his artistic eye measuring the various dimensions of her features. She had a well-balanced face, he finally concluded. He noted the effect of the light on her hair—the peculiar hue it gave it—and wondered if he could get that in oil. Night scenes were harder than those of full daylight. Shadows were so very treacherous. He got up finally.
"I will," he said, but he didn't do it right away. He went into the living room and eventually turned on the gas, reading a newspaper, then a book, and then yawning wearily. Angela came in after a while and sat down, looking pale and tired. She grabbed a small work basket that had some socks that needed darning and other odds and ends and started to work on them, but she felt put off by the idea of doing anything for him and set them aside. She took out a skirt she was making. Eugene watched her for a bit, lazily assessing the shapes of her features with his artistic eye. He concluded that she had a well-balanced face. He noticed how the light affected her hair—the unique color it gave—and wondered if he could capture that in oil paint. Night scenes were trickier than those in full daylight; the shadows could be very deceptive. He eventually got up.
"Well, I'm going to turn in," he said. "I'm tired. I have to get up at six. Oh, dear, this darn day labor business gives me a pain. I wish it were over."
"Well, I'm going to bed," he said. "I'm tired. I have to wake up at six. Oh man, this day labor stuff is really getting to me. I wish it would just end."
Angela did not trust herself to speak. She was so full of pain and despair that she thought if she spoke she would cry. He went out, saying: "Coming soon?" She nodded her head. When he was gone the storm burst and she broke into a blinding flood of tears. They were not only tears of sorrow, but of rage and helplessness. She went out on a little balcony which was there and cried alone, the night lights shining wistfully about. After the first storm she began to harden and dry up again, for helpless tears were foreign to her in a rage. She dried her eyes and became white-faced and desperate as before.
Angela didn't trust herself to speak. She was so overwhelmed with pain and despair that she feared if she spoke, she'd start crying. He left, asking, "Coming soon?" She nodded. Once he was gone, the storm hit, and she burst into a blinding flood of tears. These weren't just tears of sorrow, but also of rage and helplessness. She stepped out onto a small balcony and cried alone, the night lights shining softly around her. After the initial burst of tears, she began to harden and dry up again, as helpless tears felt foreign to her in her anger. She wiped her eyes and returned to being pale and desperate, just like before.
The dog, the scoundrel, the brute, the hound! she thought. How could she ever have loved him? How could she love him now? Oh, the horror of life, its injustice, its cruelty, its shame! That she should be dragged through the mire with a man like this. The pity of it! The shame! If this was art, death take it! And yet hate him as she might—hate this hellish man-trap [Pg 377] who signed herself "Ashes of Roses"—she loved him, too. She could not help it. She knew she loved him. Oh, to be crossed by two fevers like this! Why might she not die? Why not die, right now?
The dog, the scoundrel, the brute, the jerk! she thought. How could she have ever loved him? How could she love him now? Oh, the horror of life, its unfairness, its cruelty, its shame! That she should be dragged through the mud with a man like this. The misery of it! The disgrace! If this was art, then let death take it! And yet, no matter how much she hated him—hated this hellish man-trap [Pg 377] who called herself "Ashes of Roses"—she loved him too. She couldn't help it. She knew she loved him. Oh, to be tortured by two fevers like this! Why couldn't she just die? Why not die, right now?
CHAPTER XXVIII
The hells of love are bitter and complete. There were days after that when she watched him, followed him down the pleasant lane from the house to the water's edge, slipping out unceremoniously after he had gone not more than eight hundred feet. She watched the bridge at Riverwood at one and six, expecting that Eugene and his paramour might meet there. It just happened that Carlotta was compelled to leave town for ten days with her husband, and so Eugene was safe. On two occasions he went downtown—into the heart of the great city, anxious to get a breath of the old life that so fascinated him, and Angela followed him only to lose track of him quickly. He did nothing evil, however, merely walked, wondering what Miriam Finch and Christina Channing and Norma Whitmore were doing these days and what they were thinking of him in his long absence. Of all the people he had known, he had only seen Norma Whitmore once and that was not long after he returned to New York. He had given her a garbled explanation of his illness, stated that he was going to work now and proposed to come and see her. He did his best to avoid observation, however, for he dreaded explaining the reason of his non-productive condition. Miriam Finch was almost glad that he had failed, since he had treated her so badly. Christina Channing was in opera, as he quickly discovered, for he saw her name blazoned one day the following November in the newspapers. She was a star of whose talent great hopes were entertained, and was interested almost exclusively in her career. She was to sing in "Bohème" and "Rigoletto."
The pains of love are hard and all-consuming. There were days after that when she would watch him, following him down the nice path from the house to the water's edge, sneaking out quietly right after he had walked just about eight hundred feet. She kept an eye on the bridge at Riverwood at one and six, hoping that Eugene and his lover might meet there. It just so happened that Carlotta had to leave town for ten days with her husband, so Eugene was in the clear. Twice, he ventured downtown—into the heart of the big city, eager to catch a glimpse of the old life that fascinated him, and Angela followed him only to lose track of him fast. He didn’t do anything wrong, though; he just walked around, wondering what Miriam Finch, Christina Channing, and Norma Whitmore were up to these days and what they thought of him during his long absence. Of all the people he had met, he had only seen Norma Whitmore once, and that was not long after he got back to New York. He had given her a twisted explanation of his illness, mentioned that he was going to work now, and suggested that he would come and visit her. He did his best to stay unnoticed, though, because he hated explaining why he hadn’t been productive. Miriam Finch was almost glad that he hadn’t succeeded, since he had treated her so poorly. Christina Channing was in opera, as he quickly found out, when he saw her name in the newspapers one day the following November. She was a star with great expectations for her talent and was almost exclusively focused on her career. She was set to perform in "Bohème" and "Rigoletto."
Another thing, fortunate for Eugene at this time, was that he changed his work. There came to the shop one day an Irish foreman, Timothy Deegan, master of a score of "guineas," as he called the Italian day laborers who worked for him, who took Eugene's fancy greatly. He was of medium height, thick of body and neck, with a cheerful, healthy red face, a keen, twinkling gray eye, and stiff, closely cropped gray hair and mustache. He had come to lay the foundation for a small dynamo in the engine room at Speonk, which was to supply the plant with light in case of night work, and a car of his had been backed in, a tool car, full of boards, barrows, mortar [Pg 379] boards, picks and shovels. Eugene was amused and astonished at his insistent, defiant attitude and the brisk manner in which he was handing out orders to his men.
Another thing that was lucky for Eugene at this time was that he changed his job. One day, an Irish foreman named Timothy Deegan showed up at the shop. He called the Italian day laborers he managed "guineas," and Eugene took a strong liking to him. Deegan was of average height, stocky, with a cheerful, healthy red face, sharp, twinkling gray eyes, and stiff, closely cropped gray hair and mustache. He had come to lay the foundation for a small dynamo in the engine room at Speonk, which was meant to provide the plant with lighting for night shifts, and a tool car full of boards, wheelbarrows, mortar boards, picks, and shovels had been backed in. Eugene was both amused and astonished by Deegan's insistent, defiant attitude and the energetic way he handed out orders to his crew.
"Come, Matt! Come, Jimmie! Get the shovels now! Get the picks!" he heard him shout. "Bring some sand here! Bring some stone! Where's the cement now? Where's the cement? Jasus Christ! I must have some cement. What arre ye all doing? Hurry now, hurry! Bring the cement."
"Come on, Matt! Come on, Jimmie! Grab the shovels now! Get the picks!" he heard him shout. "Bring some sand here! Bring some stone! Where’s the cement now? Where’s the cement? Jesus Christ! I need some cement. What are you all doing? Hurry up, hurry! Bring the cement."
"Well, he knows how to give orders," commented Eugene to Big John, who was standing near. "He certainly does," replied the latter.
"Well, he knows how to give orders," Eugene commented to Big John, who was standing nearby. "He definitely does," Big John replied.
To himself Eugene observed, hearing only the calls at first, "the Irish brute." Later he discovered a subtle twinkle in Deegan's eyes as he stood brazenly in the door, looking defiantly about. There was no brutality in it, only self-confidence and a hearty Irish insistence on the necessity of the hour.
To himself, Eugene thought, only hearing the shouts at first, "the Irish brute." Later, he noticed a clever glint in Deegan's eyes as he stood boldly in the doorway, defiantly scanning his surroundings. There was no brutality in it, just self-confidence and a strong Irish belief in the importance of the moment.
"Well, you're a dandy!" commented Eugene boldly after a time, and laughed.
"Well, you're quite the character!" Eugene remarked confidently after a moment, and laughed.
"Ha! ha! ha!" mocked Deegan in return. "If you had to work as harred as these men you wouldn't laugh."
"Ha! Ha! Ha!" Deegan shot back mockingly. "If you had to work as hard as these guys, you wouldn't be laughing."
"I'm not laughing at them. I'm laughing at you," explained Eugene.
"I'm not laughing at them. I'm laughing at you," Eugene explained.
"Laugh," said Deegan. "Shure you're as funny to me as I am to you."
"Laugh," Deegan said. "Sure, you're as funny to me as I am to you."
Eugene laughed again. The Irishman agreed with himself that there was humor in it. He laughed too. Eugene patted his big rough shoulder with his hands and they were friends immediately. It did not take Deegan long to find out from Big John why he was there and what he was doing.
Eugene laughed again. The Irishman recognized that there was humor in it and laughed as well. Eugene patted his big, rough shoulder with his hands, and they became friends right away. It didn't take Deegan long to find out from Big John why he was there and what he was doing.
"An arrtist!" he commented. "Shewer he'd better be outside than in. The loikes of him packin' shavin's and him laughin' at me."
"An artist!" he said. "He'd better be outside than in. The likes of him carrying shavings and laughing at me."
Big John smiled.
Big John grinned.
"I believe he wants to get outside," he said.
"I think he wants to go outside," he said.
"Why don't he come with me, then? He'd have a foine time workin' with the guineas. Shewer 'twould make a man av him—a few months of that"—and he pointed to Angelo Esposito shoveling clay.
"Why doesn't he come with me, then? He'd have a great time working with the guys. Sure, it would really shape him up—just a few months of that"—and he pointed to Angelo Esposito shoveling clay.
Big John thought this worth reporting to Eugene. He did not think that he wanted to work with the guineas, but he might like to be with Deegan. Eugene saw his opportunity. He liked Deegan.
Big John thought it was worth telling Eugene about this. He didn’t think he wanted to work with the guineas, but he might enjoy being with Deegan. Eugene saw his chance. He liked Deegan.
"Would you like to have an artist who's looking for health come and work for you, Deegan?" Eugene asked genially. He [Pg 380] thought Deegan might refuse, but it didn't matter. It was worth the trial.
"Would you like to have an artist who's looking for health come and work for you, Deegan?" Eugene asked warmly. He [Pg 380] thought Deegan might say no, but it didn't matter. It was worth a try.
"Shewer!" replied the latter.
"Shower!" replied the latter.
"Will I have to work with the Italians?"
"Am I going to have to work with the Italians?"
"There'll be plenty av work for ye to do without ever layin' yer hand to pick or shovel unless ye want to. Shewer that's no work fer a white man to do."
"There will be plenty of work for you to do without ever lifting a pick or shovel unless you want to. Sure, that's not work for a white man to do."
"And what do you call them, Deegan? Aren't they white?"
"And what do you call them, Deegan? Aren't they white?"
"Shewer they're naat."
"Sure they’re not."
"What are they, then? They're not black."
"What are they, then? They're not black."
"Nagurs, of coorse."
"Nagurs, of course."
"But they're not negroes."
"But they’re not Black."
"Will, begad, they're naat white. Any man kin tell that be lookin' at thim."
"Well, seriously, they're not white at all. Anyone can tell that just by looking at them."
Eugene smiled. He understood at once the solid Irish temperament which could draw this hearty conclusion. There was no malice in it. Deegan did not underestimate these Italians. He liked his men, but they weren't white. He didn't know what they were exactly, but they weren't white. He was standing over them a moment later shouting, "Up with it! Up with it! Down with it! Down with it!" as though his whole soul were intent on driving the last scrap of strength out of these poor underlings, when as a matter of fact they were not working very hard at all. His glance was roving about in a general way as he yelled and they paid little attention to him. Once in a while he would interpolate a "Come, Matt!" in a softer key—a key so soft that it was entirely out of keeping with his other voice. Eugene saw it all clearly. He understood Deegan.
Eugene smiled. He immediately grasped the strong Irish temperament that could lead to such a hearty conclusion. There was no malice in it. Deegan didn’t underestimate these Italians. He liked his men, but he didn’t see them as white. He wasn’t sure what they were, but they definitely weren’t white. A moment later, he was standing over them, shouting, “Get it up! Get it up! Get it down! Get it down!” as if his whole soul was focused on pushing the last bit of strength out of these poor workers, when in reality they weren’t working very hard at all. His eyes were wandering around as he yelled, and they paid little attention to him. Once in a while, he would throw in a “Come on, Matt!” in a softer tone—a tone so soft that it was completely out of sync with his other voice. Eugene saw it all clearly. He understood Deegan.
"I think I'll get Mr. Haverford to transfer me to you, if you'll let me come," he said at the close of the day when Deegan was taking off his overalls and the "Eyetalians," as he called them, were putting the things back in the car.
"I think I'll ask Mr. Haverford to move me over to your team, if that’s okay with you," he said at the end of the day when Deegan was taking off his overalls and the "Italians," as he called them, were loading things back into the car.
"Shewer!" said Deegan, impressed by the great name of Haverford. If Eugene could accomplish that through such a far-off, wondrous personality, he must be a remarkable man himself. "Come along. I'll be glad to have ye. Ye can just make out the O. K. blanks and the repoarts and watch over the min sich times as I'll naat be there and—well—all told, ye'll have enough to keep ye busy."
"Wow!" said Deegan, impressed by the great name of Haverford. If Eugene could achieve that through such a distant, amazing personality, he must be a remarkable man himself. "Come on. I'd be happy to have you. You can just handle the O.K. forms and the reports and keep an eye on things when I’m not around and—well—all in all, you'll have plenty to keep you busy."
Eugene smiled. This was a pleasant prospect. Big John had told him during the morning that Deegan went up and down the road from Peekskill on the main line, Chatham on the Midland Division, and Mt. Kisco on a third branch to New York City. He built wells, culverts, coal bins, building piers—small [Pg 381] brick buildings—anything and everything, in short, which a capable foreman-mason ought to be able to build, and in addition he was fairly content and happy in his task. Eugene could see it. The atmosphere of the man was wholesome. He was like a tonic—a revivifying dynamo to this sickly overwrought sentimentalist.
Eugene smiled. This was a nice thought. Big John had told him that morning that Deegan traveled along the main line from Peekskill, Chatham on the Midland Division, and Mt. Kisco on another branch to New York City. He built wells, culverts, coal bins, and small brick buildings—basically anything a skilled foreman-mason should be able to construct. Plus, he seemed genuinely content and happy in his work. Eugene could sense it. The man's vibe was refreshing. He was like a tonic—a revitalizing force for this overly emotional person.
That night he went home to Angela full of the humor and romance of his new situation. He liked the idea of it. He wanted to tell her about Deegan—to make her laugh. He was destined unfortunately to another kind of reception.
That night he went home to Angela, feeling excited and romantic about his new situation. He liked the idea of it. He wanted to share the story of Deegan with her—to make her laugh. Unfortunately, he was headed for a different kind of reaction.
For Angela, by this time, had endured the agony of her discovery to the breaking point. She had listened to his pretences, knowing them to be lies, until she could endure it no longer. In following him she had discovered nothing, and the change in his work would make the chase more difficult. It was scarcely possible for anyone to follow him, for he himself did not know where he would be from day to day. He would be here, there, and everywhere. His sense of security as well as of his unfairness made him sensitive about being nice in the unimportant things. When he thought at all he was ashamed of what he was doing—thoroughly ashamed. Like the drunkard he appeared to be mastered by his weakness, and the psychology of his attitude is so best interpreted. He caressed her sympathetically, for he thought from her drawn, weary look that she was verging on some illness. She appeared to him to be suffering from worry for him, overwork, or approaching malady.
For Angela, by now, had reached her breaking point with the pain of her discovery. She had listened to his lies while pretending they were the truth until she could no longer take it. In trying to follow him, she had learned nothing, and the changes in his job would make it even harder to keep track of him. It was nearly impossible for anyone to follow him since he didn’t even know where he would be from day to day. He would be here, there, and everywhere. His sense of security, along with his unfairness, made him sensitive about being considerate in the little things. When he did think about it, he felt ashamed of what he was doing—completely ashamed. Like a drunk, he seemed to be controlled by his weakness, and that's the best way to understand his mindset. He comforted her gently, thinking from her drawn, tired expression that she was on the brink of getting sick. To him, she looked like she was struggling with worry for him, overworking herself, or facing some impending illness.
But Eugene in spite of his unfaithfulness did sympathize with Angela greatly. He appreciated her good qualities—her truthfulness, economy, devotion and self-sacrifice in all things which related to him. He was sorry that his own yearning for freedom crossed with her desire for simple-minded devotion on his part. He could not love her as she wanted him to, that he knew, and yet he was at times sorry for it, very. He would look at her when she was not looking at him, admiring her industry, her patience, her pretty figure, her geniality in the face of many difficulties, and wish that she could have had a better fate than to have met and married him.
But Eugene, despite his unfaithfulness, really sympathized with Angela. He valued her qualities—her honesty, thriftiness, dedication, and selflessness in everything related to him. He felt regret that his own longing for freedom clashed with her desire for simple devotion from him. He knew he couldn’t love her the way she wanted, and that made him very sad at times. He would watch her when she wasn’t looking, admiring her hard work, patience, her lovely figure, and her cheerful attitude in the face of many challenges, wishing she had a better fate than ending up with him.
Because of these feelings on his part for her he could not bear to see her suffer. When she appeared to be ill he could not help drawing near to her, wanting to know how she was, endeavoring to make her feel better by those sympathetic, emotional demonstrations which he knew meant so much to her. On this particular evening, noting the still drawn agony of her face, he was moved to insist. "What's the matter with you, Angelface, [Pg 382] these days? You look so tired. You're not right. What's troubling you?"
Because of his feelings for her, he couldn't stand to see her suffering. Whenever she seemed unwell, he instinctively approached her, wanting to check on her and trying to comfort her with the kind, emotional gestures he knew meant a lot to her. That evening, noticing the pain etched on her face, he felt compelled to ask, "What's wrong, Angelface, [Pg 382] these days? You look so exhausted. Something's not right. What's bothering you?"
"Oh, nothing," replied Angela wearily.
"Oh, nothing," Angela replied wearily.
"But I know there is," he replied. "You can't be feeling well. What's ailing you? You're not like yourself at all. Won't you tell me, sweet? What's the trouble?"
"But I know there is," he replied. "You can't be feeling well. What's wrong? You're not acting like yourself at all. Will you tell me, please? What's bothering you?"
He was thinking because Angela said nothing that it must be a real physical illness. Any emotional complaint vented itself quickly.
He thought that because Angela didn't say anything, it had to be a serious physical illness. Any emotional issue would have come out quickly.
"Why should you care?" she asked cautiously, breaking her self-imposed vow of silence. She was thinking that Eugene and this woman, whoever she was, were conspiring to defeat her and that they were succeeding. Her voice had changed from one of weary resignation to subtle semi-concealed complaint and offense, and Eugene noted it. Before she could add any more, he had observed, "Why shouldn't I? Why, how you talk! What's the matter now?"
"Why should you care?" she asked carefully, breaking her promise to stay silent. She was thinking that Eugene and this woman, whoever she was, were teaming up to bring her down and that they were winning. Her tone shifted from tired acceptance to a hint of hidden complaint and offense, and Eugene picked up on it. Before she could say more, he remarked, "Why shouldn't I? Just listen to how you’re talking! What’s wrong now?"
Angela really did not intend to go on. Her query was dragged out of her by his obvious sympathy. He was sorry for her in some general way. It made her pain and wrath all the greater. And his additional inquiry irritated her the more.
Angela really didn’t plan to continue. His obvious sympathy forced her to voice her question. He felt sorry for her in a vague way. That only made her pain and anger feel even worse. His follow-up question annoyed her even more.
"Why should you?" she asked weepingly. "You don't want me. You don't like me. You pretend sympathy when I look a little bad, but that's all. But you don't care for me. If you could get rid of me, you would. That is so plain."
"Why would you?" she asked, tears in her eyes. "You don't want me. You don't like me. You just pretend to care when I look a little off, but that's it. You don’t really care about me. If you could get rid of me, you would. It's so obvious."
"Why, what are you talking about?" he asked, astonished. Had she found out anything? Was the incident of the scraps of paper really closed? Had anybody been telling her anything about Carlotta? Instantly he was all at sea. Still he had to pretend.
"Why, what are you talking about?" he asked, surprised. Had she discovered something? Was the issue with the scraps of paper really over? Had someone been telling her anything about Carlotta? He was completely confused. Still, he had to keep up the act.
"You know I care," he said. "How can you say that?"
"You know I care," he said. "How can you say that?"
"You don't. You know you don't!" she flared up suddenly. "Why do you lie? You don't care. Don't touch me. Don't come near me. I'm sick of your hypocritical pretences! Oh!" And she straightened up with her finger nails cutting into her palms.
"You don't. You know you don't!" she snapped suddenly. "Why do you lie? You don’t care. Don’t touch me. Don’t come near me. I’m fed up with your fake pretenses! Oh!" And she straightened up, her fingernails digging into her palms.
Eugene at the first expression of disbelief on her part had laid his hand soothingly on her arm. That was why she had jumped away from him. Now he drew back, nonplussed, nervous, a little defiant. It was easier to combat rage than sorrow; but he did not want to do either.
Eugene, seeing her first look of disbelief, gently placed his hand on her arm to comfort her. That’s why she had pulled away from him. Now, he stepped back, confused, anxious, and a bit defiant. It was easier to deal with anger than sadness, but he didn’t want to face either.
"What's the matter with you?" he asked, assuming a look of bewildered innocence. "What have I done now?"
"What's wrong with you?" he asked, putting on a look of confused innocence. "What did I do this time?"
"What haven't you done, you'd better ask. You dog! You [Pg 383] coward!" flared Angela. "Leaving me to stay out in Wisconsin while you go running around with a shameless woman. Don't deny it! Don't dare to deny it!"—this apropos of a protesting movement on the part of Eugene's head—"I know all! I know more than I want to know. I know how you've been acting. I know what you've been doing. I know how you've been lying to me. You've been running around with a low, vile wretch of a woman while I have been staying out in Blackwood eating my heart out, that's what you've been doing. Dear Angela! Dear Angelface! Dear Madonna Doloroso! Ha! What have you been calling her, you lying, hypocritical coward! What names have you for her, Hypocrite! Brute! Liar! I know what you've been doing. Oh, how well I know! Why was I ever born?—oh, why, why?"
"What haven't you done? You better ask. You dog! You coward!" Angela snapped. "Leaving me to stay in Wisconsin while you go running around with a shameless woman. Don’t deny it! Don’t you dare deny it!"—this in response to a protesting movement of Eugene's head—"I know everything! I know more than I ever wanted to. I know how you've been acting. I know what you've been doing. I know how you’ve been lying to me. You’ve been running around with a low, vile woman while I’ve been here in Blackwood, heartbroken—that’s what you’ve been doing. Dear Angela! Dear Angelface! Dear Madonna Doloroso! Ha! What have you been calling her, you lying, hypocritical coward! What names have you for her, Hypocrite! Brute! Liar! I know what you've been doing. Oh, how well I know! Why was I ever born?—oh, why, why?"
Her voice trailed off in a wail of agony. Eugene stood there astonished to the point of inefficiency. He could not think of a single thing to do or say. He had no idea upon what evidence she based her complaint. He fancied that it must be much more than had been contained in that little note which he had torn up. She had not seen that—of that he was reasonably sure—or was he? Could she have taken it out of the box while he was in the bath and then put it back again? This sounded like it. She had looked very bad that night. How much did she know? Where had she secured this information? Mrs. Hibberdell? Carlotta? No! Had she seen her? Where? When?
Her voice faded into a cry of pain. Eugene stood there, so shocked he was almost useless. He couldn’t think of anything to do or say. He had no clue what evidence she was using for her complaint. He imagined it must be much more than what was in that little note he had ripped up. She hadn’t seen that—he was pretty sure of it—or was he? Could she have taken it out of the box while he was in the bath and then put it back? That seemed possible. She had looked really upset that night. How much did she know? Where did she get this information? Mrs. Hibberdell? Carlotta? No! Had she seen her? Where? When?
"You're talking through your hat," he said aimlessly and largely in order to get time. "You're crazy! What's got into you, anyhow? I haven't been doing anything of the sort."
"You're just talking nonsense," he said, mostly to buy some time. "You're out of your mind! What's wrong with you, anyway? I haven't done anything like that."
"Oh, haven't you!" she sneered. "You haven't been meeting her at bridges and road houses and street cars, have you? You liar! You haven't been calling her 'Ashes of Roses' and 'River Nymph' and 'Angel Girl.'" Angela was making up names and places out of her own mind. "I suppose you used some of the pet names on her that you gave to Christina Channing, didn't you? She'd like those, the vile strumpet! And you, you dog, pretending to me—pretending sympathy, pretending loneliness, pretending sorrow that I couldn't be here! A lot you cared what I was doing or thinking or suffering. Oh, I hate you, you horrible coward! I hate her! I hope something terrible happens to you. If I could get at her now I would kill her and you both—and myself. I would! I wish I could die! I wish I could die!"
"Oh, really? You haven’t!" she mocked. "You haven’t been meeting her at bridges and diners and streetcars, have you? You liar! You haven’t been calling her ‘Ashes of Roses’ and ‘River Nymph’ and ‘Angel Girl.’" Angela was making up names and places in her head. "I bet you used some of the pet names you called Christina Channing, didn’t you? She’d love those, that terrible tramp! And you, you dog, pretending to me—pretending to care, pretending to be lonely, pretending to be sad that I couldn’t be here! You didn’t care what I was doing or thinking or suffering. Oh, I hate you, you horrible coward! I hate her! I hope something awful happens to you. If I could get to her right now, I would kill her and you both—and myself. I would! I wish I could just die! I wish I could just die!"
Eugene was beginning to get the measure of his iniquity as Angela interpreted it. He could see now how cruelly he had [Pg 384] hurt her. He could see now how vile what he was doing looked in her eyes. It was bad business—running with other women—no doubt of it. It always ended in something like this—a terrible storm in which he had to sit by and hear himself called brutal names to which there was no legitimate answer. He had heard of this in connection with other people, but he had never thought it would come to him. And the worst of it was that he was guilty and deserving of it. No doubt of that. It lowered him in his own estimation. It lowered her in his and her own because she had to fight this way. Why did he do it? Why did he drag her into such a situation? It was breaking down that sense of pride in himself which was the only sustaining power a man had before the gaze of the world. Why did he let himself into these situations? Did he really love Carlotta? Did he want pleasure enough to endure such abuse as this? This was a terrible scene. And where would it end? His nerves were tingling, his brain fairly aching. If he could only conquer this desire for another type and be faithful, and yet how dreadful that seemed! To confine himself in all his thoughts to just Angela! It was not possible. He thought of these things, standing there enduring the brunt of this storm. It was a terrible ordeal, but it was not wholly reformatory even at that.
Eugene was starting to understand the extent of his wrongdoing as Angela saw it. He could now see how much he had hurt her. He could see how disgusting his actions appeared to her. It was wrong—running around with other women—no doubt about it. It always ended in a disaster like this—a terrible storm where he had to sit there and listen to himself being called brutal names that he couldn't defend against. He had heard about this happening to others, but he never imagined it would happen to him. And the worst part was that he knew he was guilty and deserved it. No doubt about that. It brought him down in his own eyes. It brought her down in his eyes and in her own because she had to fight this way. Why did he do it? Why did he drag her into such a mess? It was eroding the sense of pride he had in himself, which was the only thing keeping him standing in front of the world. Why did he allow himself to get into these situations? Did he really love Carlotta? Did he want pleasure enough to endure this kind of abuse? This was a horrible scene. And where would it end? His nerves were on edge, and his head was pounding. If only he could overcome this desire for someone else and be faithful, but that felt so terrible! To limit all his thoughts to just Angela! It seemed impossible. He thought about these things, standing there taking the brunt of this storm. It was a brutal experience, but it wasn't completely transformative even then.
"What's the use of your carrying on like that, Angela?" he said grimly, after he had listened to all this. "It isn't as bad as you think. I'm not a liar, and I'm not a dog! You must have pieced that note I threw in the paper box together and read it. When did you do it?"
"What's the point of you acting like that, Angela?" he said grimly after listening to all of it. "It’s not as bad as you think. I’m not a liar, and I’m not a dog! You must have put together that note I tossed in the paper box and read it. When did you do that?"
He was curious about that and about how much she knew. What were her intentions in regard to him? What in regard to Carlotta? What would she do next?
He was curious about that and about how much she knew. What were her intentions concerning him? What about Carlotta? What would she do next?
"When did I do it?" she replied. "When did I do it? What has that to do with it? What right have you to ask? Where is this woman, that's what I want to know? I want to find her. I want to face her. I want to tell her what a wretched beast she is. I'll show her how to come and steal another woman's husband. I'll kill her. I'll kill her and I'll kill you, too. Do you hear? I'll kill you!" And she advanced on him defiantly, blazingly.
"When did I do it?" she answered. "When did I do it? What does that even matter? What right do you have to ask? Where is this woman? That's what I need to know. I want to find her. I want to confront her. I want to tell her what a terrible person she is. I'll show her what it's like to come and steal another woman's husband. I'll kill her. I'll kill her, and I'll kill you too. Do you hear me? I'll kill you!" And she stepped toward him fiercely, with fire in her eyes.
Eugene was astounded. He had never seen such rage in any woman. It was wonderful, fascinating, something like a great lightning-riven storm. Angela was capable of hurling thunderbolts of wrath. He had not known that. It raised her in his estimation—made her really more attractive than she would [Pg 385] otherwise have been, for power, however displayed, is fascinating. She was so little, so grim, so determined! It was in its way a test of great capability. And he liked her for it even though he resented her abuse.
Eugene was amazed. He had never witnessed such anger in any woman. It was incredible, captivating, like a massive storm lit up by lightning. Angela could throw around thunderbolts of fury. He hadn’t realized that. It improved his opinion of her—made her genuinely more attractive than she otherwise would have been because power, no matter how it's shown, is intriguing. She was so small, so fierce, so resolute! It was, in a way, a demonstration of great ability. And he admired her for it even though he felt upset by her outburst. [Pg 385]
"No, no, Angela," he said sympathetically and with a keen wish to alleviate her sorrow. "You would not do anything like that. You couldn't!"
"No, no, Angela," he said with sympathy and a strong desire to ease her pain. "You wouldn't do anything like that. You couldn't!"
"I will! I will!" she declared. "I'll kill her and you, too!"
"I will! I will!" she shouted. "I'll kill her and you, too!"
And then having reached this tremendous height she suddenly broke. Eugene's big, sympathetic understanding was after all too much for her. His brooding patience in the midst of her wrath, his innate sorrow for what he could not or would not help (it was written all over his face), his very obvious presentation of the fact by his attitude that he knew that she loved him in spite of this, was too much for her. It was like beating her hands against a stone. She might kill him and this woman, whoever she was, but she would not have changed his attitude toward her, and that was what she wanted. A great torrent of heart-breaking sobs broke from her, shaking her frame like a reed. She threw her arms and head upon the kitchen table, falling to her knees, and cried and cried. Eugene stood there contemplating the wreck he had made of her dreams. Certainly it was hell, he said to himself; certainly it was. He was a liar, as she said, a dog, a scoundrel. Poor little Angela! Well, the damage had been done. What could he do now? Anything? Certainly not. Not a thing. She was broken—heart-broken. There was no earthly remedy for that. Priests might shrive for broken laws, but for a broken heart what remedy was there?
And then, after reaching this incredible peak, she suddenly fell apart. Eugene's deep, sympathetic understanding was ultimately too much for her. His quiet patience in the middle of her anger, his genuine sorrow for what he couldn’t or wouldn’t change (it showed clearly on his face), and his obvious way of showing that he knew she loved him despite everything was overwhelming. It felt like hitting her hands against a wall. She might be able to hurt him and this woman, whoever she was, but she wouldn’t change how he felt about her, and that was what she truly wanted. A wave of heart-wrenching sobs erupted from her, making her shake like a reed. She laid her arms and head on the kitchen table, fell to her knees, and cried and cried. Eugene stood there, looking at the mess he had made of her dreams. It was definitely hell, he thought; it truly was. He was a liar, just like she said, a dog, a scoundrel. Poor little Angela! Well, the damage was done. What could he do now? Anything? Definitely not. Not a thing. She was shattered—heartbroken. There was no earthly cure for that. Priests might offer forgiveness for broken rules, but for a broken heart, what remedy was there?
"Angela!" he called gently. "Angela! I'm sorry! Don't cry! Angela!! Don't cry!"
"Angela!" he called softly. "Angela! I'm sorry! Please don't cry! Angela!! Don't cry!"
But she did not hear him. She did not hear anything. Lost in the agony of her situation, she could only sob convulsively until it seemed that her pretty little frame would break to pieces.
But she didn't hear him. She didn't hear anything. Lost in the pain of her situation, she could only sob uncontrollably until it felt like her delicate little body would shatter.
CHAPTER XXIX
Eugene's feelings on this occasion were of reasonable duration. It is always possible under such circumstances to take the victim of our brutalities in our arms and utter a few sympathetic or repentant words. The real kindness and repentance which consists in reformation is quite another matter. One must see with eyes too pure to behold evil to do that. Eugene was not to be reformed by an hour or many hours of agony on anyone's part. Angela was well within the range of his sympathetic interests. He suffered with her keenly, but not enough to outrun or offset his own keen desire for what he considered his spiritual right to enjoy beauty. What harm did it do, he would have asked himself, if he secretly exchanged affectionate looks and feelings with Carlotta or any other woman who fascinated him and in turn was fascinated by him? Could an affinity of this character really be called evil? He was not giving her any money which Angela ought to have, or very little. He did not want to marry her—and she really did not want to marry him, he thought—there was no chance of that, anyhow. He wanted to associate with her. And what harm did that do Angela? None, if she did not know. Of course, if she knew, it was very sad for her and for him. But, if the shoe were on the other foot, and Angela was the one who was acting as he was acting now he would not care, he thought. He forgot to add that if he did not care it would be because he was not in love, and Angela was in love. Such reasoning runs in circles. Only it is not reasoning. It is sentimental and emotional anarchy. There is no will toward progress in it.
Eugene's feelings on this occasion lasted a reasonable amount of time. In situations like this, it's always possible to take the victim of our brutality in our arms and say a few sympathetic or regretful words. But true kindness and repentance, which come from making a change, are an entirely different matter. One must have the kind of purity that can’t bear to see evil to do that. Eugene wouldn't be changed by an hour or even many hours of suffering from anyone. Angela was someone he genuinely cared about. He felt her pain deeply, but it wasn't enough to overshadow or replace his strong desire for what he believed was his spiritual right to enjoy beauty. What harm, he might have questioned, would it do if he secretly shared affectionate glances and feelings with Carlotta or any other woman who captivated him and was equally drawn to him? Could this kind of connection truly be considered bad? He wasn’t giving her any money that Angela deserved, or hardly any at all. He didn’t wish to marry her—and he assumed she didn’t want to marry him either—so that was off the table. He just wanted to spend time with her. And what harm did that do Angela? None, as long as she didn't know. Of course, if she did know, it would be very sad for both of them. But if the roles were reversed, and Angela was acting as he was now, he thought he wouldn't care. He forgot to mention that if he didn’t care, it would be because he wasn’t in love, and Angela was. This line of reasoning goes in circles. Yet it isn't really reasoning. It's just sentimental and emotional chaos. There’s no real desire for progress in it.
When Angela recovered from her first burst of rage and grief it was only to continue it further, though not in quite the same vein. There can only be one superlative in any field of endeavor. Beyond that may be mutterings and thunderings or a shining after-glow, but no second superlative. Angela charged him with every weakness and evil tendency, only to have him look at her in a solemn way, occasionally saying: "Oh, no! You know I'm not as bad as that," or "Why do you abuse me in that way? That isn't true," or "Why do you say that?"
When Angela got over her initial burst of anger and sadness, she only continued to express it, though not in exactly the same way. There can only be one top choice in any area of achievement. Beyond that, there might be some grumbling or loud reactions, or a bright after-effect, but there can’t be a second top choice. Angela confronted him with every fault and bad habit, but he just looked at her seriously and occasionally replied, "Oh, no! You know I'm not that bad," or "Why do you treat me like this? That’s not true," or "Why do you say that?"
"Because it is so, and you know it's so," Angela would declare.
"Because it is, and you know it is," Angela would say.
"Listen, Angela," he replied once, with a certain amount of [Pg 387] logic, "there is no use in brow-beating me in this way. It doesn't do any good to call me names. You want me to love you, don't you? That's all that you want. You don't want anything else. Will calling me names make me do it? If I can't I can't, and if I can I can. How will fighting help that?"
"Listen, Angela," he said, using a bit of logic, "there's no point in trying to intimidate me like this. Calling me names won't help. You want me to love you, right? That's all you want. You don't want anything else. Will calling me names make me do it? If I can, I can, and if I can't, I can't. How will arguing change that?"
She listened to him pitifully, for she knew that her rage was useless, or practically so. He was in the position of power. She loved him. That was the sad part of it. To think that tears and pleadings and wrath might not really avail, after all! He could only love her out of a desire that was not self-generated. That was something she was beginning to see in a dim way as a grim truth.
She listened to him with pity, knowing her anger was pointless, or nearly so. He held all the power. She loved him, and that was the heartbreaking part. The thought that tears, pleas, and anger might not actually make a difference after all! He could only love her out of a desire that wasn’t truly his own. That was something she was starting to see in a faint and troubling way.
Once she folded her hands and sat white and drawn, staring at the floor. "Well, I don't know what to do," she declared. "I suppose I ought to leave you. If it just weren't for my family! They all think so highly of the marriage state. They are so naturally faithful and decent. I suppose these qualities have to be born in people. They can't be acquired. You would have to be made over."
Once she sat there with her hands folded, pale and withdrawn, staring at the floor. "I don’t know what to do," she said. "I guess I should just leave you. If it weren’t for my family! They all have such a high opinion of marriage. They are so inherently loyal and respectable. I think you have to be born with those qualities. They can’t be learned. You would need to be completely changed."
Eugene knew she would not leave him. He smiled at the superior condescension of the last remark, though it was not intended as such by her. To think of his being made over after the model Angela and her relatives would lay down!
Eugene knew she wouldn’t leave him. He smiled at the smugness of her last comment, even though she hadn't meant it that way. To imagine him being remade into the image Angela and her family wanted!
"I don't know where I'd go or what I'd do," she observed. "I can't go back to my family. I don't want to go there. I haven't been trained in anything except school teaching, and I hate to think of that again. If I could only study stenography or book-keeping!" She was talking as much to clear her own mind as his. She really did not know what to do.
"I have no idea where I'd go or what I'd do," she said. "I can't go back to my family. I don't want to go there. The only thing I've been trained in is teaching, and I really don’t want to think about that again. If only I could learn stenography or bookkeeping!" She was speaking as much to sort out her own thoughts as his. She honestly didn’t know what to do.
Eugene listened to this self-demonstrated situation with a shamed face. It was hard for him to think of Angela being thrown out on the world as a book-keeper or a stenographer. He did not want to see her doing anything like that. In a way, he wanted to live with her, if it could be done in his way—much as the Mormons might, perhaps. What a lonely life hers would be if she were away from him! And she was not suited to it. She was not suited to the commercial world—she was too homey, too housewifely. He wished he could assure her now that she would not have further cause for grief and mean it, but he was like a sick man wishing he could do the things a hale man might. There was no self-conviction in his thoughts, only the idea that if he tried to do right in this matter he might succeed, but he would be unhappy. So he drifted.
Eugene listened to this situation unfold with a shameful expression. It was hard for him to imagine Angela being cast out into the world as a bookkeeper or a stenographer. He didn’t want to see her doing anything like that. In a way, he wanted to be with her, if it could be done his way—much like the Mormons might, perhaps. What a lonely life she would have if she were away from him! And she wasn’t cut out for it. She was too domestic, too much of a homemaker. He wished he could assure her right now that she wouldn’t have any more reasons to be upset and truly mean it, but he felt like a sick person wishing he could do the things a healthy person could. There was no real conviction in his thoughts, only the notion that if he tried to do the right thing in this situation, he might succeed, but he would be unhappy. So he just drifted.
In the meanwhile Eugene had taken up his work with Deegan [Pg 388] and was going through a very curious experience. At the time Deegan had stated that he would take him he had written to Haverford, making a polite request for transfer, and was immediately informed that his wishes would be granted. Haverford remembered Eugene kindly. He hoped he was improving. He understood from inquiry of the Superintendent of Buildings that Deegan was in need of a capable assistant, anyhow, and that Eugene could well serve in that capacity. The foreman was always in trouble about his reports. An order was issued to Deegan commanding him to receive Eugene, and another to Eugene from the office of the Superintendent of Buildings ordering him to report to Deegan. Eugene went, finding him working on the problem of constructing a coal bin under the depot at Fords Centre, and raising as much storm as ever. He was received with a grin of satisfaction.
In the meantime, Eugene had started his job with Deegan [Pg 388] and was having a pretty interesting experience. When Deegan said he would take him, he wrote to Haverford, politely requesting a transfer, and was promptly informed that his request would be approved. Haverford had fond memories of Eugene and hoped he was making progress. From what he heard from the Superintendent of Buildings, Deegan needed a capable assistant, and Eugene would be a good fit for that role. The foreman was always having issues with his reports. An order was sent to Deegan instructing him to accept Eugene, and another was sent to Eugene from the office of the Superintendent of Buildings directing him to report to Deegan. Eugene arrived to find Deegan working on the task of building a coal bin under the depot at Fords Centre, causing as much commotion as ever. He was greeted with a satisfied grin.
"So here ye arre. Will, ye're just in time. I want ye to go down to the ahffice."
"So here you are. Will, you're just in time. I need you to go down to the office."
Eugene laughed. "Sure," he said. Deegan was down in a freshly excavated hole and his clothes were redolent of the freshly turned earth which surrounded him. He had a plumb bob in his hand and a spirit level, but he laid them down. Under the neat train shed to which he crawled when Eugene appeared and where they stood, he fished from a pocket of his old gray coat a soiled and crumpled letter which he carefully unfolded with his thick and clumsy fingers. Then he held it up and looked at it defiantly.
Eugene laughed. "Sure," he said. Deegan was down in a freshly dug hole, and his clothes smelled of the freshly turned earth around him. He had a plumb bob in one hand and a spirit level in the other, but he put them down. Under the neat train shed where he crawled when Eugene showed up and where they stood, he pulled a wrinkled and dirty letter from a pocket of his old gray coat and carefully unfolded it with his thick, awkward fingers. Then he held it up and looked at it defiantly.
"I want ye to go to Woodlawn," he continued, "and look after some bolts that arre theyer—there's a keg av thim—an' sign the bill fer thim, an' ship thim down to me. They're not miny. An' thin I waant ye to go down to the ahffice an' take thim this O. K." And here he fished around and produced another crumpled slip. "It's nonsinse!" he exclaimed, when he saw it. "It's onraisonable! They're aalways yillen fer thim O. K. blanks. Ye'd think, begad, I was goin' to steal thim from thim. Ye'd think I lived on thim things. O. K. blanks, O. K. blanks. From mornin' 'til night O. K. blanks. It's nonsinse! It's onraisonable!" And his face flushed a defiant red.
"I want you to go to Woodlawn," he continued, "and check on some bolts that are there—there's a keg of them—and sign the bill for them, and ship them down to me. There aren't many. And then I want you to go down to the office and give them this O.K." And here he rummaged around and pulled out another crumpled slip. "It's nonsense!" he exclaimed when he saw it. "It's unreasonable! They're always yelling for those O.K. forms. You’d think, for heaven's sake, that I was going to steal them. You’d think I lived off those things. O.K. forms, O.K. forms. From morning until night, O.K. forms. It's nonsense! It's unreasonable!" And his face turned a defiant red.
Eugene could see that some infraction of the railroad's rules had occurred and that Deegan had been "called down," or "jacked up" about it, as the railroad men expressed it. He was in a high state of dudgeon—as defiant and pugnacious as his royal Irish temper would allow.
Eugene could see that a violation of the railroad's rules had happened and that Deegan had been "called out" or "chewed out" about it, as the railroad workers put it. He was in a heated state of anger—defiant and aggressive, just as his proud Irish temperament would permit.
"I'll fix it," said Eugene. "That's all right. Leave it to me."
"I'll take care of it," said Eugene. "No worries. Just let me handle it."
[Pg 389] Deegan showed some signs of approaching relief. At last he had a man of "intilligence," as he would have expressed it. He flung a parting shot though at his superior as Eugene departed.
[Pg 389] Deegan showed some signs of relief. Finally, he had someone with "intelligence," as he would say. He threw a parting jab at his boss as Eugene left.
"Tell thim I'll sign fer thim when I git thim and naat before!" he rumbled.
"Tell them I'll sign for them when I get them and not before!" he growled.
Eugene laughed. He knew no such message would be accepted, but he was glad to give Deegan an opportunity to blow off steam. He entered upon his new tasks with vim, pleased with the out-of-doors, the sunshine, the opportunity for brief trips up and down the road like this. It was delightful. He would soon be all right now, that he knew.
Eugene laughed. He knew that no message like that would be taken seriously, but he was happy to give Deegan a chance to vent. He approached his new tasks with enthusiasm, enjoying the fresh air, the sunshine, and the chance for quick trips up and down the road like this. It was wonderful. He knew he would be just fine soon.
He went to Woodlawn and signed for the bolts; went to the office and met the chief clerk (delivering the desired O. K. blanks in person) who informed him of the chief difficulty in Deegan's life. It appeared that there were some twenty-five of these reports to be made out monthly, to say nothing of endless O. K. blanks to be filled in with acknowledgments of material received. Everything had to be signed for in this way, it mattered not whether it was a section of a bridge or a single bolt or a pound of putty. If a man could sit down and reel off a graphic report of what he was doing, he was the pride of the chief clerk's heart. His doing the work properly was taken as a matter of course. Deegan was not efficient at this, though he was assisted at times by his wife and all three of his children, a boy and two girls. He was constantly in hot water.
He went to Woodlawn and signed for the bolts; then he went to the office and met the chief clerk (delivering the necessary O. K. forms in person) who told him about the main challenge in Deegan's life. It turned out that there were around twenty-five of these reports to complete each month, not to mention countless O. K. forms to fill out with acknowledgments of materials received. Everything had to be signed for this way, whether it was a section of a bridge, a single bolt, or a pound of putty. If someone could sit down and easily write a detailed report of their work, they were the pride of the chief clerk. Doing the job properly was taken for granted. Deegan wasn't efficient at this, even though he occasionally got help from his wife and all three of his kids, a son and two daughters. He was always in hot water.
"My God!" exclaimed the chief clerk, when Eugene explained that Deegan had thought that he might leave the bolts at the station where they would be safe until he needed them and then sign for them when he took them out. He ran his hands distractedly through his hair. "What do you think of that?" he exclaimed. "He'll leave them there until he needs them, will he? What becomes of my reports? I've got to have those O. K.'s. You tell Deegan he ought to know better than that; he's been long enough on the road. You tell him that I said that I want a signed form for everything consigned to him the moment he learns that it's waiting for him. And I want it without fail. Let him go and get it. The gall! He's got to come to time about this, or something's going to drop. I'm not going to stand it any longer. You'd better help him in this. I've got to make out my reports on time."
"My God!" shouted the chief clerk when Eugene explained that Deegan thought he could leave the bolts at the station where they would be safe until he needed them, and then sign for them when he picked them up. He ran his hands through his hair in frustration. "What do you think of that?" he said. "He thinks he can just leave them there until he needs them? What happens to my reports? I need those approvals. You tell Deegan he should know better; he’s been on the road long enough. Tell him that I want a signed form for everything sent to him the moment he finds out it’s waiting for him. And I want it for sure. He can go and get it. The nerve! He has to get this sorted out, or there’s going to be trouble. I can’t put up with this anymore. You’d better help him with this. I need to complete my reports on time."
Eugene agreed that he would. This was his field. He could help Deegan. He could be really useful.
Eugene agreed that he would. This was his area. He could help Deegan. He could be very helpful.
Time passed. The weather grew colder, and while the work [Pg 390] was interesting at first, like all other things it began after a time to grow monotonous. It was nice enough when the weather was fine to stand out under the trees, where some culvert was being built to bridge a small rivulet or some well to supply the freight engines with water, and survey the surrounding landscape; but when the weather grew colder it was not so nice. Deegan was always interesting. He was forever raising a ruction. He lived a life of hard, narrow activity laid among boards, wheelbarrows, cement, stone, a life which concerned construction and had no particular joy in fruition. The moment a thing was nicely finished they had to leave it and go where everything would be torn up again. Eugene used to look at the wounded ground, the piles of yellow mud, the dirty Italians, clean enough in their spirit, but soiled and gnarled by their labor, and wonder how much longer he could stand it. To think that he, of all men, should be here working with Deegan and the guineas! He became lonesome at times—terribly, and sad. He longed for Carlotta, longed for a beautiful studio, longed for a luxurious, artistic life. It seemed that life had wronged him terribly, and yet he could do nothing about it. He had no money-making capacity.
Time went on. The weather got colder, and while the work [Pg 390] was interesting at first, like everything else, it started to feel routine after a while. It was nice enough to stand outside under the trees when the weather was good, where they were building a culvert to cross a small stream or a well to provide water for the freight engines, and take in the scenery. But when the weather turned colder, it wasn’t as pleasant. Deegan was always a source of interest. He was constantly stirring things up. He led a life of hard, narrow work amidst boards, wheelbarrows, cement, and stone, focused on construction without any particular satisfaction in completion. The moment something was finally finished, they had to leave it behind and move to a place where everything would be torn up again. Eugene would look at the damaged ground, the piles of yellow mud, the dirty Italians—clean in spirit but grimy and weathered by their hard work—and wonder how much longer he could take it. To think that he, of all people, was here working with Deegan and the guineas! He often felt lonely—terribly so—and sad. He missed Carlotta, craved a beautiful studio, and longed for a luxurious, artistic life. It felt like life had treated him terribly, and yet he felt powerless to change it. He had no knack for making money.
About this time the construction of a rather pretentious machine shop, two hundred by two hundred feet and four storeys high was assigned to Deegan, largely because of the efficiency which Eugene contributed to Deegan's work. Eugene handled his reports and accounts with rapidity and precision, and this so soothed the division management that they had an opportunity to see Deegan's real worth. The latter was beside himself with excitement, anticipating great credit and distinction for the work he was now to be permitted to do.
About this time, the construction of a pretty impressive machine shop, 200 by 200 feet and four stories high, was given to Deegan, largely because of the efficiency Eugene brought to Deegan's work. Eugene managed his reports and accounts quickly and accurately, which really pleased the division management, allowing them to see Deegan's true value. Deegan was thrilled, looking forward to the recognition and distinction he would receive for the work he was now allowed to do.
"'Tis the foine time we'll have, Eugene, me bye," he exclaimed, "puttin' up that buildin'. 'Tis no culvert we'll be afther buildin' now. Nor no coal bin. Wait till the masons come. Then ye'll see somethin'."
"'Tis the great time we'll have, Eugene, my friend," he exclaimed, "putting up that building. We're not building a culvert now. Nor a coal bin. Wait until the masons arrive. Then you'll see something."
Eugene was pleased that their work was progressing so successfully, but of course there was no future in it for him. He was lonely and disheartened.
Eugene was happy that their work was going so well, but of course, there was no future in it for him. He felt lonely and discouraged.
Besides, Angela was complaining, and rightfully enough, that they were leading a difficult life—and to what end, so far as she was concerned? He might recover his health and his art (by reason of his dramatic shake-up and changes he appeared to be doing so), but what would that avail her? He did not love her. If he became prosperous again it might be to forsake her, and at best he could only give her money and position if he ever [Pg 391] attained these, and how would that help? It was love that she wanted—his love. And she did not have that, or only a mere shadow of it. He had made up his mind after this last fatal argument that he would not pretend to anything he did not feel in regard to her, and this made it even harder. She did believe that he sympathized with her in his way, but it was an intellectual sympathy and had very little to do with the heart. He was sorry for her. Sorry! Sorry! How she hated the thought of that! If he could not do any better than that, what was there in all the years to come but misery?
Besides, Angela was complaining, and rightly so, that they were living a tough life—and for what purpose, as far as she was concerned? He might regain his health and his art (thanks to the dramatic changes he seemed to be making), but what would that do for her? He didn’t love her. If he became successful again, it might be to leave her behind, and at best he could only offer her money and status if he ever got there, but how would that help? It was love that she wanted—his love. And she didn’t have that, or only a mere shadow of it. He had decided after their last devastating argument that he wouldn’t pretend to feel anything he didn’t for her, which made it even harder. She did believe that he cared for her in his own way, but it was an intellectual kind of sympathy that had very little to do with real emotion. He felt sorry for her. Sorry! Sorry! How she hated the thought of that! If he couldn’t do any better than that, what was there to look forward to in all the years ahead but misery?
A curious fact to be noted about this period was that suspicion had so keyed up Angela's perceptions that she could almost tell, and that without knowing, when Eugene was with Carlotta or had been. There was something about his manner when he came in of an evening, to say nothing of those subtler thought waves which passed from him to her when he was with Carlotta, which told her instantly where he had been and what he had been doing. She would ask him where he had been and he would say: "Oh, up to White Plains" or "out to Scarborough," but nearly always when he had been with Carlotta she would flare up with, "Yes, I know where you've been. You've been out again with that miserable beast of a woman. Oh, God will punish her yet! You will be punished! Wait and see."
A curious fact about this period was that suspicion had sharpened Angela's instincts to the point where she could almost tell, without even knowing how, when Eugene was with Carlotta or had been. There was something in his demeanor when he came home in the evening, not to mention those subtle vibes that passed between them when he was with Carlotta, that made it clear to her where he had been and what he had done. She would ask him where he had been, and he would reply, "Oh, up to White Plains" or "out to Scarborough," but nearly every time he had been with Carlotta, she would explode with, "Yes, I know where you've been. You've been out again with that awful woman. Oh, God will punish her yet! You will be punished! Just wait and see."
Tears would flood her eyes and she would berate him roundly.
Tears would fill her eyes and she would scold him heavily.
Eugene stood in profound awe before these subtle outbreaks. He could not understand how it was that Angela came to know or suspect so accurately. To a certain extent he was a believer in spiritualism and the mysteries of a subconscious mind or self. He fancied that there must be some way of this subconscious self seeing or apprehending what was going on and of communicating its knowledge in the form of fear and suspicion to Angela's mind. If the very subtleties of nature were in league against him, how was he to continue or profit in this career? Obviously it could not be done. He would probably be severely punished for it. He was half terrified by the vague suspicion that there might be some laws which tended to correct in this way all the abuses in nature. There might be much vice and crime going seemingly unpunished, but there might also be much correction going on, as the suicides and deaths and cases of insanity seemed to attest. Was this true? Was there no escape from the results of evil except by abandoning it entirely? He pondered over this gravely.
Eugene stood in deep awe before these subtle eruptions. He couldn't understand how Angela came to know or suspect things with such accuracy. To some extent, he believed in spiritualism and the mysteries of the subconscious mind. He imagined that there had to be some way for the subconscious self to perceive what was happening and to communicate that knowledge in the form of fear and suspicion to Angela's mind. If the very subtleties of nature were working against him, how could he continue or succeed in this career? Clearly, that wasn't possible. He would likely face serious consequences for it. He was half-terrified by the vague suspicion that there might be some laws designed to correct all the abuses in nature. There could be a lot of vice and crime going seemingly unpunished, but there could also be much correction happening, as evidenced by the suicides, deaths, and instances of insanity. Was this true? Was there no way to escape the consequences of evil except by completely abandoning it? He thought about this seriously.
[Pg 392] Getting on his feet again financially was not such an easy thing. He had been out of touch now so long with things artistic—the magazine world and the art agencies—that he felt as if he might not readily be able to get in touch again. Besides he was not at all sure of himself. He had made sketches of men and things at Speonk, and of Deegan and his gang on the road, and of Carlotta and Angela, but he felt that they were weak in their import—lacking in the force and feeling which had once characterized his work. He thought of trying his hand at newspaper work if he could make any sort of a connection—working in some obscure newspaper art department until he should feel himself able to do better; but he did not feel at all confident that he could get that. His severe breakdown had made him afraid of life—made him yearn for the sympathy of a woman like Carlotta, or of a larger more hopeful, more tender attitude, and he dreaded looking for anything anywhere. Besides he hated to spare the time unless he were going to get somewhere. His work was so pressing. But he knew he must quit it. He thought about it wearily, wishing he were better placed in this world; and finally screwed up his courage to leave this work, though it was not until something else was quite safely in his hands.
[Pg 392] Getting back on his feet financially wasn't easy. He had been out of touch with the artistic world—the magazine scene and art agencies—for so long that he felt like he might struggle to reconnect. Plus, he wasn’t very sure of himself. He had sketched people and scenes in Speonk, and Deegan with his crew on the road, and Carlotta and Angela, but he thought they lacked the strength and emotion that had previously defined his work. He considered trying newspaper work if he could find any kind of connection—starting in some small newspaper art department until he felt ready to do better—but he wasn’t at all confident he could land that. His serious breakdown had left him afraid of life, making him long for the sympathy of a woman like Carlotta, or a broader, more hopeful, more caring outlook, and he dreaded the thought of searching for anything anywhere. He also hated to waste time unless it was going to lead somewhere meaningful. His work was so demanding. But he knew he had to let it go. He thought about it tiredly, wishing he were in a better situation in life; eventually, he mustered the courage to leave this job, though it wasn't until he had something else completely secured.
CHAPTER XXX
It was only after a considerable lapse of time, when trying to live on nine dollars a week and seeing Angela struggle almost hopelessly in her determination to live on what he earned and put a little aside, that he came to his senses and made a sincere effort to find something better. During all this time he had been watching her narrowly, seeing how systematically she did all her own house work, even under these adverse and trying circumstances, cooking, cleaning, marketing. She made over her old clothes, reshaping them so that they would last longer and still look stylish. She made her own hats, doing everything in short that she could to make the money in the bank hold out until Eugene should be on his feet. She was willing that he should take money and buy himself clothes when she was not willing to spend it on herself. She was living in the hope that somehow he would reform. Consciousness of what she was worth to him might some day strike him. Still she did not feel that things could ever be quite the same again. She could never forget, and neither could he.
It was only after a long time, while trying to survive on nine dollars a week and watching Angela struggle almost hopelessly to make ends meet with his earnings and save a little, that he finally came to his senses and made a genuine effort to find something better. Throughout this time, he had been closely observing her, noticing how systematically she handled all her own housework, even in such difficult circumstances—cooking, cleaning, shopping. She revamped her old clothes, altering them so they would last longer and still look fashionable. She even made her own hats, doing everything she could to stretch their savings until Eugene got back on his feet. She was okay with him using money to buy himself clothes, while she wouldn’t spend it on herself. She was holding onto the hope that somehow he would change. She believed that one day he might realize her worth to him. Still, she felt that things could never quite return to the way they were. She could never forget, and neither could he.
The affair between Eugene and Carlotta, because of the various forces that were militating against it, was now slowly drawing to a close. It had not been able to endure all the storm and stress which followed its discovery. For one thing, Carlotta's mother, without telling her husband, made him feel that he had good cause to stay about, which made it difficult for Carlotta to act. Besides she charged her daughter constantly, much as Angela was charging Eugene, with the utmost dissoluteness of character and was as constantly putting her on the defensive. She was too hedged about to risk a separate apartment, and Eugene would not accept money from her to pay for expensive indoor entertainment. She wanted to see him but she kept hoping he would get to the point where he would have a studio again and she could see him as a star in his own field. That would be so much nicer.
The relationship between Eugene and Carlotta, due to the various challenges they faced, was now slowly coming to an end. It couldn’t withstand all the turmoil that followed its discovery. For one thing, Carlotta's mom, without telling her husband, made him feel justified in sticking around, which made it hard for Carlotta to take action. Plus, she constantly accused her daughter, just like Angela was accusing Eugene, of being morally loose, and was always putting her on the defensive. Carlotta felt too trapped to risk getting her own place, and Eugene wouldn’t take any money from her to pay for expensive outings. She wanted to see him, but she kept hoping he would reach a point where he would have a studio again, and she could see him as a star in his own right. That would be so much better.
By degrees their once exciting engagements began to lapse, and despite his grief Eugene was not altogether sorry. To tell the truth, great physical discomfort recently had painted his romantic tendencies in a very sorry light for him. He thought he saw in a way where they were leading him. That there was no money in them was obvious. That the affairs of the [Pg 394] world were put in the hands of those who were content to get their life's happiness out of their management, seemed quite plain. Idlers had nothing as a rule, not even the respect of their fellow men. The licentious were worn threadbare and disgraced by their ridiculous and psychologically diseased propensities. Women and men who indulged in these unbridled relations were sickly sentimentalists, as a rule, and were thrown out or ignored by all forceful society. One had to be strong, eager, determined and abstemious if wealth was to come, and then it had to be held by the same qualities. One could not relax. Otherwise one became much what he was now, a brooding sentimentalist—diseased in mind and body.
Gradually, their once exciting engagements started to fade, and despite his sadness, Eugene wasn't entirely upset about it. Honestly, his recent physical discomfort had really put his romantic inclinations in a negative light for him. He thought he could see the direction they were taking him. It was clear there wasn't any money in them. It seemed obvious that the affairs of the [Pg 394] world were managed by those who found their happiness in that responsibility. Generally, idle people had nothing, not even the respect of others. Those who engaged in debauchery were often worn out and disgraced by their absurd and psychologically troubled behaviors. Men and women who indulged in such reckless relationships were usually overly sentimental and were either cast aside or ignored by strong society. To achieve wealth, one had to be strong, eager, determined, and moderate; and then that wealth had to be maintained with those same qualities. You couldn't let your guard down. Otherwise, you became much like he was now, a brooding sentimentalist—unwell in both mind and body.
So out of love-excitement and poverty and ill health and abuse he was coming to see or thought he was this one fact clearly,—namely that he must behave himself if he truly wished to succeed. Did he want to? He could not say that. But he had to—that was the sad part of it—and since apparently he had to, he would do the best he could. It was grim but it was essential.
So out of excitement from love, along with poverty, poor health, and abuse, he was coming to understand— or at least thought he was—this one clear fact: he had to behave himself if he really wanted to succeed. Did he want to? He couldn’t say for sure. But he had to—that was the sad part—and since it seemed he had no choice, he would do his best. It was tough, but it was necessary.
At this time Eugene still retained that rather ultra artistic appearance which had characterized his earlier years, but he began to suspect that on this score he was a little bizarre and out of keeping with the spirit of the times. Certain artists whom he met in times past and recently, were quite commercial in their appearance—the very successful ones—and he decided that it was because they put the emphasis upon the hard facts of life and not upon the romance connected with their work. It impressed him and he decided to do likewise, abandoning the flowing tie and the rather indiscriminate manner he had of combing his hair, and thereafter affected severe simplicity. He still wore a soft hat because he thought it became him best, but otherwise he toned himself down greatly. His work with Deegan had given him a sharp impression of what hard, earnest labor meant. Deegan was nothing but a worker. There was no romance in him. He knew nothing about romance. Picks and shovels and mortar boards and concrete forms—such was his life, and he never complained. Eugene remembered commiserating him once on having to get up at four A. M. in order to take a train which would get to work by seven. Darkness and cold made no difference to him, however.
At this time, Eugene still had that overly artistic look that had defined his earlier years, but he began to realize that this made him seem a bit odd and out of touch with the current trends. Some artists he had met in the past and more recently, particularly the successful ones, had a much more commercial appearance, and he figured it was because they focused on the practical aspects of life instead of the romance connected with their art. This struck him, and he decided to do the same, ditching the flowing tie and the rather unkempt way he styled his hair, and instead opted for a more severe simplicity. He still wore a soft hat because he thought it suited him best, but otherwise, he toned down his look significantly. His work with Deegan had given him a clear insight into the reality of hard, dedicated labor. Deegan was purely a worker. There was no romance in him. He knew nothing of romance. Picks, shovels, mortar boards, and concrete forms—this was his life, and he never complained. Eugene recalled once feeling sorry for him for having to wake up at four A.M. to catch a train that would get him to work by seven. However, darkness and cold didn’t seem to bother him at all.
"Shewer, I have to be theyre," he had replied with his quizzical Irish grin. "They're not payin' me me wages fer lyin' in bed. If ye were to get up that way every day fer a year it would make a man of ye!"
"Shower, I have to be there," he replied with his puzzled Irish grin. "They're not paying me my wages for lying in bed. If you were to get up that way every day for a year, it would make a man out of you!"
[Pg 395] "Oh, no," said Eugene teasingly.
"Oh, no," Eugene said playfully.
"Oh, yes," said Deegan, "it would. An' yere the wan that's needin' it. I can tell that by the cut av ye."
"Oh, yes," Deegan said, "it would. And here's the one that needs it. I can tell that by your look."
Eugene resented this but it stayed by him. Deegan had the habit of driving home salutary lessons in regard to work and abstemiousness without really meaning to. The two were wholly representative of him—just those two things and nothing more.
Eugene hated this, but it stuck with him. Deegan had a way of teaching important lessons about hard work and moderation without even realizing it. The two were completely representative of him—just those two things and nothing more.
One day he went down into Printing House Square to see if he could not make up his mind to apply at one of the newspaper art departments, when he ran into Hudson Dula whom he had not seen for a long while. The latter was delighted to see him.
One day he went down to Printing House Square to see if he could finally decide to apply to one of the newspaper art departments when he ran into Hudson Dula, whom he hadn't seen in a long time. Hudson was thrilled to see him.
"Why, hello, Witla!" he exclaimed, shocked to see that he was exceptionally thin and pale. "Where have you been all these years? I'm delighted to see you. What have you been doing? Let's go over here to Hahn's and you tell me all about yourself."
"Hey there, Witla!" he said, surprised to see how thin and pale he looked. "Where have you been all these years? I'm so glad to see you. What have you been up to? Let's head over to Hahn's and catch up."
"I've been sick, Dula," said Eugene frankly. "I had a severe case of nervous breakdown and I've been working on the railroad for a change. I tried all sorts of specialists, but they couldn't help me. So I decided to go to work by the day and see what that would do. I got all out of sorts with myself and I've been pretty near four years getting back. I think I am getting better, though. I'm going to knock off on the road one of these days and try my hand at painting again. I think I can do it."
"I've been sick, Dula," Eugene said honestly. "I had a serious nervous breakdown and I've been working on the railroad to switch things up. I tried all kinds of specialists, but none of them helped me. So, I decided to work day by day and see if that would make a difference. I got really out of sorts with myself, and it’s taken me nearly four years to get back on track. I think I’m getting better, though. I’m planning to stop working on the railroad soon and give painting another shot. I believe I can do it."
"Isn't that curious," replied Dula reminiscently, "I was just thinking of you the other day and wondering where you were. You know I've quit the art director game. Truth failed and I went into the lithographic business. I have a small interest in a plant that I'm managing down in Bond Street. I wish you'd come in and see me some day."
"Isn't that interesting," Dula said nostalgically, "I was just thinking about you the other day and wondering where you were. You know I've left the art director scene. Truth didn’t work out, and I got into the lithography business. I have a small share in a shop that I'm managing down on Bond Street. I wish you would come by and visit me sometime."
"I certainly will," said Eugene.
"I definitely will," said Eugene.
"Now this nervousness of yours," said Dula, as they strolled into the restaurant where they were dining. "I have a brother-in-law that was hit that way. He's still doctoring around. I'm going to tell him about your case. You don't look so bad."
"Now, about your nervousness," Dula said as they walked into the restaurant where they were having dinner. "I have a brother-in-law who had a similar experience. He's still getting treatment. I'll mention your situation to him. You don't look too bad."
"I'm feeling much better," said Eugene. "I really am but I've had a bad spell of it. I'm going to come back in the game, though, I feel sure of it. When I do I'll know better how to take care of myself. I over-worked on that first burst of pictures."
"I'm feeling much better," said Eugene. "I really am, but I've had a rough time. I'm definitely going to get back in the game, I’m sure of it. When I do, I'll know how to take care of myself better. I pushed myself too hard with that first wave of photos."
"I must say that was the best stuff of that kind I ever saw done in this country," said Dula. "I saw both your shows, [Pg 396] as you remember. They were splendid. What became of all those pictures?"
"I have to say that was the best work of its kind I've ever seen in this country," Dula said. "I watched both your shows, [Pg 396] as you remember. They were amazing. What happened to all those pictures?"
"Oh, some were sold and the rest are in storage," replied Eugene.
"Oh, some were sold and the rest are in storage," replied Eugene.
"Curious, isn't it," said Dula. "I should have thought all those things would have been purchased. They were so new and forceful in treatment. You want to pull yourself together and stay pulled. You're going to have a great future in that field."
"Isn't it interesting?" Dula said. "I figured all those things would have already been bought. They had such a fresh and powerful approach. You need to get your act together and keep it together. You’re going to have an amazing future in that area."
"Oh, I don't know," replied Eugene pessimistically. "It's all right to obtain a big reputation, but you can't live on that, you know. Pictures don't sell very well over here. I have most of mine left. A grocer with one delivery wagon has the best artist that ever lived backed right off the board for financial results."
"Oh, I don't know," Eugene said glumly. "It's great to have a big reputation, but you can't survive on that, you know. Art doesn't sell well here. I still have most of mine left. A grocery store with one delivery truck has the best artist who ever lived completely sidelined because of money issues."
"Not quite as bad as that," said Dula smilingly. "An artist has something which a tradesman can never have—you want to remember that. His point of view is worth something. He lives in a different world spiritually. And then financially you can do well enough—you can live, and what more do you want? You're received everywhere. You have what the tradesman cannot possibly attain—distinction; and you give the world a standard of merit—you will, at least. If I had your ability I would never sit about envying any butcher or baker. Why, all the artists know you now—the good ones, anyhow. It only remains for you to do more, to obtain more. There are lots of things you can do."
"Not exactly that bad," Dula said with a smile. "An artist has something a tradesman can never have—you need to keep that in mind. His perspective has value. He exists in a different spiritual realm. Plus, you can do just fine financially—you can get by, and what more do you need? You’re welcomed everywhere. You have what the tradesman can never reach—distinction; and you provide the world with a standard of excellence—you will, at least. If I had your talent, I wouldn’t waste my time envying any butcher or baker. All the artists know you now—the good ones, at least. You just need to do more and achieve more. There are plenty of things you can accomplish."
"What, for instance?" asked Eugene.
"What, for example?" asked Eugene.
"Why, ceilings, mural decorations. I was saying to someone the other day what a mistake it was the Boston Library did not assign some of their panels to you. You would make splendid things of them."
"Why, ceilings, mural decorations. I was telling someone the other day what a mistake it was that the Boston Library didn’t assign some of their panels to you. You would create amazing things with them."
"You certainly have a world of faith in me," replied Eugene, tingling warmly. It was like a glowing fire to hear this after all the dreary days. Then the world still remembered him. He was worth while.
"You really have a lot of faith in me," replied Eugene, feeling a warm sensation. It was like a comforting fire to hear this after all the gloomy days. The world still remembered him. He mattered.
"Do you remember Oren Benedict—you used to know him out in Chicago, didn't you?"
"Do you remember Oren Benedict—you knew him back in Chicago, right?"
"I certainly did," replied Eugene. "I worked with him."
"I definitely did," Eugene replied. "I worked with him."
"He's down on the World now, in charge of the art department there. He's just gone there." Then as Eugene exclaimed over the curious shifts of time, he suddenly added, "Why wouldn't that be a good idea for you? You say you're just about to knock off. Why don't you go down and do some [Pg 397] pen work to get your hand in? It would be a good experience for you. Benedict would be glad to put you on, I'm sure."
"He's currently in charge of the art department at the World. He just got there." Then, as Eugene marveled at the strange changes in time, he suddenly suggested, "Why wouldn’t that be a great idea for you? You mentioned you’re about to wrap up. Why don’t you go down and do some [Pg 397] pen work to get some practice? It would be a good experience for you. I’m sure Benedict would be happy to bring you on."
Dula suspected that Eugene might be out of funds, and this would be an easy way for him to slip into something which would lead back to studio work. He liked Eugene. He was anxious to see him get along. It flattered him to think he had been the first to publish his work in color.
Dula suspected that Eugene might be low on money, and this would be an easy way for him to get back into studio work. He liked Eugene and was eager to see him succeed. It made him feel good to think he was the first to publish Eugene's work in color.
"That isn't a bad idea," said Eugene. "I was really thinking of doing something like that if I could. I'll go up and see him maybe today. It would be just the thing I need now,—a little preliminary practise. I feel rather rusty and uncertain."
"That’s not a bad idea," Eugene said. "I was actually thinking about doing something like that if I could. I’ll go see him maybe today. It would be exactly what I need right now—a little practice to warm up. I feel kind of rusty and unsure."
"I'll call him up, if you want," said Dula generously. "I know him well. He was asking me the other day if I knew one or two exceptional men. You wait here a minute."
"I'll give him a call, if you'd like," Dula said generously. "I know him pretty well. He was asking me the other day if I knew any outstanding guys. Just wait here for a minute."
Eugene leaned back in his chair as Dula left. Could it be that he was going to be restored thus easily to something better? He had thought it would be so hard. Now this chance was coming to lift him out of his sufferings at the right time.
Eugene leaned back in his chair as Dula walked out. Could it be that he was going to be brought back so easily to something better? He had thought it would be really difficult. Now this opportunity was coming to pull him out of his struggles at just the right moment.
Dula came back. "He says 'Sure,'" he exclaimed. "'Come right down!' You'd better go down there this afternoon. That'll be just the thing for you. And when you are placed again, come around and see me. Where are you living?"
Dula came back. "He says 'Sure,'" he exclaimed. "'Come right down!' You should go down there this afternoon. That'll be perfect for you. And when you're settled again, come by and see me. Where are you living?"
Eugene gave him his address.
Eugene shared his address with him.
"That's right, you're married," he added, when Eugene spoke of himself and Angela having a small place. "How is Mrs. Witla? I remember her as a very charming woman. Mrs. Dula and I have an apartment in Gramercy Place. You didn't know I had tied up, did you? Well, I have. Bring your wife and come to see us. We'll be delighted. I'll make a dinner date for you two."
"That's right, you're married," he said when Eugene mentioned that he and Angela had a small place. "How is Mrs. Witla? I remember her as a really charming woman. Mrs. Dula and I have an apartment in Gramercy Place. You didn't know I got married, did you? Well, I did. Bring your wife and come visit us. We’d love that. I'll set up a dinner date for you two."
Eugene was greatly pleased and elated. He knew Angela would be. They had seen nothing of artistic life lately. He hurried down to see Benedict and was greeted as an old acquaintance. They had never been very chummy but always friendly. Benedict had heard of Eugene's nervous breakdown.
Eugene was really happy and excited. He knew Angela would feel the same way. They hadn't experienced much of the art scene lately. He rushed down to see Benedict and was welcomed like an old friend. They had never been super close but had always been friendly. Benedict had heard about Eugene's nervous breakdown.
"Well, I'll tell you," he said, after greeting and reminiscences were over, "I can't pay very much—fifty dollars is high here just at present, and I have just one vacancy now at twenty-five which you can have if you want to try your hand. There's a good deal of hurry up about at times, but you don't mind that. When I get things straightened out here I may have something better."
"Well, let me tell you," he said, after the greetings and reminiscing were done, "I can’t pay a lot—fifty dollars is pretty high around here right now, and I only have one vacancy available for twenty-five if you want to give it a shot. There can be quite a bit of rush at times, but I hope that’s okay with you. Once I get everything sorted out here, I might have something better."
"Oh, that's all right," replied Eugene cheerfully. "I'm glad [Pg 398] to get that." (He was very glad indeed.) "And I don't mind the hurry. It will be good for a change."
"Oh, that's fine," Eugene replied cheerfully. "I'm happy to get that." [Pg 398] (He was really happy.) "And I don't mind the rush. It'll be nice for a change."
Benedict gave him a friendly handshake in farewell. He was glad to have him, for he knew what he could do.
Benedict gave him a friendly handshake as they said goodbye. He was happy to have him around, knowing what he was capable of.
"I don't think I can come before Monday. I have to give a few days' notice. Is that all right?"
"I don't think I can come before Monday. I need to give a few days' notice. Is that okay?"
"I could use you earlier, but Monday will do," said Benedict, and they parted genially.
"I could have used you earlier, but Monday works," said Benedict, and they parted on good terms.
Eugene hurried back home. He was delighted to tell Angela, for this would rob their condition of part of its gloom. It was no great comfort to him to be starting in as a newspaper artist again at twenty-five dollars a week, but it couldn't be helped, and it was better than nothing. At least it was putting him back on the track again. He was sure to do still better after this. He could hold this newspaper job, he felt, and outside that he didn't care very much for the time being; his pride had received some severe jolts. It was vastly better than day labor, anyway. He hurried up the four flights of stairs to the cheap little quarters they occupied, saying when he saw Angela at the gas range: "Well, I guess our railroad days are over."
Eugene hurried back home. He was thrilled to tell Angela because this would lift some of the gloom of their situation. It didn’t bring him much comfort to be starting out as a newspaper artist again at twenty-five dollars a week, but it was what it was, and it was better than nothing. At least it was getting him back on track. He was confident he could do even better after this. He felt he could handle this newspaper job, and for now, he didn’t care much about anything else; his pride had taken a few hard hits. It was still way better than manual labor, anyway. He rushed up the four flights of stairs to the small place they lived in, and when he saw Angela at the gas range, he said, "Well, I guess our railroad days are over."
"What's the trouble?" asked Angela apprehensively.
"What's going on?" asked Angela nervously.
"No trouble," he replied. "I have a better job."
"No problem," he said. "I have a better job."
"What is it?"
"What's that?"
"I'm going to be a newspaper artist for a while on the World."
"I'm going to be a newspaper artist for a while on the World."
"When did you find that out?" she asked, brightening, for she had been terribly depressed over their state.
"When did you find that out?" she asked, her mood lifting, since she had been really down about their situation.
"This afternoon. I'm going to work Monday. Twenty-five dollars will be some better than nine, won't it?"
"This afternoon. I'm going to work on Monday. Twenty-five dollars will be better than nine, right?"
Angela smiled. "It certainly will," she said, and tears of thanksgiving filled her eyes.
Angela smiled. "It definitely will," she said, tears of gratitude filling her eyes.
Eugene knew what those tears stood for. He was anxious to avoid painful reminiscences.
Eugene knew what those tears meant. He was eager to steer clear of painful memories.
"Don't cry," he said. "Things are going to be much better from now on."
"Don't cry," he said. "Things are going to be a lot better from now on."
"Oh, I hope so, I hope so," she murmured, and he patted her head affectionately as it rested on his shoulder.
"Oh, I really hope so," she murmured, and he affectionately patted her head while it rested on his shoulder.
"There now. Cheer up, girlie, will you! We're going to be all right from now on."
"There you go. Come on, cheer up, girl! We're going to be fine from here on out."
Angela smiled through her tears. She set the table, exceedingly cheerful.
Angela smiled through her tears. She set the table, very cheerful.
"That certainly is good news," she laughed afterward. "But we're not going to spend any more money for a long while, [Pg 399] anyhow. We're going to save something. We don't want to get in this hole again."
"That's definitely good news," she laughed afterward. "But we're not going to spend any more money for a while, [Pg 399] anyway. We need to save some. We don't want to end up in this mess again."
"No more for mine," replied Eugene gaily, "not if I know my business," and he went into the one little combination parlor, sitting room, reception room and general room of all work, to open his evening newspaper and whistle. In his excitement he almost forgot his woes over Carlotta and the love question in general. He was going to climb again in the world and be happy with Angela. He was going to be an artist or a business man or something. Look at Hudson Dula. Owning a lithographic business and living in Gramercy Place. Could any artist he knew do that? Scarcely. He would see about this. He would think this art business over. Maybe he could be an art director or a lithographer or something. He had often thought while he was with the road that he could be a good superintendent of buildings if he could only give it time enough.
"No more for me," replied Eugene cheerfully, "not if I can help it," and he went into the small combination parlor, sitting room, reception room, and general purpose room to open his evening newspaper and whistle. In his excitement, he almost forgot his troubles with Carlotta and the whole love situation. He was ready to rise again in the world and find happiness with Angela. He was going to be an artist or a businessman or something. Look at Hudson Dula—owning a lithographic business and living in Gramercy Place. Could any artist he knew do that? Hardly. He would look into this. He would think about this art thing. Maybe he could be an art director or a lithographer or something. He had often thought while he was on the road that he could be a good building superintendent if he just had enough time.
Angela, for her part, was wondering what this change really spelled for her. Would he behave now? Would he set himself to the task of climbing slowly and surely? He was getting along in life. He ought to begin to place himself securely in the world if he ever was going to. Her love was not the same as it had formerly been. It was crossed with dislike and opposition at times, but still she felt that he needed her to help him. Poor Eugene—if he only were not cursed with this weakness. Perhaps he would overcome it? So she mused.
Angela was wondering what this change really meant for her. Would he behave now? Would he take the time to climb slowly and surely? He was making his way in life. He needed to start securing his place in the world if he ever wanted to. Her love wasn't the same as it used to be. It was mixed with dislike and frustration at times, but she still felt he needed her support to help him. Poor Eugene—if only he didn't have this weakness. Maybe he could overcome it? She thought to herself.
CHAPTER XXXI
The work which Eugene undertook in connection with the art department of the World was not different from that which he had done ten years before in Chicago. It seemed no less difficult for all his experience—more so if anything, for he felt above it these days and consequently out of place. He wished at once that he could get something which would pay him commensurately with his ability. To sit down among mere boys—there were men there as old as himself and older, though, of course, he did not pay so much attention to them—was galling. He thought Benedict should have had more respect for his talent than to have offered him so little, though at the same time he was grateful for what he had received. He undertook energetically to carry out all the suggestions given him, and surprised his superior with the speed and imagination with which he developed everything. He surprised Benedict the second day with a splendid imaginative interpretation of "the Black Death," which was to accompany a Sunday newspaper article upon the modern possibilities of plagues. The latter saw at once that Eugene could probably only be retained a very little while at the figure he had given him. He had made the mistake of starting him low, thinking that Eugene's talent after so severe an illness might be at a very low ebb. He did not know, being new to the art directorship of a newspaper, how very difficult it was to get increases for those under him. An advance of ten dollars to anyone meant earnest representation and an argument with the business manager, and to double and treble the salary, which should have been done in this case, was out of the question. Six months was a reasonable length of time for anyone to wait for an increase—such was the dictate of the business management—and in Eugene's case it was ridiculous and unfair. However, being still sick and apprehensive, he was content to abide by the situation, hoping with returning strength and the saving of a little money to put himself right eventually.
The work that Eugene did for the art department of the World was no different from what he had done ten years earlier in Chicago. It felt just as challenging despite his experience—if anything, it was more so, as he felt above it now and consequently out of place. He immediately wished he could find a job that paid him what he deserved based on his skills. Being surrounded by younger guys—there were men there as old as him and older, but he didn't pay much attention to them—was frustrating. He thought Benedict should have shown more respect for his talent than to offer him such a low salary, although he was grateful for what he had received. He worked diligently to implement all the suggestions he was given and surprised his boss with the speed and creativity he brought to everything. He amazed Benedict on the second day with a fantastic, imaginative interpretation of "the Black Death," which was meant to accompany a Sunday newspaper article about the potential for modern plagues. Benedict quickly realized that Eugene probably wouldn't stay at the salary he had offered him for long. He had made the mistake of starting him off too low, thinking that Eugene's talent might be diminished after his serious illness. He didn’t understand, as a new art director at a newspaper, how hard it was to get raises for his staff. A ten-dollar increase for anyone meant serious negotiations and discussions with the business manager, and doubling or tripling the salary—what should have been done in Eugene's case—was out of the question. Six months was considered a reasonable time to wait for a raise—such was the mandate of the business management—and in Eugene’s situation, it was ridiculous and unfair. However, still feeling unwell and anxious, he was willing to put up with it, hoping that as his strength returned and he saved some money, he would eventually be able to rectify the situation.
Angela, of course, was pleased with the turn of affairs. Having suffered so long with only prospects of something worse in store, it was a great relief to go to the bank every Tuesday—Eugene was paid on Monday—and deposit ten dollars against a rainy day. It was agreed between them that they might use six for clothing, which Angela and Eugene very much needed, [Pg 401] and some slight entertainment. It was not long before Eugene began to bring an occasional newspaper artist friend up to dinner, and they were invited out. They had gone without much clothing, with scarcely a single visit to the theatre, without friends—everything. Now the tide began slowly to change; in a little while, because they were more free to go to places, they began to encounter people whom they knew.
Angela was definitely happy with how things were turning out. After struggling for so long with only the fear of worse times ahead, it felt like a huge relief to go to the bank every Tuesday—Eugene got paid on Monday—and deposit ten dollars for future savings. They agreed that they could spend six of it on clothes, which both Angela and Eugene really needed, [Pg 401] and a little bit of entertainment. It didn’t take long for Eugene to start inviting a few artist friends from the newspaper over for dinner, and they began getting invites out. They had gone without much clothing, hardly visited the theater, and had no friends—nothing. Now things were slowly starting to change; before long, since they were free to go out more, they began to see people they knew.
There was six months of the drifting journalistic work, in which as in his railroad work he grew more and more restless, and then there came a time when he felt as if he could not stand that for another minute. He had been raised to thirty-five dollars and then fifty, but it was a terrific grind of exaggerated and to him thoroughly meretricious art. The only valuable results in connection with it were that for the first time in his life he was drawing a moderately secure living salary, and that his mind was fully occupied with details which gave him no time to think about himself. He was in a large room surrounded by other men who were as sharp as knives in their thrusts of wit, and restless and greedy in their attitude toward the world. They wanted to live brilliantly, just as he did, only they had more self-confidence and in many cases that extreme poise which comes of rare good health. They were inclined to think he was somewhat of a poseur at first, but later they came to like him—all of them. He had a winning smile and his love of a joke, so keen, so body-shaking, drew to him all those who had a good story to tell.
He spent six months working in journalism, which, like his railroad job, made him increasingly restless. Eventually, he reached a breaking point where he felt he couldn't handle it for another minute. He had been promoted to a salary of thirty-five dollars, then fifty, but it was an exhausting grind in a field he found to be completely superficial. The only positives were that for the first time in his life, he was earning a somewhat stable income and his mind was absorbed in details that left him no time to think about himself. He was in a large room filled with other men who were sharp with their wit, restless, and eager for success. They all wanted to live life to the fullest, just like he did, but they had more self-confidence and often the calm that comes from being in great health. Initially, they thought he was a bit of a poser, but in time, they all warmed up to him. He had a charming smile, and his love for telling jokes was so infectious it drew in everyone who had a good story to share.
"Tell that to Witla," was a common phrase about the office and Eugene was always listening to someone. He came to lunching with first one and then another, then three or four at a time; and by degrees Angela was compelled to entertain Eugene and two or three of his friends twice and sometimes three times a week. She objected greatly, and there was some feeling over that, for she had no maid and she did not think that Eugene ought to begin so soon to put the burden of entertainment upon their slender income. She wanted him to make these things very formal and by appointment, but Eugene would stroll in genially, explaining that he had Irving Nelson with him, or Henry Hare, or George Beers, and asking nervously at the last minute whether it was all right. Angela would say, "Certainly, to be sure," in front of the guests, but when they were alone there would be tears and reproaches and firm declarations that she would not stand it.
"Tell that to Witla," was a common phrase around the office, and Eugene was always listening to someone. He would come to lunch first with one person, then another, and eventually three or four at a time. Gradually, Angela found herself having to host Eugene and two or three of his friends twice, and sometimes three times, a week. She really didn't like it, and it caused some tension because she had no maid, and she didn't think Eugene should start putting the burden of entertaining on their tight budget so soon. She wanted him to make these gatherings more formal and scheduled, but Eugene would walk in cheerfully, explaining that he had Irving Nelson, or Henry Hare, or George Beers with him, and nervously asking at the last minute if that was okay. Angela would say, "Of course, no problem," in front of the guests, but once they were alone, there would be tears, accusations, and firm declarations that she couldn't keep doing this.
"Well, I won't do it any more," Eugene would apologize. "I forgot, you know."
"Okay, I won't do it again," Eugene said apologetically. "I forgot, you know."
[Pg 402] Still he wanted Angela to get a maid and let him bring all who would come. It was a great relief to get back into the swing of things and see life broadening out once more.
[Pg 402] Still, he wanted Angela to hire a maid and allow him to invite everyone who wanted to come. It felt really good to get back into the groove and see life opening up again.
It was not so long after he had grown exceedingly weary of his underpaid relationship to the World that he heard of something which promised a much better avenue of advancement. Eugene had been hearing for some time from one source and another of the development of art in advertising. He had read one or two articles on the subject in the smaller magazines, had seen from time to time curious and sometimes beautiful series of ads run by first one corporation and then another, advertising some product. He had always fancied in looking at these things that he could get up a notable series on almost any subject, and he wondered who handled these things. He asked Benedict one night, going up on the car with him, what he knew about it.
It wasn't long after he had become really fed up with his low-paying job in the World that he heard about something that promised a much better path for advancement. Eugene had been hearing for a while from various sources about the growth of art in advertising. He had read a couple of articles on the topic in smaller magazines and had occasionally seen intriguing and sometimes beautiful series of ads from different companies promoting various products. He had always thought that he could create a standout series on almost any topic, and he was curious about who was behind these campaigns. One night, while riding on the train with Benedict, he asked him what he knew about it.
"Why so far as I know," said Benedict, "that is coming to be quite a business. There is a man out in Chicago, Saljerian, an American Syrian—his father was a Syrian, but he was born over here—who has built up a tremendous business out of designing series of ads like that for big corporations. He got up that Molly Maguire series for the new cleaning fluid. I don't think he does any of the work himself. He hires artists to do it. Some of the best men, I understand, have done work for him. He gets splendid prices. Then some of the big advertising agencies are taking up that work. One of them I know. The Summerville Company has a big art department in connection with it. They employ fifteen to eighteen men all the time, sometimes more. They turn out some fine ads, too, to my way of thinking. Do you remember that Korno series?"—Benedict was referring to a breakfast food which had been advertised by a succession of ten very beautiful and very clever pictures.
"Well, as far as I know," said Benedict, "that's becoming quite a business. There's a guy in Chicago, Saljerian, an American Syrian—his dad was Syrian, but he was born here—who has built an impressive business creating series of ads like that for big companies. He created that Molly Maguire series for the new cleaning product. I don’t think he does any of the work himself. He hires artists to do it. Some of the best talent, I hear, have worked for him. He gets great prices. Plus, some of the big advertising agencies are picking up that kind of work. I know one of them. The Summerville Company has a large art department that works alongside it. They employ fifteen to eighteen people all the time, sometimes more. They produce some great ads, in my opinion. Do you remember that Korno series?"—Benedict was talking about a breakfast food that had been promoted through a series of ten very beautiful and clever pictures.
"Yes," replied Eugene.
"Yeah," replied Eugene.
"Well, they did that."
"Well, they did it."
Eugene thought of this as a most interesting development. Since the days in which he worked on the Alexandria Appeal he had been interested in ads. The thought of ad creation took his fancy. It was newer than anything else he had encountered recently. He wondered if there would not be some chance in that field for him. His paintings were not selling. He had not the courage to start a new series. If he could make some money first, say ten thousand dollars, so that he could get an interest income of say six or seven hundred dollars [Pg 403] a year, he might be willing to risk art for art's sake. He had suffered too much—poverty had scared him so that he was very anxious to lean on a salary or a business income for the time being.
Eugene saw this as a really interesting development. Ever since he worked on the Alexandria Appeal, he had been intrigued by ads. The idea of creating ads caught his interest. It was fresher than anything else he had come across lately. He wondered if there might be an opportunity for him in that area. His paintings weren’t selling. He didn’t have the guts to start a new series. If he could make some money first, like ten thousand dollars, to earn an interest income of about six or seven hundred dollars [Pg 403] a year, he might be willing to take a chance on art for the sake of art. He had endured too much—his experience with poverty had made him so anxious that he was eager to rely on a salary or business income for now.
It was while he was speculating over this almost daily that there came to him one day a young artist who had formerly worked on the World—a youth by the name of Morgenbau—Adolph Morgenbau—who admired Eugene and his work greatly and who had since gone to another paper. He was very anxious to tell Eugene something, for he had heard of a change coming in the art directorship of the Summerville Company and he fancied for one reason and another that Eugene might be glad to know of it. Eugene had never looked to Morgenbau like a man who ought to be working in a newspaper art department. He was too self-poised, too superior, too wise. Morgenbau had conceived the idea that Eugene was destined to make a great hit of some kind and with that kindling intuition that sometimes saves us whole he was anxious to help Eugene in some way and so gain his favor.
It was during his almost daily pondering that one day a young artist, who had previously worked at the World—a guy named Morgenbau—Adolph Morgenbau—came to him. Morgenbau admired Eugene and his work a lot and had since moved on to another paper. He was eager to share some news with Eugene because he had heard about a change coming in the art directorship of the Summerville Company, and for some reason, he thought Eugene would appreciate knowing. Eugene had never seen Morgenbau as someone suited for a job in a newspaper art department. He appeared too self-assured, too superior, too knowledgeable. Morgenbau believed that Eugene was destined for something big, and with that intuitive spark that sometimes guides us, he was keen to help Eugene in some way to earn his favor.
"I have something I'd like to tell you, Mr. Witla," he observed.
"I have something I want to tell you, Mr. Witla," he noted.
"Well, what is it?" smiled Eugene.
"Well, what’s going on?" smiled Eugene.
"Are you going out to lunch?"
"Are you going out for lunch?"
"Certainly, come along."
"Sure, come with me."
They went out together and Morgenbau communicated to Eugene what he had heard—that the Summerfield Company had just dismissed, or parted company with, or lost, a very capable director by the name of Freeman, and that they were looking for a new man.
They went out together, and Morgenbau told Eugene what he had heard—that the Summerfield Company had just let go of a very capable director named Freeman, and they were on the lookout for a new person to fill the position.
"Why don't you apply for that?" asked Morgenbau. "You could hold it. You're doing just the sort of work that would make great ads. You know how to handle men, too. They like you. All the young fellows around here do. Why don't you go and see Mr. Summerfield? He's up in Thirty-fourth Street. You might be just the man he's looking for, and then you'd have a department of your own."
"Why don't you go for that?" Morgenbau asked. "You could totally handle it. You're doing the kind of work that would make for great ads. Plus, you know how to work with people; they like you. All the young guys around here do. Why not go talk to Mr. Summerfield? He's up on Thirty-fourth Street. You might be exactly what he needs, and then you'd have your own department."
Eugene looked at this boy, wondering what had put this idea in his head. He decided to call up Dula and did so at once, asking him what he thought would be the best move to make. The latter did not know Summerville [sic], but he knew someone who did.
Eugene looked at the boy, wondering what had given him this idea. He decided to call Dula and did so right away, asking him what he thought would be the best move. Dula didn't know Summerville [sic], but he knew someone who did.
"I'll tell you what you do, Eugene," he said. "You go and see Baker Bates of the Satina Company. That's at the corner of Broadway and Fourth Street. We do a big business [Pg 404] with the Satina Company, and they do a big business with Summerfield. I'll send a letter over to you by a boy and you take that. Then I'll call Bates up on the phone, and if he's favorable he can speak to Summerfield. He'll want to see you, though."
"I'll tell you what to do, Eugene," he said. "Go see Baker Bates at the Satina Company. It's at the corner of Broadway and Fourth Street. We do a lot of business with the Satina Company, and they do a lot with Summerfield. I'll send you a letter with a kid, and you can take that. Then I'll call Bates and if he’s interested, he can talk to Summerfield. But he’ll want to meet you first."
Eugene was very grateful and eagerly awaited the arrival of the letter. He asked Benedict for a little time off and went to Mr. Baker Bates. The latter had heard enough from Dula to be friendly. He had been told by the latter that Eugene was potentially a great artist, slightly down on his luck, but that he was doing exceedingly well where he was and would do better in the new place. He was impressed by Eugene's appearance, for the latter had changed his style from the semi-artistic to the practical. He thought Eugene looked capable. He was certainly pleasant.
Eugene was really grateful and eagerly awaited the letter's arrival. He asked Benedict for some time off and went to see Mr. Baker Bates. Bates had heard enough from Dula to be friendly. Dula had told him that Eugene had the potential to be a great artist, was just a bit down on his luck, but was doing really well where he was and would do even better in the new place. He was impressed by Eugene's appearance, as he had shifted his style from semi-artistic to more practical. He thought Eugene looked capable. He was definitely pleasant.
"I'll talk to Mr. Summerfield for you," he said, "though I wouldn't put much hope in what will come of it if I were you. He's a difficult man and it's best not to appear too eager in this matter. If he can be induced to send for you it will be much better. You let this rest until tomorrow. I'll call him up on another matter and take him out to lunch, and then I'll see how he stands and who he has in mind, if he has anyone. He may have, you know. If there is a real opening I'll speak of you. We'll see."
"I'll talk to Mr. Summerfield for you," he said, "but I wouldn’t get my hopes up about what might happen. He's a tough guy, and it's better not to come off as too eager in this situation. If he decides to invite you, that would be much better. Just hold off until tomorrow. I'll call him about something else and take him out for lunch, then I'll find out where he stands and if he has anyone in mind, which he might. If there's a real opportunity, I'll mention you. We'll see."
Eugene went away once more, very grateful. He was thinking that Dula had always meant good luck to him. He had taken his first important drawing. The pictures he had published for him had brought him the favor of M. Charles. Dula had secured him the position that he now had. Would he be the cause of his getting this one?
Eugene walked away again, feeling very thankful. He was reflecting on how Dula had always brought him good luck. He had completed his first significant drawing. The pieces Dula had published for him had won him the favor of M. Charles. Dula had helped him get the job he currently had. Would he also be the reason he got this new one?
On the way down town on the car he encountered a cross-eyed boy. He had understood from someone recently that cross-eyed boys were good luck—cross-eyed women bad luck. A thrill of hopeful prognostication passed over him. In all likelihood he was going to get this place. If this sign came true this time, he would believe in signs. They had come true before, but this would be a real test. He stared cheerfully at the boy and the latter looked him full in the eyes and grinned.
On the way downtown in the car, he saw a cross-eyed boy. He had heard from someone recently that cross-eyed boys brought good luck, while cross-eyed women brought bad luck. A wave of hopeful anticipation washed over him. He was probably going to get this job. If this sign turned out to be true this time, he would start believing in signs. They had come true before, but this would be a real test. He smiled at the boy, and the boy looked him straight in the eyes and grinned.
"That settles it!" said Eugene. "I'm going to get it."
"That settles it!" Eugene said. "I'm going to get it."
Still he was far from being absolutely sure.
Still, he was not completely convinced.
CHAPTER XXXII
The Summerfield Advertising Agency, of which Mr. Daniel C. Summerfield was president, was one of those curious exfoliations or efflorescences of the personality of a single individual which is so often met with in the business world, and which always means a remarkable individual behind them. The ideas, the enthusiasm, the strength of Mr. Daniel C. Summerfield was all there was to the Summerfield Advertising Agency. It was true there was a large force of men working for him, advertising canvassers, advertising writers, financial accountants, artists, stenographers, book-keepers and the like, but they were all as it were an emanation or irradiation of the personality of Mr. Daniel C. Summerfield. He was small, wiry, black-haired, black-eyed, black-mustached, with an olive complexion and even, pleasing, albeit at times wolfish, white teeth which indicated a disposition as avid and hungry as a disposition well might be.
The Summerfield Advertising Agency, led by Mr. Daniel C. Summerfield, was one of those interesting outcomes of a single person's personality that often appears in the business world, revealing a remarkable individual behind it. The ideas, enthusiasm, and drive of Mr. Daniel C. Summerfield were the essence of the Summerfield Advertising Agency. While there was a large team working for him—advertising canvassers, writers, financial accountants, artists, stenographers, bookkeepers, and others—they all reflected the personality of Mr. Daniel C. Summerfield. He was small, wiry, with black hair, black eyes, and a black mustache, possessing an olive complexion and a set of even, attractive teeth that, while sometimes appearing slightly wolfish, indicated a keen and eager nature.
Mr. Summerfield had come up into his present state of affluence or comparative affluence from the direst poverty and by the directest route—his personal efforts. In the State in which he had originated, Alabama, his family had been known, in the small circle to which they were known at all, as poor white trash. His father had been a rather lackadaisical, half-starved cotton planter who had been satisfied with a single bale or less of cotton to the acre on the ground which he leased, and who drove a lean mule very much the worse for age and wear, up and down the furrows of his leaner fields the while he complained of "the misery" in his breast. He was afflicted with slow consumption or thought he was, which was just as effective, and in addition had hook-worm, though that parasitic producer of hopeless tiredness was not yet discovered and named.
Mr. Summerfield had risen to his current level of wealth—or relative wealth—from extreme poverty and through his own hard work. In the state where he came from, Alabama, his family had been known, in the limited circles that recognized them at all, as poor white trash. His father had been a rather carefree, undernourished cotton farmer who was content with producing a single bale or less of cotton per acre on the land he leased, and who drove a worn-out mule, much older and in worse condition, up and down the rows of his even poorer fields, all while lamenting "the misery" in his heart. He believed he suffered from tuberculosis, or at least thought he did, which was just as debilitating, and he also had hookworm, although that parasitic cause of relentless exhaustion had not yet been identified or named.
Daniel Christopher, his eldest son, had been raised with scarcely any education, having been put in a cotton mill at the age of seven, but nevertheless he soon manifested himself as the brain of the family. For four years he worked in the cotton mill, and then, because of his unusual brightness, he had been given a place in the printing shop of the Wickham Union, where he was so attractive to the slow-going proprietor that he soon became foreman of the printing department and then manager. He knew nothing of printing or newspapers at the time, but the little contact he obtained here soon cleared [Pg 406] his vision. He saw instantly what the newspaper business was, and decided to enter it. Later, as he grew older, he suspected that no one knew very much about advertising as yet, or very little, and that he was called by God to revise it. With this vision of a still wider field of usefulness in his mind, he began at once to prepare himself for it, reading all manner of advertising literature and practicing the art of display and effective statement. He had been through such bitter things as personal fights with those who worked under him, knocking one man down with a heavy iron form key; personal altercation with his own father and mother in which he frankly told them that they were failures, and that they had better let him show them something about regulating their hopeless lives. He had quarreled with his younger brothers, trying to dominate them, and had succeeded in controlling the youngest, principally for the very good reason that he had become foolishly fond of him; this younger brother he later introduced into his advertising business. He had religiously saved the little he had earned thus far, invested a part of it in the further development of the Wickham Union, bought his father an eight acre farm, which he showed him how to work, and finally decided to come to New York to see if he could not connect himself with some important advertising concern where he could learn something more about the one thing that interested him. He was already married, and he brought his young wife with him from the South.
Daniel Christopher, his oldest son, had grown up with almost no education, starting work in a cotton mill at the age of seven. However, he quickly proved to be the smartest one in the family. After four years in the cotton mill, his keen intellect earned him a position in the printing shop of the Wickham Union. The slow-moving owner found him so appealing that he soon became the foreman of the printing department and then the manager. At that time, he knew nothing about printing or newspapers, but the limited exposure he had there soon opened his eyes. He immediately understood what the newspaper business entailed and decided to pursue it. As he got older, he began to realize that not many people knew much about advertising, and he felt like he was meant to reshape it. With this vision of a broader purpose in mind, he started preparing himself, reading various advertising materials and honing his skills in display and effective communication. He had faced tough challenges, like personal fights with his subordinates, even knocking one man down with a heavy iron form key; heated arguments with his parents where he bluntly told them they were failures and needed to let him show them how to manage their lives. He had disputes with his younger brothers, trying to take charge of them, and managed to control the youngest mainly because he had grown overly fond of him; he later brought this younger brother into his advertising business. He had diligently saved most of what he earned so far, invested some in improving the Wickham Union, bought his father an eight-acre farm and showed him how to work it, and ultimately decided to move to New York to see if he could connect with a significant advertising company where he could learn more about what interested him. He was already married and brought his young wife with him from the South.
He soon connected himself as a canvasser with one of the great agencies and advanced rapidly. He was so smiling, so bland, so insistent, so magnetic, that business came to him rapidly. He became the star man in this New York concern and Alfred Cookman, who was its owner and manager, was soon pondering what he could do to retain him. No individual or concern could long retain Daniel C. Summerfield, however, once he understood his personal capabilities. In two years he had learned all that Alfred Cookman had to teach him and more than he could teach him. He knew his customers and what their needs were, and where the lack was in the service which Mr. Cookman rendered them. He foresaw the drift toward artistic representation of saleable products, and decided to go into that side of it. He would start an agency which would render a service so complete and dramatic that anyone who could afford to use his service would make money.
He quickly joined one of the major agencies as a canvasser and moved up the ranks fast. He was so cheerful, so smooth, so persistent, and so charming that business came to him easily. He became the standout performer at this New York company, and Alfred Cookman, the owner and manager, soon started to think about how he could keep him around. However, no one could hold onto Daniel C. Summerfield for long once he realized his own potential. In just two years, he learned everything Alfred Cookman could teach him and even surpassed it. He understood his clients, their needs, and the gaps in the service Mr. Cookman provided. He anticipated the shift toward creative marketing of products and decided to focus on that. He would launch an agency that would offer such a complete and compelling service that anyone who could afford it would profit.
When Eugene first heard of this agency, the Summerfield concern was six years old and rapidly growing. It was already [Pg 407] very large and profitable and as hard and forceful as its owner. Daniel C. Summerfield, sitting in his private office, was absolutely ruthless in his calculations as to men. He had studied the life of Napoleon and had come to the conclusion that no individual life was important. Mercy was a joke to be eliminated from business. Sentiment was silly twaddle. The thing to do was to hire men as cheaply as possible, to drive them as vigorously as possible, and to dispose of them quickly when they showed signs of weakening under the strain. He had already had five art directors in as many years, had "hired and fired," as he termed it, innumerable canvassers, ad writers, book-keepers, stenographers, artists—getting rid of anyone and everyone who showed the least sign of incapacity or inefficiency. The great office floor which he maintained was a model of cleanliness, order—one might almost say beauty of a commercial sort, but it was the cleanliness, order and beauty of a hard, polished and well-oiled machine. Daniel C. Summerfield was not much more than that, but he had long ago decided that was what he must be in order not to be a failure, a fool, and as he called it, "a mark," and he admired himself for being so.
When Eugene first heard about this agency, the Summerfield company was six years old and rapidly expanding. It was already [Pg 407] very large and profitable, and as tough and aggressive as its owner. Daniel C. Summerfield, sitting in his private office, was completely ruthless in his assessments of people. He had studied Napoleon’s life and concluded that no individual life really mattered. Mercy was a joke to be removed from business. Sentiment was just foolishness. The goal was to hire people for as little as possible, push them as hard as possible, and get rid of them quickly when they started to buckle under pressure. He had already had five art directors in as many years and had “hired and fired,” as he put it, countless canvassers, ad writers, bookkeepers, stenographers, artists—discarding anyone who showed even the slightest sign of weakness or inefficiency. The expansive office floor he maintained was a model of cleanliness and order—one could almost call it beautiful in a commercial way, but it was the cleanliness, order, and beauty of a hard, polished, and well-oiled machine. Daniel C. Summerfield was little more than that, but he had long ago decided that this was what he needed to be in order not to be a failure, a fool, and, as he called it, “a mark,” and he took pride in being that way.
When Mr. Baker Bates at Hudson Dula's request went to Mr. Summerfield in regard to the rumored vacancy which really existed, the latter was in a most receptive frame of mind. He had just come into two very important advertising contracts which required a lot of imagination and artistic skill to execute, and he had lost his art director because of a row over a former contract. It was true that in very many cases—in most cases, in fact—his customers had very definite ideas as to what they wanted to say and how they wanted to say it, but not always. They were almost always open to suggestions as to modifications and improvements, and in a number of very important cases they were willing to leave the entire theory of procedure to the Summerfield Advertising Company. This called for rare good judgment not only in the preparation, but in the placing of these ads, and it was in the matter of their preparation—the many striking ideas which they should embody—that the judgment and assistance of a capable art director of real imagination was most valuable.
When Mr. Baker Bates went to see Mr. Summerfield at Hudson Dula's request about the rumored vacancy that actually existed, Mr. Summerfield was very open to the conversation. He had just secured two major advertising contracts that needed a lot of creativity and artistic talent to complete, and he had lost his art director due to a disagreement over a previous contract. While it was true that in many cases—actually, in most cases—his clients had very clear ideas about what they wanted to convey and how they wanted to do it, that wasn't always the case. They were usually open to suggestions for changes and enhancements, and in several key instances, they were ready to trust the complete strategy to the Summerfield Advertising Company. This required exceptional judgment not only in creating the ads but also in placing them, and it was in the preparation stage—developing the many impactful ideas they should include—that the expertise and support of a skilled art director with genuine creativity were most critical.
As has already been said, Mr. Summerfield had had five art directors in almost as many years. In each case he had used the Napoleonic method of throwing a fresh, unwearied mind into the breach of difficulty, and when it wearied or broke under the strain, tossing it briskly out. There was no compunction [Pg 408] or pity connected with any detail of this method. "I hire good men and I pay them good wages," was his favorite comment. "Why shouldn't I expect good results?" If he was wearied or angered by failure he was prone to exclaim—"These Goddamned cattle of artists! What can you expect of them? They don't know anything outside their little theory of how things ought to look. They don't know anything about life. Why, God damn it, they're like a lot of children. Why should anybody pay any attention to what they think? Who cares what they think? They give me a pain in the neck." Mr. Daniel C. Summerfield was very much given to swearing, more as a matter of habit than of foul intention, and no picture of him would be complete without the interpolation of his favorite expressions.
As mentioned earlier, Mr. Summerfield had five art directors in nearly as many years. In every case, he used the Napoleonic approach of bringing in a fresh, eager mind to tackle the challenges, and when that mind got tired or broke under the pressure, he would quickly throw it out. There was no guilt or sympathy involved in this process. "I hire good people and I pay them well," was his go-to line. "Why shouldn't I expect good results?" If he felt exhausted or frustrated by failures, he often exclaimed—"These damn artists! What do you expect from them? They don’t know anything outside their little theories of how things should look. They don’t understand life. Honestly, they're like a bunch of children. Why should anyone care about their opinions? Who cares what they think? They drive me crazy." Mr. Daniel C. Summerfield had a tendency to swear, more out of habit than malice, and no picture of him would be complete without his favorite expressions.
When Eugene appeared on the horizon as a possible applicant for this delightful position, Mr. Daniel C. Summerfield was debating with himself just what he should do in connection with the two new contracts in question. The advertisers were awaiting his suggestions eagerly. One was for the nation-wide advertising of a new brand of sugar, the second for the international display of ideas in connection with a series of French perfumes, the sale of which depended largely upon the beauty with which they could be interpreted to the lay mind. The latter were not only to be advertised in the United States and Canada, but in Mexico also, and the fulfilment of the contracts in either case was dependent upon the approval given by the advertisers to the designs for newspaper, car and billboard advertising which he should submit. It was a ticklish business, worth two hundred thousand dollars in ultimate profits, and naturally he was anxious that the man who should sit in the seat of authority in his art department should be one of real force and talent—a genius if possible, who should, through his ideas, help him win his golden harvest.
When Eugene showed up as a potential candidate for this great position, Mr. Daniel C. Summerfield was wrestling with what steps to take regarding the two new contracts at hand. The advertisers were eagerly waiting for his input. One contract involved nationwide advertising for a new sugar brand, while the other focused on the international promotion of concepts related to a series of French perfumes, whose sales relied heavily on how appealingly they could be presented to the general public. These perfumes were to be advertised not only in the United States and Canada but also in Mexico, and the successful execution of the contracts depended on the advertisers approving the designs for newspaper, train, and billboard ads that he would propose. It was a delicate matter, with potential profits reaching two hundred thousand dollars, so he was understandably keen to have someone with real skill and talent—preferably a genius—in charge of his art department, someone whose ideas could help him reap significant rewards.
The right man naturally was hard to find. The last man had been only fairly capable. He was dignified, meditative, thoughtful, with considerable taste and apprehension as to what the material situation required in driving home simple ideas, but he had no great imaginative grasp of life. In fact no man who had ever sat in the director's chair had ever really suited Mr. Summerfield. According to him they had all been weaklings. "Dubs; fakes; hot air artists," were some of his descriptions of them. Their problem, however, was a hard one, for they had to think very vigorously in connection with any product which he might be trying to market, and to offer him endless suggestions [Pg 409] as to what would be the next best thing for a manufacturer to say or do to attract attention to what he had to sell. It might be a catch phrase such as "Have You Seen This New Soap?" or "Do You Know Soresda?—It's Red." It might be that a novelty in the way of hand or finger, eye or mouth was all that was required, carrying some appropriate explanation in type. Sometimes, as in the case of very practical products, their very practical display in some clear, interesting, attractive way was all that was needed. In most cases, though, something radically new was required, for it was the theory of Mr. Summerfield that his ads must not only arrest the eye, but fix themselves in the memory, and convey a fact which was or at least could be made to seem important to the reader. It was a struggling with one of the deepest and most interesting phases of human psychology.
The right man was definitely hard to find. The last guy was only somewhat capable. He was dignified, thoughtful, and had a good sense of taste and an awareness of what the material situation needed to communicate simple ideas, but he lacked a real imaginative understanding of life. In fact, no one who had ever sat in the director's chair ever truly suited Mr. Summerfield. In his opinion, they had all been weaklings. "Duds, fakes, hot air artists," were some of the terms he used to describe them. Their job was tough because they had to think seriously about any product he was trying to market and provide him with endless suggestions on what the next best move would be for a manufacturer to gain attention for their goods. It could be a catchy phrase like "Have You Seen This New Soap?" or "Do You Know Soresda?—It's Red." Sometimes, a novelty related to hands, fingers, eyes, or mouths that came with some fitting explanation in text was all that was needed. Other times, especially for very practical products, simply displaying them in a clear, interesting, and attractive manner was sufficient. However, in most cases, something completely new was necessary, because Mr. Summerfield believed that his ads had to not only catch the eye but also stick in the memory and convey a message that was, or at least could be made to seem, significant to the reader. It was a deep dive into one of the most fascinating aspects of human psychology.
The last man, Older Freeman, had been of considerable use to him in his way. He had collected about him a number of fairly capable artists—men temporarily down on their luck—who like Eugene were willing to take a working position of this character, and from them he had extracted by dint of pleading, cajoling, demonstrating and the like a number of interesting ideas. Their working hours were from nine to five-thirty, their pay meagre—eighteen to thirty-five, with experts drawing in several instances fifty and sixty dollars, and their tasks innumerable and really never-ending. Their output was regulated by a tabulated record system which kept account of just how much they succeeded in accomplishing in a week, and how much it was worth to the concern. The ideas on which they worked were more or less products of the brains of the art director and his superior, though they occasionally themselves made important suggestions, but for their proper execution, the amount of time spent on them, the failures sustained, the art director was more or less responsible. He could not carry to his employer a poor drawing of a good idea, or a poor idea for something which required a superior thought, and long hope to retain his position. Mr. Daniel C. Summerfield was too shrewd and too exacting. He was really tireless in his energy. It was his art director's business, he thought, to get him good ideas for good drawings and then to see that they were properly and speedily executed.
The last guy, Older Freeman, was pretty useful to him in his own way. He had gathered a group of fairly skilled artists—men who were temporarily out of luck—who, like Eugene, were willing to take on a job like this. From them, he managed to pull together a bunch of interesting ideas through pleading, coaxing, demonstrating, and the like. They worked from nine to five-thirty, their pay was low—between eighteen and thirty-five dollars, with some experts making fifty or sixty dollars in a few cases—and their tasks were countless and truly endless. Their output was tracked by a system that recorded exactly how much they accomplished in a week and what it was worth to the company. The ideas they worked on were mostly from the art director and his boss, though they occasionally offered valuable suggestions. However, for the proper execution of those ideas, the time spent on them, and the setbacks faced, the art director bore most of the responsibility. He couldn't take a poorly drawn good idea or a bad idea for something that needed a better concept to his boss and expect to keep his job. Mr. Daniel C. Summerfield was too sharp and too demanding. He believed it was his art director's job to come up with solid ideas for great drawings and then make sure they were executed efficiently and correctly.
Anything less than this was sickening failure in the eyes of Mr. Summerfield, and he was not at all bashful in expressing himself. As a matter of fact, he was at times terribly brutal. "Why the hell do you show me a thing like that?" he once [Pg 410] exclaimed to Freeman. "Jesus Christ; I could hire an ashman and get better results. Why, God damn it, look at the drawing of the arm of that woman. Look at her ear. Whose going to take a thing like that? It's tame! It's punk! It's a joke! What sort of cattle have you got out there working for you, anyhow? Why, if the Summerfield Advertising Company can't do better than that I might as well shut up the place and go fishing. We'll be a joke in six weeks. Don't try to hand me any such God damned tripe as that, Freeman. You know better. You ought to know our advertisers wouldn't stand for anything like that. Wake up! I'm paying you five thousand a year. How do you expect I'm going to get my money back out of any such arrangement as that? You're simply wasting my money and your time letting a man draw a thing like that. Hell!!"
Anything less than this was a complete failure in Mr. Summerfield's eyes, and he wasn't shy about saying so. In fact, he could be brutally honest at times. "Why the hell would you show me something like that?" he once [Pg 410] shouted at Freeman. "Jesus Christ; I could hire a trash collector and get better results. Look at the drawing of that woman's arm. Look at her ear. Who's going to accept something like that? It’s boring! It’s pathetic! It’s a joke! What kind of people do you have working for you? If the Summerfield Advertising Company can't do better than this, I might as well close up shop and go fishing. We’ll be a laughingstock in six weeks. Don’t try to shove this garbage at me, Freeman. You know better. You should know our advertisers won’t tolerate anything like this. Wake up! I’m paying you five thousand a year. How do you expect me to get my money back with something like this? You're just wasting my money and your time letting someone draw like that. Damn it!!"
The art director, whoever he was, having been by degrees initiated into the brutalities of the situation, and having—by reason of the time he had been employed and the privileges he had permitted himself on account of his comfortable and probably never before experienced salary—sold himself into bondage to his now fancied necessities, was usually humble and tractable under the most galling fire. Where could he go and get five thousand dollars a year for his services? How could he live at the rate he was living if he lost this place? Art directorships were not numerous. Men who could fill them fairly acceptably were not impossible to find. If he thought at all and was not a heaven-born genius serene in the knowledge of his God-given powers, he was very apt to hesitate, to worry, to be humble and to endure a good deal. Most men under similar circumstances do the same thing. They think before they fling back into the teeth of their oppressors some of the slurs and brutal characterizations which so frequently issue therefrom. Most men do. Besides there is almost always a high percentage of truth in the charges made. Usually the storm is for the betterment of mankind. Mr. Summerfield knew this. He knew also the yoke of poverty and the bondage of fear which most if not all his men were under. He had no compunctions about using these weapons, much as a strong man might use a club. He had had a hard life himself. No one had sympathized with him very much. Besides you couldn't sympathize and succeed. Better look the facts in the face, deal only with infinite capacity, roughly weed out the incompetents and proceed along the line of least resistance, in so far as your powerful enemies were concerned. Men might theorize and theorize until the crack [Pg 411] of doom, but this was the way the thing had to be done and this was the way he preferred to do it.
The art director, whoever he was, gradually becoming aware of the harsh realities of the situation, and having—due to the time he had worked and the privileges he had allowed himself because of his comfortable and likely unprecedented salary—essentially sold himself into a kind of dependency on his now-imagined needs, was usually humble and compliant under intense pressure. Where else could he earn five thousand dollars a year for his work? How could he maintain his current lifestyle if he lost this job? Art director positions were scarce. It wasn't impossible to find men who could fill them reasonably well. If he thought at all and wasn't a naturally talented genius confident in his abilities, he was likely to hesitate, worry, be humble, and endure quite a bit. Most men in similar situations do the same. They think before they respond to their oppressors with some of the insults and harsh judgments that often come their way. Most men do. Moreover, there’s usually a lot of truth in those accusations. Often the storm serves to improve the situation for everyone. Mr. Summerfield understood this. He also recognized the burden of poverty and the chains of fear that most, if not all, his employees carried. He had no qualms about wielding these tactics, much like a strong man uses a club. He had lived a tough life himself. Few had shown him any sympathy. Plus, you couldn’t both feel sympathy and succeed. It was better to face the facts head-on, deal only with those who were truly capable, roughly filter out the incompetent, and follow the path of least resistance concerning his powerful enemies. People could theorize endlessly, but this was how it needed to be done, and this was the approach he preferred to take.
Eugene had never heard of any of these facts in connection with the Summerfield Company. The idea had been flung at him so quickly he had no time to think, and besides if he had had time it would have made no difference. A little experience of life had taught him as it teaches everyone else to mistrust rumor. He had applied for the place on hearing and he was hoping to get it. At noon the day following his visit to Mr. Baker Bates, the latter was speaking for him to Mr. Summerfield, but only very casually.
Eugene had never heard any of these things related to the Summerfield Company. The idea had been thrown at him so quickly that he didn't have time to think, and even if he had, it wouldn't have changed anything. A bit of life experience had taught him, like it does everyone else, to be wary of rumors. He had applied for the job after hearing about it and was hoping to get it. By noon the day after his meeting with Mr. Baker Bates, Bates was mentioning him to Mr. Summerfield, but only in passing.
"Say," he asked, quite apropos of nothing apparently, for they were discussing the chances of his introducing his product into South America, "do you ever have need of an art director over in your place?"
"Say," he asked, seemingly out of nowhere, since they were discussing the chances of him bringing his product to South America, "do you ever need an art director at your place?"
"Occasionally," replied Summerfield guardedly, for his impression was that Mr. Baker Bates knew very little of art directors or anything else in connection with the art side of advertising life. He might have heard of his present need and be trying to palm off some friend of his, an incompetent, of course, on him. "What makes you ask?"
"Sometimes," Summerfield replied cautiously, as he felt that Mr. Baker Bates didn’t really understand art directors or anything related to the artistic side of advertising. He might have heard about his current need and could be attempting to recommend one of his friends, likely someone unqualified. "What makes you ask?"
"Why, Hudson Dula, the manager of the Triple Lithographic Company, was telling me of a man who is connected with the World who might make a good one for you. I know something of him. He painted some rather remarkable views of New York and Paris here a few years ago. Dula tells me they were very good."
"Why, Hudson Dula, the manager of the Triple Lithographic Company, was telling me about a guy who works with the World and could be a great fit for you. I know a bit about him. He painted some pretty impressive views of New York and Paris here a few years back. Dula says they were really good."
"Is he young?" interrupted Summerfield, calculating.
"Is he young?" interrupted Summerfield, thinking it over.
"Yes, comparatively. Thirty-one or two, I should say."
"Yeah, probably around thirty-one or thirty-two, I would say."
"And he wants to be an art director, does he. Where is he?"
"And he wants to be an art director, huh? Where is he?"
"He's down on the World, and I understand he wants to get out of there. I heard you say last year that you were looking for a man, and I thought this might interest you."
"He's fed up with the World, and I get that he wants to leave. I remember you mentioning last year that you were looking for a guy, so I thought this might catch your attention."
"What's he doing down on the World?"
"What's he doing down on the World?"
"He's been sick, I understand, and is just getting on his feet again."
"He's been unwell, I get it, and is just starting to recover."
The explanation sounded sincere enough to Summerfield.
The explanation sounded genuine enough to Summerfield.
"What's his name?" he asked.
"What's his name?" he asked.
"Witla, Eugene Witla. He had an exhibition at one of the galleries here a few years ago."
"Witla, Eugene Witla. He had an exhibit at one of the galleries here a few years back."
"I'm afraid of these regular high-brow artists," observed Summerfield suspiciously. "They're usually so set up about their art that there's no living with them. I have to have someone with hard, practical sense in my work. Someone that isn't a [Pg 412] plain damn fool. He has to be a good manager—a good administrator, mere talent for drawing won't do—though he has to have that, or know it when he sees it. You might send this fellow around sometime if you know him. I wouldn't mind looking at him. I may need a man pretty soon. I'm thinking of making certain changes."
"I'm wary of these typical high-minded artists," Summerfield remarked skeptically. "They're usually so full of themselves about their art that they’re impossible to deal with. I need someone with practical sense in my work. Someone who isn’t a complete fool. They have to be a good manager—a good administrator; just talent for drawing isn’t enough—though they should have that, or at least recognize it when they see it. If you know this guy, maybe you could send him my way sometime. I wouldn't mind checking him out. I might need someone pretty soon. I'm considering making some changes."
"If I see him I will," said Baker indifferently and dropped the matter. Summerfield, however, for some psychological reason was impressed with the name. Where had he heard it? Somewhere apparently. Perhaps he had better find out something about him.
"If I see him, I will," Baker said casually, and dropped the subject. Summerfield, however, was strangely intrigued by the name. Where had he heard it? It felt familiar somehow. Maybe he should look into it a bit more.
"If you send him you'd better give him a letter of introduction," he added thoughtfully, before Bates should have forgotten the matter. "So many people try to get in to see me, and I may forget."
"If you send him, you’d better give him a letter of introduction," he added thoughtfully, before Bates could forget about it. "So many people try to see me, and I might forget."
Baker knew at once that Summerfield wished to look at Witla. He dictated a letter of introduction that afternoon to his stenographer and mailed it to Eugene.
Baker instantly realized that Summerfield wanted to see Witla. He dictated a letter of introduction to his assistant that afternoon and mailed it to Eugene.
"I find Mr. Summerfield apparently disposed to see you," he wrote. "You had better go and see him if you are interested. Present this letter. Very truly yours."
"I see that Mr. Summerfield seems willing to meet with you," he wrote. "You should go see him if you're interested. Show him this letter. Best regards."
Eugene looked at it with astonishment and a sense of foregoneness so far as what was to follow. Fate was fixing this for him. He was going to get it. How strange life was! Here he was down on the World working for fifty dollars a week, and suddenly an art directorship, a thing he had thought of for years, was coming to him out of nowhere! Then he decided to telephone Mr. Daniel Summerfield, saying that he had a letter from Mr. Baker Bates and asking when he could see him. Later he decided to waste no time, but to present the letter direct without phoning. At three in the afternoon he received permission from Benedict to be away from the office between three and five, and at three-thirty he was in the anteroom of the general offices of the Summerfield Advertising Company, waiting for a much desired permission to enter.
Eugene stared at it in disbelief, feeling a sense of inevitability about what was about to happen. Fate was making this happen for him. He was going to get it. Life was so strange! Here he was, stuck in the World earning fifty dollars a week, and suddenly, out of nowhere, an art directorship—a position he had dreamed about for years—was coming his way! He then decided to call Mr. Daniel Summerfield to mention that he had a letter from Mr. Baker Bates and ask when he could meet him. Later, he thought it would be better to skip the call and just deliver the letter in person. At three in the afternoon, he got permission from Benedict to leave the office between three and five, and by three-thirty, he was in the waiting room of the general offices of the Summerfield Advertising Company, anticipating the much-wanted permission to enter.
CHAPTER XXXIII
When Eugene called, Mr. Daniel C. Summerfield was in no great rush about any particular matter, but he had decided in this case as he had in many others that it was very important that anyone who wanted anything from him should be made to wait. Eugene was made to wait a solid hour before he was informed by an underling that he was very sorry but that other matters had so detained Mr. Summerfield that it was now impossible for him to see him at all this day, but that tomorrow at twelve he would be glad to see him. Eugene was finally admitted on the morrow, however, and then, at the first glance, Mr. Summerfield liked him. "A man of intelligence," he thought, as he leaned back in his chair and stared at him. "A man of force. Young still, wide-eyed, quick, clean looking. Perhaps I have found someone in this man who will make a good art director." He smiled, for Summerfield was always good-natured in his opening relationships—usually so in all of them, and took most people (his employees and prospective employees particularly) with an air of superior but genial condescension.
When Eugene called, Mr. Daniel C. Summerfield wasn’t in a hurry about anything in particular, but he had decided, as he often did, that it was important for anyone who wanted something from him to wait. Eugene had to wait a full hour before an assistant informed him that Mr. Summerfield was very sorry, but he was tied up with other matters and couldn’t meet with him at all that day. However, he would be happy to see him tomorrow at noon. When Eugene was finally admitted the next day, Mr. Summerfield liked him at first sight. “A smart guy,” he thought as he leaned back in his chair and looked at him. “A strong presence. Still young, bright-eyed, quick, and sharp-looking. Maybe I’ve found someone who will make a good art director.” He smiled, since Summerfield was usually good-natured in his initial interactions—generally in all of them—and treated most people (especially his employees and potential employees) with a mix of superior but friendly condescension.
"Sit down! Sit down!" he exclaimed cheerfully and Eugene did so, looking about at the handsomely decorated walls, the floor which was laid with a wide, soft, light brown rug, and the mahogany desk, flat-topped, glass covered, on which lay handsome ornaments of silver, ivory and bronze. This man looked so keen, so dynamic, like a polished Japanese carving, hard and smooth.
"Sit down! Sit down!" he said cheerfully, and Eugene did, glancing around at the beautifully decorated walls, the floor covered with a wide, soft light brown rug, and the mahogany desk that was flat-topped and glass-covered, adorned with elegant ornaments of silver, ivory, and bronze. This man appeared so sharp, so energetic, like a finely crafted Japanese sculpture, hard and smooth.
"Now tell me all about yourself," began Summerfield. "Where do you come from? Who are you? What have you done?"
"Now share your story with me," Summerfield started. "Where are you from? Who are you? What have you done?"
"Hold! Hold!" said Eugene easily and tolerantly. "Not so fast. My history isn't so much. The short and simple annals of the poor. I'll tell you in two or three sentences."
"Wait! Wait!" Eugene said calmly and kindly. "Not so fast. My story isn't that exciting. It's just a brief and simple account of a struggling life. I can sum it up in a couple of sentences."
Summerfield was a little taken back at this abruptness which was generated by his own attitude; still he liked it. This was something new to him. His applicant wasn't frightened or apparently even nervous so far as he could judge. "He is droll," he thought, "sufficiently so—a man who has seen a number of things evidently. He is easy in manner, too, and kindly."
Summerfield was a bit taken aback by this abruptness, which his own attitude had caused; still, he liked it. This was something new for him. His applicant wasn't scared or, as far as he could tell, even nervous. "He’s amusing," he thought, "definitely a guy who has experienced a lot. He has a relaxed manner, too, and seems kind."
"Well," he said smilingly, for Eugene's slowness appealed to him. His humor was something new in art directors. So far [Pg 414] as he could recall, his predecessors had never had any to speak of.
"Well," he said with a smile, because he found Eugene's slow pace relatable. His sense of humor was a refreshing change among art directors. To his memory, none of his predecessors had much humor at all.
"Well, I'm an artist," said Eugene, "working on the World. Let's hope that don't militate against me very much."
"Well, I'm an artist," said Eugene, "working on the World. Let's hope that doesn't hold me back too much."
"It don't," said Summerfield.
"It doesn't," said Summerfield.
"And I want to become an art director because I think I'd make a good one."
"And I want to be an art director because I believe I'd do well in that role."
"Why?" asked Summerfield, his even teeth showing amiably.
"Why?" asked Summerfield, his straight teeth showing friendly.
"Well, because I like to manage men, or I think I do. And they take to me."
"Well, because I like to manage people, or at least I think I do. And they respond well to me."
"You know that?"
"Did you know that?"
"I do. In the next place I know too much about art to want to do the little things that I'm doing. I can do bigger things."
"I do. Plus, I know too much about art to want to focus on the small stuff I'm working on. I can handle bigger projects."
"I like that also," applauded Summerfield. He was thinking that Eugene was nice and good looking, a little pale and thin to be wholly forceful, perhaps, he wasn't sure. His hair a little too long. His manner, perhaps, a bit too deliberate. Still he was nice. Why did he wear a soft hat? Why did artists always insist on wearing soft hats, most of them? It was so ridiculous, so unbusinesslike.
"I like that too," praised Summerfield. He was thinking that Eugene was nice and good-looking, a bit pale and thin to be really assertive, maybe he wasn't sure. His hair was a bit too long. His manner, perhaps, a little too deliberate. Still, he was nice. Why did he wear a soft hat? Why did most artists always insist on wearing soft hats? It was so silly, so unprofessional.
"How much do you get?" he added, "if it's a fair question."
"How much do you make?" he added, "if that's a fair question."
"Less than I'm worth," said Eugene. "Only fifty dollars. But I took it as a sort of health cure. I had a nervous breakdown several years ago—better now, as Mulvaney used to say—and I don't want to stay at that. I'm an art director by temperament, or I think I am. Anyhow, here I am."
"Less than I deserve," said Eugene. "Just fifty bucks. But I accepted it as a kind of therapy. I had a nervous breakdown a few years back—doing better now, as Mulvaney used to say—and I don’t want to settle for that. I’m an art director at heart, or at least I think I am. Anyway, here I am."
"You mean," said Summerfield, "you never ran an art department before?"
"You mean," Summerfield said, "you've never managed an art department before?"
"Never."
"Never."
"Know anything about advertising?"
"Do you know about advertising?"
"I used to think so."
"I thought so."
"How long ago was that?"
"How long ago was that?"
"When I worked on the Alexandria, Illinois, Daily Appeal."
"When I worked on the Alexandria, Illinois, Daily Appeal."
Summerfield smiled. He couldn't help it.
Summerfield smiled. He couldn't help it.
"That's almost as important as the Wickham Union, I fancy. It sounds as if it might have the same wide influence."
"That's almost as important as the Wickham Union, I think. It seems like it could have the same broad impact."
"Oh, much more, much more," returned Eugene quietly. "The Alexandria Appeal had the largest exclusively country circulation of any county south of the Sangamon."
"Oh, a lot more, a lot more," replied Eugene softly. "The Alexandria Appeal had the biggest country-only circulation of any county south of the Sangamon."
"I see! I see!" replied Summerfield good-humoredly. "It's all day with the Wickham Union. Well, how was it you came to change your mind?"
"I get it! I get it!" replied Summerfield cheerfully. "It's all about the Wickham Union all day. So, what made you change your mind?"
"Well, I got a few years older for one thing," said Eugene. "And then I decided that I was cut out to be the greatest living [Pg 415] artist, and then I came to New York, and in the excitement I almost lost the idea."
"Well, I got a few years older, for starters," said Eugene. "And then I decided I was meant to be the greatest living [Pg 415] artist, so I came to New York, and in all the excitement, I nearly lost sight of that idea."
"I see."
"Got it."
"But I have it again, thank heaven, tied up back of the house, and here I am."
"But I have it again, thank goodness, tied up behind the house, and here I am."
"Well, Witla, to tell you the truth you don't look like a real live, every day, sure-enough art director, but you might make good. You're not quite art-y enough according to the standards that prevail around this office. Still I might be willing to take one gosh-awful chance. I suppose if I do I'll get stung as usual, but I've been stung so often that I ought to be used to it by now. I feel sort of spotted at times from the hornets I've hired in the past. But, be that as it may, what do you think you could do with a real live art directorship if you had it?"
"Well, Witla, to be honest, you don't look like a typical art director, but you might surprise us. You’re not quite artsy enough by the standards around here. Still, I might be willing to take a big risk. I guess if I do, I'll get burned as usual, but I’ve been burned so many times that I should be used to it by now. Sometimes I feel a bit marked from the mistakes I've made in the past. But anyway, what do you think you could do with a real art director position if you had the chance?"
Eugene mused. This persiflage entertained him. He thought Summerfield would hire him now that they were together.
Eugene thought to himself. This playful banter amused him. He believed Summerfield would hire him now that they were together.
"Oh, I'd draw my salary first and then I'd see that I had the proper system of approach so that any one who came to see me would think I was the King of England, and then I'd——"
"Oh, I'd get my paycheck first and then make sure I had the right way of handling things so that anyone who came to see me would think I was the King of England, and then I'd——"
"I was really busy yesterday," interpolated Summerfield apologetically.
"I was really busy yesterday," Summerfield said apologetically.
"I'm satisfied of that," replied Eugene gaily. "And finally I might condescend, if I were coaxed enough, to do a little work."
"I'm glad about that," replied Eugene cheerfully. "And if you persuade me enough, I might finally agree to do a bit of work."
This speech at once irritated and amused Mr. Summerfield. He liked a man of spirit. You could do something with someone who wasn't afraid, even if he didn't know so much to begin with. And Eugene knew a good deal, he fancied. Besides, his talk was precisely in his own sarcastic, semi-humorous vein. Coming from Eugene it did not sound so hard as it would have coming from himself, but it had his own gay, bantering attitude of mind in it. He believed Eugene could make good. He wanted to try him, instanter, anyhow.
This speech both irritated and amused Mr. Summerfield. He appreciated a person with spirit. You could work with someone who wasn’t afraid, even if they didn’t have all the knowledge at first. And Eugene thought he knew quite a bit. Plus, his way of speaking had that same sarcastic, semi-humorous tone that Mr. Summerfield enjoyed. Coming from Eugene, it didn’t sound as harsh as it would have if Mr. Summerfield had said it himself, but it carried his own cheerful, teasing mindset. He believed Eugene could succeed. He wanted to give him a chance right away, anyway.
"Well, I'll tell you what, Witla," he finally observed. "I don't know whether you can run this thing or not—the probabilities are all against you as I have said, but you seem to have some ideas or what might be made some under my direction, and I think I'll give you a chance. Mind you, I haven't much confidence. My personal likes usually prove very fatal to me. Still, you're here, and I like your looks and I haven't seen anyone else, and so——"
"Well, let me tell you, Witla," he finally said. "I’m not sure if you can handle this thing or not—the odds are definitely against you, as I mentioned before, but you seem to have some ideas about what could be done under my guidance, and I think I'll give you a shot. Just so you know, I’m not too confident. My personal preferences usually turn out to be a disaster for me. Still, you're here, and I like the way you look, and I haven’t seen anyone else, so——"
"Thanks," said Eugene.
"Thanks," Eugene said.
"Don't thank me. You have a hard job ahead of you if I [Pg 416] take you. It's no child's play. You'd better come with me first and look over the place," and he led the way out into the great central room where, because it was still noon time, there were few people working, but where one could see just how imposing this business really was.
"Don't thank me. You've got a tough job ahead if I [Pg 416] take you on. It's not easy. You should come with me first and check out the place," and he led the way into the large central room where, since it was still noon, there were only a few people working, but you could see just how impressive this business really was.
"Seventy-two stenographers, book-keepers, canvassers and writers and trade-aid people at their desks," he observed with an easy wave of his hand, and moved on into the art department, which was in another wing of the building where a north and east light could be secured. "Here's where you come in," he observed, throwing open the door where thirty-two artists' desks and easels were ranged. Eugene was astonished.
"Seventy-two stenographers, bookkeepers, canvassers, writers, and trade-aid people at their desks," he said with a casual wave of his hand, then moved on into the art department, which was in another part of the building where they could get light from the north and east. "This is where you come in," he said, opening the door to reveal thirty-two artists' desks and easels lined up. Eugene was amazed.
"You don't employ that many, do you?" he asked interestedly. Most of the men were out to lunch.
"You don't have that many employees, do you?" he asked with interest. Most of the men were out to lunch.
"From twenty to twenty-five all the time, sometimes more," he said. "Some on the outside. It depends on the condition of business."
"From twenty to twenty-five all the time, sometimes more," he said. "Some on the outside. It depends on how business is doing."
"And how much do you pay them, as a rule?"
"And how much do you usually pay them?"
"Well, that depends. I think I'll give you seventy-five dollars a week to begin with, if we come to an understanding. If you make good I'll make it a hundred dollars a week inside of three months. It all depends. The others we don't pay so much. The business manager can tell you."
"Well, that depends. I think I'll start you off at seventy-five dollars a week, as long as we come to an agreement. If you do well, I'll bump it up to a hundred dollars a week within three months. It's all about performance. We don't pay the others as much. The business manager can fill you in."
Eugene noticed the evasion. His eyes narrowed. Still there was a good chance here. Seventy-five dollars was considerably better than fifty and it might lead to more. He would be his own boss—a man of some consequence. He could not help stiffening with pride a little as he looked at the room which Summerfield pointed out to him as his own if he came—a room where a large, highly polished oak desk was placed and where some of the Summerfield Advertising Company's art products were hung on the walls. There was a nice rug on the floor and some leather-backed chairs.
Eugene noticed the avoidance. His eyes narrowed. Still, there was a good opportunity here. Seventy-five dollars was much better than fifty, and it could lead to more. He would be his own boss—a person of some importance. He couldn’t help but feel a bit of pride as he looked at the room that Summerfield pointed out as his own if he joined—the room with a large, shiny oak desk and some of the Summerfield Advertising Company's art displayed on the walls. There was a nice rug on the floor and some leather-backed chairs.
"Here's where you will be if you come here," said Summerfield.
"Here’s where you’ll be if you come here," said Summerfield.
Eugene gazed round. Certainly life was looking up. How was he to get this place? On what did it depend? His mind was running forward to various improvements in his affairs, a better apartment for Angela, better clothes for her, more entertainment for both of them, freedom from worry over the future; for a little bank account would soon result from a place like this.
Eugene looked around. Life was definitely getting better. How was he going to get this place? What did it depend on? His mind was racing ahead to different ways to improve his situation: a nicer apartment for Angela, better clothes for her, more fun for both of them, and being free from worrying about the future; a small savings account would soon come from a place like this.
"Do you do much business a year?" Eugene asked curiously.
"Do you do a lot of business in a year?" Eugene asked with curiosity.
"Oh, about two million dollars' worth."
"Oh, about two million dollars."
[Pg 417] "And you have to make drawings for every ad?"
[Pg 417] "And you need to create illustrations for each ad?"
"Exactly, not one but six or eight sometimes. It depends upon the ability of the art director. If he does his work right I save money."
"Exactly, not just one but sometimes six or eight. It depends on how skilled the art director is. If he does his job well, I save money."
Eugene saw the point.
Eugene got the point.
"What became of the other man?" he asked, noting the name of Older Freeman on the door.
"What happened to the other guy?" he asked, noticing the name Older Freeman on the door.
"Oh, he quit," said Summerville, "or rather he saw what was coming and got out of the way. He was no good. He was too weak. He was turning out work here which was a joke—some things had to be done over eight and nine times."
"Oh, he quit," said Summerville, "or really he recognized what was coming and stepped aside. He wasn’t any good. He was too weak. The work he was producing here was a joke—some things had to be redone eight or nine times."
Eugene discovered the wrath and difficulties and opposition which went with this. Summerfield was a hard man, plainly. He might smile and joke now, but anyone who took that chair would hear from him constantly. For a moment Eugene felt as though he could not do it, as though he had better not try it, and then he thought, "Why shouldn't I? It can't hurt me. If worst comes to worst, I have my art to fall back on."
Eugene realized the anger, challenges, and resistance that came with this. Summerfield was clearly a tough guy. He might smile and joke now, but anyone who took that chair would hear from him all the time. For a moment, Eugene felt like he couldn't do it, like he shouldn't even try, and then he thought, "Why not? It won't hurt me. If things go really bad, I can always rely on my art."
"Well, so it goes," he said. "If I don't make good, the door for mine, I suppose?"
"Well, that's how it is," he said. "If I don't succeed, I guess I'm out the door?"
"No, no, nothing so easy," chuckled Summerfield; "the coal chute."
"No, no, nothing is that simple," chuckled Summerfield; "the coal chute."
Eugene noticed that he champed his teeth like a nervous horse, and that he seemed fairly to radiate waves of energy. For himself he winced the least bit. This was a grim, fighting atmosphere he was coming into. He would have to fight for his life here—no doubt of that.
Eugene realized he was grinding his teeth like a nervous horse and that he seemed to give off intense waves of energy. He felt a twinge of discomfort. This was a tough, combative environment he was entering. He would definitely have to fight for his survival here.
"Now," said Summerfield, when they were strolling back to his own office. "I'll tell you what you might do. I have two propositions, one from the Sand Perfume Company and another from the American Crystal Sugar Refining Company which may mean big contracts for me if I can present them the right line of ideas for advertising. They want to advertise. The Sand Company wants suggestions for bottles, labels, car ads, newspaper ads, posters, and so on. The American Crystal Company wants to sell its sugar in small packages, powdered, grained, cubed, hexagoned. We want package forms, labels, posters ads, and so on for that. It's a question of how much novelty, simplicity and force we can put in the smallest possible space. Now I depend upon my art director to tell me something about these things. I don't expect him to do everything. I'm here and I'll help him. I have men in the trade aid department out there who are wonders at making suggestions along this line, but the art director is supposed to help. [Pg 418] He's the man who is supposed to have the taste and can execute the proposition in its last form. Now suppose you take these two ideas and see what you can do with them. Bring me some suggestions. If they suit me and I think you have the right note, I'll hire you. If not, well then I won't, and no harm done. Is that all right?"
"Now," said Summerfield as they walked back to his office, "here’s what you could do. I've got two proposals: one from the Sand Perfume Company and another from the American Crystal Sugar Refining Company. If I can pitch them the right advertising ideas, it could lead to big contracts for me. They want to advertise. The Sand Company is looking for ideas for bottles, labels, car ads, newspaper ads, posters, and so on. The American Crystal Company wants to sell its sugar in small packages—powdered, granulated, cubed, hexagonal. We need package designs, labels, poster ads, and stuff like that. It’s all about how much novelty, simplicity, and impact we can fit into a small space. I rely on my art director to give me insights on these things. I don’t expect him to handle everything. I’m here to support him. I have people in the trade aid department who are fantastic at coming up with suggestions, but the art director is meant to guide as well. [Pg 418] He’s the one with taste who can bring the idea to its final form. So, why don’t you take these two concepts and see what you can come up with? Bring me some suggestions. If they resonate with me and I think you're on the right track, I'll hire you. If not, then no worries. Sound good?"
"That's all right," said Eugene.
"That's okay," said Eugene.
Mr. Summerfield handed him a bundle of papers, catalogues, prospectuses, communications. "You can look these over if you want to. Take them along and then bring them back."
Mr. Summerfield handed him a stack of papers, catalogs, brochures, and messages. "You can go through these if you want. Take them with you and then bring them back."
Eugene rose.
Eugene got up.
"I'd like to have two or three days for this," he said. "It's a new proposition to me. I think I can give you some ideas—I'm not sure. Anyhow, I'd like to try."
"I'd like to have two or three days for this," he said. "It's a new proposal for me. I think I can give you some ideas—I'm not sure. Either way, I'd like to give it a shot."
"Go ahead! Go ahead!" said Summerfield, "the more the merrier. And I'll see you any time you're ready. I have a man out there—Freeman's assistant—who's running things for me temporarily. Here's luck," and he waved his hand indifferently.
"Go for it! Go for it!" said Summerfield, "the more the merrier. I’ll be here whenever you’re ready. I have someone out there—Freeman's assistant—who’s handling things for me for now. Here’s to good luck," and he waved his hand casually.
Eugene went out. Was there ever such a man, so hard, so cold, so practical! It was a new note to him. He was simply astonished, largely because he was inexperienced. He had not yet gone up against the business world as those who try to do anything in a big way commercially must. This man was getting on his nerves already, making him feel that he had a tremendous problem before him, making him think that the quiet realms of art were merely the backwaters of oblivion. Those who did anything, who were out in the front row of effort, were fighters such as this man was, raw products of the soil, ruthless, superior, indifferent. If only he could be that way, he thought. If he could be strong, defiant, commanding, what a thing it would be. Not to wince, not to quail, but to stand up firm, square to the world and make people obey. Oh, what a splendid vision of empire was here before him.
Eugene stepped outside. Was there ever a man like this, so tough, so distant, so practical? This was a new experience for him. He was genuinely shocked, mostly because he was inexperienced. He hadn’t faced the business world like those who aim to succeed on a large scale. This man was already getting on his nerves, making him feel like he had a huge challenge ahead of him and making him think that the peaceful world of art was just a dead end. Those who accomplished anything, who were in the forefront of effort, were fighters like this man—raw and ruthless, superior, indifferent. If only he could be like that, he thought. If he could be strong, defiant, commanding, it would be incredible. Not to flinch, not to back down, but to stand tall, firm against the world, and make people listen. Oh, what a magnificent vision of power lay before him.
CHAPTER XXXIV
The designs or suggestions which Eugene offered his prospective employer for the advertising of the products of M. Sand et Cie and the American Crystal Sugar Refining Company, were peculiar. As has been indicated, Eugene had one of those large, effervescent intelligences which when he was in good physical condition fairly bubbled ideas. His imaginings, without any effort on his part, naturally took all forms and shapes. The call of Mr. Summerfield was for street car cards, posters and newspaper ads of various sizes, and what he wanted Eugene specifically to supply was not so much the lettering or rather wording of the ads as it was their artistic form and illustrative point: what one particular suggestion in the form of a drawing or design could be made in each case which would arrest public attention. Eugene went home and took the sugar proposition under consideration first. He did not say anything of what he was really doing to Angela, because he did not want to disappoint her. He pretended that he was making sketches which he might offer to some company for a little money and because it amused him. By the light of his green shaded working lamp at home he sketched designs of hands holding squares of sugar, either in the fingers or by silver and gold sugar tongs, urns piled high with crystalline concoctions, a blue and gold after-dinner cup with one lump of the new form on the side against a section of snow white table cloth, and things of that character. He worked rapidly and with ease until he had some thirty-five suggestions on this one proposition alone, and then he turned his attention to the matter of the perfumery.
The designs or ideas Eugene pitched to his potential employer for advertising M. Sand et Cie and the American Crystal Sugar Refining Company were unique. As mentioned, Eugene had one of those vibrant, lively minds that, when he was feeling good, easily overflowed with ideas. His thoughts, without any effort on his part, naturally took on a variety of forms and shapes. Mr. Summerfield's request was for streetcar cards, posters, and newspaper ads of different sizes, and what he specifically wanted from Eugene was not just the words for the ads but their artistic style and visual appeal: which particular suggestion in the form of a drawing or design could capture the public's attention. Eugene went home and first considered the sugar proposal. He didn’t share with Angela what he was really up to because he didn’t want to let her down. He pretended he was sketching ideas he might present to some company for a bit of money, and because it amused him. Under the light of his green-shaded desk lamp at home, he sketched designs of hands holding sugar cubes, either pinched between fingers or held with silver and gold sugar tongs, urns overflowing with crystalline treats, a blue and gold after-dinner cup with one lump of the new form sitting on the side against a pristine white tablecloth, and other similar concepts. He worked quickly and effortlessly until he had around thirty-five ideas for this one proposal alone, and then he shifted his focus to the perfumery.
His first thought was that he did not know all the designs of the company's bottles, but he originated peculiar and delightful shapes of his own, some of which were afterwards adopted by the company. He designed boxes and labels to amuse himself and then made various still-life compositions such as a box, a bottle, a dainty handkerchief and a small white hand all showing in a row. His mind slipped to the manufacture of perfume, the growing of flowers, the gathering of blossoms, the type of girls and men that might possibly be employed, and then he hurried to the great public library the next day to see if he could find a book or magazine article which would tell him something about it. He found this and several articles on sugar [Pg 420] growing and refining which gave him new ideas in that direction. He decided that in each case he would put a beautifully designed bottle of perfume or a handsome package of sugar, say, in the upper right or lower left-hand corner of the design, and then for the rest show some scene in the process of its manufacture. He began to think of men who could carry out his ideas brilliantly if they were not already on his staff, letterers, character artists, men with a keen sense of color combination whom he might possibly hire cheaply. He thought of Jerry Mathews of the old Chicago Globe days—where was he now?—and Philip Shotmeyer, who would be almost ideal to work under his direction, for he was a splendid letterer, and Henry Hare, still of the World, with whom he had frequently talked on the subject of ads and posters. Then there was young Morgenbau, who was a most excellent character man, looking to him for some opportunity, and eight or ten men whose work he had admired in the magazines—the best known ones. He decided first to see what could be done with the staff that he had, and then to eliminate and fill in as rapidly as possible until he had a capable working group. He had already caught by contact with Summerfield some of that eager personage's ruthlessness and began to manifest it in his own attitude. He was most impressionable to things advantageous to himself, and this chance to rise to a higher level out of the slough of poverty in which he had so greatly suffered nerved him to the utmost effort. In two days he had a most impressive mass of material to show his prospective employer, and he returned to his presence with considerable confidence. The latter looked over his ideas carefully and then began to warm to his attitude of mind.
His first thought was that he didn’t know all the designs of the company’s bottles, but he came up with some unique and attractive shapes of his own, a few of which the company later adopted. He designed boxes and labels for his own enjoyment and created various still-life compositions featuring a box, a bottle, a delicate handkerchief, and a small white hand all displayed in a row. His thoughts turned to making perfume, growing flowers, gathering blossoms, and the kinds of men and women that might potentially be hired. The next day, he rushed to the big public library to see if he could find a book or magazine article that would teach him something about it. He found this and several articles on sugar [Pg 420] growing and refining, which sparked new ideas in that area. He decided that each time, he would place a beautifully designed perfume bottle or an attractive sugar package in the upper right or lower left corner of the design and then depict some scene from the manufacturing process for the rest. He started thinking about talented individuals who could execute his ideas brilliantly if they weren’t already part of his team—letterers, character artists, and people with a strong sense of color combinations that he might be able to hire affordably. He recalled Jerry Mathews from the old Chicago Globe days—where was he now?—and Philip Shotmeyer, who would be nearly perfect to work under his guidance since he was an excellent letterer. Then there was Henry Hare, still at the World, with whom he had often discussed ads and posters. He also thought of young Morgenbau, who was an outstanding character artist looking for an opportunity, and eight or ten men whose work he admired in the top magazines. He first decided to see what he could accomplish with his current staff and then quickly eliminate and fill in positions until he had a capable working group. He had already absorbed some of Summerfield’s eager ruthlessness through contact with him and began to show it in his own attitude. He was highly impressionable when it came to things that benefited him, and this chance to rise above the poverty he had endured fueled his determination. In just two days, he compiled a compelling collection of material to present to his potential employer and returned to him with significant confidence. The latter reviewed his ideas closely and then began to warm up to his mindset.
"I should say!" he said generously, "there's some life to this stuff. I can see you getting the five thousand a year all right if you keep on. You're a little new, but you've caught the drift." And he sat down to show him where some improvements from a practical point of view could be made.
"I'll say!" he said warmly, "there's some energy to this stuff. I can definitely see you earning five thousand a year if you keep it up. You're a bit new at this, but you’ve got the idea." Then he sat down to show him where some practical improvements could be made.
"Now, professor," he said finally when he was satisfied that Eugene was the man he wanted, "you and I might as well call this a deal. It's pretty plain to me that you've got something that I want. Some of these things are fine. I don't know how you're going to make out as a master of men, but you might as well take that desk out there and we'll begin right now. I wish you luck. I really do. You're a live wire, I think."
"Now, professor," he said finally when he was sure that Eugene was the guy he wanted, "let's just call this a deal. It's pretty obvious to me that you have something I want. Some of these things are great. I don't know how you'll do as a leader, but you might as well take that desk out there, and we can start right now. I wish you luck. I really do. You’re full of energy, I think."
Eugene thrilled with satisfaction. This was the result he wanted. No half-hearted commendation, but enthusiastic praise. [Pg 421] He must have it. He always felt that he could command it. People naturally ran after him. He was getting used to it by now—taking it as a matter of course. If he hadn't broken down, curse the luck, think where he could have been today. He had lost five years and he was not quite well yet, but thank God he was getting steadily better, and he would try and hold himself in check from now on. The world demanded it.
Eugene was filled with satisfaction. This was the outcome he wanted. No lukewarm compliments, but genuine admiration. [Pg 421] He had to have it. He always believed he could earn it. People naturally flocked to him. He was starting to accept it as normal. If he hadn't experienced a setback, damn the luck, think about where he could be today. He had lost five years and he wasn't fully recovered yet, but thankfully he was getting better each day, and he would try to keep himself in check from now on. The world expected it.
He went out with Summerfield into the art room and was there introduced by him to the various men employed. "Mr. Davis, Mr. Witla; Mr. Hart, Mr. Witla; Mr. Clemens, Mr. Witla," so it went, and the staff was soon aware of who he was. Summerfield then took him into the next room and introduced him to the various heads of departments, the business manager who fixed his and his artists' salaries, the cashier who paid him, the manager of the ad writing department, the manager of the trade aid department, and the head of the stenographic department, a woman. Eugene was a little disgusted with what he considered the crassness of these people. After the quality of the art atmosphere in which he had moved these people seemed to him somewhat raw and voracious, like fish. They had no refinement. Their looks and manners were unduly aggressive. He resented particularly the fact that one canvasser with whom he shook hands wore a bright red tie and had on yellow shoes. The insistence on department store models for suits and floor-walker manners pained him.
He went out with Summerfield into the art room, where Summerfield introduced him to the various men working there. "Mr. Davis, this is Mr. Witla; Mr. Hart, meet Mr. Witla; Mr. Clemens, this is Mr. Witla," and soon enough, everyone on staff knew who he was. Summerfield then took him into the next room and introduced him to the heads of different departments: the business manager who handled his and the artists' salaries, the cashier who paid him, the manager of the ad writing department, the manager of the trade aid department, and the head of the stenographic department, a woman. Eugene felt a bit disgusted by what he saw as the crudeness of these people. Coming from a more refined art environment, he found these individuals somewhat raw and aggressive, like fish. They lacked sophistication. Their looks and mannerisms were overly pushy. He particularly resented the fact that one canvasser he shook hands with wore a bright red tie and yellow shoes. The focus on department store styles for suits and the floor-walker attitudes bothered him.
"To hell with such cattle," he thought, but on the surface he smiled and shook hands and said how glad he would be to work with them. Finally when all the introductions were over he went back to his own department, to take up the work which rushed through here like a living stream, pellmell. His own staff was, of course, much more agreeable to him. These artists who worked for him interested him, for they were as he suspected men very much like himself, in poor health probably, or down on their luck and compelled to do this. He called for his assistant, Mr. Davis, whom Summerfield had introduced to him as such, and asked him to let him see how the work stood.
"Forget about those people," he thought, but on the surface, he smiled, shook hands, and said how happy he would be to work with them. Once all the introductions were done, he returned to his own department, where the work flowed through like a rushing stream, haphazardly. His own team was, of course, much more pleasant to him. The artists who worked for him intrigued him because, as he suspected, they were probably a lot like him—likely in poor health or down on their luck and forced to take this job. He called for his assistant, Mr. Davis, whom Summerfield had introduced to him, and asked him to show him the status of the work.
"Have you a schedule of the work in hand?" he asked easily.
"Do you have a schedule for the work we’re doing?" he asked casually.
"Yes, sir," said his new attendant.
"Sure thing, sir," said his new attendant.
"Let me see it."
"Show it to me."
The latter brought what he called his order book and showed him just how things worked. Each particular piece of work, or order as it was called, was given a number when it came in, the time of its entry marked on the slip, the name of the artist to whom it was assigned, the time taken to execute it, [Pg 422] and so forth. If one artist only put two hours on it and another took it and put four, this was noted. If the first drawing was a failure and a second begun, the records would show all, the slips and errors of the office as well as its speed and capacity. Eugene perceived that he must see to it that his men did not make many mistakes.
The latter brought what he called his order book and showed him how everything worked. Each specific task, or order as it was called, was assigned a number when it came in, with the time of its entry recorded on the slip, the name of the artist assigned to it, the time it took to complete, [Pg 422] and so on. If one artist only spent two hours on it and another took it and spent four, that was noted. If the first drawing was a failure and a second one was started, the records would reflect everything, including the slips and errors of the office as well as its speed and capacity. Eugene realized that he needed to make sure his team didn’t make too many mistakes.
After this order book had been carefully inspected by him, he rose and strolled about among the men to see how they were getting on. He wanted to familiarize himself at once with the styles and methods of his men. Some were working on clothing ads, some on designs illustrative of the beef industry, some on a railroad travel series for the street cars, and so forth. Eugene bent over each one graciously, for he wanted to make friends with these people and win their confidence. He knew from experience how sensitive artists were—how they could be bound by feelings of good fellowship. He had a soft, easy, smiling manner which he hoped would smooth his way for him. He leaned over this man's shoulder and that asking what the point was, how long a piece of work of that character ought to take, suggesting where a man appeared to be in doubt what he thought would be advisable. He was not at all certain of himself—this line of work being so new—but he was hopeful and eager. It was a fine sensation, this being a boss, if one could only triumph at it. He hoped to help these men to help themselves; to make them make good in ways which would bring them and him more money. He wanted more money—that five thousand, no less.
After he carefully checked the order book, he got up and walked around to see how the team was doing. He wanted to quickly get a feel for his team’s styles and methods. Some were working on clothing ads, some on designs for the beef industry, and some on a series of ads for streetcar travel, among other things. Eugene leaned over each person kindly, aiming to befriend them and earn their trust. He understood from experience how sensitive artists could be—how they could be motivated by camaraderie. He had a soft, easygoing smile that he hoped would help him connect. He leaned over one person’s shoulder and then another, asking what the focus was, how long this type of work should take, and suggesting solutions when someone seemed uncertain. He wasn’t entirely confident—this line of work was new to him—but he felt hopeful and eager. It was an exhilarating feeling, being a boss, if he could just succeed at it. He wanted to help these guys help themselves, find success that would bring in more money for both them and him. He wanted more money—at least five thousand.
"I think you have the right idea there," he said to one pale, anæmic worker who looked as though he might have a lot of talent.
"I think you're onto something," he said to a pale, anemic worker who seemed like he could have a lot of talent.
The man, whose name was Dillon, responded to the soothing, caressing tone of his voice. He liked Eugene's appearance, though he was not at all disposed to pass favorable judgment as yet. It was already rumored that he had had an exceptional career as an artist. Summerfield had attended to that. He looked up and smiled and said, "Do you think so?"
The man, named Dillon, reacted to the soothing, gentle tone of his voice. He liked Eugene's looks, but he wasn't ready to form a positive opinion just yet. There were already rumors about Eugene's impressive career as an artist. Summerfield had taken care of that. He looked up, smiled, and said, "Do you really think so?"
"I certainly do," said Eugene cheerfully. "Try a touch of yellow next to that blue. See if you don't like that."
"I definitely do," said Eugene happily. "Try adding a splash of yellow next to that blue. See if you aren’t a fan of that."
The artist did as requested and squinted at it narrowly. "It helps it a lot, don't it," he observed, as though it were his own.
The artist did what was asked and looked at it closely. "It makes a big difference, doesn’t it?" he noted, as if it were his own work.
"It certainly does," said Eugene, "that's a good idea," and somehow Dillon felt as though he had thought of it. Inside of twenty minutes the whole staff was agreeing with itself that [Pg 423] he was a nice man to all outward appearances and that he might make good. He appeared to be so sure. They little knew how perturbed he was inwardly, how anxious he was to get all the threads of this in his hand and to see that everything came to an ideal fruition. He dreaded the hour when he might have something to contend with which was not quite right.
"It definitely does," said Eugene, "that’s a great idea," and somehow Dillon felt like he had come up with it. Within twenty minutes, the whole team was agreeing that [Pg 423] he seemed like a nice guy on the surface and that he could really make it work. He looked so confident. They had no idea how troubled he was inside, how eager he was to handle all the details and ensure everything turned out perfectly. He feared the moment when he might face a challenge that wasn’t quite right.
Days passed at this new work and then weeks, and by degrees he grew moderately sure of himself and comparatively easy in his seat, though he realized that he had not stepped into a bed of roses. He found this a most tempestuous office to work in, for Summerfield was, as he expressed it, "on the job" early and late, and tireless in his insistence and enthusiasm. He came down from his residence in the upper portion of the city at eight-fifty in the morning and remained almost invariably until six-thirty and seven and not infrequently until eight and nine in the evening. He had the inconsiderate habit of keeping such of his staff as happened to be working upon the thing in which he was interested until all hours of the night; sometimes transferring his deliberations to his own home and that without dinner or the proffer of it to those whom he made to work. He would talk advertising with one big merchant or another until it was time to go home, and would then call in the weary members of his staff before they had time to escape and begin a long and important discussion of something he wanted done. At times, when anything went wrong, he would fly into an insane fury, rave and curse and finally, perhaps, discharge the one who was really not to blame. There were no end of labored and irritating conferences in which hard words and sarcastic references would fly about, for he had no respect for the ability or personality of anyone who worked for him. They were all more or less machines in his estimation and rather poorly constructed ones at that. Their ideas were not good enough unless for the time being they happened to be new, or as in Eugene's case displaying pronounced talent.
Days turned into weeks at this new job, and gradually he became a bit more confident and comfortable in his role, even though he knew he hadn't stepped into an easy situation. He found the office to be quite chaotic, as Summerfield was, as he put it, "on the job" from early in the morning until late at night, relentless in his demands and enthusiasm. He would come down from his place in the upper city at 8:50 AM and usually stay until 6:30 or 7:00, and often until 8:00 or 9:00 PM. He had the annoying habit of keeping staff members who were involved in projects he was passionate about working late into the night; sometimes he would even move discussions to his home without offering dinner or even considering the needs of those he kept working. He would discuss advertising with various big merchants until it was time to leave, then call in his exhausted staff members before they could escape to launch into a lengthy and important discussion about tasks he wanted completed. When things went wrong, he would erupt in an uncontrollable rage, ranting and cursing, and might even fire someone who wasn’t really at fault. There were endless frustrating meetings where harsh words and sarcastic comments circulated, as he had no respect for the skills or personalities of his team. In his eyes, they were all just machines, and pretty poorly made ones at that. Their ideas only mattered if they were new at the moment or, in Eugene's case, showed a clear talent.
He could not fathom Eugene so readily, for he had never met anyone of his kind. He was looking closely in his case, as he was in that of all the others, to see if he could not find some weakness in his ideas. He had a gleaming, insistent, almost demoniac eye, a habit of chewing incessantly and even violently the stub end of a cigar, the habit of twitching, getting up and walking about, stirring things on his desk, doing anything and everything to give his restless, generative energy a chance to escape.
He couldn't understand Eugene so easily because he had never encountered anyone like him before. He was examining his case closely, just as he did with all the others, trying to find some flaw in his ideas. He had a bright, demanding, almost crazy look in his eye, a habit of chewing constantly and even aggressively on the end of a cigar, along with a tendency to fidget, get up and walk around, rearranging things on his desk, doing anything and everything to let his restless, creative energy break free.
"Now, professor," he would say when Eugene came in and [Pg 424] seated himself quietly and unobtrusively in some corner, "we have a very difficult thing here to solve today. I want to know what you think could be done in such and such a case," describing a particular condition.
"Now, professor," he would say when Eugene walked in and [Pg 424] took a seat quietly and discreetly in a corner, "we have a tough issue to tackle today. I want to know what you think could be done in this specific situation," explaining a particular case.
Eugene would brace himself up and begin to consider, but rumination was not what Summerfield wanted from anyone.
Eugene would prepare himself and start to think, but Summerfield didn’t want anyone to be lost in thought.
"Well, professor! well! well!" he would exclaim.
"Well, professor! Wow! Wow!" he would exclaim.
Eugene would stir irritably. This was so embarrassing—in a way so degrading to him.
Eugene would shift restlessly. This was so embarrassing—in a way that felt really degrading to him.
"Come to life, professor," Summerfield would go on. He seemed to have concluded long before that the gad was the most effective commercial weapon.
"Wake up, professor," Summerfield would continue. He seemed to have figured out long ago that the gadget was the most powerful tool for sales.
Eugene would then make some polite suggestion, wishing instead that he could tell him to go to the devil, but that was not the end of it. Before all the old writers, canvassers, trade aid men—sometimes one or two of his own artists who might be working upon the particular task in question, he would exclaim: "Lord! what a poor suggestion!" or "can't you do any better than that, professor?" or "good heavens, I have three or four ideas better than that myself." The best he would ever say in conference was, "Well, there may be something in that," though privately, afterwards, he might possibly express great pleasure. Past achievements counted for nothing; that was so plain. One might bring in gold and silver all day long; the next day there must be more gold and silver and in larger quantities. There was no end to the man's appetite. There was no limit to the speed at which he wished to drive his men. There was no limit to the venomous commercial idea as an idea. Summerfield set an example of nagging and irritating insistence, and he urged all his employees to the same policy. The result was a bear-garden, a den of prize-fighters, liars, cutthroats and thieves in which every man was for himself openly and avowedly and the devil take the hindmost.
Eugene would then make some polite suggestion, wishing instead that he could just tell him to get lost, but that wasn’t the end of it. In front of all the old writers, canvassers, trade aid guys—sometimes one or two of his own artists who might be working on the specific task in question—he would exclaim: “Wow! What a terrible suggestion!” or “Can't you do any better than that, professor?” or “Good grief, I have three or four ideas better than that myself.” The best he would ever say in a meeting was, “Well, there might be something in that,” though privately, later on, he might express great pleasure. Past achievements meant nothing; that was so obvious. You could bring in gold and silver all day long; the next day, there better be more gold and silver, and in larger amounts. There was no limit to the guy's appetite. There was no limit to how fast he wanted to push his team. There was no limit to the ruthless commercial mindset as a mentality. Summerfield set an example of nagging and irritating insistence, and he encouraged all his employees to follow the same approach. The result was a chaotic mess, a den of prizefighters, liars, cutthroats, and thieves where everyone was out for themselves openly and unapologetically, leaving the rest to fend for themselves.
CHAPTER XXXV
Still time went by, and although things did not improve very much in his office over the standards which he saw prevailing when he came there, he was obviously getting things much better arranged in his private life. In the first place Angela's attitude was getting much better. The old agony which had possessed her in the days when he was acting so badly had modified as day by day she saw him working and conducting himself with reasonable circumspection. She did not trust him as yet. She was not sure that he had utterly broken with Carlotta Wilson (she had never found out who his paramour was), but all the evidence seemed to attest it. There was a telephone down stairs in a drug store by which, during his days on the World, Angela would call him up at any time, and whenever she had called him up he was always in the office. He seemed to have plenty of time to take her to the theatre if she wished to go, and to have no especial desire to avoid her company. He had once told her frankly that he did not propose to pretend to love her any more, though he did care for her, and this frightened her. In spite of her wrath and suffering she cared for him, and she believed that he still sympathized with her and might come to care for her again—that he ought to.
Still, time passed, and even though things in his office didn't improve much from the standards he noticed when he first arrived, he was clearly getting his personal life better organized. For one, Angela's attitude was improving significantly. The old pain that had overwhelmed her during the times he was behaving poorly had lessened as she saw him working and carrying himself more responsibly each day. She still didn't fully trust him. She wasn't sure if he had completely broken things off with Carlotta Wilson (she never discovered who his lover was), but all the signs seemed to suggest he had. There was a phone downstairs at a drug store that Angela would use to call him anytime during his days at the World, and whenever she did, he was always at the office. He seemed to have plenty of time to take her to the theater if she wanted to go and showed no particular desire to avoid spending time with her. He had once told her openly that he didn’t intend to pretend to love her anymore, although he genuinely cared for her, and that frightened her. Despite her anger and pain, she still cared for him, and she believed he still sympathized with her and might eventually come to care for her again—that he should.
She decided to play the rôle of the affectionate wife whether it was true or not, and to hug and kiss him and fuss over him if he would let her, just as though nothing had happened. Eugene did not understand this. He did not see how Angela could still love him. He thought she must hate him, having such just grounds, for having by dint of hard work and absence come out of his vast excitement about Carlotta he was beginning to feel that he had done her a terrific injustice and to wish to make amends. He did not want to love her, he did not feel that he could, but he was perfectly willing to behave himself, to try to earn a good living, to take her to theatre and opera as opportunity permitted, and to build up and renew a social relationship with others which should act as a substitute for love. He was beginning to think that there was no honest or happy solution to any affair of the heart in the world. Most people so far as he could see were unhappily married. It seemed to be the lot of mankind to make mistakes in its matrimonial selections. He was probably no more [Pg 426] unhappy than many others. Let the world wag as it would for a time. He would try to make some money now, and restore himself in the eyes of the world. Later, life might bring him something—who could tell?
She decided to take on the role of the loving wife, whether it was genuine or not, and to hug, kiss, and dote on him if he would allow it, just as if nothing had happened. Eugene didn’t get it. He couldn’t understand how Angela could still love him. He thought she must hate him, having every right to, because after a lot of hard work and time apart, he was starting to realize he had treated her terribly and wanted to make things right. He didn’t want to love her, he didn’t feel like he could, but he was totally willing to behave, try to earn a decent living, take her to the theater and opera when he could, and rebuild a social life with others that could serve as a substitute for love. He was beginning to think there was no honest or happy resolution to love in the world. Most people, as far as he could see, were unfortunately married. It seemed to be human nature to make mistakes when choosing a partner. He was probably no more unhappy than many others. Let the world turn as it may for now. He would focus on making some money and restoring his reputation. Later, life might surprise him—who could say?
In the next place their financial condition, even before he left the World, was so much better than it had been. By dint of saving and scraping, refusing to increase their expenses more than was absolutely necessary, Angela had succeeded by the time he left the World in laying by over one thousand dollars, and since then it had gone up to three thousand. They had relaxed sufficiently so that now they were wearing reasonably good clothes, were going out and receiving company regularly. It was not possible in their little apartment which they still occupied to entertain more than three or four at the outside, and two was all that Angela ever cared to consider as either pleasurable or comfortable; but they entertained this number frequently. There were some slight recoveries of friendship and of the old life—Hudson Dula, Jerry Mathews, who had moved to Newark; William McConnell, Philip Shotmeyer. MacHugh and Smite were away, one painting in Nova Scotia, the other working in Chicago. As for the old art crowd, socialists and radicals included, Eugene attempted to avoid them as much as possible. He knew nothing of the present whereabouts of Miriam Finch and Norma Whitmore. Of Christina Channing he heard much, for she was singing in Grand Opera, her pictures displayed in the paper and upon the billboards. There were many new friends, principally young newspaper artists like Adolph Morgenbau, who took to Eugene and were in a sense his disciples.
Next, their financial situation, even before he left the World, was much better than it had been. Through saving and being frugal, and refusing to raise their expenses more than necessary, Angela had managed by the time he left the World to save over one thousand dollars, and since then it had increased to three thousand. They had relaxed enough that now they were wearing fairly nice clothes and were going out and hosting guests regularly. In their small apartment, which they still lived in, they couldn't entertain more than three or four at most, and two was all Angela ever considered enjoyable or comfortable; but they often had that many over. There were some small rekindlings of friendships and bits of the old life—Hudson Dula, Jerry Mathews, who had moved to Newark; William McConnell, Philip Shotmeyer. MacHugh and Smite were away, one painting in Nova Scotia and the other working in Chicago. As for the old art crowd, including socialists and radicals, Eugene tried to avoid them as much as he could. He had no idea where Miriam Finch and Norma Whitmore were now. He heard a lot about Christina Channing, as she was singing in Grand Opera, with her pictures in the newspapers and on billboards. There were many new friends, mostly young newspaper artists like Adolph Morgenbau, who took a liking to Eugene and were in a way his followers.
Angela's relations showed up from time to time, among them David Blue, now a sub-lieutenant in the army, with all the army officer's pride of place and station. There were women friends of Angela's for whom Eugene cared little—Mrs. Desmas, the wife of the furniture manufacturer at Riverwood, from whom they had rented their four rooms there; Mrs. Wertheim, the wife of the multimillionaire, to whom M. Charles had introduced them; Mrs. Link, the wife of the West Point army captain who had come to the old Washington Square studio with Marietta and who was now stationed at Fort Hamilton in Brooklyn; and a Mrs. Juergens, living in a neighboring apartment. As long as they were very poor, Angela was very careful how she revived acquaintances; but when they began to have a little money she decided that she might indulge her predilection and so make life less lonesome for herself. She [Pg 427] had always been anxious to build up solid social connections for Eugene, but as yet she did not see how it was to be done.
Angela's relatives visited from time to time, including David Blue, who is now a sub-lieutenant in the army and carries himself with the pride typical of an army officer. There were also women friends of Angela's that Eugene didn’t care much about—Mrs. Desmas, the wife of the furniture manufacturer in Riverwood where they rented their four rooms; Mrs. Wertheim, the wife of a multimillionaire whom M. Charles had introduced them to; Mrs. Link, the wife of the West Point army captain who had come to the old Washington Square studio with Marietta and was now stationed at Fort Hamilton in Brooklyn; and a Mrs. Juergens, who lived in a nearby apartment. When they were much poorer, Angela was very cautious about reconnecting with acquaintances; but as they started to have a bit of money, she felt she could indulge her preference and make her life less lonely. She [Pg 427] had always wanted to establish strong social connections for Eugene, but she still wasn’t sure how to go about it.
When Eugene's new connection with the Summerfield company was consummated, Angela was greatly astonished and rather delighted to think that if he had to work in this practical field for long it was to be under such comforting auspices—that is, as a superior and not as an underling. Long ago she had come to feel that Eugene would never make any money in a commercial way. To see him mounting in this manner was curious, but not wholly reassuring. They must save money; that was her one cry. They had to move soon, that was very plain, but they mustn't spend any more than they had to. She delayed until the attitude of Summerfield, upon an accidental visit to their flat, made it commercially advisable.
When Eugene's new connection with the Summerfield company was finalized, Angela was really surprised and kind of happy to think that if he had to work in this practical field for a long time, it would be under such supportive conditions—that is, as a superior and not as a subordinate. A long time ago, she had come to believe that Eugene would never earn money in a business way. Watching him rise in this way was interesting, but not completely comforting. They needed to save money; that was her main concern. It was clear they had to move soon, but they shouldn't spend any more than necessary. She hesitated until the attitude of Summerfield, during a chance visit to their apartment, made it financially beneficial to act.
Summerfield was a great admirer of Eugene's artistic ability. He had never seen any of his pictures, but he was rather keen to, and once when Eugene told him that they were still on display, one or two of them at Pottle Frères, Jacob Bergman's and Henry LaRue's, he decided to visit these places, but put it off. One night when he was riding uptown on the L road with Eugene he decided because he was in a vagrom mood to accompany him home and see his pictures there. Eugene did not want this. He was chagrined to be compelled to take him into their very little apartment, but there was apparently no way of escaping it. He tried to persuade him to visit Pottle Frères instead, where one picture was still on view, but Summerfield would none of that.
Summerfield was a big fan of Eugene's artistic talent. He had never seen any of his paintings, but he was eager to, and once when Eugene mentioned that they were still on display at Pottle Frères, Jacob Bergman's, and Henry LaRue's, he planned to check them out but kept putting it off. One night, while riding uptown on the L train with Eugene, he felt spontaneous and decided to go home with him to see his artwork there. Eugene wasn’t thrilled about it. He was annoyed that he had to invite him into their tiny apartment, but it seemed there was no way around it. He tried to convince Summerfield to go to Pottle Frères instead, where one painting was still on display, but Summerfield refused.
"I don't like you to see this place," finally he said apologetically, as they were going up the steps of the five-story apartment house. "We are going to get out of here pretty soon. I came here when I worked on the road."
"I don't want you to see this place," he said apologetically as they walked up the steps of the five-story apartment building. "We're going to leave here pretty soon. I came here when I was working on the road."
Summerfield looked about at the poor neighborhood, the inlet of a canal some two blocks east where a series of black coal pockets were and to the north where there was flat open country and a railroad yard.
Summerfield glanced around at the struggling neighborhood, the canal inlet just two blocks to the east where a number of black coal piles were located, and to the north where there was flat open land and a train yard.
"Why, that's all right," he said, in his direct, practical way. "It doesn't make any difference to me. It does to you, though, Witla. You know, I believe in spending money, everybody spending money. Nobody gets anywhere by saving anything. Pay out! Pay out—that's the idea. I found that out for myself long ago. You'd better move when you get a chance soon and surround yourself with clever people."
"Why, that's fine," he said, in his straightforward, practical manner. "It doesn't matter to me. But it does to you, Witla. You know, I think it's important to spend money—everyone should spend money. Nobody achieves anything by being frugal. Spend it! Spend it—that's the point. I figured that out a long time ago. You should take action when you get the chance and surround yourself with smart people."
Eugene considered this the easy talk of a man who was successful and lucky, but he still thought there was much in it. Summerfield came in and viewed the pictures. He liked them, [Pg 428] and he liked Angela, though he wondered how Eugene ever came to marry her. She was such a quiet little home body. Eugene looked more like a Bohemian or a club man now that he had been worked upon by Summerfield. The soft hat had long since been discarded for a stiff derby, and Eugene's clothes were of the most practical business type he could find. He looked more like a young merchant than an artist. Summerfield invited them over to dinner at his house, refusing to stay to dinner here, and went his way.
Eugene thought this was just the casual chat of a guy who was both successful and lucky, but he still believed there was a lot of truth in it. Summerfield walked in and checked out the pictures. He liked them, and he liked Angela, even though he questioned how Eugene ended up marrying her. She was such a quiet, homey type. Eugene appeared more like a Bohemian or a club guy after Summerfield had influenced him. He had switched out his soft hat for a hard derby, and his clothes were now the most practical business styles he could find. He looked more like a young businessman than an artist. Summerfield invited them over for dinner at his place, declining to stay for dinner here, and then left.
Before long, because of his advice they moved. They had practically four thousand by now, and because of his salary Angela figured that they could increase their living expenses to say two thousand five hundred or even three thousand dollars. She wanted Eugene to save two thousand each year against the day when he should decide to return to art. They sought about together Saturday afternoons and Sundays and finally found a charming apartment in Central Park West overlooking the park, where they thought they could live and entertain beautifully. It had a large dining-room and living-room which when the table was cleared away formed one great room. There was a handsomely equipped bathroom, a nice kitchen with ample pantry, three bedrooms, one of which Angela turned into a sewing room, and a square hall or entry which answered as a temporary reception room. There were plenty of closets, gas and electricity, elevator service with nicely uniformed elevator men, and a house telephone. It was very different from their last place, where they only had a long dark hall, stairways to climb, gas only, and no phone. The neighborhood, too, was so much better. Here were automobiles and people walking in the park or promenading on a Sunday afternoon, and obsequious consideration or polite indifference to your affairs from everyone who had anything to do with you.
Before long, thanks to his advice, they moved. They had nearly four thousand by then, and given his salary, Angela calculated that they could increase their living expenses to around two thousand five hundred or even three thousand dollars. She wanted Eugene to save two thousand each year for the day he might decide to return to art. They spent Saturday afternoons and Sundays looking together and finally found a lovely apartment on Central Park West overlooking the park, where they thought they could live and entertain beautifully. It had a large dining room and living room that formed one big space when the table was cleared away. There was a well-equipped bathroom, a nice kitchen with a good pantry, three bedrooms—one of which Angela converted into a sewing room—and a square hall that served as a temporary reception area. There were plenty of closets, gas and electricity, elevator service with well-uniformed elevator attendants, and a house phone. It was a huge change from their last place, where they only had a long dark hallway, stairs to climb, gas only, and no phone. The neighborhood was also so much better. There were cars and people walking in the park or taking leisurely strolls on a Sunday afternoon, and there was either attentive consideration or polite indifference from everyone who interacted with them.
"Well, the tide is certainly turning," said Eugene, as they entered it the first day.
"Well, the tide is definitely changing," said Eugene, as they stepped into it on the first day.
He had the apartment redecorated in white and delft-blue and dark blue, getting a set of library and dining-room furniture in imitation rosewood. He bought a few choice pictures which he had seen at various exhibitions to mix with his own, and set a cut-glass bowl in the ceiling where formerly the commonplace chandelier had been. There were books enough, accumulated during a period of years, to fill the attractive white bookcase with its lead-paned doors. Attractive sets of bedroom furniture in bird's-eye maple and white enamel were secured, and the whole apartment given a very cosy and tasteful appearance. [Pg 429] A piano was purchased outright and dinner and breakfast sets of Haviland china. There were many other dainty accessories, such as rugs, curtains, portières, and so forth, the hanging of which Angela supervised. Here they settled down to a comparatively new and attractive life.
He had the apartment redecorated in white, Delft blue, and dark blue, getting a set of library and dining room furniture in imitation rosewood. He bought a few select paintings he had seen at various exhibitions to mix with his own and set a cut-glass bowl in the ceiling where the ordinary chandelier used to be. There were enough books, collected over the years, to fill the stylish white bookcase with its lead-paned doors. He secured attractive bedroom furniture sets in bird's-eye maple and white enamel, giving the whole apartment a cozy and tasteful look. [Pg 429] A piano was purchased outright along with dinner and breakfast sets of Haviland china. There were many other charming accessories, like rugs, curtains, portières, and so on, which Angela supervised hanging. They settled into a relatively new and appealing life here.
Angela had never really forgiven him his indiscretions of the past, his radical brutality in the last instance, but she was not holding them up insistently against him. There were occasional scenes even yet, the echoes of a far-off storm; but as long as they were making money and friends were beginning to come back she did not propose to quarrel. Eugene was very considerate. He was very, very hard-working. Why should she nag him? He would sit by a window overlooking the park at night and toil over his sketches and ideas until midnight. He was up and dressed by seven, down to his office by eight-thirty, out to lunch at one or later, and only back home at eight or nine o'clock at night. Sometimes Angela would be cross with him for this, sometimes rail at Mr. Summerfield for an inhuman brute, but seeing that the apartment was so lovely and that Eugene was getting along so well, how could she quarrel? It was for her benefit as much as for his that he appeared to be working. He did not think about spending money. He did not seem to care. He would work, work, work, until she actually felt sorry for him.
Angela had never really forgiven him for his past mistakes and his extreme cruelty in that last situation, but she wasn't constantly bringing it up. There were still occasional arguments, like echoes of a distant storm; but as long as they were making money and friends were starting to come back, she didn't plan to fight with him. Eugene was very thoughtful. He worked incredibly hard. Why should she bother him? He would sit by a window looking over the park at night, working on his sketches and ideas until midnight. He was up and dressed by seven, at his office by eight-thirty, out for lunch at one or later, and only back home around eight or nine at night. Sometimes Angela would be upset with him for this, sometimes she would blame Mr. Summerfield for being inhumane, but considering how beautiful the apartment was and how well Eugene was doing, how could she argue? It was for her benefit as much as his that he seemed so busy. He didn’t worry about spending money. He didn’t seem to care. He would just work, work, work, until she actually felt sorry for him.
"Certainly Mr. Summerfield ought to like you," she said to him one day, half in compliment, half in a rage at a man who would exact so much from him. "You're valuable enough to him. I never saw a man who could work like you can. Don't you ever want to stop?"
"Of course Mr. Summerfield should appreciate you," she said to him one day, partly as a compliment, partly out of anger at a man who would demand so much from him. "You're really important to him. I've never seen anyone work as hard as you do. Don't you ever want to take a break?"
"Don't bother about me, Angelface," he said. "I have to do it. I don't mind. It's better than walking the streets and wondering how I'm going to get along"—and he fell to his ideas again.
"Don't worry about me, Angelface," he said. "I have to do this. I don't mind. It's better than wandering the streets and worrying about how I’m going to make it"—and he drifted back into his thoughts.
Angela shook her head. Poor Eugene! If ever a man deserved success for working, he certainly did. And he was really getting nice again—getting conventional. Perhaps it was because he was getting a little older. It might turn out that he would become a splendid man, after all.
Angela shook her head. Poor Eugene! If there’s ever a man who deserved success for his hard work, it’s definitely him. And he was really becoming nice again—becoming more conventional. Maybe it was because he was getting a bit older. It could turn out that he would become a great man, after all.
CHAPTER XXXVI
There came a time, however, when all this excitement and wrath and quarreling began to unnerve Eugene and to make him feel that he could not indefinitely stand the strain. After all, his was the artistic temperament, not that of a commercial or financial genius. He was too nervous and restless. For one thing he was first astonished, then amused, then embittered by the continual travesty on justice, truth, beauty, sympathy, which he saw enacted before his eyes. Life stripped of its illusion and its seeming becomes a rather deadly thing to contemplate. Because of the ruthless, insistent, inconsiderate attitude of this employer, all the employees of this place followed his example, and there was neither kindness nor courtesy—nor even raw justice anywhere. Eugene was compelled to see himself looked upon from the beginning, not so much by his own staff as by the other employees of the company, as a man who could not last long. He was disliked forsooth because Summerfield displayed some liking for him, and because his manners did not coincide exactly with the prevailing standard of the office. Summerfield did not intend to allow his interest in Eugene to infringe in any way upon his commercial exactions, but this was not enough to save or aid Eugene in any way. The others disliked him, some because he was a true artist to begin with, because of his rather distant air, and because in spite of himself he could not take them all as seriously as he should.
There came a time when all this excitement, anger, and fighting started to stress Eugene out and make him feel he couldn’t handle it forever. After all, he had an artistic temperament, not that of a business or financial genius. He was too anxious and restless. At first, he was shocked, then amused, and finally bitter about the constant mockery of justice, truth, beauty, and compassion that he witnessed. Life, stripped of its illusions, becomes pretty grim to think about. Because of his employer's ruthless, demanding, and thoughtless attitude, all the employees followed suit, and there was no kindness or courtesy—nor even real fairness to be found. From the start, Eugene felt that he was seen, not so much by his own team, but by the other employees, as someone who wouldn’t last long. He was disliked simply because Summerfield showed some interest in him and because his manners didn’t exactly align with the office standards. Summerfield didn’t intend for his interest in Eugene to interfere with his business demands, but that didn’t help Eugene at all. The others didn’t like him; some because he was a genuine artist, others because of his rather aloof demeanor, and because, despite himself, he couldn’t take them all seriously as he probably should have.
Most of them seemed little mannikins to him—little second, third, and fourth editions or copies of Summerfield. They all copied that worthy's insistent air. They all attempted to imitate his briskness. Like children, they were inclined to try to imitate his bitter persiflage and be smart; and they demanded, as he said they should, the last ounce of consideration and duty from their neighbors. Eugene was too much of a philosopher not to take much of this with a grain of salt, but after all his position depended on his activity and his ability to get results, and it was a pity, he thought, that he could expect neither courtesy nor favor from anyone. Departmental chiefs stormed his room daily, demanding this, that, and the other work immediately. Artists complained that they were not getting enough pay, the business manager railed because expenses were not kept low, saying that Eugene might be an improvement in the matter of [Pg 431] the quality of the results obtained and the speed of execution, but that he was lavish in his expenditure. Others cursed openly in his presence at times, and about him to his employer, alleging that the execution of certain ideas was rotten, or that certain work was delayed, or that he was slow or discourteous. There was little in these things, as Summerfield well knew from watching Eugene, but he was too much a lover of quarrels and excitement as being productive of the best results in the long run to wish to interfere. Eugene was soon accused of delaying work generally, of having incompetent men (which was true), of being slow, of being an artistic snob. He stood it all calmly because of his recent experience with poverty, but he was determined to fight ultimately. He was no longer, or at least not going to be, he thought, the ambling, cowardly, dreaming Witla he had been. He was going to stand up, and he did begin to.
Most of them seemed like little dolls to him—little second, third, and fourth versions or copies of Summerfield. They all copied his confident vibe. They all tried to mimic his energy. Like kids, they were inclined to imitate his sarcastic humor and be clever; and they demanded, just like he said they should, the utmost consideration and effort from their coworkers. Eugene was too much of a thinker to take all of this too seriously, but still, his job depended on his productivity and ability to deliver results, and it was unfortunate, he thought, that he couldn’t expect kindness or support from anyone. Department heads barged into his office every day, demanding this, that, and the other task immediately. Artists complained about not getting paid enough, the business manager ranted about keeping costs low, claiming that while Eugene might improve the quality of the results and speed of execution, he was wasteful with spending. Others openly cursed around him sometimes, and to his boss, saying that certain ideas were poorly executed, or that some work was delayed, or that he was slow or rude. Summerfield knew better from observing Eugene, but he loved conflicts and excitement, believing they led to the best outcomes in the end, so he didn’t want to intervene. Eugene was soon blamed for delaying work, having incompetent staff (which was true), being slow, and being an artistic snob. He accepted it all calmly because of his recent experience with poverty, but he was set on fighting back eventually. He was no longer, or at least didn’t intend to be, the aimless, cowardly, dreamer Witla he had been. He was going to stand his ground, and he started to.
"Remember, you are the last word here, Witla," Summerfield had told him on one occasion. "If anything goes wrong here, you're to blame. Don't make any mistakes. Don't let anyone accuse you falsely. Don't run to me. I won't help you."
"Remember, you're the one in charge here, Witla," Summerfield had said to him once. "If anything goes wrong, it's your responsibility. Don't mess up. Don't let anyone falsely accuse you. Don't come to me for help. I won't be there for you."
It was such a ruthless attitude that it shocked Eugene into an attitude of defiance. In time he thought he had become a hardened and a changed man—aggressive, contentious, bitter.
It was such a harsh attitude that it shocked Eugene into a stance of defiance. Over time, he believed he had become a tough and changed man—aggressive, confrontational, and bitter.
"They can all go to hell!" he said one day to Summerfield, after a terrific row about some delayed pictures, in which one man who was animated by personal animosity more than anything else had said hard things about him. "The thing that's been stated here isn't so. My work is up to and beyond the mark. This individual here"—pointing to the man in question—"simply doesn't like me. The next time he comes into my room nosing about I'll throw him out. He's a damned fakir, and you know it. He lied here today, and you know that."
"They can all go to hell!" he said one day to Summerfield, after a huge argument about some delayed pictures, during which one guy, who was driven more by personal grudge than anything else, said some harsh things about him. "What’s been said here isn’t true. My work is right up there and even beyond what’s expected. This guy here"—pointing to the man in question—"just doesn’t like me. The next time he comes into my room snooping around, I'll throw him out. He’s a damn fraud, and you know it. He lied here today, and you’re aware of that."
"Good for you, Witla!" exclaimed Summerfield joyously. The idea of a fighting attitude on Eugene's part pleased him. "You're coming to life. You'll get somewhere now. You've got the ideas, but if you let these wolves run over you they'll do it, and they'll eat you. I can't help it. They're all no good. I wouldn't trust a single God-damned man in the place!"
"Good for you, Witla!" Summerfield said happily. He was pleased with Eugene's fighting spirit. "You're starting to come alive. You're going to make progress now. You've got the ideas, but if you let these wolves push you around, they'll take advantage of you and consume you. I can’t help it. None of them are trustworthy. I wouldn’t trust a single damned man in this place!"
So it went. Eugene smiled. Could he ever get used to such a life? Could he ever learn to live with such cheap, inconsiderate, indecent little pups? Summerfield might like them, but he didn't. This might be a marvellous business policy, but he couldn't see it. Somehow it seemed to reflect the mental attitude and temperament of Mr. Daniel C. Summerfield and nothing more. Human nature ought to be better than that.
So it went. Eugene smiled. Could he ever get used to this life? Could he ever learn to live with such cheap, inconsiderate, indecent little pups? Summerfield might like them, but he didn't. This might be a brilliant business strategy, but he couldn't see it. Somehow, it seemed to reflect Mr. Daniel C. Summerfield's mindset and personality and nothing more. Human nature should be better than that.
[Pg 432] It is curious how fortune sometimes binds up the wounds of the past, covers over the broken places as with clinging vines, gives to the miseries and mental wearinesses of life a look of sweetness and comfort. An illusion of perfect joy is sometimes created where still, underneath, are cracks and scars. Here were Angela and Eugene living together now, beginning to be visited by first one and then the other of those they had known in the past, seemingly as happy as though no storm had ever beset the calm of their present sailing. Eugene, despite all his woes, was interested in this work. He liked to think of himself as the captain of a score of men, having a handsome office desk, being hailed as chief by obsequious subordinates and invited here and there by Summerfield, who still liked him. The work was hard, but it was so much more profitable than anything he had ever had before. Angela was happier, too, he thought, than she had been in a long time, for she did not need to worry about money and his prospects were broadening. Friends were coming back to them in a steady stream, and they were creating new ones. It was possible to go to a seaside resort occasionally, winter or summer, or to entertain three or four friends at dinner. Angela had a maid. The meals were served with considerable distinction under her supervision. She was flattered to hear nice things said about her husband in her presence, for it was whispered abroad in art circles with which they were now slightly in touch again that half the effectiveness of the Summerfield ads was due to Eugene's talent. It was no shame for him to come out now and say where he was, for he was getting a good salary and was a department chief. He, or rather the house through him, had made several great hits, issuing series of ads which attracted the attention of the public generally to the products which they advertised. Experts in the advertising world first, and then later the public generally, were beginning to wonder who it was that was primarily responsible for the hits.
[Pg 432] It’s interesting how fortune sometimes heals old wounds, covering up the scars like clingy vines, and gives the struggles and exhaustion of life a hint of sweetness and comfort. An illusion of perfect happiness can be created, even when there are still cracks and scars hidden beneath the surface. Here were Angela and Eugene now, living together, starting to be visited by old friends little by little, seemingly as happy as if no storms had ever disturbed their peaceful life. Despite all his troubles, Eugene was engaged in his work. He liked to see himself as the captain of a team, with an impressive desk, being called chief by eager subordinates and invited places by Summerfield, who still valued him. The job was tough, but it was significantly more rewarding than anything he’d done before. Angela seemed happier now than she had been in a long time, as she didn’t have to worry about money and his prospects were looking up. Friends were steadily coming back into their lives, and they were making new ones too. They could occasionally visit a seaside resort, whether in summer or winter, or have a few friends over for dinner. Angela had a maid. Meals were served with a touch of elegance under her watch. She felt proud to hear nice things about her husband in her presence, as it was being talked about in the art circles they were now somewhat reconnected with that half of the success of the Summerfield ads was due to Eugene's talent. There was no shame in him admitting where he stood now, as he was earning a good salary and was a department head. He, or more accurately the agency through him, had made several significant successes, launching ad campaigns that captured the public's attention for the products they featured. Experts in advertising initially, and later the public in general, were starting to realize who was primarily responsible for those successes.
The Summerfield company had not had them during the previous six years of its history. There were too many of them coming close together not to make a new era in the history of the house. Summerfield, it was understood about the office, was becoming a little jealous of Eugene, for he could not brook the presence of a man with a reputation; and Eugene, with his five thousand dollars in cash in two savings banks, with practically two thousand five hundred dollars' worth of tasteful furniture in his apartment and with a ten-thousand life-insurance policy in favor of Angela, was carrying himself with quite an air. He was not feeling so anxious about his future.
The Summerfield company hadn't seen anything like this in the past six years. With so many changes happening all at once, it was clear a new chapter was beginning for the company. People in the office sensed that Summerfield was starting to feel a bit envious of Eugene, who couldn't handle being around someone with a solid reputation. Eugene, with five thousand dollars in cash split between two savings accounts, around two thousand five hundred dollars' worth of stylish furniture in his apartment, and a ten-thousand-dollar life insurance policy in Angela's name, walked around with confidence. He wasn't worried about his future anymore.
[Pg 433] Angela noted it. Summerfield also. The latter felt that Eugene was beginning to show his artistic superiority in a way which was not entirely pleasant. He was coming to have a direct, insistent, sometimes dictatorial manner. All the driving Summerfield had done had not succeeded in breaking his spirit. Instead, it had developed him. From a lean, pale, artistic soul, wearing a soft hat, he had straightened up and filled out until now he looked more like a business man than an artist, with a derby hat, clothes of the latest cut, a ring of oriental design on his middle finger, and pins and ties which reflected the prevailing modes.
[Pg 433] Angela noticed it. So did Summerfield. The latter felt that Eugene was starting to show his artistic superiority in a way that wasn’t entirely pleasant. He was developing a direct, assertive, sometimes bossy attitude. All the pushing Summerfield had done hadn't broken his spirit. Instead, it had made him grow. From a lean, pale, artistic guy wearing a soft hat, he had straightened up and filled out until now he looked more like a businessman than an artist, sporting a derby hat, stylish clothes, a ring with an oriental design on his middle finger, and pins and ties that matched the current trends.
Eugene's attitude had not as yet changed completely, but it was changing. He was not nearly so fearsome as he had been. He was beginning to see that he had talents in more directions than one, and to have the confidence of this fact. Five thousand dollars in cash, with two or three hundred dollars being added monthly, and interest at four per cent, being paid upon it, gave him a reserve of self-confidence. He began to joke Summerfield himself, for he began to realize that other advertising concerns might be glad to have him. Word had been brought to him once that the Alfred Cookman Company, of which Summerfield was a graduate, was considering making him an offer, and the Twine-Campbell Company, the largest in the field, was also interested in what he was doing. His own artists, mostly faithful because he had sought to pay them well and to help them succeed, had spread his fame greatly. According to them, he was the sole cause of all the recent successes which had come to the house, which was not true at all.
Eugene's attitude hadn't completely changed yet, but it was shifting. He wasn't nearly as intimidating as he used to be. He was starting to realize that he had talents in multiple areas and was gaining confidence from that. Having five thousand dollars in cash, with an extra two or three hundred dollars added monthly, plus four percent interest, gave him a boost in self-assurance. He began to joke around with Summerfield, realizing that other advertising agencies might be eager to hire him. He had heard that the Alfred Cookman Company, which Summerfield graduated from, was considering making him an offer, and the Twine-Campbell Company, the largest in the industry, was also interested in his work. His own artists, mostly loyal because he had tried to pay them well and support their success, had greatly increased his reputation. According to them, he was the sole reason for all the recent successes at the company, which wasn’t entirely true.
A number, perhaps the majority, of things recently had started with him; but they had been amplified by Summerfield, worked over by the ad-writing department, revised by the advertisers themselves, and so on and so forth, until notable changes had been effected and success achieved. There was no doubt that Eugene was directly responsible for a share of this. His presence was inspiring, constructive. He keyed up the whole tone of the Summerfield Company merely by being there; but he was not all there was to it by many a long step. He realized this himself.
A lot of things, probably most of them, had recently started with him; but they had been expanded upon by Summerfield, refined by the ad-writing team, revised by the advertisers themselves, and so on, until significant changes had been made and success attained. There was no doubt that Eugene was directly responsible for part of this. His presence was motivating and productive. He raised the overall spirit of the Summerfield Company just by being there; but he was far from being the only factor involved. He understood this himself.
He was not at all offensively egotistic—simply surer, calmer, more genial, less easily ruffled; but even this was too much. Summerfield wanted a frightened man, and seeing that Eugene might be getting strong enough to slip away from him, he began to think how he should either circumvent his possible sudden flight, or discredit his fame, so that if he did leave he would [Pg 434] gain nothing by it. Neither of them was directly manifesting any ill-will or indicating his true feelings, but such was the situation just the same. The things which Summerfield thought he might do were not easy to do under any circumstances. It was particularly hard in Eugene's case. The man was beginning to have an air. People liked him. Advertisers who met him, the big manufacturers, took note of him. They did not understand him as a trade figure, but thought he must have real force. One man—a great real estate plunger in New York, who saw him once in Summerfield's office—spoke to the latter about him.
He wasn't at all obnoxiously self-centered—just more confident, calm, friendly, and less prone to getting upset; but even this was too much. Summerfield wanted someone who was scared, and realizing that Eugene might be gaining the strength to escape from him, he began to think about how to either prevent his possible sudden departure or tarnish his reputation so that if he did leave, he wouldn't gain anything from it. [Pg 434] Neither of them was openly showing any hostility or revealing their true feelings, but that was the reality of the situation. The things Summerfield considered doing were not easy to accomplish in any situation. It was especially difficult in Eugene's case. The guy was starting to have a presence. People liked him. Advertisers and major manufacturers who met him took notice. They didn’t see him just as a market figure; they thought he must have genuine influence. One man—a big real estate investor from New York, who saw him once in Summerfield's office—mentioned him to Summerfield.
"That's a most interesting man you have there, that man Witla," he said, when they were out to lunch together. "Where does he come from?"
"That's a really interesting guy you have there, that guy Witla," he said when they were out to lunch together. "Where's he from?"
"Oh, the West somewhere!" replied Summerfield evasively. "I don't know. I've had so many art directors I don't pay much attention to them."
"Oh, somewhere in the West!" replied Summerfield evasively. "I don’t know. I’ve had so many art directors that I don’t really pay much attention to them."
Winfield (ex-Senator Kenyon C. Winfield, of Brooklyn) perceived a slight undercurrent of opposition and belittling. "He looks like a bright fellow," he said, intending to drop the subject.
Winfield (ex-Senator Kenyon C. Winfield, of Brooklyn) picked up on a subtle vibe of disagreement and dismissiveness. "He seems like a smart guy," he said, hoping to change the subject.
"He is, he is," returned Summerfield; "but like all artists, he's flighty. They're the most unstable people in the world. You can't depend upon them. Good for one idea today—worth nothing tomorrow—I have to handle them like a lot of children. The weather sometimes makes all the difference in the world."
"He is, he is," Summerfield replied; "but like all artists, he's unpredictable. They're the most unreliable people out there. You can't count on them. Great for one idea today—worthless tomorrow—I have to manage them like a bunch of children. The weather can really change everything."
Winfield fancied this was true. Artists generally were worth nothing in business. Still, he remembered Eugene pleasantly.
Winfield thought this was true. Artists usually weren't worth much in business. Still, he remembered Eugene fondly.
As Summerfield talked here, so was it in the office and elsewhere. He began to say in the office and out that Eugene was really not doing as well as he might, and that in all likelihood he would have to drop him. It was sad; but all directors, even the best of them, had their little day of ability and usefulness, and then ran to seed. He did not see why it was that all these directors failed so, but they did. They never really made good in the company. By this method, his own undiminished ability was made to stand out free and clear, and Eugene was not able to appear as important. No one who knew anything about Eugene, however, at this time believed this; but they did believe—in the office—that he might lose his position. He was too bright—too much of a leader. They felt that this condition could not continue in a one-man concern; and this made the work harder, for it bred disloyalty in certain quarters. Some of his men were disposed to counsel with the enemy.
As Summerfield spoke here, it was the same in the office and everywhere else. He started to say both in the office and outside that Eugene really wasn’t doing as well as he could be, and that it was likely he would have to let him go. It was unfortunate; but all directors, even the best ones, have their moment of skill and usefulness, and then they decline. He didn’t understand why all these directors fell short, but they did. They never really thrived in the company. By doing this, his own unchanging skill was highlighted, making Eugene seem less significant. However, no one who knew anything about Eugene at the time believed this; they did think—in the office—that he might lose his job. He was too talented—too much of a leader. They felt this situation couldn’t last in a one-man operation; and it made the work harder, creating disloyalty in certain areas. Some of his team were inclined to consult with the competition.
But as time passed and in spite of the change of attitude which [Pg 435] was coming over Summerfield, Eugene became even stronger in his own self-esteem. He was not getting vainglorious as yet—merely sure. Because of his art work his art connections had revived considerably, and he had heard again from such men as Louis Deesa, M. Charles, Luke Severas, and others who now knew where he was and wondered why he did not come back to painting proper. M. Charles was disgusted. "A great error," he said. He always spoke of him to others as a great loss to art. Strange to relate, one of his pictures was sold the spring following his entry into the Summerfield Company, and another the following winter. Each netted him two hundred and fifty dollars, Pottle Frères being the agents in one case, Jacob Bergman in the other. These sales with their consequent calls for additional canvases to show, cheered him greatly. He felt satisfied now that if anything happened to him he could go back to his art and that he could make a living, anyhow.
But as time went on and despite the change in attitude that [Pg 435] was taking place in Summerfield, Eugene grew even more confident in himself. He wasn't becoming arrogant yet—just sure of himself. His artwork had revived his art connections significantly, and he heard again from people like Louis Deesa, M. Charles, Luke Severas, and others, who now knew where he was and wondered why he wasn’t returning to proper painting. M. Charles was frustrated. "A huge mistake," he said. He always referred to Eugene as a significant loss to the art world. Interestingly, one of Eugene's pieces sold the spring after he joined the Summerfield Company, and another sold the following winter. Each sale netted him two hundred and fifty dollars, with Pottle Frères acting as the agents in one case and Jacob Bergman in the other. These sales, along with the requests for more canvases, boosted his spirits. He felt reassured that if anything happened to him, he could go back to his art and make a living, at least.
There came a time when he was sent for by Mr. Alfred Cookman, the advertising agent for whom Summerfield had worked; but nothing came of that, for the latter did not care to pay more than six thousand a year and Summerfield had once told Eugene that he would eventually pay him ten thousand if he stayed with him. He did not think it was fair to leave him just then, and, besides, Cookman's firm had not the force and go and prestige which Summerfield had at this time. His real chance came some six months later, when one of the publishing houses of Philadelphia having an important weekly to market, began looking for an advertising manager.
There came a time when Mr. Alfred Cookman, the advertising agent for whom Summerfield had worked, reached out to him; but nothing came of it because Cookman wasn't willing to pay more than six thousand a year, while Summerfield had previously told Eugene he would eventually pay him ten thousand if he stuck around. He didn’t think it was right to leave him at that moment, and besides, Cookman's company didn't have the same energy, drive, or reputation that Summerfield had at that time. His real opportunity came about six months later when one of the publishing houses in Philadelphia, looking to market an important weekly, started searching for an advertising manager.
It was the policy of this house to select young men and to select from among all the available candidates just the one particular one to suit the fancy of the owner and who had a record of successful effort behind him. Now Eugene was not any more an advertising manager by experience than he was an art director, but having worked for Summerfield for nearly two years he had come to know a great deal about advertising, and the public thought he knew a great deal more. He knew by now just how Summerfield had his business organized. He knew how he specialized his forces, giving this line to one and that line to another. He had been able to learn by sitting in conferences and consultations what it was that advertisers wanted, how they wanted their goods displayed, what they wanted said. He had learned that novelty, force and beauty were the keynotes and he had to work these elements out under the most galling fire so often that he knew how it ought to be done. He knew also about commissions, rebates, long-time contracts, and so forth. [Pg 436] He had fancied more than once that he might run a little advertising business of his own to great profit if he only could find an honest and capable business manager or partner. Since this person was not forthcoming, he was content to bide his time.
It was the practice of this company to choose young men, selecting the one candidate who matched the preferences of the owner and had a proven track record. Eugene wasn't an advertising manager or an art director by trade, but after working for Summerfield for almost two years, he had learned a lot about advertising, and the public believed he knew even more. He understood how Summerfield organized his business, assigning one product line to one person and another line to someone else. By sitting in on meetings and discussions, he grasped what advertisers needed, how they wanted their products presented, and what messages they wanted communicated. He learned that novelty, impact, and beauty were essential, and he often had to create these elements under pressure, so he knew how to achieve it. He also had knowledge of commissions, rebates, long-term contracts, and more. [Pg 436] He had imagined more than once that he could start a small advertising business of his own and make a good profit if only he could find a trustworthy and capable business manager or partner. Since that person wasn’t available, he was willing to wait for the right opportunity.
But the Kalvin Publishing Company of Philadelphia had heard of him. In his search for a man, Obadiah Kalvin, the founder of the company, had examined many individuals through agents in Chicago, in St. Louis, in Baltimore, Boston, and New York, but he had not yet made up his mind. He was slow in his decisions, and always flattered himself that once he made a selection he was sure of a good result. He had not heard of Eugene until toward the end of his search, but one day in the Union Club in Philadelphia, when he was talking to a big advertising agent with whom he did considerable business, the latter said:
But the Kalvin Publishing Company in Philadelphia had heard of him. In his quest for a man, Obadiah Kalvin, the company's founder, had looked at many individuals through agents in Chicago, St. Louis, Baltimore, Boston, and New York, but he still hadn’t made up his mind. He was slow to decide and always convinced himself that once he made a choice, it was bound to lead to good results. He hadn’t heard of Eugene until late in his search, but one day at the Union Club in Philadelphia, while chatting with a major advertising agent he worked with frequently, the agent mentioned:
"I hear you are looking for an advertising manager for your weekly."
"I heard you're looking for an advertising manager for your weekly."
"I am," he said.
"I am," he said.
"I heard of a man the other day who might suit you. He's with the Summerfield Company in New York. They've been getting up some very striking ads of late, as you may have noticed."
"I heard about a guy the other day who could be a good fit for you. He's with the Summerfield Company in New York. They've been creating some really eye-catching ads recently, as you might have seen."
"I think I have seen some of them," replied Kalvin.
"I think I've seen some of them," Kalvin replied.
"I'm not sure of the man's name—Witla, or Gitla, or some such thing as that; but, anyhow, he's over there, and they say he's pretty good. Just what he is in the house I don't know. You might look him up."
"I'm not really sure what the man's name is—Witla, or Gitla, or something like that; but anyway, he's over there, and people say he's pretty good. I don't know what he's like in the house. You could look him up."
"Thanks; I will," replied Kalvin. He was really quite grateful, for he was not quite satisfied with any of those he had seen or heard of. He was an old man, extremely sensitive to ability, wanting to combine force with refinement if he could; he was a good Christian, and was running Christian, or rather their happy correlatives, decidedly conservative publications. When he went back to his office he consulted with his business partner, a man named Fredericks, who held but a minor share in the company, and asked him if he couldn't find out something about this promising individual. Fredericks did so. He called up Cookman, in New York, who was delighted to injure his old employee, Summerfield, to the extent of taking away his best man if he could. He told Fredericks that he thought Eugene was very capable, probably the most capable young man in the field, and in all likelihood the man he was looking for—a hustler.
"Thanks; I will," Kalvin replied. He was genuinely grateful, as he wasn’t entirely satisfied with any of the options he’d seen or heard about. He was an older man, very attuned to talent, wanting to blend strength with elegance if possible; he was a good Christian and was managing Christian, or rather their joyful counterparts, definitely conservative publications. When he returned to his office, he spoke with his business partner, a man named Fredericks, who held only a minor stake in the company, and asked him if he could find out more about this promising individual. Fredericks did just that. He called Cookman in New York, who was eager to undermine his former employee, Summerfield, by potentially taking away his best talent. He told Fredericks that he believed Eugene was very capable, probably the most talented young man in the field, and likely the person he was looking for—a real go-getter.
"I thought once of hiring him myself here not long ago," he told Fredericks. "He has ideas, you can see that."
"I considered hiring him myself not too long ago," he told Fredericks. "He has some good ideas, you can see that."
[Pg 437] The next thing was a private letter from Mr. Fredericks to Mr. Witla asking if by any chance he could come over to Philadelphia the following Saturday afternoon, indicating that there was a business proposition of considerable importance which he wished to lay before him.
[Pg 437] The next thing was a private letter from Mr. Fredericks to Mr. Witla asking if he could possibly come to Philadelphia the following Saturday afternoon, indicating that he had an important business proposal to discuss with him.
From the paper on which it was written Eugene could see that there was something important in the wind, and laid the matter before Angela. The latter's eyes glistened.
From the paper it was written on, Eugene could tell that something important was happening, and he brought it up with Angela. Her eyes sparkled.
"I'd certainly go if I were you," she advised. "He might want to make you business manager or art director or something. You can be sure they don't intend to offer you less than you're getting now, and Mr. Summerfield certainly has not treated you very well, anyhow. You've worked like a slave for him, and he's never kept his agreement to raise your salary as much as he said he would. It may mean our having to leave New York; but that doesn't make any difference for a while. You don't intend to stay in this field, anyhow. You only want to stay long enough to get a good sound income of your own."
"I'd definitely go if I were you," she said. "He might want to make you the business manager or art director or something. You can be sure they won't offer you less than what you're making now, and Mr. Summerfield hasn't treated you very well, anyway. You've worked so hard for him, and he never followed through on his promise to raise your salary as much as he said he would. It might mean us having to leave New York, but that doesn't really matter for now. You don't plan to stay in this field for long, anyway. You just want to stick around long enough to get a solid income of your own."
Angela's longing for Eugene's art career was nevertheless being slightly stilled these days by the presence and dangled lure of money. It was a great thing to be able to go downtown and buy dresses and hats to suit the seasons. It was a fine thing to be taken by Eugene Saturday afternoons and Sundays in season to Atlantic City, to Spring Lake, and Shelter Island.
Angela's desire for Eugene's art career was somewhat quieted lately by the allure of money. It was amazing to be able to go downtown and buy clothes and hats that fit the seasons. It was nice to be taken by Eugene on Saturday afternoons and Sundays in season to places like Atlantic City, Spring Lake, and Shelter Island.
"I think I will go over," he said; and he wrote Mr. Fredericks a favorable reply.
"I think I’ll go over," he said; and he wrote Mr. Fredericks a positive response.
The latter met him at the central station in Philadelphia with his auto and took him out to his country place in the Haverford district. On the way he talked of everything but business—the state of the weather, the condition of the territory through which they were traveling, the day's news, the nature and interest of Eugene's present work. When they were in the Fredericks house, where they arrived in time for dinner, and while they were getting ready for it, Mr. Obadiah Kalvin dropped in—ostensibly to see his partner, but really to look at Eugene without committing himself. He was introduced to Eugene, and shook hands with him cordially. During the meal he talked with Eugene a little, though not on business, and Eugene wondered why he had been called. He suspected, knowing as he did that Kalvin was the president of the company, that the latter was there to look at him. After dinner Mr. Kalvin left, and Eugene noted that Mr. Fredericks was then quite ready to talk with him.
The latter picked him up at the central station in Philadelphia with his car and drove him out to his country home in the Haverford area. Along the way, he chatted about everything except business—the weather, the state of the area they were passing through, the news of the day, and the nature and interest of Eugene's current work. When they arrived at the Fredericks' house in time for dinner, they were getting ready when Mr. Obadiah Kalvin dropped by—apparently to see his partner, but actually to check out Eugene without making a commitment. He was introduced to Eugene and shook his hand warmly. During the meal, he engaged Eugene in a bit of conversation, though it wasn’t about business, which made Eugene wonder why he was there. He suspected, knowing that Kalvin was the president of the company, that Kalvin was just there to observe him. After dinner, Mr. Kalvin left, and Eugene noticed that Mr. Fredericks was now quite eager to talk with him.
"The thing that I wanted you to come over and see me about [Pg 438] is in regard to our weekly and the advertising department. We have a great paper over here, as you know," he said. "We are intending to do much more with it in the future than we have in the past even. Mr. Kalvin is anxious to get just the man to take charge of the advertising department. We have been looking for someone for quite a little while. Several people have suggested your name, and I'm rather inclined to think that Mr. Kalvin would be pleased to see you take it. His visit here today was purely accidental, but it was fortunate. He had a chance to look at you, so that if I should propose your name he will know just who you are. I think you would find this company a fine background for your efforts. We have no penny-wise-and-pound-foolish policy over here. We know that any successful thing is made by the men behind it, and we are willing to pay good money for good men. I don't know what you are getting where you are, and I don't care very much. If you are interested I should like to talk to Mr. Kalvin about you, and if he is interested I should like to bring you two together for a final conference. The salary will be made right, you needn't worry about that. Mr. Kalvin isn't a small man. If he likes a man—and I think he might like you—he'll offer you what he thinks you're worth and you can take it or leave it. I never heard anyone complain about the salary he offered."
"The reason I wanted you to come over and talk to me [Pg 438] is about our weekly meeting and the advertising department. We’ve got a great publication here, as you know," he said. "We plan to do a lot more with it in the future than we have in the past. Mr. Kalvin is eager to find the right person to lead the advertising department. We’ve been searching for someone for a while now. Several people have mentioned your name, and I think Mr. Kalvin would be happy to see you take on that role. His visit today was purely by chance, but it turned out to be lucky. He got a chance to see you, so if I suggest your name, he’ll know exactly who you are. I believe you’d find this company to be a great environment for your work. We don’t have a stingy approach here. We understand that any successful venture is driven by the people behind it, and we’re willing to pay well for top talent. I don't know what you’re making where you are, and it doesn't matter much to me. If you’re interested, I’d like to discuss you with Mr. Kalvin, and if he’s interested, I’d like to set up a final meeting between you two. The salary will be fair, so you don’t need to worry about that. Mr. Kalvin isn’t a small-time player. If he likes someone—and I think he might like you—he’ll offer what he believes you’re worth, and you can take it or leave it. I’ve never heard anyone complain about the salary he proposed."
Eugene listened with extreme self-gratulation. He was thrilling from head to toe. This was the message he had been expecting to hear for so long. He was getting five thousand now, he had been offered six thousand. Mr. Kalvin could do no less than offer him seven or eight—possibly ten. He could easily ask seven thousand five hundred.
Eugene listened with great satisfaction. He was excited from head to toe. This was the news he had been waiting to hear for so long. He was getting five thousand now; he had been offered six thousand. Mr. Kalvin would have to offer him seven or eight—possibly even ten. He could easily ask for seven thousand five hundred.
"I must say," he said innocently, "the proposition sounds attractive to me. It's a different kind of thing—somewhat—from what I have been doing, but I think I could handle it successfully. Of course, the salary will determine the whole thing. I'm not at all badly placed where I am. I've just got comfortably settled in New York, and I'm not anxious to move. But I would not be opposed to coming. I have no contract with Mr. Summerfield. He has never been willing to give me one."
"I have to say," he said innocently, "the offer sounds appealing to me. It's a bit different from what I've been doing, but I think I could manage it well. Of course, the salary will be the deciding factor. I'm not in a bad position where I am. I've just gotten comfortably settled in New York, and I'm not eager to relocate. But I wouldn't mind coming. I don't have a contract with Mr. Summerfield. He's never been willing to give me one."
"Well, we are not keen upon contracts ourselves," said Mr. Fredericks. "It's not a very strong reed to lean upon, anyhow, as you know. Still a contract might be arranged if you wish it. Supposing we talk a little further to Mr. Kalvin today. He doesn't live so far from here," and with Eugene's consent he went to the phone.
"Well, we’re not big fans of contracts either," Mr. Fredericks said. "It's not exactly a solid foundation to rely on, as you know. But if you want, we can work out a contract. How about we have a more in-depth discussion with Mr. Kalvin today? He doesn’t live too far from here," and with Eugene's approval, he went to the phone.
The latter had supposed that the conversation with Mr. Kalvin [Pg 439] was something which would necessarily have to take place at some future date; but from the conversation then and there held over the phone it appeared not. Mr. Fredericks explained elaborately over the phone—as though it was necessary—that he had been about the work of finding an advertising manager for some time, as Mr. Kalvin knew, and that he had some difficulty in finding the right man.
The latter had thought that the conversation with Mr. Kalvin [Pg 439] was something that would definitely need to happen at some point in the future; but from the conversation held over the phone at that moment, it didn’t seem so. Mr. Fredericks explained in great detail over the phone—as if it was necessary—that he had been working on finding an advertising manager for a while, as Mr. Kalvin was aware, and that he was having some trouble finding the right person.
"I have been talking to Mr. Witla, whom you met here today, and he is interested in what I have been telling him about the Weekly. He strikes me from my talk with him here as being possibly the man you are looking for. I thought that you might like to talk with him further."
"I've been chatting with Mr. Witla, whom you met today, and he's interested in what I've shared about the Weekly. From our conversation, he seems like he could be the person you're looking for. I thought you might want to have a deeper discussion with him."
Mr. Kalvin evidently signified his assent, for the machine was called out and they traveled to his house, perhaps a mile away. On the way Eugene's mind was busy with the possibilities of the future. It was all so nebulous, this talk of a connection with the famous Kalvin Publishing Company; but at the same time it was so significant, so potential. Could it be possible that he was going to leave Summerfield, after all, and under such advantageous circumstances? It seemed like a dream.
Mr. Kalvin clearly showed his agreement, so the machine was summoned, and they headed to his house, which was maybe a mile away. As they traveled, Eugene's mind was occupied with the possibilities of the future. The idea of a connection with the well-known Kalvin Publishing Company felt vague, but it was also incredibly important and full of potential. Could it really be that he was going to leave Summerfield after all, and under such favorable circumstances? It felt like a dream.
Mr. Kalvin met them in the library of his house, which stood in a spacious lawn and which save for the lights in the library was quite dark and apparently lonely. And here their conversation was continued. He was a quiet man—small, gray-haired, searching in his gaze. He had, as Eugene noted, little hands and feet, and appeared as still and composed as a pool in dull weather. He said slowly and quietly that he was glad that Eugene and Mr. Fredericks had had a talk. He had heard a little something of Eugene in the past; not much. He wanted to know what Eugene thought of current advertising policies, what he thought of certain new developments in advertising method, and so on, at some length.
Mr. Kalvin met them in the library of his house, which was located on a spacious lawn and was quite dark and seemingly lonely except for the lights in the library. Their conversation continued here. He was a quiet man—small, gray-haired, with a searching gaze. As Eugene noticed, he had small hands and feet and looked as calm and still as a pool on a gray day. He spoke slowly and quietly, expressing that he was glad Eugene and Mr. Fredericks had a chance to talk. He had heard a little about Eugene in the past; not much. He wanted to know Eugene's thoughts on current advertising policies, his opinion on certain new developments in advertising methods, and so on, in detail.
"So you think you might like to come with us," he observed drily toward the end, as though Eugene had proposed coming.
"So you think you might want to come with us," he said dryly at the end, as if Eugene had suggested joining them.
"I don't think I would object to coming under certain conditions," he replied.
"I don't think I'd mind coming under certain conditions," he replied.
"And what are those conditions?"
"And what are the conditions?"
"Well, I would rather hear what you have to suggest, Mr. Kalvin. I really am not sure that I want to leave where I am. I'm doing pretty well as it is."
"Well, I'd prefer to hear your suggestions, Mr. Kalvin. I'm honestly not sure I want to leave my current situation. I'm doing quite well as it is."
"Well, you seem a rather likely young man to me," said Mr. Kalvin. "You have certain qualities which I think I need. I'll say eight thousand for this year, and if everything is satisfactory [Pg 440] one year from this time I'll make it ten. After that we'll let the future take care of itself."
"Well, you seem like a promising young man to me," said Mr. Kalvin. "You have some qualities that I really need. I'll offer you eight thousand for this year, and if everything goes well, one year from now I'll raise it to ten. After that, we'll just see what happens."
"Eight thousand! Ten next year!" thought Eugene. The title of advertising manager of a great publication! This was certainly a step forward!
"Eight thousand! Ten next year!" thought Eugene. The title of advertising manager of a major publication! This was definitely a step forward!
"Well, that isn't so bad," he said, after a moment's apparent reflection. "I'd be willing to take that, I think."
"Well, that's not too bad," he said after a moment of apparent thought. "I think I could live with that."
"I thought you would," said Mr. Kalvin, with a dry smile. "Well, you and Mr. Fredericks can arrange the rest of the details. Let me wish you good luck," and he extended his hand cordially.
"I figured you would," said Mr. Kalvin, with a subtle smile. "Anyway, you and Mr. Fredericks can sort out the rest of the details. I wish you good luck," and he reached out his hand warmly.
Eugene took it.
Eugene accepted it.
It did not seem as he rode back in the machine with Mr. Fredericks to the latter's house—for he was invited to stay for the night—that it could really be true. Eight thousand a year! Was he eventually going to become a great business man instead of an artist? He could scarcely flatter himself that this was true, but the drift was strange. Eight thousand this year! Ten the next if he made good; twelve, fifteen, eighteen—— He had heard of such salaries in the advertising field alone, and how much more would his investments bring him. He foresaw an apartment on Riverside Drive in New York, a house in the country perhaps, for he fancied he would not always want to live in the city. An automobile of his own, perhaps; a grand piano for Angela; Sheraton or Chippendale furniture; friends, fame—what artist's career could compare to this? Did any artist he knew enjoy what he was enjoying now, even? Why should he worry about being an artist? Did they ever get anywhere? Would the approval of posterity let him ride in an automobile now? He smiled as he recalled Dula's talk about class superiority—the distinction of being an artist, even though poor. Poverty be hanged! Posterity could go to the devil! He wanted to live now—not in the approval of posterity.
It didn’t seem real as he rode back in the car with Mr. Fredericks to his house—where he had been invited to stay the night. Eight thousand a year! Was he really going to become a successful businessman instead of an artist? He could hardly convince himself that this was true, but it felt strange. Eight thousand this year! Ten the next if he did well; twelve, fifteen, eighteen—He had heard of salaries like that in advertising alone, and how much more could his investments earn him. He imagined an apartment on Riverside Drive in New York, maybe a house in the country, since he thought he wouldn’t always want to live in the city. A car of his own, perhaps; a grand piano for Angela; Sheraton or Chippendale furniture; friends, fame—what artist's career could compare to this? Did any artist he knew experience what he was feeling right now? Why should he worry about being an artist? Did they ever really succeed? Would the approval of future generations let him enjoy a car today? He smiled as he remembered Dula’s talk about class superiority—the prestige of being an artist, even if poor. To hell with poverty! Future generations could go to hell! He wanted to live now—not for the approval of posterity.
CHAPTER XXXVII
The best positions are not always free from the most disturbing difficulties, for great responsibility goes with great opportunity; but Eugene went gaily to this new task, for he knew that it could not possibly be much more difficult than the one he was leaving. Truly, Summerfield had been a terrible man to work for. He had done his best by petty nagging, insisting on endless variations, the most frank and brutal criticism, to break down Eugene's imperturbable good nature and make him feel that he could not reasonably hope to handle the situation without Summerfield's co-operation and assistance. But he had only been able, by so doing, to bring out Eugene's better resources. His self-reliance, coolness under fire, ability to work long and ardently even when his heart was scarcely in it, were all strengthened and developed.
The best positions aren't always free from major challenges, as great responsibility comes with great opportunity; but Eugene approached this new task with optimism, knowing it couldn't be much harder than the one he was leaving behind. Honestly, Summerfield had been a terrible boss. He tried his best with constant nagging, demanding endless changes, and delivering the most straightforward and harsh criticism to undermine Eugene's unshakeable good nature and make him feel like he couldn't possibly manage without Summerfield's support. But all that did was bring out Eugene's best qualities. His self-reliance, calmness under pressure, and ability to work hard and passionately even when he wasn't fully invested only grew stronger.
"Well, luck to you, Witla," he said, when Eugene informed him one morning that he was going to leave and wished to give him notice.
"Well, good luck to you, Witla," he said, when Eugene told him one morning that he was leaving and wanted to give him a heads up.
"You needn't take me into consideration. I don't want you to stay if you're going to go. The quicker the better. These long drawn-out agonies over leaving don't interest me. There's nothing in that. Clinch the job today if you want it. I'll find someone."
"You don’t need to think about me. I don’t want you to stick around if you’re planning to leave. The sooner, the better. I’m not interested in these drawn-out struggles over leaving. There’s no point in that. If you want the job, seal the deal today. I’ll find someone else."
Eugene resented his indifference, but he only smiled a cordial smile in reply. "I'll stay a little while if you want me to—one or two weeks—I don't want to tie up your work in any way."
Eugene felt annoyed by his indifference, but he just smiled a polite smile in response. "I can stick around for a bit if you'd like—maybe a week or two—I don’t want to hold up your work in any way."
"Oh, no, no! You won't tie up my work. On your way, and good luck!"
"Oh, no, no! You can't hold up my work. Off you go, and good luck!"
"The little devil!" thought Eugene; but he shook hands and said he was sorry. Summerfield grinned imperturbably. He wound up his affairs quickly and got out. "Thank God," he said the day he left, "I'm out of that hell hole!" But he came to realize afterward that Summerfield had rendered him a great service. He had forced him to do his best and utmost, which no one had ever done before. It had told in his character, his spiritual make-up, his very appearance. He was no longer timid and nervous, but rather bold and determined-looking. He had lost that fear of very little things, for he had been sailing through stormy seas. Little storms did not—could never again—really frighten him. He had learned to fight. That was the one great thing Summerfield had done for him.
"The little devil!" thought Eugene; but he shook hands and said he was sorry. Summerfield grinned unbothered. He wrapped up his business quickly and left. "Thank God," he said the day he left, "I'm out of that hellhole!" But he later realized that Summerfield had done him a huge favor. He had pushed him to give his all, something no one had ever done before. It showed in his character, his mindset, and even his looks. He was no longer timid and anxious, but rather confident and resolute. He had lost that fear of small things because he had been navigating through rough waters. Little storms didn’t—could never again—really scare him. He learned to fight. That was the one amazing thing Summerfield had done for him.
[Pg 442] In the offices of the Kalvin Company it was radically different. Here was comparative peace and quiet. Kalvin had not fought his way up by clubbing little people through little difficulties, but had devoted himself to thinking out a few big things, and letting them because of their very bigness and newness make their own way and his. He believed in big men, honest men—the biggest and most honest he could find. He saw something in Eugene, a tendency toward perfection perhaps which attracted him.
[Pg 442] In the offices of the Kalvin Company, it was completely different. There was a sense of peace and quiet here. Kalvin hadn't climbed his way up by pushing little people aside or overcoming minor hurdles, but had focused on thinking through a few significant ideas and letting those ideas, because of their size and uniqueness, carve out their own path and his. He believed in great men, honest men—the biggest and most honest he could find. He saw something in Eugene, perhaps a drive for perfection, that drew him in.
The formalities of this new arrangement were soon concluded, and Eugene came into his new and beautiful offices, heralded by the word recently passed about that he was a most charming man. He was greeted by the editor, Townsend Miller, in the most cordial manner. He was met by his assembled staff in the most friendly spirit. It quite took Eugene's breath away to realize that he was the responsible head of some fifteen capable advertising men here in Philadelphia alone, to say nothing of eight more in a branch office in Chicago and traveling canvassers in the different parts of the country—the far West, the South, the Southwest, the Canadian Northwest. His material surroundings were much more imposing than they had been with the Summerfield Company. The idea of all these men was to follow up business, to lay interesting propositions before successful merchants and manufacturers who had not yet tried the columns of the North American Weekly, to make contracts which should be mutually advantageous to the advertiser and the Weekly, and to gain and retain good-will according to the results rendered. It was no very difficult task in connection with the North American Weekly to do this, because owing to a novel and appealing editorial policy it was already in possession of a circulation of five hundred thousand a week, and was rapidly gaining more. It was not difficult, as Eugene soon found, to show advertisers in most cases that this was a proposition in which worth-while results could be obtained. What with Eugene's fertility in suggesting new methods of advertising, his suaveness of approach and geniality in laying before the most recalcitrant his very desirable schemes, his ability to get ideas and suggestions out of his men in conference, he was really in no danger of not being able to hold his own, and indeed was destined to make a rather remarkable showing.
The formalities of this new arrangement were quickly wrapped up, and Eugene stepped into his new and beautiful offices, already praised for being a charming person. He was warmly welcomed by the editor, Townsend Miller, and greeted by his staff in a friendly manner. Eugene was amazed to realize he was the head of about fifteen skilled advertising professionals in Philadelphia alone, not to mention eight more in a branch office in Chicago and traveling canvassers across the country—the far West, the South, the Southwest, and the Canadian Northwest. His work environment was much more impressive than it had been with the Summerfield Company. The goal of all these people was to follow up on business, present interesting proposals to successful merchants and manufacturers who hadn’t yet used the North American Weekly, create contracts that benefited both the advertiser and the Weekly, and earn and maintain goodwill based on the results delivered. It wasn’t too challenging to do this with the North American Weekly, as it already had a circulation of five hundred thousand a week due to an innovative and attractive editorial policy, and was rapidly gaining more. Eugene quickly discovered that it was usually easy to show advertisers that this was a worthwhile opportunity with great potential results. Thanks to Eugene’s creativity in suggesting new advertising methods, his smooth approach and friendliness in presenting his appealing plans, along with his skill in drawing ideas and suggestions from his team during meetings, he was well-equipped to hold his own and was indeed poised to make a notable impact.
Eugene and Angela settled into what might have been deemed a fixed attitude of comfort and refinement. Without much inconvenience to himself and with little friction among those about, he had succeeded in reorganizing his staff along lines [Pg 443] which were eminently satisfactory to himself. Some men who were formerly with the Summerfield Company were now with him. He had brought them because he found he could inculcate in them the spirit of sympathetic relationship and good understanding such as Kalvin desired. He was not making the progress which Summerfield was making with really less means at his command, but then, on the other hand, this was a rich company which did not ask or expect any such struggle as that which Summerfield had been and was still compelled to make for himself. The business ethics of this company were high. It believed in clean methods, good salaries, honest service. Kalvin liked him, and he had one memorable conversation with Eugene some time after he came there—almost a year—which stuck in his memory and did him much good. Kalvin saw clearly wherein both his strength and his weakness lay, and once said to Fredericks, his business manager: "The one thing I like about that man is his readiness with ideas. He always has one, and he's the most willing man to try I ever knew. He has imagination. He needs to be steadied in the direction of sober thought, so that he doesn't promise more than he can fulfil. Outside this I see nothing the matter with him."
Eugene and Angela settled into what could be seen as a comfortable and refined lifestyle. Without much trouble for himself and little friction with those around him, he successfully reorganized his team in a way that made him very satisfied. Some men who used to work at the Summerfield Company were now on his staff. He brought them on board because he realized he could instill in them the spirit of cooperation and mutual understanding that Kalvin wanted. He wasn't advancing as quickly as Summerfield, who had fewer resources at his disposal, but on the flip side, Summerfield was part of a wealthy company that didn't demand the same struggles that he had faced. This company had high business ethics. It believed in clean methods, fair salaries, and honest service. Kalvin appreciated him, and he had one unforgettable conversation with Eugene nearly a year after he started there, which left a lasting impression and benefited him greatly. Kalvin understood both Eugene’s strengths and weaknesses, and he once told Fredericks, his business manager: "The thing I like most about that man is his knack for generating ideas. He always has one, and he’s the most eager person to try anything I’ve ever met. He has imagination. He just needs to be focused on practical thinking, so he doesn’t make promises he can’t keep. Apart from that, I see nothing wrong with him."
Fredericks agreed. He liked Eugene also. He did as much as he could to make things smooth, but of course Eugene's task was personal and to be worked out by him solely. Kalvin said to him when it became necessary to raise his salary:
Fredericks agreed. He liked Eugene too. He did everything he could to make things easier, but of course, Eugene's situation was personal and needed to be figured out by him alone. Kalvin told him when it was time to ask for a raise:
"I've watched your work for a year now and I'm going to keep my word and raise your salary. You're a good man. You have many excellent qualities which I want and need in the man who sits at that desk; but you have also some failings. I don't want you to get offended. A man in my position is always like a father who sits at the head of a family, and my lieutenants are like my sons. I have to take an interest in them because they take an interest in me. Now you've done your work well—very well, but you are subject to one fault which may sometime lead into trouble. You're a little too enthusiastic. I don't think you stop to think enough. You have a lot of ideas. They swarm in your head like bees, and sometimes you let them all out at once and they buzz around you and confuse you and everyone else connected with you. You would really be a better man if you had, not less ideas—I wouldn't say that—but better control of them. You want to do too many things at once. Go slow. Take your time. You have lots of time. You're young yet. Think! If you're in doubt, come down and consult with me. I'm older in this business than you are, and I'll help you all I can."
"I've been following your work for a year now, and I’m going to keep my promise and give you a raise. You’re a good person. You have many great qualities that I want and need in the person at that desk, but you also have some flaws. I don’t want you to take this the wrong way. A person in my position is like a father at the head of a family, and my team is like my kids. I have to care about them because they care about me. Now, you’ve done your job well—very well—but there’s one issue that could cause trouble down the line. You can be a bit too enthusiastic. I don't think you take enough time to think things through. You have a lot of ideas. They buzz around in your head like bees, and sometimes you let them all out at once, which creates confusion for you and everyone else around you. You’d really be better off if you had not fewer ideas—I wouldn’t say that—but better control over them. You try to take on too much at once. Slow down. Take your time. You have plenty of time. You’re still young. Think! If you’re unsure about something, come and talk to me. I have more experience in this field than you do, and I’ll help you as much as I can."
[Pg 444] Eugene smiled and said: "I think that's true."
[Pg 444] Eugene smiled and said, "I believe that's true."
"It is true," said Kalvin; "and now I want to speak of another thing which is a little more of a personal matter, and I don't want you to take offence, for I'm saying it for your benefit. If I'm any judge of men, and I flatter myself sometimes that I am, you're a man whose greatest weakness lies—and, mind you, I have no actual evidence to go upon, not one scrap—your greatest weakness lies perhaps not so much in the direction of women as in a love of luxury generally, of which women might become, and usually are, a very conspicuous part."
"It’s true," said Kalvin. "Now I want to talk about something a bit more personal, and I hope you don’t take offense, because I'm saying this for your own good. If I know anything about people, and I like to think I do, you’re a guy whose biggest weakness seems—not that I have any solid proof or anything—to be less about women specifically and more about a love for luxury in general, which often includes women as a noticeable part."
Eugene flushed the least bit nervously and resentfully, for he thought he had conducted himself in the most circumspect manner here—in fact, everywhere since the days he had begun to put the Riverwood incident behind him.
Eugene felt a bit nervous and resentful, thinking he had behaved very cautiously here—in fact, everywhere since he started to move on from the Riverwood incident.
"Now I suppose you wonder why I say that. Well, I raised two boys, both dead now, and one was just a little like you. You have so much imagination that it runs not only to ideas in business, but ideas in dress and comfort and friends and entertainment. Be careful of the kind of people you get in with. Stick to the conservative element. It may be hard for you, but it's best for you, materially speaking. You're the kind of man, if my observations and intuitions are correct, who is apt to be carried away by his ideals of anything—beauty, women, show. Now I have no ascetic objections to women, but to you they are dangerous, as yet. At bottom, I don't think you have the making of a real cold business man in you, but you're a splendid lieutenant. I'll tell you frankly I don't think a better man than you has ever sat, or could sit, in that chair. You are very exceptional, but your very ability makes you an uncertain quantity. You're just on the threshold of your career. This additional two thousand dollars is going to open up new opportunities to you. Keep cool. Keep out of the hands of clever people. Don't let subtle women come near. You're married, and for your sake I hope you love your wife. If you don't, pretend to, and stay within the bounds of convention. Don't let any scandal ever attach to you. If you do it will be absolutely fatal so far as I am concerned. I have had to part with a number of excellent men in my time because a little money turned their heads and they went wild over some one woman, or many women. Don't you be that way. I like you. I'd like to see you get along. Be cold if you can. Be careful. Think. That's the best advice I can give you, and I wish you luck."
"Now I guess you're wondering why I say that. Well, I raised two boys, both of whom are gone now, and one of them was a bit like you. You have so much imagination that it extends to ideas in business, style, comfort, friendships, and entertainment. Be careful about the people you associate with. Stick to the more conservative crowd. It might be tough for you, but it's the best choice for you, financially speaking. You're the kind of person, if I'm right in my observations and instincts, who tends to get swept away by his ideals of everything—beauty, women, appearances. Now, I have no moral objections to women, but they're a risk for you, at this point. Deep down, I don't think you're cut out to be a hard-nosed businessman, but you're a fantastic second in command. Honestly, I don't believe there's a better person than you who has ever sat, or could sit, in that chair. You are truly exceptional, but your talent also makes you unpredictable. You're just starting out in your career. This extra two thousand dollars is going to create new opportunities for you. Stay calm. Avoid clever people. Don't let manipulative women get close. You're married, and for your sake, I hope you love your wife. If you don't, at least pretend to and stick to what's socially acceptable. Never let any scandal connect to you. If it does, it will be completely detrimental as far as I'm concerned. I've had to part ways with several great men because a little money went to their heads and they became infatuated with one woman or many. Don't let that happen to you. I like you. I want to see you succeed. Stay composed if you can. Be cautious. Think. That's the best advice I can give you, and I wish you the best of luck."
He waved him a dismissal, and Eugene rose. He wondered how this man had seen so clearly into his character. It was the [Pg 445] truth, and he knew it was. His inmost thoughts and feelings were evidently written where this man could see them. Fittingly was he president of a great company. He could read men.
He waved him away, and Eugene got up. He wondered how this guy had seen so clearly into his character. It was the [Pg 445] truth, and he knew it was. His deepest thoughts and feelings were obviously visible to this man. No wonder he was the president of a major company. He could read people.
He went back into his office and decided to take this lesson to heart. He must keep cool and sane always. "I guess I've had enough experience to know that, though, by now," he said and dismissed the idea from his mind.
He went back into his office and decided to take this lesson to heart. He must stay calm and rational at all times. "I guess I've had enough experience to know that by now," he said and pushed the thought aside.
For this year and the year following, when his salary was raised to twelve thousand, Eugene flourished prodigiously. He and Miller became better friends than ever. Miller had advertising ideas which were of value to Eugene. Eugene had art and editorial ideas which were of value to Miller. They were together a great deal at social functions, and were sometimes hailed by their companions as the "Kalvin Kids," and the "Limelight Twins." Eugene learned to play golf with Miller, though he was a slow student and never good, and also tennis. He and Mrs. Miller, Angela and Townsend, frequently made a set on their own court or over at Miller's. They automobiled and rode a great deal. Eugene met some charming women, particularly young ones, at dances, of which he had become very fond, and at dinners and receptions. They and the Millers were invited to a great many affairs, but by degrees it became apparent to him, as it did to Miller and Mrs. Miller, that his presence was much more desired by a certain type of smart woman than was that of his wife.
For this year and the following year, when his salary increased to twelve thousand, Eugene thrived immensely. He and Miller became closer friends than ever. Miller had advertising ideas that were useful to Eugene. Eugene had artistic and editorial concepts that benefited Miller. They spent a lot of time together at social events and were often referred to by their friends as the "Kalvin Kids" and the "Limelight Twins." Eugene learned to play golf with Miller, although he was a slow learner and never really good, and also took up tennis. He, Mrs. Miller, Angela, and Townsend often played together on their own court or at Miller's place. They went out driving and rode around a lot. Eugene met some wonderful women, especially young ones, at dances, which he had come to enjoy, as well as at dinners and receptions. He and the Millers got invited to many events, but gradually it became clear to him, as it did to Miller and Mrs. Miller, that certain sophisticated women preferred his company over that of his wife.
"Oh, he is so clever!" was an observation which might have been heard in various quarters. Frequently the compliment stopped there and nothing was said of Angela, or later on it would come up that she was not quite so nice. Not that she was not charming and worthy and all that, "But you know, my dear, she isn't quite so available. You can't use her as you can some women."
"Oh, he's so smart!" was something you might hear from time to time. Often, the compliment ended there, and people wouldn’t mention Angela again, or later it would come up that she wasn’t the best. Not that she wasn't lovely and decent and all that, "But you know, darling, she's just not as easy to get to. You can't rely on her like you can with some women."
It was at this time that Angela first conceived the notion seriously that a child might have a sobering effect on Eugene. She had, in spite of the fact that for some time now they had been well able to support one or more, and in spite also of the fact that Eugene's various emotional lapses indicated that he needed a sobering weight of some kind, steadily objected in her mind to the idea of subjecting herself to this ordeal. To tell the truth, aside from the care and worry which always, owing to her early experience with her sister's children, had been associated in her mind with the presence of them, she was decidedly afraid of the result. She had heard her mother say that most girls in their infancy showed very clearly whether they were to [Pg 446] be good healthy mothers or not—whether they were to have children—and her recollection was that her mother had once said that she would not have any children. She half believed it to be impossible in her case, though she had never told this to Eugene, and she had guarded herself jealously against the chance of having any.
It was during this time that Angela first seriously considered the idea that having a child might have a grounding effect on Eugene. Despite the fact that they were both capable of supporting one or more children for some time now, and also because Eugene's emotional struggles suggested he needed some kind of stabilizing force, she persistently resisted the idea of putting herself through that ordeal. To be honest, apart from the care and concern that always came to her mind due to her early experiences with her sister's kids, she was honestly quite afraid of the outcome. She remembered her mother saying that most little girls showed early on whether they would be good, healthy mothers or not—whether they would have children—and she recalled her mother once saying she wouldn't have any. She partly believed it was impossible for her, although she had never shared this thought with Eugene, and she had been very cautious about the possibility of becoming pregnant.
Now, however, after watching Eugene all these years, seeing the drift of his present mood, feeling the influence of prosperity on him, she wished sincerely that she might have one, without great danger or discomfort to herself, in order that she might influence and control him. He might learn to love it. The sense of responsibility involved would have its effect. People would look to him to conduct himself soberly under these circumstances, and he probably would—he was so subject to public opinion now. She thought of this a long time, wondering, for fear and annoyance were quite strong influences with her, and she did nothing immediately. She listened to various women who talked with her from time to time about the child question, and decided that perhaps it was very wrong not to have children—at least one or two; that it was very likely possible that she could have one, if she wanted to. A Mrs. Sanifore who called on her quite frequently in Philadelphia—she met her at the Millers'—told her that she was sure she could have one even if she was past the usual age for first babies; for she had known so many women who had.
Now, after watching Eugene all these years and noticing how his current mood has changed, along with the impact of his success, she genuinely wished she could have a child herself, without putting herself at too much risk or discomfort, so she could influence and guide him. He might come to love it. The responsibility that would come with it would make a difference. People would expect him to behave maturely in this situation, and he probably would—he was so influenced by what others thought of him now. She pondered this for a long time, as both fear and annoyance weighed heavily on her, so she didn’t act right away. She listened to different women who occasionally discussed parenting with her and considered that maybe it was very wrong not to have children—at least one or two; that it was quite possible she could have one if she wanted to. A Mrs. Sanifore, who visited her often in Philadelphia—she met her at the Millers'—was confident that she could have a baby even if she was past the typical age for having her first, since she had known many women who had.
"If I were you, Mrs. Witla, I would see a doctor," she suggested one day. "He can tell you. I'm sure you can if you want to. They have so many ways of dieting and exercising you which make all the difference in the world. I'd like to have you come some day and see my doctor, if you will."
"If I were you, Mrs. Witla, I would see a doctor," she suggested one day. "He can help you. I'm sure you can if you want to. They have so many ways of dieting and exercising that make a huge difference. I’d love for you to come sometime and see my doctor, if you’re up for it."
Angela decided that she would, for curiosity's sake, and in case she wished to act in the matter some time; and was informed by the wiseacre who examined her that in his opinion there was no doubt that she could. She would have to subject herself to a strict regimen. Her muscles would have to be softened by some form of manipulation. Otherwise, she was apparently in a healthy, normal condition and would suffer no intolerable hardship. This pleased and soothed Angela greatly. It gave her a club wherewith to strike her lord—a chain wherewith to bind him. She did not want to act at once. It was too serious a matter. She wanted time to think. But it was pleasant to know that she could do this. Unless Eugene sobered down now——
Angela decided that out of curiosity, and in case she wanted to take action later, she would look into it; and the know-it-all who examined her told her that he believed there was no doubt she could. She would need to stick to a strict regimen. Her muscles would have to be softened through some kind of manipulation. Otherwise, she seemed to be in a healthy, normal state and wouldn’t face any unbearable hardship. This brought Angela a lot of comfort and happiness. It gave her a weapon to use against her partner—a way to control him. She didn’t want to take action right away. It was too important. She needed time to think. But it was nice to know she had this option. Unless Eugene got his act together now—
During the time in which he had been working for the Summerfield [Pg 447] Company and since then for the Kalvin Company here in Philadelphia, Eugene, in spite of the large salary he was receiving—more each year—really had not saved so much money. Angela had seen to it that some of his earnings were invested in Pennsylvania Railroad stock, which seemed to her safe enough, and in a plot of ground two hundred by two hundred feet at Upper Montclair, New Jersey, near New York, where she and Eugene might some day want to live. His business engagements had necessitated considerable personal expenditures, his opportunity to enter the Baltusrol Golf Club, the Yere Tennis Club, the Philadelphia Country Club, and similar organizations had taken annual sums not previously contemplated, and the need of having a modest automobile, not a touring car, was obvious. His short experience with that served as a lesson, however, for it was found to be a terrific expense, entirely disproportionate to his income. After paying for endless repairs, salarying a chauffeur wearisomely, and meeting with an accident which permanently damaged the looks of his machine, he decided to give it up. They could rent autos for all the uses they would have. And so that luxury ended there.
During the time he had been working for the Summerfield [Pg 447] Company and later for the Kalvin Company in Philadelphia, Eugene, despite the high salary he was earning—more each year—hadn't saved much money. Angela made sure some of his earnings were invested in Pennsylvania Railroad stock, which she thought was safe enough, and in a piece of land that measured two hundred by two hundred feet in Upper Montclair, New Jersey, near New York, where she and Eugene might want to live one day. His business commitments required significant personal spending; opportunities to join the Baltusrol Golf Club, the Yere Tennis Club, the Philadelphia Country Club, and similar places took annual amounts he hadn't initially considered, and having a modest car, not a luxury vehicle, seemed necessary. However, his brief experience with that taught him a lesson, as it turned out to be an enormous expense, completely out of line with his income. After paying for countless repairs, laboring to pay a chauffeur, and dealing with an accident that permanently affected his car's appearance, he decided to sell it. They could rent cars for all the times they needed one. And so that luxury ended there.
It was curious, too, how during this time their Western home relations fell rather shadowily into the background. Eugene had not been home now for nearly two years, and Angela had seen only David of all her family since she had been in Philadelphia. In the fall of their third year there Angela's mother died and she returned to Blackwood for a short time. The following spring Eugene's father died. Myrtle moved to New York; her husband, Frank Bangs, was connected with a western furniture company which was maintaining important show rooms in New York. Myrtle had broken down nervously and taken up Christian Science, Eugene heard. Henry Burgess, Sylvia's husband, had become president of the bank with which he had been so long connected, and had sold his father's paper, the Alexandria Appeal, when the latter suddenly died. Marietta was promising to come to Philadelphia next year, in order, as she said, that Eugene might get her a rich husband; but Angela informed him privately that Marietta was now irrevocably engaged and would, the next year, marry a wealthy Wisconsin lumber man. Everyone was delighted to hear that Eugene was doing so well, though all regretted the lapse of his career as an artist. His fame as an advertising man was growing, and he was thought to have considerable weight in the editorial direction of the North American Weekly. So he flourished.
It was interesting how, during this time, their connections to home in the West faded into the background. Eugene hadn't been home for almost two years, and Angela had only seen David from her family since moving to Philadelphia. In the fall of their third year there, Angela's mother passed away, and she went back to Blackwood for a short while. The following spring, Eugene's father died. Myrtle moved to New York; her husband, Frank Bangs, was involved with a western furniture company that had significant showrooms in New York. Eugene heard that Myrtle had become very anxious and turned to Christian Science for help. Henry Burgess, Sylvia's husband, had become president of the bank he had been with for so long and sold his father's newspaper, the Alexandria Appeal, when his father suddenly passed away. Marietta promised to come to Philadelphia next year so Eugene could help her find a rich husband; however, Angela privately told him that Marietta was now definitely engaged and planned to marry a wealthy lumberman from Wisconsin the following year. Everyone was happy to hear that Eugene was doing so well, although they all regretted his drift away from an artistic career. His reputation as an advertising executive was on the rise, and he was considered to have significant influence in the editorial direction of the North American Weekly. So he thrived.
CHAPTER XXXVIII
It was in the fall of the third year that the most flattering offer of any was made him, and that without any seeking on his part, for he was convinced that he had found a fairly permanent berth and was happy among his associates. Publishing and other trade conditions were at this time in a peculiar condition, in which lieutenants of any importance in any field might well be called to positions of apparently extraordinary prominence and trust. Most of the great organizations of Eugene's day were already reaching a point where they were no longer controlled by the individuals who had founded and constructed them, but had passed into the hands of sons or holding companies, or groups of stockholders, few of whom knew much, if anything, of the businesses which they were called to engineer and protect.
It was in the fall of his third year that he received the most impressive offer, and it came without him even looking for it, as he believed he had found a pretty stable job and was happy with his colleagues. At that time, the publishing industry and other business sectors were in a strange situation where important assistants in any field could be promoted to roles of significant responsibility and influence. Most of the major organizations of Eugene's time were reaching a point where they were no longer run by the founders who created them; instead, they had fallen into the hands of their sons, holding companies, or groups of shareholders, many of whom knew little, if anything, about the businesses they were supposed to manage and safeguard.
Hiram C. Colfax was not a publisher at all at heart. He had come into control of the Swinton-Scudder-Davis Company by one of those curious manipulations of finance which sometimes give the care of sheep into the hands of anything but competent or interested shepherds. Colfax was sufficiently alert to handle anything in such a way that it would eventually make money for him, even if that result were finally attained by parting with it. In other words, he was a financier. His father had been a New England soap manufacturer, and having accumulated more or less radical ideas along with his wealth, had decided to propagandize in favor of various causes, the Single Tax theory of Henry George for one, Socialism for another, the promotion of reform ideas in politics generally. He had tried in various ways to get his ideas before the public, but had not succeeded very well. He was not a good speaker, not a good writer, simply a good money maker and fairly capable thinker, and this irritated him. He thought once of buying or starting a newspaper in Boston, but investigation soon showed him that this was a rather hazardous undertaking. He next began subsidizing small weeklies which should advocate his reforms, but this resulted in little. His interest in pamphleteering did bring his name to the attention of Martin W. Davis of the Swinton-Scudder-Davis Company, whose imprint on books, magazines and weeklies was as common throughout the length and breadth of the land as that of Oxford is upon the English bible.
Hiram C. Colfax wasn’t really a publisher at heart. He had taken control of the Swinton-Scudder-Davis Company through one of those strange financial maneuvers that sometimes put the care of sheep in the hands of people who are neither competent nor interested shepherds. Colfax was sharp enough to handle anything in a way that would eventually make him money, even if it meant letting go of it. In other words, he was a financier. His father had been a soap manufacturer in New England and had accumulated more than just wealth; he had developed somewhat radical ideas along with it. He decided to promote various causes, including Henry George's Single Tax theory and Socialism, along with advocating for political reform ideas in general. He tried different ways to get his ideas out to the public, but didn’t have much success. He wasn’t a good speaker or writer—just a good money maker and a fairly capable thinker, which frustrated him. He once thought about buying or starting a newspaper in Boston, but quickly realized that was a risky move. He then began funding small weekly newspapers to advocate for his reforms, but that didn’t yield much either. His interest in pamphlets did get him noticed by Martin W. Davis from the Swinton-Scudder-Davis Company, whose name appeared on books, magazines, and weeklies all across the country, just like Oxford's on the English Bible.
The Swinton-Scudder-Davis Company was in sad financial [Pg 449] straits. Intellectually, for various reasons, it had run to seed. John Jacob Swinton and Owen V. Scudder, the men with book, magazine and true literary instincts, were long since dead. Mr. Davis had tried for the various heirs and assigns involved to run it intelligently and honestly, but intelligence and honesty were of little value in this instance without great critical judgment. This he had not. The house had become filled with editors, readers, critics, foremen of manufacturing and printing departments, business managers, art directors, traveling salesmen and so on without end, each of whom might be reasonably efficient if left alone, but none of whom worked well together and all of whom used up a great deal of money.
The Swinton-Scudder-Davis Company was in a tough financial situation. Intellectually, it had lost its touch for various reasons. John Jacob Swinton and Owen V. Scudder, the men with the instincts for books, magazines, and real literature, had been dead for a long time. Mr. Davis had tried to manage it smartly and honestly on behalf of the various heirs involved, but intelligence and honesty didn’t mean much in this case without strong critical judgment. He didn’t have that. The company had become crowded with editors, readers, critics, manufacturing and printing department foremen, business managers, art directors, traveling salespeople, and a never-ending list of others. Each of them could be reasonably effective if left to their own devices, but none of them worked well together, and they all burned through a lot of money.
The principal literary publication, a magazine of great prestige, was in the hands of an old man who had been editor for nearly forty years. A weekly was being run by a boy, comparatively, a youth of twenty-nine. A second magazine, devoted to adventure fiction, was in the hands of another young man of twenty-six, a national critical monthly was in the hands of salaried critics of great repute and uncompromising attitude. The book department was divided into the hands of a juvenile editor, a fiction editor, a scientific and educational editor and so on. It was Mr. Davis' task to see that competent overseers were in charge of all departments so that they might flourish and work harmoniously under him, but he was neither sufficiently wise or forceful to fill the rôle. He was old and was veered about first by one theory and then by another, and within the house were rings and cliques. One of the most influential of these—the most influential, in fact—was one which was captained and led by Florence J. White, an Irish-American, who as business manager (and really more than that, general manager under Davis) was in charge of the manufacturing and printing departments, and who because of his immense budgets for paper, ink, printing, mailing and distribution generally, was in practical control of the business.
The main literary publication, a highly respected magazine, was run by an old man who had been the editor for nearly forty years. A weekly magazine was managed by a younger guy, who was only twenty-nine. A second magazine focused on adventure fiction was taken care of by another young man, aged twenty-six, while a national critical monthly was overseen by well-known critics with strong opinions. The book department had separate editors for children’s literature, fiction, and educational content, among others. It was Mr. Davis' job to ensure that knowledgeable people were in charge of all departments so they could thrive and work well together under him, but he wasn’t wise or assertive enough for the role. He was old and often swayed by various theories, and there were cliques and factions within the company. One of the most powerful of these—actually the most powerful—was led by Florence J. White, an Irish-American, who, as the business manager (and really more like the general manager under Davis), oversaw the manufacturing and printing departments. Because of his huge budgets for paper, ink, printing, mailing, and distribution, he basically had control over the business.
He it was who with Davis' approval said how much was to be paid for paper, ink, composition, press work, and salaries generally. He it was who through his henchman, the head of the printing department, arranged the working schedules by which the magazines and books were to reach the presses, with the practical power to say whether they were to be on time or not. He it was who through another superintendent supervised the mailing and the stock room, and by reason of his great executive ability was coming to have a threatening control over the advertising and circulation departments.
He was the one who, with Davis' approval, decided how much would be paid for paper, ink, typesetting, printing, and salaries in general. He was the one who, through his right-hand man, the head of the printing department, arranged the schedules for getting the magazines and books to the presses, having the actual power to determine whether they would be on time or not. He was also the one who, through another manager, oversaw the mailing and stock room, and because of his impressive leadership skills, he was gaining significant control over the advertising and circulation departments.
[Pg 450] The one trouble with White, and this was something which would affect any man who should come in through Davis' auspices, was that he knew nothing of art, literature, or science, and cared less, his only interest being in manufacture. He had risen so rapidly on the executive side that his power had outrun his financial means. Davis, the present head above him, had no means beyond his own depreciated share. Because of poor editorial judgment, the books and magazines were tottering through a serious loss of prestige to eventual failure. Something had to be done, for at that time the expenditure for three years past had been much greater than the receipts.
[Pg 450] The main issue with White, and this would be a problem for anyone who came in under Davis, was that he didn’t know anything about art, literature, or science, and he cared even less; his only interest was in manufacturing. He had advanced so quickly in the executive sphere that his power had outpaced his financial resources. Davis, the person above him, had no assets beyond his own devalued shares. Due to poor editorial decisions, the books and magazines were on the verge of losing credibility, leading to their eventual failure. Something needed to be done, as at that time, expenses over the past three years had significantly exceeded the earnings.
So Marshall P. Colfax, the father of Hiram Colfax, had been appealed to, because of his interest in reform ideas which might be to a certain extent looked upon as related to literature, and because he was reported to be a man of great wealth. Rumor reported his fortune as being anywhere between six and eight millions. The proposition which Davis had to put before him was this: that he buy from the various heirs and assigns the whole of the stock outside his (Davis') own, which amounted to somewhere about sixty-five per cent, and then come in as managing director and reorganize the company to suit himself. Davis was old. He did not want to trouble himself about the future of this company or risk his own independent property. He realized as well as anyone that what the company needed was new blood. A receivership at this juncture would injure the value of the house imprint very much indeed. White had no money, and besides he was so new and different that Davis scarcely understood what his ambitions or his true importance might be. There was no real intellectual sympathy between them. In the main, he did not like White's temperament, and so in considering what might be done for the company he passed him by.
So Marshall P. Colfax, Hiram Colfax's father, had been approached because of his interest in reform ideas that could be somewhat related to literature and because he was rumored to be very wealthy. Gossip estimated his fortune to be between six and eight million dollars. The proposal Davis had for him was to buy out the other heirs and stakeholders, which together made up about sixty-five percent of the stock, and then step in as the managing director to reorganize the company as he saw fit. Davis was older and didn't want to worry about the company's future or risk his own assets. He understood just as well as anyone that the company needed fresh talent. A receivership at that point would seriously harm the company's value. White had no money, and he was so new and different that Davis barely understood what his ambitions or true significance might be. There was no real intellectual connection between them, and overall, Davis didn't like White's temperament, so when considering what could be done for the company, he overlooked him.
Various consultations were held. Colfax was greatly flattered to think that this proposition should be brought to his attention at all. He had three sons, only one of whom was interested in the soap business. Edward and Hiram, the two youngest, wanted nothing to do with it. He thought this might be an outlet for the energies of one or both of them, preferably Hiram, who was more of an intellectual and scientific turn than the others, though his chief interests were financial; and besides these books and publications would give him the opportunity which he had long been seeking. His personal prestige might be immensely heightened thereby. He examined carefully into the financial phases of the situation, using his son Hiram, whose [Pg 451] financial judgment he had faith in, as an accountant and mouthpiece, and finally, after seeing that he could secure the stock on a long-time consideration for a very moderate valuation—$1,500,000, while it was worth $3,000,000—he had his son Hiram elected director and president and proceeded to see what could be done with the company.
Various meetings were held. Colfax was really pleased to think that this proposal had come to his attention at all. He had three sons, but only one was interested in the soap business. Edward and Hiram, the two youngest, wanted nothing to do with it. He thought this could be a chance for one or both of them to get involved, preferably Hiram, who was more intellectual and scientific than the others, even though his main interests were financial. Plus, these books and publications would provide him the opportunity he had been looking for. His personal prestige could benefit greatly from this. He looked closely at the financial aspects of the situation, using his son Hiram, whose financial judgment he trusted, as an accountant and spokesperson. In the end, after realizing he could acquire the stock with a long-term plan for a very reasonable price—$1,500,000, when it was worth $3,000,000—he had Hiram elected as director and president and set out to see what could be done with the company.
In this approaching transaction Florence J. White had seen his opportunity and seized it. He had realized on sight that Hiram would need and possibly appreciate all the information and assistance he could get, and being in a position to know he had laid all the facts in connection with the house plainly before him. He saw clearly where the trouble lay, the warring factions, the lack of editorial judgment, the poor financial manipulations. He knew exactly where the stock was and by what representations it could be best frightened and made to release itself cheaply. He worked vigorously for Hiram because he liked him and the latter reciprocated his regard.
In this upcoming deal, Florence J. White recognized his chance and took it. He realized right away that Hiram would need and likely appreciate all the information and help he could get, so being in the know, he laid out all the facts about the house clearly for him. He understood the trouble spots, the conflicting groups, the lack of editorial judgment, and the poor financial dealings. He knew exactly where the stock stood and how it could be scared into releasing itself cheaply. He put in a lot of effort for Hiram because he liked him, and Hiram felt the same way about him.
"You've been a prince in this transaction, White," he said to that individual one day. "You've put things practically in my hands. I'm not going to forget it."
"You've been a real prince in this deal, White," he said to him one day. "You've practically handed everything to me. I won't forget it."
"Don't mention it," said White. "It's to my interest to see a real live man come in here."
"Don't worry about it," White said. "I actually want to see a real person come in here."
"When I become president, you become vice-president, and that means twenty-five thousand a year." White was then getting twelve.
"When I become president, you'll be vice-president, and that means twenty-five thousand a year." White was currently making twelve.
"When I become vice-president nothing will ever happen to your interests," returned the other man grimly. White was six feet tall, lean, savage, only semi-articulate. Colfax was small, wiry, excitable, with enough energy to explode a cartridge by yelling at it. He was eager, vainglorious, in many respects brilliant. He wanted to shine in the world, and he did not know how to do it as yet exactly.
"When I become vice president, nothing will ever threaten your interests," the other man replied sternly. White was six feet tall, lean, and fierce, only somewhat articulate. Colfax was short, wiry, and full of energy, with enough enthusiasm to set off a cartridge just by shouting at it. He was eager, vain, and in many ways brilliant. He wanted to make a name for himself in the world, but he still didn’t know exactly how to do it.
The two shook hands firmly.
They shook hands firmly.
Some three months later Colfax was duly elected director and president, and the same meeting that elected him president elected Florence J. White vice-president. The latter was for clearing out all the old elements and letting in new blood. Colfax was for going slow, until he could see for himself what he wanted to do. One or two men were eliminated at once, an old circulation man and an old advertising man. In six months, while they were still contemplating additional changes and looking for new men, Colfax senior died, and the Swinton-Scudder-Davis Company, or at least Mr. Colfax's control of it, was willed to Hiram. So he sat there, accidentally president, and [Pg 452] in full charge, wondering how he should make it a great success, and Florence J. White was his henchman and sworn ally.
About three months later, Colfax was officially elected as the director and president, and at the same meeting that appointed him president, Florence J. White was elected vice-president. White was all for getting rid of the old guard and bringing in fresh talent. Colfax preferred to take his time until he could figure out what he wanted to do. A couple of people were let go immediately—a veteran in circulation and an old advertising guy. Six months later, while they were still considering more changes and searching for new talent, Colfax senior passed away, and the control of the Swinton-Scudder-Davis Company, or at least Mr. Colfax's part of it, was left to Hiram. So there he was, unexpectedly president and fully in charge, pondering how he could turn it into a major success, with Florence J. White as his right-hand man and loyal supporter. [Pg 452]
At the time that Colfax first heard of Eugene he had been in charge of the Swinton-Scudder-Davis Company (which he was planning to reincorporate as "The United Magazines Corporation") for three years. He had made a number of changes, some radical, some conservative. He had put in an advertising man whom he was now finding unsatisfactory, and had made changes in the art and editorial departments which were more the result of the suggestions of others, principally of White, than the thoughts of his own brain. Martin W. Davis had retired. He was old and sick, and unwilling to ruminate in a back-room position. Such men as the editor of the National Review, Swinton's Magazine, and Scudder's Weekly were the only figures of importance about the place, and they were now of course immensely subsidiary to Hiram Colfax and Florence White.
At the time Colfax first heard about Eugene, he had been running the Swinton-Scudder-Davis Company (which he planned to reincorporate as "The United Magazines Corporation") for three years. He had made several changes, some of them radical and some more traditional. He had brought in an advertising guy who he was now finding disappointing, and he had made adjustments in the art and editorial departments that were more influenced by others’ suggestions, especially White's, than by his own ideas. Martin W. Davis had retired. He was old and ill and not interested in sitting in a back-room position. The only significant figures left at the company were the editors of the National Review, Swinton's Magazine, and Scudder's Weekly, and they were now, of course, entirely subordinate to Hiram Colfax and Florence White.
The latter had introduced a rather hard, bitter atmosphere into the place. He had been raised under difficult conditions himself in a back street in Brooklyn, and had no sympathy with the airs and intellectual insipidities which characterized the editorial and literary element which filled the place. He had an Irishman's love of organization and politics, but far and away above that he had an Irishman's love of power. Because of the trick he had scored in winning the favor of Hiram Colfax at the time when the tremendous affairs of the concern were in a state of transition, he had become immensely ambitious. He wanted to be not nominally but actually director of the affairs of this house under Colfax, and he saw his way clear to do it by getting editors, art directors, department heads and assistants generally who were agreeable to him. But unfortunately he could not do this directly, for while Colfax cared little about the details of the business his hobby was just this one thing—men. Like Obadiah Kalvin, of the Kalvin Publishing Company, who, by the way, was now his one great rival, Colfax prided himself on his ability to select men. His general idea was that if he could find one more man as good as Florence White to take charge of the art, editorial and book end of the business, not from the manufacturing and commercial, but from the intellectual and spiritual ends—a man with ideas who would draw to him authors, editors, scientific writers and capable assistants generally—the fortune of the house would be made. He thought, sanely enough from some points of view, that this publishing world could be divided in this way. White bringing [Pg 453] the inside manufacturing, purchasing and selling interests to a state of perfection; the new man, whoever he might be, bringing the ideas of the house and their literary and artistic representation up to such a state of efficiency that the whole country would know that it was once more powerful and successful. He wanted to be called the foremost publisher of his day, and then he could retire gracefully or devote himself to other financial matters as he pleased.
The latter had created a tough, bitter vibe in the place. He had grown up under tough circumstances in a Brooklyn back street and had no patience for the pretentiousness and blandness that characterized the editorial and literary crowd there. He had an Irishman's passion for organization and politics, but above all, he had an Irishman's hunger for power. After getting on Hiram Colfax's good side while the company was going through a major transition, he had become extremely ambitious. He wanted to be, not just in name but in reality, the director of this house under Colfax, and he figured he could achieve it by surrounding himself with editors, art directors, department heads, and assistants who were on his side. Unfortunately, he couldn’t go about this directly, since Colfax didn’t care much for the day-to-day operations; his real passion was people. Like Obadiah Kalvin of the Kalvin Publishing Company, who happened to be his main rival, Colfax took pride in his ability to pick the right people. His basic belief was that if he could find one more person as talented as Florence White to oversee the art, editorial, and publishing side of things—not just the manufacturing and sales, but the intellectual and creative sides—a person with ideas who would attract authors, editors, scientific writers, and capable assistants—the success of the house would be secured. He thought, reasonably enough from certain perspectives, that this publishing world could be divided this way. White could perfect the manufacturing, purchasing, and sales areas; the new hire, whoever that might be, would elevate the company’s ideas and their literary and artistic representation to the point where everyone would know it was powerful and thriving once again. He wanted to be recognized as the leading publisher of his time, and then he could either retire gracefully or focus on other financial ventures as he wished.
He really did not understand Florence J. White as well as he did himself. White was a past master at dissembling. He had no desire to see any such thing as Colfax was now planning come to pass. He could not do the things intellectually and spiritually which Colfax wanted done, nevertheless he wanted to be king under this emperor, the real power behind the throne, and he did not propose to brook any interference if he could help it. It was in his power, having the printing and composing room in his hands, to cause any man whom he greatly disliked to suffer severely. Forms could be delayed, material lost, complaints lodged as to dilatoriness in the matter of meeting schedules, and so on, ad infinitum. He had the Irishman's love of chicanery in the matter of morals. If he could get at an enemy's record and there was a flaw in it, the facts were apt to become mysteriously known at the most inconvenient times. He demanded the utmost loyalty of those who worked under him. If a man did not know enough instinctively to work intelligently for his interests, while at the same time appearing to serve the interests of the house at large only, he was soon dismissed on one pretext or another. Intelligent department heads, not sure of their own strength and seeing which way the wind was blowing, soon lined up in his course. Those whom he liked and who did his will prospered. Those whom he disliked suffered greatly in their duties, and were forever explaining or complaining to Colfax, who was not aware of White's subtlety and who therefore thought them incompetent.
He really didn’t understand Florence J. White as well as he understood himself. White was an expert at pretending. He didn’t want anything like what Colfax was planning to happen. He wasn’t capable of doing the intellectual and spiritual tasks Colfax wanted, but he wanted to be the king under this emperor, the real power behind the throne, and he intended to not let anyone interfere if he could help it. Since he controlled the printing and composing room, he had the power to make any man he really disliked suffer significantly. Deadlines could be delayed, materials could go missing, complaints could be filed about slow progress, and so on, infinitely. He had the Irishman's penchant for underhanded tactics regarding ethics. If he could dig up dirt on an enemy and found a flaw, the information would likely come to light at the most inconvenient times. He demanded complete loyalty from those who worked for him. If someone didn’t instinctively know how to work wisely for his interests while pretending to serve the broader interests of the organization, they were soon let go for one reason or another. Smart department heads, unsure of their own standing and sensing the direction of things, quickly fell in line with his agenda. Those he favored and who followed his lead thrived. Those he didn’t like struggled in their roles, constantly explaining or complaining to Colfax, who was oblivious to White's cunning and thus thought they were incompetent.
Colfax, when he first heard of Eugene, was still cherishing his dream of a literary and artistic primate who should rank in power with White. He had not found him as yet, for all the men he sincerely admired and thought fitted for the position were in business for themselves. He had sounded one man after another, but to no satisfactory end. Then it became necessary to fill the position of advertising manager with someone who would make a conspicuous success of it, and he began to sound various authorities. Naturally he looked at the different advertising men working for various publications, and quickly came [Pg 454] to the name of Eugene Witla. The latter was rumored to be making a shining success of his work. He was well liked where he was. Two different business men told Colfax that they had met him and that he was exceptionally clever. A third told him of his record with Summerfield, and through a fourth man who knew Eugene, and who was having him to lunch at the Hardware Club a few weeks later, Colfax had a chance to meet him without appearing to be interested in him in any way.
Colfax, when he first heard about Eugene, was still holding onto his dream of finding a literary and artistic leader who would match White in influence. He hadn’t found anyone yet because all the men he truly respected and believed were right for the role were running their own businesses. He had approached one person after another, but none had worked out. Then he realized he needed to fill the advertising manager position with someone who would excel at it, so he began to reach out to various experts. Naturally, he considered the different advertising professionals working for various publications, and it didn't take long before he came across the name Eugene Witla. There were rumors that he was doing exceptionally well in his role. People liked him wherever he worked. Two different businesspeople told Colfax they had met him and found him to be very talented. A third spoke about his achievements with Summerfield, and through a fourth person who knew Eugene and was planning to have him for lunch at the Hardware Club a few weeks later, Colfax had the opportunity to meet him without making it seem like he was particularly interested.
Not knowing who Colfax was, or rather very little, other than that he was president of this great rival publishing concern, Eugene was perfectly free and easy in his manner. He was never affected at any time, decidedly eager to learn things from anybody and supremely good natured.
Not knowing much about Colfax, other than that he was the president of a major competing publishing company, Eugene was completely relaxed and casual in his demeanor. He was never pretentious and was always eager to learn from anyone, with a genuinely friendly attitude.
"So you're Swinton, Scudder and Davis, are you?" he said to Colfax on introduction. "That trinity must have shrunk some to get condensed into you, but I suppose the power is all there."
"So you're Swinton, Scudder, and Davis, huh?" he said to Colfax during the introduction. "That trio must have gotten smaller to fit into you, but I guess the power is still all there."
"I don't know about that! I don't know about that!" exclaimed Colfax electrically. He was always ready like a greyhound to run another a race. "They tell me Swinton and Scudder were exceptionally big men. If you have as much force as you have length there's nothing the matter with you, though."
"I don't know about that! I don't know about that!" Colfax said excitedly. He was always ready like a greyhound to run another race. "They say Swinton and Scudder were really big guys. If you have as much strength as you have height, then there's nothing wrong with you, though."
"Oh, I'm all right," said Eugene, "when I'm by myself. These little men worry me, though. They are so darned smart."
"Oh, I'm fine," said Eugene, "when I'm alone. But these little guys worry me. They're just too smart."
Colfax cackled ecstatically. He liked Eugene's looks. The latter's manner, easy and not in any way nervous or irritable but coupled with a heavenly alertness of eye, took his fancy. It was a fit companion for his own terrific energy, and it was not unduly soft or yielding.
Colfax laughed joyfully. He liked how Eugene looked. Eugene's demeanor was relaxed and completely calm, showing no signs of nervousness or irritability, but he had a captivating spark in his eyes that intrigued Colfax. It was the perfect match for his own intense energy, and it wasn't overly soft or compliant.
"So you're the advertising manager of the North American. How'd they ever come to tie you down to that?"
"So you're the advertising manager of the North American. How did they get you stuck with that?"
"They didn't tie me," said Eugene. "I just lay down. But they put a nice fat salary on top of me to keep me there. I wouldn't lie down for anything except a salary."
"They didn't tie me up," said Eugene. "I just lay down. But they put a nice fat paycheck on top of me to keep me there. I wouldn't lie down for anything except money."
He grinned smartly.
He grinned slyly.
Colfax cackled.
Colfax laughed.
"Well, my boy, it doesn't seem to be hurting your ribs, does it? They've not caved in yet. Ha! Ha!—Ha! Ha! They've not, have they? Ha! Ha!"
"Well, my boy, it doesn't seem to be hurting your ribs, does it? They haven't caved in yet. Ha! Ha!—Ha! Ha! They haven't, have they? Ha! Ha!"
Eugene studied this little man with great interest. He was taken by his sharp, fierce, examining eye. He was so different from Kalvin, who was about his size, but so much more quiet, peaceful, dignified. Colfax was electric, noisy, insistent, like a [Pg 455] pert jack-in-the-box; he seemed to be nothing but energy. Eugene thought of him as having an electric body coated over with some thin veneer of skin. He seemed as direct as a flash of lightning.
Eugene watched the little man with intense curiosity. He was struck by his sharp, fierce, scrutinizing gaze. He was so different from Kalvin, who was about the same size but much quieter, calmer, and more dignified. Colfax was electric, loud, and demanding, like a pert jack-in-the-box; he seemed to be pure energy. Eugene imagined him as having an electric body wrapped in a thin layer of skin. He felt as direct as a bolt of lightning.
"Doing pretty good over there, are you?" he asked. "I've heard a little something about you from time to time. Not much. Not much. Just a little. Not unfavorable, though. Not unfavorable."
"Doing pretty well over there, huh?" he asked. "I've heard a few things about you now and then. Not a lot. Just a bit. Nothing bad, though. Nothing bad."
"I hope not," said Eugene easily. He wondered why Colfax was so interested in him. The latter kept looking him over much as one might examine a prize animal. Their eyes would meet and Colfax's would gleam with a savage but friendly fire.
"I hope not," Eugene replied casually. He was curious about why Colfax was so focused on him. Colfax kept studying him the way someone might inspect a prized animal. Their eyes would lock, and Colfax's would sparkle with a fierce yet friendly intensity.
"Well?" said Eugene to him finally.
"Well?" Eugene finally said to him.
"I'm just thinking, my boy! I'm just thinking!" he returned, and that was all Eugene could get out of him.
"I'm just thinking, kid! I'm just thinking!" he replied, and that was all Eugene could get from him.
It was not long after this very peculiar meeting which stuck in Eugene's memory that Colfax invited him over to his house in New York to dinner. "I wish," he wrote one day not long after this meeting, "that the next time you are in New York you would let me know. I would like to have you come to my house to dine. You and I ought to be pretty good friends. There are a number of things I would like to talk to you about."
It wasn't long after that strange meeting that stuck in Eugene's mind when Colfax invited him over for dinner at his house in New York. "I wish," he wrote one day shortly after the meeting, "that the next time you're in New York, you would let me know. I'd love for you to come to my house for dinner. You and I should be good friends. There are several things I'd like to discuss with you."
This was written on the paper of the United Magazines Corporation, which had just been organized to take over the old company of Swinton, Scudder and Davis, and was labeled "The Office of the President."
This was written on the letterhead of the United Magazines Corporation, which had just been formed to take over the old company of Swinton, Scudder and Davis, and was labeled "The Office of the President."
Eugene thought this was significant. Could Colfax be going to make him an offer of some kind? Well, the more the merrier! He was doing very well indeed, and liked Mr. Kalvin very much, in fact, all his surroundings, but, as an offer was a testimonial to merit and could be shown as such, he would not be opposed to receiving it. It might strengthen him with Kalvin if it did nothing else. He made an occasion to go over, first talking the letter over with Angela, who was simply curious about the whole thing. He told her how much interested Colfax appeared to be the first time they met and that he fancied it might mean an offer from the United Magazines Corporation at some time or other.
Eugene thought this was important. Could Colfax be planning to make him some kind of offer? Well, the more the merrier! He was doing really well and liked Mr. Kalvin a lot, in fact, he enjoyed everything around him, but since an offer was a recognition of his value and could be presented as such, he wouldn’t mind getting it. It might help him gain favor with Kalvin, even if it did nothing else. He decided to go over, first discussing the letter with Angela, who was just curious about the whole thing. He told her how interested Colfax seemed the first time they met and that he suspected it might mean an offer from the United Magazines Corporation at some point.
"I'm not particularly anxious about it," said Eugene, "but I'd like to see what is there."
"I'm not really worried about it," said Eugene, "but I'd like to check out what's there."
Angela was not sure that it was wise to bother with it. "It's a big firm," she said, "but it isn't bigger than Mr. Kalvin's, and he's been mighty nice to you. You'd better not do anything to injure yourself with him."
Angela wasn't sure it was smart to deal with it. "It's a big company," she said, "but it's not bigger than Mr. Kalvin's, and he's been really good to you. You should be careful not to hurt your relationship with him."
[Pg 456] Eugene thought of this. It was sound advice. Still he wanted to hear.
[Pg 456] Eugene thought about this. It was good advice. Still, he wanted to listen.
"I won't do anything," he said. "I would like to hear what he has to say, though."
"I won't do anything," he said. "But I would like to hear what he has to say, though."
A little later he wrote that he was coming on the twentieth and that he would be glad to take dinner with Colfax.
A little later he wrote that he was coming on the twentieth and that he would be happy to have dinner with Colfax.
The first meeting between Eugene and Colfax had been conclusive so far as future friendship was concerned. These two, like Eugene and Summerfield, were temperamentally in accord, though Colfax was very much superior to Summerfield in his ability to command men.
The first meeting between Eugene and Colfax had clearly established the potential for future friendship. These two, like Eugene and Summerfield, were naturally compatible, although Colfax was far more skilled than Summerfield at leading people.
This night when they met at dinner at Colfax's house the latter was most cordial. Colfax had invited him to come to his office, and together they went uptown in his automobile. His residence was in upper Fifth Avenue, a new, white marble fronted building with great iron gates at the door and a splendid entry set with small palms and dwarf cedars. Eugene saw at once that this man was living in that intense atmosphere of commercial and financial rivalry which makes living in New York so keen. You could feel the air of hard, cold order about the place, the insistence on perfection of appointment, the compulsion toward material display which was held in check only by that sense of fitness, which knowledge of current taste and the mode in everything demanded. His automobile was very large and very new, the latest model, a great dark blue affair which ran as silently as a sewing machine. The footman who opened the door was six feet tall, dressed in knee breeches and a swallow-tailed coat. The valet was a Japanese, silent, polite, attentive. Eugene was introduced to Mrs. Colfax, a most graceful but somewhat self-conscious woman. A French maid later presented two children, a boy and a girl.
This evening when they met for dinner at Colfax's house, he was very welcoming. Colfax had invited him to his office, and together they drove uptown in his car. His home was on upper Fifth Avenue, a new building with a white marble front, great iron gates at the entrance, and a stunning lobby filled with small palms and dwarf cedars. Eugene immediately noticed that this man was living in the intense atmosphere of commercial and financial competition that makes life in New York so intense. You could feel the air of cold order surrounding the place, the insistence on perfection in everything, and the push for material display, all held in check only by a sense of what was appropriate, guided by an understanding of current trends and styles. His car was very large and brand new, the latest model, a big dark blue vehicle that ran as quietly as a sewing machine. The footman who opened the door was six feet tall, dressed in knee breeches and a tailcoat. The valet was a Japanese man, quiet, polite, and attentive. Eugene was introduced to Mrs. Colfax, a graceful but somewhat self-conscious woman. A French maid later brought in two children, a boy and a girl.
Eugene by now had become used to luxury in various forms, and this house was not superior to many he had seen; but it ranked with the best. Colfax was most free in it. He threw his overcoat to the valet carelessly and tossed his babies in the air by turn, when they were presented to him by the French maid. His wife, slightly taller than himself, received a resounding smack.
Eugene had now gotten used to luxury in different forms, and this house wasn’t better than many he had seen; but it was definitely among the best. Colfax was very relaxed there. He casually tossed his overcoat to the valet and playfully threw the kids into the air one by one when the French maid brought them to him. His wife, who was a little taller than him, got a loud kiss.
"There, Ceta," he exclaimed (a diminutive for Cecile, as Eugene subsequently learned), "how do you like that, eh? Meet Mr. Witla. He's an artist and an art director and an advertising manager and——"
"There, Ceta," he exclaimed (a short form for Cecile, as Eugene found out later), "what do you think of that, huh? Meet Mr. Witla. He's an artist, an art director, and an advertising manager and——"
"A most humble person," put in Eugene smilingly. "Not half as bad as you may think. His report is greatly exaggerated."
"A very humble person," Eugene added with a smile. "He's not as bad as you might think. His reputation is really blown out of proportion."
[Pg 457] Mrs. Colfax smiled sweetly. "I discount much that he says at once," she returned. "More later. Won't you come up into the library?"
[Pg 457] Mrs. Colfax smiled warmly. "I don't take everything he says seriously right away," she replied. "I'll share more later. Would you like to come up to the library?"
They ascended together, jesting. Eugene was pleased with what he saw. Mrs. Colfax liked him. She excused herself after a little while and Colfax talked life in general. "I'm going to show you my house now, and after dinner I'm going to talk a little business to you. You interest me. I may as well tell you that."
They climbed up together, joking around. Eugene liked what he saw. Mrs. Colfax was fond of him. She stepped away after a bit, and Colfax chatted about life in general. "I'm going to show you my house now, and after dinner, I want to discuss a bit of business with you. You really interest me. I might as well be honest about that."
"Well, you interest me, Colfax," said Eugene genially, "I like you."
"Well, you intrigue me, Colfax," Eugene said warmly, "I like you."
"You don't like me any more than I like you, that's a sure thing," replied the other.
"You don't like me any more than I like you, that’s for sure," the other person responded.
CHAPTER XXXIX
The results of this evening were most pleasant, but in some ways disconcerting. It became perfectly plain that Colfax was anxious to have Eugene desert the Kalvin Company and come over to him.
The results of this evening were really nice, but in some ways unsettling. It became very clear that Colfax was eager for Eugene to leave the Kalvin Company and join him.
"You people over there," he said to him at one stage of the conversation, "have an excellent company, but it doesn't compare with this organization which we are revising. Why, what are your two publications to our seven? You have one eminently successful one—the one you're on—and no book business whatsoever! We have seven publications all doing excellently well, and a book business that is second to none in the country. You know that. If it hadn't been that the business had been horribly mismanaged it would never have come into my hands at all. Why, Witla, I want to tell you one little fact in connection with that organization which will illustrate everything else which might be said in connection with it before I came here! They were wasting twenty thousand dollars a year on ink alone. We were publishing a hundred absolutely useless books that did not sell enough to pay for the cost of printing, let alone the paper, plates, typework and cost of distribution. I think it's safe to say we lost over a hundred thousand dollars a year that way. The magazines were running down. They haven't waked up sufficiently yet to suit me. But I'm looking for men. I'm really looking for one man eventually who will take charge of all that editorial and art work and make it into something exceptional. He wants to be a man who can handle men. If I can get the right man I will even include the advertising department, for that really belongs with the literary and art sections. It depends on the man."
"You people over there," he said at one point in the conversation, "have a great company, but it doesn't compare to this organization we're restructuring. Seriously, what are your two publications compared to our seven? You have one really successful one—the one you're currently working on—and no book business at all! We have seven publications all performing really well, and a book business that's the best in the country. You know that. If the business hadn't been horribly mismanaged, it would never have ended up in my hands. Let me share one fact about that organization to illustrate everything else that could be said about it before I got here! They were wasting twenty thousand dollars a year just on ink. We were publishing a hundred completely useless books that didn't sell enough to cover the printing costs, not to mention the paper, plates, typesetting, and distribution expenses. I think it's safe to say we were losing over a hundred thousand dollars a year that way. The magazines were declining. They still haven't picked up enough to meet my standards. But I'm looking for people. I'm really searching for one person, in particular, who can take charge of all that editorial and art work and turn it into something exceptional. They need to be someone who can manage people well. If I can find the right person, I'll also include the advertising department because that really should be aligned with the literary and art sections. It all depends on the person."
He looked significantly at Eugene, who sat there stroking his upper lip with his hand.
He looked meaningfully at Eugene, who was sitting there rubbing his upper lip with his hand.
"Well," he said thoughtfully, "that ought to make a very nice place for someone. Who have you in mind?"
"Well," he said thoughtfully, "that should be a really nice spot for someone. Who are you thinking about?"
"No one as yet that I'm absolutely sure of. I have one man in mind who I think might come to fill the position after he had had a look about the organization and a chance to study its needs a little. It's a hard position to hold. It requires a man with imagination, tact, judgment. He would have to be a sort of vice-Colfax, for I can't give my attention permanently to that [Pg 459] business. I don't want to. I have bigger fish to fry. But I want someone who will eventually be my other self in these departments, who can get along with Florence White and the men under him and hold his own in his own world. I want a sort of bi-partisan commission down there—each man supreme in his own realm."
"No one that I'm completely sure of yet. I have one guy in mind who I think might fit the role after he takes a look at the organization and spends some time understanding its needs. It's a tough job to manage. It requires someone with creativity, diplomacy, and good judgment. He would need to be a kind of second-in-command, because I can't devote my full attention to that [Pg 459] work. I don't want to. I have bigger priorities. But I want someone who will eventually be my counterpart in these departments, someone who can get along with Florence White and the team beneath him while also being respected in his own right. I’m looking for a kind of bipartisan setup down there—each person excelling in their own area."
"It sounds interesting," said Eugene thoughtfully. "Who's your man?"
"It sounds interesting," Eugene said, thinking it over. "Who's your guy?"
"As I say, he isn't quite ready yet, in my judgment, but he is near it, and he's the right man! He's in this room now. You're the man I'm thinking about, Witla."
"As I said, he’s not quite ready yet, in my opinion, but he’s close, and he’s the right person! He’s in this room right now. You’re the one I’m thinking about, Witla."
"No," said Eugene quietly.
"No," Eugene said softly.
"Yes; you," replied Colfax.
"Yep; you," replied Colfax.
"You flatter me," he said, with a deprecatory wave of his hand. "I'm not so sure that he is."
"You’re flattering me," he said, waving his hand dismissively. "I’m not so sure he is."
"Oh, yes, he is, if he thinks he is!" replied Colfax emphatically. "Opportunity doesn't knock in vain at a real man's door. At least, I don't believe it will knock here and not be admitted. Why the advertising department of this business alone is worth eighteen thousand dollars a year to begin with."
"Oh, yes, he is, if he thinks he is!" Colfax replied emphatically. "Opportunity doesn't knock in vain at a real man's door. At least, I don't believe it will knock here and not be admitted. The advertising department of this business alone is worth eighteen thousand dollars a year to start with."
Eugene sat up. He was getting twelve. Could he afford to ignore that offer? Could the Kalvin Company afford to pay him that much? They were paying him pretty well as it was. Could the Kalvin Company offer him the prospects which this company was offering him?
Eugene sat up. He was getting twelve. Could he really turn down that offer? Could the Kalvin Company afford to pay him that much? They were already paying him quite well. Could the Kalvin Company provide him with the opportunities that this company was presenting?
"What is more, I might say," went on Colfax, "the general publishing control of this organization—the position of managing publisher, which I am going to create and which when you are fitted for it you can have, will be worth twenty-five thousand dollars a year, and that oughtn't to be so very far away, either."
"What’s more, I should add," Colfax continued, "the overall publishing control of this organization—the position of managing publisher, which I’m about to create and which you can have when you're ready for it—will be worth twenty-five thousand dollars a year, and that shouldn’t be too far off, either."
Eugene turned that over in his mind without saying anything. This offer coming so emphatically and definitely at this time actually made him nervous and fearsome. It was such a tremendous thing to talk about—the literary, art and advertising control of the United Magazines Corporation. Who was this man White? What was he like? Would he be able to agree with him? This man beside him was so hard, so brilliant, so dynamic! He would expect so much.
Eugene thought about it without saying a word. This offer coming in such a strong and clear way at this moment made him feel anxious and uneasy. It was such a huge topic to discuss—the control of literature, art, and advertising for the United Magazines Corporation. Who was this guy White? What was he like? Would they be able to see eye to eye? The guy next to him was so tough, so smart, so energetic! He would expect a lot.
And then his work with Townsend Miller and under Mr. Kalvin. How much he had learned of the editorial game by merely talking and planning with those two men! He had got the whole idea of timely topics, of big progressive, national forecasts and features, of odd departments and interesting pieces [Pg 460] of fiction and personality studies, from talking with Miller alone. Kalvin had made clear to him what constituted great craftsmen. Of course, long before, he had suspected just how it was, but in Philadelphia he had sat in conference with Miller and Kalvin, and knew. He had practically managed the former's little art department for him without paying much attention to it either. Couldn't he really handle this greater thing if he tried? If he didn't, someone else would. Would the man who would, be so much greater than himself?
And then there was his work with Townsend Miller and Mr. Kalvin. He learned so much about the editorial world just by discussing and brainstorming with those two! He got the whole concept of timely topics, important progressive national forecasts and features, and unique departments and interesting articles of fiction and personality studies from his conversations with Miller alone. Kalvin had shown him what made a great craftsman. Of course, he had suspected it for a long time, but in Philadelphia, he had sat down with Miller and Kalvin and really understood. He had basically run Miller's small art department for him without paying much attention to it at all. Couldn’t he really take on this bigger challenge if he wanted to? If he didn’t, someone else would. Would that person really be so much better than him?
"I'm not anxious that you should act hastily," said Colfax soothingly, after a little bit, for he saw that Eugene was debating the question solemnly and that it was a severe problem for him. "I know how you feel. You have gone into the Kalvin Company and you've made good. They've been nice to you. It's only natural that they should be. You hate to leave. Well, think it over. I won't tempt you beyond your best judgment. Think it over. There's a splendid chance here. Just the same, I like you, and I think you are the man to get away with it. Come down to my place tomorrow and let me show you what we have. I want to show our resources. I don't think you know how big this thing really is."
"I'm not worried that you'll rush into a decision," Colfax said calmly after a moment, noticing that Eugene was seriously considering the issue and that it weighed heavily on him. "I understand how you're feeling. You've joined the Kalvin Company and you've done well there. They've treated you well, and that's to be expected. It's tough to think about leaving. So, take your time with it. I won't pressure you beyond what you feel is right. Just give it some thought. There's an amazing opportunity here. Still, I like you, and I believe you're the right person to handle it. Come by my place tomorrow, and let me show you what we have. I want you to see our resources. I don't think you realize how big this really is."
"Yes, I do," replied Eugene, smiling. "It certainly is a fascinating proposition. But I can't make up my mind about it now. It's something I want to think about. I'd like to take my time, and I'll let you know."
"Yeah, I do," replied Eugene, smiling. "It's definitely an interesting idea. But I can't decide right now. I want to think it over. I'd like to take my time, and I'll let you know."
"Take all the time you want, my boy! Take all the time you want!" exclaimed Colfax. "I'll wait for you a little while. I'm in no life-or-death hurry. This position can't be filled satisfactorily in a minute. When you're ready, let me know what you decide. And now let's go to the theatre—what do you say?"
"Take all the time you need, my boy! Take all the time you need!" Colfax exclaimed. "I'll wait for you a little while. I'm in no rush. This position can’t be filled properly in a minute. When you’re ready, let me know what you decide. And now, how about we head to the theater—what do you think?"
The automobile was called, Mrs. Colfax and her guest, Miss Genier, appeared. There was an interesting evening in a box, with Eugene talking gaily and entertainingly to all, and then an after-theatre bite at Sherry's. The next morning, for he stayed all night at Colfax's, they visited the United Magazines Corporation building together, and at noon Eugene returned to Philadelphia.
The car arrived, and Mrs. Colfax and her guest, Miss Genier, came out. They had a fun evening in a box, with Eugene chatting happily and entertaining everyone, followed by a late-night snack at Sherry's. The next morning, since he stayed overnight at the Colfaxes', they visited the United Magazines Corporation building together, and by noon, Eugene headed back to Philadelphia.
His head was fairly seething and ringing with all he had seen and heard. Colfax was a great man, he thought, greater in some respects than Kalvin. He was more forceful, more enthusiastic, younger—more like himself, than Kalvin. He could never fail, he was too rich. He would make a success of this great corporation—a tremendous success—and if he went he [Pg 461] might help make it with him. What a thing that would be! Very different from working for a corporation with whose success he had never had anything to do. Should he ignore this offer? New York, a true art and literary standing; a great executive and social standing; fame; money—all these were calling. Why, on eighteen or twenty-five thousand he could have a splendid studio apartment of his own, say on Riverside Drive; he could entertain magnificently; he could keep an automobile without worrying about it. Angela would cease feeling that they had to be careful. It would be the apex of lieutenantship for him. Beyond that he would take stock in the company, or a business of his own. What a long distance he had come from the days when, here as a boy, he had walked the streets, wondering where he would find a $3 room, and when as an art failure he carried his paintings about and sold them for ten and fifteen dollars. Dear Heaven, what peculiar tricks fortune could play!
His head was buzzing and ringing with everything he had seen and heard. Colfax was an impressive guy, he thought, even greater in some ways than Kalvin. He was more assertive, more passionate, younger—more like him than Kalvin. He could never fail; he had too much money. He would turn this big corporation into a huge success—and if he joined him, he might contribute to that success. How amazing would that be! It was so different from working for a company whose success he had never been a part of. Should he turn down this offer? New York, with its true art and literary scene; a prominent executive and social presence; fame; money—all of it was enticing. With eighteen or twenty-five thousand, he could have a fantastic studio apartment on Riverside Drive; he could host lavish gatherings; he could own a car without any stress. Angela would finally stop feeling like they had to be cautious. It would be the peak of his career. After that, he could buy shares in the company or start his own business. What a long way he had come from the days when he was a boy walking these streets, wondering where he would find a $3 room, and when, as a failed artist, he carried his paintings around, selling them for ten or fifteen dollars. Good heavens, what strange things fate could play!
The discussion with Angela of this proposition led to some additional uncertainty, for although she was greatly impressed with what Colfax offered, she was afraid Eugene might be making a mistake in leaving Kalvin. The latter had been so nice to Eugene. He had never associated with him in any intimate way, but he and Angela had been invited to his home on several formal occasions, and Eugene had reported that Kalvin was constantly giving him good advice. His attitude in the office was not critical but analytic and considerate.
The conversation with Angela about this proposal brought up more uncertainty, because while she was really impressed with what Colfax was offering, she worried that Eugene might be making a mistake by leaving Kalvin. Kalvin had been so kind to Eugene. They had never been close, but he and Angela had been invited to his home several times for formal events, and Eugene said that Kalvin was always giving him great advice. His attitude at work was not critical, but rather analytical and thoughtful.
"He's been mighty nice to me," Eugene said to her one morning at breakfast; "they all have. It's a shame to leave him. And yet, now that I look at it, I can see very plainly that there is never going to be the field here that there will be with the United Company. They have the publications and the book business, and the Kalvin Company hasn't and won't have. Kalvin is too old. They're in New York, too; that's one thing I like about it. I'd like to live in New York again. Wouldn't you?"
"He's been really nice to me," Eugene said to her one morning at breakfast; "they all have. It’s a shame to leave him. But now that I think about it, I can see clearly that there’s never going to be the same opportunities here as there will be with the United Company. They have the publications and the book business, while the Kalvin Company doesn’t and won’t. Kalvin is too old. Plus, they’re in New York, which is something I like about it. I’d love to live in New York again. Wouldn't you?"
"It would be fine," said Angela, who had never really cared for Philadelphia and who saw visions of tremendous superiority in this situation. Philadelphia had always seemed a little out of the way of things after New York and Paris. Only Eugene's good salary and the comforts they had experienced here had made it tolerable. "Why don't you speak to Mr. Kalvin and tell him just what Mr. Colfax says," she asked. "It may be that he'll offer to raise your salary so much that you'll want to stay when he hears of this."
"It would be fine," said Angela, who had never really liked Philadelphia and who saw herself as way better off in this situation. Philadelphia always felt a bit off the beaten path compared to New York and Paris. Only Eugene's decent salary and the comforts they had enjoyed here made it bearable. "Why don't you talk to Mr. Kalvin and tell him exactly what Mr. Colfax said?" she asked. "He might offer to raise your salary so much that you'd want to stay once he hears about this."
[Pg 462] "No danger," replied Eugene. "He may raise it a bit, but he never can pay me twenty-five thousand dollars a year. There isn't any reason for paying it. It takes a corporation like the United to do it. There isn't a man in our place gets that, unless it is Fredericks. Besides, I could never be anything more here, or much more, than advertising manager. Miller has that editorial job sewed up. He ought to have it, too, he's a good man. This thing that Colfax offers lets me out into a new field. I don't want to be an advertising manager all my days if I can help it!"
[Pg 462] "No risk," Eugene replied. "He might raise it a little, but he can never pay me twenty-five thousand dollars a year. There's no reason to pay that. It takes a company like United to do it. There’s not a single person here who gets that, except maybe Fredericks. Besides, I could never be anything more than the advertising manager here, or not much more. Miller has that editorial position locked down. He deserves it too; he’s a solid guy. This opportunity Colfax is offering lets me explore a new field. I don’t want to be an advertising manager for the rest of my life if I can avoid it!"
"I don't want you to be, either, Eugene," sighed Angela. "It's a shame you can't quit entirely and take up your art work. I've always thought that if you were to stop now and go to painting you would make a success of it. There's nothing the matter with your nerves now. It's just a question of whether we want to live more simply for a while and let you work at that. I'm sure you'd make a big success of it."
"I don't want you to be, either, Eugene," Angela sighed. "It's a shame you can't quit completely and focus on your artwork. I've always believed that if you stopped now and pursued painting, you would be successful. Your nerves are fine now. It's just a matter of whether we want to live more simply for a while to let you work on that. I'm sure you'd do really well with it."
"Art doesn't appeal to me so much as it did once," replied Eugene. "I've lived too well and I know a lot more about living than I once did. Where could I make twelve thousand a year painting? If I had a hundred thousand or a couple of hundred thousand laid aside, it would be a different thing, but I haven't. All we have is that Pennsylvania Railroad stock and those lots in Montclair eating their merry little heads off in taxes, and that Steel common stock. If we go back to New York we ought to build on that Montclair property, and rent it if we don't want to live in it. If I quit now we wouldn't have more than two thousand dollars a year outside of what I could earn, and what sort of a life can you live on that?"
"Art doesn't interest me as much as it used to," Eugene said. "I've had a comfortable life, and I understand a lot more about living than I did before. Where could I make twelve thousand a year from painting? If I had a hundred thousand or even a couple of hundred thousand saved up, it would be a different story, but I don’t. All we have is that Pennsylvania Railroad stock and those lots in Montclair that are just costing us money in taxes, along with that Steel common stock. If we go back to New York, we should build on that Montclair property and rent it out if we don't want to live there. If I quit now, we wouldn’t have more than two thousand dollars a year outside of what I could make, and what kind of life can you have on that?"
Angela saw, disappearing under those circumstances, the rather pleasant world of entertainment in which they were disporting themselves. Art distinction might be delightful, but would it furnish such a table as they were sitting at this morning? Would they have as nice a home and as many friends? Art was glorious, but would they have as many rides and auto trips as they had now? Would she be able to dress as nicely? It took money to produce a variety of clothing—house, street, evening, morning and other wear. Hats at thirty-five and forty dollars were not in the range of artists' wives, as a rule. Did she want to go back to a simpler life for his art's sake? Wouldn't it be better to have him go with Mr. Colfax and make $25,000 a year for a while and then have him retire?
Angela saw the pleasant world of entertainment they were enjoying disappearing around her. Artistic distinction could be wonderful, but would it provide the kind of table they were sitting at this morning? Would they have such a nice home and so many friends? Art was amazing, but would they have as many trips and drives as they did now? Would she be able to dress as well? It took money to have a variety of clothes—casual, formal, and everything in between. Hats costing thirty-five to forty dollars were generally out of reach for artists' wives. Did she want to return to a simpler life for the sake of his art? Wouldn't it be better for him to join Mr. Colfax and earn $25,000 a year for a while and then retire?
"You'd better talk to Mr. Kalvin," she counseled. "You'll [Pg 463] have to do that, anyhow. See what he says. After that you can decide what you must do."
"You should talk to Mr. Kalvin," she advised. "You’ll have to do that anyway. See what he thinks. After that, you can figure out what you need to do."
Eugene hesitated, but after thinking it all over he decided that he would.
Eugene hesitated, but after considering everything, he decided that he would.
One morning not long after, when he met Mr. Kalvin in the main hall on the editorial floor, he said, "I'd like to talk to you for a few moments some time today alone, Mr. Kalvin, if you can spare me the time."
One morning not long after, when he ran into Mr. Kalvin in the main hall on the editorial floor, he said, "I'd like to have a few moments to talk with you today alone, Mr. Kalvin, if you have the time."
"Certainly. I'm not busy now," returned the president. "Come right down. What is it you want to see me about?"
"Of course. I’m not busy right now," replied the president. "Come on down. What do you want to talk to me about?"
"Well, I'll tell you," said Eugene, when they had reached the former's office and he had closed the door. "I've had an offer that I feel that I ought to talk to you about. It's a pretty fascinating proposition and it's troubling me. I owe it to you as well as to myself to speak about it."
"Well, let me tell you," said Eugene, once they got to his office and he shut the door. "I received an offer that I think I should discuss with you. It's quite an intriguing proposal, and it's been on my mind. I owe it to both you and myself to talk about it."
"Yes; what is it?" said Kalvin considerately.
"Yeah, what's up?" Kalvin said thoughtfully.
"Mr. Colfax of the United Magazines Corporation came to me not long ago and wanted to know if I would not come with him. He offers me eighteen thousand dollars a year as advertising manager to begin with, and a chance to take charge of all the art and editorial ends as well a little later at twenty-five thousand dollars. He calls it the managing-publishing end of the business. I've been thinking of it seriously, for I've handled the art and advertising ends here and at the Summerfield Company, and I have always imagined that I knew something of the book and magazine business. I know it's a rather large proposition, but I'm not at all sure that I couldn't handle it.".
"Mr. Colfax from the United Magazines Corporation approached me recently and asked if I would consider joining him. He’s offering me $18,000 a year to start as the advertising manager, and later on, there’s a chance to oversee all the art and editorial aspects for $25,000. He refers to it as the managing-publishing side of the business. I’ve been giving it serious thought because I've managed the art and advertising departments both here and at the Summerfield Company, and I've always thought I had a good grasp of the book and magazine industry. I realize it’s a pretty big opportunity, but I’m not entirely convinced that I can’t handle it."
Mr. Kalvin listened quietly. He saw what Colfax's scheme was and liked it as a proposition. It was a good idea, but needed an exceptional man for the position. Was Eugene the man? He wasn't sure of that, and yet perchance he might be. Colfax, he thought, was a man of excellent financial if not publishing judgment. He might, if he could get the proper person, make an excellent success of his business. Eugene interested him, perhaps more at first flash than he would later. This man before him had a most promising appearance. He was clean, quick, with an alert mind and eye. He could see how, because of Eugene's success here, Colfax was thinking of him being even more exceptional than he was. He was a good man, a fine man, under direction. Would Colfax have the patience, the interest, the sympathy, to work with and understand him?
Mr. Kalvin listened quietly. He recognized what Colfax's plan was and liked it as a proposal. It was a good idea, but it needed an exceptional person for the role. Was Eugene that person? He wasn't sure, but maybe he could be. Kalvin thought Colfax had great financial judgment, even if he wasn't as strong in publishing. If he could find the right person, he might make his business a great success. Eugene caught his interest, perhaps more at first glance than he would later. This guy in front of him had a really promising look. He was clean, quick, and had an alert mind and eye. Kalvin could see how, because of Eugene's success here, Colfax was viewing him as even more exceptional than he actually was. He was a good man, a great man, with the right guidance. Would Colfax have the patience, interest, and empathy to work with and understand him?
"Now, let's think about that a little, Witla," he said quietly. "It's a flattering offer. You'd be foolish if you didn't give it [Pg 464] careful consideration. Do you know anything about the organization of that place over there?"
"Now, let's think about that for a moment, Witla," he said softly. "It's a tempting offer. You'd be crazy not to give it [Pg 464] serious thought. Do you know anything about how that place is run?"
"No," replied Eugene, "nothing except what I learned by casually going over it with Mr. Colfax."
"No," Eugene replied, "nothing other than what I picked up by casually going over it with Mr. Colfax."
"Do you know much about Colfax as a man?"
"Do you know a lot about Colfax as a person?"
"Very little. I've only met him twice. He's forceful, dramatic, a man with lots of ideas. I understand he's very rich, three or four millions, someone told me."
"Not much. I've only met him twice. He's intense, theatrical, a guy with a lot of ideas. I heard he's really rich, around three or four million, someone told me."
Kalvin's hand moved indifferently. "Do you like him?"
Kalvin's hand moved absentmindedly. "Do you like him?"
"Well, I can't say yet absolutely whether I do or don't. He interests me a lot. He's wonderfully dynamic. I'm sure I'm favorably impressed with him."
"Well, I can't say for sure yet whether I do or don't. He really interests me. He's incredibly dynamic. I'm definitely impressed with him."
"And he wants to give you charge eventually of all the magazines and books, the publishing end?"
"And he wants to eventually put you in charge of all the magazines and books, the publishing side?"
"So he says," said Eugene.
"So he says," Eugene said.
"I'd go a little slow if I were saddling myself with that responsibility. I'd want to be sure that I knew all about it. You want to remember, Witla, that running one department under the direction and with the sympathetic assistance and consideration of someone over you is very different from running four or five departments on your own responsibility and with no one over you except someone who wants intelligent guidance from you. Colfax, as I understand him, isn't a publisher, either by tendency or training or education. He's a financier. He'll want you, if you take that position, to tell him how it shall be done. Now, unless you know a great deal about the publishing business, you have a difficult task in that. I don't want to appear to be throwing cold water on your natural ambition to get up in the world. You're entitled to go higher if you can. No one in your circle of acquaintances would wish you more luck than I will if you decide to go. I want you to think carefully of what you are doing. Where you are here you are perfectly safe, or as nearly safe as any man is who behaves himself and maintains his natural force and energy can be. It's only natural that you should expect more money in the face of this offer, and I shall be perfectly willing to give it to you. I intended, as you possibly expected, to do somewhat better for you by January. I'll say now that if you want to stay here you can have fourteen thousand now and possibly sixteen thousand in a year or a year and a half from now. I don't want to overload this department with what I consider an undue salary. I think sixteen thousand dollars, when it is paid, will be high for the work that is done here, but you're a good man and I'm perfectly willing to pay it to you.
"I'd take it easy if I were taking on that responsibility. I’d want to make sure I understood everything about it. You need to remember, Witla, that managing one department with the guidance and support of someone above you is very different from running four or five departments on your own with no one above you except someone who expects your intelligent input. From what I gather, Colfax isn't a publisher by nature, training, or education. He's a financier. If you take that job, he’ll expect you to tell him how things should be done. Now, unless you know a great deal about the publishing business, that’s going to be a tough challenge. I don't want to come off as discouraging your ambition to move up in the world. You deserve to climb higher if you can. No one in your circle will wish you more luck than I will if you decide to go for it. I just want you to think carefully about your choice. Here, you are pretty secure, or as secure as anyone can be who behaves well and keeps their energy up. It’s only natural that you’d expect a higher salary with this offer, and I’m completely willing to give it to you. I intended, as you might have expected, to do somewhat better for you by January. I’ll say now that if you want to stay here, you can have fourteen thousand now and possibly sixteen thousand in a year or a year and a half from now. I don’t want to burden this department with what I consider an excessive salary. I think sixteen thousand dollars will be high for the work done here when it is paid, but you’re a valuable employee, and I’m totally willing to pay that for you."
[Pg 465] The thing for you to do is to make up your mind whether this proposition which I now make you is safer and more in accord with your desires than the one Mr. Colfax makes you. With him your eighteen thousand begins at once. With me sixteen thousand is a year away, anyhow. With him you have promise of an outlook which is much more glittering than any you can reasonably hope for here, but you want to remember that the difficulties will be, of course, proportionately greater. You know something about me by now. You still—and don't think I want to do him any injustice; I don't—have to learn about Mr. Colfax. Now, I'd advise you to think carefully before you act. Study the situation over there before you accept it. The United Magazines Corporation is a great concern. I have no doubt that under Mr. Colfax's management it has a brilliant future in store for it. He is an able man. If you finally decide to go, come and tell me and there will be no hard feelings one way or the other. If you decide to stay, the new salary arrangement goes into effect at once. As a matter of fact, I might as well have Mr. Fredericks credit that up to you so that you can say that you have drawn that sum here. It won't do you any harm. Then we can run along as before. I know it isn't good business as a rule to try and keep a man who has been poisoned by a bigger offer, and because I know that is the reason why I am only offering you fourteen thousand dollars this year. I want to be sure that you are sure that you want to stay. See?"
[Pg 465] What you need to do is decide whether this offer I’m making is safer and more aligned with what you want than the one Mr. Colfax is presenting. With him, your eighteen thousand starts right away. With me, the sixteen thousand will be a year out, at least. He offers a future that looks much more promising than what you can realistically expect here, but remember that the challenges will also be proportionately greater. You know a bit about me by now, but you still— and don’t think I want to be unfair to him; I don’t—need to learn more about Mr. Colfax. I advise you to think carefully before making a decision. Look into the situation over there before you accept it. The United Magazines Corporation is a major player. I’m sure that under Mr. Colfax’s leadership, it has a bright future ahead. He’s a capable guy. If you ultimately decide to go, just let me know, and there will be no hard feelings either way. If you choose to stay, the new salary arrangement takes effect immediately. In fact, I can have Mr. Fredericks credit that amount to you here so you can say you’ve received that sum. It won’t hurt you. Then we can continue as usual. I know it’s generally not good business to try to keep someone who’s been lured in by a bigger offer, and that’s why I’m only offering you fourteen thousand this year. I want to make sure that you truly want to stay. Got it?
He smiled.
He grinned.
Eugene arose. "I see," he said. "You are one of the best men I have ever known, Mr. Kalvin. You have constantly treated me with more consideration than I ever expected to receive anywhere. It has been a pleasure and a privilege to work for you. If I stay, it will be because I want to because I value your friendship."
Eugene got up. "I get it," he said. "You're one of the best people I've ever known, Mr. Kalvin. You've always treated me with more kindness than I ever thought I'd find anywhere. It's been a pleasure and an honor to work for you. If I stay, it's because I want to, because I value our friendship."
"Well," said Kalvin quietly, "that's very nice, I'm sure, and I appreciate it. But don't let your friendship for me or your sense of gratitude stop you from doing something you think you ought to do. Go ahead if you feel like it. I won't feel the least bit angry with you. I'll feel sorry, but that's neither here nor there. Life is a constant condition of readjustment, and every good business man knows it."
"Well," Kalvin said softly, "that's really nice, and I appreciate it. But don’t let your friendship for me or your sense of gratitude hold you back from doing what you think you should do. Go ahead if you want to. I won’t be the least bit angry with you. I’ll be sorry, but that’s not the point. Life is all about adjusting, and any good business person knows that."
He took Eugene's extended hand.
He took Eugene's hand.
"Good luck," he said, "whatever you do"—his favorite expression.
"Good luck," he said, "with whatever you do"—his favorite saying.
CHAPTER XL
The upshot of Eugene's final speculation was that he accepted the offer of the United Magazines Corporation and left Mr. Kalvin. Colfax had written one day to his house asking him what he thought he would do about it. The more he had turned it over in his mind, the more it had grown in attraction. The Colfax company was erecting a tremendous building, eighteen stories high, in the heart of the middle business district in New York near Union Square, to house all their departments. Colfax had said at the time Eugene took dinner with him that the sixteenth, seventeenth and eighteenth floors would be devoted to the editorial, publication, circulation, art, and advertising departments. He had asked Eugene what he had thought would be a good floor arrangement, and the latter, with his usual facility for scheming such things, had scratched on a piece of paper a tentative layout for the various departments. He had put the editorial and art departments on the topmost floor, giving the publisher, whoever he might eventually prove to be, a commanding position in a central room on the western side of the building which overlooked all the city between the Square and Hudson River, and showed that magnificent body of water as a panorama for the eye to feast upon. He had put the advertising and some overflow editorial rooms on the seventeenth floor, and the circulation with its attendant mailing and cabinet record rooms on the sixteenth. The publisher's and editor's rooms he laid out after an old Flemish scheme he had long had in mind, in which green, dark blue, blood-red and black walnut shades contrasted richly with the flood of light which would be available.
The bottom line of Eugene's final pondering was that he accepted the offer from United Magazines Corporation and left Mr. Kalvin. Colfax had written to him one day, asking what he thought he should do about it. The more he considered it, the more appealing it became. The Colfax company was building an enormous eighteen-story structure in the heart of the business district in New York, near Union Square, to accommodate all their departments. Colfax had mentioned during a dinner with Eugene that the sixteenth, seventeenth, and eighteenth floors would house the editorial, publication, circulation, art, and advertising departments. He had asked Eugene for his thoughts on a good floor layout, and Eugene, with his usual knack for planning such things, sketched a preliminary arrangement for the various departments on a piece of paper. He placed the editorial and art departments on the top floor, giving the publisher, whoever that person might eventually be, an impressive position in a central room on the western side of the building that overlooked the city from the Square to the Hudson River, showcasing the beautiful water as a stunning view. He assigned the advertising and some overflow editorial rooms to the seventeenth floor and the circulation, along with its mailing and cabinet record rooms, to the sixteenth. He designed the publisher's and editor's offices based on an old Flemish style he had long envisioned, where rich contrasts of green, dark blue, blood-red, and black walnut shades would harmonize with the abundant light available.
"You might as well do this thing right if you do it at all," he had said to Colfax. "Nearly all the editorial offices I have ever seen have been the flimsiest makeshifts. A rich-looking editorial, art and advertising department would help your company a great deal. It has advertising value."
"You might as well do this properly if you're going to do it at all," he had said to Colfax. "Most of the editorial offices I've ever seen have been really poorly done. A well-designed editorial, art, and advertising department would benefit your company a lot. It has advertising value."
He recalled as he spoke Summerfield's theory that a look of prosperity was about the most valuable asset a house could have.
He remembered as he spoke Summerfield's theory that a look of prosperity was one of the most valuable assets a house could have.
Colfax agreed with him, and said when the time came that he wished Eugene would do him the favor to come and look the thing over. "I have two good architects on the job," he explained, [Pg 467] "but I would rather trust your ideas as to how those rooms should be laid out."
Colfax agreed and expressed that he hoped Eugene would do him the favor of coming to take a look when the time came. "I have two good architects working on it," he explained, [Pg 467] "but I'd prefer to rely on your ideas for how those rooms should be arranged."
When he was considering this final call for a decision he was thinking how this floor would look—how rich it would be. Eventually, if he succeeded, his office would be the most sumptuous thing in it. He would be the most conspicuous figure in the great, new building, apart from Colfax himself.
When he was reflecting on this final decision, he imagined how impressive this floor would look—how luxurious it would be. Eventually, if he succeeded, his office would be the most extravagant feature in it. He would be the most noticeable figure in the grand new building, aside from Colfax himself.
Thoughts of this kind, which ought to have had but very little share in any commercial speculation, were nevertheless uppermost in Eugene's mind; for he was not a business man—he was primarily an artist, and for all his floundering round in the commercial world he remained an artist still. His sense of his coming dignity and standing before the world was almost greater than his sense of the terrifying responsibility which it involved. Colfax was a hard man, he knew, harder even than Summerfield, for he talked less and acted more; but this did not sink into Eugene's consciousness sufficiently to worry him. He fancied he was a strong man, able to hold his own anywhere.
Thoughts like these, which really shouldn’t have played a significant role in any business venture, were still at the forefront of Eugene's mind; he wasn’t a business person—he was primarily an artist, and despite his struggles in the commercial world, he remained an artist at heart. His awareness of his future dignity and status in the world was almost stronger than his awareness of the daunting responsibility that came with it. He knew Colfax was a tough guy, even tougher than Summerfield, because he talked less and acted more; but that didn’t really register in Eugene’s mind enough to concern him. He believed he was a strong person, capable of standing his ground anywhere.
Angela was really not very much opposed to the change, though her natural conservatism made her worry and hesitate to approve. It was a great step forward if Eugene succeeded, but if he failed it would be such a loss.
Angela wasn't really very much against the change, although her natural tendency to be cautious made her worry and hesitate to go along with it. It would be a significant step forward if Eugene succeeded, but if he failed, it would be such a loss.
"Colfax has so much faith in me," he told her. "He's convinced that I can do it, and faith like that is a great help. I'd like to try it, anyhow. It can't do me any harm. If I think I can't handle the publishing proposition I'll stick to the advertising end."
"Colfax believes in me a lot," he told her. "He's sure I can do it, and that kind of belief really helps. I'd like to give it a shot anyway. It won't hurt me. If I think I can't manage the publishing deal, I'll just stick to the advertising side."
"All right," said Angela, "but I scarcely know what to advise. They've been so nice to you over here."
"Okay," said Angela, "but I hardly know what to suggest. They've been really nice to you here."
"I'll try it," said Eugene determinedly. "Nothing venture, nothing have," and he informed Kalvin the same day.
"I'll give it a shot," said Eugene confidently. "Nothing ventured, nothing gained," and he let Kalvin know the same day.
The latter looked at him solemnly, his keen gray eyes contemplating the situation from all points of view. "Well, Eugene," he said, "you're shouldering a great responsibility. It's difficult. Think carefully of everything that you do. I'm sorry to see you go. Good-bye."
The latter looked at him seriously, his sharp gray eyes considering the situation from every angle. "Well, Eugene," he said, "you're taking on a huge responsibility. It's tough. Think carefully about everything you do. I'm sorry to see you leave. Goodbye."
He had the feeling that Eugene was making a mistake—that he would do better to rest a while where he was; but persuasion was useless. It would only give Eugene the notion that he was more important than he was—make matters more difficult in the future.
He felt like Eugene was making a mistake—that he would be better off resting where he was; but trying to persuade him was pointless. It would only give Eugene the idea that he was more significant than he really was—making things tougher down the line.
Kalvin had heard a number of things concerning Colfax recently, and he fancied that Eugene might find it hard to deal with him later. The general impression was that he was subject [Pg 468] to sudden likes and dislikes which did not bear the test of time. He was said to be scarcely human enough to be the effective head of a great working corporation.
Kalvin had heard several things about Colfax recently, and he thought Eugene might struggle to handle him later. The general feeling was that he had sudden likes and dislikes that didn't last. People said he was hardly human enough to be the effective leader of a major corporation.
The truth was that this general opinion was quite correct. Colfax was as hard as steel but of a smiling and delightful presence to those he fancied. Vanity was really his other name, and ambition with him knew no bounds. He hoped to make a tremendous success of his life, to be looked up to as an imposing financier, and he wanted men—only strong men about him. Eugene seemed to Colfax to be a strong man, and the day he finally communicated with him saying that he thought that he would accept his offer but that he wished to talk to him further, Colfax threw his hat up in the air, slapped his side partner White on the back, and exclaimed: "Whee! Florrie! There's a trick I've scored for this corporation. There's a man, unless I am greatly mistaken, will do something here. He's young but he's all right. He's got the looks on you and me, Florrie, but we can stand that, can't we?"
The truth was that this general opinion was quite right. Colfax was as tough as nails but had a charming and delightful presence for those he liked. Vanity was basically his other name, and his ambition had no limits. He wanted to make a huge success of his life, to be respected as a major financier, and he only wanted strong men around him. Colfax saw Eugene as a strong man, and the day he finally reached out to him, saying he thought he would accept the offer but wanted to discuss it further, Colfax threw his hat in the air, slapped his business partner White on the back, and exclaimed: "Whee! Florrie! I've just scored a win for this corporation. There's a guy who, if I’m not mistaken, will accomplish something here. He’s young, but he’s good. He’s got the looks like you and me, Florrie, but we can deal with that, right?"
White eyed him, with a show of joy and satisfaction which was purely simulated. He had seen many editors and many advertising men in his time. To his judgment they were nearly all lightweights, men who were easily satisfied with the little toy wherewith he or anyone might decide to gratify their vanity. This was probably another case in point, but if a real publisher were coming in here it would not be so well with him. He might attempt to crowd in on his authority or at least divide it with him. That did not appeal to his personal vanity. It really put a stumbling block in his path, for he hoped to rule here some day alone. Why was it that Colfax was so eager to have the authority in this house divided? Was it because he was somewhat afraid of him? He thought so, and he was exceedingly close to the truth when he thought so.
White gave him a look that pretended to be happy and satisfied, but it was all fake. He had met many editors and advertisers before. In his opinion, they were mostly not that impressive, easily pleased by the small things that could boost their egos. This was probably one of those situations, but if a real publisher walked in, it wouldn’t be as easy for him. That person might try to challenge his authority or at least share it with him, which didn't sit well with his ego. It actually created an obstacle for him because he wanted to be the sole leader here one day. Why was Colfax so keen on splitting the authority in this place? Was it because he was a bit intimidated by him? He believed that was the case, and he was pretty close to the truth.
"Florrie's a good lieutenant," Colfax said to himself, "but he needs to be counterbalanced here by someone who will represent the refinements and that intellectual superiority which the world respects."
"Florrie's a good lieutenant," Colfax thought to himself, "but he needs to be balanced out here by someone who can bring the sophistication and that intellectual edge that the world values."
He wanted this refinement and intellectual superiority to be popular with the public, and to produce results in the shape of increased circulation for his magazines and books. These two would then act as checks each to the other, thus preventing the house from becoming overweighted in either direction. Then he could drive this team as a grand master—the man who had selected both, whose ideas they represented, and whose judgment [Pg 469] they respected. The world of finance and trade would know they were nothing without him.
He wanted this sophistication and intellectual edge to be popular with the public, leading to higher sales for his magazines and books. These two would then balance each other, preventing the company from becoming too skewed in either direction. Then he could steer this team like a grand master—the one who had chosen both, whose ideas they represented, and whose judgment [Pg 469] they respected. The world of finance and trade would understand they were nothing without him.
What Eugene thought and what White thought of this prospective situation was that the other would naturally be the minor figure, and that he under Colfax would be the shining light. Eugene was convinced that the house without proper artistic and intellectual dominance was nothing. White was convinced that without sane commercial management it was a failure and that this was the thing to look to. Money could buy brains.
What Eugene thought and what White thought about this potential situation was that the other would naturally be the less important figure, and that he under Colfax would be the standout. Eugene was sure that a house without proper artistic and intellectual leadership was meaningless. White believed that without smart commercial management, it was destined to fail and that this was the key focus. Money could buy intelligence.
Colfax introduced Eugene to White on the morning he arrived to take charge, for on the previous occasions when he had been there White was absent. The two looked at each other and immediately suspended judgment, for both were able men. Eugene saw White as an interesting type—tall, leathery, swaggering, a back-street bully evolved into the semblance of a gentleman. White saw in Eugene a nervous, refined, semi-emotional literary and artistic type who had, however, a curious versatility and virility not common among those whom he had previously encountered. He was exceedingly forceful but not poised. That he could eventually undermine him if he could not dominate him he did not doubt. Still he was coming in with the backing of Colfax and a great reputation, and it might not be easy. Eugene made him feel nervous. He wondered as he looked at him whether Colfax would really make him general literary, artistic and advertising administrator, or whether he would remain simply advertising manager as he now entered. Colfax had not accepted Eugene for more than that.
Colfax introduced Eugene to White on the morning he arrived to take charge because White had been absent during Eugene's previous visits. The two looked at each other and immediately held off on forming any judgments, as both were capable individuals. Eugene saw White as an interesting character—tall, tough, swaggering, like a street bully trying to act like a gentleman. White perceived Eugene as a nervous, refined, somewhat emotional literary and artistic type who surprisingly had a unique versatility and strength not usually found in people he had encountered before. Eugene was very forceful but lacked composure. White had no doubt that he could eventually undermine Eugene if he couldn’t take control of him. Still, Eugene was coming in with Colfax's backing and a solid reputation, so it wouldn’t be easy. Eugene made White feel uneasy. As he looked at Eugene, White wondered whether Colfax would actually appoint him as the general literary, artistic, and advertising administrator, or if he would just stay as the advertising manager as he entered. Colfax hadn’t taken Eugene on for anything more than that.
"Here he is, Florrie," Colfax had said of Eugene, in introducing him to White. "This is the man I've been talking about. Witla—Mr. White. White—Mr. Witla. You two want to get together for the good of this house in the future. What do you think of each other?"
"Here he is, Florrie," Colfax said about Eugene, as he introduced him to White. "This is the guy I’ve been talking about. Witla—Mr. White. White—Mr. Witla. You two should connect for the benefit of this place moving forward. What do you think of each other?"
Eugene had previously noted the peculiarity of this rowdy, rah! rah! attitude on the part of Colfax. He seemed to have no sense of the conventions of social address and conference at any time.
Eugene had previously noticed the oddity of Colfax's loud, enthusiastic attitude. He seemed completely unaware of the social norms for conversation and formal meetings at any time.
"Now, by God," Colfax exclaimed, striking his right fist against his left palm, "unless I am greatly mistaken, this house is going to begin to move! I'm not positive that I have the man I want, but I think I have. White, let's stroll around and introduce him."
"Now, seriously," Colfax said, hitting his right fist against his left palm, "unless I'm really mistaken, this house is about to start moving! I'm not entirely sure I have the guy I need, but I think I do. White, let's walk around and introduce him."
White swaggered to the office door.
White swaggered to the office door.
[Pg 470] "Sure," he said quietly. "An exceptional man," he said to himself.
[Pg 470] "Sure," he said softly. "An amazing guy," he said to himself.
Colfax was almost beside himself with satisfaction, for he was subject to emotional flushes which, however, related to self-aggrandizement only. He walked with a great stride (little as he was), which was his wont when he was feeling particularly satisfied. He talked in a loud voice, for he wanted everyone to know that he, Hiram Colfax, was about and as forceful as the lord of so great an institution should be. He could yell and scream something like a woman in a paroxysm of rage when he was thwarted or irritated. Eugene did not know that as yet.
Colfax was nearly beside himself with happiness because he was prone to emotional highs that only boosted his ego. He strode confidently (even though he was small), which was typical for him when he was feeling especially pleased. He spoke loudly, wanting everyone to recognize that he, Hiram Colfax, was present and as commanding as someone leading such a significant institution should be. He could yell and scream like a woman in a fit of anger when he was frustrated or annoyed. Eugene didn't know that yet.
"Here's one of the printing floors," he said to Eugene, throwing open a door which revealed a room full of thundering presses of giant size. "Where's Dodson, boy? Where's Dodson? Tell him to come here. He's foreman of our printing department," he added, turning to Eugene, as the printer's devil, who had been working at a press, scurried away to find his master. "I told you, I guess, that we have thirty of these presses. There are four more floors just like this."
"Here's one of the printing floors," he said to Eugene, opening a door that revealed a room full of massive, loud printing presses. "Where's Dodson, kid? Where's Dodson? Go tell him to come here. He's the foreman of our printing department," he added, turning to Eugene, as the apprentice who had been working at a press hurried off to find his boss. "I think I mentioned that we have thirty of these presses. There are four more floors just like this one."
"So you did," replied Eugene. "It certainly is a great concern. I can see that the possibilities of a thing like this are almost limitless."
"So you did," replied Eugene. "It definitely is a big concern. I can see that the possibilities of something like this are nearly endless."
"Limitless—I should say! It depends on what you can do with this," and he tapped Eugene's forehead. "If you do your part right, and he does his"—turning to White—"there won't be any limit to what this house can do. That remains to be seen."
"Limitless—I should say! It all comes down to what you can do with this," he said, tapping Eugene's forehead. "If you play your part well, and he does his"—turning to White—"there won't be any limits to what this house can achieve. That’s yet to be determined."
Just then Dodson came bustling up, a shrewd, keen henchman of White's, and looked at Eugene curiously.
Just then, Dodson hurried over, a sharp, shrewd associate of White's, and looked at Eugene with curiosity.
"Dodson, Mr. Witla, the new advertising manager. He's going to try to help pay for all this wasteful presswork you're doing. Witla, Mr. Dodson, manager of the printing department."
"Dodson, Mr. Witla, the new advertising manager. He’s going to try to help cover the costs of all this wasteful printing you’re doing. Witla, Mr. Dodson, manager of the printing department."
The two men shook hands. Eugene felt in a way as though he were talking to an underling, and did not pay very definite attention to him. Dodson resented his attitude somewhat, but gave no sign. His loyalty was to White, and he felt himself perfectly safe under that man's supervision.
The two men shook hands. Eugene felt like he was talking down to someone and didn’t really pay much attention to him. Dodson was a bit annoyed by this attitude but didn’t show it. His loyalty was to White, and he felt completely secure under that man’s oversight.
The next visit was to the composing room where a vast army of men were working away at type racks and linotype machines. A short, fat, ink-streaked foreman in a green striped apron that looked as though it might have been made of bed ticking came forward to greet them ingratiatingly. He was plainly nervous [Pg 471] at their presence, and withdrew his hand when Eugene offered to take it.
The next visit was to the composing room, where a large group of men were busy working at type racks and linotype machines. A short, chubby foreman with ink stains on his green striped apron, which looked like it might have been made from bedding fabric, stepped forward to greet them with a friendly smile. He seemed clearly nervous about their presence and pulled back his hand when Eugene offered to shake it. [Pg 471]
"It's too dirty," he said. "I'll take the will for the deed, Mr. Witla."
"It's too dirty," he said. "I'll consider the intention as good enough, Mr. Witla."
More explanations and laudations of the extent of the business followed.
More explanations and praises about the scale of the business followed.
Then came the circulation department with its head, a tall dark man who looked solemnly at Eugene, uncertain as to what place he was to have in the organization and uncertain as to what attitude he should ultimately have to take. White was "butting into his affairs," as he told his wife, and he did not know where it would end. He had heard rumors to the effect that there was to be a new man soon who was to have great authority over various departments. Was this he?
Then the circulation department arrived with its head, a tall dark man who looked seriously at Eugene, unsure of what role he should have in the organization and uncertain about what attitude he should eventually take. White was "interfering in his business," as he told his wife, and he didn’t know where it would lead. He had heard rumors that a new person was coming soon who would have significant power over different departments. Was this him?
There came next the editors of the various magazines, who viewed this triumphal procession with more or less contempt, for to them both Colfax and White were raw, uncouth upstarts blazoning their material superiority in loud-mouthed phrases. Colfax talked too loud and was too vainglorious. White was too hard, bitter and unreasoning. They hated them both with a secret hate but there was no escaping their domination. The need of living salaries held all in obsequious subjection.
The editors of various magazines followed, looking at this grand procession with varying degrees of disdain, because to them, both Colfax and White were inexperienced, crude upstarts flaunting their material success with brash words. Colfax spoke too loudly and was too full of himself. White was too harsh, bitter, and unreasonable. They secretly hated both men, but couldn't escape their control. The necessity of decent salaries kept everyone in submissive dependence.
"Here's Mr. Marchwood," Colfax said inconsiderately of the editor of the International Review. "He thinks he's making a wonderful publication of that, but we don't know whether he is yet or not."
"Here's Mr. Marchwood," Colfax said thoughtlessly about the editor of the International Review. "He thinks he's creating something amazing with that, but we still don't know if he actually is."
Eugene winced for Marchwood. He was so calm, so refined, so professional.
Eugene felt sorry for Marchwood. He was so composed, so polished, so professional.
"I suppose we can only go by the circulation department," he replied simply, attracted by Eugene's sympathetic smile.
"I guess we can only rely on the circulation department," he answered plainly, drawn in by Eugene's understanding smile.
"That's all! That's all!" exclaimed Colfax.
"That's it! That's it!" shouted Colfax.
"That is probably true," said Eugene, "but a good thing ought to be as easily circulated as a poor one. At least it's worth trying."
"That might be true," Eugene said, "but a good thing should be just as easy to spread as a bad one. At the very least, it's worth a shot."
Mr. Marchwood smiled. It was a bit of intellectual kindness in a world of cruel comment.
Mr. Marchwood smiled. It was a small act of kindness in a world filled with harsh criticism.
"It's a great institution," said Eugene finally, on reaching the president's office again. "I'll begin now and see what I can do."
"It's a great institution," Eugene finally said as he reached the president's office again. "I'll start now and see what I can do."
"Good luck, my boy. Good luck!" said Colfax loudly. "I'm laying great stress on what you're going to do, you know."
"Good luck, my boy. Good luck!" Colfax said loudly. "I'm placing a lot of importance on what you're about to do, you know."
"Don't lean too hard," returned Eugene. "Remember, I'm just one in a great organization."
"Don't lean too hard," Eugene replied. "Remember, I’m just one person in a large organization."
[Pg 472] "I know, I know, but the one is all I need up there—the one, see?"
[Pg 472] "I get it, I get it, but the one is all I need up there—the one, you see?"
"Yes, yes," laughed Eugene, "cheer up. We'll be able to do a little something, I'm sure."
"Yeah, yeah," laughed Eugene, "cheer up. I'm sure we'll be able to do something."
"A great man, that," Colfax declared to White as he went away. "The real stuff in that fellow, no flinching there you notice. He knows how to think. Now, Florrie, unless I miss my guess you and I are going to get somewhere with this thing."
"A great guy, that one," Colfax said to White as he walked away. "There's real substance in that guy, no backing down there, you see. He knows how to think. Now, Florrie, unless I'm mistaken, you and I are going to make some progress with this."
White smiled gloomily, almost cynically. He was not so sure. Eugene was pretty good, but he was obviously too independent, too artistic, to be really stable and dependable. He would never run to him for advice, but he would probably make mistakes. He might lose his head. What must he do to offset this new invasion of authority? Discredit him? Certainly. But he needn't worry about that. Eugene would do something. He would make mistakes of some kind. He felt sure of it. He was almost positive of it.
White smiled sadly, almost sarcastically. He wasn't so sure. Eugene was pretty talented, but he was clearly too independent and too artistic to be truly stable and reliable. He would never go to him for advice, but he was likely to mess up. He might lose control. What should he do to counter this new challenge to his authority? Discredit him? Absolutely. But he didn't need to stress about that. Eugene would do something. He would make some mistakes. He was certain of it. He was almost positive.
CHAPTER XLI
The opening days of this their second return to New York were a period of great joy to Angela. Unlike that first time when she was returning after seven months of loneliness and unhappiness to a sick husband and a gloomy outlook, she was now looking forward to what, in spite of her previous doubts, was a glorious career of dignity, prosperity and abundance. Eugene was such an important man now. His career was so well marked and in a way almost certified. They had a good bit of money in the bank. Their investments in stocks, on which they obtained a uniform rate of interest of about seven per cent., aggregated $30,000. They had two lots, two hundred by two hundred, in Montclair, which were said to be slowly increasing in value and which Eugene now estimated to be worth about six thousand. He was talking about investing what additional money he might save in stocks bearing better interest or some sound commercial venture. When the proper time came, a little later, he might even abandon the publishing field entirely and renew his interest in art. He was certainly getting near the possibility of this.
The opening days of their second return to New York were a time of great joy for Angela. Unlike that first time when she came back after seven months of loneliness and unhappiness to a sick husband and a bleak future, she was now looking forward to what, despite her earlier doubts, was a glorious career filled with dignity, prosperity, and abundance. Eugene was such an important man now. His career was well established and almost certain. They had a decent amount of money in the bank. Their investments in stocks, which earned a consistent rate of about seven percent, totaled $30,000. They owned two lots, each two hundred by two hundred, in Montclair, which were said to be slowly increasing in value and which Eugene now estimated to be worth about six thousand. He was considering investing any extra money he could save into stocks with better returns or some sound business opportunity. When the right time came, a little later, he might even leave the publishing field completely and renew his interest in art. He was certainly getting closer to making that a reality.
The place which they selected for their residence in New York was in a new and very sumptuous studio apartment building on Riverside Drive near Seventy-ninth Street, where Eugene had long fancied he would like to live. This famous thoroughfare and show place with its restricted park atmosphere, its magnificent and commanding view of the lordly Hudson, its wondrous woods of color and magnificent sunsets had long taken his eye. When he had first come to New York it had been his delight to stroll here watching the stream of fashionable equipages pour out towards Grant's Tomb and return. He had sat on a park bench many an afternoon at this very spot or farther up, and watched the gay company of horsemen and horsewomen riding cheerfully by, nodding to their social acquaintances, speaking to the park keepers and road scavengers in a condescending and superior way, taking their leisure in a comfortable fashion and looking idly at the river. It seemed a wonderful world to him at that time. Only millionaires could afford to live there, he thought—so ignorant was he of the financial tricks of the world. These handsomely garbed men in riding coats and breeches; the chic looking girls in stiff black hats, trailing [Pg 474] black riding skirts, yellow gloved, and sporting short whips which looked more like dainty canes than anything else, took his fancy greatly. It was his idea at that time that this was almost the apex of social glory—to be permitted to ride here of an afternoon.
The place they chose to live in New York was a brand-new, upscale studio apartment building on Riverside Drive, near Seventy-Ninth Street, where Eugene had always dreamed of living. This iconic street, with its restricted park vibe and stunning views of the grand Hudson River, along with its beautiful colors and breathtaking sunsets, had captured his attention for a long time. When he first arrived in New York, he loved strolling here, watching the flow of elegant carriages heading to Grant's Tomb and back. He often sat on a park bench in this exact spot or further up, observing the lively group of riders, both men and women, cheerfully passing by, nodding to their friends, chatting with the park keepers and street cleaners in a condescending way, enjoying their leisure while idly gazing at the river. To him, it felt like a fantastic world at that time. He thought only millionaires could afford to live there—so unaware was he of the financial realities of the world. The well-dressed men in riding coats and breeches, and the stylish girls in stiff black hats, flowing black riding skirts, yellow gloves, and carrying short whips that looked more like elegant canes, greatly impressed him. He believed this was nearly the peak of social prestige—to be allowed to ride here in the afternoon.
Since then he had come a long way and learned a great deal, but he still fancied this street as one of the few perfect expressions of the elegance and luxury of metropolitan life, and he wanted to live on it. Angela was given authority, after discussion, to see what she could find in the way of an apartment of say nine or eleven rooms with two baths or more, which should not cost more than three thousand or three thousand five hundred. As a matter of fact, a very handsome apartment of nine rooms and two baths including a studio room eighteen feet high, forty feet long and twenty-two feet wide was found at the now, to them, comparatively moderate sum of three thousand two hundred. The chambers were beautifully finished in old English oak carved and stained after a very pleasing fifteenth century model, and the walls were left to the discretion of the incoming tenant. Whatever was desired in the way of tapestries, silks or other wall furnishing would be supplied.
Since then, he had come a long way and learned a lot, but he still considered this street as one of the few perfect representations of the elegance and luxury of city life, and he wanted to live on it. After discussing it, Angela was given the go-ahead to see what she could find in the way of an apartment with around nine or eleven rooms and at least two bathrooms, ideally not costing more than three thousand or three thousand five hundred. In fact, a very nice apartment with nine rooms and two baths, including a studio that was eighteen feet high, forty feet long, and twenty-two feet wide, was found for the relatively reasonable price of three thousand two hundred. The rooms were beautifully finished in old English oak that was carved and stained in a very nice fifteenth-century style, and the walls were left to the discretion of the new tenant. Any desired tapestries, silks, or other wall decorations would be provided.
Eugene chose green-brown tapestries representing old Rhine Castles for his studio, and blue and brown silks for his wall furnishings elsewhere. He now realized a long cherished dream of having the great wooden cross of brown stained oak, ornamented with a figure of the bleeding Christ, which he set in a dark shaded corner behind two immense wax candles set in tall heavy bronze candlesticks, the size of small bed posts. These when lighted in an otherwise darkened room and flickering ruefully, cast a peculiar spell of beauty over the gay throngs which sometimes assembled here. A grand piano in old English oak occupied one corner, a magnificent music cabinet in French burnt woodwork, stood near by. There were a number of carved and fluted high back chairs, a carved easel with one of his best pictures displayed, a black marble pedestal bearing a yellow stained marble bust of Nero, with his lascivious, degenerate face, scowling grimly at the world, and two gold plated candelabra of eleven branches each hung upon the north wall.
Eugene chose green-brown tapestries featuring old Rhine castles for his studio and blue and brown silks for his wall decor elsewhere. He was now fulfilling a long-held dream of having a grand wooden cross made of brown-stained oak, adorned with a figure of the bleeding Christ, which he placed in a dark corner behind two massive wax candles set in tall, heavy bronze candlesticks the size of small bedposts. When lit in an otherwise dim room, their flickering glow cast a unique beauty over the lively crowds that sometimes gathered here. A grand piano in old English oak occupied one corner, while a stunning music cabinet in French burnt wood was nearby. There were several carved and fluted high-back chairs, a carved easel displaying one of his best paintings, a black marble pedestal with a yellow-stained marble bust of Nero, whose lascivious, degenerate face grimaced at the world, and two gold-plated candelabra with eleven branches each were hung on the north wall.
Two wide, tall windows with storm sashes, which reached from the floor to the ceiling, commanded the West view of the Hudson. Outside one was a small stone balcony wide enough to accommodate four chairs, which gave a beautiful, cool view of the drive. It was shielded by an awning in summer and was nine storeys above the ground. Over the water of the more or [Pg 475] less peaceful stream were the stacks and outlines of a great factory, and in the roadstead lay boats always, war vessels, tramp freighters, sail boats, and up and down passed the endless traffic of small craft always so pleasant to look upon in fair or foul weather. It was a beautiful apartment, beautifully finished in which most of their furniture, brought from Philadelphia, fitted admirably. It was here that at last they settled down to enjoy the fruit of that long struggle and comparative victory which brought them so near their much desired goal—an indestructible and unchangeable competence which no winds of ill fortune could readily destroy.
Two tall, wide windows with storm sashes, stretching from the floor to the ceiling, offered a great view of the Hudson River. Outside one of them was a small stone balcony big enough for four chairs, providing a lovely, refreshing view of the drive. It was covered by an awning in the summer and was situated nine stories up. Across the usually calm water, you could see the stacks and outlines of a large factory, and in the harbor, there were always boats—warships, freighters, sailboats—while the endless movement of small crafts created a scene that was delightful to watch, no matter the weather. It was a beautiful apartment, elegantly finished, where most of their furniture from Philadelphia fit perfectly. This was finally where they settled down to enjoy the rewards of their long struggle and achievement, bringing them close to their long-desired goal—an invincible and steady stability that no misfortune could easily take away.
Eugene was quite beside himself with joy and satisfaction at thus finding himself and Angela eventually surrounded by those tokens of luxury, comfort and distinction which had so long haunted his brain. Most of us go through life with the furniture of our prospective castle well outlined in mind, but with never the privilege of seeing it realized. We have our pictures, our hangings, our servitors well and ably selected. Eugene's were real at last.
Eugene was completely overwhelmed with joy and satisfaction at finally finding himself and Angela surrounded by the symbols of luxury, comfort, and distinction that had so long occupied his thoughts. Most of us go through life with a clear idea of the furniture in our dream castle, but we never get the chance to see it become real. We have our images, our decorations, our servants all carefully imagined. But Eugene's dreams were finally a reality.
CHAPTER XLII
The affairs of the United Magazines Corporation, so far as the advertising, commercial and manufacturing ends at least were concerned, were not in such an unfortunate condition by any means as to preclude their being quickly restored by tact, good business judgment and hard work. Since the accession to power of Florence White in the commercial and financial ends, things in that quarter at least had slowly begun to take a turn for the better. Although he had no judgment whatsoever as to what constituted a timely article, an important book or a saleable art feature, he had that peculiar intuition for right methods of manufacture, right buying and right selling of stock, right handling of labor from the cost and efficiency point of view, which made him a power to be reckoned with. He knew a good manufacturing man to employ at sight. He knew where books could be sold and how. He knew how to buy paper in large quantities and at the cheapest rates, and how to print and manufacture at a cost which was as low as could possibly be figured. All waste was eliminated. He used his machines to their utmost capacity, via a series of schedules which saved an immense amount of waste and demanded the least possible help. He was constantly having trouble with the labor unions on this score, for they objected to a policy which cut out duplication of effort and so eliminated their men. He was an iron master, however, coarse, brutal, foul when dealing with them, and they feared and respected him.
The operations of the United Magazines Corporation, at least in terms of advertising, commerce, and manufacturing, were not in such a bad state that they couldn't be quickly improved with skill, good business sense, and hard work. Since Florence White took charge of the commercial and financial aspects, things in that area had gradually started to get better. Even though he had no sense of what made a product timely, an important book, or a marketable art feature, he had an uncanny knack for the right manufacturing methods, smart purchasing, effective selling, and efficient labor management which made him someone to be reckoned with. He could recognize a good manufacturing hire at a glance. He knew where and how to sell books. He understood how to buy paper in bulk at the lowest prices and how to print and produce at costs that were as low as possible. All waste was cut out. He operated his machines at maximum capacity, using schedules that saved a lot of resources and required minimal help. He frequently encountered issues with labor unions because they opposed a strategy that reduced repetitive work and, in turn, eliminated jobs. However, he was a tough boss—harsh, rough, and abrasive when dealing with them—and they both feared and respected him.
In the advertising end of the business things had been going rather badly, for the reason that the magazines for which this department was supposed to get business had not been doing so well editorially. They were out of touch with the times to a certain extent—not in advance of the feelings and emotions of the period, and so the public was beginning to be inclined to look elsewhere for its mental pabulum. They had had great circulation and great prestige. That was when they were younger, and the original publishers and editors in their prime. Since then days of weariness, indifference and confusion had ensued. Only with the accession of Colfax to power had hope begun to return. As has been said, he was looking for strong men in every quarter of this field, but in particular he was looking for one man who would tell him how to govern them [Pg 477] after he had them. Who was to dream out the things which would interest the public in each particular magazine proposition? Who was to draw great and successful authors to the book end of the house? Who was to inspire the men who were directing the various departments with the spirit which would bring public interest and success? Eugene might be the man eventually he hoped, but how soon? He was anxious to hurry his progress now that he had him.
In the advertising side of the business, things had been going pretty poorly because the magazines this department was supposed to get business for hadn’t been performing well editorially. They were somewhat out of touch with the times—not aligned with the feelings and emotions of the period—so the public was starting to look elsewhere for their intellectual entertainment. They used to have great circulation and prestige, but that was when they were younger, and the original publishers and editors were in their prime. Since then, there had been days of fatigue, indifference, and confusion. Only with Colfax taking charge did hope start to return. As mentioned, he was searching for strong leaders in every area of this field, but especially for one person who could guide them after assembling his team. Who would come up with the ideas that would interest the public in each magazine proposal? Who would attract great and successful authors to the book side of the company? Who would inspire the men running the various departments with the energy to capture public interest and drive success? Eugene might eventually be that person, he hoped, but how soon? He was eager to speed up his development now that he had him. [Pg 477]
It was not long after Eugene was seated in his advertising managerial chair that he saw how things lay. His men, when he gathered them in conference, complained that they were fighting against falling circulations.
It wasn’t long after Eugene sat down in his advertising manager chair that he realized the situation. His team, when he brought them together for a meeting, complained that they were struggling against declining circulation numbers.
"You can talk all you want, Mr. Witla," said one of his men gloomily, "but circulation and circulation only is the answer. They have to keep up the magazines here. All these manufacturers know when they get results. We go out and get new business all the time, but we don't keep it. We can't keep it. The magazines don't bring results. What are you going to do about that?"
"You can say whatever you want, Mr. Witla," one of his men said gloomily, "but the only thing that matters is circulation. They need to keep the magazines going here. All these manufacturers know when they see results. We go out and find new business all the time, but we can't hold onto it. The magazines don't deliver results. What are you going to do about that?"
"I'll tell you what we are going to do," replied Eugene calmly, "we're going to key up the magazines. I understand that a number of changes are coming in that direction. They are doing better already. The manufacturing department, for one thing, is in splendid shape. I know that. In a short time the editorial departments will be. I want you people to put up, at this time, the best fight you know how under the conditions as they are. I'm not going to make any changes here if I can help it. I'm going to show you how it can be done—each one separately. I want you to believe that we have the greatest organization in the world, and it can be made to sweep everything before it. Take a look at Mr. Colfax. Do you think he is ever going to fail? We may, but he won't."
“I’ll tell you what we’re going to do,” Eugene replied calmly, “we’re going to improve the magazines. I know that some changes are coming in that direction. They’re already doing better. The manufacturing department, for one, is in great shape. I know that. Soon, the editorial departments will be too. I want you all to give it your best shot right now, under the conditions as they are. I’m not planning to make any changes here if I can avoid it. I’m going to show you how it can be done—each one individually. I want you to believe that we have the greatest organization in the world, and it can be made to overcome everything in its path. Look at Mr. Colfax. Do you think he’s ever going to fail? We might, but he won’t.”
The men liked Eugene's manner and confidence. They liked his faith in them, and it was not more than ten days before he had won their confidence completely. He took home to the hotel where he and Angela were stopping temporarily all the magazines, and examined them carefully. He took home a number of the latest books issued, and asked Angela to read them. He tried to think just what it was each magazine should represent, and who and where was the man who would give to each its proper life and vigor. At once, for the adventure magazine, he thought of a man whom he had met years before who had since been making a good deal of a success editing a Sunday newspaper magazine supplement, Jack Bezenah. He [Pg 478] had started out to be a radical writer, but had tamed down and become a most efficient newspaper man. Eugene had met him several times in the last few years and each time had been impressed by the force and subtlety of his judgment of life. Once he had said to him, "Jack, you ought to be editing a magazine of your own."
The men appreciated Eugene's demeanor and confidence. They valued his belief in them, and within just ten days, he had completely earned their trust. He brought back to the hotel where he and Angela were temporarily staying all the magazines and examined them closely. He took home several of the latest books and asked Angela to read them. He tried to figure out what each magazine should represent and who the right person was to give each one its true life and energy. Immediately, for the adventure magazine, he thought of a guy he had met years ago who had found success editing a Sunday newspaper magazine supplement, Jack Bezenah. He had started out as a radical writer but had toned it down and become a highly effective newspaper man. Eugene had run into him a few times in recent years and had always been impressed by the depth and insight of his perspective on life. Once, he had told him, "Jack, you should be editing your own magazine."
"I will be, I will be," returned that worthy. Now as he looked at this particular proposition Bezenah stuck in his mind as the man who should be employed. He had seen the present editor, but he seemed to have no force at all.
"I will be, I will be," replied that respectable person. As he considered this particular proposal, Bezenah stood out in his mind as the person who should be hired. He had met the current editor, but he seemed to lack any real influence.
The weekly needed a man like Townsend Miller—where would he find him? The present man's ideas were interesting but not sufficiently general in their appeal. Eugene went about among the various editors looking at them, ostensibly making their acquaintance, but he was not satisfied with any one of them.
The weekly needed someone like Townsend Miller—where would they find him? The current guy's ideas were intriguing but not broad enough to attract a wider audience. Eugene wandered among the different editors, getting to know them, but he wasn't impressed with any of them.
He waited to see that his own department was not needing any vast effort on his part before he said to Colfax one day:
He waited to make sure his own department didn’t require any major effort from him before he mentioned it to Colfax one day:
"Things are not right with your editorial department. I've looked into my particular job to see that there is nothing so radically behindhand there but what it can be remedied, but your magazines are not right. I wish, aside from salary proposition entirely, that you would let me begin to make a few changes. You haven't the right sort of people upstairs. I'll try not to move too fast, but you couldn't be worse off than you are now in some instances."
"Your editorial department has some issues. I’ve checked my specific role and found nothing so drastically behind that it can't be fixed, but your magazines are not in a good place. I wish, aside from salary discussions, that you would let me start making a few changes. You don’t have the right people in higher positions. I’ll try to take it slow, but in some cases, things couldn’t be worse than they are now."
"I know it!" said Colfax. "I know it! What do you suggest?"
"I know it!" said Colfax. "I know it! What do you think we should do?"
"Simply better men, that's all," replied Eugene. "Better men with newer ideas. It may cost you a little more money at present, but it will bring you more back in the long run."
"Just better guys, that's all," replied Eugene. "Better guys with fresh ideas. It might cost you a bit more upfront, but it will pay off for you in the long run."
"You're right! You're right!" insisted Colfax enthusiastically. "I've been waiting for someone whose judgment I thought was worth two whoops to come and tell me that for a long time. So far as I'm concerned you can take charge right now! The salary that I promised you goes with it. I want to tell you something, though! I want to tell you something! You're going in there now with full authority, but don't you fall or stub your toe or get sick or make any mistakes. If you do, God help you! if you do, I'll eat you alive! I'm a good employer, Witla. I'll pay any price for good men, within reason, but if I think I'm being done, or made a fool of, or a man is making a mistake, then there's no mercy in me—not a single bit. I'm a plain, everyday blank, blank, blank" (and he [Pg 479] used a term so foul that it would not bear repetition in print), "and that's all there is to me. Now we understand each other."
"You're right! You're right!" Colfax insisted eagerly. "I've been waiting for someone whose judgment I actually respect to come and tell me that for a long time. As far as I'm concerned, you can take charge right now! The salary I promised you goes along with it. But I want to tell you something! I want to tell you something! You’re going in there now with full authority, but don't you mess up, get sick, or make any mistakes. If you do, God help you! If you do, I'll take you apart! I'm a good employer, Witla. I'll pay any price for good employees, within reason, but if I think I'm being taken advantage of, or made to look foolish, or if someone messes up, then there's no mercy in me—none whatsoever. I'm just a plain, everyday piece of work" (and he [Pg 479] used a term so offensive that it can't be repeated here), "and that's all there is to me. Now we understand each other."
Eugene looked at the man in astonishment. There was a hard, cold gleam in his blue eyes which he had seen there before. His presence was electric—his look demoniac.
Eugene stared at the man in shock. There was a harsh, cold glint in his blue eyes that he had seen before. His presence was charged—his gaze menacing.
"I've had a remark somewhat of that nature made to me before," commented Eugene. He was thinking of Summerfield's "the coal shute for yours." He had hardly expected to hear so cold and definite a proposition laid down so soon after his entry upon his new duties, but here it was, and he had to face it. He was sorry for the moment that he had ever left Kalvin.
"I've gotten a comment like that before," said Eugene. He was remembering Summerfield's "the coal shute for yours." He hadn't expected to hear such a cold and clear proposition so soon after starting his new job, but there it was, and he had to deal with it. For a moment, he regretted leaving Kalvin.
"I'm not at all afraid of responsibility," replied Eugene grimly. "I'm not going to fall down or stub my toe or make any mistakes if I can help it. And if I do I won't complain to you."
"I'm not scared of responsibility at all," Eugene replied seriously. "I'm not going to mess up or get hurt or make any mistakes if I can avoid it. And if I do, I won't complain to you."
"Well, I'm only telling you," said Colfax, smiling and good-natured again. The cold light was gone. "And I mean it in the best way in the world. I'll back you up with all power and authority, but if you fail, God help you; I can't."
"Well, I'm just letting you know," Colfax said, smiling and back to being friendly. The harshness had disappeared. "And I really mean it in the best way possible. I’ll support you with all my power and authority, but if you fail, good luck; I can’t help you."
He went back to his desk and Eugene went upstairs. He felt as though the red cap of a cardinal had been put upon his head, and at the same time an axe suspended over him. He would have to think carefully of what he was doing from now on. He would have to go slow, but he would have to go. All power had been given him—all authority. He could go upstairs now and discharge everybody in the place. Colfax would back him up, but he would have to replace them. And that quickly and effectively. It was a trying hour, notable but grim.
He went back to his desk while Eugene headed upstairs. He felt like a cardinal's red cap had been placed on his head, and at the same time, an axe was hanging over him. He needed to really think about what he was doing from now on. He had to take his time, but he had to take action. All power had been given to him—all authority. He could go upstairs now and fire everyone in the building. Colfax would support him, but he would need to find replacements. And that had to happen quickly and effectively. It was a tough moment, significant but serious.
His first move was to send for Bezenah. He had not seen him for some time, but his stationery which he now had headed "The United Magazines Corporation," and in one corner "Office of the Managing Publisher," brought him fast enough. It was a daring thing to do in a way thus to style himself managing publisher, when so many able men were concerned in the work, but this fact did not disturb him. He was bound and determined to begin, and this stationery—the mere engraving of it—was as good a way as any of serving notice that he was in the saddle. The news flew like wild fire about the building, for there were many in his office, even his private stenographer, to carry the news. All the editors and assistants wondered what it could mean, but they asked no questions, except among [Pg 480] themselves. No general announcement had been made. On the same stationery he sent for Adolph Morgenbau, who had exhibited marked skill at Summerfield's as his assistant, and who had since become art editor of The Sphere, a magazine of rising importance. He thought that Morgenbau might now be fitted to handle the art work under him, and he was not mistaken. Morgenbau had developed into a man of considerable force and intelligence, and was only too glad to be connected with Eugene again. He also talked with various advertising men, artists and writers as to just who were the most live editorial men in the field at that time, and these he wrote to, asking if they would come to see him. One by one they came, for the fact that he had come to New York to take charge not only of the advertising but the editorial ends of the United Magazines Corporation spread rapidly over the city. All those interested in art, writing, editing and advertising heard of it. Those who had known something of him in the past could scarcely believe their ears. Where did he get the skill?
His first move was to call for Bezenah. He hadn't seen him in a while, but the stationery he now had, which was labeled "The United Magazines Corporation" and had “Office of the Managing Publisher” in one corner, brought him quickly. It was a bold move in a way to call himself managing publisher, especially with so many capable people involved in the work, but that didn’t bother him. He was determined to get started, and this stationery—just its design—was as good a way as any to announce that he was in charge. The news spread like wildfire around the building because many in his office, including his private stenographer, shared the news. All the editors and assistants were curious about what it meant, but they kept their questions to themselves. No formal announcement had been made. Using the same stationery, he called for Adolph Morgenbau, who had impressed at Summerfield's as his assistant and had since become the art editor of The Sphere, a magazine gaining importance. He thought Morgenbau might now be ready to handle the art work for him, and he was right. Morgenbau had grown into a man of significant skill and intelligence, and he was thrilled to be working with Eugene again. He also spoke with various advertising professionals, artists, and writers to find out who the most influential editorial people were in the field at that time and reached out to them, inviting them to see him. One by one, they arrived, as news of his arrival in New York to take charge of both the advertising and editorial aspects of the United Magazines Corporation spread quickly across the city. Everyone interested in art, writing, editing, and advertising heard about it. Those who were familiar with him from the past could hardly believe it. Where did he get the skill?
Eugene stated to Colfax that he deemed it advisable that a general announcement be made to the staff that he was in charge. "I have been looking about," he said, "and I think I know what I want to do."
Eugene told Colfax that he thought it would be a good idea to make a general announcement to the staff that he was in charge. "I've been observing things," he said, "and I believe I know what I want to do."
The various editors, art directors, advertising men and book workers were called to the main office and Colfax announced that he wished to make a statement which affected all those present. "Mr. Witla here will be in charge of all the publishing ends of this business from now on. I am withdrawing from any say in the matter, for I am satisfied that I do not know as much about it as he does. I want you all to look to him for advice and counsel just as you have to me in the past. Mr. White will continue in charge of the manufacturing and distributing end of the business. Mr. White and Mr. Witla will work together. That's all I have to say."
The different editors, art directors, advertising people, and book workers were called to the main office, and Colfax announced that he had an important message for everyone there. "Mr. Witla will now be in charge of all the publishing aspects of this business. I’m stepping back from any involvement, as I realize I don’t know as much about it as he does. I want all of you to look to him for advice and guidance just like you have with me in the past. Mr. White will still oversee the manufacturing and distribution side of the business. Mr. White and Mr. Witla will collaborate. That’s all I have to say."
The company departed, and once more Eugene returned to his office. He decided at once to find an advertising man who could work under him and run that branch of the business as well as he would. He spent some time looking for this man, and finally found him working for the Hays-Rickert Company, a man whom he had known something of in the past as an exceptional worker. He was a strong, forceful individual of thirty-two, Carter Hayes by name, who was very anxious to succeed in his chosen work, and who saw a great opportunity here. He did not like Eugene so very well—he thought that he was over-estimated—but he decided to work for him. The [Pg 481] latter put him in at ten thousand a year and then turned his attention to his new duties completely.
The company left, and once again, Eugene returned to his office. He immediately decided to find an advertising person to work under him and manage that part of the business just as well as he would. He spent some time searching for this person and finally discovered him working at the Hays-Rickert Company, someone he had known in the past as an outstanding employee. He was a strong, assertive thirty-two-year-old named Carter Hayes, who was eager to succeed in his chosen field and recognized a great opportunity here. He didn’t think too highly of Eugene—believing he was somewhat overrated—but he chose to work for him anyway. The [Pg 481] latter offered him a salary of ten thousand a year and then focused entirely on his new responsibilities.
The editorial and publishing world was entirely new to Eugene from the executive side. He did not understand it as well as he did the art and advertising worlds, and because it was in a way comparatively new and strange to him he made a number of initial mistakes. His first was in concluding that all the men about him were more or less weak and inefficient, principally because the magazines were weak, when, as a matter of fact, there were a number of excellent men whom conditions had repressed, and who were only waiting for some slight recognition to be of great value. In the next place, he was not clear as to the exact policies to be followed in the case of each publication, and he was not inclined to listen humbly to those who could tell him. His best plan would have been to have gone exceedingly slow, watching the men who were in charge, getting their theories and supplementing their efforts with genial suggestions. Instead he decided on sweeping changes and not long after he had been in charge he began to make them. Marchwood, the editor of the Review, was removed, as was Gailer of the Weekly. The editorship of the Adventure Story Magazine was given to Bezenah.
The editorial and publishing world was completely new to Eugene from the executive side. He didn’t understand it as well as he did the art and advertising worlds, and since it was relatively unfamiliar and strange to him, he made several initial mistakes. His first mistake was assuming that all the men around him were weak and inefficient, mainly because the magazines were struggling, when, in reality, there were many talented individuals whose potential had been stifled, just waiting for a little recognition to shine. Additionally, he wasn’t clear on the specific policies to follow for each publication, and he was not open to listening to those who could guide him. His best approach would have been to take things very slowly, observing the men in charge, understanding their theories, and enhancing their efforts with friendly suggestions. Instead, he opted for sweeping changes, and not long after he took charge, he began implementing them. Marchwood, the editor of the Review, was dismissed, as was Gailer of the Weekly. The editorship of the Adventure Story Magazine was assigned to Bezenah.
In any organization of this kind, however, great improvements cannot be effected in a moment, and weeks and months must elapse before any noticeable change can be shown. Instead of throwing the burden of responsibility on each of his assistants and leaving it there, making occasional criticisms, Eugene undertook to work with each and all of them, endeavoring to direct the policy intimately in each particular case. It was not easy, and to him at times it was confusing. He had a great deal to learn. Still he did have helpful ideas in a score of directions daily and these told. The magazines were improved. The first issues which were affected by his judgment and those of his men were inspected closely by Colfax and White. The latter was particularly anxious to see what improvement had been made, and while he could not judge well himself, he had the means of getting opinions. Nearly all these were favorable, much to his disappointment, for he hoped to find things to criticize.
In any organization like this, big improvements can't happen overnight, and it takes weeks or months before any noticeable changes are evident. Instead of placing the entire burden of responsibility on each of his assistants and just offering occasional feedback, Eugene took the initiative to work closely with each of them, trying to guide the policy in every specific case. It wasn't easy, and at times it felt overwhelming for him. He had a lot to learn. Still, he came up with useful ideas in various areas every day, and those made a difference. The magazines improved. The first issues impacted by his decisions and those of his team were carefully reviewed by Colfax and White. The latter was particularly eager to see what improvements had been made, and even though he couldn't assess things well himself, he had ways to gather opinions. Nearly all of these were positive, much to his disappointment, as he hoped to find some critique-worthy aspects.
Colfax, who had been watching Eugene's determined air, the energy with which he went about his work and the manner in which he freely accepted responsibility, came to admire him even more than he had before. He liked him socially—his companionship after business hours—and began to invite him up to the house to dinner. Unlike Kalvin, on most of these occasions [Pg 482] he did not take Angela into consideration, for having met her he was not so very much impressed with her. She was nice, but not of the same coruscating quality as her husband. Mrs. Colfax expressed a derogatory opinion, and this also made it difficult. He sincerely wished that Eugene were single.
Colfax, who had been observing Eugene's determined attitude, the energy he put into his work, and how he willingly took on responsibility, grew to admire him even more than before. He enjoyed spending time with him socially—his company after work hours—and started inviting him over for dinner. Unlike Kalvin, on most of these occasions [Pg 482] he didn’t consider Angela, since after meeting her, he wasn’t that impressed. She was nice, but not nearly as vibrant as her husband. Mrs. Colfax shared a negative opinion, which added to the difficulty. He genuinely wished that Eugene were single.
Time passed. As Eugene worked more and more with the various propositions which this situation involved, he became more and more at his ease. Those who have ever held an executive position of any importance know how easy it is, given a certain degree of talent, to attract men and women of ability and force according to that talent. Like seeks like and those who are looking for advancement in their world according to their talents naturally drift to those who are more highly placed and who are much like themselves. Advertising men, artists, circulation men, editors, book critics, authors and all those who were sufficiently in his vein to understand or appreciate him sought him out, and by degrees he was compelled to learn to refer all applicants to the heads of departments. He was compelled to learn to rely to a certain degree on his men, and having learned this he was inclined to go to the other extreme and rely too much. In the case of Carter Hayes, in the advertising department, he was particularly impressed with the man's efficiency, and rested on him heavily for all the details of that work, merely inspecting his programs of procedure and advising him in difficult situations. The latter appreciated this, for he was egotistic to the roots, but it did not develop a sense of loyalty in him. He saw in Eugene a man who had risen by some fluke of fortune, and who was really not an advertising man at heart. He hoped some day that circumstances would bring it about that he could be advertising manager in fact, dealing directly with Colfax and White, whom, because of their greater financial interest in the business, he considered Eugene's superiors, and whom he proposed to court. There were others in the other departments who felt the same way.
Time went by. As Eugene continued working with the various issues this situation involved, he became increasingly comfortable. Those who have ever held a significant executive position know how easy it is, with a certain amount of talent, to attract capable individuals. Like attracts like, and those seeking advancement based on their abilities naturally gravitate towards those who are in higher positions and are similar to them. Advertising professionals, artists, circulation people, editors, book critics, authors, and everyone who resonated with him sought him out, and gradually he had to learn to refer all applicants to the heads of departments. He had to learn to depend on his team to some extent, and once he realized this, he tended to go to the opposite extreme and rely too heavily. In the case of Carter Hayes from the advertising department, he was particularly impressed by the man's efficiency and leaned heavily on him for all the details of that work, only inspecting his procedures and advising him in challenging situations. Carter appreciated this, as he was egotistical to the core, but it didn't foster a sense of loyalty in him. He saw Eugene as someone who had risen by some twist of fate, not someone who was truly an advertising professional at heart. He hoped that someday circumstances would allow him to become the actual advertising manager, dealing directly with Colfax and White, whom he viewed as Eugene's superiors because of their greater financial stake in the business and whom he planned to win over. Others in different departments shared the same sentiment.
The one great difficulty with Eugene was that he had no great power of commanding the loyalty of his assistants. He had the power of inspiring them—of giving them ideas which would be helpful to themselves—but these they used, as a rule, merely to further their own interests, to cause them to advance to a point where they deemed themselves beyond him. Because in his manner he was not hard, distant, bitter, he was considered, as a rule, rather easy. The men whom he employed, and he had talent for picking men of very exceptional ability, sometimes [Pg 483] much greater than his own in their particular specialties, looked upon him not so much as a superior after a time, as someone who was in their path and to whose shoes they might properly aspire. He seemed so good natured about the whole work—so easy going. Now and then he took the trouble to tell a man that he was getting too officious, but in the main he did not care much. Things were going smoothly, the magazines were improving, the advertising and circulation departments were showing marked gains, and altogether his life seemed to have blossomed out into comparative perfection. There were storms and daily difficulties, but they were not serious. Colfax advised with him genially when he was in doubt, and White pretended a friendship which he did not feel.
The main challenge with Eugene was that he couldn’t really command the loyalty of his team. He could inspire them and give them ideas that would benefit them, but usually, they just used those ideas to push their own agendas and get ahead of him. Because he wasn’t hard, distant, or bitter, people often saw him as pretty easygoing. The men he hired, who were exceptionally talented—sometimes even more so than he was in their specific areas—eventually viewed him not so much as a boss but as someone in their way, someone they thought they could surpass. He seemed very relaxed about the work—so laid-back. Occasionally, he would remind someone that they were being too pushy, but mostly he didn’t mind much. Things were going well, the magazines were improving, and the advertising and circulation departments were showing real progress, so his life seemed to be going quite well overall. There were challenges and daily issues, but nothing too serious. Colfax would casually consult him when he was unsure, and White pretended to be friendly, even though he wasn’t.
CHAPTER XLIII
The trouble with this situation was that it involved more power, comfort, ease and luxury than Eugene had ever experienced before, and made him a sort of oriental potentate not only among his large company of assistants but in his own home. Angela, who had been watching his career all these years with curiosity, began to conceive of him at last as a genius in every respect—destined to some great pre-eminence, in art or finance or the publishing world or all three. She did not relax her attitude in regard to his conduct, being more convinced than ever that to achieve the dizzy eminence to which he was now so rapidly ascending, he must be more circumspect than ever. People were watching him so closely now. They were so obsequious to him, but still so dangerous. A man in his position must be so careful how he dressed, talked, walked.
The issue with this situation was that it had more power, comfort, ease, and luxury than Eugene had ever experienced before, making him a kind of Eastern ruler not only among his large group of assistants but also in his own home. Angela, who had been following his career all these years with interest, started to see him as a genius in every way—destined for greatness in art, finance, publishing, or all three. She didn’t change her stance regarding his behavior, firmly believing that to reach the dizzy height he was quickly climbing, he needed to be more cautious than ever. People were watching him closely now. They were very sycophantic towards him but still posed a threat. A man in his position had to be careful about how he dressed, spoke, and walked.
"Don't make so much fuss," he used to say to her. "For heaven's sake, let me alone!" This merely produced more quarrels, for Angela was determined to regulate him in spite of his wishes and in his best interests.
"Don't make such a big deal," he would say to her. "For heaven's sake, just leave me alone!" This only led to more arguments, as Angela was determined to control him despite his wishes and what was best for him.
Grave men and women in various walks of life—art, literature, philanthropy, trade, began to seek him out, because in the first place he had an understanding mind and because in the next place, which was much more important, he had something to give. There are always those in all walks of life who are seeking something through those avenues which a successful person represents, whatever they may be, and these together with those others who are always intensely eager to bask in the reflected glory of a rising luminary, make a retinue for every successful man. Eugene had his retinue, men and women of his own station or beneath it, who would eagerly shake his hand with an "Oh, yes, indeed. Managing Publisher of the United Magazines Corporation! Oh, yes, yes!" Women particularly were prone to smile, showing him even white teeth and regretting that all good looking and successful men were married.
Serious men and women from different fields—art, literature, charity, business—started seeking him out. First, because he was understanding, and more importantly, because he had something valuable to offer. There are always people from every background looking for something through the success that a person represents, whatever that might be. Along with those who are eager to soak up the spotlight of a rising star, this makes a following for every successful individual. Eugene had his followers, men and women from his own social level or even below, who would enthusiastically shake his hand, saying, "Oh, yes, of course! Managing Publisher of the United Magazines Corporation! Oh, absolutely!" Women, in particular, would smile, showing off their white teeth, lamenting that all attractive and successful men were already taken.
In July following his coming from Philadelphia the United Magazines Corporation moved into its new building, and then he was installed into the most imposing office of his career. A subtle assistant, wishing to ingratiate the staff in Eugene's good graces, suggested that a collection be taken up for flowers. [Pg 485] His room, which was done in white, blue and gold with rose wood furniture, to set it apart from the prevailing decorative scheme and so make it more impressive, was scattered with great bouquets of roses, sweet peas and pinks, in beautiful and ornate vases of different colors, countries and schools. His great rosewood flat-topped desk, covered with a thick, plate glass through which the polished wood shone brightly, was decorated with flowers. On the morning of his entry he held an impromptu reception, on which occasion he was visited by Colfax and White, who after going to look at their new rooms, came to his. A general reception which followed some three weeks later, and in which the successful representatives of various walks of life in the metropolis took part, drew to the building a great crowd, artists, writers, editors, publishers, authors and advertising men who saw him in all his glory. On this occasion, Eugene, with White and Colfax did the receiving. He was admired at a distance by striplings who wondered how he had ever accomplished such great results. His rise had been so meteoric. It seemed so impossible that a man who had started as an artist should change and become a dominant factor in literature and art from a publishing point of view.
In July, after he arrived from Philadelphia, the United Magazines Corporation moved into its new building, and he was placed in the most impressive office of his career. A thoughtful assistant, hoping to win the staff over to Eugene, suggested collecting money for flowers. [Pg 485] His office, decorated in white, blue, and gold with rosewood furniture to stand out from the existing decor and make a stronger impression, was filled with large bouquets of roses, sweet peas, and pinks in beautiful, ornate vases of various colors and styles. His grand rosewood flat-topped desk, covered with thick plate glass that reflected the polished wood brightly, was adorned with flowers. On the morning of his arrival, he hosted an impromptu reception, during which Colfax and White visited him after checking out their new offices. A general reception that took place about three weeks later, featuring successful representatives from diverse fields in the city, attracted a large crowd of artists, writers, editors, publishers, authors, and advertising professionals who admired him in all his glory. During this event, Eugene, along with White and Colfax, received the guests. Young onlookers admired him from a distance, questioning how he achieved such remarkable success. His rise had been so rapid. It seemed so unlikely that a man who started as an artist could transform into a major influence in literature and art from a publishing perspective.
In his own home his surroundings were equally showy; he was as much a figure as he was in his office. When he was alone with Angela, which was not so often, for naturally they did a great deal of entertaining, he was a figure even to her. Long ago she had come to think of him as someone who would some day dominate in the art world; but to see him an imposing factor in the city's commercial life, its principal publishers' representative, having a valet and an automobile, riding freely in cabs, lunching at the most exclusive restaurants and clubs, and associating constantly with someone who was of importance, was a different matter.
In his own home, his surroundings were just as flashy; he was just as much a presence there as he was at his office. When he was alone with Angela, which didn't happen often since they entertained a lot, he was still a big deal even to her. Long ago, she had started to think of him as someone who would one day take charge in the art world; but seeing him as a significant player in the city's business scene, as the main representative for its leading publishers, with a valet and a car, freely taking cabs, having lunch at the most exclusive restaurants and clubs, and constantly hanging out with important people was something else entirely.
She was no longer so sure of herself with him, not so certain of her power to control him. They quarreled over little things, but she was not so ready to begin these quarrels. He seemed changed now and deeper still. She was afraid, even yet, that he might make a mistake and lose it all, that the forces of ill will, envy and jealousy which were everywhere apparent in life, and which blow about so easily like gusts of wind, would work him harm. Eugene was apparently at ease, though he was troubled at times for his own safety, when he thought of it, for he had no stock in the company, and was as beholden to Colfax as any hall boy, but he did not see how he could easily be dispensed with. He was making good.
She wasn't as confident with him anymore, not as sure of her ability to control him. They argued over small things, but she wasn't as eager to start those arguments. He seemed different now, deeper in a way. She still worried that he might mess up and lose everything, that the negative forces of bad feelings, envy, and jealousy, which were so evident in life and could swirl around like sudden gusts of wind, would bring him harm. Eugene seemed relaxed on the surface, but he occasionally felt anxious about his own safety when he thought about it, since he had no stake in the company and depended on Colfax as much as any hall boy, yet he didn’t understand how easily he could be replaced. He was doing well.
[Pg 486] Colfax was friendly to him. He was surprised at times to see how badly the manufacturing arrangements could go awry, affecting his dates of issue, but White invariably had a good excuse. Colfax took him to his house in the country, his lodge in the mountains, on short yachting and fishing trips, for he liked to talk to him, but he rarely if ever invited Angela. He did not seem to think it was necessary to do this, and Eugene was afraid to impress the slight upon his attention, much as he dreaded the thoughts which Angela must be thinking. It was Eugene here and Eugene there, with constant calls of "where are you, old man?" from Colfax, who appeared not to want to be away from him.
[Pg 486] Colfax was friendly towards him. He was sometimes surprised by how badly the manufacturing plans could go wrong, impacting his release dates, but White always had a solid excuse. Colfax took him to his home in the country, his lodge in the mountains, and on quick yachting and fishing trips because he enjoyed talking to him; however, he rarely, if ever, invited Angela. He didn't seem to think it was necessary, and Eugene was hesitant to point out the slight, even though he dreaded the thoughts that Angela must have been having. It was Eugene here and Eugene there, with constant calls of "Where are you, old man?" from Colfax, who seemed unwilling to be apart from him.
"Well, old man," he would say, looking him over much as one might a blood horse or a pedigree dog, "you're getting on. This new job agrees with you. You didn't look like that when you came to me," and he would feel the latest suit Eugene might be wearing, or comment on some pin or tie he had on, or tell him that his shoes were not as good as he could really get, if he wanted to be perfect in dress. Colfax was for grooming his new prize much as one might groom a blood horse, and he was always telling Eugene little details of social life, the right things to do, the right places to be seen, the right places to go, as though Eugene knew little or nothing.
"Well, old man," he would say, checking him out like someone would a racehorse or a purebred dog, "you're getting up there in age. This new job suits you. You didn't look like that when you came to me," and he would touch the latest suit Eugene was wearing, comment on some pin or tie he had on, or mention that his shoes weren't as good as they could be if he wanted to be perfect in his outfit. Colfax was all about polishing his new prize, just like grooming a racehorse, and he was always giving Eugene tips on social life, the right things to do, the best places to be seen, and where to go, as if Eugene knew very little or nothing at all.
"Now when we go down to Mrs. Savage's Friday afternoon, you get a Truxton Portmanteau. Have you seen them? Well, there's the thing. Got a London coat? Well, you ought to have one. Those servants down there go through your things and they size you up accordingly. Nothing less than two dollars each goes, and five dollars to the butler, remember that."
"Now, when we head over to Mrs. Savage's on Friday afternoon, you'll get a Truxton Portmanteau. Have you seen them? Well, that's the thing. Do you have a London coat? You really should have one. The staff there goes through your belongings and judges you based on that. Nothing less than two dollars each is acceptable, and don't forget to give five dollars to the butler."
He assumed and insisted after a fashion which Eugene resented quite as much as he did his persistent ignoring of Angela, but he did not dare comment on it. He could see that Colfax was variable, that he could hate as well as love, and that he rarely took any intermediate ground. Eugene was his favorite now.
He took it for granted and insisted in a way that Eugene resented just as much as Colfax's constant disregard for Angela, but he didn’t dare say anything about it. He could tell that Colfax was unpredictable, that he was capable of both hate and love, and that he rarely found any middle ground. Eugene was his favorite at the moment.
"I'll send my car around for you at two Friday," he would say, as though Eugene did not keep a car, when he was planning one of his week-end excursions. "You be ready."
"I'll send my car to pick you up at two on Friday," he would say, as if Eugene didn't own a car, when he was organizing one of his weekend trips. "Make sure you're ready."
At two, on that day, Colfax's big blue touring car would come speeding up to the entrance of the apartment house and Eugene's valet would carry down his bags, golf sticks, tennis racket and the various paraphernalia that go with a week-end's entertainment, and off the car would roll. At times Angela would be left behind, at times taken, when Eugene could arrange it; [Pg 487] but he found that he had to be tactful and accede to Colfax's indifference mostly. Eugene would always explain to her how it was. He was sorry for her in a way, and yet he felt there was some justice in the distinction. She was not exactly suited to that topmost world in which he was now beginning to move. These people were colder, sharper, shrewder, than Angela. They had more of that intense sophistication of manner and experience than she could achieve. As a matter of fact, Angela had as much grace and more than many of the four hundred, but she did lack that quickness of wit or that shallow self-sufficiency and assurance which are the almost invariable traits of those who shine as members of the smart set. Eugene was able to assume this manner whether he felt it or not.
At two o'clock that day, Colfax's big blue touring car would speed up to the entrance of the apartment building, and Eugene's valet would carry down his bags, golf clubs, tennis racket, and all the other stuff that comes with a weekend of fun. Then the car would drive off. Sometimes Angela would be left behind, sometimes taken along, whenever Eugene could manage it; [Pg 487] but he realized he needed to be tactful and often go along with Colfax's indifference. Eugene would always explain things to her. He felt a bit sorry for her, but he also thought there was some fairness in the difference. She wasn't exactly suited for the upper-class world he was just starting to enter. The people in that circle were colder, sharper, and more cunning than Angela. They had a level of sophistication in their manner and experience that she couldn't quite reach. In reality, Angela had as much grace, if not more, than many in the exclusive four hundred, but she lacked that quick wit and that shallow self-sufficiency and confidence that are almost always found in those who thrive in the elite social scene. Eugene was able to project that demeanor whether he truly felt it or not.
"Oh, that's all right," she would say, "as long as you're doing it for business reasons."
"Oh, that's fine," she would say, "as long as you're doing it for business purposes."
She resented it nevertheless, bitterly, for it seemed such an uncalled for slur. Colfax had no compunctions in adjusting his companionship to suit his moods. He thought Eugene was well suited to this high life. He thought Angela was not. He made the distinction roughly and went his way.
She bitterly resented it because it felt like such an unnecessary insult. Colfax had no qualms about changing his friendships based on his moods. He believed Eugene was suited for this glamorous lifestyle. He thought Angela was not. He made that distinction casually and moved on.
It was in this manner that Eugene learned a curious fact about the social world, and that was that frequently in these highest circles a man would be received where his wife would not and vice versa, and that nothing very much was thought of it, if it could be managed.
It was in this way that Eugene discovered an interesting truth about social dynamics: often in these elite circles, a man would be welcomed where his wife wouldn't be, and the same went for women, and that it wasn't considered a big deal as long as it could be arranged.
"Oh, is that Birkwood," he heard a young swell once remark, concerning an individual in Philadelphia. "Why do they let him in? His wife is charming, but he won't do," and once in New York he heard a daughter ask her mother, of a certain wife who was announced—her husband being at the same table—"who invited her?"
"Oh, is that Birkwood," he heard a young guy once say about someone in Philadelphia. "Why do they let him in? His wife is lovely, but he doesn’t belong," and once in New York, he heard a daughter ask her mother about a certain woman who was announced—her husband sitting at the same table—"who invited her?"
"I'm sure I don't know," replied her mother; "I didn't. She must have come of her own accord."
"I'm not really sure," her mother replied. "I didn't invite her. She must have come on her own."
"She certainly has her nerve with her," replied the daughter—and when the wife entered Eugene could see why. She was not good looking and not harmoniously and tastefully dressed. It gave Eugene a shock, but in a way he could understand. There were no such grounds of complaint against Angela. She was attractive and shapely. Her one weakness was that she lacked the blasé social air. It was too bad, he thought.
"She really has some nerve," the daughter said—and when the wife came in, Eugene understood why. She wasn't good-looking and her outfit wasn't stylish or coordinated. It surprised Eugene, but in a way, it made sense. There were no complaints to be made about Angela. She was attractive and had a nice figure. Her only flaw was that she didn't have that cool, world-weary vibe. It was a shame, he thought.
In his own home and circle, however, he thought to make up for this by a series of entertainments which grew more and more elaborate as time went on. At first when he came back from Philadelphia it consisted of a few people in to dinner, [Pg 488] old friends, for he was not quite sure of himself and did not know how many would come to share his new honors with him. Eugene had never got over his love for those he had known in his youth. He was not snobbish. It was true that now he was taking naturally to prosperous people, but the little ones, the old-time ones, he liked for old lang syne's sake as well as for themselves. Many came to borrow money, for he had associated with many ne'er do wells in his time, but many more were attracted by his fame.
In his own home and social circles, he aimed to compensate for this by hosting a series of increasingly elaborate gatherings over time. When he first returned from Philadelphia, it began with just a few people for dinner, old friends, as he wasn't entirely confident about himself and wasn't sure how many would come to celebrate his new success with him. Eugene never lost his fondness for those he had known in his youth. He wasn't snobbish—it was true that he was naturally gravitating towards more successful people now, but he appreciated the old friends, the ones from back in the day, both for nostalgia and for who they were. Many came to ask for loans because he had mingled with quite a few irresponsible people in his past, but even more were drawn by his newfound fame.
Eugene knew intimately and pleasantly most of the artistic and intellectual figures of his day. In his home and at his table there appeared artists, publishers, grand opera stars, actors and playwrights. His large salary, for one thing, his beautiful apartment and its location, his magnificent office and his friendly manner all conspired to assist him. It was his self-conscious boast that he had not changed. He liked nice people, simple people, natural people he said, for these were the really great ones, but he could not see how far he had come in class selection. Now he naturally gravitated to the wealthy, the reputed, the beautiful, the strong and able, for no others interested him. He hardly saw them. If he did it was to pity or give alms.
Eugene was well-acquainted with and enjoyed the company of most of the artistic and intellectual figures of his time. At his home and table, you'd find artists, publishers, stars of grand opera, actors, and playwrights. His high salary, along with his beautiful apartment and its prime location, his impressive office, and his friendly demeanor all helped him fit in. He often proudly claimed that he hadn’t changed. He preferred nice, down-to-earth people, as he believed they were truly great, but he didn't realize how much his social circle had changed. Now, he naturally gravitated towards the wealthy, the prestigious, the attractive, the strong, and the capable, as they were the only ones who caught his interest. He hardly acknowledged others. If he did, it was out of pity or to offer charity.
It is difficult to indicate to those who have never come out of poverty into luxury, or out of comparative uncouthness into refinement, the veil or spell which the latter comes eventually to cast over the inexperienced mind, coloring the world anew. Life is apparently striving, constantly, to perfect its illusions and to create spells. There are, as a matter of fact, nothing but these outside that ultimate substance or principle which underlies it all. To those who have come out of inharmony, harmony is a spell, and to those who have come out of poverty, luxury is a dream of delight. Eugene, being primarily a lover of beauty, keenly responsive to all those subtleties of perfection and arrangement which ingenuity can devise, was taken vastly by the nature of this greater world into which, step by step apparently, he was almost insensibly passing. Each new fact which met his eye or soothed his sensibilities was quickly adjusted to all that had gone before. It seemed to him as though all his life he had naturally belonged to this perfect world of which country houses, city mansions, city and country clubs, expensive hotels and inns, cars, resorts, beautiful women, affected manners, subtlety of appreciation and perfection of appointment generally were the inherent concomitants. This was the true heaven—that material and spiritual perfection on earth, of which the world was dreaming and to which, out of toil, disorder, shabby [Pg 489] ideas, mixed opinions, non-understanding and all the ill to which the flesh is heir, it was constantly aspiring.
It’s hard to explain to those who have never moved from poverty to wealth, or from awkwardness to sophistication, the illusion or enchantment that the latter eventually casts over an inexperienced mind, reshaping their view of the world. Life seems to be constantly trying to perfect its illusions and create enchantments. In fact, there’s nothing but these, aside from that ultimate essence or principle that underlies everything. For those who have transitioned from chaos, harmony feels like magic, and for those who have come out of poverty, luxury is a delightful dream. Eugene, who primarily loved beauty and was highly attuned to all the nuances of perfection and design that creativity could offer, was deeply captivated by the nature of this larger world into which he appeared to be gradually and imperceptibly moving. Each new detail that caught his eye or pleased his senses was quickly integrated with everything he had experienced before. It felt to him as though he had always belonged to this perfect world, where country houses, city mansions, clubs, pricey hotels, cars, resorts, beautiful women, refined manners, discerning appreciation, and overall perfection were natural companions. This was the true paradise—this blend of material and spiritual perfection on Earth, which the world dreams of and to which it constantly aspires, emerging from labor, chaos, shabby ideas, mixed opinions, misunderstandings, and all the struggles of the human condition.
Here was no sickness, no weariness apparently, no ill health or untoward circumstances. All the troubles, disorders and imperfections of existence were here carefully swept aside and one saw only the niceness, the health and strength of being. He was more and more impressed as he came farther and farther along in the scale of comfort, with the force and eagerness with which life seems to minister to the luxury-love of the human mind. He learned of so many, to him, lovely things, large, wellkept, magnificent country places, scenes of exquisite beauty where country clubs, hotels, seaside resorts of all descriptions had been placed. He found sport, amusement, exercise, to be tremendously well organized and that there were thousands of people who were practically devoting their lives to this. Such a state of social ease was not for him yet, but he could sit at the pleasures, so amply spread, between his hours of work and dream of the time to come when possibly he might do nothing at all. Yachting, motoring, golfing, fishing, hunting, riding, playing tennis and polo, there were experts in all these fields he found. Card playing, dancing, dining, lounging, these seemed to occupy many people's days constantly. He could only look in upon it all as upon a passing show, but that was better than nothing. It was more than he had ever done before. He was beginning to see clearly how the world was organized, how far were its reaches of wealth, its depths of poverty. From the lowest beggar to the topmost scene—what a distance!
There was no sickness, no apparent fatigue, no poor health or unexpected difficulties. All the troubles, chaos, and flaws of life were carefully pushed aside, and one could only see the comfort, health, and vitality of existence. He became increasingly impressed as he progressed further into this world of comfort, with the strength and enthusiasm with which life seemed to cater to the luxury-seeking tendencies of the human mind. He discovered so many beautiful things—large, well-kept, magnificent country estates, scenes of stunning beauty where country clubs, hotels, and seaside resorts of all kinds existed. He found that sports, entertainment, and exercise were exceptionally well organized, and there were thousands of people who were basically dedicating their lives to this lifestyle. Such a state of social ease wasn't yet for him, but he could indulge in the pleasures that were abundantly available during his work breaks and dream of a time when he might do nothing at all. He encountered experts in yachting, motoring, golfing, fishing, hunting, riding, tennis, and polo. Card playing, dancing, dining, and lounging appeared to fill many people's days continuously. He could only observe it all as if it were a fleeting spectacle, but that was still better than nothing. It was more than he had ever experienced before. He was starting to see clearly how the world was structured, how vast its wealth was, and how deep its poverty ran. From the lowest beggar to the highest echelon—what a difference!
Angela scarcely kept pace with him in all these mental peregrinations. It was true that now she went to the best dressmakers only, bought charming hats, the most expensive shoes, rode in cabs and her husband's auto, but she did not feel about it as he did. It seemed very much like a dream to her—like something that had come so suddenly and so exuberantly that it could not be permanent. There was running in her mind all the time that Eugene was neither a publisher, nor an editor, nor a financier at heart, but an artist and that an artist he would remain. He might attain great fame and make much money out of his adopted profession, but some day in all likelihood he would leave it and return to art. He seemed to be making sound investments—at least, they seemed sound to her, and their stocks and bank accounts, principally convertible stocks, seemed a safe enough margin for the future to guarantee peace of mind, but they were not saving so much, after all. It was costing them something over eight thousand dollars a year to live, and their [Pg 490] expenses were constantly growing larger rather than smaller. Eugene appeared to become more and more extravagant.
Angela barely kept up with him amid all these mental wanderings. It was true that now she only went to the best dressmakers, bought beautiful hats, the most expensive shoes, rode in cabs and her husband’s car, but she didn’t feel about it the way he did. It felt very much like a dream to her—like something that had come so suddenly and so vibrantly that it couldn’t last. There was always this thought in her mind that Eugene was neither a publisher, nor an editor, nor a financier at heart, but an artist, and that’s what he would always be. He might achieve great fame and make a lot of money from his chosen profession, but someday, most likely, he would leave it and go back to art. He seemed to be making smart investments—at least, they seemed smart to her, and their stocks and bank accounts, mainly convertible stocks, seemed to provide a safe enough cushion for the future to ensure peace of mind, but they weren’t saving that much, after all. It was costing them over eight thousand dollars a year to live, and their [Pg 490] expenses were continuously increasing rather than decreasing. Eugene appeared to be getting more and more extravagant.
"I think we are doing too much entertaining," Angela had once protested, but he waived the complaint aside. "I can't do what I'm doing and not entertain. It's building me up. People in our position have to." He threw open the doors finally to really remarkable crowds and most of the cleverest people in all walks of life—the really exceptionally clever—came to eat his meals, to drink his wines, to envy his comfort and wish they were in his shoes.
"I think we’re socializing too much," Angela had once complained, but he brushed off the concern. "I can't do what I'm doing without entertaining. It's good for me. People like us have to." He finally opened the doors to truly impressive crowds, and many of the smartest people from all different backgrounds came to enjoy his meals, drink his wines, envy his comfort, and wish they were in his position.
During all this time Eugene and Angela instead of growing closer together, were really growing farther and farther apart. She had never either forgotten or utterly forgiven that one terrific lapse, and she had never believed that Eugene was utterly cured of his hedonistic tendencies. Crowds of beautiful women came to Angela's teas, lunches and their joint evening parties and receptions. Under Eugene's direction they got together interesting programmes, for it was no trouble now for him to command musical, theatrical, literary and artistic talent. He knew men and women who could make rapid charcoal or crayon sketches of people, could do feats in legerdemain, and character representation, could sing, dance, play, recite and tell humorous stories in a droll and off-hand way. He insisted that only exceptionally beautiful women be invited, for he did not care to look at the homely ones, and curiously he found dozens, who were not only extremely beautiful, but singers, dancers, composers, authors, actors and playwrights in the bargain. Nearly all of them were brilliant conversationalists and they helped to entertain themselves—made their own entertainment, in fact. His table very frequently was a glittering spectacle. One of his "Stunts" as he called it was to bundle fifteen or twenty people into three or four automobiles after they had lingered in his rooms until three o'clock in the morning and motor out to some out-of-town inn for breakfast and "to see the sun rise." A small matter like a bill for $75.00 for auto hire or thirty-five dollars for a crowd for breakfast did not trouble him. It was a glorious sensation to draw forth his purse and remove four or five or six yellow backed ten dollar bills, knowing that it made little real difference. More money was coming to him from the same source. He could send down to the cashier at any time and draw from five hundred to a thousand dollars. He always had from one hundred and fifty to three hundred dollars in his purse in denominations of five, ten and twenty dollar bills. He carried a small check book and most frequently paid by check. He [Pg 491] liked to assume that he was known and frequently imposed this assumption on others.
During this time, instead of getting closer, Eugene and Angela were actually drifting further apart. Angela had never completely forgotten or forgiven that major mistake, and she never truly believed that Eugene had completely changed his hedonistic ways. A host of beautiful women attended Angela's teas, lunches, and their combined evening parties and receptions. Under Eugene's guidance, they organized engaging programs, as it was now easy for him to gather musical, theatrical, literary, and artistic talent. He knew people who could quickly sketch with charcoal or crayons, perform magic tricks, impersonate characters, sing, dance, act, recite, and tell funny stories in a casual way. He insisted on inviting only exceptionally beautiful women, as he wasn't interested in looking at the less attractive ones, and interestingly, he found plenty of women who were not only stunning but also singers, dancers, composers, authors, actors, and playwrights. Almost all of them were great conversationalists and managed to entertain themselves—essentially creating their own entertainment. His table was often a dazzling sight. One of his "Stunts," as he called it, was to cram fifteen or twenty people into three or four cars after they had hung out in his place until three in the morning, then drive out to some inn for breakfast and to "see the sunrise." A small expense like a $75 bill for car rental or $35 for breakfast for a group didn’t concern him. It felt fantastic to pull out his wallet and take out four, five, or six ten-dollar bills, knowing it hardly mattered. More money was on the way from the same source. He could send the cashier a message anytime and withdraw between five hundred to a thousand dollars. He typically carried between one hundred fifty to three hundred dollars in his wallet in five, ten, and twenty dollar bills. He also carried a small checkbook and usually paid by check. He liked to think of himself as someone well-known and often pushed this belief onto others.
"Eugene Witla! Eugene Witla! George! he's a nice fellow,"—or "it's remarkable how he has come up, isn't it?" "I was at the Witlas' the other night. Did you ever see such a beautiful apartment? It's perfect! That view!"
"Eugene Witla! Eugene Witla! George! he's a great guy,"—or "it's amazing how far he's come, right? I was at the Witlas' place the other night. Have you ever seen such a stunning apartment? It's flawless! That view!"
People commented on the interesting people he entertained, the clever people you met there, the beautiful women, the beautiful view. "And Mrs. Witla is so charming."
People talked about the fascinating people he hosted, the smart individuals you encountered there, the stunning women, the gorgeous view. "And Mrs. Witla is so charming."
But down at the bottom of all this talk there was also much envy and disparagement and never much enthusiasm for the personality of Mrs. Witla. She was not as brilliant as Eugene—or rather the comment was divided. Those who liked clever people, show, wit, brilliance, ease, liked Eugene and not Angela quite so much. Those who liked sedateness, solidity, sincerity, the commoner virtues of faithfulness and effort, admired Angela. All saw that she was a faithful handmaiden to her husband, that she adored the ground he walked on.
But underneath all this chatter, there was a lot of envy and criticism, and not much excitement about Mrs. Witla's personality. She wasn't as impressive as Eugene—though opinions were split. Those who appreciated intelligence, flair, wit, and charm preferred Eugene, while Angela didn't win them over as much. Meanwhile, those who valued calmness, reliability, sincerity, and the everyday virtues of loyalty and hard work admired Angela. Everyone recognized that she was a devoted wife, completely in awe of her husband.
"Such a nice little woman—so homelike. It's curious that he should have married her, though, isn't it? They are so different. And yet they appear to have lots of things in common, too. It's strange—isn't it?"
"Such a nice little woman—so cozy. It's interesting that he married her, though, right? They’re so different. And yet they seem to have a lot in common, too. It's weird—don't you think?"
CHAPTER XLIV
It was in the course of his final upward progress that Eugene came once more into contact with Kenyon C. Winfield, Ex-State Senator of New York, President of the Long Island Realty Company, land developer, real estate plunger, financier, artist, what not—a man very much of Eugene's own type and temperament, who at this time was doing rather remarkable things in a land speculative way. Winfield was tall and thin, black haired, black eyed, slightly but not offensively hook nosed, dignified, gracious, intellectual, magnetic, optimistic. He was forty-eight years of age. Winfield was a very fair sample of your man of the world who has ideas, dreams, fancies, executive ability, a certain amount of reserve and judgment, sufficient to hold his own in this very complicated mortal struggle. He was not really a great man, but he was so near it that he gave the impression to many of being so. His deep sunken black eyes burned with a peculiar lustre, one might almost have fancied a tint of red in them. His pale, slightly sunken face had some of the characteristics of your polished Mephisto, though not too many. He was not at all devilish looking in the true sense of the word, but keen, subtle, artistic. His method was to ingratiate himself with men who had money in order to get from them the vast sums which he found it necessary to borrow to carry out the schemes or rather dreams he was constantly generating. His fancies were always too big for his purse, but he had such lovely fancies that it was a joy to work with them and him.
It was during his final ascent that Eugene came into contact again with Kenyon C. Winfield, former State Senator of New York, President of the Long Island Realty Company, land developer, real estate investor, financier, artist, and more—a man very much like Eugene in both type and temperament, who was at that time achieving quite remarkable things in land speculation. Winfield was tall and thin, with black hair, black eyes, a slightly hooked nose—though not off-putting—dignified, gracious, intellectual, magnetic, and optimistic. He was forty-eight years old. Winfield was a good example of a worldly man with ideas, dreams, ambitions, execution skills, and a certain amount of restraint and judgment, enough to hold his own in this complex human struggle. He wasn’t truly a great man, but he was close enough that many regarded him as such. His deep-set black eyes shone with a unique intensity, almost hinting at a touch of red. His pale, slightly hollow face had some of the features of a polished Mephisto, though not too many. He didn't look devilish in the traditional sense, but rather sharp, subtle, and artistic. His approach was to charm wealthy men to secure the large sums he needed to bring his schemes, or rather dreams, to life. His ideas were always too grand for his budget, but they were so beautiful that it was a pleasure to work on them with him.
Primarily Winfield was a real estate speculator, secondarily he was a dreamer of dreams and seer of visions. His visions consisted of lovely country areas near some city stocked with charming country houses, cut up with well paved, tree shaded roads, provided with sewers, gas, electricity, suitable railway service, street cars and all the comforts of a well organized living district which should be at once retired, exclusive, pleasing, conservative and yet bound up tightly with the great Metropolitan heart of New York which he so greatly admired. Winfield had been born and raised in Brooklyn. He had been a politician, orator, insurance dealer, contractor, and so on. He had succeeded in organizing various suburban estates—Winfield, Sunnyside, Ruritania, The Beeches—little forty, fifty, one hundred and [Pg 493] two hundred acre flats which with the help of "O. P. M." as he always called other people's money he had divided off into blocks, laying out charmingly with trees and sometimes a strip of green grass running down the centre, concrete sidewalks, a set of noble restrictions, and so forth. Anyone who ever came to look at a lot in one of Winfield's perfect suburbs always found the choicest piece of property in the centre of this latest burst of improvement set aside for the magnificent house which Mr. Kenyon C. Winfield, the president of the company, was to build and live in. Needless to say they were never built. He had been round the world and seen a great many things and places, but Winfield or Sunnyside or Ruritania or The Beeches, so the lot buyers in these places were told, had been finally selected by him deliberately as the one spot in all the world in which he hoped to spend the remainder of his days.
Primarily, Winfield was a real estate developer, and secondarily, he was a dreamer with big ideas and visions. His visions included beautiful countryside near cities filled with lovely houses, connected by well-paved, tree-lined roads, and equipped with sewers, gas, electricity, good rail service, streetcars, and all the comforts of a well-organized community that was both secluded and exclusive, appealing yet traditional, all while being closely tied to the vibrant heart of New York, which he admired so much. Winfield was born and raised in Brooklyn. He had been a politician, speaker, insurance agent, contractor, and more. He had successfully organized various suburban developments—Winfield, Sunnyside, Ruritania, The Beeches—small plots of land ranging from forty to two hundred acres that, with the help of "O.P.M.," as he called other people's money, he subdivided into blocks, designing them nicely with trees and sometimes a green strip in the middle, concrete sidewalks, and a set of solid restrictions, among other things. Anyone who came to check out a lot in one of Winfield's ideal suburbs always found the best piece of property in the center of his latest project reserved for the grand house that Mr. Kenyon C. Winfield, the president of the company, was supposed to build and live in. Needless to say, those houses were never built. He had traveled around the world and seen many things and places, but he told the lot buyers in these developments that Winfield, Sunnyside, Ruritania, or The Beeches were the spots he had carefully chosen as the ideal place where he hoped to spend the rest of his days.
At the time Eugene met him, he was planning Minetta Water on the shores of Gravesend Bay, which was the most ambitious of all his projects so far. He was being followed financially, by a certain number of Brooklyn politicians and financiers who had seen him succeed in small things, taking a profit of from three to four hundred per cent, out of ten, twenty and thirty acre flats, but for all his brilliance it had been slow work. He was now worth between three and four hundred thousand dollars and, for the first time in his life, was beginning to feel that freedom in financial matters which made him think that he could do almost anything. He had met all sorts of people, lawyers, bankers, doctors, merchants, the "easy classes" he called them, all with a little money to invest, and he had succeeded in luring hundreds of worth-while people into his projects. His great dreams had never really been realized, however, for he saw visions of a great warehouse and shipping system to be established on Jamaica Bay, out of which he was to make millions, if it ever came to pass, and also a magnificent summer resort of some kind, somewhere, which was not yet clearly evolved in his mind. His ads were scattered freely through the newspapers: his signs, or rather the signs of his towns, scattered broadcast over Long Island.
At the time Eugene met him, he was working on Minetta Water along the shores of Gravesend Bay, which was the most ambitious project he'd attempted so far. He had the financial backing of several Brooklyn politicians and financiers who had noticed his success in smaller ventures, raking in profits of three to four hundred percent from ten, twenty, and thirty-acre developments. Despite his skills, progress had been slow. He was now worth between three and four hundred thousand dollars and, for the first time in his life, he was beginning to feel a sense of financial freedom that made him believe he could accomplish almost anything. He had met various people, including lawyers, bankers, doctors, and merchants—what he casually referred to as the "easy classes"—all of whom had a bit of money to invest, and he had managed to attract hundreds of valuable people into his projects. However, his grand visions had never fully materialized; he dreamed of creating a large warehouse and shipping system on Jamaica Bay, from which he hoped to make millions, if it ever happened, along with a stunning summer resort of some kind that was still only a vague idea in his mind. His advertisements were widely spread through newspapers, and the signs for his developments dotted Long Island.
Eugene had met him first when he was working with the Summerfield Company, but he met him this time quite anew at the home of the W. W. Willebrand on the North Shore of Long Island near Hempstead. He had gone down there one Saturday afternoon at the invitation of Mrs. Willebrand, whom he had met at another house party and with whom he had danced. She had been pleased with his gay, vivacious manner and had asked [Pg 494] him if he wouldn't come. Winfield was here as a guest with his automobile.
Eugene had first met him while working at the Summerfield Company, but this time he met him again at the home of W. W. Willebrand on the North Shore of Long Island near Hempstead. He had gone there one Saturday afternoon at the invitation of Mrs. Willebrand, whom he had met at another party and with whom he had danced. She had liked his cheerful, lively personality and had asked him to come. Winfield was there as a guest, having arrived in his car.
"Oh, yes," said Winfield pleasantly. "I recall you very well. You are now with the United Magazines Corporation,—I understand—someone was telling me—a most prosperous company, I believe. I know Mr. Colfax very well. I once spoke to Summerfield about you. A most astonishing fellow, that, tremendously able. You were doing that series of sugar plantation ads for them or having them done. I think I copied the spirit of those things in advertising Ruritania, as you may have noticed. Well, you certainly have improved your condition since then. I once tried to tell Summerfield that he had an exceptional man in you, but he would have nothing of it. He's too much of an egoist. He doesn't know how to work with a man on equal terms."
"Oh, yes," Winfield said pleasantly. "I remember you quite well. You're with the United Magazines Corporation now, right? Someone was saying it's a very successful company. I know Mr. Colfax pretty well. I once mentioned you to Summerfield. What an impressive guy he is, really talented. You were working on that series of sugar plantation ads for them or getting them done. I think I tried to capture the vibe of those in my advertising for Ruritania, as you might have noticed. Well, you’ve definitely improved your situation since then. I tried to tell Summerfield that he had an exceptional person in you, but he wouldn't listen. He's too much of an egotist. He doesn’t know how to collaborate with someone as an equal."
Eugene smiled at the thought of Summerfield.
Eugene smiled at the thought of Summerfield.
"An able man," he said simply. "He did a great deal for me."
"He's a capable guy," he said plainly. "He did a lot for me."
Winfield liked that. He thought Eugene would criticize him. He liked Eugene's genial manner and intelligent, expressive face. It occurred to him that when next he wanted to advertise one of his big development projects, he would go to Eugene or the man who had done the sugar plantation series of pictures and get him to give him the right idea for advertising.
Winfield liked that. He thought Eugene would criticize him. He appreciated Eugene's friendly demeanor and smart, expressive face. It occurred to him that the next time he wanted to promote one of his big development projects, he would approach Eugene or the guy who had done the sugar plantation series of pictures and ask him for the right marketing idea.
Affinity is such a peculiar thing. It draws people so easily, apart from volition or consciousness. In a few moments Eugene and Winfield, sitting side by side on the veranda, looking at the greenwood before them, the long stretch of open sound, dotted with white sails and the dim, distant shore of Connecticut, were talking of real estate ventures in general, what land was worth, how speculations of this kind turned out, as a rule. Winfield was anxious to take Eugene seriously, for he felt drawn to him and Eugene studied Winfield's pale face, his thin, immaculate hands, his suit of soft, gray cloth. He looked as able as his public reputation made him out to be—in fact, he looked better than anything he had ever done. Eugene had seen Ruritania and The Beeches. They did not impress him vastly as territorial improvements, but they were pretty, nevertheless. For middle-class people, they were quite the thing he thought.
Affinity is such a strange thing. It easily connects people, regardless of their will or awareness. In just a few moments, Eugene and Winfield, sitting together on the porch, gazing at the greenery in front of them, the long stretch of open water dotted with white sails, and the faint, far-off shore of Connecticut, were discussing real estate opportunities in general, what land was valued at, and how such investments usually turned out. Winfield was eager to take Eugene seriously, feeling a connection to him, while Eugene observed Winfield's pale face, his delicate, pristine hands, and his soft, gray suit. He seemed as capable as his public image suggested—actually, he appeared more impressive than anything he had ever accomplished. Eugene had seen Ruritania and The Beeches. They didn't leave a significant impression on him as property developments, but they were nice nonetheless. For middle-class people, they seemed just right, he thought.
"I should think it would be a pleasure to you to scheme out a new section," he said to him once. "The idea of a virgin piece of land to be converted into streets and houses or a village appeals to me immensely. The idea of laying it out and sketching houses to fit certain positions, suits my temperament exactly. I wish sometimes I had been born an architect."
"I think it would be fun for you to plan out a new area," he said to him once. "The thought of turning untouched land into streets and houses or a village really excites me. Designing it and sketching houses to fit specific spots is totally my thing. Sometimes I wish I had been born an architect."
[Pg 495] "It is pleasant and if that were all it would be ideal," returned Winfield. "The thing is more a matter of financing than anything else. You have to raise money for land and improvements. If you make exceptional improvements they are expensive. You really can't expect to get much, if any, of your money back, until all your work is done. Then you have to wait. If you put up houses you can't rent them, for the moment you rent them, you can't sell them as new. When you make your improvements your taxes go up immediately. If you sell a piece of property to a man or woman who isn't exactly in accord with your scheme, he or she may put up a house which destroys the value of a whole neighborhood for you. You can't fix the details of a design in a contract too closely. You can only specify the minimum price the house is to cost and the nature of the materials to be used. Some people's idea of beauty will vary vastly from others. Taste in sections may change. A whole city like New York may suddenly decide that it wants to build west when you are figuring on its building east. So—well, all these things have to be taken into consideration."
[Pg 495] "It's nice, and if that were it, it would be perfect," Winfield replied. "The real issue is financing more than anything else. You need to secure funds for land and improvements. If you make significant upgrades, they can be costly. You really shouldn't expect to get much, if anything, back until all your work is complete. After that, you have to wait. If you build houses, you can't rent them out because as soon as you do, you can’t sell them as new. When you make your improvements, your taxes go up right away. If you sell a property to someone who doesn’t quite align with your vision, they might build a house that lowers the value of the entire neighborhood for you. You can't nail down the specifics of a design in a contract too tightly. You can only set the minimum price for the house and describe the type of materials to be used. Not everyone has the same idea of beauty; people's tastes can differ widely. Trends in neighborhoods can shift. A whole city like New York might suddenly decide to expand west while you're planning for it to expand east. So, well, all these factors need to be considered."
"That sounds logical enough," said Eugene, "but wouldn't the right sort of a scheme just naturally draw to itself the right sort of people, if it were presented in the right way? Don't you fix the conditions by your own attitude?"
"That makes sense," said Eugene, "but wouldn't the right kind of plan naturally attract the right kind of people if it were presented the right way? Don’t you set the conditions with your own attitude?"
"You do, you do," replied Winfield, easily. "If you give the matter sufficient care and attention it can be done. The pity is you can be too fine at times. I have seen attempts at perfection come to nothing. People with taste and tradition and money behind them are not moving into new additions and suburbs, as a rule. You are dealing with the new rich and financial beginners. Most people strain their resources to the breaking point to better their living conditions and they don't always know. If they have the money, it doesn't always follow that they have the taste to grasp what you are striving for, and if they have the taste they haven't the money. They would do better if they could, but they can't. A man in my position is like an artist and a teacher and a father confessor and financier and everything all rolled into one. When you start to be a real estate developer on a big scale you must be these things. I have had some successes and some notable failures. Winfield is one of the worst. It's disgusting to me now."
"You do, you do," Winfield replied easily. "If you give the matter enough care and attention, it can be done. The unfortunate thing is that sometimes you can be too precise. I've seen attempts at perfection fail completely. People with taste, tradition, and money usually aren't moving into new developments and suburbs. You're dealing with the new rich and financial beginners. Most people stretch their budgets to the limit to improve their living situations, and they don't always know how to do it right. Just because they have the money, it doesn’t mean they have the taste for what you're aiming for, and if they have the taste, they often lack the funds. They would do better if they could, but they can't. A person in my position is like an artist, a teacher, a confessor, a financier, and everything else all mixed into one. When you start to be a real estate developer on a large scale, you have to embody all these roles. I've had some successes and some significant failures. Winfield is one of the worst. It disgusts me now."
"I have always wished I could lay out a seaside resort or a suburb," said Eugene dreamily. "I've never been to but one or two of the resorts abroad, but it strikes me that none of the resorts here—certainly none near New York—are right. The opportunities [Pg 496] are so wonderful. The things that have been done are horrible. There is no plan, no detail anywhere."
"I've always wanted to create a beach resort or a suburb," Eugene said dreamily. "I've only been to a couple of resorts overseas, but it seems to me that none of the resorts here—especially not near New York—are right. The potential is amazing. What’s been done is terrible. There’s no planning, no attention to detail anywhere."
"My views exactly," said Winfield. "I've been thinking of it for years. Some such place could be built, and I suppose if it were done right it would be successful. It would be expensive, though, very, and those who come in would have a long wait for their money."
"My views exactly," said Winfield. "I've been thinking about it for years. A place like that could be built, and I guess if it were done well, it would be successful. It would be costly, though, really expensive, and those who invest would have to wait a long time to see their returns."
"It would be a great opportunity to do something really worth while, though," said Eugene. "No one seems to realize how beautiful a thing like that could be made."
"It would be a great chance to do something truly meaningful, though," said Eugene. "No one seems to understand how beautiful something like that could be made."
Winfield said nothing, but the thought stuck in his mind. He was dreaming a seaside improvement which should be the most perfect place of its kind in the world—a monument to himself if he did it. If Eugene had this idea of beauty he might help. At least he might talk to him about it when the time came. Perhaps Eugene might have a little money to invest. It would take millions to put such a scheme through, but every little would help. Besides Eugene might have ideas which should make money both for himself and for Winfield. It was worth thinking about. So they parted, not to meet again for weeks and months, but they did not forget each other.
Winfield didn't say anything, but the idea lingered in his mind. He was envisioning a seaside development that would be the best of its kind in the world—a monument to himself if he pulled it off. If Eugene shared this vision of beauty, he might be able to help. At the very least, they could discuss it when the time was right. Maybe Eugene would have some money to invest. It would take millions to make such a project happen, but every bit would count. Plus, Eugene might have ideas that could make money for both him and Winfield. It was worth considering. So they parted ways, not to see each other for weeks and months, but they didn’t forget about one another.
BOOK III
THE REVOLT
CHAPTER I
It was when Eugene was at the height of his success that a meeting took place between himself and a certain Mrs. Emily Dale.
It was when Eugene was at the peak of his success that he had a meeting with a woman named Mrs. Emily Dale.
Mrs. Dale was a strikingly beautiful and intelligent widow of thirty-eight, the daughter of a well-to-do and somewhat famous New York family of Dutch extraction—the widow of an eminent banker of considerable wealth who had been killed in an automobile accident near Paris some years before. She was the mother of four children, Suzanne, eighteen; Kinroy, fifteen; Adele, twelve, and Ninette, nine, but the size of her family had in no way affected the subtlety of her social personality and the delicacy of her charm and manner. She was tall, graceful, willowy, with a wealth of dark hair, which was used in the most subtle manner to enhance the beauty of her face. She was calm, placid apparently, while really running deep with emotion and fancies, with manners which were the perfection of kindly courtesy and good breeding and with those airs of superiority which come so naturally to those who are raised in a fortunate and exclusive atmosphere.
Mrs. Dale was a strikingly beautiful and intelligent 38-year-old widow, the daughter of a wealthy and somewhat well-known New York family of Dutch descent. She was the widow of a prominent banker who had been killed in a car accident near Paris several years earlier. She had four children: Suzanne, 18; Kinroy, 15; Adele, 12; and Ninette, 9. Despite having a large family, her social presence remained subtle, and her charm and demeanor were delicate. She was tall, graceful, and willowy, with a mass of dark hair that she styled in a way that highlighted her facial beauty. Although she appeared calm and tranquil, she was actually filled with deep emotions and dreams. Her manners reflected the highest standards of kindness and good breeding, along with the natural air of superiority that comes from being raised in a privileged and exclusive environment.
She did not consider herself passionate in a marked degree, but freely admitted to herself that she was vain and coquettish. She was keen and observing, with a single eye to the main chance socially, but with a genuine love for literature and art and a propensity to write. Eugene met her through Colfax, who introduced him to her. He learned from the latter that she was rather unfortunate in her marriage except from a money point of view, and that her husband's death was no irreparable loss. He also learned from the same source that she was a good mother, trying to bring up her children in the manner most suitable to their station and opportunities. Her husband had been of a much poorer social origin than herself, but her own standing was of the very best. She was a gay social figure, being invited much, entertaining freely, preferring the company of younger men to those of her own age or older and being followed ardently by one fortune hunter and another, who saw in her beauty, wealth and station, an easy door to the heaven of social supremacy.
She didn’t think of herself as particularly passionate, but she readily admitted to being vain and flirty. She was sharp and observant, always looking for social advantages, but she genuinely loved literature and art and had a tendency to write. Eugene met her through Colfax, who introduced them. He learned from Colfax that her marriage had been quite unfortunate, aside from the financial aspect, and that her husband's death was not a huge loss. Colfax also mentioned that she was a good mother, doing her best to raise her children in a way that suited their status and opportunities. Her husband had come from a much lower social class than her, but her own background was top-notch. She was a lively social figure, often invited to events, hosting gatherings frequently, and preferring the company of younger men over her peers or older men. She was ardently pursued by various fortune seekers who viewed her beauty, wealth, and status as an easy ticket to social prominence.
The Dale home, or homes rather, were in several different places—one at Morristown, New Jersey, another on fashionable [Pg 500] Grimes Hill on Staten Island, a third—a city residence, which at the time Eugene met them, was leased for a term of years—was in Sixty-seventh Street, near Fifth Avenue in New York City, and a fourth, a small lodge, at Lenox, Massachusetts, which was also rented. Shortly after he met her the house at Morristown was closed and the lodge at Lenox re-occupied.
The Dale family had several homes in different locations—one in Morristown, New Jersey, another on the trendy [Pg 500] Grimes Hill on Staten Island, a third—a city apartment, which was leased for a number of years when Eugene met them—on Sixty-seventh Street, near Fifth Avenue in New York City, and a fourth, a small cabin, in Lenox, Massachusetts, which was also rented. Soon after he met her, the house in Morristown was closed, and the cabin in Lenox was re-occupied.
For the most part Mrs. Dale preferred to dwell in her ancestral home on Staten Island, which, because of its commanding position on what was known as Grimes Hill, controlled a magnificent view of the bay and harbor of New York. Manhattan, its lower wall of buildings, lay like a cloud at the north. The rocking floor of the sea, blue and gray and slate black by turn, spread to the east. In the west were visible the Kill von Kull with its mass of shipping and the Orange Hills. In a boat club at Tompkinsville she had her motor boat, used mostly by her boy; in her garage at Grimes Hill, several automobiles. She owned several riding horses, retained four family servants permanently and in other ways possessed all those niceties of appointment which make up the comfortable life of wealth and ease.
For the most part, Mrs. Dale preferred to stay in her family home on Staten Island, which, because of its prime location on Grimes Hill, provided a stunning view of New York's bay and harbor. Manhattan, with its lower skyline, loomed like a cloud to the north. The choppy sea, shifting between shades of blue, gray, and slate black, spread out to the east. To the west, you could see the Kill von Kull filled with ships and the Orange Hills. At a boat club in Tompkinsville, she kept her motorboat, mostly used by her son; in her garage at Grimes Hill, there were several cars. She owned several riding horses, had four family servants on staff, and in many ways enjoyed all the luxuries that come with a comfortable, wealthy lifestyle.
The two youngest of her girls were in a fashionable boarding school at Tarrytown; the boy, Kinroy, was preparing for Harvard; Suzanne, the eldest, was at home, fresh from boarding school experiences, beginning to go out socially. Her début had already been made. Suzanne was a peculiar girl, plump, beautiful, moody, with, at times, a dreamy air of indifference and a smile that ran like a breath of air over water. Her eyes were large, of a vague blue-gray, her lips rosy and arched; her cheeks full and pink. She had a crown of light chestnut hair, a body at once innocent and voluptuous in its outlines. When she laughed it was a rippling gurgle, and her sense of humor was perfect, if not exaggerated. One of those naturally wise but as yet vague and formless artistic types, which suspect without education, nearly all the subtleties of the world, and burst forth full winged and beautiful, but oh, so fragile, like a butterfly from its chrysalis, the radiance of morning upon its body. Eugene did not see her for a long time after he met Mrs. Dale, but when he did, he was greatly impressed with her beauty.
The two youngest girls were at a trendy boarding school in Tarrytown; the boy, Kinroy, was getting ready for Harvard; Suzanne, the oldest, was back home, just out of boarding school, and starting to socialize. She had already made her debut. Suzanne was an unusual girl, plump, beautiful, and moody, with a sometimes dreamy indifference and a smile that glided like a breeze across water. Her eyes were large and a hazy blue-gray, her lips were rosy and arched, and her cheeks were full and pink. She had a crown of light chestnut hair and a body that was both innocent and voluptuous in its shape. When she laughed, it was a bubbling gurgle, and her sense of humor was spot-on, if not a bit over the top. She was one of those inherently wise yet still vague artistic types who, without formal education, grasp nearly all the subtleties of the world, bursting forth fully formed and beautiful, but oh, so delicate, like a butterfly emerging from its chrysalis, glowing in the morning light. Eugene didn't see her for a long time after he met Mrs. Dale, but when he finally did, he was deeply struck by her beauty.
Life sometimes builds an enigma out of common clay, and with a look from a twelve-year-old girl, sets a Dante singing. It can make a god of a bull, a divinity of an ibis, or a beetle, set up a golden calf to be worshipped of the multitude. Paradox! Paradox! In this case an immature and yet nearly perfect body held a seemingly poetic and yet utterly nebulous appreciation [Pg 501] of life—a body so youthful, a soul so fumbling that one would ask, How should tragedy lurk in form like this?
Life sometimes turns ordinary things into a mystery, and with just a glance from a twelve-year-old girl, it can inspire a song worthy of Dante. It can create a god from a bull, a deity from an ibis, or a beetle, and have people worship a golden calf. What a paradox! Here we have a young yet almost perfect body that holds a seemingly poetic but completely vague understanding of life—a body so young, a soul so awkward that one might wonder, how can tragedy hide in something like this? [Pg 501]
A fool?
An idiot?
Not quite, yet so nebulous, so much a dreamer that difficulty might readily follow in the wake of any thoughtless deed.
Not really, but so unclear, so much of a dreamer that trouble could easily come after any careless action.
As a matter of fact, favored as she was by nature and fortune, her very presence was dangerous—provocative, without thought of being so. If a true artist had painted her, synthesizing her spirit with her body, he might have done so showing her standing erect on a mountain top, her limbs outlined amidst fluttering draperies against the wind, her eyes fixed on distant heights, or a falling star. Out of mystery into mystery again, so she came and went. Her mind was not unlike a cloud of mist through which the morning sun is endeavoring to break, irradiating all with its flushes of pink and gold. Again it was like those impearled shells of the South Sea, without design yet suggestive of all perfections and all beauties. Dreams! dreams!—of clouds, sunsets, colors, sounds which a too articulate world would do its best later to corrupt. What Dante saw in Beatrice, what Abélard saw in Héloïse, Romeo in Juliet, so some wondering swain could have seen in her—and suffered a like fate.
In fact, given how favored she was by nature and luck, her very presence was dangerous—provocative, without her even trying to be. If a true artist had painted her, combining her spirit with her body, he might have depicted her standing tall on a mountaintop, her figure outlined by flowing fabric in the wind, her eyes set on distant heights or a shooting star. She came and went, moving from mystery into mystery. Her mind was like a cloud of mist that the morning sun is trying to break through, illuminating everything with shades of pink and gold. It was also like those iridescent shells from the South Sea, without clear design yet hinting at all kinds of perfection and beauty. Dreams! Dreams!—of clouds, sunsets, colors, sounds that a too articulate world would eventually try to ruin. What Dante saw in Beatrice, what Abélard saw in Héloïse, Romeo in Juliet, some amazed admirer could have seen in her—and would suffer a similar fate.
Eugene encountered Mrs. Dale at a house party on Long Island one Saturday afternoon, and their friendship began at once. She was introduced to him by Colfax, and because of the latter's brusque, jesting spirit was under no illusions as to his social state.
Eugene met Mrs. Dale at a house party on Long Island one Saturday afternoon, and their friendship started right away. Colfax introduced her to him, and because of Colfax's straightforward and joking nature, she had no misconceptions about his social status.
"You needn't look at him closely," he observed gaily, "he's married."
"You don't need to look at him closely," he said cheerfully, "he's married."
"That simply makes him all the more interesting," she rippled, and extended her hand.
"That just makes him even more interesting," she said, reaching out her hand.
Eugene took it. "I'm glad a poor married man can find shelter somewhere," he said, smartly.
Eugene accepted it. "I'm glad a struggling married guy can find a place to stay," he said, wittily.
"You should rejoice," she replied. "It's at once your liberty and your protection. Think how safe you are!"
"You should be happy," she said. "It's both your freedom and your safety. Just think about how secure you are!"
"I know, I know," he said. "All the slings and arrows of Miss Fortune hurtling by."
"I know, I know," he said. "All the struggles and hardships of bad luck flying by."
"And you in no danger of being hurt."
"And you're not in any danger of getting hurt."
He offered her his arm, and they strolled through a window onto a veranda.
He offered her his arm, and they walked through a window onto a balcony.
The day was just the least bit dull for Mrs. Dale. Bridge was in progress in the card room, a company of women and girls gambling feverishly. Eugene was not good at bridge, not quick enough mentally, and Mrs. Dale did not care much for it.
The day was just a little boring for Mrs. Dale. Bridge was happening in the card room, with a group of women and girls playing intensely. Eugene wasn't great at bridge, not quick enough mentally, and Mrs. Dale didn't really enjoy it.
"I have been trying to stir up enough interest to bring to [Pg 502] pass a motor ride, but it doesn't work," she said. "They all have the gambling fever today. Are you as greedy as the others?"
"I've been trying to create enough interest to get a motor ride going, but it’s not happening," she said. "Everyone is caught up in gambling today. Are you as greedy as the others?"
"I'm greedy I assure you, but I can't play. The greediest thing I can do is to stay away from the tables. I save most. That sharp Faraday has cleaned me and two others out of four hundred dollars. It's astonishing the way some people can play. They just look at the cards or make mystic signs and the wretched things range themselves in serried ranks to suit them. It's a crime. It ought to be a penitentiary offense, particularly to beat me. I'm such an inoffensive specimen of the non-bridge playing family."
"I'm greedy, I assure you, but I can't play. The most greedy thing I can do is stay away from the tables. I save the most. That sharp Faraday cleaned me and two others out of four hundred dollars. It's amazing how some people can play. They just glance at the cards or make mysterious signs, and the wretched things arrange themselves in perfect order for them. It's a crime. It should be a jail-worthy offense, especially to beat me. I'm just such an innocent example of the non-bridge playing crowd."
"A burnt child, you know. Stay away. Let's sit here. They can't come out here and rob you."
"A burned child, you know. Stay away. Let's sit here. They can't come out here and steal from you."
They sat down in green willow chairs, and after a time a servant offered them coffee. Mrs. Dale accepted. They drifted conversationally from bridge to characters in society—a certain climber by the name of Bristow, a man who had made a fortune in trunks—and from him to travel and from travel to Mrs. Dale's experiences with fortune hunters. The automobile materialized through the intervention of others, but Eugene found great satisfaction in this woman's company and sat beside her. They talked books, art, magazines, the making of fortunes and reputations. Because he was or seemed to be in a position to assist her in a literary way she was particularly nice to him. When he was leaving she asked, "Where are you in New York?"
They sat down in green willow chairs, and after a while, a waiter offered them coffee. Mrs. Dale accepted. Their conversation flowed from bridge to the personalities in society—a certain climber named Bristow, a guy who had made a fortune in luggage—and then from him to travel, and from travel to Mrs. Dale's encounters with fortune seekers. The car appeared thanks to others, but Eugene felt really happy in this woman's company and sat next to her. They discussed books, art, magazines, building fortunes, and reputations. Since he seemed able to help her in a literary way, she was especially kind to him. As he was leaving, she asked, "Where are you in New York?"
"Riverside Drive is our present abode," he said.
"Riverside Drive is where we live now," he said.
"Why don't you bring Mrs. Witla and come down to see us some week-end? I usually have a few people there, and the house is roomy. I'll name you a special day if you wish."
"Why don't you bring Mrs. Witla and come down to visit us one weekend? I usually have a few people over, and the house is spacious. I can set a specific date for you if you'd like."
"Do. We'll be delighted. Mrs. Witla will enjoy it, I'm sure."
"Sure thing. We’d be happy to. I’m sure Mrs. Witla will enjoy it."
Mrs. Dale wrote to Angela ten days later as to a particular date, and in this way the social intimacy began.
Mrs. Dale wrote to Angela ten days later about a specific date, and this is how their social closeness started.
It was never of a very definite character, though. When Mrs. Dale met Angela she liked her quite well as an individual, whatever she may have thought of her as a social figure. Neither Eugene nor Angela saw Suzanne nor any of the other children on this occasion, all of them being away. Eugene admired the view tremendously and hinted at being invited again. Mrs. Dale was delighted. She liked him as a man entirely apart from his position but particularly because of his publishing station. She was ambitious to write. Others had told her that he was [Pg 503] the most conspicuous of the rising figures in the publishing world. Being friendly with him would give her exceptional standing with all his editors. She was only too pleased to be gracious to him. He was invited again and a third time, with Angela, and it seemed as though they were reaching, or might at least reach, something much more definite than a mere social acquaintance.
It wasn't ever really clear, though. When Mrs. Dale met Angela, she liked her quite a bit as a person, no matter what she thought of her socially. Neither Eugene nor Angela saw Suzanne or any of the other kids this time, since they were all away. Eugene loved the view and hinted at wanting to be invited back. Mrs. Dale was thrilled. She liked him as a person separate from his job, but especially because of his position in publishing. She wanted to write. Others had told her that he was [Pg 503] one of the standout rising stars in the publishing industry. Being friends with him would give her great credibility with all his editors. She was more than happy to be friendly with him. He was invited back again and a third time, with Angela, and it felt like they were moving towards something much more than just a casual acquaintance.
It was about six months after Eugene had first met Mrs. Dale that Angela gave a tea, and Eugene, in assisting her to prepare the list of invitations, had suggested that those who were to serve the tea and cakes should be two exceptionally pretty girls who were accustomed to come to the Witla apartment, Florence Reel, the daughter of a well-known author of that name and Marjorie Mac Tennan, the daughter of a well-known editor, both beautiful and talented, one with singing and the other with art ambitions. Angela had seen a picture of Suzanne Dale in her mother's room at Daleview on Grimes Hill, and had been particularly taken with her girlish charm and beauty.
It was about six months after Eugene first met Mrs. Dale that Angela hosted a tea party. While helping her put together the invitation list, Eugene suggested that the tea and cakes should be served by two exceptionally pretty girls who often visited the Witla apartment: Florence Reel, the daughter of a famous author, and Marjorie Mac Tennan, the daughter of a well-known editor. Both were beautiful and talented, one aspiring to be a singer and the other an artist. Angela had seen a photo of Suzanne Dale in her mother's room at Daleview on Grimes Hill and had been especially taken with her youthful charm and beauty.
"I wonder," she said, "if Mrs. Dale would object to having Suzanne come and help serve that day. She would like it, I'm sure, there are going to be so many clever people here. We haven't seen her, but that doesn't matter. It would be a nice way to introduce herself."
"I wonder," she said, "if Mrs. Dale would mind having Suzanne come and help out that day. I’m sure she would love it; there are going to be so many interesting people here. We haven't seen her, but that doesn't really matter. It would be a nice way for her to introduce herself."
"That's a good idea, I should say," observed Eugene judicially. He had seen the photo of Suzanne and liked it, though he was not over-impressed. Photos to him were usually gross deceivers. He accepted them always with reservations. Angela forthwith wrote to Mrs. Dale, who agreed. She would be glad to come herself. She had seen the Witla apartment, and had been very much pleased with it. The reception day came and Angela begged Eugene to come home early.
"That's a great idea, I must say," Eugene remarked thoughtfully. He had seen the photo of Suzanne and liked it, though he wasn't overly impressed. Photos often seemed misleading to him. He always viewed them with skepticism. Angela promptly wrote to Mrs. Dale, who agreed. She would be happy to come herself. She had visited the Witla apartment and had been very pleased with it. The day of the reception arrived, and Angela asked Eugene to come home early.
"I know you don't like to be alone with a whole roomful of people, but Mr. Goodrich is coming, and Frederick Allen (one of their friends who had taken a fancy to Eugene), Arturo Scalchero is going to sing and Bonavita to play." Scalchero was none other than Arthur Skalger, of Port Jervis, New Jersey, but he assumed this corruption of his name in Italy to help him to success. Bonavita was truly a Spanish pianist of some repute who was flattered to be invited to Eugene's home.
"I know you don’t like being in a room full of people alone, but Mr. Goodrich is coming, along with Frederick Allen (one of their friends who had taken a liking to Eugene), Arturo Scalchero is going to sing, and Bonavita will play." Scalchero was actually Arthur Skalger from Port Jervis, New Jersey, but he adopted this variation of his name in Italy to boost his chances of success. Bonavita was genuinely a well-known Spanish pianist who felt honored to be invited to Eugene's home.
"Well, I don't care much about it," replied Eugene. "But I will come."
"Well, I don't really care about it," replied Eugene. "But I'll come."
He frequently felt that afternoon teas and receptions were ridiculous affairs, and that he had far better be in his office attending [Pg 504] to his multitudinous duties. Still he did leave early, and at five-thirty was ushered into a great roomful of chattering, gesticulating, laughing people. A song by Florence Reel had just been concluded. Like all girls of ambition, vivacity and imagination, she took an interest in Eugene, for in his smiling face she found a responsive gleam.
He often thought that afternoon teas and receptions were pointless events, and that he would be much better off in his office managing his numerous responsibilities. Still, he left early, and at five-thirty he was led into a large room full of chattering, animated, laughing people. A song by Florence Reel had just finished. Like all ambitious, lively, and imaginative girls, she was interested in Eugene, as she found a spark of connection in his smiling face.
"Oh, Mr. Witla!" she exclaimed. "Now here you are and you just missed my song. And I wanted you to hear it, too."
"Oh, Mr. Witla!" she exclaimed. "Here you are, and you just missed my song. I wanted you to hear it, too."
"Don't grieve, Florrie," he said familiarly, holding her hand and looking momentarily in her eyes. "You're going to sing it again for me. I heard part of it as I came up on the elevator." He relinquished her hand. "Why, Mrs. Dale! Delighted, I'm sure. So nice of you. And Arturo Scalchero—hullo, Skalger, you old frost! Where'd you get the Italian name? Bonavita! Fine! Am I going to hear you play? All over? Alas! Marjorie Mac Tennan! Gee, but you look sweet! If Mrs. Witla weren't watching me, I'd kiss you. Oh, the pretty bonnet! And Frederick Allen! My word! What are you trying to grab off, Allen? I'm on to you. No bluffs! Nix! Nix! Why, Mrs. Schenck—delighted! Angela, why didn't you tell me Mrs. Schenck was coming? I'd have been home at three."
"Don't be sad, Florrie," he said casually, holding her hand and briefly meeting her gaze. "You’re going to sing it for me again. I caught part of it on my way up in the elevator." He let go of her hand. "Oh, Mrs. Dale! So glad to see you. It’s so nice of you. And Arturo Scalchero—hey, Skalger, you old guy! Where’d you get that Italian name? Bonavita! Awesome! Am I going to hear you play? All of it? Oh no! Marjorie Mac Tennan! Wow, you look lovely! If Mrs. Witla wasn’t watching me, I’d kiss you. Look at that cute bonnet! And Frederick Allen! Wow! What are you up to, Allen? I’ve got my eye on you. No tricks! Nix! Nix! Oh, Mrs. Schenck—so nice to see you! Angela, why didn’t you let me know Mrs. Schenck was coming? I would’ve been home at three."
By this time he had reached the east end of the great studio room, farthest from the river. Here a tea table was spread with a silver tea service, and behind it a girl, oval-faced, radiantly healthy, her full lips parted in a ripe smile, her blue-gray eyes talking pleasure and satisfaction, her forehead laid about by a silver filigree band, beneath which her brown chestnut curls protruded. Her hands, Eugene noted, were plump and fair. She stood erect, assured, with the least touch of quizzical light in her eye. A white, pink-bordered dress draped her girlish figure.
By this time, he had made his way to the east end of the large studio room, the farthest point from the river. Here, a tea table was set up with a silver tea service, and behind it stood a girl with an oval face, radiating health. Her full lips were curved in a warm smile, and her blue-gray eyes exuded pleasure and satisfaction. A silver filigree band adorned her forehead, from which her brown chestnut curls peeped out. Eugene noticed that her hands were plump and fair. She stood upright, confident, with a hint of playful curiosity in her gaze. A white dress with pink borders draped her youthful figure.
"I don't know," he said easily, "but I wager a guess that this is—that this is—this is Suzanne Dale—what?"
"I don't know," he said casually, "but I bet this is—this is—this is Suzanne Dale—what?"
"Yes, this is," she replied laughingly. "Can I give you a cup of tea, Mr. Witla? I know you are Mr. Witla from ma-ma´'s description and the way in which you talk to everybody."
"Yes, it is," she said with a laugh. "Can I offer you a cup of tea, Mr. Witla? I know you’re Mr. Witla from my mom's description and how you chat with everyone."
"And how do I talk to everybody, may I ask, pleasum?"
"And how do I talk to everyone, may I ask, please?"
"Oh, I can't tell you so easily. I mean, I can't find the words, you know. I know how it is, though. Familiarly, I suppose I mean. Will you have one lump or two?"
"Oh, I can't tell you that so easily. I mean, I'm struggling to find the right words, you know? I get it, though. I guess I mean it in a familiar way. Do you want one lump or two?"
"Three an thou pleasest. Didn't your mother tell me you sang or played?"
"Three, if you please. Didn’t your mom tell me you sang or played?"
"Oh, you mustn't believe anything ma-ma´ says about me! She's apt to say anything. Tee! Hee! It makes me laugh"—she [Pg 505] pronounced it laaf—"to think of my playing. My teacher says he would like to strike my knuckles. Oh, dear!" (She went into a gale of giggles.) "And sing! Oh, dear, dear! That is too good!"
"Oh, you really shouldn't believe anything my mom says about me! She tends to say anything. Ha! It makes me laugh"—she pronounced it 'laugh'—"to think about my playing. My teacher says he feels like hitting my knuckles. Oh, no!" (She burst into a fit of giggles.) "And singing! Oh, no, no! That's just hilarious!"
Eugene watched her pretty face intently. Her mouth and nose and eyes fascinated him. She was so sweet! He noted the configuration of her lips and cheeks and chin. The nose was delicate, beautifully formed, fat, not sensitive. The ears were small, the eyes large and wide set, the forehead naturally high, but so concealed by curls that it seemed low. She had a few freckles and a very small dimple in her chin.
Eugene watched her pretty face closely. Her mouth, nose, and eyes captivated him. She was so sweet! He took note of the shape of her lips, cheeks, and chin. Her nose was delicate, beautifully shaped, not too prominent. Her ears were small, her eyes large and widely set, and her forehead was naturally high, though it appeared low due to her curls. She had a few freckles and a tiny dimple in her chin.
"Now you mustn't laugh like that," he said mock solemnly. "It's very serious business, this laughing. In the first place, it's against the rules of this apartment. No one is ever, ever, ever supposed to laugh here, particularly young ladies who pour tea. Tea, Epictetus well says, involves the most serious conceptions of one's privileges and duties. It is the high-born prerogative of tea servers to grin occasionally, but never, never, never under any circumstances whatsoever——" Suzanne's lips were beginning to part ravishingly in anticipation of a burst of laughter.
"Now you really shouldn’t laugh like that," he said with a mock-serious tone. "Laughing is serious business. First of all, it goes against the rules of this apartment. No one is ever, ever, ever allowed to laugh here, especially young ladies who serve tea. Tea, as Epictetus rightly points out, involves the most important ideas about our privileges and responsibilities. It's the special privilege of tea servers to smile occasionally, but never, ever, ever under any circumstances—" Suzanne's lips were starting to part beautifully as she anticipated a fit of laughter.
"What's all the excitement about, Witla?" asked Skalger, who had drifted to his side. "Why this sudden cessation of progress?"
"What's all the excitement about, Witla?" Skalger asked, drifting to his side. "Why have we suddenly stopped making progress?"
"Tea, my son, tea!" said Eugene. "Have a cup with me?"
"Tea, my son, tea!" said Eugene. "Want to have a cup with me?"
"I will."
"I will."
"He's trying to tell me, Mr. Skalger, that I should never laaf. I must only grin." Her lips parted and she laughed joyously. Eugene laughed with her. He could not help it. "Ma-ma´ says I giggle all the time. I wouldn't do very well here, would I?"
"He's trying to tell me, Mr. Skalger, that I should never laugh. I should only grin." Her lips curled up and she laughed happily. Eugene laughed along with her. He couldn't help it. "Mom says I giggle all the time. I wouldn't fit in here, would I?"
She always pronounced it "ma-ma´."
She always pronounced it "mama."
She turned to Eugene again with big smiling eyes.
She turned to Eugene again with big, smiling eyes.
"Exceptions, exceptions. I might make exceptions—one exception—but not more."
"Exceptions, exceptions. I might make one exception—but no more."
"Why one?" she asked archly.
"Why just one?" she asked archly.
"Oh, just to hear a natural laugh," he said a little plaintively. "Just to hear a real joyous laugh. Can you laugh joyously?"
"Oh, just to hear a natural laugh," he said a bit sadly. "Just to hear a truly joyful laugh. Can you laugh joyfully?"
She giggled again at this, and he was about to tell her how joyously she did laugh when Angela called him away to hear Florence Reel, who was going to sing again for his especial benefit. He parted from Miss Dale reluctantly, for she seemed some delicious figure as delicately colorful as Royal Dresden, as perfect in her moods as a spring evening, as soft, soulful, enticing as a strain of music heard through the night at a distance or over the water. He went over to where Florence Reel was standing, [Pg 506] listening in a sympathetic melancholy vein to a delightful rendering of "The Summer Winds Are Blowing, Blowing." All the while he could not help thinking of Suzanne—letting his eyes stray in that direction. He talked to Mrs. Dale, to Henrietta Tenmon, to Luke Severas, Mr. and Mrs. Dula, Payalei Stone, now a writer of special articles, and others, but he couldn't help longing to go back to her. How sweet she was! How very delightful! If he could only, once more in his life, have the love of a girl like that!
She giggled again at this, and he was about to tell her how joyfully she laughed when Angela called him away to hear Florence Reel, who was going to sing again just for him. He parted from Miss Dale reluctantly, as she seemed like a delicious figure, as delicately colorful as Royal Dresden, as perfect in her moods as a spring evening, and as soft, soulful, and enticing as a piece of music heard from a distance on a quiet night. He went over to where Florence Reel was standing, [Pg 506] listening with a sympathetic melancholy to a beautiful rendition of "The Summer Winds Are Blowing, Blowing." All the while, he couldn't help but think of Suzanne—his eyes drifting in her direction. He chatted with Mrs. Dale, Henrietta Tenmon, Luke Severas, Mr. and Mrs. Dula, Payalei Stone, now a writer of special articles, and others, but he couldn't shake the desire to go back to her. How sweet she was! How utterly delightful! If he could only, just once in his life, experience the love of a girl like that!
The guests began to depart. Angela and Eugene bustled about the farewells. Because of the duties of her daughter, which continued to the end, Mrs. Dale stayed, talking to Arthur Skalger. Eugene was in and out between the studio and cloak room off the entry way. Now and then he caught glimpses of Suzanne demurely standing by her tea cups and samovar. For years he had seen nothing so fresh and young as her body. She was like a new grown wet white lily pod in the dawn of the year. She seemed to have the texture of the water chestnut and the lush, fat vegetables of the spring. Her eyes were as clear as water; her skin as radiant new ivory. There was no sign of weariness about her, nor any care, nor any thought of evil, nor anything except health and happiness. "Such a face!" he thought casually in passing. "She is as sweet as any girl could be. As radiant as light itself."
The guests started to leave. Angela and Eugene were busy saying their goodbyes. Since her daughter was still occupied, Mrs. Dale stayed behind to chat with Arthur Skalger. Eugene kept going back and forth between the studio and the cloakroom near the entrance. Every now and then, he caught sight of Suzanne quietly standing by her tea cups and samovar. For years, he hadn't seen anyone so fresh and youthful as her. She looked like a newly grown, wet white lily pod in the early days of spring. She seemed to have the texture of water chestnuts and the rich, plump vegetables of the season. Her eyes were as clear as water; her skin shone like fresh ivory. There was no hint of fatigue, worry, or malice about her—only health and happiness. "What a face!" he thought casually as he passed by. "She’s as sweet as any girl could be. As radiant as light itself."
Incidentally the personality of Frieda Roth came back, and—long before her—Stella Appleton.
Incidentally, the personality of Frieda Roth resurfaced, and—long before her—Stella Appleton.
"Youth! Youth! What in this world could be finer—more acceptable! Where would you find its equal? After all the dust of the streets and the spectacle of age and weariness—the crow's feet about people's eyes, the wrinkles in their necks, the make-believe of rouge and massage, and powder and cosmetics, to see real youth, not of the body but of the soul also—the eyes, the smile, the voice, the movements—all young. Why try to imitate that miracle? Who could? Who ever had?"
"Youth! Youth! What in this world could be better—more desirable! Where else would you find its match? After all the grime of the streets and the sight of age and fatigue—the crow's feet around people's eyes, the wrinkles on their necks, the artificiality of makeup and skincare, to witness true youth, not just in the body but in the spirit too—the eyes, the smile, the voice, the movements—all youthful. Why attempt to recreate that miracle? Who could? Who has ever succeeded?"
He went on shaking hands, bowing, smiling, laughing, jesting, making believe himself, but all the while the miracle of the youth and beauty of Suzanne Dale was running in his mind.
He continued shaking hands, bowing, smiling, laughing, joking, pretending to be himself, but all the while, the wonder of Suzanne Dale's youth and beauty was on his mind.
"What are you thinking about, Eugene?" asked Angela, coming to the window where he had drawn a rocking-chair and was sitting gazing out on the silver and lavender and gray of the river surface in the fading light. Some belated gulls were still flying about. Across the river the great manufactory was sending off a spiral of black smoke from one of its tall chimneys. Lamps were beginning to twinkle in its hundred-windowed wall. [Pg 507] A great siren cry broke from its whistle as six o'clock tolled from a neighboring clock tower. It was still late February and cold.
"What are you thinking about, Eugene?" Angela asked, walking over to the window where he had pulled up a rocking chair and was sitting, gazing out at the silver, lavender, and gray surface of the river as the light faded. Some late gulls were still flying around. Across the river, the large factory was releasing a plume of black smoke from one of its tall chimneys. Lights were starting to twinkle in its wall of a hundred windows. [Pg 507] A loud siren sounded from its whistle as six o'clock chimed from a nearby clock tower. It was still late February and cold.
"Oh, I was thinking of the beauty of this scene," he said wearily.
"Oh, I was thinking about how beautiful this scene is," he said tiredly.
Angela did not believe it. She was conscious of something, but they never quarreled about what he was thinking nowadays. They had come too far along in comfort and solidity. What was it, though, she wondered, that he was thinking about?
Angela didn’t believe it. She sensed something, but they never argued about what was on his mind these days. They had come too far in comfort and stability. What was it, though, she wondered, that he was thinking about?
Suzanne Dale had no particular thought of him. He was nice—pleasant, good-looking. Mrs. Witla was quite nice and young.
Suzanne Dale didn't have any specific thoughts about him. He was nice—pleasant, attractive. Mrs. Witla was also quite nice and young.
"Ma-ma," she said, "did you look out of the window at Mr. Witla's?"
"Mom," she said, "did you look out the window at Mr. Witla's?"
"Yes, my dear!"
"Yes, babe!"
"Wasn't that a beautiful view?"
"Wasn't that a gorgeous view?"
"Charming."
"Charming."
"I should think you might like to live on the Drive sometime, ma-ma."
"I think you might enjoy living on the Drive sometime, Mom."
"We may sometime."
"We might sometime."
Mrs. Dale fell to musing. Certainly Eugene was an attractive man—young, brilliant, able. What a mistake all the young men made, marrying so early. Here he was successful, introduced to society, attractive, the world really before him, and he was married to someone who, though a charming little woman, was not up to his possibilities.
Mrs. Dale fell into thought. Eugene was definitely an attractive guy—young, smart, capable. What a mistake all the young men made by marrying so young. Here he was, successful, welcomed into society, good-looking, with the world at his feet, and he was married to someone who, while a lovely little woman, just wasn't on his level.
"Oh, well," she thought, "so goes the world. Why worry? Everyone must do the best they can."
"Oh, well," she thought, "that's just how it is. Why stress? Everyone has to do their best."
Then she thought of a story she might write along this line and get Eugene to publish it in one of his magazines.
Then she thought of a story she could write along these lines and get Eugene to publish it in one of his magazines.
CHAPTER II
While these various events were occurring the work of the United Magazines Corporation had proceeded apace. By the end of the first year after Eugene's arrival it had cleared up so many of its editorial and advertising troubles that he was no longer greatly worried about them, and by the end of the second year it was well on the way toward real success. Eugene had become so much of a figure about the place that everyone in the great building, in which there were over a thousand employed, knew him at sight. The attendants were most courteous and obsequious, as much so almost as they were to Colfax and White, though the latter with the improvement of the general condition of the company had become more dominating and imposing than ever. White with his large salary of twenty-five thousand a year and his title of vice-president was most anxious that Eugene should not become more powerful than he had already. It irritated him greatly to see the airs Eugene gave himself, for the latter had little real tact, and instead of dissembling his importance before his superiors was inclined to flaunt it. He was forever retailing to Colfax some new achievement in the advertising, circulation, and editorial fields, and that in White's presence, for he did not take the latter very seriously, telling of a new author of importance captured for the book department; a new manuscript feature secured for one or another of the magazines, a new circulation scheme or connection devised, or a new advertising contract of great money value manipulated. His presence in Colfax's office was almost invariably a signal for congratulation or interest, for he was driving things hard and Colfax knew it. White came to hate the sight of him.
While all these events were happening, the work of the United Magazines Corporation was progressing quickly. By the end of the first year after Eugene's arrival, he had resolved many of its editorial and advertising issues, so he was no longer very concerned about them. By the end of the second year, the company was on its way to real success. Eugene had become such a notable presence in the building, where over a thousand people worked, that everyone recognized him on sight. The staff was very courteous and eager to please, almost as much as they were toward Colfax and White, although the latter had become more commanding and impressive than ever with the improved conditions of the company. White, with his hefty salary of twenty-five thousand a year and his title of vice president, was quite eager that Eugene not gain any more power than he already had. It really bothered him to see the confidence Eugene projected because Eugene didn’t have much real tact; instead of downplaying his importance in front of his superiors, he tended to show it off. He was always telling Colfax about some new achievement in advertising, circulation, and editorial areas, often in White's presence since he didn’t take White very seriously. He would boast about landing a significant new author for the book department, securing a new manuscript feature for one of the magazines, devising a new circulation strategy, or negotiating a major advertising contract. His visits to Colfax's office were almost always a reason for congratulations or interest because he was pushing hard, and Colfax was aware of it. White began to really dislike seeing him.
"Well, what's the latest great thing you've done?" Colfax said once to Eugene jovially in White's presence, for he knew that Eugene was as fond of praise as a child and so could be bantered with impunity. White concealed a desire to sneer behind a deceptive smile.
"Well, what's the best thing you've done lately?" Colfax said playfully to Eugene with White there, knowing that Eugene loved praise like a kid and could be teased safely. White masked a desire to mock behind a fake smile.
"No latest great thing, only Hayes has turned that Hammond Packing Company trick. That means eighteen thousand dollars' worth more of new business for next year. That'll help a little, won't it?"
"No recent big thing, just Hayes has pulled off that Hammond Packing Company trick. That means an extra eighteen thousand dollars' worth of new business for next year. That’ll help a bit, right?"
"Hayes! Hayes! I'll be switched if I don't think he comes pretty near being a better advertising man than you are, Witla. [Pg 509] You picked him, I'll have to admit that, but he certainly knows all about the game. If anything ever happened to you, I think I'd like to keep him right there." White pretended not to hear this, but it pleased him. Hayes should be aided as much as possible by him.
"Hayes! Hayes! I’ll be surprised if I don’t think he’s almost a better ad guy than you, Witla. [Pg 509] I have to admit you chose him, but he really knows the business. If anything ever happened to you, I think I’d want to keep him right there." White pretended not to hear this, but it made him happy. He should support Hayes as much as possible.
Eugene's face fell, for this sudden twisting of the thread of interest from his to his assistant's achievements damped his enthusiasm. It wasn't pleasant to have his inspirational leadership questioned or made secondary to the work of those whom he was managing. He had brought all these men here and keyed the situation up. Was Colfax going to turn on him? "Oh, very well," he said sweetly.
Eugene's expression changed, as this sudden shift in attention from his accomplishments to his assistant's achievements dampened his excitement. It wasn't easy to have his leadership questioned or take a backseat to the work of those he was supposed to be leading. He had brought all these guys together and set the stage for their success. Was Colfax really going to betray him? "Oh, fine," he said with a forced smile.
"Don't look so hurt," returned Colfax easily. "I know what you're thinking. I'm not going to turn on you. You hired this man. I'm simply telling you that if anything should happen to you I'd like to keep him right where he is."
"Don't look so upset," Colfax said casually. "I know what you're thinking. I'm not going to betray you. You hired this guy. I'm just saying that if anything happens to you, I want to keep him exactly where he is."
Eugene thought this remark over seriously. It was tantamount to serving notice on him that he could not discharge Hayes. Colfax did not actually so mean it at the moment, though it was the seed of such a thought. He simply left the situation open for consideration, and Eugene went away thinking what an extremely unfavorable twist this gave to everything. If he was to go on finding good men and bringing them in here but could not discharge them, and if then, later, they became offensive to him, where would he be? Why, if they found that out, as they might through White, they could turn on him as lions on a tamer and tear him to pieces! This was a bad and unexpected twist to things, and he did not like it.
Eugene seriously considered this comment. It was like a warning that he couldn’t fire Hayes. Colfax didn’t mean it that way at the moment, but it planted the idea in his mind. He just left the situation up for discussion, and Eugene walked away thinking about how much this complicates everything. If he kept finding good people and bringing them in but couldn’t let them go, and then they became difficult later on, where would he stand? If they figured that out, possibly through White, they could turn on him like lions on a tamer and rip him apart! This was an unwelcome and surprising turn of events, and he didn’t like it.
On the other hand, while it had never occurred to Colfax before in this particular connection, for he liked Eugene, it fitted in well with certain warnings and suggestions which had been issuing from White who was malevolently opposed to Eugene. His success in reorganizing the place on the intellectual and artistic sides was too much. Eugene's work was giving him a dignity and a security which was entirely disproportionate to what he was actually doing and which was threatening to overshadow and put in the limbo of indifference that of every other person connected with the business. This must be broken. Colfax, for the time being, was so wrapped up in what he considered Eugene's shining intellectual and commercial qualities that he was beginning to ignore White. The latter did not propose that any such condition should continue. It was no doubt a rare thing to find a man who could pick good men and make the place successful, but what of himself? Colfax was naturally [Pg 510] very jealous, he knew, and suspicious. He did not want to be overshadowed in any way by any of his employees. He did not feel that he was, so far. But now White thought it would be a fine thing to stir him up on this score if he could—to arouse his jealousy. He knew that Colfax did not care so much about the publishing world, though now that he was in it, and was seeing that it could be made profitable, he was rather gratified by the situation. His wife liked it, for people were always talking to her about the United Magazines Corporation, its periodicals, its books, its art products and that was flattering. While it might not be as profitable as soap and woolens and railway stocks with which her husband was identified, it was somewhat more distinguished. She wanted him to keep it directly under his thumb and to shine by its reflected light.
On the other hand, while Colfax had never thought of this before—since he liked Eugene—it actually lined up well with some warnings and suggestions from White, who was openly against Eugene. Eugene's success in reorganizing the place intellectually and artistically was just too much. His work was giving him a dignity and security that were completely out of proportion to what he was actually doing, threatening to overshadow everyone else involved in the business and push them into obscurity. This needed to change. For the time being, Colfax was so caught up in what he saw as Eugene's impressive intellectual and business skills that he was starting to overlook White. White wasn’t going to let that situation last. It was indeed rare to find someone who could hire good talent and make the place thrive, but what about him? Colfax was naturally very jealous and suspicious; he didn’t want any of his employees to steal his spotlight. He didn’t feel overshadowed just yet. But now White thought it would be great to stir up some jealousy in Colfax. He knew that Colfax didn’t care much about the publishing world, though now that he was involved and seeing its profit potential, he was somewhat pleased with the situation. His wife liked it too, as people were always chatting with her about the United Magazines Corporation, its magazines, its books, its art products, and that was flattering. While it might not be as profitable as soap, wool, or railway stocks that her husband dealt with, it was definitely more prestigious. She wanted him to keep it firmly under his control and to shine through its achievements.
In looking about for a club wherewith to strike Eugene, White discovered this. He sounded Colfax on various occasions by innuendo, and noted his sniffing nostrils. If he could first reach Eugene's advertising, circulation and editorial men and persuade them to look to him instead of to Eugene, he might later reach and control Eugene through Colfax. He might humble Eugene by curbing his power, making him see that he, White, was still the power behind the throne.
In searching for a way to get back at Eugene, White found this opportunity. He tested Colfax out in different ways by dropping hints and observing his reactions. If he could first win over Eugene's advertising, circulation, and editorial staff and convince them to turn to him instead of Eugene, he might later manipulate Eugene through Colfax. He could bring Eugene down a notch by limiting his power, making him realize that White was still the one pulling the strings.
"What do you think of this fellow Witla?" Colfax would ask White from time to time, and when these occasions offered he was not slow to drive in a wedge.
"What do you think of this guy Witla?" Colfax would occasionally ask White, and when those moments came up, he was quick to take advantage.
"He's an able fellow," he said once, apparently most open-mindedly. "It's plain that he's doing pretty well with those departments, but I think you want to look out for his vanity. He's just the least bit in danger of getting a swelled head. You want to remember that he's still pretty young for the job he holds (White was eight years older). These literary and artistic people are all alike. The one objection that I have to them is that they never seem to have any real practical judgment. They make splendid second men when well governed, and you can do almost anything with them, if you know how to handle them, but you have to govern them. This fellow, as I see him, is just the man you want. He's picking some good people and he's getting some good results, but unless you watch him he's apt to throw them all out of here sometime or go away and take them all with him. I shouldn't let him do that if I were you. I should let him get just the men you think are right, and then I should insist that he keep them. Of course, a man has got to have authority in his own department, but it can be carried too far. You're treating him pretty liberally, you know."
"He's a capable guy," he said once, seeming quite open-minded. "It's clear that he's doing well with those departments, but you should watch out for his ego. He's just a bit at risk of getting a big head. You need to remember that he's still pretty young for the job he has (White was eight years older). These creative types are all the same. The only issue I have with them is that they never seem to have any real practical judgment. They make great second-in-command when they're properly managed, and you can do almost anything with them if you know how to handle them, but you need to manage them. This guy, as I see it, is exactly what you need. He's bringing in some strong people and getting good results, but if you're not careful, he might just get rid of them all or leave with them. I wouldn't let him do that if I were you. I’d let him select the right people, and then I’d insist he keeps them. Of course, a man needs to have authority in his own department, but that can be taken too far. You're being pretty generous with him, you know."
[Pg 511] This sounded very sincere and logical to Colfax, who admired White for it, for in spite of the fact that he liked Eugene greatly and went about with him a great deal, he did not exactly trust him. The man was in a way too brilliant, he thought. He was a little too airy and light on his feet.
[Pg 511] This felt very genuine and reasonable to Colfax, who respected White for it. Even though he really liked Eugene and spent a lot of time with him, he didn’t fully trust him. Colfax thought Eugene was somewhat too brilliant, a bit too carefree and light on his feet.
Under pretext of helping his work and directing his policy without actually interfering so that it might eventually prove a failure, White was constantly making suggestions. He made suggestions which he told Colfax Eugene ought to try in the circulation department. He made suggestions which he thought he might find advisable to try in the advertising department. He had suggestions, gathered from Heaven knows where, for the magazines and books, and these he invariably sent through Colfax, taking good care, however, that the various department heads knew from what source they had originally emanated. It was his plan to speak to Hayes or Gillmore, who was in charge of circulation, or one of the editors about some thought that was in his mind and then have that same thought come as an order via Eugene. The latter was so anxious to make good, so good-natured in his interpretation of suggestions, that it did not occur to him, for a long time, that he was being played. The men under him, however, realized that something was happening, for White was hand and glove with Colfax, and the two were not always in accord with Eugene. He was not quite as powerful as White, was the first impression, and later the idea got about that Eugene and White did not agree temperamentally and that White was the stronger and would win.
Under the guise of helping with his work and guiding his policy without actually interfering to ensure it might fail, White was constantly making suggestions. He proposed ideas that he told Colfax Eugene should be tried in the circulation department. He offered suggestions he thought would be wise to test in the advertising department. He had ideas, coming from who knows where, for the magazines and books, and he always funneled these through Colfax, making sure that the various department heads knew where they originally came from. His strategy was to talk to Hayes or Gillmore, who managed circulation, or one of the editors about some idea he had, and then that same idea would come across as an order via Eugene. The latter was so eager to prove himself and so good-natured in interpreting suggestions that it didn't strike him for a long time that he was being manipulated. The men under him, however, realized that something was off, as White was very close with Colfax, and the two weren't always on the same page as Eugene. The first impression was that he wasn't quite as powerful as White, and later it became clear that Eugene and White didn't see eye to eye temperamentally, with White being the stronger and likely to come out on top.
It is not possible to go into the long, slow multitudinous incidents and details which go to make up office politics, but anyone who has ever worked in a large or small organization anywhere will understand. Eugene was not a politician. He knew nothing of the delicate art of misrepresentation as it was practised by White and those who were of his peculiarly subtle mental tendencies. White did not like Eugene, and he proposed to have his power curbed. Some of Eugene's editors, after a time, began to find it difficult to get things as they wanted them from the printing department, and, when they complained, it was explained that they were of a disorderly and quarrelsome disposition. Some of his advertising men made mistakes in statement or presentation, and curiously these errors almost invariably came to light. Eugene found that his strong men were most quickly relieved of their difficulties if they approached White, but if they came to him it was not quite so easy. Instead of ignoring these petty annoyances and going his way about the big things, he stopped [Pg 512] occasionally to fight these petty battles and complaints, and these simply put him in the light of one who was not able to maintain profound peace and order in his domain. White was always bland, helpful, ready with a suave explanation.
It’s not possible to get into all the long, drawn-out incidents and details that make up office politics, but anyone who has worked in any organization, big or small, will get it. Eugene wasn’t a politician. He didn’t understand the subtle art of misrepresentation like White and those with similar cunning minds. White didn’t like Eugene and wanted to limit his power. After a while, some of Eugene’s editors found it hard to get what they needed from the printing department, and when they complained, it was said they had a disorderly and combative attitude. Some of his advertising staff made mistakes in their statements or presentations, and strangely, those mistakes always seemed to surface. Eugene noticed that his strong team members found it easier to resolve their issues if they approached White, but if they came to him, it wasn’t as simple. Instead of brushing off these minor annoyances and focusing on the bigger picture, he occasionally took time to address these small battles and complaints, which made him appear unable to maintain peace and order in his area. White was always smooth, helpful, and ready with a polished explanation.
"It's just possible that he may not know how to handle these fellows, after all," he said to Colfax, and then if anyone was discharged it was a sign of an unstable policy.
"It's possible he might not know how to deal with these guys, after all," he told Colfax, and then if anyone got fired it was a sign of an unstable policy.
Colfax cautioned Eugene occasionally in accordance with White's suggestions, but Eugene was now so well aware of what was going on that he could see where they came from. He thought once of accusing White openly in front of Colfax, but he knew that this would not be of any advantage for he had no real evidence to go on. All White's protestations to Colfax were to the effect that he was trying to help him. So the battle lay.
Colfax sometimes warned Eugene based on White's advice, but Eugene was aware enough of the situation to recognize the source of those warnings. He considered openly accusing White in front of Colfax, but he realized that wouldn't help since he had no solid proof. All of White's claims to Colfax were that he was trying to assist him. So, that was where things stood.
In the meantime, Eugene, because of this or the thought rather that he might not always remain as powerful as he was, having no stock in the concern and not being able to buy any, had been interesting himself in a proposition which had since been brought to him by Mr. Kenyon C. Winfield, who, since that memorable conversation at the home of the Willebrands on Long Island, had not forgotten him. Winfield had thought of him for a long time in connection with a plan he had of establishing on the South Shore of Long Island, some thirty-five miles from New York, a magnificent seaside resort which should outrival Palm Beach and the better places of Atlantic City, and give to New York, close at hand, such a dream of beauty and luxury as would turn the vast tide of luxury-loving idlers and successful money grubbers from the former resorts to this. Considerable thought had been given by him as to just what its principal characteristics should be, but he had not worked it out to suit himself exactly, and he thought Eugene might be interested from the outlining point of view.
In the meantime, Eugene was starting to worry that he might not always be as influential as he currently was, especially since he didn’t own any shares in the business and couldn’t buy any. He had become interested in a proposal that Mr. Kenyon C. Winfield brought to him, who, after that unforgettable conversation at the Willebrands' home on Long Island, had kept him in mind. Winfield had been considering Eugene for a while for a plan to create a stunning seaside resort on the South Shore of Long Island, about thirty-five miles from New York. This resort would compete with Palm Beach and the best spots in Atlantic City, offering New Yorkers a beautiful and luxurious escape that would attract luxury-loving visitors and successful businesspeople away from those other resorts. He had put a lot of thought into what its main features should be, but it wasn’t quite fleshed out to his satisfaction, and he thought Eugene might find the initial concepts interesting.
Unfortunately, on the face of it, this was just the sort of scheme which made an appeal to Eugene from all points of view, in spite of the fact that he already had his hands as full as they could be. Nothing interested him quite so much as beauty and luxury in some artistic combination. A summer resort of really imposing proportions, with hotels, casinos, pagodas, resident sections, club houses, a wide board or stone walk along the ocean, and possibly a gambling center which should outrival Monte Carlo, had long since occurred to him as something which might well spring up near New York. He and Angela had visited Palm Beach, Old Point Comfort, Virginia Hot Springs, Newport, Shelter Island, Atlantic City, and Tuxedo, and his impressions [Pg 513] of what constituted luxury and beauty had long since widened to magnificent proportions. He liked the interiors of the Chamberlain at Old Point Comfort, and the Royal Ponciana at Palm Beach. He had studied with artistic curiosity the development of the hotel features at Atlantic City and elsewhere. It had occurred to him that a restricted territory might be had out on the Atlantic Ocean near Gravesend Bay possibly, which would include among other things islands, canals or inland waterways, a mighty sea beach, two or three great hotels, a casino for dancing, dining, gambling, a great stone or concrete walk to be laid out on a new plan parallel with the ocean, and at the back of all these things and between the islands and the ocean a magnificent seaside city where the lots should sell at so expensive a rate that only the well-to-do could afford to live there. His thought was of something so fine that it would attract all the prominent pleasure-lovers he had recently met. If they could be made to understand that such a place existed; that it was beautiful, showy, exclusive in a money sense, they would come there by the thousands.
Unfortunately, on the surface, this was exactly the kind of idea that appealed to Eugene from every angle, even though he was already incredibly busy. Nothing caught his interest more than beauty and luxury in an artistic arrangement. A summer resort with truly impressive features—hotels, casinos, pagodas, residential areas, clubhouses, a broad boardwalk or stone path along the ocean, and possibly a gambling center that could rival Monte Carlo—had long been on his mind as something that could easily be developed near New York. He and Angela had visited Palm Beach, Old Point Comfort, Virginia Hot Springs, Newport, Shelter Island, Atlantic City, and Tuxedo, and his understanding of what defined luxury and beauty had expanded enormously. He appreciated the interiors of the Chamberlain at Old Point Comfort and the Royal Ponciana at Palm Beach. He had analyzed with artistic interest the design aspects of the hotels in Atlantic City and beyond. It occurred to him that a prime location might be available along the Atlantic Ocean near Gravesend Bay, which could include islands, canals or inland waterways, a stunning beach, a couple of large hotels, a casino for dancing, dining, and gambling, a grand stone or concrete walkway laid out in a new design alongside the ocean, and behind all of this, a magnificent seaside city where the lots would be priced so high that only the wealthy could afford to live there. He envisioned something so exquisite that it would draw in all the affluent pleasure-seekers he had recently encountered. If they could be convinced that such a place existed—that it was beautiful, glamorous, and exclusive in a financial sense—they would flock there by the thousands.
"Nothing is so profitable as a luxury, if the luxury-loving public want it," Colfax had once said to him; and he believed it. He judged this truth by the things he had recently seen. People literally spent millions to make themselves comfortable. He had seen gardens, lawns, walks, pavilions, pergolas, laid out at an expense of thousands and hundreds of thousands of dollars, where few would ever see them. In St. Louis he had seen a mausoleum built upon the lines of the Taj Mahal, the lawn about which was undermined by a steam-heating plant in order that the flowers and shrubs displayed there might bloom all winter long. It had never occurred to him that the day would come when he would have anything to do with such a dream as this or its ultimate fruition, but his was the kind of mind that loved to dwell on things of the sort.
"Nothing is as profitable as luxury, if the luxury-loving public craves it," Colfax once told him; and he believed it. He realized this truth from what he had recently observed. People literally spent millions to feel comfortable. He had seen gardens, lawns, walkways, pavilions, and pergolas created at a cost of thousands and even hundreds of thousands of dollars, where only a few would ever see them. In St. Louis, he had seen a mausoleum designed like the Taj Mahal, with a lawn heated by a steam system so that the flowers and shrubs there could bloom all winter long. It had never occurred to him that the day would come when he would be involved in such a dream or its ultimate realization, but he had the kind of mind that loved to ponder things like this.
The proposition which Winfield now genially laid before him one day was simple enough. Winfield had heard that Eugene was making a good deal of money, that his salary was twenty-five thousand a year, if not more, that he had houses and lots and some nice stock investments, and it occurred to him, as it would have to anyone, that Eugene might be able to shoulder a comfortable investment in some kind of land speculation, particularly if he could see his way to make much more money in the long run. The idea Winfield had was as follows: He was going to organize a corporation to be known as The Sea Island Development Company, to be capitalized at ten million dollars, [Pg 514] some two or three hundred thousand dollars of which was to be laid down or paid into the treasury at the start. Against this latter sum stock to the value of one million dollars, or five shares of one hundred dollars par value each, was to be issued. That is, whoever laid down one hundred dollars in cash was to receive in return three shares of common stock and two of preferred, valued at one hundred dollars each, bearing eight per cent. interest. This ratio was to be continued until $200,000 in cash was in the treasury. Then those who came afterward and were willing to buy were only to receive two shares of common and one of preferred, until one million in cash was in the treasury. After that the stock was to be sold at its face value, or more, as the situation might dictate.
The proposal that Winfield casually presented to him one day was pretty straightforward. Winfield had learned that Eugene was making a good amount of money—his salary was around twenty-five thousand a year, if not more. He owned several properties and had nice stock investments, and it struck Winfield, as it would anyone, that Eugene might be able to take on a comfortable investment in some sort of land speculation, especially if he could see the potential for even greater profits in the long run. Winfield's idea was this: he planned to set up a corporation called The Sea Island Development Company, with a total capitalization of ten million dollars, with a couple of hundred thousand dollars to be paid into the treasury upfront. In exchange for this amount, stock worth one million dollars would be issued, specifically five shares at a par value of one hundred dollars each. In simpler terms, anyone who invested one hundred dollars in cash would receive three shares of common stock plus two shares of preferred stock, each valued at one hundred dollars and yielding eight percent interest. This arrangement would continue until $200,000 in cash was in the treasury. After that, new investors would only receive two shares of common and one share of preferred until the total cash in the treasury reached one million dollars. Beyond that point, the stock would be sold at its face value or more, depending on market conditions.
The original sum of two hundred thousands dollars was to go to purchase for the corporation an undeveloped tract of land, half swamp, half island, and facing the Atlantic Ocean beyond Gravesend Bay, now owned by Winfield himself, where a beautiful rolling beach of white sand stretched some three miles in length and without flaw or interruption. This would clear Winfield of a piece of property which was worth, say $60,000, but at present unsaleable, and give him magnificent holdings in the new company besides. He proposed to take a mortgage on this and all improvements the company might make in order to protect himself. At the west end of this tract—inland from the sea—was a beautiful bay, which, though shallow, gave access to a series of inlets and a network of waterways, embracing nine small islands. These waterways, when dredged, would be amply deep enough for yachts and small craft of all descriptions, and the first important thought which occurred to Winfield was that the mud and sand so dredged could be used to fill in the low, marshy levels of soil between them and the sea and so make it all into high, dry, and valuable land. The next thing was to devise a beautiful scheme of improvement, and it was for this that he wished to talk to Eugene.
The original amount of two hundred thousand dollars was meant to buy an undeveloped piece of land for the corporation, which was half swamp, half island, and facing the Atlantic Ocean beyond Gravesend Bay, now owned by Winfield himself. It featured a beautiful, smooth beach of white sand stretching about three miles long without any flaws or interruptions. This purchase would relieve Winfield of a property worth around $60,000, which was currently unsellable, and provide him with significant assets in the new company. He planned to take out a mortgage on this land and any improvements the company might make to protect his investment. At the western end of this tract—further inland from the sea—was a picturesque bay that, although shallow, offered access to a series of inlets and a network of waterways, containing nine small islands. Once dredged, these waterways would be deep enough for yachts and small boats of all kinds, and Winfield's first main idea was that the mud and sand removed during dredging could be used to raise the low, marshy soil levels between the islands and the sea, turning it into high, dry, and valuable land. Next, he needed to come up with a beautiful improvement plan, and that’s why he wanted to talk to Eugene.
CHAPTER III
The matter was not difficult to arrange. Before Winfield had gone ten sentences, Eugene began to take the ideas out of his mind.
The issue was easy to sort out. Before Winfield had finished ten sentences, Eugene started to pull the ideas out of his head.
"I know something of that property," he said, studying a little outline map which Winfield had prepared. "I've been out there duck shooting with Colfax and some others. It's fine property, there's no doubt of it. How much do they want for it?"
"I know a bit about that land," he said, looking over a small map that Winfield had made. "I've been out there duck hunting with Colfax and a few others. It's great land, no doubt about it. How much are they asking for it?"
"Well, as a matter of fact, I already own it," said Winfield. "It cost me sixty thousand dollars five years ago when it was a vast, inaccessible swamp. Nothing has been done to it since, but I will turn it over to the company for what it is worth now—two hundred thousand dollars—and take a mortgage for my protection. Then the company can do what it pleases with it; but as president, of course, I should direct the line of development. If you want to make a fortune and have fifty thousand dollars to spare, here is your chance. This land has increased in value from sixty to two hundred thousand dollars in five years. What do you fancy it will be worth in ten years from now the way New York is growing? It has pretty near four million people now. In twenty-five years it is safe to say that there will be fourteen or fifteen millions scattered over this territory which lies within twenty-five miles. Of course, this is thirty-two miles away on a direct line, but what of it? The Long Island Railroad will be glad to put a spur in there which would bring this territory within one hour of the city. Think of it—one of the finest beaches on the Atlantic Ocean within one hour of New York! I expect to interest Mr. Wiltsie, the President of the Long Island, very heavily in this property. I come to you now because I think your advertising and artistic advice are worth something. You can take it or leave it, but before you do anything, I want you to come out and look over the property with me."
"Well, actually, I already own it," Winfield said. "I bought it for sixty thousand dollars five years ago when it was a huge, unusable swamp. Nothing has been done to it since, but I’ll hand it over to the company for what it’s worth now—two hundred thousand dollars—and take out a mortgage for my security. Then the company can do whatever it wants with it; but as president, I should obviously steer the development direction. If you want to make a fortune and have fifty thousand dollars to spare, here’s your chance. This land has jumped in value from sixty to two hundred thousand dollars in just five years. Can you imagine what it will be worth in ten years, considering how fast New York is growing? It’s nearly at four million people now. In twenty-five years, it’s safe to say there will be fourteen or fifteen million spread across this area within twenty-five miles. Sure, it’s thirty-two miles away in a straight line, but so what? The Long Island Railroad would be happy to put in a spur that would bring this area within an hour of the city. Just think—one of the best beaches on the Atlantic Ocean just an hour from New York! I expect to get Mr. Wiltsie, the President of the Long Island Railroad, very interested in this property. I’m coming to you now because I believe your advertising and design advice are valuable. You can take it or leave it, but before making any decisions, I want you to come out and check out the property with me."
All told, in stocks, land, free money in the banks, and what he might save in a year or two, Eugene had about fifty thousand dollars of good hard cash which he could lay his hands on at a pinch. He was well satisfied that Winfield was putting before him one of those golden opportunities which, prudently managed, would make him a rich man. Nevertheless, his fifty thousand was fifty thousand, and he had it. Never again, however, [Pg 516] once this other thing was under way, if it were true, would he have to worry about a position, or whether he would be able to maintain his present place in society. One could not possibly say what an investment like this might not lead to. Winfield, so he told Eugene, expected eventually to clear six or eight million dollars himself. He was going to take stock in some of the hotels, casinos, and various other enterprises, which would be organized. He could clearly see how, later, once this land was properly drained and laid out, it would be worth from three to fifteen thousand dollars per lot of one hundred by one hundred feet—the smallest portions to be sold. There were islands which for clubs or estates should bring splendid returns. Think of the leases to yacht and boat clubs alone! The company would own all the land.
All in all, in stocks, property, cash in the banks, and what he might save in a year or two, Eugene had about fifty thousand dollars in accessible cash. He was confident that Winfield was presenting him with one of those golden opportunities that, if handled wisely, would make him a wealthy man. Still, his fifty thousand was just that—fifty thousand—and he had it. However, once this other venture took off, if it turned out to be true, he wouldn’t have to worry about his job or whether he could keep his current status in society. One could hardly predict what such an investment could lead to. Winfield, as he told Eugene, anticipated eventually making six to eight million dollars himself. He planned to invest in some hotels, casinos, and various other businesses that would be set up. He could clearly envision how, later on, once this land was properly developed and planned, it would be worth between three and fifteen thousand dollars for each lot measuring one hundred by one hundred feet—the smallest parcels to be sold. There were islands that would provide great returns for clubs or estates. Just think of the leases for yacht and boat clubs alone! The company would own all the land.
"I would develop this myself if I had the capital," said Winfield, "but I want to see it done on a gigantic scale, and I haven't the means. I want something here which will be a monument to me and to all connected with it. I am willing to take my chances pro rata with those who now enter, and to prove my good faith I am going to buy as many shares as I possibly can on the five-for-one basis. You or anyone else can do the same thing. What do you think?"
"I would handle this myself if I had the funds," Winfield said, "but I want to see it done on a massive scale, and I don't have the resources. I want something here that will be a lasting tribute to me and everyone involved. I'm willing to take my chances alongside those who are coming in, and to show I'm serious, I'm going to buy as many shares as I can on the five-for-one deal. You or anyone else can do the same. What do you think?"
"It's a great idea," said Eugene. "It seems as though a dream which had been floating about in the back of my head for years had suddenly come to life. I can scarcely believe that it is true, and yet I know that it is, and that you will get away with it just as you are outlining it here. You want to be very careful how you lay out this property, though. You have the chance of a lifetime. For goodness' sake, don't make any mistakes! Let's have one resort that will be truly, beautifully right."
"That's a fantastic idea," said Eugene. "It feels like a dream that’s been hovering in my mind for years has finally become real. I can hardly believe it’s happening, but I know it is, and that you’ll pull it off just like you’ve described. Just be really careful when you plan this property. You have an incredible opportunity here. Seriously, don’t mess it up! Let’s create a resort that is genuinely beautiful and perfect."
"That's precisely the way I feel about it," answered Winfield, "and that's why I am talking to you. I want you to come in on this, for I think your imagination will be worth something. You can help me lay this thing out right and advertise it right."
"That's exactly how I feel about it," Winfield replied, "and that's why I'm talking to you. I want you to get involved in this because I believe your creativity will be valuable. You can help me organize this properly and market it effectively."
They talked on about one detail and another until finally Eugene, in spite of all his caution, saw his dreams maturing in this particular proposition. Fifty thousand dollars invested here would give him two thousand five hundred shares—one thousand preferred, and fifteen hundred common—whose face value, guaranteed by this magnificent piece of property, would be $250,000. Think of it, $250,000—a quarter of a million and that subject to a natural increase which might readily carry him into the millionaire class! His own brains would be of some value here, for Winfield was anxious to have him lay this out, and this [Pg 517] would bring him in touch with not only one of the best real estate men in the city, but would bring him into contact with a whole host of financiers in business, people who would certainly become interested in this venture. Winfield talked easily of architects, contractors, railroad men, presidents of construction companies, all of whom would take stock for the business opportunities it would bring to them later and also of the many strings to be pulled which later would bring great gains to the company and save it from expenditures which would otherwise mean millions in outlay. Thus this proposed extension by the Long Island which would cost that railroad two hundred thousand dollars would cost the Sea Island Company nothing and would bring thousands of lovers of beauty there the moment conveniences were established to receive them. This was true of hotels to be built. Each would bring business for everything else. The company would lease the ground. The great hotel men would do their own building according to restrictions and plans laid down by the Sea Island Company. The only real expenditure would be for streets, sewers, lights, water, walks, trees, and the great one hundred foot wide boardwalk with concrete ornaments which would be the finest sea stroll in the world. But these could be undertaken by degrees.
They kept discussing one detail after another until finally Eugene, despite all his caution, saw his dreams coming to life with this particular proposal. Investing fifty thousand dollars here would give him two thousand five hundred shares—one thousand preferred and fifteen hundred common—whose total value, backed by this impressive piece of property, would be $250,000. Just think about it, $250,000—a quarter of a million—and that could naturally increase and potentially make him a millionaire! His own intellect would have some value here, as Winfield was eager for him to set this up, and this [Pg 517] would connect him not only with one of the top real estate professionals in the city but also with a whole network of financiers involved in business, people who would definitely take an interest in this project. Winfield casually mentioned architects, contractors, railroad executives, and construction company presidents, all of whom would buy shares for the business opportunities it would bring and the many connections that would lead to significant profits for the company and spare it from expenses that could otherwise mean millions. This proposed extension by the Long Island, which would cost that railroad two hundred thousand dollars, would not cost the Sea Island Company anything and would attract thousands of admirers of beauty as soon as amenities were in place to welcome them. This also applied to hotels that were to be constructed. Each one would generate business for everything else. The company would lease the land. The major hotel operators would handle their own construction according to the guidelines and plans set by the Sea Island Company. The only real costs would be for streets, sewers, lighting, water, pathways, trees, and the impressive one hundred-foot-wide boardwalk with concrete features that would be the best seaside promenade in the world. But these could be developed gradually.
Eugene saw it all. It was a vision of empire. "I don't know about this," he said cautiously. "It's a great thing, but I may not have the means to dip into it. I want to think it over. Meanwhile, I'll be glad to go out there and look over the ground with you."
Eugene saw everything. It was a vision of an empire. "I'm not so sure about this," he said carefully. "It’s an amazing opportunity, but I might not have the resources to get involved. I want to think it through. In the meantime, I’d be happy to go out there and check things out with you."
Winfield could see that he had Eugene fascinated. It would be an easy matter to land him once he had his plans perfected. Eugene would be the type of man who would build a house and come and live there in the summer. He would interest many people whom he knew. He went away feeling that he had made a good start, and he was not mistaken.
Winfield could see that he had Eugene hooked. It would be easy to reel him in once he finalized his plans. Eugene seemed like the kind of guy who would build a house and spend his summers living there. He would attract a lot of people he knew. He left feeling like he had made a great start, and he was right.
Eugene talked the matter over with Angela—his one recourse in these matters—and as usual she was doubtful, but not entirely opposed. Angela had considerable caution, but no great business vision. She could not really tell him what he ought to do. Thus far his judgment, or rather his moves, had been obviously successful. He had been going up apparently because he was valuable as an assistant, not because he was a born leader.
Eugene discussed the situation with Angela—his go-to person in these matters—and as usual, she was uncertain but not completely against it. Angela was quite cautious, but she didn't have much of a vision for business. She couldn’t really advise him on what he should do. So far, his judgment, or rather his actions, had clearly been successful. He had been advancing seemingly because he was a valuable assistant, not because he was a natural leader.
"You'll have to judge for yourself, Eugene," Angela finally said. "I don't know. It looks fine. You certainly don't want to work for Mr. Colfax all your life, and if, as you say, they are beginning to plot against you, you had better prepare to get [Pg 518] out sometime. We have enough now, really, to live on, if you want to return to your art."
"You'll need to decide for yourself, Eugene," Angela finally said. "I’m not sure. It looks good. You definitely don’t want to be working for Mr. Colfax for the rest of your life, and if, like you said, they’re starting to scheme against you, it’s a good idea to get ready to leave sometime. We have enough right now to live on, if you want to go back to your art."
Eugene smiled. "My art. My poor old art! A lot I've done to develop my art."
Eugene smiled. "My art. My poor old art! I've put a lot of effort into developing my art."
"I don't think it needs developing. You have it. I'm sorry sometimes I ever let you leave it. We have lived better, but your work hasn't counted for as much. What good has it done you outside the money to be a successful publisher? You were as famous as you are now before you ever started in on this line, and more so. More people know you even now as Eugene Witla, the artist, than as Eugene Witla, the magazine man."
"I don't think it needs any more work. You have it. I'm sorry I sometimes let you walk away from it. We've lived better, but your contributions haven't mattered as much. What good has being a successful publisher done for you outside of the money? You were already as famous as you are now before you started this path, maybe even more so. More people know you right now as Eugene Witla, the artist, than as Eugene Witla, the magazine guy."
Eugene knew this to be so. His art achievements had never forsaken him. They had grown in fame always. Pictures that he had sold for two hundred and four hundred had gone up to as high as three and four thousand in value, and they were still rising. He was occasionally approached by an art dealer to know if he never intended to paint any more. In social circles it was a constant cry among the elect, "Why don't you paint any longer?" "What a shame you ever left the art world!" "Those pictures of yours, I can never forget them."
Eugene knew this was true. His achievements in art had never let him down. They had continually gained fame. Paintings that he once sold for two hundred or four hundred had increased in value to as much as three and four thousand, and their worth was still climbing. Art dealers occasionally reached out to ask if he had any plans to paint again. In social circles, it was a familiar question among the elite, "Why don’t you paint anymore?" "What a shame you left the art world!" "I can never forget those paintings of yours."
"My dear lady," Eugene once said solemnly, "I can't live by painting pictures as I am living by directing magazines. Art is very lovely. I am satisfied to believe that I am a great painter. Nevertheless, I made little out of it, and since then I have learned to live. It's sad, but it's true. If I could see my way to live in half the comfort I am living in now and not run the risk of plodding the streets with a picture under my arm, I would gladly return to art. The trouble is the world is always so delightfully ready to see the other fellow make the sacrifice for art or literature's sake. Selah! I won't do it. So there!"
"My dear lady," Eugene once said seriously, "I can't survive by painting as I do by editing magazines. Art is truly beautiful. I like to think of myself as a great painter. However, I've earned very little from it, and since then, I've figured out how to get by. It's unfortunate, but it's the truth. If I could find a way to live in even half the comfort I have now without the risk of wandering the streets with a painting under my arm, I'd happily go back to art. The problem is the world is always so wonderfully eager to see someone else make sacrifices for the sake of art or literature. So there! I won't do it."
"It's a pity! It's a pity!" said this observer, but Eugene was not vastly distressed. Similarly Mrs. Dale had reproached him, for she had seen and heard of his work.
"It's a shame! It's a shame!" said this observer, but Eugene wasn't too upset. Likewise, Mrs. Dale had criticized him, as she was aware of his work.
"Some time. Some time," he said grandly; "wait."
"Just a moment. Just a moment," he said dramatically; "hold on."
Now at length this land proposition seemed to clear the way for everything. If Eugene embarked upon it, he might gradually come to the point at which he could take some official position in connection with it. Anyhow, think of a rising income from $250,000! Think of the independence, the freedom! Surely then he could paint or travel, or do as he pleased.
Now, finally, this land deal looked like it could open up all kinds of opportunities. If Eugene pursued it, he might eventually reach a stage where he could hold an official role related to it. Just imagine an increasing income starting at $250,000! Think of the independence, the freedom! Then he could definitely paint, travel, or do whatever he wanted.
As a matter of fact, after two automobile rides to the nearest available position on the site of the future resort and a careful study of the islands and the beach, Eugene devised a scheme which included four hotels of varying sizes, one dining and [Pg 519] dancing casino, one gambling resort after the pattern of Monte Carlo, a summer theatre, a music pavilion, three lovely piers, motor and yacht club houses, a park with radiating streets, and other streets arranged in concentric rings to cross them. There was a grand plaza about which the four hotels were ranged, a noble promenade, three miles in length, to begin with, a handsome railway station, plots for five thousand summer homes, ranging from five to fifteen thousand in price. There were islands for residences, islands for clubs, islands for parks. One of the hotels sat close to an inlet over which a dining veranda was to be built—stairs were to be laid down to the water so that one could step into gondolas or launches and be carried quickly to one of the music pavilions on one of the islands. Everything that money wanted was to be eventually available here, and all was to be gone about slowly but beautifully, so that each step would only make more sure each additional step.
As a matter of fact, after two car rides to the nearest spot on the future resort site and a careful look at the islands and the beach, Eugene came up with a plan that included four hotels of different sizes, a dining and dancing casino, a gambling resort like Monte Carlo, a summer theater, a music pavilion, three beautiful piers, motor and yacht clubhouses, a park with streets radiating out from it, and other streets arranged in concentric rings to intersect them. There was a grand plaza where the four hotels were located, a lovely three-mile-long promenade to start, a nice railway station, and lots for five thousand summer homes, priced between five and fifteen thousand. There were islands for residences, clubs, and parks. One of the hotels was situated close to an inlet where a dining veranda was to be built—stairs were to connect to the water so people could step into gondolas or launches and be taken quickly to one of the music pavilions on one of the islands. Everything one could desire was eventually going to be available here, and everything would be done slowly but beautifully, making each step more certain for the next.
Eugene did not enter on this grand scheme until ten men, himself included, had pledged themselves to take stock up to $50,000 each. Included in these were Mr. Wiltsie, President of the Long Island; Mr. Kenyon C. Winfield, and Milton Willebrand, the very wealthy society man at whose home he had originally met Winfield. The Sea Island Company was then incorporated, and on a series of dates agreed upon between them and which were dependent upon a certain amount of work being accomplished by each date, the stock was issued to them in ten-thousand-dollar lots and then cash taken and deposited in the treasury. By the end of two years after Eugene had first been approached by Winfield he had a choice collection of gold-colored certificates in the Sea Island Realty and Construction Company, which was building the now widely heralded seaside resort—"Blue Sea"—which, according to those interested, was to be the most perfect resort of its kind in the world. His certificates stated that they were worth $250,000, and potentially they were. Eugene and Angela looking at them, thinking of the initiative and foresight of Mr. Kenyon C. Winfield and the men he was associated with, felt sure that some day, and that not so very far distant, they would yield their face value and much more.
Eugene didn't start on this big plan until ten men, himself included, agreed to invest up to $50,000 each. Among them were Mr. Wiltsie, the President of Long Island; Mr. Kenyon C. Winfield; and Milton Willebrand, the very wealthy socialite where Eugene had first met Winfield. The Sea Island Company was then incorporated, and on a series of dates they agreed upon—dependent on completing certain tasks by each date—the stock was issued to them in $10,000 lots, with cash taken and deposited in the treasury. By the end of two years after Eugene was first approached by Winfield, he had a nice collection of gold-colored certificates from the Sea Island Realty and Construction Company, which was building the now-famous seaside resort—"Blue Sea"—which, according to those involved, was going to be the best resort of its kind in the world. His certificates indicated they were worth $250,000, and they very well could be. Eugene and Angela looked at them, reflecting on the initiative and foresight of Mr. Kenyon C. Winfield and his associates, and felt confident that someday, and not too far off, they would redeem their face value and much more.
CHAPTER IV
It had been while he was first perfecting his undertaking with Winfield as to what his relationship to the new Sea Island Construction Company was to be that Eugene had been dwelling more and more fondly upon the impression which Suzanne Dale had originally made upon him. It was six weeks before they met again, and then it was on the occasion of a dance that Mrs. Dale was giving in honor of Suzanne that Eugene and Angela were invited. Mrs. Dale admired Angela's sterling qualities as a wife, and while there might be temperamental and social differences, she did not think they were sufficient to warrant any discrimination between them, at least not on her part. Angela was a good woman—not a social figure at all—but interesting in her way. Mrs. Dale was much more interested in Eugene, because in the first place they were very much alike temperamentally, and in the next place because Eugene was a successful and brilliant person. She liked to see the easy manner in which he took life, the air with which he assumed that talent should naturally open all doors to him. He was not conscious apparently of any inferiority in anything but rather of a splendid superiority. She heard it from so many that he was rapidly rising in his publishing world and that he was interested in many things, the latest this project to create a magnificent summer resort. Winfield was a personal friend of hers. He had never attempted to sell her any property, but he had once said that he might some day take her Staten Island holdings and divide them up into town lots. This was one possibility which tended to make her pleasant to him.
While he was figuring out his role with Winfield at the new Sea Island Construction Company, Eugene found himself increasingly nostalgic about the impression Suzanne Dale had made on him. It had been six weeks since they last met, and their next encounter was at a dance Mrs. Dale hosted in honor of Suzanne, to which Eugene and Angela were invited. Mrs. Dale appreciated Angela's wonderful qualities as a wife and, although there were some differences in temperament and social standing, she didn’t think those were enough to treat them differently, at least not from her perspective. Angela was a good woman—not really a socialite—but interesting in her own way. Mrs. Dale was more interested in Eugene because they shared similar temperaments and because he was successful and talented. She admired his laid-back approach to life and the way he seemed to believe that his talent would effortlessly open every door for him. He didn’t seem to feel inferior in any aspect and instead carried himself with a sense of impressive superiority. She heard from many people that he was quickly climbing the ranks in the publishing world and was involved in various projects, the most recent being a plan to create an amazing summer resort. Winfield was a personal friend of hers. He had never tried to sell her any property, but he once mentioned that he might eventually take her Staten Island holdings and turn them into town lots. That idea made her view him favorably.
The evening in question Eugene and Angela went down to Daleview in their automobile. Eugene always admired this district, for it gave him a sense of height and scope which was not easily attainable elsewhere about New York. It was still late winter and the night was cold but clear. The great house with its verandas encased in glass was brightly lit. There were a number of people—men and women, whom Eugene had met at various places, and quite a number of young people whom he did not know. Angela had to be introduced to a great many, and Eugene felt that peculiar sensation which he so often experienced of a certain incongruity in his matrimonial state. Angela was [Pg 521] nice, but to him she was not like these other women who carried themselves with such an air. There was a statuesqueness and a sufficiency about many of them, to say nothing of their superb beauty and sophistication which made him feel, when the contrast was forced upon him closely, that he had made a terrible mistake. Why had he been so silly as to marry? He could have told Angela frankly that he would not at the time, and all would have been well. He forgot how badly, emotionally, he had entangled himself. But scenes like these made him dreadfully unhappy. Why, his life if he were single would now be but beginning!
The evening in question, Eugene and Angela drove down to Daleview in their car. Eugene always admired this neighborhood because it gave him a sense of height and openness that wasn't easy to find elsewhere in New York. It was still late winter, and the night was cold but clear. The grand house with its glass-enclosed verandas was brightly lit. There were several people—men and women—that Eugene had met at different events, along with a number of young people he didn’t know. Angela needed to be introduced to many of them, and Eugene felt that familiar sensation he often experienced, a certain incongruity in his marriage. Angela was nice, but to him, she didn’t have the same presence as these other women who carried themselves with such confidence. Many of them had a statuesque quality and an air of self-assuredness, not to mention their stunning beauty and sophistication, which made him painfully aware of the disparity, leading him to think he made a huge mistake. Why had he been so foolish as to marry? He could have honestly told Angela he wasn't ready at the time, and everything would have turned out fine. He forgot how emotionally tangled he'd become. But situations like this made him incredibly unhappy. If he were single, his life would be just beginning!
As he walked round tonight he was glad to be free socially even for a few minutes. He was glad that first this person and that took the trouble to talk to Angela. It relieved him of the necessity of staying near her, for if he neglected her or she felt neglected by others she was apt to reproach him. If he did not show her attention, she would complain that he was conspicuous in his indifference. If others refused to talk to her, it was his place. He should. Eugene objected to this necessity with all his soul, but he did not see what he was to do about it. As she often said, even if he had made a mistake in marrying her, it was his place to stick by her now that he had. A real man would.
As he walked around tonight, he felt relieved to be socially free, even for a few minutes. He was thankful that this person and that person took the time to talk to Angela. It freed him from having to stay close to her because if he didn’t pay enough attention or if she felt ignored by others, she would likely express her disappointment towards him. If he didn’t show her attention, she would complain that he was being obviously indifferent. If others weren’t talking to her, it was his responsibility to step in. He should. Eugene hated this obligation with all his being, but he didn’t know what he could do about it. As she often said, even if he had made a mistake by marrying her, it was his job to support her now that he had. A real man would.
One of the things that interested him was the number of beautiful young women. He was interested to see how full and complete mentally and physically so many girls appeared to be at eighteen. Why, in their taste, shrewdness, completeness, they were fit mates for a man of almost any age up to forty! Some of them looked so wonderful to him—so fresh and ruddy with the fires of ambition and desire burning briskly in their veins. Beautiful girls—real flowers, like roses, light and dark. And to think the love period was all over for him—completely over!
One of the things that caught his attention was the number of beautiful young women. He found it fascinating to see how full and well-rounded many girls seemed to be at eighteen, both mentally and physically. In terms of their taste, intelligence, and completeness, they were suitable partners for a man of almost any age up to forty! Some of them looked so incredible to him—so fresh and vibrant, with the fires of ambition and desire burning brightly in their veins. Beautiful girls—real flowers, like roses, both light and dark. And to think the time for love was completely over for him!
Suzanne came down with others after a while from some room upstairs, and once more Eugene was impressed with her simple, natural, frank, good-natured attitude. Her light chestnut-colored hair was tied with a wide band of light blue ribbon which matched her eyes and contrasted well with her complexion. Again, her dress was some light flimsy thing, the color of peach blossoms, girdled with ribbon and edged with flowers like a wreath. Soft white sandals held her feet.
Suzanne came down with a few others after a while from some room upstairs, and once again, Eugene was struck by her straightforward, genuine, friendly demeanor. Her light chestnut hair was tied back with a wide light blue ribbon that matched her eyes and complemented her complexion. Again, she wore a light, airy dress in a peach blossom hue, cinched with a ribbon and adorned with flowers like a wreath. Soft white sandals adorned her feet.
"Oh, Mr. Witla!" she said gaily, holding out her smooth white arm on a level with her eyes and dropping her hand gracefully. Her red lips were parted, showing even white teeth, arching into a radiant smile. Her eyes were quite wide as he remembered, with an innocent, surprised look in them, which was [Pg 522] wholly unconscious with her. If wet roses could outrival a maiden in all her freshness, he thought he would like to see it. Nothing could equal the beauty of a young woman in her eighteenth or nineteenth year.
"Oh, Mr. Witla!" she said cheerfully, extending her smooth white arm to meet his gaze and letting her hand fall gracefully. Her red lips were slightly parted, revealing even white teeth and forming a radiant smile. Her eyes were wide, just as he remembered, filled with an innocent, surprised expression that she was completely unaware of. If wet roses could outshine a girl in all her freshness, he thought he would love to see that. Nothing could compare to the beauty of a young woman at eighteen or nineteen.
"Yes, quite, Mr. Witla," he said, beaming. "I thought you had forgotten. My, we look charming this evening! We look like roses and cut flowers and stained-glass windows and boxes of jewels, and, and, and——"
"Yes, absolutely, Mr. Witla," he said, smiling brightly. "I thought you had forgotten. Wow, we look amazing this evening! We look like roses, fresh flowers, stained-glass windows, and boxes of jewels, and, and, and——"
He pretended to be lost for more words and looked quizzically up at the ceiling.
He acted like he couldn't find the right words and gazed curiously at the ceiling.
Suzanne began to laugh. Like Eugene, she had a marked sense of the comic and the ridiculous. She was not in the least vain, and the idea of being like roses and boxes of jewels and stained-glass windows tickled her fancy.
Suzanne started to laugh. Like Eugene, she had a strong sense of humor and what was absurd. She wasn't at all vain, and the thought of being compared to roses, boxes of jewels, and stained-glass windows amused her.
"Why, that's quite a collection of things to be, isn't it?" she laughed, her lips parted. "I wouldn't mind being all those things if I could, particularly the jewels. Mama won't give me any. I can't even get a brooch for my throat."
"Wow, that's quite a list of things to be, isn't it?" she laughed, her lips slightly parted. "I wouldn't mind being all those things if I could, especially the jewels. Mom won't give me any. I can't even get a brooch for my neck."
"Mama is real mean, apparently," said Eugene vigorously. "We'll have to talk to mama, but she knows, you know, that you don't need any jewels, see? She knows that you have something which is just as good, or better. But we won't talk about that, will we?"
"Mama is really mean, it seems," Eugene said emphatically. "We need to have a conversation with mama, but she understands, you know, that you don’t need any jewels, right? She knows you have something that’s just as valuable, or even better. But we won't discuss that, will we?"
Suzanne had been afraid that he was going to begin complimenting her, but seeing how easily he avoided this course she liked him for it. She was a little overawed by his dignity and mental capacity, but attracted by his gaiety and lightness of manner.
Suzanne had been worried he was going to start complimenting her, but seeing how effortlessly he steered clear of that made her appreciate him more. She felt a bit intimidated by his dignity and intelligence, but she was drawn to his cheerful and easygoing nature.
"Do you know, Mr. Witla," she said, "I believe you like to tease people."
"Do you know, Mr. Witla," she said, "I think you enjoy teasing people."
"Oh, no!" said Eugene. "Oh, never, never! Nothing like that. How could I? Tease people! Far be it from me! That's the very last thing I ever think of doing. I always approach people in a very solemn manner and tell them the dark sad truth. It's the only way. They need it. The more truth I tell the better I feel. And then they like me so much better for it."
"Oh, no!" said Eugene. "Oh, never, ever! Nothing like that. How could I? Tease people! That’s the very last thing I’d ever think of doing. I always approach people very seriously and tell them the dark, sad truth. It’s the only way. They need it. The more truth I share, the better I feel. And they appreciate me so much more for it."
At the first rush of his quizzical tirade Suzanne's eyes opened quaintly, inquiringly. Then she began to smile, and in a moment after he ceased she exclaimed: "Oh, ha! ha! Oh, dear! Oh, dear, how you talk!" A ripple of laughter spread outward, and Eugene frowned darkly.
At the start of his puzzling rant, Suzanne's eyes widened in curiosity. Then she started to smile, and as soon as he finished, she exclaimed: "Oh, ha! ha! Oh, dear! Oh, dear, you really have a way with words!" A wave of laughter spread around, and Eugene frowned deeply.
"How dare you laugh?" he said. "Don't laugh at me. It's against the rules to laugh, anyhow. Don't you remember growing [Pg 523] girls should never laugh? Solemnity is the first rule of beauty. Never smile. Keep perfectly solemn. Look wise. Hence. Therefore. If. And——"
"How can you laugh?" he said. "Don't laugh at me. It's not allowed to laugh, anyway. Don't you remember that girls should never laugh? Seriousness is the first rule of beauty. Never smile. Stay completely serious. Look wise. So. Therefore. If. And——"
He lifted a finger solemnly, and Suzanne stared. He had fixed her eye with his and was admiring her pretty chin and nose and lips, while she gazed not knowing what to make of him. He was very different; very much like a boy, and yet very much like a solemn, dark master of some kind.
He raised a finger seriously, and Suzanne watched. He had locked eyes with her, admiring her pretty chin, nose, and lips, while she looked on, unsure of what to think of him. He was really different; very much like a boy, yet also resembling a serious, dark master of some sort.
"You almost frighten me," she said.
"You kind of scare me," she said.
"Now, now, listen! It's all over. Come to. I'm just a silly-billy. Are you going to dance with me this evening?"
"Hey, hey, listen up! It's all done. Wake up. I'm just being goofy. Are you going to dance with me tonight?"
"Why, certainly, if you want me to! Oh, that reminds me! We have cards. Did you get one?"
"Of course, if that's what you want! Oh, that reminds me! We have cards. Did you get one?"
"No."
"Nope."
"Well, they're over here, I think."
"Well, I think they're over here."
She led the way toward the reception hall, and Eugene took from the footman who was stationed there two of the little books.
She walked ahead toward the reception hall, and Eugene collected two of the small books from the footman who was standing there.
"Let's see," he said, writing, "how greedy dare I be?"
"Let’s see," he said, writing, "how greedy can I be?"
Suzanne made no reply.
Suzanne didn't respond.
"If I take the third and the sixth and the tenth would that be too many?"
"If I take the third, sixth, and tenth, would that be too much?"
"No-o," said Suzanne doubtfully.
"No," said Suzanne doubtfully.
He wrote in hers and his and then they went back to the drawing-room where so many were now moving. "Will you be sure and save me these?"
He wrote in her book and his, and then they went back to the living room where many people were now moving around. "Will you make sure to save these for me?"
"Why, certainly," she replied. "To be sure, I will!"
"Of course," she replied. "Absolutely, I will!"
"That's nice of you. And now here comes your mother. Remember, you mustn't ever, ever, ever laugh. It's against the rules."
"That's really nice of you. And now here comes your mom. Remember, you must never, ever laugh. It's against the rules."
Suzanne went away, thinking. She was pleased at the gaiety of this man who seemed so light-hearted and self-sufficient. He seemed like someone who took her as a little girl, so different from the boys she knew who were solemn in her presence and rather love sick. He was the kind of man one could have lots of fun with without subjecting one's self to undue attention and having to explain to her mother. Her mother liked him. But she soon forgot him in the chatter of other people.
Suzanne walked away, deep in thought. She was happy about the carefree nature of this guy who seemed so light-hearted and independent. He felt like someone who viewed her as a playful little girl, so unlike the boys she knew who were serious around her and a bit lovesick. He was the kind of guy you could enjoy yourself with without attracting too much attention or having to explain things to her mom. Her mom liked him. But she quickly forgot about him in the buzz of other conversations.
Eugene was thinking again, though, of the indefinable something in the spirit of this girl which was attracting him so vigorously. What was it? He had seen hundreds of girls in the last few years, all charming, but somehow this one—— She seemed so strong, albeit so new and young. There was a poise there—a substantial quality in her soul which could laugh at life [Pg 524] and think no ill of it. That was it or something of it, for of course her beauty was impressive, but a courageous optimism was shining out through her eyes. It was in her laugh, her mood. She would never be afraid.
Eugene was once again thinking about the unexplainable quality in this girl’s spirit that drew him in so strongly. What was it? He had met hundreds of girls over the past few years, all of them charming, but this one was different—she seemed so strong, even though she was so new and young. There was a confidence about her—a deep quality in her soul that could laugh at life and not think poorly of it. That was part of it, because of course her beauty was striking, but a brave optimism shone through her eyes. It was in her laughter, in her mood. She would never be afraid. [Pg 524]
The dance began after ten, and Eugene danced with first one and then another—Angela, Mrs. Dale, Mrs. Stevens, Miss Willy. When the third set came he went looking for Suzanne and found her talking to another young girl and two society men.
The dance started after ten, and Eugene danced with one person and then another—Angela, Mrs. Dale, Mrs. Stevens, Miss Willy. When the third set began, he went to look for Suzanne and found her chatting with another young girl and two social guys.
"Mine, you know," he said smilingly.
"Mine, you know," he said with a smile.
She came out to him laughing, stretching her arm in a sinuous way, quite unconscious of the charming figure she made. She had a way of throwing back her head which revealed her neck in beautiful lines. She looked into Eugene's eyes simply and unaffectedly, returning his smile with one of her own. And when they began to dance he felt as though he had never really danced before.
She came out to him laughing, stretching her arm in a smooth way, completely unaware of how charming she looked. She had a way of tilting her head back that showed off her neck in lovely lines. She looked into Eugene's eyes naturally and without pretense, matching his smile with one of her own. And when they started dancing, he felt like he had never really danced before.
What was it the poet said of the poetry of motion? This was it. This was it. This girl could dance wonderfully, sweetly, as a fine voice sings. She seemed to move like the air with the sound of the two-step coming from an ambush of flowers, and Eugene yielded himself instinctively to the charm—the hypnotism of it. He danced and in dancing forgot everything except this vision leaning upon his arm and the sweetness of it all. Nothing could equal this emotion, he said to himself. It was finer than anything he had ever experienced. There was joy in it, pure delight, an exquisite sense of harmony; and even while he was congratulating himself the music seemed to hurry to a finish. Suzanne had looked up curiously into his eyes.
What did the poet say about the poetry of movement? This was it. This was it. This girl could dance beautifully, sweetly, like a fine voice singing. She seemed to move like the air, with the sound of a two-step coming from a bunch of flowers, and Eugene found himself instinctively drawn to her charm—the hypnotic quality of it. He danced and, while dancing, forgot everything except this vision leaning on his arm and the sweetness of it all. Nothing could match this feeling, he thought. It was better than anything he had ever felt. There was joy in it, pure delight, an exquisite sense of harmony; and even as he was congratulating himself, the music seemed to rush to an end. Suzanne had looked up curiously into his eyes.
"You like dancing, don't you?" she said.
"You like dancing, right?" she said.
"I do, but I don't dance well."
"I do, but I'm not a good dancer."
"Oh, I think so!" she replied. "You dance so easily."
"Oh, I think so!" she said. "You dance so effortlessly."
"It is because of you," he said simply. "You have the soul of the dance in you. Most people dance poorly, like myself."
"It’s because of you," he said plainly. "You have the spirit of the dance within you. Most people dance badly, like I do."
"I don't think so," she said, hanging on to his arm as they walked toward a seat. "Oh, there's Kinroy! He has the next with me."
"I don't think so," she said, holding onto his arm as they walked toward a seat. "Oh, there’s Kinroy! He’s next to me."
Eugene looked at her brother almost angrily. Why should circumstances rob him of her company in this way? Kinroy looked like her—he was very handsome for a boy.
Eugene shot her brother an annoyed glance. Why should circumstances keep him from her company like this? Kinroy resembled her—he was quite attractive for a boy.
"Well, then, I have to give you up. I wish there were more."
"Well, I guess I have to let you go. I wish there was more."
He left her only to wait impatiently for the sixth and the tenth. He knew it was silly to be interested in her in this way, for nothing could come of it. She was a young girl hedged [Pg 525] about by all the conventions and safeguards which go to make for the perfect upbringing of girlhood. He was a man past the period of her interest, watched over by conventions and interests also. There could be absolutely nothing between them, and yet he longed for her just the same, for just this little sip of the nectar of make-believe. For a few minutes in her company, married or not, so many years older or not, he could be happy in her company, teasing her. That sense of dancing—that sense of perfect harmony with beauty—when had he ever experienced that before?
He left her only to wait impatiently for the sixth and the tenth. He knew it was silly to feel this way about her, because nothing could come of it. She was a young girl surrounded by all the rules and protections that are supposed to ensure a proper upbringing for girls. He was a man past the age of her interest, also bound by rules and expectations. There could be absolutely nothing between them, and yet he longed for her just the same, for just this little taste of the fantasy. For a few minutes in her presence, whether married or not, so many years older or not, he could find happiness just being with her, teasing her. That feeling of dancing—that sense of perfect harmony with beauty—when had he ever felt that before?
The night went by, and at one he and Angela went home. She had been entertained by some young officer in the army stationed at Fort Wadsworth who had known her brother David. That had made the evening pleasant for her. She commented on Mrs. Dale and Suzanne, what a charming hostess the former was and how pretty and gay Suzanne looked, but Eugene manifested little interest. He did not want it to appear that he had been interested in Suzanne above any of the others.
The night passed, and at one o'clock, he and Angela headed home. She had spent the evening with a young officer from the army stationed at Fort Wadsworth, who had known her brother David. That made the evening enjoyable for her. She mentioned Mrs. Dale and Suzanne, saying how lovely a hostess Mrs. Dale was and how pretty and cheerful Suzanne looked, but Eugene seemed uninterested. He didn’t want it to seem like he had been more interested in Suzanne than in anyone else.
"Yes, she's very nice," he said. "Rather pretty; but she's like all girls at that age. I like to tease them."
"Yeah, she's really nice," he said. "Pretty cute; but she's like all girls that age. I like to mess with them."
Angela wondered whether Eugene had really changed for good. He seemed saner in all his talk concerning women. Perhaps large affairs had cured him completely, though she could not help feeling that he must be charmed and delighted by the beauty of some of the women whom he saw.
Angela wondered if Eugene had truly changed for good. He seemed more reasonable in everything he said about women. Maybe big relationships had completely fixed him, but she couldn’t shake the feeling that he must be enchanted and thrilled by the beauty of some of the women he met.
Five weeks more went by and then he saw Suzanne one day with her mother on Fifth Avenue, coming out of an antique shop. Mrs. Dale explained that she was looking after the repair of a rare piece of furniture. Eugene and Suzanne were enabled to exchange but a few gay words. Four weeks later he met them at the Brentwood Hadleys, in Westchester. Suzanne and her mother were enjoying a season of spring riding. Eugene was there for only a Saturday afternoon and Sunday. On this occasion he saw her coming in at half-past four wearing a divided riding skirt and looking flushed and buoyant. Her lovely hair was flowing lightly about her temples.
Five weeks went by, and one day he spotted Suzanne with her mother on Fifth Avenue, coming out of an antique shop. Mrs. Dale explained that she was overseeing the repair of a rare piece of furniture. Eugene and Suzanne were able to exchange just a few cheerful words. Four weeks later, he ran into them at the Brentwood Hadleys in Westchester. Suzanne and her mother were enjoying spring riding season. Eugene was only there for Saturday afternoon and Sunday. On this occasion, he saw her coming in at four-thirty, wearing a divided riding skirt and looking vibrant and energized. Her beautiful hair flowed lightly around her temples.
"Oh, how are you?" she asked, with that same inconsequent air, her hand held out to him at a high angle. "I saw you last in Fifth Avenue, didn't I? Mama was having her chair fixed. Ha, ha! She's such a slow rider! I've left her miles behind. Are you going to be here long?"
"Oh, how are you?" she asked, with that same casual vibe, her hand extended to him at an angle. "I saw you last on Fifth Avenue, right? Mom was getting her chair fixed. Ha, ha! She's such a slow rider! I've left her way behind. Are you going to be around for a while?"
"Just today and tomorrow."
"Only today and tomorrow."
He looked at her, pretending gaiety and indifference.
He looked at her, pretending to be cheerful and unconcerned.
"Is Mrs. Witla here?"
"Is Mrs. Witla around?"
[Pg 526] "No, she couldn't come. A relative of hers is in the city."
[Pg 526] "No, she couldn't make it. A family member of hers is in town."
"I need a bath terribly," said the desire of his eyes, and passed on, calling back: "I'll see you again before dinner, very likely."
"I really need a bath," said the one he was drawn to, and walked away, calling back: "I'll probably see you again before dinner."
Eugene sighed.
Eugene let out a sigh.
She came down after an hour, dressed in a flowered organdie, a black silk band about her throat, a low collar showing her pretty neck. She picked up a magazine, passing a wicker table, and came down the veranda where Eugene was sitting alone. Her easy manner interested him, and her friendliness. She liked him well enough to be perfectly natural with him and to seek him out where he was sitting once she saw he was there.
She came down after an hour, wearing a floral organdy dress and a black silk ribbon around her neck, with a low collar that showcased her beautiful neck. She grabbed a magazine as she walked past a wicker table and made her way down the veranda where Eugene was sitting alone. Her relaxed demeanor caught his attention, along with her friendliness. She liked him enough to feel completely at ease and to approach him once she noticed he was there.
"Oh, here you are!" she said, and sat down, taking a chair which was near him.
"Oh, there you are!" she said, then sat down in the chair next to him.
"Yes, here I am," he said, and began teasing her as usual, for it was the only way in which he knew how to approach her. Suzanne responded vivaciously, for Eugene's teasing delighted her. It was the one kind of humor she really enjoyed.
"Yes, here I am," he said, and started playfully teasing her like he always did, because that was the only way he knew how to connect with her. Suzanne reacted with energy, as Eugene's teasing made her happy. It was the one type of humor she truly loved.
"You know, Mr. Witla," she said to him once, "I'm not going to laugh at any of your jokes any more. They're all at my expense."
"You know, Mr. Witla," she said to him once, "I'm not going to laugh at any of your jokes anymore. They're all at my expense."
"That makes it all the nicer," he said. "You wouldn't want me to make jokes at my expense, would you? That would be a terrible joke."
"That makes it all the better," he said. "You wouldn't want me to make jokes at my own expense, would you? That would be a terrible joke."
She laughed and he smiled. They looked at a golden sunset filtering through a grove of tender maples. The spring was young and the leaves just budding.
She laughed and he smiled. They looked at a golden sunset streaming through a grove of young maples. Spring was just starting, and the leaves were just beginning to bud.
"Isn't it lovely tonight?" he asked.
"Isn't it nice tonight?" he asked.
"Oh, yes!" she exclaimed, in a mellow, meditative voice, the first ring of deep sincerity in it that he ever noticed there.
"Oh, yes!" she exclaimed, in a warm, thoughtful voice, the first hint of genuine sincerity in it that he had ever noticed there.
"Do you like nature?" he asked.
"Do you like nature?" he asked.
"Do I?" she returned. "I can't get enough of the woods these days. I feel so queer sometimes, Mr. Witla. As though I were not really alive at all, you know. Just a sound, or a color in the woods."
"Do I?" she replied. "I can't get enough of the woods lately. Sometimes I feel so strange, Mr. Witla. Like I'm not really alive at all, you know? Just a sound or a color in the woods."
He stopped and looked at her. The simile caught him quite as any notable characteristic in anyone would have caught him. What was the color and complexity of this girl's mind? Was she so wise, so artistic and so emotional that nature appealed to her in a deep way? Was this wonderful charm that he felt the shadow or radiance of something finer still?
He paused and gazed at her. The comparison struck him just like any remarkable trait in someone would have. What was the color and depth of this girl's mind? Was she so wise, so creative, and so emotional that nature resonated with her on a profound level? Was this incredible charm he sensed a reflection or glow of something even more exquisite?
"So that's the way it is, is it?" he asked.
"So that's how it is, huh?" he asked.
"Yes," she said quietly.
"Yeah," she said softly.
He sat and looked at her, and she eyed him as solemnly.
He sat and looked at her, and she gazed back at him just as seriously.
"Why do you look at me so?" she asked.
"Why are you looking at me like that?" she asked.
[Pg 527] "Why do you say such curious things?" he answered.
[Pg 527] "Why do you say such weird things?" he replied.
"What did I say?"
"What did I say?"
"I don't believe you really know. Well, never mind. Let us walk, will you? Do you mind? It's still an hour to dinner. I'd like to go over and see what's beyond those trees."
"I don't think you really know. Anyway, let's walk, okay? Do you mind? There's still an hour until dinner. I'd like to check out what's beyond those trees."
They went down a little path bordered with grass and under green budding twigs. It came to a stile finally and looked out upon a stony green field where some cows were pasturing.
They walked down a small path lined with grass and under green, budding branches. It eventually led to a stile and opened up to a rocky green field where several cows were grazing.
"Oh, the spring! The spring!" exclaimed Eugene, and Suzanne answered: "You know, Mr. Witla, I think we must be something alike in some ways. That's just the way I feel."
"Oh, spring! Spring!" exclaimed Eugene, and Suzanne replied, "You know, Mr. Witla, I think we must be somewhat similar in some ways. That's exactly how I feel."
"How do you know how I feel?"
"How do you know what I’m feeling?"
"I can tell by your voice," she said.
"I can tell by your voice," she said.
"Can you, really?"
"Are you sure you can?"
"Why, yes. Why shouldn't I?"
"Of course. Why shouldn't I?"
"What a strange girl you are!" he said thoughtfully. "I don't think I understand you quite."
"What a strange girl you are!" he said thoughtfully. "I don't think I fully understand you."
"Why, why, am I so different from everyone else?"
"Why, why am I so different from everyone else?"
"Quite, quite," he said; "at least to me. I have never seen anyone quite like you before."
"Absolutely," he said; "at least to me. I've never seen anyone quite like you before."
CHAPTER V
It was after this meeting that vague consciousness came to Suzanne that Mr. Witla, as she always thought of him to herself, was just a little more than very nice to her. He was so gentle, so meditative, and withal so gay when he was near her! He seemed fairly to bubble whenever he came into her presence, never to have any cause for depression or gloom such as sometimes seized on her when she was alone. He was always immaculately dressed, and had great affairs, so her mother said. They discussed him once at table at Daleview, and Mrs. Dale said she thought he was charming.
It was after this meeting that a vague awareness hit Suzanne that Mr. Witla, as she always thought of him, was a little more than just very nice to her. He was so gentle, so thoughtful, and so cheerful when he was around her! He seemed to light up every time he entered her space, never showing any signs of sadness or gloom like she sometimes felt when she was alone. He was always perfectly dressed and had important business, or so her mother said. They talked about him once at the dinner table at Daleview, and Mrs. Dale mentioned that she thought he was charming.
"He's one of the nicest fellows that comes here, I think," said Kinroy. "I don't like that stick, Woodward."
"He's one of the nicest guys who comes here, I think," said Kinroy. "I don't like that stick, Woodward."
He was referring to another man of about Eugene's age who admired his mother.
He was talking about another guy around Eugene's age who looked up to his mom.
"Mrs. Witla is such a queer little woman," said Suzanne. "She's so different from Mr. Witla. He's so gay and good-natured, and she's so reserved. Is she as old as he is, mama?"
"Mrs. Witla is such a strange little woman," said Suzanne. "She's so different from Mr. Witla. He's so cheerful and easygoing, and she's so reserved. Is she as old as he is, mom?"
"I don't think so," said Mrs. Dale, who was deceived by Angela's apparent youth. "What makes you ask?"
"I don't think so," said Mrs. Dale, who was fooled by Angela's seeming youth. "Why do you ask?"
"Oh, I just wondered!" said Suzanne, who was vaguely curious concerning things in connection with Eugene.
"Oh, I was just wondering!" said Suzanne, who was somewhat curious about things related to Eugene.
There were several other meetings, one of which Eugene engineered, once when he persuaded Angela to invite Suzanne and her mother to a spring night revel they were having at the studio, and the other when he and Angela were invited to the Willebrands, where the Dales were also.
There were a few other meetings, one of which Eugene set up, when he convinced Angela to invite Suzanne and her mom to a spring night party they were having at the studio, and the other when he and Angela got invited to the Willebrands', where the Dales were as well.
Angela was always with him. Mrs. Dale almost always with Suzanne. There were a few conversations, but they were merely gay, inconsequent make-believe talks, in which Suzanne saw Eugene as one who was forever happy. She little discerned the brooding depths of longing that lay beneath his gay exterior.
Angela was always by his side. Mrs. Dale was mostly with Suzanne. They had a few conversations, but they were just cheerful, meaningless chats where Suzanne saw Eugene as someone who was always happy. She barely noticed the deep feelings of longing hidden beneath his cheerful surface.
The climax was brought about, however, when one July day after a short visit to one of the summer resorts, Angela was taken ill. She had always been subject to colds and sore throats, and these peculiar signs, which are associated by medical men with latent rheumatism, finally culminated in this complaint. Angela had also been pronounced to have a weak heart, and this combined with a sudden, severe rheumatic attack completely prostrated her. A trained nurse had to be called, and Angela's [Pg 529] sister Marietta was sent for. Eugene's sister Myrtle, who now lived in New York, was asked by him to come over and take charge, and under her supervision, pending Marietta's arrival, his household went forward smoothly enough. The former, being a full-fledged Christian Scientist, having been instantly cured, as she asserted, of a long-standing nervous complaint, was for calling a Christian Science practitioner, but Eugene would have none of it. He could not believe that there was anything in this new religious theory, and thought Angela needed a doctor. He sent for a specialist in her complaint. He pronounced that six weeks at the least, perhaps two months, must elapse before Angela would be able to sit up again.
The climax came one July day after a brief trip to a summer resort when Angela fell ill. She had always been prone to colds and sore throats, and these unusual symptoms, which doctors associated with latent rheumatism, finally led to this condition. Angela had also been diagnosed with a weak heart, and the combination of that with a sudden, severe rheumatic attack completely knocked her out. A trained nurse had to be called, and Angela's [Pg 529] sister Marietta was contacted. Eugene's sister Myrtle, who now lived in New York, was asked by him to come over and take charge, and under her supervision, while they waited for Marietta to arrive, his household managed to run smoothly enough. Myrtle, being a committed Christian Scientist and claiming to have been instantly cured of a long-term nervous issue, wanted to call a Christian Science practitioner, but Eugene refused. He couldn’t believe in this new religious theory and thought Angela needed a doctor. He called in a specialist for her condition. He stated that it would take at least six weeks, perhaps two months, before Angela would be able to sit up again.
"Her system is full of rheumatism," said her physician. "She is in a very bad way. Rest and quiet, and constant medication will bring her round."
"Her body is full of rheumatism," said her doctor. "She's in really poor condition. Rest, peace, and ongoing medication will help her recover."
Eugene was sorry. He did not want to see her suffer, but her sickness did not for one minute alter his mental attitude. In fact, he did not see how it could. It did not change their relative mental outlook in any way. Their peculiar relationship of guardian and restless ward was quite unaffected.
Eugene felt regret. He didn’t want to see her in pain, but her illness didn’t change his perspective at all. In fact, he couldn’t see how it would. It didn’t alter the way they viewed things mentally. Their unusual relationship of guardian and restless ward remained completely unchanged.
All social functions of every kind were now abandoned and Eugene stayed at home every evening, curious to see what the outcome would be. He wanted to see how the trained nurse did her work and what the doctor thought would be the next step. He had a great deal to do at all times, reading, consulting, and many of those who wished to confer with him came to the apartment of an evening. All those who knew them socially at all intimately called or sent messages of condolence, and among those who came were Mrs. Dale and Suzanne. The former because Eugene had been so nice to her in a publishing way and was shortly going to bring out her first attempt at a novel was most assiduous. She sent flowers and came often, proffering the services of Suzanne for any day that the nurse might wish to be off duty or Myrtle could not be present. She thought Angela might like to have Suzanne read to her. At least the offer sounded courteous and was made in good faith.
All social events were now canceled, and Eugene stayed home every evening, eager to see what would happen. He wanted to observe how the nurse handled her tasks and what the doctor believed the next steps would be. He was always busy, reading, consulting, and many people who wanted to meet with him came to the apartment in the evenings. Everyone who knew them socially reached out with condolences, including Mrs. Dale and Suzanne. Mrs. Dale, in particular, was attentive because Eugene had been kind to her regarding her publishing efforts and was about to publish her first novel. She frequently sent flowers and visited, offering Suzanne's help on days when the nurse might be off or Myrtle couldn't be there. She thought Angela might appreciate having Suzanne read to her. At the very least, the offer was polite and made sincerely.
Suzanne did not come alone at first, but after a time, when Angela had been ill four weeks and Eugene had stood the heat of the town apartment nightly for the chance of seeing her, she did. Mrs. Dale suggested that he should run down to her place over Saturday and Sunday. It was not far. They were in close telephone communication. It would rest him.
Suzanne didn’t come by herself at first, but after a while, when Angela had been sick for four weeks and Eugene had endured the heat of the town apartment every night for the chance to see her, she did. Mrs. Dale suggested that he should head over to her place for the weekend. It wasn't far. They were in constant phone contact. It would give him a break.
Eugene, though Angela had suggested it a number of times [Pg 530] before, had refused to go to any seaside resort or hotel, even for Saturday and Sunday, his statement being that he did not care to go alone at this time. The truth was he was becoming so interested in Suzanne that he did not care to go anywhere save somewhere that he might see her again.
Eugene, even though Angela had suggested it several times before, [Pg 530] had declined to visit any beach resort or hotel, even for the weekend, saying he didn't want to go by himself right now. The truth was, he was becoming so interested in Suzanne that he only wanted to go places where he might see her again.
Mrs. Dale's offer was welcome enough, but having dissembled so much he had to dissemble more. Mrs. Dale insisted. Angela added her plea. Myrtle thought he ought to go. He finally ordered the car to take him down one Friday afternoon and leave him. Suzanne was out somewhere, but he sat on the veranda and basked in the magnificent view it gave of the lower bay. Kinroy and some young friend, together with two girls, were playing tennis on one of the courts. Eugene went out to watch them, and presently Suzanne returned, ruddy from a walk she had taken to a neighbor's house. At the sight of her every nerve in Eugene's body tingled—he felt a great exaltation, and it seemed as though she responded in kind, for she was particularly gay and laughing.
Mrs. Dale's offer was welcome enough, but after being so evasive, he had to be even more so. Mrs. Dale pressed for it. Angela added her support. Myrtle thought he should go. He finally arranged for a car to take him down one Friday afternoon and leave him there. Suzanne was out somewhere, but he sat on the porch and enjoyed the amazing view of the lower bay. Kinroy and a young friend, along with two girls, were playing tennis on one of the courts. Eugene went out to watch them, and soon Suzanne returned, flushed from a walk she had taken to a neighbor's house. When he saw her, every nerve in Eugene's body tingled—he felt a rush of excitement, and it seemed like she felt it too, as she was especially cheerful and laughing.
"They have a four," she called to him, her white duck skirt blowing. "Let's you and I get rackets and play single."
"They have a four," she shouted to him, her white duck skirt fluttering in the wind. "Why don't you and I grab rackets and play singles?"
"I'm not very good, you know," he said.
"I'm not that great, you know," he said.
"You couldn't be worse than I am," she replied. "I'm so bad Kinroy won't let me play in any game with him. Ha, ha!"
"You couldn't be worse than I am," she said. "I'm so bad that Kinroy won't let me play in any game with him. Ha, ha!"
"Such being the case——" Eugene said lightly, and followed her to get the rackets.
"That being the case——" Eugene said casually, and followed her to get the rackets.
They went to the second court, where they played practically unheeded. Every hit was a signal for congratulation on the part of one or the other, every miss for a burst of laughter or a jest. Eugene devoured Suzanne with his eyes, and she looked at him continually, in wide-eyed sweetness, scarcely knowing what she was doing. Her own hilarity on this occasion was almost inexplicable to her. It seemed as though she was possessed of some spirit of joy which she couldn't control. She confessed to him afterward that she had been wildly glad, exalted, and played with freedom and abandon, though at the same time she was frightened and nervous. To Eugene she was of course ravishing to behold. She could not play, as she truly said, but it made no difference. Her motions were beautiful.
They went to the second court, where they played almost without being noticed. Every hit was met with congratulations from one or the other, and every miss brought bursts of laughter or jokes. Eugene watched Suzanne intently, and she kept glancing back at him, her eyes wide with sweetness, hardly aware of what she was doing. Her own happiness in that moment was almost inexplicable. It felt like she was under the spell of some uncontrollable joy. Later, she admitted to him that she had been wildly happy, excited, and played with freedom and abandon, even though she was also nervous and a bit scared. To Eugene, she was absolutely stunning to watch. Although she claimed she couldn’t play well, it didn’t matter. Her movements were beautiful.
Mrs. Dale had long admired Eugene's youthful spirit. She watched him now from one of the windows, and thought of him much as one might of a boy. He and Suzanne looked charming playing together. It occurred to her that if he were single he would not make a bad match for her daughter. Fortunately he [Pg 531] was sane, prudent, charming, more like a guardian to Suzanne than anything else. Her friendship for him was rather a healthy sign.
Mrs. Dale had always admired Eugene's youthful energy. She watched him now from one of the windows and thought of him much like one would think of a young boy. He and Suzanne looked adorable playing together. It crossed her mind that if he were single, he wouldn't be a bad match for her daughter. Thankfully, he was sane, sensible, charming, and more like a guardian to Suzanne than anything else. Her friendship with him was a pretty positive sign.
After dinner it was proposed by Kinroy that he and his friends and Suzanne go to a dance which was being given at a club house, near the government fortifications at The Narrows, where they spread out into the lower bay. Mrs. Dale, not wishing to exclude Eugene, who was depressed at the thought of Suzanne's going and leaving him behind, suggested that they all go. She did not care so much for dancing herself, but Suzanne had no partner and Kinroy and his friend were very much interested in the girls they were taking. A car was called, and they sped to the club to find it dimly lighted with Chinese lanterns, and an orchestra playing softly in the gloom.
After dinner, Kinroy suggested that he, his friends, and Suzanne go to a dance being held at a clubhouse near the government fortifications at The Narrows, where they spread out into the lower bay. Mrs. Dale, not wanting to leave Eugene behind since he was feeling down about Suzanne going out without him, proposed that they all go. She wasn't really into dancing, but Suzanne didn't have a partner, and Kinroy and his friend were quite interested in the girls they were bringing along. They called a car and quickly headed to the club, where they found it dimly lit by Chinese lanterns and an orchestra playing softly in the background.
"Now you go ahead and dance," said her mother to Suzanne. "I want to sit out here and look at the water a while. I'll watch you through the door."
"Go ahead and dance," her mother told Suzanne. "I want to sit out here and look at the water for a bit. I'll watch you through the door."
Eugene held out his hand to Suzanne, who took it, and in a moment they were whirling round. A kind of madness seized them both, for without a word or look they drew close to each other and danced furiously, in a clinging ecstasy of joy.
Eugene extended his hand to Suzanne, who took it, and in an instant, they were spinning around. A sort of wild excitement took over them both, as without a word or glance, they moved closer to each other and danced intensely, wrapped up in a blissful joy.
"Oh, how lovely!" Suzanne exclaimed at one turn of the room, where, passing an open door, they looked out and saw a full lighted ship passing silently by in the distant dark. A sail boat; its one great sail enveloped in a shadowy quiet, floated wraith-like, nearer still.
"Oh, how beautiful!" Suzanne exclaimed as they turned in the room. Passing an open door, they looked out and saw a brightly lit ship gliding silently by in the distant darkness. A sailboat; its large sail enveloped in a shadowy calm, floated ghost-like, drawing nearer.
"Do scenes like that appeal to you so?" asked Eugene.
"Do scenes like that appeal to you?" asked Eugene.
"Oh, do they!" she pulsated. "They take my breath away. This does, too, it's so lovely!"
"Oh, do they!" she exclaimed. "They really take my breath away. This does too; it's just so beautiful!"
Eugene sighed. He understood now. Never, he said to himself, was the soul of an artist so akin to his own and so enveloped in beauty. This same thirst for beauty that was in him was in her, and it was pulling her to him. Only her soul was so exquisitely set in youth and beauty and maidenhood that it overawed and frightened him. It seemed impossible that she should ever love him. These eyes, this face of hers—how they enchanted him! He was drawn as by a strong cord, and so was she—by an immense, terrible magnetism. He had felt it all the afternoon. Keenly. He was feeling it intensely now. He pressed her to his bosom, and she yielded, yearningly, suiting her motions to his subtlest moods. He wanted to exclaim: "Oh, Suzanne! Oh, Suzanne!" but he was afraid. If he said anything to her it would frighten her. She did not really dream as yet what it all meant.
Eugene sighed. He understood now. Never, he told himself, had the soul of an artist been so similar to his and so wrapped in beauty. The same longing for beauty that was within him was also in her, and it was drawing her to him. Yet her soul was so beautifully tied to youth and grace that it overwhelmed and scared him. It seemed impossible that she could ever love him. Her eyes, her face—how they captivated him! He felt pulled as if by a strong cord, and she felt it too—by an immense, powerful magnetism. He had sensed it all afternoon. Keenly. He was feeling it even more now. He held her close, and she leaned in, instinctively matching her movements to his slightest moods. He wanted to shout, "Oh, Suzanne! Oh, Suzanne!" but he hesitated. If he said anything, it might scare her. She didn't fully grasp what it all meant yet.
[Pg 532] "You know," he said, when the music stopped, "I'm quite beside myself. It's narcotic. I feel like a boy."
[Pg 532] "You know," he said, when the music stopped, "I'm really beside myself. It's like a drug. I feel like a kid."
"Oh, if they would only go on!" was all she said. And together they went out on the veranda, where there were no lights but only chairs and the countless stars.
"Oh, if they would just keep going!" was all she said. And together they stepped out onto the veranda, where there were no lights, just chairs and countless stars.
"Well?" said Mrs. Dale.
"Well?" Mrs. Dale asked.
"I'm afraid you don't love to dance as well as I do?" observed Eugene calmly, sitting down beside her.
"I'm afraid you don't love dancing as much as I do," Eugene remarked calmly as he sat down next to her.
"I'm afraid I don't, seeing how joyously you do it. I've been watching you. You two dance well together. Kinroy, won't you have them bring us ices?"
"I'm afraid I don't, especially since you seem to enjoy it so much. I've been watching you. You both dance really well together. Kinroy, could you ask them to bring us some ice cream?"
Suzanne had slipped away to the side of her brother's friends. She talked to them cheerily the while Eugene watched her, but she was intensely conscious of his presence and charm. She tried to think what she was doing, but somehow she could not—she could only feel. The music struck up again, and for looks' sake he let her dance with her brother's friend. The next was his, and the next, for Kinroy preferred to sit out one, and his friend also. Suzanne and Eugene danced the major portions of the dances together, growing into a wild exaltation, which, however, was wordless except for a certain eagerness which might have been read into what they said. Their hands spoke when they touched and their eyes when they met. Suzanne was intensely shy and fearsome. She was really half terrified by what she was doing—afraid lest some word or thought would escape Eugene, and she wanted to dwell in the joy of this. He went once between two dances, when she was hanging over the rail looking at the dark, gurgling water below, and leaned over beside her.
Suzanne had slipped away to the side with her brother's friends. She chatted with them happily while Eugene watched her, but she was acutely aware of his presence and charm. She tried to process what she was doing, but somehow she couldn’t—she could only feel. The music started up again, and for appearances' sake, he let her dance with her brother's friend. The next dance was his, and the one after that, since Kinroy preferred to sit one out, as did his friend. Suzanne and Eugene danced through most of the songs together, spiraling into a wild exhilaration that was mostly silent except for a certain eagerness that could be sensed in their words. Their hands communicated when they touched, and their eyes spoke when they met. Suzanne felt incredibly shy and anxious. She was genuinely half-terrified by what she was doing—worried that some word or thought would slip from Eugene, but she wanted to savor this joy. He came over once between dances, while she was leaning over the rail, looking at the dark, gurgling water below, and leaned in next to her.
"How wonderful this night is!" he said.
"How amazing this night is!" he said.
"Yes, yes!" she exclaimed, and looked away.
"Yeah, yeah!" she said, and looked away.
"Do you wonder at all at the mystery of life?"
"Do you ever think about the mystery of life?"
"Oh, yes; oh, yes! All the time."
"Oh, definitely; oh, absolutely! All the time."
"And you are so young!" he said passionately, intensely.
"And you are so young!" he said with passion, intensely.
"Sometimes, you know, Mr. Witla," she sighed, "I do not like to think."
"Sometimes, you know, Mr. Witla," she sighed, "I really don’t like to think."
"Why?"
"Why?"
"Oh, I don't know; I just can't tell you! I can't find words. I don't know."
"Oh, I don't know; I just can't explain it! I can't find the words. I don't know."
There was an intense pathos in her phrasing which meant everything to his understanding. He understood how voiceless a great soul really might be, new born without an earth-manufactured vocabulary. It gave him a clearer insight into a thought he had had for a long while and that was that we came, as Wordsworth expressed it, "trailing clouds of glory." But from [Pg 533] where? Her soul must be intensely wise—else why his yearning to her? But, oh, the pathos of her voicelessness!
There was a deep emotional weight in her words that meant everything to him. He realized how silent a great soul could truly be, newly arrived without a human vocabulary. It brought him a better understanding of a thought he had held for a long time: that we come, as Wordsworth put it, "trailing clouds of glory." But from [Pg 533] where? Her soul must be incredibly wise—otherwise, why would he yearn for her? But, oh, the sadness of her silence!
They went home in the car, and late that night, while he was sitting on the veranda smoking to soothe his fevered brain, there was one other scene. The night was intensely warm everywhere except on this hill, where a cool breeze was blowing. The ships on the sea and bay were many—twinkling little lights—and the stars in the sky were as a great army. "See how the floor of heaven is thick inlaid with patines of bright gold," he quoted to himself. A door opened and Suzanne came out of the library, which opened on to the veranda. He had not expected to see her again, nor she him. The beauty of the night had drawn her.
They drove home in the car, and later that night, while he was sitting on the porch smoking to calm his racing mind, another scene unfolded. The night was sweltering everywhere except on this hill, where a cool breeze was blowing. There were many ships on the sea and bay—tiny twinkling lights—and the stars in the sky looked like a vast army. "See how the floor of heaven is thickly inlaid with bright gold," he quoted to himself. A door opened and Suzanne stepped out of the library, which led to the porch. He hadn’t expected to see her again, nor had she him. The beauty of the night had drawn her out.
"Suzanne!" he said, when the door opened.
"Suzanne!" he exclaimed as the door opened.
She looked at him, poised in uncertainty, her lovely white face glowing like a pale phosphorescent light in the dark.
She gazed at him, balanced in doubt, her beautiful pale face shining like a soft glow in the dark.
"Isn't it beautiful out here? Come, sit down."
"Isn't it beautiful out here? Come, take a seat."
"No," she said. "I mustn't stay. It is so beautiful!" She looked about her vaguely, nervously, and then at him. "Oh, that breeze!" She turned up her nose and sniffed eagerly.
"No," she said. "I can't stay. It's so beautiful!" She glanced around her uncertainly, then looked at him. "Oh, that breeze!" She turned up her nose and sniffed excitedly.
"The music is still whirling in my head," he said, coming to her. "I cannot get over tonight." He spoke softly—almost in a whisper—and threw his cigar away. Suzanne's voice was low.
"The music is still spinning in my head," he said, approaching her. "I can’t get past tonight." He spoke softly—almost like a whisper—and tossed his cigar aside. Suzanne's voice was quiet.
She looked at him and filled her deep broad chest with air. "Oh!" she sighed, throwing back her head, her neck curving divinely.
She looked at him and took a deep breath. "Oh!" she sighed, tilting her head back, her neck curving beautifully.
"One more dance," he said, taking her right hand and putting his left upon her waist.
"One more dance," he said, taking her right hand and placing his left on her waist.
She did not retreat from him, but looked half distrait, half entranced in his eyes.
She didn’t pull away from him, but appeared partly distracted and partly captivated by his gaze.
"Without music?" she asked. She was almost trembling.
"Without music?" she asked, her voice shaking slightly.
"You are music," he replied, her intense sense of suffocation seizing him.
"You are music," he replied, feeling her intense sense of suffocation take hold of him.
They moved a few paces to the left where there were no windows and where no one could see. He drew her close to him and looked into her face, but still he did not dare say what he thought. They moved about softly, and then she gurgled that soft laugh that had entranced him from the first. "What would people think?" she asked.
They stepped a few paces to the left where there were no windows and where no one could see them. He pulled her close and looked into her face, but he still didn’t dare say what was on his mind. They moved around quietly, and then she let out that soft laugh that had captivated him from the beginning. "What would people think?" she asked.
They walked to the railing, he still holding her hand, and then she withdrew it. He was conscious of great danger—of jeopardizing a wonderfully blissful relationship, and finally said: "Perhaps we had better go."
They walked to the railing, him still holding her hand, and then she pulled it away. He felt a huge sense of danger—risking a truly happy relationship—and finally said, "Maybe we should head out."
"Yes," she said. "Ma-ma would be greatly disturbed if she knew this."
"Yes," she said. "Mom would be really upset if she knew this."
"Good night," she whispered.
"Good night," she said softly.
"Good night," he sighed.
"Good night," he sighed.
He went back to his chair and meditated on the course he was pursuing. This was a terrible risk. Should he go on? The flower-like face of Suzanne came back to him—her supple body, her wondrous grace and beauty. "Oh, perhaps not, but what a loss, what a lure to have flaunted in front of his eyes! Were there ever thoughts and feelings like these in so young a body? Never, never, never, had he seen her like. Never in all his experiences had he seen anything so exquisite. She was like the budding woods in spring, like little white and blue flowers growing. If life now for once would only be kind and give him her!
He returned to his chair and thought about the path he was taking. This was a huge risk. Should he keep going? The image of Suzanne's flower-like face came back to him—her graceful body, her incredible beauty. "Oh, maybe not, but what a shame, what a temptation to have right in front of him! Had there ever been thoughts and feelings like these in someone so young? Never, never, never had he seen anyone like her. In all his experiences, he had never encountered anything so beautiful. She was like the young trees budding in spring, like little white and blue flowers blooming. If only life would be kind just this once and give him her!
"Oh, Suzanne, Suzanne!" he breathed to himself, lingering over the name.
"Oh, Suzanne, Suzanne!" he whispered to himself, savoring the name.
For a fourth or a fifth time Eugene was imagining himself to be terribly, eagerly, fearsomely in love.
For the fourth or fifth time, Eugene was imagining himself to be intensely, passionately, and fearfully in love.
CHAPTER VI
This burst of emotion with its tentative understanding so subtly reached, changed radically and completely the whole complexion of life for Eugene. Once more now the spirit of youth had returned to him. He had been resenting all this while, in spite of his success, the passage of time, for he was daily and hourly growing older, and what had he really achieved? The more Eugene had looked at life through the medium of his experiences, the more it had dawned on him that somehow all effort was pointless. To where and what did one attain when one attained success? Was it for houses and lands and fine furnishings and friends that one was really striving? Was there any such thing as real friendship in life, and what were its fruits—intense satisfaction? In some few instances, perhaps, but in the main what a sorry jest most so-called friendships veiled! How often they were coupled with self-interest, self-seeking, self-everything! We associated in friendship mostly only with those who were of our own social station. A good friend. Did he possess one? An inefficient friend? Would one such long be his friend? Life moved in schools of those who could run a certain pace, maintain a certain standard of appearances, compel a certain grade of respect and efficiency in others. Colfax was his friend—for the present. So was Winfield. About him were scores and hundreds who were apparently delighted to grasp his hand, but for what? His fame? Certainly. His efficiency? Yes. Only by the measure of his personal power and strength could he measure his friends—no more.
This surge of emotion, along with its tentative understanding, changed everything for Eugene. Once again, the spirit of youth had returned to him. Despite his success, he had been feeling resentful about the passage of time, realizing that he was getting older every day. What had he really achieved? The more Eugene reflected on life through his experiences, the more he felt that all effort seemed pointless. What did success ultimately lead to? Was it simply about acquiring houses, land, nice furnishings, and friends? Did true friendship even exist, and what did it offer—true satisfaction? In a few cases, maybe, but mostly, what a sad joke most so-called friendships turned out to be! They often came with self-interest, self-seeking, and self-absorption. We mostly formed friendships with people from our own social circles. A good friend. Did he have one? An unreliable friend? Would that person stick around for long? Life ran in circles of those who could keep up a certain pace, maintain a specific image, and command a level of respect and efficiency from others. Colfax was his friend—for now. So was Winfield. He had dozens, maybe hundreds, of people around him who seemed genuinely happy to shake his hand, but for what reason? His fame? Definitely. His effectiveness? Yes. He could only measure his friends by the strength of his personal power—nothing more.
And as for love—what had he ever had of love before? When he went back in his mind, it seemed now that all, each, and every one, had been combined in some way with lust and evil thinking. Could he say that he had ever been in love truly? Certainly not with Margaret Duff or Ruby Kenny or Angela—though that was the nearest he had come to true love—or Christina Channing. He had liked all these women very much, as he had Carlotta Wilson, but had he ever loved one? Never. Angela had won him through his sympathy for her, he told himself now. He had been induced to marry out of remorse. And here he was now having lived all these years and come all this way without having truly loved. Now, behold Suzanne Dale with her perfection of soul and body, and he was wild about her—not [Pg 536] for lust, but for love. He wanted to be with her, to hold her hands, to kiss her lips, to watch her smile; but nothing more. It was true her body had its charm. In extremes it would draw him, but the beauty of her mind and appearance—there lay the fascination. He was heartsick at being compelled to be absent from her, and yet he did not know that he would ever be able to attain her at all.
And when it came to love—what had he ever experienced before? When he looked back, it seemed that everything had somehow been mixed with lust and questionable thoughts. Could he honestly say he had ever truly loved? Definitely not with Margaret Duff, Ruby Kenny, or Angela—though that was the closest he had come to real love—or Christina Channing. He had liked all these women a lot, just like he had liked Carlotta Wilson, but had he ever truly loved any of them? Never. He realized that he had been drawn to Angela out of sympathy. He had been pushed into marriage out of guilt. And here he was, having lived all these years and travelled all this distance without ever truly loving anyone. Now, look at Suzanne Dale with her perfect soul and body, and he was crazy about her—not for lust, but for love. He wanted to be with her, to hold her hands, to kiss her lips, to see her smile; but nothing more. Sure, her body had its appeal. In extreme moments, it would attract him, but the true attraction was in the beauty of her mind and appearance. He felt heartbroken at the thought of being away from her, and yet he had no idea if he would ever be able to have her at all.
As he thought of his condition, it rather terrified and nauseated him. To think, after having known this one hour of wonder and superlative bliss, of being compelled to come back into the work-a-day world! Nor were things improving at the office of the United Magazines Corporation. Instead of growing better, they were growing worse. With the diversity of his interests, particularly the interest he held in the Sea Island Realty and Construction Company, he was growing rather lackadaisical in his attitude toward all magazine interests with which he was connected. He had put in strong men wherever he could find them, but these had come to be very secure in their places, working without very much regard to him since he could not give them very much attention. White and Colfax had become intimate with many of them personally. Some of them, such as Hayes, the advertising man, the circulation manager, the editor of the International Review, the editor in charge of books, were so very able that, although it was true that Eugene had hired them it was practically settled that they could not be removed. Colfax and White had come to understand by degrees that Eugene was a person who, however brilliant he might be in selecting men, was really not capable of attention to detail. He could not bring his mind down to small practical points. If he had been an owner, like Colfax, or a practical henchman like White, he would have been perfectly safe, but being a natural-born leader, or rather organizer, he was, unless he secured control in the beginning, rather hopeless and helpless when organization was completed. Others could attend to details better than he could. Colfax came to know his men and like them. In absences which had become more frequent, as Eugene became more secure, and as he took up with Winfield, they had first gone to Colfax for advice, and later, in Colfax's absence, to White. The latter received them with open arms. Indeed, among themselves, his lieutenants frequently discussed Eugene and agreed that in organizing, or rather reorganizing the place, he had done his great work. He might have been worth twenty-five thousand a year doing that, but hardly as a man to sit about and cool his heels after the work was done. White had persistently whispered [Pg 537] suggestions of Eugene's commercial inefficiency for the task he was essaying to Colfax. "He is really trying to do up there what you ought to be doing," he told him, "and what you can do better. You want to remember that you've learned a lot since you came in here, and so has he, only he has become a little less practical and you have become more so. These men of his look more to you now than they do to him."
As he reflected on his situation, he felt a mix of fear and nausea. To think, after experiencing just an hour of wonder and immense joy, he had to return to the daily grind! Things at the United Magazines Corporation weren't improving; in fact, they were getting worse. With his various interests, especially in the Sea Island Realty and Construction Company, he had become rather indifferent toward all the magazine ventures he was involved in. He had placed capable people in positions wherever he could, but they had become quite secure in their roles, working with little regard for him since he couldn't give them much attention. White and Colfax had gotten to know many of them personally. Some, like Hayes, the advertising guy, the circulation manager, the editor of the International Review, and the book editor, were so skilled that, even though Eugene had hired them, it was clear they couldn't be easily dismissed. Colfax and White gradually realized that, despite Eugene’s brilliance in picking people, he wasn't really attentive to details. He struggled to focus on small practical matters. If he had been an owner like Colfax or a practical assistant like White, he would have been fine, but being a natural leader or organizer, he was somewhat lost and helpless once the organization was set up unless he secured control from the beginning. Others could manage the details better than he could. Colfax got to know his team and liked them. As Eugene's absences became more frequent—due to his growing confidence and time spent with Winfield—they first consulted Colfax for advice and later, in Colfax's absence, went to White. White welcomed them with open arms. In fact, among themselves, his team often discussed Eugene and agreed that his significant contribution was in organizing, or rather reorganizing, the place. He might have been worth twenty-five thousand a year for that job, but hardly as someone who would sit around and wait after the work was done. White had continually hinted at Eugene's commercial inefficiency to Colfax. "He’s really trying to do up there what you should be doing," he said, "and what you can do better. Remember, you’ve learned a lot since you started here, and so has he, but he has become less practical while you have become more so. His people look to you now more than to him."
Colfax rejoiced in the thought. He liked Eugene, but he liked the idea better that his business interests were perfectly safe. He did not like to think that any one man was becoming so strong that his going would injure him, and this thought for a long time during Eugene's early ascendancy had troubled him. The latter had carried himself with such an air. Eugene had fancied that Colfax needed to be impressed with his importance, and this, in addition to his very thorough work, was one way to do it. His manner had grated on Colfax after a time, for he was the soul of vainglory himself, and he wanted no other gods in the place beside himself. White, on the contrary, was constantly subservient and advisory in his manner. It made a great difference.
Colfax felt a sense of relief. He liked Eugene, but he liked even more that his business interests were completely secure. He didn't like the idea of any one person becoming so powerful that their absence would harm him, and this thought had troubled him for a long time during Eugene's rise to power. Eugene carried himself with a certain attitude. He believed that Colfax needed to recognize his importance, and this, along with his commitment to his work, was one way to achieve that. Over time, Eugene's manner began to annoy Colfax, since he himself was quite self-absorbed and didn’t want anyone else to overshadow him. White, on the other hand, was always deferential and offered advice. It made a huge difference.
By degrees, through one process and another, Eugene had lost ground, but it was only in a nebulous way as yet, and not in anything tangible. If he had never turned his attention to anything else, had never wearied of any detail, and kept close to Colfax and to his own staff, he would have been safe. As it was, he began now to neglect them more than ever, and this could not fail to tell rather disastrously in the long run.
By gradually going through various processes, Eugene had started to lose his position, but it was still somewhat unclear and not yet noticeable in any concrete way. If he had focused solely on his work, never gotten bored with any details, and stayed close to Colfax and his team, he would have been fine. Instead, he began to neglect them more than ever, which was bound to have serious consequences in the long run.
In the first place the prospects in connection with the Sea Island Construction Company were apparently growing brighter and brighter. It was one of those schemes which would take years and years to develop, but it did not look that way at first. Rather it seemed to be showing tangible evidences of accomplishment. The first year, after a good deal of money had been invested, considerable dredging operations were carried out, and dry land appeared in many places—a long stretch of good earth to the rear of the main beach whereon hotels and resorts of all sorts could be constructed. The boardwalk was started after a model prepared by Eugene, and approved—after modification—by the architect engaged, and a portion of the future great dining and dancing casinos was begun and completed, a beautiful building modeled on a combination of the Moorish, Spanish and Old Mission styles. A notable improvement in design had been effected in this scheme, for the color of Blue Sea, according to Eugene's theory, was to be red, white, yellow, blue, and green, [Pg 538] done in spirited yet simple outlines. The walls of all buildings were to be white and yellow, latticed with green. The roofs, porticos, lintels, piers, and steps were to be red, yellow, green, and blue. There were to be round, shallow Italian pools of concrete in many of the courts and interiors of the houses. The hotels were to be western modifications of the Giralda in Spain, each one a size smaller, or larger, than the other. Green spear pines and tall cone-shaped poplars were to be the prevailing tree decorations. The railroad, as Mr. Winfield promised, had already completed its spur and Spanish depot, which was beautiful. It looked truly as though Blue Sea would become what Winfield said it would become; the seaside resort of America.
Firstly, the prospects for the Sea Island Construction Company were looking increasingly promising. It was one of those projects that would take years to develop, but at first glance, it didn’t appear that way. It seemed to show real signs of success. In the first year, after a significant investment, extensive dredging took place, revealing dry land in several areas—a long stretch of solid ground behind the main beach where hotels and resorts could be built. The boardwalk was initiated based on a model created by Eugene, which was approved—after some tweaks—by the hired architect. Part of what would become a grand dining and dancing casino was started and finished, a stunning building combining Moorish, Spanish, and Old Mission styles. There was a meaningful improvement in design with this project, as Eugene theorized that the colors of Blue Sea would include red, white, yellow, blue, and green, all presented in lively yet simple outlines. The walls of all buildings were to be white and yellow, accented with green elements. The roofs, porches, lintels, piers, and steps were to feature red, yellow, green, and blue. Round, shallow Italian-style concrete pools were planned for many of the courtyards and interiors of the houses. The hotels would be western adaptations of the Giralda in Spain, with each one slightly different in size. Green spear pines and tall, cone-shaped poplars were to be the main tree features. The railroad, as Mr. Winfield promised, had already completed its spur and Spanish-style depot, which was beautiful. It genuinely seemed like Blue Sea would become what Winfield envisioned; the seaside resort of America.
The actuality of this progress fascinated Eugene so much that he gave, until Suzanne appeared, much more time than he really should have to the development of the scheme. As in the days when he first went with Summerfield, he worked of nights on exterior and interior layouts, as he called them—façades, ground arrangements, island improvements, and so on. He went frequently with Winfield and his architect in his auto to see how Blue Sea was getting on and to visit monied men, who might be interested. He drew up plans for ads and booklets, making romantic sketches and originating catch lines.
The reality of this progress intrigued Eugene so much that, until Suzanne showed up, he spent way more time than he actually should have on developing the project. Just like when he first teamed up with Summerfield, he worked late into the night on exterior and interior designs, as he called them—facades, layout plans, island enhancements, and so on. He often drove around with Winfield and his architect to check on how Blue Sea was progressing and to meet with wealthy individuals who might be interested. He crafted plans for ads and brochures, making creative sketches and coming up with catchy slogans.
In the next place, after Suzanne appeared, he began to pay attention almost exclusively in his thoughts to her. He could not get her out of his head night or day. She haunted his thoughts in the office, at home, and in his dreams. He began actually to burn with a strange fever, which gave him no rest. When would he see her again? When would he see her again? When would he see her again? He could see her only as he danced with her at the boat club, as he sat with her in the swing at Daleview. It was a wild, aching desire which gave him no peace any more than any other fever of the brain ever does.
Next, after Suzanne showed up, he started focusing almost entirely on her in his thoughts. He couldn't shake her from his mind, day or night. She lingered in his thoughts at work, at home, and even in his dreams. He felt a strange fever taking hold, offering him no rest. When would he see her again? When would he see her again? When would he see her again? He could picture her only as they danced together at the boat club or sat in the swing at Daleview. It was a wild, longing desire that brought him no more peace than any other mental obsession ever does.
Once, not long after he and she had danced at the boat club together, she came with her mother to see how Angela was, and Eugene had a chance to say a few words to her in the studio, for they came after five in the afternoon when he was at home. Suzanne gazed at him wide-eyed, scarcely knowing what to think, though she was fascinated. He asked her eagerly where she had been, where she was going to be.
Once, not long after he and she had danced together at the boat club, she came with her mother to check on Angela, and Eugene had a chance to say a few words to her in the studio, since they arrived after five in the afternoon when he was at home. Suzanne looked at him wide-eyed, hardly knowing what to think, although she was intrigued. He eagerly asked her where she had been and where she was headed next.
"Why," she said gracefully, her pretty lips parted, "we're going to Bentwood Hadley's tomorrow. We'll be there for a week, I fancy. Maybe longer."
"Why," she said elegantly, her beautiful lips slightly parted, "we're heading to Bentwood Hadley's tomorrow. We'll be there for a week, I think. Maybe even longer."
"Have you thought of me much, Suzanne?"
"Have you thought about me a lot, Suzanne?"
[Pg 539] "Yes, yes! But you mustn't, Mr. Witla. No, no. I don't know what to think."
[Pg 539] "Yes, yes! But you can't do that, Mr. Witla. No, no. I don’t know what to think."
"If I came to Bentwood Hadleys, would you be glad?"
"If I came to Bentwood Hadleys, would you be happy?"
"Oh, yes," she said hesitatingly, "but you mustn't come."
"Oh, yes," she said hesitantly, "but you can’t come."
Eugene was there that week-end. It wasn't difficult to manage.
Eugene was there that weekend. It wasn't hard to take care of.
"I'm awfully tired," he wrote to Mrs. Hadley. "Why don't you invite me out?"
"I'm really tired," he wrote to Mrs. Hadley. "Why don't you invite me out?"
"Come!" came a telegram, and he went.
"Come!" said a telegram, and he went.
On this occasion, he was more fortunate than ever. Suzanne was there, out riding when he came, but, as he learned from Mrs. Hadley, there was a dance on at a neighboring country club. Suzanne with a number of others was going. Mrs. Dale decided to go, and invited Eugene. He seized the offer, for he knew he would get a chance to dance with his ideal. When they were going in to dinner, he met Suzanne in the hall.
On this occasion, he was luckier than ever. Suzanne was out riding when he arrived, but as he found out from Mrs. Hadley, there was a dance happening at a nearby country club. Suzanne was going with several others. Mrs. Dale decided to go and invited Eugene. He jumped at the chance, knowing it meant he would get to dance with his ideal. As they were heading in for dinner, he ran into Suzanne in the hallway.
"I am going with you," he said eagerly. "Save a few dances for me."
"I'll go with you," he said excitedly. "Save a couple of dances for me."
"Yes," she said, inhaling her breath in a gasp.
"Yeah," she said, taking a sharp breath.
They went, and he initialled her card in five places.
They went, and he signed her card in five places.
"We must be careful," she pleaded. "Ma-ma won't like it."
"We need to be careful," she urged. "Mom won't be happy about it."
He saw by this that she was beginning to understand, and would plot with him. Why was he luring her on? Why did she let him?
He realized that she was starting to get it and would team up with him. Why was he tempting her? Why was she going along with it?
When he slipped his arm about her in the first dance he said, "At last!" And then: "I have waited for this so long."
When he wrapped his arm around her during the first dance, he said, "Finally!" And then added, "I've waited for this for so long."
Suzanne made no reply.
Suzanne didn’t respond.
"Look at me, Suzanne," he pleaded.
"Look at me, Suzanne," he begged.
"I can't," she said.
"I can't," she said.
"Oh, look at me," he urged, "once, please. Look in my eyes."
"Oh, look at me," he urged, "just once, please. Look into my eyes."
"No, no," she begged, "I can't."
"No, no," she pleaded, "I can't."
"Oh, Suzanne," he exclaimed, "I am crazy about you. I am mad. I have lost all reason. Your face is like a flower to me. Your eyes—I can't tell you about your eyes. Look at me!"
"Oh, Suzanne," he exclaimed, "I’m wild about you. I'm losing my mind. I've lost all sense. Your face is like a flower to me. Your eyes—I can't even describe your eyes. Look at me!"
"No," she pleaded.
"No," she begged.
"It seems as though the days will never end in which I do not see you. I wait and wait. Suzanne, do I seem like a silly fool to you?"
"It feels like the days will never end without seeing you. I wait and wait. Suzanne, do I come off as a ridiculous fool to you?"
"No."
"Nope."
"I am counted sharp and able. They tell me I am brilliant. You are the most perfect thing that I have ever known. I think of you awake and asleep. I could paint a thousand pictures of you. My art seems to come back to me through you. If I [Pg 540] live I will paint you in a hundred ways. Have you ever seen the Rossetti woman?"
"I’m known for being smart and capable. People say I’m brilliant. You are the most amazing person I’ve ever known. I think about you all the time, whether I’m awake or asleep. I could create a thousand paintings of you. My art feels like it’s inspired by you. If I live, I’ll depict you in a hundred different ways. Have you ever seen the Rossetti woman?"
"No."
"Nope."
"He painted a hundred portraits of her. I shall paint a thousand of you."
"He painted a hundred portraits of her. I will paint a thousand of you."
She lifted her eyes to look at him shyly, wonderingly, drawn by this terrific passion. His own blazed into hers. "Oh, look at me again," he whispered, when she dropped them under the fire of his glance.
She raised her eyes to look at him shyly, with curiosity, captivated by this intense passion. His gaze ignited into hers. "Oh, look at me again," he whispered, as she lowered them under the heat of his stare.
"I can't," she pleaded.
"I can't," she begged.
"Oh, yes, once more."
"Oh, yes, again."
She lifted her eyes and it seemed as though their souls would blend. He felt dizzy, and Suzanne reeled.
She raised her gaze, and it felt like their souls were about to merge. He felt lightheaded, and Suzanne swayed.
"Do you love me, Suzanne?" he asked.
"Do you love me, Suzanne?" he asked.
"I don't know," she trembled.
"I don't know," she said nervously.
"Do you love me?"
"Do you love me?"
"Don't ask me now."
"Don't ask me right now."
The music ceased and Suzanne was gone.
The music stopped and Suzanne was gone.
He did not see her until much later, for she slipped away to think. Her soul was stirred as with a raging storm. It seemed as though her very soul was being torn up. She was tremulous, tumultuous, unsettled, yearning, eager. She came back after a time and they danced again, but she was calmer apparently. They went out on a balcony, and he contrived to say a few words there.
He didn't see her until much later because she quietly stepped away to think. Her emotions were turbulent, like a raging storm. It felt like her very being was being torn apart. She was shaky, chaotic, restless, longing, and eager. After a while, she returned and they danced again, but she seemed calmer this time. They went out onto a balcony, and he managed to say a few words there.
"You mustn't," she pleaded. "I think we are being watched."
"You shouldn't," she urged. "I feel like we're being watched."
He left her, and on the way home in the auto he whispered: "I shall be on the west veranda tonight. Will you come?"
He left her, and on the way home in the car, he whispered: "I'll be on the west balcony tonight. Will you come?"
"I don't know, I'll try."
"I don't know, I'll give it a shot."
He walked leisurely to that place later when all was still, and sat down to wait. Gradually the great house quieted. It was one and one-thirty, and then nearly two before the door opened. A figure slipped out, the lovely form of Suzanne, dressed as she had been at the ball, a veil of lace over her hair.
He walked casually to that spot later when everything was calm, and sat down to wait. Gradually, the big house grew quiet. It was one-thirty, and then almost two before the door opened. A figure slipped out, the beautiful silhouette of Suzanne, dressed as she had been at the ball, a lace veil covering her hair.
"I'm so afraid," she said, "I scarcely know what I am doing. Are you sure no one will see us?"
"I'm really scared," she said, "I can barely think straight. Are you sure no one will see us?"
"Let us walk down the path to the field." It was the same way they had taken in the early spring when he had met her here before. In the west hung low a waning moon, yellow, sickle shaped, very large because of the hour.
"Let's walk down the path to the field." It was the same way they had gone in early spring when he had met her here before. In the west, a large, yellow, sickle-shaped moon hung low in the sky, making it seem even bigger because of the hour.
"Do you remember when we were here before?"
"Do you remember when we were here before?"
"Yes."
"Yep."
"I loved you then. Did you care for me?"
"I loved you back then. Did you care about me?"
"No."
"Nope."
[Pg 541] They walked on under the trees, he holding her hand.
[Pg 541] They walked under the trees, him holding her hand.
"Oh, this night, this night," he said, the strain of his intense emotion wearying him.
"Oh, this night, this night," he said, the weight of his intense emotions exhausting him.
They came out from under the trees at the end of the path. There was a sense of August dryness in the air. It was warm, sensuous. About were the sounds of insects, faint bumblings, cracklings. A tree toad chirped, or a bird cried.
They stepped out from under the trees at the end of the path. The air felt dry, like it does in August. It was warm and inviting. Insects buzzed around, making soft sounds, little cracklings. A tree toad croaked, or maybe it was a bird calling.
"Come to me, Suzanne," he said at last when they emerged into the full light of the moon at the end of the path and paused. "Come to me." He slipped his arm about her.
"Come here, Suzanne," he finally said as they stepped into the bright moonlight at the end of the path and stopped. "Come here." He wrapped his arm around her.
"No," she said. "No."
"No," she replied. "No."
"Look at me, Suzanne," he pleaded; "I want to tell you how much I love you. Oh, I have no words. It seems ridiculous to try to tell you. Tell me that you love me, Suzanne. Tell me now. I am crazy with love of you. Tell me."
"Look at me, Suzanne," he begged; "I need to express how much I love you. I have no words. It feels silly to even try to explain. Just tell me that you love me, Suzanne. Please say it now. I'm completely obsessed with you. Just tell me."
"No," she said, "I can't."
"No," she said, "I can't."
"Kiss me!"
"Kiss me!"
"No!"
"No way!"
He drew her to him and turned her face up by her chin in spite of her. "Open your eyes," he pleaded. "Oh, God! That this should come to me! Now I could die. Life can hold no more. Oh, Flower Face! Oh, Silver Feet! Oh, Myrtle Bloom! Divine Fire! How perfect you are. How perfect! And to think you love me!"
He pulled her close and lifted her chin, despite her resistance. "Open your eyes," he begged. "Oh, God! How did this happen to me? I could die now. Life can’t offer anything more. Oh, Flower Face! Oh, Silver Feet! Oh, Myrtle Bloom! Divine Fire! You’re so perfect. So perfect! And to think that you love me!"
He kissed her eagerly.
He kissed her passionately.
"Kiss me, Suzanne. Tell me that you love me. Tell me. Oh, how I love that name, Suzanne. Whisper to me you love me."
"Kiss me, Suzanne. Tell me that you love me. Just say it. Oh, how I love that name, Suzanne. Whisper to me that you love me."
"No."
"Nope."
"But you do."
"But you really do."
"No."
"No."
"Look at me, Suzanne. Flower face. Myrtle Bloom. For God's sake, look at me! You love me."
"Look at me, Suzanne. Flower face. Myrtle Bloom. For crying out loud, look at me! You love me."
"Oh, yes, yes, yes," she sobbed of a sudden, throwing her arm around his neck. "Oh, yes, yes."
"Oh, yes, yes, yes," she cried suddenly, wrapping her arm around his neck. "Oh, yes, yes."
"Don't cry," he pleaded. "Oh, sweet, don't cry. I am mad for love of you, mad. Kiss me now, one kiss. I am staking my soul on your love. Kiss me!"
"Don’t cry," he begged. "Oh, sweetheart, please don’t cry. I’m crazy in love with you, totally crazy. Kiss me now, just one kiss. I’m risking everything for your love. Kiss me!"
He pressed his lips to hers, but she burst away, terror-stricken.
He pressed his lips to hers, but she pulled back in terror.
"Oh, I am so frightened," she exclaimed all at once. "Oh, what shall I do? I am so afraid. Oh, please, please. Something terrifies me. Something scares me. Oh, what am I going to do? Let me go back."
"Oh, I'm so scared," she suddenly said. "Oh, what should I do? I'm so afraid. Oh, please, please. Something frightens me. Something scares me. Oh, what am I going to do? Let me go back."
[Pg 542] She was white and trembling. Her hands were nervously clasping and unclasping.
[Pg 542] She was pale and shaking. Her hands were fidgeting, clasping and unclasping anxiously.
Eugene smoothed her arm soothingly. "Be still, Suzanne," he said. "Be still. I shall say no more. You are all right. I have frightened you. We will go back. Be calm. You are all right."
Eugene gently stroked her arm. "Just relax, Suzanne," he said. "Relax. I won't say anything else. You're okay. I scared you. We'll go back. Just breathe. You're okay."
He recovered his own poise with an effort because of her obvious terror, and led her back under the trees. To reassure her he drew his cigar case from his pocket and pretended to select a cigar. When he saw her calming, he put it back.
He gathered his composure with some effort because of her obvious fear and guided her back under the trees. To comfort her, he pulled out his cigar case and acted like he was picking a cigar. When he noticed her starting to relax, he put it away.
"Are you quieter now, sweet?" he asked, tenderly.
"Are you quieter now, sweetheart?" he asked softly.
"Yes, but let us go back."
"Sure, but let's go back."
"Listen. I will only go as far as the edge. You go alone. I will watch you safely to the door."
"Listen. I'll only go as far as the edge. You go by yourself. I'll make sure you get to the door safely."
"Yes," she said peacefully.
"Yes," she replied calmly.
"And you really love me, Suzanne?"
"And you really love me, Suzanne?"
"Oh, yes, but don't speak of it. Not tonight. You will frighten me again. Let us go back."
"Oh, yes, but let's not talk about it. Not tonight. You'll scare me again. Let's go back."
They strolled on. Then he said: "One kiss, sweet, in parting. One. Life has opened anew for me. You are the solvent of my whole being. You are making me over into something different. I feel as though I had never lived until now. Oh, this experience! It is such a wonderful thing to have done—to have lived through, to have changed as I have changed. You have changed me so completely, made me over into the artist again. From now on I can paint again. I can paint you." He scarcely knew what he was saying. He felt as though he were revealing himself to himself as in an apocalyptic vision.
They continued to walk. Then he said, "Just one kiss, my sweet, before we part. One. Life has started fresh for me. You are the key to my entire existence. You’re transforming me into something new. I feel like I’ve never truly lived until now. Oh, this moment! It’s such a remarkable experience—to have gone through it, to have changed as I have. You’ve completely transformed me, brought out the artist in me again. From this point on, I can paint again. I can paint you." He barely realized what he was saying. It felt like he was uncovering himself to himself in a moment of revelation.
She let him kiss her, but she was too frightened and wrought to even breathe right. She was intense, emotional, strange. She did not really understand what it was that he was talking about.
She allowed him to kiss her, but she was too scared and overwhelmed to even breathe properly. She was intense, emotional, and felt odd. She didn’t really grasp what he was talking about.
"Tomorrow," he said, "at the wood's edge. Tomorrow. Sweet dreams. I shall never know peace any more without your love."
"Tomorrow," he said, "at the edge of the woods. Tomorrow. Sweet dreams. I'll never find peace again without your love."
And he watched her eagerly, sadly, bitterly, ecstatically, as she walked lightly from him, disappearing like a shadow through the dark and silent door.
And he watched her with a mix of eagerness, sadness, bitterness, and ecstasy as she walked away from him, vanishing like a shadow through the dark, quiet door.
CHAPTER VII
It would be impossible to describe even in so detailed an account as this the subtleties, vagaries, beauties and terrors of the emotions which seized upon him, and which by degrees began also to possess Suzanne, once he became wholly infatuated with her. Mrs. Dale, was, after a social fashion, one of Eugene's best friends. She had since she had first come to know him spread his fame far and wide as an immensely clever publisher and editor, an artist of the greatest power, and a man of lovely and delightful ideas and personal worth. He knew from various conversations with her that Suzanne was the apple of her eye. He had heard her talk, had, in fact, discussed with her the difficulties of rearing a simple mannered, innocent-minded girl in present day society. She had confided to him that it had been her policy to give Suzanne the widest liberty consistent with good-breeding and current social theories. She did not want to make her bold or unduly self-reliant, and yet she wanted her to be free and natural. Suzanne, she was convinced, from long observation and many frank conversations, was innately honest, truthful and clean-minded. She did not understand her exactly, for what mother can clearly understand any child; but she thought she read her well enough to know that she was in some indeterminate way forceful and able, like her father, and that she would naturally gravitate to what was worth while in life.
It would be impossible to describe, even in such a detailed account as this, the subtleties, quirks, beauties, and fears of the emotions that took hold of him and gradually started to affect Suzanne once he became completely infatuated with her. Mrs. Dale was, in a social sense, one of Eugene's closest friends. Since she first got to know him, she had spread his reputation far and wide as an incredibly talented publisher and editor, a remarkably gifted artist, and a man with wonderful and delightful ideas and personal integrity. Through various conversations with her, he learned that Suzanne was the center of her world. He had heard her talk about and even discussed with her the challenges of raising a simple, innocent girl in today's society. She confided in him that her approach had been to give Suzanne as much freedom as possible while still adhering to proper manners and current social norms. She didn't want to make her overly bold or too self-sufficient, but she wanted her to feel free and natural. Suzanne, she was convinced from extensive observation and many honest conversations, was inherently honest, truthful, and pure-minded. She didn't fully understand her, as no mother can truly understand her child, but she believed she had enough insight to recognize that Suzanne was, in some indistinct way, strong and capable, like her father, and that she would naturally gravitate toward what was valuable in life.
Had she any talent? Mrs. Dale really did not know. The girl had vague yearnings toward something which was anything but social in its quality. She did not care anything at all for most of the young men and women she met. She went about a great deal, but it was to ride and drive. Games of chance did not interest her. Drawing-room conversations were amusing to her, but not gripping. She liked interesting characters, able books, striking pictures. She had been particularly impressed with those of Eugene's; she had seen and had told her mother that they were wonderful. She loved poetry of high order, and was possessed of a boundless appetite for the ridiculous and the comic. An unexpected faux pas was apt to throw her into uncontrollable fits of laughter and the funny page selections of the current newspaper artists, when she could obtain them, amused her intensely. She was a student of character, and of her own mother, and was beginning to see clearly what were [Pg 544] the motives that were prompting her mother in her attitude toward herself, quite as clearly as that person did herself and better. At bottom she was more talented than her mother, but in a different way. She was not, as yet, as self-controlled, or as understanding of current theories and beliefs as her mother, but she was artistic, emotional, excitable, in an intellectual way, and capable of high flights of fancy and of intense and fine appreciations. Her really sensuous beauty was nothing to her. She did not value it highly. She knew she was beautiful, and that men and boys were apt to go wild about her, but she did not care. They must not be so silly, she thought. She did not attempt to attract them in any way. On the contrary, she avoided every occasion of possible provocation. Her mother had told her plainly how susceptible men were, how little their promises meant, how careful she must be of her looks and actions. In consequence, she went her way as gaily and yet as inoffensively as she could, trying to avoid the sadness of entrancing anyone hopelessly and wondering what her career was to be. Then Eugene appeared.
Did she have any talent? Mrs. Dale really didn’t know. The girl had vague aspirations toward something that was definitely not social. She didn’t care about most of the young men and women she met. She went out a lot, but it was just to ride and drive. Games of chance didn’t interest her. Drawing-room conversations were amusing, but not captivating. She liked interesting characters, good books, and striking art. She had been particularly impressed by Eugene’s work; she had seen it and told her mother it was wonderful. She loved high-quality poetry and had an insatiable appetite for the ridiculous and the funny. An unexpected blunder could send her into uncontrollable laughter, and the funny pages from the current newspaper artists amused her greatly when she could get them. She was a student of character, including her own mother, and was beginning to clearly understand the motives behind her mother’s attitude toward her, just as clearly as her mother did herself, if not better. Deep down, she was more talented than her mother, but in a different way. She wasn’t as self-controlled or as knowledgeable about current theories and beliefs as her mother, but she was artistic, emotional, and intellectually excitable, capable of grand flights of imagination and of deep and refined appreciation. Her genuine beauty didn’t mean much to her. She didn’t value it highly. She knew she was beautiful and that men and boys often went wild over her, but she didn’t care. They mustn’t be so foolish, she thought. She didn’t try to attract them at all. On the contrary, she avoided any chance of provoking them. Her mother had told her clearly how susceptible men were, how little their promises meant, and how careful she needed to be about her looks and actions. So, she went about her life as cheerfully and innocently as possible, trying to avoid the sadness of captivating someone hopelessly while wondering what her future held. Then Eugene appeared.
With his arrival, Suzanne had almost unconsciously entered upon a new phase of her existence. She had seen all sorts of men in society, but those who were exclusively social were exceedingly wearisome to her. She had heard her mother say that it was an important thing to marry money and some man of high social standing, but who this man was to be and what he was to be like she did not know. She did not look upon the typical society men she had encountered as answering suitably to the term high. She had seen some celebrated wealthy men of influential families, but they did not appear to her really human enough to be considered. Most of them were cold, self-opinionated, ultra-artificial to her easy, poetic spirit. In the realms of real distinction were many men whom the papers constantly talked about, financiers, politicians, authors, editors, scientists, some of whom were in society, she understood, but most of whom were not. She had met a few of them as a girl might. Most of those she met, or saw, were old and cold and paid no attention to her whatever. Eugene had appeared trailing an atmosphere of distinction and acknowledged ability and he was young. He was good looking, too—laughing and gay. It seemed almost impossible at first to her that one so young and smiling should be so able, as her mother said. Afterwards, when she came to know him, she began to feel that he was more than able; that he could do anything he pleased. She had visited him once in his office, accompanied by her mother, and she had been vastly [Pg 545] impressed by the great building, its artistic finish, Eugene's palatial surroundings. Surely he was the most remarkable young man she had ever known. Then came his incandescent attentions to her, his glowing, radiant presence and then——
With his arrival, Suzanne had almost instinctively stepped into a new phase of her life. She had met all kinds of men in society, but those who were just focused on socializing were incredibly dull to her. She had heard her mom say that it was important to marry someone wealthy and of high social status, but she had no idea who that man would be or what he would be like. The typical society men she had encountered didn't seem to fit the description of "high" at all. She had seen some well-known rich guys from influential families, but they didn't seem human enough to consider. Most of them were cold, self-important, and overly refined for her easygoing, poetic spirit. There were many men of real distinction who were frequently mentioned in the news—financiers, politicians, authors, editors, scientists—some of whom were in society, she understood, but most were not. She had met a few of them, like a young girl would. Most of those she encountered or spotted were old and distant and paid her no attention at all. Eugene had come along carrying an air of distinction and recognized talent, and he was young. He was also good-looking—cheerful and lively. At first, it seemed almost unbelievable to her that someone so young and smiling could be as capable as her mother claimed. Later, as she got to know him, she started to realize he was more than just capable; he could do anything he wanted. She had visited him once in his office, with her mom by her side, and she was very impressed by the impressive building, its artistic finishes, and Eugene's luxurious surroundings. He was surely the most remarkable young man she had ever known. Then came his dazzling attention to her, his vibrant, radiant presence and then——
Eugene speculated deeply on how he should proceed. All at once, after this night, the whole problem of his life came before him. He was married; he was highly placed socially, better than he had ever been before. He was connected closely with Colfax, so closely that he feared him, for Colfax, in spite of certain emotional vagaries of which Eugene knew, was intensely conventional. Whatever he did was managed in the most offhand way and with no intention of allowing his home life to be affected or disrupted. Winfield, whom also Mrs. Dale knew, was also conventional to outward appearances. He had a mistress, but she was held tightly in check, he understood. Eugene had seen her at the new casino, or a portion of it, the East Wing, recently erected at Blue Sea, and he had been greatly impressed with her beauty. She was smart, daring, dashing. Eugene looked at her then, wondering if the time would ever come when he could dare an intimacy of that character. So many married men did. Would he ever attempt it and succeed?
Eugene thought deeply about how he should move forward. Suddenly, after this night, the entire problem of his life unfolded before him. He was married and socially well-positioned, better than he had ever been. He was closely linked with Colfax, so much so that he felt intimidated by him, because Colfax, despite certain emotional quirks Eugene was aware of, was extremely conventional. Everything he did was handled casually and without any intention of allowing his home life to be affected or disrupted. Winfield, whom Mrs. Dale also knew, appeared to be just as conventional. He had a mistress, but he kept her tightly in control, as Eugene understood. Eugene had seen her recently at the new casino, or at least a part of it, the East Wing, which had just been built at Blue Sea, and he was very struck by her beauty. She was clever, bold, and lively. Eugene looked at her then, wondering if there would ever be a time when he could dare to become close to someone like her. Many married men did. Would he ever try it and succeed?
Now that he had met Suzanne, however, he had a different notion of all this, and it had come over him all at once. Heretofore in his dreams, he had fancied he might strike up an emotional relationship somewhere which would be something like Winfield's towards Miss De Kalb, as she was known, and so satisfy the weary longing that was in him for something new and delightful in the way of a sympathetic relationship with beauty. Since seeing Suzanne, he wanted nothing of this, but only some readjustment or rearrangement of his life whereby he could have Suzanne and Suzanne only. Suzanne! Suzanne! Oh, that dream of beauty. How was he to obtain her, how free his life of all save a beautiful relationship with her? He could live with her forever and ever. He could, he could! Oh, this vision, this dream!
Now that he had met Suzanne, he had a different perspective on everything, and it hit him all at once. Before, in his dreams, he had imagined forming an emotional connection somewhere that resembled Winfield's relationship with Miss De Kalb, as she was known, hoping to satisfy his tired longing for something new and wonderful in the form of a meaningful connection with beauty. But since seeing Suzanne, he wanted none of that; he just wanted to rearrange his life so he could have Suzanne and only Suzanne. Suzanne! Suzanne! Oh, that ideal of beauty. How was he supposed to get her? How could he free his life of everything except for a beautiful relationship with her? He could live with her forever and ever. He could, he could! Oh, this vision, this dream!
It was the Sunday following the dance that Suzanne and Eugene managed to devise another day together, which, though, it was one of those semi-accidental, semi-voiceless, but nevertheless not wholly thoughtless coincidences which sometimes come about without being wholly agreed upon or understood in the beginning, was nevertheless seized upon by them, accepted silently and semi-consciously, semi-unconsciously worked out together. Had they not been very strongly drawn to each other by now, [Pg 546] this would not have happened at all. But they enjoyed it none the less. To begin with, Mrs. Dale was suffering from a sick headache the morning after. In the next place, Kinroy suggested to his friends to go for a lark to South Beach, which was one of the poorest and scrubbiest of all the beaches on Staten Island. In the next place, Mrs. Dale suggested that Suzanne be allowed to go and that perhaps Eugene would be amused. She rather trusted him as a guide and mentor.
It was the Sunday after the dance that Suzanne and Eugene managed to plan another day together, which, although it was one of those partly accidental, partly unspoken moments, but still not entirely thoughtless coincidences that sometimes happen without being fully discussed or understood at first, was nonetheless embraced by them, accepted quietly and worked out together, somewhat consciously and unconsciously. If they hadn’t been so strongly drawn to each other by now, this wouldn’t have happened at all. But they enjoyed it all the same. To start with, Mrs. Dale was dealing with a bad headache the morning after. Then, Kinroy suggested to his friends that they go for a fun trip to South Beach, which was one of the least appealing and scruffiest beaches on Staten Island. Also, Mrs. Dale suggested that Suzanne be allowed to go, thinking that maybe Eugene would enjoy it. She kind of trusted him as a guide and mentor.
Eugene said calmly that he did not object. He was eager to be anywhere alone with Suzanne, and he fancied that some opportunity would present itself whereby once they were there, they could be together, but he did not want to show it. Once more the car was called and they departed, being let off at one end of a silly panorama which stretched its shabby length for a mile along the shore. The chauffeur took the car back to the house, it being agreed that they could reach him by phone. The party started down the plank walk, but almost immediately, because of different interests, divided. Eugene and Suzanne stopped to shoot at a shooting gallery. Next they stopped at a cane rack to ring canes. Anything was delightful to Eugene which gave him an opportunity to observe his inamorata, to see her pretty face, her smile, and to hear her heavenly voice. She rung a cane for him. Every gesture of hers was perfection; every look a thrill of delight. He was walking in some elysian realm which had nothing to do with the tawdry evidence of life about him.
Eugene said calmly that he didn't mind. He was eager to be anywhere alone with Suzanne and imagined that an opportunity would come up where they could be together once they arrived. He didn’t want to show it, though. Once more, the car was called, and they left, getting dropped off at one end of a tacky panorama that stretched for a mile along the shore. The chauffeur took the car back to the house, with the agreement that they could reach him by phone. The group started down the boardwalk but soon split up due to different interests. Eugene and Suzanne paused to shoot at a shooting gallery. Next, they stopped at a cane rack to ring canes. Everything was delightful for Eugene, giving him a chance to observe his crush, to see her pretty face, her smile, and to hear her lovely voice. She rang a cane for him. Every gesture of hers was perfection; every glance sent a thrill of joy through him. He felt like he was walking in an idyllic realm that had nothing to do with the cheapness of life around him.
They followed the boardwalk southward, after a ride in the Devil's Whirlpool, for by now Suzanne was caught in the persuasive subtlety of his emotion and could no more do as her honest judgment would have dictated than she could have flown. It needed some shock, some discovery to show her whither she was drifting and this was absent. They came to a new dance hall, where a few servant girls and their sweethearts were dancing, and for a lark Eugene proposed that they should enter. They danced together again, and though the surroundings were so poor and the music wretched, Eugene was in heaven.
They walked along the boardwalk heading south after going on the Devil's Whirlpool ride because by then, Suzanne was deeply affected by his emotions and couldn’t act according to her honest judgment any more than she could fly. She needed a shock or a revelation to realize where she was headed, but that was missing. They arrived at a new dance hall where a few waitresses and their partners were dancing, and as a joke, Eugene suggested they join in. They danced together again, and even though the place was shabby and the music was terrible, Eugene felt like he was in heaven.
"Let's run away and go to the Terra-Marine," he suggested, thinking of a hotel farther south along the shore. "It is so pleasant there. This is all so cheap."
"Let's escape and head to the Terra-Marine," he proposed, thinking of a hotel further down the coast. "It's really nice there. This place feels so cheap."
"Where is it?" asked Suzanne.
"Where is it?" Suzanne asked.
"Oh, about three miles south of here. We could almost walk there."
"Oh, it's about three miles south of here. We could almost walk there."
He looked down the long hot beach, but changed his mind.
He looked down the long, hot beach but then changed his mind.
"I don't mind this," said Suzanne. "It's so very bad that [Pg 547] it's good, you know. I like to see how these people enjoy themselves."
"I don't mind this," said Suzanne. "It's so bad that [Pg 547] it's actually good, you know? I like to see how these people have fun."
"But it is so bad," argued Eugene. "I wish I had your live, healthy attitude toward things. Still we won't go if you don't want to."
"But it is so bad," Eugene argued. "I wish I had your vibrant, healthy outlook on things. But we won't go if you don't want to."
Suzanne paused, thinking. Should she run away with him? The others would be looking for them. No doubt they were already wondering where they had gone. Still it didn't make so much difference. Her mother trusted her with Eugene. They could go.
Suzanne stopped to think. Should she leave with him? The others would be searching for them. They were probably already asking where they had gone. But it didn't really matter that much. Her mom trusted her with Eugene. They could go.
"Well," she said finally, "I don't care. Let's."
"Well," she said finally, "I don't care. Let's do it."
"What will the others think?" he said doubtfully.
"What will the others think?" he asked uncertainly.
"Oh, they won't mind," she said. "When they're ready, they'll call the car. They know that I am with you. They know that I can get the car when I want it. Mama won't mind."
"Oh, they won't care," she said. "When they're ready, they'll call for the car. They know I'm with you. They know I can get the car whenever I want. Mom won't care."
Eugene led the way back to a train which ran to Hugenot, their destination. He was beside himself with the idea of a day all alone with Suzanne. He did not stay to consider or give ear to a thought concerning Angela at home or how Mrs. Dale would view it. Nothing would come of it. It was not an outrageous adventure. They took the train south, and in a little while were in another world, on the veranda of a hotel that overlooked the sea. There were numerous autos of idlers like themselves in a court before the hotel. There was a great grassy lawn with swings covered by striped awnings of red and blue and green, and beyond that a pier with many little white launches anchored near. The sea was as smooth as glass and great steamers rode in the distance trailing lovely plumes of smoke. The sun was blazing hot, brilliant, but here on the cool porch waiters were serving pleasure lovers with food and drink. A quartette of negroes were singing. Suzanne and Eugene seated themselves in rockers at first to view the perfect day and later went down and sat in a swing. Unthinkingly, without words, these two were gradually gravitating toward each other under some spell which had no relationship to everyday life. Suzanne looked at him in the double seated swing where they sat facing each other and they smiled or jested aimlessly, voicing nothing of all the upward welling deep that was stirring within.
Eugene led the way back to a train heading to Hugenot, their destination. He was thrilled at the thought of spending a day alone with Suzanne. He didn’t stop to think about Angela back home or how Mrs. Dale would feel about it. It was just a simple outing. They took the train south, and soon found themselves in a different world, on the porch of a hotel overlooking the sea. There were plenty of cars belonging to other vacationers like them parked in front of the hotel. A large grassy lawn featured swings shaded by striped awnings of red, blue, and green, and beyond that was a pier with several small white boats anchored nearby. The sea was calm like glass, and large steamers floated in the distance, leaving behind beautiful plumes of smoke. The sun was blazing hot and shining brightly, but here on the cool porch, waiters were serving drinks and food to those looking for enjoyment. A quartet of Black singers was performing. Suzanne and Eugene first settled into rocking chairs to take in the perfect day, then moved to a swing. Without thinking and without words, they gradually felt drawn to each other under a spell that had nothing to do with daily life. Suzanne looked at him in the double-seated swing where they faced each other, smiling and joking aimlessly, without expressing the deep feelings that were stirring inside them.
"Was there ever such a day?" said Eugene finally, and in a voice that was filled with extreme yearning. "See that steamer out there. It looks like a little toy."
"Was there ever a day like this?" Eugene finally said, his voice full of intense longing. "Look at that steamer out there. It looks like a little toy."
"Yes," said Suzanne with a little gasp. She inhaled her [Pg 548] breath as she pronounced this word which gave it an airy breathlessness which had a touch of demure pathos in it. "Oh, it is perfect."
"Yes," Suzanne said with a slight gasp. She took a deep breath as she said this word, which made it sound light and breathless, adding a hint of modest emotion to it. "Oh, it’s perfect."
"Your hair," he said. "You don't know how nice you look. You fit this scene exactly."
"Your hair," he said. "You have no idea how great you look. You fit right in with this scene."
"Don't speak of me," she pleaded. "I look so tousled. The wind in the train blew my hair so I ought to go the ladies' dressing room and hunt up a maid."
"Don't talk about me," she begged. "I look a mess. The wind on the train messed up my hair, so I should go to the ladies' dressing room and find a maid."
"Stay here," said Eugene. "Don't go. It is all so lovely."
"Stay here," said Eugene. "Don't leave. It's all so beautiful."
"I won't now. I wish we might always sit here. You, just as you are there, and I here."
"I won't right now. I wish we could always sit here like this. You, just as you are, and me here."
"Did you ever read the 'Ode on a Grecian Urn'?"
"Have you ever read the 'Ode on a Grecian Urn'?"
"Yes."
"Yep."
"Do you remember the lines 'Fair youth, beneath the trees, thou canst not leave'?"
"Do you remember the lines 'Fair youth, beneath the trees, you can't leave'?"
"Yes, yes," she answered ecstatically.
"Yes, yes," she replied happily.
"Forever you will love, and she will be beautiful."
"Don't, don't," she pleaded.
"Please, no," she pleaded.
He understood. The pathos of that great thought was too much for her. It hurt her as it did him. What a mind!
He understood. The depth of that profound thought was overwhelming for her. It pained her just like it did him. What a mind!
They rocked and swung idly, he pushing with his feet at times in which labor she joined him. They strolled up the beach and sat down on a green clump of grass overlooking the sea. Idlers approached and passed. He laid his arm to her waist and held her hand, but something in her mood stayed him from any expression. Through dinner at the hotel it was the same and on the way to the train, for she wanted to walk through the dark. Under some tall trees, though, in the rich moonlight prevailing, he pressed her hand.
They swayed and rocked lazily, sometimes he would push with his feet while she joined in. They walked along the beach and sat down on a patch of green grass overlooking the ocean. People who were just hanging out came and went. He wrapped his arm around her waist and held her hand, but something about her mood stopped him from saying anything. Throughout dinner at the hotel, it was the same, and on the way to the train, because she wanted to walk through the darkness. But under some tall trees, with the bright moonlight all around, he squeezed her hand.
"Oh, Suzanne," he said.
"Oh, Suzanne," he said.
"No, no," she breathed, drawing back.
"No, no," she said, pulling away.
"Oh, Suzanne," he repeated, "may I tell you?"
"Oh, Suzanne," he said again, "can I tell you?"
"No, no," she answered. "Don't speak to me. Please don't. Let's just walk. You and I."
"No, no," she replied. "Don't talk to me. Please don't. Let's just walk. You and me."
He hushed, for her voice, though sad and fearsome, was imperious. He could not do less than obey this mood.
He silenced himself, for her voice, although sorrowful and intimidating, was commanding. He couldn't do anything but obey this feeling.
They went to a little country farmhouse which ranged along the track in lieu of a depot, and sang a quaint air from some old-time comic opera.
They went to a small country farmhouse that lined the track instead of a station and sang a quirky tune from an old comic opera.
[Pg 549] "Do you remember the first time when you came to play tennis with me?" he asked.
[Pg 549] "Do you remember the first time you came to play tennis with me?" he asked.
"Yes."
Yes.
"Do you know I felt a strange vibration before your coming and all during your playing. Did you?"
"Did you know I felt a weird vibe before you arrived and throughout your performance? Did you?"
"Yes."
Yes.
"What is that, Suzanne?"
"What's that, Suzanne?"
"I don't know."
"I have no idea."
"Don't you want to know?"
"Don't you want to find out?"
"No, no, Mr. Witla, not now."
"No, no, Mr. Witla, not now."
"Mr. Witla?"
"Mr. Witla?"
"It must be so."
"That's how it is."
"Oh, Suzanne!"
"Oh, Suzy!"
"Let's just think," she pleaded, "it is so beautiful."
"Let's just think," she begged, "it's so beautiful."
They came to a station near Daleview, and walked over. On the way he slipped his arm about her waist, but, oh, so lightly.
They arrived at a station near Daleview and walked over. On the way, he casually slipped his arm around her waist, but oh, so gently.
"Suzanne," he asked, with a terrible yearning ache in his heart, "do you blame me? Can you?"
"Suzanne," he asked, with a deep, painful longing in his heart, "do you blame me? Can you?"
"Don't ask me," she pleaded, "not now. No, no."
"Please don't ask me," she begged, "not right now. No, no."
He tried to press her a little more closely.
He tried to pull her a bit closer.
"Not now. I don't blame you."
"Not right now. I don’t hold it against you."
He stopped as they neared the lawn and entered the house with a jesting air. Explanations about mixing in the crowd and getting lost were easy. Mrs. Dale smiled good naturedly. Suzanne went to her room.
He paused as they approached the lawn and walked into the house with a playful attitude. It was easy to come up with excuses about blending in with the crowd and getting lost. Mrs. Dale smiled warmly. Suzanne headed to her room.
CHAPTER VIII
Having involved himself thus far, seized upon and made his own this perfect flower of life, Eugene had but one thought, and that was to retain it. Now, of a sudden, had fallen from him all the weariness of years. To be in love again. To be involved in such a love, so wonderful, so perfect, so exquisite, it did not seem that life could really be so gracious as to have yielded him so much. What did it all mean, his upward rise during all these years? There had been seemingly but one triumph after another since the bitter days in Riverwood and after. The World, Summerfield's, The Kalvin Company, The United Magazine Corporation, Winfield, his beautiful apartment on the drive. Surely the gods were good. What did they mean? To give him fame, fortune and Suzanne into the bargain? Could such a thing really be? How could it be worked out? Would fate conspire and assist him so that he could be free of Angela—or——
Having gotten this far, taken hold of and claimed this perfect flower of life, Eugene had only one thought: to keep it. Suddenly, all the weariness of years fell away from him. To fall in love again. To be part of such a love, so wonderful, so perfect, so exquisite; it didn’t seem possible that life could actually be this generous with him. What did it all mean, his rise over the years? It felt like one victory after another since those tough days in Riverwood and beyond. The World, Summerfield's, The Kalvin Company, The United Magazine Corporation, Winfield, his beautiful apartment on the drive. Surely the gods were kind. What did all this mean? To give him fame, fortune, and Suzanne as well? Could that really be? How could it all come together? Would fate help him so he could be free of Angela—or——
The thought of Angela to him in these days was a great pain. At bottom Eugene really did not dislike her, he never had. Years of living with her had produced an understanding and a relationship as strong and as keen as it might well be in some respects. Angela had always fancied since the Riverwood days that she really did not love Eugene truly any more—could not, that he was too self-centered and selfish; but this on her part was more of an illusion than a reality. She did care for him in an unselfish way from one point of view, in that she would sacrifice everything to his interests. From another point of view it was wholly selfish, for she wanted him to sacrifice everything for her in return. This he was not willing to do and had never been. He considered that his life was a larger thing than could be encompassed by any single matrimonial relationship. He wanted freedom of action and companionship, but he was afraid of Angela, afraid of society, in a way afraid of himself and what positive liberty might do to him. He felt sorry for Angela—for the intense suffering she would endure if he forced her in some way to release him—and at the same time he felt sorry for himself. The lure of beauty had never for one moment during all these years of upward mounting effort been stilled.
The thought of Angela weighed heavily on him these days. Deep down, Eugene never really disliked her; he never had. Years of living together had created a deep understanding and a relationship that was strong and intricate in many ways. Since the Riverwood days, Angela had convinced herself that she didn't truly love Eugene anymore—believing she couldn't because he was too self-centered and selfish. However, this belief was more of an illusion than reality. She did care for him selflessly in one way, willing to sacrifice everything for his interests. Yet, from another perspective, it was entirely selfish because she wanted him to give up everything for her in return. He wasn't willing to do that and never had been. He felt that his life was bigger than what could be contained in any single marriage. He wanted freedom of action and companionship, but he was afraid of Angela, afraid of society, and in a way, afraid of himself and what true freedom might lead him to do. He felt sorry for Angela—knowing the intense suffering she would go through if he compelled her to let him go—and at the same time, he felt sorry for himself. The allure of beauty had never once faded during all these years of striving for improvement.
It is curious how things seem to conspire at times to produce [Pg 551] a climax. One would think that tragedies like plants and flowers are planted as seeds and grow by various means and aids to a terrible maturity. Roses of hell are some lives, and they shine with all the lustre of infernal fires.
It’s interesting how sometimes everything seems to come together to create a climax. One would think that tragedies, like plants and flowers, are sown as seeds and develop through various means to reach a terrible maturity. Some lives are like hell's roses, shining with all the brilliance of infernal fires.
In the first place Eugene now began to neglect his office work thoroughly, for he could not fix his mind upon it any more than he could upon the affairs of the Sea Island Company, or upon his own home and Angela's illness. The morning after his South Beach experience with Suzanne and her curious reticence, he saw her for a little while upon the veranda of Daleview. She was not seemingly depressed, or at least, not noticeably so, and yet there was a gravity about her which indicated that a marked impression of some kind had been made upon her soul. She looked at him with wide frank eyes as she came out to him purposely to tell him that she was going with her mother and some friends to Tarrytown for the day.
Eugene started to completely neglect his work because he couldn’t focus on it any more than he could on the Sea Island Company’s issues, or on his own home and Angela’s illness. The morning after his experience at South Beach with Suzanne and her strange silence, he saw her for a bit on the veranda at Daleview. She didn’t seem depressed, or at least not obviously so, but there was a seriousness about her that suggested something significant had affected her deeply. She looked at him with wide, sincere eyes as she approached him to let him know she was going with her mother and some friends to Tarrytown for the day.
"I have to go," she said. "Mamma has arranged it by phone."
"I have to go," she said. "Mom set it up over the phone."
"Then I won't see you any more here?"
"Does that mean I won't see you here anymore?"
"No."
"Nope."
"Do you love me, Suzanne?"
"Do you love me, Suz?"
"Oh, yes, yes," she declared, and walked wearily to an angle of the wall where they could not be seen.
"Oh, yes, yes," she said, and walked tiredly to a corner of the wall where they couldn't be seen.
He followed her quickly, cautiously.
He followed her quickly and cautiously.
"Kiss me," he said, and she put her lips to his in a distraught frightened way. Then she turned and walked briskly off and he admired the robust swinging of her body. She was not tall, like himself, or small like Angela, but middle sized, full bodied, vigorous. He imagined now that she had a powerful soul in her, capable of great things, full of courage and strength. Once she was a little older, she would be very forceful and full of strong, direct thought.
"Kiss me," he said, and she pressed her lips to his in a distressed, frightened way. Then she turned and walked quickly away, and he admired the confident sway of her body. She wasn't tall like him or short like Angela, but average height, curvy, and energetic. He imagined that she had a strong soul within her, capable of amazing things, filled with bravery and resilience. Once she was a bit older, she would be very assertive and full of strong, clear ideas.
He did not see her again for nearly ten days, and by that time he was nearly desperate. He was wondering all the time how he was to arrange this. He could not go on in this haphazard way, seeing her occasionally. Why she might leave town for the fall a little later and then what would he do? If her mother heard she would take her off to Europe and then would Suzanne forget? What a tragedy that would be! No, before that should happen, he would run away with her. He would realize all his investments and get away. He could not live without her. He must have her at any cost. What did the United Magazine Corporation amount to, anyway? He was tired of that work. Angela might have the Sea Island Realty Company's [Pg 552] stock, if he could not dispose of it advantageously, or if he could, he would make provision for her out of what he should receive. He had some ready money—a few thousand dollars. This and his art—he could still paint—would sustain them. He would go to England with Suzanne, or to France. They would be happy if she really loved him and he thought she did. All this old life could go its way. It was a dreary thing, anyhow, without love. These were his first thoughts.
He didn’t see her again for almost ten days, and by then he was almost desperate. He kept wondering how he was going to sort this out. He couldn’t keep going on like this, seeing her just sometimes. What if she left town for the fall later on? Then what would he do? If her mom found out, she would take her to Europe, and then would Suzanne forget him? That would be such a tragedy! No, before that could happen, he would run away with her. He would cash in all his investments and escape. He couldn’t live without her. He had to have her at any cost. What did the United Magazine Corporation even matter anymore? He was tired of that job. Angela could have the Sea Island Realty Company's [Pg 552] stock if he couldn’t sell it at a good price, or if he could, he’d set her up with whatever he got. He had some cash— a few thousand dollars. This and his art— he could still paint—would support them. He would go to England with Suzanne or to France. They’d be happy if she really loved him, and he believed she did. All this old life could go on without him. It was a dull thing anyway, without love. These were his first thoughts.
Later, he came to have different ones, but this was after he had talked to Suzanne again. It was a difficult matter to arrange. In a fit of desperation he called up Daleview one day, and asked if Miss Suzanne Dale was there. A servant answered, and in answer to the "who shall I say" he gave the name of a young man that he knew Suzanne knew. When she answered he said: "Listen, Suzanne! Can you hear very well?"
Later on, he ended up having different feelings, but that was after he spoke with Suzanne again. It was a tough situation to sort out. One day, out of sheer desperation, he called Daleview and asked if Miss Suzanne Dale was available. A servant picked up, and when asked who to say was calling, he gave the name of a young man he knew Suzanne recognized. When she picked up, he said: "Hey, Suzanne! Can you hear me okay?"
"Yes."
Yes.
"Do you recognize my voice?"
"Do you know my voice?"
"Yes."
Yes.
"Please don't pronounce my name, will you?"
"Please don’t say my name, okay?"
"No."
"Nope."
"Suzanne, I am crazy to see you. It has been ten days now. Are you going to be in town long?"
"Suzanne, I can't wait to see you. It's been ten days now. Are you going to be in town for a while?"
"I don't know. I think so."
"I’m not sure. I think so."
"If anyone comes near you, Suzanne, simply hang up the receiver, and I will understand."
"If anyone gets close to you, Suzanne, just hang up the phone, and I'll get it."
"Yes."
Yes.
"If I came anywhere near your house in a car, could you come out and see me?"
"If I drove anywhere near your house, would you come outside to see me?"
"I don't know."
"I don't know."
"Oh, Suzanne!"
"Oh, Suzanne!"
"I'm not sure. I'll try. What time?"
"I'm not sure. I'll give it a try. What time?"
"Do you know where the old fort road is, at Crystal Lake, just below you?"
"Do you know where the old fort road is, at Crystal Lake, just below you?"
"Yes."
"Yeah."
"Do you know where the ice house is near the road there?"
"Do you know where the ice house is by the road over there?"
"Yes."
Yes.
"Could you come there?"
"Can you come over?"
"What time?"
"What time is it?"
"At eleven tomorrow morning or two this afternoon or three."
"At eleven tomorrow morning, two this afternoon, or three."
"I might at two today."
"I might be there at two today."
"Oh, thank you for that. I'll wait for you, anyhow."
"Oh, thanks for that. I'll wait for you, anyway."
"All right. Good-bye."
"Okay. Bye."
And she hung up the receiver.
And she hung up the phone.
[Pg 553] Eugene rejoiced at the fortunate outcome of this effort without thinking at first of the capable manner in which she had handled the situation. Truly he said afterwards she must be very courageous to think so directly and act so quickly, for it must have been very trying to her. This love of his was so new. Her position was so very difficult. And yet, on this first call when she had been suddenly put in touch with him, she had shown no signs of trepidation. Her voice had been firm and even, much more so than his, for he was nervously excited. She had taken in the situation at once and fallen into the ruse quite readily. Was she as simple as she seemed? Yes and no. She was simply capable, he thought and her capability had acted through her simplicity instantly.
[Pg 553] Eugene was thrilled by the positive outcome of this effort without initially considering how skillfully she had managed the situation. Later, he remarked that she must be quite brave to think so clearly and act so quickly, as it must have been very challenging for her. This love he felt was so fresh and her circumstances were quite complicated. Yet, during this first encounter when she had suddenly connected with him, she showed no signs of fear. Her voice was steady and calm, much more so than his, since he was nervously excited. She had instantly grasped the situation and easily went along with the deception. Was she truly as straightforward as she appeared? Yes and no. He believed she was genuinely capable, and her capability had immediately manifested through her seeming simplicity.
At two the same day Eugene was there. He gave as an excuse to his secretary that he was going out for a business conference with a well-known author whose book he wished to obtain, and, calling a closed auto, but one not his own, journeyed to the rendezvous. He asked the man to drive down the road, making runs of half a mile to and fro while he sat in the shade of a clump of trees out of view of the road. Presently Suzanne came, bright and fresh as the morning, beautiful in a light purple walking costume of masterly design. She had on a large soft brimmed hat with long feathers of the same shade which became her exquisitely. She walked with an air of grace and freedom, and yet when he looked into her eyes, he saw a touch of trouble there.
At two o'clock that day, Eugene arrived. He told his secretary that he was heading out for a business meeting with a well-known author whose book he wanted to get, and he called for a car that wasn’t his own to take him to the meeting spot. He instructed the driver to go up and down the road in half-mile stretches while he waited in the shade of some trees, out of sight of the road. Soon, Suzanne appeared, bright and fresh like the morning, looking stunning in a light purple walking outfit that was beautifully designed. She wore a large soft-brimmed hat with long feathers in the same shade, which suited her perfectly. She walked with a sense of elegance and freedom, but when he looked into her eyes, he noticed a hint of concern.
"At last?" he said signaling her and smiling. "Come in here. My car is just up the road. Don't you think we had better get in? It's closed. We might be seen. How long can you stay?"
"Finally?" he said, gesturing to her and smiling. "Come in here. My car is just up the road. Don't you think we should get in? It’s parked. We might be seen. How long can you stick around?"
He took her in his arms and kissed her eagerly while she explained that she could not stay long. She had said she was going to the library, which her mother had endowed, for a book. She must be there by half past three or four at the least.
He pulled her close and kissed her passionately while she explained that she couldn’t stay long. She mentioned she was heading to the library, which her mother had funded, to pick up a book. She needed to be there by 3:30 or 4 at the latest.
"Oh, we can talk a great deal by then," he said gaily. "Here comes the car. Let's get in."
"Oh, we can chat a lot by then," he said cheerfully. "Here comes the car. Let's hop in."
He looked cautiously about, hailed it, and they stepped in quickly as it drew up.
He glanced around carefully, signaled it, and they got in quickly as it arrived.
"Perth Amboy," said Eugene, and they were off at high speed.
"Perth Amboy," said Eugene, and they took off quickly.
Once in the car all was perfect, for they could not be seen. He drew the shades partially and took her in his arms.
Once they were in the car, everything was perfect because they couldn't be seen. He partially closed the shades and took her in his arms.
"Oh, Suzanne," he said, "how long it has seemed. How very long. Do you love me?"
"Oh, Suzanne," he said, "it feels like it's been forever. Seriously, forever. Do you love me?"
[Pg 554] "Yes, you know I do."
"Yeah, you know I do."
"Suzanne, how shall we arrange this? Are you going away soon? I must see you oftener."
"Suzanne, how should we handle this? Are you leaving soon? I need to see you more often."
"I don't know," she said. "I don't know what mama is thinking of doing. I know she wants to go up to Lenox in the fall."
"I don't know," she said. "I have no idea what Mom is planning. I do know she wants to go to Lenox in the fall."
"Oh, Pshaw!" commented Eugene wearily.
"Oh, come on!" commented Eugene wearily.
"Listen, Mr. Witla," said Suzanne thoughtfully. "You know we are running a terrible risk. What if Mrs. Witla should find out, or mama? It would be terrible."
"Listen, Mr. Witla," Suzanne said thoughtfully. "You know we’re taking a huge risk. What if Mrs. Witla finds out, or Mom? It would be awful."
"I know it," said Eugene. "I suppose I ought not to be acting in this way. But, oh, Suzanne, I am wild about you. I am not myself any longer. I don't know what I am. I only know that I love you, love you, love you!"
"I know it," Eugene said. "I guess I shouldn’t be acting like this. But, oh, Suzanne, I'm crazy about you. I'm not myself anymore. I don’t even know who I am. All I know is that I love you, love you, love you!"
He gathered her in his arms and kissed her ecstatically. "How sweet you look. How beautiful you are. Oh, flower face! Myrtle Bloom! Angel Eyes! Divine Fire!" He hugged her in a long silent embrace, the while the car sped on.
He held her close and kissed her passionately. "You look so sweet. You're so beautiful. Oh, flower face! Myrtle Bloom! Angel Eyes! Divine Fire!" He wrapped her in a long, silent hug as the car continued to speed along.
"But what about us?" she asked, wide-eyed. "You know we are running a terrible risk. I was just thinking this morning when you called me up. It's dangerous, you know."
"But what about us?" she asked, her eyes wide. "You know we're taking a huge risk. I was just thinking about it this morning when you called me. It’s dangerous, you know."
"Are you becoming sorry, Suzanne?"
"Are you feeling sorry, Suzanne?"
"No."
"No."
"Do you love me?"
"Do you care about me?"
"You know I do."
"I know I do."
"Then you will help me figure this out?"
"Are you going to help me figure this out?"
"I want to. But listen, Mr. Witla, now listen to me. I want to tell you something." She was very solemn and quaint and sweet in this mood.
"I want to. But please, Mr. Witla, just hear me out. I have something to tell you." She was very serious, charming, and sweet in this moment.
"I will listen to anything, baby mine, but don't call me Mr. Witla. Call me Eugene, will you?"
"I'll listen to anything, baby mine, but don’t call me Mr. Witla. Just call me Eugene, okay?"
"Well, now, listen to me, Mr.—Mr.—Eugene."
"Okay, now, listen to me, Mr.—Mr.—Eugene."
"Not Mr. Eugene, just Eugene. Now say it. Eugene," he quoted his own name to her.
"Not Mr. Eugene, just Eugene. Now say it. Eugene," he repeated his name to her.
"Now listen to me, Mr.—now, listen to me, Eugene," she at last forced herself to say, and Eugene stopped her lips with his mouth.
"Now listen to me, Mr.—now, listen to me, Eugene," she finally managed to say, and Eugene silenced her with a kiss.
"There," he said.
"There," he said.
"Now listen to me," she went on urgently, "you know I am afraid mama will be terribly angry if she finds this out."
"Now listen to me," she continued urgently, "you know I'm really afraid mom will be really mad if she finds out about this."
"Oh, will she?" interrupted Eugene jocosely.
"Oh, will she?" Eugene chimed in playfully.
Suzanne paid no attention to him.
Suzanne dismissed him.
"We have to be very careful. She likes you so much now that if she doesn't come across anything direct, she will never [Pg 555] think of anything. She was talking about you only this morning."
"We have to be really cautious. She likes you a lot right now, and if she doesn't encounter anything clear, she won't think of anything. She was just talking about you this morning."
"What was she saying?"
"What did she say?"
"Oh, what a nice man you are, and how able you are."
"Oh, what a nice guy you are, and how capable you are."
"Oh, nothing like that," replied Eugene jestingly.
"Oh, nothing like that," Eugene replied jokingly.
"Yes, she did. And I think Mrs. Witla likes me. I can meet you sometimes when I'm there, but we must be so careful. I mustn't stay out long today. I want to think things out, too. You know I'm having a real hard time thinking about this."
"Yeah, she did. And I think Mrs. Witla likes me. I can meet you sometimes when I'm there, but we have to be really careful. I can't stay out long today. I want to sort things out, too. You know I'm having a really hard time thinking about this."
Eugene smiled. Her innocence was so delightful to him, so naïve.
Eugene smiled. Her innocence was so charming to him, so naive.
"What do you mean by thinking things out, Suzanne?" asked Eugene curiously. He was interested in the workings of her young mind, which seemed so fresh and wonderful to him. It was so delightful to find this paragon of beauty so responsive, so affectionate and helpful and withal so thoughtful. She was somewhat like a delightful toy to him, and he held her as reverently in awe as though she were a priceless vase.
"What do you mean by thinking things through, Suzanne?" asked Eugene curiously. He was fascinated by the way her young mind worked, which seemed so fresh and amazing to him. It was such a pleasure to see this ideal of beauty so engaged, so loving and helpful, and also so considerate. She was a bit like a charming toy to him, and he regarded her with the same reverence and awe as if she were a priceless vase.
"You know I want to think what I'm doing. I have to. It seems so terrible to me at times and yet you know, you know——"
"You know I want to reflect on what I'm doing. I have to. It feels so awful to me at times and yet you know, you know——"
"I know what?" he asked, when she paused.
"I know what?" he asked when she stopped speaking.
"I don't know why I shouldn't if I want to—if I love you."
"I don't know why I shouldn't if I want to—if I love you."
Eugene looked at her curiously. This attempt at analysis of life, particularly in relation to so trying and daring a situation as this, astonished him. He had fancied Suzanne more or less thoughtless and harmless as yet, big potentially, but uncertain and vague. Here she was thinking about this most difficult problem almost more directly than he was and apparently with more courage. He was astounded, but more than that, intensely interested. What had become of her terrific fright of ten days before? What was it she was thinking about exactly?
Eugene looked at her with curiosity. Her effort to analyze life, especially in such a challenging and risky situation, surprised him. He had thought of Suzanne as somewhat carefree and harmless up to now—full of potential but uncertain and unclear. Yet here she was, tackling this tough issue almost more directly than he was, seemingly with more courage. He was amazed, but even more so, deeply intrigued. What had happened to her intense fear from ten days ago? What was she really thinking about?
"What a curious girl you are," he said.
"What a strange girl you are," he said.
"Why am I?" she asked.
"Why am I here?" she asked.
"Because you are. I didn't think you could think so keenly yet. I thought you would some day. But, how have you reasoned this out?"
"Because you are. I didn’t think you could think this deeply yet. I thought you would someday. But how did you come to this conclusion?"
"Did you ever read 'Anna Karénina'?" she asked him meditatively.
"Have you ever read 'Anna Karénina'?" she asked him thoughtfully.
"Yes," he said, wondering that she should have read it at her age.
"Yeah," he said, surprised that she had read it at her age.
"What did you think of that?"
"What did you think about that?"
[Pg 556] "Oh, it shows what happens, as a rule, when you fly in the face of convention," he said easily, wondering at the ability of her brain.
[Pg 556] "Oh, it demonstrates what usually occurs when you defy convention," he said casually, impressed by her intellect.
"Do you think things must happen that way?"
"Do you really think things have to happen like that?"
"No, I don't think they must happen that way. There are lots of cases where people do go against the conventions and succeed. I don't know. It appears to be all a matter of time and chance. Some do and some don't. If you are strong enough or clever enough to 'get away with it,' as they say, you will. If you aren't, you won't. What makes you ask?"
"No, I don’t think things have to go that way. There are plenty of examples of people who break the rules and still succeed. I’m not sure. It seems like it all comes down to timing and luck. Some people do and some don’t. If you’re smart enough or tough enough to 'pull it off,' as they say, you will. If not, you won’t. Why do you ask?"
"Well," she said, pausing, her lips parted, her eyes fixed on the floor, "I was thinking that it needn't necessarily be like that, do you think? It could be different?"
"Well," she said, pausing, her lips parted, her eyes fixed on the floor, "I was thinking that it doesn't have to be like that, do you think? It could be different?"
"Yes, it could be," he said thoughtfully, wondering if it really could.
"Yeah, it might be," he said, thinking about whether it actually could be.
"Because if it couldn't," she went on, "the price would be too high. It isn't worth while."
"Because if it couldn't," she continued, "the cost would be too high. It's not worth it."
"You mean, you mean," he said, looking at her, "that you would." He was thinking that she was deliberately contemplating making a sacrifice of herself for him. Something in her thoughtful, self-debating, meditative manner made him think so.
"You mean, you mean," he said, looking at her, "that you would." He was thinking that she was intentionally considering sacrificing herself for him. Something in her thoughtful, self-reflective, contemplative way made him believe that.
Suzanne looked out of the window and slowly nodded her head. "Yes," she said, solemnly, "if it could be arranged. Why not? I don't see why."
Suzanne glanced out of the window and slowly nodded. "Yes," she said seriously, "if it can be arranged. Why not? I don't see any reason not to."
Her face was a perfect blossom of beauty, as she spoke. Eugene wondered whether he was waking or sleeping. Suzanne reasoning so! Suzanne reading "Anna Karénina" and philosophizing so! Basing a course of action on theorizing in connection with books and life, and in the face of such terrible evidence as "Anna Karénina" presented to the contrary of this proposition. Would wonders ever cease?
Her face was a perfect bloom of beauty as she spoke. Eugene wondered if he was awake or dreaming. Suzanne reasoning like that! Suzanne reading "Anna Karenina" and philosophizing like that! Making decisions based on theories related to books and life, despite the harsh evidence that "Anna Karenina" provided against that idea. Would the surprises never end?
"You know," she said after a time, "I think mama wouldn't mind, Eugene. She likes you. I've heard her say so lots of times. Besides I've heard her talk this way about other people. She thinks people oughtn't to marry unless they love each other very much. I don't think she thinks it's necessary for people to marry at all unless they want to. We might live together if we wished, you know."
"You know," she said after a while, "I think Mom wouldn’t mind, Eugene. She likes you. I've heard her say that so many times. Plus, I've heard her talk this way about other people. She believes people shouldn’t get married unless they really love each other. I don’t think she thinks marrying is necessary at all unless people want to. We could live together if we wanted, you know."
Eugene himself had heard Mrs. Dale question the marriage system, but only in a philosophic way. He did not take much stock in her social maunderings. He did not know what she might be privately saying to Suzanne, but he did not believe it could be very radical, or at least seriously so.
Eugene had heard Mrs. Dale question the marriage system, but only in a philosophical way. He didn’t think much of her social ramblings. He wasn’t sure what she might be privately telling Suzanne, but he didn’t believe it could be very radical, or at least not seriously so.
"Don't you take any stock in what your mother says, Suzanne," [Pg 557] he observed, studying her pretty face. "She doesn't mean it, at least, she doesn't mean it as far as you are concerned. She's merely talking. If she thought anything were going to happen to you, she'd change her mind pretty quick."
"Don't pay any attention to what your mom says, Suzanne," [Pg 557] he said, looking at her pretty face. "She doesn't mean it, at least not in your case. She's just talking. If she really thought something was going to happen to you, she'd change her mind really fast."
"No, I don't think so," replied Suzanne thoughtfully. "You know, I think I know mama better than she knows herself. She always talks of me as a little girl, but I can rule her in lots of things. I've done it."
"No, I don't think so," Suzanne replied, pondering. "You know, I feel like I know Mom better than she knows herself. She always refers to me as a little girl, but I can take charge in a lot of situations. I've done it."
Eugene stared at Suzanne in amazement. He could scarcely believe his ears. She was beginning so early to think so deeply on the social and executive sides of life. Why should her mind be trying to dominate her mother's?
Eugene stared at Suzanne in amazement. He could hardly believe his ears. She was starting so early to think so deeply about the social and management aspects of life. Why should her mind be trying to overpower her mother's?
"Suzanne," he observed, "you must be careful what you do or say. Don't rush into talking of this pellmell. It's dangerous. I love you, but we shall have to go slow. If Mrs. Witla should learn of this, she would be crazy. If your mother should suspect, she would take you away to Europe somewhere, very likely. Then I wouldn't get to see you at all."
"Suzanne," he said, "you have to be careful about what you do or say. Don’t jump into discussing this too quickly. It’s risky. I love you, but we need to take it slow. If Mrs. Witla found out about this, she would go nuts. If your mom suspected anything, she’d probably take you off to Europe or something. Then I wouldn't get to see you at all."
"Oh, no, she wouldn't," replied Suzanne determinedly. "You know, I know mama better than you think I do. I can rule her, I tell you. I know I can. I've done it."
"Oh, no, she wouldn't," Suzanne said firmly. "You know, I understand Mom better than you realize. I can manage her, I promise. I know I can. I've done it before."
She tossed her head in an exquisitely pretty way which upset Eugene's reasoning faculties. He could not think and look at her.
She tossed her head in a beautifully cute way that distracted Eugene's ability to think. He couldn't focus and look at her at the same time.
"Suzanne," he said, drawing her to him. "You are exquisite, extreme, the last word in womanhood for me. To think of your reasoning so—you, Suzanne."
"Suzanne," he said, pulling her close. "You're stunning, exceptional, the ultimate woman for me. The way you think—it's incredible, you, Suzanne."
"Why, why," she asked, with pretty parted lips and uplifted eyebrows, "why shouldn't I think?"
"Why, why," she asked, her lips slightly parted and her eyebrows raised, "why shouldn't I think?"
"Oh, yes, certainly, we all do, but not so deeply, necessarily, Flower Face."
"Oh, yes, definitely, we all do, but not so intensely, necessarily, Flower Face."
"Well, we must think now," she said simply.
"Well, we need to think now," she said plainly.
"Yes, we must think now," he replied; "would you really share a studio with me if I were to take one? I don't know of any other way quite at present."
"Yes, we need to think about this now," he said. "Would you actually share a studio with me if I got one? I can't think of any other options right now."
"I would, if I knew how to manage it," she replied. "Mama is queer. She's so watchful. She thinks I'm a child and you know I am not at all. I don't understand mama. She talks one thing and does another. I would rather do and not talk. Don't you think so?" He stared. "Still, I think I can fix it. Leave it to me."
"I would, if I knew how to handle it," she replied. "Mom is strange. She's so observant. She thinks I'm a kid, and you know I'm not at all. I don’t get Mom. She says one thing and does another. I'd rather just do it than talk about it. Don't you think so?" He stared. "Still, I think I can figure it out. Just leave it to me."
"And if you can you'll come to me?"
"And if you can, you'll come to me?"
"Oh, yes, yes," exclaimed Suzanne ecstatically, turning to [Pg 558] him all at once and catching his face between her hands. "Oh!"—she looked into his eyes and dreamed.
"Oh, yes, yes," Suzanne said excitedly, suddenly turning to him and holding his face in her hands. "Oh!"—she gazed into his eyes and got lost in thought.
"But we must be careful," he cautioned. "We musn't do anything rash."
"But we need to be careful," he warned. "We shouldn't do anything impulsive."
"I won't," said Suzanne.
"I won't," Suzanne said.
"And I won't, of course," he replied.
"And I won't, of course," he said.
They paused again while he watched her.
They paused again as he watched her.
"I might make friends with Mrs. Witla," she observed, after a time. "She likes me, doesn't she?"
"I could be friends with Mrs. Witla," she said after a while. "She likes me, right?"
"Yes," said Eugene.
"Yeah," said Eugene.
"Mama doesn't object to my going up there, and I could let you know."
"Mama doesn't mind if I go up there, and I could let you know."
"That's all right. Do that," said Eugene. "Oh, please do, if you can. Did you notice whose name I used today?"
"That's fine. Go ahead," said Eugene. "Oh, please do, if you can. Did you notice whose name I used today?"
"Yes," she said. "You know Mr. Witla, Eugene, I thought you might call me up?"
"Yeah," she said. "You know Mr. Witla, Eugene, I thought you might give me a call?"
"Did you?" he asked, smiling.
"Did you?" he asked, grinning.
"Yes."
Yes.
"You give me courage, Suzanne," he said, drawing close to her. "You're so confident, so apparently carefree. The world hasn't touched your spirit."
"You give me courage, Suzanne," he said, moving closer to her. "You're so confident, and you seem so carefree. The world hasn't affected your spirit at all."
"When I'm away from you, though, I'm not so courageous," she replied. "I've been thinking terrible things. I get frightened sometimes."
"When I'm not with you, I'm not as brave," she said. "I've been thinking horrible things. I get scared sometimes."
"But you mustn't, sweet, I need you so. Oh, how I need you."
"But you can’t, sweetheart, I need you so much. Oh, how I need you."
She looked at him, and for the first time smoothed his hair with her hand.
She looked at him and, for the first time, ran her fingers through his hair.
"You know, Eugene, you're just like a boy to me."
"You know, Eugene, you're really just like a boy to me."
"Do I seem so?" he asked, comforted greatly.
"Do I really seem that way?" he asked, feeling much more at ease.
"I couldn't love you as I do if you weren't."
"I couldn't love you the way I do if you weren't."
He drew her to him again and kissed her anew.
He pulled her close and kissed her again.
"Can't we repeat these rides every few days?" he asked.
"Can’t we go on these rides every few days?" he asked.
"Yes, if I'm here, maybe."
"Sure, if I'm here, maybe."
"It's all right to call you up if I use another name?"
"It's okay to call you if I use a different name?"
"Yes, I think so."
"Yeah, I think so."
"Let's choose new names for each, so that we'll know who's calling. You shall be Jenny Lind and I Allan Poe." Then they fell to ardent love-making until the time came when they had to return. For him, so far as work was concerned, the afternoon was gone.
"Let's pick new names for each other, so we know who's calling. You can be Jenny Lind and I'll be Allan Poe." Then they got caught up in passionate love-making until it was time to head back. For him, as far as work went, the afternoon was over.
CHAPTER IX
There followed now a series of meetings contrived with difficulty, fraught with danger, destructive of his peace of mind, of his recently acquired sense of moral and commercial responsibility, of the sense of singleness of purpose and interest in his editorial and publishing world, which had helped him so much recently. The meetings nevertheless were full of such intense bliss for him that it seemed as though he were a thousand times repaid for all the subtlety and folly he was practicing. There were times when he came to the ice house in a hired car, others when she notified him by phone or note to his office of times when she was coming in to town to stay. He took her in his car one afternoon to Blue Sea when he was sure no one would encounter him. He persuaded Suzanne to carry a heavy veil, which could be adjusted at odd moments. Another time—several, in fact she came to the apartment in Riverside Drive, ostensibly to see how Mrs. Witla was getting along, but really, of course, to see Eugene. Suzanne did not really care so much for Angela, although she did not dislike her. She thought she was an interesting woman, though perhaps not a happy mate for Eugene. The latter had told her not so much that he was unhappy as that he was out of love. He loved her now, Suzanne, and only her.
There were a series of meetings that were hard to arrange, full of risks, and upsetting to his peace of mind, along with his newfound sense of moral and business responsibility, and the clarity of focus and shared interests in his editorial and publishing life that had helped him so much recently. Still, these meetings brought him such intense joy that it felt like he was getting back a thousand times what he was putting into all the subtlety and foolishness he was engaged in. There were times he arrived at the ice house in a rented car, and other times she let him know by phone or a note to his office when she was coming into town to stay. One afternoon, he drove her to Blue Sea when he was sure no one would see him. He convinced Suzanne to wear a heavy veil that she could adjust during odd moments. On other occasions—many, in fact—she visited the Riverside Drive apartment, pretending to check on how Mrs. Witla was doing, but really, of course, to see Eugene. Suzanne didn’t care much for Angela, though she didn’t dislike her either. She thought Angela was an interesting woman, though maybe not the best match for Eugene. He had told her that he wasn’t so much unhappy as he was out of love. Now he loved Suzanne, and only her.
The problem as to where this relationship was to lead to was complicated by another problem, which Eugene knew nothing of, but which was exceedingly important. For Angela, following the career of Eugene with extreme pleasure and satisfaction on the commercial side, and fear and distrust on the social and emotional sides, had finally decided to risk the uncertain outcome of a child in connection with Eugene and herself, and to give him something which would steady his life and make him realize his responsibilities and offer him something gladdening besides social entertainment and the lure of beauty in youth. She had never forgotten the advice which Mrs. Sanifore and her physician had given her in Philadelphia, nor had she ever ceased her cogitations as to what the probable effect of a child would be. Eugene needed something of this sort to balance him. His position in the world was too tenuous, his temperament too variable. A child—a little girl, she hoped, for he always liked little girls [Pg 560] and made much of them—would quiet him. If she could only have a little girl now!
The issue of where this relationship was heading was complicated by another problem that Eugene was completely unaware of, but it was very important. Angela was following Eugene's career with great pleasure and satisfaction in terms of business, but felt fear and distrust when it came to the social and emotional aspects. She had ultimately decided to take the risk of having a child with Eugene, wanting to give him something that would stabilize his life, make him realize his responsibilities, and offer him something joyful beyond just social activities and the appeal of youthful beauty. She never forgot the advice Mrs. Sanifore and her doctor had given her in Philadelphia, nor did she stop thinking about what the impact of a child would likely be. Eugene needed something like this to bring him balance. His position in life was too fragile, and his temperament too unpredictable. A child—a little girl, she hoped, since he always had a soft spot for little girls and treated them well—would calm him. If only she could have a little girl right now!
Some two months before her illness, while Eugene was becoming, all unsuspected by her, so frenzied about Suzanne, she had relaxed, or rather abandoned, her old-time precautions entirely, and had recently begun to suspect that her fears, or hopes, or both, were about to be realized. Owing to her subsequent illness and its effect on her heart, she was not very happy now. She was naturally very uncertain as to the outcome as well as to how Eugene would take it. He had never expressed a desire for a child, but she had no thought of telling him as yet, for she wanted to be absolutely sure. If she were not correct in her suspicions, and got well, he would attempt to dissuade her for the future. If she were, he could not help himself. Like all women in that condition, she was beginning to long for sympathy and consideration and to note more keenly the drift of Eugene's mind toward a world which did not very much concern her. His interest in Suzanne had puzzled her a little, though she was not greatly troubled about her because Mrs. Dale appeared to be so thoughtful about her daughter. Times were changing. Eugene had been going out much alone. A child would help. It was high time it came.
About two months before her illness, while Eugene was unknowingly becoming obsessed with Suzanne, she had completely let go of her previous precautions and started to feel that her fears, hopes, or maybe both, were about to come true. Because of her later illness and its impact on her heart, she wasn’t very happy now. She was understandably uncertain about the outcome and how Eugene would react. He had never shown any desire for a child, but she wasn’t ready to tell him yet because she wanted to be absolutely sure. If her suspicions were wrong and she recovered, he would try to convince her against it in the future. If they were right, he wouldn’t have a choice. Like all women in her situation, she was beginning to crave sympathy and consideration and to notice more sharply how Eugene’s thoughts were drifting toward a world that didn’t concern her much. His interest in Suzanne had confused her a bit, although she wasn’t overly worried because Mrs. Dale seemed to care deeply about her daughter. Times were changing. Eugene had been going out alone a lot. A child would help. It was definitely time for one to come.
When Suzanne had started coming with her mother, Angela thought nothing of it; but on the several occasions when Suzanne called during her illness, and Eugene had been present, she felt as though there might easily spring up something between them. Suzanne was so charming. Once as she lay thinking after Suzanne had left the room to go into the studio for a few moments, she heard Eugene jesting with her and laughing keenly. Suzanne's laugh, or gurgling giggle, was most infectious. It was so easy, too, for Eugene to make her laugh, for his type of jesting was to her the essence of fun. It seemed to her that there was something almost overgay in the way they carried on. On each occasion when she was present, Eugene proposed that he take Suzanne home in his car, and this set her thinking.
When Suzanne started coming with her mom, Angela didn’t think much of it; but on several occasions when Suzanne called during her illness and Eugene was there, she felt like something could easily develop between them. Suzanne was just so charming. Once, as she lay there thinking after Suzanne had left the room to go into the studio for a few moments, she heard Eugene joking with her and laughing heartily. Suzanne's laughter, or her bubbly giggle, was incredibly contagious. It was also so easy for Eugene to make her laugh, as his kind of joking was, to her, the definition of fun. It seemed to her that there was something almost overly cheerful in the way they interacted. Each time she was there, Eugene suggested he drive Suzanne home in his car, and that got her thinking.
There came a time when, Angela being well enough from her rheumatic attack, Eugene invited a famous singer, a tenor, who had a charming repertoire of songs, to come to his apartment and sing. He had met him at a social affair in Brooklyn with which Winfield had something to do. A number of people were invited—Mrs. Dale, Suzanne, and Kinroy, among others; but Mrs. Dale could not come, and as Suzanne had an appointment for the next morning, Sunday, in the city, she decided to stay at [Pg 561] the Witlas. This pleased Eugene immensely. He had bought a sketching book which he had begun to fill with sketches of Suzanne from memory and these he wanted to show her. Besides, he wanted her to hear this singer's beautiful voice.
There came a time when Angela was feeling better after her rheumatic attack, and Eugene invited a well-known tenor, who had a lovely selection of songs, to his apartment to sing. He had met the singer at a social event in Brooklyn that involved Winfield. Several people were invited—Mrs. Dale, Suzanne, and Kinroy, among others; but Mrs. Dale couldn't make it, and since Suzanne had an appointment in the city the next morning, Sunday, she decided to stay at [Pg 561] the Witlas. This made Eugene very happy. He had bought a sketchbook that he had started filling with sketches of Suzanne from memory, and he wanted to show them to her. Plus, he wanted her to experience the beautiful voice of this singer.
The company was interesting. Kinroy brought Suzanne early and left. Eugene and Suzanne, after she had exchanged greetings with Angela, sat out on the little stone balcony overlooking the river and exchanged loving thoughts. He was constantly holding her hand when no one was looking and stealing kisses. After a time the company began to arrive, and finally the singer himself. The trained nurse, with Eugene's assistance, helped Angela forward, who listened enraptured to the songs. Suzanne and Eugene, swept by the charm of some of them, looked at each other with that burning gaze which love alone understands. To Eugene Suzanne's face was a perfect flower of hypnotic influence. He could scarcely keep his eyes off her for a moment at a time. The singer ceased, the company departed. Angela was left crying over the beauty of "The Erlking," the last song rendered. She went back to her room, and Suzanne ostensibly departed for hers. She came out to say a few final words to Mrs. Witla, then came through the studio to go to her own room again. Eugene was there waiting. He caught her in his arms, kissing her silently. They pretended to strike up a conventional conversation, and he invited her to sit out on the stone balcony for a few last moments. The moon was so beautiful over the river.
The gathering was intriguing. Kinroy brought Suzanne early and then left. After exchanging pleasantries with Angela, Eugene and Suzanne sat on the small stone balcony overlooking the river, sharing affectionate thoughts. He continuously held her hand when no one was watching and stole kisses. After a while, the guests started to arrive, and eventually, the singer himself appeared. With Eugene's help, the nurse assisted Angela forward, who listened in rapt attention to the songs. Enchanted by some of them, Suzanne and Eugene looked at each other with that intense gaze that love alone understands. To Eugene, Suzanne's face was a stunning flower with a hypnotic effect. He could hardly take his eyes off her for even a moment. When the singer finished, the guests left. Angela was left in tears over the beauty of "The Erlking," the last song performed. She went back to her room, and Suzanne pretended to head to hers. She reappeared to say a few final words to Mrs. Witla, then passed through the studio to return to her room. Eugene was there waiting. He pulled her into his arms, kissing her silently. They feigned starting a casual conversation, and he invited her to sit on the stone balcony for a few last moments. The moon was stunning over the river.
"Don't!" she said, when he gathered her in his arms, in the shadow of the night outside. "She might come."
"Don't!" she said as he wrapped his arms around her in the darkness outside. "She might show up."
"No," he said eagerly.
"No," he said excitedly.
They listened, but there was no sound. He began an easy pretence to talk, the while stroking her pretty arm, which was bare. Insanity over her beauty, the loveliness of the night, the charm of the music, had put him beside himself. He drew her into his arms in spite of her protest, only to have Angela suddenly appear at the other end of the room where the door was. There was no concealing anything she saw. She came rapidly forward, even as Suzanne jumped up, a sickening rage in her heart, a sense of her personal condition strong in her mind, a sense of something terrible and climacteric in the very air, but she was still too ill to risk a great demonstration or to declare herself fully. It seemed now once more the whole world had fallen about her ears, for because of her plans and in spite of all her suspicions, she had not been ready to believe that Eugene would really trespass again. She had come to surprise him, [Pg 562] if possible, but she had not actually expected to, had hoped not to. Here was this beautiful girl, the victim of his wiles, and here was she involved by her own planning, while Eugene, shame-faced, she supposed, stood by ready to have this ridiculous liaison nipped in the bud. She did not propose to expose herself to Suzanne if she could help it, but sorrow for herself, shame for him, pity for Suzanne in a way, the desire to preserve the shell of appearances, which was now, after this, so utterly empty for her though so important for the child, caused her to swell with her old-time rage, and yet to hold it in check. Six years before she would have raged to his face, but time had softened her in this respect. She did not see the value of brutal words.
They listened, but there was no sound. He started to casually talk while stroking her bare arm. Overwhelmed by her beauty, the lovely night, and the enchanting music, he lost control. He pulled her into his arms despite her objections, just as Angela appeared at the other end of the room by the door. There was no hiding anything from her. She rushed forward as Suzanne jumped up, feeling a sickening rage in her heart, acutely aware of her own situation, sensing something terrible in the air. Yet, she was still too weak to make a big scene or fully express herself. It felt like the whole world had collapsed around her, because despite her plans and all her suspicions, she hadn’t truly believed Eugene would actually betray her again. She had come to surprise him, if possible, but she hadn’t really expected to—she had hoped not to. Here was this beautiful girl, caught in his charms, and here was she, wrapped up in her own schemes, while Eugene, she assumed, stood by, ready to end this ridiculous affair immediately. She didn’t want to expose herself to Suzanne if she could avoid it, but feelings of sorrow for herself, shame for him, and a sort of pity for Suzanne, along with the desire to maintain appearances—which now felt utterly empty for her but was so vital for the girl—made her swell with familiar rage yet she held it back. Six years earlier, she would have confronted him directly, but time had softened her in that way. She no longer saw value in harsh words.
"Suzanne," she said, standing erect in the filtered gloom of the room which was still irradiated by the light of the moon in the west, "how could you! I thought so much better of you."
"Suzanne," she said, standing tall in the dim light of the room still illuminated by the moon in the west, "how could you! I had such a better opinion of you."
Her face, thinned by her long illness and her brooding over her present condition, was still beautiful in a spiritual way. She wore a pale yellow and white flowered dressing gown of filmy, lacy texture, and her long hair, done in braids by the nurse, was hanging down her back like the Gretchen she was to him years before. Her hands were thin and pale, but artistic, and her face drawn in all the wearisome agony of a mater dolorosa.
Her face, made thinner by her long illness and her worries about her current situation, was still beautiful in a spiritual way. She wore a pale yellow and white flowered dressing gown made of delicate, lacy material, and her long hair, braided by the nurse, hung down her back like the Gretchen she had been to him years ago. Her hands were thin and pale, but elegant, and her face was etched with the exhausting agony of a suffering mother.
"Why, why," exclaimed Suzanne, terribly shaken out of her natural fine poise for the moment but not forgetful of the dominating thought in her mind, "I love him; that's why, Mrs. Witla."
"Why, why," exclaimed Suzanne, completely shaken out of her usual composure for a moment but still focused on the main thought in her mind, "I love him; that's why, Mrs. Witla."
"Oh, no, you don't! you only think you love him, as so many women have before you, Suzanne," said Angela frozenly, the thought of the coming child always with her. If she had only told him before! "Oh, shame, in my house, and you a young, supposedly innocent girl! What do you suppose your mother would think if I should call her up and tell her now? Or your brother? You knew he was a married man. I might excuse you if it weren't for that if you hadn't known me and hadn't accepted my hospitality. As for him, there is no need of my talking to him. This is an old story with him, Suzanne. He has done this with other women before you, and he will do it with other women after you. It is one of the things I have to bear for having married a man of so-called talent. Don't think, Suzanne, when you tell me you love him, that you tell me anything new. I have heard that story before from other women. You are not the first, and you will not be the last."
"Oh, no, you don't! You only think you love him, like so many women before you, Suzanne," Angela said coldly, the thought of the upcoming child always on her mind. If only she had told him earlier! "Oh, what a shame, in my house, and you a young, supposedly innocent girl! What do you think your mother would say if I called her up and told her now? Or your brother? You knew he was a married man. I might forgive you if it weren't for that, if you hadn't known me and hadn't accepted my hospitality. As for him, there's no point in talking to him. This is an old pattern for him, Suzanne. He’s done this with other women before you, and he will do it with others after you. It's one of the things I have to deal with for marrying a man with so-called talent. Don't think, Suzanne, that telling me you love him is anything new. I've heard that story from other women before. You are not the first, and you will not be the last."
Suzanne looked at Eugene inquiringly, vaguely, helplessly, wondering if all this were so.
Suzanne looked at Eugene with curiosity, uncertainty, and a sense of helplessness, questioning if all of this was true.
[Pg 563] Eugene hardened under Angela's cutting accusation, but he was not at all sure at first what he ought to do. He wondered for the moment whether he ought not to abandon Suzanne and fall back into his old state, dreary as it might seem to him; but the sight of her pretty face, the sound of Angela's cutting voice, determined him quickly. "Angela," he began, recovering his composure the while Suzanne contemplated him, "why do you talk that way? You know that what you say isn't true. There was one other woman. I will tell Suzanne about her. There were several before I married you. I will tell her about them. But my life is a shell, and you know it. This apartment is a shell. Absolutely it means nothing at all to me. There has been no love between us, certainly not on my part, for years, and you know that. You have practically confessed to me from time to time that you do not care for me. I haven't deceived this girl. I am glad to tell her now how things stand."
[Pg 563] Eugene felt defensive under Angela's harsh accusation, but he wasn't sure at first what he should do. He briefly thought about abandoning Suzanne and going back to his old life, no matter how dreary it seemed to him; but looking at her pretty face and hearing Angela's cutting voice made up his mind quickly. "Angela," he started, regaining his composure while Suzanne watched him, "why do you talk like that? You know what you're saying isn't true. There was one other woman. I will tell Suzanne about her. There were several before I married you. I'll tell her about them too. But my life is just a shell, and you know it. This apartment is a shell. It really means nothing to me. There hasn't been any love between us, especially on my side, for years, and you know that. You've practically admitted to me that you don't care for me. I haven't deceived this girl. I'm glad to tell her how things really are."
"How things stand! How things stand!" exclaimed Angela, blazing and forgetting herself for the moment. "Will you tell her what an excellent, faithful husband you have made me? Will you tell her how honestly you have kept your word pledged to me at the altar? Will you tell her how I have worked and sacrificed for you through all these years? How I have been repaid by just such things as this? I'm sorry for you, Suzanne, more than anything else," went on Angela, wondering whether she should tell Eugene here and now of her condition but fearing he would not believe it. It seemed so much like melodrama. "You are just a silly little girl duped by an expert man, who thinks he loves you for a little while, but who really doesn't. He will get over it. Tell me frankly what do you expect to get out of it all? You can't marry him. I won't give him a divorce. I can't, as he will know later, and he has no grounds for obtaining one. Do you expect to be his mistress? You have no hope of ever being anything else. Isn't that a nice ambition for a girl of your standing? And you are supposed to be virtuous! Oh, I am ashamed of you, if you are not! I am sorry for your mother. I am astonished to think that you would so belittle yourself."
"How things stand! How things stand!" Angela exclaimed, her anger flaring up as she lost her composure for a moment. "Will you tell her what an amazing and loyal husband you’ve made me? Will you tell her how honestly you’ve kept your wedding vows? Will you tell her how I’ve worked and sacrificed for you all these years? How have I been repaid with things like this? I feel sorry for you, Suzanne, more than anything else," Angela continued, debating whether to reveal her situation to Eugene right now but worrying he wouldn’t believe her. It seemed too much like a soap opera. "You’re just a naive girl fooled by a smooth-talking man who thinks he loves you temporarily but really doesn’t. He’ll move on. Honestly, what do you think you’ll gain from this? You can’t marry him. I won’t grant him a divorce. I can’t, as he’ll realize later, and he doesn’t have any grounds to get one. Do you plan to be his mistress? You really can’t expect to be anything else. Isn’t that a great goal for a girl like you? And you’re supposed to be virtuous! Oh, I’m ashamed of you if you’re not! I feel sorry for your mother. I’m shocked that you would demean yourself like this."
Suzanne had heard the "I can't," but she really did not know how to interpret it. It had never occurred to her that there could ever be a child here to complicate matters. Eugene told her that he was unhappy, that there was nothing between him and Angela and never could be.
Suzanne had heard the "I can't," but she really didn’t know how to take it. It had never crossed her mind that a child could be here to complicate things. Eugene told her he was unhappy, that there was nothing between him and Angela and there never could be.
"But I love him, Mrs. Witla," said Suzanne simply and rather dramatically. She was tense, erect, pale and decidedly beautiful. [Pg 564] It was a great problem to have so quickly laid upon her shoulders.
"But I love him, Mrs. Witla," Suzanne said softly but with a touch of drama. She was tense, upright, pale, and undeniably beautiful. [Pg 564] It was a huge burden to have placed on her so suddenly.
"Don't talk nonsense, Suzanne!" said Angela angrily and desperately. "Don't deceive yourself and stick to a silly pose. You are acting now. You're talking as you think you ought to talk, as you have seen people talk in plays. This is my husband. You are in my home. Come, get your things. I will call up your mother and tell her how things stand, and she will send her auto for you."
"Stop speaking nonsense, Suzanne!" Angela said, frustrated and upset. "Stop fooling yourself and pretending. You're just acting. You're talking the way you think you should, like you've seen people do in plays. This is my husband. You're in my house. Come on, grab your stuff. I’ll call your mom and let her know what's going on, and she’ll send her car to pick you up."
"Oh, no," said Suzanne, "you can't do that! I can't go back there, if you tell her. I must go out in the world and get something to do until I can straighten out my own affairs. I won't be able to go home any more. Oh, what shall I do?"
"Oh, no," said Suzanne, "you can’t do that! I can’t go back there if you tell her. I need to go out into the world and find something to do until I can sort out my own issues. I won’t be able to go home ever again. Oh, what am I going to do?"
"Be calm, Suzanne," said Eugene determinedly, taking her hand and looking at Angela defiantly. "She isn't going to call up your mother, and she isn't going to tell your mother. You are going to stay here, as you intended, and tomorrow you are going where you thought you were going."
"Stay calm, Suzanne," Eugene said firmly, taking her hand and looking defiantly at Angela. "She’s not going to call your mom, and she’s not going to tell your mom. You're going to stay here like you planned, and tomorrow you're going where you thought you were going."
"Oh, no, she isn't!" said Angela angrily, starting for the phone. "She is going home. I'm going to call her mother."
"Oh, no, she's not!" Angela said angrily, moving towards the phone. "She's going home. I'm calling her mom."
Suzanne stirred nervously. Eugene put his hand in hers to reassure her.
Suzanne fidgeted anxiously. Eugene took her hand to comfort her.
"Oh, no, you aren't," he said determinedly. "She isn't going home, and you are not going to touch that phone. If you do, a number of things are going to happen, and they are going to happen quick."
"Oh, no, you're not," he said firmly. "She isn't going home, and you're not going to touch that phone. If you do, a bunch of things are going to happen, and they're going to happen fast."
He moved between her and the telephone receiver, which hung in the hall outside the studio and toward which she was edging.
He stepped in between her and the telephone, which was hanging in the hallway outside the studio, getting closer to it as she inched forward.
Angela paused at the ominous note in his voice, the determined quality of his attitude. She was surprised and amazed at the almost rough manner in which he put her aside. He had taken Suzanne's hand, he, her husband, and was begging her to be calm.
Angela stopped at the unsettling tone in his voice, the strong vibe of his attitude. She was shocked and astonished by the almost harsh way he pushed her aside. He had taken Suzanne's hand—her husband—and was pleading with her to stay calm.
"Oh, Eugene," said Angela desperately, frightened and horrified, her anger half melted in her fears, "you don't know what you are doing! Suzanne doesn't. She won't want anything to do with you when she does. Young as she is, she will have too much womanhood."
"Oh, Eugene," Angela said desperately, scared and horrified, her anger fading in the face of her fears, "you have no idea what you're doing! Suzanne doesn't either. She won't want anything to do with you once she realizes. Even though she's young, she will have too much self-respect."
"What are you talking about?" asked Eugene desperately. He had no idea of what Angela was driving at, not the faintest suspicion. "What are you talking about?" he repeated grimly.
"What are you talking about?" asked Eugene desperately. He had no clue what Angela was getting at, not the slightest inkling. "What are you talking about?" he repeated grimly.
"Let me say just one word to you alone, not here before Suzanne, just one, and then perhaps you will be willing to let her go home tonight."
"Let me say just one thing to you, not in front of Suzanne, just one, and then maybe you’ll be willing to let her go home tonight."
[Pg 565] Angela was subtle in this, a little bit wicked. She was not using her advantage in exactly the right spirit.
[Pg 565] Angela was sneaky in this, a bit mischievous. She wasn't using her advantage in the right way.
"What is it?" demanded Eugene sourly, expecting some trick. He had so long gnawed at the chains which bound him that the thought of any additional lengths which might be forged irritated him greatly. "Why can't you tell it here? What difference can it make?"
"What is it?" Eugene asked sourly, expecting some sort of trick. He had been so focused on the chains that confined him that the idea of any extra lengths being added annoyed him a lot. "Why can't you just say it here? What difference does it make?"
"It ought to make all the difference in the world. Let me say it to you alone."
"It should make all the difference in the world. Let me tell you this in private."
Suzanne, who wondered what it could be, walked away. She was wondering what it was that Angela had to tell. The latter's manner was not exactly suggestive of the weighty secret she bore. When Suzanne was gone, Angela whispered to him.
Suzanne, curious about what it could be, walked away. She was thinking about what Angela had to share. Angela's behavior didn’t really hint at the heavy secret she was carrying. Once Suzanne left, Angela whispered to him.
"It's a lie!" said Eugene vigorously, desperately, hopelessly. "It's something you've trumped up for the occasion. It's just like you to say that, to do it! Pah! I don't believe it. It's a lie! It's a lie! You know it's a lie!"
"It's a lie!" Eugene shouted with energy, desperation, and hopelessness. "You made this up for the moment. It's just like you to say that, to do something like this! Ugh! I don't believe it. It's a lie! It's a lie! You know it's a lie!"
"It's the truth!" said Angela angrily, pathetically, outraged in her every nerve and thought by the reception which this fact had received, and desperate to think that the announcement of a coming child by him should be received in this manner under such circumstances that it should be forced from her as a last resort, only to be received with derision and scorn. "It's the truth, and you ought to be ashamed to say that to me. What can I expect from a man, though, who would introduce another woman into his own home as you have tonight?" To think that she should be reduced to such a situation as this so suddenly! It was impossible to argue it with him here. She was ashamed now that she had introduced it at this time. He would not believe her, anyhow now, she saw that. It only enraged him and her. He was too wild. This seemed to infuriate him—to condemn her in his mind as a trickster and a sharper, someone who was using unfair means to hold him. He almost jumped away from her in disgust, and she realized that she had struck an awful blow which apparently, to him, had some elements of unfairness in it.
"It’s the truth!" Angela shouted angrily, her whole being outraged by the way this fact had been received, and desperate to think that announcing a coming child should be met with such disdain, forced out of her as a last resort, only to be met with mockery and contempt. "It’s the truth, and you should be ashamed to say that to me. What can I expect from a man who would bring another woman into his own home like you did tonight?" To think that she had suddenly found herself in such a situation! It was impossible to argue with him right now. She felt embarrassed for bringing it up at this moment. He wouldn’t believe her anyway, she realized that now. It only made him and her more furious. He was too volatile. This seemed to infuriate him even more—condemning her in his mind as a deceiver, someone using underhanded tactics to keep him. He almost recoiled from her in disgust, and she recognized that she had dealt a terrible blow that seemed, to him, to have some unfairness to it.
"Won't you have the decency after this to send her away?" she pleaded aloud, angrily, eagerly, bitterly.
"Can’t you at least have the decency to send her away after this?" she pleaded, her voice filled with anger, eagerness, and bitterness.
Eugene was absolutely in a fury of feeling. If ever he thoroughly hated and despised Angela, he did so at that moment. To think that she should have done anything like this! To think that she should have complicated this problem of weariness of her with a thing like this! How cheap it was, how shabby! It showed the measure of the woman, to bring a child [Pg 566] into the world, regardless of the interests of the child, in order to hold him against his will. Damn! Hell! God damn such a complicated, rotten world! No, she was lying. She could not hold him that way. It was a horrible, low, vile trick. He would have nothing to do with her. He would show her. He would leave her. He would show her that this sort of thing would not work with him. It was like every other petty thing she had ever done. Never, never, never, would he let this stand in the way. Oh, what a mean, cruel, wretched thing to do!
Eugene was completely overwhelmed with anger. If there was ever a moment when he truly hated and despised Angela, it was now. How could she do something like this? How could she complicate her tiredness with a situation like this? It was so pathetic, so disgraceful! It revealed her true character to bring a child into the world, disregarding the child's interests, just to manipulate him. Damn it! Hell! Damn this complicated, messed-up world! No, she was lying. She couldn’t hold him like that. It was a terrible, sleazy trick. He wanted nothing to do with her. He would show her. He would leave her. He would prove that this kind of manipulation wouldn’t work on him. It was just like all the other petty things she had ever done. Never, ever would he let this stop him. Oh, what a cruel, miserable thing to do!
Suzanne came back while they were arguing. She half suspected what it was all about, but she did not dare to act or think clearly. The events of this night were too numerous, too complicated. Eugene had said so forcibly it was a lie whatever it was, that she half believed him. That was a sign surely of the little affection that existed between him and Angela. Angela was not crying. Her face was hard, white, drawn.
Suzanne returned while they were arguing. She partially suspected what it was about, but she didn’t dare to act or think clearly. The events of this night were too many and too complicated. Eugene had insisted so strongly that it was a lie, whatever it was, that she almost believed him. That was surely a sign of the little affection that existed between him and Angela. Angela wasn’t crying. Her face was hard, pale, and tense.
"I can't stay here," said Suzanne dramatically to Eugene. "I will go somewhere. I had better go to a hotel for the night. Will you call a car?"
"I can't stay here," Suzanne said dramatically to Eugene. "I need to go somewhere. I should probably get a hotel for the night. Can you call a car?"
"Listen to me, Suzanne," said Eugene vigorously and determinedly. "You love me, don't you?"
"Listen to me, Suzanne," Eugene said firmly and with determination. "You love me, right?"
"You know I do," she replied.
"You know I do," she said.
Angela stirred sneeringly.
Angela scoffed.
"Then you will stay here. I want you to pay no attention to anything she may say or declare. She has told me a lie tonight. I know why. Don't let her deceive you. Go to your room and your bed. I want to talk to you tomorrow. There is no need of your leaving tonight. There is plenty of room here. It's silly. You're here now—stay."
"Then you will stay here. I don't want you to pay any attention to anything she might say or claim. She lied to me tonight. I know why. Don't let her fool you. Go to your room and get in bed. I want to talk to you tomorrow. There's no need for you to leave tonight. There's plenty of space here. It's ridiculous. You're here now—just stay."
"But I don't think I'd better stay," said Suzanne nervously.
"But I don't think I should stay," Suzanne said nervously.
Eugene took her hand reassuringly.
Eugene held her hand reassuringly.
"Listen to me," he began.
"Listen to me," he said.
"But she won't stay," said Angela.
"But she won't stay," Angela said.
"But she will," said Eugene; "and if she don't stay, she goes with me. I will take her home."
"But she will," said Eugene; "and if she doesn't stay, she's coming with me. I'll take her home."
"Oh, no, you won't!" replied Angela.
"Oh, no, you won't!" Angela replied.
"Listen," said Eugene angrily. "This isn't six years ago, but now. I'm master of this situation, and she stays here. She stays here, or she goes with me and you look to the future as best you may. I love her. I'm not going to give her up, and if you want to make trouble, begin now. The house comes down on your head, not mine."
"Listen," Eugene said angrily. "This isn't six years ago; this is now. I'm in charge here, and she's staying. She either stays here or comes with me, and you can deal with the future however you want. I love her. I'm not letting her go, and if you want to cause problems, go ahead. The consequences will fall on you, not me."
"Oh!" said Angela, half terrified, "what do I hear?"
"Oh!" said Angela, half terrified, "what am I hearing?"
"Just that. Now you go to your room. Suzanne will go to [Pg 567] hers. I will go to mine. We will not have any more fighting here tonight. The jig is up. The die is cast. I'm through. Suzanne comes to me, if she will."
"That’s all. Now you go to your room. Suzanne will go to [Pg 567] hers. I will go to mine. We won’t be fighting anymore tonight. It’s over. I've made my decision. I'm done. Suzanne can come to me if she wants."
Angela walked to her room through the studio, stricken by the turn things had taken, horrified by the thoughts in her mind, unable to convince Eugene, unable to depose Suzanne, her throat dry and hot, her hands shaking, her heart beating fitfully; she felt as if her brain would burst, her heart break actually, not emotionally. She thought Eugene had gone crazy, and yet now, for the first time in her married life, she realized what a terrible mistake she had made in always trying to drive him. It hadn't worked tonight, her rage, her domineering, critical attitude. It had failed her completely, and also this scheme, this beautiful plan, this trump card on which she had placed so much reliance for a happy life, this child which she had hoped to play so effectively. He didn't believe her. He wouldn't even admit its possibility. He didn't admire her for it. He despised her! He looked on it as a trick. Oh, what an unfortunate thing it had been to mention it! And yet Suzanne must understand, she must know, she would never countenance anything like this. But what would he do? He was positively livid with rage. What fine auspices these were under which to usher a child into the world! She stared feverishly before her, and finally began to cry hopelessly.
Angela walked to her room through the studio, overwhelmed by how things had turned out, horrified by her thoughts, unable to convince Eugene or get rid of Suzanne. Her throat was dry and hot, her hands were shaking, her heart was racing; it felt like her brain would explode, and her heart might actually break, not just emotionally. She thought Eugene had lost his mind, and yet, for the first time in her married life, she realized what a huge mistake it had been to always try to control him. Her anger and dominating, critical attitude hadn’t worked tonight. It had completely failed her, along with this scheme, this beautiful plan, this ace up her sleeve that she had relied on for a happy life, this child she had hoped to use so effectively. He didn't believe her. He wouldn't even acknowledge it could be possible. He didn't admire her for it; he despised her! He saw it as a trick. Oh, what a terrible mistake it had been to bring it up! And yet Suzanne must understand, she had to know, she would never accept anything like this. But what would he do? He was absolutely furious. What a lovely start this was for bringing a child into the world! She stared anxiously ahead and finally began to cry in despair.
Eugene stood in the hall beside Suzanne after she had gone. His face was drawn, his eyes hunted, his hair tousled. He looked grim and determined in his way, stronger than he had ever looked before.
Eugene stood in the hall next to Suzanne after she had left. His face was tight, his eyes anxious, and his hair messy. He looked serious and resolute in his own way, stronger than he had ever appeared before.
"Suzanne," he said, taking the latter by her two arms and staring into her eyes, "she has told me a lie, a lie, a cold, mean, cruel lie. She'll tell it you shortly. She says she is with child by me. It isn't so. She couldn't have one. If she did, it would kill her. She would have had one long ago if she could have. I know her. She thinks this will frighten me. She thinks it will drive you away. Will it? It's a lie, do you hear me, whatever she says. It's a lie, and she knows it. Ough!" He dropped her left arm and pulled at his neck. "I can't stand this. You won't leave me. You won't believe her, will you?"
"Suzanne," he said, grabbing her arms and looking deep into her eyes, "she has lied to me, a cold, harsh, cruel lie. She’ll tell you soon. She claims she’s pregnant with my child. That’s not true. She can't have one. If she did, it would kill her. She would have had one a long time ago if she could. I know her. She thinks this will scare me. She thinks it will make you leave. Will it? It's a lie, do you hear me? Whatever she says, it’s a lie, and she knows it. Ugh!" He released her left arm and tugged at his neck. "I can't take this. You won’t leave me. You won’t believe her, will you?"
Suzanne stared into his distraught face, his handsome, desperate, significant eyes. She saw the woe there, the agony, and was sympathetic. He seemed wonderfully worthy of love, unhappy, unfortunately pursued; and yet she was frightened. Still she had promised to love him.
Suzanne looked into his troubled face, his attractive, desperate, meaningful eyes. She noticed the sorrow there, the pain, and felt sympathy. He seemed truly deserving of love, unhappy, and unfortunately sought after; yet she felt scared. Still, she had promised to love him.
[Pg 568] "No," she said fixedly, her eyes speaking a dramatic confidence.
[Pg 568] "No," she said firmly, her eyes radiating a confident intensity.
"You won't leave here tonight?"
"You're not leaving tonight?"
"No."
"No."
She smoothed his cheek with her hand.
She stroked his cheek with her hand.
"You will come and walk with me in the morning? I have to talk with you."
"You'll come and walk with me in the morning? I need to talk to you."
"Yes."
"Yep."
"Don't be afraid. Just lock your door if you are. She won't bother you. She won't do anything. She is afraid of me. She may want to talk with you, but I am close by. Do you still love me?"
"Don't worry. Just lock your door if you feel scared. She won't bother you. She won't do anything. She’s afraid of me. She might want to talk to you, but I'm right here. Do you still love me?"
"Yes."
"Yep."
"Will you come to me if I can arrange it?"
"Will you come to me if I can make it happen?"
"Yes."
Yes.
"Even in the face of what she says?"
"Even with what she claims?"
"Yes; I don't believe her. I believe you. What difference could it make, anyhow? You don't love her."
"Yeah; I don't trust her. I trust you. What difference does it make, anyway? You don’t love her."
"No," he said; "no, no, no! I never have." He drew her into his arms wearily, relievedly. "Oh, Flower Face," he said, "don't give me up! Don't grieve. Try not to, anyhow. I have been bad, as she says, but I love you. I love you, and I will stake all on that. If all this must fall about our heads, then let it fall. I love you."
"No," he said, "no, no, no! I never have." He pulled her into his arms, feeling tired yet relieved. "Oh, Flower Face," he said, "don't give up on me! Don’t be sad. Try not to, at least. I've messed up, like she says, but I love you. I love you, and I'm putting everything on the line for that. If everything has to come crashing down around us, then let it. I love you."
Suzanne stroked his cheek with her hands nervously. She was deathly pale, frightened, but somehow courageous through it all. She caught strength from his love.
Suzanne nervously stroked his cheek with her hands. She was extremely pale, scared, but somehow brave despite everything. She drew strength from his love.
"I love you," she said.
"I love you," she said.
"Yes," he replied. "You won't give me up?"
"Yeah," he said. "You won't let me go?"
"No, I won't," she said, not really understanding the depth of her own mood. "I will be true."
"No, I won't," she said, not really grasping the depth of her own feelings. "I will be loyal."
"Things will be better tomorrow," he said, somewhat more quietly. "We will be calmer. We will walk and talk. You won't leave without me?"
"Things will be better tomorrow," he said, a bit more quietly. "We'll be calmer. We'll walk and talk. You're not leaving without me, right?"
"No."
"Nope."
"Please don't; for I love you, and we must talk and plan."
"Please don’t; I love you, and we need to talk and make plans."
CHAPTER X
The introduction of this astonishing fact in connection with Angela was so unexpected, so morally diverting and peculiar that though Eugene denied it, half believed she was lying, he was harassed by the thought that she might be telling the truth. It was so unfair, though, was all he could think, so unkind! It never occurred to him that it was accidental, as indeed it was not, but only that it was a trick, sharp, cunning, ill-timed for him, just the thing calculated to blast his career and tie him down to the old régime when he wanted most to be free. A new life was dawning for him now. For the first time in his life he was to have a woman after his own heart, so young, so beautiful, so intellectual, so artistic! With Suzanne by his side, he was about to plumb the depths of all the joys of living. Without her, life was to be dark and dreary, and here was Angela coming forward at the critical moment disrupting this dream as best she could by the introduction of a child that she did not want, and all to hold him against his will. If ever he hated her for trickery and sharp dealing, he did so now. What would the effect on Suzanne be? How would he convince her that it was a trick? She must understand; she would. She would not let this miserable piece of chicanery stand between him and her. He turned in his bed wearily after he had gone to it, but he could not sleep. He had to say something, do something. So he arose, slipped on a dressing gown, and went to Angela's room.
The introduction of this surprising fact about Angela was so unexpected, so morally confusing and strange, that even though Eugene denied it and half believed she was lying, he couldn’t shake the nagging thought that she might actually be telling the truth. All he could think was how unfair and unkind it was! It never crossed his mind that it was a coincidence, as it indeed wasn’t, but rather that it was a trick—sharp, clever, and poorly timed for him—just the thing designed to ruin his career and keep him tied to the old ways when he wanted nothing more than freedom. A new life was starting for him now. For the first time, he was going to have a woman who truly matched him—so young, so beautiful, so intelligent, so artistic! With Suzanne by his side, he was ready to explore all the joys of life. Without her, life would be dark and dull, and here was Angela stepping in at just the wrong moment, disrupting this dream as much as she could by bringing up a child she didn’t want, all to hold him against his will. If he ever hated her for her deceit and manipulation, it was now. What would this mean for Suzanne? How could he convince her it was just a trick? She had to understand; she would. She wouldn’t let this miserable act of deception come between them. He turned wearily in bed after lying down, but sleep wouldn’t come. He needed to say something, do something. So he got up, put on a dressing gown, and went to Angela’s room.
That distraught soul, for all her determination and fighting capacity, was enduring for the second time in her life the fires of hell. To think that in spite of all her work, her dreams, this recent effort to bring about peace and happiness, perhaps at the expense of her own life, she was compelled to witness a scene like this. Eugene was trying to get free. He was obviously determined to do so. This scandalous relationship, when had it begun? Would her effort to hold him fail? It looked that way, and yet surely Suzanne, when she knew, when she understood, would leave him. Any woman would.
That distraught soul, despite her determination and strength, was going through the hell of her life for the second time. To think that after all her hard work, her dreams, and this recent attempt to create peace and happiness—maybe even at the cost of her own life—she had to witness something like this. Eugene was trying to break free. He was clearly set on doing so. When had this scandalous relationship started? Would her efforts to hold onto him fail? It seemed that way, and yet surely Suzanne, when she found out and understood, would leave him. Any woman would.
Her head ached, her hands were hot, she fancied she might be suffering a terrible nightmare, she was so sick and weak; but, no, this was her room. A little while ago she was sitting in her husband's studio, surrounded by friends, the object of much solicitude, Eugene apparently considerate and thoughtful of her, a [Pg 570] beautiful programme being rendered for their special benefit. Now she was lying here in her room, a despised wife, an outcast from affection and happiness, the victim of some horrible sorcery of fate whereby another woman stood in her place in Eugene's affection. To see Suzanne, proud in her young beauty, confronting her with bold eyes, holding her husband's hand, saying in what seemed to her to be brutal, or insane, or silly melodramatic make-believe, "But I love him, Mrs. Witla," was maddening. Oh, God! Oh, God! Would her tortures never cease? Must all her beautiful dreams come to nothing? Would Eugene leave her, as he so violently said a little while ago? She had never seen him like this. It was terrible to see him so determined, so cold and brutal. His voice had actually been harsh and guttural, something she had never known before in him.
Her head hurt, her hands felt hot, and she thought she might be trapped in a terrible nightmare; she felt so sick and weak. But no, this was her room. Just a little while ago, she had been sitting in her husband’s studio, surrounded by friends, the center of their concern, with Eugene appearing thoughtful and kind towards her, a [Pg 570] beautiful program being played for their enjoyment. Now she lay here in her room, a rejected wife, an outcast from love and happiness, the victim of some awful twist of fate that had another woman taking her place in Eugene's heart. Seeing Suzanne, proud in her youth and beauty, looking at her boldly, holding her husband's hand, saying what seemed to her to be cruel, insane, or silly dramatic nonsense, "But I love him, Mrs. Witla," was infuriating. Oh God! Oh God! Would her suffering never end? Would all her beautiful dreams be shattered? Would Eugene really leave her, as he had so forcefully said a little while ago? She had never seen him like this. It was awful to see him so resolute, so cold and brutal. His voice had actually been rough and guttural, something she had never heard from him before.
She trembled as she thought, and then great flashes of rage swept her only to be replaced by rushes of fear. She was in such a terrific position. The woman was with him, young, defiant, beautiful. She had heard him call to her, had heard them talking. Once she thought that now would be the time to murder him, Suzanne, herself, the coming life and end it all; but at this critical moment, having been sick and having grown so much older, with this problem of the coming life before her, she had no chart to go by. She tried to console herself with the thought that he must abandon his course, that he would when the true force of what she had revealed had had time to sink home; but it had not had time yet. Would it before he did anything rash? Would it before he had completely compromised himself and Suzanne? Judging from her talk and his, he had not as yet, or she thought not. What was he going to do? What was he going to do?
She shook with anxiety as she thought, and then waves of anger rushed over her, only to be replaced by waves of fear. She was in such a terrible situation. The woman was with him, young, bold, and beautiful. She had heard him call to her, had heard them talking. For a moment, she thought that now would be the time to end it all—murder him, Suzanne, herself, and just finish everything; but at this crucial moment, feeling sick and having aged so much, with the issue of the future looming over her, she had no direction to follow. She tried to comfort herself with the idea that he must change his mind, that he would when the full impact of what she had revealed finally sank in; but it hadn’t yet. Would it happen before he did something reckless? Would it happen before he had completely compromised himself and Suzanne? Based on her conversation and his, he hadn’t yet, or at least she didn’t think so. What was he going to do? What was he going to do?
Angela feared as she lay there that in spite of her revelation he might really leave her immediately. There might readily spring a terrible public scandal out of all this. The mockery of their lives laid bare; the fate of the child jeopardized; Eugene, Suzanne, and herself disgraced, though she had little thought for Suzanne. Suzanne might get him, after all. She might accidentally be just hard and cold enough. The world might possibly forgive him. She herself might die! What an end, after all her dreams of something bigger, better, surer! Oh, the pity, the agony of this! The terror and horror of a wrecked life!
Angela lay there, fearing that despite her confession, he might actually leave her right away. There could easily be a terrible public scandal from all this. The mockery of their exposed lives; the future of the child at risk; Eugene, Suzanne, and herself disgraced, though she hardly cared about Suzanne. Suzanne could end up with him after all. She might accidentally be just tough and cold enough. The world might actually forgive him. She might die! What an end, after all her dreams of something bigger, better, more certain! Oh, the sadness, the pain of this! The fear and horror of a shattered life!
And then Eugene came into the room.
And then Eugene walked into the room.
He was haggard, stormy-eyed, thoughtful, melancholy, as he entered. He stood in the doorway first, intent, then clicked a little night-lamp button which threw on a very small incandescent [Pg 571] light near the head of Angela's bed, and then sat down in a rocking-chair which the nurse had placed near the medicine table. Angela had so much improved that no night nurse was needed—only a twelve-hour one.
He looked worn out, his eyes stormy, deep in thought and a bit sad as he walked in. He paused in the doorway, focused, then pressed a small night-lamp button that turned on a dim light by Angela's bed before sitting down in a rocking chair the nurse had set up near the medicine table. Angela had improved so much that they only needed a nurse for twelve hours, not a night shift.
"Well," he said solemnly but coldly, when he saw her pale, distraught, much of her old, youthful beauty still with her, "you think you have scored a splendid trick, don't you? You think you have sprung a trap? I simply came in here to tell you that you haven't—that you have only seen the beginning of the end. You say you are going to have a child. I don't believe it. It's a lie, and you know it's a lie. You saw that there was an end coming to all this state of weariness some time, and this is your answer. Well, you've played one trick too many, and you've played it in vain. You lose. I win this time. I'm going to be free now, I want to say to you, and I am going to be free if I have to turn everything upside down. I don't care if there were seventeen prospective children instead of one. It's a lie, in the first place; but if it isn't, it's a trick, and I'm not going to be tricked any longer. I've had all I want of domination and trickery and cheap ideas. I'm through now, do you hear me? I'm through."
"Well," he said seriously but with a chill, when he noticed her pale, distressed face, much of her old youthful beauty still intact, "you think you've pulled off a great trick, don’t you? You believe you’ve set a trap? I just came in here to tell you that you haven’t—that you’ve only seen the beginning of the end. You say you're going to have a child. I don't believe it. It's a lie, and you know it’s a lie. You realized that this weariness was coming to an end sometime soon, and this is your response. Well, you've played one trick too many, and it’s all been in vain. You lose. I win this time. I want to tell you that I'm going to be free now, and I will be free even if I have to turn everything upside down. I don’t care if there were seventeen potential children instead of one. It’s a lie, to begin with; but if it’s not, it’s just a trick, and I’m not falling for it anymore. I’ve had enough of domination and trickery and cheap ideas. I'm done now, do you hear me? I'm done."
He felt his forehead with a nervous hand. His head ached, he was half sick. This was such a dreary pit to find himself in, this pit of matrimony, chained by a domineering wife and a trickily manœuvred child. His child! What a mockery at this stage of his life! How he hated the thought of that sort of thing, how cheap it all seemed!
He touched his forehead with a nervous hand. His head throbbed, and he felt a bit nauseous. It was such a gloomy situation to be in, this trap of marriage, tied down by a controlling wife and a clever child. His child! What a joke at this point in his life! How he loathed the idea of that kind of life, how cheap it all felt!
Angela, who was wide-eyed, flushed, exhausted, lying staring on her pillow, asked in a weary, indifferent voice: "What do you want me to do, Eugene, leave you?"
Angela, wide-eyed, flushed, exhausted, lying on her pillow and staring, asked in a tired, indifferent voice: "What do you want me to do, Eugene, leave you?"
"I'll tell you, Angela," he said sepulchrally, "I don't know what I want you to do just at this moment. The old life is all over. It's as dead as dead can be. For eleven or twelve years now I have lived with you, knowing all the while that I was living a lie. I have never really loved you since we were married. You know that. I may have loved you in the beginning, yes, I did, and at Blackwood, but that was a long, long while ago. I never should have married you. It was a mistake, but I did, and I've paid for it, inch by inch. You have, too. You have insisted all along that I ought to love you. You have browbeaten and abused me for something I could no more do than I could fly. Now, at this last minute, you introduce a child to hold me. I know why you have done it. You imagine that in some way you have been appointed by God to be my mentor and [Pg 572] guardian. Well, I tell you now that you haven't. It's all over. If there were fifty children, it's all over. Suzanne isn't going to believe any such cheap story as that, and if she did she wouldn't leave me. She knows why you do it. All the days of weariness are over for me, all the days of being afraid. I'm not an ordinary man, and I'm not going to live an ordinary life. You have always insisted on holding me down to the little, cheap conventions as you have understood them. Out in Wisconsin, out in Blackwood. Nothing doing. It's all over from now on. Everything's over. This house, my job, my real estate deal—everything. I don't care what your condition is. I love this girl in there, and I'm going to have her. Do you hear me? I love her, and I'm going to have her. She's mine. She suits me. I love her, and no power under God is going to stay me. Now you think this child proposition you have fixed up is going to stay me, but you are going to find out that it can't, that it won't. It's a trick, and I know it, and you know it. It's too late. It might have last year, or two years ago, or three, but it won't work now. You have played your last card. That girl in there belongs to me, and I'm going to have her."
"I'll tell you, Angela," he said solemnly, "I don't know what I want you to do right now. The old life is completely over. It's as dead as it gets. For eleven or twelve years, I’ve lived with you, always knowing I was living a lie. I haven't truly loved you since we got married. You know that. I might have loved you at first, sure, I did, and back at Blackwood, but that was a long time ago. I never should have married you. It was a mistake, but I did, and I've paid for it, inch by inch. You've paid, too. You’ve always insisted that I should love you. You’ve pressured and mistreated me for something I couldn't do any more than I could fly. Now, at the last minute, you bring a child into the picture to try to keep me here. I know why you’ve done it. You think you’ve been chosen by God to be my guide and protector. Well, I'm telling you now, you haven’t. It’s all over. Even if there were fifty kids, it’s all over. Suzanne isn’t going to buy any of this cheap story, and even if she did, she wouldn’t leave me. She knows why you’re doing this. All the days of exhaustion are behind me, all the days of fear. I'm not an ordinary man, and I’m not living an ordinary life. You’ve always tried to keep me tied to the small, cheap conventions as you see them. Out in Wisconsin, out in Blackwood. No more of that. It’s all over from this point on. Everything’s finished. This house, my job, my real estate deal—everything. I don’t care what your condition is. I love that girl in there, and I’m going to be with her. Do you hear me? I love her, and I’m going to be with her. She’s mine. She’s perfect for me. I love her, and no force under God is going to stop me. Now you think this child situation you’ve created will keep me here, but you’re going to find out that it won’t, that it can’t. It’s a trick, and I know it, and you know it. It’s too late. It might have worked last year, or two years ago, or three, but it won’t work now. You’ve played your last card. That girl in there belongs to me, and I’m going to have her."
Again he smoothed his face in a weary way, pausing to sway the least bit in his chair. His teeth were set, his eyes hard. Consciously he realized that it was a terrible situation that confronted him, hard to wrestle with.
Again he rubbed his face wearily, pausing to slightly sway in his chair. His teeth were clenched, and his eyes were hardened. He was fully aware that he was facing a terrible situation, one that was difficult to tackle.
Angela gazed at him with the eyes of one who is not quite sure that she even sees aright. She knew that Eugene had developed. He had become stronger, more urgent, more defiant, during all these years in which he had been going upward. He was no more like the Eugene who had clung to her for companionship in the dark days at Biloxi and elsewhere than a child is like a grown man. He was harder, easier in his manner, more indifferent, and yet, until now, there had never been a want of traces of the old Eugene. What had become of them so suddenly? Why was he so raging, so bitter? This girl, this foolish, silly, selfish girl, with her Circe gift of beauty, by tolerance of his suit, by yielding, perhaps by throwing herself at Eugene's head, had done this thing. She had drawn him away from her in spite of the fact that they had appeared to be happily mated. Suzanne did not know that they were not. In this mood he might actually leave her, even as she was, with child. It depended on the girl. Unless she could influence her, unless she could bring pressure to bear in some way, Eugene might readily be lost to her, and then what a tragedy! She could not afford to have him [Pg 573] go now. Why, in six months——! She shivered at the thought of all the misery a separation would entail. His position, their child, society, this apartment. Dear God, it would drive her crazy if he were to desert her now!
Angela looked at him like someone who isn’t quite sure if she’s seeing things clearly. She knew Eugene had changed. He had become stronger, more intense, and more rebellious over the years he’d been moving up in the world. He was nothing like the Eugene who had relied on her for support during the tough times in Biloxi and elsewhere, more like the difference between a child and an adult. He was tougher, more relaxed in his demeanor, and more indifferent, yet until now, there were still signs of the old Eugene. What had happened to those remnants so suddenly? Why was he so furious, so resentful? This girl, this silly, selfish girl, with her enchanting beauty, by tolerating his advances and possibly by throwing herself at Eugene, had caused this rift. She had distanced him from her despite them seeming happily together. Suzanne didn’t realize that they weren’t. In this state, he might actually leave her, even though she was pregnant. It depended on the girl. Unless she could influence her, unless she could apply some pressure, Eugene could easily slip away, and what a disaster that would be! She couldn’t afford to lose him now. Why, in six months—! The thought of all the pain a separation would bring made her shiver. His job, their child, society, this apartment. Dear God, if he deserted her now, it would drive her insane!
"Oh, Eugene," she said quite sadly and without any wrath in her voice at this moment, for she was too torn, terrified and disheveled in spirit to feel anything save a haunting sense of fear, "you don't know what a terrible mistake you are making. I did do this thing on purpose, Eugene. It is true. Long ago in Philadelphia with Mrs. Sanifore I went to a physician to see if it were possible that I might have a child. You know that I always thought that I couldn't. Well, he told me that I could. I went because I thought that you needed something like that, Eugene, to balance you. I knew you didn't want one. I thought you would be angry when I told you. I didn't act on it for a long while. I didn't want one myself. I hoped that it might be a little girl if ever there was one, because I know that you like little girls. It seems silly now in the face of what has happened tonight. I see what a mistake I have made. I see what the mistake is, but I didn't mean it evilly, Eugene. I didn't. I wanted to hold you, to bind you to me in some way, to help you. Do you utterly blame me, Eugene? I'm your wife, you know."
"Oh, Eugene," she said, feeling really sad and without any anger in her voice at that moment, because she was too confused, scared, and emotionally messy to feel anything but this lingering fear, "you don’t realize what a terrible mistake you’re making. I did this on purpose, Eugene. It’s true. A long time ago in Philadelphia, with Mrs. Sanifore, I went to a doctor to find out if I could have a child. You know I've always thought I couldn't. Well, he told me I could. I went because I thought you needed something like that, Eugene, to bring balance to your life. I knew you didn’t want one. I thought you’d be angry when I told you. I didn’t act on it for a long time. I didn’t want one myself. I hoped it might be a little girl if it ever happened, because I know you like little girls. It seems silly now, given what happened tonight. I see what a mistake I've made. I understand what the mistake is, but I didn’t mean any harm, Eugene. I didn’t. I wanted to hold you, to connect you to me in some way, to support you. Do you completely blame me, Eugene? I'm your wife, you know."
He stirred irritably, and she paused, scarcely knowing how to go on. She could see how terribly irritated he was, how sick at heart, and yet she resented this attitude on his part. It was so hard to endure when all along she had fancied that she had so many just claims on him, moral, social, other claims, which he dare not ignore. Here she was now, sick, weary, pleading with him for something that ought justly be hers—and this coming child's!
He stirred irritably, and she paused, barely knowing how to continue. She could see how incredibly frustrated he was, how upset he felt, and yet she was annoyed by his attitude. It was so hard to handle when she had always thought she had so many legitimate claims on him—moral, social, and other claims that he couldn’t just brush aside. Here she was, sick, tired, asking him for something that should rightfully be hers—and this coming child’s!
"Oh, Eugene," she said quite sadly, and still without any wrath in her voice, "please think before you make a mistake. You don't really love this girl, you only think you do. You think she is beautiful and good and sweet and you are going to tear everything up and leave me, but you don't love her, and you are going to find it out. You don't love anyone, Eugene. You can't. You are too selfish. If you had any real love in you, some of it would have come out to me, for I have tried to be all that a good wife should be, but it has been all in vain. I've known you haven't liked me all these years. I've seen it in your eyes, Eugene. You have never come very close to me as a lover should unless you had to or you couldn't avoid me. You have been cold and indifferent, and now that I look back I see that it has made me so. I have been cold and hard. I've tried to steel myself to match what I thought was your steeliness, and [Pg 574] now I see what it has done for me. I'm sorry. But as for her, you don't love her and you won't. She's too young. She hasn't any ideas that agree with yours. You think she's soft and gentle, and yet big and wise, but do you think if she had been that she could have stood up there as she did tonight and looked me in the eyes—me, your wife—and told me that she loved you—you, my husband? Do you think if she had any shame she would be in there now knowing what she does, for I suppose you have told her? What kind of a girl is that, anyway? You call her good? Good! Would a good girl do anything like that?"
"Oh, Eugene," she said sadly, still without any anger in her voice, "please think before you make a mistake. You don't really love this girl; you just think you do. You think she's beautiful, good, and sweet, and you're going to ruin everything and leave me, but you don't love her, and you'll realize that. You don't love anyone, Eugene. You can't. You're too selfish. If you had any real love in you, some of it would have shown itself to me, because I've tried to be the best wife I can be, but it’s all been in vain. I've known you haven't liked me all these years. I've seen it in your eyes, Eugene. You have never gotten close to me like a lover should, unless you had to or couldn't avoid me. You've been cold and indifferent, and now that I look back, I see that it has made me this way too. I have become cold and hard. I’ve tried to harden myself to match what I thought was your indifference, and [Pg 574] now I see what that has done to me. I'm sorry. But about her—you don't love her and you won't. She's too young. She doesn't share any of your ideas. You think she's soft and gentle, yet big and wise, but do you really believe if she were, she could have stood up there like she did tonight and looked me in the eyes—me, your wife—and told me that she loved you—you, my husband? Do you think if she had any shame she would be in there now knowing what she does, assuming you've told her? What kind of girl is that, anyway? You call her good? Good! Would a good girl do anything like that?"
"What is the use of arguing by appearances?" asked Eugene, who had interrupted her with exclamations of opposition and bitter comments all through the previous address. "The situation is one which makes anything look bad. She didn't intend to be put in a position where she would have to tell you that she loved me. She didn't come here to let me make love to her in this apartment. I made love to her. She's in love with me, and I made her love me. I didn't know of this other thing. If I had, it wouldn't have made any difference. However, let that be as it will. So it is. I'm in love with her, and that's all there is to it."
"What’s the point of arguing based on appearances?" asked Eugene, who had been interrupting her with objections and harsh remarks throughout her earlier speech. "The situation is one that makes everything look negative. She didn’t mean to end up in a position where she had to tell you that she loved me. She didn’t come here to let me romance her in this apartment. I romanced her. She’s in love with me, and I made her love me. I didn’t know about this other situation. If I had, it wouldn’t have changed anything. But it is what it is. I’m in love with her, and that’s all there is to it."
Angela stared at the wall. She was half propped up on a pillow, and had no courage now to speak of and no fighting strength.
Angela stared at the wall. She was half propped up on a pillow and felt like she had no courage left to say anything or fight back.
"I know what it is with you, Eugene," she said, after a time; "it's the yoke that galls. It isn't me only; it's anyone. It's marriage. You don't want to be married. It would be the same with any woman who might ever have loved and married you, or with any number of children. You would want to get rid of her and them. It's the yoke that galls you, Eugene. You want your freedom, and you won't be satisfied until you have it. A child wouldn't make any difference. I can see that now."
"I know what’s going on with you, Eugene," she said after a moment; "it’s the burden that bothers you. It’s not just me; it’s anyone. It’s marriage. You don’t want to be married. It would be the same with any woman who ever loved and married you, or with any number of children. You’d want to get rid of her and them. It’s the burden that annoys you, Eugene. You want your freedom, and you won’t be happy until you have it. A child wouldn’t change anything. I see that now."
"I want my freedom," he exclaimed bitterly and inconsiderately, "and, what's more, I'm going to have it! I don't care. I'm sick of lying and pretending, sick of common little piffling notions of what you consider right and wrong. For eleven or twelve years now I have stood it. I have sat with you every morning at breakfast and every evening at dinner, most of the time when I didn't want to. I have listened to your theories of life when I didn't believe a word of what you said, and didn't care anything about what you thought. I've done it because I thought I ought to do it so as not to hurt your feelings, but I'm through with all that. What have I had? Spying on me, opposition, searching my pockets for letters, complaining if I dared [Pg 575] to stay out a single evening and did not give an account of myself.
"I want my freedom," he shouted bitterly and thoughtlessly, "and, what's more, I'm going to get it! I don't care. I'm tired of lying and pretending, tired of your petty little ideas of what's right and wrong. For eleven or twelve years I've dealt with this. I've sat with you every morning at breakfast and every evening at dinner, mostly when I didn't want to. I've listened to your life theories even though I didn't believe a word you said and didn't care about your opinions. I did it because I thought I should to avoid hurting your feelings, but I'm done with all that. What have I gotten? People spying on me, opposition, searching my pockets for letters, complaining if I dared to stay out even one evening without explaining myself.
"Why didn't you leave me after that affair at Riverdale? Why do you hang on to me when I don't love you? One'd think I was prisoner and you my keeper. Good Christ! When I think of it, it makes me sick! Well, there's no use worrying over that any more. It's all over. It's all beautifully over, and I'm done with it. I'm going to live a life of my own hereafter. I'm going to carve out some sort of a career that suits me. I'm going to live with someone that I can really love, and that's the end of it. Now you run and do anything you want to."
"Why didn’t you leave me after that incident at Riverdale? Why do you hold on to me when I don’t love you? It’s like I’m a prisoner and you’re my warden. Good grief! Just thinking about it makes me feel sick! Well, there’s no point in worrying about it anymore. It’s all over. It’s all beautifully over, and I’m done with it. I’m going to live my own life from now on. I’m going to build a career that works for me. I’m going to be with someone I can truly love, and that’s that. Now you go and do whatever you want."
He was like a young horse that had broken rein and that thinks that by rearing and plunging he shall become forever free. He was thinking of green fields and delightful pastures. He was free now, in spite of what she had told him. This night had made him so, and he was going to remain free. Suzanne would stand by him, he felt it. He was going to make it perfectly plain to Angela that never again, come what may, would things be as they were.
He was like a young horse that had broken free from its reins, thinking that by rearing and bucking, he could become truly free. He was imagining lush fields and beautiful pastures. He was free now, regardless of what she had told him. This night had changed everything for him, and he was determined to stay free. He sensed that Suzanne would support him. He was going to make it clear to Angela that things would never go back to how they were, no matter what happened.
"Yes, Eugene," she replied sadly, after listening to his protestations on this score, "I think that you do want your freedom, now that I see you. I'm beginning to see what it means to you. But I have made such a terrible mistake. Are you thinking about me at all? What shall I do? It is true that there will be a child unless I die. I may die. I'm afraid of that, or I was. I am not now. The only reason I would care to live would be to take care of it. I didn't think I was going to be ill with rheumatism. I didn't think my heart was going to be affected in this way. I didn't think that you were going to do as you have done, but now that you have, nothing matters. Oh," she said sadly, hot tears welling to her eyes, "it is all such a mistake! If I only hadn't done this!"
"Yes, Eugene," she replied sadly, after listening to his protests about it, "I think you really do want your freedom now that I see you. I'm starting to understand what it means to you. But I made such a terrible mistake. Are you even thinking about me at all? What should I do? It’s true there will be a child unless I die. I might die. I was afraid of that, but I'm not anymore. The only reason I would want to live would be to take care of it. I didn’t think I was going to get sick with rheumatism. I didn’t think my heart would be affected like this. I didn’t think you would do what you’ve done, but now that you have, nothing matters. Oh," she said sadly, hot tears filling her eyes, "it’s all such a mistake! If only I hadn’t done this!"
Eugene stared at the floor. He wasn't softened one bit. He did not think she was going to die—no such luck! He was thinking that this merely complicated things, or that she might be acting, but that it could not stand in his way. Why had she tried to trick him in this way? It was her fault. Now she was crying, but that was the old hypocrisy of emotion that she had used so often. He did not intend to desert her absolutely. She would have plenty to live on. Merely he did not propose to live with her, if he could help it, or only nominally, anyhow. The major portion of his time should be given to Suzanne.
Eugene stared at the floor. He wasn't softened at all. He didn't think she was going to die—no such luck! He was thinking that this just complicated things, or that she might be putting on an act, but that wouldn’t stop him. Why had she tried to trick him like this? It was her fault. Now she was crying, but that was the old emotional hypocrisy she had used so often. He didn't plan to completely abandon her. She would have plenty to live on. He just didn’t intend to live with her, if he could avoid it, or only nominally, anyway. The majority of his time should be spent with Suzanne.
"I don't care what it costs," he said finally. "I don't propose to live with you. I didn't ask you to have a child. It was [Pg 576] none of my doing. You're not going to be deserted financially, but I'm not going to live with you."
"I don’t care how much it costs," he said at last. "I’m not planning to live with you. I didn’t ask you to have a kid. That wasn’t my choice. You're not going to be left hanging financially, but I’m not going to live with you."
He stirred again, and Angela stared hot-cheeked. The hardness of the man enraged her for the moment. She did not believe that she would starve, but their improving surroundings, their home, their social position, would be broken up completely.
He stirred again, and Angela blushed. The man’s toughness frustrated her for the moment. She didn’t think she would actually starve, but their better living situation, their home, and their social status would be completely destroyed.
"Yes, yes. I understand," she pleaded, with an effort at controlling herself, "but I am not the only one to be considered. Are you thinking of Mrs. Dale, and what she may do and say? She isn't going to let you take Suzanne if she knows it, without doing something about it. She is an able woman. She loves Suzanne, however self-willed she may be. She likes you now, but how long do you think she is going to like you when she learns what you want to do with her daughter? What are you going to do with her? You can't marry her under a year even if I were willing to give you a divorce. You could scarcely get a divorce in that time."
"Yes, I get it," she said, trying to keep her composure, "but I'm not the only one who matters here. Have you thought about Mrs. Dale and what she might say or do? She's not going to let you take Suzanne without making a scene. She's a strong woman. She cares about Suzanne, no matter how stubborn she might be. She likes you now, but how long do you think that will last once she finds out what you want to do with her daughter? What are your plans? You can't marry her for at least a year, even if I were willing to give you a divorce. You'd barely be able to get a divorce in that time."
"I'm going to live with her, that's what I'm going to do," declared Eugene. "She loves me, she's willing to take me just as I am. She doesn't need marriage ceremonies and rings and vows and chains. She doesn't believe in them. As long as I love her, all right. When I cease to love her, she doesn't want me any more. Some difference in that, isn't there?" he added bitterly. "It doesn't sound exactly like Blackwood, does it?"
"I'm going to live with her, that's what I'm going to do," Eugene declared. "She loves me, and she's okay with me just the way I am. She doesn’t care about marriage ceremonies and rings and vows and commitments. She doesn’t believe in those things. As long as I love her, that’s good enough. If I stop loving her, she doesn’t want me anymore. There's a difference in that, isn't there?" he added bitterly. "It doesn't really sound like Blackwood, does it?"
Angela bridled. His taunts were cruel.
Angela tensed up. His insults were harsh.
"She says that, Eugene," she replied quietly, "but she hasn't had time to think. You've hypnotized her for the moment. She's fascinated. When she stops to think later, if she has any sense, any pride—— But, oh, why should I talk, you won't listen. You won't think." Then she added: "But what do you propose to do about Mrs. Dale? Don't you suppose she will fight you, even if I do not? I wish you would stop and think, Eugene. This is a terrible thing you are doing."
"She says that, Eugene," she said softly, "but she hasn't had time to think. You've got her under your spell for now. She's intrigued. When she takes a moment to think later, if she has any sense or pride— But, oh, why am I even bothering to talk? You won't listen. You won't think." Then she added, "But what’s your plan for Mrs. Dale? Don’t you think she’ll fight back, even if I don’t? I wish you would just stop and think, Eugene. This is a terrible thing you're doing."
"Think! Think!" he exclaimed savagely and bitterly. "As though I had not been thinking all these years. Think! Hell! I haven't done anything but think. I've thought until the soul within me is sick. I've thought until I wish to God I could stop. I've thought about Mrs. Dale. Don't you worry about her. I'll settle this matter with her later. Just now I want to convince you of what I am going to do. I'm going to have Suzanne, and you're not going to stop me."
"Think! Think!" he shouted fiercely and with resentment. "As if I haven’t been thinking all these years. Think! Damn it! I haven't done anything but think. I've thought until my soul feels sick. I've thought so much that I wish to God I could just stop. I've thought about Mrs. Dale. Don't worry about her. I'll deal with her later. Right now, I want to convince you of what I'm going to do. I'm going to be with Suzanne, and you’re not going to stop me."
"Oh, Eugene," sighed Angela, "if something would only make you see! It is partially my fault. I have been hard and suspicious [Pg 577] and jealous, but you have given me some cause to be, don't you think? I see now that I have made a mistake. I have been too hard and too jealous, but I could reform if you would let me try." (She was thinking now of living, not dying.) "I know I could. You have so much to lose. Is this change worth it? You know so well how the world looks at these things. Why, even if you should obtain your freedom from me under the circumstances, what do you suppose the world would think? You couldn't desert your child. Why not wait and see what happens? I might die. There have been such cases. Then you would be free to do as you pleased. That is only a little way off."
"Oh, Eugene," Angela sighed, "if only you could see! It’s partly my fault. I’ve been hard, suspicious, and jealous, but you’ve given me some reason to be, don’t you think? I realize now that I’ve made a mistake. I’ve been too harsh and too jealous, but I could change if you’d let me try." (She was thinking about living, not dying.) "I know I could. You have so much to lose. Is this change really worth it? You know how the world views these things. Even if you did manage to break free from me under these circumstances, what do you think the world would say? You can’t abandon your child. Why not wait and see what happens? I could die. There have been cases like that. Then you’d be free to do as you please. That’s not far off."
It was a specious plea, calculated to hold him; but he saw through it.
It was a deceptive appeal, meant to trap him; but he saw right through it.
"Nothing doing!" he exclaimed, in the slang of the day. "I know all about that. I know what you're thinking. In the first place, I don't believe you are in the condition you say you are. In the next place, you're not going to die. I don't propose to wait to be free. I know you, and I've no faith in you. What I do needn't affect your condition. You're not going to starve. No one need know, unless you start a row about it. Suzanne and I can arrange this between ourselves. I know what you're thinking, but you're not going to interfere. If you do, I'll smash everything in sight—you, this apartment, my job——" He clenched his hands desperately, determinedly.
"Not happening!" he shouted, using the slang of the time. "I know exactly what you're thinking. First off, I don't believe you're in the state you claim to be. Secondly, you're not going to die. I'm not going to sit around waiting to be free. I know you, and I don’t trust you. What I do doesn’t affect your situation. You're not going to starve. No one has to know, unless you start a fuss about it. Suzanne and I can sort this out on our own. I know what you're thinking, but you're not going to interfere. If you do, I'll destroy everything around me—you, this apartment, my job——" He clenched his fists fiercely, with determination.
Angela's hands were tingling with nervous pains while Eugene talked. Her eyes ached and her heart fluttered. She could not understand this dark, determined man, so savage and so resolute in his manner. Was this Eugene who was always moving about quietly when he was near her, getting angry at times, but always feeling sorry and apologizing? She had boasted to some of her friends, and particularly to Marietta, in a friendly, jesting way that she could wind Eugene around her little finger. He was so easy-going in the main, so quiet. Here he was a raging demon almost, possessed of an evil spirit of desire and tearing up his and hers and Suzanne's life for that matter, by the roots. She did not care for Suzanne, though, now, or Mrs. Dale. Her own blighted life, and Eugene's, looming so straight ahead of her terrified her.
Angela's hands were tingling with nervous energy while Eugene spoke. Her eyes throbbed and her heart raced. She couldn't make sense of this dark, determined man, so fierce and resolute in his demeanor. Was this really Eugene, who usually moved around her quietly, got angry at times, but always felt sorry and apologized? She had jokingly bragged to some friends, especially Marietta, that she could wrap Eugene around her little finger. He was generally so easygoing and calm. Now, he seemed like a raging demon, consumed by a desperate desire and uprooting their lives, including Suzanne’s. But she didn't care about Suzanne or Mrs. Dale anymore. The thought of her own shattered life, along with Eugene's, looming directly in front of her terrified her.
"What do you suppose Mr. Colfax will do when he hears of this?" she asked desperately, hoping to frighten him.
"What do you think Mr. Colfax will do when he hears about this?" she asked urgently, trying to scare him.
"I don't care a damn what Mr. Colfax will or can do!" he replied sententiously. "I don't care a damn what anybody does or says or thinks. I love Suzanne Dale. She loves me. She [Pg 578] wants me. There's an end of that. I'm going to her now. You stay me if you can."
"I don't care at all what Mr. Colfax will or can do!" he said emphatically. "I don't care at all what anyone does, says, or thinks. I love Suzanne Dale. She loves me. She [Pg 578] wants me. That's all there is to it. I'm going to her now. You can try to stop me if you want."
Suzanne Dale! Suzanne Dale! How that name enraged and frightened Angela! Never before had she witnessed quite so clearly the power of beauty. Suzanne Dale was young and beautiful. She was looking at her only tonight thinking how fascinating she was—how fair her face—and here was Eugene bewitched by it, completely undone. Oh, the terror of beauty! The terror of social life generally! Why had she entertained? Why become friendly with the Dales? But then there were other personalities, almost as lovely and quite as young—Marjorie McLennan, Florence Reel, Henrietta Tenman, Annette Kean. It might have been any one of these. She couldn't have been expected to shut out all young women from Eugene's life. No; it was Eugene. It was his attitude toward life. His craze about the beautiful, particularly in women. She could see it now. He really was not strong enough. Beauty would always upset him at critical moments. She had seen it in relation to herself—the beauty of her form, which he admired so, or had admired. "God," she prayed silently, "give me wisdom now. Give me strength. I don't deserve it, but help me. Help me to save him. Help me to save myself."
Suzanne Dale! Suzanne Dale! Just hearing that name made Angela both furious and scared! She had never seen the power of beauty so clearly before. Suzanne Dale was young and stunning. Tonight, she was focused on her, thinking about how captivating she was—how beautiful her face was—and Eugene was totally under her spell, completely lost. Oh, the fear of beauty! The fear of social life in general! Why had she let herself mingle? Why had she become friends with the Dales? But then there were other equally gorgeous and young women—Marjorie McLennan, Florence Reel, Henrietta Tenman, Annette Kean. It could have been any of them. She couldn't have been expected to keep all young women out of Eugene's life. No; it was Eugene. It was his outlook on life. His obsession with beauty, especially in women. She could see it clearly now. He really wasn’t strong enough. Beauty would always throw him off balance during crucial moments. She had seen it in relation to herself—the beauty of her figure, which he admired so much, or used to admire. "God," she silently prayed, "give me wisdom now. Give me strength. I don't deserve it, but help me. Help me save him. Help me save myself."
"Oh, Eugene," she said aloud, hopelessly, "I wish you would stop and think. I wish you would let Suzanne go her way in the morning, and you stay sane and calm. I won't care about myself. I can forgive and forget. I'll promise you I'll never mention it. If a child comes, I'll do my best not to let it annoy you. I'll try yet not to have one. It may not be too late. I'll change from this day forth. Oh!" She began to cry.
"Oh, Eugene," she said, feeling hopeless, "I really wish you would stop and think. I wish you would let Suzanne go her own way in the morning, and you stay grounded and calm. I won't worry about myself. I can forgive and forget. I promise I'll never bring it up again. If a child comes along, I’ll do my best not to let it bother you. I’ll even try not to have one at all. It might not be too late. I’ll start changing from today. Oh!" She began to cry.
"No! By God!" he said, getting up. "No! No! No! I'm through now. I'm through! I've had enough of fake hysterics and tears. Tears one minute, and wrath and hate the next. Subtlety! Subtlety! Subtlety! Nothing doing. You've been master and jailer long enough. It's my turn now. I'll do a little jailing and task-setting for a change. I'm in the saddle, and I'm going to stay there. You can cry if you want to, you can do what you please about the child. I'm through. I'm tired, and I'm going to bed, but this thing is going to stand just as it does. I'm through, and that's all there is to it."
"No! Seriously!" he said, getting up. "No! No! No! I'm done now. I'm done! I've had enough of the fake drama and tears. One minute there are tears, and the next it's all anger and hate. Enough with the subtlety! Enough with the subtlety! Enough! You've been the master and the jailer for too long. It's my turn now. I'm going to do some jail keeping and set some tasks for a change. I'm in control, and I'm planning to stay that way. You can cry if you want, do whatever you want about the child. I'm done. I'm tired, and I'm going to bed, but things are going to stay just as they are. I'm done, and that's final."
He strode out of the room angrily and fiercely, but nevertheless, when he reached it, he sat in his own room, which was on the other side of the studio from Angelas, and did not sleep. His mind was on fire with the thought of Suzanne; he thought of the old order which had been so quickly and so terribly broken. [Pg 579] Now, if he could remain master, and he could, he proposed to take Suzanne. She would come to him, secretly no doubt, if necessary. They would open a studio, a second establishment. Angela might not give him a divorce. If what she said was true, she couldn't. He wouldn't want her to, but he fancied from this conversation that she was so afraid of him that she would not stir up any trouble. There was nothing she could really do. He was in the saddle truly, and would stay there. He would take Suzanne, would provide amply for Angela, would visit all those lovely public resorts he had so frequently seen, and he and Suzanne would be happy together.
He stormed out of the room, angry and intense, but once he reached his own space on the opposite side of the studio from Angela’s, he couldn’t sleep. His mind was racing with thoughts of Suzanne; he reflected on the old life that had been shattered so suddenly and brutally. [Pg 579] Now, if he could stay in control—and he could—he planned to take Suzanne. She would come to him, secretly if needed. They would set up another studio, a second place. Angela might not grant him a divorce. If what she said was accurate, she couldn’t. He didn’t want her to, but he sensed from their conversation that she was so intimidated by him that she wouldn’t cause any trouble. There wasn’t much she could really do. He was in control, and he intended to stay that way. He would take Suzanne, provide well for Angela, explore all those beautiful public places he had often visited, and he and Suzanne would be happy together.
Suzanne! Suzanne! Oh, how beautiful she was! And to think how nobly and courageously she had stood by him tonight. How she had slipped her hand into his so sweetly and had said, "But I love him, Mrs. Witla." Yes, she loved him. No doubt of that. She was young, exquisite, beautifully rounded in her budding emotion and feeling. She was going to develop into a wonderful woman, a real one. And she was so young. What a pity it was he was not free now! Well, wait, this would right all things, and, meanwhile, he would have her. He must talk to Suzanne. He must tell her how things stood. Poor little Suzanne! There she was in her room wondering what was to become of her, and here was he. Well, he couldn't go to her tonight. It did not look right, and, besides, Angela might fight still. But tomorrow! Tomorrow! Oh, tomorrow he would walk and talk with her, and they would plan. Tomorrow he would show her just what he wanted to do and find out what she could do.
Suzanne! Suzanne! Oh, how beautiful she was! And to think how nobly and courageously she had stood by him tonight. How she had slipped her hand into his so sweetly and had said, "But I love him, Mrs. Witla." Yes, she loved him. No doubt about that. She was young, exquisite, beautifully rounded in her budding emotion and feeling. She was going to become a wonderful woman, a real one. And she was so young. What a pity he wasn't free right now! Well, just wait, this would set everything right, and, in the meantime, he would have her. He needed to talk to Suzanne. He had to tell her how things stood. Poor little Suzanne! There she was in her room, wondering what was going to happen to her, and here he was. Well, he couldn't go to her tonight. It didn't seem right, and besides, Angela might still fight. But tomorrow! Tomorrow! Oh, tomorrow he would walk and talk with her, and they would plan. Tomorrow he would show her exactly what he wanted to do and find out what she could do.
CHAPTER XI
This night passed without additional scenes, though as it stood it was the most astonishing and tremendous in all Eugene's experience. He had, not up to the time Angela walked into the room, really expected anything so dramatic and climacteric to happen, though what he did expect was never really very clear to him. At times as he lay and thought now he fancied that he might eventually have to give Suzanne up, though how, or when, or why, he could not say. He was literally crazed by her, and could not think that such a thing could really be. At other moments he fancied that powers outside of this visible life, the life attested by the five senses, had arranged this beautiful finish to his career for him so that he might be perfectly happy. All his life he had fancied that he was leading a more or less fated life, principally more. He thought that his art was a gift, that he had in a way been sent to revolutionize art in America, or carry it one step farther forward and that nature was thus constantly sending its apostles or special representatives over whom it kept watch and in whom it was well pleased. At other times he fancied he might be the sport or toy of untoward and malicious powers, such as those which surrounded and accomplished Macbeth's tragic end, and which might be intending to make an illustration of him. As he looked at life at times, it seemed to do this with certain people. The fates lied. Lovely, blandishing lures were held out only to lead men to destruction. He had seen other men who seemed to have been undone in this way. Was he to be so treated?
This night went by without any additional events, yet it was the most amazing and intense experience of Eugene's life. Up until Angela walked into the room, he hadn’t really expected anything so dramatic and pivotal to happen, though what he did expect was never very clear to him. Sometimes, as he lay there thinking, he imagined he might eventually have to let Suzanne go, but how, when, or why, he couldn't say. He was completely obsessed with her and couldn’t believe such a thing could really happen. Other times, he felt like forces beyond this visible life, the life confirmed by the five senses, had arranged this beautiful ending to his journey so that he could be truly happy. Throughout his life, he had thought he was living a more or less destined life, mostly more. He believed his art was a gift, that he had been sent to revolutionize art in America, or at least push it one step further, and that nature was constantly sending its apostles or special representatives whom it watched over and was pleased with. At other moments, he thought he might be the plaything of unfortunate and malicious forces, like those that surrounded and brought about Macbeth’s tragic end, and that they might be planning to make an example of him. Sometimes, as he looked at life, it seemed to treat certain people this way. The fates deceived. Beautiful, tempting rewards were dangled just to lure men to their ruin. He had seen other men who seemed to be ruined in this manner. Was he going to be treated the same way?
Angela's unexpected and peculiar announcement made it look that way. Still he did not believe it. Life had sent Suzanne across his path for a purpose. The fates or powers had seen he was miserable and unhappy. Being a favorite child of Heaven, he was to be rewarded for his sufferings by having her. She was here now—quickly, forcefully thrust into his arms, so to speak, so that perhaps he might have her all the more quickly. How silly it seemed to him now to have brought her into his own apartment to make love to her and get caught, and yet how fortunate, too, the hand of fate! No doubt it was intended. Anyhow, the shame to him, the shame to Angela and Suzanne, the terrific moments and hours that each was enduring now—these were things which were unfortunately involved in any [Pg 581] necessarily great readjustment. It was probable that it had to come about this way. It was better so than to go on living an unhappy life. He was really fitted for something better, he thought—a great career. He would have to adjust this thing with Angela in some way now, either leave her, or make some arrangement whereby he could enjoy the company of Suzanne uninterrupted. There must be no interference. He did not propose to give her up. The child might come. Well and good. He would provide for it, that would be all. He recalled now the conversation he had had with Suzanne in which she had said that she would live with him if she could. The time had come. Their plan for a studio should now be put into effect. It must be secret. Angela would not care. She could not help herself. If only the events of this night did not terrorize Suzanne into retracing her steps! He had not explained to her how he was to get rid of Angela apart from what she had heard this night. She was thinking, he knew, that they could go on loving each other in this tentative fashion, occupying a studio together, perhaps, not caring what the world thought, not caring what her mother thought, ignoring her brother and sister and Angela, and being happy with Eugene only. He had never tried to disillusion her. He was not thinking clearly himself. He was rushing forward in an aimless way, desiring the companionship of her beautiful mind and body. Now he saw he must act or lose her. He must convince her in the face of what Angela had said, or let her go. She would probably be willing to come to him rather than leave him entirely. He must talk, explain, make her understand just what a trick this all was.
Angela's surprising and strange announcement made it seem that way. Still, he didn’t buy it. Life had sent Suzanne his way for a reason. The fates had seen that he was miserable and unhappy. Being a favorite of the universe, he was meant to be rewarded for his struggles by having her. She was right there now—suddenly and forcefully pushed into his arms, as if to hurry things along. How foolish it felt now to have brought her into his own place to be intimate and get caught, yet how lucky too, thanks to fate! It was surely meant to happen this way. Anyhow, the shame he felt, the shame for Angela and Suzanne, the intense moments and hours each one was going through now—these were all unfortunately part of any major life change. It probably had to go down like this. It was better than continuing to live an unhappy life. He really believed he deserved something better—a great future. He had to figure out how to handle things with Angela now, either leave her or make some arrangement that would allow him to be with Suzanne without interruptions. There could be no interference. He didn’t plan to give her up. If a child came along, that was fine. He would take care of it, that was all. He remembered the conversation he had with Suzanne where she said she'd live with him if she could. That moment had arrived. Their plan for a studio needed to be set into motion. It had to be kept secret. Angela wouldn’t care. She couldn’t help herself. If only the events of tonight didn’t scare Suzanne into backing out! He hadn’t explained to her how he would deal with Angela aside from what she had heard tonight. She was thinking they could go on loving each other casually, maybe share a studio, not worrying about what the world thought, not caring about her mother’s opinion, ignoring her siblings and Angela, and just finding happiness with Eugene. He had never tried to crush her dreams. He wasn’t thinking clearly himself. He was moving forward aimlessly, wanting to be around her beautiful mind and body. Now he realized he needed to act or risk losing her. He had to convince her despite what Angela had said, or let her go. She would probably prefer to be with him rather than leave him completely. He needed to talk, explain, and help her understand just how complicated this all was.
Angela had not slept, but lay staring at the ceiling in the dark, her eyes a study in despair. When morning came they were none of them further along in their conclusions than they were the night before, save to know, each separately and distinctly, that a great tragedy or change was at hand. Suzanne had thought and thought, or tried to, but the impulse of blood and passion in her were Eugeneward and she could only see the situation from their own point of view. She loved him, she thought—must love him, since he was so ready to sacrifice so much for her; yet at the same time there was a strange, disconcerting nebulosity about her which, had Eugene fully realized it at this moment, would have terrified him. In her state, which was one of wondering delight at the beauty of life and love—a fatalistic security in the thought that joy was to come to her throughout life—much joy. She could not see the grimness of Eugene's position. She could not understand the agony of a [Pg 582] soul that had never really tasted supreme bliss in love, and had wanted, however foolishly, the accessories of wealth, and had never had them. Terrorized lest after the first sip of so wonderful a joy it should be removed forever, Eugene was tingling in the dark of his own room—tingling and yet reaching, almost with outstretched hands, to the splendor of the life that was seemingly before him. Suzanne, however, to whom life had given so much, was resting in a kind of still ease, like that which might fill a drowsy poppyland of joy where all the pleasures had been attained and were being tasted at leisure. Life at its worst to her was not so bad. Witness this storm which had been quelled in part by Eugene and was like to blow over as nothing at all. Things came round of their own accord in time, if one let them. She had always felt so sure that whatever happened no ill would befall her, and here she was courted and protected by Eugene even in his own home!
Angela hadn't slept, lying awake and staring at the ceiling in the dark, her eyes full of despair. When morning came, none of them were any closer to their conclusions than they had been the night before, except for the clear realization that a major tragedy or change was looming. Suzanne had thought deeply, or tried to, but the passionate feelings in her were directed toward Eugene, and she could only see the situation from their perspective. She believed she loved him—she had to love him, since he was willing to sacrifice so much for her; yet, at the same time, there was something strange and unsettling about her that, if Eugene had fully understood it in that moment, would have frightened him. She was in a state of wonder at the beauty of life and love—a sense of fatalistic security in the belief that joy was to come to her throughout her life—much joy. She couldn't grasp the harshness of Eugene's situation. She didn't understand the agony of a soul that had never truly experienced supreme bliss in love, who foolishly desired the comforts of wealth and had never possessed them. Terrified that after the first taste of such incredible joy it might be taken away forever, Eugene was buzzing with excitement in the darkness of his own room—tingling yet reaching out, almost with outstretched hands, toward the splendor of the life that seemed to lie ahead. Suzanne, on the other hand, who had been given so much by life, was resting in a kind of tranquil ease, like being in a dreamy land of joy where all pleasures had been achieved and were being savored at leisure. Life at its worst for her wasn't so terrible. Take this storm, which had been partly calmed by Eugene and was likely to pass without consequence. Things eventually sorted themselves out if one let them. She had always felt confident that no harm would come to her, and here she was, courted and protected by Eugene even in his own home!
In this situation, therefore, she was not grieving either for Eugene, for Angela, or for herself. She could not. Some dispositions are so. Eugene was able to take care of himself and her and Angela financially, she thought. She was really looking forward to that better day when this misalliance should be broken up, and Eugene and presumably Angela would be really happier. She wanted Eugene to be much happier, and Angela, for that matter—and through her, if possible, since Eugene's happiness seemed to depend on her. But unlike Eugene, she was already thinking that she could live well enough without him, if it must be. She did not want to. She felt that her greatest happiness would be in repaying him for past ills and pains; but if they must part for a time, for instance, it would not make so much difference. Time would bring them together. But if it didn't—— But it would. Why think otherwise? But how wonderful it was that her beauty, her mere physical beauty, which seemed unimportant to her, made him so wild. She could not know of the actual physical pain gnawing at his vitals, but it was so plain that he was madly stricken with her. His whole face and his burning black eyes riveted on her in intense delight and almost agony proved it. Was she so beautiful? Surely not! Yet he yearned over her so. And it was so delightful.
In this situation, she wasn’t mourning for Eugene, Angela, or even herself. She just couldn’t. Some people are like that. She thought Eugene could take care of himself, her, and Angela financially. She was really looking forward to the day when this awkward pairing would break apart, and both Eugene and Angela would be truly happier. She wanted Eugene to be a lot happier, and Angela too, especially if it helped Eugene since his happiness seemed to depend on her. But unlike Eugene, she already thought she could manage fine without him if it came to that. She didn’t want to, though. She felt her greatest joy would come from making up for past hurts and pains; but if they had to be apart for a while, it wouldn’t be such a big deal. Time would bring them back together. But what if it didn’t? But it would. Why think otherwise? How amazing it was that her beauty, which she thought was trivial, drove him so crazy. She couldn’t know the real physical pain eating away at him, but it was obvious that he was madly in love with her. His entire face and his intense black eyes fixed on her in pure delight and almost agony proved it. Was she really that beautiful? Surely not! Yet he seemed to long for her so much. And it was so wonderful.
She arose at dawn and began silently to dress, thinking that she might take a walk, leaving a note for Eugene as to where to come and find her if he could. She had one appointment for the day. Later she would have to go home, but things would come out all right. Since Eugene had compelled Angela to relinquish her determination to inform her mother, all must be well. They [Pg 583] would meet, she and Eugene. She would leave her home and be his and they would go anywhere, anywhere Eugene desired, only she would prefer to persuade her mother to see things from her point of view and later countenance some understanding between them here. Because of Angela's and Eugene's position here, she preferred this. Because of her youth and her poetic, erratic conception of life, she assumed that she could overcome her mother and that she and Eugene could live together somewhere in peace. Her friends might either be unaware of the situation, or they could be told, some of them, and they might countenance it because it was so beautiful and natural!
She got up at dawn and quietly started to get dressed, thinking about taking a walk and leaving a note for Eugene about where he could find her if he wanted to. She had one appointment for the day. Later, she would have to go home, but everything would turn out fine. Since Eugene had convinced Angela to give up her plan to tell her mother, all had to be okay. They would meet, she and Eugene. She would leave her home to be with him, and they would go anywhere he wanted, although she hoped to persuade her mother to see things her way and eventually find some common ground between them here. Due to Angela's and Eugene's situation, she preferred this. With her youth and her imaginative, unpredictable view of life, she believed she could win over her mother and that she and Eugene could live together somewhere peacefully. Some of her friends might not know what was going on, or some might be told and could support it because it felt so beautiful and natural!
Eugene heard her stirring after a time, and rose and went to her room and knocked. When she opened the door almost fully dressed a thrill of pain passed over his heart, for he thought that she had been intending to slip away without seeing him any more—so little they really knew each other. But as she stood there, a little cool or still or sober from much thought and the peculiar nature of her position, she seemed more beautiful than ever.
Eugene heard her moving around after a while, so he got up and went to her room and knocked. When she opened the door, almost fully dressed, a wave of pain washed over his heart because he feared she planned to leave without saying goodbye—how little they truly knew each other. But as she stood there, a bit cool or still or thoughtful because of her unique situation, she looked more beautiful than ever.
"You're not going, are you?" he asked, as she looked up at him with inquiring eyes.
"You're not leaving, are you?" he asked, as she looked up at him with curious eyes.
"I thought I'd go for a walk."
"I decided to take a walk."
"Without me?"
"Without me?"
"I intended to see you, if I could, or leave a note for you to come to me. I thought you would."
"I planned to see you, if possible, or leave a note for you to come to me. I thought you would."
"Will you wait for me?" he asked, feeling as though he must hold her close forever in order to live. "Just a little bit. I want to change my clothes." He took her in his arms.
"Will you wait for me?" he asked, feeling like he needed to hold her close forever to survive. "Just a little bit. I want to change my clothes." He wrapped his arms around her.
"Yes," she said softly.
"Yeah," she said quietly.
"You won't go without me?"
"You're not leaving without me?"
"No. Why do you ask?"
"Nope. Why do you ask?"
"Oh, I love you so!" he replied, and pushed her head back and looked yearningly into her eyes.
"Oh, I love you so much!" he said, pushing her head back and gazing longingly into her eyes.
She took his tired face between her hands and studied his eyes. She was so enrapt by him now in this first burst of affection that she could see nothing but him. He seemed so beautiful, so hungry! It did not matter to her now that she was in the home of his wife or that his love was complicated with so much that was apparently evil. She loved him. She had thought all night about him, not sleeping. Being so young, it was hard for her to reason clearly as yet, but somehow it seemed to her that he was very unhappily placed, terribly ill-mated, and that he needed her. He was so fine, so clean, so capable! If he did not want Angela, why should she want him? She would not be suffering [Pg 584] for anything save his company, and why should she want to hold him? She, Suzanne, would not, if she were in Angela's place. If there were a child, would that make any real difference? He did not love her.
She took his tired face in her hands and looked into his eyes. She was so captivated by him in this initial wave of affection that he was all she could see. He seemed so beautiful, so desperate! It didn’t matter to her that she was in his wife’s home or that his love was tangled with so much that seemed wrong. She loved him. She had thought about him all night, unable to sleep. Being so young, it was hard for her to think clearly, but somehow she sensed that he was very unhappy, badly matched, and that he needed her. He was so great, so clean, so capable! If he didn’t want Angela, why should she want him? She wouldn’t be suffering for anything but his company, so why would she want to hold him? She, Suzanne, wouldn’t if she were in Angela’s shoes. If there was a child, would that really matter? He didn’t love her.
"Don't worry about me," she said reassuringly. "I love you. Don't you know I do? I have to talk to you. We have to talk. How is Mrs. Witla?"
"Don't worry about me," she said in a comforting tone. "I love you. Don't you know that? I need to talk to you. We have to talk. How's Mrs. Witla?"
She was thinking about what Mrs. Witla would do, whether she would call up her mother, whether her struggle to have Eugene would begin at once.
She was wondering what Mrs. Witla would do, if she'd call her mom, and if her fight to have Eugene would start right away.
"Oh, she's about the same!" he said wearily. "We've had a long argument. I've told her just what I propose to do, but I'll tell you about that later."
"Oh, she's pretty much the same!" he said tiredly. "We've had a long argument. I've explained exactly what I plan to do, but I'll get into that later."
He went away to change his clothes, and then stepped into Angela's room.
He left to change his clothes and then walked into Angela's room.
"I'm going to walk with Suzanne," he said dominantly, when he was ready.
"I'm going to walk with Suzanne," he said assertively when he was ready.
"All right," said Angela, who was so tired she could have fainted. "Will you be back for dinner?"
"Okay," said Angela, who was so exhausted she could have passed out. "Will you be back for dinner?"
"I don't know," he replied. "What difference does it make?"
"I don't know," he said. "What does it matter?"
"Only this: that the maid and cook need not stay unless you are coming. I want nothing."
"Just this: the maid and cook don’t have to stay unless you’re coming. I don’t want anything."
"When will the nurse be here?"
"When's the nurse getting here?"
"At seven."
"At 7."
"Well, you can prepare dinner, if you wish," he said. "I will try and be back by four."
"Sure, you can make dinner if you want," he said. "I'll try to be back by four."
He walked toward the studio where Suzanne was, and found her waiting, white-faced, slightly hollow-eyed, but strong and confident. Now, as so often before, he noticed that spirit of self-sufficiency and reliance about her young body which had impressed him so forcibly and delightfully in the past. She was a wonderful girl, this Suzanne, full of grit and ability, although raised under what might have been deemed enervating circumstances. Her statement, made under pressure the night before, that she must go to a hotel and not go home until she could straighten out her affairs, had impressed him greatly. Why had she thought of going out in the world to work for herself unless there were something really fine about her? She was heir to a fortune under her father's will, he had heard her mother say once. This morning her glance was so assured. He did not use the phone to call a car, but strolled out into the drive with her walking along the stone wall which commanded the river northward toward Grant's Tomb. It occurred to him that they might go to Claremont Inn for breakfast, and afterwards take a car [Pg 585] somewhere—he did not know quite where. Suzanne might be recognized. So might he.
He walked toward the studio where Suzanne was and found her waiting, pale, with slightly sunken eyes, but strong and confident. Now, as so many times before, he noticed that air of self-sufficiency and independence in her young body that had impressed him so much and so delightfully in the past. She was a remarkable girl, this Suzanne, full of determination and talent, even though she had grown up in what could have been considered challenging circumstances. Her statement, made under pressure the night before, that she needed to go to a hotel and wouldn’t go home until she could sort out her affairs, had left a strong impression on him. Why had she thought of stepping out into the world to fend for herself unless there was something truly special about her? He had heard her mom mention that she stood to inherit a fortune under her father's will. This morning, her gaze was so confident. Instead of calling a car, he strolled out into the driveway with her, walking along the stone wall that overlooked the river heading north toward Grant's Tomb. It occurred to him that they could go to Claremont Inn for breakfast and then take a car[Pg 585] somewhere—he wasn’t sure where. Suzanne might get recognized. So might he.
"What shall we do, sweet?" he asked, as the cool morning air brushed their faces. It was a glorious day.
"What should we do, sweetheart?" he asked, as the cool morning air kissed their faces. It was a beautiful day.
"I don't care," replied Suzanne. "I promised to be at the Almerdings some time today, but I didn't say when. They won't think anything of it if I don't get there till after dinner. Will Mrs. Witla call up mama?"
"I don't care," Suzanne replied. "I promised to be at the Almerdings sometime today, but I didn't specify when. They won't think anything of it if I don't arrive until after dinner. Will Mrs. Witla call Mom?"
"I don't think so. In fact, I'm sure she won't." He was thinking of his last conversation with Angela, when she said she would do nothing. "Is your mother likely to call you up?"
"I don't think so. In fact, I'm sure she won't." He was thinking about his last conversation with Angela when she said she wouldn't do anything. "Is your mom likely to call you?"
"I think not. Mama doesn't usually bother when she knows where I am going. If she does, they'll simply say I haven't come yet. Will Mrs. Witla tell her, if she calls up there?"
"I don't think so. Mom usually doesn't worry when she knows where I'm going. If she does, they'll just say I haven't arrived yet. Will Mrs. Witla tell her if she calls up there?"
"I think not," he said. "No, I'm sure she won't. Angela wants time to think. She isn't going to do anything. She told me that this morning. She's going to wait until she sees what I am going to do. It all depends now on how we play our cards."
"I don’t think so," he said. "No, I’m certain she won’t. Angela needs time to think. She’s not going to do anything. She told me that this morning. She’s going to wait and see what I do next. It all depends on how we play our cards now."
He strolled on, looking at the river and holding Suzanne's hand. It was only a quarter to seven and the drive was comparatively empty.
He walked on, looking at the river and holding Suzanne's hand. It was just a quarter to seven, and the road was pretty clear.
"If she tells mama, it will make things very bad," said Suzanne thoughtfully. "Do you really think she won't?"
"If she tells mom, it will make things really bad," said Suzanne, thinking hard. "Do you really think she won't?"
"I'm sure she won't. I'm positive. She doesn't want to do anything yet. It's too dangerous. I think she thinks that maybe I will come round. Oh, what a life I've led! It seems like a dream, now that I have your love. You are so different, so generous! Your attitude is so unselfish! To have been ruled all these years in every little thing. This last trick of hers!"
"I'm sure she won't. I'm positive. She doesn't want to do anything yet. It's too risky. I think she believes that maybe I'll come around. Oh, what a life I've lived! It feels like a dream now that I have your love. You are so different, so generous! Your attitude is so selfless! To have been controlled all these years in every little thing. This last move of hers!"
He shook his head woefully. Suzanne looked at his weary face, her own as fresh as the morning.
He shook his head sadly. Suzanne looked at his tired face, her own as fresh as the morning.
"Oh, if I might only have had you to begin with!" he added.
"Oh, if only I had you from the start!" he added.
"Listen, Eugene," said Suzanne. "You know I feel sorry for Mrs. Witla. We shouldn't have done what we did last night, but you made me. You know you will never listen to me, until it's too late. You're so headstrong! I don't want you to leave Mrs. Witla unless you want to. You needn't for me. I don't want to marry you; not now, anyhow. I'd rather just give myself to you, if you want me to. I want time though, to think and plan. If mama should hear today, there would be a terrible time. If we have time to think, we may bring her round. I don't care anything about what Mrs. Witla told you last night. I don't want you to leave her. If we could just arrange some way. It's mama, you know."
"Listen, Eugene," Suzanne said. "I feel bad for Mrs. Witla. We shouldn't have done what we did last night, but you pushed me into it. You never listen to me until it’s too late. You’re so stubborn! I don't want you to leave Mrs. Witla unless you really want to. You don’t have to do it for me. I don’t want to marry you; not right now, anyway. I’d rather just be with you, if that’s what you want. But I need time to think and plan. If my mom hears today, it’ll be a complete disaster. If we can take some time, maybe we can change her mind. I really don’t care about what Mrs. Witla told you last night. I don’t want you to leave her. If we could just figure something out. It’s my mom, you know."
[Pg 586] She swung his hand softly in hers, pressing his fingers. She was deep in thought, for her mother presented a real problem.
[Pg 586] She gently held his hand, squeezing his fingers. She was lost in thought because her mother was a serious issue.
"You know," she went on, "mama isn't narrow. She doesn't believe much in marriage unless it's ideal. Mrs. Witla's condition wouldn't make so much difference if only the child were here. I've been thinking about that. Mama might sanction some arrangement if she thought it would make me happy and there was no scandal. But I'll have to have time to talk to her. It can't be done right away."
"You know," she continued, "Mom isn't closed-minded. She doesn't really believe in marriage unless it's perfect. Mrs. Witla's situation wouldn't matter so much if the child were already here. I've been thinking about that. Mom might support some kind of arrangement if she thought it would make me happy and there wouldn't be any scandal. But I'll need time to talk to her. It can't happen immediately."
Eugene listened to this with considerable surprise, as he did to everything Suzanne volunteered. She seemed to have been thinking about these questions a long time. She was not free with her opinions. She hesitated and halted between words and in her cogitations, but when they were out this was what they came to. He wondered how sound they were.
Eugene listened to this with a lot of surprise, just like he did to everything Suzanne shared. It seemed like she had been thinking about these questions for a long time. She wasn’t quick to share her opinions. She paused and stumbled over her words and thoughts, but when she finally spoke, this was what she had to say. He wondered how valid her thoughts were.
"Suzanne," he said, "you take my breath away! How you think! Do you know what you're talking about? Do you know your mother at all well?"
"Suzanne," he said, "you take my breath away! The way you think! Do you know what you're talking about? Do you even know your mother well?"
"Mama? Oh, yes, I think I understand mama. You know she's very peculiar. Mama is literary and romantic. She talks a great deal about liberty, but I don't take in everything she says. I think mama is different from most women—she's exceptional. She likes me, not so much as a daughter as a person. She's anxious about me. You know, I think I'm stronger than mama. I think I could dominate her if I tried. She leans on me now a lot, and she can't make me do anything unless I want to. I can make her come to my way of thinking, I believe. I have, lots of times. That's what makes me think I might now, if I have time. It will take time to get her to do what I want."
"Mama? Oh, yes, I think I understand her. You know she's really unique. Mama is intellectual and sentimental. She talks a lot about freedom, but I don't grasp everything she says. I believe mama is different from most women—she's one of a kind. She cares for me, not just as her daughter but as an individual. She's worried about me. You know, I think I'm stronger than mama. I believe I could influence her if I tried. She relies on me quite a bit now, and she can't force me to do anything unless I want to. I think I can change her mind; I have many times before. That's why I think I might be able to now, if I have the time. It will take time to get her to do what I want."
"How much time?" asked Eugene thoughtfully.
"How much time?" Eugene asked, thinking it over.
"Oh, I don't know. Three months. Six months. I can't tell. I would like to try, though."
"Oh, I don't know. Three months? Six months? I can't really say. But I'd like to give it a shot."
"And if you can't, then what?"
"And if you can't, then what?"
"Why, then—why, then I'll defy her, that's all. I'm not sure, you know. But I think I can."
"Well, then—I’ll stand up to her, that’s it. I’m not sure, you know. But I think I can."
"And if you can't?"
"And what if you can't?"
"But I can. I'm sure I can." She tossed her head gaily.
"But I can. I'm sure I can." She tossed her head happily.
"And come to me?"
"And come to me?"
"And come to you."
"And I’ll come to you."
They were near One Hundredth Street, under the trees. There was a lone man some distance away, walking from them. Eugene caught Suzanne in his arms and implanted a kiss upon her mouth. "Oh, you divinity!" he exclaimed. "Helen! Circe!"
They were near One Hundredth Street, under the trees. There was a man a bit further away, walking away from them. Eugene caught Suzanne in his arms and kissed her on the mouth. "Oh, you goddess!" he exclaimed. "Helen! Circe!"
[Pg 587] "No," she replied, with smiling eyes. "No, not here. Wait till we get a car."
[Pg 587] "No," she said, her eyes sparkling with a smile. "Not here. Just wait until we get in the car."
"Shall we go to Claremont?"
"Should we go to Claremont?"
"I'm not hungry."
"I'm not hungry anymore."
"Then we might as well call a car and ride."
"Then we might as well call a ride and go."
They hunted a garage and sped northward, the wonderful wind of the morning cooling and refreshing their fevered senses. Both he and Suzanne were naturally depressed at moments, at other moments preternaturally gay, for he was varying between joy and fear, and she was buoying him up. Her attitude was calmer, surer, braver, than his. She was like a strong mother to him.
They found a garage and drove north quickly, the refreshing morning breeze cooling their heated senses. Both he and Suzanne felt down at times, but at other times they were unusually cheerful, as he fluctuated between joy and fear, while she uplifted him. Her demeanor was calmer, more confident, and braver than his. She was like a strong mother to him.
"You know," he said, "I don't know what to think at times. I haven't any particular charge against Mrs. Witla except that I don't love her. I have been so unhappy. What do you think of cases of this kind, Suzanne? You heard what she said about me."
"You know," he said, "sometimes I just don't know what to think. I don't really have anything against Mrs. Witla except that I don't love her. I've been so unhappy. What do you think about situations like this, Suzanne? You heard what she said about me."
"Yes, I heard."
"Yeah, I heard."
"It all comes from that. I don't love her. I never have really from the beginning. What do you think where there is no love? It is true, part of what she said. I have been in love with other women, but it has always been because I have been longing for some sort of temperament that was congenial to me. I have, Suzanne, too, since I have been married. I can't say that I was really in love with Carlotta Wilson, but I did like her. She was very much like myself. The other was a girl somewhat like you. Not so wise. That was years ago. Oh, I could tell you why! I love youth. I love beauty. I want someone who is my companion mentally. You are that, Suzanne, and yet see what a hell it is creating. Do you think it is so bad where I am so very unhappy? Tell me, what do you think?"
"It all comes from that. I don’t love her. I never really have from the beginning. What do you expect where there’s no love? It’s true, part of what she said. I’ve been in love with other women, but it’s always been because I’ve been searching for some type of personality that fits with mine. I have, Suzanne, even since I’ve been married. I can’t say I was really in love with Carlotta Wilson, but I did like her. She was a lot like me. The other was a girl somewhat like you. Not as wise. That was years ago. Oh, I could tell you why! I love youth. I love beauty. I want someone who is my mental companion. You are that, Suzanne, and yet look at the hell it’s creating. Do you think it’s so bad that I’m so very unhappy? Tell me, what do you think?"
"Why, why," said Suzanne, "I don't think anyone ought to stick by a bad bargain, Eugene."
"Why, why," said Suzanne, "I don't think anyone should stick to a bad deal, Eugene."
"Just what do you mean by that, Suzanne?"
"Exactly what do you mean by that, Suzanne?"
"Well, you say you don't love her. You're not happy with her. I shouldn't think it would be good for her or you to have you stay with her. She can live. I wouldn't want you to stay with me if you didn't love me. I wouldn't want you at all if you didn't. I wouldn't want to stay with you if I didn't love you, and I wouldn't. I think marriage ought to be a happy bargain, and if it isn't you oughtn't to try to stay together just because you thought you could stay together once."
"Well, you say you don't love her. You're not happy with her. I don't think it's good for either of you to stay together. She can manage. I wouldn't want you to stay with me if you didn't love me. I wouldn't want you around at all if you didn't. I wouldn't want to be with you if I didn't love you, and I wouldn't. I believe marriage should be a happy partnership, and if it’s not, you shouldn’t force yourselves to stay together just because you thought you could once."
"What if there were children?"
"What if there are kids?"
"Well, that might be different. Even then, one or the other [Pg 588] could take them, wouldn't you think? The children needn't be made very unhappy in such a case."
"Well, that could be different. Even so, one or the other [Pg 588] could take them, don’t you think? The kids shouldn’t have to be very unhappy in that situation."
Eugene looked at Suzanne's lovely face. It seemed so strange to hear her reasoning so solemnly—this girl!
Eugene looked at Suzanne's beautiful face. It felt so odd to hear her speak so seriously—this girl!
"But you heard what she said about me, Suzanne, and about her condition?"
"But you heard what she said about me, Suzanne, and about her situation?"
"I know," she said. "I've thought about it. I don't see that it makes so very much difference. You can take care of her."
"I know," she said. "I've thought about it. I don't see that it makes much of a difference. You can take care of her."
"You love me just as much?"
"You love me just as much?"
"Yes."
Yes.
"Even if all she says is true?"
"Even if everything she says is true?"
"Yes."
Yes.
"Why, Suzanne?"
"Why, Suzanne?"
"Well, all her charges concerned years gone by, and that isn't now. And I know you love me now. I don't care about the past. You know, Eugene, I don't care anything about the future, either. I want you to love me only so long as you want to love me. When you are tired of me, I want you to leave me. I wouldn't want you to live with me if you didn't love me. I wouldn't want to live with you if I didn't love you."
"Well, all her accusations were about things that happened in the past, and that's not relevant now. And I know you love me right now. I don't care about what happened before. You know, Eugene, I don't care about the future either. I want you to love me only for as long as you genuinely want to love me. When you're done with me, I want you to go. I wouldn't want you to stay with me if you didn't love me. I wouldn't want to be with you if I didn't love you."
Eugene looked into her face, astonished, pleased, invigorated, and heartened by this philosophy. It was so like Suzanne, he thought. She seemed to have reached definite and effective conclusions so early. Her young mind seemed a solvent for all life's difficulties.
Eugene stared at her face, amazed, happy, energized, and uplifted by this outlook on life. It was very much like Suzanne, he thought. She seemed to have made clear and practical conclusions at such a young age. Her youthful mind appeared to be a solution for all of life’s challenges.
"Oh, you wonderful girl!" he said. "You know you are wiser than I am, stronger. I draw to you, Suzanne, like a cold man to a fire. You are so kindly, so temperate, so understanding!"
"Oh, you amazing girl!" he said. "You know you're smarter than I am, more capable. I’m drawn to you, Suzanne, like a cold person to a fire. You are so kind, so balanced, so understanding!"
They rode on toward Tarrytown and Scarborough, and on the way Eugene told Suzanne some of his plans. He was willing not to leave Angela, if that was agreeable to her. He was willing to maintain this outward show, if that was satisfactory. The only point was, could he stay and have her, too? He did not understand quite how she could want to share him with anybody, but he could not fathom her from any point of view, and he was fascinated. She seemed the dearest, the subtlest, the strangest and most lovable girl. He tried to find out by what process she proposed to overcome the objections of her mother, but Suzanne seemed to have no plans save that of her ability to gradually get the upper hand mentally and dominate her. "You know," she said at one point, "I have money coming to me. Papa set aside two hundred thousand dollars for each of us children when [Pg 589] we should come of age, and I am of age now. It is to be held in trust, but I shall have twelve thousand or maybe more from that. We can use that. I am of age now, and I have never said anything about it. Mama has managed all these things."
They rode on toward Tarrytown and Scarborough, and along the way, Eugene shared some of his plans with Suzanne. He was open to not leaving Angela if that worked for her. He was okay with keeping up appearances if that was what she wanted. The only question was, could he stay and be with her too? He didn't quite understand how she could want to share him with anyone, but he couldn't figure her out from any angle, and he was intrigued. She seemed to be the sweetest, most subtle, strangest, and most lovable girl. He tried to find out how she planned to overcome her mother's objections, but Suzanne seemed to have no strategy other than her ability to eventually gain control mentally and dominate her. "You know," she said at one point, "I have money coming to me. Dad set aside two hundred thousand dollars for each of us kids when we turned eighteen, and I'm eighteen now. It’s supposed to be held in trust, but I’ll have twelve thousand or maybe more from that. We can use that. I’m legal now, and I’ve never mentioned it. Mom has handled all these things."
Here was another thought which heartened Eugene. With Suzanne he would have this additional income, which might be used whatever else might betide. If only Angela could be made to accept his conditions and Suzanne could win in her contest with her mother all would be well. His position need not be jeopardized. Mrs. Dale need hear nothing of it at present. He and Suzanne could go on associating in this way until an understanding had been reached. It was all like a delightful courtship which was to bloom into a still more delightful marriage.
Here was another thought that lifted Eugene's spirits. With Suzanne, he would have this extra income, which could be used no matter what else happened. If only Angela could agree to his terms and Suzanne could prevail in her struggle with her mother, everything would be fine. His position wouldn't need to be put at risk. Mrs. Dale didn’t have to know about it for now. He and Suzanne could continue their relationship like this until they reached an agreement. It felt like a charming courtship that was destined to blossom into an even more wonderful marriage.
The day passed in assurances of affection. Suzanne told Eugene of a book she had read in French, "The Blue Bird." The allegory touched Eugene to the quick—its quest for happiness, and he named Suzanne then and there "The Blue Bird." She made him stop the car and go back to get her an exquisite lavender-hued blossom growing wild on a tall stalk which she saw in a field as they sped by. Eugene objected genially, because it was beyond a wire fence and set among thorns, but she said, "Yes, now, you must. You know you must obey me now. I am going to begin to train you now. You've been spoiled. You're a bad boy. Mama says that. I am going to reform you."
The day went by filled with expressions of love. Suzanne told Eugene about a book she had read in French, "The Blue Bird." The story really struck a chord with Eugene—its search for happiness—and he immediately nicknamed Suzanne "The Blue Bird." She made him stop the car to go back and pick her a beautiful lavender flower growing wild on a tall stalk that she spotted in a field as they drove past. Eugene playfully protested, saying it was beyond a wire fence and surrounded by thorns, but she insisted, "Yes, now you have to. You know you have to listen to me now. I’m going to start training you. You’ve been spoiled. You're a bad boy. Mom says that. I’m going to change you."
"A sweet time you'll have, Flower Face! I'm a bad lot. Have you noticed that?"
"A sweet time you’re going to have, Flower Face! I’m trouble. Have you noticed that?"
"A little."
"A bit."
"And you still like me?"
"And you still like me?"
"I don't mind. I think I can change you by loving you."
"I don't mind. I believe I can change you with my love."
Eugene went gladly. He plucked the magnificent bloom and handed it to her "as a sceptre," he said. "It looks like you, you know," he added. "It's regal."
Eugene went happily. He picked the beautiful flower and gave it to her "as a scepter," he said. "It looks like you, you know," he added. "It's royal."
Suzanne accepted the compliment without thought of its flattering import. She loved Eugene, and words had scarcely any meaning to her. She was as happy as a child and as wise in many things as a woman twice her years. She was as foolish as Eugene over the beauty of nature, dwelling in an ecstasy upon morning and evening skies, the feel of winds and the sigh of leaves. The beauties of nature at every turn caught her eye, and she spoke to him of things she felt in such a simple way that he was entranced.
Suzanne accepted the compliment without thinking about how flattering it was. She loved Eugene, and words hardly meant anything to her. She was as happy as a child and as knowledgeable in many areas as a woman twice her age. She was as amazed as Eugene by the beauty of nature, lost in the joy of morning and evening skies, the sensation of the wind, and the rustling of leaves. The beauty of nature caught her attention everywhere, and she talked to him about her feelings in such a straightforward way that he was completely captivated.
Once when they had left the car and were walking about the grounds of an inn, she found that one of her silk stockings had [Pg 590] worn through at the heel. She lifted up her foot and looked at it meditatively. "Now, if I had some ink I could fix that up so quickly," she said, laughing.
Once, after they had gotten out of the car and were strolling around the inn's grounds, she noticed that one of her silk stockings had [Pg 590] worn through at the heel. She lifted her foot and examined it thoughtfully. "If I only had some ink, I could fix this up so quickly," she said, laughing.
"What would you do?" he asked.
"What would you do?" he asked.
"I would black it," she replied, referring to her pink heel, "or you could paint it."
"I would paint it black," she replied, referring to her pink heel, "or you could just paint it."
He laughed and she giggled. It was these little, idle simplicities which amused and fascinated him.
He laughed and she giggled. It was these small, simple moments that amused and captivated him.
"Suzanne," he said dramatically at this time, "you are taking me back into fairyland."
"Suzanne," he said dramatically, "you're taking me back to fairyland."
"I want to make you happy," she said, "as happy as I am."
"I want to make you happy," she said, "as happy as I am."
"If I could be! If I only could be!"
"If I could be! If I could just be!"
"Wait," she said; "be cheerful. Don't worry. Everything will come out all right. I know it will. Things always come right for me. I want you and you will come to me. You will have me just as I will have you. Oh, it is all so beautiful!"
"Wait," she said. "Stay positive. Don't stress. Everything will turn out fine. I know it will. Things always work out for me. I want you, and you will come to me. You will have me just like I will have you. Oh, it’s all so beautiful!"
She squeezed his hand in an ecstasy of delight and then gave him her lips.
She squeezed his hand in pure joy and then kissed him.
"What if someone should see?" he asked.
"What if someone sees?" he asked.
"I don't care! I don't care!" she cried. "I love you!"
"I don't care! I don't care!" she shouted. "I love you!"
CHAPTER XII
After dining joyously, these two returned to the city. Suzanne, as she neared New York proper, was nervous as to what Angela might have done, for she wanted, in case Angela told her mother, to be present, in order to defend herself. She had reached a rather logical conclusion for her, and that was, in case her mother objected too vigorously, to elope with Eugene. She wanted to see just how her mother would take the intelligence in order that she might see clearly what to do. Previously she had the feeling that she could persuade her mother not to interfere, even in the face of all that had been revealed. Nevertheless, she was nervous, and her fears were bred to a certain extent by Eugene's attitude.
After a joyful dinner, the two of them returned to the city. As Suzanne got closer to New York, she felt nervous about what Angela might have said, since she wanted to be there if Angela told her mother, so she could defend herself. She had come to a fairly logical conclusion for herself: if her mother strongly opposed her plans, she would elope with Eugene. She wanted to see how her mother would react to the news so she could figure out what to do next. Before, she had felt that she could convince her mother not to get involved, even with everything that had been revealed. Still, she felt anxious, and a lot of her fears were fueled by Eugene's attitude.
In spite of all his bravado, he really did not feel at all secure. He was not afraid of what he might lose materially so much as he was of losing Suzanne. The thought of the coming child had not affected them at all as yet. He could see clearly that conditions might come about whereby he could not have her, but they were not in evidence as yet. Besides, Angela might be lying. Still at odd moments his conscience troubled him, for in the midst of his intense satisfaction, his keenest thrills of joy, he could see Angela lying in bed, the thought of her wretched future before her, the thought of the coming life troubling her, or he could hear the echo of some of the pleas she had made. It was useless to attempt to shut them out. This was a terrible ordeal he was undergoing, a ruthless thing he was doing. All the laws of life and public sentiment were against him. If the world knew, it would accuse him bitterly. He could not forget that. He despaired at moments of ever being able to solve the tangle in which he had involved himself, and yet he was determined to go on. He proposed accompanying Suzanne to her friends, the Almerdings, but she changed her mind and decided to go home. "I want to see whether mama has heard anything," she insisted.
In spite of all his bravado, he really didn’t feel secure at all. He wasn’t so much afraid of what he might lose materially as he was of losing Suzanne. The thought of the baby on the way hadn't really affected them yet. He could clearly see that situations could arise where he might not be able to have her, but those situations hadn’t shown up yet. Plus, Angela could be lying. Still, at random moments, his conscience bothered him, because in the middle of his intense satisfaction and his greatest thrills of joy, he could picture Angela lying in bed, thinking about her miserable future, the thought of the incoming baby weighing on her, or he could hear echoes of some of the pleas she had made. It was pointless to try to shut those thoughts out. This was a terrible ordeal he was going through; he was doing something ruthless. All the laws of life and public opinion were against him. If the world knew, it would accuse him harshly. He couldn’t forget that. Sometimes he felt hopeless about ever being able to untangle himself from this mess, but he was determined to keep going. He planned to take Suzanne to see her friends, the Almerdings, but she changed her mind and decided to go home. “I want to see if Mom has heard anything,” she insisted.
Eugene had to escort her to Staten Island and then order the chauffeur to put on speed so as to reach Riverside by four. He was somewhat remorseful, but he argued that his love-life was so long over, in so far as Angela was concerned, that it could not really make so very much difference. Since Suzanne wanted to wait a little time and proceed slowly, it was not going to be as [Pg 592] bad for Angela as he had anticipated. He was going to give her a choice of going her way and leaving him entirely, either now, or after the child was born, giving her the half of his property, stocks, ready money, and anything else that might be divisible, and all the furniture, or staying and tacitly ignoring the whole thing. She would know what he was going to do, to maintain a separate ménage, or secret rendezvous for Suzanne. He proposed since Suzanne was so generous not to debate this point, but to insist. He must have her, and Angela must yield, choosing only her conditions.
Eugene had to take her to Staten Island and then tell the chauffeur to speed up to reach Riverside by four. He felt somewhat guilty, but he reasoned that his romantic life was long over with Angela, so it really didn’t matter much. Since Suzanne wanted to take her time and proceed slowly, it wouldn’t be as bad for Angela as he’d expected. He planned to give her the choice of leaving him entirely now or after the baby was born, offering her half of his property, stocks, cash, and anything else that could be split, along with all the furniture, or staying and just pretending nothing was happening. She would know he intended to keep a separate place or secret meetings with Suzanne. He decided that since Suzanne was so generous, he wouldn’t argue this point but would insist. He needed her, and Angela had to give in, choosing only her terms.
When he came to the house, a great change had come over Angela. In the morning when he left she was hard and bitter in her mood. This afternoon she was, albeit extremely sad, more soft and melting than he had ever seen her. Her hard spirit was temporarily broken, but in addition she had tried to resign herself to the inevitable and to look upon it as the will of God. Perhaps she had been, as Eugene had often accused her of being, hard and cold. Perhaps she had held him in too tight leading strings. She had meant it for the best. She had tried to pray for light and guidance, and after a while something softly sad, like a benediction, settled upon her. She must not fight any more, she thought. She must yield. God would guide her. Her smile, kindly and wan, when Eugene entered the room, took him unawares.
When he arrived at the house, Angela had changed a lot. In the morning when he left, she was tough and bitter. But that afternoon, although she was still very sad, she seemed softer and more vulnerable than he had ever seen her. Her hardened spirit was momentarily broken, and she had tried to accept the unavoidable, seeing it as the will of God. Maybe she had been, as Eugene often said, tough and unfeeling. Maybe she had held him too tightly. She had meant well. She had tried to pray for clarity and guidance, and eventually, a softly sad feeling, almost like a blessing, settled over her. She thought she shouldn’t fight anymore; she should surrender. God would guide her. Her smile, gentle and faint, caught Eugene off guard when he walked into the room.
Her explanation of her mood, her prayers, her willingness to give him up if need be, even in the face of what was coming to her, moved him more than anything that had ever passed between them. He sat opposite her at dinner, looking at her thin hands and face, and her sad eyes, trying to be cheerful and considerate, and then, going back into her room and hearing her say she would do whatever he deemed best, burst into tears. He cried from an excess of involuntary and uncontrolled emotion. He hardly knew why he cried, but the sadness of everything—life, the tangle of human emotions, the proximity of death to all, old age, Suzanne, Angela, all—touched him, and he shook as though he would rend his sides. Angela, in turn, was astonished and grieved for him. She could scarcely believe her eyes. Was he repenting? "Come to me, Eugene!" she pleaded. "Oh, I'm so sorry! Are you as much in love as that? Oh, dear, dear, if I could only do something! Don't cry like that, Eugene. If it means so much to you, I will give you up. It tears my heart to hear you. Oh, dear, please don't cry."
Her explanation of her mood, her prayers, her willingness to let him go if it was necessary, even with what was coming her way, moved him more than anything that had ever happened between them. He sat across from her at dinner, looking at her thin hands and face, and her sad eyes, trying to be cheerful and considerate, and then, when he went back into her room and heard her say she would do whatever he thought was best, he burst into tears. He cried from an overflow of involuntary and uncontrolled emotion. He hardly knew why he cried, but the sadness of everything—life, the mess of human emotions, the closeness of death, old age, Suzanne, Angela, everything—hit him hard, and he shook as if he would tear apart. Angela, in turn, was astonished and hurt for him. She could hardly believe her eyes. Was he feeling regret? "Come to me, Eugene!" she pleaded. "Oh, I'm so sorry! Are you really that in love? Oh, dear, if only I could do something! Don't cry like that, Eugene. If it means this much to you, I will let you go. It breaks my heart to hear you. Oh, please don’t cry."
He laid his head on his knees and shook, then seeing her getting up, came over to the bed to prevent her.
He rested his head on his knees and trembled; then, noticing her getting up, he went over to the bed to stop her.
[Pg 593] "No, no," he said, "it will pass. I can't help it. I'm sorry for you. I'm sorry for myself. I'm sorry for life. God will punish me for this. I can't help it, but you are a good woman."
[Pg 593] "No, no," he said, "this will pass. I can't change it. I feel sorry for you. I feel sorry for myself. I feel sorry for life. God will punish me for this. I can't change it, but you’re a good woman."
He laid his head down beside her and sobbed, great, aching sobs. After a time he recovered himself, only to find that he had given Angela courage anew. She would think now that his love might be recovered since he had seemed so sympathetic; that Suzanne might be displaced. He knew that could not be, and so he was sorry that he had cried.
He rested his head next to hers and cried, heavy, painful sobs. After a while, he pulled himself together, only to realize that he had given Angela new hope. She would believe now that he might still love her since he had seemed so understanding; that Suzanne could be pushed aside. He knew that wasn’t possible, and so he felt regret for having cried.
They went on from that to discussion, to argument, to ill-feeling, to sympathetic agreement again by degrees, only to fall out anew. Angela could not resign herself to the thought of giving him up. Eugene could not see that he was called upon to do anything, save divide their joint possessions. He was most anxious to have nothing to do with Angela anymore in any way. He might live in the same house, but that would be all. He was going to have Suzanne. He was going to live for her only. He threatened Angela with dire consequences if she tried to interfere in any way. If she communicated with Mrs. Dale, or said anything to Suzanne, or attempted to injure him commercially, he would leave her.
They moved from talking to arguing, to feeling bad, to gradually reaching a sympathetic agreement, only to fall out again. Angela couldn’t accept the idea of letting him go. Eugene didn’t think he had any responsibility other than dividing their shared belongings. He really wanted nothing more to do with Angela at all. They could live in the same house, but that was as far as it would go. He was going to be with Suzanne. He would live only for her. He warned Angela of serious consequences if she tried to interfere in any way. If she contacted Mrs. Dale, said anything to Suzanne, or tried to hurt him financially, he would leave her.
"Here is the situation," he would insist. "You can maintain it as I say, or break it. If you break it, you lose me and everything that I represent. If you maintain it, I will stay here. I think I will. I am perfectly willing to keep up appearances, but I want my freedom."
"Here’s the deal," he would say. "You can keep things the way I’ve said, or you can mess it up. If you mess it up, you’ll lose me and everything I stand for. If you keep it together, I’ll stick around. I think I will. I’m totally okay with keeping up appearances, but I want my freedom."
Angela thought and thought of this. She thought once of sending for Mrs. Dale and communicating with her secretly, urging her to get Suzanne out of the way without forewarning either the girl or Eugene, but she did not do this. It was the one thing she should have done and a thing Mrs. Dale would have agreed to, but fear and confusion deterred her. The next thing was to write or talk to Suzanne, and because she mistrusted her mood in Suzanne's presence she decided to write. She lay in bed on Monday when Eugene was away at the office and composed a long letter in which she practically gave the history of Eugene's life reiterating her own condition and stating what she thought Eugene ought to do.
Angela kept thinking about this. She considered reaching out to Mrs. Dale and secretly asking her to help get Suzanne out of the picture without warning either the girl or Eugene, but ultimately she didn’t do it. It was the one thing she should’ve done, and Mrs. Dale would’ve been on board, but fear and confusion held her back. The next step was to either write or talk to Suzanne, and since she didn’t trust her own feelings in Suzanne's presence, she chose to write. She lay in bed on Monday while Eugene was at the office and wrote a long letter where she practically recounted Eugene's life story, repeating her own situation and stating what she believed Eugene should do.
"How can you think, Suzanne," she asked in one place, "that he will be true to you when he can ignore me, in this condition? He has not been true to anyone else. Are you going to throw your life away? Your station is assured now. What can he add to you that you have not already? If you take him, it is sure to become known. You are the one who will be injured, [Pg 594] not he. Men recover from these things, particularly from an infatuation of this character, and the world thinks nothing of it; but the world will not forgive you. You will be 'a bad woman' after this, irretrievably so if a child is born. You think you love him. Do you really love him this much? Read this and stop and think. Think of his character. I am used to him. I made my mistakes in the beginning, and it is too late for me to change. The world can give me nothing. I may have sorrow and disgust, but at least I shall not be an outcast and our friends and the world will not be scandalized. But you—you have everything before you. Some man will come to you whom you will love and who will not ask and willingly make a sacrifice of you. Oh, I beg you to think! You do not need him. After all, sorry as I am to confess it, I do. It is as I tell you. Can you really afford to ignore this appeal?"
"How can you think, Suzanne," she asked at one point, "that he will be loyal to you when he can overlook me in this situation? He hasn't been loyal to anyone else. Are you really going to waste your life? Your position is secure now. What can he offer you that you don't already have? If you choose him, it will definitely get out. You are the one who will suffer, [Pg 594] not him. Men get over these things, especially when it’s an obsession like this, and no one thinks twice about it; but the world won't forgive you. You'll be labeled a 'bad woman' after this, especially if you end up having a child. You think you love him. Do you really love him that much? Read this and take a moment to think. Consider his character. I'm accustomed to him. I made my mistakes at the start, and it's too late for me to change. The world has nothing to offer me. I may have sorrow and disgust, but at least I won't be an outcast, and our friends and society won't be scandalized. But you—you have everything ahead of you. Some man will come who you will love and who will willingly make a sacrifice for you. Oh, I urge you to think! You don't need him. As much as I hate to admit it, I do. That's the truth. Can you really afford to ignore this warning?"
Suzanne read this and was greatly shocked. Angela painted him in a wretched light, as fickle, deceitful, dishonest in his relations with women. She debated this matter in her own room, for it could not help but give her pause. After a time, Eugene's face came back to her, however, his beautiful mind, the atmosphere of delight and perfection that seemed to envelop all that surrounded him. It was as though Eugene were a mirage of beauty, so soft, so sweet, so delightful! Oh, to be with him; to hear his beautiful voice; to feel his intense caresses! What could life offer her equal to that? And, besides, he needed her. She decided to talk it out with him, show him the letter, and then decide.
Suzanne read this and was really shocked. Angela painted him in a terrible light, portraying him as fickle, deceitful, and dishonest in his relationships with women. She thought about this in her own room, as it was hard not to think twice. After a while, Eugene's face came back to her, along with his beautiful mind and the sense of joy and perfection that seemed to surround him. It felt like Eugene was a mirage of beauty, so gentle, so sweet, so delightful! Oh, to be with him; to hear his beautiful voice; to feel his passionate embraces! What could life offer her that was better than that? Besides, he needed her. She decided to talk it through with him, show him the letter, and then make a decision.
Eugene came in a day or two, having phoned Monday and Tuesday mornings. He made a rendezvous of the ice house, and then appeared as eager and smiling as ever. Since returning to the office and seeing no immediate sign of a destructive attitude on Angela's part, he had recovered his courage. He was hopeful of a perfect dénouement to all this—of a studio and his lovely Suzanne. When they were seated in the auto, she immediately produced Angela's letter and handed it to him without comment. Eugene read it quietly.
Eugene showed up a day or two later, having called on Monday and Tuesday mornings. He arranged to meet at the ice house and arrived as eager and cheerful as ever. After getting back to the office and not noticing any signs of hostility from Angela, he felt braver. He was optimistic about a perfect resolution to everything—having a studio and his beautiful Suzanne. Once they were in the car, she took out Angela's letter and handed it to him without saying a word. Eugene read it silently.
He was greatly shocked at what he read, for he thought that Angela was more kindly disposed toward him. Still he knew it to be true, all of it, though he was not sure that Suzanne would suffer from his attentions. The fates might be kind. They might be happy together. Anyhow, he wanted her now.
He was really shocked by what he read, because he thought that Angela liked him more. Still, he knew it was all true, even though he wasn't sure if Suzanne would be hurt by his feelings. Fate might be on their side. They could be happy together. Either way, he wanted her now.
"Well," he said, giving it back, "what of it? Do you believe all she says?"
"Well," he said, handing it back, "so what? Do you really believe everything she says?"
"It may be so, but somehow when I am with you I don't seem [Pg 595] to care. When I am away from you, it's different. I'm not so sure."
"It might be true, but when I'm with you, I don't really care. When I'm away from you, though, it's a different story. I'm not so sure."
"You can't tell whether I am as good as you think I am?"
"You can't figure out if I'm as good as you think I am?"
"I don't know what to think. I suppose all she says about you is true. I'm not sure. When you're away, it's different. When you are here, I feel as though everything must come out right. I love you so. Oh, I know it will!" She threw her arms around him.
"I don't know what to think. I guess everything she says about you is true. I'm not really sure. When you’re away, things feel different. When you’re here, it seems like everything has to work out perfectly. I love you so much. Oh, I know it will!" She wrapped her arms around him.
"Then the letter doesn't really make any difference?"
"Then the letter doesn't really change anything?"
"No."
"Nope."
She looked at him with big round eyes, and it was the old story, bliss in affection without thought. They rode miles, stopped at an inn for something to eat—Mrs. Dale was away for the day—looked at the sea where the return road skirted it, and kissed and kissed each other. Suzanne grew so ecstatic that she could see exactly how it was all coming out.
She looked at him with wide, bright eyes, and it was the same old story, happiness in love without a care. They rode for miles, stopped at an inn for a bite to eat—Mrs. Dale was gone for the day—glanced at the sea where the way back ran along it, and kissed and kissed each other. Suzanne became so overjoyed that she could see exactly how everything was unfolding.
"Now you leave it to me," she said. "I will sound mama. If she is at all logical, I think I can convince her. I would so much rather do it that way. I hate deception. I would rather just tell her, and then, if I have to, defy her. I don't think I shall have to, though. She can't do anything."
"Now just leave it to me," she said. "I'll talk to Mom. If she's being reasonable at all, I think I can persuade her. I really prefer to handle it this way. I can't stand lying. I'd much rather just tell her straight up, and then, if necessary, go against her. But I don’t think I’ll need to. She can't really do anything."
"I don't know about that," said Eugene cautiously. He had come to have great respect for Suzanne's courage, and he was rather relying on Mrs. Dale's regard for him to stay her from any desperate course, but he did not see how their end was to be achieved.
"I don't know about that," Eugene said carefully. He had developed a lot of respect for Suzanne's bravery, and he was counting on Mrs. Dale's consideration for him to stop her from taking any drastic action, but he couldn't see how they were going to achieve their goal.
He was for entering on an illicit relationship after a time without saying anything at all. He was in no hurry, for his feeling for Suzanne was not purely physical, though he wanted her. Because of her strange reading and philosophy, she was defying the world. She insisted that she did not see how it would hurt her.
He was considering starting an affair after a while without mentioning anything. He wasn't rushing, because his feelings for Suzanne weren't just physical, even though he desired her. Due to her unusual reading and philosophy, she was challenging the world. She maintained that she didn't understand how it would be harmful to her.
"But, my dear, you don't know life," said Eugene. "It will hurt you. It will grind you to pieces in all places outside of New York. This is the Metropolis. It is a world city. Things are not quite the same here, but you will have to pretend, anyhow. It is so much easier."
"But, my dear, you have no idea what life is really like," said Eugene. "It will hurt you. It will break you down everywhere outside of New York. This is the Metropolis. It's a global city. Things aren’t quite the same here, but you’ll have to act like they are, anyway. It’s so much easier."
"Can you protect me?" she asked significantly, referring to the condition Angela pleaded. "I wouldn't want—I couldn't, you know, not yet, not yet."
"Can you protect me?" she asked meaningfully, referring to the situation Angela begged about. "I wouldn't want to—I couldn't, you know, not yet, not yet."
"I understand," he said. "Yes, I can, absolutely."
"I get it," he said. "Yeah, I definitely can."
"Well, I want to think about it," she said again. "I prefer so much to be honest about it. I would so much rather just tell mama, and then go and do it. It would be so much nicer. [Pg 596] My life is my own to do with as I please. It doesn't concern anybody, not even mama. You know, if I want to waste it, I may, only I don't think that I am doing so. I want to live as I choose. I don't want to get married yet."
"Well, I want to think about it," she said again. "I really prefer being honest about this. I’d much rather just tell Mom and then go do it. That would be so much nicer. [Pg 596] My life is mine to do with as I wish. It’s nobody else's business, not even Mom’s. You know, if I want to waste it, I can, but I don’t think I am. I want to live my life the way I choose. I’m just not ready to get married yet."
Eugene listened to her with the feeling that this was the most curious experience of his life. He had never heard, never seen, never experienced anything like it. The case of Christina Channing was different. She had her art to consider. Suzanne had nothing of the sort. She had a lovely home, a social future, money, the chance of a happy, stable, normal life. This was love surely, and yet he was quite at sea. Still so many favorable things had happened, consciously favorable, that he was ready to believe that all this was intended for his benefit by a kind, governing providence.
Eugene listened to her, feeling like this was the most unique experience of his life. He had never heard, seen, or experienced anything like it. The situation with Christina Channing was different. She had her art to think about. Suzanne had none of that. She had a beautiful home, a promising future, money, and the chance for a happy, stable, normal life. This was definitely love, yet he felt completely lost. Still, so many positive things had happened—consciously positive—that he was ready to believe all of this was meant for his benefit by a kind, guiding force.
Angela had practically given in already. Why not Suzanne's mother? Angela would not tell her anything. Mrs. Dale was not any stronger than Angela apparently. Suzanne might be able to control her as she said. If she was so determined to try, could he really stop her? She was headstrong in a way and wilful, but developing rapidly and reasoning tremendously. Perhaps she could do this thing. Who could tell? They came flying back along lovely lanes where the trees almost swept their faces, past green stretches of marsh where the wind stirred in ripples the tall green cat grass, past pretty farm yards, with children and ducks in the foreground, beautiful mansions, playing children, sauntering laborers. All the while they were reassuring each other, vowing perfect affection, holding each other close. Suzanne, as Angela had, loved to take Eugene's face between her hands and look into his eyes.
Angela had pretty much given in by now. Why not Suzanne's mom? Angela wasn't going to tell her anything. Mrs. Dale didn’t seem any stronger than Angela, really. Suzanne might be able to handle her, like she said. If she was so determined to give it a shot, could he really stop her? She was stubborn in her own way and headstrong, but she was developing quickly and thinking deeply. Maybe she could pull this off. Who knows? They sped along beautiful roads where the trees nearly brushed their faces, past green marshes where the wind created ripples in the tall cat grass, past charming farmyards with children and ducks in the foreground, stunning mansions, playful kids, and strolling workers. All the while, they were comforting each other, pledging endless affection, holding each other close. Suzanne, like Angela, loved to take Eugene's face in her hands and look into his eyes.
"Look at me," she said once when he had dolefully commented upon the possibility of change. "Look straight into my eyes. What do you see?"
"Look at me," she said once when he had sadly mentioned the chance of change. "Look straight into my eyes. What do you see?"
"Courage and determination," he said.
"Bravery and grit," he said.
"What else?"
"What else is there?"
"Love."
"Love."
"Do you think I will change?"
"Do you think I'll change?"
"No."
"No."
"Surely?"
"Really?"
"No."
"Nope."
"Well, look at me straight, Eugene. I won't. I won't, do you hear? I'm yours until you don't want me anymore. Now will you be happy?"
"Well, look at me directly, Eugene. I won't. I won't, do you hear? I'm yours until you don't want me anymore. Now, will you be happy?"
"Yes," he said.
"Yeah," he said.
"And when we get our studio," she went on.
"And when we get our studio," she continued.
[Pg 597] "When we get our studio," he said, "we'll furnish it perfectly, and entertain a little after a while, maybe. You'll be my lovely Suzanne, my Flower Face, my Myrtle Blossom. Helen, Circe, Dianeme."
[Pg 597] "When we get our studio," he said, "we'll decorate it just right, and maybe entertain a bit down the line. You'll be my beautiful Suzanne, my Flower Face, my Myrtle Blossom. Helen, Circe, Dianeme."
"I'll be your week-end bride," she laughed, "your odd or even girl, whichever way the days fall."
"I'll be your weekend bride," she laughed, "your odd or even girl, depending on how the days line up."
"If it only comes true," he exclaimed when they parted. "If it only does."
"If only it comes true," he said as they parted. "If only it does."
"Wait and see," she said. "Now you wait and see."
"Just wait and see," she said. "Now you just wait and see."
The days passed and Suzanne began what she called her campaign. Her first move was to begin to talk about the marriage question at the dinner table, or whenever she and her mother were alone, and to sound her on this important question, putting her pronouncements on record. Mrs. Dale was one of those empirical thinkers who love to philosophize generally, but who make no specific application of anything to their own affairs. On this marriage question she held most liberal and philosophic views for all outside her own immediate family. It was her idea, outside her own family, of course, that if a girl having reached maturity, and what she considered a sound intellectual majority, and who was not by then satisfied with the condition which matrimony offered, if she loved no man desperately enough to want to marry him and could arrange some way whereby she could satisfy her craving for love without jeopardizing her reputation, that was her lookout. So far as Mrs. Dale was concerned, she had no particular objection. She knew women in society, who, having made unfortunate marriages, or marriages of convenience, sustained some such relationship to men whom they admired. There was a subtle, under the surface understanding outside the society circles of the most rigid morality in regard to this, and there was the fast set, of which she was at times a welcome member, which laughed at the severe conventions of the older school. One must be careful—very. One must not be caught. But, otherwise, well, every person's life was a law unto him or herself.
The days went by, and Suzanne started what she called her campaign. Her first move was to bring up the marriage issue during dinner conversations or whenever she was alone with her mother, trying to gauge her thoughts on this important topic and make her opinions clear. Mrs. Dale was one of those practical thinkers who enjoyed philosophical discussions in general but never applied any of that thinking to her own life. Regarding the marriage issue, she had very liberal and philosophical views for everyone except her own family. She believed that if a girl reached adulthood and what she considered a sound intellectual maturity, and if she wasn't satisfied with what marriage offered, then if she didn't love anyone enough to marry him and could find a way to satisfy her desire for love without ruining her reputation, that was her own choice. As far as Mrs. Dale was concerned, she had no particular objections. She knew women of society who had made unfortunate marriages or marriages of convenience but managed to maintain relationships with men they admired. There was an unspoken understanding outside of the most rigid moral society regarding this, and there was a more carefree crowd, which she occasionally mingled with, that mocked the strict conventions of the older generation. One had to be careful—very careful. One must not get caught. But otherwise, each person's life was their own law.
Suzanne never figured in any of these theories, for Suzanne was a beautiful girl, capable of an exalted alliance, and her daughter. She did not care to marry her off to any wretched possessor of great wealth or title, solely for wealth's or title's sake, but she was hoping that some eligible young man of excellent social standing or wealth, or real personal ability, such, for instance, as Eugene possessed, would come along and marry Suzanne. There would be a grand wedding at a church of some prominence,—St. Bartholomew's, very likely; a splendid wedding [Pg 598] dinner, oceans of presents, a beautiful honeymoon. She used to look at Suzanne and think what a delightful mother she would make. She was so young, robust, vigorous, able, and in a quiet way, passionate. She could tell when she danced how eagerly she took life. The young man would come. It would not be long. These lovely springtimes would do their work one of these days. As it was, there were a score of men already who would have given an eye to attract Suzanne's attention, but Suzanne would none of them. She seemed shy, coy, elusive, but above all, shy. Her mother had no idea of the iron will all this concealed any more than she had of the hard anarchic, unsocial thoughts that were surging in her daughter's brain.
Suzanne never figured into any of these theories, because Suzanne was a beautiful girl, capable of a prestigious marriage, and her mother. She didn't want to marry her off to some miserable rich person or someone with a title just for the sake of wealth or status, but she was hoping that a suitable young man of good social standing, wealth, or real personal talent, like Eugene had, would come along and marry Suzanne. There would be a grand wedding at a well-known church—probably St. Bartholomew's; a lavish wedding dinner, tons of gifts, and a wonderful honeymoon. She would look at Suzanne and think about what a wonderful mother she would make. She was so young, strong, vibrant, capable, and in a quiet way, passionate. You could see how eagerly she embraced life when she danced. The right young man would come. It wouldn't be long. These beautiful spring times would work their magic soon enough. As it was, there were plenty of men who would have done anything to catch Suzanne's eye, but Suzanne wasn't interested in any of them. She seemed shy, coy, elusive, but above all, shy. Her mother had no idea about the strong will that all this hid, nor did she realize the rebellious, antisocial thoughts that were racing through her daughter's mind.
"Do you think a girl ought to marry at all, mama?" Suzanne asked her one evening when they were alone together, "if she doesn't regard marriage as a condition she could endure all her days?"
"Do you think a girl should get married at all, Mom?" Suzanne asked her one evening when they were alone together, "if she doesn't see marriage as something she could put up with for the rest of her life?"
"No-o," replied her mother. "What makes you ask?"
"No," her mother replied. "What makes you ask?"
"Well, you see so much trouble among married people that we know. They're not very happy together. Wouldn't it be better if a person just stayed single, and if they found someone that they could really love, well, they needn't necessarily marry to be happy, need they?"
"Well, you see so much trouble among the married people we know. They're not very happy together. Wouldn't it be better if someone just stayed single? If they found someone they could really love, they don't necessarily have to get married to be happy, do they?"
"What have you been reading lately, Suzanne?" asked her mother, looking up with a touch of surprise in her eyes.
"What have you been reading lately, Suzanne?" her mother asked, looking up with a hint of surprise in her eyes.
"Nothing lately. What makes you ask?" said Suzanne wisely, noting the change in her mother's voice.
"Nothing recently. Why do you ask?" said Suzanne thoughtfully, noticing the shift in her mother's tone.
"With whom have you been talking?"
"Who have you been talking to?"
"Why, what difference does that make, mama? I've heard you express precisely the same views?"
"Why does that matter, Mom? I've heard you say the exact same things."
"Quite so. I may have. But don't you think you're rather young to be thinking of things like that? I don't say all that I think when I'm arguing things philosophically. There are conditions which govern everything. If it were impossible for a girl to marry well, or if looks or lack of money interfered,—there are plenty of reasons—a thing like that might possibly be excusable, but why should you be thinking of that?"
"Exactly. I might have. But don’t you think you’re a bit too young to be considering things like that? I don’t express everything I think when I’m discussing philosophy. There are circumstances that affect everything. If it were impossible for a girl to marry well, or if her looks or lack of money were a hindrance—there are plenty of reasons—then something like that might be understandable, but why are you thinking about it?"
"Why, it doesn't necessarily follow, mama, that because I am good looking, or have a little money, or am socially eligible, that I should want to get married. I may not want to get married at all. I see just as well as you do how things are with most people. Why shouldn't I? Do I have to keep away from every man, then?"
"Why, it doesn't necessarily mean, mom, that just because I'm good looking, have some money, or am socially suitable, I should want to get married. I might not want to get married at all. I can see just as clearly as you can how things are with most people. Why shouldn't I? Do I have to stay away from every guy, then?"
"Why, Suzanne! I never heard you argue like this before. You must have been talking with someone or reading [Pg 599] some outré book of late. I wish you wouldn't. You are too young and too good looking to entertain any such ideas. Why, you can have nearly any young man you wish. Surely you can find someone with whom you can live happily or with whom you would be willing to try. It's time enough to think about the other things when you've tried and failed. At least you can give yourself ample time to learn something about life before you begin to talk such nonsense. You're too young. Why it's ridiculous."
"Wow, Suzanne! I’ve never heard you argue like this before. You must have been talking to someone or reading some bizarre book lately. I wish you wouldn’t. You’re too young and too attractive to entertain those kinds of ideas. Seriously, you can have almost any young man you want. Surely, you can find someone with whom you can be happy or someone you'd be willing to try with. There’s plenty of time to think about other things after you’ve tried and failed. At least give yourself enough time to learn about life before you start talking this nonsense. You're too young. It’s just ridiculous."
"Mama," said Suzanne, with the least touch of temper, "I wish you wouldn't talk to me like that. I'm not a child any more. I'm a woman. I think like a woman—not like a girl. You forget that I have a mind of my own and some thoughts. I may not want to get married. I don't think I do. Certainly not to any of the silly creatures that are running after me now. Why shouldn't I take some man in an independent way, if I wish? Other women have before me. Even if they hadn't, it would be no reason why I shouldn't. My life is my own."
"Mama," said Suzanne, a hint of annoyance in her voice, "I wish you wouldn't talk to me that way. I'm not a child anymore. I'm a woman. I think like a woman—not like a girl. You forget that I have my own mind and opinions. I may not want to get married. I don't think I do. Definitely not to any of the silly guys who are after me right now. Why shouldn't I choose to be with a man on my own terms, if I want to? Other women have done it before me. Even if they hadn't, that wouldn't be a reason for me not to. My life is my own."
"Suzanne Dale!" exclaimed her mother, rising, a thrill of terror passing along her heartstrings. "What are you talking about? Are you basing these ideas on anything I have said in the past? Then certainly my chickens are coming home to roost early. You are in no position to consider whether you want to get married or not. You have seen practically nothing of men. Why should you reach any such conclusions now? For goodness' sake, Suzanne, don't begin so early to meditate on these terrible things. Give yourself a few years in which to see the world. I don't ask you to marry, but you may meet some man whom you could love very much, and who would love you. If you were to go and throw yourself away under some such silly theory as you entertain now, without stopping to see, or waiting for life to show you what it has in store, what will you have to offer him. Suzanne, Suzanne"—Suzanne was turning impatiently to a window—"you frighten me! There isn't, there couldn't be. Oh, Suzanne, I beg of you, be careful what you think, what you say, what you do! I can't know all your thoughts, no mother can, but, oh, if you will stop and think, and wait a while!"
"Suzanne Dale!" her mother exclaimed, standing up, a rush of fear gripping her heart. "What are you talking about? Are you basing these ideas on anything I've said before? Then my chickens are definitely coming home to roost early. You aren't in a position to decide whether you want to get married or not. You hardly know anything about men. Why would you come to such conclusions now? For goodness' sake, Suzanne, don't start thinking about these heavy topics so soon. Give yourself a few years to explore the world. I’m not asking you to marry now, but you might meet someone you could really love, and who would love you back. If you go and throw yourself away based on some silly theory you have right now, without taking the time to see what life has in store for you, what will you have to offer him? Suzanne, Suzanne"—Suzanne was turning impatiently toward the window—"you scare me! There isn't, there couldn't be. Oh, Suzanne, please be careful about what you think, what you say, what you do! I can't know all your thoughts; no mother can, but, oh, if you would just stop and think, and wait a while!"
She looked at Suzanne who walked to a mirror and began to fix a bow in her hair.
She looked at Suzanne, who walked over to a mirror and started to fix a bow in her hair.
"Mama," she said calmly. "Really, you amuse me. When you are out with people at dinner, you talk one way, and when you are here with me, you talk another. I haven't done anything desperate yet. I don't know what I may want to do. [Pg 600] I'm not a child any more, mama. Please remember that. I'm a woman grown, and I certainly can lay out my life for myself. I'm sure I don't want to do what you are doing—talk one thing and do another."
"Mama," she said calmly. "You really do amuse me. When you're out at dinner with people, you talk one way, and when you're here with me, you talk another. I haven't done anything crazy yet. I don't know what I might want to do. [Pg 600] I'm not a kid anymore, mama. Please remember that. I'm a grown woman, and I can definitely figure out my own life. I'm sure I don't want to do what you're doing—saying one thing and doing another."
Mrs. Dale recoiled intensely from this stab. Suzanne had suddenly developed in the line of her argument a note of determination, frank force and serenity of logic which appalled her. Where had the girl got all this? With whom had she been associating? She went over in her mind the girls and men she had met and known. Who were her intimate companions?—Vera Almerding; Lizette Woodworth; Cora TenEyck—a half dozen girls who were smart and clever and socially experienced. Were they talking such things among themselves? Was there some man or men unduly close to them? There was one remedy for all this. It must be acted on quickly if Suzanne were going to fall in with and imbibe any such ideas as these. Travel—two or three years of incessant travel with her, which would cover this dangerous period in which girls were so susceptible to undue influence was the necessary thing. Oh, her own miserable tongue! Her silly ideas! No doubt all she said was true. Generally it was so. But Suzanne! Her Suzanne, never! She would take her away while she had time, to grow older and wiser through experience. Never would she be permitted to stay here where girls and men were talking and advocating any such things. She would scan Suzanne's literature more closely from now on. She would viser her friendships. What a pity that so lovely a girl must be corrupted by such wretched, unsocial, anarchistic notions. Why, what would become of her girl? Where would she be? Dear Heaven!
Mrs. Dale recoiled sharply from this blow. Suzanne had suddenly injected a tone of determination, straightforwardness, and calm logic into her argument that shocked her. Where had the girl gotten all this? Who had she been hanging out with? She mentally reviewed the girls and guys she had met and known. Who were her close friends?—Vera Almerding; Lizette Woodworth; Cora TenEyck—a handful of girls who were smart, sharp, and socially savvy. Were they discussing such things among themselves? Was there some guy or guys too close for comfort? There was one solution to all this. It needed to happen quickly if Suzanne was going to start picking up and adopting ideas like these. Travel—two or three years of non-stop travel with her, which would cover this risky time when girls were so open to outside influences was essential. Oh, her own miserable tongue! Her silly ideas! No doubt everything she said was true. Generally, it was. But Suzanne! Her Suzanne, never! She would take her away while there was still time, to grow older and wiser through experience. She would never be allowed to stay here where girls and guys were discussing and promoting such ideas. She would scrutinize Suzanne's reading materials more closely from now on. She would monitor her friendships. What a shame that such a beautiful girl must be tainted by such horrible, anti-social, anarchistic beliefs. What would happen to her girl? Where would she end up? Dear Heaven!
She looked down in the social abyss yawning at her feet and recoiled with horror.
She looked down into the social void gaping at her feet and pulled back in fear.
Never, never, never! Suzanne should be saved from herself, from all such ideas now and at once.
Never, never, never! Suzanne needs to be saved from herself, from all these ideas right now.
And she began to think how she could introduce the idea of travel easily and nicely. She must lure Suzanne to go without alarming her—without making her think that she was bringing pressure to bear. But from now on there must be a new order established. She must talk differently; she must act differently. Suzanne and all her children must be protected against themselves and others also. That was the lesson which this conversation taught her.
And she started to think about how she could suggest the idea of travel in a smooth and pleasant way. She needed to persuade Suzanne to go without scaring her—without making her feel pressured. But from now on, there had to be a new approach. She needed to communicate differently; she had to behave differently. Suzanne and all her kids had to be safeguarded from themselves and others too. That was the lesson this conversation taught her.
CHAPTER XIII
Eugene and Angela had been quarreling between themselves most bitterly; at other times Angela was attempting to appeal to his sense of justice and fair play, if not his old-time affection, in the subtlest of ways. She was completely thrown out of her old methods of calculation, and having lost those had really no traditions on which to proceed. Eugene had always heretofore apparently feared her wrath; now he cared nothing for that. He had been subject, in times past, to a certain extent to those alluring blandishments which the married will understand well enough, but these were as ashes. Her charms meant nothing to him. She had hoped that the thought of a coming child would move him, but no, it was apparently without avail. Suzanne seemed a monster to her now since she did not desert him, and Eugene a raving maniac almost, and yet she could see how human and natural it all was. He was hypnotized, possessed. He had one thought, Suzanne, Suzanne, and he would fight her at every turn for that. He told her so. He told her of her letter to Suzanne, and the fact that he had read and destroyed it. It did not help her cause at all. She knew that she had decried him. He stood his ground solidly, awaiting the will of Suzanne, and he saw Suzanne frequently, telling her that he had won completely, and that the fulfilment of their desires now depended upon her.
Eugene and Angela had been arguing with each other intensely; at other times Angela tried to appeal to his sense of justice and fairness, if not to his old affection, in the most subtle ways. She was completely thrown off her usual ways of thinking, and having lost those, she had no traditions to rely on. Eugene had always seemed to fear her anger before; now he didn’t care at all. In the past, he had been somewhat susceptible to the enticing charms that married people understand well, but those feelings were now just dust. Her attractiveness meant nothing to him. She had hoped that the idea of an upcoming child would touch him, but it clearly didn’t work. Suzanne now felt like a monster to her for not abandoning him, and Eugene seemed almost completely irrational, yet she saw how human and natural all of this was. He was obsessed, consumed by one thought: Suzanne, Suzanne, and he would resist her at every turn for that. He told her this. He mentioned her letter to Suzanne and how he had read it and destroyed it. This didn’t help her situation at all. She knew she had criticized him. He stood firm, waiting for Suzanne’s decision, and he saw Suzanne often, telling her that he had completely won, and that the fulfillment of their desires now depended on her.
As has been said, Suzanne was not without passion. The longer she associated with Eugene, the more eager she became for that joyous fulfilment which his words, his looks, his emotions indicated. In her foolish, girlish way, she had built up a fancy which was capable of realization only by the most ruthless and desperate conduct. Her theory of telling her mother and overcoming her by argument or defiance was really vain, for it could not be settled so easily, or so quickly. Because of her mother's appeal to her in this first conversation, she fancied she had won a substantial victory. Her mother was subject to her control and could not defeat her in argument. By the latter token she felt she was certain to win. Besides, she was counting heavily on her mother's regard for Eugene and her deep affection for herself. Hitherto, her mother had really refused her nothing.
As mentioned, Suzanne was full of passion. The more time she spent with Eugene, the more she craved the joyful fulfillment that his words, looks, and emotions suggested. In her naive, youthful way, she had created a fantasy that could only be realized through the most ruthless and desperate actions. Her plan to tell her mother and win her over through discussion or defiance was actually misguided, as it couldn't be resolved so easily or quickly. Because of her mother’s emotional appeal during their first conversation, she thought she had achieved a significant victory. She believed her mother was under her influence and couldn’t outsmart her in a debate. With this confidence, she felt she was bound to succeed. Furthermore, she was heavily relying on her mother's fondness for Eugene and her deep love for her. Until now, her mother had really never denied her anything.
[Pg 602] The fact that Eugene did not take her outright at this time,—postponing until a more imperative occasion an adjustment of the difficulties which must necessarily flow from their attempted union without marriage—was due to the fact that he was not as desperate or as courageous as he appeared to be. He wanted her, but he was a little afraid of Suzanne herself. She was doubtful, anxious to wait, anxious to plan things her own way. He was not truly ruthless ever, but good natured and easy going. He was no subtle schemer and planner, but rather an easy natured soul, who drifted here and there with all the tides and favorable or unfavorable winds of circumstance. He might have been ruthless if he had been eager enough for any one particular thing on this earth, money, fame, affection, but at bottom, he really did not care as much as he thought he did. Anything was really worth fighting for if you had to have it, but it was not worth fighting for to the bitter end, if you could possibly get along without it. Besides, there was nothing really one could not do without, if one were obliged. He might long intensely, but he could survive. He was more absorbed in this desire than in anything else in his history, but he was not willing to be hard and grasping.
[Pg 602] The fact that Eugene didn't go after her right away—delaying a resolution to the challenges that came from their attempt to be together without marriage—was because he wasn't as desperate or brave as he seemed. He wanted her, but he was somewhat afraid of Suzanne herself. She was uncertain, eager to wait, and wanted to plan things her own way. He was never truly ruthless, but was good-natured and easygoing. He wasn't a clever strategist or planner; rather, he was an easygoing person who flowed with the tides and the ups and downs of circumstances. He might have been ruthless if he had cared deeply about something specific in this world—like money, fame, or affection—but deep down, he really didn't care as much as he thought he did. Anything was worth fighting for if you needed it, but it wasn't worth a bitter battle if you could manage without it. Besides, there wasn't really anything you couldn't do without if you had to. He might yearn intensely, but he would survive. He was more focused on this desire than anything else in his life, but he wasn't willing to be harsh and greedy.
On the other hand, Suzanne was willing to be taken, but needed to be pressed or compelled. She imagined in a vague way that she wanted to wait and adjust things in her own way, but she was merely dreaming, procrastinating because he was procrastinating. If he had but compelled her at once she would have been happy, but he was sadly in need of that desperate energy that acts first and thinks afterward. Like Hamlet, he was too fond of cogitating, too anxious to seek the less desperate way, and in doing this was jeopardizing that ideal bliss for which he was willing to toss away all the material advantages which he had thus far gained.
On the other hand, Suzanne was open to being taken, but she needed a push or some encouragement. She vaguely thought she wanted to take her time and handle things in her own way, but she was just daydreaming, putting things off because he was doing the same. If he had just taken charge right away, she would have been happy, but he unfortunately lacked that urgent energy that acts first and thinks later. Like Hamlet, he was too caught up in overthinking, too eager to find an easier path, and by doing this, he was risking that ideal happiness for which he was willing to give up all the advantages he had gained so far.
When Mrs. Dale quite casually within a few days began to suggest that they leave New York for the fall and winter, she, Suzanne and Kinroy, and visit first England, then Southern France and then Egypt, Suzanne immediately detected something intentional about it, or at best a very malicious plan on the part of fate to destroy her happiness. She had been conjecturing how, temporarily, she could avoid distant and long drawn out engagements which her mother not infrequently accepted for herself and Suzanne outside New York, but she had not formulated a plan. Mrs. Dale was very popular and much liked. This easy suggestion, made with considerable assurance by her mother, and as though it would be just the thing, frightened [Pg 603] and then irritated Suzanne. Why should her mother think of it just at this time?
When Mrs. Dale casually started suggesting a few days later that they leave New York for the fall and winter, traveling first to England, then Southern France, and finally Egypt, Suzanne immediately sensed something deliberate about it, or at the very least, a cruel twist of fate aimed at ruining her happiness. She had been thinking about how she could temporarily dodge the long and distant commitments her mother often took on for herself and Suzanne outside of New York, but she hadn't come up with a plan yet. Mrs. Dale was very popular and well-liked. This confident suggestion from her mother, as if it was the perfect idea, scared and then annoyed Suzanne. Why was her mother bringing this up right now?
"I don't want to go to Europe," she said warily. "We were over there only three years ago. I'd rather stay over here this winter and see what's going on in New York."
"I don't want to go to Europe," she said cautiously. "We were there just three years ago. I'd prefer to stay here this winter and see what's happening in New York."
"But this trip will be so delightful, Suzanne," her mother insisted. "The Camerons are to be at Callendar in Scotland for the fall. They have taken a cottage there. I had a note from Louise, Tuesday. I thought we might run up there and see them and then go to the Isle of Wight."
"But this trip is going to be so amazing, Suzanne," her mom insisted. "The Camerons are going to be at Callendar in Scotland for the fall. They've rented a cottage there. I got a note from Louise on Tuesday. I thought we could head up there to see them and then go to the Isle of Wight."
"I don't care to go, mama," replied Suzanne determinedly. "We're settled here comfortably. Why do you always want to be running off somewhere?"
"I don't want to go, mom," Suzanne replied firmly. "We're comfortable here. Why do you always want to be going somewhere?"
"Why, I'm not running—how you talk, Suzanne! I never heard you object very much to going anywhere before. I should think Egypt and the Riviera would interest you very much. You haven't been to either of these places."
"Come on, I'm not running away—what are you talking about, Suzanne! I never heard you complain about going anywhere before. I would think Egypt and the Riviera would really interest you. You haven't been to either of those places."
"I know they're delightful, but I don't care to go this fall. I'd rather stay here. Why should you suddenly decide that you want to go away for a year?"
"I know they're fun, but I don't want to go this fall. I'd rather stay here. Why do you suddenly want to leave for a year?"
"I haven't suddenly decided," insisted her mother. "I've been thinking of it for some time, as you know. Haven't I said that we would spend a winter in Europe soon? The last time I mentioned it, you were very keen for it."
"I haven't suddenly decided," her mother insisted. "I've been thinking about it for a while, as you know. Haven't I said that we would spend a winter in Europe soon? The last time I brought it up, you were really excited about it."
"Oh, I know, mama, but that was nearly a year ago. I don't want to go now. I would rather stay here."
"Oh, I know, mom, but that was almost a year ago. I don't want to go now. I’d rather stay here."
"Why would you? More of your friends go away than remain. I think a particularly large number of them are going this winter."
"Why would you? More of your friends leave than stay. I think a lot of them are leaving this winter."
"Ha! Ha! Ho! Ho!" laughed Suzanne. "A particularly large number. How you exaggerate, mama, when you want anything. You always amuse me. It's a particularly large number now, just because you want to go," and she laughed again.
"Ha! Ha! Ho! Ho!" laughed Suzanne. "That's a really big number. You always exaggerate, mom, when you want something. You crack me up. It's a really big number now, only because you want to go," and she laughed again.
Suzanne's defiance irritated her mother. Why should she suddenly take this notion to stay here? It must be this group of girls she was in with, and yet, Suzanne appeared to have so few intimate girl friends. The Almerdings were not going to stay in town all the winter. They were here now because of a fire at their country place, but it would only be for a little while. Neither were the TenEycks. It couldn't be that Suzanne was interested in some man. The only person she cared much about was Eugene Witla, and he was married and only friendly in a brotherly, guardian-like way.
Suzanne's defiance frustrated her mother. Why was she suddenly so set on staying here? It must be because of that group of girls she hung out with, but Suzanne seemed to have so few close friends. The Almerdings weren't going to be in town all winter. They were here now because of a fire at their place in the country, but it would only be for a short time. The same went for the TenEycks. It couldn't be that Suzanne was interested in some guy. The only person she really cared about was Eugene Witla, and he was married and only treated her like a brother or guardian.
[Pg 604] "Now, Suzanne," she said determinedly, "I'm not going to have you talk nonsense. This trip will be a delightful thing for you once you have started. It's useless for you to let a silly notion like not wanting to go stand in your way. You are just at the time when you ought to travel. Now you had better begin to prepare yourself, for we're going."
[Pg 604] "Now, Suzanne," she said firmly, "I'm not going to let you talk nonsense. This trip will be an enjoyable experience for you once you get started. There's no point in letting a silly idea like not wanting to go hold you back. You're at the perfect time in your life to travel. So you better start getting ready, because we’re going."
"Oh, no, I'm not, mama," said Suzanne. "Why, you talk as though I were a very little girl. I don't want to go this fall and I'm not going. You may go if you want to, but I'm not going."
"Oh, no, I'm not, Mom," said Suzanne. "Why do you talk like I'm a little kid? I don't want to go this fall, and I'm not going. You can go if you want, but I'm not going."
"Why, Suzanne Dale!" exclaimed her mother. "Whatever has come over you? Of course you'll go. Where would you stay if I went? Do you think I would walk off and leave you? Have I ever before?"
"Why, Suzanne Dale!" her mother exclaimed. "What’s gotten into you? Of course you’re going. Where would you stay if I left? Do you think I would just walk away and leave you? Have I ever done that before?"
"You did when I was at boarding school," interrupted Suzanne.
"You did when I was at boarding school," Suzanne interrupted.
"That was a different matter. Then you were under proper supervision. Mrs. Hill was answerable to me for your care. Here you would be alone. What do you think I would be doing?"
"That was a different situation. Back then, you were under proper supervision. Mrs. Hill was responsible to me for your care. Here, you would be on your own. What do you think I would be doing?"
"There you go, mama, talking as though I was a little girl again. Will you please remember that I am nearly nineteen? I know how to look after myself. Besides, there are plenty of people with whom I might stay if I chose."
"There you go, Mom, talking like I'm a little girl again. Can you please remember that I'm almost nineteen? I can take care of myself. Besides, there are plenty of people I could stay with if I wanted to."
"Suzanne Dale, you talk like one possessed. I'll listen to nothing of the sort. You are my daughter, and as such, subject to my guardianship. Of what are you thinking? What have you been reading? There's some silly thing at the bottom of all this. I'll not go away and leave you and you will come with me. I should think that after all these years of devotion on my part, you would take my feelings into consideration. How can you stand there and argue with me in this way?"
"Suzanne Dale, you're talking like you're out of your mind. I won't listen to any of that. You are my daughter, and that means you're under my care. What are you thinking? What have you been reading? There's something ridiculous behind all this. I'm not going anywhere and you'll come with me. After all these years I've devoted to you, I would think you'd consider my feelings. How can you just stand there and argue with me like this?"
"Arguing, mama?" asked Suzanne loftily. "I'm not arguing. I'm just not going. I have my reasons for not wanting to go, and I'm not going, that's all! Now you may go if you want to."
"Arguing, Mom?" Suzanne said haughtily. "I'm not arguing. I'm just not going. I have my reasons for not wanting to go, and I'm not going, that's it! Now you can go if you want."
Mrs. Dale looked into Suzanne's eyes and saw for the first time a gleam of real defiance in them. What had brought this about? Why was her daughter so set—of a sudden, so stubborn and hard? Fear, anger, astonishment, mingled equally in her feelings.
Mrs. Dale looked into Suzanne's eyes and saw, for the first time, a spark of true defiance in them. What caused this? Why was her daughter so determined—suddenly, so stubborn and unyielding? Fear, anger, and astonishment all mixed together in her feelings.
"What do you mean by reasons?" asked her mother. "What reasons have you?"
"What do you mean by reasons?" her mother asked. "What reasons do you have?"
[Pg 605] "A very good one," said Suzanne quietly, twisting it to the singular.
[Pg 605] "Really good," said Suzanne softly, changing it to the singular.
"Well, what is it then, pray?"
"Okay, so what is it?"
Suzanne debated swiftly and yet a little vaguely in her own mind. She had hoped for a longer process of philosophic discussion in which to entrap her mother into some moral and intellectual position from which she could not well recede, and by reason of which she would have to grant her the license she desired. From one remark and another dropped in this and the preceding conversation, she realized that her mother had no logical arrangement in her mind whereby she included her in her philosophical calculations at all. She might favor any and every theory and conclusion under the sun, but it would mean nothing in connection with Suzanne. The only thing that remained, therefore, was to defy her, or run away, and Suzanne did not want to do the latter. She was of age. She could adjust her own affairs. She had money. Her mental point of view was as good and sound as her mother's. As a matter of fact, the latter's attitude, in view of Suzanne's recent experience and feelings, seemed weak and futile. What did her mother know of life any more than she? They were both in the world, and Suzanne felt herself to be the stronger—the sounder of the two. Why not tell her now and defy her. She would win. She must. She could dominate her mother, and this was the time to do it.
Suzanne thought quickly but somewhat vaguely in her mind. She had wanted a longer philosophical discussion to corner her mother into a moral and intellectual stance that she couldn't easily back away from, which would force her to give Suzanne the freedom she wanted. From various comments made in this and the previous conversation, she realized that her mother had no logical framework that included her in any of her philosophical considerations. Her mother might support any and every theory under the sun, but it didn't mean anything in relation to Suzanne. The only options left were to confront her or escape, and Suzanne didn’t want to choose the latter. She was an adult. She could manage her own affairs. She had money. Her perspective was just as valid and solid as her mother's. In fact, her mother's attitude, considering Suzanne's recent experiences and emotions, seemed weak and pointless. What did her mother know about life any more than she did? They were both in the world, and Suzanne felt she was the stronger—the more reasonable of the two. Why not tell her now and challenge her? She would win. She had to. She could take charge of her mother, and now was the time to do it.
"Because I want to stay near the man I love," she finally volunteered quietly.
"Because I want to stay close to the man I love," she finally said quietly.
Mrs. Dale's hand, which had been elevated to a position of gesticulation before her, dropped limp, involuntarily, to her side. Her mouth opened the least bit. She stared in a surprised, anguished, semi-foolish way.
Mrs. Dale's hand, which had been raised in a gesture in front of her, fell weakly to her side. Her mouth opened slightly. She stared in a surprised, pained, somewhat foolish manner.
"The man you love, Suzanne?" she asked, swept completely from her moorings, and lost upon a boundless sea. "Who is he?"
"The guy you love, Suzanne?" she asked, feeling completely unmoored and lost in an endless sea. "Who is he?"
"Mr. Witla, mama—Eugene. I love him and he loves me. Don't stare, mama. Mrs. Witla knows. She is willing that we should have each other. We love each other. I am going to stay here where I can be near him. He needs me."
"Mr. Witla, Mom—Eugene. I love him and he loves me. Don't stare, Mom. Mrs. Witla knows. She is okay with us being together. We love each other. I'm going to stay here so I can be close to him. He needs me."
"Eugene Witla!" exclaimed her mother, breathless, a look of horror in her eyes, cold fright in her tense hands. "You love Eugene Witla? a married man! He loves you! Are you talking to me? Eugene Witla!! You love him! Why I can't believe this. I'm not in my right mind. Suzanne Dale, don't stand there! Don't look at me like that! Are you telling me, your mother? Tell me it isn't so! Tell me it isn't so before [Pg 606] you drive me mad! Oh, great Heavens, what am I coming to? What have I done? Eugene Witla of all men! Oh, God, oh, God, oh, God!"
"Eugene Witla!" her mother gasped, her eyes filled with horror, her hands shaking with fear. "You love Eugene Witla? A married man! He loves you! Are you serious? Eugene Witla!! You love him! I can't believe this. I'm losing my mind. Suzanne Dale, don’t just stand there! Don’t look at me like that! Are you really telling me this, your mother? Please, tell me it’s not true! Tell me it’s not true before you drive me insane! Oh my goodness, what’s happening to me? What have I done? Eugene Witla of all people! Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God!"
"Why do you carry on so, mama?" asked Suzanne calmly. She had expected some such scene as this—not quite so intense, so hysterical, but something like it, and was, in a way, prepared for it. A selfish love was her animating, governing impulse—a love also that stilled self, and put aside as nothing all the world and its rules. Suzanne really did not know what she was doing. She was hypnotized by the sense of perfection in her lover, the beauty of their love. Not practical facts but the beauty of the summer, the feel of cool winds, the glory of skies and sunlight and moonlight, were in her mind. Eugene's arms about her, his lips to hers, meant more than all the world beside. "I love him. Of course, I love him. What is there so strange about that?"
"Why are you acting like this, Mom?" asked Suzanne calmly. She had anticipated a scene like this—not quite so intense, not so hysterical, but something along those lines, and she was somewhat ready for it. A selfish love was her driving force—a love that quieted her self and dismissed everything else in the world and its rules. Suzanne truly didn't know what she was doing. She was captivated by the perfection of her partner, the beauty of their love. Not practical matters, but the beauty of summer, the feel of cool breezes, the splendor of the skies, sunlight, and moonlight filled her thoughts. Eugene’s arms around her, his lips on hers, meant more than anything else in the world. "I love him. Of course, I love him. What’s so strange about that?"
"What is strange? Are you in your right mind? Oh, my poor, dear little girl! My Suzanne! Oh, that villain! That scoundrel! To come into my house and make love to you, my darling child! How should you know? How could I expect you to understand? Oh, Suzanne! for my sake, for the love of Heaven, hush! Never breathe it! Never say that terrible thing to me again! Oh, dear! Oh, dear! Oh, dear!!! That I should live to see this! My child! My Suzanne! My lovely, beautiful Suzanne! I shall die unless I can stop this! I shall die! I shall die!"
"What’s going on? Are you thinking clearly? Oh, my poor, sweet girl! My Suzanne! Oh, that villain! That jerk! To come into my house and make advances on you, my precious child! How would you know? How could I expect you to understand? Oh, Suzanne! For my sake, for the love of God, please be quiet! Don’t ever say that dreadful thing to me again! Oh, no! Oh, no! Oh, no!!! That I should live to see this! My child! My Suzanne! My lovely, beautiful Suzanne! I’ll die if I can’t stop this! I’ll die! I’ll die!"
Suzanne stared at her mother quite astonished at the violent emotion into which she had cast her. Her pretty eyes were open wide, her eyebrows elevated, her lips parted sweetly. She was a picture of intense classic beauty, chiseled, peaceful, self-possessed. Her brow was as smooth as marble, her lips as arched as though they had never known one emotion outside joy. Her look was of a quizzical, slightly amused, but not supercilious character which made her more striking than ever if possible.
Suzanne looked at her mother, shocked by the intense emotion she had stirred within her. Her beautiful eyes were wide open, her eyebrows raised, and her lips slightly parted. She was a stunning example of classic beauty—sculpted, calm, and composed. Her forehead was as smooth as marble, and her lips curved as if they had only ever experienced happiness. The expression on her face was a mix of curiosity and mild amusement, which somehow made her even more captivating.
"Why, mama! You think I am a child, don't you? All that I say to you is true. I love Eugene. He loves me. I am going to live with him as soon as it can be quietly arranged. I wanted to tell you because I don't want to do anything secretly, but I propose to do it. I wish you wouldn't insist on looking on me as a baby, mama. I know what I am doing. I have thought it all out this long time."
"Why, Mom! You think I’m just a kid, don’t you? Everything I’m saying is true. I love Eugene. He loves me. I’m going to live with him as soon as we can set things up quietly. I wanted to tell you because I don’t want to hide anything, but I plan to go through with it. I wish you wouldn’t keep thinking of me as a baby, Mom. I know what I’m doing. I’ve thought it all through for a long time."
"Thought it all out!" pondered Mrs. Dale. "Going to live with him when it can be arranged! Is she talking of living with a man without a wedding ceremony being performed? [Pg 607] With a man already married! Is the child stark mad? Something has turned her brain. Surely something has. This is not my Suzanne—my dear, lovely, entrancing Suzanne."
"She thought it all through!" Mrs. Dale reflected. "She's going to live with him when they can set it up! Is she really talking about living with a guy without any wedding ceremony? [Pg 607] With a man who's already married! Is she completely out of her mind? Something must have messed with her head. It can't be my Suzanne—my sweet, beautiful, captivating Suzanne."
To Suzanne she exclaimed aloud:
She shouted to Suzanne:
"Are you talking of living with this, with this, oh, I don't dare to name him. I'll die if I don't get this matter straightened out; of living without a marriage ceremony and without his being divorced? I can't believe that I am awake. I can't! I can't!"
"Are you saying I have to deal with this, with him, oh, I can't even say his name. I’ll die if I don’t figure this out; living without a wedding and without him being divorced? I can’t believe this is real. I can’t! I can’t!"
"Certainly I am," replied Suzanne. "It is all arranged between us. Mrs. Witla knows. She has given her consent. I expect you to give yours, if you desire me to stay here, mama."
"Absolutely, I am," replied Suzanne. "Everything is set between us. Mrs. Witla knows. She has given her approval. I expect you to give yours if you want me to stay here, Mom."
"Give my consent! As God is my witness! Am I alive? Is this my daughter talking to me? Am I in this room here with you? I." She stopped, her mouth wide open. "If it weren't so horribly tragic, I should laugh. I will! I will become hysterical! My brain is whirling like a wheel now. Suzanne Dale, you are insane. You are madly, foolishly insane. If you do not hush and cease this terrible palaver, I will have you locked up. I will have an inquiry made into your sanity. This is the wildest, most horrible, most unimaginable thing ever proposed to a mother. To think that I should have lived with you eighteen long years, carried you in my arms, nursed you at my breast and then have you stand here and tell me that you will go and live unsanctioned with a man who has a good true woman now living as his wife. This is the most astounding thing I have ever heard of. It is unbelievable. You will not do it. You will no more do it than you will fly. I will kill him! I will kill you! I would rather see you dead at my feet this minute than to even think that you could have stood there and proposed such a thing to me. It will never be! It will never be! I will give you poison first. I will do anything, everything, but you shall never see this man again. If he dares to cross this threshold, I will kill him at sight. I love you. I think you are a wonderful girl, but this thing shall never be. And don't you dare to attempt to dissuade me. I will kill you, I tell you. I would rather see you dead a thousand times. To think! To think! To think! Oh, that beast! That villain! that unconscionable cur! To think that he should come into my house after all my courtesy to him and do this thing to me. Wait! He has position, he has distinction. I will drive him out of New York. I will ruin him. I will make it impossible for him to show his face among decent people. Wait and see!"
"Give me my consent! As God is my witness! Am I alive? Is this my daughter talking to me? Am I really in this room with you? I." She paused, her mouth hanging open. "If it weren’t so tragically ridiculous, I’d laugh. I will! I will go crazy! My mind is spinning like a whirlwind right now. Suzanne Dale, you are insane. You are completely mad. If you don’t stop this awful talk, I will have you locked up. I will demand a sanity check on you. This is the wildest, most horrible, most unimaginable thing ever suggested to a mother. To think that I’ve lived with you for eighteen long years, held you in my arms, nursed you at my breast, and now you stand here telling me you want to go and live with a man who’s already married to a good woman. This is the most shocking thing I’ve ever heard. It’s unbelievable. You will not do it. You will no more do it than you will fly. I will kill him! I will kill you! I’d rather see you dead right here than even entertain the thought that you could’ve suggested such a thing to me. It will never happen! It will never happen! I’d rather poison you first. I will do anything and everything to make sure you never see this man again. If he dares to step foot in this house, I will kill him on sight. I love you. I think you’re a wonderful girl, but this will never happen. And don’t you dare try to change my mind. I will kill you, I swear. I would rather see you dead a thousand times. To think! To think! To think! Oh, that beast! That villain! That despicable scoundrel! To think that he could come into my house after all the kindness I’ve shown him and do this to me. Wait! He has status, he has reputation. I will drive him out of New York. I will ruin him. I will make it impossible for him to show his face among decent people. Just wait and see!"
[Pg 608] Her face was white, her hands clenched, her teeth set. She had a keen, savage beauty, much like that of a tigress when it shows its teeth. Her eyes were hard and cruel and flashing. Suzanne had never imagined her mother capable of such a burst of rage as this.
[Pg 608] Her face was pale, her hands clenched, her teeth gritted. She had a fierce, wild beauty, similar to that of a tigress baring its teeth. Her eyes were hard, cruel, and intense. Suzanne had never dreamed her mother could unleash such a display of anger.
"Why, mama," she said calmly and quite unmoved, "you talk as though you ruled my life completely. You would like to make me feel, I suppose, that I do not dare to do what I choose. I do, mama. My life is my own, not yours. You cannot frighten me. I have made up my mind what I am going to do in this matter, and I am going to do it. You cannot stop me. You might as well not try. If I don't do it now, I will later. I love Eugene. I am going to live with him. If you won't let me I will go away, but I propose to live with him, and you might as well stop now trying to frighten me, for you can't."
"Why, Mom," she said calmly and completely unaffected, "you talk as if you control my life entirely. You want me to feel like I don't have the right to do what I want. But I do, Mom. My life is mine, not yours. You can't intimidate me. I've decided what I’m going to do about this, and I'm going to do it. You can't stop me. You might as well not even try. If I don't do it now, I will later. I love Eugene. I'm going to live with him. If you won't let me, I’ll leave, but I plan to live with him, and you might as well give up trying to scare me, because you can't."
"Frighten you! Frighten you! Suzanne Dale, you haven't the faintest, weakest conception of what you are talking about, or of what I mean to do. If a breath of this—the faintest intimation of your intention were to get abroad, you would be socially ostracized. Do you realize that you would not have a friend left in the world—that all the people you now know and are friendly with would go across the street to avoid you? If you didn't have independent means, you couldn't even get a position in an ordinary shop. Going to live with him? You are going to die first, right here in my charge and in my arms. I love you too much not to kill you. I would a thousand times rather die with you myself. You are not going to see that man any more, not once, and if he dares to show his face here, I will kill him. I have said it. I mean it. Now you provoke me to action if you dare."
"Scare you! Scare you! Suzanne Dale, you don't have the slightest clue about what you're talking about or what I plan to do. If anyone hears even a whisper of this—any hint of what you're thinking—you would be completely ostracized. Do you understand that you wouldn't have a single friend left in the world—that everyone you know and are friendly with would cross the street to avoid you? If you didn't have your own money, you wouldn't even be able to get a job in a regular store. Living with him? You’re going to die first, right here in my care and in my arms. I love you too much to let you go. I’d choose to die alongside you a thousand times over. You're not going to see that man again, not even once, and if he dares to come here, I’ll kill him. I've said it. I mean it. Now you’re provoking me to take action if you dare."
Suzanne merely smiled. "How you talk, mama. You make me laugh."
Suzanne just smiled. "The way you talk, Mom. You make me laugh."
Mrs. Dale stared.
Mrs. Dale was staring.
"Oh, Suzanne! Suzanne!" she suddenly exclaimed. "Before it is too late, before I learn to hate you, before you break my heart, come to my arms and tell me that you are sorry—that it is all over—that it is all a vile, dark, hateful dream. Oh, my Suzanne! My Suzanne!"
"Oh, Suzanne! Suzanne!" she suddenly exclaimed. "Before it's too late, before I start to hate you, before you break my heart, come into my arms and tell me that you're sorry—that it's all over—that it was just a terrible, dark, hateful nightmare. Oh, my Suzanne! My Suzanne!"
"No, mama, no. Don't come near, don't touch me," said Suzanne, drawing back. "You haven't any idea of what you are talking about, of what I am, or what I mean to do. You don't understand me. You never did, mama. You have always looked down on me in some superior way as though you [Pg 609] knew a great deal and I very little. It isn't that way at all. It isn't true. I know what I am about. I know what I am doing. I love Mr. Witla, and I am going to live with him. Mrs. Witla understands. She knows how it is. You will. I don't care anything at all about what people think. I don't care what any society friends do. They are not making my life. They are all just as narrow and selfish as they can be, anyhow. Love is something different from that. You don't understand me. I love Eugene, and he is going to have me, and I am going to have him. If you want to try to wreck my life and his, you may, but it won't make any difference. I will have him, anyhow. We might just as well quit talking about it now."
"No, Mom, no. Don't come near, don't touch me," said Suzanne, pulling away. "You have no idea what you're talking about, who I am, or what I plan to do. You don’t understand me. You never have, Mom. You've always looked down on me like you know everything and I know very little. That’s not how it is. It's not true. I know what I'm doing. I love Mr. Witla, and I'm going to live with him. Mrs. Witla gets it. She knows how it is. You will too. I don't care at all about what people think. I don’t care what any of our society friends do. They’re not the ones living my life. They’re all just as narrow-minded and selfish as can be, anyway. Love is different from that. You don't understand me. I love Eugene, and he’s going to be with me, and I’m going to be with him. If you want to try to ruin my life and his, go ahead, but it won't change anything. I will be with him, anyway. We might as well stop talking about it now."
"Quit talking about it? Quit talking about it? Indeed, I haven't even begun talking yet. I am just trying to collect my wits, that's all. You are raging in insanity. This thing will never be. It will nev-er be. You are just a poor, deluded slip of girl, whom I have failed to watch sufficiently. From now on, I will do my duty by you, if God spares me. You need me. Oh, how you need me. Poor little Suzanne!"
"Stop talking about it? Stop talking about it? Honestly, I haven't even started yet. I'm just trying to gather my thoughts, that's all. You're freaking out. This thing will never happen. It will ne-ver happen. You’re just a misguided young girl whom I haven't kept an eye on enough. From now on, I'll do what I need to do for you, if God allows it. You need me. Oh, how much you need me. Poor little Suzanne!"
"Oh, hush, mama! Stop the hysteria," interrupted Suzanne.
"Oh, come on, mom! Calm down," interrupted Suzanne.
"I will call up Mr. Colfax. I will call up Mr. Winfield. I will have him discharged. I will expose him in the newspapers. The scoundrel, the villain, the thief! Oh, that I should have lived to see this day. That I should have lived to have seen this day!"
"I will call Mr. Colfax. I will call Mr. Winfield. I will have him fired. I will expose him in the news. The scoundrel, the villain, the thief! Oh, that I should have lived to see this day. That I should have lived to have seen this day!"
"That's right, mama," said Suzanne, wearily. "Go on. You are just talking, you know, and I know that you are. You cannot change me. Talking cannot. It is silly to rave like this, I think. Why won't you be quiet? We may talk, but needn't scream."
"That's right, mom," Suzanne said, tiredly. "Go on. You’re just talking, you know, and I know that you are. You can't change me. Talking can’t. It seems silly to go on like this, I think. Why won't you just be quiet? We can talk, but we don't have to yell."
Mrs. Dale put her hands to her temples. Her brain seemed to be whirling.
Mrs. Dale pressed her hands against her temples. Her mind felt like it was spinning.
"Never mind, now," she said. "Never mind. I must have time to think. But this thing you are thinking will never be. It never will be. Oh! Oh!" and she turned sobbing to the window.
"Forget it for now," she said. "Forget it. I need time to think. But what you're imagining will never happen. It just won't. Oh! Oh!" And she turned, crying, to the window.
Suzanne merely stared. What a peculiar thing emotions were in people—their emotions over morals. Here was her mother, weeping, and she was looking upon the thing her mother was crying about as the most essential and delightful and desirable thing. Certainly life was revealing itself to her rapidly these days. Did she really love Eugene so much? Yes, yes, yes, indeed. A thousand times yes. This was not a tearful emotion for her, but a great, consuming, embracing joy.
Suzanne just stared. Emotions really were strange in people—their feelings about morals. Here was her mother, crying, while Suzanne saw what her mother was weeping over as the most important, wonderful, and desirable thing. Life was definitely unfolding quickly for her these days. Did she truly love Eugene that much? Yes, yes, yes, absolutely. This wasn’t a tearful emotion for her; it was a huge, consuming, joyful embrace.
CHAPTER XIV
For hours that night, until one, two, and three o'clock in the morning; from five, six and seven on until noon and night of the next day, and the next day after that and the fourth day and the fifth day, the storm continued. It was a terrible, siege, heart burning, heart breaking, brain racking; Mrs. Dale lost weight rapidly. The color left her cheeks, a haggard look settled in her eyes. She was terrified, nonplussed, driven to extremities for means wherewith to overcome Suzanne's opposition and suddenly but terribly developed will. No one would have dreamed that this quiet, sweet-mannered, introspective girl could be so positive, convinced and unbending when in action. She was as a fluid body that has become adamant. She was a creature made of iron, a girl with a heart of stone; nothing moved her—her mother's tears, her threats of social ostracism, of final destruction, of physical and moral destruction for Eugene and herself, her threats of public exposure in the newspapers, of incarceration in an asylum. Suzanne had watched her mother a long time and concluded that she loved to talk imposingly in an easy, philosophic, at times pompous, way, but that really there was very little in what she said. She did not believe that her mother had true courage—that she would risk incarcerating her in an asylum, or exposing Eugene to her own disadvantage, let alone poisoning or killing her. Her mother loved her. She would rage terribly for a time this way, then she would give in. It was Suzanne's plan to wear her down, to stand her ground firmly until her mother wearied and broke under the strain. Then she would begin to say a few words for Eugene, and eventually by much arguing and blustering, her mother would come round. Eugene would be admitted to the family councils again. He and Suzanne would argue it all out together in her mother's presence. They would probably agree to disagree in a secret way, but she would get Eugene and he her. Oh, the wonder of that joyous dénouement. It was so near now, and all for a little courageous fighting. She would fight, fight until her mother broke, and then—Oh, Eugene, Eugene!
For hours that night, until one, two, and three in the morning; from five, six, and seven on until noon and night of the next day, and the day after that, and the fourth day and the fifth day, the storm kept going. It was a terrible siege, heartburning, heartbreaking, brain-racking; Mrs. Dale lost weight quickly. The color drained from her cheeks, and a worn-out look settled in her eyes. She was scared, confused, pushed to the edge for ways to overcome Suzanne's strong resistance and sudden, fierce determination. No one would have guessed that this quiet, sweet-natured, introspective girl could be so firm, convinced, and unyielding in action. She was like a liquid that had turned solid. She was a creature made of iron, a girl with a heart of stone; nothing could sway her—her mother's tears, her threats of social exclusion, of total ruin, of physical and moral destruction for Eugene and herself, her threats of public exposure in the newspapers, of being sent to an asylum. Suzanne had observed her mother for a long time and concluded that she enjoyed speaking dramatically in an easy, philosophical, sometimes pompous way, but that really, there wasn't much to what she said. She didn't believe her mother had real courage—that she would actually risk sending her to an asylum or exposing Eugene to harm, let alone poisoning or killing her. Her mother loved her. She would get extremely angry for a while, then eventually give in. Suzanne's plan was to wear her down, to stand her ground firmly until her mother grew tired and broke under the pressure. Then she would start to say a few words for Eugene, and eventually, after much arguing and bluster, her mother would come around. Eugene would be welcomed back into family discussions. He and Suzanne would hash it all out together in front of her mother. They would probably agree to disagree in a secret way, but she would have Eugene, and he would have her. Oh, the joy of that wonderful outcome. It was so close now, all from a little brave fighting. She would fight, fight until her mother broke, and then—Oh, Eugene, Eugene!
Mrs. Dale was not to be so easily overcome as Suzanne imagined. Haggard and worn as she was, she was far from yielding. There was an actual physical conflict between them [Pg 611] once when Suzanne, in the height of an argument, decided that she would call up Eugene on the phone and ask him to come down and help her settle the discussion. Mrs. Dale was determined that she should not. The servants were in the house listening, unable to catch at first the drift of the situation, but knowing almost by intuition that there was a desperate discussion going on. Suzanne decided to go down to the library where the phone was. Mrs. Dale put her back to the door and attempted to deter her. Suzanne tried to open it by pulling. Her mother unloosed her hands desperately, but it was very difficult, Suzanne was so strong.
Mrs. Dale wasn’t going to be easily defeated like Suzanne thought. Even though she looked haggard and worn, she was far from giving in. There was a real physical struggle between them when Suzanne, in the heat of an argument, decided to call Eugene and ask him to come over to help settle the debate. Mrs. Dale was determined to stop her. The servants were in the house, listening in, unable to grasp the situation at first, but somehow sensing that a heated discussion was happening. Suzanne decided to head down to the library where the phone was. Mrs. Dale turned her back to the door and tried to block her. Suzanne attempted to open it by pulling. Her mother desperately released her grip, but it was very difficult; Suzanne was too strong.
"For shame," she said. "For shame! To make your mother contest with you. Oh, the degradation"—the while she was struggling. Finally, angry, hysteric tears coursed involuntarily down her cheeks and Suzanne was moved at last. It was so obvious that this was real bitter heart-burning on her mother's part. Her hair was shaken loose on one side—her sleeve torn.
"For shame," she said. "For shame! To make your mother go up against you. Oh, the humiliation"—all the while, she was struggling. Finally, angry, hysterical tears began to flow down her cheeks, and Suzanne was finally moved. It was so clear that this was genuine heartache for her mother. Her hair was messy on one side—her sleeve was torn.
"Oh, my goodness! my goodness!" Mrs Dale gasped at last, throwing herself in a chair and sobbing bitterly. "I shall never lift my head again. I shall never lift my head again."
"Oh my gosh! My gosh!" Mrs. Dale exclaimed at last, collapsing into a chair and crying hard. "I will never hold my head up again. I will never hold my head up again."
Suzanne looked at her somewhat sorrowfully. "I'm sorry, mama," she said, "but you have brought it all on yourself. I needn't call him now. He will call me and I will answer. It all comes from your trying to rule me in your way. You won't realize that I am a personality also, quite as much as you are. I have my life to live. It is mine to do with as I please. You are not going to prevent me in the long run. You might just as well stop fighting with me now. I don't want to quarrel with you. I don't want to argue, but I am a grown woman, mama. Why don't you listen to reason? Why don't you let me show you how I feel about this? Two people loving each other have a right to be with each other. It isn't anyone else's concern."
Suzanne looked at her a little sadly. "I’m sorry, mom," she said, "but you brought this on yourself. I don’t need to call him now. He'll call me, and I’ll answer. This all comes from your trying to control me in your way. You won’t realize that I have my own personality, just as much as you do. I have my life to live. It’s mine to do what I want with. You’re not going to stop me in the end. You might as well stop fighting with me now. I don’t want to argue with you. I don’t want to debate, but I’m a grown woman, mom. Why don’t you listen to reason? Why don’t you let me explain how I feel about this? Two people who love each other have the right to be together. It’s not anyone else’s business."
"Anyone else's concern! Anyone else's concern!" replied her mother viciously. "What nonsense. What silly, love-sick drivel. If you had any idea of life, of how the world is organized, you would laugh at yourself. Ten years from now, one year even, you will begin to see what a terrible mistake you are trying to make. You will scarcely believe that you could have done or said what you are doing and saying now. Anyone else's concern! Oh, Merciful Heaven! Will nothing put even a suggestion of the wild, foolish, reckless character of the thing you are trying to do in your mind?"
"Anyone else's problem! Anyone else's problem!" her mother snapped back sharply. "What nonsense. What silly, love-sick nonsense. If you understood life and how the world works, you'd laugh at yourself. In ten years, or even one year, you'll realize what a huge mistake you're making. You won't be able to believe that you could have done or said what you're doing and saying now. Anyone else's problem! Oh, for Heaven's sake! Will nothing even hint at the crazy, foolish, reckless nature of what you're trying to do?"
"But I love him, mama," said Suzanne.
"But I love him, Mom," said Suzanne.
[Pg 612] "Love! Love! You talk about love," said her mother bitterly and hysterically. "What do you know about it? Do you think he can be loving you when he wants to come here and take you out of a good home and a virtuous social condition and wreck your life, and bring you down into the mire, your life and mine, and that of your sisters and brother for ever and ever? What does he know of love? What do you? Think of Adele and Ninette and Kinroy. Have you no regard for them? Where is your love for me and for them? Oh, I have been so afraid that Kinroy might hear something of this. He would go and kill him. I know he would. I couldn't prevent it. Oh, the shame, the scandal, the wreck, it would involve us all in. Have you no conscience, Suzanne; no heart?"
[Pg 612] "Love! Love! You keep talking about love," her mother said bitterly and hysterically. "What do you know about it? Do you really think he can love you when he wants to take you away from a good home and a respectable life, ruining your life and dragging you down into the dirt, along with mine and that of your sisters and brother forever? What does he know about love? What do you? Think about Adele, Ninette, and Kinroy. Don’t you care about them? Where’s your love for me and for them? Oh, I've been so scared that Kinroy might hear something about this. He would go and kill him. I know he would. I couldn't stop it. Oh, the shame, the scandal, the destruction it would cause for all of us. Don’t you have any conscience, Suzanne? No heart?"
Suzanne stared before her calmly. The thought of Kinroy moved her a little. He might kill Eugene—she couldn't tell—he was a courageous boy. Still there was no need for any killing, or exposure, or excitement of any kind if her mother would only behave herself. What difference did it make to her, or Kinroy, or anybody anywhere what she did? Why couldn't she if she wanted to? The risk was on her head. She was willing. She couldn't see what harm it would do.
Suzanne stared calmly ahead of her. The thought of Kinroy stirred her slightly. He might kill Eugene—she wasn't sure—he was a brave guy. Still, there was no need for any killing, drama, or excitement if her mom would just act right. What did it matter to her, or Kinroy, or anyone else what she did? Why couldn't she do what she wanted? The risk was hers to take. She was okay with that. She didn't see how it would hurt anything.
She expressed this thought to her mother once who answered in an impassioned plea for her to look at the facts. "How many evil women of the kind and character you would like to make of yourself, do you know? How many would you like to know? How many do you suppose there are in good society? Look at this situation from Mrs. Witla's point of view. How would you like to be in her place? How would you like to be in mine? Suppose you were Mrs. Witla and Mrs. Witla were the other woman. What then?"
She shared this thought with her mom once, who urged her to look at the facts. "How many wicked women like the kind you're trying to become do you know? How many do you want to know? How many do you think exist in respectable society? Consider this situation from Mrs. Witla's perspective. How would you feel in her shoes? How would you feel in mine? Imagine you were Mrs. Witla and Mrs. Witla was the other woman. What then?"
"I would let him go," said Suzanne.
"I would let him go," Suzanne said.
"Yes! Yes! Yes! You would let him go. You might, but how would you feel? How would anyone feel? Can't you see the shame in all this, the disgrace? Have you no comprehension at all? No feeling?"
"Yes! Yes! Yes! You would let him go. You might, but how would you feel? How would anyone feel? Can't you see the shame in all this, the disgrace? Do you not understand at all? No feelings?"
"Oh, how you talk, mama. How silly you talk. You don't know the facts. Mrs. Witla doesn't love him any more. She told me so. She has written me so. I had the letter and gave it back to Eugene. He doesn't care for her. She knows it. She knows he cares for me. What difference does it make if she doesn't love him. He's entitled to love somebody. Now I love him. I want him. He wants me. Why shouldn't we have each other?"
"Oh, how you talk, Mom. How ridiculous you sound. You don't know the truth. Mrs. Witla doesn't love him anymore. She told me so. She wrote me that. I had the letter and gave it back to Eugene. He doesn't care about her. She knows that. She knows he cares about me. What does it matter if she doesn't love him? He's allowed to love someone. I love him now. I want him. He wants me. Why shouldn't we be together?"
In spite of all her threats, Mrs. Dale was not without subsidiary [Pg 613] thoughts of what any public move on her part would certainly, not probably, but immediately involve. Eugene was well known. To kill him, which was really very far from her thoughts, in any save a very secret way, would create a tremendous sensation and involve no end of examination, discussion, excited publicity. To expose him to either Colfax or Winfield meant in reality exposing Suzanne to them, and possibly to members of her own social set, for these men were of it, and might talk. Eugene's resignation would cause comment. If he left, Suzanne might run away with him—then what? There was the thought on her part that the least discussion or whisper of this to anybody might produce the most disastrous results. What capital the so-called "Yellow" newspapers would make out of a story of this character. How they would gloat over the details. It was a most terrible and dangerous situation, and yet it was plain that something had to be done and that immediately. What?
Despite all her threats, Mrs. Dale couldn’t shake off the nagging thoughts about what any public action on her part would definitely—not just probably—entail. Eugene was well-known. To kill him, which wasn’t really on her mind at all, except in a very secretive way, would cause a huge uproar and lead to endless scrutiny, discussions, and sensational headlines. Exposing him to either Colfax or Winfield would actually mean exposing Suzanne to them, and possibly to members of her own social circle, since these men were part of it and could easily talk. Eugene's resignation would bring attention. If he left, Suzanne might run away with him—then what? She worried that even the slightest discussion or rumor about this could lead to disastrous outcomes. Just think of what the so-called "Yellow" newspapers would make of a story like this. They would revel in the details. It was an extremely serious and risky situation, yet it was clear that something had to be done—and quickly. But what?
In this crisis it occurred to her that several things might be done and that without great danger of irremediable consequences if she could only have a little time in which Suzanne would promise to remain quiescent and do so. If she could get her to say that she would do nothing for ten days or five days all might be well for them. She could go to see Angela, Eugene, Mr. Colfax, if necessary. To leave Suzanne in order to go on these various errands, she had to obtain Suzanne's word, which she knew she could respect absolutely, that she would make no move of any kind until the time was up. Under pretense that Suzanne herself needed time to think, or should take it, she pleaded and pleaded until finally the girl, on condition that she be allowed to phone to Eugene and state how things stood, consented. Eugene had called her up on the second day after the quarrel began and had been informed by the butler, at Mrs. Dale's request, that she was out of town. He called the second day, and got the same answer. He wrote to her and Mrs. Dale hid the letter, but on the fourth day, Suzanne called him up and explained. The moment she did so, he was sorry that she had been so hasty in telling her mother, terribly so, but there was nothing to be done now save to stand by his guns. He was ready in a grim way to rise or fall so long as, in doing either, he should obtain his heart's desire.
In this crisis, it occurred to her that there were several things she could do without risking irreversible consequences if she could just get a little time for Suzanne to promise to stay calm and actually do it. If she could get Suzanne to agree not to take any action for ten days or even five, everything could turn out well for them. She could go see Angela, Eugene, or Mr. Colfax if necessary. To leave Suzanne for these various tasks, she needed Suzanne's promise, which she knew she could trust completely, that she wouldn’t do anything until the time was up. Under the guise that Suzanne needed time to think or should take it, she kept pleading until finally the girl agreed, as long as she could call Eugene and let him know what was happening. Eugene had called her on the second day after their argument, and the butler, at Mrs. Dale’s request, told him she was out of town. He called again on the second day and got the same response. He wrote her a letter, but Mrs. Dale hid it. However, on the fourth day, Suzanne called him and explained. The moment she did, he regretted that she had been so quick to tell her mother. He felt terrible about it, but there was nothing he could do now except stick to his guns. He was grimly prepared to either succeed or fail, as long as in doing so, he could achieve his heart's desire.
"Shall I come and help you argue?" he asked.
"Do you want me to come and help you argue?" he asked.
"No, not for five days. I have given my word."
"No, not for five days. I’ve given my word."
"Shall I see you?"
"Can I see you?"
"No, not for five days, Eugene."
"No, not for five days, Eugene."
[Pg 614] "Mayn't I even call you up?"
"Can’t I at least call you?"
"No, not for five days. After that, yes."
"No, not for five days. After that, sure."
"All right, Flower Face—Divine Fire. I'll obey. I'm yours to command. But, oh, sweet, it's a long time."
"Okay, Flower Face—Divine Fire. I'll do what you say. I'm here for you. But, oh, babe, it feels like a long time."
"I know, but it will pass."
"I know, but it will pass."
"And you won't change?"
"And you won't change?"
"No."
"Nope."
"They can't make you?"
"They can’t force you?"
"No, you know they can't, dearest. Why do you ask?"
"No, you know they can't, my dear. Why do you ask?"
"Oh, I can't help feeling a little fearful, sweet. You are so young, so new to love."
"Oh, I can’t help but feel a bit scared, sweetheart. You’re so young, so inexperienced with love."
"I won't change. I won't change. I don't need to swear. I won't."
"I won't change. I won't change. I don't need to swear. I won't."
"Very well, then, Myrtle Bloom."
"Alright then, Myrtle Bloom."
She hung up the receiver, and Mrs. Dale knew now that her greatest struggle was before her.
She hung up the phone, and Mrs. Dale realized now that her biggest challenge was ahead of her.
Her several contemplated moves consisted first, in going to see Mrs. Witla, unknown to Suzanne and Eugene, learning what she knew of how things were and what she would advise.
Her various planned actions included first, visiting Mrs. Witla without Suzanne and Eugene knowing, to find out what she knew about the situation and what advice she might give.
This really did no good, unless the fact that it fomented anew the rage and grief of Angela, and gave Mrs. Dale additional material wherewith to belabor Eugene, could be said to be of advantage. Angela, who had been arguing and pleading with Eugene all this time, endeavoring by one thought and another to awaken him to a sense of the enormity of the offense he was contemplating, was practically in despair. She had reached the point where she had become rather savage again, and he also. In spite of her condition, in spite of all she could say, he was cold and bitter, so insistent that he was through with the old order that he made her angry. Instead of leaving him, as she might have done, trusting to time to alter his attitude, or to teach her the wisdom of releasing him entirely, she preferred to cling to him, for there was still affection left. She was used to him, he was the father of her coming child, unwelcome as it was. He represented her social position to her, her station in the world. Why should she leave him? Then, too, there was this fear of the outcome, which would come over her like a child. She might die. What would become of the child?
This really didn’t help, unless you consider that it stirred up Angela’s anger and sadness again, and gave Mrs. Dale more reasons to criticize Eugene, which could be seen as a benefit. Angela, who had been arguing and pleading with Eugene this whole time, trying to make him understand the seriousness of what he was considering, was practically in despair. She had reached a point where she was getting pretty fierce again, and so was he. Despite her situation and everything she said, he remained cold and bitter, so determined to leave the old ways behind that it made her furious. Instead of walking away from him, as she might have done, hoping that time would change his mind or teach her the wisdom of letting him go completely, she chose to hold on to him because there was still some love left. She was used to him; he was the father of her upcoming child, though that was unwelcome. He represented her social status and place in the world. Why should she leave him? Plus, there was this fear of the outcome that would hit her like a child. She might die. What would happen to the child?
"You know, Mrs. Dale," she said at one point significantly, "I don't hold Suzanne absolutely guiltless. She is old enough to know better. She has been out in society long enough to know that a married man is sacred property to another woman."
"You know, Mrs. Dale," she said pointedly at one moment, "I don't think Suzanne is completely innocent. She's old enough to know better. She's been in society long enough to realize that a married man belongs to another woman."
"I know, I know," replied Mrs. Dale resentfully, but cautiously, "but Suzanne is so young. You really don't know how [Pg 615] much of a child she is. And she has this silly, idealistic, emotional disposition. I suspected something of it, but I did not know it was so strong. I'm sure I don't know where she gets it. Her father was most practical. But she was all right until your husband persuaded her."
"I get it, I get it," Mrs. Dale replied with some resentment but still carefully, "but Suzanne is really young. You have no idea just how much of a child she is. And she has this silly, idealistic, emotional nature. I suspected something was off, but I didn’t realize it was this strong. Honestly, I don’t know where she gets it from. Her dad was very practical. But she was doing fine until your husband convinced her."
"That may be all true," went on Angela, "but she is not guiltless. I know Eugene. He is weak, but he will not follow where he is not led, and no girl need be tempted unless she wants to."
"That might all be true," Angela continued, "but she isn't completely innocent. I know Eugene. He's weak, but he won't take the lead unless someone guides him, and no girl can be tempted unless she wants to be."
"Suzanne is so young," again pleaded Mrs. Dale.
"Suzanne is really young," Mrs. Dale insisted again.
"Well, I'm sure if she knew Mr. Witla's record accurately," went on Angela foolishly, "she wouldn't want him. I have written her. She ought to know. He isn't honest and he isn't moral as this thing shows. If this were the first time he had fallen in love with another woman, I could forgive him, but it isn't. He did something quite as bad six or seven years ago, and only two years before that there was another woman. He wouldn't be faithful to Suzanne if he had her. It would be a case of blazing affection for a little while, and then he would tire and cast her aside. Why, you can tell what sort of a man he is when he would propose to me, as he did here, that I should let him maintain a separate establishment for Suzanne and say nothing of it. The idea!"
"Well, I'm sure if she knew Mr. Witla's history accurately," Angela continued foolishly, "she wouldn't want him. I've written her about it. She should be aware. He’s not honest, and he’s not moral, as this situation shows. If this were the first time he fell in love with another woman, I could overlook it, but it isn’t. He did something just as bad six or seven years ago, and only two years prior to that, there was another woman. He wouldn’t be loyal to Suzanne if he had her. It would just be intense affection for a little while, and then he’d get bored and move on. Honestly, you can see what kind of man he is when he suggests that I let him keep a separate place for Suzanne and not mention it. What a ridiculous idea!"
Mrs. Dale clicked her lips significantly. She considered Angela foolish for talking in this way, but it could not be helped now. Possibly Eugene had made a mistake in marrying her. This did not excuse him, however, in her eyes for wanting to take Suzanne under the conditions he proposed. If he were free, it would be an entirely different matter. His standing, his mind, his manners, were not objectionable, though he was not to the manner born.
Mrs. Dale clicked her lips to show her disapproval. She thought Angela was being foolish for speaking like that, but there was no changing it now. Maybe Eugene had made a mistake by marrying her. Still, that didn’t justify him, in her opinion, wanting to take Suzanne under the terms he suggested. If he were single, it would be a totally different story. His status, intelligence, and manners weren’t bad, even though he wasn’t naturally refined.
Mrs. Dale went away toward evening, greatly nonplussed by what she had seen and heard, but convinced that no possible good could come of the situation. Angela would never give him a divorce. Eugene was not a fit man morally for her daughter, anyhow. There was great scandal on the verge of exposure here in which her beloved daughter would be irretrievably smirched. In her desperation, she decided, if she could do no better, she would try to dissuade Eugene from seeing Suzanne until he could obtain a divorce, in which case, to avoid something worse, she would agree to a marriage, but this was only to be a lip promise. The one thing she wanted to do was to get Suzanne to give him up entirely. If Suzanne could be spirited away, or dissuaded from throwing herself away on Eugene, that would [Pg 616] be the thing. Still, she proposed to see what a conversation with Eugene would do.
Mrs. Dale left in the evening, feeling confused about what she had seen and heard, but sure that nothing good could come from the situation. Angela would never give him a divorce. Eugene was not a suitable man for her daughter, anyway. There was a big scandal about to be revealed that would tarnish her beloved daughter forever. In her desperation, she decided that if no better option arose, she would try to convince Eugene to stop seeing Suzanne until he could get a divorce. In that case, to avoid something worse, she would agree to a marriage, but only as a formality. The main thing she wanted was for Suzanne to give him up completely. If Suzanne could be taken away or talked out of wasting herself on Eugene, that would be ideal. Still, she planned to see what a conversation with Eugene would achieve. [Pg 616]
The next morning as he was sitting in his office wondering what the delay of five days portended, and what Suzanne was doing, as well as trying to fix his mind on the multitudinous details which required his constant attention, and were now being rather markedly neglected, the card of Mrs. Emily Dale was laid on his table, and a few moments later, after his secretary had been dismissed, and word given that no one else was to be allowed to enter, Mrs. Dale was shown in.
The next morning, as he sat in his office wondering what the five-day delay meant and what Suzanne was up to, he also tried to focus on the many details that needed his constant attention, which were now being noticeably ignored. Mrs. Emily Dale's card was placed on his table, and a few moments later, after he dismissed his secretary and instructed that no one else was to enter, Mrs. Dale was brought in.
She was pale and weary, but exquisitely dressed in a greenish blue silk and picture hat of black straw and feathers. She looked quite young and handsome herself, not too old for Eugene, and indeed once she had fancied he might well fall in love with her. What her thoughts were at that time, she was not now willing to recall, for they had involved the probable desertion or divorce, or death of Angela, and Eugene's passionate infatuation for her. All that was over now, of course, and in the excitement and distress, almost completely obliterated. Eugene had not forgotten that he had had similar sensations or imaginations at the time, and that Mrs. Dale had always drawn to him in a sympathetic and friendly way. Here she was, though, this morning coming upon a desperate mission no doubt, and he would have to contend with her as best he could.
She was pale and tired, but beautifully dressed in a bluish-green silk gown and a stylish black straw hat adorned with feathers. She appeared quite young and attractive, definitely not too old for Eugene, and she had once thought that he might actually fall in love with her. What she was thinking back then, she wasn’t eager to remember, as it had included the likely abandonment or divorce, or death of Angela, and Eugene's intense feelings for her. All of that was in the past now, of course, and in all the chaos and distress, nearly completely erased. Eugene hadn’t forgotten that he had felt similar emotions or fantasies back then, and that Mrs. Dale had always treated him with sympathy and friendship. Here she was, though, this morning, on what was surely a desperate mission, and he would have to deal with her as best as he could.
The conversation opened by his looking into her set face as she approached and smiling blandly, though it was something of an effort. "Well," he said, in quite a business like way, "what can I do for you?"
The conversation started as he looked into her expressionless face while she walked over, smiling softly, even though it took some effort. "Well," he said in a very professional tone, "what can I do for you?"
"You villain," she exclaimed melodramatically, "my daughter has told me all."
"You scoundrel," she exclaimed dramatically, "my daughter has told me everything."
"Yes, Suzanne phoned me that she told you," he replied, in a conciliatory tone.
"Yeah, Suzanne called me to say that she told you," he replied, in a friendly tone.
"Yes," she said in a low, tense voice, "and I ought to kill you where you stand. To think that I should have ever harbored such a monster as you in my home and near my dear, innocent daughter. It seems incredible now. I can't believe it. That you should dare. And you with a dear, sweet wife at home, sick and in the condition she is in. I should think if you had any manhood at all any sense of shame! When I think of that poor, dear little woman, and what you have been doing, or trying to do—if it weren't for the scandal you would never leave this office alive."
"Yes," she said in a low, tense voice, "and I should just kill you where you stand. Can you believe I ever let a monster like you into my home and around my sweet, innocent daughter? It seems unbelievable now. I can't wrap my head around it. That you would dare. And you have a loving, sweet wife at home, sick and in such a terrible state. If you had any sense of honor or shame at all! When I think about that poor, sweet woman and what you've been doing, or trying to do—if it weren't for the scandal, you wouldn't leave this office alive."
"Oh, bother! Don't talk rot, Mrs. Dale," said Eugene quietly, though irritably. He did not care for her melodramatic [Pg 617] attitude. "The dear, darling little woman you speak of is not as badly off as you think, and I don't think she needs as much of your sympathy as you are so anxious to give. She is pretty well able to take care of herself, sick as she is. As for killing me, you or anyone else, well that wouldn't be such a bad idea. I'm not so much in love with life. This is not fifty years ago, though, but the nineteenth century, and this is New York City. I love Suzanne. She loves me. We want each other desperately. Now, an arrangement can be made which will not interfere with you in any way, and which will adjust things for us. Suzanne is anxious to make that arrangement. It is as much her proposition as it is mine. Why should you be so vastly disturbed? You know a great deal about life."
"Oh, come on! Don’t talk nonsense, Mrs. Dale," Eugene said quietly, but with irritation. He wasn't a fan of her dramatic style. [Pg 617] "The sweet little woman you’re talking about isn't as worse off as you think, and I don’t believe she needs as much of your sympathy as you’re so eager to provide. She can handle herself pretty well, even if she is sick. As for killing me, you, or anyone else, well, that wouldn’t be such a bad idea. I’m not exactly in love with life. This isn’t fifty years ago; this is the nineteenth century, and we’re in New York City. I love Suzanne. She loves me. We want each other desperately. Now, we can come up with an arrangement that won’t affect you at all and will work for us. Suzanne is eager to make that arrangement. It’s as much her idea as it is mine. Why are you so upset? You know a lot about life."
"Why should I be disturbed? Why should I? Can you sit in this office, you a man in charge of all this vast public work, and ask me in cold blood why I should be disturbed? And my daughter's very life at stake. Why should I be disturbed and my daughter only out of her short dresses a little while ago and practically innocent of the world. You dare to tell me that she proposed! Oh, you impervious scoundrel! To think I could be so mistaken in any human being. You, with your bland manners and your inconsistent talk of happy family life. I might have understood, though, when I saw you so often without your wife. I should have known. I did, God help me! but I didn't act upon it. I was taken by your bland, gentlemanly attitude. I don't blame poor, dear little Suzanne. I blame you, you utterly deceiving villain and myself for being so silly. I am being justly rewarded, however."
"Why should I be upset? Why should I? Can you really sit in this office, you the one in charge of all this huge public work, and ask me, without any feeling, why I should be disturbed? My daughter's very life is at stake. Why should I be upset when my daughter just recently stopped wearing little girl dresses and is practically innocent of the world? You have the nerve to tell me that she proposed! Oh, you heartless scoundrel! To think I could be so wrong about any person. You, with your smooth manners and your inconsistency when talking about family happiness. I might have figured it out when I noticed how often you were without your wife. I should have known. I did, God help me! but I didn't do anything about it. I was swayed by your charming, gentlemanly demeanor. I don’t blame sweet little Suzanne. I blame you, you utterly deceitful villain, and myself for being so naive. However, I guess I’m getting what I deserve."
Eugene merely looked at her and drummed with his fingers.
Eugene just looked at her and tapped his fingers.
"But I did not come here to bandy words with you," she went on. "I came to say that you must never see my daughter again, or speak of her, or appear where she might chance to be, though she won't be where you may appear, if I have my way, for you won't have a chance to appear anywhere in decent society very much longer. I shall go, unless you agree here and now never to see or communicate with her any more, to Mr. Colfax, whom I know personally, as you are aware, and lay the whole matter before him. I'm sure with what I know now of your record, and what you have attempted to do in connection with my daughter, and the condition of your wife, that he will not require your services very much longer. I shall go to Mr. Winfield, who is also an old friend, and lay the matter before him. Privately you will be drummed out of society and my daughter will be none the worse for it. She is so very young [Pg 618] that when the facts are known, you are the only one who will bear the odium of this. Your wife has given me your wretched record only yesterday. You would like to make my Suzanne your fourth or fifth. Well, you will not. I will show you something you have not previously known. You are dealing with a desperate mother. Defy me if you dare. I demand that you write your farewell to Suzanne here and now, and let me take it to her."
"But I didn’t come here to argue with you," she continued. "I came to say that you must never see my daughter again, or speak of her, or show up where she might be, even though she won’t be where you might show up if I can help it, because you won’t have much of a chance to be in decent society much longer. I will leave, unless you agree right now to never see or communicate with her again, and I’ll go to Mr. Colfax, whom I know personally, as you know, and tell him everything. I’m sure that with what I know now about your history, what you have tried to do concerning my daughter, and your wife’s condition, he won’t keep you around much longer. I’ll also go to Mr. Winfield, who is an old friend, and bring this to his attention. You will essentially be kicked out of society, and my daughter won’t be affected by it at all. She is so very young that when the truth comes out, you will be the only one who will carry the shame of this. Your wife just gave me your terrible record yesterday. You’d want to make my Suzanne your fourth or fifth. Well, you won’t. I will show you something you didn’t know before. You’re dealing with a mother who is desperate. Defy me if you dare. I demand that you write your goodbye to Suzanne right now, and let me take it to her."
Eugene smiled sardonically. Mrs. Dale's reference to Angela made him bitter. She had been there and Angela had talked of him—his past to her. What a mean thing to do. After all, Angela was his wife. Only the morning before, she had been appealing to him on the grounds of love, and she had not told him of Mrs. Dale's visit. Love! Love! What sort of love was this? He had done enough for her to make her generous in a crisis like this, even if she did not want to be.
Eugene smiled with sarcasm. Mrs. Dale mentioning Angela made him feel bitter. She had been there, and Angela had talked about him and his past to her. What a cruel thing to do. After all, Angela was his wife. Just the day before, she had been pleading with him based on love, and she hadn’t mentioned Mrs. Dale’s visit. Love! Love! What kind of love was this? He had done enough for her to be generous in a situation like this, even if she didn't want to be.
"Write you a statement of release to Suzanne?" he observed, his lips curling—"how silly. Of course, I won't. And as for your threat to run to Mr. Colfax, I have heard that before from Mrs. Witla. There is the door. His office is twelve flights down. I'll call a boy, if you wish. You tell it to Mr. Colfax and see how much farther it goes before you are much older. Run to Mr. Winfield also. A lot I care about him or Mr. Colfax. If you want a grand, interesting discussion of this thing, just begin. It will go far and wide, I assure you. I love your daughter. I'm desperate about her. I'm literally crazy about her"—he got up—"she loves me, or I think she does. Anyhow, I'm banking all on that thought. My life from the point of view of affection has been a failure. I have never really been in love before, but I am crazy about Suzanne Dale. I am wild about her. If you had any sympathy for an unhappy, sympathetic, emotional mortal, who has never yet been satisfied in a woman, you would give her to me. I love her. I love her. By God!"—he banged the desk with his fist—"I will do anything for her. If she will come to me, Colfax can have his position, Winfield can have his Blue Sea Corporation. You can have her money, if she wants to give it to you. I can make a living abroad by my art, and I will. Other Americans have done it before me. I love her! I love her! Do you hear me? I love her, and what's more, I'm going to have her! You can't stop me. You haven't the brains; you haven't the strength; you haven't the resources to match that girl. She's brighter than you are. She's stronger, she's finer. She's finer than the whole current day conception of society and life. She loves me and she wants to [Pg 619] give herself to me, willingly, freely, joyously. Match that in your petty society circles if you can. Society! You say you will have me drummed out of it, will you? A lot I care about your society. Hacks, mental light weights, money grubbers, gamblers, thieves, leeches—a fine lot! To see you sitting there and talking to me with your grand air makes me laugh. A lot I care for you. I was thinking of another kind of woman when I met you, not a narrow, conventional fool. I thought I saw one in you. I did, didn't I—not? You are like all the rest, a narrow, petty slavish follower after fashion and convention. Well," he snapped his fingers in her face, "go on and do your worst. I will get Suzanne in the long run. She will come to me. She will dominate you. Run to Colfax! Run to Winfield! I will get her just the same. She's mine. She belongs to me. She is big enough for me. The Gods have given her to me, and I will have her if I have to smash you and your home and myself and everyone else connected with me. I'll have her! I'll have her! She is mine! She is mine!" He lifted a tense hand. "Now you run and do anything you want to. Thank God, I've found one woman who knows how to live and love. She's mine!"
"Write a release statement to Suzanne?" he remarked, a smirk on his lips—"how ridiculous. Of course, I won’t. And your threat to go to Mr. Colfax? I’ve heard that from Mrs. Witla before. There’s the door. His office is twelve flights down. I can call someone if you need. Go ahead and tell Mr. Colfax and see how far it gets you before you’re much older. Go to Mr. Winfield too. I couldn't care less about him or Mr. Colfax. If you want to have a long, intense discussion about this, just start talking. I promise it will get around. I love your daughter. I’m desperate for her. I’m absolutely mad about her”—he stood up—"she loves me, or at least I think she does. Either way, I'm counting on that. My romantic life has been a disaster. I’ve never truly been in love before, but I'm crazy about Suzanne Dale. I’m completely into her. If you felt any sympathy for a troubled, emotional person who has never been fulfilled by a woman, you would let her be with me. I love her. I love her. By God!"—he slammed his fist on the desk—"I’d do anything for her. If she comes to me, Colfax can have his job, Winfield can have his Blue Sea Corporation. You can take her money if she wants to give it to you. I can make a living overseas with my art, and I will. Other Americans have done it before me. I love her! I love her! Are you hearing me? I love her, and what’s more, I'm going to have her! You can't stop me. You don’t have the brains, the strength, or the resources to compete with her. She’s smarter than you. She’s stronger; she’s better. She's way better than the current ideas about society and life. She loves me and she wants to give herself to me, willingly, freely, joyfully. Try to show me something better in your pathetic social circles. Society! You think you’re going to kick me out of it? I couldn't care less about your society. Fakes, mental lightweights, money-seekers, gamblers, thieves, leeches—a wonderful bunch! Seeing you sit there talking to me with your pretentious attitude makes me laugh. I don't care about you. I was thinking of a different kind of woman when I met you, not a narrow, conventional fool. I thought I saw one in you. I did, didn’t I? No? You're just like all the others, a narrow-minded, petty follower of fashion and convention. Well," he snapped his fingers in front of her, "go ahead and do your worst. I will get Suzanne in the end. She will come to me. She will overpower you. Go to Colfax! Go to Winfield! I’ll still get her. She’s mine. She belongs to me. She’s perfect for me. The universe has given her to me, and I will have her if I have to destroy you, your home, myself, and everyone else associated with me. I’ll have her! I’ll have her! She is mine! She is mine!" He raised a tense hand. "Now you go ahead and do whatever you want. Thank God, I’ve found one woman who knows how to truly live and love. She’s mine!"
Mrs. Dale stared at him in amazement, scarcely believing her ears. Was he crazy? Was he really so much in love? Had Suzanne turned his brain? What an astonishing thing. She had never seen him anything like this—never imagined him capable of anything like it. He was always so quiet, smiling, bland, witty. Here he was dramatic, impassioned, fiery, hungry. There was a terrible light in his eyes and he was desperate. He must be in love.
Mrs. Dale stared at him in shock, hardly believing what she was hearing. Was he out of his mind? Was he really that in love? Had Suzanne completely changed him? It was unbelievable. She had never seen him like this—never thought he was capable of such intensity. He was usually so calm, smiling, easygoing, clever. Now he was dramatic, passionate, intense, yearning. There was a fierce look in his eyes and he seemed desperate. He had to be in love.
"Oh, why will you do this to me?" she whimpered all at once. The terror of his mood conveying itself to her for the moment, and arousing a sympathy which she had not previously felt. "Why will you come into my home and attempt to destroy it? There are lots of women who will love you. There are lots more suited to your years and temperament than Suzanne. She doesn't understand you. She doesn't understand herself. She is just young, and foolish and hypnotized. You have hypnotized her. Oh, why will you do this to me? You are so much older than her, so much more schooled in life. Why not give her up? I don't want to go to Mr. Colfax. I don't want to speak to Mr. Winfield. I will, if I have to, but I don't want to. I have always thought so well of you. I know you are not an ordinary man. Restore my respect for you, my confidence in you. I can forgive, if I can't forget. You [Pg 620] may not be happily married. I am sorry for you. I don't want to do anything desperate. I only want to save poor, little Suzanne. Oh, please! please! I love her so. I don't think you understand how I feel. You may be in love, but you ought to be willing to consider others. True love would. I know that she is hard and wilful and desperate now, but she will change if you will help her. Why, if you really love her, if you have any sympathy for me or regard for her future, or your own, you will renounce your schemes and release her. Tell her you made a mistake. Write to her now. Tell her you can't do this and not socially ruin her and me and yourself, and so you won't do it. Tell her that you have decided to wait until time has made you a free man, if that is to be, and then let her have a chance of seeing if she will not be happy in a normal life. You don't want to ruin her at this age, do you? She is so young, so innocent. Oh, if you have any judgment of life at all, any regard, any consideration, anything, I beg of you; I beg as her mother, for I love her. Oh!" Tears came into her eyes again and she cried weakly in her handkerchief.
"Oh, why are you doing this to me?" she cried suddenly. The fear from his mood affected her for a moment, stirring a sympathy she hadn’t felt before. "Why are you coming into my home and trying to destroy it? There are plenty of women who would love you. There are many who are better suited to your age and temperament than Suzanne. She doesn’t understand you. She doesn’t even understand herself. She’s just young, foolish, and hypnotized. You’ve hypnotized her. Oh, why are you doing this to me? You’re so much older than her, so much more experienced in life. Why not let her go? I don’t want to talk to Mr. Colfax. I don’t want to talk to Mr. Winfield. I will if I have to, but I don’t want to. I’ve always thought highly of you. I know you’re not an ordinary man. Restore my respect for you, my confidence in you. I can forgive, even if I can’t forget. You [Pg 620] might not be happily married. I pity you. I don’t want to do anything drastic. I just want to save poor little Suzanne. Oh, please! Please! I love her so much. I don’t think you understand how I feel. You may be in love, but you should be willing to consider others. True love would. I know she’s hard and willful and desperate right now, but she will change if you help her. If you really love her, if you have any sympathy for me or concern for her future, or your own, you’ll give up your plans and let her go. Tell her you made a mistake. Write to her now. Tell her you can’t do this without socially ruining her, me, and yourself, so you won’t do it. Tell her that you’ve decided to wait until time has set you free, if that’s meant to be, and then give her a chance to see if she can be happy in a normal life. You don’t want to ruin her at this age, do you? She’s so young, so innocent. Oh, if you have any common sense about life, any caring, any consideration, anything at all, I beg you; I beg as her mother, because I love her. Oh!" Tears filled her eyes again, and she cried softly into her handkerchief.
Eugene stared at her. What was he doing? Where was he going? Was he really as bad as he appeared to be here? Was he possessed? Was he really so hard-hearted? Through her grief and Angela's and the threats concerning Colfax and Winfield, he caught a glimpse of the real heart of the situation. It was as if there had been a great flash of lightning illuminating a black landscape. He saw sympathetically, sorrow, folly, a number of things that were involved, and then the next moment, it was gone. Suzanne's face came back, smooth, classic, chiseled, perfectly modeled, her beauty like a tightened bow; her eyes, her lips, her hair, the gaiety and buoyancy of her motions and her smile. Give her up! Give up Suzanne and that dream of the studio, and of joyous, continuous, delicious companionship? Did Suzanne want him to? What had she said over the phone? No! No! No! Quit now, and her clinging to him. No! No! No! Never!! He would fight first. He would go down fighting. Never! Never! Never!
Eugene stared at her. What was he doing? Where was he going? Was he really as bad as he seemed right now? Was he possessed? Was he really that cold-hearted? Amid her grief and Angela's, along with the threats about Colfax and Winfield, he caught a glimpse of the true heart of the matter. It felt like a sudden flash of lightning lighting up a dark landscape. He saw, with empathy, pain, foolishness, and many other things that were part of it, and then just like that, it was gone. Suzanne's face returned to him, smooth, classic, sculpted, perfectly shaped, her beauty tight like a bow; her eyes, her lips, her hair, the cheerfulness and lightness of her movements and her smile. Give her up! Give up Suzanne and that dream of the studio, and the joyful, endless, delightful companionship? Did Suzanne want him to? What had she said on the phone? No! No! No! Stop now, and her holding onto him. No! No! No! Never!! He would fight first. He would go down fighting. Never! Never! Never!
His brain seethed.
His mind was racing.
"I can't do it," he said, getting up again, for he had sat down after his previous tirade. "I can't do it. You are asking something that is utterly impossible. It can never be done. God help me, I'm insane, I'm wild over her. Go and do anything you want to, but I must have her and I will. She's mine! She's mine! She's mine!"
"I can’t do it," he said, getting up again after having sat down following his earlier outburst. "I can’t do it. You’re asking for something that’s absolutely impossible. It can never happen. God help me, I’m losing my mind, I’m crazy about her. Go ahead and do whatever you want, but I need her and I will have her. She’s mine! She’s mine! She’s mine!"
His thin, lean hands clenched and he clicked his teeth.
His thin, lean hands tightened into fists as he clicked his teeth.
[Pg 621] "Mine, mine, mine!" he muttered, and one would have thought him a villain in a cheap melodrama.
[Pg 621] "Mine, mine, mine!" he muttered, and you would think he was a bad guy in a low-budget drama.
Mrs. Dale shook her head.
Mrs. Dale shook her head.
"God help us both!" she said. "You shall never, never have her. You are not worthy of her. You are not right in your mind. I will fight you with all the means in my power. I am desperate! I am wealthy. I know how to fight. You shall not have her. Now we will see which will win." She rose to go and Eugene followed her.
"God help us both!" she exclaimed. "You will never, ever have her. You're not worthy of her. You're not in your right mind. I'll fight you with everything I've got. I'm desperate! I have money. I know how to battle. You won't take her from me. Now we'll see who wins." She stood up to leave, and Eugene followed her.
"Go ahead," he said calmly, "but in the end you lose. Suzanne comes to me. I know it. I feel it. I may lose many other things, but I get her. She's mine."
"Go ahead," he said calmly, "but in the end, you lose. Suzanne comes to me. I know it. I feel it. I might lose a lot of other things, but I'll have her. She’s mine."
"Oh," sighed Mrs. Dale wearily, half believing him and moving towards the door. "Is this your last word?"
"Oh," sighed Mrs. Dale wearily, half believing him and moving towards the door. "Is this your final word?"
"It is positively."
"It's positive."
"Then I must be going."
"Then I have to go."
"Good-bye," he said solemnly.
"Goodbye," he said solemnly.
"Good-bye," she answered, white faced, her eyes staring.
"Goodbye," she replied, pale and wide-eyed.
She went out and Eugene took up the telephone; but he remembered that Suzanne had warned him not to call, but to depend on her. So he put it down again.
She went out, and Eugene picked up the phone; but then he recalled that Suzanne had told him not to call, but to rely on her instead. So he put it down again.
CHAPTER XV
The fire and pathos of Mrs. Dale's appeal should have given Eugene pause. He thought once of going after her and making a further appeal, saying that he would try and get a divorce eventually and marry Suzanne, but he remembered that peculiar insistency of Suzanne on the fact that she did not want to get married. Somehow, somewhere, somewhy, she had formulated this peculiar ideal or attitude, which whatever the world might think of it, was possible of execution, providing he and she were tactful enough. It was not such a wild thing for two people to want to come together in this way, if they chose, he thought. Why was it? Heaven could witness there were enough illicit and peculiar relationships in this world to prevent society from becoming excited about one more, particularly when it was to be conducted in so circumspect and subtle a way. He and Suzanne did not intend to blazon their relationship to the world. As a distinguished artist, not active, but acknowledged and accomplished, he was entitled to a studio life. He and Suzanne could meet there. Nothing would be thought of it. Why had she insisted on telling her mother? It could all have been done without that. There was another peculiar ideal of hers, her determination to tell the truth under all circumstances. And yet she had really not told it. She had deceived her mother a long time about him simply by saying nothing. Was this some untoward trick of fate's, merely devised to harm him? Surely not. And yet Suzanne's headstrong determination seemed almost a fatal mistake now. He sat down brooding over it. Was this a terrific blunder? Would he be sorry? All his life was in the balance. Should he turn back?
The passion and emotion of Mrs. Dale’s plea should have made Eugene hesitate. He thought about chasing after her and making another appeal, saying he would eventually get a divorce and marry Suzanne, but then he remembered how adamant Suzanne was that she didn’t want to get married. Somehow, somewhere, for some reason, she had developed this unique ideal or mindset, which, no matter what others thought, could work out if they were careful enough. It wasn’t so crazy for two people to want to be together this way if that’s what they wanted, he thought. Why not? There were enough unconventional and secretive relationships in the world to keep society from getting worked up over one more—especially since theirs would be so discreet. He and Suzanne didn’t plan to flaunt their relationship publicly. As an acclaimed artist—though not currently working—he was entitled to a private studio life. He and Suzanne could meet there without raising any suspicion. Why did she feel the need to tell her mother? It could have all been kept quiet. There was also her strange commitment to telling the truth in every situation. Yet, she hadn’t really done that. She had misled her mother for a long time about him simply by staying silent. Was this just a cruel twist of fate meant to hurt him? Surely not. But Suzanne’s stubborn determination felt like a serious mistake now. He sat down, deep in thought. Was this a huge error? Would he regret it? His entire life was hanging in the balance. Should he turn back?
No! No! No! Never! It was not to be. He must go on. He must! He must! So he brooded.
No! No! No! Absolutely not! It wasn't meant to be. He had to keep going. He had to! He had to! So he pondered.
The next of Mrs. Dale's resources was not quite so unavailing as the others, though it was almost so. She had sent for Dr. Latson Woolley, her family physician—an old school practitioner of great repute, of rigid honor and rather Christian principles himself, but also of a wide intellectual and moral discernment, so far as others were concerned.
The next resource Mrs. Dale turned to was a bit more promising than the others, though not by much. She had called for Dr. Latson Woolley, her family doctor—an old-fashioned practitioner with a strong reputation, a solid sense of honor, and somewhat Christian values himself, but also someone who had a broad understanding of moral and intellectual issues concerning others.
"Well, Mrs. Dale," he observed, when he was ushered into her presence in the library on the ground floor, and extending his hand cordially, though wearily, "what can I do for you this morning?"
"Well, Mrs. Dale," he said, when he was shown into her presence in the library on the ground floor, and extending his hand warmly, though tiredly, "what can I do for you this morning?"
[Pg 623] "Oh, Dr. Woolley," she began directly, "I am in so much trouble. It isn't a case of sickness. I wish it were. It is something so much worse. I have sent for you because I know I can rely on your judgment and sympathy. It concerns my daughter, Suzanne."
[Pg 623] "Oh, Dr. Woolley," she started bluntly, "I'm in a lot of trouble. It's not a medical issue. I wish it were. It's something much worse. I called you because I trust your judgment and empathy. It’s about my daughter, Suzanne."
"Yes, yes," he grunted, in a rather crusty voice, for his vocal cords were old, and his eyes looked out from under shaggy, gray eyebrows which somehow bespoke a world of silent observation. "What's the matter with her? What has she done now that she ought not to do?"
"Yeah, yeah," he grunted, in a somewhat gruff voice, since his vocal cords were old, and his eyes peered out from beneath shaggy, gray eyebrows that seemed to hint at a lifetime of quiet observation. "What's going on with her? What has she done now that she shouldn’t have?"
"Oh, doctor," exclaimed Mrs. Dale nervously, for the experiences of the last few days had almost completely dispelled her normal composure, "I don't know how to tell you, really. I don't know how to begin. Suzanne, my dear precious Suzanne, in whom I have placed so much faith and reliance has, has——"
"Oh, doctor," Mrs. Dale said nervously, as the events of the past few days had nearly shaken her usual calm, "I don’t know how to tell you, honestly. I don’t know where to start. Suzanne, my dear precious Suzanne, whom I have relied on so much, has, has——"
"Well, tell me," interrupted Dr. Woolley laconically.
"Well, go ahead and tell me," interrupted Dr. Woolley casually.
When she had told him the whole story, and answered some of his incisive questions, he said:
When she finished telling him the whole story and answered some of his sharp questions, he said:
"Well, I am thinking you have a good deal to be grateful for. She might have yielded without your knowledge and told you afterwards—or not at all."
"Well, I think you have a lot to be grateful for. She might have given in without you even realizing it and told you later—or maybe not at all."
"Not at all. Oh, doctor! My Suzanne!"
"Not at all. Oh, doctor! My Suzanne!"
"Mrs. Dale, I looked after you and your mother before you and Suzanne. I know something about human nature and your family characteristics. Your husband was a very determined man, as you will remember. Suzanne may have some of his traits in her. She is a very young girl, you want to remember, very robust and vigorous. How old is this Witla man?"
"Mrs. Dale, I took care of you and your mother before you and Suzanne. I understand something about human nature and your family traits. Your husband was a very determined man, as you’ll recall. Suzanne might have inherited some of his qualities. Keep in mind, she is still a very young girl, quite strong and lively. How old is this Witla guy?"
"About thirty-eight or nine, doctor."
"About thirty-eight or thirty-nine, doctor."
"Um! I suspected as much. The fatal age. It's a wonder you came through that period as safely as you did. You're nearly forty, aren't you?"
"Um! I figured as much. The dangerous age. It's a miracle you made it through that time as well as you did. You're almost forty, right?"
"Yes, doctor, but you're the only one that knows it."
"Yeah, doctor, but you're the only one who knows."
"I know, I know. It's the fatal age. You say he is in charge of the United Magazines Corporation. I have probably heard of him. I know of Mr. Colfax of that company. Is he very emotional in his temperament?"
"I get it, I get it. It's the risky age. You say he's the head of the United Magazines Corporation. I've probably heard of him. I know about Mr. Colfax from that company. Is he very emotional?"
"I had never thought so before this."
"I had never thought that way before."
"Well, he probably is. Thirty-eight to thirty-nine and eighteen or nineteen—bad combination. Where is Suzanne?"
"Well, he probably is. Thirty-eight to thirty-nine and eighteen or nineteen—a bad combination. Where is Suzanne?"
"Upstairs in her room, I fancy."
"Upstairs in her room, I imagine."
"It might not be a bad thing if I talked to her myself a little, though I don't believe it will do any good."
"It might not be a bad idea for me to talk to her myself for a bit, even though I don't think it will help."
Mrs. Dale disappeared and was gone for nearly three-quarters [Pg 624] of an hour. Suzanne was stubborn, irritable, and to all preliminary entreaties insisted that she would not. Why should her mother call in outsiders, particularly Dr. Woolley, whom she knew and liked. She suspected at once when her mother said Dr. Woolley wanted to see her that it had something to do with her case, and demanded to know why. Finally, after much pleading, she consented to come down, though it was with the intention of showing her mother how ridiculous all her excitement was.
Mrs. Dale disappeared and was gone for almost 45 minutes. Suzanne was stubborn, irritable, and insisted she wouldn’t listen to any of the early appeals. Why should her mother involve outsiders, especially Dr. Woolley, whom she knew and liked? She immediately suspected that when her mother said Dr. Woolley wanted to see her, it was related to her situation, and she demanded to know why. After a lot of pleading, she finally agreed to come down, but it was with the intention of showing her mother how silly all her excitement was.
The old doctor who had been meditating upon the inexplicable tangle, chemical and physical, of life—the blowing hither and thither of diseases, affections, emotions and hates of all kinds, looked up quizzically as Suzanne entered.
The old doctor, who had been thinking about the confusing mix of chemical and physical aspects of life—the random movement of diseases, feelings, emotions, and various dislikes—looked up curiously as Suzanne walked in.
"Well, Suzanne," he said genially, rising and walking slowly toward her, "I'm glad to see you again. How are you this morning?"
"Well, Suzanne," he said kindly, standing up and walking slowly toward her, "I'm happy to see you again. How are you this morning?"
"Pretty well, doctor, how are you?"
"Pretty good, doctor, how are you?"
"Oh, as you see, as you see, a little older and a little fussier, Suzanne, making other people's troubles my own. Your mother tells me you have fallen in love. That's an interesting thing to do, isn't it?"
"Oh, as you can see, I'm a bit older and a bit pickier, Suzanne, taking on other people's problems as my own. Your mom told me you've fallen in love. That's an interesting thing to do, isn't it?"
"You know, doctor," said Suzanne defiantly, "I told mama that I don't care to discuss this, and I don't think she has any right to try to make me. I don't want to and I won't. I think it is all in rather poor taste."
"You know, doctor," Suzanne said stubbornly, "I told mom that I don't want to talk about this, and I don't think she has any right to try to force me. I don’t want to, and I won’t. I think it's all in pretty bad taste."
"Poor taste, Suzanne?" asked Mrs. Dale. "Do you call our discussion of what you want to do poor taste, when the world will think that what you want to do is terrible when you do it?"
"Poor taste, Suzanne?" Mrs. Dale asked. "You consider our conversation about your plans poor taste, when the world will think what you want to do is awful once you actually go through with it?"
"I told you, mama, that I was not coming down here to discuss this thing, and I'm not!" said Suzanne, turning to her mother and ignoring Dr. Woolley. "I'm not going to stay. I don't want to offend Dr. Woolley, but I'm not going to stay and have you argue this all over again."
"I told you, Mom, that I wasn't coming down here to talk about this, and I'm not!" Suzanne said, turning to her mother and ignoring Dr. Woolley. "I'm not going to stay. I don’t want to upset Dr. Woolley, but I'm not going to stick around and have you argue about this again."
She turned to go.
She turned to leave.
"There, there, Mrs. Dale, don't interrupt," observed Dr. Woolley, holding Suzanne by the very tone of his voice. "I think myself that very little is to be gained by argument. Suzanne is convinced that what she is planning to do is to her best interest. It may be. We can't always tell. I think the best thing that could be discussed, if anything at all in this matter can be discussed, is the matter of time. It is my opinion that before doing this thing that Suzanne wants to do, and which may be all right, for all I know, it would be best if she would [Pg 625] take a little time. I know nothing of Mr. Witla. He may be a most able and worthy man. Suzanne ought to give herself a little time to think, though. I should say three months, or six months. A great many after effects hang on this decision, as you know," he said, turning to Suzanne. "It may involve responsibilities you are not quite ready to shoulder. You are only eighteen or nineteen, you know. You might have to give up dancing and society, and travel, and a great many things, and devote yourself to being a mother and ministering to your husband's needs. You expect to live with him permanently, don't you?"
"There, there, Mrs. Dale, don’t interrupt," Dr. Woolley said, keeping Suzanne calm with his tone. "Honestly, I don’t think arguing is helpful. Suzanne believes that what she’s planning is in her best interest. It might be. We can’t always know. If we’re going to discuss anything about this situation, I think we should focus on timing. In my opinion, before Suzanne goes ahead with her plans—which might be perfectly fine—it would be best for her to take some time. I don’t know anything about Mr. Witla; he could be a fantastic guy. But Suzanne should give herself time to think it over. I’d suggest three or six months. This decision has many consequences, as you know," he said, looking at Suzanne. "It might come with responsibilities you're not ready to take on yet. You’re only eighteen or nineteen, after all. You might have to give up dancing, social events, travel, and a lot of other things to fully commit to being a mother and taking care of your husband. You plan to live with him permanently, right?"
"I don't want to discuss this, Dr. Woolley."
"I don't want to talk about this, Dr. Woolley."
"But you do expect that, don't you?"
"But you do expect that, right?"
"Only as long as we love each other."
"Only as long as we love each other."
"Um, well, you might love him for some little time yet. You rather expect to do that, don't you?"
"Um, well, you might still love him for a little while longer. You kind of expect to, right?"
"Why, yes, but what is the good of this, anyhow? My mind is made up."
"Sure, but what’s the point of this, anyway? I've made up my mind."
"Just the matter of thinking," said Dr. Woolley, very soothingly and in a voice which disarmed Suzanne and held her. "Just a little time in which to be absolutely sure. Your mother is anxious not to have you do it at all. You, as I understand it, want to do this thing right away. Your mother loves you, and at bottom, in spite of this little difference, I know you love her. It just occurred to me that for the sake of good feeling all around, you might like to strike a balance. You might be willing to take, say six months, or a year and think about it. Mr. Witla would probably not object. You won't be any the less delightful to him at the end of that time, and as for your mother, she would feel a great deal better if she thought that, after all, what you decided to do you had done after mature deliberation."
"Just a matter of thinking," Dr. Woolley said soothingly, in a voice that put Suzanne at ease and kept her engaged. "Just a little time to be absolutely sure. Your mom is worried about you going through with this at all. From what I gather, you want to do it immediately. Your mom loves you, and deep down, despite this little disagreement, I know you love her too. It just crossed my mind that, to keep things positive for everyone, you might want to find a middle ground. You could consider taking, say, six months or a year to think it over. Mr. Witla probably wouldn’t mind. You won’t be any less wonderful to him after that time, and as for your mom, she would feel a lot better knowing that whatever decision you make, it's one you reached after careful consideration."
"Yes," exclaimed Mrs. Dale, impulsively, "do take time to think, Suzanne. A year won't hurt you."
"Yes," Mrs. Dale said impulsively, "please take the time to think, Suzanne. A year won't hurt you."
"No," said Suzanne unguardedly. "It is all a matter of whether I want to or not. I don't want to."
"No," Suzanne said honestly. "It’s really just about whether I feel like it or not. I don’t want to."
"Precisely. Still this is something you might take into consideration. The situation from all outside points of view is serious. I haven't said so, but I feel that you would be making a great mistake. Still, that is only my opinion. You are entitled to yours. I know how you feel about it, but the public is not likely to feel quite the same. The public is a wearisome thing, Suzanne, but we have to take it into consideration."
"Exactly. Still, this is something you should think about. The situation looks serious from every outside perspective. I haven’t mentioned it, but I really think you’d be making a big mistake. However, that’s just my opinion, and you have the right to yours. I understand how you feel, but the public probably won’t see it the same way. The public can be exhausting, Suzanne, but we have to consider it."
Suzanne stared stubbornly and wearily at her tormentors. [Pg 626] Their logic did not appeal to her at all. She was thinking of Eugene and her plan. It could be worked. What did she care about the world? During all this talk, she drew nearer and nearer the door and finally opened it.
Suzanne stared stubbornly and tiredly at her tormentors. [Pg 626] Their reasoning didn’t resonate with her at all. She was focused on Eugene and her plan. It could work. Why should she care about the world? Throughout all this conversation, she moved closer and closer to the door and finally opened it.
"Well, that is all," said Dr. Woolley, when he saw she was determined to go. "Good morning, Suzanne. I am glad to have seen you again."
"Well, that’s it," Dr. Woolley said when he saw she was set on leaving. "Good morning, Suzanne. It’s nice to see you again."
"Good morning, Dr. Woolley," she replied.
"Good morning, Dr. Woolley," she said.
She went out and Mrs. Dale wrung her hands. "I wish I knew what was to be done," she exclaimed, gazing at her counselor.
She went outside, and Mrs. Dale anxiously wrung her hands. "I wish I knew what to do," she said, looking at her advisor.
Dr. Woolley brooded over the folly of undesired human counsel.
Dr. Woolley reflected on the foolishness of unwanted human advice.
"There is no need for excitement," he observed after a time. "It is obvious to me that if she is handled rightly, she will wait. She is in a state of high strung opposition and emotion for some reason at present. You have driven her too hard. Relax. Let her think this thing out for herself. Counsel for delay, but don't irritate. You cannot control her by driving. She has too stern a will. Tears won't help. Emotion seems a little silly to her. Ask her to think, or better yet, let her think and plead only for delay. If you could get her away for two or three weeks or months, off by herself undisturbed by your pleadings and uninfluenced by his—if she would ask him of her own accord to let her alone for that time, all will be well. I don't think she will ever go to him. She thinks she will, but I have the feeling that she won't. However, be calm. If you can, get her to go away."
"There’s no need to get worked up," he said after a moment. "It’s clear to me that if she’s treated properly, she will wait. Right now, she’s really on edge and emotional for some reason. You’ve pushed her too hard. Back off. Let her figure this out on her own. Advocate for taking some time, but don't annoy her. You can’t control her by forcing her. She has too strong of a will. Crying won’t make a difference. Emotion seems a bit pointless to her. Encourage her to think, or even better, let her think and just ask for more time. If you could get her away for two or three weeks or even months, completely away from your pleas and not influenced by his—if she could ask him on her own to give her that time, everything will be fine. I don’t think she’ll ever go to him. She believes she will, but I have a feeling that she won’t. Just stay calm. If you can, get her to leave."
"Would it be possible to lock her up in some sanatorium or asylum, doctor, until she has had time to think?"
"Could we put her in a sanatorium or mental health facility, doctor, until she’s had a chance to think?"
"All things are possible, but I should say it would be the most inadvisable thing you could do. Force accomplishes nothing in these cases."
"Anything is possible, but I have to say it would be the worst decision you could make. Force doesn’t achieve anything in situations like this."
"I know, but suppose she won't listen to reason?"
"I get that, but what if she doesn't listen to reason?"
"You really haven't come to that bridge yet. You haven't talked calmly to her yet. You are quarreling with her. There is very little in that. You will simply grow further and further apart."
"You really haven't faced that situation yet. You haven't had a calm conversation with her. You're just arguing with her. That's not going to help at all. You'll only drift further apart."
"How practical you are, doctor," observed Mrs. Dale, in a mollified and complimentary vein.
"How practical you are, doctor," Mrs. Dale remarked, in a softened and flattering tone.
"Not practical, but intuitional. If I were practical, I would never have taken up medicine."
"Not practical, but instinctive. If I were practical, I would have never chosen to study medicine."
He walked to the door, his old body sinking in somewhat [Pg 627] upon itself. His old, gray eyes twinkled slightly as he turned.
He walked to the door, his tired body sagging a bit. His old, gray eyes sparkled slightly as he turned. [Pg 627]
"You were in love once, Mrs. Dale," he said.
"You were in love once, Mrs. Dale," he said.
"Yes," she replied.
"Yep," she replied.
"You remember how you felt then?"
"You remember how you felt back then?"
"Yes."
Yes.
"Be reasonable. Remember your own sensations—your own attitude. You probably weren't crossed in your affair. She is. She has made a mistake. Be patient. Be calm. We want to stop it and no doubt can. Do unto others as you would be done by."
"Be reasonable. Remember your own feelings—your own perspective. You probably weren't upset about your situation. She is. She has made a mistake. Be patient. Stay calm. We want to resolve this and we definitely can. Treat others how you want to be treated."
He ambled shufflingly across the piazza and down the wide steps to his car.
He wandered slowly across the plaza and down the wide steps to his car.
"Mama," she said, when after Dr. Woolley had gone her mother came to her room to see if she might not be in a mellower mood, and to plead with her further for delay, "it seems to me you are making a ridiculous mess of all this. Why should you go and tell Dr. Woolley about me! I will never forgive you for that. Mama, you have done something I never thought you would do. I thought you had more pride—more individuality."
"Mama," she said, after Dr. Woolley had left and her mother came to her room hoping she might be in a softer mood and to persuade her once again to wait, "it seems to me that you're making a complete mess of this. Why would you go and tell Dr. Woolley about me? I will never forgive you for that. Mama, you’ve done something I never thought you would do. I thought you had more pride—more individuality."
One should have seen Suzanne, in her spacious boudoir, her back to her oval mirrored dressing table, her face fronting her mother, to understand her fascination for Eugene. It was a lovely, sunny, many windowed chamber, and Suzanne in a white and blue morning dress was in charming accord with the gay atmosphere of the room.
One should have seen Suzanne in her spacious bedroom, with her back to her oval mirrored dressing table and her face facing her mother, to understand her fascination with Eugene. It was a lovely, sunny room with many windows, and Suzanne, wearing a white and blue morning dress, perfectly matched the cheerful vibe of the space.
"Well, Suzanne, you know," she said, rather despondently, "I just couldn't help it. I had to go to someone. I am quite alone apart from you and Kinroy and the children"—she referred to Adele and Ninette as the children when talking to either Suzanne or Kinroy—"and I didn't want to say anything to them. You have been my only confidant up to now, and since you have turned against me——"
"Well, Suzanne, you know," she said, rather sadly, "I just couldn't help it. I had to talk to someone. I'm pretty much alone except for you, Kinroy, and the kids"—she called Adele and Ninette the kids when speaking to either Suzanne or Kinroy—"and I didn't want to say anything to them. You’ve been my only confidant until now, and since you’ve turned against me——"
"I haven't turned against you, mama."
"I haven't betrayed you, Mom."
"Oh, yes you have. Let's not talk about it, Suzanne. You have broken my heart. You are killing me. I just had to go to someone. We have known Dr. Woolley so long. He is so good and kind."
"Oh, yes, you have. Let's not discuss it, Suzanne. You've broken my heart. You're killing me. I had to talk to someone. We've known Dr. Woolley for so long. He's so good and kind."
"Oh, I know, mama, but what good will it do? How can anything he might say help matters? He isn't going to change me. You're only telling it to somebody who oughtn't to know anything about it."
"Oh, I know, mom, but what good will it do? How can anything he says help? He isn’t going to change me. You’re just telling it to someone who shouldn't know anything about it."
"But I thought he might influence you," pleaded Mrs. Dale. [Pg 628] "I thought you would listen to him. Oh, dear, oh, dear. I'm so tired of it all. I wish I were dead. I wish I had never lived to see this."
"But I thought he might change your mind," Mrs. Dale urged. [Pg 628] "I thought you would pay attention to him. Oh, dear, oh, dear. I'm so exhausted from all of this. I wish I were dead. I wish I had never lived to witness this."
"Now there you go, mama," said Suzanne confidently. "I can't see why you are so distressed about what I am going to do. It is my life that I am planning to arrange, not yours. I have to live my life, mama, not you."
"Now there you go, mom," said Suzanne confidently. "I can't understand why you're so upset about what I'm going to do. I'm planning my life, not yours. I have to live my life, mom, not you."
"Oh, yes, but it is just that that distresses me. What will it be after you do this—after you throw it away? Oh, if you could only see what you are contemplating doing—what a wretched thing it will be when it is all over with. You will never live with him—he is too old for you, too fickle, too insincere. He will not care for you after a little while, and then there you will be, unmarried, possibly with a child on your hands, a social outcast! Where will you go?"
"Oh, yes, but that’s exactly what bothers me. What will happen after you do this—after you throw it away? Oh, if you could just see what you’re thinking of doing—what a miserable situation it will be when it’s all wrapped up. You will never truly be with him—he's too old for you, too unreliable, too dishonest. He won't care about you after a while, and then you’ll be left alone, possibly with a child, a social outcast! Where will you go?"
"Mama," said Suzanne calmly, her lips parted in a rosy, baby way, "I have thought of all this. I see how it is. But I think you and everybody else make too much ado about these things. You think of everything that could happen, but it doesn't all happen that way. People do these things, I'm sure, and nothing much is thought of it."
"Mama," said Suzanne calmly, her lips slightly parted in a sweet, innocent way, "I've thought about all of this. I understand how it is. But I believe you and everyone else are making too big a deal out of these things. You focus on everything that could go wrong, but it doesn't always happen that way. People do these things, I'm sure, and it doesn't seem to be a big deal."
"Yes, in books," put in Mrs. Dale. "I know where you get all this from. It's your reading."
"Yeah, it's from books," added Mrs. Dale. "I know where you got all this. It's from your reading."
"Anyhow, I'm going to. I have made up my mind," added Suzanne. "I have decided that by September fifteenth I will go to Mr. Witla, and you might just as well make up your mind to it now." This was August tenth.
"Anyway, I'm going to do it. I've made up my mind," Suzanne added. "I've decided that by September fifteenth, I'm going to see Mr. Witla, and you might as well accept it now." This was August tenth.
"Suzanne," said her mother, staring at her, "I never imagined you could talk in this way to me. You will do nothing of the kind. How can you be so hard? I did not know that you had such a terrible will in you. Doesn't anything I have said about Adele and Ninette or Kinroy appeal to you? Have you no heart in you? Why don't you wait, as Dr. Woolley suggests, six months or a year? Why do you talk about jumping into this without giving yourself time to think? It is such a wild, rash experiment. You haven't thought anything about it, you haven't had time."
"Suzanne," her mother said, staring at her, "I never thought you could speak to me like this. You will not behave this way. How can you be so unyielding? I didn’t realize you had such a strong will. Does nothing I've said about Adele, Ninette, or Kinroy matter to you? Don’t you have any compassion? Why don’t you wait, as Dr. Woolley suggests, for six months or a year? Why are you so eager to dive into this without giving yourself time to reflect? It’s such a reckless and hasty decision. You haven’t thought it through; you haven’t had the time."
"Oh, yes, I have, mama!" replied Suzanne. "I've thought a great deal about it. I'm fully convinced. I want to do it then because I told Eugene that I would not keep him waiting long; and I won't. I want to go to him. That will make a clear two months since we first talked of this."
"Oh, yes, I have, Mom!" replied Suzanne. "I've thought a lot about it. I'm totally convinced. I want to do it because I told Eugene that I wouldn't keep him waiting long, and I won't. I want to go to him. That will make it a full two months since we first talked about this."
Mrs. Dale winced. She had no idea of yielding to her daughter, or letting her do this, but this definite conclusion as to the [Pg 629] time brought matters finally to a head. Her daughter was out of her mind, that was all. It gave her not any too much time to turn round in. She must get Suzanne out of the city—out of the country, if possible, or lock her up, and she must do it without antagonizing her too much.
Mrs. Dale flinched. She had no intention of giving in to her daughter or letting her do this, but this firm conclusion about the [Pg 629] time pushed everything to a breaking point. Her daughter was acting irrationally, that was clear. She didn’t have much time to figure things out. She needed to get Suzanne out of the city—out of the country, if possible—or confine her, and she had to do it without causing too much conflict.
CHAPTER XVI
Mrs. Dale's next step in this struggle was to tell Kinroy, who wanted, of course, in a fit of boyish chivalry, to go immediately and kill Eugene. This was prevented by Mrs. Dale, who had more control over him than she had over Suzanne, pointing out to him what a terrifically destructive scandal would ensue and urging subtlety and patience. Kinroy had a sincere affection for his sisters, particularly Suzanne and Adele, and he wanted to protect all of them. He decided in a pompous, ultra chivalrous spirit that he must help his mother plan, and together they talked of chloroforming her some night, of carrying her thus, as a sick girl, in a private car to Maine or the Adirondacks or somewhere in Canada.
Mrs. Dale's next move in this situation was to tell Kinroy, who, in a rush of boyish gallantry, wanted to go right away and kill Eugene. Mrs. Dale stopped him, as she had more influence over him than she did over Suzanne, pointing out the massive scandal that would follow and urging him to be subtle and patient. Kinroy genuinely cared for his sisters, especially Suzanne and Adele, and he wanted to protect all of them. In a grand, overly chivalrous way, he decided that he should help his mother make a plan, and together they discussed the idea of chloroforming her one night and secretly taking her, pretending she was sick, in a private car to Maine, the Adirondacks, or somewhere in Canada.
It would be useless to follow all these strategic details in their order. There were, after the five days agreed upon by Suzanne, attempted phone messages by Eugene, which were frustrated by Kinroy, who was now fulfilling the rôle of private detective. Suzanne resolved to have Eugene summoned to the house for a discussion, but to this her mother objected. She felt that additional meetings would simply strengthen their bond of union. Kinroy wrote to Eugene of his own accord that he knew all, and that if he attempted to come near the place he would kill him at sight. Suzanne, finding herself blocked and detained by her mother, wrote Eugene a letter which Elizabeth, her maid, secretly conveyed to the mail for her, telling him how things stood. Her mother had told Dr. Woolley and Kinroy. She had decided that September fifteenth was the time she would leave home, unless their companionship was quietly sanctioned. Kinroy had threatened to kill him to her, but she did not think he had anything to fear. Kinroy was just excited. Her mother wanted her to go to Europe for six months and think it over, but this she would not do. She was not going to leave the city, and he need not fear, if he did not hear anything for a few days at a time, that anything was wrong with her. They must wait until the storm subsided a little. "I shall be here, but perhaps it is best for you not to try to see me just now. When the time comes, I will come to you, and if I get a chance, I will see you before."
It would be pointless to follow all these strategic details in order. After the five days Suzanne agreed upon, Eugene attempted to call, but Kinroy, who was now acting like a private detective, blocked those efforts. Suzanne decided to summon Eugene to the house for a discussion, but her mother objected. She believed that more meetings would only strengthen their connection. Kinroy, on his own initiative, wrote to Eugene, saying he knew everything and that if he tried to get near the place, he would kill him on sight. Feeling trapped by her mother, Suzanne wrote a letter to Eugene, which her maid, Elizabeth, secretly mailed for her, explaining the situation. Her mother had informed Dr. Woolley and Kinroy. She decided that September fifteenth was the day she would leave home unless their relationship was quietly approved. Kinroy had threatened Eugene to her, but she didn't think he had anything to worry about. Kinroy was just worked up. Her mother wanted her to go to Europe for six months to think things over, but she refused. She wasn’t going to leave the city, and Eugene shouldn’t worry if he didn’t hear from her for a few days. They just needed to wait until things calmed down a bit. “I’ll be here, but maybe it’s best if you don’t try to see me right now. When the time is right, I’ll come to you, and if I get a chance, I’ll see you before then.”
Eugene was both pained and surprised at the turn things had taken, but still encouraged to hope for the best by the attitude [Pg 631] Suzanne took toward it all. Her courage strengthened him. She was calm, so purposeful! What a treasure she was!
Eugene felt both hurt and shocked by how things had changed, but he was still encouraged to hope for the best because of how Suzanne was handling it all. Her bravery inspired him. She was so calm and determined! What a gem she was!
So began a series of daily love notes for a few days, until Suzanne advised him to cease. There were constant arguments between her, her mother and Kinroy. Because she was being so obviously frustrated, she began to grow bitter and hard, and short contradictory phrases passed between her and her mother, principally originating in Suzanne.
So started a few days of daily love notes, until Suzanne told him to stop. There were constant fights between her, her mom, and Kinroy. Since she was so obviously frustrated, she began to become bitter and tough, and short, conflicting remarks were exchanged between her and her mom, mainly coming from Suzanne.
"No, no, no!" was her constantly reiterated statement. "I won't do it! What of it? It's silly! Let me alone! I won't talk!" So it went.
"No, no, no!" was her repeatedly stated position. "I won't do it! So what? It's ridiculous! Leave me alone! I won't talk!" And that was how it went.
Mrs. Dale was planning hourly how to abduct her. Chloroforming and secret removal after the fashion she had in her mind was not so easy of accomplishment. It was such a desperate thing to do to Suzanne. She was afraid she might die under its influence. It could not be administered without a doctor. The servants would think it strange. She fancied there were whispered suspicions already. Finally she thought of pretending to agree with Suzanne, removing all barriers, and asking her to come to Albany to confer with her guardian, or rather the legal representative of the Marquardt Trust Company, which held her share of her father the late Westfield Dale's estate in trust for her, in regard to some property in western New York, which belonged to her. Mrs. Dale decided to pretend to be obliged to go to Albany in order to have Suzanne sign a waiver of right to any share in her mother's private estate, after which, supposedly, she would give Suzanne her freedom, having also disinherited her in her will. Suzanne, according to this scheme, was then to come back to New York and go her way and her mother was not to see her any more.
Mrs. Dale was planning every hour how to kidnap her. Chloroforming her and secretly taking her away like she had in mind wasn’t so easy to pull off. It was such a desperate thing to do to Suzanne. She was worried that Suzanne might die from it. It couldn’t be done without a doctor. The staff would find it odd. She imagined there were already whispers of suspicion. Finally, she thought about pretending to agree with Suzanne, eliminating all obstacles, and asking her to come to Albany to talk with her guardian, or rather the legal representative of the Marquardt Trust Company, which managed her share of her late father Westfield Dale's estate for her, regarding some property in western New York that belonged to her. Mrs. Dale decided to act like she needed to go to Albany to have Suzanne sign a waiver giving up any claim to her mother’s private estate, after which, supposedly, she would give Suzanne her freedom, having also cut her out of her will. According to this plan, Suzanne would then return to New York and go her own way, and her mother would never see her again.
To make this more effective, Kinroy was sent to tell her of her mother's plan and beg her for her own and her family's sake not to let the final separation come about. Mrs. Dale changed her manner. Kinroy acted his part so effectively that what with her mother's resigned look and indifferent method of address, Suzanne was partly deceived. She imagined her mother had experienced a complete change of heart and might be going to do what Kinroy said.
To make this more effective, Kinroy was sent to tell her about her mother's plan and to ask her, for her own sake and her family's, not to let the final separation happen. Mrs. Dale changed her attitude. Kinroy played his part so well that, with her mother's resigned expression and casual tone, Suzanne was partially fooled. She thought her mother had completely changed her mind and might actually do what Kinroy suggested.
"No," she replied to Kinroy's pleadings, "I don't care whether she cuts me off. I'll be very glad to sign the papers. If she wants me to go away, I'll go. I think she has acted very foolishly through all this, and so have you."
"No," she replied to Kinroy's pleas, "I don't care if she cuts me off. I'll be more than happy to sign the papers. If she wants me to leave, I will. I think she's acted really foolishly through all of this, and so have you."
"I wish you wouldn't let her do that," observed Kinroy, who [Pg 632] was rather exulting over the satisfactory manner in which this bait was being swallowed. "Mama is broken hearted. She wants you to stay here, to wait six months or a year before you do anything at all, but if you won't, she's going to ask you to do this. I've tried to persuade her not to. I'd hate like anything to see you go. Won't you change your mind?"
"I really wish you wouldn't let her do that," Kinroy said, feeling quite pleased with how well this bait was being taken. "Mom is heartbroken. She wants you to stay here and wait six months or a year before you do anything, but if you won't, she’s going to ask you to do this. I've tried to talk her out of it. I would hate to see you go. Can’t you please change your mind?"
"I told you I wouldn't, Kinroy. Don't ask me."
"I told you I wouldn't, Kinroy. Just don't ask me."
Kinroy went back to his mother and reported that Suzanne was stubborn as ever, but that the trick would in all probability work. She would go aboard the train thinking she was going to Albany. Once aboard, inside a closed car, she would scarcely suspect until the next morning, and then they would be far in the Adirondack Mountains.
Kinroy went back to his mother and said that Suzanne was as stubborn as always, but that the plan would probably work. She would get on the train thinking she was headed to Albany. Once she was on board, in a closed car, she wouldn’t suspect a thing until the next morning, and by then they would be deep in the Adirondack Mountains.
The scheme worked in part. Her mother, as had Kinroy, went through this prearranged scene as well as though she were on the stage. Suzanne fancied she saw her freedom near at hand. Only a travelling bag was packed, and Suzanne went willingly enough into the auto and the train, only stipulating one thing—that she be allowed to call up Eugene and explain. Both Kinroy and her mother objected, but, when finally she refused flatly to go without, they acceded. She called him up at the office—it was four o'clock in the afternoon, and they were leaving at five-thirty—and told him. He fancied at once it was a ruse, and told her so, but she thought not. Mrs. Dale had never lied to her before, neither had her brother. Their words were as bonds.
The plan partially succeeded. Her mother, just like Kinroy, played her role in this staged scene as if she were on a stage. Suzanne believed she could see her freedom within reach. Only a travel bag was packed, and Suzanne willingly got into the car and the train, only insisting on one thing—that she be allowed to call Eugene and explain what was happening. Both Kinroy and her mother objected, but when she firmly refused to go without making the call, they relented. She dialed his office—it was four o'clock in the afternoon, and they were set to leave at five-thirty—and informed him. He immediately thought it was a trick and told her as much, but she disagreed. Mrs. Dale had never lied to her before, and neither had her brother. Their words meant everything.
"Eugene says this is a trap, mama," said Suzanne, turning from the phone to her mother, who was near by. "Is it?"
"Eugene says this is a trap, Mom," Suzanne said, turning from the phone to her mother, who was nearby. "Is it?"
"You know it isn't," replied her mother, lying unblushingly.
"You know it isn't," her mother replied, lying without shame.
"If it is, it will come to nothing," she replied, and Eugene heard her. He was strengthened into acquiescence by the tone of her voice. Surely she was a wonderful girl—a master of men and women in her way.
"If it is, it won't lead to anything," she replied, and Eugene heard her. The tone of her voice made him agree. She was definitely an amazing girl—a true master of people in her own way.
"Very well, if you think it's all right," said Eugene; "but I'll be very lonely. I've been so already. I shall be more so, Flower Face, unless I see you soon. Oh, if the time were only up!"
"Okay, if you think it's fine," said Eugene; "but I’ll feel really lonely. I already have been. I’ll feel even lonelier, Flower Face, unless I see you soon. Oh, if only the time would pass faster!"
"It will be, Eugene," she replied, "in a very few days now. I'll be back Thursday, and then you can come down and see me."
"It will be, Eugene," she replied, "in just a few days now. I'll be back on Thursday, and then you can come down and see me."
"Thursday afternoon?"
"Thursday afternoon?"
"Yes. We're to be back Thursday morning."
"Yes. We'll be back Thursday morning."
She finally hung up the receiver and they entered the automobile and an hour later the train.
She finally hung up the phone, and they got into the car, and an hour later, the train.
CHAPTER XVII
It was a Montreal, Ottawa and Quebec express, and it ran without stopping to Albany. By the time it was nearing the latter place Suzanne was going to bed—and because it was a private car—Mrs. Dale explained that the president of the road had lent it to her—no announcement of its arrival, which would have aroused Suzanne, was made by the porter. When it stopped there shortly after ten o'clock it was the last car at the south end of the train, and you could hear voices calling, but just what it was was not possible to say. Suzanne, who had already gone to bed, fancied it might be Poughkeepsie or some wayside station. Her mother's statement was that since they arrived so late, the car would be switched to a siding, and they would stay aboard until morning. Nevertheless, she and Kinroy were alert to prevent any untoward demonstration or decision on Suzanne's part, and so, as the train went on, she slept soundly until Burlington in the far northern part of Vermont was reached the next morning. When she awoke and saw that the train was still speeding on, she wondered vaguely but not clearly what it could mean. There were mountains about, or rather tall, pine-covered hills, mountain streams were passed on high trestles and sections of burned woodlands were passed where forest fires had left lonely, sad charred stretches of tree trunks towering high in the air. Suddenly it occurred to Suzanne that this was peculiar, and she came out of the bath to ask why.
It was an express train from Montreal to Ottawa and Quebec, running straight to Albany without any stops. By the time it was getting close to Albany, Suzanne was getting ready for bed—and since it was a private car—Mrs. Dale mentioned that the president of the railroad had lent it to her. The porter didn't announce the train's arrival, which would have woken Suzanne. When the train stopped shortly after ten o'clock, it was the last car at the south end, and you could hear voices calling, but it was hard to tell what they were saying. Suzanne, already in bed, thought it might be Poughkeepsie or some small station. Her mother said that since they were arriving so late, the car would be switched to a siding, and they'd stay on it until morning. Still, Mrs. Dale and Kinroy were alert to stop any unexpected actions or decisions from Suzanne, so she slept soundly until they reached Burlington in far northern Vermont the next morning. When she woke up and saw the train was still moving fast, she felt a vague sense of curiosity about what it all meant. There were mountains around, or rather tall, pine-covered hills, and they passed over mountain streams on high trestles, as well as areas of burned woods where forest fires had left behind lonely, charred tree trunks standing tall. Suddenly, Suzanne realized this was strange, and she came out of the bathroom to ask why.
"Where are we, mama?" she asked. Mrs. Dale was leaning back in a comfortable willow chair reading, or pretending to read a book. Kinroy was out on the observation platform for a moment. He came back though shortly, for he was nervous as to what Suzanne would do when she discovered her whereabouts. A hamper of food had been put aboard the night before, unknown to Suzanne, and Mrs. Dale was going shortly to serve breakfast. She had not risked a maid on this journey.
"Where are we, Mom?" she asked. Mrs. Dale was leaning back in a comfy willow chair, reading, or pretending to read a book. Kinroy was outside on the observation platform for a moment. He came back quickly, feeling anxious about what Suzanne would do when she realized where she was. A basket of food had been packed the night before, without Suzanne knowing, and Mrs. Dale was about to serve breakfast. She didn’t want to take a maid on this trip.
"I don't know," replied her mother indifferently, looking out at a stretch of burnt woods.
"I don't know," her mother replied casually, staring out at a stretch of burnt forest.
"I thought we were to be in Albany a little after midnight?" said Suzanne.
"I thought we were supposed to be in Albany a little after midnight?" said Suzanne.
"So we were," replied Mrs. Dale, preparing to confess. Kinroy came back into the car.
"So we were," said Mrs. Dale, getting ready to admit something. Kinroy returned to the car.
"Well, then," said Suzanne, pausing, looking first out of the [Pg 634] windows and then fixedly at her mother. It came to her as she saw the unsettled, somewhat nervous expression in her mother's face and eyes and in Kinroy's that this was a trick and that she was being taken somewhere—where?—against her will.
"Well, then," said Suzanne, pausing, looking first out of the [Pg 634] windows and then intently at her mother. As she noticed the anxious, somewhat tense look on her mother’s face and in Kinroy’s, it dawned on her that this was a trick and that she was being taken somewhere—where?—against her will.
"This is a trick, mama," she said to her mother grandly. "You have lied to me—you and Kinroy. We are not going to Albany at all. Where are we going?"
"This is a trick, Mom," she said to her mother with flair. "You’ve lied to me—you and Kinroy. We’re not going to Albany at all. Where are we actually going?"
"I don't want to tell you now, Suzanne," replied Mrs. Dale quietly. "Have your bath and we'll talk about it afterwards. It doesn't matter. We're going up into Canada, if you want to know. We are nearly there now. You'll know fast enough when we get there."
"I don't want to tell you right now, Suzanne," Mrs. Dale replied softly. "Take your bath and we'll talk about it later. It doesn't matter. We're heading up to Canada, if you're curious. We're almost there now. You'll find out soon enough when we arrive."
"Mama," replied Suzanne, "this is a despicable trick! You are going to be sorry for this. You have lied to me—you and Kinroy. I see it now. I might have known, but I didn't believe you would lie to me, mama. I can't do anything just now, I see that very plainly. But when the time comes, you are going to be sorry. You can't control me this way. You ought to know better. You yourself are going to take me back to New York." And she fixed her mother with a steady look which betokened a mastership which her mother felt nervously and wearily she might eventually be compelled to acknowledge.
"Mama," Suzanne replied, "this is a terrible trick! You're going to regret this. You've lied to me—you and Kinroy. I see it clearly now. I should have known, but I didn’t think you would lie to me, Mama. I can't do anything right now, and I see that very clearly. But when the time comes, you're going to be sorry. You can't control me like this. You should know better. You yourself are going to take me back to New York." And she looked her mother in the eye with a gaze that suggested a dominance her mother felt anxious and tired about possibly having to admit.
"Now, Suzanne, what's the use of talking that way?" pleaded Kinroy. "Mama is almost crazy, as it is. She couldn't think of any other way or thing to do."
"Come on, Suzanne, why talk like that?" Kinroy urged. "Mom is already pretty overwhelmed. She can't think of anything else to do."
"You hush, Kinroy," replied Suzanne. "I don't care to talk to you. You have lied to me, and that is more than I ever did to you. Mama, I am astonished at you," she returned to her mother. "My mother lying to me! Very well, mama. You have things in your hands today. I will have them in mine later. You have taken just the wrong course. Now you wait and see."
"You be quiet, Kinroy," Suzanne said. "I don't want to talk to you. You've lied to me, and that's more than I ever did to you. Mom, I'm really shocked at you," she turned back to her mother. "My mom lying to me! Fine, Mom. You're in control today. I'll take charge later. You've made a big mistake. Just wait and see."
Mrs. Dale winced and quailed. This girl was the most unterrified, determined fighter she had ever known. She wondered where she got her courage—from her late husband, probably. She could actually feel the quietness, grit, lack of fear, which had grown up in her during the last few weeks under the provocation which antagonism had provided. "Please don't talk that way, Suzanne," she pleaded. "I have done it all for your own good. You know I have. Why will you torture me? You know I won't give you up to that man. I won't. I'll move heaven and earth first. I'll die in this struggle, but I won't give you up."
Mrs. Dale flinched and shrank back. This girl was the most fearless, determined fighter she had ever known. She wondered where her courage came from—probably from her late husband. She could actually feel the calmness, grit, and absence of fear that had developed in her over the past few weeks through the challenges brought on by hostility. "Please don’t talk like that, Suzanne," she begged. "I've done everything for your own good. You know that. Why do you want to put me through this? You know I won’t let you go to that man. I won’t. I’ll move heaven and earth first. I’ll fight to the end, but I won’t give you up."
"Then you'll die, mama, for I'm going to do what I said. You can take me to where this car stops, but you can't take me [Pg 635] out of it. I'm going back to New York. Now, a lot you have accomplished, haven't you?"
"Then you'll die, Mom, because I'm going to do what I said. You can take me to where this car stops, but you can't take me [Pg 635] out of it. I'm going back to New York. Well, haven't you accomplished a lot?"
"Suzanne, I am convinced almost that you are out of your mind. You have almost driven me out of mine, but I am still sane enough to see what is right."
"Suzanne, I'm almost convinced that you're crazy. You've nearly driven me crazy too, but I'm still sane enough to know what's right."
"Mama, I don't propose to talk to you any more, or to Kinroy. You can take me back to New York, or you can leave me, but you will not get me out of this car. I am done with listening to nonsense and pretences. You have lied to me once. You will not get a chance to do it again."
"Mama, I’m not going to talk to you or Kinroy anymore. You can either take me back to New York or leave me here, but I’m not getting out of this car. I’m done with all the nonsense and pretending. You’ve lied to me once, and you won’t get the chance to do it again."
"I don't care, Suzanne," replied her mother, as the train sped swiftly along. "You have forced me to do this. It is your own attitude that is causing all the trouble. If you would be reasonable and take some time to think this all over, you would not be where you are now. I won't let you do this thing that you want to do. You can stay in the car if you wish, but you cannot be taken back to New York without money. I will speak to the station agent about that."
"I don't care, Suzanne," her mother replied as the train rushed by. "You've made me do this. It's your own attitude that's causing all the problems. If you could be reasonable and take some time to think this through, you wouldn't be in this situation. I won't allow you to do what you want to do. You can stay in the car if you want, but you can't go back to New York without money. I'll talk to the station agent about that."
Suzanne thought of this. She had no money, no clothes, other than those she had on. She was in a strange country and not so very used to travelling alone. She had really gone to very few places in times past by herself. It took the edge off her determination to resist, but she was not conquered by any means.
Suzanne thought about it. She had no money, no clothes aside from what she was wearing. She was in a foreign country and not very experienced with traveling alone. In the past, she had barely been to a few places by herself. It dampened her determination to fight back, but she was far from being defeated.
"How are you going to get back?" asked her mother, after a time, when Suzanne paid no attention to her. "You have no money. Surely, Suzanne, you are not going to make a scene? I only want you to come up here for a few weeks so that you will have time to think away from that man. I don't want you to go to him on September the fifteenth. I just won't let you do that. Why won't you be reasonable? You can have a pleasant time up here. You like to ride. You are welcome to do that. I will ride with you. You can invite some of your friends up here, if you choose. I will send for your clothes. Only stay here a while and think over what you are going to do."
"How are you planning to get back?" her mother asked after a while, noticing that Suzanne was ignoring her. "You don't have any money. Come on, Suzanne, you’re not going to cause a scene, are you? I just want you to come up here for a few weeks so you can think away from that guy. I won’t let you go to him on September fifteenth. Why can't you be reasonable? You can have a good time here. You love to ride. You’re welcome to do that. I’ll ride with you. If you want, you can invite some of your friends over. I’ll send for your clothes. Just stay here for a bit and think about what you want to do."
Suzanne refused to talk. She was thinking what she could do. Eugene was back in New York. He would expect her Thursday.
Suzanne wouldn't say a word. She was trying to figure out what she could do. Eugene was back in New York. He would be expecting her on Thursday.
"Yes, Suzanne," put in Kinroy. "Why not take ma's advice? She's trying to do the best thing by you. This is a terrible thing you are trying to do. Why not listen to common sense and stay up here three or four months?"
"Yes, Suzanne," Kinroy said. "Why not take Mom's advice? She's trying to do what's best for you. This is a really bad thing you're considering. Why not listen to reason and stay up here for three or four months?"
"Don't talk like a parrot, Kinroy! I'm hearing all this from mama."
"Stop talking like a parrot, Kinroy! I'm hearing all of this from Mom."
When her mother reproached her, she said: "Oh, hush, [Pg 636] mama, I don't care to hear anything more. I won't do anything of the sort. You lied to me. You said you were going to Albany. You brought me out here under a pretence. Now you can take me back. I won't go to any lodge. I won't go anywhere, except to New York. You might just as well not argue with me."
When her mom scolded her, she replied, "Oh, come on, mama, I don’t want to hear anything else. I’m not doing that. You lied to me. You said you were going to Albany. You tricked me into coming out here. Now just take me back. I’m not going to any lodge. I’m not going anywhere except New York. You might as well stop trying to convince me."
The train rolled on. Breakfast was served. The private car was switched to the tracks of the Canadian Pacific at Montreal. Her mother's pleas continued. Suzanne refused to eat. She sat and looked out of the window, meditating over this strange dénouement. Where was Eugene? What was he doing? What would he think when she did not come back? She was not enraged at her mother. She was merely contemptuous of her. This trick irritated and disgusted her. She was not thinking of Eugene in any wild way, but merely that she would get back to him. She conceived of him much as she did of herself though her conception of her real self was still vague as strong, patient, resourceful, able to live without her a little while if he had to. She was eager to see him, but really more eager that he should see her if he wanted to. What a creature he must take her mother to be!
The train moved along. Breakfast was served. The private car was switched to the Canadian Pacific tracks in Montreal. Her mother kept pleading. Suzanne wouldn’t eat. She sat looking out the window, reflecting on this bizarre outcome. Where was Eugene? What was he up to? What would he think when she didn’t come back? She wasn’t angry with her mother. She just felt disdain for her. This manipulation annoyed and disgusted her. She didn’t think of Eugene in an exaggerated way; she just thought about getting back to him. She viewed him much like she viewed herself, although her idea of her true self was still unclear yet strong, patient, resourceful, and capable of living without her for a little while if he had to. She was eager to see him, but really more eager for him to see her if he wanted. What a person he must think her mother is!
By noon they had reached Juinata, by two o'clock they were fifty miles west of Quebec. At first, Suzanne thought she would not eat at all to spite her mother. Later she reasoned that that was silly and ate. She made it exceedingly unpleasant for them by her manner, and they realized that by bringing her away from New York they had merely transferred their troubles. Her spirit was not broken as yet. It filled the car with a disturbing vibration.
By noon, they had arrived in Juinata, and by two o'clock, they were fifty miles west of Quebec. At first, Suzanne thought about not eating at all to spite her mother. Later, she figured that was silly and decided to eat. She made things really uncomfortable for them with her attitude, and they understood that by taking her away from New York, they had just moved their problems somewhere else. Her spirit wasn't broken yet. It filled the car with an unsettling energy.
"Suzanne," questioned her mother at one point, "won't you talk to me? Won't you see I'm trying to do this for your own good? I want to give you time to think. I really don't want to coerce you, but you must see."
"Suzanne," her mother asked at one point, "won't you talk to me? Can't you see I'm trying to do this for your own good? I want to give you time to think. I really don't want to pressure you, but you need to understand."
Suzanne merely stared out of the window at the green fields speeding by.
Suzanne just watched the green fields rush by outside the window.
"Suzanne! Don't you see this will never do? Can't you see how terrible it all is?"
"Suzanne! Don't you realize this just isn't going to work? Can't you see how awful everything is?"
"Mama, I want you to let me alone. You have done what you thought was the right thing to do. Now let me alone. You lied to me, mama. I don't want to talk to you. I want you to take me back to New York. You have nothing else to do. Don't try to explain. You haven't any explanation."
"Mama, I want you to leave me alone. You did what you thought was right. Now just let me be. You lied to me, Mom. I don't want to talk to you. I want you to take me back to New York. You have nothing else to do. Don't try to explain. You have no explanation."
Mrs. Dale's spirit fairly raged, but it was impotent in the presence of this her daughter. She could do nothing.
Mrs. Dale's spirit was boiling with anger, but it felt powerless around her daughter. She could do nothing.
[Pg 637] Still more hours, and at one small town Suzanne decided to get off, but both Mrs. Dale and Kinroy offered actual physical opposition. They felt intensely silly and ashamed, though, for they could not break the spirit of the girl. She ignored their minds—their mental attitude in the most contemptuous way. Mrs. Dale cried. Then her face hardened. Then she pleaded. Her daughter merely looked loftily away.
[Pg 637] After a few more hours, in a small town, Suzanne decided she wanted to get off, but both Mrs. Dale and Kinroy physically tried to stop her. They felt really silly and embarrassed, though, because they couldn’t break the girl’s spirit. She dismissed their thoughts—she regarded their mental state with the utmost disdain. Mrs. Dale cried. Then her expression hardened. Then she begged. Her daughter simply looked away as if she were above it all.
At Three Rivers Suzanne stayed in the car and refused to move. Mrs. Dale pleaded, threatened to call aid, stated that she would charge her with insanity. It was all without avail. The car was uncoupled after the conductor had asked Mrs. Dale if she did not intend to leave it. She was beside herself, frantic with rage, shame, baffled opposition.
At Three Rivers, Suzanne stayed in the car and wouldn't budge. Mrs. Dale begged, threatened to call for help, and said she would have her committed. It was all in vain. The car was uncoupled after the conductor asked Mrs. Dale if she planned to get out. She was beside herself, frantic with anger, embarrassment, and confused resistance.
"I think you are terrible!" she exclaimed to Suzanne. "You are a little demon. We will live in this car, then. We will see."
"I think you're awful!" she shouted at Suzanne. "You're such a little devil. We'll just live in this car, then. We'll see."
She knew that this could not be, for the car was only leased for the outward trip and had to be returned the next day.
She realized that this couldn't happen, since the car was only rented for the outward trip and needed to be returned the next day.
The car was pushed on to a siding.
The car was pushed onto a side track.
"I beg of you, Suzanne. Please don't make a mockery of us. This is terrible. What will people think?"
"I’m begging you, Suzanne. Please don’t make a joke out of us. This is awful. What will people think?"
"I don't care what they think," said Suzanne.
"I don't care what they think," Suzanne said.
"But you can't stay here."
"But you can't hang out here."
"Oh, yes, I can!"
"Oh, yes, I can!"
"Come, get off, please do. We won't stay up here indefinitely. I'll take you back. Promise me to stay a month and I'll give you my solemn word I'll take you back at the end of that time. I'm getting sick of this. I can't stand it. Do what you like after that. Only stay a month now."
"Come on, get down, please. We can't stay up here forever. I'll take you back. Just promise me you'll stick around for a month, and I swear I'll take you back at the end of that time. I'm really getting tired of this. I can't take it anymore. Do whatever you want after that, just stay for a month now."
"No, mama," replied Suzanne. "No, you won't. You lied to me. You're lying to me now, just as you did before."
"No, mom," Suzanne replied. "No, you won't. You lied to me. You're lying to me now, just like you did before."
"I swear to you I'm not. I lied that once, but I was frantic. Oh, Suzanne, please, please. Be reasonable. Have some consideration. I will take you back, but wait for some clothes to arrive. We can't go this way."
"I promise I'm not. I lied that one time, but I was desperate. Oh, Suzanne, please, please. Be reasonable. Think about it a little. I'll take you back, but let’s wait for some clothes to arrive. We can't go like this."
She sent Kinroy for the station master, to whom was explained the need of a carriage to take them to Mont Cecile and also for a doctor—this was Mrs. Dale's latest thought—to whom she proposed to accuse Suzanne of insanity. Help to remove her was to be called. She told this to Suzanne, who simply glared at her.
She sent Kinroy to get the station master, and explained that they needed a carriage to take them to Mont Cecile, as well as a doctor—this was Mrs. Dale's latest idea—to whom she planned to claim that Suzanne was insane. Help to take her away was to be summoned. She told this to Suzanne, who just stared at her in anger.
"Get the doctor, mama," she said. "We will see if I have to go that way. But you will rue every step of this. You will be thoroughly sorry for every silly step you have taken."
"Call the doctor, Mom," she said. "We’ll find out if I have to go that route. But you will regret every single step you’ve taken. You’re going to be really sorry for all those foolish choices."
[Pg 638] When the carriage arrived, Suzanne refused to get out. The country driver, a French habitant, reported its presence at the car. Kinroy tried to soothe his sister by saying that he would help straighten matters out if she would only go peacefully.
[Pg 638] When the carriage showed up, Suzanne wouldn’t get out. The country driver, a French local, let them know it was there at the car. Kinroy tried to calm his sister down by saying he would help sort things out if she would just come out peacefully.
"I'll tell you, Susie, if it isn't all arranged to suit you within a month, and you still want to go back, I'll send you the money. I have to go back tomorrow, or next day for ma, but I'll give you my word. In fact, I'll persuade mother to bring you back in two weeks. You know I never lied to you before. I never will again. Please come. Let's go over there. We can be comfortable, anyhow."
"I'll tell you, Susie, if things aren't set up the way you want in a month, and you still want to go back, I'll send you the money. I have to go back tomorrow or the day after for my mom, but I promise you this. In fact, I'll convince my mother to bring you back in two weeks. You know I've never lied to you before. I won't do it again. Please come. Let's head over there. We can be comfortable, at least."
Mrs. Dale had leased the lodge from the Cathcarts by phone. It was all furnished—ready to live in—even wood fires prepared for lighting in the fireplaces. It had hot and cold water controlled by a hot-water furnace system; acetylene gas, a supply of staples in the kitchen. The service to take care of it was to be called together by the caretaker, who could be reached by phone from the depot. Mrs. Dale had already communicated with him by the time the carriage arrived. The roads were so poor that the use of an automobile was impossible. The station agent, seeing a fat fee in sight, was most obliging.
Mrs. Dale had rented the lodge from the Cathcarts over the phone. It was fully furnished—ready to move in—with wood fires set up for lighting in the fireplaces. It had hot and cold water controlled by a hot-water furnace system; acetylene gas, and a supply of staples in the kitchen. The caretaker was supposed to call in the service to maintain it, and he could be reached by phone from the depot. Mrs. Dale had already contacted him by the time the carriage arrived. The roads were so poor that using a car wasn’t an option. The station agent, seeing a big tip coming, was very accommodating.
Suzanne listened to Kinroy, but she did not believe him. She did not believe anyone now, save Eugene, and he was nowhere near to advise her. Still, since she was without money and they were threatening to call a doctor, she thought it might be best perhaps to go peacefully. Her mother was most distracted. Her face was white and thin and nervous, and Kinroy was apparently strained to the breaking point.
Suzanne listened to Kinroy, but she didn’t believe him. She didn’t trust anyone now, except Eugene, and he wasn’t around to give her advice. Still, since she had no money and they were threatening to call a doctor, she thought it might be best to go along with things for now. Her mother was clearly upset. Her face was pale, thin, and anxious, and Kinroy seemed to be on the verge of a breakdown.
"Do you promise me faithfully," she asked her mother, who had begun her pleadings anew, corroborating Kinroy in a way, "that you will take me back to New York in two weeks if I promise to stay that long?" This was still within the date in which she had promised to go to Witla, and as long as she got back by that time, she really did not care, provided she could write to her lover. It was a silly arbitrary thing for her mother to have done, but it could be endured. Her mother, seeing no reasonable way to obtain peace, promised. If she could only keep her there two weeks quietly, perhaps that would help. Suzanne could think here under different conditions. New York was so exciting. Out at this lodge all would be still. There was more argument, and, finally, Suzanne agreed to enter the hack, and they drove over toward Mont Cecile and the Cathcarts' Lodge, now vacant and lonely, which was known as "While-a-Way."
"Do you promise me faithfully," she asked her mother, who had started pleading again, kind of backing up Kinroy, "that you will take me back to New York in two weeks if I promise to stay that long?" This was still within the timeframe she had promised to go to Witla, and as long as she made it back by then, she really didn’t mind, as long as she could write to her boyfriend. It was a silly, arbitrary thing for her mother to do, but it could be tolerated. Her mother, seeing no reasonable way to find peace, agreed. If she could just keep her there for two weeks quietly, maybe that would help. Suzanne could think better here under different circumstances. New York was so thrilling. Out at this lodge, everything would be calm. There was more back and forth, and finally, Suzanne agreed to get into the cab, and they drove over toward Mont Cecile and the Cathcarts' Lodge, now empty and lonely, known as "While-a-Way."
CHAPTER XVIII
The Cathcart Lodge, a long, two-story affair, half-way up a fine covered mountain slope, was one of those summer conveniences of the rich, situated just near enough to the primeval wilds to give one a sense of the unexplored and dangerous in raw nature, and yet near enough to the comforts of civilization, as represented by the cities of Quebec and Montreal, to make one feel secure in the possession of those material joys, otherwise so easily interrupted. It was full of great rooms tastefully furnished with simple summery things—willow chairs, box window-seats, structural book shelves, great open fireplaces, surmounted by handsome mantels, outward swinging leaded casements, settees, pillow-strewn rustic couches, great fur rugs and robes and things of that character. The walls were ornamented with trophies of the chase—antlers, raw fox skins, mounted loons and eagles, skins of bears and other animals. This year the Cathcarts were elsewhere, and the lodge was to be had by a woman of Mrs. Dale's standing for the asking.
The Cathcart Lodge, a long, two-story building situated halfway up a beautiful covered mountain slope, was one of those summer getaways for the wealthy. It was close enough to the untamed wilderness to give a sense of adventure and danger in nature, yet near enough to the comforts of civilization, represented by the cities of Quebec and Montreal, to make one feel secure in enjoying those material comforts that could easily be disrupted. The lodge was filled with large rooms tastefully decorated with simple, summery items—willow chairs, box window seats, built-in bookshelves, large open fireplaces topped with elegant mantels, outward-swinging leaded windows, settees, rustic couches piled with pillows, and luxurious fur rugs and throws. The walls were adorned with hunting trophies—antlers, raw fox fur, mounted loons and eagles, bear skins, and other animal pelts. This year, the Cathcarts were away, and the lodge was available for a woman of Mrs. Dale's standing upon request.
When they reached While-a-Way, the caretaker, Pierre, an old habitant of musty log-hut origin, who spoke broken English and was dressed in earth-brown khaki over Heaven knows what combination of clothes beneath, had lighted the fires and was bestirring himself about warming the house generally with the furnaces. His wife, a small, broad-skirted, solid-bodied woman, was in the kitchen preparing something to eat. There was plenty of meat to be had from the larder of the habitant himself, to say nothing of flour, butter, and the like. A girl to serve was called from the family of a neighboring trapper. She had worked in the lodge as maid to the Cathcarts. They settled down to make themselves comfortable, but the old discussion continued. There was no cessation to it, and through it all, actually, Suzanne was having her way.
When they arrived at While-a-Way, the caretaker, Pierre, an old local guy from a musty log cabin, who spoke broken English and wore earth-brown khaki over who-knows-what combination of clothes underneath, had already lit the fires and was busy warming up the house with the furnaces. His wife, a small, solidly built woman in a broad skirt, was in the kitchen preparing food. The local larder was stocked with plenty of meat, not to mention flour, butter, and other supplies. A girl from a nearby trapper's family was called in to help out. She had previously worked as a maid for the Cathcarts. They settled in to get comfortable, but the old debate continued. It never really stopped, and through it all, Suzanne was getting her way.
Meanwhile, Eugene back in New York was expecting word from Suzanne on Thursday, and none came. He called up the house only to learn that Mrs. Dale was out of the city and was not expected back soon. Friday came, and no word; and Saturday. He tried a registered letter "for personal delivery only, return signature demanded" but it came back marked "not there." Then he realized that his suspicions were correct and that Suzanne had fallen into a trap. He grew gloomy, fearful, [Pg 640] impatient and nervous by turn, and all at the same time. He drummed on his desk at the office, tried almost in vain to fix his mind on the scores of details which were ever before him, wandered aimlessly about the streets at times, thinking. He was asked for his opinion on art plans, and books, and advertising and circulation propositions, but he could not fix his mind closely on what was being said.
Meanwhile, Eugene, back in New York, was waiting for word from Suzanne on Thursday, but nothing came. He called the house only to find out that Mrs. Dale was out of town and wouldn't be back anytime soon. Friday came, and still no news; then Saturday. He sent a registered letter marked "for personal delivery only, return signature required," but it came back marked "not there." That's when he realized his suspicions were right—Suzanne had fallen into a trap. He became gloomy, scared, impatient, and nervous all at once. He drummed on his office desk, struggled to focus on the endless details in front of him, and sometimes wandered the streets lost in thought. People asked for his input on art plans, books, advertising, and circulation ideas, but he couldn't concentrate on what was being discussed.
"The chief has certainly got something on his mind which is troubling him these days," said Carter Hayes, the advertising man, to the circulation head. "He's not himself. I don't believe he hears what I'm telling him."
"The boss definitely has something on his mind that's been bothering him lately," said Carter Hayes, the advertising guy, to the circulation head. "He's not acting like himself. I don't think he's even listening to what I'm saying."
"I've noticed that," replied the latter. They were in the reception room outside Eugene's door, and strolled arm in arm down the richly carpeted hall to the elevator. "There's certainly something wrong. He ought to take a rest. He's trying to do too much."
"I've noticed that," replied the latter. They were in the reception room outside Eugene's door and walked arm in arm down the beautifully carpeted hall to the elevator. "There's definitely something wrong. He needs to take a break. He's trying to do too much."
Hayes did not believe Eugene was trying to do too much. In the last four or five months it had been almost impossible to get near him. He came down at ten or ten-thirty in the morning, left frequently at two and three, had lunch engagements which had nothing to do with office work, and at night went into the social world to dinner or elsewhere, where he could not be found. Colfax had sent for him on a number of occasions when he was not present, and on several other occasions, when he had called on his floor and at his office, Eugene was out. It did not strike him as anything to complain of—Eugene had a right to be about—but as inadvisable, in the managing publisher's own interest. He knew that he had a vast number of things to take care of. It would take an exceptionally efficient man to manage them and not give all his time to them. He would not have thought this if Eugene had been a partner with himself, as were other men in other ventures in which he was interested, but not being so, he could not help viewing him as an employee, one who ought to give all his time to his work.
Hayes didn't think Eugene was trying to do too much. For the past four or five months, it had been nearly impossible to reach him. He showed up around ten or ten-thirty in the morning, often left by two or three, had lunch plans unrelated to work, and spent his evenings in the social scene at dinners or elsewhere, making him hard to find. Colfax had called for him several times when he wasn't there, and on multiple occasions when he visited his office or floor, Eugene was out. It didn’t seem like something to complain about—Eugene had every right to be out and about—but it struck Hayes as unwise, considering the managing publisher's own interests. He knew he had a huge number of tasks to handle. It would take someone extremely efficient to manage them without dedicating all their time to them. He wouldn’t have thought this if Eugene were his partner, as were other men involved in different ventures he was interested in, but since that wasn’t the case, he couldn’t help but see him as an employee who should devote all his time to his job.
White never asked anything much save the privilege of working, and was always about the place, alert, earnest at his particular duties, not haughty, but calm and absolutely efficient in every way. He was never weary of consulting with Colfax, whereas Eugene was indifferent, not at all desirous of running to him with every little proposition, but preferring to act on his own initiative, and carrying himself constantly with very much of an air.
White never asked for much except the chance to work, and he was always around, attentive and serious about his tasks, not arrogant, but calm and completely efficient in every way. He never tired of discussing things with Colfax, while Eugene was indifferent, not eager to approach him with every little idea, preferring to take his own initiative and often coming off as quite self-important.
In other ways there were other things which were and had been militating against him. By degrees it had come to be rumored [Pg 641] about the office that Eugene was interested in the Blue Sea or Sea Island Development and Construction Company, of which there was a good deal of talk about the city, particularly in financial and social circles. Colfax had heard of the corporation. He had been interested in the scheme because it promised so much in the way of luxury. Not much of the panoramic whole so beautifully depicted in the colored insets of a thirty-two-page literary prospectus fathered by Eugene was as yet accomplished, but there was enough to indicate that it was going to be a great thing. Already somewhat over a mile and a quarter of the great sea walk and wall were in place. A dining and dancing pavilion had been built, and one of the smaller hotels—all in accordance with the original architectural scheme. There were a number of houses—something like twenty or thirty on plots one hundred and fifty by one hundred and fifty feet, built in the most ornate fashion on ground which had formerly been wet marsh grown high with grass. Three or four islands had been filled in and the club house of a minor yacht club had been constructed, but still the Sea Island Development Company had a long way to go before even a third of its total perfection would be in sight.
In other ways, there were other factors that were working against him. Gradually, it became rumored around the office that Eugene was involved with the Blue Sea or Sea Island Development and Construction Company, which was the talk of the city, especially in financial and social circles. Colfax had heard about the corporation. He found the project intriguing because it promised so much in terms of luxury. Not much of the panoramic vision so beautifully illustrated in the colorful inserts of a thirty-two-page literary prospectus created by Eugene had been realized yet, but there was enough progress to suggest that it was going to be a significant venture. Already, over a mile and a quarter of the grand sea walk and wall were completed. A dining and dancing pavilion had been built, along with one of the smaller hotels—all in line with the original architectural design. There were several houses—about twenty or thirty—on lots that measured one hundred and fifty by one hundred and fifty feet, built in an ornate style on land that had previously been wet marsh filled with tall grass. Three or four islands had been filled in, and the club house of a minor yacht club had been constructed, but the Sea Island Development Company still had a long way to go before even a third of its total vision would come into view.
Eugene did not know the drift of the company's financial affairs, except in a general way. He had tried to keep out of it so far as public notice of him was concerned, though he was constantly lunching with Winfield, Willebrand, and others, and endeavoring to direct as much attention to the wonders and prospects of the new resort as was possible for him to do. It was an easy thing for him to say to one person and another whom he met that Blue Sea was rapidly becoming the most perfect thing in the way of a summer resort that he had ever seen, and this did good; so did the comments of all the other people who were interested in it, but it did not make it anything of a success as yet. As a matter of fact, the true success of Blue Sea depended on the investment of much more than the original ten millions for which it had been capitalized. It depended on a truly solid growth, which could not be rapid.
Eugene didn’t really understand the company’s financial situation, at least not in detail. He had tried to stay out of the spotlight regarding this, even though he regularly had lunch with Winfield, Willebrand, and others, doing his best to bring attention to the amazing features and potential of the new resort as much as he could. It was easy for him to tell everyone he met that Blue Sea was quickly becoming the best summer resort he had ever seen, and that helped; the positive comments from others interested in it helped too, but it still wasn’t a success yet. In reality, Blue Sea's true success relied on investing much more than the original ten million it was capitalized with. It required solid growth, which couldn’t happen overnight.
The news which came to the United Magazines Corporation and eventually to Colfax and White was that Eugene was heavily interested in this venture, that he was secretary or held some other office in connection with it, and that he was giving a great deal of his time to its development, which might better be employed in furthering the interests of the United Magazines Corporation.
The news that reached the United Magazines Corporation and eventually got to Colfax and White was that Eugene was really invested in this project, that he was the secretary or held some other position related to it, and that he was spending a lot of his time on its development, which could be better spent promoting the interests of the United Magazines Corporation.
"What do you think of that?" asked Colfax of White, on [Pg 642] hearing the news one morning. It had come through the head of the printing department under White, who had mentioned it to Colfax in White's presence by the latter's directions.
"What do you think about that?" Colfax asked White on [Pg 642] hearing the news one morning. It had come from the head of the printing department under White, who had mentioned it to Colfax in White's presence at White's request.
"It's just what I've been telling you all along," said the latter blandly. "He isn't interested in this business any more than he is in any other. He's using it as a stepping-stone, and when he's through with it, good-bye. Now that's all right from his point of view. Every man has a right to climb up, but it isn't so good from yours. You'd be better off if you had a man who wanted to stay here. You'd be better off really if you were handling it yourself. You may not want to do that, but with what you know now you can get someone who will work under you quite well. That's the one satisfactory thing about it—you really can get along without him if it comes right down to it now. With a good man in there, it can be handled from your office."
"It's exactly what I've been telling you all along," the latter said casually. "He doesn't care about this business any more than he does about any other. He’s just using it as a stepping-stone, and when he's done, it’s goodbye. Now that's fine from his perspective. Every guy has the right to climb the ladder, but it’s not so great for you. You’d be better off with someone who actually wants to stick around. Honestly, you’d be better off managing it yourself. You might not want to do that, but with what you know now, you can find someone who will work well under you. That’s the one good thing about it—you really can manage without him if it comes down to it now. With a good person in place, it can be handled from your office."
It was about this time that the most ardent phase of Eugene's love affair with Suzanne began. All through the spring and summer Eugene had been busy with thoughts of Suzanne, ways of meeting her, pleasurable rides with her, thinking of things she had done and said. As a rule now, his thoughts were very far from the interests of his position, and in the main it bored him greatly. He began to wish earnestly that his investment in the Sea Island Corporation would show some tangible return in the way of interest, so that he could have means to turn round with. It struck him after Angela's discovery of his intrigue with Suzanne as a most unfortunate thing that he had tied up all his means in this Blue Sea investment. If it had been fated that he was to go on living with Angela, it would have been all right. Then he could have waited in patience and thought nothing of it. Now it simply meant that if he wanted to realize it, it would all be tied up in the courts, or most likely so, for Angela could sue him; and at any rate he would wish to make reasonable provision for her, and that would require legal adjustment. Apart from this investment, he had nothing now save his salary, and that was not accumulating fast enough to do him much good in case Mrs. Dale went to Colfax soon, and the latter broke with him. He wondered if Colfax really would break with him. Would he ask him to give up Suzanne, or simply force him to resign? He had noticed that for some time Colfax had not been as cordial to and as enthusiastic about him as he had formerly been, but this might be due to other things besides opposition. Moreover, it was natural for them to become a little tired of each other. They did not go about so much together, and when they did Colfax was not as high-flown [Pg 643] and boyish in his spirits as he had formerly been. Eugene fancied it was White who was caballing against him, but he thought if Colfax was going to change, he was going to change, and there was no help for it. There were no grounds, he fancied, in so far as the affairs of the corporation were concerned. His work was successful.
It was around this time that the most intense part of Eugene's love affair with Suzanne started. Throughout spring and summer, Eugene had been consumed with thoughts of Suzanne, ways to meet her, enjoyable rides with her, and remembering things she had said and done. Typically, his mind was far from the responsibilities of his job, which mostly bored him. He seriously wished that his investment in the Sea Island Corporation would generate some actual return in the form of interest, so he could have the means to make a change. After Angela discovered his affair with Suzanne, he felt it was unfortunate that all his resources were tied up in this Blue Sea investment. If it was meant for him to keep living with Angela, that would be fine; he could wait patiently without worrying. Now, though, it meant that if he wanted to cash out, it would likely be stuck in legal issues, as Angela could sue him. He also wanted to ensure he made reasonable provisions for her, which would require legal arrangements. Besides this investment, he had nothing but his salary, and it wasn’t building up fast enough to help him much if Mrs. Dale decided to move on to Colfax soon, and if the latter broke things off with him. He wondered if Colfax really would end their relationship. Would he ask Eugene to choose between him and Suzanne, or just make him resign? He had observed that for a while, Colfax hadn’t been as friendly or enthusiastic about him as he had been before, but that might be attributed to other reasons besides opposition. Moreover, it was natural for them to tire of each other a bit. They didn’t hang out together as much anymore, and when they did, Colfax wasn’t as energetic and lively as he used to be. Eugene suspected White was plotting against him, but he thought that if Colfax was going to change, he was going to change too, and there was nothing he could do about it. He didn’t think there were any real issues regarding the corporation’s affairs. His work was successful.
The storm broke one day out of a clear sky, in so far as the office was concerned, but not until there had been much heartache and misery in various directions—with the Dales, with Angela, and with Eugene himself.
The storm hit one day without warning, at least for the office, but not before there had been a lot of heartache and suffering in different areas—with the Dales, with Angela, and with Eugene himself.
Suzanne's action was the lightning bolt which precipitated the storm. It could only come from that quarter. Eugene was frantic to hear from her, and for the first time in his life began to experience those excruciating and gnawing pangs which are the concomitants of uncertain and distraught love. It manifested itself in an actual pain in his vitals—in the region of the solar plexus, or what is commonly known as the pit of the stomach. He suffered there very much, quite as the Spartan boy may have done who was gnawed by the fox concealed under his belt. He would wonder where Suzanne was, what she was doing, and then, being unable to work, would call his car and ride, or take his hat and walk. It did him no good to ride, for the agony was in sitting still. At night he would go home and sit by one or the other of his studio windows, principally out on the little stone balcony, and watch the changing panorama of the Hudson, yearning and wondering where she was. Would he ever see her again? Would he be able to win this battle if he did? Oh, her beautiful face, her lovely voice, her exquisite lips and eyes, the marvel of her touch and beautiful fancy!
Suzanne's action was the spark that ignited the storm. It could only come from her. Eugene was desperate to hear from her, and for the first time in his life, he began to feel those excruciating and gnawing pains that come with uncertain and troubled love. It showed up as an actual pain in his core—in the area of his solar plexus, or what’s commonly called the pit of the stomach. He suffered there a lot, just like the Spartan boy who was tormented by the fox hidden under his belt. He would wonder where Suzanne was, what she was doing, and then, unable to focus, he would call for his car and drive or grab his hat and walk. Riding didn’t help him, as the pain was in sitting still. At night, he’d go home and sit by one of his studio windows, mostly out on the little stone balcony, watching the changing scene of the Hudson, longing and wondering where she was. Would he ever see her again? Could he win this fight if he did? Oh, her beautiful face, her lovely voice, her exquisite lips and eyes, the wonder of her touch and beautiful imagination!
He tried to compose poetry to her, and wrote a series of sonnets to his beloved, which were not at all bad. He worked on his sketch book of pencil portraits of Suzanne seeking a hundred significant and delightful expressions and positions, which could afterwards be elaborated into his gallery of paintings of her, which he proposed to paint at some time. It did not matter to him that Angela was about, though he had the graciousness to conceal these things from her. He was ashamed, in a way, of his treatment of her, and yet the sight of her now was not so much pitiable as objectionable and unsatisfactory. Why had he married her? He kept asking himself that.
He tried to write poetry for her and composed a series of sonnets for his beloved, which weren’t bad at all. He worked on his sketchbook of pencil portraits of Suzanne, aiming to capture a hundred meaningful and charming expressions and poses, which he could later turn into a gallery of paintings of her that he planned to create at some point. It didn’t bother him that Angela was around, although he was courteous enough to hide these things from her. He felt a bit ashamed about how he treated her, but seeing her now was less about pity and more about feeling unsatisfied and annoyed. Why had he married her? He kept wondering that.
They sat in the studio one night. Angela's face was a picture of despair, for the horror of her situation was only by degrees coming to her, and she said, seeing him so moody and despondent:
They sat in the studio one night. Angela looked absolutely heartbroken, as the reality of her situation was gradually sinking in, and she said, noticing how moody and down he was:
[Pg 644] "Eugene, don't you think you can get over this? You say Suzanne has been spirited away. Why not let her go? Think of your career, Eugene. Think of me. What will become of me? You can get over it, if you try. Surely you won't throw me down after all the years I have been with you. Think how I have tried. I have been a pretty good wife to you, haven't I? I haven't annoyed you so terribly much, have I? Oh, I feel all the time as though we were on the brink of some terrible catastrophe! If only I could do something; if only I could say something! I know I have been hard and irritable at times, but that is all over now. I am a changed woman. I would never be that way any more."
[Pg 644] "Eugene, don’t you think it’s time to move on? You say Suzanne has disappeared. Why not just let her go? Think about your career, Eugene. Think about me. What will happen to me? You can get through this if you put in the effort. You can’t just give up on me after all these years we’ve spent together. Remember how hard I’ve tried? I’ve been a pretty good wife to you, haven’t I? I haven’t bothered you too much, right? Oh, it feels like we’re always on the edge of some disaster! If only I could do something; if only I could say something! I know I’ve been tough and irritable at times, but that's in the past. I’m a changed person now. I would never act that way again."
"It can't be done, Angela," he replied calmly. "It can't be done. I don't love you. I've told you that. I don't want to live with you. I can't. I want to get free in some way, either by divorce, or a quiet separation, and go my way. I'm not happy. I never will be as long as I am here. I want my freedom and then I will decide what I want to do."
"It can't be done, Angela," he said calmly. "It can't be done. I don’t love you. I’ve told you that. I don’t want to live with you. I can't. I want to break free somehow, either through divorce or a quiet separation, and go my own way. I’m not happy. I never will be as long as I’m here. I want my freedom, and then I’ll decide what I want to do."
Angela shook her head and sighed. She could scarcely believe that this was she wandering around in her own apartment wondering what she was going to do in connection with her own husband. Marietta had gone back to Wisconsin before the storm broke. Myrtle was in New York, but she hated to confess to her. She did not dare to write to any member of her own family but Marietta, and she did not want to confess to her. Marietta had fancied while she was here that they were getting along nicely. She had fits of crying, which alternated with fits of anger, but the latter were growing weak. Fear, despondency, and grief were becoming uppermost in her soul again—the fear and despondency that had weighed her down in those lonely days before she married Eugene, the grief that she was now actually and finally to lose the one man whom, in spite of everything, she loved still.
Angela shook her head and sighed. She could hardly believe she was wandering around in her own apartment, unsure of what to do about her own husband. Marietta had gone back to Wisconsin before the storm hit. Myrtle was in New York, but she didn’t want to admit anything to her. She didn’t dare write to any of her family except Marietta, and she was reluctant to confide in her. While Marietta was here, she thought they were getting along well. Angela had moments of crying that alternated with moments of anger, but the anger was starting to fade. Fear, hopelessness, and grief were taking over her thoughts again—fear and hopelessness that had burdened her during those lonely days before she married Eugene, and the grief that she was now really and truly about to lose the one man she still loved, despite everything.
CHAPTER XIX
It was three days later when he was at his office that a telegram came from Mrs. Dale, which read, "I depend on you, on the honor of a gentleman, to ignore any message which may come from my daughter until I see you."
It was three days later when he was at his office that a telegram came from Mrs. Dale, which read, "I’m counting on you, as a gentleman, to ignore any message that might come from my daughter until I see you."
Eugene was puzzled, but fancied that there must be a desperate quarrel on between Suzanne and her mother, wherever they were, and that it was probable that he would hear from her now. It was his first inkling as to her whereabouts, for the telegram was sent off from Three Rivers, in Canada, and he fancied they must be near there somewhere. The place of despatch did him no good from a material point of view, for he could neither write nor pursue Suzanne on the strength of this. He would not know where to find her. He could only wait, conscious that she was having a struggle, perhaps as severe, or possibly more so, than his own. He wandered about with this telegram in his pocket wondering when he should hear—what a day should bring forth, and all those who came in contact with him noticed that there was something wrong.
Eugene was confused but thought there must be a serious argument going on between Suzanne and her mother, wherever they were, and he figured that he would be hearing from her soon. This was his first clue about where she might be, since the telegram was sent from Three Rivers, Canada, and he assumed they were somewhere close to that. The location of the message didn't help him in any practical way, as he couldn't write to or track down Suzanne based on this information. He had no idea where to look for her. All he could do was wait, aware that she was facing a struggle, possibly as tough, or even tougher, than his own. He wandered around with the telegram in his pocket, wondering when he would hear from her—what the day would bring. Everyone he interacted with could tell that something was off.
Colfax saw him, and asked: "What's the matter, old man? You're not looking as chipper as you might." He fancied it might be something in connection with the Blue Sea Corporation. He had heard, after he had learned that Eugene was in it, that it would take much more money than had been invested to date to make it a really successful seaside proposition according to the original outlines, and that it would be years before it could possibly yield an adequate return. If Eugene had put much money in it, he had probably lost it or tied it up in a most unsatisfactory way. Well, it served him right for trifling with things he knew nothing about.
Colfax noticed him and asked, "What's going on, old man? You don’t look as cheerful as you could." He thought it might have something to do with the Blue Sea Corporation. He had heard, after finding out that Eugene was involved, that it would require a lot more money than had been invested so far to make it a truly successful seaside venture as originally planned, and that it would take years before it could possibly provide a decent return. If Eugene had invested a lot, he had probably lost it or locked it up in a very unsatisfactory way. Well, he deserved it for messing around with things he didn't understand.
"Oh, nothing," replied Eugene abstractedly. "I'm all right. I'm just a little run down physically. I'll come round."
"Oh, nothing," Eugene replied thoughtfully. "I'm fine. I'm just a bit worn out physically. I'll be okay."
"You'd better take a month or so off and brace up, if you're not in shape."
"You should probably take a month off to get ready if you're not feeling fit."
"Oh, not at all! Not now, anyhow."
"Oh, not at all! Not right now, anyway."
It occurred to Eugene that he might use the time to advantage a little later and that he would claim it.
It crossed Eugene's mind that he could use the time to his advantage later on, and he would take that opportunity.
They proceeded to business, but Colfax noticed that Eugene's eyes were specially hollow and weary and that he was noticeably [Pg 646] restless. He wondered whether he might be going to break down physically.
They got down to business, but Colfax noticed that Eugene's eyes looked particularly hollow and tired, and he was obviously restless. He wondered if he was on the verge of a physical breakdown.
Suzanne had drifted along peacefully enough considering the nature of the feeling between her and her mother at this time. After a few days of desultory discussion, however, along the lines now so familiar, she began to see that her mother had no intention of terminating their stay at the time agreed upon, particularly since their return to New York meant, so far as Suzanne was concerned, her immediate departure to Witla. Mrs. Dale began at first to plead for additional delay, and later that Suzanne should agree not to go to New York but to Lenox for a season. It was cold up here already now, though there were still spells of bright warm summery or autumn weather between ten and four in the day, and sometimes in the evening. The nights usually were cold. Mrs. Dale would gladly have welcomed a compromise, for it was terribly lonely, just herself and Suzanne—after the gaieties of New York. Four days before the time of her proposed departure, Mrs. Dale was still obdurate or parleying in a diplomatic way, and Suzanne, disgusted, made the threat which caused Mrs. Dale to wire distractedly to Eugene. Later, she composed the following, which she gave to Gabrielle:
Suzanne had generally been getting along fine, given the current feelings between her and her mother. After a few days of aimless conversations, which had become quite familiar, she began to realize that her mother had no plans to end their stay at the agreed-upon time, especially since returning to New York meant, for Suzanne, her immediate trip to Witla. Mrs. Dale initially pleaded for a little more time, and later suggested that Suzanne should agree to skip New York and go to Lenox for a season instead. It was already getting cold up here, although there were still stretches of warm, sunny weather between ten and four during the day, and occasionally in the evening. The nights were usually chilly. Mrs. Dale would have gladly accepted a compromise, as it felt terribly lonely with just herself and Suzanne after the excitement of New York. Four days before her planned departure, Mrs. Dale was still stubborn or negotiating in a diplomatic manner, and Suzanne, feeling frustrated, made a threat that prompted Mrs. Dale to frantically message Eugene. Later, she wrote the following, which she gave to Gabrielle:
"DEAR EUGENE—
"Dear Eugene"
If you love me, come and get me. I have told mama that if she did not keep her word to return with me to New York by the fifteenth, I would write to you and she is still obstinate. I am at the Cathcart Lodge, While-a-Way, eighteen miles north of Three Rivers, here in Canada. Anyone can show you. I will be here when you come. Do not try to write to me as I am afraid I should not get it. But I will be at the Lodge.
If you love me, come and get me. I've told Mom that if she doesn't keep her promise to come back to New York with me by the fifteenth, I would reach out to you, and she’s still being stubborn. I’m at the Cathcart Lodge, While-a-Way, eighteen miles north of Three Rivers, here in Canada. Anyone can show you where it is. I’ll be here when you arrive. Don’t try to write to me since I’m worried I won’t receive it. But I’ll be at the Lodge.
"With love,
"SUZANNE."
"With love,
"SUZANNE."
Eugene had never before received a love appeal, nor indeed any such appeal from any woman in his life.
Eugene had never received a love confession before, nor had he ever gotten any kind of romantic interest from a woman in his life.
This letter reached him thirty-six hours after the telegram arrived, and set him to planning at once. The hour had struck. He must act. Perhaps this old world was now behind him forever. Could he really get Suzanne, if he went to Canada to find her? How was she surrounded? He thrilled with delight when he realized that it was Suzanne who was calling him and that he was going to find her. "If you love me, come and get me."
This letter arrived thirty-six hours after the telegram came in, and he immediately started planning. The moment had arrived. He had to take action. Maybe this old life was finally behind him for good. Could he really track down Suzanne if he went to Canada? What was her situation? He felt a rush of excitement when he understood that it was Suzanne reaching out to him and that he was going to find her. "If you love me, come and get me."
Would he?
Would he?
Watch!
Check it out!
[Pg 647] He called for his car, telephoned his valet to pack his bag and bring it to the Grand Central Station, first ascertaining for himself the time of departure, asked to talk to Angela, who had gone to Myrtle's apartment in upper Seventh Avenue, ready at last to confess her woes to Eugene's sister. Her condition did not appeal to Eugene in this situation. The inevitable result, which he thought of frequently, was still far away. He notified Colfax that he was going to take a few days rest, went to the bank where he had over four thousand dollars on deposit, and drew it all. He then went to a ticket office and purchased a one-way ticket, uncertain where his actions would take him once he saw Suzanne. He tried once more to get Angela, intending boldly to tell her that he was going to seek Suzanne, and to tell her not to worry, that he would communicate with her, but she had not returned. Curiously, through all this, he was intensely sorry for her, and wondered how she would take it, if he did not return. How would the child be arranged for? He felt he must go. Angela was heartsick, he knew that, and frightened. Still he could not resist this call. He could not resist anything in connection with this love affair. He was like a man possessed of a devil or wandering in a dream. He knew that his whole career was at stake, but it did not make any difference. He must get her. The whole world could go hang if he could only obtain her,—her the beautiful, the perfect!
[Pg 647] He called for his car, called his valet to pack his bag and take it to Grand Central Station, first confirming the departure time for himself. He tried to reach Angela, who had gone to Myrtle's apartment on upper Seventh Avenue, finally ready to share her troubles with Eugene's sister. Eugene didn't have the patience for her situation right now. The inevitable outcome he often thought about felt far away. He informed Colfax that he was taking a few days off, went to the bank where he had over four thousand dollars, and withdrew all of it. Then, he went to a ticket office and bought a one-way ticket, unsure of where he would go once he found Suzanne. He tried once more to get a hold of Angela, planning to boldly tell her that he was going to look for Suzanne and to assure her not to worry, that he would keep in touch, but she still hadn't come back. Strangely, through all of this, he felt deeply sorry for her and wondered how she would handle it if he didn’t come back. How would the child be taken care of? He felt he had to go. He knew Angela was heartbroken and scared. Still, he couldn’t resist this pull. He couldn't resist anything associated with this love affair. He felt like a man possessed or lost in a dream. He understood that his entire career was on the line, but it didn't matter. He had to get her. The whole world could go to hell if he could just have her—the beautiful, the perfect!
At five-thirty the train departed, and then he sat as it rolled northward speculating on what he was to do when he got there. If Three Rivers were much of a place, he could probably hire an automobile. He could leave it some distance from the lodge and then see if he could not approach unobserved and signal Suzanne. If she were about, she would no doubt be on the lookout. At a sign she would run to him. They would hurry to the automobile. The pursuit might quickly follow, but he would arrange it so that his pursuers would not know which railroad station he was going to. Quebec was the nearest big city, he found by studying the map, though he might return to Montreal and New York or Buffalo, if he chose to go west he would see how the train ran.
At five-thirty, the train left, and he sat there as it headed north, thinking about what he would do when he arrived. If Three Rivers was decent, he could probably rent a car. He could park it a good distance from the lodge and then try to approach without being seen and signal Suzanne. If she was around, she'd surely be keeping an eye out. At a signal, she would rush to him. They would hurry to the car. The chase might come quickly, but he would make sure his pursuers wouldn’t know which train station he was heading to. Quebec was the nearest major city, he noted while looking at the map, though he could also go back to Montreal or New York or Buffalo; if he decided to head west, he’d check the train schedules.
It is curious what vagaries the human mind is subject to, under conditions of this kind. Up to the time of Eugene's arrival in Three Rivers and after, he had no plan of campaign, or of future conduct beyond that of obtaining Suzanne. He did not know that he would return to New York—he did not know that he would not. If Suzanne wished, and it were best, and they could, they would go to England from Montreal, or France. [Pg 648] If necessary, they could go to Portland and sail. Mrs. Dale, on the evidence that he had Suzanne and that of her own free will and volition, might yield and say nothing, in which case he could return to New York and resume his position. This courageous stand on his part if he had only followed it might have solved the whole problem quickly. It might have been the sword that would have cut the Gordian Knot. On the train was a heavy black-bearded man, which was always good luck to him. At Three Rivers, when he dismounted from the train, he found a horseshoe, which was also a lucky sign. He did not stop to think what he would do if he really lost his position and had to live on the sum he had with him. He was really not thinking logically. He was dreaming. He fancied that he would get Suzanne and have his salary, and that somehow things would be much as they were. Of such is the logic of dreams.
It's interesting what quirks the human mind goes through under these circumstances. Before and after Eugene arrived in Three Rivers, he didn't have any plan for action or future goals beyond getting Suzanne. He wasn’t sure if he’d return to New York or not. If Suzanne wanted it, and it made sense, and they could, they might go to England from Montreal or to France. [Pg 648] If needed, they could head to Portland and take a boat. Mrs. Dale, knowing that he had Suzanne and that she had chosen to be with him, might give in and say nothing, in which case he could go back to New York and take up his old life. If he had just pursued this brave stance, it could have quickly resolved everything. It might have been the solution that cut through the complications. On the train was a heavyset man with a black beard, which had always been a good omen for him. When he got off the train in Three Rivers, he found a horseshoe, another sign of good luck. He didn’t stop to consider what he would do if he actually lost his job and had to survive on the little money he had. He wasn’t really thinking rationally. He was lost in dreams. He imagined he would get Suzanne and keep his job, and that somehow everything would go back to how it was. Such is the reasoning of dreams.
When he arrived at Three Rivers, of course the conditions were not what he anticipated. It is true that at times, after a long continued period of dry weather, the roads were passable for automobiles, at least as far as While-a-Way, but the weather had not recently been entirely dry. There had been a short period of cold rain and the roads were practically impassable, save for horses and carryalls. There was a carryall which went as far as St. Jacques, four miles from While-a-Way, where the driver told him he could get a horse, if he wanted one. The owner of this hack line had a stable there.
When he got to Three Rivers, the situation was definitely not what he expected. It’s true that sometimes, after a long dry spell, the roads were usable for cars, at least up to While-a-Way, but the weather hadn’t been completely dry lately. There had been a short stint of cold rain, and the roads were nearly impassable, except for horses and carriages. There was a carriage that went as far as St. Jacques, four miles from While-a-Way, where the driver told him he could get a horse if he wanted one. The owner of this carriage service had a stable there.
This was gratifying to him, and he decided to make arrangements for two horses at St. Jacques, which he would take to within a reasonable distance of the lodge and tie in some spot where they would not be seen. Then he could consider the situation and signal Suzanne; if she were there on the lookout. How dramatic the end would be! How happy they would be flying together! Judge then his astonishment on reaching St. Jacques to find Mrs. Dale waiting for him. Word had been telephoned by her faithful representative, the station agent at Three Rivers, that a man of Eugene's description had arrived and departed for While-a-Way. Before this a telegram had come from New York from Kinroy to the effect that Eugene had gone somewhere. His daily habits since Mrs. Dale had gone away had been under observation. Kinroy, on his return, had called at the United Magazines Corporation and asked if Eugene was in the city. Heretofore he had been reported in. When on this day he was reported as having gone, Kinroy called up Angela to inquire. She also stated that he had left the city. He then wired his mother and she, calculating the time of his arrival, and hearing from the [Pg 649] station agent of his taking the carryall, had gone down to meet him. She had decided to fight every inch of the way with all the strategy at her command. She did not want to kill him—had not really the courage to do that—but she still hoped to dissuade him. She had not been able to bring herself to resort to guards and detectives as yet. He could not be as hard as he looked and acted. Suzanne was bedeviling him by her support and communications. She had not been able to govern there, she saw. Her only hope was to talk him out of it, or into an additional delay. If necessary, they would all go back to New York together and she would appeal to Colfax and Winfield. She hoped they would persuade him to reason. Anyhow, she would never leave Suzanne for one moment until this thing had been settled in her favor, or brutally against her.
This pleased him, and he decided to arrange for two horses at St. Jacques, which he would take to a spot close to the lodge and tie them up where they wouldn't be noticed. Then he could assess the situation and signal Suzanne if she was watching. How dramatic the ending would be! How happy they would be flying together! Imagine his surprise when he arrived at St. Jacques to find Mrs. Dale waiting for him. Her loyal representative, the station agent at Three Rivers, had called to let her know that a man matching Eugene's description had arrived and left for While-a-Way. Earlier, a telegram had come from Kinroy in New York confirming that Eugene had gone somewhere. His daily routine since Mrs. Dale had left had been monitored. When Kinroy returned, he checked at the United Magazines Corporation to ask if Eugene was in the city. Until then, he had been reported as present. On this day, when he was noted as gone, Kinroy called Angela to find out more. She also confirmed that he had left the city. He then wired his mother, who, figuring out the timing of his arrival and learning from the station agent that he had taken the carryall, went down to meet him. She had resolved to fight every step of the way with all the strategy she could muster. She didn't want to harm him—she didn't have the heart for that—but she still hoped to talk him out of it. So far, she had refrained from involving guards and detectives. He couldn't be as tough as he appeared. Suzanne was complicating things for him with her support and messages. She realized she couldn't control that situation. Her only hope was to persuade him to rethink things, or at least to delay. If necessary, they would all return to New York together, and she would appeal to Colfax and Winfield. She hoped they could convince him to see reason. In any case, she wouldn’t leave Suzanne's side for even a moment until this situation was resolved in her favor or, brutally, against her.
When Eugene appeared she greeted him with her old social smile and called to him affably: "Come, get in."
When Eugene showed up, she greeted him with her familiar social smile and said cheerfully, "Come on, get in."
He looked at her grimly and obeyed, but changed his manner when he saw that she was really kindly in her tone and greeted her sociably.
He looked at her seriously and complied, but switched up his attitude when he realized that she was genuinely warm in her tone and greeted her in a friendly way.
"How have you been?" he asked.
"How have you been?" he asked.
"Oh, quite well, thank you!"
"Oh, I'm doing well, thanks!"
"And how is Suzanne?"
"And how's Suzanne?"
"All right, I fancy. She isn't here, you know."
"Okay, I get it. She’s not here, you know."
"Where is she?" asked Eugene, his face a study in defeat.
"Where is she?" Eugene asked, his expression one of total defeat.
"She went with some friends to visit Quebec for ten days. Then she is going from there to New York. I don't expect to see her here any more."
"She’s going with some friends to visit Quebec for ten days. After that, she’s heading to New York. I don't think I'll see her here again."
Eugene choked with a sense of repugnance to her airy taradiddles. He did not believe what she was saying—saw at once that she was fencing with him.
Eugene felt a wave of disgust at her trivial lies. He didn't believe what she was saying and immediately recognized that she was trying to manipulate him.
"That's a lie," he said roughly, "and it's out of the whole cloth! She's here, and you know it. Anyhow, I am going to see for myself."
"That's a lie," he said harshly, "and it's completely made up! She's here, and you know it. Anyway, I’m going to check for myself."
"How polite you are!" she laughed diplomatically. "That isn't the way you usually talk. Anyhow, she isn't here. You'll find that out, if you insist. I wouldn't advise you to insist, for I've sent for counsel since I heard you were coming, and you will find detectives as well as guards waiting to receive you. She isn't here, though, even at that, and you might just as well turn round and go back. I will drive you over to Three Rivers, if you wish. Why not be reasonable, now, and avoid a scene? She isn't here. You couldn't have her if she were. The people I have employed will prevent that. If you make trouble, you will simply be arrested and then the newspapers will have it. [Pg 650] Why not be reasonable now, Mr. Witla, and go on back? You have everything to lose. There is a train through Three Rivers from Quebec for New York at eleven tonight. We can make it. Don't you want to do that? I will agree, if you come to your senses now, and cause me no trouble here, to bring Suzanne back to New York within a month. I won't let you have her unless you get a divorce and straighten things out with your wife, but if you can do that within six months, or a year, and she still wants you, you can have her. I will promise in writing to withdraw all objection, and see that her full share of her property comes to her uncontested. I will help you and her socially all I can. You know I am not without influence."
"How polite of you!" she laughed diplomatically. "That’s not how you usually speak. Anyway, she’s not here. You’ll find that out if you keep pushing. I wouldn’t recommend that, because I’ve already called for legal counsel since I heard you were coming, and there will be detectives as well as security waiting for you. She’s not here, but you might as well turn around and go back. I can drive you over to Three Rivers if you want. Why not be reasonable and avoid a scene? She’s not here. You couldn’t have her even if she were. The people I’ve hired will make sure of that. If you cause trouble, you’ll just end up getting arrested, and then it’ll be in the newspapers. [Pg 650] Why not be sensible now, Mr. Witla, and head back? You have everything to lose. There’s a train from Quebec to New York through Three Rivers at eleven tonight. We can catch it. Don’t you want to do that? I’ll agree, if you come to your senses now and don’t cause me any trouble here, to bring Suzanne back to New York within a month. I won’t let you have her unless you get a divorce and sort things out with your wife, but if you can manage that within six months or a year, and she still wants you, you can have her. I’ll promise in writing to drop all objections and ensure her full share of property comes to her without contest. I’ll help you both socially as much as I can. You know I have my connections."
"I want to see her first," replied Eugene grimly and disbelievingly.
"I want to see her first," Eugene replied, sounding grim and doubtful.
"I won't say that I will forget everything," went on Mrs. Dale, ignoring his interpolated remark. "I can't—but I will pretend to. You can have the use of my country place at Lenox. I will buy out the lease at Morristown, or the New York House, and you can live in either place. I will set aside a sum of money for your wife, if you wish. That may help you obtain your release. Surely you do not want to take her under the illegal condition which you propose, when you can have her outright in this brilliant manner by waiting a little while. She says she does not want to get married, but that is silly talk, based on nothing except erratic reading. She does, or she will, the moment she comes to think about it seriously. Why not help her? Why not go back now and let me bring her to New York a little later and then we will talk this all over. I shall be very glad to have you in my family. You are a brilliant man. I have always liked you. Why not be reasonable? Come now and let's drive over to Three Rivers and you take the train back to New York, will you?"
"I won’t say I’ll forget everything," continued Mrs. Dale, ignoring his interjection. "I can’t—but I will fake it. You can use my country house in Lenox. I’ll buy out the lease at Morristown, or the New York House, and you can stay in either one. I’ll set aside some money for your wife if you’d like. That might help you get your release. Surely you don’t want to take her under the illegal conditions you’re proposing when you can have her outright in a much better way by just waiting a little while. She says she doesn’t want to get married, but that’s just silly talk based on nothing but random reading. She does, or she will, once she thinks about it seriously. Why not help her? Why not go back now and let me bring her to New York a little later, and then we can talk this all over? I’d be very happy to have you in my family. You’re a brilliant man. I’ve always liked you. Why not be reasonable? Come on now, and let’s drive over to Three Rivers, and you can take the train back to New York, okay?"
While Mrs. Dale had been talking, Eugene had been surveying her calmly. What a clever talker she was! How she could lie! He did not believe her. He did not believe one word that she said. She was fighting to keep him from Suzanne, why he could readily understand. Suzanne was somewhere, here, he fancied, though, as in the case of her recent trip to Albany, she might have been spirited away.
While Mrs. Dale talked, Eugene calmly observed her. What a smooth talker she was! How easily she could lie! He didn't believe her. Not a single word she said was credible. He understood why she was trying to keep him away from Suzanne. He imagined that Suzanne was somewhere nearby, though, like during her recent trip to Albany, she might have vanished.
"Absurd!" said Eugene easily, defiantly, indifferently. "I'll not do anything of the sort. In the first place, I don't believe you. If you are so anxious to be nice to me, let me see her, and then you can say all this in front of her. I've come up here to see her, and I'm going to. She's here. I know she is. [Pg 651] You needn't lie. You needn't talk. I know she's here. Now I'm going to see her, if I have to stay here a month and search."
"Ridiculous!" said Eugene casually, defiantly, and without concern. "I’m not going to do anything like that. First off, I don’t believe you. If you really want to be nice to me, let me see her, and then you can say all this in front of her. I came up here to see her, and I’m going to. She’s here. I know she is. [Pg 651] You don’t need to lie. You don’t need to talk. I know she’s here. Now I’m going to see her, even if I have to stay here for a month and look for her."
Mrs. Dale stirred nervously. She knew that Eugene was desperate. She knew that Suzanne had written to him. Talk might be useless. Strategy might not avail, but she could not help using it.
Mrs. Dale stirred nervously. She knew that Eugene was desperate. She knew that Suzanne had written to him. Talking might be useless. Strategy might not help, but she couldn’t help using it.
"Listen to me," she said excitedly. "I tell you Suzanne is not here. She's gone. There are guards up there—lots of them. They know who you are. They have your description. They have orders to kill you, if you try to break in. Kinroy is there. He is desperate. I have been having a struggle to prevent his killing you already. The place is watched. We are watched at this moment. Won't you be reasonable? You can't see her. She's gone. Why make all this fuss? Why take your life in your hands?"
"Listen to me," she said eagerly. "I’m telling you, Suzanne isn’t here. She’s gone. There are guards up there—lots of them. They know who you are. They have your description. They’ve been given orders to kill you if you try to break in. Kinroy is up there. He’s desperate. I’ve been struggling to keep him from killing you already. The place is under surveillance. We’re being watched right now. Can’t you be reasonable? You can’t see her. She’s gone. Why make such a big deal out of this? Why put your life at risk?"
"Don't talk," said Eugene. "You're lying. I can see it in your face. Besides, my life is nothing. I am not afraid. Why talk? She's here. I'm going to see her."
"Don't say anything," Eugene said. "You're not telling the truth. I can see it in your face. Besides, my life doesn't matter. I'm not scared. Why should I talk? She's here. I’m going to go see her."
He stared before him and Mrs. Dale ruminated as to what she was to do. There were no guards or detectives, as she said. Kinroy was not there. Suzanne was not away. This was all palaver, as Eugene suspected, for she was too anxious to avoid publicity to give any grounds for it, before she was absolutely driven.
He looked ahead while Mrs. Dale thought about what she should do. There were no guards or detectives, as she mentioned. Kinroy was not present. Suzanne was not gone. This was all nonsense, as Eugene suspected, because she was too worried about getting attention to give any reason for it until she was completely forced to.
It was a rather halcyon evening after some days of exceeding chill. A bright moon was coming up in the east, already discernible in the twilight, but which later would shine brilliantly. It was not cold but really pleasantly warm, and the rough road along which they were driving was richly odorous. Eugene was not unconscious of its beauty, but depressed by the possibility of Suzanne's absence.
It was a pretty calm evening after several days of really cold weather. A bright moon was rising in the east, already noticeable in the fading light, but would later shine brightly. It wasn’t cold, but actually quite pleasant, and the bumpy road they were driving on was full of rich scents. Eugene was aware of its beauty, but felt down about the possibility that Suzanne might not be there.
"Oh, do be generous," pleaded Mrs. Dale, who feared that once they saw each other, reason would disappear. Suzanne would demand, as she had been continually demanding, to be taken back to New York. Eugene with or without Suzanne's consent or plea, would ignore her overtures of compromise and there would be immediate departure or defiant union here. She thought she would kill them if need be, but in the face of Eugene's defiant persistence on one side, and Suzanne's on the other, her courage was failing. She was frightened by the daring of this man. "I will keep my word," she observed distractedly. "Honestly she isn't here. She's in Quebec, I tell you. Wait a month. I will bring her back then. We will arrange things together. Why can't you be generous?"
"Oh, please be generous," Mrs. Dale pleaded, worried that once they were in the same room, logic would vanish. Suzanne would insist, as she had been constantly insisting, on being taken back to New York. Eugene, with or without Suzanne's agreement or request, would dismiss her attempts at compromise, leading to either an immediate departure or a defiant union here. She felt she could do whatever it took, but with Eugene's stubbornness on one side and Suzanne's on the other, her courage was wavering. She was intimidated by this man's boldness. "I will keep my promise," she said, distracted. "Honestly, she isn’t here. She’s in Quebec, I promise you. Just wait a month. I’ll bring her back then. We can figure things out together. Why can’t you be generous?"
[Pg 652] "I could be," said Eugene, who was considering all the brilliant prospects which her proposal involved and being moved by them, "but I can't believe you. You're not telling me the truth. You didn't tell the truth to Suzanne when you took her from New York. That was a trick, and this is another. I know she isn't away. She's right up there in the lodge, wherever it is. You take me to her and then we will talk this thing out together. By the way, where are you going?"
[Pg 652] "I could be," said Eugene, who was thinking about all the exciting possibilities her proposal included and feeling inspired by them, "but I can't trust you. You're not being honest with me. You weren't truthful with Suzanne when you brought her from New York. That was a deception, and this is another. I know she isn't gone. She's right up there in the lodge, wherever that is. Take me to her and then we can figure this out together. By the way, where are you headed?"
Mrs. Dale had turned into a bypath or half-formed road closely lined with small trees and looking as though it might be a woodchoppers' path.
Mrs. Dale had turned onto a side path or an unfinished road, lined closely with small trees, giving the impression that it could be a woodcutter's trail.
"To the lodge."
"To the cabin."
"I don't believe it," replied Eugene, who was intensely suspicious. "This isn't a main road to any such place as that."
"I can't believe it," replied Eugene, who was really suspicious. "This isn't a main road to anywhere like that."
"I tell you it is."
"I'm telling you it is."
Mrs. Dale was nearing the precincts of the lodge and wanted more time to talk and plead.
Mrs. Dale was approaching the lodge and wanted more time to chat and persuade.
"Well," said Eugene, "you can go this way if you want to. I'm going to get out and walk. You can't throw me off by driving me around in some general way. I'm going to stay here a week, a month, two months, if necessary, but I'm not going back without seeing Suzanne. She's here, and I know it. I'll go up alone and find her. I'm not afraid of your guards."
"Well," Eugene said, "you can take this route if you want. I'm getting out and walking. You can't scare me off by just driving around aimlessly. I'm planning to stay here for a week, a month, or even two months if I have to, but I won't leave without seeing Suzanne. She's here, and I know it. I'll go up alone and find her. I'm not scared of your guards."
He jumped out and Mrs. Dale gave up in despair. "Wait," she pleaded. "It's over two miles yet. I'll take you there. She isn't home tonight, anyhow. She's over at the cottage of the caretaker. Oh, why won't you be reasonable? I'll bring her to New York, I tell you. Are you going to throw aside all those fine prospects and wreck your life and hers and mine? Oh, if Mr. Dale were only alive! If I had a man on whom I could rely! Come, get in, and I'll drive you up there, but promise me you won't ask to see her tonight. She isn't there, anyway. She's over at the caretaker's. Oh, dear, if only something would happen to solve this!"
He jumped out, and Mrs. Dale felt hopeless. "Wait," she begged. "It's more than two miles. I'll drive you there. She isn't home tonight, anyway. She's at the caretaker's cottage. Oh, why can't you be reasonable? I’ll bring her to New York, I promise. Are you really going to throw away all those great opportunities and ruin your life, hers, and mine? Oh, if only Mr. Dale were still alive! If I just had someone I could depend on! Come on, get in, and I'll take you there, but you have to promise me you won't ask to see her tonight. She's not there, anyway. She's at the caretaker's. Oh, I wish something would happen to fix this!"
"I thought you said she was in Quebec?"
"I thought you said she was in Quebec?"
"I only said that to gain time. I'm so unstrung. It wasn't true, but she isn't at the lodge, truly. She's away tonight. I can't let you stay there. Let me take you back to St. Jacques and you can stay with old Pierre Gaine. You can come up in the morning. The servants will think it so strange. I promise you you shall see Suzanne. I give you my word."
"I only said that to buy some time. I'm so on edge. It wasn’t true, but she really isn’t at the lodge. She’s not here tonight. I can't let you stay there. Let me take you back to St. Jacques, and you can stay with old Pierre Gaine. You can come up in the morning. The staff will find it so odd. I promise you’ll see Suzanne. I give you my word."
"Your word. Why, Mrs. Dale, you're going around in a ring! I can't believe anything you say," replied Eugene calmly. He was very much collected and elated now since he knew that [Pg 653] Suzanne was here. He was going to see her—he felt it. He had Mrs. Dale badly worsted, and he proposed to drive her until, in the presence of Suzanne, he and his beloved dictated terms.
"Your word. Well, Mrs. Dale, you're just going in circles! I can't take anything you say seriously," Eugene replied coolly. He felt completely composed and excited now that he knew that [Pg 653] Suzanne was here. He was going to see her—he could feel it. He had Mrs. Dale backed into a corner, and he planned to push her until, in front of Suzanne, he and his sweetheart set the terms.
"I'm going there tonight and you are going to bring her to me. If she isn't there, you know where to find her. She's here, and I'm going to see her tonight. We'll talk of all this you're proposing in front of her. It's silly to twist things around this way. The girl is with me, and you know it. She's mine. You can't control her. Now we two will talk to you together."
"I'm going there tonight and you're going to bring her to me. If she's not there, you know where to find her. She's here, and I'm going to see her tonight. We'll discuss everything you're suggesting in front of her. It's ridiculous to twist things like this. The girl is with me, and you know it. She's mine. You can't control her. Now the two of us will talk to you together."
He sat back in the light vehicle and began to hum a tune. The moon was getting clearer.
He leaned back in the light vehicle and started to hum a tune. The moon was becoming clearer.
"Promise me just one thing," urged Mrs. Dale despairingly. "Promise me that you will urge Suzanne to accept my proposition. A few months won't hurt. You can see her in New York as usual. Go about getting a divorce. You are the only one who has any influence with her. I admit it. She won't believe me. She won't listen to me. You tell her. Your future is in it. Persuade her to wait. Persuade her to stay up here or at Lenox for a little while and then come down. She will obey you. She will believe anything you say. I have lied. I have lied terribly all through this, but you can't blame me. Put yourself in my place. Think of my position. Please use your influence. I will do all that I say and more."
"Promise me just one thing," Mrs. Dale urged desperately. "Promise me you'll convince Suzanne to accept my proposal. A few months won’t hurt. You can see her in New York like you always do. Go ahead and get a divorce. You're the only one who really has any sway with her. I know it. She won’t believe me. She won’t listen to me. You have to tell her. Your future depends on it. Get her to wait. Get her to stay up here or in Lenox for a little while and then come down. She’ll listen to you. She’ll trust anything you say. I’ve lied. I’ve lied horribly all through this, but you can’t blame me. Just put yourself in my shoes. Think about my situation. Please use your influence. I’ll follow through on everything I said and more."
"Will you bring Suzanne to me tonight?"
"Are you going to bring Suzanne to me tonight?"
"Yes, if you promise."
"Sure, if you promise."
"Will you bring her to me tonight, promise or no promise? I don't want to say anything to you which I can't say in front of her."
"Are you going to bring her to me tonight, promise or not? I don’t want to say anything to you that I can’t say in front of her."
"Won't you promise me that you will accept my proposition and urge her to?"
"Will you promise me that you'll accept my proposal and encourage her to do the same?"
"I think I will, but I won't say. I want her to hear what you have to say. I think I will."
"I think I will, but I won't say. I want her to hear what you have to say. I think I will."
Mrs. Dale shook her head despondently.
Mrs. Dale shook her head in disappointment.
"You might as well acquiesce," went on Eugene. "I'm going to see her anyhow, whether you will or no. She's there, and I'll find her if I have to search the house room by room. She can hear my voice."
"You might as well give in," Eugene continued. "I'm going to see her anyway, whether you like it or not. She's there, and I'll find her even if I have to search the house room by room. She can hear my voice."
He was carrying things with a high hand.
He was confidently carrying things.
"Well," replied Mrs. Dale, "I suppose I must. Please don't let on to the servants. Pretend you're my guest. Let me take you back to St. Jacques tonight, after you see her. Don't stay with her more than half an hour."
"Well," replied Mrs. Dale, "I guess I have to. Please don't mention anything to the staff. Act like you’re my guest. Let me drive you back to St. Jacques tonight after you see her. Don’t spend more than half an hour with her."
She was absolutely frightened out of her wits at this terrific dénouement.
She was completely terrified by this shocking ending.
[Pg 654] Eugene sat grimly congratulating himself as they jogged on in the moonlight. He actually squeezed her arm cheerfully and told her not to be so despairing—that all would come out all right. They would talk to Suzanne. He would see what she would have to say.
[Pg 654] Eugene sat there, feeling grimly pleased with himself as they jogged on in the moonlight. He even cheerfully squeezed her arm and told her not to be so down—everything would turn out fine. They would talk to Suzanne. He’d find out what she had to say.
"You stay here," she said, as they reached a little wooded knoll in a bend of the road—a high spot commanding a vast stretch of territory now lit by a glistening northern moon. "I'll go right inside and get her. I don't know whether she's there, but if she isn't, she's over at the caretaker's, and we'll go over there. I don't want the servants to see you meet her. Please don't be demonstrative. Oh, be careful!"
"You stay here," she said as they reached a small wooded hill in a bend of the road—a high spot overlooking a vast area now illuminated by a shining northern moon. "I'll go inside and get her. I'm not sure if she's there, but if she isn't, she's at the caretaker's, and we'll head over there. I don't want the staff to see you meeting her. Please don’t be overly affectionate. Oh, be careful!"
Eugene smiled. How excited she was! How pointless, after all her threats! So this was victory. What a fight he had made! Here he was outside this beautiful lodge, the lights of which he could see gleaming like yellow gold through the silvery shadows. The air was full of field fragrances. You could smell the dewy earth, soon to be hard and covered deep in snow. There was still a bird's voice here and there and faint stirrings of the wind in the leaves. "On such a night," came back Shakespeare's lines. How fitting that Suzanne should come to him under such conditions! Oh, the wonder of this romance—the beauty of it! From the very beginning it had been set about with perfections of scenery and material environment. Obviously, nature had intended this as the crowning event of his life. Life recognized him as a genius—the fates it was heaping posies in his lap, laying a crown of victory upon his brow.
Eugene smiled. How excited she was! How pointless, after all her threats! So this was victory. What a fight he had put up! Here he was outside this beautiful lodge, its lights shining like yellow gold through the silvery shadows. The air was filled with the scents of the fields. You could smell the dewy earth, soon to become cold and blanketed in snow. There were still a bird’s calls here and there and gentle rustlings of the wind in the leaves. "On such a night," came to mind from Shakespeare’s lines. How perfect that Suzanne should come to him under such circumstances! Oh, the wonder of this romance—the beauty of it! From the very beginning, it had been surrounded by stunning scenery and a perfect setting. Clearly, nature had intended this as the highlight of his life. Life recognized him as a genius—the fates were showering him with blessings, placing a crown of victory upon his brow.
He waited while Mrs. Dale went to the lodge, and then after a time, true enough, there appeared in the distance the swinging, buoyant, girlish form of Suzanne. She was plump, healthful, vigorous. He could detect her in the shadows under the trees and behind her a little way Mrs. Dale. Suzanne came eagerly on—youthful, buoyant, dancing, determined, beautiful. Her skirts were swinging about her body in ripples as she strode. She looked all Eugene had ever thought her. Hebe—a young Diana, a Venus at nineteen. Her lips were parted in a welcoming smile as she drew near and her eyes were as placid as those dull opals which still burn with a hidden lustre of gold and flame.
He waited while Mrs. Dale went to the lodge, and then after a while, sure enough, he saw in the distance the swinging, lively figure of Suzanne. She was curvy, healthy, and full of energy. He could spot her in the shadows under the trees, with Mrs. Dale a little ways behind her. Suzanne came towards him eagerly—youthful, vibrant, dancing, determined, beautiful. Her skirts flowed around her as she walked. She looked exactly how Eugene had always envisioned her. Hebe—a young Diana, a Venus at nineteen. Her lips were slightly parted in a welcoming smile as she approached, and her eyes were as calm as those dull opals that still shine with a hidden glimmer of gold and flame.
She held out her arms to him as she came, running the last few steps.
She stretched out her arms to him as she approached, sprinting the last few steps.
"Suzanne!" called her mother. "For shame!"
"Suzanne!" her mother called. "How could you!"
"Hush, mama!" declared Suzanne defiantly. "I don't care. I don't care. It's your fault. You shouldn't have lied to me. [Pg 655] He wouldn't have come if I hadn't sent for him. I'm going back to New York. I told you I was."
"Hush, Mom!" Suzanne said boldly. "I don't care. I don't care. It's your fault. You shouldn't have lied to me. [Pg 655] He wouldn't have come if I hadn't called him. I'm going back to New York. I told you I was."
She did not say, "Oh, Eugene!" as she came close, but gathered his face in her hands and looked eagerly into his eyes. His burned into hers. She stepped back and opened wide her arms only to fold them tightly about him.
She didn’t say, “Oh, Eugene!” as she approached, but took his face in her hands and looked eagerly into his eyes. His gaze locked onto hers. She stepped back and opened her arms wide only to wrap them tightly around him.
"At last! At last!" he said, kissing her feverishly. "Oh, Suzanne! Oh, Flower Face!"
"Finally! Finally!" he said, kissing her passionately. "Oh, Suzanne! Oh, Flower Face!"
"I knew you would come," she said. "I told her you would. I'll go back with you."
"I knew you'd show up," she said. "I told her you would. I'll go back with you."
"Yes, yes," said Eugene. "Oh, this wonderful night! This wonderful climax! Oh, to have you in my arms again!"
"Yeah, yeah," said Eugene. "Oh, this amazing night! This incredible moment! Oh, to have you in my arms again!"
Mrs. Dale stood by, white, intense. To think a daughter of hers should act like this, confound her so, make her a helpless spectator of her iniquity. What an astounding, terrible, impossible thing!
Mrs. Dale stood by, pale and tense. To think her daughter could act like this, to frustrate her so, and make her a helpless observer of her wrongdoing. What an astonishing, terrible, impossible situation!
"Suzanne!" she cried. "Oh, that I should have lived to see this day!"
"Suzanne!" she exclaimed. "Oh, I can't believe I lived to see this day!"
"I told you, mama, that you would regret bringing me up here," declared Suzanne. "I told you I would write to him. I knew you would come," she said to Eugene, and she squeezed his hand affectionately.
"I told you, Mom, that you'd regret bringing me up here," Suzanne said. "I told you I would write to him. I knew you'd come," she said to Eugene, squeezing his hand affectionately.
Eugene inhaled a deep breath and stared at her. The night, the stars swung around him in a gorgeous orbit. Thus it was to be victorious. It was too beautiful, too wonderful! To think he should have triumphed in this way! Could any other man anywhere ever have enjoyed such a victory?
Eugene took a deep breath and looked at her. The night, the stars twinkled around him in a stunning orbit. This was what it meant to win. It was too beautiful, too amazing! To think he had triumphed like this! Could any other man anywhere have ever experienced such a victory?
"Oh, Suzanne," he said eagerly, "this is like a dream; it's like heaven! I can scarcely believe I am alive."
"Oh, Suzanne," he said eagerly, "this is like a dream; it's like heaven! I can hardly believe I'm alive."
"Yes, yes," she replied, "it is beautiful, perfect!" And together they strolled away from her mother, hand in hand.
"Yes, yes," she said, "it's beautiful, perfect!" And together they walked away from her mom, hand in hand.
CHAPTER XX
The flaw in this situation was that Eugene, after getting Suzanne in his arms once more, had no particular solution to offer. Instead of at once outlining an open or secret scheme of escape, or taking her by main force and walking off with her, as she more than half expected him to do, here he was repeating to her what her mother had told him, and instead of saying "Come!" he was asking her advice.
The problem in this situation was that Eugene, after getting Suzanne in his arms once again, had no real plan to propose. Instead of immediately laying out a clear or hidden escape plan, or taking her by force and walking away with her, which she expected him to do, he was just repeating what her mother had told him, and instead of saying "Come!" he was asking for her input.
"This is what your mother proposed to me just now, Suzanne," he began, and entered upon a full explanation. It was a vision of empire to him.
"This is what your mom just suggested to me, Suzanne," he started, and went into a detailed explanation. It was a vision of empire for him.
"I said to her," he said, speaking of her mother, who was near by, "that I would decide nothing. She wanted me to say that I would do this, but I insisted that it must be left to you. If you want to go back to New York, we will go, tonight or tomorrow. If you want to accept this plan of your mother's, it's all right, so far as I am concerned. I would rather have you now, but if I can see you, I am willing to wait."
"I told her," he said, referring to her mother, who was nearby, "that I wouldn't make any decisions. She wanted me to say I'd go along with this, but I insisted it was up to you. If you want to head back to New York, we can go tonight or tomorrow. If you want to go with your mother's plan, that's fine by me. I'd prefer to be with you now, but if I can see you later, I'm okay with waiting."
He was calm now, logical, foolishly speculative. Suzanne wondered at this. She had no advice to offer. She had expected some dramatic climax, but since it had not come about, she had to be content. The truth was that she had been swept along by her desire to be with Eugene. It had seemed to her in the beginning that it was not possible for him to get a divorce. It had seemed also from her reading and youthful philosophizing that it was really not necessary. She did not want to be mean to Angela. She did not want Eugene to mortify her by openly leaving her. She had fancied since Eugene had said that Angela was not satisfactory to him and that there was no real love between them, that Angela really did not care she had practically admitted as much in her letter—that it would not make so much difference if she shared him with her. What was he explaining now—a new theory as to what they were to do? She thought he was coming for her to take her away like a god, whereas here he was presenting a new theory to her in anything but a god-like way. It was confusing. She did not know how it was that Eugene did not want to leave at once.
He was calm now, logical, and foolishly speculative. Suzanne found this puzzling. She had no advice to give. She had anticipated some dramatic moment, but since it didn't happen, she had to be okay with it. The truth was that she had been carried away by her desire to be with Eugene. At first, she thought it was impossible for him to get a divorce. She also believed, based on her reading and youthful pondering, that it really wasn’t necessary. She didn’t want to be cruel to Angela. She didn’t want Eugene to embarrass her by leaving her openly. Ever since Eugene had mentioned that Angela wasn’t satisfying to him and that there was no real love between them, she had imagined that Angela didn’t really care—she had practically admitted as much in her letter—and that it wouldn’t matter much if she shared him. What was he explaining now—a new plan for what they were supposed to do? She thought he was coming to take her away like a deity, but here he was presenting a new theory in anything but a god-like manner. It was confusing. She couldn’t understand why Eugene didn’t want to leave right away.
"Well, I don't know whatever you think," she said. "If you want me to stay here another month——"
"Well, I don't know what you think," she said. "If you want me to stick around for another month——"
"No, no!" exclaimed Eugene quickly, conscious of a flaw in [Pg 657] the arrangement, and anxious to make it seem right. "I didn't mean that. Not that. I want you to come back with me now, if possible, tonight, only I wanted to tell you this. Your mother seems sincere. It seems a shame if we can keep friends with her and still have our way, not to do so. I don't want to do any greater harm than I can help unless you are perfectly willing and——" He hesitated over his own thoughts.
"No, no!" Eugene said quickly, aware of a mistake in [Pg 657] the plan, and eager to fix it. "I didn't mean that. Not that. I want you to come back with me now, if possible, tonight. I just wanted to tell you this. Your mom seems genuine. It seems wrong if we can stay friends with her and still do what we want, not to take that opportunity. I don’t want to cause any more harm than necessary unless you’re completely okay with it—and—" He paused, considering his own thoughts.
At this moment Suzanne could scarcely have told what she felt. The crux of the situation was being put to her for her decision, and it should not be. She was not strong enough, not experienced enough. Eugene should decide, and whatever he decided would be right.
At that moment, Suzanne could barely understand what she was feeling. The heart of the situation was being presented to her for a decision, and it shouldn't have been. She wasn't strong enough or experienced enough. Eugene should make the decision, and whatever he chose would be the right choice.
The truth was that after getting her in his arms again, and that in the presence of her mother, Eugene did not feel that he was quite so much the victor as he had imagined, or that the whole problem of his life was solved. He could not very well ignore, he thought, what Mrs. Dale had to offer, if she was offering it seriously. She had said to him just before he came into the presence of Suzanne that unless he accepted these terms she would go on fighting—that she would telegraph to Colfax and ask him to come up here. Although Eugene had drawn his money and was ready to fly if he could, still the thought of Colfax and the desire to keep his present state of social security and gain all Mrs. Dale had to offer besides were deterrents. He hesitated. Wasn't there some way to smooth everything out?
The truth was that after holding her in his arms again, especially in front of her mother, Eugene didn’t feel as much like a winner as he had thought, or that he had figured out all the problems in his life. He couldn't really ignore what Mrs. Dale was offering, especially if she was being serious about it. She had told him just before he met Suzanne that unless he accepted her terms, she would continue to fight—she would contact Colfax and ask him to come up here. Even though Eugene had withdrawn his money and was ready to leave if possible, the thought of Colfax coming and the desire to maintain his current social status along with everything Mrs. Dale had to offer held him back. He hesitated. Wasn’t there a way to resolve everything smoothly?
"I don't want you to decide finally," he said, "but what do you think?"
"I don't want you to make a final decision," he said, "but what do you think?"
Suzanne was in a simmering, nebulous state, and could not think. Eugene was here. This was Arcady and the moon was high.
Suzanne was in a vague, heated state and couldn’t think. Eugene was here. This was Arcady and the moon was high.
It was beautiful to have him with her again. It was wonderful to feel his caresses. But he was not flying with her. They were not defying the world; they were not doing what she fancied they would be doing, rushing to victory, and that was what she had sent for him for. Mrs. Dale was going to help Eugene get a divorce, so she said. She was going to help subsidize Angela, if necessary. Suzanne was going to get married, and actually settle down after a time. What a curious thought. Why that was not what she had wanted to do. She had wanted to flout convention in some way; to do original things as she had planned, as she had dreamed. It might be disastrous, but she did not think so. Her mother would have yielded. Why was Eugene compromising? It was curious. Such thoughts as these formulated in her mind at this time [Pg 658] were the most disastrous things that could happen to their romance. Union should have followed his presence. Flight should have been a portion of it. As it was she was in his arms, but she was turning over vague, nebulous thoughts. Something—a pale mist before an otherwise brilliant moon; a bit of spindrift; a speck of cloud, no bigger than a man's hand that might possibly portend something and might not, had come over the situation. Eugene was as desirable as ever, but he was not flying with her. They were talking about going back to New York afterwards, but they were not going together at once. How was that?
It was lovely to have him with her again. It was amazing to feel his touch. But he wasn't soaring with her. They weren't challenging the world; they weren't doing what she imagined they would be doing, racing towards victory, and that was why she had called him. Mrs. Dale said she was going to help Eugene get a divorce. She was going to help support Angela if it became necessary. Suzanne was planning to get married and actually settle down eventually. What a strange thought. That wasn't what she had wanted to do. She had wanted to break away from convention somehow; to do original things like she had planned, like she had dreamed. It could have been disastrous, but she didn’t think so. Her mother would have given in. Why was Eugene settling? It was odd. Thoughts like these formed in her mind at that moment [Pg 658] were the most damaging things that could happen to their romance. Union should have followed his presence. Flight should have been a part of it. As it was, she was in his arms, but her mind was filled with vague, unclear thoughts. Something—a faint mist before an otherwise brilliant moon; a bit of spray; a cloud no bigger than a man's hand that might hint at something or might not—had come over the situation. Eugene was as appealing as ever, but he wasn't soaring with her. They were discussing going back to New York later, but they weren’t going together right away. How was that?
"Do you think mama can really damage you with Mr. Colfax?" she asked curiously at one point, after Eugene had mentioned her mother's threat.
"Do you think mom can actually hurt you with Mr. Colfax?" she asked curiously at one point, after Eugene had mentioned her mother's threat.
"I don't know," he replied solemnly. "Yes, I think she could. I don't know what he'd do, though. It doesn't matter much one way or the other," he added. Suzanne puzzled.
"I don't know," he said seriously. "Yeah, I think she could. I'm not sure what he'd do, though. It doesn't really matter either way," he added. Suzanne was confused.
"Well, if you want to wait, it's all right," she said. "I want to do whatever you think best. I don't want you to lose your position. If you think we ought to wait, we will."
"Sure, if you want to wait, that’s fine," she said. "I just want to do what you think is best. I don’t want you to lose your position. If you think we should wait, then we’ll wait."
"Not if I'm not to be with you regularly," replied Eugene, who was wavering. He was not your true champion of victory—your administrative leader. Foolishly he was spelling over an arrangement whereby he could eat his cake and have it—see Suzanne, drive with her, dance with her, all but live with her in New York until such time as the actual union could be arranged secretly or openly. Mrs. Dale was promising to receive him as a son, but she was merely plotting for time—time to think, act, permit Suzanne, under argument, to come to her senses. Time would solve everything, she thought, and tonight as she hung about, keeping close and overhearing some of Eugene's remarks, she felt relieved. Either he was coming to his senses and beginning to regret his folly or he was being deluded by her lies. If she could keep him and Suzanne apart one more week, and get to New York herself, she would go to Colfax now, and to Winfield, and see if they could not be induced to use their good offices. Eugene must be broken. He was erratic, insane. Her lies were apparently plausible enough to gain her this delay, and that was all she wanted.
"Not if I can't be with you regularly," replied Eugene, who was unsure. He wasn't really a true champion of victory—more like a manager. Foolishly, he was trying to come up with a plan where he could have it all—see Suzanne, drive with her, dance with her, basically live with her in New York until they could figure out a way to get married, either secretly or openly. Mrs. Dale was promising to accept him as a son, but she was just stalling for time—time to think, act, and reason with Suzanne to make her see things clearly. She believed time would solve everything, and tonight as she lingered nearby, listening in on some of Eugene's comments, she felt a sense of relief. Either he was starting to come to his senses and regret his mistakes, or he was being tricked by her lies. If she could keep him and Suzanne apart for just one more week and make it to New York herself, she would go to Colfax now, and then to Winfield, to see if they could be persuaded to help. Eugene needed to be brought down. He was unpredictable and irrational. Her lies seemed convincing enough to buy her this delay, and that was all she needed.
"Well, I don't know. Whatever you think," said Suzanne again, after a time between embraces and kisses, "do you want me to come back with you tomorrow, or——"
"Well, I don't know. Whatever you think," Suzanne said again, after a pause filled with hugs and kisses. "Do you want me to come back with you tomorrow, or——"
"Yes, yes," he replied quickly and vigorously, "tomorrow, only we must try and argue your mother into the right frame of [Pg 659] mind. She feels that she has lost now since we are together, and we must keep her in that mind. She talks compromise and that's just what we want. If she is willing to have us make some arrangement, why not? I would be willing to let things rest for a week or so, just to give her a chance if she wishes. If she doesn't change then we can act. You could come as far as Lenox for a week, and then come on."
"Yes, yes," he replied quickly and energetically, "tomorrow, but we need to try and get your mother in the right mindset. She feels like she's lost something now that we're together, and we have to keep her thinking that way. She talks about compromise, and that's exactly what we want. If she's open to us making some arrangement, why not? I'm fine with taking a break for a week or so to give her a chance if she wants. If she doesn’t change, then we can act. You could come as far as Lenox for a week, and then come on."
He talked like one who had won a great victory, whereas he had really suffered a great defeat. He was not taking Suzanne.
He spoke like someone who had achieved a major victory, even though he had actually faced a significant defeat. He wasn't taking Suzanne.
Suzanne brooded. It was not what she expected—but——
Suzanne was lost in thought. It wasn’t what she had expected—but——
"Yes," she said, after a time.
"Yeah," she said, after a moment.
"Will you return with me tomorrow?"
"Are you coming back with me tomorrow?"
"Yes."
"Sure."
"As far as Lenox or New York?"
"As far as Lenox or New York?"
"We'll see what mama says. If you can agree with her—anything you want—I am willing."
"We'll see what Mom says. If you can agree with her—anything you want—I’m on board."
After a time Eugene and Suzanne parted for the night. It was agreed that they should see each other in the morning, that they should go back as far as Lenox together. Mrs. Dale was to help Eugene get a divorce. It was a delightfully affectionate and satisfactory situation, but somehow Eugene felt that he was not handling it right. He went to bed in one part of the house—Suzanne in another—Mrs. Dale, fearful and watchful, staying near by, but there was no need. He was not desperate. He went to sleep thinking that the near future was going to adjust everything for him nicely, and that he and Suzanne were eventually going to get married.
After a while, Eugene and Suzanne said goodnight. They agreed to meet again in the morning and to travel back to Lenox together. Mrs. Dale was going to help Eugene get a divorce. It was a wonderfully affectionate and satisfying situation, but somehow Eugene felt like he wasn't managing it correctly. He went to bed in one part of the house while Suzanne was in another, with Mrs. Dale, concerned and watchful, staying nearby, but it wasn't necessary. He wasn’t feeling desperate. He went to sleep thinking that the near future would sort everything out for him nicely and that he and Suzanne would eventually get married.
CHAPTER XXI
The next day, after wavering whether they would not spend a few days here in billing and cooing and listening to Mrs. Dale's veiled pleas as to what the servants might think, or what they might know already or suspect from what the station master at Three Rivers might say, they decided to return, Eugene to New York, Suzanne to Lenox. All the way back to Albany, Eugene and Suzanne sat together in one seat in the Pullman like two children rejoicing in each other's company. Mrs. Dale sat one seat away, turning over her promises and pondering whether, after all, she had not yet better go at once and try to end all by an appeal to Colfax, or whether she had better wait a little while and see if the affair might not die down of its own accord.
The next day, after debating whether they should spend a few days here indulging in sweet talk and considering Mrs. Dale's subtle hints about what the servants might think or what they might already know based on what the station master at Three Rivers could say, they decided to head back—Eugene to New York and Suzanne to Lenox. All the way back to Albany, Eugene and Suzanne sat together in one seat in the Pullman like two kids enjoying each other's company. Mrs. Dale sat one seat away, going over her promises and wondering if maybe she should just go straight to Colfax to resolve everything, or if she should wait a bit and see if the situation would calm down on its own.
At Albany the following morning, Suzanne and Mrs. Dale transferred to the Boston and Albany, Eugene going on to New York. He went to the office feeling much relieved, and later in the day to his apartment. Angela, who had been under a terrific strain, stared at him as if he were a ghost, or one come back to life from the dead. She had not known where he had gone. She had not known whether he would ever come back. There was no use in reproaching him—she had realized that long since. The best she could do was to make an appeal. She waited until after dinner, at which they had discussed the mere commonplaces of life, and then came to his room, where he was unpacking.
At Albany the next morning, Suzanne and Mrs. Dale switched to the Boston and Albany, while Eugene continued on to New York. He arrived at the office feeling much lighter and later went to his apartment. Angela, who had been under immense stress, looked at him as if he were a ghost or someone brought back from the dead. She had no idea where he had gone or if he would ever return. There was no point in blaming him—she had realized that a long time ago. All she could do was reach out to him. She waited until after dinner, during which they had talked about the usual day-to-day topics, and then went to his room where he was unpacking.
"Did you go to find Suzanne?" she asked.
"Did you go to look for Suzanne?" she asked.
"Yes."
"Yeah."
"Is she with you?"
"Is she with you?"
"No."
"No."
"Oh, Eugene, do you know where I have spent the last three days?" she asked.
"Oh, Eugene, do you know where I've been for the last three days?" she asked.
He did not answer.
He didn’t answer.
"On my knees. On my knees," she declared, "asking God to save you from yourself."
"On my knees. On my knees," she said, "praying to God to save you from yourself."
"Don't talk rot, Angela," he returned coldly. "You know how I feel about this thing. How much worse am I now than I was before? I tried to get you on the phone to tell you. I went to find her and bring her back, and I did as far as Lenox. I am going to win this fight. I am going to get Suzanne, [Pg 661] either legally or otherwise. If you want to give me a divorce, you can. I will provide amply for you. If you don't I'm going to take her, anyhow. That's understood between me and her. Now what's the use of hysterics?"
"Don't talk nonsense, Angela," he replied coldly. "You know how I feel about this. How much worse am I now than I was before? I tried to call you to explain. I went to find her and bring her back, and I got as far as Lenox. I'm going to win this fight. I'm going to get Suzanne, [Pg 661] either legally or otherwise. If you want to give me a divorce, you can. I'll take good care of you. If you don't, I'm still going to take her. That's understood between me and her. So what's the point of all this drama?"
Angela looked at him tearfully. Could this be the Eugene she had known? In each scene with him, after each plea, or through it, she came to this adamantine wall. Was he really so frantic about this girl? Was he going to do what he said? He outlined to her quite calmly his plans as recently revised, and at one point Angela, speaking of Mrs. Dale, interrupted him—"she will never give her up to you—you will see. You think she will. She says she will. She is only fooling you. She is fighting for time. Think what you are doing. You can't win."
Angela looked at him with tears in her eyes. Could this really be the Eugene she once knew? In every interaction with him, after every request, she hit this unyielding barrier. Was he really that obsessed with this girl? Was he actually going to follow through on what he said? He calmly explained his recently updated plans, and at one point, when Angela mentioned Mrs. Dale, she interrupted him—"She will never give her up to you—you'll see. You think she will. She says she will. She's just playing you. She's stalling for time. Think about what you're doing. You can't win."
"Oh, yes, I can," said Eugene, "I practically have already. She will come to me."
"Oh, yes, I can," said Eugene, "I basically already have. She'll come to me."
"She may, she may, but at what a cost. Look at me, Eugene. Am I not enough? I am still good looking. You have declared to me time and again that I have a beautiful form. See, see"—she tore open her dressing gown and the robe de nuit, in which she had come in. She had arranged this scene, especially thought it out, and hoped it would move him. "Am I not enough? Am I not still all that you desire?"
"She might, she might, but at what cost? Look at me, Eugene. Am I not enough? I'm still good-looking. You've told me over and over that I have a beautiful figure. Look, look"—she ripped open her dressing gown and the nightgown she had come in. She had planned this moment, carefully thought it through, and hoped it would touch him. "Am I not enough? Am I not still everything you want?"
Eugene turned his head away in disgust—wearily—sick of their melodramatic appeals. This was the last rôle Angela should have played. It was the most ineffectual, the least appropriate at the moment. It was dramatic, striking, but totally ineffective under the circumstances.
Eugene turned his head away in disgust—tired—sick of their over-the-top pleas. This was the last role Angela should have taken on. It was the most useless, the least suitable at that moment. It was dramatic and striking, but completely ineffective given the situation.
"It's useless acting in that way to me, Angela," he said. "I'm no longer to be moved in that way by you. All marital affection between us is dead—terribly so. Why plead to me with something that has no appeal. I can't help it. It's dead. Now what are we going to do about it?"
"It's pointless to act like that with me, Angela," he said. "I’m no longer swayed by you. Any love we had as a couple is gone—completely. Why try to convince me with something that doesn't matter to me? I can't change that. It's over. So what are we going to do about it?"
Once more Angela turned wearily. Although she was nerve worn and despairing, she was still fascinated by the tragedy which was being played out under her eyes. Would nothing make him see?
Once again, Angela turned around in exhaustion. Even though she was mentally drained and feeling hopeless, she was still captivated by the tragedy unfolding before her. Would nothing make him understand?
They went their separate ways for the night, and the next day he was at his desk again. Word came from Suzanne that she was still in Lenox, and then that her mother had gone to Boston for a day or two on a visit. The fifth day Colfax stepped into his office, and, hailing him pleasantly, sat down.
They parted ways for the night, and the next day he was back at his desk. He heard from Suzanne that she was still in Lenox, and then that her mom had gone to Boston for a day or two to visit. On the fifth day, Colfax walked into his office, greeted him warmly, and took a seat.
"Well, how are things with you, old man?" he asked.
"Well, how's it going, old man?" he asked.
"Oh, about the same," said Eugene. "I can't complain."
"Oh, about the same," Eugene said. "I can't complain."
"Yes, moderately so."
"Yeah, somewhat."
"People don't usually butt in on you here when I'm here, do they?" he asked curiously.
"People usually don't interrupt you when I'm around, do they?" he asked with curiosity.
"I've given orders against anything like that, but I'll make it doubly sure in this case," said Eugene, alert at once. Could Colfax be going to talk to him about anything in connection with his case? He paled a little.
"I've put a stop to anything like that, but I'll make sure it doesn't happen this time," Eugene said, immediately on high alert. Could Colfax be planning to discuss something related to his case? He became a bit pale.
Colfax looked out of the window at the distant panorama of the Hudson. He took out a cigar, and cut the end, but did not light it.
Colfax looked out the window at the far-off view of the Hudson. He took out a cigar, cut the end, but didn’t light it.
"I asked you about not being interrupted," he began thoughtfully, "because I have a little something I want to talk to you about, which I would rather no one else heard. Mrs. Dale came to me the other day," he said quietly. Eugene started at the mention of her name and paled still more, but gave no other outward sign. "And she told me a long story about something that you were trying to do in connection with her daughter—run away with her, or go and live with her without a license or a divorce, or desert your wife, or something to that effect, which I didn't pay much attention to, but which I have to talk to you about just the same. Now, I never like to meddle with a man's personal affairs. I don't think that they concern me. I don't think they concern this business, except in so far as they may affect it unfavorably, but I would like to know if it is true. Is it?"
"I asked you about not interrupting me," he started thoughtfully, "because there’s something I want to discuss with you that I'd prefer no one else hears. Mrs. Dale came to me the other day," he said quietly. Eugene flinched at the mention of her name and turned even paler, but showed no other reaction. "She told me a long story about something you were trying to do with her daughter—running away with her, or living with her without a license or a divorce, or leaving your wife, or something like that, which I didn’t really pay much attention to, but I need to talk to you about it anyway. Now, I never like to interfere in a man's personal matters. I don’t think they concern me. I don’t think they concern this business, except as they might negatively affect it, but I’d like to know if it’s true. Is it?"
"Yes," said Eugene.
"Yeah," said Eugene.
"Mrs. Dale is an old friend of mine. I've known her for years. I know Mrs. Witla, of course, but not quite in the same way. I haven't seen as much of her as I have of you. I didn't know that you were unhappily married, but that is neither here nor there. The point is, that she seems to be on the verge of making a great scandal out of this—she seems a little distracted to me—and I thought I'd better come up and have a little talk with you before anything serious really happened. You know it would be a rather damaging thing to this business if any scandal were started in connection with you just at present."
"Mrs. Dale is an old friend of mine. I've known her for years. I know Mrs. Witla, of course, but not in the same way. I haven't spent as much time with her as I have with you. I didn't realize you were unhappily married, but that's beside the point. The thing is, she seems ready to create a huge scandal over this—she looks a bit out of it to me—and I thought it would be best to come and have a little chat with you before anything serious really happens. You know, it would be pretty damaging to this business if any kind of scandal connected to you came up right now."
He paused, expecting some protest or explanation, but Eugene merely held his peace. He was tense, pale, harried. So she had gone to Colfax, after all. Instead of going to Boston; instead of keeping her word, she had come down here to New York and gone to Colfax. Had she told him the full story? Very likely Colfax, in spite of all his smooth words, would be inclined to sympathize with her. What must he think of him? [Pg 663] He was rather conservative in a social way. Mrs. Dale could be of service to him in her world in one way and another. He had never seen Colfax quite so cool and deliberate as he was now. He seemed to be trying to maintain an exceedingly judicial and impartial tone, which was not characteristic.
He paused, expecting some kind of protest or explanation, but Eugene just stayed silent. He looked tense, pale, and stressed. So she had gone to Colfax after all. Instead of going to Boston; instead of keeping her promise, she had come down to New York and met with Colfax. Had she told him the whole story? It was likely that Colfax, despite all his smooth talk, would feel sympathetic toward her. What must he think of him? [Pg 663] He was pretty conservative socially. Mrs. Dale could help him in her social circle in various ways. He had never seen Colfax as cool and calculated as he was now. He seemed to be trying to maintain an unusually fair and impartial tone, which wasn’t like him at all.
"You have always been an interesting study to me, Witla, ever since I first met you," he went on, after a time. "You're a genius, I fancy, if there ever was one, but like all geniuses you are afflicted with tendencies which are erratic. I used to think for a little while that maybe you sat down and planned the things which you have carried through so successfully, but I have since concluded that you don't. You attract some forms of force and order. Also, I think you have various other faculties—it would be hard for me to say just what they are. One is vision. I know you have that. Another is appreciation of ability. I know you have that. I have seen you pick some exceptional people. You plan in a way, but you don't plan logically or deliberately, unless I am greatly mistaken. The matter of this Dale girl now is an interesting case in point, I think."
"You've always fascinated me, Witla, ever since we first met," he continued after a moment. "I think you're a genius, if there ever was one, but like all geniuses, you have some erratic tendencies. For a while, I thought you might sit down and plan out the things you’ve managed to accomplish so well, but I've come to realize that you don’t. You attract certain types of force and order. Plus, I believe you have various other abilities—it’s hard for me to pinpoint exactly what they are. One is vision. I know you have that. Another is an appreciation for talent. I’ve seen you choose some remarkable people. You do have a way of planning, but it’s not logical or intentional, unless I’m seriously mistaken. The situation with this Dale girl is a good example, I think."
"Let's not talk of her," said Eugene frigidly and bridling slightly. Suzanne was a sore point with him. A dangerous subject. Colfax saw it. "That's something I can't talk about very well."
"Let's not talk about her," Eugene said coldly, his irritation evident. Suzanne was a sensitive subject for him. A risky topic. Colfax noticed it. "That's not a conversation I'm comfortable having."
"Well, we won't," put in the other calmly, "but the point can be established in other ways. You'll admit, I think, that you haven't been planning very well in connection with this present situation, for if you had been, you would see that in doing what you have been doing you have been riding straight for a fall. If you were going to take the girl, and she was willing, as she appears to be, you should have taken her without her mother's knowledge, old man. She might have been able to adjust things afterward. If not, you would have had her, and I suppose you would have been willing to suffer the consequences, if you had been caught. As it is, you have let Mrs. Dale in on it, and she has powerful friends. You can't ignore her. I can't. She is in a fighting mood, and it looks as though she were going to bring considerable pressure to bear to make you let go."
"Well, we won't," the other replied calmly, "but there are other ways to make the point. You have to admit that you haven't been planning very well in this situation, because if you had been, you'd realize that your current actions are leading you straight to trouble. If you were going to take the girl, and she seemed willing, you should have done it without her mother's knowledge, old man. She might have been able to sort things out later. If not, you would have had her, and I guess you would have been willing to face the consequences if you got caught. Instead, you’ve let Mrs. Dale in on it, and she has powerful friends. You can't just dismiss her. I can’t. She's ready to fight, and it looks like she's going to apply significant pressure to make you back off."
He paused again, waiting to see if Eugene would say something, but the latter made no comment.
He paused again, waiting to see if Eugene would say anything, but he didn’t say a word.
"I want to ask one question, and I don't want you to take any offense at it, for I don't mean anything by it, but it will help to clear this matter up in my own mind, and probably [Pg 664] in yours later, if you will. Have you had anything to do in a compromising way with Miss——?"
"I want to ask you something, and I hope you won't take offense, as I don't mean anything by it. It'll help me sort this out in my own mind, and probably in yours later too, if you're open to it. Have you been involved in any compromising way with Miss—?"
"No," said Eugene before he could finish.
"No," Eugene said before he could finish.
"How long has this fight been going on?"
"How long has this fight been happening?"
"Oh, about four weeks, or a little less."
"Oh, about four weeks, or maybe a bit less."
Colfax bit at the end of his cigar.
Colfax took a bite of his cigar.
"You have powerful enemies here, you know, Witla. Your rule hasn't been very lenient. One of the things I have noticed about you is your utter inability to play politics. You have picked men who would be very glad to have your shoes, if they could. If they could get the details of this predicament, your situation wouldn't be tenable more than fifteen minutes. You know that, of course. In spite of anything I might do you would have to resign. You couldn't maintain yourself here. I couldn't let you. You haven't thought of that in this connection, I suppose. No man in love does. I know just how you feel. From having seen Mrs. Witla, I can tell in a way just what the trouble is. You have been reined in too close. You haven't been master in your own home. It's irritated you. Life has appeared to be a failure. You have lost your chance, or thought you had on this matrimonial game, and it's made you restless. I know this girl. She's beautiful. But just as I say, old man, you haven't counted the cost—you haven't calculated right—you haven't planned. If anything could prove to me what I have always faintly suspected about you, it is this: You don't plan carefully enough——" and he looked out of the window.
"You have powerful enemies here, you know, Witla. Your rule hasn’t been very forgiving. One thing I’ve noticed about you is your complete failure to navigate politics. You’ve chosen men who would be more than happy to take your place if they could. If they were to get the details of this situation, your position wouldn’t be safe for more than fifteen minutes. You know that, of course. No matter what I might do, you would have to resign. You couldn’t hold on here. I wouldn’t allow it. I suppose you haven’t thought of that in this context. No man in love does. I know exactly how you feel. From having met Mrs. Witla, I can tell in a way just what the problem is. You’ve been held back too much. You haven’t been in charge in your own home. It’s frustrated you. Life seems like a failure. You feel like you’ve lost your opportunity, or thought you had, in this marriage thing, and it’s made you restless. I know this girl. She’s beautiful. But like I said, old man, you haven’t counted the cost—you haven’t calculated correctly—you haven’t strategized. If anything could prove to me what I’ve always vaguely suspected about you, it’s this: You don’t plan carefully enough——" and he looked out the window.
Eugene sat staring at the floor. He couldn't make out just what it was that Colfax intended to do about it. He was calmer in his thinking than he had ever seen him before—less dramatic. As a rule, Colfax yelled things—demonstrated, performed—made excited motions. This morning, he was slow, thoughtful, possibly emotional.
Eugene sat staring at the floor. He couldn't figure out what Colfax planned to do about it. He was calmer in his thoughts than Eugene had ever seen him before—less dramatic. Usually, Colfax yelled things—demonstrated, performed—made excited gestures. This morning, he was slow, thoughtful, possibly emotional.
"In spite of the fact that I like you personally, Witla—and every man owes a little something to friendship—it can't be worked out in business, though—I have been slowly coming to the conclusion that perhaps, after all, you aren't just the ideal man for this place. You're too emotional, I fancy—too erratic. White has been trying to tell me that for a long time, but I wouldn't believe it. I'm not taking his judgment now. I don't know that I would ever have acted on that feeling or idea, if this thing hadn't come up. I don't know that I am going to do so finally, but it strikes me that you are in a very ticklish position—one rather dangerous to this house, and you know [Pg 665] that this house could never brook a scandal. Why the newspapers would never get over it. It would do us infinite harm. I think, viewing it all in all, that you had better take a year off and see if you can't straighten this out quietly. I don't think you had better try to take this girl unless you can get a divorce and marry her, and I don't think you had better try to get a divorce unless you can do it quietly. I mean so far as your position here is concerned only. Apart from that, you can do what you please. But remember! a scandal would affect your usefulness here. If things can be patched up, well and good. If not, well then they can't. If this thing gets talked about much, you know that there will be no hope of your coming back here. I don't suppose you would be willing to give her up?"
"Even though I personally like you, Witla—and everyone owes something to friendship—it just doesn’t fit in with business. I've been gradually realizing that maybe you’re not the right person for this role after all. You seem too emotional and erratic. White has been trying to tell me this for a long time, but I didn’t want to believe it. I’m not taking his judgment seriously at the moment. Honestly, I probably would have ignored that feeling if this situation hadn’t arisen. I’m not sure I will act on it in the end, but it seems like you’re in a tricky position—one that could be quite dangerous for this company, and you know this company cannot tolerate a scandal. The newspapers would never forgive it. It would cause us a lot of damage. All things considered, I think it’s best for you to take a year off and see if you can resolve this quietly. I don’t think you should pursue this girl unless you can get a divorce and marry her, and I don’t think you should seek a divorce unless you can keep it discreet. I mean in terms of your position here. Aside from that, you can do what you want. But remember! A scandal would affect your effectiveness here. If things can be resolved, that’s great. If not, then they can’t. If this gets talked about too much, you know there will be no chance of you coming back here. I doubt you’d be willing to let her go?"
"No," said Eugene.
"No," Eugene said.
"I thought as much. I know just how you take a thing of this kind. It hits your type hard. Can you get a divorce from Mrs. Witla?"
"I figured that. I know exactly how you handle something like this. It really affects your kind. Can you get a divorce from Mrs. Witla?"
"I'm not so sure," said Eugene. "I haven't any suitable grounds. We simply don't agree, that's all—my life has been a hollow shell."
"I'm not so sure," Eugene said. "I don’t have any good reasons. We just don’t see eye to eye, that’s all—my life has been empty."
"Well," said Colfax, "it's a bad mix up all around. I know how you feel about the girl. She's very beautiful. She's just the sort to bring about a situation of this kind. I don't want to tell you what to do. You are your own best judge, but if you will take my advice, you won't try to live with her without first marrying her. A man in your position can't afford to do it. You're too much in the public eye. You know you have become fairly conspicuous in New York during the last few years, don't you?"
"Well," Colfax said, "it's a messy situation all around. I get how you feel about the girl. She's really beautiful. She's exactly the kind of person to create a situation like this. I don't want to tell you what to do; you know yourself best. But if you take my advice, you won't try to be with her without marrying her first. A guy in your position can't afford to take that risk. You're already pretty noticeable in New York these past few years, right?"
"Yes," said Eugene. "I thought I had arranged that matter with Mrs. Dale."
"Yeah," said Eugene. "I thought I had sorted that out with Mrs. Dale."
"It appears not. She tells me that you are trying to persuade her daughter to live with you; that you have no means of obtaining a divorce within a reasonable time; that your wife is in a—pardon me, and that you insist on associating with her daughter, meanwhile, which isn't possible, according to her. I'm inclined to think she's right. It's hard, but it can't be helped. She says that you say that if you are not allowed to do that, you will take her and live with her."
"It doesn’t seem so. She tells me that you’re trying to convince her daughter to move in with you; that you don't have a way to get a divorce anytime soon; that your wife is in a—sorry, and that you keep insisting on having a relationship with her daughter, which isn’t acceptable to her. I’m starting to think she has a point. It’s tough, but there’s nothing we can do about it. She says you claim that if you aren’t allowed to do that, you’ll take her and live with her."
He paused again. "Will you?"
He paused again. "Will you?"
"Yes," said Eugene.
"Yeah," said Eugene.
Colfax twisted slowly in his chair and looked out of the window. What a man! What a curious thing love was! [Pg 666] "When is it," he asked finally, "that you think you might do this?"
Colfax turned slowly in his chair and looked out the window. What a guy! Love really is a strange thing! [Pg 666] "When do you think you might do this?" he finally asked.
"Oh, I don't know. I'm all tangled up now. I'll have to think."
"Oh, I don't know. I'm completely confused right now. I need to think."
Colfax meditated.
Colfax meditated.
"It's a peculiar business. Few people would understand this as well as I do. Few people would understand you, Witla, as I do. You haven't calculated right, old man, and you'll have to pay the price. We all do. I can't let you stay here. I wish I could, but I can't. You'll have to take a year off and think this thing out. If nothing happens—if no scandal arises—well, I won't say what I'll do. I might make a berth for you here somewhere—not exactly in the same position, perhaps, but somewhere. I'll have to think about that. Meanwhile"—he stopped and thought again.
"It's a strange situation. Few people would get this as well as I do. Few people would understand you, Witla, like I do. You haven't figured things out properly, old man, and you'll have to face the consequences. We all do. I can't let you stay here. I wish I could, but I can't. You'll need to take a year off and figure this out. If nothing happens—if no scandal comes up—well, I won't say what I'll do. I might create a position for you here somewhere—not exactly the same role, maybe, but somewhere. I'll have to think about that. In the meantime"—he paused and thought again.
Eugene was seeing clearly how it was with him. All this talk about coming back meant nothing. The thing that was apparent in Colfax's mind was that he would have to go, and the reason that he would have to go was not Mrs. Dale or Suzanne, or the moral issue involved, but the fact that he had lost Colfax's confidence in him. Somehow, through White, through Mrs. Dale, through his own actions day in and day out, Colfax had come to the conclusion that he was erratic, uncertain, and, for that reason, nothing else, he was being dispensed with now. It was Suzanne—it was fate, his own unfortunate temperament. He brooded pathetically, and then he said: "When do you want this to happen?"
Eugene realized exactly what was going on with him. All this talk about coming back didn’t mean anything. What was clear in Colfax's mind was that he had to leave, and the reason he had to go wasn’t Mrs. Dale or Suzanne, or any moral dilemma, but that he had lost Colfax's trust in him. Somehow, through White, through Mrs. Dale, and through his own daily behavior, Colfax had concluded that he was unpredictable, uncertain, and, for that reason alone, he was being let go now. It was Suzanne—it was fate, his own unfortunate temperament. He sulked sadly, then asked, "When do you want this to happen?"
"Oh, any time, the quicker, the better, if a public scandal is to grow out of it. If you want you can take your time, three weeks, a month, six weeks. You had better make it a matter of health and resign for your own good.—I mean the looks of the thing. That won't make any difference in my subsequent conclusions. This place is arranged so well now, that it can run nicely for a year without much trouble. We might fix this up again—it depends——"
"Oh, anytime is fine, the sooner the better, if a public scandal is going to come from it. If you want, you can take your time—three weeks, a month, six weeks. You should probably make it about your health and step down for your own sake. I mean the appearance of it all. That won’t change my final thoughts. This place is set up so well now that it can run smoothly for a year without much hassle. We could sort this out again—it depends——"
Eugene wished he had not added the last hypocritical phrase.
Eugene wished he hadn't added that last insincere comment.
He shook hands and went to the door and Eugene strolled to the window. Here was all the solid foundation knocked from under him at one fell stroke, as if by a cannon. He had lost this truly magnificent position, $25,000 a year. Where would he get another like it? Who else—what other company could pay any such salary? How could he maintain the Riverside Drive apartment now, unless he married Suzanne? How could he have his automobile—his valet? Colfax said nothing about [Pg 667] continuing his income—why should he? He really owed him nothing. He had been exceedingly well paid—better paid than he would have been anywhere else.
He shook hands, headed to the door, and Eugene walked over to the window. In an instant, everything solid underneath him was gone, as if hit by a cannon. He had lost this truly amazing job, which paid $25,000 a year. Where would he find another one like it? What other company could pay such a salary? How could he keep the Riverside Drive apartment now, unless he married Suzanne? How could he afford his car and his valet? Colfax didn’t mention anything about keeping his income—why would he? He really didn’t owe him anything. He had been paid extremely well—better than he would have been anywhere else.
He regretted his fanciful dreams about Blue Sea—his silly enthusiasm in tying up all his money in that. Would Mrs. Dale go to Winfield? Would her talk do him any real harm there? Winfield had always been a good friend to him, had manifested a high regard. This charge, this talk of abduction. What a pity it all was. It might change Winfield's attitude, and still why should it? He had women; no wife, however. He hadn't, as Colfax said, planned this thing quite right. That was plain now. His shimmering world of dreams was beginning to fade like an evening sky. It might be that he had been chasing a will-o'-the-wisp, after all. Could this really be possible? Could it be?
He regretted his fanciful dreams about Blue Sea—his silly enthusiasm for putting all his money into that. Would Mrs. Dale go to Winfield? Would her talk really harm him there? Winfield had always been a good friend to him and had shown him a lot of respect. This accusation, this talk of abduction. What a shame it all was. It might change Winfield's attitude, but why should it? He had women; no wife, though. He hadn't, as Colfax said, planned this out very well. That was clear now. His sparkling world of dreams was starting to fade like an evening sky. Maybe he had been chasing something unattainable all along. Could that really be possible? Could it?
CHAPTER XXII
One would have thought that this terrific blow would have given Eugene pause in a way, and it did. It frightened him. Mrs. Dale had gone to Colfax in order to persuade him to use his influence to make Eugene behave himself, and, having done so much, she was actually prepared to go further. She was considering some scheme whereby she could blacken Eugene, have his true character become known without in any way involving Suzanne. Having been relentlessly pursued and harried by Eugene, she was now as relentless in her own attitude. She wanted him to let go now, entirely, if she could, not to see Suzanne any more and she went, first to Winfield, and then back to Lenox with the hope of preventing any further communication, or at least action on Suzanne's part, or Eugene's possible presence there.
One would have thought that this huge blow would have made Eugene hesitate in some way, and it did. It scared him. Mrs. Dale had gone to Colfax to convince him to use his influence to make Eugene act right, and after doing that much, she was actually ready to take it a step further. She was thinking of a plan to tarnish Eugene's reputation, to expose his true character without involving Suzanne at all. After being relentlessly pursued and pressured by Eugene, she was now just as determined in her own approach. She wanted him to completely let go, to stop seeing Suzanne altogether, so she went first to Winfield and then back to Lenox, hoping to prevent any further communication, or at least any actions from Suzanne or Eugene that might lead to his presence there.
In so far as her visit to Winfield was concerned, it did not amount to so much morally or emotionally in that quarter, for Winfield did not feel that he was called upon to act in the matter. He was not Eugene's guardian, nor yet a public censor of morals. He waived the whole question grandly to one side, though in a way he was glad to know of it, for it gave him an advantage over Eugene. He was sorry for him a little—what man would not be? Nevertheless, in his thoughts of reorganizing the Blue Sea Corporation, he did not feel so bad over what might become of Eugene's interests. When the latter approached him, as he did some time afterward, with the idea that he might be able to dispose of his holdings, he saw no way to do it. The company was really not in good shape. More money would have to be put in. All the treasury stock would have to be quickly disposed of, or a reorganization would have to be effected. The best that could be promised under these circumstances was that Eugene's holdings might be exchanged for a fraction of their value in a new issue by a new group of directors. So Eugene saw the end of his dreams in that direction looming up quite clearly.
As far as her visit to Winfield went, it didn’t carry much weight morally or emotionally for him, since Winfield didn’t feel he had to get involved. He wasn’t Eugene's guardian, nor was he a moral watchdog. He dismissed the whole issue casually, even though he was somewhat glad to know about it, as it gave him an edge over Eugene. He felt a bit sorry for him—what guy wouldn’t? Still, when he thought about reorganizing the Blue Sea Corporation, he wasn’t too worried about what would happen to Eugene’s interests. Later, when Eugene approached him with the idea of selling his shares, Winfield saw no way to make that happen. The company was really struggling. More money would need to be invested. All the treasury stock had to be sold off quickly, or a reorganization would need to be done. The best he could offer was that Eugene’s shares might be converted into a small fraction of their worth in a new issue from a new board of directors. So, Eugene clearly saw the end of his dreams in that regard coming into view.
When he saw what Mrs. Dale had done, he saw also that it was necessary to communicate the situation clearly to Suzanne. The whole thing pulled him up short, and he began to wonder what was to become of him. With his twenty-five thousand a year in salary cut off, his prospect of an independent fortune in [Pg 669] Blue Sea annihilated, the old life closed to him for want of cash, for who can go about in society without money? he saw that he was in danger of complete social and commercial extinction. If by any chance a discussion of the moral relation between him and Suzanne arose, his unconscionable attitude toward Angela, if White heard of it for instance, what would become of him? The latter would spread the fact far and wide. It would be the talk of the town, in the publishing world at least. It would close every publishing house in the city to him. He did not believe Colfax would talk. He fancied that Mrs. Dale had not, after all, spoken to Winfield, but if she had, how much further would it go? Would White hear of it through Colfax? Would he keep it a secret if he knew? Never! The folly of what he had been doing began to dawn upon him dimly. What was it that he had been doing? He felt like a man who had been cast into a deep sleep by a powerful opiate and was now slowly waking to a dim wondering sense of where he was. He was in New York. He had no position. He had little ready money—perhaps five or six thousand all told. He had the love of Suzanne, but her mother was still fighting him, and he had Angela on his hands, undivorced. How was he to arrange things now? How could he think of going back to her? Never!
When he saw what Mrs. Dale had done, he realized he needed to clearly communicate the situation to Suzanne. Everything hit him hard, and he started to question what was going to happen to him. With his $25,000 a year salary gone, his hopes for an independent fortune in [Pg 669] Blue Sea shattered, and his old life out of reach because he lacked money—who can socialize without cash?—he realized he was at risk of complete social and financial oblivion. If a conversation about the moral implications between him and Suzanne ever came up, his unacceptable behavior towards Angela, especially if White found out, what would happen to him? White would spread the word everywhere. It would become the talk of the town, at least in the publishing industry. No publishing house in the city would want to work with him. He didn't think Colfax would spill anything. He imagined Mrs. Dale hadn’t actually talked to Winfield, but if she had, how much further would it spread? Would White hear about it through Colfax? Would he keep it to himself if he did? Absolutely not! The foolishness of what he’d been doing slowly began to sink in. What exactly had he been doing? He felt like someone who had been plunged into a deep sleep by a strong sedative and was now gradually waking up with a vague sense of where he was. He was in New York. He had no standing. He had very little cash on hand—maybe five or six thousand total. He had Suzanne's love, but her mother was still against him, and he had Angela to deal with, still married to her. How was he supposed to sort this out now? How could he even think about going back to her? No way!
He sat down and composed the following letter to Suzanne, which he thought would make clear to her just how things stood and give her an opportunity to retract if she wished, for he thought he owed that much to her now:
He sat down and wrote the following letter to Suzanne, which he hoped would clarify the situation for her and give her a chance to reconsider if she wanted to, because he believed he owed her that much now:
"Flower Face:
I had a talk with Mr. Colfax this morning and what I feared might
happen has happened. Your mother, instead of going to Boston as you
thought, came to New York and saw him and, I fancy, my friend
Winfield, too. She cannot do me any harm in that direction, for my
relationship with that company does not depend on a salary, or a
fixed income of any kind, but she has done me infinite harm here.
Frankly, I have lost my position. I do not believe that would have
come about except for other pressure with which she had nothing to
do, but her charges and complaints, coming on top of opposition here
on the part of someone else, has done what she couldn't have done
alone. Flower Face, do you know what that means? I told you once
that I had tied up all my spare cash in Blue Sea, which I hoped would
come to so much. It may, but the cutting off my salary here means
great changes for me there, unless I can make some other business
engagement immediately. I shall probably have to give up my apartment
in Riverside Drive and my automobile, and in other ways trim
my sails to meet the bad weather. It means that if you come to me,
we should have to live on what I can earn as an artist unless I
should decide and be able to find something else. When I came to
[Pg 670]
Canada for you, I had some such idea in mind, but since this thing
has actually happened, you may think differently. If nothing happens
to my Blue Sea investment, there may be an independent fortune some
day in that. I can't tell, but that is a long way off, and meanwhile,
there is only this, and I don't know what else your mother may do to
my reputation. She appears to be in a very savage frame of mind.
You heard what she said at While-a-Way. She has evidently gone back
on that completely.
"Flower Face, I lay this all before you so that you may see how
things are. If you come to me it may be in the face of a faded
reputation. You must realize that there is a great difference between
Eugene Witla, Managing Publisher of the United Magazines Corporation,
and Eugene Witla, Artist. I have been very reckless and defiant
in my love for you. Because you are so lovely—the most perfect thing
that I have ever known, I have laid all on the altar of my affection.
I would do it again, gladly—a thousand times. Before you came, my
life was a gloomy thing. I thought I was living, but I knew in my
heart that it was all a dusty shell—a lie. Then you came, and oh,
how I have lived! The nights, the days of beautiful fancy. Shall
I ever forget White Wood, or Blue Sea, or Briarcliff, or that wonderful
first day at South Beach? Little girl, our ways have been the ways
of perfectness and peace. This has been an intensely desperate thing
to do, but for my sake, I am not sorry. I have been dreaming a wonderfully
sweet and perfect dream. It may be when you know all and
see how things stand, and stop and think, as I now ask you to do,
you may be sorry and want to change your mind. Don't hesitate to do
so if you feel that way. You know I told you to think calmly long
ago before you told your mother. This is a bold, original thing we have
been planning. It is not to be expected that the world would see it as
we have. It is quite to be expected that trouble would follow in the
wake of it, but it seemed possible to me, and still seems so. If you
want to come to me, say so. If you want me to come to you, speak
the word. We will go to England or Italy, and I will try my hand
at painting again. I can do that I am sure. Or, we can stay here,
and I can see if some engagement cannot be had.
"You want to remember, though, that your mother may not have finished
fighting. She may go to much greater lengths than she has gone.
You thought you might control her, but it seems not. I thought we had
won in Canada, but it appears not. If she attempts to restrain you
from using your share of your father's estate, she may be able to cause
you trouble there. If she attempts to incarcerate you, she might be
successful. I wish I could talk to you. Can't I see you at Lenox?
Are you coming home next week? We ought to think and plan and
act now if at all. Don't let any consideration for me stand in your
way, though, if you are doubtful. Remember that conditions are different
now. Your whole future hangs on your decision. I should
have talked this way long ago, perhaps, but I did not think your
mother could do what she has succeeded in doing. I did not think
my financial standing would play any part in it.
"Flower Face, this is the day of real trial for me. I am unhappy,
but only at the possible prospect of losing you. Nothing of all these
other things really matters. With you, everything would be perfect,
whatever my condition might be. Without you, it will be as dark as
night. The decision is in your hands and you must act. Whatever
you decide, that I will do. Don't, as I say, let consideration for me
[Pg 671]
stand in the way. You are young. You have a social career before
you. After all, I am twice your age. I talk thus sanely because if
you come to me now, I want you to understand clearly how you
come.
"Oh, I wonder sometimes if you really understand. I wonder if I
have been dreaming a dream. You are so beautiful. You have been
such an inspiration to me. Has this been a lure—a will-o'-the wisp?
I wonder. I wonder. And yet I love you, love you, love you. A
thousand kisses, Divine Fire, and I wait for your word.
"Flower Face:
I spoke with Mr. Colfax this morning, and my fears have come true. Your mother, instead of heading to Boston like you thought, came to New York to see him and, I suspect, my friend Winfield too. She can’t harm my situation with that company, since my connection doesn't rely on a salary or any fixed income, but she has caused me immense trouble here. Honestly, I’ve lost my job. I doubt this would’ve happened if not for other pressures unrelated to her, but her accusations and complaints, piled on top of someone else's opposition, have created a situation she couldn’t have caused alone. Flower Face, do you understand what this means? I once told you that I had invested all my spare cash in Blue Sea, which I hoped would turn out well. It might, but losing my salary here will result in significant changes for me, unless I can secure another job quickly. I’ll probably have to give up my apartment on Riverside Drive and my car, and find other ways to cut back to cope with the tough times. It means that if you come to me, we’ll have to live on what I can make as an artist unless I manage to find something else. When I came to [Pg 670] Canada for you, I had some ideas in mind, but now that this has actually happened, you might think differently. If my Blue Sea investment doesn’t go south, there could be an independent fortune in it someday. I can’t say for sure, but that’s far off, and for now, I don’t know what else your mother might do to damage my reputation. She seems to be in a very aggressive mood. You heard what she said at While-a-Way. She has clearly changed her stance completely.
"Flower Face, I’m sharing all of this so you can understand how things stand. If you come to me, it may be with a diminished reputation. You need to realize that there’s a big difference between Eugene Witla, Managing Publisher of the United Magazines Corporation, and Eugene Witla, Artist. I have been very reckless and defiant in my love for you. Because you are so beautiful—the most perfect person I’ve ever known—I have sacrificed everything for my love. I would do it again without hesitation—a thousand times. Before you came into my life, I was miserable. I thought I was living, but deep down, I knew it was all a hollow facade—a lie. Then you arrived, and my life became vibrant! The nights, the days filled with beautiful thoughts. How could I ever forget White Wood, or Blue Sea, or Briarcliff, or that amazing first day at South Beach? Little girl, our journey has been one of perfection and tranquility. This has been a seriously bold move, and yet for my sake, I have no regrets. I’ve been dreaming a wonderfully sweet and perfect dream. When you learn everything and see how things are, if you pause and reflect, as I’m asking you to do now, you might regret it and want to change your mind. Don’t hesitate to do so if you feel that way. Remember, I told you to think calmly a while back before you spoke to your mother. This has been a brave, unconventional plan. It’s not very realistic to expect the world to see it the way we do. It’s completely understandable that some trouble would follow it, but it seemed feasible to me, and I still believe it does. If you want to come to me, just say it. If you want me to come to you, say the word. We can head to England or Italy, and I’ll try painting again. I’m sure I can do that. Or we can stay here and see if I can land some job.
"However, keep in mind that your mother may not be done fighting. She might go to much greater lengths than before. You thought you could manage her, but it seems not. I thought we had succeeded in Canada, but apparently not. If she tries to prevent you from accessing your share of your father’s estate, she could create trouble for you there. If she tries to confine you, she could possibly succeed. I wish I could talk to you. Can’t I see you in Lenox? Are you coming home next week? We should plan and act now, if at all. Don’t let any concern for me hold you back if you’re unsure. Remember, things are different now. Your whole future depends on your decision. I should have discussed this with you sooner, but I didn’t believe your mother could accomplish what she has managed to do. I didn’t think my financial situation would play a role in this.
"Flower Face, today is a real trial for me. I’m unhappy, but only at the thought of possibly losing you. None of these other issues really matter. With you, everything would be wonderful, regardless of my circumstances. Without you, it will feel as dark as night. The decision is yours, and you must act. Whatever you decide, I will follow. Don’t, as I said, let concerns about me get in your way. You’re young. You have a bright future ahead. After all, I’m twice your age. I’m speaking so calmly because if you come to me now, I want you to truly understand what that means.
"Oh, I sometimes wonder if you really get it. I wonder if I’ve just been dreaming. You are so beautiful. You’ve inspired me in ways I can’t describe. Has this been a temptation—a fleeting idea? I wonder. I wonder. And yet I love you, love you, love you. A thousand kisses, Divine Fire, and I await your response."
"Eugene."
"Eugene."
Suzanne read this letter at Lenox, and for the first time in her life she began to think and ponder seriously. What had she been doing? What was Eugene doing? This dénouement frightened her. Her mother was more purposeful than she imagined. To think of her going to Colfax—of her lying and turning so in her moods. She had not thought this possible of her mother. Had not thought it possible that Eugene could lose his position. He had always seemed so powerful to her; so much a law unto himself. Once when they were out in an automobile together, he had asked her why she loved him, and she said, "because you are a genius and can do anything you please."
Suzanne read this letter in Lenox, and for the first time in her life, she started to think and reflect deeply. What had she been doing? What was Eugene up to? This ending scared her. Her mother was more determined than she had realized. To think about her going to Colfax—about her mood swings and inconsistencies. She hadn’t thought her mother was capable of that. She hadn’t considered that Eugene could lose his job. He always seemed so powerful to her, so much in control of his own fate. Once, when they were driving together, he asked her why she loved him, and she replied, "because you are a genius and can do anything you want."
"Oh, no," he answered, "nothing like that. I can't really do very much of anything. You just have an exaggerated notion of me."
"Oh, no," he replied, "it's nothing like that. I can't really do much of anything. You just have an overly inflated idea of me."
"Oh, no, I haven't," she replied. "You can paint, and you can write"—she was judging by some of the booklets about Blue Sea and verses about herself and clippings of articles done in his old Chicago newspaper days, which he showed her once in a scrapbook in his apartment—"and you can run that office, and you were an advertising manager and an art director."
"Oh, no, I haven't," she said. "You can paint, and you can write"—she was thinking of some of the booklets about Blue Sea and poems about herself, along with clippings from articles he wrote back in his old Chicago newspaper days, which he once showed her in a scrapbook at his apartment—"and you can manage that office, and you were an advertising manager and an art director."
She lifted up her face and looked into his eyes admiringly.
She lifted her face and looked into his eyes with admiration.
"My, what a list of accomplishments!" he replied. "Well whom the gods would destroy they first make mad." He kissed her.
"My, what a list of accomplishments!" he said. "Well, those whom the gods want to ruin, they first drive to madness." He kissed her.
"And you love so beautifully," she added by way of climax.
"And you love so beautifully," she added to emphasize her point.
Since then, she had thought of this often, but now, somehow, it received a severe setback. He was not quite so powerful. He could not prevent her mother from doing this, and could she really conquer her mother? Whatever Suzanne might think of her deceit, she was moving Heaven and earth to prevent this. Was she wholly wrong? After that climacteric night at St. Jacques, when somehow the expected did not happen, Suzanne had been thinking. Did she really want to leave home, and go with Eugene? Did she want to fight her mother in regard to her estate? She might have to do that. Her original [Pg 672] idea had been that she and Eugene would meet in some lovely studio, and that she would keep her own home, and he would have his. It was something very different, this talk of poverty, and not having an automobile, and being far away from home. Still she loved him. Maybe she could force her mother to terms yet.
Since then, she had thought about this often, but now, somehow, it faced a major setback. He wasn't as powerful as she had believed. He couldn't stop her mother from doing this, and could she really defeat her mother? No matter what Suzanne thought about her own lies, she was doing everything possible to prevent this. Was she completely wrong? After that pivotal night at St. Jacques, when somehow, the expected outcome didn’t happen, Suzanne had been reflecting. Did she really want to leave home and be with Eugene? Did she want to battle her mother over her estate? She might have to do that. Originally, she had envisioned that she and Eugene would meet in some beautiful studio, and that she would keep her own place while he kept his. This talk of poverty, not having a car, and being far away from home felt very different. Yet she still loved him. Maybe she could still force her mother to come to an agreement.
There were more struggles in the two or three succeeding days, in which the guardian of the estate—Mr. Herbert Pitcairn, of the Marquardt Trust Company, and, once more, Dr. Woolley, were called in to argue with her. Suzanne, unable to make up her mind, listened to her mother's insidious plea, that if she would wait a year, and then say she really wanted him, she could have him; listened to Mr. Pitcairn tell her mother that he believed any court would on application adjudge her incompetent and tie up her estate; heard Dr. Woolley say in her presence to her mother that he did not deem a commission in lunacy advisable, but if her mother insisted, no doubt a judge would adjudge her insane, if no more than to prevent this unhallowed consummation. Suzanne became frightened. Her iron nerve, after Eugene's letter, was weakening. She was terribly incensed against her mother, but she began now for the first time to think what her friends would think. Supposing her mother did lock her up. Where would they think she was? All these days and weeks of strain, which had worn her mother threadbare had told something on her own strength, or rather nerve. It was too intense, and she began to wonder whether they had not better do as Eugene suggested, and wait a little while. He had agreed up at St. Jacques to wait, if she were willing. Only the provision was that they were to see each other. Now her mother had changed front again, pleading danger, undue influence, that she ought to have at least a year of her old kind of life undisturbed to see whether she really cared.
There were more struggles in the next couple of days, involving the estate's guardian—Mr. Herbert Pitcairn from the Marquardt Trust Company—and Dr. Woolley, who were called in to discuss things with her. Suzanne, unable to make a decision, listened to her mother's sly suggestion that if she waited a year and then claimed she really wanted him, she could have him. She heard Mr. Pitcairn tell her mother that he believed any court would declare her incompetent and freeze her estate. She also heard Dr. Woolley tell her mother, in her presence, that he didn't think a sanity hearing was necessary, but if her mother insisted, a judge might declare her insane, just to stop this unholy union from happening. Suzanne felt scared. After reading Eugene's letter, her usually strong resolve was starting to fade. She was furious with her mother, but for the first time, she began to think about what her friends would say. What if her mother locked her away? Where would her friends think she was? All the stress her mother had gone through had taken a toll on Suzanne's strength, or rather her nerve. It felt too intense, and she started to wonder if they should do what Eugene suggested and wait a bit. He had agreed at St. Jacques to wait if she was on board. The only condition was that they had to see each other. Now her mother had switched tactics again, arguing about danger and undue influence, claiming she needed at least a year of her old life, untouched, to figure out if she really cared.
"How can you tell?" she insisted to Suzanne, in spite of the girl's desire not to talk. "You have been swept into this, and you haven't given yourself time to think. A year won't hurt. What harm will it do you or him?"
"How can you tell?" she pressed Suzanne, despite the girl's wish to stay quiet. "You've been caught up in this, and you haven't taken a moment to reflect. A year won't hurt. What damage will it cause you or him?"
"But, mama," asked Suzanne over and over at different times, and in different places, "why did you go and tell Mr. Colfax? What a mean, cruel thing that was to do!"
"But, Mom," Suzanne asked repeatedly at different times and in various places, "why did you go and tell Mr. Colfax? That was such a mean, cruel thing to do!"
"Because I think he needs something like that to make him pause and think. He isn't going to starve. He is a man of talent. He needs something like that to bring him to his senses. Mr. Colfax hasn't discharged him. He told me he wouldn't. He [Pg 673] said he would make him take a year off and think about it, and that's just what he has done. It won't hurt him. I don't care if it does. Look at the way he has made me suffer."
"Because I think he needs something like that to make him stop and reflect. He isn’t going to starve. He is a talented person. He needs something to help him come to his senses. Mr. Colfax hasn’t fired him. He told me he wouldn’t. He said he would make him take a year off to think about it, and that’s exactly what he has done. It won’t harm him. I don’t care if it does. Just look at how much he has made me suffer."
She felt exceedingly bitter toward Eugene, and was rejoicing that at last she was beginning to have her innings.
She felt really bitter toward Eugene and was happy that she was finally starting to get her chance.
"Mama," said Suzanne, "I am never going to forgive you for this. You are acting horribly—I will wait, but it will come to the same thing in the end. I am going to have him."
"Mama," said Suzanne, "I am never going to forgive you for this. You are acting terribly—I will wait, but it will end the same way. I am going to have him."
"I don't care what you do after a year," said Mrs. Dale cheerfully and subtly. "If you will just wait that long and give yourself time to think and still want to marry him, you can do so. He can probably get a divorce in that time, anyhow." She did not mean what she was saying, but any argument was good for the situation, if it delayed matters.
"I don't care what you do after a year," Mrs. Dale said cheerfully and subtly. "If you can just wait that long and give yourself some time to think and still want to marry him, you can go ahead. He'll probably be able to get a divorce by then, anyway." She didn't really mean what she was saying, but any excuse was good for the moment if it could delay things.
"But I don't know that I want to marry him," insisted Suzanne, doggedly, harking back to her original idea. "That isn't my theory of it."
"But I don't know if I want to marry him," Suzanne insisted, stubbornly sticking to her original thought. "That's not how I see it."
"Oh, well," replied Mrs. Dale complaisantly, "you will know better what to think of that after a year. I don't want to coerce you, but I'm not going to have our home and happiness broken up in this way without turning a hand, and without your stopping to think about it. You owe it to me—to all these years I have cared for you, to show me some consideration. A year won't hurt you. It won't hurt him. You will find out then whether he really loves you or not. This may just be a passing fancy. He has had other women before you. He may have others after you. He may go back to Mrs. Witla. It doesn't make any difference what he tells you. You ought to test him before you break up his home and mine. If he really loves you, he will agree readily enough. Do this for me, Suzanne, and I will never cross your path any more. If you will wait a year you can do anything you choose. I can only hope you won't go to him without going as his wife, but if you insist, I will hush the matter up as best I can. Write to him and tell him that you have decided that you both ought to wait a year. You don't need to see him any more. It will just stir things all up afresh. If you don't see him, but just write, it will be better for him, too. He won't feel so badly as he will if you see him again and go all over the ground once more."
"Oh, well," Mrs. Dale replied calmly, "you'll have a better idea of what to think after a year. I don’t want to pressure you, but I’m not going to let our home and happiness fall apart like this without doing something about it, and without you taking a moment to think it through. You owe it to me—and to all those years I've cared for you—to show me some respect. A year won’t hurt you. It won’t hurt him either. You’ll find out if he really loves you or not. This could just be a passing phase. He’s been with other women before you. He might have others after you, or even go back to Mrs. Witla. It doesn’t matter what he tells you. You should test him before you break up his home and mine. If he truly loves you, he’ll agree without hesitation. Do this for me, Suzanne, and I won’t interfere with your life anymore. If you wait a year, you can do whatever you want afterward. I can only hope you won’t go to him unless you’re his wife, but if you insist, I’ll do my best to keep it quiet. Write to him and tell him that you've decided you both should wait a year. You don’t need to see him anymore. It will just stir things up again. If you don’t see him and only write, it will be easier for him too. He won’t feel as bad as he would if you see him and go through everything again."
Mrs. Dale was terribly afraid of Eugene's influence, but she could not accomplish this.
Mrs. Dale was really scared of Eugene's influence, but she couldn't make it happen.
"I won't do that," said Suzanne, "I won't do it. I'm going back to New York, that's all there is about it!" Mrs. Dale finally yielded that much. She had to.
"I won't do that," Suzanne said. "I won't do it. I'm going back to New York, that's all there is to it!" Mrs. Dale eventually gave in to that. She had to.
[Pg 674] There was a letter from Suzanne after three days, saying that she couldn't answer his letter in full, but that she was coming back to New York and would see him, and subsequently a meeting between Suzanne and Eugene at Daleview in her mother's presence—Dr. Woolley and Mr. Pitcairn were in another part of the house at the time—in which the proposals were gone over anew.
[Pg 674] Suzanne finally wrote back after three days, stating that she couldn’t fully respond to his letter but that she was returning to New York and would meet him. This led to a meeting between Suzanne and Eugene at Daleview while her mother was present—Dr. Woolley and Mr. Pitcairn were in another part of the house at the time—where they went over the proposals again.
Eugene had motored down after Mrs. Dale's demands had been put before him in the gloomiest and yet more feverish frame of mind in which he had ever been,—gloomy because of heavy forebodings of evil and his own dark financial condition—while inspirited at other moments by thoughts of some splendid, eager revolt on the part of Suzanne, of her rushing to him, defying all, declaring herself violently and convincingly, and so coming off a victor with him. His faith in her love was still so great.
Eugene had driven down after Mrs. Dale's demands were laid out for him in the most anxious and intense state he had ever experienced—feeling gloomy because of his heavy fears of bad news and his own dire financial situation—yet at other times buoyed by thoughts of a bold, passionate rebellion from Suzanne, envisioning her running to him, defying everyone, declaring her feelings fiercely and convincingly, and ultimately winning him over. His belief in her love was still incredibly strong.
The night was one of those cold October ones with a steely sky and a sickle moon, harbinger of frost, newly seen in the west, and pointed stars thickening overhead. As he sat in his car on the Staten Island ferry boat, he could see a long line of southward bound ducks, homing to those reedy marshes which Bryant had in mind when he wrote "To a Waterfowl." They were honking as they went, their faint "quacks" coming back on the thin air and making him feel desperately lonely and bereft. When he reached Daleview, speeding past October trees, and entered the great drawing-room where a fire was blazing and where once in spring he had danced with Suzanne, his heart leaped up, for he was to see her, and the mere sight of her was as a tonic to his fevered body—a cool drink to a thirsting man.
The night was one of those cold October nights with a steely sky and a crescent moon, a sign of frost, just visible in the west, and sharp stars piling up overhead. Sitting in his car on the Staten Island ferry, he could see a long line of ducks heading south, making their way to the marshy areas that Bryant had in mind when he wrote "To a Waterfowl." They were honking as they flew, their faint "quacks" echoing in the chilly air and making him feel incredibly lonely and empty. When he reached Daleview, speeding past October trees, and walked into the grand drawing room where a fire was crackling, reminding him of the spring when he had danced with Suzanne, his heart soared because he was about to see her. Just the sight of her felt like a remedy for his restless spirit—a refreshing drink for a thirsty man.
Mrs. Dale stared at Eugene defiantly when he came, but Suzanne welcomed him to her embrace. "Oh!" she exclaimed, holding him close for a few moments and breathing feverishly. There was complete silence for a time.
Mrs. Dale stared at Eugene defiantly when he arrived, but Suzanne welcomed him into her arms. "Oh!" she exclaimed, holding him close for a few moments and breathing heavily. There was complete silence for a while.
"Mama insists, Eugene," she said after a time, "that we ought to wait a year, and I think since there is such a fuss about it, that perhaps it might be just as well. We may have been just a little hasty, don't you think? I have told mama what I think about her action in going to Mr. Colfax, but she doesn't seem to care. She is threatening now to have me adjudged insane. A year won't make any real difference since I am coming to you, anyhow, will it? But I thought I ought to tell you this in person, to ask you about it"—she paused, looking into his eyes.
"Mama insists, Eugene," she said after a while, "that we should wait a year, and I think since there's so much drama around it, that maybe it would be for the best. We might have been a bit too quick, don't you think? I've told Mama how I feel about her going to Mr. Colfax, but she doesn't seem to care. She's now threatening to have me declared insane. A year won’t really change anything since I'm coming to you anyway, will it? But I thought I should tell you this in person and ask you about it"—she paused, looking into his eyes.
"I thought we settled all this up in St. Jacques?" said Eugene, [Pg 675] turning to Mrs. Dale, but experiencing a sinking sensation of fear.
"I thought we sorted all this out in St. Jacques?" said Eugene, [Pg 675] turning to Mrs. Dale, but feeling a sinking sensation of fear.
"We did, all except the matter of not seeing her. I think it is highly inadvisable that you two should be together. It isn't possible the way things stand. People will talk. Your wife's condition has to be adjusted. You can't be running around with her and a child coming to you. I want Suzanne to go away for a year where she can be calm and think it all out, and I want you to let her. If she still insists that she wants you after that, and will not listen to the logic of the situation in regard to marriage, then I propose to wash my hands of the whole thing. She may have her inheritance. She may have you if she wants you. If you have come to your senses by that time, as I hope you will have, you will get a divorce, or go back to Mrs. Witla, or do whatever you do in a sensible way."
"We did, except for the part about not seeing her. I really think it’s not a good idea for you two to be together. It’s just not possible with everything that's going on. People will gossip. Your wife's situation needs to be sorted out. You can’t be out and about with her while you have a child expecting you. I want Suzanne to go away for a year where she can relax and figure things out, and I want you to support her in that. If she still insists that she wants you after that and won’t consider the reality of the situation regarding marriage, then I’m done with it all. She can keep her inheritance. She can have you if that’s what she wants. If you’ve come to your senses by then, which I hope you will, you can get a divorce, or go back to Mrs. Witla, or handle it in a sensible way."
She did not want to incense Eugene here, but she was very bitter.
She didn't want to upset Eugene here, but she felt really bitter.
Eugene merely frowned.
Eugene just frowned.
"Is this your decision, Suzanne, too?" he asked wearily.
"Is this your decision too, Suzanne?" he asked, exhausted.
"I think mama is terrible, Eugene," replied Suzanne evasively, or perhaps as a reply to her mother. "You and I have planned our lives, and we will work them out. We have been a little selfish, now that I think of it. I think a year won't do any harm, perhaps, if it will stop all this fussing. I can wait, if you can."
"I think Mom is awful, Eugene," Suzanne said vaguely, maybe as a response to her mother. "You and I have made our plans, and we’ll figure them out. We’ve been a bit selfish, now that I think about it. Maybe taking a year won't hurt, especially if it stops all this drama. I can wait if you can."
An inexpressible sense of despair fell upon Eugene at the sound of this, a sadness so deep that he could scarcely speak. He could not believe that it was really Suzanne who was saying that to him. Willing to wait a year! She who had declared so defiantly that she would not. It would do no harm? To think that life, fate, her mother were triumphing over him in this fashion, after all. What then was the significance of the black-bearded men he had seen so often of late? Why had he been finding horseshoes? Was fate such a liar? Did life in its dark, subtle chambers lay lures and traps for men? His position gone, his Blue Sea venture involved in an indefinite delay out of which might come nothing, Suzanne going for a whole year, perhaps for ever, most likely so, for what could not her mother do with her in a whole year, having her alone? Angela alienated—a child approaching. What a climax!
An overwhelming sense of despair washed over Eugene at the sound of this, a sadness so profound that he could hardly speak. He couldn't believe it was really Suzanne who was saying that to him. Willing to wait a year! She who had boldly claimed she wouldn’t. It wouldn’t hurt? To think that life, fate, and her mother were winning against him like this, after everything. So what was the meaning of the black-bearded men he had seen so often lately? Why had he been finding horseshoes? Was fate really such a liar? Did life, in its dark, subtle ways, set up traps for people? His plans gone, his Blue Sea project delayed indefinitely, possibly leading to nothing, Suzanne leaving for a whole year, maybe forever, most likely so, since what couldn't her mother do with her alone for an entire year? Angela distanced— a child coming. What a climax!
"Is this really your decision, Suzanne?" he asked, sadly, a mist of woe clouding his whole being.
"Is this really your choice, Suzanne?" he asked, sadly, a mist of sorrow overshadowing his entire being.
"I think it ought to be, perhaps, Eugene," she replied, still [Pg 676] evasively. "It's very trying. I will be faithful to you, though. I promise you that I will not change. Don't you think we can wait a year? We can, can't we?"
"I think it should be, maybe, Eugene," she said, still [Pg 676] being vague. "It's really challenging. I will be loyal to you, though. I promise I won't change. Don't you think we can wait a year? We can, can't we?"
"A whole year without seeing you, Suzanne?"
"A whole year without seeing you, Suzanne?"
"Yes, it will pass, Eugene."
"Yes, this will pass, Eugene."
"A whole year?"
"A whole year?"
"Yes, Eugene."
"Yeah, Eugene."
"I have nothing more to say, Mrs. Dale," he said, turning to her mother solemnly, a sombre, gloomy light in his eye, his heart hardening towards Suzanne for the moment. To think she should treat him so—throw him down, as he phrased it. Well, such was life. "You win," he added. "It has been a terrible experience for me. A terrible passion. I love this girl. I love her with my whole heart. Sometimes I have vaguely suspected that she might not know."
"I don’t have anything else to say, Mrs. Dale," he said, turning to her mother seriously, a dark, gloomy look in his eye, his heart hardening toward Suzanne for the moment. How could she treat him this way—just throw him aside, as he put it. Well, that’s life. "You win," he added. "This has been a terrible experience for me. A terrible passion. I love this girl. I love her with all my heart. Sometimes I’ve vaguely thought that she might not even realize it."
He turned to Suzanne, and for the first time he thought that he did not see there that true understanding which he had fancied had been there all the time. Could fate have been lying to him also in this? Was he mistaken in this, and had he been following a phantom lure of beauty? Was Suzanne but another trap to drag him down to his old nothingness? God! The prediction of the Astrologer of a second period of defeat after seven or eight years came back.
He turned to Suzanne, and for the first time, he realized that he no longer sensed the deep understanding he had believed was always there. Could fate have deceived him in this too? Was he wrong, and had he been chasing an illusion of beauty? Was Suzanne just another trap pulling him back into his old emptiness? God! The Astrologer's prediction of a second phase of defeat after seven or eight years resurfaced in his mind.
"Oh, Suzanne!" he said, simply and unconsciously dramatic. "Do you really love me?"
"Oh, Suzanne!" he said, simply and unconsciously dramatic. "Do you really love me?"
"Yes, Eugene," she replied.
"Yeah, Eugene," she replied.
"Really?"
"Seriously?"
"Yes."
Yes.
He held out his arms and she came, but for the life of him he could not dispel this terrible doubt. It took the joy out of his kiss—as if he had been dreaming a dream of something perfect in his arms and had awaked to find it nothing—as if life had sent him a Judas in the shape of a girl to betray him.
He held out his arms and she came, but no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't shake this awful doubt. It ruined the joy of his kiss—as if he had been dreaming of something perfect in his arms and woke up to find it was nothing—like life had sent him a Judas in the form of a girl to betray him.
"Do let us end this, Mr. Witla," said Mrs. Dale coldly, "there is nothing to be gained by delaying. Let us end it for a year, and then talk."
"Let's wrap this up, Mr. Witla," Mrs. Dale said coolly, "there's no benefit in dragging it out. Let's put a pause on it for a year, and then we can discuss it."
"Oh, Suzanne," he continued, as mournful as a passing bell, "come to the door with me."
"Oh, Suzanne," he continued, sounding as sad as a tolling bell, "come to the door with me."
"No, the servants are there," put in Mrs. Dale. "Please make your farewells here."
"No, the staff is here," Mrs. Dale interjected. "Please say your goodbyes here."
"Mama," said Suzanne angrily and defiantly, moved by the pity of it, "I won't have you talk this way. Leave the room, or I shall go to the door with him and further. Leave us, please."
"Mama," Suzanne said angrily and defiantly, feeling pity for the situation, "I won't let you talk like this. Leave the room, or I’ll go to the door with him and beyond. Please, just leave us."
[Pg 677] Mrs. Dale went out.
Mrs. Dale went outside.
"Oh, Flower Face," said Eugene pathetically, "I can't believe it. I can't. I can't! This has been managed wrong. I should have taken you long ago. So it is to end this way. A year, a whole year, and how much longer?"
"Oh, Flower Face," Eugene said sadly, "I can't believe it. I really can't! This was handled all wrong. I should have taken you with me a long time ago. So it's ending like this. A whole year, and how much longer?"
"Only a year," she insisted. "Only a year, believe me, can't you? I won't change, I won't!"
"Just a year," she insisted. "Just a year, trust me, can't you? I won't change, I promise!"
He shook his head, and Suzanne as before took his face in her hands. She kissed his cheeks, his lips, his hair.
He shook his head, and Suzanne, just like before, took his face in her hands. She kissed his cheeks, his lips, and his hair.
"Believe me, Eugene. I seem cold. You don't know what I have gone through. It is nothing but trouble everywhere. Let us wait a year. I promise you I will come to you. I swear. One year. Can't we wait one year?"
"Believe me, Eugene. I might seem distant. You have no idea what I've been through. It's just trouble all around. Let's wait a year. I promise I will come to you. I swear. One year. Can't we wait just one year?"
"A year," he said. "A year. I can't believe it. Where will we all be in a year? Oh, Flower Face, Myrtle Bloom, Divine Fire. I can't stand this. I can't. It's too much. I'm the one who is paying now. Yes, I pay."
"A year," he said. "A year. I can't believe it. Where will we all be in a year? Oh, Flower Face, Myrtle Bloom, Divine Fire. I can't take this. I can't. It's overwhelming. I'm the one who's paying now. Yes, I pay."
He took her face and looked at it, all its soft, enticing features, her eyes, her lips, her cheeks, her hair.
He held her face and examined it, taking in all its soft, attractive features—her eyes, her lips, her cheeks, her hair.
"I thought, I thought," he murmured.
"I kept thinking," he said.
Suzanne only stroked the back of his head with her hands.
Suzanne gently ran her hands over the back of his head.
"Well, if I must, I must," he said.
"Well, if I have to, I have to," he said.
He turned away, turned back to embrace her, turned again and then, without looking back, walked out into the hall. Mrs. Dale was there waiting.
He turned away, turned back to hug her, turned again and then, without looking back, walked out into the hall. Mrs. Dale was there waiting.
"Good night, Mrs. Dale," he said gloomily.
"Good night, Mrs. Dale," he said sadly.
"Good night, Mr. Witla," she replied frigidly, but with a sense of something tragic in her victory at that.
"Good night, Mr. Witla," she said coolly, but with a hint of something tragic in her triumph at that.
He took his hat and walked out.
He grabbed his hat and walked out.
Outside the bright October stars were in evidence by millions. The Bay and Harbor of New York were as wonderfully lit as on that night when Suzanne came to him after the evening at Fort Wadsworth on her own porch. He recalled the spring odours, the wonderful feel of youth and love—the hope that was springing then. Now, it was five or six months later, and all that romance was gone. Suzanne, sweet voice, accomplished shape, light whisper, delicate touch. Gone. All gone—
Outside, the bright October stars shone by the millions. The Bay and Harbor of New York were just as beautifully lit as the night Suzanne came to him after the evening at Fort Wadsworth on her porch. He remembered the spring scents, the amazing feeling of youth and love—the hope that was blossoming then. Now, five or six months later, all that romance was gone. Suzanne, with her sweet voice, elegant figure, soft whispers, and gentle touch. Gone. All gone—
The vision of beauty has faded from my eyes,
The form of beauty has faded from my arms,
"Faded voice, warmth, whiteness, paradise."
Gone were those bright days in which they had ridden together, dined together, walked in sylvan places beside their car. [Pg 678] A little way from here he first played tennis with her. A little way from here he had come so often to meet her clandestinely. Now she was gone—gone.
The bright days when they rode together, dined together, and walked in beautiful wooded areas next to their car were gone. [Pg 678] Not far from here, he first played tennis with her. Not far from here, he had often come to secretly meet her. Now she was gone—gone.
He had come in his car, but he really did not want it. Life was accursed. His own was a failure. To think that all his fine dreams should crumble this way. Shortly he would have no car, no home on Riverside Drive, no position, no anything.
He had arrived in his car, but he really didn’t want it. Life was a mess. His own was a failure. To think all his great dreams would fall apart like this. Soon, he would have no car, no home on Riverside Drive, no job, nothing at all.
"God, I can't stand this!" he exclaimed, and a little later—"By God, I can't! I can't!"
"God, I can't take this anymore!" he shouted, and a little later—"Honestly, I can't! I just can't!"
He dismissed his car at the Battery, telling his chauffeur to take it to the garage, and walking gloomily through all the tall dark streets of lower New York. Here was Broadway where he had often been with Colfax and Winfield. Here was this great world of finance around Wall Street in which he had vaguely hoped to shine. Now these buildings were high and silent—receding from him in a way. Overhead were the clear bright stars, cool and refreshing, but without meaning to him now. How was he to settle it? How adjust it? A year! She would never come back—never! It was all gone. A bright cloud faded. A mirage dissolved into its native nothingness. Position, distinction, love, home—where were they? Yet a little while and all these things would be as though they had never been. Hell! Damn! Curse the brooding fates that could thus plot to destroy him!
He left his car at the Battery, telling his driver to take it to the garage, and walked moodily through the tall, dark streets of lower New York. Here was Broadway, where he had often been with Colfax and Winfield. Here was the huge world of finance around Wall Street, where he had vaguely hoped to make his mark. Now these buildings loomed high and silent—pulling away from him somehow. Above him were the clear, bright stars, cool and refreshing, but they felt meaningless now. How was he supposed to deal with this? How could he adjust? A year! She would never come back—never! It was all gone. A bright cloud had faded. A mirage had vanished into nothing. Status, distinction, love, home—where were they? Before long, all those things would be as if they had never existed. Dammit! Curse the dark fates that could plot to destroy him like this!
Back in her room in Daleview Suzanne had locked herself in. She was not without a growing sense of the tragedy of it. She stared at the floor, recalled his face.
Back in her room in Daleview, Suzanne had locked herself in. She couldn’t shake a growing sense of tragedy. She stared at the floor and remembered his face.
"Oh, oh," she said, and for the first time in her life felt as though she could cry from a great heartache—but she could not.
"Oh, oh," she said, and for the first time in her life felt like she could cry from a deep heartache—but she couldn't.
And in Riverside Drive was another woman brooding, lonely, despondently, desperately, over the nature of the tragedy that was upon her. How were things to be adjusted? How was she to be saved? Oh! oh! her life, her child! If Eugene could be made to understand! If he could only be made to see!
And on Riverside Drive, another woman was lost in thought, feeling lonely, downcast, and desperate about the tragedy that had overtaken her. How was she going to fix things? How could she find a way out? Oh! oh! her life, her child! If only Eugene could understand! If he could just see!
CHAPTER XXIII
During the weeks which followed Colfax's talk with him, and Suzanne's decision, which amounted practically to a dismissal, Eugene tried to wind up his affairs at the United Magazines Corporation, as well as straighten out his relationship with Angela. It was no easy task. Colfax helped him considerably by suggesting that he should say he was going abroad for the company, for the time being, and should make it appear imperative that he go at once. Eugene called in his department heads, and told them what Colfax suggested, but added that his own interests elsewhere, of which they knew, or suspected, were now so involved that he might possibly not return, or only for a little while at best. He put forward an air of great sufficiency and self-satisfaction, considering the difficulties he was encountering, and the thing passed off as a great wonder, but with no suspicion of any immediate misfortune attaching to him. As a matter of fact, it was assumed that he was destined to a much higher estate—the control of his private interests.
During the weeks that followed Colfax's conversation with him and Suzanne's decision, which basically amounted to a dismissal, Eugene tried to wrap up his affairs at the United Magazines Corporation and settle his relationship with Angela. It wasn't an easy task. Colfax helped him a lot by suggesting he claim he was going abroad for the company, making it seem urgent that he leave immediately. Eugene called in his department heads, told them what Colfax suggested, and added that his personal interests elsewhere, of which they were aware or suspected, were now so tangled that he might not return at all or only for a short time. He presented himself with a sense of confidence and satisfaction, despite the challenges he was facing, and it all went over as a big surprise, without any hint of immediate trouble on his part. In fact, it was assumed that he was on the path to a much higher position—the management of his own interests.
In his talk with Angela he made it perfectly plain that he was going to leave her. He would not make any pretence about this. She ought to know. He had lost his position; he was not going to Suzanne soon; he wanted her to leave him, or he would leave her. She should go to Wisconsin or Europe or anywhere, for the time being, and leave him to fight this thing out alone. He was not indispensable to her in her condition. There were nurses she could hire—maternity hospitals where she could stay. He would be willing to pay for that. He would never live with her any more, if he could help it—he did not want to. The sight of her in the face of his longing for Suzanne would be a wretched commentary—a reproach and a sore shame. No, he would leave her and perhaps, possibly, sometime when she obtained more real fighting courage, Suzanne might come to him. She ought to. Angela might die. Yes, brutal as it may seem, he thought this. She might die, and then—and then—— No thought of the child that might possibly live, even if she died, held him. He could not understand that, could not grasp it as yet. It was a mere abstraction.
In his conversation with Angela, he made it clear that he was going to leave her. He didn’t want to pretend otherwise. She deserved to know. He had lost his job; he wasn’t going to Suzanne anytime soon; he wanted her to leave him, or he would leave her. She should go to Wisconsin or Europe or anywhere for a while, and let him deal with this on his own. He was not necessary for her in her situation. There were nurses she could hire—maternity hospitals where she could stay. He would be willing to pay for that. He would never live with her again, if he could help it—he didn’t want to. Seeing her while he longed for Suzanne would be a painful reminder—a shame and a blame. No, he would leave her, and maybe, at some point when she found some real strength, Suzanne might come to him. She should. Angela might die. Yes, as harsh as it sounds, he thought this. She could die, and then—and then—— He didn’t consider the child that might survive, even if she didn’t. He couldn’t understand that yet; it felt like a distant idea.
Eugene took a room in an apartment house in Kingsbridge, [Pg 680] where he was not known for the time being, and where he was not likely to be seen. Then there was witnessed that dreary spectacle of a man whose life has apparently come down in a heap, whose notions, emotions, tendencies and feelings are confused and disappointed by some untoward result. If Eugene had been ten or fifteen years older, the result might have been suicide. A shade of difference in temperament might have resulted in death, murder, anything. As it was, he sat blankly at times among the ruins of his dreams speculating on what Suzanne was doing, on what Angela was doing, on what people were saying and thinking, on how he could gather up the broken pieces of his life and make anything out of them at all.
Eugene rented a room in an apartment building in Kingsbridge, [Pg 680] where he was unknown for the time being, and where he was unlikely to be seen. Then there was the sad sight of a man whose life seemed to have fallen apart, whose thoughts, emotions, inclinations, and feelings were jumbled and disappointed by an unfortunate outcome. If Eugene had been ten or fifteen years older, the result might have been suicide. A slight difference in temperament could have led to death, murder, anything. As it was, he sat blankly at times among the ruins of his dreams, wondering what Suzanne was doing, what Angela was doing, what people were saying and thinking, and how he could piece together the shattered fragments of his life and make something out of them at all.
The one saving element in it all was his natural desire to work, which, although it did not manifest itself at first, by degrees later on began to come back. He must do something, if it was not anything more than to try to paint again. He could not be running around looking for a position. There was nothing for him in connection with Blue Sea. He had to work to support Angela, of whom he was now free, if he did not want to be mean; and as he viewed it all in the light of what had happened, he realized that he had been bad enough. She had not been temperamentally suited to him, but she had tried to be. Fundamentally it was not her fault. How was he to work and live and be anything at all from now on?
The one thing that kept him going was his natural urge to work, which, although it didn’t show up at first, started to come back gradually. He needed to do something, even if it was just to try painting again. He couldn’t be out searching for a job. There was nothing for him with Blue Sea. He had to work to support Angela, who he was now free from, if he didn't want to be selfish; and considering everything that had happened, he recognized that he had already been pretty unfair. She wasn’t really suited for him, but she had tried her best. It wasn’t really her fault. How was he supposed to work, live, and be anything at all from now on?
There were long arguments over this situation between him and Angela—pleas, tears, a crashing downward of everything which was worth while in life to Angela, and then, in spite of her pathetic situation, separation. Because it was November and the landlord had heard of Eugene's financial straits, or rather reverse of fortune, it was possible to relinquish the lease, which had several years to run, and the apartment was given up. Angela, distraught, scarcely knew which way to turn. It was one of those pitiless, scandalous situations in life which sicken us of humanity. She ran helplessly to Eugene's sister, Myrtle, who first tried to conceal the scandal and tragedy from her husband, but afterward confessed and deliberated as to what should be done. Frank Bangs, who was a practical man, as well as firm believer in Christian Science because of his wife's to him miraculous healing from a tumor several years before, endeavored to apply his understanding of the divine science—the omnipresence of good to this situation.
There were lengthy arguments about this situation between him and Angela—pleas, tears, a total collapse of everything that meant something to Angela, and then, despite her heartbreaking situation, separation. Since it was November and the landlord knew about Eugene's financial troubles, or rather his misfortune, it was possible to cancel the lease, which had several years remaining, and the apartment was given up. Angela, overwhelmed, hardly knew what to do. It was one of those cruel, shocking situations in life that disgust us with humanity. She ran helplessly to Eugene's sister, Myrtle, who initially tried to hide the scandal and tragedy from her husband, but later admitted the truth and contemplated what to do. Frank Bangs, a practical man who firmly believed in Christian Science because of his wife's miraculous healing from a tumor several years earlier, tried to apply his understanding of the divine science—the all-encompassing goodness—to this situation.
"There is no use worrying about it, Myrtle," he said to his wife, who, in spite of her faith, was temporarily shaken and frightened by the calamities which seemingly had overtaken [Pg 681] her brother. "It's another evidence of the workings of mortal mind. It is real enough in its idea of itself, but nothing in God's grace. It will come out all right, if we think right. Angela can go to a maternity hospital for the time being, or whenever she's ready. We may be able to persuade Eugene to do the right thing."
"There’s no point in worrying about it, Myrtle," he told his wife, who, despite her faith, was momentarily shaken and scared by the troubles that seemed to have hit her brother. "[Pg 681] It's just another example of how the human mind works. It feels very real to itself, but it’s got nothing to do with God’s grace. Everything will turn out fine if we think positively. Angela can go to a maternity hospital for now, or whenever she feels ready. We might be able to convince Eugene to do the right thing."
Angela was persuaded to consult a Christian Science practitioner, and Myrtle went to the woman who had cured her and begged her to use her influence, or rather her knowledge of science to effect a rehabilitation for her brother. She was told that this could not be done without his wish, but that she would pray for him. If he could be persuaded to come of his own accord, seeking spiritual guidance or divine aid, it would be a different matter. In spite of his errors, and to her they seemed palpable and terrible enough at present, her faith would not allow her to reproach him, and besides she loved him. He was a strong man, she said, always strange. He and Angela might not have been well mated. But all could be righted in Science. There was a dreary period of packing and storing for Angela, in which she stood about amid the ruins of her previous comfort and distinction and cried over the things that had seemed so lovely to her. Here were all Eugene's things, his paintings, his canes, his pipes, his clothes. She cried over a handsome silk dressing gown in which he had been wont to lounge about—it smacked so much, curiously, of older and happier days. There were hard, cold and determined conferences also in which some of Angela's old fighting, ruling spirit would come back, but not for long. She was beaten now, and she knew it—wrecked. The roar of a cold and threatening sea was in her ears.
Angela was convinced to see a Christian Science practitioner, and Myrtle went to the woman who had healed her and asked her to use her influence, or rather her knowledge of science, to help her brother. She was told that this couldn’t be done without his consent, but that she would pray for him. If he could be convinced to seek spiritual guidance or divine help on his own, it would be a different story. Despite his mistakes, which seemed obvious and terrible to her right now, her faith wouldn’t let her blame him, and besides, she loved him. He was a strong man, she said, always a bit odd. He and Angela might not have been a perfect match. But everything could be fixed in Science. There was a gloomy period of packing and storing for Angela, where she stood amidst the remnants of her former comfort and status and cried over the things that had once seemed so beautiful to her. Here were all of Eugene's belongings—his paintings, his canes, his pipes, his clothes. She cried over a nice silk dressing gown he used to wear, which oddly reminded her of older, happier times. There were also tough, cold, and determined discussions in which some of Angela's old fighting spirit would reemerge, but it didn’t last long. She was defeated now, and she knew it—broken. The sound of a cold, threatening sea roared in her ears.
It should be said here that at one time Suzanne truly imagined she loved Eugene. It must be remembered, however, that she was moved to affection for him by the wonder of a personality that was hypnotic to her. There was something about the personality of Eugene that was subversive of conventionality. He approached, apparently a lamb of conventional feelings and appearances; whereas, inwardly, he was a ravening wolf of indifference to convention. All the organized modes and methods of life were a joke to him. He saw through to something that was not material life at all, but spiritual, or say immaterial, of which all material things were a shadow. What did the great forces of life care whether this system which was maintained here with so much show and fuss was really maintained at all or not? How could they care? He once stood in a morgue and saw human bodies apparently dissolving into a kind of chemical mush [Pg 682] and he had said to himself then how ridiculous it was to assume that life meant anything much to the forces which were doing these things. Great chemical and physical forces were at work, which permitted, accidentally, perhaps, some little shadow-play, which would soon pass. But, oh, its presence—how sweet it was!
It should be noted that at one point, Suzanne genuinely thought she loved Eugene. However, it's important to remember that her feelings for him were stirred by the allure of his hypnotic personality. There was something about Eugene's character that challenged conventional norms. On the surface, he seemed like a compliant person with conventional feelings and appearances; yet, inside, he was a fierce wolf disregarding all conventions. He found the structured ways of life to be a joke. He perceived something beyond material existence, something spiritual or immaterial, where material things were merely shadows. What did the great forces of life care if this elaborate system, maintained with so much pomp and fuss, truly held any significance? How could they care? He once stood in a morgue and watched human bodies seemingly turning into a kind of chemical mush [Pg 682] and thought to himself how absurd it was to think life meant much to the forces behind it. Massive chemical and physical forces were at play, allowing, maybe even accidentally, a brief shadow-play that would soon fade away. But, oh, how delightful its presence was!
Naturally Suzanne was cast down for the time being, for she was capable of suffering just as Eugene was. But having given her word to wait, she decided to stick to that, although she had not stuck to her other. She was between nineteen and twenty now—Eugene was nearing forty. Life could still soothe her in spite of herself. In Eugene's case it could only hurt the more. Mrs. Dale went abroad with Suzanne and the other children, visiting with people who could not possibly have heard, or ever would except in a vague, uncertain way for that matter. If it became evident, as she thought it might, that there was to be a scandal, Mrs. Dale proposed to say that Eugene had attempted to establish an insidious hold on her child in defiance of reason and honor, and that she had promptly broken it up, shielding Suzanne, almost without the latter's knowledge. It was plausible enough.
Naturally, Suzanne was feeling down for the moment, as she was just as capable of suffering as Eugene was. But since she had given her word to wait, she decided to stick to that, even though she hadn’t kept her other promise. She was between nineteen and twenty now—Eugene was approaching forty. Life could still comfort her despite her emotions. In Eugene's case, it could only cause more pain. Mrs. Dale traveled abroad with Suzanne and the other kids, visiting people who couldn’t possibly have heard about the situation, or would only do so in a vague, uncertain way. If it became clear, as she suspected it might, that there would be a scandal, Mrs. Dale planned to say that Eugene had tried to exert an insidious influence over her child, going against reason and honor, and that she had quickly put a stop to it, protecting Suzanne, almost without her knowledge. It was believable enough.
What was he to do now? how live? was his constant thought. Go into a wee, small apartment in some back street with Angela, where he and she, if he decided to stay with her, could find a pretty outlook for a little money and live? Never. Admit that he had lost Suzanne for a year at least, if not permanently, in this suddenly brusque way? Impossible. Go and confess that he had made a mistake, which he still did not feel to be true? or that he was sorry and would like to patch things up as before? Never. He was not sorry. He did not propose to live with Angela in the old way any more. He was sick of her, or rather of that atmosphere of repression and convention in which he had spent so many years. He was sick of the idea of having a child thrust on him against his will. He would not do it. She had no business to put herself in this position. He would die first. His insurance was paid up to date. He had carried during the last five years a policy for something over eighteen thousand in her favor, and if he died she would get that. He wished he might. It would be some atonement for the hard knocks which fate had recently given her, but he did not wish to live with her any more. Never, never, child or no child. Go back to the apartment after this night—how could he? If he did, he must pretend that nothing had happened—at least, nothing untoward between him and Suzanne. [Pg 683] She might come back. Might! Might! Ah, the mockery of it—to leave him in this way when she really could have come to him—should have—oh, the bitterness of this thrust of fate!
What was he supposed to do now? How could he live? That was his constant thought. Move into a tiny apartment on some back street with Angela, where they could find a nice view for a little money and just get by? No way. Admit that he had lost Suzanne for at least a year, if not forever, in this sudden, harsh way? Impossible. Go and confess he made a mistake, which he still didn’t believe was true? Or that he was sorry and wanted to fix things like they were before? No chance. He wasn’t sorry. He didn’t plan to live with Angela in the old way anymore. He was tired of her, or more accurately, tired of the oppressive atmosphere and conventions that had consumed so many years of his life. He was sick of the idea of being forced into fatherhood against his will. He wouldn’t do it. She had no right to put herself in this position. He’d rather die first. His insurance was fully paid. For the last five years, he had a policy worth over eighteen thousand in her name, and if he died, she would get that. He wished he might. It would be some form of reconciliation for the rough blows fate had recently dealt her, but he didn’t want to live with her anymore. Never, never, child or no child. Go back to the apartment after this night—how could he? If he did, he’d have to act like nothing had happened—at least, nothing out of the ordinary between him and Suzanne. [Pg 683] She might come back. Might! Might! Ah, the irony of it—to leave him like this when she really could have come to him—she should have—oh, the bitterness of this twist of fate!
There was a day when the furniture was sent away and Angela went to live with Myrtle for the time being. There was another tearful hour when she left New York to visit her sister Marietta at Racine, where they now were, intending to tell her before she came away, as a profound secret, the terrible tragedy which had overtaken her. Eugene went to the train with her, but with no desire to be there. Angela's one thought, in all this, was that somehow time would effect a reconciliation. If she could just wait long enough; if she could keep her peace and live and not die, and not give him a divorce, he might eventually recover his sanity and come to think of her as at least worth living with. The child might do it, its coming would be something that would affect him surely. He was bound to see her through it. She told herself she was willing and delighted to go through this ordeal, if only it brought him back to her. This child—what a reception it was to receive, unwanted, dishonored before its arrival, ignored; if by any chance she should die, what would he do about it? Surely he would not desert it. Already in her nervous, melancholy way, she was yearning toward it.
There was a day when the furniture was taken away, and Angela moved in with Myrtle for a while. There was another tearful moment when she left New York to visit her sister Marietta in Racine, where they were now, planning to share the terrible tragedy that had happened to her as a deep secret before she left. Eugene accompanied her to the train, but he didn’t really want to be there. Angela's only thought in all of this was that somehow time would bring a reconciliation. If she could just wait long enough; if she could keep her composure and stay alive, and not get a divorce, he might eventually regain his sanity and come to see her as at least worth living with. The arrival of the child might make a difference; surely that would affect him. He had to be there for her through it all. She told herself she was willing and happy to endure this ordeal if it only brought him back to her. This child—what a reception it was to receive, unwanted and dishonored before its arrival, ignored; if by any chance she should die, what would he do about it? Surely, he would not abandon it. Already, in her anxious, melancholy way, she was longing for it.
"Tell me," she said to Eugene one day, when they were alternately quarreling and planning, "if the baby comes, and I—and I—die, you won't absolutely desert it? You'll take it, won't you?"
"Tell me," she said to Eugene one day, when they were going back and forth between arguing and making plans, "if the baby comes, and I—and I—die, you won't just abandon it, right? You'll take it, won't you?"
"I'll take it," he replied. "Don't worry. I'm not an absolute dog. I didn't want it. It's a trick on your part, but I'll take it. I don't want you to die. You know that."
"I'll take it," he said. "Don't worry. I'm not heartless. I didn't want it. It's a bit of a trick on your part, but I'll accept it. I don't want you to die. You know that."
Angela thought if she lived that she would be willing to go through a period of poverty and depression with him again, if only she could live to see him sane and moral and even semi-successful. The baby might do it. He had never had a child. And much as he disliked the idea now, still, when it was here, he might change his mind. If only she could get through that ordeal. She was so old—her muscles so set. Meanwhile she consulted a lawyer, a doctor, a fortune teller, an astrologer and the Christian Science practitioner to whom Myrtle had recommended her. It was an aimless, ridiculous combination, but she was badly torn up, and any port seemed worth while in this storm.
Angela thought that if she survived, she would be willing to go through another time of poverty and depression with him, just to see him healthy, moral, and somewhat successful. The baby might change things. He had never been a father. And even though he disliked the idea now, once the baby arrived, he might have a change of heart. If only she could make it through that tough time. She felt so old—her body had become so rigid. In the meantime, she consulted a lawyer, a doctor, a fortune teller, an astrologer, and the Christian Science practitioner that Myrtle had recommended to her. It was a random, absurd mix, but she was in a lot of pain, and any help seemed worthwhile in this chaos.
The doctor told her that her muscles were rather set, but with the regimen he prescribed, he was satisfied she would be [Pg 684] all right. The astrologer told her that she and Eugene were fated for this storm by the stars—Eugene, particularly, and that he might recover, in which case, he would be successful again in a measure. As for herself, he shook his head. Yes, she would be all right. He was lying. The fortune teller laid the cards to see if Eugene would ever marry Suzanne, and Angela was momentarily gratified to learn that she would never enter his life—this from a semi-cadaverous, but richly dressed and bejeweled lady whose ante-room was filled with women whose troubles were of the heart, the loss of money, the enmity of rivals, or the dangers of childbirth. The Christian Science practitioner declared all to be divine mind—omnipotent, omnipresent, omniscient good, and that evil could not exist in it—only the illusion of it. "It is real enough to those who give it their faith and believe," said the counselor, "but without substance or meaning to those who know themselves to be a perfect, indestructible reflection of an idea in God. God is a principle. When the nature of that principle is realized and yourself as a part of it, evil falls away as the troublesome dream that it is. It has no reality." She assured her that no evil could befall her in the true understanding of Science. God is love.
The doctor told her that her muscles were pretty stiff, but with the plan he laid out, he was confident she would be [Pg 684] fine. The astrologer mentioned that she and Eugene were doomed to this turmoil by the stars—especially Eugene—and that he might bounce back, in which case, he would find some success again. As for her, he shook his head. Yes, she would be okay. He was lying. The fortune teller read the cards to see if Eugene would ever marry Suzanne, and Angela felt a moment of relief learning that she would never be part of his life—this from a somewhat ghostly, but elegantly dressed and jewel-adorned lady whose waiting room was full of women dealing with romantic issues, financial losses, rivalries, or childbirth concerns. The Christian Science practitioner said everything is divine mind—omnipotent, omnipresent, and all-knowing goodness, and that evil cannot exist within it—only the illusion of it. "It feels real to those who invest their faith in it," said the counselor, "but has no substance or meaning to those who recognize themselves as a perfect, indestructible reflection of an idea in God. God is a principle. Once you understand the nature of that principle and see yourself as part of it, evil fades away like the bothersome dream it is. It has no reality." She assured her that no evil could come to her in the true understanding of Science. God is love.
The lawyer told her, after listening to a heated story of Eugene's misconduct, that under the laws of the State of New York, in which these misdeeds were committed, she was not entitled to anything more than a very small fraction of her husband's estate, if he had any. Two years was the shortest time in which a divorce could be secured. He would advise her to sue if she could establish a suitable condition of affluence on Eugene's part, not otherwise. Then he charged her twenty-five dollars for this advice.
The lawyer told her, after hearing a heated account of Eugene's wrongdoings, that according to the laws of New York, where these actions took place, she was only entitled to a small portion of her husband’s estate, if there was one. It would take at least two years to get a divorce. He recommended that she file a lawsuit if she could prove Eugene was financially stable; otherwise, he wouldn’t advise it. Then he charged her twenty-five dollars for this advice.
CHAPTER XXIV
To those who have followed a routine or system of living in this world—who have, by slow degrees and persistent effort, built up a series of habits, tastes, refinements, emotions and methods of conduct, and have, in addition, achieved a certain distinction and position, so that they have said to one "Go!" and he goes, and to another "Come!" and he comes, who have enjoyed without stint or reserve, let or hindrance, those joys of perfect freedom of action, and that ease and deliberation which comes with the presence of comparative wealth, social position, and comforts, the narrowing that comes with the lack of means, the fear of public opinion, or the shame of public disclosure, is one of the most pathetic, discouraging and terrifying things that can be imagined. These are the hours that try men's souls. The man who sits in a seat of the mighty and observes a world that is ruled by a superior power, a superior force of which he by some miraculous generosity of fate has been chosen apparently as a glittering instrument, has no conception of the feelings of the man who, cast out of his dignities and emoluments, sits in the dark places of the world among the ashes of his splendor and meditates upon the glory of his bygone days. There is a pathos here which passes the conception of the average man. The prophets of the Old Testament discerned it clearly enough, for they were forever pronouncing the fate of those whose follies were in opposition to the course of righteousness and who were made examples of by a beneficent and yet awful power. "Thus saith the Lord: Because thou hast lifted thyself up against the God of Heaven, and they have brought the vessels of His house before thee, and thou and thy Lords, thy wives and concubines, have drank wine in them, and thou hast praised the gods of silver and gold, of brass, iron, wood, and stone...God hath numbered thy Kingdom and finished it. Thou art weighed in the balance and found wanting; thy Kingdom is divided and given to the Medes and the Persians."
To those who have followed a routine or way of life in this world—who have gradually and consistently built up a series of habits, preferences, refinements, feelings, and ways of behaving, and have also achieved a certain level of success and position, such that they can tell one person "Go!" and he goes, and tell another "Come!" and he comes, who have enjoyed without limit or hesitation those joys of complete freedom to act, and the comfort and carefulness that comes with having some wealth, social status, and comforts; the restrictions that come with not having resources, the fear of what others think, or the shame of being publicly exposed, are among the most heartbreaking, discouraging, and frightening experiences imaginable. These are the moments that test a man's spirit. The man in power who watches a world governed by a higher authority, a stronger force of which he has been unexpectedly chosen, seemingly as a shining instrument, has no idea what the feelings are like for the man who, stripped of his honors and privileges, sits in the shadows of the world amid the remnants of his former glory and reflects on the splendor of his past. There is a depth of emotion here that goes beyond what the average person can understand. The prophets of the Old Testament understood it well, as they constantly foretold the destiny of those whose foolishness went against the path of righteousness and who were made examples by a benevolent yet fearsome power. "Thus says the Lord: Because you have raised yourself against the God of Heaven, and you have brought the vessels from His house before you, and you and your lords, your wives, and concubines have drunk wine from them, and you have praised the gods of silver and gold, of bronze, iron, wood, and stone...God has numbered your kingdom and brought it to an end. You have been weighed in the balance and found lacking; your kingdom is divided and given to the Medes and Persians."
Eugene was in a minor way an exemplification of this seeming course of righteousness. His Kingdom, small as it was, was truly at an end. Our social life is so organized, so closely knit upon a warp of instinct, that we almost always instinctively flee that which does not accord with custom, usage, preconceived notions and tendencies—those various things which we in our [Pg 686] littleness of vision conceive to be dominant. Who does not run from the man who may because of his deeds be condemned of that portion of the public which we chance to respect? Walk he ever so proudly, carry himself with what circumspectness he may, at the first breath of suspicion all are off—friends, relations, business acquaintances, the whole social fabric in toto. "Unclean!" is the cry. "Unclean! Unclean!" And it does not matter how inwardly shabby we may be, what whited sepulchres shining to the sun, we run quickly. It seems a tribute to that providence which shapes our ends, which continues perfect in tendency however vilely we may overlay its brightness with the rust of our mortal corruption, however imitative we may be.
Eugene was a small example of this apparent path to righteousness. His Kingdom, though tiny, was truly over. Our social life is so organized and tightly woven around instinct that we usually instinctively avoid anything that doesn’t fit with custom, tradition, preconceived ideas, and tendencies—those various things we, in our limited perspective, think are dominant. Who doesn’t run from someone who might be judged by that part of the public we happen to admire? No matter how confidently he walks or how carefully he presents himself, at the first hint of suspicion, everyone is gone—friends, family, business associates, the entire social structure. "Unclean!" is the shout. "Unclean! Unclean!" And it doesn’t matter how internally flawed we might be, what beautiful facades we present to the world, we flee quickly. It seems like a nod to that force that shapes our destinies, which remains perfect in its influence, no matter how much we tarnish its brilliance with our own moral decay, no matter how imitative we might become.
Angela had gone home by now to see her father, who was now quite old and feeble, and also down to Alexandria to see Eugene's mother, who was also badly deteriorated in health.
Angela had gone home by now to see her dad, who was pretty old and weak, and also down to Alexandria to see Eugene's mom, who was also in poor health.
"I keep hoping against hope that your attitude will change toward me," wrote Angela. "Let me hear from you if you will from time to time. It can't make any difference in your course. A word won't hurt, and I am so lonely. Oh, Eugene, if I could only die—if I only could!" No word as to the true state of things was given at either place. Angela pretended that Eugene had long been sick of his commercial career and was, owing to untoward conditions in the Colfax Company, glad to return to his art for a period. He might come home, but he was very busy. So she lied. But she wrote Myrtle fully of her hopes and, more particularly, her fears.
"I keep hoping that your feelings toward me will change," Angela wrote. "Please reach out whenever you can. It won't affect your life. A simple message wouldn’t hurt, and I'm so lonely. Oh, Eugene, if only I could die—if I could!" No information about the true situation was shared at either place. Angela pretended that Eugene had grown tired of his commercial job and was, due to unfortunate circumstances at the Colfax Company, happy to return to his art for a while. He might come home, but he was really busy. So she lied. But she told Myrtle all about her hopes and especially her fears.
There were a number of conferences between Eugene and Myrtle, for the latter, because of their early companionship, was very fond of him. His traits, the innocent ones, were as sweet to her as when they were boy and girl together. She sought him out in his lovely room at Kingsbridge.
There were several meetings between Eugene and Myrtle, who, due to their early friendship, was quite fond of him. His innocent qualities were as charming to her as they were when they were kids together. She would look for him in his beautiful room at Kingsbridge.
"Why don't you come and stay with us, Eugene?" she pleaded. "We have a comfortable apartment. You can have that big room next to ours. It has a nice view. Frank likes you. We have listened to Angela, and I think you are wrong, but you are my brother, and I want you to come. Everything is coming out right. God will straighten it out. Frank and I are praying for you. There is no evil, you know, according to the way we think. Now"—and she smiled her old-time girlish smile—"don't stay up here alone. Wouldn't you rather be with me?"
"Why don't you come and stay with us, Eugene?" she begged. "We have a nice apartment. You can have that big room next to ours. It has a great view. Frank likes you. We've listened to Angela, and I think you're wrong, but you're my brother, and I want you to come. Everything is going to work out. God will make it right. Frank and I are praying for you. There's no evil, you know, in the way we see it. Now"—and she smiled her old girl-next-door smile—"don't stay up here alone. Wouldn't you rather be with me?"
"Oh, I'd like to be there well enough, Myrtle, but I can't do it now. I don't want to. I have to think. I want to be alone. [Pg 687] I haven't settled what I want to do. I think I will try my hand at some pictures. I have a little money and all the time I want now. I see there are some nice houses over there on the hill that might have a room with a north window that would serve as a studio. I want to think this thing out first. I don't know what I'll do."
"Oh, I’d love to be there, Myrtle, but I can’t right now. I don’t want to. I need to think. I want to be alone. [Pg 687] I haven’t figured out what I want to do yet. I think I’ll try my hand at some artwork. I have a little money and all the time I need right now. I see there are some nice houses over on the hill that might have a room with a north-facing window that would be perfect for a studio. I want to work this out first. I don’t know what I’ll do."
He had now that new pain in his groin, which had come to him first when her mother first carried Suzanne off to Canada and he was afraid that he should never see her any more. It was a real pain, sharp, physical, like a cut with a knife. He wondered how it was that it could be physical and down there. His eyes hurt him and his finger tips. Wasn't that queer, too?
He now felt that new pain in his groin, which had first hit him when her mother took Suzanne off to Canada, and he was scared he would never see her again. It was a real pain, sharp and physical, like a knife cut. He wondered how it could be so physical and located there. His eyes hurt and his fingertips. Wasn't that strange, too?
"Why don't you go and see a Christian Science practitioner?" asked Myrtle. "It won't do you any harm. You don't need to believe. Let me get you the book and you can read it. See if you don't think there is something in it. There you go smiling sarcastically, but, Eugene, I can't tell you what it hasn't done for us. It's done everything—that's just all. I'm a different person from what I was five years ago, and so is Frank. You know how sick I was?"
"Why don't you go see a Christian Science practitioner?" asked Myrtle. "It won't hurt you. You don't have to believe. Let me get you the book so you can read it. See if you don’t think there’s something to it. There you go, smiling sarcastically, but, Eugene, I can’t tell you how much it’s done for us. It’s done everything—that’s all there is to it. I’m a different person than I was five years ago, and so is Frank. You know how sick I was?"
"Yes, I know."
"Yeah, I know."
"Why don't you go and see Mrs. Johns? You needn't tell her anything unless you want to. She has performed some perfectly wonderful cures."
"Why don't you go see Mrs. Johns? You don't have to tell her anything unless you want to. She's done some truly amazing healing."
"What can Mrs. Johns do for me?" asked Eugene bitterly, his lip set in an ironic mould. "Cure me of gloom? Make my heart cease to ache? What's the use of talking? I ought to quit the whole thing." He stared at the floor.
"What can Mrs. Johns do for me?" asked Eugene bitterly, his lip curled in irony. "Cure me of my sadness? Make my heart stop hurting? What's the point of talking? I should just give up on the whole thing." He stared at the floor.
"She can't, but God can. Oh, Eugene, I know how you feel! Please go. It can't do you any harm. I'll bring you the book tomorrow. Will you read it if I bring it to you?"
"She can't, but God can. Oh, Eugene, I get how you're feeling! Please go. It won't hurt you. I'll bring you the book tomorrow. Will you read it if I bring it to you?"
"No."
"Nope."
"Oh, Eugene, please for my sake."
"Oh, Eugene, please do it for me."
"What good will it do? I don't believe in it. I can't. I'm too intelligent to take any stock in that rot."
"What good will it do? I don't believe in it. I can't. I'm too smart to buy into that nonsense."
"Eugene, how you talk! You'll change your mind some time. I know how you think. But read it anyhow. Will you please? Promise me you will. I shouldn't ask. It isn't the way, but I want you to look into it. Go and see Mrs. Johns."
"Eugene, you really know how to talk! You'll come around eventually. I get your point of view. But could you read it anyway? Please? Promise me you will. I shouldn’t even ask. It’s not the normal approach, but I really want you to check it out. Go and see Mrs. Johns."
Eugene refused. Of asinine things this seemed the silliest. Christian Science! Christian rot! He knew what to do. His conscience was dictating that he give up Suzanne and return to Angela in her hour of need—to his coming child, for the time being anyhow, but this awful lure of beauty, of personality, of [Pg 688] love—how it tugged at his soul! Oh, those days with Suzanne in the pretty watering and dining places about New York, those hours of bliss when she looked so beautiful! How could he get over that? How give up the memory? She was so sweet. Her beauty so rare. Every thought of her hurt. It hurt so badly that most of the time he dared not think—must, perforce, walk or work or stir restlessly about agonized for fear he should think too much. Oh, life; oh, hell!
Eugene refused. Of all the ridiculous things, this seemed the most absurd. Christian Science! What nonsense! He knew what he had to do. His conscience was telling him to give up Suzanne and go back to Angela in her time of need—to his unborn child, at least for now. But this terrible temptation of beauty, of personality, of love—how it pulled at his soul! Oh, those days with Suzanne at the lovely cafes and restaurants around New York, those moments of joy when she looked so stunning! How could he move on from that? How could he let go of the memories? She was so sweet. Her beauty so unique. Every thought of her was painful. It hurt so much that most of the time he avoided thinking—he had to walk or work or pace restlessly, terrified he would think too much. Oh, life; oh, hell!
The intrusion of Christian Science into his purview just now was due, of course, to the belief in and enthusiasm for that religious idea on the part of Myrtle and her husband. As at Lourdes and St. Anne de Beau Pré and other miracle-working centres, where hope and desire and religious enthusiasm for the efficacious intervention of a superior and non-malicious force intervenes, there had occurred in her case an actual cure from a very difficult and complicated physical ailment. She had been suffering from a tumor, nervous insomnia, indigestion, constipation and a host of allied ills, which had apparently refused to yield to ordinary medical treatment. She was in a very bad way mentally and physically at the time the Christian Science textbook, "Science and Health, with Key to the Scriptures," by Mrs. Eddy, was put into her hands. While attempting to read it in a hopeless, helpless spirit, she was instantly cured—that is, the idea that she was well took possession of her, and not long after she really was so. She threw all her medicines, of which there was quite a store, into the garbage pail, eschewed doctors, began to read the Christian Science literature, and attend the Christian Science church nearest her apartment, and was soon involved in its subtle metaphysical interpretation of mortal life. Into this faith, her husband, who loved her very much, had followed, for what was good enough for her and would cure her was good enough for him. He soon seized on its spiritual significance with great vigor and became, if anything, a better exponent and interpreter of the significant thought than was she herself.
The recent interest in Christian Science from his perspective was mainly due to Myrtle and her husband's belief in and excitement about that faith. Just like at Lourdes, St. Anne de Beau Pré, and other places known for miracles, where hope, desire, and religious fervor prompt the idea of a helpful and benevolent force intervening, Myrtle experienced a genuine healing from a complex physical issue. She had been dealing with a tumor, severe insomnia, indigestion, constipation, and numerous related problems that traditional medicine seemed unable to fix. At the time she received the Christian Science textbook, "Science and Health, with Key to the Scriptures," by Mrs. Eddy, she was in really bad shape, both mentally and physically. While she tried to read it feeling hopeless and helpless, she was suddenly healed—that is, the belief that she was well took over her, and soon after, she actually was. She tossed all her medications, which she had quite a lot of, into the trash, avoided doctors, started reading Christian Science materials, and began attending the closest Christian Science church to her apartment. She soon became deeply engaged in its complex metaphysical views on life. Her husband, who loved her dearly, also embraced this faith because if it was good enough for her and helped her heal, it was good enough for him. He quickly grasped its spiritual significance with enthusiasm and became, if anything, a better advocate and interpreter of its important ideas than she was herself.
Those who know anything of Christian Science know that its main tenet is that God is a principle, not a personality understandable or conceivable from the mortal or sensory side of life (which latter is an illusion), and that man (spiritually speaking) in His image and likeness. Man is not God or any part of Him. He is an idea in God, and, as such, as perfect and indestructible and undisturbably harmonious as an idea in God or principle must be. To those not metaphysically inclined, this is usually dark and without significance, but to those spiritually or metaphysically [Pg 689] minded it comes as a great light. Matter becomes a built-up set or combination of illusions, which may have evolved or not as one chooses, but which unquestionably have been built up from nothing or an invisible, intangible idea, and have no significance beyond the faith or credence, which those who are at base spiritual give them. Deny them—know them to be what they are—and they are gone.
Those who know anything about Christian Science understand that its main belief is that God is a principle, not a personality that can be understood or imagined from the limited human perspective (which is an illusion). Also, that humanity (spiritually speaking) is made in His image and likeness. Humanity is not God or any part of Him. People are ideas in God, and as such, they are perfect, indestructible, and harmoniously unwavering, just like an idea in God or principle should be. For those who aren't inclined toward metaphysics, this can seem obscure and meaningless, but for those who are spiritually or metaphysically minded, it shines as a great illumination. Matter becomes a constructed set or combination of illusions, which may have developed or not, depending on one's beliefs, but have undeniably been built from nothing or from an invisible, intangible idea and have no real significance beyond the faith or belief that those who are fundamentally spiritual attribute to them. Deny them—recognize them for what they are—and they disappear.
To Eugene, who at this time was in a great state of mental doldrums—blue, dispirited, disheartened, inclined to see only evil and destructive forces—this might well come with peculiar significance, if it came at all. He was one of those men who from their birth are metaphysically inclined. All his life he had been speculating on the subtleties of mortal existence, reading Spencer, Kant, Spinoza, at odd moments, and particularly such men as Darwin, Huxley, Tyndall, Lord Avebury, Alfred Russel Wallace, and latterly Sir Oliver Lodge and Sir William Crookes, trying to find out by the inductive, naturalistic method just what life was. He had secured inklings at times, he thought, by reading such things as Emerson's "Oversoul," "The Meditations of Marcus Aurelius," and Plato. God was a spirit, he thought, as Christ had said to the woman at the well in Samaria, but whether this spirit concerned itself with mortal affairs, where was so much suffering and contention, was another matter. Personally he had never believed so—or been at all sure. He had always been moved by the Sermon on the Mount; the beauty of Christ's attitude toward the troubles of the world, the wonder of the faith of the old prophets in insisting that God is God, that there are no other Gods before him, and that he would repay iniquity with disfavor. Whether he did or not was an open question with him. This question of sin had always puzzled him—original sin. Were there laws which ante-dated human experience, which were in God—The Word—before it was made flesh? If so, what were these laws? Did they concern matrimony—some spiritual union which was older than life itself? Did they concern stealing? What was stealing outside of life? Where was it before man began? Or did it only begin with man? Ridiculous! It must relate to something in chemistry and physics, which had worked out in life. A sociologist—a great professor in one of the colleges had once told him that he did not believe in success or failure, sin, or a sense of self-righteousness except as they were related to built-up instincts in the race—instincts related solely to the self-preservation and the evolution of the race. Beyond that was nothing. Spiritual morality? Bah! He knew nothing about it.
To Eugene, who at this time was feeling really down—sad, discouraged, and looking at the world through a negative lens—this might hold some unusual importance, if it even meant anything at all. He was one of those people who have a natural inclination toward metaphysics from birth. Throughout his life, he had been pondering the complexities of human existence, reading thinkers like Spencer, Kant, and Spinoza whenever he could, especially those like Darwin, Huxley, Tyndall, Lord Avebury, Alfred Russel Wallace, and more recently Sir Oliver Lodge and Sir William Crookes, trying to figure out what life really was through observation and naturalistic methods. Sometimes he thought he had glimpses of understanding by reading works like Emerson's "Oversoul," "The Meditations of Marcus Aurelius," and Plato. He believed that God was a spirit, as Christ told the woman at the well in Samaria, but whether this spirit took an interest in human affairs, given all the suffering and conflict in the world, was another story. Personally, he had never really believed this—or felt completely sure. The Sermon on the Mount had always moved him; he admired Christ's perspective on the world's troubles and the faith of the old prophets who insisted that there is only one true God, who would respond to wrongdoing with repercussions. Whether that actually happened was an open question for him. The issue of sin had always confused him—original sin. Were there laws that existed before human experience, embedded in God—The Word—before it became flesh? If so, what were those laws? Did they have to do with marriage—some spiritual connection that predates life itself? Did they relate to stealing? What is stealing outside of human life? Where was it before humanity existed? Or did it only start with humans? Absurd! It must connect to something in chemistry and physics that manifested in life. A sociologist—a distinguished professor from one of the universities—once told him that he didn't believe in success or failure, sin, or self-righteousness except as they related to ingrained instincts in humanity—instincts solely tied to self-preservation and the evolution of the species. Beyond that, there was nothing. Spiritual morality? Nonsense! He knew nothing about it.
[Pg 690] Such rank agnosticism could not but have had its weight with Eugene. He was a doubter ever. All life, as I have said before, went to pieces under his scalpel, and he could not put it together again logically, once he had it cut up. People talked about the sanctity of marriage, but, heavens, marriage was an evolution! He knew that. Someone had written a two-volume treatise on it—"The History of Human Marriage," or something like that and in it animals were shown to have mated only for so long as it took to rear the young, to get them to the point at which they could take care of themselves. And wasn't this really what was at the basis of modern marriage? He had read in this history, if he recalled aright, that the only reason marriage had come to be looked upon as sacred, and for life, was the length of time it took to rear the human young. It took so long that the parents were old, safely so, before the children were launched into the world. Then why separate?
[Pg 690] Such strong agnosticism definitely affected Eugene. He was always a skeptic. As I mentioned before, everything fell apart under his scrutiny, and he couldn't piece it back together logically once he dissected it. People praised the sanctity of marriage, but honestly, marriage was just a progression! He understood that. Someone had written a two-volume work on the subject—"The History of Human Marriage" or something like that—and it showed that animals only mated long enough to raise their young to the point where they could fend for themselves. Wasn't that really what modern marriage was based on? He remembered reading in that history that the only reason marriage became seen as sacred and lifelong was the lengthy process of raising human children. It took so long that parents were often old by the time their kids were ready to enter the world. So, why would anyone want to separate?
But it was the duty of everybody to raise children.
But it was everyone's responsibility to raise children.
Ah! there had been the trouble. He had been bothered by that. The home centered around that. Children! Race reproduction! Pulling this wagon of evolution! Was every man who did not inevitably damned? Was the race spirit against him? Look at the men and women who didn't—who couldn't. Thousands and thousands. And those who did always thought those who didn't were wrong. The whole American spirit he had always felt to be intensely set in this direction—the idea of having children and rearing them, a conservative work-a-day spirit. Look at his father. And yet other men were so shrewd that they preyed on this spirit, moving factories to where this race spirit was the most active, so that they could hire the children cheaply, and nothing happened to them, or did something happen?
Ah! That was the problem. It had been bothering him. The home revolved around that. Kids! Race reproduction! Dragging this wagon of evolution! Was every man who did not follow this path inevitably doomed? Was the spirit of the race against him? Look at the men and women who didn't—who couldn't. Thousands and thousands. And those who did always thought those who didn’t were mistaken. He had always perceived the whole American spirit as being strongly focused on this idea—having kids and raising them, a conservative, everyday working mindset. Look at his father. Yet some men were so cunning that they exploited this spirit, relocating factories to where this race spirit was most vigorous, so they could hire the children for cheap, and nothing happened to them, or did something happen?
However, Myrtle continued to plead with him to look into this new interpretation of the Scriptures, claiming that it was true, that it would bring him into an understanding of spirit which would drive away all these mortal ills, that it was above all mortal conception—spiritual over all, and so he thought about that. She told him that if it was right that he should cease to live with Angela, it would come to pass, and that if it was not, it would not; but anyhow and in any event in this truth there would be peace and happiness to him. He should do what was right ("seek ye first the Kingdom of God"), and then all these things would be added unto him.
However, Myrtle kept urging him to explore this new interpretation of the Scriptures, insisting that it was accurate and that it would lead him to a deeper understanding of spirituality that would dispel all these earthly troubles. She claimed it was beyond any human comprehension—spiritual above all. He pondered this idea. She told him that if it was meant to be that he should stop living with Angela, then it would happen, and if not, it wouldn't; but regardless, embracing this truth would bring him peace and happiness. He should do what was right ("seek ye first the Kingdom of God"), and then everything else would follow.
And it seemed terribly silly at first to Eugene for him to be listening at all to any such talk, but later it was not so much [Pg 691] so. There were long arguments and appeals, breakfast and dinner, or Sunday dinners at Myrtle's apartment, arguments with Bangs and Myrtle concerning every phase of the Science teaching, some visits to the Wednesday experience and testimony meetings of their church, at which Eugene heard statements concerning marvelous cures which he could scarcely believe, and so on. So long as the testimonies confined themselves to complaints which might be due to nervous imagination, he was satisfied that their cures were possibly due to religious enthusiasm, which dispelled their belief in something which they did not have, but when they were cured of cancer, consumption, locomotor-ataxia, goitres, shortened limbs, hernia—he did not wish to say they were liars, they seemed too sincere to do that, but he fancied they were simply mistaken. How could they, or this belief, or whatever it was, cure cancer? Good Lord! He went on disbelieving in this way, and refusing also to read the book until one Wednesday evening when he happened to be at the Fourth Church of Christ Scientist in New York that a man stood up beside him in his own pew and said:
And at first, it seemed really silly to Eugene to be listening to any of this talk, but later it didn’t feel that way. There were long discussions and appeals, breakfast and dinner, or Sunday dinners at Myrtle's apartment, arguments with Bangs and Myrtle about every aspect of the Science teaching, some visits to the Wednesday experience and testimony meetings of their church, where Eugene heard accounts of incredible cures that he could hardly believe, and so on. As long as the testimonies were about issues that might be attributed to nervous imagination, he was fine with the idea that their cures could be due to religious enthusiasm, which made them dismiss a belief in something they didn’t have, but when people claimed they were cured of cancer, tuberculosis, locomotor ataxia, goiters, shortened limbs, hernias—he didn't want to call them liars, they seemed too genuine for that, but he thought they were just mistaken. How could they, or this belief, or whatever it was, cure cancer? Good grief! He continued to disbelieve like this, and also refused to read the book until one Wednesday evening when he happened to be at the Fourth Church of Christ Scientist in New York, and a man stood up next to him in his own pew and said:
"I wish to testify to the love and mercy of God in my case, for I was hopelessly afflicted not so very long ago and one of the vilest men I think it is possible to be. I was raised in a family where the Bible was read night and morning—my father was a hidebound Presbyterian—and I was so sickened by the manner in which it was forced down my throat and the inconsistencies which I thought I saw existing between Christian principle and practice, even in my own home, that I said to myself I would conform as long as I was in my father's house and eating his bread, but when I got out I would do as I pleased. I was in my father's house after that a number of years, until I was seventeen, and then I went to a large city, Cincinnati, but the moment I was away and free I threw aside all my so-called religious training and set out to do what I thought was the most pleasant and gratifying thing for me to do. I wanted to drink, and I did, though I was really never a very successful drinker." Eugene smiled. "I wanted to gamble, and I did, but I was never a very clever gambler. Still I did gamble a bit. My great weakness was women, and here I hope none will be offended, I know they will not be, for there may be others who need my testimony badly. I pursued women as I would any other lure. They were really all that I desired—their bodies. My lust was terrible. It was such a dominant thought with me that I could not look at any good-looking woman except, as the Bible says, to lust after her. I was vile. [Pg 692] I became diseased. I was carried into the First Church of Christ Scientist in Chicago, after I had spent all my money and five years of my time on physicians and specialists, suffering from locomotor ataxia, dropsy and kidney disease. I had previously been healed of some other things by ordinary medicine.
"I want to share my experience of God's love and mercy, as not long ago, I felt utterly hopeless and was living as one of the worst people you could imagine. I grew up in a family where the Bible was read every morning and night—my father was a strict Presbyterian. I became so fed up with how it was forced upon me and what I saw as contradictions between Christian principles and actions, even within my own home, that I promised myself I would follow the rules as long as I was living under my father's roof and eating his food, but once I was free, I would do whatever I wanted. I stayed in my father's house for several more years, until I turned seventeen, and then I moved to a big city, Cincinnati. The moment I was away and independent, I rejected all the so-called religious teachings and set out to pursue what I thought would make me happy and fulfilled. I wanted to drink, and I did, though I was never particularly good at it." Eugene smiled. "I wanted to gamble, and I did that too, but I wasn’t a skilled gambler. Nevertheless, I did place some bets. My biggest weakness was women, and I hope no one takes offense at this, I know they won’t, because there may be others who really need to hear my story. I chased after women like I would any other temptation. They were truly all I craved—their bodies. My desire was overwhelming. It consumed my thoughts to the point that I couldn’t look at any attractive woman without, as the Bible says, lusting after her. I was disgusting. [Pg 692] I became ill. I was taken to the First Church of Christ Scientist in Chicago after I had spent all my money and five years seeing doctors and specialists for locomotor ataxia, dropsy, and kidney disease. I had previously been healed of other ailments through regular medicine."
"If there is anyone within the sound of my voice who is afflicted as I was, I want him to listen to me.
"If there’s anyone hearing me who is struggling like I was, I want them to pay attention."
"I want to say to you tonight that I am a well man—not well physically only, but well mentally, and, what is better yet, in so far as I can see the truth, spiritually. I was healed after six months' treatment by a Christian Science practitioner in Chicago, who took my case on my appealing to her, and I stand before you absolutely sound and whole. God is good."
"I want to tell you tonight that I’m a healthy man—not just physically healthy, but mentally as well, and, even better, I feel spiritually well as far as I can understand the truth. I was healed after six months of treatment by a Christian Science practitioner in Chicago, who agreed to take my case when I reached out to her, and I stand before you completely healed and whole. God is good."
He sat down.
He took a seat.
While he had been talking Eugene had been studying him closely, observing every line of his features. He was tall, lean, sandy-haired and sandy-bearded. He was not bad-looking, with long straight nose, clear blue eyes, a light pinkish color to his complexion, and a sense of vigor and health about him. The thing that Eugene noted most was that he was calm, cool, serene, vital. He said exactly what he wanted to say, and he said it vigorously. His voice was clear and with good carrying power. His clothes were shapely, new, well made. He was no beggar or tramp, but a man of some profession—an engineer, very likely. Eugene wished that he might talk to him, and yet he felt ashamed. Somehow this man's case paralleled his own; not exactly, but closely. He personally was never diseased, but how often he had looked after a perfectly charming woman to lust after her! Was the thing that this man was saying really true? Could he be lying? How ridiculous! Could he be mistaken? This man? Impossible! He was too strong, too keen, too sincere, too earnest, to be either of these things. Still—But this testimony might have been given for his benefit, some strange helpful power—that kindly fate that had always pursued him might be trying to reach him here. Could it be? He felt a little strange about it, as he had when he saw the black-bearded man entering the train that took him to Three Rivers, the time he went at the call of Suzanne, as he did when horseshoes were laid before him by supernatural forces to warn him of coming prosperity. He went home thinking, and that night he seriously tried to read "Science and Health" for the first time.
While he was talking, Eugene watched him closely, taking in every detail of his features. He was tall, lean, with sandy hair and a sandy beard. He wasn't bad-looking, with a long straight nose, clear blue eyes, a light pinkish complexion, and an air of vigor and health about him. What Eugene noticed most was his calmness, coolness, serenity, and vitality. He said exactly what he wanted to say, and he said it with enthusiasm. His voice was clear and carried well. His clothes were tailored, new, and well-made. He was no beggar or drifter, but a man with a profession—likely an engineer. Eugene wished he could talk to him, but he felt a bit embarrassed. Somehow, this man's situation mirrored his own; not exactly, but closely. He had never been sick, but how often had he admired a perfectly charming woman just to desire her? Was what this man was saying truly real? Could he be lying? How absurd! Could he be mistaken? This man? Impossible! He was too strong, too sharp, too genuine, too earnest for any of that. Still—could this testimony have been offered for his benefit, some strange helpful influence—that kind fate that had always followed him might be trying to reach him here? Could it be? He felt a bit odd about it, just like he felt when he saw the black-bearded man getting on the train that took him to Three Rivers when he went at Suzanne's request, or when horseshoes were laid before him by supernatural forces to signal approaching success. He went home deep in thought, and that night he seriously attempted to read "Science and Health" for the first time.
CHAPTER XXV
Those who have ever tried to read that very peculiar and, to many, very significant document know what an apparent jumble of contradictions and metaphysical balderdash it appears to be. The statement concerning the rapid multiplication and increased violence of diseases since the flood, which appears in the introduction is enough to shock any believer in definite, material, established natural science, and when Eugene came upon this in the outset, it irritated him, of course, greatly. Why should anybody make such a silly statement as this? Everybody knew that there had never been a flood. Why quote a myth as a fact? It irritated and from a critical point of view amused him. Then he came upon what he deemed to be a jumble of confusion in regard to matter and spirit. The author talked of the evidences of the five physical senses as being worthless, and yet was constantly referring to and using similes based upon those evidences to illustrate her spiritual meanings. He threw the book down a number of times, for the Biblical references irritated him. He did not believe in the Bible. The very word Christianity was a sickening jest, as sickening as it had been to the man in the church. To say that the miracles of Christ could be repeated today could not be serious. Still the man had testified. Wasn't that so? A certain vein of sincerity running through it all—that profound evidence of faith and sympathy which are the characteristics of all sincere reformers—appealed to him. Some little thoughts here and there—a profound acceptance of the spiritual understanding of Jesus, which he himself accepted, stayed with him. One sentence or paragraph somehow stuck in his mind, because he himself was of a metaphysical turn——
Those who have ever tried to read that very peculiar and, to many, very significant document know how it seems like a confusing mix of contradictions and meaningless nonsense. The claim about the rapid spread and increased severity of diseases since the flood, which is mentioned in the introduction, is enough to shock anyone who believes in solid, established natural science. When Eugene first encountered this, it really annoyed him. Why would anyone make such a ridiculous claim? Everyone knew there had never been a flood. Why treat a myth as if it was a fact? It irritated him, but from a critical perspective, it also amused him. Then he stumbled upon what he thought was a confusing mix of ideas about matter and spirit. The author dismissed the evidence of the five physical senses as worthless, yet constantly referred to and used comparisons based on those senses to explain her spiritual ideas. He threw the book down several times because the Biblical references annoyed him. He didn’t believe in the Bible. The term Christianity felt like a sick joke, as distasteful to him as it had been to the man in the church. To claim that the miracles of Christ could happen today couldn’t be taken seriously. Still, the man had testified. Wasn't that true? There was a certain underlying sincerity in it all—a deep evidence of faith and empathy that are typical of all genuine reformers—that appealed to him. Some little thoughts here and there—a deep acceptance of Jesus’ spiritual understanding, which he himself believed—stayed with him. One sentence or paragraph somehow stuck in his mind because he himself had a metaphysical inclination.
"Become conscious for a single moment that life and intelligence are purely spiritual, neither in nor of matter, and the body will then utter no complaints. If suffering from a belief in sickness, you will find yourself suddenly well. Sorrow is turned into joy when the body is controlled by spiritual life and love."
"Just be aware for a moment that life and intelligence are entirely spiritual, not made of or tied to physical matter, and your body won’t have any complaints. If you’re struggling with the belief in illness, you’ll suddenly feel better. Sadness turns into happiness when the body is guided by spiritual life and love."
"God is a spirit," he recalled Jesus as saying. "They that worship Him must worship in spirit and in truth."
"God is a spirit," he remembered Jesus saying. "Those who worship Him must worship in spirit and in truth."
"You will find yourself suddenly well," thought Eugene. "Sorrow is turned into joy."
"You'll suddenly feel great," thought Eugene. "Sorrow has turned into joy."
[Pg 694] "Sorrow. What kind of sorrow? Love sorrow? This probably meant the end of earthly love; that that too was mortal."
[Pg 694] "Sorrow. What kind of sorrow? Heartbreak? This probably meant the end of earthly love; that it too was temporary."
He read on, discovering that Scientists believed in the immaculate conception of the Virgin Mary, which struck him as silly; also that they believed in the ultimate abolition of marriage as representing a mortal illusion of self-creation and perpetuation, and of course the having of children through the agency of the sexes, also the dematerialization of the body—its chemicalization into its native spirituality, wherein there can be neither sin, sickness, disease, decay nor death, were a part of their belief or understanding. It seemed to him to be a wild claim, and yet at the time, because of his natural metaphysical turn, it accorded with his sense of the mystery of life.
He kept reading, finding out that scientists believed in the virgin birth of Mary, which seemed ridiculous to him; they also thought that marriage would eventually be abolished because it was just a temporary illusion of self-creation and perpetuation, and that having children through sexual reproduction, along with the idea of the body dematerializing—turning into pure spirit where there’s no sin, illness, disease, decay, or death—were part of their beliefs or understanding. It struck him as an outrageous idea, yet at that moment, because of his natural inclination toward metaphysics, it resonated with his deep sense of life's mysteries.
It should be remembered as a factor in this reading that Eugene was particularly fitted by temperament—introspective, imaginative, psychical—and by a momentarily despairing attitude, in which any straw was worth grasping at which promised relief from sorrow, despair and defeat, to make a study of this apparently radical theory of human existence. He had heard a great deal of Christian Science, seeing its churches built, its adherents multiplying, particularly in New York, and enthusiastically claiming freedom from every human ill. Idle, without entertainment or diversion and intensely introspective, it was natural that these curious statements should arrest him.
It should be remembered in this reading that Eugene was especially suited by his nature—thoughtful, creative, and sensitive—and by a temporarily hopeless attitude, where any option that promised relief from pain, despair, and defeat seemed worth considering, to explore this seemingly radical theory of human existence. He had heard a lot about Christian Science, noticing its churches being built and its followers growing, especially in New York, enthusiastically claiming freedom from every human ailment. With nothing to do and feeling deeply reflective, it was natural for these intriguing claims to catch his attention.
He was not unaware, also, from past reading and scientific speculation, that Carlyle had once said that "matter itself—the outer world of matter, was either nothing, or else a product due to man's mind" (Carlyle's Journal, from Froude's Life of Carlyle), and that Kant had held the whole universe to be something in the eye or mind—neither more nor less than a thought. Marcus Aurelius, he recalled, had said somewhere in his meditations that the soul of the universe was kind and merciful; that it had no evil in it, and was not harmed by evil. This latter thought stuck in his mind as peculiar because it was so diametrically opposed to his own feelings that the universe, the spirit of it that is, was subtle, cruel, crafty, and malicious. He wondered how a man who could come to be Emperor of Rome could have thought otherwise. Christ's Sermon on the Mount had always appealed to him as the lovely speculations of an idealist who had no real knowledge of life. Yet he had always wondered why "Lay not up for yourselves treasures upon earth, where moth and rust doth corrupt, and where thieves break through and steal" had thrilled him as something so beautiful that it must be true "For where your treasure is there will your [Pg 695] heart be also." Keats had said "beauty is truth—truth beauty," and still another "truth is what is."
He was also aware, from his past reading and scientific speculation, that Carlyle once said that "matter itself—the outer world of matter, was either nothing, or else a product due to man's mind" (Carlyle's Journal, from Froude's Life of Carlyle), and that Kant believed the entire universe is something existing only in the eye or mind—no more and no less than a thought. He remembered that Marcus Aurelius mentioned in his meditations that the soul of the universe was kind and merciful; that it held no evil, and was not affected by evil. This last idea struck him as odd because it clashed so much with his own belief that the universe, or its spirit, was subtle, cruel, crafty, and malicious. He wondered how someone who became Emperor of Rome could think differently. Christ's Sermon on the Mount had always resonated with him as beautiful thoughts from an idealist who didn't really understand life. Yet, he had always been puzzled why "Lay not up for yourselves treasures upon earth, where moth and rust doth corrupt, and where thieves break through and steal" moved him so deeply, as if it had to be true, "For where your treasure is there will your [Pg 695] heart be also." Keats had said "beauty is truth—truth beauty," and another had remarked that "truth is what is."
"And what is?" he had asked himself in answer to that.
"And what is?" he had asked himself in response to that.
"Beauty," was his reply to himself, for life at bottom, in spite of all its teeming terrors, was beautiful.
"Beauty," he thought to himself, because life, at its core, despite all its overwhelming fears, was beautiful.
Only those of a metaphysical or natural religious turn of mind would care to follow the slow process of attempted alteration, which took place during the series of months which followed Angela's departure for Racine, her return to New York at Myrtle's solicitation, the time she spent in the maternity hospital, whither she was escorted on her arrival by Eugene and after. These are the deeps of being which only the more able intellectually essay, but Eugene wandered in them far and wide. There were long talks with Myrtle and Bangs—arguments upon all phases of mortal thought, real and unreal, with which Angela's situation had nothing to do. Eugene frankly confessed that he did not love her—that he did not want to live with her. He insisted that he could scarcely live without Suzanne. There was the taking up and reading or re-reading of odd philosophic and religious volumes, for he had nothing else to do. He did not care at first to go and sit with Angela, sorry as he was for her. He read or re-read Kent's "History of the Hebrews"; Weiniger's "Sex and Character"; Carl Snyder's "The World Machine"; Muzzey's "Spiritual Heroes"; Johnston's translation of "Bhagavad Ghita"; Emerson's essay on the Oversoul, and Huxley's "Science and Hebrew Tradition" and "Science and Christian Tradition." He learned from these things some curious facts which relate to religion, which he had either not known before or forgotten, i.e., that the Jews were almost the only race or nation which developed a consecutive line of religious thinkers or prophets; that their ideal was first and last a single God or Divinity, tribal at first, but later on universal, whose scope and significance were widened until He embraced the whole universe—was, in fact, the Universe—a governing principle—one God, however, belief in whom, His power to heal, to build up and overthrow had never been relinquished.
Only those with a metaphysical or natural religious perspective would be interested in the slow process of change that took place over the months following Angela's departure for Racine, her return to New York at Myrtle's request, and the time she spent in the maternity hospital, where she was taken upon her arrival by Eugene and others. These are the depths of existence that only the more intellectually capable attempt to explore, but Eugene wandered through them extensively. He had long discussions with Myrtle and Bangs—debates on all aspects of human thought, both real and unreal, which had nothing to do with Angela's situation. Eugene openly admitted that he didn’t love her—that he didn’t want to live with her. He insisted that he could hardly live without Suzanne. He picked up and read or re-read various philosophical and religious texts, as he had little else to do. At first, he didn’t want to sit with Angela, even though he felt sorry for her. He read or re-read Kent's "History of the Hebrews"; Weiniger's "Sex and Character"; Carl Snyder's "The World Machine"; Muzzey's "Spiritual Heroes"; Johnston's translation of "Bhagavad Gita"; Emerson's essay on the Oversoul, and Huxley's "Science and Hebrew Tradition" and "Science and Christian Tradition." From these works, he discovered some intriguing facts about religion that he either hadn’t known before or had forgotten, like that the Jews were almost the only race or nation to develop a continuous line of religious thinkers or prophets; that their ideal was initially and ultimately a single God or divinity—tribal at first, but later universal—whose reach and meaning expanded until He encompassed the entire universe—was, in fact, the Universe—a governing principle—one God, in whom belief, along with His power to heal, to build up, and to overthrow, had never been abandoned.
The Old Testament was full of that. Was that. The old prophets, he learned to his astonishment, were little more than whirling dervishes when they are first encountered historically, working themselves up into wild transports and frenzies, lying on the ground and writhing, cutting themselves as the Persian zealots do to this day in their feast of the tenth month and resorting to the most curious devices for nurturing their fanatic spirit, but always setting forth something that was astonishingly [Pg 696] spiritual and great. They usually frequented the holy places and were to be distinguished by their wild looks and queer clothing. Isaiah eschewed clothing for three years (Is. 22, 21); Jeremiah appeared in the streets of the capital (according to Muzzey) with a wooden yoke on his neck, saying, "Thus shalt Juda's neck be bent under bondage to the Babylonian" (Jer. 27; 2 ff); Zedekiah came to King Ahab, wearing horns of iron like a steer, and saying, "Thus shalt thou push the Syrians" (1 Kings 22, 11). The prophet was called mad because he acted like a madman. Elisha dashed in on the gruff captain, Jehu, in his camp and broke a vial of oil on his head, saying, "Thus saith the Lord God of Israel, I have made thee king over the people of the Lord"; then he opened the door and fled. Somehow, though these things seemed wild, yet they accorded with Eugene's sense of prophecy. They were not cheap but great—wildly dramatic, like the word of a Lord God might be. Another thing that fascinated him was to find that the evolutionary hypothesis did not after all shut out a conception of a ruling, ordaining Divinity, as he had supposed, for he came across several things in the papers which, now that he was thinking about this so keenly, held him spellbound. One was quoted from a biological work by a man named George M. Gould, and read:
The Old Testament had a lot of that. Was that. The old prophets, he learned to his surprise, were pretty much like whirling dervishes when you first look at them historically, working themselves up into wild states and frenzies, lying on the ground and writhing, cutting themselves like the Persian zealots do even today during their feast of the tenth month, and using all sorts of strange methods to fuel their passionate spirit, but they always communicated something that was astonishingly spiritual and profound. They usually hung out at holy places and could be recognized by their wild appearance and odd clothing. Isaiah went without clothes for three years (Is. 22, 21); Jeremiah walked through the streets of the capital (according to Muzzey) with a wooden yoke on his neck, saying, "This is how Judah's neck will be bent under bondage to the Babylonians" (Jer. 27; 2 ff); Zedekiah approached King Ahab, wearing iron horns like a bull, and said, "This is how you will push the Syrians" (1 Kings 22, 11). The prophet was called crazy because he behaved like a madman. Elisha burst into the camp of the stern captain, Jehu, and poured a vial of oil on his head, saying, "This is what the Lord God of Israel says, I have made you king over the people of the Lord"; then he opened the door and ran away. Somehow, even though these actions seemed wild, they resonated with Eugene's understanding of prophecy. They weren't trivial but significant—wildly dramatic, like how the word of a Lord God might be. Another thing that intrigued him was realizing that the evolutionary hypothesis didn’t actually exclude the idea of a ruling, ordaining Divinity, as he had thought, because he came across several things in the papers that captivated him now that he was thinking about this so intensely. One was cited from a biological work by a man named George M. Gould, and read:
"Life reaches control of physical forces by the cell-mechanism, and, so far as we know, by it solely." From reading Mrs. Eddy and arguing with Bangs, Eugene was not prepared to admit this, but he was fascinated to see how it led ultimately to an acknowledgment of an active Divinity which shapes our ends. "No organic molecule shows any evidence of intellect, design or purpose. It is the product solely of mathematically determinate and invariable physical forces. Life becomes conscious of itself through specialized cellular activity, and human personality, therefore, can only be a unity of greater differentiations of function, a higher and fuller incarnation than the single cell incarnation. Life, or God, is in the cell.... (And everywhere outside of it, quite as active and more so, perhaps, Eugene reserved mentally.) The cell's intelligence is His. (From reading Mrs. Eddy, Eugene could not quite agree with this. According to her, it was an illusion.) The human personality is also at last Himself and only Himself.... If you wish to say 'Biologos' or God instead of Life, I heartily agree, and we are face to face with the sublime fact of biology. The cell is God's instrument and mediator in materiality; it is the mechanism of incarnation, the word made flesh and dwelling among us."
"Life controls physical forces through the cell mechanism, and, as far as we know, that's the only way. From reading Mrs. Eddy and debating with Bangs, Eugene wasn't ready to accept this, but he was intrigued by how it eventually led to recognizing an active Divinity that shapes our destiny. "No organic molecule shows any sign of intellect, design, or purpose. It is solely the result of mathematically determined and constant physical forces. Life becomes aware of itself through specialized cellular activity; therefore, human personality can only be a unity of more complex functions, a higher and fuller embodiment than that of a single cell. Life, or God, is in the cell... (And everywhere outside it, just as active and possibly even more so, Eugene mentally reserved.) The cell's intelligence is His. (From reading Mrs. Eddy, Eugene couldn't fully agree with this. According to her, it was an illusion.) The human personality is ultimately Him and only Him... If you prefer to say 'Biologos' or God instead of Life, I completely agree, and we are confronted with the profound truth of biology. The cell is God's tool and mediator in the physical world; it is the mechanism of incarnation, the word made flesh and living among us."
[Pg 697] The other was a quotation in a Sunday newspaper from some man who appeared to be a working physicist of the time—Edgar Lucien Larkin:
[Pg 697] The other was a quote in a Sunday newspaper from a guy who seemed to be an active physicist of the era—Edgar Lucien Larkin:
"With the discovery and recent perfection of the new ultra-violet light microscope and the companion apparatus, the microphotographic camera, with rapidly moving, sensitive films, it seems that the extreme limit of vision of the human eye has been reached. Inorganic and organic particles have been seen, and these so minute that (the smallest) objects visible in the most powerful old-style instruments are as huge chunks in comparison. An active microscopic universe as wonderful as the sidereal universe, the stellar structure, has been revealed. This complexity actually exists; but exploration has scarcely commenced. Within a hundred years, devoted to this research, the micro-universe may be partially understood. Laws of micro-movements may be detected and published in textbooks like those of the gigantic universe suns and their concentric planets and moons. I cannot look into these minute moving and living deeps without instantly believing that they are mental—every motion is controlled by mind. The longer I look at the amazing things, the deeper is this conviction. This micro-universe is rooted and grounded in a mental base. Positively and without hope of overthrow, this assertion is made—the flying particles know where to go. Coarse particles, those visible in old-time microscopes, when suspended in liquids, were observed to be in rapid motion, darting to all geometrical directions with high speed. But the ultra-violet microscope reveals moving trillions of far smaller bodies, and these rush on geometric lines and cutout angles with the most incredible speed, specific for each kind and type."
"With the discovery and recent improvement of the new ultraviolet light microscope and the accompanying equipment, the microphotographic camera with fast, sensitive films, it seems we've reached the limit of what the human eye can see. We can observe inorganic and organic particles that are so tiny that the smallest objects visible with the most powerful old-fashioned instruments appear massive by comparison. An active microscopic universe as fascinating as the starry universe has been uncovered. This complexity truly exists, but exploration has only just begun. In a hundred years dedicated to this research, we might partially understand this micro-universe. Laws of micro-movements could be identified and documented in textbooks similar to those covering the vast universe of suns, planets, and moons. When I look into these tiny moving and living depths, I can't help but believe it’s all driven by mind—every motion seems to have a mental influence. The more I observe these astonishing phenomena, the stronger this belief becomes. This micro-universe is fundamentally rooted in a mental foundation. Without a doubt, I assert that these flying particles know their paths. Coarse particles, visible in older microscopes, when suspended in liquids, were seen moving quickly in all directions. But the ultraviolet microscope reveals trillions of much smaller bodies that dart along geometric paths and cut angles at an incredible speed, specific to each kind and type."
What were the angles? Eugene asked himself. Who made them? Who or what arranged the geometric lines? The "Divine Mind" of Mrs. Eddy? Had this woman really found the truth? He pondered this, reading on, and then one day in a paper he came upon this reflection in regard to the universe and its government by Alfred Russel Wallace, which interested him as a proof that there might be, as Jesus said and as Mrs. Eddy contended, a Divine Mind or central thought in which there was no evil intent, but only good. The quotation was: "Life is that power which, from air and water and the substances dissolved therein, builds up organized and highly complex structures possessing definite forms and functions; these are presented in a continuous state of decay and repair by internal circulation of fluids and gases; they reproduce their like, go through various phases of [Pg 698] youth, maturity and age, die and quickly decompose into their constituent elements. They thus form continuous series of similar individuals and so long as external conditions render their existence possible seem to possess a potential immortality.
What were the angles? Eugene asked himself. Who created them? Who or what set the geometric lines? Was it the "Divine Mind" of Mrs. Eddy? Had she truly discovered the truth? He thought about this while reading, and then one day he found a quote in a newspaper about the universe and its governance by Alfred Russel Wallace, which caught his interest as evidence that there could be, as Jesus said and as Mrs. Eddy claimed, a Divine Mind or central thought that had no evil intentions, only good. The quote read: "Life is that power which, from air and water and the substances dissolved therein, builds up organized and highly complex structures possessing definite forms and functions; these are presented in a continuous state of decay and repair by internal circulation of fluids and gases; they reproduce their like, go through various phases of [Pg 698] youth, maturity and age, die and quickly decompose into their constituent elements. They thus form continuous series of similar individuals and so long as external conditions render their existence possible seem to possess a potential immortality.
"It is very necessary to presuppose some vast intelligence, some pervading spirit, to explain the guidance of the lower forces in accordance with the preordained system of evolution we see prevailing. Nothing less will do....
"It is essential to assume some great intelligence, some all-encompassing spirit, to explain how the lower forces are directed according to the established system of evolution we observe. Nothing less will suffice..."
"If, however, we go as far as this, we must go further.... We have a perfect right, on logical and scientific grounds, to see in all the infinitely varied products of the animal and vegetable kingdoms, which we alone can make use of, a preparation for ourselves, to assist in our mental development, and to fit us for a progressively higher state of existence as spiritual beings.
"If we go this far, we have to go further... We have every right, based on logic and science, to view all the countless products of the animal and plant kingdoms, which we alone can utilize, as a preparation for ourselves, aiding in our mental growth and preparing us for a progressively higher state of existence as spiritual beings."
"...It seems only logical to assume that the vast, the infinite chasm between ourselves and the Deity, is to some extent occupied by an almost infinite series of grades of beings, each successive grade having higher and higher powers in regard to the origination, the development and the control of the universe.
"...It seems only logical to assume that the vast, the infinite chasm between us and the Deity is, to some extent, filled with an almost infinite series of levels of beings, each higher level possessing greater powers related to the creation, development, and control of the universe."
"...There may have been a vast system of co-operation of such grades of beings, from a very high grade of power and intelligence down to those unconscious or almost unconscious cell souls posited by Haeckel....
"...There may have been a huge system of cooperation among various levels of beings, from those with a very high degree of power and intelligence down to the unconscious or nearly unconscious cell souls suggested by Haeckel...."
"I can imagine the ... Infinite Being, foreseeing and determining the broad outlines of a universe....
I can imagine the ... Infinite Being, seeing and deciding the major features of a universe....
"He might, for instance, impress a sufficient number of his highest angels to create by their will power the primal universe of ether, with all those inherent properties and forces necessary for what was to follow. Using this as a vehicle, the next subordinate association of angels would so act upon the ether as to develop from it, in suitable masses and at suitable distances, the various elements of matter, which, under the influence of such laws and forces as gravitation, heat, and electricity, would thenceforth begin to form those vast systems of nebulæ and suns which constitute our stellar universe.
"He might, for example, convince enough of his top angels to use their willpower to create the original universe of ether, along with all the essential properties and forces it would need for what was to come. With that as a foundation, the next group of angels would then interact with the ether to develop, in appropriate amounts and at the right distances, the different elements of matter. Under the influence of laws and forces like gravity, heat, and electricity, these elements would then start to form the huge systems of nebulae and stars that make up our stellar universe."
"Then we may imagine these hosts of angels, to whom a thousand years are as one day, watching the development of this vast system of suns and planets until some one or more of them combined in itself all those conditions of size, of elementary constitution, of atmosphere, of mass of water and requisite distance from its source of heat as to insure a stability of constitution and uniformity of temperature for a given minimum of millions of years, or of ages, as would be required for the full development [Pg 699] of a life world from amœba to man, with a surplus of a few hundreds of millions for his adequate development.
"Then we can picture these hosts of angels, for whom a thousand years is like a single day, observing the evolution of this vast system of suns and planets until one or more of them meets all the necessary conditions of size, elemental makeup, atmosphere, amount of water, and the right distance from its heat source to ensure stability and a consistent temperature for millions of years—enough time for the complete development of a life world from amoeba to human, with a few hundred million extra years for proper development. [Pg 699]"
"We are led, therefore, to postulate a body of what we may term organizing spirits, who would be charged with the duty of so influencing the myriads of cell souls as to carry out their part of the work with accuracy and certainty....
"We are led, therefore, to assume a group of what we can call organizing spirits, who would be responsible for influencing the countless cell souls to carry out their part of the work accurately and reliably...."
"At successive stages of the development of the life world, more and perhaps higher intelligences might be required to direct the main lines of variation in definite directions, in accordance with the general design to be worked out, and to guard against a break in the particular line, which alone could lead ultimately to the production of the human form.
"At various stages in the development of the world, more advanced intelligences might be needed to guide the main paths of change in specific directions, in line with the overall plan that needs to be fulfilled, and to prevent any disruptions in that particular path, which is the only way to ultimately produce the human form."
"This speculative suggestion, I venture to hope, will appeal to some of my readers as the very best approximation we are now able to formulate as to the deeper, the most fundamental causes of matter and force of life and consciousness, and of man himself, at his best, already a little lower than the angels, and, like them, destined to a permanent progressive existence in a world of spirit."
"This speculative suggestion, I hope, will resonate with some of my readers as the closest understanding we can currently reach regarding the deeper, most fundamental causes of matter, the forces of life and consciousness, and of humanity itself, already a bit lower than the angels and, like them, destined for a lasting, progressive existence in a spiritual realm."
This very peculiar and apparently progressive statement in regard to the conclusion which naturalistic science had revealed in regard to the universe struck Eugene as pretty fair confirmation of Mrs. Eddy's contention that all was mind and its infinite variety and that the only difference between her and the British scientific naturalists was that they contended for an ordered hierarchy which could only rule and manifest itself according to its own ordered or self-imposed laws, which they could perceive or detect, whereas, she contended for a governing spirit which was everywhere and would act through ordered laws and powers of its own arrangement. God was a principle like a rule in mathematics—two times two is four, for instance—and was as manifest daily and hourly and momentarily in a hall bedroom as in the circling motions of suns and systems. God was a principle. He grasped that now. A principle could be and was of course anywhere and everywhere at one and the same time. One could not imagine a place for instance where two times two would not be four, or where that rule would not be. So, likewise with the omnipotent, omniscient, omnipresent mind of God.
This very strange and seemingly progressive statement about the conclusions that naturalistic science had revealed concerning the universe struck Eugene as pretty solid support for Mrs. Eddy's claim that everything was mind and its endless variety. The only difference between her and the British scientific naturalists was that they argued for an ordered hierarchy that could only govern and express itself according to its own organized or self-imposed laws, which they could perceive or detect. In contrast, she argued for a governing spirit that was everywhere and would operate through ordered laws and powers of its own design. God was a principle, like a rule in math—two times two is four, for example—and was just as evident in a small bedroom as in the orbiting motions of suns and systems. God was a principle. He understood that now. A principle could be, and was, of course, anywhere and everywhere at the same time. One couldn’t imagine a place, for instance, where two times two wouldn’t be four, or where that rule wouldn’t apply. Likewise, the all-powerful, all-knowing, and all-present mind of God.
CHAPTER XXVI
The most dangerous thing to possess a man to the extent of dominating him is an idea. It can and does ride him to destruction. Eugene's idea of the perfection of eighteen was one of the most dangerous things in his nature. In a way, combined with the inability of Angela to command his interest and loyalty, it had been his undoing up to this date. A religious idea followed in a narrow sense would have diverted this other, but it also might have destroyed him, if he had been able to follow it. Fortunately the theory he was now interesting himself in was not a narrow dogmatic one in any sense, but religion in its large aspects, a comprehensive resumé and spiritual co-ordination of the metaphysical speculation of the time, which was worthy of anyone's intelligent inquiry. Christian Science as a cult or religion was shunned by current religions and religionists as something outré, impossible, uncanny—as necromancy, imagination, hypnotism, mesmerism, spiritism—everything, in short, that it was not, and little, if anything, that it really was. Mrs. Eddy had formulated or rather restated a fact that was to be found in the sacred writings of India; in the Hebrew testaments, old and new; in Socrates, Marcus Aurelius, St. Augustine, Emerson, and Carlyle. The one variation notable between her and the moderns was that her ruling unity was not malicious, as Eugene and many others fancied, but helpful. Her unity was a unity of love. God was everything but the father of evil, which according to her was an illusion—neither fact nor substance—sound and fury, signifying nothing.
The most dangerous thing that can take control of a man and dominate him is an idea. It can lead him to destruction. Eugene's belief in the perfection of eighteen was one of the most perilous aspects of his character. Combined with Angela's inability to capture his interest and loyalty, it had driven his downfall up to that point. A religious idea, followed in a strict sense, could have diverted him from this belief, but it also might have ruined him if he had pursued it. Luckily, the idea he was currently exploring wasn’t a narrow dogmatic one at all; rather, it was religion in its broadest sense—a comprehensive overview and spiritual synthesis of the metaphysical thoughts of the time that deserved anyone's serious inquiry. Christian Science, as a movement or religion, was dismissed by mainstream religions and religious followers as something bizarre, impossible, and strange—compared to necromancy, imagination, hypnotism, mesmerism, spiritism—essentially everything it was not, and very little of what it actually was. Mrs. Eddy had articulated, or rather rephrased, a truth found in the sacred texts of India; in the Hebrew scriptures, both old and new; in Socrates, Marcus Aurelius, St. Augustine, Emerson, and Carlyle. The main difference between her and modern thinkers was that her concept of ruling unity was not malevolent, as Eugene and many others believed, but rather supportive. Her unity was grounded in love. God was everything except the source of evil, which she claimed was an illusion—neither a fact nor a tangible presence—just noise and chaos, signifying nothing.
It must be remembered that during all the time Eugene was doing this painful and religious speculation he was living in the extreme northern portion of the city, working desultorily at some paintings which he thought he might sell, visiting Angela occasionally, safely hidden away in the maternity hospital at One Hundred and Tenth Street, thinking hourly and momentarily of Suzanne, and wondering if, by any chance, he should ever see her any more. His mind had been so inflamed by the beauty and the disposition of this girl that he was really not normal any longer. He needed some shock, some catastrophe greater than any he had previously experienced to bring him to his senses. The loss of his position had done something. The loss of Suzanne had only heightened his affection for her. The [Pg 701] condition of Angela had given him pause, for it was an interesting question what would become of her. "If she would only die!" he said to himself, for we have the happy faculty of hating most joyously on this earth the thing we have wronged the most. He could scarcely go and see her, so obsessed was he with the idea that she was a handicap to his career. The idea of her introducing a child into his life only made him savage. Now, if she should die, he would have the child to care for and Suzanne, because of it, might never come to him.
It’s important to remember that while Eugene was engaged in this painful and intense reflection, he was living in the far north side of the city, working sporadically on some paintings he thought he could sell, visiting Angela here and there, who was safely hidden away in the maternity hospital on One Hundred and Tenth Street, constantly thinking about Suzanne and wondering if he would ever see her again. He had become so consumed by the beauty and personality of this girl that he was no longer himself. He needed a jolt, a catastrophe greater than anything he had faced before to bring him back to reality. Losing his job had affected him, but losing Suzanne had only made his love for her stronger. The situation with Angela made him pause, as it raised interesting questions about her future. “If only she would die!” he thought, since we often find ourselves hating most intensely the thing we have wronged the most. He could hardly bring himself to visit her, so fixated was he on the belief that she was a burden to his career. The thought of her bringing a child into his life only fueled his anger. If she were to die, he would be left with the child to care for, and because of that, Suzanne might never come back to him.
His one idea at this time was not to be observed too much, or rather not at all, for he considered himself to be in great disfavor, and only likely to do himself injury by a public appearance—a fact which was more in his own mind than anywhere else. If he had not believed it, it would not have been true. For this reason he had selected this quiet neighborhood where the line of current city traffic was as nothing, for here he could brood in peace. The family that he lived with knew nothing about him. Winter was setting in. Because of the cold and snow and high winds, he was not likely to see many people hereabouts—particularly those celebrities who had known him in the past. There was a great deal of correspondence that followed him from his old address, for his name had been used on many committees, he was in "Who's Who," and he had many friends less distinguished than those whose companionship would have required the expenditure of much money who would have been glad to look him up. He ignored all invitations, however; refused to indicate by return mail where he was for the present; walked largely at night; read, painted, or sat and brooded during the day. He was thinking all the time of Suzanne and how disastrously fate had trapped him apparently through her. He was thinking that she might come back, that she ought. Lovely, hurtful pictures came to him of re-encounters with her in which she would rush into his arms, never to part, from him any more. Angela, in her room at the hospital, received little thought from him. She was there. She was receiving expert medical attention. He was paying all the bills. Her serious time had not yet really come. Myrtle was seeing her. He caught glimpses of himself at times as a cruel, hard intellect driving the most serviceable thing his life had known from him with blows, but somehow it seemed justifiable. Angela was not suited to him. Why could she not live away from him? Christian Science set aside marriage entirely as a human illusion, conflicting with the indestructible unity of the individual with God. Why shouldn't she let him go?
His main thought at the moment was to avoid being noticed, or better yet, not to be seen at all. He felt he was quite unpopular and believed that showing himself in public would only lead to more harm—something that was more about his own mindset than reality. If he hadn’t believed it, it wouldn’t have felt true. That’s why he chose this quiet neighborhood, where the usual city traffic was barely noticeable; here he could think deeply without interruption. The family he was living with had no idea about him. Winter was approaching. Because of the cold, snow, and strong winds, he wasn’t likely to encounter many people around here—especially not those famous individuals who had known him before. He received a lot of mail from his old address, since his name had appeared on many committees, he was in "Who's Who," and he had several friends who weren't as notable but still would have loved to reconnect. He ignored all the invitations, however; he didn’t respond to anyone asking for his current location; he mainly walked at night, read, painted, or stayed lost in thought during the day. His mind was constantly occupied with thoughts of Suzanne and how fate seemed to have trapped him through her. He imagined that she might return, that she should. He had beautiful yet painful daydreams of their reunion, where she would run into his arms and never leave again. Angela, who was in the hospital, barely crossed his mind. She was there, receiving professional medical care, and he was taking care of all the expenses. Her serious situation hadn't fully arrived yet. Myrtle was visiting her. Sometimes he saw himself as a callous, harsh thinker who was driving away the most useful thing in his life with harshness, yet it somehow felt justified. Angela just wasn't right for him. Why couldn’t she live separately from him? Christian Science dismissed marriage altogether as a human illusion, in conflict with the unbreakable connection between the individual and God. Why shouldn’t she let him go?
[Pg 702] He wrote poems to Suzanne, and read much poetry that he found in an old trunkful of books in the house where he was living. He would read again and again the sonnet beginning, "When in disgrace with fortune and men's eyes"—that cry out of a darkness that seemed to be like his own. He bought a book of verse by Yeats, and seemed to hear his own voice saying of Suzanne,
[Pg 702] He wrote poems for Suzanne and read a lot of poetry he discovered in an old trunk full of books at the place he was staying. He would repeatedly go back to the sonnet that starts with, "When in disgrace with fortune and men's eyes"—that echoed a darkness that felt similar to his own. He bought a book of poems by Yeats and seemed to hear his own voice speaking of Suzanne,
With sadness ...
He was not quite as bad as he was when he had broken down eight years before, but he was very bad. His mind was once more riveted upon the uncertainty of life, its changes, its follies. He was studying those things only which deal with the abstrusities of nature, and this began to breed again a morbid fear of life itself. Myrtle was greatly distressed about him. She worried lest he might lose his mind.
He wasn’t as bad as he had been when he had a breakdown eight years ago, but he was still in a rough place. His thoughts were once again fixated on the uncertainties of life, its ups and downs, and its foolishness. He focused only on matters that dealt with the complexities of nature, and this was starting to spark a deep-seated fear of life itself again. Myrtle was really worried about him. She feared he might lose his mind.
"Why don't you go to see a practitioner, Eugene?" she begged of him one day. "You will get help—really you will. You think you won't, but you will. There is something about them—I don't know what. They are spiritually at rest. You will feel better. Do go."
"Why don't you go see a therapist, Eugene?" she urged him one day. "You'll get help—really, you will. You think you won't, but you will. There's something about them—I can't quite explain it. They seem at peace. You'll feel better. Please go."
"Oh, why do you bother me, Myrtle? Please don't. I don't want to go. I think there is something in the idea metaphysically speaking, but why should I go to a practitioner? God is as near me as He is anyone, if there is a God."
"Oh, why are you bothering me, Myrtle? Please don't. I don't want to go. I think there’s something to the idea, metaphysically speaking, but why should I see a practitioner? God is as close to me as He is to anyone, if there is a God."
Myrtle wrung her hands, and because she felt so badly more than anything else, he finally decided to go. There might be something hypnotic or physically contagious about these people—some old alchemy of the mortal body, which could reach and soothe him. He believed in hypnotism, hypnotic suggestion, etc. He finally called up one practitioner, an old lady highly recommended by Myrtle and others, who lived farther south on Broadway, somewhere in the neighborhood of Myrtle's home. Mrs. Althea Johns was her name—a woman who had performed wonderful cures. Why should he, Eugene Witla, he asked himself as he took up the receiver, why should he, Eugene Witla, ex-managing publisher of the United Magazines Corporation, ex-artist (in a way, he felt that he was no longer an artist in the best sense) be going to a woman in Christian Science to be healed of what? Gloom? Yes. Failure? Yes. Heartache? Yes. His evil tendencies in regard to women, such as the stranger who had sat beside him had testified to? Yes. How strange! And yet he was curious. It interested him a little to [Pg 703] speculate as to whether this could really be done. Could he be healed of failure? Could this pain of longing be made to cease? Did he want it to cease? No; certainly not! He wanted Suzanne. Myrtle's idea, he knew, was that somehow this treatment would reunite him and Angela and make him forget Suzanne, but he knew that could not be. He was going, but he was going because he was unhappy and idle and aimless. He was going because he really did not know what else to do.
Myrtle twisted her hands, and because she felt so terrible more than anything else, he finally decided to go. There might be something hypnotic or physically contagious about these people—some ancient magic of the human body that could reach and comfort him. He believed in hypnotism, hypnotic suggestion, and so on. He eventually called up one practitioner, an old woman highly recommended by Myrtle and others, who lived further south on Broadway, somewhere in the area of Myrtle's home. Mrs. Althea Johns was her name—a woman who had performed amazing cures. Why should he, Eugene Witla, he asked himself as he picked up the phone, why should he, Eugene Witla, former managing publisher of the United Magazines Corporation, former artist (in a way, he felt that he was no longer an artist in the best sense), be going to a woman in Christian Science to be healed of what? Sadness? Yes. Failure? Yes. Heartache? Yes. His bad habits regarding women, such as the stranger who had sat next to him had pointed out? Yes. How strange! And yet he was curious. It intrigued him a bit to [Pg 703] wonder whether this could really be done. Could he be healed of failure? Could this pain of longing be made to stop? Did he want it to stop? No; definitely not! He wanted Suzanne. Myrtle's idea, he knew, was that somehow this treatment would bring him and Angela back together and make him forget Suzanne, but he knew that wouldn't happen. He was going, but he was going because he was unhappy and unoccupied and aimless. He was going because he honestly didn’t know what else to do.
The apartment of Mrs. Johns—Mrs. Althea Johns—was in an apartment house of conventional design, of which there were in New York hundreds upon hundreds at the time. There was a spacious areaway between two wings of cream-colored pressed brick leading back to an entrance way which was protected by a handsome wrought-iron door on either side of which was placed an electric lamp support of handsome design, holding lovely cream-colored globes, shedding a soft lustre. Inside was the usual lobby, elevator, uniformed negro elevator man, indifferent and impertinent, and the telephone switchboard. The building was seven storeys high. Eugene went one snowy, blustery January night. The great wet flakes were spinning in huge whirls and the streets were covered with a soft, slushy carpet of snow. He was interested, as usual, in spite of his gloom, in the picture of beauty the world presented—the city wrapped in a handsome mantle of white. Here were cars rumbling, people hunched in great coats facing the driving wind. He liked the snow, the flakes, this wonder of material living. It eased his mind of his misery and made him think of painting again. Mrs. Johns was on the seventh floor. Eugene knocked and was admitted by a maid. He was shown to a waiting room, for he was a little ahead of his time, and there were others—healthy-looking men and women, who did not appear to have an ache or pain—ahead of him. Was not this a sign, he thought as he sat down, that this was something which dealt with imaginary ills? Then why had the man he had heard in the church beside him testified so forcibly and sincerely to his healing? Well, he would wait and see. He did not see what it could do for him now. He had to work. He sat there in one corner, his hands folded and braced under his chin, thinking. The room was not artistic but rather nondescript, the furniture cheap or rather tasteless in design. Didn't Divine Mind know any better than to present its representatives in such a guise as this? Could a person called to assist in representing the majesty of God on earth be left so unintelligent artistically as to live in a house like [Pg 704] this? Surely this was a poor manifestation of Divinity, but——
The apartment of Mrs. Johns—Mrs. Althea Johns—was in a typical apartment building, of which there were countless ones in New York at that time. There was a spacious entryway between two wings of cream-colored brick leading back to an entrance that was protected by a beautiful wrought-iron door, flanked by stylish lamp posts holding lovely cream-colored globes that cast a soft glow. Inside was the usual lobby, an elevator, an indifferent and rude elevator operator, and a telephone switchboard. The building was seven stories high. Eugene arrived one snowy, windy January night. The large wet snowflakes were swirling in giant whirls, and the streets were covered with a soft, slushy layer of snow. He was intrigued, as usual, despite his gloom, by the beautiful sight the world presented—the city wrapped in a lovely white blanket. Cars were rumbling by, and people were bundled up in heavy coats against the biting wind. He enjoyed the snow, the flakes, this wonder of life. It lifted his spirits from his misery and made him think about painting again. Mrs. Johns was on the seventh floor. Eugene knocked and was let in by a maid. He was taken to a waiting room, as he had arrived a bit early, and there were others—healthy-looking men and women who seemed free of any ailments—before him. Wasn't this a sign, he thought as he sat down, that this was something dealing with imaginary problems? Then why had the man he heard in the church next to him spoken so passionately and sincerely about his healing? Well, he would wait and see. He didn't see how it could help him now. He had to work. He sat in one corner, his hands folded under his chin, deep in thought. The room wasn't artistic but rather bland, with cheap or tasteless furniture. Didn't Divine Mind know better than to present its representatives in such an unattractive way? Could someone called to represent the majesty of God on earth be so artlessly unfortunate as to live in a place like this? Surely this was a poor reflection of Divinity, but——
Mrs. Johns came—a short, stout, homely woman, gray, wrinkled, dowdy in her clothing, a small wen on one side of her mouth, a nose slightly too big to be pleasing—all mortal deficiencies as to appearance highly emphasized, and looking like an old print of Mrs. Micawber that he had seen somewhere. She had on a black skirt good as to material, but shapeless, commonplace, and a dark blue-gray waist. Her eye was clear and gray though, he noticed, and she had a pleasing smile.
Mrs. Johns entered—a short, stout, plain-looking woman with gray hair, wrinkles, and dowdy clothing. She had a small growth on one side of her mouth and a nose that was just a bit too large to be attractive—all human flaws in her appearance were very noticeable, and she resembled an old print of Mrs. Micawber that he had seen somewhere. She wore a black skirt that was decent in material but shapeless and ordinary, along with a dark blue-gray top. However, he did notice that her eyes were clear and gray, and she had a nice smile.
"This is Mr. Witla, I believe," she said, coming across the room to him, for he had got into a corner near the window, and speaking with an accent which sounded a little Scotch. "I'm so glad to see you. Won't you come in?" she said, giving him precedence over some others because of his appointment, and re-crossed the room preceding him down the hall to her practice room. She stood to one side to take his hand as he passed.
"This is Mr. Witla, right?" she said, walking across the room to him since he had settled into a corner by the window, speaking with a slight Scottish accent. "I'm really glad to see you. Would you like to come in?" she added, letting him go ahead of some others because of his appointment, and then walked down the hall to her practice room in front of him. She stepped to the side to shake his hand as he walked by.
He touched it gingerly.
He touched it carefully.
So this was Mrs. Johns, he thought, as he entered, looking about him. Bangs and Myrtle had insisted that she had performed wonderful cures—or rather that Divine Mind had, through her. Her hands were wrinkled, her face old. Why didn't she make herself young if she could perform these wonderful cures? Why was this room so mussy? It was actually stuffy with chromos and etchings of the Christ and Bible scenes on the walls, a cheap red carpet or rug on the floor, inartistic leather-covered chairs, a table or desk too full of books, a pale picture of Mrs. Eddy and silly mottoes of which he was sick and tired hung here and there. People were such hacks when it came to the art of living. How could they pretend to a sense of Divinity who knew nothing of life? He was weary and the room here offended him. Mrs. Johns did. Besides, her voice was slightly falsetto. Could she cure cancer? and consumption? and all other horrible human ills, as Myrtle insisted she had? He didn't believe it.
So this was Mrs. Johns, he thought, as he walked in, looking around. Bangs and Myrtle had claimed she worked miraculous cures—or, more accurately, that Divine Mind had, through her. Her hands were wrinkled, her face was aging. Why didn't she make herself young if she could really perform these amazing cures? Why was this room such a mess? It was actually stuffy with framed pictures and etchings of Christ and Bible scenes on the walls, a cheap red carpet on the floor, unartistic leather chairs, a table or desk overflowing with books, a pale picture of Mrs. Eddy, and silly mottos that he was sick and tired of hanging around. People were such amateurs when it came to living artfully. How could they claim to have a sense of Divinity while knowing nothing about life? He felt tired, and the room bothered him. So did Mrs. Johns. Plus, her voice was a bit high-pitched. Could she really cure cancer? And tuberculosis? And all those other terrible human ailments, as Myrtle insisted she could? He didn't believe it.
He sat down wearily and yet contentiously in the chair she pointed out to him and stared at her while she quietly seated herself opposite him looking at him with kindly, smiling eyes.
He sat down tired but still a bit stubborn in the chair she indicated and stared at her while she calmly took a seat across from him, looking at him with warm, smiling eyes.
"And now," she said easily, "what does God's child think is the matter with him?"
"And now," she said casually, "what does God's child think is wrong with him?"
Eugene stirred irritably.
Eugene fidgeted irritably.
"God's child," he thought; "what cant!" What right had he to claim to be a child of God? What was the use of beginning that way? It was silly, so asinine. Why not ask plainly what was the matter with him? Still he answered:
"God's child," he thought; "what nonsense!" What right did he have to call himself a child of God? What was the point of starting like that? It was ridiculous, so foolish. Why not just ask what was wrong with him? Still, he responded:
[Pg 705] "Oh, a number of things. So many that I am pretty sure they can never be remedied."
[Pg 705] "Oh, a lot of things. So many that I'm fairly certain they can't be fixed."
"As bad as that? Surely not. It is good to know, anyhow, that nothing is impossible to God. We can believe that, anyhow, can't we?" she replied, smiling. "You believe in God, or a ruling power, don't you?"
"Is it really that bad? I doubt it. It's comforting to know that nothing is impossible for God. We can believe that, right?" she said with a smile. "You believe in God, or some higher power, don't you?"
"I don't know whether I do or not. In the main, I guess I do. I'm sure I ought to. Yes, I guess I do."
"I don't know if I do or not. Overall, I think I do. I'm pretty sure I should. Yeah, I think I do."
"Is He a malicious God to you?"
"Is He a cruel God to you?"
"I have always thought so," he replied, thinking of Angela.
"I've always thought that," he replied, thinking about Angela.
"Mortal mind! Mortal mind!" she asseverated to herself. "What delusions will it not harbor!"
"Mortal mind! Mortal mind!" she insisted to herself. "What crazy ideas will it not hold on to!"
And then to him:
And then to him:
"One has to be cured almost against one's will to know that God is a God of love. So you believe you are sinful, do you, and that He is malicious? It is not necessary that you should tell me how. We are all alike in the mortal state. I would like to call your attention to Isaiah's words, 'Though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they be red like crimson, they shall be as wool.'"
"One has to be cured almost against their will to understand that God is a God of love. So you think you’re sinful, do you, and that He is unkind? You don’t need to explain how. We’re all the same in this mortal life. I want to point out Isaiah's words, 'Though your sins are like scarlet, they will be as white as snow; though they are red like crimson, they will be like wool.'"
Eugene had not heard this quotation for years. It was only a dim thing in his memory. It flashed out simply now and appealed, as had all these Hebraic bursts of prophetic imagery in the past. Mrs. Johns, for all her wen and her big nose and dowdy clothes, was a little better for having been able to quote this so aptly. It raised her in his estimation. It showed a vigorous mind, at least a tactful mind.
Eugene hadn't heard this quote in years. It was just a faint memory. It suddenly came to him now and resonated, like all those powerful Hebrew images from the past. Mrs. Johns, despite her skin condition, big nose, and plain clothes, seemed a bit better for being able to quote this so well. It lifted her in his opinion. It demonstrated a sharp mind, or at least a thoughtful one.
"Can you cure sorrow?" he asked grimly and with a touch of sarcasm in his voice. "Can you cure heartache or fear?"
"Can you fix sadness?" he asked seriously, with a hint of sarcasm in his voice. "Can you fix heartache or fear?"
"I can do nothing of myself," she said, perceiving his mood. "All things are possible to God, however. If you believe in a Supreme Intelligence, He will cure you. St. Paul says 'I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.' Have you read Mrs. Eddy's book?"
"I can't do anything on my own," she said, sensing his mood. "But with God, anything is possible. If you believe in a higher power, He can heal you. St. Paul says, 'I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.' Have you read Mrs. Eddy's book?"
"Most of it. I'm still reading it."
"Most of it. I'm still reading."
"Do you understand it?"
"Do you get it?"
"No, not quite. It seems a bundle of contradictions to me."
"No, not really. It feels like a bunch of contradictions to me."
"To those who are first coming into Science it nearly always seems so. But don't let that worry you. You would like to be cured of your troubles. St. Paul says, 'For the wisdom of this world is foolishness with God.' 'The Lord knoweth the thoughts of the wise—that they are vain.' Do not think of me as a woman, or as having had anything to do with this. I would [Pg 706] rather have you think of me as St. Paul describes anyone who works for truth—'Now then we are ambassadors for Christ, as though God did beseech you by us, we pray you in Christ's stead, be ye reconciled to God.'"
"To those who are just starting out in Science, it often seems that way. But don’t let that stress you out. You want to be free from your troubles. St. Paul says, 'For the wisdom of this world is foolishness with God.' 'The Lord knows the thoughts of the wise—that they are empty.' Don’t see me as just a woman, or as someone who has had any part in this. I would rather you think of me as St. Paul describes anyone who works for truth—'Now then we are ambassadors for Christ, as if God is making his appeal through us; we implore you on Christ's behalf, be reconciled to God.'"
"You know your Bible, don't you?" said Eugene.
"You know your Bible, right?" said Eugene.
"It is the only knowledge I have," she replied.
"It’s the only knowledge I have," she replied.
There followed one of those peculiar religious demonstrations so common in Christian Science—so peculiar to the uninitiated—in which she asked Eugene to fix his mind in meditation on the Lord's prayer. "Never mind if it seems pointless to you now. You have come here seeking aid. You are God's perfect image and likeness. He will not send you away empty-handed. Let me read you first, though, this one psalm, which I think is always so helpful to the beginner." She opened her Bible, which was on the table near her, and began:
There followed one of those unique religious practices often seen in Christian Science—so unusual for those who aren’t familiar with it—where she asked Eugene to focus his thoughts on the Lord's Prayer. "Don't worry if it feels pointless to you right now. You've come here looking for help. You are created in God's perfect image and likeness. He won’t send you away without giving you something. But first, let me read you this psalm, which I think is really helpful for beginners." She opened her Bible, which was on the table nearby, and began:
"He that dwelleth in the secret place of the most high shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty.
"Whoever lives in the secret place of the Most High will stay under the shadow of the Almighty."
"I will say of the Lord, He is my refuge and my fortress; my God; in him will I trust.
"I will say of the Lord, He is my shelter and my stronghold; my God; in Him I will trust."
"Surely he shall deliver thee from the snare of the fowler, and from the noisome pestilence.
"Surely he will rescue you from the trap of the hunter and from the deadly disease."
"He shall cover thee with his feathers, and under his wings shalt thou trust: his truth shall be thy shield and thy buckler.
"He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will take refuge: his faithfulness will be your shield and armor."
"Thou shalt not be afraid for the terror by night, nor for the arrow that flieth by day. Nor for the pestilence that walketh in the darkness; nor for destruction that wasteth at noonday.
"You shall not be afraid of the terror at night, nor of the arrow that flies during the day. Nor of the pestilence that walks in darkness; nor of the destruction that wastes at noon."
"A thousand shall fall at thy side, and ten thousand at thy right hand; but it shall not come nigh thee.
"A thousand may fall at your side, and ten thousand at your right hand; but it will not come near you."
"Only with thine eyes shalt thou behold and see the reward of the wicked.
"Only with your eyes will you see the reward of the wicked."
"Because thou hast made the Lord, which is my refuge, even the most High, thy habitation; There shall no evil befall thee, neither shall any plague come nigh thy dwelling.
"Because you have made the Lord, who is my refuge, even the Most High, your home; no evil will come upon you, nor will any plague come near your dwelling."
"For he shall give his angels charge over thee, to keep thee in all thy ways.
"For he will command his angels to watch over you and keep you safe in all your paths."
"They shall bear thee up in their hands, lest thou dash thy foot against a stone.
"They will lift you up in their hands so you won’t trip over a stone."
"Thou shalt tread upon the lion and the adder, the young lion and the dragon shalt thou trample under foot.
"You will tread upon the lion and the snake; you will trample the young lion and the dragon underfoot."
"Because he hath set his love upon me, therefore will I deliver him. I will set him on high, because he hath known my name.
"Because he has set his love on me, I will deliver him. I will elevate him because he knows my name."
"He shall call upon me, and I will answer him: I will be with him in trouble. I will deliver him and honor him.
"He will call on me, and I will answer him: I will be with him in times of trouble. I will rescue him and honor him."
[Pg 707] "With long life will I satisfy him, and show him my salvation."
[Pg 707] "I will give him a long life and show him my salvation."
During this most exquisite pronunciamento of Divine favor Eugene was sitting with his eyes closed, his thoughts wandering over all his recent ills. For the first time in years, he was trying to fix his mind upon an all-wise, omnipresent, omnipotent generosity. It was hard and he could not reconcile the beauty of this expression of Divine favor with the nature of the world as he knew it. What was the use of saying, "They shall bear thee up in their hands lest thou dash thy foot against a stone," when he had seen Angela and himself suffering so much recently? Wasn't he dwelling in the secret place of the Most High when he was alive? How could one get out of it? Still—— "Because he hath set his love on me—therefore will I deliver him." Was that the answer? Was Angela's love set on him? Was his own? Might not all their woes have sprung from that?
During this beautiful declaration of Divine favor, Eugene sat with his eyes closed, his thoughts drifting over all his recent troubles. For the first time in years, he was trying to focus on an all-knowing, everywhere-present, powerful generosity. It was difficult, and he couldn't connect the beauty of this expression of Divine favor with the reality of the world he knew. What was the point of saying, "They shall bear thee up in their hands lest thou dash thy foot against a stone," when he had seen Angela and himself suffering so much lately? Wasn't he dwelling in the shelter of the Most High while he was alive? How could one escape it? Still— "Because he hath set his love on me—therefore will I deliver him." Was that the answer? Was Angela's love directed at him? Was his own? Could all their troubles have come from that?
"He shall call upon me and I shall answer. I will deliver him in trouble. I will deliver him and honor him."
"He will call on me, and I will respond. I will rescue him in times of trouble. I will save him and honor him."
Had he ever really called on Him? Had Angela? Hadn't they been left in the slough of their own despond? Still Angela was not suited to him. Why did not God straighten that out? He didn't want to live with her.
Had he ever actually called on Him? Had Angela? Hadn't they been stuck in their own misery? Still, Angela wasn't right for him. Why didn’t God fix that? He didn’t want to live with her.
He wandered through this philosophically, critically, until Mrs. Johns stopped. What, he asked himself, if, in spite of all his doubts, this seeming clamor and reality and pain and care were an illusion? Angela was suffering. So were many other people. How could this thing be true? Did not these facts exclude the possibility of illusion? Could they possibly be a part of it?
He walked through this in a thoughtful, critical way until Mrs. Johns stopped. What if, despite all his doubts, this apparent noise, reality, pain, and worry were just an illusion? Angela was in pain. So were many others. How could this be real? Didn't these facts rule out the chance of it being an illusion? Could they somehow be part of it?
"Now we are going to try to realize that we are God's perfect children," she said, stopping and looking at him. "We think we are so big and strong and real. We are real enough, but only as a thought in God—that is all. No harm can happen to us there—no evil can come nigh us. For God is infinite, all power, all life. Truth, Love, over all, and all."
"Now we’re going to try to understand that we are God’s perfect children," she said, pausing and looking at him. "We think we’re so big and strong and real. We are real enough, but only as a thought in God—that’s all. No harm can come to us there—no evil can get close to us. For God is infinite, all power, all life. Truth, Love, above all, and everything."
She closed her eyes and began, as she said, to try to realize for him the perfectness of his spirit in God. Eugene sat there trying to think of the Lord's prayer, but in reality thinking of the room, the cheap prints, the homely furniture, her ugliness, the curiousness of his being there. He, Eugene Witla, being prayed for! What would Angela think? Why was this woman old, if spirit could do all these other things? Why didn't she make herself beautiful? What was it she was doing now? Was this hypnotism, mesmerism, she was practicing? He remembered [Pg 708] where Mrs. Eddy had especially said that these were not to be practiced—could not be in Science. No, she was no doubt sincere. She looked it—talked it. She believed in this beneficent spirit. Would it aid as the psalm said? Would it heal this ache? Would it make him not want Suzanne ever any more? Perhaps that was evil? Yes, no doubt it was. Still—— Perhaps he had better fix his mind on the Lord's Prayer. Divinity could aid him if it would. Certainly it could. No doubt of it. There was nothing impossible to this vast force ruling the universe. Look at the telephone, wireless telegraphy. How about the stars and sun? "He shall give his angels charge over thee."
She closed her eyes and began, as she said, to try to help him understand the perfection of his spirit in God. Eugene sat there trying to think of the Lord's Prayer, but really he was just thinking about the room, the cheap prints, the ordinary furniture, her unattractiveness, and how strange it was for him to be there. Him, Eugene Witla, being prayed for! What would Angela think? Why was this woman old if spirit could do all these other things? Why didn't she make herself beautiful? What was she doing now? Was this hypnotism or mesmerism she was practicing? He remembered [Pg 708] where Mrs. Eddy specifically said these were not to be practiced—couldn't be in Science. No, she was no doubt sincere. She looked it—she talked it. She believed in this helpful spirit. Would it help as the psalm said? Would it heal this ache? Would it make him not want Suzanne ever again? Perhaps that was wrong? Yes, it was probably wrong. Still—maybe he should focus on the Lord's Prayer. Divinity could help him if it would. Certainly it could. No doubt about it. There was nothing impossible for this vast force ruling the universe. Look at the telephone and wireless telegraphy. What about the stars and the sun? "He shall give his angels charge over thee."
"Now," said Mrs. Johns, after some fifteen minutes of silent meditation had passed and she opened her eyes smilingly—"we are going to see whether we are not going to be better. We are going to feel better, because we are going to do better, and because we are going to realize that nothing can hurt an idea in God. All the rest is illusions. It cannot hold us, for it is not real. Think good—God—and you are good. Think evil and you are evil, but it has no reality outside your own thought. Remember that." She talked to him as though he was a little child.
"Okay," Mrs. Johns said after about fifteen minutes of quiet reflection, opening her eyes with a smile. "Now, let’s see if we can improve ourselves. We’re going to feel better because we're going to act better, and because we’ll understand that nothing can harm an idea from God. Everything else is just illusions. It can’t hold us back because it’s not real. Think positive—God—and you’re good. Think negative, and you’re evil, but it has no reality outside of your own mind. Remember that." She spoke to him like he was a small child.
He went out into the snowy night where the wind was whirling the snow in picturesque whirls, buttoning his coat about him. The cars were running up Broadway as usual. Taxicabs were scuttling by. There were people forging their way through the snow, that ever-present company of a great city. There were arc lights burning clearly blue through the flying flakes. He wondered as he walked whether this would do him any good. Mrs. Eddy insisted that all these were unreal, he thought—that mortal mind had evolved something which was not in accord with spirit—mortal mind "a liar and the father of it," he recalled that quotation. Could it be so? Was evil unreal? Was misery only a belief? Could he come out of his sense of fear and shame and once more face the world? He boarded a car to go north. At Kingsbridge he made his way thoughtfully to his room. How could life ever be restored to him as it had been? He was really forty years of age. He sat down in his chair near his lamp and took up his book, "Science and Health," and opened it aimlessly. Then he thought for curiosity's sake he would see where he had opened it—what the particular page or paragraph his eye fell on had to say to him. He was still intensely superstitious. He looked, and here was this paragraph growing under his eyes:
He stepped out into the snowy night, where the wind was swirling the snow in beautiful patterns, buttoning his coat around him. Cars were driving up Broadway as usual. Taxis were rushing by. People were pushing their way through the snow, the ever-present crowd of a big city. Arc lights were shining a bright blue through the falling flakes. As he walked, he wondered if this experience would help him in any way. Mrs. Eddy insisted that all of this was unreal, he thought—that the mortal mind had created something that didn't align with the spirit—mortal mind "a liar and the father of it," he recalled that saying. Could it really be true? Was evil not real? Was misery just a belief? Could he break free from his feelings of fear and shame and once again face the world? He hopped on a train heading north. At Kingsbridge, he made his way thoughtfully to his room. How could he ever regain the life he used to have? He was actually forty years old. He sat down in his chair next to his lamp and picked up his book, "Science and Health," opening it without thinking. Then he thought, out of curiosity, he would see where he had opened it—what the specific page or paragraph his eyes landed on had to say to him. He was still very superstitious. He looked, and this paragraph appeared before him:
[Pg 709] "When mortal man blends his thoughts of existence with the spiritual, and works only as God works, he will no longer grope in the dark and cling to earth because he has not tasted heaven. Carnal beliefs defraud us. They make man an involuntary hypocrite—producing evil when he would create good, forming deformity when he would outline grace and beauty, injuring those whom he would bless. He becomes a general mis-creator, who believes he is a semi-God. His touch turns hope to dust, the dust we all have trod. He might say in Bible language, 'The good that I would, I do not, but evil, which I would not, I do.'"
[Pg 709] "When a person combines their thoughts about existence with the spiritual, and acts as God acts, they will no longer stumble in the dark and cling to the earth because they haven't experienced heaven. Physical beliefs deceive us. They make a person an unwilling hypocrite—creating harm when they intend to do good, causing ugliness when they aim for grace and beauty, hurting those they wish to help. They become a general mis-creator, thinking they are a kind of demi-god. Their touch turns hope into dust, the dust we all walk on. They might say in Biblical terms, 'The good that I want to do, I don't do, but the evil that I don't want to do, I do.'"
He closed the book and meditated. He wished he might realize this thing if this were so. Still he did not want to become a religionist—a religious enthusiast. How silly they were. He picked up his daily paper—the Evening Post—and there on an inside page quoted in an obscure corner was a passage from a poem by the late Francis Thompson, entitled "The Hound of Heaven." It began:
He closed the book and thought deeply. He hoped he could understand this if it were true. Still, he didn’t want to become overly religious or a fanatic. How foolish they were. He picked up his daily newspaper—the Evening Post—and there on an inside page, in a small corner, was a quote from a poem by the late Francis Thompson, titled "The Hound of Heaven." It started:
I ran away from Him, through the passages of time ...
The ending moved him strangely:
The ending affected him oddly:
And unbothered face Intentional pace, stunning immediacy Came on the following feet,
And a voice above their rhythm—
"Nothing protects you if you won't protect Me."
Did this man really believe this? Was it so?
Did this guy really believe this? Was it true?
He turned back to his book and read on, and by degrees he came half to believe that sin and evil and sickness might possibly be illusions—that they could be cured by aligning one's self intellectually and spiritually with this Divine Principle. He wasn't sure. This terrible sense of wrong. Could he give up Suzanne? Did he want to? No!
He turned back to his book and kept reading, and gradually he started to half-believe that sin, evil, and sickness might just be illusions—that they could be fixed by aligning himself intellectually and spiritually with this Divine Principle. He wasn't certain. This awful feeling of wrong. Could he let go of Suzanne? Did he want to? No!
He got up and went to the window and looked out. The snow was still blowing.
He got up, went to the window, and looked outside. The snow was still blowing.
"Give her up! Give her up!" And Angela in such a precarious condition. What a devil of a hole he was in, anyway! Well, he would go and see her in the morning. He would at least be kind. He would see her through this thing. He lay down and tried to sleep, but somehow sleep never came to him right any more. He was too wearied, too distressed, too wrought up. Still he slept a little, and that was all he could hope for in these days.
"Let her go! Let her go!" And Angela was in such a difficult situation. What a mess he was in, anyway! Well, he’d go see her in the morning. At least he'd be kind. He’d help her through this. He laid down and tried to sleep, but somehow sleep just wouldn’t come to him properly anymore. He was too exhausted, too upset, too worked up. Still, he managed to sleep a little, and that was all he could hope for these days.
CHAPTER XXVII
It was while he was in this state, some two months later, that the great event, so far as Angela was concerned, came about, and in it, of necessity, he was compelled to take part. Angela was in her room, cosily and hygienically furnished, overlooking the cathedral grounds at Morningside Heights, and speculating hourly what her fate was to be. She had never wholly recovered from the severe attack of rheumatism which she had endured the preceding summer and, because of her worries since, in her present condition was pale and weak though she was not ill. The head visiting obstetrical surgeon, Dr. Lambert, a lean, gray man of sixty-five years of age, with grizzled cheeks, whose curly gray hair, wide, humped nose and keen gray eyes told of the energy and insight and ability that had placed him where he was, took a slight passing fancy to her, for she seemed to him one of those plain, patient little women whose lives are laid in sacrificial lines. He liked her brisk, practical, cheery disposition in the face of her condition, which was serious, and which was so noticeable to strangers. Angela had naturally a bright, cheery face, when she was not depressed or quarrelsome. It was the outward sign of her ability to say witty and clever things, and she had never lost the desire to have things done efficiently and intelligently about her wherever she was. The nurse, Miss De Sale, a solid, phlegmatic person of thirty-five, admired her spunk and courage and took a great fancy to her also because she was lightsome, buoyant and hopeful in the face of what was really a very serious situation. The general impression of the head operating surgeon, the house surgeon and the nurse was that her heart was weak and that her kidneys might be affected by her condition. Angela had somehow concluded after talks with Myrtle that Christian Science, as demonstrated by its practitioners, might help her through this crisis, though she had no real faith in it. Eugene would come round, she thought, also, for Myrtle was having him treated absently, and he was trying to read the book, she said. There would be a reconciliation between them when the baby came—because—because—— Well, because children were so winning! Eugene was really not hard-hearted—he was just infatuated. He had been ensnared by a siren. He would get over it.
It was during this time, about two months later, that the significant event, as far as Angela was concerned, occurred, and he had to be involved. Angela was in her room, comfortably and healthily furnished, overlooking the cathedral grounds at Morningside Heights, and wondering daily what her future would hold. She had never fully recovered from the severe rheumatism she had suffered the previous summer and, due to her anxieties since then, was pale and weak in her current state, though she wasn't actually ill. The head obstetrical surgeon, Dr. Lambert, a lean, gray-haired man of sixty-five with grizzled cheeks, curly gray hair, a prominent nose, and sharp gray eyes that reflected the energy and skill that had brought him to his position, took a slight liking to her. He saw her as one of those plain, patient women whose lives were full of sacrifices. He appreciated her brisk, practical, and cheerful attitude despite her serious condition, which was evident to outsiders. Angela naturally had a bright, cheerful face when she wasn't feeling down or argumentative. It was a clear sign of her ability to make witty and clever remarks, and she had never lost the desire for things to be done efficiently and thoughtfully around her. The nurse, Miss De Sale, a solid, calm woman of thirty-five, admired her spirit and bravery and also took a great liking to her because she was lighthearted, optimistic, and hopeful despite the truly serious situation. The general impression of the head surgeon, the resident surgeon, and the nurse was that her heart was weak and that her kidneys might be affected by her condition. Angela had somehow come to believe, after conversations with Myrtle, that Christian Science, as practiced by its followers, might help her through this crisis, even though she didn't truly believe in it. She thought Eugene would come by as well, since Myrtle was having him treated absentmindedly, and he was trying to read the book, she said. There would be a reconciliation between them when the baby arrived—because—because—— Well, because children are so charming! Eugene wasn't really cold-hearted—he was just infatuated. He had been lured in by a siren. He would get over it.
[Pg 711] Miss De Sale let her hair down in braids, Gretchen style, and fastened great pink bows of ribbon in them. As her condition became more involved, only the lightest morning gowns were given her—soft, comfortable things in which she sat about speculating practically about the future. She had changed from a lean shapeliness to a swollen, somewhat uncomely object, but she made the best of a bad situation. Eugene saw her and felt sorry. It was the end of winter now, with snow blowing gaily or fiercely about the windows, and the park grounds opposite were snow-white. She could see the leafless line of sentinel poplars that bordered the upper edges of Morningside. She was calm, patient, hopeful, while the old obstetrician shook his head gravely to the house surgeon.
[Pg 711] Miss De Sale wore her hair in braids, styled like Gretchen's, and tied them with big pink ribbons. As her condition became more complicated, she was only given the lightest morning gowns—soft, comfy clothes in which she spent her time thinking practically about the future. She had gone from a lean, shapely figure to a swollen, somewhat unattractive appearance, but she made the best of a tough situation. Eugene saw her and felt sympathy. It was the end of winter now, with snow blowing cheerfully or fiercely around the windows, and the park grounds across the way were covered in white. She could see the bare line of tall poplars that lined the upper edges of Morningside. She remained calm, patient, and hopeful, while the old obstetrician shook his head solemnly at the house surgeon.
"We shall have to be very careful. I shall take charge of the actual birth myself. See if you can't build up her strength. We can only hope that the head is small."
"We need to be very careful. I'll handle the actual delivery myself. Try to help her gain strength. Let's just hope the baby's head is small."
Angela's littleness and courage appealed to him. For once in a great many cases he really felt sorry.
Angela's smallness and bravery touched him. For once, in a lot of situations, he actually felt compassion.
The house surgeon did as directed. Angela was given specially prepared food and drink. She was fed frequently. She was made to keep perfectly quiet.
The house surgeon followed the instructions. Angela received specially prepared food and drinks. She was fed often. She was required to stay completely quiet.
"Her heart," the house surgeon reported to his superior, "I don't like that. It's weak and irregular. I think there's a slight lesion."
"Her heart," the house surgeon said to his superior, "I don't like it. It's weak and irregular. I think there's a small lesion."
"We can only hope for the best," said the other solemnly. "We'll try and do without ether."
"We can only hope for the best," the other person said seriously. "We'll try to manage without ether."
Eugene in his peculiar mental state was not capable of realizing the pathos of all this. He was alienated temperamentally and emotionally. Thinking that he cared for his wife dearly, the nurse and the house surgeon were for not warning him. They did not want to frighten him. He asked several times whether he could be present during the delivery, but they stated that it would be dangerous and trying. The nurse asked Angela if she had not better advise him to stay away. Angela did, but Eugene felt that in spite of his alienation, she needed him. Besides, he was curious. He thought Angela would stand it better if he were near, and now that the ordeal was drawing nigh, he was beginning to understand how desperate it might be and to think it was only fair that he should assist her. Some of the old pathetic charm of her littleness was coming back to him. She might not live. She would have to suffer much. She had meant no real evil to him—only to hold him. Oh, the bitterness and the pathos of this welter of earthly emotions. Why should they be so tangled?
Eugene, in his unusual mental state, couldn't grasp the emotional weight of everything happening. He felt disconnected both mentally and emotionally. Believing he cared deeply for his wife, the nurse and the house surgeon didn’t warn him about the situation. They didn’t want to scare him. He asked multiple times if he could be there for the delivery, but they told him it would be too dangerous and stressful. The nurse suggested to Angela that she should encourage him to stay away. Angela did, but Eugene sensed that even with his emotional distance, she needed him. Also, he was curious. He thought Angela would handle it better with him nearby, and as the moment approached, he started to realize how desperate it might become and felt it was only fair that he should support her. Some of the old, poignant charm of her smallness was returning to him. She might not survive. She would have to endure so much. She had never truly meant to hurt him—just to hold on to him. Oh, the bitterness and sorrow of this mix of earthly feelings. Why did everything have to be so complicated?
[Pg 712] The time drew very near, and Angela was beginning to suffer severe pains. Those wonderful processes of the all-mother, which bind the coming life in a cradle of muscles and ligaments were practically completed and were now relaxing their tendencies in one direction to enforce them in another. Angela suffered at times severely from straining ligaments. Her hands were clenched desperately, her face would become deathly pale. She would cry. Eugene was with her on a number of these occasions and it drove home to his consciousness the subtlety and terror of this great scheme of reproduction, which took all women to the door of the grave, in order that this mortal scheme of things might be continued. He began to think that there might be something in the assertion of the Christian Science leaders that it was a lie and an illusion, a terrible fitful fever outside the rational consciousness of God. He went to the library one day and got down a book on obstetrics, which covered the principles and practice of surgical delivery. He saw there scores of pictures drawn very carefully of the child in various positions in the womb—all the strange, peculiar, flower-like positions it could take, folded in upon itself like a little half-formed petal. The pictures were attractive, some of them beautiful, practical as they were. They appealed to his fancy. They showed the coming baby perfect, but so small, its head now in one position, now in another, its little arms twisted about in odd places, but always delightfully, suggestively appealing. From reading here and there in the volume, he learned that the great difficulty was the head—the delivery of that. It appeared that no other difficulty really confronted the obstetrician. How was that to be got out? If the head were large, the mother old, the walls of the peritoneal cavity tight or hard, a natural delivery might be impossible. There were whole chapters on Craniotomy, Cephalotripsy, which in plain English means crushing the head with an instrument....
[Pg 712] The time was getting close, and Angela was starting to experience intense pain. Those amazing processes of nature, which prepare life within a supportive structure of muscles and ligaments, were almost complete and were now shifting their focus from one direction to enforce another. Angela often suffered greatly from strained ligaments. Her hands were tightly clenched, and her face turned ghostly pale. She would cry. Eugene was there with her many times, and it highlighted for him the complexity and fear involved in the process of reproduction, which brought all women to the brink of death to ensure that life would carry on in this world. He started to consider that there might be some truth to what the Christian Science leaders claimed—that it was a lie and an illusion, a dreadful, erratic fever outside the rational consciousness of God. One day he visited the library and picked up a book on obstetrics, covering the principles and practices of surgical delivery. It contained many carefully drawn images of babies in various positions in the womb—all the strange, unique, flower-like positions they could take, folded in upon themselves like small, half-formed petals. The images were appealing, some even beautiful, despite their practical nature. They sparked his imagination. They depicted the coming baby as perfect, yet so small, with its head positioned one way or another, its little arms twisted in unusual places, yet always charming and suggestive. From skimming through the book, he learned that the biggest challenge was the head—getting it out. It seemed that no other real issue faced the obstetrician. How would that be accomplished? If the head was large, the mother was older, and the walls of the abdominal cavity were tight or firm, a natural delivery might be impossible. There were entire chapters on Craniotomy and Cephalotripsy, which, in simple terms, meant crushing the head with an instrument....
One chapter was devoted to the Cæsarian operation, with a description of its tremendous difficulties and a long disquisition on the ethics of killing the child to save the mother, or the mother to save the child with their relative values to society indicated. Think of it—a surgeon sitting in the seat of judge and executioner at the critical moment! Ah, life with its petty laws did not extend here. Here we came back to the conscience of man which Mrs. Eddy maintained was a reflection of immanent mind. If God were good, He would speak through that—He was speaking through it. This surgeon referred to that [Pg 713] inmost consciousness of supreme moral law, which alone could guide the practitioner in this dreadful hour.
One chapter focused on the Cæsarian operation, discussing its immense challenges and a lengthy exploration of the ethics of killing the child to save the mother, or vice versa, with their respective values to society highlighted. Imagine a surgeon acting as both judge and executioner at such a critical moment! Ah, life with its minor laws didn’t apply here. We returned to the conscience of man, which Mrs. Eddy claimed was a reflection of a greater mind. If God were good, He would communicate through that—He was communicating through it. This surgeon referred to that [Pg 713] deep awareness of the supreme moral law, which alone could guide the practitioner in this horrifying moment.
Then he told of what implements were necessary, how many assistants (two), how many nurses (four), the kinds of bandages, needles, silk and catgut thread, knives, clamp dilators, rubber gloves. He showed how the cut was to be made—when, where. Eugene closed the book, frightened. He got up and walked out in the air, a desire to hurry up to Angela impelling him. She was weak, he knew that. She had complained of her heart. Her muscles were probably set. Supposing these problems, any one of them, should come in connection with her. He did not wish her to die.
Then he explained what tools were needed, how many assistants (two), how many nurses (four), the types of bandages, needles, silk and catgut thread, knives, clamp dilators, and rubber gloves. He demonstrated how the incision should be made—when and where. Eugene closed the book, feeling scared. He got up and stepped outside for some fresh air, compelled by a desire to rush to Angela. He knew she was weak. She had mentioned issues with her heart. Her muscles were probably tense. If any of these problems arose with her… he didn’t want her to die.
He had said he had—yes, but he did not want to be a murderer. No, no! Angela had been good to him. She had worked for him. Why, God damn it, she had actually suffered for him in times past. He had treated her badly, very badly, and now in her pathetic little way she had put herself in this terrific position. It was her fault, to be sure it was. She had been trying as she always had to hold him against his will, but then could he really blame her? It wasn't a crime for her to want him to love her. They were just mis-mated. He had tried to be kind in marrying her, and he hadn't been kind at all. It had merely produced unrest, dissatisfaction, unhappiness for him and for her, and now this—this danger of death through pain, a weak heart, defective kidneys, a Cæsarian operation. Why, she couldn't stand anything like that. There was no use talking about it. She wasn't strong enough—she was too old.
He had said he had—yes, but he didn’t want to be a murderer. No, no! Angela had been good to him. She had worked for him. Why, damn it, she had actually suffered for him in the past. He had treated her badly, very badly, and now in her pathetic little way, she had put herself in this terrible situation. It was her fault, for sure it was. She had been trying, as she always had, to hold him against his will, but could he really blame her? It wasn’t a crime for her to want him to love her. They were just mismatched. He had tried to be kind by marrying her, and he hadn’t been kind at all. It had only caused unrest, dissatisfaction, and unhappiness for both of them, and now this—this danger of death from pain, a weak heart, defective kidneys, a C-section. Why, she couldn’t handle anything like that. There was no point in talking about it. She wasn’t strong enough—she was too old.
He thought of Christian Science practitioners, of how they might save her—of some eminent surgeon who would know how without the knife. How? How? If these Christian Scientists could only think her through a thing like this—he wouldn't be sorry. He would be glad, for her sake, if not his own. He might give up Suzanne—he might—he might. Oh, why should that thought intrude on him now?
He thought about Christian Science practitioners and how they might be able to help her—maybe some brilliant surgeon who could do it without surgery. How? How? If these Christian Scientists could just think her through something like this—he wouldn’t regret it. He would be happy for her, if not for himself. He might give up Suzanne—he might—he might. Oh, why should that thought come to him now?
When he reached the hospital it was three o'clock in the afternoon, and he had been there for a little while in the morning when she was comparatively all right. She was much worse. The straining pains in her side which she had complained of were worse and her face was alternately flushed and pale, sometimes convulsed a little. Myrtle was there talking with her, and Eugene stood about nervously, wondering what he should do—what he could do. Angela saw his worry. In [Pg 714] spite of her own condition she was sorry for him. She knew that this would cause him pain, for he was not hard-hearted, and it was his first sign of relenting. She smiled at him, thinking that maybe he would come round and change his attitude entirely. Myrtle kept reassuring her that all would be well with her. The nurse said to her and to the house doctor who came in, a young man of twenty-eight, with keen, quizzical eyes, whose sandy hair and ruddy complexion bespoke a fighting disposition, that she was doing nicely.
When he got to the hospital, it was three o'clock in the afternoon. He had been there for a little while in the morning when she was doing relatively okay. Now, she was much worse. The sharp pains in her side that she had complained about were more intense, and her face was alternating between flushed and pale, with occasional convulsions. Myrtle was there talking to her, and Eugene was standing around nervously, wondering what he should do—what he could do. Angela noticed his worry. Despite her own condition, she felt bad for him. She knew this would cause him distress because he wasn't heartless, and it was his first sign of softening. She smiled at him, hoping maybe he would come around and change his attitude completely. Myrtle kept reassuring her that everything would be fine. The nurse informed her and the house doctor who entered, a young man of twenty-eight with sharp, inquisitive eyes, whose sandy hair and ruddy complexion suggested a combative nature, that she was doing well.
"No bearing down pains?" he asked, smiling at Angela, his even white teeth showing in two gleaming rows.
"No labor pains?" he asked, smiling at Angela, his even white teeth visible in two bright rows.
"I don't know what kind they are, doctor," she replied. "I've had all kinds."
"I don't know what kind they are, doctor," she said. "I've had all kinds."
"You'll know them fast enough," he replied, mock cheerfully. "They're not like any other kind."
"You'll recognize them quickly enough," he said, feigning enthusiasm. "They're not like any others."
He went away and Eugene followed him.
He left, and Eugene went after him.
"How is she doing?" he asked, when they were out in the hall.
"How's she doing?" he asked, when they were out in the hall.
"Well enough, considering. She's not very strong, you know. I have an idea she is going to be all right. Dr. Lambert will be here in a little while. You had better talk to him."
"Well enough, given the circumstances. She's not very strong, you know. I think she’s going to be okay. Dr. Lambert will be here soon. You should talk to him."
The house surgeon did not want to lie. He thought Eugene ought to be told. Dr. Lambert was of the same opinion, but he wanted to wait until the last, until he could judge approximately correctly.
The house surgeon didn’t want to lie. He thought Eugene should be told. Dr. Lambert felt the same way, but he wanted to wait until the end, until he could assess the situation more accurately.
He came at five, when it was already dark outside, and looked at Angela with his grave, kindly eyes. He felt her pulse, listened to her heart with his stethoscope.
He arrived at five, when it was already dark outside, and looked at Angela with his serious, caring eyes. He felt her pulse and listened to her heart with his stethoscope.
"Do you think I shall be all right, doctor?" asked Angela faintly.
"Do you think I'll be okay, doctor?" Angela asked weakly.
"To be sure, to be sure," he replied softly. "Little woman, big courage." He smoothed her hand.
"Absolutely, absolutely," he replied gently. "Small woman, immense bravery." He caressed her hand.
He walked out and Eugene followed him.
He walked out and Eugene went after him.
"Well, doctor," he said. For the first time for months Eugene was thinking of something besides his lost fortune and Suzanne.
"Well, doctor," he said. For the first time in months, Eugene was thinking about something other than his lost fortune and Suzanne.
"I think it advisable to tell you, Mr. Witla," said the old surgeon, "that your wife is in a serious condition. I don't want to alarm you unnecessarily—it may all come out very satisfactorily. I have no positive reason to be sure that it will not. She is pretty old to have a child. Her muscles are set. The principal thing we have to fear in her case is some untoward complication with her kidneys. There is always difficulty in the delivery of the head in women of her age. It may be necessary [Pg 715] to sacrifice the child. I can't be sure. The Cæsarian operation is something I never care to think about. It is rarely used, and it isn't always successful. Every care that can be taken will be taken. I should like to have you understand the conditions. Your consent will be asked before any serious steps are taken. Your decision will have to be quick, however, when the time comes."
"I think it's important to let you know, Mr. Witla," said the old surgeon, "that your wife is in a serious condition. I don't want to alarm you unnecessarily—it could all turn out just fine. I have no strong reason to believe that it won't. She is quite old to be having a child. Her muscles are tight. The main concern in her case is the risk of complications with her kidneys. There’s always a challenge in delivering the head for women of her age. It may even be necessary to sacrifice the child. I can't say for sure. The C-section is something I prefer not to think about. It's rarely done, and it doesn't always succeed. We will take every possible precaution. I want you to understand the situation. Your consent will be needed before any major actions are taken. However, you will need to decide quickly when the time comes."
"I can tell you now, doctor, what my decision will be," said Eugene realizing fully the gravity of the situation. For the time being, his old force and dignity were restored. "Save her life if you can by any means that you can. I have no other wish."
"I can tell you now, doctor, what my decision will be," said Eugene, fully aware of how serious things were. For now, his old strength and dignity had returned. "Do whatever it takes to save her life. I have no other wish."
"Thanks," said the surgeon. "We will do the best we can."
"Thanks," said the surgeon. "We'll do our best."
There were hours after that when Eugene, sitting by Angela, saw her endure pain which he never dreamed it was possible for any human being to endure. He saw her draw herself up rigid time and again, the color leaving her face, the perspiration breaking out on her forehead only to relax and flush and groan without really crying out. He saw, strange to relate, that she was no baby like himself, whimpering over every little ill, but a representative of some great creative force which gave her power at once to suffer greatly and to endure greatly. She could not smile any more. That was not possible. She was in a welter of suffering, unbroken, astonishing. Myrtle had gone home to her dinner, but promised to return later. Miss De Sale came, bringing another nurse, and while Eugene was out of the room, Angela was prepared for the final ordeal. She was arrayed in the usual open back hospital slip and white linen leggings. Under Doctor Lambert's orders an operating table was got ready in the operating room on the top floor and a wheel table stationed outside the door, ready to remove her if necessary. He had left word that at the first evidence of the genuine childbearing pain, which the nurse understood so well, he was to be called. The house surgeon was to be in immediate charge of the case.
There were hours afterward when Eugene, sitting next to Angela, watched her endure pain that he never thought possible for any human to experience. He saw her tense up repeatedly, the color draining from her face, beads of sweat forming on her forehead, only to relax, flush, and groan without actually crying out. He noticed, oddly enough, that she was far from a baby like himself, whining over every little discomfort, but rather a representative of some immense creative force that gave her the ability to suffer deeply and endure remarkably. She couldn't smile anymore. That was impossible. She was caught in a sea of suffering, unbroken and astonishing. Myrtle had gone home for dinner but promised to return later. Miss De Sale arrived with another nurse, and while Eugene was out of the room, Angela was prepared for the final ordeal. She was dressed in the usual open-back hospital gown and white linen leggings. Following Dr. Lambert's instructions, an operating table was set up in the operating room on the top floor, and a wheeled table was stationed outside the door, ready to be used if necessary. He had instructed that at the first sign of genuine childbirth pain, which the nurse understood well, he was to be called. The house surgeon was to be in immediate charge of the case.
Eugene wondered in this final hour at the mechanical, practical, business-like manner in which all these tragedies—the hospital was full of women—were taken. Miss De Sale went about her duties calm, smiling, changing the pillows occasionally for Angela, straightening the disordered bedclothes, adjusting the window curtains, fixing her own lace cap or apron before the mirror which was attached to the dresser, or before the one that was set in the closet door, and doing other little things without number. She took no interest in Eugene's tense [Pg 716] attitude, or Myrtle's when she was there, but went in and out, talking, jesting with other nurses, doing whatever she had to do quite undisturbed.
Eugene couldn't help but notice in this final hour how mechanical, practical, and businesslike everyone was when dealing with all these tragedies—the hospital was filled with women. Miss De Sale carried out her duties calmly, smiling as she occasionally changed the pillows for Angela, straightened the messy bedcovers, adjusted the window curtains, and fixed her own lace cap or apron in the mirror attached to the dresser or the one in the closet door. She seemed to do countless little tasks without a second thought. She showed no interest in Eugene's tense attitude or Myrtle's when she was around. Instead, she moved in and out, chatting and joking with the other nurses, completely unfazed as she handled whatever needed to be done.
"Isn't there anything that can be done to relieve her of this pain?" Eugene asked wearily at one point. His own nerves were torn. "She can't stand anything like that. She hasn't the strength."
"Isn't there anything that can be done to ease her pain?" Eugene asked tiredly at one point. His own nerves were frayed. "She can't handle anything like that. She doesn't have the strength."
She shook her head placidly. "There isn't a thing that anyone can do. We can't give her an opiate. It stops the process. She just has to bear it. All women do."
She shook her head calmly. "There's nothing anyone can do. We can't give her a painkiller. It halts the process. She just has to endure it. All women do."
"All women," thought Eugene. Good God! Did all women go through a siege like this every time a child was born? There were two billion people on the earth now. Had there been two billion such scenes? Had he come this way?—Angela? every child? What a terrible mistake she had made—so unnecessary, so foolish. It was too late now, though, to speculate concerning this. She was suffering. She was agonizing.
"All women," thought Eugene. Good God! Did every woman go through something like this every time a child was born? There were two billion people on the planet now. Had there been two billion of these scenes? Had he come this way?—Angela? every child? What a terrible mistake she had made—so unnecessary, so foolish. But it was too late now to think about that. She was in pain. She was suffering.
The house surgeon came back after a time to look at her condition, but was not at all alarmed apparently. He nodded his head rather reassuringly to Miss De Sale, who stood beside him. "I think she's doing all right," he said.
The house surgeon returned after some time to check on her condition, but he didn’t seem worried at all. He nodded reassuringly to Miss De Sale, who was standing next to him. "I think she's doing fine," he said.
"I think so, too," she replied.
"I think so, too," she said.
Eugene wondered how they could say this. She was suffering horribly.
Eugene wondered how they could say this. She was in so much pain.
"I'm going into Ward A for an hour," said the doctor. "If any change comes you can get me there."
"I'm heading into Ward A for an hour," the doctor said. "If anything changes, you can find me there."
"What change could come," asked Eugene of himself, "any worse than had already appeared?" He was thinking of the drawings, though, he had seen in the book—wondering if Angela would have to be assisted in some of the grim, mechanical ways indicated there. They illustrated to him the deadly possibilities of what might follow.
"What change could come," Eugene asked himself, "that could be any worse than what has already happened?" He was thinking about the drawings he had seen in the book—wondering if Angela would need help with some of the grim, mechanical methods shown there. They highlighted for him the deadly possibilities of what might come next.
About midnight the expected change, which Eugene in agonized sympathy was awaiting, arrived. Myrtle had not returned. She had been waiting to hear from Eugene. Although Angela had been groaning before, pulling herself tense at times, twisting in an aimless, unhappy fashion, now she seemed to spring up and fall as though she had fainted. A shriek accompanied the movement, and then another and another. He rushed to the door, but the nurse was there to meet him.
About midnight, the change that Eugene had been anxiously waiting for finally happened. Myrtle still hadn't come back. She had been hoping to hear from Eugene. Even though Angela had been moaning earlier, pulling herself tight at times and twisting around unhappily, now she seemed to suddenly rise and then collapse as if she had fainted. Her movements were accompanied by a scream, then another, and another. He ran to the door, but the nurse was there to stop him.
"It's here," she said quietly. She went to a phone outside and called for Dr. Willets. A second nurse from some other room came in and stood beside her. In spite of the knotted cords on Angela's face, the swollen veins, the purple hue, they [Pg 717] were calm. Eugene could scarcely believe it, but he made an intense effort to appear calm himself. So this was childbirth!
"It's here," she said softly. She stepped outside to a phone and called for Dr. Willets. Another nurse from a different room walked in and stood next to her. Despite the twisted cords on Angela's face, the swollen veins, and the purple tint, they were calm. Eugene could hardly believe it, but he forced himself to look calm, too. So this was childbirth!
In a few moments Dr. Willets came in. He also was calm, business like, energetic. He was dressed in a black suit and white linen jacket, but took that off, leaving the room as he did so, and returned with his sleeves rolled up and his body incased in a long white apron, such as Eugene had seen butchers wear. He went over to Angela and began working with her, saying something to the nurse beside him which Eugene did not hear. He could not look—he dared not at first.
In a few moments, Dr. Willets walked in. He was calm, professional, and full of energy. He was wearing a black suit and a white linen jacket, but he took that off as he left the room and came back with his sleeves rolled up and wearing a long white apron, like the ones Eugene had seen butchers wear. He went over to Angela and started working with her, saying something to the nurse beside him that Eugene didn't catch. He couldn't look—he didn't dare at first.
At the fourth or fifth convulsive shriek, a second doctor came in, a young man of Willets' age, and dressed as he was, who also took his place beside him. Eugene had never seen him before. "Is it a case of forceps?" he asked.
At the fourth or fifth convulsive scream, a second doctor walked in, a young man about Willets' age and dressed similarly, who also took his position beside him. Eugene had never seen him before. "Is this a forceps delivery?" he asked.
"I can't tell," said the other. "Dr. Lambert is handling this personally. He ought to be here by now."
"I can't say," replied the other. "Dr. Lambert is taking care of this himself. He should be here by now."
There was a step in the hall and the senior physician or obstetrician had entered. In the lower hall he had removed his great coat and fur gloves. He was dressed in his street clothes, but after looking at Angela, feeling her heart and temples, he went out and changed his coat for an apron, like the others. His sleeves were rolled up, but he did not immediately do anything but watch the house surgeon, whose hands were bloody.
There was a sound in the hall as the lead physician or obstetrician walked in. In the lower hall, he took off his heavy coat and fur gloves. He was wearing his regular clothes, but after checking on Angela, feeling her heartbeat and examining her forehead, he stepped out to swap his coat for an apron, like the others. His sleeves were rolled up, but he didn't do anything right away; he just watched the house surgeon, whose hands were covered in blood.
"Can't they give her chloroform?" asked Eugene, to whom no one was paying any attention, of Miss De Sale.
"Can't they give her chloroform?" asked Eugene, who wasn't getting any attention from anyone, to Miss De Sale.
She scarcely heard, but shook her head. She was busy dancing attendance on her very far removed superiors, the physicians.
She barely heard, but shook her head. She was occupied with dancing attendance on her very distant superiors, the doctors.
"I would advise you to leave the room," said Dr. Lambert to Eugene, coming over near him. "You can do nothing here. You will be of no assistance whatsoever. You may be in the way."
"I suggest you leave the room," Dr. Lambert said to Eugene as he walked over to him. "You're not going to be able to help here. You won't be of any assistance at all. You might just get in the way."
Eugene left, but it was only to pace agonizedly up and down the hall. He thought of all the things that had passed between him and Angela—the years—the struggles. All at once he thought of Myrtle, and decided to call her up—she wanted to be there. Then he decided for the moment he would not. She could do nothing. Then he thought of the Christian Science practitioner. Myrtle could get her to give Angela absent treatment. Anything, anything—it was a shame that she should suffer so.
Eugene left, but only to walk anxiously back and forth in the hallway. He remembered everything that had happened between him and Angela—the years—the struggles. Suddenly, he thought of Myrtle and decided to call her—she wanted to be there. Then he changed his mind and decided not to. She wouldn't be able to help. Then he thought about the Christian Science practitioner. Myrtle could ask her to give Angela absent treatment. Anything, anything— it was terrible that she should have to suffer like this.
"Myrtle," he said nervously over the phone, when he reached her, "this is Eugene. Angela is suffering terribly. The birth is on. Can't you get Mrs. Johns to help her? It's terrible!"
"Myrtle," he said nervously over the phone when he finally reached her, "it's Eugene. Angela is in a lot of pain. She's in labor. Can you ask Mrs. Johns to help her? It's really bad!"
"Certainly, Eugene. I'll come right down. Don't worry."
"Sure thing, Eugene. I’ll be right there. No need to worry."
[Pg 718] He hung up the receiver and walked up and down the hall again. He could hear mumbled voices—he could hear muffled screams. A nurse, not Miss De Sale, came out and wheeled in the operating table.
[Pg 718] He hung up the phone and paced the hall again. He could hear hushed voices—he could hear muted screams. A nurse, not Miss De Sale, came out and brought in the operating table.
"Are they going to operate?" he asked feverishly. "I'm Mr. Witla."
"Are they going to operate?" he asked anxiously. "I'm Mr. Witla."
"I don't think so. I don't know. Dr. Lambert wants her to be taken to the operating room in case it is necessary."
"I don't think so. I don't know. Dr. Lambert wants her to be taken to the OR just in case it's needed."
They wheeled her out after a few moments and on to the elevator which led to the floor above. Her face was slightly covered while she was being so transferred, and those who were around prevented him from seeing just how it was with her, but because of her stillness, he wondered, and the nurse said that a very slight temporary opiate had been administered—not enough to affect the operation, if it were found necessary. Eugene stood by dumbly, terrified. He stood in the hall, outside the operating room, half afraid to enter. The head surgeon's warning came back to him, and, anyhow, what good could he do? He walked far down the dim-lit length of the hall before him, wondering, and looked out on a space where was nothing but snow. In the distance a long lighted train was winding about a high trestle like a golden serpent. There were automobiles honking and pedestrians laboring along in the snow. What a tangle life was, he thought. What a pity. Here a little while ago, he wanted Angela to die, and now,—God Almighty, that was her voice groaning! He would be punished for his evil thoughts—yes, he would. His sins, all these terrible deeds would be coming home to him. They were coming home to him now. What a tragedy his career was! What a failure! Hot tears welled up into his eyes, his lower lip trembled, not for himself, but for Angela. He was so sorry all at once. He shut it all back. No, by God, he wouldn't cry! What good were tears? It was for Angela his pain was, and tears would not help her now.
They brought her out after a few moments and onto the elevator that went to the next floor. Her face was partially covered during the transfer, and those around her made sure he couldn’t see how she was doing, but her stillness made him uneasy. The nurse mentioned that a very mild temporary painkiller had been given—not enough to interfere with the operation if it turned out to be necessary. Eugene stood there speechless, terrified. He lingered in the hall outside the operating room, half afraid to go in. The head surgeon's warning echoed in his mind, and anyway, what could he really do? He walked far down the dimly lit hallway, deep in thought, and looked out at a scene filled only with snow. In the distance, a long, illuminated train twisted around a high trestle like a golden serpent. Cars were honking and pedestrians struggled through the snow. What a mess life was, he thought. What a shame. Just a little while ago, he wanted Angela to die, and now—God, that was her voice groaning! He would be punished for his dark thoughts—yes, he would. His sins, all those awful deeds would come back to haunt him. They were haunting him now. What a tragedy his career was! What a failure! Hot tears filled his eyes, and his lower lip quivered, not for himself, but for Angela. Suddenly, he felt so sorry. He pushed it all away. No, damn it, he wouldn’t cry! What good were tears? His pain was for Angela, and tears wouldn’t help her now.
Thoughts of Suzanne came to him—Mrs. Dale, Colfax, but he shut them out. If they could see him now! Then another muffled scream and he walked quickly back. He couldn't stand this.
Thoughts of Suzanne crossed his mind—Mrs. Dale, Colfax—but he pushed them away. If they could see him now! Then he heard another muffled scream and quickly walked back. He couldn't handle this.
He didn't go in, however. Instead he listened intently, hearing something which sounded like gurgling, choking breathing. Was that Angela?
He didn't go in, though. Instead, he listened closely, hearing something that sounded like gurgling and struggling to breathe. Was that Angela?
"The low forceps"—it was Dr. Lambert's voice.
"The low forceps"—it was Dr. Lambert's voice.
"The high forceps." It was his voice again. Something clinked like metal in a bowl.
"The high forceps." It was his voice again. Something clinked like metal in a bowl.
[Pg 719] "It can't be done this way, I'm afraid," it was Dr. Lambert's voice again. "We'll have to operate. I hate to do it, too."
[Pg 719] "I'm afraid this won't work," Dr. Lambert said again. "We'll need to perform surgery. I really hate to do it, too."
A nurse came out to see if Eugene were near. "You had better go down into the waiting room, Mr. Witla," she cautioned. "They'll be bringing her out pretty soon. It won't be long now."
A nurse came out to check if Eugene was nearby. "You should go down to the waiting room, Mr. Witla," she warned. "They'll be bringing her out really soon. It won't be long now."
"No," he said all at once, "I want to see for myself." He walked into the room where Angela was now lying on the operating table in the centre of the room. A six-globed electrolier blazed close overhead. At her head was Dr. Willets, administering the anæsthetic. On the right side was Dr. Lambert, his hands encased in rubber gloves, bloody, totally unconscious of Eugene, holding a scalpel. One of the two nurses was near Angela's feet, officiating at a little table of knives, bowls, water, sponges, bandages. On the left of the table was Miss De Sale. Her hands were arranging some cloths at the side of Angela's body. At her side, opposite Dr. Lambert, was another surgeon whom Eugene did not know. Angela was breathing stertorously. She appeared to be unconscious. Her face was covered with cloths and a rubber mouth piece or cone. Eugene cut his palms with his nails.
"No," he said suddenly, "I want to see for myself." He walked into the room where Angela was now lying on the operating table in the middle of the room. A six-globed light fixture blazed brightly overhead. At her head was Dr. Willets, giving her the anesthetic. On the right side was Dr. Lambert, his hands in rubber gloves, bloody, completely unaware of Eugene, holding a scalpel. One of the two nurses was near Angela's feet, working at a small table with knives, bowls, water, sponges, and bandages. To the left of the table was Miss De Sale. Her hands were arranging some cloths beside Angela's body. Opposite Dr. Lambert was another surgeon whom Eugene didn’t recognize. Angela was breathing heavily. She seemed to be unconscious. Her face was covered with cloths and a rubber mouthpiece or cone. Eugene dug his nails into his palms.
So they have to operate, after all, he thought. She is as bad as that. The Cæsarian operation. Then they couldn't even get the child from her by killing it. Seventy-five per cent. of the cases recorded were successful, so the book said, but how many cases were not recorded. Was Dr. Lambert a great surgeon? Could Angela stand ether—with her weak heart?
So they really have to go through with the surgery, he thought. She's that bad off. The C-section. Then they couldn't even take the baby from her by ending its life. Seventy-five percent of the documented cases were successful, according to the book, but how many weren’t documented? Was Dr. Lambert a skilled surgeon? Could Angela handle anesthesia—with her weak heart?
He stood there looking at this wonderful picture while Dr. Lambert quickly washed his hands. He saw him take a small gleaming steel knife—bright as polished silver. The old man's hands were encased in rubber gloves, which looked bluish white under the light. Angela's exposed flesh was the color of a candle. He bent over her.
He stood there admiring this amazing scene while Dr. Lambert quickly washed his hands. He watched him grab a small, shiny steel knife—bright like polished silver. The old man's hands were covered in rubber gloves that looked bluish white under the light. Angela's exposed skin was the color of a candle. He leaned over her.
"Keep her breathing normal if you can," he said to the young doctor. "If she wakes give her ether. Doctor, you'd better look after the arteries."
"Keep her breathing steady if you can," he told the young doctor. "If she wakes up, give her ether. Doctor, you should focus on the arteries."
He cut softly a little cut just below the centre of the abdomen apparently, and Eugene saw little trickling streams of blood spring where his blade touched. It did not seem a great cut. A nurse was sponging away the blood as fast as it flowed. As he cut again, the membrane that underlies the muscles of the abdomen and protects the intestines seemed to spring into view.
He made a small incision just below the center of the abdomen, and Eugene noticed tiny streams of blood flowing where the blade made contact. It didn’t appear to be a significant cut. A nurse was quickly sponging away the blood as it flowed. As he cut again, the membrane beneath the abdominal muscles that protects the intestines seemed to come into view.
"I don't want to cut too much," said the surgeon calmly—almost [Pg 720] as though he were talking to himself. "These intestines are apt to become unmanageable. If you just lift up the ends, doctor. That's right. The sponge, Miss Wood. Now, if we can just cut here enough"—he was cutting again like an honest carpenter or cabinet worker.
"I don't want to take off too much," the surgeon said calmly—almost [Pg 720] as if he were speaking to himself. "These intestines can get tricky. Just lift up the ends, doctor. Exactly. The sponge, Miss Wood. Now, if we can just cut here enough"—he was cutting again like a skilled carpenter or cabinet maker.
He dropped the knife he held into Miss Wood's bowl of water. He reached into the bleeding, wound, constantly sponged by the nurse, exposing something. What was that? Eugene's heart jerked. He was reaching down now in there with his middle finger—his fore and middle fingers afterwards, and saying, "I don't find the leg. Let's see. Ah, yes. Here we have it!"
He dropped the knife he was holding into Miss Wood's bowl of water. He reached into the bleeding wound, which the nurse was constantly sponging, revealing something. What was that? Eugene's heart raced. He was now reaching down with his middle finger—then his forefinger and middle finger together—and saying, "I can't find the leg. Let's check. Oh, there it is. We've got it!"
"Can I move the head a little for you, doctor?" It was the young doctor at his left talking.
"Can I adjust the head a bit for you, doctor?" It was the young doctor on his left speaking.
"Careful! Careful! It's bent under in the region of the coccyx. I have it now, though. Slowly, doctor, look out for the placenta."
"Watch out! Watch out! It's bent in the area of the tailbone. I've got it now, though. Take it slow, doctor, watch for the placenta."
Something was coming up out of this horrible cavity, which was trickling with blood from the cut. It was queer a little foot, a leg, a body, a head.
Something was emerging from this terrible cavity, which was oozing blood from the cut. It was a strange little foot, a leg, a body, a head.
"As God is my judge," said Eugene to himself, his eyes brimming again.
"As God is my judge," Eugene said to himself, his eyes filling with tears again.
"The placenta, doctor. Look after the peritoneum, Miss Wood. It's alive, all right. How is her pulse, Miss De Sale?"
"The placenta, doctor. Take care of the peritoneum, Miss Wood. It's definitely alive. How's her pulse, Miss De Sale?"
"A little weak, doctor."
"Feeling a bit weak, doc."
"Use less ether. There, now we have it! We'll put that back. Sponge. We'll have to sew this afterwards, Willets. I won't trust this to heal alone. Some surgeons think it will, but I mistrust her recuperative power. Three or four stitches, anyhow."
"Use less ether. There, now we have it! We'll put that back. Sponge. We'll have to stitch this up later, Willets. I won't trust this to heal on its own. Some surgeons think it will, but I don't trust her ability to recover. Three or four stitches, anyway."
They were working like carpenters, cabinet workers, electricians. Angela might have been a lay figure for all they seemed to care. And yet there was a tenseness here, a great hurry through slow sure motion. "The less haste, the more speed," popped into Eugene's mind—the old saw. He stared as if this were all a dream—a nightmare. It might have been a great picture like Rembrandt's "The Night Watch." One young doctor, the one he did not know, was holding aloft a purple object by the foot. It might have been a skinned rabbit, but Eugene's horrified eyes realized that it was his child—Angela's child—the thing all this horrible struggle and suffering was about. It was discolored, impossible, a myth, a monster. He could scarcely believe his eyes, and yet the doctor was [Pg 721] striking it on the back with his hand, looking at it curiously. At the same moment came a faint cry—not a cry, either—only a faint, queer sound.
They were working like carpenters, cabinet makers, electricians. Angela might as well have been a mannequin for all they seemed to care. Yet there was a tension here, a hurried pace through slow, deliberate actions. "The less haste, the more speed," came to Eugene's mind—the old saying. He stared as if this were all a dream—a nightmare. It could have been a masterpiece like Rembrandt's "The Night Watch." One young doctor, the one he didn't know, was holding up a purple object by its foot. It could have been a skinned rabbit, but Eugene's horrified eyes realized it was his child—Angela's child—the thing all this horrible struggle and suffering was centered around. It was bruised, inconceivable, like a myth, a monster. He could hardly believe his eyes, yet the doctor was [Pg 721] hitting it on the back with his hand, looking at it with curiosity. At the same moment, a faint cry came—not really a cry—just a faint, strange sound.
"She's awfully little, but I guess she'll make out." It was Dr. Willets talking of the baby. Angela's baby. Now the nurse had it. That was Angela's flesh they had been cutting. That was Angela's wound they were sewing. This wasn't life. It was a nightmare. He was insane and being bedeviled by spirits.
"She's pretty tiny, but I guess she’ll be okay." It was Dr. Willets talking about the baby. Angela's baby. Now the nurse had it. That was Angela's flesh they had been cutting. That was Angela's wound they were stitching up. This wasn't life. It was a nightmare. He was losing his mind and being tormented by spirits.
"Now, doctor, I guess that will keep. The blankets, Miss De Sale. You can take her away."
"Alright, doctor, I think that's good for now. Miss De Sale, you can take her away."
They were doing lots of things to Angela, fastening bandages about her, removing the cone from her mouth, changing her position back to one of lying flat, preparing to bathe her, moving her to the rolling table, wheeling her out while she moaned unconscious under ether.
They were doing a lot of things to Angela, wrapping bandages around her, taking the cone off her mouth, adjusting her position back to lying flat, getting ready to bathe her, moving her to the rolling table, and wheeling her out while she moaned unconscious from the anesthesia.
Eugene could scarcely stand the sickening, stertorous breathing. It was such a strange sound to come from her—as if her unconscious soul were crying. And the child was crying, too, healthily.
Eugene could hardly stand the heavy, labored breathing. It was such a strange sound coming from her—as if her unconscious soul was crying out. And the child was crying, too, but in a healthy way.
"Oh, God, what a life, what a life!" he thought. To think that things should have to come this way. Death, incisions! unconsciousness! pain! Could she live? Would she? And now he was a father.
"Oh, God, what a life, what a life!" he thought. To think that things had to come to this. Death, surgeries! Unconsciousness! Pain! Could she survive? Would she? And now he was a dad.
He turned and there was the nurse holding this littlest girl on a white gauze blanket or cushion. She was doing something to it—rubbing oil on it. It was a pink child now, like any other baby.
He turned around, and there was the nurse holding the tiniest girl on a white gauze blanket or cushion. She was doing something to her—rubbing oil on her. Now, she looked like a pink baby, just like any other.
"That isn't so bad, is it?" she asked consolingly. She wanted to restore Eugene to a sense of the commonplace. He was so distracted looking.
"That isn't too bad, right?" she asked comfortingly. She wanted to bring Eugene back to a sense of normalcy. He looked so lost in thought.
Eugene stared at it. A strange feeling came over him. Something went up and down his body from head to toe, doing something to him. It was a nervous, titillating, pinching feeling. He touched the child. He looked at its hands, its face. It looked like Angela. Yes, it did. It was his child. It was hers. Would she live? Would he do better? Oh, God, to have this thrust at him now, and yet it was his child. How could he? Poor little thing. If Angela died—if Angela died, he would have this and nothing else, this little girl out of all her long, dramatic struggle. If she died, came this. To do what to him? To guide? To strengthen? To change? He could not say. Only, somehow, in spite of himself, it was beginning to appeal to him. It was the child of a storm. And Angela, so [Pg 722] near him now—would she ever live to see it? There she was unconscious, numb, horribly cut. Dr. Lambert was taking a last look at her before leaving.
Eugene stared at it. A strange feeling washed over him. Something moved through his body from head to toe, affecting him. It was a nervous, exciting, pinching sensation. He touched the child. He looked at its hands, its face. It resembled Angela. Yes, it really did. It was his child. It was hers. Would she survive? Would he be a better person? Oh, God, to have this thrust at him now, yet it was his child. How could he? Poor little thing. If Angela died—if Angela died, he would have this and nothing else, this little girl from all her long, dramatic struggles. If she died, he would have this. To do what to him? To guide? To strengthen? To change? He couldn't say. Only, somehow, despite himself, it was starting to appeal to him. It was the child of a storm. And Angela, so [Pg 722] close to him now—would she ever get to see it? There she was, unconscious, numb, horribly injured. Dr. Lambert was taking one last look at her before leaving.
"Do you think she will live, doctor?" he asked the great surgeon feverishly. The latter looked grave.
"Do you think she will make it, doctor?" he asked the renowned surgeon anxiously. The surgeon's expression was serious.
"I can't say. I can't say. Her strength isn't all that it ought to be. Her heart and kidneys make a bad combination. However, it was a last chance. We had to take it. I'm sorry. I'm glad we were able to save the child. The nurse will give her the best of care."
"I can't say. I can't say. Her strength isn't quite what it should be. Her heart and kidneys aren't a good mix. Still, it was our last chance. We had to go for it. I'm sorry. I'm just glad we managed to save the child. The nurse will take great care of her."
He went out into his practical world as a laborer leaves his work. So may we all. Eugene went over and stood by Angela. He was tremendously sorry for the long years of mistrust that had brought this about. He was ashamed of himself, of life—of its strange tangles. She was so little, so pale, so worn. Yes, he had done this. He had brought her here by his lying, his instability, his uncertain temperament. It was fairly murder from one point of view, and up to this last hour he had scarcely relented. But life had done things to him, too. Now, now—— Oh, hell, Oh, God damn! If she would only recover, he would try and do better. Yes, he would. It sounded so silly coming from him, but he would try. Love wasn't worth the agony it cost. Let it go. Let it go. He could live. Truly there were hierarchies and powers, as Alfred Russel Wallace pointed out. There was a God somewhere. He was on His throne. These large, dark, immutable forces, they were not for nothing. If she would only not die, he would try—he would behave. He would! he would!
He stepped out into his real world like a worker finishing up for the day. We all do the same. Eugene walked over and stood by Angela. He felt really sorry for all the years of distrust that led to this. He was embarrassed—embarrassed for himself, for life itself, with its complicated messes. She looked so small, so pale, so worn down. Yes, he had caused this. His lies, his instability, his unpredictable nature had brought her here. It felt like he had committed a terrible crime in a way, and up until this moment, he had hardly felt any remorse. But life had taken a toll on him too. Now, now—oh, damn it! If she could just get better, he would try to be a better person. Yes, he would. It sounded ridiculous coming from him, but he would make an effort. Love wasn't worth the pain it brought. Let it go. Let it go. He could survive. There were indeed hierarchies and powers, just as Alfred Russel Wallace pointed out. There was a God somewhere, sitting on His throne. These overwhelming, unchangeable forces were there for a reason. If she could just stay alive, he would try—he would be good. He would! He would!
He gazed at her, but she looked so weak, so pale now he did not think she could come round.
He stared at her, but she looked so fragile, so pale now that he didn't believe she could recover.
"Don't you want to come home with me, Eugene?" said Myrtle, who had come back some time before, at his elbow. "We can't do anything here now! The nurse says she may not become conscious for several hours. The baby is all right in their care."
"Don't you want to come home with me, Eugene?" said Myrtle, who had returned a little while ago, standing next to him. "We can't do anything here now! The nurse said she might not wake up for several hours. The baby is fine in their care."
The baby! the baby! He had forgotten it, forgotten Myrtle. He was thinking of the long dark tragedy of his life—the miasma of it.
The baby! The baby! He had forgotten it, forgotten Myrtle. He was thinking about the long, dark tragedy of his life—the heaviness of it.
"Yes," he said wearily. It was nearly morning. He went out and got into a taxi and went to his sister's home, but in spite of his weariness, he could scarcely sleep. He rolled feverishly.
"Yeah," he said tiredly. It was almost morning. He stepped outside, got into a cab, and headed to his sister's place, but despite his exhaustion, he could hardly sleep. He tossed and turned restlessly.
In the morning he was up again, early, anxious to go back and see how Angela was—and the child.
In the morning, he was up early again, eager to go back and check on Angela and the baby.
CHAPTER XXVIII
The trouble with Angela's system, in addition to a weak heart, was that it was complicated at the time of her delivery by that peculiar manifestation of nervous distortion or convulsions known as eclampsia. Once in every five hundred cases (or at least such was the statistical calculation at the time), some such malady occurred to reduce the number of the newborn. In every two such terminations one mother also died, no matter what the anticipatory preparations were on the part of the most skilled surgeons. Though not caused by, it was diagnosed by, certain kidney changes. What Eugene had been spared while he was out in the hall was the sight of Angela staring, her mouth pulled to one side in a horrible grimace, her body bent back, canoe shape, the arms flexed, the fingers and thumbs bending over each other to and fro, in and out, slowly, not unlike a mechanical figure that is running down. Stupor and unconsciousness had immediately followed, and unless the child had been immediately brought into the world and the womb emptied, she and it would have died a horrible death. As it was she had no real strength to fight her way back to life and health. A Christian Science practitioner was trying to "realize her identity with good" for her, but she had no faith before and no consciousness now. She came to long enough to vomit terribly, and then sank into a fever. In it she talked of Eugene. She was in Blackwood, evidently, and wanted him to come back to her. He held her hand and cried, for he knew that there was never any recompense for that pain. What a dog he had been! He bit his lip and stared out of the window.
The issue with Angela's condition, besides her weak heart, was that it was complicated during her delivery by a strange form of nervous twitching or convulsions called eclampsia. In about one in five hundred cases (or at least that's what the statistics suggested back then), some kind of complication would reduce the number of newborns. For every two such outcomes, one mother also died, regardless of how much preparation the most skilled surgeons had done. Though it wasn't caused by them, it was linked to certain changes in the kidneys. What Eugene missed while he was in the hall was the sight of Angela staring blankly, her mouth twisted to one side in a terrible grimace, her body arched backward like a canoe, her arms bent, fingers and thumbs moving over each other, back and forth, slowly, like a mechanical toy winding down. Immediately after, she fell into stupor and unconsciousness, and if the baby hadn't been delivered promptly, both she and the newborn would have suffered a terrible fate. As it was, she lacked the strength to recover her health. A Christian Science practitioner was trying to help her “realize her identity with good,” but she had no belief before and no awareness now. She regained consciousness just long enough to vomit violently before slipping into a fever. During that time, she talked about Eugene. She seemed to be in Blackwood and wanted him to come back to her. He held her hand and cried, knowing there was no way to repay that pain. He felt like such a fool! He bit his lip and stared out the window.
Once he said: "Oh, I'm no damned good! I should have died!"
Once he said: "Oh, I'm no good! I should have died!"
That whole day passed without consciousness, and most of the night. At two in the morning Angela woke and asked to see the baby. The nurse brought it. Eugene held her hand. It was put down beside her, and she cried for joy, but it was a weak, soundless cry. Eugene cried also.
That entire day went by without awareness, and most of the night too. At two in the morning, Angela woke up and asked to see the baby. The nurse brought the baby to her. Eugene held her hand. The baby was placed beside her, and she cried tears of joy, but it was a weak, soundless cry. Eugene cried as well.
"It's a girl, isn't it?" she asked.
"It's a girl, right?" she asked.
"Yes," said Eugene, and then, after a pause, "Angela, I want to tell you something. I'm so sorry, I'm ashamed. I want [Pg 724] you to get well. I'll do better. Really I will." At the same time he was wondering, almost subconsciously, whether he would or no. Wouldn't it be all the same if she were really well—or worse?
"Yes," Eugene said, and after a moment, he added, "Angela, I need to tell you something. I'm really sorry, and I feel ashamed. I want you to get better. I promise I’ll do better. I really will." At the same time, he was wondering, almost without thinking, if he actually would. Would it even make a difference if she was truly okay—or if things got worse?
She caressed his hand. "Don't cry," she said, "I'll be all right. I'm going to get well. We'll both do better. It's as much my fault as yours. I've been too hard." She worked at his fingers, but he only choked. His vocal cords hurt him.
She gently held his hand. "Don't cry," she said, "I'll be okay. I'm going to get better. We'll both improve. It's as much my fault as yours. I've been too tough." She fiddled with his fingers, but he just choked up. His throat was hurting.
"I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry," he finally managed to say.
"I'm really sorry. I'm really sorry," he finally managed to say.
The child was taken away after a little while and Angela was feverish again. She grew very weak, so weak that although she was conscious later, she could not speak. She tried to make some signs. Eugene, the nurse, Myrtle, understood. The baby. It was brought and held up before her. She smiled a weak, yearning smile and looked at Eugene. "I'll take care of her," he said, bending over her. He swore a great oath to himself. He would be decent—he would be clean henceforth and for ever. The child was put beside her for a little while, but she could not move. She sank steadily and died.
The child was taken away after a short time, and Angela was feverish again. She grew very weak, so weak that even though she was aware later, she couldn’t speak. She tried to make some gestures. Eugene, the nurse, and Myrtle understood. The baby. It was brought in and held up in front of her. She smiled a weak, longing smile and looked at Eugene. "I’ll take care of her," he said, leaning over her. He promised himself fiercely. He would be decent—he would be clean from now on and forever. The child was placed next to her for a little while, but she couldn't move. She kept getting worse and died.
Eugene sat by the bed holding his head in his hands. So, he had his wish. She was really dead. Now he had been taught what it was to fly in the face of conscience, instinct, immutable law. He sat there an hour while Myrtle begged him to come away.
Eugene sat by the bed with his head in his hands. So, he got what he wanted. She was really dead. Now he understood what it meant to go against his conscience, instincts, and unchanging rules. He sat there for an hour while Myrtle pleaded with him to leave.
"Please, Eugene!" she said. "Please!"
"Please, Eugene!" she said. "Please!"
"No, no," he replied. "Where shall I go? I am well enough here."
"No, no," he said. "Where should I go? I'm fine here."
After a time he did go, however, wondering how he would adjust his life from now on. Who would take care of of——
After a while, he did leave, though, wondering how he would adapt his life moving forward. Who would take care of——
"Angela" came the name to his mind. Yes, he would call her "Angela." He had heard someone say she was going to have pale yellow hair.
"Angela" popped into his mind. Yeah, he would call her "Angela." He had heard someone mention she was going to have light yellow hair.
The rest of this story is a record of philosophic doubt and speculation and a gradual return to normality, his kind of normality—the artistic normality of which he was capable. He would—he thought—never again be the maundering sentimentalist and enthusiast, imagining perfection in every beautiful woman that he saw. Yet there was a period when, had Suzanne returned suddenly, all would have been as before between them, and even more so, despite his tremulousness of spirit, his speculative [Pg 725] interest in Christian Science as a way out possibly, his sense of brutality, almost murder, in the case of Angela—for, the old attraction still gnawed at his vitals. Although he had Angela, junior, now to look after, and in a way to divert him,—a child whom he came speedily to delight in—his fortune to restore, and a sense of responsibility to that abstract thing, society or public opinion as represented by those he knew or who knew him, still there was this ache and this non-controllable sense of adventure which freedom to contract a new matrimonial alliance or build his life on the plan he schemed with Suzanne gave him. Suzanne! Suzanne!—how her face, her gestures, her voice, haunted him. Not Angela, for all the pathos of her tragic ending, but Suzanne. He thought of Angela often—those last hours in the hospital, her last commanding look which meant "please look after our child," and whenever he did so his vocal cords tightened as under the grip of a hand and his eyes threatened to overflow, but even so, and even then, that undertow, that mystic cord that seemed to pull from his solar plexus outward, was to Suzanne and to her only. Suzanne! Suzanne! Around her hair, the thought of her smile, her indescribable presence, was built all that substance of romance which he had hoped to enjoy and which now, in absence and probably final separation, glowed with a radiance which no doubt the reality could never have had.
The rest of this story records a journey of philosophical doubt and speculation, leading back to a kind of normalcy—his version of normalcy, the artistic kind he could manage. He believed he would never be the rambling sentimentalist and dreamer who saw perfection in every beautiful woman he encountered again. Yet there was a time when, if Suzanne had suddenly returned, things would have been just like before between them, perhaps even more so, despite his shaken spirit, his curious interest in Christian Science as a possible escape, and his sense of brutality, almost like murder, regarding Angela—because the old attraction still gnawed at him. Even though he had Angela, junior, to care for now, which somewhat distracted him—a child he quickly came to adore—he still had his fortune to restore and a sense of duty to that abstract idea of society or public opinion represented by those he knew or who knew him. Still, there was this ache and an uncontrollable sense of adventure that came from the freedom to enter a new marriage or build his life based on the plan he had with Suzanne. Suzanne! Suzanne! Her face, her gestures, her voice haunted him. Not Angela, despite the sorrow of her tragic end, but Suzanne. He often thought of Angela—those last hours in the hospital, her final commanding look that meant "please take care of our child," and whenever he did, his throat tightened as if gripped by a hand, and his eyes threatened to overflow. Yet even then, the pull he felt from his solar plexus was toward Suzanne and only her. Suzanne! Suzanne! Surrounding her hair, the thought of her smile, her indescribable presence contained all the romantic substance he had hoped to experience, which now, in her absence and likely final separation, glowed with a radiance that reality could never match.
"We are such stuff as dreams are made on and our little life is rounded with a sleep." We are such stuff as dreams are made on, and only of dreams are our keen, stinging realities compounded. Nothing else is so moving, so vital, so painful as a dream.
"We are made of the same things that dreams are made of, and our short lives are completed with sleep." We are made of the same things that dreams are made of, and only from dreams are our sharp, piercing realities created. Nothing else is as moving, as essential, or as painful as a dream.
For a time that first spring and summer, while Myrtle looked after little Angela and Eugene went to live with her and her husband, he visited his old Christian Science practitioner, Mrs. Johns. He had not been much impressed with the result in Angela's case, but Myrtle explained the difficulty of the situation in a plausible way. He was in a terrific state of depression, and it was while he was so that Myrtle persuaded him to go again. She insisted that Mrs. Johns would overcome his morbid gloom, anyhow, and make him feel better. "You want to come out of this, Eugene," she pleaded. "You will never do anything until you do. You are a big man. Life isn't over. It's just begun. You're going to get well and strong again. Don't worry. Everything that is is for the best."
For a while that first spring and summer, while Myrtle took care of little Angela and Eugene moved in with her and her husband, he went to see his old Christian Science practitioner, Mrs. Johns. He hadn't been very impressed with the results in Angela's case, but Myrtle explained the situation in a convincing way. He was feeling really depressed, and it was during this time that Myrtle convinced him to go again. She insisted that Mrs. Johns would help lift his dark mood and make him feel better. "You need to get out of this, Eugene," she urged. "You won't accomplish anything until you do. You're a great guy. Life isn't over. It's just beginning. You're going to get better and stronger again. Don't worry. Everything that is, is for the best."
He went once, quarreling with himself for doing so, for in spite of his great shocks, or rather because of them, he had no [Pg 726] faith in religious conclusions of any kind. Angela had not been saved. Why should he?
He went once, arguing with himself for doing it, because despite his significant shocks, or maybe because of them, he had no [Pg 726] faith in any religious conclusions. Angela hadn't been saved. Why should he be?
Still the metaphysical urge was something—it was so hard to suffer spiritually and not believe there was some way out. At times he hated Suzanne for her indifference. If ever she came back he would show her. There would be no feeble urgings and pleadings the next time. She had led him into this trap, knowing well what she was doing—for she was wise enough—and then had lightly deserted him. Was that the action of a large spirit? he asked himself. Would the wonderful something he thought he saw there be capable of that? Ah, those hours at Daleview—that one stinging encounter in Canada!—the night she danced with him so wonderfully!
Still, the need for something greater was real—it was so hard to suffer inside and not believe there was a way out. Sometimes he hated Suzanne for her indifference. If she ever came back, he would make it clear. There wouldn’t be any weak pleas or begging this time. She had led him into this trap, fully aware of what she was doing—because she was smart enough—and then she had easily walked away. Was that what a great spirit would do? he wondered. Could the amazing connection he thought he felt there really be capable of that? Ah, those hours at Daleview—that one painful encounter in Canada!—the night she danced with him so beautifully!
During a period of nearly three years all the vagaries and alterations which can possibly afflict a groping and morbid mind were his. He went from what might be described as almost a belief in Christian Science to almost a belief that a devil ruled the world, a Gargantuan Brobdingnagian Mountebank, who plotted tragedy for all ideals and rejoiced in swine and dullards and a grunting, sweating, beefy immorality. By degrees his God, if he could have been said to have had one in his consciousness, sank back into a dual personality or a compound of good and evil—the most ideal and ascetic good, as well as the most fantastic and swinish evil. His God, for a time at least, was a God of storms and horrors as well as of serenities and perfections. He then reached a state not of abnegation, but of philosophic open-mindedness or agnosticism. He came to know that he did not know what to believe. All apparently was permitted, nothing fixed. Perhaps life loved only change, equation, drama, laughter. When in moments of private speculation or social argument he was prone to condemn it loudest, he realized that at worst and at best it was beautiful, artistic, gay, that, however, he might age, groan, complain, withdraw, wither, still, in spite of him, this large thing which he at once loved and detested was sparkling on. He might quarrel, but it did not care; he might fail or die, but it could not. He was negligible—but, oh, the sting and delight of its inner shrines and favorable illusions.
During a time of almost three years, he experienced all the ups and downs that can affect a confused and troubled mind. He shifted from what could be called an almost belief in Christian Science to nearly believing that a devil was in charge of the world, a huge, deceptive trickster who plotted tragedies against all ideals and took pleasure in dirt and ignorance, along with a crude, overweight immorality. Gradually, his understanding of God, if he ever had one, transformed into a duality of good and evil—the most refined and ascetic good, alongside the most bizarre and pig-like evil. For a while, his God was one of storms and terrors, as well as peace and perfection. He eventually found himself not in a state of rejection, but in a place of philosophical open-mindedness or agnosticism. He realized he didn't know what to believe. Everything seemed allowed, nothing was set in stone. Perhaps life only cherished change, balance, drama, and laughter. When he tended to criticize it the loudest during private reflections or social debates, he acknowledged that, at both its best and worst, it was beautiful, artistic, and joyful—despite how much he might age, groan, complain, withdraw, or wither, this vast existence, which he both loved and loathed, continued to shine. He might argue, but it remained indifferent; he might fail or even die, but it would go on. He felt insignificant—but oh, the thrill and joy found in its inner beauty and comforting illusions.
And curiously, for a time, even while he was changing in this way, he went back to see Mrs. Johns, principally because he liked her. She seemed to be a motherly soul to him, contributing some of the old atmosphere he had enjoyed in his own home in Alexandria. This woman, from working constantly in the esoteric depths, which Mrs. Eddy's book suggests, demonstrating [Pg 727] for herself, as she thought, through her belief in or understanding of, the oneness of the universe (its non-malicious, affectionate control, the non-existence of fear, pain, disease, and death itself), had become so grounded in her faith that evil positively did not exist save in the belief of mortals, that at times she almost convinced Eugene that it was so. He speculated long and deeply along these lines with her. He had come to lean on her in his misery quite as a boy might on his mother.
And interestingly, for a while, even as he was transforming in this way, he went back to visit Mrs. Johns, mainly because he liked her. She felt like a motherly figure to him, bringing back some of the familiar warmth he had enjoyed in his own home in Alexandria. This woman, who had been deeply immersed in the esoteric teachings suggested by Mrs. Eddy's book, demonstrating [Pg 727] for herself, as she believed, through her understanding of the oneness of the universe (its kind, loving control, the absence of fear, pain, disease, and even death itself), had become so secure in her faith that she truly believed evil existed only in the minds of people. Sometimes, she nearly convinced Eugene that it really was that way. He spent considerable time pondering these ideas with her. He had come to rely on her in his distress just like a boy might lean on his mother.
The universe to her was, as Mrs. Eddy said, spiritual, not material, and no wretched condition, however seemingly powerful, could hold against the truth—could gainsay divine harmony. God was good. All that is, is God. Hence all that is, is good or it is an illusion. It could not be otherwise. She looked at Eugene's case, as she had at many a similar one, being sure, in her earnest way, that she, by realizing his ultimate fundamental spirituality, could bring him out of his illusions, and make him see the real spirituality of things, in which the world of flesh and desire had no part.
The universe to her was, as Mrs. Eddy said, spiritual, not material, and no miserable situation, no matter how strong it seemed, could stand against the truth—could contradict divine harmony. God was good. Everything that exists is God. Therefore, everything that exists is good or it's an illusion. It couldn't be any other way. She viewed Eugene's situation, as she had many others, with the firm belief that by recognizing his ultimate fundamental spirituality, she could help him break free from his illusions and see the true spirituality of things, in which the world of flesh and desire had no place.
"Beloved," she loved to quote to him, "now are we the sons of God, and it doth not yet appear what we shall be, but we know that when he shall appear"—(and she explained that he was this universal spirit of perfection of which we are a part)—"we shall be like him; for we shall see him as He is."
"Beloved," she liked to quote to him, "now we are the children of God, and it hasn’t been revealed yet what we will become, but we know that when he appears"—(and she explained that he was this universal spirit of perfection that we are part of)—"we will be like him; because we will see him as He is."
"And every man that has this hope in him purifieth himself even as He is pure."
"And everyone who has this hope in them purifies themselves just as He is pure."
She once explained to him that this did not mean that the man must purify himself by some hopeless moral struggle, or emaciating abstinance, but rather that the fact that he had this hope of something better in him, would fortify him in spite of himself.
She once explained to him that this didn't mean the man had to purify himself through some impossible moral struggle or extreme abstinence, but rather that the hope of something better within him would strengthen him even against his own will.
"You laugh at me," she said to him one day, "but I tell you you are a child of God. There is a divine spark in you. It must come out. I know it will. All this other thing will fall away as a bad dream. It has no reality."
"You laugh at me," she said to him one day, "but I tell you you are a child of God. There’s a divine spark in you. It has to come out. I know it will. All this other stuff will fade away like a bad dream. It’s not real."
She even went so far in a sweet motherly way as to sing hymns to him, and now, strange to relate, her thin voice was no longer irritating to him, and her spirit made her seemingly beautiful in his eyes. He did not try to adjust the curiosities and anomalies of material defects in so far as she was concerned. The fact that her rooms were anything but artistically perfect; that her body was shapeless, or comparatively so, when contrasted with that standard of which he had always been so conscious; the fact that whales were accounted by her in some weird way as spiritual, and bugs and torturesome insects of all [Pg 728] kinds as emanations of mortal mind, did not trouble him at all. There was something in this thought of a spiritual universe—of a kindly universe, if you sought to make it so, which pleased him. The five senses certainly could not indicate the totality of things; beyond them must lie depths upon depths of wonder and power. Why might not this act? Why might it not be good? That book that he had once read—"The World Machine"—had indicated this planetary life as being infinitesimally small; that from the point of view of infinity it was not even thinkable—and yet here it appeared to be so large. Why might it not be, as Carlyle had said, a state of mind, and as such, so easily dissolvable. These thoughts grew by degrees, in force, in power.
She even sweetly went so far as to sing hymns to him, and now, oddly enough, her thin voice no longer annoyed him, and her spirit made her seem beautiful in his eyes. He didn’t bother trying to make sense of her quirks and imperfections. The fact that her rooms were far from artistically perfect; that her body was shapeless, especially compared to the ideal he had always been aware of; the fact that she considered whales in some strange way to be spiritual and bugs and annoying insects as manifestations of the human mind, didn’t bother him at all. There was something about the idea of a spiritual universe—a friendly universe, if you approached it that way—that made him happy. The five senses definitely couldn’t capture the entirety of existence; beyond them must be layers of wonder and power. Why couldn’t this idea be true? Why couldn’t it be good? That book he had once read—“The World Machine”—had suggested that this planetary life was incredibly small; from the perspective of infinity, it wasn’t even worth thinking about—and yet here it seemed so vast. Why couldn’t it be, as Carlyle had said, a state of mind, and thus easily changeable? These thoughts gradually grew stronger and more powerful.
At the same time he was beginning to go out again a little. A chance meeting with M. Charles, who grasped his hand warmly and wanted to know where he was and what he was doing, revived his old art fever. M. Charles suggested, with an air of extreme interest, that he should get up another exhibition along whatever line he chose.
At the same time, he was starting to go out a bit again. A chance encounter with M. Charles, who shook his hand warmly and asked where he had been and what he was up to, reignited his passion for art. M. Charles suggested, with great enthusiasm, that he should organize another exhibition on any theme he liked.
"You!" he said, with a touch of heartening sympathy, and yet with a glow of fine corrective scorn, for he considered Eugene as an artist only, and a very great one at that. "You,—Eugene Witla—an editor—a publisher! Pah! You—who could have all the art lovers of the world at your feet in a few years if you chose—you who could do more for American art in your life time than anyone I know, wasting your time art directing, art editing—publishing! Pouf! Aren't you really ashamed of yourself? But it isn't too late. Come now—a fine exhibition! What do you say to an exhibition of some kind next January or February, in the full swing of the season? Everybody's interested then. I will give you our largest gallery. How is that? What do you say?" he glowed in a peculiarly Frenchy way,—half commanding, half inspiring or exhorting.
"You!" he said, with a hint of encouraging sympathy but also a flash of corrective scorn, because he saw Eugene as nothing but an artist—and a very great one at that. "You—Eugene Witla—an editor—a publisher! Pah! You—who could have all the art lovers in the world at your feet in just a few years if you wanted to—you who could do more for American art in your lifetime than anyone I know, wasting your time art directing, art editing—publishing! Seriously, aren't you a little ashamed of yourself? But it's not too late. How about putting together a great exhibition? What do you think about having an exhibition of some kind next January or February, when the season is in full swing? Everyone's interested then. I’ll give you our largest gallery. What do you say?" he said, radiating a distinctly French charm—half commanding, half inspiring.
"If I can," said Eugene quietly, with a deprecating wave of the hand, and a faint line of self-scorn about the corners of his mouth. "It may be too late."
"If I can," Eugene said softly, waving his hand dismissively, with a slight hint of self-disgust at the corners of his mouth. "It might be too late."
"'Too late! Too late!' What nonsense! Do you say that to me? If you can! If you can! Well, I give you up! You with your velvet textures and sure lines. It is too much. It is unbelievable!"
"'Too late! Too late!' What nonsense! Are you really saying that to me? If you can! If you can! Fine, I give up! You with your soft fabrics and clean lines. It's too much. It’s unbelievable!"
He raised his hands, eyes, and eye-brows in Gallic despair. He shrugged his shoulders, waiting to see a change of expression in Eugene.
He raised his hands, eyes, and eyebrows in Gallic despair. He shrugged his shoulders, waiting to see a change of expression in Eugene.
"Very good!" said Eugene, when he heard this. "Only I [Pg 729] can't promise anything. We will see." And he wrote out his address.
"Sounds great!" said Eugene when he heard this. "But I [Pg 729] can't make any promises. We'll see." And he wrote down his address.
This started him once more. The Frenchman, who had often heard him spoken of and had sold all his earlier pictures, was convinced that there was money in him—if not here then abroad—money and some repute for himself as his sponsor. Some American artists must be encouraged—some must rise. Why not Eugene? Here was one who really deserved it.
This got him going again. The Frenchman, who had often heard about him and had sold all his previous paintings, was sure that there was profit to be made with him—if not here, then overseas—financial gain and a bit of recognition for himself as his backer. Some American artists need support—some need to succeed. Why not Eugene? He was truly someone who deserved it.
So Eugene worked, painting swiftly, feverishly, brilliantly—with a feeling half the time that his old art force had deserted him for ever—everything that came into his mind. Taking a north lighted room near Myrtle he essayed portraits of her and her husband, of her and baby Angela, making arrangements which were classically simple. Then he chose models from the streets,—laborers, washerwomen, drunkards—characters all, destroying canvases frequently, but, on the whole, making steady progress. He had a strange fever for painting life as he saw it, for indicating it with exact portraits of itself, strange, grim presentations of its vagaries, futilities, commonplaces, drolleries, brutalities. The mental, fuzzy-wuzzy maunderings and meanderings of the mob fascinated him. The paradox of a decaying drunkard placed against the vivid persistence of life gripped his fancy. Somehow it suggested himself hanging on, fighting on, accusing nature, and it gave him great courage to do it. This picture eventually sold for eighteen thousand dollars, a record price.
So Eugene worked, painting quickly, intensely, and brilliantly—often feeling like his artistic talent had completely abandoned him—everything that came to mind. He rented a room with northern light near Myrtle and attempted portraits of her and her husband, of her and baby Angela, creating arrangements that were classically simple. Then he chose models from the streets—workers, laundresses, drunks—each a character, often destroying canvases, but overall making steady progress. He had a strange passion for painting life as he saw it, wanting to capture it with accurate representations, strange and bleak portrayals of its oddities, trivialities, absurdities, and harsh realities. He was fascinated by the chaotic thoughts and behaviors of the crowd. The contradiction of a decaying drunkard set against the vividness of life captivated him. Somehow it reflected his own struggle to hang on, to keep fighting, to confront nature, which inspired him greatly. This painting ultimately sold for eighteen thousand dollars, a record price.
In the meantime his lost dream in the shape of Suzanne was traveling abroad with her mother—in England, Scotland, France, Egypt, Italy, Greece. Aroused by the astonishing storm which her sudden and uncertain fascination had brought on, she was now so shaken and troubled by the disasters which had seemed to flow to Eugene in her wake, that she really did not know what to do or think. She was still too young, too nebulous. She was strong enough in body and mind, but very uncertain philosophically and morally—a dreamer and opportunist. Her mother, fearful of some headstrong, destructive outburst in which her shrewdest calculations would prove of no avail, was most anxious to be civil, loving, courteous, politic anything to avoid a disturbing re-encounter with the facts of the past, or a sudden departure on the part of Suzanne, which she hourly feared. What was she to do? Anything Suzanne wanted—her least whim, her moods in dress, pleasure, travel, friendship, were most assiduously catered to. Would she like to go here? would she like to see that? would this amuse her? would that be pleasant? [Pg 730] And Suzanne, seeing always what her mother's motives were, and troubled by the pain and disgrace she had brought on Eugene, was uncertain now as to whether her conduct had been right or not. She puzzled over it continually.
In the meantime, his lost dream in the form of Suzanne was traveling abroad with her mother—visiting England, Scotland, France, Egypt, Italy, and Greece. Shaken by the incredible storm that her sudden and unpredictable attraction had caused, she was now so unsettled and concerned about the troubles that seemed to follow Eugene because of her that she genuinely didn’t know what to think or do. She was still too young, too undefined. She was physically and mentally strong, but very unsure philosophically and morally—a dreamer and opportunist. Her mother, worried about a reckless and destructive outburst that could undermine her best efforts, was extremely eager to be polite, loving, courteous, anything to avoid a painful reminder of the past or a sudden departure from Suzanne, which she feared more with each passing hour. What was she supposed to do? Anything Suzanne wanted—her slightest whim, her moods about clothes, fun, travel, friendship—were all carefully attended to. Would she like to go here? Would she like to see that? Would this entertain her? Would that be enjoyable? [Pg 730] And Suzanne, always aware of her mother’s intentions and troubled by the pain and shame she had caused Eugene, was now uncertain whether her actions had been right or not. She contemplated it constantly.
More terrifying, however, was the thought which came to her occasionally as to whether she had really loved Eugene at all or not. Was this not a passing fancy? Had there not been some chemistry of the blood, causing her to make a fool of herself, without having any real basis in intellectual rapprochement. Was Eugene truly the one man with whom she could have been happy? Was he not too adoring, too headstrong, too foolish and mistaken in his calculations? Was he the able person she had really fancied him to be? Would she not have come to dislike him—to hate him even—in a short space of time? Could they have been truly, permanently happy? Would she not be more interested in one who was sharp, defiant, indifferent—one whom she could be compelled to adore and fight for rather than one who was constantly adoring her and needing her sympathy? A strong, solid, courageous man—was not such a one her ideal, after all? And could Eugene be said to be that? These and other questions tormented her constantly.
More terrifying, though, was the nagging thought that occasionally crossed her mind about whether she had really loved Eugene at all. Was this just a phase? Had there been some kind of fleeting attraction that made her act foolishly, without any real intellectual connection? Was Eugene really the one man she could have been happy with? Wasn’t he too worshipful, too stubborn, too misguided in his expectations? Was he the capable person she had imagined him to be? Wouldn’t she have come to dislike him—or even hate him—after a while? Could they have truly been happy together for the long run? Wouldn’t she be more attracted to someone who was sharp, bold, and indifferent—someone she could be drawn to and fight for rather than someone who constantly worshipped her and needed her support? A strong, dependable, courageous man—wasn’t that her true ideal? And could Eugene be considered that? These and other questions haunted her all the time.
It is strange, but life is constantly presenting these pathetic paradoxes—these astounding blunders which temperament and blood moods bring about and reason and circumstance and convention condemn. The dreams of man are one thing—his capacity to realize them another. At either pole are the accidents of supreme failure and supreme success—the supreme failure of an Abélard for instance, the supreme success of a Napoleon, enthroned at Paris. But, oh, the endless failures for one success.
It’s odd, but life keeps showing us these sad contradictions—these incredible mistakes that our moods and personalities cause, while reason, circumstances, and social norms judge them. A person’s dreams are one thing—being able to achieve them is another. At both extremes are the extremes of total failure and total success—the total failure of an Abélard, for example, and the total success of a Napoleon, crowned in Paris. But, oh, the countless failures that lead to just one success.
But in this instance it cannot be said that Suzanne had definitely concluded that she did not love him. Far from it. Although the cleverest devices were resorted to by Mrs. Dale to bring her into contact with younger and to her—now—more interesting personalities, Suzanne—very much of an introspective dreamer and quiet spectator herself, was not to be swiftly deluded by love again—if she had been deluded. She had half decided to study men from now on, and use them, if need be, waiting for the time when some act, of Eugene's, perhaps, or some other personality, might decide for her. The strange, destructive spell of her beauty began to interest her, for now she knew that she really was beautiful. She looked in her mirror very frequently now—at the artistry of a curl, the curve of her chin, her cheek, her arm. If ever she went back to Eugene [Pg 731] how well she would repay him for his agony. But would she? Could she? Would he have not recovered his sanity and be able to snap his fingers in her face and smile superciliously? For, after all, no doubt he was a wonderful man and would shine as something somewhere soon again. And when he did—what would he think of her—her silence, her desertion, her moral cowardice?
But in this case, it can’t be said that Suzanne had definitely decided that she didn’t love him. Not at all. Even though Mrs. Dale tried every clever trick to introduce her to younger and now more interesting people, Suzanne—who was very much an introspective dreamer and quiet observer—wasn’t going to be fooled by love again—if she had ever been fooled. She had sort of decided to study men from now on and use them if necessary, waiting for the moment when some action from Eugene, or maybe another personality, could make the decision for her. The strange, destructive effect of her beauty started to fascinate her, because now she really recognized that she was beautiful. She looked in the mirror a lot more now—admiring the artistry of a curl, the curve of her chin, her cheek, her arm. If she ever went back to Eugene [Pg 731], she would make sure to repay him for his pain. But would she? Could she? Wouldn’t he have regained his confidence and be able to snap his fingers in her face and smile condescendingly? Because, after all, he was undoubtedly a wonderful man and would soon shine somewhere again. And when that happened—what would he think of her—her silence, her abandonment, her moral cowardice?
"After all, I am not of much account," she said to herself. "But what he thought of me!—that wild fever—that was wonderful! Really he was wonderful!"
"After all, I'm not really important," she said to herself. "But what he thought of me!—that intense passion—that was amazing! He was truly remarkable!"
CHAPTER XXIX
The dénouement of all this, as much as ever could be, was still two years off. By that time Suzanne was considerably more sobered, somewhat more intellectually cultivated, a little cooler—not colder exactly—and somewhat more critical. Men, when it came to her type of beauty, were a little too suggestive of their amorousness. After Eugene their proffers of passion, adoration, undying love, were not so significant.
The conclusion of all this, as much as it could be, was still two years away. By that time, Suzanne had become quite a bit more grounded, somewhat more educated, a little less warm—not exactly cold—and a bit more discerning. Men, in terms of her kind of beauty, seemed a little too obvious about their romantic intentions. After Eugene, their offers of passion, devotion, and everlasting love didn’t hold as much meaning.
But one day in New York on Fifth Avenue, there was a re-encounter. She was shopping with her mother, but their ways, for a moment, were divided. By now Eugene was once more in complete possession of his faculties. The old ache had subsided to a dim but colorful mirage of beauty that was always in his eye. Often he had thought what he would do if he saw Suzanne again—what say, if anything. Would he smile, bow—and if there were an answering light in her eye, begin his old courtship all over, or would he find her changed, cold, indifferent? Would he be indifferent, sneering? It would be hard on him, perhaps, afterwards, but it would pay her out and serve her right. If she really cared, she ought to be made to suffer for being a waxy fool and tool in the hands of her mother. He did not know that she had heard of his wife's death—the birth of his child—and that she had composed and destroyed five different letters, being afraid of reprisal, indifference, scorn.
But one day in New York on Fifth Avenue, they ran into each other again. She was shopping with her mom, but they went their separate ways for a moment. By now, Eugene had completely regained his composure. The old pain had faded into a distant but vibrant illusion of beauty that he always saw. He often pondered what he would do if he saw Suzanne again—what he would say, if anything. Would he smile, bow—and if she responded positively, start his old courtship all over again, or would he find her changed, cold, indifferent? Would he be indifferent, sneering? It might be tough on him later, but it would give her what she deserved. If she really cared, she should be made to suffer for being a foolish pawn in her mother’s hands. He didn’t know that she had heard about his wife’s death—the birth of his child—and that she had written and scrapped five different letters, fearing rejection, indifference, or contempt.
She had heard of his rise to fame as an artist once more, for the exhibition had finally come about, and with it great praise, generous acknowledgments of his ability—artists admired him most of all. They thought him strange, eccentric, but great. M. Charles had suggested to a great bank director that his new bank in the financial district be decorated by Eugene alone, which was eventually done—nine great panels in which he expressed deeply some of his feeling for life. At Washington, in two of the great public buildings and in three state capitols were tall, glowing panels also of his energetic dreaming,—a brooding suggestion of beauty that never was on land or sea. Here and there in them you might have been struck by a face—an arm, a cheek, an eye. If you had ever known Suzanne as she was you would have known the basis—the fugitive spirit at the bottom of all these things.
She had heard about his rise to fame as an artist once again, since the exhibition had finally taken place, bringing with it huge praise and generous recognition of his talent—other artists admired him the most. They found him unusual and eccentric, yet undeniably great. M. Charles had suggested to a major bank director that his new bank in the financial district be decorated exclusively by Eugene, which eventually happened—nine large panels in which he profoundly expressed some of his feelings about life. In Washington, there were tall, vibrant panels of his dynamic dreaming displayed in two major public buildings and three state capitols—a haunting hint of beauty that never existed on land or sea. Here and there in those panels, you might have caught sight of a face—an arm, a cheek, an eye. If you had ever known Suzanne as she truly was, you would have recognized the essence—the fleeting spirit at the core of all these things.
But in spite of that he now hated her—or told himself that [Pg 733] he did. Under the heel of his intellectuality was the face, the beauty that he adored. He despised and yet loved it. Life had played him a vile trick—love—thus to frenzy his reason and then to turn him out as mad. Now, never again, should love affect him, and yet the beauty of woman was still his great lure—only he was the master.
But despite that, he now hated her—or convinced himself that he did. Underneath his intellect was the face, the beauty he adored. He both despised and loved it. Life had pulled a cruel trick on him—love—driving him to madness and then leaving him feeling crazy. Now, he swore that love would never affect him again, yet the allure of a woman's beauty was still strong—only now he was in control.
And then one day Suzanne appeared.
And then one day, Suzanne showed up.
He scarcely recognized her, so sudden it was and so quickly ended. She was crossing Fifth Avenue at Forty-second Street. He was coming out of a jeweler's, with a birthday ring for little Angela. Then the eyes of this girl, a pale look—a flash of something wonderful that he remembered and then——
He hardly recognized her; it was so sudden and over so quickly. She was walking across Fifth Avenue at Forty-second Street. He was exiting a jeweler's store, holding a birthday ring for little Angela. Then he caught the eyes of this girl, a pale expression—a glimpse of something amazing that he remembered and then——
He stared curiously—not quite sure.
He stared curiously—unsure.
"He does not even recognize me," thought Suzanne, "or he hates me now. Oh!—all in five years!"
"He doesn't even recognize me," thought Suzanne, "or he hates me now. Oh!—all in five years!"
"It is she, I believe," he said to himself, "though I am not quite sure. Well, if it is she can go to the devil!" His mouth hardened. "I will cut her as she deserves to be cut," he thought. "She shall never know that I care."
"It’s her, I think," he said to himself, "but I’m not completely sure. Anyway, if it is, she can go to hell!" His expression turned hard. "I’ll treat her the way she deserves," he thought. "She will never know that I care."
And so they passed,—never to meet in this world—each always wishing, each defying, each folding a wraith of beauty to the heart.
And so they went on their separate ways—never to meet again in this world—each always wishing, each resisting, each carrying a ghost of beauty in their heart.
L'ENVOI
There appears to be in metaphysics a basis, or no basis, according as the temperament and the experience of each shall incline him, for ethical or spiritual ease or peace. Life sinks into the unknowable at every turn and only the temporary or historical scene remains as a guide,—and that passes also. It may seem rather beside the mark that Eugene in his moral and physical depression should have inclined to various religious abstrusities for a time, but life does such things in a storm. They constituted a refuge from himself, from his doubts and despairs as religious thought always does.
There seems to be a foundation, or maybe none at all, in metaphysics, depending on each person's temperament and experiences, for finding ethical or spiritual comfort. Life plunges into the unknown at every turn, leaving only the temporary or historical situation as a guide, and that fades away too. It might seem a bit off that Eugene, in his moral and physical slump, would turn to different religious complexities for a while, but life can lead people to do that in difficult times. They provided him with a way to escape from himself, his doubts, and his despair, just like religious thoughts often do.
If I were personally to define religion I would say that it is a bandage that man has invented to protect a soul made bloody by circumstance; an envelope to pocket him from the unescapable and unstable illimitable. We seek to think of things as permanent and see them so. Religion gives life a habitation and a name apparently—though it is an illusion. So we are brought back to time and space and illimitable mind—as what? And we shall always stand before them attributing to them all those things which we cannot know.
If I were to define religion, I would say it’s like a bandage that people created to protect a soul wounded by circumstances; a shield to keep them safe from the unavoidable and chaotic unknown. We try to see things as permanent and think of them that way. Religion makes life feel like it has a home and a name—though that’s just an illusion. So, we find ourselves back in time and space and the endless mind—what does that really mean? And we will always face these mysteries, assigning to them all the things we can’t fully understand.
Yet the need for religion is impermanent, like all else in life. As the soul regains its health, it becomes prone to the old illusions. Again women entered his life—never believe otherwise—drawn, perhaps, by a certain wistfulness and loneliness in Eugene, who though quieted by tragedy for a little while was once more moving in the world. He saw their approach with more skepticism, and yet not unmoved—women who came through the drawing rooms to which he was invited, wives and daughters who sought to interest him in themselves and would scarcely take no for an answer; women of the stage—women artists, poetasters, "varietists," critics, dreamers. From the many approaches, letters and meetings, some few relationships resulted, ending as others had ended. Was he not changed, then? Not much—no. Only hardened intellectually and emotionally—tempered for life and work. There were scenes, too, violent ones, tears, separations, renouncements, cold meetings—with little Angela always to one side in Myrtle's care as a stay and consolation.
Yet the need for religion is temporary, just like everything else in life. As the soul heals, it becomes susceptible to old illusions again. Women came back into his life—never doubt it—perhaps drawn by a certain sadness and loneliness in Eugene, who, though quieted by tragedy for a bit, was once again engaging with the world. He viewed their approach with skepticism, yet was still moved—women who came through the drawing rooms to which he was invited, wives and daughters eager to capture his interest and who hardly accepted a no; women from the stage—artists, poets, entertainers, critics, dreamers. From the numerous approaches, letters, and meetings, a few relationships developed, ending like the others had. Was he not changed, then? Not really—no. Only hardened intellectually and emotionally—prepared for life and work. There were also intense scenes, tears, breakups, separations, awkward meetings—with little Angela always to one side in Myrtle's care as a source of comfort.
In Eugene one saw an artist who, pagan to the core, enjoyed reading the Bible for its artistry of expression, and Schopenhauer, Nietzsche, Spinoza and James for the mystery of things [Pg 735] which they suggested. In his child he found a charming personality and a study as well—one whom he could brood over with affectionate interest at times, seeing already something of himself and something of Angela, and wondering at the outcome. What would she be like? Would art have any interest for her? She was so daring, gay, self-willed, he thought.
In Eugene, there was an artist who was completely pagan and enjoyed reading the Bible for its artistic expression, as well as Schopenhauer, Nietzsche, Spinoza, and James for the mysteries they hinted at. [Pg 735] In his child, he discovered a delightful personality and a way to reflect—someone he could ponder over with affectionate interest, recognizing bits of himself and bits of Angela, and curious about what would come next. What would she be like? Would she care about art? She was so bold, cheerful, and strong-willed, he thought.
"You've a Tartar on your hands," Myrtle once said to him, and he smiled as he replied:
"You've got a real challenge on your hands," Myrtle once said to him, and he smiled as he replied:
"Just the same I'll see if I can't keep up with her."
"Still, I'll see if I can keep up with her."
One of his occasional thoughts was that if he and Angela, junior, came to understand each other thoroughly, and she did not marry too soon, he could build a charming home around her. Perhaps her husband might not object to living with them.
One of his occasional thoughts was that if he and Angela, junior, really got to know each other well, and she didn’t get married too quickly, he could create a lovely home for her. Maybe her husband wouldn’t mind living with them.
The last scene of all may be taken from his studio in Montclair, where with Myrtle and her husband as resident housekeepers and Angela as his diversion he was living and working. He was sitting in front of his fireplace one night reading, when a thought in some history recalled to his mind a paragraph somewhere in Spencer's astonishing chapters on "the unknowable" in his "Facts and Comments," and he arose to see if he could find it. Rummaging around in his books he extracted the volume and reread it, with a kind of smack of intellectual agreement, for it suited his mood in regard to life and his own mental state in particular. Because it was so peculiarly related to his own viewpoint I quote it:
The last scene takes place in his studio in Montclair, where he was living and working with Myrtle and her husband as the housekeepers, and Angela as his distraction. One night, he was sitting in front of his fireplace reading when a thought from some history reminded him of a paragraph in Spencer's amazing chapters on "the unknowable" in his "Facts and Comments." He got up to see if he could find it. As he searched through his books, he pulled out the volume and reread it, feeling a sense of intellectual agreement, since it matched his mood about life and his mental state in particular. Because it related so closely to his own perspective, I quote it:
"Beyond the reach of our intelligence as are the mysteries of the objects known by our senses, those presented in this universal matrix are, if we may say so, still further beyond the reach of our intelligence, for whereas, those of the one kind may be, and are, thought of by many as explicable on the hypothesis of creation, and by the rest on the hypothesis of evolution, those of the other kind cannot by either be regarded as thus explicable. Theist and Agnostic must agree in recognizing the properties of Space as inherent, eternal, uncreated—as anteceding all creation, if creation has taken place. Hence, could we penetrate the mysteries of existence, there would still remain more transcendent mysteries. That which can be thought of as neither made nor evolved presents us with facts the origin of which is even more remote from conceivability than is the origin of the facts presented by visible and tangible things.... The thought of this blank form of existence which, explored in all directions as far as eye can reach, has, beyond that, an unexplored region compared with which the part imagination [Pg 736] has traversed is but infinitesimal—the thought of a space, compared with which our immeasurable sidereal system dwindles to a point, is a thought too overwhelming to be dwelt upon. Of late years the consciousness that without origin or cause, infinite space has ever existed and must ever exist produces in me a feeling from which I shrink."
"Beyond the limits of our understanding, the mysteries of the objects we perceive with our senses are already challenging, but those that appear in this universal framework are even more elusive. While some people believe that the former can be explained through the idea of creation, and others through evolution, the latter cannot be understood in either way. Both theists and agnostics must accept that the qualities of Space are inherent, eternal, and uncreated, existing before any creation, if such an event has ever happened. Therefore, even if we could uncover the mysteries of existence, there would still be deeper mysteries. The idea of something that is neither created nor evolved presents us with facts whose origins are even further removed from our understanding than those of the visible and tangible world. The thought of this empty form of existence, which expands in all directions as far as we can see, has an unexplored region beyond it that makes the part our imagination has ventured seem minuscule. The idea of a space, which makes our vast universe seem like a tiny dot, is a thought so profound that it’s hard to contemplate. Recently, the awareness that infinite space has always existed and will continue to exist, without origin or cause, fills me with a feeling I find hard to face."
"Well," said Eugene, turning as he thought he heard a slight noise, "that is certainly the sanest interpretation of the limitations of human thought I have ever read"—and then seeing the tiny Angela enter, clad in a baggy little sleeping suit which was not unrelated to a Harlequin costume, he smiled, for he knew her wheedling, shifty moods and tricks.
"Well," said Eugene, turning as he thought he heard a faint sound, "that's definitely the most sensible take on the limits of human thinking I've ever come across"—and then, noticing the little Angela come in, dressed in a loose sleeping outfit that looked a bit like a Harlequin costume, he smiled, knowing her sneaky, unpredictable moods and tricks.
"Now what are you coming in here for?" he asked, with mock severity. "You know you oughn't to be up so late. If Auntie Myrtle catches you!"
"Now, what are you doing in here?" he asked, pretending to be stern. "You know you shouldn’t be up this late. If Auntie Myrtle finds you!"
"But I can't sleep, Daddy," she replied trickily, anxious to be with him a little while longer before the fire, and tripping coaxingly across the floor. "Won't you take me?"
"But I can't sleep, Daddy," she said playfully, eager to stay with him a little longer by the fire, and moving teasingly across the floor. "Will you take me?"
"Yes, I know all about your not being able to sleep, you scamp. You're coming in here to be cuddled. You beat it!"
"Yeah, I know you can't sleep, you little rascal. You're just coming in here to get some love. Get out of here!"
"Oh, no, Daddy!"
"Oh, no, Dad!"
"All right, then, come here." And he gathered her up in his arms and reseated himself by the fire. "Now you go to sleep or back you go to bed."
"Okay, come here." And he picked her up and sat back down by the fire. "Now you either go to sleep or you go back to bed."
She snuggled down, her yellow head in his crook'd elbow while he looked at her cheek, recalling the storm in which she had arrived.
She snuggled down, her yellow head resting in his bent elbow while he gazed at her cheek, remembering the storm that had brought her there.
"Little flower girl," he said. "Sweet little kiddie."
"Little flower girl," he said. "Sweet little kid."
His offspring made no reply. Presently he carried her asleep to her couch, tucked her in, and, coming back, went out on the brown lawn, where a late November wind rustled in the still clinging brown leaves. Overhead were the star—Orion's majestic belt and those mystic constellations that make Dippers, Bears, and that remote cloudy formation known as the Milky Way.
His kids didn't respond. Soon, he carried her, asleep, to her bed, tucked her in, and then went back outside onto the brown lawn, where a late November wind rustled the still clinging brown leaves. Above him were the stars—Orion's majestic belt and those mystical constellations that form the Dippers, Bears, and that distant cloudy shape known as the Milky Way.
"Where in all this—in substance," he thought, rubbing his hand through his hair, "is Angela? Where in substance will be that which is me? What a sweet welter life is—how rich, how tender, how grim, how like a colorful symphony."
"Where in all this—in reality," he thought, running his hand through his hair, "is Angela? Where in reality will I find what makes me, me? Life is such a beautiful jumble—how rich, how tender, how harsh, how much like a vibrant symphony."
Great art dreams welled up into his soul as he viewed the sparkling deeps of space.
Great art filled his soul as he looked at the sparkling depths of space.
"The sound of the wind—how fine it is tonight," he thought.
"The sound of the wind—how beautiful it is tonight," he thought.
Then he went quietly in and closed the door.
Then he quietly went in and shut the door.
THE END
THE END
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