This is a modern-English version of Mark Twain's Letters — Volume 4 (1886-1900), originally written by Twain, Mark. It has been thoroughly updated, including changes to sentence structure, words, spelling, and grammar—to ensure clarity for contemporary readers, while preserving the original spirit and nuance. If you click on a paragraph, you will see the original text that we modified, and you can toggle between the two versions.

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MARK TWAIN'S LETTERS 1886-1900



VOLUME IV.





By Mark Twain





ARRANGED WITH COMMENT
BY ALBERT BIGELOW PAINE










Contents






XXVI. LETTERS, 1886-87. JANE CLEMENS'S ROMANCE. UNMAILED LETTERS, ETC.

     When Clemens had been platforming with Cable and returned to
     Hartford for his Christmas vacation, the Warner and Clemens families
     had joined in preparing for him a surprise performance of The Prince
     and the Pauper.  The Clemens household was always given to
     theatricals, and it was about this time that scenery and a stage
     were prepared—mainly by the sculptor Gerhardt—for these home
     performances, after which productions of The Prince and the Pauper
     were given with considerable regularity to audiences consisting of
     parents and invited friends.  The subject is a fascinating one, but
     it has been dwelt upon elsewhere.—[In Mark Twain: A on***n,
     chaps.  cliii and clx.]—We get a glimpse of one of these occasions
     as well as of Mark Twain's financial progress in the next brief
When Clemens had been performing with Cable and returned to Hartford for his Christmas vacation, the Warner and Clemens families teamed up to prepare a surprise show of The Prince and the Pauper for him. The Clemens household was always into theatrics, and around this time, they set up scenery and a stage—mainly thanks to the sculptor Gerhardt—for these home performances. Afterward, productions of The Prince and the Pauper were held regularly for audiences made up of parents and invited friends. The topic is an interesting one, but it's been discussed in other places.—[In Mark Twain: A on***n, chaps. cliii and clx.]—We get a glimpse of one of these events as well as Mark Twain's financial growth in the next brief










To W. D. Howells; in Boston:

To W. D. Howells; in Boston:

                                             Jan.  3, '86.
Jan. 3, 1986.

MY DEAR HOWELLS,—The date set for the Prince and Pauper play is ten days hence—Jan. 13. I hope you and Pilla can take a train that arrives here during the day; the one that leaves Boston toward the end of the afternoon would be a trifle late; the performance would have already begun when you reached the house.

MY DEAR HOWELLS,—The date for the Prince and Pauper play is in ten days—January 13. I hope you and Pilla can catch a train that gets here during the day; the one that leaves Boston in the late afternoon would be a bit too late; the performance will have already started by the time you arrive at the house.

I'm out of the woods. On the last day of the year I had paid out $182,000 on the Grant book and it was totally free from debt.

I'm in the clear now. On the last day of the year, I had spent $182,000 on the Grant book, and it was completely debt-free.

                                              Yrs ever

                                                  MARK.
Your's forever

                                                  MARK.
     Mark Twain's mother was a woman of sturdy character and with a keen
     sense of humor and tender sympathies.  Her husband, John Marshall
     Clemens, had been a man of high moral character, honored by all who
     knew him, respected and apparently loved by his wife.  No one would
     ever have supposed that during all her years of marriage, and almost
     to her death, she carried a secret romance that would only be told
     at last in the weary disappointment of old age.  It is a curious
     story, and it came to light in this curious way:
     Mark Twain's mother was a strong woman with a sharp sense of humor and a compassionate nature. Her husband, John Marshall Clemens, was a man of high moral integrity, respected by everyone who knew him and seemingly loved by his wife. No one would have guessed that throughout their marriage and almost until her death, she held onto a secret romance that would only be revealed in the tired disappointment of old age. It’s an interesting story, and it came to light in this intriguing way:










To W. D. Howells, in Boston:

To W. D. Howells, in Boston:

                                        HARTFORD, May 19, '86.
HARTFORD, May 19, 1986.

MY DEAR HOWELLS,—..... Here's a secret. A most curious and pathetic romance, which has just come to light. Read these things, but don't mention them. Last fall, my old mother—then 82—took a notion to attend a convention of old settlers of the Mississippi Valley in an Iowa town. My brother's wife was astonished; and represented to her the hardships and fatigues of such a trip, and said my mother might possibly not even survive them; and said there could be no possible interest for her in such a meeting and such a crowd. But my mother insisted, and persisted; and finally gained her point. They started; and all the way my mother was young again with excitement, interest, eagerness, anticipation. They reached the town and the hotel. My mother strode with the same eagerness in her eye and her step, to the counter, and said:

MY DEAR HOWELLS,—..... Here's a secret. A fascinating and touching story has just come to light. Read this, but don't tell anyone. Last fall, my old mother—then 82—decided to go to a convention of old settlers from the Mississippi Valley in an Iowa town. My brother's wife was shocked and pointed out the hardships and exhaustion of such a trip, and mentioned that my mother might not even survive it; she argued that there wouldn’t be anything interesting for her at that meeting with all those people. But my mother was determined and pushed through; eventually, she got her way. They set off, and all the way, my mother felt young again with excitement, curiosity, eagerness, and anticipation. They arrived at the town and the hotel. My mother approached the counter with the same eagerness in her eyes and her step, and said:

“Is Dr. Barrett of St. Louis, here?”

“Is Dr. Barrett from St. Louis here?”

“No. He was here, but he returned to St. Louis this morning.”

“No. He was here, but he went back to St. Louis this morning.”

“Will he come again?”

“Will he come back?”

“No.”

“Nope.”

My mother turned away, the fire all gone from her, and said, “Let us go home.”

My mother turned away, her energy completely drained, and said, “Let’s go home.”

They went straight back to Keokuk. My mother sat silent and thinking for many days—a thing which had never happened before. Then one day she said:

They went straight back to Keokuk. My mom sat in silence, deep in thought for many days—a situation that had never occurred before. Then one day she said:

“I will tell you a secret. When I was eighteen, a young medical student named Barrett lived in Columbia (Ky.) eighteen miles away; and he used to ride over to see me. This continued for some time. I loved him with my whole heart, and I knew that he felt the same toward me, though no words had been spoken. He was too bashful to speak—he could not do it. Everybody supposed we were engaged—took it for granted we were—but we were not. By and by there was to be a party in a neighboring town, and he wrote my uncle telling him his feelings, and asking him to drive me over in his buggy and let him (Barrett) drive me back, so that he might have that opportunity to propose. My uncle should have done as he was asked, without explaining anything to me; but instead, he read me the letter; and then, of course, I could not go—and did not. He (Barrett) left the country presently, and I, to stop the clacking tongues, and to show him that I did not care, married, in a pet. In all these sixty-four years I have not seen him since. I saw in a paper that he was going to attend that Old Settlers' Convention. Only three hours before we reached that hotel, he had been standing there!”

“I'll share a secret with you. When I was eighteen, a young medical student named Barrett lived in Columbia, Kentucky, eighteen miles away, and he would ride over to see me. This went on for a while. I loved him with all my heart, and I knew he felt the same way about me, even though we hadn’t said anything. He was too shy to speak—he just couldn’t do it. Everyone assumed we were engaged—everyone just took it for granted—but we weren’t. Eventually, there was going to be a party in a nearby town, and he wrote my uncle expressing his feelings and asking him to take me over in his buggy and let Barrett drive me back, so he could have the chance to propose. My uncle should have just done what he was asked, without telling me anything; instead, he read me the letter, and of course, I couldn’t go—and I didn’t. Barrett soon left town, and to silence the gossip and show him I didn’t care, I married someone else in a fit of anger. In all these sixty-four years, I haven’t seen him since. I read in a newspaper that he was going to attend that Old Settlers' Convention. Only three hours before we got to that hotel, he had been standing there!”

Since then, her memory is wholly faded out and gone; and now she writes letters to the school-mates who had been dead forty years, and wonders why they neglect her and do not answer.

Since then, her memory has completely faded away; and now she writes letters to her schoolmates who have been dead for forty years, and wonders why they ignore her and don’t reply.

Think of her carrying that pathetic burden in her old heart sixty-four years, and no human being ever suspecting it!

Think of her carrying that sad burden in her weary heart for sixty-four years, and no one ever suspecting it!

                              Yrs ever,

                                        MARK.

     We do not get the idea from this letter that those two long
     ago sweethearts quarreled, but Mark Twain once spoke of
     their having done so, and there may have been a
     disagreement, assuming that there was a subsequent meeting.
     It does not matter, now.  In speaking of it, Mark Twain once
     said: “It is as pathetic a romance as any that has crossed
     the field of my personal experience in a long lifetime.”—
     [When Mark Twain: A Biography was written this letter had
     not come to light, and the matter was stated there in
     accordance with Mark Twain's latest memory of it.]

     Howells wrote: “After all, how poor and hackneyed all the
     inventions are compared with the simple and stately facts.
     Who could have imagined such a heart-break as that?  Yet it
     went along with the fulfillment of everyday duty and made no
     more noise than a grave under foot.  I doubt if fiction will
     ever get the knack of such things.”

     Jane Clemens now lived with her son Orion and his wife, in
     Keokuk, where she was more contented than elsewhere.  In
     these later days her memory had become erratic, her
     realization of events about her uncertain, but there were
     times when she was quite her former self, remembering
     clearly and talking with her old-time gaiety of spirit.
     Mark Twain frequently sent her playful letters to amuse her,
     letters full of such boyish gaiety as had amused her long
     years before.  The one that follows is a fair example.  It
     was written after a visit which Clemens and his family had
     paid to Keokuk.
                              Yrs ever,

                                        MARK.

     We don't get the impression from this letter that those two long-ago sweethearts had a fight, but Mark Twain once mentioned that they might have, and there could have been a disagreement if they met afterward. It doesn't really matter now. In discussing it, Mark Twain once said, “It is as touching a romance as any that has crossed the landscape of my personal experience in a long lifetime.”— [When Mark Twain: A Biography was written, this letter had not been discovered, and the matter was presented there based on Mark Twain's most recent memory of it.]

     Howells wrote: “After all, how poor and clichéd all the inventions are compared with the simple and dignified facts. Who could have imagined such heartache? Yet it went on alongside the fulfillment of everyday duties and made no more noise than a grave beneath our feet. I doubt that fiction will ever master such things.”

     Jane Clemens now lived with her son Orion and his wife in Keokuk, where she felt more content than anywhere else. In her later years, her memory had become unreliable, and her grasp of the events around her was uncertain, but there were times when she was just like her old self, recalling clearly and chatting with her former cheerful spirit. Mark Twain often sent her playful letters to keep her entertained, letters filled with the same boyish joy that had amused her many years earlier. The one that follows is a good example. It was written after a visit that Clemens and his family had made to Keokuk.










To Jane Clemens, in Keokuk:

To Jane Clemens in Keokuk:

                                             ELMIRA, Aug. 7, '86.
ELMIRA, Aug. 7, 1986.

DEAR MA,—I heard that Molly and Orion and Pamela had been sick, but I see by your letter that they are much better now, or nearly well. When we visited you a month ago, it seemed to us that your Keokuk weather was pretty hot; Jean and Clara sat up in bed at Mrs. McElroy's and cried about it, and so did I; but I judge by your letter that it has cooled down, now, so that a person is comparatively comfortable, with his skin off. Well it did need cooling; I remember that I burnt a hole in my shirt, there, with some ice cream that fell on it; and Miss Jenkins told me they never used a stove, but cooked their meals on a marble-topped table in the drawing-room, just with the natural heat. If anybody else had told me, I would not have believed it. I was told by the Bishop of Keokuk that he did not allow crying at funerals, because it scalded the furniture. If Miss Jenkins had told me that, I would have believed it. This reminds me that you speak of Dr. Jenkins and his family as if they were strangers to me. Indeed they are not. Don't you suppose I remember gratefully how tender the doctor was with Jean when she hurt her arm, and how quickly he got the pain out of the hurt, whereas I supposed it was going to last at least an hour? No, I don't forget some things as easily as I do others.

DEAR MA,—I heard that Molly, Orion, and Pamela had been sick, but I see from your letter that they are much better now, or almost well. When we visited you a month ago, it felt like the weather in Keokuk was really hot; Jean and Clara sat up in bed at Mrs. McElroy's and cried about it, and so did I; but I gather from your letter that it's cooled down now, making it relatively comfortable. It definitely needed to cool off; I remember I burned a hole in my shirt there when some ice cream fell on it, and Miss Jenkins told me they never used a stove but cooked their meals on a marble-topped table in the drawing-room just with the natural heat. If anyone else had told me that, I wouldn't have believed it. The Bishop of Keokuk told me he didn’t allow crying at funerals because it damaged the furniture. If Miss Jenkins had told me that, I would have believed it. This reminds me that you talk about Dr. Jenkins and his family as if they were strangers to me. They’re definitely not. Don’t you think I remember how caring the doctor was with Jean when she hurt her arm and how quickly he relieved the pain, while I thought it was going to last at least an hour? No, there are some things I don't forget as easily as others.

Yes, it was pretty hot weather. Now here, when a person is going to die, he is always in a sweat about where he is going to; but in Keokuk of course they don't care, because they are fixed for everything. It has set me reflecting, it has taught me a lesson. By and by, when my health fails, I am going to put all my affairs in order, and bid good-bye to my friends here, and kill all the people I don't like, and go out to Keokuk and prepare for death.

Yes, the weather was pretty hot. Here, when someone is about to die, they usually worry about where they're going. But in Keokuk, they don’t care because they have everything sorted out. This has got me thinking; it has taught me a lesson. Eventually, when my health declines, I plan to get my affairs in order, say goodbye to my friends here, eliminate all the people I dislike, and head to Keokuk to prepare for death.

They are all well in this family, and we all send love.

They’re all doing well in this family, and we all send our love.

                                   Affly Your Son
                                                  SAM.
Love, Your Son  
                                                  SAM.
     The ways of city officials and corporations are often past
     understanding, and Mark Twain sometimes found it necessary to write
     picturesque letters of protest.  The following to a Hartford
     lighting company is a fair example of these documents.
     The actions of city officials and corporations are often hard to grasp, and Mark Twain sometimes felt it was important to write colorful letters of protest. The following one to a Hartford lighting company is a good example of these letters.










To a gas and electric-lighting company, in Hartford:

To a gas and electric lighting company in Hartford:

GENTLEMEN,—There are but two places in our whole street where lights could be of any value, by any accident, and you have measured and appointed your intervals so ingeniously as to leave each of those places in the centre of a couple of hundred yards of solid darkness. When I noticed that you were setting one of your lights in such a way that I could almost see how to get into my gate at night, I suspected that it was a piece of carelessness on the part of the workmen, and would be corrected as soon as you should go around inspecting and find it out. My judgment was right; it is always right, when you axe concerned. For fifteen years, in spite of my prayers and tears, you persistently kept a gas lamp exactly half way between my gates, so that I couldn't find either of them after dark; and then furnished such execrable gas that I had to hang a danger signal on the lamp post to keep teams from running into it, nights. Now I suppose your present idea is, to leave us a little more in the dark.

GENTLEMEN,—There are only two spots on our entire street where lights could actually be useful, and you’ve managed to space them out so cleverly that both spots are surrounded by a couple of hundred yards of complete darkness. When I saw that you were positioning one of your lights in a way that I could nearly see how to get into my gate at night, I thought it was just a mistake by the workers and that it would be fixed once you came around to inspect it. My judgment was correct; it's always correct when you’re involved. For fifteen years, despite my pleas and frustrations, you stubbornly placed a gas lamp directly halfway between my gates, making it impossible for me to find either one after dark; and then provided such terrible gas that I had to put up a warning sign on the lamp post to prevent vehicles from crashing into it at night. Now I guess your current plan is to keep us even more in the dark.

Don't mind us—out our way; we possess but one vote apiece, and no rights which you are in any way bound to respect. Please take your electric light and go to—but never mind, it is not for me to suggest; you will probably find the way; and any way you can reasonably count on divine assistance if you lose your bearings.

Don't worry about us—over here; we each only have one vote, and we have no rights that you're obligated to respect. Just take your electric light and go to—but never mind, it's not for me to suggest; you'll probably figure it out; and in any case, you can reasonably expect divine help if you get lost.

                                   S. L. CLEMENS.
Mark Twain.

[Etext Editor's Note: Twain wrote another note to Hartford Gas and Electric, which he may not have mailed and which Paine does not include in these volumes:

“Gentleman:—Someday you are going to move me almost to the point of irritation with your God-damned chuckle headed fashion of turning off your God-damned gas without giving notice to your God-damned parishioners—and you did it again last night—” D.W.]

[Etext Editor's Note: Twain wrote another note to Hartford Gas and Electric, which he may not have mailed and which Paine does not include in these volumes:

“Gentlemen:—One of these days, you're going to annoy me with your ridiculous way of turning off the gas without notifying your customers—and you did it again last night—” D.W.]


     Frequently Clemens did not send letters of this sort after they were
     written.  Sometimes he realized the uselessness of such protest,
     sometimes the mere writing of them had furnished the necessary
     relief, and he put, the letter away, or into the wastebasket, and
     wrote something more temperate, or nothing at all.  A few such
     letters here follow.

     Clemens was all the time receiving application from people who
     wished him to recommend one article or another; books, plays,
     tobacco, and what not.  They were generally persistent people,
     unable to accept a polite or kindly denial.  Once he set down some
     remarks on this particular phase of correspondence.  He wrote:
     Often, Clemens didn’t send letters like this after he wrote them. Sometimes he realized that such protests were pointless, and other times just writing them provided the relief he needed, so he would put the letter away or toss it in the trash and write something more reasonable, or nothing at all. Here are a few of those letters.

     Clemens constantly received requests from people asking him to recommend various things like books, plays, tobacco, and so on. They were usually tenacious individuals, unable to accept a polite or friendly refusal. At one point, he noted some thoughts on this specific aspect of correspondence. He wrote:

I

I

No doubt Mr. Edison has been offered a large interest in many and many an electrical project, for the use of his name to float it withal. And no doubt all men who have achieved for their names, in any line of activity whatever, a sure market value, have been familiar with this sort of solicitation. Reputation is a hall-mark: it can remove doubt from pure silver, and it can also make the plated article pass for pure.

No doubt Mr. Edison has been approached with a significant stake in numerous electrical projects, using his name to help promote them. And it’s clear that anyone who has built a reputable name in any field has faced this kind of request. Reputation is a badge of honor: it can distinguish real quality from mere pretenders, allowing even lesser products to appear genuine.

And so, people without a hall-mark of their own are always trying to get the loan of somebody else's.

And so, people without their own identification are always trying to borrow someone else's.

As a rule, that kind of a person sees only one side of the case. He sees that his invention or his painting or his book is—apparently—a trifle better than you yourself can do, therefore why shouldn't you be willing to put your hall-mark on it? You will be giving the purchaser his full money's worth; so who is hurt, and where is the harm? Besides, are you not helping a struggling fellow-craftsman, and is it not your duty to do that?

As a rule, that type of person only sees one side of the situation. They notice that their invention, painting, or book is—apparently—a little better than what you can create, so why shouldn't you be willing to stamp your name on it? You would be giving the buyer their money's worth, so who gets hurt, and what's the harm? Besides, aren't you helping a fellow creator who's having a tough time, and isn't it your responsibility to do that?

That side is plenty clear enough to him, but he can't and won't see the other side, to-wit: that you are a rascal if you put your hall-mark upon a thing which you did not produce yourself, howsoever good it may be. How simple that is; and yet there are not two applicants in a hundred who can, be made to see it.

That side is clear enough to him, but he can't and won't see the other side, which is: you are a fraud if you put your stamp on something you didn't create yourself, no matter how good it is. How simple that is; yet there aren’t two applicants in a hundred who can be made to understand it.

When one receives an application of this sort, his first emotion is an indignant sense of insult; his first deed is the penning of a sharp answer. He blames nobody but that other person. That person is a very base being; he must be; he would degrade himself for money, otherwise it would not occur to him that you would do such a thing. But all the same, that application has done its work, and taken you down in your own estimation. You recognize that everybody hasn't as high an opinion of you as you have of yourself; and in spite of you there ensues an interval during which you are not, in your own estimation as fine a bird as you were before.

When you get an application like this, your first feeling is a strong sense of insult; your immediate reaction is to write a sharp reply. You don’t blame anyone but that other person. That person is really low; they must be, to lower themselves for money, or else they wouldn’t even think of you doing something like that. Still, that application has done its job and made you feel worse about yourself. You realize that not everyone thinks as highly of you as you do of yourself, and despite your feelings, there’s a moment where you don’t see yourself as such a great person as you did before.

However, being old and experienced, you do not mail your sharp letter, but leave it lying a day. That saves you. For by that time you have begun to reflect that you are a person who deals in exaggerations—and exaggerations are lies. You meant yours to be playful, and thought you made them unmistakably so. But you couldn't make them playfulnesses to a man who has no sense of the playful and can see nothing but the serious side of things. You rattle on quite playfully, and with measureless extravagance, about how you wept at the tomb of Adam; and all in good time you find to your astonishment that no end of people took you at your word and believed you. And presently they find out that you were not in earnest. They have been deceived; therefore, (as they argue—and there is a sort of argument in it,) you are a deceiver. If you will deceive in one way, why shouldn't you in another? So they apply for the use of your trade-mark. You are amazed and affronted. You retort that you are not that kind of person. Then they are amazed and affronted; and wonder “since when?”

However, being older and wiser, you don't send your harsh letter right away; instead, you let it sit for a day. That decision saves you. By then, you start to realize that you tend to exaggerate—and exaggerations are just lies. You intended yours to be playful and thought you made that clear. But you couldn't convey that playfulness to someone who views everything seriously and misses the fun side. You talk on and on in a lighthearted manner, with endless exaggeration, about how you cried at Adam's tomb; and eventually, you’re shocked to discover that quite a few people took you seriously and believed you. Then, they soon find out you weren't serious after all. They feel deceived; so, they conclude (and there's logic in it) that you are a deceiver. If you can deceive in one way, why not in another? So they claim rights to your style. You’re taken aback and offended. You argue that you're not that kind of person. Then they are just as shocked and offended and wonder “since when?”

By this time you have got your bearings. You realize that perhaps there is a little blame on both sides. You are in the right frame, now. So you write a letter void of offense, declining. You mail this one; you pigeon-hole the other.

By this point, you have a clear understanding. You recognize that there might be some fault on both sides. You’re in a good mindset now. So you write a letter that's diplomatic, saying no. You send this one; you file away the other.

That is, being old and experienced, you do, but early in your career, you don't: you mail the first one.

That is, when you're older and more experienced, you do, but at the start of your career, you don’t: you send the first one.

II

II

An enthusiast who had a new system of musical notation, wrote to me and suggested that a magazine article from me, contrasting the absurdities of the old system with the simplicities of his new one, would be sure to make a “rousing hit.” He shouted and shouted over the marvels wrought by his system, and quoted the handsome compliments which had been paid it by famous musical people; but he forgot to tell me what his notation was like, or what its simplicities consisted in. So I could not have written the article if I had wanted to—which I didn't; because I hate strangers with axes to grind. I wrote him a courteous note explaining how busy I was—I always explain how busy I am—and casually drooped this remark:

An enthusiastic person with a new musical notation system reached out to me, suggesting that I write a magazine article comparing the ridiculousness of the old system with the simplicity of his new one. He went on and on about how amazing his system was and shared the glowing praise it had received from well-known musicians; however, he neglected to inform me about what his notation actually looked like or what made it simple. So, I couldn't have written the article even if I had wanted to—which I didn't, because I dislike people who are pushing their own agendas. I sent him a polite note explaining how busy I was—I always mention how busy I am—and casually added this remark:

“I judge the X-X notation to be a rational mode of representing music, in place of the prevailing fashion, which was the invention of an idiot.”

“I think the X-X notation is a sensible way to represent music, compared to the popular method, which was created by an idiot.”

Next mail he asked permission to print that meaningless remark. I answered, no—courteously, but still, no; explaining that I could not afford to be placed in the attitude of trying to influence people with a mere worthless guess. What a scorcher I got, next mail! Such irony! such sarcasm, such caustic praise of my superhonorable loyalty to the public! And withal, such compassion for my stupidity, too, in not being able to understand my own language. I cannot remember the words of this letter broadside, but there was about a page used up in turning this idea round and round and exposing it in different lights.

Next mail, he asked if he could print that pointless remark. I replied, no—politely, but still, no; explaining that I couldn't risk trying to influence people with a worthless guess. What a scathing response I got in the next mail! So much irony! So much sarcasm, and such biting praise for my so-called honorable loyalty to the public! And on top of that, so much sympathy for my stupidity, too, for not being able to understand my own words. I can’t remember the exact wording of that letter, but it took about a page to twist that idea around and show it in different lights.

                             Unmailed Answer:
Unsent Response:

DEAR SIR,—What is the trouble with you? If it is your viscera, you cannot have them taken out and reorganized a moment too soon. I mean, if they are inside. But if you are composed of them, that is another matter. Is it your brain? But it could not be your brain. Possibly it is your skull: you want to look out for that. Some people, when they get an idea, it pries the structure apart. Your system of notation has got in there, and couldn't find room, without a doubt that is what the trouble is. Your skull was not made to put ideas in, it was made to throw potatoes at.

DEAR SIR,—What’s wrong with you? If it’s your insides, you can’t have them removed and fixed up too soon. I mean, if they’re inside you. But if you’re made up of them, that’s a different story. Is it your brain? But it can’t be your brain. Maybe it’s your skull: you should be careful about that. Some people, when they get an idea, it can split their mind apart. Your system of notation has gotten in there and taken up space, no doubt that’s the issue. Your skull wasn’t designed to hold ideas; it was meant for throwing potatoes.

                         Yours Truly.
Sincerely.
                              Mailed Answer:
Mailed response:

DEAR SIR,—Come, come—take a walk; you disturb the children.

DEAR SIR,—Come on—let's take a walk; you're bothering the kids.

                         Yours Truly.
Sincerely.

There was a day, now happily nearly over, when certain newspapers made a practice of inviting men distinguished in any walk of life to give their time and effort without charge to express themselves on some subject of the day, or perhaps they were asked to send their favorite passages in prose or verse, with the reasons why. Such symposiums were “features” that cost the newspapers only the writing of a number of letters, stationery, and postage. To one such invitation Mark Twain wrote two replies. They follow herewith:

There was a day, now happily almost over, when some newspapers would invite well-known figures from various fields to share their time and thoughts for free on a current topic, or they might be asked to submit their favorite quotes in prose or poetry along with their reasons why. These gatherings were "features" that only cost the newspapers the price of some letters, stationery, and postage. To one such invitation, Mark Twain wrote two replies. They are included here:

                             Unmailed Answer:
Unsent Reply:

DEAR SIR,—I have received your proposition—which you have imitated from a pauper London periodical which had previously imitated the idea of this sort of mendicancy from seventh-rate American journalism, where it originated as a variation of the inexpensive “interview.”

DEAR SIR,—I have received your proposal—which you copied from a cheap London magazine that had previously taken the idea of this kind of begging from low-tier American journalism, where it started as a twist on the low-cost “interview.”

Why do you buy Associated Press dispatches? To make your paper the more salable, you answer. But why don't you try to beg them? Why do you discriminate? I can sell my stuff; why should I give it to you? Why don't you ask me for a shirt? What is the difference between asking me for the worth of a shirt and asking me for the shirt itself? Perhaps you didn't know you were begging. I would not use that argument—it makes the user a fool. The passage of poetry—or prose, if you will—which has taken deepest root in my thought, and which I oftenest return to and dwell upon with keenest no matter what, is this: That the proper place for journalists who solicit literary charity is on the street corner with their hats in their hands.

Why do you buy Associated Press articles? To make your paper more appealing, you say. But why don’t you try asking for them for free? Why do you make that distinction? I can sell my work; why should I just give it to you? Why don’t you ask me for a shirt? What’s the difference between asking for the value of a shirt and asking for the shirt itself? Maybe you didn’t realize you were essentially asking for a handout. I wouldn’t use that argument—it just makes the asker look foolish. The piece of poetry—or prose, if you prefer—that has stuck with me the most and that I often reflect on deeply is this: Journalists who seek literary handouts belong on the street corner, holding out their hats.

                              Mailed Answer:
Mailed Response:

DEAR SIR,—Your favor of recent date is received, but I am obliged by press of work to decline.

DEAR SIR,—I received your recent message, but I have to decline due to being overwhelmed with work.

     The manager of a traveling theatrical company wrote that he had
     taken the liberty of dramatizing Tom Sawyer, and would like also the
     use of the author's name—the idea being to convey to the public
     that it was a Mark Twain play.  In return for this slight favor the
     manager sent an invitation for Mark Twain to come and see the play
     —to be present on the opening night, as it were, at his (the
     manager's) expense.  He added that if the play should be a go in the
     cities there might be some “arrangement” of profits.  Apparently
     these inducements did not appeal to Mark Twain.  The long unmailed
     reply is the more interesting, but probably the briefer one that
     follows it was quite as effective.

                             Unmailed Answer:

                                             HARTFORD, Sept. 8, '87.
     The manager of a traveling theater company wrote that he had
     taken the initiative to turn Tom Sawyer into a play, and would also like to use the author's name—the idea being to let the audience know it was a Mark Twain production. In exchange for this small favor, the manager sent an invitation for Mark Twain to attend the play on opening night, at his (the manager's) expense. He mentioned that if the play did well in the cities, there might be some “arrangement” for sharing the profits. It seems these offers didn’t interest Mark Twain. The long reply that never got sent is more intriguing, but probably the shorter one that followed was just as effective.

                             Unmailed Answer:

                                             HARTFORD, Sept. 8, '87.

DEAR SIR,—And so it has got around to you, at last; and you also have “taken the liberty.” You are No. 1365. When 1364 sweeter and better people, including the author, have “tried” to dramatize Tom Sawyer and did not arrive, what sort of show do you suppose you stand? That is a book, dear sir, which cannot be dramatized. One might as well try to dramatize any other hymn. Tom Sawyer is simply a hymn, put into prose form to give it a worldly air.

DEAR SIR,—So it finally reached you; and you've also “taken the liberty.” You are No. 1365. When 1364 more talented and better people, including the author, have “attempted” to dramatize Tom Sawyer and failed, what makes you think you’ll be any different? That’s a book, dear sir, that just can’t be turned into a play. It would be just as pointless to try to dramatize any other hymn. Tom Sawyer is really just a hymn, written in prose to give it a more worldly feel.

Why the pale doubt that flitteth dim and nebulous athwart the forecastle of your third sentence? Have no fears. Your piece will be a Go. It will go out the back door on the first night. They've all done it—the 1364. So will 1365. Not one of us ever thought of the simple device of half-soling himself with a stove-lid. Ah, what suffering a little hindsight would have saved us. Treasure this hint.

Why the pale doubt that flickers dimly and vaguely across your third sentence? Don’t worry. Your piece will be a hit. It will go out the back door on the first night. They all have—the 1364. So will 1365. None of us ever thought of the simple trick of half-soling himself with a stove lid. Oh, what pain a little hindsight could have saved us. Keep this tip in mind.

How kind of you to invite me to the funeral. Go to; I have attended a thousand of them. I have seen Tom Sawyer's remains in all the different kinds of dramatic shrouds there are. You cannot start anything fresh. Are you serious when you propose to pay my expence—if that is the Susquehannian way of spelling it? And can you be aware that I charge a hundred dollars a mile when I travel for pleasure? Do you realize that it is 432 miles to Susquehanna? Would it be handy for you to send me the $43,200 first, so I could be counting it as I come along; because railroading is pretty dreary to a sensitive nature when there's nothing sordid to buck at for Zeitvertreib.

How nice of you to invite me to the funeral. Sure, I've been to a thousand of them. I've seen Tom Sawyer's remains in every dramatic outfit you can think of. You can't really start anything new. Are you serious about covering my expenses—if that's how you spell it in Susquehanna? Do you know that I charge a hundred dollars a mile when I travel for fun? It's 432 miles to Susquehanna, by the way. Would it be convenient for you to send me the $43,200 upfront, so I can count it along the way? Because traveling by train gets pretty dull for someone like me when there's nothing interesting to do for entertainment.

Now as I understand it, dear and magnanimous 1365, you are going to recreate Tom Sawyer dramatically, and then do me the compliment to put me in the bills as father of this shady offspring. Sir, do you know that this kind of a compliment has destroyed people before now? Listen.

Now as I see it, dear and generous 1365, you are going to dramatically recreate Tom Sawyer, and then do me the favor of listing me in the credits as the father of this dubious creation. Sir, do you realize that this kind of compliment has ruined people in the past? Listen.

Twenty-four years ago, I was strangely handsome. The remains of it are still visible through the rifts of time. I was so handsome that human activities ceased as if spellbound when I came in view, and even inanimate things stopped to look—like locomotives, and district messenger boys and so-on. In San Francisco, in the rainy season I was often mistaken for fair weather. Upon one occasion I was traveling in the Sonora region, and stopped for an hour's nooning, to rest my horse and myself. All the town came out to look. The tribes of Indians gathered to look. A Piute squaw named her baby for me,—a voluntary compliment which pleased me greatly. Other attentions were paid me. Last of all arrived the president and faculty of Sonora University and offered me the post of Professor of Moral Culture and the Dogmatic Humanities; which I accepted gratefully, and entered at once upon my duties. But my name had pleased the Indians, and in the deadly kindness of their hearts they went on naming their babies after me. I tried to stop it, but the Indians could not understand why I should object to so manifest a compliment. The thing grew and grew and spread and spread and became exceedingly embarrassing. The University stood it a couple of years; but then for the sake of the college they felt obliged to call a halt, although I had the sympathy of the whole faculty. The president himself said to me, “I am as sorry as I can be for you, and would still hold out if there were any hope ahead; but you see how it is: there are a hundred and thirty-two of them already, and fourteen precincts to hear from. The circumstance has brought your name into most wide and unfortunate renown. It causes much comment—I believe that that is not an over-statement. Some of this comment is palliative, but some of it—by patrons at a distance, who only know the statistics without the explanation,—is offensive, and in some cases even violent. Nine students have been called home. The trustees of the college have been growing more and more uneasy all these last months—steadily along with the implacable increase in your census—and I will not conceal from you that more than once they have touched upon the expediency of a change in the Professorship of Moral Culture. The coarsely sarcastic editorial in yesterday's Alta, headed Give the Moral Acrobat a Rest—has brought things to a crisis, and I am charged with the unpleasant duty of receiving your resignation.”

Twenty-four years ago, I was oddly handsome. The remnants of that look are still visible through the years. I was so attractive that everything around me seemed to freeze, as if under a spell, whenever I showed up. Even inanimate objects paused to take notice—like trains and delivery boys, and so on. In San Francisco, during the rainy season, I was often mistaken for good weather. Once, while traveling in the Sonora region, I took a break for lunch to rest both my horse and myself. The entire town turned out to see me. Groups of Indians gathered to take a look. A Piute woman even named her baby after me—a compliment that delighted me. I received other kinds of attention, too. Eventually, the president and faculty of Sonora University showed up and offered me the position of Professor of Moral Culture and the Dogmatic Humanities, which I happily accepted, diving right into my new role. But my name became popular among the Indians, and out of their well-meaning kindness, they continued to name their babies after me. I tried to put a stop to it, but the Indians couldn’t understand why I would object to such a flattering tribute. The situation kept escalating, becoming increasingly awkward. The University tolerated it for a couple of years, but eventually, for the sake of the college’s reputation, they felt they had to put an end to it, even though I had the support of the entire faculty. The president himself said to me, “I feel terrible for you, and I would still continue this way if there was any hope for a solution. But look at the situation: there are already a hundred and thirty-two of them, and we’re still waiting on responses from fourteen precincts. This has broken your name into widespread and unfortunate notoriety. It generates a lot of discussion—I don’t think that’s an exaggeration. Some of this discussion is sympathetic, but some—coming from patrons afar who only know the numbers without the context—can be offensive and, in some cases, even aggressive. Nine students have been brought home. The college trustees have been getting increasingly uneasy over the past few months, right along with the relentless rise in your count—and I can't hide from you that more than once, they have raised the idea of a change in the Professorship of Moral Culture. The sharply sarcastic editorial in yesterday's Alta, titled Give the Moral Acrobat a Rest—has pushed us to a breaking point, and I have the unpleasant task of asking for your resignation.”

I know you only mean me a kindness, dear 1365, but it is a most deadly mistake. Please do not name your Injun for me. Truly Yours.

I know you're just trying to be nice, dear 1365, but it's a huge mistake. Please don’t name your Injun after me. Truly Yours.

                              Mailed Answer:
Sent Response:
                                        NEW YORK, Sept. 8.  1887.
NEW YORK, Sept. 8, 1887.

DEAR SIR,—Necessarily I cannot assent to so strange a proposition. And I think it but fair to warn you that if you put the piece on the stage, you must take the legal consequences.

DEAR SIR,—I can't agree to such a weird proposal. I think it's only fair to warn you that if you put the play on stage, you'll have to deal with the legal consequences.

                         Yours respectfully,

                                   S. L. CLEMENS.
Best regards,

                                   S. L. CLEMENS.
     Before the days of international copyright no American author's
     books were pirated more freely by Canadian publishers than those of
     Mark Twain.  It was always a sore point with him that these books,
     cheaply printed, found their way into the United States, and were
     sold in competition with his better editions.  The law on the
     subject seemed to be rather hazy, and its various interpretations
     exasperating.  In the next unmailed letter Mark Twain relieves
     himself to a misguided official.  The letter is worth reading today,
     if for no other reason, to show the absurdity of copyright
     conditions which prevailed at that time.
Before international copyright, no American author's books were pirated more freely by Canadian publishers than those of Mark Twain. It always bothered him that these cheaply printed books made their way into the United States and were sold alongside his higher-quality editions. The law on this issue seemed pretty unclear, and its various interpretations were frustrating. In the next unmailed letter, Mark Twain vents to a misguided official. This letter is worth reading today, if for no other reason than to highlight the ridiculousness of the copyright conditions that existed back then.
          Unmailed Letter to H. C. Christiancy, on book Piracy:

                                             HARTFORD, Dec. 18, '87.
          Unmailed Letter to H. C. Christiancy, on book Piracy:

                                             HARTFORD, Dec. 18, '87.

H. C. CHRISTIANCY, ESQ.

H. C. Christiancy, Esq.

DEAR SIR,—As I understand it, the position of the U. S. Government is this: If a person be captured on the border with counterfeit bonds in his hands—bonds of the N. Y. Central Railway, for instance—the procedure in his case shall be as follows:

DEAR SIR,—As I understand it, the U.S. Government's stance is this: If someone is caught at the border with counterfeit bonds in their possession—like bonds of the N.Y. Central Railway, for example—the process in their case will be as follows:

1. If the N. Y. C. have not previously filed in the several police offices along the border, proof of ownership of the originals of the bonds, the government officials must collect a duty on the counterfeits, and then let them go ahead and circulate in this country.

1. If the N.Y.C. has not previously filed proof of ownership of the original bonds at the various police stations along the border, the government officials must collect a duty on the counterfeits and then allow them to circulate in this country.

2. But if there is proof already on file, then the N. Y. C. may pay the duty and take the counterfeits.

2. But if there's already proof on file, then the N.Y.C. can pay the duty and take the counterfeits.

But in no case will the United States consent to go without its share of the swag. It is delicious. The biggest and proudest government on earth turned sneak-thief; collecting pennies on stolen property, and pocketing them with a greasy and libidinous leer; going into partnership with foreign thieves to rob its own children; and when the child escapes the foreigner, descending to the abysmal baseness of hanging on and robbing the infant all alone by itself! Dear sir, this is not any more respectable than for a father to collect toll on the forced prostitution of his own daughter; in fact it is the same thing. Upon these terms, what is a U. S. custom house but a “fence?” That is all it is: a legalized trader in stolen goods.

But under no circumstances will the United States agree to miss out on its share of the loot. It's tempting. The largest and most esteemed government on the planet acting like a petty thief; collecting coins from stolen property and shoving them into its pockets with a greasy and lustful grin; teaming up with foreign crooks to exploit its own people; and when the victim escapes from the foreigner, sinking to the lowest of lows by clinging on and robbing the helpless child all by itself! Dear sir, this is no more respectable than a father collecting fees from the forced sex work of his own daughter; it’s essentially the same thing. On these terms, what is a U.S. customs house but a “fence?” That’s all it is: a legalized dealer in stolen goods.

And this nasty law, this filthy law, this unspeakable law calls itself a “regulation for the protection of owners of copyright!” Can sarcasm go further than that? In what way does it protect them? Inspiration itself could not furnish a rational answer to that question. Whom does it protect, then? Nobody, as far as I can see, but the foreign thief—sometimes—and his fellow-footpad the U. S. government, all the time. What could the Central Company do with the counterfeit bonds after it had bought them of the star spangled banner Master-thief? Sell them at a dollar apiece and fetch down the market for the genuine hundred-dollar bond? What could I do with that 20-cent copy of “Roughing It” which the United States has collared on the border and is waiting to release to me for cash in case I am willing to come down to its moral level and help rob myself? Sell it at ten or fifteen cents—duty added—and destroy the market for the original $3,50 book? Who ever did invent that law? I would like to know the name of that immortal jackass.

And this awful law, this disgusting law, this unbelievable law calls itself a “regulation for the protection of copyright owners!” Can sarcasm go any further than that? How does it actually protect them? Even inspiration couldn’t come up with a reasonable answer to that question. So who does it protect? As far as I can tell, nobody, except for the foreign thief—sometimes—and his buddy, the U.S. government, all the time. What could the Central Company do with the fake bonds after it bought them from the stars-and-stripes master thief? Sell them for a dollar each and ruin the market for the real hundred-dollar bond? What could I do with that 20-cent copy of “Roughing It” that the United States has seized at the border, just waiting to hand it back to me for cash if I’m willing to lower myself to its level and help rob myself? Sell it for ten or fifteen cents—plus duties—and wreck the market for the original $3.50 book? Who even came up with that law? I’d like to know the name of that unforgettable idiot.

Dear sir, I appreciate your courtesy in stretching your authority in the desire to do me a kindness, and I sincerely thank you for it. But I have no use for that book; and if I were even starving for it I would not pay duty on in either to get it or suppress it. No doubt there are ways in which I might consent to go into partnership with thieves and fences, but this is not one of them. This one revolts the remains of my self-respect; turns my stomach. I think I could companion with a highwayman who carried a shot-gun and took many risks; yes, I think I should like that if I were younger; but to go in with a big rich government that robs paupers, and the widows and orphans of paupers and takes no risk—why the thought just gags me.

Dear sir, I appreciate your kindness in extending your authority to help me, and I sincerely thank you for it. However, I have no use for that book; and even if I were desperate for it, I wouldn't pay taxes on it to obtain or destroy it. I'm sure there are ways I could consider partnering with thieves and fences, but this isn't one of them. This idea offends the little self-respect I have left; it makes my stomach turn. I think I could team up with a robber who carried a shotgun and took lots of risks; yes, I think I would have liked that if I were younger. But teaming up with a wealthy government that robs the poor, including the widows and orphans of the poor, and takes no risk—just the thought of it makes me nauseous.

Oh, no, I shall never pay any duties on pirated books of mine. I am much too respectable for that—yet awhile. But here—one thing that grovels me is this: as far as I can discover—while freely granting that the U. S. copyright laws are far and away the most idiotic that exist anywhere on the face of the earth—they don't authorize the government to admit pirated books into this country, toll or no toll. And so I think that that regulation is the invention of one of those people—as a rule, early stricken of God, intellectually—the departmental interpreters of the laws, in Washington. They can always be depended on to take any reasonably good law and interpret the common sense all out of it. They can be depended on, every time, to defeat a good law, and make it inoperative—yes, and utterly grotesque, too, mere matter for laughter and derision. Take some of the decisions of the Post-office Department, for instance—though I do not mean to suggest that that asylum is any worse than the others for the breeding and nourishing of incredible lunatics—I merely instance it because it happens to be the first to come into my mind. Take that case of a few years ago where the P. M. General suddenly issued an edict requiring you to add the name of the State after Boston, New York, Chicago, &c, in your superscriptions, on pain of having your letter stopped and forwarded to the dead-letter office; yes, and I believe he required the county, too. He made one little concession in favor of New York: you could say “New York City,” and stop there; but if you left off the “city,” you must add “N. Y.” to your “New York.” Why, it threw the business of the whole country into chaos and brought commerce almost to a stand-still. Now think of that! When that man goes to—to—well, wherever he is going to—we shan't want the microscopic details of his address. I guess we can find him.

Oh no, I’m never going to pay any duties on my pirated books. I’m way too respectable for that—at least for now. But here’s one thing that really bothers me: as far as I can tell—while I completely admit that U.S. copyright laws are the absolute worst anywhere on earth—they don’t actually allow the government to let pirated books into this country, toll or no toll. So, I think that rule is just made up by some of those people—usually the unfortunate ones, intellectually—who interpret the laws in Washington. They can always be counted on to take a decent law and strip all the common sense out of it. They can be relied on to sabotage a good law and make it useless—yes, and totally ridiculous, too, just a joke for everyone. Take some of the decisions from the Post Office Department, for example—though I’m not saying that this place is any worse than the others for creating and nurturing crazy ideas—I mention it just because it's the first thing that came to my mind. Remember that case from a few years ago when the Postmaster General suddenly announced that you had to include the state after Boston, New York, Chicago, etc., on your envelopes, or else your letter would be stopped and sent to the dead-letter office? Yes, and I think he also required the county. He made one small exception for New York: you could write “New York City,” and that was it; but if you left off “City,” you had to add “N.Y.” to your “New York.” It completely messed up the whole business across the country and brought commerce to a near halt. Just think about that! When that guy goes to—to—well, wherever he is going, we don’t need the tiny details of his address. I’m sure we can find him.

Well, as I was saying, I believe that this whole paltry and ridiculous swindle is a pure creation of one of those cabbages that used to be at the head of one of those Retreats down there—Departments, you know—and that you will find it so, if you will look into it. And moreover—but land, I reckon we are both tired by this time.

Well, like I was saying, I think this whole pathetic and ridiculous scam is entirely made up by one of those clueless people who used to run one of those Retreats down there—Departments, you know—and you’ll see it if you look into it. And besides—but wow, I guess we’re both tired by now.

                              Truly Yours,
                                             MARK TWAIN.
Sincerely,  
                                             MARK TWAIN.




XXVII. MISCELLANEOUS LETTERS OF 1887. LITERARY ARTICLES. PEACEFUL DAYS AT THE FARM. FAVORITE READING. APOLOGY TO MRS. CLEVELAND, ETC.

We have seen in the preceding chapter how unknown aspirants in one field or another were always seeking to benefit by Mark Twain's reputation. Once he remarked, “The symbol of the human race ought to be an ax; every human being has one concealed about him somewhere.” He declared when a stranger called on him, or wrote to him, in nine cases out of ten he could distinguish the gleam of the ax almost immediately. The following letter is closely related to those of the foregoing chapter, only that this one was mailed—not once, but many times, in some form adapted to the specific applicant. It does not matter to whom it was originally written, the name would not be recognized.

We saw in the last chapter how unknown hopefuls in one area or another were always trying to take advantage of Mark Twain's reputation. He once said, “The symbol of the human race should be an ax; every person has one hidden somewhere.” He claimed that when a stranger visited or wrote to him, in nine out of ten cases, he could spot the glimmer of the ax right away. The following letter is closely related to those from the previous chapter, except this one was sent—not just once, but many times, in various forms tailored to the specific requester. It doesn't matter who it was originally addressed to; the name wouldn't be recognized.










To Mrs. T. Concerning unearned credentials, etc.

To Mrs. T. About unearned credentials, etc.

                                                  HARTFORD, 1887.
HARTFORD, 1887.

MY DEAR MADAM,—It is an idea which many people have had, but it is of no value. I have seen it tried out many and many a time. I have seen a lady lecturer urged and urged upon the public in a lavishly complimentary document signed by Longfellow, Whittier, Holmes and some others of supreme celebrity, but—there was nothing in her and she failed. If there had been any great merit in her she never would have needed those men's help and (at her rather mature age,) would never have consented to ask for it.

MY DEAR MADAM,—It’s an idea that many people have had, but it’s worthless. I’ve seen it attempted time and time again. I’ve watched as a lady lecturer was pushed onto the public through a highly complimentary document signed by Longfellow, Whittier, Holmes, and a few other well-known figures, but—she had nothing to offer and she failed. If she had any real talent, she wouldn’t have needed those men’s support and, at her rather mature age, would never have agreed to ask for it.

There is an unwritten law about human successes, and your sister must bow to that law, she must submit to its requirements. In brief this law is:

There’s an unspoken rule about human achievements, and your sister has to respect that rule; she needs to follow its demands. In summary, this rule is:

     1.  No occupation without an apprenticeship.

     2.  No pay to the apprentice.
     1.  No job without training.

     2.  No wages for the trainee.

This law stands right in the way of the subaltern who wants to be a General before he has smelt powder; and it stands (and should stand) in everybody's way who applies for pay or position before he has served his apprenticeship and proved himself. Your sister's course is perfectly plain. Let her enclose this letter to Maj. J. B. Pond, and offer to lecture a year for $10 a week and her expenses, the contract to be annullable by him at any time, after a month's notice, but not annullable by her at all. The second year, he to have her services, if he wants them, at a trifle under the best price offered her by anybody else.

This law prevents anyone from becoming a General without first having some experience, and it should apply to anyone who seeks payment or a position before completing their apprenticeship and proving their abilities. Your sister's plan is quite straightforward. She should send this letter to Maj. J. B. Pond and propose to give lectures for a year at $10 a week plus her expenses. The contract should allow him to terminate it at any time with a month's notice, but she should not be able to terminate it at all. In the second year, if he wants her services, he can have them for a bit less than the best offer she receives from anyone else.

She can learn her trade in those two years, and then be entitled to remuneration—but she can not learn it in any less time than that, unless she is a human miracle.

She can learn her trade in those two years and then be eligible for payment—but she can’t learn it in any less time than that, unless she’s a human miracle.

Try it, and do not be afraid. It is the fair and right thing. If she wins, she will win squarely and righteously, and never have to blush.

Try it, and don’t be afraid. It’s the fair and right thing to do. If she wins, she’ll win fairly and justly, and she’ll never have to feel embarrassed.

                                   Truly yours,
                                             S. L. CLEMENS.
Best regards,  
                                             S. L. CLEMENS.
     Howells wrote, in February, offering to get a publisher to take the
     Library of Humor off Mark Twain's hands.  Howells had been paid
     twenty-six hundred dollars for the work on it, and his conscience
     hurt him when he reflected that the book might never be used.  In
     this letter he also refers to one of the disastrous inventions in
     which Clemens had invested—a method of casting brass dies for
     stamping book-covers and wall-paper.  Howells's purpose was to
     introduce something of the matter into his next story.  Mark Twain's
     reply gives us a light on this particular invention.
Howells wrote in February, offering to help get a publisher to take the Library of Humor off Mark Twain's hands. Howells had been paid twenty-six hundred dollars for working on it, and he felt guilty when he thought about the fact that the book might never be used. In this letter, he also mentioned one of the failed inventions that Clemens had invested in—a method for casting brass dies for stamping book covers and wallpaper. Howells intended to include some of this in his next story. Mark Twain's reply sheds light on this particular invention.
                                             HARTFORD, Feb. 15, '87.
HARTFORD, Feb. 15, 1987.

DEAR HOWELLS,—I was in New York five days ago, and Webster mentioned the Library, and proposed to publish it a year or a year and half hence. I have written him your proposition to-day. (The Library is part of the property of the C. L. W. & Co. firm.)

DEAR HOWELLS,—I was in New York five days ago, and Webster talked about the Library, suggesting that we publish it in a year or a year and a half. I wrote him your proposal today. (The Library is part of the C. L. W. & Co. firm's assets.)

I don't remember what that technical phrase was, but I think you will find it in any Cyclopedia under the head of “Brass.” The thing I best remember is, that the self-styled “inventor” had a very ingenious way of keeping me from seeing him apply his invention: the first appointment was spoiled by his burning down the man's shop in which it was to be done, the night before; the second was spoiled by his burning down his own shop the night before. He unquestionably did both of these things. He really had no invention; the whole project was a blackmailing swindle, and cost me several thousand dollars.

I don’t recall what that technical term was, but I think you’ll find it in any encyclopedia under “Brass.” What I remember most is that the self-proclaimed “inventor” had a clever way of keeping me from watching him use his invention: the first appointment was ruined when he burned down the shop where it was supposed to happen the night before; the second was ruined when he burned down his own shop the night before. He definitely did both of those things. He didn’t actually have an invention; the whole scheme was a blackmail scam that ended up costing me several thousand dollars.

The slip you sent me from the May “Study” has delighted Mrs. Clemens and me to the marrow. To think that thing might be possible to many; but to be brave enough to say it is possible to you only, I certainly believe. The longer I live the clearer I perceive how unmatchable, how unapproachable, a compliment one pays when he says of a man “he has the courage (to utter) his convictions.” Haven't you had reviewers talk Alps to you, and then print potato hills?

The note you sent me from the May "Study" has thrilled Mrs. Clemens and me to our core. It's amazing to think that this could be a possibility for many, but I really believe it takes true bravery to say it's only possible for you. The longer I live, the more I realize how unmatched and rare it is to compliment someone by saying, "he has the courage to express his beliefs." Haven't you had reviewers talk the big game to you, then print something that falls flat?

I haven't as good an opinion of my work as you hold of it, but I've always done what I could to secure and enlarge my good opinion of it. I've always said to myself, “Everybody reads it and that's something—it surely isn't pernicious, or the most acceptable people would get pretty tired of it.” And when a critic said by implication that it wasn't high and fine, through the remark “High and fine literature is wine” I retorted (confidentially, to myself,) “yes, high and fine literature is wine, and mine is only water; but everybody likes water.”

I don't have as high an opinion of my work as you do, but I've always tried to boost my self-esteem about it. I've often told myself, “Everyone reads it, and that counts for something—it can’t be harmful, or the most respected people would lose interest.” And when a critic hinted that it wasn’t deep or sophisticated by saying “High and fine literature is like wine,” I thought to myself, “Sure, high and fine literature is wine, and mine is just water; but everyone likes water.”

You didn't tell me to return that proof-slip, so I have pasted it into my private scrap-book. None will see it there. With a thousand thanks.

You didn't ask me to return that proof-slip, so I’ve glued it into my private scrap-book. No one will see it there. Thanks a million.

                              Ys Ever
                                        MARK.
Ys Forever  
                                        MARK.
     Our next letter is an unmailed answer, but it does not belong with
     the others, having been withheld for reasons of quite a different
     sort.  Jeanette Gilder, then of the Critic, was one of Mark Twain's
     valued friends.  In the comment which he made, when it was shown to
     him twenty-two years later, he tells us why he thinks this letter
     was not sent.  The name, “Rest-and-be-Thankful,” was the official
     title given to the summer place at Elmira, but it was more often
     known as “Quarry.”
 
     Our next letter is an unsent response, but it doesn't fit with the others, as it was kept back for quite different reasons. Jeanette Gilder, who was with the Critic, was one of Mark Twain's cherished friends. In the remarks he made when it was shown to him twenty-two years later, he explains why he believes this letter was never sent. The name, “Rest-and-be-Thankful,” was the official title for the summer home in Elmira, but it was usually referred to as “Quarry.”










To Jeannette Gilder (not mailed):

To Jeannette Gilder (not sent):

                                                  HARTFORD, May 14, '87.
HARTFORD, May 14, 1987.

MY DEAR MISS GILDER,—We shall spend the summer at the same old place-the remote farm called “Rest-and-be-Thankful,” on top of the hills three miles from Elmira, N. Y. Your other question is harder to answer. It is my habit to keep four or five books in process of erection all the time, and every summer add a few courses of bricks to two or three of them; but I cannot forecast which of the two or three it is going to be. It takes seven years to complete a book by this method, but still it is a good method: gives the public a rest. I have been accused of “rushing into print” prematurely, moved thereto by greediness for money; but in truth I have never done that. Do you care for trifles of information? (Well, then, “Tom Sawyer” and “The Prince and the Pauper” were each on the stocks two or three years, and “Old Times on the Mississippi” eight.) One of my unfinished books has been on the stocks sixteen years; another seventeen. This latter book could have been finished in a day, at any time during the past five years. But as in the first of these two narratives all the action takes place in Noah's ark, and as in the other the action takes place in heaven, there seemed to be no hurry, and so I have not hurried. Tales of stirring adventure in those localities do not need to be rushed to publication lest they get stale by waiting. In twenty-one years, with all my time at my free disposal I have written and completed only eleven books, whereas with half the labor that a journalist does I could have written sixty in that time. I do not greatly mind being accused of a proclivity for rushing into print, but at the same time I don't believe that the charge is really well founded. Suppose I did write eleven books, have you nothing to be grateful for? Go to—-remember the forty-nine which I didn't write.

MY DEAR MISS GILDER,—We’ll be spending the summer at the same old spot—the secluded farm called “Rest-and-be-Thankful,” on the hills three miles from Elmira, N. Y. Your other question is tougher to answer. I usually have four or five books in progress at all times, and every summer I add a bit to two or three of them; but I can’t predict which ones it will be. It takes seven years to finish a book using this approach, but it’s still a good method: it gives the public a breather. I've been accused of “rushing into print” too soon because of a desire for money; but honestly, I’ve never done that. Do you like little bits of information? (Well, “Tom Sawyer” and “The Prince and the Pauper” each took two or three years, and “Old Times on the Mississippi” took eight.) One of my unfinished books has been in progress for sixteen years; another for seventeen. The latter could have been completed in a day anytime in the last five years. But since all the action in the first one takes place in Noah's ark, and the other takes place in heaven, there didn’t seem to be any rush, so I haven’t rushed. Stories of thrilling adventures in those settings don’t need to be published quickly for fear of getting stale. In twenty-one years, with all my free time, I’ve written and finished only eleven books, while a journalist working half as hard could have written sixty in that timeframe. I don’t mind being accused of rushing into print, but I don't think that accusation is really justified. Even if I did write eleven books, don’t you think there’s something to be thankful for? Remember the forty-nine that I didn’t write.

                              Truly Yours
                                        S. L. CLEMENS.
Sincerely,  
S. L. CLEMENS.
                  Notes (added twenty-two years later):
Notes (added 22 years later):

Stormfield, April 30, 1909. It seems the letter was not sent. I probably feared she might print it, and I couldn't find a way to say so without running a risk of hurting her. No one would hurt Jeannette Gilder purposely, and no one would want to run the risk of doing it unintentionally. She is my neighbor, six miles away, now, and I must ask her about this ancient letter.

Stormfield, April 30, 1909. It looks like the letter was never sent. I probably worried that she would publish it, and I couldn't figure out how to express that without risking hurting her. No one would ever intentionally hurt Jeannette Gilder, and no one would want to take the chance of doing it accidentally. She’s my neighbor, six miles away now, and I need to ask her about this old letter.

I note with pride and pleasure that I told no untruths in my unsent answer. I still have the habit of keeping unfinished books lying around years and years, waiting. I have four or five novels on hand at present in a half-finished condition, and it is more than three years since I have looked at any of them. I have no intention of finishing them. I could complete all of them in less than a year, if the impulse should come powerfully upon me: Long, long ago money-necessity furnished that impulse once, (“Following the Equator”), but mere desire for money has never furnished it, so far as I remember. Not even money-necessity was able to overcome me on a couple of occasions when perhaps I ought to have allowed it to succeed. While I was a bankrupt and in debt two offers were made me for weekly literary contributions to continue during a year, and they would have made a debtless man of me, but I declined them, with my wife's full approval, for I had known of no instance where a man had pumped himself out once a week and failed to run “emptyings” before the year was finished.

I'm proud to say that I didn't tell any lies in my unsent response. I still have the habit of leaving unfinished books lying around for years, just waiting. Right now, I have four or five novels sitting half-finished, and I haven't looked at any of them in over three years. I have no plans to finish them. I could wrap them all up in less than a year if I felt a strong urge to do so: a long time ago, the need for money gave me that push once ("Following the Equator"), but just wanting money has never motivated me, as far as I can remember. Even the need for money didn't get to me a couple of times when I probably should have let it. When I was bankrupt and in debt, I received two offers for weekly writing contributions for a year, which would have cleared my debts, but I turned them down with my wife's full support, because I hadn't seen a case where a guy managed to produce content weekly without running out of ideas before the year was up.

As to that “Noah's Ark” book, I began it in Edinburgh in 1873;—[This is not quite correct. The “Noah's Ark” book was begun in Buffalo in 1870.] I don't know where the manuscript is now. It was a Diary, which professed to be the work of Shem, but wasn't. I began it again several months ago, but only for recreation; I hadn't any intention of carrying it to a finish—or even to the end of the first chapter, in fact.

As for that “Noah's Ark” book, I started it in Edinburgh in 1873;—[This is not quite correct. The “Noah's Ark” book was started in Buffalo in 1870.] I have no idea where the manuscript is now. It was a diary that claimed to be written by Shem, but it wasn't. I started it again a few months ago, but only for fun; I didn’t plan to finish it—or even get to the end of the first chapter, to be honest.

As to the book whose action “takes place in Heaven.” That was a small thing, (“Captain Stormfield's Visit to Heaven.”) It lay in my pigeon-holes 40 years, then I took it out and printed it in Harper's Monthly last year.

As for the book that “takes place in Heaven,” that was a minor piece, (“Captain Stormfield's Visit to Heaven.”) It sat in my files for 40 years, then I pulled it out and published it in Harper's Monthly last year.

                         S. L. C.
S.L.C.

In the next letter we get a pretty and peaceful picture of “Rest-and-be-Thankful.” These were Mark Twain's balmy days. The financial drain of the type-machine was heavy but not yet exhausting, and the prospect of vast returns from it seemed to grow brighter each day. His publishing business, though less profitable, was still prosperous, his family life was ideal. How gratefully, then, he could enter into the peace of that “perfect day.”

In the next letter, we get a beautiful and calming image of “Rest-and-be-Thankful.” These were Mark Twain's pleasant days. The financial burden of the typewriter was significant but not yet overwhelming, and the chances of big returns from it seemed to improve with each passing day. His publishing business, while not as profitable, was still doing well, and his family life was perfect. How gratefully he could embrace the tranquility of that “perfect day.”










To Mrs. Orion Clemens, in Keokuk, Ia.:

To Mrs. Orion Clemens, in Keokuk, IA:

                                   ON THE HILL NEAR ELMIRA, July 10, '87.
                                   ON THE HILL NEAR ELMIRA, July 10, '87.

DEAR MOLLIE,—This is a superb Sunday for weather—very cloudy, and the thermometer as low as 65. The city in the valley is purple with shade, as seen from up here at the study. The Cranes are reading and loafing in the canvas-curtained summer-house 50 yards away on a higher (the highest) point; the cats are loafing over at “Ellerslie” which is the children's estate and dwellinghouse in their own private grounds (by deed from Susie Crane) a hundred yards from the study, amongst the clover and young oaks and willows. Livy is down at the house, but I shall now go and bring her up to the Cranes to help us occupy the lounges and hammocks—whence a great panorama of distant hill and valley and city is seeable. The children have gone on a lark through the neighboring hills and woods. It is a perfect day indeed.

DEAR MOLLIE,—It’s a wonderful Sunday with very cloudy weather, and the temperature is down to 65. The city in the valley looks purple with shade from up here in the study. The Cranes are reading and relaxing in the summer-house with canvas curtains, just 50 yards away on the highest point; the cats are lounging at “Ellerslie,” which is the children’s estate and house in their own private grounds (given by Susie Crane) a hundred yards from the study, among the clover and young oaks and willows. Livy is down at the house, but I’m going to bring her up to the Cranes to help us enjoy the lounges and hammocks—where there’s a fantastic view of the distant hills, valleys, and city. The kids have gone off on an adventure in the nearby hills and woods. It’s truly a perfect day.

                         With love to you all.
                                                  SAM.
Love to all.  
                                                  SAM.

Two days after this letter was written we get a hint of what was the beginning of business trouble—that is to say, of the failing health of Charles L. Webster. Webster was ambitious, nervous, and not robust. He had overworked and was paying the penalty. His trouble was neurasthenia, and he was presently obliged to retire altogether from the business. The “Sam and Mary” mentioned were Samuel Moffet and his wife.

Two days after this letter was written, we get a glimpse of what signaled the start of business issues—specifically, the deteriorating health of Charles L. Webster. Webster was ambitious, anxious, and not in great shape. He had pushed himself too hard and was facing the consequences. His issue was neurasthenia, and he soon had to step away completely from the business. The “Sam and Mary” mentioned were Samuel Moffet and his wife.










To Mrs. Pamela Moffett, in Fredonia, N. Y.

To Mrs. Pamela Moffett, in Fredonia, NY.

                                                  ELMIRA, July 12, '87
ELMIRA, July 12, 1987

MY DEAR SISTER,—I had no idea that Charley's case was so serious. I knew it was bad, and persistent, but I was not aware of the full size of the matter.

MY DEAR SISTER,—I had no clue that Charley's situation was so serious. I knew it was bad and ongoing, but I didn’t realize the extent of it.

I have just been writing to a friend in Hartford' who treated what I imagine was a similar case surgically last fall, and produced a permanent cure. If this is a like case, Charley must go to him.

I just wrote to a friend in Hartford who treated what I think was a similar case with surgery last fall, and it resulted in a permanent cure. If this is a similar case, Charley needs to see him.

If relief fails there, he must take the required rest, whether the business can stand it or not.

If relief doesn't come there, he has to take the necessary break, no matter if the work can manage without him or not.

It is most pleasant to hear such prosperous accounts of Sam and Mary, I do not see how Sam could well be more advantageously fixed. He can grow up with that paper, and achieve a successful life.

It’s really nice to hear such good news about Sam and Mary. I don’t see how Sam could be in a better position. He can grow up with that paper and have a successful life.

It is not all holiday here with Susie and Clara this time. They have to put in some little time every day on their studies. Jean thinks she is studying too, but I don't know what it is unless it is the horses; she spends the day under their heels in the stables—and that is but a continuation of her Hartford system of culture.

It’s not all fun and games for Susie and Clara this time. They have to spend some time each day on their studies. Jean thinks she’s studying too, but I’m not sure what that is unless it’s about the horses; she spends the day hanging around the stables—and that’s just an extension of her Hartford system of education.

With love from us all to you all.

With love from all of us to all of you.

                              Affectionately
                                             SAM.
Love,  
                                             SAM.

Mark Twain had a few books that he read regularly every year or two. Among these were 'Pepys's Diary', Suetonius's 'Lives of the Twelve Caesars', and Thomas Carlyle's 'French Revolution'. He had a passion for history, biography, and personal memoirs of any sort. In his early life he had cared very little for poetry, but along in the middle eighties he somehow acquired a taste for Browning and became absorbed in it. A Browning club assembled as often as once a week at the Clemens home in Hartford to listen to his readings of the master. He was an impressive reader, and he carefully prepared himself for these occasions, indicating by graduated underscorings, the exact values he wished to give to words and phrases. Those were memorable gatherings, and they must have continued through at least two winters. It is one of the puzzling phases of Mark Twain's character that, notwithstanding his passion for direct and lucid expression, he should have found pleasure in the poems of Robert Browning.

Mark Twain had a few books that he read regularly every year or two. Among these were *Pepys's Diary*, Suetonius's *Lives of the Twelve Caesars*, and Thomas Carlyle's *French Revolution*. He had a passion for history, biography, and personal memoirs of any kind. In his early life, he didn't care much for poetry, but around the mid-1880s, he somehow developed a taste for Browning and got really into it. A Browning club met as often as once a week at the Clemens home in Hartford to listen to his readings of the poet. He was an impressive reader and carefully prepared for these events, marking key parts with underlines to show the emphasis he wanted to give to words and phrases. Those were memorable gatherings, and they likely went on for at least two winters. It's one of the intriguing aspects of Mark Twain's character that, despite his love for clear and straightforward communication, he found joy in the poems of Robert Browning.










To W. D. Howells, in Boston:

To W. D. Howells, in Boston:

                                             ELMIRA, Aug.  22, '87.
ELMIRA, Aug. 22, '87.

MY DEAR HOWELLS,—How stunning are the changes which age makes in a man while he sleeps. When I finished Carlyle's French Revolution in 1871, I was a Girondin; every time I have read it since, I have read it differently being influenced and changed, little by little, by life and environment (and Taine and St. Simon): and now I lay the book down once more, and recognize that I am a Sansculotte!—And not a pale, characterless Sansculotte, but a Marat. Carlyle teaches no such gospel so the change is in me—in my vision of the evidences.

MY DEAR HOWELLS,—How surprising are the changes that age brings to a person while they sleep. When I finished reading Carlyle's French Revolution in 1871, I was a Girondin; every time I've read it since, I've seen it differently, shaped and altered, little by little, by life and my surroundings (and Taine and St. Simon): and now I put the book down again, and realize that I am a Sansculotte!—And not just a pale, indistinct Sansculotte, but a Marat. Carlyle doesn’t advocate such a belief, so the change is within me—in my perspective on the evidence.

People pretend that the Bible means the same to them at 50 that it did at all former milestones in their journey. I wonder how they can lie so. It comes of practice, no doubt. They would not say that of Dickens's or Scott's books. Nothing remains the same. When a man goes back to look at the house of his childhood, it has always shrunk: there is no instance of such a house being as big as the picture in memory and imagination call for. Shrunk how? Why, to its correct dimensions: the house hasn't altered; this is the first time it has been in focus.

People act like the Bible holds the same meaning for them at 50 as it did at every other point in their lives. I wonder how they can be so dishonest. It’s probably just habit. They wouldn’t say that about Dickens or Scott’s books. Nothing stays the same. When a person revisits their childhood home, it always seems smaller: there’s no case of such a house being as large as memory and imagination suggest. Shrunk how? Well, to its actual size: the house hasn’t changed; this is just the first time it’s been seen clearly.

Well, that's loss. To have house and Bible shrink so, under the disillusioning corrected angle, is loss-for a moment. But there are compensations. You tilt the tube skyward and bring planets and comets and corona flames a hundred and fifty thousand miles high into the field. Which I see you have done, and found Tolstoi. I haven't got him in focus yet, but I've got Browning....

Well, that's loss. To see the house and Bible shrink like that, from the disillusioned perspective, feels like loss—for a moment. But there are some upsides. You tilt the tube up towards the sky and bring planets, comets, and corona flames a hundred and fifty thousand miles high into view. I see you’ve done that and found Tolstoy. I haven’t managed to focus on him yet, but I’ve got Browning...

                                   Ys Ever
                                             MARK.
Ys Ever  
                                             MARK.
     Mention has been made already of Mark Twain's tendency to
     absentmindedness.  He was always forgetting engagements, or getting
     them wrong.  Once he hurried to an afternoon party, and finding the
     mistress of the house alone, sat down and talked to her comfortably
     for an hour or two, not remembering his errand at all.  It was only
     when he reached home that he learned that the party had taken place
     the week before.  It was always dangerous for him to make
     engagements, and he never seemed to profit by sorrowful experience.
     We, however, may profit now by one of his amusing apologies.
     Mention has already been made of Mark Twain's tendency to be forgetful. He was always missing appointments or confusing them. Once, he rushed to an afternoon party and, finding the host alone, sat down and chatted with her comfortably for an hour or two, completely forgetting his purpose. It was only when he got home that he found out the party had actually taken place the week before. It was always risky for him to make plans, and he never seemed to learn from his unfortunate experiences. We, however, can benefit now from one of his humorous apologies.










To Mrs. Grover Cleveland, in Washington:

To Mrs. Grover Cleveland, in Washington:

                                             HARTFORD, Nov.  6, 1887.
HARTFORD, Nov. 6, 1887.

MY DEAR MADAM,—I do not know how it is in the White House, but in this house of ours whenever the minor half of the administration tries to run itself without the help of the major half it gets aground. Last night when I was offered the opportunity to assist you in the throwing open the Warner brothers superb benefaction in Bridgeport to those fortunate women, I naturally appreciated the honor done me, and promptly seized my chance. I had an engagement, but the circumstances washed it out of my mind. If I had only laid the matter before the major half of the administration on the spot, there would have been no blunder; but I never thought of that. So when I did lay it before her, later, I realized once more that it will not do for the literary fraction of a combination to try to manage affairs which properly belong in the office of the business bulk of it. I suppose the President often acts just like that: goes and makes an impossible promise, and you never find it out until it is next to impossible to break it up and set things straight again. Well, that is just our way, exactly-one half of the administration always busy getting the family into trouble, and the other half busy getting it out again. And so we do seem to be all pretty much alike, after all. The fact is, I had forgotten that we were to have a dinner party on that Bridgeport date—I thought it was the next day: which is a good deal of an improvement for me, because I am more used to being behind a day or two than ahead. But that is just the difference between one end of this kind of an administration and the other end of it, as you have noticed, yourself—the other end does not forget these things. Just so with a funeral; if it is the man's funeral, he is most always there, of course—but that is no credit to him, he wouldn't be there if you depended on him to remember about it; whereas, if on the other hand—but I seem to have got off from my line of argument somehow; never mind about the funeral. Of course I am not meaning to say anything against funerals—that is, as occasions—mere occasions—for as diversions I don't think they amount to much But as I was saying—if you are not busy I will look back and see what it was I was saying.

MY DEAR MADAM,—I’m not sure how things work in the White House, but in our household, whenever the minor part of the administration tries to function without the input of the major part, it ends up in trouble. Last night, when I had the chance to help you open the Warner brothers' amazing gift in Bridgeport to those lucky women, I truly appreciated the honor and jumped at the opportunity. I had a prior engagement, but the situation made me completely forget about it. If I had just discussed the matter with the major part of the administration right then, I wouldn’t have made a mistake; but I never thought of that. So when I finally brought it up to her later, I realized again that the literary side of a partnership shouldn’t handle matters that really belong to the business side. I guess the President often does the same thing: goes and makes an unrealistic promise, and you only find out when it’s nearly impossible to break it and sort things out again. Well, that’s just how we are—one half of the administration constantly getting the family into trouble, and the other half trying to get it out. So, it seems we’re pretty much alike after all. The truth is, I had forgotten we were having a dinner party on that Bridgeport date—I thought it was the next day, which is a bit of an improvement for me since I’m usually a day or two behind rather than ahead. But that’s just how one side of this type of administration differs from the other—the other side doesn’t forget these things. It’s similar with a funeral; if it’s a man’s funeral, he typically shows up, of course—but that doesn’t really reflect well on him; he wouldn’t be there if you relied on him to remember it. Whereas, if on the other hand—but I seem to have strayed from my main point; let’s forget about the funeral. Of course, I’m not trying to say anything negative about funerals—at least as events—just that I don't think they’re very entertaining. But as I was saying—if you’re not busy, I’ll look back and see what I was talking about.

I don't seem to find the place; but anyway she was as sorry as ever anybody could be that I could not go to Bridgeport, but there was no help for it. And I, I have been not only sorry but very sincerely ashamed of having made an engagement to go without first making sure that I could keep it, and I do not know how to apologize enough for my heedless breach of good manners.

I can’t seem to find the place, but she felt as bad as anyone could that I couldn’t go to Bridgeport, but there was nothing that could be done. And I’ve not only felt sorry but genuinely ashamed for making plans without first checking if I could actually fulfill them, and I don’t know how to apologize enough for my thoughtless breach of good manners.

                    With the sincerest respect,
                                        S. L. CLEMENS.
                    With the utmost respect,
                                        S. L. CLEMENS.
     Samuel Clemens was one of the very few authors to copyright a book
     in England before the enactment of the international copyright law.
     As early as 1872 he copyrighted 'Roughing It' in England, and
     piratical publishers there respected his rights.  Finally, in 1887,
     the inland revenue office assessed him with income tax, which he
     very willingly paid, instructing his London publishers, Chatto &
     Windus, to pay on the full amount he had received from them.  But
     when the receipt for his taxes came it was nearly a yard square with
     due postage of considerable amount.  Then he wrote:
     Samuel Clemens was one of the very few authors to copyright a book
     in England before the international copyright law was put in place.
     As early as 1872, he copyrighted 'Roughing It' in England, and
     piratical publishers there respected his rights. Finally, in 1887,
     the inland revenue office assessed him for income tax, which he
     willingly paid, instructing his London publishers, Chatto &
     Windus, to pay based on the full amount he had received from them.
     But when the tax receipt arrived, it was almost a yard square with
     a considerable postage fee. Then he wrote:










To Mr. Chatto, of Chatto & Windus, in London:

To Mr. Chatto of Chatto & Windus, in London:

                                             HARTFORD, Dec. 5, '87.
HARTFORD, Dec. 5, 1887.

MY DEAR CHATTO,—Look here, I don't mind paying the tax, but don't you let the Inland Revenue Office send me any more receipts for it, for the postage is something perfectly demoralizing. If they feel obliged to print a receipt on a horse-blanket, why don't they hire a ship and send it over at their own expense?

MY DEAR CHATTO,—Listen, I don't mind paying the tax, but please make sure the Inland Revenue Office doesn't send me any more receipts for it, because the postage is just ridiculous. If they have to print a receipt on a huge piece of paper, why don't they just send it themselves at their own cost?

Wasn't it good that they caught me out with an old book instead of a new one? The tax on a new book would bankrupt a body. It was my purpose to go to England next May and stay the rest of the year, but I've found that tax office out just in time. My new book would issue in March, and they would tax the sale in both countries. Come, we must get up a compromise somehow. You go and work in on the good side of those revenue people and get them to take the profits and give me the tax. Then I will come over and we will divide the swag and have a good time.

Wasn't it great that they caught me with an old book instead of a new one? The tax on a new book would totally wipe me out. I was planning to go to England next May and stay for the rest of the year, but I found that tax office just in time. My new book would be released in March, and they would tax the sale in both countries. Come on, we need to work out a compromise somehow. You go and charm those revenue people into taking the profits and giving me the tax. Then I'll come over, and we can split the earnings and have a blast.

I wish you to thank Mr. Christmas for me; but we won't resist. The country that allows me copyright has a right to tax me.

I want you to thank Mr. Christmas for me, but we won't fight it. The country that grants me copyright has the right to tax me.

                              Sincerely Yours
                                        S. L. CLEMENS.
Best regards,  
S. L. CLEMENS.
     Another English tax assessment came that year, based on the report
     that it was understood that he was going to become an English
     resident, and had leased Buckenham Hall, Norwich, for a year.
     Clemens wrote his publishers: “I will explain that all that about
     Buckenham Hall was an English newspaper's mistake.  I was not in
     England, and if I had been I wouldn't have been at Buckenham Hall,
     anyway, but at Buckingham Palace, or I would have endeavored to find
     out the reason why.”  Clemens made literature out of this tax
     experience.  He wrote an open letter to Her Majesty Queen Victoria.
     Such a letter has no place in this collection.  It was published in
     the “Drawer” of Harper's Magazine, December, 1887, and is now
     included in the uniform edition of his works under the title of,
     “A Petition to the Queen of England.”

     From the following letter, written at the end of the year, we gather
     that the type-setter costs were beginning to make a difference in
     the Clemens economies.
     Another English tax assessment came that year, based on the report that he was planning to become an English resident and had leased Buckenham Hall, Norwich, for a year. Clemens wrote to his publishers: “I’ll clarify that all this about Buckenham Hall was a mistake from an English newspaper. I wasn’t in England, and if I had been, I wouldn’t have been at Buckenham Hall anyway, but at Buckingham Palace, or I would have tried to find out the reason why.” Clemens turned this tax experience into literature. He wrote an open letter to Her Majesty Queen Victoria. Such a letter has no place in this collection. It was published in the “Drawer” of Harper's Magazine, December 1887, and is now included in the uniform edition of his works titled, “A Petition to the Queen of England.”

     From the following letter, written at the end of the year, we can see that the typesetter costs were starting to impact Clemens' finances.










To Mrs. Moffett, in Fredonia:

To Mrs. Moffett in Fredonia:

                                             HARTFORD, Dec. 18, '87.
HARTFORD, Dec. 18, 1987.

DEAR PAMELA,—will you take this $15 and buy some candy or some other trifle for yourself and Sam and his wife to remember that we remember you, by?

DEAR PAMELA,—will you take this $15 and buy some candy or something nice for yourself and Sam and his wife to remember us by?

If we weren't a little crowded this year by the typesetter, I'd send a check large enough to buy a family Bible or some other useful thing like that. However we go on and on, but the type-setter goes on forever—at $3,000 a month; which is much more satisfactory than was the case the first seventeen months, when the bill only averaged $2,000, and promised to take a thousand years. We'll be through, now, in 3 or 4 months, I reckon, and then the strain will let up and we can breathe freely once more, whether success ensues or failure.

If we weren't a bit cramped this year because of the typesetter, I'd send a check big enough to buy a family Bible or something equally useful. But we keep pushing forward, while the typesetter just keeps going—at $3,000 a month; which is way better than it was during the first seventeen months, when the bill only averaged $2,000 and seemed like it would take forever. I think we'll be done in about 3 or 4 months, and then the pressure will ease up, and we can finally take a deep breath again, whether we succeed or fail.

Even with a type-setter on hand we ought not to be in the least scrimped—but it would take a long letter to explain why and who is to blame.

Even with a typesetter available, we shouldn't hold back at all—but it would take a long letter to explain why and who is at fault.

All the family send love to all of you and best Christmas wishes for your prosperity.

All the family sends love to all of you and best wishes for a prosperous Christmas.

                    Affectionately,
                                        SAM.
Love,  
                                        SAM.




XXVIII. LETTERS,1888. A YALE DEGREE. WORK ON “THE YANKEE.” ON INTERVIEWING, ETC.

     Mark Twain received his first college degree when he was made Master
     of Arts by Yale, in June, 1888.  Editor of the Courant, Charles H.
     Clarke, was selected to notify him of his new title.  Clarke was an
     old friend to whom Clemens could write familiarly.
     Mark Twain received his first college degree when he was awarded a Master of Arts by Yale in June 1888. Charles H. Clarke, the editor of the Courant, was chosen to inform him of his new title. Clarke was an old friend with whom Clemens could write casually.










To Charles H. Clarke, in Hartford:

To Charles H. Clarke, in Hartford:

                                                  ELMIRA, July 2, '88.
ELMIRA, July 2, 1988.

MY DEAR CHARLES,—Thanks for your thanks, and for your initiation intentions. I shall be ready for you. I feel mighty proud of that degree; in fact, I could squeeze the truth a little closer and say vain of it. And why shouldn't I be?—I am the only literary animal of my particular subspecies who has ever been given a degree by any College in any age of the world, as far as I know.

MY DEAR CHARLES,—Thanks for your thanks and for your intentions to get started. I'll be ready for you. I feel really proud of that degree; in fact, I could be a little vain about it. And why shouldn't I be?—I’m the only writer of my specific kind who has ever received a degree from any college at any time in history, as far as I know.

                                   Sincerely Yours
                                             S. L. Clemens M. A.
                                   Sincerely,  
                                             S. L. Clemens M. A.
                Reply: Charles H. Clarke to S. L Clemens:
                Reply: Charles H. Clarke to S. L. Clemens:

MY DEAR FRIEND, You are “the only literary animal of your particular subspecies” in existence and you've no cause for humility in the fact. Yale has done herself at least as much credit as she has done you, and “Don't you forget it.”

MY DEAR FRIEND, You are “the only literary animal of your particular subspecies” in existence and you have no reason to be humble about it. Yale has gained as much prestige from you as you have from her, and “Don't you forget it.”

                              C. H. C.
C.H.C.
     With the exception of his brief return to the river in 1882.  Mark
     Twain had been twenty-seven years away from pilots and piloting.
     Nevertheless, he always kept a tender place in his heart for the old
     times and for old river comrades.  Major “Jack” Downing had been a
     Mississippi pilot of early days, but had long since retired from the
     river to a comfortable life ashore, in an Ohio town.  Clemens had
     not heard from him for years when a letter came which invited the
     following answer.
     Except for his brief return to the river in 1882, Mark Twain had been away from piloting for twenty-seven years. Still, he always held a special place in his heart for the past and for his old river friends. Major “Jack” Downing was a former Mississippi pilot from earlier days, but he had retired to a comfortable life on land in an Ohio town long ago. Clemens hadn’t heard from him in years when a letter arrived that prompted the following response.










To Major “Jack” Downing, in Middleport Ohio:

To Major "Jack" Downing, in Middleport, Ohio:

                                        ELMIRA, N. Y.[no month] 1888.
ELMIRA, NY [no month] 1888.

DEAR MAJOR,—And has it come to this that the dead rise up and speak? For I supposed that you were dead, it has been so long since I heard your name.

DEAR MAJOR,—Has it really come to this that the dead get up and talk? I thought you were dead; it’s been so long since I heard your name.

And how young you've grown! I was a mere boy when I knew you on the river, where you had been piloting for 35 years, and now you are only a year and a half older than I am! I mean to go to Hot Springs myself and get 30 or 40 years knocked off my age. It's manifestly the place that Ponce de Leon was striking for, but the poor fellow lost the trail.

And look how young you’ve become! I was just a kid when I met you by the river, where you had been working for 35 years, and now you’re only a year and a half older than me! I plan to go to Hot Springs myself and knock off 30 or 40 years from my age. It’s obviously the place that Ponce de Leon was searching for, but he unfortunately lost his way.

Possibly I may see you, for I shall be in St. Louis a day or two in November. I propose to go down the river and “note the changes” once more before I make the long crossing, and perhaps you can come there. Will you? I want to see all the boys that are left alive.

Possibly I'll see you since I'll be in St. Louis for a day or two in November. I plan to go down the river and “check out the changes” once more before I make the long trip, and maybe you can meet me there. Will you? I want to see all the guys who are still around.

And so Grant Marsh, too, is flourishing yet? A mighty good fellow, and smart too. When we were taking that wood flat down to the Chambers, which was aground, I soon saw that I was a perfect lubber at piloting such a thing. I saw that I could never hit the Chambers with it, so I resigned in Marsh's favor, and he accomplished the task to my admiration. We should all have gone to the mischief if I had remained in authority. I always had good judgement, more judgement than talent, in fact.

And so Grant Marsh is still doing well, right? A really good guy and smart too. When we were taking that wood flat down to the Chambers, which was stuck, I quickly realized that I was terrible at piloting something like that. I realized I could never get it to the Chambers, so I stepped aside for Marsh, and he managed the task impressively. We would all have been in trouble if I had stayed in charge. I always had good judgment, more so than actual talent, to be honest.

No; the nom de plume did not originate in that way. Capt. Sellers used the signature, “Mark Twain,” himself, when he used to write up the antiquities in the way of river reminiscences for the New Orleans Picayune. He hated me for burlesquing them in an article in the True Delta; so four years later when he died, I robbed the corpse—that is I confiscated the nom de plume. I have published this vital fact 3,000 times now. But no matter, it is good practice; it is about the only fact that I can tell the same way every time. Very glad, indeed, to hear from you Major, and shall be gladder still to see you in November.

No; the pen name didn't come about like that. Capt. Sellers signed his own articles as “Mark Twain” when he wrote about the history of the river for the New Orleans Picayune. He really disliked me for making fun of them in a piece for the True Delta, so four years later when he passed away, I took the name—well, I claimed it. I've shared this important detail 3,000 times now. But it doesn't matter; it's good practice. It's pretty much the only fact I can tell the same way every time. I'm really glad to hear from you, Major, and I'll be even happier to see you in November.

                              Truly yours,
                                        S. L. CLEMENS.
Sincerely,  
                                        S. L. CLEMENS.
     He did not make the journey down the river planned for that year.
     He had always hoped to make another steamboat trip with Bixby, but
     one thing and another interfered and he did not go again.

     Authors were always sending their books to Mark Twain to read, and
     no busy man was ever more kindly disposed toward such offerings,
     more generously considerate of the senders.  Louis Pendleton was a
     young unknown writer in 1888, but Clemens took time to read his
     story carefully, and to write to him about it a letter that cost
     precious time, thought, and effort.  It must have rejoiced the young
     man's heart to receive a letter like that, from one whom all young
     authors held supreme.
    He didn't make the river trip he had planned for that year. He always hoped to go on another steamboat journey with Bixby, but various things got in the way, and he didn't make it again.
    
    Authors were constantly sending their books to Mark Twain for him to read, and no busy person was ever more kind and considerate of those offerings. Louis Pendleton was a young, unknown writer in 1888, but Clemens took the time to read his story carefully and wrote him a thoughtful letter that cost him valuable time and effort. It must have filled the young man's heart with joy to receive a letter like that from someone whom all young authors looked up to.










To Louis Pendleton, in Georgia:

To Louis Pendleton in Georgia:

                                        ELMIRA, N. Y., Aug. 4, '88.
                                        ELMIRA, N. Y., Aug. 4, '88.

MY DEAR SIR,—I found your letter an hour ago among some others which had lain forgotten a couple of weeks, and I at once stole time enough to read Ariadne. Stole is the right word, for the summer “Vacation” is the only chance I get for work; so, no minute subtracted from work is borrowed, it is stolen. But this time I do not repent. As a rule, people don't send me books which I can thank them for, and so I say nothing—which looks uncourteous. But I thank you. Ariadne is a beautiful and satisfying story; and true, too—which is the best part of a story; or indeed of any other thing. Even liars have to admit that, if they are intelligent liars; I mean in their private [the word conscientious written but erased] intervals. (I struck that word out because a man's private thought can never be a lie; what he thinks, is to him the truth, always; what he speaks—but these be platitudes.)

MY DEAR SIR,—I found your letter an hour ago among some others that had been sitting forgotten for a couple of weeks, and I immediately took the time to read Ariadne. "Took" is the right word because the summer “Vacation” is the only opportunity I have to work; so, no minute taken away from work is borrowed, it's stolen. But this time I don't regret it. Generally, people don’t send me books that I can thank them for, so I say nothing—which comes off as impolite. But I do thank you. Ariadne is a beautiful and fulfilling story; and true, too—which is the best part of a story; or indeed of anything else. Even liars have to acknowledge that, if they are smart enough; I mean in their private [the word conscientious written but erased] moments. (I crossed that word out because a person's private thoughts can never be a lie; what he thinks is, to him, the truth, always; what he says—but those are just clichés.)

If you want me to pick some flaws—very well—but I do it unwillingly. I notice one thing—which one may notice also in my books, and in all books whether written by man or God: trifling carelessness of statement or Expression. If I think that you meant that she took the lizard from the water which she had drawn from the well, it is evidence—it is almost proof—that your words were not as clear as they should have been. True, it is only a trifling thing; but so is mist on a mirror. I would have hung the pail on Ariadne's arm. You did not deceive me when you said that she carried it under her arm, for I knew she didn't; still it was not your right to mar my enjoyment of the graceful picture. If the pail had been a portfolio, I wouldn't be making these remarks. The engraver of a fine picture revises, and revises, and revises—and then revises, and revises, and revises; and then repeats. And always the charm of that picture grows, under his hand. It was good enough before—told its story, and was beautiful. True: and a lovely girl is lovely, with freckles; but she isn't at her level best with them.

If you want me to point out some flaws—fine—but I do it reluctantly. I notice one thing—which you can also see in my books, and in all books whether by man or God: a bit of careless wording or expression. If I think you meant that she took the lizard from the water she drew from the well, it suggests—almost proves—that your words weren't as clear as they should have been. True, it’s just a minor detail; but so is mist on a mirror. I would have hung the pail on Ariadne's arm. You didn't fool me when you said she carried it under her arm, because I knew she didn't; still, it wasn't fair to ruin my enjoyment of the lovely scene. If the pail had been a portfolio, I wouldn't be saying any of this. The engraver of a fine picture edits, and edits, and edits—then edits some more, and edits again; and with each pass, the beauty of that picture grows in his hands. It was good enough before—it told its story and was beautiful. True: and a lovely girl is lovely, even with freckles; but she’s not at her absolute best with them.

This is not hypercriticism; you have had training enough to know that.

This isn't being overly critical; you've had enough training to understand that.

So much concerning exactness of statement. In that other not-small matter—selection of the exact single word—you are hard to catch. Still, I should hold that Mrs. Walker considered that there was no occasion for concealment; that “motive” implied a deeper mental search than she expended on the matter; that it doesn't reflect the attitude of her mind with precision. Is this hypercriticism? I shan't dispute it. I only say, that if Mrs. Walker didn't go so far as to have a motive, I had to suggest that when a word is so near the right one that a body can't quite tell whether it is or isn't, it's good politics to strike it out and go for the Thesaurus. That's all. Motive may stand; but you have allowed a snake to scream, and I will not concede that that was the best word.

So much for being precise in your statements. In that other big issue—the choice of the perfect single word—you’re tough to pin down. Still, I’d argue that Mrs. Walker thought there was no need to hide anything; that “motive” suggested a deeper mental search than she put into the situation; that it doesn’t accurately reflect her state of mind. Is this being overly critical? I won’t argue it. I just think that if Mrs. Walker didn't have a motive, then when a word is so close to the right one that you can’t quite tell if it is or isn’t, it’s better to delete it and consult the Thesaurus. That’s all. “Motive” can stay; but you’ve let a snake cry out, and I won’t agree that was the best word.

I do not apologize for saying these things, for they are not said in the speck-hunting spirit, but in the spirit of want-to-help-if-I-can. They would be useful to me if said to me once a month, they may be useful to you, said once.

I don't apologize for saying this because I'm not being nitpicky; I'm trying to help if I can. It would be helpful for me to hear this once a month, and it might be helpful for you to hear it just once.

I save the other stories for my real vacation—which is nine months long, to my sorrow. I thank you again.

I save the other stories for my actual vacation—which lasts nine months, unfortunately. Thanks again.

                              Truly Yours
                                             S. L. CLEMENS.
Sincerely,  
                                             S. L. CLEMENS.
     In the next letter we get a sidelight on the type-setting machine,
     the Frankenstein monster that was draining their substance and
     holding out false hopes of relief and golden return.  The program
     here outlined was one that would continue for several years yet,
     with the end always in sight, but never quite attained.
     In the next letter, we get a glimpse into the typesetting machine, the Frankenstein monster that was exhausting their resources and giving them false hopes of relief and big rewards. The plan outlined here would go on for several more years, with the end always in sight but never quite reached.










To Orion Clemens, in Keokuk, Ia.:

To Orion Clemens, in Keokuk, IA:

                                                       Oct. 3, '88.
Oct. 3, 1988.

Private.

Confidential.

Saturday 29th, by a closely calculated estimate, there were 85 days' work to do on the machine.

Saturday 29th, by a carefully calculated estimate, there were 85 days of work left on the machine.

We can use 4 men, but not constantly. If they could work constantly it would complete the machine in 21 days, of course. They will all be on hand and under wages, and each will get in all the work there is opportunity for, but by how much they can reduce the 85 days toward the 21 days, nobody can tell.

We can use 4 men, but not all the time. If they could work non-stop, they would finish the machine in 21 days, of course. They'll all be available and getting paid, and each will do as much work as they can, but no one knows how much they can cut down the 85 days to get closer to the 21 days.










To-day I pay Pratt & Whitney $10,000. This squares back indebtedness and everything to date. They began about May or April or March 1886—along there somewhere, and have always kept from a dozen to two dozen master-hands on the machine.

Today I’m paying Pratt & Whitney $10,000. This settles all debts and everything up to now. They started around May, April, or March 1886—somewhere around that time—and have always maintained between a dozen and two dozen skilled workers on the machine.

That outgo is done; 4 men for a month or two will close up that leak and caulk it. Work on the patents is also kind of drawing toward a conclusion.

That expense is taken care of; four men working for a month or two will seal that leak and fix it up. The work on the patents is also nearing completion.

Love to you both. All well here.

Love to both of you. Everything's good here.

And give our love to Ma if she can get the idea.

And send our love to Mom if she can understand.

                                        SAM.
SAM.
     Mark Twain that year was working pretty steadily on 'The Yankee at
     King Arthur's Court', a book which he had begun two years before.
     He had published nothing since the Huck Finn story, and his company
     was badly in need of a new book by an author of distinction.  Also
     it was highly desirable to earn money for himself; wherefore he set
     to work to finish the Yankee story.  He had worked pretty steadily
     that summer in his Elmira study, but on his return to Hartford found
     a good deal of confusion in the house, so went over to Twichell's,
     where carpenter work was in progress.  He seems to have worked there
     successfully, though what improvement of conditions he found in that
     numerous, lively household, over those at home it would be difficult
     to say.
     Mark Twain was working consistently that year on 'The Yankee at King Arthur's Court', a book he had started two years earlier. He hadn’t published anything since the Huck Finn story, and his company really needed a new book from a well-known author. Plus, he wanted to make money for himself; so he got to work finishing the Yankee story. He had been working steadily that summer in his Elmira study, but when he returned to Hartford, he found a lot of chaos at home, so he went over to Twichell's place, where some carpentry work was happening. It seems he was productive there, although it’s hard to say how much better things were in that busy, lively household compared to his own.










To Theodore W. Crane, at Quarry Farm, Elmira, N. Y.

To Theodore W. Crane, at Quarry Farm, Elmira, NY.

                                                  Friday, Oct.,5, '88.
Friday, Oct. 5, 1988.

DEAR THEO,—I am here in Twichell's house at work, with the noise of the children and an army of carpenters to help. Of course they don't help, but neither do they hinder. It's like a boiler-factory for racket, and in nailing a wooden ceiling onto the room under me the hammering tickles my feet amazingly sometimes, and jars my table a good deal; but I never am conscious of the racket at all, and I move my feet into position of relief without knowing when I do it. I began here Monday morning, and have done eighty pages since. I was so tired last night that I thought I would lie abed and rest, to-day; but I couldn't resist. I mean to try to knock off tomorrow, but it's doubtful if I do. I want to finish the day the machine finishes, and a week ago the closest calculations for that indicated Oct. 22—but experience teaches me that their calculations will miss fire, as usual.

DEAR THEO,—I’m here at Twichell’s house working, surrounded by the noise of kids and a bunch of carpenters. They’re not really helping, but they’re not getting in the way either. It’s like a noisy factory, and when they’re nailing the wooden ceiling in the room below me, the hammering sometimes tickles my feet and shakes my table; but I hardly notice the noise at all, and I instinctively adjust my feet for comfort without realizing it. I started working here on Monday morning and have managed to get through eighty pages since then. I was so worn out last night that I thought about sleeping in today, but I just couldn't resist working. I plan to try to take tomorrow off, but I’m not sure if that will happen. I want to finish my work by the end of the day like the machine does, and a week ago, the best estimates for that were pointing to October 22—but experience shows me that these estimates often turn out to be off, as usual.

The other day the children were projecting a purchase, Livy and I to furnish the money—a dollar and a half. Jean discouraged the idea. She said: “We haven't got any money. Children, if you would think, you would remember the machine isn't done.”

The other day, the kids were planning a purchase, and Livy and I were going to provide the money—one dollar and fifty cents. Jean was not on board with the idea. She said, “We don't have any money. Kids, if you think about it, you'll remember the machine isn't finished.”

It's billiards to-night. I wish you were here.

It's billiards tonight. I wish you were here.

                    With love to you both
                                             S. L. C.
                    With love to both of you
                                             S. L. C.

P. S. I got it all wrong. It wasn't the children, it was Marie. She wanted a box of blacking, for the children's shoes. Jean reproved her—and said:

P. S. I totally messed up. It wasn't the kids, it was Marie. She wanted a box of polish for the children's shoes. Jean scolded her—and said:

“Why, Marie, you mustn't ask for things now. The machine isn't done.”

“Why, Marie, you shouldn’t ask for things right now. The machine isn’t finished.”

                                             S. L. C.
SLC
     The letter that follows is to another of his old pilot friends, one
     who was also a schoolmate, Will Bowen, of Hannibal.  There is today
     no means of knowing the occasion upon which this letter was written,
     but it does not matter; it is the letter itself that is of chief
     value.
     The letter that follows is to another one of his old pilot friends, a former schoolmate, Will Bowen, from Hannibal. Today, we can't know exactly when this letter was written, but that doesn't really matter; the letter itself is what truly matters.










To Will Bowen, in Hannibal, Mo.:

To Will Bowen, in Hannibal, MO:

                                             HARTFORD, Nov 4, '88.
HARTFORD, Nov 4, 1988.

DEAR WILL,—I received your letter yesterday evening, just as I was starting out of town to attend a wedding, and so my mind was privately busy, all the evening, in the midst of the maelstrom of chat and chaff and laughter, with the sort of reflections which create themselves, examine themselves, and continue themselves, unaffected by surroundings—unaffected, that is understood, by the surroundings, but not uninfluenced by them. Here was the near presence of the two supreme events of life: marriage, which is the beginning of life, and death which is the end of it. I found myself seeking chances to shirk into corners where I might think, undisturbed; and the most I got out of my thought, was this: both marriage and death ought to be welcome: the one promises happiness, doubtless the other assures it. A long procession of people filed through my mind—people whom you and I knew so many years ago—so many centuries ago, it seems like-and these ancient dead marched to the soft marriage music of a band concealed in some remote room of the house; and the contented music and the dreaming shades seemed in right accord with each other, and fitting. Nobody else knew that a procession of the dead was passing though this noisy swarm of the living, but there it was, and to me there was nothing uncanny about it; Rio, they were welcome faces to me. I would have liked to bring up every creature we knew in those days—even the dumb animals—it would be bathing in the fabled Fountain of Youth.

DEAR WILL,—I got your letter last night, just as I was leaving town for a wedding. So, my mind was occupied all evening, even while surrounded by all the chatter and laughter, with thoughts that seem to create themselves, analyze themselves, and carry on, unaffected by what was happening around me—though not entirely unaffected by it. Here was the close presence of two major events in life: marriage, which marks the beginning, and death, which signifies the end. I found myself looking for quiet corners to think without interruption; and the most I could gather from my thoughts was this: both marriage and death should be embraced: one promises happiness, and the other guarantees it. A long line of people I knew from long ago—so long ago it feels like centuries—appeared in my mind, and these departed souls moved to the gentle marriage music coming from some distant room in the house. The pleasant music and the dreaming shadows seemed perfectly matched and appropriate. No one else realized that a procession of the dead was moving through this noisy crowd of the living, but there it was, and it felt completely natural to me; in fact, they were familiar faces. I would have loved to summon every single being we knew back then—even the animals—it would have felt like bathing in the legendary Fountain of Youth.

We all feel your deep trouble with you; and we would hope, if we might, but your words deny us that privilege. To die one's self is a thing that must be easy, and of light consequence, but to lose a part of one's self—well, we know how deep that pang goes, we who have suffered that disaster, received that wound which cannot heal.

We all understand your deep pain; and we wish we could help, but your words deny us that chance. Ending one's own life seems like an easy option and doesn't carry much weight, but losing a part of yourself—well, we know how deep that hurt goes, we who have experienced that loss, who have felt that wound that never heals.

                              Sincerely your friend
                                             S. L. CLEMENS.
                              Sincerely your friend  
                                             S. L. CLEMENS.
     His next is of quite a different nature.  Evidently the typesetting
     conditions had alarmed Orion, and he was undertaking some economies
     with a view of retrenchment.  Orion was always reducing economy to
     science.  Once, at an earlier date, he recorded that he had figured
     his personal living expenses down to sixty cents a week, but
     inasmuch as he was then, by his own confession, unable to earn the
     sixty cents, this particular economy was wasted.  Orion was a trial,
     certainly, and the explosion that follows was not without excuse.
     Furthermore, it was not as bad as it sounds.  Mark Twain's rages
     always had an element of humor in them, a fact which no one more
     than Orion himself would appreciate.  He preserved this letter,
     quietly noting on the envelope, “Letter from Sam, about ma's nurse.”
 
     His next one is quite different. Clearly, the typesetting situation had stressed Orion out, and he was trying to cut back to save money. Orion was always turning budgeting into a science. Once, earlier, he claimed he had managed to limit his personal living expenses to sixty cents a week, but since he admitted he couldn't actually earn that sixty cents, this particular budget plan was pointless. Orion was definitely a handful, and the outburst that followed was understandable. Plus, it wasn't as bad as it sounds. Mark Twain's outbursts always had a humorous twist, something Orion himself would fully appreciate. He kept this letter, quietly noting on the envelope, “Letter from Sam, about mom's nurse.”
                Letter to Orion Clemens, in Keokuk, Iowa:

                                                       NOV. 29, '88.
                Letter to Orion Clemens, in Keokuk, Iowa:

                                                       Nov. 29, '88.

Jesus Christ!—It is perilous to write such a man. You can go crazy on less material than anybody that ever lived. What in hell has produced all these maniacal imaginings? You told me you had hired an attendant for ma. Now hire one instantly, and stop this nonsense of wearing Mollie and yourself out trying to do that nursing yourselves. Hire the attendant, and tell me her cost so that I can instruct Webster & Co. to add it every month to what they already send. Don't fool away any more time about this. And don't write me any more damned rot about “storms,” and inability to pay trivial sums of money and—and—hell and damnation! You see I've read only the first page of your letter; I wouldn't read the rest for a million dollars.

Jesus Christ! It’s dangerous to write about someone like that. You can lose your mind over less than what anyone else ever faced. What on earth has caused all these wild thoughts? You told me you’d hired someone to help with Mom. Now hire one right away and stop this nonsense of wearing both you and Mollie out trying to take care of her on your own. Hire the caregiver, and let me know what she costs so I can tell Webster & Co. to add it to what they already send each month. Don’t waste any more time on this. And stop sending me any more nonsense about “storms” and being unable to pay small amounts of money and—and—hell and damnation! You see, I’ve only read the first page of your letter; I wouldn’t read the rest for a million dollars.

                                   Yr
                                         SAM.
Your
                                         SAM.

P. S. Don't imagine that I have lost my temper, because I swear. I swear all day, but I do not lose my temper. And don't imagine that I am on my way to the poorhouse, for I am not; or that I am uneasy, for I am not; or that I am uncomfortable or unhappy—for I never am. I don't know what it is to be unhappy or uneasy; and I am not going to try to learn how, at this late day.

P. S. Don't think I've lost my cool just because I swear. I swear all day, but I don’t lose my temper. And don’t think I’m headed for the poorhouse, because I’m not; or that I’m anxious, because I’m not; or that I’m uncomfortable or unhappy—because I never am. I have no idea what it feels like to be unhappy or anxious; and I’m not going to start figuring that out at this point in my life.

                                   SAM.
SAM.
     Few men were ever interviewed oftener than Mark Twain, yet he never
     welcomed interviewers and was seldom satisfied with them.  “What I
     say in an interview loses it character in print,” he often remarked,
     “all its life and personality.  The reporter realizes this himself,
     and tries to improve upon me, but he doesn't help matters any.”

     Edward W. Bok, before he became editor of the Ladies Home Journal,
     was conducting a weekly syndicate column under the title of “Bok's
     Literary Leaves.”  It usually consisted of news and gossip of
     writers, comment, etc., literary odds and ends, and occasional
     interviews with distinguished authors.  He went up to Hartford one
     day to interview Mark Twain.  The result seemed satisfactory to Bok,
     but wishing to be certain that it would be satisfactory to Clemens,
     he sent him a copy for approval.  The interview was not returned;
     in the place of it came a letter-not altogether disappointing, as
     the reader may believe.
     Few men were ever interviewed as much as Mark Twain, yet he never welcomed interviewers and was rarely satisfied with them. “What I say in an interview loses its character in print,” he often remarked, “all its life and personality. The reporter realizes this himself and tries to improve upon me, but he doesn't help things at all.”

     Edward W. Bok, before he became editor of the Ladies' Home Journal, was running a weekly syndicated column called “Bok's Literary Leaves.” It typically included news and gossip about writers, commentary, literary odds and ends, and occasional interviews with notable authors. One day, he traveled to Hartford to interview Mark Twain. Bok found the result satisfactory, but wanting to make sure it would satisfy Clemens too, he sent him a copy for approval. The interview was not returned; instead, he received a letter—not entirely disappointing, as the reader might think.










To Edward W. Bok, in New York:

To Edward W. Bok, in New York:

MY DEAR MR. BOK,—No, no. It is like most interviews, pure twaddle and valueless.

MY DEAR MR. BOK,—No, no. It's like most interviews, total nonsense and pointless.

For several quite plain and simple reasons, an “interview” must, as a rule, be an absurdity, and chiefly for this reason—It is an attempt to use a boat on land or a wagon on water, to speak figuratively. Spoken speech is one thing, written speech is quite another. Print is the proper vehicle for the latter, but it isn't for the former. The moment “talk” is put into print you recognize that it is not what it was when you heard it; you perceive that an immense something has disappeared from it. That is its soul. You have nothing but a dead carcass left on your hands. Color, play of feature, the varying modulations of the voice, the laugh, the smile, the informing inflections, everything that gave that body warmth, grace, friendliness and charm and commended it to your affections—or, at least, to your tolerance—is gone and nothing is left but a pallid, stiff and repulsive cadaver.

For several straightforward reasons, an “interview” is usually absurd, mainly because it’s like trying to use a boat on land or a wagon on water, figuratively speaking. Spoken language is one thing, but written language is completely different. Print is the right medium for the latter, but not for the former. The moment “talk” is put into writing, you realize it’s not the same as when you heard it; you notice that a huge part of it has vanished. That’s its essence. You’re left with nothing but a lifeless shell. The color, facial expressions, varying tones of voice, laughter, smiles, and all the little nuances that made that conversation warm, graceful, friendly, and engaging, or at least tolerable, are gone, leaving just a pale, stiff, and unappealing corpse.

Such is “talk” almost invariably, as you see it lying in state in an “interview”. The interviewer seldom tries to tell one how a thing was said; he merely puts in the naked remark and stops there. When one writes for print his methods are very different. He follows forms which have but little resemblance to conversation, but they make the reader understand what the writer is trying to convey. And when the writer is making a story and finds it necessary to report some of the talk of his characters observe how cautiously and anxiously he goes at that risky and difficult thing. “If he had dared to say that thing in my presence,” said Alfred, “taking a mock heroic attitude, and casting an arch glance upon the company, blood would have flowed.”

That's how "talk" usually goes, especially in an “interview.” The interviewer rarely attempts to explain how something was said; they just give you the raw quote and leave it at that. When writing for print, the approach is quite different. Writers use structures that don’t closely resemble everyday conversation, but they help the reader grasp what the writer intends to communicate. And when a writer is crafting a story and needs to share some dialogue from their characters, notice how carefully and thoughtfully they handle that tricky and challenging task. “If he had dared to say that in my presence,” Alfred said, “taking a mock heroic stance and casting a knowing glance at the group, blood would have been spilled.”

“If he had dared to say that thing in my presence,” said Hawkwood, with that in his eye which caused more than one heart in that guilty assemblage to quake, “blood would have flowed.”

“If he had dared to say that in front of me,” said Hawkwood, with a look in his eye that made more than one heart in that guilty crowd tremble, “blood would have been shed.”

“If he had dared to say that thing in my presence,” said the paltry blusterer, with valor on his tongue and pallor on his lips, “blood would have flowed.”

“If he had dared to say that in front of me,” said the pathetic braggart, with courage in his words and paleness on his lips, “blood would have spilled.”

So painfully aware is the novelist that naked talk in print conveys no meaning that he loads, and often overloads, almost every utterance of his characters with explanations and interpretations. It is a loud confession that print is a poor vehicle for “talk”; it is a recognition that uninterpreted talk in print would result in confusion to the reader, not instruction.

So painfully aware is the novelist that direct conversation in print doesn't convey meaning that he fills, and often overfills, almost every statement from his characters with explanations and interpretations. It's a loud admission that print is a poor medium for “talk”; it's an acknowledgment that unfiltered conversation in print would confuse the reader, rather than educate them.

Now, in your interview, you have certainly been most accurate; you have set down the sentences I uttered as I said them. But you have not a word of explanation; what my manner was at several points is not indicated. Therefore, no reader can possibly know where I was in earnest and where I was joking; or whether I was joking altogether or in earnest altogether. Such a report of a conversation has no value. It can convey many meanings to the reader, but never the right one. To add interpretations which would convey the right meaning is a something which would require—what? An art so high and fine and difficult that no possessor of it would ever be allowed to waste it on interviews.

Now, in your interview, you've definitely been very accurate; you've recorded the sentences I said exactly as I spoke them. But you haven't provided any explanation; my demeanor at various points isn't mentioned. As a result, no reader can know when I was serious and when I was joking, or if I was joking at all or completely serious. Such a report of a conversation is worthless. It can suggest many interpretations to the reader, but never the correct one. Adding interpretations that would clarify the true meaning requires—what? An art so advanced, sophisticated, and challenging that no one possessing it would waste it on interviews.

No; spare the reader, and spare me; leave the whole interview out; it is rubbish. I wouldn't talk in my sleep if I couldn't talk better than that.

No; save the reader and me the trouble; skip the whole interview; it’s pointless. I wouldn’t even mumble in my sleep if I couldn’t do better than that.

If you wish to print anything print this letter; it may have some value, for it may explain to a reader here and there why it is that in interviews, as a rule, men seem to talk like anybody but themselves.

If you want to print something, print this letter; it might be useful, as it may explain to a reader now and then why, in interviews, guys usually sound like anyone except themselves.

                         Very sincerely yours,
                                             MARK TWAIN.
Sincerely yours,  
                                             MARK TWAIN.




XXIX. LETTERS, 1889. THE MACHINE. DEATH OF MR. CRANE. CONCLUSION OF THE YANKEE.

In January, 1889, Clemens believed, after his long seven years of waiting, fruition had come in the matter of the type machine. Paige, the inventor, seemed at last to have given it its finishing touches. The mechanical marvel that had cost so much time, mental stress, and a fortune in money, stood complete, responsive to the human will and touch—the latest, and one of the greatest, wonders of the world. To George Standring, a London printer and publisher, Clemens wrote: “The machine is finished!” and added, “This is by far the most marvelous invention ever contrived by man. And it is not a thing of rags and patches; it is made of massive steel, and will last a century.”

In January 1889, Clemens felt that after seven long years of waiting, the type machine was finally ready. Paige, the inventor, seemed to have put the finishing touches on it. The mechanical wonder that had consumed so much time, mental effort, and money was now complete, responsive to the human touch—the latest and one of the greatest wonders of the world. To George Standring, a London printer and publisher, Clemens wrote: “The machine is finished!” and added, “This is by far the most amazing invention ever created by man. And it isn’t just a collection of scraps; it’s made of solid steel and will last a century.”

In his fever of enthusiasm on that day when he had actually seen it in operation, he wrote a number of exuberant letters. They were more or less duplicates, but as the one to his brother is of fuller detail and more intimate than the others, it has been selected for preservation here.

In his excitement on the day he actually saw it in action, he wrote a bunch of enthusiastic letters. They were mostly similar, but since the one to his brother contains more details and is more personal than the others, it has been chosen to be kept here.










To Orion Clemens, in Keokuk:

To Orion Clemens, in Keokuk:

                                             HARTFORD, Jan. 5, '89.
HARTFORD, Jan. 5, 1989.

DEAR ORION,—At 12.20 this afternoon a line of movable types was spaced and justified by machinery, for the first time in the history of the world! And I was there to see. It was done automatically—instantly—perfectly. This is indeed the first line of movable types that ever was perfectly spaced and perfectly justified on this earth.

DEAR ORION,—At 12:20 this afternoon, a line of movable type was spaced and justified by a machine for the first time in history! And I was there to witness it. It happened automatically—instantly—perfectly. This is truly the first line of movable type that has ever been perfectly spaced and perfectly justified on this planet.

This was the last function that remained to be tested—and so by long odds the most amazing and extraordinary invention ever born of the brain of man stands completed and perfect. Livy is down stairs celebrating.

This was the final function that needed testing—and by far the most incredible and remarkable invention ever created by human thought is now complete and flawless. Livy is downstairs celebrating.

But it's a cunning devil, is that machine!—and knows more than any man that ever lived. You shall see. We made the test in this way. We set up a lot of random letters in a stick—three-fourths of a line; then filled out the line with quads representing 14 spaces, each space to be 35/1000 of an inch thick. Then we threw aside the quads and put the letters into the machine and formed them into 15 two-letter words, leaving the words separated by two-inch vacancies. Then we started up the machine slowly, by hand, and fastened our eyes on the space-selecting pins. The first pin-block projected its third pin as the first word came traveling along the race-way; second block did the same; but the third block projected its second pin!

But that machine is a clever beast—it knows more than any person who’s ever lived. Just wait and see. We tested it this way: we set up a bunch of random letters on a stick—three-fourths of a line; then we filled out the line with quads representing 14 spaces, each space measuring 35/1000 of an inch thick. After that, we removed the quads and put the letters into the machine, arranging them into 15 two-letter words, leaving two-inch gaps between the words. We then slowly started the machine by hand and kept our eyes on the space-selecting pins. The first pin block extended its third pin as the first word moved along the raceway; the second block did the same, but the third block extended its second pin!

“Oh, hell! stop the machine—something wrong—it's going to set a 30/1000 space!”

“Oh no! Stop the machine—something's wrong—it’s going to set a 30/1000 space!”

General consternation. “A foreign substance has got into the spacing plates.” This from the head mathematician.

General concern. “A foreign substance has entered the spacing plates.” This is from the head mathematician.

“Yes, that is the trouble,” assented the foreman.

“Yes, that’s the problem,” agreed the foreman.

Paige examined. “No—look in, and you can see that there's nothing of the kind.” Further examination. “Now I know what it is—what it must be: one of those plates projects and binds. It's too bad—the first test is a failure.” A pause. “Well, boys, no use to cry. Get to work—take the machine down.—No—Hold on! don't touch a thing! Go right ahead! We are fools, the machine isn't. The machine knows what it's about. There is a speck of dirt on one of those types, and the machine is putting in a thinner space to allow for it!”

Paige looked closely. “No—take a look inside, and you’ll see there’s nothing like that.” After checking again, she said, “Now I get it—what it must be: one of those plates is projecting and binding. It’s a shame—the first test didn’t work.” She paused. “Well, guys, there’s no point in crying. Get to work—take the machine apart.—No—Wait! Don’t touch anything! Keep going! We’re the ones being foolish, not the machine. The machine knows what it’s doing. There’s a tiny bit of dirt on one of those types, and the machine is creating a thinner space to accommodate it!”

That was just it. The machine went right ahead, spaced the line, justified it to a hair, and shoved it into the galley complete and perfect! We took it out and examined it with a glass. You could not tell by your eye that the third space was thinner than the others, but the glass and the calipers showed the difference. Paige had always said that the machine would measure invisible particles of dirt and allow for them, but even he had forgotten that vast fact for the moment.

That was exactly it. The machine went ahead, spaced the line, justified it perfectly, and delivered it to the galley complete and flawless! We took it out and examined it with a magnifying glass. You couldn’t see with the naked eye that the third space was narrower than the others, but the glass and the calipers revealed the difference. Paige had always claimed that the machine would measure tiny, invisible particles of dirt and compensate for them, but even he had momentarily forgotten that significant detail.

All the witnesses made written record of the immense historical birth—the first justification of a line of movable type by machinery—and also set down the hour and the minute. Nobody had drank anything, and yet everybody seemed drunk. Well-dizzy, stupefied, stunned.

All the witnesses wrote down the significant historical event—the first use of movable type with machinery—and also noted the exact hour and minute. No one had consumed any alcohol, yet everyone seemed to be inebriated. They were lightheaded, dazed, and astonished.

All the other wonderful inventions of the human brain sink pretty nearly into commonplace contrasted with this awful mechanical miracle. Telephones, telegraphs, locomotives, cotton gins, sewing machines, Babbage calculators, jacquard looms, perfecting presses, Arkwright's frames—all mere toys, simplicities! The Paige Compositor marches alone and far in the lead of human inventions.

All the other amazing inventions of the human mind seem quite ordinary when compared to this incredible mechanical marvel. Telephones, telegraphs, trains, cotton gins, sewing machines, Babbage calculators, jacquard looms, perfecting presses, Arkwright's frames—all just little toys, simple things! The Paige Compositor stands out, way ahead in the race of human inventions.

In two or three weeks we shall work the stiffness out of her joints and have her performing as smoothly and softly as human muscles, and then we shall speak out the big secret and let the world come and gaze.

In two or three weeks, we'll work the stiffness out of her joints and have her moving as smoothly and gently as human muscles, and then we'll reveal the big secret and let the world come and see.

Return me this letter when you have read it.

Return this letter to me once you've read it.

                                   SAM.
SAM.
     Judge of the elation which such a letter would produce in Keokuk!
     Yet it was no greater than that which existed in Hartford—for a
     time.

     Then further delays.  Before the machine got “the stiffness out of
     her joints” that “cunning devil” manifested a tendency to break the
     types, and Paige, who was never happier than when he was pulling
     things to pieces and making improvements, had the type-setter apart
     again and the day of complete triumph was postponed.

     There was sadness at the Elmira farm that spring.  Theodore Crane,
     who had long been in poor health, seemed to grow daily worse.  In
     February he had paid a visit to Hartford and saw the machine in
     operation, but by the end of May his condition was very serious.
     Remembering his keen sense of humor, Clemens reported to him
     cheering and amusing incidents.
     Imagine the joy a letter like that would bring to Keokuk!  
     But it was no more than what was felt in Hartford—for a while.

     Then more delays. Before the machine got “the stiffness out of 
     her joints,” that “cunning devil” started to break the types, and Paige, 
     who was never happier than when he was taking things apart and making 
     improvements, had the type-setter disassembled again, pushing the day of 
     complete triumph further away.

     There was a somber mood at the Elmira farm that spring. Theodore Crane, 
     who had long been in poor health, seemed to get worse every day. In 
     February, he visited Hartford and saw the machine in action, but by the 
     end of May, his condition had become very serious. Remembering his sharp 
     sense of humor, Clemens shared uplifting and funny stories with him.










To Mrs. Theodore Crane. in Elmira, N. Y.:

To Mrs. Theodore Crane, in Elmira, NY:

                                             HARTFORD, May 28, '89.
HARTFORD, May 28, 1989.

Susie dear, I want you to tell this to Theodore. You know how absent-minded Twichell is, and how desolate his face is when he is in that frame. At such times, he passes the word with a friend on the street and is not aware of the meeting at all. Twice in a week, our Clara had this latter experience with him within the past month. But the second instance was too much for her, and she woke him up, in his tracks, with a reproach. She said:

Susie, darling, I want you to tell Theodore this. You know how absent-minded Twichell can be, and how lost he looks when he gets like that. During those moments, he’ll casually chat with a friend on the street without even realizing they've met. Clara has had this happen with him twice in the last month. But the second time was the last straw for her, and she called him out, stopping him in his tracks with a sharp comment. She said:

“Uncle Joe, why do you always look as if you were just going down into the grave, when you meet a person on the street?”—and then went on to reveal to him the funereal spectacle which he presented on such occasions. Well, she has met Twichell three times since then, and would swim the Connecticut to avoid meeting him the fourth. As soon as he sights her, no matter how public the place nor how far off she is, he makes a bound into the air, heaves arms and legs into all sorts of frantic gestures of delight, and so comes prancing, skipping and pirouetting for her like a drunken Indian entering heaven.

“Uncle Joe, why do you always look like you’re heading to the grave when you see someone on the street?”—and then went on to show him the gloomy sight he made during those moments. Well, she has bumped into Twichell three times since then and would rather swim across the Connecticut River than see him for a fourth time. As soon as he spots her, no matter how crowded the place or how far away she is, he leaps into the air, waving his arms and legs in all sorts of crazy expressions of joy, and then comes prancing, skipping, and spinning toward her like a drunken Indian entering heaven.

With a full invoice of love from us all to you and Theodore.

With a complete invoice of love from all of us to you and Theodore.

                                                  S. L. C.
SLC
     The reference in the next to the “closing sentence” in a letter
     written by Howells to Clemens about this time, refers to a
     heart-broken utterance of the former concerning his daughter
     Winnie, who had died some time before.  She had been a gentle
     talented girl, but never of robust health.  Her death had followed
     a long period of gradual decline.
     The reference in the next to the “closing sentence” in a letter written by Howells to Clemens around this time refers to a heartbroken statement from Howells about his daughter Winnie, who had passed away some time ago. She had been a sweet, talented girl but was never in great health. Her death came after a long period of gradual decline.










To W. D. Howells, in Boston:

To W. D. Howells, in Boston:

                                             HARTFORD, Judy 13, '89.
HARTFORD, Judy 13, '89.

DEAR HOWELLS,—I came on from Elmira a day or two ago, where I left a house of mourning. Mr. Crane died, after ten months of pain and two whole days of dying, at the farm on the hill, the 3rd inst: A man who had always hoped for a swift death. Mrs. Crane and Mrs. Clemens and the children were in a gloom which brought back to me the days of nineteen years ago, when Mr. Langdon died. It is heart-breaking to see Mrs. Crane. Many a time, in the past ten days, the sight of her has reminded me, with a pang, of the desolation which uttered itself in the closing sentence of your last letter to me. I do see that there is an argument against suicide: the grief of the worshipers left behind; the awful famine in their hearts, these are too costly terms for the release.

DEAR HOWELLS,—I got here from Elmira a day or two ago, where I left behind a grieving household. Mr. Crane passed away after ten months of pain and two long days of dying, at the farm on the hill, the 3rd of this month: A man who always wanted a quick death. Mrs. Crane, Mrs. Clemens, and the kids were in such a gloomy state that it reminded me of nineteen years ago when Mr. Langdon died. It’s heartbreaking to see Mrs. Crane. Many times in the past ten days, just seeing her has brought a sharp reminder of the sadness you expressed in the last line of your last letter to me. I do understand the argument against suicide: the sorrow of those left behind; the terrible emptiness in their hearts, these are too high a price for freedom.

I shall be here ten days yet, and all alone: nobody in the house but the servants. Can't Mrs. Howells spare you to me? Can't you come and stay with me? The house is cool and pleasant; your work will not be interrupted; we will keep to ourselves and let the rest of the world do the same; you can have your choice of three bedrooms, and you will find the Children's schoolroom (which was built for my study,) the perfection of a retired and silent den for work. There isn't a fly or a mosquito on the estate. Come—say you will.

I’ll be here for another ten days, all by myself: just the servants in the house. Can’t Mrs. Howells let you stay with me? Can you come and visit? The house is cool and nice; your work won’t be disrupted; we can keep to ourselves and let the world do the same. You can choose from three bedrooms, and you’ll find the kids' schoolroom (which was built as my study) is the perfect quiet spot for working. There’s not a single fly or mosquito on the property. Come on—say you will.

With kindest regards to Mrs. Howells, and Pilla and John,

With warm regards to Mrs. Howells, Pilla, and John,

                                   Yours Ever
                                             MARK.
Forever yours  
                                             MARK.

Howells was more hopeful. He wrote: “I read something in a strange book, The Physical Theory of Another Life, that consoles a little; namely, we see and feel the power of Deity in such fullness that we ought to infer the infinite justice and Goodness which we do not see or feel.” And a few days later, he wrote: “I would rather see and talk with you than any other man in the world outside my own blood.”

Howells was feeling more optimistic. He wrote: “I read something in a unique book, The Physical Theory of Another Life, that gives me some comfort; specifically, we see and experience the power of God so profoundly that we should assume the infinite justice and goodness we can't see or feel.” A few days later, he wrote: “I would rather see and talk with you than with anyone else in the world outside my family.”

A Connecticut Yankee at King Arthur's Court was brought to an end that year and given to the artist and printer. Dan Beard was selected for the drawings, and was given a free hand, as the next letter shows.

A Connecticut Yankee at King Arthur's Court was completed that year and handed over to the artist and printer. Dan Beard was chosen for the illustrations and was given complete freedom, as the next letter indicates.










To Fred J. Hall, Manager Charles L. Webster & Co.:

To Fred J. Hall, Manager Charles L. Webster & Co.:

[Charles L. Webster, owing to poor health, had by this time retired from the firm.]

[Charles L. Webster, due to his ill health, had at this point stepped down from the company.]

                                                  ELMIRA, July 20, '89.
ELMIRA, July 20, 1989.

DEAR MR. HALL,—Upon reflection—thus: tell Beard to obey his own inspiration, and when he sees a picture in his mind put that picture on paper, be it humorous or be it serious. I want his genius to be wholly unhampered, I shan't have fears as to the result. They will be better pictures than if I mixed in and tried to give him points on his own trade.

DEAR MR. HALL, — After thinking it over—here's the thing: tell Beard to follow his own inspiration, and when he has an image in his mind, he should put that image on paper, whether it's funny or serious. I want his creativity to be completely free; I won't worry about the outcome. The results will be better if I stay out of it and don't try to give him advice on his own craft.

Send this note and he'll understand.

Send this note and he'll get it.

                                        Yr
                                             S. L. C.
Yr  
                                             S. L. C.
     Clemens had made a good choice in selecting Beard for the
     illustrations.  He was well qualified for the work, and being of a
     socialistic turn of mind put his whole soul into it.  When the
     drawings were completed, Clemens wrote: “Hold me under permanent
     obligations.  What luck it was to find you!  There are hundreds of
     artists that could illustrate any other book of mine, but there was
     only one who could illustrate this one.  Yes, it was a fortunate
     hour that I went netting for lightning bugs and caught a meteor.
     Live forever!”

     Clemens, of course, was anxious for Howells to read The Yankee, and
     Mrs. Clemens particularly so.  Her eyes were giving her trouble that
     summer, so that she could not read the MS. for herself, and she had
     grave doubts as to some of its chapters.  It may be said here that
     the book to-day might have been better if Mrs. Clemens had been able
     to read it.  Howells was a peerless critic, but the revolutionary
     subject-matter of the book so delighted him that he was perhaps
     somewhat blinded to its literary defects.  However, this is
     premature.  Howells did not at once see the story.  He had promised
     to come to Hartford, but wrote that trivial matters had made his
     visit impossible.  From the next letter we get the situation at this
     time.  The “Mr. Church” mentioned was Frederick S. Church, the
     well-known artist.
     Clemens made a great choice in picking Beard for the illustrations. He was well-suited for the work, and being a bit of a socialist, he poured his heart and soul into it. Once the drawings were finished, Clemens wrote: “You’ve put me under permanent obligation. What luck it was to find you! There are tons of artists who could illustrate any other book of mine, but there was only one who could do justice to this one. Yes, it was a lucky moment when I went catching fireflies and ended up with a meteor. Live forever!”

     Clemens was, of course, eager for Howells to read The Yankee, and Mrs. Clemens was especially anxious. That summer, her eyes were bothering her, preventing her from reading the manuscript herself, and she had serious concerns about some of its chapters. It can be said that the book might have been better today if Mrs. Clemens had been able to read it. Howells was an exceptional critic, but he was so thrilled by the revolutionary subject matter of the book that he might have overlooked its literary flaws. However, that’s jumping ahead. Howells didn’t immediately grasp the story. He had promised to come to Hartford but wrote that minor issues made his visit impossible. From the next letter, we understand the situation at that time. The “Mr. Church” mentioned was Frederick S. Church, the well-known artist.










To W. D. Howells, in Boston:

To W. D. Howells, in Boston:

                                             ELMIRA, July 24, '89.
ELMIRA, July 24, 1989.

DEAR HOWELLS,—I, too, was as sorry as I could be; yes, and desperately disappointed. I even did a heroic thing: shipped my book off to New York lest I should forget hospitality and embitter your visit with it. Not that I think you wouldn't like to read it, for I think you would; but not on a holiday that's not the time. I see how you were situated—another familiarity of Providence and wholly wanton intrusion—and of course we could not help ourselves. Well, just think of it: a while ago, while Providence's attention was absorbed in disordering some time-tables so as to break up a trip of mine to Mr. Church's on the Hudson, that Johnstown dam got loose. I swear I was afraid to pray, for fear I should laugh. Well, I'm not going to despair; we'll manage a meet yet.

DEAR HOWELLS,—I was just as sorry as I could be; yes, and completely disappointed. I even did something drastic: I sent my book to New York so I wouldn’t forget my hospitality and ruin your visit with it. Not that I think you wouldn’t want to read it; I really believe you would. But not during a holiday—that’s not the right time. I see how things have turned out for you—just another twist of fate and a totally unwanted interruption—and of course, we couldn't help it. Just think about it: not long ago, while fate was busy messing up some schedules to ruin my trip to Mr. Church’s on the Hudson, that Johnstown dam failed. I swear I was too afraid to even pray, because I thought I might end up laughing. Well, I’m not going to give up; we’ll find a way to meet eventually.

I expect to go to Hartford again in August and maybe remain till I have to come back here and fetch the family. And, along there in August, some time, you let on that you are going to Mexico, and I will let on that I am going to Spitzbergen, and then under cover of this clever stratagem we will glide from the trains at Worcester and have a time. I have noticed that Providence is indifferent about Mexico and Spitzbergen.

I plan to head back to Hartford in August and might stay there until it's time to come back and get the family. At some point in August, you can pretend you're going to Mexico, and I'll pretend I'm going to Spitzbergen. Then, with this smart plan, we can slip away from the trains in Worcester and have a good time. I've noticed that Providence doesn't really care about Mexico or Spitzbergen.

                                   Ys Ever
                                             MARK.
Ys Ever  
                                             MARK.
     Possibly Mark Twain was not particularly anxious that Howells should
     see his MS., fearing that he might lay a ruthless hand on some of
     his more violent fulminations and wild fancies.  However this may
     be, further postponement was soon at an end.  Mrs. Clemens's eyes
     troubled her and would not permit her to read, so she requested that
     the Yankee be passed upon by soberminded critics, such as Howells
     and Edmund Clarence Stedman.  Howells wrote that even if he hadn't
     wanted to read the book for its own sake, or for the author's sake,
     he would still want to do it for Mrs. Clemens's.  Whereupon the
     proofs were started in his direction.
     Mark Twain was probably not too eager for Howells to see his manuscript, worried that he might edit out some of his more intense rants and wild ideas. Whatever the case may be, further delays didn't last long. Mrs. Clemens's eyes were bothering her and wouldn’t allow her to read, so she asked for the Yankee to be reviewed by serious critics like Howells and Edmund Clarence Stedman. Howells wrote that even if he hadn’t wanted to read the book for itself, or for the author, he would still want to do it for Mrs. Clemens. So, the proofs were sent his way.










To W. D. Howells, in Boston:

To W. D. Howells, in Boston:

                                             ELMIRA, Aug.  24, '89.
ELMIRA, Aug. 24, '89.

DEAR HOWELLS,—If you should be moved to speak of my book in the Study, I shall be glad and proud—and the sooner it gets in, the better for the book; though I don't suppose you can get it in earlier than the November number—why, no, you can't get it in till a month later than that. Well, anyway I don't think I'll send out any other press copy—except perhaps to Stedman. I'm not writing for those parties who miscall themselves critics, and I don't care to have them paw the book at all. It's my swan-song, my retirement from literature permanently, and I wish to pass to the cemetery unclodded.

DEAR HOWELLS,—If you feel like discussing my book in the Study, I would be happy and proud about it—and the sooner it’s included, the better for the book. Although I doubt you can include it before the November issue—actually, you won’t be able to include it until a month after that. Anyway, I don’t think I’ll send out any other review copies—maybe just to Stedman. I’m not writing for those people who wrongfully call themselves critics, and I really don’t want them touching the book at all. This is my swan song, my final exit from literature, and I want to leave this world without any fuss.

I judge that the proofs have begun to reach you about this time, as I had some (though not revises,) this morning. I'm sure I'm going to be charmed with Beard's pictures. Observe his nice take-off of Middle-Age art-dinner-table scene.

I think the proofs have started coming your way around now since I received some (but not the revisions) this morning. I'm sure I'll be impressed with Beard's pictures. Check out his clever take on the Middle-Age art dinner table scene.

                              Ys sincerely
                                             MARK.
Yours sincerely,  
MARK.
     Howells's approval of the Yankee came almost in the form of exultant
     shouts, one after reading each batch of proof.  First he wrote:
     “It's charming, original, wonderful! good in fancy and sound to the
     core in morals.”  And again, “It's a mighty great book, and it makes
     my heart burn with wrath.  It seems God did not forget to put a soul
     into you.  He shuts most literary men off with a brain, merely.”
      Then, a few days later: “The book is glorious—simply noble; what
     masses of virgin truth never touched in print before!” and, finally,
     “Last night I read your last chapter.  As Stedman says of the whole
     book, it's titanic.”
 
Howells's praise for the Yankee came almost as excited cheers, one after reading each set of proofs. First he wrote: “It's charming, original, wonderful! good in imagination and solid in morals.” And again, “It's an incredible book, and it makes my heart burn with anger. It seems God didn’t forget to give you a soul. He usually just gives most writers a brain.” Then, a few days later: “The book is glorious—simply noble; what a wealth of untouched truth never seen in print before!” and, finally, “Last night I read your final chapter. As Stedman says about the whole book, it's monumental.”










To W. D. Howells, in Boston:

To W. D. Howells, in Boston:

                                             HARTFORD, Sept.  22, '89.
HARTFORD, Sept. 22, 1989.

DEAR HOWELLS,—It is immensely good of you to grind through that stuff for me; but it gives peace to Mrs. Clemens's soul; and I am as grateful to you as a body can be. I am glad you approve of what I say about the French Revolution. Few people will. It is odd that even to this day Americans still observe that immortal benefaction through English and other monarchical eyes, and have no shred of an opinion about it that they didn't get at second-hand.

DEAR HOWELLS,—It's incredibly nice of you to go through that stuff for me; but it brings peace to Mrs. Clemens's mind, and I am as grateful to you as anyone can be. I’m glad you agree with what I say about the French Revolution. Not many people do. It's strange that even now Americans still view that legendary generosity through English and other monarchical perspectives, and they don’t have any opinion about it that they didn’t get from someone else.

Next to the 4th of July and its results, it was the noblest and the holiest thing and the most precious that ever happened in this earth. And its gracious work is not done yet—not anywhere in the remote neighborhood of it.

Next to the 4th of July and its outcomes, it was the most honorable and sacred thing, the most valuable event that ever occurred on this earth. And its impactful work isn't finished yet—not even close.

Don't trouble to send me all the proofs; send me the pages with your corrections on them, and waste-basket the rest. We issue the book Dec. 10; consequently a notice that appears Dec. 20 will be just in good time.

Don't worry about sending me all the proofs; just send me the pages with your corrections on them and toss the rest. We're releasing the book on December 10, so a notice that comes out on December 20 will be perfectly fine.

I am waiting to see your Study set a fashion in criticism. When that happens—as please God it must—consider that if you lived three centuries you couldn't do a more valuable work for this country, or a humaner.

I’m looking forward to seeing your work set a trend in criticism. When that happens—and I hope it will—know that if you lived for three centuries, you couldn’t do anything more valuable or humane for this country.

As a rule a critic's dissent merely enrages, and so does no good; but by the new art which you use, your dissent must be as welcome as your approval, and as valuable. I do not know what the secret of it is, unless it is your attitude—man courteously reasoning with man and brother, in place of the worn and wearisome critical attitude of all this long time—superior being lecturing a boy.

As a rule, a critic's disagreement just makes people angry, and it doesn't help at all; but with the new approach you're using, your disagreement is just as welcome and valuable as your approval. I’m not sure what the secret is, unless it’s your attitude—one person respectfully discussing things with another as equals, instead of the tired and tedious critical stance that’s been around for so long—where someone in a superior position lectures someone else.

Well, my book is written—let it go. But if it were only to write over again there wouldn't be so many things left out. They burn in me; and they keep multiplying and multiplying; but now they can't ever be said. And besides, they would require a library—and a pen warmed up in hell.

Well, my book is done—let it be. But if I had to rewrite it, there wouldn't be so many things missing. They burn inside me, and they just keep growing; but now they can never be expressed. Plus, they would need a whole library—and a pen heated in hell.

                                        Ys Ever
                                                  MARK.
Ys Ever  
                                                  MARK.
     The type-setting machine began to loom large in the background.
     Clemens believed it perfected by this time.  Paige had got it
     together again and it was running steadily—or approximately so
     —setting type at a marvelous speed and with perfect accuracy.  In
     time an expert operator would be able to set as high as eight
     thousand ems per hour, or about ten times as much as a good
     compositor could set and distribute by hand.  Those who saw it were
     convinced—most of them—that the type-setting problem was solved by
     this great mechanical miracle.  If there were any who doubted, it
     was because of its marvelously minute accuracy which the others only
     admired.  Such accuracy, it was sometimes whispered, required
     absolutely perfect adjustment, and what would happen when the great
     inventor—“the poet in steel,” as Clemens once called him—was no
     longer at hand to supervise and to correct the slightest variation.
     But no such breath of doubt came to Mark Twain; he believed the
     machine as reliable as a constellation.

     But now there was need of capital to manufacture and market the
     wonder.  Clemens, casting about in his mind, remembered Senator
     Jones, of Nevada, a man of great wealth, and his old friend, Joe
     Goodman, of Nevada, in whom Jones had unlimited confidence.  He
     wrote to Goodman, and in this letter we get a pretty full exposition
     of the whole matter as it stood in the fall of 1889.  We note in
     this communication that Clemens says that he has been at the machine
     three years and seven months, but this was only the period during
     which he had spent the regular monthly sum of three thousand
     dollars.  His interest in the invention had begun as far back as
     1880.
     The type-setting machine started to take center stage. Clemens thought it was perfected by now. Paige had put it back together and it was running smoothly—or close to it—setting type at an incredible speed with perfect accuracy. Eventually, a skilled operator would be able to set up to eight thousand ems per hour, roughly ten times what a good compositor could set and distribute by hand. Those who saw it were mostly convinced that this mechanical marvel had solved the type-setting problem. If there were any skeptics, it was because of its incredibly precise accuracy, which others could only admire. Some whispered that such accuracy required flawless adjustment, and what would happen when the great inventor—“the poet in steel,” as Clemens once called him—was no longer there to oversee and fix even the slightest variation. But Mark Twain felt no such doubt; he believed the machine was as reliable as a star in the sky.

     However, there was now a need for funding to manufacture and market this wonder. Clemens, thinking it over, remembered Senator Jones from Nevada, a wealthy man, and his old friend, Joe Goodman, in whom Jones had complete trust. He wrote to Goodman, and in this letter, we get a pretty thorough overview of the situation as it stood in the fall of 1889. In this communication, Clemens mentions that he had been working on the machine for three years and seven months, but this was only the time during which he had spent the regular monthly sum of three thousand dollars. His interest in the invention had begun as far back as 1880.










To Joseph T. Goodman, in Nevada:

To Joseph T. Goodman, in Nevada:

                                        Private.  HARTFORD, Oct. 7, '89.
Private. HARTFORD, Oct. 7, 1889.

DEAR JOE,—I had a letter from Aleck Badlam day before yesterday, and in answering him I mentioned a matter which I asked him to consider a secret except to you and John McComb,—[This is Col. McComb, of the Alta-California, who had sent Mark Twain on the Quaker City excursion]—as I am not ready yet to get into the newspapers.

DEAR JOE,—I got a letter from Aleck Badlam the day before yesterday, and in my reply, I brought up something that I asked him to keep a secret, except for you and John McComb,—[This is Col. McComb, of the Alta-California, who had sent Mark Twain on the Quaker City trip]—since I’m not ready to hit the newspapers yet.

I have come near writing you about this matter several times, but it wasn't ripe, and I waited. It is ripe, now. It is a type-setting machine which I undertook to build for the inventor (for a consideration). I have been at it three years and seven months without losing a day, at a cost of $3,000 a month, and in so private a way that Hartford has known nothing about it. Indeed only a dozen men have known of the matter. I have reported progress from time to time to the proprietors of the N. Y. Sun, Herald, Times, World, Harper Brothers and John F. Trow; also to the proprietors of the Boston Herald and the Boston Globe. Three years ago I asked all these people to squelch their frantic desire to load up their offices with the Mergenthaler (N. Y. Tribune) machine, and wait for mine and then choose between the two. They have waited—with no very gaudy patience—but still they have waited; and I could prove to them to-day that they have not lost anything by it. But I reserve the proof for the present—except in the case of the N. Y. Herald; I sent an invitation there the other day—a courtesy due a paper which ordered $240,000 worth of our machines long ago when it was still in a crude condition. The Herald has ordered its foreman to come up here next Thursday; but that is the only invitation which will go out for some time yet.

I’ve tried to write to you about this several times, but it wasn't the right time, so I kept waiting. Now it is the right time. It’s a typesetting machine that I took on to build for the inventor (for a fee). I’ve been working on it for three years and seven months without taking a day off, at a cost of $3,000 a month, and I've kept it so private that Hartford hasn’t heard anything about it. In fact, only about a dozen people know about it. I’ve occasionally updated the owners of the N.Y. Sun, Herald, Times, World, Harper Brothers, and John F. Trow; as well as the owners of the Boston Herald and the Boston Globe. Three years ago, I asked all of these people to hold off on their eager plans to fill their offices with the Mergenthaler (N.Y. Tribune) machine and to wait for mine, then decide between the two. They have waited—with not the best patience—but still, they have waited; and I could show them today that they haven’t missed out by doing so. But I’m keeping the proof for now—except for the N.Y. Herald; I sent them an invitation recently, which is a courtesy due to a paper that ordered $240,000 worth of our machines a long time ago when it was still in a rough state. The Herald has told its foreman to come up here next Thursday; but that’s the only invitation that will go out for a while.

The machine was finished several weeks ago, and has been running ever since in the machine shop. It is a magnificent creature of steel, all of Pratt & Whitney's super-best workmanship, and as nicely adjusted and as accurate as a watch. In construction it is as elaborate and complex as that machine which it ranks next to, by every right—Man—and in performance it is as simple and sure.

The machine was completed a few weeks ago and has been operating continuously in the machine shop. It is an impressive piece of steel, showcasing Pratt & Whitney's finest craftsmanship, and it's perfectly adjusted and as precise as a watch. In terms of construction, it is as intricate and sophisticated as the next machine it rightfully ranks alongside—Man—and in terms of performance, it is straightforward and reliable.

Anybody can set type on it who can read—and can do it after only 15 minutes' instruction. The operator does not need to leave his seat at the keyboard; for the reason that he is not required to do anything but strike the keys and set type—merely one function; the spacing, justifying, emptying into the galley, and distributing of dead matter is all done by the machine without anybody's help—four functions.

Anyone who can read can operate it—with just 15 minutes of training. The operator doesn't need to get up from the keyboard since all they have to do is hit the keys and set type—just one function. The machine handles spacing, justifying, emptying into the galley, and distributing dead matter all on its own—four functions.

The ease with which a cub can learn is surprising. Day before yesterday I saw our newest cub set, perfectly space and perfectly justify 2,150 ems of solid nonpareil in an hour and distribute the like amount in the same hour—and six hours previously he had never seen the machine or its keyboard. It was a good hour's work for 3-year veterans on the other type-setting machines to do. We have 3 cubs. The dean of the trio is a school youth of 18. Yesterday morning he had been an apprentice on the machine 16 working days (8-hour days); and we speeded him to see what he could do in an hour. In the hour he set 5,900 ems solid nonpareil, and the machine perfectly spaced and justified it, and of course distributed the like amount in the same hour. Considering that a good fair compositor sets 700 and distributes 700 in the one hour, this boy did the work of about 8 x a compositors in that hour. This fact sends all other type-setting machines a thousand miles to the rear, and the best of them will never be heard of again after we publicly exhibit in New York.

The speed at which a cub can learn is impressive. Just two days ago, I watched our newest cub set, perfectly spaced and justified, 2,150 ems of solid nonpareil in an hour and distribute the same amount in that hour—six hours earlier, he had never seen the machine or its keyboard. It typically takes seasoned veterans with three years of experience on other typesetting machines a good hour to do the same work. We have three cubs. The oldest of the group is an 18-year-old high school student. As of yesterday morning, he had spent 16 working days (8-hour days) as an apprentice on the machine; we decided to see how much he could accomplish in an hour. In that hour, he set 5,900 ems of solid nonpareil, and the machine perfectly spaced and justified it, and of course distributed the same amount in that hour as well. Considering that a skilled compositor usually sets and distributes around 700 in one hour, this boy produced work equivalent to about eight compositors in that time. This clearly puts all other typesetting machines far behind, and once we showcase this in New York, the best of them will likely be forgotten.

We shall put on 3 more cubs. We have one school boy and two compositors, now,—and we think of putting on a type writer, a stenographer, and perhaps a shoemaker, to show that no special gifts or training are required with this machine. We shall train these beginners two or three months—or until some one of them gets up to 7,000 an hour—then we will show up in New York and run the machine 24 hours a day 7 days in the week, for several months—to prove that this is a machine which will never get out of order or cause delay, and can stand anything an anvil can stand. You know there is no other typesetting machine that can run two hours on a stretch without causing trouble and delay with its incurable caprices.

We’re going to add 3 more cubs. Right now, we have one schoolboy and two typesetters, and we’re thinking about bringing in a typist, a stenographer, and maybe a shoemaker to show that no special skills or training are needed with this machine. We’ll train these beginners for two or three months—or until one of them can hit 7,000 an hour—then we’ll head to New York and operate the machine 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, for several months to demonstrate that this is a machine that won’t break down or cause delays and can handle anything an anvil can. You know no other typesetting machine can run for two hours straight without causing issues and delays with its unpredictable quirks.

We own the whole field—every inch of it—and nothing can dislodge us.

We own the entire field—every bit of it—and nothing can take us out.

Now then, above is my preachment, and here follows the reason and purpose of it. I want you to run over here, roost over the machine a week and satisfy yourself, and then go to John P. Jones or to whom you please, and sell me a hundred thousand dollars' worth of this property and take ten per cent in cash or the “property” for your trouble—the latter, if you are wise, because the price I ask is a long way short of the value.

Now, above is my message, and here’s the reason and purpose behind it. I want you to come over here, hang around the machine for a week to see for yourself, and then go to John P. Jones or whoever you choose, and sell me a hundred thousand dollars' worth of this property. Take ten percent in cash or the “property” for your effort—the latter, if you’re smart, because the price I’m asking is way less than its actual value.

What I call “property” is this. A small part of my ownership consists of a royalty of $500 on every machine marketed under the American patents. My selling-terms are, a permanent royalty of one dollar on every American-marketed machine for a thousand dollars cash to me in hand paid. We shan't market any fewer than 5,000 machines in 15 years—a return of fifteen thousand dollars for one thousand. A royalty is better than stock, in one way—it must be paid, every six months, rain or shine; it is a debt, and must be paid before dividends are declared. By and by, when we become a stock company I shall buy these royalties back for stock if I can get them for anything like reasonable terms.

What I refer to as “property” is this. A portion of my ownership includes a royalty of $500 on every machine sold under the American patents. My selling terms are a permanent royalty of one dollar for every machine marketed in the U.S. in exchange for a thousand dollars paid to me upfront. We won’t sell fewer than 5,000 machines over the next 15 years—that’s a return of fifteen thousand dollars for an initial investment of one thousand. A royalty is better than stock in one way—it has to be paid every six months, no matter what; it’s a debt and must be settled before any dividends are issued. Eventually, when we become a stock company, I plan to buy back these royalties for stock if I can secure them on reasonable terms.

I have never borrowed a penny to use on the machine, and never sold a penny's worth of the property until the machine was entirely finished and proven by the severest tests to be what she started out to be—perfect, permanent, and occupying the position, as regards all kindred machines, which the City of Paris occupies as regards the canvas-backs of the mercantile marine.

I have never borrowed a cent to use on the machine, and I haven't sold anything until the machine was completely finished and proven through rigorous testing to be exactly what it was intended to be—perfect, permanent, and holding a position among similar machines that is comparable to the City of Paris's standing in the world of mercantile marine canvas-backs.

It is my purpose to sell two hundred dollars of my royalties at the above price during the next two months and keep the other $300.

It’s my goal to sell $200 of my royalties at the price mentioned above in the next two months and keep the other $300.

Mrs. Clemens begs Mrs. Goodman to come with you, and asks pardon for not writing the message herself—which would be a pathetically-welcome spectacle to me; for I have been her amanuensis for 8 months, now, since her eyes failed her. Yours as always

Mrs. Clemens asks Mrs. Goodman to join you and apologizes for not writing the message herself—which I would find truly moving; I have been her assistant for 8 months now since her eyesight got worse. Yours as always

                                        MARK.
MARK.
     While this letter with its amazing contents is on its way to
     astonish Joe Goodman, we will consider one of quite a different,
     but equally characteristic sort.  We may assume that Mark Twain's
     sister Pamela had been visiting him in Hartford and was now making
     a visit in Keokuk.
     While this letter with its amazing contents is on its way to
     surprise Joe Goodman, we will consider one of a different,
     but equally distinctive kind.  We can assume that Mark Twain's
     sister Pamela had been visiting him in Hartford and was now visiting
     Keokuk.










To Mrs. Moffett, in Keokuk:

To Mrs. Moffett in Keokuk:

                                             HARTFORD, Oct 9, '89.
HARTFORD, Oct 9, 1989.

DEAR PAMELA,—An hour after you left I was suddenly struck with a realizing sense of the utter chuckle-headedness of that notion of mine: to send your trunk after you. Land! it was idiotic. None but a lunatic would, separate himself from his baggage.

DEAR PAMELA,—An hour after you left, I suddenly realized how ridiculous my idea was: to send your trunk after you. Goodness! It was stupid. Only a crazy person would separate themselves from their luggage.

Well, I am soulfully glad the baggage fetcher saved me from consummating my insane inspiration. I met him on the street in the afternoon and paid him again. I shall pay him several times more, as opportunity offers.

Well, I’m truly grateful the baggage handler saved me from acting on my wild idea. I ran into him on the street in the afternoon and paid him again. I’ll pay him several times more whenever I can.

I declined the invitation to banquet with the visiting South American Congress, in a polite note explaining that I had to go to New York today. I conveyed the note privately to Patrick; he got the envelope soiled, and asked Livy to put on a clean one. That is why I am going to the banquet; also why I have disinvited the boys I thought I was going to punch billiards with, upstairs to-night.

I turned down the invitation to have dinner with the visiting South American Congress, in a polite note explaining that I had to go to New York today. I handed the note privately to Patrick; he got the envelope dirty and asked Livy to put it in a clean one. That's why I'm going to the dinner; it's also why I uninvited the guys I thought I’d be playing billiards with upstairs tonight.

Patrick is one of the injudiciousest people I ever struck. And I am the other.

Patrick is one of the most reckless people I've ever met. And I am the other.

                         Your Brother
                                             SAM.
Your Bro  
                                             SAM.
     The Yankee was now ready for publication, and advance sheets were
     already in the reviewers' hands.  Just at this moment the Brazilian
     monarchy crumbled, and Clemens was moved to write Sylvester Baxter,
     of the Boston Herald, a letter which is of special interest in its
     prophecy of the new day, the dawn of which was even nearer than he
     suspected.
     The Yankee was now set for publication, and advance copies were already with the reviewers. Just then, the Brazilian monarchy collapsed, and Clemens felt compelled to write to Sylvester Baxter at the Boston Herald, a letter that is particularly noteworthy for its foresight about the new era, the start of which was closer than he realized.

DEAR MR. BAXTER, Another throne has gone down, and I swim in oceans of satisfaction. I wish I might live fifty years longer; I believe I should see the thrones of Europe selling at auction for old iron. I believe I should really see the end of what is surely the grotesquest of all the swindles ever invented by man-monarchy. It is enough to make a graven image laugh, to see apparently rational people, away down here in this wholesome and merciless slaughter-day for shams, still mouthing empty reverence for those moss-backed frauds and scoundrelisms, hereditary kingship and so-called “nobility.” It is enough to make the monarchs and nobles themselves laugh—and in private they do; there can be no question about that. I think there is only one funnier thing, and that is the spectacle of these bastard Americans—these Hamersleys and Huntingtons and such—offering cash, encumbered by themselves, for rotten carcases and stolen titles. When our great brethren the disenslaved Brazilians frame their Declaration of Independence, I hope they will insert this missing link: “We hold these truths to be self-evident: that all monarchs are usurpers, and descendants of usurpers; for the reason that no throne was ever set up in this world by the will, freely exercised, of the only body possessing the legitimate right to set it up—the numerical mass of the nation.”

DEAR MR. BAXTER, Another throne has fallen, and I’m filled with satisfaction. I wish I could live fifty more years; I believe I would see the thrones of Europe being sold at auction as scrap metal. I really believe I would witness the end of what is undoubtedly the most ridiculous scam ever created by man—monarchy. It's enough to make a statue laugh to see supposedly rational people, down here in this healthy and ruthless day of exposing fakes, still paying empty respect to those outdated frauds and scams, hereditary kings and so-called “nobility.” It’s enough to make the monarchs and nobles themselves laugh—and privately, they do; there’s no doubt about that. I think there's only one thing funnier, and that’s the sight of these wannabe Americans—these Hamersleys and Huntingtons and others—offering cash, weighed down by their own issues, for decayed corpses and stolen titles. When our great brothers, the freed Brazilians, draft their Declaration of Independence, I hope they include this missing point: “We hold these truths to be self-evident: that all monarchs are usurpers, and descendants of usurpers; because no throne was ever established in this world by the freely exercised will of the only group that has the legitimate right to set it up—the people of the nation.”

You already have the advance sheets of my forthcoming book in your hands. If you will turn to about the five hundredth page, you will find a state paper of my Connecticut Yankee in which he announces the dissolution of King Arthur's monarchy and proclaims the English Republic. Compare it with the state paper which announces the downfall of the Brazilian monarchy and proclaims the Republic of the United States of Brazil, and stand by to defend the Yankee from plagiarism. There is merely a resemblance of ideas, nothing more. The Yankee's proclamation was already in print a week ago. This is merely one of those odd coincidences which are always turning up. Come, protect the Yank from that cheapest and easiest of all charges—plagiarism. Otherwise, you see, he will have to protect himself by charging approximate and indefinite plagiarism upon the official servants of our majestic twin down yonder, and then there might be war, or some similar annoyance.

You already have the advance sheets of my upcoming book in your hands. If you flip to about the five hundredth page, you’ll find a state paper from my Connecticut Yankee announcing the end of King Arthur's monarchy and the establishment of the English Republic. Compare it to the state paper that declares the collapse of the Brazilian monarchy and the creation of the Republic of the United States of Brazil, and be ready to defend the Yankee from claims of plagiarism. There’s just a similarity of ideas, nothing more. The Yankee's proclamation was already published a week ago. This is just one of those strange coincidences that keep happening. Come on, defend the Yank from that cheapest and easiest accusation—plagiarism. Otherwise, you see, he’ll have to defend himself by accusing the official employees of our glorious twin down there of similar and vague plagiarism, and then there might be war or some other annoying issue.

Have you noticed the rumor that the Portuguese throne is unsteady, and that the Portuguese slaves are getting restive? Also, that the head slave-driver of Europe, Alexander III, has so reduced his usual monthly order for chains that the Russian foundries are running on only half time now? Also that other rumor that English nobility acquired an added stench the other day—and had to ship it to India and the continent because there wasn't any more room for it at home? Things are working. By and by there is going to be an emigration, may be. Of course we shall make no preparation; we never do. In a few years from now we shall have nothing but played-out kings and dukes on the police, and driving the horse-cars, and whitewashing fences, and in fact overcrowding all the avenues of unskilled labor; and then we shall wish, when it is too late, that we had taken common and reasonable precautions and drowned them at Castle Garden.

Have you heard the rumor that the Portuguese throne is shaky and that the Portuguese slaves are getting restless? Also, that the main slave driver in Europe, Alexander III, has cut his usual monthly order for chains so much that the Russian factories are only working part-time now? And there's that other rumor about the English nobility picking up an extra stench recently—and having to ship it off to India and the continent because there wasn't any more room for it at home? Things are happening. Eventually, there might be an emigration. Of course, we won't make any preparations; we never do. In a few years, we'll only have washed-up kings and dukes working as police, driving horse-drawn cars, whitewashing fences, and basically crowding all the low-skill jobs; and then we'll regret, when it’s too late, that we didn't take some sensible precautions and got rid of them at Castle Garden.

     There followed at this time a number of letters to Goodman, but as
     there is much of a sameness in them, we need not print them all.
     Clemens, in fact, kept the mails warm with letters bulging with
     schemes for capitalization, and promising vast wealth to all
     concerned.  When the letters did not go fast enough he sent
     telegrams.  In one of the letters Goodman is promised “five hundred
     thousand dollars out of the profits before we get anything
     ourselves.”  One thing we gather from these letters is that Paige
     has taken the machine apart again, never satisfied with its
     perfection, or perhaps getting a hint that certain of its
     perfections were not permanent.  A letter at the end of November
     seems worth preserving here.
There were many letters sent to Goodman during this time, but since they are quite similar, we don’t need to print them all. Clemens, in fact, kept the mail lively with letters packed with ideas for funding and promising huge profits for everyone involved. When the letters didn’t arrive quickly enough, he sent telegrams. In one of the letters, Goodman is promised “five hundred thousand dollars out of the profits before we get anything ourselves.” One thing we learn from these letters is that Paige has taken the machine apart again, never satisfied with its perfection, or perhaps getting a hint that some of its supposed perfections weren’t permanent. A letter from the end of November seems worth keeping here.










To Joseph T. Goodman, in California:

To Joseph T. Goodman, in California:

                                             HARTFORD, Nov. 29, '89.
HARTFORD, Nov. 29, '89.

DEAR JOE, Things are getting into better and more flexible shape every day. Papers are now being drawn which will greatly simplify the raising of capital; I shall be in supreme command; it will not be necessary for the capitalist to arrive at terms with anybody but me. I don't want to dicker with anybody but Jones. I know him; that is to say, I want to dicker with you, and through you with Jones. Try to see if you can't be here by the 15th of January.

DEAR JOE, Things are improving and becoming more flexible every day. We’re now preparing documents that will make raising capital much easier; I’ll be in total control; the investor will only need to negotiate with me. I only want to deal with you and Jones. I know him; that is to say, I want to negotiate with you, and through you with Jones. Please see if you can be here by January 15th.

The machine was as perfect as a watch when we took her apart the other day; but when she goes together again the 15th of January we expect her to be perfecter than a watch.

The machine was as perfect as a clock when we took her apart the other day; but when we put her back together again on January 15th, we expect her to be even more perfect than a clock.

Joe, I want you to sell some royalties to the boys out there, if you can, for I want to be financially strong when we go to New York. You know the machine, and you appreciate its future enormous career better than any man I know. At the lowest conceivable estimate (2,000 machines a year,) we shall sell 34,000 in the life of the patent—17 years.

Joe, I want you to sell some royalties to the guys out there, if you can, because I want to be financially secure when we head to New York. You know the machine, and you understand its potential for huge success better than anyone I know. At the very least, if we sell 2,000 machines a year, we’ll move 34,000 over the life of the patent—17 years.

All the family send love to you—and they mean it, or they wouldn't say it.

All the family sends their love to you—and they really mean it, or they wouldn't say it.

                              Yours ever
                                        MARK.
Always yours  
                                        MARK.
     The Yankee had come from the press, and Howells had praised it in
     the “Editor's Study” in Harper's Magazine.  He had given it his
     highest commendation, and it seems that his opinion of it did not
     change with time.  “Of all fanciful schemes of fiction it pleases me
     most,” he in one place declared, and again referred to it as
     “a greatly imagined and symmetrically developed tale.”

     In more than one letter to Goodman, Clemens had urged him to come
     East without delay.  “Take the train, Joe, and come along,” he wrote
     early in December.  And we judge from the following that Joe had
     decided to come.
     The Yankee had just been published, and Howells had praised it in the “Editor's Study” in Harper's Magazine. He had given it his highest recommendation, and it seems his opinion of it stayed the same over time. “Of all fanciful schemes of fiction, it pleases me the most,” he wrote in one instance, and he referred to it again as “a greatly imagined and symmetrically developed tale.”

     In several letters to Goodman, Clemens had urged him to come East without delay. “Take the train, Joe, and come along,” he wrote early in December. From the following, it appears that Joe had decided to come.










To W. D. Howells, in Boston:

To W. D. Howells, in Boston:

                                             HARTFORD, Dec. 23, '89.
HARTFORD, Dec. 23, 1989.

DEAR HOWELLS,—The magazine came last night, and the Study notice is just great. The satisfaction it affords us could not be more prodigious if the book deserved every word of it; and maybe it does; I hope it does, though of course I can't realize it and believe it. But I am your grateful servant, anyway and always.

DEAR HOWELLS,—The magazine arrived last night, and the notice in the Study is just fantastic. The satisfaction it brings us couldn't be more immense if the book truly deserved every word; and maybe it does; I hope it does, even though I can't quite grasp it and believe it. But I'm still your grateful servant, now and always.

I am going to read to the Cadets at West Point Jan. 11. I go from here to New York the 9th, and up to the Point the 11th. Can't you go with me? It's great fun. I'm going to read the passages in the “Yankee” in which the Yankee's West Point cadets figure—and shall covertly work in a lecture on aristocracy to those boys. I am to be the guest of the Superintendent, but if you will go I will shake him and we will go to the hotel. He is a splendid fellow, and I know him well enough to take that liberty.

I’m going to read to the Cadets at West Point on January 11. I’ll head to New York on the 9th and then to the Point on the 11th. Can you come with me? It’ll be a lot of fun. I’m going to read the parts in the “Yankee” where the Yankee’s West Point cadets are featured—and I’ll secretly include a talk about aristocracy for those guys. I’ll be a guest of the Superintendent, but if you join me, I can get him to change plans and we can stay at the hotel. He’s a great guy, and I know him well enough to do that.

And won't you give me a day or two's visit toward the end of January? For two reasons: the machine will be at work again by that time, and we want to hear the rest of the dream-story; Mrs. Clemens keeps speaking about it and hankering for it. And we can have Joe Goodman on hand again by that time, and I want you to get to know him thoroughly. It's well worth it. I am going to run up and stay over night with you as soon as I can get a chance.

And could you come visit me for a day or two at the end of January? For two reasons: the machine will be running again by then, and we want to hear the rest of the dream story; Mrs. Clemens keeps bringing it up and is really eager to hear it. Also, we can have Joe Goodman around again by that time, and I want you to get to know him really well. It’s definitely worth it. I'm planning to come up and stay overnight with you as soon as I get the chance.

We are in the full rush of the holidays now, and an awful rush it is, too. You ought to have been here the other day, to make that day perfect and complete. All alone I managed to inflict agonies on Mrs. Clemens, whereas I was expecting nothing but praises. I made a party call the day after the party—and called the lady down from breakfast to receive it. I then left there and called on a new bride, who received me in her dressing-gown; and as things went pretty well, I stayed to luncheon. The error here was, that the appointed reception-hour was 3 in the afternoon, and not at the bride's house but at her aunt's in another part of the town. However, as I meant well, none of these disasters distressed me.

We’re fully in the holiday rush now, and it’s a crazy rush, too. You really should have been here the other day to make that day perfect and complete. All by myself, I somehow managed to annoy Mrs. Clemens, when I was expecting nothing but compliments. I made a party call the day after the gathering—and called the lady down from breakfast to receive it. After that, I visited a new bride, who welcomed me in her dressing gown; since things were going well, I stuck around for lunch. The mistake here was that the scheduled reception time was at 3 in the afternoon, and it wasn’t at the bride's house but at her aunt’s in another part of town. However, since I had good intentions, none of these blunders bothered me.

                         Yrs ever
                                   MARK.
Yours always  
                                   MARK.
     The Yankee did not find a very hearty welcome in England.  English
     readers did not fancy any burlesque of their Arthurian tales, or
     American strictures on their institutions.  Mark Twain's publishers
     had feared this, and asked that the story be especially edited for
     the English edition.  Clemens, however, would not listen to any
     suggestions of the sort.
     The Yankee didn’t get a warm reception in England. English readers didn’t appreciate any mockery of their Arthurian legends or American criticisms of their institutions. Mark Twain’s publishers were worried about this and requested that the story be specially edited for the English edition. Clemens, however, refused to consider any suggestions like that.










To Messrs. Chatto & Windus, in London, Eng.:

To Messrs. Chatto & Windus, in London, England:

GENTLEMEN,—Concerning The Yankee, I have already revised the story twice; and it has been read critically by W. D. Howells and Edmund Clarence Stedman, and my wife has caused me to strike out several passages that have been brought to her attention, and to soften others. Furthermore, I have read chapters of the book in public where Englishmen were present and have profited by their suggestions.

GENTLEMEN,—Regarding The Yankee, I've already revised the story twice, and it has been critically reviewed by W. D. Howells and Edmund Clarence Stedman. My wife has also pointed out several passages that I've removed and has suggested softening others. Additionally, I've read chapters of the book in public where Englishmen were present and have taken their feedback into account.

Now, mind you, I have taken all this pains because I wanted to say a Yankee mechanic's say against monarchy and its several natural props, and yet make a book which you would be willing to print exactly as it comes to you, without altering a word.

Now, keep in mind, I've gone through all this effort because I wanted to share a Yankee mechanic's perspective against monarchy and its various supportive elements, and still create a book that you would be ready to publish just as it is, without changing a word.

We are spoken of (by Englishmen) as a thin-skinned people. It is you who are thin-skinned. An Englishman may write with the most brutal frankness about any man or institution among us and we republish him without dreaming of altering a line or a word. But England cannot stand that kind of a book written about herself. It is England that is thin-skinned. It causeth me to smile when I read the modifications of my language which have been made in my English editions to fit them for the sensitive English palate.

We are referred to (by the English) as a sensitive people. But it's you who are sensitive. An Englishman can write with brutal honesty about anyone or anything here, and we publish it without thinking of changing a single line or word. But England can't handle that kind of book written about itself. It's England that’s sensitive. It makes me laugh when I see the changes made to my language in the English editions to cater to the delicate English taste.

Now, as I say, I have taken laborious pains to so trim this book of offense that you might not lack the nerve to print it just as it stands. I am going to get the proofs to you just as early as I can. I want you to read it carefully. If you can publish it without altering a single word, go ahead. Otherwise, please hand it to J. R. Osgood in time for him to have it published at my expense.

Now, as I mentioned, I’ve worked really hard to revise this book so that it won’t offend anyone, making sure you have the confidence to publish it exactly as it is. I’ll get the proofs to you as soon as I can. I’d like you to read it thoroughly. If you can publish it without changing a single word, go for it. If not, please give it to J. R. Osgood in time for him to publish it at my expense.

This is important, for the reason that the book was not written for America; it was written for England. So many Englishmen have done their sincerest best to teach us something for our betterment that it seems to me high time that some of us should substantially recognize the good intent by trying to pry up the English nation to a little higher level of manhood in turn.

This is important because the book wasn’t written for America; it was written for England. Many English people have genuinely tried to teach us something for our improvement, so I think it’s about time that some of us acknowledge their good intentions by encouraging the English nation to elevate their sense of manhood in return.

                    Very truly yours,
                              S. L. CLEMENS.
Best,  
S. L. CLEMENS.

The English nation, at least a considerable portion of it, did not wish to be “pried up to a higher level of manhood” by a Connecticut Yankee. The papers pretty generally denounced the book as coarse; in fact, a vulgar travesty. Some of the critics concluded that England, after all, had made a mistake in admiring Mark Twain. Clemens stood this for a time and then seems to have decided that something should be done. One of the foremost of English critics was his friend and admirer; he would state the case to him fully and invite his assistance.

The English nation, or at least a significant part of it, didn’t want to be “raised to a higher level of manhood” by a Connecticut Yankee. Most papers criticized the book as crude; in fact, a vulgar mockery. Some critics even concluded that England had made a mistake in praising Mark Twain. Clemens tolerated this for a while but eventually decided that action was necessary. One of the leading English critics was his friend and fan; he would explain the situation to him completely and ask for his help.










To Andrew Lang, in London:

To Andrew Lang, in London:

[First page missing.]

[First page missing.]

                                                            1889
1889

They vote but do not print. The head tells you pretty promptly whether the food is satisfactory or not; and everybody hears, and thinks the whole man has spoken. It is a delusion. Only his taste and his smell have been heard from—important, both, in a way, but these do not build up the man; and preserve his life and fortify it.

They vote but don’t print. The head quickly signals whether the food is good or not; everyone hears it and believes that the whole person has spoken. It’s an illusion. Only his taste and smell have made a comment—both are important in their own way, but they don’t define the person; they sustain his life and strengthen it.

The little child is permitted to label its drawings “This is a cow this is a horse,” and so on. This protects the child. It saves it from the sorrow and wrong of hearing its cows and its horses criticized as kangaroos and work benches. A man who is white-washing a fence is doing a useful thing, so also is the man who is adorning a rich man's house with costly frescoes; and all of us are sane enough to judge these performances by standards proper to each. Now, then, to be fair, an author ought to be allowed to put upon his book an explanatory line: “This is written for the Head;” “This is written for the Belly and the Members.” And the critic ought to hold himself in honor bound to put away from him his ancient habit of judging all books by one standard, and thenceforth follow a fairer course.

The little child is allowed to label its drawings "This is a cow, this is a horse," and so on. This protects the child. It saves them from the hurt and unfairness of hearing their cows and horses criticized as kangaroos and workbenches. A person who is painting a fence is doing something useful, just like the person who is decorating a wealthy person's house with expensive murals; and we are all sensible enough to evaluate these actions based on standards relevant to each. Now, in fairness, an author should have the right to include a note on their book: "This is written for the Mind;" "This is written for the Body and its Parts." And critics should commit to setting aside their long-held habit of judging all books by a single standard, and instead adopt a more fair approach.

The critic assumes, every time, that if a book doesn't meet the cultivated-class standard, it isn't valuable. Let us apply his law all around: for if it is sound in the case of novels, narratives, pictures, and such things, it is certainly sound and applicable to all the steps which lead up to culture and make culture possible. It condemns the spelling book, for a spelling book is of no use to a person of culture; it condemns all school books and all schools which lie between the child's primer and Greek, and between the infant school and the university; it condemns all the rounds of art which lie between the cheap terra cotta groups and the Venus de Medici, and between the chromo and the Transfiguration; it requires Whitcomb Riley to sing no more till he can sing like Shakespeare, and it forbids all amateur music and will grant its sanction to nothing below the “classic.”

The critic always assumes that if a book doesn't meet the standards of high culture, it has no value. Let’s apply this logic everywhere: if it holds true for novels, stories, art, and similar things, then it definitely applies to all the steps that lead to culture and make it possible. It dismisses the spelling book, since a spelling book is useless to a cultured person; it dismisses all school books and schools that exist between a child's primer and Greek, and between elementary school and university; it dismisses all forms of art that fall between cheap clay figures and the Venus de Medici, and between prints and the Transfiguration; it demands that Whitcomb Riley not perform again until he can sing like Shakespeare, and it bans all amateur music, only approving works that are considered “classics.”

Is this an extravagant statement? No, it is a mere statement of fact. It is the fact itself that is extravagant and grotesque. And what is the result? This—and it is sufficiently curious: the critic has actually imposed upon the world the superstition that a painting by Raphael is more valuable to the civilizations of the earth than is a chromo; and the august opera than the hurdy-gurdy and the villagers' singing society; and Homer than the little everybody's-poet whose rhymes are in all mouths today and will be in nobody's mouth next generation; and the Latin classics than Kipling's far-reaching bugle-note; and Jonathan Edwards than the Salvation Army; and the Venus de Medici than the plaster-cast peddler; the superstition, in a word, that the vast and awful comet that trails its cold lustre through the remote abysses of space once a century and interests and instructs a cultivated handful of astronomers is worth more to the world than the sun which warms and cheers all the nations every day and makes the crops to grow.

Is this an exaggerated claim? No, it's simply stating the truth. The truth itself is what’s extravagant and absurd. So, what’s the outcome? This — and it’s pretty interesting: critics have really convinced people that a painting by Raphael is worth more to the civilizations of the world than a chromo; that grand opera is more important than a hurdy-gurdy and the village choir; that Homer is greater than the little poet loved by everyone whose verses are on everyone’s lips today but will be forgotten by the next generation; that the Latin classics are superior to Kipling’s influential works; that Jonathan Edwards matters more than the Salvation Army; that the Venus de Medici is worth more than a plaster cast sold by a peddler; in short, the belief that the massive and mysterious comet that glides across the vastness of space once every hundred years, captivating and teaching a select few astronomers, is more valuable to the world than the sun, which warms and uplifts all nations every day and helps crops thrive.

If a critic should start a religion it would not have any object but to convert angels: and they wouldn't need it. The thin top crust of humanity—the cultivated—are worth pacifying, worth pleasing, worth coddling, worth nourishing and preserving with dainties and delicacies, it is true; but to be caterer to that little faction is no very dignified or valuable occupation, it seems to me; it is merely feeding the over-fed, and there must be small satisfaction in that. It is not that little minority who are already saved that are best worth trying to uplift, I should think, but the mighty mass of the uncultivated who are underneath. That mass will never see the Old Masters—that sight is for the few; but the chromo maker can lift them all one step upward toward appreciation of art; they cannot have the opera, but the hurdy-gurdy and the singing class lift them a little way toward that far light; they will never know Homer, but the passing rhymester of their day leaves them higher than he found them; they may never even hear of the Latin classics, but they will strike step with Kipling's drum-beat, and they will march; for all Jonathan Edwards's help they would die in their slums, but the Salvation Army will beguile some of them up to pure air and a cleaner life; they know no sculpture, the Venus is not even a name to them, but they are a grade higher in the scale of civilization by the ministrations of the plaster-cast than they were before it took its place upon then mantel and made it beautiful to their unexacting eyes.

If a critic were to start a religion, it would only aim to convert angels, and they wouldn't need it. The small elite of humanity—those who are cultured—are worth appeasing, worth pleasing, worth indulging, and worth nurturing with fancy food and treats, that's true; but catering to that little group doesn't seem like a very dignified or valuable job to me; it's just feeding the already well-fed, and there can’t be much satisfaction in that. It’s not that small minority who are already saved that are the best candidates for uplifting, in my opinion, but the vast number of uncultivated individuals who are below. That group will never get to see the Old Masters—that experience is for the privileged few; but a picture manufacturer can help them all take a step up toward appreciating art; they might not have opera, but the street performer and the community choir raise them a bit closer to that distant light; they will never know Homer, but the local poet of their time leaves them better off than he found them; they may never even hear of the Latin classics, but they will march to Kipling's drumbeat; despite all of Jonathan Edwards' help, they would perish in their slums, but the Salvation Army will inspire some of them to experience fresh air and a cleaner life; they aren't familiar with sculpture, the Venus isn't even a name to them, but they become a little higher in the hierarchy of civilization through the influence of a plaster cast than they were before it took its place on the mantel and beautified it for their straightforward eyes.

Indeed I have been misjudged, from the very first. I have never tried in even one single instance, to help cultivate the cultivated classes. I was not equipped for it, either by native gifts or training. And I never had any ambition in that direction, but always hunted for bigger game—the masses. I have seldom deliberately tried to instruct them, but have done my best to entertain them. To simply amuse them would have satisfied my dearest ambition at any time; for they could get instruction elsewhere, and I had two chances to help to the teacher's one: for amusement is a good preparation for study and a good healer of fatigue after it. My audience is dumb, it has no voice in print, and so I cannot know whether I have won its approbation or only got its censure.

Indeed, I have been misunderstood from the very beginning. I have never made an effort, even once, to support the educated classes. I wasn’t suited for it, either by natural talent or training. I never had any desire in that direction; instead, I’ve always aimed for bigger challenges—the masses. I rarely made a conscious effort to teach them, but I’ve done my best to entertain them. Simply amusing them would have fulfilled my greatest ambition at any time; they could find instruction elsewhere, and I had two chances to contribute for every one the teacher had: because entertainment is a great way to prepare for studying and a good remedy for fatigue afterward. My audience is silent, it has no voice in the media, so I can’t know if I have earned its approval or merely faced its criticism.

Yes, you see, I have always catered for the Belly and the Members, but have been served like the others—criticized from the culture-standard—to my sorrow and pain; because, honestly, I never cared what became of the cultured classes; they could go to the theatre and the opera—they had no use for me and the melodeon.

Yes, you see, I have always provided for the people and the groups, but I have been treated like everyone else—criticized based on cultural standards—to my grief and distress; because, to be honest, I never cared what happened to the cultured classes; they could go to the theater and the opera—they had no need for me and my melodeon.

And now at last I arrive at my object and tender my petition, making supplication to this effect: that the critics adopt a rule recognizing the Belly and the Members, and formulate a standard whereby work done for them shall be judged. Help me, Mr. Lang; no voice can reach further than yours in a case of this kind, or carry greater weight of authority.

And now I finally get to my point and make my request, asking that the critics create a rule acknowledging the Belly and the Members, and develop a standard by which their work should be evaluated. Please assist me, Mr. Lang; no one has more influence than you in a matter like this, or holds greater authority.

     Lang's reply was an article in the Illustrated London News on “The
     Art of Mark Twain.”  Lang had no admiration to express for the
     Yankee, which he confessed he had not cared to read, but he
     glorified Huck Finn to the highest.  “I can never forget, nor be
     ungrateful for the exquisite pleasure with which I read Huckleberry
     Finn for the first time, years ago,” he wrote; “I read it again last
     night, deserting Kenilworth for Huck.  I never laid it down till I
     had finished it.”

     Lang closed his article by referring to the story of Huck as the
     “great American novel which had escaped the eyes of those who
     watched to see this new planet swim into their ken.”
 
     Lang's response was an article in the Illustrated London News titled “The Art of Mark Twain.” Lang didn’t express any admiration for the Yankee, admitting he hadn’t bothered to read it, but he praised Huck Finn to the highest degree. “I can never forget nor be ungrateful for the incredible pleasure I experienced when I read Huckleberry Finn for the first time, years ago,” he wrote; “I read it again last night, abandoning Kenilworth for Huck. I couldn’t put it down until I finished it.”

     Lang concluded his article by calling Huck's story the “great American novel that had gone unnoticed by those looking for this new planet to come into view.”




XXX. LETTERS, 1890, CHIEFLY TO JOS. T. GOODMAN. THE GREAT MACHINE ENTERPRISE

     Dr. John Brown's son, whom Mark Twain and his wife had known in 1873
     as “Jock,” sent copies of Dr. John Brown and His Sister Isabella, by
     E.  T.  McLaren.  It was a gift appreciated in the Clemens home.
     Dr. John Brown's son, whom Mark Twain and his wife had known in 1873 as “Jock,” sent copies of Dr. John Brown and His Sister Isabella, by E. T. McLaren. It was a gift appreciated in the Clemens home.










To Mr. John Brown, in Edinburgh, Scotland:

To Mr. John Brown, in Edinburgh, Scotland:

                                             HARTFORD, Feby 11, 1890.
HARTFORD, Feb 11, 1890.

DEAR MR. BROWN,—Both copies came, and we are reading and re-reading the one, and lending the other, to old time adorers of “Rab and his Friends.” It is an exquisite book; the perfection of literary workmanship. It says in every line, “Don't look at me, look at him”—and one tries to be good and obey; but the charm of the painter is so strong that one can't keep his entire attention on the developing portrait, but must steal side-glimpses of the artist, and try to divine the trick of her felicitous brush. In this book the doctor lives and moves just as he was. He was the most extensive slave-holder of his time, and the kindest; and yet he died without setting one of his bondmen free. We all send our very, very kindest regards.

DEAR MR. BROWN,—We received both copies, and we're reading and re-reading one while lending the other to longtime fans of “Rab and his Friends.” It's a wonderful book; the peak of literary craftsmanship. It conveys in every line, “Don’t focus on me, focus on him”—and we try to be good and follow that, but the allure of the writer is so strong that we can't keep our full attention on the unfolding story, and we end up stealing side-glances at the creator, trying to figure out the magic behind her brilliant writing. In this book, the doctor comes to life just as he was. He was the largest slave-owner of his time and also the kindest; yet he passed away without freeing a single one of his slaves. We all send our warmest regards.

                         Sincerely yours
                                   S. L. CLEMENS.
Best regards,  
                                   S. L. CLEMENS.
     If Mark Twain had been less interested in the type-setting machine
     he might possibly have found a profit that winter in the old Sellers
     play, which he had written with Howells seven years before.  The
     play had eventually been produced at the Lyceum Theatre in New York,
     with A. P. Burbank in the leading role, and Clemens and Howells as
     financial backers.  But it was a losing investment, nor did it pay
     any better when Clemens finally sent Burbank with it on the road.
     Now, however, James A.  Herne, a well-known actor and playwright,
     became interested in the idea, after a discussion of the matter with
     Howells, and there seemed a probability that with changes made under
     Herne's advisement the play might be made sensible and successful.

     But Mark Twain's greater interest was now all in the type-machine,
     and certainly he had no money to put into any other venture.  His
     next letter to Goodman is illuminating—the urgency of his need for
     funds opposed to that conscientiousness which was one of the most
     positive forces of Mark Twain's body spiritual.  The Mr. Arnot of
     this letter was an Elmira capitalist.
     If Mark Twain had been less focused on the typesetting machine, he might have been able to turn a profit that winter from the old Sellers play he had co-written with Howells seven years earlier. The play was eventually staged at the Lyceum Theatre in New York, featuring A. P. Burbank in the lead role, with Clemens and Howells serving as financial backers. However, it ended up being a financial loss, and it didn’t do any better when Clemens finally sent Burbank on tour with it. Now, though, James A. Herne, a well-known actor and playwright, expressed interest in the concept after discussing it with Howells, and it seemed likely that with some adjustments under Herne's guidance, the play could become both sensible and successful.

     Yet, Mark Twain was still fully absorbed in the typesetting machine, and he definitely didn’t have any money to invest in another project. His next letter to Goodman reveals his urgent need for funds, contrasting sharply with his sense of responsibility, which was one of the most significant aspects of Mark Twain's character. The Mr. Arnot mentioned in this letter was a capitalist from Elmira.










To Jos. T. Goodman, in California:

To Jos. T. Goodman, in California:

                                             HARTFORD, March 31, '90.
HARTFORD, March 31, 1990.

DEAR JOE,—If you were here, I should say, “Get you to Washington and beg Senator Jones to take the chances and put up about ten or “—no, I wouldn't. The money would burn a hole in my pocket and get away from me if the furnisher of it were proceeding upon merely your judgment and mine and without other evidence. It is too much of a responsibility.

DEAR JOE,—If you were here, I would say, “Head to Washington and ask Senator Jones to take the risk and put up about ten or”—no, I wouldn’t. The money would burn a hole in my pocket and slip away if the person providing it was just relying on your and my judgment without any other evidence. It’s too much responsibility.

But I am in as close a place to-day as ever I was; $3,000 due for the last month's machine-expenses, and the purse empty. I notified Mr. Arnot a month ago that I should want $5,000 to-day, and his check arrived last night; but I sent it back to him, because when he bought of me on the 9th of December I said that I would not draw upon him for 3 months, and that before that date Senator Jones would have examined the machine and approved, or done the other thing. If Jones should arrive here a week or ten days from now (as he expects to do,) and should not approve, and shouldn't buy any royalties, my deal with Arnot would not be symmetrically square, and then how could I refund? The surest way was to return his check.

But I'm in just as tight a spot today as I ever was; $3,000 due for last month's machine expenses, and my wallet is empty. I let Mr. Arnot know a month ago that I would need $5,000 today, and his check came through last night; but I sent it back to him because when he bought from me on December 9th, I said I wouldn’t draw on him for three months, and that before that date Senator Jones would have looked at the machine and either approved it or not. If Jones arrives here in a week or ten days (as he plans to do) and doesn't approve, and doesn’t buy any royalties, my deal with Arnot wouldn’t be fair, and then how could I pay him back? The safest move was to return his check.

I have talked with the madam, and here is the result. I will go down to the factory and notify Paige that I will scrape together $6,000 to meet the March and April expenses, and will retire on the 30th of April and return the assignment to him if in the meantime I have not found financial relief.

I spoke with the lady, and here’s the outcome. I’m going to head down to the factory and let Paige know that I’ll gather $6,000 to cover the expenses for March and April, and I’ll step down on April 30th and give the assignment back to him if I haven’t found a financial solution in the meantime.

It is very rough; for the machine does at last seem perfect, and just a bird to go! I think she's going to be good for 8,000 ems an hour in the hands of a good ordinary man after a solid year's practice. I may be in error, but I most solidly believe it.

It’s pretty rough; the machine finally seems perfect, and just a little more to go! I think it’ll be capable of 8,000 ems an hour in the hands of a decent operator after a solid year of practice. I could be wrong, but I definitely believe that.

There's an improved Mergenthaler in New York; Paige and Davis and I watched it two whole afternoons.

There's a better Mergenthaler in New York; Paige, Davis, and I checked it out for two entire afternoons.

                         With the love of us all,
                                                  MARK.
With all our love,  
                                                  MARK.
     Arnot wrote Clemens urging him to accept the check for five thousand
     dollars in this moment of need.  Clemens was probably as sorely
     tempted to compromise with his conscience as he had ever been in his
     life, but his resolution field firm.
     Arnot wrote to Clemens, urging him to accept the check for five thousand dollars in this time of need. Clemens was likely as strongly tempted to compromise his principles as he had ever been in his life, but his resolve stayed firm.










To M. H. Arnot, in Elmira, N. Y.:

To M. H. Arnot, in Elmira, NY:

MR. M. H. ARNOT

Mr. M.H. Arnot

DEAR SIR,—No—no, I could not think of taking it, with you unsatisfied; and you ought not to be satisfied until you have made personal examination of the machine and had a consensus of testimony of disinterested people, besides. My own perfect knowledge of what is required of such a machine, and my perfect knowledge of the fact that this is the only machine that can meet that requirement, make it difficult for me to realize that a doubt is possible to less well-posted men; and so I would have taken your money without thinking, and thus would have done a great wrong to you and a great one to myself. And now that I go back over the ground, I remember that where I said I could get along 3 months without drawing on you, that delay contemplated a visit from you to the machine in the interval, and your satisfaction with its character and prospects. I had forgotten all that. But I remember it now; and the fact that it was not “so nominated in the bond” does not alter the case or justify me in making my call so prematurely. I do not know that you regarded all that as a part of the bargain—for you were thoroughly and magnanimously unexacting—but I so regarded it, notwithstanding I have so easily managed to forget all about it.

DEAR SIR,—No—no, I can’t even think about taking it while you’re still unsure; and you shouldn’t be satisfied until you’ve personally checked out the machine and heard opinions from unbiased people as well. My complete understanding of what’s needed from a machine, and my complete knowledge that this is the only machine that can meet that need, makes it hard for me to believe that anyone less informed could have doubts. Because of that, I would have taken your money without a second thought, which would have been a huge mistake for both of us. As I reflect back, I remember that when I mentioned I could manage three months without asking you for anything, that was with the expectation that you would visit the machine during that time, and that you’d be satisfied with its performance and potential. I had forgotten all that. But it’s clear to me now; and the fact that it wasn’t “so named in the bond” doesn’t change the situation or justify my premature request. I don’t know if you considered all that as part of the deal—since you were completely understanding and generous—but I did, even though I’ve easily managed to forget it.

You so gratified me, and did me so much honor in bonding yourself to me in a large sum, upon no evidence but my word and with no protection but my honor, that my pride in that is much stronger than my desire to reap a money advantage from it.

You made me really happy and honored me by committing to a large amount based only on my word and my honor as the only guarantee, so my pride in that means a lot more to me than my desire to gain any financial benefit from it.

With the sincerest appreciation I am Truly yours

With heartfelt gratitude, I am sincerely yours

                                             S L. CLEMENS.
Mark Twain.

P. S. I have written a good many words and yet I seem to have failed to say the main thing in exact enough language—which is, that the transaction between us is not complete and binding until you shall have convinced yourself that the machine's character and prospects are satisfactory.

P. S. I've written quite a bit and still feel like I haven't clearly expressed the main point, which is that our agreement isn't final and binding until you are convinced that the machine's qualities and potential are satisfactory.

I ought to explain that the grippe delayed us some weeks, and that we have since been waiting for Mr. Jones. When he was ready, we were not; and now we have been ready more than a month, while he has been kept in Washington by the Silver bill. He said the other day that to venture out of the Capitol for a day at this time could easily chance to hurt him if the bill came up for action, meantime, although it couldn't hurt the bill, which would pass anyway. Mrs. Jones said she would send me two or three days' notice, right after the passage of the bill, and that they would follow as soon as I should return word that their coming would not inconvenience us. I suppose I ought to go to New York without waiting for Mr. Jones, but it would not be wise to go there without money.

I should mention that the flu held us up for a few weeks, and since then, we've been waiting for Mr. Jones. When he was ready, we weren't, and now we've been ready for over a month while he’s been stuck in Washington because of the Silver bill. He mentioned the other day that stepping out of the Capitol for a day right now could really hurt him if the bill came up for a vote, even though it wouldn't hurt the bill, which is bound to pass anyway. Mrs. Jones said she’d give me two or three days' notice right after the bill passes, and that they would come as soon as I let them know that their visit wouldn’t be a problem for us. I guess I should go to New York without waiting for Mr. Jones, but going there without money wouldn’t be smart.

The bill is still pending.

The bill is still pending.

     The Mergenthaler machine, like the Paige, was also at this time in
     the middle stages of experimental development.  It was a slower
     machine, but it was simpler, less expensive, occupied less room.
     There was not so much about it to get out of order; it was not so
     delicate, not so human.  These were immense advantages.

     But no one at this time could say with certainty which typesetter
     would reap the harvest of millions.  It was only sure that at least
     one of them would, and the Mergenthaler people were willing to trade
     stock for stock with the Paige company in order to insure financial
     success for both, whichever won.  Clemens, with a faith that never
     faltered, declined this offer, a decision that was to cost him
     millions.

     Winter and spring had gone and summer had come, but still there had
     been no financial conclusion with Jones, Mackay, and the other rich
     Californians who were to put up the necessary million for the
     machine's manufacture.  Goodman was spending a large part of his
     time traveling back and forth between California and Washington,
     trying to keep business going at both ends.  Paige spent most of his
     time working out improvements for the type-setter, delicate
     attachments which complicated its construction more and more.
     The Mergenthaler machine, like the Paige, was at this point still in the middle stages of experimental development. It was slower, but also simpler, cheaper, and took up less space. There was less that could go wrong with it; it was not as fragile or reliant on human operation. These were huge advantages.

     However, at that time, no one could say for sure which typesetter would make millions. What was certain was that at least one of them would, and the Mergenthaler team was ready to swap stock with the Paige company to ensure financial success for both, no matter who came out on top. Clemens, with unwavering faith, turned down this offer, a decision that would end up costing him millions.

     Winter and spring passed, and summer arrived, but there was still no financial agreement with Jones, Mackay, and the other wealthy Californians who were supposed to provide the million necessary to manufacture the machine. Goodman was spending a large part of his time shuttling between California and Washington, trying to keep business flowing at both locations. Paige focused most of his efforts on developing enhancements for the typesetter, intricate attachments that made its construction increasingly complicated.










To Joe T. Goodman, in Washington:

To Joe T. Goodman, in Washington:

                                             HARTFORD, June 22, '90.
HARTFORD, June 22, 1990.

DEAR JOE,—I have been sitting by the machine 2 hours, this afternoon, and my admiration of it towers higher than ever. There is no sort of mistake about it, it is the Big Bonanza. In the 2 hours, the time lost by type-breakage was 3 minutes.

DEAR JOE,—I've been sitting by the machine for 2 hours this afternoon, and my admiration for it keeps growing. There’s no doubt about it, it’s the Big Bonanza. In the 2 hours, the time lost due to type-breakage was 3 minutes.

This machine is totally without a rival. Rivalry with it is impossible. Last Friday, Fred Whitmore (it was the 28th day of his apprenticeship on the machine) stacked up 49,700 ems of solid nonpareil in 8 hours, and the type-breaking delay was only 6 minutes for the day.

This machine has no competition. Competing with it isn’t even an option. Last Friday, Fred Whitmore (it was the 28th day of his apprenticeship on the machine) produced 49,700 ems of solid nonpareil in 8 hours, with just a 6-minute type-breaking delay for the entire day.

I claim yet, as I have always claimed, that the machine's market (abroad and here together,) is today worth $150,000,000 without saying anything about the doubling and trebling of this sum that will follow within the life of the patents. Now here is a queer fact: I am one of the wealthiest grandees in America—one of the Vanderbilt gang, in fact—and yet if you asked me to lend you a couple of dollars I should have to ask you to take my note instead.

I still maintain, as I always have, that the market for the machine (both internationally and domestically) is currently worth $150 million, not to mention the doubling and tripling of that amount that will happen during the life of the patents. Now, here’s an interesting fact: I’m one of the wealthiest people in America—part of the Vanderbilt group, in fact—and yet if you asked me to lend you a couple of dollars, I would have to ask you to accept my promissory note instead.

It makes me cheerful to sit by the machine: come up with Mrs. Goodman and refresh yourself with a draught of the same.

It makes me happy to sit by the machine: come over, Mrs. Goodman, and help yourself to a drink of the same.

                                        Ys ever
                                                  MARK.
Ys forever  
                                                  MARK.
     The machine was still breaking the types now and then, and no doubt
     Paige was itching to take it to pieces, and only restrained by force
     from doing so.  He was never thoroughly happy unless he was taking
     the machine apart or setting it up again.  Finally, he was allowed
     to go at it—a disasterous permission, for it was just then that
     Jones decided to steal a day or two from the Silver Bill and watch
     the type-setter in operation.  Paige already had it in parts when
     this word came from Goodman, and Jones's visit had to be called off.
     His enthusiasm would seem to have weakened from that day.  In July,
     Goodman wrote that both Mackay and Jones had become somewhat
     diffident in the matter of huge capitalization.  He thought it
     partly due, at least, to “the fatal delays that have sicklied over
     the bloom of original enthusiasm.”  Clemens himself went down to
     Washington and perhaps warmed Jones with his eloquence; at least,
     Jones seemed to have agreed to make some effort in the matter a
     qualified promise, the careful word of a wary politician and
     capitalist.  How many Washington trips were made is not certain, but
     certainly more than one.  Jones would seem to have suggested forms
     of contracts, but if he came to the point of signing any there is no
     evidence of it to-day.

     Any one who has read Mark Twain's, “A Connecticut Yankee in King
     Arthur's Court,” has a pretty good idea of his opinion of kings in
     general, and tyrants in particular.  Rule by “divine right,” however
     liberal, was distasteful to him; where it meant oppression it
     stirred him to violence.  In his article, “The Czar's Soliloquy,” he
     gave himself loose rein concerning atrocities charged to the master
     of Russia, and in a letter which he wrote during the summer of 1890,
     he offered a hint as to remedies.  The letter was written by
     editorial request, but was never mailed.  Perhaps it seemed too
     openly revolutionary at the moment.

     Yet scarcely more than a quarter of a century was needed to make it
     “timely.”  Clemens and his family were spending some weeks in the
     Catskills when it was written.
     The machine kept breaking types every now and then, and it was clear
     Paige was eager to take it apart, held back only by sheer force 
     from doing so. He was never truly happy unless he was disassembling 
     the machine or putting it back together. Finally, he was allowed 
     to go for it—a disastrous permission, because that’s when 
     Jones decided to take a day or two off from the Silver Bill to 
     watch the type-setter in action. Paige had already taken it apart 
     when this news came from Goodman, and Jones's visit had to be 
     canceled. His enthusiasm seemed to fade from that day onward. 
     In July, Goodman wrote that both Mackay and Jones had become 
     somewhat hesitant about massive fundraising. He believed it was 
     partly due, at least, to “the fatal delays that have sicklied over 
     the bloom of original enthusiasm.” Clemens himself went to 
     Washington and perhaps inspired Jones with his persuasive words; 
     at least, Jones appeared to have agreed to put in some effort, 
     a qualified promise typical of a cautious politician and 
     investor. It's unclear how many trips to Washington were made, 
     but certainly more than one. Jones seemed to have suggested 
     contract forms, but if he actually got to signing any, there’s 
     no evidence of that today.

     Anyone who has read Mark Twain's “A Connecticut Yankee in King 
     Arthur's Court” has a pretty solid idea of his views on kings in 
     general, and tyrants in particular. Rule by “divine right,” no 
     matter how liberal, didn't sit well with him; where it led to 
     oppression, it fueled his anger. In his piece “The Czar's Soliloquy,” 
     he freely expressed his thoughts about the atrocities attributed to 
     the ruler of Russia, and in a letter he wrote during the summer of 
     1890, he offered some possible solutions. This letter was written 
     at the request of an editor but was never sent. Maybe it felt too 
     openly revolutionary at the time.

     Yet it only took a little over twenty-five years for it to become 
     “timely.” Clemens and his family were spending a few weeks in the 
     Catskills when it was written.










An unpublished letter on the Czar.

An unpublished letter about the Czar.

                                                  ONTEORA, 1890.
ONTEORA, 1890.

TO THE EDITOR OF FREE RUSSIA,—I thank you for the compliment of your invitation to say something, but when I ponder the bottom paragraph on your first page, and then study your statement on your third page, of the objects of the several Russian liberation-parties, I do not quite know how to proceed. Let me quote here the paragraph referred to:

TO THE EDITOR OF FREE RUSSIA,—I appreciate your kind invitation for me to share my thoughts, but after reflecting on the last paragraph of your first page and reviewing your statement on the third page regarding the goals of the various Russian liberation parties, I'm not entirely sure how to move forward. Allow me to quote the paragraph in question:

“But men's hearts are so made that the sight of one voluntary victim for a noble idea stirs them more deeply than the sight of a crowd submitting to a dire fate they cannot escape. Besides, foreigners could not see so clearly as the Russians how much the Government was responsible for the grinding poverty of the masses; nor could they very well realize the moral wretchedness imposed by that Government upon the whole of educated Russia. But the atrocities committed upon the defenceless prisoners are there in all their baseness, concrete and palpable, admitting of no excuse, no doubt or hesitation, crying out to the heart of humanity against Russian tyranny. And the Tzar's Government, stupidly confident in its apparently unassailable position, instead of taking warning from the first rebukes, seems to mock this humanitarian age by the aggravation of brutalities. Not satisfied with slowly killing its prisoners, and with burying the flower of our young generation in the Siberian desserts, the Government of Alexander III. resolved to break their spirit by deliberately submitting them to a regime of unheard-of brutality and degradation.”

“But people's hearts are made in such a way that seeing one person willingly sacrifice themselves for a noble cause moves them more than witnessing a crowd helplessly accepting a terrible fate. Moreover, foreigners might not understand as clearly as the Russians how much the Government is to blame for the crushing poverty of the masses; nor can they fully grasp the moral degradation that Government imposes on all of educated Russia. However, the horrors inflicted on defenseless prisoners are evident in all their cruelty, undeniable and outright, pleading to the conscience of humanity against Russian oppression. The Tzar's Government, foolishly self-assured in its seemingly secure position, instead of heeding the initial warnings, appears to mock this humanitarian era by escalating its brutalities. Not content with slowly destroying its prisoners and burying the best of our young generation in the Siberian wastelands, the Government of Alexander III decided to break their spirits by subjecting them to a regime of unprecedented brutality and humiliation.”

When one reads that paragraph in the glare of George Kennan's revelations, and considers how much it means; considers that all earthly figures fail to typify the Czar's government, and that one must descend into hell to find its counterpart, one turns hopefully to your statement of the objects of the several liberation-parties—and is disappointed. Apparently none of them can bear to think of losing the present hell entirely, they merely want the temperature cooled down a little.

When you read that paragraph in light of George Kennan's revelations and think about what it really means; consider that no earthly representations can capture the Czar's government, and that you have to go to hell to find something similar, you might feel hopeful about your explanation of the goals of the different liberation parties—but then you feel let down. It seems that none of them are ready to completely escape the current hell; they just want the heat turned down a bit.

I now perceive why all men are the deadly and uncompromising enemies of the rattlesnake: it is merely because the rattlesnake has not speech. Monarchy has speech, and by it has been able to persuade men that it differs somehow from the rattlesnake, has something valuable about it somewhere, something worth preserving, something even good and high and fine, when properly “modified,” something entitling it to protection from the club of the first comer who catches it out of its hole. It seems a most strange delusion and not reconcilable with our superstition that man is a reasoning being. If a house is afire, we reason confidently that it is the first comer's plain duty to put the fire out in any way he can—drown it with water, blow it up with dynamite, use any and all means to stop the spread of the fire and save the rest of the city. What is the Czar of Russia but a house afire in the midst of a city of eighty millions of inhabitants? Yet instead of extinguishing him, together with his nest and system, the liberation-parties are all anxious to merely cool him down a little and keep him.

I now understand why all men are fierce and unyielding enemies of the rattlesnake: it’s simply because the rattlesnake can’t speak. Monarchy has a voice, and because of it, it has managed to convince people that it’s somehow different from the rattlesnake, that it holds some value, something worth protecting, something even good and noble when “modified” properly, something deserving of protection from anyone who might confront it. It seems like a strange delusion that doesn’t fit with our belief that humans are rational beings. If a house is burning down, we confidently reason that it's the responsibility of the nearest person to extinguish the flames by any means necessary—pouring water on it, blowing it up with dynamite, using any and all methods to stop the fire and protect the city. What is the Czar of Russia but a burning house in the midst of a city of eighty million people? Yet instead of putting him out, the liberation groups all just want to cool him down a bit and keep him around.

It seems to me that this is illogical—idiotic, in fact. Suppose you had this granite-hearted, bloody-jawed maniac of Russia loose in your house, chasing the helpless women and little children—your own. What would you do with him, supposing you had a shotgun? Well, he is loose in your house-Russia. And with your shotgun in your hand, you stand trying to think up ways to “modify” him.

It seems to me that this doesn’t make sense—it's ridiculous, actually. Imagine you had this cold-hearted, violent maniac from Russia running around in your home, terrorizing the vulnerable women and children—your own family. What would you do if you had a shotgun? Well, he’s loose in your house—Russia. And with your shotgun in your hand, you’re just standing there trying to figure out how to “change” him.

Do these liberation-parties think that they can succeed in a project which has been attempted a million times in the history of the world and has never in one single instance been successful—the “modification” of a despotism by other means than bloodshed? They seem to think they can. My privilege to write these sanguinary sentences in soft security was bought for me by rivers of blood poured upon many fields, in many lands, but I possess not one single little paltry right or privilege that come to me as a result of petition, persuasion, agitation for reform, or any kindred method of procedure. When we consider that not even the most responsible English monarch ever yielded back a stolen public right until it was wrenched from them by bloody violence, is it rational to suppose that gentler methods can win privileges in Russia?

Do these liberation parties really believe they can succeed in a project that has been attempted countless times throughout history and has never, even once, achieved success—the “modification” of a dictatorship without resorting to violence? They seem to think they can. My right to write these brutal words in relative safety was paid for with rivers of blood shed on many battlefields in various countries, but I don't have a single meager right or privilege that came from asking, persuading, or pushing for reform, or any similar approach. When we consider that not even the most responsible English monarch has ever returned a usurped public right without it being forcibly taken back through violent means, is it realistic to think that gentler methods can win rights in Russia?

Of course I know that the properest way to demolish the Russian throne would be by revolution. But it is not possible to get up a revolution there; so the only thing left to do, apparently, is to keep the throne vacant by dynamite until a day when candidates shall decline with thanks. Then organize the Republic. And on the whole this method has some large advantages; for whereas a revolution destroys some lives which cannot well be spared, the dynamite way doesn't. Consider this: the conspirators against the Czar's life are caught in every rank of life, from the low to the high. And consider: if so many take an active part, where the peril is so dire, is this not evidence that the sympathizers who keep still and do not show their hands, are countless for multitudes? Can you break the hearts of thousands of families with the awful Siberian exodus every year for generations and not eventually cover all Russia from limit to limit with bereaved fathers and mothers and brothers and sisters who secretly hate the perpetrator of this prodigious crime and hunger and thirst for his life? Do you not believe that if your wife or your child or your father was exiled to the mines of Siberia for some trivial utterances wrung from a smarting spirit by the Czar's intolerable tyranny, and you got a chance to kill him and did not do it, that you would always be ashamed to be in your own society the rest of your life? Suppose that that refined and lovely Russian lady who was lately stripped bare before a brutal soldiery and whipped to death by the Czar's hand in the person of the Czar's creature had been your wife, or your daughter or your sister, and to-day the Czar should pass within reach of your hand, how would you feel—and what would you do? Consider, that all over vast Russia, from boundary to boundary, a myriad of eyes filled with tears when that piteous news came, and through those tears that myriad of eyes saw, not that poor lady, but lost darlings of their own whose fate her fate brought back with new access of grief out of a black and bitter past never to be forgotten or forgiven.

Of course I know that the best way to take down the Russian throne would be through a revolution. But it's impossible to start a revolution there; so the only option left seems to be to keep the throne empty with dynamite until candidates respectfully decline. Then, we can set up the Republic. Overall, this method has some significant advantages; because while a revolution takes lives that are hard to replace, the dynamite approach doesn’t. Think about this: the conspirators against the Czar’s life come from every class, from the poor to the rich. And think about this: if so many are willing to act when the danger is so great, isn't that proof that there are countless sympathizers who remain silent and don’t reveal their intentions? Can you break the hearts of thousands of families with the terrible Siberian exile every year for generations and not eventually blanket all of Russia with grieving fathers, mothers, brothers, and sisters who secretly despise the one responsible for this massive crime and long for his death? Don’t you think that if your wife, child, or father were sent to the Siberian mines for some trivial comments made in frustration due to the Czar’s unbearable tyranny, and you had the chance to kill him but didn’t, you’d feel ashamed to show your face in society for the rest of your life? Imagine that refined and beautiful Russian woman who was recently stripped naked before brutal soldiers and whipped to death by the Czar’s orders; what if she had been your wife, daughter, or sister, and today the Czar was within your grasp—how would you feel, and what would you do? Remember that across vast Russia, from one end to the other, countless people wept when that heartbreaking news broke, and through their tears, they didn’t just see that poor woman, but they thought of their own lost loved ones, whose fates echoed her tragedy, bringing fresh waves of sorrow from a dark and painful past that can never be forgotten or forgiven.

If I am a Swinburnian—and clear to the marrow I am—I hold human nature in sufficient honor to believe there are eighty million mute Russians that are of the same stripe, and only one Russian family that isn't.

If I am a Swinburnian—and I definitely am—I have enough respect for human nature to think that there are eighty million silent Russians who are just like me, and only one Russian family that isn’t.

                                             MARK TWAIN.
Mark Twain.
     Type-setter matters were going badly.  Clemens still had faith in
     Jones, and he had lost no grain of faith in the machine.  The money
     situation, however, was troublesome.  With an expensive
     establishment, and work of one sort or another still to be done on
     the machine, his income would not reach.  Perhaps Goodman had
     already given up hope, for he does not seem to have returned from
     California after the next letter was written—a colorless letter
     —in which we feel a note of resignation.  The last few lines are
     sufficient.
     Things were going badly for the typesetter. Clemens still believed in Jones, and he hadn’t lost any trust in the machine. However, the money situation was concerning. With an expensive setup and more work needed on the machine, his income wasn’t enough. Maybe Goodman had already lost hope, as he doesn’t seem to have come back from California after the next letter was written—a bland letter—in which there’s a hint of resignation. The last few lines say it all.










To Joe T. Goodman, in California:

To Joe T. Goodman, in California:

DEAR JOE,—...... I wish you could get a day off and make those two or three Californians buy those privileges, for I'm going to need money before long.

DEAR JOE,—...... I wish you could take a day off and have those two or three Californians buy those rights, because I'm going to need money soon.

I don't know where the Senator is; but out on the Coast I reckon.

I don't know where the Senator is; but I guess he's out on the Coast.

I guess we've got a perfect machine at last. We never break a type, now, and the new device for enabling the operator to touch the last letters and justify the line simultaneously works, to a charm.

I think we finally have a perfect machine. We don’t break a type anymore, and the new feature that lets the operator touch the last letters and justify the line at the same time works like a charm.

                         With love to you both,
                                                  MARK
                         With love to you both,
                                                  MARK
     The year closed gloomily enough.  The type-setter seemed to be
     perfected, but capital for its manufacture was not forthcoming.
     The publishing business of Charles L. Webster & Co. was returning
     little or no profit.  Clemens's mother had died in Keokuk at the end
     of October, and his wife's mother, in Elmira a month later.  Mark
     Twain, writing a short business letter to his publishing manager,
     Fred J. Ball, closed it: “Merry Xmas to you!—and I wish to God I
     could have one myself before I die.”
 
     The year ended on a pretty dreary note. The typesetter seemed to be ready for use, but the funding to make it wasn’t coming through. The publishing business of Charles L. Webster & Co. was barely making any money. Clemens's mother passed away in Keokuk at the end of October, and his wife's mother died in Elmira a month later. Mark Twain, in a brief business letter to his publishing manager, Fred J. Ball, signed off with, “Merry Xmas to you!—and I wish to God I could have one myself before I die.”




XXXI. LETTERS, 1891, TO HOWELLS, MRS. CLEMENS AND OTHERS. RETURN TO LITERATURE. AMERICAN CLAIMANT. LEAVING HARTFORD. EUROPE. DOWN THE RHINE.

     Clemens was still not without hope in the machine, at the
     beginning of the new year (1891) but it was a hope no longer
     active, and it presently became a moribund.  Jones, on about
     the middle of February, backed out altogether, laying the
     blame chiefly on Mackay and the others, who, he said, had
     decided not to invest.  Jones “let his victim down easy”
      with friendly words, but it was the end, for the present, at
     least, of machine financiering.

     It was also the end of Mark Twain's capital.  His publishing
     business was not good.  It was already in debt and needing
     more money.  There was just one thing for him to do and he
     did it at once, not stopping to cry over spilt milk, but
     with good courage and the old enthusiasm that never failed
     him, he returned to the trade of authorship.  He dug out
     half-finished articles and stories, finished them and sold
     them, and within a week after the Jones collapse he was at
     work on a novel based an the old Sellers idea, which eight
     years before he and Howells had worked into a play.  The
     brief letter in which he reported this news to Howells bears
     no marks of depression, though the writer of it was in his
     fifty-sixth year; he was by no means well, and his financial
     prospects were anything but golden.
     Clemens still held on to some hope for the machine at the start of the new year (1891), but it was a hope that was no longer active and quickly became lifeless. By mid-February, Jones completely pulled out, blaming Mackay and the others, who he said had decided not to invest. Jones “let his victim down easy” with friendly words, but it marked the end of machine financing, at least for now.

     It also meant the end of Mark Twain's funds. His publishing business wasn't doing well; it was already in debt and needed more cash. He had no choice but to jump back into writing. He dug up half-finished articles and stories, completed them, and sold them. Within a week of the Jones collapse, he started working on a novel based on the old Sellers idea, which he and Howells had turned into a play eight years earlier. The short letter in which he shared this news with Howells showed no signs of sadness, even though he was fifty-six years old, not in great health, and facing bleak financial prospects.










To W. D. Howells, in Boston:

To W. D. Howells, in Boston:

                                             HARTFORD, Feb. 24, '91
HARTFORD, Feb. 24, 1991

DEAR HOWELLS,—Mrs. Clemens has been sick abed for near two weeks, but is up and around the room now, and gaining. I don't know whether she has written Mrs. Howells or not—I only know she was going to—and will yet, if she hasn't. We are promising ourselves a whole world of pleasure in the visit, and you mustn't dream of disappointing us.

DEAR HOWELLS,—Mrs. Clemens has been sick in bed for almost two weeks, but she’s up and moving around the room now, and getting better. I’m not sure if she’s written to Mrs. Howells yet—I just know she intended to—and she will if she hasn’t already. We’re really looking forward to the visit, and you can't let us down.

Does this item stir an interest in you? Began a novel four days ago, and this moment finished chapter four. Title of the book:

Does this item interest you? I started a novel four days ago, and I just finished chapter four. The title of the book:

                       “Colonel Mulberry Sellers.
                           American Claimant
                                 Of the
                       Great Earldom of Rossmore'
                                 in the
                       Peerage of Great Britain.”

                                        Ys Ever
                                                  MARK.
                       “Colonel Mulberry Sellers.
                           American Claimant
                                 Of the
                       Great Earldom of Rossmore'
                                 in the
                       Peerage of Great Britain.”

                                        Ys Ever
                                                  MARK.

Probably Mark Twain did not return to literary work reluctantly. He had always enjoyed writing and felt now that he was equipped better than ever for authorship, at least so far as material was concerned. There exists a fragmentary copy of a letter to some unknown correspondent, in which he recites his qualifications. It bears evidence of having been written just at this time and is of unusual interest at this point.

Probably Mark Twain did not go back to writing reluctantly. He had always loved writing and felt more prepared than ever for authorship, at least in terms of material. There’s a partial copy of a letter to an unknown recipient, in which he lists his qualifications. It seems to have been written around this time and is particularly interesting in this context.










Fragment of Letter to ———-, 1891:

Fragment of Letter to ———-, 1891:

.... I confine myself to life with which I am familiar when pretending to portray life. But I confined myself to the boy-life out on the Mississippi because that had a peculiar charm for me, and not because I was not familiar with other phases of life. I was a soldier two weeks once in the beginning of the war, and was hunted like a rat the whole time. Familiar? My splendid Kipling himself hasn't a more burnt-in, hard-baked, and unforgetable familiarity with that death-on-the-pale-horse-with-hell-following-after, which is a raw soldier's first fortnight in the field—and which, without any doubt, is the most tremendous fortnight and the vividest he is ever going to see.

.... I stick to the life that I know when I try to depict life. But I focused on the boy's life on the Mississippi because it had a unique charm for me, not because I was unaware of other aspects of life. I was a soldier for two weeks at the start of the war, and I was hunted like a rat the entire time. Familiar? My wonderful Kipling himself doesn't have a more intense, ingrained, and unforgettable familiarity with that death-on-the-pale-horse-with-hell-following-after, which is what a raw soldier experiences in his first two weeks in the field—and without a doubt, that’s the most intense two weeks and the liveliest he will ever see.

Yes, and I have shoveled silver tailings in a quartz-mill a couple of weeks, and acquired the last possibilities of culture in that direction. And I've done “pocket-mining” during three months in the one little patch of ground in the whole globe where Nature conceals gold in pockets—or did before we robbed all of those pockets and exhausted, obliterated, annihilated the most curious freak Nature ever indulged in. There are not thirty men left alive who, being told there was a pocket hidden on the broad slope of a mountain, would know how to go and find it, or have even the faintest idea of how to set about it; but I am one of the possible 20 or 30 who possess the secret, and I could go and put my hand on that hidden treasure with a most deadly precision.

Yes, I’ve shoveled silver tailings in a quartz mill for a couple of weeks and picked up the last bits of knowledge in that area. I’ve also done “pocket-mining” for three months in the one tiny spot on the planet where nature hides gold in pockets—or did before we took all of those pockets and completely wiped out the most fascinating quirk nature ever created. There aren’t even thirty men left alive who, if told there was a hidden pocket on the broad slope of a mountain, would know how to find it or have any idea how to start; but I’m one of the 20 or 30 people who know the secret, and I could go and pinpoint that hidden treasure with deadly accuracy.

And I've been a prospector, and know pay rock from poor when I find it—just with a touch of the tongue. And I've been a silver miner and know how to dig and shovel and drill and put in a blast. And so I know the mines and the miners interiorly as well as Bret Harte knows them exteriorly.

And I've been a prospector, and I can tell good rock from bad just by tasting it. I've also been a silver miner, so I know how to dig, shovel, drill, and set off blasts. I understand the mines and the miners inside and out just like Bret Harte knows them from the outside.

And I was a newspaper reporter four years in cities, and so saw the inside of many things; and was reporter in a legislature two sessions and the same in Congress one session, and thus learned to know personally three sample bodies of the smallest minds and the selfishest souls and the cowardliest hearts that God makes.

And I spent four years as a newspaper reporter in various cities, which gave me insight into many things. I reported in a legislature for two sessions and did the same in Congress for one session, which helped me personally know three examples of the smallest minds, the most selfish souls, and the most cowardly hearts that God creates.

And I was some years a Mississippi pilot, and familiarly knew all the different kinds of steam-boatmen—a race apart, and not like other folk.

And I was a Mississippi pilot for several years, and I got to know all the different types of steamboatmen well— a unique group, unlike anyone else.

And I was for some years a traveling “jour” printer, and wandered from city to city—and so I know that sect familiarly.

And for several years, I was a traveling "jour" printer, moving from city to city—and that's how I got to know that group well.

And I was a lecturer on the public platform a number of seasons and was a responder to toasts at all the different kinds of banquets—and so I know a great many secrets about audiences—secrets not to be got out of books, but only acquirable by experience.

And I was a speaker on public platforms for several seasons and often responded to toasts at all kinds of banquets—so I know a lot of secrets about audiences—secrets you can't find in books, but only learned through experience.

And I watched over one dear project of mine for years, spent a fortune on it, and failed to make it go—and the history of that would make a large book in which a million men would see themselves as in a mirror; and they would testify and say, Verily, this is not imagination; this fellow has been there—and after would cast dust upon their heads, cursing and blaspheming.

And I kept an eye on one project of mine for years, spent a ton of money on it, and couldn't get it to work—and the story of that could fill a huge book where countless people would recognize themselves; they would swear and say, Truly, this isn't just a fantasy; this guy has been through it—and then would throw dust on their heads, cursing and swearing.

And I am a publisher, and did pay to one author's widow (General Grant's) the largest copyright checks this world has seen—aggregating more than L80,000 in the first year.

And I am a publisher, and I paid one author's widow (General Grant's) the largest copyright checks this world has ever seen—totaling more than £80,000 in the first year.

And I have been an author for 20 years and an ass for 55.

And I’ve been a writer for 20 years and a fool for 55.

Now then; as the most valuable capital or culture or education usable in the building of novels is personal experience I ought to be well equipped for that trade.

Now then; since personal experience is the most valuable asset for writing novels, I should be well-prepared for that job.

I surely have the equipment, a wide culture, and all of it real, none of it artificial, for I don't know anything about books.

I definitely have the skills, a broad knowledge, and all of it genuine, none of it fake, because I don’t know anything about books.

                             [No signature.]
[No signature.]
     Clemens for several years had been bothered by rheumatism in his
     shoulder.  The return now to the steady use of the pen aggravated
     his trouble, and at times he was nearly disabled.  The phonograph
     for commercial dictation had been tried experimentally, and Mark
     Twain was always ready for any innovation.
     Clemens had been dealing with shoulder pain from rheumatism for several years. The regular use of the pen now made his condition worse, and at times he was almost unable to work. They had tried using a phonograph for commercial dictation on a trial basis, and Mark Twain was always open to new ideas.










To W. D. Howells, in Boston:

To W. D. Howells, in Boston:

                                        HARTFORD, Feb.  28, '91.
HARTFORD, Feb. 28, '91.

DEAR HOWELLS,—Won't you drop-in at the Boylston Building (New England Phonograph Co) and talk into a phonograph in an ordinary conversation-voice and see if another person (who didn't hear you do it) can take the words from the thing without difficulty and repeat them to you. If the experiment is satisfactory (also make somebody put in a message which you don't hear, and see if afterward you can get it out without difficulty) won't you then ask them on what terms they will rent me a phonograph for 3 months and furnish me cylinders enough to carry 75,000 words. 175 cylinders, ain't it?

DEAR HOWELLS,—Could you stop by the Boylston Building (New England Phonograph Co) and speak into a phonograph in a regular conversation tone? I’d like to know if someone else (who didn’t hear you) can easily take the words from it and repeat them back to you. If the experiment works well (also have someone add a message that you don’t hear, and check if you can retrieve it easily afterward), could you then ask them what the terms would be for renting a phonograph for three months and supplying enough cylinders for 75,000 words? That would be 175 cylinders, right?

I don't want to erase any of them. My right arm is nearly disabled by rheumatism, but I am bound to write this book (and sell 100,000 copies of it—no, I mean a million—next fall) I feel sure I can dictate the book into a phonograph if I don't have to yell. I write 2,000 words a day; I think I can dictate twice as many.

I don't want to get rid of any of them. My right arm is almost unusable because of rheumatism, but I'm determined to write this book (and sell 100,000 copies of it—no, I actually mean a million—next fall). I'm confident I can dictate the book into a recording device as long as I don’t have to shout. I write 2,000 words a day; I believe I can dictate double that.

But mind, if this is going to be too much trouble to you—go ahead and do it, all the same.

But just remember, if this is going to be too much hassle for you—go ahead and do it anyway.

                                   Ys ever
                                             MARK.
Ys forever  
                                             MARK.
     Howells, always willing to help, visited the phonograph place, and a
     few days later reported results.  He wrote: “I talked your letter
     into a fonograf in my usual tone at my usual gait of speech.  Then
     the fonograf man talked his answer in at his wonted swing and swell.
     Then we took the cylinder to a type-writer in the next room, and she
     put the hooks into her ears and wrote the whole out.  I send you the
     result.  There is a mistake of one word.  I think that if you have
     the cheek to dictate the story into the fonograf, all the rest is
     perfectly easy.  It wouldn't fatigue me to talk for an hour as I
     did.”

     Clemens did not find the phonograph entirely satisfactory, at least
     not for a time, and he appears never to have used it steadily.  His
     early experience with it, however, seems interesting.
Howells, always eager to help, visited the phonograph place, and a few days later shared his findings. He wrote: “I recorded your letter into a phonograph in my usual tone and pace. Then the phonograph guy responded in his typical style. After that, we took the cylinder to a typewriter in the next room, and she put on her headphones and transcribed everything. I'm sending you the result. There's one word wrong. I think if you have the guts to dictate the story into the phonograph, the rest will be really easy. I wouldn't mind talking for an hour like I did.”

Clemens didn’t find the phonograph entirely satisfactory, at least not right away, and he seems to have never used it consistently. However, his early experiences with it are quite intriguing.










To W. D. Howells, in Boston:

To W. D. Howells, in Boston:

                                        HARTFORD, Apl. 4, '91.
HARTFORD, Apr. 4, '91.

DEAR HOWELLS,—I'm ashamed. It happened in this way. I was proposing to acknowledge the receipt of the play and the little book per phonograph, so that you could see that the instrument is good enough for mere letter-writing; then I meant to add the fact that you can't write literature with it, because it hasn't any ideas and it hasn't any gift for elaboration, or smartness of talk, or vigor of action, or felicity of expression, but is just matter-of-fact, compressive, unornamental, and as grave and unsmiling as the devil.

DEAR HOWELLS,—I'm embarrassed. It happened like this. I was planning to acknowledge the receipt of the play and the little book via phonograph, so you could see that the device is good enough for simple letter-writing; then I intended to add that you can't create literature with it because it lacks ideas, creativity, cleverness in conversation, energy, or elegance in expression, but is just straightforward, direct, unadorned, and as serious and unsmiling as the devil.

I filled four dozen cylinders in two sittings, then found I could have said about as much with the pen and said it a deal better. Then I resigned.

I filled four dozen cylinders in two sessions, then realized I could have said the same thing with a pen and done it a lot better. So, I quit.

I believe it could teach one to dictate literature to a phonographer—and some time I will experiment in that line.

I think it could teach someone how to dictate writing to a shorthand typist—and sometime, I’ll give that a try.

The little book is charmingly written, and it interested me. But it flies too high for me. Its concretest things are filmy abstractions to me, and when I lay my grip on one of them and open my hand, I feel as embarrassed as I use to feel when I thought I had caught a fly. I'm going to try to mail it back to you to-day—I mean I am going to charge my memory. Charging my memory is one of my chief industries....

The little book is wonderfully written, and it caught my attention. But it's a bit over my head. The most concrete ideas feel like vague concepts to me, and when I try to grasp one and let it go, I feel just as awkward as I used to when I thought I had caught a fly. I’m going to try to send it back to you today—I mean I’m going to work on my memory. Working on my memory is one of my main activities....

With our loves and our kindest regards distributed among you according to the proprieties.

With all our love and best wishes shared among you as suits the occasion.

                              Yrs ever
                                        MARK.
Your ever  
                                        MARK.

P. S.—I'm sending that ancient “Mental Telegraphy” article to Harper's—with a modest postscript. Probably read it to you years ago.

P. S.—I'm sending that old “Mental Telegraphy” article to Harper's—with a little note at the end. I probably read it to you years ago.

                                        S. L. C.
S.L.C.
     The “little book” mentioned in this letter was by Swedenborg, an
     author in whom the Boston literary set was always deeply interested.
     “Mental Telegraphy” appeared in Harper's Magazine, and is now
     included in the Uniform Edition of Mark Twain's books.  It was
     written in 1878.

     Joe Goodman had long since returned to California, it being clear
     that nothing could be gained by remaining in Washington.  On receipt
     of the news of the type-setter's collapse he sent a consoling word.
     Perhaps he thought Clemens would rage over the unhappy circumstance,
     and possibly hold him in some measure to blame.  But it was
     generally the smaller annoyances of life that made Mark Twain rage;
     the larger catastrophes were likely to stir only his philosophy.

     The Library of American Literature, mentioned in the following
     letter, was a work in many volumes, edited by Edmund Clarence
     Stedman and Ellen Mackay Hutchinson.
     The “little book” mentioned in this letter was by Swedenborg, an author that the Boston literary crowd was always quite interested in. “Mental Telegraphy” was published in Harper's Magazine and is now part of the Uniform Edition of Mark Twain's books. It was written in 1878.

     Joe Goodman had long since returned to California, as it was clear that staying in Washington wasn’t going to benefit him. After hearing about the type-setter's collapse, he sent a comforting message. Maybe he thought Clemens would be upset about the unfortunate situation and possibly blame him to some extent. However, it was usually the smaller annoyances in life that made Mark Twain angry; the bigger disasters tended to provoke only his philosophical reflections.

     The Library of American Literature, mentioned in the next letter, was a multi-volume work edited by Edmund Clarence Stedman and Ellen Mackay Hutchinson.










To Joe T. Goodman:

To Joe T. Goodman:

                                                  April [?] 1891.
April [unknown] 1891.

DEAR JOE, Well, it's all right, anyway. Diplomacy couldn't have saved it—diplomacy of mine—at that late day. I hadn't any diplomacy in stock, anyway. In order to meet Jones's requirements I had to surrender the old contract (a contract which made me boss of the situation and gave me the whip-hand of Paige) and allow the new one to be drafted and put in its place. I was running an immense risk, but it was justified by Jones's promises—promises made to me not merely once but every time I tallied with him. When February arrived, I saw signs which were mighty plain reading. Signs which meant that Paige was hoping and praying that Jones would go back on me—which would leave Paige boss, and me robbed and out in the cold. His prayers were answered, and I am out in the cold. If I ever get back my nine-twentieths interest, it will be by law-suit—which will be instituted in the indefinite future, when the time comes.

DEAR JOE, Well, it's okay, anyway. Diplomacy couldn't have changed anything—my diplomacy—at that point. I didn’t have any diplomacy left, anyway. To meet Jones's demands, I had to give up the old contract (which made me in charge and gave me control over Paige) and let a new one be created and take its place. I was taking a huge risk, but it seemed worth it based on Jones's promises—promises he made to me not just once but every time I spoke with him. When February came, I noticed some very clear signs. Signs that meant Paige was hoping and praying that Jones would back out on me—which would leave Paige in control, and leave me robbed and out in the cold. His prayers were answered, and I’m out in the cold. If I ever get back my nine-twentieths interest, it will be through a lawsuit—which will be filed sometime in the future when the time is right.

I am at work again—on a book. Not with a great deal of spirit, but with enough—yes, plenty. And I am pushing my publishing house. It has turned the corner after cleaning $50,000 a year for three consecutive years, and piling every cent of it into one book—Library of American Literature—and from next January onward it will resume dividends. But I've got to earn $50,000 for it between now and then—which I will do if I keep my health. This additional capital is needed for that same book, because its prosperity is growing so great and exacting.

I’m back at work on a book. Not with a ton of enthusiasm, but enough—yeah, plenty. I’m pushing my publishing house. It’s finally turned a profit after making $50,000 a year for three years in a row, putting every cent into one book—Library of American Literature—and starting next January, it will start paying dividends again. But I need to make $50,000 for it between now and then—which I’ll do if I stay healthy. This extra money is needed for that same book, because its success is getting bigger and more demanding.

It is dreadful to think of you in ill health—I can't realize it; you are always to me the same that you were in those days when matchless health, and glowing spirits and delight in life were commonplaces with us. Lord save us all from old age and broken health and a hope-tree that has lost the faculty of putting out blossoms.

It’s terrible to think of you being unwell—I just can't wrap my head around it; you’re always the same person to me that you were back when we enjoyed perfect health, vibrant spirits, and a love for life. May we all be spared from old age, poor health, and a hope that has stopped blooming.

                    With love to you both from us all.
                                        MARK.
                    With love to both of you from all of us.
                                        MARK.
     Mark Twain's residence in Hartford was drawing rapidly to a close.
     Mrs. Clemens was poorly, and his own health was uncertain.  They
     believed that some of the European baths would help them.
     Furthermore, Mark Twain could no longer afford the luxury of his
     Hartford home.  In Europe life could be simpler and vastly cheaper.
     He was offered a thousand dollars apiece for six European letters,
     by the McClure syndicate and W. M. Laffan, of the Sun.  This would
     at least give him a start on the other side.  The family began
     immediately their sad arrangements for departure.
     Mark Twain's time in Hartford was coming to an end quickly. Mrs. Clemens was unwell, and his own health was uncertain. They thought that some of the European spas would be beneficial for them. Additionally, Mark Twain could no longer afford the luxury of his Hartford home. Life in Europe could be much simpler and significantly cheaper. He was offered a thousand dollars each for six letters from Europe by the McClure syndicate and W. M. Laffan of the Sun. This would at least give him a starting point on the other side. The family immediately began making their sad plans for departure.










To Fred J. Hall (manager Chas. L. Webster & Co.), N. Y.:

To Fred J. Hall (manager of Chas. L. Webster & Co.), New York:

                                   HARTFORD, Apl. 14, '91.
HARTFORD, Apr. 14, '91.

DEAR MR. HALL,—Privately—keep it to yourself—as you, are already aware, we are going to Europe in June, for an indefinite stay. We shall sell the horses and shut up the house. We wish to provide a place for our coachman, who has been with us a 21 years, and is sober, active, diligent, and unusually bright and capable. You spoke of hiring a colored man as engineer and helper in the packing room. Patrick would soon learn that trade and be very valuable. We will cease to need him by the middle or end of June. Have you made irrevocable arrangements with the colored man, or would you prefer to have Patrick, if he thinks he would like to try?

DEAR MR. HALL,—Please keep this to yourself—As you already know, we are going to Europe in June for an indefinite time. We will sell the horses and close up the house. We want to make sure our coachman, who has been with us for 21 years and is responsible, hardworking, diligent, and quite bright and capable, has a place to go. You mentioned hiring a Black man as an engineer and helper in the packing room. Patrick would quickly learn that job and be very useful. We won't need him anymore by the middle or end of June. Have you made permanent arrangements with the Black man, or would you rather have Patrick if he thinks he would like to give it a shot?

I have not said anything to him about it yet.

I haven't mentioned anything to him about it yet.

                                   Yours
                                             S. L. C.
Yours,  
S. L. C.
     It was to be a complete breaking up of their beautiful
     establishment.  Patrick McAleer, George the butler, and others of
     their household help had been like members of the family.  We may
     guess at the heartbreak of it all, even though the letters remain
     cheerful.

     Howells, strangely enough, seems to have been about the last one to
     be told of their European plans; in fact, he first got wind of it
     from the papers, and wrote for information.  Likely enough Clemens
     had not until then had the courage to confess.
     It was going to be a complete breakup of their beautiful home. Patrick McAleer, George the butler, and the other household staff had felt like family. We can imagine the heartbreak of it all, even though the letters still sound cheerful.

     Strangely, Howells appears to have been one of the last to hear about their European plans; in fact, he first found out from the newspapers and wrote to ask for details. It’s likely that Clemens hadn't had the courage to confess until then.










To W. D. Howells, in Boston:

To W. D. Howells, in Boston:

                                        HARTFORD, May 20, '91.
HARTFORD, May 20, 1991.

DEAR HOWELLS,—For her health's sake Mrs. Clemens must try baths somewhere, and this it is that has determined us to go to Europe. The water required seems to be provided at a little obscure and little-visited nook up in the hills back of the Rhine somewhere and you get to it by Rhine traffic-boat and country stage-coach. Come, get “sick or sorry enough” and join us. We shall be a little while at that bath, and the rest of the summer at Annecy (this confidential to you) in Haute Savoie, 22 miles from Geneva. Spend the winters in Berlin. I don't know how long we shall be in Europe—I have a vote, but I don't cast it. I'm going to do whatever the others desire, with leave to change their mind, without prejudice, whenever they want to. Travel has no longer, any charm for me. I have seen all the foreign countries I want to see except heaven and hell, and I have only a vague curiosity as concerns one of those.

DEAR HOWELLS,—For the sake of her health, Mrs. Clemens needs to try some baths somewhere, and that's what has led us to decide on going to Europe. The kind of water she needs seems to be available at a little-known and rarely visited spot up in the hills behind the Rhine, which you can reach by a Rhine traffic boat and a country stagecoach. Come on, get “sick or sorry enough” and join us. We’ll spend some time at that bath, and the rest of the summer in Annecy (this is just between us) in Haute Savoie, 22 miles from Geneva. We’ll be spending the winters in Berlin. I have no idea how long we’ll be in Europe—I have a say, but I won’t use it. I’m going to do whatever the others want, with permission to change their minds, no matter when they feel like it. Traveling doesn’t excite me anymore. I’ve seen all the foreign places I wanted to see except heaven and hell, and I only have a bit of curiosity about one of those.

I found I couldn't use the play—I had departed too far from its lines when I came to look at it. I thought I might get a great deal of dialogue out of it, but I got only 15 loosely written pages—they saved me half a days work. It was the cursing phonograph. There was abundance of good dialogue, but it couldn't befitted into the new conditions of the story.

I realized I couldn't use the play—I had strayed too far from its lines when I took a closer look. I thought I could pull a lot of dialogue from it, but I ended up with just 15 loosely written pages—they saved me half a day's work. It was the frustrating phonograph. There was plenty of good dialogue, but it just didn't fit with the new conditions of the story.

Oh, look here—I did to-day what I have several times in past years thought of doing: answered an interviewing proposition from a rich newspaper with the reminder that they had not stated the terms; that my time was all occupied with writing, at good pay, and that as talking was harder work I should not care to venture it unless I knew the pay was going to be proportionately higher. I wish I had thought of this the other day when Charley Stoddard turned a pleasant Englishman loose on me and I couldn't think of any rational excuse.

Oh, look at this—I did today what I’ve thought about doing several times in the past: I responded to an interview request from a wealthy newspaper, reminding them that they hadn’t mentioned the terms; that my time was fully booked with writing, which pays well, and that since talking is harder work, I wouldn’t want to take it on unless I knew the pay would be significantly higher. I wish I had thought of this the other day when Charley Stoddard sent a nice Englishman my way and I couldn’t come up with a reasonable excuse.

                                        Ys Ever
                                                  MARK.
Ys Forever  
                                                  MARK.
     Clemens had finished his Sellers book and had disposed of the serial
     rights to the McClure syndicate.  The house in Hartford was closed
     early in June, and on the 6th the family, with one maid, Katie
     Leary, sailed on the Gascogne.  Two weeks later they had begun a
     residence abroad which was to last for more than nine years.

     It was not easy to get to work in Europe.  Clemens's arm remained
     lame, and any effort at writing brought suffering.  The Century
     Magazine proposed another set of letters, but by the end of July he
     had barely begun on those promised to McClure and Laffan.  In
     August, however, he was able to send three: one from Aix about the
     baths there, another from Bayreuth concerning the Wagner festival,
     and a third from Marienbad, in Bohemia, where they rested for a
     time.  He decided that he would arrange for no more European letters
     when the six were finished, but would gather material for a book.
     He would take a courier and a kodak and go tramping again in some
     fashion that would be interesting to do and to write.

     The idea finally matured when he reached Switzerland and settled the
     family at the Hotel Beau Rivage, Ouchy, Lausanne, facing Lake Leman.
     He decided to make a floating trip down the Rhone, and he engaged
     Joseph Very, a courier that had served him on a former European
     trip, to accompany him.  The courier went over to Bourget and bought
     for five dollars a flat-bottomed boat and engaged its owner as their
     pilot.  It was the morning of September 20, when they began their
     floating-trip down the beautiful historic river that flows through
     the loveliest and most romantic region of France.  He wrote daily to
     Mrs. Clemens, and his letters tell the story of that drowsy, happy
     experience better than the notes made with a view to publication.
     Clemens had arrived at Lake Bourget on the evening before the
     morning of their start and slept on the Island of Chatillon, in an
     old castle of the same name.  Lake Bourget connects with the Rhone
     by a small canal.
Clemens had finished his Sellers book and sold the serial rights to the McClure syndicate. The house in Hartford closed early in June, and on the 6th, the family, along with one maid, Katie Leary, sailed on the Gascogne. Two weeks later, they began a stay abroad that would last over nine years.

It was tough to get to work in Europe. Clemens's arm was still sore, and any attempt to write caused him pain. The Century Magazine suggested another set of letters, but by the end of July, he had barely started on those he promised to McClure and Laffan. However, in August, he managed to send three: one from Aix talking about the local baths, another from Bayreuth regarding the Wagner festival, and a third from Marienbad, in Bohemia, where they rested for a bit. He decided that once he finished the six letters, he wouldn’t arrange for more European letters but would gather material for a book. He planned to take a courier and a camera and go exploring again in a way that would be fun to do and write about.

The idea finally took shape when he reached Switzerland and settled the family at the Hotel Beau Rivage, Ouchy, Lausanne, overlooking Lake Leman. He decided to take a boat trip down the Rhone, and he hired Joseph Very, a courier who had helped him on a previous European trip, to go with him. The courier went over to Bourget and bought a flat-bottomed boat for five dollars and hired its owner to be their pilot. It was the morning of September 20 when they began their journey down the beautiful and historically rich river that flows through the prettiest and most romantic region of France. He wrote to Mrs. Clemens every day, and his letters captured the essence of that relaxed, joyful experience better than the notes he made for publication. Clemens had arrived at Lake Bourget the night before their journey began and slept on the Island of Chatillon, in an old castle of the same name. Lake Bourget connects to the Rhone via a small canal.










Letters and Memoranda to Mrs. Clemens, in Ouchy, Switzerland:

Letters and Memoranda to Mrs. Clemens, in Ouchy, Switzerland:

                                             Sept. 20, 1891.

                                             Sunday, 11 a.m.
                                             Sept. 20, 1891.

                                             Sunday, 11 a.m.

On the lake Bourget—just started. The castle of Chatillon high overhead showing above the trees. It was a wonderfully still place to sleep in. Beside us there was nobody in it but a woman, a boy and a dog. A Pope was born in the room I slept in. No, he became a Pope later.

On Lake Bourget—just begun. The castle of Chatillon loomed high above the trees. It was an incredibly peaceful place to sleep. There was no one around except for a woman, a boy, and a dog. A Pope was born in the room I stayed in. Well, he became a Pope later.

The lake is smooth as glass—a brilliant sun is shining.

The lake is as smooth as glass—a bright sun is shining.

Our boat is comfortable and shady with its awning.

Our boat is cozy and shady with its canopy.

11.20 We have crossed the lake and are entering the canal. Shall presently be in the Rhone.

11.20 We’ve crossed the lake and are entering the canal. We’ll soon be in the Rhone.

Noon. Nearly down to the Rhone. Passing the village of Chanaz.

Noon. Almost at the Rhone. Passing by the village of Chanaz.

3.15 p. m. Sunday. We have been in the Rhone 3 hours. It is unimaginably still and reposeful and cool and soft and breezy. No rowing or work of any kind to do—we merely float with the current—we glide noiseless and swift—as fast as a London cab-horse rips along—8 miles an hour—the swiftest current I've ever boated in. We have the entire river to ourselves—nowhere a boat of any kind.

3:15 p.m. Sunday. We've been on the Rhone for 3 hours. It's incredibly calm and peaceful, cool, soft, and breezy. There's no rowing or work to do—we're just floating with the current, gliding silently and quickly—like a London cab horse racing along—8 miles an hour—the fastest current I've ever been in. We have the whole river to ourselves—there's not a single boat around.

                         Good bye Sweetheart
                                        S. L. C.
Goodbye, Sweetheart  
S. L. C.
                                        PORT DE GROLEE, Monday, 4.15 p.m.

                                             [Sept. 21, 1891]
                                        PORT DE GROLEE, Monday, 4:15 p.m.

                                             [Sept. 21, 1891]

Name of the village which we left five minutes ago.

Name of the village we just left five minutes ago.

We went ashore at 5 p. m. yesterday, dear heart, and walked a short mile to St. Geuix, a big village, and took quarters at the principal inn; had a good dinner and afterwards along walk out of town on the banks of the Guiers till 7.30.

We got off the boat at 5 p.m. yesterday, my dear, and walked a little over a mile to St. Geuix, a large village, and checked into the main inn; we had a nice dinner and later took a long walk out of town along the banks of the Guiers until 7:30.

Went to bed at 8.30 and continued to make notes and read books and newspapers till midnight. Slept until 8, breakfasted in bed, and lay till noon, because there had been a very heavy rain in the night and the day was still dark and lowering. But at noon the sun broke through and in 15 minutes we were tramping toward the river. Got afloat at 1 p. m. but at 2.40 we had to rush suddenly ashore and take refuge in the above village. Just as we got ourselves and traps safely housed in the inn, the rain let go and came down in great style. We lost an hour and a half there, but we are off again, now, with bright sunshine.

Went to bed at 8:30 and kept making notes and reading books and newspapers until midnight. Slept until 8, had breakfast in bed, and stayed there until noon because it had rained heavily during the night and the day was still dark and gloomy. But at noon, the sun came out, and in 15 minutes we were heading toward the river. We got in the water at 1 p.m., but at 2:40 we had to rush ashore and seek shelter in the nearby village. Just as we got ourselves and our stuff settled in the inn, it started pouring down rain. We lost an hour and a half there, but now we’re back on track with bright sunshine.

I wrote you yesterday my darling, and shall expect to write you every day.

I wrote to you yesterday, my darling, and I plan to write to you every day.

Good-day, and love to all of you.

Good day, and love to all of you.

                                        SAML.
SAML.
                                        ON THE RHONE BELOW VILLEBOIS,

                                                  Tuesday noon.
                                        ON THE RHONE BELOW VILLEBOIS,

                                                  Tuesday noon.

Good morning, sweetheart. Night caught us yesterday where we had to take quarters in a peasant's house which was occupied by the family and a lot of cows and calves—also several rabbits.—[His word for fleas.]—The latter had a ball, and I was the ball-room; but they were very friendly and didn't bite.

Good morning, sweetheart. Last night, we found ourselves needing a place to stay in a peasant's home, which was full of the family and lots of cows and calves—along with several rabbits.—[His word for fleas.]—The rabbits had a great time, and I was the dance floor; but they were very friendly and didn't bite.

The peasants were mighty kind and hearty, and flew around and did their best to make us comfortable. This morning I breakfasted on the shore in the open air with two sociable dogs and a cat. Clean cloth, napkin and table furniture, white sugar, a vast hunk of excellent butter, good bread, first class coffee with pure milk, fried fish just caught. Wonderful that so much cleanliness should come out of such a phenomenally dirty house.

The peasants were really kind and warm-hearted, and they worked hard to make us comfortable. This morning, I had breakfast on the shore in the fresh air with two friendly dogs and a cat. There was a clean tablecloth, a napkin, plates, white sugar, a big chunk of delicious butter, good bread, top-notch coffee with fresh milk, and freshly caught fried fish. It's amazing that such cleanliness could come from such an incredibly dirty house.

An hour ago we saw the Falls of the Rhone, a prodigiously rough and dangerous looking place; shipped a little water but came to no harm. It was one of the most beautiful pieces of piloting and boat-management I ever saw. Our admiral knew his business.

An hour ago, we saw the Falls of the Rhone, a stunningly wild and dangerous spot; we took on a bit of water but didn’t get hurt. It was one of the most impressive displays of piloting and boat management I’ve ever witnessed. Our captain really knew what he was doing.

We have had to run ashore for shelter every time it has rained heretofore, but Joseph has been putting in his odd time making a water-proof sun-bonnet for the boat, and now we sail along dry although we had many heavy showers this morning.

We’ve had to dock for cover every time it’s rained before, but Joseph has been using his spare time to make a waterproof sunbonnet for the boat, and now we’re sailing dry even though we had a lot of heavy rain this morning.

With a word of love to you all and particularly you,

With a word of love to everyone, especially to you,

                                                       SAML.
SAML.
                                             ON THE RHONE, BELOW VIENNA.
ON THE RHONE, NEAR VIENNA.

I salute you, my darling. Your telegram reached me in Lyons last night and was very pleasant news indeed.

I greet you, my love. Your message arrived in Lyons last night, and it was truly delightful news.

I was up and shaved before 8 this morning, but we got delayed and didn't sail from Lyons till 10.30—an hour and a half lost. And we've lost another hour—two of them, I guess—since, by an error. We came in sight of Vienne at 2 o'clock, several miles ahead, on a hill, and I proposed to walk down there and let the boat go ahead of us. So Joseph and I got out and struck through a willow swamp along a dim path, and by and by came out on the steep bank of a slough or inlet or something, and we followed that bank forever and ever trying to get around the head of that slough. Finally I noticed a twig standing up in the water, and by George it had a distinct and even vigorous quiver to it! I don't know when I have felt so much like a donkey. On an island! I wanted to drown somebody, but I hadn't anybody I could spare. However, after another long tramp we found a lonely native, and he had a scow and soon we were on the mainland—yes, and a blamed sight further from Vienne than we were when we started.

I was up and shaved before 8 this morning, but we got delayed and didn't sail from Lyons until 10:30—an hour and a half lost. And we've lost another hour—probably two—since due to a mistake. We saw Vienne at 2 o'clock, several miles ahead on a hill, and I suggested we walk down there while the boat went ahead of us. So Joseph and I got out and made our way through a willow swamp along a faint path, and eventually ended up on the steep bank of a slough or inlet or something, and we followed that bank for what felt like forever trying to get around the head of that slough. Finally, I noticed a twig sticking up in the water, and it was quivering distinctly! I can't remember feeling so stupid. On an island! I wanted to throw someone overboard, but I didn’t have anyone to spare. However, after another long walk, we encountered a solitary local, and he had a small boat, and soon we were on the mainland—yes, and a heck of a lot further from Vienne than we were when we started.

Notes—I make millions of them; and so I get no time to write to you. If you've got a pad there, please send it poste-restante to Avignon. I may not need it but I fear I shall.

Notes—I make tons of them; and so I don't have time to write to you. If you have a pad there, please send it to Avignon. I might not need it, but I'm worried I will.

I'm straining to reach St. Pierre de Boef, but it's going to be a close fit, I reckon.

                                   AFLOAT, Friday, 3 p.m., '91.
AFLOAT, Friday, 3 PM, '91.

Livy darling, we sailed from St. Pierre de Boef six hours ago, and are now approaching Tournon, where we shall not stop, but go on and make Valence, a City Of 25,000 people. It's too delicious, floating with the swift current under the awning these superb sunshiny days in deep peace and quietness. Some of these curious old historical towns strangely persuade me, but it is so lovely afloat that I don't stop, but view them from the outside and sail on. We get abundance of grapes and peaches for next to nothing.

Livy, my dear, we left St. Pierre de Boef six hours ago and are now heading towards Tournon, where we won't stop but will continue on to Valence, a city of 25,000 people. It’s absolutely wonderful, drifting along with the fast current under this beautiful awning on these sunny days, enjoying deep peace and quiet. Some of these fascinating old historical towns really draw me in, but it’s so lovely on the water that I choose to admire them from afar and keep moving. We’re picking up plenty of grapes and peaches for hardly any cost.

Joseph is perfect. He is at his very best—and never was better in his life. I guess he gets discouraged and feels disliked and in the way when he is lying around—but here he is perfection, and brim full of useful alacrities and helps and ingenuities.

Joseph is amazing. He’s at his best—and has never been better in his life. I think he gets discouraged and feels unwanted and bothersome when he’s just lying around—but here, he’s perfect, full of helpful energy, enthusiasm, and clever ideas.

When I woke up an hour ago and heard the clock strike 4, I said “I seem to have been asleep an immensely long time; I must have gone to bed mighty early; I wonder what time I did go to bed.” And I got up and lit a candle and looked at my watch to see.

When I woke up an hour ago and heard the clock strike 4, I thought, “I must have been asleep for a really long time; I must have gone to bed really early; I wonder what time I actually went to bed.” So, I got up, lit a candle, and checked my watch to find out.

                                                       AFLOAT

                                        2 HOURS BELOW BOURG ST. ANDEOL.

                                        Monday, 11 a.m., Sept. 28.
                                                       AFLOAT

                                        2 HOURS BELOW BOURG ST. ANDEOL.

                                        Monday, 11 a.m., Sept. 28.

Livy darling, I didn't write yesterday. We left La Voulte in a driving storm of cold rain—couldn't write in it—and at 1 p. m. when we were not thinking of stopping, we saw a picturesque and mighty ruin on a high hill back of a village, and I was seized with a desire to explore it; so we landed at once and set out with rubbers and umbrella, sending the boat ahead to St. Andeol, and we spent 3 hours clambering about those cloudy heights among those worn and vast and idiotic ruins of a castle built by two crusaders 650 years ago. The work of these asses was full of interest, and we had a good time inspecting, examining and scrutinizing it. All the hills on both sides of the Rhone have peaks and precipices, and each has its gray and wasted pile of mouldy walls and broken towers. The Romans displaced the Gauls, the Visigoths displaced the Romans, the Saracens displaced the Visigoths, the Christians displaced the Saracens, and it was these pious animals who built these strange lairs and cut each other's throats in the name and for the glory of God, and robbed and burned and slew in peace and war; and the pauper and the slave built churches, and the credit of it went to the Bishop who racked the money out of them. These are pathetic shores, and they make one despise the human race.

Livy, sweetheart, I didn't write yesterday. We left La Voulte in a pouring storm of cold rain—no way to write in that—and at 1 p.m., when we weren’t planning to stop, we spotted a beautiful and impressive ruin on a high hill behind a village, and I suddenly really wanted to explore it; so we docked immediately and set off with our rain gear and an umbrella, sending the boat ahead to St. Andeol. We spent three hours climbing around those cloudy heights among the weathered, massive, and somewhat ridiculous ruins of a castle built by two crusaders 650 years ago. Their work was surprisingly interesting, and we enjoyed inspecting, examining, and scrutinizing it. All the hills on both sides of the Rhône have peaks and cliffs, each with its gray, decaying piles of crumbling walls and broken towers. The Romans pushed out the Gauls, the Visigoths pushed out the Romans, the Saracens pushed out the Visigoths, the Christians pushed out the Saracens, and it was these so-called pious people who built these odd hideouts and turned on each other in the name of God, robbing, burning, and slaughtering in both peace and war; and the poor and the enslaved built churches, while the credit for it went to the bishop who squeezed money out of them. These are tragic shores, and they make one look down on humanity.

We came down in an hour by rail, but I couldn't get your telegram till this morning, for it was Sunday and they had shut up the post office to go to the circus. I went, too. It was all one family—parents and 5 children—performing in the open air to 200 of these enchanted villagers, who contributed coppers when called on. It was a most gay and strange and pathetic show. I got up at 7 this morning to see the poor devils cook their poor breakfast and pack up their sordid fineries.

We arrived in an hour by train, but I didn’t get your telegram until this morning because it was Sunday and they closed the post office to go to the circus. I went, too. It was a whole family—parents and 5 kids—performing outdoors for 200 of these captivated villagers, who tossed in coins when asked. It was a really cheerful, strange, and touching show. I got up at 7 this morning to watch the poor souls prepare their simple breakfast and pack up their shabby costumes.

This is a 9 k-m. current and the wind is with us; we shall make Avignon before 4 o'clock. I saw watermelons and pomegranates for sale at St. Andeol.

This is a 9 km stretch, and the wind is in our favor; we'll reach Avignon before 4 o'clock. I saw watermelons and pomegranates for sale at St. Andeol.

               With a power of love, Sweetheart,
                                                  SAML.
               With a power of love, Sweetheart,  
                                                  SAML.
                                             HOTEL D'EUROPE, AVIGNON,

                                             Monday, 6 p.m., Sept. 28.
                                             HOTEL D'EUROPE, AVIGNON,

                                             Monday, 6 p.m., Sept. 28.

Well, Livy darling, I have been having a perfect feast of letters for an hour, and I thank you and dear Clam with all my heart. It's like hearing from home after a long absence.

Well, Livy darling, I've been enjoying a wonderful hour of letters, and I want to thank you and dear Clam with all my heart. It's like hearing from home after being away for so long.

It is early to be in bed, but I'm always abed before 9, on this voyage; and up at 7 or a trifle later, every morning. If I ever take such a trip again, I will have myself called at the first tinge of dawn and get to sea as soon after as possible. The early dawn on the water-nothing can be finer, as I know by old Mississippi experience. I did so long for you and Sue yesterday morning—the most superb sunrise!—the most marvelous sunrise! and I saw it all from the very faintest suspicion of the coming dawn all the way through to the final explosion of glory. But it had interest private to itself and not to be found elsewhere in the world; for between me and it, in the far distant-eastward, was a silhouette mountain-range in which I had discovered, the previous afternoon, a most noble face upturned to the sky, and mighty form out stretched, which I had named Napoleon Dreaming of Universal Empire—and now, this prodigious face, soft, rich, blue, spirituelle, asleep, tranquil, reposeful, lay against that giant conflagration of ruddy and golden splendors all rayed like a wheel with the upstreaming and far-reaching lances of the sun. It made one want to cry for delight, it was so supreme in its unimaginable majesty and beauty.

It’s early to be in bed, but I’m always in bed before 9 on this trip; and I get up at 7 or a little later every morning. If I ever take a trip like this again, I’ll have someone wake me at the first hint of dawn and get me to sea as soon as possible. The early dawn on the water—nothing could be better, as I know from my old Mississippi days. I missed you and Sue so much yesterday morning—the sunrise was spectacular!—the most amazing sunrise! I watched it all from the faintest hint of dawn right through to the final burst of glory. It had a special significance just for me that you can’t find anywhere else in the world; because between me and it, far off to the east, was a silhouette of a mountain range where I had discovered, the afternoon before, a magnificent face turned up to the sky, and a mighty form stretched out, which I had named Napoleon Dreaming of Universal Empire—and now, that incredible face, soft, rich, blue, and spiritual, slept peacefully against that giant explosion of red and golden splendor, all radiating like a wheel with the sun’s upstreaming and far-reaching rays. It made you want to cry from joy; it was so breathtaking in its unimaginable majesty and beauty.

We had a curious experience today. A little after I had sealed and directed my letter to you, in which I said we should make Avignon before 4, we got lost. We ceased to encounter any village or ruin mentioned in our “particularizes” and detailed Guide of the Rhone—went drifting along by the hour in a wholly unknown land and on an uncharted river! Confound it, we stopped talking and did nothing but stand up in the boat and search the horizons with the glass and wonder what in the devil had happened. And at last, away yonder at 5 o'clock when some east towers and fortresses hove in sight we couldn't recognize them for Avignon—yet we knew by the broken bridge that it was Avignon.

We had an odd experience today. Shortly after I sealed and addressed my letter to you, in which I mentioned we should reach Avignon before 4, we got lost. We stopped seeing any village or ruins listed in our guidebook for the Rhone and ended up wandering for hours in completely unfamiliar territory and on an uncharted river! Frustrated, we stopped talking and just stood in the boat, scanning the horizon with binoculars and wondering what the heck had gone wrong. Finally, at 5 o'clock, we spotted some eastern towers and fortresses in the distance, but we didn’t recognize them as Avignon—still, we knew it was Avignon by the broken bridge.

Then we saw what the trouble was—at some time or other we had drifted down the wrong side of an island and followed a sluggish branch of the Rhone not frequented in modern times. We lost an hour and a half by it and missed one of the most picturesque and gigantic and history-sodden masses of castellated medieval ruin that Europe can show.

Then we realized what the problem was—at some point, we had drifted down the wrong side of an island and followed a slow-moving branch of the Rhone that isn't visited much these days. We wasted an hour and a half and missed one of the most stunning, massive, and historically rich medieval castle ruins that Europe has to offer.

It was dark by the time we had wandered through the town and got the letters and found the hotel—so I went to bed.

It was dark by the time we wandered through the town, got the letters, and found the hotel—so I went to bed.

We shall leave here at noon tomorrow and float down to Arles, arriving about dark, and there bid good bye to the boat, the river-trip finished. Between Arles and Nimes (and Avignon again,) we shall be till Saturday morning—then rail it through on that day to Ouchy, reaching the hotel at 11 at night if the train isn't late.

We’ll leave here at noon tomorrow and float down to Arles, getting there around dark, and then we'll say goodbye to the boat, with the river trip done. We’ll stay between Arles and Nimes (and Avignon again) until Saturday morning—then take the train that day to Ouchy, arriving at the hotel by 11 PM if the train is on time.

Next day (Sunday) if you like, go to Basel, and Monday to Berlin. But I shall be at your disposal, to do exactly as you desire and prefer.

Next day (Sunday), if you’d like, go to Basel, and on Monday to Berlin. But I’ll be available to do exactly what you want and prefer.

          With no end of love to all of you and twice as much to you,
               sweetheart,
                         SAML.
          With endless love to all of you and double that for you,  
               sweetheart,  
                         SAML.

I believe my arm is a trifle better than it was when I started.

I think my arm is a little better than it was when I began.

     The mention in the foregoing letter of the Napoleon effigy is the
     beginning of what proved to be a rather interesting episode.  Mark
     Twain thought a great deal of his discovery, as he called it—the
     giant figure of Napoleon outlined by the distant mountain range.
     In his note-book he entered memoranda telling just where it was to
     be seen, and added a pencil sketch of the huge profile.  But then he
     characteristically forgot all about it, and when he recalled the
     incident ten years later, he could not remember the name of the
     village, Beauchastel, from which the great figure could be seen;
     also, that he had made a record of the place.

     But he was by this time more certain than ever that his discovery
     was a remarkable one, which, if known, would become one of the great
     natural wonders, such as Niagara Falls.  Theodore Stanton was
     visiting him at the time, and Clemens urged him, on his return to
     France, to make an excursion to the Rhone and locate the Lost
     Napoleon, as he now called it.  But Clemens remembered the wonder as
     being somewhere between Arles and Avignon, instead of about a
     hundred miles above the last-named town.  Stanton naturally failed
     to find it, and it remained for the writer of these notes, motoring
     up the Rhone one September day, exactly twenty-two years after the
     first discovery, to re-locate the vast reclining figure of the first
     consul of France, “dreaming of Universal Empire.”  The re-discovery
     was not difficult—with Mark Twain's memoranda as a guide—and it
     was worth while.  Perhaps the Lost Napoleon is not so important a
     natural wonder as Mark Twain believed, but it is a striking picture,
     and on a clear day the calm blue face outlined against the sky will
     long hold the traveler's attention.
The mention of the Napoleon figure in the previous letter starts what turned out to be an interesting episode. Mark Twain was really enthusiastic about his discovery, as he called it—the giant image of Napoleon shaped by the distant mountains. In his notebook, he made notes about where it could be seen and added a pencil sketch of the massive profile. But true to form, he completely forgot about it. When he remembered the incident ten years later, he couldn’t recall the name of the village, Beauchastel, from where the figure could be seen; nor did he remember that he had recorded the place.

By that time, he was even more convinced that his discovery was remarkable, one that would be considered one of the great natural wonders if people knew about it, like Niagara Falls. Theodore Stanton was visiting him then, and Clemens encouraged him, on his return to France, to take a trip to the Rhone and find the Lost Napoleon, as he now referred to it. However, Clemens remembered the wonder being somewhere between Arles and Avignon, instead of about a hundred miles upstream from Avignon. Naturally, Stanton was unable to find it, and it was left to the author of these notes, driving up the Rhone one September day twenty-two years after the initial discovery, to re-locate the vast reclining figure of France's first consul, “dreaming of Universal Empire.” The rediscovery wasn’t hard—thanks to Mark Twain's notes as a guide—and it was worth it. Maybe the Lost Napoleon isn’t as significant a natural wonder as Mark Twain believed, but it’s an impressive sight, and on a clear day, the calm blue face framed against the sky will definitely capture a traveler’s attention for a long time.










To Clara Clemens, in Ouchy, Switzerland:

To Clara Clemens, in Ouchy, Switzerland:

                              AFLOAT, 11.20 a.m., Sept. 29, Tuesday.
                              AFLOAT, 11:20 a.m., Sept. 29, Tuesday.

DEAR OLD BEN,—The vast stone masses and huge towers of the ancient papal palace of Avignon are projected above an intervening wooded island a mile up the river behind me—for we are already on our way to Arles. It is a perfectly still morning, with a brilliant sun, and very hot—outside; but I am under cover of the linen hood, and it is cool and shady in here.

DEAR OLD BEN,—The massive stone structures and tall towers of the ancient papal palace in Avignon rise above a wooded island a mile up the river behind me—since we're already on our way to Arles. It's a completely calm morning, with a bright sun, and really hot—outside; but I'm sheltered by the linen hood, and it's cool and shady in here.

Please tell mamma I got her very last letter this morning, and I perceive by it that I do not need to arrive at Ouchy before Saturday midnight. I am glad, because I couldn't do the railroading I am proposing to do during the next two or three days and get there earlier. I could put in the time till Sunday midnight, but shall not venture it without telegraphic instructions from her to Nimes day after tomorrow, Oct. 1, care Hotel Manivet.

Please tell Mom I got her last letter this morning, and I see from it that I don’t need to arrive at Ouchy before Saturday night. I’m happy about that because I wouldn’t be able to do the traveling I’m planning over the next two or three days and get there any sooner. I could stay until Sunday night, but I won’t take the chance without a telegram from her to Nimes the day after tomorrow, Oct. 1, care of Hotel Manivet.

The only adventures we have is in drifting into rough seas now and then. They are not dangerous, but they go thro' all the motions of it. Yesterday when we shot the Bridge of the Holy Spirit it was probably in charge of some inexperienced deputy spirit for the day, for we were allowed to go through the wrong arch, which brought us into a tourbillon below which tried to make this old scow stand on its head. Of course I lost my temper and blew it off in a way to be heard above the roar of the tossing waters. I lost it because the admiral had taken that arch in deference to my opinion that it was the best one, while his own judgment told him to take the one nearest the other side of the river. I could have poisoned him I was so mad to think I had hired such a turnip. A boatman in command should obey nobody's orders but his own, and yield to nobody's suggestions.

The only adventures we have are when we occasionally drift into rough waters. They're not dangerous, but they sure feel like it. Yesterday, when we went through the Bridge of the Holy Spirit, it was probably being managed by some inexperienced deputy spirit, because we were allowed to go through the wrong arch, which sent us into a whirlpool that tried to flip this old boat upside down. I definitely lost my cool and vented about it loud enough to be heard over the crashing waves. I lost it because the captain chose that arch out of respect for my opinion that it was the best, even though his gut instinct was to take the one closer to the other side of the river. I was so furious that I could have poisoned him for thinking I had hired such a fool. A boatman in charge should follow no one’s orders but his own and ignore everyone else's suggestions.

It was very sweet of you to write me, dear, and I thank you ever so much. With greatest love and kisses,

It was so nice of you to write to me, dear, and I really appreciate it. With all my love and kisses,

                                   PAPA.
DAD.










To Mrs. Clemens, in Ouchy, Switzerland:

To Mrs. Clemens, in Ouchy, Switzerland:

                                             ARLES, Sept. 30, noon.
ARLES, Sept. 30, 12 PM.

Livy darling, I hain't got no time to write today, because I am sight seeing industriously and imagining my chapter.

Livy, darling, I don't have time to write today because I'm busy sightseeing and planning my chapter.

Bade good-bye to the river trip and gave away the boat yesterday evening. We had ten great days in her.

Bids farewell to the river trip and gave away the boat yesterday evening. We had ten amazing days in her.

We reached here after dark. We were due about 4.30, counting by distance, but we couldn't calculate on such a lifeless current as we found.

We arrived here after dark. We were supposed to be here around 4:30, based on the distance, but we couldn’t predict such a sluggish current as we encountered.

               I love you, sweetheart.
                                        SAML.
I love you, babe.  
                                        SAML.
     It had been a long time since Clemens had written to his old friend
     Twichell, but the Rhone trip must have reminded him of those days
     thirteen years earlier, when, comparatively young men, he and
     Twichell were tramping through the Black Forest and scaling Gemmi
     Pass.  He sent Twichell a reminder of that happy time.
     It had been a while since Clemens had written to his old friend Twichell, but the trip along the Rhone must have brought back memories of the days thirteen years earlier when, as relatively young men, he and Twichell were hiking through the Black Forest and climbing Gemmi Pass. He sent Twichell a reminder of that great time.










To Rev. Joseph H. Twichell, in Hartford, Conn:

To Rev. Joseph H. Twichell, in Hartford, CT:

                                                  NIMES, Oct. 1, '91.
NIMES, Oct. 1, 1991.

DEAR JOE,—I have been ten days floating down the Rhone on a raft, from Lake Bourget, and a most curious and darling kind of a trip it has been. You ought to have been along—I could have made room for you easily—and you would have found that a pedestrian tour in Europe doesn't begin with a raft-voyage for hilarity and mild adventure, and intimate contact with the unvisited native of the back settlements, and extinction from the world and newspapers, and a conscience in a state of coma, and lazy comfort, and solid happiness. In fact there's nothing that's so lovely.

DEAR JOE,—I’ve been floating down the Rhone on a raft for ten days, starting from Lake Bourget, and it has been a really interesting and delightful trip. You should have come along—I could have easily made space for you—and you would see that a hiking trip in Europe isn’t quite the same as a raft journey for fun and light adventure, getting up close with the locals from remote areas, disconnecting from the world and the news, enjoying a carefree mind, and just feeling relaxed and truly happy. Honestly, there’s nothing quite as wonderful.

But it's all over. I gave the raft away yesterday at Arles, and am loafing along back by short stages on the rail to Ouchy-Lausanne where the tribe are staying.

But it's all over. I gave the raft away yesterday in Arles, and I'm taking my time heading back by train to Ouchy-Lausanne where the family is staying.

                         Love to you all
                                        MARK.
Love to you all,  
MARK.
     The Clemenses settled in Berlin for the winter, at 7 Kornerstrasse,
     and later at the Hotel Royal.  There had been no permanent
     improvement in Mark Twain's arm and he found writing difficult.
     Some of the letters promised to Laffan and McClure were still
     unfinished.

     Young Hall, his publishing manager in America, was working hard to
     keep the business afloat, and being full of the optimism of his
     years did not fail to make as good a showing as he could.  We may
     believe his letters were very welcome to Clemens and his wife, who
     found little enough in the general prospect to comfort them.
     The Clemenses settled in Berlin for the winter, at 7 Kornerstrasse,
     and later at the Hotel Royal. There was no real improvement in Mark Twain's arm, making writing difficult for him. Some of the letters he promised to Laffan and McClure were still not finished.

     Young Hall, his publishing manager in America, was working hard to keep the business going, and being youthful and optimistic, he did his best to present a positive outlook. We can assume his letters were very welcome to Clemens and his wife, who found little comfort in the overall situation.










To Mr. Hall, in New York:

To Mr. Hall, in New York:

                                                  BERLIN, Nov. 27, '91.
BERLIN, Nov. 27, 1991.

DEAR MR. HALL,—That kind of a statement is valuable. It came this morning. This is the first time since the business began that I have had a report that furnished the kind of information I wanted, and was really enlightening and satisfactory. Keep it up. Don't let it fall into desuetude.

DEAR MR. HALL,—That kind of statement is really valuable. It arrived this morning. This is the first time since the business started that I’ve received a report with the kind of information I wanted, and it was actually enlightening and satisfying. Keep it coming. Don’t let it fall by the wayside.

Everything looks so fine and handsome with the business, now, that I feel a great let-up from depression. The rewards of your long and patient industry are on their way, and their arrival safe in port, presently, seems assured.

Everything looks great with the business now, and I feel a huge relief from my depression. The rewards of your hard work and patience are on their way, and it seems certain that they'll arrive safely soon.

By George, I shall be glad when the ship comes in!

By George, I’ll be so relieved when the ship finally arrives!

My arm is so much better that I was able to make a speech last night to 250 Americans. But when they threw my portrait on the screen it was a sorrowful reminder, for it was from a negative of 15 years ago, and hadn't a gray hair in it. And now that my arm is better, I have stolen a couple of days and finished up a couple of McClure letters that have been lying a long time.

My arm has improved so much that I was able to give a speech last night to 250 Americans. But when they displayed my portrait on the screen, it was a sad reminder, because it was a photo from 15 years ago, and I didn’t have any gray hair back then. Now that my arm is better, I’ve taken a couple of days to finish up a couple of McClure letters that have been sitting around for a long time.

I shall mail one of them to you next Tuesday—registered. Lookout for it.

I’ll send one of them to you next Tuesday—registered mail. Keep an eye out for it.

I shall register and mail the other one (concerning the “Jungfrau”) next Friday look out for it also, and drop me a line to let me know they have arrived.

I will register and mail the other one (about the “Jungfrau”) next Friday. Keep an eye out for it, and drop me a line to let me know when it arrives.

I shall write the 6th and last letter by and by when I have studied Berlin sufficiently.

I will write the 6th and final letter later, after I’ve had enough time to explore Berlin.

Yours in a most cheerful frame of mind, and with my and all the family's Thanksgiving greetings and best wishes,

Yours with a cheerful mindset, along with my and the whole family's Thanksgiving greetings and best wishes,

                                        S. L. CLEMENS.
Mark Twain.
       Postscript by Mrs. Clemens written on Mr. Clemens's letter:
       Postscript by Mrs. Clemens written on Mr. Clemens's letter:

DEAR MR. HALL,—This is my birthday and your letter this morning was a happy addition to the little gifts on the breakfast table. I thought of going out and spending money for something unnecessary after it came, but concluded perhaps I better wait a little longer.

DEAR MR. HALL,—Today is my birthday, and your letter this morning was a lovely addition to the small gifts on the breakfast table. I considered going out and spending money on something unnecessary after receiving it, but I decided it might be better to wait a bit longer.

                                   Sincerely yours
                                             O. L. CLEMENS.
Best regards,  
O. L. CLEMENS.
     “The German Chicago” was the last of the six McClure letters and was
     finished that winter in Berlin.  It is now included in the Uniform
     Edition of Mark Twain's works, and is one of the best descriptive
     articles of the German capital ever written.  He made no use of the
     Rhone notes further than to put them together in literary form.
     They did not seem to him to contain enough substance to warrant
     publication.  A letter to Hall, written toward the end of December,
     we find rather gloomy in tone, though he is still able to extract
     comfort and even cheerfulness from one of Mr. Hall's reports.
     “The German Chicago” was the last of the six McClure letters and was finished that winter in Berlin. It is now part of the Uniform Edition of Mark Twain's works and is one of the best descriptions of the German capital ever written. He didn't really use the Rhone notes except to organize them into literary form. They didn't seem to have enough substance to justify publication. A letter to Hall, written toward the end of December, comes across as rather gloomy, though he still manages to find some comfort and even cheerfulness in one of Mr. Hall's reports.
                 Memorandum to Fred J. Hall, in New York:
                 Memorandum to Fred J. Hall, in New York:

Among the MSS I left with you are a few that have a recent look and are written on rather stiff pale green paper. If you will have those type-writered and keep the originals and send me the copies (one per mail, not two.) I'll see if I can use them.

Among the manuscripts I left with you, there are a few that look recent and are written on somewhat stiff light green paper. If you could get those typed up and keep the originals while sending me the copies (one per mail, not two), I'll see if I can use them.

But tell Howells and other inquirers that my hopes of writing anything are very slender—I seem to be disabled for life.

But tell Howells and others who ask that my hopes of writing anything are very slim—I feel like I'm disabled for life.

Drop McClure a line and tell him the same. I can't dare to make an engagement now for even a single letter.

Drop McClure a note and tell him the same. I can't risk making a commitment now for even a single letter.

I am glad Howells is on a magazine, but sorry he gave up the Study. I shall have to go on a magazine myself if this L. A. L. continues to hold my nose down to the grind-stone much longer.

I’m glad Howells is on a magazine, but I wish he hadn’t given up the Study. I’ll have to start on a magazine myself if this L. A. L. keeps forcing me to work so hard much longer.

I'm going to hold my breath, now, for 30 days—then the annual statement will arrive and I shall know how we feel! Merry Xmas to you from us all.

I'm going to hold my breath for 30 days — then the annual statement will come, and I'll know how we feel! Merry Christmas to you from all of us.

                         Sincerely,
                                   S. L. C.
Sincerely,  
                                   S. L. C.

P. S. Just finished the above and finished raging at the eternal German tax-gatherer, and so all the jubilant things which I was going to say about the past year's business got knocked out of me. After writing this present letter I was feeling blue about Huck Finn, but I sat down and overhauled your reports from now back to last April and compared them with the splendid Oct.-Nov. business, and went to bed feeling refreshed and fine, for certainly it has been a handsome year. Now rush me along the Annual Report and let's see how we feel!

P. S. I just wrapped up the above and finished venting about the annoying German tax collector, so all the exciting things I was planning to say about the past year's business got wiped out. After writing this letter, I was feeling down about Huck Finn, but I sat down and reviewed your reports from now back to last April and compared them with the amazing Oct.-Nov. business, and went to bed feeling uplifted and good, because it really has been a great year. Now hurry up with the Annual Report and let's see how we feel!

                                                  S. L. C.
SLC




XXXII. LETTERS, 1892, CHIEFLY TO MR. HALL AND MRS. CRANE. IN BERLIN, MENTONE, BAD-NAUHEIM, FLORENCE.

Mark Twain was the notable literary figure in Berlin that winter, the center of every great gathering. He was entertained by the Kaiser, and shown many special attentions by Germans of every rank. His books were as well known in Berlin as in New York, and at court assemblies and embassies he was always a chief center of interest.

Mark Twain was a prominent literary figure in Berlin that winter, the focal point of every major gathering. He was hosted by the Kaiser and received special attention from Germans of all ranks. His books were just as familiar in Berlin as they were in New York, and at court events and embassies, he was always a key figure of interest.

He was too popular for his own good; the gaiety of the capital told on him. Finally, one night, after delivering a lecture in a hot room, he contracted a severe cold, driving to a ball at General von Versen's, and a few days later was confined to his bed with pneumonia. It was not a severe attack, but it was long continued. He could write some letters and even work a little, but he was not allowed to leave his bed for many weeks, a condition which he did not find a hardship, for no man ever enjoyed the loose luxury of undress and the comfort of pillows more than Mark Twain. In a memorandum of that time he wrote: “I am having a booming time all to myself.”

He was way too popular for his own good; the lively atmosphere of the city affected him. Finally, one night, after giving a lecture in a hot room, he caught a bad cold while driving to a ball at General von Versen's, and a few days later, he was stuck in bed with pneumonia. It wasn't a severe case, but it lasted quite a while. He could write a few letters and even work a bit, but he wasn't allowed to get out of bed for many weeks, which he didn't mind at all, because no one enjoyed the cozy luxury of being in comfortable clothes and lounging on pillows more than Mark Twain. In a note from that time, he wrote: “I am having a booming time all to myself.”

Meantime, Hall, in America, was sending favorable reports of the publishing business, and this naturally helped to keep up his spirits. He wrote frequently to Hall, of course, but the letters for the most part are purely of a business nature and of little interest to the general reader.

Meantime, Hall, in America, was sending positive updates about the publishing industry, which naturally helped boost his morale. He wrote to Hall often, but most of the letters were mainly about business and not particularly interesting to the average reader.










To Fred J. Hall, in New York:

To Fred J. Hall, in New York:

                                        HOTEL ROYAL, BERLIN, Feb. 12.
Hotel Royal, Berlin, Feb. 12.

DEAR MR. HALL,—Daly wants to get the stage rights of the “American Claimant.” The foundation from which I wrote the story is a play of the same name which has been in A. P. Burbank's hands 5 or 6 years. That play cost me some money (helping Burbank stage it) but has never brought me any. I have written Burbank (Lotos Club) and asked him to give me back his rights in the old play so that I can treat with Daly and utilize this chance to even myself up. Burbank is a lovely fellow, and if he objects I can't urge him. But you run in at the Lotos and see him; and if he relinquishes his claim, then I would like you to conduct the business with Daly; or have Whitford or some other lawyer do it under your supervision if you prefer.

DEAR MR. HALL,—Daly wants to obtain the stage rights for “The American Claimant.” The foundation for the story I wrote is a play of the same name that has been with A. P. Burbank for about 5 or 6 years. That play cost me some money (helping Burbank stage it) but has never earned me anything. I've reached out to Burbank (Lotos Club) and asked him to return his rights to the old play so I can negotiate with Daly and take advantage of this opportunity to recover my losses. Burbank is a great guy, and if he declines, I won’t push him. But please stop by the Lotos and talk to him; if he gives up his claim, I’d like you to handle the negotiations with Daly, or get Whitford or another lawyer to do it under your guidance if you’d like.

This morning I seem to have rheumatism in my right foot.

This morning it seems like I have rheumatism in my right foot.

I am ordered south by the doctor and shall expect to be well enough to start by the end of this month.

I’ve been told by the doctor to head south, and I expect to be well enough to leave by the end of this month.

                             [No signature.]
[No signature.]
     It is curious, after Clemens and Howells had tried so hard and so
     long to place their “Sellers” Play, that now, when the story
     appeared in book form, Augustin Daly should have thought it worth
     dramatizing.  Daly and Clemens were old friends, and it would seem
     that Daly could hardly have escaped seeing the play when it was
     going the rounds.  But perhaps there is nothing more mysterious in
     the world than the ways and wants of theatrical managers.  The
     matter came to nothing, of course, but the fact that Daly should
     have thought a story built from an old discarded play had a play in
     it seems interesting.

     Clemens and his wife were advised to leave the cold of Berlin as
     soon as he was able to travel.  This was not until the first of
     March, when, taking their old courier, Joseph Very, they left the
     children in good hands and journeyed to the south of France.
     It's interesting that after Clemens and Howells worked so hard and for so long to get their "Sellers" Play staged, now, when the story was published as a book, Augustin Daly thought it was worth adapting into a play. Daly and Clemens were longtime friends, and it seems unlikely that Daly wouldn’t have seen the play during its run. But then again, the wants and ways of theater managers can be quite mysterious. Ultimately, nothing came of it, but it's intriguing that Daly believed a story taken from an old, discarded play could still make a good stage production.

     Clemens and his wife were recommended to leave the cold weather in Berlin as soon as he could travel. That didn’t happen until the beginning of March, when they took their old courier, Joseph Very, left the kids in capable hands, and headed to the south of France.










To Susy Clemens, in Berlin:

To Susy Clemens, in Berlin:

                                             MENTONE, Mch 22, '92.
MENTONE, Mar 22, '92.

SUSY DEAR,—I have been delighted to note your easy facility with your pen and proud to note also your literary superiorities of one kind and another—clearness of statement, directness, felicity of expression, photographic ability in setting forth an incident—style—good style—no barnacles on it in the way of unnecessary, retarding words (the Shipman scrapes off the barnacles when he wants his racer to go her best gait and straight to the buoy.) You should write a letter every day, long or short—and so ought I, but I don't.

SUSY DEAR,—I have been thrilled to see how effortlessly you write and proud to acknowledge your literary strengths—clarity of expression, straightforwardness, and your talent for vividly describing events—style—good style—no unnecessary clutter getting in the way (like a ship's captain scraping off barnacles to ensure her boat can race at its best speed straight to the buoy). You should write a letter every day, long or short—and I should too, but I don’t.

Mamma says, tell Clara yes, she will have to write a note if the fan comes back mended.

Mom says to tell Clara yes, she’ll need to write a note if the fan gets fixed.

We couldn't go to Nice to-day—had to give it up, on various accounts—and this was the last chance. I am sorry for Mamma—I wish she could have gone. She got a heavy fall yesterday evening and was pretty stiff and lame this morning, but is working it off trunk packing.

We couldn't go to Nice today—we had to give it up for various reasons—and this was our last chance. I feel bad for Mom—I wish she could have gone. She had a bad fall yesterday evening and was pretty stiff and sore this morning, but she's working it off by packing.

Joseph is gone to Nice to educate himself in Kodaking—and to get the pictures mounted which Mamma thinks she took here; but I noticed she didn't take the plug out, as a rule. When she did, she took nine pictures on top of each other—composites.

Joseph has gone to Nice to learn about photography—and to get the photos that Mom thinks she took here developed; but I noticed she usually didn’t take the lens cap off. When she did, she ended up with nine pictures stacked on top of each other—composites.

                              With lots of love.
                                                  PAPA.
With lots of love,  
PAPA.
     In the course of their Italian wanderings they reached Florence,
     where they were so comfortable and well that they decided to engage
     a villa for the next winter.  Through Prof. Willard Fiske, they
     discovered the Villa Viviani, near Settignano, an old palace
     beautifully located on the hilltops east of Florence, commanding a
     wonderful view of the ancient city.  Clemens felt that he could work
     there, and time proved that he was right.

     For the summer, however, they returned to Germany, and located at
     Bad-Nauheim.  Clemens presently decided to make a trip to America to
     give some personal attention to business matters.  For one thing,
     his publishing-house, in spite of prosperity, seemed constantly to
     be requiring more capital, and then a Chicago company had been
     persuaded by Paige to undertake the manufacture of the type-setter.
     It was the beginning of a series of feverish trips which he would
     make back and forth across the ocean during the next two years.
     During their travels in Italy, they arrived in Florence, where they were so comfortable and happy that they decided to rent a villa for the next winter. Through Prof. Willard Fiske, they found the Villa Viviani, near Settignano, an old palace beautifully situated on the hills east of Florence, offering a stunning view of the historic city. Clemens felt he could work there, and time showed that he was correct.

     For the summer, however, they returned to Germany and settled in Bad-Nauheim. Clemens soon decided to take a trip to America to personally handle some business matters. For one thing, his publishing company, despite being successful, seemed to always need more capital, and a Chicago company had been convinced by Paige to take on the production of the type-setter. This marked the start of a series of intense trips he would make back and forth across the ocean over the next two years.










To Fred J. Hall, in New York:

To Fred J. Hall, in New York:

                                        BAD-NAUHEIM, June 11, '92.

                                                       Saturday.
Bad Nauheim, June 11, '92.  

                                                       Saturday.

DEAR MR. HALL,—If this arrives before I do, let it inform you that I am leaving Bremen for New York next Tuesday in the “Havel.”

DEAR MR. HALL,—If this gets to you before I do, I want you to know that I'm leaving Bremen for New York next Tuesday on the “Havel.”

If you can meet me when the ship arrives, you can help me to get away from the reporters; and maybe you can take me to your own or some other lodgings where they can't find me.

If you can meet me when the ship gets here, you can help me get away from the reporters; and maybe you can take me to your place or somewhere else where they can't find me.

But if the hour is too early or too late for you, I shall obscure myself somewhere till I can come to the office.

But if the time is too early or too late for you, I’ll find a place to wait until I can come to the office.

Yours sincerely S. L. C.

Sincerely, S. L. C.

     Nothing of importance happened in America.  The new Paige company
     had a factory started in Chicago and expected to manufacture fifty
     machines as a beginning.  They claimed to have capital, or to be
     able to command it, and as the main control had passed from
     Clemens's hands, he could do no more than look over the ground and
     hope for the best.  As for the business, about all that he could do
     was to sign certain notes necessary to provide such additional
     capital as was needed, and agree with Hall that hereafter they would
     concentrate their efforts and resist further temptation in the way
     of new enterprise.  Then he returned to Bad-Nauheim and settled down
     to literature.  This was the middle of July, and he must have worked
     pretty steadily, for he presently had a variety of MSS. ready to
     offer.
     Nothing significant happened in America. The new Paige company had a factory up and running in Chicago and expected to produce fifty machines as a start. They claimed to have funding, or at least the ability to secure it, and since the main control had shifted away from Clemens, he could do no more than survey the situation and hope for the best. As for the business, all he could do was sign certain notes to provide any additional funding that was required and agree with Hall that from now on they would focus their efforts and resist the urge to pursue new ventures. Then he went back to Bad-Nauheim and settled into writing. It was mid-July, and he must have worked quite steadily, as he soon had a range of manuscripts ready to submit.










To Fred J. Hall, in New York:

To Fred J. Hall, in New York:

                                                       Aug. 10, '92.
Aug. 10, 1992.

DEAR MR. HALL,—I have dropped that novel I wrote you about, because I saw a more effective way of using the main episode—to wit: by telling it through the lips of Huck Finn. So I have started Huck Finn and Tom Sawyer (still 15 years old) and their friend the freed slave Jim around the world in a stray balloon, with Huck as narrator, and somewhere after the end of that great voyage he will work in the said episode and then nobody will suspect that a whole book has been written and the globe circumnavigated merely to get that episode in an effective (and at the same time apparently unintentional) way. I have written 12,000 words of this narrative, and find that the humor flows as easily as the adventures and surprises—so I shall go along and make a book of from 50,000 to 100,000 words.

DEAR MR. HALL,—I’ve set aside that novel I mentioned to you because I found a better way to present the main story—by sharing it through Huck Finn’s perspective. So, I’ve started a new adventure with Huck Finn and Tom Sawyer (still 15 years old) and their friend Jim, the freed slave, traveling around the world in a stray balloon, with Huck as the narrator. Somewhere after their incredible journey, he will weave in the episode I talked about, and then no one will realize that an entire book has been written, and the globe circumnavigated, just to effectively include that episode in a way that seems unintentional. I’ve already written 12,000 words of this narrative, and I find that the humor comes as naturally as the adventures and surprises—so I plan to continue and make it a book of between 50,000 and 100,000 words.

It is a story for boys, of course, and I think will interest any boy between 8 years and 80.

It’s a story for boys, obviously, and I believe it will appeal to any guy between 8 and 80 years old.

When I was in New York the other day Mrs. Dodge, editor of St. Nicholas, wrote and, offered me $5,000 for (serial right) a story for boys 50,000 words long. I wrote back and declined, for I had other matter in my mind, then.

When I was in New York the other day, Mrs. Dodge, editor of St. Nicholas, wrote to me and offered $5,000 for the serial rights to a story for boys that was 50,000 words long. I replied and turned it down because I had other things on my mind at that time.

I conceive that the right way to write a story for boys is to write so that it will not only interest boys but will also strongly interest any man who has ever been a boy. That immensely enlarges the audience.

I believe the best way to write a story for boys is to make it interesting not just for them, but also for any man who was once a boy. That significantly expands the audience.

Now this story doesn't need to be restricted to a Childs magazine—it is proper enough for any magazine, I should think, or for a syndicate. I don't swear it, but I think so.

Now this story doesn't have to be limited to a children's magazine—it seems suitable for any magazine, I believe, or for a syndicate. I'm not certain, but that's my impression.

Proposed title of the story, “New Adventures of Huckleberry Finn.”

Proposed title of the story, “New Adventures of Huckleberry Finn.”

                             [No signature.]
[No signature.]
     The “novel” mentioned in the foregoing was The Extraordinary Twins,
     a story from which Pudd'nhead Wilson would be evolved later.  It was
     a wildly extravagant farce—just the sort of thing that now and then
     Mark Twain plunged into with an enthusiasm that had to work itself
     out and die a natural death, or mellow into something worth while.
     Tom Sawyer Abroad, as the new Huck story was finally called, was
     completed and disposed of to St. Nicholas for serial publication.

     The Twichells were in Europe that summer, and came to Bad-Nauheim.
     The next letter records a pleasant incident.  The Prince of Wales of
     that day later became King Edward VII.
     The "novel" mentioned earlier was The Extraordinary Twins, a story that would later lead to Pudd'nhead Wilson. It was a crazy, over-the-top farce—exactly the kind of thing Mark Twain occasionally threw himself into with a passion that either fizzled out or matured into something meaningful. Tom Sawyer Abroad, which was the final title of the new Huck story, was finished and sold to St. Nicholas for serial publication.

     The Twichells were in Europe that summer and visited Bad-Nauheim. The next letter recounts a nice event. The Prince of Wales at that time later became King Edward VII.










To Mr. and Mrs. Orion Clemens, in Keokuk, Iowa.:

To Mr. and Mrs. Orion Clemens, in Keokuk, Iowa.:

                                   Private.  BAD-NAUHEIM, Aug. 23, '92.
Private. BAD NAUHEIM, Aug. 23, '92.

DEAR ORION AND MOLLIE,—(“Private” because no newspaper-man or other gossip must get hold of it)

DEAR ORION AND MOLLIE,—(“Private” because no journalists or other gossips should get a hold of it)

Livy is getting along pretty well, and the doctor thinks another summer here will cure her.

Livy is doing pretty well, and the doctor believes that another summer here will help her recover.

The Twichell's have been here four days and we have had good times with them. Joe and I ran over to Homburg, the great pleasure resort, Saturday, to dine with some friends, and in the morning I went walking in the promenade and met the British Ambassador to the Court of Berlin, and he introduced me to the Prince of Wales, and I found him a most unusually comfortable and unembarrassing Englishman to talk with—quick to see the obscurest point, and equipped with a laugh which is spontaneous and catching. Am invited by a near friend of his to meet him at dinner day after tomorrow, and there could be a good time, but the brass band will smash the talk and spoil everything.

The Twichells have been here for four days, and we’ve had a great time with them. Joe and I went over to Homburg, the popular resort, on Saturday to have dinner with some friends. In the morning, I took a walk along the promenade and ran into the British Ambassador to the Court of Berlin, who introduced me to the Prince of Wales. I found him to be a remarkably easygoing and relaxed Englishman to talk to—quick to understand even the most subtle points and having a laugh that’s spontaneous and infectious. I've been invited by a close friend of his to have dinner with him the day after tomorrow, and that could be a lot of fun, but the brass band will drown out the conversation and ruin everything.

We are expecting to move to Florence ten or twelve days hence, but if this hot weather continues we shall wait for cooler. I take Clara to Berlin for the winter-music, mainly, with German and French added. Thus far, Jean is our only glib French scholar.

We’re planning to move to Florence in about ten or twelve days, but if this hot weather keeps up, we’ll wait for it to cool down. I’m taking Clara to Berlin mainly for the winter music, along with some German and French. So far, Jean is our only fluent French speaker.

We all send love to you all and to Pamela and Sam's family, and Annie.

We all send our love to everyone, including Pamela, Sam's family, and Annie.

                                   SAM
SAM
     Clemens and family left Bad-Nauheim for Italy by way of Switzerland.
     In September Mrs. Clemens's sister, Mrs. Crane, who had been with
     them in Europe during the first year, had now returned to America.
     Mrs. Clemens had improved at the baths, though she had by no means
     recovered her health.  We get a general report of conditions from
     the letter which Clemens wrote Mrs. Crane from Lucerne, Switzerland,
     where the party rested for several days.  The “Phelps” mentioned in
     this letter was William Walter Phelps, United States Minister to
     Germany.  The Phelps and Clemens families had been much associated
     in Berlin.  “Mason” was Frank Mason, Consul General at Frankfort,
     and in later years at Paris.  “Charlie and Ida” were Charles and
     Mrs. Langdon, of Elmira.
     Clemens and his family left Bad-Nauheim for Italy, passing through Switzerland. In September, Mrs. Clemens's sister, Mrs. Crane, who had been with them in Europe during the first year, returned to America. Mrs. Clemens had benefited from the baths, although she hadn’t fully regained her health. We get a general update on their situation from the letter Clemens wrote to Mrs. Crane from Lucerne, Switzerland, where they rested for a few days. The “Phelps” mentioned in this letter was William Walter Phelps, the United States Minister to Germany. The Phelps and Clemens families had spent a lot of time together in Berlin. “Mason” referred to Frank Mason, the Consul General in Frankfurt and later in Paris. “Charlie and Ida” were Charles and Mrs. Langdon, from Elmira.










To Mrs. Crane, in Elmira, N. Y.:

To Mrs. Crane, in Elmira, NY:

                                             LUCERNE, Sept. 18, '92.
LUCERNE, Sept. 18, 1992.

DEAR AUNT SUE,—Imagine how I felt to find that you had actually gone off without filling my traveling ink stand which you gave me! I found it out yesterday. Livy advised me to write you about it.

DEAR AUNT SUE,—Can you believe how I felt discovering that you had actually left without filling the traveling ink stand you gave me? I found out yesterday. Livy suggested I write to you about it.

I have been driving this pen hard. I wrote 280 pages on a yarn called “Tom Sawyer Abroad,” then took up the “Twins” again, destroyed the last half of the manuscript and re-wrote it in another form, and am going to continue it and finish it in Florence. “Tom Sawyer” seems rather pale to the family after the extravagances of the Twins, but they came to like it after they got used to it.

I have been using this pen a lot. I wrote 280 pages of a story called “Tom Sawyer Abroad,” then went back to the “Twins,” threw away the second half of the manuscript, and rewrote it in a different way. I'm planning to keep working on it and finish it in Florence. “Tom Sawyer” seems a bit dull to the family after the wildness of the Twins, but they ended up liking it once they got used to it.

We remained in Nauheim a little too long. If we had left there four or five days earlier we should have made Florence in 3 days; but by the time we got started Livy had got smitten with what we feared might be erysipelas—greatly swollen neck and face, and unceasing headaches. We lay idle in Frankfort 4 days, doctoring. We started Thursday and made Bale. Hard trip, because it was one of those trains that gets tired every seven minutes and stops to rest three quarters of an hour. It took us 3 1/2 hours to get here, instead of the regulation 2.20. We reached here Friday evening and will leave tomorrow (Tuesday) morning. The rest has made the headaches better. We shall pull through to Milan tomorrow if possible. Next day we shall start at 10 a. m., and try to make Bologna, 5 hours. Next day (Thursday) Florence, D. V. Next year we will walk, for these excursions have got to be made over again. I've got seven trunks, and I undertook to be courier because I meant to express them to Florence direct, but we were a couple of days too late. All continental roads had issued a peremptory order that no baggage should travel a mile except in the company of the owner. (All over Europe people are howling; they are separated from their baggage and can't get it forwarded to them) I have to re-ship my trunks every day. It is very amusing—uncommonly so. There seemed grave doubts about our being able to get these trunks over the Italian frontier, but I've got a very handsome note from the Frankfort Italian Consul General addressed to all Italian Customs Officers, and we shall get through if anybody does.

We stayed in Nauheim a bit too long. If we had left four or five days earlier, we could have reached Florence in three days; however, by the time we got going, Livy developed what we feared might be erysipelas—her neck and face were really swollen, and she had constant headaches. We spent four days in Frankfort, getting treatment. We left on Thursday and made it to Bale. It was a tough journey because it was one of those trains that gets tired every seven minutes and stops for three-quarters of an hour. It took us 3.5 hours to get here instead of the usual 2.20. We arrived here Friday evening and will leave tomorrow (Tuesday) morning. The rest has improved the headaches. We plan to get to Milan tomorrow if possible. The next day we’ll depart at 10 a.m. and aim to reach Bologna in five hours. The following day (Thursday) we hope to be in Florence, D.V. Next year we’ll walk because we need to redo these trips. I have seven trunks and offered to be the courier because I intended to send them directly to Florence, but we were a couple of days late. All continental railways issued a strict order saying that no baggage could travel a mile without its owner. (People all over Europe are complaining; they're separated from their bags and can't get them forwarded.) I have to re-ship my trunks every day. It’s quite funny—actually, very amusing. There were serious concerns about getting these trunks over the Italian border, but I have a nice note from the Italian Consul General in Frankfort addressed to all Italian Customs Officers, so we should get through if anyone does.

The Phelpses came to Frankfort and we had some great times—dinner at his hotel, the Masons, supper at our inn—Livy not in it. She was merely allowed a glimpse, no more. Of course, Phelps said she was merely pretending to be ill; was never looking so well and fine.

The Phelpses came to Frankfort, and we had a great time—dinner at his hotel, the Masons, supper at our inn—with Livy not joining us. She was only allowed a quick peek, nothing more. Of course, Phelps claimed she was just pretending to be sick; she had never looked so good.

The children are all right. They paddle around a little, and drive-so do we all. Lucerne seems to be pretty full of tourists. The Fleulen boat went out crowded yesterday morning.

The kids are doing fine. They mess around a bit and have fun—just like the rest of us. Lucerne is crowded with tourists. The Fleulen boat was packed yesterday morning.

The Paris Herald has created a public interest by inoculating one of its correspondents with cholera. A man said yesterday he wished to God they would inoculate all of them. Yes, the interest is quite general and strong, and much hope is felt.

The Paris Herald has generated public interest by vaccinating one of its reporters against cholera. A man said yesterday he wished they would vaccinate all of them. Yes, the interest is widespread and intense, and there’s a lot of hope.

Livy says, I have said enough bad things, and better send all our loves to you and Charley and Ida and all the children and shut up. Which I do—and shut up.

Livy says, I've said enough negative things, so I better send all our love to you, Charley, Ida, and all the kids and stop talking. Which I do—and stop talking.

                              S. L. C.
SLC
     They reached Florence on the 26th, and four days later we find
     Clemens writing again to Mrs. Crane, detailing everything at length.
     Little comment on this letter is required; it fully explains itself.
     Perhaps a word of description from one of his memoranda will not be
     out of place.  Of the villa he wrote: “It is a plain, square
     building, like a box, and is painted light green and has green
     window-shutters.  It stands in a commanding position on the
     artificial terrace of liberal dimensions, which is walled around
     with masonry.  From the walls the vineyards and olive groves of the
     estate slant away toward the valley....  Roses overflow the
     retaining walls and the battered and mossy stone urn on the
     gate-post, in pink and yellow cataracts, exactly as they do on the
     drop-curtains in the theaters.  The house is a very fortress for
     strength.”

     The Mrs. Ross in this letter was Janet Ross, daughter of Lady Duff
     Gordon, remembered to-day for her Egyptian letters.  The Ross castle
     was but a little distance away.
They arrived in Florence on the 26th, and four days later, we see Clemens writing to Mrs. Crane again, providing a detailed account. This letter needs little commentary as it speaks for itself. Perhaps a descriptive note from one of his memos will fit well here. About the villa, he wrote: “It’s a simple, square building, like a box, painted light green with green window shutters. It’s situated in a prominent spot on a spacious artificial terrace, which is surrounded by sturdy walls. From these walls, the vineyards and olive groves of the estate slope down toward the valley.... Roses spill over the retaining walls and the weathered, moss-covered stone urn on the gatepost, blooming in pink and yellow cascades, just like the drop curtains in theaters. The house is a true fortress of strength.”

The Mrs. Ross mentioned in this letter was Janet Ross, daughter of Lady Duff Gordon, who is still remembered today for her Egyptian letters. The Ross castle was just a short distance away.










To Mrs. Crane, in Elmira:

To Mrs. Crane in Elmira:

                                   VILLA VIVIANI, SETTIGNANO, FLORENCE.

                                                  Sept.  30, 1892
                                   VILLA VIVIANI, SETTIGNANO, FLORENCE.

                                                  Sept. 30, 1892

DEAR SUE,—We have been in the house several days, and certainly it is a beautiful place,—particularly at this moment, when the skies are a deep leaden color, the domes of Florence dim in the drizzling rain, and occasional perpendicular coils of lightning quivering intensely in the black sky about Galileo's Tower. It is a charming panorama, and the most conspicuous towers and domes down in the city look to-day just as they looked when Boccaccio and Dante used to contemplate them from this hillock five and six hundred years ago.

DEAR SUE,—We've been in the house for several days now, and it really is a beautiful place—especially right now, with the skies a deep gray, the domes of Florence hazy in the drizzling rain, and occasional flashes of lightning crackling in the dark sky around Galileo's Tower. It's a stunning view, and the most prominent towers and domes in the city look today just like they did when Boccaccio and Dante used to admire them from this hill five or six hundred years ago.

The Mademoiselle is a great help to Livy in the housekeeping, and is a cheery and cheerful presence in the house. The butler is equipped with a little French, and it is this fact that enables the house to go—but it won't go well until the family get some sort of facility with the Italian tongue, for the cook, the woman-of-all-work and the coachman understand only that. It is a stubborn and devilish language to learn, but Jean and the others will master it. Livy's German Nauheim girl is the worst off of anybody, as there is no market for her tongue at all among the help.

The Mademoiselle is a huge help to Livy with the housework and brings a bright and cheerful vibe to the home. The butler knows a bit of French, which keeps things running, but it won't really be smooth until the family picks up some Italian since the cook, the housekeeper, and the driver only speak that. It’s a tough and tricky language to learn, but Jean and the others will get the hang of it. Livy's German Nauheim girl has it the worst because there's no demand for her language among the staff.

With the furniture in and the curtains up the house is very pretty, and not unhomelike. At mid-night last night we heard screams up stairs—Susy had set the lofty window curtains afire with a candle. This sounds kind of frightful, whereas when you come to think of it, a burning curtain or pile of furniture hasn't any element of danger about it in this fortress. There isn't any conceivable way to burn this house down, or enable a conflagration on one floor to climb to the next.

With the furniture set up and the curtains hung, the house looks really nice and feels welcoming. Last night at midnight, we heard screams from upstairs—Susy had accidentally set the tall window curtains on fire with a candle. This sounds pretty terrifying, but when you think about it, a burning curtain or some furniture doesn't actually pose a real threat in this place. There's no way for this house to catch fire or for flames from one floor to spread to another.

Mrs. Ross laid in our wood, wine and servants for us, and they are excellent. She had the house scoured from Cellar to rook the curtains washed and put up, all beds pulled to pieces, beaten, washed and put together again, and beguiled the Marchese into putting a big porcelain stove in the vast central hall. She is a wonderful woman, and we don't quite see how or when we should have gotten under way without her.

Mrs. Ross stocked the firewood, wine, and staff for us, and they’re great. She had the house cleaned from top to bottom, got the curtains washed and hung, all the beds taken apart, cleaned, and put back together, and convinced the Marchese to put a big porcelain stove in the large central hall. She’s an amazing woman, and we really can’t figure out how or when we would have gotten started without her.

Observe our address above—the post delivers letters daily at the house.

Observe our address above—the post delivers letters every day at the house.

Even with the work and fuss of settling the house Livy has improved—and the best is yet to come. There is going to be absolute seclusion here—a hermit life, in fact. We (the rest of us) shall run over to the Ross's frequently, and they will come here now and then and see Livy—that is all. Mr. Fiske is away—nobody knows where—and the work on his house has been stopped and his servants discharged. Therefore we shall merely go Rossing—as far as society is concerned—shan't circulate in Florence until Livy shall be well enough to take a share in it.

Even with all the work and hassle of settling into the house, Livy has improved—and the best is still to come. We're going to have total seclusion here—a hermit life, really. The rest of us will visit the Ross's often, and they'll come here now and then to see Livy—that's about it. Mr. Fiske is away—no one knows where—and the work on his house has been halted and his staff let go. So, we’ll just be visiting the Ross's as far as socializing goes—we won't be mingling in Florence until Livy is well enough to join in.

This present house is modern. It is not much more than two centuries old; but parts of it, and also its foundations are of high antiquity. The fine beautiful family portraits—the great carved ones in the large ovals over the doors of the big hall—carry one well back into the past. One of them is dated 1305—he could have known Dante, you see. Another is dated 1343—he could have known Boccaccio and spent his afternoons in Fiesole listening to the Decameron tales. Another is dated 1463—he could have met Columbus.....

This house is modern. It’s only a little over two hundred years old; however, parts of it and its foundations are really old. The beautiful family portraits—those big carved ones in the large ovals above the doors in the big hall—really take you back in time. One of them is dated 1305—he could have known Dante, you see. Another one is dated 1343—he could have met Boccaccio and spent his afternoons in Fiesole listening to the tales of the Decameron. Another is dated 1463—he could have met Columbus...

Evening. The storm thundered away until night, and the rain came down in floods. For awhile there was a partial break, which furnished about such a sunset as will be exhibited when the Last Day comes and the universe tumbles together in wreck and ruin. I have never seen anything more spectacular and impressive.

Evening. The storm raged on until night, and the rain poured down in torrents. For a while, there was a brief pause, revealing a sunset that resembled what might happen on the Last Day when the universe collapses into chaos. I've never seen anything more amazing and striking.

One person is satisfied with the villa, anyway. Jean prefers it to all Europe, save Venice. Jean is eager to get at the Italian tongue again, now, and I see that she has forgotten little or nothing of what she learned of it in Rome and Venice last spring.

One person is happy with the villa, anyway. Jean likes it more than anywhere in Europe, except for Venice. Jean is excited to speak Italian again, and I can see that she has forgotten very little of what she learned in Rome and Venice last spring.

I am the head French duffer of the family. Most of the talk goes over my head at the table. I catch only words, not phrases. When Italian comes to be substituted I shall be even worse off than I am now, I suppose.

I’m the family’s clueless French speaker. Most of the conversations at the table go over my head. I only pick up words, not phrases. When we switch to Italian, I'll probably struggle even more than I do now.

This reminds me that this evening the German girl said to Livy, “Man hat mir gesagt loss Sie una candella verlaught habe”—unconsciously dropping in a couple of Italian words, you see. So she is going to join the polyglots, too, it appears. They say it is good entertainment to hear her and the butler talk together in their respective tongues, piecing out and patching up with the universal sign-language as they go along. Five languages in use in the house (including the sign-language-hardest-worked of them all) and yet with all this opulence of resource we do seem to have an uncommonly tough time making ourselves understood.

This reminds me that this evening the German girl said to Livy, “I was told you lost a candle”—unintentionally slipping in a couple of Italian words, you see. So it looks like she’s going to join the polyglots, too. They say it’s quite entertaining to listen to her and the butler chatting in their own languages, piecing things together with universal sign language as they go. Five languages are spoken in the house (including the sign language, which sees the most action) and yet with all this wealth of resources, we still seem to struggle to make ourselves understood.

What we lack is a cat. If we only had Germania! That was the most satisfactory all-round cat I have seen yet. Totally ungermanic in the raciness of his character and in the sparkle of his mind and the spontaneity of his movements. We shall not look upon his like again....

What we need is a cat. If only we had Germania! He was the most satisfying all-around cat I've ever seen. Completely un-Germanic in the liveliness of his personality, the brilliance of his mind, and the spontaneity of his actions. We'll never see his kind again....

                                        S. L. C.
S.L.C.
     Clemens got well settled down to work presently.  He found the
     situation, the climate, the background, entirely suited to literary
     production, and in a little while he had accomplished more than at
     any other time since his arrival in Europe.  From letters to Mrs.
     Crane and to Mr. Hall we learn something of his employments and his
     satisfaction.
     Clemens quickly got into a good rhythm with his work. He felt that the setting, the weather, and the atmosphere were perfect for writing, and soon he had achieved more than he had at any other point since arriving in Europe. From his letters to Mrs. Crane and Mr. Hall, we get some insight into what he was working on and how happy he was.










To Mrs. Crane, in Elmira:

To Mrs. Crane, Elmira:

                                                  VILLA VIVIANI

                              SETTIGNANO, FLORENCE.  Oct. 22, '92.
                                                  VILLA VIVIANI

                              SETTIGNANO, FLORENCE.  Oct. 22, '92.

DEAR SUE,—We are getting wonted. The open fires have driven away the cold and the doubt, and now a cheery spirit pervades the place. Livy and the Kings and Mademoiselle having been taking their tea a number of times, lately, on the open terrace with the city and the hills and the sunset for company. I stop work, a few minutes, as a rule, when the sun gets down to the hilltops west of Florence, and join the tea-group to wonder and exclaim. There is always some new miracle in the view, a new and exquisite variation in the show, a variation which occurs every 15 minutes between dawn and night. Once early in the morning, a multitude of white villas not before perceived, revealed themselves on the far hills; then we recognized that all those great hills are snowed thick with them, clear to the summit.

DEAR SUE,—We’re getting used to things. The open fires have chased away the cold and the doubts, and now a cheerful vibe fills the place. Livy, the Kings, and Mademoiselle have been having their tea several times lately on the open terrace, enjoying the city, the hills, and the sunset as company. I usually take a few minutes to stop working when the sun dips down to the hilltops west of Florence and join the tea group to marvel and share our amazement. There’s always some new wonder in the view, a new and beautiful change in the scene, a change that happens every 15 minutes from dawn to night. One early morning, a multitude of white villas we hadn’t noticed before appeared on the distant hills; then we realized those great hills are covered with them all the way to the top.

The variety of lovely effects, the infinitude of change, is something not to be believed by any who has not seen it. No view that I am acquainted with in the world is at all comparable to this for delicacy, charm, exquisiteness, dainty coloring, and bewildering rapidity of change. It keeps a person drunk with pleasure all the time. Sometimes Florence ceases to be substantial, and becomes just a faint soft dream, with domes and towers of air, and one is persuaded that he might blow it away with a puff of his breath.

The variety of beautiful effects and endless change is something that can't be believed by anyone who hasn't seen it. No view I know of in the world compares to this in terms of delicacy, charm, beauty, subtle colors, and astonishing rapidity of transformation. It keeps a person constantly intoxicated with pleasure. Sometimes Florence stops feeling real and turns into a soft, faint dream, with airy domes and towers, making one feel like they could blow it away with a puff of breath.

Livy is progressing admirably. This is just the place for her.

Livy is doing really well. This is exactly the right place for her.

                           [Remainder missing.]
[Remainder missing.]










To Fred J. Hall, in New York:

To Fred J. Hall, in New York:

                                                  Dec.  12, '92.
Dec. 12, 1992.

DEAR MR. HALL,—November check received.

Dear Mr. Hall, —November payment received.

I have lent the Californian's Story to Arthur Stedman for his Author Club Book, so your suggestion that my new spring-book bear that name arrives too late, as he probably would not want us to use that story in a book of ours until the Author book had had its run. That is for him to decide—and I don't want him hampered at all in his decision. I, for my part, prefer the “$1,000,000 Banknote and Other Stories” by Mark Twain as a title, but above my judgment I prefer yours. I mean this—it is not taffy.

I’ve lent the Californian's Story to Arthur Stedman for his Author Club Book, so your suggestion for my new spring book to have that name comes a bit too late, as he probably wouldn’t want us to use that story in our book until the Author book has run its course. That’s his decision to make—and I don’t want to pressure him in any way. Personally, I prefer the title “$1,000,000 Banknote and Other Stories” by Mark Twain, but I value your judgment even more. I mean this sincerely—it’s not flattery.

I told Arthur to leave out the former squib or paragraph and use only the Californian's Story. Tell him this is because I am going to use that in the book I am now writing.

I told Arthur to skip the previous squib or paragraph and just use the Californian's Story. Let him know it's because I'm planning to include that in the book I'm currently writing.

I finished “Those Extraordinary Twins” night before last makes 60 or 80,000 words—haven't counted.

I finished “Those Extraordinary Twins” the night before last, which is around 60 or 80,000 words—I haven’t counted.

The last third of it suits me to a dot. I begin, to-day, to entirely recast and re-write the first two-thirds—new plan, with two minor characters, made very prominent, one major character cropped out, and the Twins subordinated to a minor but not insignificant place.

The last third of it fits me perfectly. Starting today, I’m going to completely rewrite the first two-thirds—new plan, with two minor characters getting a lot of attention, one major character cut out, and the Twins moved to a less prominent but still important role.

The minor character will now become the chiefest, and I will name the story after him—“Puddn'head Wilson.”

The minor character will now take center stage, and I will title the story after him—“Puddn'head Wilson.”

Merry Xmas to you, and great prosperity and felicity!

Merry Christmas to you, and wishing you lots of prosperity and happiness!

                                                  S. L. CLEMENS.
Mark Twain.




XXXIII. LETTERS, 1893, TO MR. HALL, MRS. CLEMENS, AND OTHERS. FLORENCE. BUSINESS TROUBLES. “PUDD'NHEAD WILSON.” “JOAN OF ARC.” AT THE PLAYERS, NEW

YORK.

YORK.

The reader may have suspected that young Mr. Hall in New York was having his troubles. He was by this time one-third owner in the business of Charles L. Webster & Co., as well as its general manager. The business had been drained of its capital one way and another-partly by the publication of unprofitable books; partly by the earlier demands of the typesetter, but more than all by the manufacturing cost and agents' commissions demanded by L. A. L.; that is to say, the eleven large volumes constituting the Library of American Literature, which Webster had undertaken to place in a million American homes. There was plenty of sale for it—indeed, that was just the trouble; for it was sold on payments—small monthly payments—while the cost of manufacture and the liberal agents' commissions were cash items, and it would require a considerable period before the dribble of collections would swell into a tide large enough to satisfy the steady outflow of expense. A sale of twenty-five sets a day meant prosperity on paper, but unless capital could be raised from some other source to make and market those books through a period of months, perhaps even years, to come, it meant bankruptcy in reality. It was Hall's job, with Clemens to back him, to keep their ship afloat on these steadily ebbing financial waters. It was also Hall's affair to keep Mark Twain cheerful, to look pleasant himself, and to show how they were steadily getting rich because orders were pouring in, though a cloud that resembled bankruptcy loomed always a little higher upon the horizon. If Hall had not been young and an optimist, he would have been frightened out of his boots early in the game. As it was, he made a brave steady fight, kept as cheerful and stiff an upper lip as possible, always hoping that something would happen—some grand sale of his other books, some unexpected inflow from the type-setter interests—anything that would sustain his ship until the L. A. L. tide should turn and float it into safety.

The reader might have sensed that young Mr. Hall in New York was facing difficulties. By this time, he owned a third of the business at Charles L. Webster & Co. and was its general manager. The business had been drained of its funds for various reasons—partly due to the release of unprofitable books, partly because of early payments to the typesetter, but mostly because of the manufacturing costs and agents' commissions for L. A. L.; specifically, the eleven large volumes making up the Library of American Literature, which Webster had pledged to distribute to a million American households. There was a good market for it—indeed, that was the issue; it was sold on installment—small monthly payments—while the manufacturing costs and generous agents' commissions had to be paid upfront, meaning it would take a significant time for collections to build up enough to cover the ongoing expenses. Selling twenty-five sets a day looked great on paper, but unless they could secure additional funding to produce and sell those books over the coming months, possibly even years, it meant inevitable bankruptcy. Hall's task, with Clemens backing him, was to keep their ship afloat in these troubling financial waters. It was also Hall's responsibility to keep Mark Twain in good spirits, to maintain a pleasant demeanor, and to demonstrate that they were steadily growing rich because orders were flooding in, even though a looming shadow of bankruptcy was always lurking just above the horizon. If Hall hadn't been young and hopeful, he would have been terrified early on. As it was, he fought valiantly, kept his spirits up the best he could, always hoping that something would change—some big sale of his other books, some unexpected income from the typesetter interests—anything that would keep their ship afloat until the L. A. L. tide turned and carried it to safety.

Clemens had faith in Hall and was fond of him. He never found fault with him; he tried to accept his encouraging reports at their face value. He lent the firm every dollar of his literary earnings not absolutely needed for the family's support; he signed new notes; he allowed Mrs. Clemens to put in such remnants of her patrimony as the type-setter had spared.

Clemens trusted Hall and liked him. He never criticized him; he tried to take his positive updates at face value. He contributed every dollar he earned from writing that wasn't absolutely necessary for the family's support; he signed new loans; he let Mrs. Clemens invest whatever was left of her inheritance that the typesetter had saved.

The situation in 1893 was about as here outlined. The letters to Hall of that year are frequent and carry along the story. To any who had formed the idea that Mark Twain was irascible, exacting, and faultfinding, they will perhaps be a revelation.

The situation in 1893 was pretty much as described here. The letters to Hall from that year are frequent and tell the story. For anyone who thought Mark Twain was irritable, demanding, and critical, these might come as a surprise.










To Fred J. Hall, in New York:

To Fred J. Hall, in New York:

                                             FLORENCE, Jan. 1, '93.
FLORENCE, Jan. 1, 1993.

DEAR MR. HALL,—Yours of Dec. 19 is to hand, and Mrs. Clemens is deeply distressed, for she thinks I have been blaming you or finding fault with you about something. But most surely that cannot be. I tell her that although I am prone to write hasty and regrettable things to other people, I am not a bit likely to write such things to you. I can't believe I have done anything so ungrateful. If I have, pile coals of fire on my head, for I deserve it!

DEAR MR. HALL,—I received your message from Dec. 19, and Mrs. Clemens is really upset because she thinks I’ve been blaming you or criticizing you about something. But that’s definitely not the case. I told her that while I may be quick to write impulsive and regrettable things to others, I would never do that to you. I can’t believe I would do something so ungrateful. If I have, then I deserve to be punished for it!

I wonder if my letter of credit isn't an encumbrance? Do you have to deposit the whole amount it calls for? If that is so, it is an encumbrance, and we must withdraw it and take the money out of soak. I have never made drafts upon it except when compelled, because I thought you deposited nothing against it, and only had to put up money that I drew upon it; that therefore the less I drew the easier it would be for you.

I’m wondering if my letter of credit is a burden. Do you have to deposit the full amount it specifies? If that's the case, then it is a burden, and we need to withdraw it and take the money out of the account. I’ve only made drafts on it when necessary because I believed you didn’t deposit anything against it and only needed to put up money that I withdrew. So, the less I withdrew, the easier it would be for you.

I am dreadfully sorry I didn't know it would be a help to you to let my monthly check pass over a couple of months. I could have stood that by drawing what is left of Mrs. Clemens's letter of credit, and we would have done it cheerfully.

I’m really sorry I didn’t realize that letting my monthly check go through for a couple of months would help you. I could have managed that by using the remaining balance from Mrs. Clemens's letter of credit, and we would have done it happily.

I will write Whitmore to send you the “Century” check for $1,000, and you can collect Mrs. Dodge's $2,000 (Whitmore has power of attorney which I think will enable him to endorse it over to you in my name.) If you need that $3,000 put it in the business and use it, and send Whitmore the Company's note for a year. If you don't need it, turn it over to Mr. Halsey and let him invest it for me.

I will ask Whitmore to send you the “Century” check for $1,000, and you can collect Mrs. Dodge's $2,000 (Whitmore has power of attorney, so I believe he can endorse it over to you in my name). If you need that $3,000, go ahead and put it in the business and use it, then send Whitmore the Company’s note for a year. If you don’t need it, give it to Mr. Halsey and let him invest it for me.

I've a mighty poor financial head, and I may be all wrong—but tell me if I am wrong in supposing that in lending my own firm money at 6 per cent I pay 4 of it myself and so really get only a per cent? Now don't laugh if that is stupid.

I've got a terrible sense for finances, and I could be completely off—but tell me if I'm mistaken in thinking that by lending my own company money at 6 percent, I'm essentially paying 4 percent of it myself and really only gaining 2 percent? Please don't laugh if that's a dumb question.

Of course my friend declined to buy a quarter interest in the L. A. L. for $200,000. I judged he would. I hoped he would offer $100,000, but he didn't. If the cholera breaks out in America, a few months hence, we can't borrow or sell; but if it doesn't we must try hard to raise $100,000. I wish we could do it before there is a cholera scare.

Of course, my friend said no to buying a 25% stake in the L.A.L. for $200,000. I figured he would. I hoped he might offer $100,000, but he didn't. If cholera breaks out in America in a few months, we won't be able to borrow or sell; but if it doesn't, we really need to work hard to raise $100,000. I wish we could do it before there’s a cholera scare.

I have been in bed two or three days with a cold, but I got up an hour ago, and I believe I am all right again.

I’ve been in bed for two or three days with a cold, but I got up an hour ago, and I think I’m okay now.

How I wish I had appreciated the need of $100,000 when I was in New York last summer! I would have tried my best to raise it. It would make us able to stand 1,000 sets of L. A. L. per month, but not any more, I guess.

How I wish I had understood the importance of $100,000 when I was in New York last summer! I would have done everything I could to raise it. It would allow us to handle 1,000 sets of L. A. L. per month, but probably not any more.

You have done magnificently with the business, and we must raise the money somehow, to enable you to reap the reward of all that labor.

You’ve done an amazing job with the business, and we need to find a way to raise the money so you can enjoy the fruits of all that hard work.

                              Sincerely Yours

                                        S. L. CLEMENS.
Sincerely,  

S. L. CLEMENS.

“Whitmore,” in this letter, was F. G. Whitmore, of Hartford, Mark Twain's financial agent. The money due from Mrs. Dodge was a balance on Tom Sawyer Abroad, which had been accepted by St. Nicholas. Mr. Halsey was a down-town broker.

“Whitmore,” in this letter, was F. G. Whitmore, of Hartford, Mark Twain's financial agent. The money owed by Mrs. Dodge was a balance on Tom Sawyer Abroad, which had been accepted by St. Nicholas. Mr. Halsey was a downtown broker.

Clemens, who was growing weary of the constant demands of L. A. L., had conceived the idea that it would be well to dispose of a portion of it for enough cash to finance its manufacture.

Clemens, who was getting tired of the constant demands from L. A. L., had come up with the idea that it might be a good move to sell off part of it for enough cash to fund its production.

We don't know who the friend was to whom he offered a quarter interest for the modest sum of two hundred thousand dollars. But in the next letter we discover designs on a certain very canny Scotchman of Skibo.

We don't know who the friend was that he offered a quarter interest to for the modest sum of two hundred thousand dollars. But in the next letter, we find out about his plans for a certain very shrewd Scotsman from Skibo.










To Fred J. Hall, in New York:

To Fred J. Hall, in New York:

                                             FLORENCE, Jan. 28, '92.
FLORENCE, Jan. 28, 1992.

DEAR MR. HALL,—I want to throw out a suggestion and see what you think of it. We have a good start, and solid ground under us; we have a valuable reputation; our business organization is practical, sound and well-devised; our publications are of a respect-worthy character and of a money-breeding species. Now then I think that the association with us of some one of great name and with capital would give our business a prodigious impetus—that phrase is not too strong.

DEAR MR. HALL,—I want to make a suggestion and see what you think. We have a solid foundation and a great start; we have a strong reputation; our business structure is practical, sound, and well-planned; our publications are reputable and profitable. I believe that partnering with someone well-known and financially capable would give our business a huge boost—there's no exaggeration in that.

As I look at it, it is not money merely that is needed; if that were all, the firm has friends enough who would take an interest in a paying venture; we need some one who has made his life a success not only from a business standpoint, but with that achievement back of him, has been great enough to make his power felt as a thinker and a literary man. It is a pretty usual thing for publishers to have this sort of partners. Now you see what a power Carnegie is, and how far his voice reaches in the several lines I speak of. Do you know him? You do by correspondence or purely business talks about his books—but personally, I mean? so that it would not be an intrusion for you to speak to him about this desire of mine—for I would like you to put it before him, and if you fail to interest him in it, you will probably get at least some valuable suggestions from him. I'll enclose a note of introduction—you needn't use it if you don't need to.

As I see it, we don’t just need money; if that were all, the firm has plenty of friends who would be interested in a profitable venture. What we really need is someone who has achieved success not only in business but who, with that success, has made an impact as a thinker and a writer. It’s pretty common for publishers to have partners like this. Just look at Carnegie and how influential he is in the areas I mentioned. Do you know him? I mean personally, not just through correspondence or business discussions about his books? It wouldn’t be awkward for you to bring up this desire of mine with him. I’d really appreciate it if you could present it to him, and even if he’s not interested, you might still get some valuable advice from him. I'll include a note of introduction—you don’t have to use it if it’s not necessary.

                                   Yours S. L. C.
Yours, S. L. C.

P. S. Yes, I think I have already acknowledged the Dec. $1,000 and the Jan. $500—and if another $500 was mailed 3 days ago there's no hiatus.

P.S. Yes, I believe I've already confirmed the December $1,000 and the January $500—and if another $500 was sent 3 days ago, there's no gap.

I think I also reminded you that the new letter of credit does not cover the unexpended balance of the old one but falls considerably short of it.

I think I also reminded you that the new letter of credit doesn’t cover the unused balance of the old one but is significantly less than that.

Do your best with Carnegie, and don't wait to consider any of my intermediate suggestions or talks about our raising half of the $200,000 ourselves. I mean, wait for nothing. To make my suggestion available I should have to go over and see Arnot, and I don't want to until I can mention Carnegie's name to him as going in with us.

Do your best with Carnegie, and don't hesitate to think about any of my middle suggestions or discussions about us raising half of the $200,000 ourselves. I mean, don’t wait at all. To share my suggestion, I would need to go see Arnot, and I don’t want to do that until I can bring up Carnegie’s name as joining us.

My book is type-written and ready for print—“Pudd'nhead Wilson-a Tale.” (Or, “Those Extraordinary Twins,” if preferable.)

My book is typed up and ready for printing—“Pudd'nhead Wilson—a Tale.” (Or, “Those Extraordinary Twins,” if you prefer.)

It makes 82,500 words—12,000 more than Huck Finn. But I don't know what to do with it. Mrs. Clemens thinks it wouldn't do to go to the Am. Pub. Co. or anywhere outside of our own house; we have no subscription machinery, and a book in the trade is a book thrown away, as far as money-profit goes. I am in a quandary. Give me a lift out of it.

It totals 82,500 words—12,000 more than Huck Finn. But I’m not sure what to do with it. Mrs. Clemens believes it wouldn’t be wise to go to the Am. Pub. Co. or any place outside our own home; we don’t have a subscription system, and a book in the market is just a book wasted when it comes to making money. I’m stuck. Help me out of this.

I will mail the book to you and get you to examine it and see if it is good or if it is bad. I think it is good, and I thought the Claimant bad, when I saw it in print; but as for real judgment, I think I am destitute of it.

I will send you the book so you can take a look and see if it’s good or bad. I believe it’s good, and I thought the Claimant was bad when I saw it in print, but when it comes to real judgment, I feel like I lack it.

I am writing a companion to the Prince and Pauper, which is half done and will make 200,000 words; and I have had the idea that if it were gotten up in handsome style, with many illustrations and put at a high enough price maybe the L. A. L. canvassers would take it and run it with that book. Would they? It could be priced anywhere from $4 up to $10, according to how it was gotten up, I suppose.

I’m working on a companion to The Prince and the Pauper, which is halfway done and will be about 200,000 words long. I was thinking that if it’s presented nicely, with lots of illustrations, and priced high enough, maybe the L. A. L. canvassers would consider promoting it along with that book. Do you think they would? It could be priced anywhere from $4 to $10, depending on how it’s produced, I guess.

I don't want it to go into a magazine.

I don't want it to be published in a magazine.

                                             S. L. C.
S.L.C.

I am having several short things type-“writered.” I will send them to you presently. I like the Century and Harper's, but I don't know that I have any business to object to the Cosmopolitan if they pay as good rates. I suppose a man ought to stick to one magazine, but that may be only superstition. What do you think?

I’m having a few short pieces typed up. I’ll send them to you soon. I like Century and Harper's, but I guess I can't really object to Cosmopolitan if they offer good rates. I suppose a person should stick to one magazine, but maybe that’s just a superstition. What do you think?

                                             S. L. C.
S.L.C.
     “The companion to The Prince and the Pauper,” mentioned in this
     letter, was the story of Joan of Arc, perhaps the most finished of
     Mark Twain's literary productions.  His interest in Joan had been
     first awakened when, as a printer's apprentice in Hannibal, he had
     found blowing along the street a stray leaf from some printed story
     of her life.  That fragment of history had pictured Joan in prison,
     insulted and mistreated by ruffians.  It had aroused all the
     sympathy and indignation in the boy, Sam Clemens; also, it had
     awakened his interest in history, and, indeed, in all literature.

     His love for the character of Joan had grown with the years, until
     in time he had conceived the idea of writing her story.  As far back
     as the early eighties he had collected material for it, and had
     begun to make the notes.  One thing and another had interfered, and
     he had found no opportunity for such a story.  Now, however, in
     Florence, in the ancient villa, and in the quiet garden, looking
     across the vineyards and olive groves to the dream city along the
     Arno, he felt moved to take up the tale of the shepherd girl of
     France, the soldier maid, or, as he called her, “The noble child,
     the most innocent, the most lovely, the most adorable the ages have
     produced.”  His surroundings and background would seem to have been
     perfect, and he must have written with considerable ease to have
     completed a hundred thousand words in a period of not more than six
     weeks.

     Perhaps Hall did not even go to see Carnegie; at all events nothing
     seems to have come of the idea.  Once, at a later time, Mask Twain
     himself mentioned the matter to Carnegie, and suggested to him that
     it was poor financiering to put all of one's eggs into one basket,
     meaning into iron.  But Carnegie answered, “That's a mistake; put
     all your eggs into one basket and watch that basket.”

     It was March when Clemens felt that once more his presence was
     demanded in America.  He must see if anything could be realized from
     the type-setter or L. A. L.
     “The companion to The Prince and the Pauper,” mentioned in this
     letter, was the story of Joan of Arc, perhaps the most polished of
     Mark Twain's works. His interest in Joan began when, as a printer's apprentice in Hannibal, he found a stray page from a printed story about her life blowing down the street. That fragment depicted Joan in prison, insulted and mistreated by thugs. It stirred all the sympathy and outrage in the boy, Sam Clemens; it also sparked his interest in history and, indeed, in all literature.

     His love for Joan's character grew over the years, until he eventually came up with the idea of writing her story. As far back as the early eighties, he had gathered material for it and started taking notes. Various things interfered, and he hadn’t found the opportunity to write this story. Now, though, in Florence, in the ancient villa, and in the quiet garden, looking across the vineyards and olive groves to the dream city along the Arno, he felt inspired to take up the tale of the shepherd girl of France, the soldier maid, or, as he called her, “The noble child, the most innocent, the most lovely, the most adorable the ages have produced.” His surroundings seemed perfect for writing, and he must have written with considerable ease to complete a hundred thousand words in no more than six weeks.

     Perhaps Hall didn’t even go to see Carnegie; at any rate, nothing seems to have come of that idea. Later on, Mark Twain himself mentioned the issue to Carnegie and suggested that it was risky to put all your eggs in one basket, referring to investments in steel. But Carnegie replied, “That's a mistake; put all your eggs into one basket and watch that basket.”

     It was March when Clemens felt that once again his presence was needed in America. He had to see if anything could be done about the typesetter or L. A. L.










To Fred J. Hall, in New York:

To Fred J. Hall, in New York:

                                                       March 13, '93.
March 13, 1993.

DEAR MR. HALL,—I am busy getting ready to sail the 22d, in the Kaiser Wilhelm II.

DEAR MR. HALL,—I'm currently preparing to set sail on the 22nd, on the Kaiser Wilhelm II.

I send herewith 2 magazine articles.

I’m sending you 2 magazine articles.

The Story contains 3,800 to 4,000 words.

The story has 3,800 to 4,000 words.

The “Diary” contains 3,800 words.

The “Diary” has 3,800 words.

Each would make about 4 pages of the Century.

Each would make about 4 pages of the Century.

The Diary is a gem, if I do say it myself that shouldn't.

The Diary is a gem, if I may say so, though I probably shouldn't.

If the Cosmopolitan wishes to pay $600 for either of them or $1,200 for both, gather in the check, and I will use the money in America instead of breaking into your treasury.

If the Cosmopolitan wants to pay $600 for either one of them or $1,200 for both, collect the check, and I’ll use the money in America instead of dipping into your funds.

If they don't wish to trade for either, send the articles to the Century, without naming a price, and if their check isn't large enough I will call and abuse them when I come.

If they don't want to trade for either, send the items to the Century without mentioning a price, and if their check isn't big enough, I'll call and give them a hard time when I come.

I signed and mailed the notes yesterday.

I signed and sent the notes yesterday.

                                        Yours
                                             S. L. C.
Yours sincerely  
                                             S. L. C.
     Clemens reached New York on the 3d of April and made a trip to
     Chicago, but accomplished nothing, except to visit the World's Fair
     and be laid up with a severe cold.  The machine situation had not
     progressed.  The financial stringency of 1893 had brought everything
     to a standstill.  The New York bank would advance Webster & Co. no
     more money.  So disturbed were his affairs, so disordered was
     everything, that sometimes he felt himself as one walking amid
     unrealities.  A fragment of a letter to Mrs. Crane conveys this:

     “I dreamed I was born and grew up and was a pilot on the Mississippi
     and a miner and a journalist in Nevada and a pilgrim in the Quaker
     City, and had a wife and children and went to live in a villa at
     Florence—and this dream goes on and on and sometimes seems so real
     that I almost believe it is real.  I wonder if it is?  But there is
     no way to tell, for if one applies tests they would be part of the
     dream, too, and so would simply aid the deceit.  I wish I knew
     whether it is a dream or real.”

     He saw Warner, briefly, in America; also Howells, now living in New
     York, but he had little time for visiting.  On May 13th he sailed
     again for Europe on the Kaiser Wilhelm II.  On the night before
     sailing he sent Howells a good-by word.
     Clemens arrived in New York on April 3rd and took a trip to Chicago, but achieved nothing except visiting the World's Fair and getting sidelined with a nasty cold. The situation with the machinery had not improved. The financial crisis of 1893 had brought everything to a halt. The New York bank refused to lend any more money to Webster & Co. His circumstances were so troubled and everything felt so chaotic that he sometimes felt like he was walking through a dream. A snippet from a letter to Mrs. Crane captures this:

     “I dreamed I was born and grew up to be a pilot on the Mississippi, a miner, and a journalist in Nevada, a pilgrim in the Quaker City, and that I had a wife and kids and moved to a villa in Florence—and this dream just keeps going, sometimes feeling so real that I almost believe it’s real. I wonder if it is? But there’s no way to know, because if you try to test it, those tests would just become part of the dream too, and would only contribute to the illusion. I wish I knew whether it’s a dream or real.”

     He saw Warner for a short time while in America, and also Howells, who was now living in New York, but he didn’t have much time for visits. On May 13th, he set sail for Europe again on the Kaiser Wilhelm II. The night before his departure, he sent Howells a farewell message.










To W. D. Howells, in New York City:

To W. D. Howells, in New York City:

                              MURRAY HILL HOTEL, NEW YORE, May 12, 1893.

                                                            Midnight.
                              MURRAY HILL HOTEL, NEW YORK, May 12, 1893.

                                                            Midnight.

DEAR HOWELLS—I am so sorry I missed you.

DEAR HOWELLS—I’m really sorry I missed you.

I am very glad to have that book for sea entertainment, and I thank you ever so much for it.

I’m really glad to have that book for beach reading, and I thank you so much for it.

I've had a little visit with Warner at last; I was getting afraid I wasn't going to have a chance to see him at all. I forgot to tell you how thoroughly I enjoyed your account of the country printing office, and how true it all was and how intimately recognizable in all its details. But Warner was full of delight over it, and that reminded me, and I am glad, for I wanted to speak of it.

I've finally had a chance to visit Warner; I was starting to worry that I wouldn’t get to see him at all. I forgot to tell you how much I enjoyed your description of the country printing office, and how accurate it was and how familiar all the details felt. Warner was really thrilled about it, which reminded me, and I'm glad, because I wanted to mention it.

You have given me a book; Annie Trumbull has sent me her book; I bought a couple of books; Mr. Hall gave me a choice German book; Laflan gave me two bottles of whisky and a box of cigars—I go to sea nobly equipped.

You’ve given me a book; Annie Trumbull sent me her book; I bought a couple of books; Mr. Hall gave me a great German book; Laflan gave me two bottles of whiskey and a box of cigars—I’m all set for the sea.

Good-bye and all good fortune attend you and yours—and upon you all I leave my benediction.

Goodbye, and I wish you and your loved ones all the best. I leave you with my blessings.

                              MARK.
MARK.
     Mention has already been made of the Ross home being very near to
     Viviani, and the association of the Ross and Clemens families.
     There was a fine vegetable garden on the Ross estate, and it was in
     the interest of it that the next letter was written to the Secretary
     of Agriculture.
     Mention has already been made of the Ross home being very close to
     Viviani, and the connection between the Ross and Clemens families.
     There was a great vegetable garden on the Ross property, and it was
     regarding this that the next letter was written to the Secretary
     of Agriculture.










To Hon. J. Sterling Morton, in Washington, D. C.: Editorial Department Century Magazine, Union Square,

To Hon. J. Sterling Morton, in Washington, D. C.: Editorial Department Century Magazine, Union Square,

                                             NEW YORK, April 6, 1893.
NEW YORK, April 6, 1893.

TO THE HON. J. STERLING MORTON,—Dear Sir: Your petitioner, Mark Twain, a poor farmer of Connecticut—indeed, the poorest one there, in the opinion of many-desires a few choice breeds of seed corn (maize), and in return will zealously support the Administration in all ways honorable and otherwise.

TO THE HON. J. STERLING MORTON,—Dear Sir: Your petitioner, Mark Twain, a struggling farmer from Connecticut—arguably the most impoverished one there, according to many—requests a few select varieties of seed corn (maize) and promises to wholeheartedly support the Administration in every honorable way and beyond.

To speak by the card, I want these things to hurry to Italy to an English lady. She is a neighbor of mine outside of Florence, and has a great garden and thinks she could raise corn for her table if she had the right ammunition. I myself feel a warm interest in this enterprise, both on patriotic grounds and because I have a key to that garden, which I got made from a wax impression. It is not very good soil, still I think she can grow enough for one table and I am in a position to select the table. If you are willing to aid and abet a countryman (and Gilder thinks you are,) please find the signature and address of your petitioner below.

To get straight to the point, I want these things sent quickly to an English lady in Italy. She lives near me outside of Florence, has a big garden, and believes she could grow corn for her meals if she had the right supplies. I’m personally invested in this project, both for patriotic reasons and because I have a key to that garden, which I made from a wax impression. The soil isn't the best, but I think she can grow enough for one table, and I can choose which table that will be. If you're willing to help out a fellow countryman (and Gilder thinks you are), please find my signature and address below.

Respectfully and truly yours.

Sincerely yours.

                              MARK TWAIN,
MARK TWAIN,

67 Fifth Avenue, New York.

67 5th Ave, New York.

P. S.—A handful of choice (Southern) watermelon seeds would pleasantly add to that lady's employments and give my table a corresponding lift.

P. S.—A few selected (Southern) watermelon seeds would nicely enhance that lady's activities and give my table a similar boost.

     His idea of business values had moderated considerably by the time
     he had returned to Florence.  He was not hopeless yet, but he was
     clearly a good deal disheartened—anxious for freedom.
     His view of business values had softened significantly by the time he returned to Florence. He wasn't completely hopeless yet, but he was clearly feeling pretty discouraged—eager for freedom.










To Fred J. Hall, in New York:

To Fred J. Hall, in New York:

                                                  FLORENCE May 30, '93
FLORENCE May 30, 1993

DEAR MR. HALL,—You were to cable me if you sold any machine royalties—so I judge you have not succeeded.

DEAR MR. HALL,—You were supposed to message me if you sold any machine royalties—so I take it you haven’t had any success.

This has depressed me. I have been looking over the past year's letters and statements and am depressed still more.

This has really gotten me down. I've been going through last year's letters and statements, and it's making me feel even worse.

I am terribly tired of business. I am by nature and disposition unfitted for it and I want to get out of it. I am standing on the Mount Morris volcano with help from the machine a long way off—doubtless a long way further off than the Connecticut Co. imagines.

I am so tired of business. I'm not cut out for it, and I just want to be done with it. I feel like I'm standing on the Mount Morris volcano with help from the machine far away—probably much further away than the Connecticut Co. thinks.

Now here is my idea for getting out.

Now here’s my plan for escaping.

The firm owes Mrs. Clemens and me—I do not know quite how much, but it is about $170,000 or $175,000, I suppose (I make this guess from the documents here, whose technicalities confuse me horribly.)

The company owes Mrs. Clemens and me—I’m not exactly sure how much, but it’s around $170,000 or $175,000, I think (I’m making this estimate based on the documents here, which are really confusing to me.)

The firm owes other sums, but there is stock and cash assets to cover the entire indebtedness and $116,679.20 over. Is that it? In addition we have the L. A. L. plates and copyright, worth more than $130,000—is that correct?

The company has other debts, but there are stocks and cash assets that cover the entire amount owed and leave $116,679.20 extra. Is that right? Additionally, we have the L. A. L. plates and copyright, valued at over $130,000—am I correct?

That is to say, we have property worth about $250,000 above indebtedness, I suppose—or, by one of your estimates, $300,000? The greater part of the first debts to me is in notes paying 6 percent. The rest (the old $70,000 or whatever it is) pays no interest.

That means we have property valued at around $250,000 over what we owe, I guess—or, according to one of your calculations, $300,000? Most of the initial debts are in notes with a 6 percent interest rate. The rest (the old $70,000 or however much it is) doesn’t accrue any interest.

Now then, will Harper or Appleton, or Putnam give me $200,000 for those debts and my two-thirds interest in the firm? (The firm of course taking the Mount Morris and all such obligations off my hands and leaving me clear of all responsibility.)

Now, will Harper, Appleton, or Putnam give me $200,000 to cover those debts and my two-thirds share in the company? (The company would take on the Mount Morris and all those obligations, freeing me from any responsibility.)

I don't want much money. I only want first class notes—$200,000 worth of them at 6 per cent, payable monthly;—yearly notes, renewable annually for 3 years, with $5,000 of the principal payable at the beginning and middle of each year. After that, the notes renewable annually and (perhaps) a larger part of the principal payable semi-annually.

I don't need a lot of money. I just want first-class notes—$200,000 worth, at 6 percent, payable monthly; yearly notes, renewable each year for 3 years, with $5,000 of the principal due at the start and halfway through each year. After that, the notes will be renewable annually and (maybe) a larger portion of the principal paid out every six months.

Please advise me and suggest alterations and emendations of the above scheme, for I need that sort of help, being ignorant of business and not able to learn a single detail of it.

Please let me know your thoughts and suggest any changes or improvements to the plan above, as I really need that kind of help since I'm not familiar with business and can't grasp any of the details.

Such a deal would make it easy for a big firm to pour in a big cash capital and jump L. A. L. up to enormous prosperity. Then your one-third would be a fortune—and I hope to see that day!

Such a deal would allow a large company to invest a significant amount of cash and boost L. A. L. to great success. Then your one-third would be worth a fortune—and I hope to see that day!

I enclose an authority to use with Whitmore in case you have sold any royalties. But if you can't make this deal don't make any. Wait a little and see if you can't make the deal. Do make the deal if you possibly can. And if any presence shall be necessary in order to complete it I will come over, though I hope it can be done without that.

I’m including a authorization to use with Whitmore in case you’ve sold any royalties. But if you can’t make this deal, don’t push it. Wait a bit and see if you can make it happen. Do go through with the deal if you can. And if any presence is needed to finalize it, I’ll come over, though I hope it can be done without that.

Get me out of business!

Get me out of here!

And I will be yours forever gratefully,

And I will be yours forever, and I appreciate it.

                                   S. L. CLEMENS.
Mark Twain.

My idea is, that I am offering my 2/3 of L. A. L. and the business for thirty or forty thousand dollars. Is that it?

My plan is to sell my two-thirds of L.A.L. and the business for thirty or forty thousand dollars. Is that right?

P. S. S. The new firm could retain my books and reduce them to a 10 percent royalty.

P.S.S. The new company could keep my books and lower the royalty to 10 percent.

                                    S. L. C.
S.L.C.










To Rev. Jos. H. Twichell, in Hartford:

To Rev. Jos. H. Twichell, in Hartford:

                              VILLA VIVIANI, SETTIGNANO (FLORENCE)

                                                       June 9, '93.
                              VILLA VIVIANI, SETTIGNANO (FLORENCE)

                                                       June 9, '93.

DEAR JOE,—The sea voyage set me up and I reached here May 27 in tolerable condition—nothing left but weakness, cough all gone.

DEAR JOE,—The sea voyage did me good, and I arrived here on May 27 in decent shape—just feeling weak, but the cough is completely gone.

Old Sir Henry Layard was here the other day, visiting our neighbor Janet Ross, daughter of Lady Duff Gordon, and since then I have been reading his account of the adventures of his youth in the far East. In a footnote he has something to say about a sailor which I thought might interest you—viz:

Old Sir Henry Layard was here the other day, visiting our neighbor Janet Ross, daughter of Lady Duff Gordon, and since then I have been reading his account of the adventures of his youth in the far East. In a footnote, he mentions a sailor that I thought you might find interesting—namely:

“This same quartermaster was celebrated among the English in Mesopotamia for an entry which he made in his log-book-after a perilous storm; 'The windy and watery elements raged. Tears and prayers was had recourse to, but was of no manner of use. So we hauled up the anchor and got round the point.'”

“This same quartermaster was well-known among the English in Mesopotamia for an entry he made in his logbook after a dangerous storm: 'The windy and watery elements raged. Tears and prayers were used, but were of no help. So we pulled up the anchor and moved around the point.'”

There—it isn't Ned Wakeman; it was before his day.

There—it isn't Ned Wakeman; it was before his time.

               With love,
                         MARK.
Love,  
                         MARK.
     They closed Villa Viviani in June and near the end of the month
     arrived in Munich in order that Mrs. Clemens might visit some of the
     German baths.  The next letter is written by her and shows her deep
     sympathy with Hall in his desperate struggle.  There have been few
     more unselfish and courageous women in history than Mark Twain's
     wife.
     They closed Villa Viviani in June, and by the end of the month, they arrived in Munich so Mrs. Clemens could visit some of the German baths. The next letter is written by her and shows her deep empathy for Hall in his desperate struggle. There have been few women in history more selfless and brave than Mark Twain's wife.










From Mrs. Clemens to Mr. Hall, in New York:

From Mrs. Clemens to Mr. Hall, in New York:

                                                  June 27th 1893

                                                  MUNICH.
June 27, 1893

                                                  MUNICH.

DEAR MR. HALL,—Your letter to Mr. Clemens of June 16th has just reached here; as he has gone to Berlin for Clara I am going to send you just a line in answer to it.

DEAR MR. HALL,—I just received your letter to Mr. Clemens dated June 16th. Since he’s gone to Berlin for Clara, I’m sending you a quick note in response.

Mr. Clemens did not realize what trouble you would be in when his letter should reach you or he would not have sent it just then. I hope you will not worry any more than you can help. Do not let our interests weigh on you too heavily. We both know you will, as you always have, look in every way to the best interests of all.

Mr. Clemens didn’t understand how much trouble you’d be in when you got his letter, or he wouldn’t have sent it at that moment. I hope you don’t worry more than necessary. Don’t let our concerns burden you too much. We both know that you will, as you always have, look out for everyone’s best interests.

I think Mr. Clemens is right in feeling that he should get out of business, that he is not fitted for it; it worries him too much.

I believe Mr. Clemens is correct in thinking that he should exit the business because it's not suited for him; it stresses him out too much.

But he need be in no haste about it, and of course, it would be the very farthest from his desire to imperil, in the slightest degree, your interests in order to save his own.

But he doesn't need to rush, and of course, it would be the last thing he wants to do to jeopardize your interests even a little bit to save his own.

I am sure that I voice his wish as well as mine when I say that he would simply like you to bear in mind the fact that he greatly desires to be released from his present anxiety and worry, at a time when it shall not endanger your interest or the safety of the business.

I’m sure I express both his and my wish when I say that he would like you to keep in mind that he really wants to be free from his current anxiety and worry, at a time that won’t jeopardize your interests or the safety of the business.

I am more sorry than I can express that this letter of Mr. Clemens' should have reached you when you were struggling under such terrible pressure. I hope now that the weight is not quite so heavy. He would not have written you about the money if he had known that it was an inconvenience for you to send it. He thought the book-keeper whose duty it is to forward it had forgotten.

I’m really sorry that Mr. Clemens' letter arrived when you were dealing with so much stress. I hope things have eased up a bit now. He wouldn't have brought up the money if he had known it was a hassle for you to send it. He just assumed that the bookkeeper responsible for sending it had forgotten.

We can draw on Mr. Langdon for money for a few weeks until things are a little easier with you. As Mr. Clemens wrote you we would say “do not send us any more money at present” if we were not afraid to do so. I will say, however, do not trouble yourself if for a few weeks you are not able to send the usual amount.

We can rely on Mr. Langdon for some money for a few weeks until things get a bit easier for you. As Mr. Clemens wrote to you, we would say, “don’t send us any more money right now” if we weren't afraid to say it. That said, don’t worry if you can’t send the usual amount for a few weeks.

Mr. Clemens and I have the greatest possible desire, not to increase in any way your burdens, and sincerely wish we might aid you.

Mr. Clemens and I really want to avoid adding to your burdens in any way, and we genuinely hope we can help you.

I trust my brother may be able, in his talk with you, to throw some helpful light on the situation.

I hope my brother can provide some helpful insight into the situation during your conversation.

Hoping you will see a change for the better and begin to reap the fruit of your long and hard labor.

Hoping you will notice a positive change and start to enjoy the rewards of your long and hard work.

               Believe me
                    Very Cordially yours
                              OLIVIA L. CLEMENS.
               Trust me  
                    Warm regards  
                              OLIVIA L. CLEMENS.

Hall, naturally, did not wish to be left alone with the business. He realized that his credit would suffer, both at the bank and with the public, if his distinguished partner should retire. He wrote, therefore, proposing as an alternate that they dispose of the big subscription set that was swamping them. It was a good plan—if it would work—and we find Clemens entering into it heartily.

Hall, of course, didn’t want to be left to handle the business by himself. He understood that his reputation would take a hit, both with the bank and the public, if his esteemed partner decided to leave. So, he wrote a proposal suggesting they sell off the large subscription set that was overwhelming them. It was a solid plan—if it could be pulled off—and we see Clemens fully on board with it.










To Fred J. Hall, in New York:

To Fred J. Hall, in New York:

                                             MUNICH, July 3, '93.
MUNICH, July 3, 1993.

DEAR MR. HALL,—You make a suggestion which has once or twice flitted dimly through my mind heretofore to wit, sell L. A. L.

DEAR MR. HALL,—You’ve made a suggestion that has crossed my mind once or twice before: selling L. A. L.

I like that better than the other scheme, for it is no doubt feasible, whereas the other is perhaps not.

I prefer that to the other plan because it’s definitely doable, while the other one might not be.

The firm is in debt, but L. A. L. is free—and not only free but has large money owing to it. A proposition to sell that by itself to a big house could be made without embarrassment we merely confess that we cannot spare capital from the rest of the business to run it on the huge scale necessary to make it an opulent success.

The company is in debt, but L. A. L. is in the clear—and not just free but has a significant amount of money owed to it. We could propose selling that alone to a big firm without any hesitation; we just admit that we can’t divert capital from the rest of the business to operate it on the large scale needed to turn it into a big success.

It will be selling a good thing—for somebody; and it will be getting rid of a load which we are clearly not able to carry. Whoever buys will have a noble good opening—a complete equipment, a well organized business, a capable and experienced manager, and enterprise not experimental but under full sail, and immediately able to pay 50 per cent a year on every dollar the publisher shall actually invest in it—I mean in making and selling the books.

It will be selling something valuable—for someone; and it will be getting rid of a burden that we clearly can't manage. Whoever purchases it will have a fantastic opportunity—a complete setup, a well-organized business, a skilled and experienced manager, and an enterprise that's not a trial run but fully operational, instantly able to pay 50 percent a year on every dollar the publisher invests in it—I mean in producing and selling the books.

I am miserably sorry to be adding bothers and torments to the over-supply which you already have in these hideous times, but I feel so troubled, myself, considering the dreary fact that we are getting deeper and deeper in debt and the L. A. L. getting to be a heavier and heavier burden all the time, that I must bestir myself and seek a way of relief.

I’m really sorry to add more stress and problems to the overwhelming amount you’re already dealing with during these awful times, but I’m feeling so anxious about the grim reality that we’re falling deeper into debt and the L. A. L. is becoming a heavier and heavier burden all the time. I have to take action and find a way to get some relief.

It did not occur to me that in selling out I would injure you—for that I am not going to do. But to sell L. A. L. will not injure you it will put you in better shape.

It didn’t cross my mind that selling out would hurt you—because I won’t do that. But selling L. A. L. won’t hurt you; it will actually put you in a better position.

               Sincerely Yours
                         S. L. CLEMENS.
Sincerely,  
                     S. L. CLEMENS.










To Fred J. Hall, in New York:

To Fred J. Hall, in New York:

                                                  July 8, '92.
July 8, 1992.

DEAR MR. HALL,—I am sincerely glad you are going to sell L. A. L. I am glad you are shutting off the agents, and I hope the fatal book will be out of our hands before it will be time to put them on again. With nothing but our non-existent capital to work with the book has no value for us, rich a prize as it will be to any competent house that gets it.

DEAR MR. HALL,—I’m really glad you’re planning to sell L. A. L. I’m happy you’re cutting off the agents, and I hope the problematic book will be out of our hands before we need to involve them again. With only our nonexistent capital to work with, the book has no value for us, even though it will be a great opportunity for any capable publisher that gets it.

I hope you are making an effort to sell before you discharge too many agents, for I suppose the agents are a valuable part of the property.

I hope you're trying to sell before letting go of too many agents, since I assume the agents are an important part of the property.

We have been stopping in Munich for awhile, but we shall make a break for some country resort in a few days now.

We’ve been hanging out in Munich for a bit, but we’re planning to head to a countryside resort in a few days.

                         Sincerely Yours
                                   S. L. C.

                                                            July 8
                         Sincerely,
                                   S. L. C.

                                                            July 8

P. S. No, I suppose I am wrong in suggesting that you wait a moment before discharging your L. A. L. agents—in fact I didn't mean that. I judge your only hope of salvation is in discharging them all at once, since it is their commissions that threaten to swamp us. It is they who have eaten up the $14,000 I left with you in such a brief time, no doubt.

P. S. No, I guess I was mistaken in suggesting you hold off for a moment before letting go of your L. A. L. agents—in fact, that wasn't my intention. I believe your only chance of getting out of this mess is to fire them all at once, since their fees are what threaten to drown us. They are the ones who have burned through the $14,000 I gave you in such a short period, no doubt.

I feel panicky.

I'm feeling anxious.

I think the sale might be made with better advantage, however, now, than later when the agents have got out of the purchaser's reach.

I believe the sale could be made more effectively now rather than later when the agents are out of the buyer's reach.

                                   S. L. C.
S.L.C.

P. S. No monthly report for many months.

P.S. No monthly report for several months.

     Those who are old enough to remember the summer of 1893 may recall
     it as a black financial season.  Banks were denying credit,
     businesses were forced to the wall.  It was a poor time to float any
     costly enterprise.  The Chicago company who was trying to build the
     machines made little progress.  The book business everywhere was
     bad.  In a brief note following the foregoing letters Clemens wrote
     Hall:

     “It is now past the middle of July and no cablegram to say the
     machine is finished.  We are afraid you are having miserable days
     and worried nights, and we sincerely wish we could relieve you, but
     it is all black with us and we don't know any helpful thing to say
     or do.”

     He inclosed some kind of manuscript proposition for John Brisben
     Walker, of the Cosmopolitan, with the comment: “It is my ingenious
     scheme to protect the family against the alms-house for one more
     year—and after that—well, goodness knows!  I have never felt so
     desperate in my life—and good reason, for I haven't got a penny to
     my name, and Mrs. Clemens hasn't enough laid up with Langdon to keep
     us two months.”

     It was like Mark Twain, in the midst of all this turmoil, to project
     an entirely new enterprise; his busy mind was always visioning
     success in unusual undertakings, regardless of immediate conditions
     and the steps necessary to achievement.
     Those who are old enough to remember the summer of 1893 might recall it as a dark financial period. Banks were refusing credit, and businesses were struggling. It was a bad time to start any expensive venture. The Chicago company trying to build the machines made little progress. The publishing industry everywhere was suffering. In a short note following the earlier letters, Clemens wrote to Hall:

     “It’s now past the middle of July and we haven’t received a cable to say the machine is finished. We’re worried that you’re having tough days and restless nights, and we really wish we could help you, but things are looking grim for us and we don’t know what else to say or do.”

     He enclosed some kind of manuscript proposal for John Brisben Walker of the Cosmopolitan, with the comment: “It’s my clever plan to keep the family out of the poorhouse for one more year—and after that—well, who knows! I’ve never felt so desperate in my life—and there’s a good reason for that, since I don’t have a dime to my name, and Mrs. Clemens doesn’t have enough saved with Langdon to support us for two months.”

     It was typical of Mark Twain, amidst all this chaos, to think of an entirely new venture; his active mind was always imagining success in unconventional projects, regardless of current conditions or the steps needed to achieve them.










To Fred J. Hall, in New York:

To Fred J. Hall, in New York:

                                                       July 26, '93.
July 26, 1993.

DEAR MR. HALL,—..... I hope the machine will be finished this month; but it took me four years and cost me $100,000 to finish the other machine after it was apparently entirely complete and setting type like a house-afire.

DEAR MR. HALL,—..... I hope the machine will be done this month; but it took me four years and cost $100,000 to finish the other machine after it seemed completely ready and was setting type like crazy.

I wonder what they call “finished.” After it is absolutely perfect it can't go into a printing-office until it has had a month's wear, running night and day, to get the bearings smooth, I judge.

I wonder what they call “finished.” Once it's completely perfect, it can't go to a printing press until it's been used for a month, running night and day, to smooth out the details, I guess.

I may be able to run over about mid-October. Then if I find you relieved of L. A. L. we will start a magazine inexpensive, and of an entirely unique sort. Arthur Stedman and his father editors of it. Arthur could do all the work, merely submitting it to his father for approval.

I might be able to swing by around mid-October. If I see that you’re done with L. A. L., we can start a budget-friendly magazine that's totally one-of-a-kind. Arthur Stedman and his dad will be the editors. Arthur can handle all the work and just submit it to his dad for approval.

The first number should pay—and all subsequent ones—25 cents a number. Cost of first number (20,000 copies) $2,000. Give most of them away, sell the rest. Advertising and other expenses—cost unknown. Send one to all newspapers—it would get a notice—favorable, too.

The first number should cost—and all following ones—25 cents each. Cost for the first issue (20,000 copies) is $2,000. Give away most of them, sell the rest. Advertising and other expenses—cost not determined. Send one to every newspaper—it would receive a mention—positive, too.

But we cannot undertake it until L. A. L, is out of the way. With our hands free and some capital to spare, we could make it hum.

But we can’t take it on until L. A. L. is out of the way. Once we have our hands free and some extra cash, we could really make it work.

Where is the Shelley article? If you have it on hand, keep it and I will presently tell you what to do with it.

Where's the Shelley article? If you've got it handy, hold onto it, and I'll let you know what to do with it shortly.

Don't forget to tell me.

Don’t forget to let me know.

                         Yours Sincerely
                                   S. L. C.
Best regards,  
                                   S. L. C.
     The Shelley article mentioned in this letter was the “Defense of
     Harriet Sheller,” one of the very best of his essays.  How he could
     have written this splendid paper at a time of such distraction
     passes comprehension.  Furthermore, it is clear that he had revised,
     indeed rewritten, the long story of Pudd'nhead Wilson.
     The Shelley article mentioned in this letter was the “Defense of Harriet Sheller,” one of his best essays. How he managed to write this amazing paper during such a chaotic time is beyond me. Additionally, it's clear that he had revised, even rewritten, the long story of Pudd'nhead Wilson.










To Fred J. Hall, in New York:

To Fred J. Hall, in New York:

                                                  July 30, '93.
July 30, 1993.

DEAR MR. HALL,—This time “Pudd'nhead Wilson” is a success! Even Mrs. Clemens, the most difficult of critics, confesses it, and without reserves or qualifications. Formerly she would not consent that it be published either before or after my death. I have pulled the twins apart and made two individuals of them; I have sunk them out of sight, they are mere flitting shadows, now, and of no importance; their story has disappeared from the book. Aunt Betsy Hale has vanished wholly, leaving not a trace behind; aunt Patsy Cooper and her daughter Rowena have almost disappeared—they scarcely walk across the stage. The whole story is centered on the murder and the trial; from the first chapter the movement is straight ahead without divergence or side-play to the murder and the trial; everything that is done or said or that happens is a preparation for those events. Therefore, 3 people stand up high, from beginning to end, and only 3—Pudd'nhead, “Tom” Driscoll, and his nigger mother, Roxana; none of the others are important, or get in the way of the story or require the reader's attention. Consequently, the scenes and episodes which were the strength of the book formerly are stronger than ever, now.

DEAR MR. HALL,—This time "Pudd'nhead Wilson" is a hit! Even Mrs. Clemens, the toughest critic, admits it without holding back. In the past, she wouldn’t allow it to be published either before or after my death. I’ve separated the twins and turned them into two distinct individuals; they’ve faded into the background, now just fleeting shadows and of no significance; their storyline has vanished from the book. Aunt Betsy Hale has completely disappeared, leaving no trace behind; Aunt Patsy Cooper and her daughter Rowena have nearly disappeared—they hardly make an appearance. The whole story focuses on the murder and the trial; from the first chapter, the narrative moves straight forward without any detours or distractions leading up to the murder and the trial; everything that’s done, said, or happens serves as a setup for those events. As a result, only three characters stand out from beginning to end—Pudd'nhead, "Tom" Driscoll, and his Black mother, Roxana; none of the others matter, or interfere with the story, or demand the reader's attention. Therefore, the scenes and episodes that were the backbone of the book before are even stronger now.

When I began this final reconstruction the story contained 81,500 words, now it contains only 58,000. I have knocked out everything that delayed the march of the story—even the description of a Mississippi steamboat. There's no weather in, and no scenery—the story is stripped for flight!

When I started this last rewrite, the story had 81,500 words; now it only has 58,000. I removed everything that slowed down the story's progress—even the description of a Mississippi steamboat. There’s no mention of the weather or scenery—it's all streamlined for speed!

Now, then what is she worth? The amount of matter is but 3,000 words short of the American Claimant, for which the syndicate paid $12,500. There was nothing new in that story, but the finger-prints in this one is virgin ground—absolutely fresh, and mighty curious and interesting to everybody.

Now, what is she worth? The content is just 3,000 words short of the American Claimant, which the syndicate bought for $12,500. There wasn't anything new in that story, but the fingerprints in this one are untapped territory—completely fresh and incredibly intriguing to everyone.

I don't want any more syndicating—nothing short of $20,000, anyway, and that I can't get—but won't you see how much the Cosmopolitan will stand?

I don't want to deal with any more syndication—nothing less than $20,000, anyway, and I can't get that—but can you see how much the Cosmopolitan will agree to?

Do your best for me, for I do not sleep these nights, for visions of the poor-house.

Do your best for me, because I can’t sleep these nights, haunted by visions of the poorhouse.

This in spite of the hopeful tone of yours of 11th to Langdon (just received) for in me hope is very nearly expiring. Everything does look so blue, so dismally blue!

This, despite your hopeful tone in the letter to Langdon on the 11th (which I just received), because for me, hope is almost gone. Everything seems so bleak, so incredibly bleak!

By and by I shall take up the Rhone open-boat voyage again, but not now—we are going to be moving around too much. I have torn up some of it, but still have 15,000 words that Mrs. Clemens approves of, and that I like. I may go at it in Paris again next winter, but not unless I know I can write it to suit me.

By and by, I’ll get back to the Rhone open-boat trip, but not right now—we’re going to be too busy moving around. I’ve scrapped some of it, but I still have 15,000 words that Mrs. Clemens likes and that I’m happy with. I might pick it up again in Paris next winter, but only if I know I can write it the way I want.

Otherwise I shall tackle Adam once more, and do him in a kind of a friendly and respectful way that will commend him to the Sunday schools. I've been thinking out his first life-days to-day and framing his childish and ignorant impressions and opinions for him.

Otherwise, I'll take on Adam again, but this time in a friendly and respectful way that will make him appealing to the Sunday schools. I've been reflecting on his early days today and shaping his childish and naive impressions and opinions for him.

Will ship Pudd'nhead in a few days. When you get it cable

Will ship Pudd'nhead in a few days. When you get it, send a message.

                    Mark Twain
                         Care Brownship, London
                                        Received.
                    Mark Twain
                         Care Brownship, London
                                        Received.

I mean to ship “Pudd'nhead Wilson” to you-say, tomorrow. It'll furnish me hash for awhile I reckon. I am almost sorry it is finished; it was good entertainment to work at it, and kept my mind away from things.

I plan to send you “Pudd'nhead Wilson” tomorrow. I think it will keep me busy for a while. I'm almost sad it's done; it was really enjoyable to work on and helped me focus on something else.

We leave here in about ten days, but the doctors have changed our plans again. I think we shall be in Bohemia or thereabouts till near the end of September, then go to Paris and take a rest.

We’re leaving in about ten days, but the doctors have changed our plans again. I think we’ll be in Bohemia or somewhere around there until close to the end of September, then head to Paris to relax.

                         Yours Sincerely
                                        S. L. C.
Best regards  
                                        S. L. C.

P. S. Mrs. Clemens has come in since, and read your letter and is deeply distressed. She thinks that in some letter of mine I must have reproached you. She says it is wonderful that you have kept the ship afloat in this storm that has seen fleets and fleets go down; that from what she learns of the American business-situation from her home letters you have accomplished a marvel in the circumstances, and that she cannot bear to have a word said to you that shall voice anything but praise and the heartiest appreciation—and not the shadow of a reproach will she allow.

P. S. Mrs. Clemens has come in since and read your letter, and she is really upset. She believes that I must have criticized you in some letter of mine. She thinks it’s amazing that you’ve kept the ship afloat during this storm that has sunk so many others; from what she hears about the American business situation in her home letters, you’ve achieved something incredible under the circumstances, and she can’t stand the thought of anyone saying anything to you other than praise and the highest appreciation—and she won’t allow even a hint of criticism.

I tell her I didn't reproach you and never thought of such a thing. And I said I would break open my letter and say so.

I tell her I didn’t blame you and never even thought about it. And I said I would open my letter and say that.

Mrs. Clemens says I must tell you not to send any money for a month or two—so that you may be afforded what little relief is in our power. All right—I'm willing; (this is honest) but I wish Brer Chatto would send along his little yearly contribution. I dropped him a line about another matter a week ago—asked him to subscribe for the Daily News for me—you see I wanted to remind him in a covert way that it was pay-up time—but doubtless I directed the letter to you or some one else, for I don't hear from him and don't get any Daily News either.

Mrs. Clemens says I need to tell you not to send any money for a month or two—so that you can get what little help we can offer. That's fine—I'm okay with that; (this is honest) but I really wish Brer Chatto would send his little annual contribution. I wrote him about another issue a week ago—asked him to subscribe to the Daily News for me—you see I was trying to subtly remind him that it was time to pay up—but I must have sent the letter to you or someone else, because I haven’t heard back from him and I’m not getting any Daily News either.










To Fred J. Hall, in New York:

To Fred J. Hall, in New York:

                                             Aug.  6, '93.
Aug. 6, 1993.

DEAR MR. HALL,—I am very sorry—it was thoughtless in me. Let the reports go. Send me once a month two items, and two only:

DEAR MR. HALL,—I’m really sorry—it was inconsiderate of me. Forget the reports. Just send me two items once a month, and only those two:

Cash liabilities—(so much) Cash assets—(so much)

Cash liabilities—(this amount) Cash assets—(this amount)

I can perceive the condition of the business at a glance, then, and that will be sufficient.

I can see the state of the business at a glance, and that will be enough.

Here we never see a newspaper, but even if we did I could not come anywhere near appreciating or correctly estimating the tempest you have been buffeting your way through—only the man who is in it can do that—but I have tried not to burden you thoughtlessly or wantonly. I have been wrought and unsettled in mind by apprehensions, and that is a thing that is not helpable when one is in a strange land and sees his resources melt down to a two months' supply and can't see any sure daylight beyond. The bloody machine offered but a doubtful outlook—and will still offer nothing much better for a long time to come; for when Davis's “three weeks” is up there's three months' tinkering to follow I guess. That is unquestionably the boss machine of the world, but is the toughest one on prophets, when it is in an incomplete state, that has ever seen the light. Neither Davis nor any other man can foretell with any considerable approach to certainty when it will be ready to get down to actual work in a printing office.

Here, we never see a newspaper, but even if we did, I wouldn’t be able to fully understand or appreciate the storm you’ve been navigating—only someone in it can truly grasp that—but I’ve tried not to burden you thoughtlessly or carelessly. I’ve been anxious and unsettled, which is hard to avoid when you’re in an unfamiliar place and watching your resources dwindle to a two-month supply without any clear end in sight. The damn machine offered a pretty uncertain future—and it won’t get much better for a while; when Davis's “three weeks” is over, I expect there’ll be three months of tinkering to follow. That’s definitely the top machine in the world, but it’s also the hardest one on prophets, especially when it’s still incomplete. Neither Davis nor anyone else can realistically predict when it will be ready to actually operate in a printing office.

                             [No signature.]
[No signature.]
     Three days after the foregoing letter was written he wrote, briefly:

     “Great Scott but it's a long year-for you and me!  I never knew the
     almanac to drag so.  At least since I was finishing that other
     machine.

     “I watch for your letters hungrily—just as I used to watch for the
     cablegram saying the machine's finished; but when 'next week
     certainly' swelled into 'three weeks sure' I recognized the old
     familiar tune I used to hear so much.  Ward don't know what
     sick-heartedness is—but he is in a way to find out.”

     Always the quaint form of his humor, no matter how dark the way.
     We may picture him walking the floor, planning, scheming, and
     smoking—always smoking—trying to find a way out.  It was not the
     kind of scheming that many men have done under the circumstances;
     not scheming to avoid payment of debts, but to pay them.
Three days after that last letter, he wrote briefly:

“Wow, it feels like a long year—for both of us! I’ve never seen the calendar drag like this. At least not since I was finishing that other machine.

“I eagerly watch for your letters—just like I used to wait for the cablegram saying the machine's done; but when 'next week for sure' turned into 'three weeks for sure,' I recognized that old familiar tune I used to hear so often. Ward doesn’t know what it means to feel sick at heart—but he’s about to find out.”

Always with his unique sense of humor, no matter how grim things got. We can imagine him pacing back and forth, planning, scheming, and smoking—always smoking—trying to figure out a way out. It wasn’t the kind of scheming many men would do in his situation; he wasn’t trying to escape paying debts, but rather to fulfill them.










To Fred J. Hall, in New York:

To Fred J. Hall, in New York:

                                                       Aug. 14, '93
Aug 14, 1993

DEAR MR. HALL,—I am very glad indeed if you and Mr. Langdon are able to see any daylight ahead. To me none is visible. I strongly advise that every penny that comes in shall be applied to paying off debts. I may be in error about this, but it seems to me that we have no other course open. We can pay a part of the debts owing to outsiders—none to the Clemenses. In very prosperous times we might regard our stock and copyrights as assets sufficient, with the money owing to us, to square up and quit even, but I suppose we may not hope for such luck in the present condition of things.

DEAR MR. HALL,—I’m really glad you and Mr. Langdon can see some hope ahead. I can't see any myself. I strongly suggest that every penny we receive goes towards paying off our debts. I could be wrong about this, but it seems to me we have no other option. We can settle part of the debts we owe to others—none to the Clemenses. In better times, we might consider our stock and copyrights as assets along with the money owed to us to balance things out, but I guess we can’t expect that kind of luck given the current situation.

What I am mainly hoping for, is to save my royalties. If they come into danger I hope you will cable me, so that I can come over and try to save them, for if they go I am a beggar.

What I'm mainly hoping for is to keep my royalties safe. If they are at risk, I hope you'll message me immediately so I can come over and try to protect them because if I lose them, I'm left with nothing.

I would sail to-day if I had anybody to take charge of my family and help them through the difficult journeys commanded by the doctors. I may be able to sail ten days hence; I hope so, and expect so.

I would set sail today if I had someone to take care of my family and support them through the tough journeys the doctors have ordered. I might be able to leave in ten days; I really hope so and expect it.

We can never resurrect the L. A. L. I would not spend any more money on that book. You spoke, a while back, of trying to start it up again as a preparation to disposing of it, but we are not in shape to venture that, I think. It would require more borrowing, and we must not do that.

We can never bring the L. A. L. back. I wouldn't spend any more money on that book. You mentioned a while ago about trying to relaunch it as a way to get rid of it, but I don't think we're in a position to take that risk. It would require us to borrow more, and we shouldn't do that.

                    Yours Sincerely

                              S. L. C.
Best regards,  

                              S. L. C.

Aug. 16. I have thought, and thought, but I don't seem to arrive in any very definite place. Of course you will not have an instant's safety until the bank debts are paid. There is nothing to be thought of but to hand over every penny as fast as it comes in—and that will be slow enough! Or could you secure them by pledging part of our cash assets and—

Aug. 16. I've been thinking and thinking, but I can't seem to get anywhere specific. Obviously, you won't feel safe for even a second until the bank debts are settled. The only thing we can do is turn over every penny as quickly as it comes in—and that’s going to take time! Or could you protect them by putting up part of our cash assets as collateral and—

I am coming over, just as soon as I can get the family moved and settled.

I’ll be over as soon as I can get my family moved and settled in.

                                             S. L. C.
S.L.C.
     Two weeks following this letter he could endure the suspense no
     longer, and on August 29th sailed once more for America.  In New
     York, Clemens settled down at the Players Club, where he could live
     cheaply, and undertook some literary work while he was casting about
     for ways and means to relieve the financial situation.  Nothing
     promising occurred, until one night at the Murray Hill Hotel he was
     introduced by Dr. Clarence C. Rice to Henry H. Rogers, of the
     Standard Oil group of financiers.  Rogers had a keen sense of humor
     and had always been a great admirer of Mark Twain's work.  It was a
     mirthful evening, and certainly an eventful one in Mark Twain's
     life.  A day or two later Doctor Rice asked the millionaire to
     interest himself a little in Clemens's business affairs, which he
     thought a good deal confused.  Just what happened is not remembered
     now, but from the date of the next letter we realize that a
     discussion of the matter by Clemens and Rogers must have followed
     pretty promptly.
Two weeks after this letter, he couldn't stand the uncertainty any longer, so on August 29th, he sailed back to America. In New York, Clemens checked into the Players Club, where he could live affordably, and took on some writing work while looking for ways to improve his financial situation. Nothing promising happened until one night at the Murray Hill Hotel when Dr. Clarence C. Rice introduced him to Henry H. Rogers from the Standard Oil group of financiers. Rogers had a sharp sense of humor and had always been a big fan of Mark Twain's work. It was a fun evening and definitely a significant moment in Mark Twain's life. A day or two later, Dr. Rice asked the millionaire to get a bit involved in Clemens's business affairs, which he thought were quite confusing. What exactly happened next isn't remembered now, but from the date of the next letter, we can tell that a conversation between Clemens and Rogers must have taken place pretty soon after.










To Mrs. Clemens, in Europe:

To Mrs. Clemens, in Europe:

                                                  Oct. 18, '93.
Oct 18, 1993.

DEAR, DEAR SWEETHEART,—I don't seem to get even half a chance to write you, these last two days, and yet there's lots to say.

DEAR, DEAR SWEETHEART,—I haven’t had even half a chance to write to you these last couple of days, and yet there’s so much to say.

Apparently everything is at last settled as to the giveaway of L. A. L., and the papers will be signed and the transfer made to-morrow morning.

Apparently, everything is finally settled regarding the giveaway of L. A. L., and the papers will be signed and the transfer made tomorrow morning.

Meantime I have got the best and wisest man in the whole Standard Oil group of mufti-millionaires a good deal interested in looking into the type-setter (this is private, don't mention it.) He has been searching into that thing for three weeks, and yesterday he said to me, “I find the machine to be all you represented it—I have here exhaustive reports from my own experts, and I know every detail of its capacity, its immense value, its construction, cost, history, and all about its inventor's character. I know that the New York Co. and the Chicago Co. are both stupid, and that they are unbusinesslike people, destitute of money and in a hopeless boggle.”

In the meantime, I've gotten the best and smartest guy in the entire Standard Oil group of multi-millionaires really interested in checking out the type-setter (this is private, so don’t mention it). He’s been digging into it for three weeks, and yesterday he told me, “I find the machine to be exactly as you described it—I have thorough reports from my own experts, and I’m aware of every detail regarding its capacity, its huge value, its construction, costs, history, and everything about its inventor's character. I know that the New York Company and the Chicago Company are both clueless and that they’re unprofessional, broke, and in a complete mess.”

Then he told me the scheme he had planned, then said: “If I can arrange with these people on this basis—it will take several weeks to find out—I will see to it that they get the money they need. Then the thing will move right along and your royalties will cease to be waste paper. I will post you the minute my scheme fails or succeeds. In the meantime, you stop walking the floor. Go off to the country and try to be gay. You may have to go to walking again, but don't begin till I tell you my scheme has failed.” And he added: “Keep me posted always as to where you are—for if I need you and can use you—I want to know where to put my hand on you.”

Then he shared the plan he had in mind and said, “If I can negotiate with these people based on this, it will take a few weeks to find out. I’ll make sure they get the money they need. After that, things will move quickly and your royalties won’t just be useless paper anymore. I’ll let you know the moment my plan either works or fails. In the meantime, stop stressing out. Head out to the countryside and try to have some fun. You might need to start pacing again, but don’t do it until I tell you my plan has failed.” And he added, “Always keep me updated on where you are, because if I need you and can use you, I want to know where I can reach you.”

If I should even divulge the fact that the Standard Oil is merely talking remotely about going into the type-setter, it would send my royalties up.

If I even mentioned that Standard Oil is just casually considering getting into typesetting, it would increase my royalties.

With worlds and worlds of love and kisses to you all,

With tons of love and kisses to all of you,

                                                       SAML.
SAML.

With so great a burden of care shifted to the broad financial shoulders of H. H. Rogers, Mark Twain's spirits went ballooning, soaring toward the stars. He awoke, too, to some of the social gaieties about him, and found pleasure in the things that in the hour of his gloom had seemed mainly mockery. We find him going to a Sunday evening at Howells's, to John Mackay's, and elsewhere.

With such a huge weight of responsibility taken on by H. H. Rogers, Mark Twain's spirits lifted, shooting up toward the stars. He also began to appreciate some of the social events around him and found joy in things that had seemed mostly like mockery during his darker days. We see him heading to a Sunday evening at Howells's, to John Mackay's, and other places.










To Mrs. Clemens, in Paris:

To Mrs. Clemens in Paris:

                                                       Dec. 2, '93.
Dec. 2, 1993.

LIVY DARLING,—Last night at John Mackay's the dinner consisted of soup, raw oysters, corned beef and cabbage, and something like a custard. I ate without fear or stint, and yet have escaped all suggestion of indigestion. The men present were old gray Pacific-coasters whom I knew when I and they were young and not gray. The talk was of the days when we went gypsying a long time ago—thirty years. Indeed it was a talk of the dead. Mainly that. And of how they looked, and the harum-scarum things they did and said. For there were no cares in that life, no aches and pains, and not time enough in the day (and three-fourths of the night) to work off one's surplus vigor and energy. Of the mid-night highway robbery joke played upon me with revolvers at my head on the windswept and desolate Gold Hill Divide, no witness is left but me, the victim. All the friendly robbers are gone. These old fools last night laughed till they cried over the particulars of that old forgotten crime.

LIVY DARLING,—Last night at John Mackay's, the dinner included soup, raw oysters, corned beef and cabbage, and something that resembled custard. I ate without fear or restraint, and yet I’ve avoided any sign of indigestion. The men there were old gray Pacific-coasters whom I knew back when we were all young and not gray. The conversation turned to the days when we used to wander around aimlessly a long time ago—thirty years. In fact, it was mostly about the past. We reminisced about how things used to be, the crazy things we did and said. Back then, life had no worries, no aches and pains, and we never had enough hours in the day (or three-quarters of the night) to burn off all our energy. As for the midnight highway robbery joke played on me at gunpoint on the windswept and lonely Gold Hill Divide, I’m the only witness left, the victim. All the friendly robbers are gone now. Those old fools last night laughed until they cried over the details of that long-forgotten crime.

John Mackay has no family here but a pet monkey—a most affectionate and winning little devil. But he makes trouble for the servants, for he is full of curiosity and likes to take everything out of the drawers and examine it minutely; and he puts nothing back. The examinations of yesterday count for nothing to-day—he makes a new examination every day. But he injures nothing.

John Mackay has no family here, just a pet monkey—a really sweet and charming little troublemaker. But he creates issues for the staff because he's super curious and loves to pull everything out of the drawers to check it out closely; then he never puts anything back. The stuff he looked at yesterday doesn't matter today—he rediscovers new things every day. But he doesn't break anything.

I went with Laffan to the Racquet Club the other night and played, billiards two hours without starting up any rheumatism. I suppose it was all really taken out of me in Berlin.

I went with Laffan to the Racquet Club the other night and played billiards for two hours without triggering any rheumatism. I guess it was all really worn out of me in Berlin.

Richard Harding Davis spoke yesterday of Clara's impersonations at Mrs. Van Rensselaer's here and said they were a wonderful piece of work.

Richard Harding Davis spoke yesterday about Clara's impersonations at Mrs. Van Rensselaer's and said they were an amazing piece of work.

Livy dear, I do hope you are comfortable, as to quarters and food at the Hotel Brighton. But if you're not don't stay there. Make one more effort—don't give it up. Dear heart, this is from one who loves you—which is Saml.

Livy dear, I really hope you’re comfortable with your room and food at the Hotel Brighton. But if you're not, don't stay there. Keep trying—don’t give up. My dear, this is from someone who loves you—which is Saml.

     It was decided that Rogers and Clemens should make a trip to Chicago
     to investigate personally the type-setter situation there.  Clemens
     reports the details of the excursion to Mrs. Clemens in a long
     subdivided letter, most of which has no general interest and is here
     omitted.  The trip, as a whole, would seem to have been
     satisfactory.  The personal portions of the long Christmas letter
     may properly be preserved.
     It was decided that Rogers and Clemens should take a trip to Chicago to personally look into the typesetter situation there. Clemens shares the details of the trip with Mrs. Clemens in a long, detailed letter, most of which isn't of general interest and is omitted here. Overall, the trip seems to have gone well. The personal parts of the long Christmas letter can be kept.










To Mrs. Clemens, in Paris:

To Mrs. Clemens in Paris:

                                             THE PLAYERS, Xmas, 1893.

                                  No. 1.
                                             THE PLAYERS, Xmas, 1893.

                                  No. 1.

Merry Xmas, my darling, and all my darlings! I arrived from Chicago close upon midnight last night, and wrote and sent down my Christmas cablegram before undressing: “Merry Xmas! Promising progress made in Chicago.” It would get to the telegraph office toward 8 this morning and reach you at luncheon.

Merry Christmas, my love, and all my loves! I got back from Chicago just before midnight last night, and I wrote and sent my Christmas telegram before getting ready for bed: “Merry Christmas! Good progress made in Chicago.” It would arrive at the telegraph office around 8 this morning and reach you by lunchtime.

I was vaguely hoping, all the past week, that my Xmas cablegram would be definite, and make you all jump with jubilation; but the thought always intruded itself, “You are not going out there to negotiate with a man, but with a louse. This makes results uncertain.”

I was kind of hoping all week that my Christmas cable would be clear and make everyone jump for joy; but the thought kept popping up, “You’re not going out there to deal with a man, but with a loser. This makes the outcome uncertain.”

I was asleep as Christmas struck upon the clock at mid night, and didn't wake again till two hours ago. It is now half past 10 Xmas morning; I have had my coffee and bread, and shan't get out of bed till it is time to dress for Mrs. Laflan's Christmas dinner this evening—where I shall meet Bram Stoker and must make sure about that photo with Irving's autograph. I will get the picture and he will attend to the rest. In order to remember and not forget—well, I will go there with my dress coat wrong side out; it will cause remark and then I shall remember.

I was asleep when Christmas hit midnight, and I didn’t wake up until two hours ago. It's now 10:30 on Christmas morning; I've had my coffee and toast, and I won’t get out of bed until it's time to get dressed for Mrs. Laflan's Christmas dinner tonight—where I’ll meet Bram Stoker and need to make sure about that photo with Irving's autograph. I’ll grab the picture and he’ll handle the rest. To make sure I remember and don’t forget—well, I’ll go there with my dress coat inside out; it’ll get some attention, and then I’ll remember.

                               No. 2 and 3.
No. 2 and 3.

I tell you it was interesting! The Chicago campaign, I mean. On the way out Mr. Rogers would plan out the campaign while I walked the floor and smoked and assented. Then he would close it up with a snap and drop it and we would totally change the subject and take up the scenery, etc.

I’m telling you, it was really interesting! The Chicago campaign, I mean. On the way out, Mr. Rogers would outline the campaign while I walked around, smoked, and nodded along. Then he would wrap it up quickly, drop it, and we would completely change the topic and talk about the scenery, etc.

(Here follows the long detailed report of the Chicago conference, of interest only to the parties directly concerned.)

(Here follows the long, detailed report of the Chicago conference, which is only relevant to the parties directly involved.)

                                  No. 4.
No. 4.

We had nice tripe, going and coming. Mr. Rogers had telegraphed the Pennsylvania Railroad for a couple of sections for us in the fast train leaving at 2 p. m. the 22nd. The Vice President telegraphed back that every berth was engaged (which was not true—it goes without saying) but that he was sending his own car for us. It was mighty nice and comfortable. In its parlor it had two sofas, which could become beds at night. It had four comfortably-cushioned cane arm-chairs. It had a very nice bedroom with a wide bed in it; which I said I would take because I believed I was a little wider than Mr. Rogers—which turned out to be true; so I took it. It had a darling back-porch—railed, roofed and roomy; and there we sat, most of the time, and viewed the scenery and talked, for the weather was May weather, and the soft dream-pictures of hill and river and mountain and sky were clear and away beyond anything I have ever seen for exquisiteness and daintiness.

We had a great time traveling back and forth. Mr. Rogers had telegraphed the Pennsylvania Railroad for a couple of sections for us on the fast train leaving at 2 p.m. on the 22nd. The Vice President replied that every berth was booked (which wasn’t true, obviously), but he was sending his own car for us. It was really nice and comfortable. In the parlor, there were two sofas that could turn into beds at night. There were four comfy cane armchairs, too. It had a lovely bedroom with a wide bed, which I claimed because I thought I was a bit wider than Mr. Rogers—which turned out to be true, so I took it. It had a charming back porch—railed, roofed, and spacious; and we spent most of our time there, enjoying the view and chatting, as the weather was perfect for May, and the beautiful scenes of hills, rivers, mountains, and sky were clearer and more exquisite than anything I’ve ever seen.

The colored waiter knew his business, and the colored cook was a finished artist. Breakfasts: coffee with real cream; beefsteaks, sausage, bacon, chops, eggs in various ways, potatoes in various—yes, and quite wonderful baked potatoes, and hot as fire. Dinners—all manner of things, including canvas-back duck, apollinaris, claret, champagne, etc.

The waiter knew his stuff, and the cook was a true pro. Breakfasts included coffee with real cream, beef steaks, sausage, bacon, chops, eggs cooked in different styles, and potatoes in all sorts of ways—plus some amazing hot baked potatoes. Dinners had everything you could imagine, including canvas-back duck, Apollinaris, claret, champagne, and more.

We sat up chatting till midnight, going and coming; seldom read a line, day or night, though we were well fixed with magazines, etc.; then I finished off with a hot Scotch and we went to bed and slept till 9.30 a.m. I honestly tried to pay my share of hotel bills, fees, etc., but I was not allowed—and I knew the reason why, and respected the motive. I will explain when I see you, and then you will understand.

We stayed up talking until midnight, going back and forth; we hardly read anything, day or night, even though we had plenty of magazines, etc. Then I topped it off with a hot Scotch, and we went to bed, sleeping until 9:30 a.m. I genuinely tried to cover my share of the hotel bills and fees, but I wasn’t allowed to—and I understood the reason behind it and respected the intention. I'll explain it when I see you, and then you’ll get it.

We were 25 hours going to Chicago; we were there 24 hours; we were 30 hours returning. Brisk work, but all of it enjoyable. We insisted on leaving the car at Philadelphia so that our waiter and cook (to whom Mr. R. gave $10 apiece,) could have their Christmas-eve at home.

We spent 25 hours traveling to Chicago, stayed for 24 hours, and took 30 hours to come back. It was a busy trip, but we enjoyed every moment. We made sure to leave the car in Philadelphia so that our waiter and cook (who Mr. R. gave $10 each) could celebrate Christmas Eve at home.

Mr. Rogers's carriage was waiting for us in Jersey City and deposited me at the Players. There—that's all. This letter is to make up for the three letterless days. I love you, dear heart, I love you all.

Mr. Rogers's carriage was waiting for us in Jersey City and dropped me off at the Players. That’s it. This letter is to make up for the three days without any letters. I love you, my dear, I love you all.

                                                                 SAML.
SAML (Security Assertion Markup Language).




XXXIV. LETTERS 1894. A WINTER IN NEW YORK. BUSINESS FAILURE. END OF THE MACHINE.

The beginning of the new year found Mark Twain sailing buoyantly on a tide of optimism. He believed that with H. H. Rogers as his financial pilot he could weather safely any storm or stress. He could divert himself, or rest, or work, and consider his business affairs with interest and amusement, instead of with haggard anxiety. He ran over to Hartford to see an amateur play; to Boston to give a charity reading; to Fair Haven to open the library which Mr. Rogers had established there; he attended gay dinners, receptions, and late studio parties, acquiring the name of the “Belle of New York.” In the letters that follow we get the echo of some of these things. The Mrs. Rice mentioned in the next brief letter was the wife of Dr. Clarence C. Rice, who had introduced H. H. Rogers to Mark Twain.

The start of the new year found Mark Twain feeling optimistic. He believed that with H. H. Rogers as his financial guide, he could handle any difficulties that came his way. He could relax, have fun, or work, and view his business matters with interest and humor instead of stress and worry. He traveled to Hartford to see an amateur play, to Boston for a charity reading, and to Fair Haven to open the library that Mr. Rogers had set up there. He attended lively dinners, receptions, and late-night studio parties, earning the nickname “Belle of New York.” In the letters that follow, we get a glimpse of some of these experiences. The Mrs. Rice mentioned in the next brief letter was the wife of Dr. Clarence C. Rice, who had introduced H. H. Rogers to Mark Twain.










To Mrs. Clemens, in Paris:

To Mrs. Clemens in Paris:

                                             Jan. 12, '94
Jan. 12, 1994

Livy darling, I came down from Hartford yesterday with Kipling, and he and Hutton and I had the small smoking compartment to ourselves and found him at last at his ease, and not shy. He was very pleasant company indeed. He is to be in the city a week, and I wish I could invite him to dinner, but it won't do. I should be interrupted by business, of course. The construction of a contract that will suit Paige's lawyer (not Paige) turns out to be very difficult. He is embarrassed by earlier advice to Paige, and hates to retire from it and stultify himself. The negotiations are being conducted, by means of tedious long telegrams and by talks over the long-distance telephone. We keep the wires loaded.

Livy, my dear, I came down from Hartford yesterday with Kipling, and he, Hutton, and I had the small smoking compartment all to ourselves. We finally got him to relax and stop being shy. He was really good company. He'll be in the city for a week, and I wish I could invite him to dinner, but it’s not possible. I’d obviously be interrupted by work. Figuring out a contract that will work for Paige's lawyer (not Paige) is proving to be quite challenging. He’s caught up in past advice given to Paige and is reluctant to backtrack and make himself look bad. The negotiations are dragging on with long, tedious telegrams and conversations over the long-distance phone. We're keeping the lines busy.

Dear me, dinner is ready. So Mrs. Rice says.

Dear me, dinner is ready. That's what Mrs. Rice says.

                         With worlds of love,

                                             SAML.
With lots of love,

                                             SAML.

Clemens and Oliver Wendell Holmes had met and become friends soon after the publication of Innocents Abroad, in 1869. Now, twenty-five years later, we find a record of what without doubt was their last meeting. It occurred at the home of Mrs. James T. Field.

Clemens and Oliver Wendell Holmes met and became friends soon after the release of Innocents Abroad in 1869. Now, twenty-five years later, we see a record of what was undoubtedly their last meeting. It took place at the home of Mrs. James T. Field.










To Mrs. Clemens, in Paris:

To Mrs. Clemens, in Paris:

                                             BOSTON, Jan. 25, '94.
BOSTON, Jan. 25, 1994.

Livy darling, I am caught out worse this time than ever before, in the matter of letters. Tuesday morning I was smart enough to finish and mail my long letter to you before breakfast—for I was suspecting that I would not have another spare moment during the day. It turned out just so.

Livy, sweetheart, I'm more caught out this time than ever regarding letters. On Tuesday morning, I was clever enough to finish and send my long letter to you before breakfast—since I suspected I wouldn’t have another free moment the rest of the day. It turned out just like that.

In a thoughtless moment I agreed to come up here and read for the poor. I did not reflect that it would cost me three days. I could not get released. Yesterday I had myself called at 8 and ran out to Mr. Rogers's house at 9, and talked business until half past 10; then caught 11 o'clock train and arrived here at 6; was shaven and dressed by 7 and ready for dinner here in Mrs. Field's charming house.

In a careless moment, I agreed to come up here and read for the less fortunate. I didn’t think about the fact that it would take me three days. I couldn’t get away. Yesterday, I had myself called at 8 and rushed out to Mr. Rogers's house at 9, where I talked business until 10:30; then I caught the 11 o'clock train and arrived here at 6; I was shaved and dressed by 7 and ready for dinner in Mrs. Field's lovely home.

Dr. Oliver Wendell Holmes never goes out now (he is in his 84th year,) but he came out this time—said he wanted to “have a time” once more with me.

Dr. Oliver Wendell Holmes doesn’t go out anymore (he’s 84 years old), but he came out this time—he said he wanted to “have a time” with me again.

Mrs. Fields said Aldrich begged to come and went away crying because she wouldn't let him. She allowed only her family (Sarah Orne Jewett and sister) to be present, because much company would overtax Dr. Holmes.

Mrs. Fields said Aldrich pleaded to come and left in tears because she wouldn't allow him. She only allowed her family (Sarah Orne Jewett and her sister) to be there, because having too many visitors would be too much for Dr. Holmes.

Well, he was just delightful! He did as brilliant and beautiful talking (and listening) as ever he did in his life, I guess. Fields and Jewett said he hadn't been in such splendid form in years. He had ordered his carriage for 9.

Well, he was just wonderful! He talked and listened as brilliantly and beautifully as he ever had in his life, I guess. Fields and Jewett said he hadn't been in such great shape in years. He had scheduled his carriage for 9.

The coachman sent in for him at 9; but he said, “Oh, nonsense!—leave glories and grandeurs like these? Tell him to go away and come in an hour!”

The coachman came to get him at 9, but he said, “Oh, come on! Why would I leave behind such glory and grandeur? Tell him to go away and come back in an hour!”

At 10 he was called for again, and Mrs. Fields, getting uneasy, rose, but he wouldn't go—and so we rattled ahead the same as ever. Twice more Mrs. Fields rose, but he wouldn't go—and he didn't go till half past 10—an unwarrantable dissipation for him in these days. He was prodigiously complimentary about some of my books, and is having Pudd'nhead read to him. I told him you and I used the Autocrat as a courting book and marked it all through, and that you keep it in the sacred green box with the love letters, and it pleased him.

At 10, he was called again, and Mrs. Fields, feeling anxious, stood up, but he wouldn't leave—and so we continued on just like before. Twice more, Mrs. Fields stood up, but he still wouldn't go—and he didn't leave until half past 10—which was quite a late night for him these days. He was incredibly flattering about some of my books and is having Pudd'nhead read to him. I told him that you and I used the Autocrat as a romance book and marked it all up, and that you keep it in the special green box with the love letters, and that made him happy.

Good-bye, my dear darling, it is 15 minutes to dinner and I'm not dressed yet. I have a reception to-night and will be out very late at that place and at Irving's Theatre where I have a complimentary box. I wish you were all here.

Goodbye, my dear, it's 15 minutes until dinner and I'm not ready yet. I have a reception tonight and will be out very late at that event and at Irving's Theatre where I have a complimentary box. I wish you were all here.

                         SAML.
SAML (Security Assertion Markup Language).
     In the next letter we meet James J. Corbett—“Gentleman Jim,” as he
     was sometimes called—the champion pugilist of that day.

     The Howells incident so amusingly dramatized will perhaps be more
     appreciated if the reader remembers that Mark Twain himself had at
     intervals been a mind-healing enthusiast.  Indeed, in spite of his
     strictures on Mrs. Eddy, his interest in the subject of mind-cure
     continued to the end of his life.
     In the next letter, we meet James J. Corbett—"Gentleman Jim," as he was sometimes called—the champion boxer of that time.

     The Howells incident, which was so humorously dramatized, might be better appreciated if the reader remembers that Mark Twain himself had, at times, been a fan of mind healing. In fact, despite his criticisms of Mrs. Eddy, his interest in mind cure lasted until the end of his life.










To Mrs. Clemens, in Paris:

To Mrs. Clemens, in Paris:

                                                  Sunday, 9.30 a. m.
Sunday, 9:30 AM

Livy dear, when we got out to the house last night, Mrs. Rogers, who is up and around, now, didn't want to go down stairs to dinner, but Mr. R. persuaded her and we had a very good time indeed. By 8 o'clock we were down again and bought a fifteen-dollar box in the Madison Square Garden (Rogers bought it, not I,) then he went and fetched Dr. Rice while I (went) to the Players and picked up two artists—Reid and Simmons—and thus we filled 5 of the 6 seats. There was a vast multitude of people in the brilliant place. Stanford White came along presently and invited me to go to the World-Champion's dressing room, which I was very glad to do. Corbett has a fine face and is modest and diffident, besides being the most perfectly and beautifully constructed human animal in the world. I said:

Livy, when we got to the house last night, Mrs. Rogers, who is up and about now, didn’t want to go downstairs for dinner, but Mr. R. convinced her, and we had a really good time. By 8 o'clock, we were downstairs again and bought a fifteen-dollar box at Madison Square Garden (Mr. Rogers bought it, not me). Then he went and got Dr. Rice while I went to the Players and picked up two artists—Reid and Simmons—and that filled 5 out of the 6 seats. There was a huge crowd at the lively venue. Stanford White came by and invited me to visit the World Champion's dressing room, which I was excited to do. Corbett has a great face and is modest and shy, plus he’s the most perfectly and beautifully built person in the world. I said:

“You have whipped Mitchell, and maybe you will whip Jackson in June—but you are not done, then. You will have to tackle me.”

“You've beaten Mitchell, and maybe you'll beat Jackson in June—but that’s not the end. You’ll have to take me on next.”

He answered, so gravely that one might easily have thought him in earnest:

He replied so seriously that one might easily have believed he was being sincere:

“No—I am not going to meet you in the ring. It is not fair or right to require it. You might chance to knock me out, by no merit of your own, but by a purely accidental blow; and then my reputation would be gone and you would have a double one. You have got fame enough and you ought not to want to take mine away from me.”

“No—I’m not going to meet you in the ring. It’s not fair or right to ask me to do that. You might accidentally knock me out, without anything to prove your skill, and then my reputation would be ruined while you’d gain even more. You already have enough fame, and you shouldn’t want to take mine away from me.”

Corbett was for a long time a clerk in the Nevada Bank in San Francisco.

Corbett worked as a clerk at the Nevada Bank in San Francisco for a long time.

There were lots of little boxing matches, to entertain the crowd: then at last Corbett appeared in the ring and the 8,000 people present went mad with enthusiasm. My two artists went mad about his form. They said they had never seen anything that came reasonably near equaling its perfection except Greek statues, and they didn't surpass it.

There were a bunch of small boxing matches to keep the crowd entertained; then finally, Corbett stepped into the ring, and the 8,000 people there went wild with excitement. My two artists were thrilled with his shape. They said they had never seen anything that even came close to matching its perfection except for Greek statues, and they didn’t surpass it.

Corbett boxed 3 rounds with the middle-weight Australian champion—oh, beautiful to see!—then the show was over and we struggled out through a perfect wash of humanity. When we reached the street I found I had left my arctics in the box. I had to have them, so Simmons said he would go back and get them, and I didn't dissuade him. I couldn't see how he was going to make his way a single yard into that solid oncoming wave of people—yet he must plow through it full 50 yards. He was back with the shoes in 3 minutes!

Corbett boxed three rounds with the middleweight Australian champion—oh, it was beautiful to see!—then the show was over, and we pushed our way through a massive crowd. When we got to the street, I realized I had left my arctics in the box. I needed them, so Simmons said he would go back and grab them, and I didn’t try to stop him. I couldn’t understand how he was going to make it even a step into that solid wave of people—yet he had to push through about 50 yards. He returned with the shoes in three minutes!

How do you reckon he accomplished that miracle? By saying:

How do you think he pulled off that miracle? By saying:

“Way, gentlemen, please—coming to fetch Mr. Corbett's overshoes.”

“Excuse me, gentlemen—I'm here to pick up Mr. Corbett's overshoes.”

The word flew from mouth to mouth, the Red Sea divided, and Simmons walked comfortably through and back, dry shod. Simmons (this was revealed to me under seal of secrecy by Reid) is the hero of “Gwen,” and he and Gwen's author were once engaged to marry. This is “fire-escape” Simmons, the inveterate talker, you know: “Exit—in case of Simmons.”

The word spread quickly from person to person, the Red Sea parted, and Simmons strolled through, completely dry. Simmons (this was shared with me in confidence by Reid) is the hero of “Gwen,” and he and Gwen's author were once engaged. This is “fire-escape” Simmons, the relentless chatterbox, you know: “Exit— in case of Simmons.”

I had an engagement at a beautiful dwelling close to the Players for 10.30; I was there by 10.45. Thirty cultivated and very musical ladies and gentlemen present—all of them acquaintances and many of them personal friends of mine. That wonderful Hungarian Band was there (they charge $500 for an evening.) Conversation and Band until midnight; then a bite of supper; then the company was compactly grouped before me and I told about Dr. B. E. Martin and the etchings, and followed it with the Scotch-Irish Christening. My, but the Martin is a darling story! Next, the head tenor from the Opera sang half a dozen great songs that set the company wild, yes, mad with delight, that nobly handsome young Damrosch accompanying on the piano.

I had an event at a beautiful house near the Players for 10:30; I arrived by 10:45. There were thirty cultured and very musical people there—everyone was an acquaintance, and many were personal friends of mine. That amazing Hungarian band was there (they charge $500 for an evening). We enjoyed conversation and music until midnight; then we had a light supper. After that, the guests gathered around me, and I shared the story about Dr. B. E. Martin and the etchings, followed by the Scotch-Irish christening. Wow, the Martin story is a gem! Next, the lead tenor from the opera sang half a dozen fantastic songs that drove everyone wild with delight, with the incredibly handsome young Damrosch accompanying on the piano.

Just a little pause—then the Band burst out into an explosion of weird and tremendous dance music, a Hungarian celebrity and his wife took the floor—I followed; I couldn't help it; the others drifted in, one by one, and it was Onteora over again.

Just a quick break—then the Band erupted into an intense and amazing dance track, a Hungarian celebrity and his wife hit the dance floor—I followed; I couldn't resist; the others joined in, one by one, and it was Onteora all over again.

By half past 4 I had danced all those people down—and yet was not tired; merely breathless. I was in bed at 5, and asleep in ten minutes. Up at 9 and presently at work on this letter to you. I think I wrote until 2 or half past. Then I walked leisurely out to Mr. Rogers's (it is called 3 miles but it is short of it) arriving at 3.30, but he was out—to return at 5.30—(and a person was in, whom I don't particularly like)—so I didn't stay, but dropped over and chatted with the Howellses until 6.

By 4:30, I had danced with everyone and still wasn’t tired; just a bit breathless. I was in bed by 5 and asleep in ten minutes. I got up at 9 and soon started writing this letter to you. I think I wrote until 2 or maybe 2:30. Then I strolled over to Mr. Rogers’s place (they say it’s 3 miles, but it's actually shorter), arriving at 3:30, but he wasn’t home—he would be back at 5:30—and there was someone there I don’t really like—so I didn't stay, but popped over to chat with the Howells until 6.

First, Howells and I had a chat together. I asked about Mrs. H. He said she was fine, still steadily improving, and nearly back to her old best health. I asked (as if I didn't know):

First, Howells and I had a conversation together. I asked about Mrs. H. He said she was doing well, still steadily getting better, and almost back to her usual good health. I asked (as if I didn't know):

“What do you attribute this strange miracle to?”

“What do you think is causing this strange miracle?”

“Mind-cure—simply mind-cure.”

"Mind cure—just mind cure."

“Lord, what a conversion! You were a scoffer three months ago.”

“Wow, what a change! You were such a skeptic three months ago.”

“I? I wasn't.”

"I? I wasn't."

“You were. You made elaborate fun of me in this very room.”

“You were. You made a big deal out of mocking me right here.”

“I did not, Clemens.”

"I didn't, Clemens."

“It's a lie, Howells, you did.”

“That's a lie, Howells, you did.”

I detailed to him the conversation of that time—with the stately argument furnished by Boyesen in the fact that a patient had actually been killed by a mind-curist; and Howells's own smart remark that when the mind-curist is done with you, you have to call in a “regular” at last because the former can't procure you a burial permit.

I explained to him that conversation from back then, including Boyesen's formal point that a patient was actually killed by a mind-curist; and Howells's clever comment that when the mind-curist finishes with you, you eventually have to bring in a “regular” because the mind-curist can't get you a burial permit.

At last he gave in—he said he remembered that talk, but had now been a mind-curist so long it was difficult for him to realize that he had ever been anything else.

At last he gave in—he said he remembered that conversation, but he had been a mind therapist for so long that it was hard for him to believe he had ever been anything else.

Mrs. H. came skipping in, presently, the very person, to a dot, that she used to be, so many years ago.

Mrs. H. came skipping in, just like she used to, exactly the same as she was many years ago.

Mrs. H. said: “People may call it what they like, but it is just hypnotism, and that's all it is—hypnotism pure and simple. Mind-cure!—the idea! Why, this woman that cured me hasn't got any mind. She's a good creature, but she's dull and dumb and illiterate and—”

Mrs. H. said: “People can call it whatever they want, but it's just hypnotism, plain and simple. Mind-cure!—what a joke! This woman who cured me doesn't have any mind. She's a nice person, but she's dull, uneducated, and—”

“Now Eleanor!”

“Hey Eleanor!”

“I know what I'm talking about!—don't I go there twice a week? And Mr. Clemens, if you could only see her wooden and satisfied face when she snubs me for forgetting myself and showing by a thoughtless remark that to me weather is still weather, instead of being just an abstraction and a superstition—oh, it's the funniest thing you ever saw! A-n-d-when she tilts up her nose-well, it's—it's—Well it's that kind of a nose that—”

“I know what I'm talking about! Don’t I go there twice a week? And Mr. Clemens, if you could only see her wooden and satisfied face when she snubs me for forgetting myself and showing with a thoughtless remark that to me, weather is still weather, instead of just an abstraction and a superstition—oh, it's the funniest thing you ever saw! And when she tilts up her nose—well, it’s—it's—well, it's that kind of a nose that—”

“Now Eleanor!—the woman is not responsible for her nose—” and so-on and so-on. It didn't seem to me that I had any right to be having this feast and you not there.

“Now Eleanor!—she’s not to blame for her nose—” and so on and so on. It didn’t feel right to me to be enjoying this feast without you there.

She convinced me before she got through, that she and William James are right—hypnotism and mind-cure are the same thing; no difference between them. Very well; the very source, the very center of hypnotism is Paris. Dr. Charcot's pupils and disciples are right there and ready to your hand without fetching poor dear old Susy across the stormy sea. Let Mrs. Mackay (to whom I send my best respects), tell you whom to go to to learn all you need to learn and how to proceed. Do, do it, honey. Don't lose a minute.

She convinced me before we finished talking that she and William James are right—hypnotism and mind-cure are the same thing; there’s no difference between them. Well, the very source, the very center of hypnotism is Paris. Dr. Charcot's students and followers are right there, ready for you without having to bring dear old Susy over the stormy sea. Let Mrs. Mackay (whom I send my best wishes to) tell you whom to see to learn everything you need and how to go about it. Please do it, honey. Don’t waste a minute.

.... At 11 o'clock last night Mr. Rogers said:

.... At 11 PM last night, Mr. Rogers said:

“I am able to feel physical fatigue—and I feel it now. You never show any, either in your eyes or your movements; do you ever feel any?”

“I can feel physical tiredness—and I feel it now. You never show any, either in your eyes or in your movements; do you ever feel any?”

I was able to say that I had forgotten what that feeling was like. Don't you remember how almost impossible it was for me to tire myself at the Villa? Well, it is just so in New York. I go to bed unfatigued at 3, I get up fresh and fine six hours later. I believe I have taken only one daylight nap since I have been here.

I can honestly say I forgot what that feeling was like. Don't you remember how nearly impossible it was for me to get tired at the Villa? Well, it’s the same in New York. I go to bed feeling wide awake at 3 AM, and I wake up refreshed six hours later. I think I've only taken one daytime nap since I've been here.

When the anchor is down, then I shall say:

When the anchor is down, then I will say:

“Farewell—a long farewell—to business! I will never touch it again!”

“Goodbye—a long goodbye—to business! I will never engage with it again!”

I will live in literature, I will wallow in it, revel in it, I will swim in ink! Joan of Arc—but all this is premature; the anchor is not down yet.

I will live in literature, I will indulge in it, delight in it, I will swim in ink! Joan of Arc—but all this is too soon; the anchor isn’t down yet.

To-morrow (Tuesday) I will add a P. S. if I've any to add; but, whether or no, I must mail this to morrow, for the mail steamer goes next day.

Tomorrow (Tuesday) I will add a P.S. if I have anything to add; but, whether I do or not, I have to mail this tomorrow because the mail steamer goes the next day.

5.30 p. m. Great Scott, this is Tuesday! I must rush this letter into the mail instantly.

5:30 p.m. Oh no, it’s Tuesday! I need to get this letter in the mail right away.

Tell that sassy Ben I've got her welcome letter, and I'll write her as soon as I get a daylight chance. I've most time at night, but I'd druther write daytimes.

Tell that sassy Ben I’ve got her welcome letter, and I’ll write her as soon as I get a chance during the day. I mostly have time at night, but I’d rather write during the day.

                                             SAML.
SAML.
     The Reid and Simmons mentioned in the foregoing were Robert Reid and
     Edward Simmons, distinguished painter—the latter a brilliant,
     fluent, and industrious talker.  The title; “Fire-escape Simmons,”
      which Clemens gives him, originated when Oliver Herford, whose
     quaint wit has so long delighted New-Yorkers, one day pinned up by
     the back door of the Players the notice: “Exit in case of Simmons.”
      Gwen, a popular novel of that day, was written by Blanche Willis
     Howard.

     “Jamie” Dodge, in the next letter, was the son of Mrs. Mary Mapes
     Dodge, editor of St. Nicholas.
     The Reid and Simmons mentioned earlier were Robert Reid and Edward Simmons, a well-known painter—the latter being a brilliant, smooth, and hardworking conversationalist. The nickname “Fire-escape Simmons,” which Clemens gives him, came about when Oliver Herford, whose unique humor has delighted New Yorkers for so long, one day posted a notice by the back door of the Players that said: “Exit in case of Simmons.” Gwen, a popular novel of that time, was written by Blanche Willis Howard.

     “Jamie” Dodge, in the next letter, was the son of Mrs. Mary Mapes Dodge, the editor of St. Nicholas.










To Clara Clemens, in Paris:

To Clara Clemens, in Paris:

                                   MR. ROGERS'S OFFICE, Feb.  5, '94.
                                   MR. ROGERS'S OFFICE, Feb.  5, '94.

Dear Benny—I was intending to answer your letter to-day, but I am away down town, and will simply whirl together a sentence or two for good-fellowship. I have bought photographs of Coquelin and Jane Hading and will ask them to sign them. I shall meet Coquelin tomorrow night, and if Hading is not present I will send her picture to her by somebody.

Dear Benny—I planned to reply to your letter today, but I'm down in the city, so I’ll just whip up a sentence or two for the sake of friendship. I’ve bought photos of Coquelin and Jane Hading and will ask them to sign them. I’m meeting Coquelin tomorrow night, and if Hading isn’t there, I’ll send her picture to her through someone.

I am to breakfast with Madame Nordica in a few days, and meantime I hope to get a good picture of her to sign. She was of the breakfast company yesterday, but the picture of herself which she signed and gave me does not do her majestic beauty justice.

I’m having breakfast with Madame Nordica in a few days, and in the meantime, I hope to get a nice photo of her to sign. She was part of the breakfast group yesterday, but the photo she signed and gave me doesn’t capture her amazing beauty.

I am too busy to attend to the photo-collecting right, because I have to live up to the name which Jamie Dodge has given me—the “Belle of New York”—and it just keeps me rushing. Yesterday I had engagements to breakfast at noon, dine at 3, and dine again at 7. I got away from the long breakfast at 2 p. m., went and excused myself from the 3 o'clock dinner, then lunched with Mrs. Dodge in 58th street, returned to the Players and dressed, dined out at 9, and was back at Mrs. Dodge's at 10 p. m. where we had magic-lantern views of a superb sort, and a lot of yarns until an hour after midnight, and got to bed at 2 this morning—a good deal of a gain on my recent hours. But I don't get tired; I sleep as sound as a dead person, and always wake up fresh and strong—usually at exactly 9.

I'm way too busy to focus on collecting photos right now because I have to live up to the title Jamie Dodge gave me—the “Belle of New York”—and it just keeps me on the go. Yesterday, I had scheduled a breakfast at noon, dinner at 3, and another dinner at 7. I managed to leave the long breakfast at 2 p.m., skipped the 3 o'clock dinner, then had lunch with Mrs. Dodge on 58th street, went back to the Players to change, had dinner out at 9, and returned to Mrs. Dodge's by 10 p.m. where we enjoyed amazing magic-lantern slides and shared stories until an hour after midnight, finally hitting the hay at 2 this morning—a significant shift from my usual hours. But I don't get tired; I sleep like a log and always wake up refreshed and energized—usually right at 9.

I was at breakfast lately where people of seven separate nationalities sat and the seven languages were going all the time. At my side sat a charming gentleman who was a delightful and active talker, and interesting. He talked glibly to those folks in all those seven languages and still had a language to spare! I wanted to kill him, for very envy.

I recently had breakfast where people from seven different nationalities were sitting, and all seven languages were being spoken constantly. Next to me was a charming guy who was an engaging and lively conversationalist. He easily chatted with those people in all seven languages and still had some left over! I wanted to strangle him out of pure jealousy.

               I greet you with love and kisses.

                                                  PAPA.
               I send you love and hugs.

                                                  DAD.










To Mrs. Clemens, in Paris:

To Mrs. Clemens in Paris:

                                                   Feb.—.
	
Feb.

Livy dear, last night I played billiards with Mr. Rogers until 11, then went to Robert Reid's studio and had a most delightful time until 4 this morning. No ladies were invited this time. Among the people present were—

Livy dear, last night I played billiards with Mr. Rogers until 11, then went to Robert Reid's studio and had an amazing time until 4 this morning. No ladies were invited this time. Among the people present were—

   Coquelin;
   Richard Harding Davis;
   Harrison, the great out-door painter;
   Wm. H. Chase, the artist;
   Bettini, inventor of the new phonograph.
   Nikola Tesla, the world-wide illustrious electrician; see article about
   him in Jan. or Feb. Century.
   John Drew, actor;
   James Barnes, a marvelous mimic; my, you should see him!
   Smedley the artist;
   Zorn the artist;
   Zogbaum the artist;
   Reinhart the artist;
   Metcalf the artist;
   Ancona, head tenor at the Opera;
   Coquelin;  
   Richard Harding Davis;  
   Harrison, the great outdoor painter;  
   Wm. H. Chase, the artist;  
   Bettini, inventor of the new phonograph.  
   Nikola Tesla, the famous inventor; see his article in the January or February issue of Century.  
   John Drew, actor;  
   James Barnes, an amazing mimic; you really should see him!  
   Smedley the artist;  
   Zorn the artist;  
   Zogbaum the artist;  
   Reinhart the artist;  
   Metcalf the artist;  
   Ancona, head tenor at the Opera;  

Oh, a great lot of others. Everybody there had done something and was in his way famous.

Oh, a ton of others. Everyone there had achieved something and was, in their own way, famous.

Somebody welcomed Coquelin in a nice little French speech; John Drew did the like for me in English, and then the fun began. Coquelin did some excellent French monologues—one of them an ungrammatical Englishman telling a colorless historiette in French. It nearly killed the fifteen or twenty people who understood it.

Somebody welcomed Coquelin with a nice little speech in French; John Drew did the same for me in English, and then the fun started. Coquelin performed some great French monologues—one of them featured an ungrammatical Englishman telling a bland little story in French. It almost brought down the fifteen or twenty people who got it.

I told a yarn, Ancona sang half a dozen songs, Barnes did his darling imitations, Harding Davis sang the hanging of Danny Deever, which was of course good, but he followed it with that most fascinating (for what reason I don't know) of all Kipling's poems, “On the Road to Mandalay,” sang it tenderly, and it searched me deeper and charmed me more than the Deever.

I told a story, Ancona sang a few songs, Barnes did his favorite impressions, and Harding Davis performed "The Hanging of Danny Deever," which was great, but then he followed it up with that incredibly captivating (for reasons I can't explain) Kipling poem, “On the Road to Mandalay.” He sang it with such feeling, and it touched me more deeply and enchanted me more than the Deever.

Young Gerrit Smith played some ravishing dance music and we all danced about an hour. There couldn't be a pleasanter night than that one was. Some of those people complained of fatigue but I don't seem to know what the sense of fatigue is.

Young Gerrit Smith played some amazing dance music and we all danced for about an hour. There couldn't have been a more enjoyable night than that one. Some of those people said they were tired, but I don't really understand what feeling tired is.

Coquelin talks quite good English now. He said:

Coquelin speaks pretty good English now. He said:

“I have a brother who has the fine mind—ah, a charming and delicate fancy, and he knows your writings so well, and loves them—and that is the same with me. It will stir him so when I write and tell him I have seen you!”

“I have a brother who has a brilliant mind—oh, a charming and delicate imagination, and he knows your work so well and loves it—and I feel the same way. He'll be so excited when I write to him and tell him I've seen you!”

Wasn't that nice? We talked a good deal together. He is as winning as his own face. But he wouldn't sign that photograph for Clara. “That? No! She shall have a better one. I will send it to you.”

Wasn't that nice? We talked a lot. He's as charming as his own face. But he wouldn't sign that photo for Clara. “That? No! She should have a better one. I'll send it to you.”

He is much driven, and will forget it, but Reid has promised to get the picture for me, and I will try and keep him reminded.

He is very busy and might forget, but Reid has promised to get the picture for me, and I will do my best to remind him.

Oh, dear, my time is all used up and your letters are not answered.

Oh, no, I've run out of time and haven't replied to your letters.

Mama, dear, I don't go everywhere—I decline most things. But there are plenty that I can't well get out of.

Mama, dear, I don’t go everywhere—I turn down most things. But there are plenty that I can’t really avoid.

I will remember what you say and not make my yarning too common.

I will remember what you say and not make my storytelling too frequent.

I am so glad Susy has gone on that trip and that you are trying the electric. May you both prosper. For you are mighty dear to me and in my thoughts always.

I’m really happy that Susy went on that trip and that you’re trying out the electric. I wish both of you all the best. You mean a lot to me, and you’re always on my mind.

                                   SAML.
SAML
     The affairs of the Webster Publishing Company were by this time
     getting into a very serious condition indeed.  The effects of the
     panic of the year before could not be overcome.  Creditors were
     pressing their claims and profits were negligible.  In the following
     letter we get a Mark Twain estimate of the great financier who so
     cheerfully was willing to undertake the solving of Mark Twain's
     financial problems.
     The situation at the Webster Publishing Company had become quite serious by this point. The impact of last year's panic was still being felt. Creditors were demanding payment, and profits were almost nonexistent. In the following letter, we get Mark Twain's thoughts on the great financier who was so enthusiastically willing to take on Mark Twain's financial issues.










To Mrs. Clemens, in Paris:

To Mrs. Clemens in Paris:

                              THE PLAYERS, Feb. 15, '94.  11.30 p. m.
                              THE PLAYERS, Feb. 15, '94.  11:30 p.m.

Livy darling, Yesterday I talked all my various matters over with Mr. Rogers and we decided that it would be safe for me to leave here the 7th of March, in the New York. So his private secretary, Miss Harrison, wrote and ordered a berth for me and then I lost no time in cabling you that I should reach Southampton March 14, and Paris the 15th. Land, but it made my pulses leap, to think I was going to see you again!... One thing at a time. I never fully laid Webster's disastrous condition before Mr. Rogers until to-night after billiards. I did hate to burden his good heart and over-worked head with it, but he took hold with avidity and said it was no burden to work for his friends, but a pleasure. We discussed it from various standpoints, and found it a sufficiently difficult problem to solve; but he thinks that after he has slept upon it and thought it over he will know what to suggest.

Livy, sweetheart, Yesterday I went over all my various issues with Mr. Rogers, and we decided that it would be safe for me to leave here on March 7th for New York. His personal assistant, Miss Harrison, booked a berth for me, and then I quickly sent you a cable saying that I would arrive in Southampton on March 14 and in Paris on the 15th. Just thinking about seeing you again made my heart race! One thing at a time. I didn't fully explain Webster's difficult situation to Mr. Rogers until tonight after billiards. I hated to burden his kind heart and overworked mind with it, but he eagerly took it on and said it was no burden to help his friends; it was a pleasure. We talked about it from different angles and found it to be a pretty tough problem to figure out, but he thinks that after he sleeps on it and gives it some more thought, he will know what to suggest.

You must not think I am ever rude with Mr. Rogers, I am not. He is not common clay, but fine—fine and delicate—and that sort do not call out the coarsenesses that are in my sort. I am never afraid of wounding him; I do not need to watch myself in that matter. The sight of him is peace.

You shouldn't think I'm ever rude to Mr. Rogers; I'm not. He isn't ordinary; he's special—refined and sensitive—and people like him don't provoke the rough side of people like me. I'm never worried about hurting his feelings; I don't have to be cautious in that regard. Just seeing him brings me peace.

He wants to go to Japan—it is his dream; wants to go with me—which means, the two families—and hear no more about business for awhile, and have a rest. And he needs it. But it is like all the dreams of all busy men—fated to remain dreams.

He wants to go to Japan—it's his dream; he wants to go with me—which means both families—and not think about work for a while, and take a break. And he really needs it. But like all the dreams of busy people, it's destined to stay a dream.

You perceive that he is a pleasant text for me. It is easy to write about him. When I arrived in September, lord how black the prospect was—how desperate, how incurably desperate! Webster and Co. had to have a small sum of money or go under at once. I flew to Hartford—to my friends—but they were not moved, not strongly interested, and I was ashamed that I went. It was from Mr. Rogers, a stranger, that I got the money and was by it saved. And then—while still a stranger—he set himself the task of saving my financial life without putting upon me (in his native delicacy) any sense that I was the recipient of a charity, a benevolence—and he has accomplished that task; accomplished it at a cost of three months of wearing and difficult labor. He gave that time to me—time which could not be bought by any man at a hundred thousand dollars a month—no, nor for three times the money.

You see, he’s easy for me to write about. When I got here in September, the situation looked extremely bleak—totally hopeless! Webster and Co. needed a small amount of money or they’d be finished right away. I rushed to Hartford to see my friends, but they didn’t seem to care much, and I felt embarrassed for even asking. It was actually a stranger, Mr. Rogers, who stepped in and lent me the money that saved me. Even as a stranger, he took it upon himself to help me financially without making me feel like I was receiving charity—his approach was so considerate. He managed to help me after three months of intense, difficult work. He dedicated that time to me, time that couldn’t be bought for any amount of money—not even if it was a hundred thousand dollars a month, or three times that amount.

Well, in the midst of that great fight, that long and admirable fight, George Warner came to me and said:

Well, in the middle of that huge battle, that long and impressive battle, George Warner came up to me and said:

“There is a splendid chance open to you. I know a man—a prominent man—who has written a book that will go like wildfire; a book that arraigns the Standard Oil fiends, and gives them unmitigated hell, individual by individual. It is the very book for you to publish; there is a fortune in it, and I can put you in communication with the author.”

“There’s an amazing opportunity available to you. I know a guy—a well-known guy—who has written a book that will take off like crazy; a book that calls out the Standard Oil villains and gives them hell, one by one. It's the perfect book for you to publish; there's a fortune in it, and I can connect you with the author.”

I wanted to say:

I wanted to say:

“The only man I care for in the world; the only man I would give a damn for; the only man who is lavishing his sweat and blood to save me and mine from starvation and shame, is a Standard Oil fiend. If you know me, you know whether I want the book or not.”

“The only man I care about in the world; the only man I would give a damn for; the only man who’s sweating and bleeding to save me and my family from starvation and shame is a Standard Oil jerk. If you know me, you know whether I want the book or not.”

But I didn't say that. I said I didn't want any book; I wanted to get out of the publishing business and out of all business, and was here for that purpose and would accomplish it if I could.

But I didn't say that. I said I didn't want any book; I wanted to get out of the publishing business and out of all business, and I was here for that purpose and would accomplish it if I could.

But there's enough. I shall be asleep by 3, and I don't need much sleep, because I am never drowsy or tired these days. Dear, dear Susy my strength reproaches me when I think of her and you, my darling.

But there's plenty. I’ll be asleep by 3, and I don’t need much sleep because I’m not feeling drowsy or tired these days. Dear, dear Susy, my strength feels guilty when I think of her and you, my darling.

                                        SAML.
SAML.
     But even so able a man as Henry Rogers could not accomplish the
     impossible.  The affairs of the Webster Company were hopeless, the
     business was not worth saving.  By Mr. Rogers's advice an assignment
     was made April, 18, 1894.  After its early spectacular success less
     than ten years had brought the business to failure.  The publication
     of the Grant memoirs had been its only great achievement.

     Clemens would seem to have believed that the business would resume,
     and for a time Rogers appears to have comforted him in his hope, but
     we cannot believe that it long survived.  Young Hall, who had made
     such a struggle for its salvation, was eager to go on, but he must
     presently have seen the futility of any effort in that direction.

     Of course the failure of Mark Twain's firm made a great stir in the
     country, and it is easy to understand that loyal friends would rally
     in his behalf.
     But even such a capable man as Henry Rogers couldn’t achieve the impossible. The situation at the Webster Company was hopeless, and the business wasn’t worth saving. Following Mr. Rogers’s advice, an assignment was made on April 18, 1894. After its initial spectacular success, it took less than ten years for the business to fail. The publication of the Grant memoirs had been its only major accomplishment. 

     Clemens seemed to believe that the business would bounce back, and for a while, Rogers appeared to reassure him in that hope, but we can’t believe that this belief lasted long. Young Hall, who had worked so hard to save it, was eager to continue, but he must have soon realized the futility of any efforts in that direction. 

     Naturally, the failure of Mark Twain’s firm caused a huge stir in the country, and it’s easy to see why loyal friends would rally to support him.










To Mrs. Clemens, in Paris:

To Mrs. Clemens in Paris:

                                                       April 22, '94.
April 22, 1994.

Dear old darling, we all think the creditors are going to allow us to resume business; and if they do we shall pull through and pay the debts. I am prodigiously glad we made an assignment. And also glad that we did not make it sooner. Earlier we should have made a poor showing; but now we shall make a good one.

Dear old darling, we all believe the creditors will let us get back to business; and if they do, we'll manage to pull through and pay off the debts. I'm really happy we made an assignment. I'm also glad we didn't do it sooner. If we had done it earlier, we would have looked bad; but now we’ll make a strong comeback.

I meet flocks of people, and they all shake me cordially by the hand and say “I was so sorry to hear of the assignment, but so glad you did it. It was around, this long time, that the concern was tottering, and all your friends were afraid you would delay the assignment too long.”

I meet groups of people, and they all warmly shake my hand and say, “I was really sorry to hear about the assignment, but I’m so glad you took it on. It’s been a while now that the situation has been shaky, and all your friends were worried you would take too long to complete the assignment.”

John Mackay called yesterday, and said, “Don't let it disturb you, Sam—we all have to do it, at one time or another; it's nothing to be ashamed of.”

John Mackay called yesterday and said, “Don’t let it bother you, Sam—we all have to deal with it at some point; it’s nothing to be embarrassed about.”

One stranger out in New York State sent me a dollar bill and thought he would like to get up a dollar-subscription for me. And Poultney Bigelow's note came promptly, with his check for $1,000. I had been meeting him every day at the Club and liking him better and better all the time. I couldn't take his money, of course, but I thanked him cordially for his good will.

One stranger in New York State sent me a dollar bill and thought he would start a dollar subscription for me. Then, Poultney Bigelow quickly sent a note along with his check for $1,000. I had been seeing him every day at the Club and growing fonder of him all the time. I couldn't accept his money, of course, but I sincerely thanked him for his kindness.

Now and then a good and dear Joe Twichell or Susy Warner condoles with me and says “Cheer up—don't be downhearted,” and some other friend says, “I am glad and surprised to see how cheerful you are and how bravely you stand it”—and none of them suspect what a burden has been lifted from me and how blithe I am inside. Except when I think of you, dear heart—then I am not blithe; for I seem to see you grieving and ashamed, and dreading to look people in the face. For in the thick of the fight there is cheer, but you are far away and cannot hear the drums nor see the wheeling squadrons. You only seem to see rout, retreat, and dishonored colors dragging in the dirt—whereas none of these things exist. There is temporary defeat, but no dishonor—and we will march again. Charley Warner said to-day, “Sho, Livy isn't worrying. So long as she's got you and the children she doesn't care what happens. She knows it isn't her affair.” Which didn't convince me.

Now and then, a good friend like Joe Twichell or Susy Warner reaches out to comfort me and says, “Cheer up—don't be downhearted,” while another friend comments, “I’m glad and surprised to see how cheerful you are and how bravely you’re handling it”—and none of them realize what a weight has been lifted off my shoulders and how happy I truly am inside. Except when I think of you, dear heart—then I can't be cheerful; I envision you feeling sad and ashamed, dreading to face others. In the heat of the battle, there is joy, but you’re far away and can’t hear the drums or see the moving troops. You only seem to see defeat, retreat, and the disrespected flags dragging in the mud—when in reality, none of that is true. There is temporary loss, but no shame—and we will march again. Charley Warner said today, “Oh, Livy isn’t worried. As long as she has you and the kids, she doesn’t care what happens. She knows it isn’t her concern.” That didn’t convince me.

Good bye my darling, I love you and all of the kids—and you can tell Clara I am not a spitting gray kitten.

Goodbye my darling, I love you and the kids—and you can let Clara know I'm not a spitting gray kitten.

                                             SAML.
SAML
     Clemens sailed for Europe as soon as his affairs would permit him
     to go.  He must get settled where he could work comfortably.
     Type-setter prospects seemed promising, but meantime there was
     need of funds.

     He began writing on the ship, as was his habit, and had completed
     his article on Fenimore Cooper by the time he reached London.  In
     August we find him writing to Mr. Rogers from Etretat, a little
     Norman watering-place.
     Clemens sailed for Europe as soon as he could manage it. He needed to find a place where he could work comfortably. The job prospects for typesetters looked good, but in the meantime, he needed some money. 

     He started writing on the ship, as was his usual practice, and finished his article on Fenimore Cooper by the time he arrived in London. In August, we find him writing to Mr. Rogers from Etretat, a small coastal town in Normandy.










To H. H. Rogers, in New York:

To H. H. Rogers, in New York:

                                             ETRETAT, (NORMANDIE)

                                                  CHALET DES ABRIS

                                                       Aug.  25, '94.
                                             ETRETAT, (NORMANDY)

                                                  CHALET DES ABRIS

                                                       Aug. 25, '94.

DEAR MR. ROGERS,—I find the Madam ever so much better in health and strength. The air is superb and soothing and wholesome, and the Chalet is remote from noise and people, and just the place to write in. I shall begin work this afternoon.

DEAR MR. ROGERS,—I see that the Madam is feeling much better in health and strength. The air is amazing, calming, and refreshing, and the Chalet is away from noise and crowds, making it the perfect spot to write. I’ll start working this afternoon.

Mrs. Clemens is in great spirits on, account of the benefit which she has received from the electrical treatment in Paris and is bound to take it up again and continue it all the winter, and of course I am perfectly willing. She requires me to drop the lecture platform out of my mind and go straight ahead with Joan until the book is finished. If I should have to go home for even a week she means to go with me—won't consent to be separated again—but she hopes I won't need to go.

Mrs. Clemens is in great spirits because of the benefits she's gotten from the electrical treatment in Paris, and she’s determined to keep it up all winter, which I'm totally on board with. She wants me to forget about the lecture platform and focus entirely on Joan until the book is finished. If I have to go home for even a week, she plans to go with me—she won't agree to be separated again—but she hopes I won't have to go.

I tell her all right, “I won't go unless you send, and then I must.”

I tell her, "I won’t go unless you send me, and then I have to."

She keeps the accounts; and as she ciphers it we can't get crowded for money for eight months yet. I didn't know that. But I don't know much anyway.

She manages the finances, and as she calculates it, we won’t be short on money for another eight months. I wasn’t aware of that. But honestly, I don’t know much anyway.

                    Sincerely yours,
                                   S. L. CLEMENS.
Best regards,  
                                   S. L. CLEMENS.
     The reader may remember that Clemens had written the first half of
     his Joan of Arc book at the Villa Viviani, in Florence, nearly two
     years before.  He had closed the manuscript then with the taking of
     Orleans, and was by no means sure that he would continue the story
     beyond that point.  Now, however, he was determined to reach the
     tale's tragic conclusion.
     The reader may remember that Clemens wrote the first half of his Joan of Arc book at the Villa Viviani in Florence nearly two years ago. He had finished the manuscript at that point with the capture of Orleans and wasn't sure if he would continue the story past that. However, now he was determined to reach the tale's tragic conclusion.










To H. H. Rogers, in New York:

To H. H. Rogers, in New York:

                                                       ETRETAT,
                                                  Sunday, Sept. 9, '94.
ETRETAT,  
Sunday, Sept. 9, '94.

DEAR MR. ROGERS, I drove the quill too hard, and I broke down—in my head. It has now been three days since I laid up. When I wrote you a week ago I had added 10,000 words or thereabout to Joan. Next day I added 1,500 which was a proper enough day's work though not a full one; but during Tuesday and Wednesday I stacked up an aggregate of 6,000 words—and that was a very large mistake. My head hasn't been worth a cent since.

DEAR MR. ROGERS, I pushed myself too hard, and I broke down—in my mind. It’s been three days since I’ve been out of commission. When I wrote to you a week ago, I had added about 10,000 words to Joan. The next day I added 1,500, which was a decent amount of work, though not a full day’s worth; but on Tuesday and Wednesday, I piled up a total of 6,000 words—and that was a huge mistake. My head hasn’t been worth anything since then.

However, there's a compensation; for in those two days I reached and passed—successfully—a point which I was solicitous about before I ever began the book: viz., the battle of Patay. Because that would naturally be the next to the last chapter of a work consisting of either two books or one. In the one case one goes right along from that point (as I shall do now); in the other he would add a wind-up chapter and make the book consist of Joan's childhood and military career alone.

However, there's a silver lining; during those two days, I reached and successfully passed a point that I was concerned about before I even started the book: the battle of Patay. That would naturally be the second to last chapter of a work made up of either two books or one. In the first scenario, you move straight from that point (as I will do now); in the other, you would add a concluding chapter and the book would only cover Joan's childhood and military career.

I shall resume work to-day; and hereafter I will not go at such an intemperate' rate. My head is pretty cobwebby yet.

I will get back to work today; and from now on, I won’t work at such an extreme pace. My head is still pretty foggy.

I am hoping that along about this time I shall hear that the machine is beginning its test in the Herald office. I shall be very glad indeed to know the result of it. I wish I could be there.

I hope that around this time I'll hear that the machine is starting its test at the Herald office. I would be really happy to know the results. I wish I could be there.

                    Sincerely yours
                              S. L. CLEMENS.
Sincerely,  
                              S. L. CLEMENS.
     Rouen, where Joan met her martyrdom, was only a short distance away,
     and they halted there en route to Paris, where they had arranged to
     spend the winter.  The health of Susy Clemens was not good, and they
     lingered in Rouen while Clemens explored the old city and
     incidentally did some writing of another sort.  In a note to Mr.
     Rogers he said: “To put in my odd time I am writing some articles
     about Paul Bourget and his Outre-Mer chapters—laughing at them and
     at some of our oracular owls who find them important.  What the hell
     makes them important, I should like to know!”

     He was still at Rouen two weeks later and had received encouraging
     news from Rogers concerning the type-setter, which had been placed
     for trial in the office of the Chicago Herald.  Clemens wrote: “I
     can hardly keep from sending a hurrah by cable.  I would certainly
     do it if I wasn't superstitious.”  His restraint, though wise, was
     wasted the end was near.
     Rouen, where Joan met her end, was just a short distance away, and they stopped there on their way to Paris, where they planned to spend the winter. Susy Clemens wasn't feeling well, so they stayed longer in Rouen while Clemens explored the old city and did some writing of another kind. In a note to Mr. Rogers, he said: “To fill my spare time, I’m writing a few articles about Paul Bourget and his Outre-Mer chapters—making fun of them and some of our so-called experts who find them significant. What the heck makes them significant, I'd like to know!”

     He was still in Rouen two weeks later and had received good news from Rogers about the type-setter, which had been placed on trial at the Chicago Herald. Clemens wrote: “I can hardly resist sending a cheer by cable. I definitely would if I weren't superstitious.” His restraint, though wise, was in vain; the end was near.










To H. H. Rogers, in New York:

To H. H. Rogers, in New York:

                                        169 RUE DE L'UNIVERSITE,
                                             PARIS, Dec. 22; '94.
169 RUE DE L'UNIVERSITE,  
PARIS, Dec. 22, '94.

DEAR MR. ROGERS,—I seemed to be entirely expecting your letter, and also prepared and resigned; but Lord, it shows how little we know ourselves and how easily we can deceive ourselves. It hit me like a thunder-clap. It knocked every rag of sense out of my head, and I went flying here and there and yonder, not knowing what I was doing, and only one clearly defined thought standing up visible and substantial out of the crazy storm-drift that my dream of ten years was in desperate peril, and out of the 60,000 or 90,000 projects for its rescue that came floating through my skull, not one would hold still long enough for me to examine it and size it up. Have you ever been like that? Not so much so, I reckon.

DEAR MR. ROGERS,—I thought I was totally ready for your letter, and I felt prepared and accepting; but wow, it really shows how little we understand ourselves and how easily we can fool ourselves. It hit me like a lightning strike. It knocked all sense out of my mind, and I was all over the place, not knowing what I was doing, with only one clear thought standing out amid the chaos: my ten-year dream was in serious danger, and out of the 60,000 or 90,000 ideas I had for saving it, none stayed still long enough for me to check them out and evaluate them. Have you ever felt like that? Not as much, I guess.

There was another clearly defined idea—I must be there and see it die. That is, if it must die; and maybe if I were there we might hatch up some next-to-impossible way to make it take up its bed and take a walk.

There was another clear thought—I have to be there and witness it die. That is, if it has to die; and maybe if I'm there, we could come up with some highly unlikely way to make it get up and walk away.

So, at the end of four hours I started, still whirling and walked over to the rue Scribe—4 P. M.—and asked a question or two and was told I should be running a big risk if I took the 9 P. M. train for London and Southampton; “better come right along at 6.52 per Havre special and step aboard the New York all easy and comfortable.” Very! and I about two miles from home, with no packing done.

So, after four hours, I finally got up and walked over to rue Scribe—4 PM—and asked a few questions. I was told I'd be taking a big risk if I caught the 9 PM train to London and Southampton; “it's better to take the 6:52 Havre special and get on the New York nice and easy.” Great! And I was still about two miles from home, with no packing done.

Then it occurred to me that none of these salvation-notions that were whirl-winding through my head could be examined or made available unless at least a month's time could be secured. So I cabled you, and said to myself that I would take the French steamer tomorrow (which will be Sunday).

Then it hit me that none of these ideas about salvation that were swirling in my mind could be looked at or made useful unless I could secure at least a month's time. So I messaged you, and I told myself that I would take the French steamer tomorrow (which will be Sunday).

By bedtime Mrs. Clemens had reasoned me into a fairly rational and contented state of mind; but of course it didn't last long. So I went on thinking—mixing it with a smoke in the dressing room once an hour—until dawn this morning. Result—a sane resolution; no matter what your answer to my cable might be, I would hold still and not sail until I should get an answer to this present letter which I am now writing, or a cable answer from you saying “Come” or “Remain.”

By bedtime, Mrs. Clemens had talked me into a pretty rational and content state of mind; but, of course, it didn't stick around for long. So I kept thinking—mixing it with a smoke in the dressing room every hour—until dawn today. The result: a sensible decision; no matter what your response to my cable might be, I would stay put and not set sail until I received either a reply to this letter I'm writing now or a cable from you saying “Come” or “Stay.”

I have slept 6 hours, my pond has clarified, and I find the sediment of my 70,000 projects to be of this character:

I’ve slept for 6 hours, my pond has cleared up, and I see the debris from my 70,000 projects is like this:

[Several pages of suggestions for reconstructing the machine follow.]

[Several pages of ideas for rebuilding the machine follow.]

Don't say I'm wild. For really I'm sane again this morning.

Don't say I'm crazy. Because honestly, I'm completely sane again this morning.

                       ......................
......................

I am going right along with Joan, now, and wait untroubled till I hear from you. If you think I can be of the least use, cable me “Come.” I can write Joan on board ship and lose no time. Also I could discuss my plan with the publisher for a deluxe Joan, time being an object, for some of the pictures could be made over here cheaply and quickly, but would cost much time and money in America.

I’m heading to Joan now and will wait calmly until I hear from you. If you think I can help in any way, just send me a cable saying “Come.” I can write to Joan while on the ship and not waste any time. I could also talk to the publisher about a deluxe edition of Joan since timing is important. Some of the pictures can be redone here quickly and cheaply, but it would take a lot of time and money in America.

                       ......................
......................

If the meeting should decide to quit business Jan. 4, I'd like to have Stoker stopped from paying in any more money, if Miss Harrison doesn't mind that disagreeable job. And I'll have to write them, too, of course.

If the meeting decides to stop doing business on Jan. 4, I’d like to have Stoker stopped from contributing any more money, if Miss Harrison doesn't mind handling that unpleasant task. And I’ll need to write to them, too, of course.

                    With love,
                         S. L. CLEMENS.
With love,  
                         S. L. CLEMENS.
     The “Stoker” of this letter was Bram Stoker, long associated with
     Sir Henry Irving.  Irving himself had also taken stock in the
     machine.  The address, 169 Rue de l'Universite, whence these letters
     are written, was the beautiful studio home of the artist Pomroy
     which they had taken for the winter.
     The "Stoker" of this letter was Bram Stoker, who was closely linked to Sir Henry Irving. Irving himself had also invested in the project. The address, 169 Rue de l'Universite, from which these letters were written, was the lovely studio home of the artist Pomroy that they had rented for the winter.










To H. H. Rogers, in New York:

To H. H. Rogers in New York:

                                        169 RUE DE L'UNIVERSITE,
                                        PARIS, Dec. 27, '94.
                                        169 RUE DE L'UNIVERSITE,
                                        PARIS, Dec. 27, '94.

DEAR MR. ROGERS,—Notwithstanding your heart is “old and hard,” you make a body choke up. I know you “mean every word you say” and I do take it “in the same spirit in which you tender it.” I shall keep your regard while we two live—that I know; for I shall always remember what you have done for me, and that will insure me against ever doing anything that could forfeit it or impair it. I am 59 years old; yet I never had a friend before who put out a hand and tried to pull me ashore when he found me in deep waters.

DEAR MR. ROGERS,—Even though you say your heart is “old and hard,” you still make me emotional. I know you “mean every word you say,” and I take it “in the same spirit in which you offer it.” I will cherish your friendship for as long as we both live—that I am sure of; I’ll always remember what you’ve done for me, and that will keep me from ever doing anything that could lose or damage it. I’m 59 years old, but I’ve never had a friend before who reached out and tried to pull me to safety when I was in deep waters.

It is six days or seven days ago that I lived through that despairing day, and then through a night without sleep; then settled down next day into my right mind (or thereabouts,) and wrote you. I put in the rest of that day till 7 P. M. plenty comfortably enough writing a long chapter of my book; then went to a masked ball blacked up as Uncle Remus, taking Clara along; and we had a good time. I have lost no day since and suffered no discomfort to speak of, but drove my troubles out of my mind and had good success in keeping them out—through watchfulness. I have done a good week's work and put the book a good way ahead in the Great Trial, which is the difficult part which requires the most thought and carefulness. I cannot see the end of the Trial yet, but I am on the road. I am creeping surely toward it.

It was six or seven days ago that I went through that awful day, followed by a sleepless night; then the next day, I managed to get myself back to a decent state of mind and wrote to you. I spent the rest of that day until 7 P.M. quite comfortably writing a long chapter of my book; then I went to a masked ball dressed as Uncle Remus, taking Clara with me, and we had a great time. I haven’t lost a day since and haven't really felt any discomfort, just pushed my worries out of my mind and succeeded in keeping them away—through being mindful. I've done a solid week’s work and made good progress in the Great Trial, which is the tough part that needs the most thought and care. I can't see the end of the Trial yet, but I'm on my way. I'm steadily moving towards it.

“Why not leave them all to me.” My business bothers? I take you by the hand! I jump at the chance!

“Why not let me handle everything?” My business troubles? I’ll take your hand! I’m all in!

I ought to be ashamed and I am trying my best to be ashamed—and yet I do jump at the chance in spite of it. I don't want to write Irving and I don't want to write Stoker. It doesn't seem as if I could. But I can suggest something for you to write them; and then if you see that I am unwise, you can write them something quite different. Now this is my idea:

I should be ashamed, and I'm really trying to feel that way—but still, I can't help but jump at the opportunity anyway. I don't want to write to Irving, and I don't want to write to Stoker. It feels like I couldn't do it. But I can suggest something for you to write to them; and if you think I’m mistaken, you can write something completely different. So, here's my idea:

     1.  To return Stoker's $100 to him and keep his stock.

     2.  And tell Irving that when luck turns with me I will make good to
     him what the salvage from the dead Co. fails to pay him of his $500.
     1.  To give Stoker back his $100 and hold onto his stock.

     2.  And let Irving know that when my luck changes, I'll make up to him what the salvage from the dead Co. doesn't cover of his $500.

P. S. Madam says No, I must face the music. So I enclose my effort to be used if you approve, but not otherwise.

P.S. Madam says no, I have to deal with the consequences. So I'm including my attempt to be used if you approve, but not if you don't.

There! Now if you will alter it to suit your judgment and bang away, I shall be eternally obliged.

There! Now if you can change it to fit your opinion and go for it, I will be forever grateful.

We shall try to find a tenant for our Hartford house; not an easy matter, for it costs heavily to live in. We can never live in it again; though it would break the family's hearts if they could believe it.

We will try to find a renter for our Hartford house; it's not an easy task, since it's expensive to live in. We can never live there again, even though it would break the family's hearts if they could accept that.

Nothing daunts Mrs. Clemens or makes the world look black to her—which is the reason I haven't drowned myself.

Nothing intimidates Mrs. Clemens or makes the world seem bleak to her—which is why I haven't ended my life.

We all send our deepest and warmest greetings to you and all of yours and a Happy New Year!

We send you and your family our heartfelt greetings and wish you a Happy New Year!

                              S. L. CLEMENS.
Mark Twain.

Enclosure:

Attachment:

MY DEAR STOKER,—I am not dating this because it is not to be mailed at present.

MY DEAR STOKER,—I'm not dating this because it isn't meant to be sent right now.

When it reaches you it will mean that there is a hitch in my machine-enterprise—a hitch so serious as to make it take to itself the aspect of a dissolved dream. This letter, then, will contain cheque for the $100 which you have paid. And will you tell Irving for me—I can't get up courage enough to talk about this misfortune myself, except to you, whom by good luck I haven't damaged yet that when the wreckage presently floats ashore he will get a good deal of his $500 back; and a dab at a time I will make up to him the rest.

When this reaches you, it means there's a problem with my project—one so serious that it feels like a broken dream. This letter will include a check for the $100 you paid. Also, could you let Irving know for me? I just can't find the courage to discuss this setback with anyone else, except for you, whom, thankfully, I haven't let down yet. When the aftermath eventually comes to light, he’ll get a significant portion of his $500 back, and I’ll gradually pay him back the rest.

I'm not feeling as fine as I was when I saw you there in your home. Please remember me kindly to Mrs. Stoker. I gave up that London lecture-project entirely. Had to—there's never been a chance since to find the time.

I'm not feeling as good as I was when I saw you at your place. Please send my best regards to Mrs. Stoker. I completely gave up on that London lecture project. I had to—I've never had a chance since to find the time.

                    Sincerely yours,
                                   S. L. CLEMENS.
Best regards,  
                                   S. L. CLEMENS.




XXXV. LETTERS, 1895-96, TO H. H. ROGERS AND OTHERS. FINISHING “JOAN OF ARC.” THE TRIP AROUND THE WORLD. DEATH OF SUSY CLEMENS.










To H. H. Rogers, in New York City:

To H. H. Rogers, in New York City:

                                                       [No date.]
[No date.]

DEAR MR. ROGERS,—Yours of Dec. 21 has arrived, containing the circular to stockholders and I guess the Co. will really quit—there doesn't seem to be any other wise course.

DEAR MR. ROGERS,—Your letter from Dec. 21 has arrived, along with the circular to stockholders, and I think the company will actually shut down—there doesn’t seem to be any other reasonable choice.

There's one thing which makes it difficult for me to soberly realize that my ten year dream is actually dissolved; and that is, that it reveries my horoscope. The proverb says, “Born lucky, always lucky,” and I am very superstitious. As a small boy I was notoriously lucky. It was usual for one or two of our lads (per annum) to get drowned in the Mississippi or in Bear Creek, but I was pulled out in a 2/3 drowned condition 9 times before I learned to swim, and was considered to be a cat in disguise. When the “Pennsylvania” blew up and the telegraph reported my brother as fatally injured (with 60 others) but made no mention of me, my uncle said to my mother “It means that Sam was somewhere else, after being on that boat a year and a half—he was born lucky.” Yes, I was somewhere else. I am so superstitious that I have always been afraid to have business dealings with certain relatives and friends of mine because they were unlucky people. All my life I have stumbled upon lucky chances of large size, and whenever they were wasted it was because of my own stupidity and carelessness. And so I have felt entirely certain that that machine would turn up trumps eventually. It disappointed me lots of times, but I couldn't shake off the confidence of a life-time in my luck.

There's one thing that makes it hard for me to accept that my ten-year dream has actually fallen apart, and that's because it feels like it goes against my horoscope. They say, “Born lucky, always lucky,” and I’m pretty superstitious. As a kid, I was incredibly lucky. It wasn't uncommon for one or two of our friends to drown in the Mississippi or Bear Creek every year, but I was saved from drowning 9 times before I learned how to swim, and people thought I was like a cat with nine lives. When the “Pennsylvania” exploded and the telegraph reported my brother was fatally injured (along with 60 others) but didn’t mention me, my uncle told my mom, “It means Sam was somewhere else, after being on that boat for a year and a half—he was born lucky.” And yes, I was somewhere else. I'm so superstitious that I've always been hesitant to do business with certain relatives and friends because they were unlucky. Throughout my life, I've stumbled into big lucky opportunities, and whenever they slipped away, it was because of my own foolishness and carelessness. So I was completely sure that that machine would eventually pay off. It let me down many times, but I couldn’t shake the confidence in my luck that I had built up over a lifetime.

Well, whatever I get out of the wreckage will be due to good luck—the good luck of getting you into the scheme—for, but for that, there wouldn't be any wreckage; it would be total loss.

Well, whatever I salvage from the wreck will be down to good luck—the good luck of bringing you into the plan—because without that, there wouldn't be any wreck; it would be a complete loss.

I wish you had been in at the beginning. Then we should have had the good luck to step promptly ashore.

I wish you had been there from the start. Then we would have had the good fortune to get off the boat right away.

Miss Harrison has had a dream which promises me a large bank account, and I want her to go ahead and dream it twice more, so as to make the prediction sure to be fulfilled.

Miss Harrison had a dream that suggests I'll have a big bank account, and I want her to dream it two more times to make sure the prediction comes true.

I've got a first rate subject for a book. It kept me awake all night, and I began it and completed it in my mind. The minute I finish Joan I will take it up.

I've got a great idea for a book. It kept me up all night, and I started and finished it in my head. As soon as I finish Joan, I'll dive into it.

               Love and Happy New Year to you all.
                         Sincerely yours,
                                   S. L. CLEMENS.
               Wishing you all love and a Happy New Year.
                         Best,
                                   S. L. CLEMENS.
     This was about the end of the machine interests so far as Clemens
     was concerned.  Paige succeeded in getting some new people
     interested, but nothing important happened, or that in any way
     affected Mark Twain.  Characteristically he put the whole matter
     behind him and plunged into his work, facing comparative poverty and
     a burden of debts with a stout heart.  The beginning of the new year
     found him really poorer in purse than he had ever been in his life,
     but certainly not crushed, or even discouraged—at least, not
     permanently—and never more industrious or capable.
     This marked the end of Clemens's involvement with the machine interests. Paige managed to attract some new investors, but nothing significant happened that impacted Mark Twain. True to his nature, he moved on and focused on his work, confronting financial struggles and a heavy load of debt with determination. As the new year began, he was actually poorer than he had ever been, but he was definitely not defeated or even disheartened—at least, not for long—and he was more hardworking and capable than ever.










To H. H. Rogers, in New York City:

To H. H. Rogers, in New York City:

                                        169 RUE DE L'UNIVERSITE,
                                             PARIS, Jan. 23, '95.
                                        169 RUE DE L'UNIVERSITE,
                                             PARIS, Jan. 23, '95.

DEAR MR. ROGERS,—After I wrote you, two or three days ago I thought I would make a holiday of the rest of the day—the second deliberate holiday since I had the gout. On the first holiday I wrote a tale of about 6,000 words, which was 3 days' work in one; and this time I did 8,000 before midnight. I got nothing out of that first holiday but the recreation of it, for I condemned the work after careful reading and some revision; but this time I fared better—I finished the Huck Finn tale that lies in your safe, and am satisfied with it.

DEAR MR. ROGERS,—A couple of days ago, after I wrote to you, I decided to take the rest of the day off as a holiday—the second intentional break since I had gout. On my first holiday, I wrote a story of about 6,000 words, which was like cramming three days of work into one; this time, I managed to create 8,000 words before midnight. I didn’t get much from that first holiday except some relaxation because I ended up trashing the work after careful reading and some revisions. However, this time turned out better—I completed the Huck Finn story that’s in your safe, and I’m happy with it.

The Bacheller syndicate (117 Tribune Building) want a story of 5,000 words (lowest limit of their London agent) for $1,000 and offer to plank the check on delivery, and it was partly to meet that demand that I took that other holiday. So as I have no short story that suits me (and can't and shan't make promises), the best I can do is to offer the longer one which I finished on my second holiday—“Tom Sawyer, Detective.”

The Bacheller syndicate (117 Tribune Building) wants a 5,000-word story (the lowest limit from their London agent) for $1,000 and promises to issue the check upon delivery. It was partly to meet that demand that I took that other vacation. Since I don't have a short story that fits my needs (and I can't and won't make promises), the best I can do is offer the longer one I completed during my second vacation—“Tom Sawyer, Detective.”

It makes 27 or 28,000 words, and is really written for grown folks, though I expect young folk to read it, too. It transfers to the banks of the Mississippi the incidents of a strange murder which was committed in Sweden in old times.

It’s around 27 or 28,000 words, and it's definitely written for adults, although I anticipate that younger readers will check it out too. It takes the events of a bizarre murder that happened in Sweden a long time ago and sets them on the banks of the Mississippi.

I'll refer applicants for a sight of the story to you or Miss Harrison.—[Secretary to Mr. Rogers.]

I'll send applicants to you or Miss Harrison for a look at the story. —[Secretary to Mr. Rogers.]

                         Yours sincerely,
                                   S. L. CLEMENS.
Best regards,  
                                   S. L. CLEMENS.










To H. H. Rogers, in New York City:

To H. H. Rogers, in New York City:

                                        169 RUE DE L'UNIVERSITE,
                                             Apr. 29, '95.
169 RUE DE L'UNIVERSITE,  
Apr. 29, '95.

DEAR MR. ROGERS,—Your felicitous delightful letter of the 15th arrived three days ago, and brought great pleasure into the house.

DEAR MR. ROGERS,—Your wonderful letter from the 15th arrived three days ago and brought a lot of joy into the house.

There is one thing that weighs heavily on Mrs. Clemens and me. That is Brusnahan's money. If he is satisfied to have it invested in the Chicago enterprise, well and good; if not, we would like to have the money paid back to him. I will give him as many months to decide in as he pleases—let him name 6 or 10 or 12—and we will let the money stay where it is in your hands till the time is up. Will Miss Harrison tell him so? I mean if you approve. I would like him to have a good investment, but would meantime prefer to protect him against loss.

There’s one thing that’s really on Mrs. Clemens’ and my mind: Brusnahan's money. If he’s okay with it being invested in the Chicago venture, that’s great; if not, we’d prefer to have the money returned to him. I’ll give him as much time as he wants to decide—he can choose 6, 10, or even 12 months—and we’ll leave the money where it is with you until then. Could Miss Harrison let him know? I mean, only if you’re okay with that. I want him to have a solid investment, but in the meantime, I’d rather protect him from any potential loss.

At 6 minutes past 7, yesterday evening, Joan of Arc was burned at the stake.

At 7:06 PM yesterday, Joan of Arc was burned at the stake.

With the long strain gone, I am in a sort of physical collapse today, but it will be gone tomorrow. I judged that this end of the book would be hard work, and it turned out so. I have never done any work before that cost so much thinking and weighing and measuring and planning and cramming, or so much cautious and painstaking execution. For I wanted the whole Rouen trial in, if it could be got in in such a way that the reader's interest would not flag—in fact I wanted the reader's interest to increase; and so I stuck to it with that determination in view—with the result that I have left nothing out but unimportant repetitions. Although it is mere history—history pure and simple—history stripped naked of flowers, embroideries, colorings, exaggerations, invention—the family agree that I have succeeded. It was a perilous thing to try in a tale, but I never believed it a doubtful one—provided I stuck strictly to business and didn't weaken and give up: or didn't get lazy and skimp the work. The first two-thirds of the book were easy; for I only needed to keep my historical road straight; therefore I used for reference only one French history and one English one—and shoveled in as much fancy work and invention on both sides of the historical road as I pleased. But on this last third I have constantly used five French sources and five English ones and I think no telling historical nugget in any of them has escaped me.

With the intense effort behind me, I'm feeling pretty worn out today, but it'll fade by tomorrow. I knew that finishing this book would be tough, and it definitely was. I've never done anything that required so much thought, consideration, planning, and preparation, along with careful and meticulous execution. I wanted to include the entire Rouen trial without losing the reader's interest—in fact, I wanted it to increase. So I committed to that goal, which led me to include everything except minor repetitions. Even though it’s just history—pure history, stripped of embellishments, decorations, exaggerations, and inventions—my family agrees that I've succeeded. It was a risky move for a narrative, but I was confident it would work out as long as I stuck to the facts and didn’t get lazy or cut corners. The first two-thirds of the book were straightforward because I just had to follow the historical path, so I only consulted one French history and one English one; I added as much creativity and imagination as I wanted on either side of that path. But for this last third, I've consistently used five French sources and five English ones, and I believe I've captured every significant historical detail from them.

Possibly the book may not sell, but that is nothing—it was written for love.

Possibly the book might not sell, but that's okay—it was written out of love.

There—I'm called to see company. The family seldom require this of me, but they know I am not working today.

There—I'm called to see some guests. My family rarely asks this of me, but they know I'm not working today.

                         Yours sincerely,
                                   S. L. CLEMENS.
Best regards,  
                                   S. L. CLEMENS.
     “Brusnahan,” of the foregoing letter, was an employee of the New
     York Herald, superintendent of the press-room—who had invested some
     of his savings in the type-setter.

     In February Clemens returned to New York to look after matters
     connected with his failure and to close arrangements for a
     reading-tour around the world.  He was nearly sixty years old, and
     time had not lessened his loathing for the platform.  More than
     once, however, in earlier years, he had turned to it as a
     debt-payer, and never yet had his burden been so great as now.  He
     concluded arrangements with Major Pond to take him as far as the
     Pacific Coast, and with R. S. Smythe, of Australia, for the rest of
     the tour.  In April we find him once more back in Paris preparing
     to bring the family to America, He had returned by way of London,
     where he had visited Stanley the explorer—an old friend.
“Brusnahan,” mentioned in the letter above, was an employee of the New York Herald, in charge of the press room—who had put some of his savings into the type-setter.

In February, Clemens went back to New York to manage issues related to his bankruptcy and to finalize plans for a speaking tour around the world. He was nearly sixty years old, and time had not decreased his aversion to the stage. More than once, however, in earlier years, he had resorted to it to pay off debts, and never had his burden been as heavy as it was now. He made arrangements with Major Pond to take him as far as the Pacific Coast, and with R. S. Smythe from Australia for the remainder of the tour. In April, we find him back in Paris, getting ready to bring his family to America. He had come back via London, where he had visited Stanley the explorer—an old friend.










To H. H. Rogers, in New York City:

To H. H. Rogers, in New York City:

                                             169 RUE DE L'UNIVERSITE,
                                                  Sunday, Apr.7,'95.
                                             169 RUE DE L'UNIVERSITE,
                                                  Sunday, Apr. 7, '95.

DEAR MR. ROGERS,—..... Stanley is magnificently housed in London, in a grand mansion in the midst of the official world, right off Downing Street and Whitehall. He had an extraordinary assemblage of brains and fame there to meet me—thirty or forty (both sexes) at dinner, and more than a hundred came in, after dinner. Kept it up till after midnight. There were cabinet ministers, ambassadors, admirals, generals, canons, Oxford professors, novelists, playwrights, poets, and a number of people equipped with rank and brains. I told some yarns and made some speeches. I promised to call on all those people next time I come to London, and show them the wife and the daughters. If I were younger and very strong I would dearly love to spend a season in London—provided I had no work on hand, or no work more exacting than lecturing. I think I will lecture there a month or two when I return from Australia.

DEAR MR. ROGERS,—..... Stanley is wonderfully situated in London, in a grand mansion right in the heart of the official world, just off Downing Street and Whitehall. He gathered an incredible mix of smart and famous people to meet me—about thirty or forty (both men and women) for dinner, and more than a hundred joined us after dinner. We kept the party going till after midnight. There were cabinet ministers, ambassadors, admirals, generals, canons, Oxford professors, novelists, playwrights, poets, and numerous individuals with both status and intelligence. I shared some stories and gave a few speeches. I promised to visit everyone next time I'm in London and introduce them to my wife and daughters. If I were younger and in better shape, I would absolutely love to spend a season in London—assuming I had no other commitments, or at least nothing more demanding than lecturing. I plan to lecture there for a month or two when I get back from Australia.

There were many delightful ladies in that company. One was the wife of His Excellency Admiral Bridge, Commander-in Chief of the Australian Station, and she said her husband was able to throw wide all doors to me in that part of the world and would be glad to do it, and would yacht me and my party around, and excursion us in his flag-ship and make us have a great time; and she said she would write him we were coming, and we would find him ready. I have a letter from her this morning enclosing a letter of introduction to the Admiral. I already know the Admiral commanding in the China Seas and have promised to look in on him out there. He sleeps with my books under his pillow. P'raps it is the only way he can sleep.

There were many charming ladies in that group. One was the wife of His Excellency Admiral Bridge, Commander-in-Chief of the Australian Station. She mentioned that her husband could open all doors for me in that part of the world and would be happy to do so. He would take me and my party around on his yacht and show us a great time on his flagship. She said she would write to him about our arrival, and we would find him ready for us. This morning, I received a letter from her that included an introduction letter to the Admiral. I already know the Admiral who commands in the China Seas and have promised to visit him there. He sleeps with my books under his pillow. Maybe that's the only way he can get some rest.

According to Mrs. Clemens's present plans—subject to modification, of course—we sail in May; stay one day, or two days in New York, spend June, July and August in Elmira and prepare my lectures; then lecture in San Francisco and thereabouts during September and sail for Australia before the middle of October and open the show there about the middle of November. We don't take the girls along; it would be too expensive and they are quite willing to remain behind anyway.

According to Mrs. Clemens's current plans—subject to change, of course—we'll set sail in May, spend a day or two in New York, and then spend June, July, and August in Elmira preparing my lectures. After that, I'll give lectures in San Francisco and nearby areas throughout September, then head to Australia before mid-October and launch the show there around mid-November. We're not bringing the girls along; it would be too expensive, and they’re perfectly fine with staying behind too.

Mrs. C. is feeling so well that she is not going to try the New York doctor till we have gone around the world and robbed it and made the finances a little easier.

Mrs. C. is feeling so great that she’s not going to see the New York doctor until we’ve traveled around the world, stolen from it, and made our finances a bit easier.

                    With a power of love to you all,
                                   S. L. CLEMENS.
                    Sending love and power to you all,  
                                   S. L. CLEMENS.
     There would come moments of depression, of course, and a week later
     he wrote: “I am tired to death all the time:”  To a man of less
     vitality, less vigor of mind and body, it is easy to believe that
     under such circumstances this condition would have remained
     permanent.  But perhaps, after all, it was his comic outlook on
     things in general that was his chief life-saver.
There would be moments of depression, of course, and a week later he wrote: “I am completely exhausted all the time.” For a man with less energy, less mental and physical strength, it’s easy to think that in such situations this feeling would have become permanent. But maybe, after all, it was his humorous perspective on life that saved him the most.










To H. H. Rogers, in New York City:

To H. H. Rogers, in New York City:

                              169 RUE DE L'UNIVERSITE, Apr. 29, '95.
                              169 RUE DE L'UNIVERSITE, Apr. 29, '95.

DEAR MR. ROGERS,—I have been hidden an hour or two, reading proof of Joan and now I think I am a lost child. I can't find anybody on the place. The baggage has all disappeared, including the family. I reckon that in the hurry and bustle of moving to the hotel they forgot me. But it is no matter. It is peacefuller now than I have known it for days and days and days.

DEAR MR. ROGERS,—I've been hiding for an hour or two, going over the proof of Joan, and now I feel like a lost child. I can't find anyone around here. All the luggage has vanished, along with the family. I guess in all the chaos of moving to the hotel, they forgot about me. But it's okay. It's quieter now than it has been for days and days.

In these Joan proofs which I have been reading for the September Harper I find a couple of tip-top platform readings—and I mean to read them on our trip. If the authorship is known by then; and if it isn't, I will reveal it. The fact is, there is more good platform-stuff in Joan than in any previous book of mine, by a long sight.

In these Joan proofs I've been reading for the September Harper, I’ve found a couple of excellent platform readings—and I plan to go over them on our trip. If the authorship is known by then; and if it isn't, I'll reveal it. The truth is, there’s way more good platform material in Joan than in any of my previous books, by a long shot.

Yes, every danged member of the tribe has gone to the hotel and left me lost. I wonder how they can be so careless with property. I have got to try to get there by myself now.

Yes, every single member of the tribe has gone to the hotel and left me lost. I wonder how they can be so careless with their belongings. I have to try to get there on my own now.

All the trunks are going over as luggage; then I've got to find somebody on the dock who will agree to ship 6 of them to the Hartford Customhouse. If it is difficult I will dump them into the river. It is very careless of Mrs. Clemens to trust trunks and things to me.

All the trunks are being shipped as luggage; then I need to find someone at the dock who will agree to send 6 of them to the Hartford Customhouse. If it's too hard, I'll just throw them in the river. It's really reckless of Mrs. Clemens to rely on me with the trunks and stuff.

                         Sincerely yours,
                                   S. L. CLEMENS.
Best regards,  
                                   S. L. CLEMENS.
     By the latter part of May they were at Quarry Farm, and Clemens,
     laid up there with a carbuncle, was preparing for his long tour.
     The outlook was not a pleasant one.  To Mr. Rogers he wrote: “I
     sha'n't be able to stand on the platform before we start west.  I
     sha'n't get a single chance to practice my reading; but will have to
     appear in Cleveland without the essential preparation.  Nothing in
     this world can save it from being a shabby, poor disgusting
     performance.  I've got to stand; I can't do it and talk to a house,
     and how in the nation am I going to sit?  Land of Goshen, it's this
     night week!  Pray for me.”

     The opening at Cleveland July 15th appears not to have been much of
     a success, though from another reason, one that doubtless seemed
     amusing to him later.
     By late May, they were at Quarry Farm, and Clemens, stuck there with a carbuncle, was getting ready for his long tour. The outlook wasn’t great. He wrote to Mr. Rogers: “I won’t be able to stand on the platform before we head west. I won’t get a single chance to practice my reading and will have to show up in Cleveland without the necessary prep. Nothing in this world can prevent it from being a shabby, terrible performance. I have to stand; I can’t do it and talk to a crowd, and how on earth am I going to sit? Goodness, it’s just a week from tonight! Pray for me.”

     The show in Cleveland on July 15th doesn’t seem to have been much of a success, although for a different reason, one that probably seemed funny to him later.










To H. H. Rogers, in New York City:

To H. H. Rogers, in New York City:

                                                       (Forenoon)
                                             CLEVELAND, July 16, '95.
Morning  
CLEVELAND, July 16, '95.

DEAR MR. ROGERS,—Had a roaring success at the Elmira reformatory Sunday night. But here, last night, I suffered defeat—There were a couple of hundred little boys behind me on the stage, on a lofty tier of benches which made them the most conspicuous objects in the house. And there was nobody to watch them or keep them quiet. Why, with their scufflings and horse-play and noise, it was just a menagerie. Besides, a concert of amateurs had been smuggled into the program (to precede me,) and their families and friends (say ten per cent of the audience) kept encoring them and they always responded. So it was 20 minutes to 9 before I got the platform in front of those 2,600 people who had paid a dollar apiece for a chance to go to hell in this fashion.

DEAR MR. ROGERS,—I had a huge success at the Elmira reformatory Sunday night. But here, last night, I faced a defeat—There were a couple of hundred little boys behind me on the stage, sitting on a high row of benches that made them the most noticeable people in the room. And there was no one to supervise them or keep them quiet. With all their shuffling, roughhousing, and noise, it felt like a circus. Plus, an amateur concert had been sneaked into the program (before my act), and their families and friends (about ten percent of the audience) kept applauding them, and they always came back for more. So it was 20 minutes to 9 by the time I finally got on stage in front of those 2,600 people who each paid a dollar for the chance to experience this chaos.

I got started magnificently, but inside of half an hour the scuffling boys had the audience's maddened attention and I saw it was a gone case; so I skipped a third of my program and quit. The newspapers are kind, but between you and me it was a defeat. There ain't going to be any more concerts at my lectures. I care nothing for this defeat, because it was not my fault. My first half hour showed that I had the house, and I could have kept it if I hadn't been so handicapped.

I started off really strong, but within half an hour, the noisy kids had the audience's attention and I realized it was a lost cause; so I cut a third of my program and gave up. The newspapers are being nice, but between you and me, it was a failure. There won't be any more concerts in my lectures. I don't really care about this defeat because it wasn't my fault. My first half hour proved I had the audience, and I could have kept them if I hadn't been so distracted.

                         Yours sincerely,
                                   S. L. CLEMENS.
Best regards,  
                                   S. L. CLEMENS.

P. S. Had a satisfactory time at Petoskey. Crammed the house and turned away a crowd. We had $548 in the house, which was $300 more than it had ever had in it before. I believe I don't care to have a talk go off better than that one did.

P. S. Had a great time at Petoskey. The house was packed and we had to turn people away. We brought in $548, which was $300 more than ever before. I really couldn’t have asked for a talk to go better than that one did.

     Mark Twain, on this long tour, was accompanied by his wife and his
     daughter Clara—Susy and Jean Clemens remaining with their aunt at
     Quarry Farm.  The tour was a financial success from the start.
     By the time they were ready to sail from Vancouver five thousand
     dollars had been remitted to Mr. Rogers against that day of
     settlement when the debts of Webster & Co. were to be paid.  Perhaps
     it should be stated here that a legal settlement had been arranged
     on a basis of fifty cents on the dollar, but neither Clemens nor his
     wife consented to this as final.  They would pay in full.

     They sailed from Vancouver August 23, 1895.  About the only letter
     of this time is an amusing note to Rudyard Kipling, written at the
     moment of departure.
Mark Twain was on a long tour, and he was joined by his wife and daughter Clara—Susy and Jean Clemens stayed with their aunt at Quarry Farm. The tour started off as a financial success. By the time they were set to sail from Vancouver, five thousand dollars had been sent to Mr. Rogers to cover the day when the debts of Webster & Co. were to be settled. It’s worth mentioning that a legal settlement had been arranged for fifty cents on the dollar, but neither Clemens nor his wife accepted that as final. They intended to pay in full.

They sailed from Vancouver on August 23, 1895. One of the only letters from this time is a funny note to Rudyard Kipling, written just as they were departing.










To Rudyard Kipling, in England:

To Rudyard Kipling, in the UK:

                                                       August, 1895.
August 1895.

DEAR KIPLING,—It is reported that you are about to visit India. This has moved me to journey to that far country in order that I may unload from my conscience a debt long due to you. Years ago you came from India to Elmira to visit me, as you said at the time. It has always been my purpose to return that visit and that great compliment some day. I shall arrive next January and you must be ready. I shall come riding my ayah with his tusks adorned with silver bells and ribbons and escorted by a troop of native howdahs richly clad and mounted upon a herd of wild bungalows; and you must be on hand with a few bottles of ghee, for I shall be thirsty.

DEAR KIPLING,—I’ve heard you’re planning to visit India. This has inspired me to make the journey to that distant land so I can finally settle a long-standing debt to you. Years ago, you traveled from India to Elmira to see me, as you mentioned at the time. I’ve always intended to return that visit and show my appreciation one day. I’ll arrive next January, so get ready. I’ll come riding my ayah with his tusks decorated with silver bells and ribbons, accompanied by a group of native howdahs richly dressed and riding a herd of wild bungalows; and you need to have a few bottles of ghee ready because I’ll be thirsty.

                         Affectionately,
                              S. L. CLEMENS.
With love,  
                              S. L. CLEMENS.
     Clemens, platforming in Australia, was too busy to write letters.
     Everywhere he was welcomed by great audiences, and everywhere
     lavishly entertained.  He was beset by other carbuncles, but would
     seem not to have been seriously delayed by them.  A letter to his
     old friend Twichell carries the story.
     Clemens, performing in Australia, was too busy to write letters. Everywhere he was welcomed by large audiences, and he received extravagant hospitality. He faced some other challenges, but they didn't seem to hold him back significantly. A letter to his old friend Twichell tells the story.










To Rev. Jos. H. Twichell, in Hartford:

To Rev. Jos. H. Twichell, in Hartford:

                                   FRANK MOELLER'S MASONIC HOTEL,
                                             NAPIER, NEW ZEALAND,
                                                  November 29, '95.
                                   FRANK MOELLER'S MASONIC HOTEL,
                                             NAPIER, NEW ZEALAND,
                                                  November 29, '95.

DEAR JOE,—Your welcome letter of two months and five days ago has just arrived, and finds me in bed with another carbuncle. It is No. 3. Not a serious one this time. I lectured last night without inconvenience, but the doctors thought best to forbid to-night's lecture. My second one kept me in bed a week in Melbourne.

DEAR JOE,—I just got your nice letter from two months and five days ago, and it finds me in bed with another carbuncle. This is number 3. Fortunately, it's not too serious this time. I spoke last night without any issues, but the doctors think it’s best to skip tonight’s lecture. My second one kept me in bed for a week in Melbourne.

... We are all glad it is you who is to write the article, it delights us all through.

... We are all happy that you're the one writing the article; it brings us all joy.

I think it was a good stroke of luck that knocked me on my back here at Napier, instead of some hotel in the centre of a noisy city. Here we have the smooth and placidly-complaining sea at our door, with nothing between us and it but 20 yards of shingle—and hardly a suggestion of life in that space to mar it or make a noise. Away down here fifty-five degrees south of the Equator this sea seems to murmur in an unfamiliar tongue—a foreign tongue—tongue bred among the ice-fields of the Antarctic—a murmur with a note of melancholy in it proper to the vast unvisited solitudes it has come from. It was very delicious and solacing to wake in the night and find it still pulsing there. I wish you were here—land, but it would be fine!

I think it was a lucky break that landed me here at Napier instead of some hotel in the middle of a noisy city. Here, we have the calm and gently complaining sea right at our doorstep, with just 20 yards of pebbles between us and it—barely a hint of life in that space to disturb the peace or make any noise. Down here, fifty-five degrees south of the Equator, this sea seems to whisper in a strange language—a foreign language—one that comes from the icy fields of Antarctica—a murmur with a touch of sadness that reflects the vast, unvisited solitude it hails from. It was really nice and comforting to wake up at night and hear it still pulsing away. I wish you were here—what a treat that would be!

Livy and Clara enjoy this nomadic life pretty well; certainly better than one could have expected they would. They have tough experiences, in the way of food and beds and frantic little ships, but they put up with the worst that befalls with heroic endurance that resembles contentment.

Livy and Clara enjoy this nomadic lifestyle quite a bit; definitely more than anyone would have expected. They face tough challenges with food, sleeping arrangements, and chaotic little boats, but they endure the worst of it with a heroic resilience that looks a lot like contentment.

No doubt I shall be on the platform next Monday. A week later we shall reach Wellington; talk there 3 nights, then sail back to Australia. We sailed for New Zealand October 30.

No doubt I'll be on the stage next Monday. A week later we'll reach Wellington; I'll be speaking there for 3 nights, then we'll sail back to Australia. We set sail for New Zealand on October 30.

Day before yesterday was Livy's birthday (under world time), and tomorrow will be mine. I shall be 60—no thanks for it.

Day before yesterday was Livy's birthday (according to world time), and tomorrow will be mine. I'll be 60—no thanks for that.

I and the others send worlds and worlds of love to all you dear ones.

Me and the others send loads and loads of love to all you dear ones.

                                   MARK.
MARK.
     The article mentioned in the foregoing letter was one which Twichell
     had been engaged by Harper's Magazine to write concerning the home
     life and characteristics of Mark Twain.  By the time the Clemens
     party had completed their tour of India—a splendid, triumphant
     tour, too full of work and recreation for letter-writing—and had
     reached South Africa, the article had appeared, a satisfactory one,
     if we may judge by Mark Twain's next.

     This letter, however, has a special interest in the account it gives
     of Mark Twain's visit to the Jameson raiders, then imprisoned at
     Pretoria.
     The article mentioned in the previous letter was one that Twichell had been hired by Harper's Magazine to write about Mark Twain's home life and characteristics. By the time the Clemens party finished their tour of India—a fantastic, successful journey that was too packed with work and fun for letter-writing—and arrived in South Africa, the article had been published, and it seemed to be a good one, judging by Mark Twain's next response.

     However, this letter is particularly interesting because it details Mark Twain's visit to the Jameson raiders, who were then imprisoned in Pretoria.










To Rev. Jos. H. Twichell, in Hartford:

To Rev. Jos. H. Twichell, in Hartford:

                                   PRETORIA, SOUTH AFRICAN REPUBLIC,
                                        The Queen's Birthday, '96.
                                                       (May 24)
                                   PRETORIA, SOUTH AFRICA,
                                        The Queen's Birthday, '96.
                                                       (May 24)

DEAR OLD JOE,—Harper for May was given to me yesterday in Johannesburg by an American lady who lives there, and I read your article on me while coming up in the train with her and an old friend and fellow-Missourian of mine, Mrs. John Hays Hammond, the handsome and spirited wife of the chief of the 4 Reformers, who lies in prison here under a 15-year sentence, along with 50 minor Reformers who are in for 1 and 5-year terms. Thank you a thousand times Joe, you have praised me away above my deserts, but I am not the man to quarrel with you for that; and as for Livy, she will take your very hardiest statements at par, and be grateful to you to the bottom of her heart. Between you and Punch and Brander Matthews, I am like to have my opinion of myself raised sufficiently high; and I guess the children will be after you, for it is the study of their lives to keep my self-appreciation down somewhere within bounds.

DEAR OLD JOE,—I got the May issue of Harper yesterday in Johannesburg from an American lady living there, and I read your article about me while riding the train with her and an old friend of mine, Mrs. John Hays Hammond, who's the beautiful and spirited wife of the leader of the 4 Reformers. He’s in prison here serving a 15-year sentence, along with 50 other Reformers who got 1 to 5-year terms. Thank you so much, Joe; you’ve praised me way beyond what I deserve, but I’m not the kind of guy to argue with you about it. As for Livy, she’ll take your strongest compliments at face value and be truly grateful. Between you, Punch, and Brander Matthews, my opinion of myself is likely to get a serious boost; and I guess the kids will be on your case, since it’s their job to keep my self-esteem in check.

I had a note from Mrs. Rev. Gray (nee Tyler) yesterday, and called on her to-day. She is well.

I received a note from Mrs. Rev. Gray (formerly Tyler) yesterday, and I visited her today. She's doing well.

Yesterday I was allowed to enter the prison with Mrs. Hammond. A Boer guard was at my elbow all the time, but was courteous and polite, only he barred the way in the compound (quadrangle or big open court) and wouldn't let me cross a white mark that was on the ground—the “death-line” one of the prisoners called it. Not in earnest, though, I think. I found that I had met Hammond once when he was a Yale senior and a guest of Gen. Franklin's. I also found that I had known Capt. Mein intimately 32 years ago. One of the English prisoners had heard me lecture in London 23 years ago. After being introduced in turn to all the prisoners, I was allowed to see some of the cells and examine their food, beds, etc. I was told in Johannesburg that Hammond's salary of $150,000 a year is not stopped, and that the salaries of some of the others are still continued. Hammond was looking very well indeed, and I can say the same of all the others. When the trouble first fell upon them it hit some of them very hard; several fell sick (Hammond among them), two or three had to be removed to the hospital, and one of the favorites lost his mind and killed himself, poor fellow, last week. His funeral, with a sorrowing following of 10,000, took the place of the public demonstration the Americans were getting up for me.

Yesterday, I was allowed to enter the prison with Mrs. Hammond. A Boer guard was by my side the whole time, but he was courteous and polite; he just wouldn’t let me cross a white line on the ground—the “death-line,” as one of the prisoners called it. I don't think he meant it seriously, though. I realized that I had met Hammond once when he was a senior at Yale and visiting General Franklin. I also found out that I had known Captain Mein quite well 32 years ago. One of the English prisoners had heard me give a lecture in London 23 years ago. After being introduced to all the prisoners, I got to see some of the cells and check out their food, beds, and so on. I was told in Johannesburg that Hammond's salary of $150,000 a year is still being paid, and that some of the others are still getting their salaries too. Hammond looked really well, and the same goes for all the others. When their troubles first hit, some of them were affected pretty hard; several got sick (Hammond included), two or three had to be taken to the hospital, and one of the favorites sadly lost his mind and killed himself last week. His funeral, attended by a grieving crowd of 10,000, replaced the public demonstration that the Americans were planning for me.

These prisoners are strong men, prominent men, and I believe they are all educated men. They are well off; some of them are wealthy. They have a lot of books to read, they play games and smoke, and for awhile they will be able to bear up in their captivity; but not for long, not for very long, I take it. I am told they have times of deadly brooding and depression. I made them a speech—sitting down. It just happened so. I don't prefer that attitude. Still, it has one advantage—it is only a talk, it doesn't take the form of a speech. I have tried it once before on this trip. However, if a body wants to make sure of having “liberty,” and feeling at home, he had better stand up, of course. I advised them at considerable length to stay where they were—they would get used to it and like it presently; if they got out they would only get in again somewhere else, by the look of their countenances; and I promised to go and see the President and do what I could to get him to double their jail-terms.

These prisoners are strong, influential men, and I believe they are all well-educated. They are financially secure; some of them are even wealthy. They have plenty of books to read, play games, and smoke, and for a while, they can manage their captivity; but not for long, not for very long, I think. I've heard they experience times of deep brooding and depression. I gave them a speech—while sitting down. It just happened that way. I don't usually prefer that position. Still, it has one advantage—it’s just a conversation, it doesn’t come off as a formal speech. I’ve tried this once before on this trip. However, if someone wants to ensure they have “freedom” and feel at home, they’d better stand up, obviously. I advised them at length to stay where they were—they’d get used to it and eventually like it; if they got out, they’d just end up back in again somewhere else, judging by their faces; and I promised to go see the President and do what I could to convince him to double their jail terms.

We had a very good sociable time till the permitted time was up and a little over, and we outsiders had to go. I went again to-day, but the Rev. Mr. Gray had just arrived, and the warden, a genial, elderly Boer named Du Plessis—explained that his orders wouldn't allow him to admit saint and sinner at the same time, particularly on a Sunday. Du Plessis—descended from the Huguenot fugitives, you see, of 200 years ago—but he hasn't any French left in him now—all Dutch.

We had a really great time socializing until it was past the allowed time, and we outsiders had to leave. I went again today, but the Rev. Mr. Gray had just arrived, and the warden, a friendly older Boer named Du Plessis, explained that he couldn't let both saints and sinners in at the same time, especially on a Sunday. Du Plessis is descended from the Huguenot refugees from 200 years ago, but he doesn’t have any French heritage left now—all Dutch.

It gravels me to think what a goose I was to make Livy and Clara remain in Durban; but I wanted to save them the 30-hour railway trip to Johannesburg. And Durban and its climate and opulent foliage were so lovely, and the friends there were so choice and so hearty that I sacrificed myself in their interests, as I thought. It is just the beginning of winter, and although the days are hot, the nights are cool. But it's lovely weather in these regions, too; and the friends are as lovely as the weather, and Johannesburg and Pretoria are brimming with interest. I talk here twice more, then return to Johannesburg next Wednesday for a fifth talk there; then to the Orange Free State capital, then to some town on the way to Port Elizabeth, where the two will join us by sea from Durban; then the gang will go to Kimberley and presently to the Cape—and so, in the course of time, we shall get through and sail for England; and then we will hunt up a quiet village and I will write and Livy edit, for a few months, while Clara and Susy and Jean study music and things in London.

It makes me feel bad to think what a fool I was to keep Livy and Clara in Durban; but I wanted to spare them the 30-hour train ride to Johannesburg. Plus, Durban, with its beautiful climate and lush greenery, was so nice, and the friends we had there were so great and welcoming that I thought I was doing the right thing for them. It's just the start of winter, and although the days are warm, the nights are cool. But the weather here is lovely too, and the friends are as wonderful as the weather, and both Johannesburg and Pretoria are full of interesting things to see. I have two more talks here, then I’ll head back to Johannesburg next Wednesday for a fifth talk there; then I'll go to the capital of the Orange Free State, and then to some town on the way to Port Elizabeth, where the two will meet us by sea from Durban; then the group will go to Kimberley and eventually to the Cape—and after some time, we’ll sail for England; and then we’ll find a quiet village where I’ll write and Livy will edit for a few months, while Clara, Susy, and Jean study music and other subjects in London.

We have had noble good times everywhere and every day, from Cleveland, July 15, to Pretoria, May 24, and never a dull day either on sea or land, notwithstanding the carbuncles and things. Even when I was laid up 10 days at Jeypore in India we had the charmingest times with English friends. All over India the English well, you will never know how good and fine they are till you see them.

We've had amazing experiences everywhere, every day, from Cleveland on July 15 to Pretoria on May 24, and not a single dull moment at sea or on land, despite the minor setbacks. Even when I was stuck for 10 days in Jeypore, India, we had a wonderful time with our English friends. Throughout India, the English—you'll never realize just how wonderful and kind they are until you see them.

Midnight and after! and I must do many things to-day, and lecture tonight.

Midnight and beyond! I have a lot to do today and a lecture to give tonight.

A world of thanks to you, Joe dear, and a world of love to all of you.

A huge thank you to you, dear Joe, and all my love to everyone.

                                             MARK.
MARK.
     Perhaps for readers of a later day a word as to what constituted the
     Jameson raid would not be out of place here.  Dr. Leander Starr
     Jameson was an English physician, located at Kimberley.  President
     Kruger (Oom Paul), head of the South African Republic, was one of
     his patients; also, Lobengula, the Matabele chief.  From Lobengula
     concessions were obtained which led to the formation of the South
     African Company.  Jameson gave up his profession and went in for
     conquest, associating himself with the projects of Cecil Rhodes.
     In time he became administrator of Rhodesia.  By the end of 1894.
     he was in high feather, and during a visit to England was feted as
     a sort of romantic conqueror of the olden time.  Perhaps this turned
     his head; at all events at the end of 1895 came the startling news
     that “Dr. Jim,” as he was called, at the head of six hundred men,
     had ridden into the Transvaal in support of a Rhodes scheme for an
     uprising at Johannesburg.  The raid was a failure.  Jameson, and
     those other knights of adventure, were captured by the forces of
     “Oom Paul,” and some of them barely escaped execution.  The Boer
     president handed them over to the English Government for punishment,
     and they received varying sentences, but all were eventually
     released.  Jameson, later, became again prominent in South-African
     politics, but there is no record of any further raids.

                     .........................

     The Clemens party sailed from South Africa the middle of July, 1896,
     and on the last day of the month reached England.  They had not
     planned to return to America, but to spend the winter in or near
     London in some quiet place where Clemens could write the book of his
     travels.

     The two daughters in America, Susy and Jean, were expected to arrive
     August 12th, but on that day there came, instead, a letter saying
     that Susy Clemens was not well enough to sail.  A cable inquiry was
     immediately sent, but the reply when it came was not satisfactory,
     and Mrs. Clemens and Clara sailed for America without further delay.
     This was on August 15th.  Three days later, in the old home at
     Hartford, Susy Clemens died of cerebral fever.  She had been
     visiting Mrs. Charles Dudley Warner, but by the physician's advice
     had been removed to the comfort and quiet of her own home, only a
     few steps away.

     Mark Twain, returning from his triumphant tour of the world in the
     hope that soon, now, he might be free from debt, with his family
     happily gathered about him, had to face alone this cruel blow.
     There was no purpose in his going to America; Susy would be buried
     long before his arrival.  He awaited in England the return of his
     broken family.  They lived that winter in a quiet corner of Chelsea,
     No. 23 Tedworth Square.
     Maybe it's helpful for future readers to know what the Jameson raid was all about. Dr. Leander Starr Jameson was an English doctor based in Kimberley. President Kruger (Oom Paul), the leader of the South African Republic, was one of his patients, along with Lobengula, the chief of the Matabele. Concessions were obtained from Lobengula that led to the creation of the South African Company. Jameson left his medical career to pursue conquest, partnering with Cecil Rhodes' ventures. Eventually, he became the administrator of Rhodesia. By the end of 1894, he was very well-regarded, and during a trip to England, he was celebrated as a sort of romantic conqueror of the past. Perhaps this went to his head; in any case, at the end of 1895, the shocking news broke that "Dr. Jim," as he was called, had led six hundred men into the Transvaal to support a Rhodes plan for a rebellion in Johannesburg. The raid failed. Jameson and his fellow adventurers were captured by "Oom Paul’s" forces, and some barely escaped execution. The Boer president handed them over to the British government for punishment, and they received various sentences, but eventually, all were released. Jameson later re-emerged in South African politics, but there’s no record of any further raids.

                     .........................

     The Clemens family set sail from South Africa in mid-July 1896 and arrived in England on the last day of the month. They had not intended to return to America, but instead planned to spend the winter in or near London in a quiet place where Clemens could write about his travels.

     Their two daughters in America, Susy and Jean, were expected to arrive on August 12th, but instead of that, they received a letter saying Susy Clemens was too unwell to sail. A cable inquiry was sent immediately, but the response was unsatisfactory, so Mrs. Clemens and Clara set off for America without delay on August 15th. Three days later, in their old home in Hartford, Susy Clemens died from cerebral fever. She had been visiting Mrs. Charles Dudley Warner but had been moved back to her own home, just a few steps away, at the doctor’s recommendation for comfort and quiet.

     Mark Twain, returning from his successful world tour with hopes of soon being debt-free and with his family gathered around him, had to face this harsh blow alone. There was no point in him going to America; Susy would be buried long before he arrived. He waited in England for his grieving family to come back. They spent that winter in a quiet corner of Chelsea, at No. 23 Tedworth Square.










To Rev. Joseph H. Twichell, in Hartford, Conn.:

To Rev. Joseph H. Twichell, in Hartford, CT:

                                        Permanent address:
                                        % CHATTO & WINDUS
                                        111 T.  MARTIN'S LANE, LONDON,
                                                       Sept.  27, '96.
                                        Permanent address:
                                        % CHATTO & WINDUS
                                        111 T. MARTIN'S LANE, LONDON,
                                                       Sept. 27, '96.

Through Livy and Katy I have learned, dear old Joe, how loyally you stood poor Susy's friend, and mine, and Livy's: how you came all the way down, twice, from your summer refuge on your merciful errands to bring the peace and comfort of your beloved presence, first to that poor child, and again to the broken heart of her poor desolate mother. It was like you; like your good great heart, like your matchless and unmatchable self. It was no surprise to me to learn that you stayed by Susy long hours, careless of fatigue and heat, it was no surprise to me to learn that you could still the storms that swept her spirit when no other could; for she loved you, revered you, trusted you, and “Uncle Joe” was no empty phrase upon her lips! I am grateful to you, Joe, grateful to the bottom of my heart, which has always been filled with love for you, and respect and admiration; and I would have chosen you out of all the world to take my place at Susy's side and Livy's in those black hours.

Through Livy and Katy, I've learned, dear old Joe, how faithfully you stood by poor Susy, and by me and Livy as well. You made the long trip down not once, but twice, from your summer retreat to bring peace and comfort with your cherished presence—first to that poor child, and again to her broken-hearted mother. It was so typical of you; of your big, kind heart, and of your one-of-a-kind self. I wasn’t surprised to hear that you spent long hours with Susy, ignoring your fatigue and the heat. I wasn’t surprised that you could calm the storms in her spirit when no one else could, because she loved you, looked up to you, trusted you, and “Uncle Joe” was a heartfelt title for her! I’m truly grateful to you, Joe, from the bottom of my heart, which has always held love, respect, and admiration for you. I would have chosen you above anyone else to be by Susy's side and Livy's during those dark times.

Susy was a rare creature; the rarest that has been reared in Hartford in this generation. And Livy knew it, and you knew it, and Charley Warner and George, and Harmony, and the Hillyers and the Dunhams and the Cheneys, and Susy and Lilly, and the Bunces, and Henry Robinson and Dick Burton, and perhaps others. And I also was of the number, but not in the same degree—for she was above my duller comprehension. I merely knew that she was my superior in fineness of mind, in the delicacy and subtlety of her intellect, but to fully measure her I was not competent. I know her better now; for I have read her private writings and sounded the deeps of her mind; and I know better, now, the treasure that was mine than I knew it when I had it. But I have this consolation: that dull as I was, I always knew enough to be proud when she commended me or my work—as proud as if Livy had done it herself—and I took it as the accolade from the hand of genius. I see now—as Livy always saw—that she had greatness in her; and that she herself was dimly conscious of it.

Susy was a unique person; the most exceptional one raised in Hartford during this generation. Livy knew it, you knew it, and Charley Warner, George, Harmony, the Hillyers, the Dunhams, the Cheneys, Susy and Lilly, the Bunces, Henry Robinson, and Dick Burton knew it too, along with maybe a few others. I included myself in that group, but not to the same extent—she was beyond my simpler understanding. I only recognized that she was smarter and had more finesse of mind, with a delicate and nuanced intellect, but I couldn't fully appreciate her depth. I understand her better now because I’ve read her private writings and explored the depths of her thoughts; I realize now what a treasure she was to me, more than I did when I had her. But I take comfort in knowing that, as dull as I was, I always recognized enough to feel proud when she praised me or my work—proud as if Livy had acknowledged me herself—and I took it as a recognition from a true genius. I see now—as Livy always did—that she had greatness within her; and that she was vaguely aware of it too.

And now she is dead—and I can never tell her.

And now she’s gone—and I can never tell her.

God bless you Joe—and all of your house.

God bless you, Joe—and everyone in your family.

                                             S. L. C.
S.L.C.










To Mr. Henry C. Robinson, Hartford, Conn.:

To Mr. Henry C. Robinson, Hartford, CT:

                                             LONDON, Sept.  28, '96.
LONDON, Sept. 28, 1996.

It is as you say, dear old friend, “the pathos of it” yes, it was a piteous thing—as piteous a tragedy as any the year can furnish. When we started westward upon our long trip at half past ten at night, July 14, 1895, at Elmira, Susy stood on the platform in the blaze of the electric light waving her good-byes to us as the train glided away, her mother throwing back kisses and watching her through her tears. One year, one month, and one week later, Clara and her mother having exactly completed the circuit of the globe, drew up at that platform at the same hour of the night, in the same train and the same car—and again Susy had come a journey and was near at hand to meet them. She was waiting in the house she was born in, in her coffin.

It’s exactly as you say, my dear old friend, “the pathos of it” — yes, it was truly heartbreaking; as heartbreaking a tragedy as any the year could provide. When we set off westward on our long journey at half past ten at night on July 14, 1895, in Elmira, Susy stood on the platform, lit up by the electric lights, waving goodbye to us as the train pulled away, her mother blowing kisses and watching her through tears. One year, one month, and one week later, Clara and her mother, having just completed a trip around the globe, arrived at that same platform at the same hour of the night, in the same train and car — and again, Susy had traveled a distance and was there to greet them. She was waiting in the house where she was born, in her coffin.

All the circumstances of this death were pathetic—my brain is worn to rags rehearsing them. The mere death would have been cruelty enough, without overloading it and emphasizing it with that score of harsh and wanton details. The child was taken away when her mother was within three days of her, and would have given three decades for sight of her.

All the circumstances surrounding this death were heartbreaking—my mind is worn out reliving them. The death itself would have been cruel enough, without piling on a bunch of harsh and unnecessary details. The child was taken away just three days before her mother could have seen her, and she would have traded thirty years for that moment.

In my despair and unassuageable misery I upbraid myself for ever parting with her. But there is no use in that. Since it was to happen it would have happened.

In my despair and endless misery, I blame myself for ever letting her go. But it doesn't help. If it was meant to be, it would have happened anyway.

                         With love
                                        S. L. C.
With love,  
S. L. C.
     The life at Tedworth Square that winter was one of almost complete
     privacy.  Of the hundreds of friends which Mark Twain had in London
     scarcely half a dozen knew his address.  He worked steadily on his
     book of travels, 'Following the Equator', and wrote few letters
     beyond business communications to Mr. Rogers.  In one of these he
     said, “I am appalled!  Here I am trying to load you up with work
     again after you have been dray-horsing over the same tiresome ground
     for a year.  It's too bad, and I am ashamed of it.”

     But late in November he sent a letter of a different sort—one that
     was to have an important bearing on the life of a girl today of
     unique and world-wide distinction.
     Life at Tedworth Square that winter was almost entirely private. Out of the hundreds of friends Mark Twain had in London, barely a half dozen knew his address. He worked consistently on his travel book, 'Following the Equator', and wrote very few letters aside from business correspondence with Mr. Rogers. In one of these letters, he said, “I am shocked! Here I am trying to load you up with work again after you have been hauling the same tedious load for a year. It's unfortunate, and I feel embarrassed about it.”

     But late in November, he sent a different kind of letter—one that would have a significant impact on the life of a girl today who holds a unique and world-wide distinction.










To Mrs. H. H. Rogers, in New York City:

To Mrs. H. H. Rogers, in New York City:

For and in behalf of Helen Keller, stone blind and deaf, and formerly dumb.

For and on behalf of Helen Keller, who is completely blind, deaf, and was previously unable to speak.

DEAR MRS. ROGERS,—Experience has convinced me that when one wishes to set a hard-worked man at something which he mightn't prefer to be bothered with, it is best to move upon him behind his wife. If she can't convince him it isn't worth while for other people to try.

DEAR MRS. ROGERS,—I've learned that when you want to get a busy man to do something he might not want to deal with, it’s best to approach him through his wife. If she can’t persuade him, it’s probably not worth it for anyone else to try.

Mr. Rogers will remember our visit with that astonishing girl at Lawrence Hutton's house when she was fourteen years old. Last July, in Boston, when she was 16 she underwent the Harvard examination for admission to Radcliffe College. She passed without a single condition. She was allowed the same amount of time that is granted to other applicants, and this was shortened in her case by the fact that the question papers had to be read to her. Yet she scored an average of 90 as against an average of 78 on the part of the other applicants.

Mr. Rogers will remember our visit with that amazing girl at Lawrence Hutton's house when she was fourteen. Last July, in Boston, when she was 16, she took the Harvard entrance exam for Radcliffe College. She passed without any conditions. She was given the same amount of time as other applicants, but her time was shortened because the question papers had to be read to her. Still, she scored an average of 90 compared to an average of 78 for the other applicants.

It won't do for America to allow this marvelous child to retire from her studies because of poverty. If she can go on with them she will make a fame that will endure in history for centuries. Along her special lines she is the most extraordinary product of all the ages.

It wouldn't be right for America to let this amazing child stop her studies just because of poverty. If she can continue them, she will create a legacy that will last for centuries. In her unique field, she is the most remarkable achievement of all time.

There is danger that she must retire from the struggle for a College degree for lack of support for herself and for Miss Sullivan, (the teacher who has been with her from the start—Mr. Rogers will remember her.) Mrs. Hutton writes to ask me to interest rich Englishmen in her case, and I would gladly try, but my secluded life will not permit it. I see nobody. Nobody knows my address. Nothing but the strictest hiding can enable me to write my long book in time.

There’s a risk that she might have to give up on getting her college degree because she doesn’t have enough support for herself and Miss Sullivan, her teacher since the beginning—Mr. Rogers will remember her. Mrs. Hutton is asking me to get wealthy Englishmen interested in her situation, and I would be happy to try, but my isolated life doesn’t allow for it. I don’t see anyone. Nobody knows my address. Only the strictest privacy can help me finish my long book on time.

So I thought of this scheme: Beg you to lay siege to your husband and get him to interest himself and Mess. John D. and William Rockefeller and the other Standard Oil chiefs in Helen's case; get them to subscribe an annual aggregate of six or seven hundred or a thousand dollars—and agree to continue this for three or four years, until she has completed her college course. I'm not trying to limit their generosity—indeed no, they may pile that Standard Oil, Helen Keller College Fund as high as they please, they have my consent.

So, I came up with this plan: I’m asking you to approach your husband and get him to take an interest in Helen's situation, along with Mess. John D., William Rockefeller, and the other heads of Standard Oil; persuade them to contribute a total of six or seven hundred or even a thousand dollars a year—and to commit to this for three or four years until she finishes her college degree. I’m not trying to cap their generosity—absolutely not, they can donate to that Standard Oil, Helen Keller College Fund as much as they want; they have my full support.

Mrs. Hutton's idea is to raise a permanent fund the interest upon which shall support Helen and her teacher and put them out of the fear of want. I shan't say a word against it, but she will find it a difficult and disheartening job, and meanwhile what is to become of that miraculous girl?

Mrs. Hutton's plan is to create a permanent fund where the interest will support Helen and her teacher, ensuring they no longer have to worry about basic needs. I won’t criticize it, but she will find it a tough and discouraging task, and in the meantime, what will happen to that incredible girl?

No, for immediate and sound effectiveness, the thing is for you to plead with Mr. Rogers for this hampered wonder of your sex, and send him clothed with plenary powers to plead with the other chiefs—they have spent mountains of money upon the worthiest benevolences, and I think that the same spirit which moved them to put their hands down through their hearts into their pockets in those cases will answer “Here!” when its name is called in this one. 638

No, for immediate and effective results, you need to ask Mr. Rogers to advocate for this limited opportunity for your group and send him fully empowered to negotiate with the other leaders. They've invested a lot of money in worthwhile causes, and I believe that the same spirit that drove them to contribute from the heart in those situations will respond positively when this cause is mentioned. 638

There—I don't need to apologize to you or to H. H. for this appeal that I am making; I know you too well for that.

There—I don't need to apologize to you or H. H. for this request I'm making; I know you both too well for that.

Good-bye with love to all of you

Goodbye with love to all of you

                                   S. L. CLEMENS.
Mark Twain.

Laurence Hutton is on the staff of Harper's Monthly—close by, and handy when wanted.

Laurence Hutton is on the team at Harper's Monthly—nearby, and easy to reach when needed.

     The plea was not made in vain.  Mr. and Mrs. Rogers interested
     themselves most liberally in Helen Keller's fortune, and certainly
     no one can say that any of those who contributed to her success ever
     had reason for disappointment.

     In his letter of grateful acknowledgment, which follows, Clemens
     also takes occasion to thank Mr. Rogers for his further efforts in
     the matter of his own difficulties.  This particular reference
     concerns the publishing, complications which by this time had arisen
     between the American Publishing Company, of Hartford, and the house
     in Franklin Square.
     The plea wasn't in vain. Mr. and Mrs. Rogers took a genuine interest in Helen Keller's future, and no one can claim that those who helped her achieve success ever felt let down.

     In his letter of thanks that follows, Clemens also takes a moment to express his gratitude to Mr. Rogers for his additional help with his own challenges. This specific reference relates to the publishing issues that had emerged by this time between the American Publishing Company in Hartford and the company in Franklin Square.
                                             LONDON, Dec.  22, '96.
LONDON, Dec. 22, '96.

DEAR MRS. ROGERS,—It is superb! And I am beyond measure grateful to you both. I knew you would be interested in that wonderful girl, and that Mr. Rogers was already interested in her and touched by her; and I was sure that if nobody else helped her you two would; but you have gone far and away beyond the sum I expected—may your lines fall in pleasant places here and Hereafter for it!

DEAR MRS. ROGERS,—It’s amazing! I can't thank you both enough. I knew you would be interested in that wonderful girl, and that Mr. Rogers was already drawn to her and moved by her; and I was certain that if no one else helped her, you two would. But you have gone far beyond what I expected—may your efforts be rewarded in this life and the next for it!

The Huttons are as glad and grateful as they can be, and I am glad for their sakes as well as for Helen's.

The Huttons are as happy and thankful as they can be, and I'm happy for them as well as for Helen.

I want to thank Mr. Rogers for crucifying himself again on the same old cross between Bliss and Harper; and goodness knows I hope he will come to enjoy it above all other dissipations yet, seeing that it has about it the elements of stability and permanency. However, at any time that he says sign, we're going to do it.

I want to thank Mr. Rogers for putting himself through the same old struggle between Bliss and Harper; and honestly, I hope he starts to find joy in it above all his other distractions, considering it has some elements of stability and permanence. But whenever he says go, we're going to do it.

                         Ever sincerely Yours
                                        S. L. CLEMENS.
                         Always sincerely yours
                                        S. L. CLEMENS.




XXXVI. LETTERS 1897. LONDON, SWITZERLAND, VIENNA

     Mark Twain worked steadily on his book that sad winter and
     managed to keep the gloom out of his chapters, though it is
     noticeable that 'Following the Equator' is more serious than
     his other books of travel. He wrote few letters, and these
     only to his three closest friends, Howells, Twichell, and
     Rogers.  In the letter to Twichell, which follows, there is
     mention of two unfinished manuscripts which he expects to
     resume.  One of these was a dream story, enthusiastically
     begun, but perhaps with insufficient plot to carry it
     through, for it never reached conclusion.  He had already
     tried it in one or two forms and would begin it again
     presently.  The identity of the other tale is uncertain.
     Mark Twain worked steadily on his book during that bleak winter and managed to keep the heaviness out of his chapters, although it's clear that 'Following the Equator' is more serious than his other travel books. He wrote very few letters, and those were only to his three closest friends: Howells, Twichell, and Rogers. In the following letter to Twichell, he mentions two unfinished manuscripts that he plans to return to. One of these was a dream story, which he started with great enthusiasm but may not have had enough plot to carry it through, as it never reached a conclusion. He had already attempted it in one or two forms and intended to start it again soon. The identity of the other story is uncertain.










To Rev. J. H. Twichell, in Hartford:

To Rev. J. H. Twichell, in Hartford:

                                             LONDON, Jan. 19, '97.
LONDON, Jan. 19, 1997.

DEAR JOE,—Do I want you to write to me? Indeed I do. I do not want most people to write, but I do want you to do it. The others break my heart, but you will not. You have a something divine in you that is not in other men. You have the touch that heals, not lacerates. And you know the secret places of our hearts. You know our life—the outside of it—as the others do—and the inside of it—which they do not. You have seen our whole voyage. You have seen us go to sea, a cloud of sail—and the flag at the peak; and you see us now, chartless, adrift—derelicts; battered, water-logged, our sails a ruck of rags, our pride gone. For it is gone. And there is nothing in its place. The vanity of life was all we had, and there is no more vanity left in us. We are even ashamed of that we had; ashamed that we trusted the promises of life and builded high—to come to this!

DEAR JOE,—Do I want you to write to me? Absolutely. I usually don’t want most people to write, but I really want you to. The others break my heart, but you won’t. You have something special in you that others don’t have. You have a healing touch instead of a hurting one. You understand the hidden parts of our hearts. You know our life—the surface of it—just like the others do—but you also know the deeper side, which they don’t. You’ve witnessed our entire journey. You’ve seen us set sail, a cloud of sails—and the flag at the top; and you see us now, lost and directionless—abandoned; battered, waterlogged, our sails in tatters, our pride shattered. Because it is gone. And there’s nothing to replace it. The emptiness of life was all we had, and now there’s no more emptiness left in us. We’re even ashamed of what we once had; ashamed that we believed in life’s promises and aimed high—to end up like this!

I did know that Susy was part of us; I did not know that she could go away; I did not know that she could go away, and take our lives with her, yet leave our dull bodies behind. And I did not know what she was. To me she was but treasure in the bank; the amount known, the need to look at it daily, handle it, weigh it, count it, realize it, not necessary; and now that I would do it, it is too late; they tell me it is not there, has vanished away in a night, the bank is broken, my fortune is gone, I am a pauper. How am I to comprehend this? How am I to have it? Why am I robbed, and who is benefited?

I knew that Susy was one of us; I never realized she could leave; I didn’t know she could leave and take our lives with her while leaving our dull bodies behind. And I didn’t understand what she truly was. To me, she was just like money in the bank; the amount was known, but I didn’t feel the need to look at it every day, handle it, weigh it, or count it. Now that I want to, it’s too late; they tell me it’s gone, vanished overnight, the bank is bankrupt, my fortune is lost, and I’m poor. How am I supposed to understand this? How am I supposed to deal with it? Why was I robbed, and who benefits from this?

Ah, well, Susy died at home. She had that privilege. Her dying eyes rested upon nothing that was strange to them, but only upon things which they had known and loved always and which had made her young years glad; and she had you, and Sue, and Katy, and John, and Ellen. This was happy fortune—I am thankful that it was vouchsafed to her. If she had died in another house-well, I think I could not have borne that. To us, our house was not unsentient matter—it had a heart, and a soul, and eyes to see us with; and approvals, and solicitudes, and deep sympathies; it was of us, and we were in its confidence, and lived in its grace and in the peace of its benediction. We never came home from an absence that its face did not light up and speak out its eloquent welcome—and we could not enter it unmoved. And could we now, oh, now, in spirit we should enter it unshod.

Ah, well, Susy died at home. She had that privilege. Her dying eyes rested on nothing unfamiliar but only on the things she had always known and loved, which had filled her younger years with joy; and she had you, and Sue, and Katy, and John, and Ellen. This was a fortunate blessing—I’m grateful that she had it. If she had died in another house—well, I think I couldn’t have handled that. For us, our house was not just lifeless matter—it had a heart, a soul, and eyes to see us with; it had approvals, cares, and deep sympathies; it was part of us, and we were in its embrace, living in its kindness and the peace of its blessing. We never returned home from being away without its face lighting up and offering us a warm welcome—and we could never enter it without feeling moved. And could we now, oh, now, in spirit we would enter it barefoot.

I am trying to add to the “assets” which you estimate so generously. No, I am not. The thought is not in my mind. My purpose is other. I am working, but it is for the sake of the work—the “surcease of sorrow” that is found there. I work all the days, and trouble vanishes away when I use that magic. This book will not long stand between it and me, now; but that is no matter, I have many unwritten books to fly to for my preservation; the interval between the finishing of this one and the beginning of the next will not be more than an hour, at most. Continuances, I mean; for two of them are already well along—in fact have reached exactly the same stage in their journey: 19,000 words each. The present one will contain 180,000 words—130,000 are done. I am well protected; but Livy! She has nothing in the world to turn to; nothing but housekeeping, and doing things for the children and me. She does not see people, and cannot; books have lost their interest for her. She sits solitary; and all the day, and all the days, wonders how it all happened, and why. We others were always busy with our affairs, but Susy was her comrade—had to be driven from her loving persecutions—sometimes at 1 in the morning. To Livy the persecutions were welcome. It was heaven to her to be plagued like that. But it is ended now. Livy stands so in need of help; and none among us all could help her like you.

I’m trying to add to the “assets” you estimate so generously. No, I’m not. That thought hasn’t crossed my mind. My purpose is different. I’m working, but it’s for the sake of the work itself—the “relief from sorrow” that can be found there. I work every day, and troubles fade away when I tap into that magic. This book won’t be a barrier between it and me for much longer; but that doesn’t matter, I have many unwritten books to escape to for my comfort; the time between finishing this one and starting the next won’t be more than an hour, at most. I mean continuances, because two of them are already well on their way—each reached exactly the same point in their progress: 19,000 words each. This current one will have 180,000 words—130,000 are already done. I’m well protected; but Livy! She has nothing in the world to turn to; all she has is housekeeping, and doing things for the kids and me. She doesn’t see people, and she can’t; books have lost their appeal for her. She sits alone, day in and day out, wondering how it all happened, and why. We were always busy with our own lives, but Susy was her companion—had to be pushed away from her loving annoyances—sometimes even at 1 in the morning. To Livy, those annoyances were welcome. It was pure joy for her to be bothered like that. But it’s over now. Livy desperately needs help; and none of us can assist her like you can.

Some day you and I will walk again, Joe, and talk. I hope so. We could have such talks! We are all grateful to you and Harmony—how grateful it is not given to us to say in words. We pay as we can, in love; and in this coin practicing no economy.

Some day you and I will walk and talk again, Joe, and I really hope so. We could have some amazing conversations! We all appreciate you and Harmony—it's hard to put just how grateful we are into words. We give back as much as we can, with love; and we don't hold back when it comes to that.

                         Good bye, dear old Joe!
                                                  MARK.
Goodbye, dear old Joe!  
                                                  MARK.
     The letters to Mr. Rogers were, for the most part, on matters of
     business, but in one of them he said: “I am going to write with all
     my might on this book, and follow it up with others as fast as I can
     in the hope that within three years I can clear out the stuff that
     is in me waiting to be written, and that I shall then die in the
     promptest kind of a way and no fooling around.”  And in one he
     wrote: “You are the best friend ever a man had, and the surest.”
 
     The letters to Mr. Rogers were mostly about business, but in one of them he said: “I’m going to write this book with all my effort and follow it up with others as quickly as I can, hoping that in three years I can finish everything that’s in me waiting to be written, and then I’ll die in the quickest way possible without any nonsense.” And in another, he wrote: “You are the best friend a man could ever have, and the most reliable.”










To W. D. Howells, in New York

To W. D. Howells, in New York

                                                  LONDON, Feb. 23, '97.
LONDON, Feb. 23, 1997.

DEAR HOWELLS,—I find your generous article in the Weekly, and I want to thank you for its splendid praises, so daringly uttered and so warmly. The words stir the dead heart of me, and throw a glow of color into a life which sometimes seems to have grown wholly wan. I don't mean that I am miserable; no—worse than that—indifferent. Indifferent to nearly everything but work. I like that; I enjoy it, and stick to it. I do it without purpose and without ambition; merely for the love of it.

DEAR HOWELLS,—I came across your generous article in the Weekly, and I want to thank you for your amazing praises, so boldly expressed and so heartfelt. Your words awaken something inside me and bring a burst of color to a life that sometimes feels completely dull. I'm not saying I'm miserable; it’s worse than that—I'm indifferent. Indifferent to almost everything except work. I like it; I enjoy it, and I stay committed to it. I do it without any specific goal or ambition—just for the love of it.

This mood will pass, some day—there is history for it. But it cannot pass until my wife comes up out of the submergence. She was always so quick to recover herself before, but now there is no rebound, and we are dead people who go through the motions of life. Indeed I am a mud image, and it will puzzle me to know what it is in me that writes, and has comedy-fancies and finds pleasure in phrasing them. It is a law of our nature, of course, or it wouldn't happen; the thing in me forgets the presence of the mud image and goes its own way, wholly unconscious of it and apparently of no kinship with it. I have finished my book, but I go on as if the end were indefinitely away—as indeed it is. There is no hurry—at any rate there is no limit.

This mood will eventually fade—there's a history to that. But it can't go away until my wife comes back from her deep state of sadness. She used to bounce back so quickly before, but now there’s no recovery, and we feel like ghosts just going through the motions of living. Honestly, I feel like a lifeless statue, and I’m confused about what part of me is still capable of writing, dreaming up funny ideas, and enjoying the way to express them. It must be a natural law, or else it wouldn’t happen; the part of me that creates forgets the existence of this lifeless statue and continues on, completely unaware of it and seeming to have no connection to it. I've finished my book, but I go on as if the end is way off—because it is. There’s no rush—at least, there’s no limit.

Jean's spirits are good; Clara's are rising. They have youth—the only thing that was worth giving to the race.

Jean is in a good mood, and Clara's spirits are lifting. They have youth—the only thing that was truly worth passing on to future generations.

These are sardonic times. Look at Greece, and that whole shabby muddle. But I am not sorry to be alive and privileged to look on. If I were not a hermit I would go to the House every day and see those people scuffle over it and blether about the brotherhood of the human race. This has been a bitter year for English pride, and I don't like to see England humbled—that is, not too much. We are sprung from her loins, and it hurts me. I am for republics, and she is the only comrade we've got, in that. We can't count France, and there is hardly enough of Switzerland to count. Beneath the governing crust England is sound-hearted—and sincere, too, and nearly straight. But I am appalled to notice that the wide extension of the surface has damaged her manners, and made her rather Americanly uncourteous on the lower levels.

These are sarcastic times. Just look at Greece and all that mess. But I'm not sorry to be alive and able to watch it all unfold. If I weren’t a hermit, I would go to the House every day and see those people struggle with it and ramble on about the brotherhood of humanity. This has been a tough year for English pride, and I don’t like seeing England brought low—not too much, anyway. We come from her roots, and it pains me. I support republics, and she’s the only ally we have in that. We can’t count France, and there’s barely enough of Switzerland to matter. Beneath the surface, England has a good heart—and she’s sincere, too, and mostly decent. But I’m shocked to see that the vastness of her influence has affected her manners and made her somewhat disrespectful on the lower levels, almost like Americans.

Won't you give our love to the Howellses all and particular?

Won't you send our love to the Howells family, everyone included?

                         Sincerely yours
                                        S. L. CLEMENS.
Best regards,  
S. L. CLEMENS.
     The travel-book did not finish easily, and more than once when he
     thought it completed he found it necessary to cut and add and
     change.  The final chapters were not sent to the printer until the
     middle of May, and in a letter to Mr. Rogers he commented: “A
     successful book is not made of what is in it, but what is left out
     of it.”  Clemens was at the time contemplating a uniform edition of
     his books, and in one of his letters to Mr. Rogers on the matter he
     wrote, whimsically, “Now I was proposing to make a thousand sets at
     a hundred dollars a set, and do the whole canvassing myself.....  I
     would load up every important jail and saloon in America with de
     luxe editions of my books.  But Mrs. Clemens and the children object
     to this, I do not know why.”  And, in a moment of depression: “You
     see the lightning refuses to strike me—there is where the defect
     is.  We have to do our own striking as Barney Barnato did.  But
     nobody ever gets the courage until he goes crazy.”

     They went to Switzerland for the summer to the village of Weggis, on
     Lake Lucerne—“The charmingest place we ever lived in,” he declared,
     “for repose, and restfulness, and superb scenery.”  It was here that
     he began work on a new story of Tom and Huck, and at least upon one
     other manuscript.  From a brief note to Mr. Rogers we learn
     something of his employments and economies.
     The travel book didn't finish easily, and more than once, when he thought it was done, he found it necessary to cut, add, and change things. The final chapters were not sent to the printer until the middle of May, and in a letter to Mr. Rogers, he noted, “A successful book is not made of what is in it, but what is left out of it.” Clemens was thinking about a uniform edition of his books at the time, and in one of his letters to Mr. Rogers about it, he jokingly wrote, “Now I was planning to make a thousand sets at a hundred dollars a set, and do all the canvassing myself..... I would load up every important jail and saloon in America with deluxe editions of my books. But Mrs. Clemens and the kids don’t like this; I don't know why.” And, in a moment of feeling down: “You see, the lightning refuses to strike me—there’s where the problem is. We have to do our own striking like Barney Barnato did. But nobody ever gets the courage until they go crazy.”

     They went to Switzerland for the summer to the village of Weggis, on Lake Lucerne—“The most charming place we ever lived in,” he declared, “for peace, relaxation, and stunning scenery.” It was here that he began working on a new story about Tom and Huck, along with at least one other manuscript. From a brief note to Mr. Rogers, we learn something about his activities and budgeting.










To Henry H. Rogers, in New York:

To Henry H. Rogers, in New York:

                         LUCERNE, August the something or other, 1897.
LUCERNE, August __, 1897.

DEAR MR. ROGERS,—I am writing a novel, and am getting along very well with it.

DEAR MR. ROGERS, — I’m writing a novel and making great progress with it.

I believe that this place (Weggis, half an hour from Lucerne,) is the loveliest in the world, and the most satisfactory. We have a small house on the hillside all to ourselves, and our meals are served in it from the inn below on the lake shore. Six francs a day per head, house and food included. The scenery is beyond comparison beautiful. We have a row boat and some bicycles, and good roads, and no visitors. Nobody knows we are here. And Sunday in heaven is noisy compared to this quietness.

I think this place (Weggis, half an hour from Lucerne) is the most beautiful and satisfying in the world. We have a little house on the hillside that’s all ours, and our meals are brought up from the inn down by the lake. It’s six francs a day per person, with house and meals included. The scenery is unbelievably gorgeous. We have a rowboat and some bicycles, great roads, and no other visitors. Nobody knows we’re here. A Sunday in heaven is loud compared to this peace.

                         Sincerely yours
                                        S. L. C.
Best regards  
                                        S. L. C.










To Rev. J. H. Twichell, in Hartford:

To Rev. J. H. Twichell, in Hartford:

                                                  LUCERNE, Aug. 22, '97.
LUCERNE, Aug. 22, 1997.

DEAR JOE,—Livy made a noble find on the Lucerne boat the other day on one of her shopping trips—George Williamson Smith—did I tell you about it? We had a lovely time with him, and such intellectual refreshment as we had not tasted in many a month.

DEAR JOE,—Livy discovered something amazing on the Lucerne boat the other day during one of her shopping trips—George Williamson Smith—did I mention that to you? We had a great time with him, and it was an intellectual refreshment we hadn’t experienced in a long time.

And the other night we had a detachment of the jubilee Singers—6. I had known one of them in London 24 years ago. Three of the 6 were born in slavery, the others were children of slaves. How charming they were—in spirit, manner, language, pronunciation, enunciation, grammar, phrasing, matter, carriage, clothes—in every detail that goes to make the real lady and gentleman, and welcome guest. We went down to the village hotel and bought our tickets and entered the beer-hall, where a crowd of German and Swiss men and women sat grouped at round tables with their beer mugs in front of them—self-contained and unimpressionable looking people, an indifferent and unposted and disheartened audience—and up at the far end of the room sat the Jubilees in a row. The Singers got up and stood—the talking and glass jingling went on. Then rose and swelled out above those common earthly sounds one of those rich chords the secret of whose make only the Jubilees possess, and a spell fell upon that house. It was fine to see the faces light up with the pleased wonder and surprise of it. No one was indifferent any more; and when the singers finished, the camp was theirs. It was a triumph. It reminded me of Launcelot riding in Sir Kay's armor and astonishing complacent Knights who thought they had struck a soft thing. The Jubilees sang a lot of pieces. Arduous and painstaking cultivation has not diminished or artificialized their music, but on the contrary—to my surprise—has mightily reinforced its eloquence and beauty. Away back in the beginning—to my mind—their music made all other vocal music cheap; and that early notion is emphasized now. It is utterly beautiful, to me; and it moves me infinitely more than any other music can. I think that in the Jubilees and their songs America has produced the perfectest flower of the ages; and I wish it were a foreign product, so that she would worship it and lavish money on it and go properly crazy over it.

And the other night we had a group of the jubilee Singers—6. I had known one of them in London 24 years ago. Three of the 6 were born into slavery, while the others were children of slaves. They were so charming—in spirit, manner, language, pronunciation, enunciation, grammar, phrasing, presence, clothing—in every detail that defines a true lady and gentleman, and a welcomed guest. We went down to the village hotel, bought our tickets, and entered the beer hall, where a crowd of German and Swiss men and women sat at round tables with beer mugs in front of them—self-contained and unimpressed-looking people, an indifferent and unresponsive audience—and at the far end of the room sat the Jubilees in a row. The Singers got up and stood—the chatter and clinking of glasses continued. Then, above those ordinary earthly sounds, rose a rich chord that only the Jubilees possess, and a spell fell over the room. It was wonderful to see the faces light up with delighted wonder and surprise. No one was indifferent anymore; and when the singers finished, the audience was theirs. It was a triumph. It reminded me of Launcelot riding in Sir Kay's armor and amazing the complacent Knights who thought they had an easy target. The Jubilees sang many pieces. The hard work and careful practice have not diminished or artificialized their music; on the contrary—to my surprise—it has greatly enhanced its eloquence and beauty. Back in the beginning—to me—their music made all other vocal music seem inferior; and that early view is even stronger now. It is incredibly beautiful to me; and it moves me far more than any other music can. I believe that in the Jubilees and their songs, America has produced the finest expression of the ages; and I wish it were a foreign product so that people would cherish it, spend money on it, and go truly wild over it.

Now, these countries are different: they would do all that, if it were native. It is true they praise God, but that is merely a formality, and nothing in it; they open out their whole hearts to no foreigner.

Now, these countries are different: they would do all that if it were local. It's true they praise God, but that's just for show, and there's nothing behind it; they don’t fully open their hearts to any outsider.

The musical critics of the German press praise the Jubilees with great enthusiasm—acquired technique etc, included.

The music critics in the German press enthusiastically praise the Jubilees, highlighting their technical skills and more.

One of the jubilee men is a son of General Joe Johnson, and was educated by him after the war. The party came up to the house and we had a pleasant time.

One of the jubilee men is the son of General Joe Johnson and was educated by him after the war. The group came up to the house, and we had a great time.

This is paradise, here—but of course we have got to leave it by and by. The 18th of August—[Anniversary of Susy Clemens's death.]—has come and gone, Joe—and we still seem to live.

This is paradise here—but, of course, we have to leave it sooner or later. The 18th of August—[Anniversary of Susy Clemens's death.]—has come and gone, Joe—and we still seem to be here.

                         With love from us all.
                                                  MARK.
                         With love from all of us.
                                                  MARK.
     Clemens declared he would as soon spend his life in Weggis “as
     anywhere else in the geography,” but October found them in Vienna
     for the winter, at the Hotel Metropole.  The Austrian capital was
     just then in a political turmoil, the character of which is hinted
     in the following:
     Clemens said he'd rather spend his life in Weggis "than anywhere else in the world," but by October, they were in Vienna for the winter, staying at the Hotel Metropole. The Austrian capital was experiencing political turmoil at that time, as suggested in the following:










To Rev. J. H. Twichell, in Hartford:

To Rev. J. H. Twichell, in Hartford:

                                             HOTEL METROPOLE,
                                                  VIENNA, Oct. 23, '97.
                                             HOTEL METROPOLE,
                                                  VIENNA, Oct. 23, '97.

DEAR JOE,—We are gradually getting settled down and wonted. Vienna is not a cheap place to live in, but I have made one small arrangement which: has a distinctly economical aspect. The Vice Consul made the contract for me yesterday-to-wit: a barber is to come every morning 8.30 and shave me and keep my hair trimmed for $2.50 a month. I used to pay $1.50 per shave in our house in Hartford.

DEAR JOE,—We're slowly getting settled in and used to things. Vienna isn't a cheap place to live, but I've made a small arrangement that definitely saves money. The Vice Consul set it up for me yesterday: a barber will come every morning at 8:30 to shave me and keep my hair trimmed for $2.50 a month. I used to pay $1.50 for each shave back in Hartford.

Does it suggest to you reflections when you reflect that this is the most important event which has happened to me in ten days—unless I count—in my handing a cabman over to the police day before yesterday, with the proper formalities, and promised to appear in court when his case comes up.

Does it make you think when you realize that this is the biggest thing that has happened to me in ten days—unless I include that time I turned a cab driver in to the police the day before yesterday, following all the proper procedures, and I promised to go to court when his case is heard?

If I had time to run around and talk, I would do it; for there is much politics agoing, and it would be interesting if a body could get the hang of it. It is Christian and Jew by the horns—the advantage with the superior man, as usual—the superior man being the Jew every time and in all countries. Land, Joe, what chance would the Christian have in a country where there were 3 Jews to 10 Christians! Oh, not the shade of a shadow of a chance. The difference between the brain of the average Christian and that of the average Jew—certainly in Europe—is about the difference between a tadpole's and an Archbishop's. It's a marvelous, race—by long odds the most marvelous that the world has produced, I suppose.

If I had time to run around and chat, I would do it because there’s a lot of politics going on, and it would be interesting to figure it all out. It’s Christians and Jews in a struggle—the advantage always goes to the superior man, who is usually the Jew in every country. Land, Joe, what chance would a Christian have in a place where there are 3 Jews for every 10 Christians? Oh, not a chance at all. The difference between the intelligence of the average Christian and that of the average Jew—especially in Europe—is like the difference between a tadpole’s and an Archbishop’s. It’s a remarkable race—by far the most remarkable that the world has ever produced, I guess.

And there's more politics—the clash between Czech and Austrian. I wish I could understand these quarrels, but of course I can't.

And there's more politics—the conflict between Czech and Austrian. I wish I could make sense of these arguments, but of course I can't.

With the abounding love of us all

With the overwhelming love from all of us

                                        MARK.
MARK.
     In Following the Equator there was used an amusing picture showing
     Mark Twain on his trip around the world.  It was a trick photograph
     made from a picture of Mark Twain taken in a steamer-chair, cut out
     and combined with a dilapidated negro-cart drawn by a horse and an
     ox.  In it Clemens appears to be sitting luxuriously in the end of
     the disreputable cart.  His companions are two negroes.  To the
     creator of this ingenious effect Mark Twain sent a characteristic
     acknowledgment.
     In Following the Equator, there was a funny image featuring Mark Twain on his journey around the world. It was a manipulated photo made from a picture of Mark Twain sitting in a steamer chair, cut out and placed onto a rundown cart pulled by a horse and an ox. In the image, Clemens looks like he’s sitting comfortably at the back of the shabby cart. His companions are two Black men. To the person who created this clever effect, Mark Twain sent a typical acknowledgment.










To T. S. Frisbie

To T. S. Frisbie

                                                  VIENNA, Oct. 25, '97.
VIENNA, Oct. 25, 1997.

MR. T. S. FRISBIE,—Dear Sir: The picture has reached me, and has moved me deeply. That was a steady, sympathetic and honorable team, and although it was not swift, and not showy, it pulled me around the globe successfully, and always attracted its proper share of attention, even in the midst of the most costly and fashionable turnouts. Princes and dukes and other experts were always enthused by the harness and could hardly keep from trying to buy it. The barouche does not look as fine, now, as it did earlier-but that was before the earthquake.

MR. T. S. FRISBIE,—Dear Sir: The picture has arrived, and it has deeply moved me. That was a strong, supportive, and respectable team, and even though it wasn't fast or flashy, it successfully took me around the world and always got its fair share of attention, even amongst the most extravagant and stylish turnouts. Princes, dukes, and other experts were always impressed by the harness and could hardly resist trying to purchase it. The barouche doesn’t look as nice now as it did before—but that was before the earthquake.

The portraits of myself and uncle and nephew are very good indeed, and your impressionist reproduction of the palace of the Governor General of India is accurate and full of tender feeling.

The portraits of me, my uncle, and my nephew are really great, and your impressionist version of the palace of the Governor General of India is spot on and filled with a lot of emotion.

I consider that this picture is much more than a work of art. How much more, one cannot say with exactness, but I should think two-thirds more.

I believe this picture is way more than just a piece of art. How much more, I can't say for sure, but I'd guess about two-thirds more.

                    Very truly yours
                                   MARK TWAIN.
Sincerely,  
                                   MARK TWAIN.
     Following the Equator was issued by subscription through Mark
     Twain's old publishers, the Blisses, of Hartford.  The sale of it
     was large, not only on account of the value of the book itself, but
     also because of the sympathy of the American people with Mark
     Twain's brave struggle to pay his debts.  When the newspapers began
     to print exaggerated stories of the vast profits that were piling
     up, Bliss became worried, for he thought it would modify the
     sympathy.  He cabled Clemens for a denial, with the following
     result:
     Following the Equator was published by subscription through Mark Twain's longtime publishers, the Blisses, in Hartford. The sales were significant, not just due to the value of the book itself but also because the American public felt sympathy for Mark Twain's courageous fight to pay off his debts. When the newspapers started running exaggerated stories about the huge profits being made, Bliss began to worry, thinking it would lessen the sympathy. He cabled Clemens for a denial, resulting in the following:










To Frank E. Bliss, in Hartford:

To Frank E. Bliss, in Hartford:

                                             VIENNA, Nov. 4, 1897.
VIENNA, Nov. 4, 1897.

DEAR BLISS,—Your cablegram informing me that a report is in circulation which purports to come from me and which says I have recently made $82,000 and paid all my debts has just reached me, and I have cabled back my regret to you that it is not true. I wrote a letter—a private letter—a short time ago, in which I expressed the belief that I should be out of debt within the next twelvemonth. If you make as much as usual for me out of the book, that belief will crystallize into a fact, and I shall be wholly out of debt. I am encoring you now.

DEAR BLISS, — I just got your message telling me that there's a rumor going around claiming I made $82,000 recently and have paid off all my debts. I regret to inform you that it’s not true. A little while ago, I wrote a private letter where I mentioned that I believe I’ll be debt-free within the next year. If you manage to earn your usual amount from the book for me, that belief will become a reality, and I’ll be completely out of debt. I’m counting on you now.

It is out of that moderate letter that the Eighty-Two Thousand-Dollar mare's nest has developed. But why do you worry about the various reports? They do not worry me. They are not unfriendly, and I don't see how they can do any harm. Be patient; you have but a little while to wait; the possible reports are nearly all in. It has been reported that I was seriously ill—it was another man; dying—it was another man; dead—the other man again. It has been reported that I have received a legacy it was another man; that I am out of debt—it was another man; and now comes this $82,000—still another man. It has been reported that I am writing books—for publication; I am not doing anything of the kind. It would surprise (and gratify) me if I should be able to get another book ready for the press within the next three years. You can see, yourself, that there isn't anything more to be reported—invention is exhausted. Therefore, don't worry, Bliss—the long night is breaking. As far as I can see, nothing remains to be reported, except that I have become a foreigner. When you hear it, don't you believe it. And don't take the trouble to deny it. Merely just raise the American flag on our house in Hartford, and let it talk.

It’s from that moderate letter that the $82,000 mess has come about. But why are you worried about the different reports? They don’t bother me. They’re not hostile, and I don’t see how they can cause any harm. Just be patient; you only have a little while to wait; most of the possible reports are in. It’s been said that I was seriously ill—it was another guy; dying—it was another guy; dead—again, another guy. It’s been said that I received a legacy, but it was another guy; that I’m out of debt—it was another guy; and now this $82,000—another guy again. It’s been reported that I’m writing books for publication; I’m not doing anything of the sort. It would surprise (and please) me if I could get another book ready for publication in the next three years. You can see for yourself that there’s nothing more to report—creativity is tapped out. So, don’t worry, Bliss—the long night is ending. As far as I can tell, there’s nothing left to report except that I’ve become a foreigner. When you hear it, don’t believe it. And don’t bother denying it. Just raise the American flag on our house in Hartford, and let it speak for itself.

                                   Truly yours,
                                             MARK TWAIN.
Sincerely,  
                                             MARK TWAIN.

P. S. This is not a private letter. I am getting tired of private letters.

P.S. This isn’t a private letter. I’m getting tired of private letters.










To Rev. J. H. Twichell, in Hartford:

To Rev. J. H. Twichell, in Hartford:

                                             VIENNA
                                        HOTEL METROPOLE, NOV. 19, '97.
                                             VIENNA
                                        HOTEL METROPOLE, NOV. 19, '97.

DEAR JOE,—Above is our private (and permanent) address for the winter. You needn't send letters by London.

DEAR JOE,—Above is our private (and permanent) address for the winter. You don't need to send letters through London.

I am very much obliged for Forrest's Austro-Hungarian articles. I have just finished reading the first one: and in it I find that his opinion and Vienna's are the same, upon a point which was puzzling me—the paucity (no, the absence) of Austrian Celebrities. He and Vienna both say the country cannot afford to allow great names to grow up; that the whole safety and prosperity of the Empire depends upon keeping things quiet; can't afford to have geniuses springing up and developing ideas and stirring the public soul. I am assured that every time a man finds himself blooming into fame, they just softly snake him down and relegate him to a wholesome obscurity. It is curious and interesting.

I really appreciate Forrest's articles about Austro-Hungary. I just finished reading the first one, and I see that his views align with those of Vienna on a point that's been bothering me – the lack (actually, the complete absence) of famous Austrians. Both he and Vienna agree that the country can't afford to let great names emerge; that the overall safety and success of the Empire relies on keeping things low-key; they can't risk having geniuses rise up, develop new ideas, and awaken the public spirit. I’ve been told that whenever someone starts to gain fame, they just quietly push him down and send him back to a comfortable obscurity. It's fascinating and thought-provoking.

Three days ago the New York World sent and asked a friend of mine (correspondent of a London daily) to get some Christmas greetings from the celebrities of the Empire. She spoke of this. Two or three bright Austrians were present. They said “There are none who are known all over the world! none who have achieved fame; none who can point to their work and say it is known far and wide in the earth: there are no names; Kossuth (known because he had a father) and Lecher, who made the 12 hour speech; two names-nothing more. Every other country in the world, perhaps, has a giant or two whose heads are away up and can be seen, but ours. We've got the material—have always had it—but we have to suppress it; we can't afford to let it develop; our political salvation depends upon tranquillity—always has.”

Three days ago, the New York World asked a friend of mine, who writes for a London newspaper, to collect some Christmas greetings from the famous people in the Empire. She mentioned this. Two or three spirited Austrians were there. They said, “There are no names that are recognized worldwide! No one has really made a name for themselves; no one can point to their work and say it’s known all over the globe: just two names—Kossuth (known because of his father) and Lecher, who gave the 12-hour speech; that’s it. Every other country in the world probably has a giant or two whose names stand out, but not ours. We have the talent—always have—but we have to hold it back; we can’t let it grow; our political survival depends on staying calm—always has.”

Poor Livy! She is laid up with rheumatism; but she is getting along now. We have a good doctor, and he says she will be out of bed in a couple of days, but must stay in the house a week or ten.

Poor Livy! She's stuck in bed with rheumatism, but she's improving now. We have a good doctor, and he says she'll be out of bed in a couple of days, but she needs to stay in the house for a week or ten days.

Clara is working faithfully at her music, Jean at her usual studies, and we all send love.

Clara is diligently working on her music, Jean is focused on her studies as usual, and we're all sending our love.

                              MARK.
MARK.
     Mention has already been made of the political excitement in Vienna.
     The trouble between the Hungarian and German legislative bodies
     presently became violent.  Clemens found himself intensely
     interested, and was present in one of the galleries when it was
     cleared by the police.  All sorts of stories were circulated as to
     what happened to him, one of which was cabled to America.  A letter
     to Twichell sets forth what really happened.
     Mention has already been made of the political excitement in Vienna. The conflict between the Hungarian and German legislative bodies became intense. Clemens found himself deeply engaged and was in one of the galleries when the police cleared it out. Various stories were spread about what happened to him, one of which was sent to America. A letter to Twichell explains what actually took place.










To Rev. J. H. Twichell, in Hartford:

To Rev. J. H. Twichell, in Hartford:

                                                  HOTEL METROPOLE,
                                                  VIENNA, Dec. 10, '97.
                                                  HOTEL METROPOLE,
                                                  VIENNA, Dec. 10, '97.

DEAR JOE,—Pond sends me a Cleveland paper with a cablegram from here in it which says that when the police invaded the parliament and expelled the 11 members I waved my handkerchief and shouted 'Hoch die Deutschen!' and got hustled out. Oh dear, what a pity it is that one's adventures never happen! When the Ordner (sergeant-at-arms) came up to our gallery and was hurrying the people out, a friend tried to get leave for me to stay, by saying, “But this gentleman is a foreigner—you don't need to turn him out—he won't do any harm.”

DEAR JOE,—Pond sent me a Cleveland newspaper with a cable from here that says when the police stormed the parliament and kicked out the 11 members, I waved my handkerchief and shouted 'Hoch die Deutschen!' and got pushed out. Oh dear, it's such a shame that adventures like this never really happen! When the Ordner (sergeant-at-arms) came up to our balcony and was rushing everyone out, a friend tried to get permission for me to stay by saying, “But this gentleman is a foreigner—you don’t need to kick him out—he won’t cause any trouble.”

“Oh, I know him very well—I recognize him by his pictures; and I should be very glad to let him stay, but I haven't any choice, because of the strictness of the orders.”

“Oh, I know him really well—I recognize him from his photos; and I would be more than happy to let him stay, but I have no choice because of the strictness of the orders.”

And so we all went out, and no one was hustled. Below, I ran across the London Times correspondent, and he showed me the way into the first gallery and I lost none of the show. The first gallery had not misbehaved, and was not disturbed.

And so we all went out, and nobody was rushed. Downstairs, I bumped into the London Times reporter, and he showed me the way into the first gallery, so I didn’t miss any of the show. The first gallery was calm and not disrupted.

... We cannot persuade Livy to go out in society yet, but all the lovely people come to see her; and Clara and I go to dinner parties, and around here and there, and we all have a most hospitable good time. Jean's woodcarving flourishes, and her other studies.

... We can't convince Livy to socialize just yet, but all the wonderful people come to visit her; Clara and I attend dinner parties here and there, and we all have a great time together. Jean's woodcarving is thriving, along with her other studies.

Good-bye Joe—and we all love all of you.

Farewell, Joe—we all love you.

                                             MARK.
MARK.
     Clemens made an article of the Austrian troubles, one of the best
     things he ever wrote, and certainly one of the clearest elucidations
     of the Austro-Hungarian confusions.  It was published in Harper's
     Magazine, and is now included in his complete works.

     Thus far none of the Webster Company debts had been paid—at least,
     none of importance.  The money had been accumulating in Mr. Rogers's
     hands, but Clemens was beginning to be depressed by the heavy
     burden.  He wrote asking for relief.
     Clemens wrote an article about the troubles in Austria, which is one of the best things he ever created and definitely one of the clearest explanations of the Austro-Hungarian confusion. It was published in Harper's Magazine and is now part of his complete works.

     So far, none of the Webster Company debts had been paid—at least, none of any significance. The money had been piling up in Mr. Rogers's hands, but Clemens was starting to feel weighed down by the heavy burden. He wrote asking for help.










Fragment of a letter to H. H. Rogers, in New York:

Fragment of a letter to H. H. Rogers, in New York:

DEAR MR. ROGERS,—I throw up the sponge. I pull down the flag. Let us begin on the debts. I cannot bear the weight any longer. It totally unfits me for work. I have lost three entire months now. In that time I have begun twenty magazine articles and books—and flung every one of them aside in turn. The debts interfered every time, and took the spirit out of any work. And yet I have worked like a bond slave and wasted no time and spared no effort——

DEAR MR. ROGERS,—I give up. I’m throwing in the towel. Let’s start addressing the debts. I can’t handle the pressure anymore. It’s completely disabled me from working. I've already lost three whole months. During that time, I’ve started twenty magazine articles and books—and have discarded every single one. The debts got in the way each time and drained the motivation from any of my work. And still, I’ve worked like a dog, wasted no time, and put in every effort——

Rogers wrote, proposing a plan for beginning immediately upon the debts. Clemens replied enthusiastically, and during the next few weeks wrote every few days, expressing his delight in liquidation.

Rogers proposed a plan to start right away on settling the debts. Clemens responded with excitement and over the next few weeks wrote every few days, sharing his joy about the resolution.

          Extracts from letters to H.  H.  Rogers, in New York:
          Extracts from letters to H. H. Rogers, in New York:

... We all delighted with your plan. Only don't leave B—out. Apparently that claim has been inherited by some women—daughters, no doubt. We don't want to see them lose any thing. B——- is an ass, and disgruntled, but I don't care for that. I am responsible for the money and must do the best I can to pay it..... I am writing hard—writing for the creditors.

... We all liked your plan. Just don’t leave B—out. It seems that claim has been passed down to some women—daughters, I guess. We don’t want to see them lose anything. B——- is stubborn and unhappy, but I’m not worried about that. I’m in charge of the money and have to do my best to pay it off... I’m writing a lot—writing for the creditors.

                                                            Dec.  29.
Dec. 29

Land we are glad to see those debts diminishing. For the first time in my life I am getting more pleasure out of paying money out than pulling it in.

Land, we’re really happy to see those debts going down. For the first time in my life, I’m finding more joy in paying money out than in making it.

                                                            Jan.  2.
Jan 2.

Since we have begun to pay off the debts I have abundant peace of mind again—no sense of burden. Work is become a pleasure again—it is not labor any longer.

Since we started to pay off our debts, I have a lot of peace of mind again—no feeling of being burdened. Work has become enjoyable again—it’s no longer a chore.

                                                            March 7.
March 7th.

Mrs. Clemens has been reading the creditors' letters over and over again and thanks you deeply for sending them, and says it is the only really happy day she has had since Susy died.

Mrs. Clemens has been reading the creditors' letters repeatedly and thanks you so much for sending them. She says it’s the only truly happy day she’s had since Susy passed away.





XXXVII. LETTERS, 1898, TO HOWELLS AND TWICHELL. LIFE IN VIENNA. PAYMENT OF THE DEBTS. ASSASSINATION OF THE EMPRESS.

The end of January saw the payment of the last of Mark Twain's debts. Once more he stood free before the world—a world that sounded his praises. The latter fact rather amused him. “Honest men must be pretty scarce,” he said, “when they make so much fuss over even a defective specimen.” When the end was in sight Clemens wrote the news to Howells in a letter as full of sadness as of triumph.

The end of January marked the payment of the last of Mark Twain's debts. Once again, he stood free before the world—a world that praised him. This amused him a bit. “Honest people must be pretty rare,” he said, “if they make such a big deal over even a flawed example.” As the end approached, Clemens wrote to Howells in a letter that was as filled with sadness as it was with triumph.










To W. D. Howells, in New York:

To W. D. Howells, in New York:

                                        HOTEL METROPOLE,
                                             VIENNA, Jan. 22, '98.
                                        HOTEL METROPOLE,
                                             VIENNA, Jan. 22, '98.

DEAR HOWELLS,—Look at those ghastly figures. I used to write it “Hartford, 1871.” There was no Susy then—there is no Susy now. And how much lies between—one long lovely stretch of scented fields, and meadows, and shady woodlands, and suddenly Sahara! You speak of the glorious days of that old time—and they were. It is my quarrel—that traps like that are set. Susy and Winnie given us, in miserable sport, and then taken away.

DEAR HOWELLS,—Look at those awful figures. I used to write “Hartford, 1871.” There was no Susy then—there's no Susy now. And so much has happened in between—one long beautiful stretch of fragrant fields, meadows, and shady woods, and then suddenly, it’s like the Sahara! You talk about the glorious days of that time—and they truly were. It’s my issue—that traps like that are set. Susy and Winnie are given to us, as if it’s just a cruel game, and then they’re taken away.

About the last time I saw you I described to you the culminating disaster in a book I was going to write (and will yet, when the stroke is further away)—a man's dead daughter brought to him when he had been through all other possible misfortunes—and I said it couldn't be done as it ought to be done except by a man who had lived it—it must be written with the blood out of a man's heart. I couldn't know, then, how soon I was to be made competent. I have thought of it many a time since. If you were here I think we could cry down each other's necks, as in your dream. For we are a pair of old derelicts drifting around, now, with some of our passengers gone and the sunniness of the others in eclipse.

About the last time I saw you, I told you about the tragic end in a book I was going to write (and will get to, when the pain feels more manageable)—a man's dead daughter brought back to him after he had faced every other possible disaster—and I said it couldn’t be done the way it needed to be except by someone who had lived it—it has to be written with the passion of a man’s heart. I didn’t know back then how soon I would become capable of that. I've thought about it many times since. If you were here, I think we could cry on each other’s shoulders, just like in your dream. Because we are a couple of old drifters now, with some of our companions gone and the brightness of the others dimmed.

I couldn't get along without work now. I bury myself in it up to the ears. Long hours—8 and 9 on a stretch, sometimes. And all the days, Sundays included. It isn't all for print, by any means, for much of it fails to suit me; 50,000 words of it in the past year. It was because of the deadness which invaded me when Susy died. But I have made a change lately—into dramatic work—and I find it absorbingly entertaining. I don't know that I can write a play that will play: but no matter, I'll write half a dozen that won't, anyway. Dear me, I didn't know there was such fun in it. I'll write twenty that won't play. I get into immense spirits as soon as my day is fairly started. Of course a good deal of this friskiness comes of my being in sight of land—on the Webster & Co. debts, I mean. (Private.) We've lived close to the bone and saved every cent we could, and there's no undisputed claim, now, that we can't cash. I have marked this “private” because it is for the friends who are attending to the matter for us in New York to reveal it when they want to and if they want to. There are only two claims which I dispute and which I mean to look into personally before I pay them. But they are small. Both together they amount to only $12,500. I hope you will never get the like of the load saddled onto you that was saddled onto me 3 years ago. And yet there is such a solid pleasure in paying the things that I reckon maybe it is worth while to get into that kind of a hobble, after all. Mrs. Clemens gets millions of delight out of it; and the children have never uttered one complaint about the scrimping, from the beginning.

I can't imagine life without work now. I throw myself into it completely. Long hours—sometimes 8 or 9 at a time. And every day, even Sundays. Not everything I do gets published; a lot of it doesn’t fit my style; I wrote 50,000 words last year. It started because I felt so empty after Susy died. But I’ve recently switched to writing plays—and I find it really enjoyable. I’m not sure I can write a successful play, but that doesn’t matter; I’ll write a bunch that won’t succeed, anyway. Wow, I didn’t realize it could be this much fun. I’ll probably end up writing twenty that flop. I feel great as soon as my day gets going. Of course, a lot of my good mood comes from being close to settling the Webster & Co. debts. (Private.) We’ve lived frugally and saved every penny we could, and there’s no outstanding claim now that we can’t pay off. I’ve labeled this “private” because it’s for the friends who are handling this for us in New York to share when they choose. There are only two claims I contest, and I plan to look into them personally before I settle them. But they’re small. Together, they total just $12,500. I hope you never have to carry a burden like the one I had three years ago. Still, there’s a real joy in paying off debts, so maybe it’s worth it, after all. Mrs. Clemens enjoys it immensely, and the kids have never complained about the cutbacks from the start.

We all send you and all of you our love.

We all send you our love.

                                             MARK.
MARK.
     Howells wrote: “I wish you could understand how unshaken you are,
     you old tower, in every way; your foundations are struck so deep
     that you will catch the sunshine of immortal years, and bask in the
     same light as Cervantes and Shakespeare.”

     The Clemens apartments at the Metropole became a sort of social
     clearing-house of the Viennese art and literary life, much more like
     an embassy than the home of a mere literary man.  Celebrities in
     every walk of life, persons of social and official rank, writers for
     the press, assembled there on terms hardly possible in any other
     home in Vienna.  Wherever Mark Twain appeared in public he was a
     central figure.  Now and then he read or spoke to aid some benefit,
     and these were great gatherings attended by members of the royal
     family.  It was following one such event that the next letter was
     written.
Howells wrote: “I wish you could see how unwavering you are, you old tower, in every way; your foundations run so deep that you'll experience the sunshine of timeless years and bask in the same light as Cervantes and Shakespeare.”

The Clemens apartments at the Metropole became a kind of social hub for the Viennese art and literary scene, more like an embassy than just the home of a writer. Celebrities from every field, as well as people of social and political importance, and journalists gathered there in ways that would be hard to find in any other home in Vienna. Wherever Mark Twain went in public, he was always the focal point. Occasionally, he would read or speak at benefits, and those events drew large crowds that included members of the royal family. It was after one of these events that the next letter was written.

(Private)

(Private)










To Rev. J. H. Twichell, in Hartford:

To Rev. J. H. Twichell, in Hartford:

                                             HOTEL METROPOLE,
                                                  VIENNA, Feb. 3, '98.
                                             HOTEL METROPOLE,
                                                  VIENNA, Feb. 3, '98.

DEAR JOE, There's that letter that I began so long ago—you see how it is: can't get time to finish anything. I pile up lots of work, nevertheless. There may be idle people in the world, but I'm not one of them. I say “Private” up there because I've got an adventure to tell, and you mustn't let a breath of it get out. First I thought I would lay it up along with a thousand others that I've laid up for the same purpose—to talk to you about, but—those others have vanished out of my memory; and that must not happen with this.

DEAR JOE, There's that letter I started a long time ago—you see how it is: I can't find the time to finish anything. Still, I manage to pile up a lot of work. There may be people lounging around in the world, but I'm not one of them. I wrote "Private" up there because I have an adventure to share, and you can't let a word of it slip out. At first, I thought I would save it along with a thousand others I've stored up for the same reason—to talk to you about—but those others have faded from my mind; and this one can't be allowed to do the same.

The other night I lectured for a Vienna charity; and at the end of it Livy and I were introduced to a princess who is aunt to the heir apparent of the imperial throne—a beautiful lady, with a beautiful spirit, and very cordial in her praises of my books and thanks to me for writing them; and glad to meet me face to face and shake me by the hand—just the kind of princess that adorns a fairy tale and makes it the prettiest tale there is.

The other night, I gave a talk for a charity in Vienna, and afterward, Livy and I were introduced to a princess who is the aunt of the heir to the imperial throne. She was a beautiful woman, with a lovely personality, and she was very warm in her compliments about my books, thanking me for writing them. She was pleased to meet me in person and shake my hand—exactly the kind of princess who makes a fairy tale special and enchanting.

Very well, we long ago found that when you are noticed by supremacies, the correct etiquette is to go, within a couple of days, and pay your respects in the quite simple form of writing your name in the Visitors' Book kept in the office of the establishment. That is the end of it, and everything is squared up and ship-shape.

Very well, we discovered long ago that when you’re acknowledged by those in power, the proper etiquette is to visit within a couple of days and pay your respects by simply signing your name in the Visitors' Book kept in the office of the establishment. That’s all there is to it, and everything is settled and in order.

So at noon today Livy and I drove to the Archducal palace, and got by the sentries all right, and asked the grandly-uniformed porter for the book and said we wished to write our names in it. And he called a servant in livery and was sending us up stairs; and said her Royal Highness was out but would soon be in. Of course Livy said “No—no—we only want the book;” but he was firm, and said, “You are Americans?”

So at noon today, Livy and I drove to the Archducal palace, got past the guards without any issues, and asked the elegantly-uniformed doorman for the guestbook, saying we wanted to write our names in it. He called a staff member in uniform and was sending us upstairs, mentioning that her Royal Highness was out but would be back soon. Of course, Livy said, "No—no—we just want the book," but he insisted, saying, "You are Americans?"

“Yes.”

"Yep."

“Then you are expected, please go up stairs.”

“Then you're expected, so please go upstairs.”

“But indeed we are not expected—please let us have the book and—”

“But we really aren’t expected—please let us have the book and—”

“Her Royal Highness will be back in a very little while—she commanded me to tell you so—and you must wait.”

“Her Royal Highness will return very shortly—she instructed me to let you know—and you have to wait.”

Well, the soldiers were there close by—there was no use trying to resist—so we followed the servant up; but when he tried to beguile us into a drawing-room, Livy drew the line; she wouldn't go in. And she wouldn't stay up there, either. She said the princess might come in at any moment and catch us, and it would be too infernally ridiculous for anything. So we went down stairs again—to my unspeakable regret. For it was too darling a comedy to spoil. I was hoping and praying the princess would come, and catch us up there, and that those other Americans who were expected would arrive, and be taken for impostors by the portier, and shot by the sentinels—and then it would all go into the papers, and be cabled all over the world, and make an immense stir and be perfectly lovely. And by that time the princess would discover that we were not the right ones, and the Minister of War would be ordered out, and the garrison, and they would come for us, and there would be another prodigious time, and that would get cabled too, and—well, Joe, I was in a state of perfect bliss. But happily, oh, so happily, that big portier wouldn't let us out—he was sorry, but he must obey orders—we must go back up stairs and wait. Poor Livy—I couldn't help but enjoy her distress. She said we were in a fix, and how were we going to explain, if the princess should arrive before the rightful Americans came? We went up stairs again—laid off our wraps, and were conducted through one drawing room and into another, and left alone there and the door closed upon us.

Well, the soldiers were right there—there was no point in trying to resist—so we followed the servant upstairs. But when he tried to lure us into a drawing-room, Livy put her foot down; she refused to go in. And she didn't want to stay up there, either. She said the princess could show up any minute and catch us, and it would be way too ridiculous. So we went back downstairs again—to my absolute regret. It was such a delightful situation to ruin. I was hoping and praying the princess would come, catch us up there, and that those other Americans who were expected would arrive, be mistaken for imposters by the doorman, and shot by the guards—and then it would all hit the papers, be reported worldwide, create a huge stir, and be completely fantastic. By that time, the princess would figure out we weren't the right ones, the Minister of War would be called in, and the garrison would come for us, leading to another outrageous scene, which would also be reported, and—well, Joe, I was in a state of complete bliss. But luckily—oh, so luckily—that big doorman wouldn’t let us out—he was sorry, but he had to follow orders—we had to go back upstairs and wait. Poor Livy—I couldn't help but relish her distress. She said we were in a bind, and how would we explain it if the princess showed up before the actual Americans arrived? We went upstairs again—took off our coats, and were led through one drawing room and into another, and then left alone as the door closed behind us.

Livy was in a state of mind! She said it was too theatrically ridiculous; and that I would never be able to keep my mouth shut; that I would be sure to let it out and it would get into the papers—and she tried to make me promise—“Promise what?” I said—“to be quiet about this? Indeed I won't—it's the best thing that ever happened; I'll tell it, and add to it; and I wish Joe and Howells were here to make it perfect; I can't make all the rightful blunders myself—it takes all three of us to do justice to an opportunity like this. I would just like to see Howells get down to his work and explain, and lie, and work his futile and inventionless subterfuges when that princess comes raging in here and wanting to know.” But Livy could not hear fun—it was not a time to be trying to be funny—we were in a most miserable and shameful situation, and if—

Livy was really upset! She said it was way too over-the-top ridiculous; and that I would never be able to keep quiet; that I would definitely spill the beans and it would end up in the news—and she tried to get me to promise—“Promise what?” I asked—“to stay quiet about this? No way—it's the best thing that ever happened; I’ll share it, and add my spin; and I wish Joe and Howells were here to make it even better; I can’t make all the right mistakes myself—it takes all three of us to do justice to an opportunity like this. I would love to see Howells get to work and explain, and lie, and come up with his pointless and uninspired excuses when that princess storms in here and starts asking questions.” But Livy couldn’t take a joke—it wasn’t the time to be funny—we were in a really awful and embarrassing situation, and if—

Just then the door spread wide and our princess and 4 more, and 3 little princes flowed in! Our princess, and her sister the Archduchess Marie Therese (mother to the imperial Heir and to the young girl Archduchesses present, and aunt to the 3 little princes)—and we shook hands all around and sat down and had a most sociable good time for half an hour—and by and by it turned out that we were the right ones, and had been sent for by a messenger who started too late to catch us at the hotel. We were invited for 2 o'clock, but we beat that arrangement by an hour and a half.

Just then the door swung open and our princess, along with four others and three little princes, walked in! Our princess, her sister Archduchess Marie Therese (mother to the imperial heir and the young girl archduchesses present, and aunt to the three little princes)—and we shook hands all around, sat down, and had a really nice time for half an hour. Eventually, it turned out that we were the right people and had been summoned by a messenger who left too late to catch us at the hotel. We were invited for 2 o'clock, but we arrived an hour and a half early.

Wasn't it a rattling good comedy situation? Seems a kind of pity we were the right ones. It would have been such nuts to see the right ones come, and get fired out, and we chatting along comfortably and nobody suspecting us for impostors.

Wasn't it a hilarious situation? It's a bit of a shame we were the actual ones. It would have been so amusing to see the real ones show up, get kicked out, while we chatted away comfortably, and no one suspected we were impostors.

We send lots and lots of love.

We send you tons and tons of love.

                                   MARK.
MARK.
     The reader who has followed these pages has seen how prone Mark
     Twain was to fall a victim to the lure of a patent-right—how he
     wasted several small fortunes on profitless contrivances, and one
     large one on that insatiable demon of intricacy and despair, the
     Paige type-setter.  It seems incredible that, after that experience
     and its attending disaster, he should have been tempted again.  But
     scarcely was the ink dry on the receipts from his creditors when he
     was once more borne into the clouds on the prospect of millions,
     perhaps even billions, to be made from a marvelous carpet-pattern
     machine, the invention of Sczezepanik, an Austrian genius.  That
     Clemens appreciated his own tendencies is shown by the parenthetic
     line with which he opens his letter on the subject to Mr. Rogers.
     Certainly no man was ever a more perfect prototype of Colonel
     Sellers than the creator of that lovely, irrepressible visionary.
     The reader who has gone through these pages has seen how prone Mark Twain was to fall for the temptation of a patent—how he squandered several small fortunes on useless gadgets, and one large sum on that insatiable monster of complexity and frustration, the Paige type-setter. It's hard to believe that, after that experience and the disaster that followed, he would be tempted again. But hardly had the ink dried on the receipts from his creditors when he was once again swept away by the promise of making millions, perhaps even billions, from a remarkable carpet-pattern machine invented by Sczezepanik, an Austrian genius. That Clemens was aware of his own tendencies is evident in the parenthetical remark with which he starts his letter on the topic to Mr. Rogers. Certainly, no one fit the mold of Colonel Sellers better than the creator of that delightful, unstoppable dreamer.










To Mr. Rogers, in New York:

To Mr. Rogers, in New York:

                                                       March 24, '98.
March 24, 1998.

DEAR MR. ROGERS,—(I feel like Col. Sellers).

DEAR MR. ROGERS,—(I feel like Col. Sellers).

Mr. Kleinberg [agent for Sczezepanik] came according to appointment, at 8.30 last night, and brought his English-speaking Secretary. I asked questions about the auxiliary invention (which I call “No. 2 “) and got as good an idea of it as I could. It is a machine. It automatically punches the holes in the jacquard cards, and does it with mathematical accuracy. It will do for $1 what now costs $3. So it has value, but “No. 2” is the great thing (the designing invention.) It saves $9 out of $10 and the jacquard looms must have it.

Mr. Kleinberg [agent for Sczezepanik] came as scheduled at 8:30 last night and brought his English-speaking secretary. I asked questions about the auxiliary invention (which I call “No. 2”) and got a pretty good understanding of it. It’s a machine that automatically punches holes in jacquard cards with mathematical precision. It will do for $1 what currently costs $3. So it definitely has value, but “No. 2” is the main innovation (the designing invention). It saves $9 out of every $10, and jacquard looms need it.

Then I arrived at my new project, and said to him in substance, this:

Then I got to my new project and told him basically this:

“You are on the point of selling the No. 2 patents to Belgium, Italy, etc. I suggest that you stop those negotiations and put those people off two or three months. They are anxious now, they will not be less anxious then—just the reverse; people always want a thing that is denied them.

“You are about to sell the No. 2 patents to Belgium, Italy, and others. I recommend that you pause those negotiations and delay them for two or three months. They are eager now, and they'll be even more eager later—people always desire what they can't have.”

“So far as I know, no great world-patent has ever yet been placed in the grip of a single corporation. This is a good time to begin.

“So far as I know, no major global patent has ever been held by a single corporation. This is a good time to start.”

“We have to do a good deal of guess-work here, because we cannot get hold of just the statistics we want. Still, we have some good statistics—and I will use those for a test.

“We need to do quite a bit of guesswork here because we can't find the exact statistics we want. However, we do have some useful statistics—and I will use those for a test.

“You say that of the 1500 Austrian textile factories, 800 use the jacquard. Then we will guess that of the 4,000 American factories 2,000 use the jacquard and must have our No. 2.

“You say that out of the 1500 Austrian textile factories, 800 use the jacquard. Based on that, we can assume that of the 4,000 American factories, 2,000 use the jacquard and will need our No. 2.”

“You say that a middle-sized Austrian factory employs from 20 to 30 designers and pays them from 800 to 3,000 odd florins a year—(a florin is 2 francs). Let us call the average wage 1500 florins ($600).

“You mention that a medium-sized Austrian factory hires between 20 to 30 designers and pays them anywhere from 800 to 3,000 florins a year—(a florin is 2 francs). Let's average the wage at 1500 florins ($600).

“Let us apply these figures (the low wages too) to the 2,000 American factories—with this difference, to guard against over-guessing; that instead of allowing for 20 to 30 designers to a middle-sized factory, we allow only an average of 10 to each of the 2,000 factories—a total of 20,000 designers. Wages at $600, a total of $12,000,000. Let us consider that No. 2 will reduce this expense to $2,000,000 a year. The saving is $5,000,000 per each of the $200,000,000 of capital employed in the jacquard business over there.

"Let's apply these figures (including the low wages) to the 2,000 American factories—with a key difference to avoid overestimation: instead of accounting for 20 to 30 designers in a medium-sized factory, we’re only considering an average of 10 for each of the 2,000 factories—making a total of 20,000 designers. At wages of $600, that adds up to $12,000,000. Now, let's think about how No. 2 will cut this expense down to $2,000,000 a year. This results in a savings of $5,000,000 for each of the $200,000,000 in capital invested in the jacquard business over there."

“Let us consider that in the countries covered by this patent, an aggregate of $1,500,000,000 of capital is employed in factories requiring No. 2.

“Let’s consider that in the countries covered by this patent, a total of $1,500,000,000 in capital is used in factories that require No. 2.”

“The saving (as above) is $75,000,000 a year. The Company holding in its grip all these patents would collar $50,000,000 of that, as its share. Possibly more.

“The savings (as mentioned above) amount to $75,000,000 a year. The Company, which owns all these patents, would claim $50,000,000 of that as its share. Possibly more."

“Competition would be at an end in the Jacquard business, on this planet. Price-cutting would end. Fluctuations in values would cease. The business would be the safest and surest in the world; commercial panics could not seriously affect it; its stock would be as choice an investment as Government bonds. When the patents died the Company would be so powerful that it could still keep the whole business in its hands. Would you like to grant me the privilege of placing the whole jacquard business of the world in the grip of a single Company? And don't you think that the business would grow-grow like a weed?”

“Competition in the Jacquard business would be over on this planet. Price-cutting would stop. Value fluctuations would come to an end. The business would be the safest and most reliable in the world; commercial crises couldn't seriously impact it; its stocks would be as solid an investment as government bonds. Once the patents expired, the Company would be so strong that it could still maintain control over the entire industry. Would you consider giving me the privilege of putting the entire Jacquard business of the world in the hands of a single Company? And don’t you believe that the business would thrive—thrive like crazy?”

“Ach, America—it is the country of the big! Let me get my breath—then we will talk.”

“Ah, America—it’s the land of the big! Let me catch my breath—then we can talk.”

So then we talked—talked till pretty late. Would Germany and England join the combination? I said the Company would know how to persuade them.

So we talked—talked until pretty late. Would Germany and England join the group? I said the Company would know how to convince them.

Then I asked for a Supplementary Option, to cover the world, and we parted.

Then I asked for an additional option to cover the world, and we went our separate ways.

I am taking all precautions to keep my name out of print in connection with this matter. And we will now keep the invention itself out of print as well as we can. Descriptions of it have been granted to the “Dry Goods Economist” (New York) and to a syndicate of American papers. I have asked Mr. Kleinberg to suppress these, and he feels pretty sure he can do it.

I’m taking every step to ensure my name isn’t linked to this issue. We’re also going to do our best to keep the invention itself out of the spotlight. Descriptions have been published in the “Dry Goods Economist” (New York) and a group of American newspapers. I’ve asked Mr. Kleinberg to stop these from being circulated, and he believes he can manage it.

               With love,
                              S. L. C.
With love,  
                              S. L. C.
     If this splendid enthusiasm had not cooled by the time a reply came
     from Mr. Rogers, it must have received a sudden chill from the
     letter which he inclosed—the brief and concise report from a
     carpet-machine expert, who said: “I do not feel that it would be of
     any value to us in our mills, and the number of jacquard looms in
     America is so limited that I am of the opinion that there is no
     field for a company to develop the invention here.  A cursory
     examination of the pamphlet leads me to place no very high value
     upon the invention, from a practical standpoint.”

     With the receipt of this letter carpet-pattern projects would seem
     to have suddenly ceased to be a factor in Mark Twain's calculations.
     Such a letter in the early days of the type-machine would have saved
     him a great sum in money and years of disappointment.  But perhaps
     he would not have heeded it then.

     The year 1898 brought the Spanish-American War.  Clemens was
     constitutionally against all wars, but writing to Twichell, whose
     son had enlisted, we gather that this one was an exception.
     If this amazing enthusiasm hadn't faded by the time Mr. Rogers replied, it probably took a hit from the letter he included—a short and straightforward report from a carpet-machine expert, who stated: “I don’t think it would be useful to us in our mills, and since the number of jacquard looms in America is so limited, I believe there's no opportunity for a company to develop the invention here. A quick look at the pamphlet leads me to assign it little practical value.”

     With the arrival of this letter, carpet-pattern projects suddenly seemed to disappear from Mark Twain's plans. Such a letter in the early days of the typewriter could have saved him a lot of money and years of frustration. But maybe he wouldn't have taken it seriously back then.

     The year 1898 brought the Spanish-American War. Clemens was fundamentally against all wars, but writing to Twichell, whose son had enlisted, suggests that this one was an exception.










To Rev. J. H. Twichell, in Hartford:

To Rev. J. H. Twichell, in Hartford:

                                        KALTENLEUTGEBEN, NEAR VIENNA,
                                                       June 17, '98.
                                        KALTENLEUTGEBEN, NEAR VIENNA,
                                                       June 17, '98.

DEAR JOE,—You are living your war-days over again in Dave, and it must be a strong pleasure, mixed with a sauce of apprehension—enough to make it just schmeck, as the Germans say. Dave will come out with two or three stars on his shoulder-straps if the war holds, and then we shall all be glad it happened.

DEAR JOE,—You're reliving your war days through Dave, and that must feel really good, mixed with a bit of anxiety—enough to make it just schmeck, as the Germans say. If the war continues, Dave will end up with two or three stars on his shoulder straps, and then we’ll all be happy it happened.

We started with Bull Run, before. Dewey and Hobson have introduced an improvement on the game this time.

We started with Bull Run before. Dewey and Hobson have introduced an improvement to the game this time.

I have never enjoyed a war-even in written history—as I am enjoying this one. For this is the worthiest one that was ever fought, so far as my knowledge goes. It is a worthy thing to fight for one's freedom; it is another sight finer to fight for another man's. And I think this is the first time it has been done.

I have never enjoyed a war—even in written history—as much as I enjoy this one. Because this is the most worthy one that has ever been fought, as far as I know. It's a worthy cause to fight for your own freedom; it's even more admirable to fight for someone else's. And I believe this is the first time it's happened.

Oh, never mind Charley Warner, he would interrupt the raising of Lazarus. He would say, the will has been probated, the property distributed, it will be a world of trouble to settle the rows—better leave well enough alone; don't ever disturb anything, where it's going to break the soft smooth flow of things and wobble our tranquillity.

Oh, forget about Charley Warner; he would interrupt the raising of Lazarus. He would say the will has been validated, the property divided, and it’s going to be a headache to resolve the disputes—better to leave things as they are; don’t ever disturb anything if it’s going to disrupt the smooth flow of things and upset our peace.

Company! (Sh! it happens every day—and we came out here to be quiet.)

Company! (Sh! it happens every day—and we came out here to be quiet.)

Love to you all.

Love to you all.

                         MARK.
MARK.
     They were spending the summer at Kaltenleutgeben, a pleasant village
     near Vienna, but apparently not entirely quiet.  Many friends came
     out from Vienna, including a number of visiting Americans.  Clemens,
     however, appears to have had considerable time for writing, as we
     gather from the next to Howells.
     They were spending the summer in Kaltenleutgeben, a lovely village close to Vienna, but it didn't seem completely peaceful. Many friends came out from Vienna, including several visiting Americans. Clemens, however, seemed to have had plenty of time for writing, as we learn from the next letter to Howells.










To W. D. Howells, in America:

To W. D. Howells, in America:

                                        KALTENLEUTGEBEN, BEI WIEN,
                                                       Aug. 16, '98.
                                        KALTENLEUTGEBEN, NEAR VIENNA,  
                                                       Aug. 16, '98.

DEAR HOWELLS,—Your letter came yesterday. It then occurred to me that I might have known (per mental telegraph) that it was due; for a couple of weeks ago when the Weekly came containing that handsome reference to me I was powerfully moved to write you; and my letter went on writing itself while I was at work at my other literature during the day. But next day my other literature was still urgent—and so on and so on; so my letter didn't get put into ink at all. But I see now, that you were writing, about that time, therefore a part of my stir could have come across the Atlantic per mental telegraph. In 1876 or '75 I wrote 40,000 words of a story called “Simon Wheeler” wherein the nub was the preventing of an execution through testimony furnished by mental telegraph from the other side of the globe. I had a lot of people scattered about the globe who carried in their pockets something like the old mesmerizer-button, made of different metals, and when they wanted to call up each other and have a talk, they “pressed the button” or did something, I don't remember what, and communication was at once opened. I didn't finish the story, though I re-began it in several new ways, and spent altogether 70,000 words on it, then gave it up and threw it aside.

DEAR HOWELLS,—I got your letter yesterday. It occurred to me that I might have sensed (through mental telepathy) that it was on its way; a couple of weeks ago, when the Weekly arrived featuring that nice mention of me, I felt really motivated to write to you. My letter practically wrote itself while I was busy with my other writing during the day. But the next day, my other writing still needed my attention—so it went on and on; my letter never got written down. Now I realize you were likely writing around that time, so part of my excitement might have crossed the Atlantic via mental telepathy. Back in 1876 or '75, I wrote 40,000 words of a story called “Simon Wheeler,” where the main plot was about stopping an execution through testimony sent by mental telepathy from the other side of the world. I had a bunch of characters scattered worldwide who carried something like an old mesmerizer button made of different metals, and when they wanted to connect and chat, they would “press the button” or do something—I can’t remember what—and communication would be instantly established. I never finished the story, though I started it again in several new ways and spent a total of 70,000 words on it before giving up and setting it aside.

This much as preliminary to this remark: some day people will be able to call each other up from any part of the world and talk by mental telegraph—and not merely by impression, the impression will be articulated into words. It could be a terrible thing, but it won't be, because in the upper civilizations everything like sentimentality (I was going to say sentiment) will presently get materialized out of people along with the already fading spiritualities; and so when a man is called who doesn't wish to talk he will be like those visitors you mention: “not chosen”—and will be frankly damned and shut off.

This serves as a prelude to my observation: someday, people will be able to call each other from anywhere in the world and communicate through mental telepathy—and not just through feelings, but those feelings will be expressed in words. This could be a frightening development, but it won’t be, because in advanced societies, everything sentimental (I meant to say feelings) will soon be stripped away from people along with the already fading spiritual aspects; and so when someone is called who doesn’t want to talk, he will be like those visitors you mentioned: “not chosen”—and will be openly rejected and cut off.

Speaking of the ill luck of starting a piece of literary work wrong-and again and again; always aware that there is a way, if you could only think it out, which would make the thing slide effortless from the pen—the one right way, the sole form for you, the other forms being for men whose line those forms are, or who are capabler than yourself: I've had no end of experience in that (and maybe I am the only one—let us hope so.) Last summer I started 16 things wrong—3 books and 13 mag. articles—and could only make 2 little wee things, 1500 words altogether, succeed:—only that out of piles and stacks of diligently-wrought MS., the labor of 6 weeks' unremitting effort. I could make all of those things go if I would take the trouble to re-begin each one half a dozen times on a new plan. But none of them was important enough except one: the story I (in the wrong form) mapped out in Paris three or four years ago and told you about in New York under seal of confidence—no other person knows of it but Mrs. Clemens—the story to be called “Which was the Dream?”

Talking about the bad luck of starting a piece of writing off on the wrong foot—and facing that struggle over and over; always knowing there’s a way, if only you could figure it out, that would let the words flow effortlessly from your pen—the one right way, the single form that works for you, while other forms belong to people who are better suited for them: I’ve had plenty of experience with this (and maybe I’m the only one—let’s hope so). Last summer, I began 16 projects incorrectly—3 books and 13 magazine articles—and managed to produce just 2 tiny pieces, totaling 1500 words: just that from heaps of carefully crafted manuscripts, the result of 6 weeks of nonstop effort. I could get all those projects moving if I took the time to restart each one several times with a new approach. But only one of them really mattered: the story I (in the wrong format) outlined in Paris three or four years ago and shared with you in New York under the promise of confidentiality—no one else knows about it except Mrs. Clemens—the story to be called “Which was the Dream?”

A week ago I examined the MS—10,000 words—and saw that the plan was a totally impossible one-for me; but a new plan suggested itself, and straightway the tale began to slide from the pen with ease and confidence. I think I've struck the right one this time. I have already put 12,000 words of it on paper and Mrs. Clemens is pretty outspokenly satisfied with it-a hard critic to content. I feel sure that all of the first half of the story—and I hope three-fourths—will be comedy; but by the former plan the whole of it (except the first 3 chapters) would have been tragedy and unendurable, almost. I think I can carry the reader a long way before he suspects that I am laying a tragedy-trap. In the present form I could spin 16 books out of it with comfort and joy; but I shall deny myself and restrict it to one. (If you should see a little short story in a magazine in the autumn called “My Platonic Sweetheart” written 3 weeks ago) that is not this one. It may have been a suggester, though.

A week ago, I looked over the manuscript—10,000 words—and realized that the plan was completely impossible for me. But a new idea came to me, and suddenly, the story started flowing from my pen with ease and confidence. I think I’ve found the right approach this time. I've already written 12,000 words of it, and Mrs. Clemens is quite openly satisfied—a tough critic to please. I'm confident that the first half of the story—and I hope three-quarters—will be comedic; however, under the old plan, the whole thing (except for the first three chapters) would have been tragedy and almost unbearable. I believe I can take the reader on quite a journey before they realize I’m setting up a tragedy trap. In the current version, I could easily stretch it into 16 books, but I will hold back and keep it to one. (If you happen to see a short story in a magazine this autumn called “My Platonic Sweetheart,” written three weeks ago) that’s not this one. It might have been an inspiration, though.

I expect all these singular privacies to interest you, and you are not to let on that they don't.

I expect all these personal details to pique your interest, and you shouldn't let on that they don't.

We are leaving, this afternoon, for Ischl, to use that as a base for the baggage, and then gad around ten days among the lakes and mountains to rest-up Mrs. Clemens, who is jaded with housekeeping. I hope I can get a chance to work a little in spots—I can't tell. But you do it—therefore why should you think I can't?

We are leaving this afternoon for Ischl, which will be our base for the luggage, and then we'll spend about ten days exploring the lakes and mountains to help Mrs. Clemens relax, as she’s worn out from housekeeping. I hope I'll get a chance to do some work here and there—I can't say for sure. But you do it—so why should you think I can’t?

                           [Remainder missing.]
[Remainder missing.]
     The dream story was never completed.  It was the same that he had
     worked on in London, and perhaps again in Switzerland.  It would be
     tried at other times and in other forms, but it never seemed to
     accommodate itself to a central idea, so that the good writing in it
     eventually went to waste.  The short story mentioned, “My Platonic
     Sweetheart,” a charming, idyllic tale, was not published during Mark
     Twain's lifetime.  Two years after his death it appeared in Harper's
     Magazine.

     The assassination of the Empress of Austria at Geneva was the
     startling event of that summer.  In a letter to Twichell Clemens
     presents the tragedy in a few vivid paragraphs.  Later he treated it
     at some length in a magazine article which, very likely because of
     personal relations with members of the Austrian court, he withheld
     from print.  It has since been included in a volume of essays, What
     Is Man, etc.
     The dream story was never finished. It was the same one he had
     worked on in London, and maybe again in Switzerland. It would be
     attempted at different times and in various forms, but it never seemed to
     fit into a central idea, so the great writing in it ultimately went to waste. The short story mentioned, “My Platonic Sweetheart,” a charming, idyllic tale, was not published during Mark Twain's lifetime. Two years after his death, it appeared in Harper's Magazine.

     The assassination of the Empress of Austria in Geneva was the shocking event of that summer. In a letter to Twichell, Clemens describes the tragedy in a few vivid paragraphs. Later, he covered it in more detail in a magazine article which he likely held back from publication due to personal connections with members of the Austrian court. It has since been included in a collection of essays, What Is Man, etc.










To Rev. J. H. Twichell, in Hartford:

To Rev. J. H. Twichell, in Hartford:

                                        KALTENLEUTGEBEN, Sep.  13, '98.
KALTENLEUTGEBEN, Sep. 13, '98.

DEAR JOE,—You are mistaken; people don't send us the magazines. No—Harper, Century and McClure do; an example I should like to recommend to other publishers. And so I thank you very much for sending me Brander's article. When you say “I like Brander Matthews; he impresses me as a man of parts and power,” I back you, right up to the hub—I feel the same way—. And when you say he has earned your gratitude for cuffing me for my crimes against the Leather stockings and the Vicar, I ain't making any objection. Dern your gratitude!

DEAR JOE,—You're mistaken; people don't send us the magazines. No—Harper, Century, and McClure do; that's an example I’d like other publishers to follow. So, I really appreciate you sending me Brander's article. When you say, “I like Brander Matthews; he seems like a man of substance and influence,” I completely agree—I feel the same way. And when you mention he deserves your thanks for criticizing me for my issues with the Leather Stocking tales and the Vicar, I have no objections. Darn your gratitude!

His article is as sound as a nut. Brander knows literature, and loves it; he can talk about it and keep his temper; he can state his case so lucidly and so fairly and so forcibly that you have to agree with him, even when you don't agree with him; and he can discover and praise such merits as a book has, even when they are half a dozen diamonds scattered through an acre of mud. And so he has a right to be a critic.

His article is completely reliable. Brander understands literature and loves it; he can discuss it calmly and clearly, presenting his arguments so logically and persuasively that you can't help but agree with him, even when you disagree. He can identify and appreciate the strengths of a book, even if they are just a few gems lost in a sea of mediocrity. That's why he has the authority to be a critic.

To detail just the opposite of the above invoice is to describe me. I haven't any right to criticise books, and I don't do it except when I hate them. I often want to criticise Jane Austen, but her books madden me so that I can't conceal my frenzy from the reader; and therefore I have to stop every time I begin.

To explain the complete opposite of the above invoice is to describe me. I don’t have any right to criticize books, and I only do it when I really dislike them. I often want to critique Jane Austen, but her books frustrate me so much that I can't hide my irritation from the reader; so I have to stop every time I start.

That good and unoffending lady the Empress is killed by a mad-man, and I am living in the midst of world-history again. The Queen's jubilee last year, the invasion of the Reichsrath by the police, and now this murder, which will still be talked of and described and painted a thousand years from now. To have a personal friend of the wearer of the crown burst in at the gate in the deep dusk of the evening and say in a voice broken with tears, “My God the Empress is murdered,” and fly toward her home before we can utter a question-why, it brings the giant event home to you, makes you a part of it and personally interested; it is as if your neighbor Antony should come flying and say “Caesar is butchered—the head of the world is fallen!”

That good and innocent lady, the Empress, has been killed by a madman, and here I am, caught up in world history once again. The Queen's jubilee last year, the police invading the Reichsrath, and now this murder, which will be discussed, described, and painted about for a thousand years to come. To have a personal friend of the crown suddenly rush in at dusk and, with a tearful voice, say, “My God, the Empress is murdered,” and then dash off toward her home before we can even ask a question—well, it really brings the enormity of the situation home to you, making you feel a part of it and personally affected; it’s like if your neighbor Antony ran in and said, “Caesar is butchered—the head of the world has fallen!”

Of course there is no talk but of this. The mourning is universal and genuine, the consternation is stupefying. The Austrian Empire is being draped with black. Vienna will be a spectacle to see, by next Saturday, when the funeral cortege marches. We are invited to occupy a room in the sumptuous new hotel (the “Krantz” where we are to live during the Fall and Winter) and view it, and we shall go.

Of course, this is all anyone is talking about. The grief is widespread and heartfelt, and the shock is overwhelming. The Austrian Empire is being covered in black. Vienna will be a sight to behold by next Saturday when the funeral procession takes place. We've been invited to a room in the luxurious new hotel (the “Krantz,” where we'll be staying during the Fall and Winter) to watch it, and we plan to go.

Speaking of Mrs. Leiter, there is a noble dame in Vienna, about whom they retail similar slanders. She said in French—she is weak in French—that she had been spending a Sunday afternoon in a gathering of the “demimonde.” Meaning the unknown land, that mercantile land, that mysterious half-world which underlies the aristocracy. But these Malaproperies are always inventions—they don't happen.

Speaking of Mrs. Leiter, there’s a noble lady in Vienna who’s facing similar gossip. She said in French—she's not great at French—that she had been spending a Sunday afternoon at a gathering of the “demimonde.” This refers to the unknown space, that commercial realm, that mysterious half-world that lies beneath the aristocracy. But these misunderstandings are always made up—they just don’t happen.

Yes, I wish we could have some talks; I'm full to the eye-lids. Had a noble good one with Parker and Dunham—land, but we were grateful for that visit!

Yes, I wish we could have some conversations; I'm overwhelmed. I had a really great chat with Parker and Dunham—man, we really appreciated that visit!

               Yours with all our loves.
                                        MARK.

                      [Inclosed with the foregoing.]
               Yours with all our love.
                                        MARK.

                      [Included with the above.]

Among the inadequate attempts to account for the assassination we must concede high rank to the German Emperor's. He justly describes it as a “deed unparalleled for ruthlessness,” and then adds that it was “ordained from above.”

Among the inadequate attempts to explain the assassination, we must acknowledge the high status of the German Emperor's assessment. He rightly describes it as a "deed unparalleled for ruthlessness" and then adds that it was "ordained from above."

I think this verdict will not be popular “above.” A man is either a free agent or he isn't. If a man is a free agent, this prisoner is responsible for what he has done; but if a man is not a free agent, if the deed was ordained from above, there is no rational way of making this prisoner even partially responsible for it, and the German court cannot condemn him without manifestly committing a crime. Logic is logic; and by disregarding its laws even Emperors as capable and acute as William II can be beguiled into making charges which should not be ventured upon except in the shelter of plenty of lightning-rods.

I think this verdict won't be popular "upstairs." A person is either a free agent or they're not. If someone is a free agent, then this prisoner is accountable for what he has done; but if a person isn't a free agent, if the act was predetermined from above, there’s no logical way to hold this prisoner even partially responsible for it, and the German court can’t convict him without clearly committing a wrong. Logic is logic; and by ignoring its principles, even capable and sharp leaders like William II can be misled into making accusations that should only be made with plenty of backup.

                                                       MARK.
MARK.
     The end of the year 1898 found Mark Twain once more in easy, even
     luxurious, circumstances.  The hard work and good fortune which had
     enabled him to pay his debts had, in the course of another year,
     provided what was comparative affluence: His report to Howells is
     characteristic and interesting.
     The end of the year 1898 found Mark Twain once again in comfortable, even luxurious, circumstances. The hard work and good luck that had helped him pay off his debts had, over the course of another year, brought him relative wealth: His report to Howells is typical and intriguing.










To W. D. Howells, in New York:

To W. D. Howells, in New York:

                                   HOTEL KRANTZ, WIEN, L.  NEVER MARKT 6
                                                       Dec.  30, '98.
                                   HOTEL KRANTZ, VIENNA, L.  NEVER MARKET 6
                                                       Dec.  30, '98.

DEAR HOWELLS,—I begin with a date—including all the details—though I shall be interrupted presently by a South-African acquaintance who is passing through, and it may be many days before I catch another leisure moment. Note how suddenly a thing can become habit, and how indestructible the habit is, afterward! In your house in Cambridge a hundred years ago, Mrs. Howells said to me, “Here is a bunch of your letters, and the dates are of no value, because you don't put any in—the years, anyway.” That remark diseased me with a habit which has cost me worlds of time and torture and ink, and millions of vain efforts and buckets of tears to break it, and here it is yet—I could easier get rid of a virtue.....

DEAR HOWELLS,—I’m starting with a date—complete with all the details—although I’ll probably be interrupted soon by a South African friend who is passing through, and it might be days before I get another free moment. Just notice how quickly a habit can form, and how hard it is to shake it later! In your house in Cambridge a hundred years ago, Mrs. Howells told me, “Here’s a bunch of your letters, but the dates don't matter because you never include them—the years, at least.” That comment gave me a habit that has cost me countless hours of time and frustration, a lot of ink, and many pointless attempts and tears to break, and here I am still stuck with it—I could more easily part with a virtue.....

I hope it will interest you (for I have no one else who would much care to know it) that here lately the dread of leaving the children in difficult circumstances has died down and disappeared and I am now having peace from that long, long nightmare, and can sleep as well as anyone. Every little while, for these three years, now, Mrs. Clemens has come with pencil and paper and figured up the condition of things (she keeps the accounts and the bank-book) and has proven to me that the clouds were lifting, and so has hoisted my spirits temporarily and kept me going till another figuring-up was necessary. Last night she figured up for her own satisfaction, not mine, and found that we own a house and furniture in Hartford; that my English and American copyrights pay an income which represents a value of $200,000; and that we have $107,000 cash in the bank. I have been out and bought a box of 6-cent cigars; I was smoking 4 1/2 centers before.

I hope you’re interested in this because I don’t have anyone else who would care much to hear it: lately, the fear of leaving the kids in tough situations has faded away, and I’m finally at peace from that long nightmare, able to sleep just like anyone else. For the past three years, Mrs. Clemens has come by with pencil and paper to calculate our situation (she manages the accounts and the bank book) and has shown me that the clouds are lifting, which has kept my spirits up temporarily, helping me keep going until the next time she needs to run the numbers. Last night she did the math for her own peace of mind, not mine, and discovered that we own a house and furniture in Hartford; that my English and American copyrights generate an income valued at $200,000; and that we have $107,000 in cash in the bank. I went out and bought a box of 6-cent cigars; I was smoking 4 1/2-cent ones before.

At the house of an English friend, on Christmas Eve, we saw the Mouse-Trap played and well played. I thought the house would kill itself with laughter. By George they played with life! and it was most devastatingly funny. And it was well they did, for they put us Clemenses in the front seat, and if they played it poorly I would have assaulted them. The head young man and girl were Americans, the other parts were taken by English, Irish and Scotch girls. Then there was a nigger-minstrel show, of the genuine old sort, and I enjoyed that, too, for the nigger-show was always a passion of mine. This one was created and managed by a Quaker doctor from Philada., (23 years old) and he was the middle man. There were 9 others—5 Americans from 5 States and a Scotchman, 2 Englishmen and an Irishman—all post-graduate-medical young fellows, of course—or, it could be music; but it would be bound to be one or the other.

At the house of an English friend on Christmas Eve, we watched a performance of the Mouse-Trap that was exceptionally well done. I thought the house would literally burst with laughter. By George, they performed with such passion! It was incredibly funny. Thankfully, they did a great job, as we Clemenses were seated in the front row, and had they not performed well, I would have let them know my displeasure. The main young man and woman were Americans, while the other roles were played by English, Irish, and Scottish girls. Then there was a traditional minstrel show, and I enjoyed that as well, as I've always had a fondness for minstrel shows. This one was created and run by a 23-year-old Quaker doctor from Philadelphia, and he was in the center of it all. There were nine others—five Americans from five different states, a Scot, two Englishmen, and an Irishman—all young graduates in medicine, of course—or perhaps it could be music; but it had to be one or the other.

It's quite true—I don't read you “as much as I ought,” nor anywhere near half as much as I want to; still I read you all I get a chance to. I saved up your last story to read when the numbers should be complete, but before that time arrived some other admirer of yours carried off the papers. I will watch admirers of yours when the Silver Wedding journey begins, and that will not happen again. The last chance at a bound book of yours was in London nearly two years ago—the last volume of your short things, by the Harpers. I read the whole book twice through and some of the chapters several times, and the reason that that was as far as I got with it was that I lent it to another admirer of yours and he is admiring it yet. Your admirers have ways of their own; I don't know where they get them.

It's true—I don't read you "as much as I should," or anywhere near half as much as I want to; still, I read everything I can get my hands on. I saved your last story to read when all the issues were out, but before that could happen, another fan of yours snatched up the papers. I’ll keep an eye on your fans when the Silver Wedding journey starts, and that won't happen again. The last chance I had to buy a complete book of yours was in London almost two years ago—the last volume of your short pieces, published by the Harpers. I read the whole book twice and some of the chapters several times, and the only reason I didn’t get further was that I lent it to another admirer of yours who is still enjoying it. Your fans have their own ways; I have no idea where they come from.

Yes, our project is to go home next autumn if we find we can afford to live in New York. We've asked a friend to inquire about flats and expenses. But perhaps nothing will come of it. We do afford to live in the finest hotel in Vienna, and have 4 bedrooms, a dining-room, a drawing-room, 3 bath-rooms and 3 Vorzimmers, (and food) but we couldn't get the half of it in New York for the same money ($600 a month).

Yes, our plan is to go home next autumn if we can afford to live in New York. We've asked a friend to check out apartments and costs. But maybe nothing will come of it. We can afford to stay at the best hotel in Vienna, which gives us 4 bedrooms, a dining room, a drawing room, 3 bathrooms, and 3 entry rooms (plus food), but we couldn't get half of that in New York for the same amount ($600 a month).

Susy hovers about us this holiday week, and the shadows fall all about us of

Susy is hovering around us this holiday week, and shadows are falling all around us.

               “The days when we went gipsying
               A long time ago.”
 
               “The days when we went traveling
               A long time ago.”

Death is so kind, so benignant, to whom he loves; but he goes by us others and will not look our way. We saw the “Master of Palmyra” last night. How Death, with the gentleness and majesty, made the human grand-folk around him seem little and trivial and silly!

Death is so kind and gentle to those he loves, but he passes by the rest of us and won’t even glance our way. We saw the “Master of Palmyra” last night. It's amazing how Death, with his grace and dignity, made the important people around him seem small, insignificant, and foolish!

With love from all of us to all of you.

With love from all of us to all of you.

                                             MARK.
MARK.




XXXVIII. LETTERS, 1899, TO HOWELLS AND OTHERS. VIENNA. LONDON. A SUMMER IN SWEDEN.

The beginning of 1899 found the Clemens family still in Vienna, occupying handsome apartments at the Hotel Krantz. Their rooms, so often thronged with gay and distinguished people, were sometimes called the “Second Embassy.” Clemens himself was the central figure of these assemblies. Of all the foreign visitors in the Austrian capital he was the most notable. Everywhere he was surrounded by a crowd of listeners—his sayings and opinions were widely quoted.

The start of 1899 had the Clemens family still in Vienna, staying in nice apartments at the Hotel Krantz. Their rooms, often filled with lively and prominent guests, were sometimes referred to as the “Second Embassy.” Clemens himself was the main attraction at these gatherings. Among all the foreign visitors in the Austrian capital, he stood out the most. He was always surrounded by an audience—his quotes and views were frequently shared.

A project for world disarmament promulgated by the Czar of Russia would naturally interest Mark Twain, and when William T. Stead, of the Review of Reviews, cabled him for an opinion on the matter, he sent at first a brief word and on the same day followed it with more extended comment. The great war which has since devastated the world gives to this incident an added interest.

A world disarmament project announced by the Czar of Russia would naturally catch Mark Twain's attention, and when William T. Stead from the Review of Reviews messaged him for his opinion on the issue, he initially replied with a short message and later on the same day provided a more detailed response. The massive war that has since ravaged the world adds even more significance to this event.










To Wm. T. Stead, in London:

To Wm. T. Stead, in London:

No. 1.

No. 1.

                                                       VIENNA, Jan.  9.
VIENNA, Jan. 9.

DEAR MR. STEAD,—The Czar is ready to disarm: I am ready to disarm. Collect the others, it should not be much of a task now.

DEAR MR. STEAD,—The Czar is ready to disarm: I am ready to disarm. Gather the others; it shouldn't be too difficult now.

                                        MARK TWAIN.
Mark Twain.










To Wm. T. Stead, in London:

To Wm. T. Stead, in London:

No. 2.

No. 2.

DEAR MR. STEAD,—Peace by compulsion. That seems a better idea than the other. Peace by persuasion has a pleasant sound, but I think we should not be able to work it. We should have to tame the human race first, and history seems to show that that cannot be done. Can't we reduce the armaments little by little—on a pro rata basis—by concert of the powers? Can't we get four great powers to agree to reduce their strength 10 per cent a year and thrash the others into doing likewise? For, of course, we cannot expect all of the powers to be in their right minds at one time. It has been tried. We are not going to try to get all of them to go into the scheme peaceably, are we? In that case I must withdraw my influence; because, for business reasons, I must preserve the outward signs of sanity. Four is enough if they can be securely harnessed together. They can compel peace, and peace without compulsion would be against nature and not operative. A sliding scale of reduction of 10 per cent a year has a sort of plausible look, and I am willing to try that if three other powers will join. I feel sure that the armaments are now many times greater than necessary for the requirements of either peace or war. Take wartime for instance. Suppose circumstances made it necessary for us to fight another Waterloo, and that it would do what it did before—settle a large question and bring peace. I will guess that 400,000 men were on hand at Waterloo (I have forgotten the figures). In five hours they disabled 50,000 men. It took them that tedious, long time because the firearms delivered only two or three shots a minute. But we would do the work now as it was done at Omdurman, with shower guns, raining 600 balls a minute. Four men to a gun—is that the number? A hundred and fifty shots a minute per man. Thus a modern soldier is 149 Waterloo soldiers in one. Thus, also, we can now retain one man out of each 150 in service, disband the others, and fight our Waterloos just as effectively as we did eighty-five years ago. We should do the same beneficent job with 2,800 men now that we did with 400,000 then. The allies could take 1,400 of the men, and give Napoleon 1,400 and then whip him.

DEAR MR. STEAD,—Peace through force. That seems like a better idea than the alternative. Peace through persuasion sounds nice, but I don't think we can pull it off. We would need to tame humanity first, and history shows us that’s impossible. Can't we gradually reduce armaments—on a proportional basis—through cooperation among the powers? Can't we get four major powers to agree to cut their military strength by 10 percent a year and pressure the others into doing the same? Because, of course, we can't expect all nations to be sane at the same time. That’s been tried before. We’re not going to try to get all of them to join the plan peacefully, are we? In that case, I have to withdraw my support; for business reasons, I need to maintain the appearance of sanity. Four is enough if they can be effectively united. They can enforce peace, and peace without force would be unnatural and ineffective. A gradual reduction of 10 percent a year seems reasonable, and I'm willing to go for that if three other powers are on board. I truly believe that our armaments are now excessively larger than needed for either peace or war. Take wartime as an example. Imagine if we had to fight another Waterloo, and it could achieve what it did before—resolve a major issue and bring peace. I would estimate that 400,000 troops were present at Waterloo (I don't remember the exact numbers). In five hours, they incapacitated 50,000 men. It took so long because firearms could only shoot two or three rounds per minute. But now we would fight like we did at Omdurman, with rapid-fire guns spraying 600 rounds a minute. Is it four men per gun? That’s 150 shots a minute for each soldier. So, a modern soldier is essentially 149 soldiers from Waterloo in one. This means we can keep one out of every 150 soldiers active, disband the rest, and handle our battles just as effectively as we did eighty-five years ago. We could accomplish the same important task with 2,800 troops now as we did with 400,000 back then. The allies could take 1,400 of those soldiers and give Napoleon 1,400, then defeat him.

But instead what do we see? In war-time in Germany, Russia and France, taken together we find about 8 million men equipped for the field. Each man represents 149 Waterloo men, in usefulness and killing capacity. Altogether they constitute about 350 million Waterloo men, and there are not quite that many grown males of the human race now on this planet. Thus we have this insane fact—that whereas those three countries could arm 18,000 men with modern weapons and make them the equals of 3 million men of Napoleon's day, and accomplish with them all necessary war work, they waste their money and their prosperity creating forces of their populations in piling together 349,982,000 extra Waterloo equivalents which they would have no sort of use for if they would only stop drinking and sit down and cipher a little.

But instead, what do we see? During wartime in Germany, Russia, and France, there are about 8 million men ready for battle. Each one is as effective and lethal as 149 soldiers from Waterloo. Together, they add up to roughly 350 million Waterloo soldiers, and there aren’t even that many adult men on the planet right now. So, here’s the crazy reality: while these three countries could equip 18,000 men with modern weapons and make them equal to 3 million men from Napoleon's time, accomplishing all necessary military tasks with them, they waste their resources and prosperity by assembling a force that adds up to 349,982,000 extra equivalents of Waterloo soldiers that they wouldn't even need if they just stopped drinking and took a moment to think things through.

Perpetual peace we cannot have on any terms, I suppose; but I hope we can gradually reduce the war strength of Europe till we get it down to where it ought to be—20,000 men, properly armed. Then we can have all the peace that is worth while, and when we want a war anybody can afford it.

We can’t achieve lasting peace under any conditions, I guess; but I hope we can slowly cut down Europe’s military forces until we bring them down to where they should be—20,000 well-equipped soldiers. Then we can have all the peace that truly matters, and when a war is needed, it’ll be affordable for anyone.

                                                  VIENNA, January 9.
Vienna, January 9.

P. S.—In the article I sent the figures are wrong—“350 million” ought to be 450 million; “349,982,000” ought to be 449,982,000, and the remark about the sum being a little more than the present number of males on the planet—that is wrong, of course; it represents really one and a half the existing males.

P. S.—In the article I sent, the figures are incorrect—“350 million” should be 450 million; “349,982,000” should be 449,982,000, and the comment about the total being just slightly more than the current number of males on the planet is wrong, of course; it actually represents one and a half times the existing males.

     Now and then one of Mark Twain's old comrades still reached out to
     him across the years.  He always welcomed such letters—they came as
     from a lost land of romance, recalled always with tenderness.  He
     sent light, chaffing replies, but they were never without an
     undercurrent of affection.
     Now and then, one of Mark Twain's old friends would still reach out to him after all those years. He always welcomed these letters—they felt like they came from a distant, romantic place, remembered with warmth. He sent back playful, teasing replies, but they always carried a hint of warmth and affection.










To Major “Jack” Downing, in Middleport, Ohio:

To Major “Jack” Downing, in Middleport, Ohio:

                              HOTEL KRANTZ, WEIN, I, NEUER MART 6,
                                                  Feb.  26, 1899.
                              HOTEL KRANTZ, VIENNA, I, NEUER MART 6,
                                                  Feb. 26, 1899.

DEAR MAJOR,—No: it was to Bixby that I was apprenticed. He was to teach me the river for a certain specified sum. I have forgotten what it was, but I paid it. I steered a trip for Bart Bowen, of Keokuk, on the A. T. Lacy, and I was partner with Will Bowen on the A. B. Chambers (one trip), and with Sam Bowen a whole summer on a small Memphis packet.

DEAR MAJOR,—No, I was apprenticed to Bixby. He was supposed to teach me about the river for a specific amount of money. I can’t remember how much it was, but I paid it. I steered a trip for Bart Bowen from Keokuk on the A. T. Lacy, and I partnered with Will Bowen on the A. B. Chambers for one trip, and spent an entire summer with Sam Bowen on a small Memphis packet.

The newspaper report you sent me is incorrect. Bixby is not 67: he is 97. I am 63 myself, and I couldn't talk plain and had just begun to walk when I apprenticed myself to Bixby who was then passing himself off for 57 and successfully too, for he always looked 60 or 70 years younger than he really was. At that time he was piloting the Mississippi on a Potomac commission granted him by George Washington who was a personal friend of his before the Revolution. He has piloted every important river in America, on that commission, he has also used it as a passport in Russia. I have never revealed these facts before. I notice, too, that you are deceiving the people concerning your age. The printed portrait which you have enclosed is not a portrait of you, but a portrait of me when I was 19. I remember very well when it was common for people to mistake Bixby for your grandson. Is it spreading, I wonder—this disposition of pilots to renew their youth by doubtful methods? Beck Jolly and Joe Bryan—they probably go to Sunday school now—but it will not deceive.

The newspaper article you sent me is wrong. Bixby isn’t 67; he’s 97. I’m 63 myself, and I couldn’t speak clearly and had just started to walk when I became Bixby’s apprentice. At that time, he was pretending to be 57, and he pulled it off, too, because he always looked 60 or 70 years younger than he actually was. Back then, he was piloting the Mississippi on a commission from George Washington, who was a personal friend of his before the Revolution. He’s piloted every major river in America on that commission, and he’s even used it as a passport in Russia. I’ve never shared these details before. I also notice that you’re misleading people about your age. The photo you enclosed isn’t of you; it’s a picture of me when I was 19. I clearly remember when it was common for people to mistake Bixby for your grandson. I wonder if this trend is spreading—this habit of pilots trying to regain their youth through questionable means? Beck Jolly and Joe Bryan—they probably go to Sunday school now—but it won’t fool anyone.

Yes, it is as you say. All of the procession but a fraction has passed. It is time for us all to fall in.

Yes, you’re right. Almost the entire procession has moved on. It’s time for us to join in.

                         Sincerely yours,
                                   S. L. CLEMENS.
Best regards,  
                                   S. L. CLEMENS.










To W. D. Howells, in New York:

To W. D. Howells, in New York:

                                   HOTEL KRANTZ, WIEN I.  NEUER MARKT 6
                                                  April 2, '99.
                                   HOTEL KRANTZ, VIENNA 1.  NEW MARKET 6
                                                  April 2, '99.

DEAR HOWELLS,—I am waiting for the April Harper, which is about due now; waiting, and strongly interested. You are old enough to be a weary man, with paling interests, but you do not show it. You do your work in the same old delicate and delicious and forceful and searching and perfect way. I don't know how you can—but I suspect. I suspect that to you there is still dignity in human life, and that Man is not a joke—a poor joke—the poorest that was ever contrived. Since I wrote my Bible, (last year)—[“What Is Man.”]—which Mrs. Clemens loathes, and shudders over, and will not listen to the last half nor allow me to print any part of it, Man is not to me the respect-worthy person he was before; and so I have lost my pride in him, and can't write gaily nor praisefully about him any more. And I don't intend to try. I mean to go on writing, for that is my best amusement, but I shan't print much (for I don't wish to be scalped, any more than another.)

DEAR HOWELLS,—I'm waiting for the April Harper, which should be arriving soon; waiting, and really interested. You’re old enough to feel worn out, with fading interests, but you don’t show it. You still do your work in that same old delicate, delicious, forceful, searching, and perfect way. I don't know how you manage it—but I have my suspicions. I suspect that you still see dignity in human life, and that you don't think of Man as a joke—a bad joke—the worst one ever created. Since I wrote my Bible (last year)—[“What Is Man.”]—which Mrs. Clemens hates, shudders at, and won’t listen to the second half nor allow me to publish any part of, Man is no longer the admirable figure he once was to me; and so I’ve lost my pride in him, and I can’t write cheerfully or praise him anymore. And I don’t plan to try. I intend to keep writing, since that's my best way to have fun, but I won’t publish much (because I don’t want to be shredded, any more than anyone else does.)

April 5. The Harper has come. I have been in Leipzig with your party, and then went on to Karlsbad and saw Mrs. Marsh's encounter with the swine with the toothpick and the other manners—[“Their Silver Wedding Journey.”]—At this point Jean carried the magazine away.

April 5. The Harper has arrived. I was in Leipzig with your group, and then went on to Karlsbad and witnessed Mrs. Marsh's run-in with the pig and the other quirky behaviors—[“Their Silver Wedding Journey.”]—At this point, Jean took the magazine away.

Is it imagination, or—Anyway I seem to get furtive and fleeting glimpses which I take to be the weariness and condolence of age; indifference to sights and things once brisk with interest; tasteless stale stuff which used to be champagne; the boredom of travel: the secret sigh behind the public smile, the private What-in-hell-did-I-come-for!

Is it just my imagination, or—Anyway, I seem to catch quick, sneaky glimpses that I interpret as the fatigue and sympathy of old age; a lack of interest in things that once excited me; lifeless, bland experiences that used to feel like celebrations; the monotony of traveling: the hidden sigh behind the public smile, the private thought of What-in-the-world-did-I-come-here-for!

But maybe that is your art. Maybe that is what you intend the reader to detect and think he has made a Columbus-discovery. Then it is well done, perfectly done. I wrote my last travel book—[Following the Equator.]—in hell; but I let on, the best I could, that it was an excursion through heaven. Some day I will read it, and if its lying cheerfulness fools me, then I shall believe it fooled the reader. How I did loathe that journey around the world!—except the sea-part and India.

But maybe that's your art. Maybe you want the reader to notice and feel like they've made a groundbreaking discovery. If that's the case, well done, perfectly done. I wrote my last travel book—[Following the Equator.]—in a really tough time; but I tried my best to make it seem like a journey through paradise. Someday I'll read it, and if its false cheerfulness tricks me, then I'll believe it tricked the reader too. I absolutely hated that trip around the world!—except for the part at sea and India.

Evening. My tail hangs low. I thought I was a financier—and I bragged to you. I am not bragging, now. The stock which I sold at such a fine profit early in January, has never ceased to advance, and is now worth $60,000 more than I sold it for. I feel just as if I had been spending $20,000 a month, and I feel reproached for this showy and unbecoming extravagance.

Evening. My tail is down. I thought I was a big shot in finance—and I bragged about it to you. I'm not bragging now. The stock I sold for such a great profit back in January has kept rising, and it's now worth $60,000 more than what I sold it for. I feel like I've been throwing away $20,000 a month, and I feel guilty for this flashy and inappropriate spending.

Last week I was going down with the family to Budapest to lecture, and to make a speech at a banquet. Just as I was leaving here I got a telegram from London asking for the speech for a New York paper. I (this is strictly private) sent it. And then I didn't make that speech, but another of a quite different character—a speech born of something which the introducer said. If that said speech got cabled and printed, you needn't let on that it was never uttered.

Last week, I was headed to Budapest with my family to give a lecture and make a speech at a banquet. Just as I was leaving, I received a telegram from London requesting the speech for a New York paper. I (this is strictly private) sent it. However, I ended up giving a different speech, one inspired by something the introducer mentioned. If that speech gets cabled and published, don't let on that it was never actually spoken.

That was a darling night, and those Hungarians were lively people. We were there a week and had a great time. At the banquet I heard their chief orator make a most graceful and easy and beautiful and delicious speech—I never heard one that enchanted me more—although I did not understand a word of it, since it was in Hungarian. But the art of it!—it was superlative.

That was a lovely night, and those Hungarians were such lively people. We spent a week there and had an amazing time. At the banquet, I heard their chief speaker give a wonderfully graceful, effortless, beautiful, and engaging speech—I’ve never heard one that captivated me more—even though I didn’t understand a single word since it was in Hungarian. But the skill of it! It was outstanding.

They are wonderful English scholars, these people; my lecture audience—all Hungarians—understood me perfectly—to judge by the effects. The English clergyman told me that in his congregation are 150 young English women who earn their living teaching their language; and that there are others besides these.

They are amazing English scholars, these people; my lecture audience—all Hungarians—understood me perfectly—judging by the response. The English clergyman told me that in his congregation, there are 150 young English women who make a living teaching their language; and that there are others besides them.

For 60 cents a week the telephone reads the morning news to you at home; gives you the stocks and markets at noon; gives you lessons in 3 foreign languages during 3 hours; gives you the afternoon telegrams; and at night the concerts and operas. Of course even the clerks and seamstresses and bootblacks and everybody else are subscribers.

For 60 cents a week, the telephone reads the morning news to you at home; gives you stock updates and market info at noon; provides lessons in 3 foreign languages for 3 hours; delivers the afternoon telegrams; and at night, lets you enjoy concerts and operas. Naturally, even the clerks, seamstresses, bootblacks, and everyone else subscribe.

(Correction. Mrs. Clemens says it is 60 cents a month.)

(Correction. Mrs. Clemens says it's 60 cents a month.)

I am renewing my youth. I made 4 speeches at one banquet here last Saturday night. And I've been to a lot of football matches.

I am refreshing my youth. I gave 4 speeches at a banquet here last Saturday night. And I've attended a lot of football games.

Jean has been in here examining the poll for the Immortals (“Literature,” March 24,) in the hope, I think, that at last she should find me at the top and you in second place; and if that is her ambition she has suffered disappointment for the third time—and will never fare any better, I hope, for you are where you belong, by every right. She wanted to know who it is that does the voting, but I was not able to tell her. Nor when the election will be completed and decided.

Jean has been in here looking at the poll for the Immortals (“Literature,” March 24,) hoping to finally see me in first place and you in second. If that’s what she wanted, she’s been disappointed for the third time—and I hope it stays that way because you deserve to be where you are. She asked me who votes, but I couldn’t tell her. And I also didn’t know when the election will be finished and the results decided.

Next Morning. I have been reading the morning paper. I do it every morning—well knowing that I shall find in it the usual depravities and basenesses and hypocrisies and cruelties that make up civilization, and cause me to put in the rest of the day pleading for the damnation of the human race. I cannot seem to get my prayers answered, yet I do not despair.

Next Morning. I've been reading the morning paper. I do this every morning—fully aware that I'll find the usual corruptions, dishonesty, hypocrisy, and cruelty that characterize society, and that make me spend the rest of the day advocating for the damnation of humanity. I can't seem to get my prayers answered, but I don't lose hope.

(Escaped from) 5 o'clock tea ('sh!) Oh, the American girl in Europe! Often she is creditable, but sometimes she is just shocking. This one, a minute ago—19, fat-face, raspy voice, pert ways, the self-complacency of God; and with it all a silly laugh (embarrassed) which kept breaking out through her chatter all along, whereas there was no call for it, for she said nothing that was funny. “Spose so many 've told y' how they 'njoyed y'r chapt'r on the Germ' tongue it's bringin' coals to Newcastle Kehe! say anything 'bout it Ke-hehe! Spent m' vacation 'n Russia, 'n saw Tolstoi; he said—” It made me shudder.

(Escaped from) 5 o'clock tea ('sh!) Oh, the American girl in Europe! Sometimes she’s impressive, but other times she’s just embarrassing. This one, a minute ago—19, round face, scratchy voice, cheeky attitude, so impressed with herself; and on top of it all, a silly laugh (embarrassed) that kept breaking out while she talked, even though nothing she said was funny. “I bet a lot of people have told you how much they enjoyed your chapter on the German language; it’s like bringing coals to Newcastle! Hehe! Say anything about it, hehe! Spent my vacation in Russia and met Tolstoy; he said—” It made me shudder.

April 12. Jean has been in here with a copy of Literature, complaining that I am again behind you in the election of the 10 consecrated members; and seems troubled about it and not quite able to understand it. But I have explained to her that you are right there on the ground, inside the pool-booth, keeping game—and that that makes a large difference in these things.

April 12. Jean has been in here with a copy of Literature, complaining that I am still behind you in the election of the 10 consecrated members; she seems worried about it and doesn't quite get it. But I have explained to her that you are right there on the ground, inside the polling booth, keeping things in check—and that makes a big difference in these matters.

13th. I have been to the Knustausstellung with Mrs. Clemens. The office of art seems to be to grovel in the dirt before Emperors and this and that and the other damned breed of priests.

13th. I went to the art exhibition with Mrs. Clemens. The art world seems to be about bowing down to emperors and all sorts of other self-important figures.

                                   Yrs ever
                                             MARK.
Your ever  
                                             MARK.
     Howells and Clemens were corresponding regularly again, though not
     with the frequency of former years.  Perhaps neither of them was
     bubbling over with things to say; perhaps it was becoming yearly
     less attractive to pick up a pen and write, and then, of course,
     there was always the discouragement of distance.  Once Howells
     wrote: “I know this will find you in Austria before I can well turn
     round, but I must make believe you are in Kennebunkport before I can
     begin it.”  And in another letter: “It ought to be as pleasant to
     sit down and write to you as to sit down and talk to you, but it
     isn't.....  The only reason why I write is that I want another
     letter from you, and because I have a whole afternoon for the job.
     I have the whole of every afternoon, for I cannot work later than
     lunch.  I am fagged by that time, and Sunday is the only day that
     brings unbearable leisure.  I hope you will be in New York another
     winter; then I shall know what to do with these foretastes of
     eternity.”

     Clemens usually wrote at considerable length, for he had a good deal
     to report of his life in the Austrian capital, now drawing to a
     close.
Howells and Clemens were writing to each other regularly again, though not as often as in the past. Maybe neither of them had much to say; perhaps it was becoming less appealing to pick up a pen and write each year, and then, of course, there was always the discouragement of distance. Once Howells wrote, “I know this will reach you in Austria before I can even turn around, but I have to pretend you’re in Kennebunkport before I can start.” And in another letter: “It should be just as nice to sit down and write to you as to sit down and talk to you, but it isn't... The only reason I’m writing is that I want another letter from you, and because I have an entire afternoon to do it. I have all afternoon free, since I can’t work past lunch. By that time, I’m wiped out, and Sunday is the only day that feels unbearably empty. I hope you’ll be in New York again next winter; then I’ll know what to do with these hints of eternity.”

Clemens usually wrote quite a bit, as he had a lot to share about his life in the Austrian capital, which was now coming to an end.










To W. D. Howells, in New York:

To W. D. Howells, in New York:

                                                       May 12, 1899.
May 12, 1899.

DEAR HOWELLS,—7.15 p. m. Tea (for Mr. and Mrs. Tower, who are leaving for Russia) just over; nice people and rather creditable to the human race: Mr. and Mrs. Tower; the new Minister and his wife; the Secretary of Legation; the Naval (and Military) Attach; several English ladies; an Irish lady; a Scotch lady; a particularly nice young Austrian baron who wasn't invited but came and went supposing it was the usual thing and wondered at the unusually large gathering; two other Austrians and several Americans who were also in his fix; the old Baronin Langeman, the only Austrian invited; the rest were Americans. It made just a comfortable crowd in our parlor, with an overflow into Clara's through the folding doors. I don't enjoy teas, and am daily spared them by Mrs. Clemens, but this was a pleasant one. I had only one accident. The old Baronin Langeman is a person I have a strong fondness for, for we violently disagree on some subjects and as violently agree on others—for instance, she is temperance and I am not: she has religious beliefs and feelings and I have none; (she's a Methodist!) she is a democrat and so am I; she is woman's rights and so am I; she is laborers' rights and approves trades unions and strikes, and that is me. And so on. After she was gone an English lady whom I greatly like, began to talk sharply against her for contributing money, time, labor, and public expression of favor to a strike that is on (for an 11-hour day) in the silk factories of Bohemia—and she caught me unprepared and betrayed me into over-warm argument. I am sorry: for she didn't know anything about the subject, and I did; and one should be gentle with the ignorant, for they are the chosen of God.

DEAR HOWELLS,—7:15 p.m. Tea (for Mr. and Mrs. Tower, who are leaving for Russia) has just finished; they’re nice people and quite decent representatives of humanity: Mr. and Mrs. Tower, the new Minister and his wife, the Secretary of Legation, the Naval (and Military) Attaché, a few English ladies, an Irish lady, a Scottish lady, a particularly nice young Austrian baron who wasn’t invited but came assuming it was the usual thing and was surprised by the unusually large gathering; two other Austrians and several Americans who were in the same situation; the old Baroness Langeman, the only Austrian who was invited; the rest were Americans. It made for a comfortable group in our parlor, spilling into Clara's through the folding doors. I’m not a fan of teas, and Mrs. Clemens usually saves me from them, but this one was nice. I had only one mishap. I have a strong fondness for the old Baroness Langeman because we strongly disagree on some topics and equally strongly agree on others—for example, she's for temperance and I’m not; she has religious beliefs and feelings while I have none; (she's a Methodist!) she’s a democrat and so am I; she advocates for women’s rights, and so do I; she supports workers' rights and endorses trade unions and strikes, and that aligns with my views. And so on. After she left, an English lady I really like started to criticize her for contributing money, time, effort, and public support for a strike (for an 11-hour workday) in the silk factories of Bohemia—and she caught me off guard and drew me into an heated argument. I regret it because she didn’t know anything about the issue, but I did; and we should be gentle with the ignorant, for they are the chosen of God.

(The new Minister is a good man, but out of place. The Sec. of Legation is a good man, but out of place. The Attache is a good man, but out of place. Our government for displacement beats the new White Star ship; and her possible is 17,200 tons.)

(The new Minister is a decent guy, but he's not a good fit. The Sec. of Legation is a decent guy, but he's not a good fit. The Attaché is a decent guy, but he's not a good fit. Our government for displacement outdoes the new White Star ship; and its potential is 17,200 tons.)

May 13, 4 p. m. A beautiful English girl and her handsome English husband came up and spent the evening, and she certainly is a bird. English parents—she was born and reared in Roumania and couldn't talk English till she was 8 or 10. She came up clothed like the sunset, and was a delight to look at. (Roumanian costume.).....

May 13, 4 p.m. A beautiful English girl and her handsome English husband came by and spent the evening, and she is definitely a stunner. Her parents are English—she was born and raised in Romania and couldn't speak English until she was about 8 or 10. She arrived dressed like the sunset and was a joy to behold. (Romanian costume.).....

Twenty-four young people have gone out to the Semmering to-day (and to-morrow) and Mrs. Clemens and an English lady and old Leschetitzky and his wife have gone to chaperon them. They gave me a chance to go, but there are no snow mountains that I want to look at. Three hours out, three hours back, and sit up all night watching the young people dance; yelling conversationally and being yelled at, conversationally, by new acquaintances, through the deafening music, about how I like Vienna, and if it's my first visit, and how long we expect to stay, and did I see the foot-washing, and am I writing a book about Vienna, and so on. The terms seemed too severe. Snow mountains are too dear at the price....

Twenty-four young people have gone to Semmering today (and tomorrow), and Mrs. Clemens, an English lady, and old Leschetitzky and his wife are there to chaperone them. They invited me to join, but I'm not interested in looking at snow-capped mountains. Three hours there, three hours back, and then staying up all night watching the young people dance; having casual conversations and being talked at by new acquaintances over the loud music about how I like Vienna, if it’s my first visit, how long we plan to stay, if I saw the foot-washing, and if I'm writing a book about Vienna, and so on. The terms felt too demanding. Snow-capped mountains aren’t worth that price....

For several years I have been intending to stop writing for print as soon as I could afford it. At last I can afford it, and have put the pot-boiler pen away. What I have been wanting is a chance to write a book without reserves—a book which should take account of no one's feelings, and no one's prejudices, opinions, beliefs, hopes, illusions, delusions; a book which should say my say, right out of my heart, in the plainest language and without a limitation of any sort. I judged that that would be an unimaginable luxury, heaven on earth.

For years, I've wanted to stop writing for print as soon as I could afford to. Finally, I can afford it, and I've put away the quick-money writing. What I’ve been looking for is the chance to write a book without holding back—a book that doesn't care about anyone's feelings, biases, opinions, beliefs, hopes, illusions, or delusions; a book that expresses my thoughts directly from my heart, in the simplest language and without any restrictions. I thought that would be an incredible luxury, heaven on earth.

It is under way, now, and it is a luxury! an intellectual drunk: Twice I didn't start it right; and got pretty far in, both times, before I found it out. But I am sure it is started right this time. It is in tale-form. I believe I can make it tell what I think of Man, and how he is constructed, and what a shabby poor ridiculous thing he is, and how mistaken he is in his estimate of his character and powers and qualities and his place among the animals.

It’s happening now, and it’s a real treat! An intellectual high: Twice I didn’t kick it off right; and I got pretty far in both times before I realized it. But I’m confident it’s started correctly this time. It’s in story form. I think I can express what I believe about humanity, how we’re built, how shabby and ridiculous we are, and how mistaken we are about our character, abilities, and where we fit among the animals.

So far, I think I am succeeding. I let the madam into the secret day before yesterday, and locked the doors and read to her the opening chapters. She said—

So far, I think I'm doing well. I let the madam in on the secret the day before yesterday, locked the doors, and read her the first chapters. She said—

“It is perfectly horrible—and perfectly beautiful!”

“It’s totally awful—and totally beautiful!”

“Within the due limits of modesty, that is what I think.”

“Within the appropriate limits of modesty, that’s what I believe.”

I hope it will take me a year or two to write it, and that it will turn out to be the right vessel to contain all the abuse I am planning to dump into it.

I hope it will take me a year or two to write it, and that it will turn out to be the right container for all the stuff I'm planning to throw into it.

                         Yours ever
                                        MARK.
Yours always,  
                                        MARK.
     The story mentioned in the foregoing, in which Mark Twain was to
     give his opinion of man, was The Mysterious Stranger.  It was not
     finished at the time, and its closing chapter was not found until
     after his death.  Six years later (1916) it was published serially
     in Harper's Magazine, and in book form.

     The end of May found the Clemens party in London, where they were
     received and entertained with all the hospitality they had known in
     earlier years.  Clemens was too busy for letter-writing, but in the
     midst of things he took time to report to Howells an amusing
     incident of one of their entertainments.
     The story mentioned earlier, where Mark Twain was supposed to share his thoughts on humanity, was The Mysterious Stranger. It wasn’t finished at the time, and the last chapter wasn’t discovered until after his death. Six years later (1916), it was published in parts in Harper's Magazine and later as a book.

     By the end of May, the Clemens group was in London, where they were welcomed and entertained with the same hospitality they had experienced in previous years. Clemens was too busy to write letters, but in the midst of everything, he took a moment to tell Howells about a funny incident from one of their gatherings.










To W. D. Howells, in America:

To W. D. Howells, in America:

                                                  LONDON, July 3, '99
LONDON, July 3, 1999

DEAR HOWELLS,—..... I've a lot of things to write you, but it's no use—I can't get time for anything these days. I must break off and write a postscript to Canon Wilberforce before I go to bed. This afternoon he left a luncheon-party half an hour ahead of the rest, and carried off my hat (which has Mark Twain in a big hand written in it.) When the rest of us came out there was but one hat that would go on my head—it fitted exactly, too. So wore it away. It had no name in it, but the Canon was the only man who was absent. I wrote him a note at 8 p.m.; saying that for four hours I had not been able to take anything that did not belong to me, nor stretch a fact beyond the frontiers of truth, and my family were getting alarmed. Could he explain my trouble? And now at 8.30 p.m. comes a note from him to say that all the afternoon he has been exhibiting a wonder-compelling mental vivacity and grace of expression, etc., etc., and have I missed a hat? Our letters have crossed.

DEAR HOWELLS,—..... I have so much to tell you, but honestly, I just can’t find the time these days. I need to wrap this up and write a postscript to Canon Wilberforce before I hit the hay. This afternoon, he left a luncheon party half an hour early and accidentally took my hat (which has Mark Twain’s name written in big letters inside). When the rest of us came out, there was only one hat that fit me perfectly. So, I wore it home. There was no name in it, but the Canon was the only one missing. I wrote him a note at 8 p.m., saying that for four hours, I hadn’t been able to take anything that wasn’t mine or stretch the truth in any way, and my family was starting to worry. Could he help me figure this out? And now at 8:30 p.m., I just got a note from him saying that all afternoon he’s been displaying an impressive level of mental sharpness and eloquence, etc., etc., and did I happen to lose a hat? Our letters must have crossed.

                              Yours ever
                                             MARK.
Always yours,  
                                             MARK.
     News came of the death of Robert Ingersoll.  Clemens had been always
     one of his most ardent admirers, and a warm personal friend.  To
     Ingersoll's niece he sent a word of heartfelt sympathy.
     News came of the death of Robert Ingersoll. Clemens had always been one of his biggest admirers and a close personal friend. To Ingersoll's niece, he sent a message of heartfelt sympathy.










To Miss Eva Farrell, in New York:

To Miss Eva Farrell, in New York:

                                   30 WELLINGTON COURT, ALBERT GATE.
30 Wellington Court, Albert Gate.

DEAR MISS FARRELL,—Except my daughter's, I have not grieved for any death as I have grieved for his. His was a great and beautiful spirit, he was a man—all man from his crown to his foot soles. My reverence for him was deep and genuine; I prized his affection for me and returned it with usury.

DEAR MISS FARRELL,—Other than my daughter's, I haven't mourned any death as much as I have for his. He had a great and beautiful spirit; he was truly a man—from his head to his toes. My respect for him was deep and authentic; I valued his love for me and gave back even more.

                    Sincerely Yours,
                                   S. L. CLEMENS.
Best regards,  
                                   S. L. CLEMENS.
     Clemens and family decided to spend the summer in Sweden, at Sauna,
     in order to avail themselves of osteopathic treatment as practised
     by Heinrick Kellgren.  Kellgren's method, known as the “Swedish
     movements,” seemed to Mark Twain a wonderful cure for all ailments,
     and he heralded the discovery far and wide.  He wrote to friends far
     and near advising them to try Kellgren for anything they might
     happen to have.  Whatever its beginning, any letter was likely to
     close with some mention of the new panacea.
     Clemens and his family decided to spend the summer in Sweden, at Sauna, to take advantage of osteopathic treatment provided by Heinrick Kellgren. Kellgren's method, known as the “Swedish movements,” seemed to Mark Twain like a fantastic cure for all kinds of ailments, and he promoted the discovery extensively. He wrote to friends far and wide, urging them to try Kellgren for whatever issues they might have. No matter how a letter started, it was likely to end with a mention of the new miracle solution.










To Rev. J. H. Twichell, traveling in Europe:

To Rev. J. H. Twichell, traveling in Europe:

                                             SANNA, Sept. 6, '99.
SANNA, Sept. 6, 1999.

DEAR JOE,—I've no business in here—I ought to be outside. I shall never see another sunset to begin with it this side of heaven. Venice? land, what a poor interest that is! This is the place to be. I have seen about 60 sunsets here; and a good 40 of them were clear and away beyond anything I had ever imagined before for dainty and exquisite and marvellous beauty and infinite change and variety. America? Italy? The tropics? They have no notion of what a sunset ought to be. And this one—this unspeakable wonder! It discounts all the rest. It brings the tears, it is so unutterably beautiful.

DEAR JOE,—I shouldn’t be in here—I need to be outside. I’ll never see another sunset like this on this side of heaven. Venice? That’s not even close! This is where I need to be. I’ve seen about 60 sunsets here, and at least 40 of them were clear and beyond anything I ever imagined—so delicate, exquisite, stunning, and filled with endless change and variety. America? Italy? The tropics? They have no idea what a sunset should be like. And this one—this indescribable beauty! It puts all the others to shame. It brings tears to my eyes; it’s just that stunning.

If I had time, I would say a word about this curative system here. The people actually do several of the great things the Christian Scientists pretend to do. You wish to advise with a physician about it? Certainly. There is no objection. He knows next to something about his own trade, but that will not embarrass him in framing a verdict about this one. I respect your superstitions—we all have them. It would be quite natural for the cautious Chinaman to ask his native priest to instruct him as to the value of the new religious specialty which the Western missionary is trying to put on the market, before investing in it. (He would get a verdict.)

If I had the time, I would mention this healing system here. The people actually do some of the amazing things that Christian Scientists claim to do. Do you want to consult a doctor about it? Absolutely. There’s no problem with that. He knows a little about his own profession, but that won’t stop him from forming an opinion about this one. I respect your beliefs—we all have them. It would be totally natural for a cautious person from China to ask his local priest for guidance on the value of the new religious approach that the Western missionary is trying to promote, before making an investment in it. (He would get an opinion.)

                         Love to you all!
                                   Always Yours
                                                  MARK.

     Howells wrote that he was going on a reading-tour-dreading it, of
     course-and asking for any advice that Clemens felt qualified to
     give.  Naturally, Clemens gave him the latest he had in stock,
     without realizing, perhaps, that he was recommending an individual
     practice which few would be likely to imitate.  Nevertheless, what
     he says is interesting.
                         Love to you all!
                                   Always Yours
                                                  MARK.

     Howells mentioned that he was heading out on a reading tour—dreading it, of course—and asked for any advice that Clemens felt he could offer. Naturally, Clemens shared the latest tips he had, not fully realizing that he was suggesting a personal approach that few would probably try to copy. Still, what he says is intriguing.










To W. D. Howells, in America:

To W. D. Howells, in America:

                                        SANNA, SWEDEN, Sept. 26, '99.
Sanna, Sweden, Sept. 26, 1999.

DEAR HOWELLS,—Get your lecture by heart—it will pay you. I learned a trick in Vienna—by accident—which I wish I had learned years ago. I meant to read from a Tauchnitz, because I knew I hadn't well memorized the pieces; and I came on with the book and read a few sentences, then remembered that the sketch needed a few words of explanatory introduction; and so, lowering the book and now and then unconsciously using it to gesture with, I talked the introduction, and it happened to carry me into the sketch itself, and then I went on, pretending that I was merely talking extraneous matter and would come to the sketch presently. It was a beautiful success. I knew the substance of the sketch and the telling phrases of it; and so, the throwing of the rest of it into informal talk as I went along limbered it up and gave it the snap and go and freshness of an impromptu. I was to read several pieces, and I played the same game with all of them, and always the audience thought I was being reminded of outside things and throwing them in, and was going to hold up the book and begin on the sketch presently—and so I always got through the sketch before they were entirely sure that it had begun. I did the same thing in Budapest and had the same good time over again. It's a new dodge, and the best one that was ever invented. Try it. You'll never lose your audience—not even for a moment. Their attention is fixed, and never wavers. And that is not the case where one reads from book or MS., or where he stands up without a note and frankly exposes the fact, by his confident manner and smooth phrasing, that he is not improvising, but reciting from memory. And in the heat of telling a thing that is memorised in substance only, one flashes out the happiest suddenly-begotten phrases every now and then! Try it. Such a phrase has a life and sparkle about it that twice as good a one could not exhibit if prepared beforehand, and it “fetches” an audience in such an enthusing and inspiring and uplifting way that that lucky phrase breeds another one, sure.

DEAR HOWELLS,—Memorize your lecture—it will be worth it. I picked up a trick in Vienna—by accident—that I wish I had discovered years ago. I planned to read from a Tauchnitz because I knew I hadn’t memorized the pieces well enough. I started with the book, read a few sentences, then realized that the sketch needed a few words of explanation upfront. So, I lowered the book and started talking, unconsciously using it to gesture, and it naturally led me into the sketch itself. I continued, pretending I was just discussing background information and would get to the sketch soon. It turned out beautifully. I knew the main points of the sketch and the key phrases, and weaving the rest into casual conversation made it lively and fresh, like an impromptu performance. I had several pieces to read, and I used the same approach for all of them, with the audience thinking I was getting sidetracked but would eventually start the sketch—and I always finished the sketch before they realized it had begun. I tried the same thing in Budapest and had just as much fun. It’s a great technique, probably the best ever created. Give it a shot. You’ll keep your audience engaged—not even for a moment will their attention drift. That’s not the case when someone reads from a book or manuscript or stands up without notes, using their confident delivery to show they’re reciting from memory. And when you’re sharing something you’ve only memorized in essence, you suddenly come up with the most perfect phrases out of nowhere! Try it. Those spontaneous phrases have a life and energy that no amount of preparation can match. They captivate the audience in such an exciting and uplifting way that one good phrase is sure to inspire another.

Your September instalment—[“Their Silver Wedding journey.”]—was delicious—every word of it. You haven't lost any of your splendid art. Callers have arrived.

Your September installment—[“Their Silver Wedding journey.”]—was fantastic—every word of it. You haven't lost any of your incredible talent. Visitors have come by.

                              With love
                                        MARK.
With love,  
MARK.
     “Yes,” wrote Howells, “if I were a great histrionic artist like you
     I would get my poor essays by heart, and recite them, but being what
     I am I should do the thing so lifelessly that I had better recognise
     their deadness frankly and read them.”

     From Vienna Clemens had contributed to the Cosmopolitan, then owned
     by John Brisben Walker, his first article on Christian Science.  It
     was a delicious bit of humor and found such enthusiastic
     appreciation that Walker was moved to send an additional $200 check
     in payment for it.  This brought prompt acknowledgment.
     “Yes,” Howells wrote, “if I were a great actor like you, I would memorize my poor essays and recite them, but being who I am, I would do it so lifelessly that I might as well admit their dullness and just read them.”

     From Vienna, Clemens submitted his first article on Christian Science to the Cosmopolitan, then owned by John Brisben Walker. It was a hilarious piece that received such enthusiastic acclaim that Walker was prompted to send an extra $200 check in payment for it. This led to a quick acknowledgment.










To John Brisben Walker, in Irvington, N. Y.:

To John Brisben Walker, in Irvington, NY:

                                             LONDON, Oct. 19, '99
LONDON, Oct. 19, 1999

DEAR MR. WALKER,—By gracious but you have a talent for making a man feel proud and good! To say a compliment well is a high art—and few possess it. You know how to do it, and when you confirm its sincerity with a handsome cheque the limit is reached and compliment can no higher go. I like to work for you: when you don't approve an article you say so, recognizing that I am not a child and can stand it; and when you approve an article I don't have to dicker with you as if I raised peanuts and you kept a stand; I know I shall get every penny the article is worth.

DEAR MR. WALKER, — Just wow, you really have a knack for making someone feel proud and valued! Giving a compliment well is a true skill—and not many people have it. You know how to deliver it, and when you back it up with a generous check, that’s the highest praise possible. I enjoy working for you: when you don’t like an article, you let me know, treating me like an adult who can take it; and when you do like an article, I don’t have to haggle with you like I’m selling peanuts at a stand; I know I’ll get every penny it’s worth.

You have given me very great pleasure, and I thank you for it.

You have brought me a lot of joy, and I appreciate it.

                         Sincerely Yours
                                   S. L. CLEMENS.
Sincerely,  
                               S. L. CLEMENS.
     On the same day he sent word to Howells of the good luck which now
     seemed to be coming his way.  The Joan of Arc introduction was the
     same that today appears in his collected works under the title of
     Saint Joan of Arc.
     On the same day, he informed Howells about the good luck that seemed to be coming his way. The Joan of Arc introduction is the same one that today appears in his collected works under the title of Saint Joan of Arc.










To W. D. Howells, in New York:

To W. D. Howells, in New York:

                                             LONDON, Oct.  19, '99.
LONDON, Oct. 19, 1999.

DEAR HOWELLS,—My, it's a lucky day!—of the sort when it never rains but it pours. I was to write an introduction to a nobler book—the English translation of the Official Record (unabridged) of the Trials and Rehabilitation of Joan of Arc, and make a lot of footnotes. I wrote the introduction in Sweden, and here a few days ago I tore loose from a tale I am writing, and took the MS book and went at the grind of note-making—a fearful job for a man not used to it. This morning brought a note from my excellent friend Murray, a rich Englishman who edits the translation, saying, “Never mind the notes—we'll make the translators do them.” That was comfort and joy.

DEAR HOWELLS,—Wow, what a lucky day! It’s one of those days when good things just keep coming. I was supposed to write an introduction for a great book—the English translation of the Official Record (unabridged) of the Trials and Rehabilitation of Joan of Arc—and add a bunch of footnotes. I wrote the introduction in Sweden, and a few days ago, I pulled myself away from a story I’m working on, grabbed the manuscript, and started the tough job of note-making—a daunting task for someone not used to it. This morning, I got a note from my good friend Murray, a wealthy Englishman who edits the translation, saying, “Forget about the notes—we'll have the translators handle that.” That was so relieving!

The same mail brought a note from Canon Wilberforce, asking me to talk Joan of Arc in his drawing-room to the Dukes and Earls and M. P.'s—(which would fetch me out of my seclusion and into print, and I couldn't have that,) and so of course I must run down to the Abbey and explain—and lose an hour. Just then came Murray and said “Leave that to me—I'll go and do the explaining and put the thing off 3 months; you write a note and tell him I am coming.”

The same mail brought a note from Canon Wilberforce, asking me to speak about Joan of Arc in his drawing room to the Dukes, Earls, and MPs—(which would pull me out of my solitude and into the spotlight, and I couldn't allow that,) so of course I had to rush to the Abbey to explain—and waste an hour. Just then, Murray showed up and said, "Leave it to me—I'll go and explain and postpone it for three months; you just write a note telling him I'm coming."

(Which I did, later.) Wilberforce carried off my hat from a lunch party last summer, and in to-day's note he said he wouldn't steal my new hat this time. In my note I said I couldn't make the drawing-room talk, now—Murray would explain; and added a P. S.: “You mustn't think it is because I am afraid to trust my hat in your reach again, for I assure you upon honor it isn't. I should bring my old one.”

(Which I did, later.) Wilberforce took my hat from a lunch party last summer, and in today's note he mentioned he wouldn't steal my new hat this time. In my reply, I said I couldn't join the conversation in the drawing-room now—Murray would explain; and I added a P.S.: “You mustn't think it's because I'm afraid to trust my hat in your hands again, because I promise you it's not. I would bring my old one.”

I had suggested to Murray a fortnight ago, that he get some big guns to write introductory monographs for the book.

I suggested to Murray two weeks ago that he get some big names to write introductory essays for the book.

Miss X, Joan's Voices and Prophecies.

Miss X, Joan's Voices and Prophecies.

The Lord Chief Justice of England, the legal prodigies which she performed before her judges.

The Lord Chief Justice of England, the legal feats that she accomplished before her judges.

Lord Roberts, her military genius.

Lord Roberts, her military strategist.

Kipling, her patriotism.

Kipling, her nationalism.

And so on. When he came this morning he said he had captured Miss X; that Lord Roberts and Kipling were going to take hold and see if they could do monographs worthy of the book. He hadn't run the others to cover yet, but was on their track. Very good news. It is a grand book, and is entitled to the best efforts of the best people. As for me, I took pains with my Introduction, and I admit that it is no slouch of a performance.

And so on. When he arrived this morning, he mentioned that he had captured Miss X; that Lord Roberts and Kipling were going to get involved and see if they could create some monographs worthy of the book. He hasn't tracked down the others yet, but is working on it. That's great news. It's an amazing book and deserves the best efforts from the best people. As for me, I put a lot of effort into my Introduction, and I admit that it’s quite a solid piece of work.

Then I came down to Chatto's, and found your all too beautiful letter, and was lifted higher than ever. Next came letters from America properly glorifying my Christian Science article in the Cosmopolitan (and one roundly abusing it,) and a letter from John Brisben Walker enclosing $200 additional pay for the article (he had already paid enough, but I didn't mention that—which wasn't right of me, for this is the second time he has done such a thing, whereas Gilder has done it only once and no one else ever.) I make no prices with Walker and Gilder—I can trust them.

Then I went down to Chatto's and found your incredibly beautiful letter, which lifted my spirits higher than ever. Next came letters from America praising my Christian Science article in the Cosmopolitan (along with one that criticized it), and a note from John Brisben Walker with an extra $200 payment for the article (he had already paid enough, but I didn’t mention that—which wasn’t fair of me, since this is the second time he’s done this, while Gilder has only done it once, and no one else ever has). I don’t negotiate prices with Walker and Gilder—I trust them.

And last of all came a letter from M-. How I do wish that man was in hell. Even-the briefest line from that idiot puts me in a rage.

And finally, a letter came from M-. I really wish that guy was in hell. Even the shortest note from that fool drives me insane.

But on the whole it has been a delightful day, and with M——in hell it would have been perfect. But that will happen, and I can wait.

But overall, it’s been a wonderful day, and with M——in hell it would have been perfect. But that will happen, and I can wait.

Ah, if I could look into the inside of people as you do, and put it on paper, and invent things for them to do and say, and tell how they said it, I could writs a fine and readable book now, for I've got a prime subject. I've written 30,000 words of it and satisfied myself that the stuff is there; so I am going to discard that MS and begin all over again and have a good time with it.

Ah, if I could see into people's hearts like you do, and write it all down, coming up with things for them to do and say, and describing how they said it, I could write a great and engaging book right now, because I have a fantastic topic. I've written 30,000 words of it and am convinced that the material is there; so I'm going to throw that manuscript away and start fresh and really enjoy the process.

Oh, I know how you feel! I've been in hell myself. You are there tonight. By difference in time you are at luncheon, now—and not eating it. Nothing is so lonesome as gadding around platforming. I have declined 45 lectures to-day-England and Scotland. I wanted the money, but not the torture: Good luck to you!—and repentance.

Oh, I get how you feel! I've been through a tough time myself. You're experiencing it right now. Because of the time difference, you're at lunch now—and not eating it. Nothing is lonelier than wandering around giving speeches. I've turned down 45 lectures today—England and Scotland. I needed the money, but not the stress: Good luck to you!—and regret.

                         With love to all of you
                                             MARK.
                         With love to all of you
                                             MARK.




XXXIX. LETTERS OF 1900, MAINLY TO TWICHELL. THE BOER WAR. BOXER TROUBLES. THE RETURN TO AMERICA.

The New Year found Clemens still in London, chiefly interested in osteopathy and characteristically glorifying the practice at the expense of other healing methods.

The New Year found Clemens still in London, mostly focused on osteopathy and typically praising the practice while downplaying other healing methods.










To Rev. J. H. Twichell, in Hartford:

To Rev. J. H. Twichell, in Hartford:

                                             LONDON, Jan.  8, 1900.
LONDON, Jan. 8, 1900.

DEAR JOE,—Mental Telepathy has scored another. Mental Telegraphy will be greatly respected a century hence.

DEAR JOE,—Mental Telepathy has achieved another success. Mental Telegraphy will be highly regarded a hundred years from now.

By the accident of writing my sister and describing to her the remarkable cures made by Kellgren with his hands and without drugs, I brought upon myself a quite stunning surprise; for she wrote to me that she had been taking this very treatment in Buffalo—and that it was an American invention.

By the chance of writing to my sister and telling her about the amazing treatments Kellgren performed using his hands without any meds, I encountered a surprising revelation; she replied that she had been undergoing this exact treatment in Buffalo—and that it was an American invention.

Well, it does really turn out that Dr. Still, in the middle of Kansas, in a village, began to experiment in 1874, only five years after Kellgren began the same work obscurely in the village of Gotha, in Germany. Dr. Still seems to be an honest man; therefore I am persuaded that Kellgren moved him to his experiments by Mental Telegraphy across six hours of longitude, without need of a wire. By the time Still began to experiment, Kellgren had completed his development of the principles of his system and established himself in a good practice in London—1874—and was in good shape to convey his discovery to Kansas, Mental Telegraphically.

Well, it turns out that Dr. Still, in the middle of Kansas, in a small town, started experimenting in 1874, just five years after Kellgren began the same work quietly in the village of Gotha, Germany. Dr. Still seems to be a genuine person; so I believe that Kellgren inspired him to start his experiments through Mental Telepathy over six hours of longitude, without needing a wire. By the time Still began his experiments, Kellgren had fully developed the principles of his system and established a successful practice in London—1874—and was in a good position to share his discovery with Kansas, via Mental Telepathy.

Yes, I was greatly surprised to find that my mare's nest was much in arrears: that this new science was well known in America under the name of Osteopathy. Since then, I find that in the past 3 years it has got itself legalized in 14 States in spite of the opposition of the physicians; that it has established 20 Osteopathic schools and colleges; that among its students are 75 allopathic physicians; that there is a school in Boston and another in Philadelphia, that there are about 100 students in the parent college (Dr. Still's at Kirksville, Missouri,) and that there are about 2,000 graduates practicing in America. Dear me, there are not 30 in Europe. Europe is so sunk in superstitions and prejudices that it is an almost impossible thing to get her to do anything but scoff at a new thing—unless it come from abroad; as witness the telegraph, dentistry, &c.

Yes, I was really surprised to find that my misconception was significantly outdated: that this new field was already known in America as Osteopathy. Since then, I've learned that in the past three years it has become legal in 14 states despite opposition from doctors; that it has established 20 Osteopathic schools and colleges; that among its students are 75 traditional physicians; that there's a school in Boston and another in Philadelphia, with around 100 students in the main college (Dr. Still's in Kirksville, Missouri); and that there are about 2,000 graduates practicing in America. Goodness, there aren’t even 30 in Europe. Europe is so stuck in superstitions and biases that it's nearly impossible to get it to embrace anything new—unless it comes from abroad, as seen with the telegraph, dentistry, etc.

Presently the Osteopath will come over here from America and will soon make himself a power that must be recognized and reckoned with; and then, 25 years from now, England will begin to claim the invention and tell all about its origin, in the Cyclopedia B——-as in the case of the telegraph, applied anaesthetics and the other benefactions which she heaped her abuse upon when her inventors first offered them to her.

Right now, the osteopath is coming over from America and will soon become a force that everyone has to acknowledge and deal with; and then, 25 years from now, England will start taking credit for the invention and recounting its origins, just like in the Cyclopedia B——- with the telegraph, anesthetics, and other advancements that she heavily criticized when the inventors first presented them.

I cannot help feeling rather inordinately proud of America for the gay and hearty way in which she takes hold of any new thing that comes along and gives it a first rate trial. Many an ass in America, is getting a deal of benefit out of X-Science's new exploitation of an age-old healing principle—faith, combined with the patient's imagination—let it boom along! I have no objection. Let them call it by what name they choose, so long as it does helpful work among the class which is numerically vastly the largest bulk of the human race, i.e. the fools, the idiots, the pudd'nheads.

I can't help but feel pretty proud of America for the enthusiastic way she embraces anything new that comes along and gives it a solid try. A lot of people in America are benefiting from X-Science's new take on an age-old healing principle—faith paired with the patient's imagination—let it thrive! I have no issue with it. They can call it whatever they want, as long as it does good for the group that makes up the vast majority of humanity, namely, the fools, the idiots, the dimwits.

We do not guess, we know that 9 in 10 of the species are pudd'nheads. We know it by various evidences; and one of them is, that for ages the race has respected (and almost venerated) the physician's grotesque system—the emptying of miscellaneous and harmful drugs into a person's stomach to remove ailments which in many cases the drugs could not reach at all; in many cases could reach and help, but only at cost of damage to some other part of the man; and in the remainder of the cases the drug either retarded the cure, or the disease was cured by nature in spite of the nostrums. The doctor's insane system has not only been permitted to continue its follies for ages, but has been protected by the State and made a close monopoly—an infamous thing, a crime against a free-man's proper right to choose his own assassin or his own method of defending his body against disease and death.

We don't guess; we know that 9 out of 10 people are clueless. We know this from various evidence, one of which is that for ages, society has respected (and almost worshipped) the doctor's bizarre practice—dumping a mix of random and harmful drugs into a person's stomach to treat issues that in many cases the drugs can't even touch; in many cases can help but only at the expense of causing harm to some other part of the body; and in the remaining cases, the drug either delayed recovery, or nature cured the disease despite the remedies. The doctor's irrational methods have not only been allowed to continue their nonsense for ages, but have also been protected by the government and turned into a tight monopoly—an outrageous situation, a crime against a person's right to choose their own killer or their own way of protecting their body from illness and death.

And yet at the same time, with curious and senile inconsistency, the State has allowed the man to choose his own assassin—in one detail—the patent-medicine detail—making itself the protector of that perilous business, collecting money out of it, and appointing no committee of experts to examine the medicines and forbid them when extra dangerous. Really, when a man can prove that he is not a jackass, I think he is in the way to prove that he is no legitimate member of the race.

And yet, at the same time, with a strange and old-fashioned inconsistency, the State has let the man choose his own killer—in one aspect—the patent-medicine aspect—acting as the guardian of that risky business, profiting from it, and not appointing any experts to review the medicines and ban them when they’re particularly dangerous. Honestly, when a person can show that he’s not a fool, I think he’s proving that he doesn’t truly belong to the human race.

I have by me a list of 52 human ailments—common ones—and in this list I count 19 which the physician's art cannot cure. But there isn't one which Osteopathy or Kellgren cannot cure, if the patient comes early.

I have a list of 52 common human ailments, and from this list, I see that 19 cannot be cured by traditional medicine. However, there isn't a single one that Osteopathy or Kellgren can't treat if the patient seeks help early.

Fifteen years ago I had a deep reverence for the physician and the surgeon. But 6 months of closely watching the Kellgren business has revolutionized all that, and now I have neither reverence nor respect for the physician's trade, and scarcely any for the surgeon's,—I am convinced that of all quackeries, the physician's is the grotesquest and the silliest. And they know they are shams and humbugs. They have taken the place of those augurs who couldn't look each other in the face without laughing.

Fifteen years ago, I had a deep respect for doctors and surgeons. But after six months of closely observing the Kellgren situation, I've completely changed my mind. Now, I have neither respect nor admiration for the medical profession and barely any for surgeons either. I'm convinced that of all the scams, the medical field is the most ridiculous and absurd. And they know they’re fakes and phonies. They've become like those fortune tellers who can't look at each other without bursting out laughing.

See what a powerful hold our ancient superstitions have upon us: two weeks ago, when Livy committed an incredible imprudence and by consequence was promptly stricken down with a heavy triple attack—influenza, bronchitis, and a lung affected—she recognized the gravity of the situation, and her old superstitions rose: she thought she ought to send for a doctor—Think of it—the last man in the world I should want around at such a time. Of course I did not say no—not that I was indisposed to take the responsibility, for I was not, my notion of a dangerous responsibility being quite the other way—but because it is unsafe to distress a sick person; I only said we knew no good doctor, and it could not be good policy to choose at hazard; so she allowed me to send for Kellgren. To-day she is up and around—cured. It is safe to say that persons hit in the same way at the same time are in bed yet, and booked to stay there a good while, and to be in a shackly condition and afraid of their shadows for a couple of years or more to come.

See how strong our old superstitions are: two weeks ago, when Livy made an incredibly foolish decision and ended up suffering from a severe triple attack—influenza, bronchitis, and a lung issue—she realized how serious it was, and her old beliefs kicked in. She thought she should call a doctor—Can you believe it—the last person I would want around during such a crisis. Of course, I didn’t refuse—not because I was unwilling to take responsibility, I actually wasn’t, my idea of dangerous responsibility is quite different—but because it’s unwise to upset someone who’s sick; so I just said we didn’t know any good doctors, and it wouldn’t be smart to choose one randomly. That’s why she let me call for Kellgren. Today she’s back on her feet—cured. It’s safe to say that others who got hit the same way at the same time are still in bed, likely to stay there for a good while, and are going to be in a shaky condition, scared of their own shadows for a couple of years or more.

It will be seen by the foregoing that Mark Twain's interest in the Kellgren system was still an ardent one. Indeed, for a time he gave most of his thought to it, and wrote several long appreciations, perhaps with little idea of publication, but merely to get his enthusiasm physically expressed. War, however, presently supplanted medicine—the Boer troubles in South Africa and the Boxer insurrection in China. It was a disturbing, exciting year.

It can be seen from the previous discussion that Mark Twain was still very passionate about the Kellgren system. In fact, for a while, he focused most of his thoughts on it and wrote several long pieces appreciating it, likely without any intention to publish them, but just to express his enthusiasm. However, war soon took precedence over medicine—the Boer conflict in South Africa and the Boxer Rebellion in China. It was a troubling and thrilling year.










To W. D. Howells, in Boston:

To W. D. Howells, in Boston:

                                        WELLINGTON COURT, KNIGHTSBRIDGE,
                                                  Jan. 25, 1900.
                                        WELLINGTON COURT, KNIGHTSBRIDGE,
                                                  Jan. 25, 1900.

DEAR HOWELLS,—If you got half as much as Pond prophesied, be content and praise God—it has not happened to another. But I am sorry he didn't go with you; for it is marvelous to hear him yarn. He is good company, cheery and hearty, and his mill is never idle. Your doing a lecture tour was heroic. It was the highest order of grit, and you have a right to be proud of yourself. No mount of applause or money or both could save it from being a hell to a man constituted as you are. It is that even to me, who am made of coarser stuff.

DEAR HOWELLS,—If you got even half of what Pond predicted, be grateful and thank God—it hasn’t happened to anyone else. But I wish he had gone with you; it’s amazing to listen to him tell stories. He’s great company, upbeat and full of energy, and he’s always busy. Your lecture tour was impressive. It required an extraordinary amount of courage, and you have every reason to be proud of yourself. No amount of applause or money could make it less torturous for someone like you. It feels that way to me, and I’m made of tougher stuff.

I knew the audiences would come forward and shake hands with you—that one infallible sign of sincere approval. In all my life, wherever it failed me I left the hall sick and ashamed, knowing what it meant.

I knew the audience would come up and shake hands with you—that one undeniable sign of genuine approval. Throughout my life, whenever that didn't happen, I left the venue feeling sick and ashamed, fully aware of what it meant.

Privately speaking, this is a sordid and criminal war, and in every way shameful and excuseless. Every day I write (in my head) bitter magazine articles about it, but I have to stop with that. For England must not fall; it would mean an inundation of Russian and German political degradations which would envelop the globe and steep it in a sort of Middle-Age night and slavery which would last till Christ comes again. Even wrong—and she is wrong—England must be upheld. He is an enemy of the human race who shall speak against her now. Why was the human race created? Or at least why wasn't something creditable created in place of it. God had his opportunity. He could have made a reputation. But no, He must commit this grotesque folly—a lark which must have cost him a regret or two when He came to think it over and observe effects. For a giddy and unbecoming caprice there has been nothing like it till this war. I talk the war with both sides—always waiting until the other man introduces the topic. Then I say “My head is with the Briton, but my heart and such rags of morals as I have are with the Boer—now we will talk, unembarrassed and without prejudice.” And so we discuss, and have no trouble.

Privately, this is a messy and criminal war, and it's completely shameful and without excuse. Every day I come up with bitter magazine articles about it in my head, but I have to stop that. England must not fall; it would lead to a flood of Russian and German political degradation that would engulf the world and plunge it into a kind of dark age and slavery lasting until Christ returns. Even if she's wrong—and she is wrong—England must be supported. Anyone who speaks against her now is an enemy of humanity. Why was humanity created? Or at least, why wasn’t something worthy created instead? God had his chance. He could have made a name for Himself. But no, He had to commit this ridiculous folly—a whim that must have cost Him a regret or two when He reflected on it and saw the consequences. There hasn’t been anything as frivolous and inappropriate as this since the war began. I discuss the war with people on both sides—always waiting for the other person to bring it up first. Then I say, “My head is with the Briton, but my heart and whatever morals I have left are with the Boer—now let's talk, openly and without bias.” And so we discuss, and have no issues.

                                                       Jan.  26.
Jan. 26.

It was my intention to make some disparaging remarks about the human race; and so I kept this letter open for that purpose, and for the purpose of telling my dream, wherein the Trinity were trying to guess a conundrum, but I can do better—for I can snip out of the “Times” various samples and side-lights which bring the race down to date, and expose it as of yesterday. If you will notice, there is seldom a telegram in a paper which fails to show up one or more members and beneficiaries of our Civilization as promenading in his shirt-tail, with the rest of his regalia in the wash.

It was my goal to make some negative comments about humanity; so I kept this letter open for that purpose and to share my dream, where the Trinity was trying to solve a riddle. But I can do better— I can pull quotes from the “Times” that highlight various aspects of society and show how outdated we are. If you pay attention, you’ll notice that there’s hardly a telegram in any paper that doesn’t reveal one or more representatives or beneficiaries of our Civilization as walking around in their underwear, with the rest of their clothes in the laundry.

I love to see the holy ones air their smug pieties and admire them and smirk over them, and at the same moment frankly and publicly show their contempt for the pieties of the Boer—confidently expecting the approval of the country and the pulpit, and getting it.

I love watching the self-righteous show off their smug beliefs and admire them while sneering at the beliefs of the Boer—certain they’ll get the approval of the country and the church, and they do.

I notice that God is on both sides in this war; thus history repeats itself. But I am the only person who has noticed this; everybody here thinks He is playing the game for this side, and for this side only.

I see that God is on both sides in this war; so history repeats itself. But I'm the only one who has noticed this; everyone here believes He is on this side, and this side only.

               With great love to you all
                                             MARK.
               With lots of love to all of you
                                             MARK.
     One cannot help wondering what Mark Twain would have thought of
     human nature had he lived to see the great World War, fought mainly
     by the Christian nations who for nearly two thousand years had been
     preaching peace on earth and goodwill toward men.  But his opinion
     of the race could hardly have been worse than it was.  And nothing
     that human beings could do would have surprised him.
     One can't help but wonder what Mark Twain would have thought of human nature if he had lived to witness the great World War, fought mainly by the Christian nations that had been preaching peace on earth and goodwill toward men for nearly two thousand years. But his view of humanity could hardly have been worse than it already was. And nothing human beings did would have shocked him.










To Rev. J. H. Twichell, in Hartford:

To Rev. J. H. Twichell, in Hartford:

                                             LONDON, Jan. 27, 1900.
LONDON, Jan. 27, 1900.

DEAR JOE,—Apparently we are not proposing to set the Filipinos free and give their islands to them; and apparently we are not proposing to hang the priests and confiscate their property. If these things are so, the war out there has no interest for me.

DEAR JOE,—It seems we're not planning to free the Filipinos and return their islands to them; and it looks like we're not planning to execute the priests and take their property. If that's the case, I have no interest in the war happening over there.

I have just been examining chapter LXX of “Following the Equator,” to see if the Boer's old military effectiveness is holding out. It reads curiously as if it had been written about the present war.

I just checked out chapter 70 of “Following the Equator” to see if the Boer’s old military effectiveness is still relevant. It reads strangely like it was written about the current war.

I believe that in the next chapter my notion of the Boer was rightly conceived. He is popularly called uncivilized, I do not know why. Happiness, food, shelter, clothing, wholesale labor, modest and rational ambitions, honesty, kindliness, hospitality, love of freedom and limitless courage to fight for it, composure and fortitude in time of disaster, patience in time of hardship and privation, absence of noise and brag in time of victory, contentment with a humble and peaceful life void of insane excitements—if there is a higher and better form of civilization than this, I am not aware of it and do not know where to look for it. I suppose we have the habit of imagining that a lot of artistic, intellectual and other artificialities must be added, or it isn't complete. We and the English have these latter; but as we lack the great bulk of these others, I think the Boer civilization is the best of the two. My idea of our civilization is that it is a shabby poor thing and full of cruelties, vanities, arrogancies, meannesses, and hypocrisies. As for the word, I hate the sound of it, for it conveys a lie; and as for the thing itself, I wish it was in hell, where it belongs.

I think that in the next chapter, my view of the Boer will be accurately understood. He is often labeled as uncivilized, but I don't get why. He values happiness, sustenance, shelter, clothing, meaningful work, realistic goals, honesty, kindness, hospitality, a love for freedom, and an unyielding bravery to fight for it. He shows calm and strength in tough times, endures hardship patiently, and remains humble and peaceful without the need for crazy excitement. If there’s a better form of civilization than this, I don’t know what it is or where to find it. I guess we tend to think that a bunch of artistic, intellectual, and other superficial things need to be added to make it complete. We and the English have those, but since we lack the majority of these other qualities, I believe Boer civilization is superior. My perspective on our civilization is that it’s a shabby and cruel thing filled with vanities, arrogance, selfishness, and hypocrisy. As for the term itself, I loathe its sound because it represents a lie, and as for the state of it, I wish it were in hell, where it belongs.

Provided we could get something better in the place of it. But that is not possible, perhaps. Poor as it is, it is better than real savagery, therefore we must stand by it, extend it, and (in public) praise it. And so we must not utter any hateful word about England in these days, nor fail to hope that she will win in this war, for her defeat and fall would be an irremediable disaster for the mangy human race.... Naturally, then, I am for England; but she is profoundly in the wrong, Joe, and no (instructed) Englishman doubts it. At least that is my belief.

Provided we can find something better to replace it. But that might not be possible. As poor as it is, it's still better than true savagery, so we have to support it, improve it, and publicly praise it. Therefore, we shouldn't say anything negative about England these days, nor should we stop hoping that she will win this war, because her defeat would be an irreversible disaster for humanity. Naturally, I support England; but she is deeply mistaken, Joe, and no educated Englishman thinks otherwise. At least, that's what I believe.

Maybe I managed to make myself misunderstood, as to the Osteopathists. I wanted to know how the men impress you. As to their Art, I know fairly well about that, and should not value Hartford's opinion of it; nor a physician's; nor that of another who proposed to enlighten me out of his ignorance. Opinions based upon theory, superstition and ignorance are not very precious.

Maybe I didn't express myself clearly when it comes to the Osteopathists. I wanted to understand how the men make an impression on you. As for their practice, I know quite a bit about that and wouldn't trust Hartford's opinion on it; nor a doctor's; nor that of someone else who wants to educate me from a place of ignorance. Opinions based on theory, superstition, and ignorance aren't particularly valuable.

Livy and the others are off for the country for a day or two.

Livy and the others are heading out to the country for a day or two.

               Love to you all
                                   MARK.
Love to you all  
                                   MARK.
     The next letter affords a pleasant variation.  Without doubt it was
     written on realizing that good nature and enthusiasm had led him
     into indiscretion.  This was always happening to him, and letters
     like this are not infrequent, though generally less entertaining.
     The next letter offers a nice change of pace. It was definitely written after he recognized that his good nature and enthusiasm had caused him to act indiscreetly. This was something that often happened to him, and letters like this aren't rare, although they’re usually less entertaining.










To Mr. Ann, in London:

To Mr. Ann, in London:

                                        WELLINGTON COURT, Feb. 23, '00.
WELLINGTON COURT, Feb. 23, 2000.

DEAR MR. ANN,—Upon sober second thought, it won't do!—I withdraw that letter. Not because I said anything in it which is not true, for I didn't; but because when I allow my name to be used in forwarding a stock-scheme I am assuming a certain degree of responsibility as toward the investor, and I am not willing to do that. I have another objection, a purely selfish one: trading upon my name, whether the enterprise scored a success or a failure would damage me. I can't afford that; even the Archbishop of Canterbury couldn't afford it, and he has more character to spare than I have. (Ah, a happy thought! If he would sign the letter with me that would change the whole complexion of the thing, of course. I do not know him, yet I would sign any commercial scheme that he would sign. As he does not know me, it follows that he would sign anything that I would sign. This is unassailable logic—but really that is all that can be said for it.)

DEAR MR. ANN,—After some careful reconsideration, I've decided this isn't going to work!—I’m retracting that letter. Not because I said anything untrue, because I didn’t; but because by allowing my name to be used to promote a stock scheme, I’m taking on a certain level of responsibility toward the investor, and I’m not willing to do that. I have another objection, which is purely selfish: using my name, whether the venture succeeds or fails, would hurt my reputation. I can’t afford that; even the Archbishop of Canterbury can't afford it, and he's got more character to spare than I do. (Oh, what a thought! If he would sign the letter with me, it would completely change the situation, of course. I don’t know him, but I would endorse any business scheme that he would endorse. Since he doesn’t know me, he would logically endorse anything I would endorse. This is solid reasoning—but really, that’s all there is to it.)

No, I withdraw the letter. This virgin is pure up to date, and is going to remain so.

No, I take back the letter. This virgin is still pure, and she’s going to stay that way.

                         Ys sincerely,
                                        S. L. C.
Best regards,  
                                        S. L. C.










To Rev. J. H. Twichell, in Hartford:

To Rev. J. H. Twichell, in Hartford:

                                                  WELLINGTON COURT,
                                             KNIGHTSBRIDGE, Mch. 4, '00.
                                                  WELLINGTON COURT,
                                             KNIGHTSBRIDGE, March 4, 2000.

DEAR JOE,—Henry Robinson's death is a sharp wound to me, and it goes very deep. I had a strong affection for him, and I think he had for me. Every Friday, three-fourths of the year for 16 years he was of the billiard-party in our house. When we come home, how shall we have billiard-nights again—with no Ned Bunce and no Henry Robinson? I believe I could not endure that. We must find another use for that room. Susy is gone, George is gone, Libby Hamersley, Ned Bunce, Henry Robinson. The friends are passing, one by one; our house, where such warm blood and such dear blood flowed so freely, is become a cemetery. But not in any repellent sense. Our dead are welcome there; their life made it beautiful, their death has hallowed it, we shall have them with us always, and there will be no parting.

DEAR JOE,—Henry Robinson's death hits me hard, and it really hurts. I had a deep affection for him, and I believe he felt the same way about me. For three-fourths of the year, every Friday for 16 years, he was part of our billiard nights at our house. When we come home, how will we have billiard nights again—without Ned Bunce and without Henry Robinson? I honestly don't think I can handle that. We need to find another use for that room. Susy is gone, George is gone, Libby Hamersley, Ned Bunce, Henry Robinson. Our friends are disappearing, one by one; our house, which was filled with such warmth and love, has become a cemetery. But not in a negative way. Our deceased friends are welcome there; their lives made it beautiful, their deaths have made it sacred, and we will have them with us always, with no goodbyes.

It was a moving address you made over Ward Cheney—that fortunate, youth! Like Susy, he got out of life all that was worth the living, and got his great reward before he had crossed the tropic frontier of dreams and entered the Sahara of fact. The deep consciousness of Susy's good fortune is a constant comfort to me.

It was a heartfelt speech you gave about Ward Cheney—that lucky guy! Like Susy, he extracted everything valuable from life and received his big reward before he had to face the harsh reality of adulthood. The strong awareness of Susy's good fortune always brings me comfort.

London is happy-hearted at last. The British victories have swept the clouds away and there are no uncheerful faces. For three months the private dinner parties (we go to no public ones) have been Lodges of Sorrow, and just a little depressing sometimes; but now they are smiley and animated again. Joe, do you know the Irish gentleman and the Irish lady, the Scotch gentleman and the Scotch lady? These are darlings, every one. Night before last it was all Irish—24. One would have to travel far to match their ease and sociability and animation and sparkle and absence of shyness and self-consciousness.

London is finally in good spirits. The British victories have cleared the gloom, and there are no long faces around. For the past three months, our private dinner parties (we don’t attend public ones) have felt like Lodges of Sorrow and were a bit depressing at times; but now they are lively and cheerful again. Joe, do you know the Irish gentleman and lady, and the Scottish gentleman and lady? They are all wonderful people. The night before last was entirely Irish—24 of them. You’d have to go a long way to find anyone as relaxed, friendly, lively, and sparkling without a trace of shyness or self-consciousness.

It was American in these fine qualities. This was at Mr. Lecky's. He is Irish, you know. Last night it was Irish again, at Lady Gregory's. Lord Roberts is Irish; and Sir William Butler; and Kitchener, I think; and a disproportion of the other prominent Generals are of Irish and Scotch breed-keeping up the traditions of Wellington, and Sir Colin Campbell of the Mutiny. You will have noticed that in S. A. as in the Mutiny, it is usually the Irish and the Scotch that are placed in the fore-front of the battle. An Irish friend of mine says this is because the Kelts are idealists, and enthusiasts, with age-old heroisms to emulate and keep bright before the world; but that the low-class Englishman is dull and without ideals, fighting bull-doggishly while he has a leader, but losing his head and going to pieces when his leader falls—not so with the Kelt. Sir Wm. Butler said “the Kelt is the spear-head of the British lance.”

It had those great American qualities. This was at Mr. Lecky’s place. He’s Irish, as you know. Last night it was Irish again at Lady Gregory’s. Lord Roberts is Irish, and so is Sir William Butler; Kitchener, I think; and many other notable generals are of Irish and Scottish descent—upholding the legacies of Wellington and Sir Colin Campbell from the Mutiny. You might have noticed that in South Africa, just like in the Mutiny, it’s often the Irish and Scots who are at the forefront of battle. An Irish friend of mine says this is because the Celts are idealists and enthusiasts, with age-old heroics to emulate and showcase to the world; whereas the lower-class Englishman is dull and lacks ideals, fighting tenaciously while he has a leader but falling apart when his leader is gone—not so with the Celt. Sir William Butler said, “the Celt is the spearhead of the British lance.”

                         Love to you all.
                                             MARK.
Love to you all.  
                                             MARK.
     The Henry Robinson mentioned in the foregoing letter was Henry C.
     Robinson, one-time Governor of Connecticut, long a dear and intimate
     friend of the Clemens household.  “Lecky” was W. E. H. Lecky, the
     Irish historian whose History of European Morals had been, for many
     years, one of Mark Twain's favorite books:

     In July the Clemenses left the small apartment at 30 Wellington
     Court and established a summer household a little way out of London,
     at Dollis Hill.  To-day the place has been given to the public under
     the name of Gladstone Park, so called for the reason that in an
     earlier time Gladstone had frequently visited there.  It was a
     beautiful spot, a place of green grass and spreading oaks.  In a
     letter in which Mrs. Clemens wrote to her sister she said: “It is
     simply divinely beautiful and peaceful; the great, old trees are
     beyond everything.  I believe nowhere in the world do you find such
     trees as in England.”  Clemens wrote to Twichell:  “From the house
     you can see little but spacious stretches of hay-fields and green
     turf.....  Yet the massed, brick blocks of London are reachable in
     three minutes on a horse.  By rail we can be in the heart of London,
     in Baker Street, in seventeen minutes—by a smart train in five.”

     Mail, however, would seem to have been less prompt.
The Henry Robinson mentioned in the letter above was Henry C. Robinson, a former Governor of Connecticut and a longtime close friend of the Clemens family. “Lecky” refers to W. E. H. Lecky, the Irish historian whose History of European Morals had been one of Mark Twain's favorite books for many years.

In July, the Clemenses moved out of their small apartment at 30 Wellington Court and set up a summer home a bit outside London, at Dollis Hill. Today, the area is open to the public under the name of Gladstone Park, named because Gladstone had often visited there in the past. It was a lovely spot, with lush green grass and spreading oak trees. In a letter to her sister, Mrs. Clemens wrote: “It is simply divinely beautiful and peaceful; the great, old trees are unmatched. I believe nowhere else in the world do you find such trees as in England.” Clemens wrote to Twichell: “From the house, you can see nothing but spacious stretches of hay-fields and green turf..... Yet the massed, brick blocks of London are just a three-minute horse ride away. By train, we can reach the center of London, at Baker Street, in seventeen minutes—by a fast train, in five.”

However, mail seemed to be less efficient.










To the Editor of the Times, in London:

To the Editor of the Times, in London:

SIR,—It has often been claimed that the London postal service was swifter than that of New York, and I have always believed that the claim was justified. But a doubt has lately sprung up in my mind. I live eight miles from Printing House Square; the Times leaves that point at 4 o'clock in the morning, by mail, and reaches me at 5 in the afternoon, thus making the trip in thirteen hours.

SIR,—People have often said that the London postal service was faster than New York's, and I've always thought that was true. However, I've recently started to have some doubts. I live eight miles from Printing House Square; the Times leaves there at 4 o'clock in the morning by mail and gets to me at 5 in the afternoon, taking thirteen hours for the whole trip.

It is my conviction that in New York we should do it in eleven.

It’s my belief that we should do it in eleven in New York.

                              C.
C.

DOLLIS HILL, N. W.

Dollis Hill, N.W.






To Rev. J. H. Twichell, in Hartford:

To Rev. J. H. Twichell, in Hartford:

                                   DOLLIS HILL HOUSE, KILBURN, N. W.
                                             LONDON, Aug.  12, '00.
                                   DOLLIS HILL HOUSE, KILBURN, N. W.
                                             LONDON, Aug.  12, '00.

DEAR JOE,—The Sages Prof. Fiske and Brander Matthews were out here to tea a week ago and it was a breath of American air to see them. We furnished them a bright day and comfortable weather—and they used it all up, in their extravagant American way. Since then we have sat by coal fires, evenings.

DEAR JOE,—The wise Prof. Fiske and Brander Matthews visited us for tea last week, and it felt refreshing to see them. We provided them with a beautiful day and pleasant weather—and they completely made the most of it in their typically American style. Since then, we've been sitting by the coal fire in the evenings.

We shall sail for home sometime in October, but shall winter in New York where we can have an osteopath of good repute to continue the work of putting this family in proper condition.

We’ll head home sometime in October, but we’ll spend the winter in New York where we can find a reputable osteopath to keep working on getting this family in good shape.

Livy and I dined with the Chief Justice a month ago and he was as well-conditioned as an athlete.

Livy and I had dinner with the Chief Justice a month ago, and he was in great shape like an athlete.

It is all China, now, and my sympathies are with the Chinese. They have been villainously dealt with by the sceptred thieves of Europe, and I hope they will drive all the foreigners out and keep them out for good. I only wish it; of course I don't really expect it.

It’s all about China now, and I feel for the Chinese people. They've been harshly treated by the crowned thieves of Europe, and I hope they manage to kick all the foreigners out and keep them away for good. I genuinely wish that, but I don't really expect it to happen.

Why, hang it, it occurs to me that by the time we reach New York you Twichells will be invading Europe and once more we shall miss the connection. This is thoroughly exasperating. Aren't we ever going to meet again?

Why, hang it, it just hit me that by the time we get to New York you Twichells will be heading to Europe and once again we'll miss the connection. This is really frustrating. Are we ever going to meet again?

                    With no end of love from all of us,
                                        MARK.
                    With endless love from all of us,  
                                        MARK.

P. S. Aug. 18.

P.S. August 18.

DEAR JOE,—It is 7.30 a. m. I have been waking very early, lately. If it occurs once more, it will be habit; then I will submit and adopt it.

DEAR JOE,—It's 7:30 a.m. I've been waking up really early lately. If it happens again, it'll become a habit; then I'll just accept it and go with it.

This is our day of mourning. It is four years since Susy died; it is five years and a month that I saw her alive for the last time-throwing kisses at us from the railway platform when we started West around the world.

This is our day of mourning. It’s been four years since Susy died; it’s been five years and a month since I last saw her alive—blowing kisses at us from the train platform as we headed West around the world.

Sometimes it is a century; sometimes it was yesterday.

Sometimes it's a century; sometimes it was yesterday.

                    With love
                                   MARK.
With love,  
                                   MARK.
     We discover in the foregoing letter that the long European residence
     was drawing to an end.  More than nine years had passed since the
     closing of the Hartford house—eventful years that had seen failure,
     bereavement, battle with debt, and rehabilitated fortunes.  All the
     family were anxious to get home—Mark Twain most anxious of all.

     They closed Dollis Hill House near the end of September, and put up
     for a brief period at a family hotel, an amusing picture of which
     follows.
     We find in the previous letter that the long stay in Europe was coming to an end. More than nine years had gone by since they closed the Hartford house—years filled with failures, loss, struggles with debt, and returned prosperity. The whole family was eager to go home—Mark Twain most of all.

     They shut down Dollis Hill House towards the end of September and stayed for a short while at a family hotel, an entertaining picture of which follows.










To J. Y. M. MacAlister, in London:

To J. Y. M. MacAlister in London:

                                                            Sep.  1900.
Sep. 1900.

MY DEAR MACALISTER,—We do really start next Saturday. I meant to sail earlier, but waited to finish some studies of what are called Family Hotels. They are a London specialty, God has not permitted them to exist elsewhere; they are ramshackle clubs which were dwellings at the time of the Heptarchy. Dover and Albemarle Streets are filled with them. The once spacious rooms are split up into coops which afford as much discomfort as can be had anywhere out of jail for any money. All the modern inconveniences are furnished, and some that have been obsolete for a century. The prices are astonishingly high for what you get. The bedrooms are hospitals for incurable furniture. I find it so in this one. They exist upon a tradition; they represent the vanishing home-like inn of fifty years ago, and are mistaken by foreigners for it. Some quite respectable Englishmen still frequent them through inherited habit and arrested development; many Americans also, through ignorance and superstition. The rooms are as interesting as the Tower of London, but older I think. Older and dearer. The lift was a gift of William the Conqueror, some of the beds are prehistoric. They represent geological periods. Mine is the oldest. It is formed in strata of Old Red Sandstone, volcanic tufa, ignis fatuus, and bicarbonate of hornblende, superimposed upon argillaceous shale, and contains the prints of prehistoric man. It is in No. 149. Thousands of scientists come to see it. They consider it holy. They want to blast out the prints but cannot. Dynamite rebounds from it.

MY DEAR MACALISTER,—We really set off next Saturday. I intended to leave earlier, but I held off to finish some research on what's known as Family Hotels. They're a London specialty; God hasn't allowed them to exist anywhere else. They're rundown clubs that used to be homes from the time of the Heptarchy. Dover and Albemarle Streets are filled with them. The once spacious rooms are now divided into tiny spaces that offer as much discomfort as you can find anywhere outside of jail for any price. All the modern annoyances are included, and some that have been outdated for a century. The prices are shockingly high for what you get. The bedrooms are like hospitals for old furniture. I find this true in this one. They rely on tradition; they represent the disappearing homey inns of fifty years ago and are mistaken by foreigners for them. Some fairly respectable Englishmen still visit them out of habit and slow personal growth; many Americans do the same, driven by ignorance and superstition. The rooms are as fascinating as the Tower of London, but I think they're older. Older and pricier. The elevator was a gift from William the Conqueror, and some of the beds are prehistoric. They represent different geological periods. Mine is the oldest. It's made up of layers of Old Red Sandstone, volcanic tufa, ignis fatuus, and bicarbonate of hornblende, all on top of argillaceous shale, and it contains the prints of prehistoric man. It's in No. 149. Thousands of scientists come to see it. They consider it sacred. They want to blast out the prints, but they can't. Dynamite just bounces off it.

Finished studies and sail Saturday in Minnehaha.

Finished studies and set sail Saturday in Minnehaha.

                    Yours ever affectionately,
                                             MARK TWAIN.
Yours always,  
                                             MARK TWAIN.
     They sailed for New York October 6th, and something more than a week
     later America gave them a royal welcome.  The press, far and wide,
     sounded Mark Twain's praises once more; dinners and receptions were
     offered on every hand; editors and lecture agents clamored for him.

     The family settled in the Earlington Hotel during a period of
     house-hunting.  They hoped eventually to return to Hartford, but
     after a brief visit paid by Clemens alone to the old place he wrote:
     They set sail for New York on October 6th, and a little over a week later, America welcomed them with open arms. The media, across the country, sang Mark Twain's praises once again; there were dinners and receptions everywhere; editors and lecture agents were eager to work with him.

     The family stayed at the Earlington Hotel while they looked for a house. They hoped to eventually go back to Hartford, but after a short visit that Clemens made alone to their old home, he wrote:










To Sylvester Baxter, in Boston:

To Sylvester Baxter, in Boston:

                                             NEW YORK, Oct. 26, 1900.
NEW YORK, Oct. 26, 1900.

DEAR MR. BAXTER,—It was a great pleasure to me to renew the other days with you, and there was a pathetic pleasure in seeing Hartford and the house again; but I realize that if we ever enter the house again to live, our hearts will break. I am not sure that we shall ever be strong enough to endure that strain.

DEAR MR. BAXTER,—It was a real pleasure to reconnect with you the other day, and it was bittersweet to see Hartford and the house again; however, I know that if we ever move back into the house to live, it will break our hearts. I'm not sure we'll ever be strong enough to handle that kind of pain.

                         Sincerely yours,
                                   S. L. CLEMENS.
Best regards,  
                                   S. L. CLEMENS.
     Mr. and Mrs. Rogers wished to have them in their neighborhood, but
     the houses there were not suitable, or were too expensive.  Through
     Mr. Frank Doubleday they eventually found, at 14 West Tenth Street,
     a large residence handsomely furnished, and this they engaged for
     the winter.  “We were lucky to get this big house furnished,” he
     wrote MacAlister in London.  “There was not another one in town
     procurable that would answer us, but this one is all right—space
     enough in it for several families, the rooms all old-fashioned,
     great size.”

     The little note that follows shows that Mark Twain had not entirely
     forgotten the days of Tom Sawyer and Huck Finn.
     Mr. and Mrs. Rogers wanted to have them in their neighborhood, but the houses there weren’t right or were too pricey. Through Mr. Frank Doubleday, they eventually found a large, beautifully furnished home at 14 West Tenth Street, which they rented for the winter. “We were lucky to get this big furnished house,” he wrote to MacAlister in London. “There was no other place in town that would work for us, but this one is perfect—plenty of space for several families, with all the rooms being old-fashioned and really spacious.”

     The little note that follows shows that Mark Twain had not completely forgotten the days of Tom Sawyer and Huck Finn.










To a Neighbor on West Tenth Street, New York:

To a Neighbor on West Tenth Street, New York:

                                                       Nov. 30.
Nov 30.

DEAR MADAM,—I know I ought to respect my duty and perform it, but I am weak and faithless where boys are concerned, and I can't help secretly approving pretty bad and noisy ones, though I do object to the kind that ring door-bells. My family try to get me to stop the boys from holding conventions on the front steps, but I basely shirk out of it, because I think the boys enjoy it.

DEAR MADAM, — I know I should respect my responsibilities and do what’s expected of me, but I’m weak and untrustworthy when it comes to boys, and I can’t help but secretly like the pretty wild and loud ones, even though I dislike those who ring doorbells. My family tries to get me to stop the boys from gathering on the front steps, but I cowardly avoid it because I believe the boys have fun doing it.

My wife has been complaining to me this evening about the boys on the front steps and under compulsion I have made some promises. But I am very forgetful, now that I am old, and my sense of duty is getting spongy.

My wife has been complaining to me this evening about the boys on the front steps, and out of obligation, I've made some promises. But I'm really forgetful now that I'm old, and my sense of duty is getting weak.

                    Very truly yours,
                                   S. L. CLEMENS.
Best regards,  
                                   S. L. CLEMENS.



















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