This is a modern-English version of Phantastes: A Faerie Romance for Men and Women, originally written by MacDonald, George. It has been thoroughly updated, including changes to sentence structure, words, spelling, and grammar—to ensure clarity for contemporary readers, while preserving the original spirit and nuance. If you click on a paragraph, you will see the original text that we modified, and you can toggle between the two versions.

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[Illustration]

Phantastes

A Faerie Romance for Men and Women

by George MacDonald

A new Edition, with thirty-three new Illustrations by Arthur Hughes;
edited by Greville MacDonald (Illustrations not available)

“In good sooth, my masters, this is no door.

Yet is it a little window, that looketh upon a great world.”

“In truth, my friends, this is not a door.

Instead, it’s a small window that looks out onto a vast world.”


PREFACE

For offering this new edition of my father’s Phantastes, my reasons are three. The first is to rescue the work from an edition illustrated without the author’s sanction, and so unsuitably that all lovers of the book must have experienced some real grief in turning its pages. With the copyright I secured also the whole of that edition and turned it into pulp.

For publishing this new edition of my father's Phantastes, I have three reasons. The first is to save the work from an edition that was illustrated without the author's approval, in a way that must have caused genuine pain to all fans of the book when they flipped through its pages. With the copyright, I also obtained that entire edition and turned it into pulp.

My second reason is to pay a small tribute to my father by way of personal gratitude for this, his first prose work, which was published nearly fifty years ago. Though unknown to many lovers of his greater writings, none of these has exceeded it in imaginative insight and power of expression. To me it rings with the dominant chord of his life’s purpose and work.

My second reason is to pay a small tribute to my father as a way of showing personal gratitude for his first prose work, which was published nearly fifty years ago. Although many fans of his more well-known writings may not be familiar with it, none of those works surpass it in imaginative insight and expression. For me, it resonates with the central theme of his life’s purpose and work.

My third reason is that wider knowledge and love of the book should be made possible. To this end I have been most happy in the help of my father’s old friend, who has illustrated the book. I know of no other living artist who is capable of portraying the spirit of Phantastes; and every reader of this edition will, I believe, feel that the illustrations are a part of the romance, and will gain through them some perception of the brotherhood between George MacDonald and Arthur Hughes.

My third reason is to make broader knowledge and appreciation of the book possible. For this, I’ve been really grateful for the help of my father’s old friend, who illustrated the book. I don’t know of any other living artist who can capture the essence of Phantastes; and I believe every reader of this edition will feel that the illustrations are part of the story and will gain some insight into the connection between George MacDonald and Arthur Hughes.

GREVILLE MACDONALD.

Greville Macdonald.

September 1905.

September 1905.

PHANTASTES
A FAERIE ROMANCE

“Phantastes from ‘their fount’ all shapes deriving,
In new habiliments can quickly dight.”
FLETCHER’S Purple Island

“Phantastes from ‘their source’ all forms deriving,
In new clothing can quickly dress.”
FLETCHER’S Purple Island

Es lassen sich Erzählungen ohne Zusammenhang, jedoch mit Association, wie Träume, denken; Gedichte, die bloss wohlklingend und voll schöner Worte sind, aber auch ohne allen Sinn und Zusammenhang, höchstens einzelne Strophen verständlich, wie Bruchstücke aus den verschiedenartigsten Dingen. Diese wahre Poesie kann höchstens einen allegorischen Sinn in Grossen, und eine indirecte Wirkung, wie Musik, haben. Darum ist die Natur so rein poetisch, wie die Stube eines Zauberers, eines Physikers, eine Kinderstube, eine Polter- und Vorrathskammer.

Ein Märchen ist wie ein Traumbild ohne Zusammenhang. Ein Ensemble wunderbarer Dinge und Begebenheiten, z. B. eine musikalische Phantasie, die harmonischen Folgen einer Aeolsharfe, die Natur selbst...

In einem echten Märchen muss alles wunderbar, geheimnissvoll und zusammenhängend sein; alles belebt, jeder auf eine andere Art. Die ganze Natur muss wunderlich mit der ganzen Geisterwelt gemischt sein; hier tritt die Zeit der Anarchie, der Gesetzlosigkeit, Freiheit, der Naturstand der Natur, die Zeit von der Welt ein . . . Die Welt des Märchens ist die, der Welt der Wahrheit durchaus entgegengesetzte, und eben darum ihr so durchaus ähnlich, wie das Chaos der vollendeten Schöpfung ähnlich ist.--NOVALIS.

You can imagine stories without connection but with associations, like dreams; poems that are just pleasing to hear and full of beautiful words, yet lacking any real sense or coherence, with maybe just a few stanzas that make sense, like fragments from all sorts of things. This true poetry can at most have a broad allegorical meaning and an indirect impact, similar to music. That’s why nature is as purely poetic as a wizard’s room, a physicist’s workshop, a nursery, or a cluttered storeroom.

A fairytale is like a dream image without connection. An ensemble of wonderful things and events, for example, a musical fantasy, the harmonious sequences of an Aeolian harp, nature itself...

In a true fairytale, everything must be wonderful, mysterious, and interconnected; everything animated, each in a different way. The entire nature must be whimsically mixed with the spirit world; this is the time of anarchy, lawlessness, freedom, the natural state of nature, the time of the world... The world of the fairytale is completely opposed to the world of truth, and that’s precisely why it is so similar, just like chaos is similar to completed creation.--NOVALIS.

CHAPTER I

“A spirit . . .
. . . . . .
The undulating and silent well,
And rippling rivulet, and evening gloom,
Now deepening the dark shades, for speech assuming,
Held commune with him; as if he and it
Were all that was.”
          SHELLEY’S Alastor.

“A spirit . . .
. . . . . .
The gently flowing, quiet well,
And the babbling stream, and the evening darkness,
Now deepening the shadows, felt like it was speaking,
Communing with him; as if he and it
Were all that existed.”
SHELLEY’S Alastor.

I awoke one morning with the usual perplexity of mind which accompanies the return of consciousness. As I lay and looked through the eastern window of my room, a faint streak of peach-colour, dividing a cloud that just rose above the low swell of the horizon, announced the approach of the sun. As my thoughts, which a deep and apparently dreamless sleep had dissolved, began again to assume crystalline forms, the strange events of the foregoing night presented themselves anew to my wondering consciousness. The day before had been my one-and-twentieth birthday. Among other ceremonies investing me with my legal rights, the keys of an old secretary, in which my father had kept his private papers, had been delivered up to me. As soon as I was left alone, I ordered lights in the chamber where the secretary stood, the first lights that had been there for many a year; for, since my father’s death, the room had been left undisturbed. But, as if the darkness had been too long an inmate to be easily expelled, and had dyed with blackness the walls to which, bat-like, it had clung, these tapers served but ill to light up the gloomy hangings, and seemed to throw yet darker shadows into the hollows of the deep-wrought cornice. All the further portions of the room lay shrouded in a mystery whose deepest folds were gathered around the dark oak cabinet which I now approached with a strange mingling of reverence and curiosity. Perhaps, like a geologist, I was about to turn up to the light some of the buried strata of the human world, with its fossil remains charred by passion and petrified by tears. Perhaps I was to learn how my father, whose personal history was unknown to me, had woven his web of story; how he had found the world, and how the world had left him. Perhaps I was to find only the records of lands and moneys, how gotten and how secured; coming down from strange men, and through troublous times, to me, who knew little or nothing of them all. To solve my speculations, and to dispel the awe which was fast gathering around me as if the dead were drawing near, I approached the secretary; and having found the key that fitted the upper portion, I opened it with some difficulty, drew near it a heavy high-backed chair, and sat down before a multitude of little drawers and slides and pigeon-holes. But the door of a little cupboard in the centre especially attracted my interest, as if there lay the secret of this long-hidden world. Its key I found.

I woke up one morning with the usual confusion that comes with waking up. As I lay there and looked through the eastern window of my room, a faint streak of peach color dividing a cloud just above the low horizon announced the sun's approach. As my thoughts, which a deep and seemingly dreamless sleep had dissolved, began to take shape again, the strange events of the previous night came back to my wondering mind. The day before had been my twenty-first birthday. Among other ceremonies that granted me my legal rights, I had received the keys to an old desk where my father kept his private papers. Once I was alone, I ordered lights in the room where the desk stood—the first lights that had been there in many years; since my father’s death, the room had been untouched. But it seemed that the darkness had been there for too long to leave easily, darkening the walls it clung to like a bat. The candles did little to illuminate the gloomy furnishings and seemed to cast even darker shadows into the deep crevices of the ornate cornice. The rest of the room was shrouded in a mystery, its deepest layers gathered around the dark oak cabinet that I now approached with a strange mix of reverence and curiosity. Perhaps, like a geologist, I was about to uncover some buried parts of the human experience, with its fossilized remnants marked by passion and hardened by tears. Perhaps I would learn how my father, whose personal history was a mystery to me, had crafted his story; how he had experienced the world, and how the world had treated him. Maybe I would find only records of land and money, how they were acquired and secured; passed down from strange men through troubled times to me, who knew little to nothing about them. To address my thoughts and dispel the growing sense of awe as if the dead were approaching, I moved closer to the desk. After locating the key for the top section, I opened it with some difficulty, pulled up a heavy high-backed chair, and sat down in front of the numerous little drawers, slides, and compartments. However, the door of a small cupboard in the center particularly caught my attention, as if it held the secret to this long-hidden world. I found its key.

One of the rusty hinges cracked and broke as I opened the door: it revealed a number of small pigeon-holes. These, however, being but shallow compared with the depth of those around the little cupboard, the outer ones reaching to the back of the desk, I concluded that there must be some accessible space behind; and found, indeed, that they were formed in a separate framework, which admitted of the whole being pulled out in one piece. Behind, I found a sort of flexible portcullis of small bars of wood laid close together horizontally. After long search, and trying many ways to move it, I discovered at last a scarcely projecting point of steel on one side. I pressed this repeatedly and hard with the point of an old tool that was lying near, till at length it yielded inwards; and the little slide, flying up suddenly, disclosed a chamber—empty, except that in one corner lay a little heap of withered rose-leaves, whose long-lived scent had long since departed; and, in another, a small packet of papers, tied with a bit of ribbon, whose colour had gone with the rose-scent. Almost fearing to touch them, they witnessed so mutely to the law of oblivion, I leaned back in my chair, and regarded them for a moment; when suddenly there stood on the threshold of the little chamber, as though she had just emerged from its depth, a tiny woman-form, as perfect in shape as if she had been a small Greek statuette roused to life and motion. Her dress was of a kind that could never grow old-fashioned, because it was simply natural: a robe plaited in a band around the neck, and confined by a belt about the waist, descended to her feet. It was only afterwards, however, that I took notice of her dress, although my surprise was by no means of so overpowering a degree as such an apparition might naturally be expected to excite. Seeing, however, as I suppose, some astonishment in my countenance, she came forward within a yard of me, and said, in a voice that strangely recalled a sensation of twilight, and reedy river banks, and a low wind, even in this deathly room:—

One of the rusty hinges cracked and broke as I opened the door, revealing a number of small pigeonholes. However, these were shallow compared to the depth of those surrounding the little cupboard, with the outer ones reaching back to the desk. I concluded there must be some accessible space behind and found that they were part of a separate frame, allowing the whole structure to be pulled out in one piece. Behind it, I discovered a sort of flexible barrier made of closely laid wooden slats. After searching for a while and trying various ways to move it, I finally found a barely visible point of steel on one side. I pressed it repeatedly and hard with the point of an old tool that was lying nearby until it finally yielded inward. The little slide suddenly shot up, revealing a chamber—empty, except for a small pile of withered rose leaves in one corner, whose long-gone scent had vanished, and a small packet of papers tied with a piece of ribbon, whose color had faded along with the rose scent. Almost afraid to touch them, they silently testified to the law of oblivion. I leaned back in my chair and stared at them for a moment when suddenly a tiny woman appeared in the doorway of the little chamber, as if she had just emerged from its depths. She was perfectly shaped, like a small Greek statuette come to life. Her dress was timeless and simple: a robe pleated around the neck and cinched at the waist, flowing down to her feet. I only noticed her dress afterward, though my surprise wasn't as overwhelming as one might expect from such an apparition. Seeing, I suppose, some astonishment on my face, she stepped within a yard of me and spoke in a voice that oddly reminded me of twilight, reedy riverbanks, and a soft wind, even in this lifeless room:—

“Anodos, you never saw such a little creature before, did you?”

“Anodos, you’ve never seen such a tiny creature before, have you?”

“No,” said I; “and indeed I hardly believe I do now.”

“No,” I said; “and honestly, I barely believe that I do now.”

“Ah! that is always the way with you men; you believe nothing the first time; and it is foolish enough to let mere repetition convince you of what you consider in itself unbelievable. I am not going to argue with you, however, but to grant you a wish.”

“Ah! that’s always how you guys are; you believe nothing the first time, and it’s pretty silly to let just repeated claims convince you of something you think is impossible. I’m not going to argue with you, though; I’m here to grant you a wish.”

Here I could not help interrupting her with the foolish speech, of which, however, I had no cause to repent—

Here I couldn't help interrupting her with some silly comments, but I had no reason to regret it—

“How can such a very little creature as you grant or refuse anything?”

“How can such a tiny little creature like you give or deny anything?”

“Is that all the philosophy you have gained in one-and-twenty years?” said she. “Form is much, but size is nothing. It is a mere matter of relation. I suppose your six-foot lordship does not feel altogether insignificant, though to others you do look small beside your old Uncle Ralph, who rises above you a great half-foot at least. But size is of so little consequence with old me, that I may as well accommodate myself to your foolish prejudices.”

"Is that all the wisdom you've picked up in twenty-one years?" she said. "Form matters a lot, but size is irrelevant. It’s just a matter of perspective. I assume your six-foot height doesn’t make you feel insignificant, even though you look small next to your Uncle Ralph, who is at least half a foot taller than you. But size really doesn’t matter much to me, so I might as well adapt to your silly biases."

So saying, she leapt from the desk upon the floor, where she stood a tall, gracious lady, with pale face and large blue eyes. Her dark hair flowed behind, wavy but uncurled, down to her waist, and against it her form stood clear in its robe of white.

So saying, she jumped off the desk onto the floor, where she stood as a tall, graceful lady with a pale face and big blue eyes. Her dark hair flowed behind her, wavy but not curled, down to her waist, and against it her figure stood out clearly in her white robe.

“Now,” said she, “you will believe me.”

“Now,” she said, “you’ll believe me.”

Overcome with the presence of a beauty which I could now perceive, and drawn towards her by an attraction irresistible as incomprehensible, I suppose I stretched out my arms towards her, for she drew back a step or two, and said—

Overwhelmed by the beauty I could finally see, and pulled toward her by an attraction that was both irresistible and baffling, I guess I reached out my arms to her, but she took a step or two back and said—

“Foolish boy, if you could touch me, I should hurt you. Besides, I was two hundred and thirty-seven years old, last Midsummer eve; and a man must not fall in love with his grandmother, you know.”

“Foolish boy, if you could touch me, I would hurt you. Besides, I was two hundred and thirty-seven years old last Midsummer Eve; and a guy shouldn't fall in love with his grandmother, you know.”

“But you are not my grandmother,” said I.

“But you’re not my grandmother,” I said.

“How do you know that?” she retorted. “I dare say you know something of your great-grandfathers a good deal further back than that; but you know very little about your great-grandmothers on either side. Now, to the point. Your little sister was reading a fairy-tale to you last night.”

“How do you know that?” she shot back. “I bet you know quite a bit about your great-grandfathers from way back, but you hardly know anything about your great-grandmothers on either side. Now, let’s get to the point. Your little sister was reading a fairy tale to you last night.”

“She was.”

“She was.”

“When she had finished, she said, as she closed the book, ‘Is there a fairy-country, brother?’ You replied with a sigh, ‘I suppose there is, if one could find the way into it.’”

“When she was done, she said, as she closed the book, ‘Is there a fairy country, brother?’ You responded with a sigh, ‘I guess there is, if you could find a way in.’”

“I did; but I meant something quite different from what you seem to think.”

“I did, but I meant something completely different from what you seem to think.”

“Never mind what I seem to think. You shall find the way into Fairy Land to-morrow. Now look in my eyes.”

“Forget what it seems I think. You'll find the way into Fairy Land tomorrow. Now look into my eyes.”

Eagerly I did so. They filled me with an unknown longing. I remembered somehow that my mother died when I was a baby. I looked deeper and deeper, till they spread around me like seas, and I sank in their waters. I forgot all the rest, till I found myself at the window, whose gloomy curtains were withdrawn, and where I stood gazing on a whole heaven of stars, small and sparkling in the moonlight. Below lay a sea, still as death and hoary in the moon, sweeping into bays and around capes and islands, away, away, I knew not whither. Alas! it was no sea, but a low bog burnished by the moon. “Surely there is such a sea somewhere!” said I to myself. A low sweet voice beside me replied—

Eagerly I did so. They filled me with a longing I couldn't quite place. I somehow remembered that my mother had passed away when I was just a baby. I looked deeper and deeper until they surrounded me like oceans, and I sank into their depths. I forgot everything else until I found myself at the window, where the dark curtains were drawn back, and I stood gazing at a sky full of stars, small and sparkling in the moonlight. Below was a sea, still as death and glowing under the moon, sweeping into bays and around capes and islands, going farther and farther, I didn’t know where. Alas! it wasn’t a sea, but a low bog shining under the moon. “There has to be such a sea somewhere!” I said to myself. A soft, sweet voice beside me replied—

“In Fairy Land, Anodos.”

"In Fairyland, Anodos."

I turned, but saw no one. I closed the secretary, and went to my own room, and to bed.

I turned around, but there was nobody there. I closed the desk and went to my room and got into bed.

All this I recalled as I lay with half-closed eyes. I was soon to find the truth of the lady’s promise, that this day I should discover the road into Fairy Land.

All of this came back to me as I lay there with my eyes half shut. I was about to find out if the lady's promise was true, that today I would discover the way to Fairy Land.

CHAPTER II

“‘Where is the stream?’ cried he, with tears. ‘Seest thou not its blue waves above us?’ He looked up, and lo! the blue stream was flowing gently over their heads.” —NOVALIS, Heinrich von Ofterdingen.

“‘Where is the stream?’ he cried, tears in his eyes. ‘Don’t you see its blue waves above us?’ He looked up, and there it was! The blue stream was flowing gently over their heads.” —NOVALIS, Heinrich von Ofterdingen.

While these strange events were passing through my mind, I suddenly, as one awakes to the consciousness that the sea has been moaning by him for hours, or that the storm has been howling about his window all night, became aware of the sound of running water near me; and, looking out of bed, I saw that a large green marble basin, in which I was wont to wash, and which stood on a low pedestal of the same material in a corner of my room, was overflowing like a spring; and that a stream of clear water was running over the carpet, all the length of the room, finding its outlet I knew not where. And, stranger still, where this carpet, which I had myself designed to imitate a field of grass and daisies, bordered the course of the little stream, the grass-blades and daisies seemed to wave in a tiny breeze that followed the water’s flow; while under the rivulet they bent and swayed with every motion of the changeful current, as if they were about to dissolve with it, and, forsaking their fixed form, become fluent as the waters.

While I was caught up in these strange thoughts, I suddenly became aware of the sound of running water nearby, like when you wake up and realize the sea has been murmuring to you for hours or that a storm has been raging outside your window all night. I looked out of bed and saw that a large green marble basin, where I usually washed, was overflowing like a spring, and clear water was flowing over the carpet the entire length of the room, finding its way out somewhere I didn't know. Even stranger, where the carpet—designed by me to resemble a field of grass and daisies—met the little stream, the grass blades and daisies seemed to sway in a gentle breeze that followed the water's movement. Under the small river, they bent and swayed with every ripple of the changing current, as if they were about to dissolve into it and abandon their solid form to become as fluid as the flowing water.

My dressing-table was an old-fashioned piece of furniture of black oak, with drawers all down the front. These were elaborately carved in foliage, of which ivy formed the chief part. The nearer end of this table remained just as it had been, but on the further end a singular change had commenced. I happened to fix my eye on a little cluster of ivy-leaves. The first of these was evidently the work of the carver; the next looked curious; the third was unmistakable ivy; and just beyond it a tendril of clematis had twined itself about the gilt handle of one of the drawers. Hearing next a slight motion above me, I looked up, and saw that the branches and leaves designed upon the curtains of my bed were slightly in motion. Not knowing what change might follow next, I thought it high time to get up; and, springing from the bed, my bare feet alighted upon a cool green sward; and although I dressed in all haste, I found myself completing my toilet under the boughs of a great tree, whose top waved in the golden stream of the sunrise with many interchanging lights, and with shadows of leaf and branch gliding over leaf and branch, as the cool morning wind swung it to and fro, like a sinking sea-wave.

My dressing table was an old-fashioned piece of black oak furniture, with drawers all along the front. These were intricately carved with foliage, mostly ivy. The end of the table closest to me looked just like it always had, but the far end had started to change in a strange way. I happened to notice a small cluster of ivy leaves. The first one was clearly made by the carver; the second one looked unusual; the third was definitely ivy; and just beyond it, a clematis tendril had wrapped itself around the gold handle of one of the drawers. Hearing a soft movement above me, I looked up and saw the branches and leaves on the curtains of my bed slightly moving. Unsure of what might happen next, I figured it was time to get up; so I jumped out of bed, and my bare feet landed on a cool green lawn. Though I got dressed quickly, I found myself finishing my grooming under the branches of a big tree, whose top swayed in the golden light of sunrise, with many changing shades and shadows of leaves and branches gliding over one another as the cool morning breeze moved it back and forth like a sinking sea wave.

After washing as well as I could in the clear stream, I rose and looked around me. The tree under which I seemed to have lain all night was one of the advanced guard of a dense forest, towards which the rivulet ran. Faint traces of a footpath, much overgrown with grass and moss, and with here and there a pimpernel even, were discernible along the right bank. “This,” thought I, “must surely be the path into Fairy Land, which the lady of last night promised I should so soon find.” I crossed the rivulet, and accompanied it, keeping the footpath on its right bank, until it led me, as I expected, into the wood. Here I left it, without any good reason: and with a vague feeling that I ought to have followed its course, I took a more southerly direction.

After washing as well as I could in the clear stream, I got up and looked around. The tree under which I seemed to have slept all night was part of the edge of a thick forest, toward which the small stream flowed. Faint traces of a footpath, overgrown with grass and moss, and with a few pimpernel flowers here and there, were visible along the right bank. “This,” I thought, “has to be the path to Fairy Land that the lady from last night promised I would find soon.” I crossed the stream and followed it, staying on the footpath along its right bank, until it took me, as I expected, into the woods. Here, I left it for no good reason, feeling vaguely that I should have stuck to it, and I turned in a more southerly direction.

CHAPTER III

“Man doth usurp all space,
Stares thee, in rock, bush, river, in the face.
Never thine eyes behold a tree;
‘Tis no sea thou seest in the sea,
‘Tis but a disguised humanity.
To avoid thy fellow, vain thy plan;
All that interests a man, is man.”
          HENRY SUTTON.

“Man takes up all space,
Staring at you in the rock, bush, river, right in your face.
You never see a tree;
What you see in the sea isn’t really a sea,
It’s just humanity in disguise.
Trying to avoid your fellow man is pointless;
Everything that interests a person is other people.”
HENRY SUTTON.

The trees, which were far apart where I entered, giving free passage to the level rays of the sun, closed rapidly as I advanced, so that ere long their crowded stems barred the sunlight out, forming as it were a thick grating between me and the East. I seemed to be advancing towards a second midnight. In the midst of the intervening twilight, however, before I entered what appeared to be the darkest portion of the forest, I saw a country maiden coming towards me from its very depths. She did not seem to observe me, for she was apparently intent upon a bunch of wild flowers which she carried in her hand. I could hardly see her face; for, though she came direct towards me, she never looked up. But when we met, instead of passing, she turned and walked alongside of me for a few yards, still keeping her face downwards, and busied with her flowers. She spoke rapidly, however, all the time, in a low tone, as if talking to herself, but evidently addressing the purport of her words to me.

The trees, which were spaced out when I first entered, allowing the sunlight to shine through, quickly closed in as I moved forward, almost immediately blocking out the light and creating a thick barrier between me and the East. It felt like I was heading towards another midnight. However, in the dim light before I reached what seemed like the darkest part of the forest, I noticed a young woman coming towards me from deep within the woods. She didn't seem to notice me because she was focused on a bunch of wildflowers she held in her hand. I could barely see her face; though she was walking straight towards me, she never looked up. When we met, instead of just passing by, she turned and walked beside me for a short distance, still keeping her gaze down and preoccupied with her flowers. She spoke quickly the whole time, in a soft voice, as if she were talking to herself, but clearly directing her words to me.

She seemed afraid of being observed by some lurking foe. “Trust the Oak,” said she; “trust the Oak, and the Elm, and the great Beech. Take care of the Birch, for though she is honest, she is too young not to be changeable. But shun the Ash and the Alder; for the Ash is an ogre,—you will know him by his thick fingers; and the Alder will smother you with her web of hair, if you let her near you at night.” All this was uttered without pause or alteration of tone. Then she turned suddenly and left me, walking still with the same unchanging gait. I could not conjecture what she meant, but satisfied myself with thinking that it would be time enough to find out her meaning when there was need to make use of her warning, and that the occasion would reveal the admonition. I concluded from the flowers that she carried, that the forest could not be everywhere so dense as it appeared from where I was now walking; and I was right in this conclusion. For soon I came to a more open part, and by-and-by crossed a wide grassy glade, on which were several circles of brighter green. But even here I was struck with the utter stillness. No bird sang. No insect hummed. Not a living creature crossed my way. Yet somehow the whole environment seemed only asleep, and to wear even in sleep an air of expectation. The trees seemed all to have an expression of conscious mystery, as if they said to themselves, “we could, an’ if we would.” They had all a meaning look about them. Then I remembered that night is the fairies’ day, and the moon their sun; and I thought—Everything sleeps and dreams now: when the night comes, it will be different. At the same time I, being a man and a child of the day, felt some anxiety as to how I should fare among the elves and other children of the night who wake when mortals dream, and find their common life in those wondrous hours that flow noiselessly over the moveless death-like forms of men and women and children, lying strewn and parted beneath the weight of the heavy waves of night, which flow on and beat them down, and hold them drowned and senseless, until the ebbtide comes, and the waves sink away, back into the ocean of the dark. But I took courage and went on. Soon, however, I became again anxious, though from another cause. I had eaten nothing that day, and for an hour past had been feeling the want of food. So I grew afraid lest I should find nothing to meet my human necessities in this strange place; but once more I comforted myself with hope and went on.

She seemed scared of being watched by some hidden enemy. “Trust the Oak,” she said; “trust the Oak, the Elm, and the great Beech. Be cautious of the Birch, because although she's honest, she's too young to be reliable. But stay away from the Ash and the Alder; the Ash is a monster—you’ll recognize him by his thick fingers; and the Alder will smother you with her web of hair if you let her get close at night.” All of this was said without a pause or change in tone. Then she suddenly turned and left me, walking with the same steady pace. I couldn't figure out what she meant, but I told myself it would be time enough to understand her warning when I needed it, and that the right moment would reveal her message. I deduced from the flowers she carried that the forest couldn't be as dense as it seemed where I was walking; and I was right. Soon, I reached a more open area and eventually crossed a wide grassy glade dotted with patches of brighter green. But even here, I was struck by the complete silence. No bird sang. No insect buzzed. Not a single living thing crossed my path. Still, the whole landscape felt like it was merely asleep, somehow holding a sense of anticipation even in its stillness. The trees all seemed to have an expression of knowing mystery, as if they were saying to themselves, “we could, if we wanted to.” They all had a meaningful look. Then I remembered that night is when fairies come alive, with the moon as their sun; and I thought—Everything is asleep and dreaming now: when night falls, it will be different. At the same time, being a man and a child of the day, I felt anxious about how I would fare among the elves and other children of the night who awaken when mortals dream, sharing their lives in those magical hours that flow silently over the motionless, lifeless forms of people lying motionless beneath the heavy waves of night, which crash down and keep them submerged and senseless until the tide recedes, and the waves sink back into the ocean of darkness. But I gathered my courage and pressed on. Soon, however, I became anxious again, but for a different reason. I hadn’t eaten anything that day, and for the past hour, I had been feeling hungry. So I grew worried that I wouldn’t find anything to satisfy my needs in this strange place; but once again, I comforted myself with hope and continued.

Before noon, I fancied I saw a thin blue smoke rising amongst the stems of larger trees in front of me; and soon I came to an open spot of ground in which stood a little cottage, so built that the stems of four great trees formed its corners, while their branches met and intertwined over its roof, heaping a great cloud of leaves over it, up towards the heavens. I wondered at finding a human dwelling in this neighbourhood; and yet it did not look altogether human, though sufficiently so to encourage me to expect to find some sort of food. Seeing no door, I went round to the other side, and there I found one, wide open. A woman sat beside it, preparing some vegetables for dinner. This was homely and comforting. As I came near, she looked up, and seeing me, showed no surprise, but bent her head again over her work, and said in a low tone:

Before noon, I thought I saw a thin blue smoke rising among the trunks of larger trees in front of me; and soon I came to a clearing where there was a small cottage, built in such a way that the trunks of four big trees formed its corners, while their branches met and wove together over its roof, creating a thick canopy of leaves above it, reaching up towards the sky. I was surprised to find a human dwelling in this area; and yet it didn’t look entirely human, although it looked enough like one to make me expect to find some kind of food inside. Not seeing any door, I walked around to the other side, and there I found one, wide open. A woman was sitting beside it, preparing some vegetables for dinner. This was warm and comforting. As I approached, she looked up, and seeing me, showed no surprise but lowered her head again to her work and said in a soft voice:

“Did you see my daughter?”

“Have you seen my daughter?”

“I believe I did,” said I. “Can you give me something to eat, for I am very hungry?” “With pleasure,” she replied, in the same tone; “but do not say anything more, till you come into the house, for the Ash is watching us.”

“I think I did,” I said. “Can you give me something to eat? I’m really hungry.” “Of course,” she replied in the same way; “but let’s not say anything else until we’re inside, because the Ash is watching us.”

Having said this, she rose and led the way into the cottage; which, I now saw, was built of the stems of small trees set closely together, and was furnished with rough chairs and tables, from which even the bark had not been removed. As soon as she had shut the door and set a chair—

Having said this, she got up and led the way into the cottage, which I now saw was made from the trunks of small trees placed closely together and furnished with rough chairs and tables, from which even the bark hadn’t been removed. As soon as she closed the door and set a chair—

“You have fairy blood in you,” said she, looking hard at me.

"You have fairy blood in you," she said, staring intently at me.

“How do you know that?”

"How do you know?"

“You could not have got so far into this wood if it were not so; and I am trying to find out some trace of it in your countenance. I think I see it.”

“You couldn't have made it this far into the woods if it weren't true; and I'm trying to find some sign of it in your face. I think I see it.”

“What do you see?”

"What do you see?"

“Oh, never mind: I may be mistaken in that.”

“Oh, never mind: I might be wrong about that.”

“But how then do you come to live here?”

“But how did you end up living here?”

“Because I too have fairy blood in me.”

“Because I also have fairy blood in me.”

Here I, in my turn, looked hard at her, and thought I could perceive, notwithstanding the coarseness of her features, and especially the heaviness of her eyebrows, a something unusual—I could hardly call it grace, and yet it was an expression that strangely contrasted with the form of her features. I noticed too that her hands were delicately formed, though brown with work and exposure.

Here I was, looking intently at her, and I thought I could see, despite the roughness of her features, especially the weight of her eyebrows, something unusual—I wouldn't exactly call it grace, but it was an expression that really stood out against the shape of her features. I also noticed that her hands were delicately shaped, even though they were tanned from work and the elements.

“I should be ill,” she continued, “if I did not live on the borders of the fairies’ country, and now and then eat of their food. And I see by your eyes that you are not quite free of the same need; though, from your education and the activity of your mind, you have felt it less than I. You may be further removed too from the fairy race.”

“I would be sick,” she went on, “if I didn’t live on the edge of the fairy realm and occasionally eat their food. And I can see in your eyes that you also have that same need, although, due to your education and the way your mind works, you’ve felt it less than I have. You might also be more distant from the fairy folk.”

I remembered what the lady had said about my grandmothers.

I remembered what the woman had said about my grandmothers.

Here she placed some bread and some milk before me, with a kindly apology for the homeliness of the fare, with which, however, I was in no humour to quarrel. I now thought it time to try to get some explanation of the strange words both of her daughter and herself.

Here she put some bread and milk in front of me, apologizing for the simple food, but I wasn’t in the mood to complain. I figured it was time to ask for some explanation about the odd things both she and her daughter had said.

“What did you mean by speaking so about the Ash?”

“What did you mean when you spoke about the Ash like that?”

She rose and looked out of the little window. My eyes followed her; but as the window was too small to allow anything to be seen from where I was sitting, I rose and looked over her shoulder. I had just time to see, across the open space, on the edge of the denser forest, a single large ash-tree, whose foliage showed bluish, amidst the truer green of the other trees around it; when she pushed me back with an expression of impatience and terror, and then almost shut out the light from the window by setting up a large old book in it.

She stood up and looked out the small window. I followed her gaze, but since the window was too small for me to see anything from where I was sitting, I got up and peered over her shoulder. I quickly spotted, across the open area, at the edge of the thicker forest, a single large ash tree, its leaves appearing bluish against the more vibrant green of the surrounding trees; then she shoved me back with a look of impatience and fear, and almost blocked the light from the window by propping up a large old book in it.

“In general,” said she, recovering her composure, “there is no danger in the daytime, for then he is sound asleep; but there is something unusual going on in the woods; there must be some solemnity among the fairies to-night, for all the trees are restless, and although they cannot come awake, they see and hear in their sleep.”

“In general,” she said, getting her composure back, “there’s no danger during the day because he’s fast asleep then. But there’s something unusual happening in the woods; it must be some kind of event among the fairies tonight, because all the trees are restless, and even though they can’t wake up, they still see and hear in their sleep.”

“But what danger is to be dreaded from him?”

“But what danger should we fear from him?”

Instead of answering the question, she went again to the window and looked out, saying she feared the fairies would be interrupted by foul weather, for a storm was brewing in the west.

Instead of answering the question, she went back to the window and looked outside, saying she was worried the fairies would be disturbed by bad weather, because a storm was coming in from the west.

“And the sooner it grows dark, the sooner the Ash will be awake,” added she.

“And the sooner it gets dark, the sooner the Ash will be awake,” she added.

I asked her how she knew that there was any unusual excitement in the woods. She replied—

I asked her how she knew there was anything unusual happening in the woods. She replied—

“Besides the look of the trees, the dog there is unhappy; and the eyes and ears of the white rabbit are redder than usual, and he frisks about as if he expected some fun. If the cat were at home, she would have her back up; for the young fairies pull the sparks out of her tail with bramble thorns, and she knows when they are coming. So do I, in another way.”

“Besides how the trees look, the dog over there is unhappy; and the white rabbit’s eyes and ears are redder than usual, and he hops around like he’s expecting some fun. If the cat were home, she would be on high alert; because the young fairies pull the sparks out of her tail with thorns, and she knows when they’re coming. I do too, just in a different way.”

At this instant, a grey cat rushed in like a demon, and disappeared in a hole in the wall.

At that moment, a gray cat darted in like a d demon and vanished into a hole in the wall.

“There, I told you!” said the woman.

“There, I told you!” the woman said.

“But what of the ash-tree?” said I, returning once more to the subject. Here, however, the young woman, whom I had met in the morning, entered. A smile passed between the mother and daughter; and then the latter began to help her mother in little household duties.

“But what about the ash-tree?” I asked again, bringing the topic back up. At that moment, the young woman I had met in the morning walked in. A smile exchanged between the mother and daughter, and then the daughter started to assist her mother with some small chores around the house.

“I should like to stay here till the evening,” I said; “and then go on my journey, if you will allow me.”

“I would like to stay here until the evening,” I said, “and then continue my journey, if that's alright with you.”

“You are welcome to do as you please; only it might be better to stay all night, than risk the dangers of the wood then. Where are you going?”

"You can do whatever you want; it might just be safer to stay the night instead of facing the dangers of the woods right now. Where are you headed?"

“Nay, that I do not know,” I replied, “but I wish to see all that is to be seen, and therefore I should like to start just at sundown.”

“Nah, I don't know that,” I answered, “but I want to see everything there is to see, so I’d like to start right at sunset.”

“You are a bold youth, if you have any idea of what you are daring; but a rash one, if you know nothing about it; and, excuse me, you do not seem very well informed about the country and its manners. However, no one comes here but for some reason, either known to himself or to those who have charge of him; so you shall do just as you wish.”

“You're quite the daring young person, if you truly understand what you're getting into; but you're being reckless if you don’t have a clue. And, if I may say so, you don’t seem very informed about this place and its ways. Still, people come here for a reason, whether they know it or not, or whether those responsible for them know. So, you should go ahead and do what you want.”

Accordingly I sat down, and feeling rather tired, and disinclined for further talk, I asked leave to look at the old book which still screened the window. The woman brought it to me directly, but not before taking another look towards the forest, and then drawing a white blind over the window. I sat down opposite to it by the table, on which I laid the great old volume, and read. It contained many wondrous tales of Fairy Land, and olden times, and the Knights of King Arthur’s table. I read on and on, till the shades of the afternoon began to deepen; for in the midst of the forest it gloomed earlier than in the open country. At length I came to this passage—

Accordingly, I sat down, feeling pretty tired and not in the mood for more conversation. I asked if I could look at the old book that was still covering the window. The woman brought it to me right away, but not before glancing at the forest again and then closing a white blind over the window. I positioned myself at the table across from it, setting the large old book down as I began to read. It was filled with amazing stories about Fairy Land, ancient times, and the Knights of King Arthur's Round Table. I kept reading until the afternoon shadows began to grow darker, since it got gloomy in the middle of the forest earlier than in open areas. Eventually, I reached this passage—

“Here it chanced, that upon their quest, Sir Galahad and Sir Percivale rencountered in the depths of a great forest. Now, Sir Galahad was dight all in harness of silver, clear and shining; the which is a delight to look upon, but full hasty to tarnish, and withouten the labour of a ready squire, uneath to be kept fair and clean. And yet withouten squire or page, Sir Galahad’s armour shone like the moon. And he rode a great white mare, whose bases and other housings were black, but all besprent with fair lilys of silver sheen. Whereas Sir Percivale bestrode a red horse, with a tawny mane and tail; whose trappings were all to-smirched with mud and mire; and his armour was wondrous rosty to behold, ne could he by any art furbish it again; so that as the sun in his going down shone twixt the bare trunks of the trees, full upon the knights twain, the one did seem all shining with light, and the other all to glow with ruddy fire. Now it came about in this wise. For Sir Percivale, after his escape from the demon lady, whenas the cross on the handle of his sword smote him to the heart, and he rove himself through the thigh, and escaped away, he came to a great wood; and, in nowise cured of his fault, yet bemoaning the same, the damosel of the alder tree encountered him, right fair to see; and with her fair words and false countenance she comforted him and beguiled him, until he followed her where she led him to a—-”

“While on their quest, Sir Galahad and Sir Percivale ran into each other deep in a great forest. Sir Galahad was fully dressed in silver armor, clear and shiny; it was beautiful to look at, but easily tarnished, and without a dedicated squire, hard to keep clean. Yet, without a squire or servant, Sir Galahad’s armor still shone like the moon. He rode a large white mare, with black accessories and other fittings decorated with lovely silver lilies. On the other hand, Sir Percivale rode a red horse with a tawny mane and tail; his gear was all covered in mud and grime; and his armor was so rusty that he couldn’t polish it back to shine. As the sun set, shining between the bare trunks of the trees, one knight appeared to glow with light, while the other radiated a ruddy fire. This is how it happened. After escaping from the demon lady, when the cross on his sword’s handle pierced his heart and he wounded himself in the thigh but managed to get away, he entered a great wood. Still troubled by his troubles and lamenting them, he encountered the damsel of the alder tree, who was very beautiful to see; with her gentle words and deceptive appearance, she comforted him and seduced him, leading him wherever she wanted.”

Here a low hurried cry from my hostess caused me to look up from the book, and I read no more.

Here a quick, urgent cry from my hostess made me look up from the book, and I didn't read any further.

“Look there!” she said; “look at his fingers!”

“Look over there!” she said; “check out his fingers!”

Just as I had been reading in the book, the setting sun was shining through a cleft in the clouds piled up in the west; and a shadow as of a large distorted hand, with thick knobs and humps on the fingers, so that it was much wider across the fingers than across the undivided part of the hand, passed slowly over the little blind, and then as slowly returned in the opposite direction.

Just as I was reading in the book, the setting sun was shining through a gap in the clouds piled up in the west. A shadow like a large, distorted hand, with thick knuckles and bumps on the fingers, stretched across the little blind, appearing much wider at the fingers than at the palm, and then it slowly moved back in the opposite direction.

“He is almost awake, mother; and greedier than usual to-night.”

“He's almost awake, mom; and hungrier than usual tonight.”

“Hush, child; you need not make him more angry with us than he is; for you do not know how soon something may happen to oblige us to be in the forest after nightfall.”

“Hush, kid; you don’t need to make him angrier with us than he already is; because you don’t know how soon something might happen that forces us to be in the forest after dark.”

“But you are in the forest,” said I; “how is it that you are safe here?”

“But you’re in the forest,” I said; “how is it that you’re safe here?”

“He dares not come nearer than he is now,” she replied; “for any of those four oaks, at the corners of our cottage, would tear him to pieces; they are our friends. But he stands there and makes awful faces at us sometimes, and stretches out his long arms and fingers, and tries to kill us with fright; for, indeed, that is his favourite way of doing. Pray, keep out of his way to-night.”

“He doesn’t dare come any closer than he is now,” she replied. “Any of those four oaks at the corners of our cottage would tear him apart; they’re our protectors. But he stands there and makes terrible faces at us sometimes, stretching out his long arms and fingers, trying to scare us to death; that’s really his favorite method. Please, stay away from him tonight.”

“Shall I be able to see these things?” said I.

“Will I be able to see these things?” I asked.

“That I cannot tell yet, not knowing how much of the fairy nature there is in you. But we shall soon see whether you can discern the fairies in my little garden, and that will be some guide to us.”

“That I can’t say yet, since I’m not sure how much of the fairy nature is in you. But we’ll find out soon whether you can see the fairies in my little garden, and that will help us.”

“Are the trees fairies too, as well as the flowers?” I asked.

“Are the trees fairies too, just like the flowers?” I asked.

“They are of the same race,” she replied; “though those you call fairies in your country are chiefly the young children of the flower fairies. They are very fond of having fun with the thick people, as they call you; for, like most children, they like fun better than anything else.”

“They're from the same race,” she said. “But those you refer to as fairies in your country are mostly the young children of the flower fairies. They really enjoy playing around with the clumsy people, as they call you, because, like most kids, they prefer having fun above all else.”

“Why do you have flowers so near you then? Do they not annoy you?”

“Why do you have flowers so close to you then? Don’t they bother you?”

“Oh, no, they are very amusing, with their mimicries of grown people, and mock solemnities. Sometimes they will act a whole play through before my eyes, with perfect composure and assurance, for they are not afraid of me. Only, as soon as they have done, they burst into peals of tiny laughter, as if it was such a joke to have been serious over anything. These I speak of, however, are the fairies of the garden. They are more staid and educated than those of the fields and woods. Of course they have near relations amongst the wild flowers, but they patronise them, and treat them as country cousins, who know nothing of life, and very little of manners. Now and then, however, they are compelled to envy the grace and simplicity of the natural flowers.”

“Oh, no, they’re really funny with their imitations of adults and their mock seriousness. Sometimes they’ll perform an entire play right in front of me, completely composed and confident, because they’re not scared of me. But as soon as they finish, they burst out laughing, as if it’s such a joke to have taken anything seriously. The ones I’m talking about are the garden fairies. They’re more proper and refined than those from the fields and woods. Of course, they have relatives among the wildflowers, but they look down on them and treat them like country cousins who know nothing about life and very little about manners. Now and then, though, they can’t help but envy the beauty and simplicity of the wildflowers.”

“Do they live in the flowers?” I said.

“Do they live in the flowers?” I asked.

“I cannot tell,” she replied. “There is something in it I do not understand. Sometimes they disappear altogether, even from me, though I know they are near. They seem to die always with the flowers they resemble, and by whose names they are called; but whether they return to life with the fresh flowers, or, whether it be new flowers, new fairies, I cannot tell. They have as many sorts of dispositions as men and women, while their moods are yet more variable; twenty different expressions will cross their little faces in half a minute. I often amuse myself with watching them, but I have never been able to make personal acquaintance with any of them. If I speak to one, he or she looks up in my face, as if I were not worth heeding, gives a little laugh, and runs away.” Here the woman started, as if suddenly recollecting herself, and said in a low voice to her daughter, “Make haste—go and watch him, and see in what direction he goes.”

“I can’t tell,” she replied. “There’s something about it I don’t understand. Sometimes they completely disappear, even from me, though I know they’re nearby. They seem to die with the flowers they look like, and are called by those names; but whether they come back to life with the fresh flowers or if they’re new flowers, new fairies, I can’t say. They have as many different personalities as people do, but their moods are even more changeable; twenty different expressions can cross their little faces in half a minute. I often entertain myself by watching them, but I’ve never been able to get to know any of them personally. If I talk to one, he or she looks up at me like I’m not worth their attention, gives a little laugh, and runs away.” Here the woman paused, as if suddenly remembering something, and said in a low voice to her daughter, “Hurry—go watch him and see which direction he goes.”

I may as well mention here, that the conclusion I arrived at from the observations I was afterwards able to make, was, that the flowers die because the fairies go away; not that the fairies disappear because the flowers die. The flowers seem a sort of houses for them, or outer bodies, which they can put on or off when they please. Just as you could form some idea of the nature of a man from the kind of house he built, if he followed his own taste, so you could, without seeing the fairies, tell what any one of them is like, by looking at the flower till you feel that you understand it. For just what the flower says to you, would the face and form of the fairy say; only so much more plainly as a face and human figure can express more than a flower. For the house or the clothes, though like the inhabitant or the wearer, cannot be wrought into an equal power of utterance. Yet you would see a strange resemblance, almost oneness, between the flower and the fairy, which you could not describe, but which described itself to you. Whether all the flowers have fairies, I cannot determine, any more than I can be sure whether all men and women have souls.

I might as well mention here that the conclusion I came to from the observations I was later able to make was that flowers die because the fairies leave, not that the fairies vanish because the flowers die. The flowers seem like a sort of home for the fairies or outer forms they can put on or take off whenever they want. Just as you can get an idea of a person from the kind of house they built if they followed their own style, you could, without seeing the fairies, understand what any one of them is like by looking at the flower until you feel you get it. The flower communicates to you what the fairy would express; only it’s clearer because a face and human figure can convey more than a flower. However, the house or the clothes, while resembling the person living in them or wearing them, can’t express as much. Yet, you would see a strange similarity—almost a unity—between the flower and the fairy that you couldn’t describe, but that made itself known to you. Whether all flowers have fairies, I can’t say for sure, just like I can’t be certain that all men and women have souls.

The woman and I continued the conversation for a few minutes longer. I was much interested by the information she gave me, and astonished at the language in which she was able to convey it. It seemed that intercourse with the fairies was no bad education in itself. But now the daughter returned with the news, that the Ash had just gone away in a south-westerly direction; and, as my course seemed to lie eastward, she hoped I should be in no danger of meeting him if I departed at once. I looked out of the little window, and there stood the ash-tree, to my eyes the same as before; but I believed that they knew better than I did, and prepared to go. I pulled out my purse, but to my dismay there was nothing in it. The woman with a smile begged me not to trouble myself, for money was not of the slightest use there; and as I might meet with people in my journeys whom I could not recognise to be fairies, it was well I had no money to offer, for nothing offended them so much.

The woman and I chatted for a few more minutes. I was really intrigued by the information she shared and amazed at how well she expressed it. It seemed that interacting with fairies was quite a valuable experience on its own. But then the daughter came back with the news that the Ash had just left, heading southwest. Since I was planning to go east, she hoped I wouldn’t run into him if I left right away. I looked out the small window, and there was the ash tree, looking the same as before to me, but I trusted that they knew better than I did and got ready to go. I reached for my wallet, but to my dismay, it was empty. The woman smiled and told me not to worry because money wasn’t useful there at all. She said it was good I had no cash to offer since I might meet people on my journey who I wouldn’t recognize as fairies, and nothing annoyed them more.

“They would think,” she added, “that you were making game of them; and that is their peculiar privilege with regard to us.” So we went together into the little garden which sloped down towards a lower part of the wood.

“They would think,” she added, “that you were making fun of them; and that’s their special right when it comes to us.” So we walked together into the small garden that sloped down towards a lower area of the woods.

Here, to my great pleasure, all was life and bustle. There was still light enough from the day to see a little; and the pale half-moon, halfway to the zenith, was reviving every moment. The whole garden was like a carnival, with tiny, gaily decorated forms, in groups, assemblies, processions, pairs or trios, moving stately on, running about wildly, or sauntering hither or thither. From the cups or bells of tall flowers, as from balconies, some looked down on the masses below, now bursting with laughter, now grave as owls; but even in their deepest solemnity, seeming only to be waiting for the arrival of the next laugh. Some were launched on a little marshy stream at the bottom, in boats chosen from the heaps of last year’s leaves that lay about, curled and withered. These soon sank with them; whereupon they swam ashore and got others. Those who took fresh rose-leaves for their boats floated the longest; but for these they had to fight; for the fairy of the rose-tree complained bitterly that they were stealing her clothes, and defended her property bravely.

Here, to my delight, everything was lively and bustling. There was still enough daylight to see a little, and the pale half-moon, rising higher in the sky, was getting brighter by the moment. The whole garden resembled a carnival, with tiny, brightly decorated figures in groups, gatherings, processions, pairs, or trios, moving elegantly, running around excitedly, or strolling here and there. From the cups or bells of tall flowers, as if from balconies, some looked down at the masses below, sometimes bursting with laughter, other times serious like owls; but even in their deepest seriousness, they seemed to be just waiting for the next laugh. Some were launched on a little marshy stream at the bottom, using boats made from last year’s leaves that were lying around, curled and dried up. These soon sank along with the leaves; whereupon they swam to shore and got new ones. Those who used fresh rose leaves for their boats floated the longest; but for these, they had to fight; because the fairy of the rose bush complained that they were stealing her clothes and bravely defended her property.

“You can’t wear half you’ve got,” said some.

“You can’t wear half of what you have,” some said.

“Never you mind; I don’t choose you to have them: they are my property.”

“Don’t worry about it; I don’t want you to have them: they belong to me.”

“All for the good of the community!” said one, and ran off with a great hollow leaf. But the rose-fairy sprang after him (what a beauty she was! only too like a drawing-room young lady), knocked him heels-over-head as he ran, and recovered her great red leaf. But in the meantime twenty had hurried off in different directions with others just as good; and the little creature sat down and cried, and then, in a pet, sent a perfect pink snowstorm of petals from her tree, leaping from branch to branch, and stamping and shaking and pulling. At last, after another good cry, she chose the biggest she could find, and ran away laughing, to launch her boat amongst the rest.

“All for the good of the community!” said one, and dashed off with a big hollow leaf. But the rose-fairy chased after him (she was stunning! just a bit like an upper-class young lady), knocked him over as he ran, and got her big red leaf back. But in the meantime, twenty others had rushed off in different directions with just as good leaves; and the little creature sat down and cried, and then, feeling frustrated, sent a perfect pink snowstorm of petals from her tree, leaping from branch to branch, stamping, shaking, and pulling. At last, after another good cry, she picked the biggest one she could find and ran away laughing, ready to launch her boat alongside the others.

But my attention was first and chiefly attracted by a group of fairies near the cottage, who were talking together around what seemed a last dying primrose. They talked singing, and their talk made a song, something like this:

But my attention was mainly drawn to a group of fairies near the cottage, who were chatting around what looked like a dying primrose. They spoke in a sing-song way, and their conversation turned into a song, something like this:

“Sister Snowdrop died
    Before we were born.”
“She came like a bride
    In a snowy morn.”
“What’s a bride?”
    “What is snow?
“Never tried.”
    “Do not know.”

“Who told you about her?”
    “Little Primrose there
Cannot do without her.”
    “Oh, so sweetly fair!”
“Never fear,
    She will come,
Primrose dear.”
    “Is she dumb?”

“She’ll come by-and-by.”
    “You will never see her.”
“She went home to die,
    “Till the new year.”
“Snowdrop!” “‘Tis no good
    To invite her.”
“Primrose is very rude,
    “I will bite her.”

“Oh, you naughty Pocket!
    “Look, she drops her head.”
“She deserved it, Rocket,
    “And she was nearly dead.”
“To your hammock—off with you!”
    “And swing alone.”
“No one will laugh with you.”
    “No, not one.”

“Now let us moan.”
    “And cover her o’er.”
“Primrose is gone.”
    “All but the flower.”
“Here is a leaf.”
    “Lay her upon it.”
“Follow in grief.”
    “Pocket has done it.”

“Deeper, poor creature!
    Winter may come.”
“He cannot reach her—
    That is a hum.”
“She is buried, the beauty!”
    “Now she is done.”
“That was the duty.”
    “Now for the fun.”

“Sister Snowdrop died
    Before we were born.”
“She came like a bride
    On a snowy morning.”
“What’s a bride?”
    “What is snow?
“Never tried.”
    “Don’t know.”

“Who told you about her?”
    “Little Primrose there
Can’t live without her.”
    “Oh, so sweetly beautiful!”
“Don’t worry,
    She’ll come,
Primrose dear.”
    “Is she mute?”

“She’ll come eventually.”
    “You’ll never see her.”
“She went home to die,
    “Until the new year.”
“Snowdrop!” “It’s no use
    To invite her.”
“Primrose is being very rude,
    “I’ll bite her.”

“Oh, you naughty Pocket!
    “Look, she lowers her head.”
“She deserved it, Rocket,
    “And she was nearly dead.”
“To your hammock—get going!”
    “And swing alone.”
“No one will laugh with you.”
    “No, not a soul.”

“Now let’s mourn.”
    “And cover her up.”
“Primrose is gone.”
    “All except the flower.”
“Here’s a leaf.”
    “Lay her on it.”
“Follow in sorrow.”
    “Pocket has done it.”

“Deeper, poor thing!
    Winter may come.”
“He can’t reach her—
    That’s a lie.”
“She’s buried, the beauty!”
    “Now she’s gone.”
“That was the duty.”
    “Now for the fun.”

And with a wild laugh they sprang away, most of them towards the cottage. During the latter part of the song-talk, they had formed themselves into a funeral procession, two of them bearing poor Primrose, whose death Pocket had hastened by biting her stalk, upon one of her own great leaves. They bore her solemnly along some distance, and then buried her under a tree. Although I say her I saw nothing but the withered primrose-flower on its long stalk. Pocket, who had been expelled from the company by common consent, went sulkily away towards her hammock, for she was the fairy of the calceolaria, and looked rather wicked. When she reached its stem, she stopped and looked round. I could not help speaking to her, for I stood near her. I said, “Pocket, how could you be so naughty?”

And with a wild laugh, they ran off, most of them heading toward the cottage. During the second half of their song, they formed a funeral procession, with two of them carrying poor Primrose, whose death Pocket had caused by biting her stalk, on one of her own big leaves. They carried her solemnly for a while and then buried her under a tree. Even though I referred to it as her, all I saw was the withered primrose flower on its long stalk. Pocket, who had been excluded from the group by mutual agreement, sulked away toward her hammock, since she was the fairy of the calceolaria and seemed a bit mischievous. When she reached its stem, she paused and looked around. I couldn’t help but speak to her since I was nearby. I said, “Pocket, how could you be so naughty?”

“I am never naughty,” she said, half-crossly, half-defiantly; “only if you come near my hammock, I will bite you, and then you will go away.”

“I’m never naughty,” she said, a bit annoyed and a bit defiantly; “but if you come near my hammock, I’ll bite you, and then you’ll leave.”

“Why did you bite poor Primrose?”

“Why did you bite poor Primrose?”

“Because she said we should never see Snowdrop; as if we were not good enough to look at her, and she was, the proud thing!—served her right!”

“Because she said we should never see Snowdrop; as if we weren’t good enough to look at her, and she was, the proud thing!—she got what she deserved!”

“Oh, Pocket, Pocket,” said I; but by this time the party which had gone towards the house, rushed out again, shouting and screaming with laughter. Half of them were on the cat’s back, and half held on by her fur and tail, or ran beside her; till, more coming to their help, the furious cat was held fast; and they proceeded to pick the sparks out of her with thorns and pins, which they handled like harpoons. Indeed, there were more instruments at work about her than there could have been sparks in her. One little fellow who held on hard by the tip of the tail, with his feet planted on the ground at an angle of forty-five degrees, helping to keep her fast, administered a continuous flow of admonitions to Pussy.

“Oh, Pocket, Pocket,” I said; but by then, the group that had gone toward the house burst out again, laughing and shouting. Half of them were on the cat’s back, while others held onto her fur and tail or ran alongside her. As more kids rushed to help, the angry cat was finally pinned down, and they started picking the sparks out of her with thorns and pins, which they used like harpoons. In fact, there were more tools being used on her than there could have possibly been sparks. One little kid, who was hanging on tightly to the tip of her tail with his feet planted at a forty-five-degree angle to keep her steady, kept shouting a stream of warnings to Pussy.

“Now, Pussy, be patient. You know quite well it is all for your good. You cannot be comfortable with all those sparks in you; and, indeed, I am charitably disposed to believe” (here he became very pompous) “that they are the cause of all your bad temper; so we must have them all out, every one; else we shall be reduced to the painful necessity of cutting your claws, and pulling out your eye-teeth. Quiet! Pussy, quiet!”

“Now, Kitty, be patient. You know it’s all for your own good. You can’t be comfortable with all those sparks inside you; and, honestly, I’m generously inclined to think” (here he got very self-important) “that they’re the reason for all your bad mood; so we need to get them all out, every single one; otherwise, we’ll have to face the tough choice of cutting your claws and pulling out your fangs. Quiet! Kitty, quiet!”

But with a perfect hurricane of feline curses, the poor animal broke loose, and dashed across the garden and through the hedge, faster than even the fairies could follow. “Never mind, never mind, we shall find her again; and by that time she will have laid in a fresh stock of sparks. Hooray!” And off they set, after some new mischief.

But with a total storm of cat curses, the poor animal broke free and raced across the garden and through the hedge, faster than even the fairies could keep up with. “Don't worry, don't worry, we’ll find her again; and by then she’ll have gathered a fresh supply of sparks. Hooray!” And off they went, looking for more trouble.

But I will not linger to enlarge on the amusing display of these frolicsome creatures. Their manners and habits are now so well known to the world, having been so often described by eyewitnesses, that it would be only indulging self-conceit, to add my account in full to the rest. I cannot help wishing, however, that my readers could see them for themselves. Especially do I desire that they should see the fairy of the daisy; a little, chubby, round-eyed child, with such innocent trust in his look! Even the most mischievous of the fairies would not tease him, although he did not belong to their set at all, but was quite a little country bumpkin. He wandered about alone, and looked at everything, with his hands in his little pockets, and a white night-cap on, the darling! He was not so beautiful as many other wild flowers I saw afterwards, but so dear and loving in his looks and little confident ways.

But I won't spend too much time elaborating on the entertaining antics of these playful creatures. Their behaviors and habits are now so well known worldwide, having been described so often by those who have seen them firsthand, that adding my own detailed account would just be a matter of vanity. Still, I really wish my readers could see them for themselves. I especially hope they get to witness the fairy of the daisy; a tiny, chubby, round-eyed child, with such innocent trust in his gaze! Even the cheekiest of fairies wouldn’t tease him, even though he didn’t belong to their group at all; he was just a little country bumpkin. He wandered around by himself, observing everything, with his hands tucked in his little pockets and wearing a white nightcap, the darling! He wasn’t as beautiful as many other wildflowers I would see later, but his looks and confident little ways were so sweet and endearing.

CHAPTER IV

“When bale is att hyest, boote is nyest.”
Ballad of Sir Aldingar.

“When a bale is at its highest, a boat is nearest.”
Ballad of Sir Aldingar.

By this time, my hostess was quite anxious that I should be gone. So, with warm thanks for their hospitality, I took my leave, and went my way through the little garden towards the forest. Some of the garden flowers had wandered into the wood, and were growing here and there along the path, but the trees soon became too thick and shadowy for them. I particularly noticed some tall lilies, which grew on both sides of the way, with large dazzlingly white flowers, set off by the universal green. It was now dark enough for me to see that every flower was shining with a light of its own. Indeed it was by this light that I saw them, an internal, peculiar light, proceeding from each, and not reflected from a common source of light as in the daytime. This light sufficed only for the plant itself, and was not strong enough to cast any but the faintest shadows around it, or to illuminate any of the neighbouring objects with other than the faintest tinge of its own individual hue. From the lilies above mentioned, from the campanulas, from the foxgloves, and every bell-shaped flower, curious little figures shot up their heads, peeped at me, and drew back. They seemed to inhabit them, as snails their shells; but I was sure some of them were intruders, and belonged to the gnomes or goblin-fairies, who inhabit the ground and earthy creeping plants. From the cups of Arum lilies, creatures with great heads and grotesque faces shot up like Jack-in-the-box, and made grimaces at me; or rose slowly and slily over the edge of the cup, and spouted water at me, slipping suddenly back, like those little soldier-crabs that inhabit the shells of sea-snails. Passing a row of tall thistles, I saw them crowded with little faces, which peeped every one from behind its flower, and drew back as quickly; and I heard them saying to each other, evidently intending me to hear, but the speaker always hiding behind his tuft, when I looked in his direction, “Look at him! Look at him! He has begun a story without a beginning, and it will never have any end. He! he! he! Look at him!”

By this point, my hostess was pretty anxious for me to leave. So, with heartfelt thanks for their hospitality, I said my goodbyes and made my way through the little garden toward the forest. Some of the garden flowers had crept into the woods, growing here and there along the path, but soon the trees became too thick and shadowy for them. I particularly noticed some tall lilies growing on both sides of the path, with large, dazzling white flowers contrasting beautifully against the greenery. It was dark enough now for me to see that each flower was glowing with its own light. In fact, it was this light that allowed me to see them—a unique, internal glow coming from each one, not reflected from a common light source as during the day. This light was just enough for the plants themselves and didn’t cast anything but the faintest shadows around them, nor did it illuminate the nearby objects with anything other than a slight hint of their own individual color. From the aforementioned lilies, campanulas, foxgloves, and every bell-shaped flower, curious little figures popped up, peered at me, and then quickly hid. They seemed to live in the flowers, like snails in their shells; but I was sure some of them were intruders, belonging to the gnomes or goblin-fairies that inhabit the ground and earthy creeping plants. From the cups of Arum lilies, creatures with big heads and funny faces sprang up like Jack-in-the-boxes, making grimaces at me; or they slowly and stealthily peeked over the edge of the cup and splashed water at me, popping back down like those little soldier crabs that live in sea-snail shells. As I passed a row of tall thistles, I spotted them filled with little faces, each one peeking out from behind its flower and retreating just as fast. I heard them whispering to each other, clearly intending for me to hear, but the speaker always hiding behind his tuft whenever I looked his way, saying, “Look at him! Look at him! He’s started a story without a beginning, and it will never have an end. He! He! He! Look at him!”

But as I went further into the wood, these sights and sounds became fewer, giving way to others of a different character. A little forest of wild hyacinths was alive with exquisite creatures, who stood nearly motionless, with drooping necks, holding each by the stem of her flower, and swaying gently with it, whenever a low breath of wind swung the crowded floral belfry. In like manner, though differing of course in form and meaning, stood a group of harebells, like little angels waiting, ready, till they were wanted to go on some yet unknown message. In darker nooks, by the mossy roots of the trees, or in little tufts of grass, each dwelling in a globe of its own green light, weaving a network of grass and its shadows, glowed the glowworms.

But as I went deeper into the woods, these sights and sounds became fewer, replaced by others that felt different. A small patch of wild hyacinths was buzzing with delicate creatures, who stood almost still, with their heads bowed, each holding onto the stem of her flower, gently swaying with it whenever a light breeze moved through the clustered floral bell tower. Similarly, although different in appearance and meaning, a group of harebells stood like little angels waiting, ready to take off on some unknown mission. In darker corners, around the mossy roots of trees or in small clusters of grass, each glowing within its own sphere of green light, glowworms sparkled as they wove a network of grass and shadows.

They were just like the glowworms of our own land, for they are fairies everywhere; worms in the day, and glowworms at night, when their own can appear, and they can be themselves to others as well as themselves. But they had their enemies here. For I saw great strong-armed beetles, hurrying about with most unwieldy haste, awkward as elephant-calves, looking apparently for glowworms; for the moment a beetle espied one, through what to it was a forest of grass, or an underwood of moss, it pounced upon it, and bore it away, in spite of its feeble resistance. Wondering what their object could be, I watched one of the beetles, and then I discovered a thing I could not account for. But it is no use trying to account for things in Fairy Land; and one who travels there soon learns to forget the very idea of doing so, and takes everything as it comes; like a child, who, being in a chronic condition of wonder, is surprised at nothing. What I saw was this. Everywhere, here and there over the ground, lay little, dark-looking lumps of something more like earth than anything else, and about the size of a chestnut. The beetles hunted in couples for these; and having found one, one of them stayed to watch it, while the other hurried to find a glowworm. By signals, I presume, between them, the latter soon found his companion again: they then took the glowworm and held its luminous tail to the dark earthly pellet; when lo, it shot up into the air like a sky-rocket, seldom, however, reaching the height of the highest tree. Just like a rocket too, it burst in the air, and fell in a shower of the most gorgeously coloured sparks of every variety of hue; golden and red, and purple and green, and blue and rosy fires crossed and inter-crossed each other, beneath the shadowy heads, and between the columnar stems of the forest trees. They never used the same glowworm twice, I observed; but let him go, apparently uninjured by the use they had made of him.

They were just like the glowworms in our own land, because they are fairies everywhere; worms during the day, and glowworms at night, when they can be themselves around others as well as to themselves. But they had their enemies here. I saw big, strong beetles, rushing around with clumsy urgency, awkward like young elephants, seemingly searching for glowworms. The moment a beetle spotted one, through what to it was a forest of grass or a patch of moss, it pounced on it and carried it away, despite its weak attempts to resist. Curious about their purpose, I watched one of the beetles and noticed something I couldn't explain. But it’s pointless trying to make sense of things in Fairy Land; anyone who visits there quickly learns to forget about doing that and just accepts everything as it is, like a child who, in a constant state of wonder, isn’t surprised by anything. What I observed was this: everywhere, little dark clumps of something that looked more like dirt than anything else, about the size of a chestnut, were scattered across the ground. The beetles searched in pairs for these; after finding one, one of them stayed to keep watch while the other hurried off to look for a glowworm. By signals, I guess, they quickly found their way back to each other: they then took the glowworm and held its glowing tail to the dark little clump; then, suddenly, it shot up into the air like a firework, rarely reaching the height of the tallest trees. Just like a rocket, it exploded in the air, showering down brilliantly colored sparks of every kind; golden, red, purple, green, and blue sparks swirled and crossed each other beneath the shadowy tree tops and around the tall trunks of the forest trees. I noticed they never used the same glowworm twice but let him go, seemingly unharmed by their use of him.

In other parts, the whole of the immediately surrounding foliage was illuminated by the interwoven dances in the air of splendidly coloured fire-flies, which sped hither and thither, turned, twisted, crossed, and recrossed, entwining every complexity of intervolved motion. Here and there, whole mighty trees glowed with an emitted phosphorescent light. You could trace the very course of the great roots in the earth by the faint light that came through; and every twig, and every vein on every leaf was a streak of pale fire.

In other areas, the entire surrounding foliage was lit up by the colorful dance of fireflies, which zipped around, turning, twisting, crossing, and recrossing in a complex interplay of movement. Here and there, massive trees glowed with an eerie phosphorescent light. You could see the path of the large roots in the ground illuminated by the soft glow, and every twig and every vein on every leaf shimmered like a faint flame.

All this time, as I went through the wood, I was haunted with the feeling that other shapes, more like my own size and mien, were moving about at a little distance on all sides of me. But as yet I could discern none of them, although the moon was high enough to send a great many of her rays down between the trees, and these rays were unusually bright, and sight-giving, notwithstanding she was only a half-moon. I constantly imagined, however, that forms were visible in all directions except that to which my gaze was turned; and that they only became invisible, or resolved themselves into other woodland shapes, the moment my looks were directed towards them. However this may have been, except for this feeling of presence, the woods seemed utterly bare of anything like human companionship, although my glance often fell on some object which I fancied to be a human form; for I soon found that I was quite deceived; as, the moment I fixed my regard on it, it showed plainly that it was a bush, or a tree, or a rock.

All this time, as I walked through the woods, I felt like there were other shapes, similar in size and appearance to me, moving around a little distance away on all sides. But I couldn't see any of them, even though the moon was high enough to shine many bright rays down between the trees, which were unusually clear and illuminating, despite it being just a half-moon. I constantly imagined that forms were visible in every direction except the one I was looking at; they seemed to disappear or turn into other woodland shapes the moment I turned my gaze toward them. Regardless of the reason, aside from this feeling of presence, the woods felt completely empty of anything resembling human companionship, although I often caught sight of something I thought was a human form; I soon realized I was mistaken, as the moment I focused on it, it clearly turned out to be a bush, a tree, or a rock.

Soon a vague sense of discomfort possessed me. With variations of relief, this gradually increased; as if some evil thing were wandering about in my neighbourhood, sometimes nearer and sometimes further off, but still approaching. The feeling continued and deepened, until all my pleasure in the shows of various kinds that everywhere betokened the presence of the merry fairies vanished by degrees, and left me full of anxiety and fear, which I was unable to associate with any definite object whatever. At length the thought crossed my mind with horror: “Can it be possible that the Ash is looking for me? or that, in his nightly wanderings, his path is gradually verging towards mine?” I comforted myself, however, by remembering that he had started quite in another direction; one that would lead him, if he kept it, far apart from me; especially as, for the last two or three hours, I had been diligently journeying eastward. I kept on my way, therefore, striving by direct effort of the will against the encroaching fear; and to this end occupying my mind, as much as I could, with other thoughts. I was so far successful that, although I was conscious, if I yielded for a moment, I should be almost overwhelmed with horror, I was yet able to walk right on for an hour or more. What I feared I could not tell. Indeed, I was left in a state of the vaguest uncertainty as regarded the nature of my enemy, and knew not the mode or object of his attacks; for, somehow or other, none of my questions had succeeded in drawing a definite answer from the dame in the cottage. How then to defend myself I knew not; nor even by what sign I might with certainty recognise the presence of my foe; for as yet this vague though powerful fear was all the indication of danger I had. To add to my distress, the clouds in the west had risen nearly to the top of the skies, and they and the moon were travelling slowly towards each other. Indeed, some of their advanced guard had already met her, and she had begun to wade through a filmy vapour that gradually deepened.

Soon, a vague sense of discomfort took over me. With fluctuations of relief, this feeling gradually intensified; as if some evil presence were lurking nearby, sometimes closer and sometimes further away, but always moving closer. The sensation persisted and grew stronger, until all my enjoyment of the various shows that signified the presence of cheerful fairies slowly faded away, leaving me filled with anxiety and fear, which I couldn’t connect to anything specific. Eventually, a horrifying thought crossed my mind: “Could it be that the Ash is searching for me? Or that, in his nightly wanderings, his path is slowly converging with mine?” I reassured myself by recalling that he had gone in a completely different direction; one that would take him, if he continued, far away from me; especially since, for the last two or three hours, I had been steadily heading east. So, I continued on my path, trying to fight against the creeping fear with sheer willpower, and to achieve this, I focused my mind as much as I could on other thoughts. I managed to be so successful that, even though I was aware that if I gave in for just a moment, I would be nearly overwhelmed by horror, I was still able to walk on for an hour or more. What I feared, I couldn't say. In fact, I was left in a state of vague uncertainty regarding the nature of my adversary, and I didn’t know the method or purpose of his attacks; somehow, none of my questions had managed to elicit a clear answer from the woman in the cottage. So, I didn’t know how to protect myself; nor even by what signs I could surely recognize the presence of my foe; for so far, this vague yet powerful fear was all I had to indicate danger. To make matters worse, the clouds in the west had risen nearly to the top of the sky, and they and the moon were slowly moving towards each other. Indeed, some of their scouts had already encountered her, and she had begun to wade through a thin haze that gradually thickened.

At length she was for a moment almost entirely obscured. When she shone out again, with a brilliancy increased by the contrast, I saw plainly on the path before me—from around which at this spot the trees receded, leaving a small space of green sward—the shadow of a large hand, with knotty joints and protuberances here and there. Especially I remarked, even in the midst of my fear, the bulbous points of the fingers. I looked hurriedly all around, but could see nothing from which such a shadow should fall. Now, however, that I had a direction, however undetermined, in which to project my apprehension, the very sense of danger and need of action overcame that stifling which is the worst property of fear. I reflected in a moment, that if this were indeed a shadow, it was useless to look for the object that cast it in any other direction than between the shadow and the moon. I looked, and peered, and intensified my vision, all to no purpose. I could see nothing of that kind, not even an ash-tree in the neighbourhood. Still the shadow remained; not steady, but moving to and fro, and once I saw the fingers close, and grind themselves close, like the claws of a wild animal, as if in uncontrollable longing for some anticipated prey. There seemed but one mode left of discovering the substance of this shadow. I went forward boldly, though with an inward shudder which I would not heed, to the spot where the shadow lay, threw myself on the ground, laid my head within the form of the hand, and turned my eyes towards the moon. Good heavens! what did I see? I wonder that ever I arose, and that the very shadow of the hand did not hold me where I lay until fear had frozen my brain. I saw the strangest figure; vague, shadowy, almost transparent, in the central parts, and gradually deepening in substance towards the outside, until it ended in extremities capable of casting such a shadow as fell from the hand, through the awful fingers of which I now saw the moon. The hand was uplifted in the attitude of a paw about to strike its prey. But the face, which throbbed with fluctuating and pulsatory visibility—not from changes in the light it reflected, but from changes in its own conditions of reflecting power, the alterations being from within, not from without—it was horrible. I do not know how to describe it. It caused a new sensation. Just as one cannot translate a horrible odour, or a ghastly pain, or a fearful sound, into words, so I cannot describe this new form of awful hideousness. I can only try to describe something that is not it, but seems somewhat parallel to it; or at least is suggested by it. It reminded me of what I had heard of vampires; for the face resembled that of a corpse more than anything else I can think of; especially when I can conceive such a face in motion, but not suggesting any life as the source of the motion. The features were rather handsome than otherwise, except the mouth, which had scarcely a curve in it. The lips were of equal thickness; but the thickness was not at all remarkable, even although they looked slightly swollen. They seemed fixedly open, but were not wide apart. Of course I did not remark these lineaments at the time: I was too horrified for that. I noted them afterwards, when the form returned on my inward sight with a vividness too intense to admit of my doubting the accuracy of the reflex. But the most awful of the features were the eyes. These were alive, yet not with life.

At last, she was for a moment almost completely hidden. When she reappeared, shining more brightly due to the contrast, I clearly saw on the path in front of me—where the trees pulled back, leaving a small patch of green grass—the shadow of a large hand, with knobby joints and bumps here and there. I particularly noticed, even amid my fear, the rounded tips of the fingers. I quickly scanned my surroundings but couldn't see anything that would cast such a shadow. Now, however, having an idea, however vague, of where to direct my fear, the overwhelming sense of danger and the need to act pushed away the suffocating dread that comes with fear. I quickly realized that if this was indeed a shadow, there was no point in looking for whatever cast it anywhere else but between the shadow and the moon. I strained to see, but to no avail. I couldn’t spot anything like that, not even an ash tree nearby. Yet the shadow remained; it wasn't still, but moved back and forth, and once I even saw the fingers close in tightly, like a wild animal’s claws, as if yearning for some expected prey. It seemed there was only one way left to discover what was causing this shadow. I moved forward, boldly yet shuddering inside, to the spot where the shadow lay, threw myself on the ground, placed my head within the palm of the hand, and turned my eyes to the moon. Good heavens! What did I see? I’m surprised I even got up, and that the shadow of the hand didn't keep me there until fear froze my mind. I saw the strangest figure; vague, shadowy, almost transparent in the middle, gradually becoming more solid towards the edges until it ended in extremities capable of casting such a shadow as the hand, through the terrifying fingers of which I now saw the moon. The hand was raised like a paw about to strike its prey. But the face, which pulsed with shifting visibility—not from changes in the light it reflected but from changes in its own ability to reflect light, the variations coming from within, not from without—was horrendous. I don’t know how to describe it. It created a new sensation. Just as one cannot translate a foul odor, a horrible pain, or a frightening sound into words, I can’t capture this new form of dreadful ugliness. I can only attempt to describe something that isn’t it but seems somewhat similar, or at least is prompted by it. It reminded me of what I had heard about vampires; the face resembled a corpse more than anything else I can think of; especially when I can imagine such a face in motion, but without suggesting any life as the source of that motion. The features were somewhat attractive, except for the mouth, which barely curved at all. The lips were of equal thickness, but that thickness wasn't remarkable, even though they looked slightly swollen. They appeared fixedly open, but not wide apart. Of course, I didn’t notice these details at the time: I was too horrified for that. I recalled them later when the form returned to my mind with such vividness that I couldn’t doubt the accuracy of what I had seen. But the most terrifying feature was the eyes. They were alive, yet not with life.

They seemed lighted up with an infinite greed. A gnawing voracity, which devoured the devourer, seemed to be the indwelling and propelling power of the whole ghostly apparition. I lay for a few moments simply imbruted with terror; when another cloud, obscuring the moon, delivered me from the immediately paralysing effects of the presence to the vision of the object of horror, while it added the force of imagination to the power of fear within me; inasmuch as, knowing far worse cause for apprehension than before, I remained equally ignorant from what I had to defend myself, or how to take any precautions: he might be upon me in the darkness any moment. I sprang to my feet, and sped I knew not whither, only away from the spectre. I thought no longer of the path, and often narrowly escaped dashing myself against a tree, in my headlong flight of fear.

They seemed filled with an endless greed. A gnawing hunger, which consumed the consumer, seemed to be the driving force behind the entire ghostly figure. I lay there for a few moments paralyzed with fear; then another cloud, blocking the moon, freed me from the immediate paralyzing effects of the terrifying presence, while also heightening my imagination and fear; since I knew there was an even worse reason to be scared than before, yet I remained completely unaware of what I had to defend myself against or how to take any precautions: he could be right beside me in the darkness at any moment. I jumped to my feet and ran, I didn't know where, just away from the specter. I no longer thought about the path and often barely avoided crashing into a tree in my frantic flight of fear.

Great drops of rain began to patter on the leaves. Thunder began to mutter, then growl in the distance. I ran on. The rain fell heavier. At length the thick leaves could hold it up no longer; and, like a second firmament, they poured their torrents on the earth. I was soon drenched, but that was nothing. I came to a small swollen stream that rushed through the woods. I had a vague hope that if I crossed this stream, I should be in safety from my pursuer; but I soon found that my hope was as false as it was vague. I dashed across the stream, ascended a rising ground, and reached a more open space, where stood only great trees. Through them I directed my way, holding eastward as nearly as I could guess, but not at all certain that I was not moving in an opposite direction. My mind was just reviving a little from its extreme terror, when, suddenly, a flash of lightning, or rather a cataract of successive flashes, behind me, seemed to throw on the ground in front of me, but far more faintly than before, from the extent of the source of the light, the shadow of the same horrible hand. I sprang forward, stung to yet wilder speed; but had not run many steps before my foot slipped, and, vainly attempting to recover myself, I fell at the foot of one of the large trees. Half-stunned, I yet raised myself, and almost involuntarily looked back. All I saw was the hand within three feet of my face. But, at the same moment, I felt two large soft arms thrown round me from behind; and a voice like a woman’s said: “Do not fear the goblin; he dares not hurt you now.” With that, the hand was suddenly withdrawn as from a fire, and disappeared in the darkness and the rain. Overcome with the mingling of terror and joy, I lay for some time almost insensible. The first thing I remember is the sound of a voice above me, full and low, and strangely reminding me of the sound of a gentle wind amidst the leaves of a great tree. It murmured over and over again: “I may love him, I may love him; for he is a man, and I am only a beech-tree.” I found I was seated on the ground, leaning against a human form, and supported still by the arms around me, which I knew to be those of a woman who must be rather above the human size, and largely proportioned. I turned my head, but without moving otherwise, for I feared lest the arms should untwine themselves; and clear, somewhat mournful eyes met mine. At least that is how they impressed me; but I could see very little of colour or outline as we sat in the dark and rainy shadow of the tree. The face seemed very lovely, and solemn from its stillness; with the aspect of one who is quite content, but waiting for something. I saw my conjecture from her arms was correct: she was above the human scale throughout, but not greatly.

Great drops of rain started to patter on the leaves. Thunder began to rumble in the distance. I kept running. The rain got heavier. Eventually, the thick leaves couldn’t hold it any longer; like a second sky, they unleashed their torrents upon the earth. I was quickly soaked, but that didn’t matter. I came to a small, swollen stream rushing through the woods. I vaguely hoped that if I crossed it, I would be safe from my pursuer; but I quickly realized my hope was as unfounded as it was vague. I dashed across the stream, ascended a rising hill, and reached a more open area filled only with large trees. I made my way through them, trying to head east as best as I could guess, but I wasn’t at all sure I wasn’t going in the opposite direction. My mind was just starting to clear a bit from its intense fear when suddenly, a flash of lightning, or rather a cascade of successive flashes behind me, seemed to project the shadow of that same horrible hand onto the ground in front of me, though far more faintly due to the distance. I sprinted forward, driven to even greater speed, but had barely run a few steps before my foot slipped, and as I tried to recover, I fell at the base of one of the large trees. Half-stunned, I managed to raise myself and almost instinctively looked back. All I saw was the hand just three feet from my face. But at that moment, I felt two large, soft arms wrap around me from behind, and a voice like a woman’s said, “Don’t be afraid of the goblin; he can’t hurt you now.” With that, the hand quickly retreated as if from a fire and vanished into the darkness and the rain. Overwhelmed by the mix of terror and relief, I lay there for a while almost unconscious. The first thing I remember is the sound of a voice above me, soft and low, strangely reminiscent of a gentle wind rustling through the leaves of a big tree. It repeated over and over, “I may love him, I may love him; for he is a man, and I am just a beech tree.” I discovered I was sitting on the ground, leaning against a human figure, still supported by those arms around me, which I recognized belonged to a woman who must be somewhat taller and larger than usual. I turned my head, but didn’t move otherwise because I was afraid the arms would loosen; and then I met her clear, somewhat sorrowful eyes. At least that’s how they struck me; but I could hardly see any color or detail as we sat in the dark, rainy shadow of the tree. Her face appeared very lovely and serious from its stillness; she seemed content yet waiting for something. My guess about her long arms turned out to be correct: she was generally above human proportions, but not by much.

“Why do you call yourself a beech-tree?” I said.

“Why do you call yourself a beech tree?” I asked.

“Because I am one,” she replied, in the same low, musical, murmuring voice.

“Because I am one,” she replied, in the same soft, melodic, murmuring voice.

“You are a woman,” I returned.

“You're a woman,” I said.

“Do you think so? Am I very like a woman then?”

“Do you really think so? Am I that much like a woman?”

“You are a very beautiful woman. Is it possible you should not know it?”

“You're a really beautiful woman. Is it possible you don't realize it?”

“I am very glad you think so. I fancy I feel like a woman sometimes. I do so to-night—and always when the rain drips from my hair. For there is an old prophecy in our woods that one day we shall all be men and women like you. Do you know anything about it in your region? Shall I be very happy when I am a woman? I fear not, for it is always in nights like these that I feel like one. But I long to be a woman for all that.”

“I’m really glad you think that. Sometimes I feel like a woman. I do tonight—and especially when the rain drips from my hair. There’s an old prophecy in our woods that one day we’ll all be men and women like you. Do you know anything about it in your area? Will I be really happy when I become a woman? I’m not so sure, because it’s always on nights like this that I feel that way. But I still yearn to be a woman, regardless.”

I had let her talk on, for her voice was like a solution of all musical sounds. I now told her that I could hardly say whether women were happy or not. I knew one who had not been happy; and for my part, I had often longed for Fairy Land, as she now longed for the world of men. But then neither of us had lived long, and perhaps people grew happier as they grew older. Only I doubted it.

I let her keep talking because her voice was like the perfect blend of all musical sounds. I told her that I could barely say if women were happy or not. I knew one who definitely wasn't, and I often wished for a magical world, just like she now wanted to be part of the men's world. But neither of us had experienced much of life yet, and maybe people became happier as they got older. Still, I wasn’t so sure about that.

I could not help sighing. She felt the sigh, for her arms were still round me. She asked me how old I was.

I couldn't help but sigh. She felt it, since her arms were still around me. She asked me how old I was.

“Twenty-one,” said I.

"Twenty-one," I said.

“Why, you baby!” said she, and kissed me with the sweetest kiss of winds and odours. There was a cool faithfulness in the kiss that revived my heart wonderfully. I felt that I feared the dreadful Ash no more.

“Why, you baby!” she said, kissing me with the sweetest mix of breezes and scents. There was a refreshing sincerity in the kiss that brought my heart back to life. I realized I no longer feared the terrifying Ash.

“What did the horrible Ash want with me?” I said.

“What did that awful Ash want with me?” I said.

“I am not quite sure, but I think he wants to bury you at the foot of his tree. But he shall not touch you, my child.”

“I’m not completely sure, but I think he wants to bury you at the base of his tree. But he won’t lay a finger on you, my child.”

“Are all the ash-trees as dreadful as he?”

“Are all the ash trees as awful as he is?”

“Oh, no. They are all disagreeable selfish creatures—(what horrid men they will make, if it be true!)—but this one has a hole in his heart that nobody knows of but one or two; and he is always trying to fill it up, but he cannot. That must be what he wanted you for. I wonder if he will ever be a man. If he is, I hope they will kill him.”

“Oh, no. They are all unpleasant, self-centered people—(what terrible men they will turn out to be, if that’s true!)—but this one has a hole in his heart that only a few people know about; and he’s always trying to fill it, but he can’t. That must be why he wanted you. I wonder if he will ever become a man. If he does, I hope they’ll get rid of him.”

“How kind of you to save me from him!”

“How nice of you to rescue me from him!”

“I will take care that he shall not come near you again. But there are some in the wood more like me, from whom, alas! I cannot protect you. Only if you see any of them very beautiful, try to walk round them.”

“I'll make sure he doesn't come near you again. But there are others in the woods who are just like me, and unfortunately, I can't protect you from them. If you see any of them who are very beautiful, just try to walk around them.”

“What then?”

"What's next?"

“I cannot tell you more. But now I must tie some of my hair about you, and then the Ash will not touch you. Here, cut some off. You men have strange cutting things about you.”

“I can’t say more. But now I have to tie some of my hair around you, and then the Ash won’t harm you. Here, cut some off. You guys have really odd cutting tools.”

She shook her long hair loose over me, never moving her arms.

She let her long hair fall over me, without moving her arms.

“I cannot cut your beautiful hair. It would be a shame.”

"I can't cut your beautiful hair. That would be a shame."

“Not cut my hair! It will have grown long enough before any is wanted again in this wild forest. Perhaps it may never be of any use again—not till I am a woman.” And she sighed.

“Not cut my hair! It will have grown long enough before anyone wants it again in this wild forest. Maybe it will never be useful again—not until I am an adult.” And she sighed.

As gently as I could, I cut with a knife a long tress of flowing, dark hair, she hanging her beautiful head over me. When I had finished, she shuddered and breathed deep, as one does when an acute pain, steadfastly endured without sign of suffering, is at length relaxed. She then took the hair and tied it round me, singing a strange, sweet song, which I could not understand, but which left in me a feeling like this—

As gently as I could, I sliced a long strand of flowing, dark hair with a knife, her beautiful head bent over me. When I finished, she shuddered and took a deep breath, just like someone does when a sharp pain that they’ve quietly endured finally eases. She then tied the hair around me, singing a strange, sweet song that I couldn’t understand, but it left me feeling like this—

“I saw thee ne’er before;
I see thee never more;
But love, and help, and pain, beautiful one,
Have made thee mine, till all my years are done.”

“I've never seen you before;
I won't see you again;
But love, and help, and pain, beautiful one,
Have made you mine, until my years are over.”

I cannot put more of it into words. She closed her arms about me again, and went on singing. The rain in the leaves, and a light wind that had arisen, kept her song company. I was wrapt in a trance of still delight. It told me the secret of the woods, and the flowers, and the birds. At one time I felt as if I was wandering in childhood through sunny spring forests, over carpets of primroses, anemones, and little white starry things—I had almost said creatures, and finding new wonderful flowers at every turn. At another, I lay half dreaming in the hot summer noon, with a book of old tales beside me, beneath a great beech; or, in autumn, grew sad because I trod on the leaves that had sheltered me, and received their last blessing in the sweet odours of decay; or, in a winter evening, frozen still, looked up, as I went home to a warm fireside, through the netted boughs and twigs to the cold, snowy moon, with her opal zone around her. At last I had fallen asleep; for I know nothing more that passed till I found myself lying under a superb beech-tree, in the clear light of the morning, just before sunrise. Around me was a girdle of fresh beech-leaves. Alas! I brought nothing with me out of Fairy Land, but memories—memories. The great boughs of the beech hung drooping around me. At my head rose its smooth stem, with its great sweeps of curving surface that swelled like undeveloped limbs. The leaves and branches above kept on the song which had sung me asleep; only now, to my mind, it sounded like a farewell and a speedwell. I sat a long time, unwilling to go; but my unfinished story urged me on. I must act and wander. With the sun well risen, I rose, and put my arms as far as they would reach around the beech-tree, and kissed it, and said good-bye. A trembling went through the leaves; a few of the last drops of the night’s rain fell from off them at my feet; and as I walked slowly away, I seemed to hear in a whisper once more the words: “I may love him, I may love him; for he is a man, and I am only a beech-tree.”

I can't express it any better. She wrapped her arms around me again and continued singing. The rain on the leaves and a light breeze that had picked up accompanied her song. I was lost in a blissful trance. It revealed the secrets of the woods, the flowers, and the birds. At one moment, I felt like I was wandering through childhood in sunny spring forests, walking over carpets of primroses, anemones, and tiny white star-like flowers—I almost called them creatures—discovering new and amazing flowers at every turn. Then, I was half-dreaming during a hot summer afternoon, with a book of old stories beside me, under a big beech; or in autumn, feeling sad because I stepped on the leaves that had once sheltered me, receiving their final blessing in the sweet scents of decay; or on a winter evening, frozen still, looking up as I walked home to a cozy fireside, through the interwoven branches and twigs to the cold, snowy moon, with her opalescent ring around her. Eventually, I fell asleep; I remember nothing more until I found myself lying under a magnificent beech tree in the clear light of the morning, just before sunrise. I was surrounded by a circle of fresh beech leaves. Sadly, I brought nothing back from Fairy Land except memories—memories. The great branches of the beech drooped around me. At my head stood its smooth trunk, with its large, sweeping curves that looked like undeveloped limbs. The leaves and branches above continued the song that had lulled me to sleep; but now, in my mind, it sounded like a farewell and a wish for safe travels. I sat for a long time, reluctant to leave; but my unfinished story pushed me to move on. I had to act and explore. With the sun fully risen, I stood up, reached out my arms as far as I could around the beech tree, kissed it, and said goodbye. A shiver ran through the leaves; a few drops of the night's rain fell at my feet; and as I walked away slowly, I thought I heard a whisper once more: “I may love him, I may love him; for he is a man, and I am just a beech tree.”

CHAPTER V

“And she was smooth and full, as if one gush
Of life had washed her, or as if a sleep
Lay on her eyelid, easier to sweep
Than bee from daisy.”
          BEDDOESPygmalion.

“Sche was as whyt as lylye yn May,
Or snow that sneweth yn wynterys day.”
          Romance of Sir Launfal.

“And she was soft and rounded, as if a wave
Of life had flowed over her, or as if a gentle sleep
Rested on her eyelid, easier to remove
Than a bee from a daisy.”
          BEDDOESPygmalion.

“She was as white as a lily in May,
Or the snow that falls on a winter's day.”
          Romance of Sir Launfal.

I walked on, in the fresh morning air, as if new-born. The only thing that damped my pleasure was a cloud of something between sorrow and delight that crossed my mind with the frequently returning thought of my last night’s hostess. “But then,” thought I, “if she is sorry, I could not help it; and she has all the pleasures she ever had. Such a day as this is surely a joy to her, as much at least as to me. And her life will perhaps be the richer, for holding now within it the memory of what came, but could not stay. And if ever she is a woman, who knows but we may meet somewhere? there is plenty of room for meeting in the universe.” Comforting myself thus, yet with a vague compunction, as if I ought not to have left her, I went on. There was little to distinguish the woods to-day from those of my own land; except that all the wild things, rabbits, birds, squirrels, mice, and the numberless other inhabitants, were very tame; that is, they did not run away from me, but gazed at me as I passed, frequently coming nearer, as if to examine me more closely. Whether this came from utter ignorance, or from familiarity with the human appearance of beings who never hurt them, I could not tell. As I stood once, looking up to the splendid flower of a parasite, which hung from the branch of a tree over my head, a large white rabbit cantered slowly up, put one of its little feet on one of mine, and looked up at me with its red eyes, just as I had been looking up at the flower above me. I stooped and stroked it; but when I attempted to lift it, it banged the ground with its hind feet and scampered off at a great rate, turning, however, to look at me several times before I lost sight of it. Now and then, too, a dim human figure would appear and disappear, at some distance, amongst the trees, moving like a sleep-walker. But no one ever came near me.

I walked on in the fresh morning air, feeling brand new. The only thing that dampened my enjoyment was a mix of sadness and happiness that crossed my mind with the recurring thought of my hostess from last night. “But then,” I thought, “if she is upset, I can't do anything about it; and she still has all the joys she ever had. A day like this must be a joy for her too, at least as much as it is for me. And her life might actually be richer for now holding the memory of what happened, even if it couldn’t last. And if she really is a woman, who knows, maybe we'll meet again someday? There’s plenty of room for that in the universe.” Comforting myself like this, yet with a vague sense of guilt, as if I shouldn’t have left her, I continued on. There was little to set the woods apart today from those in my own country; except that all the wild creatures—rabbits, birds, squirrels, mice, and countless others—were very tame; they didn't run away from me, but watched me as I passed, often getting closer as if to check me out. I couldn’t tell if this was due to complete ignorance or from being used to the human appearance of beings that never harmed them. As I stood there looking up at the magnificent flower of a vine hanging from a branch above me, a large white rabbit slowly cantered up, put one of its little feet on mine, and gazed up at me with its red eyes, just as I had been looking up at the flower. I bent down to stroke it; but when I tried to pick it up, it thumped the ground with its hind feet and darted away quickly, though it turned back to look at me several times before disappearing. Now and then a vague human figure would appear and disappear in the distance among the trees, moving like a sleepwalker. But no one ever came close to me.

This day I found plenty of food in the forest—strange nuts and fruits I had never seen before. I hesitated to eat them; but argued that, if I could live on the air of Fairy Land, I could live on its food also. I found my reasoning correct, and the result was better than I had hoped; for it not only satisfied my hunger, but operated in such a way upon my senses that I was brought into far more complete relationship with the things around me. The human forms appeared much more dense and defined; more tangibly visible, if I may say so. I seemed to know better which direction to choose when any doubt arose. I began to feel in some degree what the birds meant in their songs, though I could not express it in words, any more than you can some landscapes. At times, to my surprise, I found myself listening attentively, and as if it were no unusual thing with me, to a conversation between two squirrels or monkeys. The subjects were not very interesting, except as associated with the individual life and necessities of the little creatures: where the best nuts were to be found in the neighbourhood, and who could crack them best, or who had most laid up for the winter, and such like; only they never said where the store was. There was no great difference in kind between their talk and our ordinary human conversation. Some of the creatures I never heard speak at all, and believe they never do so, except under the impulse of some great excitement. The mice talked; but the hedgehogs seemed very phlegmatic; and though I met a couple of moles above ground several times, they never said a word to each other in my hearing. There were no wild beasts in the forest; at least, I did not see one larger than a wild cat. There were plenty of snakes, however, and I do not think they were all harmless; but none ever bit me.

Today, I came across a lot of food in the forest—strange nuts and fruits I had never seen before. I hesitated to eat them but reasoned that if I could survive on the air of Fairy Land, I could survive on its food too. I found my reasoning to be correct, and the outcome was better than I had hoped; it not only satisfied my hunger but also affected my senses in a way that made me feel more connected to everything around me. The human figures appeared much more solid and defined; more visibly tangible, if that makes sense. I seemed to have a better sense of direction when any uncertainty arose. I started to understand, to some extent, what the birds were expressing in their songs, even though I couldn't put it into words, just like you can't always describe certain landscapes. Occasionally, to my surprise, I found myself intently listening to a conversation between two squirrels or monkeys, as if it was totally normal for me. Their topics weren’t that fascinating, except in relation to the individual lives and needs of the little creatures: where to find the best nuts nearby, who could crack them best, or who had stored the most for winter, and so on; but they never mentioned where the stash was. There wasn't much difference in the way they talked compared to our usual human conversations. Some creatures I never heard speak at all, and I believe they only do so when they’re really excited. The mice talked; however, the hedgehogs seemed rather indifferent. Even though I came across a couple of moles above ground several times, they never exchanged a word in my presence. There weren't any wild animals in the forest; at least, I didn’t see anything bigger than a wild cat. There were plenty of snakes, though, and I suspect not all were friendly, but none ever bit me.

Soon after mid-day I arrived at a bare rocky hill, of no great size, but very steep; and having no trees—scarcely even a bush—upon it, entirely exposed to the heat of the sun. Over this my way seemed to lie, and I immediately began the ascent. On reaching the top, hot and weary, I looked around me, and saw that the forest still stretched as far as the sight could reach on every side of me. I observed that the trees, in the direction in which I was about to descend, did not come so near the foot of the hill as on the other side, and was especially regretting the unexpected postponement of shelter, because this side of the hill seemed more difficult to descend than the other had been to climb, when my eye caught the appearance of a natural path, winding down through broken rocks and along the course of a tiny stream, which I hoped would lead me more easily to the foot. I tried it, and found the descent not at all laborious; nevertheless, when I reached the bottom, I was very tired and exhausted with the heat. But just where the path seemed to end, rose a great rock, quite overgrown with shrubs and creeping plants, some of them in full and splendid blossom: these almost concealed an opening in the rock, into which the path appeared to lead. I entered, thirsting for the shade which it promised. What was my delight to find a rocky cell, all the angles rounded away with rich moss, and every ledge and projection crowded with lovely ferns, the variety of whose forms, and groupings, and shades wrought in me like a poem; for such a harmony could not exist, except they all consented to some one end! A little well of the clearest water filled a mossy hollow in one corner. I drank, and felt as if I knew what the elixir of life must be; then threw myself on a mossy mound that lay like a couch along the inner end. Here I lay in a delicious reverie for some time; during which all lovely forms, and colours, and sounds seemed to use my brain as a common hall, where they could come and go, unbidden and unexcused. I had never imagined that such capacity for simple happiness lay in me, as was now awakened by this assembly of forms and spiritual sensations, which yet were far too vague to admit of being translated into any shape common to my own and another mind. I had lain for an hour, I should suppose, though it may have been far longer, when, the harmonious tumult in my mind having somewhat relaxed, I became aware that my eyes were fixed on a strange, time-worn bas-relief on the rock opposite to me. This, after some pondering, I concluded to represent Pygmalion, as he awaited the quickening of his statue. The sculptor sat more rigid than the figure to which his eyes were turned. That seemed about to step from its pedestal and embrace the man, who waited rather than expected.

Soon after midday, I arrived at a bare rocky hill, not very large but very steep, with no trees—hardly even a bush—on it, completely exposed to the heat of the sun. My path seemed to lead over this hill, so I began to climb. When I reached the top, hot and tired, I looked around and saw the forest extended as far as I could see on all sides. I noticed that the trees in the direction I was about to descend didn't come as close to the base of the hill as they did on the other side, and I regretted the unexpected delay in finding shelter because this side of the hill looked harder to descend than the other had been to climb. Then I spotted a natural path winding down through broken rocks and along a small stream, which I hoped would lead me more easily to the bottom. I tried it and found the descent not too difficult; however, when I reached the bottom, I was very tired and drained from the heat. Just where the path seemed to end, a large rock rose up, completely covered with shrubs and creeping plants, some of which were blooming beautifully and almost concealed an opening in the rock that the path seemed to lead into. I entered, eager for the shade it promised. To my delight, I found a rocky cell, with rounded angles covered in rich moss, and every ledge and projection filled with beautiful ferns, whose variety of forms, groupings, and colors felt like poetry to me; such harmony couldn’t exist unless they all served a single purpose! A small well of the clearest water filled a mossy hollow in one corner. I drank and felt like I understood what the elixir of life must be; then I lay down on a mossy mound that served as a couch at the inner end. I lay in a blissful reverie for some time, during which all lovely forms, colors, and sounds seemed to fill my mind like a common space, coming and going freely. I had never realized I had such capacity for simple happiness, awakened by this gathering of forms and sensations that were too vague to be expressed in any way that another person could understand. I had been lying there for about an hour, though it might have been much longer, when, as the delightful chaos in my mind began to settle, I noticed my eyes were fixed on a strange, ancient bas-relief on the rock across from me. After thinking about it for a moment, I concluded it represented Pygmalion, as he awaited the awakening of his statue. The sculptor was sitting more stiffly than the figure he was gazing at, which seemed ready to step off its pedestal and embrace the man, who was waiting rather than expecting.

“A lovely story,” I said to myself. “This cave, now, with the bushes cut away from the entrance to let the light in, might be such a place as he would choose, withdrawn from the notice of men, to set up his block of marble, and mould into a visible body the thought already clothed with form in the unseen hall of the sculptor’s brain. And, indeed, if I mistake not,” I said, starting up, as a sudden ray of light arrived at that moment through a crevice in the roof, and lighted up a small portion of the rock, bare of vegetation, “this very rock is marble, white enough and delicate enough for any statue, even if destined to become an ideal woman in the arms of the sculptor.”

“A lovely story,” I said to myself. “This cave, with the bushes trimmed back from the entrance to let in the light, could be the perfect spot he would choose, away from people’s gaze, to set up his block of marble and shape into reality the idea that already has form in the unseen chamber of the sculptor’s mind. And, in fact, if I’m not mistaken,” I said, jumping up as a sudden ray of light came through a crack in the roof at that moment, illuminating a small section of the rock that was bare of vegetation, “this very rock is marble, white enough and delicate enough for any statue, even if it’s meant to become an ideal woman in the sculptor’s arms.”

I took my knife and removed the moss from a part of the block on which I had been lying; when, to my surprise, I found it more like alabaster than ordinary marble, and soft to the edge of the knife. In fact, it was alabaster. By an inexplicable, though by no means unusual kind of impulse, I went on removing the moss from the surface of the stone; and soon saw that it was polished, or at least smooth, throughout. I continued my labour; and after clearing a space of about a couple of square feet, I observed what caused me to prosecute the work with more interest and care than before. For the ray of sunlight had now reached the spot I had cleared, and under its lustre the alabaster revealed its usual slight transparency when polished, except where my knife had scratched the surface; and I observed that the transparency seemed to have a definite limit, and to end upon an opaque body like the more solid, white marble. I was careful to scratch no more. And first, a vague anticipation gave way to a startling sense of possibility; then, as I proceeded, one revelation after another produced the entrancing conviction, that under the crust of alabaster lay a dimly visible form in marble, but whether of man or woman I could not yet tell. I worked on as rapidly as the necessary care would permit; and when I had uncovered the whole mass, and rising from my knees, had retreated a little way, so that the effect of the whole might fall on me, I saw before me with sufficient plainness—though at the same time with considerable indistinctness, arising from the limited amount of light the place admitted, as well as from the nature of the object itself—a block of pure alabaster enclosing the form, apparently in marble, of a reposing woman. She lay on one side, with her hand under her cheek, and her face towards me; but her hair had fallen partly over her face, so that I could not see the expression of the whole. What I did see appeared to me perfectly lovely; more near the face that had been born with me in my soul, than anything I had seen before in nature or art. The actual outlines of the rest of the form were so indistinct, that the more than semi-opacity of the alabaster seemed insufficient to account for the fact; and I conjectured that a light robe added its obscurity. Numberless histories passed through my mind of change of substance from enchantment and other causes, and of imprisonments such as this before me. I thought of the Prince of the Enchanted City, half marble and half a man; of Ariel; of Niobe; of the Sleeping Beauty in the Wood; of the bleeding trees; and many other histories. Even my adventure of the preceding evening with the lady of the beech-tree contributed to arouse the wild hope, that by some means life might be given to this form also, and that, breaking from her alabaster tomb, she might glorify my eyes with her presence. “For,” I argued, “who can tell but this cave may be the home of Marble, and this, essential Marble—that spirit of marble which, present throughout, makes it capable of being moulded into any form? Then if she should awake! But how to awake her? A kiss awoke the Sleeping Beauty! a kiss cannot reach her through the incrusting alabaster.” I kneeled, however, and kissed the pale coffin; but she slept on. I bethought me of Orpheus, and the following stones—that trees should follow his music seemed nothing surprising now. Might not a song awake this form, that the glory of motion might for a time displace the loveliness of rest? Sweet sounds can go where kisses may not enter. I sat and thought. Now, although always delighting in music, I had never been gifted with the power of song, until I entered the fairy forest. I had a voice, and I had a true sense of sound; but when I tried to sing, the one would not content the other, and so I remained silent. This morning, however, I had found myself, ere I was aware, rejoicing in a song; but whether it was before or after I had eaten of the fruits of the forest, I could not satisfy myself. I concluded it was after, however; and that the increased impulse to sing I now felt, was in part owing to having drunk of the little well, which shone like a brilliant eye in a corner of the cave. I sat down on the ground by the “antenatal tomb,” leaned upon it with my face towards the head of the figure within, and sang—the words and tones coming together, and inseparably connected, as if word and tone formed one thing; or, as if each word could be uttered only in that tone, and was incapable of distinction from it, except in idea, by an acute analysis. I sang something like this: but the words are only a dull representation of a state whose very elevation precluded the possibility of remembrance; and in which I presume the words really employed were as far above these, as that state transcended this wherein I recall it:

I took my knife and scraped away the moss from part of the block where I had been lying; to my surprise, I found it resembled alabaster more than ordinary marble and was soft to the edge of the knife. In fact, it was alabaster. Driven by an inexplicable, though not unusual, urge, I continued removing the moss from the stone's surface and soon realized that it was polished, or at least smooth, all over. I kept going, and after clearing a space of about two square feet, I noticed something that made me pursue the work with more interest and care. A ray of sunlight had now reached the area I had cleared, and under its glow, the alabaster showed its typical slight transparency when polished, except where my knife had scratched the surface. I observed that the transparency seemed to have a distinct limit, ending on a solid, opaque body like white marble. I was careful not to scratch any further. Initially, a vague anticipation transformed into a shocking sense of possibility; then, as I continued, one revelation after another led to an exciting conviction that beneath the layer of alabaster rested a faintly visible form in marble, but I couldn’t tell if it was a man or a woman. I worked as quickly as caution allowed, and when I had uncovered the entire mass and stood up a bit to take in the effect, I saw clearly—though still with notable indistinctness due to the limited light in the cave and the nature of the object—a block of pure alabaster enclosing the shape, seemingly in marble, of a woman lying on her side, her hand under her cheek, and her face turned toward me. However, her hair hung partly over her face, so I couldn’t see her expression clearly. What I did see seemed perfectly lovely; it resembled the face I had dreamt of in my mind more than anything I had encountered in nature or art. The actual outlines of the rest of her form were so blurred that the semi-opacity of the alabaster seemed insufficient to explain it, leading me to suspect that a light robe added to the obscurity. Countless stories raced through my mind about transformations due to enchantments and other causes, and about imprisonments like the one before me. I thought of the Prince of the Enchanted City, half marble and half man; Ariel; Niobe; the Sleeping Beauty in the Wood; the bleeding trees; and many other tales. Even my adventure from the previous evening with the lady by the beech tree sparked the wild hope that somehow life might be given to this form too, and that, breaking free from her alabaster tomb, she might bless my eyes with her presence. “For,” I reasoned, “who's to say that this cave isn’t the home of Marble, and this is essential Marble—that spirit of marble which, present throughout, makes it moldable into any form? What if she were to wake up! But how to awaken her? A kiss woke the Sleeping Beauty! Yet a kiss cannot reach her through the solid alabaster.” I knelt and kissed the pale coffin; but she didn’t stir. I thought of Orpheus, and how the stones—trees following his music seemed nothing surprising now. Could a song not awaken this form, so that the beauty of motion temporarily outshines the loveliness of rest? Sweet sounds can reach where kisses can’t. I sat and pondered. Although I had always loved music, I had never had the gift of song until I stepped into the fairy forest. I had a voice and a good ear for sound; but when I tried to sing, my voice never seemed to satisfy, so I remained silent. However, this morning, I found myself joyfully singing without even realizing it; but I couldn’t determine whether it happened before or after I had eaten the fruits of the forest. I concluded it was after, and that my newfound urge to sing was partly because I had drunk from the little well, which sparkled like a bright eye in a corner of the cave. I sat down on the ground by the “antenatal tomb,” leaned against it with my face toward the head of the figure inside, and sang—the words and melodies flowed together seamlessly, as if each word could only be expressed in that specific tone and was indistinguishable from it, except in theory, by careful analysis. I sang something along these lines: but the words can only offer a dull representation of a state so elevated that recalling it is nearly impossible; and I suppose the actual words I used were far superior to these, just as that state is far beyond the one I am now remembering:

“Marble woman, vainly sleeping
In the very death of dreams!
Wilt thou—slumber from thee sweeping,
All but what with vision teems—
Hear my voice come through the golden
Mist of memory and hope;
And with shadowy smile embolden
Me with primal Death to cope?

“Thee the sculptors all pursuing,
Have embodied but their own;
Round their visions, form enduring,
Marble vestments thou hast thrown;
But thyself, in silence winding,
Thou hast kept eternally;
Thee they found not, many finding—
I have found thee: wake for me.”

“Marble woman, vainly sleeping
In the very death of dreams!
Will you—slumber from you sweeping,
All but what with vision overflows—
Hear my voice come through the golden
Mist of memory and hope;
And with shadowy smile encourage
Me to face primal Death?

“Every sculptor has pursued you,
But they've just captured their own;
Around their visions, form enduring,
Marble layers you have thrown;
But yourself, in silence winding,
You have kept eternally;
They didn't find you, many finding—
I have found you: wake for me.”

As I sang, I looked earnestly at the face so vaguely revealed before me. I fancied, yet believed it to be but fancy, that through the dim veil of the alabaster, I saw a motion of the head as if caused by a sinking sigh. I gazed more earnestly, and concluded that it was but fancy. Neverthless I could not help singing again—

As I sang, I focused intently on the face that was only faintly visible in front of me. I imagined, though I thought it was just my imagination, that I saw the head move slightly as if responding to a deep sigh. I looked closer and decided it was just my imagination. Still, I couldn't help but sing again—

“Rest is now filled full of beauty,
And can give thee up, I ween;
Come thou forth, for other duty
Motion pineth for her queen.

“Or, if needing years to wake thee
From thy slumbrous solitudes,
Come, sleep-walking, and betake thee
To the friendly, sleeping woods.

Sweeter dreams are in the forest,
Round thee storms would never rave;
And when need of rest is sorest,
Glide thou then into thy cave.

“Or, if still thou choosest rather
Marble, be its spell on me;
Let thy slumber round me gather,
Let another dream with thee!”

“Rest is now full of beauty,
And I believe it can let you go;
Come out, because another duty
Is longing for its queen.

“Or, if it takes years to wake you
From your sleepy solitude,
Come, sleepwalking, and head off
To the friendly, sleeping woods.

Sweeter dreams are in the forest,
Where storms would never rage at you;
And when you really need to rest,
Then glide into your cave.

“Or, if you still prefer
Marble, let its spell be on me;
Let your slumber gather around me,
Let someone else dream with you!”

Again I paused, and gazed through the stony shroud, as if, by very force of penetrative sight, I would clear every lineament of the lovely face. And now I thought the hand that had lain under the cheek, had slipped a little downward. But then I could not be sure that I had at first observed its position accurately. So I sang again; for the longing had grown into a passionate need of seeing her alive—

Again I paused and looked through the stony cover, as if I could use my intense gaze to reveal every feature of her beautiful face. Now I thought the hand that had rested under her cheek had slipped down a bit. But then I couldn’t be sure I had accurately seen where it was at first. So I sang again, because my longing had turned into a desperate need to see her alive—

“Or art thou Death, O woman? for since I
    Have set me singing by thy side,
Life hath forsook the upper sky,
    And all the outer world hath died.

“Yea, I am dead; for thou hast drawn
    My life all downward unto thee.
Dead moon of love! let twilight dawn:
    Awake! and let the darkness flee.

“Cold lady of the lovely stone!
    Awake! or I shall perish here;
And thou be never more alone,
    My form and I for ages near.

“But words are vain; reject them all—
    They utter but a feeble part:
Hear thou the depths from which they call,
    The voiceless longing of my heart.”

“Are you Death, O woman? Because ever since I
Started singing by your side,
Life has abandoned the sky,
And the whole outside world has faded away.

“Yes, I am dead; for you’ve pulled
My life all down to you.
Dead moon of love! let twilight break:
Wake up! and let the darkness go.

“Cold lady of the beautiful stone!
Wake up! or I will die here;
And you’ll never be alone again,
My form and I for ages near.

“But words are useless; dismiss them all—
They express only a weak part:
Hear the depths from which they call,
The silent yearning of my heart.”

There arose a slightly crashing sound. Like a sudden apparition that comes and is gone, a white form, veiled in a light robe of whiteness, burst upwards from the stone, stood, glided forth, and gleamed away towards the woods. For I followed to the mouth of the cave, as soon as the amazement and concentration of delight permitted the nerves of motion again to act; and saw the white form amidst the trees, as it crossed a little glade on the edge of the forest where the sunlight fell full, seeming to gather with intenser radiance on the one object that floated rather than flitted through its lake of beams. I gazed after her in a kind of despair; found, freed, lost! It seemed useless to follow, yet follow I must. I marked the direction she took; and without once looking round to the forsaken cave, I hastened towards the forest.

A faint crashing sound echoed. Like a sudden ghost that appears and then disappears, a white figure, wrapped in a light robe, shot up from the stone, stood still, glided forward, and shimmered away towards the woods. I hurried to the cave's entrance as soon as the amazement and joy allowed my body to move again; and I saw the white figure among the trees as it crossed a small clearing at the forest's edge where sunlight shone brightly, seeming to glow even more on the one object that floated rather than darted through its pool of light. I watched her in a kind of despair; found, freed, lost! It felt pointless to follow, but I had to. I noted the direction she took and, without once looking back at the abandoned cave, I rushed towards the forest.

CHAPTER VI

“Ah, let a man beware, when his wishes, fulfilled, rain down
upon him, and his happiness is unbounded.”
          —FOUQUÉ, Der Zauberring.

“Thy red lips, like worms,
Travel over my cheek.”
          —MOTHERWELL.

“Ah, a man should be cautious when his wishes come true and his happiness knows no limits.”
          —FOUQUÉ, Der Zauberring.

“Your red lips, like worms,
Travel across my cheek.”
          —MOTHERWELL.

But as I crossed the space between the foot of the hill and the forest, a vision of another kind delayed my steps. Through an opening to the westward flowed, like a stream, the rays of the setting sun, and overflowed with a ruddy splendour the open space where I was. And riding as it were down this stream towards me, came a horseman in what appeared red armour. From frontlet to tail, the horse likewise shone red in the sunset. I felt as if I must have seen the knight before; but as he drew near, I could recall no feature of his countenance. Ere he came up to me, however, I remembered the legend of Sir Percival in the rusty armour, which I had left unfinished in the old book in the cottage: it was of Sir Percival that he reminded me. And no wonder; for when he came close up to me, I saw that, from crest to heel, the whole surface of his armour was covered with a light rust. The golden spurs shone, but the iron greaves glowed in the sunlight. The morning star, which hung from his wrist, glittered and glowed with its silver and bronze. His whole appearance was terrible; but his face did not answer to this appearance. It was sad, even to gloominess; and something of shame seemed to cover it. Yet it was noble and high, though thus beclouded; and the form looked lofty, although the head drooped, and the whole frame was bowed as with an inward grief. The horse seemed to share in his master’s dejection, and walked spiritless and slow. I noticed, too, that the white plume on his helmet was discoloured and drooping. “He has fallen in a joust with spears,” I said to myself; “yet it becomes not a noble knight to be conquered in spirit because his body hath fallen.” He appeared not to observe me, for he was riding past without looking up, and started into a warlike attitude the moment the first sound of my voice reached him. Then a flush, as of shame, covered all of his face that the lifted beaver disclosed. He returned my greeting with distant courtesy, and passed on. But suddenly, he reined up, sat a moment still, and then turning his horse, rode back to where I stood looking after him.

But as I crossed the space between the bottom of the hill and the forest, a vision of a different kind made me pause. Through an opening to the west, the rays of the setting sun flowed like a stream, filling the open area where I stood with a warm glow. Coming toward me, almost riding down this stream, was a horseman in what looked like red armor. From front to back, the horse also glimmered red in the sunset. I felt as if I should have recognized the knight, but as he got closer, I couldn't recall any details of his face. Before he reached me, though, I remembered the legend of Sir Percival in rusty armor that I had left unfinished in the old book back at the cottage; he reminded me of Sir Percival. It was no surprise because when he got near, I saw that his armor was indeed covered in light rust from crest to heel. The golden spurs shone, while the iron greaves shimmered in the sunlight. The morning star hanging from his wrist sparkled with silver and bronze. His overall appearance was intimidating, but his face didn't match that vibe. It looked sad, even gloomy, and there was an air of shame about him. Still, it was noble and dignified despite its heaviness; he had a tall stature, yet his head hung low, and his entire body seemed weighed down by inner sorrow. The horse appeared affected by his master's melancholy, moving slowly and without spirit. I also noticed that the white plume on his helmet was faded and drooping. “He must have fallen in a joust,” I thought to myself; “but a noble knight shouldn’t be defeated in spirit just because he has fallen in body.” He didn't seem to notice me as he rode by without looking up, but he snapped into a combat-ready stance the moment he heard my voice. A flush of shame spread across his face, visible when he lifted his visor. He acknowledged my greeting with distant politeness and kept going. But suddenly, he halted, sat still for a moment, and then turned his horse around to ride back to where I stood watching him.

“I am ashamed,” he said, “to appear a knight, and in such a guise; but it behoves me to tell you to take warning from me, lest the same evil, in his kind, overtake the singer that has befallen the knight. Hast thou ever read the story of Sir Percival and the”—(here he shuddered, that his armour rang)—“Maiden of the Alder-tree?”

“I’m embarrassed,” he said, “to show up as a knight, dressed like this; but I need to warn you to be careful, so you don’t end up facing the same trouble as the knight. Have you ever read the story of Sir Percival and the”—(here he shuddered, making his armor clink)—“Maiden of the Alder-tree?”

“In part, I have,” said I; “for yesterday, at the entrance of this forest, I found in a cottage the volume wherein it is recorded.”

“In part, I have,” I said; “because yesterday, at the edge of this forest, I found in a cottage the book where it is recorded.”

“Then take heed,” he rejoined; “for, see my armour—I put it off; and as it befell to him, so has it befallen to me. I that was proud am humble now. Yet is she terribly beautiful—beware. Never,” he added, raising his head, “shall this armour be furbished, but by the blows of knightly encounter, until the last speck has disappeared from every spot where the battle-axe and sword of evil-doers, or noble foes, might fall; when I shall again lift my head, and say to my squire, ‘Do thy duty once more, and make this armour shine.’”

“Then pay attention,” he replied; “look at my armor—I took it off; and just like it happened to him, it's happened to me. I who was once proud am now humbled. But she is incredibly beautiful—be cautious. Never,” he said, raising his head, “will this armor be polished except by the blows of a knightly battle, until the last mark is gone from every spot where the weapons of wrongdoers or noble enemies might strike; when I will raise my head again, and say to my squire, ‘Do your job one more time, and make this armor shine.’”

Before I could inquire further, he had struck spurs into his horse and galloped away, shrouded from my voice in the noise of his armour. For I called after him, anxious to know more about this fearful enchantress; but in vain—he heard me not. “Yet,” I said to myself, “I have now been often warned; surely I shall be well on my guard; and I am fully resolved I shall not be ensnared by any beauty, however beautiful. Doubtless, some one man may escape, and I shall be he.” So I went on into the wood, still hoping to find, in some one of its mysterious recesses, my lost lady of the marble. The sunny afternoon died into the loveliest twilight. Great bats began to flit about with their own noiseless flight, seemingly purposeless, because its objects are unseen. The monotonous music of the owl issued from all unexpected quarters in the half-darkness around me. The glow-worm was alight here and there, burning out into the great universe. The night-hawk heightened all the harmony and stillness with his oft-recurring, discordant jar. Numberless unknown sounds came out of the unknown dusk; but all were of twilight-kind, oppressing the heart as with a condensed atmosphere of dreamy undefined love and longing. The odours of night arose, and bathed me in that luxurious mournfulness peculiar to them, as if the plants whence they floated had been watered with bygone tears. Earth drew me towards her bosom; I felt as if I could fall down and kiss her. I forgot I was in Fairy Land, and seemed to be walking in a perfect night of our own old nursing earth. Great stems rose about me, uplifting a thick multitudinous roof above me of branches, and twigs, and leaves—the bird and insect world uplifted over mine, with its own landscapes, its own thickets, and paths, and glades, and dwellings; its own bird-ways and insect-delights. Great boughs crossed my path; great roots based the tree-columns, and mightily clasped the earth, strong to lift and strong to uphold. It seemed an old, old forest, perfect in forest ways and pleasures. And when, in the midst of this ecstacy, I remembered that under some close canopy of leaves, by some giant stem, or in some mossy cave, or beside some leafy well, sat the lady of the marble, whom my songs had called forth into the outer world, waiting (might it not be?) to meet and thank her deliverer in a twilight which would veil her confusion, the whole night became one dream-realm of joy, the central form of which was everywhere present, although unbeheld. Then, remembering how my songs seemed to have called her from the marble, piercing through the pearly shroud of alabaster—“Why,” thought I, “should not my voice reach her now, through the ebon night that inwraps her.” My voice burst into song so spontaneously that it seemed involuntarily.

Before I could ask more, he kicked his spurs into his horse and took off, his armor drowning out my voice. I called after him, eager to learn more about this terrifying enchantress, but it was pointless—he didn’t hear me. “Still,” I told myself, “I’ve been warned enough times; I’ll definitely be cautious now. I’m determined not to fall for any beauty, no matter how stunning. Surely, one man can escape, and that will be me.” So I continued into the woods, still hoping to find, in one of its mysterious corners, my lost lady of the marble. The sunny afternoon faded into the most beautiful twilight. Large bats began to flit around silently, aimlessly, since their targets were hidden. The rhythmic hooting of the owl came from unexpected places in the growing darkness around me. Glowworms flickered here and there, lighting up the vast universe. The night-hawk added to the tranquility with its frequent, jarring calls. Countless unknown sounds emerged from the indistinct twilight; all were twilight sounds, weighing on the heart like a thick atmosphere of dreamy, undefined love and longing. The scents of night rose up, wrapping around me in that rich mournfulness unique to them, as if the plants releasing them had been watered with past tears. The earth seemed to draw me to her; I felt like I could fall to my knees and kiss her. I forgot I was in Fairy Land and felt like I was strolling through a perfect night on our familiar old earth. Huge trunks towered around me, supporting a thick canopy of branches, twigs, and leaves—the world of birds and insects above me, with its landscapes, thickets, paths, glades, and homes; its own birdways and insect joys. Large branches blocked my way; massive roots anchored the tree trunks, firmly clasping the earth, strong enough to lift and support. It felt like an ancient forest, perfect in its ways and pleasures. And when, in the middle of this bliss, I remembered that somewhere under a thick canopy of leaves, by a giant trunk, in a mossy cave, or beside a leafy spring, sat the lady of the marble, whom my songs had called into the world, waiting (could it be?) to meet and thank her rescuer in a twilight that would hide her shyness, the whole night became a dream-like realm of joy, the central figure of which was always present, though unseen. Then, recalling how my songs seemed to have summoned her from the marble, breaking through the pearly veil of alabaster—“Why,” I thought, “shouldn’t my voice reach her now, through the dark night surrounding her?” My voice erupted into song so spontaneously that it felt involuntary.

“Not a sound
But, echoing in me,
Vibrates all around
With a blind delight,
Till it breaks on Thee,
Queen of Night!

Every tree,
O’ershadowing with gloom,
Seems to cover thee
Secret, dark, love-still’d,
In a holy room
Silence-filled.

“Let no moon
Creep up the heaven to-night;
I in darksome noon
Walking hopefully,
Seek my shrouded light—
Grope for thee!

“Darker grow
The borders of the dark!
Through the branches glow,
From the roof above,
Star and diamond-sparks
Light for love.”

“Not a sound
But, echoing inside me,
Vibrates all around
With a blind joy,
Until it breaks on you,
Queen of the Night!

Every tree,
Casting its shadow with gloom,
Seems to cover you
Secret, dark, love-stilled,
In a sacred room
Filled with silence.

“Let no moon
Creep up into the sky tonight;
I in the darkening afternoon
Walking with hope,
Search for my hidden light—
Feel for you!

“Darker grow
The edges of the night!
Through the branches glow,
From the roof above,
Stars and diamond sparks
Light for love.”

Scarcely had the last sounds floated away from the hearing of my own ears, when I heard instead a low delicious laugh near me. It was not the laugh of one who would not be heard, but the laugh of one who has just received something long and patiently desired—a laugh that ends in a low musical moan. I started, and, turning sideways, saw a dim white figure seated beside an intertwining thicket of smaller trees and underwood.

Scarcely had the last sounds faded from my ears when I heard a soft, delightful laugh nearby. It wasn’t the laugh of someone trying to be quiet, but the laugh of someone who had just received something they had long and eagerly wanted—a laugh that ended in a soft, melodic sigh. I jumped, and turning to the side, I saw a faint white figure sitting next to a tangled thicket of smaller trees and shrubs.

“It is my white lady!” I said, and flung myself on the ground beside her; striving, through the gathering darkness, to get a glimpse of the form which had broken its marble prison at my call.

“It’s my white lady!” I said, and threw myself on the ground next to her; trying, through the fading light, to catch a glimpse of the figure that had escaped its marble prison at my summons.

“It is your white lady!” said the sweetest voice, in reply, sending a thrill of speechless delight through a heart which all the love-charms of the preceding day and evening had been tempering for this culminating hour. Yet, if I would have confessed it, there was something either in the sound of the voice, although it seemed sweetness itself, or else in this yielding which awaited no gradation of gentle approaches, that did not vibrate harmoniously with the beat of my inward music. And likewise, when, taking her hand in mine, I drew closer to her, looking for the beauty of her face, which, indeed, I found too plenteously, a cold shiver ran through me; but “it is the marble,” I said to myself, and heeded it not.

“It’s your white lady!” said the sweetest voice in reply, sending a thrill of silent joy through a heart that all the love charms of the previous day and evening had been preparing for this moment. Yet, if I’m honest, there was something in the sound of the voice, although it seemed perfectly sweet, or perhaps in this surrender that didn’t wait for any gradual approach, that just didn’t match the rhythm of my inner feelings. And also, when I took her hand in mine and leaned in closer, hoping to see the beauty of her face, which I definitely found in abundance, a cold shiver ran through me; but “it’s just the marble,” I told myself and brushed it off.

She withdrew her hand from mine, and after that would scarce allow me to touch her. It seemed strange, after the fulness of her first greeting, that she could not trust me to come close to her. Though her words were those of a lover, she kept herself withdrawn as if a mile of space interposed between us.

She pulled her hand away from mine, and after that, she barely let me touch her. It felt odd, after the warmth of her first greeting, that she couldn’t trust me to get close. Even though she spoke like a lover, she kept her distance as if there were a mile between us.

“Why did you run away from me when you woke in the cave?” I said.

“Why did you flee from me when you woke up in the cave?” I asked.

“Did I?” she returned. “That was very unkind of me; but I did not know better.”

“Did I?” she replied. “That was really unkind of me; but I didn’t know any better.”

“I wish I could see you. The night is very dark.”

“I wish I could see you. It's really dark tonight.”

“So it is. Come to my grotto. There is light there.”

“So it is. Come to my cave. There’s light there.”

“Have you another cave, then?”

“Do you have another cave?”

“Come and see.”

"Come check it out."

But she did not move until I rose first, and then she was on her feet before I could offer my hand to help her. She came close to my side, and conducted me through the wood. But once or twice, when, involuntarily almost, I was about to put my arm around her as we walked on through the warm gloom, she sprang away several paces, always keeping her face full towards me, and then stood looking at me, slightly stooping, in the attitude of one who fears some half-seen enemy. It was too dark to discern the expression of her face. Then she would return and walk close beside me again, as if nothing had happened. I thought this strange; but, besides that I had almost, as I said before, given up the attempt to account for appearances in Fairy Land, I judged that it would be very unfair to expect from one who had slept so long and had been so suddenly awakened, a behaviour correspondent to what I might unreflectingly look for. I knew not what she might have been dreaming about. Besides, it was possible that, while her words were free, her sense of touch might be exquisitely delicate.

But she didn't move until I got up first, and then she was on her feet before I could offer my hand to help her. She came close to my side and guided me through the woods. But once or twice, almost without thinking, when I was about to put my arm around her as we walked through the warm gloom, she jumped away several steps, always keeping her face towards me, and then stood looking at me, slightly bent over, like someone who fears a half-seen enemy. It was too dark to see the expression on her face. Then she would come back and walk right beside me again, as if nothing had happened. I found this strange; but besides the fact that I had almost, as I mentioned before, given up trying to make sense of things in Fairy Land, I thought it would be very unfair to expect someone who had slept for so long and had been suddenly awakened to behave in a way that I might thoughtlessly expect. I had no idea what she might have been dreaming about. Also, it was possible that, while her words were free, her sense of touch might be incredibly sensitive.

At length, after walking a long way in the woods, we arrived at another thicket, through the intertexture of which was glimmering a pale rosy light.

After walking a long way through the woods, we finally reached another thicket, where a faint rosy light was shining through the branches.

“Push aside the branches,” she said, “and make room for us to enter.”

“Move the branches out of the way,” she said, “and make space for us to get in.”

I did as she told me.

I did what she told me.

“Go in,” she said; “I will follow you.”

“Go ahead,” she said; “I’ll follow you.”

I did as she desired, and found myself in a little cave, not very unlike the marble cave. It was festooned and draperied with all kinds of green that cling to shady rocks. In the furthest corner, half-hidden in leaves, through which it glowed, mingling lovely shadows between them, burned a bright rosy flame on a little earthen lamp. The lady glided round by the wall from behind me, still keeping her face towards me, and seated herself in the furthest corner, with her back to the lamp, which she hid completely from my view. I then saw indeed a form of perfect loveliness before me. Almost it seemed as if the light of the rose-lamp shone through her (for it could not be reflected from her); such a delicate shade of pink seemed to shadow what in itself must be a marbly whiteness of hue. I discovered afterwards, however, that there was one thing in it I did not like; which was, that the white part of the eye was tinged with the same slight roseate hue as the rest of the form. It is strange that I cannot recall her features; but they, as well as her somewhat girlish figure, left on me simply and only the impression of intense loveliness. I lay down at her feet, and gazed up into her face as I lay. She began, and told me a strange tale, which, likewise, I cannot recollect; but which, at every turn and every pause, somehow or other fixed my eyes and thoughts upon her extreme beauty; seeming always to culminate in something that had a relation, revealed or hidden, but always operative, with her own loveliness. I lay entranced. It was a tale which brings back a feeling as of snows and tempests; torrents and water-sprites; lovers parted for long, and meeting at last; with a gorgeous summer night to close up the whole. I listened till she and I were blended with the tale; till she and I were the whole history. And we had met at last in this same cave of greenery, while the summer night hung round us heavy with love, and the odours that crept through the silence from the sleeping woods were the only signs of an outer world that invaded our solitude. What followed I cannot clearly remember. The succeeding horror almost obliterated it. I woke as a grey dawn stole into the cave. The damsel had disappeared; but in the shrubbery, at the mouth of the cave, stood a strange horrible object. It looked like an open coffin set up on one end; only that the part for the head and neck was defined from the shoulder-part. In fact, it was a rough representation of the human frame, only hollow, as if made of decaying bark torn from a tree.

I did as she asked and found myself in a small cave, similar to the marble cave. It was adorned with all kinds of green plants that clung to the shaded rocks. In the farthest corner, half-hidden by leaves that glowed and mingled beautiful shadows, a bright rosy flame burned in a little earthen lamp. The lady glided around against the wall from behind me, keeping her face towards me, and seated herself in the far corner, with her back to the lamp, completely blocking it from my view. I then saw a figure of perfect beauty before me. It almost seemed like the light from the rose lamp was shining through her (since it couldn’t be reflected off her); there was a delicate shade of pink that seemed to cast a glow over what must have been a marble-white complexion. I later realized there was one thing I didn’t like: the white part of her eye had the same faint rosy hue as the rest of her form. It’s odd that I can’t remember her features, but they, along with her somewhat girlish figure, left me with just the impression of intense beauty. I lay down at her feet and gazed up at her face. She began to tell me a strange story, which I also cannot remember; but at every twist and pause, somehow, my eyes and thoughts were fixed on her extreme beauty, always seeming to build up to something connected, either revealed or hidden, but always linked to her loveliness. I lay enchanted. It was a tale that brought back feelings of snow and storms; torrents and water-spirits; lovers separated for long periods, finally reunited; with a beautiful summer night to wrap it all up. I listened until she and I blended with the story; until she and I became the entire history. We had finally met in this same green cave, while the summer night surrounded us, heavy with love, and the scents drifting through the silence from the sleeping woods were the only signs of the outer world interrupting our solitude. What happened next is blurry in my memory. The horror that followed almost erased it. I woke as a gray dawn crept into the cave. The girl had vanished; but in the bushes at the cave's entrance stood a strange, horrifying object. It looked like an open coffin propped up on one end, except the part for the head and neck was separate from the shoulder area. In fact, it was a rough depiction of the human form, only hollow as if made of decaying bark torn from a tree.

It had arms, which were only slightly seamed, down from the shoulder-blade by the elbow, as if the bark had healed again from the cut of a knife. But the arms moved, and the hand and the fingers were tearing asunder a long silky tress of hair. The thing turned round—it had for a face and front those of my enchantress, but now of a pale greenish hue in the light of the morning, and with dead lustreless eyes. In the horror of the moment, another fear invaded me. I put my hand to my waist, and found indeed that my girdle of beech-leaves was gone. Hair again in her hands, she was tearing it fiercely. Once more, as she turned, she laughed a low laugh, but now full of scorn and derision; and then she said, as if to a companion with whom she had been talking while I slept, “There he is; you can take him now.” I lay still, petrified with dismay and fear; for I now saw another figure beside her, which, although vague and indistinct, I yet recognised but too well. It was the Ash-tree. My beauty was the Maid of the Alder! and she was giving me, spoiled of my only availing defence, into the hands of my awful foe. The Ash bent his Gorgon-head, and entered the cave. I could not stir. He drew near me. His ghoul-eyes and his ghastly face fascinated me. He came stooping, with the hideous hand outstretched, like a beast of prey. I had given myself up to a death of unfathomable horror, when, suddenly, and just as he was on the point of seizing me, the dull, heavy blow of an axe echoed through the wood, followed by others in quick repetition. The Ash shuddered and groaned, withdrew the outstretched hand, retreated backwards to the mouth of the cave, then turned and disappeared amongst the trees. The other walking Death looked at me once, with a careless dislike on her beautifully moulded features; then, heedless any more to conceal her hollow deformity, turned her frightful back and likewise vanished amid the green obscurity without. I lay and wept. The Maid of the Alder-tree had befooled me—nearly slain me—in spite of all the warnings I had received from those who knew my danger.

It had arms, which were only slightly stitched, coming down from the shoulder-blade to the elbow, as if the bark had healed from a knife cut. But the arms moved, and the hand and fingers were tearing apart a long silky strand of hair. The thing turned around—it had the face and features of my enchantress, but now with a pale greenish tint in the morning light, and dead, dull eyes. In that moment of horror, another fear hit me. I touched my waist and realized that my beech-leaf belt was gone. Hair again in her hands, she was tearing it fiercely. Once more, as she turned, she laughed a low laugh, but now it was full of scorn and mockery; then she said, as if to a companion she had been talking to while I slept, “There he is; you can take him now.” I lay still, frozen with dismay and fear; for now I saw another figure beside her, which, though vague and unclear, I recognized too well. It was the Ash-tree. My beauty was the Maid of the Alder! And she was handing me over, stripped of my only defense, to my terrible enemy. The Ash lowered its Gorgon-like head and entered the cave. I couldn’t move. It drew closer. Its ghoul-like eyes and ghastly face mesmerized me. It approached, stooping, with its hideous hand outstretched, like a predator. I had resigned myself to an unfathomable horror, when, suddenly, just as it was about to grab me, the dull, heavy sound of an axe echoed through the woods, followed by more quick strikes. The Ash shuddered and groaned, withdrew its outstretched hand, retreated back to the cave entrance, then turned and disappeared among the trees. The other walking Death glanced at me once, with a casual dislike on her beautifully shaped features; then, no longer concerned with hiding her hollow deformity, she turned her terrifying back and vanished into the green shadows as well. I lay there and cried. The Maid of the Alder-tree had tricked me—nearly killed me—in spite of all the warnings I had received from those who knew my danger.

CHAPTER VII

“Fight on, my men, Sir Andrew sayes,
    A little I am hurt, but yett not slaine;
I’le but lye downe and bleede awhile,
    And then I’le rise and fight againe.”
          BALLAD of Sir Andrew Barton.

“Fight on, my men,” Sir Andrew says,
    “I’m a bit hurt, but I’m not dead;
I’ll just lie down and bleed for a bit,
    And then I’ll get up and fight again.”
          BALLAD of Sir Andrew Barton.

But I could not remain where I was any longer, though the daylight was hateful to me, and the thought of the great, innocent, bold sunrise unendurable. Here there was no well to cool my face, smarting with the bitterness of my own tears. Nor would I have washed in the well of that grotto, had it flowed clear as the rivers of Paradise. I rose, and feebly left the sepulchral cave. I took my way I knew not whither, but still towards the sunrise. The birds were singing; but not for me. All the creatures spoke a language of their own, with which I had nothing to do, and to which I cared not to find the key any more.

But I couldn't stay where I was any longer, even though the brightness of the day disgusted me, and the idea of the beautiful, innocent sunrise felt unbearable. There wasn't a well to cool my face, stinging from my own tears. Even if the well in that cave had been as clear as the rivers of Paradise, I wouldn't have washed in it. I got up and weakly left the tomb-like cave. I headed in a direction I didn't know, but still toward the sunrise. The birds were singing, but not for me. All the creatures spoke their own language, one I had nothing to do with, and I no longer cared to find the key to it.

I walked listlessly along. What distressed me most—more even than my own folly—was the perplexing question, How can beauty and ugliness dwell so near? Even with her altered complexion and her face of dislike; disenchanted of the belief that clung around her; known for a living, walking sepulchre, faithless, deluding, traitorous; I felt notwithstanding all this, that she was beautiful. Upon this I pondered with undiminished perplexity, though not without some gain. Then I began to make surmises as to the mode of my deliverance; and concluded that some hero, wandering in search of adventure, had heard how the forest was infested; and, knowing it was useless to attack the evil thing in person, had assailed with his battle-axe the body in which he dwelt, and on which he was dependent for his power of mischief in the wood. “Very likely,” I thought, “the repentant-knight, who warned me of the evil which has befallen me, was busy retrieving his lost honour, while I was sinking into the same sorrow with himself; and, hearing of the dangerous and mysterious being, arrived at his tree in time to save me from being dragged to its roots, and buried like carrion, to nourish him for yet deeper insatiableness.” I found afterwards that my conjecture was correct. I wondered how he had fared when his blows recalled the Ash himself, and that too I learned afterwards.

I walked along without much purpose. What bothered me most—not even my own foolishness—was the confusing question: How can beauty and ugliness exist so close together? Even with her changed complexion and her look of disdain; losing the belief that once surrounded her; known as a living, walking tomb, disloyal, deceiving, treacherous; I still felt, despite all this, that she was beautiful. I thought about this with ongoing confusion, though not without some insight. Then I started to guess about how I might be saved; I figured that some hero, looking for adventure, had heard how the forest was cursed; and knowing it wouldn’t help to confront the evil directly, had attacked the body that housed it, which was essential for its power to cause havoc in the woods. “It’s possible,” I thought, “that the repentant knight who warned me about the trouble I was in was busy trying to restore his lost honor while I was falling into the same despair as him; and, hearing about the dangerous and mysterious creature, made it to his tree just in time to save me from being dragged to its roots and buried like garbage, to feed its endless hunger.” I later found out that my guess was right. I wondered how he had fared when his strikes brought back the Ash himself, and I learned that too later.

I walked on the whole day, with intervals of rest, but without food; for I could not have eaten, had any been offered me; till, in the afternoon, I seemed to approach the outskirts of the forest, and at length arrived at a farm-house. An unspeakable joy arose in my heart at beholding an abode of human beings once more, and I hastened up to the door, and knocked. A kind-looking, matronly woman, still handsome, made her appearance; who, as soon as she saw me, said kindly, “Ah, my poor boy, you have come from the wood! Were you in it last night?”

I walked all day, with breaks to rest, but without any food; I wouldn't have been able to eat even if someone had offered me anything. By the afternoon, I seemed to be getting close to the edge of the forest, and finally arrived at a farmhouse. An indescribable joy filled my heart at the sight of a place where people lived again, and I rushed to the door and knocked. A kind-looking, motherly woman, still good-looking, came to the door. As soon as she saw me, she said kindly, “Oh, my poor boy, you’ve come from the woods! Were you there last night?”

I should have ill endured, the day before, to be called boy; but now the motherly kindness of the word went to my heart; and, like a boy indeed, I burst into tears. She soothed me right gently; and, leading me into a room, made me lie down on a settle, while she went to find me some refreshment. She soon returned with food, but I could not eat. She almost compelled me to swallow some wine, when I revived sufficiently to be able to answer some of her questions. I told her the whole story.

I should have felt miserable being called a boy the day before, but now the warmth of that word touched my heart, and like a true boy, I started to cry. She comforted me gently and led me into a room, where she made me lie down on a bench while she went to get me something to eat. She quickly came back with food, but I just couldn't eat. She practically forced me to drink some wine, and once I felt better, I was able to answer some of her questions. I told her everything that had happened.

“It is just as I feared,” she said; “but you are now for the night beyond the reach of any of these dreadful creatures. It is no wonder they could delude a child like you. But I must beg you, when my husband comes in, not to say a word about these things; for he thinks me even half crazy for believing anything of the sort. But I must believe my senses, as he cannot believe beyond his, which give him no intimations of this kind. I think he could spend the whole of Midsummer-eve in the wood and come back with the report that he saw nothing worse than himself. Indeed, good man, he would hardly find anything better than himself, if he had seven more senses given him.”

“It’s exactly what I was afraid of,” she said. “But for tonight, you’re out of reach of those terrifying creatures. It’s no surprise they could trick a child like you. But I must ask you, when my husband comes in, not to say anything about this; he already thinks I’m at least half crazy for believing any of it. But I have to trust my senses, since he can’t see beyond his own, which don’t give him any hints about this. I believe he could spend the entire Midsummer-eve in the woods and come back saying he saw nothing worse than himself. Honestly, good man, he wouldn’t find anything better than himself, even if he had seven extra senses.”

“But tell me how it is that she could be so beautiful without any heart at all—without any place even for a heart to live in.”

“But tell me how she can be so beautiful without a heart at all—without even a place for a heart to exist.”

“I cannot quite tell,” she said; “but I am sure she would not look so beautiful if she did not take means to make herself look more beautiful than she is. And then, you know, you began by being in love with her before you saw her beauty, mistaking her for the lady of the marble—another kind altogether, I should think. But the chief thing that makes her beautiful is this: that, although she loves no man, she loves the love of any man; and when she finds one in her power, her desire to bewitch him and gain his love (not for the sake of his love either, but that she may be conscious anew of her own beauty, through the admiration he manifests), makes her very lovely—with a self-destructive beauty, though; for it is that which is constantly wearing her away within, till, at last, the decay will reach her face, and her whole front, when all the lovely mask of nothing will fall to pieces, and she be vanished for ever. So a wise man, whom she met in the wood some years ago, and who, I think, for all his wisdom, fared no better than you, told me, when, like you, he spent the next night here, and recounted to me his adventures.”

“I can’t quite say,” she said, “but I’m sure she wouldn’t look so beautiful if she didn’t do things to enhance her beauty. And remember, you fell in love with her before you even saw her beauty, mistaking her for the lady of the marble—someone completely different, I’d say. But the main thing that makes her beautiful is this: even though she doesn’t love any man, she loves the idea of being loved by any man. When she finds someone she can captivate, her desire to enchant him and win his love (not for the love itself, but so she can feel her own beauty through his admiration) makes her really lovely—though it’s a self-destructive beauty, because it slowly eats away at her inside, until eventually, that decay will show on her face, and her entire facade, when the lovely mask of nothing falls apart, will disappear forever. A wise man she met in the woods a few years ago, who I think, despite all his wisdom, didn’t fare any better than you, told me this when, like you, he spent the next night here and shared his adventures with me.”

I thanked her very warmly for her solution, though it was but partial; wondering much that in her, as in woman I met on my first entering the forest, there should be such superiority to her apparent condition. Here she left me to take some rest; though, indeed, I was too much agitated to rest in any other way than by simply ceasing to move.

I thanked her sincerely for her solution, even though it was only partial; I was surprised that, like the woman I encountered when I first entered the forest, she seemed so much greater than her situation suggested. She left me to rest; however, I was too unsettled to rest in any way other than by simply stopping my movements.

In half an hour, I heard a heavy step approach and enter the house. A jolly voice, whose slight huskiness appeared to proceed from overmuch laughter, called out “Betsy, the pigs’ trough is quite empty, and that is a pity. Let them swill, lass! They’re of no use but to get fat. Ha! ha! ha! Gluttony is not forbidden in their commandments. Ha! ha! ha!” The very voice, kind and jovial, seemed to disrobe the room of the strange look which all new places wear—to disenchant it out of the realm of the ideal into that of the actual. It began to look as if I had known every corner of it for twenty years; and when, soon after, the dame came and fetched me to partake of their early supper, the grasp of his great hand, and the harvest-moon of his benevolent face, which was needed to light up the rotundity of the globe beneath it, produced such a reaction in me, that, for a moment, I could hardly believe that there was a Fairy Land; and that all I had passed through since I left home, had not been the wandering dream of a diseased imagination, operating on a too mobile frame, not merely causing me indeed to travel, but peopling for me with vague phantoms the regions through which my actual steps had led me. But the next moment my eye fell upon a little girl who was sitting in the chimney-corner, with a little book open on her knee, from which she had apparently just looked up to fix great inquiring eyes upon me. I believed in Fairy Land again. She went on with her reading, as soon as she saw that I observed her looking at me. I went near, and peeping over her shoulder, saw that she was reading The History of Graciosa and Percinet.

In half an hour, I heard a heavy step approach and enter the house. A cheerful voice, slightly husky from too much laughter, called out, “Betsy, the pigs’ trough is completely empty, and that’s a shame. Let them eat, girl! They’re only good for getting fat. Ha! ha! ha! Gluttony isn’t against their rules. Ha! ha! ha!” That very voice, warm and friendly, seemed to strip the room of the unfamiliar vibe that all new places have—making it feel less like an ideal and more like reality. It started to feel like I’d known every corner of it for twenty years; and when, soon after, the lady came and got me to join their early supper, the grip of his big hand and the harvest-moon glow of his kind face, which seemed to brighten up the roundness of the world beneath it, made me feel so amazed that, for a moment, I could hardly believe in Fairy Land. I wondered if everything I had experienced since leaving home had just been a wandering dream of a troubled imagination, making me travel while filling the places I walked through with vague illusions. But just then, my gaze landed on a little girl sitting in the corner by the fireplace, with a small book open on her lap, from which she had apparently just looked up to give me big, curious eyes. I believed in Fairy Land again. She went back to reading as soon as she noticed I was watching her. I moved closer and leaned over her shoulder, seeing that she was reading The History of Graciosa and Percinet.

“Very improving book, sir,” remarked the old farmer, with a good-humoured laugh. “We are in the very hottest corner of Fairy Land here. Ha! ha! Stormy night, last night, sir.”

“Very insightful book, sir,” said the old farmer, chuckling. “We're in the hottest part of Fairy Land here. Ha! ha! It was a stormy night last night, sir.”

“Was it, indeed?” I rejoined. “It was not so with me. A lovelier night I never saw.”

“Was it really?” I replied. “It was not the same for me. I’ve never seen a more beautiful night.”

“Indeed! Where were you last night?”

“Really! Where were you last night?”

“I spent it in the forest. I had lost my way.”

“I spent it in the woods. I had lost my way.”

“Ah! then, perhaps, you will be able to convince my good woman, that there is nothing very remarkable about the forest; for, to tell the truth, it bears but a bad name in these parts. I dare say you saw nothing worse than yourself there?”

“Ah! then, maybe you can convince my good woman that there's nothing all that special about the forest; honestly, it has a bad reputation around here. I bet you didn't see anything worse than yourself there?”

“I hope I did,” was my inward reply; but, for an audible one, I contented myself with saying, “Why, I certainly did see some appearances I could hardly account for; but that is nothing to be wondered at in an unknown wild forest, and with the uncertain light of the moon alone to go by.”

“I hope I did,” was my inner response; but, to say something out loud, I settled for, “Well, I definitely saw some things I could barely explain; but that’s nothing surprising in an unfamiliar wild forest, especially with only the uncertain light of the moon to guide me.”

“Very true! you speak like a sensible man, sir. We have but few sensible folks round about us. Now, you would hardly credit it, but my wife believes every fairy-tale that ever was written. I cannot account for it. She is a most sensible woman in everything else.”

“Very true! You talk like a reasonable guy, sir. We have very few reasonable people around here. Now, you wouldn't believe it, but my wife believes every fairy tale that’s ever been written. I can't explain it. She’s a really sensible woman in every other way.”

“But should not that make you treat her belief with something of respect, though you cannot share in it yourself?”

“But shouldn’t that make you treat her belief with some respect, even if you can’t share it yourself?”

“Yes, that is all very well in theory; but when you come to live every day in the midst of absurdity, it is far less easy to behave respectfully to it. Why, my wife actually believes the story of the ‘White Cat.’ You know it, I dare say.”

“Yes, that sounds great in theory; but when you have to deal with absurdity every day, it's much harder to treat it with respect. Can you believe my wife actually thinks the story of the ‘White Cat’ is true? You know it, I’m sure.”

“I read all these tales when a child, and know that one especially well.”

“I read all these stories as a kid, and I remember that one really well.”

“But, father,” interposed the little girl in the chimney-corner, “you know quite well that mother is descended from that very princess who was changed by the wicked fairy into a white cat. Mother has told me so a many times, and you ought to believe everything she says.”

“But, Dad,” piped up the little girl in the corner by the fireplace, “you know that Mom is actually descended from that very princess who was turned into a white cat by the evil fairy. Mom has told me that so many times, and you should believe everything she says.”

“I can easily believe that,” rejoined the farmer, with another fit of laughter; “for, the other night, a mouse came gnawing and scratching beneath the floor, and would not let us go to sleep. Your mother sprang out of bed, and going as near it as she could, mewed so infernally like a great cat, that the noise ceased instantly. I believe the poor mouse died of the fright, for we have never heard it again. Ha! ha! ha!”

“I can totally believe that,” replied the farmer, laughing again. “The other night, a mouse was gnawing and scratching under the floor, and it wouldn’t let us sleep. Your mom jumped out of bed and, getting as close as she could, meowed so loudly like a big cat that the noise stopped right away. I think the poor mouse died from the scare because we’ve never heard it again. Ha! ha! ha!”

The son, an ill-looking youth, who had entered during the conversation, joined in his father’s laugh; but his laugh was very different from the old man’s: it was polluted with a sneer. I watched him, and saw that, as soon as it was over, he looked scared, as if he dreaded some evil consequences to follow his presumption. The woman stood near, waiting till we should seat ourselves at the table, and listening to it all with an amused air, which had something in it of the look with which one listens to the sententious remarks of a pompous child. We sat down to supper, and I ate heartily. My bygone distresses began already to look far off.

The son, a sickly-looking young man who had entered during the conversation, joined his father's laughter; but his laugh was very different from the old man's: it had a mocking edge. I watched him and noticed that, as soon as it faded, he looked uneasy, as if he feared some bad consequences for his arrogance. The woman stood nearby, waiting for us to sit down at the table, listening with an amused expression, similar to how one listens to the pompous comments of a pretentious child. We sat down for supper, and I ate with gusto. My past troubles started to feel distant.

“In what direction are you going?” asked the old man.

“In which direction are you headed?” asked the old man.

“Eastward,” I replied; nor could I have given a more definite answer. “Does the forest extend much further in that direction?”

“East,” I answered; and I couldn't have given a clearer response. “Does the forest go much further in that direction?”

“Oh! for miles and miles; I do not know how far. For although I have lived on the borders of it all my life, I have been too busy to make journeys of discovery into it. Nor do I see what I could discover. It is only trees and trees, till one is sick of them. By the way, if you follow the eastward track from here, you will pass close to what the children say is the very house of the ogre that Hop-o’-my-Thumb visited, and ate his little daughters with the crowns of gold.”

“Oh! for miles and miles; I don’t know how far. Even though I’ve lived on the edge of it my whole life, I’ve been too busy to explore it. And I don’t think there’s much to discover. It’s just trees and more trees, until you get sick of them. By the way, if you take the eastward path from here, you’ll come close to what the kids say is the actual house of the ogre that Hop-o’-my-Thumb visited, who ate his little daughters with the golden crowns.”

“Oh, father! ate his little daughters! No; he only changed their gold crowns for nightcaps; and the great long-toothed ogre killed them in mistake; but I do not think even he ate them, for you know they were his own little ogresses.”

“Oh, dad! He ate his little daughters! No; he just swapped their gold crowns for nightcaps; and the huge long-toothed ogre accidentally killed them; but I don't think he even ate them, because you know they were his own little ogresses.”

“Well, well, child; you know all about it a great deal better than I do. However, the house has, of course, in such a foolish neighbourhood as this, a bad enough name; and I must confess there is a woman living in it, with teeth long enough, and white enough too, for the lineal descendant of the greatest ogre that ever was made. I think you had better not go near her.”

“Well, well, kid; you know a lot more about it than I do. But the house has, of course, in such a ridiculous neighborhood as this, a pretty bad reputation; and I have to admit there’s a woman living in it, with teeth long enough and white enough to be a direct descendant of the greatest ogre ever made. I think you’d be better off staying away from her.”

In such talk as this the night wore on. When supper was finished, which lasted some time, my hostess conducted me to my chamber.

In conversations like this, the night went on. After we finished dinner, which took a while, my hostess showed me to my room.

“If you had not had enough of it already,” she said, “I would have put you in another room, which looks towards the forest; and where you would most likely have seen something more of its inhabitants. For they frequently pass the window, and even enter the room sometimes. Strange creatures spend whole nights in it, at certain seasons of the year. I am used to it, and do not mind it. No more does my little girl, who sleeps in it always. But this room looks southward towards the open country, and they never show themselves here; at least I never saw any.”

“If you hadn't had enough of it already,” she said, “I would have put you in another room that faces the forest, where you would probably see more of its inhabitants. They often pass by the window and even come into the room sometimes. Strange creatures spend entire nights here during certain seasons. I'm used to it and don’t mind. My little girl doesn’t mind it either; she always sleeps in there. But this room faces south towards the open countryside, and they never appear here; at least, I’ve never seen any.”

I was somewhat sorry not to gather any experience that I might have, of the inhabitants of Fairy Land; but the effect of the farmer’s company, and of my own later adventures, was such, that I chose rather an undisturbed night in my more human quarters; which, with their clean white curtains and white linen, were very inviting to my weariness.

I felt a bit disappointed that I didn't get to experience more of the inhabitants of Fairy Land. However, the farmer's company and my own recent adventures made me decide to opt for a peaceful night in my more human space, which, with its clean white curtains and white linen, was really welcoming to my exhaustion.

In the morning I awoke refreshed, after a profound and dreamless sleep. The sun was high, when I looked out of the window, shining over a wide, undulating, cultivated country. Various garden-vegetables were growing beneath my window. Everything was radiant with clear sunlight. The dew-drops were sparkling their busiest; the cows in a near-by field were eating as if they had not been at it all day yesterday; the maids were singing at their work as they passed to and fro between the out-houses: I did not believe in Fairy Land. I went down, and found the family already at breakfast. But before I entered the room where they sat, the little girl came to me, and looked up in my face, as though she wanted to say something to me. I stooped towards her; she put her arms round my neck, and her mouth to my ear, and whispered—

In the morning, I woke up feeling refreshed after a deep and dreamless sleep. The sun was high in the sky when I looked out the window, shining over a wide, rolling, farmed landscape. Various garden vegetables were growing beneath my window. Everything was lit up by bright sunlight. The dew drops were sparkling like crazy; the cows in a nearby field were eating like they hadn’t grazed all day yesterday; the maids were singing as they moved back and forth between the outbuildings. I didn't believe in Fairy Land. I went downstairs and found the family already having breakfast. But before I entered the room where they sat, the little girl came up to me and looked up at my face, as if she wanted to say something. I bent down towards her; she wrapped her arms around my neck, put her mouth to my ear, and whispered—

“A white lady has been flitting about the house all night.”

“A white woman has been moving around the house all night.”

“No whispering behind doors!” cried the farmer; and we entered together. “Well, how have you slept? No bogies, eh?”

“No whispering behind doors!” shouted the farmer; and we went in together. “So, how did you sleep? No monsters, right?”

“Not one, thank you; I slept uncommonly well.”

“Not one, thanks; I slept really well.”

“I am glad to hear it. Come and breakfast.”

“I’m happy to hear that. Come have breakfast.”

After breakfast, the farmer and his son went out; and I was left alone with the mother and daughter.

After breakfast, the farmer and his son went out, and I was left alone with the mother and daughter.

“When I looked out of the window this morning,” I said, “I felt almost certain that Fairy Land was all a delusion of my brain; but whenever I come near you or your little daughter, I feel differently. Yet I could persuade myself, after my last adventures, to go back, and have nothing more to do with such strange beings.”

“When I looked out of the window this morning,” I said, “I felt pretty sure that Fairy Land was just a trick of my mind; but every time I’m around you or your little daughter, I feel differently. Still, after my last adventures, I could convince myself to walk away and not get involved with such strange beings again.”

“How will you go back?” said the woman.

“How are you going to go back?” the woman asked.

“Nay, that I do not know.”

"Nope, I don't know that."

“Because I have heard, that, for those who enter Fairy Land, there is no way of going back. They must go on, and go through it. How, I do not in the least know.”

“Because I have heard that for those who enter Fairy Land, there’s no way back. They have to keep going and go through it. How, I have no idea.”

“That is quite the impression on my own mind. Something compels me to go on, as if my only path was onward, but I feel less inclined this morning to continue my adventures.”

“That really makes an impact on me. Something is pushing me to keep going, as if my only option is to move forward, but this morning I’m feeling less motivated to continue my adventures.”

“Will you come and see my little child’s room? She sleeps in the one I told you of, looking towards the forest.”

“Will you come and see my daughter’s room? She sleeps in the one I mentioned, facing the forest.”

“Willingly,” I said.

“Sure,” I said.

So we went together, the little girl running before to open the door for us. It was a large room, full of old-fashioned furniture, that seemed to have once belonged to some great house.

So we went together, the little girl running ahead to open the door for us. It was a big room, filled with old-fashioned furniture, that seemed to have once belonged to a grand house.

The window was built with a low arch, and filled with lozenge-shaped panes. The wall was very thick, and built of solid stone. I could see that part of the house had been erected against the remains of some old castle or abbey, or other great building; the fallen stones of which had probably served to complete it. But as soon as I looked out of the window, a gush of wonderment and longing flowed over my soul like the tide of a great sea. Fairy Land lay before me, and drew me towards it with an irresistible attraction. The trees bathed their great heads in the waves of the morning, while their roots were planted deep in gloom; save where on the borders the sunshine broke against their stems, or swept in long streams through their avenues, washing with brighter hue all the leaves over which it flowed; revealing the rich brown of the decayed leaves and fallen pine-cones, and the delicate greens of the long grasses and tiny forests of moss that covered the channel over which it passed in motionless rivers of light. I turned hurriedly to bid my hostess farewell without further delay. She smiled at my haste, but with an anxious look.

The window had a low arch and was filled with diamond-shaped panes. The wall was really thick, made of solid stone. I could see that part of the house had been built against the remains of some old castle or abbey, or another large building; the fallen stones from it probably helped complete the structure. But as soon as I looked out the window, a wave of wonder and longing washed over me like the tide of a vast ocean. Fairy Land stretched out before me, pulling me in with an irresistible allure. The trees soaked up the morning light, their roots buried deep in shadow, except where the sunlight splashed against their trunks or streamed through their paths, brightening all the leaves it touched; revealing the rich brown of decayed leaves and fallen pinecones, along with the delicate greens of long grasses and tiny patches of moss that blanketed the ground like still rivers of light. I turned quickly to say goodbye to my hostess without any more delay. She smiled at my hurry, but there was a worried look in her eyes.

“You had better not go near the house of the ogre, I think. My son will show you into another path, which will join the first beyond it.”

“You really shouldn’t go near the ogre's house, I think. My son will guide you along another path that connects to the first one beyond it.”

Not wishing to be headstrong or too confident any more, I agreed; and having taken leave of my kind entertainers, went into the wood, accompanied by the youth. He scarcely spoke as we went along; but he led me through the trees till we struck upon a path. He told me to follow it, and, with a muttered “good morning” left me.

Not wanting to be stubborn or overly confident anymore, I agreed; and after saying goodbye to my kind hosts, I went into the woods with the young man. He barely said a word as we walked, but he guided me through the trees until we found a path. He told me to follow it and, with a quiet "good morning," left me.

CHAPTER VIII

“I am a part of the part, which at first was the whole.”
          GOETHE.—Mephistopheles in Faust.

“I am a part of the part, which at first was the whole.”
          GOETHE.—Mephistopheles in Faust.

My spirits rose as I went deeper; into the forest; but I could not regain my former elasticity of mind. I found cheerfulness to be like life itself—not to be created by any argument. Afterwards I learned, that the best way to manage some kinds of pain filled thoughts, is to dare them to do their worst; to let them lie and gnaw at your heart till they are tired; and you find you still have a residue of life they cannot kill. So, better and worse, I went on, till I came to a little clearing in the forest. In the middle of this clearing stood a long, low hut, built with one end against a single tall cypress, which rose like a spire to the building. A vague misgiving crossed my mind when I saw it; but I must needs go closer, and look through a little half-open door, near the opposite end from the cypress. Window I saw none. On peeping in, and looking towards the further end, I saw a lamp burning, with a dim, reddish flame, and the head of a woman, bent downwards, as if reading by its light. I could see nothing more for a few moments. At length, as my eyes got used to the dimness of the place, I saw that the part of the rude building near me was used for household purposes; for several rough utensils lay here and there, and a bed stood in the corner.

My spirits lifted as I ventured deeper into the forest, but I couldn’t quite regain my previous sense of enthusiasm. I realized that cheerfulness is like life itself—it can't be manufactured through reasoning. Later, I learned that the best way to handle certain painful thoughts is to challenge them to do their worst; to let them linger and gnaw at your heart until they’re exhausted, and you discover that there’s still a spark of life they can’t extinguish. So, whether it was better or worse, I kept moving until I reached a small clearing. In the center of this clearing stood a long, low hut, built against a single tall cypress that towered above like a spire. A vague feeling of unease crossed my mind when I saw it, but I had to get closer and peek through a slightly open door at the opposite end from the cypress. I didn’t see any windows. As I looked in and focused on the far end, I noticed a lamp burning with a dim, reddish flame, and the head of a woman bent down as if she were reading by its light. For a moment, I couldn't see anything else. Eventually, as my eyes adjusted to the dimness, I realized that the section of the rough building near me was used for household purposes; various crude utensils were scattered around, and a bed stood in the corner.

An irresistible attraction caused me to enter. The woman never raised her face, the upper part of which alone I could see distinctly; but, as soon as I stepped within the threshold, she began to read aloud, in a low and not altogether unpleasing voice, from an ancient little volume which she held open with one hand on the table upon which stood the lamp. What she read was something like this:

An irresistible draw pulled me in. The woman never lifted her face, the top portion being the only part I could clearly see; but as soon as I crossed the threshold, she started reading aloud, in a soft and somewhat pleasant voice, from an old little book that she held open with one hand on the table where the lamp was placed. What she read sounded something like this:

“So, then, as darkness had no beginning, neither will it ever have an end. So, then, is it eternal. The negation of aught else, is its affirmation. Where the light cannot come, there abideth the darkness. The light doth but hollow a mine out of the infinite extension of the darkness. And ever upon the steps of the light treadeth the darkness; yea, springeth in fountains and wells amidst it, from the secret channels of its mighty sea. Truly, man is but a passing flame, moving unquietly amid the surrounding rest of night; without which he yet could not be, and whereof he is in part compounded.”

“So, just as darkness had no beginning, it will also never have an end. Therefore, it is eternal. The negation of anything else affirms it. Where light cannot reach, darkness remains. Light merely carves out a space from the infinite expanse of darkness. And always, darkness follows in the footsteps of light; it springs up in fountains and wells within it, from the hidden channels of its vast sea. Truly, humanity is just a fleeting flame, moving restlessly among the surrounding stillness of night; without which it could not exist, and of which it is partially made.”

As I drew nearer, and she read on, she moved a little to turn a leaf of the dark old volume, and I saw that her face was sallow and slightly forbidding. Her forehead was high, and her black eyes repressedly quiet. But she took no notice of me. This end of the cottage, if cottage it could be called, was destitute of furniture, except the table with the lamp, and the chair on which the woman sat. In one corner was a door, apparently of a cupboard in the wall, but which might lead to a room beyond. Still the irresistible desire which had made me enter the building urged me: I must open that door, and see what was beyond it. I approached, and laid my hand on the rude latch. Then the woman spoke, but without lifting her head or looking at me: “You had better not open that door.” This was uttered quite quietly; and she went on with her reading, partly in silence, partly aloud; but both modes seemed equally intended for herself alone. The prohibition, however, only increased my desire to see; and as she took no further notice, I gently opened the door to its full width, and looked in. At first, I saw nothing worthy of attention. It seemed a common closet, with shelves on each hand, on which stood various little necessaries for the humble uses of a cottage. In one corner stood one or two brooms, in another a hatchet and other common tools; showing that it was in use every hour of the day for household purposes. But, as I looked, I saw that there were no shelves at the back, and that an empty space went in further; its termination appearing to be a faintly glimmering wall or curtain, somewhat less, however, than the width and height of the doorway where I stood. But, as I continued looking, for a few seconds, towards this faintly luminous limit, my eyes came into true relation with their object. All at once, with such a shiver as when one is suddenly conscious of the presence of another in a room where he has, for hours, considered himself alone, I saw that the seemingly luminous extremity was a sky, as of night, beheld through the long perspective of a narrow, dark passage, through what, or built of what, I could not tell. As I gazed, I clearly discerned two or three stars glimmering faintly in the distant blue. But, suddenly, and as if it had been running fast from a far distance for this very point, and had turned the corner without abating its swiftness, a dark figure sped into and along the passage from the blue opening at the remote end. I started back and shuddered, but kept looking, for I could not help it. On and on it came, with a speedy approach but delayed arrival; till, at last, through the many gradations of approach, it seemed to come within the sphere of myself, rushed up to me, and passed me into the cottage. All I could tell of its appearance was, that it seemed to be a dark human figure. Its motion was entirely noiseless, and might be called a gliding, were it not that it appeared that of a runner, but with ghostly feet. I had moved back yet a little to let him pass me, and looked round after him instantly. I could not see him.

As I got closer and she kept reading, she shifted slightly to turn a page of the dark old book, and I noticed her face was pale and somewhat unwelcoming. Her forehead was high, and her black eyes were quietly reserved. But she didn't acknowledge me. This end of the cottage, if you could even call it that, had no furniture except for the table with the lamp and the chair the woman was sitting on. In one corner was a door, which looked like it led to a cupboard in the wall, but it could lead to another room. Still, my unshakeable curiosity that had made me enter the building pushed me on: I had to open that door and see what was behind it. I stepped closer and put my hand on the rough latch. Then the woman spoke without lifting her head or looking at me: “You’d better not open that door.” She said it calmly and continued her reading, partly in silence, partly out loud; but both ways seemed to be meant only for herself. However, the warning only heightened my urge to see, and since she didn’t pay any more attention to me, I gently opened the door fully and looked inside. At first, I didn’t see anything worth noticing. It looked like a regular closet, with shelves on either side holding various items for a cottage's simple needs. In one corner were one or two brooms, and in another, a hatchet and some ordinary tools; indicating it was used frequently for household tasks. But as I kept looking, I noticed there were no shelves at the back and that an empty space extended deeper, ending in a faintly glowing wall or curtain that seemed a bit smaller than the width and height of the doorway where I stood. As I gazed at this faintly glowing limit for a few seconds, my eyes adjusted to the sight. Suddenly, like the chilling moment when you realize you’re not alone in a room you thought was empty, I saw that the glowing end was actually a night sky viewed through the long perspective of a narrow, dark passage, though I couldn’t tell what it was made of. As I watched, I could clearly see two or three stars faintly shining in the distant blue. But then, abruptly, as if it had been rushing from far away just to reach this point, a dark figure darted into the passage from the blue opening at the far end. I jumped back and shivered, but I couldn’t look away. It came towards me quickly but seemed to take its time arriving; until finally, with many stages of approach, it appeared to come within my reach, rushed up to me, and passed into the cottage. All I could make out about its appearance was that it looked like a dark human figure. Its movement was entirely silent and could be described as gliding, except it seemed more like that of a runner, but with ghostly feet. I had moved back slightly to let it pass and quickly looked around for it afterward. I couldn’t see it.

“Where is he?” I said, in some alarm, to the woman, who still sat reading.

“Where is he?” I asked, a bit alarmed, looking at the woman who was still reading.

“There, on the floor, behind you,” she said, pointing with her arm half-outstretched, but not lifting her eyes. I turned and looked, but saw nothing. Then with a feeling that there was yet something behind me, I looked round over my shoulder; and there, on the ground, lay a black shadow, the size of a man. It was so dark, that I could see it in the dim light of the lamp, which shone full upon it, apparently without thinning at all the intensity of its hue.

“There, on the floor, behind you,” she said, pointing with her arm half-outstretched but not looking up. I turned and looked, but saw nothing. Then feeling that there was still something behind me, I glanced over my shoulder; and there, on the ground lay a black shadow, the size of a man. It was so dark that I could see it in the dim light of the lamp, which shone directly on it, seemingly without reducing the intensity of its color at all.

“I told you,” said the woman, “you had better not look into that closet.”

“I told you,” said the woman, “you really shouldn’t look in that closet.”

“What is it?” I said, with a growing sense of horror.

“What is it?” I said, feeling more and more terrified.

“It is only your shadow that has found you,” she replied. “Everybody’s shadow is ranging up and down looking for him. I believe you call it by a different name in your world: yours has found you, as every person’s is almost certain to do who looks into that closet, especially after meeting one in the forest, whom I dare say you have met.”

“It’s just your shadow that’s found you,” she said. “Everyone’s shadow is wandering around looking for them. I think you call it something else in your world: yours has found you, just like everyone else’s usually does when they look in that closet, especially after running into someone in the forest, whom I suppose you’ve met.”

Here, for the first time, she lifted her head, and looked full at me: her mouth was full of long, white, shining teeth; and I knew that I was in the house of the ogre. I could not speak, but turned and left the house, with the shadow at my heels. “A nice sort of valet to have,” I said to myself bitterly, as I stepped into the sunshine, and, looking over my shoulder, saw that it lay yet blacker in the full blaze of the sunlight. Indeed, only when I stood between it and the sun, was the blackness at all diminished. I was so bewildered—stunned—both by the event itself and its suddenness, that I could not at all realise to myself what it would be to have such a constant and strange attendance; but with a dim conviction that my present dislike would soon grow to loathing, I took my dreary way through the wood.

Here, for the first time, she lifted her head and looked directly at me: her mouth was full of long, white, shiny teeth, and I knew that I was in the ogre's house. I couldn't speak, so I turned and left the house, with the shadow following me. “What a nice kind of servant to have,” I thought bitterly as I stepped into the sunlight, and, glancing back, saw that it was still darker in the full glare of the sun. In fact, only when I stood between it and the sun did the darkness lessen at all. I was so confused—stunned—by the event itself and its suddenness that I couldn't truly grasp what it would be like to have such a constant and strange presence; but with a vague feeling that my current dislike would soon turn to hatred, I trudged through the woods.

CHAPTER IX

“O lady! we receive but what we give,
And in our life alone does nature live:
Ours is her wedding garments ours her shroud!
. . . . .
    Ah! from the soul itself must issue forth,
A light, a glory, a fair luminous cloud,
    Enveloping the Earth—
And from the soul itself must there be sent
    A sweet and potent voice of its own birth,
Of all sweet sounds the life and element!”
          COLERIDGE.

“O lady! We only get what we give,
And in our lives alone does nature exist:
Ours are her wedding outfits, ours her burial shroud!
. . . . .
    Ah! From the soul itself must come forth,
A light, a glory, a beautiful luminous cloud,
    Enveloping the Earth—
And from the soul itself must there be sent
    A sweet and powerful voice of its own creation,
Of all sweet sounds the essence and life!”
          COLERIDGE.

From this time, until I arrived at the palace of Fairy Land, I can attempt no consecutive account of my wanderings and adventures. Everything, henceforward, existed for me in its relation to my attendant. What influence he exercised upon everything into contact with which I was brought, may be understood from a few detached instances. To begin with this very day on which he first joined me: after I had walked heartlessly along for two or three hours, I was very weary, and lay down to rest in a most delightful part of the forest, carpeted with wild flowers. I lay for half an hour in a dull repose, and then got up to pursue my way. The flowers on the spot where I had lain were crushed to the earth: but I saw that they would soon lift their heads and rejoice again in the sun and air. Not so those on which my shadow had lain. The very outline of it could be traced in the withered lifeless grass, and the scorched and shrivelled flowers which stood there, dead, and hopeless of any resurrection. I shuddered, and hastened away with sad forebodings.

From that moment until I reached the palace of Fairy Land, I can’t provide a clear account of my travels and experiences. From now on, everything existed in relation to my companion. The impact he had on everything I encountered can be understood through a few examples. To start with the very day he joined me: after walking aimlessly for two or three hours, I was extremely tired and lay down to rest in a beautiful part of the forest, covered in wildflowers. I rested there for half an hour, then got up to continue my journey. The flowers where I had lain were flattened against the ground, but I could see they would soon stand tall again in the sun and air. That wasn’t the case for the area where my shadow had fallen. The very shape of it was marked in the withered grass, and the scorched, dried flowers that were there looked dead and showed no signs of coming back to life. I shuddered and hurried away, filled with sad forebodings.

In a few days, I had reason to dread an extension of its baleful influences from the fact, that it was no longer confined to one position in regard to myself. Hitherto, when seized with an irresistible desire to look on my evil demon (which longing would unaccountably seize me at any moment, returning at longer or shorter intervals, sometimes every minute), I had to turn my head backwards, and look over my shoulder; in which position, as long as I could retain it, I was fascinated. But one day, having come out on a clear grassy hill, which commanded a glorious prospect, though of what I cannot now tell, my shadow moved round, and came in front of me. And, presently, a new manifestation increased my distress. For it began to coruscate, and shoot out on all sides a radiation of dim shadow. These rays of gloom issued from the central shadow as from a black sun, lengthening and shortening with continual change. But wherever a ray struck, that part of earth, or sea, or sky, became void, and desert, and sad to my heart. On this, the first development of its new power, one ray shot out beyond the rest, seeming to lengthen infinitely, until it smote the great sun on the face, which withered and darkened beneath the blow. I turned away and went on. The shadow retreated to its former position; and when I looked again, it had drawn in all its spears of darkness, and followed like a dog at my heels.

In a few days, I found myself dreading the expansion of its harmful influences because it was no longer just in one place concerning me. Until then, whenever I felt an overwhelming urge to see my evil demon (a longing that could strike me at any moment, returning at intervals, sometimes even every minute), I had to turn my head back and look over my shoulder; as long as I could hold that position, I was mesmerized. But one day, I stood on a clear grassy hill with a beautiful view, though I can't remember what it was now, and my shadow moved around to stand in front of me. Soon, a new development increased my distress. It began to sparkle and radiate shadow in all directions. These dark rays emerged from the central shadow like a black sun, lengthening and shortening in constant flux. But every time a ray touched the earth, sea, or sky, that area turned empty, desolate, and sorrowful to my heart. In this initial manifestation of its new power, one ray shot out farther than the others, seeming to stretch endlessly until it struck the sun on the face, which then withered and darkened from the impact. I turned away and continued on my way. The shadow returned to its previous position, and when I looked again, it had pulled back all its dark rays and was following me like a dog at my heels.

Once, as I passed by a cottage, there came out a lovely fairy child, with two wondrous toys, one in each hand. The one was the tube through which the fairy-gifted poet looks when he beholds the same thing everywhere; the other that through which he looks when he combines into new forms of loveliness those images of beauty which his own choice has gathered from all regions wherein he has travelled. Round the child’s head was an aureole of emanating rays. As I looked at him in wonder and delight, round crept from behind me the something dark, and the child stood in my shadow. Straightway he was a commonplace boy, with a rough broad-brimmed straw hat, through which brim the sun shone from behind. The toys he carried were a multiplying-glass and a kaleidoscope. I sighed and departed.

Once, as I walked past a cottage, a beautiful fairy child came out, holding two amazing toys, one in each hand. One was the lens through which the fairy-gifted poet sees the same thing everywhere; the other was the lens he uses to merge those images of beauty he has collected from all the places he has traveled into new, lovely forms. Around the child's head was a halo of rays of light. As I gazed at him in wonder and delight, something dark crept up behind me, and the child stood in my shadow. Suddenly, he was just an ordinary boy, wearing a rough, wide-brimmed straw hat that let the sunlight shine through from behind. The toys he had were a magnifying glass and a kaleidoscope. I sighed and left.

One evening, as a great silent flood of western gold flowed through an avenue in the woods, down the stream, just as when I saw him first, came the sad knight, riding on his chestnut steed.

One evening, as a huge, quiet wave of golden sunset light streamed through a path in the woods, just like when I first saw him, the sad knight rode in on his chestnut horse.

But his armour did not shine half so red as when I saw him first.

But his armor didn't shine nearly as red as when I first saw him.

Many a blow of mighty sword and axe, turned aside by the strength of his mail, and glancing adown the surface, had swept from its path the fretted rust, and the glorious steel had answered the kindly blow with the thanks of returning light. These streaks and spots made his armour look like the floor of a forest in the sunlight. His forehead was higher than before, for the contracting wrinkles were nearly gone; and the sadness that remained on his face was the sadness of a dewy summer twilight, not that of a frosty autumn morn. He, too, had met the Alder-maiden as I, but he had plunged into the torrent of mighty deeds, and the stain was nearly washed away. No shadow followed him. He had not entered the dark house; he had not had time to open the closet door. “Will he ever look in?” I said to myself. “Must his shadow find him some day?” But I could not answer my own questions.

Many blows from strong swords and axes had been deflected by the strength of his armor, the surface reflecting the light and sweeping away the rust. His armor gleamed like a sunlit forest floor. His forehead was higher than before, as the deep wrinkles had mostly faded; the sadness on his face resembled a dewy summer twilight rather than a chilly autumn morning. He, too, had encountered the Alder-maiden like I did, but he had thrown himself into a whirlwind of great deeds, and the mark of that encounter was nearly gone. No shadow trailed behind him. He hadn’t stepped into the dark house; he hadn't even had time to open the closet door. “Will he ever look inside?” I thought to myself. “Will his shadow eventually catch up to him?” But I couldn’t find an answer to my own questions.

We travelled together for two days, and I began to love him. It was plain that he suspected my story in some degree; and I saw him once or twice looking curiously and anxiously at my attendant gloom, which all this time had remained very obsequiously behind me; but I offered no explanation, and he asked none. Shame at my neglect of his warning, and a horror which shrunk from even alluding to its cause, kept me silent; till, on the evening of the second day, some noble words from my companion roused all my heart; and I was at the point of falling on his neck, and telling him the whole story; seeking, if not for helpful advice, for of that I was hopeless, yet for the comfort of sympathy—when round slid the shadow and inwrapt my friend; and I could not trust him.

We traveled together for two days, and I started to love him. It was clear he suspected something about my story; I caught him looking at my gloomy expression with curiosity and concern a couple of times, but I didn’t offer any explanation, and he didn’t ask. Shame over ignoring his warning, along with a dread that made me shy away from even mentioning its cause, kept me quiet; until, on the evening of the second day, some inspiring words from my companion stirred my heart; I was close to throwing my arms around him and sharing my whole story, not really hoping for helpful advice—since I felt that was hopeless—just seeking the comfort of sympathy—when suddenly, a shadow came over him, and I couldn’t trust him.

The glory of his brow vanished; the light of his eye grew cold; and I held my peace. The next morning we parted.

The pride in his expression faded; the spark in his eyes turned dull; and I stayed silent. The next morning, we said our goodbyes.

But the most dreadful thing of all was, that I now began to feel something like satisfaction in the presence of the shadow. I began to be rather vain of my attendant, saying to myself, “In a land like this, with so many illusions everywhere, I need his aid to disenchant the things around me. He does away with all appearances, and shows me things in their true colour and form. And I am not one to be fooled with the vanities of the common crowd. I will not see beauty where there is none. I will dare to behold things as they are. And if I live in a waste instead of a paradise, I will live knowing where I live.” But of this a certain exercise of his power which soon followed quite cured me, turning my feelings towards him once more into loathing and distrust. It was thus:

But the worst part was that I started to feel some sort of satisfaction in the presence of the shadow. I began to take pride in my companion, telling myself, “In a place like this, filled with so many illusions, I need his help to see through the nonsense around me. He strips away all the facades and reveals things in their true color and form. I won’t be fooled by the vanities of the ordinary crowd. I won’t see beauty where there isn’t any. I’ll dare to face things as they really are. And if I live in a wasteland instead of a paradise, at least I’ll know that’s where I am.” But a certain demonstration of his power that followed quickly changed my mind, turning my feelings back to hatred and distrust. It went like this:

One bright noon, a little maiden joined me, coming through the wood in a direction at right angles to my path. She came along singing and dancing, happy as a child, though she seemed almost a woman. In her hands—now in one, now in another—she carried a small globe, bright and clear as the purest crystal. This seemed at once her plaything and her greatest treasure. At one moment, you would have thought her utterly careless of it, and at another, overwhelmed with anxiety for its safety. But I believe she was taking care of it all the time, perhaps not least when least occupied about it. She stopped by me with a smile, and bade me good day with the sweetest voice. I felt a wonderful liking to the child—for she produced on me more the impression of a child, though my understanding told me differently. We talked a little, and then walked on together in the direction I had been pursuing. I asked her about the globe she carried, but getting no definite answer, I held out my hand to take it. She drew back, and said, but smiling almost invitingly the while, “You must not touch it;”—then, after a moment’s pause—“Or if you do, it must be very gently.” I touched it with a finger. A slight vibratory motion arose in it, accompanied, or perhaps manifested, by a faint sweet sound. I touched it again, and the sound increased. I touched it the third time: a tiny torrent of harmony rolled out of the little globe. She would not let me touch it any more.

One bright afternoon, a young girl joined me, coming through the woods at a right angle to my path. She was singing and dancing, happy like a child, even though she looked almost like a woman. In her hands—now in one, now in the other—she carried a small globe, bright and clear like the purest crystal. It seemed to be both her plaything and her most prized possession. At times, she seemed completely unconcerned about it, and at other moments, anxious for its safety. But I think she was taking care of it all along, maybe even when she appeared the least focused on it. She stopped by me with a smile and greeted me with the sweetest voice. I felt a strong fondness for her—she felt more like a child to me, even though my mind told me otherwise. We chatted for a bit, then walked together in the direction I was heading. I asked her about the globe she carried, but when I didn’t get a clear answer, I reached out my hand to take it. She pulled back and said, smiling almost invitingly, “You must not touch it;”—then after a brief pause—“Or if you do, it has to be very gentle.” I touched it with a finger, and it vibrated slightly, accompanied by a faint, sweet sound. I touched it again, and the sound grew louder. When I touched it the third time, a little cascade of harmony poured out of the globe. She wouldn’t let me touch it anymore.

We travelled on together all that day. She left me when twilight came on; but next day, at noon, she met me as before, and again we travelled till evening. The third day she came once more at noon, and we walked on together. Now, though we had talked about a great many things connected with Fairy Land, and the life she had led hitherto, I had never been able to learn anything about the globe. This day, however, as we went on, the shadow glided round and inwrapt the maiden. It could not change her. But my desire to know about the globe, which in his gloom began to waver as with an inward light, and to shoot out flashes of many-coloured flame, grew irresistible. I put out both my hands and laid hold of it. It began to sound as before. The sound rapidly increased, till it grew a low tempest of harmony, and the globe trembled, and quivered, and throbbed between my hands. I had not the heart to pull it away from the maiden, though I held it in spite of her attempts to take it from me; yes, I shame to say, in spite of her prayers, and, at last, her tears. The music went on growing in, intensity and complication of tones, and the globe vibrated and heaved; till at last it burst in our hands, and a black vapour broke upwards from out of it; then turned, as if blown sideways, and enveloped the maiden, hiding even the shadow in its blackness. She held fast the fragments, which I abandoned, and fled from me into the forest in the direction whence she had come, wailing like a child, and crying, “You have broken my globe; my globe is broken—my globe is broken!” I followed her, in the hope of comforting her; but had not pursued her far, before a sudden cold gust of wind bowed the tree-tops above us, and swept through their stems around us; a great cloud overspread the day, and a fierce tempest came on, in which I lost sight of her. It lies heavy on my heart to this hour. At night, ere I fall asleep, often, whatever I may be thinking about, I suddenly hear her voice, crying out, “You have broken my globe; my globe is broken; ah, my globe!”

We traveled together all day. She left me when twilight came, but the next day at noon, she found me again, and we traveled until evening. On the third day, she met me once more at noon, and we walked together. Even though we had talked about a lot of things related to Fairy Land and her life so far, I still hadn’t managed to learn anything about the globe. However, as we continued walking that day, the shadow wrapped around the girl. It couldn’t change her. But my curiosity about the globe, which in its darkness began to flicker with an inner light and flashed with many colors, became overwhelming. I reached out with both hands and grabbed it. It started to make the same sound as before. The sound quickly grew into a low storm of harmony, and the globe trembled, shook, and pulsed in my hands. I didn't have the heart to pull it away from the girl, even though I held it despite her attempts to take it back; yes, I’m ashamed to admit, even despite her pleas and, finally, her tears. The music continued to intensify and grow more complex, and the globe vibrated and swelled until it eventually exploded in our hands, releasing a dark vapor that rose up and then drifted sideways to envelop the girl, hiding even her shadow in its darkness. She held tightly to the pieces I abandoned and ran away into the forest from where she had come, crying like a child, “You’ve broken my globe; my globe is broken—my globe is broken!” I followed her, hoping to comfort her, but I hadn’t chased her far before a sudden cold gust of wind bent the treetops above us and rushed through the branches around us; a large cloud covered the day, and a fierce storm began, causing me to lose sight of her. It weighs heavily on my heart to this day. At night, before I fall asleep, no matter what I’m thinking about, I suddenly hear her voice crying out, “You’ve broken my globe; my globe is broken; oh, my globe!”

Here I will mention one more strange thing; but whether this peculiarity was owing to my shadow at all, I am not able to assure myself. I came to a village, the inhabitants of which could not at first sight be distinguished from the dwellers in our land. They rather avoided than sought my company, though they were very pleasant when I addressed them. But at last I observed, that whenever I came within a certain distance of any one of them, which distance, however, varied with different individuals, the whole appearance of the person began to change; and this change increased in degree as I approached. When I receded to the former distance, the former appearance was restored. The nature of the change was grotesque, following no fixed rule. The nearest resemblance to it that I know, is the distortion produced in your countenance when you look at it as reflected in a concave or convex surface—say, either side of a bright spoon. Of this phenomenon I first became aware in rather a ludicrous way. My host’s daughter was a very pleasant pretty girl, who made herself more agreeable to me than most of those about me. For some days my companion-shadow had been less obtrusive than usual; and such was the reaction of spirits occasioned by the simple mitigation of torment, that, although I had cause enough besides to be gloomy, I felt light and comparatively happy. My impression is, that she was quite aware of the law of appearances that existed between the people of the place and myself, and had resolved to amuse herself at my expense; for one evening, after some jesting and raillery, she, somehow or other, provoked me to attempt to kiss her. But she was well defended from any assault of the kind. Her countenance became, of a sudden, absurdly hideous; the pretty mouth was elongated and otherwise amplified sufficiently to have allowed of six simultaneous kisses. I started back in bewildered dismay; she burst into the merriest fit of laughter, and ran from the room. I soon found that the same undefinable law of change operated between me and all the other villagers; and that, to feel I was in pleasant company, it was absolutely necessary for me to discover and observe the right focal distance between myself and each one with whom I had to do. This done, all went pleasantly enough. Whether, when I happened to neglect this precaution, I presented to them an equally ridiculous appearance, I did not ascertain; but I presume that the alteration was common to the approximating parties. I was likewise unable to determine whether I was a necessary party to the production of this strange transformation, or whether it took place as well, under the given circumstances, between the inhabitants themselves.

Here, I’ll mention one more odd thing; but I can't be sure if this strangeness was related to my shadow at all. I arrived in a village where the people looked just like those from our own land at first glance. They tended to avoid me rather than seek my company, although they were quite friendly when I spoke to them. Eventually, I noticed that whenever I got within a certain distance of any of them—though this distance varied with different individuals—their appearance would begin to change; and this change would intensify as I got closer. When I backed away to the original distance, they returned to their previous look. The nature of this change was bizarre, following no specific pattern. The closest comparison I can think of is how your face looks when reflected in a concave or convex surface—like the sides of a shiny spoon. I first realized this phenomenon in a rather funny way. My host’s daughter was a charming, pretty girl who was more pleasant to me than most of the others around. For a few days, my comforting shadow had been less intrusive than usual, and the relief from that torment lifted my spirits; even though I had plenty of reasons to be down, I felt light and relatively happy. I sensed that she was fully aware of the strange law of appearances between the villagers and me, and she seemed to have decided to have some fun at my expense. One evening, after some teasing and banter, she somehow got me to try to kiss her. But she was well-protected against any such move. Suddenly, her face turned absurdly ugly; her pretty mouth stretched and expanded, enough to allow for six simultaneous kisses. I stepped back in shock; she erupted into laughter and ran out of the room. I soon discovered that the same strange law of change affected all the villagers around me; to feel like I was in good company, I had to figure out and maintain the right distance between myself and each person I interacted with. Once I managed that, things went pretty smoothly. I didn’t find out if I looked just as ridiculous to them when I failed to keep that distance, but I assume the change affected both parties involved. I also couldn’t determine whether my presence was necessary for this odd transformation to happen or if it occurred between the villagers themselves under the same conditions.

CHAPTER X

“From Eden’s bowers the full-fed rivers flow,
To guide the outcasts to the land of woe:
Our Earth one little toiling streamlet yields.
To guide the wanderers to the happy fields.”

“From Eden’s gardens, the overflowing rivers flow,
To lead the outcasts to the land of misery:
Our Earth has just one small struggling stream.
To direct the wanderers to the joyful fields.”

After leaving this village, where I had rested for nearly a week, I travelled through a desert region of dry sand and glittering rocks, peopled principally by goblin-fairies. When I first entered their domains, and, indeed, whenever I fell in with another tribe of them, they began mocking me with offered handfuls of gold and jewels, making hideous grimaces at me, and performing the most antic homage, as if they thought I expected reverence, and meant to humour me like a maniac. But ever, as soon as one cast his eyes on the shadow behind me, he made a wry face, partly of pity, partly of contempt, and looked ashamed, as if he had been caught doing something inhuman; then, throwing down his handful of gold, and ceasing all his grimaces, he stood aside to let me pass in peace, and made signs to his companions to do the like. I had no inclination to observe them much, for the shadow was in my heart as well as at my heels. I walked listlessly and almost hopelessly along, till I arrived one day at a small spring; which, bursting cool from the heart of a sun-heated rock, flowed somewhat southwards from the direction I had been taking. I drank of this spring, and found myself wonderfully refreshed. A kind of love to the cheerful little stream arose in my heart. It was born in a desert; but it seemed to say to itself, “I will flow, and sing, and lave my banks, till I make my desert a paradise.” I thought I could not do better than follow it, and see what it made of it. So down with the stream I went, over rocky lands, burning with sunbeams. But the rivulet flowed not far, before a few blades of grass appeared on its banks, and then, here and there, a stunted bush. Sometimes it disappeared altogether under ground; and after I had wandered some distance, as near as I could guess, in the direction it seemed to take, I would suddenly hear it again, singing, sometimes far away to my right or left, amongst new rocks, over which it made new cataracts of watery melodies. The verdure on its banks increased as it flowed; other streams joined it; and at last, after many days’ travel, I found myself, one gorgeous summer evening, resting by the side of a broad river, with a glorious horse-chestnut tree towering above me, and dropping its blossoms, milk-white and rosy-red, all about me. As I sat, a gush of joy sprang forth in my heart, and over flowed at my eyes.

After leaving this village, where I had rested for almost a week, I traveled through a dry desert filled with sand and shiny rocks, mostly inhabited by goblin-fairies. When I first entered their territory, and whenever I encountered another tribe of them, they started mocking me by offering me handfuls of gold and jewels, making ugly faces, and doing ridiculous gestures, as if they thought I wanted their admiration and were trying to humor me like I was insane. But as soon as one of them noticed the shadow behind me, he made a face of both pity and contempt, looking ashamed as if he had been caught doing something terrible; then, he would drop his handful of gold, stop his antics, step aside to let me pass in peace, and gesture to his friends to do the same. I wasn’t keen on watching them too closely, because the shadow was in my heart as well as at my heels. I walked along aimlessly and almost hopelessly until one day I came across a small spring; it flowed coolly from the heart of a sun-heated rock, moving somewhat southward from where I had been heading. I drank from this spring and felt wonderfully refreshed. A kind of affection for the cheerful little stream grew in my heart. It was born in a desert, but it seemed to say to itself, “I will flow, and sing, and nourish my banks, until I turn my desert into a paradise.” I thought I couldn’t do better than follow it and see what it would create. So I went down along the stream, over rocky land burning in the sun. But the stream didn’t flow far before a few blades of grass appeared along its banks, and then, here and there, a scraggly bush. Sometimes it would disappear completely underground; after wandering some distance in the direction it seemed to take, I would suddenly hear it again, singing, sometimes far to my right or left, among new rocks, creating new cascades of watery melodies. The greenery along its banks increased as it flowed; other streams joined it; and finally, after many days of travel, I found myself, one beautiful summer evening, resting by the side of a wide river, with a magnificent horse-chestnut tree towering above me, dropping its milk-white and rosy-red blossoms all around me. As I sat there, a rush of joy filled my heart and overflowed from my eyes.

Through my tears, the whole landscape glimmered in such bewildering loveliness, that I felt as if I were entering Fairy Land for the first time, and some loving hand were waiting to cool my head, and a loving word to warm my heart. Roses, wild roses, everywhere! So plentiful were they, they not only perfumed the air, they seemed to dye it a faint rose-hue. The colour floated abroad with the scent, and clomb, and spread, until the whole west blushed and glowed with the gathered incense of roses. And my heart fainted with longing in my bosom.

Through my tears, the entire landscape sparkled with such incredible beauty that I felt like I was stepping into a magical realm for the first time, as if a gentle hand was there to cool my head and a kind word to warm my heart. Wild roses were everywhere! They were so abundant that they didn’t just fill the air with their fragrance; they seemed to tint it a soft shade of pink. The color floated through the air with the scent, spreading out until the whole western sky blushed and shone with the sweet essence of roses. And my heart ached with longing in my chest.

Could I but see the Spirit of the Earth, as I saw once the indwelling woman of the beech-tree, and my beauty of the pale marble, I should be content. Content!—Oh, how gladly would I die of the light of her eyes! Yea, I would cease to be, if that would bring me one word of love from the one mouth. The twilight sank around, and infolded me with sleep. I slept as I had not slept for months. I did not awake till late in the morning; when, refreshed in body and mind, I rose as from the death that wipes out the sadness of life, and then dies itself in the new morrow. Again I followed the stream; now climbing a steep rocky bank that hemmed it in; now wading through long grasses and wild flowers in its path; now through meadows; and anon through woods that crowded down to the very lip of the water.

If only I could see the Spirit of the Earth, like I once saw the woman living inside the beech tree, and my beautiful figure carved from pale marble, I would be satisfied. Satisfied!—Oh, how happily would I die from the light in her eyes! Yes, I would gladly cease to exist if that would bring me even one word of love from her lips. Twilight enveloped me and gently lulled me to sleep. I slept like I hadn't in months. I didn't wake up until late in the morning; when I finally got up, refreshed in body and mind, it felt like I had awakened from a death that erased the sorrow of life, only to die again with the arrival of a new day. Once more, I followed the stream; climbing a steep rocky bank that bordered it; wading through tall grass and wildflowers in its way; crossing meadows; and at times passing through woods that pressed right up against the water's edge.

At length, in a nook of the river, gloomy with the weight of overhanging foliage, and still and deep as a soul in which the torrent eddies of pain have hollowed a great gulf, and then, subsiding in violence, have left it full of a motionless, fathomless sorrow—I saw a little boat lying. So still was the water here, that the boat needed no fastening. It lay as if some one had just stepped ashore, and would in a moment return. But as there were no signs of presence, and no track through the thick bushes; and, moreover, as I was in Fairy Land where one does very much as he pleases, I forced my way to the brink, stepped into the boat, pushed it, with the help of the tree-branches, out into the stream, lay down in the bottom, and let my boat and me float whither the stream would carry us. I seemed to lose myself in the great flow of sky above me unbroken in its infinitude, except when now and then, coming nearer the shore at a bend in the river, a tree would sweep its mighty head silently above mine, and glide away back into the past, never more to fling its shadow over me. I fell asleep in this cradle, in which mother Nature was rocking her weary child; and while I slept, the sun slept not, but went round his arched way. When I awoke, he slept in the waters, and I went on my silent path beneath a round silvery moon. And a pale moon looked up from the floor of the great blue cave that lay in the abysmal silence beneath.

Finally, in a quiet spot by the river, darkened by the dense overhead foliage, and still and deep like a soul scarred by waves of pain that had carved out a vast emptiness, then crashed violently only to leave behind an overwhelming, motionless sorrow—I saw a small boat resting. The water here was so calm that the boat didn’t need to be tied up. It seemed like someone had just stepped ashore and would be back any moment. But since there were no signs of anyone around, no path through the thick bushes, and since I was in Fairy Land where I could do as I pleased, I pushed my way to the edge, stepped into the boat, and, using the branches of the trees, nudged it out into the current. I lay down in the bottom and let the river take me wherever it wanted. I felt myself getting lost in the vast expanse of sky above, uninterrupted in its endlessness, except for the occasional moment when, getting closer to the shore at a bend in the river, a tree would silently sweep its massive canopy over me and then drift away into the distance, never to cast its shadow over me again. I fell asleep in this cradle, rocked by Mother Nature, while the sun kept moving along its arc. When I finally woke up, the sun slept in the water, and I continued on my quiet journey beneath a round, silvery moon. A pale moon gazed up from the depths of the vast blue cave that lay in the deep silence below.

Why are all reflections lovelier than what we call the reality?—not so grand or so strong, it may be, but always lovelier? Fair as is the gliding sloop on the shining sea, the wavering, trembling, unresting sail below is fairer still. Yea, the reflecting ocean itself, reflected in the mirror, has a wondrousness about its waters that somewhat vanishes when I turn towards itself. All mirrors are magic mirrors. The commonest room is a room in a poem when I turn to the glass. (And this reminds me, while I write, of a strange story which I read in the fairy palace, and of which I will try to make a feeble memorial in its place.) In whatever way it may be accounted for, of one thing we may be sure, that this feeling is no cheat; for there is no cheating in nature and the simple unsought feelings of the soul. There must be a truth involved in it, though we may but in part lay hold of the meaning. Even the memories of past pain are beautiful; and past delights, though beheld only through clefts in the grey clouds of sorrow, are lovely as Fairy Land. But how have I wandered into the deeper fairyland of the soul, while as yet I only float towards the fairy palace of Fairy Land! The moon, which is the lovelier memory or reflex of the down-gone sun, the joyous day seen in the faint mirror of the brooding night, had rapt me away.

Why are all reflections more beautiful than what we call reality? They might not be as grand or strong, but they are always more lovely. As beautiful as the gliding sailboat on the shining sea is, the wavering, trembling, restless sail below is even more stunning. Yes, the ocean itself, mirrored in the glass, has a mesmerizing quality to its waters that somewhat fades when I look directly at it. All mirrors are magical. The simplest room becomes poetic when I face the glass. (This reminds me of a strange story I read in a fairy tale, which I'll attempt to recall in its place.) However it may be explained, one thing is certain: this feeling is genuine; there’s no deception in nature or the simple, unforced emotions of the soul. There must be a truth in it, even if we only grasp part of its meaning. Even memories of past pain are beautiful; and past joys, though seen merely through cracks in the grey clouds of sorrow, are as enchanting as Fairy Land. But how have I drifted into the deeper fairyland of the soul, when I only begin to float toward the fairy palace of Fairy Land? The moon, which is a more beautiful memory or reflection of the setting sun, the joyful day viewed in the faint mirror of the brooding night, has captivated me.

I sat up in the boat. Gigantic forest trees were about me; through which, like a silver snake, twisted and twined the great river. The little waves, when I moved in the boat, heaved and fell with a plash as of molten silver, breaking the image of the moon into a thousand morsels, fusing again into one, as the ripples of laughter die into the still face of joy. The sleeping woods, in undefined massiveness; the water that flowed in its sleep; and, above all, the enchantress moon, which had cast them all, with her pale eye, into the charmed slumber, sank into my soul, and I felt as if I had died in a dream, and should never more awake.

I sat up in the boat. Huge trees surrounded me; through them, like a silver snake, the great river twisted and turned. The little waves, when I moved in the boat, rose and fell with a splash like molten silver, shattering the reflection of the moon into a thousand pieces, only to blend back together again, just like the ripples of laughter fade into the calm face of joy. The sleeping woods, in their undefined massiveness; the water flowing in its slumber; and, above all, the enchanting moon, which had cast everything under her pale gaze into a magical sleep, sank into my soul, and I felt as if I had died in a dream and would never wake again.

From this I was partly aroused by a glimmering of white, that, through the trees on the left, vaguely crossed my vision, as I gazed upwards. But the trees again hid the object; and at the moment, some strange melodious bird took up its song, and sang, not an ordinary bird-song, with constant repetitions of the same melody, but what sounded like a continuous strain, in which one thought was expressed, deepening in intensity as evolved in progress. It sounded like a welcome already overshadowed with the coming farewell. As in all sweetest music, a tinge of sadness was in every note. Nor do we know how much of the pleasures even of life we owe to the intermingled sorrows. Joy cannot unfold the deepest truths, although deepest truth must be deepest joy. Cometh white-robed Sorrow, stooping and wan, and flingeth wide the doors she may not enter. Almost we linger with Sorrow for very love.

From this, I was partly drawn in by a flash of white that, through the trees on the left, briefly caught my eye as I looked up. But the trees hid the object again, and at that moment, a strange, beautiful bird began to sing. It wasn’t an ordinary bird song, repeating the same melody over and over, but something that felt like a continuous flow, expressing one deepening thought as it progressed. It sounded like a welcome already tinged with the upcoming farewell. Like all the sweetest music, every note carried a hint of sadness. And we don’t realize how much of life’s joy we owe to the sorrows mixed in. Joy can’t reveal the deepest truths, even though the deepest truth should bring the deepest joy. Here comes sorrow, dressed in white, leaning and pale, throwing open the doors she cannot enter. We almost cling to sorrow out of love.

As the song concluded the stream bore my little boat with a gentle sweep round a bend of the river; and lo! on a broad lawn, which rose from the water’s edge with a long green slope to a clear elevation from which the trees receded on all sides, stood a stately palace glimmering ghostly in the moonshine: it seemed to be built throughout of the whitest marble. There was no reflection of moonlight from windows—there seemed to be none; so there was no cold glitter; only, as I said, a ghostly shimmer. Numberless shadows tempered the shine, from column and balcony and tower. For everywhere galleries ran along the face of the buildings; wings were extended in many directions; and numberless openings, through which the moonbeams vanished into the interior, and which served both for doors and windows, had their separate balconies in front, communicating with a common gallery that rose on its own pillars. Of course, I did not discover all this from the river, and in the moonlight. But, though I was there for many days, I did not succeed in mastering the inner topography of the building, so extensive and complicated was it.

As the song ended, the stream carried my little boat gently around a bend in the river, and there on a wide lawn that sloped up from the water's edge, stood a grand palace shimmering eerily in the moonlight. It appeared to be made entirely of the whitest marble. There was no moonlight reflecting from the windows—there seemed to be none; so there was no harsh sparkle, just that ghostly glimmer I mentioned. Countless shadows softened the light from the columns, balconies, and towers. Galleries lined the facades of the buildings; wings extended in multiple directions; and numerous openings, where the moonbeams disappeared into the interior and served as both doors and windows, had their own balconies in front, connecting to a shared gallery resting on its own pillars. Of course, I didn’t realize all this from the river in the moonlight. But even though I was there for many days, I couldn’t figure out the building’s inner layout, as it was so vast and complex.

Here I wished to land, but the boat had no oars on board. However, I found that a plank, serving for a seat, was unfastened, and with that I brought the boat to the bank and scrambled on shore. Deep soft turf sank beneath my feet, as I went up the ascent towards the palace.

Here, I wanted to land, but the boat had no oars. However, I found a plank that was used as a seat, which was loose, and with that, I steered the boat to the shore and climbed out. The deep, soft grass sank under my feet as I walked up the slope toward the palace.

When I reached it, I saw that it stood on a great platform of marble, with an ascent, by broad stairs of the same, all round it. Arrived on the platform, I found there was an extensive outlook over the forest, which, however, was rather veiled than revealed by the moonlight.

When I got there, I saw it was set on a large marble platform, with wide marble stairs going up all around it. Once I reached the platform, I discovered a wide view of the forest, which was more obscured than illuminated by the moonlight.

Entering by a wide gateway, but without gates, into an inner court, surrounded on all sides by great marble pillars supporting galleries above, I saw a large fountain of porphyry in the middle, throwing up a lofty column of water, which fell, with a noise as of the fusion of all sweet sounds, into a basin beneath; overflowing which, it ran into a single channel towards the interior of the building. Although the moon was by this time so low in the west, that not a ray of her light fell into the court, over the height of the surrounding buildings; yet was the court lighted by a second reflex from the sun of other lands. For the top of the column of water, just as it spread to fall, caught the moonbeams, and like a great pale lamp, hung high in the night air, threw a dim memory of light (as it were) over the court below. This court was paved in diamonds of white and red marble. According to my custom since I entered Fairy Land, of taking for a guide whatever I first found moving in any direction, I followed the stream from the basin of the fountain. It led me to a great open door, beneath the ascending steps of which it ran through a low arch and disappeared. Entering here, I found myself in a great hall, surrounded with white pillars, and paved with black and white. This I could see by the moonlight, which, from the other side, streamed through open windows into the hall.

Entering through a wide, gate-less entrance into an inner courtyard, surrounded on all sides by impressive marble pillars that support galleries above, I saw a large fountain made of porphyry in the center, shooting up a tall column of water that fell with a sound like the blending of all beautiful music into a basin below; overflowing, it flowed into a single channel toward the interior of the building. Although the moon was now low in the west, casting no rays of light into the courtyard over the height of the surrounding buildings, the courtyard was illuminated by a second reflection from the sun of other lands. The top of the water column, just as it spread to fall, caught the moonbeams and, like a huge pale lamp hanging high in the night air, cast a faint memory of light over the courtyard below. The courtyard was paved with diamonds of white and red marble. Following my usual habit since entering Fairy Land of taking whatever first moves in any direction as my guide, I followed the stream from the fountain's basin. It led me to a large open door, beneath which it flowed through a low arch and disappeared. Upon entering, I found myself in a large hall, surrounded by white pillars and paved with black and white tiles. I could see this thanks to the moonlight streaming through open windows from the other side into the hall.

Its height I could not distinctly see. As soon as I entered, I had the feeling so common to me in the woods, that there were others there besides myself, though I could see no one, and heard no sound to indicate a presence. Since my visit to the Church of Darkness, my power of seeing the fairies of the higher orders had gradually diminished, until it had almost ceased. But I could frequently believe in their presence while unable to see them. Still, although I had company, and doubtless of a safe kind, it seemed rather dreary to spend the night in an empty marble hall, however beautiful, especially as the moon was near the going down, and it would soon be dark. So I began at the place where I entered, and walked round the hall, looking for some door or passage that might lead me to a more hospitable chamber. As I walked, I was deliciously haunted with the feeling that behind some one of the seemingly innumerable pillars, one who loved me was waiting for me. Then I thought she was following me from pillar to pillar as I went along; but no arms came out of the faint moonlight, and no sigh assured me of her presence.

I couldn't clearly see how tall it was. As soon as I walked in, I felt that familiar sensation I often have in the woods, that there were others there with me, even though I could see no one and heard no sounds to suggest anyone's presence. Ever since my visit to the Church of Darkness, my ability to see the fairies of the higher realms had gradually faded, almost to the point of disappearing. Still, I often believed in their presence even if I couldn't actually see them. However, even though I was not alone and likely in safe company, it felt rather dull to spend the night in an empty marble hall, no matter how beautiful it was, especially since the moon was about to set and darkness would soon follow. So I started from where I entered and walked around the hall, searching for a door or passage that might lead me to a more welcoming room. As I walked, I was pleasantly haunted by the feeling that someone who loved me was waiting behind one of the seemingly endless pillars. Then I thought she was following me from pillar to pillar as I moved, but no arms reached out from the faint moonlight, and no sigh confirmed her presence.

At length I came to an open corridor, into which I turned; notwithstanding that, in doing so, I left the light behind. Along this I walked with outstretched hands, groping my way, till, arriving at another corridor, which seemed to strike off at right angles to that in which I was, I saw at the end a faintly glimmering light, too pale even for moonshine, resembling rather a stray phosphorescence. However, where everything was white, a little light went a great way. So I walked on to the end, and a long corridor it was. When I came up to the light, I found that it proceeded from what looked like silver letters upon a door of ebony; and, to my surprise even in the home of wonder itself, the letters formed the words, The Chamber of Sir Anodos. Although I had as yet no right to the honours of a knight, I ventured to conclude that the chamber was indeed intended for me; and, opening the door without hesitation, I entered. Any doubt as to whether I was right in so doing, was soon dispelled. What to my dark eyes seemed a blaze of light, burst upon me. A fire of large pieces of some sweet-scented wood, supported by dogs of silver, was burning on the hearth, and a bright lamp stood on a table, in the midst of a plentiful meal, apparently awaiting my arrival. But what surprised me more than all, was, that the room was in every respect a copy of my own room, the room whence the little stream from my basin had led me into Fairy Land. There was the very carpet of grass and moss and daisies, which I had myself designed; the curtains of pale blue silk, that fell like a cataract over the windows; the old-fashioned bed, with the chintz furniture, on which I had slept from boyhood. “Now I shall sleep,” I said to myself. “My shadow dares not come here.”

Finally, I came to an open corridor, into which I turned; even though I left the light behind. I walked down it with my hands outstretched, feeling my way, until I reached another corridor that seemed to branch off at right angles to the one I was in. At the end, I saw a faint glimmer of light, too dim for moonlight, more like a stray phosphorescent glow. Still, in a place where everything was white, even a little light made a big difference. So, I made my way to the end, and it was a long corridor. When I reached the light, I saw it came from silver letters on an ebony door; to my surprise, even in this wondrous place, the letters spelled out, The Chamber of Sir Anodos. Although I didn’t yet have the rights of a knight, I assumed this chamber was meant for me; so, without hesitation, I opened the door and went in. Any doubt about whether I should have done that quickly vanished. What seemed like a blinding light to my dark-adjusted eyes burst upon me. A fire of large pieces of some sweet-smelling wood burned in the fireplace, held up by silver dogs, and a bright lamp lit a table full of a delicious meal, obviously waiting for my arrival. But what amazed me even more was that the room was exactly like my own room, the one from which the little stream had brought me into Fairy Land. There was the very carpet of grass, moss, and daisies that I designed; the pale blue silk curtains that cascaded over the windows; the old-fashioned bed with the chintz furnishings where I had slept since I was a boy. “Now I shall sleep,” I said to myself. “My shadow doesn’t dare come here.”

I sat down to the table, and began to help myself to the good things before me with confidence. And now I found, as in many instances before, how true the fairy tales are; for I was waited on, all the time of my meal, by invisible hands. I had scarcely to do more than look towards anything I wanted, when it was brought me, just as if it had come to me of itself. My glass was kept filled with the wine I had chosen, until I looked towards another bottle or decanter; when a fresh glass was substituted, and the other wine supplied. When I had eaten and drank more heartily and joyfully than ever since I entered Fairy Land, the whole was removed by several attendants, of whom some were male and some female, as I thought I could distinguish from the way the dishes were lifted from the table, and the motion with which they were carried out of the room. As soon as they were all taken away, I heard a sound as of the shutting of a door, and knew that I was left alone. I sat long by the fire, meditating, and wondering how it would all end; and when at length, wearied with thinking, I betook myself to my own bed, it was half with a hope that, when I awoke in the morning, I should awake not only in my own room, but in my own castle also; and that I should walk, out upon my own native soil, and find that Fairy Land was, after all, only a vision of the night. The sound of the falling waters of the fountain floated me into oblivion.

I sat down at the table and confidently started to enjoy the delicious food in front of me. I quickly realized, just like in many stories I've heard, how true fairy tales can be; because throughout my meal, I was served by invisible hands. I barely had to do more than glance at anything I wanted for it to appear, as if it came to me on its own. My glass was kept filled with the wine I chose until I looked at another bottle or decanter; then a new glass showed up with the different wine. I ate and drank more heartily and joyfully than I had since entering Fairy Land. When I was done, several attendants—some male and some female, as I could tell by the way they lifted the dishes and the way they moved—cleared everything away. Once they took everything away, I heard the sound of a door closing and knew I was alone. I sat by the fire for a long time, thinking and wondering how it would all turn out. Eventually, tired from pondering, I went to bed, half hoping that when I woke up in the morning, I’d be not only in my own room but also in my own castle; and that I would step out onto my own land and find that Fairy Land was just a dream. The sound of the fountain’s water lulled me into sleep.

CHAPTER XI

“A wilderness of building, sinking far
And self-withdrawn into a wondrous depth,
Far sinking into splendour—without end:
Fabric it seemed of diamond and of gold,
With alabaster domes, and silver spires,
And blazing terrace upon terrace, high
Uplifted.”
          WORDSWORTH.

“A wild landscape of buildings, sinking deep
And retreating into an astonishing depth,
Sinking into endless splendor:
It appeared to be made of diamond and gold,
With white stone domes and silver towers,
And bright terraces stacked high,
Raised up.”
          WORDSWORTH.

But when, after a sleep, which, although dreamless, yet left behind it a sense of past blessedness, I awoke in the full morning, I found, indeed, that the room was still my own; but that it looked abroad upon an unknown landscape of forest and hill and dale on the one side—and on the other, upon the marble court, with the great fountain, the crest of which now flashed glorious in the sun, and cast on the pavement beneath a shower of faint shadows from the waters that fell from it into the marble basin below.

But when I woke up in the bright morning after a sleep that, while dreamless, still left me with a feeling of past happiness, I discovered that the room was still mine. However, it now looked out over an unfamiliar landscape of forests, hills, and valleys on one side—and on the other, there was the marble courtyard with the large fountain, which sparkled beautifully in the sunlight, casting a delicate shower of shadows on the pavement below from the water cascading into the marble basin.

Agreeably to all authentic accounts of the treatment of travellers in Fairy Land, I found by my bedside a complete suit of fresh clothing, just such as I was in the habit of wearing; for, though varied sufficiently from the one removed, it was yet in complete accordance with my tastes. I dressed myself in this, and went out. The whole palace shone like silver in the sun. The marble was partly dull and partly polished; and every pinnacle, dome, and turret ended in a ball, or cone, or cusp of silver. It was like frost-work, and too dazzling, in the sun, for earthly eyes like mine.

According to all the reliable stories about how travelers are treated in Fairy Land, I found a complete set of fresh clothes by my bedside, exactly like what I usually wear. Although it was different enough from the previous ones, it still matched my tastes perfectly. I put them on and stepped outside. The whole palace gleamed like silver in the sun. The marble was a mix of dull and shiny, and every peak, dome, and tower ended in a silver ball, cone, or cusp. It looked like frost, and it was so dazzling in the sunlight that it was almost too much for my earthly eyes.

I will not attempt to describe the environs, save by saying, that all the pleasures to be found in the most varied and artistic arrangement of wood and river, lawn and wild forest, garden and shrubbery, rocky hill and luxurious vale; in living creatures wild and tame, in gorgeous birds, scattered fountains, little streams, and reedy lakes—all were here. Some parts of the palace itself I shall have occasion to describe more minutely.

I won't try to describe the surroundings, except to say that all the joys you can find in the most diverse and artistic arrangement of woods and rivers, lawns and wild forests, gardens and shrubs, rocky hills and lush valleys; with both wild and domestic animals, beautiful birds, scattered fountains, small streams, and grassy lakes—all were present here. I will get into more detail about some parts of the palace itself later.

For this whole morning I never thought of my demon shadow; and not till the weariness which supervened on delight brought it again to my memory, did I look round to see if it was behind me: it was scarcely discernible. But its presence, however faintly revealed, sent a pang to my heart, for the pain of which, not all the beauties around me could compensate. It was followed, however, by the comforting reflection that, peradventure, I might here find the magic word of power to banish the demon and set me free, so that I should no longer be a man beside myself. The Queen of Fairy Land, thought I, must dwell here: surely she will put forth her power to deliver me, and send me singing through the further gates of her country back to my own land. “Shadow of me!” I said; “which art not me, but which representest thyself to me as me; here I may find a shadow of light which will devour thee, the shadow of darkness! Here I may find a blessing which will fall on thee as a curse, and damn thee to the blackness whence thou hast emerged unbidden.” I said this, stretched at length on the slope of the lawn above the river; and as the hope arose within me, the sun came forth from a light fleecy cloud that swept across his face; and hill and dale, and the great river winding on through the still mysterious forest, flashed back his rays as with a silent shout of joy; all nature lived and glowed; the very earth grew warm beneath me; a magnificent dragon-fly went past me like an arrow from a bow, and a whole concert of birds burst into choral song.

This whole morning, I didn’t think about my dark shadow; it wasn’t until the exhaustion that followed my joy reminded me of it that I glanced back to see if it was behind me: it was barely visible. But even its faint presence sent a pang to my heart, and none of the beauty around me could make up for that pain. However, I was comforted by the thought that maybe I could find the magical word to banish the shadow and set myself free, so I wouldn’t feel like I was losing my mind anymore. I thought the Queen of Fairy Land must be somewhere here: surely she would use her power to rescue me and send me back to my own land, singing through the gates of her realm. "Shadow of me!" I said; "you are not me, but you present yourself to me as if you are me; here I might find a glimmer of light that will consume you, the shadow of darkness! Here I may discover a blessing that will fall upon you like a curse, condemning you to the void from which you appeared uninvited." I said this while lying on the grassy slope above the river; as hope surged within me, the sun broke free from a fluffy cloud that had covered its face; hills and valleys, along with the great river winding through the still mysterious forest, reflected its rays back as if in a silent cheer; all nature seemed alive and radiant; the ground beneath me warmed up; a magnificent dragonfly zipped past like an arrow, and a chorus of birds erupted into song.

The heat of the sun soon became too intense even for passive support. I therefore rose, and sought the shelter of one of the arcades. Wandering along from one to another of these, wherever my heedless steps led me, and wondering everywhere at the simple magnificence of the building, I arrived at another hall, the roof of which was of a pale blue, spangled with constellations of silver stars, and supported by porphyry pillars of a paler red than ordinary.—In this house (I may remark in passing), silver seemed everywhere preferred to gold; and such was the purity of the air, that it showed nowhere signs of tarnishing.—The whole of the floor of this hall, except a narrow path behind the pillars, paved with black, was hollowed into a huge basin, many feet deep, and filled with the purest, most liquid and radiant water. The sides of the basin were white marble, and the bottom was paved with all kinds of refulgent stones, of every shape and hue.

The sun's heat quickly became too strong even for me to tolerate. So, I stood up and looked for the shade of one of the arcades. As I wandered from one to another, following my wandering feet and marveling at the simple beauty of the building, I came to another hall. The ceiling was a pale blue, dotted with silver stars, and held up by porphyry pillars that were a lighter red than usual. In this place (just a side note), silver was clearly favored over gold, and the air was so pure that it showed no signs of tarnishing. The entire floor of this hall, except for a narrow path behind the pillars, which was paved in black, was carved into a massive basin that was several feet deep and filled with the clearest, most radiant water. The basin's sides were white marble, and the bottom was covered with all sorts of shiny stones in every shape and color.

In their arrangement, you would have supposed, at first sight, that there was no design, for they seemed to lie as if cast there from careless and playful hands; but it was a most harmonious confusion; and as I looked at the play of their colours, especially when the waters were in motion, I came at last to feel as if not one little pebble could be displaced, without injuring the effect of the whole. Beneath this floor of the water, lay the reflection of the blue inverted roof, fretted with its silver stars, like a second deeper sea, clasping and upholding the first. The fairy bath was probably fed from the fountain in the court. Led by an irresistible desire, I undressed, and plunged into the water. It clothed me as with a new sense and its object both in one. The waters lay so close to me, they seemed to enter and revive my heart. I rose to the surface, shook the water from my hair, and swam as in a rainbow, amid the coruscations of the gems below seen through the agitation caused by my motion. Then, with open eyes, I dived, and swam beneath the surface. And here was a new wonder. For the basin, thus beheld, appeared to extend on all sides like a sea, with here and there groups as of ocean rocks, hollowed by ceaseless billows into wondrous caves and grotesque pinnacles. Around the caves grew sea-weeds of all hues, and the corals glowed between; while far off, I saw the glimmer of what seemed to be creatures of human form at home in the waters. I thought I had been enchanted; and that when I rose to the surface, I should find myself miles from land, swimming alone upon a heaving sea; but when my eyes emerged from the waters, I saw above me the blue spangled vault, and the red pillars around. I dived again, and found myself once more in the heart of a great sea. I then arose, and swam to the edge, where I got out easily, for the water reached the very brim, and, as I drew near washed in tiny waves over the black marble border. I dressed, and went out, deeply refreshed.

At first glance, you might think there was no design to their arrangement, as they looked like they were tossed there by careless and playful hands. But it was a beautifully chaotic mix, and as I watched the play of colors, especially when the water moved, I began to feel that not a single pebble could be shifted without ruining the whole effect. Beneath the water's surface, there was a reflection of the blue roof above, decorated with silver stars, like a deeper ocean supporting the first. The enchanting pool was likely fed by the fountain in the courtyard. Driven by an irresistible urge, I took off my clothes and jumped into the water. It wrapped around me like a new sense, combining both sensation and purpose. The water was so close that it felt like it entered and revitalized my heart. I surfaced, shook the water from my hair, and swam through a rainbow of colors, surrounded by the flickers of the jewels beneath me caused by my movement. Then, with my eyes open, I dove and swam below the surface. Here, a new wonder awaited. The pool, from this angle, seemed to stretch out like a vast sea, with clusters of rocky formations resembling ocean depths, endlessly shaped by waves into amazing caves and quirky peaks. Around these caves, seaweeds of every color grew, and corals glimmered in between; in the distance, I noticed what looked like human-like creatures living in the water. I thought I had been enchanted and that when I resurfaced, I would find myself miles from shore, swimming alone in a vast ocean. But when I broke the surface, I saw the blue, starry sky above and the red pillars surrounding me. I dove again and found myself back in the heart of a great sea. Finally, I surfaced and swam to the edge, where I was able to climb out easily, as the water reached the very top and washed gently in tiny waves over the black marble border. I got dressed and stepped out, feeling deeply refreshed.

And now I began to discern faint, gracious forms, here and there throughout the building. Some walked together in earnest conversation. Others strayed alone. Some stood in groups, as if looking at and talking about a picture or a statue. None of them heeded me. Nor were they plainly visible to my eyes. Sometimes a group, or single individual, would fade entirely out of the realm of my vision as I gazed. When evening came, and the moon arose, clear as a round of a horizon-sea when the sun hangs over it in the west, I began to see them all more plainly; especially when they came between me and the moon; and yet more especially, when I myself was in the shade. But, even then, I sometimes saw only the passing wave of a white robe; or a lovely arm or neck gleamed by in the moonshine; or white feet went walking alone over the moony sward. Nor, I grieve to say, did I ever come much nearer to these glorious beings, or ever look upon the Queen of the Fairies herself. My destiny ordered otherwise.

And now I started to notice faint, graceful figures here and there throughout the building. Some were engaged in serious conversations, while others wandered alone. Some clustered together, as if they were looking at and discussing a painting or a statue. None of them paid any attention to me. They weren't clearly visible to my eyes either. Sometimes a group, or an individual, would completely disappear from my sight as I watched. When evening arrived, and the moon rose, bright as the horizon reflecting the sea when the sun sets in the west, I began to see them more clearly; especially when they came between me and the moon, and even more so when I was in the shade. But even then, I sometimes only caught a glimpse of a passing wave of white fabric, or a beautiful arm or neck shimmering in the moonlight, or white feet walking alone across the moonlit ground. Unfortunately, I never got much closer to these magnificent beings, nor did I ever see the Queen of the Fairies herself. My fate had other plans.

In this palace of marble and silver, and fountains and moonshine, I spent many days; waited upon constantly in my room with everything desirable, and bathing daily in the fairy bath. All this time I was little troubled with my demon shadow I had a vague feeling that he was somewhere about the palace; but it seemed as if the hope that I should in this place be finally freed from his hated presence, had sufficed to banish him for a time. How and where I found him, I shall soon have to relate.

In this palace of marble and silver, with fountains and moonlight, I spent many days, constantly attended to in my room with everything I could want, and enjoying daily baths in the magical tub. Throughout this time, I was barely bothered by my demon shadow. I had a faint sense that he was lurking somewhere in the palace, but for a while, the hope of being finally free from his unwelcome presence here seemed to keep him away. How and where I eventually came across him, I will soon have to explain.

The third day after my arrival, I found the library of the palace; and here, all the time I remained, I spent most of the middle of the day. For it was, not to mention far greater attractions, a luxurious retreat from the noontide sun. During the mornings and afternoons, I wandered about the lovely neighbourhood, or lay, lost in delicious day-dreams, beneath some mighty tree on the open lawn. My evenings were by-and-by spent in a part of the palace, the account of which, and of my adventures in connection with it, I must yet postpone for a little.

The third day after I arrived, I discovered the palace library, and I spent most of my afternoons there during my stay. Besides being much more enticing, it was a comfortable escape from the midday sun. In the mornings and afternoons, I strolled around the beautiful neighborhood or rested, lost in pleasant daydreams, under a large tree on the open lawn. My evenings were eventually spent in a section of the palace, and I’ll have to delay sharing that story and my related adventures for a bit longer.

The library was a mighty hall, lighted from the roof, which was formed of something like glass, vaulted over in a single piece, and stained throughout with a great mysterious picture in gorgeous colouring.

The library was a grand hall, illuminated from the ceiling, which was made of something like glass, arched in a single piece, and decorated with a great mysterious image in vibrant colors.

The walls were lined from floor to roof with books and books: most of them in ancient bindings, but some in strange new fashions which I had never seen, and which, were I to make the attempt, I could ill describe. All around the walls, in front of the books, ran galleries in rows, communicating by stairs. These galleries were built of all kinds of coloured stones; all sorts of marble and granite, with porphyry, jasper, lapis lazuli, agate, and various others, were ranged in wonderful melody of successive colours. Although the material, then, of which these galleries and stairs were built, rendered necessary a certain degree of massiveness in the construction, yet such was the size of the place, that they seemed to run along the walls like cords.

The walls were lined from floor to ceiling with books—just books: most had old bindings, but some were in strange new styles that I had never seen before and would struggle to describe. All around the walls, in front of the books, there were galleries arranged in rows, connected by stairs. These galleries were made of all kinds of colorful stones; various marbles and granites, along with porphyry, jasper, lapis lazuli, agate, and more, created a stunning blend of colors. Even though the materials used for these galleries and stairs required a certain level of sturdiness in the construction, the sheer size of the place made them look like they were stretched along the walls like cords.

Over some parts of the library, descended curtains of silk of various dyes, none of which I ever saw lifted while I was there; and I felt somehow that it would be presumptuous in me to venture to look within them. But the use of the other books seemed free; and day after day I came to the library, threw myself on one of the many sumptuous eastern carpets, which lay here and there on the floor, and read, and read, until weary; if that can be designated as weariness, which was rather the faintness of rapturous delight; or until, sometimes, the failing of the light invited me to go abroad, in the hope that a cool gentle breeze might have arisen to bathe, with an airy invigorating bath, the limbs which the glow of the burning spirit within had withered no less than the glow of the blazing sun without.

Over some areas of the library, there were curtains made of silk in different colors, none of which I ever saw being lifted while I was there; I felt it would be a bit arrogant for me to try to look behind them. However, the other books seemed available for use, and day after day I visited the library, threw myself onto one of the many luxurious eastern carpets scattered on the floor, and read and read until I grew tired; though really, it was less about being tired and more about the blissful feeling of overwhelming delight; or sometimes, the dimming light would suggest it was time to step outside, hoping for a cool, gentle breeze to refresh my limbs, which felt dried out from the heat of the intense spirit within me just like the sweltering sun outside.

One peculiarity of these books, or at least most of those I looked into, I must make a somewhat vain attempt to describe.

One unique thing about these books, or at least most of the ones I checked out, I must try to describe, even if it seems a bit self-important.

If, for instance, it was a book of metaphysics I opened, I had scarcely read two pages before I seemed to myself to be pondering over discovered truth, and constructing the intellectual machine whereby to communicate the discovery to my fellow men. With some books, however, of this nature, it seemed rather as if the process was removed yet a great way further back; and I was trying to find the root of a manifestation, the spiritual truth whence a material vision sprang; or to combine two propositions, both apparently true, either at once or in different remembered moods, and to find the point in which their invisibly converging lines would unite in one, revealing a truth higher than either and differing from both; though so far from being opposed to either, that it was that whence each derived its life and power. Or if the book was one of travels, I found myself the traveller. New lands, fresh experiences, novel customs, rose around me. I walked, I discovered, I fought, I suffered, I rejoiced in my success. Was it a history? I was the chief actor therein. I suffered my own blame; I was glad in my own praise. With a fiction it was the same. Mine was the whole story. For I took the place of the character who was most like myself, and his story was mine; until, grown weary with the life of years condensed in an hour, or arrived at my deathbed, or the end of the volume, I would awake, with a sudden bewilderment, to the consciousness of my present life, recognising the walls and roof around me, and finding I joyed or sorrowed only in a book. If the book was a poem, the words disappeared, or took the subordinate position of an accompaniment to the succession of forms and images that rose and vanished with a soundless rhythm, and a hidden rime.

If, for example, I opened a book on metaphysics, I barely read two pages before I felt like I was pondering a discovered truth and figuring out the intellectual framework to share that discovery with others. However, with some books of this kind, it felt like the process was pushed back even further; I was trying to uncover the root of a manifestation, the spiritual truth from which a material vision emerged; or to connect two statements, both seemingly true, either together or in different remembered moods, and to find the point where their invisibly converging lines would come together in one, revealing a truth higher than either that was different from both; though far from being opposed to either, it was the source from which each drew its life and power. Or if the book was about travel, I became the traveler. New lands, fresh experiences, and unique customs surrounded me. I walked, I discovered, I fought, I suffered, and I celebrated my successes. Was it history? I was the main character in it. I felt my own blame; I took pleasure in my own praise. With fiction, it was the same. I owned the whole story. I took on the role of the character most like myself, and his story became mine; until, exhausted by a lifetime condensed into an hour, or arriving at my deathbed or the end of the book, I would wake up in sudden confusion, realizing my current life, recognizing the walls and ceiling around me, and realizing I felt joy or sorrow only through a book. If the book was a poem, the words faded away or took a backseat, serving as background to the flow of forms and images that rose and vanished with a soundless rhythm and hidden rhyme.

In one, with a mystical title, which I cannot recall, I read of a world that is not like ours. The wondrous account, in such a feeble, fragmentary way as is possible to me, I would willingly impart. Whether or not it was all a poem, I cannot tell; but, from the impulse I felt, when I first contemplated writing it, to break into rime, to which impulse I shall give way if it comes upon me again, I think it must have been, partly at least, in verse.

In one book, with a mystical title I can't remember, I read about a world that's different from ours. The amazing story, in the limited and scattered way I can express it, I would gladly share. Whether it was entirely a poem, I can't say; but from the urge I felt when I first thought about writing it to break into verse, which I will gladly do again if it comes to me, I believe it must have been, at least in part, in poetry.

CHAPTER XII

“Chained is the Spring. The night-wind bold
    Blows over the hard earth;
Time is not more confused and cold,
    Nor keeps more wintry mirth.

“Yet blow, and roll the world about;
    Blow, Time—blow, winter’s Wind!
Through chinks of Time, heaven peepeth out,
    And Spring the frost behind.”
          G. E. M.

“Spring is held back. The bold night wind
    Blows over the hard ground;
Time is no more confused and cold,
    Nor does it keep a wintry cheer.

“Yet blow, and turn the world around;
    Blow, Time—blow, winter’s Wind!
Through cracks of Time, heaven peeks out,
    And Spring follows the frost.”
          G. E. M.

They who believe in the influences of the stars over the fates of men, are, in feeling at least, nearer the truth than they who regard the heavenly bodies as related to them merely by a common obedience to an external law. All that man sees has to do with man. Worlds cannot be without an intermundane relationship. The community of the centre of all creation suggests an interradiating connection and dependence of the parts. Else a grander idea is conceivable than that which is already imbodied. The blank, which is only a forgotten life, lying behind the consciousness, and the misty splendour, which is an undeveloped life, lying before it, may be full of mysterious revelations of other connexions with the worlds around us, than those of science and poetry. No shining belt or gleaming moon, no red and green glory in a self-encircling twin-star, but has a relation with the hidden things of a man’s soul, and, it may be, with the secret history of his body as well. They are portions of the living house wherein he abides.

Those who believe in the influence of the stars on human fate are, at least emotionally, closer to the truth than those who see the celestial bodies as only following external laws. Everything a person observes is connected to them. Worlds cannot exist without interacting with each other. The idea that there’s a central essence to all creation implies a shared connection and dependence among its parts. Otherwise, a greater concept is possible than what already exists. The emptiness, which is just a forgotten life behind our awareness, and the hazy brilliance, which represents an undeveloped life ahead of us, may hold mysterious insights into different connections with the surrounding worlds, beyond science and poetry. No shining belt or glowing moon, no red and green splendor of a self-revolving twin star, lacks a connection to the hidden aspects of a person's soul and possibly to the secret history of their body too. They are parts of the living space where they reside.

Through the realms of the monarch Sun
Creeps a world, whose course had begun,
On a weary path with a weary pace,
Before the Earth sprang forth on her race:
But many a time the Earth had sped
Around the path she still must tread,
Ere the elder planet, on leaden wing,
Once circled the court of the planet’s king.

There, in that lonely and distant star,
The seasons are not as our seasons are;
But many a year hath Autumn to dress
The trees in their matron loveliness;
As long hath old Winter in triumph to go
O’er beauties dead in his vaults below;
And many a year the Spring doth wear
Combing the icicles from her hair;
And Summer, dear Summer, hath years of June,
With large white clouds, and cool showers at noon:
And a beauty that grows to a weight like grief,
Till a burst of tears is the heart’s relief.

Children, born when Winter is king,
May never rejoice in the hoping Spring;
Though their own heart-buds are bursting with joy,
And the child hath grown to the girl or boy;
But may die with cold and icy hours
Watching them ever in place of flowers.
And some who awake from their primal sleep,
When the sighs of Summer through forests creep,
Live, and love, and are loved again;
Seek for pleasure, and find its pain;
Sink to their last, their forsaken sleeping,
With the same sweet odours around them creeping.

Through the realm of the sun king
Slithers a world that has just begun,
On a tired path at a slow pace,
Before the Earth took off on her race:
But many times the Earth had rushed
Around the path she still must tread,
Before the older planet, with heavy wings,
Ever circled the court of the planet’s king.

There, in that lonely and distant star,
The seasons are not what ours are;
But many years Autumn dresses
The trees in their maternal loveliness;
Old Winter also enjoys his reign
Over the beauty lost in his domains;
And for many years Spring wears her crown,
Brushing icicles from her gown;
And Summer, dear Summer, enjoys long Junes,
With fluffy white clouds and cool noon showers:
A beauty that becomes a weight like grief,
Until a burst of tears brings the heart relief.

Children born when Winter is in charge,
May never rejoice in hopeful Spring;
Though their hearts are bursting with joy,
As the child grows into a girl or boy;
But may perish in cold and icy hours,
Watching them instead of flowers.
And some who wake from their deep sleep,
When the sighs of Summer creep through the trees,
Live, love, and are loved in return;
Seek for pleasure and find its pain;
Fall into their final, forsaken sleep,
With the same sweet scents around them creeping.

Now the children, there, are not born as the children are born in worlds nearer to the sun. For they arrive no one knows how. A maiden, walking alone, hears a cry: for even there a cry is the first utterance; and searching about, she findeth, under an overhanging rock, or within a clump of bushes, or, it may be, betwixt gray stones on the side of a hill, or in any other sheltered and unexpected spot, a little child. This she taketh tenderly, and beareth home with joy, calling out, “Mother, mother”—if so be that her mother lives—“I have got a baby—I have found a child!” All the household gathers round to see;—“Where is it? What is it like? Where did you find it?” and such-like questions, abounding. And thereupon she relates the whole story of the discovery; for by the circumstances, such as season of the year, time of the day, condition of the air, and such like, and, especially, the peculiar and never-repeated aspect of the heavens and earth at the time, and the nature of the place of shelter wherein it is found, is determined, or at least indicated, the nature of the child thus discovered. Therefore, at certain seasons, and in certain states of the weather, according, in part, to their own fancy, the young women go out to look for children. They generally avoid seeking them, though they cannot help sometimes finding them, in places and with circumstances uncongenial to their peculiar likings. But no sooner is a child found, than its claim for protection and nurture obliterates all feeling of choice in the matter. Chiefly, however, in the season of summer, which lasts so long, coming as it does after such long intervals; and mostly in the warm evenings, about the middle of twilight; and principally in the woods and along the river banks, do the maidens go looking for children just as children look for flowers. And ever as the child grows, yea, more and more as he advances in years, will his face indicate to those who understand the spirit of Nature, and her utterances in the face of the world, the nature of the place of his birth, and the other circumstances thereof; whether a clear morning sun guided his mother to the nook whence issued the boy’s low cry; or at eve the lonely maiden (for the same woman never finds a second, at least while the first lives) discovers the girl by the glimmer of her white skin, lying in a nest like that of the lark, amid long encircling grasses, and the upward-gazing eyes of the lowly daisies; whether the storm bowed the forest trees around, or the still frost fixed in silence the else flowing and babbling stream.

Now the children there aren't born like children in places closer to the sun. They arrive in ways nobody really knows. A young woman, walking alone, hears a cry because even there, a cry is the first sound. While searching around, she finds, under an overhanging rock, or in a cluster of bushes, or maybe between gray stones on the side of a hill, or in any other unexpected and sheltered spot, a small child. She gently takes the child and joyfully brings it home, calling out, “Mom, Mom”—if her mom is still alive—“I have a baby—I found a child!” The whole household comes around to see;—“Where is it? What does it look like? Where did you find it?” and lots of similar questions flood in. Then she tells the entire story of the discovery; because from the details like the season, time of day, condition of the air, and particularly, the unique and never-to-be-repeated view of the sky and earth at that moment, and the nature of the sheltered spot where the child was found, one can determine, or at least get an idea of, the nature of the child discovered. So, at certain times of the year, and in specific weather conditions, partly based on their own preferences, young women go out looking for children. They generally steer clear of actively searching, although they sometimes find them in places and circumstances they don't particularly like. But once a child is found, the need to protect and care for it overrides any feelings of choice in the matter. Mostly, during the long summer season, especially in the warm evenings around twilight, and mainly in the woods and along riverbanks, young women go searching for children just as kids search for flowers. And as the child grows, more and more as he gets older, his face will reveal to those who understand the spirit of Nature, and her messages through the world, the nature of his birthplace and the circumstances surrounding it; whether a bright morning sun led his mother to the spot from which the boy's soft cry came; or whether in the evening, the lonely maiden (since the same woman never finds a second child while the first is alive) discovers the girl by the glint of her white skin, lying in a nest like a lark's, among long grasses, with the daisies looking up at her; whether a storm bent the forest trees around, or the still frost froze the otherwise flowing and babbling stream in silence.

After they grow up, the men and women are but little together. There is this peculiar difference between them, which likewise distinguishes the women from those of the earth. The men alone have arms; the women have only wings. Resplendent wings are they, wherein they can shroud themselves from head to foot in a panoply of glistering glory. By these wings alone, it may frequently be judged in what seasons, and under what aspects, they were born. From those that came in winter, go great white wings, white as snow; the edge of every feather shining like the sheen of silver, so that they flash and glitter like frost in the sun. But underneath, they are tinged with a faint pink or rose-colour. Those born in spring have wings of a brilliant green, green as grass; and towards the edges the feathers are enamelled like the surface of the grass-blades. These again are white within. Those that are born in summer have wings of a deep rose-colour, lined with pale gold. And those born in autumn have purple wings, with a rich brown on the inside. But these colours are modified and altered in all varieties, corresponding to the mood of the day and hour, as well as the season of the year; and sometimes I found the various colours so intermingled, that I could not determine even the season, though doubtless the hieroglyphic could be deciphered by more experienced eyes. One splendour, in particular, I remember—wings of deep carmine, with an inner down of warm gray, around a form of brilliant whiteness.

After they grow up, men and women spend very little time together. There’s a unique difference between them, which also sets the women apart from those of the earth. Only the men have arms; the women have wings. These beautiful wings allow them to envelop themselves completely in a stunning display of shimmering beauty. From these wings, it’s often possible to tell what season and under what conditions they were born. Those born in winter have large white wings, as white as snow; each feather’s edge shines like silver, sparkling like frost in the sunlight. However, underneath, they have a hint of pink or rose color. Those born in spring have bright green wings, as green as grass; towards the edges, the feathers are glossy like the surface of grass blades. These wings are white on the inside. Those born in summer have deep rose-colored wings lined with pale gold. And those born in autumn have purple wings with a rich brown inside. But these colors shift and change in countless ways, reflecting the mood of the day and hour, as well as the season. At times, I found the colors so mixed that I couldn’t even tell which season it was, even though more experienced eyes could likely decipher the meaning. One particular vision I remember—wings of deep red, with a warm gray undertone, surrounding an extraordinarily bright white form.

She had been found as the sun went down through a low sea-fog, casting crimson along a broad sea-path into a little cave on the shore, where a bathing maiden saw her lying.

She was discovered as the sun set through a low sea fog, casting crimson along a wide path across the sea into a small cave on the shore, where a bathing girl saw her lying there.

But though I speak of sun and fog, and sea and shore, the world there is in some respects very different from the earth whereon men live. For instance, the waters reflect no forms. To the unaccustomed eye they appear, if undisturbed, like the surface of a dark metal, only that the latter would reflect indistinctly, whereas they reflect not at all, except light which falls immediately upon them. This has a great effect in causing the landscapes to differ from those on the earth. On the stillest evening, no tall ship on the sea sends a long wavering reflection almost to the feet of him on shore; the face of no maiden brightens at its own beauty in a still forest-well. The sun and moon alone make a glitter on the surface. The sea is like a sea of death, ready to ingulf and never to reveal: a visible shadow of oblivion. Yet the women sport in its waters like gorgeous sea-birds. The men more rarely enter them. But, on the contrary, the sky reflects everything beneath it, as if it were built of water like ours. Of course, from its concavity there is some distortion of the reflected objects; yet wondrous combinations of form are often to be seen in the overhanging depth. And then it is not shaped so much like a round dome as the sky of the earth, but, more of an egg-shape, rises to a great towering height in the middle, appearing far more lofty than the other. When the stars come out at night, it shows a mighty cupola, “fretted with golden fires,” wherein there is room for all tempests to rush and rave.

But even though I talk about sun and fog, and sea and shore, the world there is in some ways very different from the earth where people live. For example, the waters don’t reflect shapes. To someone not used to it, they look, if undisturbed, like the surface of dark metal, except that dark metal would reflect vaguely, while the water doesn’t reflect at all, except for the light that falls directly on it. This greatly alters how the landscapes look compared to those on earth. On the calmest evening, no tall ship on the sea sends a long, wavering reflection almost to the feet of someone on the shore; no maiden lights up with her own beauty in a still forest well. Only the sun and moon create a sparkle on the surface. The sea resembles a sea of death, ready to swallow and never to reveal: a visible shadow of forgetfulness. Yet the women play in its waters like beautiful sea birds. The men go in less often. However, the sky reflects everything beneath it, as if it were made of water like ours. Of course, its curved shape distorts the reflected objects a bit; still, amazing combinations of shapes can often be seen in the depth above. And instead of being shaped like a round dome like the sky on earth, it’s more egg-shaped, rising to a great height in the center, appearing much loftier than the other. When the stars come out at night, it shows a grand dome, “fretted with golden fires,” where there’s room for all storms to rush and rage.

One evening in early summer, I stood with a group of men and women on a steep rock that overhung the sea. They were all questioning me about my world and the ways thereof. In making reply to one of their questions, I was compelled to say that children are not born in the Earth as with them. Upon this I was assailed with a whole battery of inquiries, which at first I tried to avoid; but, at last, I was compelled, in the vaguest manner I could invent, to make some approach to the subject in question. Immediately a dim notion of what I meant, seemed to dawn in the minds of most of the women. Some of them folded their great wings all around them, as they generally do when in the least offended, and stood erect and motionless. One spread out her rosy pinions, and flashed from the promontory into the gulf at its foot. A great light shone in the eyes of one maiden, who turned and walked slowly away, with her purple and white wings half dispread behind her. She was found, the next morning, dead beneath a withered tree on a bare hill-side, some miles inland. They buried her where she lay, as is their custom; for, before they die, they instinctively search for a spot like the place of their birth, and having found one that satisfies them, they lie down, fold their wings around them, if they be women, or cross their arms over their breasts, if they are men, just as if they were going to sleep; and so sleep indeed. The sign or cause of coming death is an indescribable longing for something, they know not what, which seizes them, and drives them into solitude, consuming them within, till the body fails. When a youth and a maiden look too deep into each other’s eyes, this longing seizes and possesses them; but instead of drawing nearer to each other, they wander away, each alone, into solitary places, and die of their desire. But it seems to me, that thereafter they are born babes upon our earth: where, if, when grown, they find each other, it goes well with them; if not, it will seem to go ill. But of this I know nothing. When I told them that the women on the Earth had not wings like them, but arms, they stared, and said how bold and masculine they must look; not knowing that their wings, glorious as they are, are but undeveloped arms.

One evening in early summer, I stood with a group of men and women on a steep rock that jutted out over the sea. They all kept asking me about my world and how it works. When I answered one of their questions, I had to admit that children aren't born on Earth like they are. This led to a flood of questions from them, which I initially tried to dodge, but eventually, I had to vaguely address the topic. It seemed that a blurry understanding of what I meant began to form in the minds of most of the women. Some of them wrapped their large wings around themselves, as they usually do when offended, and stood frozen and still. One spread her rosy wings and dove off the cliff into the sea below. A bright spark lit up in the eyes of one girl, who turned and slowly walked away with her purple and white wings half-open behind her. The next morning, she was found dead beneath a withered tree on a bare hillside, several miles inland. They buried her where she lay, as is their tradition; before they die, they instinctively look for a place that resembles where they were born, and once they find a spot that feels right, they lie down, wrap their wings around themselves if they are women, or cross their arms over their chests if they are men, as if they were about to sleep; and that’s exactly what happens. The sign or reason for impending death is an indescribable yearning for something they can't name, which grips them and drives them into isolation, consuming them until their bodies give out. When a young man and woman gaze too deeply into each other’s eyes, this longing takes hold of them, but instead of drawing near to one another, they each drift away into solitude, ultimately dying from their desire. However, it seems to me that after that, they are reborn as babies on our Earth: if they find each other when they grow up, things go well for them; if not, it appears to go poorly. But I know nothing for sure about this. When I told them that women on Earth have arms instead of wings, they were astonished, saying how bold and masculine they must look; unaware that their beautiful wings, glorious as they are, are just undeveloped arms.

But see the power of this book, that, while recounting what I can recall of its contents, I write as if myself had visited the far-off planet, learned its ways and appearances, and conversed with its men and women. And so, while writing, it seemed to me that I had.

But see the power of this book: as I share what I remember about its contents, I write as if I had actually traveled to that distant planet, learned about its ways and sights, and talked with its people. And so, while writing, it felt to me like I really had.

The book goes on with the story of a maiden, who, born at the close of autumn, and living in a long, to her endless winter, set out at last to find the regions of spring; for, as in our earth, the seasons are divided over the globe. It begins something like this:

The book continues with the story of a young woman who, born at the end of autumn and stuck in a seemingly endless winter, finally sets out to discover the lands of spring; because, like on our planet, the seasons are spread out across the globe. It starts something like this:

She watched them dying for many a day,
Dropping from off the old trees away,
One by one; or else in a shower
Crowding over the withered flower
For as if they had done some grievous wrong,
The sun, that had nursed them and loved them so long,
Grew weary of loving, and, turning back,
Hastened away on his southern track;
And helplessly hung each shrivelled leaf,
Faded away with an idle grief.
And the gusts of wind, sad Autumn’s sighs,
Mournfully swept through their families;
Casting away with a helpless moan
All that he yet might call his own,
As the child, when his bird is gone for ever,
Flingeth the cage on the wandering river.
And the giant trees, as bare as Death,
Slowly bowed to the great Wind’s breath;
And groaned with trying to keep from groaning
Amidst the young trees bending and moaning.
And the ancient planet’s mighty sea
Was heaving and falling most restlessly,
And the tops of the waves were broken and white,
Tossing about to ease their might;
And the river was striving to reach the main,
And the ripple was hurrying back again.
Nature lived in sadness now;
Sadness lived on the maiden’s brow,
As she watched, with a fixed, half-conscious eye,
One lonely leaf that trembled on high,
Till it dropped at last from the desolate bough—
Sorrow, oh, sorrow! ‘tis winter now.
And her tears gushed forth, though it was but a leaf,
For little will loose the swollen fountain of grief:
When up to the lip the water goes,
It needs but a drop, and it overflows.

Oh! many and many a dreary year
Must pass away ere the buds appear:
Many a night of darksome sorrow
Yield to the light of a joyless morrow,
Ere birds again, on the clothed trees,
Shall fill the branches with melodies.
She will dream of meadows with wakeful streams;
Of wavy grass in the sunny beams;
Of hidden wells that soundless spring,
Hoarding their joy as a holy thing;
Of founts that tell it all day long
To the listening woods, with exultant song;
She will dream of evenings that die into nights,
Where each sense is filled with its own delights,
And the soul is still as the vaulted sky,
Lulled with an inner harmony;

And the flowers give out to the dewy night,
Changed into perfume, the gathered light;
And the darkness sinks upon all their host,
Till the sun sail up on the eastern coast—
She will wake and see the branches bare,
Weaving a net in the frozen air.

She watched them die day after day,
Falling off the old trees,
One by one, or in a shower,
Crowding over the wilted flowers.
As if they had committed some terrible sin,
The sun, which had nurtured and loved them for so long,
Grew tired of loving and, turning away,
Hastened along its southern path;
And each shriveled leaf hung helplessly,
Fading away in idle sorrow.
And the gusts of wind, the sad sighs of Autumn,
Mournfully swept through their families;
Casting away with a helpless moan
All that he might still call his own,
Like a child who, when his bird is gone forever,
Throws the cage into the wandering river.
And the giant trees, as bare as Death,
Slowly bowed to the mighty Wind’s breath;
And groaned, trying not to groan
Among the young trees bending and moaning.
And the great planet’s mighty sea
Was restless, heaving and falling,
And the tops of the waves were broken and white,
Tossing about to ease their might;
And the river struggled to reach the ocean,
And the ripple hurried back again.
Nature was now filled with sadness;
Sadness lingered on the maiden’s brow,
As she watched with a fixed, half-conscious gaze,
One lonely leaf trembling high,
Until it finally dropped from the desolate branch—
Sorrow, oh, sorrow! it’s winter now.
And her tears gushed forth, even though it was just a leaf,
For little will release the swollen fountain of grief:
When the water rises to the brim,
It takes just a drop to overflow.

Oh! many dreary years
Must pass before the buds appear:
Many nights of dark sorrow
Must yield to the light of a joyless tomorrow,
Before birds once more, on clothed trees,
Will fill the branches with melodies.
She will dream of meadows with waking streams;
Of waving grass in the sunny rays;
Of hidden wells that silently spring,
Hoarding their joy like a sacred thing;
Of fountains that share their joy all day long
With the listening woods, in exultant song;
She will dream of evenings that fade into nights,
Where each sense is filled with its own delights,
And the soul is calm as the vast sky,
Cradled in an inner harmony;

And the flowers release the gathered light,
Changing into perfume for the dewy night;
And darkness settles over all their host,
Until the sun rises on the eastern coast—
She will wake to see bare branches,
Weaving a net in the frozen air.

The story goes on to tell how, at last, weary with wintriness, she travelled towards the southern regions of her globe, to meet the spring on its slow way northwards; and how, after many sad adventures, many disappointed hopes, and many tears, bitter and fruitless, she found at last, one stormy afternoon, in a leafless forest, a single snowdrop growing betwixt the borders of the winter and spring. She lay down beside it and died. I almost believe that a child, pale and peaceful as a snowdrop, was born in the Earth within a fixed season from that stormy afternoon.

The story continues by explaining how, finally worn out from the winter, she traveled to the southern parts of her world to meet spring as it slowly moved north. After many sad experiences, countless disappointments, and many tears that felt both bitter and pointless, she ultimately found, one stormy afternoon, in a bare forest, a single snowdrop blooming between winter and spring. She lay down beside it and died. I almost believe that a child, pale and peaceful like a snowdrop, was born on Earth in a certain season after that stormy afternoon.

CHAPTER XIII

“I saw a ship sailing upon the sea
Deeply laden as ship could be;
But not so deep as in love I am
For I care not whether I sink or swim.”
          OLD BALLAD.

“But Love is such a Mystery
    I cannot find it out:
For when I think I’m best resolv’d,
    I then am in most doubt.”
          SIR JOHN SUCKLING.

“I saw a ship sailing on the sea
Heavily loaded like a ship can be;
But not as heavy as the love I feel
Because I don’t care if I sink or swim.”
          OLD BALLAD.

“But love is such a mystery
    I can’t figure it out:
Because when I think I have it all figured out,
    I find I’m filled with doubt.”
          SIR JOHN SUCKLING.

One story I will try to reproduce. But, alas! it is like trying to reconstruct a forest out of broken branches and withered leaves. In the fairy book, everything was just as it should be, though whether in words or something else, I cannot tell. It glowed and flashed the thoughts upon the soul, with such a power that the medium disappeared from the consciousness, and it was occupied only with the things themselves. My representation of it must resemble a translation from a rich and powerful language, capable of embodying the thoughts of a splendidly developed people, into the meagre and half-articulate speech of a savage tribe. Of course, while I read it, I was Cosmo, and his history was mine. Yet, all the time, I seemed to have a kind of double consciousness, and the story a double meaning. Sometimes it seemed only to represent a simple story of ordinary life, perhaps almost of universal life; wherein two souls, loving each other and longing to come nearer, do, after all, but behold each other as in a glass darkly.

One story I'll attempt to recreate. But, sadly! it's like trying to piece together a forest from broken branches and dried leaves. In the fairy tale, everything was just right, though I can't say whether it was in words or something else. It sparkled and illuminated thoughts in the soul with such strength that the medium faded from awareness, leaving only the essence of the things themselves. My interpretation of it must be like translating from a rich and expressive language, capable of capturing the thoughts of a beautifully advanced society, into the sparse and somewhat clumsy speech of a primitive tribe. Of course, while I read, I was Cosmo, and his story was mine. Yet, all the while, I felt a kind of dual awareness, and the story had a dual meaning. At times, it seemed to simply represent an ordinary story of everyday life, perhaps even of universal life; where two souls, who love each other and long to be closer, still only see each other as if in a dim reflection.

As through the hard rock go the branching silver veins; as into the solid land run the creeks and gulfs from the unresting sea; as the lights and influences of the upper worlds sink silently through the earth’s atmosphere; so doth Faerie invade the world of men, and sometimes startle the common eye with an association as of cause and effect, when between the two no connecting links can be traced.

As silver veins run through hard rock; as creeks and gulfs flow into solid ground from the restless sea; as the lights and influences of the upper worlds quietly descend through the earth’s atmosphere; so does Faerie invade the world of humans, occasionally surprising the ordinary eye with a connection that seems like cause and effect, even when there are no visible links between the two.

Cosmo von Wehrstahl was a student at the University of Prague. Though of a noble family, he was poor, and prided himself upon the independence that poverty gives; for what will not a man pride himself upon, when he cannot get rid of it? A favourite with his fellow students, he yet had no companions; and none of them had ever crossed the threshold of his lodging in the top of one of the highest houses in the old town. Indeed, the secret of much of that complaisance which recommended him to his fellows, was the thought of his unknown retreat, whither in the evening he could betake himself and indulge undisturbed in his own studies and reveries. These studies, besides those subjects necessary to his course at the University, embraced some less commonly known and approved; for in a secret drawer lay the works of Albertus Magnus and Cornelius Agrippa, along with others less read and more abstruse. As yet, however, he had followed these researches only from curiosity, and had turned them to no practical purpose.

Cosmo von Wehrstahl was a student at the University of Prague. Although he came from a noble family, he was poor and took pride in the independence that poverty brings; after all, what can a person take pride in when they can't escape it? He was well-liked by his fellow students but had no real friends, and none of them had ever visited his place in one of the tallest buildings in the old town. In fact, part of what made him so appealing to others was the mystery of his unknown retreat, where he could return in the evenings and immerse himself in his studies and daydreams without interruption. His studies, in addition to the subjects required for his degree, included some less common and recognized topics; for in a hidden drawer lay the works of Albertus Magnus and Cornelius Agrippa, along with other, more obscure texts. However, he had only explored these subjects out of curiosity so far and hadn’t put them to any practical use yet.

His lodging consisted of one large low-ceiled room, singularly bare of furniture; for besides a couple of wooden chairs, a couch which served for dreaming on both by day and night, and a great press of black oak, there was very little in the room that could be called furniture.

His place had one big room with a low ceiling, strangely empty of furniture; besides a couple of wooden chairs, a couch that was used for napping both day and night, and a large black oak wardrobe, there wasn’t much else in the room that could really be considered furniture.

But curious instruments were heaped in the corners; and in one stood a skeleton, half-leaning against the wall, half-supported by a string about its neck. One of its hands, all of fingers, rested on the heavy pommel of a great sword that stood beside it.

But strange tools were piled up in the corners; and in one spot there was a skeleton, partly leaning against the wall and partly held up by a string around its neck. One of its hands, with all its fingers, rested on the heavy hilt of a large sword that was next to it.

Various weapons were scattered about over the floor. The walls were utterly bare of adornment; for the few strange things, such as a large dried bat with wings dispread, the skin of a porcupine, and a stuffed sea-mouse, could hardly be reckoned as such. But although his fancy delighted in vagaries like these, he indulged his imagination with far different fare. His mind had never yet been filled with an absorbing passion; but it lay like a still twilight open to any wind, whether the low breath that wafts but odours, or the storm that bows the great trees till they strain and creak. He saw everything as through a rose-coloured glass. When he looked from his window on the street below, not a maiden passed but she moved as in a story, and drew his thoughts after her till she disappeared in the vista. When he walked in the streets, he always felt as if reading a tale, into which he sought to weave every face of interest that went by; and every sweet voice swept his soul as with the wing of a passing angel. He was in fact a poet without words; the more absorbed and endangered, that the springing-waters were dammed back into his soul, where, finding no utterance, they grew, and swelled, and undermined. He used to lie on his hard couch, and read a tale or a poem, till the book dropped from his hand; but he dreamed on, he knew not whether awake or asleep, until the opposite roof grew upon his sense, and turned golden in the sunrise. Then he arose too; and the impulses of vigorous youth kept him ever active, either in study or in sport, until again the close of the day left him free; and the world of night, which had lain drowned in the cataract of the day, rose up in his soul, with all its stars, and dim-seen phantom shapes. But this could hardly last long. Some one form must sooner or later step within the charmed circle, enter the house of life, and compel the bewildered magician to kneel and worship.

Various weapons were scattered across the floor. The walls were completely bare; the few odd items, like a large dried bat with its wings spread, a porcupine skin, and a stuffed sea mouse, hardly counted as decorations. But while he enjoyed quirks like these, he fed his imagination with much deeper things. His mind had never been consumed by a passionate obsession; instead, it lay like a quiet twilight waiting for any breeze, whether it was the gentle whisper carrying sweet scents or the storm that bends large trees until they groan. He viewed everything through a rosy lens. When he looked out his window at the street below, every young woman seemed to glide like a character from a story, drawing his thoughts with her until she vanished from sight. As he walked the streets, he felt like he was reading a narrative, trying to weave every intriguing face he saw into it; and every lovely voice brushed his spirit like the wing of a passing angel. In reality, he was a poet without words; increasingly absorbed and burdened, as the rushing waters backed up inside him, growing, swelling, and causing unrest because they found no expression. He would lie on his hard couch, reading a story or a poem until the book slipped from his grasp; but he continued dreaming, unsure if he was awake or asleep, until he became aware of the roof across from him glowing golden in the sunrise. Then he would rise, driven by the energy of youth, keeping busy with either study or play until the end of the day set him free again; and the nighttime world, which had been submerged in the torrent of the day, emerged in his soul with all its stars and dimly seen shapes. But this couldn't last forever. Sooner or later, someone would step into his enchanted circle, enter the house of life, and compel the bewildered magician to kneel and worship.

One afternoon, towards dusk, he was wandering dreamily in one of the principal streets, when a fellow student roused him by a slap on the shoulder, and asked him to accompany him into a little back alley to look at some old armour which he had taken a fancy to possess. Cosmo was considered an authority in every matter pertaining to arms, ancient or modern. In the use of weapons, none of the students could come near him; and his practical acquaintance with some had principally contributed to establish his authority in reference to all. He accompanied him willingly.

One afternoon, around sunset, he was aimlessly wandering down one of the main streets when a fellow student tapped him on the shoulder and asked him to join him in a small back alley to check out some old armor that he wanted to buy. Cosmo was considered an expert on everything related to weapons, both old and new. In terms of weapon use, none of the students could match him; his hands-on experience with some had mainly helped him establish his expertise on all. He agreed to go with him without hesitation.

They entered a narrow alley, and thence a dirty little court, where a low arched door admitted them into a heterogeneous assemblage of everything musty, and dusty, and old, that could well be imagined. His verdict on the armour was satisfactory, and his companion at once concluded the purchase. As they were leaving the place, Cosmo’s eye was attracted by an old mirror of an elliptical shape, which leaned against the wall, covered with dust. Around it was some curious carving, which he could see but very indistinctly by the glimmering light which the owner of the shop carried in his hand. It was this carving that attracted his attention; at least so it appeared to him. He left the place, however, with his friend, taking no further notice of it. They walked together to the main street, where they parted and took opposite directions.

They walked into a narrow alley, and then into a small, dirty courtyard, where a low-arched door led them into a mix of everything musty, dusty, and old that one could imagine. His opinion on the armor was positive, and his friend quickly decided to buy it. As they were leaving, Cosmo noticed an old elliptical mirror leaning against the wall, covered in dust. It had some interesting carvings around it, but he could only see them faintly in the dim light held by the shop owner. This carving caught his eye, or at least that's how it seemed to him. Still, he left the place with his friend without giving it much more thought. They walked together to the main street, where they said goodbye and went their separate ways.

No sooner was Cosmo left alone, than the thought of the curious old mirror returned to him. A strong desire to see it more plainly arose within him, and he directed his steps once more towards the shop. The owner opened the door when he knocked, as if he had expected him. He was a little, old, withered man, with a hooked nose, and burning eyes constantly in a slow restless motion, and looking here and there as if after something that eluded them. Pretending to examine several other articles, Cosmo at last approached the mirror, and requested to have it taken down.

As soon as Cosmo was alone, he couldn't shake the thought of the strange old mirror. A strong urge to see it more clearly came over him, so he headed back to the shop. The owner opened the door when he knocked, almost as if he had been expecting him. He was a small, elderly, frail man, with a hooked nose and fiery eyes that were always in slow, restless motion, scanning the area as if looking for something just out of reach. Pretending to check out various other items, Cosmo eventually walked up to the mirror and asked to have it taken down.

“Take it down yourself, master; I cannot reach it,” said the old man.

“Take it down yourself, sir; I can't reach it,” said the old man.

Cosmo took it down carefully, when he saw that the carving was indeed delicate and costly, being both of admirable design and execution; containing withal many devices which seemed to embody some meaning to which he had no clue. This, naturally, in one of his tastes and temperament, increased the interest he felt in the old mirror; so much, indeed, that he now longed to possess it, in order to study its frame at his leisure. He pretended, however, to want it only for use; and saying he feared the plate could be of little service, as it was rather old, he brushed away a little of the dust from its face, expecting to see a dull reflection within. His surprise was great when he found the reflection brilliant, revealing a glass not only uninjured by age, but wondrously clear and perfect (should the whole correspond to this part) even for one newly from the hands of the maker. He asked carelessly what the owner wanted for the thing. The old man replied by mentioning a sum of money far beyond the reach of poor Cosmo, who proceeded to replace the mirror where it had stood before.

Cosmo carefully took it down when he noticed that the carving was indeed delicate and valuable, featuring an impressive design and craftsmanship. It also included many elements that seemed to hold some meaning he couldn’t grasp. Naturally, this piqued his interest in the old mirror even more; in fact, he now desperately wanted to own it so he could study its frame at his leisure. He pretended, however, that he wanted it just for practical use, saying he feared the glass might not be very useful since it was quite old. He brushed away a bit of dust from its surface, expecting to see a dull reflection. To his surprise, he found the reflection striking, showing a glass that was not only unharmed by age but also remarkably clear and perfect (if the whole piece matched this part), even compared to one freshly made. He casually asked the owner how much he wanted for it. The old man mentioned a price far beyond what poor Cosmo could afford, so he placed the mirror back where it had been.

“You think the price too high?” said the old man.

“You think the price is too high?” said the old man.

“I do not know that it is too much for you to ask,” replied Cosmo; “but it is far too much for me to give.”

“I don’t know if it’s too much to ask of you,” Cosmo replied, “but it’s definitely too much for me to give.”

The old man held up his light towards Cosmo’s face. “I like your look,” said he.

The old man lifted his light toward Cosmo's face. "I like your style," he said.

Cosmo could not return the compliment. In fact, now he looked closely at him for the first time, he felt a kind of repugnance to him, mingled with a strange feeling of doubt whether a man or a woman stood before him.

Cosmo couldn't return the compliment. In fact, now that he looked at him closely for the first time, he felt a sort of disgust mixed with a strange uncertainty about whether a man or a woman was standing in front of him.

“What is your name?” he continued.

“What's your name?” he asked.

“Cosmo von Wehrstahl.”

“Cosmo von Wehrstahl.”

“Ah, ah! I thought as much. I see your father in you. I knew your father very well, young sir. I dare say in some odd corners of my house, you might find some old things with his crest and cipher upon them still. Well, I like you: you shall have the mirror at the fourth part of what I asked for it; but upon one condition.”

“Ah, ah! I thought so. I see your father in you. I knew your father very well, young man. I’m sure you could find some old things with his crest and initials in some hidden spots in my house. Well, I like you: you can have the mirror for a quarter of what I originally asked for it, but there’s one condition.”

“What is that?” said Cosmo; for, although the price was still a great deal for him to give, he could just manage it; and the desire to possess the mirror had increased to an altogether unaccountable degree, since it had seemed beyond his reach.

“What is that?” Cosmo asked; because, even though the price was still a lot for him to pay, he could just afford it; and his desire to own the mirror had grown to an entirely inexplicable level, especially since it had seemed out of reach.

“That if you should ever want to get rid of it again, you will let me have the first offer.”

“Then if you ever want to get rid of it again, you'll give me the first chance to buy it.”

“Certainly,” replied Cosmo, with a smile; adding, “a moderate condition indeed.”

“Of course,” replied Cosmo with a smile, adding, “a pretty fair condition, for sure.”

“On your honour?” insisted the seller.

“On your honor?” insisted the seller.

“On my honour,” said the buyer; and the bargain was concluded.

"On my word," said the buyer; and the deal was sealed.

“I will carry it home for you,” said the old man, as Cosmo took it in his hands.

“I'll take it home for you,” said the old man, as Cosmo held it in his hands.

“No, no; I will carry it myself,” said he; for he had a peculiar dislike to revealing his residence to any one, and more especially to this person, to whom he felt every moment a greater antipathy. “Just as you please,” said the old creature, and muttered to himself as he held his light at the door to show him out of the court: “Sold for the sixth time! I wonder what will be the upshot of it this time. I should think my lady had enough of it by now!”

“No, no; I’ll carry it myself,” he said, because he really didn’t want to share where he lived with anyone, especially not this person, whom he found more and more annoying with each passing moment. “As you wish,” replied the old man, mumbling to himself as he held the light at the door to show him out of the courtyard: “Sold for the sixth time! I wonder how this will turn out. I’d think my lady would have had enough of this by now!”

Cosmo carried his prize carefully home. But all the way he had an uncomfortable feeling that he was watched and dogged. Repeatedly he looked about, but saw nothing to justify his suspicions. Indeed, the streets were too crowded and too ill lighted to expose very readily a careful spy, if such there should be at his heels. He reached his lodging in safety, and leaned his purchase against the wall, rather relieved, strong as he was, to be rid of its weight; then, lighting his pipe, threw himself on the couch, and was soon lapt in the folds of one of his haunting dreams.

Cosmo carefully carried his prize home. However, he couldn't shake the uneasy feeling that someone was watching him. He looked around repeatedly but saw nothing to confirm his suspicions. In fact, the streets were too crowded and poorly lit to easily spot a careful follower, if there was one trailing him. He got to his place safely and leaned his purchase against the wall, feeling a sense of relief to be rid of its weight, even though he was strong. Then, lighting his pipe, he collapsed onto the couch and soon drifted into the depths of one of his haunting dreams.

He returned home earlier than usual the next day, and fixed the mirror to the wall, over the hearth, at one end of his long room.

He got home earlier than usual the next day and hung the mirror on the wall above the fireplace at one end of his long room.

He then carefully wiped away the dust from its face, and, clear as the water of a sunny spring, the mirror shone out from beneath the envious covering. But his interest was chiefly occupied with the curious carving of the frame. This he cleaned as well as he could with a brush; and then he proceeded to a minute examination of its various parts, in the hope of discovering some index to the intention of the carver. In this, however, he was unsuccessful; and, at length, pausing with some weariness and disappointment, he gazed vacantly for a few moments into the depth of the reflected room. But ere long he said, half aloud: “What a strange thing a mirror is! and what a wondrous affinity exists between it and a man’s imagination! For this room of mine, as I behold it in the glass, is the same, and yet not the same. It is not the mere representation of the room I live in, but it looks just as if I were reading about it in a story I like. All its commonness has disappeared. The mirror has lifted it out of the region of fact into the realm of art; and the very representing of it to me has clothed with interest that which was otherwise hard and bare; just as one sees with delight upon the stage the representation of a character from which one would escape in life as from something unendurably wearisome. But is it not rather that art rescues nature from the weary and sated regards of our senses, and the degrading injustice of our anxious everyday life, and, appealing to the imagination, which dwells apart, reveals Nature in some degree as she really is, and as she represents herself to the eye of the child, whose every-day life, fearless and unambitious, meets the true import of the wonder-teeming world around him, and rejoices therein without questioning? That skeleton, now—I almost fear it, standing there so still, with eyes only for the unseen, like a watch-tower looking across all the waste of this busy world into the quiet regions of rest beyond. And yet I know every bone and every joint in it as well as my own fist. And that old battle-axe looks as if any moment it might be caught up by a mailed hand, and, borne forth by the mighty arm, go crashing through casque, and skull, and brain, invading the Unknown with yet another bewildered ghost. I should like to live in that room if I could only get into it.”

He then carefully wiped away the dust from its surface, and, as clear as the water of a sunny spring, the mirror sparkled from beneath its jealous covering. But his main focus was on the intricate carving of the frame. He cleaned it as best as he could with a brush and then took a close look at its various parts, hoping to find some clue about the carver's intention. However, he was unsuccessful in this, and eventually, feeling a bit tired and disappointed, he gazed blankly for a few moments into the depth of the reflected room. But soon he said, half to himself, “What a strange thing a mirror is! And what a fascinating connection there is between it and a person’s imagination! This room of mine, as I see it in the glass, is the same, yet not the same. It’s not just a simple reflection of the room I live in; it feels like I'm reading about it in a story I enjoy. All its ordinary qualities have vanished. The mirror has lifted it out of reality and into the realm of art; just by being reflected, it has added interest to what was otherwise dull and bare, just like how one enjoys seeing a character on stage that they would want to escape from in real life as something unbearably tedious. But isn't it true that art rescues nature from the dull and weary eyes of our senses, and the degrading injustice of our anxious daily lives, and, appealing to the imagination that stands apart, reveals nature in some way as it truly is and how it presents itself to the eyes of a child, whose everyday life—fearless and unambitious—meets the true essence of the wonder-filled world around them and takes joy in it without questioning? That skeleton, now—I almost fear it, standing so still, with eyes only for the unseen, like a watchtower gazing across all the chaos of this busy world into the peaceful regions of rest beyond. And yet I know every bone and every joint in it just as well as my own fist. And that old battle-axe looks like it could be grabbed by a armored hand at any moment, and with a mighty swing, it could go crashing through helm, skull, and brain, unleashing yet another confused ghost into the Unknown. I would love to live in that room if I could only get into it.”

Scarcely had the half-moulded words floated from him, as he stood gazing into the mirror, when, striking him as with a flash of amazement that fixed him in his posture, noiseless and unannounced, glided suddenly through the door into the reflected room, with stately motion, yet reluctant and faltering step, the graceful form of a woman, clothed all in white. Her back only was visible as she walked slowly up to the couch in the further end of the room, on which she laid herself wearily, turning towards him a face of unutterable loveliness, in which suffering, and dislike, and a sense of compulsion, strangely mingled with the beauty. He stood without the power of motion for some moments, with his eyes irrecoverably fixed upon her; and even after he was conscious of the ability to move, he could not summon up courage to turn and look on her, face to face, in the veritable chamber in which he stood. At length, with a sudden effort, in which the exercise of the will was so pure, that it seemed involuntary, he turned his face to the couch. It was vacant. In bewilderment, mingled with terror, he turned again to the mirror: there, on the reflected couch, lay the exquisite lady-form. She lay with closed eyes, whence two large tears were just welling from beneath the veiling lids; still as death, save for the convulsive motion of her bosom.

As soon as the half-formed words left his lips while he stared into the mirror, he suddenly felt a jolt of astonishment that left him frozen in place. Without a sound and without warning, a graceful woman dressed entirely in white glided through the door into the mirrored room. With a dignified movement but hesitant steps, she walked slowly to the couch at the far end, where she lay down wearily. Turning towards him, she revealed a face of indescribable beauty, one that mingled suffering, dislike, and a sense of being trapped with her stunning appearance. He found himself unable to move for several moments, his gaze fixed on her. Even when he realized he could move again, he lacked the courage to turn and face her directly in the actual room. Finally, with a sudden effort that felt almost involuntary, he turned his gaze towards the couch. It was empty. Confused and terrified, he looked back at the mirror: there, on the reflective couch, lay the beautiful woman. She rested with her eyes closed, from which two large tears were just starting to spill from beneath her veiling lids, still as death except for the harsh rising and falling of her chest.

Cosmo himself could not have described what he felt. His emotions were of a kind that destroyed consciousness, and could never be clearly recalled. He could not help standing yet by the mirror, and keeping his eyes fixed on the lady, though he was painfully aware of his rudeness, and feared every moment that she would open hers, and meet his fixed regard. But he was, ere long, a little relieved; for, after a while, her eyelids slowly rose, and her eyes remained uncovered, but unemployed for a time; and when, at length, they began to wander about the room, as if languidly seeking to make some acquaintance with her environment, they were never directed towards him: it seemed nothing but what was in the mirror could affect her vision; and, therefore, if she saw him at all, it could only be his back, which, of necessity, was turned towards her in the glass. The two figures in the mirror could not meet face to face, except he turned and looked at her, present in his room; and, as she was not there, he concluded that if he were to turn towards the part in his room corresponding to that in which she lay, his reflection would either be invisible to her altogether, or at least it must appear to her to gaze vacantly towards her, and no meeting of the eyes would produce the impression of spiritual proximity. By-and-by her eyes fell upon the skeleton, and he saw her shudder and close them. She did not open them again, but signs of repugnance continued evident on her countenance. Cosmo would have removed the obnoxious thing at once, but he feared to discompose her yet more by the assertion of his presence which the act would involve. So he stood and watched her. The eyelids yet shrouded the eyes, as a costly case the jewels within; the troubled expression gradually faded from the countenance, leaving only a faint sorrow behind; the features settled into an unchanging expression of rest; and by these signs, and the slow regular motion of her breathing, Cosmo knew that she slept. He could now gaze on her without embarrassment. He saw that her figure, dressed in the simplest robe of white, was worthy of her face; and so harmonious, that either the delicately moulded foot, or any finger of the equally delicate hand, was an index to the whole. As she lay, her whole form manifested the relaxation of perfect repose. He gazed till he was weary, and at last seated himself near the new-found shrine, and mechanically took up a book, like one who watches by a sick-bed. But his eyes gathered no thoughts from the page before him. His intellect had been stunned by the bold contradiction, to its face, of all its experience, and now lay passive, without assertion, or speculation, or even conscious astonishment; while his imagination sent one wild dream of blessedness after another coursing through his soul. How long he sat he knew not; but at length he roused himself, rose, and, trembling in every portion of his frame, looked again into the mirror. She was gone. The mirror reflected faithfully what his room presented, and nothing more. It stood there like a golden setting whence the central jewel has been stolen away—like a night-sky without the glory of its stars. She had carried with her all the strangeness of the reflected room. It had sunk to the level of the one without.

Cosmo couldn't put into words what he was feeling. His emotions were so overwhelming that they clouded his mind, and he knew he could never remember them clearly. He couldn't help but stand by the mirror, his eyes locked on the woman, fully aware of how rude he was being and fearing that at any moment she would open her eyes and catch him staring. After a little while, he felt somewhat relieved; her eyelids gradually lifted, and although her eyes were open, they seemed unfocused for a while. When her gaze finally began to wander around the room, it looked like she was lazily trying to get familiar with her surroundings, but she never looked at him. It seemed that only what was in the mirror interested her, so if she saw him at all, it would just be his back, which was naturally turned toward her in the reflection. The two figures in the mirror couldn't meet face to face unless he turned to look directly at her, and since she wasn't physically there, he figured that if he turned toward the spot in his room that corresponded with where she lay, his reflection would either be invisible to her or at least appear to be gazing blankly away from her, making it impossible for their eyes to meet and create any sense of intimacy. Eventually, her gaze fell on the skeleton, and he noticed her shudder and close her eyes. She didn't open them again, but her face clearly showed her disgust. Cosmo wanted to remove the skeleton immediately, but he worried that doing so would only disturb her further by asserting his presence. So, he stood there watching her. Her eyelids still covered her eyes, much like an expensive case hiding precious jewels; her worried expression slowly faded away, leaving just a hint of sadness. Her features settled into a calm, unchanging look of rest, and from these signs, along with the slow, regular rhythm of her breathing, Cosmo realized that she was asleep. He could now observe her without feeling embarrassed. He noticed that her figure, dressed in a simple white robe, matched her face perfectly; everything about her was so harmonious that even her delicate foot or any finger on her equally delicate hand reflected her overall beauty. As she lay there, her entire body showed the relaxation of deep rest. He gazed at her until he grew tired, eventually sitting down near this newfound sanctuary and mechanically picking up a book, like someone keeping a vigil by a sickbed. But his eyes absorbed no thoughts from the page in front of him. His mind was stunned by the stark contrast to everything he had ever known, and it lay dormant, without any thoughts, predictions, or even conscious surprise, while his imagination raced with wild dreams of bliss. He lost track of time sitting there, but eventually, he snapped back to reality, stood up, and trembled all over as he looked back into the mirror. She was gone. The mirror now reflected only what was in his room, nothing more. It stood there like a beautiful frame from which the central gem had been taken—like a night sky missing its stars. She had taken with her all the enchantment of the reflected room, leaving it as dull as the outside.

But when the first pangs of his disappointment had passed, Cosmo began to comfort himself with the hope that she might return, perhaps the next evening, at the same hour. Resolving that if she did, she should not at least be scared by the hateful skeleton, he removed that and several other articles of questionable appearance into a recess by the side of the hearth, whence they could not possibly cast any reflection into the mirror; and having made his poor room as tidy as he could, sought the solace of the open sky and of a night wind that had begun to blow, for he could not rest where he was. When he returned, somewhat composed, he could hardly prevail with himself to lie down on his bed; for he could not help feeling as if she had lain upon it; and for him to lie there now would be something like sacrilege. However, weariness prevailed; and laying himself on the couch, dressed as he was, he slept till day.

But once the initial sting of his disappointment faded, Cosmo began to reassure himself with the hope that she might come back, maybe the next evening at the same time. Deciding that if she did return, she shouldn't be frightened by the awful skeleton, he moved it and a few other questionable items into a nook by the hearth, where they wouldn't reflect in the mirror. After tidying up his shabby room as best as he could, he sought refuge in the open sky and the night breeze that had started to blow, since he couldn't stay where he was. When he returned, feeling a bit calmer, he found it hard to bring himself to lie down on his bed; he couldn't shake the feeling that she had been there, and lying there now felt almost like a sacrilege. Still, exhaustion won out; he laid down on the couch, fully dressed, and slept until morning.

With a beating heart, beating till he could hardly breathe, he stood in dumb hope before the mirror, on the following evening. Again the reflected room shone as through a purple vapour in the gathering twilight. Everything seemed waiting like himself for a coming splendour to glorify its poor earthliness with the presence of a heavenly joy. And just as the room vibrated with the strokes of the neighbouring church bell, announcing the hour of six, in glided the pale beauty, and again laid herself on the couch. Poor Cosmo nearly lost his senses with delight. She was there once more! Her eyes sought the corner where the skeleton had stood, and a faint gleam of satisfaction crossed her face, apparently at seeing it empty. She looked suffering still, but there was less of discomfort expressed in her countenance than there had been the night before. She took more notice of the things about her, and seemed to gaze with some curiosity on the strange apparatus standing here and there in her room. At length, however, drowsiness seemed to overtake her, and again she fell asleep. Resolved not to lose sight of her this time, Cosmo watched the sleeping form. Her slumber was so deep and absorbing that a fascinating repose seemed to pass contagiously from her to him as he gazed upon her; and he started as if from a dream, when the lady moved, and, without opening her eyes, rose, and passed from the room with the gait of a somnambulist.

With a racing heart, pounding so hard he could hardly breathe, he stood in silent hope in front of the mirror the next evening. Once again, the reflected room shimmered like it was surrounded by a purple haze in the fading twilight. Everything felt like it was waiting, just like him, for a coming brilliance to elevate its ordinary existence with a touch of heavenly joy. Just as the room resonated with the chimes of the nearby church bell announcing six o'clock, the pale beauty glided in and laid herself down on the couch again. Poor Cosmo nearly lost his mind with happiness. She was here once more! Her eyes searched the corner where the skeleton had been, and a faint look of relief crossed her face at seeing it empty. She still looked like she was in pain, but there was less discomfort on her face than the night before. She paid more attention to her surroundings and seemed to look with some curiosity at the strange devices scattered around her room. Eventually, however, drowsiness seemed to take over, and she fell asleep again. Determined not to lose sight of her this time, Cosmo watched her as she slept. Her slumber was so deep and consuming that an enchanting calm appeared to flow from her to him as he stared at her; he jolted as if waking from a dream when she moved, rose without opening her eyes, and walked out of the room like a sleepwalker.

Cosmo was now in a state of extravagant delight. Most men have a secret treasure somewhere. The miser has his golden hoard; the virtuoso his pet ring; the student his rare book; the poet his favourite haunt; the lover his secret drawer; but Cosmo had a mirror with a lovely lady in it. And now that he knew by the skeleton, that she was affected by the things around her, he had a new object in life: he would turn the bare chamber in the mirror into a room such as no lady need disdain to call her own. This he could effect only by furnishing and adorning his. And Cosmo was poor. Yet he possessed accomplishments that could be turned to account; although, hitherto, he had preferred living on his slender allowance, to increasing his means by what his pride considered unworthy of his rank. He was the best swordsman in the University; and now he offered to give lessons in fencing and similar exercises, to such as chose to pay him well for the trouble. His proposal was heard with surprise by the students; but it was eagerly accepted by many; and soon his instructions were not confined to the richer students, but were anxiously sought by many of the young nobility of Prague and its neighbourhood. So that very soon he had a good deal of money at his command. The first thing he did was to remove his apparatus and oddities into a closet in the room. Then he placed his bed and a few other necessaries on each side of the hearth, and parted them from the rest of the room by two screens of Indian fabric. Then he put an elegant couch for the lady to lie upon, in the corner where his bed had formerly stood; and, by degrees, every day adding some article of luxury, converted it, at length, into a rich boudoir.

Cosmo was now in a state of pure joy. Most men have a secret treasure hidden away. The miser has his stash of gold; the virtuoso has his favorite ring; the student has his rare book; the poet has his special spot; the lover has his secret drawer; but Cosmo had a mirror with a beautiful lady in it. Now that he realized, thanks to the skeleton, that she was influenced by her surroundings, he had a new goal in life: to transform the empty room in the mirror into a space that any lady would be proud to call her own. He could achieve this only by furnishing and decorating his own space. And Cosmo was poor. However, he had skills that he could use; although until now, he had chosen to live on his limited allowance rather than bolster his income with what he thought was beneath his dignity. He was the best swordsman at the University, and now he offered to teach fencing and related activities to anyone willing to pay him well for his efforts. His proposal surprised the students, but many eagerly accepted; soon, his lessons weren't just for the wealthier students but were sought after by many young nobles from Prague and its vicinity. Before long, he had quite a bit of money at his disposal. The first thing he did was move his gear and curiosities into a closet in his room. Then he placed his bed and a few essentials on either side of the hearth, separated from the rest of the room by two screens made of Indian fabric. Next, he added an elegant couch for the lady to recline on in the corner where his bed had once been; gradually, day by day, he added luxury items, ultimately transforming it into a lavish boudoir.

Every night, about the same time, the lady entered. The first time she saw the new couch, she started with a half-smile; then her face grew very sad, the tears came to her eyes, and she laid herself upon the couch, and pressed her face into the silken cushions, as if to hide from everything. She took notice of each addition and each change as the work proceeded; and a look of acknowledgment, as if she knew that some one was ministering to her, and was grateful for it, mingled with the constant look of suffering. At length, after she had lain down as usual one evening, her eyes fell upon some paintings with which Cosmo had just finished adorning the walls. She rose, and to his great delight, walked across the room, and proceeded to examine them carefully, testifying much pleasure in her looks as she did so. But again the sorrowful, tearful expression returned, and again she buried her face in the pillows of her couch. Gradually, however, her countenance had grown more composed; much of the suffering manifest on her first appearance had vanished, and a kind of quiet, hopeful expression had taken its place; which, however, frequently gave way to an anxious, troubled look, mingled with something of sympathetic pity.

Every night, around the same time, the woman would come in. The first time she saw the new couch, she started with a small smile; then her expression turned very sad, tears filled her eyes, and she lay down on the couch, pressing her face into the soft cushions as if trying to hide from everything. She noticed each addition and change as the work continued; a look of recognition flashed across her face, as if she understood someone was caring for her, and she felt grateful, yet there was still a constant look of pain. Eventually, after she had settled down one evening, her eyes landed on some paintings that Cosmo had just finished putting up on the walls. She got up and, to his great joy, walked across the room to examine them closely, looking genuinely pleased as she did so. But soon, the sorrowful, tearful look returned, and she buried her face back into the cushions of her couch. Gradually, her expression had become more composed; much of the pain she showed during her first appearance had faded, replaced by a sense of quiet hope, although it often shifted to an anxious, troubled look mixed with a hint of sympathetic pity.

Meantime, how fared Cosmo? As might be expected in one of his temperament, his interest had blossomed into love, and his love—shall I call it ripened, or—withered into passion. But, alas! he loved a shadow. He could not come near her, could not speak to her, could not hear a sound from those sweet lips, to which his longing eyes would cling like bees to their honey-founts. Ever and anon he sang to himself:

Meantime, how was Cosmo doing? As you might expect from someone like him, his interest had grown into love, and his love—should I say it matured, or—faded into passion. But, sadly, he loved someone unattainable. He couldn't get close to her, couldn't talk to her, couldn't hear a sound from those sweet lips, to which his longing eyes clung like bees to their honey. Now and then, he sang to himself:

“I shall die for love of the maiden;”

“I will die for love of the girl;”

and ever he looked again, and died not, though his heart seemed ready to break with intensity of life and longing. And the more he did for her, the more he loved her; and he hoped that, although she never appeared to see him, yet she was pleased to think that one unknown would give his life to her. He tried to comfort himself over his separation from her, by thinking that perhaps some day she would see him and make signs to him, and that would satisfy him; “for,” thought he, “is not this all that a loving soul can do to enter into communion with another? Nay, how many who love never come nearer than to behold each other as in a mirror; seem to know and yet never know the inward life; never enter the other soul; and part at last, with but the vaguest notion of the universe on the borders of which they have been hovering for years? If I could but speak to her, and knew that she heard me, I should be satisfied.” Once he contemplated painting a picture on the wall, which should, of necessity, convey to the lady a thought of himself; but, though he had some skill with the pencil, he found his hand tremble so much when he began the attempt, that he was forced to give it up. . . . . .

and he looked again, and did not die, though his heart felt like it might break with the intensity of life and longing. The more he did for her, the more he loved her; and he hoped that, even though she never seemed to notice him, she was happy to think that someone unknown would give his life for her. He tried to comfort himself about being separated from her, thinking that maybe one day she would see him and give him signs, and that would be enough for him; “for,” he thought, “isn't this all a loving soul can do to connect with another? How many people who love never get closer than seeing each other like reflections in a mirror; they seem to know but never truly understand the inner life; never delve into each other's soul; and end up parting with only the faintest idea of the vastness they’ve been skimming the edges of for years? If I could just speak to her and know she heard me, I would be content.” At one point, he thought about painting a picture on the wall that would convey a thought of himself to her; but although he had some talent with the pencil, he found his hand trembling so much when he started that he had to give it up. . . . . .

“Who lives, he dies; who dies, he is alive.”

“Who lives will die; who dies is still alive.”

One evening, as he stood gazing on his treasure, he thought he saw a faint expression of self-consciousness on her countenance, as if she surmised that passionate eyes were fixed upon her. This grew; till at last the red blood rose over her neck, and cheek, and brow. Cosmo’s longing to approach her became almost delirious. This night she was dressed in an evening costume, resplendent with diamonds. This could add nothing to her beauty, but it presented it in a new aspect; enabled her loveliness to make a new manifestation of itself in a new embodiment. For essential beauty is infinite; and, as the soul of Nature needs an endless succession of varied forms to embody her loveliness, countless faces of beauty springing forth, not any two the same, at any one of her heart-throbs; so the individual form needs an infinite change of its environments, to enable it to uncover all the phases of its loveliness. Diamonds glittered from amidst her hair, half hidden in its luxuriance, like stars through dark rain-clouds; and the bracelets on her white arms flashed all the colours of a rainbow of lightnings, as she lifted her snowy hands to cover her burning face. But her beauty shone down all its adornment. “If I might have but one of her feet to kiss,” thought Cosmo, “I should be content.” Alas! he deceived himself, for passion is never content. Nor did he know that there are two ways out of her enchanted house. But, suddenly, as if the pang had been driven into his heart from without, revealing itself first in pain, and afterwards in definite form, the thought darted into his mind, “She has a lover somewhere. Remembered words of his bring the colour on her face now. I am nowhere to her. She lives in another world all day, and all night, after she leaves me. Why does she come and make me love her, till I, a strong man, am too faint to look upon her more?” He looked again, and her face was pale as a lily. A sorrowful compassion seemed to rebuke the glitter of the restless jewels, and the slow tears rose in her eyes. She left her room sooner this evening than was her wont. Cosmo remained alone, with a feeling as if his bosom had been suddenly left empty and hollow, and the weight of the whole world was crushing in its walls. The next evening, for the first time since she began to come, she came not.

One evening, as he stood staring at his treasure, he thought he noticed a faint hint of self-awareness on her face, as if she sensed that passionate eyes were fixed on her. This feeling intensified, until finally, the color rushed to her neck, cheek, and brow. Cosmo’s desire to approach her became almost overwhelming. That night, she wore an evening gown adorned with diamonds. This added nothing to her natural beauty but showcased it in a new way, allowing her loveliness to express itself in a fresh manner. Essential beauty is infinite; just as Nature needs a constant variety of forms to show her loveliness, creating countless beautiful faces that are never the same at any moment, so does the individual form require endless changes in its surroundings to reveal all the aspects of its beauty. Diamonds sparkled in her hair, partially hidden in its richness, like stars peeking through dark rain clouds; and the bracelets on her fair arms flashed every color like a rainbow of lightning as she lifted her pale hands to cover her flushed face. Yet her beauty outshone all her embellishments. “If only I could kiss one of her feet,” thought Cosmo, “I would be satisfied.” Unfortunately, he was fooling himself, for passion is never satisfied. He didn't realize there are two ways out of her enchanted house. Suddenly, as if a painful thought had struck him from outside, revealing itself first as pain and then as clarity, the idea hit him: “She has a lover somewhere. Memories of him are bringing color to her face now. I mean nothing to her. She lives in another world all day and night when she’s not with me. Why does she come and make me love her, until I, a strong man, can't bear to look at her anymore?” He looked again, and her face was pale as a lily. A sorrowful compassion seemed to overshadow the sparkle of the restless jewels, and tears slowly filled her eyes. She left her room earlier than usual that night. Cosmo was left alone, feeling as if his chest had been suddenly emptied and hollowed out, with the weight of the entire world pressing in on him. The next evening, for the first time since she began visiting, she did not come.

And now Cosmo was in wretched plight. Since the thought of a rival had occurred to him, he could not rest for a moment. More than ever he longed to see the lady face to face. He persuaded himself that if he but knew the worst he would be satisfied; for then he could abandon Prague, and find that relief in constant motion, which is the hope of all active minds when invaded by distress. Meantime he waited with unspeakable anxiety for the next night, hoping she would return: but she did not appear. And now he fell really ill. Rallied by his fellow students on his wretched looks, he ceased to attend the lectures. His engagements were neglected. He cared for nothing. The sky, with the great sun in it, was to him a heartless, burning desert. The men and women in the streets were mere puppets, without motives in themselves, or interest to him. He saw them all as on the ever-changing field of a camera obscura. She—she alone and altogether—was his universe, his well of life, his incarnate good. For six evenings she came not. Let his absorbing passion, and the slow fever that was consuming his brain, be his excuse for the resolution which he had taken and begun to execute, before that time had expired.

And now Cosmo was in a terrible situation. Ever since he had thought about a rival, he couldn’t relax for even a moment. More than ever, he wanted to see the lady in person. He convinced himself that if he just knew what was going on, he would feel better; then he could leave Prague and find relief in constant movement, which is what all active minds hope for when they’re troubled. In the meantime, he waited with intense anxiety for the next night, hoping she would come back: but she didn’t show up. Now he was getting really sick. Teased by his fellow students about how awful he looked, he stopped attending lectures. He neglected his commitments. He didn’t care about anything. The sky, with the big sun shining in it, felt to him like a heartless, burning wasteland. The men and women in the streets were just puppets, lacking any purpose or interest to him. He saw them all like they were on the constantly changing stage of a camera obscura. She—she alone and entirely—was his entire world, his source of life, his embodiment of goodness. For six evenings she didn’t come. Let his overwhelming passion and the slow fever that was eating away at his mind be his excuse for the decision he made and started to carry out before that time had passed.

Reasoning with himself, that it must be by some enchantment connected with the mirror, that the form of the lady was to be seen in it, he determined to attempt to turn to account what he had hitherto studied principally from curiosity. “For,” said he to himself, “if a spell can force her presence in that glass (and she came unwillingly at first), may not a stronger spell, such as I know, especially with the aid of her half-presence in the mirror, if ever she appears again, compel her living form to come to me here? If I do her wrong, let love be my excuse. I want only to know my doom from her own lips.” He never doubted, all the time, that she was a real earthly woman; or, rather, that there was a woman, who, somehow or other, threw this reflection of her form into the magic mirror.

Reasoning with himself that it must be some kind of enchantment linked to the mirror that allowed the lady's image to appear in it, he decided to make use of what he had previously studied mostly out of curiosity. “For,” he thought to himself, “if a spell can bring her presence into that glass (and she came unwillingly at first), might not a stronger spell, one I know, especially with the help of her half-presence in the mirror if she ever appears again, force her real form to come to me here? If I do something wrong, let love be my excuse. I just want to know my fate from her own lips.” He never doubted that she was a real woman; or rather, that there was a woman who, somehow, projected this reflection of herself into the magic mirror.

He opened his secret drawer, took out his books of magic, lighted his lamp, and read and made notes from midnight till three in the morning, for three successive nights. Then he replaced his books; and the next night went out in quest of the materials necessary for the conjuration. These were not easy to find; for, in love-charms and all incantations of this nature, ingredients are employed scarcely fit to be mentioned, and for the thought even of which, in connexion with her, he could only excuse himself on the score of his bitter need. At length he succeeded in procuring all he required; and on the seventh evening from that on which she had last appeared, he found himself prepared for the exercise of unlawful and tyrannical power.

He opened his secret drawer, took out his books on magic, lit his lamp, and read and took notes from midnight until three in the morning for three nights in a row. Then he put his books back; the next night, he went out looking for the materials needed for the spell. These were hard to find because, in love charms and similar incantations, the ingredients used are often too inappropriate to mention, and he could only justify his thoughts about them in connection with her due to his desperate need. Eventually, he managed to gather everything he needed; and on the seventh night after she had last appeared, he realized he was ready to wield forbidden and overpowering magic.

He cleared the centre of the room; stooped and drew a circle of red on the floor, around the spot where he stood; wrote in the four quarters mystical signs, and numbers which were all powers of seven or nine; examined the whole ring carefully, to see that no smallest break had occurred in the circumference; and then rose from his bending posture. As he rose, the church clock struck seven; and, just as she had appeared the first time, reluctant, slow, and stately, glided in the lady. Cosmo trembled; and when, turning, she revealed a countenance worn and wan, as with sickness or inward trouble, he grew faint, and felt as if he dared not proceed. But as he gazed on the face and form, which now possessed his whole soul, to the exclusion of all other joys and griefs, the longing to speak to her, to know that she heard him, to hear from her one word in return, became so unendurable, that he suddenly and hastily resumed his preparations. Stepping carefully from the circle, he put a small brazier into its centre. He then set fire to its contents of charcoal, and while it burned up, opened his window and seated himself, waiting, beside it.

He cleared the center of the room, bent down, and drew a red circle on the floor around where he stood. He wrote mystical signs and numbers in the four quarters, all of which were multiples of seven or nine. He carefully examined the entire ring to make sure there were no tiny breaks in the circumference, then straightened up. As he stood, the church clock chimed seven. Just like the first time, the lady glided in, slow, reluctant, and graceful. Cosmo trembled, and when she turned to reveal a face that looked tired and pale, as if from illness or inner turmoil, he felt faint and unsure if he could go on. But as he looked at her face and form, which filled his entire being and pushed aside all other joys and sorrows, the desire to speak to her, to know she was listening, and to hear just one word from her became unbearable. So, he abruptly returned to his preparations. Carefully stepping out of the circle, he placed a small brazier in its center. He then lit the charcoal inside it and, while it burned, opened his window and sat down beside it, waiting.

It was a sultry evening. The air was full of thunder. A sense of luxurious depression filled the brain. The sky seemed to have grown heavy, and to compress the air beneath it. A kind of purplish tinge pervaded the atmosphere, and through the open window came the scents of the distant fields, which all the vapours of the city could not quench. Soon the charcoal glowed. Cosmo sprinkled upon it the incense and other substances which he had compounded, and, stepping within the circle, turned his face from the brazier and towards the mirror. Then, fixing his eyes upon the face of the lady, he began with a trembling voice to repeat a powerful incantation. He had not gone far, before the lady grew pale; and then, like a returning wave, the blood washed all its banks with its crimson tide, and she hid her face in her hands. Then he passed to a conjuration stronger yet.

It was a muggy evening. The air was thick with thunder. A feeling of heavy sadness filled the mind. The sky seemed to weigh down, pressing the air below it. A kind of purplish hue spread throughout the atmosphere, and through the open window floated the scents of distant fields that no amount of city pollution could drown out. Soon the charcoal began to glow. Cosmo sprinkled it with the incense and other mixtures he had prepared, then stepped into the circle, turning his face away from the brazier and towards the mirror. Locking his gaze on the lady’s face, he began to recite a powerful incantation in a trembling voice. He hadn’t gotten far when she grew pale; then, like a returning wave, her blood surged back, flooding her cheeks, and she covered her face with her hands. Then he moved on to an even stronger conjuration.

The lady rose and walked uneasily to and fro in her room. Another spell; and she seemed seeking with her eyes for some object on which they wished to rest. At length it seemed as if she suddenly espied him; for her eyes fixed themselves full and wide upon his, and she drew gradually, and somewhat unwillingly, close to her side of the mirror, just as if his eyes had fascinated her. Cosmo had never seen her so near before. Now at least, eyes met eyes; but he could not quite understand the expression of hers. They were full of tender entreaty, but there was something more that he could not interpret. Though his heart seemed to labour in his throat, he would allow no delight or agitation to turn him from his task. Looking still in her face, he passed on to the mightiest charm he knew. Suddenly the lady turned and walked out of the door of her reflected chamber. A moment after she entered his room with veritable presence; and, forgetting all his precautions, he sprang from the charmed circle, and knelt before her. There she stood, the living lady of his passionate visions, alone beside him, in a thundery twilight, and the glow of a magic fire.

The lady got up and paced nervously back and forth in her room. After a moment, it seemed like she was searching with her eyes for something to focus on. Finally, it looked like she suddenly noticed him; her gaze locked onto his, wide and intense, as she slowly and somewhat reluctantly moved closer to her side of the mirror, almost as if he had captivated her. Cosmo had never seen her this close before. Now, at least, their eyes were meeting; but he couldn’t quite figure out the expression on her face. It was full of a gentle plea, but there was something else that he couldn’t understand. Even though his heart felt like it was pounding in his throat, he wouldn’t let any excitement or anxiety distract him from what he needed to do. Still looking at her, he moved on to the most powerful spell he knew. Suddenly, the lady turned and walked out of the door of her mirrored room. Moments later, she entered his space in the flesh; forgetting all his precautions, he leaped out of the enchanted circle and knelt before her. There she was, the living embodiment of his passionate dreams, standing next to him in a stormy twilight, illuminated by the glow of a magical fire.

“Why,” said the lady, with a trembling voice, “didst thou bring a poor maiden through the rainy streets alone?”

“Why,” said the lady, with a trembling voice, “did you bring a poor girl through the rainy streets alone?”

“Because I am dying for love of thee; but I only brought thee from the mirror there.”

“Because I’m dying for love of you; but I only brought you from the mirror there.”

“Ah, the mirror!” and she looked up at it, and shuddered. “Alas! I am but a slave, while that mirror exists. But do not think it was the power of thy spells that drew me; it was thy longing desire to see me, that beat at the door of my heart, till I was forced to yield.”

“Ah, the mirror!” she said, looking up at it, and shuddering. “Alas! I am just a slave as long as that mirror is here. But don’t think it was your magic that brought me; it was your intense desire to see me that knocked on the door of my heart until I had to give in.”

“Canst thou love me then?” said Cosmo, in a voice calm as death, but almost inarticulate with emotion.

“Can you love me then?” said Cosmo, in a voice as calm as death, but almost too choked with emotion to speak.

“I do not know,” she replied sadly; “that I cannot tell, so long as I am bewildered with enchantments. It were indeed a joy too great, to lay my head on thy bosom and weep to death; for I think thou lovest me, though I do not know;—but——”

“I don't know,” she said sadly; “I can't tell you, as long as I'm confused with all these enchantments. It would truly be too great a joy to lay my head on your chest and cry until I die; for I believe you love me, although I'm not sure;—but——”

Cosmo rose from his knees.

Cosmo got up from his knees.

“I love thee as—nay, I know not what—for since I have loved thee, there is nothing else.”

“I love you like—no, I don't even know how—because ever since I started loving you, there's nothing else.”

He seized her hand: she withdrew it.

He grabbed her hand; she pulled it away.

“No, better not; I am in thy power, and therefore I may not.”

“No, it's better not to; I’m in your control, so I can’t.”

She burst into tears, and kneeling before him in her turn, said—

She broke down in tears, and kneeling in front of him, said—

“Cosmo, if thou lovest me, set me free, even from thyself; break the mirror.”

“Cosmo, if you love me, set me free, even from yourself; break the mirror.”

“And shall I see thyself instead?”

“And should I see you instead?”

“That I cannot tell, I will not deceive thee; we may never meet again.”

“That I can’t say, I won’t lie to you; we might never see each other again.”

A fierce struggle arose in Cosmo’s bosom. Now she was in his power. She did not dislike him at least; and he could see her when he would. To break the mirror would be to destroy his very life, to banish out of his universe the only glory it possessed. The whole world would be but a prison, if he annihilated the one window that looked into the paradise of love. Not yet pure in love, he hesitated.

A fierce struggle raged within Cosmo. Now she was under his control. At least she didn't dislike him; and he could see her whenever he wanted. Shattering the mirror would mean destroying his very existence, erasing the only beauty in his life. The entire world would feel like a prison if he eliminated the one window into the paradise of love. Still uncertain in his feelings, he hesitated.

With a wail of sorrow the lady rose to her feet. “Ah! he loves me not; he loves me not even as I love him; and alas! I care more for his love than even for the freedom I ask.”

With a cry of sadness, the lady stood up. “Oh! He doesn’t love me; he doesn’t love me even half as much as I love him; and sadly, I care more about his love than I do about the freedom I seek.”

“I will not wait to be willing,” cried Cosmo; and sprang to the corner where the great sword stood.

“I won’t wait to be ready,” shouted Cosmo, and rushed to the corner where the great sword was.

Meantime it had grown very dark; only the embers cast a red glow through the room. He seized the sword by the steel scabbard, and stood before the mirror; but as he heaved a great blow at it with the heavy pommel, the blade slipped half-way out of the scabbard, and the pommel struck the wall above the mirror. At that moment, a terrible clap of thunder seemed to burst in the very room beside them; and ere Cosmo could repeat the blow, he fell senseless on the hearth. When he came to himself, he found that the lady and the mirror had both disappeared. He was seized with a brain fever, which kept him to his couch for weeks.

Meanwhile, it had gotten really dark; only the embers gave off a red glow in the room. He grabbed the sword by the steel scabbard and stood in front of the mirror; but when he swung the heavy pommel at it, the blade slipped halfway out of the scabbard, and the pommel hit the wall above the mirror. At that moment, a loud clap of thunder seemed to echo in the room right next to them; and before Cosmo could swing again, he collapsed on the hearth, unconscious. When he came to, he realized that both the lady and the mirror were gone. He was struck with a fever that kept him in bed for weeks.

When he recovered his reason, he began to think what could have become of the mirror. For the lady, he hoped she had found her way back as she came; but as the mirror involved her fate with its own, he was more immediately anxious about that. He could not think she had carried it away. It was much too heavy, even if it had not been too firmly fixed in the wall, for her to remove it. Then again, he remembered the thunder; which made him believe that it was not the lightning, but some other blow that had struck him down. He concluded that, either by supernatural agency, he having exposed himself to the vengeance of the demons in leaving the circle of safety, or in some other mode, the mirror had probably found its way back to its former owner; and, horrible to think of, might have been by this time once more disposed of, delivering up the lady into the power of another man; who, if he used his power no worse than he himself had done, might yet give Cosmo abundant cause to curse the selfish indecision which prevented him from shattering the mirror at once. Indeed, to think that she whom he loved, and who had prayed to him for freedom, should be still at the mercy, in some degree, of the possessor of the mirror, and was at least exposed to his constant observation, was in itself enough to madden a chary lover.

When he regained his senses, he started to wonder what had happened to the mirror. As for the lady, he hoped she had found her way back home like she had come; but since the mirror's fate was tied to hers, he was more worried about that. He couldn't believe she had taken it with her. It was way too heavy, not to mention how firmly it was fixed to the wall, for her to remove it. Then he remembered the thunder, which led him to think that it wasn’t lightning but some other force that had knocked him down. He figured that either through some supernatural force, since he had put himself in danger by leaving the safe circle, or through some other means, the mirror had probably made its way back to its original owner. And, horrifying to consider, it might have already been handed over to someone else, putting the lady under the control of another man who, if he treated her no worse than Cosmo had, might still give Cosmo plenty of reasons to regret his selfish hesitation in not destroying the mirror right away. Indeed, to think that the woman he loved, who had pleaded with him for freedom, was still at the mercy, to some extent, of the mirror's possessor and was at least under his constant watch was enough to drive a cautious lover mad.

Anxiety to be well retarded his recovery; but at length he was able to creep abroad. He first made his way to the old broker’s, pretending to be in search of something else. A laughing sneer on the creature’s face convinced him that he knew all about it; but he could not see it amongst his furniture, or get any information out of him as to what had become of it. He expressed the utmost surprise at hearing it had been stolen, a surprise which Cosmo saw at once to be counterfeited; while, at the same time, he fancied that the old wretch was not at all anxious to have it mistaken for genuine. Full of distress, which he concealed as well as he could, he made many searches, but with no avail. Of course he could ask no questions; but he kept his ears awake for any remotest hint that might set him in a direction of search. He never went out without a short heavy hammer of steel about him, that he might shatter the mirror the moment he was made happy by the sight of his lost treasure, if ever that blessed moment should arrive. Whether he should see the lady again, was now a thought altogether secondary, and postponed to the achievement of her freedom. He wandered here and there, like an anxious ghost, pale and haggard; gnawed ever at the heart, by the thought of what she might be suffering—all from his fault.

Anxiety about getting better slowed down his recovery, but eventually, he managed to go out. He first headed to the old broker’s place, pretending to seek something else. The sneer on the broker’s face made him sure that he knew everything, but he couldn't find anything among his furniture, nor could he get any information about what had happened to it. The broker acted completely surprised to hear it had been stolen, a surprise that Cosmo immediately recognized as fake; at the same time, he sensed that the old man wasn't at all eager for it to be mistaken for the real thing. Full of distress, which he tried to hide, he searched high and low, but found nothing. Naturally, he couldn’t ask any questions, but he kept his ears open for the slightest clue that might point him in the right direction. He never left home without a short, heavy steel hammer, ready to shatter the mirror the moment he was blessed with the sight of his lost treasure, if that moment ever came. Whether he would see the lady again was now a thought that took a backseat, postponed until he could secure her freedom. He wandered around like a restless ghost, pale and worn out; tormented constantly by the thought of what she might be going through—all because of him.

One night, he mingled with a crowd that filled the rooms of one of the most distinguished mansions in the city; for he accepted every invitation, that he might lose no chance, however poor, of obtaining some information that might expedite his discovery. Here he wandered about, listening to every stray word that he could catch, in the hope of a revelation. As he approached some ladies who were talking quietly in a corner, one said to another:

One night, he mixed with a crowd filling the rooms of one of the city's most prestigious mansions; he accepted every invitation to ensure he didn’t miss any opportunity, no matter how small, to gather information that could speed up his search. He roamed around, catching every random word he could, hoping for a breakthrough. As he got closer to a few ladies chatting softly in a corner, one of them said to the other:

“Have you heard of the strange illness of the Princess von Hohenweiss?”

“Have you heard about the unusual illness of Princess von Hohenweiss?”

“Yes; she has been ill for more than a year now. It is very sad for so fine a creature to have such a terrible malady. She was better for some weeks lately, but within the last few days the same attacks have returned, apparently accompanied with more suffering than ever. It is altogether an inexplicable story.”

“Yes; she has been sick for over a year now. It’s really sad for such a wonderful person to have such a terrible illness. She felt better for a few weeks recently, but in the last few days, the same episodes have come back, seemingly with more pain than ever. It’s entirely an unfathomable situation.”

“Is there a story connected with her illness?”

“Is there a story related to her illness?”

“I have only heard imperfect reports of it; but it is said that she gave offence some eighteen months ago to an old woman who had held an office of trust in the family, and who, after some incoherent threats, disappeared. This peculiar affection followed soon after. But the strangest part of the story is its association with the loss of an antique mirror, which stood in her dressing-room, and of which she constantly made use.”

“I’ve only heard incomplete stories about it, but it’s said that she upset an old woman who used to have a trusted position in the family about eighteen months ago, and after some vague threats, the woman vanished. This unusual affection followed not long after. But the weirdest part of the story is how it’s connected to the disappearance of an antique mirror that was in her dressing room and that she always used.”

Here the speaker’s voice sank to a whisper; and Cosmo, although his very soul sat listening in his ears, could hear no more. He trembled too much to dare to address the ladies, even if it had been advisable to expose himself to their curiosity. The name of the Princess was well known to him, but he had never seen her; except indeed it was she, which now he hardly doubted, who had knelt before him on that dreadful night. Fearful of attracting attention, for, from the weak state of his health, he could not recover an appearance of calmness, he made his way to the open air, and reached his lodgings; glad in this, that he at least knew where she lived, although he never dreamed of approaching her openly, even if he should be happy enough to free her from her hateful bondage. He hoped, too, that as he had unexpectedly learned so much, the other and far more important part might be revealed to him ere long.

Here the speaker’s voice dropped to a whisper, and Cosmo, though he was hanging on every word, could hear nothing more. He was too nervous to dare speak to the ladies, even if it would have been wise to face their curiosity. He knew the name of the Princess well, but he had never seen her—unless it was her who had knelt before him on that dreadful night, which he now barely doubted. Afraid of drawing attention to himself, since his health was so weak that he couldn’t regain any semblance of calm, he made his way outside and returned to his lodgings. He was at least relieved to know where she lived, although he never imagined approaching her directly, even if he somehow succeeded in freeing her from her awful situation. He also hoped that, having learned so much unexpectedly, the other and much more important part would be revealed to him soon.


“Have you seen Steinwald lately?”

"Have you seen Steinwald recently?"

“No, I have not seen him for some time. He is almost a match for me at the rapier, and I suppose he thinks he needs no more lessons.”

“No, I haven't seen him in a while. He's almost my equal with the rapier, and I guess he thinks he no longer needs lessons.”

“I wonder what has become of him. I want to see him very much. Let me see; the last time I saw him he was coming out of that old broker’s den, to which, if you remember, you accompanied me once, to look at some armour. That is fully three weeks ago.”

“I wonder what happened to him. I really want to see him. Let me think; the last time I saw him was when he was leaving that old broker’s place, where, if you recall, you went with me once to check out some armor. That was about three weeks ago.”

This hint was enough for Cosmo. Von Steinwald was a man of influence in the court, well known for his reckless habits and fierce passions. The very possibility that the mirror should be in his possession was hell itself to Cosmo. But violent or hasty measures of any sort were most unlikely to succeed. All that he wanted was an opportunity of breaking the fatal glass; and to obtain this he must bide his time. He revolved many plans in his mind, but without being able to fix upon any.

This hint was enough for Cosmo. Von Steinwald was an influential figure at court, notorious for his reckless behavior and intense passions. The mere thought that the mirror could be in his hands was torture for Cosmo. However, any violent or impulsive actions were unlikely to work. All he wanted was a chance to destroy the cursed glass, and to get this, he needed to wait for the right moment. He considered many plans in his mind but couldn’t settle on any.

At length, one evening, as he was passing the house of Von Steinwald, he saw the windows more than usually brilliant. He watched for a while, and seeing that company began to arrive, hastened home, and dressed as richly as he could, in the hope of mingling with the guests unquestioned: in effecting which, there could be no difficulty for a man of his carriage.

At last, one evening, as he was walking past Von Steinwald's house, he noticed the windows were particularly bright. He stood there for a while, and when he saw guests starting to arrive, he hurried home and put on his best clothes, hoping to join the party without attracting attention. For someone with his confidence, this was not going to be a problem.


In a lofty, silent chamber, in another part of the city, lay a form more like marble than a living woman. The loveliness of death seemed frozen upon her face, for her lips were rigid, and her eyelids closed. Her long white hands were crossed over her breast, and no breathing disturbed their repose. Beside the dead, men speak in whispers, as if the deepest rest of all could be broken by the sound of a living voice. Just so, though the soul was evidently beyond the reach of all intimations from the senses, the two ladies, who sat beside her, spoke in the gentlest tones of subdued sorrow. “She has lain so for an hour.”

In a high, quiet room, in a different part of the city, lay a figure more like marble than a living woman. The beauty of death seemed frozen on her face, as her lips were stiff and her eyelids were shut. Her long white hands were crossed over her chest, and no breathing disturbed their stillness. Next to the dead, people speak in hushed tones, as if the most profound sleep could be disturbed by the sound of a living voice. Just like that, even though her soul was clearly beyond the reach of any sensory hints, the two women sitting beside her spoke in the softest tones of muted sorrow. “She has been like this for an hour.”

“This cannot last long, I fear.”

“This can't last long, I’m afraid.”

“How much thinner she has grown within the last few weeks! If she would only speak, and explain what she suffers, it would be better for her. I think she has visions in her trances, but nothing can induce her to refer to them when she is awake.”

“How much thinner she has gotten in just the last few weeks! If she would just talk and explain what she's going through, it would be better for her. I think she has visions during her trances, but nothing can make her mention them when she’s awake.”

“Does she ever speak in these trances?”

“Does she ever talk during these trances?”

“I have never heard her; but they say she walks sometimes, and once put the whole household in a terrible fright by disappearing for a whole hour, and returning drenched with rain, and almost dead with exhaustion and fright. But even then she would give no account of what had happened.”

“I’ve never heard her, but they say she sometimes goes for walks, and once she scared everyone in the house by disappearing for an entire hour, returning soaked from the rain and nearly dead from exhaustion and fear. But even then, she wouldn’t explain what had happened.”

A scarce audible murmur from the yet motionless lips of the lady here startled her attendants. After several ineffectual attempts at articulation, the word “Cosmo!” burst from her. Then she lay still as before; but only for a moment. With a wild cry, she sprang from the couch erect on the floor, flung her arms above her head, with clasped and straining hands, and, her wide eyes flashing with light, called aloud, with a voice exultant as that of a spirit bursting from a sepulchre, “I am free! I am free! I thank thee!” Then she flung herself on the couch, and sobbed; then rose, and paced wildly up and down the room, with gestures of mingled delight and anxiety. Then turning to her motionless attendants—“Quick, Lisa, my cloak and hood!” Then lower—“I must go to him. Make haste, Lisa! You may come with me, if you will.”

A faint murmur from the lady’s still lips startled her attendants. After several unsuccessful tries to speak, the word “Cosmo!” finally came out. Then she lay still again, but only for a moment. With a wild cry, she jumped off the couch and stood up, throwing her arms above her head with clasped and straining hands. Her wide eyes sparkled with light as she exclaimed, with a voice as joyful as a spirit rising from a grave, “I am free! I am free! Thank you!” Then she threw herself onto the couch and sobbed, before getting up and pacing frantically around the room, with gestures of mixed joy and worry. Turning to her motionless attendants, she called out, “Quick, Lisa, my cloak and hood!” Then, more softly, she added, “I need to go to him. Hurry, Lisa! You can come with me if you want.”

In another moment they were in the street, hurrying along towards one of the bridges over the Moldau. The moon was near the zenith, and the streets were almost empty. The Princess soon outstripped her attendant, and was half-way over the bridge, before the other reached it.

In no time, they were in the street, rushing towards one of the bridges over the Moldau. The moon was high in the sky, and the streets were nearly deserted. The Princess quickly left her companion behind and was halfway across the bridge by the time the other person arrived.

“Are you free, lady? The mirror is broken: are you free?”

“Are you available, ma'am? The mirror is shattered: are you free?”

The words were spoken close beside her, as she hurried on. She turned; and there, leaning on the parapet in a recess of the bridge, stood Cosmo, in a splendid dress, but with a white and quivering face.

The words were spoken right next to her as she rushed by. She turned, and there was Cosmo, leaning on the railing in a nook of the bridge, dressed beautifully but with a pale, trembling face.

“Cosmo!—I am free—and thy servant for ever. I was coming to you now.”

“Cosmo!—I’m free—and I’ll be your servant forever. I was just on my way to you now.”

“And I to you, for Death made me bold; but I could get no further. Have I atoned at all? Do I love you a little—truly?”

“And I to you, because Death made me brave; but I couldn’t go any further. Have I made amends at all? Do I love you even a little—truly?”

“Ah, I know now that you love me, my Cosmo; but what do you say about death?”

“Ah, I see now that you love me, my Cosmo; but what do you think about death?”

He did not reply. His hand was pressed against his side. She looked more closely: the blood was welling from between the fingers. She flung her arms around him with a faint bitter wail.

He didn’t answer. His hand was pressed against his side. She looked closer: blood was oozing between his fingers. She wrapped her arms around him with a weak, sorrowful cry.

When Lisa came up, she found her mistress kneeling above a wan dead face, which smiled on in the spectral moonbeams.

When Lisa arrived, she found her mistress kneeling over a pale dead face, which smiled in the ghostly moonlight.


And now I will say no more about these wondrous volumes; though I could tell many a tale out of them, and could, perhaps, vaguely represent some entrancing thoughts of a deeper kind which I found within them. From many a sultry noon till twilight, did I sit in that grand hall, buried and risen again in these old books. And I trust I have carried away in my soul some of the exhalations of their undying leaves. In after hours of deserved or needful sorrow, portions of what I read there have often come to me again, with an unexpected comforting; which was not fruitless, even though the comfort might seem in itself groundless and vain.

And now I won’t say anything more about these amazing books; although I could share many stories from them and maybe even hint at some fascinating ideas I discovered inside. From many a hot afternoon until sunset, I sat in that grand hall, lost in these old books and then emerging from them again. I hope I’ve taken some of their lasting wisdom into my soul. In later hours filled with deserved or necessary sadness, parts of what I read have often returned to me unexpectedly, bringing comfort that, while it might have seemed unfounded and worthless, was still meaningful.

CHAPTER XIV

“Your gallery
Have we pass’d through, not without much content
In many singularities; but we saw not
That which my daughter came to look upon,
The state of her mother.”
          Winter’s Tale.

“Your gallery
We’ve gone through, not without a lot of enjoyment
In many unique things; but we didn't see
What my daughter came to look for,
Her mother’s condition.”
          Winter’s Tale.

It seemed to me strange, that all this time I had heard no music in the fairy palace. I was convinced there must be music in it, but that my sense was as yet too gross to receive the influence of those mysterious motions that beget sound. Sometimes I felt sure, from the way the few figures of which I got such transitory glimpses passed me, or glided into vacancy before me, that they were moving to the law of music; and, in fact, several times I fancied for a moment that I heard a few wondrous tones coming I knew not whence. But they did not last long enough to convince me that I had heard them with the bodily sense. Such as they were, however, they took strange liberties with me, causing me to burst suddenly into tears, of which there was no presence to make me ashamed, or casting me into a kind of trance of speechless delight, which, passing as suddenly, left me faint and longing for more.

It seemed strange to me that all this time I hadn’t heard any music in the fairy palace. I was sure there must be music, but that my senses were too dull to pick up on those mysterious movements that create sound. Sometimes I felt certain, from the way the few figures I glimpsed passed by or vanished before me, that they were moving to the rhythm of music; and, in fact, several times I thought I heard some incredible notes coming from I knew not where. But they didn’t last long enough for me to believe I actually heard them with my physical senses. Even so, they played tricks on me, making me suddenly burst into tears when there was no one around to feel embarrassed in front of, or sending me into a kind of trance of speechless joy, which, just as quickly, left me weak and craving more.

Now, on an evening, before I had been a week in the palace, I was wandering through one lighted arcade and corridor after another. At length I arrived, through a door that closed behind me, in another vast hall of the palace. It was filled with a subdued crimson light; by which I saw that slender pillars of black, built close to walls of white marble, rose to a great height, and then, dividing into innumerable divergent arches, supported a roof, like the walls, of white marble, upon which the arches intersected intricately, forming a fretting of black upon the white, like the network of a skeleton-leaf. The floor was black.

One evening, just a week after arriving at the palace, I found myself wandering through one illuminated arcade and corridor after another. Eventually, I walked through a door that closed behind me and entered another huge hall of the palace. It was bathed in a soft crimson light; from there, I noticed slender black pillars against the white marble walls, rising high and branching out into countless diverging arches that held up a white marble ceiling. The arches intertwined in a complex pattern, creating a design of black against the white, resembling the structure of a skeleton leaf. The floor was black.

Between several pairs of the pillars upon every side, the place of the wall behind was occupied by a crimson curtain of thick silk, hanging in heavy and rich folds. Behind each of these curtains burned a powerful light, and these were the sources of the glow that filled the hall. A peculiar delicious odour pervaded the place. As soon as I entered, the old inspiration seemed to return to me, for I felt a strong impulse to sing; or rather, it seemed as if some one else was singing a song in my soul, which wanted to come forth at my lips, imbodied in my breath. But I kept silence; and feeling somewhat overcome by the red light and the perfume, as well as by the emotion within me, and seeing at one end of the hall a great crimson chair, more like a throne than a chair, beside a table of white marble, I went to it, and, throwing myself in it, gave myself up to a succession of images of bewildering beauty, which passed before my inward eye, in a long and occasionally crowded train. Here I sat for hours, I suppose; till, returning somewhat to myself, I saw that the red light had paled away, and felt a cool gentle breath gliding over my forehead. I rose and left the hall with unsteady steps, finding my way with some difficulty to my own chamber, and faintly remembering, as I went, that only in the marble cave, before I found the sleeping statue, had I ever had a similar experience.

Between the several pairs of pillars on each side, the wall behind was draped with a thick, crimson silk curtain, hanging in heavy, luxurious folds. Behind each of these curtains, powerful lights burned, providing the glow that filled the hall. A peculiar, delightful scent filled the air. As soon as I entered, inspiration washed over me again; I felt a strong urge to sing, or rather, it felt like someone else was singing a song within me, wanting to burst forth through my lips, embodied in my breath. But I stayed silent, somewhat overwhelmed by the red light and the fragrance, as well as the emotions stirring inside me. I noticed a large crimson chair at one end of the hall, more like a throne than just a chair, next to a table of white marble. I went to it, sank into the chair, and surrendered myself to a stream of stunning images that flowed before my inner eye, in a long and sometimes crowded parade. I sat there for what felt like hours; eventually, as I became more aware, I noticed the red light had faded, and I felt a cool, gentle breeze brushing across my forehead. I stood up and left the hall with unsteady steps, struggling to find my way back to my room, faintly recalling that only in the marble cave, before I found the sleeping statue, had I ever experienced something similar.

After this, I repaired every morning to the same hall; where I sometimes sat in the chair and dreamed deliciously, and sometimes walked up and down over the black floor. Sometimes I acted within myself a whole drama, during one of these perambulations; sometimes walked deliberately through the whole epic of a tale; sometimes ventured to sing a song, though with a shrinking fear of I knew not what. I was astonished at the beauty of my own voice as it rang through the place, or rather crept undulating, like a serpent of sound, along the walls and roof of this superb music-hall. Entrancing verses arose within me as of their own accord, chanting themselves to their own melodies, and requiring no addition of music to satisfy the inward sense. But, ever in the pauses of these, when the singing mood was upon me, I seemed to hear something like the distant sound of multitudes of dancers, and felt as if it was the unheard music, moving their rhythmic motion, that within me blossomed in verse and song. I felt, too, that could I but see the dance, I should, from the harmony of complicated movements, not of the dancers in relation to each other merely, but of each dancer individually in the manifested plastic power that moved the consenting harmonious form, understand the whole of the music on the billows of which they floated and swung.

After this, I went to the same hall every morning; sometimes I sat in the chair and daydreamed, and other times I walked back and forth over the black floor. Occasionally, during these walks, I acted out a whole drama in my mind; other times, I carefully navigated through the entire epic of a story; and sometimes I dared to sing a song, even though I felt a nervous fear of who knows what. I was amazed at how beautiful my own voice sounded as it echoed through the space, or rather flowed like a serpent of sound along the walls and ceiling of this amazing music hall. Beautiful verses emerged within me spontaneously, singing themselves to their own melodies, needing no additional music to satisfy my inner sense. Yet, during the quiet moments of these instances, when the singing mood struck me, I thought I could hear something like the faint sound of crowds of dancers, and I sensed that it was the unheard music guiding their rhythmic movement that inspired the verses and songs within me. I also felt that if I could only see the dance, I would understand the entire music from the harmony of complex movements—not just how the dancers related to one another, but each dancer individually in the expressive power that shaped the beautiful, agreed-upon form.

At length, one night, suddenly, when this feeling of dancing came upon me, I bethought me of lifting one of the crimson curtains, and looking if, perchance, behind it there might not be hid some other mystery, which might at least remove a step further the bewilderment of the present one. Nor was I altogether disappointed. I walked to one of the magnificent draperies, lifted a corner, and peeped in. There, burned a great, crimson, globe-shaped light, high in the cubical centre of another hall, which might be larger or less than that in which I stood, for its dimensions were not easily perceived, seeing that floor and roof and walls were entirely of black marble.

Finally, one night, as the urge to dance washed over me, I thought about pulling back one of the crimson curtains to see if there might be another mystery hidden behind it that could help ease my confusion about the present situation. I wasn’t entirely disappointed. I walked over to one of the beautiful drapes, lifted a corner, and looked inside. There, a large, crimson, globe-shaped light burned brightly in the center of another hall, which could have been larger or smaller than the one I was in, as its size was hard to determine because the floor, ceiling, and walls were all made of black marble.

The roof was supported by the same arrangement of pillars radiating in arches, as that of the first hall; only, here, the pillars and arches were of dark red. But what absorbed my delighted gaze, was an innumerable assembly of white marble statues, of every form, and in multitudinous posture, filling the hall throughout. These stood, in the ruddy glow of the great lamp, upon pedestals of jet black. Around the lamp shone in golden letters, plainly legible from where I stood, the two words—

The roof was held up by the same setup of pillars arching outward, like in the first hall; but in this case, the pillars and arches were dark red. What caught my fascinated attention was the countless array of white marble statues, each in different shapes and various poses, filling the entire hall. They stood in the warm glow of the large lamp on pedestals of deep black. Around the lamp, golden letters shone brightly, clearly visible from where I was standing, spelling out two words—

TOUCH NOT!

Do not touch!

There was in all this, however, no solution to the sound of dancing; and now I was aware that the influence on my mind had ceased. I did not go in that evening, for I was weary and faint, but I hoarded up the expectation of entering, as of a great coming joy.

There was still no way to escape the sound of dancing; and now I realized that its effect on me had faded. I didn't go in that evening because I was tired and weak, but I held onto the hope of going in, like a promise of a great joy to come.

Next night I walked, as on the preceding, through the hall. My mind was filled with pictures and songs, and therewith so much absorbed, that I did not for some time think of looking within the curtain I had last night lifted. When the thought of doing so occurred to me first, I happened to be within a few yards of it. I became conscious, at the same moment, that the sound of dancing had been for some time in my ears. I approached the curtain quickly, and, lifting it, entered the black hall. Everything was still as death. I should have concluded that the sound must have proceeded from some other more distant quarter, which conclusion its faintness would, in ordinary circumstances, have necessitated from the first; but there was a something about the statues that caused me still to remain in doubt. As I said, each stood perfectly still upon its black pedestal: but there was about every one a certain air, not of motion, but as if it had just ceased from movement; as if the rest were not altogether of the marbly stillness of thousands of years. It was as if the peculiar atmosphere of each had yet a kind of invisible tremulousness; as if its agitated wavelets had not yet subsided into a perfect calm. I had the suspicion that they had anticipated my appearance, and had sprung, each, from the living joy of the dance, to the death-silence and blackness of its isolated pedestal, just before I entered. I walked across the central hall to the curtain opposite the one I had lifted, and, entering there, found all the appearances similar; only that the statues were different, and differently grouped. Neither did they produce on my mind that impression—of motion just expired, which I had experienced from the others. I found that behind every one of the crimson curtains was a similar hall, similarly lighted, and similarly occupied.

The next night, I walked through the hall just like the night before. My head was full of images and songs, so much so that I didn’t think about looking behind the curtain I had lifted the previous night for a while. When I finally thought about it, I was only a few yards away. At the same moment, I realized that the sound of dancing had been in my ears for a while. I hurried over to the curtain, lifted it, and stepped into the dark hall. Everything was utterly silent. I would have thought the sound was coming from some other distant place, as its faintness would normally suggest; however, there was something about the statues that kept me unsure. As I mentioned, each statue stood completely still on its black pedestal, but they all had an air about them—not of motion, but as if they had just stopped moving; it felt like they weren’t entirely part of the stillness that came with thousands of years. It was as if each of their unique atmospheres still had an invisible vibration; like the restless energy hadn’t fully settled into a perfect calm. I suspected they had anticipated my arrival and had each leaped from the joyful movement of the dance into the stillness and darkness of their solitary pedestals just before I walked in. I crossed the central hall to the opposite curtain and, upon entering, found everything looked the same; only the statues were different and grouped in different ways. They didn’t give me the feeling of just having stopped moving, unlike the others. Behind every crimson curtain was a comparable hall, similarly lit and similarly filled.

The next night, I did not allow my thoughts to be absorbed as before with inward images, but crept stealthily along to the furthest curtain in the hall, from behind which, likewise, I had formerly seemed to hear the sound of dancing. I drew aside its edge as suddenly as I could, and, looking in, saw that the utmost stillness pervaded the vast place. I walked in, and passed through it to the other end.

The next night, I didn’t let my mind wander with inward images like before; instead, I quietly made my way to the farthest curtain in the hall, from behind which I had once thought I heard the sound of dancing. I pulled it aside as quickly as I could, and when I looked in, I found the large space completely still. I stepped inside and walked through to the other end.

There I found that it communicated with a circular corridor, divided from it only by two rows of red columns. This corridor, which was black, with red niches holding statues, ran entirely about the statue-halls, forming a communication between the further ends of them all; further, that is, as regards the central hall of white whence they all diverged like radii, finding their circumference in the corridor.

There, I discovered that it connected to a circular hallway, separated only by two rows of red columns. This hallway, which was black and had red niches with statues, completely surrounded the statue halls, creating a pathway between their far ends; that is, in relation to the central hall of white from which they all branched out like spokes, meeting the boundary in the hallway.

Round this corridor I now went, entering all the halls, of which there were twelve, and finding them all similarly constructed, but filled with quite various statues, of what seemed both ancient and modern sculpture. After I had simply walked through them, I found myself sufficiently tired to long for rest, and went to my own room.

Round this hallway I now went, entering all the rooms, of which there were twelve, and finding them all similarly designed, but filled with different statues, showcasing both ancient and modern sculptures. After I had walked through them, I felt tired enough to crave some rest and went to my own room.

In the night I dreamed that, walking close by one of the curtains, I was suddenly seized with the desire to enter, and darted in. This time I was too quick for them. All the statues were in motion, statues no longer, but men and women—all shapes of beauty that ever sprang from the brain of the sculptor, mingled in the convolutions of a complicated dance. Passing through them to the further end, I almost started from my sleep on beholding, not taking part in the dance with the others, nor seemingly endued with life like them, but standing in marble coldness and rigidity upon a black pedestal in the extreme left corner—my lady of the cave; the marble beauty who sprang from her tomb or her cradle at the call of my songs. While I gazed in speechless astonishment and admiration, a dark shadow, descending from above like the curtain of a stage, gradually hid her entirely from my view. I felt with a shudder that this shadow was perchance my missing demon, whom I had not seen for days. I awoke with a stifled cry.

In my dream that night, as I walked near one of the curtains, I suddenly felt an urge to step inside and rushed in. This time, I was too fast for them. All the statues were moving, no longer just statues but men and women—every kind of beauty that could ever come from a sculptor's imagination, all mixed up in a complex dance. As I made my way through them to the far end, I nearly jumped awake when I saw, not participating in the dance like the others, nor appearing alive like them, but standing cold and rigid in marble on a black pedestal in the far left corner—my lady of the cave; the marble beauty who came to life at the call of my songs. As I stared in silent astonishment and admiration, a dark shadow, coming down like a theater curtain, gradually concealed her completely from my sight. I felt a chill as I realized this shadow might be my missing demon, whom I hadn’t seen in days. I woke up with a muffled scream.

Of course, the next evening I began my journey through the halls (for I knew not to which my dream had carried me), in the hope of proving the dream to be a true one, by discovering my marble beauty upon her black pedestal. At length, on reaching the tenth hall, I thought I recognised some of the forms I had seen dancing in my dream; and to my bewilderment, when I arrived at the extreme corner on the left, there stood, the only one I had yet seen, a vacant pedestal. It was exactly in the position occupied, in my dream, by the pedestal on which the white lady stood. Hope beat violently in my heart.

Of course, the next evening I started my journey through the halls (since I didn’t know which one my dream had taken me to), hoping to prove that the dream was real by finding my marble beauty on her black pedestal. Finally, when I reached the tenth hall, I thought I recognized some of the figures I had seen dancing in my dream; and to my surprise, when I got to the far left corner, there stood, as the only one I had seen so far, an empty pedestal. It was exactly where the pedestal was in my dream, where the white lady stood. Hope raced in my heart.

“Now,” said I to myself, “if yet another part of the dream would but come true, and I should succeed in surprising these forms in their nightly dance; it might be the rest would follow, and I should see on the pedestal my marble queen. Then surely if my songs sufficed to give her life before, when she lay in the bonds of alabaster, much more would they be sufficient then to give her volition and motion, when she alone of assembled crowds of marble forms, would be standing rigid and cold.”

“Now,” I said to myself, “if just one more part of the dream could come true, and I managed to catch these figures in their nightly dance; maybe the rest would follow, and I’d see my marble queen on the pedestal. If my songs were enough to bring her to life before, when she was trapped in alabaster, they would definitely be enough then to give her will and movement, when she alone of a crowd of marble figures would be standing there, stiff and cold.”

But the difficulty was, to surprise the dancers. I had found that a premeditated attempt at surprise, though executed with the utmost care and rapidity, was of no avail. And, in my dream, it was effected by a sudden thought suddenly executed. I saw, therefore, that there was no plan of operation offering any probability of success, but this: to allow my mind to be occupied with other thoughts, as I wandered around the great centre-hall; and so wait till the impulse to enter one of the others should happen to arise in me just at the moment when I was close to one of the crimson curtains. For I hoped that if I entered any one of the twelve halls at the right moment, that would as it were give me the right of entrance to all the others, seeing they all had communication behind. I would not diminish the hope of the right chance, by supposing it necessary that a desire to enter should awake within me, precisely when I was close to the curtains of the tenth hall.

But the challenge was to surprise the dancers. I realized that a planned attempt at surprise, no matter how carefully and quickly executed, wasn’t effective. And in my dream, it happened through a sudden idea that I acted on immediately. So, I saw that there was no strategy that offered any chance of success, except for this: to let my mind get distracted by other thoughts while I wandered around the large central hall; and wait for the moment when I felt the urge to enter one of the other rooms right as I stood near one of the red curtains. I hoped that if I entered any one of the twelve halls at just the right time, it would grant me access to all the others, since they were all connected in the back. I didn’t want to lessen the chance of the right opportunity by thinking I had to feel the desire to enter exactly when I was near the curtains of the tenth hall.

At first the impulses to see recurred so continually, in spite of the crowded imagery that kept passing through my mind, that they formed too nearly a continuous chain, for the hope that any one of them would succeed as a surprise. But as I persisted in banishing them, they recurred less and less often; and after two or three, at considerable intervals, had come when the spot where I happened to be was unsuitable, the hope strengthened, that soon one might arise just at the right moment; namely, when, in walking round the hall, I should be close to one of the curtains.

At first, the urges to see happened so frequently, despite the overwhelming images flooding my mind, that they seemed almost like a nonstop chain, making it unlikely that any of them would surprise me. However, as I kept trying to push them away, they started to occur less and less. After a couple of times, when I was in places that weren't ideal for it, my hope grew stronger that soon, I would have one at just the right moment, specifically when I was walking around the hall and close to one of the curtains.

At length the right moment and the impulse coincided. I darted into the ninth hall. It was full of the most exquisite moving forms. The whole space wavered and swam with the involutions of an intricate dance. It seemed to break suddenly as I entered, and all made one or two bounds towards their pedestals; but, apparently on finding that they were thoroughly overtaken, they returned to their employment (for it seemed with them earnest enough to be called such) without further heeding me. Somewhat impeded by the floating crowd, I made what haste I could towards the bottom of the hall; whence, entering the corridor, I turned towards the tenth. I soon arrived at the corner I wanted to reach, for the corridor was comparatively empty; but, although the dancers here, after a little confusion, altogether disregarded my presence, I was dismayed at beholding, even yet, a vacant pedestal. But I had a conviction that she was near me. And as I looked at the pedestal, I thought I saw upon it, vaguely revealed as if through overlapping folds of drapery, the indistinct outlines of white feet. Yet there was no sign of drapery or concealing shadow whatever. But I remembered the descending shadow in my dream. And I hoped still in the power of my songs; thinking that what could dispel alabaster, might likewise be capable of dispelling what concealed my beauty now, even if it were the demon whose darkness had overshadowed all my life.

At last, the right moment and the impulse aligned. I rushed into the ninth hall. It was filled with the most beautiful moving forms. The whole space shimmered and flowed with the twists of a complex dance. It seemed to break apart suddenly as I entered, and everyone took one or two leaps toward their pedestals; but, upon realizing they had been completely caught off guard, they returned to their activities (which seemed serious enough to be considered that) without paying me any more attention. A bit hindered by the swirling crowd, I hurried as best I could toward the end of the hall; then, entering the corridor, I headed toward the tenth. I quickly reached the corner I wanted since the corridor was relatively empty; however, even though the dancers here, after a moment of confusion, completely ignored my presence, I was disheartened to see, even still, an empty pedestal. But I was convinced that she was close. And as I stared at the pedestal, I thought I discerned, vaguely revealed as if through overlapping layers of fabric, the faint outlines of white feet. Yet there was no sign of fabric or hiding shadow at all. But I remembered the descending shadow from my dream. And I still hoped in the power of my songs, believing that what could dispel alabaster might also be able to uncover what was hiding my beauty now, even if it were the demon whose darkness had loomed over my entire life.

CHAPTER XV

Alexander. ‘When will you finish Campaspe?’
Apelles. ‘Never finish: for always in absolute beauty there is somewhat above art.’”
          LYLY’S Campaspe.

Alexander. ‘When are you going to finish Campaspe?’
Apelles. ‘Never: because absolute beauty always has something beyond art.’
LYLY’S Campaspe.

And now, what song should I sing to unveil my Isis, if indeed she was present unseen? I hurried away to the white hall of Phantasy, heedless of the innumerable forms of beauty that crowded my way: these might cross my eyes, but the unseen filled my brain. I wandered long, up and down the silent space: no songs came. My soul was not still enough for songs. Only in the silence and darkness of the soul’s night, do those stars of the inward firmament sink to its lower surface from the singing realms beyond, and shine upon the conscious spirit. Here all effort was unavailing. If they came not, they could not be found.

And now, what song should I sing to reveal my Isis, if she was really there but just invisible? I rushed off to the bright hall of Fantasy, ignoring the countless beautiful forms that filled my path: they might catch my eye, but the unseen occupied my mind. I wandered for a long time, back and forth in the quiet space: no songs came to me. My soul wasn’t calm enough for songs. Only in the silence and darkness of the soul’s night do those stars of the inner universe drop down from the singing realms above and shine on the aware spirit. Here, all my efforts were in vain. If they didn’t show up, they couldn’t be discovered.

Next night, it was just the same. I walked through the red glimmer of the silent hall; but lonely as there I walked, as lonely trod my soul up and down the halls of the brain. At last I entered one of the statue-halls. The dance had just commenced, and I was delighted to find that I was free of their assembly. I walked on till I came to the sacred corner. There I found the pedestal just as I had left it, with the faint glimmer as of white feet still resting on the dead black. As soon as I saw it, I seemed to feel a presence which longed to become visible; and, as it were, called to me to gift it with self-manifestation, that it might shine on me. The power of song came to me. But the moment my voice, though I sang low and soft, stirred the air of the hall, the dancers started; the quick interweaving crowd shook, lost its form, divided; each figure sprang to its pedestal, and stood, a self-evolving life no more, but a rigid, life-like, marble shape, with the whole form composed into the expression of a single state or act. Silence rolled like a spiritual thunder through the grand space. My song had ceased, scared at its own influences. But I saw in the hand of one of the statues close by me, a harp whose chords yet quivered. I remembered that as she bounded past me, her harp had brushed against my arm; so the spell of the marble had not infolded it. I sprang to her, and with a gesture of entreaty, laid my hand on the harp. The marble hand, probably from its contact with the uncharmed harp, had strength enough to relax its hold, and yield the harp to me. No other motion indicated life. Instinctively I struck the chords and sang. And not to break upon the record of my song, I mention here, that as I sang the first four lines, the loveliest feet became clear upon the black pedestal; and ever as I sang, it was as if a veil were being lifted up from before the form, but an invisible veil, so that the statue appeared to grow before me, not so much by evolution, as by infinitesimal degrees of added height. And, while I sang, I did not feel that I stood by a statue, as indeed it appeared to be, but that a real woman-soul was revealing itself by successive stages of imbodiment, and consequent manifestatlon and expression.

The next night was just the same. I walked through the red glow of the quiet hall; but even though I was alone there, my soul felt just as lonely, wandering through the halls of my mind. Finally, I entered one of the statue halls. The dance had just started, and I was happy to find that I was free from their gathering. I walked until I reached the sacred corner. There I found the pedestal exactly as I had left it, with a faint sparkle as of white feet still resting on the deep black. As soon as I saw it, I felt a presence that seemed eager to become visible; it almost called to me to give it the chance to shine for me. The urge to sing overcame me. But as soon as my voice, even though it was soft and quiet, stirred the air of the hall, the dancers reacted; the quick-moving crowd shook, lost its form, and separated; each figure leaped back to its pedestal, no longer alive but a rigid, lifelike marble shape, with its entire form frozen in the expression of a single state or action. Silence rolled through the grand space like a spiritual thunder. My song had stopped, frightened by its own impact. But I noticed in the hand of one of the statues close by me, a harp whose strings were still vibrating. I remembered that as she leaped past me, her harp had brushed against my arm; so the enchantment of the marble hadn’t completely taken over it. I rushed to her, and with a gesture of appeal, placed my hand on the harp. The marble hand, likely empowered by its contact with the uncharmed harp, was strong enough to loosen its grip and let the harp go to me. No other movement suggested life. Instinctively, I struck the strings and sang. To avoid interrupting the flow of my song, I note here that as I sang the first four lines, the most beautiful feet emerged clearly on the black pedestal; and as I continued to sing, it felt like an invisible veil was being lifted from before the form, so that the statue seemed to grow before me, not so much through evolution, but by tiny additions of height. And while I sang, I didn’t feel like I was standing next to a statue, as it appeared to be, but rather that a real woman-soul was revealing itself in successive stages of embodiment, expression, and manifestation.

Feet of beauty, firmly planting
    Arches white on rosy heel!
Whence the life-spring, throbbing, panting,
    Pulses upward to reveal!
Fairest things know least despising;
    Foot and earth meet tenderly:
‘Tis the woman, resting, rising
    Upward to sublimity,

Rise the limbs, sedately sloping,
    Strong and gentle, full and free;
Soft and slow, like certain hoping,
    Drawing nigh the broad firm knee.
Up to speech! As up to roses
    Pants the life from leaf to flower,
So each blending change discloses,
    Nearer still, expression’s power.

Lo! fair sweeps, white surges, twining
    Up and outward fearlessly!
Temple columns, close combining,
    Lift a holy mystery.
Heart of mine! what strange surprises
    Mount aloft on such a stair!
Some great vision upward rises,
    Curving, bending, floating fair.

Bands and sweeps, and hill and hollow
    Lead my fascinated eye;
Some apocalypse will follow,
    Some new world of deity.
Zoned unseen, and outward swelling,
    With new thoughts and wonders rife,
Queenly majesty foretelling,
    See the expanding house of life!

Sudden heaving, unforbidden
    Sighs eternal, still the same—
Mounts of snow have summits hidden
    In the mists of uttered flame.
But the spirit, dawning nearly
    Finds no speech for earnest pain;
Finds a soundless sighing merely—
    Builds its stairs, and mounts again.

Heart, the queen, with secret hoping,
    Sendeth out her waiting pair;
Hands, blind hands, half blindly groping,
    Half inclasping visions rare;
And the great arms, heartways bending;
    Might of Beauty, drawing home
There returning, and re-blending,
    Where from roots of love they roam.

Build thy slopes of radiance beamy
    Spirit, fair with womanhood!
Tower thy precipice, white-gleamy,
    Climb unto the hour of good.
Dumb space will be rent asunder,
    Now the shining column stands
Ready to be crowned with wonder
    By the builder’s joyous hands.

All the lines abroad are spreading,
    Like a fountain’s falling race.
Lo, the chin, first feature, treading,
    Airy foot to rest the face!
Speech is nigh; oh, see the blushing,
    Sweet approach of lip and breath!
Round the mouth dim silence, hushing,
    Waits to die ecstatic death.

Span across in treble curving,
    Bow of promise, upper lip!
Set them free, with gracious swerving;
    Let the wing-words float and dip.
Dumb art thou? O Love immortal,
    More than words thy speech must be;
Childless yet the tender portal
    Of the home of melody.

Now the nostrils open fearless,
    Proud in calm unconsciousness,
Sure it must be something peerless
    That the great Pan would express!
Deepens, crowds some meaning tender,
    In the pure, dear lady-face.
Lo, a blinding burst of splendour!—
    ’Tis the free soul’s issuing grace.

Two calm lakes of molten glory
    Circling round unfathomed deeps!
Lightning-flashes, transitory,
    Cross the gulfs where darkness sleeps.
This the gate, at last, of gladness,
    To the outward striving me:
In a rain of light and sadness,
    Out its loves and longings flee!

With a presence I am smitten
    Dumb, with a foreknown surprise;
Presence greater yet than written
    Even in the glorious eyes.
Through the gulfs, with inward gazes,
    I may look till I am lost;
Wandering deep in spirit-mazes,
    In a sea without a coast.

Windows open to the glorious!
    Time and space, oh, far beyond!
Woman, ah! thou art victorious,
    And I perish, overfond.
Springs aloft the yet Unspoken
    In the forehead’s endless grace,
Full of silences unbroken;
    Infinite, unfeatured face.

Domes above, the mount of wonder;
    Height and hollow wrapt in night;
Hiding in its caverns under
    Woman-nations in their might.
Passing forms, the highest Human
    Faints away to the Divine
Features none, of man or woman,
    Can unveil the holiest shine.

Sideways, grooved porches only
    Visible to passing eye,
Stand the silent, doorless, lonely
    Entrance-gates of melody.
But all sounds fly in as boldly,
    Groan and song, and kiss and cry
At their galleries, lifted coldly,
    Darkly, ‘twixt the earth and sky.

Beauty, thou art spent, thou knowest
    So, in faint, half-glad despair,
From the summit thou o’erflowest
    In a fall of torrent hair;
Hiding what thou hast created
    In a half-transparent shroud:
Thus, with glory soft-abated,
    Shines the moon through vapoury cloud.

Feet of beauty, firmly planted
    Arches white on rosy heel!
From the life force, pulsing, breathing,
    Rising up to reveal!
The loveliest things know little disdain;
    Foot and earth meet gently:
It’s the woman, resting, rising
    Upward to greatness,

Rising limbs, gracefully sloping,
    Strong and gentle, full and free;
Soft and slow, like certain dreaming,
    Drawing near the strong, steady knee.
Up to speech! As up to blossoms
    Pulses life from leaf to flower,
So each blending change reveals,
    Closer still, the power of expression.

Look! Fair sweeps, white waves, intertwining
    Up and outward without fear!
Temple columns, closely connected,
    Lift a sacred mystery.
My heart! What strange surprises
    Rise high on such a stair!
Some great vision upward rises,
    Curving, bending, floating beautifully.

Bands and curves, hill and hollow
    Lead my captivated gaze;
Some revelation will follow,
    Some new realm of divinity.
Zoned unseen, and expanding outward,
    With fresh thoughts and wonders alive,
Queenly majesty foretelling,
    See the increasing house of life!

Sudden rising, unbidden
    Sighs eternal, always the same—
Snowy peaks have hidden summits
    In the mists of voiced flame.
But the spirit, just awakening
    Finds no words for deep pain;
Only a silent sighing—
    Builds its stairs, and climbs again.

Heart, the queen, with secret longing,
    Sends out her waiting pair;
Hands, blind hands, half blindly groping,
    Half embracing visions rare;
And the great arms, heartways bending;
    Might of Beauty, drawing back home
There returning, and re-blending,
    Where from roots of love they roam.

Build your slopes of radiant beams,
    Spirit, beautiful with womanhood!
Tower your cliffs, white and gleaming,
    Climb to the hour of good.
Silent space will be torn apart,
    Now the shining column stands
Ready to be crowned with wonder
    By the builder’s joyful hands.

All the lines spread out wide,
    Like a fountain’s falling spray.
Look, the chin, first feature, stepping,
    Airy foot to rest the face!
Speech is near; oh, see the blush,
    Sweet approach of lip and breath!
Around the mouth, quiet silence, hushing,
    Waits to experience ecstatic death.

Span across in gentle curves,
    Bow of promise, upper lip!
Set them free, with graceful swaying;
    Let the words float and dip.
Are you silent? O Love immortal,
    More than words your speech must be;
Childless yet the gentle opening
    Of the home of melody.

Now the nostrils open boldly,
    Proud in calm unawareness,
Surely there’s something unmatched
    That the great Pan would express!
Deepens, crowds some tender meaning,
    In the pure, beloved lady’s face.
Look, a blinding burst of brightness!—
    It’s the free soul’s gracious release.

Two calm lakes of molten glory
    Circling round unfathomed depths!
Lightning flashes, momentary,
    Cross the chasms where darkness sleeps.
This is the gate, at last, of joy,
    To the outward striving me:
In a rain of light and sadness,
    Out its loves and longings rush!

With a presence I am struck
    Silent, with a foreseen surprise;
A presence greater than written
    Even in the glorious eyes.
Through the voids, with inward gazes,
    I may look until I’m lost;
Wandering deep in spirit’s mazes,
    In a sea without a shore.

Windows open to the glorious!
    Time and space, oh, far beyond!
Woman, ah! you are victorious,
    And I perish, overly fond.
Springs aloft the yet Unspoken
    In the forehead’s endless grace,
Full of unbroken silences;
    Infinite, unfeatured face.

Domes above, the mountain of wonder;
    Height and hollow wrapped in night;
Hiding in its caverns below
    Woman-nations in their might.
Passing forms, the highest Human
    Faints away to the Divine
No features, of man or woman,
    Can unveil the holiest shine.

Sideways, grooved porches only
    Visible to passing glance,
Stand the silent, doorless, lonely
    Entrance-gates of melody.
But all sounds rush in as boldly,
    Groan and song, and kiss and cry
At their galleries, loftily lifted,
    Darkly, between earth and sky.

Beauty, you are worn out, you know
    So, in faint, half-happy despair,
From the summit you overflow
    In a cascade of torrent hair;
Hiding what you have created
    In a half-transparent shroud:
Thus, with glory slightly faded,
    Shines the moon through vaporous cloud.

CHAPTER XVI

“Ev’n the Styx, which ninefold her infoldeth
    Hems not Ceres’ daughter in its flow;
But she grasps the apple—ever holdeth
    Her, sad Orcus, down below.”
          SCHILLER, Das Ideal und das Leben.

“Even the Styx, which wraps around her nine times, Doesn’t keep Ceres’ daughter from its current; But she holds the apple—always keeps Her, sad Orcus, down below.” SCHILLER, Das Ideal und das Leben.

Ever as I sang, the veil was uplifted; ever as I sang, the signs of life grew; till, when the eyes dawned upon me, it was with that sunrise of splendour which my feeble song attempted to re-imbody.

As I sang, the veil was lifted; as I sang, the signs of life increased; until, when the eyes opened to me, it was with that stunning sunrise that my weak song tried to capture.

The wonder is, that I was not altogether overcome, but was able to complete my song as the unseen veil continued to rise. This ability came solely from the state of mental elevation in which I found myself. Only because uplifted in song, was I able to endure the blaze of the dawn. But I cannot tell whether she looked more of statue or more of woman; she seemed removed into that region of phantasy where all is intensely vivid, but nothing clearly defined. At last, as I sang of her descending hair, the glow of soul faded away, like a dying sunset. A lamp within had been extinguished, and the house of life shone blank in a winter morn. She was a statue once more—but visible, and that was much gained. Yet the revulsion from hope and fruition was such, that, unable to restrain myself, I sprang to her, and, in defiance of the law of the place, flung my arms around her, as if I would tear her from the grasp of a visible Death, and lifted her from the pedestal down to my heart. But no sooner had her feet ceased to be in contact with the black pedestal, than she shuddered and trembled all over; then, writhing from my arms, before I could tighten their hold, she sprang into the corridor, with the reproachful cry, “You should not have touched me!” darted behind one of the exterior pillars of the circle, and disappeared. I followed almost as fast; but ere I could reach the pillar, the sound of a closing door, the saddest of all sounds sometimes, fell on my ear; and, arriving at the spot where she had vanished, I saw, lighted by a pale yellow lamp which hung above it, a heavy, rough door, altogether unlike any others I had seen in the palace; for they were all of ebony, or ivory, or covered with silver-plates, or of some odorous wood, and very ornate; whereas this seemed of old oak, with heavy nails and iron studs. Notwithstanding the precipitation of my pursuit, I could not help reading, in silver letters beneath the lamp: “No one enters here without the leave of the Queen.” But what was the Queen to me, when I followed my white lady? I dashed the door to the wall and sprang through. Lo! I stood on a waste windy hill. Great stones like tombstones stood all about me. No door, no palace was to be seen. A white figure gleamed past me, wringing her hands, and crying, “Ah! you should have sung to me; you should have sung to me!” and disappeared behind one of the stones. I followed. A cold gust of wind met me from behind the stone; and when I looked, I saw nothing but a great hole in the earth, into which I could find no way of entering. Had she fallen in? I could not tell. I must wait for the daylight. I sat down and wept, for there was no help.

The amazing thing is that I wasn't completely overwhelmed; I managed to finish my song as the unseen curtain kept rising. I owe this ability to the heightened state of mind I found myself in. It was only because I was uplifted by song that I could bear the brightness of dawn. But I can't say whether she looked more like a statue or more like a woman; she seemed to exist in that realm of fantasy where everything is incredibly vivid, but nothing is clearly defined. Finally, as I sang about her flowing hair, my spirit dimmed, like a fading sunset. A light inside me had gone out, and life felt empty on a winter morning. She had become a statue again—but a visible one, which was a significant improvement. Yet the disappointment of hope and reality was so overwhelming that I couldn't help myself; I rushed to her and, defying the rules of the place, threw my arms around her, as if to pull her away from the grip of a visible Death, and brought her down from the pedestal to my heart. But as soon as her feet were no longer touching the dark pedestal, she shuddered and trembled all over; then, writhing from my arms before I could hold her tighter, she dashed into the corridor, crying out reproachfully, “You shouldn’t have touched me!” She raced behind one of the external pillars of the circle and vanished. I followed almost immediately, but before I could reach the pillar, the sound of a closing door—the saddest sound sometimes—reached my ears; and when I arrived at the spot where she had disappeared, I saw, illuminated by a pale yellow lamp hanging above it, a heavy, rough door that was completely different from any others I had seen in the palace. The other doors were made of ebony, ivory, decorated with silver plates, or crafted from fragrant woods and were very ornate; this one looked like it was made of old oak, with heavy nails and iron studs. Despite my urgency, I couldn’t help but read in silver letters beneath the lamp: “No one enters here without the leave of the Queen.” But what did the Queen matter to me when I was pursuing my white lady? I slammed the door against the wall and burst through. Suddenly, I found myself on a desolate, windy hill. Large stones stood around me like tombstones. There was no door, no palace in sight. A white figure rushed past me, wringing her hands and crying, “Ah! You should have sung to me; you should have sung to me!” before disappearing behind one of the stones. I followed. A cold gust of wind hit me from behind the stone, and when I looked, I saw nothing but a large hole in the ground, with no way for me to enter. Had she fallen in? I couldn't tell. I had to wait for daylight. I sat down and wept, for there was no help.

CHAPTER XVII

“First, I thought, almost despairing,
    This must crush my spirit now;
Yet I bore it, and am bearing—
    Only do not ask me how.”
          HEINE.

“First, I thought, almost in despair,
    This must break my spirit now;
Yet I endured it, and I'm still enduring—
    Just don’t ask me how.”
          HEINE.

When the daylight came, it brought the possibility of action, but with it little of consolation. With the first visible increase of light, I gazed into the chasm, but could not, for more than an hour, see sufficiently well to discover its nature. At last I saw it was almost a perpendicular opening, like a roughly excavated well, only very large. I could perceive no bottom; and it was not till the sun actually rose, that I discovered a sort of natural staircase, in many parts little more than suggested, which led round and round the gulf, descending spirally into its abyss. I saw at once that this was my path; and without a moment’s hesitation, glad to quit the sunlight, which stared at me most heartlessly, I commenced my tortuous descent. It was very difficult. In some parts I had to cling to the rocks like a bat. In one place, I dropped from the track down upon the next returning spire of the stair; which being broad in this particular portion, and standing out from the wall at right angles, received me upon my feet safe, though somewhat stupefied by the shock. After descending a great way, I found the stair ended at a narrow opening which entered the rock horizontally. Into this I crept, and, having entered, had just room to turn round. I put my head out into the shaft by which I had come down, and surveyed the course of my descent. Looking up, I saw the stars; although the sun must by this time have been high in the heavens. Looking below, I saw that the sides of the shaft went sheer down, smooth as glass; and far beneath me, I saw the reflection of the same stars I had seen in the heavens when I looked up. I turned again, and crept inwards some distance, when the passage widened, and I was at length able to stand and walk upright. Wider and loftier grew the way; new paths branched off on every side; great open halls appeared; till at last I found myself wandering on through an underground country, in which the sky was of rock, and instead of trees and flowers, there were only fantastic rocks and stones. And ever as I went, darker grew my thoughts, till at last I had no hope whatever of finding the white lady: I no longer called her to myself my white lady. Whenever a choice was necessary, I always chose the path which seemed to lead downwards.

When daylight broke, it brought the chance for action, but not much comfort. With the first increase in light, I stared into the hole, but for over an hour, I couldn’t see well enough to figure out what it was. Finally, I realized it was almost a vertical opening, like a giant well that had been roughly dug out. I couldn’t see a bottom; it wasn’t until the sun fully rose that I noticed a sort of natural staircase that spiraled down into its depths. I immediately knew this was my way down; without hesitating, eager to escape the bright sunlight that felt so harsh, I started my winding descent. It was really challenging. In some spots, I had to cling to the rocks like a bat. At one point, I fell from the path onto the next ledge of the staircase, which was wide enough here and protruded from the wall, so I landed safely on my feet, though a bit dazed from the impact. After going down quite a way, I found the staircase ending at a narrow opening that led into the rock horizontally. I crawled in and, once inside, barely had enough room to turn around. I poked my head out into the shaft I had just descended and looked back at the path I took. When I looked up, I saw the stars, even though the sun must have been high in the sky by then. Looking down, I saw that the walls of the shaft dropped straight down, smooth as glass; far below, I could see the reflection of those same stars I had seen in the sky above. I turned again and crawled in further until the passage widened enough for me to stand and walk upright. The path became wider and taller; new paths branched off in every direction, and large open spaces emerged, until I eventually found myself wandering through an underground world where the sky was made of rock, and instead of trees and flowers, there were only bizarre rocks and stones. As I continued, my thoughts grew darker until I completely lost hope of finding the white lady; I no longer called her my white lady. Whenever I had to make a choice, I always took the path that seemed to lead downward.

At length I began to find that these regions were inhabited. From behind a rock a peal of harsh grating laughter, full of evil humour, rang through my ears, and, looking round, I saw a queer, goblin creature, with a great head and ridiculous features, just such as those described, in German histories and travels, as Kobolds. “What do you want with me?” I said. He pointed at me with a long forefinger, very thick at the root, and sharpened to a point, and answered, “He! he! he! what do you want here?” Then, changing his tone, he continued, with mock humility—“Honoured sir, vouchsafe to withdraw from thy slaves the lustre of thy august presence, for thy slaves cannot support its brightness.” A second appeared, and struck in: “You are so big, you keep the sun from us. We can’t see for you, and we’re so cold.” Thereupon arose, on all sides, the most terrific uproar of laughter, from voices like those of children in volume, but scrannel and harsh as those of decrepit age, though, unfortunately, without its weakness. The whole pandemonium of fairy devils, of all varieties of fantastic ugliness, both in form and feature, and of all sizes from one to four feet, seemed to have suddenly assembled about me. At length, after a great babble of talk among themselves, in a language unknown to me, and after seemingly endless gesticulation, consultation, elbow-nudging, and unmitigated peals of laughter, they formed into a circle about one of their number, who scrambled upon a stone, and, much to my surprise, and somewhat to my dismay, began to sing, in a voice corresponding in its nature to his talking one, from beginning to end, the song with which I had brought the light into the eyes of the white lady. He sang the same air too; and, all the time, maintained a face of mock entreaty and worship; accompanying the song with the travestied gestures of one playing on the lute. The whole assembly kept silence, except at the close of every verse, when they roared, and danced, and shouted with laughter, and flung themselves on the ground, in real or pretended convulsions of delight. When he had finished, the singer threw himself from the top of the stone, turning heels over head several times in his descent; and when he did alight, it was on the top of his head, on which he hopped about, making the most grotesque gesticulations with his legs in the air. Inexpressible laughter followed, which broke up in a shower of tiny stones from innumerable hands. They could not materially injure me, although they cut me on the head and face. I attempted to run away, but they all rushed upon me, and, laying hold of every part that afforded a grasp, held me tight. Crowding about me like bees, they shouted an insect-swarm of exasperating speeches up into my face, among which the most frequently recurring were—“You shan’t have her; you shan’t have her; he! he! he! She’s for a better man; how he’ll kiss her! how he’ll kiss her!”

Eventually, I started to realize that these areas were populated. From behind a rock, I heard a loud, grating laugh filled with wicked amusement, and when I looked over, I saw a strange, goblin-like creature with a big head and comical features, just like those described in German stories as Kobolds. “What do you want with me?” I asked. He pointed at me with a long finger, thick at the base and sharp at the tip, and replied, “He! he! he! What do you want here?” Then, shifting his tone, he continued with exaggerated humility, “Honored sir, please remove the brightness of your esteemed presence from your slaves, for they cannot handle its glare.” A second one showed up and added, “You’re so big, you block the sun from us. We can’t see because of you, and we’re freezing.” Suddenly, a deafening uproar of laughter erupted from all sides, with voices as loud as children’s yet harsh and grating like those of old age, though sadly lacking the frailty that comes with it. It felt like an entire riot of fairy demons, all sorts of bizarre ugliness in different shapes and sizes, gathering around me. After a lot of chattering among themselves in a language I didn’t understand, along with endless gesturing, nudging, and uncontrollable bursts of laughter, they formed a circle around one of their group who climbed onto a rock. To my surprise and slight alarm, he started singing, in a voice that matched his speaking voice, the song with which I had previously brought light into the eyes of the white lady. He sang the same tune and constantly wore a face of mock pleading and admiration, mimicking someone playing the lute. The whole crowd remained quiet, except at the end of each verse when they erupted into laughter, danced, and shouted, throwing themselves on the ground in genuine or feigned fits of joy. Once he finished, the singer jumped off the stone, flipping over several times as he fell; when he landed, he did so on his head, hopping around and making the most ridiculous gestures with his legs in the air. Their uncontrollable laughter followed, breaking into a shower of tiny stones thrown from countless hands. They couldn’t seriously hurt me, though some cuts on my head and face stung a bit. I tried to run away, but they all charged at me, grabbing every part of me they could and holding me tight. Swarming around me like bees, they shouted an annoying mix of remarks in my face, among which the most common were, “You can’t have her; you can’t have her; he! he! he! She’s for someone better; just wait till he kisses her! Just wait till he kisses her!”

The galvanic torrent of this battery of malevolence stung to life within me a spark of nobleness, and I said aloud, “Well, if he is a better man, let him have her.”

The overwhelming force of this wave of hatred ignited a sense of nobility within me, and I said aloud, “Well, if he’s a better man, let him have her.”

They instantly let go their hold of me, and fell back a step or two, with a whole broadside of grunts and humphs, as of unexpected and disappointed approbation. I made a step or two forward, and a lane was instantly opened for me through the midst of the grinning little antics, who bowed most politely to me on every side as I passed. After I had gone a few yards, I looked back, and saw them all standing quite still, looking after me, like a great school of boys; till suddenly one turned round, and with a loud whoop, rushed into the midst of the others. In an instant, the whole was one writhing and tumbling heap of contortion, reminding me of the live pyramids of intertwined snakes of which travellers make report. As soon as one was worked out of the mass, he bounded off a few paces, and then, with a somersault and a run, threw himself gyrating into the air, and descended with all his weight on the summit of the heaving and struggling chaos of fantastic figures. I left them still busy at this fierce and apparently aimless amusement. And as I went, I sang—

They immediately let go of me and took a step or two back, making a whole bunch of grunts and humphs that sounded like surprise and disappointment. I took a couple of steps forward, and a path was quickly cleared for me through the giggling little ones, who bowed politely to me as I passed. After I had walked a few yards, I looked back and saw them all standing still, watching me like a big group of boys; then suddenly one of them turned around, let out a loud whoop, and dove back into the crowd. In an instant, they all became a twisting and tumbling pile of energy, reminding me of those live pyramids of intertwined snakes that travelers often talk about. As soon as one kid wriggled out of the mass, he leaped a few paces away, then with a somersault and a dash, launched himself spinning into the air, landing with all his weight on top of the writhing and struggling bunch of wild figures. I left them still caught up in this fierce and seemingly pointless fun. And as I walked away, I sang—

If a nobler waits for thee,
    I will weep aside;
It is well that thou should’st be,
    Of the nobler, bride.

For if love builds up the home,
    Where the heart is free,
Homeless yet the heart must roam,
    That has not found thee.

One must suffer: I, for her
    Yield in her my part
Take her, thou art worthier—
    Still I be still, my heart!

Gift ungotten! largess high
    Of a frustrate will!
But to yield it lovingly
    Is a something still.

If someone better is waiting for you,
    I’ll cry quietly;
It’s good that you should be,
    The bride of someone better.

Because if love creates a home,
    Where the heart is free,
The heart must wander without a home,
    That hasn’t found you.

One must suffer: I, for her
    Give up my share
Take her, you are more deserving—
    Yet I stay quiet, my heart!

Unreceived gift! High generosity
    Of a frustrated will!
But to give it up lovingly
    Is still something.

Then a little song arose of itself in my soul; and I felt for the moment, while it sank sadly within me, as if I was once more walking up and down the white hall of Phantasy in the Fairy Palace. But this lasted no longer than the song; as will be seen.

Then a little song began to play in my soul, and for a moment, as it faded sadly within me, I felt like I was walking up and down the white hall of Fantasy in the Fairy Palace again. But that feeling didn't last any longer than the song itself, as you'll see.

Do not vex thy violet
    Perfume to afford:
Else no odour thou wilt get
    From its little hoard.

In thy lady’s gracious eyes
    Look not thou too long;
Else from them the glory flies,
    And thou dost her wrong.

Come not thou too near the maid,
    Clasp her not too wild;
Else the splendour is allayed,
    And thy heart beguiled.

Do not annoy your violet
To provide its scent:
Otherwise, you won’t get
Anything from its little stash.

Don’t look too long into your lady’s kind eyes
Or the beauty will fade,
And then you’ll do her a disservice.

Don’t come too close to the girl,
Don’t hold her too tightly;
Or the magic will fade,
And you’ll be deceived.

A crash of laughter, more discordant and deriding than any I had yet heard, invaded my ears. Looking on in the direction of the sound, I saw a little elderly woman, much taller, however, than the goblins I had just left, seated upon a stone by the side of the path. She rose, as I drew near, and came forward to meet me.

A loud burst of laughter, more mocking and harsh than anything I had heard before, filled my ears. Turning towards the sound, I saw a small elderly woman, significantly taller than the goblins I had just encountered, sitting on a stone beside the path. As I approached, she stood up and walked towards me.

She was very plain and commonplace in appearance, without being hideously ugly. Looking up in my face with a stupid sneer, she said: “Isn’t it a pity you haven’t a pretty girl to walk all alone with you through this sweet country? How different everything would look? wouldn’t it? Strange that one can never have what one would like best! How the roses would bloom and all that, even in this infernal hole! wouldn’t they, Anodos? Her eyes would light up the old cave, wouldn’t they?”

She was very plain and ordinary in appearance, without being unattractively ugly. Looking up at me with a stupid sneer, she said: “Isn’t it a shame you don’t have a pretty girl to walk with you through this beautiful country? Everything would look so different, right? Isn’t it strange that you can never have what you want the most? Imagine how the roses would bloom and all that, even in this awful place! Right, Anodos? Her eyes would light up the old cave, wouldn't they?”

“That depends on who the pretty girl should be,” replied I.

"That depends on who the pretty girl is," I replied.

“Not so very much matter that,” she answered; “look here.”

“It's not a big deal,” she replied; “check this out.”

I had turned to go away as I gave my reply, but now I stopped and looked at her. As a rough unsightly bud might suddenly blossom into the most lovely flower; or rather, as a sunbeam bursts through a shapeless cloud, and transfigures the earth; so burst a face of resplendent beauty, as it were through the unsightly visage of the woman, destroying it with light as it dawned through it. A summer sky rose above me, gray with heat; across a shining slumberous landscape, looked from afar the peaks of snow-capped mountains; and down from a great rock beside me fell a sheet of water mad with its own delight.

I had turned to walk away after replying, but then I stopped and looked at her. Just like a rough, unattractive bud can suddenly turn into a beautiful flower; or like a sunbeam breaking through a shapeless cloud and transforming the earth; a stunningly beautiful face emerged, as if it was breaking through the unappealing facade of the woman, illuminating it with light as it appeared. A summer sky loomed overhead, hazy with heat; the peaks of snow-capped mountains could be seen in the distance over a serene, shining landscape; and from a large rock beside me, a waterfall cascaded down, wild with its own joy.

“Stay with me,” she said, lifting up her exquisite face, and looking full in mine.

“Stay with me,” she said, raising her beautiful face and looking directly into my eyes.

I drew back. Again the infernal laugh grated upon my ears; again the rocks closed in around me, and the ugly woman looked at me with wicked, mocking hazel eyes.

I pulled back. Again, the awful laugh grated on my ears; once more, the rocks surrounded me, and the ugly woman stared at me with her wicked, mocking hazel eyes.

“You shall have your reward,” said she. “You shall see your white lady again.”

"You will get your reward," she said. "You will see your white lady again."

“That lies not with you,” I replied, and turned and left her.

"That's not your decision," I said, then turned and walked away from her.

She followed me with shriek upon shriek of laughter, as I went on my way.

She followed me, bursting into laughter with every step I took.

I may mention here, that although there was always light enough to see my path and a few yards on every side of me, I never could find out the source of this sad sepulchral illumination.

I should mention that even though there was always enough light to see my path and a few yards around me, I could never figure out where this eerie, tomb-like glow was coming from.

CHAPTER XVIII

“In the wind’s uproar, the sea’s raging grim,
And the sighs that are born in him.”
          HEINE.

“In the wind’s uproar, the sea’s raging grim,
And the sighs that are born in him.”
          HEINE.

“From dreams of bliss shall men awake
One day, but not to weep:
The dreams remain; they only break
The mirror of the sleep.”
          JEAN PAUL, Hesperus.

“From dreams of happiness, people will wake one day, but not to cry: the dreams stay; they just shatter the mirror of sleep.” JEAN PAUL, Hesperus.

How I got through this dreary part of my travels, I do not know. I do not think I was upheld by the hope that any moment the light might break in upon me; for I scarcely thought about that. I went on with a dull endurance, varied by moments of uncontrollable sadness; for more and more the conviction grew upon me that I should never see the white lady again. It may seem strange that one with whom I had held so little communion should have so engrossed my thoughts; but benefits conferred awaken love in some minds, as surely as benefits received in others. Besides being delighted and proud that my songs had called the beautiful creature to life, the same fact caused me to feel a tenderness unspeakable for her, accompanied with a kind of feeling of property in her; for so the goblin Selfishness would reward the angel Love. When to all this is added, an overpowering sense of her beauty, and an unquestioning conviction that this was a true index to inward loveliness, it may be understood how it came to pass that my imagination filled my whole soul with the play of its own multitudinous colours and harmonies around the form which yet stood, a gracious marble radiance, in the midst of its white hall of phantasy. The time passed by unheeded; for my thoughts were busy. Perhaps this was also in part the cause of my needing no food, and never thinking how I should find any, during this subterraneous part of my travels. How long they endured I could not tell, for I had no means of measuring time; and when I looked back, there was such a discrepancy between the decisions of my imagination and my judgment, as to the length of time that had passed, that I was bewildered, and gave up all attempts to arrive at any conclusion on the point.

How I got through this gloomy part of my journey, I really don't know. I doubt I was motivated by the hope that the light might suddenly shine on me; I hardly thought about that. I continued on with a dull endurance, interrupted by moments of uncontrollable sadness, as the realization grew in me that I would never see the white lady again. It might seem odd that someone I had hardly interacted with occupied my thoughts so completely; but for some people, helping others fosters affection just as much as receiving help can for others. Besides feeling delighted and proud that my songs had brought the beautiful being to life, it also made me feel an indescribable tenderness for her, along with a sense of ownership over her; that's how selfishness rewards love. When you add to that the overwhelming sense of her beauty and a strong belief that it reflected true inner beauty, it’s easy to understand how my imagination filled my soul with its own vibrant colors and harmonies surrounding the figure that still stood, a radiant marble presence, in the middle of its white hall of fantasy. Time passed me by unnoticed because my thoughts were occupied. Perhaps that’s partly why I didn’t need food and never thought about how I would find any during this underground section of my travels. I couldn’t say how long it lasted, as I had no way to measure time; and when I looked back, there was such a difference between what my imagination and my judgment concluded about the duration that I was confused and stopped trying to figure it out.

A gray mist continually gathered behind me. When I looked back towards the past, this mist was the medium through which my eyes had to strain for a vision of what had gone by; and the form of the white lady had receded into an unknown region. At length the country of rock began to close again around me, gradually and slowly narrowing, till I found myself walking in a gallery of rock once more, both sides of which I could touch with my outstretched hands. It narrowed yet, until I was forced to move carefully, in order to avoid striking against the projecting pieces of rock. The roof sank lower and lower, until I was compelled, first to stoop, and then to creep on my hands and knees. It recalled terrible dreams of childhood; but I was not much afraid, because I felt sure that this was my path, and my only hope of leaving Fairy Land, of which I was now almost weary.

A gray mist kept gathering behind me. When I looked back at the past, this mist was what my eyes had to struggle through to catch a glimpse of what had happened; and the figure of the white lady had faded into an unknown place. Eventually, the rocky landscape started to close in around me again, slowly and steadily narrowing until I found myself walking in a rock tunnel once more, with both sides that I could touch with my outstretched hands. It continued to narrow until I had to move carefully to avoid hitting the jutting pieces of rock. The ceiling kept getting lower and lower, forcing me to first stoop, and then crawl on my hands and knees. It reminded me of scary childhood dreams; but I wasn’t too afraid, because I knew this was my path, and my only hope of leaving Fairy Land, which I was now almost tired of.

At length, on getting past an abrupt turn in the passage, through which I had to force myself, I saw, a few yards ahead of me, the long-forgotten daylight shining through a small opening, to which the path, if path it could now be called, led me. With great difficulty I accomplished these last few yards, and came forth to the day. I stood on the shore of a wintry sea, with a wintry sun just a few feet above its horizon-edge. It was bare, and waste, and gray. Hundreds of hopeless waves rushed constantly shorewards, falling exhausted upon a beach of great loose stones, that seemed to stretch miles and miles in both directions. There was nothing for the eye but mingling shades of gray; nothing for the ear but the rush of the coming, the roar of the breaking, and the moan of the retreating wave. No rock lifted up a sheltering severity above the dreariness around; even that from which I had myself emerged rose scarcely a foot above the opening by which I had reached the dismal day, more dismal even than the tomb I had left. A cold, death-like wind swept across the shore, seeming to issue from a pale mouth of cloud upon the horizon. Sign of life was nowhere visible. I wandered over the stones, up and down the beach, a human imbodiment of the nature around me. The wind increased; its keen waves flowed through my soul; the foam rushed higher up the stones; a few dead stars began to gleam in the east; the sound of the waves grew louder and yet more despairing. A dark curtain of cloud was lifted up, and a pale blue rent shone between its foot and the edge of the sea, out from which rushed an icy storm of frozen wind, that tore the waters into spray as it passed, and flung the billows in raving heaps upon the desolate shore. I could bear it no longer.

Eventually, after pushing my way past a sudden turn in the passage, I saw, just a few yards ahead, the long-forgotten daylight streaming through a small opening that the path—if it could even be called that—led to. I struggled to cover those last few yards and finally emerged into the daylight. I stood on the shore of a wintery sea, with a pale sun barely above the horizon. It was desolate, barren, and gray. Hundreds of hopeless waves surged relentlessly towards the shore, collapsing exhausted onto a beach of loose stones that seemed to stretch for miles in either direction. There was nothing to see but shifting shades of gray; nothing to hear but the rush of the incoming waves, the crash of the breaking ones, and the moan of the retreating tide. No rock offered shelter against the dreariness; even the one I had emerged from barely rose above the opening that had led me to this gloomy day, gloomier even than the tomb I had left. A cold, lifeless wind swept across the shore, seeming to emerge from a pale patch of cloud on the horizon. There was no sign of life anywhere. I wandered over the stones, up and down the beach, a human reflection of the barren landscape around me. The wind picked up; its sharp gusts pierced my soul; the foam surged higher onto the stones; a few dead stars started to twinkle in the east; the sound of the waves grew louder and increasingly despairing. A dark curtain of clouds lifted, revealing a pale blue gap between them and the sea, from which rushed an icy storm of freezing wind that whipped the waters into spray and hurled the waves in wild heaps onto the desolate shore. I couldn’t take it any longer.

“I will not be tortured to death,” I cried; “I will meet it half-way. The life within me is yet enough to bear me up to the face of Death, and then I die unconquered.”

“I won’t let myself be tortured to death,” I shouted; “I’ll confront it head-on. The life inside me is still strong enough to carry me to Death's face, and then I’ll die unyielding.”

Before it had grown so dark, I had observed, though without any particular interest, that on one part of the shore a low platform of rock seemed to run out far into the midst of the breaking waters.

Before it got too dark, I noticed, though without much interest, that on one section of the shore, a low rock platform appeared to stretch far out into the crashing waves.

Towards this I now went, scrambling over smooth stones, to which scarce even a particle of sea-weed clung; and having found it, I got on it, and followed its direction, as near as I could guess, out into the tumbling chaos. I could hardly keep my feet against the wind and sea. The waves repeatedly all but swept me off my path; but I kept on my way, till I reached the end of the low promontory, which, in the fall of the waves, rose a good many feet above the surface, and, in their rise, was covered with their waters. I stood one moment and gazed into the heaving abyss beneath me; then plunged headlong into the mounting wave below. A blessing, like the kiss of a mother, seemed to alight on my soul; a calm, deeper than that which accompanies a hope deferred, bathed my spirit. I sank far into the waters, and sought not to return. I felt as if once more the great arms of the beech-tree were around me, soothing me after the miseries I had passed through, and telling me, like a little sick child, that I should be better to-morrow. The waters of themselves lifted me, as with loving arms, to the surface. I breathed again, but did not unclose my eyes. I would not look on the wintry sea, and the pitiless gray sky. Thus I floated, till something gently touched me. It was a little boat floating beside me. How it came there I could not tell; but it rose and sank on the waters, and kept touching me in its fall, as if with a human will to let me know that help was by me. It was a little gay-coloured boat, seemingly covered with glistering scales like those of a fish, all of brilliant rainbow hues. I scrambled into it, and lay down in the bottom, with a sense of exquisite repose.

I headed towards it, scrambling over smooth stones, barely anything clinging to them except a bit of seaweed. Once I found it, I got on and followed its direction as best as I could guess, heading into the chaotic surf. It was tough to stay upright against the wind and waves. The waves kept almost knocking me off course, but I pressed on until I reached the end of the low promontory, which rose several feet above the surface when the waves receded and was covered by water when they surged. I paused for a moment, looking into the churning depths below me, then plunged headfirst into the rising wave. A feeling of blessing, like a mother's kiss, washed over my soul; a calm deeper than the one that comes with postponed hope enveloped my spirit. I sank deep into the water and didn’t try to swim back up. It felt like the strong arms of the beech-tree were around me, comforting me after all I'd been through, whispering like a little sick child that I would feel better tomorrow. The water lifted me gently, like caring arms, to the surface. I took a breath but kept my eyes closed. I didn’t want to see the wintery sea and the relentless gray sky. I floated there until something brushed against me. It was a small boat drifting nearby. I had no idea how it got there, but it bobbed on the water, nudging me gently, as if it had a human will to let me know help was close. It was a little brightly colored boat, seemingly covered in shimmering scales like a fish, all in brilliant rainbow colors. I climbed into it and lay down in the bottom, feeling an exquisite sense of peace.

Then I drew over me a rich, heavy, purple cloth that was beside me; and, lying still, knew, by the sound of the waters, that my little bark was fleeting rapidly onwards. Finding, however, none of that stormy motion which the sea had manifested when I beheld it from the shore, I opened my eyes; and, looking first up, saw above me the deep violet sky of a warm southern night; and then, lifting my head, saw that I was sailing fast upon a summer sea, in the last border of a southern twilight. The aureole of the sun yet shot the extreme faint tips of its longest rays above the horizon-waves, and withdrew them not. It was a perpetual twilight. The stars, great and earnest, like children’s eyes, bent down lovingly towards the waters; and the reflected stars within seemed to float up, as if longing to meet their embraces. But when I looked down, a new wonder met my view. For, vaguely revealed beneath the wave, I floated above my whole Past. The fields of my childhood flitted by; the halls of my youthful labours; the streets of great cities where I had dwelt; and the assemblies of men and women wherein I had wearied myself seeking for rest. But so indistinct were the visions, that sometimes I thought I was sailing on a shallow sea, and that strange rocks and forests of sea-plants beguiled my eye, sufficiently to be transformed, by the magic of the phantasy, into well-known objects and regions. Yet, at times, a beloved form seemed to lie close beneath me in sleep; and the eyelids would tremble as if about to forsake the conscious eye; and the arms would heave upwards, as if in dreams they sought for a satisfying presence. But these motions might come only from the heaving of the waters between those forms and me. Soon I fell asleep, overcome with fatigue and delight. In dreams of unspeakable joy—of restored friendships; of revived embraces; of love which said it had never died; of faces that had vanished long ago, yet said with smiling lips that they knew nothing of the grave; of pardons implored, and granted with such bursting floods of love, that I was almost glad I had sinned—thus I passed through this wondrous twilight. I awoke with the feeling that I had been kissed and loved to my heart’s content; and found that my boat was floating motionless by the grassy shore of a little island.

Then I wrapped myself in a rich, heavy purple cloth that was beside me; and, lying still, I realized from the sound of the water that my little boat was moving quickly onward. However, since I didn't feel the stormy motion I had seen when I looked at the sea from the shore, I opened my eyes; and, looking up, I saw the deep violet sky of a warm southern night; and then, lifting my head, I saw that I was sailing swiftly on a summer sea during the last moments of a southern twilight. The sun's halo still cast faint rays above the horizon waves, refusing to fade. It was a continuous twilight. The stars, big and earnest, like children's eyes, looked down lovingly at the waters; and the stars reflected in the water seemed to float upwards, as if they longed to meet their embrace. But when I looked down, a new wonder caught my eye. For, vaguely revealed beneath the waves, I floated above my entire past. The fields of my childhood passed by; the halls of my youth; the streets of big cities where I had lived; and the gatherings of men and women where I had wearied myself searching for peace. But the visions were so faint that sometimes I thought I was sailing on a shallow sea, and strange rocks and forests of sea plants captivated my gaze enough that, through the magic of my imagination, they transformed into familiar objects and places. Yet, at times, a beloved figure seemed to lie just below me in sleep; and the eyelids would flutter as if about to leave the conscious eye; and the arms would rise, as if in dreams they sought a comforting presence. But these movements might have come only from the waves between those figures and me. Soon I fell asleep, overwhelmed by fatigue and delight. In dreams of indescribable joy—of restored friendships; of renewed embraces; of love that claimed it had never died; of faces long gone, yet smiling with lips that said they knew nothing of death; of pardons asked for and granted with such overflowing love that I was almost glad I had sinned—this is how I moved through this amazing twilight. I awoke feeling like I had been kissed and loved to my heart's content; and I found that my boat was floating still by the grassy shore of a small island.

CHAPTER XIX

“In still rest, in changeless simplicity, I bear,
uninterrupted, the consciousness of the whole of Humanity within me.”
          SCHLEIERMACHER, Monologen.

“... such a sweetness, such a grace,
    In all thy speech appear,
That what to th’eye a beauteous face,
    That thy tongue is to the ear.”
          COWLEY.

“In quiet stillness, in unchanging simplicity, I hold,
constantly, the awareness of all Humanity within me.”
          SCHLEIERMACHER, Monologen.

“... such a sweetness, such a grace,
    In everything you say,
That what your face is to the eye,
    Your voice is to the ear.”
          COWLEY.

The water was deep to the very edge; and I sprang from the little boat upon a soft grassy turf. The island seemed rich with a profusion of all grasses and low flowers. All delicate lowly things were most plentiful; but no trees rose skywards, not even a bush overtopped the tall grasses, except in one place near the cottage I am about to describe, where a few plants of the gum-cistus, which drops every night all the blossoms that the day brings forth, formed a kind of natural arbour. The whole island lay open to the sky and sea. It rose nowhere more than a few feet above the level of the waters, which flowed deep all around its border. Here there seemed to be neither tide nor storm. A sense of persistent calm and fulness arose in the mind at the sight of the slow, pulse-like rise and fall of the deep, clear, unrippled waters against the bank of the island, for shore it could hardly be called, being so much more like the edge of a full, solemn river. As I walked over the grass towards the cottage, which stood at a little distance from the bank, all the flowers of childhood looked at me with perfect child-eyes out of the grass. My heart, softened by the dreams through which it had passed, overflowed in a sad, tender love towards them. They looked to me like children impregnably fortified in a helpless confidence. The sun stood half-way down the western sky, shining very soft and golden; and there grew a second world of shadows amidst the world of grasses and wild flowers.

The water was deep right to the edge, and I jumped from the little boat onto a soft patch of grass. The island was lush with a variety of grasses and low flowers. Delicate, humble things were everywhere, but no trees reached up high; not even a bush stood taller than the tall grasses except in one spot near the cottage I’m about to describe, where a few gum-cistus plants—losing all their blossoms every night—created a sort of natural arbor. The entire island was open to the sky and sea. It didn’t rise more than a few feet above the water level, which flowed deep all around its edge. Here, it seemed like there were neither tides nor storms. A sense of ongoing calm and fullness filled my mind as I watched the slow rise and fall of the clear, smooth waters against the island’s edge, since it could hardly be called a shore; it felt much more like the bank of a full, serious river. As I walked over the grass toward the cottage, which was a bit away from the water, all the flowers of childhood looked at me with innocent eyes from among the grass. My heart, softened by the dreams I had experienced, overflowed with a sad, tender love for them. They seemed like children, securely wrapped in a helpless confidence. The sun hung halfway down the western sky, shining soft and golden; and a second world of shadows grew amidst the grasses and wildflowers.

The cottage was square, with low walls, and a high pyramidal roof thatched with long reeds, of which the withered blossoms hung over all the eaves. It is noticeable that most of the buildings I saw in Fairy Land were cottages. There was no path to a door, nor, indeed, was there any track worn by footsteps in the island.

The cottage was square, with low walls and a high pyramid-shaped roof covered in long reeds, with dried blossoms hanging over the eaves. It’s striking that most of the buildings I saw in Fairy Land were cottages. There was no path to the door, and in fact, there were no footprints on the island at all.

The cottage rose right out of the smooth turf. It had no windows that I could see; but there was a door in the centre of the side facing me, up to which I went. I knocked, and the sweetest voice I had ever heard said, “Come in.” I entered. A bright fire was burning on a hearth in the centre of the earthern floor, and the smoke found its way out at an opening in the centre of the pyramidal roof. Over the fire hung a little pot, and over the pot bent a woman-face, the most wonderful, I thought, that I had ever beheld. For it was older than any countenance I had ever looked upon. There was not a spot in which a wrinkle could lie, where a wrinkle lay not. And the skin was ancient and brown, like old parchment. The woman’s form was tall and spare: and when she stood up to welcome me, I saw that she was straight as an arrow. Could that voice of sweetness have issued from those lips of age? Mild as they were, could they be the portals whence flowed such melody? But the moment I saw her eyes, I no longer wondered at her voice: they were absolutely young—those of a woman of five-and-twenty, large, and of a clear gray. Wrinkles had beset them all about; the eyelids themselves were old, and heavy, and worn; but the eyes were very incarnations of soft light. She held out her hand to me, and the voice of sweetness again greeted me, with the single word, “Welcome.” She set an old wooden chair for me, near the fire, and went on with her cooking. A wondrous sense of refuge and repose came upon me. I felt like a boy who has got home from school, miles across the hills, through a heavy storm of wind and snow. Almost, as I gazed on her, I sprang from my seat to kiss those old lips. And when, having finished her cooking, she brought some of the dish she had prepared, and set it on a little table by me, covered with a snow-white cloth, I could not help laying my head on her bosom, and bursting into happy tears. She put her arms round me, saying, “Poor child; poor child!”

The cottage rose right up from the smooth grass. I couldn't see any windows, but there was a door in the center of the side facing me, so I walked up to it. I knocked, and the sweetest voice I’d ever heard said, “Come in.” I stepped inside. A bright fire was burning in the middle of the earthen floor, and the smoke escaped through an opening in the center of the pyramid-shaped roof. There was a little pot hanging over the fire, and leaning over it was a woman’s face, the most amazing one I had ever seen. It looked older than any face I had ever looked at. There was no place where a wrinkle could hide that didn’t have one. Her skin was old and brown, like aged parchment. The woman was tall and thin, and when she stood up to greet me, I noticed she was as straight as an arrow. Could that sweet voice really have come from those aged lips? Even though they looked mild, could they be the source of such melody? But when I saw her eyes, I stopped wondering about her voice: they were completely youthful—those of a twenty-five-year-old woman, large, and a clear gray. Wrinkles surrounded them; the eyelids themselves were old, heavy, and worn, but the eyes were pure soft light. She extended her hand to me, and that sweet voice welcomed me again with a simple, “Welcome.” She set an old wooden chair for me near the fire and went back to her cooking. A wonderful feeling of refuge and peace washed over me. I felt like a boy who had just come home from school, miles across the hills, through a fierce storm of wind and snow. Mesmerized by her, I almost jumped from my seat to kiss those old lips. When she finished cooking, she brought some of the dish she had prepared and placed it on a little table next to me, covered with a snow-white cloth. I couldn’t help but lay my head on her chest and burst into happy tears. She wrapped her arms around me, saying, “Poor child; poor child!”

As I continued to weep, she gently disengaged herself, and, taking a spoon, put some of the food (I did not know what it was) to my lips, entreating me most endearingly to swallow it. To please her, I made an effort, and succeeded. She went on feeding me like a baby, with one arm round me, till I looked up in her face and smiled: then she gave me the spoon and told me to eat, for it would do me good. I obeyed her, and found myself wonderfully refreshed. Then she drew near the fire an old-fashioned couch that was in the cottage, and making me lie down upon it, sat at my feet, and began to sing. Amazing store of old ballads rippled from her lips, over the pebbles of ancient tunes; and the voice that sang was sweet as the voice of a tuneful maiden that singeth ever from very fulness of song. The songs were almost all sad, but with a sound of comfort. One I can faintly recall. It was something like this:

As I kept crying, she gently pulled away, took a spoon, and brought some food (I didn’t know what it was) to my lips, kindly urging me to swallow it. To make her happy, I tried, and managed to do it. She continued feeding me like a baby, with one arm around me, until I looked up at her and smiled; then she handed me the spoon and told me to eat, as it would be good for me. I followed her suggestion and felt surprisingly refreshed. Then she moved an old couch that was in the cottage closer to the fire, made me lie down on it, sat at my feet, and started to sing. A wonderful array of old ballads flowed from her lips, blending with the timeless melodies. Her voice was as sweet as that of a young girl singing from the depths of her heart. Most of the songs were sad but gave a sense of comfort. One I can barely recall. It was something like this:

Sir Aglovaile through the churchyard rode;
        Sing, All alone I lie:
Little recked he where’er he yode,
        All alone, up in the sky.

Swerved his courser, and plunged with fear
        All alone I lie:
His cry might have wakened the dead men near,
        All alone, up in the sky.

The very dead that lay at his feet,
Lapt in the mouldy winding-sheet.

But he curbed him and spurred him, until he stood
Still in his place, like a horse of wood,

With nostrils uplift, and eyes wide and wan;
But the sweat in streams from his fetlocks ran.

A ghost grew out of the shadowy air,
And sat in the midst of her moony hair.

In her gleamy hair she sat and wept;
In the dreamful moon they lay and slept;

The shadows above, and the bodies below,
Lay and slept in the moonbeams slow.

And she sang, like the moan of an autumn wind
Over the stubble left behind:

Alas, how easily things go wrong!
A sigh too much, or a kiss too long,
And there follows a mist and a weeping rain,
And life is never the same again.

Alas, how hardly things go right!
‘Tis hard to watch on a summer night,
For the sigh will come and the kiss will stay,
And the summer night is a winter day.


“Oh, lovely ghosts my heart is woes
To see thee weeping and wailing so.

Oh, lovely ghost,” said the fearless knight,
“Can the sword of a warrior set it right?

Or prayer of bedesman, praying mild,
As a cup of water a feverish child,

Sooth thee at last, in dreamless mood
To sleep the sleep a dead lady should?

Thine eyes they fill me with longing sore,
As if I had known thee for evermore.

Oh, lovely ghost, I could leave the day
To sit with thee in the moon away

If thou wouldst trust me, and lay thy head
To rest on a bosom that is not dead.”
The lady sprang up with a strange ghost-cry,
And she flung her white ghost-arms on high:

And she laughed a laugh that was not gay,
And it lengthened out till it died away;

And the dead beneath turned and moaned,
And the yew-trees above they shuddered and groaned.

“Will he love me twice with a love that is vain?
Will he kill the poor ghost yet again?

I thought thou wert good; but I said, and wept:
‘Can I have dreamed who have not slept?’

And I knew, alas! or ever I would,
Whether I dreamed, or thou wert good.

When my baby died, my brain grew wild.
I awoke, and found I was with my child.”

“If thou art the ghost of my Adelaide,
How is it? Thou wert but a village maid,

And thou seemest an angel lady white,
Though thin, and wan, and past delight.”

The lady smiled a flickering smile,
And she pressed her temples hard the while.

“Thou seest that Death for a woman can
Do more than knighthood for a man.”

“But show me the child thou callest mine,
Is she out to-night in the ghost’s sunshine?”

“In St. Peter’s Church she is playing on,
At hide-and-seek, with Apostle John.

When the moonbeams right through the window go,
Where the twelve are standing in glorious show,

She says the rest of them do not stir,
But one comes down to play with her.

Then I can go where I list, and weep,
For good St. John my child will keep.”

“Thy beauty filleth the very air,
Never saw I a woman so fair.”

“Come, if thou darest, and sit by my side;
But do not touch me, or woe will betide.

Alas, I am weak: I might well know
This gladness betokens some further woe.

Yet come. It will come. I will bear it. I can.
For thou lovest me yet—though but as a man.”

The knight dismounted in earnest speed;
Away through the tombstones thundered the steed,

And fell by the outer wall, and died.
But the knight he kneeled by the lady’s side;

Kneeled beside her in wondrous bliss,
Rapt in an everlasting kiss:

Though never his lips come the lady nigh,
And his eyes alone on her beauty lie.

All the night long, till the cock crew loud,
He kneeled by the lady, lapt in her shroud.

And what they said, I may not say:
Dead night was sweeter than living day.

How she made him so blissful glad
Who made her and found her so ghostly sad,

I may not tell; but it needs no touch
To make them blessed who love so much.

“Come every night, my ghost, to me;
And one night I will come to thee.

‘Tis good to have a ghostly wife:
She will not tremble at clang of strife;

She will only hearken, amid the din,
Behind the door, if he cometh in.”

And this is how Sir Aglovaile
Often walked in the moonlight pale.

And oft when the crescent but thinned the gloom,
Full orbed moonlight filled his room;

And through beneath his chamber door,
Fell a ghostly gleam on the outer floor;

And they that passed, in fear averred
That murmured words they often heard.

‘Twas then that the eastern crescent shone
Through the chancel window, and good St. John

Played with the ghost-child all the night,
And the mother was free till the morning light,

And sped through the dawning night, to stay
With Aglovaile till the break of day.

And their love was a rapture, lone and high,
And dumb as the moon in the topmost sky.

One night Sir Aglovaile, weary, slept
And dreamed a dream wherein he wept.

A warrior he was, not often wept he,
But this night he wept full bitterly.

He woke—beside him the ghost-girl shone
Out of the dark: ‘twas the eve of St. John.

He had dreamed a dream of a still, dark wood,
Where the maiden of old beside him stood;

But a mist came down, and caught her away,
And he sought her in vain through the pathless day,

Till he wept with the grief that can do no more,
And thought he had dreamt the dream before.

From bursting heart the weeping flowed on;
And lo! beside him the ghost-girl shone;

Shone like the light on a harbour’s breast,
Over the sea of his dream’s unrest;

Shone like the wondrous, nameless boon,
That the heart seeks ever, night or noon:

Warnings forgotten, when needed most,
He clasped to his bosom the radiant ghost.

She wailed aloud, and faded, and sank.
With upturn’d white face, cold and blank,

In his arms lay the corpse of the maiden pale,
And she came no more to Sir Aglovaile.

Only a voice, when winds were wild,
Sobbed and wailed like a chidden child.

Alas, how easily things go wrong!
A sigh too much, or a kiss too long,
And there follows a mist and a weeping rain,
And life is never the same again.

Sir Aglovaile rode through the churchyard;
        Sing, All alone I lie:
He didn’t care where he went,
        All alone, up in the sky.

His horse swerved and jumped in fright,
        All alone I lie:
His shout could have woken the dead nearby,
        All alone, up in the sky.

The very dead lay at his feet,
Wrapped in the musty shroud.

But he held him back and urged him on until he stood
Still in his place, like a wooden horse,

With nostrils raised and eyes wide and pale;
But sweat streamed down from his ankles.

A ghost emerged from the shadowy air,
And sat among her moonlit hair.

In her shimmering hair, she sat and wept;
In the dreamy moonlight, they lay and slept;

The shadows above and the bodies below,
Lay asleep in the soft moonbeams.

And she sang, like the moan of autumn wind
Over the stubble left behind:

Alas, how easily things go wrong!
A sigh too much, or a kiss too long,
And there's a mist and a weeping rain,
And life is never the same again.

Alas, how hard it is for things to go right!
It’s tough to watch on a summer night,
For the sigh will come and the kiss will remain,
And the summer night feels like a winter day.


“Oh, lovely ghost, my heart aches
To see you weeping and wailing so.

Oh, lovely ghost,” said the brave knight,
“Can a warrior’s sword set it right?

Or a prayer from a humble man,
Like a cup of water for a feverish child,

Calm you at last, in dreamless peace
To sleep the sleep a dead lady should?

Your eyes fill me with deep longing,
As if I’ve known you forever.

Oh, lovely ghost, I could leave the day
To sit with you in the moonlight

If you would trust me, and lay your head
To rest on a heart that is not dead.”
The lady jumped up with a strange ghostly cry,
And she raised her white ghostly arms high:

And she laughed a laugh that wasn’t joyful,
And it stretched out until it faded away;

And the dead below turned and groaned,
And the yew-trees above trembled and sighed.

“Will he love me again in vain?
Will he kill the poor ghost once more?

I thought you were good; but I cried, and wept:
‘Can I have dreamed if I have not slept?’

And I knew, alas! even before I wanted to,
Whether I dreamed, or you were good.

When my baby died, my mind went wild.
I woke up and found I was with my child.”

“If you are the ghost of my Adelaide,
How is it? You were just a village girl,

And you seem like an angel, pure and white,
Though thin, and pale, and beyond delight.”

The lady smiled a flickering smile,
And pressed her temples hard all the while.

“You see that Death for a woman can
Do more than knighthood can for a man.”

“But show me the child you call mine,
Is she out tonight in the ghostly light?”

“In St. Peter’s Church, she is playing,
At hide-and-seek with Apostle John.

When the moonbeams shine through the window,
Where the twelve are standing in glorious view,

She says the rest of them do not move,
But one comes down to play with her.

Then I can go where I wish and weep,
For good St. John will take care of my child.”

“Your beauty fills the very air,
I’ve never seen a woman so fair.”

“Come, if you dare, and sit by my side;
But do not touch me, or trouble will come.

Alas, I am weak: I should have known
This joy signals some further trouble.

Yet come. It will come. I will handle it. I can.
For you love me still—though only as a man.”

The knight dismounted in earnest haste;
Away through the tombstones galloped the horse,

And fell by the outer wall and died.
But the knight knelt by the lady’s side;

Kneeled beside her in wondrous bliss,
Entranced in an everlasting kiss:

Though his lips never touched the lady’s,
And his eyes alone rested on her beauty.

All night long, until the rooster crowed loudly,
He knelt by the lady, wrapped in her shroud.

And what they said, I cannot say:
Dead night was sweeter than living day.

How she made him blissfully glad
Who created her and found her so ghostly sad,

I cannot tell; but it needs no touch
To make them blessed who love so much.

“Come every night, my ghost, to me;
And one night I will come to you.

It’s good to have a ghostly wife:
She will not tremble at the clash of strife;

She will only listen, amid the noise,
Behind the door, if he comes in.”

And this is how Sir Aglovaile
Often walked in the pale moonlight.

And often when the crescent moon thinned the gloom,
Full moonlight filled his room;

And through beneath his chamber door,
Fell a ghostly glow on the outer floor;

And those who passed, in fear affirmed
That they often heard murmured words.

It was then that the eastern crescent shone
Through the chancel window, and good St. John

Played with the ghost-child all night,
And the mother was free until morning light,

And sped through the dawning night, to stay
With Aglovaile until the break of day.

And their love was a joy, solitary and high,
And silent as the moon in the highest sky.

One night Sir Aglovaile, weary, slept
And dreamed a dream in which he wept.

He was a warrior, seldom did he weep,
But this night he cried bitterly.

He woke—beside him the ghost-girl shone
Out of the dark: it was the eve of St. John.

He had dreamed of a still, dark wood,
Where the maiden of old stood beside him;

But a mist came down and took her away,
And he searched for her in vain through the directionless day,

Until he wept with grief that could do no more,
And thought he had dreamt the dream before.

From his breaking heart, the tears flowed on;
And lo! beside him the ghost-girl shone;

Shone like the light on a harbor's breast,
Over the sea of his troubled dreams;

Shone like the wonderful, nameless gift,
That the heart seeks ever, night or day:

Warnings forgotten, when needed most,
He clasped to his chest the radiant ghost.

She wailed aloud and faded and sank.
With upturned white face, cold and blank,

In his arms lay the lifeless form of the maiden pale,
And she never came again to Sir Aglovaile.

Only a voice, when winds were wild,
Sobbed and wailed like a scolded child.

Alas, how easily things go wrong!
A sigh too much, or a kiss too long,
And there's a mist and a weeping rain,
And life is never the same again.

This was one of the simplest of her songs, which, perhaps, is the cause of my being able to remember it better than most of the others. While she sung, I was in Elysium, with the sense of a rich soul upholding, embracing, and overhanging mine, full of all plenty and bounty. I felt as if she could give me everything I wanted; as if I should never wish to leave her, but would be content to be sung to and fed by her, day after day, as years rolled by. At last I fell asleep while she sang.

This was one of her simplest songs, which might be why I remember it better than most of the others. As she sang, I felt like I was in paradise, feeling a deep connection with her soul, rich in abundance and generosity. I thought she could give me everything I desired; I felt like I would never want to leave her, that I would be happy just to listen to her sing and be taken care of by her, day after day, as the years went on. Eventually, I fell asleep while she was singing.

When I awoke, I knew not whether it was night or day. The fire had sunk to a few red embers, which just gave light enough to show me the woman standing a few feet from me, with her back towards me, facing the door by which I had entered. She was weeping, but very gently and plentifully. The tears seemed to come freely from her heart. Thus she stood for a few minutes; then, slowly turning at right angles to her former position, she faced another of the four sides of the cottage. I now observed, for the first time, that here was a door likewise; and that, indeed, there was one in the centre of every side of the cottage.

When I woke up, I couldn’t tell if it was night or day. The fire had died down to a few red embers, just enough to illuminate the woman standing a few feet away from me, with her back turned, facing the door through which I had entered. She was crying, but quietly and abundantly. The tears seemed to flow freely from her heart. She stood like that for a few minutes; then, slowly turning to face another side of the cottage, I noticed for the first time that there was a door there too; in fact, there was one in the center of every side of the cottage.

When she looked towards the second door, her tears ceased to flow, but sighs took their place. She often closed her eyes as she stood; and every time she closed her eyes, a gentle sigh seemed to be born in her heart, and to escape at her lips. But when her eyes were open, her sighs were deep and very sad, and shook her whole frame. Then she turned towards the third door, and a cry as of fear or suppressed pain broke from her; but she seemed to hearten herself against the dismay, and to front it steadily; for, although I often heard a slight cry, and sometimes a moan, yet she never moved or bent her head, and I felt sure that her eyes never closed. Then she turned to the fourth door, and I saw her shudder, and then stand still as a statue; till at last she turned towards me and approached the fire. I saw that her face was white as death. But she gave one look upwards, and smiled the sweetest, most child-innocent smile; then heaped fresh wood on the fire, and, sitting down by the blaze, drew her wheel near her, and began to spin. While she spun, she murmured a low strange song, to which the hum of the wheel made a kind of infinite symphony. At length she paused in her spinning and singing, and glanced towards me, like a mother who looks whether or not her child gives signs of waking. She smiled when she saw that my eyes were open. I asked her whether it was day yet. She answered, “It is always day here, so long as I keep my fire burning.”

When she looked at the second door, her tears stopped flowing, but sighs took their place. She often closed her eyes while standing there, and each time she did, a gentle sigh seemed to rise from her heart and escape her lips. But when her eyes were open, her sighs were deep and very sad, shaking her whole body. Then she turned to the third door, and a cry, like fear or suppressed pain, slipped out of her; but she seemed to strengthen herself against the distress and faced it firmly. Although I occasionally heard a slight cry, and sometimes a moan, she never moved or bowed her head, and I was certain her eyes were always open. Then she turned to the fourth door, and I saw her shudder, standing still like a statue; finally, she turned towards me and walked over to the fire. I noticed her face was as pale as death. But she looked up and smiled the sweetest, most childlike smile; then she added more wood to the fire, sat down by the flames, pulled her wheel closer, and started to spin. While she spun, she softly sang a strange song that blended with the hum of the wheel to create an endless symphony. Eventually, she paused in her spinning and singing, glancing at me like a mother checking if her child is waking up. She smiled when she saw my eyes were open. I asked her if it was daytime yet. She replied, “It’s always day here, as long as I keep my fire burning.”

I felt wonderfully refreshed; and a great desire to see more of the island awoke within me. I rose, and saying that I wished to look about me, went towards the door by which I had entered.

I felt really refreshed, and a strong desire to explore more of the island stirred inside me. I got up and, saying that I wanted to look around, headed for the door I had come in through.

“Stay a moment,” said my hostess, with some trepidation in her voice. “Listen to me. You will not see what you expect when you go out of that door. Only remember this: whenever you wish to come back to me, enter wherever you see this mark.”

“Wait a second,” my host said, a bit nervously. “Listen to me. You won’t see what you’re expecting when you go out that door. Just remember this: whenever you want to come back to me, enter wherever you see this mark.”

She held up her left hand between me and the fire. Upon the palm, which appeared almost transparent, I saw, in dark red, a mark like this —> which I took care to fix in my mind.

She raised her left hand between me and the fire. On the palm, which looked almost see-through, I saw, in dark red, a mark that looked like this —> and I made sure to remember it.

She then kissed me, and bade me good-bye with a solemnity that awed me; and bewildered me too, seeing I was only going out for a little ramble in an island, which I did not believe larger than could easily be compassed in a few hours’ walk at most. As I went she resumed her spinning.

She kissed me and said goodbye with a seriousness that impressed me and left me confused, given that I was just going out for a short stroll on an island that I thought was small enough to walk around in just a few hours. As I left, she went back to her spinning.

I opened the door, and stepped out. The moment my foot touched the smooth sward, I seemed to issue from the door of an old barn on my father’s estate, where, in the hot afternoons, I used to go and lie amongst the straw, and read. It seemed to me now that I had been asleep there. At a little distance in the field, I saw two of my brothers at play. The moment they caught sight of me, they called out to me to come and join them, which I did; and we played together as we had done years ago, till the red sun went down in the west, and the gray fog began to rise from the river. Then we went home together with a strange happiness. As we went, we heard the continually renewed larum of a landrail in the long grass. One of my brothers and I separated to a little distance, and each commenced running towards the part whence the sound appeared to come, in the hope of approaching the spot where the bird was, and so getting at least a sight of it, if we should not be able to capture the little creature. My father’s voice recalled us from trampling down the rich long grass, soon to be cut down and laid aside for the winter. I had quite forgotten all about Fairy Land, and the wonderful old woman, and the curious red mark.

I opened the door and stepped outside. The moment my foot touched the smooth grass, I felt like I was coming out of the door of an old barn on my dad’s estate, where I used to lie in the straw and read on hot afternoons. It felt like I had been asleep there. A little way off in the field, I saw two of my brothers playing. As soon as they spotted me, they shouted for me to come join them, which I did; we played together like we had years ago until the red sun set in the west and the gray fog began to rise from the river. Then we headed home together with a strange happiness. As we walked, we heard the continuous call of a landrail in the tall grass. One of my brothers and I ran a little way off, each of us trying to get closer to where the sound was coming from, hoping to catch a glimpse of the bird, even if we couldn't catch it. My dad's voice brought us back from trampling the rich tall grass, which was soon to be cut and stored for the winter. I had completely forgotten about Fairy Land, the amazing old woman, and the curious red mark.

My favourite brother and I shared the same bed. Some childish dispute arose between us; and our last words, ere we fell asleep, were not of kindness, notwithstanding the pleasures of the day. When I woke in the morning, I missed him. He had risen early, and had gone to bathe in the river. In another hour, he was brought home drowned. Alas! alas! if we had only gone to sleep as usual, the one with his arm about the other! Amidst the horror of the moment, a strange conviction flashed across my mind, that I had gone through the very same once before.

My favorite brother and I shared the same bed. We had a silly argument before sleeping, and our last words were not kind, despite the fun we had during the day. When I woke up in the morning, I noticed he was gone. He had woken up early and went to bathe in the river. An hour later, he was brought home drowned. Oh, if only we had fallen asleep as usual, with one of us having our arm around the other! In the midst of the horror, a strange feeling came over me, as if I had experienced this exact situation before.

I rushed out of the house, I knew not why, sobbing and crying bitterly. I ran through the fields in aimless distress, till, passing the old barn, I caught sight of a red mark on the door. The merest trifles sometimes rivet the attention in the deepest misery; the intellect has so little to do with grief. I went up to look at this mark, which I did not remember ever to have seen before. As I looked at it, I thought I would go in and lie down amongst the straw, for I was very weary with running about and weeping. I opened the door; and there in the cottage sat the old woman as I had left her, at her spinning-wheel.

I rushed out of the house, not even sure why, sobbing and crying hard. I ran through the fields in a aimless state of distress until, passing the old barn, I noticed a red mark on the door. Sometimes, the smallest things catch your attention when you're in deep pain; your mind has so little to do with sorrow. I went over to get a closer look at this mark, which I didn’t remember seeing before. As I stared at it, I thought about going inside and lying down in the straw because I was completely worn out from running and crying. I opened the door, and there in the cottage sat the old woman just as I had left her, at her spinning wheel.

“I did not expect you quite so soon,” she said, as I shut the door behind me. I went up to the couch, and threw myself on it with that fatigue wherewith one awakes from a feverish dream of hopeless grief.

“I didn’t expect you to arrive so soon,” she said as I closed the door behind me. I walked over to the couch and collapsed onto it, feeling that exhaustion that comes from waking up from a feverish dream of deep sorrow.

The old woman sang:

The elderly woman sang:

The great sun, benighted,
    May faint from the sky;
But love, once uplighted,
    Will never more die.

Form, with its brightness,
    From eyes will depart:
It walketh, in whiteness,
    The halls of the heart.

The bright sun, clouded over,
    May fade from the sky;
But love, once lifted up,
    Will never die.

Form, with its brightness,
    Will leave the eyes:
It walks, in purity,
    The halls of the heart.

Ere she had ceased singing, my courage had returned. I started from the couch, and, without taking leave of the old woman, opened the door of Sighs, and sprang into what should appear.

Before she finished singing, I felt my courage come back. I jumped up from the couch, and without saying goodbye to the old woman, I opened the door of Sighs and rushed into what lay ahead.

I stood in a lordly hall, where, by a blazing fire on the hearth, sat a lady, waiting, I knew, for some one long desired. A mirror was near me, but I saw that my form had no place within its depths, so I feared not that I should be seen. The lady wonderfully resembled my marble lady, but was altogether of the daughters of men, and I could not tell whether or not it was she.

I stood in a grand hall, where, by a roaring fire in the fireplace, sat a lady, waiting, I realized, for someone she had long been hoping for. A mirror was nearby, but I saw that my reflection didn’t belong in it, so I wasn’t afraid of being seen. The lady looked remarkably like my marble figure, but she was entirely human, and I couldn’t tell if it was really her or not.

It was not for me she waited. The tramp of a great horse rang through the court without. It ceased, and the clang of armour told that his rider alighted, and the sound of his ringing heels approached the hall. The door opened; but the lady waited, for she would meet her lord alone. He strode in: she flew like a home-bound dove into his arms, and nestled on the hard steel. It was the knight of the soiled armour. But now the armour shone like polished glass; and strange to tell, though the mirror reflected not my form, I saw a dim shadow of myself in the shining steel.

It wasn't me she was waiting for. The sound of a powerful horse echoed through the courtyard outside. It stopped, and the clanking of armor announced that its rider had dismounted, followed by the sound of his heels approaching the hall. The door opened, but the lady stayed put, wanting to greet her lord alone. He walked in, and she rushed into his arms like a dove returning home, settling against the cold steel. He was the knight in the tarnished armor. But now the armor gleamed like polished glass; and strangely enough, even though the mirror didn’t show my reflection, I saw a faint shadow of myself in the shining steel.

“O my beloved, thou art come, and I am blessed.”

“O my beloved, you have come, and I am blessed.”

Her soft fingers speedily overcame the hard clasp of his helmet; one by one she undid the buckles of his armour; and she toiled under the weight of the mail, as she would carry it aside. Then she unclasped his greaves, and unbuckled his spurs; and once more she sprang into his arms, and laid her head where she could now feel the beating of his heart. Then she disengaged herself from his embrace, and, moving back a step or two, gazed at him. He stood there a mighty form, crowned with a noble head, where all sadness had disappeared, or had been absorbed in solemn purpose. Yet I suppose that he looked more thoughtful than the lady had expected to see him, for she did not renew her caresses, although his face glowed with love, and the few words he spoke were as mighty deeds for strength; but she led him towards the hearth, and seated him in an ancient chair, and set wine before him, and sat at his feet.

Her gentle fingers quickly unclamped his helmet; one by one she released the buckles of his armor; and she labored under the weight of the mail as she carried it aside. Then she unfastened his greaves and unbuckled his spurs; and once again she jumped into his arms, resting her head where she could feel the beat of his heart. After that, she pulled away from his embrace and, stepping back a bit, looked at him. He stood there, a powerful figure, crowned with a noble head, where all sadness had vanished or been replaced by a serious purpose. Yet, he seemed more contemplative than she had expected, as she didn’t continue her affection even though his face radiated love, and the few words he spoke carried the weight of great deeds. Instead, she guided him toward the hearth, settled him into an old chair, poured wine for him, and took a seat at his feet.

“I am sad,” he said, “when I think of the youth whom I met twice in the forests of Fairy Land; and who, you say, twice, with his songs, roused you from the death-sleep of an evil enchantment. There was something noble in him, but it was a nobleness of thought, and not of deed. He may yet perish of vile fear.”

“I’m sad,” he said, “when I think of the young man I met twice in the forests of Fairy Land; and who, you say, twice, with his songs, woke you from the death-sleep of a wicked enchantment. There was something noble about him, but it was a nobility of thought, not action. He might still succumb to base fear.”

“Ah!” returned the lady, “you saved him once, and for that I thank you; for may I not say that I somewhat loved him? But tell me how you fared, when you struck your battle-axe into the ash-tree, and he came and found you; for so much of the story you had told me, when the beggar-child came and took you away.”

“Ah!” said the lady, “you saved him once, and for that, I thank you; may I not say that I had some feelings for him? But tell me what happened when you swung your battle-axe into the ash tree and he came and found you; you had mentioned that part of the story when the beggar-child came and took you away.”

“As soon as I saw him,” rejoined the knight, “I knew that earthly arms availed not against such as he; and that my soul must meet him in its naked strength. So I unclasped my helm, and flung it on the ground; and, holding my good axe yet in my hand, gazed at him with steady eyes. On he came, a horror indeed, but I did not flinch. Endurance must conquer, where force could not reach. He came nearer and nearer, till the ghastly face was close to mine. A shudder as of death ran through me; but I think I did not move, for he seemed to quail, and retreated. As soon as he gave back, I struck one more sturdy blow on the stem of his tree, that the forest rang; and then looked at him again. He writhed and grinned with rage and apparent pain, and again approached me, but retreated sooner than before. I heeded him no more, but hewed with a will at the tree, till the trunk creaked, and the head bowed, and with a crash it fell to the earth. Then I looked up from my labour, and lo! the spectre had vanished, and I saw him no more; nor ever in my wanderings have I heard of him again.”

“As soon as I saw him,” replied the knight, “I realized that earthly weapons wouldn’t work against someone like him; my soul had to face him in its raw strength. So, I took off my helmet and threw it on the ground; and, still holding my trusty axe in my hand, I stared at him unwaveringly. He approached, truly terrifying, but I didn’t flinch. Endurance must win where strength could not. He came closer and closer until his ghastly face was right next to mine. A shiver, like death, ran through me; but I believe I didn’t move, for he seemed to back down and retreated. As soon as he pulled back, I struck another solid blow on the trunk of his tree, making the forest echo; then I looked at him again. He twisted and grinned with rage and obvious pain, and came toward me once more, but this time he backed off even quicker. I paid him no more attention and chopped diligently at the tree until the trunk creaked, the top bent down, and with a crash it fell to the ground. Then I looked up from my work, and suddenly! The specter had disappeared, and I never saw him again; nor have I heard of him in my travels since.”

“Well struck! well withstood! my hero,” said the lady.

“Well done! You held your ground, my hero,” said the lady.

“But,” said the knight, somewhat troubled, “dost thou love the youth still?”

“But,” said the knight, looking a bit uneasy, “do you still love the young man?”

“Ah!” she replied, “how can I help it? He woke me from worse than death; he loved me. I had never been for thee, if he had not sought me first. But I love him not as I love thee. He was but the moon of my night; thou art the sun of my day, O beloved.”

“Ah!” she replied, “how can I help it? He woke me from something worse than death; he loved me. I would have never been for you if he hadn’t pursued me first. But I don’t love him the way I love you. He was just the moon in my night; you are the sun in my day, O beloved.”

“Thou art right,” returned the noble man. “It were hard, indeed, not to have some love in return for such a gift as he hath given thee. I, too, owe him more than words can speak.”

"You’re right," replied the noble man. "It would be hard not to have some love in return for such a gift as he has given you. I, too, owe him more than words can express."

Humbled before them, with an aching and desolate heart, I yet could not restrain my words:

Humbled in front of them, with a hurting and empty heart, I still couldn't hold back my words:

“Let me, then, be the moon of thy night still, O woman! And when thy day is beclouded, as the fairest days will be, let some song of mine comfort thee, as an old, withered, half-forgotten thing, that belongs to an ancient mournful hour of uncompleted birth, which yet was beautiful in its time.”

“Let me be the moon of your night still, oh woman! And when your day is cloudy, as the brightest days can be, let one of my songs bring you comfort, like an old, faded, half-forgotten thing that belongs to a long-ago, sad moment of unfulfilled promise, which was still beautiful in its time.”

They sat silent, and I almost thought they were listening. The colour of the lady’s eyes grew deeper and deeper; the slow tears grew, and filled them, and overflowed. They rose, and passed, hand in hand, close to where I stood; and each looked towards me in passing. Then they disappeared through a door which closed behind them; but, ere it closed, I saw that the room into which it opened was a rich chamber, hung with gorgeous arras. I stood with an ocean of sighs frozen in my bosom. I could remain no longer. She was near me, and I could not see her; near me in the arms of one loved better than I, and I would not see her, and I would not be by her. But how to escape from the nearness of the best beloved? I had not this time forgotten the mark; for the fact that I could not enter the sphere of these living beings kept me aware that, for me, I moved in a vision, while they moved in life. I looked all about for the mark, but could see it nowhere; for I avoided looking just where it was. There the dull red cipher glowed, on the very door of their secret chamber. Struck with agony, I dashed it open, and fell at the feet of the ancient woman, who still spun on, the whole dissolved ocean of my sighs bursting from me in a storm of tearless sobs. Whether I fainted or slept, I do not know; but, as I returned to consciousness, before I seemed to have power to move, I heard the woman singing, and could distinguish the words:

They sat quietly, and I almost thought they were listening. The color of the lady’s eyes grew deeper and deeper; slow tears welled up, filled them, and overflowed. They stood up and walked hand in hand, right by where I was; each of them glanced at me as they passed. Then they disappeared through a door that closed behind them; but before it shut, I saw that the room they entered was a luxurious chamber, adorned with beautiful tapestries. I stood there with a wave of sighs trapped in my chest. I couldn’t stay any longer. She was close to me, and I couldn’t see her; close to me in the arms of someone she loved more than me, and I refused to see her, and I didn’t want to be near her. But how could I escape from the closeness of the one she loved? I hadn’t forgotten the mark this time; the fact that I couldn’t enter the realm of these living beings made me realize that, for me, I was in a vision while they were in reality. I searched around for the mark, but couldn’t find it anywhere; I couldn’t bring myself to look right where it was. There, on the very door of their secret chamber, the dull red symbol glowed. Overcome with anguish, I threw it open and collapsed at the feet of the old woman, who continued to spin, the entire ocean of my sighs bursting from me in a storm of silent sobs. Whether I fainted or slept, I don’t know; but as I regained consciousness, before I seemed to have the strength to move, I heard the woman singing, and I could make out the words:

O light of dead and of dying days!
    O Love! in thy glory go,
In a rosy mist and a moony maze,
    O’er the pathless peaks of snow.

But what is left for the cold gray soul,
    That moans like a wounded dove?
One wine is left in the broken bowl!—
    ‘Tis—To love, and love and love.

O light of dead and dying days!
    O Love! in your glory go,
In a rosy mist and a moonlit maze,
    Over the pathless peaks of snow.

But what is there for the cold gray soul,
    That moans like a wounded dove?
One wine is left in the broken bowl!—
    It’s—To love, and love and love.

Now I could weep. When she saw me weeping, she sang:

Now I could cry. When she saw me crying, she sang:

Better to sit at the waters’ birth,
    Than a sea of waves to win;
To live in the love that floweth forth,
    Than the love that cometh in.

Be thy heart a well of love, my child,
    Flowing, and free, and sure;
For a cistern of love, though undefiled,
    Keeps not the spirit pure.

Better to sit at the source of the waters,
    Than to conquer a sea of waves;
To live in the love that flows out,
    Than in the love that comes in.

Let your heart be a well of love, my child,
    Flowing, and free, and sure;
For a reservoir of love, even if untouched,
    Doesn't keep the spirit pure.

I rose from the earth, loving the white lady as I had never loved her before.

I got up from the ground, loving the white lady like I never had before.

Then I walked up to the door of Dismay, and opened it, and went out. And lo! I came forth upon a crowded street, where men and women went to and fro in multitudes. I knew it well; and, turning to one hand, walked sadly along the pavement. Suddenly I saw approaching me, a little way off, a form well known to me (well-known!—alas, how weak the word!) in the years when I thought my boyhood was left behind, and shortly before I entered the realm of Fairy Land. Wrong and Sorrow had gone together, hand-in-hand as it is well they do.

Then I walked up to the door of Dismay, opened it, and stepped outside. And behold! I found myself on a crowded street, where men and women were bustling about in large numbers. I recognized it well; and, turning to one side, walked sadly along the sidewalk. Suddenly, I spotted a familiar figure approaching from a distance (familiar!—oh, how inadequate that word is!) from the years when I thought I had left my childhood behind, just before I entered the world of Fairy Land. Wrong and Sorrow had gone together, hand in hand, as they often do.

Unchangeably dear was that face. It lay in my heart as a child lies in its own white bed; but I could not meet her.

Unchangeably precious was that face. It rested in my heart like a child in its own white bed; but I couldn't see her.

“Anything but that,” I said, and, turning aside, sprang up the steps to a door, on which I fancied I saw the mystic sign. I entered—not the mysterious cottage, but her home. I rushed wildly on, and stood by the door of her room.

“Anything but that,” I said, and, turning away, dashed up the steps to a door where I thought I saw the special sign. I entered—not the mysterious cottage, but her home. I rushed forward and stood by the door of her room.

“She is out,” I said, “I will see the old room once more.”

“She’s out,” I said, “I’ll check out the old room one last time.”

I opened the door gently, and stood in a great solemn church. A deep-toned bell, whose sounds throbbed and echoed and swam through the empty building, struck the hour of midnight. The moon shone through the windows of the clerestory, and enough of the ghostly radiance was diffused through the church to let me see, walking with a stately, yet somewhat trailing and stumbling step, down the opposite aisle, for I stood in one of the transepts, a figure dressed in a white robe, whether for the night, or for that longer night which lies too deep for the day, I could not tell. Was it she? and was this her chamber? I crossed the church, and followed. The figure stopped, seemed to ascend as it were a high bed, and lay down. I reached the place where it lay, glimmering white. The bed was a tomb. The light was too ghostly to see clearly, but I passed my hand over the face and the hands and the feet, which were all bare. They were cold—they were marble, but I knew them. It grew dark. I turned to retrace my steps, but found, ere long, that I had wandered into what seemed a little chapel. I groped about, seeking the door. Everything I touched belonged to the dead. My hands fell on the cold effigy of a knight who lay with his legs crossed and his sword broken beside him. He lay in his noble rest, and I lived on in ignoble strife. I felt for the left hand and a certain finger; I found there the ring I knew: he was one of my own ancestors. I was in the chapel over the burial-vault of my race. I called aloud: “If any of the dead are moving here, let them take pity upon me, for I, alas! am still alive; and let some dead woman comfort me, for I am a stranger in the land of the dead, and see no light.” A warm kiss alighted on my lips through the dark. And I said, “The dead kiss well; I will not be afraid.” And a great hand was reached out of the dark, and grasped mine for a moment, mightily and tenderly. I said to myself: “The veil between, though very dark, is very thin.”

I opened the door gently and stood in a grand, solemn church. A deep bell, whose sound throbbed and echoed through the empty building, struck midnight. The moon shone through the clerestory windows, and enough of its ghostly light spread through the church for me to see a figure in a white robe moving down the opposite aisle. I stood in one of the transepts, trying to determine if it was her and if this was her chamber. I crossed the church and followed. The figure stopped, seemed to rise as if to a high bed, and lay down. I reached the spot where it lay, glowing white. The bed was a tomb. The light was too faint to see clearly, but I ran my hand over the face, hands, and feet, which were all bare. They were cold—they felt like marble, but I recognized them. It grew darker. I turned to retrace my steps but soon realized I had wandered into a small chapel. I felt around, looking for the door. Everything I touched belonged to the dead. My hands brushed against the cold effigy of a knight lying with his legs crossed and his sword broken beside him. He lay in noble rest while I continued to struggle. I reached for his left hand and a certain finger; there I found the ring I recognized: he was one of my ancestors. I was in the chapel above my family’s burial vault. I called out, “If any of the dead are moving here, have mercy on me, for I, alas! am still alive; and let a dead woman comfort me, for I am a stranger in this land of the dead, and see no light.” A warm kiss touched my lips through the darkness. And I said, “The dead kiss well; I won’t be afraid.” Then a large hand reached out from the dark and clasped mine briefly, powerfully and gently. I thought to myself: “The veil between us, though very dark, is very thin.”

Groping my way further, I stumbled over the heavy stone that covered the entrance of the vault: and, in stumbling, descried upon the stone the mark, glowing in red fire. I caught the great ring. All my effort could not have moved the huge slab; but it opened the door of the cottage, and I threw myself once more, pale and speechless, on the couch beside the ancient dame. She sang once more:

Groping my way further, I tripped over the heavy stone that covered the entrance of the vault: and as I stumbled, I saw the mark glowing in red fire on the stone. I grabbed the big ring. No amount of effort could move the massive slab; but it opened the door of the cottage, and I collapsed again, pale and speechless, on the couch next to the old woman. She sang once more:

Thou dreamest: on a rock thou art,
    High o’er the broken wave;
Thou fallest with a fearful start
    But not into thy grave;
For, waking in the morning’s light,
Thou smilest at the vanished night

So wilt thou sink, all pale and dumb,
    Into the fainting gloom;
But ere the coming terrors come,
    Thou wak’st—where is the tomb?
Thou wak’st—the dead ones smile above,
With hovering arms of sleepless love.

You dream: on a rock you are,
    High above the crashing waves;
You fall with a terrified start
    But not into your grave;
For, waking in the morning light,
You smile at the vanished night.

So you will sink, all pale and silent,
    Into the fading gloom;
But before the coming terrors arrive,
    You wake—where is the tomb?
You wake—the dead ones smile above,
With hovering arms of endless love.

She paused; then sang again:

She paused, then sang again:

We weep for gladness, weep for grief;
    The tears they are the same;
We sigh for longing, and relief;
    The sighs have but one name,

And mingled in the dying strife,
    Are moans that are not sad
The pangs of death are throbs of life,
    Its sighs are sometimes glad.

The face is very strange and white:
    It is Earth’s only spot
That feebly flickers back the light
    The living seeth not.

We cry out of joy, we cry out of sorrow;
    The tears are all the same;
We sigh from desire and from relief;
    The sighs share one name,

And mixed in the fading struggle,
    Are moans that aren’t sad
The pain of death is a pulse of life,
    Its sighs can sometimes be glad.

The face looks very strange and pale:
    It’s the only place on Earth
That weakly reflects the light
    That the living cannot see.

I fell asleep, and slept a dreamless sleep, for I know not how long. When I awoke, I found that my hostess had moved from where she had been sitting, and now sat between me and the fourth door.

I fell asleep and had a dreamless sleep for I don’t know how long. When I woke up, I saw that my hostess had moved from where she was sitting and was now sitting between me and the fourth door.

I guessed that her design was to prevent my entering there. I sprang from the couch, and darted past her to the door. I opened it at once and went out. All I remember is a cry of distress from the woman: “Don’t go there, my child! Don’t go there!” But I was gone.

I figured she was trying to keep me from going in there. I jumped off the couch and rushed past her to the door. I opened it right away and stepped outside. All I remember is the woman crying out in panic: “Don’t go there, my child! Don’t go there!” But I was already gone.

I knew nothing more; or, if I did, I had forgot it all when I awoke to consciousness, lying on the floor of the cottage, with my head in the lap of the woman, who was weeping over me, and stroking my hair with both hands, talking to me as a mother might talk to a sick and sleeping, or a dead child. As soon as I looked up and saw her, she smiled through her tears; smiled with withered face and young eyes, till her countenance was irradiated with the light of the smile. Then she bathed my head and face and hands in an icy cold, colourless liquid, which smelt a little of damp earth. Immediately I was able to sit up. She rose and put some food before me. When I had eaten, she said: “Listen to me, my child. You must leave me directly!”

I didn’t know anything else; or if I did, I had forgotten it all when I woke up, lying on the floor of the cottage, with my head in the lap of the woman who was crying over me, stroking my hair with both hands, and talking to me like a mother would to a sick, sleeping, or dead child. As soon as I looked up and saw her, she smiled through her tears; a smile coming from her wrinkled face and youthful eyes, lighting up her expression. Then she washed my head, face, and hands with a cold, clear liquid that smelled a bit like damp earth. Immediately, I was able to sit up. She stood up and put some food in front of me. After I had eaten, she said: “Listen to me, my child. You need to leave me right away!”

“Leave you!” I said. “I am so happy with you. I never was so happy in my life.”

“Leave you!” I said. “I'm so happy with you. I’ve never been this happy in my life.”

“But you must go,” she rejoined sadly. “Listen! What do you hear?”

“But you have to go,” she replied sadly. “Listen! What do you hear?”

“I hear the sound as of a great throbbing of water.”

“I hear a deep, pulsing sound of water.”

“Ah! you do hear it? Well, I had to go through that door—the door of the Timeless” (and she shuddered as she pointed to the fourth door)—“to find you; for if I had not gone, you would never have entered again; and because I went, the waters around my cottage will rise and rise, and flow and come, till they build a great firmament of waters over my dwelling. But as long as I keep my fire burning, they cannot enter. I have fuel enough for years; and after one year they will sink away again, and be just as they were before you came. I have not been buried for a hundred years now.” And she smiled and wept.

“Ah! You can hear it? Well, I had to go through that door—the door of the Timeless” (and she shuddered as she pointed to the fourth door)—“to find you; because if I hadn’t gone, you would never have come back in; and because I went, the waters around my cottage will keep rising, flowing and coming, until they create a huge expanse of water over my home. But as long as I keep my fire burning, they can’t get in. I have enough fuel for years; and after one year, they will sink away again and be just like they were before you arrived. I haven’t been buried for a hundred years now.” And she smiled and cried.

“Alas! alas!” I cried. “I have brought this evil on the best and kindest of friends, who has filled my heart with great gifts.”

“Oh no! Oh no!” I cried. “I have brought this trouble upon the best and kindest friend, who has filled my heart with wonderful gifts.”

“Do not think of that,” she rejoined. “I can bear it very well. You will come back to me some day, I know. But I beg you, for my sake, my dear child, to do one thing. In whatever sorrow you may be, however inconsolable and irremediable it may appear, believe me that the old woman in the cottage, with the young eyes” (and she smiled), “knows something, though she must not always tell it, that would quite satisfy you about it, even in the worst moments of your distress. Now you must go.”

“Don’t think about that,” she replied. “I can handle it just fine. I know you’ll come back to me someday. But please, for my sake, my dear child, do one thing. No matter what sorrow you’re facing, no matter how hopeless it seems, believe me when I say that the old woman in the cottage, with the young eyes” (and she smiled), “knows something that she can't always share, but it would really comfort you, even in your toughest moments. Now you have to go.”

“But how can I go, if the waters are all about, and if the doors all lead into other regions and other worlds?”

“But how can I leave when the waters are everywhere, and the doors all open into different places and other worlds?”

“This is not an island,” she replied; “but is joined to the land by a narrow neck; and for the door, I will lead you myself through the right one.”

“This isn’t an island,” she replied; “it’s connected to the land by a narrow strip, and I’ll personally guide you through the correct entrance.”

She took my hand, and led me through the third door; whereupon I found myself standing in the deep grassy turf on which I had landed from the little boat, but upon the opposite side of the cottage. She pointed out the direction I must take, to find the isthmus and escape the rising waters.

She took my hand and led me through the third door, and I found myself standing on the deep grassy ground where I had landed from the little boat, but on the opposite side of the cottage. She showed me which way to go to find the isthmus and escape the rising waters.

Then putting her arms around me, she held me to her bosom; and as I kissed her, I felt as if I were leaving my mother for the first time, and could not help weeping bitterly. At length she gently pushed me away, and with the words, “Go, my son, and do something worth doing,” turned back, and, entering the cottage, closed the door behind her. I felt very desolate as I went.

Then she wrapped her arms around me and held me close; as I kissed her, it felt like I was leaving my mother for the first time, and I couldn't help but cry hard. Finally, she gently pushed me away and said, “Go, my son, and do something meaningful,” then turned back and entered the cottage, closing the door behind her. I felt really alone as I walked away.

CHAPTER XX

“Thou hadst no fame; that which thou didst like good
Was but thy appetite that swayed thy blood
For that time to the best; for as a blast
That through a house comes, usually doth cast
Things out of order, yet by chance may come
And blow some one thing to his proper room,
So did thy appetite, and not thy zeal,
Sway thee by chance to do some one thing well.”
          FLETCHER’S Faithful Shepherdess.

“The noble hart that harbours vertuous thought
And is with childe of glorious great intent,
Can never rest, until it forth have brought
Th’ eternall brood of glorie excellent.”
          SPENSER, The Faerie Queene.

“You had no fame; what you truly enjoyed
Was just your desires that influenced your actions
For that moment to the best; for like a gust
That sweeps through a house, often it disrupts
Things out of place, yet may randomly bring
One thing back to its proper spot,
So did your desires, and not your passion,
Influence you by chance to accomplish one thing well.”
          FLETCHER’S Faithful Shepherdess.

“The noble heart that holds virtuous thoughts
And is pregnant with glorious great intent,
Can never rest, until it has produced
The eternal offspring of excellent glory.”
          SPENSER, The Faerie Queene.

I had not gone very far before I felt that the turf beneath my feet was soaked with the rising waters. But I reached the isthmus in safety. It was rocky, and so much higher than the level of the peninsula, that I had plenty of time to cross. I saw on each side of me the water rising rapidly, altogether without wind, or violent motion, or broken waves, but as if a slow strong fire were glowing beneath it. Ascending a steep acclivity, I found myself at last in an open, rocky country. After travelling for some hours, as nearly in a straight line as I could, I arrived at a lonely tower, built on the top of a little hill, which overlooked the whole neighbouring country. As I approached, I heard the clang of an anvil; and so rapid were the blows, that I despaired of making myself heard till a pause in the work should ensue. It was some minutes before a cessation took place; but when it did, I knocked loudly, and had not long to wait; for, a moment after, the door was partly opened by a noble-looking youth, half-undressed, glowing with heat, and begrimed with the blackness of the forge. In one hand he held a sword, so lately from the furnace that it yet shone with a dull fire. As soon as he saw me, he threw the door wide open, and standing aside, invited me very cordially to enter. I did so; when he shut and bolted the door most carefully, and then led the way inwards. He brought me into a rude hall, which seemed to occupy almost the whole of the ground floor of the little tower, and which I saw was now being used as a workshop. A huge fire roared on the hearth, beside which was an anvil. By the anvil stood, in similar undress, and in a waiting attitude, hammer in hand, a second youth, tall as the former, but far more slightly built. Reversing the usual course of perception in such meetings, I thought them, at first sight, very unlike; and at the second glance, knew that they were brothers. The former, and apparently the elder, was muscular and dark, with curling hair, and large hazel eyes, which sometimes grew wondrously soft. The second was slender and fair, yet with a countenance like an eagle, and an eye which, though pale blue, shone with an almost fierce expression. He stood erect, as if looking from a lofty mountain crag, over a vast plain outstretched below. As soon as we entered the hall, the elder turned to me, and I saw that a glow of satisfaction shone on both their faces. To my surprise and great pleasure, he addressed me thus:

I hadn't gone far when I realized the ground beneath my feet was soaked from the rising waters. However, I safely made it to the isthmus. It was rocky and much higher than the peninsula, giving me plenty of time to cross. I noticed the water rising quickly on either side of me, completely still, without wind or violent motion, as if a slow, intense heat was radiating from below. Climbing a steep rise, I eventually found myself in an open, rocky area. After traveling for a few hours, trying to go in a straight line as much as possible, I arrived at a lonely tower perched on a small hill that overlooked the entire surrounding area. As I got closer, I heard the sound of an anvil clanging; the blows were so rapid that I thought I wouldn't be able to make myself heard until the work paused. It took several minutes before there was a break, but when it finally happened, I knocked loudly and didn’t have to wait long; a moment later, the door was partially opened by a distinguished-looking young man, half-dressed, glowing from the heat, and covered in the black soot of the forge. In one hand, he held a sword that was still glowing faintly from the furnace. As soon as he spotted me, he swung the door wide open and stepped aside, warmly inviting me to come in. I entered, and he carefully shut and bolted the door before leading me further inside. He brought me into a rough hall that seemed to take up almost the entire ground floor of the small tower, now being used as a workshop. A huge fire roared in the hearth next to an anvil. Beside the anvil stood another young man, similarly undressed and poised with a hammer in hand. He was as tall as the first but much slighter. Defying the usual expectations in such encounters, I thought they looked quite different at first glance, but on a second look, I realized they were brothers. The first, who seemed older, was muscular and dark, with curly hair and large hazel eyes that sometimes appeared remarkably soft. The second was slender and fair, yet had a face like an eagle and a pale blue eye that shone with an almost fierce intensity. He stood tall, as if gazing from a high mountain crag over a vast plain below. As soon as we entered the hall, the elder turned to me, and I noticed a look of satisfaction on both their faces. To my surprise and delight, he addressed me with these words:

“Brother, will you sit by the fire and rest, till we finish this part of our work?”

“Hey, brother, will you come sit by the fire and take a break until we finish this part of our work?”

I signified my assent; and, resolved to await any disclosure they might be inclined to make, seated myself in silence near the hearth.

I nodded in agreement and, determined to wait for any information they might want to share, sat quietly by the fire.

The elder brother then laid the sword in the fire, covered it well over, and when it had attained a sufficient degree of heat, drew it out and laid it on the anvil, moving it carefully about, while the younger, with a succession of quick smart blows, appeared either to be welding it, or hammering one part of it to a consenting shape with the rest. Having finished, they laid it carefully in the fire; and, when it was very hot indeed, plunged it into a vessel full of some liquid, whence a blue flame sprang upwards, as the glowing steel entered.

The older brother then placed the sword in the fire, covering it completely. When it was hot enough, he pulled it out and set it on the anvil, moving it around carefully while the younger brother delivered a series of quick, sharp blows, either welding it or shaping one part to match the rest. Once they finished, they carefully placed it back in the fire, and when it was really hot, they plunged it into a container filled with liquid, creating a blue flame that shot up as the glowing steel submerged.

There they left it; and drawing two stools to the fire, sat down, one on each side of me.

There they left it; and pulling up two stools to the fire, they sat down, one on each side of me.

“We are very glad to see you, brother. We have been expecting you for some days,” said the dark-haired youth.

“We're really happy to see you, brother. We’ve been looking forward to your arrival for a few days,” said the dark-haired young man.

“I am proud to be called your brother,” I rejoined; “and you will not think I refuse the name, if I desire to know why you honour me with it?”

“I’m proud to be called your brother,” I replied; “and you won’t think I’m refusing the title if I want to know why you honor me with it?”

“Ah! then he does not know about it,” said the younger. “We thought you had known of the bond betwixt us, and the work we have to do together. You must tell him, brother, from the first.”

“Ah! So he doesn't know about it,” said the younger. “We thought you had informed him about our bond and the work we need to do together. You have to tell him, brother, right from the beginning.”

So the elder began:

So the elder started:

“Our father is king of this country. Before we were born, three giant brothers had appeared in the land. No one knew exactly when, and no one had the least idea whence they came. They took possession of a ruined castle that had stood unchanged and unoccupied within the memory of any of the country people. The vaults of this castle had remained uninjured by time, and these, I presume, they made use of at first. They were rarely seen, and never offered the least injury to any one; so that they were regarded in the neighbourhood as at least perfectly harmless, if not rather benevolent beings. But it began to be observed, that the old castle had assumed somehow or other, no one knew when or how, a somewhat different look from what it used to have. Not only were several breaches in the lower part of the walls built up, but actually some of the battlements which yet stood, had been repaired, apparently to prevent them from falling into worse decay, while the more important parts were being restored. Of course, every one supposed the giants must have a hand in the work, but no one ever saw them engaged in it. The peasants became yet more uneasy, after one, who had concealed himself, and watched all night, in the neighbourhood of the castle, reported that he had seen, in full moonlight, the three huge giants working with might and main, all night long, restoring to their former position some massive stones, formerly steps of a grand turnpike stair, a great portion of which had long since fallen, along with part of the wall of the round tower in which it had been built. This wall they were completing, foot by foot, along with the stair. But the people said they had no just pretext for interfering: although the real reason for letting the giants alone was, that everybody was far too much afraid of them to interrupt them.

“Our father is the king of this country. Before we were born, three giant brothers appeared in the land. No one knew exactly when they arrived, and no one had the slightest idea where they came from. They took over a ruined castle that had remained unchanged and unoccupied for as long as anyone in the area could remember. The vaults of this castle had stayed intact over time, and I assume they used them at first. They were rarely seen and never harmed anyone, so they were considered in the neighborhood to be at least harmless, if not somewhat friendly. However, people began to notice that the old castle had taken on a different look, though no one knew exactly when or how that happened. Not only were many gaps in the lower walls repaired, but some of the remaining battlements were also fixed up, seemingly to prevent further decay while the more significant sections were restored. Of course, everyone assumed the giants were involved in the work, but no one ever saw them doing it. The villagers grew even more uneasy after one man, who had hidden and watched all night near the castle, reported that he had seen the three massive giants working hard under the full moon, tirelessly putting back into place some massive stones that used to be steps of a grand staircase, a large part of which had long since fallen, along with part of the wall of the round tower that housed it. They were completing this wall, bit by bit, along with the staircase. However, people said they had no valid reason to interfere, even though the real reason for leaving the giants alone was that everyone was far too scared of them to interrupt.”

“At length, with the help of a neighbouring quarry, the whole of the external wall of the castle was finished. And now the country folks were in greater fear than before. But for several years the giants remained very peaceful. The reason of this was afterwards supposed to be the fact, that they were distantly related to several good people in the country; for, as long as these lived, they remained quiet; but as soon as they were all dead the real nature of the giants broke out. Having completed the outside of their castle, they proceeded, by spoiling the country houses around them, to make a quiet luxurious provision for their comfort within. Affairs reached such a pass, that the news of their robberies came to my father’s ears; but he, alas! was so crippled in his resources, by a war he was carrying on with a neighbouring prince, that he could only spare a very few men, to attempt the capture of their stronghold. Upon these the giants issued in the night, and slew every man of them. And now, grown bolder by success and impunity, they no longer confined their depredations to property, but began to seize the persons of their distinguished neighbours, knights and ladies, and hold them in durance, the misery of which was heightened by all manner of indignity, until they were redeemed by their friends, at an exorbitant ransom. Many knights have adventured their overthrow, but to their own instead; for they have all been slain, or captured, or forced to make a hasty retreat. To crown their enormities, if any man now attempts their destruction, they, immediately upon his defeat, put one or more of their captives to a shameful death, on a turret in sight of all passers-by; so that they have been much less molested of late; and we, although we have burned, for years, to attack these demons and destroy them, dared not, for the sake of their captives, risk the adventure, before we should have reached at least our earliest manhood. Now, however, we are preparing for the attempt; and the grounds of this preparation are these. Having only the resolution, and not the experience necessary for the undertaking, we went and consulted a lonely woman of wisdom, who lives not very far from here, in the direction of the quarter from which you have come. She received us most kindly, and gave us what seems to us the best of advice. She first inquired what experience we had had in arms. We told her we had been well exercised from our boyhood, and for some years had kept ourselves in constant practice, with a view to this necessity.

“At last, with the help of a nearby quarry, they completed the entire external wall of the castle. The local villagers were now more afraid than ever. However, for several years, the giants stayed surprisingly peaceful. It was later thought that this was because they were distantly related to some good people in the area; as long as those good folks remained alive, the giants kept to themselves. But once they all died, the true nature of the giants emerged. After finishing the outside of their castle, the giants started to plunder the nearby country houses to create a comfortable life for themselves within their walls. Things got so bad that my father heard about their robberies; unfortunately, he was struggling in a war against a neighboring prince and could only spare a few men to try and capture the giants’ stronghold. The giants attacked them at night and killed every one of them. Now, emboldened by their success and lack of consequences, they didn’t just rob anymore; they began kidnapping their noble neighbors—knights and ladies—and held them captive, subjecting them to all kinds of indignities until their friends paid huge ransoms for their release. Many knights have tried to take them down, but instead, they ended up dead, captured, or forced to flee. To make matters worse, if anyone attempts to fight them and fails, the giants kill one or more of their captives in a humiliating way on a tower for all to see. Because of this, they’ve been less troubled lately; we have longed to attack these monsters and destroy them, but we couldn’t risk it for the sake of their captives until we reached at least early adulthood. Now, however, we are preparing for our attempt; here’s why. Lacking experience for this undertaking, we sought the advice of a wise woman who lives not far from here, in the direction you came from. She welcomed us warmly and gave us what we think is the best advice. She first asked about our experience with weapons. We told her that we had trained well since childhood and had been practicing constantly for this very need.”

“‘But you have not actually fought for life and death?’ said she.

“‘But you haven't really fought for your life or death?’ she asked.

“We were forced to confess we had not.

“We had to admit that we hadn’t.”

“‘So much the better in some respects,’ she replied. ‘Now listen to me. Go first and work with an armourer, for as long time as you find needful to obtain a knowledge of his craft; which will not be long, seeing your hearts will be all in the work. Then go to some lonely tower, you two alone. Receive no visits from man or woman. There forge for yourselves every piece of armour that you wish to wear, or to use, in your coming encounter. And keep up your exercises. As, however, two of you can be no match for the three giants, I will find you, if I can, a third brother, who will take on himself the third share of the fight, and the preparation. Indeed, I have already seen one who will, I think, be the very man for your fellowship, but it will be some time before he comes to me. He is wandering now without an aim. I will show him to you in a glass, and, when he comes, you will know him at once. If he will share your endeavours, you must teach him all you know, and he will repay you well, in present song, and in future deeds.’

“‘That’s actually better in some ways,’ she said. ‘Now listen to me. First, go work with a blacksmith for as long as you need to learn his craft. It won’t take you long since you’ll be fully committed to the work. Then go to a lonely tower, just the two of you. Don’t accept any visitors, man or woman. There, create all the armor you want to wear or use in your upcoming battle. And keep up your training. However, since the two of you can’t handle the three giants on your own, I’ll try to find you a third brother to share in the fight and the preparation. In fact, I’ve already seen someone who I think will fit perfectly into your group, but it will take some time before he comes to me. He’s wandering aimlessly right now. I’ll show you his reflection in a mirror, and when he arrives, you’ll recognize him immediately. If he’s willing to join your efforts, you must teach him everything you know, and he will repay you well, both with songs now and with deeds in the future.’”

“She opened the door of a curious old cabinet that stood in the room. On the inside of this door was an oval convex mirror. Looking in it for some time, we at length saw reflected the place where we stood, and the old dame seated in her chair. Our forms were not reflected. But at the feet of the dame lay a young man, yourself, weeping.

“She opened the door of a strange old cabinet that was in the room. Inside this door was a round, bulging mirror. After looking in it for a while, we finally saw reflected the place where we were standing, and the old lady sitting in her chair. Our figures were not reflected. But at the feet of the lady lay a young man, you, crying.

“‘Surely this youth will not serve our ends,’ said I, ‘for he weeps.’

“‘Surely this young man won't help us,’ I said, ‘because he's crying.’”

“The old woman smiled. ‘Past tears are present strength,’ said she.

The old woman smiled. “What you cried over in the past makes you strong now,” she said.

“‘Oh!’ said my brother, ‘I saw you weep once over an eagle you shot.’

“‘Oh!’ my brother said, ‘I saw you cry once over an eagle you shot.’”

“‘That was because it was so like you, brother,’ I replied; ‘but indeed, this youth may have better cause for tears than that—I was wrong.’

“‘That was because it was so like you, brother,’ I replied; ‘but honestly, this young man might have more reason to cry than that—I was mistaken.’”

“‘Wait a while,’ said the woman; ‘if I mistake not, he will make you weep till your tears are dry for ever. Tears are the only cure for weeping. And you may have need of the cure, before you go forth to fight the giants. You must wait for him, in your tower, till he comes.’

“‘Just wait a bit,’ the woman said; ‘if I’m not wrong, he’ll make you cry until you can’t cry anymore. Tears are the only remedy for sadness. And you might need that remedy before you go out to battle the giants. You need to wait for him in your tower until he arrives.’”

“Now if you will join us, we will soon teach you to make your armour; and we will fight together, and work together, and love each other as never three loved before. And you will sing to us, will you not?”

“Now if you join us, we’ll teach you how to make your armor soon; we’ll fight together, work together, and love each other like three people have never loved before. And you’ll sing for us, right?”

“That I will, when I can,” I answered; “but it is only at times that the power of song comes upon me. For that I must wait; but I have a feeling that if I work well, song will not be far off to enliven the labour.”

"Sure, I will, when I can," I replied; "but the ability to sing only hits me sometimes. I have to wait for that, but I have a sense that if I put in good effort, music will soon be there to make the work more enjoyable."

This was all the compact made: the brothers required nothing more, and I did not think of giving anything more. I rose, and threw off my upper garments.

This was all the agreement made: the brothers wanted nothing more, and I didn’t plan on giving anything extra. I got up and took off my outer clothing.

“I know the uses of the sword,” I said. “I am ashamed of my white hands beside yours so nobly soiled and hard; but that shame will soon be wiped away.”

“I know what the sword is for,” I said. “I’m embarrassed by my clean hands next to yours, which are honorably worn and tough; but that embarrassment will soon be gone.”

“No, no; we will not work to-day. Rest is as needful as toil. Bring the wine, brother; it is your turn to serve to-day.”

“No, no; we’re not working today. Rest is just as important as hard work. Bring the wine, brother; it's your turn to serve today.”

The younger brother soon covered a table with rough viands, but good wine; and we ate and drank heartily, beside our work. Before the meal was over, I had learned all their story. Each had something in his heart which made the conviction, that he would victoriously perish in the coming conflict, a real sorrow to him. Otherwise they thought they would have lived enough. The causes of their trouble were respectively these:

The younger brother quickly set a table with simple food but good wine, and we ate and drank heartily while working. By the time we finished the meal, I had learned their whole story. Each of them had something on their mind that made the belief they would bravely die in the upcoming fight genuinely sad for them. Otherwise, they felt they had lived enough. The reasons for their troubles were as follows:

While they wrought with an armourer, in a city famed for workmanship in steel and silver, the elder had fallen in love with a lady as far beneath him in real rank, as she was above the station he had as apprentice to an armourer. Nor did he seek to further his suit by discovering himself; but there was simply so much manhood about him, that no one ever thought of rank when in his company. This is what his brother said about it. The lady could not help loving him in return. He told her when he left her, that he had a perilous adventure before him, and that when it was achieved, she would either see him return to claim her, or hear that he had died with honour. The younger brother’s grief arose from the fact, that, if they were both slain, his old father, the king, would be childless. His love for his father was so exceeding, that to one unable to sympathise with it, it would have appeared extravagant. Both loved him equally at heart; but the love of the younger had been more developed, because his thoughts and anxieties had not been otherwise occupied. When at home, he had been his constant companion; and, of late, had ministered to the infirmities of his growing age. The youth was never weary of listening to the tales of his sire’s youthful adventures; and had not yet in the smallest degree lost the conviction, that his father was the greatest man in the world. The grandest triumph possible to his conception was, to return to his father, laden with the spoils of one of the hated giants. But they both were in some dread, lest the thought of the loneliness of these two might occur to them, in the moment when decision was most necessary, and disturb, in some degree, the self-possession requisite for the success of their attempt. For, as I have said, they were yet untried in actual conflict. “Now,” thought I, “I see to what the powers of my gift must minister.” For my own part, I did not dread death, for I had nothing to care to live for; but I dreaded the encounter because of the responsibility connected with it. I resolved however to work hard, and thus grow cool, and quick, and forceful.

While they worked with a weaponsmith in a city known for its craftsmanship in metal and silver, the older brother had fallen in love with a woman who was of a much lower social status than he was, yet she was far above him in terms of her position compared to his role as an apprentice. He didn't try to win her over by revealing his identity; he had so much character and strength that no one thought about social status when they were around him. This is what his brother said about it. The woman couldn’t help but fall for him in return. When he said goodbye, he told her he had a dangerous journey ahead, and that when it was over, she would either see him come back to claim her or hear news of his noble death. The younger brother's sadness came from the fact that if they both died, their father, the king, would be left without children. His love for his father was so deep that it might have seemed excessive to someone who couldn’t understand it. They both loved him equally in their hearts, but the younger brother’s love was more pronounced because he had been focused on it without many other distractions. At home, he had always been his father’s companion and had recently cared for him as he aged. The young man never tired of hearing stories about his father’s youthful adventures and still firmly believed that his father was the greatest man in the world. The most heroic victory he could imagine was returning to his father with the spoils from one of the dreaded giants. However, both of them were somewhat anxious that the thought of being alone might hit them at the moment they needed to make a decision, potentially disrupting the calmness required for their mission to succeed. As I mentioned, they hadn’t yet faced real combat. “Now,” I thought, “I understand what my abilities must be used for.” For myself, I didn’t fear death, since I had nothing to live for; but I worried about the confrontation because of the responsibility it entailed. Still, I resolved to work hard so that I could become calm, quick, and strong.

The time passed away in work and song, in talk and ramble, in friendly fight and brotherly aid. I would not forge for myself armour of heavy mail like theirs, for I was not so powerful as they, and depended more for any success I might secure, upon nimbleness of motion, certainty of eye, and ready response of hand. Therefore I began to make for myself a shirt of steel plates and rings; which work, while more troublesome, was better suited to me than the heavier labour. Much assistance did the brothers give me, even after, by their instructions, I was able to make some progress alone. Their work was in a moment abandoned, to render any required aid to mine. As the old woman had promised, I tried to repay them with song; and many were the tears they both shed over my ballads and dirges. The songs they liked best to hear were two which I made for them. They were not half so good as many others I knew, especially some I had learned from the wise woman in the cottage; but what comes nearest to our needs we like the best.

Time flew by in work and song, in conversations and strolls, in friendly battles and brotherly help. I wouldn’t make myself heavy armor like theirs, because I wasn’t as strong and relied more on quick movements, good aim, and quick reflexes for any success I might achieve. So I started creating a shirt made of steel plates and rings; this task, while more challenging, suited me better than the heavier work. The brothers helped me a lot, even after I could make some progress on my own thanks to their guidance. They instantly stopped their work to help me whenever I needed it. As the old woman had promised, I tried to repay them with songs, and they both shed many tears over my ballads and dirges. The songs they enjoyed hearing the most were two I made for them. They weren’t nearly as good as many others I knew, especially some I had learned from the wise woman in the cottage; but we tend to like what resonates most with our needs.

I

I

The king sat on his throne
    Glowing in gold and red;
The crown in his right hand shone,
    And the gray hairs crowned his head.

His only son walks in,
    And in walls of steel he stands:
Make me, O father, strong to win,
    With the blessing of holy hands.”

He knelt before his sire,
    Who blessed him with feeble smile
His eyes shone out with a kingly fire,
    But his old lips quivered the while.

“Go to the fight, my son,
    Bring back the giant’s head;
And the crown with which my brows have done,
    Shall glitter on thine instead.”

“My father, I seek no crowns,
    But unspoken praise from thee;
For thy people’s good, and thy renown,
    I will die to set them free.”

The king sat down and waited there,
    And rose not, night nor day;
Till a sound of shouting filled the air,
    And cries of a sore dismay.

Then like a king he sat once more,
    With the crown upon his head;
And up to the throne the people bore
    A mighty giant dead.

And up to the throne the people bore
    A pale and lifeless boy.
The king rose up like a prophet of yore,
    In a lofty, deathlike joy.

He put the crown on the chilly brow:
    “Thou should’st have reigned with me
But Death is the king of both, and now
    I go to obey with thee.

“Surely some good in me there lay,
    To beget the noble one.”
The old man smiled like a winter day,
    And fell beside his son.

The king sat on his throne
Glowing in gold and red;
The crown in his right hand sparkled,
And gray hairs adorned his head.

His only son walked in,
Standing strong among walls of steel:
“Make me, O father, strong to win,
With the blessing of your holy hands.”

He knelt before his father,
Who blessed him with a weak smile.
His eyes burned with a kingly fire,
But his old lips trembled all the while.

“Go into battle, my son,
Bring back the giant’s head;
And the crown that has rested on my brow,
Shall shine on yours instead.”

“My father, I seek no crowns,
Just unspoken praise from you;
For your people's good and your honor,
I will fight to set them free.”

The king sat down and waited there,
Without rising, night or day;
Until the air was filled with shouts,
And calls of deep dismay.

Then, like a king, he sat once more,
With the crown upon his head;
And the people carried up to the throne
A mighty giant, dead.

And to the throne, they carried
A pale and lifeless boy.
The king rose like a prophet of old,
In a grand, deathlike joy.

He placed the crown on the cold brow:
“You should have reigned with me;
But Death is the ruler of us both, and now
I will go to join you.

“Surely, some good in me must have existed,
To bring forth the noble one.”
The old man smiled like a winter's day,
And fell beside his son.

II

II

“O lady, thy lover is dead,” they cried;
    “He is dead, but hath slain the foe;
He hath left his name to be magnified
    In a song of wonder and woe.”

“Alas! I am well repaid,” said she,
    “With a pain that stings like joy:
For I feared, from his tenderness to me,
    That he was but a feeble boy.

“Now I shall hold my head on high,
    The queen among my kind;
If ye hear a sound, ‘tis only a sigh
    For a glory left behind.”

“O lady, your lover is dead,” they said;
    “He is gone, but he has defeated the enemy;
He has left his name to be celebrated
    In a song of awe and sorrow.”

“Alas! I am truly repaid,” she replied,
    “With a pain that feels like joy:
For I feared, because of his kindness to me,
    That he was just a weak boy.

“Now I will hold my head high,
    The queen among my people;
If you hear a sound, it’s just a sigh
    For a glory left behind.”

The first three times I sang these songs they both wept passionately. But after the third time, they wept no more. Their eyes shone, and their faces grew pale, but they never wept at any of my songs again.

The first three times I sang these songs, they both cried intensely. But after the third time, they stopped crying. Their eyes sparkled, and their faces turned pale, but they never cried at any of my songs again.

CHAPTER XXI

“I put my life in my hands.”
          The Book of Judges.

“I put my life in my hands.”
          The Book of Judges.

At length, with much toil and equal delight, our armour was finished. We armed each other, and tested the strength of the defence, with many blows of loving force. I was inferior in strength to both my brothers, but a little more agile than either; and upon this agility, joined to precision in hitting with the point of my weapon, I grounded my hopes of success in the ensuing combat. I likewise laboured to develop yet more the keenness of sight with which I was naturally gifted; and, from the remarks of my companions, I soon learned that my endeavours were not in vain.

Finally, after a lot of hard work and equal joy, our armor was ready. We suited each other up and tested the strength of the defense, exchanging many affectionate blows. I was weaker than both my brothers, but a bit more agile than either of them; and it was this agility, combined with my accuracy in striking with the tip of my weapon, that gave me hope for success in the upcoming battle. I also worked hard to further improve my natural sharpness of vision; and from my companions' comments, I quickly realized that my efforts were paying off.

The morning arrived on which we had determined to make the attempt, and succeed or perish—perhaps both. We had resolved to fight on foot; knowing that the mishap of many of the knights who had made the attempt, had resulted from the fright of their horses at the appearance of the giants; and believing with Sir Gawain, that, though mare’s sons might be false to us, the earth would never prove a traitor. But most of our preparations were, in their immediate aim at least, frustrated.

The morning came when we decided to go for it, ready to succeed or fail—maybe both. We chose to fight on foot, knowing that many knights had failed because their horses were scared by the giants, and believing with Sir Gawain that while men might betray us, the ground would never let us down. But most of our preparations, at least in their direct purpose, were thwarted.

We rose, that fatal morning, by daybreak. We had rested from all labour the day before, and now were fresh as the lark. We bathed in cold spring water, and dressed ourselves in clean garments, with a sense of preparation, as for a solemn festivity. When we had broken our fast, I took an old lyre, which I had found in the tower and had myself repaired, and sung for the last time the two ballads of which I have said so much already. I followed them with this, for a closing song:

We got up that fateful morning at dawn. We had taken a break from all work the day before and now felt as refreshed as the morning bird. We bathed in cold spring water and put on clean clothes, feeling like we were getting ready for a serious celebration. After we finished breakfast, I picked up an old lyre that I had found in the tower and fixed up myself, and I sang for the last time the two ballads I’ve mentioned before. I followed them with this closing song:

Oh, well for him who breaks his dream
    With the blow that ends the strife
And, waking, knows the peace that flows
    Around the pain of life!

We are dead, my brothers! Our bodies clasp,
    As an armour, our souls about;
This hand is the battle-axe I grasp,
    And this my hammer stout.

Fear not, my brothers, for we are dead;
    No noise can break our rest;
The calm of the grave is about the head,
    And the heart heaves not the breast.

And our life we throw to our people back,
    To live with, a further store;
We leave it them, that there be no lack
    In the land where we live no more.

Oh, well for him who breaks his dream
    With the blow that ends the strife
And, waking, knows the peace that flows
    Around the noise of life!

Oh, good for the one who shatters his dream
    With the strike that ends the battle
And, waking, feels the peace that surrounds
    The struggles of life!

We are gone, my brothers! Our bodies are entwined,
    Like armor, our souls are intertwined;
This hand is the battle-axe I hold,
    And this is my sturdy hammer.

Don’t worry, my brothers, for we are gone;
    No sound can disturb our rest;
The stillness of the grave is around our heads,
    And our hearts no longer beat.

And we give our life back to our people,
    So they can carry on with it;
We leave it for them, to ensure there's no shortage
    In the land where we no longer live.

Oh, good for the one who shatters his dream
    With the strike that ends the battle
And, waking, feels the peace that surrounds
    The noise of life!

As the last few tones of the instrument were following, like a dirge, the death of the song, we all sprang to our feet. For, through one of the little windows of the tower, towards which I had looked as I sang, I saw, suddenly rising over the edge of the slope on which our tower stood, three enormous heads. The brothers knew at once, by my looks, what caused my sudden movement. We were utterly unarmed, and there was no time to arm.

As the last few notes of the instrument faded away like a mournful tune, signaling the end of the song, we all jumped to our feet. Through one of the small windows of the tower, which I had been facing as I sang, I suddenly saw three massive heads rising over the edge of the slope where our tower stood. My brothers immediately understood, just by looking at me, what had triggered my sudden reaction. We were completely unarmed, and there was no time to grab weapons.

But we seemed to adopt the same resolution simultaneously; for each caught up his favourite weapon, and, leaving his defence behind, sprang to the door. I snatched up a long rapier, abruptly, but very finely pointed, in my sword-hand, and in the other a sabre; the elder brother seized his heavy battle-axe; and the younger, a great, two-handed sword, which he wielded in one hand like a feather. We had just time to get clear of the tower, embrace and say good-bye, and part to some little distance, that we might not encumber each other’s motions, ere the triple giant-brotherhood drew near to attack us. They were about twice our height, and armed to the teeth. Through the visors of their helmets their monstrous eyes shone with a horrible ferocity. I was in the middle position, and the middle giant approached me. My eyes were busy with his armour, and I was not a moment in settling my mode of attack. I saw that his body-armour was somewhat clumsily made, and that the overlappings in the lower part had more play than necessary; and I hoped that, in a fortunate moment, some joint would open a little, in a visible and accessible part. I stood till he came near enough to aim a blow at me with the mace, which has been, in all ages, the favourite weapon of giants, when, of course, I leaped aside, and let the blow fall upon the spot where I had been standing. I expected this would strain the joints of his armour yet more. Full of fury, he made at me again; but I kept him busy, constantly eluding his blows, and hoping thus to fatigue him. He did not seem to fear any assault from me, and I attempted none as yet; but while I watched his motions in order to avoid his blows, I, at the same time, kept equal watch upon those joints of his armour, through some one of which I hoped to reach his life. At length, as if somewhat fatigued, he paused a moment, and drew himself slightly up; I bounded forward, foot and hand, ran my rapier right through to the armour of his back, let go the hilt, and passing under his right arm, turned as he fell, and flew at him with my sabre. At one happy blow I divided the band of his helmet, which fell off, and allowed me, with a second cut across the eyes, to blind him quite; after which I clove his head, and turned, uninjured, to see how my brothers had fared. Both the giants were down, but so were my brothers. I flew first to the one and then to the other couple. Both pairs of combatants were dead, and yet locked together, as in the death-struggle. The elder had buried his battle-axe in the body of his foe, and had fallen beneath him as he fell. The giant had strangled him in his own death-agonies. The younger had nearly hewn off the left leg of his enemy; and, grappled with in the act, had, while they rolled together on the earth, found for his dagger a passage betwixt the gorget and cuirass of the giant, and stabbed him mortally in the throat. The blood from the giant’s throat was yet pouring over the hand of his foe, which still grasped the hilt of the dagger sheathed in the wound. They lay silent. I, the least worthy, remained the sole survivor in the lists.

But it seemed we all made the same decision at the same time; each of us grabbed our favorite weapon and, leaving our defenses behind, rushed to the door. I quickly picked up a long, sharp rapier in one hand and a sabre in the other; the older brother took his heavy battle-axe, and the younger picked up a huge two-handed sword that he wielded with one hand like it was nothing. We barely had time to get out of the tower, hug, say goodbye, and move a bit away from each other so we wouldn’t get in each other’s way before the trio of giant brothers approached to attack us. They were about twice our height and fully armed. Their monstrous eyes glinted with terrifying ferocity through the visors of their helmets. I was in the center, and the middle giant moved toward me. I focused on his armor, quickly deciding on my strategy. I noticed that his body armor was somewhat awkwardly made and that the joints in the lower part had more movement than necessary; I hoped that an opening would show up in a vulnerable spot at a lucky moment. I waited until he got close enough to strike me with his mace, which has always been the giants' favorite weapon, then I jumped aside, letting the blow fall where I had just been standing. I figured this would strain the joints of his armor even more. Furious, he charged at me again, but I kept dodging his blows, hoping to tire him out. He didn’t seem worried about any attack from me, and I hadn’t tried one yet; while I was watching his moves to avoid his strikes, I also kept an eye on those joints of his armor, hoping to find a way to reach his life. Finally, as if getting a bit tired, he paused for a moment and straightened up. I sprang forward, striking my rapier straight through to the armor on his back, let go of the hilt, and slipped under his right arm, turning as he fell and going at him with my sabre. With a lucky strike, I sliced through the band of his helmet, which fell off and let me blind him with a second cut across the eyes; then I split his head and turned, unhurt, to see how my brothers had fared. Both giants were down, but so were my brothers. I rushed first to one and then to the other. Both sets of fighters were dead, locked together as if still in a desperate struggle. The older brother had buried his battle-axe in his enemy’s body and had fallen beneath him as he died. The giant had strangled him in his own death throes. The younger brother had nearly chopped off the giant's left leg and, tangled with him on the ground, had found a way for his dagger between the gorget and cuirass of the giant and fatally stabbed him in the throat. Blood from the giant's wound was still pouring over the hand of the younger brother, which still clutched the hilt of the dagger stuck in the wound. They lay silent. I, the least worthy, was the only survivor in the fight.

As I stood exhausted amidst the dead, after the first worthy deed of my life, I suddenly looked behind me, and there lay the Shadow, black in the sunshine. I went into the lonely tower, and there lay the useless armour of the noble youths—supine as they.

As I stood worn out among the fallen, after accomplishing the first meaningful act of my life, I suddenly glanced back, and there was the Shadow, dark against the sunlight. I entered the lonely tower, and there lay the useless armor of the noble young men—motionless like they were.

Ah, how sad it looked! It was a glorious death, but it was death. My songs could not comfort me now. I was almost ashamed that I was alive, when they, the true-hearted, were no more. And yet I breathed freer to think that I had gone through the trial, and had not failed. And perhaps I may be forgiven, if some feelings of pride arose in my bosom, when I looked down on the mighty form that lay dead by my hand.

Ah, how sad it appeared! It was a magnificent death, but it was still death. My songs couldn't bring me comfort now. I almost felt ashamed for being alive while they, the true-hearted, were gone. Yet, I felt a sense of relief knowing that I had endured the trial and had not failed. And maybe I can be forgiven if a bit of pride stirred within me as I looked down at the powerful figure that lay dead by my side.

“After all, however,” I said to myself, and my heart sank, “it was only skill. Your giant was but a blunderer.”

“After all, though,” I said to myself, and my heart sank, “it was just skill. Your giant was really just a clumsy fool.”

I left the bodies of friends and foes, peaceful enough when the death-fight was over, and, hastening to the country below, roused the peasants. They came with shouting and gladness, bringing waggons to carry the bodies. I resolved to take the princes home to their father, each as he lay, in the arms of his country’s foe. But first I searched the giants, and found the keys of their castle, to which I repaired, followed by a great company of the people. It was a place of wonderful strength. I released the prisoners, knights and ladies, all in a sad condition, from the cruelties and neglects of the giants. It humbled me to see them crowding round me with thanks, when in truth the glorious brothers, lying dead by their lonely tower, were those to whom the thanks belonged. I had but aided in carrying out the thought born in their brain, and uttered in visible form before ever I laid hold thereupon. Yet I did count myself happy to have been chosen for their brother in this great deed.

I left the bodies of friends and enemies, peaceful now that the battle was over, and rushed down to the countryside to wake the peasants. They came shouting and joyful, bringing wagons to carry the bodies. I decided to take the princes back to their father, each in the arms of his country’s enemy. But first, I searched the giants and found the keys to their castle, which I headed to, followed by a large group of people. It was an incredibly strong fortress. I freed the prisoners, knights and ladies, all in terrible condition, from the cruelty and neglect of the giants. It humbled me to see them crowding around me in gratitude, when in truth the true heroes, lying dead by their lonely tower, were the ones who deserved thanks. I had only helped fulfill the idea they had conceived and made visible before I ever got involved. Still, I felt happy to have been chosen as their brother in this great deed.

After a few hours spent in refreshing and clothing the prisoners, we all commenced our journey towards the capital. This was slow at first; but, as the strength and spirits of the prisoners returned, it became more rapid; and in three days we reached the palace of the king. As we entered the city gates, with the huge bulks lying each on a waggon drawn by horses, and two of them inextricably intertwined with the dead bodies of their princes, the people raised a shout and then a cry, and followed in multitudes the solemn procession.

After spending a few hours refreshing and dressing the prisoners, we all started our journey to the capital. It was slow at first, but as the prisoners regained their strength and spirits, we picked up speed. In three days, we arrived at the king's palace. As we entered the city gates with the large loads on wagons pulled by horses, and two of them hopelessly tangled with the dead bodies of their princes, the people shouted and then cried out, following the solemn procession in large numbers.

I will not attempt to describe the behaviour of the grand old king. Joy and pride in his sons overcame his sorrow at their loss. On me he heaped every kindness that heart could devise or hand execute. He used to sit and question me, night after night, about everything that was in any way connected with them and their preparations. Our mode of life, and relation to each other, during the time we spent together, was a constant theme. He entered into the minutest details of the construction of the armour, even to a peculiar mode of riveting some of the plates, with unwearying interest. This armour I had intended to beg of the king, as my sole memorials of the contest; but, when I saw the delight he took in contemplating it, and the consolation it appeared to afford him in his sorrow, I could not ask for it; but, at his request, left my own, weapons and all, to be joined with theirs in a trophy, erected in the grand square of the palace. The king, with gorgeous ceremony, dubbed me knight with his own old hand, in which trembled the sword of his youth.

I won't try to describe how the old king acted. His joy and pride in his sons overshadowed his grief over their loss. He showered me with every kindness his heart could think of or his hands could offer. Night after night, he would sit and ask me about everything connected to them and their preparations. Our way of life and our relationship during the time we spent together was a constant topic of conversation. He showed endless interest in the smallest details of the armor's construction, including a unique way of riveting some of the plates. I had planned to ask the king for the armor as my only keepsake from the contest; however, seeing how much joy it brought him and how it seemed to comfort him in his sorrow, I couldn't bring myself to ask. Instead, at his request, I left my own weapons and everything else to be displayed alongside theirs in a trophy in the grand square of the palace. The king, with great ceremony, honored me as a knight with his own hand, trembling as he held the sword from his youth.

During the short time I remained, my company was, naturally, much courted by the young nobles. I was in a constant round of gaiety and diversion, notwithstanding that the court was in mourning. For the country was so rejoiced at the death of the giants, and so many of their lost friends had been restored to the nobility and men of wealth, that the gladness surpassed the grief. “Ye have indeed left your lives to your people, my great brothers!” I said.

During the brief time I stayed, the young nobles were naturally very eager to be around me. I was caught up in a nonstop cycle of fun and entertainment, even though the court was in mourning. The country was so relieved by the death of the giants, and so many of their lost friends had been returned to the nobility and wealthy class, that the happiness outweighed the sorrow. "You truly gave your lives for your people, my great brothers!" I said.

But I was ever and ever haunted by the old shadow, which I had not seen all the time that I was at work in the tower. Even in the society of the ladies of the court, who seemed to think it only their duty to make my stay there as pleasant to me as possible, I could not help being conscious of its presence, although it might not be annoying me at the time. At length, somewhat weary of uninterrupted pleasure, and nowise strengthened thereby, either in body or mind, I put on a splendid suit of armour of steel inlaid with silver, which the old king had given me, and, mounting the horse on which it had been brought to me, took my leave of the palace, to visit the distant city in which the lady dwelt, whom the elder prince had loved. I anticipated a sore task, in conveying to her the news of his glorious fate: but this trial was spared me, in a manner as strange as anything that had happened to me in Fairy Land.

But I was always haunted by that old shadow, which I hadn't seen while I was working in the tower. Even among the ladies of the court, who seemed to think it was their duty to make my stay as enjoyable as possible, I couldn't shake off the feeling of its presence, even if it wasn't bothering me at the moment. Eventually, feeling somewhat tired of constant pleasure and not feeling any stronger because of it, I put on a magnificent suit of armor made of steel with silver inlay, which the old king had given me. I mounted the horse it was brought to me on and said my goodbyes to the palace, heading to the faraway city where the lady lived, whom the elder prince had loved. I expected it would be a tough job to tell her the news of his glorious fate: but this burden was lifted from me in a way as strange as anything that had happened to me in Fairy Land.

CHAPTER XXII

“No one has my form but the I.”
          Schoppe, in JEAN PAUL’S Titan.

“Joy’s a subtil elf.
I think man’s happiest when he forgets himself.”
          CYRIL TOURNEUR, The Revenger’s Tragedy.

“No one has my form but the I.”
          Schoppe, in JEAN PAUL’S Titan.

“Joy is a clever little sprite.
I believe a person is happiest when they lose themselves.”
          CYRIL TOURNEUR, The Revenger’s Tragedy.

On the third day of my journey, I was riding gently along a road, apparently little frequented, to judge from the grass that grew upon it. I was approaching a forest. Everywhere in Fairy Land forests are the places where one may most certainly expect adventures. As I drew near, a youth, unarmed, gentle, and beautiful, who had just cut a branch from a yew growing on the skirts of the wood, evidently to make himself a bow, met me, and thus accosted me:

On the third day of my journey, I was riding slowly along a seemingly little-used road, judging by the grass growing on it. I was getting close to a forest. In Fairy Land, forests are definitely places where you can expect adventures. As I got nearer, I encountered a young man, unarmed, kind, and strikingly handsome, who had just cut a branch from a yew tree on the edge of the woods, clearly to make himself a bow. He approached me and spoke:

“Sir knight, be careful as thou ridest through this forest; for it is said to be strangely enchanted, in a sort which even those who have been witnesses of its enchantment can hardly describe.”

“Sir knight, be careful as you ride through this forest; for it is said to be strangely enchanted, in a way that even those who have witnessed its enchantment can hardly describe.”

I thanked him for his advice, which I promised to follow, and rode on. But the moment I entered the wood, it seemed to me that, if enchantment there was, it must be of a good kind; for the Shadow, which had been more than usually dark and distressing, since I had set out on this journey, suddenly disappeared. I felt a wonderful elevation of spirits, and began to reflect on my past life, and especially on my combat with the giants, with such satisfaction, that I had actually to remind myself, that I had only killed one of them; and that, but for the brothers, I should never have had the idea of attacking them, not to mention the smallest power of standing to it. Still I rejoiced, and counted myself amongst the glorious knights of old; having even the unspeakable presumption—my shame and self-condemnation at the memory of it are such, that I write it as the only and sorest penance I can perform—to think of myself (will the world believe it?) as side by side with Sir Galahad! Scarcely had the thought been born in my mind, when, approaching me from the left, through the trees, I espied a resplendent knight, of mighty size, whose armour seemed to shine of itself, without the sun. When he drew near, I was astonished to see that this armour was like my own; nay, I could trace, line for line, the correspondence of the inlaid silver to the device on my own. His horse, too, was like mine in colour, form, and motion; save that, like his rider, he was greater and fiercer than his counterpart. The knight rode with beaver up. As he halted right opposite to me in the narrow path, barring my way, I saw the reflection of my countenance in the centre plate of shining steel on his breastplate. Above it rose the same face—his face—only, as I have said, larger and fiercer. I was bewildered. I could not help feeling some admiration of him, but it was mingled with a dim conviction that he was evil, and that I ought to fight with him.

I thanked him for his advice, which I promised to follow, and continued on my way. But the moment I entered the woods, it felt like, if there was any magic at play, it had to be good; because the dark and troubling Shadow I'd been experiencing since I started this journey suddenly vanished. I felt a wonderful lift in my spirits and began to reflect on my past, especially my battle with the giants, with such satisfaction that I had to remind myself I had only killed one of them; and without my brothers, I would have never even thought about going after them, let alone had any chance of winning. Still, I was happy and counted myself among the glorious knights of old, even having the outrageous audacity—I’m so ashamed to admit this that I write it down as my only way to atone—to imagine myself (can you believe it?) standing next to Sir Galahad! Hardly had that thought crossed my mind when, coming toward me from the left through the trees, I saw a brilliant knight of huge stature, whose armor seemed to glow on its own, without any sunlight. As he got closer, I was amazed to see that his armor was just like mine; in fact, I could trace the inlaid silver design that matched mine exactly. His horse was also similar to mine in color, shape, and movement, except that, like its rider, it was bigger and fiercer. The knight had his visor up. When he stopped directly in front of me on the narrow path, blocking my way, I saw my own reflection in the shiny center plate of armor on his chest. Above it was the same face—his face—only, as I mentioned, larger and more intimidating. I was confused. I couldn’t help but admire him, but there was also a nagging feeling that he was evil and that I should fight him.

“Let me pass,” I said.

"Let me through," I said.

“When I will,” he replied.

"When I do," he replied.

Something within me said: “Spear in rest, and ride at him! else thou art for ever a slave.”

Something inside me said, “Lower your spear and charge at him! Otherwise, you'll be a slave forever.”

I tried, but my arm trembled so much, that I could not couch my lance. To tell the truth, I, who had overcome the giant, shook like a coward before this knight. He gave a scornful laugh, that echoed through the wood, turned his horse, and said, without looking round, “Follow me.”

I tried, but my arm trembled so much that I couldn’t hold my lance steady. Honestly, I, who had defeated the giant, was shaking like a coward in front of this knight. He let out a mocking laugh that echoed through the woods, turned his horse, and said without looking back, “Follow me.”

I obeyed, abashed and stupefied. How long he led, and how long I followed, I cannot tell. “I never knew misery before,” I said to myself. “Would that I had at least struck him, and had had my death-blow in return! Why, then, do I not call to him to wheel and defend himself? Alas! I know not why, but I cannot. One look from him would cow me like a beaten hound.” I followed, and was silent.

I complied, embarrassed and shocked. I can’t say how long he led me or how long I followed. “I’ve never known misery like this,” I thought to myself. “If only I had hit him, I could have taken my final strike in return! So, why don’t I just call out for him to turn and defend himself? Sadly, I don’t know why I can’t, but I just can’t. One look from him would make me feel like a defeated dog.” I continued to follow in silence.

At length we came to a dreary square tower, in the middle of a dense forest. It looked as if scarce a tree had been cut down to make room for it. Across the very door, diagonally, grew the stem of a tree, so large that there was just room to squeeze past it in order to enter. One miserable square hole in the roof was the only visible suggestion of a window. Turret or battlement, or projecting masonry of any kind, it had none. Clear and smooth and massy, it rose from its base, and ended with a line straight and unbroken. The roof, carried to a centre from each of the four walls, rose slightly to the point where the rafters met. Round the base lay several little heaps of either bits of broken branches, withered and peeled, or half-whitened bones; I could not distinguish which. As I approached, the ground sounded hollow beneath my horse’s hoofs. The knight took a great key from his pocket, and reaching past the stem of the tree, with some difficulty opened the door. “Dismount,” he commanded. I obeyed. He turned my horse’s head away from the tower, gave him a terrible blow with the flat side of his sword, and sent him madly tearing through the forest.

Eventually, we reached a gloomy square tower in the middle of a dense forest. It seemed like hardly any trees had been cut down to make space for it. A massive tree trunk grew right across the door, leaving just enough room to squeeze past to get inside. There was only one sad square hole in the roof that looked like a window. There were no turrets, battlements, or any kind of projecting masonry. It rose straight and solid from its base, ending with a clean, unbroken line. The roof sloped up from each of the four walls to a point where the rafters met. Around the base were several small heaps of either broken branches, dried and peeled, or half-bleached bones; I couldn't tell which. As I got closer, the ground sounded hollow under my horse's hooves. The knight pulled a large key from his pocket, and after some effort reaching past the tree trunk, he unlocked the door. “Dismount,” he ordered. I complied. He turned my horse away from the tower, struck him hard with the flat side of his sword, and sent him galloping wildly through the forest.

“Now,” said he, “enter, and take your companion with you.”

“Now,” he said, “come in and bring your friend with you.”

I looked round: knight and horse had vanished, and behind me lay the horrible shadow. I entered, for I could not help myself; and the shadow followed me. I had a terrible conviction that the knight and he were one. The door closed behind me.

I looked around: the knight and his horse had disappeared, and behind me was the terrifying shadow. I went in, unable to stop myself; and the shadow followed me. I had a dreadful feeling that the knight and the shadow were the same. The door closed behind me.

Now I was indeed in pitiful plight. There was literally nothing in the tower but my shadow and me. The walls rose right up to the roof; in which, as I had seen from without, there was one little square opening. This I now knew to be the only window the tower possessed. I sat down on the floor, in listless wretchedness. I think I must have fallen asleep, and have slept for hours; for I suddenly became aware of existence, in observing that the moon was shining through the hole in the roof. As she rose higher and higher, her light crept down the wall over me, till at last it shone right upon my head. Instantaneously the walls of the tower seemed to vanish away like a mist. I sat beneath a beech, on the edge of a forest, and the open country lay, in the moonlight, for miles and miles around me, spotted with glimmering houses and spires and towers. I thought with myself, “Oh, joy! it was only a dream; the horrible narrow waste is gone, and I wake beneath a beech-tree, perhaps one that loves me, and I can go where I will.” I rose, as I thought, and walked about, and did what I would, but ever kept near the tree; for always, and, of course, since my meeting with the woman of the beech-tree far more than ever, I loved that tree. So the night wore on. I waited for the sun to rise, before I could venture to renew my journey. But as soon as the first faint light of the dawn appeared, instead of shining upon me from the eye of the morning, it stole like a fainting ghost through the little square hole above my head; and the walls came out as the light grew, and the glorious night was swallowed up of the hateful day. The long dreary day passed. My shadow lay black on the floor. I felt no hunger, no need of food. The night came. The moon shone. I watched her light slowly descending the wall, as I might have watched, adown the sky, the long, swift approach of a helping angel. Her rays touched me, and I was free. Thus night after night passed away. I should have died but for this. Every night the conviction returned, that I was free. Every morning I sat wretchedly disconsolate. At length, when the course of the moon no longer permitted her beams to touch me, the night was dreary as the day.

Now I was really in a bad situation. There was literally nothing in the tower except for my shadow and me. The walls rose all the way to the roof, where, as I had seen from outside, there was a small square opening. I now realized this was the only window in the tower. I sank down on the floor, feeling hopelessly miserable. I think I must have fallen asleep and slept for hours because I suddenly became aware of my surroundings when I noticed the moon shining through the hole in the roof. As it climbed higher, its light crept down the wall over me until it finally shone right on my head. Instantly, the walls of the tower seemed to fade away like mist. I was sitting beneath a beech tree at the edge of a forest, and the open countryside stretched out in the moonlight for miles around, dotted with glimmering houses, spires, and towers. I thought to myself, “Oh, joy! It was only a dream; the horrible narrow space is gone, and I wake beneath a beech tree, perhaps one that cares for me, and I can go wherever I want.” I got up and wandered around, doing as I pleased, but I always stayed close to the tree because I had loved it ever since my encounter with the woman of the beech tree, and even more so now. So the night went on. I waited for the sun to rise before I could start my journey again. But as soon as the first light of dawn appeared, instead of shining on me directly from the morning sky, it slipped through the small square hole above my head like a fainting ghost; and as the light grew, the walls reappeared, and the beautiful night was consumed by the dreadful day. The long, dreary day dragged on. My shadow lay dark on the floor. I felt no hunger or need for food. Night fell again. The moon shone. I watched her light slowly descend the wall, as I would watch the long, swift approach of a helping angel in the sky. Her rays touched me, and I felt free. Thus, night after night passed. I would have died without this. Each night, the feeling of freedom returned. Every morning, I sat in miserable despair. Finally, when the moon's path no longer allowed her beams to reach me, the night became as dreary as the day.

When I slept, I was somewhat consoled by my dreams; but all the time I dreamed, I knew that I was only dreaming. But one night, at length, the moon, a mere shred of pallor, scattered a few thin ghostly rays upon me; and I think I fell asleep and dreamed. I sat in an autumn night before the vintage, on a hill overlooking my own castle. My heart sprang with joy. Oh, to be a child again, innocent, fearless, without shame or desire! I walked down to the castle. All were in consternation at my absence. My sisters were weeping for my loss. They sprang up and clung to me, with incoherent cries, as I entered. My old friends came flocking round me. A gray light shone on the roof of the hall. It was the light of the dawn shining through the square window of my tower. More earnestly than ever, I longed for freedom after this dream; more drearily than ever, crept on the next wretched day. I measured by the sunbeams, caught through the little window in the trap of my tower, how it went by, waiting only for the dreams of the night.

When I slept, I found some comfort in my dreams; but even while dreaming, I knew it was just a dream. Then one night, the moon, a faint sliver of light, cast a few thin ghostly rays on me; and I think I fell asleep and dreamed. I was sitting on an autumn night before the harvest, on a hill overlooking my castle. My heart leaped with joy. Oh, to be a child again, innocent, fearless, without shame or desire! I walked down to the castle. Everyone was in a panic over my absence. My sisters were crying for me. They rushed to me and hugged me, crying out incoherently as I entered. My old friends gathered around me. A gray light shone on the roof of the hall. It was the dawn light coming through the square window of my tower. More than ever, I longed for freedom after this dream; and more drearily than ever, the next miserable day dragged on. I counted the time by the sunbeams streaming through the small window in the trap of my tower, waiting only for the dreams of night.

About noon, I started as if something foreign to all my senses and all my experience, had suddenly invaded me; yet it was only the voice of a woman singing. My whole frame quivered with joy, surprise, and the sensation of the unforeseen. Like a living soul, like an incarnation of Nature, the song entered my prison-house. Each tone folded its wings, and laid itself, like a caressing bird, upon my heart. It bathed me like a sea; inwrapt me like an odorous vapour; entered my soul like a long draught of clear spring-water; shone upon me like essential sunlight; soothed me like a mother’s voice and hand. Yet, as the clearest forest-well tastes sometimes of the bitterness of decayed leaves, so to my weary, prisoned heart, its cheerfulness had a sting of cold, and its tenderness unmanned me with the faintness of long-departed joys. I wept half-bitterly, half-luxuriously; but not long. I dashed away the tears, ashamed of a weakness which I thought I had abandoned. Ere I knew, I had walked to the door, and seated myself with my ears against it, in order to catch every syllable of the revelation from the unseen outer world. And now I heard each word distinctly. The singer seemed to be standing or sitting near the tower, for the sounds indicated no change of place. The song was something like this:

About noon, I suddenly felt like something entirely new and foreign had invaded me; yet it was just the sound of a woman singing. My whole being trembled with joy, surprise, and the thrill of the unexpected. Like a living spirit, like a personification of Nature, the song filled my prison. Each note wrapped its wings around me, resting like a gentle bird upon my heart. It embraced me like the sea; surrounded me like a fragrant mist; seeped into my soul like a long sip of clear spring water; illuminated me like pure sunlight; comforted me like a mother’s voice and touch. Yet, just as even the clearest forest spring can carry the taste of rotting leaves, the joy it brought to my weary, confined heart had a chill, and its softness made me weak with memories of long-lost happiness. I wept, partly in bitterness and partly in indulgence; but not for long. I wiped away the tears, embarrassed by a vulnerability I thought I had conquered. Before I realized it, I had walked to the door and sat down with my ear against it, eager to catch every word from the unseen world outside. And now I heard each word clearly. The singer seemed to be near the tower, as the sounds suggested no change in location. The song went something like this:

The sun, like a golden knot on high,
Gathers the glories of the sky,
And binds them into a shining tent,
Roofing the world with the firmament.
And through the pavilion the rich winds blow,
And through the pavilion the waters go.
And the birds for joy, and the trees for prayer,
Bowing their heads in the sunny air,
And for thoughts, the gently talking springs,
That come from the centre with secret things—
All make a music, gentle and strong,
Bound by the heart into one sweet song.
And amidst them all, the mother Earth
Sits with the children of her birth;
She tendeth them all, as a mother hen
Her little ones round her, twelve or ten:
Oft she sitteth, with hands on knee,
Idle with love for her family.
Go forth to her from the dark and the dust,
And weep beside her, if weep thou must;
If she may not hold thee to her breast,
Like a weary infant, that cries for rest
At least she will press thee to her knee,
And tell a low, sweet tale to thee,
Till the hue to thy cheeky and the light to thine eye,
Strength to thy limbs, and courage high
To thy fainting heart, return amain,
And away to work thou goest again.
From the narrow desert, O man of pride,
Come into the house, so high and wide.

The sun, like a golden knot up high,
Gathers the beauties of the sky,
And wraps them into a shining tent,
Covering the world with the firmament.
And through the pavilion, the rich winds flow,
And through the pavilion, the waters go.
And the birds sing for joy, and the trees in prayer,
Bowing their heads in the sunny air,
And for thoughts, the softly speaking springs,
That come from the center with secret things—
All create a music, gentle yet strong,
Bound by the heart into one sweet song.
And among them all, Mother Earth
Sits with the children of her birth;
She cares for them all, like a mother hen
With her little ones around her, twelve or ten:
Often she sits, with hands on her knees,
Relaxed with love for her family.
Come to her from the dark and the dust,
And weep beside her, if you must;
If she can't hold you to her chest,
Like a tired infant crying for rest,
At least she will pull you to her knee,
And tell a soft, sweet story to thee,
Until the color returns to your cheeks and the light to your eyes,
Strength to your limbs, and courage that flies
Back to your fainting heart again,
And once more, you go out to work again.
From the narrow desert, O man of pride,
Come into the house, so high and wide.

Hardly knowing what I did, I opened the door. Why had I not done so before? I do not know.

Hardly aware of what I was doing, I opened the door. Why hadn't I done this before? I don't know.

At first I could see no one; but when I had forced myself past the tree which grew across the entrance, I saw, seated on the ground, and leaning against the tree, with her back to my prison, a beautiful woman. Her countenance seemed known to me, and yet unknown. She looked at me and smiled, when I made my appearance.

At first, I couldn't see anyone; but after I pushed my way past the tree blocking the entrance, I saw a beautiful woman sitting on the ground, leaning against the tree with her back to my prison. Her face seemed familiar, yet strange. She looked at me and smiled when I showed up.

“Ah! were you the prisoner there? I am very glad I have wiled you out.”

“Ah! Were you the prisoner there? I'm really glad I was able to get you out.”

“Do you know me then?”

“Do you know me now?”

“Do you not know me? But you hurt me, and that, I suppose, makes it easy for a man to forget. You broke my globe. Yet I thank you. Perhaps I owe you many thanks for breaking it. I took the pieces, all black, and wet with crying over them, to the Fairy Queen. There was no music and no light in them now. But she took them from me, and laid them aside; and made me go to sleep in a great hall of white, with black pillars, and many red curtains. When I woke in the morning, I went to her, hoping to have my globe again, whole and sound; but she sent me away without it, and I have not seen it since. Nor do I care for it now. I have something so much better. I do not need the globe to play to me; for I can sing. I could not sing at all before. Now I go about everywhere through Fairy Land, singing till my heart is like to break, just like my globe, for very joy at my own songs. And wherever I go, my songs do good, and deliver people. And now I have delivered you, and I am so happy.”

“Don’t you recognize me? But you hurt me, and I guess that makes it easy for someone to forget. You broke my globe. Still, I thank you. Maybe I owe you a lot for breaking it. I took the shattered pieces, all black and soaked with my tears, to the Fairy Queen. There was no music or light in them anymore. But she took them from me, set them aside, and made me fall asleep in a huge white hall with black pillars and lots of red curtains. When I woke up in the morning, I went to her, hoping to get my globe back, whole and intact; but she sent me away without it, and I haven’t seen it since. I don’t even care about it now. I have something much better. I don’t need the globe to entertain me; I can sing. I couldn’t sing at all before. Now I wander all over Fairy Land, singing until my heart feels like it might burst, just like my globe, from sheer joy in my own songs. And wherever I go, my songs do good and help people. And now I’ve helped you, and I’m so happy.”

She ceased, and the tears came into her eyes.

She stopped, and tears filled her eyes.

All this time, I had been gazing at her; and now fully recognised the face of the child, glorified in the countenance of the woman.

All this time, I had been staring at her; and now I fully recognized the child's face, illuminated in the woman's features.

I was ashamed and humbled before her; but a great weight was lifted from my thoughts. I knelt before her, and thanked her, and begged her to forgive me.

I felt ashamed and humbled in front of her, but a huge weight was lifted off my mind. I knelt before her, thanked her, and asked her to forgive me.

“Rise, rise,” she said; “I have nothing to forgive; I thank you. But now I must be gone, for I do not know how many may be waiting for me, here and there, through the dark forests; and they cannot come out till I come.”

“Get up, get up,” she said; “I have nothing to forgive; thank you. But now I have to leave, because I don’t know how many might be waiting for me, here and there, in the dark forests; and they can’t come out until I do.”

She rose, and with a smile and a farewell, turned and left me. I dared not ask her to stay; in fact, I could hardly speak to her. Between her and me, there was a great gulf. She was uplifted, by sorrow and well-doing, into a region I could hardly hope ever to enter. I watched her departure, as one watches a sunset. She went like a radiance through the dark wood, which was henceforth bright to me, from simply knowing that such a creature was in it.

She stood up, smiled, said goodbye, and walked away. I didn’t dare ask her to stay; in fact, I could barely speak to her. There was a huge gap between us. She was elevated by her pain and good deeds to a level I could hardly dream of reaching. I watched her leave, like watching a sunset. She moved like a light through the dark forest, which became bright to me just by knowing that someone like her was in it.

She was bearing the sun to the unsunned spots. The light and the music of her broken globe were now in her heart and her brain. As she went, she sang; and I caught these few words of her song; and the tones seemed to linger and wind about the trees after she had disappeared:

She was bringing light to the dark places. The brightness and the melody of her shattered world were now in her heart and mind. As she walked, she sang; and I caught these few words of her song, and the notes seemed to hang in the air and wrap around the trees after she had vanished:

Thou goest thine, and I go mine—
    Many ways we wend;
Many days, and many ways,
    Ending in one end.

Many a wrong, and its curing song;
    Many a road, and many an inn;
Room to roam, but only one home
    For all the world to win.

You go your way, and I go mine—
    We take many paths;
So many days, and so many routes,
    All leading to the same end.

So many mistakes, and their healing songs;
    So many roads, and so many places to stay;
Space to explore, but only one home
    For everyone to win.

And so she vanished. With a sad heart, soothed by humility, and the knowledge of her peace and gladness, I bethought me what now I should do. First, I must leave the tower far behind me, lest, in some evil moment, I might be once more caged within its horrible walls. But it was ill walking in my heavy armour; and besides I had now no right to the golden spurs and the resplendent mail, fitly dulled with long neglect. I might do for a squire; but I honoured knighthood too highly, to call myself any longer one of the noble brotherhood. I stripped off all my armour, piled it under the tree, just where the lady had been seated, and took my unknown way, eastward through the woods. Of all my weapons, I carried only a short axe in my hand.

And so she disappeared. With a heavy heart, comforted by humility and the certainty of her peace and happiness, I began to think about what to do next. First, I needed to leave the tower far behind, so that I wouldn't find myself trapped in its dreadful walls again in some unfortunate moment. But it was hard to walk in my heavy armor, and besides, I no longer had any right to the golden spurs and shining mail that had become dull from disuse. I could pass for a squire, but I respected knighthood too much to still consider myself part of that noble group. I took off all my armor, stacked it under the tree where the lady had sat, and set off on an unknown path, heading east through the woods. Of all my weapons, I only carried a short axe in my hand.

Then first I knew the delight of being lowly; of saying to myself, “I am what I am, nothing more.” “I have failed,” I said, “I have lost myself—would it had been my shadow.” I looked round: the shadow was nowhere to be seen. Ere long, I learned that it was not myself, but only my shadow, that I had lost. I learned that it is better, a thousand-fold, for a proud man to fall and be humbled, than to hold up his head in his pride and fancied innocence. I learned that he that will be a hero, will barely be a man; that he that will be nothing but a doer of his work, is sure of his manhood. In nothing was my ideal lowered, or dimmed, or grown less precious; I only saw it too plainly, to set myself for a moment beside it. Indeed, my ideal soon became my life; whereas, formerly, my life had consisted in a vain attempt to behold, if not my ideal in myself, at least myself in my ideal. Now, however, I took, at first, what perhaps was a mistaken pleasure, in despising and degrading myself. Another self seemed to arise, like a white spirit from a dead man, from the dumb and trampled self of the past. Doubtless, this self must again die and be buried, and again, from its tomb, spring a winged child; but of this my history as yet bears not the record.

Then I first discovered the joy of being humble; of telling myself, “I am who I am, nothing more.” “I have failed,” I said, “I've lost myself—if only it had been just my shadow.” I looked around: the shadow was nowhere to be found. Before long, I realized that it wasn’t myself that I had lost, but only my shadow. I learned that it is far better for a proud person to fall and be humbled than to keep their head high in pride and false innocence. I learned that someone who aims to be a hero will barely be a man; that someone who focuses on just getting their work done can be sure of their manhood. In no way was my ideal lowered, dimmed, or made less valuable; I just saw it too clearly to place myself beside it for a moment. In fact, my ideal soon became my life; whereas before, my life was a futile attempt to see, if not my ideal in myself, at least myself in my ideal. However, now I took, at first, what was perhaps a mistaken pleasure in looking down on and belittling myself. Another self seemed to emerge, like a white spirit from a dead person, from the silent and trampled self of the past. Surely this self must die and be buried again, and from its grave, spring a winged child; but my story does not yet record this.

Self will come to life even in the slaying of self; but there is ever something deeper and stronger than it, which will emerge at last from the unknown abysses of the soul: will it be as a solemn gloom, burning with eyes? or a clear morning after the rain? or a smiling child, that finds itself nowhere, and everywhere?

Self will come to life even in letting go of self; but there’s always something deeper and stronger than it, which will eventually rise from the unknown depths of the soul: will it be a serious darkness, glowing with eyes? or a bright morning after the rain? or a happy child, that feels itself nowhere and everywhere?

CHAPTER XXIII

“High erected thought, seated in a heart of courtesy.”
          SIR PHILIP SIDNEY.

“A sweet attractive kinde of grace,
    A full assurance given by lookes,
Continuall comfort in a face,
    The lineaments of Gospel bookes.”
          MATTHEW ROYDON, on Sir Philip Sidney.

“Lofty thoughts, grounded in a heart of kindness.”
          SIR PHILIP SIDNEY.

“A charming, appealing kind of grace,
    A complete confidence shown through looks,
Constant comfort in a face,
    The features of Gospel books.”
          MATTHEW ROYDON, on Sir Philip Sidney.

I had not gone far, for I had but just lost sight of the hated tower, when a voice of another sort, sounding near or far, as the trees permitted or intercepted its passage, reached me. It was a full, deep, manly voice, but withal clear and melodious. Now it burst on the ear with a sudden swell, and anon, dying away as suddenly, seemed to come to me across a great space. Nevertheless, it drew nearer; till, at last, I could distinguish the words of the song, and get transient glimpses of the singer, between the columns of the trees. He came nearer, dawning upon me like a growing thought. He was a knight, armed from head to heel, mounted upon a strange-looking beast, whose form I could not understand. The words which I heard him sing were like these:

I hadn't gone far, barely out of sight of the hated tower, when I heard a different voice, echoing near and far as the trees allowed or blocked its sound. It was a rich, deep, manly voice, yet clear and melodic. At times, it would swell suddenly and then fade away just as quickly, as if coming to me from a great distance. Still, it got closer until I could make out the words of the song and catch brief glimpses of the singer between the tree trunks. He approached, like a thought taking shape in my mind. He was a knight, fully armored, riding a strange-looking creature that I couldn't quite figure out. The words I heard him sing were something like this:

Heart be stout,
    And eye be true;
Good blade out!
    And ill shall rue.

Courage, horse!
    Thou lackst no skill;
Well thy force
    Hath matched my will.

For the foe
    With fiery breath,
At a blow,
    Is still in death.

Gently, horse!
    Tread fearlessly;
‘Tis his corse
    That burdens thee.

The sun’s eye
    Is fierce at noon;
Thou and I
    Will rest full soon.

And new strength
    New work will meet;
Till, at length,
    Long rest is sweet.

Stay strong, And keep your eyes sharp; Get your weapon out! And the enemy will regret it. Courage, horse! You lack no skill; Your power Matches my will. For the enemy Breathes fire, With one strike, They still face death. Easy now, horse! Step confidently; It’s his body Weighing you down. The sun’s heat Is intense at noon; You and I Will rest soon. And with new strength Comes new challenges; Until, finally, Long rest feels great.

And now horse and rider had arrived near enough for me to see, fastened by the long neck to the hinder part of the saddle, and trailing its hideous length on the ground behind, the body of a great dragon. It was no wonder that, with such a drag at his heels, the horse could make but slow progress, notwithstanding his evident dismay. The horrid, serpent-like head, with its black tongue, forked with red, hanging out of its jaws, dangled against the horse’s side. Its neck was covered with long blue hair, its sides with scales of green and gold. Its back was of corrugated skin, of a purple hue. Its belly was similar in nature, but its colour was leaden, dashed with blotches of livid blue. Its skinny, bat-like wings and its tail were of a dull gray. It was strange to see how so many gorgeous colours, so many curving lines, and such beautiful things as wings and hair and scales, combined to form the horrible creature, intense in ugliness.

And now the horse and rider had gotten close enough for me to see, attached by a long neck to the back of the saddle, and dragging its hideous length on the ground behind, the body of a massive dragon. It was no surprise that, with such a burden at his heels, the horse could only move slowly, even though he was clearly distressed. The terrible, snake-like head, with its black tongue forked with red, hung out of its jaws, brushing against the horse’s side. Its neck was covered in long blue hair, its sides were coated in scales of green and gold. Its back had wrinkled skin with a purple tint. Its belly was similar but lead-colored with splashes of sickly blue. Its thin, bat-like wings and its tail were a dull gray. It was odd to see how so many vibrant colors, so many curvy lines, and such beautiful elements as wings, hair, and scales, combined to create such a terrifying creature, strikingly ugly.

The knight was passing me with a salutation; but, as I walked towards him, he reined up, and I stood by his stirrup. When I came near him, I saw to my surprise and pleasure likewise, although a sudden pain, like a birth of fire, sprang up in my heart, that it was the knight of the soiled armour, whom I knew before, and whom I had seen in the vision, with the lady of the marble. But I could have thrown my arms around him, because she loved him. This discovery only strengthened the resolution I had formed, before I recognised him, of offering myself to the knight, to wait upon him as a squire, for he seemed to be unattended. I made my request in as few words as possible. He hesitated for a moment, and looked at me thoughtfully. I saw that he suspected who I was, but that he continued uncertain of his suspicion. No doubt he was soon convinced of its truth; but all the time I was with him, not a word crossed his lips with reference to what he evidently concluded I wished to leave unnoticed, if not to keep concealed.

The knight was riding past me and greeted me; but as I approached him, he slowed down, and I stopped by his stirrup. When I got closer, I was both surprised and pleased, though a sudden pain shot through my heart like a burst of fire, to see it was the knight in the tarnished armor that I recognized from before and from my vision with the lady of the marble. I felt an urge to throw my arms around him because she loved him. This realization only made my earlier decision stronger to offer my services to the knight and become his squire, as he seemed to have no one with him. I made my request as brief as I could. He paused for a moment and looked at me thoughtfully. I sensed he suspected who I was, but he remained unsure about it. No doubt he quickly realized the truth, but during the time I was with him, he didn’t say a word about what he clearly assumed I wanted to keep unmentioned or hidden.

“Squire and knight should be friends,” said he: “can you take me by the hand?” And he held out the great gauntleted right hand. I grasped it willingly and strongly. Not a word more was said. The knight gave the sign to his horse, which again began his slow march, and I walked beside and a little behind.

“Squire and knight should be friends,” he said: “can you take my hand?” And he extended his large gauntleted right hand. I took it eagerly and firmly. Not another word was spoken. The knight signaled to his horse, which started its slow march again, and I walked alongside and slightly behind.

We had not gone very far before we arrived at a little cottage; from which, as we drew near, a woman rushed out with the cry:

We hadn’t gotten very far when we reached a tiny cottage; as we got closer, a woman rushed out shouting:

“My child! my child! have you found my child?”

“My child! my child! have you seen my child?”

“I have found her,” replied the knight, “but she is sorely hurt. I was forced to leave her with the hermit, as I returned. You will find her there, and I think she will get better. You see I have brought you a present. This wretch will not hurt you again.” And he undid the creature’s neck, and flung the frightful burden down by the cottage door.

“I found her,” the knight said, “but she’s badly hurt. I had to leave her with the hermit on my way back. You’ll find her there, and I think she’ll heal. You see, I brought you a gift. This miserable creature won’t hurt you again.” With that, he undid the creature’s neck and tossed the horrid burden down by the cottage door.

The woman was now almost out of sight in the wood; but the husband stood at the door, with speechless thanks in his face.

The woman was now nearly out of sight in the woods, but the husband stood at the door, his face filled with unspoken gratitude.

“You must bury the monster,” said the knight. “If I had arrived a moment later, I should have been too late. But now you need not fear, for such a creature as this very rarely appears, in the same part, twice during a lifetime.”

“You have to bury the monster,” said the knight. “If I had gotten here a moment later, I would have been too late. But now you don’t need to be afraid, because a creature like this almost never shows up in the same area twice in a lifetime.”

“Will you not dismount and rest you, Sir Knight?” said the peasant, who had, by this time, recovered himself a little.

“Won’t you get down and take a break, Sir Knight?” said the peasant, who had, by then, calmed down a bit.

“That I will, thankfully,” said he; and, dismounting, he gave the reins to me, and told me to unbridle the horse, and lead him into the shade. “You need not tie him up,” he added; “he will not run away.”

“Sure thing, I will,” he said. After getting down from the horse, he handed me the reins and asked me to take off the bridle and lead the horse into the shade. “You don’t need to tie him up,” he added, “he won’t run away.”

When I returned, after obeying his orders, and entered the cottage, I saw the knight seated, without his helmet, and talking most familiarly with the simple host. I stood at the open door for a moment, and, gazing at him, inwardly justified the white lady in preferring him to me. A nobler countenance I never saw. Loving-kindness beamed from every line of his face. It seemed as if he would repay himself for the late arduous combat, by indulging in all the gentleness of a womanly heart. But when the talk ceased for a moment, he seemed to fall into a reverie. Then the exquisite curves of the upper lip vanished. The lip was lengthened and compressed at the same moment. You could have told that, within the lips, the teeth were firmly closed. The whole face grew stern and determined, all but fierce; only the eyes burned on like a holy sacrifice, uplift on a granite rock.

When I got back, after following his orders, and walked into the cottage, I found the knight sitting there, without his helmet, chatting easily with the friendly host. I paused at the open door for a moment, and as I gazed at him, I couldn't help but agree with the white lady for choosing him over me. I had never seen a more noble face. Kindness radiated from every line of his features. It felt like he was compensating for the recent tough battle by embracing all the tenderness of a gentle heart. However, when the conversation paused for a moment, he seemed to drift into thought. Then the graceful curves of his upper lip disappeared. His lip became longer and tighter at the same time. You could tell that his teeth were firmly clenched behind his lips. His whole expression turned serious and resolute, almost fierce; only his eyes continued to shine like a sacred offering, raised on a solid rock.

The woman entered, with her mangled child in her arms. She was pale as her little burden. She gazed, with a wild love and despairing tenderness, on the still, all but dead face, white and clear from loss of blood and terror.

The woman walked in, holding her broken child in her arms. She was as pale as her little one. She looked at the still, almost lifeless face, white and clear from loss of blood and fear, with a wild love and desperate tenderness.

The knight rose. The light that had been confined to his eyes, now shone from his whole countenance. He took the little thing in his arms, and, with the mother’s help, undressed her, and looked to her wounds. The tears flowed down his face as he did so. With tender hands he bound them up, kissed the pale cheek, and gave her back to her mother. When he went home, all his tale would be of the grief and joy of the parents; while to me, who had looked on, the gracious countenance of the armed man, beaming from the panoply of steel, over the seemingly dead child, while the powerful hands turned it and shifted it, and bound it, if possible even more gently than the mother’s, formed the centre of the story.

The knight stood up. The light that had been trapped in his eyes now radiated from his entire face. He picked up the little girl, and with the mother's assistance, he undressed her and examined her wounds. Tears streamed down his face as he did this. With gentle hands, he bandaged her injuries, kissed her pale cheek, and handed her back to her mother. When he returned home, he would share nothing but the sorrow and joy of the parents; but for me, who had witnessed it all, the kind expression of the armored man, glowing from his suit of armor, over the seemingly lifeless child, as his powerful hands turned and adjusted her, bandaging her even more delicately than her mother, became the heart of the story.

After we had partaken of the best they could give us, the knight took his leave, with a few parting instructions to the mother as to how she should treat the child.

After we had enjoyed the best they could offer us, the knight took his leave, giving the mother a few final instructions on how she should care for the child.

I brought the knight his steed, held the stirrup while he mounted, and then followed him through the wood. The horse, delighted to be free of his hideous load, bounded beneath the weight of man and armour, and could hardly be restrained from galloping on. But the knight made him time his powers to mine, and so we went on for an hour or two. Then the knight dismounted, and compelled me to get into the saddle, saying: “Knight and squire must share the labour.”

I brought the knight his horse, held the stirrup while he got on, and then followed him through the woods. The horse, thrilled to be free of its heavy burden, jumped under the weight of the man and armor, barely held back from racing ahead. But the knight had him match his pace to mine, and we continued on for an hour or two. Then the knight got off and insisted that I get into the saddle, saying, “Knight and squire must share the work.”

Holding by the stirrup, he walked along by my side, heavily clad as he was, with apparent ease. As we went, he led a conversation, in which I took what humble part my sense of my condition would permit me.

Holding onto the stirrup, he walked beside me, despite his heavy clothing, with seeming ease. As we walked, he initiated a conversation, and I contributed as much as my awareness of my situation allowed.

“Somehow or other,” said he, “notwithstanding the beauty of this country of Faerie, in which we are, there is much that is wrong in it. If there are great splendours, there are corresponding horrors; heights and depths; beautiful women and awful fiends; noble men and weaklings. All a man has to do, is to better what he can. And if he will settle it with himself, that even renown and success are in themselves of no great value, and be content to be defeated, if so be that the fault is not his; and so go to his work with a cool brain and a strong will, he will get it done; and fare none the worse in the end, that he was not burdened with provision and precaution.”

“Somehow,” he said, “despite the beauty of this fairyland we’re in, there’s a lot wrong with it. For every great splendor, there are horrific things; peaks and valleys; stunning women and terrible monsters; noble men and weaklings. All a person has to do is to improve what they can. And if they accept that even fame and success aren’t really that valuable, and are okay with being defeated when it's not their fault; and approach their work with a clear mind and strong will, they will get it done; and ultimately, they won’t be any worse off for not being weighed down by plans and precautions.”

“But he will not always come off well,” I ventured to say.

“But he won't always come off looking good,” I said cautiously.

“Perhaps not,” rejoined the knight, “in the individual act; but the result of his lifetime will content him.”

“Maybe not,” replied the knight, “in the momentary action; but the outcome of his entire life will satisfy him.”

“So it will fare with you, doubtless,” thought I; “but for me—-”

“So it will go for you, no doubt,” I thought; “but for me—-”

Venturing to resume the conversation after a pause, I said, hesitatingly:

Venturing to continue the conversation after a pause, I said, hesitantly:

“May I ask for what the little beggar-girl wanted your aid, when she came to your castle to find you?”

“Can I ask what the little beggar-girl needed your help with when she came to your castle to look for you?”

He looked at me for a moment in silence, and then said—

He looked at me quietly for a moment, and then said—

“I cannot help wondering how you know of that; but there is something about you quite strange enough to entitle you to the privilege of the country; namely, to go unquestioned. I, however, being only a man, such as you see me, am ready to tell you anything you like to ask me, as far as I can. The little beggar-girl came into the hall where I was sitting, and told me a very curious story, which I can only recollect very vaguely, it was so peculiar. What I can recall is, that she was sent to gather wings. As soon as she had gathered a pair of wings for herself, she was to fly away, she said, to the country she came from; but where that was, she could give no information.

“I can't help but wonder how you know about that; but there's something about you that's strange enough to give you the privilege of this place, which means you can go without being questioned. I, however, being just a man, as you see me, am ready to share anything you want to know, as much as I can. The little beggar-girl came into the hall where I was sitting and told me a really curious story, which I can only remember very vaguely, it was so unusual. What I do remember is that she was sent to gather wings. As soon as she got a pair of wings for herself, she was supposed to fly away, she said, to the place she came from; but where that was, she couldn't say.

“She said she had to beg her wings from the butterflies and moths; and wherever she begged, no one refused her. But she needed a great many of the wings of butterflies and moths to make a pair for her; and so she had to wander about day after day, looking for butterflies, and night after night, looking for moths; and then she begged for their wings. But the day before, she had come into a part of the forest, she said, where there were multitudes of splendid butterflies flitting about, with wings which were just fit to make the eyes in the shoulders of hers; and she knew she could have as many of them as she liked for the asking; but as soon as she began to beg, there came a great creature right up to her, and threw her down, and walked over her. When she got up, she saw the wood was full of these beings stalking about, and seeming to have nothing to do with each other. As soon as ever she began to beg, one of them walked over her; till at last in dismay, and in growing horror of the senseless creatures, she had run away to look for somebody to help her. I asked her what they were like. She said, like great men, made of wood, without knee-or elbow-joints, and without any noses or mouths or eyes in their faces. I laughed at the little maiden, thinking she was making child’s game of me; but, although she burst out laughing too, she persisted in asserting the truth of her story.”

“She said she had to ask the butterflies and moths for their wings; and wherever she asked, no one turned her down. But she needed a lot of wings from butterflies and moths to create a pair for herself; so she had to wander around day after day searching for butterflies, and night after night looking for moths; and then she begged for their wings. But the day before, she had entered a part of the forest where there were countless beautiful butterflies fluttering around, with wings perfect for making the eyes on her shoulders; and she knew she could have as many as she wanted for the asking; but as soon as she started to beg, a huge creature came right up to her, knocked her down, and walked over her. When she got up, she saw the woods were filled with these beings wandering around, seeming to ignore each other. Every time she began to beg, one of them would walk over her; until finally, in despair and growing horror of the mindless creatures, she ran away to find someone to help her. I asked her what they looked like. She said they were like giant men made of wood, without any knee or elbow joints, and without noses, mouths, or eyes on their faces. I laughed at the little girl, thinking she was just playing a game with me; but even though she started laughing too, she insisted that her story was true.”

“‘Only come, knight, come and see; I will lead you.’

“‘Just come, knight, come and see; I’ll take you there.’”

“So I armed myself, to be ready for anything that might happen, and followed the child; for, though I could make nothing of her story, I could see she was a little human being in need of some help or other. As she walked before me, I looked attentively at her. Whether or not it was from being so often knocked down and walked over, I could not tell, but her clothes were very much torn, and in several places her white skin was peeping through. I thought she was hump-backed; but on looking more closely, I saw, through the tatters of her frock—do not laugh at me—a bunch on each shoulder, of the most gorgeous colours. Looking yet more closely, I saw that they were of the shape of folded wings, and were made of all kinds of butterfly-wings and moth-wings, crowded together like the feathers on the individual butterfly pinion; but, like them, most beautifully arranged, and producing a perfect harmony of colour and shade. I could now more easily believe the rest of her story; especially as I saw, every now and then, a certain heaving motion in the wings, as if they longed to be uplifted and outspread. But beneath her scanty garments complete wings could not be concealed, and indeed, from her own story, they were yet unfinished.

“So I got myself ready for anything that might happen and followed the child; because, even though I didn’t fully understand her story, it was clear she was a little human being in need of help. As she walked ahead of me, I watched her closely. I couldn't tell if it was because she had been knocked down and walked over so often, but her clothes were very torn, and in several places her fair skin was showing through. I thought she had a hunchback; but looking more closely, I noticed, through the rags of her dress—don’t laugh at me—a cluster on each shoulder in the most beautiful colors. When I looked even closer, I saw they were shaped like folded wings and made of all different kinds of butterfly and moth wings, packed together like feathers on a butterfly’s wing; yet, like them, they were beautifully arranged, creating a perfect harmony of colors and shades. I could now believe the rest of her story more easily; especially since I saw, from time to time, a certain movement in the wings, as if they longed to be lifted and spread out. But under her scanty clothes, complete wings could not be hidden, and indeed, from her own story, they were still unfinished.”

“After walking for two or three hours (how the little girl found her way, I could not imagine), we came to a part of the forest, the very air of which was quivering with the motions of multitudes of resplendent butterflies; as gorgeous in colour, as if the eyes of peacocks’ feathers had taken to flight, but of infinite variety of hue and form, only that the appearance of some kind of eye on each wing predominated. ‘There they are, there they are!’ cried the child, in a tone of victory mingled with terror. Except for this tone, I should have thought she referred to the butterflies, for I could see nothing else. But at that moment an enormous butterfly, whose wings had great eyes of blue surrounded by confused cloudy heaps of more dingy colouring, just like a break in the clouds on a stormy day towards evening, settled near us. The child instantly began murmuring: ‘Butterfly, butterfly, give me your wings’; when, the moment after, she fell to the ground, and began crying as if hurt. I drew my sword and heaved a great blow in the direction in which the child had fallen. It struck something, and instantly the most grotesque imitation of a man became visible. You see this Fairy Land is full of oddities and all sorts of incredibly ridiculous things, which a man is compelled to meet and treat as real existences, although all the time he feels foolish for doing so. This being, if being it could be called, was like a block of wood roughly hewn into the mere outlines of a man; and hardly so, for it had but head, body, legs, and arms—the head without a face, and the limbs utterly formless. I had hewn off one of its legs, but the two portions moved on as best they could, quite independent of each other; so that I had done no good. I ran after it, and clove it in twain from the head downwards; but it could not be convinced that its vocation was not to walk over people; for, as soon as the little girl began her begging again, all three parts came bustling up; and if I had not interposed my weight between her and them, she would have been trampled again under them. I saw that something else must be done. If the wood was full of the creatures, it would be an endless work to chop them so small that they could do no injury; and then, besides, the parts would be so numerous, that the butterflies would be in danger from the drift of flying chips. I served this one so, however; and then told the girl to beg again, and point out the direction in which one was coming. I was glad to find, however, that I could now see him myself, and wondered how they could have been invisible before. I would not allow him to walk over the child; but while I kept him off, and she began begging again, another appeared; and it was all I could do, from the weight of my armour, to protect her from the stupid, persevering efforts of the two. But suddenly the right plan occurred to me. I tripped one of them up, and, taking him by the legs, set him up on his head, with his heels against a tree. I was delighted to find he could not move. Meantime the poor child was walked over by the other, but it was for the last time. Whenever one appeared, I followed the same plan—tripped him up and set him on his head; and so the little beggar was able to gather her wings without any trouble, which occupation she continued for several hours in my company.”

“After walking for two or three hours (how the little girl found her way, I couldn't imagine), we reached an area of the forest where the air was buzzing with the movements of countless beautiful butterflies; as stunning in color as if peacock feathers had taken to the sky, but with a huge variety of shades and shapes, only with some kind of eye-like pattern dominating each wing. ‘There they are, there they are!’ the child shouted, her voice a mix of triumph and fear. Aside from her tone, I would have thought she was talking about the butterflies, as that's all I could see. But at that moment, a massive butterfly, whose wings had big blue eyes surrounded by a chaotic blend of dull colors, like a break in the clouds on a stormy evening, settled nearby. The child immediately began murmuring: ‘Butterfly, butterfly, give me your wings’; then, just a moment later, she fell to the ground and started crying as if she were hurt. I drew my sword and swung it hard in the direction where she had fallen. I hit something, and suddenly, the most ridiculous imitation of a man appeared. You see, this Fairy Land is filled with oddities and all sorts of incredibly ridiculous things that a person has to confront and pretend are real, even though he feels foolish for doing so. This creature, if it could even be called that, was like a block of wood roughly shaped into the outlines of a man; and barely that, for it had just a head, body, legs, and arms—the head without a face, and the limbs completely formless. I had chopped off one of its legs, but the two pieces moved independently, so I hadn't accomplished anything. I chased after it and cut it in half from top to bottom; yet it wouldn't stop thinking it was meant to walk over people; because as soon as the little girl started begging again, all three pieces rushed back toward her; and if I hadn't stepped in between her and them, she would have been trampled again. I realized I had to come up with a different solution. If the woods were full of these creatures, it would be impossible to chop them small enough to prevent harm; and besides, there would be so many pieces that the butterflies would get in danger from flying debris. I dealt with this one, though, and then told the girl to beg again, pointing out where another was coming from. I was relieved to find that now I could see him myself, and I wondered how they had been invisible before. I wouldn't let him walk over the child; but while I was keeping him away, another one showed up, and it took all my effort, due to the weight of my armor, to protect her from the relentless attempts of the two. Then, suddenly, I had the right idea. I tripped one of them and, grabbing him by the legs, stood him on his head against a tree. I was thrilled to see that he couldn't move. In the meantime, the poor child was walked over by the other one, but it was the last time. Whenever another one appeared, I used the same tactic—tripped him and stood him on his head; and so the little beggar was able to gather her wings without any hassle, a task she continued for several hours with me by her side.”

“What became of her?” I asked.

“What happened to her?” I asked.

“I took her home with me to my castle, and she told me all her story; but it seemed to me, all the time, as if I were hearing a child talk in its sleep. I could not arrange her story in my mind at all, although it seemed to leave hers in some certain order of its own. My wife—-”

“I took her home with me to my castle, and she shared her entire story; however, it felt like I was listening to a child talking in their sleep the whole time. I couldn't make sense of her story in my mind, even though it appeared to have its own specific order. My wife—-”

Here the knight checked himself, and said no more. Neither did I urge the conversation farther.

Here, the knight paused and said nothing more. I also didn't push the conversation any further.

Thus we journeyed for several days, resting at night in such shelter as we could get; and when no better was to be had, lying in the forest under some tree, on a couch of old leaves.

So we traveled for several days, resting at night wherever we could find shelter; and when nothing better was available, we slept in the forest under a tree, on a bed of old leaves.

I loved the knight more and more. I believe never squire served his master with more care and joyfulness than I. I tended his horse; I cleaned his armour; my skill in the craft enabled me to repair it when necessary; I watched his needs; and was well repaid for all by the love itself which I bore him.

I loved the knight more and more. I don’t think any squire ever served his master with more care and joy than I did. I took care of his horse; I cleaned his armor; my skills in the craft allowed me to fix it when needed; I looked after his needs; and I was well rewarded for all of it by the love I felt for him.

“This,” I said to myself, “is a true man. I will serve him, and give him all worship, seeing in him the imbodiment of what I would fain become. If I cannot be noble myself, I will yet be servant to his nobleness.” He, in return, soon showed me such signs of friendship and respect, as made my heart glad; and I felt that, after all, mine would be no lost life, if I might wait on him to the world’s end, although no smile but his should greet me, and no one but him should say, “Well done! he was a good servant!” at last. But I burned to do something more for him than the ordinary routine of a squire’s duty permitted.

“This,” I thought to myself, “is a real man. I will serve him and give him all my respect, seeing in him the embodiment of what I aspire to be. If I can’t be noble myself, I will still serve his nobility.” He, in return, quickly showed me signs of friendship and respect that made my heart happy; and I realized that my life wouldn’t be wasted if I could attend to him for the rest of my days, even if the only smile I received was from him, and no one but him would say, “Well done! He was a good servant!” in the end. But I was eager to do something more for him than what the usual duties of a squire allowed.

One afternoon, we began to observe an appearance of roads in the wood. Branches had been cut down, and openings made, where footsteps had worn no path below. These indications increased as we passed on, till, at length, we came into a long, narrow avenue, formed by felling the trees in its line, as the remaining roots evidenced. At some little distance, on both hands, we observed signs of similar avenues, which appeared to converge with ours, towards one spot. Along these we indistinctly saw several forms moving, which seemed, with ourselves, to approach the common centre. Our path brought us, at last, up to a wall of yew-trees, growing close together, and intertwining their branches so, that nothing could be seen beyond it. An opening was cut in it like a door, and all the wall was trimmed smooth and perpendicular. The knight dismounted, and waited till I had provided for his horse’s comfort; upon which we entered the place together.

One afternoon, we started noticing some paths forming in the woods. Branches had been cut down and openings made, even though there were no actual paths worn in the ground. These signs became more frequent as we moved forward, until we finally came to a long, narrow avenue created by cutting down the trees along its length, as the remaining roots showed. A little way off on both sides, we saw signs of similar paths that seemed to be heading towards a common point with ours. Along these paths, we could vaguely see several figures moving, which seemed, like us, to be approaching the center. Eventually, our path led us to a wall of yew trees, growing tightly together and twisting their branches in such a way that nothing could be seen beyond it. There was an opening cut in it like a door, and the entire wall was trimmed smooth and straight up. The knight got off his horse and waited while I made sure his horse was comfortable; then we entered the place together.

It was a great space, bare of trees, and enclosed by four walls of yew, similar to that through which we had entered. These trees grew to a very great height, and did not divide from each other till close to the top, where their summits formed a row of conical battlements all around the walls. The space contained was a parallelogram of great length. Along each of the two longer sides of the interior, were ranged three ranks of men, in white robes, standing silent and solemn, each with a sword by his side, although the rest of his costume and bearing was more priestly than soldierly. For some distance inwards, the space between these opposite rows was filled with a company of men and women and children, in holiday attire. The looks of all were directed inwards, towards the further end. Far beyond the crowd, in a long avenue, seeming to narrow in the distance, went the long rows of the white-robed men. On what the attention of the multitude was fixed, we could not tell, for the sun had set before we arrived, and it was growing dark within. It grew darker and darker. The multitude waited in silence. The stars began to shine down into the enclosure, and they grew brighter and larger every moment. A wind arose, and swayed the pinnacles of the tree-tops; and made a strange sound, half like music, half like moaning, through the close branches and leaves of the tree-walls. A young girl who stood beside me, clothed in the same dress as the priests, bowed her head, and grew pale with awe.

It was a vast area, clear of trees, and surrounded by four walls of yew, similar to the one we had entered. These trees reached a great height, and didn’t separate from each other until they were near the top, where their tops formed a row of conical battlements all around the walls. The space was a long parallelogram. Along each of the two longer sides inside, were three rows of men in white robes, standing silently and seriously, each with a sword at his side, although their overall appearance was more priestly than military. For some distance inwards, the space between these opposite rows was filled with men, women, and children in festive clothing. Everyone was focused inward, towards the far end. Beyond the crowd, a long avenue stretched out, appearing to narrow in the distance, lined with the white-robed men. We couldn’t tell what the crowd was looking at, since the sun had set before we arrived, and it was getting darker inside. It became darker and darker. The crowd waited in silence. The stars started to shine down into the enclosure, getting brighter and larger with each moment. A wind picked up, swaying the tops of the trees and creating a strange sound, part music and part moaning, through the dense branches and leaves of the tree walls. A young girl standing beside me, dressed in the same clothing as the priests, lowered her head and grew pale with awe.

The knight whispered to me, “How solemn it is! Surely they wait to hear the voice of a prophet. There is something good near!”

The knight whispered to me, “How serious this is! They must be waiting to hear the voice of a prophet. Something good is definitely coming!”

But I, though somewhat shaken by the feeling expressed by my master, yet had an unaccountable conviction that here was something bad. So I resolved to be keenly on the watch for what should follow.

But I, though a bit unsettled by my master's feelings, still had a strange belief that something bad was happening. So I decided to stay alert for what would come next.

Suddenly a great star, like a sun, appeared high in the air over the temple, illuminating it throughout; and a great song arose from the men in white, which went rolling round and round the building, now receding to the end, and now approaching, down the other side, the place where we stood. For some of the singers were regularly ceasing, and the next to them as regularly taking up the song, so that it crept onwards with gradations produced by changes which could not themselves be detected, for only a few of those who were singing ceased at the same moment. The song paused; and I saw a company of six of the white-robed men walk up the centre of the human avenue, surrounding a youth gorgeously attired beneath his robe of white, and wearing a chaplet of flowers on his head. I followed them closely, with my keenest observation; and, by accompanying their slow progress with my eyes, I was able to perceive more clearly what took place when they arrived at the other end. I knew that my sight was so much more keen than that of most people, that I had good reason to suppose I should see more than the rest could, at such a distance. At the farther end a throne stood upon a platform, high above the heads of the surrounding priests. To this platform I saw the company begin to ascend, apparently by an inclined plane or gentle slope. The throne itself was elevated again, on a kind of square pedestal, to the top of which led a flight of steps. On the throne sat a majestic-looking figure, whose posture seemed to indicate a mixture of pride and benignity, as he looked down on the multitude below. The company ascended to the foot of the throne, where they all kneeled for some minutes; then they rose and passed round to the side of the pedestal upon which the throne stood. Here they crowded close behind the youth, putting him in the foremost place, and one of them opened a door in the pedestal, for the youth to enter. I was sure I saw him shrink back, and those crowding behind pushed him in. Then, again, arose a burst of song from the multitude in white, which lasted some time. When it ceased, a new company of seven commenced its march up the centre. As they advanced, I looked up at my master: his noble countenance was full of reverence and awe. Incapable of evil himself, he could scarcely suspect it in another, much less in a multitude such as this, and surrounded with such appearances of solemnity. I was certain it was the really grand accompaniments that overcame him; that the stars overhead, the dark towering tops of the yew-trees, and the wind that, like an unseen spirit, sighed through their branches, bowed his spirit to the belief, that in all these ceremonies lay some great mystical meaning which, his humility told him, his ignorance prevented him from understanding.

Suddenly, a bright star, like a sun, appeared high in the sky above the temple, lighting it up entirely; and a beautiful song rose from the men in white, echoing around the building, now fading into the distance, and then coming closer down the other side, where we stood. Some of the singers would stop regularly, and the next ones would pick up the song, which moved forward with subtle changes that were hard to notice since only a few singers stopped at the same time. The song paused, and I saw a group of six men in white robes walking down the center of the human lane, surrounding a young man dressed beautifully beneath his white robe, wearing a crown of flowers on his head. I followed them closely with my sharpest focus; accompanying their slow procession with my eyes allowed me to see more clearly what happened when they reached the other end. I was aware that my vision was sharper than most people's, so I had good reason to believe I would see more than others could from such a distance. At the far end, a throne stood on a platform, higher than the heads of the surrounding priests. I watched the group begin to ascend to this platform, apparently on a gentle slope. The throne itself was raised again, on a square pedestal, with a flight of steps leading to the top. A majestic figure sat on the throne, and their posture showed a mix of pride and kindness as they looked down on the crowd below. The group reached the foot of the throne, where they all knelt for a few minutes; then they stood and moved around to the side of the pedestal of the throne. Here, they gathered closely behind the young man, placing him at the front, and one of them opened a door in the pedestal for him to enter. I was sure I saw him hesitate, and those behind him pushed him inside. Then, a wave of song rose again from the crowd in white, lasting for a while. When it stopped, a new group of seven began their march up the center. As they moved forward, I looked up at my master: his noble face was full of reverence and awe. Incapable of evil himself, he could hardly suspect it in another, especially not in a crowd like this, surrounded by such a solemn atmosphere. I was convinced it was the truly grand sights that moved him; the stars overhead, the dark towering tops of the yew trees, and the wind that sighed through their branches like an unseen spirit bowed his spirit to believe that these ceremonies held some great mystical meaning which, in his humility, he felt his ignorance kept him from understanding.

More convinced than before, that there was evil here, I could not endure that my master should be deceived; that one like him, so pure and noble, should respect what, if my suspicions were true, was worse than the ordinary deceptions of priestcraft. I could not tell how far he might be led to countenance, and otherwise support their doings, before he should find cause to repent bitterly of his error. I watched the new procession yet more keenly, if possible, than the former. This time, the central figure was a girl; and, at the close, I observed, yet more indubitably, the shrinking back, and the crowding push. What happened to the victims, I never learned; but I had learned enough, and I could bear it no longer. I stooped, and whispered to the young girl who stood by me, to lend me her white garment. I wanted it, that I might not be entirely out of keeping with the solemnity, but might have at least this help to passing unquestioned. She looked up, half-amused and half-bewildered, as if doubting whether I was in earnest or not. But in her perplexity, she permitted me to unfasten it, and slip it down from her shoulders.

More convinced than ever that there was evil here, I couldn't stand the thought of my master being misled; that someone like him, so pure and noble, would respect something that, if my suspicions were correct, was worse than the usual tricks of priestcraft. I had no idea how far he might be led to support their actions before he realized his mistake and regretted it deeply. I watched the new procession even more closely than the last one. This time, the central figure was a girl; and at the end, I noticed even more clearly the way people shrank back and crowded together. I never found out what happened to the victims, but I had learned enough, and I couldn’t take it anymore. I leaned over and whispered to the young girl next to me, asking her to lend me her white garment. I wanted it so I wouldn’t completely clash with the solemnity of the moment, but at least would have some help to go unnoticed. She looked up, half-amused and half-confused, as if she couldn’t tell if I was serious. But in her confusion, she allowed me to unfasten it and slip it off her shoulders.

I easily got possession of it; and, sinking down on my knees in the crowd, I rose apparently in the habit of one of the worshippers.

I quickly took hold of it; and, kneeling down in the crowd, I stood up as if I were one of the worshippers.

Giving my battle-axe to the girl, to hold in pledge for the return of her stole, for I wished to test the matter unarmed, and, if it was a man that sat upon the throne, to attack him with hands bare, as I supposed his must be, I made my way through the crowd to the front, while the singing yet continued, desirous of reaching the platform while it was unoccupied by any of the priests. I was permitted to walk up the long avenue of white robes unmolested, though I saw questioning looks in many of the faces as I passed. I presume my coolness aided my passage; for I felt quite indifferent as to my own fate; not feeling, after the late events of my history, that I was at all worth taking care of; and enjoying, perhaps, something of an evil satisfaction, in the revenge I was thus taking upon the self which had fooled me so long. When I arrived on the platform, the song had just ceased, and I felt as if all were looking towards me. But instead of kneeling at its foot, I walked right up the stairs to the throne, laid hold of a great wooden image that seemed to sit upon it, and tried to hurl it from its seat. In this I failed at first, for I found it firmly fixed. But in dread lest, the first shock of amazement passing away, the guards would rush upon me before I had effected my purpose, I strained with all my might; and, with a noise as of the cracking, and breaking, and tearing of rotten wood, something gave way, and I hurled the image down the steps. Its displacement revealed a great hole in the throne, like the hollow of a decayed tree, going down apparently a great way. But I had no time to examine it, for, as I looked into it, up out of it rushed a great brute, like a wolf, but twice the size, and tumbled me headlong with itself, down the steps of the throne. As we fell, however, I caught it by the throat, and the moment we reached the platform, a struggle commenced, in which I soon got uppermost, with my hand upon its throat, and knee upon its heart. But now arose a wild cry of wrath and revenge and rescue. A universal hiss of steel, as every sword was swept from its scabbard, seemed to tear the very air in shreds. I heard the rush of hundreds towards the platform on which I knelt. I only tightened my grasp of the brute’s throat. His eyes were already starting from his head, and his tongue was hanging out. My anxious hope was, that, even after they had killed me, they would be unable to undo my gripe of his throat, before the monster was past breathing. I therefore threw all my will, and force, and purpose, into the grasping hand. I remember no blow. A faintness came over me, and my consciousness departed.

I gave my battle-axe to the girl as a pledge for getting her stole back, wanting to handle the situation without any weapons. If it turned out to be a man on the throne, I planned to confront him empty-handed, just as I thought he would be. I made my way through the crowd toward the front, hoping to reach the platform before any of the priests took their place. I walked past the long row of white robes without being stopped, though I noticed a lot of curious looks as I went by. I think my calmness helped me get through; I really didn’t care much about my own fate at that point, feeling like I wasn’t worth saving after everything that had happened to me. I almost felt a twisted pleasure in getting back at the part of me that had been fooled for so long. When I reached the platform, the singing had just finished, and it felt like all eyes were on me. But instead of kneeling, I walked straight up the stairs to the throne, grabbed a large wooden figure that seemed to be sitting there, and tried to throw it off the throne. At first, I couldn’t get it to budge because it was stuck tightly. But fearing that the shock of surprise wouldn’t last long and the guards would come after me before I accomplished my goal, I put all my strength into it. I heard a loud cracking and breaking sound, and then I managed to throw the figure down the steps. This revealed a big hole in the throne, similar to the hollow of a rotting tree, going down quite far. I didn’t have time to investigate it, though, because as I leaned in to look, a huge creature burst out—like a wolf but twice the size—and knocked me down the throne steps with it. As we fell, I grabbed it by the throat, and as soon as we hit the platform, a struggle broke out. I quickly got the upper hand, with my hand around its throat and my knee pressed against its chest. But then a loud, angry cry for vengeance and rescue erupted. A chorus of hissing steel echoed, as every sword was unsheathed, ripping through the air. I heard hundreds rushing toward the platform where I kneeled. I just tightened my grip on the creature's throat. Its eyes were bulging, and its tongue was hanging out. I hoped that even if they killed me, they wouldn’t be able to pry my hand off its throat before it was dead. So, I directed all my will and strength into that grip. I don’t remember feeling any blows. A wave of faintness hit me, and then I lost consciousness.

CHAPTER XXIV

“We are ne’er like angels till our passions die.”
          DECKAR.

“This wretched Inn, where we scarce stay to bait,
        We call our Dwelling-Place:
        We call one Step a Race:
But angels in their full enlightened state,
Angels, who Live, and know what ‘tis to Be,
Who all the nonsense of our language see,
Who speak things, and our words, their ill-drawn pictures, scorn,
    When we, by a foolish figure, say,
    Behold an old man dead! then they
Speak properly, and cry, Behold a man-child born!
          COWLEY.

“We are never like angels until our passions die.”
          DECKAR.

“This miserable Inn, where we hardly pause to rest,
        We call our Dwelling-Place:
        We refer to one Step as a Race:
But angels in their fully enlightened state,
Angels who Live and understand what it means to Be,
Who see all the nonsense in our language,
Who express things while mocking our words, their poorly drawn pictures,
    When we, in a silly way, say,
    Behold an old man dead! then they
Speak correctly and say, Behold a man-child born!
          COWLEY.

I was dead, and right content. I lay in my coffin, with my hands folded in peace. The knight, and the lady I loved, wept over me.

I was dead, and it felt just right. I lay in my coffin, hands folded peacefully. The knight and the lady I loved were crying over me.

Her tears fell on my face.

Her tears fell on my face.

“Ah!” said the knight, “I rushed amongst them like a madman. I hewed them down like brushwood. Their swords battered on me like hail, but hurt me not. I cut a lane through to my friend. He was dead. But he had throttled the monster, and I had to cut the handful out of its throat, before I could disengage and carry off his body. They dared not molest me as I brought him back.”

“Ah!” said the knight. “I charged in like a madman. I chopped them down like dried weeds. Their swords hit me like hail, but they didn’t hurt me. I carved a path to my friend. He was dead. But he had choked the monster, and I had to cut the handful out of its throat before I could free him and carry his body away. They didn’t dare stop me as I brought him back.”

“He has died well,” said the lady.

“He passed away peacefully,” said the lady.

My spirit rejoiced. They left me to my repose. I felt as if a cool hand had been laid upon my heart, and had stilled it. My soul was like a summer evening, after a heavy fall of rain, when the drops are yet glistening on the trees in the last rays of the down-going sun, and the wind of the twilight has begun to blow. The hot fever of life had gone by, and I breathed the clear mountain-air of the land of Death. I had never dreamed of such blessedness. It was not that I had in any way ceased to be what I had been. The very fact that anything can die, implies the existence of something that cannot die; which must either take to itself another form, as when the seed that is sown dies, and arises again; or, in conscious existence, may, perhaps, continue to lead a purely spiritual life. If my passions were dead, the souls of the passions, those essential mysteries of the spirit which had imbodied themselves in the passions, and had given to them all their glory and wonderment, yet lived, yet glowed, with a pure, undying fire. They rose above their vanishing earthly garments, and disclosed themselves angels of light. But oh, how beautiful beyond the old form! I lay thus for a time, and lived as it were an unradiating existence; my soul a motionless lake, that received all things and gave nothing back; satisfied in still contemplation, and spiritual consciousness.

My spirit was joyful. They left me to my rest. I felt as if a cool hand had been placed on my heart and had calmed it. My soul was like a summer evening after a heavy rain, when the drops were still glistening on the trees in the last rays of the setting sun, and the twilight breeze had begun to blow. The hot fever of life had passed, and I breathed the fresh mountain air of the land of Death. I had never imagined such bliss. It wasn't that I had somehow stopped being who I had been. The very fact that anything can die suggests the existence of something that cannot die; which must either take on another form, like when a seed that is sown dies and comes back to life; or, in conscious existence, may perhaps continue to live a purely spiritual life. If my passions were dead, the spirits of those passions, those essential mysteries of the soul that had embodied themselves in the passions and given them all their glory and wonder, still lived on, still glowed with a pure, undying fire. They rose above their fading earthly forms and revealed themselves as angels of light. But oh, how beautiful beyond the old form! I lay there for a while, existing in a way that seemed to lack radiance; my soul like a still lake, receiving everything and giving nothing back; content in quiet contemplation and spiritual awareness.

Ere long, they bore me to my grave. Never tired child lay down in his white bed, and heard the sound of his playthings being laid aside for the night, with a more luxurious satisfaction of repose than I knew, when I felt the coffin settle on the firm earth, and heard the sound of the falling mould upon its lid. It has not the same hollow rattle within the coffin, that it sends up to the edge of the grave. They buried me in no graveyard. They loved me too much for that, I thank them; but they laid me in the grounds of their own castle, amid many trees; where, as it was spring-time, were growing primroses, and blue-bells, and all the families of the woods

Soon, they took me to my grave. Never-tiring child lay down in his white bed and heard the sound of his toys being put away for the night, with a more comfortable sense of rest than I felt when the coffin settled on the solid ground and I heard the sound of dirt falling on its lid. It doesn't make the same hollow sound inside the coffin as it does at the edge of the grave. They didn't bury me in a cemetery. They loved me too much for that, and I'm grateful; instead, they laid me in the grounds of their own castle, among many trees, where, since it was spring, primroses, bluebells, and all the woodland families were growing.

Now that I lay in her bosom, the whole earth, and each of her many births, was as a body to me, at my will. I seemed to feel the great heart of the mother beating into mine, and feeding me with her own life, her own essential being and nature. I heard the footsteps of my friends above, and they sent a thrill through my heart. I knew that the helpers had gone, and that the knight and the lady remained, and spoke low, gentle, tearful words of him who lay beneath the yet wounded sod. I rose into a single large primrose that grew by the edge of the grave, and from the window of its humble, trusting face, looked full in the countenance of the lady. I felt that I could manifest myself in the primrose; that it said a part of what I wanted to say; just as in the old time, I had used to betake myself to a song for the same end. The flower caught her eye. She stooped and plucked it, saying, “Oh, you beautiful creature!” and, lightly kissing it, put it in her bosom. It was the first kiss she had ever given me. But the flower soon began to wither, and I forsook it.

Now that I was lying in her arms, the entire earth, along with all of her many lifetimes, felt like a body at my command. I could almost feel the great heartbeat of nature syncing with mine, nourishing me with her own life and essence. I heard my friends walking above, and it sent a rush through my heart. I realized that the helpers had left, and only the knight and the lady remained, speaking softly, gently, and with tears about the person lying beneath the still wounded ground. I transformed into a large primrose that was growing by the edge of the grave, and from its simple, trusting face, I gazed right into the lady's eyes. I felt like I could express myself through the primrose; it conveyed part of what I wanted to say, just like I used to express myself through song in the past. The flower caught her attention. She bent down, picked it, and said, “Oh, you beautiful creature!” then lightly kissed it and tucked it into her bosom. It was the first kiss she had ever given me. But soon, the flower began to wilt, and I left it behind.

It was evening. The sun was below the horizon; but his rosy beams yet illuminated a feathery cloud, that floated high above the world. I arose, I reached the cloud; and, throwing myself upon it, floated with it in sight of the sinking sun. He sank, and the cloud grew gray; but the grayness touched not my heart. It carried its rose-hue within; for now I could love without needing to be loved again. The moon came gliding up with all the past in her wan face. She changed my couch into a ghostly pallor, and threw all the earth below as to the bottom of a pale sea of dreams. But she could not make me sad. I knew now, that it is by loving, and not by being loved, that one can come nearest the soul of another; yea, that, where two love, it is the loving of each other, and not the being loved by each other, that originates and perfects and assures their blessedness. I knew that love gives to him that loveth, power over any soul beloved, even if that soul know him not, bringing him inwardly close to that spirit; a power that cannot be but for good; for in proportion as selfishness intrudes, the love ceases, and the power which springs therefrom dies. Yet all love will, one day, meet with its return. All true love will, one day, behold its own image in the eyes of the beloved, and be humbly glad. This is possible in the realms of lofty Death. “Ah! my friends,” thought I, “how I will tend you, and wait upon you, and haunt you with my love.”

It was evening. The sun had gone below the horizon, but its warm glow still lit up a fluffy cloud floating high above the world. I stood up, reached the cloud, and lay down on it, drifting in view of the setting sun. As he sank, the cloud turned gray, but that grayness didn’t touch my heart. It held onto its rosy color inside me because I could now love without needing to be loved back. The moon began to rise, her pale face reflecting all the memories of the past. She turned my resting place into a ghostly white and spread a dreamy haze over the earth below, like a pale sea. But she couldn't make me sad. I realized that it's through loving, not being loved, that someone can truly connect with another soul; indeed, where two people love each other, it's the act of loving that creates, perfects, and secures their happiness. I understood that love gives to the lover power over the beloved soul, even if that person doesn’t know them, drawing them closer inwardly; a power that can only be good because the more selfishness creeps in, the more love fades, and that power dies. Yet all love will, one day, find its return. True love will eventually see its own reflection in the beloved's eyes and feel quietly joyful. This is possible in the heights of noble Death. “Ah! my friends,” I thought, “how I will care for you, serve you, and surround you with my love.”

My floating chariot bore me over a great city. Its faint dull sound steamed up into the air—a sound—how composed? “How many hopeless cries,” thought I, “and how many mad shouts go to make up the tumult, here so faint where I float in eternal peace, knowing that they will one day be stilled in the surrounding calm, and that despair dies into infinite hope, and the seeming impossible there, is the law here!

My floating chariot carried me over a vast city. Its faint, dull noise drifted up into the air—a noise—how calm? “How many hopeless cries,” I thought, “and how many insane shouts contribute to this chaos, here so faint while I float in eternal peace, knowing that one day they will be quieted in the surrounding calm, and that despair fades into infinite hope, and what seems impossible there is the rule here!

“But, O pale-faced women, and gloomy-browed men, and forgotten children, how I will wait on you, and minister to you, and, putting my arms about you in the dark, think hope into your hearts, when you fancy no one is near! Soon as my senses have all come back, and have grown accustomed to this new blessed life, I will be among you with the love that healeth.”

“But, oh pale-faced women, and gloomy men, and forgotten children, how I will be there for you, and support you, and, wrapping my arms around you in the dark, bring hope to your hearts when you think no one is around! As soon as I regain my senses and adjust to this new, wonderful life, I will be with you with the love that heals.”

With this, a pang and a terrible shudder went through me; a writhing as of death convulsed me; and I became once again conscious of a more limited, even a bodily and earthly life.

With this, a sharp pain and a terrible shudder ran through me; a struggle like that of death seized me; and I became aware once again of a more restricted, even a physical and earthly existence.

CHAPTER XXV

“Our life is no dream; but it ought to become one, and perhaps will.”
          NOVALIS.

“And on the ground, which is my modres gate,
I knocke with my staf; erlich and late,
And say to hire, Leve mother, let me in.”
          CHAUCER, The Pardoneres Tale.

“Our life isn’t a dream, but it should become one, and maybe it will.”
          NOVALIS.

“And at the door, which is my mother’s gate,
I knock with my staff; early and late,
And say to her, Dear mother, let me in.”
          CHAUCER, The Pardoneres Tale.

Sinking from such a state of ideal bliss, into the world of shadows which again closed around and infolded me, my first dread was, not unnaturally, that my own shadow had found me again, and that my torture had commenced anew. It was a sad revulsion of feeling. This, indeed, seemed to correspond to what we think death is, before we die. Yet I felt within me a power of calm endurance to which I had hitherto been a stranger. For, in truth, that I should be able if only to think such things as I had been thinking, was an unspeakable delight. An hour of such peace made the turmoil of a lifetime worth striving through.

Sinking from such a state of perfect happiness into the world of shadows that closed in around me, my first fear was, understandably, that my own shadow had found me again and that my suffering had started all over. It was a deep shift in my emotions. This, in fact, seemed to match what we imagine death is like before we experience it. Yet, I felt a newfound ability to endure calmly, something I had never known before. Truly, just the fact that I could think about such things as I had been thinking was an indescribable joy. An hour of such peace made the struggles of a lifetime worth fighting through.

I found myself lying in the open air, in the early morning, before sunrise. Over me rose the summer heaven, expectant of the sun. The clouds already saw him, coming from afar; and soon every dewdrop would rejoice in his individual presence within it.

I found myself lying outside in the early morning, before sunrise. Above me was the summer sky, waiting for the sun. The clouds had already spotted him, coming from a distance; and soon every dewdrop would celebrate his unique presence.

I lay motionless for a few minutes; and then slowly rose and looked about me. I was on the summit of a little hill; a valley lay beneath, and a range of mountains closed up the view upon that side. But, to my horror, across the valley, and up the height of the opposing mountains, stretched, from my very feet, a hugely expanding shade. There it lay, long and large, dark and mighty. I turned away with a sick despair; when lo! I beheld the sun just lifting his head above the eastern hill, and the shadow that fell from me, lay only where his beams fell not. I danced for joy. It was only the natural shadow, that goes with every man who walks in the sun. As he arose, higher and higher, the shadow-head sank down the side of the opposite hill, and crept in across the valley towards my feet.

I lay still for a few minutes, then slowly got up and looked around. I was at the top of a small hill; a valley stretched below me, and a range of mountains blocked the view on that side. But, to my horror, across the valley and up the height of the opposite mountains, there was a huge shadow stretching out from my feet. It lay there, long and broad, dark and powerful. I turned away in despair, but then I saw the sun just starting to rise above the eastern hill, and the shadow coming from me only fell where its light couldn’t reach. I felt overjoyed. It was just the natural shadow that follows every person walking in the sun. As the sun rose higher and higher, the shadow shrank down the other side of the hill and crept across the valley toward my feet.

Now that I was so joyously delivered from this fear, I saw and recognised the country around me. In the valley below, lay my own castle, and the haunts of my childhood were all about me hastened home. My sisters received me with unspeakable joy; but I suppose they observed some change in me, for a kind of respect, with a slight touch of awe in it, mingled with their joy, and made me ashamed. They had been in great distress about me. On the morning of my disappearance, they had found the floor of my room flooded; and, all that day, a wondrous and nearly impervious mist had hung about the castle and grounds. I had been gone, they told me, twenty-one days. To me it seemed twenty-one years. Nor could I yet feel quite secure in my new experiences. When, at night, I lay down once more in my own bed, I did not feel at all sure that when I awoke, I should not find myself in some mysterious region of Fairy Land. My dreams were incessant and perturbed; but when I did awake, I saw clearly that I was in my own home.

Now that I was happily free from this fear, I looked around and recognized the area around me. In the valley below was my castle, and the places from my childhood were right there as I rushed home. My sisters welcomed me with indescribable joy, but I noticed they saw some change in me, as a kind of respect mixed with a hint of awe tinged their happiness, which made me feel embarrassed. They had been extremely worried about me. On the morning I disappeared, they found the floor of my room drenched; and all that day, a strange and nearly impenetrable mist had hung around the castle and grounds. They told me I had been gone for twenty-one days. To me, it felt like twenty-one years. I still couldn’t shake off the uncertainty of my new experiences. When I lay down again in my own bed at night, I wasn't sure that when I woke up, I wouldn’t find myself in some mysterious land of fairies. My dreams were endless and disturbed; but when I finally woke up, I clearly saw that I was in my own home.

My mind soon grew calm; and I began the duties of my new position, somewhat instructed, I hoped, by the adventures that had befallen me in Fairy Land. Could I translate the experience of my travels there, into common life? This was the question. Or must I live it all over again, and learn it all over again, in the other forms that belong to the world of men, whose experience yet runs parallel to that of Fairy Land? These questions I cannot answer yet. But I fear.

My mind soon became calm, and I began the responsibilities of my new position, hoping that the adventures I'd experienced in Fairy Land had taught me something. Could I apply what I learned from my travels there to everyday life? That was the question. Or would I have to go through it all again and learn it all over from the different experiences that exist in the human world, which still run parallel to those of Fairy Land? I can't answer these questions yet. But I worry.

Even yet, I find myself looking round sometimes with anxiety, to see whether my shadow falls right away from the sun or no. I have never yet discovered any inclination to either side. And if I am not unfrequently sad, I yet cast no more of a shade on the earth, than most men who have lived in it as long as I. I have a strange feeling sometimes, that I am a ghost, sent into the world to minister to my fellow men, or, rather, to repair the wrongs I have already done.

Even so, I sometimes find myself looking around anxiously to see if my shadow falls away from the sun or not. I’ve never noticed any preference either way. And even if I often feel sad, I still cast no more of a shadow on the earth than most men who have lived as long as I have. I occasionally have a strange feeling that I’m a ghost, sent into the world to help my fellow humans or, rather, to make up for the wrongs I’ve already done.

May the world be brighter for me, at least in those portions of it, where my darkness falls not.

May the world be brighter for me, at least in the parts of it where my darkness doesn’t reach.

Thus I, who set out to find my Ideal, came back rejoicing that I had lost my Shadow.

Thus I, who set out to find my ideal, returned happy that I had lost my shadow.

When the thought of the blessedness I experienced, after my death in Fairy Land, is too high for me to lay hold upon it and hope in it, I often think of the wise woman in the cottage, and of her solemn assurance that she knew something too good to be told. When I am oppressed by any sorrow or real perplexity, I often feel as if I had only left her cottage for a time, and would soon return out of the vision, into it again. Sometimes, on such occasions, I find myself, unconsciously almost, looking about for the mystic mark of red, with the vague hope of entering her door, and being comforted by her wise tenderness. I then console myself by saying: “I have come through the door of Dismay; and the way back from the world into which that has led me, is through my tomb. Upon that the red sign lies, and I shall find it one day, and be glad.”

When I think about the blessedness I felt after my death in Fairy Land, and it feels too overwhelming to grasp or hold onto, I often remember the wise woman in the cottage and her serious promise that she knew something too wonderful to share. When I'm weighed down by sorrow or real confusion, it often seems like I’ve just stepped out of her cottage for a bit and will soon return from the vision back to her. Sometimes, during these moments, I catch myself almost unconsciously searching for the mystical red mark, hoping to enter her door and be comforted by her wise kindness. I then comfort myself by saying: “I’ve passed through the door of Dismay; and the way back from the world that led me here is through my tomb. The red sign is on that, and I will find it one day and be happy.”

I will end my story with the relation of an incident which befell me a few days ago. I had been with my reapers, and, when they ceased their work at noon, I had lain down under the shadow of a great, ancient beech-tree, that stood on the edge of the field. As I lay, with my eyes closed, I began to listen to the sound of the leaves overhead. At first, they made sweet inarticulate music alone; but, by-and-by, the sound seemed to begin to take shape, and to be gradually moulding itself into words; till, at last, I seemed able to distinguish these, half-dissolved in a little ocean of circumfluent tones: “A great good is coming—is coming—is coming to thee, Anodos;” and so over and over again. I fancied that the sound reminded me of the voice of the ancient woman, in the cottage that was four-square. I opened my eyes, and, for a moment, almost believed that I saw her face, with its many wrinkles and its young eyes, looking at me from between two hoary branches of the beech overhead. But when I looked more keenly, I saw only twigs and leaves, and the infinite sky, in tiny spots, gazing through between. Yet I know that good is coming to me—that good is always coming; though few have at all times the simplicity and the courage to believe it. What we call evil, is the only and best shape, which, for the person and his condition at the time, could be assumed by the best good. And so, Farewell.

I will wrap up my story with an incident that happened to me a few days ago. I had been with my harvesters, and when they took a break at noon, I laid down under the shade of a large, ancient beech tree at the edge of the field. As I lay there with my eyes closed, I started to listen to the sound of the leaves rustling above me. At first, it produced a sweet, indescribable melody on its own; but gradually, the sound seemed to take shape and started to form itself into words, until finally, I could distinguish this message, half-dissolved in a little sea of surrounding tones: “A great good is coming—is coming—is coming to you, Anodos;” repeating over and over. I thought the sound reminded me of the voice of the elderly woman in the square cottage. I opened my eyes and for a moment, almost believed I could see her face, with its many wrinkles and youthful eyes, looking at me from between two gray branches of the beech tree above. But when I looked more closely, I saw only twigs and leaves, with the infinite sky peeking through in tiny spots. Yet I know that good is coming to me—that good is always on its way; though few people have the simplicity and courage to believe this at all times. What we label as evil is just the only and best form that the best good can take for the person and their situation at that moment. And so, Farewell.


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