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The Augustan Reprint Society
The Augustan Reprint Society
THE
THE
TOY-SHOP
Toy Store
(1735)
(1735)
THE
THE
KING
KING
AND THE
AND THE
MILLER
MILLER
OF MANSFIELD
Mansfield
(1737)
(1737)
ROBERT DODSLEY
Robert Dodsley
Introduction by
Introduction by
HARRY M. SOLOMON
HARRY M. SOLOMON
Publication Number 218-219
Publication No. 218-219
WILLIAM ANDREWS CLARK MEMORIAL LIBRARY
WILLIAM ANDREWS CLARK MEMORIAL LIBRARY
University of California, Los Angeles
UCLA
1983
1983
GENERAL EDITOR
EDITOR-IN-CHIEF
- David Stuart Rodes, University of California, Los Angeles
EDITORS
EDITORS
- Charles L. Batten, University of California, Los Angeles
- George R. Guffey, University of California, Los Angeles
- Max Novak, University of California, Los Angeles
- Nancy M. Shea, William Andrews Clark Memorial Library
- Tom Wright, William Andrews Clark Memorial Library
ADVISORY EDITORS
Advisory Editors
- Ralph Cohen, University of Virginia
- William E. Conway, William Andrews Clark Memorial Library
- Vinton A. Dearing, University of California, Los Angeles
- Phillip Harth, University of Wisconsin, Madison
- Louis A. Landa, Princeton University
- Earl Miner, Princeton University
- James Sutherland, University College, London
- Norman J.W. Thrower, William Andrews Clark Memorial Library
- Robert Vosper, William Andrews Clark Memorial Library
- John M. Wallace, University of Chicago
PUBLICATIONS MANAGER
Publications Manager
- Nancy M. Shea, William Andrews Clark Memorial Library
CORRESPONDING SECRETARY
Corresponding Secretary
- Beverly Onley, William Andrews Clark Memorial Library
EDITORIAL ASSISTANT
Editorial Assistant
- Frances M. Reed, University of California, Los Angeles
INTRODUCTION
INTRODUCTION
The career of Robert Dodsley (1703-1764), or "Doddy" as Samuel Johnson affectionately called him, resembles nothing so much as the rise of Francis Goodchild in Hogarth's Industry and Idleness (1747) series. Like Goodchild, Dodsley began as a humble apprentice and, through energy, ingenuity, and laudable ambition, grew prosperous and gained the esteem of all London. Today Dodsley is remembered as the most important publisher of his period, a man who numbered among his authors Pope, Young, Akenside, Gray, Johnson, Burke, Shenstone, and Sterne. His long-labored Collection of Poems (1748) rescued many of his contemporaries' works from pamphlet obscurity and even now provides both the best and the most representative introduction to mid-eighteenth-century English poetry. His twelve-volume A Select Collection of Old Plays (1744) made the lesser Elizabethan dramatists, long out of print, available again.
Tthe career of Robert Dodsley (1703-1764), known as "Doddy" by Samuel Johnson, is strikingly similar to the rise of Francis Goodchild in Hogarth's Industry and Idleness (1747) series. Like Goodchild, Dodsley started as a humble apprentice and, through hard work, creativity, and admirable ambition, became successful and earned the respect of all London. Today, Dodsley is remembered as the most significant publisher of his time, associated with authors like Pope, Young, Akenside, Gray, Johnson, Burke, Shenstone, and Sterne. His meticulously crafted Collection of Poems (1748) saved many works of his contemporaries from being forgotten pamphlets and still offers the best and most representative introduction to mid-eighteenth-century English poetry. His twelve-volume A Select Collection of Old Plays (1744) made the lesser-known Elizabethan dramatists, who had long been out of print, accessible again.
It is one of the minor ironies of literary history that the man who did so much to insure the survival of the poems and plays of others has had his own almost entirely forgotten. For Dodsley was not always a bookseller. When he escaped his country apprenticeship and fled to London to work as a footman, Dodsley had his heart set on literary distinction; and it was first as poet and later as playwright that he came to the attention of the Town. Although a few of his poems are as ingratiating as Dodsley himself is reported to have been, most are now aesthetically irretrievable. His dramas, in contrast, remain interesting. Two of the best—The Toy-Shop (1735) and The King and the Miller of Mansfield (1737)—were much more popular than his earlier poems and for a time made him seem the equal of fellow dramatist Henry Fielding. So great was the vogue of these two works that Dodsley has been described as the principal developer of the sentimental or moralizing afterpiece.[1] Both works are short afterpieces intended to complement or contrast with the full-length play on the day's bill and both moralize conspicuously; the two plays could, however, hardly be more different in tone and technique.
It’s one of the lesser ironies of literary history that the man who helped ensure the survival of others' poems and plays is nearly forgotten himself. Dodsley wasn’t always a bookseller. After escaping his rural apprenticeship and running off to London to work as a footman, Dodsley aimed for literary fame; he first gained attention as a poet and later as a playwright. While a few of his poems are as charming as Dodsley is said to have been, most have lost their appeal. In contrast, his dramas are still interesting. Two of his best—The Toy-Shop (1735) and The King and the Miller of Mansfield (1737)—were far more popular than his earlier poems and momentarily positioned him as the equal of fellow playwright Henry Fielding. The popularity of these two works was so great that Dodsley was noted as a key developer of the sentimental or moralizing afterpiece.[1] Both plays are short afterpieces meant to complement or contrast with the main play of the day and both clearly convey morals; however, the two are strikingly different in tone and style.
The Toy-Shop grew out of Dodsley's admiration of and consequent desire to emulate the witty raillery of Augustan satire. When he sent Pope his newly minted collected poems, A Muse in Livery (1732), Dodsley also included an orphan muse in the packet. In February of 1733 Pope politely responded that he liked the play and would encourage John Rich to produce it, but that he doubted whether it had sufficient action to engage an audience. Dodsley apparently did all he could to strengthen his acquaintance with Pope, including publishing a laudatory Epistle to Mr. Pope, Occasion'd by His Essay on Man in 1734; and the following February when Rich finally produced The Toy-Shop at Covent Garden, some thought that Pope was the author and Dodsley's alleged authorship a diversion. Understandably, Dodsley was delighted to have his play even momentarily mistaken for the work of Alexander Pope.
The Toy-Shop came from Dodsley's admiration for and desire to replicate the clever teasing of Augustan satire. When he sent Pope his newly published collection of poems, A Muse in Livery (1732), Dodsley also included an extra muse in the package. In February 1733, Pope politely replied that he enjoyed the play and would encourage John Rich to produce it, but he doubted it had enough action to keep an audience engaged. Dodsley seemingly did everything he could to strengthen his relationship with Pope, including publishing a complimentary Epistle to Mr. Pope, Occasion’d by His Essay on Man in 1734; and the following February, when Rich finally staged The Toy-Shop at Covent Garden, some people mistakenly thought that Pope was the writer and that Dodsley's claimed authorship was just a distraction. Naturally, Dodsley was thrilled to have his play momentarily confused with the work of Alexander Pope.
The Toy-Shop was enormously popular. "This little Performance, without any Theatrical Merit whatsoever," the Prompter wrote on 18 February, "received the loudest Applauses that I have heard this long while, only on Account of its General and well-Adapted Satire on the Follies of Mankind."[2] Dodsley's afterpiece was performed thirty-four times during the 1735 season. In print it was even more in demand. For his benefit performance on 6 February, Dodsley advertised that "Books of the Toy-Shop will be sold in the House."[3] There were at least six legitimate editions of the piece within the year. It was pirated, translated into French, and subsequently anthologized in almost every collection of English farces.[4]
The Toy-Shop was hugely popular. "This little show, which has no theatrical value whatsoever," the Prompter wrote on February 18, "received the loudest applause I've heard in a long time, simply because of its general and well-suited satire on the foolishness of mankind."[2] Dodsley's afterpiece was performed thirty-four times during the 1735 season. In print, it was even more sought after. For his benefit performance on February 6, Dodsley advertised that "Books of the Toy-Shop will be sold in the house."[3] There were at least six legitimate editions of the piece released within the year. It was pirated, translated into French, and then included in almost every collection of English farces.[4]
Every critic has concurred with Pope in finding the play plotless. The short first scene establishes the premise: that the Master of the shop is "a general Satyrist, yet not rude nor ill-natur'd," who moralizes "upon every Trifle he sells, and will strike a Lesson of Instruction out of a Snuff-box, a Thimble, or a Cockle-shell" (p. 10). Working within a tradition that includes Lucian's sale of philosophers and, just after The Toy-Shop, Fielding's auction in The Historical Register, For the Year 1736 (1737), Dodsley acknowledged that his premise was adopted directly from Thomas Randolph's Conceited Pedlar (1630). His metaphor of the world as "a great Toy-shop, and all it's [sic] Inhabitants run mad for Rattles" (p. 45) recalls the brilliant penultimate verse paragraph of "Epistle II" of Pope's Essay on Man, wherein mankind is shown as eternally addicted to "toys" of one kind or another:
Every critic has agreed with Pope that the play has no plot. The brief opening scene sets the stage: the shopkeeper is "a general satirist, yet not rude or unpleasant," who moralizes "about every little thing he sells and can draw a lesson from a snuff box, a thimble, or a cockle shell" (p. 10). Working within a tradition that includes Lucian's sale of philosophers and, just after The Toy-Shop, Fielding's auction in The Historical Register, For the Year 1736 (1737), Dodsley admitted that his idea was directly taken from Thomas Randolph's Conceited Pedlar (1630). His metaphor of the world as "a big toy shop, and all its [sic] inhabitants go crazy for rattles" (p. 45) echoes the brilliant second-to-last verse of "Epistle II" in Pope's Essay on Man, where humanity is depicted as perpetually hooked on "toys" of various sorts:
Pleas'd with this bauble still, as that before;
Pleased with this trinket still, just like the one before;
Till tir'd he sleeps, and Life's poor play is o'er!
Till tired, he sleeps, and life's brief performance is over!
(Lines 281-82)
(Lines 281-82)
With so many unmistakable resemblances to Pope in Dodsley's play, it is not surprising that some spectators thought they detected the hand of the author of The Rape of the Lock.
With so many clear similarities to Pope in Dodsley's play, it's not surprising that some viewers thought they recognized the influence of the author of The Rape of the Lock.
Following a hint from Pope that the strength of his afterpiece lay in its mixture of morality and satire, Dodsley titled his work "A Dramatick Satire" and begged indulgence in the epilogue for his "dull grave Sermon" (p. 5). In fact, the merit of the work is the wit with which the Master of the shop extemporizes over each sale. "Why, Sir," one character says, "methinks you are a new Kind of a Satirical Parson, your Shop is your Scripture, and every piece of Goods a different Text, from which you expose the Vices and Follies of Mankind in a very fine allegorical Sermon" (p. 17). Jean Kern lists the satiric allegory as one of the five major forms of dramatic satire during this period, but judges The Toy-Shop a failure in that genre because, instead of a sustained allegory, Dodsley provides "a jumble of annotated sales of abstractions with no controlling metaphor. The toys for sale are interesting only for the value which the characters assign to them; the result is a miscellany of characters assigning a miscellany of values."[5] Thus, the problematic nature of a genre that attempts to dramatize satire with no more than perfunctory recourse to plot or characterization and Dodsley's failure to sustain consistently his comparison between those objects that mankind values and mere toys both contribute to the play's lack of "Theatrical Merit." It may also suggest why The Toy-Shop was even more popular in print than on the stage. Nevertheless, even with all its dramatic inadequacies acknowledged, the play retains a charming Tatler-esque ingenuity that still amuses.
Following a suggestion from the Pope that the strength of his play was in its mix of morality and satire, Dodsley named his work "A Dramatick Satire" and asked for forgiveness in the epilogue for his "dull grave Sermon" (p. 5). In fact, the real strength of the piece is the cleverness with which the shopkeeper riffs on each sale. "Why, Sir," one character remarks, "I think you’re a new kind of Satirical Parson; your shop is your scripture, and every item is a different text from which you highlight the vices and follies of humanity in a very clever allegorical sermon" (p. 17). Jean Kern lists satirical allegory as one of the five main forms of dramatic satire from this time period but considers The Toy-Shop a failure in that category because, instead of a consistent allegory, Dodsley produces "a mix of annotated sales of abstractions with no unifying metaphor. The toys for sale are only interesting for the value that the characters place on them; the result is a collection of characters assigning a collection of values." Thus, the troublesome nature of a genre that tries to dramatize satire with little more than minimal plot or characterization, along with Dodsley’s inability to consistently compare the objects that humanity values with mere toys, all contribute to the play's lack of "Theatrical Merit." It might also explain why The Toy-Shop was even more popular in print than on the stage. Nevertheless, even with all its dramatic shortcomings, the play maintains a delightful Tatler-esque ingenuity that still entertains.
Income from The Toy-Shop and the gift of a hundred pounds from Pope allowed Dodsley to open, under the sign of Tully's Head, the bookshop that was to become so important in the history of English literature. Dodsley the bookseller did not cease writing; when The King and the Miller of Mansfield opened at Drury Lane on 29 January 1737, with young Colley Cibber in the role of Henry II, it was evident that Dodsley's stagecraft had improved. The play was a triumph, with thirty-seven performances in 1737—the most popular play of the year and one of the most popular plays of the century.
Income from The Toy-Shop and the gift of a hundred pounds from Pope enabled Dodsley to open, under the sign of Tully's Head, the bookstore that would become so significant in the history of English literature. Dodsley the bookseller didn’t stop writing; when The King and the Miller of Mansfield premiered at Drury Lane on January 29, 1737, with young Colley Cibber playing Henry II, it was clear that Dodsley's skills in stagecraft had improved. The play was a success, with thirty-seven performances in 1737—the most popular play of the year and one of the most celebrated plays of the century.
The Toy-Shop had been Dodsley's attempt to adopt sophisticated city ways; The King and the Miller of Mansfield is a return to his "native Sherwood." Instead of indulging in the sometimes labored, sometimes second-hand wit and contemptuous satiric stance of the earlier play, The King and the Miller of Mansfield reflects the earnest sentimentality and democratic impulse of the ballad, later printed in Percy's Reliques (1765), upon which the play is modeled. The plot is simple. Henry II, lost and separated from his courtiers in Sherwood Forest, is given shelter by honest John Cockle, a miller in nearby Mansfield and one of His Majesty's Keepers of the Forest. Meanwhile, at the miller's house, his son Dick and Dick's former sweetheart Peggy plan how to gain access to the king so that he might redress the wrongs done to their innocent love by the lust of the haughty Lord Lurewell. By coincidence Lurewell is one of the courtiers lost in the forest. In the final scene, with all the principals assembled, the king's identity is made known and distributive justice dispensed.
The Toy-Shop was Dodsley's attempt to embrace sophisticated urban culture; The King and the Miller of Mansfield is a return to his "native Sherwood." Instead of the sometimes forced, sometimes borrowed humor and sarcastic tone of the earlier play, The King and the Miller of Mansfield captures the genuine sentimentality and democratic spirit of the ballad, which was later published in Percy's Reliques (1765) and serves as the inspiration for the play. The plot is straightforward. Henry II, who is lost and separated from his courtiers in Sherwood Forest, finds refuge with honest John Cockle, a miller from Mansfield and one of His Majesty's Keepers of the Forest. Meanwhile, at the miller's home, his son Dick and Dick's former girlfriend Peggy devise a plan to reach the king so he can address the injustices inflicted on their innocent love by the arrogance of the proud Lord Lurewell. By chance, Lurewell is among the courtiers lost in the forest. In the final scene, with all the key characters present, the king's true identity is revealed and justice is served.
Allardyce Nicoll argues that the success of The King and the Miller of Mansfield makes Dodsley the most important sentimentalist of the thirties.[6] Certainly the play was frequently produced with revivals of earlier sentimental works like Cibber's Love's Last Shift (1696) and Steele's The Conscious Lovers (1723); and, in fact, it would be difficult to find a list of definitive characteristics of sentimental drama that Dodsley's play does not satisfy in every particular. The bourgeois nobility and integrity of Dick and Peggy poignantly engage the audience's pity and admiration, while the improbable resolution affirms the inevitable triumph of goodness. There is even—what some critics have required of sentimental drama—love of rural scenery and use of native setting.[7]
Allardyce Nicoll argues that the success of The King and the Miller of Mansfield makes Dodsley the most significant sentimentalist of the 1730s.[6] The play was often produced alongside revivals of earlier sentimental works like Cibber's Love's Last Shift (1696) and Steele's The Conscious Lovers (1723); in fact, it would be hard to find a list of defining traits of sentimental drama that Dodsley's play doesn't meet perfectly. The middle-class nobility and integrity of Dick and Peggy deeply move the audience's pity and admiration, while the unlikely resolution confirms the inevitable victory of goodness. There’s even—what some critics have demanded from sentimental drama—a love of rural scenery and use of a local setting.[7]
Dodsley has cleverly integrated scene and theme in The King and the Miller of Mansfield. The moral and social problem stressed in the play is the existence and abuse of aristocratic privilege. Implicitly the play assumes that rank should correlate with goodness. The king himself is the best example of this. Alone at night in Sherwood Forest, Henry asks himself, "Of what Advantage is it now to be a King? Night shews me no Respect: I cannot see better, nor walk so well as another Man" (p. 11). Cut off from the trappings of monarchy he finds his common humanity and, at the conclusion of the play, redresses the wrongs of rank when he knights the instinctively noble miller and reproves the vicious but hereditarily titled Lord Lurewell. His accidental separation from the corruption of court and courtiers initiates Henry's contact with John Cockle, representative of all the middle-class virtues. Significantly, they are in the miller's environment: rural England, symbol of uncorrupted beauty, correlative to the innocent beauty of young Peggy before her acquaintance with Lords "of Prerogative."[8]
Dodsley has cleverly blended scene and theme in The King and the Miller of Mansfield. The play highlights the moral and social issue of the existence and abuse of aristocratic privilege. It implicitly suggests that rank should align with goodness. The king himself exemplifies this idea. Alone at night in Sherwood Forest, Henry reflects, "What good is it to be a King now? Night shows me no Respect: I can't see better, nor walk any better than another man" (p. 11). Stripped of the trappings of royalty, he discovers his shared humanity and, at the end of the play, corrects the injustices of rank by knighting the inherently noble miller and scolding the corrupt, yet titled, Lord Lurewell. His accidental detachment from the corruption of the court leads Henry to meet John Cockle, who represents all the virtues of the middle class. It's important that they are in the miller's environment: rural England, a symbol of untouched beauty, which parallels the innocent charm of young Peggy before she meets the "Lords of Prerogative." [8]
As critics have noted, the whole sentimental movement in English drama is opposed in tone to the cynical ethos of aristocratic privilege; but Dodsley explicitly advocates a democratic sensibility that estimates individual worth independent of the accident of birth. The "bourgeois sententiae" of The King and the Miller of Mansfield are certainly as ideologically explicit as the arguments for the value of the mercantile middle class in Lillo's The London Merchant (1731).[9] Dodsley did, after all, have working-class credentials; his years in "service" furnished the materials for Servitude: A Poem (1729) and A Muse in Livery (1732). The allegorical frontispiece to A Muse in Livery shows a young man aspiring to knowledge, virtue, and happiness but manacled by poverty to misery, folly, and ignorance, his foot chained to a giant stone inscribed "Despair."
As critics have pointed out, the entire sentimental movement in English drama contrasts sharply with the cynical attitudes of aristocratic privilege; however, Dodsley clearly promotes a democratic perspective that values individual worth regardless of how one is born. The "middle-class sentiments" in The King and the Miller of Mansfield are definitely as ideologically clear as the arguments for the importance of the merchant middle class in Lillo's The London Merchant (1731).[9] Dodsley, after all, had working-class roots; his time in "service" provided the inspiration for Servitude: A Poem (1729) and A Muse in Livery (1732). The allegorical frontispiece of A Muse in Livery depicts a young man yearning for knowledge, virtue, and happiness but bound by poverty to misery, foolishness, and ignorance, with his foot chained to a massive stone labeled "Despair."
Despite the play's clear egalitarian sympathies, it seems excessive to characterize Dodsley's work as "revolutionary" and to be reminded too forcibly of the coming events in France. And yet, as has also been suggested, things might now look different had there been a revolution in England. Plays like Dodsley's discomforted the government. As Fielding notes in the dedication of The Historical Register, For the Year 1736, the Gazetteer of 7 May 1737 had accused his play and Dodsley's The King and the Miller of Mansfield of aiming at the overthrow of Walpole's ministry. "Bob Booty" reacted to this threat from the stage by enacting legislation in June requiring that all new plays and all alterations of old plays be approved by the Lord Chamberlain; in contrast, the reaction of the monarchy to Dodsley's work was much more ingenious. The third performance of The King and the Miller of Mansfield, that from which the author was to receive the proceeds, was held "By Command of their Royal Highness the Prince and Princess of Wales." Both royal personages were present to honor the apprentice from Mansfield. "The Boxes not being equal to the Demand for Places, for the better Accommodation of the Ladies, Side Boxes [were] made on the Stage."[10] Although the production of Dodsley's best play, Cleone (1758), was still twenty years in the future, it seems safe to regard this night as the height of Dodsley's dramatic career.
Despite the play's clear support for equality, it's a bit much to call Dodsley's work "revolutionary" and to be reminded too forcefully of the upcoming events in France. Yet, as has been suggested, things might look different now had there been a revolution in England. Dodsley's plays unsettled the government. As Fielding notes in the dedication of The Historical Register, For the Year 1736, the Gazetteer from May 7, 1737, accused his play and Dodsley's The King and the Miller of Mansfield of trying to bring down Walpole's ministry. "Bob Booty" responded to this threat from the stage by passing a law in June that required all new plays and any changes to old plays to be approved by the Lord Chamberlain; in contrast, the monarchy's reaction to Dodsley's work was much more clever. The third performance of The King and the Miller of Mansfield, from which the author was to receive the profits, was held "By Command of their Royal Highness the Prince and Princess of Wales." Both royals were present to celebrate the apprentice from Mansfield. "The Boxes not being equal to the Demand for Places, for the better Accommodation of the Ladies, Side Boxes [were] made on the Stage."[10] Although the production of Dodsley's best play, Cleone (1758), was still twenty years away, it seems reasonable to consider this night as the peak of Dodsley's dramatic career.
Auburn University
Auburn University
NOTES TO THE INTRODUCTION
NOTES ON THE INTRODUCTION
1. Leo Hughes, A Century of English Farce (Princeton: Princeton University Press, 1956), 126.
1. Leo Hughes, A Century of English Farce (Princeton: Princeton University Press, 1956), 126.
2. The London Stage 1660-1800: Part 3: 1729-1747, ed. Arthur H. Scouten (Carbondale: Southern Illinois University Press, 1961), 457.
2. The London Stage 1660-1800: Part 3: 1729-1747, edited by Arthur H. Scouten (Carbondale: Southern Illinois University Press, 1961), 457.
3. Ibid., 458.
Ibid., 458.
4. Ralph Straus, Robert Dodsley: Poet, Publisher and Playwright (London: John Lane, 1910), 35.
4. Ralph Straus, Robert Dodsley: Poet, Publisher and Playwright (London: John Lane, 1910), 35.
5. Jean B. Kern, Dramatic Satire in the Age of Walpole, 1720-1750 (Ames: Iowa State University Press, 1976), 149.
5. Jean B. Kern, Dramatic Satire in the Age of Walpole, 1720-1750 (Ames: Iowa State University Press, 1976), 149.
6. Allardyce Nicoll, A History of English Drama 1660-1900, 6 vols. (Cambridge: Cambridge University Press, 1955-60), 2:204.
6. Allardyce Nicoll, A History of English Drama 1660-1900, 6 vols. (Cambridge: Cambridge University Press, 1955-60), 2:204.
7. For a survey of attempts to characterize sentimental drama, see Arthur Sherbo, English Sentimental Drama (East Lansing: Michigan State University Press, 1957).
7. For a look at efforts to define sentimental drama, see Arthur Sherbo, English Sentimental Drama (East Lansing: Michigan State University Press, 1957).
8. John Loftis, The Politics of Drama in Augustan England (Oxford: Clarendon Press, 1963), 116-17.
8. John Loftis, The Politics of Drama in Augustan England (Oxford: Clarendon Press, 1963), 116-17.
9. Laura Brown, English Dramatic Form, 1660-1760: An Essay in Generic History (New Haven: Yale University Press, 1981), 148.
9. Laura Brown, English Dramatic Form, 1660-1760: An Essay in Generic History (New Haven: Yale University Press, 1981), 148.
10. London Stage: Part 3, 635.
London Stage: Part 3, 635.
BIBLIOGRAPHICAL NOTE
BIBLIOGRAPHICAL NOTE
The Toy-Shop (1735) is reproduced from the copy of the first edition in the Henry E. Huntington Library (Shelf Mark: 152063). A typical type-page (p. 23) measures 135 x 72 mm.
The Toy-Shop (1735) is reproduced from the first edition copy in the Henry E. Huntington Library (Shelf Mark: 152063). A standard type page (p. 23) measures 135 x 72 mm.
The King and the Miller of Mansfield (1737) is reproduced from the copy of the first edition in the William Andrews Clark Memorial Library (Shelf Mark: *PR3409/D7K5). A typical type-page (p. 13) measures 145 x 73 mm.
The King and the Miller of Mansfield (1737) is taken from the first edition copy in the William Andrews Clark Memorial Library (Shelf Mark: *PR3409/D7K5). A typical type-page (p. 13) measures 145 x 73 mm.
THE
THE
TOY-SHOP.
Toy store.
A
A
Dramatick Satire.
Dramatic Satire.
By Robert Dodsley,
By Robert Dodsley,
Author of The Art of Charming.
Author of The Art of Charm.
LONDON:
LONDON:
Printed for Lawton Gilliver, at Homer's Head, against St. Dunstan's Church, in Fleet-street. 1735.
Printed for Lawton Gilliver, at Homer's Head, opposite St. Dunstan's Church, on Fleet-street. 1735.
EPILOGUE.
EPILOGUE.
Well, Heav'n be prais'd, this dull grave Sermon's done.
Well, thank goodness, this boring sermon is over.
(For faith our Author might have call'd it one)
(For faith our Author might have called it one)
I wonder who the Devil he thought to please!
I wonder who the hell he thought he was trying to please!
Is this a Time o' Day for Things like these?
Is this the right time for things like this?
Good Sense and honest Satire now offend;
Common sense and honest satire now upset;
We're grown too wise to learn, too proud to mend.
We've become too wise to learn, too proud to fix.
And so divinely wrapt in Songs and Tunes,
So beautifully wrapped in songs and tunes,
The next wise Age will all be——Fiddlers Sons.
The next wise era will be filled with—Fiddlers' Sons.
And did he think plain Truth wou'd Favour find?
And did he think plain Truth would find favor?
Ah! 'tis a Sign he little knows Mankind!
Ah! It's a sign he knows little about people!
To please, he ought to have a Song or Dance,
To entertain, he should have a song or dance,
The Tune from Italy, the Caper France:
The Song from Italy, the Heist France:
These, these might charm——But hope to do't with Sense!
These, these might be charming——But I hope to do it with common sense!
Alas, alas, how vain is the Pretence!
Oh no, oh no, how pointless is the pretense!
But, tho' we told him,——Faith, 'twill never do.—
But, although we told him,——Honestly, it will never work.—
Pho, never fear, he cry'd, tho' grave, 'tis new:
Pho, don’t worry, he cried, though serious, it’s new:
The Whim, perhaps, may please, if not the Wit.
The whim might be enjoyable, even if the wit isn't.
And, tho' they don't approve, they may permit.
And, though they don't approve, they might allow it.
If neither this nor that will intercede,
If neither this nor that will step in,
Submissive bond, and thus for Pardon plead.
Submissive bond, and so plead for forgiveness.
"To gen'rous Few, to you our Author sues
"To generous Few, to you our Author appeals
His first Essay with Candour to excuse.
His first essay with honesty to make excuses.
'T has Faults, he owns, but, if they are but small,
'He admits he has flaws, but if they are just minor,
He hopes your kind Applause will hide them all."
He hopes your generous applause will cover them all.
Dramatis Personæ.
Cast of Characters.
MEN.
Men.
Master of the Shop, | Mr. Chapman. | |
1 } | Gentleman, | Mr. Bridgewater. |
2 } | Mr. Wignell. | |
3 } | Mr. Hallam. | |
4 } | Mr. Hale. | |
Beau. | Mr. Neale. | |
1 } | Old Man, | Mr. James. |
2 } | Mr. Hippisley. |
WOMEN.
Females.
1 } | Lady, | Mrs. Bullock. | |
2 } | Miss Norsa. | ||
3 } | Mrs. Mullart. | ||
4 } | Miss Bincks. |
THE
THE
TOY-SHOP.
Toy Store.
SCENE a Parlour. A Gentleman and two Ladies, drinking Tea.
SCENE a Parlor. A Man and two Women, drinking Tea.
Gent.
nd you have never been at this extraordinary Toy-shop, you say, Madam?
Gent.
So you’ve never been to this amazing toy shop, right, ma'am?
1 La. No, Sir: I have heard of the Man, indeed; but most People say, he's a very impertinent, silly Fellow.
1 La. No, Sir: I have heard of the man, really; but most people say he's a very rude, foolish guy.
Gent. That's because he sometimes tells them of their Faults.
Gent. That's because he sometimes points out their flaws.
1 La. And that's sufficient. I should think any Man impertinent that should pretend to tell me of my Faults, if they did not concern him.
1 La. And that's enough. I would consider anyone rude who tries to point out my flaws if they aren't relevant to them.
Gent. Yes, Madam. But People that know him take no Exceptions. And really, tho' some may think him impertinent, in my Opinion, he's very entertaining.
Gent. Yes, ma'am. But people who know him don't mind him at all. And honestly, while some might find him rude, I think he’s quite entertaining.
2 La. Pray, who is this Man you're talking of? I never heard of him.
2 La. Excuse me, who is this guy you're talking about? I've never heard of him.
Gent. He's one who has lately set up a Toy-shop, Madam, and is, perhaps, the most extraordinary Person in his Way that ever was heard of. He is a general Satyrist, yet not rude nor ill-natur'd. He has got a Custom of moralizing upon every Trifle he sells, and will strike a Lesson of Instruction out of a Snuff-box, a Thimble, or a Cockle-shell.
Gent. He's someone who has recently opened a toy shop, Madam, and is probably the most remarkable person in his field that anyone has ever heard of. He’s a general satirist, but he’s neither rude nor unpleasant. He has a habit of moralizing about every little thing he sells and can draw a lesson from a snuffbox, a thimble, or a cockle shell.
1 La. Isn't he cras'd?
Isn't he crashed?
Gent. Madam, he may be call'd a Humourist; but he does not want Sense, I do assure you.
Gent. Madam, he might be called a humorist, but I assure you, he isn't lacking in sense.
2 La. Methinks I should be glad to see him.
2 La. I think I would be happy to see him.
Gent. I dare say you will be very much diverted. And if you'll please to give me Leave, I'll wait on you. I'm particularly acquainted with him.
Gent. I bet you'll find this really entertaining. And if you don't mind, I'd like to come along with you. I know him quite well.
2 La. What say you, Madam, shall we go?
2 La. What do you think, Madam, shall we head out?
1 La. I can't help thinking he's a Coxcomb; however, to satisfy Curiosity I don't care if I do.
1 La. I can't help but think he's a fool; still, out of curiosity, I don't mind doing it.
Gent. I believe the Coach is at the Door.
Gent. I think the coach is at the door.
2 La. I hope he won't affront us.
2 La. I hope he won't disrespect us.
Gent. He won't designedly, I'm sure, Madam.
Gent. I’m sure he won’t do it on purpose, ma’am.
[Exeunt.
[Exit.
Scene changes to the Toy-Shop, the Master standing behind the Counter looking over his Books.
The scene shifts to the toy store, where the owner is standing behind the counter, reviewing his records.
Mast. Methinks I have had a tolerable good Day of it to-day. A Gold Watch, Five and Thirty Guineas——Let me see——What did that Watch stand me in?——Where is it? O here——Lent [Turning to another book backwards and forwards.] to Lady Basset Eighteen Guineas upon her Gold Watch. Ay, she died and never redeem'd it.—A Set of old China, Five Pounds.—Bought of an old Cloaths Man for Five Shillings. Right.—A curious Shell for a Snuff-box, Two Guineas.—Bought of a poor Fisher-boy for a Half-penny. Now, if I had offer'd that Shell for Sixpence, no body would have bought it. Well, Thanks to the whimsical Extravagance and Folly of Mankind, I believe, from these childish Toys and gilded Baubles, I shall pick up a comfortable Maintenance. For, really, as it is a trifling Age, so Nothing but Trifles are valued in it. Men read none but trifling Authors, pursue none but trifling Amusements, and contend for none but trifling Opinions. A trifling Fellow is prefer'd, a trifling Woman admir'd. Nay, as if there were not real Trifles enow, they now make Trifles of the most serious and valuable Things. Their Time, their Health, their Money, their Reputation, are trifled away. Honestly is become a Trifle, Conscience a Trifle, Honour a mere Trifle, and Religion the greatest Trifle of all.
Mast. I think I've had a pretty good day today. A gold watch, thirty-five guineas—let me see—what did that watch cost me? Where is it? Oh, here it is—lent [flipping through another book back and forth.] to Lady Basset eighteen guineas on her gold watch. Yeah, she died and never got it back. A set of old china, five pounds. Bought from an old clothes guy for five shillings. Right. A cool shell for a snuffbox, two guineas. Bought from a poor fisher boy for half a penny. Now, if I had offered that shell for sixpence, nobody would have bought it. Well, thanks to the quirky extravagance and foolishness of people, I believe I can make a decent living from these childish toys and shiny trinkets. Honestly, since this is a petty age, only trifles are valued in it. People read nothing but trivial authors, pursue nothing but trivial amusements, and argue over nothing but trivial opinions. A trivial guy is preferred, and a trivial woman is admired. As if there weren't enough real trifles already, they now make trifles out of the most serious and valuable things. They waste their time, health, money, and reputation on trivialities. Honesty has become a trifle, conscience a trifle, honor merely a trifle, and religion the biggest trifle of all.
Enter the Gentleman and the two Ladies.
Enter the Gentleman and the two Ladies.
Mast. Sir, your humble Servant, I'm very glad to see you.
Mast. Sir, your humble servant, I'm really happy to see you.
Gent. Sir, I am yours. I have brought you some Customers here.
Gent. Sir, I'm at your service. I've brought you some customers here.
Mast. You are very good, Sir. What do you please to want, Ladies?
Mast. You’re really great, Sir. What can I do for you, Ladies?
1 La. Please to want! People seldom please to want any thing, Sir.
1 La. Please want! People rarely want anything, Sir.
Mast. O dear Madam, yes; I always imagine when People come into a Toy-shop, it must be for something they please to want.
Mast. Oh dear Madam, yes; I always think that when people enter a toy shop, it must be because they want something.
2 La. Here's a mighty pretty Looking Glass; Pray, Sir, what's the Price of it?
2 La. Here's a really nice mirror; Excuse me, sir, what's the price of it?
Mast. This Looking Glass, Madam, is the finest in all England. In this Glass a Coquet may see her Vanity, and a Prude her Hypocrisy. Some fine Ladies may see more Beauty than Modesty, more Airs than Graces, and more Wit than Good-nature.
Mast. This mirror, madam, is the best in all of England. In this mirror, a flirt can see her vanity, and a prude can see her hypocrisy. Some elegant ladies might see more beauty than modesty, more pretentiousness than grace, and more cleverness than kindness.
1 La. [Aside.] He begins already.
1 La. [Aside.] He's starting already.
Mast. If a Beau was to buy this Glass, and look earnestly in it, he might see his Folly almost as soon as his Finery. 'Tis true, some People may not see their Generosity in it, nor others their Charity, yet it is a very clear Glass. Some fine Gentlemen may not see their Good-manners in it perhaps, nor some Parsons their Religion, yet it is a very clear Glass. In short, tho' every one that passes for a Maid should not happen to see a Maidenhead in it, yet it may be a very clear Glass, you know, for all that.
Mast. If a guy were to buy this mirror and really look into it, he might notice his foolishness almost as quickly as his fancy clothes. It's true, some people might not see their generosity in it, and others may not recognize their charity, but it’s a pretty clear mirror. Some well-bred gentlemen might not spot their good manners in it, nor might some clergymen see their faith, yet it remains a very clear mirror. In short, even though not everyone who claims to be a maiden might see their virginity in it, it can still be a very clear mirror, you know, despite that.
2 La. Yes, Sir, but I did not ask you the Virtues of it, I ask'd you the Price.
2 La. Yes, Sir, but I didn't ask you about its benefits; I asked you the price.
Mast. It was necessary to tell you the Virtues, Madam, in order to prevent your scrupling the Price, which is five Guineas, and for so extraordinary a Glass, in my Opinion, it is but a Trifle.
Mast. I needed to share the benefits with you, Madam, to help you understand why the price is five Guineas. For such an exceptional Glass, I believe that amount is just a small fee.
2 La. Lord, I'm afraid to look in it, methinks, lest it should show me more of my Faults than I care to see.
2 La. Lord, I’m scared to look inside it, I think, in case it reveals more of my faults than I want to face.
1 La. Pray, Sir, what can be the Use of this very diminutive piece of Goods here?
1 La. Excuse me, sir, what could be the purpose of this tiny item here?
Mast. This Box, Madam? In the first Place, it is a very great Curiosity, being the least Box that ever was seen in England.
Mast. This box, ma'am? First of all, it’s quite a curiosity, as it’s the smallest box ever seen in England.
1 La. Then a very little Curiosity had been more proper.
1 La. Then a bit more curiosity would have been more appropriate.
Mast. Right, Madam. Yet, would you think it, in this same little Box, a Courtier may deposite his Sincerity, a Lawyer may screw up his Honesty, and a Poet may——hoard his Money.
Mast. Sure, Madam. But can you believe that in this tiny box, a courtier can stash his sincerity, a lawyer can tighten his honesty, and a poet can——save his money?
Gent. Ha, ha, ha, I will make a Present of it to Mr. Stanza for the very same Purpose.
Gent. Ha, ha, ha, I will give it as a gift to Mr. Stanza for that exact reason.
2 La. Here's a fine Perspective. Now, I think, Madam, in the Country these are a very pretty Amusement.
2 La. Here's a nice view. Now, I believe, ma'am, that in the countryside these are a really lovely pastime.
Mast. O, Madam, the most useful and diverting things imaginable either in Town or Country. The Nature of this Glass, Madam, (pardon my impertinence in pretending to tell you what to be sure you are as well acquainted with as myself) is this. If you look thro' it at this end every Object is magnified, brought near, and discern'd with the greatest Plainness; but turn it the other way, do ye see, and they are all lessen'd, cast at a great Distance, and rendered almost imperceptible. Thro' this End it is that we look at our own Faults, but when other People's are to be examined, we are ready enough to turn the other. Thro' this End are view'd all the Benefits and Advantages we at any time receive from others; but if ever we happen to confer any, they are sure to be shown in their greatest Magnitude thro' the other. Thro' this we enviously darken and contract the Virtue, the Merit, the Beauty of all the World around us; but fondly Compliment our own with the most agreeable and advantageous Light thro' the other.
Mast. Oh, Madam, the most useful and entertaining things you can imagine, whether in town or in the country. The nature of this glass, Madam, (forgive my presumption in thinking I need to explain something you surely understand as well as I do) is this. If you look through it at this end, everything is magnified, brought closer, and seen very clearly; but if you turn it the other way, you see, everything appears smaller, pushed far away, and almost impossible to notice. Through this end, we examine our own faults, but when it comes to looking at others’ mistakes, we’re quick to switch to the other side. This end shows us all the benefits and good things we receive from others, but whenever we give something, we’re sure to highlight it at its biggest size through the other side. Through this, we enviously downplay and shrink the virtues, merits, and beauty of everyone around us; yet we lovingly showcase our own in the most flattering and favorable light through the other.
2 La. Why, Sir, methinks you are a new Kind of a Satirical Parson, your Shop is your Scripture, and every piece of Goods a different Text, from which you expose the Vices and Follies of Mankind in a very fine allegorical Sermon.
2 La. Why, Sir, I think you’re a new kind of sarcastic preacher; your store is your scripture, and each item is a different lesson that reveals the vices and foolishness of humanity in a very clever allegorical sermon.
Mast. Right, Madam, right; I thank you for the Simile. I may be call'd a Parson indeed, and am a very good one in my way. I take delight in my Calling, and am never better pleased than to see a full Congregation. Yet it happens to me as it does to most of my Brethren, People sometimes vouchsafe to take home the Text perhaps, but mind the Sermon no more than if they had not heard one.
Mast. Exactly, Madam, exactly; I appreciate your comparison. I can certainly be seen as a clergyman, and I’m quite good at it in my own way. I enjoy my vocation and am always happiest when I see a full congregation. However, like many of my fellow ministers, people sometimes take the message home but pay no attention to the sermon as if they hadn’t heard one at all.
1 La. Why, Sir, when a short Text has more in it than a long Sermon, it's no wonder if they do.
1 La. Well, Sir, when a brief message has more meaning than a lengthy sermon, it's not surprising if they do.
Enter a third Lady.
Enter a third woman.
3 Lady. Pray, Sir, let me look at some of your little Dogs.
3 Lady. Please, sir, let me see some of your small dogs.
2 La. [Aside.] Little Dogs! My Stars! How cheaply some People are entertain'd! Well, it's a Sign human Conversation is grown very low and insipid, whilst that of Dogs and Monkeys is preferr'd to it.
2 La. [Aside.] Little Dogs! My goodness! It's surprising how easily some people are entertained! Well, it shows that human conversation has become very dull and boring, while that of dogs and monkeys is favored instead.
Mast. Here are very beautiful Dogs, Madam, these Dogs when they were alive were some of them the greatest Dogs of their Age. I don't mean the largest, but Dogs of the greatest Quality and Merit.
Mast. Here are some really beautiful dogs, Madam. These dogs, when they were alive, were among the greatest of their time. I don't mean the biggest, but dogs of the highest quality and merit.
1 La. I love a Dog of Merit dearly; has not he a Dog of Honour too, I wonder? [Aside.]
1 La. I really love a Dog of Merit ; I wonder, doesn't he have a Dog of Honour too? [Aside.]
Mast. Here's a Dog now that never eat but upon Plate or China, nor set his Foot but upon a Carpet or a Cushion. Here's one too, this Dog belong'd to a Lady of as great Beauty and Fortune as any in England; he was her most intimate Friend and particular Favourite; and upon that Account has receiv'd more Compliments, more Respect, and more Addresses than a First Minister of State. Here's another which was, doubtless, a Dog of singular Worth and great Importance; since at his Death one of the greatest Families in the Kingdom were all in Tears, receiv'd no Visits for the space of a Week, but shut themselves up and mourn'd their Loss with inconsolable Sorrow. This Dog while he liv'd, either for Contempt of his Person, neglect of his Business, or saucy impertinent Behaviours in their Attendance on him, had the Honour of turning away upwards of thirty Servants. He died at last of a Cold caught by following one of the Maids into a damp Room, for which she lost her Place, her Wages, and her Character.
Mast. Here's a dog that only eats from a plate or fine china and only walks on a carpet or cushion. Here's another; this dog belonged to a lady who was as beautiful and wealthy as anyone in England; he was her closest friend and favorite, and because of that, he received more compliments, respect, and attention than a top government official. And here's yet another dog, who was surely of special worth and importance; when he passed away, one of the most prominent families in the kingdom was in tears, didn’t accept visitors for a week, and locked themselves away to mourn their loss with deep sorrow. While he was alive, due to his disdainful attitude, neglect of his duties, or his rude and cheeky behavior, he managed to dismiss over thirty servants. He ultimately died from catching a cold after following one of the maids into a damp room, for which she lost her job, her pay, and her reputation.
3 Lady. O the careless wicked Wretch! I would have had her try'd for Murder at least. That, that is just my Case! The sad Relation revives my Grief so strongly I cannot contain. Lucy, bring in the Box.1 O I have lost the dearest Friend in the World! See! see the charming Creature, here, lies dead! Its precious Life is gone! Oh, my dear Chloe! no more wilt thou lie hugg'd in my warm Bosom! no more will that sweet Tongue lick o'er my Face, nor that dear Mouth eat dainty Bits from mine. O, Death, what hast thou robb'd me of?
3 Lady. Oh, that careless, wicked wretch! I would have had her tried for murder, at the very least. That, that is exactly my situation! The sad news brings back my grief so strongly that I can't hold it in. Lucy, bring in the box.1 Oh, I have lost the dearest friend in the world! Look! Look at this charming creature, lying here dead! Its precious life is gone! Oh, my dear Chloe! You will no longer snuggle in my warm arms! No more will that sweet tongue lick my face, nor will that dear mouth share tasty bites with mine. Oh, death, what have you robbed me of?
Gent. [Aside.] A proper Object to display your Folly.
Gent. [Aside.] A perfect way to show off your foolishness.
Mast. Pray, Madam, moderate your Grief; you ought to thank Heaven 'tis not your Husband.
Mast. Please, Madam, try to control your sadness; you should be grateful it's not your husband.
3 La. Oh, what is Husband, Father, Mother, Son, to my dear, precious Chloe!——No, no, I cannot live without the Sight of his dear Image; and if you cannot make me the exact Effigies of this poor dead Creature, and cover it with his own dear Skin, so nicely that it cannot be discern'd, I must never hope to see one happy Day in Life.
3 La. Oh, what are Husband, Father, Mother, Son, to my dear, precious Chloe!——No, no, I can't live without seeing his beloved face; and if you can't create an exact likeness of this poor dead person and cover it with his own dear skin in a way that it can’t be distinguished, I can never hope to experience one happy day in my life.
Mast. Well, Madam, be comforted, I will do it to your Satisfaction.
Mast. Well, ma'am, don't worry, I'll make sure it's done to your satisfaction.
[Taking the Box.
Taking the Box.
3 Lady. Let me have one look more. Poor Creature! O cruel Fate, that Dogs are born to die.
3 Lady. Let me take one more look. Poor thing! Oh, cruel fate, that dogs are born to die.
[Exit weeping.
[Exit crying.
Gent. What a Scene is here! Are not the real and unavoidable Evils of Life sufficient, that People thus create themselves imaginary Woes?
Gent. What a scene we have here! Aren't the real and unavoidable hardships of life enough, that people go on creating their own imaginary troubles?
Mast. These, Sir, are the Griefs of those that have no other. Did they once truly feel the real Miseries of Life, ten thousand Dogs might die without a Tear.
Mast. These, Sir, are the sorrows of those who have no others. If they truly experienced the genuine hardships of life, a thousand dogs could die without a single tear.
Enter a second Gentleman.
Enter another gentleman.
2 Gent. I want an Ivory Pocket-book.
2 Gent. I want an ivory pocketbook.
Mast. Do you please to have it with Directions, or without?
Mast. Would you like it with instructions or without?
2 Gent. Directions! what, how to use it?
2 Gent. Instructions! What do I do with it?
Mast. Yes, Sir.
Mast. Yes, sir.
2 Gent. I should think, every Man's own Business his best Direction.
2 Gent. I believe everyone knows their own business best.
Mast. It may so. Yet there are some general Rules, which it equally behoves every Man to be acquainted with. As for Instance: Always to make a Memorandum of the Benefits you receive from others. Always to set down the Faults or Failings, which from Time to Time you discover in yourself. And, if you remark any Thing that is ridiculous or faulty in others, let it not be with an ill-natur'd Design to hurt or expose them, at any Time, but with a Nota bene, that it is only for a Caution to your self, not to be guilty of the like. With a great many other Rules of such a Nature as makes one of my Pocket-books both a useful Monitor and a very entertaining Companion.
Mast. It might be true. Still, there are some general rules that everyone should be familiar with. For example: Always keep a record of the benefits you receive from others. Always note the faults or shortcomings that you discover in yourself from time to time. And if you notice something ridiculous or flawed in others, don't do it with the intention of hurting or exposing them, but rather as a Nota bene to remind yourself not to make the same mistakes. There are many other rules of this nature that make my pocketbook both a helpful reminder and a very entertaining companion.
2 Gent. And pray, what's the Price of one of them?
2 Gent. So, what's the price of one of those?
Mast. The Price is a Guinea, Sir.
Mast. It costs a pound, sir.
2 Gent. That's very dear. But, as it's a Curiosity——[Pays for it, and Exit.]
2 Gent. That's really expensive. But, since it's a curiosity—[He pays for it, and Exits.]
Enter a Beau.
Enter a Beau.
Beau. Pray, Sir, let me see some of your handsomest Snuff-boxes.
Beau. Please, sir, show me some of your most attractive snuff boxes.
Mast. Here's a plain Gold one, Sir, a very neat Box; here's a Gold enamell'd; here's a Silver one neatly carv'd and gilt; here's a curious Shell, Sir, set in Gold.
Mast. Here's a simple gold one, Sir, a really nice box; here's one with gold enamel; here's a silver one that's nicely carved and gilded; here's a unique shell, Sir, set in gold.
Beau. Dam your Shells; there's not one of them fit for a Gentleman to put his Fingers into. I want one with some pretty Device on the Inside of the Lid; something that may serve to joke upon, or help one to an Occasion to be witty, that is, smutty, now and then.
Beau. Damn your Shells; none of them are suitable for a gentleman to touch. I want one with a nice design on the inside of the lid; something that can serve as a joke or give me a reason to be clever, which means, at times, a little raunchy.
Mast. And are witty and smutty then synonimous Terms?
Mast. Are witty and risqué synonymous terms?
Beau. O dear Sir, yes; a little decent Smutt is the very Life of all Conversation. 'Tis the Wit of Drawing-Rooms, Assemblies, and Tea-tables. 'Tis the smart Raillery of fine Gentlemen, and the innocent Freedom of fine Ladies. 'Tis a Double Entendre, at which the Coquet laughs, the Prude looks grave, the Modest blush, but all are pleas'd with.
Beau. Oh dear Sir, yes; a bit of decent innuendo is the essence of all conversation. It's the wit of living rooms, gatherings, and tea parties. It's the clever teasing of fine gentlemen and the playful freedom of elegant ladies. It's a Double Entendre, at which the flirt laughs, the prude frowns, the modest blushes, but everyone enjoys it.
Mast. That it is the Wit and the Entertainment of all Conversations, I believe, Sir, may, possibly, be a Mistake. 'Tis true, those who are so rude as to use it in all Conversations, may possibly be so deprav'd themselves, as to fancy every body else as agreeably entertain'd in hearing it as they are in uttering it: But I dare say, any Man or Woman, of real Virtue and Modesty, has as little Taste for such Ribaldry as those Coxcombs have for what is good Sense or true Politeness.
Mast. I believe, Sir, that thinking it’s the wit and entertainment of all conversations might be a mistake. It’s true that those who are rude enough to use it in every conversation may be so corrupted themselves that they think everyone else enjoys hearing it as much as they enjoy saying it. But I’m sure any man or woman with genuine virtue and modesty dislikes such vulgarity just as much as those fools dislike good sense or true politeness.
Beau. Good Sense, Sir! Damme, Sir, what do you mean? I would have you think, I know good Sense as well as any Man. Good Sense is a true——a right——a——a——a——Dam it, I wo'nt be so pedantick as to make Definitions: But I can invent a cramp Oath, Sir; drink a smutty Health, Sir; ridicule Priests, laugh at all Religion, and make such a grave Prig as you look just like a Fool, Sir. Now, I take this to be good Sense.
Beau. Come on, seriously! What do you mean by that? I want you to know that I understand common sense just as well as anyone. Common sense is a real—no, a proper—ugh, I won't get so academic as to define it. But I can come up with a ridiculous pledge, toast to something inappropriate, mock priests, laugh at all religion, and make someone as serious as you look like a complete fool. That, to me, is what common sense is all about.
Mast. And I unmov'd can hear such senseless Ridicule, and look upon its Author with an Eye of Pity and Contempt. And I take this to be good Sense.
Mast. And I, unmoved, can hear such pointless ridicule and view its creator with pity and disdain. I consider this to be common sense.
Beau. Pshaw, pshaw; damn'd Hypocrisy and Affectation; Nothing else, nothing else.
Beau. Oh please, come on; it's just damn hypocrisy and pretentiousness; nothing more, nothing more.
[Exit.
Exit.
Mast. There is Nothing so much my Aversion as a Coxcomb. They are a Ridicule upon humane Nature, and make one almost asham'd to be of the same Species. And, for that Reason, I can't forbear affronting them whenever they fall in my Way. I hope the Ladies will excuse such Behaviour in their Presence.
Mast. There's nothing I dislike more than a show-off. They mock human nature and make me almost embarrassed to be part of the same species. For that reason, I can't help but confront them whenever I come across one. I hope the ladies can forgive this behavior in their presence.
2 La. Indeed, Sir, I wish we had always somebody to treat them with such Behaviour in our Presence. 'Twould be much more agreeable than their Impertinence.
2 La. Actually, Sir, I wish we always had someone to handle them like this when we're around. It would be much more pleasant than their rudeness.
Enter a Young Gentleman.
Enter a Young Man.
3 Gent. I want a plain Gold Ring, Sir, exactly this Size.
3 Gent. I want a simple gold ring, sir, exactly this size.
Mast. Then 'tis not for yourself, Sir.
Mast. Then it's not for you, Sir.
3 Gent. No.
3 Gent. No.
Mast. A Wedding Ring, I presume.
Mast. A wedding ring, I guess.
3 Gent. No, Sir, I thank you kindly, that's a Toy I never design to play with. 'Tis the most dangerous Piece of Goods in your whole Shop. People are perpetually doing themselves a Mischief with it. They hang themselves fast together first, and afterwards are ready to hang themselves separately, to get loose again.
3 Gent. No, Sir, thank you, but that's a toy I have no interest in playing with. It's the most dangerous item in your entire shop. People always end up hurt by it. They get stuck together at first and then are desperate to untangle themselves later.
1 La. This is but the fashionable Cant. I'll be hang'd if this pretended Railer at Matrimony is not just upon the Point of making some poor Woman miserable. [Aside.]
1 La. This is just the trendy talk. I swear, if this so-called critic of marriage isn't on the verge of making some poor woman miserable. [Aside.]
3 Gent. Well——happy are we whilst we are Children; we can then lay down one Toy and take up another, and please ourselves with Variety: But growing more foolish as we grow older, there's no Toy will please us then but a Wife; and that, indeed, as it is a Toy for Life, so it is all Toys in one. She's a Rattle in a Man's Ears which he cannot throw aside: A Drum that is perpetually beating him a Point of War: A Top which he ought to whip for his Exercise, for like that she is best when lash'd to sleep: A Hobby-Horse for the Booby to ride on when the Maggot takes him: A——
3 Gent. Well—it's great to be kids; we can put one toy down and pick up another, enjoying all the variety. But as we get older, we become more foolish, and the only toy that satisfies us is a wife; and really, since it's a toy for life, it's all toys rolled into one. She's a rattle in a man's ears that he can't ignore: a drum constantly beating the drum for war: a top that he should spin for exercise, because like that, she’s best when lulled to sleep: a hobby horse for the fool to ride when the mood strikes him: A—
Mast. You may go on, Sir, in this ludicrous Strain, if you please, and fancy 'tis Wit; but, in my Opinion, a good Wife is the greatest Blessing, and the most valuable possession, that Heaven in this Life can bestow. She makes the Cares of the World sit easy, and adds a Sweetness to its Pleasures. She is a Man's best Companion in Prosperity, and his only Friend in Adversity. The carefullest Preserver of his Health, and the kindest Attendant on his Sickness. A faithful Adviser in Distress, a Comforter in Affliction, and a prudent Manager of all his Domestick Affairs.
Mast. You can keep going with this ridiculous talk if you want and think it's funny, but in my opinion, a good wife is the greatest blessing and the most valuable thing that life can offer. She makes the worries of the world feel lighter and adds sweetness to its pleasures. She’s a man’s best companion in good times and his only friend in tough times. She is the most careful guardian of his health and the kindest supporter when he's sick. A loyal advisor in distress, a comforter in hardship, and a smart manager of all his household affairs.
2 La. [Aside.] Charming Doctrine!
2 La. [Aside.] Charming Doctrine!
3 Gent. Well, Sir, since I find you so staunch an Advocate for Matrimony, I confess 'tis a Wedding-Ring I want; the Reason why I deny'd it, and of what I said in Ridicule of Marriage, was only to avoid the Ridicule which I expected from you upon it.
3 Gent. Well, Sir, since I see you're such a strong supporter of marriage, I admit that what I really want is a wedding ring; the reason I denied it and what I said making fun of marriage was just to avoid the mockery I anticipated from you about it.
Mast. Why that now is just the Way of the World in every Thing, especially, amongst young People. They are asham'd to do a good Action because it is not a fashionable one, and in Compliance with Custom act contrary to their own Consciences. They displease themselves to please the Coxcombs of the World, and chuse rather to be Objects of divine Wrath than humane Ridicule.
Mast. That's just how things are in the world today, especially among young people. They're embarrassed to do something good if it's not trendy, and they go along with what everyone else is doing even if it goes against their own beliefs. They make themselves unhappy just to impress the fools around them, and they'd rather face God's anger than be laughed at by others.
3 Gent. 'Tis very true, indeed. There is not one Man in Ten Thousand that dare be virtuous for Fear of being singular. 'Tis a Weakness which I have hitherto been too much guilty of my self; but for the future I am resolv'd upon a more steady Rule of Action.
3 Gent. It's definitely true. There isn't one person in ten thousand who dares to be virtuous for fear of standing out. I've been too guilty of this weakness myself, but moving forward, I'm determined to stick to a more consistent code of behavior.
Mast. I am very glad of it. Here's your Ring, Sir. I think it comes to about a Guinea.
Mast. I'm really glad about it. Here's your ring, sir. I think it costs around a guinea.
3 Gent. There's the Money.
3 Gent. Here's the cash.
Mast. Sir, I wish you all the Joy that a good Wife can give you.
Mast. Sir, I wish you all the happiness that a good wife can bring you.
3 Gent. I thank you, Sir.
Thanks, Sir.
[Exit.
Exit.
1 La. Well, Sir, but, after all, don't you think Marriage a Kind of a desperate Venture?
1 La. Well, Sir, but don't you think marriage is a bit of a risky venture?
Mast. It is a desperate Venture, Madam, to be sure. But, provided there be a tolerable Share of Sense and Discretion on the Man's part, and of Mildness and Condescension on the Woman's, there is no danger of leading as happy and as comfortable a Life in that State as in any other.
Mast. It's a risky venture, madam, for sure. However, as long as the man has a decent amount of sense and discretion, and the woman has a touch of gentleness and humility, there's no risk of living as happy and comfortable a life in that situation as in any other.
Enter a fourth Lady.
Enter a fourth lady.
4 Lady. I want a Mask, Sir, Have you got any?
4 Lady. I want a mask, sir. Do you have any?
Mast. No, Madam, I have not one indeed. The People of this Age are arriv'd to such perfection in the Art of masking themselves, that they have no Occasion for any Foreign Disguises at all. You shall find Infidelity mask'd in a Gown and Cassock; and wantonness and immodesty under a blushing Countenance. Oppression is veil'd under the Name of Justice, and Fraud, and Cunning under that of Wisdom. The Fool is mask'd under an affected Gravity, and the vilest Hypocrite under the greatest Professions of Sincerity. The Flatterer passes upon you under the Air of a Friend; and he that now huggs you in his Bosom, for a Shilling would cut your Throat. Calumny and Detraction impose themselves upon the World for Wit, and an eternal Laugh wou'd fain be thought Good-nature. An humble Demeaner is assum'd from a Principle of Pride, and the Wants of the Indigent relieved out of Ostentation. In short, Worthlessness and Villany are oft disguis'd and dignified in Gold and Jewels, whilst Honesty and Merit lie hid under Raggs and Misery. The whole World is in a Mask, and it is impossible to see the natural Face of any one Individual.
Mast. No, ma'am, I really don't. People today are so skilled at hiding who they really are that they don’t need any external disguises. You'll find betrayal dressed in a gown and clerical robes, and promiscuity lurking behind a blush. Oppression is disguised as justice, and deceit and trickery are called wisdom. The fool appears serious, while the worst hypocrite boasts the greatest sincerity. The flatterer pretends to be a friend, and the person who warmly embraces you would turn on you for just a dollar. Slander and gossip pretend to be wit, and a constant laugh is mistaken for good nature. A humble demeanor can stem from pride, and charity towards the needy often comes from a desire to show off. In short, worthlessness and wickedness often wear the guise of wealth and jewels, while honesty and merit are hidden beneath rags and poverty. The entire world is masked, making it impossible to see anyone's true self.
4 Lady. That's a Mistake, Sir, you your self are an Instance, that no Disguise will hide a Coxcomb; and so your humble Servant.
4 Lady. That's a mistake, sir; you're a perfect example that no disguise can hide a fool; and so, your humble servant.
Mast. Humph!——Have I but just now been exclaiming against Coxcombs, and am I accused of being one my self? Well——we can none of us see the ridiculous Part of our own Characters. Could we but once learn to criticize ourselves; and to find out and expose to our selves our own weak Sides, it would be the surest Means to conceal them from the Criticism of others. But I would fain hope I am not a Coxcomb, methinks, whatever I am else.
Mast. Humph! — Did I just now complain about idiots, and now I'm accused of being one myself? Well — none of us can see the silly side of our own personalities. If only we could learn to judge ourselves and recognize our own weaknesses, it would be the best way to hide them from others' criticism. But I really hope I'm not an idiot; I think I'm something else entirely.
Gent. I suppose you have said something which her Conscience would not suffer her to pass over without making the ungrateful Application to herself, and that, as it often happens, instead of awaking in her a Sense of her Fault, has only serv'd to put her in a Passion.
Gent. I guess you've said something that her conscience wouldn't let her ignore, causing her to take it as a personal insult. And, as often happens, instead of making her realize her mistake, it only made her angry.
Mast. May be so indeed. At least I am willing to think so.
Mast. That could be true. At least I'm open to believing it.
Enter an old Man.
An old man enters.
O. M. I want a pair of Spectacles, Sir.
O. M. I need a pair of glasses, sir.
Mast. Do you please to have 'em plain Tortoise-shell, or set in Gold or Silver?
Mast. Would you like them to be plain tortoiseshell, or set in gold or silver?
O. M. Pho! Do you think I buy Spectacles as your fine Gentlemen buy Books? If I wanted a pair of Spectacles only to look at, I would have 'em fine ones; but as I want them to look with, do ye see, I'll have 'em good ones.
O. M. Oh, please! Do you think I buy glasses the way you fancy gentlemen buy books? If I just wanted a pair of glasses for show, I’d get the fancy ones; but since I need them to actually see, you know, I’ll get the good ones.
Mast. Very well, Sir. Here's a pair I'm sure will please you. Thro' these Spectacles all the Follies of Youth are seen in their true Light. Those Vices which to the strongest youthful Eyes appear in Characters scarce legible, are thro' these Glasses discern'd with the greatest Plainness. A powder'd Wig upon an empty Head, attracts no more respect thro' these Opticks than a greasy Cap; and the Lac'd Coat of a Coxcomb seems altogether as contemptible as his Footman's Livery.
Mast. Alright, Sir. Here’s a pair I’m sure you’ll like. Through these glasses, all the foolishness of youth is revealed clearly. Those vices that seem barely noticeable to the most alert young eyes are made obvious through these lenses. A powdered wig on an empty head earns no more respect with these optics than a greasy cap; and the fancy coat of a fool looks just as ridiculous as his servant's uniform.
O. M. That indeed is showing things in their true Light.
O. M. That really is presenting things in their true light.
Mast. The common Virtue of the World appears only a Cloak for Knavery; and it's Friendships no more than Bargains of Self-Interest. In short, he who is now passing away his Days in a constant Round of Vanity, Folly, Intemperance, and Extravagance, when he comes seriously to look back upon his past Actions, thro' these undisguising Opticks, will certainly be convinc'd, that a regular Life, spent in the Study of Truth and Virtue, and adorn'd with Acts of Justice, Generosity, Charity, and Benevolence, would not only have afforded him more Delight and Satisfaction in the present Moment, but would likewise have rais'd to his Memory a lasting Monument of Fame and Honour.
Mast. The common virtue in the world seems just a disguise for dishonesty, and friendships are merely deals for personal gain. In short, someone who spends their days in a constant cycle of vanity, foolishness, excess, and extravagance, when they finally take a serious look back at their actions through these revealing lenses, will undoubtedly realize that a disciplined life focused on truth and virtue, enriched by acts of justice, generosity, charity, and kindness, would not only have brought them more joy and satisfaction in the moment but also would have created a lasting legacy of fame and honor.
O. M. Humph! 'Tis very true; but very odd that such serious Ware should be the Commodity of a Toy-shop. [Aside.] Well, Sir, and what's the Price of these extraordinary Spectacles?
O. M. Hmph! It's very true; but it's quite strange that such serious merchandise should be sold in a toy store. [Aside.] So, sir, what’s the price of these extraordinary glasses?
Mast. Half a Crown.
Mast. £1.25.
O. M. There's your Money.
O. M. Here's your money.
[Exit.
Exit.
Enter a fourth young Gentleman.
Enter a fourth young man.
4 Gent. I want a small pair of Scales.
4 Gent. I need a small pair of scales.
Mast. You shall have them, Sir.
Mast. You will have them, Sir.
4 Gent. Are they exactly true?
4 Guys. Are they really true?
Mast. The very Emblem of Justice, Sir, a Hair will turn 'em. [Ballancing the Scales.]
Mast. The very symbol of Justice, Sir, a hair will tip the scales. [Balancing the Scales.]
4 Gent. I would have them true, for they must determine some very nice statical Experiments.
4 Gent. I want them to be accurate, as they need to solve some very precise statistical experiments.
Mast. I'll engage they shall justly determine the nicest Experiments in Staticks, I have try'd them my self in some uncommon Subjects, and have prov'd their Goodness. I have taken a large Handful of Great Men's Promises, and put into one end; and lo! the Breath of a Fly in the other has kick'd up the Beam. I have seen four Peacock's Feathers, and the four Gold Clocks in Lord Tawdry's Stockings, suspend the Scales in Equilibrio. I have found by Experiment, that the Learning of a Beau, and the Wit of a Pedant are a just Counterpoise to each other. That the Pride and Vanity of any Man are in exact Proportion to his Ignorance. That a Grain of Good-nature will preponderate against an Ounce of Wit; a Heart full of Virtue against a Head full of Learning; an a Thimble full of Content against a Chest full of Gold.
Mast. I'll make sure they fairly evaluate the best experiments in statics. I've tried them myself with some unusual subjects, and I've proven their effectiveness. I've taken a large handful of promises from great men and put them at one end; and look! The breath of a fly at the other end has tipped the scale. I've seen four peacock feathers and four gold clocks from Lord Tawdry's stockings balancing the scales perfectly. I've discovered through experimentation that the knowledge of a dandy and the cleverness of a pedant are a perfect counterbalance to each other. That the pride and vanity of any man are directly proportional to his ignorance. That a grain of good nature outweighs an ounce of wit; a heart full of virtue outweighs a head full of knowledge; and a thimble full of content outweighs a chest full of gold.
4 Gent. This must be a very pretty Science, I fancy.
4 Gent. This must be a really interesting science, I think.
Mast. It would be endless to enumerate all the Experiments that might be made in these Scales; but there is one which every Man ought to be appriz'd of; and that is, that a Moderate Fortune, enjoy'd with Content, Freedom, and Independency will turn the Scales against whatever can be put in the other End.
Mast. It would take forever to list all the experiments that could be done with these scales; however, there is one that everyone should know about: a moderate fortune, enjoyed with contentment, freedom, and independence, will outweigh anything placed at the other end.
4 Gent. Well, this is a Branch of Staticks, which I must own I had but little Thoughts of entering into. However I begin to be persuaded, that to know the true Specifick Gravity of this Kind of Subjects, is of infinitely more Importance than that of any other Bodies in the Universe.
4 Gent. Well, this is a branch of statics that I have to admit I hadn't really thought much about getting into. However, I’m starting to think that understanding the true specific gravity of these kinds of subjects is a lot more important than that of any other bodies in the universe.
Mast. It is indeed. And that you may not want Encouragement to proceed in so useful a Study, I will let you have the Scales for Ten Shillings. If you make a right Use of them, they will be worth more to you than Ten Thousand Pounds.
Mast. It really is. And so you don’t feel like you need encouragement to continue in such a valuable study, I'll let you have the scales for ten shillings. If you use them correctly, they will be worth more to you than ten thousand pounds.
4 Gent. I confess I am struck with the Beauty and Usefulness of this Kind of moral Staticks, and believe I shall apply myself to make Experiments with great Delight. There's your Money, Sir: You shall hear shortly what Discoveries I make; in the mean Time, I am your humble Servant.
4 Gent. I admit I'm impressed by the beauty and usefulness of this type of moral analysis, and I think I’ll happily conduct some experiments. Here’s your money, sir: you'll hear soon about the discoveries I make; in the meantime, I remain your humble servant.
[Exit.
[Leave.
Mast. Sir, I am yours.
Mast. Sir, I'm yours.
Enter a second Old Man.
Enter a second Old Man.
2 Old Man. Sir, I understand you deal in Curiosities. Have you any Thing in your Shop, at present, that's pretty and curious?
2 Old Man. Sir, I understand you sell curiosities. Do you have anything in your shop right now that's nice and interesting?
Mast. Yes, Sir, I have a great many Things. But the most ancient Curiosity I have got, is a small Brass Plate, on which is engrav'd the Speech which Adam made to his Wife, on their first Meeting, together with her Answer. The Characters, thro' Age, are grown unintelligible; but for that 'tis the more to be valued. What is remarkable in this ancient Piece is, that Eve's Speech is about three Times as long as her Husband's. I have a Ram's Horn, one of those which help'd to blow down the Walls of Jericho. A Lock of Sampson's Hair, tied up in a Shred of Joseph's Garment. With several other Jewish Antiquities, which I purchas'd of that People at a very great Price. Then I have the Tune which Orpheus play'd to the Devil, when he charm'd back his Wife.
Mast. Yes, Sir, I have a lot of things. But the oldest curiosity I own is a small brass plate engraved with the speech that Adam made to his wife on their first meeting, along with her response. The letters have become unreadable over time, which only makes it more valuable. What’s interesting about this ancient piece is that Eve's speech is about three times longer than her husband's. I have a ram's horn, one of those that helped bring down the walls of Jericho. A lock of Sampson's hair, tied up in a piece of Joseph's garment. Plus several other Jewish antiquities that I bought from that people at a very high price. Then, I have the tune that Orpheus played to the devil when he charmed his wife back.
Gent. That was thought to be a silly Tune, I believe, for no Body has over car'd to learn it since.
Gent. That was considered a silly tune, I think, because nobody has bothered to learn it since.
Mast. Close cork'd up in a Thumb Phial, I have some Drops of Tears which Alexander wept, because he could do no more Mischief. I have a Snuff-box made out of the Tub in which Diogenes liv'd, and took Snuff at all the World. I have the Net in which Vulcan caught his Spouse and her Gallant; but our modern Wives are now grown so exceeding chaste, that there has not been an Opportunity of casting it these many Years.
Mast. I’ve got some tears bottled up in a small vial that were shed by Alexander because he couldn’t cause any more trouble. I have a snuff box made from the tub where Diogenes lived and took snuff around everyone. I also have the net that Vulcan used to catch his wife and her lover; but our modern wives are so incredibly virtuous now that there hasn’t been a chance to use it in many years.
Gent. [Aside to the Ladies.] Some would be so malicious now as instead of chaste to think he meant cunning.
Gent. [Aside to the Ladies.] Some would be so spiteful now as to think he meant sly instead of pure.
Mast. I have the Pitch Pipe of Gracchus, the Roman Orator, who, being apt, in Dispute, to raise his Voice too high, by touching a certain soft Note in this Pipe, would regulate and keep it in a moderate Key.
Mast. I have the Pitch Pipe of Gracchus, the Roman Orator, who, being prone to raise his Voice too high during arguments, would play a certain soft Note on this Pipe to help him stay in a moderate Key.
2 La. Such a Pipe as that, if it could be heard, would be very useful in Coffee-houses, and other publick Places of Debate and modern Disputation.
2 La. A pipe like that, if it could be heard, would be really useful in coffee shops and other public places for discussion and modern debates.
Gent. Yes, Madam, and, I believe, many a poor Husband would be glad of such a Regulator of the Voice in his own private Family too.
Gent. Yes, Madam, and I believe many a poor husband would appreciate having such a voice regulator in his own household as well.
Mast. There you was even with her, Sir. But the most valuable Curiosity I have, is a certain hollow Tube, which I call a Distinguisher; contriv'd with such Art, that, when rightly applied to the Ear, it obstructs all Falshood, Nonsence, and Absurdity, from striking upon the Tympanum: Nothing but Truth and Reason can make the least Impression upon the Auditory Nerves. I have sate in a Coffee-house sometimes, for the Space of Half an Hour, and amongst what is generally call'd the best Company, without hearing a single word. At a Dispute too, when I could perceive, by the eager Motions of both Parties, that they made the greatest Noise, I have enjoy'd the most profound Silence. It is a very useful Thing to have about one, either at Church or Play-house, or Westminster-hall; at all which Places a vast Variety both of useful and diverting Experiments may be made with it. The only Inconvenience attending it is, that no Man can make himself a compleat Master of it under Twenty Years close and diligent Practice: And that Term of Time it best commenc'd at Ten or Twelve Years old.
Mast. There you were with her, Sir. But the most interesting thing I have is a certain hollow tube, which I call a Distinguisher; designed so well that when used properly on the ear, it blocks out all falsehood, nonsense, and absurdity from reaching the eardrum: Only truth and reason can make any impact on the auditory nerves. I’ve sat in a coffee shop sometimes for half an hour, even among what’s usually called the best company, without hearing a single word. During a heated debate, when I could see both sides moving eagerly and making a lot of noise, I’ve enjoyed complete silence. It’s very useful to have around, whether at church, the theater, or Westminster Hall; where a wide range of useful and entertaining experiments can be done with it. The only downside is that no one can completely master it without twenty years of close and dedicated practice: and that training ideally starts at ten or twelve years old.
Gent. That indeed is an Inconvenience that will make it not every Body's Money. But one would think those Parents who see the Beauty and the Usefulness of Knowledge, Virtue, and a distinguishing Judgment, should take particular Care to engage their Children early in the Use and Practice of such a Distinguisher, whilst they have Time before them, and no other Concerns to interrupt their Application.
Gent. That really is an inconvenience that won't make it everyone's money. But one would expect those parents who recognize the beauty and usefulness of knowledge, virtue, and good judgment to take special care to involve their children early in the use and practice of such a distinguishing factor, while they still have time and no other distractions to interrupt their focus.
Mast. Some few do. But the Generality are so entirely taken up with the Care of little Master's Complexion, his Dress, his Dancing, and such like Effeminacies, that they have not the least Regard for any internal Accomplishments whatsoever. They are so far from teaching him to subdue his Passions, that they make it their whole Business to gratify them all.
Mast. Some do, but most are so completely focused on little Master's skin care, his outfit, his dancing, and similar frills that they give no thought to any inner qualities at all. They are so far from teaching him to manage his emotions that their entire focus is on satisfying them all.
2 Old Man. Well, Sir; to some People these may be thought curious Things, perhaps, and a very valuable Collection. But, to confess the Truth, these are not the Sort of curious Things I wanted. Have you no little Box, representing a wounded Heart, on the Inside the Lid? Nor pretty Ring, with an amorous Poesy? Nothing of that Sort, which is pretty and not common, in your Shop?
2 Old Man. Well, Sir; some people might find these items intriguing and think they’re a valuable collection. But honestly, these aren’t the kinds of curious things I was looking for. Don’t you have a small box that has a wounded heart painted on the inside of the lid? Or a pretty ring with a romantic inscription? Nothing like that, something pretty and unique, in your shop?
Mast. O yes, Sir! I have a very pretty Snuff-box here, on the inside of the Lid, do ye see, is a Man of threescore and ten acting the Lover, and hunting like a Boy after Gewgaws and Trifles, to please a Girl with.
Mast. Oh yes, Sir! I have a very nice snuffbox here; on the inside of the lid, you see, there's a man in his seventies acting like a lover, chasing after little trinkets and nonsense to impress a girl.
2 O. M. Meaning me, Sir? Do ye banter me, Sir?
2 O. M. Are you talking about me, Sir? Are you joking with me, Sir?
Mast. If you take it to your self, Sir, I can't help it.
Mast. If you keep it to yourself, Sir, that's your decision.
2 O. M. And is a Person of my Years and Gravity to be laugh'd at, then?
2 O. M. So, am I really supposed to be laughed at, just because of my age and seriousness?
Mast. Why, really, Sir, Years and Gravity do make such Childishness very ridiculous, I can't help owning. However, I am very sorry I have none of those curious Trifles for your Diversion, but I have delicate Hobby Horses and Rattles if you please.
Mast. Honestly, Sir, age and gravity really do make such silliness quite absurd, I can’t deny it. However, I’m truly sorry that I don’t have any of those interesting little things for your entertainment, but I do have some nice hobby horses and rattles if you’re interested.
2 O. M. By all the Charms of Araminta, I will revenge this affront.
2 O. M. By all the charms of Araminta, I will get back at this insult.
[Exit.
Exit.
Gent. Ha, ha, ha! how contemptible is Rage in Impotence! But pray, Sir, don't you think this kind of Freedom with your Customers detrimental to your Trade?
Gent. Ha, ha, ha! How ridiculous is rage when you can't do anything about it! But please, Sir, don’t you think this kind of openness with your customers is bad for your business?
Mast. No, no, Sir, the odd Character I have acquir'd by this rough kind of Sincerity and plain Dealing; together with the whimsical Humour of moralizing upon every Trifle I sell; are the Things, which by raising Peoples Curiosity, furnish me with all my Customers: And it is only Fools and Coxcombs I am so free with.
Mast. No, no, Sir, the quirky personality I've developed from this straightforward honesty and direct approach, along with my funny habit of making a big deal out of every little thing I sell, are what get people's attention and bring me all my customers. I only let my guard down with fools and idiots.
La. And in my Opinion, you are in the Right of it. Folly and Impertinence ought always to be the Objects of Satire and Ridicule.
La. And in my opinion, you’re absolutely right. Foolishness and rude behavior should always be the targets of satire and mockery.
Gent. Nay, upon second Thoughts, I don't know but this odd turn of Mind, which you have given your self, may not only be entertaining to several of your Customers, but, perhaps, very much so to your self.
Gent. Well, on second thought, I’m not sure this unusual way of thinking that you've adopted might not only be entertaining to some of your customers but, perhaps, very entertaining for you as well.
Mast. Vastly so, Sir. It very often helps me to Speculations infinitely agreeable. I can sit behind this Counter, and fancy my little Shop, and the Transactions of it, an agreeable Representation of the grand Theater of the World. When I see a Fool come in here, and throw away 50 or 100 Guineas for a Trifle that is not really worth a Shilling, I am sometimes surpriz'd: But when I look out into the World, and see Lordships and Manors barter'd away for gilt Coaches and Equipage; an Estate for a Title; and an easy Freedom in Retirement for a servile Attendance in a Crowd; when I see Health with great eagerness exchang'd for Diseases, and Happiness for a Game at Hazard; my Wonder ceases. Surely the World is a great Toy-shop, and all it's Inhabitants run mad for Rattles. Nay, even the very wisest of us, however, we may flatter our selves, have some Failing or Weakness, some Toy or Trifle, that we are ridiculously fond of. Yet, so very partial are we to our own dear selves, that we over-look those Miscarriages in our own Conduct, which we loudly exclaim against in that of others; and, tho' the same Fool's Turbant fits us all,
Mast. Definitely, Sir. It often leads me to thoughts that are incredibly enjoyable. I can sit behind this counter and imagine my little shop and its transactions as a delightful reflection of the grand stage of the world. When I see a fool walk in and waste 50 or 100 guineas on something that's really only worth a shilling, I'm sometimes shocked. But when I look outside at the world and see estates and properties traded for fancy coaches and fancy gear; land swapped for a title; and a peaceful retirement exchanged for subservient work in a crowd; when I see health eagerly traded for sickness, and happiness for a gamble, my surprise fades. Surely, the world is a giant toy store, and all its inhabitants are crazily chasing after playthings. Even the wisest among us, no matter how much we might deceive ourselves, have some flaw or weakness, some toy or trinket, that we are absurdly attached to. Yet, we are so biased towards our own interests that we ignore the failings in our own behavior while loudly criticizing those in others; and although the same fool's headdress may fit us all,
You say that I, I say that You are He,
You say that I am, I say that you are Him,
And each Man swears "The Cap's not made for me."
And every man says, "The cap isn't made for me."
Gent. Ha, ha! 'Tis very true, indeed. But I imagine you now begin to think it Time to shut up Shop. Ladies, do ye want any Thing else?
Gent. Ha, ha! It's very true, indeed. But I guess you're starting to think it's time to close up shop. Ladies, do you need anything else?
1 La. No, I think not. If you please to put up that Looking-glass; and the Perspective, I will pay you for them.
1 La. No, I don’t think so. If you don’t mind putting up that mirror and the perspective, I’ll pay you for them.
Gent. Well, Madam, how do you like this whimsical Humourist?
Sir. So, madam, what do you think of this quirky humorist?
1. La. Why, really, in my Opinion, the Man's as great a Curiosity himself, as any Thing he has got in his Shop.
1. La. Honestly, I think the man is just as much of a curiosity as anything he has in his shop.
Gent. He is so indeed. I think we have heard a great Deal of Folly very justly ridicul'd.
Gent. He really is. I think we've heard a lot of foolishness mocked quite rightly.
In this gay thoughtless Age He'as found a Way,
In this carefree age, he's found a way,
In trifling Things just Morals to convey.
In small matters, just lessons to share.
'Tis his at once to please and to reform,
It's his job to both please and reform,
And give old Satire a new Pow'r to charm.
And give old Satire a new power to charm.
And, would you guide your Lives and Actions right,
And, would you steer your lives and actions properly,
Think on the Maxims you have heard to Night.
Reflect on the Maxims you've heard tonight.
FINIS.
THE END.
THE
THE
KING
KING
AND THE
AND THE
MILLER
MILLER
OF
OF
MANSFIELD.
Mansfield.
A
A
Dramatick Satire.
Dramatic Satire.
By R. DODSLEY,
By R. DODSLEY,
Author of the Toy-Shop.
Author of the Toy Store.
LONDON:
LONDON:
Printed for the Author, at Tully's Head, Pall-Mall; and Sold by T. Cooper, at the Globe in Pater-Noster-Row. M.DCC.XXXVII.
Printed for the Writer, at Tully's Head, Pall-Mall; and sold by T. Cooper, at the Globe in Pater-Noster-Row. 1737.
Dramatis Personæ.
Characters.
MEN.
Men.
The King, | Mr. Cibber. |
The Miller, | Mr. Miller. |
Richard the Miller's Son, | Mr. Berry. |
Lord Lurewell, | Mr. Este. |
Royal advisers and | |
Guardians of the Forest. |
WOMEN.
Women.
Peggy, | Mrs. Pritchard. |
Margery, | Mrs. Bennet. |
Kate, | Mrs. Cross. |
SCENE, Sherwood Forest.
SCENE, Sherwood Forest.
THE
THE
KING
KING
AND THE
AND THE
MILLER.
MILLER.
SCENE, Sherwood Forest.
SCENE, Sherwood Forest.
Enter several Courtiers as lost.
Enter several Courtiers as missing.
1 Courtier.
is horrid dark! and this Wood I believe has neither End nor Side.
1 Courtier.
it's really dark! and I think this forest has no end or sides.
4 C. You mean to get out at, for we have found one in you see.
4 C. You intend to leave at, because we have found one in you see.
2 C. I wish our good King Harry had kept nearer home to hunt; in my Mind the pretty, tame Deer in London make much better Sport than the wild ones in Sherwood Forest.
2 C. I wish our good King Harry had stayed closer to home to hunt; in my opinion, the charming, tame deer in London provide much better sport than the wild ones in Sherwood Forest.
3 C. I can't tell which Way his Majesty went, nor whether any-body is with him or not, but let us keep together pray.
3 C. I can't figure out which way the King went or if anyone is with him, but let's stick together, please.
4 C. Ay, ay, like true Courtiers, take Care of ourselves whatever becomes of Master.
4 C. Yeah, yeah, like true courtiers, we look after ourselves no matter what happens to the master.
2 C. Well, it's a terrible Thing to be lost in the Dark.
2 C. Well, it's a horrible thing to be lost in the dark.
4 C. It is. And yet it's so common a Case, that one would not think it should be at all so. Why we are all of us lost in the Dark every Day of our Lives. Knaves keep us in the Dark by their Cunning, and Fools by their Ignorance. Divines lose us in dark Mysteries; Lawyers in dark Cases; and Statesmen in dark Intrigues: Nay, the Light of Reason, which we so much boast of, what is it but a Dark-Lanthorn, which just serves to prevent us from running our Nose against a Post, perhaps; but is no more able to lead us out of the dark Mists of Error and Ignorance, in which we are lost, than an Ignis fatuus would be to conduct us out of this Wood.
4 C. It is. And yet it's such a common situation that you wouldn't think it should be this way. We are all lost in the dark every day of our lives. Tricksters keep us in the dark with their cleverness, and fools do so with their ignorance. Religious leaders confuse us with complicated mysteries; lawyers entangle us in convoluted cases; and politicians deceive us with underhanded schemes. Even the light of reason, which we brag about so much, is really just a flashlight that helps us avoid bumping into something, but it can't guide us out of the thick fog of error and ignorance where we are stuck, any more than a will-o'-the-wisp could lead us out of this woods.
1 C. But, my Lord, this is no time for Preaching methinks. And for all your Morals, Day-light would be much preferable to this Darkness I believe.
1 C. But, my Lord, this isn't the time for preaching, I think. And for all your morals, daylight would be much better than this darkness, in my opinion.
3 C. Indeed wou'd it. But come, let us go on, we shall find some House or other by and by.
3 C. It definitely would. But come on, let's keep going; we'll find some house or another soon.
4 C. Come along.
4 C. Come on.
[Exeunt.
[Exit.
Enter the King alone.
Enter the King solo.
No, no, this can be no publick Road that's certain: I am lost, quite lost indeed. Of what Advantage is it now to be a King? Night shews me no Respect: I cannot see better, nor walk so well as another Man. What is a King? Is he not wiser than another Man? Not without his Counsellors I plainly find. Is he not more powerful? I oft have been told so, indeed, but what now can my Power command? Is he not greater and more magnificent? When seated on his Throne, and surrounded with Nobles and Flatterers, perhaps he may think so, but when lost in a Wood, alas! what is he but a common Man? His Wisdom knows not which is North and which is South; his Power a Beggar's Dog would bark at; and his Greatness the Beggar would not bow to. And yet how oft are we puff'd up with these false Attributes? Well, in losing the Monarch, I have found the Man.
No, no, this can't be a public road, that's for sure: I'm totally lost, really lost. What’s the point of being a king now? Night shows me no respect: I can't see any better, nor walk as well as anyone else. What is a king? Is he not wiser than anyone else? I clearly see he isn’t without his advisors. Is he not more powerful? I've often been told that, but what can my power do now? Is he not greater and more magnificent? When sitting on his throne, surrounded by nobles and flatterers, maybe he thinks so, but when lost in a forest, what is he but an average guy? His wisdom doesn’t know which way is north or south; his power would be barked at by a beggar’s dog; and his greatness wouldn’t even earn a bow from the beggar. And yet how often are we filled with these false traits? Well, in losing the monarch, I’ve found the man.
[The Report of a Gun is heard.
[The sound of a gunshot is heard. ]
Hark! Some Villain sure is near! What were it best to do? Will my Majesty protect me? No. Throw Majesty aside then, and let Manhood do it.
Hark! Some villain must be nearby! What should I do? Will my Majesty protect me? No. Let's put Majesty aside then, and let bravery take over.
Enter the Miller.
Enter the Miller.
Mil. I believe I hear the Rogue. Who's there?
Mil. I think I hear the Rogue. Who’s there?
King. No Rogue, I assure you.
King. Not a Rogue, I swear.
Mil. Little better, Friend, I believe. Who fir'd that Gun?
Mil. A little better, I think, my friend. Who fired that gun?
King. Not I, indeed.
King. Not me, for sure.
Mil. You lie, I believe.
Military. You're lying, I believe.
King. Lie! lie! How strange it seems to me to be talk'd to in this Stile. [Aside.] Upon my Word I don't.
King. Lie! lie! It's so weird to me to be spoken to like this. [Aside.] Honestly, I don't.
Mil. Come, come, Sirrah, confess; you have shot one of the King's Deer, have not you?
Mil. Come on, admit it; you’ve shot one of the King’s deer, haven’t you?
King. No indeed, I owe the King more Respect. I heard a Gun go off, indeed, and was afraid some Robbers might have been near.
King. No, I definitely owe the King more respect. I did hear a gun go off, and I was worried that some robbers might be nearby.
Mil. I am not bound to believe this, Friend. Pray who are you? What's your Name?
Mil. I don’t have to believe this, friend. Who are you? What’s your name?
King. Name!
King. Dude!
Mil. Name! yes Name. Why you have a Name, have not you? Where do you come from? What is your Business here?
Mil. Name! Yes, Name. Why do you have a Name, don't you? Where are you from? What brings you here?
King. These are Questions I have not been us'd to, honest Man.
King. These are questions I'm not used to, honest man.
Mil. May be so; but they are Questions no honest Man would be afraid to answer, I think: So if you can give no better Account of your self, I shall make bold to take you along with me, if you please.
Mil. That might be true; but those are questions that no honest person should be afraid to answer, in my opinion. So if you can’t provide a better explanation of yourself, I’ll go ahead and take you with me, if that’s okay with you.
King. With you! What Authority have you to——
King. With you! What power do you have to——
Mil. The King's Authority, if I must give you an Account, Sir. I am John Cockle, the Miller of Mansfield, one of his Majesty's Keepers in this Forest of Sherwood; and I will let no suspected Fellow pass this Way that cannot give a better Account of himself than you have done, I promise you.
Mil. The King's authority, if I need to explain, Sir. I am John Cockle, the Miller from Mansfield, one of the King's Keepers in this Forest of Sherwood; and I won’t let any suspicious person get through here unless they can provide a better explanation than you have, I assure you.
King. I must submit to my own Authority. [Aside.] Very well, Sir, I am glad to hear the King has so good an Officer: And since I find you have his Authority, I will give you a better Account of myself, if you will do me the Favour to hear it.
King. I have to respect my own authority. [Aside.] Alright, Sir, I’m pleased to know that the King has such a capable officer. And since I see you have his authority, I’ll share more about myself if you’ll do me the favor of listening.
Mil. It's more than you deserve, I believe; but let's hear what you can say for yourself.
Mil. I think it's more than you deserve, but let’s hear what you have to say for yourself.
King. I have the Honour to belong to the King as well as you, and, perhaps, should be as unwilling to see any Wrong done him. I came down with him to hunt in this Forest, and the Chace leading us to Day a great Way from Home, I am benighted in this Wood, and have lost my Way.
King. I’m honored to be associated with the King just like you are, and I probably would also be just as reluctant to see any harm come to him. I came down here with him to hunt in this forest, and since the chase took us quite far from home, I’ve gotten lost in this woods and can’t find my way.
Mil. This does not sound well; if you have been a hunting, pray where is your Horse?
Mil. That doesn't sound right; if you've been hunting, where's your horse?
King. I have tired my Horse so that he lay down under me, and I was oblig'd to leave him.
King. I've worn my horse out to the point where he collapsed beneath me, and I had to leave him behind.
Mil. If I thought I might believe this now.
Mil. If I thought I could believe this now.
King. I am not used to lie, honest Man.
King. I’m not used to lying, honest man.
Mil. What! do you live at Court, and not lie! that's a likely Story indeed.
Mil. What! You live at court and you’re not lying? That’s quite a story, indeed.
King. Be that as it will. I speak Truth now I assure you; and, to convince you of it, if you will attend me to Nottingham, if I am near it; or give me a Night's Lodging in your own House, here is something to pay you for your Trouble, and if that is not sufficient, I will satisfy you in the Morning to your utmost Desire.
King. That being said, I’m speaking the truth right now, and to prove it, if you’ll come with me to Nottingham, or let me stay the night at your place, I have something to offer you for your trouble. If that’s not enough, I’ll make sure to make it up to you in the morning, completely to your satisfaction.
Mil. Ay, now I am convinc'd you are a Courtier; here is a little Bribe for to Day, and a large Promise for To-morrow, both in a Breath: Here, take it again, and take this along with it——John Cockle is no Courtier, he can do what he ought——without a Bribe.
Mil. Yes, now I’m convinced you’re a Courtier; here’s a small bribe for today and a big promise for tomorrow, all in one breath: Here, take it back, and take this along with it—John Cockle is no Courtier; he can do what he should—without a bribe.
King. Thou art a very extraordinary Man I must own; and I should be glad, methinks, to be further acquainted with thee.
King. You are a very extraordinary man, I must admit; and I would love to get to know you better.
Mil. Thee! and Thou! Prythee don't thee and thou me; I believe I am as good a Man as yourself at least.
Mil. You! Please don’t “thee” and “thou” me; I believe I’m at least as good a man as you are.
King. Sir, I beg your Pardon.
King. Sir, I apologize.
Mil. Nay, I am not angry, Friend, only I don't love to be too familiar with any-body, before I know whether they deserve it or not.
Mil. No, I'm not angry, friend, I just don't like to be overly familiar with anyone until I know if they deserve it or not.
King. You are in the Right. But what am I to do?
King. You’re right. But what should I do?
Mil. You may do what you please. You are twelve Miles from Nottingham, and all the Way through this thick Wood; but if you are resolv'd upon going thither to Night, I will put you in the Road, and direct you the best I can; or if you will accept of such poor Entertainment as a Miller can give, you shall be welcome to stay all Night, and in the Morning I will go with you myself.
Mil. You can do whatever you want. You're twelve miles from Nottingham, and it’s all through this dense forest; but if you’re determined to go there tonight, I’ll set you on the path and guide you as best as I can; or if you'd like to take advantage of the modest hospitality a miller can offer, you're welcome to stay the night, and in the morning, I’ll go with you myself.
King. And cannot you go with me to Night?
King. Can't you come with me tonight?
Mil. I would not go with you to Night if you was the King.
Mil. I wouldn't go with you tonight even if you were the King.
King. Then I must go with you, I think.
King. Then I guess I have to go with you.
[Exeunt.
[Leave the scene.
Scene changes to the Town of Mansfield.
Scene changes to the town of Mansfield.
Dick alone.
Dick alone.
Well, dear Mansfield, I am glad to see thy Face again. But my Heart aches, methinks, for fear this should be only a Trick of theirs to get me into their Power. Yet the Letter seems to be wrote with an Air of Sincerity, I confess; and the Girl was never us'd to lie till she kept a Lord Company. Let me see, I'll read it once more.
Well, dear Mansfield, I'm glad to see your face again. But my heart aches, I think, for fear this might just be a trick of theirs to get me under their control. Still, the letter seems to be written with an air of sincerity, I admit; and the girl never used to lie until she started hanging out with a lord. Let me see, I'll read it once more.
Dear Richard,
Hi Richard,
I am at last (tho' much too late for me) convinc'd of the Injury done to us both by that base Man, who made me think you false; he contriv'd these Letters, which I send you, to make me think you just upon the Point of being married to another, a Thought I could not bear with Patience, so aiming at Revenge on you, consented to my own Undoing. But for your own sake I beg you to return hither, for I have some Hopes of being able to do you Justice, which is the only Comfort of your most distrest but ever affectionate,
I finally realize (although it's far too late for me) the harm that base man caused us both, making me believe you were unfaithful. He created these letters, which I'm sending you, to convince me you were about to marry someone else—a thought I couldn't handle. In my desire for revenge against you, I ended up doing harm to myself. But for your own sake, I ask that you come back, as I still hope to make things right, which is the only comfort for your most distressed but always loving,
Peggy.
Peggy.
There can be no Cheat in this sure! The Letters she has sent are, I think, a Proof of her Sincerity. Well, I will go to her however: I cannot think she will again betray me: If she has as much Tenderness left for me, as, in spite of her Ill-usage, I still feel for her, I'm sure she won't. Let me see, I am not far from the House, I believe.
There can be no doubt about this! The letters she has sent are, I think, proof of her sincerity. Well, I will go to her anyway: I can't believe she would betray me again. If she has as much care left for me as I still feel for her, despite how she's treated me, I'm sure she won't. Let me see, I believe I'm not far from the house.
[Exit.
Exit.
Scene changes to a Room.
Scene changes to a room.
Peggy and Phœbe.
Peggy and Phœbe.
Phœ. Pray, Madam, make yourself easy.
Pho. Please, ma'am, relax.
Peg. Ah! Phœbe, she that has lost her Virtue, has with it lost her Ease, and all her Happiness. Believing, cheated Fool! to think him false.
Peg. Ah! Phoebe, she who has lost her virtue has also lost her peace of mind and all her happiness. How foolish of her to believe he was unfaithful!
Phœ. Be patient, Madam, I hope you will shortly be reveng'd on that deceitful Lord.
Phœ. Be patient, Madam, I hope you'll soon get your revenge on that deceitful Lord.
Peg. I hope I shall, for that were just Revenge. But will Revenge make me happy? Will it excuse my Falshood? Will it restore me to the Heart of my much-injur'd Love? Ah! no. That blooming Innocence he us'd to praise, and call the greatest Beauty of our Sex, is gone. I have no Charm left that might renew that Flame I took such Pains to quench.
Peg. I hope I will, because that would be sweet revenge. But will revenge make me happy? Will it justify my lies? Will it bring me back into the heart of my deeply hurt love? Ah! no. That beautiful innocence he used to praise and referred to as the greatest beauty of our gender is gone. I have no charm left that could reignite the flame I worked so hard to extinguish.
[Knocking at the Door.
Knocking at the Door.
See who's there. O Heavens 'tis he! Alas! that ever I should be asham'd to see the Man I love!
See who's there. Oh my God, it's him! How terrible it is that I should ever be ashamed to see the man I love!
Enter Richard, who stands looking on her at a Distance, she weeping.
Enter Richard, who stands watching her from a distance, she is crying.
Dick. Well, Peggy (but I suppose you're Madam now in that fine Dress) you see you have brought me back; is it to triumph in your Falshood? or am I to receive the slighted Leavings of your fine Lord?
Dick. Well, Peggy (but I guess you’re called Madam now in that fancy dress) you see you’ve brought me back; is it to gloat over your deceit? Or am I just here to get the leftovers of your fancy lord?
Peg. O Richard! after the Injury I have done you, I cannot look on you without Confusion: But do not think so hardly of me; I stay'd not to be slighted by him, for the Moment I discover'd his vile Plot on you, I fled his Sight, nor could he e'er prevail to see me since.
Peg. O Richard! After the hurt I've caused you, I can't look at you without feeling embarrassed. But please don't be too harsh on me; I didn't want to be treated poorly by him. The moment I found out about his nasty plan against you, I ran away from him, and he's never been able to see me since.
Dick. Ah, Peggy! you were too hasty in believing, and much I fear, the Vengeance aim'd at me, had other Charms to recommend it to you: Such Bravery as that [Pointing to her Cloaths] I had not to bestow; but if a tender, honest Heart could please, you had it all; and if I wish'd for more, 'twas for your sake.
Dick. Ah, Peggy! You were too quick to believe, and I’m afraid the Vengeance that was aimed at me had other attractive qualities for you: I didn’t have the kind of bravery that [Pointing to her clothes] you might appreciate; but if a caring, honest heart could please you, then you had all of mine; and if I wanted more, it was only for your sake.
Peg. O Richard! when you consider the wicked Stratagem he contriv'd to make me think you base and deceitful, I hope you will, at least, pity my Folly, and, in some Measure, excuse my Falshood; that you will forgive me, I dare not hope.
Peg. O Richard! When you think about the wicked plan he came up with to make me believe you are low and deceitful, I hope you will at least feel sorry for my foolishness and, to some extent, excuse my dishonesty; that you will forgive me, I can't dare to hope.
Dick. To be forc'd to fly from my Friends and Country, for a Crime that I was innocent of, is an Injury that I cannot easily forgive to be sure: But if you are less guilty of it than I thought, I shall be very glad; and if your Design be really as you say, to clear me, and to expose the Baseness of him that betray'd and ruin'd you, I will join with you with all my Heart. But how do you propose to do this?
Dick. Being forced to run away from my friends and country for a crime I didn't commit is an injury I can't easily forgive, for sure. But if you're less guilty than I thought, I'll be really glad; and if your plan is truly, as you said, to clear my name and reveal the wickedness of the person who betrayed and ruined you, I will fully support you. But how are you planning to do this?
Peg. The King is now in this Forest a hunting, and our young Lord is every Day with him: Now, I think, if we could take some Opportunity of throwing ourselves at his Majesty's Feet, and complaining of the Injustice of one of his Courtiers, it might, perhaps, have some Effect upon him.
Peg. The King is currently hunting in this forest, and our young Lord is with him every day. I think if we could find a chance to throw ourselves at his Majesty's feet and complain about the unfairness of one of his Courtiers, it might have some impact on him.
Dick. If we were suffer'd to make him sensible of it, perhaps it might; but the Complaints of such little Folks as we seldom reach the Ears of Majesty.
Dick. If we were allowed to make him aware of it, maybe it would work; but the complaints of little people like us rarely reach the ears of those in power.
Peg. We can but try.
Peg. We can only try.
Dick. Well, If you will go with me to my Father's, and stay there till such an Opportunity happens, I shall believe you in earnest, and will join with you in your Design.
Dick. Well, if you come with me to my dad's and stay there until the chance comes up, I'll take you seriously and will help you with your plan.
Peg. I will do any thing to convince you of my Sincerity, and to make Satisfaction for the Injuries which have been done you.
Peg. I will do anything to prove my sincerity and to make amends for the harm that has been done to you.
Dick. Will you go now?
Dick. Are you leaving now?
Peg. I will be with you in less than an Hour.
Peg. I'll be with you in less than an hour.
[Exeunt.
[Leave the stage.
Scene changes to the Mill.
Scene shifts to the Mill.
Margery and Kate Knitting.
Margery and Kate Knitting.
Kate. O dear, I would not see a Spirit for all the World; but I love dearly to hear Stories of them. Well, and what then?
Kate. Oh dear, I wouldn't want to see a Spirit for anything in the world; but I do love hearing stories about them. So, what’s next?
Mar. And so, at last, in a dismal, hollow Tone it cry'd——
Mar. And so, finally, in a gloomy, empty tone it cried——
[A Knocking at the Door frights them both; they scream out, and throw down their Knitting.
A knock at the door startles them both; they scream and drop their knitting.
Mar. and Kate. Lord bless us! What's that?
Mar. and Kate. Lord bless us! What's that?
Kate. O dear, Mother, it's some Judgment upon us I'm afraid. They say, talk of the Devil and he'll appear.
Kate. Oh no, Mother, I think this is some kind of judgment on us. They say if you talk about the Devil, he'll show up.
Mar. Kate, go and see who's at the Door.
Mar. Kate, go check who's at the door.
Kate. I durst not go, Mother; do you go.
Kate. I can't go, Mom; you should go.
Mar. Come, let's both go.
Let's go together.
Kate. Now don't speak as if you was afraid.
Kate. Now don't talk as if you're scared.
Mar. No, I won't, if I can help it. Who's there?
Mar. No, I won’t, if I can avoid it. Who's there?
Dick without. What, won't you let me in?
Dick without. What, you won’t let me in?
Kate. O Gemini! it's like our Dick, I think: He's certainly dead, and it's his Spirit.
Kate. Oh Gemini! it's like our Dick, I think: He's definitely dead, and this is his Spirit.
Mar. Heaven forbid! I think in my Heart it's he himself. Open the Door, Kate.
Mar. God forbid! I believe in my heart it's really him. Open the door, Kate.
Kate. Nay, do you.
Kate. No, you do.
Mar. Come, we'll both open it.
Mar. Come on, we’ll both open it.
[They open the Door.
They open the door.
Enter Dick.
Join Dick.
Dick. Dear Mother, how do ye do? I thought you would not have let me in.
Dick. Dear Mom, how are you? I thought you wouldn't let me in.
Mar. Dear Child, I'm over-joy'd to see thee; but I was so frighted, I did not know what to do.
Mar. Dear Child, I'm so happy to see you; but I was so scared, I didn't know what to do.
Kate. Dear Brother, I am glad to see you; how have you done this long while?
Kate. Hey Brother, I’m happy to see you; how have you been all this time?
Dick. Very well, Kate. But where's my Father?
Dick. Alright, Kate. But where's my dad?
Mar. He heard a Gun go off just now, and he's gone to see who 'tis.
Mar. He just heard a gunshot, and he's gone to find out who it is.
Dick. What, they love Venison at Mansfield as well as ever, I suppose?
Dick. What, they still love venison at Mansfield just as much, I guess?
Kate. Ay, and they will have it too.
Kate. Yeah, and they'll insist on it too.
Miller without. Hoa! Madge! Kate! bring a Light here.
Miller outside. Hey! Madge! Kate! Bring a light over here.
Mar. Yonder he is.
Mar. There he is.
Kate. Has he catch'd the Rogue, I wonder?
Kate. I wonder if he caught the guy?
Enter the King and the Miller.
Enter the King and the Miller.
Mar. Who have you got?
Mar. Who do you have?
Mil. I have brought thee a Stranger, Madge; thou must give him a Supper, and a Lodging if thou can'st.
Mil. I've brought you a stranger, Madge; you need to give him dinner and a place to stay if you can.
Mar. You have got a better Stranger of your own, I can tell you: Dick's come.
Mar. You've got a better Stranger of your own, I can tell you: Dick has arrived.
Mil. Dick! Where is he? Why Dick! How is't my Lad?
Mil. Dick! Where is he? Why Dick! How’s it going, my friend?
Dick. Very well, I thank you, Father.
Dick. I'm doing well, thank you, Dad.
King. A little more and you had push'd me down.
King. You nearly knocked me over.
Mil. Faith, Sir, you must excuse me; I was over-joy'd to see my Boy. He has been at London, and I have not seen him these four Yerrs.
Mil. Honestly, Sir, you have to forgive me; I was so happy to see my Boy. He’s been in London, and I haven’t seen him for four years.
King. Well, I shall once in my Life have the Happiness of being treated as a common Man; and of seeing human Nature without Disguise. [Aside.]
King. Well, I will finally have the chance to experience the joy of being treated like an ordinary person and to see human nature without any pretense. [Aside.]
Mil. What has brought thee Home so unexpected?
Mil. What brought you home so unexpectedly?
Dick. You will know that presently.
Dick. You'll know that soon.
Mil. Of that by-and-by then. We have got the King down in the Forest a hunting this Season, and this honest Gentleman, who came down with his Majesty from London, has been with 'em to Day it seems, and has lost his Way. Come, Madge, see what thou can'st get for Supper. Kill a Couple of the best Fowls; and go you, Kate, and draw a Pitcher of Ale. We are famous, Sir, at Mansfield, for good Ale, and for honest Fellows that know how to drink it.
Mil. We'll talk about that later. The King is out in the Forest hunting this season, and this honest gentleman who came down with His Majesty from London seems to have gotten lost while with them today. Come on, Madge, see what you can get for supper. Kill a couple of the best chickens; and you, Kate, go draw a pitcher of ale. We're known for great ale here in Mansfield, and for good folks who know how to enjoy it.
King. Good Ale will be acceptable at present, for I am very dry. But pray, how came your Son to leave you, and go to London?
King. Good ale will do for now, since I'm quite thirsty. But please, how did your son end up leaving you to go to London?
Mil. Why, that's a Story which Dick, perhaps, won't like to have told.
Mil. Well, that's a story that Dick might not want shared.
King. Then I don't desire to hear it.
King. Then I don’t want to hear it.
Enter Kate with an Earthen Pitcher of Ale, and a Horn.
Enter Kate with an Earthen Pitcher of Ale, and a Horn.
Mil. So, now do you go help your Mother. Sir, my hearty Service to you.
Mil. So, now go help your mom. Sir, I send my best regards to you.
King. Thank ye, Sir. This plain Sincerity and Freedom, is a Happiness unknown to Kings. [Aside.]
King. Thank you, Sir. This straightforward honesty and freedom is a happiness that kings don’t know. [Aside.]
Mil. Come, Sir.
Mil. Come on, Sir.
King. Richard, my Service to you.
King. Richard, I’m at your service.
Dick. Thank you, Sir.
Thanks, Sir.
Mil. Well, Dick, and how do'st thou like London? Come, tell us what thou hast seen.
Mil. Well, Dick, how do you like London? Come on, tell us what you've seen.
Dick. Seen! I have seen the Land of Promise.
Dick. Look! I've seen the Promised Land.
Mil. The Land of Promise! What dost thou mean?
Mil. The Land of Promise! What do you mean?
Dick. The Court, Father.
Dick. The Court, Dad.
Mil. Thou wilt never leave joking.
Mil. You'll never stop joking.
Dick. To be serious then, I have seen the Disappointment of all my Hopes and Expectations; and that's more than one would wish to see.
Dick. To be serious now, I have experienced the disappointment of all my hopes and expectations, and that's more than anyone would want to face.
Mil. What, would the great Man thou wast recommended to, do nothing at all for thee at last?
Mil. What, would the great man you were recommended to, not do anything for you in the end?
Dick. Why, yes; he would promise me to the last.
Dick. Yeah, he would totally promise me to the end.
Mil. Zoons! do the Courtiers think their Dependants can eat Promises!
Mil. Zoons! Do the courtiers really believe their followers can live on promises!
Dick. No, no, they never trouble their Heads to think, whether we eat at all or not. I have now dangled after his Lordship several Years, tantaliz'd with Hopes and Expectations; this Year promised one Place, the next another, and the third, in sure and certain Hope of——a Disappointment. One falls, and it was promis'd before; another, and I am just Half an Hour too late; a third, and it stops the Mouth of a Creditor; a fourth, and it pays the Hire of a Flatterer; a fifth, and it bribes a Vote; and the sixth, I am promis'd still. But having thus slept away some Years, I awoke from my Dream: My Lord, I found, was so far from having it in his Power to get a Place for me, that he had been all this while seeking after one for himself.
Dick. No, they never bother to think about whether we eat or not. I've been following his Lordship for several years, teased with hopes and expectations; this year promised one job, the next another, and the third, in the sure and certain hope of——a disappointment. One falls through, and it was promised before; another, and I'm just half an hour too late; a third, and it silences a creditor; a fourth, and it pays off a flatterer; a fifth, and it buys a vote; and the sixth, I'm still promised. But after wasting away some years, I woke up from my dream: My Lord, I found, was far from being able to get a job for me; he had been all this time looking for one for himself.
Mil. Poor Dick! And is plain Honesty then a Recommendation to no Place at Court?
Mil. Poor Dick! So, is being straightforward not an advantage in any court?
Dick. It may recommend you to be a Footman, perhaps, but nothing further, nothing further, indeed. If you look higher, you must furnish yourself with other Qualifications: You must learn to say Ay, or No; to run, or stand; to fetch, or carry, or leap over a Stick at the Word of Command. You must be Master of the Arts of Flattery, Insinuation, Dissimulation, Application, and [Pointing to his Palm] right Application too, if you hope to succeed.
Dick. It might suggest that you become a footman, but nothing beyond that, really. If you aim higher, you need to equip yourself with different skills: You have to know how to say yes or no; to run or stand; to fetch or carry, or leap over a stick at command. You must master the arts of flattery, insinuation, deception, attention, and [pointing to his palm] the right kind of attention too, if you want to succeed.
King. You don't consider I am a Courtier, methinks.
King. You probably don't think of me as a Courtier, I suppose.
Dick. Not I, indeed; 'tis no Concern of mine what you are. If, in general, my Character of the Court is true, 'tis not my Fault if it's disagreable to your Worship. There are particular Exceptions I own, and I hope you may be one.
Dick. Not me, for sure; it’s not my business what you are. If my general impression of the Court is accurate, it’s not my fault if it doesn’t sit well with you. I do admit there are specific exceptions, and I hope you might be one of them.
King. Nay, I don't want to be flatter'd, so let that pass. Here's better Success to you the next Time you come to London.
King. No, I don't want to be flattered, so let's skip that. Here's to better success for you the next time you come to London.
Dick. I thank ye; but I don't design to see it again in haste.
Dick. Thank you; but I don't plan on seeing it again anytime soon.
Mil. No, no, Dick; instead of depending upon Lords Promises, depend upon the Labour of thine own Hands; expect nothing but what thou can'st earn, and then thou wilt not be disappointed. But come, I want a Description of London; thou hast told us nothing thou hast seen yet.
Mil. No, no, Dick; instead of relying on the promises of lords, count on the work of your own hands; expect nothing but what you can earn, and then you won’t be disappointed. But come on, I want a description of London; you haven't told us anything you've seen yet.
Dick. O! 'tis a fine Place! I have seen large Houses with small Hospitality; great Men do little Actions; and fine Ladies do——nothing at all. I have seen the honest Lawyers of Westminster-Hall, and the virtuous Inhabitants of 'Change-Alley. The politick Mad-men of Coffee-Houses, and the wise Statesmen of Bedlam. I have seen merry Tragedies, and sad Comedies; Devotion at an Opera, and Mirth at a Sermon; I have seen fine Cloaths at St. James's, and long Bills at Ludgate-Hill. I have seen poor Grandeur, and rich Poverty; high Honours, and low Flattery, great Pride, and no Merit. In short, I have seen a Fool with a Title, a Knave with a Pension, and an honest Man with a Thread-bare Coat. Pray how do you like London?
Dick. Oh! It's a great place! I've seen big houses with little hospitality; important people doing small things; and classy ladies doing——nothing at all. I've seen the honest lawyers of Westminster-Hall, and the virtuous residents of 'Change-Alley. The scheming madmen in coffee shops, and the wise politicians of Bedlam. I've seen joyful tragedies and sad comedies; devotion at an opera and laughter at a sermon; I've seen fancy clothes at St. James's, and long bills at Ludgate-Hill. I've seen poor grandeur and rich poverty; high honors and low flattery, great pride and no merit. In short, I've seen a fool with a title, a crook with a pension, and an honest man in a threadbare coat. So, what do you think of London?
Mil. And is this the best Description thou can'st give of it?
Mil. Is this the best description you can give of it?
Dick. Yes.
Richard. Yes.
King. Why, Richard, you are a Satirist, I find.
King. Why, Richard, it seems you’re quite the satirist.
Dick. I love to speak Truth, Sir; if that happens to be Satire, I can't help it.
Dick. I love to tell the truth, Sir; if that comes off as satire, I can't help it.
Mil. Well, if this is London, give me my Country Cottage; which, tho' it is not a great House, nor a fine House, is my own House, and I can shew a Receipt for the Building on't.
Mil. Well, if this is London, then give me my country cottage; which, although it’s not a big house or a fancy house, is my own house, and I can show a receipt for having it built.
King. I wish all the great Builders in the Kingdom could say as much.
King. I wish all the amazing Builders in the Kingdom could say the same.
Mil. Come, Sir, our Supper, I believe, is ready for us, by this time; and to such as I have, you're as welcome as a Prince.
Mil. Come on, Sir, I think our dinner is ready by now, and you're as welcome as royalty, with whatever I have to offer.
King. I thank you.
King. Thank you.
[Exeunt.
[Exit.
Scene changes to the Wood.
Scene shifts to the Woods.
Enter several Keepers.
Enter multiple Keepers.
1 K. The Report of the Gun was somewhere this Way I'm sure.
1 K. The sound of the gun was definitely around here, I’m sure of it.
2 K. Yes, but I can never believe that any-body would come a Deer stealing so dark a Night as this.
2 K. Yeah, but I can never believe that anyone would come deer stealing on a night as dark as this.
3 K. Where did the Deer harbour to Day?
3 K. Where did the deer rest today?
4 K. There was a Herd lay upon Hamilton-Hill, another just by Robin Hood's Chair, and a third here in Mansfield Wood.
4 K. There was a herd located on Hamilton Hill, another nearby Robin Hood's Chair, and a third one here in Mansfield Wood.
1 K. Ay, those they have been amongst.
1 K. Yeah, those are the ones they have been around.
2 K. But we shall never be able to find 'em to Night, 'tis so dark.
2 K. But we won't be able to find them tonight; it's too dark.
3 K. No, no; let's go back again.
3 K. No, no; let’s go back again.
1 K. Zoons! you're afraid of a broken Head, I suppose, if we should find 'em; and so had rather slink back again. Hark! Stand close. I hear 'em coming this Way.
1 K. Zoons! I guess you're scared of getting hurt if we find them, so you'd rather sneak back. Listen! Stay close. I hear them coming this way.
Enter the Courtiers.
Enter the Court Members.
1 C. Did not you hear some-body just now? Faith I begin to be afraid we shall meet with some Misfortune to Night.
1 C. Didn't you hear someone just now? Honestly, I'm starting to get worried that we're going to encounter some trouble tonight.
2 C. Why, if any-body should take what we have got, we have made a fine Business of it.
2 C. Well, if anyone were to take what we have, we've really done well for ourselves.
3 C. Let 'em take it if they will; I am so tir'd I shall make but small Resistance.
3 C. Let them take it if they want; I'm so tired I won't put up much of a fight.
The Keepers rush upon them.
The Keepers rush at them.
2 K. Ay, Rogues, Rascals, and Villains, you have got it, have you?
2 K. Yeah, Rogues, Rascals, and Villains, you’ve got it, huh?
2 C. Indeed we have got but very little, but what we have you're welcome to, if you will but use us civilly.
2 C. We don’t have much, but you’re welcome to what we do have, as long as you treat us with respect.
1 K. O, yes! very civilly; you deserve to be us'd civilly, to be sure.
1 K. Oh, yes! Very politely; you definitely deserve to be treated politely, for sure.
4 C. Why, what have we done that we may not be civilly us'd?
4 C. Why, what have we done that we can't be treated with respect?
1 K. Come, come, don't trifle, surrender.
1 K. Come on, don't mess around, just give in.
1 C. I have but three Half-Crowns about me.
1 C. I only have three half-crowns on me.
2 C. Here is Three and Six-pence for you, Gentlemen.
2 C. Here is three shillings and six pence for you, gentlemen.
3 C. Here's my Watch; I have no Money at all.
3 C. Here's my watch; I have no money at all.
4 C. Indeed I have nothing in my Pocket but a Snuff-box.
4 C. I really have nothing in my pocket except a snuffbox.
4 K. What, the Dogs want to bribe us, do they? No, Rascals; you shall go before the Justice To-morrow, depend on't.
4 K. What, the Dogs want to bribe us, do they? No, you little rascals; you'll go before the judge tomorrow, count on it.
4 C. Before the Justice! What, for being robb'd?
4 C. In front of the judge! What, just for being robbed?
1 K. For being robb'd! What do you mean? Who has robb'd you?
1 K. For being robbed! What do you mean? Who robbed you?
4 C. Why, did not you just now demand our Money, Gentlemen?
4 C. Why didn't you just ask for our money, gentlemen?
2 K. O, the Rascals! They will swear a Robbery against us, I warrant.
2 K. Oh, the Rascals! I bet they'll accuse us of robbery.
4 C. A Robbery! Ay, to be sure.
A robbery! For sure.
1 K. No, no; We did not demand your Money, we demanded the Deer you have kill'd.
1 K. No, no; We didn't ask for your money; we asked for the deer you killed.
4 C. The Devil take the Deer, I say; he led us a Chace of six Hours, and got away from us at last.
4 C. The Devil take the Deer, I say; it led us on a chase for six hours and got away from us in the end.
1 K. Zoons! ye Dogs, do ye think to banter us? I tell ye you have this Night shot one of the King's Deer; did not we hear the Gun go off? Did not we hear you say, you was afraid it should be taken from you?
1 K. Hey! You guys, do you think you can joke around with us? I'm telling you, you shot one of the King's deer tonight; didn't we hear the gunfire? Didn't we hear you say you were worried it would be taken from you?
2 C. We were afraid our Money should be taken from us.
2 C. We were worried that our money would be taken from us.
1 K. Come, come, no more shuffling: I tell ye, you're all Rogues, and we'll have you hanged, you may depend on't. Come, let's take 'em to old Cockle's, we're not far off, we'll keep 'em there all Night, and To-morrow-morning we'll away with 'em before the Justice.
1 K. Come on, stop shuffling: I’m telling you, you’re all con artists, and we’ll have you hanged, you can count on it. Let’s take them to old Cockle’s, we’re not far from there, we’ll keep them there all night, and tomorrow morning we’ll take them to the Justice.
4 C. A very pretty Adventure.
4 C. A really nice adventure.
[Exeunt.
[Exit.
Scene changes to the Mill.
Scene shifts to the Mill.
King, Miller, Margery, and Dick, at Supper.
King, Miller, Margery, and Dick, at Supper.
Mil. Come, Sir, you must mend a bad Supper with a Glass of good Ale: Here's King Harry's Health.
Mil. Come on, Sir, you need to fix a bad dinner with a glass of good beer: Here's to King Harry's Health.
King. With all my Heart. Come, Richard, here's King Harry's Health; I hope you are Courtier enough to pledge me, are not you?
King. With all my heart. Come on, Richard, here's to King Harry's health; I hope you're enough of a courtier to toast with me, right?
Dick. Yes, yes, Sir, I'll drink the King's Health with all my Heart.
Dick. Absolutely, Sir, I'll raise a toast to the King's health with all my heart.
Mar. Come, Sir, my humble Service to you, and much good may do ye with your poor Supper; I wish it had been better.
Mar. Come, Sir, I offer my humble service to you, and I hope your simple dinner brings you joy; I wish it could have been better.
King. You need make no Apologies.
King. No need to apologize.
Marg. We are oblig'd to your Goodness in excusing our Rudeness.
Marg. We appreciate your kindness in overlooking our rudeness.
Mil. Prithee, Margery, don't trouble the Gentleman with Compliments.
Mil. Please, Margery, don’t bother the gentleman with compliments.
Mar. Lord, Husband, if one had no more Manners than you, the Gentleman would take us all for Hogs.
Mar. Lord, Husband, if you had no more manners than this, people would think we're all pigs.
Dick. Now I think the more Compliments the less Manners.
Dick. Now I think the more compliments there are, the fewer manners people have.
King. I think so too. Compliments in Discourse, I believe, are like Ceremonies in Religion; the one has destroy'd all true Piety, and the other all Sincerity and Plain-dealing.
King. I think so too. Compliments in conversation are like rituals in religion; one has ruined all genuine faith, and the other has destroyed all honesty and straightforwardness.
Mil. Then a Fig for all Ceremony and Compliments too: Give us thy Hand; and let us drink and be merry.
Mil. Then forget all the formalities and polite remarks: Give us your hand; let's drink and celebrate.
King. Right, honest Miller, let us drink and be merry. Come, have you got e'er a good Song?
King. Alright, honest Miller, let’s drink and enjoy ourselves. So, do you have a good song?
Mil. Ah! my singing Days are over, but my Man Joe has got an excellent one; and if you have a Mind to hear it, I'll call him in.
Mil. Ah! my singing days are done, but my man Joe has a great voice; and if you want to hear it, I can bring him in.
King. With all my Heart.
King. With all my love.
Mil. Joe!
Mil. Joe!
Enter Joe.
Join Joe.
Mil. Come, Joe, drink Boy; I have promised this Gentleman that you shall sing him your last new Song.
Mil. Come on, Joe, drink up, boy; I told this gentleman you would sing him your latest song.
Joe. Well, Master, if you have promis'd it him, he shall have it.
Joe. Well, Master, if you've promised him, he'll get it.
SONG.
Track.
I.
I.
How happy a State does the Miller possess?
How happy is the state that the Miller has?
Who wou'd be no greater, nor fears to be less;
Who would not want to be greater, nor is afraid to be lesser;
On his Mill and himself he depends for Support,
He relies on his mill and himself for support,
Which is better than servilely cringing at Court.
Which is better than submissively groveling at Court.
II.
II.
What tho' he all dusty and whiten'd does go,
What if he goes all dusty and covered in white,
The more he's be-powder'd, the more like a Beau;
The more he’s powdering up, the more he looks like a stylish guy;
A Clown in this Dress may be honester far
A clown in this dress may be much more honest
Than a Courtier who struts in his Garter and Star.
Than a courtier who flaunts his Garter and Star.
III.
III.
Tho' his Hands are so dawb'd they're not fit to be seen,
Though his hands are so dirty they're not fit to be seen,
The Hands of his Betters are not very clean;
The hands of those more powerful than him aren't very clean;
A Palm more polite may as dirtily deal;
A palm that is more polite may deal just as dirty;
Gold, in handling, will stick to the Fingers like Meal.
Gold, when you touch it, will cling to your fingers like flour.
IV.
IV.
What if, when a Pudding for Dinner he lacks,
What if he doesn't have a Pudding for Dinner,
He cribs, without Scruple, from other Men's Sacks;
He takes from other people's resources without any guilt;
In this of right noble Examples he brags,
In this collection of truly noble examples, he boasts,
Who borrow as freely from other Men's Bags.
Who borrow as freely from other people's bags.
V.
V.
Or should he endeavour to heap an Estate,
Or should he try to accumulate wealth,
In this he wou'd mimick the Tools of the State;
In this, he would imitate the tools of the state;
Whose Aim is alone their Coffers to fill,
Whose goal is just to fill their wallets,
As all his Concern's to bring Grist to his Mill.
As all his concerns are to bring grain to his mill.
VI.
VI.
He eats when he's hungry, he drinks when he's dry,
He eats when he's hungry, he drinks when he's thirsty,
And down when he's weary contented does lie;
And he lies down contentedly when he's tired;
Then rises up chearful to work and to sing:
Then gets up cheerful to work and to sing:
If so happy a Miller, then who'd be a King.
If a Miller can be that happy, then who would want to be a King?
Mil. There's a Song for you.
Mil. There's a song for you.
King. He should go sing this at Court, I think.
King. I think he should go sing this at the Court.
Dick. I believe, if he's wise, he'll chuse to stay at home tho'.
Dick. I think, if he's smart, he'll choose to stay home though.
Enter Peggy.
Log in Peggy.
Mil. What Wind blew you hither pray? You have a good Share of Impudence, or you would be asham'd to set your Foot within my House, methinks.
Mil. What brought you here, if I may ask? You have a lot of nerve, or you would be embarrassed to step foot in my house, I think.
Peg. Asham'd I am, indeed, but do not call me impudent.
Peg. I’m definitely embarrassed, but don’t call me rude.
[Weeps.
Weeps.
Dick. Dear Father, suspend your Anger for the present; that she is here now is by my Direction, and to do me Justice.
Dick. Dear Father, please hold back your anger for now; the reason she is here is because I asked her to come, and it's to clear my name.
Peg. To do that is all that is now in my Power; for as to myself, I am ruin'd past Redemption: My Character, my Virtue, my Peace, are gone: I am abandon'd by my Friends, despis'd by the World, and expos'd to Misery and Want.
Peg. All I can do now is this; because as for me, I'm beyond saving: my reputation, my integrity, my peace of mind, are all lost: I have been abandoned by my friends, looked down upon by the world, and left to suffer in misery and need.
King. Pray let me know the Story of your Misfortunes; perhaps it may be in my Power to do something towards redressing them.
King. Please tell me the story of your troubles; maybe I can do something to help fix them.
Peg. That you may learn from him that I have wrong'd; but as for me, Shame will not let me speak, or hear it told.
Peg. You can learn from him that I've been wronged; but as for me, Shame won't let me speak or listen to it being said.
[Exit.
Exit.
King. She's very pretty.
King. She's super cute.
Dick. O Sir, I once thought her an Angel; I lov'd her dearer than my Life, and did believe her Passion was the same for me: But a young Nobleman of this Neighbourhood happening to see her, her Youth and blooming Beauty presently struck his Fancy; a thousand Artifices were immediately employ'd to debauch and ruin her. But all his Arts were vain; not even the Promise of making her his Wife, could prevail upon her: In a little Time he found out her Love to me, and imagining this to be the Cause of her Refusal, he, by forg'd Letters, and feign'd Stories, contriv'd to make her believe I was just upon the Point of Marriage with another Woman. Possess'd with this Opinion, she, in a Rage, writes me Word, never to see her more; and, in Revenge, consented to her own Undoing. Not contented with this, nor easy while I was so near her, he brib'd one of his cast-off Mistresses to swear a Child to me, which she did: This was the Occasion of my leaving my Friends, and flying to London.
Dick. Oh, Sir, I once thought she was an angel; I loved her more than my life, and I believed her feelings for me were just as strong. But then a young nobleman from this area saw her, and her youth and beauty instantly caught his attention; he used countless tricks to seduce and ruin her. But all his efforts were useless; not even the promise of making her his wife could persuade her. Soon, he discovered that she loved me, and thinking this was why she refused him, he forged letters and made up stories to convince her that I was about to marry another woman. Believing this, she angrily wrote to tell me never to see her again, and in her rage, agreed to her own downfall. Not satisfied with that, and restless while I was still close to her, he bribed one of his former mistresses to falsely claim I was the father of her child, which she did. This led to my leaving my friends and fleeing to London.
King. And how does she propose to do you Justice?
King. And how does she plan to do you justice?
Dick. Why, the King being now in this Forest a hunting, we design to take some Opportunity of throwing ourselves at his Majesty's Feet, and complaining of the Injustice done us by this Noble Villain.
Dick. Well, with the King hunting in this forest, we plan to seize the chance to throw ourselves at his Majesty's feet and complain about the injustice done to us by this noble villain.
Mil. Ah, Dick! I expect but little Redress from such an Application. Things of this Nature are so common amongst the Great, that I am afraid it will only be made a Jest of.
Mil. Oh, Dick! I don’t expect much help from this kind of request. Issues like this are so typical among the powerful that I’m afraid it will just be turned into a joke.
King. Those that can make a Jest of what ought to be shocking to Humanity, surely deserve not the Name of Great or Noble Men.
King. Those who can make a joke out of what should be shocking to humanity certainly do not deserve to be called great or noble men.
Dick. What do you think of it, Sir? If you belong to the Court, you, perhaps, may know something of the King's Temper.
Dick. What do you think of it, Sir? If you’re part of the Court, you might know something about the King’s mood.
King. Why, if I can judge of his Temper at all, I think he would not suffer the greatest Nobleman in his Court, to do an Injustice to the meanest Subject in his Kingdom. But pray who is the Nobleman that is capable of such Actions as these?
King. If I can gather anything about his character, I believe he wouldn’t allow the highest-ranking noble in his court to treat even the lowest subject in his kingdom unfairly. But seriously, who is this nobleman that is capable of such actions?
Dick. Do you know my Lord Lurewell?
Dick. Do you know my Lord Lurewell?
King. Yes.
King. Yep.
Dick. That's the Man.
Dick. That's the guy.
King. Well, I would have you put your Design in Execution. 'Tis my Opinion the King will not only hear your Complaint, but redress your Injuries.
King. Well, I would like you to carry out your plan. I believe the King will not only listen to your complaint but will also make things right for you.
Mil. I wish it may prove so.
Mil. I hope that turns out to be true.
Enter the Keepers, leading in the Courtiers.
Join the Keepers, guiding the Courtiers.
1 K. Hola! Cockle! Where are ye? Why, Man, we have nabb'd a Pack of Rogues here just in the Fact.
1 K. Hey! Cockle! Where are you? Man, we’ve caught a bunch of crooks here right in the act.
King. Ha, ha, ha! What, turn'd Highwaymen, my Lords? or Deer-stealers?
King. Ha, ha, ha! What, have you become highway robbers, my Lords? Or poachers?
1 C. I am very glad to find your Majesty in Health and Safety.
1 C. I'm really glad to see you, Your Majesty, healthy and safe.
2 C. We have run thro' a great many Perils and Dangers to Night, but the Joy of finding your Majesty so unexpectedly, will make us forget all we have suffer'd.
2 C. We've been through a lot of dangers and risks tonight, but the joy of finding you, Your Majesty, so unexpectedly will make us forget everything we've endured.
Mil. and Dick. What! is this the King?
Mil. and Dick. What! Is this the King?
King. I am very glad to see you, my Lords, I confess; and particularly you, my Lord Lurewell.
King. I’m really happy to see you, my Lords, I must say; especially you, my Lord Lurewell.
Lure. Your Majesty does me Honour.
Lure. Your Majesty honors me.
King. Yes, my Lord, and I will do you Justice too; your Honour has been highly wrong'd by this young Man.
King. Yes, my Lord, and I will make sure you get the justice you deserve; this young man has wronged you greatly.
Lure. Wrong'd, my Liege!
Attract. Wronged, my Liege!
King. I hope so, my Lord; for I wou'd fain believe you can't be guilty of Baseness and Treachery.
King. I hope so, my Lord; because I'd really like to believe you can't be guilty of being base and treacherous.
Lure. I hope your Majesty will never find me so. What dares this Villain say?
Lure. I hope Your Majesty never sees me that way. What does this villain dare to say?
Dick. I am not to be frighted, my Lord. I dare speak Truth at any Time.
Dick. I'm not scared, my Lord. I can speak the truth anytime.
Lure. Whatever stains my Honour must be false.
Lure. Anything that tarnishes my honor must be a lie.
King. I know it must, my Lord; yet has this Man, not knowing who I was, presum'd to charge your Lordship, not only with great Injustice to himself; but also with ruining an innocent Virgin whom he lov'd, and who was to have been his Wife; which, if true, were base and treacherous; but I know 'tis false, and therefore leave it to your Lordship to say what Punishment I shall inflict upon him, for the Injury done to your Honour.
King. I understand it must be, my Lord; however, this man, not knowing who I am, has dared to accuse you, not only of great injustice to himself but also of ruining an innocent woman he loved and was supposed to marry. If this were true, it would be cowardly and treacherous; but I know it’s false, so I leave it to you, my Lord, to decide what punishment I should impose on him for the harm done to your honor.
Lure. I thank your Majesty. I will not be severe; he shall only ask my Pardon, and To-morrow Morning be oblig'd to marry the Creature he has traduc'd me with.
Lure. Thank you, Your Majesty. I won’t be harsh; he just needs to apologize, and tomorrow morning he will have to marry the person he has slandered me with.
King. This is mild. Well, you hear your Sentence.
King. This is soft. Well, you hear your sentence.
Dick. May I not have Leave to speak before your Majesty?
Dick. May I have permission to speak before you, Your Majesty?
King. What can'st thou say?
King. What can you say?
Dick. If I had your Majesty's Permission, I believe I have certain Witnesses, which will undeniably prove the Truth of all I have accus'd his Lordship of.
Dick. If I have your Majesty's permission, I believe I have some witnesses who can definitely prove everything I’ve accused his Lordship of.
King. Produce them.
King. Create them.
Dick. Peggy!
Dick. Peggy!
Enter Peggy.
Log in Peggy.
King. Do you know this Woman, my Lord?
King. Do you know this woman, my Lord?
Lure. I know her, please your Majesty, by Sight, she is a Tenant's Daughter.
Lure. I recognize her, please Your Majesty, by sight; she is the daughter of a tenant.
Peg. [Aside.] Majesty! What, is this the King?
Peg. [Aside.] Your Majesty! Wait, is this the King?
Dick. Yes.
Richard. Yes.
King. Have you no particular Acquaintance with her?
King. Don't you know her well?
Lure. Hum——I have not seen her these several Months.
Lure. Hmm—it's been several months since I've seen her.
Dick. True, my Lord; and that is part of your Accusation; for, I believe, I have some Letters which will prove your Lordship once had a more particular Acquaintance with her. Here is one of the first his Lordship wrote to her, full of the tenderest and most solemn Protestations of Love and Constancy; here is another which will inform your Majesty of the Pains he took to ruin her; there is an absolute Promise of Marriage before he could accomplish it.
Dick. That's true, my Lord; and that's part of your accusation. I believe I have some letters that will show your Lordship once had a closer relationship with her. Here’s one of the first letters he wrote to her, filled with the most heartfelt and serious declarations of love and loyalty; here’s another that will tell your Majesty about the efforts he made to destroy her; there’s a definite promise of marriage before he could carry it out.
King. What say you, my Lord, are these your Hand?
King. What do you say, my Lord, are these your hands?
Lure. I believe, please your Majesty, I might have had a little Affair of Gallantry with the Girl some Time ago.
Lure. I think, if it pleases your Majesty, I might have had a brief romantic encounter with the girl some time ago.
King. It was a little Affair, my Lord; a mean Affair; and what you call Gallantry, I call Infamy. Do you think, my Lord, that Greatness gives a Sanction to Wickedness? Or that it is the Prerogative of Lords to be unjust and inhumane? You remember the Sentence which yourself pronounc'd upon this innocent Man; you cannot think it hard that it should pass on you who are guilty.
King. It was a small affair, my Lord; a shameful affair; and what you refer to as gallantry, I view as infamy. Do you really believe, my Lord, that greatness justifies wrongdoing? Or that it's a privilege of lords to be unfair and cruel? You remember the sentence you passed on this innocent man; you can’t find it unfair that it should apply to you since you are guilty.
Lure. I hope your Majesty will consider my Rank, and not oblige me to marry her.
Lure. I hope your Majesty will take my status into account and not force me to marry her.
King. Your Rank! my Lord. Greatness that stoops to Actions base and low, deserts its Rank, and pulls its Honours down. What makes your Lordship Great? Is it your gilded Equipage and Dress? Then put it on your meanest Slave, and he's as great as you. Is it your Riches or Estate? The Villian that should plunder you of all, would then be great as you. No, my Lord, he that acts greatly, is the true Great Man. I therefore think you ought, in Justice, to marry her you thus have wrong'd.
King. Your rank, my lord. Greatness that sinks to base and lowly actions loses its status and brings its honors down. What makes you great, my lord? Is it your fancy carriage and clothes? Then put them on your lowest servant, and he’s as great as you. Is it your wealth or property? The villain who robs you of everything would then be as great as you. No, my lord, the one who acts nobly is the true great man. Therefore, I believe you should, in fairness, marry the woman you have wronged.
Peg. Let my Tears thank your Majesty. But, alas! I am afraid to marry this young Lord; that would only give him Power to use me worse, and still encrease my Misery: I therefore beg your Majesty will not command him to do it.
Peg. Let my tears thank your Majesty. But, unfortunately! I’m scared to marry this young lord; that would just give him the power to treat me even worse and increase my misery. So, I kindly ask your Majesty not to order him to do it.
King. Rise then, and hear me. My Lord, you see how low the greatest Nobleman may be reduced by ungenerous Actions. Here is, under your own Hand, an absolute Promise of Marriage to this young Woman, which, from a thorough Knowledge of your Unworthiness, she has prudently refus'd to make you fulfil. I shall therefore not insist upon it; but I command you, upon Pain of my Displeasure, immediately to settle on her Five hundred Pounds a Year.
King. So get up and listen to me. My Lord, you see how low even the greatest Nobleman can fall due to selfish actions. Here is, in your own writing, a clear promise of marriage to this young woman, which, knowing you well, she has wisely refused you to fulfill. Therefore, I won’t press the matter; instead, I order you, under threat of my displeasure, to give her an income of five hundred pounds a year right away.
Peg. May Heaven reward your Majesty's Goodness. 'Tis too much for me, but if your Majesty thinks fit, let it be settled upon this much-injured Man, to make some Satisfaction for the Wrongs which have been done him. As to myself, I only sought to clear the Innocence of him I lov'd and wrong'd, then hide me from the World, and die forgiven.
Peg. May Heaven reward your Majesty's kindness. It's more than I deserve, but if your Majesty sees fit, let it be granted to this much-wronged man to provide some compensation for the injustices he's faced. As for me, I only aimed to prove the innocence of the one I loved and wronged, then disappear from the world and die at peace.
Dick. This Act of generous Virtue cancels all past Failings; come to my Arms, and be as dear as ever.
Dick. This act of kindness wipes away all past mistakes; come into my arms, and let’s be as close as we’ve always been.
Peg. You cannot sure forgive me!
Peg. You can't really forgive me!
Dick. I can, I do, and still will make you mine.
Dick. I can, I will, and I still will make you mine.
Peg. O! why did I ever wrong such generous Love!
Peg. Oh! Why did I ever hurt such generous Love!
Dick. Talk no more of it. Here let us kneel, and thank the Goodness which has made us blest.
Dick. Let's not talk about it anymore. Instead, let's kneel here and thank the goodness that has blessed us.
King. May you be happy.
King. Wishing you happiness.
Mil. [Kneels.] After I have seen so much of your Majesty's Goodness, I cannot despair of Pardon, even for the rough Usage your Majesty receiv'd from me.
Mil. [Kneels.] After witnessing so much of your Majesty's kindness, I can’t give up hope for forgiveness, even for the harsh treatment I directed towards you.
[The King draws his Sword, the Miller is frighted, and rises up, thinking he was going to kill him.
The King pulls out his sword, the Miller gets scared and stands up, thinking he’s going to be killed.
What have I done that I should lose my Life?
What have I done that I should lose my life?
King. Kneel without Fear. No, my good Host, so far are you from having any thing to pardon, that I am much your Debtor. I cannot think but so good and honest a Man will make a worthy and honourable Knight, so rise up, Sir John Cockle: And, to support your State, and in some sort requite the Pleasure you have done us, a Thousand Marks a Year shall be your Revenue.
King. Kneel without fear. No, my good host, you have nothing to be forgiven for; rather, I owe you a great deal. I can’t imagine that such a good and honest person won’t make a worthy and honorable knight, so stand up, Sir John Cockle: And, to support your station and somewhat repay the pleasure you've given us, your income will be a thousand marks a year.
Mil. Your Majesty's Bounty I receive with Thankfulness; I have been guilty of no Meanness to obtain it, and hope I shall not be obliged to keep it upon base Conditions; for tho' I am willing to be a faithful Subject, I am resolv'd to be a free and an honest Man.
Mil. I sincerely appreciate Your Majesty's generosity; I haven't done anything underhanded to deserve it, and I hope I won't have to keep it under dishonorable terms; because while I'm eager to be a loyal subject, I’m determined to remain a free and honest man.
King. I rely upon your being so: And to gain the Friendship of such a one, I shall always think an Addition to my Happiness, tho' a King.
King. I count on you being that way: And having the friendship of someone like you will always add to my happiness, even if you are a king.
Worth, in whatever State, is sure a Prize
Worth, no matter the circumstances, is definitely valuable.
Which Kings, of all Men, ought not to despise;
Which Kings, of all people, should not look down on;
By selfish Sycophants so close besieg'd,
By selfish sycophants so closely surrounded,
'Tis by meer Chance a worthy Man's oblig'd:
'Tis by mere chance a worthy man's obliged:
But hence, to every Courtier be it known,
But from this point on, let it be known to every Courtier,
Virtue shall find Protection from the Throne.
Virtue will find protection from the throne.
FINIS.
THE END.
Footnotes
References
1 Here her Maid enters and delivers a Box, from which the Lady pulls out a dead Dog, kissing it, and weeping. Lucy too pretends great Sorrow, but turning aside bursts out a Laughing, and cries, "She little thinks I poison'd it."
1 Here her maid walks in and hands her a box, from which the lady takes out a dead dog, kissing it and crying. Lucy also pretends to be very sad, but then turns away and bursts out laughing, saying, "She has no idea I poisoned it."
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