This is a modern-English version of Pierre and Jean, originally written by Maupassant, Guy de.
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and grammar—to ensure clarity for contemporary readers, while preserving the original spirit and nuance. If
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Pierre & Jean
by Guy de Maupassant
Translated by Clara Bell
Contents
CHAPTER I |
CHAPTER II |
CHAPTER III |
CHAPTER IV |
CHAPTER V |
CHAPTER VI |
CHAPTER VII |
CHAPTER VIII |
CHAPTER IX |
CHAPTER I
“Tschah!” exclaimed old Roland suddenly, after he had remained motionless for a quarter of an hour, his eyes fixed on the water, while now and again he very slightly lifted his line sunk in the sea.
“Tschah!” old Roland suddenly exclaimed after he had stayed still for fifteen minutes, his eyes locked on the water, occasionally lifting his fishing line just a little from the sea.
Mme. Roland, dozing in the stern by the side of Mme. Rosémilly, who had been invited to join the fishing-party, woke up, and turning her head to look at her husband, said:
Mme. Roland, dozing at the back next to Mme. Rosémilly, who had been invited to join the fishing trip, woke up and turned her head to look at her husband, saying:
“Well, well! Gérome.”
“Well, well! Gérome.”
And the old fellow replied in a fury:
And the old man responded angrily:
“They do not bite at all. I have taken nothing since noon. Only men should ever go fishing. Women always delay the start till it is too late.”
“They don’t bite at all. I haven’t caught anything since noon. Only men should go fishing. Women always hold things up until it’s too late.”
His two sons, Pierre and Jean, who each held a line twisted round his forefinger, one to port and one to starboard, both began to laugh, and Jean remarked:
His two sons, Pierre and Jean, each holding a line wrapped around his index finger, one towards the left and one towards the right, both started to laugh, and Jean said:
“You are not very polite to our guest, father.”
“You're not being very polite to our guest, Dad.”
M. Roland was abashed, and apologized.
M. Roland felt embarrassed and apologized.
“I beg your pardon, Mme. Rosémilly, but that is just like me. I invite ladies because I like to be with them, and then, as soon as I feel the water beneath me, I think of nothing but the fish.”
“I’m sorry, Mme. Rosémilly, but that’s just how I am. I invite women over because I enjoy their company, and then, as soon as I feel comfortable, all I can think about is fishing.”
Mme. Roland was now quite awake, and gazing with a softened look at the wide horizon of cliff and sea.
Mme. Roland was now fully awake, staring with a gentle gaze at the vast horizon of cliffs and sea.
“You have had good sport, all the same,” she murmured.
"You've still had a good time," she said softly.
But her husband shook his head in denial, though at the same time he glanced complacently at the basket where the fish caught by the three men were still breathing spasmodically, with a low rustle of clammy scales and struggling fins, and dull, ineffectual efforts, gasping in the fatal air. Old Roland took the basket between his knees and tilted it up, making the silver heap of creatures slide to the edge that he might see those lying at the bottom, and their death-throes became more convulsive, while the strong smell of their bodies, a wholesome reek of brine, came up from the full depths of the creel. The old fisherman sniffed it eagerly, as we smell at roses, and exclaimed:
But her husband shook his head, denying it, while at the same time he looked contentedly at the basket where the fish caught by the three men were still gasping for breath, with a soft rustle of damp scales and struggling fins, making weak, futile efforts to survive in the deadly air. Old Roland took the basket between his knees and tilted it up, letting the silver pile of creatures slide to the edge so he could see those lying at the bottom, and their final convulsions became more intense, while the strong smell of their bodies, a rich scent of saltwater, rose from the depths of the creel. The old fisherman breathed it in eagerly, like we would smell roses, and exclaimed:
“Cristi! But they are fresh enough!” and he went on: “How many did you pull out, doctor?”
“Cristi! But they’re fresh enough!” he continued. “How many did you pull out, doctor?”
His eldest son, Pierre, a man of thirty, with black whiskers trimmed square like a lawyer’s, his mustache and beard shaved away, replied:
His oldest son, Pierre, a thirty-year-old man with black whiskers cut straight like a lawyer's, his mustache and beard shaved off, replied:
“Oh, not many; three or four.”
“Oh, not many; three or four.”
The father turned to the younger. “And you, Jean?” said he.
The father turned to the younger one. “And you, Jean?” he asked.
Jean, a tall fellow, much younger than his brother, fair, with a full beard, smiled and murmured:
Jean, a tall guy, much younger than his brother, fair-skinned with a full beard, smiled and said:
“Much the same as Pierre—four or five.”
“Just like Pierre—four or five.”
Every time they told the same fib, which delighted father Roland. He had hitched his line round a row-lock, and folding his arms he announced:
Every time they told the same lie, which made father Roland happy. He had tied his line around a row-lock, and with his arms crossed, he declared:
“I will never again try to fish after noon. After ten in the morning it is all over. The lazy brutes will not bite; they are taking their siesta in the sun.” And he looked round at the sea on all sides, with the satisfied air of a proprietor.
“I will never try to fish after noon again. After ten in the morning, it’s all over. Those lazy fish won’t bite; they’re just napping in the sun.” And he looked around at the sea on all sides, with the satisfied demeanor of a owner.
He was a retired jeweller who had been led by an inordinate love of seafaring and fishing to fly from the shop as soon as he had made enough money to live in modest comfort on the interest of his savings. He retired to le Havre, bought a boat, and became an amateur skipper. His two sons, Pierre and Jean, had remained at Paris to continue their studies, and came for the holidays from time to time to share their father’s amusements.
He was a retired jeweler who, driven by a passion for the sea and fishing, left the shop as soon as he had earned enough money to live comfortably on the interest from his savings. He moved to Le Havre, bought a boat, and became a part-time skipper. His two sons, Pierre and Jean, stayed in Paris to continue their studies and would come home during the holidays to join their father in his activities.
On leaving school, Pierre, the elder, five years older than Jean, had felt a vocation to various professions and had tried half a dozen in succession, but, soon disgusted with each in turn, he started afresh with new hopes. Medicine had been his last fancy, and he had set to work with so much ardour that he had just qualified after an unusually short course of study, by a special remission of time from the minister. He was enthusiastic, intelligent, fickle, but obstinate, full of Utopias and philosophical notions.
On finishing school, Pierre, the older brother, who was five years ahead of Jean, felt drawn to different careers and tried out several in a row. However, he quickly became disillusioned with each one and started over with new aspirations. Medicine had been his latest interest, and he dove into it with such enthusiasm that he qualified in record time thanks to a special time reduction granted by the minister. He was passionate, smart, changeable, yet stubborn, filled with idealistic visions and philosophical ideas.
Jean, who was as fair as his brother was dark, as deliberate as his brother was vehement, as gentle as his brother was unforgiving, had quietly gone through his studies for the law and had just taken his diploma as a licentiate, at the time when Pierre had taken his in medicine. So they were now having a little rest at home, and both looked forward to settling in Havre if they could find a satisfactory opening.
Jean, who was as light-skinned as his brother was dark, as thoughtful as his brother was passionate, and as kind as his brother was harsh, had quietly completed his law studies and had just received his diploma as a licensed attorney, at the same time Pierre had graduated in medicine. So they were now taking a short break at home, and both were looking forward to moving to Havre if they could find a good opportunity.
But a vague jealousy, one of those dormant jealousies which grow up between brothers or sisters and slowly ripen till they burst, on the occasion of a marriage perhaps, or of some good fortune happening to one of them, kept them on the alert in a sort of brotherly and non-aggressive animosity. They were fond of each other, it is true, but they watched each other. Pierre, five years old when Jean was born, had looked with the eyes of a little petted animal at that other little animal which had suddenly come to lie in his father’s and mother’s arms and to be loved and fondled by them. Jean, from his birth, had always been a pattern of sweetness, gentleness, and good temper, and Pierre had by degrees begun to chafe at ever-lastingly hearing the praises of this great lad, whose sweetness in his eyes was indolence, whose gentleness was stupidity, and whose kindliness was blindness. His parents, whose dream for their sons was some respectable and undistinguished calling, blamed him for so often changing his mind, for his fits of enthusiasm, his abortive beginnings, and all his ineffectual impulses towards generous ideas and the liberal professions.
But a vague jealousy, one of those dormant feelings that can grow between brothers or sisters and slowly build up until it explodes—perhaps during a marriage or when some good fortune happens to one of them—kept them on their toes in a sort of brotherly, non-aggressive rivalry. They cared for each other, it's true, but they still kept an eye on one another. Pierre, who was five years old when Jean was born, looked at that new little sibling like a pampered pet might regard another pet that suddenly found its way into his parents' arms to be loved and cuddled. Jean, from the moment he was born, had always been a model of sweetness, gentleness, and good nature, and Pierre gradually started to feel frustrated by the constant stream of praise for this golden boy, whose sweetness in Pierre's eyes was just laziness, whose gentleness was merely foolishness, and whose kindness was blindness. Their parents, who dreamed of a respectable and unremarkable career for their sons, blamed Pierre for so frequently changing his mind, for his bursts of enthusiasm, his failed attempts, and all his unproductive yearnings toward generous ideas and more liberal professions.
Since he had grown to manhood they no longer said in so many words: “Look at Jean and follow his example,” but every time he heard them say “Jean did this—Jean does that,” he understood their meaning and the hint the words conveyed.
Since he became an adult, they no longer explicitly said, “Look at Jean and follow his example,” but every time he heard them say, “Jean did this—Jean does that,” he understood what they meant and the suggestion behind their words.
Their mother, an orderly person, a thrifty and rather sentimental woman of the middle class, with the soul of a soft-hearted book-keeper, was constantly quenching the little rivalries between her two big sons to which the petty events of their life constantly gave rise. Another little circumstance, too, just now disturbed her peace of mind, and she was in fear of some complications; for in the course of the winter, while her boys were finishing their studies, each in his own line, she had made the acquaintance of a neighbour, Mme. Rosémilly, the widow of a captain of a merchantman who had died at sea two years before. The young widow—quite young, only three-and-twenty—a woman of strong intellect who knew life by instinct as the free animals do, as though she had seen, gone through, understood, and weighted every conceivable contingency, and judged them with a wholesome, strict, and benevolent mind, had fallen into the habit of calling to work or chat for an hour in the evening with these friendly neighbours, who would give her a cup of tea.
Their mother, an organized, frugal, and somewhat sentimental middle-class woman with the heart of a soft-hearted accountant, was always diffusing the small rivalries between her two grown sons that the little events of their lives often sparked. Another small issue was currently troubling her mind, as she feared some complications; during the winter, while her boys were finishing their studies in their respective fields, she had met a neighbor, Mme. Rosémilly, the widow of a ship captain who had died at sea two years earlier. This young widow—only twenty-three—was a woman of strong intellect who understood life instinctively, like free animals do, as if she had experienced, faced, understood, and assessed every possible situation, judging them with a fair, strict, and kind perspective. She had started to drop by for work or a chat for an hour in the evenings with these friendly neighbors, who would offer her a cup of tea.
Father Roland, always goaded on by his seafaring craze, would question their new friend about the departed captain; and she would talk of him, and his voyages, and his old-world tales, without hesitation, like a resigned and reasonable woman who loves life and respects death.
Father Roland, always driven by his obsession with the sea, would ask their new friend about the late captain; and she would talk about him, his journeys, and his old-fashioned stories without pause, like a calm and rational woman who loves life and respects death.
The two sons on their return, finding the pretty widow quite at home in the house, forthwith began to court her, less from any wish to charm her than from the desire to cut each other out.
The two sons, upon their return, found the attractive widow comfortably settled in the house and immediately started to pursue her, not so much to win her over but out of a desire to outdo each other.
Their mother, being practical and prudent, sincerely hoped that one of them might win the young widow, for she was rich; but then she would have liked that the other should not be grieved.
Their mother, being practical and sensible, genuinely hoped that one of them might win over the young widow, since she was wealthy; but on the other hand, she wished for the other not to be upset.
Mme. Rosémilly was fair, with blue eyes, a mass of light waving hair, fluttering at the least breath of wind, and an alert, daring, pugnacious little way with her, which did not in the least answer to the sober method of her mind.
Mme. Rosémilly was fair, with blue eyes, a mass of light, wavy hair that fluttered at the slightest breeze, and a lively, bold, feisty demeanor that contrasted sharply with her serious, methodical mindset.
She already seemed to like Jean best, attracted, no doubt, by an affinity of nature. This preference, however, she betrayed only by an almost imperceptible difference of voice and look and also by occasionally asking his opinion. She seemed to guess that Jean’s views would support her own, while those of Pierre must inevitably be different. When she spoke of the doctor’s ideas on politics, art, philosophy, or morals, she would sometimes say: “Your crotchets.” Then he would look at her with the cold gleam of an accuser drawing up an indictment against women—all women, poor weak things.
She already seemed to prefer Jean, likely drawn to a shared nature. However, she only showed this preference through a barely noticeable change in her voice and gaze and by occasionally asking for his opinion. She seemed to sense that Jean’s views would align with hers, while Pierre’s would definitely be different. When she talked about the doctor’s ideas on politics, art, philosophy, or morals, she would sometimes say, “Your quirky ideas.” Then he would look at her with the icy glare of someone accusing all women—poor, weak creatures.
Never till his sons came home had M. Roland invited her to join his fishing expeditions, nor had he ever taken his wife; for he liked to put off before daybreak, with his ally, Captain Beausire, a master mariner retired, whom he had first met on the quay at high tides and with whom he had struck up an intimacy, and the old sailor Papagris, known as Jean Bart, in whose charge the boat was left.
Never until his sons came home did M. Roland invite her to join his fishing trips, nor had he ever taken his wife; he preferred to set off before dawn with his companion, Captain Beausire, a retired master mariner he had first met at the quay during high tides and with whom he had developed a friendship, and the old sailor Papagris, nicknamed Jean Bart, who was in charge of the boat.
But one evening of the week before, Mme. Rosémilly, who had been dining with them, remarked, “It must be great fun to go out fishing.” The jeweller, flattered by her interest and suddenly fired with the wish to share his favourite sport with her, and to make a convert after the manner of priests, exclaimed: “Would you like to come?”
But one evening the week before, Mme. Rosémilly, who had been dining with them, said, “It must be so much fun to go fishing.” The jeweler, pleased by her interest and suddenly eager to share his favorite sport with her, like a priest trying to make a convert, exclaimed: “Would you like to come?”
“To be sure I should.”
“I definitely should.”
“Next Tuesday?”
"Next Tuesday?"
“Yes, next Tuesday.”
“Yes, next Tuesday.”
“Are you the woman to be ready to start at five in the morning?”
“Are you the woman who’s ready to start at five in the morning?”
She exclaimed in horror:
She gasped in horror:
“No, indeed: that is too much.”
“No way: that's way too much.”
He was disappointed and chilled, suddenly doubting her true vocation. However, he said:
He felt let down and uneasy, suddenly questioning her real purpose. However, he said:
“At what hour can you be ready?”
“At what time can you be ready?”
“Well—at nine?”
“Well—at 9?”
“Not before?”
“Not yet?”
“No, not before. Even that is very early.”
“No, not before. That’s really early.”
The old fellow hesitated; he certainly would catch nothing, for when the sun has warmed the sea the fish bite no more; but the two brothers had eagerly pressed the scheme, and organized and arranged everything there and then.
The old guy hesitated; he definitely wouldn’t catch anything, since when the sun warms the sea, the fish stop biting; but the two brothers had eagerly pushed the plan and organized everything right then and there.
So on the following Tuesday the Pearl had dropped anchor under the white rocks of Cape la Hève; they had fished till midday, then they had slept awhile, and then fished again without catching anything; and then it was that father Roland, perceiving, rather late, that all that Mme. Rosémilly really enjoyed and cared for was the sail on the sea, and seeing that his lines hung motionless, had uttered in a spirit of unreasonable annoyance, that vehement “Tschah!” which applied as much to the pathetic widow as to the creatures he could not catch.
So on the next Tuesday, the Pearl had dropped anchor under the white rocks of Cape la Hève; they fished until midday, then took a nap for a bit, and then fished again without catching anything. It was then that Father Roland, realizing a bit too late that all Mme. Rosémilly really enjoyed and cared about was sailing on the sea, and seeing that his lines hung still, let out an unreasonable “Tschah!” that was aimed as much at the pathetic widow as at the fish he couldn’t catch.
Now he contemplated the spoil—his fish—with the joyful thrill of a miser; seeing as he looked up at the sky that the sun was getting low: “Well, boys,” said he, “suppose we turn homeward.”
Now he looked at his catch—the fish—with the excited pleasure of a hoarder; noticing as he gazed up at the sky that the sun was setting: “Well, guys,” he said, “how about we head back home.”
The young men hauled in their lines, coiled them up, cleaned the hooks and stuck them into corks, and sat waiting.
The young men pulled in their lines, coiled them up, clean the hooks, stuck them into corks, and sat waiting.
Roland stood up to look out like a captain.
Roland stood up to look out like a captain.
“No wind,” said he. “You will have to pull, young ’uns.”
“No wind,” he said. “You all will have to pull, kids.”
And suddenly extending one arm to the northward, he exclaimed:
And suddenly, he stretched one arm to the north and exclaimed:
“Here comes the packet from Southampton.”
“Here comes the package from Southampton.”
Away over the level sea, spread out like a blue sheet, vast and sheeny and shot with flame and gold, an inky cloud was visible against the rosy sky in the quarter to which he pointed, and below it they could make out the hull of the steamer, which looked tiny at such a distance. And to southward other wreaths of smoke, numbers of them, could be seen, all converging towards the Havre pier, now scarcely visible as a white streak with the lighthouse, upright, like a horn, at the end of it.
Away over the flat sea, spread out like a blue blanket, vast and shiny and flecked with flame and gold, a dark cloud was visible against the pink sky in the direction he pointed, and below it they could see the hull of the steamer, which looked small from such a distance. To the south, other plumes of smoke, many of them, were visible, all converging towards the Havre pier, now barely visible as a white line with the lighthouse standing tall like a horn at the end of it.
Roland asked: “Is not the Normandie due to-day?” And Jean replied:
Roland asked, "Isn't the Normandie arriving today?" And Jean replied:
“Yes, to-day.”
“Yes, today.”
“Give me my glass. I fancy I see her out there.”
“Pass me my glass. I think I see her out there.”
The father pulled out the copper tube, adjusted it to his eye, sought the speck, and then, delighted to have seen it, exclaimed:
The father took out the copper tube, aimed it at his eye, looked for the speck, and then, excited to have spotted it, shouted:
“Yes, yes, there she is. I know her two funnels. Would you like to look, Mme. Rosémilly?”
“Yes, yes, there she is. I recognize her two funnels. Would you like to take a look, Mme. Rosémilly?”
She took the telescope and directed it towards the Atlantic horizon, without being able, however, to find the vessel, for she could distinguish nothing—nothing but blue, with a coloured halo round it, a circular rainbow—and then all manner of queer things, winking eclipses which made her feel sick.
She grabbed the telescope and aimed it at the Atlantic horizon, but she couldn’t spot the ship; all she could see was blue, with a colorful halo around it, like a circular rainbow—and then all sorts of strange things, flickering eclipses that made her feel nauseous.
She said as she returned the glass:
She said as she handed back the glass:
“I never could see with that thing. It used to put my husband in quite a rage; he would stand for hours at the windows watching the ships pass.”
“I could never see with that thing. It used to drive my husband crazy; he would stand for hours at the window watching the ships go by.”
Old Roland, much put out, retorted:
Old Roland, clearly annoyed, shot back:
“Then it must be some defect in your eye, for my glass is a very good one.”
“Then it must be some issue with your eyesight, because my lens is really good.”
Then he offered it to his wife.
Then he gave it to his wife.
“Would you like to look?”
"Do you want to see?"
“No, thank you. I know beforehand that I could not see through it.”
“No, thanks. I already know I wouldn’t be able to see through it.”
Mme. Roland, a woman of eight-and-forty but who did not look it, seemed to be enjoying this excursion and this waning day more than any of the party.
Mme. Roland, a woman in her forties who didn’t look her age, seemed to be enjoying this outing and the fading day more than anyone else in the group.
Her chestnut hair was only just beginning to show streaks of white. She had a calm, reasonable face, a kind and happy way with her which it was a pleasure to see. Her son Pierre was wont to say that she knew the value of money, but this did not hinder her from enjoying the delights of dreaming. She was fond of reading, of novels, and poetry, not for their value as works of art, but for the sake of the tender melancholy mood they would induce in her. A line of poetry, often but a poor one, often a bad one, would touch the little chord, as she expressed it, and give her the sense of some mysterious desire almost realized. And she delighted in these faint emotions which brought a little flutter to her soul, otherwise as strictly kept as a ledger.
Her chestnut hair was just starting to show some gray. She had a calm, sensible face and a warm, cheerful demeanor that was nice to see. Her son Pierre often said that she understood the value of money, but that didn't stop her from enjoying the pleasures of daydreaming. She loved reading novels and poetry, not for their artistic merit, but for the gentle, wistful mood they would evoke in her. A line of poetry, often just an average one or even a bad one, would strike a chord, as she put it, and fill her with a sense of some nearly fulfilled mysterious longing. She cherished these faint feelings that brought a little flutter to her soul, which was otherwise as meticulously organized as a ledger.
Since settling at Havre she had become perceptibly stouter, and her figure, which had been very supple and slight, had grown heavier.
Since moving to Havre, she had noticeably gained weight, and her figure, which used to be very slender and flexible, had become fuller.
This day on the sea had been delightful to her. Her husband, without being brutal, was rough with her, as a man who is the despot of his shop is apt to be rough, without anger or hatred; to such men to give an order is to swear. He controlled himself in the presence of strangers, but in private he let loose and gave himself terrible vent, though he was himself afraid of every one. She, in sheer horror of the turmoil, of scenes, of useless explanations, always gave way and never asked for anything; for a very long time she had not ventured to ask Roland to take her out in the boat. So she had joyfully hailed this opportunity, and was keenly enjoying the rare and new pleasure.
This day on the sea had been wonderful for her. Her husband, while not being cruel, was tough with her, like a boss who is naturally harsh, not out of anger or hatred; for those kinds of men, giving an order feels like a curse. He managed to hold it together around other people, but in private, he let loose and expressed himself fiercely, even though he was scared of everyone. She, overwhelmed by the chaos, the arguments, and pointless explanations, always gave in and never asked for anything; it had been a long time since she dared to ask Roland to take her out in the boat. So she was thrilled to have this chance and was really enjoying the rare and new experience.
From the moment when they started she surrendered herself completely, body and soul, to the soft, gliding motion over the waves. She was not thinking; her mind was not wandering through either memories or hopes; it seemed to her as though her heart, like her body, was floating on something soft and liquid and delicious which rocked and lulled it.
From the moment they began, she fully gave herself, body and soul, to the gentle, smooth movement over the waves. She wasn’t thinking; her mind wasn’t drifting through memories or hopes; it felt like her heart, just like her body, was floating on something soft, fluid, and wonderful that swayed and soothed it.
When their father gave the word to return, “Come, take your places at the oars!” she smiled to see her sons, her two great boys, take off their jackets and roll up their shirt-sleeves on their bare arms.
When their dad said it was time to head back, “Come on, get in your spots at the oars!” she smiled as she watched her sons, her two big boys, take off their jackets and roll up their shirt sleeves on their bare arms.
Pierre, who was nearest to the two women, took the stroke oar, Jean the other, and they sat waiting till the skipper should say: “Give way!” For he insisted on everything being done according to strict rule.
Pierre, who was closest to the two women, took the stroke oar, Jean took the other, and they sat waiting until the skipper said, “Give way!” He insisted that everything be done according to strict rules.
Simultaneously, as if by a single effort, they dipped the oars, and lying back, pulling with all their might, began a struggle to display their strength. They had come out easily, under sail, but the breeze had died away, and the masculine pride of the two brothers was suddenly aroused by the prospect of measuring their powers. When they went out alone with their father they plied the oars without any steering, for Roland would be busy getting the lines ready, while he kept a lookout in the boat’s course, guiding it by a sign or a word: “Easy, Jean, and you, Pierre, put your back into it.” Or he would say, “Now, then, number one; come, number two—a little elbow grease.” Then the one who had been dreaming pulled harder, the one who had got excited eased down, and the boat’s head came round.
At the same time, as if working together, they dipped the oars, leaned back, and with all their strength, started a contest to show off their power. They had set out easily under sail, but now the wind had died, and the two brothers' pride was suddenly sparked by the chance to test their abilities. When they went out alone with their dad, they rowed without any steering because Roland was busy getting the lines ready while also keeping an eye on the boat’s path, guiding it with a gesture or a word: “Easy, Jean, and you, Pierre, give it your all.” Or he would say, “Alright, number one; come on, number two—put some effort into it.” Then the one who had been daydreaming rowed harder, while the one who got pumped up eased off, and the boat changed direction.
But to-day they meant to display their biceps. Pierre’s arms were hairy, somewhat lean but sinewy; Jean’s were round and white and rosy, and the knot of muscles moved under the skin.
But today they intended to show off their biceps. Pierre’s arms were hairy, a bit lean but muscular; Jean’s were round, pale, and rosy, with the knots of muscle shifting under the skin.
At first Pierre had the advantage. With his teeth set, his brow knit, his legs rigid, his hands clinched on the oar, he made it bend from end to end at every stroke, and the Pearl was veering landward. Father Roland, sitting in the bows, so as to leave the stern seat to the two women, wasted his breath shouting, “Easy, number one; pull harder, number two!” Pierre pulled harder in his frenzy, and “number two” could not keep time with his wild stroke.
At first, Pierre had the upper hand. With his teeth gritted, his brow furrowed, his legs stiff, and his hands tight on the oar, he made it bend from one end to the other with every stroke, causing the Pearl to drift toward the shore. Father Roland, sitting in the front to leave the back seat open for the two women, wasted his breath yelling, “Easy, number one; pull harder, number two!” Pierre pulled harder in his frenzy, and “number two” couldn’t match his frantic pace.
At last the skipper cried: “Stop her!” The two oars were lifted simultaneously, and then by his father’s orders Jean pulled alone for a few minutes. But from that moment he had it all his own way; he grew eager and warmed to his work, while Pierre, out of breath and exhausted by his first vigorous spurt, was lax and panting. Four times running father Roland made them stop while the elder took breath, so as to get the boat into her right course again. Then the doctor, humiliated and fuming, his forehead dropping with sweat, his cheeks white, stammered out:
At last, the captain shouted, “Stop!” Both oars were lifted at the same time, and then, following his father’s orders, Jean paddled alone for a few minutes. But after that, he had it all under control; he became eager and got into the rhythm of his work, while Pierre, out of breath and worn out from his initial burst of effort, was slow and panting. Four times in a row, Father Roland had them stop so the older one could catch his breath and get the boat back on track. Then the doctor, feeling embarrassed and angry, his forehead dripping with sweat and his cheeks pale, stammered:
“I cannot think what has come over me; I have a stitch in my side. I started very well, but it has pulled me up.”
“I can’t figure out what’s wrong with me; I have a sharp pain in my side. I started off really strong, but now it’s held me back.”
Jean asked: “Shall I pull alone with both oars for a time?”
Jean asked, “Should I row by myself with both oars for a while?”
“No, thanks, it will go off.”
“No, thanks, it will go bad.”
And their mother, somewhat vexed, said:
And their mom, a bit annoyed, said:
“Why, Pierre, what rhyme or reason is there in getting into such a state. You are not a child.”
“Why, Pierre, what sense is there in getting worked up like that? You’re not a kid.”
And he shrugged his shoulders and set to once more.
And he shrugged his shoulders and got back to it.
Mme. Rosémilly pretended not to see, not to understand, not to hear. Her fair head went back with an engaging little jerk every time the boat moved forward, making the fine wayward hairs flutter about her temples.
Mme. Rosémilly acted like she didn't see, didn't understand, and didn't hear. Her light hair would tilt back with a charming little jerk every time the boat moved forward, causing the delicate stray hairs to dance around her temples.
But father Roland presently called out:
But Father Roland soon called out:
“Look, the Prince Albert is catching us up!”
“Look, the Prince Albert is catching up to us!”
They all looked round. Long and low in the water, with her two raking funnels and two yellow paddle-boxes like two round cheeks, the Southampton packet came ploughing on at full steam, crowded with passengers under open parasols. Its hurrying, noisy paddle-wheels beating up the water which fell again in foam, gave it an appearance of haste as of a courier pressed for time, and the upright stem cut through the water, throwing up two thin translucent waves which glided off along the hull.
They all turned to look. Long and low in the water, with her two tall funnels and two yellow paddle-boxes like round cheeks, the Southampton packet came churning along at full speed, packed with passengers under open umbrellas. Its fast, noisy paddle-wheels stirred up the water, sending it back down in foam, giving it a sense of urgency like a courier in a rush, and the straight bow sliced through the water, creating two thin, translucent waves that flowed along the side of the boat.
When it had come quite near the Pearl, father Roland lifted his hat, the ladies shook their handkerchiefs, and half a dozen parasols eagerly waved on board the steamboat responded to this salute as she went on her way, leaving behind her a few broad undulations on the still and glassy surface of the sea.
When it got close to the Pearl, Father Roland took off his hat, the ladies waved their handkerchiefs, and several parasols excitedly waved from the steamboat in reply to the greeting as it continued on its path, leaving behind some ripples on the calm, mirror-like surface of the sea.
There were other vessels, each with its smoky cap, coming in from every part of the horizon towards the short white jetty, which swallowed them up, one after another, like a mouth. And the fishing barks and lighter craft with broad sails and slender masts, stealing across the sky in tow of inconspicuous tugs, were coming in, faster and slower, towards the devouring ogre, who from time to time seemed to have had a surfeit, and spewed out to the open sea another fleet of steamers, brigs, schooners, and three-masted vessels with their tangled mass of rigging. The hurrying steamships flew off to the right and left over the smooth bosom of the ocean, while sailing vessels, cast off by the pilot-tugs which had hauled them out, lay motionless, dressing themselves from the main-mast to the fore-tops in canvas, white or brown, and ruddy in the setting sun.
There were other ships, each with its smoky plume, coming in from every direction on the horizon towards the short white dock, which swallowed them up one after another like a mouth. The fishing boats and lighter craft with broad sails and slender masts, being towed by inconspicuous tugs, were arriving, some quickly and others slowly, towards the hungry dock, which from time to time seemed to have had its fill and spat out into the open sea another fleet of steamers, brigs, schooners, and three-masted vessels with their tangled mess of rigging. The rushing steamships sped off to the right and left over the smooth surface of the ocean, while sailing vessels, released by the pilot tugs that had pulled them out, lay still, getting dressed from the main mast to the fore-top in canvas, white or brown, glowing in the setting sun.
Mme. Roland, with her eyes half-shut, murmured: “Good heavens, how beautiful the sea is!”
Mme. Roland, with her eyes half-closed, murmured: “Goodness, how beautiful the sea is!”
And Mme. Rosémilly replied with a long sigh, which, however, had no sadness in it:
And Mme. Rosémilly responded with a long sigh, but there was no sadness in it:
“Yes, but it is sometimes very cruel, all the same.”
“Yes, but it can be really cruel, nonetheless.”
Roland exclaimed:
Roland said:
“Look, there is the Normandie just going in. A big ship, isn’t she?”
“Look, there’s the Normandie coming in. That’s a big ship, isn’t it?”
Then he described the coast opposite, far, far away, on the other side of the mouth of the Seine—that mouth extended over twenty kilometres, said he. He pointed out Villerville, Trouville, Houlgate, Luc, Arromanches, the little river of Caen, and the rocks of Calvados which make the coast unsafe as far as Cherbourg. Then he enlarged on the question of the sand-banks in the Seine, which shift at every tide so that even the pilots of Quillebœuf are at fault if they do not survey the channel every day. He bid them notice how the town of Havre divided Upper from Lower Normandy. In Lower Normandy the shore sloped down to the sea in pasture-lands, fields, and meadows. The coast of Upper Normandy, on the contrary, was steep, a high cliff, ravined, cleft and towering, forming an immense white rampart all the way to Dunkirk, while in each hollow a village or a port lay hidden: Étretat, Fécamp, Saint-Valery, Tréport, Dieppe, and the rest.
Then he talked about the coast across the way, far, far away, on the other side of the Seine's mouth—that mouth stretched over twenty kilometers, he said. He pointed out Villerville, Trouville, Houlgate, Luc, Arromanches, the little river of Caen, and the dangerous rocks of Calvados extending all the way to Cherbourg. He elaborated on the issue of the shifting sandbanks in the Seine, which change with every tide, so even the pilots of Quillebœuf can be mistaken if they don’t check the channel every day. He asked them to notice how the town of Havre separates Upper from Lower Normandy. In Lower Normandy, the shore gently sloped down to the sea with pastures, fields, and meadows. In contrast, the coast of Upper Normandy was steep, featuring high cliffs, ravines, and towering formations, creating a massive white barrier all the way to Dunkirk, with a village or port hidden in each hollow: Étretat, Fécamp, Saint-Valery, Tréport, Dieppe, and more.
The two women did not listen. Torpid with comfort and impressed by the sight of the ocean covered with vessels rushing to and fro like wild beasts about their den, they sat speechless, somewhat awed by the soothing and gorgeous sunset. Roland alone talked on without end; he was one of those whom nothing can disturb. Women, whose nerves are more sensitive, sometimes feel, without knowing why, that the sound of useless speech is as irritating as an insult.
The two women didn’t pay attention. Sluggish with comfort and captivated by the sight of the ocean filled with boats moving back and forth like wild animals around their den, they sat in silence, a bit awed by the calming and beautiful sunset. Roland was the only one who kept talking endlessly; he was one of those people who can’t be disturbed by anything. Women, whose nerves are more sensitive, sometimes sense, without knowing exactly why, that the sound of pointless chatter can be as annoying as an insult.
Pierre and Jean, who had calmed down, were rowing slowly, and the Pearl was making for the harbour, a tiny thing among those huge vessels.
Pierre and Jean, feeling calmer now, were rowing slowly, and the Pearl was heading for the harbor, a small thing among those massive ships.
When they came alongside of the quay, Papagris, who was waiting there, gave his hand to the ladies to help them out, and they took the way into the town. A large crowd, the crowd which haunts the pier every day at high tide—was also drifting homeward. Mme. Roland and Mme. Rosémilly led the way, followed by the three men. As they went up the Rue de Paris they stopped now and then in front of a milliner’s or a jeweller’s shop, to look at a bonnet or an ornament; then after making their comments they went on again. In front of the Place de la Bourse Roland paused, as he did every day, to gaze at the docks full of vessels—the Bassin du Commerce, with other docks beyond, where the huge hulls lay side by side, closely packed in rows, four or five deep. And masts innumerable; along several kilometres of quays the endless masts, with their yards, poles, and rigging, gave this great gap in the heart of the town the look of a dead forest. Above this leafless forest the gulls were wheeling, and watching to pounce, like a falling stone, on any scraps flung overboard; a sailor boy, fixing a pulley to a cross-beam, looked as if he had gone up there bird’s-nesting.
When they reached the quay, Papagris, who was waiting there, offered his hand to the ladies to help them out, and they headed into town. A large crowd, the kind that gathers at the pier every day during high tide, was also making its way home. Mme. Roland and Mme. Rosémilly took the lead, followed by the three men. As they walked up Rue de Paris, they stopped now and then in front of a milliner’s or a jeweler’s shop to look at a hat or a piece of jewelry; after commenting on them, they moved on. In front of Place de la Bourse, Roland paused, as he did every day, to look at the docks filled with ships—the Bassin du Commerce, with other docks beyond, where the huge hulls were lined up side by side, closely packed in rows, four or five deep. There were countless masts; along several kilometers of quays, the endless masts, with their yards, poles, and rigging, gave this great open space in the heart of the town the appearance of a dead forest. Above this leafless forest, the gulls circled, ready to swoop down, like falling stones, on any scraps tossed overboard; a sailor boy, attaching a pulley to a cross-beam, looked like he had climbed up there to go bird’s-nesting.
“Will you dine with us without any sort of ceremony, just that we may end the day together?” said Mme. Roland to her friend.
“Will you have dinner with us informally, just so we can end the day together?” said Mme. Roland to her friend.
“To be sure I will, with pleasure; I accept equally without ceremony. It would be dismal to go home and be alone this evening.”
"Of course I will, with pleasure; I accept without any fuss. It would be a drag to go home and be alone tonight."
Pierre, who had heard, and who was beginning to be restless under the young woman’s indifference, muttered to himself: “Well, the widow is taking root now, it would seem.” For some days past he had spoken of her as “the widow.” The word, harmless in itself, irritated Jean merely by the tone given to it, which to him seemed spiteful and offensive.
Pierre, who had noticed and was starting to feel uneasy about the young woman’s indifference, muttered to himself, “Well, looks like the widow is settling in now.” For the past few days, he had referred to her as “the widow.” The term, innocent on its own, annoyed Jean simply because of the tone it was delivered in, which he found to be mean-spirited and insulting.
The three men spoke not another word till they reached the threshold of their own house. It was a narrow one, consisting of a ground-floor and two floors above, in the Rue Belle-Normande. The maid, Joséphine, a girl of nineteen, a rustic servant-of-all-work at low wages, gifted to excess with the startled animal expression of a peasant, opened the door, went up stairs at her master’s heels to the drawing-room, which was on the first floor, and then said:
The three men didn't say another word until they got to the door of their own house. It was a small place, with a ground floor and two upper floors, located on Rue Belle-Normande. The maid, Joséphine, a nineteen-year-old rural servant who did all sorts of work for low pay, had the wide-eyed look of a country girl. She opened the door, followed her employer upstairs to the drawing-room on the first floor, and then said:
“A gentleman called—three times.”
“A guy called—three times.”
Old Roland, who never spoke to her without shouting and swearing, cried out:
Old Roland, who always yelled and cursed at her, shouted:
“Who do you say called, in the devil’s name?”
“Who do you say called, in the devil’s name?”
She never winced at her master’s roaring voice, and replied:
She never flinched at her master’s booming voice and replied:
“A gentleman from the lawyer’s.”
“A guy from the lawyer’s.”
“What lawyer?”
"Which lawyer?"
“Why, M’sieu ’Canu—who else?”
"Why, Monsieur 'Canu—who else?"
“And what did this gentleman say?”
“And what did this guy say?”
“That M’sieu ’Canu will call in himself in the course of the evening.”
“That Mr. Canu will come by himself later this evening.”
Maître Lecanu was M. Roland’s lawyer, and in a way his friend, managing his business for him. For him to send word that he would call in the evening, something urgent and important must be in the wind; and the four Rolands looked at each other, disturbed by the announcement as folks of small fortune are wont to be at any intervention of a lawyer, with its suggestions of contracts, inheritance, lawsuits—all sorts of desirable or formidable contingencies. The father, after a few moments of silence, muttered:
Maître Lecanu was M. Roland’s lawyer and, in a sense, his friend, handling his business affairs. If he sent a message saying he would drop by in the evening, something urgent and significant must be happening; and the four Rolands exchanged worried glances at the news, as those with limited means often do when a lawyer gets involved, hinting at contracts, inheritances, lawsuits— all kinds of possible good or bad outcomes. After a brief silence, the father murmured:
“What on earth can it mean?”
"What could it mean?"
Mme. Rosémilly began to laugh.
Mrs. Rosémilly started to laugh.
“Why, a legacy, of course. I am sure of it. I bring good luck.”
“Of course, it's a legacy. I’m certain of it. I bring good fortune.”
But they did not expect the death of any one who might leave them anything.
But they didn’t expect anyone to die who could leave them anything.
Mme. Roland, who had a good memory for relationships, began to think over all their connections on her husband’s side and on her own, to trace up pedigrees and the ramifications of cousin-ship.
Mme. Roland, who had a strong memory for relationships, started to reflect on all the connections from her husband’s side and her own, mapping out family trees and the complexities of cousins.
Before even taking off her bonnet she said:
Before she even took off her bonnet, she said:
“I say, father” (she called her husband “father” at home, and sometimes “Monsieur Roland” before strangers), “tell me, do you remember who it was that Joseph Lebru married for the second time?”
“I say, Dad” (she called her husband “Dad” at home, and sometimes “Mr. Roland” in front of others), “tell me, do you remember who it was that Joseph Lebru married the second time?”
“Yes—a little girl named Dumenil, a stationer’s daughter.”
“Yes—a little girl named Dumenil, the daughter of a stationer.”
“Had they any children?”
"Do they have any kids?"
“I should think so! four or five at least.”
"I would think so! At least four or five."
“Not from that quarter, then.”
“Not from that side, then.”
She was quite eager already in her search; she caught at the hope of some added ease dropping from the sky. But Pierre, who was very fond of his mother, who knew her to be somewhat visionary and feared she might be disappointed, a little grieved, a little saddened if the news were bad instead of good, checked her:
She was already very eager in her search; she grasped onto the hope that some extra comfort might fall from the sky. But Pierre, who cared deeply for his mother, understood that she had a tendency to be somewhat unrealistic and worried she might feel let down, a bit hurt, or sad if the news was bad instead of good, held her back:
“Do not get excited, mother; there is no rich American uncle. For my part, I should sooner fancy that it is about a marriage for Jean.”
“Don’t get too excited, Mom; there’s no wealthy American uncle. Honestly, I’d sooner think it’s about a marriage for Jean.”
Every one was surprised at the suggestion, and Jean was a little ruffled by his brother’s having spoken of it before Mme. Rosémilly.
Everyone was surprised by the suggestion, and Jean was a bit uncomfortable that his brother had brought it up in front of Mme. Rosémilly.
“And why for me rather than for you? The hypothesis is very disputable. You are the elder; you, therefore, would be the first to be thought of. Besides, I do not wish to marry.”
“And why me instead of you? The assumption is really questionable. You’re older, so you would naturally come to mind first. Plus, I don’t want to get married.”
Pierre smiled sneeringly:
Pierre smirked:
“Are you in love, then?”
"Are you in love now?"
And the other, much put out, retorted: “Is it necessary that a man should be in love because he does not care to marry yet?”
And the other, very annoyed, replied: “Does a guy have to be in love just because he's not ready to get married yet?"
“Ah, there you are! That ‘yet’ sets it right; you are waiting.”
“Ah, there you are! That ‘yet’ makes it clear; you’re waiting.”
“Granted that I am waiting, if you will have it so.”
“Sure, I am waiting, if that's what you want.”
But old Roland, who had been listening and cogitating, suddenly hit upon the most probable solution.
But old Roland, who had been listening and thinking, suddenly came up with the most likely answer.
“Bless me! what fools we are to be racking our brains. Maître Lecanu is our very good friend; he knows that Pierre is looking out for a medical partnership and Jean for a lawyer’s office, and he has found something to suit one of you.”
“Wow! What fools we are to be straining our brains. Maître Lecanu is our good friend; he knows that Pierre is searching for a medical partnership and Jean for a law office, and he has found something that works for one of you.”
This was so obvious and likely that every one accepted it.
This was so obvious and likely that everyone accepted it.
“Dinner is ready,” said the maid. And they all hurried off to their rooms to wash their hands before sitting down to table.
“Dinner is ready,” said the maid. They all rushed to their rooms to wash their hands before sitting down at the table.
Ten minutes later they were at dinner in the little dining-room on the ground-floor.
Ten minutes later, they were having dinner in the small dining room on the ground floor.
At first they were silent; but presently Roland began again in amazement at this lawyer’s visit.
At first, they were quiet; but soon Roland started talking again, amazed by the lawyer's visit.
“For after all, why did he not write? Why should he have sent his clerk three times? Why is he coming himself?”
“For after all, why didn’t he write? Why did he send his clerk three times? Why is he coming in person?”
Pierre thought it quite natural.
Pierre found it perfectly normal.
“An immediate decision is required, no doubt; and perhaps there are certain confidential conditions which it does not do to put into writing.”
“An immediate decision is needed, no question; and maybe there are certain confidential conditions that shouldn’t be put in writing.”
Still, they were all puzzled, and all four a little annoyed at having invited a stranger, who would be in the way of their discussing and deciding on what should be done.
Still, they were all confused, and all four felt a bit irritated about having invited a stranger who would interrupt their discussion and decision-making on what needed to be done.
They had just gone upstairs again when the lawyer was announced. Roland flew to meet him.
They had just gone upstairs again when the lawyer arrived. Roland rushed to greet him.
“Good-evening, my dear Maître,” said he, giving his visitor the title which in France is the official prefix to the name of every lawyer.
“Good evening, my dear Master,” he said, using the title that in France is the official prefix for every lawyer.
Mme. Rosémilly rose.
Ms. Rosémilly got up.
“I am going,” she said. “I am very tired.”
“I’m going,” she said. “I’m really tired.”
A faint attempt was made to detain her; but she would not consent, and went home without either of the three men offering to escort her, as they always had done.
A weak attempt was made to hold her back, but she wouldn’t agree and went home without any of the three men offering to walk her home like they usually did.
Mme. Roland did the honours eagerly to their visitor.
Mme. Roland warmly welcomed their guest.
“A cup of coffee, monsieur?”
“Coffee, sir?”
“No, thank you. I have just had dinner.”
“No, thank you. I just had dinner.”
“A cup of tea, then?”
“Want a cup of tea?”
“Thank you, I will accept one later. First we must attend to business.”
“Thank you, I’ll take one later. First, we need to handle business.”
The deep silence which succeeded this remark was broken only by the regular ticking of the clock, and below stairs the clatter of saucepans which the girl was cleaning—too stupid even to listen at the door.
The deep silence that followed this comment was only interrupted by the steady ticking of the clock, and downstairs, the sound of saucepans clattering as the girl cleaned them—too clueless even to eavesdrop at the door.
The lawyer went on:
The lawyer continued:
“Did you, in Paris, know a certain M. Maréchal—Léon Maréchal?”
“Did you know a certain Mr. Maréchal—Léon Maréchal—in Paris?”
M. and Mme. Roland both exclaimed at once: “I should think so!”
M. and Mme. Roland both exclaimed at once: “I thought so!”
“He was a friend of yours?”
"Was he your friend?"
Roland replied: “Our best friend, monsieur, but a fanatic for Paris; never to be got away from the boulevard. He was a head clerk in the exchequer office. I have never seen him since I left the capital, and latterly we had ceased writing to each other. When people are far apart you know——”
Roland replied: “Our best friend, sir, but obsessed with Paris; he could never be pried away from the boulevard. He was a senior clerk in the treasury office. I haven't seen him since I left the city, and more recently we stopped writing to each other. When people are far apart, you know——”
The lawyer gravely put in:
The lawyer seriously stated:
“M. Maréchal is deceased.”
“M. Maréchal has passed away.”
Both man and wife responded with the little movement of pained surprise, genuine or false, but always ready, with which such news is received.
Both husband and wife reacted with a slight movement of pained surprise, whether genuine or feigned, but always prepared for the way such news is received.
Maître Lecanu went on:
Maître Lecanu continued:
“My colleague in Paris has just communicated to me the main item of his will, by which he makes your son Jean—Monsieur Jean Roland—his sole legatee.”
“My colleague in Paris has just informed me of the key point of his will, which states that he has made your son Jean—Monsieur Jean Roland—his only heir.”
They were all too much amazed to utter a single word. Mme. Roland was the first to control her emotion and stammered out:
They were all too amazed to say a single word. Mme. Roland was the first to regain her composure and stammered out:
“Good heavens! Poor Léon—our poor friend! Dear me! Dear me! Dead!”
“Good heavens! Poor Léon—our poor friend! Oh no! Oh no! Dead!”
The tears started to her eyes, a woman’s silent tears, drops of grief from her very soul, which trickle down her cheeks and seem so very sad, being so clear. But Roland was thinking less of the loss than of the prospect announced. Still, he dared not at once inquire into the clauses of the will and the amount of the fortune, so to work round to these interesting facts he asked:
The tears welled up in her eyes, silent tears from a woman, drops of sorrow directly from her soul, trickling down her cheeks and looking so very sad, so crystal clear. But Roland was more focused on the future that had been hinted at. Still, he didn’t want to immediately ask about the details of the will or the size of the fortune, so to get to those intriguing facts, he asked:
“And what did he die of, poor Maréchal?”
“And what did he die from, poor Maréchal?”
Maître Lecanu did not know in the least.
Maître Lecanu had no idea at all.
“All I know is,” said he, “that dying without any direct heirs, he has left the whole of his fortune—about twenty thousand francs a year ($3,840) in three per cents—to your second son, whom he has known from his birth up, and judges worthy of the legacy. If M. Jean should refuse the money, it is to go to the foundling hospitals.”
“All I know is,” he said, “that dying without any direct heirs, he has left his entire fortune—about twenty thousand francs a year ($3,840) in three percent bonds—to your second son, whom he has known since birth and considers deserving of the inheritance. If M. Jean refuses the money, it will go to the foundling hospitals.”
Old Roland could not conceal his delight and exclaimed:
Old Roland couldn't hide his joy and exclaimed:
“Sacristi! It is the thought of a kind heart. And if I had had no heir I would not have forgotten him; he was a true friend.”
“Sacristi! It’s a kind-hearted thought. And if I hadn’t had an heir, I wouldn’t have forgotten him; he was a true friend.”
The lawyer smiled.
The lawyer grinned.
“I was very glad,” he said, “to announce the event to you myself. It is always a pleasure to be the bearer of good news.”
“I was really happy,” he said, “to share the news with you myself. It’s always a pleasure to deliver good news.”
It had not struck him that this good news was that of the death of a friend, of Roland’s best friend; and the old man himself had suddenly forgotten the intimacy he had but just spoken of with so much conviction.
It hadn't occurred to him that this good news was about the death of a friend, Roland's best friend; and the old man had abruptly forgotten the closeness he had just talked about with such certainty.
Only Mme. Roland and her sons still looked mournful. She, indeed, was still shedding a few tears, wiping her eyes with her handkerchief, which she then pressed to her lips to smother her deep sobs.
Only Mme. Roland and her sons still looked sad. She was still shedding a few tears, wiping her eyes with her handkerchief, which she then pressed to her lips to stifle her heavy sobs.
The doctor murmured:
The doctor whispered:
“He was a good fellow, very affectionate. He often invited us to dine with him—my brother and me.”
“He was a great guy, really warm-hearted. He often asked my brother and me to have dinner with him.”
Jean, with wide-open, glittering eyes, laid his hand on his handsome fair beard, a familiar gesture with him, and drew his fingers down it to the tip of the last hairs, as if to pull it longer and thinner. Twice his lips parted to utter some decent remark, but after long meditation he could only say this:
Jean, with his wide, sparkling eyes, placed his hand on his attractive light beard, a gesture he often made, and ran his fingers down to the end of the last hairs, as if trying to make it longer and thinner. Twice he opened his mouth to say something appropriate, but after a long pause, all he could manage was this:
“Yes, he was certainly fond of me. He would always embrace me when I went to see him.”
“Yes, he definitely cared about me. He would always hug me when I went to see him.”
But his father’s thoughts had set off at a gallop—galloping round this inheritance to come; nay, already in hand; this money lurking behind the door, which would walk in quite soon, to-morrow, at a word of consent.
But his father's mind was racing—running laps around this inheritance that was to come; no, it was already available; this money waiting just behind the door, which would come in very soon, tomorrow, with just a nod of approval.
“And there is no possible difficulty in the way?” he asked. “No lawsuit—no one to dispute it?”
“And there’s no possible issue with this?” he asked. “No lawsuit—no one to challenge it?”
Maître Lecanu seemed quite easy.
Mr. Lecanu seemed pretty chill.
“No; my Paris correspondent states that everything is quite clear. M. Jean has only to sign his acceptance.”
“No; my contact in Paris says that everything is clear. M. Jean just needs to sign his acceptance.”
“Good. Then—then the fortune is quite clear?”
“Good. So, the fortune is completely clear now?”
“Perfectly clear.”
"Super clear."
“All the necessary formalities have been gone through?”
“All the necessary formalities have been completed?”
“All.”
"Everything."
Suddenly the old jeweller had an impulse of shame—obscure, instinctive, and fleeting; shame of his eagerness to be informed, and he added:
Suddenly, the old jeweler felt a brief wave of shame—vague, instinctive, and momentary; shame over his eagerness to know more, and he added:
“You understand that I ask all these questions immediately so as to save my son unpleasant consequences which he might not foresee. Sometimes there are debts, embarrassing liabilities, what not! And a legatee finds himself in an inextricable thorn-bush. After all, I am not the heir—but I think first of the little ’un.”
“You get why I’m asking all these questions right away—it's to spare my son from any unpleasant surprises he might not see coming. Sometimes there are debts, awkward responsibilities, and various issues! And an heir can end up in a really tough situation. Honestly, I'm not the one inheriting, but my main concern is the little guy.”
They were accustomed to speak of Jean among themselves as the “little one,” though he was much bigger than Pierre.
They usually referred to Jean among themselves as the "little one," even though he was much bigger than Pierre.
Suddenly Mme. Roland seemed to wake from a dream, to recall some remote fact, a thing almost forgotten that she had heard long ago, and of which she was not altogether sure. She inquired doubtingly:
Suddenly, Mme. Roland seemed to wake from a dream, recalling some distant fact, something nearly forgotten that she had heard long ago and wasn't entirely sure about. She asked hesitantly:
“Were you not saying that our poor friend Maréchal had left his fortune to my little Jean?”
“Weren't you saying that our poor friend Maréchal left his fortune to my little Jean?”
“Yes, madame.”
"Yes, ma'am."
And she went on simply:
And she continued simply:
“I am much pleased to hear it; it proves that he was attached to us.”
“I’m really glad to hear that; it shows that he cared about us.”
Roland had risen.
Roland got up.
“And would you wish, my dear sir, that my son should at once sign his acceptance?”
“And would you like my son to sign his acceptance right away, dear sir?”
“No—no, M. Roland. To-morrow, at my office to-morrow, at two o’clock, if that suits you.”
“No—no, Mr. Roland. Tomorrow, at my office tomorrow, at two o’clock, if that works for you.”
“Yes, to be sure—yes, indeed. I should think so.”
“Yes, for sure—yes, absolutely. I would think so.”
Then Mme. Roland, who had also risen and who was smiling after her tears, went up to the lawyer, and laying her hand on the back of his chair while she looked at him with the pathetic eyes of a grateful mother, she said:
Then Mme. Roland, who had also stood up and was smiling after her tears, approached the lawyer, resting her hand on the back of his chair as she looked at him with the soulful eyes of a thankful mother, and she said:
“And now for that cup of tea, Monsieur Lecanu?”
“And now for that cup of tea, Mr. Lecanu?”
“Now I will accept it with pleasure, madame.”
“Now I will gladly accept it, ma'am.”
The maid, on being summoned, brought in first some dry biscuits in deep tin boxes, those crisp, insipid English cakes which seem to have been made for a parrot’s beak, and soldered into metal cases for a voyage round the world. Next she fetched some little gray linen doilies, folded square, those tea-napkins which in thrifty families never get washed. A third time she came in with the sugar-basin and cups; then she departed to heat the water. They sat waiting.
The maid, when called, first brought in some dry biscuits in deep metal boxes, those crisp, tasteless English cookies that seem like they were made for a parrot’s beak and sealed in metal containers for a journey around the world. Next, she returned with small gray linen doilies, folded square, those tea napkins that never get washed in frugal households. A third time, she entered with the sugar bowl and cups; then she left to heat the water. They sat waiting.
No one could talk; they had too much to think about and nothing to say. Mme. Roland alone attempted a few commonplace remarks. She gave an account of the fishing excursion, and sang the praises of the Pearl and of Mme. Rosémilly.
No one could speak; they had too much on their minds and nothing to say. Mme. Roland was the only one who tried to make a few small talk remarks. She recounted the fishing trip and praised the Pearl and Mme. Rosémilly.
“Charming, charming!” the lawyer said again and again.
“Charming, charming!” the lawyer repeated over and over.
Roland, leaning against the marble mantel-shelf as if it were winter and the fire burning, with his hands in his pockets and his lips puckered for a whistle, could not keep still, tortured by the invincible desire to give vent to his delight. The two brothers, in two arm-chairs that matched, one on each side of the centre-table, stared in front of them, in similar attitudes full of dissimilar expressions.
Roland leaned against the marble mantel as if it were winter and the fire was going, with his hands in his pockets and his lips pursed for a whistle. He couldn't stay still, overwhelmed by the strong urge to express his joy. The two brothers sat in matching armchairs on either side of the center table, gazing ahead in similar postures but with very different expressions.
At last the tea appeared. The lawyer took a cup, sugared it, and drank it, after having crumbled into it a little cake which was too hard to crunch. Then he rose, shook hands, and departed.
At last, the tea was served. The lawyer took a cup, added sugar, and drank it after crumbling a little cake into it that was too hard to chew. Then he stood up, shook hands, and left.
“Then it is understood,” repeated Roland. “To-morrow, at your place, at two?”
“Then it's settled,” Roland reiterated. “Tomorrow, at your place, at two?”
“Quite so. To-morrow, at two.”
“Absolutely. Tomorrow at two.”
Jean had not spoken a word.
Jean had not said a single word.
When their guest had gone, silence fell again till father Roland clapped his two hands on his younger son’s shoulders, crying:
When their guest left, silence returned until Father Roland placed his hands on his younger son’s shoulders, exclaiming:
“Well, you devilish lucky dog! You don’t embrace me!”
“Well, you lucky dog! You’re not going to hug me!”
Then Jean smiled. He embraced his father, saying:
Then Jean smiled. He hugged his dad, saying:
“It had not struck me as indispensable.”
“It didn't seem essential to me.”
The old man was beside himself with glee. He walked about the room, strummed on the furniture with his clumsy nails, turned about on his heels, and kept saying:
The old man was over the moon with joy. He paced around the room, tapped on the furniture with his awkward fingers, spun around on his heels, and kept saying:
“What luck! What luck! Now, that is really what I call luck!”
“What luck! What luck! Now, that’s what I call luck!”
Pierre asked:
Pierre asked:
“Then you used to know this Maréchal well?”
“Then you used to know this Marshal well?”
And his father replied:
And his dad replied:
“I believe! Why, he used to spend every evening at our house. Surely you remember he used to fetch you from school on half-holidays, and often took you back again after dinner. Why, the very day when Jean was born it was he who went for the doctor. He had been breakfasting with us when your mother was taken ill. Of course we knew at once what it meant, and he set off post-haste. In his hurry he took my hat instead of his own. I remember that because we had a good laugh over it afterward. It is very likely that he may have thought of that when he was dying, and as he had no heir he may have said to himself: ‘I remember helping to bring that youngster into the world, so I will leave him my savings.’”
"I believe! He used to spend every evening at our house. Surely you remember he would pick you up from school on half-holidays and often take you back after dinner. On the very day Jean was born, he went to get the doctor. He had been having breakfast with us when your mother got sick. We knew immediately what it meant, and he rushed off. In his haste, he took my hat instead of his own. I remember that because we had a good laugh about it later. It's very possible that he thought of that when he was dying, and since he had no heir, he might have said to himself: 'I remember helping to bring that kid into the world, so I'll leave him my savings.'"
Mme. Roland, sunk in a deep chair, seemed lost in reminiscences once more. She murmured, as though she were thinking aloud:
Mme. Roland, settled into a deep chair, appeared to be lost in her memories once again. She murmured, as if she were thinking out loud:
“Ah, he was a good friend, very devoted, very faithful, a rare soul in these days.”
“Ah, he was a great friend, extremely loyal, very dedicated, a rare person in this day and age.”
Jean got up.
Jean woke up.
“I shall go out for a little walk,” he said.
“I’m going to take a quick walk,” he said.
His father was surprised and tried to keep him; they had much to talk about, plans to be made, decisions to be formed. But the young man insisted, declaring that he had an engagement. Besides, there would be time enough for settling everything before he came into possession of his inheritance. So he went away, for he wished to be alone to reflect. Pierre, on his part, said that he too was going out, and after a few minutes followed his brother.
His father was surprised and tried to convince him to stay; they had a lot to discuss, plans to make, and decisions to finalize. But the young man insisted, saying he had an appointment. Besides, there would be plenty of time to settle everything before he inherited his fortune. So he left, wanting to be alone to think. Pierre, for his part, said he was going out as well, and after a few minutes, he followed his brother.
As soon as he was alone with his wife, father Roland took her in his arms, kissed her a dozen times on each cheek, and, replying to a reproach she had often brought against him, said:
As soon as he was alone with his wife, Father Roland took her in his arms, kissed her a dozen times on each cheek, and, addressing a complaint she had often made against him, said:
“You see, my dearest, that it would have been no good to stay any longer in Paris and work for the children till I dropped, instead of coming here to recruit my health, since fortune drops on us from the skies.”
“You see, my dearest, it wouldn’t have made sense to stay in Paris any longer and work for the kids until I collapsed, instead of coming here to recover my health, since luck comes to us out of nowhere.”
She was quite serious.
She was very serious.
“It drops from the skies on Jean,” she said. “But Pierre?”
“It falls from the sky on Jean,” she said. “But Pierre?”
“Pierre? But he is a doctor; he will make plenty of money; besides, his brother will surely do something for him.”
“Pierre? But he’s a doctor; he’ll make a lot of money; plus, his brother will definitely help him out.”
“No, he would not take it. Besides, this legacy is for Jean, only for Jean. Pierre will find himself at a great disadvantage.”
“No, he won’t accept it. Besides, this inheritance is for Jean, only for Jean. Pierre will be at a big disadvantage.”
The old fellow seemed perplexed: “Well, then, we will leave him rather more in our will.”
The old guy looked confused: “Well, then, we’ll leave him a bit more in our will.”
“No; that again would not be quite just.”
“No, that wouldn’t be fair either.”
“Drat it all!” he exclaimed. “What do you want me to do in the matter? You always hit on a whole heap of disagreeable ideas. You must spoil all my pleasures. Well, I am going to bed. Good-night. All the same, I call it good luck, jolly good luck!”
“Darn it all!” he exclaimed. “What do you want me to do about this? You always come up with a bunch of unpleasant ideas. You ruin all my fun. Well, I’m heading to bed. Good night. Still, I consider it good luck, really good luck!”
And he went off, delighted in spite of everything, and without a word of regret for the friend so generous in his death.
And he walked away, happy despite everything, without a word of regret for the friend so generous in his death.
Mme. Roland sat thinking again in front of the lamp which was burning out.
Mme. Roland sat thinking again in front of the lamp that was burning low.
CHAPTER II
As soon as he got out, Pierre made his way to the Rue de Paris, the high-street of Havre, brightly lighted up, lively and noisy. The rather sharp air of the seacoast kissed his face, and he walked slowly, his stick under his arm and his hands behind his back. He was ill at ease, oppressed, out of heart, as one is after hearing unpleasant tidings. He was not distressed by any definite thought, and he would have been puzzled to account, on the spur of the moment, for this dejection of spirit and heaviness of limb. He was hurt somewhere, without knowing where; somewhere within him there was a pin-point of pain—one of those almost imperceptible wounds which we cannot lay a finger on, but which incommode us, tire us, depress us, irritate us—a slight and occult pang, as it were a small seed of distress.
As soon as he stepped out, Pierre headed to Rue de Paris, the main street in Havre, brightly lit, lively, and noisy. The sharp coastal air brushed against his face, and he walked slowly, his cane under his arm and his hands behind his back. He felt uneasy, weighed down, and disheartened, like one does after receiving bad news. He wasn't troubled by any specific thought, and he would have been confused if asked to explain this sadness and heaviness in his limbs. He felt hurt somewhere, but he couldn't pinpoint where; deep inside him was a tiny bit of pain—one of those nearly unnoticeable wounds that bother us, wear us out, bring us down, and irritate us—a slight and hidden ache, like a small seed of distress.
When he reached the square in front of the theatre, he was attracted by the lights in the Café Tortoni, and slowly bent his steps to the dazzling façade; but just as he was going in he reflected that he would meet friends there and acquaintances—people he would be obliged to talk to; and fierce repugnance surged up in him for this commonplace good-fellowship over coffee cups and liqueur glasses. So, retracing his steps, he went back to the high-street leading to the harbour.
When he got to the square in front of the theater, he was drawn in by the lights at Café Tortoni and slowly walked towards the bright façade. But just as he was about to go inside, he realized he would run into friends and acquaintances—people he would have to chat with. A strong feeling of dislike for this ordinary socializing over coffee and liqueurs washed over him. So, turning back, he made his way back to the main street leading to the harbor.
“Where shall I go?” he asked himself, trying to think of a spot he liked which would agree with his frame of mind. He could not think of one, for being alone made him feel fractious, yet he could not bear to meet any one. As he came out on the Grand Quay he hesitated once more; then he turned towards the pier; he had chosen solitude.
“Where should I go?” he asked himself, trying to think of a place he liked that matched his mood. He couldn't come up with one, as being alone made him feel irritable, but he also couldn't stand the thought of seeing anyone. When he reached the Grand Quay, he hesitated again; then he turned toward the pier; he had chosen solitude.
Going close by a bench on the breakwater he sat down, tired already of walking and out of humour with his stroll before he had taken it.
Going by a bench on the breakwater, he sat down, already tired of walking and in a bad mood about his stroll before he had even started it.
He said to himself: “What is the matter with me this evening?” And he began to search in his memory for what vexation had crossed him, as we question a sick man to discover the cause of his fever.
He said to himself, “What’s wrong with me tonight?” And he started to dig into his memory to figure out what annoyance had bothered him, like we might ask a sick person to find out what's causing their fever.
His mind was at once irritable and sober; he got excited, then he reasoned, approving or blaming his impulses; but in time primitive nature at last proved the stronger; the sensitive man always had the upper hand over the intellectual man. So he tried to discover what had induced this irascible mood, this craving to be moving without wanting anything, this desire to meet some one for the sake of differing from him, and at the same time this aversion for the people he might see and the things they might say to him.
His mind was both irritable and clear-headed; he would get excited, then rationalize, either approving or criticizing his feelings. But eventually, his primal instincts took over; the emotional side always won out over the logical side. So he tried to figure out what had triggered this angry mood, this urge to be active without any real purpose, this wish to connect with someone just to be different from them, and at the same time, this dislike for the people he might encounter and the things they might say to him.
And then he put the question to himself, “Can it be Jean’s inheritance?”
And then he asked himself, “Could it be Jean’s inheritance?”
Yes, it was certainly possible. When the lawyer had announced the news he had felt his heart beat a little faster. For, indeed, one is not always master of one’s self; there are sudden and pertinacious emotions against which a man struggles in vain.
Yes, it was definitely possible. When the lawyer announced the news, he felt his heart race a little. After all, one isn't always in control; there are sudden and persistent emotions that a person fights against in vain.
He fell into meditation on the physiological problem of the impression produced on the instinctive element in man, and giving rise to a current of painful or pleasurable sensations diametrically opposed to those which the thinking man desires, aims at, and regards as right and wholesome, when he has risen superior to himself by the cultivation of his intellect. He tried to picture to himself the frame of mind of a son who had inherited a vast fortune, and who, thanks to that wealth, may now know many long-wished-for delights, which the avarice of his father had prohibited—a father, nevertheless, beloved and regretted.
He fell into deep thought about the physiological issue of the impressions made on the instinctual part of humans, which lead to feelings of pain or pleasure that are completely opposite to what a rational person desires, aims for, and considers right and healthy after having elevated themselves through intellectual growth. He tried to imagine the mindset of a son who inherited a large fortune and, thanks to that wealth, can finally experience many long-desired pleasures that his father's greed had prevented him from enjoying—a father who is still loved and missed.
He got up and walked on to the end of the pier. He felt better, and glad to have understood, to have detected himself, to have unmasked the other which lurks in us.
He got up and walked to the end of the pier. He felt better and was glad to have understood, to have recognized himself, to have unmasked the other that lurks within us.
“Then I was jealous of Jean,” thought he. “That is really vilely mean. And I am sure of it now, for the first idea which came into my head was that he would marry Mme. Rosémilly. And yet I am not in love myself with that priggish little goose, who is just the woman to disgust a man with good sense and good conduct. So it is the most gratuitous jealousy, the very essence of jealousy, which is merely because it is! I must keep an eye on that!”
“Then I was jealous of Jean,” he thought. “That’s really petty. And I know it for sure now, because the first thing that popped into my head was that he would marry Mme. Rosémilly. Yet I don’t even love that pretentious little silly; she’s exactly the type to turn a sensible man off. So it’s the most pointless jealousy, the purest form of jealousy, simply because it exists! I need to watch out for that!”
By this time he was in front of the flag-staff, whence the depth of water in the harbour is signalled, and he struck a match to read the list of vessels signalled in the roadstead and coming in with the next high tide. Ships were due from Brazil, from La Plata, from Chili and Japan, two Danish brigs, a Norwegian schooner, and a Turkish steamship—which startled Pierre as much as if it had read a Swiss steamship; and in a whimsical vision he pictured a great vessel crowded with men in turbans climbing the shrouds in loose trousers.
By this time, he was in front of the flagpole, where the depth of water in the harbor is signaled, and he lit a match to read the list of boats indicated in the anchorage and arriving with the next high tide. Ships were expected from Brazil, from La Plata, from Chile, and Japan, along with two Danish brigs, a Norwegian schooner, and a Turkish steamship—which surprised Pierre just as much as if it had said a Swiss steamship; and in a playful vision, he imagined a massive ship filled with men in turbans climbing the rigging in loose pants.
“How absurd!” thought he. “But the Turks are a maritime people, too.”
“How ridiculous!” he thought. “But the Turks are a sea-faring people, too.”
A few steps further on he stopped again, looking out at the roads. On the right, above Sainte-Adresse, the two electric lights of Cape la Hève, like monstrous twin Cyclops, shot their long and powerful beams across the sea. Starting from two neighbouring centres, the two parallel shafts of light, like the colossal tails of two comets, fell in a straight and endless slope from the top of the cliff to the uttermost horizon. Then, on the two piers, two more lights, the children of these giants, marked the entrance to the harbour; and far away on the other side of the Seine others were in sight, many others, steady or winking, flashing or revolving, opening and shutting like eyes—the eyes of the ports—yellow, red, and green, watching the night-wrapped sea covered with ships; the living eyes of the hospitable shore saying, merely by the mechanical and regular movement of their eye-lids: “I am here. I am Trouville; I am Honfleur; I am the Andemer River.” And high above all the rest, so high that from this distance it might be taken for a planet, the airy lighthouse of Etouville showed the way to Rouen across the sand banks at the mouth of the great river.
A few steps further, he stopped again, looking out at the roads. On the right, above Sainte-Adresse, the two electric lights of Cape la Hève, like giant twin Cyclops, shot their long and powerful beams across the sea. Starting from two nearby locations, the two parallel beams of light, like the massive tails of two comets, sloped straight down from the top of the cliff to the farthest horizon. Then, on the two piers, two more lights, the offspring of these giants, marked the entrance to the harbor; and far away on the other side of the Seine, many more lights appeared, steady or blinking, flashing or revolving, opening and closing like eyes—the eyes of the ports—yellow, red, and green, watching the night-covered sea filled with ships; the living eyes of the welcoming shore saying, simply through the mechanical and rhythmic movement of their eyelids: “I am here. I am Trouville; I am Honfleur; I am the Andemer River.” And high above everything else, so high that from this distance it might be mistaken for a planet, the towering lighthouse of Etouville pointed the way to Rouen across the sandbanks at the mouth of the great river.
Out on the deep water, the limitless water, darker than the sky, stars seemed to have fallen here and there. They twinkled in the night haze, small, close to shore or far away—white, red, and green, too. Most of them were motionless; some, however, seemed to be scudding onward. These were the lights of the ships at anchor or moving about in search of moorings.
Out on the deep water, the endless sea, darker than the sky, stars looked like they had fallen here and there. They twinkled in the night haze, small, either close to shore or far away—white, red, and green, too. Most of them were still; some, however, seemed to be moving quickly. These were the lights of the ships at anchor or drifting around looking for a place to dock.
Just at this moment the moon rose behind the town; and it, too, looked like some huge, divine pharos lighted up in the heavens to guide the countless fleet of stars in the sky. Pierre murmured, almost speaking aloud: “Look at that! And we let our bile rise for twopence!”
Just then, the moon rose behind the town, and it, too, resembled some massive, divine lighthouse shining in the sky to guide the countless stars above. Pierre murmured, almost voicing his thoughts: “Look at that! And we let our anger rise over nothing!”
On a sudden, close to him, in the wide, dark ditch between the two piers, a shadow stole up, a large shadow of fantastic shape. Leaning over the granite parapet, he saw that a fishing-boat had glided in, without the sound of a voice or the splash of a ripple, or the plunge of an oar, softly borne in by its broad, tawny sail spread to the breeze from the open sea.
On a sudden, close to him, in the wide, dark ditch between the two piers, a shadow appeared, a large shadow of strange shape. Leaning over the granite railing, he saw that a fishing boat had smoothly drifted in, without a sound or a splash, quietly brought in by its wide, golden sail catching the breeze from the open sea.
He thought to himself: “If one could but live on board that boat, what peace it would be—perhaps!”
He thought to himself, “If only I could live on that boat, what peace it would bring—maybe!”
And then again a few steps beyond, he saw a man sitting at the very end of the breakwater.
And then again, a few steps further, he saw a man sitting at the very end of the breakwater.
A dreamer, a lover, a sage—a happy or a desperate man? Who was it? He went forward, curious to see the face of this lonely individual, and he recognised his brother.
A dreamer, a lover, a wise person—a happy or a desperate man? Who was it? He moved closer, eager to see the face of this solitary figure, and he recognized his brother.
“What, is it you, Jean?”
“What, is that you, Jean?”
“Pierre! You! What has brought you here?”
“Pierre! You! What brought you here?”
“I came out to get some fresh air. And you?”
"I stepped outside to get some fresh air. What about you?"
Jean began to laugh.
Jean started to laugh.
“I too came out for fresh air.” And Pierre sat down by his brother’s side.
“I also went out for some fresh air.” And Pierre sat down next to his brother.
“Lovely—isn’t it?”
“Beautiful—isn’t it?”
“Oh, yes, lovely.”
“Oh, yes, beautiful.”
He understood from the tone of voice that Jean had not looked at anything. He went on:
He could tell from her tone that Jean hadn't looked at anything. He continued:
“For my part, whenever I come here I am seized with a wild desire to be off with all those boats, to the north or the south. Only to think that all those little sparks out there have just come from the uttermost ends of the earth, from the lands of great flowers and beautiful olive or copper coloured girls, the lands of humming-birds, of elephants, of roaming lions, of negro kings, from all the lands which are like fairy-tales to us who no longer believe in the White Cat or the Sleeping Beauty. It would be awfully jolly to be able to treat one’s self to an excursion out there; but, then, it would cost a great deal of money, no end—”
“For me, every time I come here, I get this crazy urge to jump on all those boats, heading north or south. Just thinking about how all those little lights out there have come from the farthest corners of the earth, from places with amazing flowers and stunning olive or copper-skinned girls, from lands filled with hummingbirds, elephants, roaming lions, and Black kings, from all the places that seem like fairy tales to those of us who don’t believe in the White Cat or Sleeping Beauty anymore. It would be so much fun to take a trip out there; but then, it would cost a ton of money, no doubt—”
He broke off abruptly, remembering that his brother had that money now; and released from care, released from labouring for his daily bread, free, unfettered, happy, and light-hearted, he might go whither he listed, to find the fair-haired Swedes or the brown damsels of Havana. And then one of those involuntary flashes which were common with him, so sudden and swift that he could neither anticipate them, nor stop them, nor qualify them, communicated, as it seemed to him, from some second, independent, and violent soul, shot through his brain.
He suddenly stopped, recalling that his brother had that money now; and free from worry, free from having to work for his daily needs, unrestricted, carefree, happy, and light-hearted, he could go wherever he wanted to find the fair-haired Swedes or the dark-haired beauties of Havana. Then came one of those sudden flashes he often experienced, so quick and unexpected that he neither saw them coming, nor could he control them or explain them, which felt to him like they were coming from a separate, intense, and independent part of himself, shooting through his mind.
“Bah! He is too great a simpleton; he will marry that little Rosémilly.” He was standing up now. “I will leave you to dream of the future. I want to be moving.” He grasped his brother’s hand and added in a heavy tone:
“Ugh! He’s such a fool; he’s going to marry that little Rosémilly.” He was standing up now. “I’ll let you dream about the future. I need to get going.” He took his brother’s hand and added in a serious tone:
“Well, my dear old boy, you are a rich man. I am very glad to have come upon you this evening to tell you how pleased I am about it, how truly I congratulate you, and how much I care for you.”
“Well, my dear old friend, you’re a wealthy man. I’m really glad to have run into you this evening to express how happy I am for you, how sincerely I congratulate you, and how much you mean to me.”
Jean, tender and soft-hearted, was deeply touched.
Jean, gentle and kind-hearted, was deeply moved.
“Thank you, my good brother—thank you!” he stammered.
“Thanks, my good brother—thank you!” he stammered.
And Pierre turned away with his slow step, his stick under his arm, and his hands behind his back.
And Pierre walked away slowly, with his cane under his arm and his hands behind his back.
Back in the town again, he once more wondered what he should do, being disappointed of his walk and deprived of the company of the sea by his brother’s presence. He had an inspiration. “I will go and take a glass of liqueur with old Marowsko,” and he went off towards the quarter of the town known as Ingouville.
Back in town, he found himself once again contemplating what to do, feeling let down by his walk and missing the company of the sea because of his brother’s presence. Suddenly, he had an idea. “I'll go grab a liqueur with old Marowsko,” he decided, and he headed toward the part of town called Ingouville.
He had known old Marowsko-le père Marowsko, he called him—in the hospitals in Paris. He was a Pole, an old refugee, it was said, who had gone through terrible things out there, and who had come to ply his calling as a chemist and druggist in France after passing a fresh examination. Nothing was known of his early life, and all sorts of legends had been current among the indoor and outdoor patients and afterward among his neighbours. This reputation as a terrible conspirator, a nihilist, a regicide, a patriot ready for anything and everything, who had escaped death by a miracle, had bewitched Pierre Roland’s lively and bold imagination; he had made friends with the old Pole, without, however, having ever extracted from him any revelation as to his former career. It was owing to the young doctor that this worthy had come to settle at Havre, counting on the large custom which the rising practitioner would secure him. Meanwhile he lived very poorly in his little shop, selling medicines to the small tradesmen and workmen in his part of the town.
He had known old Marowsko—le père Marowsko, as he called him—in the hospitals in Paris. He was a Pole, an old refugee, or so it was said, who had gone through terrible things out there and had come to practice as a chemist and druggist in France after passing a new exam. Nothing was known about his early life, and all sorts of legends had circulated among the patients and later among his neighbors. This reputation as a fierce conspirator, a nihilist, a regicide, a patriot willing to do anything, who had narrowly escaped death, had fascinated Pierre Roland’s lively and adventurous imagination; he had befriended the old Pole, although he never learned any details about his past life. It was thanks to the young doctor that this man had moved to Havre, hoping for the steady business that the up-and-coming practitioner would bring him. Meanwhile, he lived very modestly in his small shop, selling medicines to local tradesmen and workers in his neighborhood.
Pierre often went to see him and chat with him for an hour after dinner, for he liked Marowsko’s calm look and rare speech, and attributed great depth to his long spells of silence.
Pierre often visited him and talked with him for an hour after dinner because he liked Marowsko’s calm demeanor and unique way of speaking, and he believed there was a lot of depth in his long periods of silence.
A simple gas-burner was alight over the counter crowded with phials. Those in the window were not lighted, from motives of economy. Behind the counter, sitting on a chair with his legs stretched out and crossed, an old man, quite bald, with a large beak of a nose which, as a prolongation of his hairless forehead, gave him a melancholy likeness to a parrot, was sleeping soundly, his chin resting on his breast. He woke at the sound of the shop-bell, and recognising the doctor, came forward to meet him, holding out both hands.
A simple gas burner was lit on the counter cluttered with bottles. The ones in the window weren’t lit to save money. Behind the counter, an old man sat on a chair with his legs stretched out and crossed. He was completely bald, with a large, beak-like nose that, along with his hairless forehead, made him look somewhat like a sad parrot. He was sleeping soundly, his chin resting on his chest. He woke up when he heard the shop bell and, recognizing the doctor, came forward to greet him with both hands outstretched.
His black frock-coat, streaked with stains of acids and sirups, was much too wide for his lean little person, and looked like a shabby old cassock; and the man spoke with a strong Polish accent which gave the childlike character to his thin voice, the lisping note and intonations of a young thing learning to speak.
His black frock coat, marked with stains from acids and syrups, was way too big for his thin frame and resembled a worn-out old robe; and the man spoke with a heavy Polish accent, which made his thin voice sound childlike, with a lisping quality and the inflections of a young one just learning to talk.
Pierre sat down, and Marowsko asked him: “What news, dear doctor?”
Pierre sat down, and Marowsko asked him, “What’s the news, dear doctor?”
“None. Everything as usual, everywhere.”
"None. Everything's the same, everywhere."
“You do not look very gay this evening.”
“You don’t look very happy this evening.”
“I am not often gay.”
“I’m not often happy.”
“Come, come, you must shake that off. Will you try a glass of liqueur?”
“Come on, you need to let that go. How about trying a glass of liqueur?”
“Yes, I do not mind.”
"Sure, I don't mind."
“Then I will give you something new to try. For these two months I have been trying to extract something from currants, of which only a sirup has been made hitherto—well, and I have done it. I have invented a very good liqueur—very good indeed; very good.”
“Then I’ll give you something new to try. For the past two months, I’ve been trying to get something out of currants, from which only a syrup has been made until now—well, I’ve done it. I’ve invented a really good liqueur—really good indeed; very good.”
And quite delighted, he went to a cupboard, opened it, and picked out a bottle which he brought forth. He moved and did everything in jerky gestures, always incomplete; he never quite stretched out his arm, nor quite put out his legs; nor made any broad and definite movements. His ideas seemed to be like his actions; he suggested them, promised them, sketched them, hinted at them, but never fully uttered them.
And feeling really happy, he went to a cupboard, opened it, and grabbed a bottle that he brought out. He moved and did everything in quick, jerky motions, always stopping short; he never fully stretched out his arm or completely extended his legs; nor did he make any wide or clear movements. His thoughts seemed to mirror his actions; he hinted at them, promised them, outlined them, but never fully expressed them.
And, indeed, his great end in life seemed to be the concoction of sirups and liqueurs. “A good sirup or a good liqueur is enough to make a fortune,” he would often say.
And, honestly, his main goal in life seemed to be creating syrups and liqueurs. “A good syrup or a good liqueur can make you a fortune,” he would often say.
He had compounded hundreds of these sweet mixtures without ever succeeding in floating one of them. Pierre declared that Marowsko always reminded him of Marat.
He had combined hundreds of these sweet mixtures without ever managing to float even one of them. Pierre said that Marowsko always made him think of Marat.
Two little glasses were fetched out of the back shop and placed on the mixing-board. Then the two men scrutinized the colour of the fluid by holding it up to the gas.
Two small glasses were brought out from the back room and set on the mixing board. Then the two men examined the color of the liquid by holding it up to the gas light.
“A fine ruby,” Pierre declared.
“A beautiful ruby,” Pierre declared.
“Isn’t it?” Marowsko’s old parrot-face beamed with satisfaction.
“Isn’t it?” Marowsko’s old parrot face lit up with satisfaction.
The doctor tasted, smacked his lips, meditated, tasted again, meditated again, and spoke:
The doctor took a sip, smacked his lips, thought for a moment, sampled it again, reflected some more, and said:
“Very good—capital; and quite new in flavour. It is a find, my dear fellow.”
“Very good—excellent; and totally new in taste. It's a discovery, my dear friend.”
“Ah, really? Well, I am very glad.”
“Really? I'm so glad to hear that.”
Then Marowsko took counsel as to baptizing the new liqueur. He wanted to call it “Extract of currants,” or else “Fine Groseille” or “Grosélia,” or again “Groséline.” Pierre did not approve of either of these names.
Then Marowsko sought advice on naming the new liqueur. He wanted to call it “Extract of currants,” or “Fine Groseille” or “Grosélia,” or even “Groséline.” Pierre didn’t like any of these names.
Then the old man had an idea:
Then the old man had an idea:
“What you said just now would be very good, very good: ‘Fine Ruby.’” But the doctor disputed the merit of this name, though it had originated with him. He recommended simply “Groseillette,” which Marowsko thought admirable.
“What you just said is great, really great: ‘Fine Ruby.’” But the doctor questioned the value of this name, even though he had come up with it. He suggested just “Groseillette,” which Marowsko thought was excellent.
Then they were silent, and sat for some minutes without a word under the solitary gas-lamp. At last Pierre began, almost in spite of himself:
Then they fell silent and sat for a few minutes without speaking under the lonely gas lamp. Finally, Pierre started to speak, almost against his will:
“A queer thing has happened at home this evening. A friend of my father’s, who is lately dead, has left his fortune to my brother.”
“A strange thing happened at home this evening. A friend of my father’s, who recently passed away, left his fortune to my brother.”
The druggist did not at first seem to understand, but after thinking it over he hoped that the doctor had half the inheritance. When the matter was clearly explained to him he appeared surprised and vexed; and to express his dissatisfaction at finding that his young friend had been sacrificed, he said several times over:
The pharmacist didn’t seem to get it at first, but after considering it, he hoped the doctor had received half of the inheritance. When it was clearly explained to him, he looked surprised and frustrated; and to show his dissatisfaction at realizing his young friend had been taken advantage of, he repeated several times:
“It will not look well.”
“It won’t look good.”
Pierre, who was relapsing into nervous irritation, wanted to know what Marowsko meant by this phrase.
Pierre, who was becoming increasingly nervous and irritated, wanted to know what Marowsko meant by this phrase.
Why would it not look well? What was there to look badly in the fact that his brother had come into the money of a friend of the family?
Why wouldn’t it look good? What was there to be negative about the fact that his brother had inherited money from a family friend?
But the cautious old man would not explain further.
But the cautious old man wouldn't explain any further.
“In such a case the money is left equally to the two brothers, and I tell you, it will not look well.”
“In that case, the money is divided equally between the two brothers, and I assure you, it won't look good.”
And the doctor, out of all patience, went away, returned to his father’s house, and went to bed. For some time afterward he heard Jean moving softly about the adjoining room, and then, after drinking two glasses of water, he fell asleep.
And the doctor, totally fed up, left, went back to his dad's place, and went to bed. After a while, he heard Jean quietly moving around in the next room, and then, after having two glasses of water, he fell asleep.
CHAPTER III
The doctor awoke next morning firmly resolved to make his fortune. Several times already he had come to the same determination without following up the reality. At the outset of all his trials of some new career the hopes of rapidly acquired riches kept up his efforts and confidence, till the first obstacle, the first check, threw him into a fresh path. Snug in bed between the warm sheets, he lay meditating. How many medical men had become wealthy in quite a short time! All that was needed was a little knowledge of the world; for in the course of his studies he had learned to estimate the most famous physicians, and he judged them all to be asses. He was certainly as good as they, if not better. If by any means he could secure a practice among the wealth and fashion of Havre, he could easily make a hundred thousand francs a year. And he calculated with great exactitude what his certain profits must be. He would go out in the morning to visit his patients; at the very moderate average of ten a day, at twenty francs each, that would mount up to seventy-two thousand francs a year at least, or even seventy-five thousand; for ten patients was certainly below the mark. In the afternoon he would be at home to, say, another ten patients, at ten francs each—thirty-six thousand francs. Here, then, in round numbers was an income of twenty thousand francs. Old patients, or friends whom he would charge only ten francs for a visit, or see at home for five, would perhaps make a slight reduction on this sum total, but consultations with other physicians and various incidental fees would make up for that.
The doctor woke up the next morning determined to make his fortune. He had made this decision several times before but never actually followed through. Every time he tried a new career, the promise of quick riches kept him motivated and confident until he faced the first challenge, which sent him in a different direction. Cozy in bed under the warm sheets, he reflected on how many doctors had become rich in a short time! All it took was a bit of worldly knowledge; through his studies, he had learned about the most renowned physicians and thought they were all fools. He was certainly as capable as they were, if not better. If he could manage to get a practice among the wealthy and stylish in Havre, he could easily make a hundred thousand francs a year. He calculated with great precision what his guaranteed profits would be. In the morning, he would go out to visit patients; even at a modest average of ten a day, charging twenty francs each, that would add up to at least seventy-two thousand francs a year, maybe even seventy-five thousand since ten patients was definitely an underestimate. In the afternoon, he would be available for another ten patients at ten francs each—thirty-six thousand francs. So, in rough numbers, that was an income of twenty thousand francs. Old patients or friends whom he would only charge ten francs for a visit, or see at home for five, might reduce this total a bit, but consultations with other doctors and various incidental fees would make up for that.
Nothing could be easier than to achieve this by skilful advertising remarks in the Figaro to the effect that the scientific faculty of Paris had their eye on him, and were interested in the cures effected by the modest young practitioner of Havre! And he would be richer than his brother, richer and more famous; and satisfied with himself, for he would owe his fortune solely to his own exertions; and liberal to his old parents, who would be justly proud of his fame. He would not marry, would not burden his life with a wife who would be in his way, but he would choose his mistress from the most beautiful of his patients. He felt so sure of success that he sprang out of bed as though to grasp it on the spot, and he dressed to go and search through the town for rooms to suit him.
Nothing could be easier than achieving this through clever ads in the Figaro that suggested the scientific community in Paris was keeping an eye on him and was interested in the results of the modest young practitioner from Havre! He would be wealthier than his brother, wealthier and more famous; and he would be pleased with himself because his success would come entirely from his own hard work; and he would be generous to his elderly parents, who would justifiably be proud of his accomplishments. He wouldn’t get married, wouldn’t complicate his life with a wife who might hold him back, but he would pick his mistress from the most attractive of his patients. He was so confident of his success that he jumped out of bed as if he could grab it right away, and he got dressed to go look for suitable rooms around town.
Then, as he wandered about the streets, he reflected how slight are the causes which determine our actions. Any time these three weeks he might and ought to have come to this decision, which, beyond a doubt, the news of his brother’s inheritance had abruptly given rise to.
Then, as he walked through the streets, he thought about how small the reasons are that influence our choices. At any point over these last three weeks, he could and should have made this decision, which, without a doubt, had suddenly been prompted by the news of his brother’s inheritance.
He stopped before every door where a placard proclaimed that “fine apartments” or “handsome rooms” were to be let; announcements without an adjective he turned from with scorn. Then he inspected them with a lofty air, measuring the height of the rooms, sketching the plan in his note-book, with the passages, the arrangement of the exits, explaining that he was a medical man and had many visitors. He must have a broad and well-kept stair-case; nor could he be any higher up than the first floor.
He paused in front of every door where a sign advertised “luxury apartments” or “nice rooms” for rent; he scoffed at announcements without any adjectives. Then he examined them with an air of superiority, checking the room height, drawing up the layout in his notebook, including the hallways and exit arrangements, saying that he was a doctor and had many visitors. He needed a wide and well-maintained staircase; he wouldn’t consider anything above the first floor.
After having written down seven or eight addresses and scribbled two hundred notes, he got home to breakfast a quarter of an hour too late.
After writing down seven or eight addresses and jotting down two hundred notes, he got home for breakfast fifteen minutes late.
In the hall he heard the clatter of plates. Then they had begun without him! Why? They were never wont to be so punctual. He was nettled and put out, for he was somewhat thin-skinned. As he went in Roland said to him:
In the hall, he heard the clattering of plates. They had started without him! Why? They were never this punctual. He felt irritated and upset, as he was a bit sensitive. As he walked in, Roland said to him:
“Come, Pierre, make haste, devil take you! You know we have to be at the lawyer’s at two o’clock. This is not the day to be dawdling.”
“Come on, Pierre, hurry up, for heaven's sake! You know we need to be at the lawyer’s by two o’clock. Today is not the day to be wasting time.”
Pierre sat down without replying, after kissing his mother and shaking hands with his father and brother; and he helped himself from the deep dish in the middle of the table to the cutlet which had been kept for him. It was cold and dry, probably the least tempting of them all. He thought that they might have left it on the hot plate till he came in, and not lose their heads so completely as to have forgotten their other son, their eldest.
Pierre sat down without saying anything, after kissing his mother and shaking hands with his father and brother. He served himself from the deep dish in the center of the table, taking the cutlet that had been set aside for him. It was cold and dry, probably the least appealing one. He thought they could have kept it on the hot plate until he arrived, and not forgotten about their other son, their oldest.
The conversation, which his entrance had interrupted, was taken up again at the point where it had ceased.
The conversation that his entrance had interrupted continued right where it left off.
“In your place,” Mme. Roland was saying to Jean, “I will tell you what I should do at once. I should settle in handsome rooms so as to attract attention; I should ride on horseback and select one or two interesting cases to defend and make a mark in court. I would be a sort of amateur lawyer, and very select. Thank God you are out of all danger of want, and if you pursue a profession, it is, after all, only that you may not lose the benefit of your studies, and because a man ought never to sit idle.”
“In your position,” Mme. Roland said to Jean, “here’s what I would do right away. I would move into nice rooms to get noticed; I’d ride horses and pick one or two interesting cases to defend and make a name for myself in court. I’d be a kind of amateur lawyer, very exclusive. Thank goodness you don’t have to worry about money, and if you take up a profession, it’s really just to make sure you don’t waste your studies and because a man should never be idle.”
Old Roland, who was peeling a pear, exclaimed:
Old Roland, who was peeling a pear, exclaimed:
“Christi! In your place I should buy a nice yacht, a cutter on the build of our pilot-boats. I would sail as far as Senegal in such a boat as that.”
“Christi! If I were you, I would buy a nice yacht, a cutter like our pilot boats. I would sail all the way to Senegal in a boat like that.”
Pierre, in his turn, spoke his views. After all, said he, it was not his wealth which made the moral worth, the intellectual worth of a man. To a man of inferior mind it was only a means of degradation, while in the hands of a strong man it was a powerful lever. They, to be sure, were rare. If Jean were a really superior man, now that he could never want he might prove it. But then he must work a hundred times harder than he would have done in other circumstances. His business now must be not to argue for or against the widow and the orphan, and pocket his fees for every case he gained, but to become a really eminent legal authority, a luminary of the law. And he added in conclusion:
Pierre, in his turn, shared his thoughts. After all, he said, it wasn't his wealth that defined a person's moral or intellectual value. For someone with a lesser mind, it was merely a source of degradation, while for a strong person, it was a powerful tool. Those kinds of people, of course, were rare. If Jean were a truly superior man, now that he would never lack for anything, he might be able to prove it. But he would have to work much harder than he would have in different circumstances. His focus now should be not on arguing for or against the widow and the orphan, collecting his fees for every case he won, but on becoming a genuinely eminent legal authority, a beacon in the legal field. And he concluded:
“If I were rich wouldn’t I dissect no end of bodies!”
“If I were rich, wouldn’t I dissect countless bodies!”
Father Roland shrugged his shoulders.
Father Roland shrugged.
“That is all very fine,” he said. “But the wisest way of life is to take it easy. We are not beasts of burden, but men. If you are born poor you must work; well, so much the worse; and you do work. But where you have dividends! You must be a flat if you grind yourself to death.”
“That’s great and all,” he said. “But the smartest way to live is to take it easy. We’re not just workhorses; we’re human beings. If you’re born into poverty, you have to work; that’s tough, but you do it. But if you have any benefits coming in, you’d be foolish to wear yourself out.”
Pierre replied haughtily:
Pierre replied arrogantly:
“Our notions differ. For my part, I respect nothing on earth but learning and intellect; everything else is beneath contempt.”
“Our views are different. As for me, I only value knowledge and intelligence; everything else is unworthy of respect.”
Mme. Roland always tried to deaden the constant shocks between father and son; she turned the conversation, and began talking of a murder committed the week before at Bolbec Nointot. Their minds were immediately full of the circumstances under which the crime had been committed, and absorbed by the interesting horror, the attractive mystery of crime, which, however commonplace, shameful, and disgusting, exercises a strange and universal fascination over the curiosity of mankind. Now and again, however, old Roland looked at his watch. “Come,” said he, “it is time to be going.”
Mme. Roland always tried to soften the constant tension between father and son; she shifted the conversation and started talking about a murder that had happened the week before in Bolbec Nointot. Their minds quickly filled with the details of the crime and were captivated by the intriguing horror and mysterious nature of crime, which, despite being so common, shameful, and repulsive, still holds a strange and universal fascination for people's curiosity. Every now and then, though, old Roland glanced at his watch. "Come on," he said, "it's time to go."
Pierre sneered.
Pierre scoffed.
“It is not yet one o’clock,” he said. “It really was hardly worth while to condemn me to eat a cold cutlet.”
“It’s not even one o’clock yet,” he said. “It really wasn’t worth it to make me eat a cold cutlet.”
“Are you coming to the lawyer’s?” his mother asked.
“Are you going to the lawyer’s?” his mother asked.
“I? No. What for?” he replied dryly. “My presence is quite unnecessary.”
"I? No. Why would I?" he replied flatly. "I really don't need to be here."
Jean sat silent, as though he had no concern in the matter. When they were discussing the murder at Bolbec he, as a legal authority, had put forward some opinions and uttered some reflections on crime and criminals. Now he spoke no more; but the sparkle in his eye, the bright colour in his cheeks, the very gloss of his beard seemed to proclaim his happiness.
Jean sat quietly, as if he didn’t care about the situation. When they were talking about the murder at Bolbec, he had shared some thoughts and insights as a legal expert. Now he was silent; yet the sparkle in his eyes, the flush in his cheeks, and the sheen of his beard all seemed to reveal his happiness.
When the family had gone, Pierre, alone once more, resumed his investigations in the apartments to let. After two or three hours spent in going up and down stairs, he at last found, in the Boulevard François, a pretty set of rooms; a spacious entresol with two doors on two different streets, two drawing-rooms, a glass corridor, where his patients while they waited, might walk among flowers, and a delightful dining-room with a bow-window looking out over the sea.
When the family left, Pierre, alone again, continued his search in the available apartments. After two or three hours of going up and down stairs, he finally discovered, on Boulevard François, a lovely set of rooms; a spacious mezzanine with two doors opening onto two different streets, two living rooms, a glass corridor where his patients could stroll among flowers while they waited, and a charming dining room with a bay window overlooking the sea.
When it came to taking it, the terms—three thousand francs—pulled him up; the first quarter must be paid in advance, and he had nothing, not a penny to call his own.
When it came to accepting it, the price—three thousand francs—stopped him cold; the first installment had to be paid upfront, and he had nothing, not a single penny to his name.
The little fortune his father had saved brought him in about eight thousand francs a year, and Pierre had often blamed himself for having placed his parents in difficulties by his long delay in deciding on a profession, by forfeiting his attempts and beginning fresh courses of study. So he went away, promising to send his answer within two days, and it occurred to him to ask Jean to lend him the amount of this quarter’s rent, or even of a half-year, fifteen hundred francs, as soon as Jean should have come into possession.
The small fortune his father had saved brought him about eight thousand francs a year, and Pierre often felt guilty for putting his parents in a tough spot by taking so long to choose a career, by giving up on his attempts, and starting new courses of study. So, he left, promising to send his answer within two days, and it occurred to him to ask Jean to lend him the amount for this quarter’s rent, or even for half a year, fifteen hundred francs, as soon as Jean came into his inheritance.
“It will be a loan for a few months at most,” he thought. “I shall repay him, very likely before the end of the year. It is a simple matter, and he will be glad to do so much for me.”
“It'll just be a loan for a few months at most,” he thought. “I’ll probably pay him back before the end of the year. It's an easy thing to do, and he’ll be happy to help me out like this.”
As it was not yet four o’clock, and he had nothing to do, absolutely nothing, he went to sit in the public gardens; and he remained a long time on a bench, without an idea in his brain, his eyes fixed on the ground, crushed by weariness amounting to distress.
As it wasn't even four o’clock yet and he had nothing to do, really nothing, he went to sit in the public gardens. He stayed for a long time on a bench, without a thought in his mind, his eyes fixed on the ground, overwhelmed by a fatigue that felt like distress.
And yet this was how he had been living all these days since his return home, without suffering so acutely from the vacuity of his existence and from inaction. How had he spent his time from rising in the morning till bed-time?
And yet this was how he had been living all these days since coming home, without feeling so painfully aware of the emptiness of his life and his lack of action. How had he passed his time from waking up in the morning until going to bed?
He had loafed on the pier at high tide, loafed in the streets, loafed in the cafés, loafed at Marowsko’s, loafed everywhere. And on a sudden this life, which he had endured till now, had become odious, intolerable. If he had had any pocket-money, he would have taken a carriage for a long drive in the country, along by the farm-ditches shaded by beech and elm trees; but he had to think twice of the cost of a glass of beer or a postage-stamp, and such an indulgence was out of his ken. It suddenly struck him how hard it was for a man of past thirty to be reduced to ask his mother, with a blush for a twenty-franc piece every now and then; and he muttered, as he scored the gravel with the ferule of his stick:
He had hung out on the pier during high tide, hung out in the streets, hung out in the cafés, hung out at Marowsko’s, hung out everywhere. And suddenly, this life he had put up with until now had become unbearable, intolerable. If he had any spending money, he would have taken a carriage for a long ride in the countryside, along the farm ditches shaded by beech and elm trees; but he had to think twice about the cost of a beer or a postage stamp, so that treat was out of reach. It hit him how tough it was for a man over thirty to have to ask his mother, blushing, for a twenty-franc note every now and then; and he mumbled, as he marked the gravel with the end of his stick:
“Christi, if I only had money!”
“Christi, if I only had money!”
And again the thought of his brother’s legacy came into his head like the sting of a wasp; but he drove it out indignantly, not choosing to allow himself to slip down that descent to jealousy.
And once more, the idea of his brother’s legacy buzzed in his mind like a wasp sting; but he pushed it away angrily, refusing to let himself fall into that pit of jealousy.
Some children were playing about in the dusty paths. They were fair little things with long hair, and they were making little mounds of sand with the greatest gravity and careful attention, to crush them at once by stamping on them.
Some kids were playing around on the dusty paths. They were cute little ones with long hair, and they were carefully building small piles of sand with serious focus, only to crush them right away by stomping on them.
It was one of those gloomy days with Pierre when we pry into every corner of our souls and shake out every crease.
It was one of those gloomy days with Pierre when we dug into every corner of our souls and shook out every crease.
“All our endeavours are like the labours of those babies,” thought he. And then he wondered whether the wisest thing in life were not to beget two or three of these little creatures and watch them grow up with complacent curiosity. A longing for marriage breathed on his soul. A man is not so lost when he is not alone. At any rate, he has some one stirring at his side in hours of trouble or of uncertainty; and it is something only to be able to speak on equal terms to a woman when one is suffering.
“All our efforts are like the struggles of those babies,” he thought. Then he wondered if the smartest thing in life was to have two or three of these little ones and watch them grow up with a curious satisfaction. A desire for marriage filled his heart. A man isn’t so lost when he’s not alone. At least he has someone by his side during tough or uncertain times, and it means something to be able to talk on equal footing with a woman when you’re hurting.
Then he began thinking of women. He knew very little of them, never having had any but very transient connections as a medical student, broken off as soon as the month’s allowance was spent, and renewed or replaced by another the following month. And yet there must be some very kind, gentle, and comforting creatures among them. Had not his mother been the good sense and saving grace of his own home? How glad he would be to know a woman, a true woman!
Then he started thinking about women. He didn't know much about them, having only had brief encounters as a medical student, which ended as soon as his monthly allowance ran out, and were then swapped for someone new the next month. Still, there had to be some really kind, gentle, and caring ones among them. Hadn't his mother been the source of good sense and comfort in his home? How happy he would be to know a real woman!
He started up with a sudden determination to go and call on Mme. Rosémilly. But he promptly sat down again. He did not like that woman. Why not? She had too much vulgar and sordid common sense; besides, did she not seem to prefer Jean? Without confessing it to himself too bluntly, this preference had a great deal to do with his low opinion of the widow’s intellect; for, though he loved his brother, he could not help thinking him somewhat mediocre and believing himself the superior. However, he was not going to sit there till nightfall; and as he had done on the previous evening, he anxiously asked himself: “What am I going to do?”
He suddenly felt determined to visit Mme. Rosémilly. But then he sat back down. He didn’t like her. Why not? She had too much crude and practical common sense; plus, didn’t she seem to prefer Jean? Without admitting it to himself too harshly, this preference influenced his low opinion of the widow’s intelligence; even though he cared for his brother, he couldn’t help but think he was a bit average and that he was the more capable one. Still, he wasn’t going to just sit there until nightfall; just like the previous evening, he nervously wondered, “What am I going to do?”
At this moment he felt in his soul the need of a melting mood, of being embraced and comforted. Comforted—for what? He could not have put it into words; but he was in one of these hours of weakness and exhaustion when a woman’s presence, a woman’s kiss, the touch of a hand, the rustle of a petticoat, a soft look out of black or blue eyes, seem the one thing needful, there and then, to our heart. And the memory flashed upon him of a little barmaid at a beer-house, whom he had walked home with one evening, and seen again from time to time.
At that moment, he felt deep down the need for a comforting mood, for being embraced and reassured. Reassured—for what? He couldn't exactly explain it; but he was having one of those moments of weakness and fatigue when a woman's presence, a woman's kiss, the touch of a hand, the rustle of a skirt, a gentle look from dark or light eyes, seemed like the only thing that could truly soothe his heart. And suddenly, he remembered a little barmaid at a pub, someone he had walked home with one evening and had seen occasionally since then.
So once more he rose, to go and drink a bock with the girl. What should he say to her? What would she say to him? Nothing, probably. But what did that matter? He would hold her hand for a few seconds. She seemed to have a fancy for him. Why, then, did he not go to see her oftener?
So once again, he got up to go have a bock with the girl. What should he say to her? What would she say to him? Probably nothing. But did that really matter? He would hold her hand for a few seconds. She seemed to be into him. So why didn't he visit her more often?
He found her dozing on a chair in the beer-shop, which was almost deserted. Three men were drinking and smoking with their elbows on the oak tables; the book-keeper in her desk was reading a novel, while the master, in his shirt-sleeves, lay sound asleep on a bench.
He found her napping in a chair at the nearly empty bar. Three guys were drinking and smoking with their elbows on the wooden tables; the bookkeeper at her desk was reading a novel, while the owner, in his shirtsleeves, was fast asleep on a bench.
As soon as she saw him the girl rose eagerly, and coming to meet him, said:
As soon as she spotted him, the girl got up excitedly and walked over to him, saying:
“Good-day, monsieur—how are you?”
“Hello, sir—how are you?”
“Pretty well; and you?”
"Pretty good; how about you?"
“I—oh, very well. How scarce you make yourself!”
“I—oh, fine. You really know how to keep yourself out of sight!”
“Yes. I have very little time to myself. I am a doctor, you know.”
“Yes. I don’t have much time for myself. I’m a doctor, you know.”
“Indeed! You never told me. If I had known that—I was out of sorts last week and I would have sent for you. What will you take?”
“Seriously! You never told me. If I had known that—I was feeling off last week and would have called for you. What do you want to eat or drink?”
“A bock. And you?”
"A bock. What about you?"
“I will have a bock, too, since you are willing to treat me.”
“I'll have a bock, too, since you're treating me.”
She had addressed him with the familiar tu, and continued to use it, as if the offer of a drink had tacitly conveyed permission. Then, sitting down opposite each other, they talked for a while. Every now and then she took his hand with the light familiarity of girls whose kisses are for sale, and looking at him with inviting eyes she said:
She had called him by the familiar tu, and kept using it, as if her offer of a drink had silently given permission. Then, sitting across from each other, they chatted for a bit. Occasionally, she took his hand with the casual ease of girls whose kisses are for sale, and looking at him with inviting eyes, she said:
“Why don’t you come here oftener? I like you very much, sweetheart.”
“Why don’t you come here more often? I really like you, babe.”
He was already disgusted with her; he saw how stupid she was, and common, smacking of low life. A woman, he told himself, should appear to us in dreams, or such a glory as may poetize her vulgarity.
He was already disgusted by her; he saw how foolish she was, and basic, like the lowest class. A woman, he told himself, should show up in our dreams, or in some glory that can elevate her plainness.
Next she asked him:
Next, she asked him:
“You went by the other morning with a handsome fair man, wearing a big beard. Is he your brother?”
“You walked by the other morning with a good-looking light-haired guy wearing a big beard. Is he your brother?”
“Yes, he is my brother.”
"Yeah, he’s my brother."
“Awfully good-looking.”
“Really good-looking.”
“Do you think so?”
"Do you really think so?"
“Yes, indeed; and he looks like a man who enjoys life, too.”
“Yes, definitely; and he looks like a guy who enjoys life, too.”
What strange craving impelled him on a sudden to tell this tavern-wench about Jean’s legacy? Why should this thing, which he kept at arm’s length when he was alone, which he drove from him for fear of the torment it brought upon his soul, rise to his lips at this moment? And why did he allow it to overflow them as if he needed once more to empty out his heart to some one, gorged as it was with bitterness?
What weird urge suddenly made him want to share Jean’s legacy with this barmaid? Why did this thing, which he kept at a distance when he was by himself and pushed away because of the pain it caused him, come to his mind right now? And why did he let it spill out, as if he needed to unload his heart to someone again, filled as it was with bitterness?
He crossed his legs and said:
He crossed his legs and said:
“He has wonderful luck, that brother of mine. He had just come into a legacy of twenty thousand francs a year.”
“He's got amazing luck, that brother of mine. He just inherited a fortune of twenty thousand francs a year.”
She opened those covetous blue eyes of hers very wide.
She opened her greedy blue eyes really wide.
“Oh! and who left him that? His grandmother or his aunt?”
“Oh! And who gave him that? His grandma or his aunt?”
“No. An old friend of my parents’.”
“No. A family friend for years.”
“Only a friend! Impossible! And you—did he leave you nothing?”
“Just a friend! No way! And you—did he leave you nothing?”
“No. I knew him very slightly.”
“No. I hardly knew him.”
She sat thinking some minutes; then, with an odd smile on her lips, she said:
She sat thinking for a few minutes; then, with a strange smile on her lips, she said:
“Well, he is a lucky dog, that brother of yours, to have friends of this pattern. My word! and no wonder he is so unlike you.”
“Well, he’s a lucky guy, your brother, to have friends like that. Wow! No wonder he’s so different from you.”
He longed to slap her, without knowing why; and he asked with pinched lips: “And what do you mean by saying that?”
He wanted to slap her, though he didn’t know why; and he asked with tight lips: “And what do you mean by saying that?”
She had put on a stolid, innocent face.
She had put on a serious, innocent look.
“O—h, nothing. I mean he has better luck than you.”
“O—h, nothing. I mean he’s luckier than you.”
He tossed a franc piece on the table and went out.
He flipped a franc coin onto the table and walked out.
Now he kept repeating the phrase: “No wonder he is so unlike you.”
Now he kept saying, “No wonder he’s so different from you.”
What had her thought been, what had been her meaning under those words? There was certainly some malice, some spite, something shameful in it. Yes, that hussy must have fancied, no doubt, that Jean was Maréchal’s son. The agitation which came over him at the notion of this suspicion cast at his mother was so violent that he stood still, looking about him for some place where he might sit down. In front of him was another café. He went in, took a chair, and as the waiter came up, “A bock,” he said.
What had she meant, what was behind those words? There was definitely some malice, some spite, something disgraceful about it. Yeah, that woman must have thought, for sure, that Jean was Maréchal’s son. The anger that hit him at the thought of this accusation against his mother was so intense that he froze, looking around for a place to sit. In front of him was another café. He walked in, took a seat, and when the waiter came over, he said, “A beer.”
He felt his heart beating, his skin was gooseflesh. And then the recollection flashed upon him of what Marowsko had said the evening before. “It will not look well.” Had he had the same thought, the same suspicion as this baggage? Hanging his head over the glass, he watched the white froth as the bubbles rose and burst, asking himself: “Is it possible that such a thing should be believed?”
He could feel his heart racing, his skin covered in goosebumps. Then, he suddenly remembered what Marowsko had said the night before. “It won’t look good.” Had he had the same thought, the same doubt as this person? Bowing his head over the glass, he observed the white foam as the bubbles rose and popped, wondering to himself, “Could anyone actually believe such a thing?”
But the reasons which might give rise to this horrible doubt in other men’s minds now struck him, one after another, as plain, obvious, and exasperating. That a childless old bachelor should leave his fortune to a friend’s two sons was the most simple and natural thing in the world; but that he should leave the whole of it to one alone—of course people would wonder, and whisper, and end by smiling. How was it that he had not foreseen this, that his father had not felt it? How was it that his mother had not guessed it? No; they had been too delighted at this unhoped-for wealth for the idea to come near them. And besides, how should these worthy souls have ever dreamed of anything so ignominious?
But the reasons that could spark this terrible doubt in other people's minds hit him one after the other, as clear, obvious, and frustrating. That a childless old bachelor would leave his fortune to a friend's two sons was the most straightforward and natural thing in the world; but that he would leave all of it to just one of them—of course people would be curious, gossip, and eventually laugh. How could he not have seen this coming, that his father hadn’t sensed it? How could his mother not have figured it out? No; they had been too thrilled about this unexpected wealth for the thought to even cross their minds. And besides, how could these good people have ever imagined something so disgraceful?
But the public—their neighbours, the shopkeepers, their own tradesmen, all who knew them—would not they repeat the abominable thing, laugh at it, enjoy it, make game of his father and despise his mother?
But the public—their neighbors, the shopkeepers, their own tradespeople, everyone who knew them—wouldn't they spread the terrible rumor, laugh about it, enjoy it, make fun of his father and look down on his mother?
And the barmaid’s remark that Jean was fair and he dark, that they were not in the least alike in face, manner, figure, or intelligence, would now strike every eye and every mind. When any one spoke of Roland’s son, the question would be: “Which, the real or the false?”
And the barmaid’s comment that Jean was light-skinned and he was dark, that they didn't resemble each other at all in looks, behavior, shape, or smarts, would now catch everyone’s attention. Whenever someone mentioned Roland’s son, the question would be: “Which one, the real or the fake?”
He rose, firmly resolved to warn Jean, and put him on his guard against the frightful danger which threatened their mother’s honour.
He stood up, determined to warn Jean and make him aware of the serious danger that threatened their mother’s honor.
But what could Jean do? The simplest thing no doubt, would be to refuse the inheritance, which would then go to the poor, and to tell all friends or acquaintances who had heard of the bequest that the will contained clauses and conditions impossible to subscribe to, which would have made Jean not inheritor but merely a trustee.
But what could Jean do? The simplest thing, without a doubt, would be to reject the inheritance, which would then go to the needy, and to inform all friends or acquaintances who had heard about the bequest that the will included clauses and conditions that were impossible to agree to, making Jean not an inheritor but just a trustee.
As he made his way home he was thinking that he must see his brother alone, so as not to speak of such a matter in the presence of his parents. On reaching the door he heard a great noise of voices and laughter in the drawing-room, and when he went in he found Captain Beausire and Mme. Rosémilly, whom his father had brought home and engaged to dine with them in honour of the good news. Vermouth and absinthe had been served to whet their appetites, and every one had been at once put into good spirits. Captain Beausire, a funny little man who had become quite round by dint of being rolled about at sea, and whose ideas also seemed to have been worn round, like the pebbles of a beach, while he laughed with his throat full of r’s, looked upon life as a capital thing, in which everything that might turn up was good to take. He clinked his glass against father Roland’s, while Jean was offering two freshly filled glasses to the ladies. Mme. Rosémilly refused, till Captain Beausire, who had known her husband, cried:
As he walked home, he thought he needed to talk to his brother alone, without their parents hearing about it. When he reached the door, he heard a lot of voices and laughter coming from the living room. When he stepped inside, he found Captain Beausire and Mme. Rosémilly, whom his father had invited over for dinner to celebrate the good news. They had served vermouth and absinthe to get everyone in the mood, and everyone was feeling cheerful. Captain Beausire, a short, round man who had gotten that way from being tossed around at sea, had ideas that seemed just as smoothed out as beach pebbles. He laughed heartily, filled with r’s, and saw life as a great adventure, believing that everything that came his way was worth enjoying. He clinked his glass with father Roland’s, while Jean offered two freshly filled glasses to the ladies. Mme. Rosémilly declined until Captain Beausire, who had known her husband, said:
“Come, come, madame, bis repetita placent, as we say in the lingo, which is as much as to say two glasses of vermouth never hurt any one. Look at me; since I have left the sea, in this way I give myself an artificial roll or two every day before dinner; I add a little pitching after my coffee, and that keeps things lively for the rest of the evening. I never rise to a hurricane, mind you, never, never. I am too much afraid of damage.”
“Come on, madam, bis repetita placent, as we say in the lingo, which means two glasses of vermouth never hurt anyone. Look at me; since I left the sea, I treat myself to a little buzz before dinner every day; I throw in some swaying after my coffee, and that keeps things interesting for the rest of the night. I never go overboard, just so you know, never, ever. I’m too afraid of the consequences.”
Roland, whose nautical mania was humoured by the old mariner, laughed heartily, his face flushed already and his eye watery from the absinthe. He had a burly shop-keeping stomach—nothing but stomach—in which the rest of his body seemed to have got stowed away; the flabby paunch of men who spend their lives sitting, and who have neither thighs, nor chest, nor arms, nor neck; the seat of their chairs having accumulated all their substance in one spot. Beausire, on the contrary, though short and stout, was as tight as an egg and as hard as a cannon-ball.
Roland, whose love for the sea was indulged by the old sailor, laughed heartily, his face already flushed and his eyes watery from the absinthe. He had a large, round belly—just a belly—in which the rest of his body seemed to be packed away; the sagging gut of men who spend their lives sitting and who lack defined thighs, chest, arms, or neck; all their bulk collected in one spot. Beausire, on the other hand, although short and stocky, was as firm as a rock and as tough as a cannonball.
Mme. Roland had not emptied her glass and was gazing at her son Jean with sparkling eyes; happiness had brought a colour to her cheeks.
Mme. Roland hadn't finished her drink and was looking at her son Jean with bright eyes; happiness had added color to her cheeks.
In him, too, the fulness of joy had now blazed out. It was a settled thing, signed and sealed; he had twenty thousand francs a year. In the sound of his laugh, in the fuller voice with which he spoke, in his way of looking at the others, his more positive manners, his greater confidence, the assurance given by money was at once perceptible.
In him, too, the fullness of joy had now burst forth. It was a done deal, signed and sealed; he had twenty thousand francs a year. In the sound of his laugh, in the richer tone of his voice, in how he looked at others, his more assertive behavior, and his increased confidence, the assurance that came from money was immediately noticeable.
Dinner was announced, and as the old man was about to offer his arm to Mme. Rosémilly, his wife exclaimed:
Dinner was announced, and just as the old man was about to offer his arm to Mrs. Rosémilly, his wife exclaimed:
“No, no, father. Everything is for Jean to-day.”
“No, no, Dad. Everything is for Jean today.”
Unwonted luxury graced the table. In front of Jean, who sat in his father’s place, an enormous bouquet of flowers—a bouquet for a really great occasion—stood up like a cupola dressed with flags, and was flanked by four high dishes, one containing a pyramid of splendid peaches; the second, a monumental cake gorged with whipped cream and covered with pinnacles of sugar—a cathedral in confectionery; the third, slices of pine-apple floating in clear sirup; and the fourth—unheard-of lavishness—black grapes brought from the warmer south.
Unusual luxury filled the table. In front of Jean, who was sitting in his father’s place, there was a huge bouquet of flowers—a bouquet for a truly special occasion—standing tall like a dome decorated with flags. It was flanked by four tall dishes: one with a pyramid of beautiful peaches; the second, a massive cake stuffed with whipped cream and topped with sugar peaks—a cathedral made of sweets; the third, slices of pineapple swimming in clear syrup; and the fourth—unimaginable extravagance—black grapes brought in from the warmer south.
“The devil!” exclaimed Pierre as he sat down. “We are celebrating the accession of Jean the rich.”
“The devil!” Pierre exclaimed as he took a seat. “We’re celebrating Jean the Rich’s rise to power.”
After the soup, Madeira was passed round, and already every one was talking at once. Beausire was giving the history of a dinner he had eaten at San Domingo at the table of a negro general. Old Roland was listening, and at the same time trying to get in, between the sentences, his account of another dinner, given by a friend of his at Mendon, after which every guest was ill for a fortnight. Mme. Rosémilly, Jean, and his mother were planning an excursion to breakfast at Saint Jouin, from which they promised themselves the greatest pleasure; and Pierre was only sorry that he had not dined alone in some pot-house by the sea, so as to escape all this noise and laughter and glee which fretted him. He was wondering how he could now set to work to confide his fears to his brother, and induce him to renounce the fortune he had already accepted and of which he was enjoying the intoxicating foretaste. It would be hard on him, no doubt; but it must be done; he could not hesitate; their mother’s reputation was at stake.
After the soup, they passed around Madeira, and soon everyone was talking at once. Beausire was sharing the story of a dinner he had at San Domingo with a black general. Old Roland was listening while trying to interject his own tale of another dinner, hosted by a friend in Mendon, after which every guest was sick for two weeks. Mme. Rosémilly, Jean, and his mother were planning a breakfast outing to Saint Jouin, which they expected would be a lot of fun; and Pierre only wished he had eaten alone in some seaside dive to avoid all the noise and laughter that annoyed him. He was wondering how to begin sharing his worries with his brother and convince him to give up the fortune he had already accepted and which he was already feeling the thrilling taste of. It would be tough on him, of course; but it had to happen; he couldn't hesitate; their mother's reputation was on the line.
The appearance of an enormous shade-fish threw Roland back on fishing stories. Beausire told some wonderful tales of adventure on the Gaboon, at Sainte-Marie, in Madagascar, and above all, off the coasts of China and Japan, where the fish are as queer-looking as the natives. And he described the appearance of these fishes—their goggle gold eyes, their blue or red bellies, their fantastic fins like fans, their eccentric crescent-shaped tails—with such droll gesticulation that they all laughed till they cried as they listened.
The sight of a huge shade-fish reminded Roland of fishing stories. Beausire shared some amazing tales of adventure in Gaboon, Sainte-Marie, Madagascar, and especially off the coasts of China and Japan, where the fish look as strange as the locals. He described these fish—their big gold eyes, their blue or red bellies, their fan-like fins, and their odd crescent-shaped tails—with such funny gestures that everyone laughed until they cried as they listened.
Pierre alone seemed incredulous, muttering to himself: “True enough, the Normans are the Gascons of the north!”
Pierre alone appeared skeptical, mumbling to himself: “It’s true, the Normans are the Gascons of the north!”
After the fish came a vol-au-vent, then a roast fowl, a salad, French beans with a Pithiviers lark-pie. Mme. Rosémilly’s maid helped to wait on them, and the fun rose with the number of glasses of wine they drank. When the cork of the first champagne-bottle was drawn with a pop, father Roland, highly excited, imitated the noise with his tongue and then declared: “I like that noise better than a pistol-shot.”
After the fish, they had a pastry shell filled with savory filling, then a roast chicken, a salad, and French beans with a Pithiviers lark pie. Mme. Rosémilly’s maid helped serve them, and the fun increased with the number of glasses of wine they drank. When the cork of the first champagne bottle popped, father Roland, feeling very excited, mimicked the sound with his tongue and then said, “I like that sound better than a gunshot.”
Pierre, more and more fractious every moment, retorted with a sneer:
Pierre, getting more and more irritable by the second, shot back with a sneer:
“And yet it is perhaps a greater danger for you.”
“And yet it might be an even greater risk for you.”
Roland, who was on the point of drinking, set his full glass down on the table again, and asked:
Roland, who was about to drink, set his full glass down on the table again and asked:
“Why?”
"Why?"
He had for some time been complaining of his health, of heaviness, giddiness, frequent and unaccountable discomfort. The doctor replied:
He had been complaining about his health for a while, feeling sluggish, dizzy, and experiencing frequent and unexplained discomfort. The doctor replied:
“Because the bullet might very possibly miss you, while the glass of wine is dead certain to hit you in the stomach.”
“Because the bullet might very well miss you, while the glass of wine is guaranteed to hit you in the stomach.”
“And what then?”
"And then what?"
“Then it scorches your inside, upsets your nervous system, makes the circulation sluggish, and leads the way to the apoplectic fit which always threatens a man of your build.”
“Then it burns your insides, disrupts your nervous system, slows down your circulation, and paves the way for the stroke that always threatens someone with your build.”
The jeweller’s incipient intoxication had vanished like smoke before the wind. He looked at his son with fixed, uneasy eyes, trying to discover whether he was making game of him.
The jeweler’s initial drunkenness had disappeared like smoke in the wind. He stared at his son with tense, anxious eyes, trying to figure out if he was being mocked.
But Beausire exclaimed:
But Beausire exclaimed:
“Oh, these confounded doctors! They all sing the same tune—eat nothing, drink nothing, never make love or enjoy yourself; it all plays the devil with your precious health. Well, all I can say is, I have done all these things, sir, in every quarter of the globe, wherever and as often as I have had the chance, and I am none the worse.”
“Oh, these annoying doctors! They all keep saying the same thing—don't eat anything, don't drink anything, never make love or have fun; it all wrecks your precious health. Well, all I can say is, I've done all those things, sir, all over the world, whenever I had the chance, and I'm no worse off for it.”
Pierre answered with some asperity:
Pierre replied with some irritation:
“In the first place, captain, you are a stronger man than my father; and in the next, all free livers talk as you do till the day when—when they come back no more to say to the cautious doctor: ‘You were right.’ When I see my father doing what is worst and most dangerous for him, it is but natural that I should warn him. I should be a bad son if I did otherwise.”
“In the first place, captain, you are stronger than my father; and secondly, all free spirits talk like you until the day when—when they don’t return to tell the careful doctor: ‘You were right.’ When I see my father doing what is worst and most dangerous for him, it’s only natural that I should warn him. I’d be a bad son if I didn’t.”
Mme. Roland, much distressed, now put in her word: “Come, Pierre, what ails you? For once it cannot hurt him. Think of what an occasion it is for him, for all of us. You will spoil his pleasure and make us all unhappy. It is too bad of you to do such a thing.”
Mme. Roland, really upset, now spoke up: “Come on, Pierre, what's wrong with you? This time it won't hurt him. Think about what an opportunity this is for him, for all of us. You're going to ruin his fun and make us all unhappy. It's really unfair of you to do this.”
He muttered, as he shrugged his shoulders.
He mumbled as he shrugged his shoulders.
“He can do as he pleases. I have warned him.”
“He can do whatever he wants. I’ve warned him.”
But father Roland did not drink. He sat looking at his glass full of the clear and luminous liquor while its light soul, its intoxicating soul, flew off in tiny bubbles mounting from its depths in hurried succession to die on the surface. He looked at it with the suspicious eye of a fox smelling at a dead hen and suspecting a trap. He asked doubtfully: “Do you think it will really do me much harm?” Pierre had a pang of remorse and blamed himself for letting his ill-humour punish the rest.
But Father Roland didn't drink. He sat there staring at his glass filled with clear, bright liquor, watching as its light essence, its intoxicating spirit, floated up in tiny bubbles from the bottom to burst on the surface. He regarded it with the wary gaze of a fox sniffing at a dead chicken, fearing a trap. He asked hesitantly, “Do you think it will really harm me?” Pierre felt a twinge of guilt and criticized himself for letting his bad mood affect everyone else.
“No,” said he. “Just for once you may drink it; but do not take too much, or get into the habit of it.”
“No,” he said. “You can drink it this once, but don’t overdo it or make it a habit.”
Then old Roland raised his glass, but still he could not make up his mind to put it to his lips. He contemplated it regretfully, with longing and with fear; then he smelt it, tasted it, drank it in sips, swallowing them slowly, his heart full of terrors, of weakness and greediness; and then, when he had drained the last drop, of regret.
Then old Roland raised his glass, but he still couldn't bring himself to drink from it. He looked at it sadly, filled with longing and fear; then he smelled it, tasted it, and sipped it slowly, each swallow heavy with anxiety, weakness, and greed; and once he had finished the last drop, he was left with regret.
Pierre’s eye suddenly met that of Mme. Rosémilly; it rested on him clear and blue, far-seeing and hard. And he read, he knew, the precise thought which lurked in that look, the indignant thought of this simple and right-minded little woman; for the look said: “You are jealous—that is what you are. Shameful!”
Pierre’s gaze suddenly met Mme. Rosémilly’s; it fixed on him, clear and blue, perceptive and intense. And he understood, he knew, the exact thought hidden in that look, the outraged thought of this straightforward and principled woman; for the look conveyed: “You’re jealous—that’s what you are. How shameful!”
He bent his head and went on with his dinner.
He lowered his head and continued with his dinner.
He was not hungry and found nothing nice. A longing to be off harassed him, a craving to be away from these people, to hear no more of their talking, jests, and laughter.
He wasn't hungry and couldn't find anything appealing. A desire to leave bothered him, a need to get away from these people, to stop hearing their chatter, jokes, and laughter.
Father Roland meanwhile, to whose head the fumes of the wine were rising once more, had already forgotten his son’s advice and was eyeing a champagne-bottle with a tender leer as it stood, still nearly full, by the side of his plate. He dared not touch it for fear of being lectured again, and he was wondering by what device or trick he could possess himself of it without exciting Pierre’s remark. A ruse occurred to him, the simplest possible. He took up the bottle with an air of indifference, and holding it by the neck, stretched his arm across the table to fill the doctor’s glass, which was empty; then he filled up all the other glasses, and when he came to his own he began talking very loud, so that if he poured anything into it they might have sworn it was done inadvertently. And in fact no one took any notice.
Father Roland, meanwhile, feeling the wine starting to get to him again, had completely forgotten his son’s advice and was eyeing a nearly full champagne bottle next to his plate with a sly look. He didn’t dare touch it for fear of being scolded again, and he was trying to think of a way to get it without drawing Pierre’s attention. A simple trick came to mind. He casually picked up the bottle and, holding it by the neck, reached across the table to fill the doctor’s empty glass. Then he filled all the other glasses, and when it came to his own, he started talking loudly so that if he poured anything into it, everyone would believe it was an accident. And indeed, no one noticed.
Pierre, without observing it, was drinking a good deal. Nervous and fretted, he every minute raised to his lips the tall crystal funnel where the bubbles were dancing in the living, translucent fluid. He let the wine slip very slowly over his tongue, that he might feel the little sugary sting of the fixed air as it evaporated.
Pierre, without realizing it, was drinking quite a lot. Anxious and on edge, he kept raising the tall crystal glass to his lips, where the bubbles danced in the clear, lively liquid. He let the wine slowly slide over his tongue so he could savor the slight sugary tingle of the carbonation as it evaporated.
Gradually a pleasant warmth glowed in his frame. Starting from the stomach as a centre, it spread to his chest, took possession of his limbs, and diffused itself throughout his flesh, like a warm and comforting tide, bringing pleasure with it. He felt better now, less impatient, less annoyed, and his determination to speak to his brother that very evening faded away; not that he thought for a moment of giving it up, but simply not to disturb the happy mood in which he found himself.
Gradually, a nice warmth spread through him. Starting from his stomach, it reached his chest, filled his limbs, and spread through his body like a soothing wave, bringing pleasure with it. He felt better now, less restless, less irritated, and his plan to talk to his brother that evening faded away; not that he considered giving it up, but he just didn’t want to disrupt the happy mood he was in.
Beausire presently rose to propose a toast. Having bowed to the company, he began:
Beausire stood up to propose a toast. After bowing to everyone, he started:
“Most gracious ladies and gentlemen, we have met to do honour to a happy event which has befallen one of our friends. It used to be said that Fortune was blind, but I believe that she is only short-sighted or tricksy, and that she has lately bought a good pair of glasses which enabled her to discover in the town of Havre the son of our worthy friend Roland, skipper of the Pearl.”
“Most gracious ladies and gentlemen, we have gathered to celebrate a joyful event that has happened to one of our friends. It was once said that Fortune is blind, but I believe she’s just near-sighted or a bit tricky, and that she recently got a good pair of glasses which allowed her to find in the town of Havre the son of our esteemed friend Roland, captain of the Pearl.”
Every one cried bravo and clapped their hands, and the elder Roland rose to reply. After clearing his throat, for it felt thick and his tongue was heavy, he stammered out:
Everyone cheered and clapped, and the elder Roland stood up to respond. After clearing his throat, which felt thick, and with a heavy tongue, he stammered out:
“Thank you, captain, thank you—for myself and my son. I shall never forget your behaviour on this occasion. Here’s good luck to you!”
“Thank you, captain, thank you—for me and my son. I will never forget how you acted on this occasion. Here’s to your good luck!”
His eyes and nose were full of tears, and he sat down, finding nothing more to say.
His eyes and nose were filled with tears, and he sat down, having nothing more to say.
Jean, who was laughing, spoke in his turn:
Jean, who was laughing, spoke next:
“It is I,” said he, “who ought to thank my friends here, my excellent friends,” and he glanced at Mme. Rosémilly, “who have given me such a touching evidence of their affection. But it is not by words that I can prove my gratitude. I will prove it to-morrow, every hour of my life, always, for our friendship is not one of those which fade away.”
“It’s me,” he said, “who should be thanking my friends here, my wonderful friends,” and he looked at Mme. Rosémilly, “who have shown me such a heartfelt sign of their affection. But I can’t express my gratitude with just words. I will show it tomorrow, every hour of my life, always, because our friendship isn’t one of those that fades away.”
His mother, deeply moved, murmured: “Well said, my boy.”
His mother, deeply touched, whispered, “Well said, my son.”
But Beausire cried out:
But Beausire shouted:
“Come, Mme. Rosémilly, speak on behalf of the fair sex.”
“Come on, Mme. Rosémilly, speak for the ladies.”
She raised her glass, and in a pretty voice, slightly touched with sadness, she said: “I will pledge you to the memory of M. Maréchal.”
She lifted her glass and, with a lovely voice that held a hint of sadness, she said, “I toast to the memory of M. Maréchal.”
There was a few moments’ lull, a pause for decent meditation, as after prayer. Beausire, who always had a flow of compliment, remarked:
There was a brief pause, a moment for proper reflection, just like after a prayer. Beausire, who always had a way with flattery, said:
“Only a woman ever thinks of these refinements.” Then turning to Father Roland: “And who was this Maréchal, after all? You must have been very intimate with him.”
“Only a woman ever considers these details.” Then turning to Father Roland: “So, who was this Maréchal anyway? You must have known him really well.”
The old man, emotional with drink, began to whimper, and in a broken voice he said:
The old man, feeling sentimental from the alcohol, started to whimper, and in a shaky voice he said:
“Like a brother, you know. Such a friend as one does not make twice—we were always together—he dined with us every evening—and would treat us to the play—I need say no more—no more—no more. A true friend—a real true friend—wasn’t he, Louise?”
“Like a brother, you know. A friend like that is hard to come by—we were always together—he had dinner with us every evening—and would take us to the theater—I don't need to say anything else—nothing more—nothing more. A true friend—a real true friend—wasn’t he, Louise?”
His wife merely answered: “Yes; he was a faithful friend.”
His wife simply replied, “Yes; he was a loyal friend.”
Pierre looked at his father and then at his mother, then, as the subject changed he drank some more wine. He scarcely remembered the remainder of the evening. They had coffee, then liqueurs, and they laughed and joked a great deal. At about midnight he went to bed, his mind confused and his head heavy; and he slept like a brute till nine next morning.
Pierre looked at his dad and then at his mom, and as the conversation shifted, he drank more wine. He could barely recall the rest of the evening. They had coffee, then some liqueurs, and they laughed and joked a lot. Around midnight, he went to bed, his mind hazy and his head heavy; he slept like a log until nine the next morning.
CHAPTER IV
These slumbers, lapped in Champagne and Chartreuse, had soothed and calmed him, no doubt, for he awoke in a very benevolent frame of mind. While he was dressing he appraised, weighed, and summed up the agitations of the past day, trying to bring out quite clearly and fully their real and occult causes, those personal to himself as well as those from outside.
These sleeps, wrapped in Champagne and Chartreuse, had definitely relaxed him, since he woke up feeling very generous. While getting dressed, he reflected on and evaluated the stresses of the previous day, attempting to clearly identify their true and hidden causes, both personal and external.
It was, in fact, possible that the girl at the beer-shop had had an evil suspicion—a suspicion worthy of such a hussy—on hearing that only one of the Roland brothers had been made heir to a stranger; but have not such natures as she always similar notions, without a shadow of foundation, about every honest woman? Do they not, whenever they speak, vilify, calumniate, and abuse all whom they believe to be blameless? Whenever a woman who is above imputation is mentioned in their presence, they are as angry as if they were being insulted, and exclaim: “Ah, yes, I know your married women; a pretty sort they are! Why, they have more lovers than we have, only they conceal it because they are such hypocrites. Oh, yes, a pretty sort, indeed!”
It’s possible that the girl at the bar had a nasty suspicion—one that fits someone like her—upon hearing that only one of the Roland brothers was made the heir to a stranger. But don’t people like her always have similar unfounded ideas about every upstanding woman? Don’t they, whenever they talk, slander, defame, and insult anyone they think is innocent? Whenever a woman with a good reputation comes up in conversation with them, they get just as upset as if they were being personally attacked, exclaiming: “Oh sure, I know your married women; what a bunch they are! They have more lovers than we do, but they hide it because they’re such hypocrites. Oh yes, quite the bunch, indeed!”
Under any other circumstances he would certainly not have understood, not have imagined the possibility of such an insinuation against his poor mother, who was so kind, so simple, so excellent. But his spirit seethed with the leaven of jealousy that was fermenting within him. His own excited mind, on the scent, as it were, in spite of himself, for all that could damage his brother, had even perhaps attributed to the tavern barmaid an odious intention of which she was innocent. It was possible that his imagination had, unaided, invented this dreadful doubt—his imagination, which he never controlled, which constantly evaded his will and went off, unfettered, audacious, adventurous, and stealthy, into the infinite world of ideas, bringing back now and then some which were shameless and repulsive, and which it buried in him, in the depths of his soul, in its most fathomless recesses, like something stolen. His heart, most certainly, his own heart had secrets from him; and had not that wounded heart discerned in this atrocious doubt a means of depriving his brother of the inheritance of which he was jealous? He suspected himself now, cross-examining all the mysteries of his mind as bigots search their consciences.
Under different circumstances, he definitely wouldn’t have understood or even imagined the possibility of such an accusation against his poor mother, who was so kind, so simple, and so wonderful. But jealousy was boiling inside him, stirring up his emotions. Despite himself, his agitated mind, eager to find anything that could harm his brother, might have even ascribed a malicious intent to the tavern barmaid that she didn’t possess. It was possible that his imagination had, on its own, created this terrible doubt—his imagination, which he never controlled, constantly slipping away from his will and diving, untethered, bold, adventurous, and sneaky, into the endless world of ideas, occasionally returning with some that were scandalous and disgusting, burying them deep within him, in the darkest corners of his soul, as if they were something stolen. His heart, without a doubt, had secrets from him; and hadn’t that wounded heart found in this horrific doubt a way to strip his brother of the inheritance he envied? He was now suspicious of himself, scrutinizing all the mysteries of his mind like fanatics search their consciences.
Mme. Rosémilly, though her intelligence was limited, had certainly a woman’s instinct, scent, and subtle intuitions. And this notion had never entered her head, since she had, with perfect simplicity, drunk to the blessed memory of the deceased Maréchal. She was not the woman to have done this if she had had the faintest suspicion. Now he doubted no longer; his involuntary displeasure at his brother’s windfall of fortune and his religious affection for his mother had magnified his scruples—very pious and respectable scruples, but exaggerated. As he put this conclusion into words in his own mind he felt happy, as at the doing of a good action; and he resolved to be nice to every one, beginning with his father, whose manias, and silly statements, and vulgar opinions, and too conspicuous mediocrity were a constant irritation to him.
Mme. Rosémilly, even though her intelligence was limited, definitely had a woman’s instinct, intuition, and subtle perception. This idea had never crossed her mind, as she had simply raised a toast to the cherished memory of the late Maréchal. She wouldn’t have done this if she had the slightest suspicion. Now, he no longer doubted; his involuntary annoyance at his brother’s unexpected fortune and his deep affection for his mother had amplified his scruples—very pious and respectable scruples, but exaggerated. As he voiced this conclusion in his mind, he felt a sense of happiness, like he was doing something good; and he decided to be kind to everyone, starting with his father, whose quirks, foolish remarks, and mediocre opinions constantly irritated him.
He came in not late for breakfast, and amused all the family by his fun and good humour.
He arrived just in time for breakfast and entertained the whole family with his jokes and good spirits.
His mother, quite delighted, said to him:
His mother, really happy, said to him:
“My little Pierre, you have no notion how humorous and clever you can be when you choose.”
“My little Pierre, you have no idea how funny and smart you can be when you want to.”
And he talked, putting things in a witty way, and making them laugh by ingenious hits at their friends. Beausire was his butt, and Mme. Rosémilly a little, but in a very judicious way, not too spiteful. And he thought as he looked at his brother: “Stand up for her, you muff. You may be as rich as you please, I can always eclipse you when I take the trouble.”
And he chatted, using clever remarks to get laughs and landing clever digs at their friends. Beausire was his main target, and Mme. Rosémilly got a little of it too, but in a thoughtful way, not too harsh. As he watched his brother, he thought, “Defend her, you softie. You might be as rich as you want, but I can always outshine you when I want to.”
As they drank their coffee he said to his father:
As they were drinking their coffee, he said to his dad:
“Are you going out in the Pearl to-day?”
“Are you going out in the Pearl today?”
“No, my boy.”
“No, my dude.”
“May I have her with Jean Bart?”
“Can I have her with Jean Bart?”
“To be sure, as long as you like.”
“To be sure, as long as you want.”
He bought a good cigar at the first tobacconist’s and went down to the quay with a light step. He glanced up at the sky, which was clear and luminous, of a pale blue, freshly swept by the sea-breeze.
He bought a nice cigar at the first tobacco shop and went down to the dock with a light step. He looked up at the sky, which was clear and bright, a pale blue, freshly swept by the sea breeze.
Papagris, the boatman, commonly called Jean Bart, was dozing in the bottom of the boat, which he was required to have in readiness every day at noon when they had not been out fishing in the morning.
Papagris, the boatman, often called Jean Bart, was dozing in the bottom of the boat, which he needed to have ready every day at noon when they hadn't gone out fishing in the morning.
“You and I together, mate,” cried Pierre. He went down the iron ladder of the quay and leaped into the vessel.
“You and I together, buddy,” shouted Pierre. He climbed down the metal ladder of the dock and jumped into the boat.
“Which way is the wind?” he asked.
“Which way is the wind blowing?” he asked.
“Due east still, M’sieu Pierre. A fine breeze out at sea.”
“Due east still, Mister Pierre. There’s a nice breeze out at sea.”
“Well, then, old man, off we go!”
“Well, then, old man, let's go!”
They hoisted the foresail and weighed anchor; and the boat, feeling herself free, glided slowly down towards the jetty on the still water of the harbour. The breath of wind that came down the streets caught the top of the sail so lightly as to be imperceptible, and the Pearl seemed endowed with life—the life of a vessel driven on by a mysterious latent power. Pierre took the tiller, and, holding his cigar between his teeth, he stretched his legs on the bunk, and with his eyes half-shut in the blinding sunshine, he watched the great tarred timbers of the breakwater as they glided past.
They raised the foresail and lifted the anchor; the boat, feeling free, drifted slowly toward the jetty on the calm water of the harbor. A gentle breeze coming down the streets barely caught the top of the sail, making it almost unnoticeable, and the Pearl seemed alive—the life of a vessel propelled by a hidden, mysterious force. Pierre grabbed the tiller, holding his cigar between his teeth, stretched his legs out on the bunk, and with his eyes half-closed in the bright sunshine, he watched the large tarred beams of the breakwater glide by.
When they reached the open sea, round the nose of the north pier which had sheltered them, the fresher breeze puffed in the doctor’s face and on his hands, like a somewhat icy caress, filled his chest, which rose with a long sigh to drink it in, and swelling the tawny sail, tilted the Pearl on her beam and made her more lively. Jean Bart hastily hauled up the jib, and the triangle of canvas, full of wind, looked like a wing; then, with two strides to the stern, he let out the spinnaker, which was close-reefed against his mast.
When they reached the open sea, rounding the nose of the north pier that had protected them, a fresher breeze blew in the doctor’s face and on his hands, like a somewhat chilly touch, filling his chest, which rose with a long sigh to take it in, and swelling the tawny sail, tilted the Pearl on her side and made her feel more energetic. Jean Bart quickly pulled up the jib, and the triangle of canvas, filled with wind, looked like a wing; then, with two strides to the back, he let out the spinnaker, which was tightly secured against his mast.
Then, along the hull of the boat, which suddenly heeled over and was running at top speed, there was a soft, crisp sound of water hissing and rushing past. The prow ripped up the sea like the share of a plough gone mad, and the yielding water it turned up curled over and fell white with foam, as the ploughed soil, heavy and brown, rolls and falls in a ridge. At each wave they met—and there was a short, chopping sea—the Pearl shivered from the point of the bowsprit to the rudder, which trembled under Pierre’s hand; when the wind blew harder in gusts, the swell rose to the gunwale as if it would overflow into the boat. A coal brig from Liverpool was lying at anchor, waiting for the tide; they made a sweep round her stern and went to look at each of the vessels in the roads one after another; then they put further out to look at the unfolding line of coast.
Then, along the side of the boat, which suddenly tilted and was speeding ahead, there was a soft, crisp sound of water hissing and rushing past. The bow sliced through the sea like a crazed plowshare, and the water it disturbed curled over and fell white with foam, just like freshly plowed soil, heavy and brown, rolls and falls into a ridge. At each wave they encountered—and there was a short, choppy sea—the Pearl shuddered from the tip of the bowsprit to the rudder, which trembled beneath Pierre’s grip; when the wind picked up in gusts, the swell rose to the gunwale, almost spilling over into the boat. A coal brig from Liverpool was anchored, waiting for the tide; they circled around her stern and checked out each of the vessels in the harbor one by one; then they headed further out to see the unfolding coastline.
For three hours Pierre, easy, calm, and happy, wandered to and fro over the dancing waters, guiding the thing of wood and canvas, which came and went at his will, under the pressure of his hand, as if it were a swift and docile winged creature.
For three hours, Pierre, relaxed, calm, and happy, walked back and forth over the shimmering waters, steering the wooden and canvas craft that moved at his command, under his touch, as if it were a fast and obedient bird.
He was lost in day-dreams, the dreams one has on horseback or on the deck of a boat; thinking of his future, which should be brilliant, and the joys of living intelligently. On the morrow he would ask his brother to lend him fifteen hundred francs for three months, that he might settle at once in the pretty rooms on the Boulevard François.
He was lost in daydreams, the kind you have while riding a horse or on a boat; thinking about his future, which was supposed to be bright, and the joys of living wisely. The next day, he would ask his brother to lend him fifteen hundred francs for three months so he could move into the nice rooms on Boulevard François right away.
Suddenly the sailor said: “The fog is coming up, M’sieu Pierre. We must go in.”
Suddenly, the sailor said, “The fog is rolling in, M'sieu Pierre. We need to head back.”
He looked up and saw to the northward a gray shade, filmy but dense, blotting out the sky and covering the sea; it was sweeping down on them like a cloud fallen from above. He tacked for land and made for the pier, scudding before the wind and followed by the flying fog, which gained upon them. When it reached the Pearl, wrapping her in its intangible density, a cold shudder ran over Pierre’s limbs, and a smell of smoke and mould, the peculiar smell of a sea-fog, made him close his mouth that he might not taste the cold, wet vapour. By the time the boat was at her usual moorings in the harbour the whole town was buried in this fine mist, which did not fall but yet wetted everything like rain, and glided and rolled along the roofs and streets like the flow of a river. Pierre, with his hands and feet frozen, made haste home and threw himself on his bed to take a nap till dinner-time. When he made his appearance in the dining-room his mother was saying to Jean:
He looked up and saw a gray shadow to the north, thin yet thick, blocking out the sky and covering the sea; it was rushing toward them like a cloud that had fallen from above. He steered towards land and headed for the pier, racing before the wind with the fog chasing after them, closing in. When it reached the Pearl, enveloping her in its intangible thickness, a cold shiver ran through Pierre’s body, and the musty smell of smoke and mold, the distinct scent of sea fog, made him close his mouth to avoid tasting the cold, damp vapor. By the time the boat was at its usual spot in the harbor, the whole town was enveloped in this fine mist, which didn’t fall but still soaked everything like rain, flowing and rolling over the roofs and streets like a river. Pierre, with his hands and feet freezing, hurried home and threw himself on his bed to nap until dinner time. When he finally showed up in the dining room, his mother was talking to Jean:
“The glass corridor will be lovely. We will fill it with flowers. You will see. I will undertake to care for them and renew them. When you give a party the effect will be quite fairy-like.”
“The glass corridor will be beautiful. We’ll fill it with flowers. You’ll see. I’ll take care of them and refresh them. When you host a party, the effect will be absolutely magical.”
“What in the world are you talking about?” the doctor asked.
“What on earth are you talking about?” the doctor asked.
“Of a delightful apartment I have just taken for your brother. It is quite a find; an entresol looking out on two streets. There are two drawing-rooms, a glass passage, and a little circular dining-room, perfectly charming for a bachelor’s quarters.”
“Of a lovely apartment I just got for your brother. It’s quite a gem; a raised ground floor looking out onto two streets. There are two living rooms, a glass hallway, and a small circular dining room, perfect for a bachelor’s pad.”
Pierre turned pale. His anger seemed to press on his heart.
Pierre turned pale. His anger felt like a weight on his chest.
“Where is it?” he asked.
“Where is it?” he asked.
“Boulevard François.”
"François Boulevard."
There was no possibility for doubt. He took his seat in such a state of exasperation that he longed to exclaim: “This is really too much! Is there nothing for any one but him?”
There was no room for doubt. He sat down in such a state of frustration that he felt like shouting, “This is just too much! Is there nothing for anyone but him?”
His mother, beaming, went on talking: “And only fancy, I got it for two thousand eight hundred francs a year. They asked three thousand, but I got a reduction of two hundred francs on taking for three, six, or nine years. Your brother will be delightfully housed there. An elegant home is enough to make the fortune of a lawyer. It attracts clients, charms them, holds them fast, commands respect, and shows them that a man who lives in such good style expects a good price for his words.”
His mother, glowing with happiness, continued speaking: “Can you believe it? I got it for two thousand eight hundred francs a year. They were asking for three thousand, but I negotiated a discount of two hundred francs for committing to three, six, or nine years. Your brother will be wonderfully housed there. A nice home is essential for a lawyer's success. It draws in clients, charms them, keeps them coming back, commands respect, and shows them that a guy who lives so well expects to be paid well for his advice.”
She was silent for a few seconds and then went on:
She stayed quiet for a few seconds and then continued:
“We must look out for something suitable for you; much less pretentious, since you have nothing, but nice and pretty all the same. I assure you it will be to your advantage.”
“We need to find something that suits you; something less pretentious, since you have very little, but still nice and pretty. I promise it will work out well for you.”
Pierre replied contemptuously:
Pierre replied with disdain:
“For me! Oh, I shall make my way by hard work and learning.”
“For me! Oh, I will forge my path through hard work and education.”
But his mother insisted: “Yes, but I assure you that to be well lodged will be of use to you nevertheless.”
But his mother insisted, “Yes, but I promise you that having a good place to stay will still be beneficial for you.”
About half-way through the meal he suddenly asked:
About halfway through the meal, he suddenly asked:
“How did you first come to know this man Maréchal?”
“How did you first meet this guy Maréchal?”
Old Roland looked up and racked his memory:
Old Roland looked up and tried to remember.
“Wait a bit; I scarcely recollect. It is such an old story now. Ah, yes, I remember. It was your mother who made the acquaintance with him in the shop, was it not, Louise? He first came to order something, and then he called frequently. We knew him as a customer before we knew him as a friend.”
“Hold on a second; I can barely remember. It's such an old story now. Oh, right, I remember. It was your mom who met him in the shop, wasn’t it, Louise? He came in to order something at first, and then he started coming in often. We knew him as a customer before we got to know him as a friend.”
Pierre, who was eating beans, sticking his fork into them one by one as if he were spitting them, went on:
Pierre, who was eating beans, poking his fork into them one by one as if he were spitting them out, continued:
“And when was it that you made his acquaintance?”
“And when did you meet him?”
Again Roland sat thinking, but he could remember no more and appealed to his wife’s better memory.
Again, Roland sat in thought, but he couldn't remember anything else and turned to his wife's sharper memory.
“In what year was it, Louise? You surely have not forgotten, you who remember everything. Let me see—it was in—in—in fifty-five or fifty-six? Try to remember. You ought to know better than I.”
“In what year was it, Louise? You definitely haven’t forgotten, since you remember everything. Let me think—it was in—in—in fifty-five or fifty-six? Try to recall. You should know better than I.”
She did in fact think it over for some minutes, and then replied in a steady voice and with calm decision:
She really did think it over for a few minutes, and then she responded in a steady voice with calm determination:
“It was in fifty-eight, old man. Pierre was three years old. I am quite sure that I am not mistaken, for it was in that year that the child had scarlet fever, and Maréchal, whom we knew then but very little, was of the greatest service to us.”
“It was in fifty-eight, old man. Pierre was three years old. I’m pretty sure I’m not mistaken, because that was the year the child had scarlet fever, and Maréchal, who we didn’t know very well at the time, was a huge help to us.”
Roland exclaimed:
Roland shouted:
“To be sure—very true; he was really invaluable. When your mother was half-dead with fatigue and I had to attend to the shop, he would go to the chemist’s to fetch your medicine. He really had the kindest heart! And when you were well again, you cannot think how glad he was and how he petted you. It was from that time that we became such great friends.”
“To be sure—very true; he was truly invaluable. When your mother was exhausted and I had to take care of the shop, he would go to the pharmacy to get your medicine. He really had the kindest heart! And when you were better, you can’t imagine how happy he was and how he treated you. That’s when we became such great friends.”
And this thought rushed into Pierre’s soul, as abrupt and violent as a cannon-ball rending and piercing it: “Since he knew me first, since he was so devoted to me, since he was so fond of me and petted me so much, since I—I was the cause of his great intimacy with my parents, why did he leave all his money to my brother and nothing to me?”
And this thought surged into Pierre’s soul, sudden and intense like a cannonball tearing through it: “Since he knew me first, since he was so dedicated to me, since he cared for me so much and spoiled me, since I—I was the reason for his close relationship with my parents, why did he leave all his money to my brother and nothing to me?”
He asked no more questions and remained gloomy; absent-minded rather than thoughtful, feeling in his soul a new anxiety as yet undefined, the secret germ of a new pain.
He didn't ask any more questions and stayed gloomy; more lost in thought than actually thoughtful, feeling a new, vague anxiety in his soul, the hidden seed of a new pain.
He went out early, wandering about the streets once more. They were shrouded in the fog which made the night heavy, opaque, and nauseous. It was like a pestilential cloud dropped on the earth. It could be seen swirling past the gas-lights, which it seemed to put out at intervals. The pavement was as slippery as on a frosty night after rain, and all sorts of evil smells seemed to come up from the bowels of the houses—the stench of cellars, drains, sewers, squalid kitchens—to mingle with the horrible savour of this wandering fog.
He headed out early, wandering the streets again. They were covered in fog, making the night feel heavy, thick, and nauseating. It was like a toxic cloud settled over the ground. It swirled past the gas lights, which occasionally flickered out. The pavement was as slick as when it’s icy after rain, and all kinds of awful smells seemed to rise from the depths of the houses—the stench of cellars, drains, sewers, filthy kitchens—mixing with the horrible scent of the drifting fog.
Pierre, with his shoulders up and his hands in his pockets, not caring to remain out of doors in the cold, turned into Marowsko’s. The druggist was asleep as usual under the gas-light, which kept watch. On recognising Pierre for whom he had the affection of a faithful dog, he shook off his drowsiness, went for two glasses, and brought out the Groseillette.
Pierre, shrugging his shoulders and with his hands in his pockets, not bothered about staying outside in the cold, walked into Marowsko’s. The pharmacist was asleep as usual under the gaslight that was on duty. When he recognized Pierre, for whom he had the affection of a loyal dog, he shook off his sleepiness, got two glasses, and brought out the Groseillette.
“Well,” said the doctor, “how is the liqueur getting on?”
“Well,” said the doctor, “how's the liqueur coming along?”
The Pole explained that four of the chief cafés in the town had agreed to have it on sale, and that two papers, the Northcoast Pharos and the Havre Semaphore, would advertise it, in return for certain chemical preparations to be supplied to the editors.
The Pole explained that four of the main cafés in town had agreed to sell it, and that two newspapers, the Northcoast Pharos and the Havre Semaphore, would promote it in exchange for some chemical supplies to be given to the editors.
After a long silence Marowsko asked whether Jean had come definitely into possession of his fortune; and then he put two or three other questions vaguely referring to the same subject. His jealous devotion to Pierre rebelled against this preference. And Pierre felt as though he could hear him thinking; he guessed and understood, read in his averted eyes and in the hesitancy of his tone, the words which rose to his lips but were not spoken—which the druggist was too timid or too prudent and cautious to utter.
After a long silence, Marowsko asked if Jean had definitely taken possession of his fortune; then he asked two or three other questions that vaguely referred to the same topic. His jealous loyalty to Pierre resented this preference. Pierre felt like he could hear Marowsko's thoughts; he sensed and understood, reading in his turned-away eyes and the hesitation in his voice, the words that were on the tip of his tongue but remained unspoken—words the druggist was too timid or too careful to voice.
At this moment, he felt sure, the old man was thinking: “You ought not to have suffered him to accept this inheritance which will make people speak ill of your mother.”
At this moment, he was certain the old man was thinking: “You shouldn’t have let him take this inheritance that will lead people to talk badly about your mother.”
Perhaps, indeed, Marowsko believed that Jean was Maréchal’s son. Of course he believed it! How could he help believing it when the thing must seem so possible, so probable, self-evident? Why, he himself, Pierre, her son—had not he been for these three days past fighting with all the subtlety at his command to cheat his reason, fighting against this hideous suspicion?
Perhaps Marowsko really thought that Jean was Maréchal’s son. Of course he thought so! How could he not believe it when it seemed so possible, so likely, so obvious? After all, he himself, Pierre, her son—hadn’t he been for the past three days struggling with all the cleverness he could muster to deny his reason, battling against this awful suspicion?
And suddenly the need to be alone, to reflect, to discuss the matter with himself—to face boldly, without scruple or weakness, this possible but monstrous thing—came upon him anew, and so imperative that he rose without even drinking his glass of Groseillette, shook hands with the astounded druggist, and plunged out into the foggy streets again.
And suddenly, the urge to be alone, to think, to talk things over with himself—to confront boldly, without remorse or hesitation, this potential but horrifying situation—hit him again, so strongly that he got up without even sipping his glass of Groseillette, shook hands with the shocked pharmacist, and rushed back out into the foggy streets.
He asked himself: “What made this Maréchal leave all his fortune to Jean?”
He asked himself, “Why did this Maréchal leave all his fortune to Jean?”
It was not jealousy now which made him dwell on this question, not the rather mean but natural envy which he knew lurked within him, and with which he had been struggling these three days, but the dread of an overpowering horror; the dread that he himself should believe that Jean, his brother, was that man’s son.
It wasn’t jealousy that made him focus on this question now, not the petty but natural envy he knew was within him and that he had been trying to manage for three days, but the fear of a crushing horror; the fear that he himself would come to believe that Jean, his brother, was that man’s son.
No. He did not believe it, he could not even ask himself the question which was a crime! Meanwhile he must get rid of this faint suspicion, improbable as it was, utterly and forever. He craved for light, for certainty—he must win absolute security in his heart, for he loved no one in the world but his mother. And as he wandered alone through the darkness he would rack his memory and his reason with a minute search that should bring out the blazing truth. Then there would be an end to the matter; he would not think of it again—never. He would go and sleep.
No. He couldn't believe it; he couldn't even entertain the thought, which felt wrong! In the meantime, he had to shake off this faint suspicion, as unlikely as it was, completely and forever. He yearned for clarity, for certainty—he needed absolute peace of mind, because he loved no one in the world except his mother. As he wandered through the darkness alone, he would exhaust his memory and logic with a thorough search that would reveal the undeniable truth. Then it would be settled; he wouldn't think about it again—ever. He would just go to sleep.
He argued thus: “Let me see: first to examine the facts; then I will recall all I know about him, his behaviour to my brother and to me. I will seek out the causes which might have given rise to the preference. He knew Jean from his birth? Yes, but he had known me first. If he had loved my mother silently, unselfishly, he would surely have chosen me, since it was through me, through my scarlet fever, that he became so intimate with my parents. Logically, then, he ought to have preferred me, to have had a keener affection for me—unless it were that he felt an instinctive attraction and predilection for my brother as he watched him grow up.”
He argued like this: “Let me think: first, I’ll look at the facts; then I’ll remember everything I know about him, how he acted toward my brother and me. I’ll try to find the reasons behind his preference. He knew Jean since birth? Yes, but he knew me first. If he had loved my mother quietly and selflessly, he would have picked me, since it was because of me, through my scarlet fever, that he got so close to my parents. So, logically, he should have preferred me, had a stronger affection for me—unless he felt an instinctive attraction and favor for my brother as he watched him grow up.”
Then, with desperate tension of brain and of all the powers of his intellect, he strove to reconstitute from memory the image of this Maréchal, to see him, to know him, to penetrate the man whom he had seen pass by him, indifferent to his heart during all those years in Paris.
Then, with a frantic focus of his mind and all his mental strength, he struggled to piece together from memory the image of this Maréchal, to see him, to understand him, to get inside the mind of the man who had walked past him, oblivious to his feelings all those years in Paris.
But he perceived that the slight exertion of walking somewhat disturbed his ideas, dislocated their continuity, weakened their precision, clouded his recollection. To enable him to look at the past and at unknown events with so keen an eye that nothing should escape it, he must be motionless in a vast and empty space. And he made up his mind to go and sit on the jetty as he had done that other night. As he approached the harbour he heard, out at sea, a lugubrious and sinister wail like the bellowing of a bull, but more long-drawn and steady. It was the roar of a fog-horn, the cry of a ship lost in the fog. A shiver ran through him, chilling his heart; so deeply did this cry of distress thrill his soul and nerves that he felt as if he had uttered it himself. Another and a similar voice answered with such another moan, but farther away; then, close by, the fog-horn on the pier gave out a fearful sound in answer. Pierre made for the jetty with long steps, thinking no more of anything, content to walk on into this ominous and bellowing darkness.
But he noticed that the slight effort of walking disrupted his thoughts, broke their flow, dulled their clarity, and muddled his memory. To see the past and unknown events with such sharpness that nothing slipped by, he needed to be still in an open, empty space. So, he decided to go sit on the jetty like he had done that other night. As he got close to the harbor, he heard a mournful and eerie wail from out at sea, like the bellowing of a bull, but longer and more persistent. It was the sound of a foghorn, the cry of a ship lost in the fog. A chill ran through him, unsettling his heart; the distressing sound resonated so deeply within him that he felt as if he had voiced it himself. Another similar voice echoed back with a distant moan, and then, nearby, the foghorn on the pier responded with a terrifying sound. Pierre strode toward the jetty, lost in thought, just willing to walk into the ominous, roaring darkness.
When he had seated himself at the end of the breakwater he closed his eyes, that he might not see the two electric lights, now blurred by the fog, which make the harbour accessible at night, and the red glare of the light on the south pier, which was, however, scarcely visible. Turning half-round, he rested his elbows on the granite and hid his face in his hands.
When he sat down at the end of the breakwater, he closed his eyes so he wouldn’t have to see the two electric lights, now hazy from the fog, that make the harbor navigable at night, along with the faint red glow from the light on the south pier, which was barely visible. Turning slightly, he rested his elbows on the granite and buried his face in his hands.
Though he did not pronounce the words with his lips, his mind kept repeating: “Maréchal—Maréchal,” as if to raise and challenge the shade. And on the black background of his closed eyelids, he suddenly saw him as he had known him: a man of about sixty, with a white beard cut in a point and very thick eyebrows, also white. He was neither tall nor short, his manner was pleasant, his eyes gray and soft, his movements gentle, his whole appearance that of a good fellow, simple and kindly. He called Pierre and Jean “my dear children,” and had never seemed to prefer either, asking them both together to dine with him. And then Pierre, with the pertinacity of a dog seeking a lost scent, tried to recall the words, gestures, tones, looks, of this man who had vanished from the world. By degrees he saw him quite clearly in his rooms in the Rue Tronchet, where he received his brother and himself at dinner.
Though he didn’t say the words out loud, his mind kept repeating: “Maréchal—Maréchal,” as if to summon and confront the spirit. And against the dark backdrop of his closed eyelids, he suddenly visualized him as he had known him: a man around sixty, with a pointed white beard and very thick white eyebrows. He was neither tall nor short, his demeanor was friendly, his eyes gray and gentle, his movements soft, and his entire presence that of a good-natured, straightforward person. He referred to Pierre and Jean as “my dear children,” and never seemed to favor either one, inviting them both to join him for dinner. Then Pierre, with the persistence of a dog tracking a lost scent, tried to remember the words, gestures, tones, and expressions of this man who had disappeared from the world. Gradually, he envisioned him clearly in his apartment on Rue Tronchet, where he had hosted his brother and him for dinner.
He was waited on by two maids, both old women who had been in the habit—a very old one, no doubt—of saying “Monsieur Pierre” and “Monsieur Jean.” Maréchal would hold out both hands, the right hand to one of the young men, the left to the other, as they happened to come in.
He was attended to by two maids, both elderly women who were used to—very much so, without a doubt—saying “Monsieur Pierre” and “Monsieur Jean.” Maréchal would extend both hands, the right hand to one of the young men and the left to the other, as they happened to come in.
“How are you, my children?” he would say. “Have you any news of your parents? As for me, they never write to me.”
“How are you, my kids?” he would say. “Have you heard from your parents? They never write to me.”
The talk was quiet and intimate, of commonplace matters. There was nothing remarkable in the man’s mind, but much that was winning, charming, and gracious. He had certainly been a good friend to them, one of those good friends of whom we think the less because we feel sure of them.
The conversation was calm and personal, focusing on ordinary topics. The man's thoughts weren’t extraordinary, but he had a lot of appealing, charming, and kind attributes. He had definitely been a great friend to them, one of those reliable friends we often take for granted because we trust them completely.
Now, reminiscences came readily to Pierre’s mind. Having seen him anxious from time to time, and suspecting his student’s impecuniousness, Maréchal had of his own accord offered and lent him money, a few hundred francs perhaps, forgotten by both, and never repaid. Then this man must always have been fond of him, always have taken an interest in him, since he thought of his needs. Well then—well then—why leave his whole fortune to Jean? No, he had never shown more marked affection for the younger than for the elder, had never been more interested in one than in the other, or seemed to care more tenderly for this one or that one. Well then—well then—he must have had some strong secret reason for leaving everything to Jean—everything—and nothing to Pierre.
Now, memories easily came to Pierre’s mind. Having noticed him anxious at times and suspecting his student was short on cash, Maréchal had voluntarily offered and lent him money, maybe a few hundred francs, which had been forgotten by both and never repaid. So this man must have always cared for him, always taken an interest in him since he considered his needs. Well then—well then—why leave his entire fortune to Jean? No, he had never shown more affection for the younger one than for the elder, had never been more interested in one over the other, or seemed to care more for this one or that one. Well then—well then—there must have been some strong secret reason for leaving everything to Jean—everything—and nothing to Pierre.
The more he thought, the more he recalled the past few years, the more extraordinary, the more incredible was it that he should have made such a difference between them. And an agonizing pang of unspeakable anguish piercing his bosom made his heart beat like a fluttering rag. Its springs seemed broken, and the blood rushed through in a flood, unchecked, tossing it with wild surges.
The more he thought about the last few years, the more extraordinary and incredible it seemed that he had created such a divide between them. A painful wave of unbearable sorrow hit him, making his heart race like a fluttering rag. It felt like its springs were broken, and the blood surged through uncontrollably, crashing with wild waves.
Then in an undertone, as a man speaks in a nightmare, he muttered: “I must know. My God! I must know.”
Then in a low voice, like a man talks in a nightmare, he murmured, “I need to know. Oh my God! I need to know.”
He looked further back now, to an earlier time, when his parents had lived in Paris. But the faces escaped him, and this confused his recollections. He struggled above all to see Maréchal, with light, or brown, or black hair. But he could not; the later image, his face as an old man, blotted out all others. However, he remembered that he had been slighter, and had a soft hand, and that he often brought flowers. Very often—for his father would constantly say: “What, another bouquet! But this is madness, my dear fellow; you will ruin yourself in roses.” And Maréchal would say: “No matter; I like it.”
He looked back now, to an earlier time when his parents had lived in Paris. But the faces eluded him, and that threw off his memories. He especially tried to picture Maréchal, whether he had light, brown, or black hair. But he couldn’t; the later image of him as an old man overshadowed all the others. Still, he remembered that he had been slimmer, had soft hands, and that he often brought flowers. A lot, actually—because his father would always say, “What, another bouquet! This is crazy, my dear fellow; you’re going to spend all your money on roses.” And Maréchal would reply, “No worries; I like it.”
And suddenly his mother’s voice and accent, his mother’s as she smiled and said: “Thank you, my kind friend,” flashed on his brain, so clearly that he could have believed he heard her. She must have spoken those words very often that they should remain thus graven on her son’s memory.
And suddenly his mother’s voice and accent, her smiling words, “Thank you, my kind friend,” came to his mind so clearly that he could almost believe he heard her. She must have said those words so many times that they were etched in her son’s memory.
So Maréchal brought flowers; he, the gentleman, the rich man, the customer, to the humble shop-keeper, the jeweller’s wife. Had he loved her? Why should he have made friends with these tradespeople if he had not been in love with the wife? He was a man of education and fairly refined tastes. How many a time had he discussed poets and poetry with Pierre. He did not appreciate these writers from an artistic point of view, but with sympathetic and responsive feeling. The doctor had often smiled at his emotions which had struck him as rather silly, now he plainly saw that this sentimental soul could never, never have been the friend of his father, who was so matter-of-fact, so narrow, so heavy, to whom the word “Poetry” meant idiocy.
So Maréchal brought flowers; he, the gentleman, the wealthy man, the customer, to the humble shopkeeper, the jeweler’s wife. Had he loved her? Why else would he have befriended these tradespeople if it wasn't for his feelings for the wife? He was a well-educated man with fairly refined tastes. How many times had he talked about poets and poetry with Pierre? He didn't appreciate these writers purely from an artistic perspective, but with empathy and understanding. The doctor often chuckled at his emotions, which seemed rather silly, but now he clearly saw that this sentimental person could never, ever have been friends with his father, who was so practical, so narrow-minded, so heavy-handed; to whom the word “Poetry” meant nonsense.
This Maréchal then, being young, free, rich, ready for any form of tenderness, went by chance into the shop one day, having perhaps observed its pretty mistress. He had bought something, had come again, had chatted, more intimately each time, paying by frequent purchases for the right of a seat in the family, of smiling at the young wife and shaking hands with the husband.
This young, wealthy Maréchal, open to any kind of affection, happened to walk into the shop one day, maybe because he had noticed its attractive owner. He bought something, returned a few times, and began to chat more personally each time, earning his place in the family by making frequent purchases, smiling at the young wife, and shaking hands with the husband.
And what next—what next—good God—what next?
And what's next—what's next—oh my God—what's next?
He had loved and petted the first child, the jeweller’s child, till the second was born; then, till death, he had remained impenetrable; and when his grave was closed, his flesh dust, his name erased from the list of the living, when he himself was quiet and forever gone, having nothing to scheme for, to dread or to hide, he had given his whole fortune to the second child! Why?
He had cared for and cherished the first child, the jeweler’s child, until the second was born; from then on, he had remained distant until his death. After his grave was sealed, his body turned to dust, and his name wiped from the living, when he himself was at peace and gone forever, without anything left to plan, fear, or conceal, he had left all his wealth to the second child! Why?
The man had all his wits; he must have understood and foreseen that he might, that he almost infallibly must, give grounds for the supposition that the child was his. He was casting obloquy on a woman. How could he have done this if Jean were not his son?
The man was fully aware; he must have understood and anticipated that he might, that he almost certainly would, give reasons for people to think that the child was his. He was damaging a woman's reputation. How could he have done this if Jean wasn't his son?
And suddenly a clear and fearful recollection shot through his brain. Maréchal was fair—fair like Jean. He now remembered a little miniature portrait he had seen formerly in Paris, on the drawing-room chimney-shelf, and which had since disappeared. Where was it? Lost, or hidden away? Oh, if he could but have it in his hand for one minute! His mother kept it perhaps in the unconfessed drawer where love-tokens were treasured.
And suddenly a clear and unsettling memory flashed through his mind. Maréchal was fair—just like Jean. He now recalled a small portrait he had seen before in Paris, on the living room mantel, which had since vanished. Where was it? Lost or tucked away? Oh, if only he could hold it in his hands for just one minute! His mother probably kept it in the secret drawer where she stored keepsakes of affection.
His misery in this thought was so intense that he uttered a groan, one of those brief moans wrung from the breast by a too intolerable pang. And immediately, as if it had heard him, as if it had understood and answered him, the fog-horn on the pier bellowed out close to him. Its voice, like that of a fiendish monster, more resonant than thunder—a savage and appalling roar contrived to drown the clamour of the wind and waves—spread through the darkness, across the sea, which was invisible under its shroud of fog. And again, through the mist, far and near, responsive cries went up to the night. They were terrifying, these calls given forth by the great blind steam-ships.
His misery at this thought was so intense that he let out a groan, one of those short moans that come from deep sorrow. And right then, as if it had heard him, as if it understood and responded, the foghorn on the pier blared out nearby. Its sound, like that of a monstrous creature, more resonant than thunder—a savage and chilling roar designed to drown out the noise of the wind and waves—echoed through the darkness, across the sea, which was hidden under a veil of fog. And again, through the mist, near and far, responding cries rose to the night. They were terrifying, these sounds coming from the great blind steamships.
Then all was silent once more.
Then everything went quiet again.
Pierre had opened his eyes and was looking about him, startled to find himself here, roused from his nightmare.
Pierre had opened his eyes and was looking around, startled to find himself here, jolted awake from his nightmare.
“I am mad,” thought he, “I suspect my mother.” And a surge of love and emotion, of repentance, and prayer, and grief, welled up in his heart. His mother! Knowing her as he knew her, how could he ever have suspected her? Was not the soul, was not the life of this simple-minded, chaste, and loyal woman clearer than water? Could any one who had seen and known her ever think of her but as above suspicion? And he, her son, had doubted her! Oh, if he could but have taken her in his arms at that moment, how he would have kissed and caressed her, and gone on his knees to crave pardon.
“I’m crazy,” he thought. “I suspect my mom.” And a wave of love and emotion, remorse, prayer, and grief flooded his heart. His mom! Knowing her as he did, how could he have ever doubted her? Wasn't the spirit, the life of this simple, pure, and loyal woman clearer than water? Could anyone who had seen and known her ever think of her as anything but beyond suspicion? And he, her son, had questioned her! Oh, if only he could have taken her in his arms at that moment, how he would have kissed and embraced her, and knelt down to ask for forgiveness.
Would she have deceived his father—she?
Would she have tricked his father—her?
His father!—A very worthy man, no doubt, upright and honest in business, but with a mind which had never gone beyond the horizon of his shop. How was it that this woman, who must have been very pretty—as he knew, and it could still be seen—gifted, too, with a delicate, tender emotional soul, could have accepted a man so unlike herself as a suitor and a husband? Why inquire? She had married, as young French girls do marry, the youth with a little fortune proposed to her by their relations. They had settled at once in their shop in the Rue Montmartre; and the young wife, ruling over the desk, inspired by the feeling of a new home, and the subtle and sacred sense of interests in common which fills the place of love, and even of regard, by the domestic hearth of most of the commercial houses of Paris, had set to work, with all her superior and active intelligence, to make the fortune they hoped for. And so her life had flowed on, uniform, peaceful and respectable, but loveless.
His father!—A very decent man, no doubt, honest and straightforward in business, but with a mindset that never extended beyond the boundaries of his shop. How could this woman, who must have been very attractive—as he knew, and it was still obvious—blessed with a delicate and tender emotional nature, have accepted a man so different from her as a partner and husband? Why ask? She married, like many young French girls do, the young man with a small fortune suggested by their families. They quickly settled in their shop on Rue Montmartre; and the young wife, managing the front desk, inspired by the feeling of a new home and the subtle yet sacred sense of shared interests that often fills the void left by love, and even affection, in the domestic spaces of most commercial establishments in Paris, set out using all her sharp and energetic intellect to build the fortune they dreamed of. And so her life continued, uniform, peaceful, and respectable, but devoid of love.
Loveless?—was it possible then that a woman should not love? That a young and pretty woman, living in Paris, reading books, applauding actresses for dying of passion on the stage, could live from youth to old age without once feeling her heart touched? He would not believe it of any one else; why should she be different from all others, though she was his mother?
Loveless?—was it really possible for a woman not to love? That a young and attractive woman, living in Paris, reading books, cheering for actresses who died of passion on stage, could go from youth to old age without ever feeling her heart stir? He couldn’t believe it of anyone else; why should she be different from everyone, just because she was his mother?
She had been young, with all the poetic weaknesses which agitate the heart of a young creature. Shut up, imprisoned in the shop, by the side of a vulgar husband who always talked of trade, she had dreamed of moonlight nights, of voyages, of kisses exchanged in the shades of evening. And then, one day a man had come in, as lovers do in books, and had talked as they talk.
She was young, filled with all the emotional vulnerabilities that stir the heart of a young person. Trapped in the shop, next to a boring husband who only talked about business, she dreamed of moonlit nights, adventures, and kisses shared in the twilight. Then, one day a man walked in, just like they do in stories, and talked like they do.
She had loved him. Why not? She was his mother. What then? Must a man be blind and stupid to the point of rejecting evidence because it concerns his mother? But did she give herself to him? Why yes, since this man had had no other love, since he had remained faithful to her when she was far away and growing old. Why yes, since he had left all his fortune to his son—their son!
She had loved him. Why not? She was his mother. So what? Does a man have to be blind and foolish enough to ignore the truth just because it involves his mom? But did she devote herself to him? Of course, since this man had no other love, and he stayed loyal to her while she was away and aging. Of course, since he had left all his wealth to his son—their son!
And Pierre started to his feet, quivering with such rage that he longed to kill some one. With his arm outstretched, his hand wide open, he wanted to hit, to bruise, to smash, to strangle! Whom? Every one; his father, his brother, the dead man, his mother!
And Pierre jumped to his feet, shaking with such anger that he wanted to hurt someone. With his arm stretched out and his hand wide open, he wanted to hit, to bruise, to smash, to strangle! Who? Everyone; his father, his brother, the dead man, his mother!
He hurried off homeward. What was he going to do?
He rushed home. What was he going to do?
As he passed a turret close to the signal mast the strident howl of the fog-horn went off in his very face. He was so startled that he nearly fell and shrank back as far as the granite parapet. He sat down half-stunned by the sudden shock. The steamer which was the first to reply seemed to be quite near and was already at the entrance, the tide having risen.
As he walked past a turret next to the signal mast, the loud blast of the foghorn went off right in his face. He was so surprised that he almost fell back and hurried away from the granite wall. He sat down, still a bit dazed by the sudden noise. The steamer that was the first to respond sounded like it was really close and was already at the entrance, with the tide having come in.
Pierre turned round and could discern its red eye dim through the fog. Then, in the broad light of the electric lanterns, a huge black shadow crept up between the piers. Behind him the voice of the look-out man, the hoarse voice of an old retired sea-captain, shouted:
Pierre turned around and could see its red eye glowing faintly through the fog. Then, in the bright light of the electric lanterns, a massive black shadow crept up between the piers. Behind him, the lookout's voice, the raspy voice of an old retired sea captain, shouted:
“What ship?” And out of the fog the voice of the pilot standing on deck—not less hoarse—replied:
“What ship?” And from the fog, the pilot’s voice from the deck replied, sounding just as raspy:
“The Santa Lucia.”
“Santa Lucia.”
“Where from?”
"Where are you from?"
“Italy.”
“Italy.”
“What port?”
“Which port?”
“Naples.”
"Naples."
And before Pierre’s bewildered eyes rose, as he fancied, the fiery pennon of Vesuvius, while, at the foot of the volcano, fire-flies danced in the orange-groves of Sorrento or Castellamare. How often had he dreamed of these familiar names as if he knew the scenery. Oh, if he might but go away, now at once, never mind whither, and never come back, never write, never let any one know what had become of him! But no, he must go home—home to his father’s house, and go to bed.
And before Pierre’s confused eyes appeared, as he imagined, the blazing flag of Vesuvius, while, at the base of the volcano, fireflies danced in the orange groves of Sorrento or Castellamare. How many times had he dreamed of these familiar names as if he knew the landscape. Oh, if only he could leave right now, no matter where to, and never come back, never write, never let anyone know what had happened to him! But no, he had to go home—home to his father’s house, and then go to bed.
He would not. Come what might he would not go in; he would stay there till daybreak. He liked the roar of the fog-horns. He pulled himself together and began to walk up and down like an officer on watch.
He wouldn’t. No matter what happened, he wasn’t going in; he would stay there until dawn. He liked the sound of the fog horns. He gathered himself and started pacing back and forth like a guard on duty.
Another vessel was coming in behind the other, huge and mysterious. An English India-man, homeward bound.
Another ship was approaching behind the other, large and intriguing. An English India-man, on its way home.
He saw several more come in, one after another, out of the impenetrable vapour. Then, as the damp became quite intolerable, Pierre set out towards the town. He was so cold that he went into a sailors’ tavern to drink a glass of grog, and when the hot and pungent liquor had scorched his mouth and throat he felt a hope revive within him.
He saw several more come in, one after another, out of the thick fog. Then, as the damp became really unbearable, Pierre headed towards the town. He was so cold that he went into a sailors’ bar to have a glass of grog, and when the hot and strong drink burned his mouth and throat, he felt a spark of hope come back to life within him.
Perhaps he was mistaken. He knew his own vagabond unreason so well! No doubt he was mistaken. He had piled up the evidence as a charge is drawn up against an innocent person, whom it is always so easy to convict when we wish to think him guilty. When he should have slept he would think differently.
Perhaps he was wrong. He understood his own wandering reasoning so well! No doubt he was wrong. He had gathered the evidence like a case built against an innocent person, who is always so easy to convict when we want to see them as guilty. When he should have been asleep, he would think differently.
Then he went in and to bed, and by sheer force of will he at last dropped asleep.
Then he went to bed, and with sheer determination, he finally fell asleep.
CHAPTER V
But the doctor’s frame lay scarcely more than an hour or two in the torpor of troubled slumbers. When he awoke in the darkness of his warm, closed room he was aware, even before thought was awake in him, of the painful oppression, the sickness of heart which the sorrow we have slept on leaves behind it. It is as though the disaster of which the shock merely jarred us at first, had, during sleep, stolen into our very flesh, bruising and exhausting it like a fever. Memory returned to him like a blow, and he sat up in bed. Then slowly, one by one, he again went through all the arguments which had wrung his heart on the jetty while the fog-horns were bellowing. The more he thought the less he doubted. He felt himself dragged along by his logic to the inevitable certainty, as by a clutching, strangling hand.
But the doctor's body rested for barely an hour or two in the daze of restless sleep. When he woke up in the darkness of his warm, closed room, he sensed, even before fully waking up, the heavy weight, the sick feeling in his heart that sorrow leaves behind. It was as if the shock of the disaster that had only startled him at first had, during sleep, sneaked into his very being, bruising and draining him like a fever. Memories hit him hard, and he sat up in bed. Then slowly, one by one, he went through all the arguments that had tormented him on the jetty while the foghorns were blaring. The more he thought, the less he doubted. He felt himself being pulled along by his reasoning to the unavoidable truth, like being gripped by a tight, suffocating hand.
He was thirsty and hot, his heart beat wildly. He got up to open his window and breathe the fresh air, and as he stood there a low sound fell on his ear through the wall. Jean was sleeping peacefully, and gently snoring. He could sleep! He had no presentiment, no suspicions! A man who had known their mother had left him all his fortune; he took the money and thought it quite fair and natural! He was sleeping, rich and contented, not knowing that his brother was gasping with anguish and distress. And rage boiled up in him against this heedless and happy sleeper.
He was thirsty and hot, his heart racing. He got up to open his window and take in the fresh air, and as he stood there, a low sound reached his ears from the other side of the wall. Jean was sleeping peacefully, softly snoring. He could actually sleep! He had no sense of foreboding, no suspicions! A man who had known their mother had left him all his fortune; he accepted the money and thought it was totally fair and natural! He was sleeping, rich and content, completely unaware that his brother was struggling with anguish and distress. And a wave of anger surged in him towards this oblivious and happy sleeper.
Only yesterday he would have knocked at his door, have gone in, and sitting by the bed, would have said to Jean, scared by the sudden waking:
Only yesterday he would have knocked on his door, walked in, and sitting by the bed, would have said to Jean, startled by the sudden waking:
“Jean you must not keep this legacy which by to-morrow may have brought suspicion and dishonour on our mother.”
“Jean, you can't keep this legacy that by tomorrow might bring suspicion and dishonor on our mother.”
But to-day he could say nothing; he could not tell Jean that he did not believe him to be their father’s son. Now he must guard, must bury the shame he had discovered, hide from every eye the stain which he had detected and which no one must perceive, not even his brother—especially not his brother.
But today he couldn’t say anything; he couldn’t tell Jean that he didn’t believe he was their father’s son. Now he had to protect, had to bury the shame he had found, hide from every eye the stain he had noticed and which no one must see, not even his brother—especially not his brother.
He no longer thought about the vain respect of public opinion. He would have been glad that all the world should accuse his mother if only he, he alone, knew her to be innocent! How could he bear to live with her every day, believing as he looked at her that his brother was the child of a stranger’s love?
He no longer cared about the empty approval of public opinion. He would have been happy for everyone to blame his mother if only he, just he, knew she was innocent! How could he stand to live with her every day, thinking as he looked at her that his brother was the child of someone else's love?
And how calm and serene she was, nevertheless, how sure of herself she always seemed! Was it possible that such a woman as she, pure of soul and upright in heart, should fall, dragged astray by passion, and yet nothing ever appear afterward of her remorse and the stings of a troubled conscience? Ah, but remorse must have tortured her, long ago in the earlier days, and then have faded out, as everything fades. She had surely bewailed her sin, and then, little by little, had almost forgotten it. Have not all women, all, this fault of prodigious forgetfulness which enables them, after a few years, hardly to recognise the man to whose kisses they have given their lips? The kiss strikes like a thunderbolt, the love passes away like a storm, and then life, like the sky, is calm once more, and begins again as it was before. Do we ever remember a cloud?
And how calm and serene she was, yet how confident she always seemed! Could it be that a woman like her, pure in heart and upright in spirit, could fall, led astray by passion, and yet never show any signs of remorse or a troubled conscience afterward? Ah, but remorse must have tormented her, long ago in the early days, and then faded away, like everything does. She had definitely mourned her sin, and then, little by little, had almost forgotten it. Don't all women have this incredible ability to forget which allows them, after a few years, to barely recognize the man whose kisses they once welcomed? The kiss hits like a lightning bolt, love fades like a storm, and then life, like the sky, is calm again and starts over just like it did before. Do we ever really remember a cloud?
Pierre could no longer endure to stay in the room! This house, his father’s house, crushed him. He felt the roof weigh on his head, and the walls suffocate him. And as he was very thirsty he lighted his candle to go to drink a glass of fresh water from the filter in the kitchen.
Pierre could no longer stand being in the room! This house, his father's house, suffocated him. He felt the roof press down on his head, and the walls close in on him. Feeling very thirsty, he lit his candle to go get a glass of fresh water from the filter in the kitchen.
He went down the two flights of stairs; then, as he was coming up again with the water-bottle filled, he sat down, in his night-shirt, on a step of the stairs where there was a draught, and drank, without a tumbler, in long pulls like a runner who is out of breath. When he ceased to move the silence of the house touched his feelings; then, one by one, he could distinguish the faintest sounds. First there was the ticking of the clock in the dining-room which seemed to grow louder every second. Then he heard another snore, an old man’s snore, short, laboured, and hard, his father beyond doubt; and he writhed at the idea, as if it had but this moment sprung upon him, that these two men, sleeping under the same room—father and son—were nothing to each other! Not a tie, not the very slightest, bound them together, and they did not know it! They spoke to each other affectionately, they embraced each other, they rejoiced and lamented together over the same things, just as if the same blood flowed in their veins. And two men born at opposite ends of the earth could not be more alien to each other than this father and son. They believed they loved each other, because a lie had grown up between them. This paternal love, this filial love, were the outcome of a lie—a lie which could not be unmasked, and which no one would ever know but he, the true son.
He went down the two flights of stairs; then, as he was coming back up with the water bottle filled, he sat down, in his nightshirt, on a step of the stairs where there was a draft, and drank, without a glass, in long gulps like a runner who is out of breath. When he stopped moving, the silence of the house hit him; then, one by one, he could make out the faintest sounds. First, there was the ticking of the clock in the dining room, which seemed to get louder with each second. Then he heard another snore, an old man's snore, short, labored, and loud—his father without a doubt; and he recoiled at the thought, as if it had just occurred to him, that these two men, sleeping under the same roof—father and son—were nothing to each other! Not a single connection, not even the slightest, tied them together, and they didn’t even realize it! They spoke to each other warmly, they hugged, they shared joys and sorrows over the same things, just as if the same blood ran in their veins. And two men born at opposite ends of the earth could not be more distant from each other than this father and son. They thought they loved each other because a lie had formed between them. This paternal love, this filial love, was the result of a lie—a lie that could not be exposed, and that no one would ever know but he, the true son.
But yet, but yet—if he were mistaken? How could he make sure? Oh, if only some likeness, however slight, could be traced between his father and Jean, one of those mysterious resemblances which run from an ancestor to the great-great-grandson, showing that the whole race are the offspring of the same embrace. To him, a medical man, so little would suffice to enable him to discern this—the curve of a nostril, the space between the eyes, the character of the teeth or hair; nay less—a gesture, a trick, a habit, an inherited taste, any mark or token which a practised eye might recognise as characteristic.
But still—what if he was wrong? How could he be sure? Oh, if only there was some resemblance, no matter how small, linking his father and Jean, one of those mysterious traits that get passed down from ancestor to great-great-grandson, showing that the entire lineage comes from the same source. For him, as a medical professional, even the smallest detail would be enough to help him recognize this—the shape of a nostril, the distance between the eyes, the texture of the teeth or hair; or even less—a gesture, a quirk, a habit, a family preference, any sign or clue that a trained eye might identify as telling.
He thought long, but could remember nothing; no, nothing. But he had looked carelessly, observed badly, having no reason for spying such imperceptible indications.
He thought for a long time but couldn’t remember anything; no, nothing at all. But he had looked carelessly and observed poorly, without any reason to pay attention to such subtle hints.
He got up to go back to his room and mounted the stairs with a slow step, still lost in thought. As he passed the door of his brother’s room he stood stock still, his hand put out to open it. An imperative need had just come over him to see Jean at once, to look at him at his leisure, to surprise him in his sleep, while the calm countenance and relaxed features were at rest and all the grimace of life put off. Thus he might catch the dormant secret of his physiognomy, and if any appreciable likeness existed it would not escape him.
He got up to head back to his room and climbed the stairs slowly, still deep in thought. As he passed his brother’s room, he stopped suddenly, his hand reaching out to open the door. An urgent need had just overwhelmed him to see Jean right away, to look at him calmly, to catch him while he slept, where his peaceful expression and relaxed face were at ease and all the stress of life was set aside. This way, he might uncover the hidden truth of his features, and if there was any noticeable resemblance, he wouldn’t miss it.
But supposing Jean were to wake, what could he say? How could he explain this intrusion?
But if Jean were to wake up, what could he say? How could he explain this intrusion?
He stood still, his fingers clinched on the door-handle, trying to devise a reason, an excuse. Then he remembered that a week ago he had lent his brother a phial of laudanum to relieve a fit of toothache. He might himself have been in pain this night and have come to find the drug. So he went in with a stealthy step, like a robber. Jean, his mouth open, was sunk in deep, animal slumbers. His beard and fair hair made a golden patch on the white linen; he did not wake, but he ceased snoring.
He stood still, his fingers gripping the door handle, trying to come up with a reason or excuse. Then he remembered that a week ago he had lent his brother a bottle of laudanum to help with a bad toothache. He could have been in pain himself tonight and come to find the medicine. So he entered quietly, like a thief. Jean, with his mouth open, was deep in a heavy sleep. His beard and fair hair created a golden patch on the white sheets; he didn’t wake up, but he stopped snoring.
Pierre, leaning over him, gazed at him with hungry eagerness. No, this youngster was not in the least like Roland; and for the second time the recollection of the little portrait of Maréchal, which had vanished, recurred to his mind. He must find it! When he should see it perhaps he should cease to doubt!
Pierre, leaning over him, looked at him with intense eagerness. No, this kid was nothing like Roland; and for the second time, he remembered the little portrait of Maréchal that had disappeared. He had to find it! Once he saw it, maybe he would stop doubting!
His brother stirred, conscious no doubt of a presence, or disturbed by the light of the taper on his eyelids. The doctor retired on tip-toe to the door which he noiselessly closed; then he went back to his room, but not to bed again.
His brother stirred, likely aware of a presence or bothered by the light of the candle on his eyelids. The doctor quietly tiptoed to the door, which he closed silently; then he returned to his room, but he didn’t go back to bed.
Day was long in coming. The hours struck one after another on the dining-room clock, and its tone was a deep and solemn one, as though the little piece of clockwork had swallowed a cathedral-bell. The sound rose through the empty staircase, penetrating through walls and doors, and dying away in the rooms where it fell on the torpid ears of the sleeping household. Pierre had taken to walking to and fro between his bed and the window. What was he going to do? He was too much upset to spend this day at home. He wanted still to be alone, at any rate till the next day, to reflect, to compose himself, to strengthen himself for the common every-day life which he must take up again.
The day took forever to arrive. The hours ticked by one after another on the dining-room clock, its sound deep and solemn, almost like it had swallowed a church bell. The sound echoed through the empty staircase, cutting through walls and doors, fading away into the rooms where it landed on the sleepy ears of the household. Pierre had started pacing back and forth between his bed and the window. What was he going to do? He felt too upset to spend the day at home. He wanted to be alone, at least until the next day, to think, to collect himself, to prepare for the everyday life he would have to face again.
Well, he would go over to Trouville to see the swarming crowd on the sands. That would amuse him, change the air of his thoughts, and give him time to inure himself to the horrible thing he had discovered. As soon as morning dawned he made his toilet and dressed. The fog had vanished and it was fine, very fine. As the boat for Trouville did not start till nine, it struck the doctor that he must greet his mother before starting.
Well, he would head over to Trouville to observe the bustling crowd on the beach. That would entertain him, shift his mindset, and give him time to prepare himself for the terrible thing he had uncovered. As soon as morning broke, he got ready and dressed. The fog had lifted, and it was beautiful, really beautiful. Since the boat to Trouville didn’t leave until nine, the doctor thought he should see his mother before he left.
He waited till the hour at which she was accustomed to get up, and then went downstairs. His heart beat so violently as he touched her door that he paused for breath. His hand as it lay on the lock was limp and tremulous, almost incapable of the slight effort of turning the handle to open it. He knocked. His mother’s voice inquired:
He waited until the time she usually got up, and then headed downstairs. His heart raced so hard as he touched her door that he had to stop for a moment to catch his breath. His hand resting on the lock felt weak and shaky, almost unable to make the small effort to turn the handle and open it. He knocked. His mom’s voice asked:
“Who is there?”
"Who's there?"
“I—Pierre.”
“I—Pierre.”
“What do you want?”
"What do you need?"
“Only to say good-morning, because I am going to spend the day at Trouville with some friends.”
“Just wanted to say good morning because I’m heading to Trouville for the day with some friends.”
“But I am still in bed.”
“But I'm still in bed.”
“Very well, do not disturb yourself. I shall see you this evening, when I come in.”
“Alright, don’t worry about it. I’ll see you tonight when I get in.”
He hoped to get off without seeing her, without pressing on her cheek the false kiss which it made his heart sick to think of. But she replied:
He hoped to avoid seeing her and spare her the fake kiss that made him feel nauseous just thinking about it. But she replied:
“No. Wait a moment. I will let you in. Wait till I get into bed again.”
“No. Hold on a second. I’ll let you in. Just wait until I get back in bed.”
He heard her bare feet on the floor and the sound of the bolt drawn back. Then she called out:
He heard her bare feet on the floor and the sound of the bolt being slid back. Then she called out:
“Come in.”
"Come in."
He went in. She was sitting up in bed, while, by her side, Roland, with a silk handkerchief by way of night-cap and his face to the wall, still lay sleeping. Nothing ever woke him but a shaking hard enough to pull his arm off. On the days when he went fishing it was Joséphine, rung up by Papagris at the hour fixed, who roused her master from his stubborn slumbers.
He walked in. She was sitting up in bed, while, beside her, Roland, using a silk handkerchief as a nightcap and facing the wall, was still asleep. Nothing ever woke him except a shake strong enough to pull his arm off. On the days he went fishing, it was Joséphine, called by Papagris at the scheduled time, who brought her master out of his deep sleep.
Pierre, as he went towards his mother, looked at her with a sudden sense of never having seen her before. She held up her face, he kissed each cheek, and then sat down in a low chair.
Pierre, as he walked over to his mom, looked at her with a sudden feeling of never having seen her before. She lifted her face, he kissed each cheek, and then sat down in a low chair.
“It was last evening that you decided on this excursion?” she asked.
“It was last night that you decided on this trip?” she asked.
“Yes, last evening.”
“Yeah, last night.”
“Will you return to dinner?”
"Are you coming back for dinner?"
“I do not know. At any rate do not wait for me.”
“I don't know. Either way, don't wait for me.”
He looked at her with stupefied curiosity. This woman was his mother! All those features, seen daily from childhood, from the time when his eye could first distinguish things, that smile, that voice—so well known, so familiar—abruptly struck him as new, different from what they had always been to him hitherto. He understood now that, loving her, he had never looked at her. All the same it was very really she, and he knew every little detail of her face; still, it was the first time he clearly identified them all. His anxious attention, scrutinizing her face which he loved, recalled a difference, a physiognomy he had never before discerned.
He looked at her with stunned curiosity. This woman was his mother! All those features he had seen every day since childhood, from the time he could first recognize things, that smile, that voice—so known, so familiar—suddenly struck him as new, different from how they had always seemed to him before. He realized now that, despite loving her, he had never really looked at her. Still, it was truly her, and he knew every little detail of her face; it was just the first time he clearly identified them all. His anxious attention, examining the face he loved, brought to mind a difference, a look he had never noticed before.
He rose to go; then, suddenly yielding to the invincible longing to know which had been gnawing at him since yesterday, he said:
He got up to leave; then, suddenly giving in to the overwhelming desire to know that had been bothering him since yesterday, he said:
“By the way, I fancy I remember that you used to have, in Paris, a little portrait of Maréchal, in the drawing-room.”
“By the way, I think I remember that you used to have a small portrait of Maréchal in your living room in Paris.”
She hesitated for a second or two, or at least he fancied she hesitated; then she said:
She paused for a second or two, or at least he thought she did; then she said:
“To be sure.”
“Of course.”
“What has become of the portrait?”
“What happened to the painting?”
She might have replied more readily:
She might have responded more quickly:
“That portrait—stay; I don’t exactly know—perhaps it is in my desk.”
“That portrait—hold on; I’m not entirely sure—maybe it’s in my desk.”
“It would be kind of you to find it.”
“It would be nice of you to find it.”
“Yes, I will look for it. What do you want it for?”
“Yes, I'll look for it. What do you need it for?”
“Oh, it is not for myself. I thought it would be a natural thing to give it to Jean, and that he would be pleased to have it.”
“Oh, it’s not for me. I thought it would be natural to give it to Jean, and that he would be happy to have it.”
“Yes, you are right; that is a good idea. I will look for it, as soon as I am up.”
“Yes, you’re right; that’s a great idea. I’ll look for it as soon as I’m up.”
And he went out.
And he left.
It was a blue day without a breath of wind. The folks in the streets seemed in good spirits, the merchants going to business, the clerks going to their office, the girls going to their shop. Some sang as they went, exhilarated by the bright weather.
It was a clear blue day with hardly any wind. People in the streets looked happy, the merchants heading to work, the clerks on their way to the office, and the girls making their way to the shop. Some sang as they walked, energized by the lovely weather.
The passengers were already going on board the Trouville boat; Pierre took a seat aft on a wooden bench.
The passengers were already boarding the Trouville boat; Pierre sat down at the back on a wooden bench.
He asked himself:
He wondered:
“Now was she uneasy at my asking for the portrait or only surprised? Has she mislaid it, or has she hidden it? Does she know where it is, or does she not? If she had hidden it—why?”
“Now was she uncomfortable with me asking for the portrait or just surprised? Has she misplaced it, or has she put it away intentionally? Does she know where it is, or does she not? If she has hidden it—why?”
And his mind, still following up the same line of thought from one deduction to another, came to this conclusion:
And his mind, still following the same train of thought from one deduction to another, came to this conclusion:
That portrait—of a friend, of a lover, had remained in the drawing-room in a conspicuous place, till one day when the wife and mother perceived, first of all and before any one else, that it bore a likeness to her son. Without doubt she had for a long time been on the watch for this resemblance; then, having detected it, having noticed its beginnings, and understanding that any one might, any day, observe it too, she had one evening removed the perilous little picture and had hidden it, not daring to destroy it.
That portrait—of a friend, of a lover—had stayed in the living room in a noticeable spot until one day, the wife and mother realized, before anyone else, that it looked like her son. She had definitely been looking for this resemblance for a long time; then, after she noticed it, saw its beginnings, and understood that anyone could see it too at any moment, she removed the risky little picture one evening and hid it, not daring to destroy it.
Pierre recollected quite clearly now that it was long, long before they left Paris that the miniature had vanished. It had disappeared, he thought, about the time that Jean’s beard was beginning to grow, which had made him suddenly and wonderfully like the fair young man who smiled from the picture-frame.
Pierre remembered clearly now that it was a long time before they left Paris that the miniature had disappeared. He thought it vanished around the time Jean's beard was starting to grow, which made him suddenly and wonderfully resemble the handsome young man who smiled from the picture frame.
The motion of the boat as it put off disturbed and dissipated his meditations. He stood up and looked at the sea. The little steamer, once outside the piers, turned to the left, and puffing and snorting and quivering, made for a distant point visible through the morning haze. The red sail of a heavy fishing-bark, lying motionless on the level waters, looked like a large rock standing up out of the sea. And the Seine, rolling down from Rouen, seemed a wide inlet dividing two neighbouring lands. They reached the harbour of Trouville in less than an hour, and as it was the time of day when the world was bathing, Pierre went to the shore.
The movement of the boat as it set off interrupted his thoughts. He stood up and looked at the sea. The small steamer, once past the piers, turned left and, puffing, hissing, and trembling, headed toward a distant point visible through the morning fog. The red sail of a heavy fishing boat, lying still on the calm waters, looked like a big rock emerging from the sea. And the Seine, flowing down from Rouen, seemed like a wide inlet separating two nearby lands. They reached the harbor of Trouville in less than an hour, and since it was the time of day when people were swimming, Pierre headed to the shore.
From a distance it looked like a garden full of gaudy flowers. All along the stretch of yellow sand, from the pier as far as the Roches Noires, sun-shades of every hue, hats of every shape, dresses of every colour, in groups outside the bathing huts, in long rows by the margin of the waves, or scattered here and there, really looked like immense bouquets on a vast meadow. And the Babel of sounds—voices near and far ringing thin in the light atmosphere, shouts and cries of children being bathed, clear laughter of women—all made a pleasant, continuous din, mingling with the unheeding breeze, and breathed with the air itself.
From a distance, it looked like a garden full of bright flowers. All along the stretch of yellow sand, from the pier to Roches Noires, umbrellas of every color, hats of all shapes, dresses in every shade, were gathered outside the beach huts, lined up by the waves, or scattered around, really resembling huge bouquets in a vast field. The mix of sounds—voices near and far ringing lightly in the warm air, shouts and laughter of children splashing around, clear laughter from women—all created a pleasant, ongoing noise, blending with the carefree breeze and flowing with the air itself.
Pierre walked among all this throng, more lost, more remote from them, more isolated, more drowned in his torturing thoughts, than if he had been flung overboard from the deck of a ship a hundred miles from shore. He passed by them and heard a few sentences without listening; and he saw, without looking, how the men spoke to the women, and the women smiled at the men. Then, suddenly, as if he had awoke, he perceived them all; and hatred of them all surged up in his soul, for they seemed happy and content.
Pierre walked through the crowd, feeling more lost, more distant from them, more isolated, and more overwhelmed by his painful thoughts than if he had been thrown overboard from a ship a hundred miles from shore. He moved past them, catching a few conversations without really listening, and he noticed, without paying attention, how the men talked to the women and how the women smiled at the men. Then, all of a sudden, as if he had woken up, he saw them all clearly, and a wave of hatred for them filled his soul, because they appeared happy and content.
Now, as he went, he studied the groups, wandering round them full of a fresh set of ideas. All these many-hued dresses which covered the sands like nosegays, these pretty stuffs, those showy parasols, the fictitious grace of tightened waists, all the ingenious devices of fashion from the smart little shoe to the extravagant hat, the seductive charm of gesture, voice, and smile, all the coquettish airs in short displayed on this seashore, suddenly struck him as stupendous efflorescences of female depravity. All these bedizened women aimed at pleasing, bewitching, and deluding some man. They had dressed themselves out for men—for all men—all excepting the husband whom they no longer needed to conquer. They had dressed themselves out for the lover of yesterday and the lover of to-morrow, for the stranger they might meet and notice or were perhaps on the lookout for.
Now, as he walked, he took in the groups, moving around them filled with a new set of ideas. All those colorful dresses that covered the sand like bouquets, those lovely fabrics, those flashy parasols, the fake elegance of tight waists, all the clever tricks of fashion from the cute little shoes to the extravagant hats, the alluring charm of gestures, voices, and smiles, all the flirtatious attitudes displayed on this beach suddenly struck him as incredible displays of female decadence. All these adorned women aimed to please, enchant, and deceive some man. They had dressed up for men—for all men—except for the husbands they no longer needed to impress. They had prepared themselves for yesterday’s lover and tomorrow’s lover, for the stranger they might encounter and catch their eye or were perhaps hoping to meet.
And these men sitting close to them, eye to eye and mouth to mouth, invited them, desired them, hunted them like game, coy and elusive notwithstanding that it seemed so near and so easy to capture. This wide shore was, then, no more than a love-market where some sold, others gave themselves—some drove a hard bargain for their kisses while others promised them for love. All these women thought only of one thing, to make their bodies desirable—bodies already given, sold, or promised to other men. And he reflected that it was everywhere the same, all the world over.
And these men sitting close to them, eye to eye and mouth to mouth, invited them, desired them, hunted them like game, shy and hard to catch even though it seemed so close and so easy to grab. This wide shore was nothing more than a love market where some sold themselves, while others offered themselves freely—some negotiated hard for their kisses while others promised them for love. All these women focused on one thing: making their bodies desirable—bodies already given, sold, or pledged to other men. And he thought that it was the same everywhere, all around the world.
His mother had done what others did—that was all. Others? These women he saw about him, rich, giddy, love-seeking, belonged on the whole to the class of fashionable and showy women of the world, some indeed to the less respectable sisterhood, for on these sands, trampled by the legion of idlers, the tribe of virtuous, home-keeping women were not to be seen.
His mother had just done what anyone else would do—that was it. Anyone else? The women around him, wealthy, carefree, and in search of love, mostly belonged to the group of fashionable and flashy women of society, and some even to the less respectable crowd, because on these sands, worn down by countless idlers, the group of virtuous, home-oriented women was nowhere to be found.
The tide was rising, driving the foremost rank of visitors gradually landward. He saw the various groups jump up and fly, carrying their chairs with them, before the yellow waves as they rolled up edged with a lace-like frill of foam. The bathing-machines too were being pulled up by horses, and along the planked way which formed the promenade running along the shore from end to end, there was now an increasing flow, slow and dense, of well-dressed people in two opposite streams elbowing and mingling. Pierre, made nervous and exasperated by this bustle, made his escape into the town, and went to get his breakfast at a modest tavern on the skirts of the fields.
The tide was coming in, pushing the front row of visitors slowly towards the shore. He watched different groups jump up and scatter, taking their chairs with them, as the yellow waves rolled in, edged with frothy white foam. The bathing machines were also being pulled up by horses, and along the wooden walkway that lined the beach from one end to the other, there was now a growing, slow-moving crowd of well-dressed people flowing in two opposite directions, bumping into each other. Feeling anxious and annoyed by the chaos, Pierre decided to escape into the town and went to grab breakfast at a small tavern on the outskirts of the fields.
When he had finished with coffee, he stretched his legs on a couple of chairs under a lime-tree in front of the house, and as he had hardly slept the night before, he presently fell into a doze. After resting for some hours he shook himself, and finding that it was time to go on board again he set out, tormented by a sudden stiffness which had come upon him during his long nap. Now he was eager to be at home again; to know whether his mother had found the portrait of Maréchal. Would she be the first to speak of it, or would he be obliged to ask for it again? If she waited to be questioned further it must be because she had some secret reason for not showing the miniature.
When he finished his coffee, he stretched his legs across a couple of chairs under a lime tree in front of the house. Since he had hardly slept the night before, he soon dozed off. After resting for a few hours, he shook himself awake and realized it was time to get back on board, feeling a sudden stiffness from his long nap. Now he was eager to be home again, to find out if his mom had located the portrait of Maréchal. Would she bring it up first, or would he have to ask about it again? If she was waiting to be asked, it must be because she had some hidden reason for not showing the miniature.
But when he was at home again, and in his room, he hesitated about going down to dinner. He was too wretched. His revolted soul had not yet time to calm down. However, he made up his mind to it, and appeared in the dining-room just as they were sitting down.
But when he was back home and in his room, he hesitated about going down to dinner. He felt too miserable. His disturbed feelings hadn’t had a chance to settle down yet. Still, he decided to go for it and showed up in the dining room just as they were about to sit down.
All their faces were beaming.
All their faces were glowing.
“Well,” said Roland, “are you getting on with your purchases? I do not want to see anything till it is all in its place.”
“Well,” said Roland, “are you making progress with your shopping? I don’t want to see anything until it’s all set up.”
And his wife replied: “Oh, yes. We are getting on. But it takes much consideration to avoid buying things that do not match. The furniture question is an absorbing one.”
And his wife replied: “Oh, yes. We're doing well. But it takes a lot of thought to avoid buying things that don't match. The furniture situation is quite a concern.”
She had spent the day in going with Jean to cabinet-makers and upholsterers. Her fancy was for rich materials, rather splendid to strike the eye at once. Her son, on the contrary, wished for something simple and elegant. So in front of everything put before them they had each repeated their arguments. She declared that a client, a defendant, must be impressed; that as soon as he is shown into his counsel’s waiting-room he should have a sense of wealth.
She had spent the day going with Jean to furniture makers and upholsterers. She was drawn to luxurious materials that would catch the eye immediately. Her son, on the other hand, wanted something simple and elegant. So, in front of everything presented to them, they each made their case again. She argued that a client, a defendant, needs to be impressed; that as soon as he walks into his lawyer’s waiting room, he should feel a sense of wealth.
Jean, on the other hand, wishing to attract only an elegant and opulent class, was anxious to captivate persons of refinement by his quiet and perfect taste.
Jean, on the other hand, wanting to appeal only to an elegant and wealthy crowd, was eager to entice refined people with his subtle and impeccable taste.
And this discussion, which had gone on all day, began again with the soup.
And this conversation, which had lasted all day, started up again with the soup.
Roland had no opinion. He repeated: “I do not want to hear anything about it. I will go and see it when it is all finished.”
Roland had no thoughts on the matter. He repeated, “I don’t want to hear anything about it. I’ll go and see it when it’s all done.”
Mme. Roland appealed to the judgment of her elder son.
Mme. Roland turned to the judgment of her older son.
“And you, Pierre, what do you think of the matter?”
“And you, Pierre, what do you think about it?”
His nerves were in a state of such intense excitement that he would have liked to reply with an oath. However, he only answered in a dry tone quivering with annoyance.
His nerves were so intensely frayed that he felt like responding with a curse. Instead, he only replied in a dry tone that trembled with irritation.
“Oh, I am quite of Jean’s mind. I like nothing so well as simplicity, which, in matters of taste, is equivalent to rectitude in matters of conduct.”
“Oh, I completely agree with Jean. I value simplicity above all else, which, when it comes to taste, is just as important as integrity in how we behave.”
His mother went on:
His mom continued:
“You must remember that we live in a city of commercial men, where good taste is not to be met with at every turn.”
“You have to remember that we live in a city of businesspeople, where good taste isn’t found everywhere.”
Pierre replied:
Pierre responded:
“What does that matter? Is that a reason for living as fools do? If my fellow-townsmen are stupid and ill-bred, need I follow their example? A woman does not misconduct herself because her neighbour has a lover.”
“What does that matter? Is that a reason to live like fools? If my fellow townspeople are stupid and rude, do I have to follow their example? A woman doesn't misbehave just because her neighbor has a lover.”
Jean began to laugh.
Jean started to laugh.
“You argue by comparisons which seem to have been borrowed from the maxims of a moralist.”
"You make your case by comparing things in a way that seems taken from a moralist's sayings."
Pierre made no reply. His mother and his brother reverted to the question of stuffs and arm-chairs.
Pierre didn’t respond. His mother and brother went back to discussing furniture and armchairs.
He sat looking at them as he had looked at his mother in the morning before starting for Trouville; looking at them as a stranger who would study them, and he felt as though he had really suddenly come into a family of which he knew nothing.
He sat there watching them just like he had watched his mother in the morning before heading to Trouville; observing them as if he were a stranger trying to understand them, and he felt like he had unexpectedly entered a family that he knew nothing about.
His father, above all, amazed his eyes and his mind. That flabby, burly man, happy and besotted, was his own father! No, no; Jean was not in the least like him.
His father, more than anything, blew his mind and astonished him. That soft, stocky guy, cheerful and infatuated, was actually his dad! No way; Jean didn't resemble him at all.
His family!
His family!
Within these two days an unknown and malignant hand, the hand of a dead man, had torn asunder and broken, one by one, all the ties which had held these four human beings together. It was all over, all ruined. He had now no mother—for he could no longer love her now that he could not revere her with that perfect, tender, and pious respect which a son’s love demands; no brother—since his brother was the child of a stranger; nothing was left him but his father, that coarse man whom he could not love in spite of himself.
Within these two days, an unknown and harmful force, the force of a dead man, had shattered and broken, one by one, all the bonds that connected these four people. It was all finished, all destroyed. He had no mother now—because he could no longer love her since he couldn't hold her in that perfect, tender, and devout respect that a son's love requires; no brother—since his brother was the child of a stranger; nothing remained for him but his father, that rough man whom he couldn’t love despite himself.
And he suddenly broke out:
And he suddenly burst out:
“I say, mother, have you found that portrait?”
“I’m asking, Mom, have you found that portrait?”
She opened her eyes in surprise.
She opened her eyes in shock.
“What portrait?”
“What picture?”
“The portrait of Maréchal.”
"The portrait of the Marshal."
“No—that is to say—yes—I have not found it, but I think I know where it is.”
“No—that is to say—yes—I haven’t found it, but I think I know where it is.”
“What is that?” asked Roland. And Pierre answered:
“What is that?” asked Roland. And Pierre replied:
“A little likeness of Maréchal which used to be in the dining-room in Paris. I thought that Jean might be glad to have it.”
“A small picture of Maréchal that used to be in the dining room in Paris. I thought Jean might be happy to have it.”
Roland exclaimed:
Roland shouted:
“Why, yes, to be sure; I remember it perfectly. I saw it again last week. Your mother found it in her desk when she was tidying the papers. It was on Thursday or Friday. Do you remember, Louise? I was shaving myself when you took it out and laid in on a chair by your side with a pile of letters of which you burned half. Strange, isn’t it, that you should have come across the portrait only two or three days before Jean heard of his legacy? If I believed in presentiments I should think that this was one.”
“Yeah, I remember it clearly. I saw it again last week. Your mom found it in her desk while she was cleaning up the papers. It was on Thursday or Friday. Do you remember, Louise? I was shaving when you took it out and put it on a chair next to you with a stack of letters, half of which you burned. Isn’t it odd that you came across the portrait just two or three days before Jean found out about his inheritance? If I believed in gut feelings, I’d think this was one.”
Mme. Roland calmly replied:
Mrs. Roland calmly replied:
“Yes, I know where it is. I will fetch it presently.”
“Yes, I know where it is. I'll get it right away.”
Then she had lied! When she had said that very morning to her son who had asked her what had become of the miniature: “I don’t exactly know—perhaps it is in my desk”—it was a lie! She had seen it, touched it, handled it, gazed at it but a few days since; and then she had hidden it away again in the secret drawer with those letters—his letters.
Then she had lied! When she told her son that very morning, who had asked her what happened to the miniature: “I don’t really know—maybe it’s in my desk”—it was a lie! She had seen it, touched it, handled it, and looked at it just a few days ago; and then she had hidden it away again in the secret drawer with those letters—his letters.
Pierre looked at the mother who had lied to him; looked at her with the concentrated fury of a son who had been cheated, robbed of his most sacred affection, and with the jealous wrath of a man who, after long being blind, at last discovers a disgraceful betrayal. If he had been that woman’s husband—and not her child—he would have gripped her by the wrists, seized her by the shoulders or the hair, have flung her on the ground, have hit her, hurt her, crushed her! And he might say nothing, do nothing, show nothing, reveal nothing. He was her son; he had no vengeance to take. And he had not been deceived.
Pierre looked at the mother who had lied to him; he looked at her with the intense anger of a son who felt cheated, robbed of his deepest love, and with the jealous rage of a man who, after being blind to the truth for so long, finally uncovers a shameful betrayal. If he had been that woman’s husband—and not her child—he would have grabbed her by the wrists, seized her by the shoulders or the hair, thrown her to the ground, hit her, hurt her, crushed her! But he might say nothing, do nothing, show nothing, reveal nothing. He was her son; he had no revenge to take. And he had not been deceived.
Nay, but she had deceived his tenderness, his pious respect. She owed to him to be without reproach, as all mothers owe it to their children. If the fury that boiled within him verged on hatred it was that he felt her to be even more guilty towards him than toward his father.
No, she had misled his affection, his heartfelt respect. She was supposed to be beyond reproach, just like all mothers owe that to their children. If the anger boiling inside him approached hatred, it was because he sensed she was even more at fault with him than with his father.
The love of man and wife is a voluntary compact in which the one who proves weak is guilty only of perfidy; but when the wife is a mother her duty is a higher one, since nature has intrusted her with a race. If she fails, then she is cowardly, worthless, infamous.
The love between a husband and wife is a voluntary agreement where the one who falters is only guilty of betrayal; however, when the wife is a mother, her responsibility is greater, as nature has entrusted her with bringing forth life. If she fails in this duty, then she is seen as cowardly, worthless, and disgraceful.
“I do not care,” said Roland suddenly, stretching out his legs under the table, as he did every evening while he sipped his glass of black-currant brandy. “You may do worse than live idle when you have a snug little income. I hope Jean will have us to dinner in style now. Hang it all! If I have indigestion now and then I cannot help it.”
“I don’t care,” Roland said suddenly, stretching out his legs under the table, as he did every evening while sipping his glass of black-currant brandy. “You could do worse than live comfortably when you have a nice little income. I hope Jean will have us over for a fancy dinner now. Really! If I get indigestion now and then, I can’t help it.”
Then turning to his wife he added:
Then he turned to his wife and said:
“Go and fetch that portrait, little woman, as you have done your dinner. I should like to see it again myself.”
“Go and grab that portrait, dear, just like you did with your dinner. I’d like to see it again myself.”
She rose, took a taper, and went. Then, after an absence which Pierre thought long, though she was not away more than three minutes, Mme. Roland returned smiling, and holding an old-fashioned gilt frame by the ring.
She got up, grabbed a candle, and left. After what felt like a long time to Pierre, even though she was gone for just three minutes, Mme. Roland came back smiling, holding an antique gilt frame by the ring.
“Here it is,” said she, “I found it at once.”
“Here it is,” she said, “I found it right away.”
The doctor was the first to put forth his hand; he took the picture, and holding it a little away from him, he examined it. Then, fully aware that his mother was looking at him, he slowly raised his eyes and fixed them on his brother to compare the faces. He could hardly refrain, in his violence, from saying: “Dear me! How like Jean!” And though he dared not utter the terrible words, he betrayed his thought by his manner of comparing the living face with the painted one.
The doctor was the first to extend his hand; he took the picture and held it slightly away from him to examine it. Then, fully aware that his mother was watching him, he slowly lifted his eyes and focused on his brother to compare their faces. He could barely hold back, in his excitement, from saying, “Wow! He looks so much like Jean!” And though he didn’t dare to say those harsh words, his actions revealed his thoughts as he compared the living face with the painted one.
They had, no doubt, details in common; the same beard, the same brow; but nothing sufficiently marked to justify the assertion: “This is the father and that the son.” It was rather a family likeness, a relationship of physiognomies in which the same blood courses. But what to Pierre was far more decisive than the common aspect of the faces, was that his mother had risen, had turned her back, and was pretending, too deliberately, to be putting the sugar basin and the liqueur bottle away in a cupboard. She understood that he knew, or at any rate had his suspicions.
They definitely had some similarities; the same beard, the same brow; but nothing clear enough to say, “This is the father and that’s the son.” It was more of a family resemblance, a connection in their features that showed they shared the same blood. But for Pierre, what mattered more than their similar looks was that his mother had stood up, turned away from him, and was pretending a bit too obviously to be putting the sugar bowl and the liqueur bottle away in a cabinet. She knew he was aware, or at least had his doubts.
“Hand it on to me,” said Roland.
“Hand it over to me,” said Roland.
Pierre held out the miniature and his father drew the candle towards him to see it better; then, he murmured in a pathetic tone:
Pierre held out the tiny model, and his father pulled the candle closer to get a better look; then, he said quietly in a sad tone:
“Poor fellow! To think that he was like that when we first knew him! Cristi! How time flies! He was a good-looking man, too, in those days, and with such a pleasant manner—was not he, Louise?”
“Poor guy! Can you believe he was like that when we first met him? Cristi! Time really flies! He was a good-looking man back then, and he had such a nice way about him—wasn’t he, Louise?”
As his wife made no answer he went on:
As his wife didn't respond, he continued:
“And what an even temper! I never saw him put out. And now it is all at an end—nothing left of him—but what he bequeathed to Jean. Well, at any rate you may take your oath that that man was a good and faithful friend to the last. Even on his death-bed he did not forget us.”
“And what a calm demeanor! I never saw him lose his cool. And now it's all over—there's nothing left of him but what he passed on to Jean. Well, you can be sure that man was a good and loyal friend right until the end. Even on his deathbed, he didn’t forget about us.”
Jean, in his turn, held out his hand for the picture. He gazed at it for a few minutes and then said regretfully:
Jean, in his turn, reached out his hand for the picture. He stared at it for a few minutes and then said with a hint of sadness:
“I do not recognise it at all. I only remember him with white hair.”
“I don’t recognize it at all. I only remember him with white hair.”
He returned the miniature to his mother. She cast a hasty glance at it, looking away as if she were frightened; then in her usual voice she said:
He handed the miniature back to his mother. She took a quick look at it, then looked away as if she were scared; then in her normal voice, she said:
“It belongs to you now, my little Jean, as you are his heir. We will take it to your new rooms.” And when they went into the drawing-room she placed the picture on the chimney-shelf by the clock, where it had formerly stood.
“It’s yours now, my little Jean, since you’re his heir. We'll take it to your new rooms.” And when they entered the living room, she set the picture on the mantel above the clock, just where it used to be.
Roland filled his pipe; Pierre and Jean lighted cigarettes. They commonly smoked them, Pierre while he paced the room, Jean, sunk in a deep arm-chair, with his legs crossed. Their father always sat astride a chair and spat from afar into the fire-place.
Roland filled his pipe while Pierre and Jean lit their cigarettes. They usually smoked them—Pierre as he walked around the room, and Jean, lounging in a deep armchair with his legs crossed. Their father always sat on a chair and spat into the fireplace from a distance.
Mme. Roland, on a low seat by a little table on which the lamp stood, embroidered, or knitted, or marked linen.
Mme. Roland, sitting on a small chair by a little table with a lamp on it, was either embroidering, knitting, or marking linen.
This evening she was beginning a piece of worsted work, intended for Jean’s lodgings. It was a difficult and complicated pattern, and required all her attention. Still, now and again, her eye, which was counting the stitches, glanced up swiftly and furtively at the little portrait of the dead as it leaned against the clock. And the doctor, who was striding to and fro across the little room in four or five steps, met his mother’s look at each turn.
This evening, she was starting a piece of wool work meant for Jean’s place. It was a tricky and intricate pattern that demanded all her focus. Still, every now and then, as she was counting the stitches, her eye would quickly and secretly dart up to the small portrait of the deceased propped against the clock. Meanwhile, the doctor paced back and forth in the small room with four or five steps, meeting his mother’s gaze with each turn.
It was as though they were spying on each other; and acute uneasiness, intolerable to be borne, clutched at Pierre’s heart. He was saying to himself—at once tortured and glad:
It felt like they were watching each other, and a sharp anxiety, unbearable to handle, gripped Pierre’s heart. He was telling himself—both tormented and relieved:
“She must be in misery at this moment if she knows that I guess!” And each time he reached the fire-place he stopped for a few seconds to look at Maréchal’s fair hair, and show quite plainly that he was haunted by a fixed idea. So that this little portrait, smaller than an opened palm, was like a living being, malignant and threatening, suddenly brought into this house and this family.
“She must be in agony right now if she knows what I’m thinking!” And each time he reached the fireplace, he paused for a few seconds to gaze at Maréchal’s light hair, clearly showing that he was consumed by a persistent thought. This little portrait, smaller than an open palm, felt like a living entity, evil and menacing, suddenly brought into this home and this family.
Presently the street-door bell rang. Mme. Roland, always so self-possessed, started violently, betraying to her doctor son the anguish of her nerves. Then she said: “It must be Mme. Rosémilly;” and her eye again anxiously turned to the mantel-shelf.
Presently, the doorbell rang. Madame Roland, usually so composed, jumped slightly, revealing to her doctor son the strain of her nerves. Then she said, “It must be Madame Rosémilly,” and her gaze anxiously returned to the mantelpiece.
Pierre understood, or thought he understood, her fears and misery. A woman’s eye is keen, a woman’s wit is nimble, and her instincts suspicious. When this woman who was coming in should see the miniature of a man she did not know, she might perhaps at the first glance discover the likeness between this face and Jean. Then she would know and understand everything.
Pierre understood, or thought he understood, her fears and misery. A woman’s eye is sharp, a woman’s wit is quick, and her instincts are alert. When this woman walked in and saw the picture of a man she didn't recognize, she might immediately notice the resemblance to Jean. Then she would figure everything out.
He was seized with dread, a sudden and horrible dread of this shame being unveiled, and, turning about just as the door opened, he took the little painting and slipped it under the clock without being seen by his father and brother.
He was overwhelmed with fear, a sudden and terrible fear that this shame would be revealed, and, just as the door opened, he turned around, took the small painting, and slipped it under the clock without his father and brother noticing.
When he met his mother’s eyes again they seemed to him altered, dim, and haggard.
When he looked into his mother’s eyes again, they seemed different to him—dull and exhausted.
“Good evening,” said Mme. Rosémilly. “I have come to ask you for a cup of tea.”
“Good evening,” said Mme. Rosémilly. “I’m here to ask you for a cup of tea.”
But while they were bustling about her and asking after her health, Pierre made off, the door having been left open.
But while they were busying themselves around her and checking on her health, Pierre slipped away, having found the door left open.
When his absence was perceived they were all surprised. Jean, annoyed for the young widow, who, he thought, would be hurt, muttered: “What a bear!”
When everyone noticed he was gone, they were all surprised. Jean, annoyed for the young widow, who he thought would be upset, muttered, “What a jerk!”
Mme. Roland replied: “You must not be vexed with him; he is not very well to-day and tired with his excursion to Trouville.”
Mme. Roland replied: “You shouldn't be upset with him; he isn’t feeling well today and is tired from his trip to Trouville.”
“Never mind,” said Roland, “that is no reason for taking himself off like a savage.”
“Forget it,” said Roland, “that’s no excuse for acting like a wild animal.”
Mme. Rosémilly tried to smooth matters by saying: “Not at all, not at all. He has gone away in the English fashion; people always disappear in that way in fashionable circles if they want to leave early.”
Mme. Rosémilly tried to ease the situation by saying: “Not at all, not at all. He left in the English way; people tend to vanish like that in high society if they want to leave early.”
“Oh, in fashionable circles, I dare say,” replied Jean. “But a man does not treat his family à l’Anglaise, and my brother has done nothing else for some time past.”
“Oh, in trendy circles, I would say,” replied Jean. “But a man doesn’t treat his family à l’Anglaise, and my brother hasn’t done anything else for quite a while.”
CHAPTER VI
For a week or two nothing occurred. The father went fishing; Jean, with his mother’s help, was furnishing and settling himself; Pierre, very gloomy, never was seen excepting at meal-times.
For a week or two, nothing happened. The dad went fishing; Jean, with his mom's help, was getting his place set up; Pierre, looking really down, was only seen at mealtimes.
His father having asked him one evening: “Why the deuce do you always come in with a face as cheerful as a funeral? This is not the first time I have remarked it.”
His father asked him one evening, “Why on earth do you always come in looking as cheerful as a funeral? This isn't the first time I've noticed it.”
The doctor replied: “The fact is I am terribly conscious of the burden of life.”
The doctor replied: “Honestly, I’m really aware of the weight of life.”
The old man did not have a notion what he meant, and with an aggrieved look he went on: “It really is too bad. Ever since we had the good luck to come into this legacy, every one seems unhappy. It is as though some accident had befallen us, as if we were in mourning for some one.”
The old man had no idea what he was talking about, and with a hurt expression, he continued: “It’s really unfortunate. Ever since we got lucky with this inheritance, everyone seems unhappy. It feels like something bad has happened to us, like we’re in mourning for someone.”
“I am in mourning for some one,” said Pierre.
"I'm grieving someone," said Pierre.
“You are? For whom?”
"Who are you here for?"
“For some one you never knew, and of whom I was too fond.”
“For someone you never met, and who I cared for too much.”
Roland imagined that his son alluded to some girl with whom he had had some love passages, and he said:
Roland thought that his son was hinting at some girl he had some romantic history with, and he said:
“A woman, I suppose.”
“A woman, I guess.”
“Yes, a woman.”
“Yes, a woman.”
“Dead?”
"Is it dead?"
“No. Worse. Ruined!”
“No. Worse. Destroyed!”
“Ah!”
“Wow!”
Though he was startled by this unexpected confidence, in his wife’s presence too, and by his son’s strange tone about it, the old man made no further inquiries, for in his opinion such affairs did not concern a third person.
Though he was surprised by this unexpected confidence, especially in front of his wife, and by his son's odd tone about it, the old man asked no further questions, as he believed such matters did not involve a third party.
Mme. Roland affected not to hear; she seemed ill and was very pale. Several times already her husband, surprised to see her sit down as if she were dropping into her chair, and to hear her gasp as if she could not draw her breath, had said:
Mme. Roland pretended not to hear; she looked sick and was very pale. A few times already, her husband, surprised to see her slump into her chair and hear her gasp as if she couldn't catch her breath, had said:
“Really, Louise, you look very ill; you tire yourself too much with helping Jean. Give yourself a little rest. Sacristi! The rascal is in no hurry, as he is a rich man.”
“Honestly, Louise, you look really unwell; you’re exhausting yourself by taking care of Jean. Take a little time to rest. Seriously! That guy isn’t in any rush since he’s wealthy.”
She shook her head without a word.
She silently shook her head.
But to-day her pallor was so great that Roland remarked on it again.
But today her paleness was so noticeable that Roland mentioned it again.
“Come, come,” said he, “this will not do at all, my dear old woman. You must take care of yourself.” Then, addressing his son, “You surely must see that your mother is ill. Have you questioned her, at any rate?”
“Come on,” he said, “this isn’t acceptable at all, my dear old lady. You need to take care of yourself.” Then, turning to his son, he added, “You must see that your mother is not well. Have you asked her about it, at least?”
Pierre replied: “No; I had not noticed that there was anything the matter with her.”
Pierre replied, “No, I hadn’t noticed that anything was wrong with her.”
At this Roland was angry.
At this, Roland got angry.
“But it stares you in the face, confound you! What on earth is the good of your being a doctor if you cannot even see that your mother is out of sorts? Why, look at her, just look at her. Really, a man might die under his very eyes and this doctor would never think there was anything the matter!”
“But it stares you right in the face, can you believe it? What’s the point of being a doctor if you can’t even tell that your mom isn’t feeling well? Just look at her, really look at her. Honestly, a person could die right in front of him and this doctor wouldn’t think there was anything wrong!”
Mme. Roland was panting for breath, and so white that her husband exclaimed:
Mme. Roland was out of breath and so pale that her husband exclaimed:
“She is going to faint.”
"She's gonna faint."
“No, no, it is nothing—I shall get better directly—it is nothing.”
“No, no, it’s nothing—I’ll be fine soon—it’s nothing.”
Pierre had gone up to her and was looking at her steadily.
Pierre had walked over to her and was gazing at her intently.
“What ails you?” he said. And she repeated in an undertone:
“What’s wrong with you?” he asked. And she echoed in a low voice:
“Nothing, nothing—I assure you, nothing.”
“Nothing, I assure you, nothing.”
Roland had gone to fetch some vinegar; he now returned, and handing the bottle to his son he said:
Roland had gone to get some vinegar; he came back and handed the bottle to his son, saying:
“Here—do something to ease her. Have you felt her heart?”
“Here—do something to comfort her. Have you felt her heartbeat?”
As Pierre bent over her to feel her pulse she pulled away her hand so vehemently that she struck it against a chair which was standing by.
As Pierre leaned over her to check her pulse, she yanked her hand away so forcefully that she hit it against a nearby chair.
“Come,” said he in icy tones, “let me see what I can do for you, as you are ill.”
“Come,” he said in a cold voice, “let me see what I can do for you, since you’re not feeling well.”
Then she raised her arm and held it out to him. Her skin was burning, the blood throbbing in short irregular leaps.
Then she lifted her arm and extended it toward him. Her skin was hot, and the blood pulsed in short, uneven rhythms.
“You are certainly ill,” he murmured. “You must take something to quiet you. I will write you a prescription.” And as he wrote, stooping over the paper, a low sound of choked sighs, smothered, quick breathing and suppressed sobs made him suddenly look round at her. She was weeping, her hands covering her face.
“You’re definitely unwell,” he said softly. “You need to take something to calm you down. I’ll write you a prescription.” As he wrote, leaning over the paper, he heard faint sounds of stifled sighs, rapid breathing, and muffled sobs that made him turn to her. She was crying, her hands covering her face.
Roland, quite distracted, asked her:
Roland, distracted, asked her:
“Louise, Louise, what is the mater with you? What on earth ails you?”
“Louise, Louise, what’s the matter with you? What on earth is bothering you?”
She did not answer, but seemed racked by some deep and dreadful grief. Her husband tried to take her hands from her face, but she resisted him, repeating:
She didn't answer, but appeared to be overwhelmed by some deep and terrible sorrow. Her husband tried to pull her hands away from her face, but she pushed him away, repeating:
“No, no, no.”
“No way.”
He appealed to his son.
He reached out to his son.
“But what is the matter with her? I never saw her like this.”
“But what's wrong with her? I've never seen her like this.”
“It is nothing,” said Pierre, “she is a little hysterical.”
“It’s nothing,” Pierre said, “she’s just a bit hysterical.”
And he felt as if it were a comfort to him to see her suffering thus, as if this anguish mitigated his resentment and diminished his mother’s load of opprobrium. He looked at her as a judge satisfied with his day’s work.
And he felt a strange sense of comfort in seeing her suffer like this, as if her pain eased his anger and lessened his mother’s shame. He looked at her like a judge pleased with the outcome of his day.
Suddenly she rose, rushed to the door with such a swift impulse that it was impossible to forestall or to stop her, and ran off to lock herself into her room.
Suddenly, she jumped up, dashed to the door with such a quick instinct that it was impossible to anticipate or stop her, and ran off to lock herself in her room.
Roland and the doctor were left face to face.
Roland and the doctor were left staring at each other.
“Can you make head or tail of it?” said the father.
“Can you make sense of it?” said the father.
“Oh, yes,” said the other. “It is a little nervous disturbance, not alarming or surprising; such attacks may very likely recur from time to time.”
“Oh, yes,” said the other. “It's just a minor nervous issue, nothing to be alarmed or surprised about; these episodes are likely to happen occasionally.”
They did in fact recur, almost every day; and Pierre seemed to bring them on with a word, as if he had the clew to her strange and new disorder. He would discern in her face a lucid interval of peace and with the willingness of a torturer would, with a word, revive the anguish that had been lulled for a moment.
They happened again and again, almost every day; and Pierre seemed to trigger them with just a word, as if he held the key to her strange, new condition. He would see a moment of calm on her face and, with the eagerness of a tormentor, would use a word to bring back the pain that had been momentarily eased.
But he, too, was suffering as cruelly as she. It was dreadful pain to him that he could no longer love her nor respect her, that he must put her on the rack. When he had laid bare the bleeding wound which he had opened in her woman’s, her mother’s heart, when he felt how wretched and desperate she was, he would go out alone, wander about the town, so torn by remorse, so broken by pity, so grieved to have thus hammered her with his scorn as her son, that he longed to fling himself into the sea and put an end to it all by drowning himself.
But he was suffering just as much as she was. It was terrible for him that he could no longer love or respect her, that he had to hurt her. After exposing the painful wound he had inflicted on her heart, which ached like a mother's, and when he felt how miserable and desperate she had become, he would go out alone, wandering around the town, overwhelmed with guilt, broken by pity, and so saddened by how he had treated her with scorn as her son that he wanted to throw himself into the sea and end it all by drowning.
Ah! How gladly now would he have forgiven her. But he could not, for he was incapable of forgetting. If only he could have desisted from making her suffer; but this again he could not, suffering as he did himself. He went home to his meals, full of relenting resolutions; then, as soon as he saw her, as soon as he met her eye—formerly so clear and frank, now so evasive, frightened, and bewildered—he struck at her in spite of himself, unable to suppress the treacherous words which would rise to his lips.
Ah! How gladly he would have forgiven her now. But he couldn’t, because he couldn't forget. If only he could have stopped making her suffer; but again, he couldn’t, suffering himself. He went home for meals, filled with kind intentions; then, as soon as he saw her, as soon as their eyes met—once so clear and honest, now so avoiding, scared, and confused—he lashed out at her despite himself, unable to hold back the hurtful words that formed on his lips.
This disgraceful secret, known to them alone, goaded him up against her. It was as a poison flowing in his veins and giving him an impulse to bite like a mad dog.
This shameful secret, known only to them, pushed him toward her. It felt like poison coursing through his veins, giving him an uncontrollable urge to lash out like a rabid dog.
And there was no one in the way now to hinder his reading her; Jean lived almost entirely in his new apartments, and only came home to dinner and to sleep every night at his father’s.
And now there was no one around to interrupt his reading of her; Jean spent almost all her time in his new apartment and only came home for dinner and to sleep every night at his dad’s.
He frequently observed his brother’s bitterness and violence, and attributed them to jealousy. He promised himself that some day he would teach him his place and give him a lesson, for life at home was becoming very painful as a result of these constant scenes. But as he now lived apart he suffered less from this brutal conduct, and his love of peace prompted him to patience. His good fortune, too, had turned his head, and he scarcely paused to think of anything which had no direct interest for himself. He would come in full of fresh little anxieties, full of the cut of a morning-coat, of the shape of a felt hat, of the proper size for his visiting-cards. And he talked incessantly of all the details of his house—the shelves fixed in his bed-room cupboard to keep linen on, the pegs to be put up in the entrance hall, the electric bells contrived to prevent illicit visitors to his lodgings.
He often noticed his brother’s bitterness and aggression, blaming it on jealousy. He promised himself that one day he would teach him a lesson and show him his place, as life at home was becoming really painful due to these constant arguments. However, now that he lived separately, he felt less impacted by this harsh behavior, and his desire for peace led him to be patient. His good fortune had also gone to his head, and he barely stopped to think about anything that didn’t directly involve him. He would come in full of new little worries, focused on his morning coat’s style, the shape of his felt hat, and the right size for his business cards. And he talked nonstop about all the details of his home—the shelves installed in his bedroom cupboard for linens, the hooks to be put up in the entryway, and the electric bells designed to keep away unwanted visitors to his place.
It had been settled that on the day when he should take up his abode there they should make an excursion to Saint Jouin, and return after dining there, to drink tea in his rooms. Roland wanted to go by water, but the distance and the uncertainty of reaching it in a sailing boat if there should be a head-wind, made them reject his plan, and a break was hired for the day.
It was agreed that on the day he moved in, they would take a trip to Saint Jouin and come back after having lunch there to drink tea in his place. Roland wanted to go by boat, but the distance and the possibility of not making it if there was a headwind led them to scrap his idea, and they hired a carriage for the day.
They set out at ten to get there to breakfast. The dusty high road lay across the plain of Normandy, which, by its gentle undulations, dotted with farms embowered in trees, wears the aspect of an endless park. In the vehicle, as it jogged on at the slow trot of a pair of heavy horses, sat the four Rolands, Mme. Rosémilly, and Captain Beausire, all silent, deafened by the rumble of the wheels, and with their eyes shut to keep out the clouds of dust.
They left at ten to make it to breakfast. The dusty highway stretched across the Normandy plain, which, with its gentle hills and farms surrounded by trees, looked like an endless park. Inside the vehicle, moving along slowly with a pair of heavy horses at a steady trot, sat the four Rolands, Madame Rosémilly, and Captain Beausire, all silent, overwhelmed by the rumble of the wheels, and with their eyes closed to avoid the dust clouds.
It was harvest-time. Alternating with the dark hue of clover and the raw green of beet-root, the yellow corn lighted up the landscape with gleams of pale gold; the fields looked as if they had drunk in the sunshine which poured down on them. Here and there the reapers were at work, and in the plots where the scythe had been put in the men might be seen see-sawing as they swept the level soil with the broad, wing-shaped blade.
It was harvest time. The dark color of clover and the bright green of beetroot alternated with the yellow corn, which illuminated the landscape with flashes of pale gold; the fields seemed to have soaked up the sunshine pouring down on them. Here and there, the harvesters were busy, and in the areas where the scythe had been used, you could see the men moving back and forth as they mowed the flat ground with the wide, wing-shaped blade.
After a two-hours’ drive the break turned off to the left, past a windmill at work—a melancholy, gray wreck, half rotten and doomed, the last survivor of its ancient race; then it went into a pretty inn yard, and drew up at the door of a smart little house, a hostelry famous in those parts.
After a two-hour drive, the path curved left, passing a functioning windmill—a sad, gray shell, half decayed and destined to fade away, the last of its kind; then it entered a charming inn courtyard and stopped in front of a stylish little house, a well-known inn in the area.
The mistress, well known as “La belle Alphonsine,” came smiling to the threshold, and held out her hand to the two ladies who hesitated to take the high step.
The mistress, famously known as “La belle Alphonsine,” smiled as she approached the door and extended her hand to the two ladies who hesitated to step up.
Some strangers were already at breakfast under a tent by a grass-plot shaded by apple trees—Parisians, who had come from Étretat; and from the house came sounds of voices, laughter, and the clatter of plates and pans.
Some strangers were already having breakfast under a tent by a grassy area shaded by apple trees—Parisians, who had come from Étretat; and from the house came sounds of voices, laughter, and the clattering of plates and pans.
They were to eat in a room, as the outer dining-halls were all full. Roland suddenly caught sight of some shrimping nets hanging against the wall.
They were going to eat in a room because all the outer dining halls were full. Roland suddenly noticed some shrimping nets hanging on the wall.
“Ah! ha!” cried he, “you catch prawns here?”
“Ah! ha!” he exclaimed, “You catch shrimp here?”
“Yes,” replied Beausire. “Indeed it is the place on all the coast where most are taken.”
“Yes,” Beausire replied. “It really is the spot along the coast where the majority are caught.”
“First-rate! Suppose we try to catch some after breakfast.”
“Sounds great! Let’s try to catch some after breakfast.”
As it happened it would be low tide at three o’clock, so it was settled that they should all spend the afternoon among the rocks, hunting prawns.
As it turned out, low tide would be at three o’clock, so it was decided that they would all spend the afternoon among the rocks, searching for prawns.
They made a light breakfast, as a precaution against the tendency of blood to the head when they should have their feet in the water. They also wished to reserve an appetite for dinner, which had been ordered on a grand scale and to be ready at six o’clock when they came in.
They prepared a light breakfast to avoid any dizziness from being in the water with their feet. They also wanted to save room for dinner, which had been ordered in a big way and would be ready at six o’clock when they returned.
Roland could not sit still for impatience. He wanted to buy the nets specially constructed for fishing prawns, not unlike those used for catching butterflies in the country. Their name on the French coast is lanets; they are netted bags on a circular wooden frame, at the end of a long pole. Alphonsine, still smiling, was happy to lend them. Then she helped the two ladies to make an impromptu change of toilet, so as not to spoil their dresses. She offered them skirts, coarse worsted stockings and hemp shoes. The men took off their socks and went to the shoemaker’s to buy wooden shoes instead.
Roland couldn't sit still out of impatience. He wanted to buy the nets specifically designed for catching prawns, similar to those used for catching butterflies in the countryside. They're called lanets on the French coast; they are mesh bags on a circular wooden frame, at the end of a long pole. Alphonsine, still smiling, was happy to lend them. Then she helped the two ladies to quickly change their outfits so they wouldn't ruin their dresses. She offered them skirts, coarse worsted stockings, and hemp shoes. The men took off their socks and went to the shoemaker’s to buy wooden clogs instead.
Then they set out, the nets over their shoulders and creels on their backs. Mme. Rosémilly was very sweet in this costume, with an unexpected charm of countrified audacity. The skirt which Alphonsine had lent her, coquettishly tucked up and firmly stitched so as to allow of her running and jumping fearlessly on the rocks, displayed her ankle and lower calf—the firm calf of a strong and agile little woman. Her dress was loose to give freedom to her movements, and to cover her head she had found an enormous garden hat of coarse yellow straw with an extravagantly broad brim; and to this, a bunch of tamarisk pinned in to cock it on one side, gave a very dashing and military effect.
Then they headed out, nets slung over their shoulders and baskets on their backs. Mme. Rosémilly looked really lovely in this outfit, with an unexpected charm of country boldness. The skirt that Alphonsine had lent her was playfully tucked up and securely stitched to let her run and jump freely on the rocks, showcasing her ankle and lower calf—the strong calf of a fit and energetic little woman. Her dress was loose to allow for movement, and to cover her head, she found a huge garden hat made of rough yellow straw with an extremely wide brim; a bunch of tamarisk pinned to it at a jaunty angle gave it a striking and stylish look.
Jean, since he had come into his fortune, had asked himself every day whether or no he should marry her. Each time he saw her he made up his mind to ask her to be his wife, and then, as soon as he was alone again, he considered that by waiting he would have time to reflect. She was now less rich than he, for she had but twelve thousand francs a year; but it was in real estate, in farms and lands near the docks in Havre; and this by-and-bye might be worth a great deal. Their fortunes were thus approximately equal, and certainly the young widow attracted him greatly.
Jean, ever since he inherited his fortune, had been asking himself every day whether he should marry her. Every time he saw her, he decided that he would propose, but as soon as he was alone again, he thought that by waiting he would have more time to think it over. She was now less wealthy than he was, with only twelve thousand francs a year; however, it was in real estate—farms and land near the docks in Havre—which could potentially increase in value. Their fortunes were thus fairly equal, and the young widow certainly drew him in a lot.
As he watched her walking in front of him that day he said to himself:
As he watched her walking ahead of him that day, he thought to himself:
“I must really decide; I cannot do better, I am sure.”
“I really have to decide; I can't do any better, I'm sure.”
They went down a little ravine, sloping from the village to the cliff, and the cliff, at the end of this comb, rose about eighty metres above the sea. Framed between the green slopes to the right and left, a great triangle of silvery blue water could be seen in the distance, and a sail, scarcely visible, looked like an insect out there. The sky, pale with light, was so merged into one with the water that it was impossible to see where one ended and the other began; and the two women, walking in front of the men, stood out against the bright background, their shapes clearly defined in their closely-fitting dresses.
They walked down a small ravine that sloped from the village to the cliff, which rose about eighty meters above the sea at the end of this ridge. Framed between the green hills on either side, a vast triangle of silvery blue water was visible in the distance, and a barely noticeable sail looked like a tiny insect out there. The sky, pale with light, blended so seamlessly with the water that it was impossible to tell where one ended and the other began; and the two women, walking ahead of the men, stood out against the bright background, their figures clearly defined in their fitted dresses.
Jean, with a sparkle in his eye, watched the smart ankle, the neat leg, the supple waist, and the coquettish broad hat of Mme. Rosémilly as they fled away from him. And this flight fired his ardour, urging him on to the sudden determination which comes to hesitating and timid natures. The warm air, fragrant with sea-coast odours—gorse, clover, and thyme, mingling with the salt smell of the rocks at low tide—excited him still more, mounting to his brain; and every moment he felt a little more determined, at every step, at every glance he cast at the alert figure; he made up his mind to delay no longer, to tell her that he loved her and hoped to marry her. The prawn-fishing would favour him by affording him an opportunity; and it would be a pretty scene too, a pretty spot for love-making—their feet in a pool of limpid water while they watched the long feelers of the shrimps lurking under the wrack.
Jean, with a sparkle in his eye, watched the stylish ankle, the neat leg, the flexible waist, and the flirtatious wide-brimmed hat of Mme. Rosémilly as she moved away from him. This escape sparked his passion, pushing him toward the sudden resolve that often comes to those who are hesitant and shy. The warm air, filled with coastal scents—gorse, clover, and thyme, mixed with the salty smell of the rocks at low tide—fueled his excitement even more, rising to his head; and with every passing moment, he felt a little more determined. With each step and every glance at her lively figure, he decided to wait no longer, to tell her that he loved her and wanted to marry her. The prawn-fishing would give him a chance; and it would be a lovely scene too, a perfect spot for romance—standing with their feet in a clear pool of water while they watched the long antennae of the shrimps hiding underneath the seaweed.
When they had reached the end of the comb and the edge of the cliff, they saw a little footpath slanting down the face of it; and below them, about half-way between the sea and the foot of the precipice, an amazing chaos of enormous boulders tumbled over and piled one above the other on a sort of grassy and undulating plain which extended as far as they could see to the southward, formed by an ancient landslip. On this long shelf of brushwood and grass, disrupted, as it seemed, by the shocks of a volcano, the fallen rocks seemed the wreck of a great ruined city which had once looked out on the ocean, sheltered by the long white wall of the overhanging cliff.
When they reached the end of the comb and the edge of the cliff, they spotted a small footpath sloping down the side. Below them, about halfway between the sea and the base of the cliff, there was a wild jumble of huge boulders tumbled and stacked on top of each other on a grassy and rolling plain that stretched as far south as they could see, created by an ancient landslide. On this long stretch of brush and grass, seemingly disturbed by volcanic activity, the fallen rocks looked like the remnants of a great ruined city that once overlooked the ocean, protected by the long white wall of the overhanging cliff.
“That is fine!” exclaimed Mme. Rosémilly, standing still. Jean had come up with her, and with a beating heart offered his hand to help her down the narrow steps cut in the rock.
“That is fine!” exclaimed Mme. Rosémilly, standing still. Jean had come up with her, and with a pounding heart offered his hand to help her down the narrow steps carved into the rock.
They went on in front, while Beausire, squaring himself on his little legs, gave his arm to Mme. Roland, who felt giddy at the gulf before her.
They walked ahead, while Beausire, standing firm on his little legs, offered his arm to Mme. Roland, who felt dizzy at the chasm in front of her.
Roland and Pierre came last, and the doctor had to drag his father down, for his brain reeled so that he could only slip down sitting, from step to step.
Roland and Pierre arrived last, and the doctor had to pull his father down because his head was spinning, making it so he could only slide down the stairs sitting, from step to step.
The two young people who led the way went fast till on a sudden they saw, by the side of a wooden bench which afforded a resting-place about half-way down the slope, a thread of clear water, springing from a crevice in the cliff. It fell into a hollow as large as a washing basin which it had worn in the stone; then, falling in a cascade, hardly two feet high, it trickled across the footpath which it had carpeted with cresses, and was lost among the briers and grass on the raised shelf where the boulders were piled.
The two young people who were leading the way moved quickly until they suddenly spotted, beside a wooden bench that provided a resting spot about halfway down the slope, a stream of clear water flowing from a crack in the cliff. It pooled in a hollow the size of a washbasin that it had carved out of the stone; then, cascading just under two feet high, it trickled across the footpath that it had covered with watercress, disappearing among the brambles and grass on the elevated ledge where the boulders were stacked.
“Oh, I am so thirsty!” cried Mme. Rosémilly.
“Oh, I am so thirsty!” exclaimed Mme. Rosémilly.
But how could she drink? She tried to catch the water in her hand, but it slipped away between her fingers. Jean had an idea; he placed a stone on the path and on this she knelt down to put her lips to the spring itself, which was thus on the same level.
But how could she drink? She tried to catch the water in her hand, but it slipped away between her fingers. Jean had an idea; he placed a stone on the path, and she knelt down to put her lips to the spring itself, which was now at the same level.
When she raised her head, covered with myriads of tiny drops, sprinkled all over her face, her hair, her eye-lashes, and her dress, Jean bent over her and murmured: “How pretty you look!”
When she lifted her head, covered in countless tiny drops, splashed all over her face, her hair, her eyelashes, and her dress, Jean leaned over her and whispered, “You look so pretty!”
She answered in the tone in which she might have scolded a child:
She replied in a tone that sounded like she was scolding a child:
“Will you be quiet?”
"Can you be quiet?"
These were the first words of flirtation they had ever exchanged.
These were the first flirty words they had ever shared.
“Come,” said Jean, much agitated. “Let us go on before they come up with us.”
“Come on,” said Jean, visibly upset. “Let’s move before they catch up with us.”
For in fact they could see quite near them now Captain Beausire as he came down, backward, so as to give both hands to Mme. Roland; and further up, further off, Roland still letting himself slip, lowering himself on his hams and clinging on with his hands and elbows at the speed of a tortoise, Pierre keeping in front of him to watch his movements.
For they could now see Captain Beausire coming down nearby, stepping backward to reach out with both hands to Mme. Roland. Further up and farther away, Roland was still sliding down, lowering himself onto his knees and gripping with his hands and elbows at a tortoise's pace, while Pierre stayed in front of him to keep an eye on his movements.
The path, now less steep, was here almost a road, zigzagging between the huge rocks which had at some former time rolled from the hill-top. Mme. Rosémilly and Jean set off at a run and they were soon on the beach. They crossed it and reached the rocks, which stretched in a long and flat expanse covered with sea-weed, and broken by endless gleaming pools. The ebbed waters lay beyond, very far away, across this plain of slimy weed, of a black and shining olive green.
The path, now less steep, was almost like a road, winding between the enormous rocks that had once rolled down from the hilltop. Mme. Rosémilly and Jean took off running and quickly made it to the beach. They crossed it and arrived at the rocks, which stretched out in a long, flat area covered with seaweed and filled with endless sparkling pools. The receded waters lay far beyond, across this expanse of slimy weed, a glossy black and shining olive green.
Jean rolled up his trousers above his calf, and his sleeves to his elbows, that he might get wet without caring; then saying: “Forward!” he leaped boldly into the first tide-pool they came to.
Jean rolled up his pants above his calves and his sleeves to his elbows so he wouldn't mind getting wet; then he said, "Let's go!" and jumped right into the first tide pool they reached.
The lady, more cautious, though fully intending to go in too, presently, made her way round the little pond, stepping timidly, for she slipped on the grassy weed.
The lady, being more careful but still planning to join in soon, made her way around the small pond, stepping gently, as she slipped on the grassy weeds.
“Do you see anything?” she asked.
“Do you see anything?” she asked.
“Yes, I see your face reflected in the water.”
“Yes, I see your face in the water.”
“If that is all you see, you will not have good fishing.”
“If that’s all you see, you won’t have a good fishing experience.”
He murmured tenderly in reply:
He softly replied:
“Of all fishing it is that I should like best to succeed in.”
“Out of all the kinds of fishing, this is the one I really want to succeed in.”
She laughed: “Try; you will see how it will slip through your net.”
She laughed, “Go ahead; you’ll see how it slips right through your net.”
“But yet—if you will?”
"But still—if you're willing?"
“I will see you catch prawns—and nothing else—for the moment.”
“I will watch you catch prawns—and nothing else—for now.”
“You are cruel—let us go a little farther, there are none here.”
“You're so mean—let's go a bit further, there’s no one around.”
He gave her his hand to steady her on the slippery rocks. She leaned on him rather timidly, and he suddenly felt himself overpowered by love and insurgent with passion, as if the fever that had been incubating in him had waited till to-day to declare its presence.
He offered her his hand to help her balance on the slippery rocks. She leaned on him a bit shyly, and he was suddenly overwhelmed by love and filled with desire, as if the feelings that had been building up inside him had waited until today to reveal themselves.
They soon came to a deeper rift, in which long slender weeds, fantastically tinted, like floating green and rose-coloured hair, were swaying under the quivering water as it trickled off to the distant sea through some invisible crevice.
They quickly arrived at a deeper gap, where long, thin weeds in vibrant colors, resembling flowing green and pink hair, swayed beneath the shimmering water as it flowed away towards the distant sea through an unseen crack.
Mme. Rosémilly cried out: “Look, look, I see one, a big one. A very big one, just there!” He saw it too, and stepped boldly into the pool, though he got wet up to the waist. But the creature, waving its long whiskers, gently retired in front of the net. Jean drove it towards the sea-weed, making sure of his prey. When it found itself blockaded it rose with a dart over the net, shot across the mere, and was gone. The young woman, who was watching the chase in great excitement, could not help exclaiming: “Oh! Clumsy!”
Mme. Rosémilly shouted, “Look, look, I see one, a big one. A really big one, right there!” He saw it too and stepped confidently into the pool, even though he got wet up to his waist. But the creature, waving its long whiskers, slowly retreated from the net. Jean pushed it toward the seaweed, determined to catch it. When it realized it was trapped, it jumped over the net, darted across the pond, and disappeared. The young woman, who was eagerly watching the chase, couldn’t help but exclaim, “Oh! So clumsy!”
He was vexed, and without a moment’s thought dragged his net over a hole full of weed. As he brought it to the surface again he saw in it three large transparent prawns, caught blindfold in their hiding-place.
He was frustrated, and without a second thought dragged his net over a spot thick with weeds. When he pulled it up again, he saw three large, clear prawns trapped inside, caught off guard in their hiding spot.
He offered them in triumph to Mme. Rosémilly, who was afraid to touch them, for fear of the sharp, serrated crest which arms their heads. However, she made up her mind to it, and taking them up by the tip of their long whiskers she dropped them one by one into her creel, with a little seaweed to keep them alive. Then, having found a shallower pool of water, she stepped in with some hesitation, for the cold plunge of her feet took her breath away, and began to fish on her own account. She was dextrous and artful, with the light hand and the hunter’s instinct which are indispensable. At almost every dip she brought up some prawns, beguiled and surprised by her ingeniously gentle pursuit.
He triumphantly offered them to Mme. Rosémilly, who hesitated to touch them because she was worried about the sharp, jagged spikes on their heads. However, she steeled herself and, gripping their long whiskers by the tips, dropped them one by one into her basket, along with a bit of seaweed to keep them alive. Then, after finding a shallower pool, she stepped in cautiously; the cold water shocked her feet, leaving her momentarily breathless, and she started fishing for herself. She was skillful and clever, with the light touch and instinct of a hunter that are essential for the task. Almost every time she dipped, she pulled up some prawns, captivated and amazed by her cleverly gentle method.
Jean now caught nothing; but he followed her, step by step, touched her now and again, bent over her, pretended great distress at his own awkwardness, and besought her to teach him.
Jean didn't catch anything now; but he followed her, step by step, touched her occasionally, leaned over her, feigned great distress at his own clumsiness, and asked her to teach him.
“Show me,” he kept saying. “Show me how.”
“Show me,” he kept saying. “Show me how.”
And then, as their two faces were reflected side by side in water so clear that the black weeds at the bottom made a mirror, Jean smiled at the face which looked up at him from the depth, and now and then from his finger-tips blew it a kiss which seemed to light upon it.
And then, as their two faces were reflected next to each other in water so clear that the black weeds at the bottom created a mirror, Jean smiled at the face looking up at him from the depths, and now and then he blew it a kiss from his fingertips that seemed to land on it.
“Oh! how tiresome you are!” she exclaimed. “My dear fellow, you should never do two things at once.”
“Oh! how annoying you are!” she exclaimed. “My dear friend, you should never do two things at the same time.”
He replied: “I am only doing one—loving you.”
He replied, “I’m only doing one thing—loving you.”
She drew herself up and said gravely:
She straightened herself and said seriously:
“What has come over you these ten minutes; have you lost your wits?”
“What’s gotten into you these past ten minutes; have you lost your mind?”
“No, I have not lost my wits. I love you, and at last I dare to tell you so.”
“No, I haven’t lost my mind. I love you, and finally I have the courage to say it.”
They were at this moment both standing in the salt pool wet half-way up to their knees and with dripping hands, holding their nets. They looked into each other’s eyes.
They were both standing in the salt pool at that moment, wet up to their knees with dripping hands, holding their nets. They looked into each other’s eyes.
She went on in a tone of amused annoyance.
She continued in a tone that mixed amusement and irritation.
“How very ill-advised to tell me here and now! Could you not wait till another day instead of spoiling my fishing?”
“How thoughtless of you to tell me this right now! Couldn’t you wait for another day instead of ruining my fishing?”
“Forgive me,” he murmured, “but I could not longer hold my peace. I have loved you a long time. To-day you have intoxicated me and I lost my reason.”
“Forgive me,” he whispered, “but I couldn’t stay quiet any longer. I’ve loved you for a long time. Today, you’ve enchanted me, and I lost my mind.”
Then suddenly she seemed to have resigned herself to talk business and think no more of pleasure.
Then suddenly she appeared to have accepted that it was time to talk business and stopped thinking about pleasure.
“Let us sit down on that stone,” said she, “we can talk more comfortably.” They scrambled up a rather high boulder, and when they had settled themselves side by side in the bright sunshine, she began again:
“Let’s sit down on that rock,” she said, “we can talk more comfortably.” They climbed up a pretty tall boulder, and once they were settled side by side in the bright sunshine, she started again:
“My good friend, you are no longer a child, and I am not a young girl. We both know perfectly well what we are about and we can weigh the consequences of our actions. If you have made up your mind to make love to me to-day I must naturally infer that you wish to marry me.”
“My good friend, you’re no longer a child, and I’m not a young girl. We both know exactly what we’re doing and can consider the consequences of our actions. If you’ve decided to make love to me today, I can only assume that you want to marry me.”
He was not prepared for this matter-of-fact statement of the case, and he answered blandly:
He wasn't ready for this straightforward statement of the situation, and he replied casually:
“Why, yes.”
"Absolutely."
“Have you mentioned it to your father and mother?”
“Have you told your mom and dad about it?”
“No, I wanted to know first whether you would accept me.”
“No, I wanted to know first if you would accept me.”
She held out her hand, which was still wet, and as he eagerly clasped it:
She reached out her hand, which was still wet, and as he eagerly took hold of it:
“I am ready and willing,” she said. “I believe you to be kind and true-hearted. But remember, I should not like to displease your parents.”
“I’m ready and willing,” she said. “I believe you’re kind and genuine. But keep in mind, I wouldn’t want to upset your parents.”
“Oh, do you think that my mother has never foreseen it, or that she would not be as fond of you as she is if she did not hope that you and I should marry?”
“Oh, do you think my mother has never seen it coming, or that she wouldn’t be as fond of you as she is if she didn’t hope that you and I would marry?”
“That is true. I am a little disturbed.”
“That’s true. I’m a bit upset.”
They said no more. He, for his part, was amazed at her being so little disturbed, so rational. He had expected pretty little flirting ways, refusals which meant yes, a whole coquettish comedy of love chequered by prawn-fishing in the splashing water. And it was all over; he was pledged, married with twenty words. They had no more to say about it since they were agreed, and they now sat, both somewhat embarrassed by what had so swiftly passed between them; a little perplexed, indeed, not daring to speak, not daring to fish, not knowing what to do.
They didn't say anything else. He, for his part, was surprised at how calm and rational she was. He had expected some cute flirting, refusals that really meant yes, a whole playful game of love mixed with fishing in the splashing water. But it was all done; he was committed, married with just twenty words. They had nothing more to discuss since they were on the same page, and now they sat there, both a bit awkward about how quickly things had moved between them; a little confused, really, not daring to talk, not daring to fish, not knowing what to do.
Roland’s voice rescued them.
Roland's voice saved them.
“This way, this way, children. Come and watch Beausire. The fellow is positively clearing out the sea!”
“This way, this way, kids. Come and watch Beausire. The guy is seriously emptying the sea!”
The captain had, in fact, had a wonderful haul. Wet above his hips he waded from pool to pool, recognizing the likeliest spots at a glance, and searching all the hollows hidden under sea-weed, with a steady slow sweep of his net. And the beautiful transparent, sandy-gray prawns skipped in his palm as he picked them out of the net with a dry jerk and put them into his creel. Mme. Rosémilly, surprised and delighted, remained at his side, almost forgetful of her promise to Jean, who followed them in a dream, giving herself up entirely to the childish enjoyment of pulling the creatures out from among the waving sea-grasses.
The captain had actually scored an amazing catch. Wet up to his hips, he splashed from pool to pool, instantly spotting the best spots and searching all the hollows hidden beneath seaweed with a slow, steady sweep of his net. The beautiful, translucent, sandy-gray prawns danced in his palm as he quickly pulled them from the net and dropped them into his creel. Madame Rosémilly, surprised and thrilled, stayed by his side, almost forgetting her promise to Jean, who followed them in a daze, completely absorbed in the childlike joy of pulling the creatures out from among the swaying sea grasses.
Roland suddenly exclaimed:
Roland suddenly shouted:
“Ah, here comes Mme. Roland to join us.”
“Ah, here comes Mrs. Roland to join us.”
She had remained at first on the beach with Pierre, for they had neither of them any wish to play at running about among the rocks and paddling in the tide-pools; and yet they had felt doubtful about staying together. She was afraid of him, and her son was afraid of her and of himself; afraid of his own cruelty which he could not control. But they sat down side by side on the stones. And both of them, under the heat of the sun, mitigated by the sea-breeze, gazing at the wide, fair horizon of blue water streaked and shot with silver, thought as if in unison: “How delightful this would have been—once.”
She initially stayed on the beach with Pierre because neither of them wanted to run around the rocks or splash in the tide pools; however, they were uncertain about staying together. She felt afraid of him, and her son was afraid of her and himself; afraid of his own uncontrollable cruelty. But they sat down side by side on the stones. Both of them, under the warm sun tempered by the sea breeze, gazed at the broad, beautiful horizon of blue water streaked with silver and thought together: “How wonderful this would have been—once.”
She did not venture to speak to Pierre, knowing that he would return some hard answer; and he dared not address his mother, knowing that in spite of himself he should speak violently. He sat twitching the water-worn pebbles with the end of his cane, switching them and turning them over. She, with a vague look in her eyes, had picked up three or four little stones and was slowly and mechanically dropping them from one hand into the other. Then her unsettled gaze, wandering over the scene before her, discerned, among the weedy rocks, her son Jean fishing with Mme. Rosémilly. She looked at them, watching their movements, dimly understanding, with motherly instinct, that they were talking as they did not talk every day. She saw them leaning over side by side when they looked into the water, standing face to face when they questioned their hearts, then scrambled up the rock and seated themselves to come to an understanding. Their figures stood out very sharply, looking as if they were alone in the middle of the wide horizon, and assuming a sort of symbolic dignity in that vast expanse of sky and sea and cliff.
She didn’t dare to talk to Pierre, knowing he would reply harshly; and he couldn’t bring himself to speak to his mother, aware that he would end up talking wildly. He sat flicking the smooth pebbles with the end of his cane, nudging them and turning them over. She, with an unfocused look in her eyes, had picked up three or four small stones and was slowly and mechanically switching them from one hand to the other. Then her restless gaze roamed across the scene before her and spotted her son Jean fishing with Mme. Rosémilly among the weedy rocks. She watched them, noticing their movements, instinctively sensing that they were having a conversation that was different from their usual ones. She saw them leaning over side by side to peer into the water, standing face to face as they pondered their feelings, then scrambling up the rocks and sitting down to reach an understanding. Their figures stood out sharply, seeming as if they were alone in the vast horizon, embodying a kind of symbolic dignity against the expansive sky, sea, and cliff.
Pierre, too, was looking at them, and a harsh laugh suddenly broke form his lips. Without turning to him Mme. Roland said:
Pierre was also watching them, and a harsh laugh suddenly escaped his lips. Without turning to him, Mme. Roland said:
“What is it?”
"What's that?"
He spoke with a sneer.
He spoke with a smirk.
“I am learning. Learning how a man lays himself out to be cozened by his wife.”
“I’m learning. Learning how a man sets himself up to be deceived by his wife.”
She flushed with rage, exasperated by the insinuation she believed was intended.
She blushed with anger, frustrated by the suggestion she thought was meant to offend.
“In whose name do you say that?”
“In whose name are you saying that?”
“In Jean’s, by Heaven! It is immensely funny to see those two.”
“In Jean’s, I swear! It’s incredibly funny to see those two.”
She murmured in a low voice, tremulous with feeling: “O Pierre, how cruel you are! That woman is honesty itself. Your brother could not find a better.”
She whispered softly, shaking with emotion: “Oh Pierre, how cruel you are! That woman is the very definition of honesty. Your brother couldn’t find anyone better.”
He laughed aloud, a hard, satirical laugh:
He laughed out loud, a harsh, sarcastic laugh:
“Ha! hah! Hah! Honesty itself! All wives are honesty itself—and all husbands are—betrayed.” And he shouted with laughter.
“Ha! hah! Hah! Pure honesty! All wives are pure honesty—and all husbands are—betrayed.” And he burst out laughing.
She made no reply, but rose, hastily went down the sloping beach, and at the risk of tumbling into one of the rifts hidden by the sea-weed, of breaking a leg or an arm, she hastened, almost running, plunging through the pools without looking, straight to her other son.
She didn't respond, but quickly got up and rushed down the sloping beach. Ignoring the risk of tripping into one of the gaps hidden by the seaweed or breaking a leg or arm, she hurried, almost running, splashing through the pools without looking, straight to her other son.
Seeing her approach, Jean called out:
Seeing her come closer, Jean shouted:
“Well, mother? So you have made the effort?”
“Well, mom? So you’ve put in the effort?”
Without a word she seized him by the arm, as if to say: “Save me, protect me!”
Without saying a word, she grabbed him by the arm, as if to say: “Save me, protect me!”
He saw her agitation, and greatly surprised he said:
He noticed her anxiety, and quite surprised, he said:
“How pale you are! What is the matter?”
“How pale you look! What’s wrong?”
She stammered out:
She stumbled over her words:
“I was nearly falling; I was frightened at the rocks.”
“I was about to fall; I was scared of the rocks.”
So then Jean guided her, supported her, explained the sport to her that she might take an interest in it. But as she scarcely heeded him, and as he was bursting with the desire to confide in some one, he led her away and in a low voice said to her:
So Jean helped her, supported her, and explained the sport to spark her interest in it. But since she barely paid attention to him, and he was eager to share his thoughts with someone, he took her aside and said softly:
“Guess what I have done!”
“Guess what I’ve done!”
“But—what—I don’t know.”
“But—what—I have no idea.”
“Guess.”
"Take a guess."
“I cannot. I don’t know.”
"I can't. I don't know."
“Well, I have told Mme. Rosémilly that I wish to marry her.”
“Well, I told Mme. Rosémilly that I want to marry her.”
She did not answer, for her brain was buzzing, her mind in such distress that she could scarcely take it in. She echoed: “Marry her?”
She didn’t answer, because her head was racing, and her mind was so overwhelmed that she could barely process it. She repeated, “Marry her?”
“Yes. Have I done well? She is charming, do not you think?”
"Yes. Did I do a good job? She's charming, don’t you think?"
“Yes, charming. You have done very well.”
“Yes, charming. You did a great job.”
“Then you approve?”
"Do you approve then?"
“Yes, I approve.”
“Yep, I approve.”
“But how strangely you say so! I could fancy that—that you were not glad.”
“But how strange that you say that! I could imagine that—you weren’t happy.”
“Yes, indeed, I am—very glad.”
“Yes, I am—very glad.”
“Really and truly?”
"Seriously?"
“Really and truly.”
"Seriously."
And to prove it she threw her arms round him and kissed him heartily, with warm motherly kisses. Then, when she had wiped her eyes, which were full of tears, she observed upon the beach a man lying flat at full length like a dead body, his face hidden against the stones; it was the other one, Pierre, sunk in thought and desperation.
And to prove it, she wrapped her arms around him and gave him a big hug, showering him with affectionate, motherly kisses. Once she wiped her eyes, which were filled with tears, she noticed a man lying flat on the beach, looking like a dead body, his face buried against the stones; it was the other one, Pierre, lost in thought and despair.
At this she led her little Jean farther away, quite to the edge of the waves, and there they talked for a long time of this marriage on which he had set his heart.
At this, she took her little Jean further away, right to the edge of the waves, and there they talked for a long time about this marriage that he was so determined about.
The rising tide drove them back to rejoin the fishers, and then they all made their way to the shore. They roused Pierre, who pretended to be sleeping; and then came a long dinner washed down with many kinds of wine.
The rising tide pushed them back to join the fishers, and then they all headed to the shore. They woke up Pierre, who acted like he was still asleep; and then came a long dinner accompanied by various types of wine.
CHAPTER VII
In the break, on their way home, all the men dozed excepting Jean. Beausire and Roland dropped every five minutes on to a neighbour’s shoulder which repelled them with a shove. Then they sat up, ceased to snore, opened their eyes, muttered, “A lovely evening!” and almost immediately fell over on the other side.
In the break, on their way home, all the men dozed off except Jean. Beausire and Roland kept leaning on a neighbor’s shoulder every five minutes, which made them get shoved away. Then they would sit up, stop snoring, open their eyes, mumble, “What a beautiful evening!” and almost immediately topple over to the other side.
By the time they reached Havre their drowsiness was so heavy that they had great difficulty in shaking it off, and Beausire even refused to go to Jean’s rooms where tea was waiting for them. He had to be set down at his own door.
By the time they got to Havre, they were so drowsy that they had a hard time shaking it off, and Beausire even declined to go to Jean’s place where tea was ready for them. He had to be dropped off at his own door.
The young lawyer was to sleep in his new abode for the first time; and he was full of rather puerile glee which had suddenly come over him, at being able, that very evening, to show his betrothed the rooms she was so soon to inhabit.
The young lawyer was about to sleep in his new home for the first time, and he was filled with a somewhat childish joy that suddenly came over him, as he would be able to show his fiancée the rooms she would soon be living in.
The maid had gone to bed, Mme. Roland having declared that she herself would boil the water and make the tea, for she did not like the servants to be kept up for fear of fire.
The maid had gone to bed, and Mme. Roland said she would boil the water and make the tea herself because she didn’t want the staff to stay up out of concern for a fire.
No one had yet been into the lodgings but herself, Jean, and the workmen, that the surprise might be the greater at their being so pretty.
No one had been in the apartment except for herself, Jean, and the workers, so the surprise would be even greater at how nice it looked.
Jean begged them all to wait a moment in the ante-room. He wanted to light the lamps and candles, and he left Mme. Rosémilly in the dark with his father and brother; then he cried: “Come in!” opening the double door to its full width.
Jean asked everyone to wait a moment in the waiting room. He wanted to light the lamps and candles, leaving Mme. Rosémilly in the dark with his father and brother. Then he shouted, “Come in!” as he opened the double doors wide.
The glass gallery, lighted by a chandelier and little coloured lamps hidden among palms, india-rubber plants, and flowers, was first seen like a scene on the stage. There was a spasm of surprise. Roland, dazzled by such luxury, muttered an oath, and felt inclined to clap his hands as if it were a pantomime scene. They then went into the first drawing-room, a small room hung with dead gold and furnished to match. The larger drawing-room—the lawyer’s consulting-room, very simple, hung with light salmon-colour—was dignified in style.
The glass gallery, illuminated by a chandelier and small colored lamps tucked away among palm trees, rubber plants, and flowers, initially felt like a scene from a play. There was a moment of surprise. Roland, taken aback by such luxury, muttered a curse and felt like applauding as if it were a pantomime. They then entered the first drawing room, a small space adorned in dull gold and decorated to match. The larger drawing room—the lawyer’s consulting room—was very simple, draped in a light salmon color, and had an elegant style.
Jean sat down in his arm-chair in front of his writing-table loaded with books, and in a solemn, rather stilted tone, he began:
Jean sat down in his armchair in front of his writing desk piled with books, and in a serious, somewhat formal tone, he started:
“Yes, madame, the letter of the law is explicit, and, assuming the consent I promised you, it affords me absolute certainty that the matter we discussed will come to a happy conclusion within three months.”
“Yes, ma'am, the law is clear, and, assuming the agreement I made with you, it gives me complete confidence that the issue we talked about will resolve successfully within three months.”
He looked at Mme. Rosémilly, who began to smile and glanced at Mme. Roland. Mme. Roland took her hand and pressed it. Jean, in high spirits, cut a caper like a school-boy, exclaiming: “Hah! How well the voice carries in this room; it would be capital for speaking in.”
He looked at Mme. Rosémilly, who started to smile and glanced at Mme. Roland. Mme. Roland took her hand and squeezed it. Jean, feeling cheerful, jumped around like a schoolboy, exclaiming, "Wow! The acoustics in this room are amazing; it would be perfect for giving a speech!"
And he declaimed:
And he declared:
“If humanity alone, if the instinct of natural benevolence which we feel towards all who suffer, were the motive of the acquittal we expect of you, I should appeal to your compassion, gentlemen of the jury, to your hearts as fathers and as men; but we have law on our side, and it is the point of law only which we shall submit to your judgment.”
“If humanity alone, if the natural kindness we feel for everyone who suffers, were the reason we expect you to find us not guilty, I would appeal to your compassion, gentlemen of the jury, to your hearts as fathers and as men; but we have the law on our side, and it is only the legal point that we will present for your judgment.”
Pierre was looking at this home which might have been his, and he was restive under his brother’s frolics, thinking him really too silly and witless.
Pierre was watching this house that could have been his, feeling uneasy with his brother’s playful antics, thinking he was honestly too foolish and clueless.
Mme. Roland opened a door on the right.
Mme. Roland opened a door on the right.
“This is the bed-room,” said she.
“This is the bedroom,” she said.
She had devoted herself to its decoration with all her mother’s love. The hangings were of Rouen cretonne imitating old Normandy chintz, and the Louis XV. design—a shepherdess, in a medallion held in the beaks of a pair of doves—gave the walls, curtains, bed, and arm-chairs a festive, rustic style that was extremely pretty!
She had dedicated herself to decorating it with all her mother’s love. The hangings were made of Rouen cretonne mimicking old Normandy chintz, and the Louis XV design—a shepherdess in a medallion held in the beaks of two doves—gave the walls, curtains, bed, and armchairs a cheerful, rustic vibe that was really lovely!
“Oh, how charming!” Mme. Rosémilly exclaimed, becoming a little serious as they entered the room.
“Oh, how charming!” Mme. Rosémilly exclaimed, becoming a bit serious as they walked into the room.
“Do you like it?” asked Jean.
“Do you like it?” Jean asked.
“Immensely.”
"Very much."
“You cannot imagine how glad I am.”
“You can’t imagine how happy I am.”
They looked at each other for a second, with confiding tenderness in the depths of their eyes.
They gazed at each other for a moment, with a trusting warmth in the depths of their eyes.
She had felt a little awkward, however, a little abashed, in this room which was to be hers. She noticed as she went in that the bed was a large one, quite a family bed, chosen by Mme. Roland, who had no doubt foreseen and hoped that her son should soon marry; and this motherly foresight pleased her, for it seemed to tell her that she was expected in the family.
She felt a bit awkward and embarrassed in the room that was supposed to be hers. As she walked in, she noticed the bed was quite large, more like a family bed, picked out by Mme. Roland, who likely anticipated and hoped that her son would marry soon. This motherly thoughtfulness made her feel good, as it seemed to indicate that she was welcomed into the family.
When they had returned to the drawing-room Jean abruptly threw open the door to the left, showing the circular dining-room with three windows, and decorated to imitate a Chinese lantern. Mother and son had here lavished all the fancy of which they were capable, and the room, with its bamboo furniture, its mandarins, jars, silk hangings glistening with gold, transparent blinds threaded with beads looking like drops of water, fans nailed to the wall to drape the hangings on, screens, swords, masks, cranes made of real feathers, and a myriad trifles in china, wood, paper, ivory, mother-of-pearl, and bronze, had the pretentious and extravagant aspect which unpractised hands and uneducated eyes inevitably stamp on things which need the utmost tact, taste, and artistic education. Nevertheless it was the most admired; only Pierre made some observations with rather bitter irony which hurt his brother’s feelings.
When they got back to the living room, Jean suddenly threw open the door to the left, revealing the circular dining room with three windows, decorated to look like a Chinese lantern. Mother and son had poured all their creativity into this space, which featured bamboo furniture, mandarins, jars, silk hangings shimmering with gold, sheer blinds threaded with beads that looked like drops of water, fans nailed to the wall to drape the hangings, screens, swords, masks, cranes made of real feathers, and countless little knickknacks made of china, wood, paper, ivory, mother-of-pearl, and bronze. The room had a showy and extravagant feel that inexperienced hands and untrained eyes inevitably give things that require great taste and artistic skill. Still, it was the most admired; only Pierre made some remarks with a hint of bitter irony that stung his brother's feelings.
Pyramids of fruit stood on the table and monuments of cakes. No one was hungry; they picked at the fruit and nibbled at the cakes rather than ate them. Then, at the end of about an hour, Mme. Rosémilly begged to take leave. It was decided that old Roland should accompany her home and set out with her forthwith; while Mme. Roland, in the maid’s absence, should cast a maternal eye over the house and see that her son had all he needed.
Pyramids of fruit stood on the table along with towers of cakes. No one was hungry; they picked at the fruit and nibbled on the cakes instead of actually eating them. After about an hour, Mme. Rosémilly asked to leave. They decided that old Roland would walk her home and set out with her right away, while Mme. Roland, with the maid missing, would keep a watchful eye on the house and make sure her son had everything he needed.
“Shall I come back for you?” asked Roland.
“Should I come back for you?” asked Roland.
She hesitated a moment and then said: “No, dear old man; go to bed. Pierre will see me home.”
She paused for a moment and then said, “No, dear old man; go to bed. Pierre will take me home.”
As soon as they were gone she blew out the candles, locked up the cakes, the sugar, and liqueurs in a cupboard of which she gave the key to Jean; then she went into the bed-room, turned down the bed, saw that there was fresh water in the water-bottle, and that the window was properly closed.
As soon as they left, she blew out the candles, locked away the cakes, sugar, and liqueurs in a cupboard, giving the key to Jean. Then, she went into the bedroom, turned down the bed, checked that there was fresh water in the water bottle, and made sure the window was securely closed.
Pierre and Jean had remained in the little outer drawing-room; the younger still sore under the criticism passed on his taste, and the elder chafing more and more at seeing his brother in this abode. They both sat smoking without a word. Pierre suddenly started to his feet.
Pierre and Jean had stayed in the small outer living room; the younger one still stung by the criticism of his taste, and the older one increasingly annoyed at having his brother in this place. They both sat there smoking in silence. Suddenly, Pierre jumped to his feet.
“Cristi!” he exclaimed. “The widow looked very jaded this evening. Long excursions do not improve her.”
“Cristi!” he exclaimed. “The widow seemed really worn out this evening. Long trips don’t do her any favors.”
Jean felt his spirit rising with one of those sudden and furious rages which boil up in easy-going natures when they are wounded to the quick. He could hardly find breath to speak, so fierce was his excitement, and he stammered out:
Jean felt his anger rising in one of those sudden and intense bursts that can overwhelm easygoing people when they're deeply hurt. He could barely catch his breath to speak, so strong was his emotion, and he stammered out:
“I forbid you ever again to say ‘the widow’ when you speak of Mme. Rosémilly.”
“I forbid you to ever say ‘the widow’ again when you talk about Mme. Rosémilly.”
Pierre turned on him haughtily:
Pierre turned on him arrogantly:
“You are giving me an order, I believe. Are you gone mad by any chance?”
“You're giving me an order, I see. Have you lost your mind or something?”
Jean had pulled himself up.
Jean had lifted himself up.
“I am not gone mad, but I have had enough of your manners to me.”
“I haven't lost my mind, but I've had it with the way you treat me.”
Pierre sneered: “To you? And are you any part of Mme. Rosémilly?”
Pierre sneered, “To you? And are you even a part of Mrs. Rosémilly?”
“You are to know that Mme. Rosémilly is about to become my wife.”
“You should know that Mme. Rosémilly is about to become my wife.”
Pierre laughed the louder.
Pierre laughed louder.
“Ah! ha! very good. I understand now why I should no longer speak of her as ‘the widow.’ But you have taken a strange way of announcing your engagement.”
“Ah! ha! very good. I get it now, why I shouldn’t refer to her as ‘the widow.’ But you’ve chosen a pretty odd way to announce your engagement.”
“I forbid any jesting about it. Do you hear? I forbid it.”
“I don’t want to hear any jokes about it. Do you understand? I don’t want it.”
Jean had come close up to him, pale, and his voice quivering with exasperation at this irony levelled at the woman he loved and had chosen.
Jean had stepped right up to him, looking pale, and his voice shook with frustration at the irony aimed at the woman he loved and had chosen.
But on a sudden Pierre turned equally furious. All the accumulation of impotent rage, of suppressed malignity, of rebellion choked down for so long past, all his unspoken despair mounted to his brain, bewildering it like a fit.
But suddenly, Pierre became just as furious. All the pent-up anger, suppressed bitterness, and rebellion he had held back for so long, along with all his unspoken despair, surged to his head, overwhelming him like a fit.
“How dare you? How dare you? I order you to hold your tongue—do you hear? I order you.”
“How dare you? How dare you? I command you to be quiet—do you hear me? I command you.”
Jean, startled by his violence, was silent for a few seconds, trying in the confusion of mind which comes of rage to hit on the thing, the phrase, the word, which might stab his brother to the heart. He went on, with an effort to control himself that he might aim true, and to speak slowly that the words might hit more keenly:
Jean, shocked by his aggression, paused for a few seconds, trying to find the right thing to say—the phrase, the word—that could hurt his brother deeply. He continued, making an effort to stay calm so he could aim accurately, and speaking slowly so his words would land more powerfully:
“I have known for a long time that you were jealous of me, ever since the day when you first began to talk of ‘the widow’ because you knew it annoyed me.”
“I’ve known for a long time that you were jealous of me, ever since the day you first started talking about ‘the widow’ because you knew it bothered me.”
Pierre broke into one of those strident and scornful laughs which were common with him.
Pierre let out one of those sharp and mocking laughs that he was known for.
“Ah! ah! Good Heavens! Jealous of you! I? I? And of what? Good God! Of your person or your mind?”
“Ah! Ah! Oh my God! Jealous of you? Me? And why? Seriously! Your looks or your intelligence?”
But Jean knew full well that he had touched the wound in his soul.
But Jean knew full well that he had touched the hurt in his soul.
“Yes, jealous of me—jealous from your childhood up. And it became fury when you saw that this woman liked me best and would have nothing to say to you.”
“Yes, jealous of me—jealous since you were a kid. And it turned into rage when you realized that this woman liked me the most and wanted nothing to do with you.”
Pierre, stung to the quick by this assumption, stuttered out:
Pierre, hurt by this assumption, stammered:
“I? I? Jealous of you? And for the sake of that goose, that gaby, that simpleton?”
“I? Jealous of you? Over that idiot, that fool, that simpleton?”
Jean, seeing that he was aiming true, went on:
Jean, noticing that he was on target, continued:
“And how about the day when you tried to pull me round in the Pearl? And all you said in her presence to show off? Why, you are bursting with jealousy! And when this money was left to me you were maddened, you hated me, you showed it in every possible way, and made every one suffer for it; not an hour passes that you do not spit out the bile that is choking you.”
“And what about the day you tried to impress me with the Pearl? And everything you said to show off in front of her? You're just overflowing with jealousy! And when that money was left to me, you went crazy; you hated me, and you made sure everyone felt it. Not a single hour goes by that you don't vent the anger that's eating you up inside.”
Pierre clenched his fist in his fury with an almost irresistible impulse to fly at his brother and seize him by the throat.
Pierre clenched his fist in anger, feeling an almost overwhelming urge to rush at his brother and grab him by the throat.
“Hold your tongue,” he cried. “At least say nothing about that money.”
“Keep quiet,” he shouted. “At least don’t say anything about that money.”
Jean went on:
Jean continued:
“Why your jealousy oozes out at every pore. You never say a word to my father, my mother, or me that does not declare it plainly. You pretend to despise me because you are jealous. You try to pick a quarrel with every one because you are jealous. And now that I am rich you can no longer contain yourself; you have become venomous, you torture our poor mother as if she were to blame!”
“Your jealousy just pours out of you. You never say anything to my dad, my mom, or me that doesn’t make it obvious. You act like you look down on me because you’re jealous. You try to start fights with everyone because you’re jealous. And now that I’m wealthy, you can’t hold it in anymore; you’ve become bitter, and you’re torturing our poor mom as if it’s her fault!”
Pierre had retired step by step as far as the fire-place, his mouth half open, his eyes glaring, a prey to one of those mad fits of passion in which a crime is committed.
Pierre had slowly backed away to the fireplace, his mouth half open, his eyes wide with rage, caught in one of those insane fits of passion where a crime can happen.
He said again in a lower tone, gasping for breath: “Hold your tongue—for God’s sake hold your tongue!”
He said again in a quieter tone, breathless: “Keep quiet—for God’s sake, keep quiet!”
“No! For a long time I have been wanting to give you my whole mind! You have given me an opening—so much the worse for you. I love the woman; you know it, and laugh her to scorn in my presence—so much the worse for you. But I will break your viper’s fangs, I tell you. I will make you treat me with respect.”
“No! I’ve wanted to share everything I’m thinking for a long time! You’ve given me a chance—too bad for you. I love that woman; you know it, and you mock her right in front of me—too bad for you. But I’ll take away your spiteful power, I promise you. I will make you show me some respect.”
“With respect—you?”
“With respect—what about you?”
“Yes—me.”
“Yeah—me.”
“Respect you? You who have brought shame on us all by your greed.”
“Respect you? You, who have embarrassed us all with your greed.”
“You say—? Say it again—again.”
"You say—? Say it again."
“I say that it does not do to accept one man’s fortune when another is reputed to be your father.”
“I think it’s wrong to take one person’s good luck while another is believed to be your father.”
Jean stood rigid, not understanding, dazed by the insinuation he scented.
Jean stood frozen, confused, overwhelmed by the hint he sensed.
“What? Repeat that once more.”
"What? Say that again."
“I say—what everybody is muttering, what every gossip is blabbing—that you are the son of the man who left you his fortune. Well, then—a decent man does not take the money which brings dishonour on his mother.”
“I’m saying what everyone is whispering, what every gossip is spreading—that you are the son of the man who left you his fortune. So, a decent person doesn’t accept money that brings shame to his mother.”
“Pierre! Pierre! Pierre! Think what you are saying. You? Is it you who give utterance to this infamous thing?”
“Pierre! Pierre! Pierre! Think about what you're saying. You? Is it you who is saying this awful thing?”
“Yes, I. It is I. Have you not seen me crushed with woe this month past, spending my nights without sleep and my days in lurking out of sight like an animal? I hardly know what I am doing or what will become of me, so miserable am I, so crazed with shame and grief; for first I guessed—and now I know it.”
“Yes, it’s me. Have you not seen me overwhelmed with sorrow this past month, spending my nights without sleep and my days hiding away like some animal? I can barely understand what I’m doing or what will happen to me, I’m so miserable, so consumed with shame and grief; for I first suspected it—and now I know.”
“Pierre! Be silent. Mother is in the next room. Remember she may hear—she must hear.”
“Pierre! Be quiet. Mom is in the next room. Remember she might hear—she has to hear.”
But Pierre felt that he must unburden his heart. He told Jean all his suspicions, his arguments, his struggles, his assurance, and the history of the portrait—which had again disappeared. He spoke in short broken sentences almost without coherence—the language of a sleep-walker.
But Pierre felt he needed to get everything off his chest. He told Jean all his suspicions, his reasons, his struggles, his confidence, and the story of the portrait—which had gone missing again. He spoke in short, fragmented sentences, almost without making sense—the language of a sleepwalker.
He seemed to have quite forgotten Jean, and his mother in the adjoining room. He talked as if no one were listening, because he must talk, because he had suffered too much and smothered and closed the wound too tightly. It had festered like an abscess and the abscess had burst, splashing every one. He was pacing the room in the way he almost always did, his eyes fixed on vacancy, gesticulating in a frenzy of despair, his voice choked with tearless sobs and revulsions of self-loathing; he spoke as if he were making a confession of his own misery and that of his nearest kin, as though he were casting his woes to the deaf, invisible winds which bore away his words.
He seemed to have completely forgotten about Jean and his mother in the next room. He talked as if no one were listening, because he needed to talk, because he had suffered too much and had buried the wound too deep. It had festered like an abscess, and the abscess had burst, splattering everyone. He was pacing the room like he usually did, his eyes staring into space, gesturing wildly in a frenzy of despair, his voice choked with tearless sobs and deep self-hatred; he spoke as if he were confessing his own misery and that of his closest family, as if he were casting his troubles to the deaf, invisible winds that carried away his words.
Jean, distracted and almost convinced on a sudden by his brother’s blind vehemence, was leaning against the door behind which, as he guessed, their mother had heard them.
Jean, distracted and almost swayed suddenly by his brother's intense passion, was leaning against the door behind which, he suspected, their mother had eavesdropped.
She could not get out, she must come through his room. She had not come; then it was because she dare not.
She couldn't get out; she had to go through his room. She hadn't come; it was because she was too scared.
Suddenly Pierre stamped his foot.
Suddenly, Pierre stomped his foot.
“I am a brute,” he cried, “to have told you this.”
“I’m such a jerk,” he shouted, “for having told you this.”
And he fled, bare-headed, down the stairs.
And he ran down the stairs without a hat.
The noise of the front-door closing with a slam roused Jean from the deep stupor into which he had fallen. Some seconds had elapsed, longer than hours, and his spirit had sunk into the numb torpor of idiocy. He was conscious, indeed, that he must presently think and act, but he would wait, refusing to understand, to know, to remember, out of fear, weakness, cowardice. He was one of those procrastinators who put everything off till to-morrow; and when he was compelled to come to a decision then and there, still he instinctively tried to gain a few minutes.
The sound of the front door slamming woke Jean from the deep stupor he had fallen into. A few seconds had passed, feeling longer than hours, and his mind had sunk into a dull haze. He was aware that he needed to think and act soon, but he chose to wait, refusing to confront the reality, to know, or to remember, out of fear, weakness, and cowardice. He was one of those procrastinators who pushed everything off until tomorrow; and when he was forced to make a decision right then, he would still instinctively try to buy himself a few more minutes.
But the perfect silence which now reigned, after Pierre’s vociferations, the sudden stillness of walls and furniture, with the bright light of six wax candles and two lamps, terrified him so greatly that he suddenly longed to make his escape too.
But the absolute silence that now filled the room, after Pierre's loud outbursts, the sudden stillness of the walls and furniture, along with the bright light of six candles and two lamps, scared him so much that he suddenly felt the urge to escape as well.
Then he roused his brain, roused his heart, and tried to reflect.
Then he woke up his mind, stirred his heart, and tried to think.
Never in his life had he had to face a difficulty. There are men who let themselves glide onward like running water. He had been duteous over his tasks for fear of punishment, and had got through his legal studies with credit because his existence was tranquil. Everything in the world seemed to him quite natural and never aroused his particular attention. He loved order, steadiness, and peace, by temperament, his nature having no complications; and face to face with this catastrophe, he found himself like a man who has fallen into the water and cannot swim.
Never in his life had he faced any challenges. Some people just go through life effortlessly, like flowing water. He had diligently completed his tasks out of fear of consequences and had successfully finished his legal studies because his life was calm. Everything in the world seemed perfectly normal to him and never caught his special attention. He valued order, stability, and peace; by nature, he was uncomplicated. But when confronted with this crisis, he felt like someone who had fallen into deep water and couldn’t swim.
At first he tried to be incredulous. His brother had told a lie, out of hatred and jealousy. But yet, how could he have been so vile as to say such a thing of their mother if he had not himself been distraught by despair? Besides, stamped on Jean’s ear, on his sight, on his nerves, on the inmost fibres of his flesh, were certain words, certain tones of anguish, certain gestures of Pierre’s, so full of suffering that they were irresistibly convincing; as incontrovertible as certainty itself.
At first, he tried to be skeptical. His brother had lied out of hatred and jealousy. But still, how could he have been so cruel as to say something like that about their mother if he wasn't himself consumed by despair? Besides, imprinted on Jean’s ear, on his sight, on his nerves, and on the deepest parts of his being, were specific words, certain tones of anguish, and particular gestures from Pierre that were so filled with suffering that they were utterly convincing; as undeniable as certainty itself.
He was too much crushed to stir or even to will. His distress became unbearable; and he knew that behind the door was his mother who had heard everything and was waiting.
He felt too overwhelmed to move or even to think. His pain became intolerable, and he realized that his mother was on the other side of the door, who had heard everything and was waiting.
What was she doing? Not a movement, not a shudder, not a breath, not a sigh revealed the presence of a living creature behind that panel. Could she have run away? But how? If she had run away—she must have jumped out of the window into the street. A shock of terror roused him—so violent and imperious that he drove the door in rather than opened it, and flung himself into the bed-room.
What was she doing? Not a movement, not a shudder, not a breath, not a sigh revealed the presence of a living being behind that panel. Could she have run away? But how? If she had run away—she must have jumped out of the window into the street. A wave of terror jolted him—so intense and commanding that he kicked the door in instead of opening it and threw himself into the bedroom.
It was apparently empty, lighted by a single candle standing on the chest of drawers.
It was clearly empty, lit by a single candle on the dresser.
Jean flew to the window; it was shut and the shutters bolted. He looked about him, peering into the dark corners with anxious eyes, and he then noticed that the bed-curtains were drawn. He ran forward and opened them. His mother was lying on the bed, her face buried in the pillow which she had pulled up over her ears that she might hear no more.
Jean rushed to the window; it was closed and the shutters were secured. He glanced around, scanning the dark corners with worried eyes, and then realized that the bed curtains were drawn. He hurried over and pulled them open. His mother was lying on the bed, her face pressed into the pillow, which she had pulled up over her ears to block out any more noise.
At first he thought she had smothered herself. Then, taking her by the shoulders, he turned her over without her leaving go of the pillow, which covered her face, and in which she had set her teeth to keep herself from crying out.
At first, he thought she had suffocated herself. Then, taking her by the shoulders, he flipped her over without her letting go of the pillow that covered her face, and into which she had bit down to stop herself from crying out.
But the mere touch of this rigid form, of those arms so convulsively clinched, communicated to him the shock of her unspeakable torture. The strength and determination with which she clutched the linen case full of feathers with her hands and teeth, over her mouth and eyes and ears, that he might neither see her nor speak to her, gave him an idea, by the turmoil it roused in him, of the pitch suffering may rise to, and his heart, his simple heart, was torn with pity. He was no judge, not he; not even a merciful judge; he was a man full of weakness and a son full of love. He remembered nothing of what his brother had told him; he neither reasoned nor argued, he merely laid his two hands on his mother’s inert body, and not being able to pull the pillow away, he exclaimed, kissing her dress:
But just the touch of this rigid figure, of those arms so tightly clenched, conveyed to him the shock of her unimaginable suffering. The strength and determination with which she gripped the linen case full of feathers with her hands and teeth, covering her mouth, eyes, and ears so that he could neither see nor speak to her, stirred such turmoil within him that he realized just how high suffering could rise, and his heart, his simple heart, was filled with pity. He was no judge, definitely not; not even a merciful one; he was a man filled with weakness and a son full of love. He didn't remember anything his brother had told him; he didn't reason or argue, he simply placed his hands on his mother’s lifeless body, and unable to pull the pillow away, he exclaimed, kissing her dress:
“Mother, mother, my poor mother, look at me!”
“Mom, mom, my poor mom, look at me!”
She would have seemed to be dead but that an almost imperceptible shudder ran through all her limbs, the vibration of a strained cord. And he repeated:
She looked like she was dead, except for a barely noticeable shudder that ran through her limbs, like the vibration of a tense string. And he said again:
“Mother, mother, listen to me. It is not true. I know that it is not true.”
“Mom, Mom, listen to me. It's not true. I know it's not true.”
A spasm seemed to come over her, a fit of suffocation; then she suddenly began to sob into the pillow. Her sinews relaxed, her rigid muscles yielded, her fingers gave way and left go of the linen; and he uncovered her face.
A spasm seemed to take hold of her, a choking sensation; then she suddenly started to cry into the pillow. Her muscles relaxed, her tense body softened, her fingers loosened and released the linen; and he uncovered her face.
She was pale, quite colourless; and from under her closed lids tears were stealing. He threw his arms round her neck and kissed her eyes, slowly, with long heart-broken kisses, wet with her tears; and he said again and again:
She was pale, completely colorless; and tears were streaming from beneath her closed eyelids. He wrapped his arms around her neck and kissed her eyes softly, with long, heartbroken kisses, drenched in her tears; and he repeated again and again:
“Mother, my dear mother, I know it is not true. Do not cry; I know it. It is not true.”
“Mom, my dear mom, I know it’s not true. Don’t cry; I know it. It’s not true.”
She raised herself, she sat up, looked in his face, and with an effort of courage such as it must cost in some cases to kill one’s self, she said:
She pushed herself up, sat up straight, looked at his face, and with a brave effort, like what it must take in some cases to end one’s own life, she said:
“No, my child; it is true.”
“No, my child; it is true.”
And they remained speechless, each in the presence of the other. For some minutes she seemed again to be suffocating, craning her throat and throwing back her head to get breath; then she once more mastered herself and went on:
And they stood there silent, each in front of the other. For a few minutes, she appeared to be struggling to breathe, stretching her neck and tilting her head back to get air; then she composed herself again and continued:
“It is true, my child. Why lie about it? It is true. You would not believe me if I denied it.”
“It’s true, my child. Why lie about it? It’s true. You wouldn’t believe me if I denied it.”
She looked like a crazy creature. Overcome by alarm, he fell on his knees by the bedside, murmuring:
She looked like a wild creature. Overwhelmed with fear, he dropped to his knees by the bedside, murmuring:
“Hush, mother, be silent.” She stood up with terrible determination and energy.
“Hush, mom, be quiet.” She stood up with fierce determination and energy.
“I have nothing more to say, my child. Good-bye.” And she went towards the door.
“I don’t have anything else to say, my child. Goodbye.” And she walked toward the door.
He threw his arms about her exclaiming:
He wrapped his arms around her, exclaiming:
“What are you doing, mother; where are you going?”
“What are you doing, Mom; where are you going?”
“I do not know. How should I know—There is nothing left for me to do, now that I am alone.”
“I don’t know. How am I supposed to know—There’s nothing left for me to do, now that I’m alone.”
She struggled to be released. Holding her firmly, he could find only words to say again and again:
She fought to break free. Gripping her tightly, all he could do was repeat his words over and over:
“Mother, mother, mother!” And through all her efforts to free herself she was saying:
“Mom, mom, mom!” And throughout all her attempts to escape, she kept saying:
“No, no. I am not your mother now, poor boy—good-bye.”
“No, no. I’m not your mother now, poor kid—goodbye.”
It struck him clearly that if he let her go now he should never see her again; lifting her up in his arms he carried her to an arm-chair, forced her into it, and kneeling down in front of her barred her in with his arms.
It hit him hard that if he let her go now, he would never see her again; lifting her up in his arms, he carried her to an armchair, pushed her into it, and kneeling down in front of her, he surrounded her with his arms.
“You shall not quit this spot, mother. I love you and I will keep you! I will keep you always—I love you and you are mine.”
“You can’t leave this place, mom. I love you and I’ll take care of you! I’ll take care of you forever—I love you and you belong to me.”
She murmured in a dejected tone:
She said softly, sounding sad:
“No, my poor boy, it is impossible. You weep to-night, but to-morrow you would turn me out of the house. You, even you, could not forgive me.”
“No, my poor boy, that's impossible. You're crying tonight, but tomorrow you would kick me out of the house. You, even you, couldn't forgive me.”
He replied: “I? I? How little you know me!” with such a burst of genuine affection that, with a cry, she seized his head by the hair with both hands, and dragging him violently to her kissed him distractedly all over his face.
He responded, “Me? Me? You really don’t know me at all!” with such a wave of true affection that, with a shout, she grabbed his hair with both hands, yanked him toward her, and kissed him all over his face in a frenzy.
Then she sat still, her cheek against his, feeling the warmth of his skin through his beard, and she whispered in his ear: “No, my little Jean, you would not forgive me to-morrow. You think so, but you deceive yourself. You have forgiven me this evening, and that forgiveness has saved my life; but you must never see me again.”
Then she sat still, her cheek against his, feeling the warmth of his skin through his beard, and she whispered in his ear: “No, my little Jean, you wouldn’t forgive me tomorrow. You think so, but you’re lying to yourself. You’ve forgiven me this evening, and that forgiveness has saved my life; but you must never see me again.”
And he repeated, clasping her in his arms:
And he said again, holding her in his arms:
“Mother, do not say that.”
“Mom, don’t say that.”
“Yes, my child, I must go away. I do not know where, nor how I shall set about it, nor what I shall do; but it must be done. I could never look at you, nor kiss you, do you understand?”
“Yes, my child, I have to leave. I don’t know where I’m going, how I’ll get there, or what I’ll do; but it has to happen. I could never look at you, nor kiss you, do you understand?”
Then he in his turn spoke into her ear:
Then he leaned in and spoke into her ear:
“My little mother, you are to stay, because I insist, because I want you. And you must pledge your word to obey me, now, at once.”
“My dear mother, you have to stay, because I insist, because I want you here. And you need to promise me that you’ll do as I ask, right now.”
“No, my child.”
“No, sweetheart.”
“Yes, mother, you must; do you hear? You must.”
“Yes, mom, you have to; do you hear me? You have to.”
“No, my child, it is impossible. It would be condemning us all to the tortures of hell. I know what that torment is; I have known it this month past. Your feelings are touched now, but when that is over, when you look on me as Pierre does, when you remember what I have told you—oh, my Jean, think—think—I am your mother!”
“Not at all, my child, that’s not possible. It would be dooming us all to the torments of hell. I know what that suffering is; I’ve felt it this past month. Your emotions are stirred now, but once that fades, when you see me the way Pierre does, when you recall what I’ve said—oh, my Jean, please—think—think—I am your mother!”
“I will not let you leave me, mother. I have no one but you.”
“I won't let you leave me, Mom. You're all I have.”
“But think, my son, we can never see each other again without both of us blushing, without my feeling that I must die of shame, without my eyes falling before yours.”
“But think, my son, we can never see each other again without both of us feeling embarrassed, without me feeling like I want to die of shame, without my eyes looking down when I see yours.”
“But it is not so, mother.”
“But that's not true, Mom.”
“Yes, yes, yes, it is so! Oh, I have understood all your poor brother’s struggles, believe me! All—from the very first day. Now, when I hear his step in the house my heart beats as if it would burst, when I hear his voice I am ready to faint. I still had you; now I have you no longer. Oh, my little Jean! Do you think I could live between you two?”
“Yes, yes, yes, it is true! Oh, I’ve understood all your poor brother’s struggles, believe me! Everything—from the very first day. Now, when I hear him come into the house, my heart beats like it’s going to burst; when I hear his voice, I’m ready to faint. I still had you; now I don’t have you anymore. Oh, my little Jean! Do you think I could live between you two?”
“Yes, I should love you so much that you would cease to think of it.”
“Yes, I should love you so much that you wouldn't even think about it anymore.”
“As if that were possible!”
“Like that would ever happen!”
“But it is possible.”
"But it can happen."
“How do you suppose that I could cease to think of it, with your brother and you on each hand? Would you cease to think of it, I ask you?”
“How do you think I could stop thinking about it, with your brother and you on either side? Would you be able to stop thinking about it, I ask you?”
“I? I swear I should.”
"I? I swear I will."
“Why you would think of it at every hour of the day.”
“Why would you think about it every hour of the day?”
“No, I swear it. Besides, listen, if you go away I will enlist and get killed.”
“No, I swear. Plus, listen, if you leave, I will join up and get killed.”
This boyish threat quite overcame her; she clasped Jean in a passionate and tender embrace. He went on:
This boyish threat completely overwhelmed her; she pulled Jean into a passionate and tender hug. He continued:
“I love you more than you think—ah, much more, much more. Come, be reasonable. Try to stay for only one week. Will you promise me one week? You cannot refuse me that?”
“I love you more than you realize—oh, way more, so much more. Come on, be reasonable. Just stay for one week. Will you promise me one week? You can’t say no to that?”
She laid her two hands on Jean’s shoulders, and holding him at arm’s length she said:
She put her hands on Jean’s shoulders and, keeping him at arm's length, said:
“My child, let us try and be calm and not give way to emotions. First, listen to me. If I were ever to hear from your lips what I have heard for this month past from your brother, if I were once to see in your eyes what I read in his, if I could fancy from a word or a look that I was as odious to you as I am to him—within one hour, mark me—within one hour I should be gone forever.”
“My child, let's try to stay calm and not get carried away by our emotions. First, just listen to me. If I ever hear you say what I’ve heard from your brother this past month, if I ever see in your eyes what I see in his, if I get even a hint from a word or a glance that I am as detestable to you as I am to him—within an hour, mark my words—within an hour, I would be gone forever.”
“Mother, I swear to you—”
“Mom, I swear to you—”
“Let me speak. For a month past I have suffered all that any creature can suffer. From the moment when I perceived that your brother, my other son, suspected me, that as the minutes went by, he guessed the truth, every moment of my life has been a martyrdom which no words could tell you.”
“Let me talk. For the past month, I have endured everything that anyone can endure. From the moment I realized that your brother, my other son, suspected me, and as time went on, he started to figure out the truth, every moment of my life has been a torment that no words can express.”
Her voice was so full of woe that the contagion of her misery brought the tears to Jean’s eyes.
Her voice was so full of sadness that her misery was contagious, bringing tears to Jean's eyes.
He tried to kiss her, but she held him off.
He tried to kiss her, but she pushed him away.
“Leave me—listen; I still have so much to say to make you understand. But you never can understand. You see, if I stayed—I must—no, no. I cannot.”
“Leave me—listen; I still have so much to say to help you understand. But you’ll never really understand. You see, if I stayed—I must—no, no. I can’t.”
“Speak on, mother, speak.”
"Go ahead, mom, speak."
“Yes, indeed, for at least I shall not have deceived you. You want me to stay with you? For what—for us to be able to see each other, speak to each other, meet at any hour of the day at home, for I no longer dare open a door for fear of finding your brother behind it. If we are to do that, you must not forgive me—nothing is so wounding as forgiveness—but you must owe me no grudge for what I have done. You must feel yourself strong enough, and so far unlike the rest of the world, as to be able to say to yourself that you are not Roland’s son without blushing for the fact or despising me. I have suffered enough—I have suffered too much; I can bear no more, no indeed, no more! And it is not a thing of yesterday, mind you, but of long, long years. But you could never understand that; how should you! If you and I are to live together and kiss each other, my little Jean, you must believe that though I was your father’s mistress I was yet more truly his wife, his real wife; that, at the bottom of my heart, I cannot be ashamed of it; that I have no regrets; that I love him still even in death; that I shall always love him and never loved any other man; that he was my life, my joy, my hope, my comfort, everything—everything in the world to me for so long! Listen, my boy, before God, who hears me, I should never have had a joy in my existence if I had not met him; never anything—not a touch of tenderness or kindness, not one of those hours which make us regret growing old—nothing. I owe everything to him! I had but him in the world, and you two boys, your brother and you. But for you, all would have been empty, dark, and void as the night. I should never have loved, or known, or cared for anything—I should not even have wept—for I have wept, my little Jean; oh, yes, and bitter tears, since we came to Havre. I was his wholly and forever; for ten years I was as much his wife as he was my husband before God who created us for each other. And then I began to see that he loved me less. He was always kind and courteous, but I was not what I had been to him. It was all over! Oh, how I have cried! How dreadful and delusive life is! Nothing lasts. Then we came here—I never saw him again; he never came. He promised it in every letter. I was always expecting him, and I never saw him again—and now he is dead! But he still cared for us since he remembered you. I shall love him to my latest breath, and I never will deny him, and I love you because you are his child, and I could never be ashamed of him before you. Do you understand? I could not. So if you wish me to remain you must accept the situation as his son, and we will talk of him sometimes; and you must love him a little and we must think of him when we look at each other. If you will not do this—if you cannot—then good-bye, my child; it is impossible that we should live together. Now, I will act by your decision.”
“Yes, absolutely, at least I won’t have deceived you. Do you want me to stay with you? For what—for us to see each other, talk to each other, meet at any hour at home, when I can’t even dare to open a door for fear of finding your brother behind it? If we’re going to do that, you can’t forgive me—nothing is more painful than forgiveness—but you must hold no grudge against me for what I’ve done. You have to feel strong enough, and so different from the rest of the world, that you can tell yourself you’re not Roland’s son without feeling ashamed or looking down on me. I’ve suffered enough—I’ve suffered too much; I can’t take any more, truly, no more! And this isn’t something that happened yesterday, mind you, but over many, many years. But you could never understand that; how could you! If you and I are going to live together and kiss each other, my little Jean, you have to believe that even though I was your father’s mistress, I was more truly his wife, his real wife; that deep down in my heart, I can’t be ashamed of it; that I have no regrets; that I still love him even in death; that I will always love him and never loved any other man; that he was my life, my joy, my hope, my comfort, everything—everything in the world to me for so long! Listen, my boy, before God, who hears me, I would never have known joy in my life if I hadn’t met him; never anything—not a touch of tenderness or kindness, not one of those hours that make us wish we weren’t growing old—nothing. I owe everything to him! I had only him in the world, and you two boys, your brother and you. Without you, everything would have been empty, dark, and void like the night. I would never have loved, or known, or cared about anything—I wouldn’t even have cried—for I have cried, my little Jean; oh yes, and bitter tears, since we came to Havre. I was entirely his and forever; for ten years, I was as much his wife as he was my husband before God who created us for each other. And then I started to see that he loved me less. He was always kind and polite, but I was no longer what I had been to him. It was all over! Oh, how I have cried! How terrible and deceptive life is! Nothing lasts. Then we came here—I never saw him again; he never came. He promised in every letter. I was always waiting for him, and I never saw him again—and now he’s dead! But he still cared for us since he remembered you. I will love him until my last breath, and I will never deny him, and I love you because you are his child, and I could never be ashamed of him in front of you. Do you understand? I couldn’t. So if you want me to stay, you have to accept the situation as his son, and we’ll talk about him sometimes; and you have to love him a little, and we must think of him when we look at each other. If you cannot do this—if you can’t—then goodbye, my child; it will be impossible for us to live together. Now, I will act based on your decision.”
Jean replied gently:
Jean responded softly:
“Stay, mother.”
“Stay, Mom.”
She clasped him in her arms, and her tears flowed again; then, with her face against his, she went on:
She held him tightly in her arms, and her tears started flowing once more; then, with her face pressed against his, she continued:
“Well, but Pierre. What can we do about Pierre?”
“Well, what about Pierre? What can we do about him?”
Jean answered:
Jean replied:
“We will find some plan! You cannot live with him any longer.”
“We’ll come up with a plan! You can’t stay with him any longer.”
At the thought of her elder son she was convulsed with terror.
At the thought of her older son, she was overcome with fear.
“No, I cannot; no, no!” And throwing herself on Jean’s breast she cried in distress of mind:
“No, I can’t; no, no!” And throwing herself onto Jean’s chest, she cried out in distress:
“Save me from him, you, my little one. Save me; do something—I don’t know what. Think of something. Save me.”
“Help me get away from him, my dear. Please, do something—I don’t know what. Think of something. Save me.”
“Yes, mother, I will think of something.”
“Yes, Mom, I’ll figure something out.”
“And at once. You must, this minute. Do not leave me. I am so afraid of him—so afraid.”
“And right now. You have to do it this minute. Don’t leave me. I’m so scared of him—so scared.”
“Yes, yes; I will hit on some plan. I promise you I will.”
"Yeah, yeah; I'll come up with a plan. I promise I will."
“But at once; quick, quick! You cannot imagine what I feel when I see him.”
“But right now; hurry, hurry! You can’t imagine how I feel when I see him.”
Then she murmured softly in his ear: “Keep me here, with you.”
Then she whispered softly in his ear: “Keep me here, with you.”
He paused, reflected, and with his blunt good-sense saw at once the dangers of such an arrangement. But he had to argue for a long time, combating her scared, terror-stricken insistence.
He paused, thought about it, and with his straightforward common sense immediately recognized the risks of such an arrangement. However, he had to argue for a long time, countering her frightened, panic-stricken insistence.
“Only for to-night,” she said. “Only for to-night. And to-morrow morning you can send word to Roland that I was taken ill.”
“Just for tonight,” she said. “Just for tonight. And tomorrow morning you can let Roland know that I got sick.”
“That is out of the question, as Pierre left you here. Come, take courage. I will arrange everything, I promise you, to-morrow; I will be with you by nine o’clock. Come, put on your bonnet. I will take you home.”
“That’s not going to happen, since Pierre left you here. Come on, be brave. I’ll take care of everything, I promise, tomorrow; I’ll be with you by nine. Now, put on your hat. I’ll take you home.”
“I will do just what you desire,” she said with a childlike impulse of timidity and gratitude.
“I will do exactly what you want,” she said with a shy, grateful excitement.
She tried to rise, but the shock had been too much for her; she could not stand.
She tried to get up, but the shock was too overwhelming for her; she couldn't stand.
He made her drink some sugared water and smell at some salts, while he bathed her temples with vinegar. She let him do what he would, exhausted, but comforted, as after the pains of child-birth. At last she could walk and she took his arm. The town hall struck three as they went past.
He made her drink some sweetened water and smell some salts while he applied vinegar to her temples. She let him do what he wanted, feeling worn out but comforted, like after giving birth. Finally, she could walk, and she took his arm. The town hall clock chimed three as they passed by.
Outside their own door Jean kissed her, saying:
Outside their own door, Jean kissed her, saying:
“Good-night, mother, keep up your courage.”
“Good night, Mom, stay strong.”
She stealthily crept up the silent stairs, and into her room, undressed quickly, and slipped into bed with a reawakened sense of that long-forgotten sin. Roland was snoring. In all the house Pierre alone was awake, and had heard her come in.
She quietly climbed the silent stairs and into her room, changed quickly, and slipped into bed with a revived sense of that long-forgotten sin. Roland was snoring. In the entire house, Pierre was the only one awake and had heard her come in.
CHAPTER VIII
When he got back to his lodgings Jean dropped on a sofa; for the sorrows and anxieties which made his brother long to be moving, and to flee like a hunted prey, acted differently on his torpid nature and broke the strength of his arms and legs. He felt too limp to stir a finger, even to get to bed; limp body and soul, crushed and heart-broken. He had not been hit, as Pierre had been, in the purity of filial love, in the secret dignity which is the refuge of a proud heart; he was overwhelmed by a stroke of fate which, at the same time, threatened his own nearest interests.
When he got back to his place, Jean collapsed onto a sofa. The sorrows and worries that drove his brother to keep moving and escape like a hunted animal affected him differently, draining the strength from his arms and legs. He felt too weak to lift a finger, even to get to bed; he was limp in both body and spirit, crushed and heartbroken. Unlike Pierre, who had been struck in the pure essence of brotherly love and the quiet dignity that protects a proud heart, Jean was overwhelmed by a twist of fate that also threatened his own closest interests.
When at last his spirit was calmer, when his thoughts had settled like water that has been stirred and lashed, he could contemplate the situation which had come before him. If he had learned the secret of his birth through any other channel he would assuredly have been very wroth and very deeply pained, but after his quarrel with his brother, after the violent and brutal betrayal which had shaken his nerves, the agonizing emotion of his mother’s confession had so bereft him of energy that he could not rebel. The shock to his feeling had been so great as to sweep away in an irresistible tide of pathos, all prejudice, and all the sacred delicacy of natural morality. Besides, he was not a man made for resistance. He did not like contending against any one, least of all against himself, so he resigned himself at once; and by instinctive tendency, a congenital love of peace, and of an easy and tranquil life, he began to anticipate the agitations which must surge up around him and at once be his ruin. He foresaw that they were inevitable, and to avert them he made up his mind to superhuman efforts of energy and activity. The knot must be cut immediately, this very day; for even he had fits of that imperious demand for a swift solution which is the only strength of weak natures, incapable of a prolonged effort of will. His lawyer’s mind, accustomed as it was to disentangling and studying complicated situations and questions of domestic difficulties in families that had got out of gear, at once foresaw the more immediate consequences of his brother’s state of mind. In spite of himself, he looked at the issue from an almost professional point of view, as though he had to legislate for the future relations of certain clients after a moral disaster. Constant friction against Pierre had certainly become unendurable. He could easily evade it, no doubt, by living in his own lodgings; but even then it was not possible that their mother should live under the same roof with her elder son. For a long time he sat meditating, motionless, on the cushions, devising and rejecting various possibilities, and finding nothing that satisfied him.
When his mind finally calmed down and his thoughts settled like stirred-up water, he was able to think about the situation he was facing. If he had discovered the truth about his birth in any other way, he would have definitely been very angry and deeply hurt. But after his fight with his brother, and the violent betrayal that had shaken him, the pain from his mother’s revelation left him so drained that he couldn’t fight back. The shock to his feelings was so intense that it washed away all his prejudices and the fragile nature of moral decency. Besides, he wasn’t the type to put up a fight. He didn’t enjoy arguing with anyone, especially not with himself, so he accepted his fate right away. With a natural tendency for peace and a preference for a calm life, he began to foresee the upheaval that would swirl around him and lead to his downfall. He recognized that it was unavoidable, and to prevent it, he resolved to make extraordinary efforts to take action. The problem needed to be resolved immediately, today even, because he also had those intense moments where he craved a quick solution, which is the only strength weak-willed people possess when they can’t maintain prolonged focus. His lawyer’s mind, trained to untangle and analyze complicated family issues, quickly anticipated the immediate fallout from his brother’s mindset. Despite himself, he viewed the situation almost like a professional, as if he had to prepare for the future interactions of clients facing a moral disaster. The constant tension with Pierre had definitely become unbearable. He could easily avoid it by staying in his own place, but even then, their mother couldn’t possibly live under the same roof as her older son. For a long time, he sat there, motionless on the cushions, brainstorming and dismissing various options, ultimately finding nothing that felt right.
But suddenly an idea took him by storm. This fortune which had come to him. Would an honest man keep it?
But suddenly an idea hit him hard. This luck that had come his way. Would an honest person keep it?
“No,” was the first immediate answer, and he made up his mind that it must go to the poor. It was hard, but it could not be helped. He would sell his furniture and work like any other man, like any other beginner. This manful and painful resolution spurred his courage; he rose and went to the window, leaning his forehead against the pane. He had been poor; he could become poor again. After all he should not die of it. His eyes were fixed on the gas lamp burning at the opposite side of the street. A woman, much belated, happened to pass; suddenly he thought of Mme. Rosémilly with a pang at his heart, the shock of deep feeling which comes of a cruel suggestion. All the dire results of his decision rose up before him together. He would have to renounce his marriage, renounce happiness, renounce everything. Could he do such a thing after having pledged himself to her? She had accepted him knowing him to be rich. She would take him still if he were poor; but had he any right to demand such a sacrifice? Would it not be better to keep this money in trust, to be restored to the poor at some future date.
“No,” was his immediate answer, and he decided it should go to the poor. It was tough, but it was unavoidable. He would sell his furniture and work like anyone else, like any beginner. This strong and painful decision boosted his courage; he got up and went to the window, pressing his forehead against the glass. He had been poor before; he could be poor again. After all, he wouldn’t die from it. His eyes were fixed on the gas lamp glowing across the street. A woman, running late, happened to walk by; suddenly he thought of Mme. Rosémilly, feeling a pang in his heart, the jolt of deep emotion that comes from a painful thought. All the terrible consequences of his decision flashed before him. He would have to give up his marriage, give up happiness, give up everything. Could he do that after promising her? She had accepted him knowing he was rich. She would still take him if he were poor; but did he have the right to ask her for such a sacrifice? Wouldn’t it be better to keep this money in trust, to be given to the poor at some point in the future?
And in his soul, where selfishness put on a guise of honesty, all these specious interests were struggling and contending. His first scruples yielded to ingenious reasoning, then came to the top again, and again disappeared.
And in his soul, where selfishness wore a mask of honesty, all these false interests were fighting and competing. His initial doubts gave way to clever reasoning, then resurfaced, only to vanish again.
He sat down again, seeking some decisive motive, some all-sufficient pretext to solve his hesitancy and convince his natural rectitude. Twenty times over had he asked himself this question: “Since I am this man’s son, since I know and acknowledge it, is it not natural that I should also accept the inheritance?”
He sat down again, looking for a clear reason, some solid excuse to ease his uncertainty and justify his sense of right. He had asked himself this question twenty times: “Since I am this man’s son, and I know and accept that, isn’t it natural for me to also take the inheritance?”
But even this argument could not suppress the “No” murmured by his inmost conscience.
But even this argument couldn't silence the "No" whispered by his deepest conscience.
Then came the thought: “Since I am not the son of the man I always believed to be my father, I can take nothing from him, neither during his lifetime nor after his death. It would be neither dignified nor equitable. It would be robbing my brother.”
Then the thought hit me: “Since I’m not the son of the man I thought was my father, I can’t take anything from him, either while he’s alive or after he’s gone. That wouldn’t be respectful or fair. It would be stealing from my brother.”
This new view of the matter having relieved him and quieted his conscience, he went to the window again.
This new perspective on the situation had eased his mind and calmed his conscience, so he went to the window again.
“Yes,” he said to himself, “I must give up my share of the family inheritance. I must let Pierre have the whole of it, since I am not his father’s son. That is but just. Then is it not just that I should keep my father’s money?”
“Yes,” he said to himself, “I have to give up my part of the family inheritance. I need to let Pierre have all of it since I’m not his father’s son. That’s only fair. So isn’t it fair that I should keep my father’s money?”
Having discerned that he could take nothing of Roland’s savings, having decided on giving up the whole of this money, he agreed; he resigned himself to keeping Maréchal’s; for if he rejected both he would find himself reduced to beggary.
Having realized that he couldn't take any of Roland’s savings and decided to give up all of that money, he agreed; he accepted that he would keep Maréchal’s instead, because if he turned down both, he would end up in poverty.
This delicate question being thus disposed of he came back to that of Pierre’s presence in the family. How was he to be got rid of? He was giving up his search for any practical solution when the whistle of a steam-vessel coming into port seemed to blow him an answer by suggesting a scheme.
This delicate question settled, he returned to the issue of Pierre’s presence in the family. How could he get rid of him? He was about to give up on finding a practical solution when the whistle of a steamship arriving at port seemed to offer him an idea.
Then he threw himself on his bed without undressing, and dozed and dreamed till daybreak.
Then he collapsed onto his bed without changing clothes and dozed off, dreaming until dawn.
At a little before nine he went out to ascertain whether his plans were feasible. Then, after making sundry inquiries and calls, he went to his old home. His mother was waiting for him in her room.
At a little before nine, he went out to see if his plans were doable. Then, after making various inquiries and calls, he went to his old home. His mother was waiting for him in her room.
“If you had not come,” she said, “I should never have dared to go down.”
“If you hadn’t come,” she said, “I would have never had the courage to go down.”
In a minute Roland’s voice was heard on the stairs: “Are we to have nothing to eat to-day, hang it all?”
In a minute, Roland's voice came from the stairs: "Are we not having anything to eat today, for goodness' sake?"
There was no answer, and he roared out, with a thundering oath this time: “Joséphine, what the devil are you about?”
There was no response, and he shouted angrily this time: “Joséphine, what the heck are you doing?”
The girl’s voice came up from the depths of the basement.
The girl's voice echoed up from the depths of the basement.
“Yes, M’sieu—what is it?”
“Yes, sir—what is it?”
“Where is your Miss’es?”
“Where is your Misses?”
“Madame is upstairs with M’sieu Jean.”
“Madame is upstairs with Mister Jean.”
Then he shouted, looking up at the higher floor: “Louise!”
Then he shouted, looking up at the upper floor: “Louise!”
Mme. Roland half opened her door and answered:
Mme. Roland half-opened her door and replied:
“What is it, my dear?”
“What’s up, my dear?”
“Are we to have nothing to eat to-day, hang it all?”
“Are we not going to have anything to eat today, for crying out loud?”
“Yes, my dear, I am coming.”
"Yes, I’m coming, dear."
And she went down, followed by Jean.
And she went down, followed by Jean.
Roland, as soon as he saw him, exclaimed:
Roland, as soon as he saw him, shouted:
“Hallo! There you are! Sick of your home already?”
“Hey! There you are! Tired of being at home already?”
“No, father, but I had something to talk over with mother this morning.”
“No, Dad, but I needed to discuss something with Mom this morning.”
Jean went forward holding out his hand, and when he felt his fingers in the old man’s fatherly clasp, a strange, unforeseen emotion thrilled through him, and a sense as of parting and farewell without return.
Jean stepped forward, extending his hand, and when he felt his fingers in the old man’s fatherly grip, an unexpected, intense emotion surged through him, bringing with it a feeling of parting and goodbye without return.
Mme. Roland asked:
Mrs. Roland asked:
“Pierre is not come down?”
"Has Pierre not come down?"
Her husband shrugged his shoulders.
Her husband shrugged.
“No, but never mind him; he is always behind-hand. We will begin without him.”
“No, but forget about him; he's always late. We'll start without him.”
She turned to Jean:
She looked at Jean:
“You had better go to call him, my child; it hurts his feelings if we do not wait for him.”
“You should go call him, my child; it hurts his feelings if we don’t wait for him.”
“Yes, mother. I will go.”
"Sure, Mom. I’ll go."
And the young man went. He mounted the stairs with the fevered determination of a man who is about to fight a duel and who is in a fright. When he knocked at the door Pierre said:
And the young man went. He climbed the stairs with the intense determination of someone about to face a duel, feeling scared. When he knocked on the door, Pierre said:
“Come in.”
“Come on in.”
He went in. The elder was writing, leaning over his table.
He walked in. The elder was writing, hunched over his desk.
“Good-morning,” said Jean.
“Good morning,” said Jean.
Pierre rose.
Pierre got up.
“Good-morning!” and they shook hands as if nothing had occurred.
“Good morning!” and they shook hands as if nothing had happened.
“Are you not coming down to breakfast?”
“Are you not coming down for breakfast?”
“Well—you see—I have a good deal to do.” The elder brother’s voice was tremulous, and his anxious eye asked his younger brother what he meant to do.
“Well—you see—I have a lot to do.” The older brother’s voice was shaky, and his worried gaze asked his younger brother what he planned to do.
“They are waiting for you.”
"They're waiting for you."
“Oh! There is—is my mother down?”
“Oh! Is my mom downstairs?”
“Yes, it was she who sent me to fetch you.”
"Yeah, it was her who sent me to get you."
“Ah, very well; then I will come.”
"Alright, I'll come then."
At the door of the dining-room he paused, doubtful about going in first; then he abruptly opened the door and saw his father and mother seated at the table opposite each other.
At the entrance of the dining room, he hesitated, unsure about stepping in first; then he suddenly swung the door open and found his father and mother sitting across from each other at the table.
He went straight up to her without looking at her or saying a word, and bending over her, offered his forehead for her to kiss, as he had done for some time past, instead of kissing her on both cheeks as of old. He supposed that she put her lips near but he did not feel them on his brow, and he straightened himself with a throbbing heart after this feint of a caress. And he wondered:
He walked right up to her without looking at her or saying anything, and bending down, offered his forehead for her to kiss, as he had been doing lately, instead of kissing her on both cheeks like before. He thought she brought her lips close, but he didn’t feel them on his forehead, and he stood up with a racing heart after this fake gesture of affection. And he wondered:
“What did they say to each other after I had left?”
“What did they talk about after I left?”
Jean constantly addressed her tenderly as “mother,” or “dear mother,” took care of her, waited on her, and poured out her wine.
Jean always called her affectionately “mother” or “dear mother,” looked after her, served her, and poured her wine.
Then Pierre understood that they had wept together, but he could not read their minds. Did Jean believe in his mother’s guilt, or think his brother a base wretch?
Then Pierre understood that they had cried together, but he couldn't read their thoughts. Did Jean believe in his mother's guilt, or think his brother was a vile scoundrel?
And all his self-reproach for having uttered the horrible thing came upon him again, choking his throat and his tongue, and preventing his either eating or speaking.
And all his self-blame for saying the awful thing hit him again, choking his throat and tongue, making it impossible for him to eat or speak.
He was now a prey to an intolerable desire to fly, to leave the house which was his home no longer, and these persons who were bound to him by such imperceptible ties. He would gladly have been off that moment, no matter whither, feeling that everything was over, that he could not endure to stay with them, that his presence was torture to them, and that they would bring on him incessant suffering too great to endure. Jean was talking, chatting with Roland. Pierre, as he did not listen, did not hear. But he presently was aware of a pointed tone in his brother’s voice and paid more attention to his words. Jean was saying:
He was now overcome by an unbearable urge to escape, to leave the house that no longer felt like home, and these people who were connected to him by such subtle ties. He would have gladly left right then, no matter where, feeling that everything was finished, that he could not stand to be with them, that his presence was painful for them, and that they would cause him relentless suffering too intense to bear. Jean was talking, chatting with Roland. Pierre, not paying attention, did not hear. But soon he noticed a sharp tone in his brother’s voice and started listening more closely to his words. Jean was saying:
“She will be the finest ship in their fleet. They say she is of 6,500 tons. She is to make her first trip next month.”
“She will be the best ship in their fleet. They say she weighs 6,500 tons. She is set to make her first trip next month.”
Roland was amazed.
Roland was blown away.
“So soon? I thought she was not to be ready for sea this summer.”
“So soon? I thought she wouldn't be ready to set sail this summer.”
“Yes. The work has been pushed forward very vigorously, to get her through her first voyage before the autumn. I looked in at the Company’s office this morning, and was talking to one of the directors.”
“Yes. The work has been pushed forward really hard to get her ready for her first voyage before autumn. I stopped by the Company’s office this morning and talked to one of the directors.”
“Indeed! Which of them?”
“Absolutely! Which one?”
“M. Marchand, who is a great friend of the Chairman of the Board.”
“M. Marchand, who is a close friend of the Board Chairman.”
“Oh! Do you know him?”
“Oh! Do you know him?”
“Yes. And I wanted to ask him a favour.”
“Yes. And I wanted to ask him for a favor.”
“Then you will get me leave to go over every part of the Lorraine as soon as she comes into port?”
“Then you’ll let me go explore every part of Lorraine as soon as she arrives in port?”
“To be sure; nothing could be easier.”
"Sure, nothing could be easier."
Then Jean seemed to hesitate, to be weighing his words, and to want to lead up to a difficult subject. He went on:
Then Jean appeared to hesitate, as if he was considering his words and trying to approach a tough topic. He continued:
“On the whole, life is very endurable on board those great Transatlantic liners. More than half the time is spent on shore in two splendid cities—New York and Havre; and the remainder at sea with delightful company. In fact, very pleasant acquaintances are sometimes made among the passengers, and very useful in after-life—yes, really very useful. Only think, the captain, with his perquisites on coal, can make as much as twenty-five thousand francs a year or more.”
“Overall, life is pretty enjoyable on those huge Transatlantic liners. More than half the time is spent on land in two amazing cities—New York and Havre; and the rest of the time is spent at sea with great company. In fact, you can make some really nice connections among the passengers, and these can be quite beneficial later on—yes, really helpful. Just imagine, the captain, with his bonuses on coal, can earn as much as twenty-five thousand francs a year or more.”
Roland muttered an oath followed by a whistle, which testified to his deep respect for the sum and the captain.
Roland mumbled a curse and then whistled, showing his deep respect for the sum and the captain.
Jean went on:
Jean continued:
“The purser makes as much as ten thousand, and the doctor has a fixed salary of five thousand, with lodgings, keep, light, firing, service, and everything, which makes it up to ten thousand at least. That is very good pay.”
“The purser earns as much as ten thousand, and the doctor has a fixed salary of five thousand, plus housing, food, utilities, and everything, which brings it to at least ten thousand. That's pretty good pay.”
Pierre raising his eyes met his brother’s and understood.
Pierre looked up and met his brother’s gaze, and he understood.
Then, after some hesitation, he asked:
Then, after a moment of uncertainty, he asked:
“Is it very hard to get a place as medical man on board a Transatlantic liner?”
“Is it really difficult to get a position as a doctor on a Transatlantic liner?”
“Yes—and no. It all depends on circumstances and recommendation.”
“Yeah—and no. It really depends on the situation and the advice given.”
There was a long pause; then the doctor began again.
There was a long pause; then the doctor started again.
“Next month, you say, the Lorraine is to sail?”
“Next month, you’re saying the Lorraine is set to sail?”
“Yes. On the 7th.”
"Yes. On the 7th."
And they said nothing more.
And they didn't say anything else.
Pierre was considering. It certainly would be a way out of many difficulties if he could embark as medical officer on board the steamship. By-and-by he could see; he might perhaps give it up. Meanwhile he would be gaining a living, and asking for nothing from his parents. Only two days since he had been forced to sell his watch, for he would no longer hold out his hand to beg of his mother. So he had no other resource left, no opening to enable him to eat the bread of any house but this which had become uninhabitable, or sleep in any other bed, or under any other roof. He presently said, with some little hesitation:
Pierre was deep in thought. Joining the steamship as a medical officer could certainly help him escape many difficulties. Over time, he could visualize maybe giving it up. For now, he would be earning a living and not relying on his parents. Just two days ago, he had to sell his watch because he refused to ask his mother for money anymore. He had no other options available to him, no way to eat anywhere but this house that had become unlivable, or to sleep in any other bed or under any other roof. Finally, he spoke up, a bit hesitantly:
“If I could, I would very gladly sail in her.”
“If I could, I would be more than happy to sail with her.”
Jean asked:
Jean asked:
“What should hinder you?”
"What should hold you back?"
“I know no one in the Transatlantic Shipping Company.”
“I don't know anyone in the Transatlantic Shipping Company.”
Roland was astounded.
Roland was amazed.
“And what has become of all your fine schemes for getting on?”
“And what’s happened to all your great plans for getting ahead?”
Pierre replied in a low voice:
Pierre replied in a quiet voice:
“There are times when we must bring ourselves to sacrifice everything and renounce our fondest hopes. And after all it is only to make a beginning, a way of saving a few thousand francs to start fair with afterward.”
“There are times when we have to push ourselves to give up everything and let go of our deepest dreams. And in the end, it’s just to make a fresh start, a way to save a few thousand francs to build a better future afterward.”
His father was promptly convinced.
His dad was quickly convinced.
“That is very true. In a couple of years you can put by six or seven thousand francs, and that well laid out, will go a long way. What do you think of the matter, Louise?”
“That’s very true. In a couple of years, you can save up six or seven thousand francs, and if you invest it wisely, it will go a long way. What do you think about it, Louise?”
She replied in a voice so low as to be scarcely audible:
She replied in a voice so quiet that it was barely audible:
“I think Pierre is right.”
“I think Pierre is correct.”
Roland exclaimed:
Roland shouted:
“I will go and talk it over with M. Poulin: I know him very well. He is assessor of the Chamber of Commerce and takes an interest in the affairs of the Company. There is M. Lenient, too, the ship-owner, who is intimate with one of the vice-chairmen.”
“I'll go and discuss it with Mr. Poulin: I know him really well. He’s an assessor at the Chamber of Commerce and cares about the Company’s matters. There’s also Mr. Lenient, the shipowner, who is close with one of the vice-chairmen.”
Jean asked his brother:
Jean asked his bro:
“Would you like me to feel my way with M. Marchand at once?”
“Do you want me to talk to M. Marchand right away?”
“Yes, I should be very glad.”
“Yes, I would be very glad.”
After thinking a few minutes Pierre added:
After thinking for a few minutes, Pierre added:
“The best thing I can do, perhaps, will be to write to my professors at the college of Medicine, who had a great regard for me. Very inferior men are sometimes shipped on board those vessels. Letters of strong recommendation from such professors as Mas-Roussel, Rémusot, Flanche, and Borriquel would do more for me in an hour than all the doubtful introductions in the world. It would be enough if your friend M. Marchand would lay them before the board.”
“The best thing I can do, maybe, is to write to my professors at the medical school, who thought highly of me. Sometimes, really unqualified people are assigned to those ships. Strong recommendation letters from professors like Mas-Roussel, Rémusot, Flanche, and Borriquel would help me more in an hour than all the uncertain introductions in the world. It would be enough if your friend M. Marchand could present them to the board.”
Jean approved heartily.
Jean enthusiastically approved.
“Your idea is really capital.” And he smiled, quite reassured, almost happy, sure of success and incapable of allowing himself to be unhappy for long.
“Your idea is really great.” And he smiled, feeling quite reassured, almost happy, confident of success and unable to stay unhappy for long.
“You will write to-day?” he said.
"You will write today?" he asked.
“Directly. Now; at once. I will go and do so. I do not care for any coffee this morning; I am too nervous.”
“Right now. Immediately. I’m going to do it. I don’t want any coffee this morning; I’m too anxious.”
He rose and left the room.
He got up and left the room.
Then Jean turned to his mother:
Then Jean turned to his mom:
“And you, mother, what are you going to do?”
“And you, Mom, what are you going to do?”
“Nothing. I do not know.”
"Nothing. I don’t know."
“Will you come with me to call on Mme. Rosémilly?”
“Will you come with me to visit Mme. Rosémilly?”
“Why, yes—yes.”
"Of course—absolutely."
“You know I must positively go to see her to-day.”
“You know I really have to go see her today.”
“Yes, yes. To be sure.”
“Yeah, definitely. For sure.”
“Why must you positively?” asked Roland, whose habit it was never to understand what was said in his presence.
“Why do you have to?” asked Roland, who had a habit of never really understanding what was said around him.
“Because I promised her I would.”
“Because I told her I would.”
“Oh, very well. That alters the case.” And he began to fill his pipe, while the mother and son went upstairs to make ready.
“Oh, fine. That changes things.” He started to fill his pipe as the mother and son went upstairs to get ready.
When they were in the street Jean said:
When they were on the street, Jean said:
“Will you take my arm, mother?”
“Will you take my arm, Mom?”
He was never accustomed to offer it, for they were in the habit of walking side by side. She accepted and leaned on him.
He was never used to offering it, since they usually walked side by side. She accepted and leaned on him.
For some time they did not speak; then he said:
For a while, they stayed silent; then he said:
“You see that Pierre is quite ready and willing to go away.”
“You can see that Pierre is more than ready to leave.”
She murmured:
She whispered:
“Poor boy!”
“Poor kid!”
“But why ‘poor boy’? He will not be in the least unhappy on board the Lorraine.”
“But why call him a ‘poor boy’? He won't be unhappy at all on board the Lorraine.”
“No—I know. But I was thinking of so many things.”
“No—I know. But I was thinking about so many things.”
And she thought for a long time, her head bent, accommodating her step to her son’s; then, in the peculiar voice in which we sometimes give utterance to the conclusion of long and secret meditations, she exclaimed:
And she thought for a long time, her head down, matching her step to her son’s; then, in the unique tone we sometimes use to express the results of long and private reflections, she exclaimed:
“How horrible life is! If by any chance we come across any sweetness in it, we sin in letting ourselves be happy, and pay dearly for it afterward.”
“How horrible life is! If we happen to find any sweetness in it, we’re wrong for allowing ourselves to be happy, and we end up paying a heavy price for it later.”
He said in a whisper:
He whispered:
“Do not speak of that any more, mother.”
“Don’t talk about that anymore, mom.”
“Is that possible? I think of nothing else.”
“Is that possible? I can't stop thinking about it.”
“You will forget it.”
"You'll forget it."
Again she was silent; then with deep regret she said:
Again she was silent; then, feeling very sorry, she said:
“How happy I might have been, married to another man!”
“How happy I could have been, married to a different guy!”
She was visiting it on Roland now, throwing all the responsibility of her sin on his ugliness, his stupidity, his clumsiness, the heaviness of his intellect, and the vulgarity of his person. It was to this that it was owing that she had betrayed him, had driven one son to desperation, and had been forced to utter to the other the most agonizing confession that can make a mother’s heart bleed. She muttered: “It is so frightful for a young girl to have to marry such a husband as mine.”
She was now blaming Roland for everything, placing all the weight of her guilt on his looks, his lack of smarts, his awkwardness, the dullness of his mind, and his crudeness. Because of this, she had betrayed him, pushed one son to the edge, and had to make the most painful confession a mother can make to the other. She whispered, “It’s such a nightmare for a young woman to have to marry a man like mine.”
Jean made no reply. He was thinking of the man he had hitherto believed to be his father; and possibly the vague notion he had long since conceived, of that father’s inferiority, with his brother’s constant irony, the scornful indifference of others, and the very maid-servant’s contempt for Roland, had somewhat prepared his mind for his mother’s terrible avowal. It had all made it less dreadful to him to find that he was another man’s son; and if, after the great shock and agitation of the previous evening, he had not suffered the reaction of rage, indignation, and rebellion which Mme. Roland had feared, it was because he had long been unconsciously chafing under the sense of being the child of this well-meaning lout.
Jean didn’t respond. He was thinking about the man he had always believed was his father; and maybe the vague idea he had formed long ago about that father’s shortcomings, along with his brother’s constant sarcasm, the scornful indifference of others, and even the maid’s contempt for Roland, had somewhat prepared him for his mother’s shocking confession. It made it a bit easier for him to learn that he was another man’s son; and if, after the intense shock and turmoil of the previous evening, he didn’t react with the anger, indignation, and rebellion that Mme. Roland had feared, it was because he had been subconsciously struggling with the feeling of being the child of this well-meaning fool.
They had now reached the dwelling of Mme. Rosémilly.
They had now arrived at Mme. Rosémilly's place.
She lived on the road to Sainte-Adresse, on the second floor of a large tenement which she owned. The windows commanded a view of the whole roadstead.
She lived on the road to Sainte-Adresse, on the second floor of a large apartment building that she owned. The windows offered a view of the entire bay.
On seeing Mme. Roland, who entered first, instead of merely holding out her hands as usual, she put her arms round her and kissed her, for she divined the purpose of her visit.
On seeing Mme. Roland, who walked in first, instead of just extending her hands like usual, she wrapped her arms around her and kissed her, because she sensed the reason for her visit.
The furniture of this drawing-room, all in stamped velvet, was always shrouded in chair-covers. The walls, hung with flowered paper, were graced by four engravings, the purchase of her late husband, the captain. They represented sentimental scenes of seafaring life. In the first a fisherman’s wife was seen, waving a handkerchief on shore, while the vessel which bore away her husband vanished on the horizon. In the second the same woman, on her knees on the same shore, under a sky shot with lightning, wrung her arms as she gazed into the distance at her husband’s boat which was going to the bottom amid impossible waves.
The furniture in this living room, all covered in patterned velvet, was always hidden under chair covers. The walls, decorated with floral wallpaper, displayed four engravings that had belonged to her late husband, the captain. They depicted emotional scenes from life at sea. In the first, a fisherman’s wife was shown waving a handkerchief from the shore as the boat carrying her husband disappeared over the horizon. In the second, the same woman, on her knees on the same shore beneath a lightning-lit sky, clasped her hands in despair as she looked into the distance at her husband’s boat, which was sinking in massive waves.
The others represented similar scenes in a higher rank of society. A young lady with fair hair, resting her elbows on the ledge of a large steamship quitting the shore, gazed at the already distant coast with eyes full of tears and regret. Whom is she leaving behind?
The others showed similar scenes in a higher social class. A young woman with blonde hair, leaning her elbows on the railing of a large steamship leaving the shore, looked at the now distant coast with teary eyes filled with sorrow. Who is she saying goodbye to?
Then the same young lady sitting by an open widow with a view of the sea, had fainted in an arm-chair; a letter she had dropped lay at her feet. So he is dead! What despair!
Then the same young woman sitting by an open window with a view of the sea had fainted in an armchair; a letter she had dropped lay at her feet. So he is dead! What despair!
Visitors were generally much moved and charmed by the commonplace pathos of these obvious and sentimental works. They were at once intelligible without question or explanation, and the poor women were to be pitied, though the nature of the grief of the more elegant of the two was not precisely known. But this very doubt contributed to the sentiment. She had, no doubt, lost her lover. On entering the room the eye was immediately attracted to these four pictures, and riveted as if fascinated. If it wandered it was only to return and contemplate the four expressions on the faces of the two women, who were as like each other as two sisters. And the very style of these works, in their shining frames, crisp, sharp, and highly finished, with the elegance of a fashion plate, suggested a sense of cleanliness and propriety which was confirmed by the rest of the fittings. The seats were always in precisely the same order, some against the wall and some round the circular centre-table. The immaculately white curtains hung in such straight and regular pleats that one longed to crumple them a little; and never did a grain of dust rest on the shade under which the gilt clock, in the taste of the first empire—a terrestrial globe supported by Atlas on his knees—looked like a melon left there to ripen.
Visitors were generally moved and charmed by the everyday emotion of these obvious and sentimental artworks. They were easily understood without question or explanation, and the unfortunate women were to be pitied, even though the exact nature of the grief of the more refined one was not clearly known. But this very uncertainty added to the sentiment. She had, without a doubt, lost her lover. Upon entering the room, the eye was immediately drawn to these four pictures, and it was as if one was captivated. If it wandered, it was only to return and observe the four expressions on the faces of the two women, who resembled each other like sisters. The style of these works, in their glossy frames, crisp, sharp, and highly polished, with the elegance of a fashion magazine, suggested a sense of cleanliness and decorum that was confirmed by the rest of the decor. The chairs were always arranged in exactly the same way, some against the wall and others around the circular center table. The impeccably white curtains hung in perfectly straight and even pleats, making one wish to crease them a bit; and not a speck of dust ever settled on the shade under which the gilt clock, in the style of the first empire—a globe resting on Atlas's knees—looked like a melon left there to ripen.
The two women as they sat down somewhat altered the normal position of their chairs.
The two women, as they sat down, shifted their chairs a bit from their usual arrangement.
“You have not been out this morning?” asked Mme. Roland.
“You haven't been outside this morning?” asked Mme. Roland.
“No. I must own to being rather tired.”
“No. I have to admit that I’m feeling pretty tired.”
And she spoke as if in gratitude to Jean and his mother, of all the pleasure she had derived from the expedition and the prawn-fishing.
And she spoke as if thanking Jean and his mother for all the enjoyment she had gained from the trip and the prawn fishing.
“I ate my prawns this morning,” she added, “and they were excellent. If you felt inclined we might go again one of these days.”
“I had my prawns this morning,” she added, “and they were awesome. If you’re up for it, we could go again one of these days.”
The young man interrupted her:
The young man cut her off:
“Before we start on a second fishing excursion, suppose we complete the first?”
“Before we head out on another fishing trip, why don’t we finish the first one?”
“Complete it? It seems to me quite finished.”
“Complete it? It looks pretty much done to me.”
“Nay, madame, I, for my part, caught something on the rocks of Saint Jouain which I am anxious to carry home with me.”
“Nah, ma'am, I, for one, found something on the rocks of Saint Jouain that I’m eager to bring home with me.”
She put on an innocent and knowing look.
She put on a look that was both innocent and knowing.
“You? What can it be? What can you have found?”
"You? What could it be? What did you find?"
“A wife. And my mother and I have come to ask you whether she had changed her mind this morning.”
“A wife. My mother and I have come to ask you if she changed her mind this morning.”
She smiled: “No, monsieur. I never change my mind.”
She smiled, "No, sir. I never change my mind."
And then he held out his hand, wide open, and she put hers into it with a quick, determined movement. Then he said: “As soon as possible, I hope.”
And then he held out his hand, wide open, and she quickly placed hers into it with a firm movement. Then he said: “I hope it's as soon as possible.”
“As soon as you like.”
"Whenever you're ready."
“In six weeks?”
"In six weeks?"
“I have no opinion. What does my future mother-in-law say?”
“I don't have an opinion. What does my future mother-in-law think?”
Mme. Roland replied with a rather melancholy smile:
Mme. Roland replied with a somewhat sad smile:
“I? Oh, I can say nothing. I can only thank you for having accepted Jean, for you will make him very happy.”
“I? Oh, I can’t say anything. I can only thank you for accepting Jean, because you’re going to make him very happy.”
“We will do our best, mamma.”
"We'll do our best, Mom."
Somewhat overcome, for the first time, Mme. Rosémilly rose, and throwing her arms round Mme. Roland, kissed her a long time as a child of her own might have done; and under this new embrace the poor woman’s sick heart swelled with deep emotion. She could not have expressed the feeling; it was at once sad and sweet. She had lost her son, her big boy, but in return she had found a daughter, a grown-up daughter.
Somewhat overwhelmed, for the first time, Mme. Rosémilly stood up and wrapped her arms around Mme. Roland, kissing her for a long time like a child might do; and under this new embrace, the poor woman's aching heart filled with deep emotion. She couldn't have put the feeling into words; it was both sad and sweet. She had lost her son, her big boy, but in return, she had gained a daughter, a grown-up daughter.
When they faced each other again, and were seated, they took hands and remained so, looking at each and smiling, while they seemed to have forgotten Jean.
When they faced each other again and sat down, they held hands and stayed that way, looking at each other and smiling, as if they had forgotten all about Jean.
Then they discussed a number of things which had to be thought of in view of an early marriage, and when everything was settled and decided Mme. Rosémilly seemed suddenly to remember a further detail and asked: “You have consulted M. Roland, I suppose?”
Then they talked about a few things that needed to be considered for an upcoming wedding, and once everything was finalized, Mme. Rosémilly suddenly recalled another detail and asked, “You’ve talked to M. Roland, right?”
A flush of colour mounted at the same instant on the face of both mother and son. It was the mother who replied:
A rush of color appeared on the faces of both mother and son at the same moment. It was the mother who answered:
“Oh, no, it is quite unnecessary!” Then she hesitated, feeling that some explanation was needed, and added: “We do everything without saying anything to him. It is enough to tell him what we have decided on.”
“Oh, no, that’s totally not needed!” Then she paused, sensing that some explanation was required, and added: “We handle everything without saying a word to him. It’s enough to just let him know what we’ve decided.”
Mme. Rosémilly, not in the least surprised, only smiled, taking it as a matter of course, for the good man counted for so little.
Mme. Rosémilly, not at all surprised, just smiled, accepting it as normal, because the good man mattered so little.
When Mme. Roland was in the street again with her son she said:
When Madame Roland was back on the street with her son, she said:
“Suppose we go to your rooms for a little while. I should be glad to rest.”
“Let’s go to your place for a bit. I’d love to take a break.”
She felt herself homeless, shelterless, her own house being a terror to her.
She felt homeless, without a safe place, her own house becoming a source of fear.
They went into Jean’s apartments.
They went into Jean's place.
As soon as the door was closed upon her she heaved a deep sigh, as if that bolt had placed her in safety, but then, instead of resting as she had said, she began to open the cupboards, to count the piles of linen, the pocket-handkerchiefs, and socks. She changed the arrangement to place them in more harmonious order, more pleasing to her housekeeper’s eye; and when she had put everything to her mind, laying out the towels, the shirts, and the drawers on their several shelves and dividing all the linen into three principal classes, body-linen, household-linen, and table-linen, she drew back and contemplated the results, and called out:
As soon as the door closed behind her, she let out a deep sigh, as if that lock had secured her safety. But instead of resting like she claimed she would, she started rummaging through the cupboards, counting the stacks of linen, handkerchiefs, and socks. She rearranged everything to make it more aesthetically pleasing to her housekeeper’s eye. Once everything was organized to her satisfaction, with towels, shirts, and drawers neatly placed on their respective shelves and all the linen sorted into three main categories—body linen, household linen, and table linen—she stepped back to admire her work and called out:
“Come here, Jean, and see how nice it looks.”
“Come here, Jean, and see how great it looks.”
He went and admired it to please her.
He went and admired it to make her happy.
On a sudden, when he had sat down again, she came softly up behind his arm-chair, and putting her right arm round his neck she kissed him, while she laid on the chimney-shelf a small packet wrapped in white paper which she held in the other hand.
On a sudden, when he had sat down again, she came softly up behind his armchair, and putting her right arm around his neck, she kissed him while she placed a small packet wrapped in white paper on the chimney shelf with her other hand.
“What is that?” he asked. Then, as she made no reply, he understood, recognising the shape of the frame.
“What is that?” he asked. Then, when she didn’t respond, he realized, recognizing the shape of the frame.
“Give it me!” he said.
“Give it to me!” he said.
She pretended not to hear him, and went back to the linen cupboards. He got up hastily, took the melancholy relic, and going across the room, put it in the drawer of his writing-table, which he locked and double locked. She wiped away a tear with the tip of her finger, and said in a rather quavering voice: “Now I am going to see whether your new servant keeps the kitchen in good order. As she is out I can look into everything and make sure.”
She acted like she didn't hear him and returned to the linen cupboards. He quickly got up, took the sad keepsake, and walked across the room to put it in the drawer of his writing desk, which he locked and double-locked. She wiped away a tear with her fingertip and said in a somewhat shaky voice: “Now I'm going to check if your new maid is keeping the kitchen tidy. Since she’s out, I can look around and make sure everything's in order.”
CHAPTER IX
Letters of recommendation from Professors Mas-Roussel, Rémusot, Flache, and Borriquel, written in the most flattering terms with regard to Dr. Pierre Roland, their pupil, had been submitted by M. Marchand to the directors of the Transatlantic Shipping Co., seconded by M. Poulin, judge of the Chamber of Commerce, M. Lenient, a great ship-owner, and Mr. Marival, deputy to the Mayor of Havre, and a particular friend of Captain Beausires’s. It proved that no medical officer had yet been appointed to the Lorraine, and Pierre was lucky enough to be nominated within a few days.
Letters of recommendation from Professors Mas-Roussel, Rémusot, Flache, and Borriquel, praising Dr. Pierre Roland, their student, had been submitted by M. Marchand to the directors of the Transatlantic Shipping Co., with support from M. Poulin, a judge at the Chamber of Commerce, M. Lenient, a major ship-owner, and Mr. Marival, a deputy to the Mayor of Havre and a close friend of Captain Beausires. It turned out that no medical officer had been appointed to the Lorraine yet, and Pierre was fortunate enough to be nominated within a few days.
The letter announcing it was handed to him one morning by Joséphine, just as he was dressed. His first feeling was that of a man condemned to death who is told that his sentence is commuted; he had an immediate sense of relief at the thought of his early departure and of the peaceful life on board, cradled by the rolling waves, always wandering, always moving. His life under his father’s roof was now that of a stranger, silent and reserved. Ever since the evening when he allowed the shameful secret he had discovered to escape him in his brother’s presence, he had felt that the last ties to his kindred were broken. He was harassed by remorse for having told this thing to Jean. He felt that it was odious, indecent, and brutal, and yet it was a relief to him to have uttered it.
The letter announcing it was given to him one morning by Joséphine, right as he was getting dressed. His first feeling was like that of a man on death row who learns that his sentence has been reduced; he felt an immediate sense of relief at the thought of leaving early and enjoying a peaceful life on board, rocked by the rolling waves, always wandering, always moving. His life under his father's roof had become that of a stranger, quiet and withdrawn. Ever since the evening when he let slip the shameful secret he had discovered in front of his brother, he felt that the last ties to his family were severed. He was tormented by guilt for having shared this with Jean. He considered it disgusting, inappropriate, and cruel, yet it was a relief to have said it.
He never met the eyes either of his mother or his brother; to avoid his gaze theirs had become surprisingly alert, with the cunning of foes who fear to cross each other. He was always wondering: “What can she have said to Jean? Did she confess or deny it? What does my brother believe? What does he think of her—what does he think of me?” He could not guess, and it drove him to frenzy. And he scarcely ever spoke to them, excepting when Roland was by, to avoid his questioning.
He never looked his mother or brother in the eye; they had become surprisingly aware, like enemies who are afraid to face each other. He was constantly wondering, “What could she have said to Jean? Did she admit it or deny it? What does my brother believe? What does he think of her—what does he think of me?” He couldn’t figure it out, and it drove him insane. He hardly ever talked to them, except when Roland was around, to avoid his questions.
As soon as he received the letter announcing his appointment he showed it at once to his family. His father, who was prone to rejoicing over everything, clapped his hands. Jean spoke seriously, though his heart was full of gladness: “I congratulate you with all my heart, for I know there were several other candidates. You certainly owe it to your professors’ letters.”
As soon as he got the letter announcing his appointment, he immediately showed it to his family. His father, who loved to celebrate everything, clapped his hands. Jean spoke earnestly, though he was filled with joy: “I congratulate you wholeheartedly, since I know there were several other candidates. You definitely owe it to the letters from your professors.”
His mother bent her head and murmured:
His mother lowered her head and softly said:
“I am very glad you have been successful.”
“I’m really glad to hear that you’ve been successful.”
After breakfast he went to the Company’s offices to obtain information on various particulars, and he asked the name of the doctor on board the Picardie, which was to sail next day, to inquire of him as to the details of his new life and any details he might think useful.
After breakfast, he went to the company’s offices to get information on various details. He asked for the name of the doctor on board the Picardie, which was set to sail the next day, so he could ask him about the specifics of his new life and any information he thought might be helpful.
Dr. Pirette having gone on board, Pierre went to the ship, where he was received in a little state-room by a young man with a fair beard, not unlike his brother. They talked together a long time.
Dr. Pirette had gone on board, and Pierre went to the ship, where a young man with a light beard, somewhat resembling his brother, welcomed him in a small cabin. They had a long conversation.
In the hollow depths of the huge ship they could hear a confused and continuous commotion; the noise of bales and cases pitched down into the hold mingling with footsteps, voices, the creaking of the machinery lowering the freight, the boatswain’s whistle, and the clatter of chains dragged or wound on to capstans by the snorting and panting engine which sent a slight vibration from end to end of the great vessel.
In the empty depths of the massive ship, they could hear a chaotic and constant hustle; the sound of bales and crates being thrown into the hold mixed with footsteps, voices, the creaking of the machinery lowering the cargo, the boatswain’s whistle, and the noise of chains being dragged or wound onto capstans by the huffing and puffing engine, which sent a slight vibration from one end of the large vessel to the other.
But when Pierre had left his colleague and found himself in the street once more, a new form of melancholy came down on him, enveloping him like the fogs which roll over the sea, coming up from the ends of the world and holding in their intangible density something mysteriously impure, as it were the pestilential breath of a far-away, unhealthy land.
But when Pierre had left his colleague and was back on the street, a new kind of sadness settled over him, wrapping around him like the fog that rolls in from the sea, coming from the ends of the earth and carrying with it a weight that felt strangely tainted, like the sickly breath of a distant, unhealthy place.
In his hours of greatest suffering he had never felt himself so sunk in a foul pit of misery. It was as though he had given the last wrench; there was no fibre of attachment left. In tearing up the roots of every affection he had not hitherto had the distressful feeling which now came over him, like that of a lost dog. It was no longer a torturing mortal pain, but the frenzy of a forlorn and homeless animal, the physical anguish of a vagabond creature without a roof for shelter, lashed by the rain, the wind, the storm, all the brutal forces of the universe. As he set foot on the vessel, as he went into the cabin rocked by the waves, the very flesh of the man, who had always slept in a motionless and steady bed, had risen up against the insecurity henceforth of all his morrows. Till now that flesh had been protected by a solid wall built into the earth which held it, by the certainty of resting in the same spot, under a roof which could resist the gale. Now all that, which it was a pleasure to defy in the warmth of home, must become a peril and a constant discomfort. No earth under foot, only the greedy, heaving, complaining sea; no space around for walking, running, losing the way, only a few yards of planks to pace like a convict among other prisoners; no trees, no gardens, no streets, no houses; nothing but water and clouds. And the ceaseless motion of the ship beneath his feet. On stormy days he must lean against the wainscot, hold on to the doors, cling to the edge of the narrow berth to save himself from rolling out. On calm days he would hear the snorting throb of the screw, and feel the swift flight of the ship, bearing him on in its unpausing, regular, exasperating race.
In his moments of deepest suffering, he had never felt so trapped in a dark pit of misery. It was as if he had reached his breaking point; there was no attachment left to hold onto. As he uprooted every bond he had, he hadn't experienced the painful feeling that now washed over him, like that of a lost dog. It was no longer just a crushing physical pain but the madness of a lonely and homeless creature, suffering the harshness of rain, wind, and storms, all the cruel forces of nature. When he stepped onto the ship and entered the cabin rocked by the waves, his body, which had always rested on a stable bed, rebelled against the uncertainty of all his future days. Until now, his body had been protected by a solid wall anchored in the ground, giving him the comfort of sleeping in the same place, under a roof that could withstand strong winds. Everything he enjoyed defying in the warmth of home was about to turn into a danger and a constant discomfort. No solid ground beneath him, only the restless, churning sea; no space to walk or run, just a few boards to pace like a prisoner among others; no trees, no gardens, no streets, no buildings; only water and clouds. And the relentless movement of the ship beneath him. On stormy days, he would need to lean against the wall, hold onto the doors, grip the edge of the narrow bunk to keep from falling out. On calm days, he would hear the throbbing sound of the engine and feel the swift motion of the ship, carrying him forward in its nonstop, steady, irritating race.
And he was condemned to this vagabond convict’s life solely because his mother had yielded to a man’s caresses.
And he was doomed to this life of a wandering convict just because his mother gave in to a man's affection.
He walked on, his heart sinking with the despairing sorrow of those who are doomed to exile. He no longer felt a haughty disdain and scornful hatred of the strangers he met, but a woeful impulse to speak to them, to tell them all that he had to quit France, to be listened to and comforted. There was in the very depths of his heart the shame-faced need of a beggar who would fain hold out his hand—a timid but urgent need to feel that some one would grieve at his departing.
He kept walking, his heart heavy with the deep sadness of someone who’s been forced into exile. He no longer felt the arrogant disdain and bitter hatred for the strangers he encountered, but instead a sorrowful urge to connect with them, to share that he had to leave France, to be heard and comforted. Deep down in his heart was the embarrassed desire of a beggar wishing to stretch out his hand—a shy yet pressing need to know that someone would care about his leaving.
He thought of Marowsko. The old Pole was the only person who loved him well enough to feel true and keen emotion, and the doctor at once determined to go and see him.
He thought of Marowsko. The old Pole was the only person who loved him enough to feel genuine and strong emotion, and the doctor immediately decided to go see him.
When he entered the shop, the druggist, who was pounding powders in a marble mortar, started and left his work.
When he walked into the shop, the pharmacist, who was grinding powders in a marble mortar, jumped and stopped what he was doing.
“You are never to be seen nowadays,” said he.
“You're hardly ever seen these days,” he said.
Pierre explained that he had had a great many serious matters to attend to, but without giving the reason, and he took a seat, asking:
Pierre explained that he had a lot of serious things to deal with, but without giving a reason, and he took a seat, asking:
“Well, and how is business doing?”
"How's business?"
Business was not doing at all. Competition was fearful, and rich folks rare in that workmen’s quarter. Nothing would sell but cheap drugs, and the doctors did not prescribe the costlier and more complicated remedies on which a profit is made of five hundred per cent. The old fellow ended by saying: “If this goes on for three months I shall shut up shop. If I did not count on you, dear good doctor, I should have turned shoe-black by this time.”
Business was really slow. The competition was tough, and wealthy people were scarce in that working-class neighborhood. The only things that sold were inexpensive drugs, and the doctors weren’t prescribing the pricier and more complex treatments that could yield a five hundred percent profit. The old man finally said, “If this continues for three months, I’ll close the shop. If it weren’t for you, my dear good doctor, I would have had to become a shoe shiner by now.”
Pierre felt a pang, and made up his mind to deal the blow at once, since it must be done.
Pierre felt a sharp sting and decided to take action immediately, as it needed to be done.
“I—oh, I cannot be of any use to you. I am leaving Havre early next month.”
“I—oh, I can’t help you. I’m leaving Havre early next month.”
Marowsko took off his spectacles, so great was his agitation.
Marowsko took off his glasses, he was so agitated.
“You! You! What are you saying?”
“You! You! What are you talking about?”
“I say that I am going away, my poor friend.”
“I’m saying that I’m leaving, my dear friend.”
The old man was stricken, feeling his last hope slipping from under him, and he suddenly turned against this man, whom he had followed, whom he loved, whom he had so implicitly trusted, and who forsook him thus.
The old man was devastated, feeling his last hope slipping away, and he suddenly turned against the man he had followed, whom he loved, whom he had trusted completely, and who abandoned him like this.
He stammered out:
He stuttered out:
“You are surely not going to play me false—you?”
“You're not going to betray me, are you?”
Pierre was so deeply touched that he felt inclined to embrace the old fellow.
Pierre was so moved that he felt like hugging the old man.
“I am not playing you false. I have not found anything to do here, and I am going as medical officer on board a Transatlantic passenger boat.”
“I’m not lying to you. I haven’t found anything to do here, and I’m going as the medical officer on a transatlantic passenger ship.”
“O Monsieur Pierre! And you always promised you would help me to make a living!”
“O Mr. Pierre! And you always promised you would help me make a living!”
“What can I do? I must make my own living. I have not a farthing in the world.”
“What can I do? I have to support myself. I don’t have a penny to my name.”
Marowsko said: “It is wrong; what you are doing is very wrong. There is nothing for me but to die of hunger. At my age this is the end of all things. It is wrong. You are forsaking a poor old man who came here to be with you. It is wrong.”
Marowsko said: “What you're doing is wrong; it's really wrong. There's nothing left for me but to starve. At my age, this is the end of it all. It's wrong. You're abandoning a poor old man who came here to be with you. It's wrong.”
Pierre tried to explain, to protest, to give reasons, to prove that he could not have done otherwise; the Pole, enraged by his desertion, would not listen to him, and he ended by saying, with an allusion no doubt to political events:
Pierre tried to explain, protest, and give reasons to prove that he couldn’t have acted differently; the Pole, furious about his abandonment, wouldn’t listen to him, and he finally said, likely referencing political events:
“You French—you never keep your word!”
“You French—you never stick to your word!”
At this Pierre rose, offended on his part, and taking rather a high tone he said:
At this, Pierre stood up, feeling offended, and said in a rather stern tone:
“You are unjust, père Marowsko; a man must have very strong motives to act as I have done and you ought to understand that. Au revoir—I hope I may find you more reasonable.” And he went away.
“You're being unfair, Père Marowsko; someone must have very strong reasons to act like I did, and you should recognize that. Goodbye—I hope I find you more reasonable next time.” And he left.
“Well, well,” he thought, “not a soul will feel a sincere regret for me.”
“Well, well,” he thought, “no one will genuinely regret me.”
His mind sought through all the people he knew or had known, and among the faces which crossed his memory he saw that of the girl at the tavern who had led him to doubt his mother.
His mind searched through all the people he knew or had known, and among the faces that crossed his memory, he saw the girl from the bar who had made him question his mother.
He hesitated, having still an instinctive grudge against her, then suddenly reflected on the other hand: “After all, she was right.” And he looked about him to find the turning.
He paused, still feeling a gut resentment toward her, then suddenly thought, “After all, she was right.” And he glanced around to find the turning.
The beer-shop, as it happened, was full of people, and also full of smoke. The customers, tradesmen, and labourers, for it was a holiday, were shouting, calling, laughing, and the master himself was waiting on them, running from table to table, carrying away empty glasses and returning them crowned with froth.
The beer shop was packed with people and thick with smoke. The customers, including tradesmen and laborers, were shouting, calling out, and laughing because it was a holiday. The owner was serving them, running from table to table, clearing away empty glasses and bringing them back filled with frothy beer.
When Pierre had found a seat not far from the desk he waited, hoping that the girl would see him and recognise him. But she passed him again and again as she went to and fro, pattering her feet under her skirts with a smart little strut. At last he rapped a coin on the table, and she hurried up.
When Pierre found a seat close to the desk, he waited, hoping that the girl would notice him and recognize him. But she walked by him repeatedly as she moved back and forth, her feet making a quick little sound under her skirts. Finally, he tapped a coin on the table, and she rushed over.
“What will you take, sir?”
“What would you like, sir?”
She did not look at him; her mind was absorbed in calculations of the liquor she had served.
She didn't look at him; her mind was focused on figuring out how much alcohol she had served.
“Well,” said he, “this is a pretty way of greeting a friend.”
“Well,” he said, “this is a nice way to greet a friend.”
She fixed her eyes on his face. “Ah!” said she hurriedly. “Is it you? You are pretty well? But I have not a minute to-day. A bock did you wish for?”
She focused her gaze on his face. “Oh!” she said quickly. “Is that you? Are you doing okay? But I don't have a moment to spare today. What kind of bock did you want?”
“Yes, a bock!”
“Yeah, a bock!”
When she brought it he said:
When she brought it, he said:
“I have come to say good-bye. I am going away.”
“I've come to say goodbye. I'm leaving.”
And she replied indifferently:
And she replied casually:
“Indeed. Where are you going?”
"Yeah. Where are you headed?"
“To America.”
“To the U.S.”
“A very fine country, they say.”
“A really nice country, they say.”
And that was all!
And that was it!
Really, he was very ill-advised to address her on such a busy day; there were too many people in the café.
Really, he was not smart to talk to her on such a busy day; there were way too many people in the café.
Pierre went down to the sea. As he reached the jetty he descried the Pearl; his father and Beausire were coming in. Papagris was pulling, and the two men, seated in the stern, smoked their pipes with a look of perfect happiness. As they went past the doctor said to himself: “Blessed are the simple-minded!” And he sat down on one of the benches on the breakwater, to try to lull himself in animal drowsiness.
Pierre went down to the sea. When he got to the dock, he spotted the Pearl; his father and Beausire were coming in. Papagris was rowing, and the two men sitting in the back were smoking their pipes, looking completely content. As they passed by, the doctor thought to himself, “Blessed are the simple-minded!” He then sat down on one of the benches on the breakwater, trying to drift off into a lazy stupor.
When he went home in the evening his mother said, without daring to lift her eyes to his face:
When he got home in the evening, his mother said, not daring to look him in the eye:
“You will want a heap of things to take with you. I have ordered your under-linen, and I went into the tailor’s shop about cloth clothes; but is there nothing else you need—things which I, perhaps, know nothing about?”
“You're going to need a lot of stuff to take with you. I've ordered your underwear, and I stopped by the tailor's for some clothing; but is there anything else you need—things that I might not know about?”
His lips parted to say, “No, nothing.” But he reflected that he must accept the means of getting a decent outfit, and he replied in a very calm voice: “I hardly know myself, yet. I will make inquiries at the office.”
His lips opened to say, “No, nothing.” But he realized he had to accept the way to get a decent outfit, and he replied in a very calm voice: “I don’t really know yet. I’ll ask around at the office.”
He inquired, and they gave him a list of indispensable necessaries. His mother, as she took it from his hand, looked up at him for the first time for very long, and in the depths of her eyes there was the humble expression, gentle, sad, and beseeching, of a dog that has been beaten and begs forgiveness.
He asked, and they handed him a list of essential items. His mother, as she took it from him, looked up at him for the first time in a long while, and in the depths of her eyes was a humble expression, gentle, sad, and pleading, like a dog that has been mistreated and is asking for forgiveness.
On the 1st of October the Lorraine from Saint-Nazaire, came into the harbour of Havre to sail on the 7th, bound for New York, and Pierre Roland was to take possession of the little floating cabin in which henceforth his life was to be confined.
On October 1st, the Lorraine from Saint-Nazaire arrived in the harbor of Havre to leave on the 7th, headed for New York, and Pierre Roland was about to take possession of the small floating cabin where his life would be confined from now on.
Next day as he was going out, he met his mother on the stairs waiting for him, to murmur in an almost inaudible voice:
Next day, as he was heading out, he ran into his mother on the stairs waiting for him, murmuring in an almost whispered voice:
“You would not like me to help you to put things to rights on board?”
“You wouldn't want me to help you set things straight on board?”
“No, thank you. Everything is done.”
“No, thanks. Everything is taken care of.”
Then she said:
Then she said:
“I should have liked to see your cabin.”
“I would have liked to see your cabin.”
“There is nothing to see. It is very small and very ugly.”
“There’s nothing to see. It’s really small and really ugly.”
And he went downstairs, leaving her stricken, leaning against the wall with a wan face.
And he went downstairs, leaving her stunned, leaning against the wall with a pale face.
Now Roland, who had gone over the Lorraine that very day, could talk of nothing all dinnertime but this splendid vessel, and wondered that his wife should not care to see it as their son was to sail on board.
Now Roland, who had crossed the Lorraine that very day, could talk of nothing all dinner long except this amazing ship, and he wondered why his wife didn't want to see it since their son was going to sail on it.
Pierre had scarcely any intercourse with his family during the days which followed. He was nervous, irritable, hard, and his rough speech seemed to lash every one indiscriminately. But the day before he left he was suddenly quite changed, and much softened. As he embraced his parents before going to sleep on board for the first time he said:
Pierre had hardly any interaction with his family during the days that followed. He was anxious, irritable, harsh, and his blunt words seemed to strike out at everyone without exception. However, the day before he left, he suddenly became quite different and much gentler. As he hugged his parents goodnight before sleeping on board for the first time, he said:
“You will come to say good-bye to me on board, will you not?”
“You're going to say goodbye to me on the ship, right?”
Roland exclaimed:
Roland shouted:
“Why, yes, of course—of course, Louise?”
“Why, yes, of course—of course, Louise?”
“Certainly, certainly,” she said in a low voice.
“Sure, sure,” she said in a quiet voice.
Pierre went on: “We sail at eleven precisely. You must be there by half-past nine at the latest.”
Pierre continued, “We leave at eleven sharp. You need to be there by half-past nine at the latest.”
“Hah!” cried his father. “A good idea! As soon as we have bid you good-bye, we will make haste on board the Pearl, and look out for you beyond the jetty, so as to see you once more. What do you say, Louise?”
“Hah!” exclaimed his father. “Great idea! As soon as we say goodbye, we’ll rush on board the Pearl and look for you beyond the jetty, just to see you one last time. What do you think, Louise?”
“Certainly.”
“Sure.”
Roland went on: “And in that way you will not lose sight of us among the crowd which throngs the breakwater when the great liners sail. It is impossible to distinguish your own friends in the mob. Does that meet your views?”
Roland continued, “This way, you won’t lose track of us in the crowd that gathers at the breakwater when the big ships depart. It’s impossible to pick out your own friends in that mass of people. Does that work for you?”
“Yes, to be sure; that is settled.”
"Yes, for sure; that's settled."
An hour later he was lying in his berth—a little crib as long and narrow as a coffin. There he remained with his eyes wide open for a long time, thinking over all that had happened during the last two months of his life, especially in his own soul. By dint of suffering and making others suffer, his aggressive and revengeful anguish had lost its edge, like a blunted sword. He scarcely had the heart left in him to owe any one or anything a grudge; he let his rebellious wrath float away down stream, as his life must. He was so weary of wrestling, weary of fighting, weary of hating, weary of everything, that he was quite worn out, and tried to stupefy his heart with forgetfulness as he dropped asleep. He heard vaguely, all about him, the unwonted noises of the ship, slight noises, and scarcely audible on this calm night in port; and he felt no more of the dreadful wound which had tortured him hitherto, but the discomfort and strain of its healing.
An hour later, he was lying in his bunk—a small space as long and narrow as a coffin. He stayed there, eyes wide open for a long time, reflecting on everything that had happened in the last two months of his life, especially within himself. Through suffering and making others suffer, his aggressive and vengeful pain had dulled, like a worn-out sword. He barely had the energy to hold a grudge against anyone or anything; he let his rebellious anger drift away like his life would. He was so tired of struggling, tired of fighting, tired of hating, tired of everything, that he felt completely drained, trying to numb his heart with forgetfulness as he fell asleep. He faintly heard the unusual sounds of the ship around him, soft noises barely audible on this calm night in the harbor; and he no longer felt the terrible wound that had tormented him before, but the discomfort and strain of its healing.
He had been sleeping soundly when the stir of the crew roused him. It was day; the tidal train had come down to the pier bringing the passengers from Paris. Then he wandered about the vessel among all these busy, bustling folks inquiring for their cabins, questioning and answering each other at random, in the scare and fuss of a voyage already begun. After greeting the Captain and shaking hands with his comrade the purser, he went into the saloon where some Englishmen were already asleep in the corners. The large low room, with its white marble panels framed in gilt beading, was furnished with looking-glasses, which prolonged, in endless perspective, the long tables, flanked by pivot-seats covered with red velvet. It was fit, indeed, to be the vast floating cosmopolitan dining-hall, where the rich natives of two continents might eat in common. Its magnificent luxury was that of great hotels, and theatres, and public rooms; the imposing and commonplace luxury which appeals to the eye of the millionaire.
He had been sleeping soundly when the noise of the crew woke him up. It was daytime; the tidal train had arrived at the pier, bringing passengers from Paris. He then wandered around the ship among all these busy, bustling people, looking for their cabins, asking and answering questions randomly, caught up in the excitement and chaos of a journey that had already started. After greeting the Captain and shaking hands with his friend, the purser, he went into the saloon where some Englishmen were already dozing in the corners. The large, low room, with its white marble panels framed in gold beading, was decorated with mirrors that created an endless view of the long tables, flanked by pivot seats covered in red velvet. It was truly fit to be the vast floating cosmopolitan dining hall, where wealthy people from two continents could dine together. Its magnificent luxury resembled that of grand hotels, theaters, and public spaces; the impressive and ordinary luxury that catches the eye of millionaires.
The doctor was on the point of turning into the second-class saloon, when he remembered that a large cargo of emigrants had come on board the night before, and he went down to the lower deck. He was met by a sickening smell of dirty, poverty-stricken humanity, an atmosphere of naked flesh (far more revolting than the odour of fur or the skin of wild beasts). There, in a sort of basement, low and dark, like a gallery in a mine, Pierre could discern some hundreds of men, women, and children, stretched on shelves fixed one above another, or lying on the floor in heaps. He could not see their faces, but could dimly make out this squalid, ragged crowd of wretches, beaten in the struggle for life, worn out and crushed, setting forth, each with a starving wife and weakly children, for an unknown land where they hoped, perhaps, not to die of hunger. And as he thought of their past labour—wasted labour, and barren effort—of the mortal struggle taken up afresh and in vain each day, of the energy expended by this tattered crew who were going to begin again, not knowing where, this life of hideous misery, he longed to cry out to them:
The doctor was about to head into the second-class lounge when he remembered that a large group of immigrants had boarded the night before, so he went down to the lower deck. He was hit by a nauseating smell of filthy, impoverished humanity, an atmosphere of bare flesh (far more revolting than the scent of fur or wild animal skins). There, in a kind of basement, low and dark, like a gallery in a mine, Pierre could see hundreds of men, women, and children sprawled on shelves stacked one on top of another or lying in heaps on the floor. He couldn’t see their faces but could vaguely make out this dirty, ragged crowd of people, defeated in the struggle for survival, worn out and crushed, each with a starving partner and frail children, embarking for an unknown land where they hoped, perhaps, not to die of hunger. And as he thought of their past efforts—wasted efforts and fruitless toil—of the deadly struggle they faced each day, of the energy spent by this ragged group who were about to start over, not knowing where, this life of horrific misery, he felt a strong urge to cry out to them:
“Tumble yourselves overboard, rather, with your women and your little ones.” And his heart ached so with pity that he went away unable to endure the sight.
“Tumble yourselves overboard, along with your women and your little ones.” And his heart ached so much with pity that he walked away, unable to bear the sight.
He found his father, his mother, Jean, and Mme. Rosémilly waiting for him in his cabin.
He found his dad, his mom, Jean, and Mrs. Rosémilly waiting for him in his cabin.
“So early!” he exclaimed.
"So early!" he said.
“Yes,” said Mme. Roland in a trembling voice. “We wanted to have a little time to see you.”
“Yes,” said Mme. Roland in a shaky voice. “We wanted to have a little time to see you.”
He looked at her. She was dressed all in black as if she were in mourning, and he noticed that her hair, which only a month ago had been gray, was now almost white. It was very difficult to find space for four persons to sit down in the little room, and he himself got on to his bed. The door was left open, and they could see a great crowd hurrying by, as if it were a street on a holiday, for all the friends of the passengers and a host of inquisitive visitors had invaded the huge vessel. They pervaded the passages, the saloons, every corner of the ship; and heads peered in at the doorway while a voice murmured outside: “That is the doctor’s cabin.”
He looked at her. She was dressed all in black like she was in mourning, and he noticed that her hair, which had only been gray a month ago, was now almost white. It was really hard to find room for four people to sit in the tiny space, so he climbed onto his bed. The door was left open, and they could see a big crowd rushing by, as if it were a holiday, because all the friends of the passengers and a bunch of curious visitors had taken over the huge ship. They filled the hallways, the lounges, every corner of the vessel; and heads peeked in through the doorway while a voice murmured outside: “That’s the doctor’s cabin.”
Then Pierre shut the door; but no sooner was he shut in with his own party than he longed to open it again, for the bustle outside covered their agitation and want of words.
Then Pierre shut the door; but as soon as he was alone with his group, he wanted to open it again, because the noise outside masked their tension and struggle to find words.
Mme. Rosémilly at last felt she must speak.
Mme. Rosémilly finally felt she had to say something.
“Very little air comes in through those little windows.”
“Very little air gets in through those small windows.”
“Port-holes,” said Pierre. He showed her how thick the glass was, to enable it to resist the most violent shocks, and took a long time explaining the fastening. Roland presently asked: “And you have your doctor’s shop here?”
“Portholes,” said Pierre. He showed her how thick the glass was to withstand the strongest impacts and took a long time explaining the locking mechanism. Roland then asked, “So, do you have your doctor’s office here?”
The doctor opened a cupboard and displayed an array of phials ticketed with Latin names on white paper labels. He took one out and enumerated the properties of its contents; then a second and a third, a perfect lecture on therapeutics, to which they all listened with great attention. Roland, shaking his head, said again and again: “How very interesting!” There was a tap at the door.
The doctor opened a cupboard and showed an assortment of vials labeled with Latin names on white paper tags. He took one out and listed the properties of what was inside; then a second and a third, giving a perfect lecture on therapeutics, which everyone listened to with great interest. Roland, shaking his head, kept saying: “How fascinating!” There was a knock at the door.
“Come in,” said Pierre, and Captain Beausire appeared.
“Come in,” said Pierre, and Captain Beausire walked in.
“I am late,” he said as he shook hands, “I did not want to be in the way.” He, too, sat down on the bed and silence fell once more.
“I’m late,” he said as he shook hands. “I didn’t want to be in the way.” He also sat down on the bed, and silence settled in again.
Suddenly the Captain pricked his ears. He could hear the orders being given, and he said:
Suddenly, the Captain perked up. He could hear the orders being given, and he said:
“It is time for us to be off if we mean to get on board the Pearl to see you once more outside, and bid you good-bye out on the open sea.”
“It’s time for us to leave if we want to get on board the Pearl to see you again outside and say goodbye out on the open sea.”
Old Roland was very eager about this, to impress the voyagers on board the Lorraine, no doubt, and he rose in haste.
Old Roland was really eager about this, probably to impress the travelers on board the Lorraine, and he stood up quickly.
“Good-bye, my boy.” He kissed Pierre on the whiskers and then opened the door.
“Goodbye, my boy.” He kissed Pierre on the cheek and then opened the door.
Mme. Roland had not stirred, but sat with downcast eyes, very pale. Her husband touched her arm.
Mme. Roland hadn't moved; she sat with her eyes downcast, looking very pale. Her husband touched her arm.
“Come,” he said, “we must make haste, we have not a minute to spare.”
“Come,” he said, “we need to hurry, we don’t have a second to lose.”
She pulled herself up, went to her son and offered him first one and then another cheek of white wax which he kissed without saying a word. Then he shook hands with Mme. Rosémilly and his brother, asking:
She stood up, went over to her son, and offered him first one cheek and then the other, both made of white wax, which he kissed without saying anything. Then he shook hands with Mme. Rosémilly and his brother, asking:
“And when is the wedding to be?”
“And when is the wedding going to be?”
“I do not know yet exactly. We will make it fit in with one of your return voyages.”
“I don’t know yet exactly. We’ll make it work with one of your return trips.”
At last they were all out of the cabin, and up on deck among the crowd of visitors, porters, and sailors. The steam was snorting in the huge belly of the vessel, which seemed to quiver with impatience.
At last they were all out of the cabin and onto the deck, surrounded by a crowd of visitors, porters, and sailors. The steam was hissing in the massive belly of the ship, which seemed to shake with impatience.
“Good-bye,” said Roland in a great bustle.
“Goodbye,” said Roland in a flurry.
“Good-bye,” replied Pierre, standing on one of the landing-planks lying between the deck of the Lorraine and the quay. He shook hands all round once more, and they were gone.
“Goodbye,” Pierre said, standing on one of the boarding planks between the deck of the Lorraine and the quay. He shook hands with everyone again, and then they left.
“Make haste, jump into the carriage,” cried the father.
“Quick, get in the carriage,” shouted the father.
A fly was waiting for them and took them to the outer harbour, where Papagris had the Pearl in readiness to put out to sea.
A fly was waiting for them and took them to the outer harbor, where Papagris had the Pearl ready to head out to sea.
There was not a breath of air; it was one of those crisp, still autumn days, when the sheeny sea looks as cold and hard as polished steel.
There wasn’t a breath of air; it was one of those crisp, calm autumn days when the shiny sea looks as cold and hard as polished steel.
Jean took one oar, the sailor seized the other and they pulled off. On the breakwater, on the piers, even on the granite parapets, a crowd stood packed, hustling, and noisy, to see the Lorraine come out. The Pearl glided down between these two waves of humanity and was soon outside the mole.
Jean grabbed one oar, the sailor took the other, and they set off. On the breakwater, on the piers, and even on the granite railings, a thick crowd gathered, bustling and loud, to watch the Lorraine come out. The Pearl smoothly moved through these two waves of people and was soon outside the harbor.
Captain Beausire, seated between the two women, held the tiller, and he said:
Captain Beausire, sitting between the two women, held the steering wheel and said:
“You will see, we shall be close in her way—close.”
“You'll see, we'll be right there in her path—right there.”
And the two oarsmen pulled with all their might to get out as far as possible. Suddenly Roland cried out:
And the two rowers pulled with all their strength to get as far away as they could. Suddenly, Roland shouted:
“Here she comes! I see her masts and her two funnels! She is coming out of the inner harbour.”
“Here she comes! I can see her masts and her two smokestacks! She's coming out of the inner harbor.”
“Cheerily, lads!” cried Beausire.
“Cheer up, guys!” cried Beausire.
Mme. Roland took out her handkerchief and held it to her eyes.
Mme. Roland pulled out her tissue and pressed it to her eyes.
Roland stood up, clinging to the mast, and answered:
Roland stood up, gripping the mast, and replied:
“At this moment she is working round in the outer harbour. She is standing still—now she moves again! She is taking the tow-rope on board no doubt. There she goes. Bravo! She is between the piers! Do you hear the crowd shouting? Bravo! The Neptune has her in tow. Now I see her bows—here she comes—here she is! Gracious Heavens, what a ship! Look! Look!”
“At this moment she is moving around in the outer harbor. She’s stopped—now she’s moving again! She’s probably taking the tow-rope on board. There she goes. Awesome! She’s between the piers! Do you hear the crowd cheering? Awesome! The Neptune is towing her. Now I see her bow—here she comes—here she is! Wow, what a ship! Look! Look!”
Mme. Rosémilly and Beausire looked behind them, the oarsmen ceased pulling; only Mme. Roland did not stir.
Mme. Rosémilly and Beausire looked back, the rowers stopped pulling; only Mme. Roland didn’t move.
The immense steamship, towed by a powerful tug, which, in front of her, looked like a caterpillar, came slowly and majestically out of the harbour. And the good people of Havre, who crowded the piers, the beach, and the windows, carried away by a burst of patriotic enthusiasm, cried: “Vive la Lorraine!” with acclamations and applause for this magnificent beginning, this birth of the beautiful daughter given to the sea by the great maritime town.
The massive steamship, towed by a strong tug that looked like a caterpillar in front of it, slowly and grandly emerged from the harbor. The good people of Havre, crowding the piers, the beach, and the windows, swept up in a wave of patriotic excitement, shouted: “Vive la Lorraine!” with cheers and applause for this magnificent start, this arrival of the beautiful daughter sent to the sea by the great maritime town.
She, as soon as she had passed beyond the narrow channel between the two granite walls, feeling herself free at last, cast off the tow-ropes and went off alone, like a monstrous creature walking on the waters.
She, as soon as she had gone past the narrow channel between the two granite walls, feeling free at last, released the tow-ropes and moved off alone, like a gigantic creature walking on the water.
“Here she is—here she comes, straight down on us!” Roland kept shouting; and Beausire, beaming, exclaimed: “What did I promise you! Heh! Do I know the way?”
“Here she is—here she comes, right toward us!” Roland kept shouting; and Beausire, grinning, replied: “What did I promise you! Hey! Do I know the way?”
Jean in a low tone said to his mother: “Look, mother, she is close upon us!” And Mme. Roland uncovered her eyes, blinded with tears.
Jean said softly to his mother, “Look, Mom, she’s almost here!” And Mme. Roland wiped her tear-filled eyes.
The Lorraine came on, still under the impetus of her swift exit from the harbour, in the brilliant, calm weather. Beausire, with his glass to his eye, called out:
The Lorraine moved forward, still energized by her quick departure from the harbor, in the bright, calm weather. Beausire, looking through his binoculars, shouted:
“Look out! M. Pierre is at the stern, all alone, plainly to be seen! Look out!”
“Watch out! M. Pierre is at the back, all by himself, clearly visible! Watch out!”
The ship was almost touching the Pearl now, as tall as a mountain and as swift as a train. Mme. Roland, distraught and desperate, held out her arms towards it; and she saw her son, her Pierre, with his officer’s cap on, throwing kisses to her with both hands.
The ship was nearly touching the Pearl now, towering like a mountain and moving as fast as a train. Mme. Roland, upset and desperate, stretched out her arms towards it; and she saw her son, her Pierre, wearing his officer’s cap, blowing kisses to her with both hands.
But he was going away, flying, vanishing, a tiny speck already, no more than an imperceptible spot on the enormous vessel. She tried still to distinguish him, but she could not.
But he was leaving, flying away, disappearing, a tiny dot already, just an invisible spot on the huge ship. She tried to make him out, but she couldn’t.
Jean took her hand.
Jean held her hand.
“You saw?” he said.
“Did you see?” he said.
“Yes, I saw. How good he is!”
“Yes, I saw. He’s really good!”
And they turned to go home.
They went home.
“Cristi! How fast she goes!” exclaimed Roland with enthusiastic conviction.
“Cristi! She’s so fast!” exclaimed Roland with enthusiastic conviction.
The steamer, in fact, was shrinking every second, as though she were melting away in the ocean. Mme. Roland, turning back to look at her, watched her disappearing on the horizon, on her way to an unknown land at the other side of the world.
The steamer was actually getting smaller with each passing second, as if it were melting into the ocean. Mme. Roland, turning to look back at it, watched it vanish on the horizon, heading toward an unknown land on the other side of the world.
In that vessel which nothing could stay, that vessel which she soon would see no more, was her son, her poor son. And she felt as though half her heart had gone with him; she felt, too, as if her life were ended; yes, and she felt as though she would never see the child again.
In that boat that nothing could stop, that boat she would soon no longer see, was her son, her sweet boy. It felt like half her heart was gone with him; she also felt like her life was over; yes, and she felt like she would never see her child again.
“Why are you crying?” asked her husband, “when you know he will be back again within a month.”
“Why are you crying?” her husband asked. “You know he'll be back in a month.”
She stammered out: “I don’t know; I cry because I am hurt.”
She stammered, “I don’t know; I cry because I’m hurt.”
When they had landed, Beausire at once took leave of them to go to breakfast with a friend. Then Jean led the way with Mme. Rosémilly, and Roland said to his wife:
When they landed, Beausire immediately said goodbye to go have breakfast with a friend. Then Jean took the lead with Madame Rosémilly, and Roland said to his wife:
“A very fine fellow, all the same, is our Jean.”
“A really great guy, after all, is our Jean.”
“Yes,” replied the mother.
"Yes," replied Mom.
And her mind being too much bewildered to think of what she was saying, she went on:
And her mind was too confused to think about what she was saying, so she continued:
“I am very glad that he is to marry Mme. Rosémilly.”
“I’m really happy that he’s going to marry Mme. Rosémilly.”
The worthy man was astounded.
The good man was amazed.
“Heh? What? He is to marry Mme. Rosémilly?”
“Heh? What? He’s going to marry Mrs. Rosémilly?”
“Yes, we meant to ask your opinion about it this very day.”
“Yes, we meant to ask for your thoughts on it today.”
“Bless me! And has this engagement been long in the wind?”
“Wow! Has this engagement been in the works for a while?”
“Oh, no, only a very few days. Jean wished to make sure that she would accept him before consulting you.”
“Oh, no, just a few days. Jean wanted to make sure she would accept him before talking to you.”
Roland rubbed his hands.
Roland rubbed his hands together.
“Very good. Very good. It is capital. I entirely approve.”
“Very good. Very good. It’s great. I completely approve.”
As they were about to turn off from the quay down the Boulevard François, his wife once more looked back to cast a last look at the high seas, but she could see nothing now but a puff of gray smoke, so far away, so faint that it looked like a film of haze.
As they were about to leave the dock and head down Boulevard François, his wife glanced back one last time at the open sea, but all she could see now was a wisp of gray smoke, so distant and faint that it resembled a thin layer of haze.
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