This is a modern-English version of Amusement Only, originally written by Marsh, Richard. It has been thoroughly updated, including changes to sentence structure, words, spelling, and grammar—to ensure clarity for contemporary readers, while preserving the original spirit and nuance. If you click on a paragraph, you will see the original text that we modified, and you can toggle between the two versions.

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Transcriber's Note:
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http://books.google.com/books?id=IzYPAAAAQAAJ





Transcriber's Note:
1. Page scan source:
http://books.google.com/books?id=IzYPAAAAQAAJ





NEW NOVELS AT THE LIBRARIES.

In Single Volume form, each Six Shillings.


A SUFFOLK COURTSHIP. By M. Betham-Edwards. Author of "Kitty," "Dr. Jacob," "Brother Gabriel," "The Lord of the Harvest," &c.

A SUFFOLK COURTSHIP. By M. Betham-Edwards. Author of "Kitty," "Dr. Jacob," "Brother Gabriel," "The Lord of the Harvest," etc.

THE DISHONOUR OF FRANK SCOTT. By M. Hamilton, Author of "A Self-Denying Ordinance," "McLeod of the Camerons," &c.

THE DISHONOR OF FRANK SCOTT. By M. Hamilton, Author of "A Self-Denying Ordinance," "McLeod of the Camerons," & etc.

A DAUGHTER OF WITCHES. A Romance. By Joanna B. Wood, Author of "The Untempered Wind," "Judith Moore," &c.

A DAUGHTER OF WITCHES. A Romance. By Joanna B. Wood, Author of "The Untempered Wind," "Judith Moore," & more.

THE WORLD'S SLOW STAIN. By Harold Vallings, Author of "The Transgression of Terence Clancy," "A Month of Madness," &c.

THE WORLD'S SLOW STAIN. By Harold Vallings, Author of "The Transgression of Terence Clancy," "A Month of Madness," & others.

MOTHER-SISTER. By Edwin Puqh, Author of "Tony Drum," "The Man of Straw," &c.

MOTHER-SISTER. By Edwin Pugh, Author of "Tony Drum," "The Man of Straw," etc.


LONDON: HURST & BLACKETT, LIMITED.







AMUSEMENT ONLY







AMUSEMENT ONLY




BY

RICHARD MARSH

AUTHOR OF

"THE BEETLE," "THE SEEN AND THE UNSEEN,"
"FRIVOLITIES," "MARVELS AND MYSTERIES," Etc..




IN ONE VOLUME




LONDON

HURST AND BLACKETT, LIMITED

13, GREAT MARLBOROUGH STREET

1901

All rights reserved






PRINTED BY KELLEY'S DIRECTORIES LIMITED
LONDON AND KINGSTON.






CONTENTS.







AMUSEMENT ONLY.





THE LOST DUCHESS.


CHAPTER I.

THE DUCHESS IS LOST.


"Has the Duchess returned?"

"Is the Duchess back?"

Knowles came further into the room. He had a letter on a salver. When the Duke had taken it, Knowles still lingered. The Duke glanced at him.

Knowles stepped further into the room, holding a letter on a tray. After the Duke took it, Knowles remained to linger. The Duke looked over at him.

"Is an answer required?"

"Is an answer needed?"

"No, your Grace." Still Knowles lingered. "Something a little singular has happened. The carriage has returned without the Duchess, and the men say that they thought her Grace was in it."

"No, your Grace." Knowles hesitated. "Something a bit unusual has happened. The carriage came back without the Duchess, and the men say they believed her Grace was inside."

"What do you mean?"

"What do you mean?"

"I hardly understand myself, your Grace. Perhaps you would like to see Barnes."

"I hardly understand myself, Your Grace. Maybe you'd like to see Barnes."

Barnes was the coachman.

Barnes was the driver.

"Send him up." When Knowles had gone, and he was alone, his Grace showed signs of being slightly annoyed. He looked at his watch. "I told her she'd better be in by four. She says that she's not feeling well, and yet one would think that she was not aware of the fatigue entailed in having the Prince to dinner, and a mob of people to follow. I particularly wished her to lie down for a couple of hours."

"Send him up." Once Knowles left and he was by himself, his Grace looked a bit irritated. He checked his watch. "I told her she should be back by four. She claims she's not feeling well, but you’d think she doesn’t realize how tiring it is to have the Prince over for dinner, along with a bunch of guests. I really wanted her to rest for a couple of hours."

Knowles ushered in not only Barnes, the coachman, but Moysey, the footman, too. Both these persons seemed to be ill at ease. The Duke glanced at them sharply. In his voice there was a suggestion of impatience.

Knowles brought in not just Barnes, the coachman, but also Moysey, the footman. Both of them appeared to be uncomfortable. The Duke looked at them sharply. There was a hint of impatience in his voice.

"What is the matter?"

"What's the matter?"

Barnes explained as best he could.

Barnes explained it as clearly as he could.

"If you please, your Grace, we waited for the Duchess outside Cane and Wilson's, the drapers. The Duchess came out, got into the carriage, and Moysey shut the door, and her Grace said, 'Home!' and yet when we got home she wasn't there."

"If you don’t mind, Your Grace, we waited for the Duchess outside Cane and Wilson's, the clothiers. The Duchess came out, got into the carriage, and Moysey closed the door. Her Grace said, 'Home!' but when we arrived home, she wasn’t there."

"She wasn't where?"

"Where wasn't she?"

"Her Grace wasn't in the carriage, your Grace."

"She wasn't in the carriage, your Grace."

"What on earth do you mean?"

"What do you mean?"

"Her Grace did get into the carriage; you shut the door, didn't you?"

"She got into the car; you closed the door, right?"

Barnes turned to Moysey. Moysey brought his hand up to his brow in a sort of military salute--he had been a soldier in the regiment in which, once upon a time, the Duke had been a subaltern:

Barnes turned to Moysey. Moysey raised his hand to his forehead in a kind of military salute—he had been a soldier in the regiment where, at one time, the Duke had been a junior officer.

"She did. The Duchess came out of the shop. She seemed rather in a hurry, I thought. She got into the carriage, and she said, 'Home, Moysey!' I shut the door, and Barnes drove straight home. We never stopped anywhere, and we never noticed nothing happen on the way; and yet when we got home the carriage was empty."

"She did. The Duchess stepped out of the shop. She looked like she was in a bit of a hurry, I noticed. She got into the carriage and said, 'Home, Moysey!' I closed the door, and Barnes drove straight home. We didn't stop anywhere, and we didn't see anything happen on the way; and yet when we got home, the carriage was empty."

The Duke stared.

The Duke looked intently.

"Do you mean to tell me that the Duchess got out of the carriage while you were driving full pelt through the streets without saying anything to you, and without you noticing it?"

"Are you seriously telling me that the Duchess got out of the carriage while you were speeding through the streets without saying a word to you, and you didn't even notice?"

"The carriage was empty when we got home, your Grace."

"The carriage was empty when we got home, Your Grace."

"Was either of the doors open?"

"Was either door unlocked?"

"No, your Grace."

"No, Your Grace."

"You fellows have been up to some infernal mischief. You have made a mess of it. You never picked up the Duchess, and you're trying to palm this tale off on to me to save yourselves."

"You guys have been up to some serious trouble. You’ve really messed things up. You never got the Duchess, and now you’re trying to dump this story on me to save your own skins."

Barnes was moved to adjuration:

Barnes was moved to urge:

"I'll take my Bible oath, your Grace, that the Duchess got into the carriage outside Cane and Wilson's."

"I swear on my Bible, Your Grace, that the Duchess got into the carriage outside Cane and Wilson's."

Moysey seconded his colleague:

Moysey supported his colleague:

"I will swear to that, your Grace. She got into the carriage, and I shut the door, and she said, 'Home, Moysey!'"

"I swear to that, your Grace. She got into the carriage, and I shut the door, and she said, 'Home, Moysey!'"

The Duke looked as if he did not know what to make of the story and its tellers.

The Duke looked unsure about what to think of the story and the people telling it.

"What carriage did you have?"

"What carriage did you use?"

"Her Grace's brougham, your Grace."

"Your Grace's carriage, your Grace."

Knowles interposed:

Knowles intervened:

"The brougham was ordered because I understood that the Duchess was not feeling very well, and there's rather a high wind, your Grace."

"The brougham was requested because I heard that the Duchess wasn't feeling well, and there's quite a strong wind, your Grace."

The Duke snapped at him:

The Duke snapped at him:

"What has that to do with it? Are you suggesting that the Duchess was more likely to jump out of a brougham while it was dashing through the streets than out of any other kind of vehicle?"

"What does that have to do with anything? Are you saying that the Duchess was more likely to jump out of a brougham while it was racing through the streets than out of any other type of vehicle?"

The Duke's glance fell on the letter which Knowles had brought him when he first had entered. He had placed it on his writing-table. Now he took it up. It was addressed:

The Duke's gaze landed on the letter that Knowles had given him when he first arrived. He had set it on his desk. Now he picked it up. It was addressed:


"To His Grace

"To His Excellency"

"The Duke of Datchet.

The Duke of Datchet.

"Private!

"Private!"

"Very Pressing!!!"

"Very Urgent!!!"


The name was written in a fine, clear, almost feminine hand. The words in the left-hand corner of the envelope were written in a different hand. They were large and bold; almost as though they had been painted with the end of the penholder instead of being written with the pen. The envelope itself was of an unusual size, and bulged out as though it contained something else besides a letter.

The name was written in a neat, clear, almost feminine style. The words in the left-hand corner of the envelope were in a different handwriting. They were large and bold, almost like they were painted with the end of the pen instead of being written with it. The envelope itself was an unusual size and bulged as if it contained something other than just a letter.

The Duke tore the envelope open. As he did so something fell out of it on to the writing-table. It looked as though it was a lock of a woman's hair. As he glanced at it the Duke seemed to be a trifle startled. The Duke read the letter:

The Duke ripped open the envelope. When he did, something fell out onto the writing table. It appeared to be a lock of a woman's hair. As he looked at it, the Duke seemed slightly startled. The Duke read the letter:

"Your Grace will be so good as to bring five hundred pounds (£500) in gold to the Piccadilly end of the Burlington Arcade within an hour of the receipt of this. The Duchess of Datchet has been kidnapped. An imitation duchess got into the carriage, which was waiting outside Cane and Wilson's and she alighted on the road. Unless your Grace does as you are requested the Duchess of Datchet's left-hand little finger will be at once cut off, and sent home in time to receive the Prince to dinner. Other portions of her Grace will follow. A lock of her Grace's hair is enclosed with this as an earnest of our good intentions.

"Please bring five hundred pounds (£500) in gold to the Piccadilly end of the Burlington Arcade within an hour of receiving this. The Duchess of Datchet has been kidnapped. A fake duchess got into the carriage waiting outside Cane and Wilson's and got out on the road. If you don’t comply with this request, the Duchess of Datchet's left-hand little finger will be cut off and sent back in time for the Prince's dinner. Other parts of her Grace will follow. A lock of her Grace's hair is included with this as proof of our good intentions."

"Before 5.30 p.m. your Grace is requested to be at the Piccadilly end of the Burlington Arcade with five hundred pounds (£500) in gold. You will there be accosted by an individual in a white top-hat, and with a gardenia in his button-hole. You will be entirely at liberty to give him into custody, or to have him followed by the police. In which case the Duchess's left arm, cut off at the shoulder, will be sent home for dinner--not to mention other extremely possible contingencies. But you are advised to give the individual in question the five hundred pounds in gold, because in that case the Duchess herself will be home in time to receive the Prince to dinner, and with one of the best stories with which to entertain your distinguished guests they ever heard.

"Before 5:30 p.m, your Grace is asked to be at the Piccadilly end of the Burlington Arcade with five hundred pounds (£500) in gold. There, you will be approached by a person in a white top hat with a gardenia in his buttonhole. You are free to either turn him over to the authorities or have him followed by the police. If you choose the latter, the Duchess's left arm, severed at the shoulder, will be sent home for dinner—not to mention other highly possible outcomes. However, you are advised to give the individual the five hundred pounds in gold, as this would ensure the Duchess returns home in time to host the Prince for dinner, along with one of the best stories ever to entertain your distinguished guests."

"Remember! not later than 5.30, unless you wish to receive her Grace's little finger."

"Remember! by 5:30, unless you want to receive her Grace's little finger."

The Duke stared at this amazing epistle when he had read it as though he had found it difficult to believe the evidence of his eyes. He was not a demonstrative person as a rule, but this little communication astonished even him. He read it again. Then his hands dropped to his sides and he swore.

The Duke looked at this incredible letter after reading it, as if he could hardly believe what he was seeing. He usually wasn't one to show his emotions, but this brief message surprised him even more than usual. He read it again. Then his hands fell to his sides, and he swore.

He took up the lock of hair which had fallen out of the envelope. Was it possible that it could be his wife's, the Duchess? Was it possible that a Duchess of Datchet could be kidnapped, in broad daylight, in the heart of London, and be sent home, as it were, in pieces? Had sacrilegious hands already been playing pranks with that great lady's hair? Certainly, that hair was so like her hair that the mere resemblance made his Grace's blood run cold. He turned on Messrs. Barnes and Moysey as though he would have liked to rend them:

He picked up the lock of hair that had fallen out of the envelope. Could it be his wife's, the Duchess? Could a Duchess of Datchet really be kidnapped in broad daylight, right in the heart of London, and sent home in pieces? Had some disrespectful hands already been messing around with that great lady's hair? Certainly, that hair looked so much like her hair that the mere resemblance made his Grace's blood run cold. He turned to Messrs. Barnes and Moysey as if he wanted to tear them apart:

"You scoundrels!"

"You rascals!"

He moved forward as though the intention had entered his ducal heart to knock his servants down. But, if that were so, he did not act quite up to his intention. Instead, he stretched out his arm, pointing at them as if he were an accusing spirit:

He moved forward as if he intended to knock down his servants. But if that was his intention, he didn’t fully act on it. Instead, he extended his arm, pointing at them as if he were a ghost calling them out:

"Will you swear that it was the Duchess who got into the carriage outside Cane and Wilson's?"

"Will you swear it was the Duchess who got into the car outside Cane and Wilson's?"

Barnes began to stammer:

Barnes started to stammer:

"I--I'll swear, your Grace, that I--I thought----"

"I—I swear, your Grace, that I—I thought----"

The Duke stormed an interruption:

The Duke interrupted angrily:

"I don't ask what you thought. I ask you, will you swear it was?"

"I don't care what you thought. I’m asking you, will you swear it was?"

The Duke's anger was more than Barnes could face. He was silent. Moysey showed a larger courage:

The Duke's anger was more than Barnes could handle. He stayed quiet. Moysey displayed greater bravery:

"Could have sworn that it was at the time, your Grace. But now it seems to me that it's a rummy go."

"Could have sworn that it was back then, your Grace. But now it seems to me that it's a strange situation."

"A rummy go!" The peculiarity of the phrase did not seem to strike the Duke just then--at least, he echoed it as if it didn't. "You call it a rummy go! Do you know that I am told in this letter that the woman who had entered the carriage was not the Duchess? What you were thinking about, or what case you will be able to make out for yourselves, you know better than I; but I can tell you this--that in an hour you will leave my service, and you may esteem yourselves fortunate if, to-night, you are not both of you sleeping in gaol. Knowles! take these men to a room, and lock them in it, and set some one to see that they don't get out of it, and come back at once. You understand, at once--to me!"

"A strange situation!" The oddity of the phrase didn't seem to register with the Duke at that moment—at least, he repeated it as if it didn’t. "You call it a strange situation! Do you realize that this letter says the woman who got into the carriage wasn't the Duchess? What you’re thinking or how you plan to defend yourselves, you know better than I; but I can tell you this—you’ll be leaving my service in an hour, and consider yourselves lucky if, tonight, you’re not both sleeping in jail. Knowles! take these men to a room, lock them in, and have someone watch them to make sure they can’t get out, and come back right away. Do you understand? Right away—to me!"

Knowles did not give Messrs. Barnes and Moysey a chance to offer a remonstrance, even if they had been disposed to do so. He escorted them out of the room with a dexterity and a celerity which did him credit, and in a remarkably short space of time he returned to the ducal presence. He was the Duke's own servant--his own particular man. He was a little older than the Duke, and he had been his servant almost ever since the Duke had been old enough to have a servant of his very own. Probably James Knowles knew more than any living creature of the Duke's "secret history"--as they call it in the chroniques scandaleuses--of his little peculiarities, of his strong points, and his weak ones. And, in the possession of this knowledge, he had borne himself in a manner which had caused the Duke to come to look upon him as a man in whom he might have confidence--that confidence which a penitent has in a confessor--to look upon him as a trusted and a trustworthy friend.

Knowles didn't give Messrs. Barnes and Moysey a chance to protest, even if they wanted to. He quickly and skillfully escorted them out of the room, which reflected well on him, and soon returned to the Duke. He was the Duke's personal servant—his right-hand man. He was slightly older than the Duke and had been serving him almost since the Duke was old enough to have a servant of his own. James Knowles probably knew more about the Duke's "secret history"—as they call it in the chroniques scandaleuses—about his quirks, strengths, and weaknesses than anyone else alive. With this knowledge, he had conducted himself in a way that made the Duke come to view him as someone he could trust—a trust similar to what a penitent has in a confessor—seeing him as a reliable and dependable friend.

When Knowles reappeared the Duke handed him the curious epistle with which he had been favoured.

When Knowles came back, the Duke handed him the strange letter he had received.

"Read that, and tell me what you think of it."

"Read that and let me know what you think."

Knowles read it. His countenance was even more of a mask than the Duke's. He evinced no sign of astonishment.

Knowles read it. His face was an even bigger mask than the Duke's. He showed no sign of surprise.

"I am inclined, your Grace, to think that it's a hoax."

"I think it's a hoax, Your Grace."

"A hoax! I don't know what you call a hoax! That is not a hoax!" The Duke held out the lock of hair which had fallen from the envelope. "I have compared it with the hair in my locket, and it is the Duchess's hair."

"A hoax! I don't know what you mean by hoax! That is not a hoax!" The Duke held out the lock of hair that had fallen from the envelope. "I compared it with the hair in my locket, and it's the Duchess's hair."

"May I look at it?"

"Can I see it?"

The Duke handed it to Knowles. Knowles examined it closely.

The Duke handed it to Knowles. Knowles looked it over carefully.

"It resembles her Grace's hair."

"It looks like her Grace's hair."

"Resembles! It is her hair."

"Looks like! It's her hair."

Knowles still continued to reflect. He offered a suggestion.

Knowles kept thinking. He made a suggestion.

"Shall I send for the police?"

"Should I call the cops?"

"The police! What's the good of sending for the police? If what that letter says is true, by the time I have succeeded in making a thick-skulled constable understand what has happened the Duchess will be--will be mutilated!"

"The police! What's the point of calling the police? If what that letter says is true, by the time I manage to get a thick-headed officer to understand what's happened, the Duchess will be—will be hurt!"

The Duke turned away as if the thought were frightful--as, indeed, it was.

The Duke turned away as if the thought was terrifying--which, in fact, it was.

"Is that all you can suggest?"

"Is that the best you can come up with?"

"Unless your Grace proposes taking the five hundred pounds."

"Unless you propose taking the five hundred pounds."

One might almost have suspected that the words were spoken in irony. But before he could answer another servant entered, who also brought a letter for the Duke. When his Grace's glance fell on it he uttered an exclamation. The writing on the envelope was the same writing that had been on the envelope which had contained the very singular communication--like it in all respects down to the broomstick-end thickness of the "Private!" and "Very pressing!!!" in the corner.

One might have thought the words were said sarcastically. But before he could respond, another servant walked in, bringing a letter for the Duke. When his Grace saw it, he gasped. The handwriting on the envelope was identical to that on the envelope of the rather unusual message—similar in every way, right down to the broomstick-thin thickness of the "Private!" and "Very pressing!!!" in the corner.

"Who brought this?" stormed the Duke.

"Who brought this?" the Duke shouted.

The servant appeared to be a little startled by the violence of his Grace's manner.

The servant seemed a bit taken aback by the intensity of his Grace's behavior.

"A lady--or, at least, your Grace, she seemed to be a lady."

"A woman—or, at least, your Grace, she appeared to be a lady."

"Where is she?"

"Where's she at?"

"She came in a hansom, your Grace. She gave me that letter, and said, 'Give that to the Duke of Datchet at once--without a moment's delay!' Then she got into the hansom again, and drove away."

"She arrived in a cab, your Grace. She handed me that letter and said, 'Deliver that to the Duke of Datchet immediately—without any delay!' Then she got back in the cab and drove off."

"Why didn't you stop her?"

"Why didn't you stop her?"

"Your Grace!"

"Your Highness!"

The man seemed surprised, as though the idea of stopping chance visitors to the ducal mansion vi et armis had not, until that moment, entered into his philosophy. The Duke continued to regard the man as if he could say a good deal, if he chose. Then he pointed to the door. His lips said nothing, but his gesture much. The servant vanished.

The man looked surprised, as if the thought of stopping random visitors to the duke's mansion by force had never crossed his mind until now. The Duke kept looking at the man as if he could share a lot, if he wanted to. Then he gestured towards the door. He didn't say anything, but his body language said a lot. The servant disappeared.

"Another hoax!" the Duke said, grimly, as he tore the envelope open.

"Another scam!" the Duke said, grimly, as he ripped open the envelope.

This time the envelope contained a sheet of paper, and in the sheet of paper another envelope. The Duke unfolded the sheet of paper. On it some words were written. These:

This time the envelope had a piece of paper inside, and in that paper was another envelope. The Duke opened up the sheet of paper. Some words were written on it. These:

"The Duchess appears so particularly anxious to drop you a line, that one really hasn't the heart to refuse her. Her Grace's communication--written amidst blinding tears!--you will find enclosed with this."

"The Duchess seems so eager to get in touch with you that it's hard to say no. You'll find her letter—written through blinding tears—enclosed with this."

"Knowles," said the Duke, in a voice which actually trembled, "Knowles, hoax or no hoax, I will be even with the gentleman who wrote that."

"Knowles," said the Duke, in a voice that actually shook, "Knowles, whether it's a prank or not, I’m going to get back at the guy who wrote that."

Handing the sheet of paper to Mr. Knowles, his Grace turned his attention to the envelope which had been enclosed. It was a small square envelope, of the finest quality, and it reeked with perfume. The Duke's countenance assumed an added frown--he had no fondness for envelopes which were scented. In the centre of the envelope were the words "To the Duke of Datchet," written in the big, bold, sprawling hand which he knew so well.

Handing the sheet of paper to Mr. Knowles, his Grace focused on the envelope that came with it. It was a small square envelope, made of the finest quality, and it was heavily perfumed. The Duke frowned even more—he had no liking for scented envelopes. In the center of the envelope were the words "To the Duke of Datchet," written in the big, bold, sprawling handwriting that he recognized immediately.

"Mabel's writing," he said to himself, as, with shaking fingers, he tore the envelope open.

"Mabel's writing," he thought to himself as he tore open the envelope with trembling fingers.

The sheet of paper which he took out was almost as stiff as cardboard. It, too, emitted what his Grace deemed the nauseous odours of the perfumer's shop.

The piece of paper he pulled out was nearly as stiff as cardboard. It also released what his Grace considered the disgusting smells of the perfume shop.

On it was written this letter:

On it was written this letter:

"My dear Hereward,--For Heaven's sake do what these people require! I don't know what has happened or where I am, but I am nearly distracted! They have already cut off some of my hair, and they tell me that, if you don't let them have five hundred pounds in gold by half-past five, they will cut off my little finger too. I would sooner die than lose my little finger--and--I don't know what else besides.

"My dear Hereward,—For Heaven's sake, please do what these people want! I don’t know what’s happened or where I am, but I’m nearly going crazy! They’ve already cut off some of my hair, and they say if you don’t give them five hundred pounds in gold by half-past five, they will cut off my little finger too. I would rather die than lose my little finger—and—I don’t know what else, too."

"By the token which I send you, and which has never, until now, been off my breast, I conjure you to help me.--MABEL.

"With this token I'm sending you, which I've held close to my heart until now, I ask for your help.--MABEL."

"Hereward--help me!"

"Hereward—help me!"

When he read that letter the Duke turned white--very white, as white as the paper on which it was written. He passed the epistle on to Knowles.

When he read that letter, the Duke went pale—really pale, as pale as the paper it was written on. He handed the letter to Knowles.

"I suppose that also is a hoax?"

"I guess that's another prank, right?"

He spoke in a tone of voice which was unpleasantly cold--a coldness which Mr. Knowles was aware, from not inconsiderable experience, betokened that the Duke was white-hot within.

He spoke in a tone that was uncomfortably cold—a coldness that Mr. Knowles knew well from considerable experience indicated that the Duke was seething with anger inside.

Mr. Knowles's demeanour, however, betrayed no sign that he was aware of anything of the kind, he being conscious that there is a certain sort of knowledge which is apt, at times, to be dangerous to its possessor. He read the letter from beginning to end.

Mr. Knowles's demeanor, however, showed no indication that he was aware of anything like that, as he understood that there is a certain type of knowledge that can, at times, be dangerous for its bearer. He read the letter from start to finish.

"This certainly does resemble her Grace's writing."

"This definitely looks like her Grace's writing."

"You think it does resemble it, do you? You think that there is a certain faint and distant similarity?" The Duke asked these questions quietly--too quietly. Then, all at once, he thundered--which Mr. Knowles was quite prepared for--"Why, you idiot, don't you know it is her writing?"

"You think it looks similar, huh? You think there's a faint and distant resemblance?" The Duke asked these questions softly—way too softly. Then, suddenly, he roared—which Mr. Knowles was totally ready for—"Why, you fool, don't you realize it's her handwriting?"

Mr. Knowles gave way another point. He was, constitutionally, too much of a diplomatist to concede more than a point at a time.

Mr. Knowles conceded another point. He was, by nature, too much of a diplomat to give up more than one point at a time.

"So far as appearances go, I am bound to admit that I think it possible that it is her Grace's writing."

"So far as appearances go, I have to admit that I think it's possible that it's her Grace's writing."

Then the Duke let fly at him--at this perfectly innocent man. But, of course, Mr. Knowles was long since inured.

Then the Duke went off on him—on this totally innocent guy. But, of course, Mr. Knowles was already used to it.

"Perhaps you would like me to send for an expert in writing? Or perhaps you would prefer that I should send for half-a-dozen? And by the time that they had sent in their reports, and you had reported on their reports, and they had reported on your report of their reports, and some one or other of you had made up his mind, the Duchess would be dead. Yes, sir, and you'd have murdered her!"

"Maybe you want me to call in a writing expert? Or would you rather I get half a dozen? By the time they submit their reports, and you go over their reports, and they go over your take on their reports, and someone finally decides, the Duchess will be dead. Yes, sir, and you'd be responsible for her death!"

His Grace hurled this frightful accusation at Mr. Knowles, as if Mr. Knowles had been a criminal standing in the dock.

His Grace threw this terrible accusation at Mr. Knowles, as if Mr. Knowles were a criminal on trial.

While the Duke had been collecting and discharging his nice derangement of epithets his fingers had been examining the interior of the envelope which had held the letter which purported to be written by his wife. When his fingers reappeared he was holding something between his first finger and his thumb. He glanced at this himself. Then he held it out towards Mr. Knowles.

While the Duke had been going on with his fancy words, his fingers were checking out the inside of the envelope that had contained the letter supposedly written by his wife. When his fingers came back into view, he was holding something between his index finger and thumb. He looked at it briefly himself. Then he extended it toward Mr. Knowles.

Again his voice was trembling.

His voice was shaking again.

"If this letter is not from the Duchess, how came that to be in the envelope?"

"If this letter isn't from the Duchess, how did it end up in the envelope?"

Mr. Knowles endeavoured to see what the Duke was holding. It was so minute an object that it was a little difficult to make out exactly what it was, and the Duke appeared to be unwilling to let it go.

Mr. Knowles tried to see what the Duke was holding. It was such a tiny object that it was a bit hard to tell exactly what it was, and the Duke seemed reluctant to let it go.

So his Grace explained:

So his Grace explained:

"That is the half of a sixpence which I gave to the Duchess when I asked her to be my wife. You see it is pierced. I pierced that hole in it myself. As the Duchess says in this letter, and as I have reason to know, she has worn this broken sixpence from that hour to this. If this letter is not hers, how came this token in the envelope? How came any one to know, even, that she carried it?"

"That's the half of a sixpence I gave to the Duchess when I asked her to marry me. You can see it's got a hole in it. I made that hole myself. As the Duchess mentions in this letter, and as I know for a fact, she's worn this broken sixpence from then until now. If this letter isn't hers, how did this token end up in the envelope? How could anyone even know that she carried it?"

Mr. Knowles was silent. He still yielded to his constitutional disrelish to commit himself. At last he asked:

Mr. Knowles was quiet. He still struggled with his natural reluctance to make a commitment. Finally, he asked:

"What is it that your Grace proposes to do?"

"What do you propose to do, Your Grace?"

The Duke spoke with a bitterness which almost suggested a personal animosity towards the inoffensive Mr. Knowles.

The Duke spoke with a bitterness that almost hinted at a personal grudge against the harmless Mr. Knowles.

"I propose, with your permission, to release the Duchess from the custody of my estimable correspondent. I propose--always with your permission--to comply with his modest request, and to take him his five hundred pounds in gold." He paused, then continued in a tone which, coming from him, meant volumes: "Afterwards, I propose to cry quits with the concoctor of this pretty little hoax, even if it costs me every penny I possess. He shall pay more for that five hundred pounds than he supposes."

"I'd like to suggest, with your permission, to let the Duchess go from the care of my respected correspondent. I also propose—again, with your blessing—to fulfill his simple request and bring him his five hundred pounds in gold." He paused, then continued in a tone that, coming from him, said a lot: "After that, I intend to settle the score with the creator of this charming little trick, even if it means spending every last penny I have. He will owe more for that five hundred pounds than he realizes."



CHAPTER II.

SOUGHT.


The Duke of Datchet, coming out of the bank, lingered for a moment on the steps. In one hand he carried a canvas bag, which seemed well weighted. On his countenance there was an expression which to a casual observer might have suggested that his Grace was not completely at his ease. That casual observer happened to come strolling by. It took the form of Ivor Dacre.

The Duke of Datchet, stepping out of the bank, paused for a moment on the steps. In one hand, he held a canvas bag that looked heavy. His face had an expression that might lead a casual observer to think that he wasn't entirely comfortable. That casual observer happened to be Ivor Dacre, who was strolling by.

Mr. Dacre looked the Duke of Datchet up and down in that languid way he has. He perceived the canvas bag. Then he remarked, possibly intending to be facetious:

Mr. Dacre glanced at the Duke of Datchet from head to toe in that relaxed way he does. He noticed the canvas bag. Then he said, probably trying to be funny:

"Been robbing the bank? Shall I call a cart?"

"Have you been robbing the bank? Should I call a cab?"

Nobody minds what Ivor Dacre says. Besides, he is the Duke's own cousin. Perhaps a little removed; still, there it is. So the Duke smiled a sickly smile, as if Mr. Dacre's delicate wit had given him a passing touch of indigestion.

Nobody cares what Ivor Dacre says. Plus, he’s the Duke's cousin. Maybe a bit distant; still, it’s a fact. So the Duke forced a weak smile, as if Mr. Dacre's subtle humor had given him a slight case of indigestion.

Mr. Dacre noticed that the Duke looked sallow, so he gave his pretty sense of humour another airing:

Mr. Dacre noticed that the Duke looked pale, so he decided to bring out his charming sense of humor again:

"Kitchen boiler burst? When I saw the Duchess just now I wondered if it had."

"Did the kitchen boiler burst? When I saw the Duchess just now, I was curious if it had."

His Grace distinctly started. He almost dropped the canvas bag.

His Grace jumped in surprise. He nearly dropped the canvas bag.

"You saw the Duchess just now, Ivor! When?"

"You just saw the Duchess, Ivor! When?"

The Duke was evidently moved. Mr. Dacre was stirred to languid curiosity.

The Duke was clearly affected. Mr. Dacre was sparked to lazy curiosity.

"I can't say I clocked it. Perhaps half an hour ago; perhaps a little more."

"I can't say when it happened. Maybe half an hour ago; maybe a bit longer."

"Half an hour ago! Are you sure? Where did you see her?"

"Thirty minutes ago! Are you sure? Where did you see her?"

Mr. Dacre wondered. The Duchess of Datchet could scarcely have been eloping in broad daylight. Moreover, she had not yet been married a year. Every one knew that she and the Duke were still as fond of each other as if they were not man and wife. So, although the Duke, for some cause or other, was evidently in an odd state of agitation, Mr. Dacre saw no reason why he should not make a clean breast of all he knew.

Mr. Dacre was puzzled. The Duchess of Datchet could hardly be running away in broad daylight. Besides, she hadn't been married for even a year. Everyone knew that she and the Duke still liked each other as much as if they weren't married at all. So, even though the Duke seemed oddly agitated for some reason, Mr. Dacre saw no reason not to be completely honest about what he knew.

"She was going like blazes in a hansom cab."

"She was going really fast in a taxi."

"In a hansom cab? Where?"

"In a taxi? Where?"

"Down Waterloo Place."

"Head down Waterloo Place."

"Was she alone?"

"Was she by herself?"

Mr. Dacre reflected. He glanced at the Duke out of the corners of his eyes. His languid utterance became a positive drawl:

Mr. Dacre thought about it. He sneaked a glance at the Duke from the corners of his eyes. His relaxed way of speaking turned into a definite drawl:

"I rather fancy she wasn't."

"I don't think she was."

"Who was with her?"

"Who was with her?"

"My dear fellow, if you were to offer me the bank I couldn't tell you."

"My dear friend, even if you offered me the bank, I wouldn't be able to say."

"Was it a man?"

"Was it a guy?"

Mr. Dacre's drawl became still more pronounced:

Mr. Dacre's drawn-out speech became even more noticeable:

"I rather fancy that it was."

"I really think that it was."

Mr. Dacre expected something. The Duke was so excited. But he by no means expected what actually came:

Mr. Dacre was expecting something. The Duke was really excited. But he definitely didn’t expect what actually happened:

"Ivor, she's been kidnapped!"

"Ivor, she’s been abducted!"

Mr. Dacre did what he had never been known to do before within the memory of man--he dropped his eye-glass.

Mr. Dacre did something he had never been known to do before in anyone's memory—he dropped his eyeglass.

"Datchet!"

"Datchet!"

"She has! Some scoundrel has decoyed her away, and trapped her. He's already sent me a lock of her hair, and he tells me that if I don't let him have five hundred pounds in gold by half-past five he'll let me have her little finger."

"She has! Some jerk has lured her away and caught her. He's already sent me a lock of her hair, and he’s telling me that if I don't give him five hundred pounds in gold by half-past five, he’ll send me her little finger."

Mr. Dacre did not know what to make of his Grace at all. He was a sober man--it couldn't be that! Mr. Dacre felt really concerned.

Mr. Dacre had no idea what to think of his Grace. He was a serious man—it couldn't be that! Mr. Dacre was genuinely worried.

"I'll call a cab, old man, and you'd better let me see you home."

"I'll call a cab, old man, and you'd better let me take you home."

Mr. Dacre half raised his stick to hail a passing hansom. The Duke caught him by the arm.

Mr. Dacre half-raised his cane to signal a passing cab. The Duke grabbed him by the arm.

"You ass! What do you mean? I am telling you the simple truth. My wife's been kidnapped."

"You idiot! What are you talking about? I'm telling you the straightforward truth. My wife has been kidnapped."

Mr. Dacre's countenance was a thing to be seen--and remembered.

Mr. Dacre's expression was something to see—and remember.

"Oh! I hadn't heard that there was much of that sort of thing about just now. They talk of poodles being kidnapped, but as for duchesses---- You'd really better let me call that cab."

"Oh! I hadn’t heard that there was much of that kind of thing happening lately. They talk about poodles being kidnapped, but as for duchesses---- You’d really better let me call that cab."

"Ivor, do you want me to kick you? Don't you see that to me it's a question of life and death? I've been in there to get the money." His Grace motioned towards the bank. "I'm going to take it to the scoundrel who has my darling at his mercy. Let me but have her hand in mine again, and he shall continue to pay for every sovereign with tears of blood until he dies."

"Ivor, do you want me to kick you? Don't you see that this is a matter of life and death for me? I've been inside to get the money." His Grace pointed towards the bank. "I'm going to give it to the scoundrel who's got my darling at his mercy. Just let me hold her hand again, and he’ll keep paying for every pound with tears of blood until he dies."

"Look here, Datchet, I don't know if you're having a joke with me, or if you're not well----"

"Listen, Datchet, I can't tell if you're messing with me or if you're feeling unwell----"

The Duke stepped impatiently into the roadway.

The Duke stepped into the road, tapping his foot with impatience.

"Ivor, you're a fool! Can't you tell jest from earnest, health from disease? I'm off! Are you coming with me? It would be as well that I should have a witness."

"Ivor, you're an idiot! Can't you tell the difference between a joke and something serious, health and illness? I'm out of here! Are you coming with me? It would be good to have a witness."

"Where are you off to?"

"Where are you going?"

"To the other end of the Arcade."

"To the other end of the Arcade."

"Who is the gentleman you expect to have the pleasure of meeting there?"

"Who is the guy you think you'll have the pleasure of meeting there?"

"How should I know?" The Duke took a letter from his pocket--it was the letter which had just arrived. "The fellow is to wear a white top-hat, and a gardenia in his button hole."

"How should I know?" The Duke pulled out a letter from his pocket—it was the letter that had just arrived. "The guy is supposed to wear a white top hat and a gardenia in his buttonhole."

"What is it you have there?"

"What's that you've got?"

"It's the letter which brought the news--look for yourself and see; but, for God's sake make haste!" His Grace glanced at his watch. "It's already twenty after five."

"It's the letter that brought the news—take a look for yourself; but, for God's sake, hurry!" His Grace checked his watch. "It's already twenty past five."

"And do you mean to say that on the strength of a letter such as this you are going to hand over five hundred pounds to----"

"And are you really saying that based on a letter like this, you're going to give away five hundred pounds to----"

The Duke cut Mr. Dacre short:

The Duke cut off Mr. Dacre:

"What are five hundred pounds to me? Besides, you don't know all. There is another letter. And I have heard from Mabel. But I will tell you all about it later. If you are coming, come!"

"What does five hundred pounds mean to me? Besides, you don't know everything. There's another letter. And I've heard from Mabel. But I'll fill you in on that later. If you're coming, just come!"

Folding up the letter, Mr. Dacre returned it to the Duke.

Folding the letter, Mr. Dacre handed it back to the Duke.

"As you say, what are five hundred pounds to you? It's as well they are not as much to you as they are to me, or I'm afraid----"

"As you say, what are five hundred pounds to you? It’s good that they don't mean as much to you as they do to me, or I’m afraid----"

"Hang it, Ivor, do prose afterwards!"

"Come on, Ivor, let's deal with the prose later!"

The Duke hurried across the road. Mr. Dacre hastened after him. As they entered the Arcade they passed a constable. Mr. Dacre touched his companion's arm.

The Duke rushed across the street. Mr. Dacre quickly followed him. As they entered the Arcade, they walked by a police officer. Mr. Dacre tapped his companion's arm.

"Don't you think we'd better ask our friend in blue to walk behind us? His neighbourhood might be handy."

"Don't you think it would be better to ask our friend in blue to walk behind us? His neighborhood could be helpful."

"Nonsense!" The Duke stopped short. "Ivor, this is my affair, not yours. If you are not content to play the part of silent witness, be so good as to leave me."

"Nonsense!" The Duke halted suddenly. "Ivor, this is my business, not yours. If you can't be satisfied with being a silent observer, please leave me alone."

"My dear Datchet, I'm entirely at your service. I can be every whit as insane as you, I do assure you."

"My dear Datchet, I'm completely at your service. I can be just as crazy as you, I promise."

Side by side they moved rapidly down the Burlington Arcade. The Duke was obviously in a state of the extremest nervous tension. Mr. Dacre was equally obviously in a state of the most supreme enjoyment. People stared as they rushed past. The Duke saw nothing. Mr. Dacre saw everything, and smiled.

Side by side, they quickly made their way down the Burlington Arcade. The Duke was clearly extremely nervous. Mr. Dacre, on the other hand, was obviously having the time of his life. People stared as they rushed by. The Duke noticed nothing. Mr. Dacre noticed everything and smiled.

When they reached the Piccadilly end of the Arcade the Duke pulled up. He looked about him. Mr. Dacre also looked about him.

When they got to the Piccadilly end of the Arcade, the Duke stopped. He looked around. Mr. Dacre also looked around.

"I see nothing of your white-hatted and gardenia-button-holed friend," said Ivor.

"I don't see anything of your friend in the white hat and gardenia pin," said Ivor.

The Duke referred to his watch:

The Duke glanced at his watch:

"It's not yet half-past five. I'm up to time."

"It's not even 5:30 yet. I'm on schedule."

Mr. Dacre held his stick in front of him and leaned on it. He indulged himself with a beatific smile:

Mr. Dacre held his cane in front of him and leaned on it. He treated himself to a blissful smile:

"It strikes me, my dear Datchet, that you've been the victim of one of the finest things in hoaxes----"

"It strikes me, my dear Datchet, that you've been the target of one of the best hoaxes out there----"

"I hope I haven't kept you waiting."

"I hope I didn't keep you waiting."

The voice which interrupted Mr. Dacre came from the rear. While they were looking in front of them some one approached from behind, apparently coming out of the shop which was at their backs.

The voice that interrupted Mr. Dacre came from behind. While they were looking ahead, someone approached from the back, seemingly coming out of the shop that was behind them.

The speaker looked a gentleman. He sounded like one, too. Costume, appearance, manner were beyond reproach--even beyond the criticism of two such keen critics as were these. The glorious attire of a London dandy was surmounted with a beautiful white top-hat. In his button-hole was a magnificent gardenia.

The speaker looked like a gentleman. He also sounded like one. His outfit, appearance, and demeanor were beyond reproach—even beyond the judgment of two such sharp critics as these. The stunning attire of a London dandy was topped with a beautiful white top hat. In his lapel was a magnificent gardenia.

In age the stranger was scarcely more than a boy, and a sunny-faced, handsome boy at that. His cheeks were hairless, his eyes were blue. His smile was not only innocent, it was bland. Never was there a more conspicuous illustration of that repose which stamps the caste of Vere de Vere.

In age, the stranger was barely more than a boy, and a sunny-faced, good-looking one at that. His cheeks were smooth, and his eyes were blue. His smile was not just innocent; it was also plain. There had never been a clearer example of that calm demeanor that marks the class of Vere de Vere.

The Duke looked at him, and glowered. Mr. Dacre looked at him, and smiled.

The Duke glared at him. Mr. Dacre looked at him and smiled.

"Who are you?" asked the Duke.

"Who are you?" the Duke asked.

"Ah--that is the question!" The newcomer's refined and musical voice breathed the very soul of affability. "I am an individual who is so unfortunate as to be in want of five hundred pounds."

"Ah—that's the question!" The newcomer’s elegant and melodic voice radiated charm. "I’m someone who happens to be unfortunate enough to need five hundred pounds."

"Are you the scoundrel who sent me that infamous letter?"

"Are you the jerk who sent me that notorious letter?"

That charming stranger never turned a hair!

That charming stranger didn't even flinch!

"I am the scoundrel mentioned in that infamous letter who wants to accost you at the Piccadilly end of the Burlington Arcade before half-past five--as witness my white hat and my gardenia."

"I’m the jerk mentioned in that notorious letter who wants to meet you at the Piccadilly end of the Burlington Arcade before 5:30--just look for my white hat and my gardenia."

"Where's my wife?"

"Where is my wife?"

The stranger gently swung his stick in front of him with his two hands. He regarded the Duke as a merry-hearted son might regard his father. The thing was beautiful!

The stranger gently swung his stick in front of him with both hands. He looked at the Duke with the affection a cheerful son might have for his father. It was a beautiful sight!

"Her Grace will be home almost as soon as you are--when you have given me the money which I perceive you have all ready for me in that scarcely elegant-looking canvas bag." He shrugged his shoulders quite gracefully. "Unfortunately, in these matters one has no choice--one is forced to ask for gold."

"Her Grace will be home nearly as soon as you are—once you give me the money that I see you have ready for me in that somewhat unattractive canvas bag." He shrugged his shoulders quite gracefully. "Unfortunately, in these situations, there’s no choice—you have to ask for gold."

"And suppose, instead of giving you what is in this canvas bag, I take you by the throat and choke the life right out of you?"

"And what if, instead of giving you what’s in this canvas bag, I grab you by the throat and strangle the life out of you?"

"Or suppose," amended Mr. Dacre, "that you do better, and commend this gentleman to the tender mercies of the first policeman we encounter."

"Or suppose," Mr. Dacre suggested, "that you do better and hand this guy over to the first policeman we run into."

The stranger turned to Mr. Dacre. He condescended to become conscious of his presence.

The stranger turned to Mr. Dacre, making an effort to acknowledge him.

"Is this gentleman your Grace's friend? Ah--Mr. Dacre, I perceive! I have the honour of knowing Mr. Dacre, although, possibly, I am unknown to him."

"Is this guy your Grace's friend? Ah--Mr. Dacre, I see! I have the pleasure of knowing Mr. Dacre, although he might not know me."

"You were--until this moment."

"You were—until now."

With an airy little laugh the stranger returned to the Duke. He brushed an invisible speck of dust off the sleeve of his coat.

With a light laugh, the stranger turned back to the Duke. He brushed off an imaginary speck of dust from the sleeve of his coat.

"As has been intimated in that infamous letter, his Grace is at perfect liberty to give me into custody--why not? Only"--he said it with his boyish smile--"if a particular communication is not received from me in certain quarters within a certain time, the Duchess of Datchet's beautiful white arm will be hacked off at the shoulder."

"As mentioned in that infamous letter, his Grace is completely free to have me arrested—why not? Only"—he said it with his boyish grin—"if a specific message isn't received from me in certain places within a certain time, the Duchess of Datchet's lovely white arm will be chopped off at the shoulder."

"You hound!"

"You dog!"

The Duke would have taken the stranger by the throat, and have done his best to choke the life right out of him then and there, if Mr. Dacre had not intervened.

The Duke would have grabbed the stranger by the throat and tried his best to choke the life out of him right then and there, if Mr. Dacre hadn't stepped in.

"Steady, old man!" Mr. Dacre turned to the stranger: "You appear to be a pretty sort of a scoundrel."

"Easy there, old man!" Mr. Dacre said to the stranger, "You seem like quite the scoundrel."

The stranger gave his shoulders that almost imperceptible shrug:

The stranger gave an almost unnoticed shrug:

"Oh, my dear Dacre, I am in want of money! I believe that you sometimes are in want of money, too."

"Oh, my dear Dacre, I need money! I think you sometimes need money, too."

Everybody knows that nobody knows where Ivor Dacre gets his money from, so the illusion must have tickled him immensely.

Everybody knows that no one knows where Ivor Dacre gets his money from, so the mystery must have amused him a lot.

"You're a cool hand," he said.

"You're really cool," he said.

"Some men are born that way."

"Some men are just born that way."

"So I should imagine. Men like you must be born, not made."

"So I imagine. Men like you must be born that way, not made."

"Precisely--as you say!" The stranger turned, with his graceful smile, to the Duke: "But are we not wasting precious time? I can assure your Grace that, in this particular matter, moments are of value."

"Exactly—as you said!" The stranger turned, holding his charming smile, to the Duke: "But aren’t we wasting valuable time? I can assure you, Your Grace, that in this particular situation, every moment counts."

Mr. Dacre interposed before the Duke could answer:

Mr. Dacre interrupted before the Duke could respond:

"If you take my strongly urged advice, Datchet, you will summon this constable who is now coming down the Arcade, and hand over this gentleman to his keeping. I do not think that you need fear that the Duchess will lose her arm, or even her little finger. Scoundrels of this one's kidney are most amenable to reason when they have handcuffs on their wrists."

"If you take my very strong advice, Datchet, you should call over this constable coming down the Arcade and hand this guy over to him. I don't think you need to worry that the Duchess will lose her arm or even her little finger. Crooks like this one tend to be pretty reasonable when they have handcuffs on."

The Duke plainly hesitated. He would--and he would not. The stranger, as he eyed him, seemed much amused.

The Duke clearly hesitated. He would—then he wouldn’t. The stranger, observing him, appeared quite entertained.

"My dear Duke, by all means act on Mr. Dacre's valuable suggestion. As I said before, why not? It would at least be interesting to see if the Duchess does or does not lose her arm--almost as interesting to you as to Mr. Dacre. Those blackmailing, kidnapping scoundrels do use such empty menaces. Besides, you would have the pleasure of seeing me locked up. My imprisonment for life would recompense you even for the loss of her Grace's arm. And five hundred pounds is such a sum to have to pay--merely for a wife! Why not, therefore, act on Mr. Dacre's suggestion? Here comes the constable." The constable referred to was advancing towards them--he was not a dozen yards away. "Let me beckon to him--I will with pleasure." He took out his watch--a gold chronograph repeater. "There are scarcely ten minutes left during which it will be possible for me to send the communication which I spoke of, so that it may arrive in time. As it will then be too late, and the instruments are already prepared for the little operation which her Grace is eagerly anticipating, it would, perhaps, be as well, after all, that you should give me into charge. You would have saved your five hundred pounds, and you would, at any rate, have something in exchange for her Grace's mutilated limb. Ah, here is the constable! Officer!"

"My dear Duke, please go ahead and follow Mr. Dacre's helpful suggestion. Like I said before, why not? It would at least be interesting to see if the Duchess will lose her arm or not—almost as interesting for you as it is for Mr. Dacre. Those blackmailing, kidnapping scoundrels often make empty threats. Besides, it would give you the satisfaction of seeing me locked up. My life sentence would make up for the loss of her Grace's arm. And five hundred pounds is quite a lot to pay—just for a wife! So, why not act on Mr. Dacre's suggestion? Here comes the constable." The constable mentioned was approaching them—he was no more than ten yards away. "Let me wave him over—I’ll gladly do it." He pulled out his watch—a gold chronograph repeater. "There are barely ten minutes left during which I can send the message I spoke about, so it arrives on time. After that, it will be too late, and the instruments are already set up for the little procedure that her Grace is looking forward to. It might be better if you handed me over after all. You would save your five hundred pounds, and at least you’d have something in return for her Grace's injured limb. Ah, here’s the constable! Officer!"

The stranger spoke with such a pleasant little air of easy geniality that it was impossible to tell if he were in jest or earnest. This fact impressed the Duke much more than if he had gone in for a liberal indulgence of the--under the circumstances--orthodox melodramatic scowling. And, indeed, in the face of his own common sense, it impressed Mr. Ivor Dacre too.

The stranger spoke with such a friendly and easygoing vibe that it was hard to tell if he was joking or serious. This impressed the Duke far more than if he had put on a typical melodramatic scowl, given the situation. And, in fact, despite his own good judgment, it impressed Mr. Ivor Dacre as well.

This well-bred, well-groomed youth was just the being to realise--aux bouts des ongles--a modern type of the devil, the type which depicts him as a perfect gentleman, who keeps smiling all the time.

This well-bred, well-groomed young man was exactly the kind to embody--aux bouts des ongles--a modern version of the devil, the kind that shows him as a perfect gentleman who is always smiling.

The constable whom this audacious rogue had signalled approached the little group. He addressed the stranger:

The constable that this bold troublemaker had signaled walked over to the small group. He spoke to the stranger:

"Do you want me, sir?"

"Do you want me, sir?"

"No, I do not want you. I think it is the Duke of Datchet."

"No, I don't want you. I think it's the Duke of Datchet."

The constable, who knew the Duke very well by sight, saluted him as he turned to receive instructions.

The constable, who recognized the Duke very well, greeted him as he turned to get instructions.

The Duke looked white, even savage. There was not a pleasant look in his eyes and about his lips. He appeared to be endeavouring to put a great restraint upon himself. There was a momentary silence. Mr. Dacre made a movement as if to interpose. The Duke caught him by the arm.

The Duke looked pale, almost savage. His eyes and lips had an unpleasant expression. He seemed to be trying hard to hold himself back. There was a brief silence. Mr. Dacre moved as if to step in. The Duke grabbed him by the arm.

He spoke: "No, constable, I do not want you. This person is mistaken."

He said, "No, officer, I don't need you. This person is confused."

The constable looked as if he could not quite make out how such a mistake could have arisen, hesitated, then, with another salute, he moved away.

The constable seemed puzzled about how such a mistake could happen, hesitated, then, with another salute, he walked away.

The stranger was still holding his watch in his hand.

The stranger was still holding his watch in his hand.

"Only eight minutes," he said.

"Just eight minutes," he said.

The Duke seemed to experience some difficulty in giving utterance to what he had to say.

The Duke seemed to have some trouble expressing what he wanted to say.

"If I give you this five hundred pounds, you--you----"

"If I give you this five hundred pounds, you--you----"

As the Duke paused, as if at a loss for language which was strong enough to convey his meaning, the stranger laughed.

As the Duke hesitated, seemingly unable to find the right words to express what he meant, the stranger laughed.

"Let us take the adjectives for granted. Besides, it is only boys who call each other names--men do things. If you give me the five hundred sovereigns, which you have in that bag, at once--in five minutes it will be too late--I will promise--I will not swear; if you do not credit my simple promise, you will not believe my solemn affirmation--I will promise that, possibly within an hour, certainly within an hour and a half, the Duchess of Datchet shall return to you absolutely uninjured--except, of course, as you are already aware, with regard to a few of the hairs of her head. I will promise this on the understanding that you do not yourself attempt to see where I go, and that you will allow no one else to do so." This with a glance at Ivor Dacre. "I shall know at once if I am followed. If you entertain any such intentions, you had better, on all accounts, remain in possession of your five hundred pounds."

"Let’s not get caught up in the details. Besides, it’s just boys who call each other names—men take action. If you hand me the five hundred pounds you have in that bag right now—in five minutes, it will be too late—I promise you—I'm not swearing; if you don’t trust my simple promise, you won’t believe my serious assurance—I promise that, likely within an hour, definitely within an hour and a half, the Duchess of Datchet will be returned to you completely unharmed—except, of course, as you already know, for a few of her hairs. I promise this on the condition that you don’t try to follow me and that you don’t let anyone else try either." He glanced at Ivor Dacre. "I’ll know immediately if I’m being followed. If you have any intention of doing so, you might as well keep your five hundred pounds."

The Duke eyed him very grimly:

The Duke looked at him very seriously:

"I entertain no such intentions--until the Duchess returns."

"I have no such plans—until the Duchess comes back."

Again the stranger indulged in that musical little laugh of his:

Again, the stranger let out that charming little laugh of his:

"Ah, until the Duchess returns! Of course, then the bargain's at an end. When you are once more in the enjoyment of her Grace's society, you will be at liberty to set all the dogs in Europe at my heels. I assure you I fully expect that you will do so--why not?" The Duke raised the canvas bag. "My dear Duke, ten thousand thanks! You shall see her Grace at Datchet House, 'pon my honour. Probably within the hour."

"Ah, until the Duchess gets back! Of course, then the deal is over. Once you're back enjoying her Grace's company, you’ll be free to set all the dogs in Europe on my tail. I truly expect you will do that—why wouldn’t you?" The Duke lifted the canvas bag. "My dear Duke, thank you so much! You’ll see her Grace at Datchet House, I swear. Probably within the hour."

"Well," commented Ivor Dacre, when the stranger had vanished, with the bag, into Piccadilly, and as the Duke and himself moved towards Burlington Gardens, "if a gentleman is to be robbed, it is as well that he should have another gentleman to rob him."

"Well," Ivor Dacre said after the stranger disappeared with the bag into Piccadilly, as he and the Duke walked toward Burlington Gardens, "if a guy is going to get robbed, it's better that he has another guy to do it."



CHAPTER III.

AND FOUND.


Mr. Dacre eyed his companion covertly as they progressed. His Grace of Datchet appeared to have some fresh cause for uneasiness. All at once he gave it utterance, in a tone of voice which was extremely sombre:

Mr. Dacre watched his companion quietly as they moved forward. The Duke of Datchet seemed to have a new reason to be anxious. Suddenly, he spoke up in a very serious tone:

"Ivor, do you think that scoundrel will dare to play me false?"

"Ivor, do you think that jerk will have the guts to betray me?"

"I think," murmured Mr. Dacre, "that he has dared to play you pretty false already."

"I think," murmured Mr. Dacre, "that he has already deceived you quite a bit."

"I don't mean that. But I mean how am I to know, now that he has his money, that he will still not keep Mabel in his clutches?"

"I don't mean that. But I mean how am I to know, now that he has his money, that he won’t still keep Mabel under his control?"

There came an echo from Mr. Dacre:

There was a response from Mr. Dacre:

"Just so--how are you to know?"

"How would you even know?"

"I believe that something of this sort has been done in the United States."

"I think something like this has been done in the United States."

"I thought that there they were content to kidnap them after they were dead. I was not aware that they had, as yet, got quite so far as the living."

"I thought they were only happy to kidnap people after they were dead. I didn't realize they had actually gone as far as taking the living."

"I believe that I have heard of something just like this."

"I think I've heard of something like this before."

"Possibly; they are giants over there."

"Maybe; they’re giants over there."

"And in that case the scoundrels, when their demands were met, refused to keep to the letter of their bargain, and asked for more."

"And in that case, the scoundrels, when their demands were met, refused to stick to the terms of their deal and asked for more."

The Duke stood still. He clenched his fists, and swore:

The Duke stood frozen. He tightened his fists and cursed:

"Ivor, if that ---- villain doesn't keep his word, and Mabel isn't home within the hour, by ---- I shall go mad!"

"Ivor, if that damn villain doesn't keep his word, and Mabel isn't home within the hour, I swear I’m going to lose it!"

"My dear Datchet"--Mr. Dacre loved strong language as little as he loved a scene--"let us trust to time and, a little, to your white-hatted and gardenia-button-holed friend's word of honour. You should have thought of possible eventualities before you showed your confidence--really. Suppose, instead of going mad, we first of all go home?"

"My dear Datchet," Mr. Dacre, who wasn’t a fan of strong language or dramatic scenes, said, "let’s put our faith in time and, somewhat, in your friend with the white hat and gardenia on his lapel to keep his word. You should have considered the possible outcomes before you put your trust in him—honestly. How about instead of losing our minds, we just go home first?"

A hansom stood waiting for a fare at the end of the Arcade. Mr. Dacre had handed the Duke into it before his Grace had quite realised that the vehicle was there.

A cab was waiting for a rider at the end of the Arcade. Mr. Dacre had helped the Duke into it before His Grace even realized the vehicle was there.

"Tell the fellow to drive faster." That was what the Duke said when the cab had started.

"Tell the guy to drive faster." That’s what the Duke said when the cab had started.

"My dear Datchet, the man's already driving his geegee off its legs. If a bobby catches sight of him he'll take his number."

"My dear Datchet, the guy is already pushing his horse to the limit. If a cop sees him, he'll get his license plate."

A moment later, a murmur from the Duke:

A moment later, the Duke whispered:

"I don't know if you're aware that the Prince is coming to dinner?"

"I don't know if you know that the Prince is coming to dinner?"

"I am perfectly aware of it."

"I totally get it."

"You take it uncommonly coolly. How easy it is to bear our brother's burdens! Ivor, if Mabel doesn't turn up I shall feel like murder."

"You’re taking it really calmly. It’s so easy to handle our brother’s problems! Ivor, if Mabel doesn’t show up, I’m going to feel like doing something drastic."

"I sympathise with you, Datchet, with all my heart, though, I may observe, parenthetically, that I very far from realise the situation even yet. Take my advice. If the Duchess does not show quite so soon as we both of us desire, don't make a scene; just let me see what I can do."

"I feel for you, Datchet, completely, though I should mention, in passing, that I still don't fully understand the situation. Take my advice. If the Duchess doesn't arrive as quickly as we both want, don't cause a scene; just let me see what I can do."

Judging from the expression of his countenance, the Duke was conscious of no overwhelming desire to witness an exhibition of Mr. Dacre's prowess.

Judging by his expression, the Duke had no strong urge to watch Mr. Dacre's show of skill.

When the cab reached Datchet House his Grace dashed up the steps three at a time. The door flew open.

When the cab arrived at Datchet House, his Grace rushed up the steps three at a time. The door swung open.

"Has the Duchess returned?"

"Is the Duchess back?"

"Hereward!"

"Hey, Hereward!"

A voice floated downwards from above. Some one came running down the stairs. It was her Grace of Datchet.

A voice came from above. Someone rushed down the stairs. It was her Grace of Datchet.

"Mabel!"

"Mabel!"

She actually rushed into the Duke's extended arms. And he kissed her, and she kissed him--before the servants.

She actually hurried into the Duke's open arms. He kissed her, and she kissed him—right in front of the servants.

"So you're not quite dead?" she cried.

"So you're not really dead?" she said, surprised.

"I am almost," he said.

"I'm almost there," he said.

She drew herself a little away from him.

She moved herself a little away from him.

"Hereward, were you seriously hurt?"

"Hereward, were you really hurt?"

"Do you suppose that I could have been otherwise than seriously hurt?"

"Do you really think I could have been anything other than seriously hurt?"

"My darling! Was it a Pickford's van?"

"My darling! Was it a Pickford's truck?"

The Duke stared:

The Duke glared:

"A Pickford's van? I don't understand. But come in here. Come along, Ivor. Mabel, you don't see Ivor."

"A Pickford's van? I don't get it. But come in here. Let's go, Ivor. Mabel, you can’t see Ivor."

"How do you do, Mr. Dacre?"

"How's it going, Mr. Dacre?"

Then the trio withdrew into a little ante-room; it was really time. Even then the pair conducted themselves as if Mr. Dacre had been nothing and no one. The Duke took the lady's two hands in his. He eyed her fondly.

Then the trio stepped into a small anteroom; it was definitely time. Even then, the couple acted as if Mr. Dacre didn’t exist. The Duke took the lady's hands in his. He looked at her affectionately.

"So you are uninjured, with the exception of that lock of hair. Where did the villain take it from?"

"So you're unhurt, except for that lock of hair. Where did the villain take it from?"

The lady looked a little puzzled:

The lady looked a bit confused:

"What lock of hair?"

"What strand of hair?"

From an envelope which he took from his pocket the Duke produced a shining tress. It was the lock of hair which had arrived in the first communication. "I will have it framed."

From an envelope he pulled from his pocket, the Duke revealed a shining lock of hair. It was the strand that had come in the first message. "I'm going to get it framed."

"You will have what framed?" The Duchess glanced at what the Duke was so tenderly caressing, almost, as it seemed, a little dubiously, "Whatever is it you have there?"

"You'll have what framed?" The Duchess looked at what the Duke was gently touching, almost with a hint of doubt. "What on earth do you have there?"

"It is the lock of hair which that scoundrel sent me." Something in the lady's face caused him to ask a question: "Didn't he tell you he had sent it me?"

"It’s the lock of hair that jerk sent me." Something in the lady's expression made him ask: "Didn’t he tell you he sent it to me?"

"Hereward!"

"Hereward!"

"Did the brute tell you that he meant to cut off your little finger?"

"Did that guy tell you he was planning to cut off your pinky?"

A very curious look came into the lady's face. She glanced at the Duke as if she, all at once, were half afraid of him. She cast at Mr. Dacre what really seemed to be a look of enquiry. Her voice was tremulously anxious:

A very curious expression appeared on the lady's face. She looked at the Duke as if she was suddenly a little afraid of him. She gave Mr. Dacre a look that clearly seemed to be a question. Her voice was nervously anxious:

"Hereward, did--did the accident affect you mentally?"

"Hereward, did the accident have any impact on your mental state?"

"How could it not have affected me mentally? Do you think that my mental organization is of steel?"

"How could it not have affected me mentally? Do you think my mind is made of steel?"

"But you look so well?"

"But you look great?"

"Of course I look well, now that I have you back again. Tell me, darling, did that hound actually threaten you with cutting off your arm? If he did, I shall feel half inclined to kill him yet."

"Of course I look great now that you're back. Tell me, sweetheart, did that jerk really threaten to cut off your arm? If he did, I'm seriously thinking about taking him out."

The Duchess seemed positively to shrink from her better-half's near neighbourhood:

The Duchess seemed to actively avoid being close to her partner:

"Hereward, was it a Pickford's van?"

"Hereward, was it a moving van from Pickford's?"

The Duke seemed puzzled. Well he might be:

The Duke looked confused. It's easy to see why:

"Was what a Pickford's van?"

"Was that a Pickford's van?"

The lady turned to Mr. Dacre. In her voice there was a ring of anguish:

The lady looked at Mr. Dacre. There was a tone of deep pain in her voice:

"Mr. Dacre, tell me, was it a Pickford's van?"

"Mr. Dacre, can you tell me, was it a Pickford's van?"

Ivor could only imitate his relative's repetition of her inquiry:

Ivor could only mimic his relative's repeated question:

"I don't quite catch you--was what a Pickford's van?"

"I don’t quite understand you—was that a Pickford's van?"

The Duchess clasped her hands in front of her: "What is it you are keeping from me? What is it you are trying to hide? I implore you to tell me the worst, whatever it may be! Do not keep me any longer in suspense; you do not know what I already have endured. Mr. Dacre, is my husband mad?"

The Duchess clasped her hands in front of her: "What are you hiding from me? What are you trying to conceal? I beg you to tell me the worst, no matter what it is! Don’t keep me in suspense any longer; you have no idea what I’ve already gone through. Mr. Dacre, is my husband crazy?"

One need scarcely observe that the lady's amazing appeal to Mr. Dacre as to her husband's sanity was received with something like surprise. As the Duke continued to stare at her, a dreadful fear began to loom upon his brain:

One hardly needs to notice that the lady's incredible plea to Mr. Dacre about her husband's sanity was met with something like surprise. As the Duke kept staring at her, a terrible fear started to creep into his mind:

"My darling, your brain is unhinged!"

"My love, your mind is all over the place!"

He advanced to take her two hands again in his; but, to his unmistakable distress, she shrank away from him:

He stepped forward to take her hands in his again; but, to his clear distress, she pulled back from him:

"Hereward--don't touch me. How is it that I missed you? Why did you not wait until I came?"

"Hereward—don’t touch me. How did I not see you? Why didn’t you wait for me?"

"Wait until you came?"

"Wait until you arrive?"

The Duke's bewilderment increased.

The Duke's confusion grew.

"Surely, if your injuries turned out, after all, to be slight, that was all the more reason why you should have waited, after sending for me like that."

"Surely, if your injuries ended up being minor, that was even more reason for you to have waited after calling for me like that."

"I sent for you--I?" The Duke's tone was grave. "My darling, perhaps you had better come upstairs."

"I called for you--I?" The Duke's tone was serious. "My dear, maybe you should come upstairs."

"Not until we have had an explanation. You must have known that I should come. Why did you not wait for me after you had sent me that?"

"Not until we get an explanation. You must have known I would come. Why didn’t you wait for me after sending that?"

The Duchess held out something to the Duke. He took it. It was a card--his own visiting-card. Something was written on the back of it. He read aloud what was written:

The Duchess handed something to the Duke. He took it. It was a card—his own visiting card. There was something written on the back of it. He read aloud what was written:

"'Mabel, come to me at once with bearer. They tell me that they cannot take me home.' It looks like my own writing."

"'Mabel, come here right away with the messenger. They say they can't take me home.' It feels like my own writing."

"Looks like it! It is your writing."

"Looks like it! It's your writing."

"It looks like it--and written with a shaky pen."

"It looks like it—and it's written with a shaky pen."

"My dear child, one's hand would shake at such a moment as that."

"My dear child, your hand would tremble in a moment like that."

"Mabel, where did you get this?"

"Mabel, where did you get this?"

"It was brought to me in Cane and Wilson's."

"It was delivered to me in Cane and Wilson's."

"Who brought it?"

"Who brought this?"

"Who brought it? Why, the man you sent."

"Who brought it? Well, it was the guy you sent."

"The man I sent?" A light burst upon the Duke's brain. He fell back a pace. "It's the decoy!"

"The man I sent?" A realization hit the Duke. He stepped back. "It's the decoy!"

Her Grace echoed the words:

Her Grace repeated the words:

"The decoy?"

"The decoy?"

"The scoundrel! To set a trap with such a bait! My poor, innocent darling, did you think it came from me? Tell me, Mabel, where did he cut off your hair?"

"The jerk! To set a trap with such temptation! My poor, innocent darling, did you think it was from me? Tell me, Mabel, where did he cut your hair?"

"Cut off my hair?"

"Cut my hair?"

Her Grace put her hand up to her head as if to make sure that her hair was there.

Her Grace raised her hand to her head, almost as if checking for her hair.

"Where did he take you to?"

"Where did he take you?"

"He took me to Draper's Buildings."

"He took me to Draper's Buildings."

"Draper's Buildings?"

"Draper's Buildings?"

"I have never been in the City before, but he told me it was Draper's Buildings. Isn't that near the Stock Exchange?"

"I've never been in the City before, but he told me it was Draper's Buildings. Isn't that close to the Stock Exchange?"

"Near the Stock Exchange?"

"Close to the Stock Exchange?"

It seemed rather a curious place to which to take a kidnapped victim. The man's audacity!

It seemed like a strange place to take a kidnapped victim. The man's boldness!

"He told me that you were coming out of the Stock Exchange when a van knocked you over. He said that he thought it was a Pickford's van--was it a Pickford's van?"

"He told me that you were leaving the Stock Exchange when a van hit you. He said he thought it was a Pickford's van—was it a Pickford's van?"

"No, it was not a Pickford's van. Mabel, were you in Draper's Buildings when you wrote that letter?"

"No, it wasn't a Pickford's van. Mabel, were you at Draper's Buildings when you wrote that letter?"

"Wrote what letter?"

"Wrote which letter?"

"Have you forgotten it already? I do not believe that there is a word in it which will not be branded on my brain until I die."

"Have you already forgotten it? I don't believe there's a single word in it that won't be etched in my mind until I die."

"Hereward! What do you mean?"

"Hereward! What do you mean?"

"Surely you cannot have written me such a letter as that, and then have forgotten it already?"

"There's no way you actually wrote me a letter like that and then forgot about it so quickly, right?"

He handed her the letter which had arrived in the second communication. She glanced at it, askance. Then she took it with a little gasp.

He handed her the letter that had come in the second message. She looked at it sideways. Then she took it with a small gasp.

"Hereward, if you don't mind, I think I'll take a chair." She took a chair. "Whatever--whatever's this?" As she read the letter the varying expressions which passed across her face were, in themselves, a study in psychology. "Is it possible that you can imagine that, under any conceivable circumstances, I could have written such a letter as this?"

"Hereward, if you don’t mind, I think I’ll take a seat." She sat down. "What on earth is this?" As she read the letter, the different expressions that crossed her face were a lesson in psychology. "Do you really think I could have written a letter like this under any circumstances?"

"Mabel!"

"Mabel!"

She rose to her feet, with emphasis:

She stood up, making it clear:

"Hereward, don't say that you thought this came from me!"

"Hereward, don’t tell me you thought this was from me!"

"Not come from you?" He remembered Knowles's diplomatic reception of the epistle on its first appearance. "I suppose that you will say next that this is not a lock of your hair?"

"Not from you?" He recalled Knowles's diplomatic response to the letter when it first came out. "I guess you’ll say next that this isn’t a lock of your hair?"

"My dear child, what bee have you got in your bonnet? This a lock of my hair! Why, it's not in the least like my hair!"

"My dear child, what's gotten into you? This is a piece of my hair! I mean, it doesn't even look like my hair!"

Which was certainly inaccurate. As far as color was concerned it was an almost perfect match. The Duke turned to Mr. Dacre.

Which was definitely incorrect. In terms of color, it was nearly a perfect match. The Duke turned to Mr. Dacre.

"Ivor, I've had to go through a good deal this afternoon. If I have to go through much more, something will crack!" He touched his forehead. "I think it's my turn to take a chair." He also took a chair. Not the one which the Duchess had vacated, but one which faced it. He stretched out his legs in front of him; he thrust his hands into his trousers-pockets; he said, in a tone which was not only gloomy but absolutely gruesome:

"Ivor, I've had a lot to deal with this afternoon. If I have to handle much more, something's going to break!" He touched his forehead. "I think it's my turn to sit down." He also took a chair. Not the one the Duchess had gotten up from, but one facing it. He stretched his legs out in front of him, shoved his hands into his pockets, and said in a tone that was not just gloomy but totally grim:

"Might I ask, Mabel, if you have been kidnapped?"

"Mabel, can I ask if you’ve been kidnapped?"

"Kidnapped?"

"Abducted?"

"The word I used was 'kidnapped.' But I will spell it if you like. Or I will get a dictionary, that you may see its meaning."

"The word I used was 'kidnapped.' But I can spell it for you if you want. Or I can grab a dictionary so you can see its meaning."

The Duchess looked as if she was beginning to be not quite sure if she was awake or sleeping. She turned to Ivor:

The Duchess looked like she was starting to doubt whether she was awake or still dreaming. She turned to Ivor:

"Mr. Dacre, has the accident affected Hereward's brain?"

"Mr. Dacre, has the accident impacted Hereward's brain?"

The Duke took the words out of his cousin's mouth:

The Duke spoke the words his cousin was about to say:

"On that point, my dear, let me ease your mind. I don't know if you are under the impression that I should be the same shape after a Pickford's van had run over me as I was before; but, in any case, I have not been run over by a Pickford's van. So far as I am concerned there has been no accident. Dismiss that delusion from your mind."

"On that note, my dear, let me put your mind at ease. I’m not sure if you think I should still look the same after being run over by a Pickford's van as I did before; but, either way, I haven’t been hit by a Pickford's van. As far as I’m concerned, there has been no accident. Forget that idea."

"Oh!"

"Oh!"

"You appear surprised. One might even think that you were sorry. But may I now ask what you did when you arrived at Draper's Buildings?"

"You look surprised. One might even think you feel regret. But can I ask what you did when you got to Draper's Buildings?"

"Did! I looked for you!"

"Did! I was looking for you!"

"Indeed! And when you had looked in vain, what was the next item in your programme?"

"Exactly! And after you had searched without success, what was the next thing on your agenda?"

The lady shrank still further from him:

The woman backed away even more from him:

"Hereward, have you been having a jest at my expense? Can you have been so cruel?" Tears stood in her eyes.

"Hereward, have you been making fun of me? Could you really be that mean?" Tears filled her eyes.

Rising, the Duke laid his hand upon her arm:

Rising, the Duke placed his hand on her arm:

"Mabel, tell me--what did you do when you had looked for me in vain?"

"Mabel, tell me—what did you do when you searched for me without success?"

"I looked for you upstairs and downstairs, and everywhere. It was quite a large place, it took me ever such a time. I thought that I should go distracted. Nobody seemed to know anything about you, or even that there had been an accident at all--it was all offices. I couldn't make it out in the least, and the people didn't seem to be able to make me out either. So when I couldn't find you anywhere I came straight home again."

"I searched for you upstairs and downstairs, and everywhere in between. It was a pretty big place, and it took me a long time. I thought I was going to lose my mind. No one seemed to know anything about you, or even that there had been an accident at all—it was just all offices. I couldn't figure it out at all, and the people didn't seem to understand me either. So when I couldn't find you anywhere, I just came straight home."

The Duke was silent for a moment. Then, with funereal gravity, he turned to Mr. Dacre. He put to him this question:

The Duke was quiet for a moment. Then, with a serious tone, he turned to Mr. Dacre. He asked him this question:

"Ivor, what are you laughing at?"

"Ivor, what are you laughing at?"

Mr. Dacre drew his hand across his mouth with rather a suspicious gesture:

Mr. Dacre rubbed his mouth with a somewhat suspicious gesture:

"My dear fellow, only a smile!"

"My dear friend, just a smile!"

The Duchess looked from one to the other:

The Duchess looked from one to the other:

"What have you two been doing? What is the joke?"

"What have you two been up to? What's the joke?"

With an air of preternatural solemnity the Duke took two letters from the breast-pocket of his coat.

With an aura of unnatural seriousness, the Duke pulled two letters from the chest pocket of his coat.

"Mabel, you have already seen your letter. You have already seen the lock of your hair. Just look at this--and that."

"Mabel, you’ve already seen your letter. You’ve already seen the lock of your hair. Just look at this—and that."

He gave her the two very singular communications which had arrived in such a mysterious manner, and so quickly one after the other. She read them with wide-open eyes.

He handed her the two very unusual messages that had arrived in such a mysterious way, and so quickly one after the other. She read them with her eyes wide open.

"Hereward! Wherever did these come from?"

"Hereward! Where did these come from?"

The Duke was standing with his legs apart, and his hands in his trousers-pockets. "I would give--I would give another five hundred pounds to know. Shall I tell you, madam, what I have been doing? I have been presenting five hundred golden sovereigns to a perfect stranger, with a top-hat, and a gardenia in his button-hole."

The Duke was standing with his legs apart and his hands in his pockets. "I’d pay—I'd pay another five hundred pounds to know. Should I tell you, madam, what I've been doing? I've been giving five hundred gold sovereigns to a complete stranger, wearing a top hat and a gardenia in his lapel."

"Whatever for?"

"What's the point?"

"If you have perused those documents which you have in your hand, you will have some faint idea. Ivor, when its your funeral I'll smile. Mabel, Duchess of Dachet, it is beginning to dawn upon the vacuum which represents my brain that I've been the victim of one of the prettiest things in practical jokes that ever yet was planned. When that fellow brought you that card at Cane and Wilson's--which, I need scarcely tell you, never came from me--some one walked out of the front entrance who was so exactly like you that both Barnes and Moysey took her for you. Moysey showed her into the carriage, and Barnes drove her home. But when the carriage reached home it was empty. Your double had got out upon the road."

"If you've looked through those documents you have, you might have a vague idea. Ivor, when it’s your funeral, I’ll smile. Mabel, Duchess of Dachet, it’s starting to click in my head that I’ve fallen for one of the cleverest practical jokes ever designed. When that guy brought you that card at Cane and Wilson's—which, I hardly need to mention, didn’t come from me—someone walked out of the front entrance who looked exactly like you, so both Barnes and Moysey thought she was you. Moysey let her into the carriage, and Barnes drove her home. But when they got there, the carriage was empty. Your lookalike had gotten out on the way."

The Duchess uttered a sound which was half a gasp, half sigh:

The Duchess made a noise that was part gasp, part sigh:

"Hereward!"

"Hereward!"

"Barnes and Moysey, with beautiful and childlike innocence, when they found that they had brought the thing home empty, came straightway and told me that you had jumped out of the brougham while it had been driving full pelt through the streets. While I was digesting that piece of information there came the first epistle, with the lock of your hair. Before I had time to digest that there came the second epistle, with yours inside, and, as a guarantee of the authenticity of your appeal, the same envelope held this."

"Barnes and Moysey, with their lovely and innocent naivety, came right to me to say that they found the thing empty when they got it home. They informed me that you had jumped out of the brougham while it was speeding through the streets. While I was processing that information, the first letter arrived, along with a lock of your hair. Before I could fully take that in, the second letter arrived, containing you inside, and to confirm the authenticity of your message, the same envelope held this."

The Duke handed the Duchess the half of the broken sixpence. She stared at it with the most unequivocal astonishment.

The Duke gave the Duchess half of the broken sixpence. She looked at it in complete disbelief.

"Why, it looks just like my sixpence." She put her hand to her breast, feeling something that was there. "But it isn't! What wickedness!"

"Why, it looks just like my sixpence." She placed her hand on her chest, feeling something that was there. "But it isn't! How wicked!"

"It is wickedness, isn't it? Anyhow, that seemed good enough for me; so I posted off the five hundred pounds to save your arm--not to dwell upon your little finger."

"It’s pretty cruel, isn’t it? Anyway, that seemed good enough for me; so I sent off the five hundred pounds to save your arm—not to mention your little finger."

"It seems incredible!"

"That's amazing!"

"Its sounds incredible; but unfathomable is the folly of man, especially of a man who loves his wife." The Duke crossed to Mr. Dacre. "I don't want, Ivor, to suggest anything in the way of bribery and corruption, but if you could keep this matter to yourself, and not mention it to your friends, our white-hatted and gardenia-button-holed acquaintance is welcome to his five hundred pounds, and----Mabel, what on earth are you laughing at?"

"Its sounds incredible; but the foolishness of man is beyond understanding, especially a man who loves his wife." The Duke walked over to Mr. Dacre. "I don’t want to imply anything about bribery and corruption, but if you could keep this under wraps and not discuss it with your friends, our well-meaning acquaintance can keep his five hundred pounds, and----Mabel, what in the world are you laughing at?"

The Duchess appeared, all at once, to be seized with inextinguishable laughter.

The Duchess suddenly burst into uncontrollable laughter.

"Hereward," she cried, "just think how that man must be laughing at you!"

"Hereward," she exclaimed, "just imagine how hard that guy must be laughing at you!"

And the Duke of Datchet thought of it.

And the Duke of Datchet considered it.





THE STRANGE OCCURRENCES IN
CANTERSTONE JAIL.


CHAPTER I.

MR. MANKELL DECLARES HIS INTENTION OF
ACTING ON MAGISTERIAL ADVICE.


Oliver Mankell was sentenced to three months' hard labour. The charge was that he had obtained money by means of false pretences. Not large sums, but shillings, half-crowns, and so on. He had given out that he was a wizard, and that he was able and willing--for a consideration--to predict the events of the future--tell fortunes, in fact. The case created a large amount of local interest, for some curious stories were told about the man in the town. Mankell was a tall, slight, wiry-looking fellow in the prime of life, with coal-black hair and olive complexion--apparently of Romany extraction. His bearing was self-possessed, courteous even, yet with something in his air which might have led one to suppose that he saw--what others did not--the humour of the thing. At one point his grave, almost saturnine visage distinctly relaxed into a smile. It was when Colonel Gregory, the chairman of the day, was passing sentence. After committing him for three months' hard labour, the Colonel added--

Oliver Mankell was sentenced to three months of hard labor. The charge was that he had obtained money through false pretenses. Not large amounts, just shillings, half-crowns, and so on. He had claimed to be a wizard, able and willing—to collect a fee—to predict future events and tell fortunes. The case generated a lot of local interest, as some intriguing stories were told about him in town. Mankell was a tall, slim, wiry guy in the prime of his life, with coal-black hair and an olive complexion—seemingly of Romany descent. He carried himself confidently, even courteously, but there was something in his demeanor that suggested he understood—what others did not—the humor of the situation. At one moment, his serious, almost gloomy face broke into a smile. It happened when Colonel Gregory, the chair of the day, was delivering the sentence. After sentencing him to three months of hard labor, the Colonel added—

"During your sojourn within the walls of a prison you will have an opportunity of retrieving your reputation. You say you are a magician. During your stay in jail I would strongly advise you to prove it. You lay claim to magic powers. Exercise them. I need scarcely point out to you how excellent a chance you will have of creating a sensation."

"While you're staying in prison, you'll have a chance to restore your reputation. You say you're a magician. While you're in jail, I highly recommend that you prove it. You claim to have magical powers. Show them off. I hardly need to tell you what a great opportunity you'll have to make an impression."

The people laughed. When the great Panjandrum is even dimly suspected of an intention to be funny, the people always do. But on this occasion even the prisoner smiled--rather an exceptional thing, for as a rule it is the prisoner who sees the joke the least of all.

The people laughed. Whenever the great Panjandrum is even slightly suspected of wanting to be funny, they always do. But this time, even the prisoner smiled—quite unusual, since usually it's the prisoner who understands the joke the least.

Later in the day the prisoner was conveyed to the county jail. This necessitated a journey by rail, with a change upon the way. At the station where they changed there was a delay of twenty minutes. This the prisoner and the constable in charge of him improved by adjourning to a public house hard by. Here they had a glass--indeed they had two--and when they reached Canterstone, the town on whose outskirts stood the jail, they had one--or perhaps it was two--more. It must have been two, for when they reached the jail, instead of the constable conveying the prisoner, it was the prisoner who conveyed the constable--upon his shoulder. The warder who answered the knock seemed surprised at what he saw.

Later in the day, the prisoner was taken to the county jail. This required a train trip, with a transfer along the way. At the station where they changed trains, there was a twenty-minute delay. The prisoner and the constable in charge decided to take advantage of this time by going to a nearby pub. They had a drink—actually, they had two—and when they arrived in Canterstone, the town near the jail, they had one—maybe even two—more. It definitely must have been two because when they got to the jail, instead of the constable escorting the prisoner, it was the prisoner who carried the constable—on his shoulder. The guard who answered the knock looked surprised at what he saw.

"What do you want?"

"What do you want?"

"Three months' hard labour."

"Three months of hard labor."

The warder stared. The shades of night had fallen, and the lamp above the prison-door did not seem to cast sufficient light upon the subject to satisfy the janitor.

The guard stared. Night had fallen, and the lamp above the prison door didn’t seem to provide enough light on the situation to satisfy the janitor.

"Come inside," he said.

"Come in," he said.

Mankell entered, the constable upon his shoulder. Having entered, he carefully placed the constable in a sitting posture on the stones, with his back against the wall. The policeman's helmet had tipped over his eyes--he scarcely presented an imposing picture of the majesty and might of the law. The warder shook him by the shoulder. "Here, come--wake up. You're a pretty sort," he said. The constable's reply, although slightly inarticulate, was yet sufficiently distinct.

Mankell walked in, the constable on his shoulder. Once inside, he gently set the constable down on the ground, propping him against the wall. The policeman's helmet had fallen over his eyes—he didn't exactly give off an impressive image of the law's authority. The guard shook him by the shoulder. "Hey, wake up. You’re quite the sight," he said. The constable's response, though a bit slurred, was still clear enough.

"Not another drop!" he murmured.

"Not another drop!" he whispered.

"No, I shouldn't think so," said the warder. "You've had a pailful, it seems to me, already."

"No, I don't think so," said the guard. "You've had enough, it seems to me, already."

The man seemed a little puzzled. He turned and looked at Mankell.

The man looked a bit confused. He turned and glanced at Mankell.

"What do you want here?"

"What do you need here?"

"Three months' hard labour."

"Three months of hard labor."

The man looked down and saw that the new-comer had gyves upon his wrists. He went to a door at one side, and summoned another warder. The two returned together. This second official took in the situation at a glance.

The man looked down and saw that the newcomer had shackles on his wrists. He went to a door on one side and called for another guard. The two returned together. This second official assessed the situation quickly.

"Have you come from----?" naming the town from which they in fact had come. Mankell inclined his head. This second official turned his attention to the prostrate constable. "Look in his pockets."

"Have you come from----?" naming the town they actually came from. Mankell nodded. This second official focused on the fallen constable. "Check his pockets."

The janitor acted on the suggestion. The order for committal was produced.

The janitor took action based on the suggestion. The commitment order was presented.

"Are you Oliver Mankell?"

"Are you Oliver Mankell?"

Again Mankell inclined his head. With the order in his hand, the official marched him through the side-door by which he had himself appeared. Soon Oliver Mankell was the inmate of a cell. He spent that night in the reception-cells at the gate. In the morning he had a bath, was inducted into prison clothing, and examined by the doctor. He was then taken up to the main building of the prison, and introduced to the governor. The governor was a quiet, gentlemanly man, with a straggling black beard and spectacles--the official to the tips of his fingers. As Mankell happened to be the only fresh arrival, the governor favoured him with a little speech.

Again, Mankell nodded his head. With the order in his hand, the official led him through the side door where he had entered. Soon, Oliver Mankell found himself in a cell. He spent that night in the reception cells at the gate. In the morning, he had a bath, was given prison clothing, and examined by the doctor. He was then taken to the main building of the prison and introduced to the governor. The governor was a calm, gentlemanly man with a scruffy black beard and glasses—official to the core. Since Mankell was the only new arrival, the governor gave him a little speech.

"You've placed yourself in an uncomfortable position, Mankell. I hope you'll obey the rules while you're here."

"You've put yourself in a tough spot, Mankell. I hope you follow the rules while you’re here."

"I intend to act upon the advice tendered me by the magistrate who passed sentence."

"I plan to follow the advice given to me by the judge who handed down the sentence."

The governor looked up. Not only was the voice a musical voice, but the words were not the sort of words generally chosen by the average prisoner.

The governor looked up. Not only was the voice melodic, but the words were not the kind typically chosen by the average prisoner.

"What advice was that?"

"What was that advice?"

"He said that I claimed to be a magician. He strongly advised me to prove it during my stay in jail. I intend to act upon the advice he tendered."

"He said that I claimed to be a magician. He strongly advised me to prove it while I’m in jail. I plan to follow the advice he gave."

The governor looked Mankell steadily in the face. The speaker's bearing conveyed no suggestion of insolent intention. The governor looked down again.

The governor looked Mankell straight in the eye. The speaker's demeanor revealed no hint of disrespect. The governor glanced down again.

"I advise you to be careful what you do. You may make your position more uncomfortable than it is already. Take the man away."

"I advise you to watch your actions. You might make your situation even more uncomfortable than it already is. Remove the man."

They took the man away. They introduced him to the wheel. On the treadmill he passed the remainder of the morning. At noon morning tasks were over, and the prisoners were marched into their day-cells to enjoy the meal which, in prison parlance, was called dinner. In accordance with the ordinary routine, the chaplain made his appearance in the round-house to interview those prisoners who had just come in, and those whose sentences would be completed on the morrow. When Mankell had been asked at the gate what his religion was, he had made no answer; so the warder, quite used to ignorance on the part of new arrivals as to all religions, had entered him as a member of the Church of England. As a member of the Church of England he was taken out to interview the chaplain.

They took the man away. They introduced him to the wheel. On the treadmill, he spent the rest of the morning. At noon, morning tasks were done, and the prisoners were marched into their day-cells to have the meal that was referred to as dinner in prison lingo. Following the usual routine, the chaplain came to the round-house to speak with the prisoners who had just arrived and those whose sentences would end the next day. When Mankell was asked at the gate what his religion was, he didn’t respond; so the guard, used to new arrivals being unaware of all religions, registered him as a member of the Church of England. As a member of the Church of England, he was taken out to talk to the chaplain.

The chaplain was a little fussy gentleman, considerably past middle age. Long experience of prisons and prisoners had bred in him a perhaps unconscious habit of regarding criminals as naughty boys--urchins who required a judicious combination of cakes and castigation.

The chaplain was a rather fussy little man, well into middle age. His long experience with prisons and inmates had somehow created an unconscious habit of seeing criminals as mischievous boys—rascals who needed just the right mix of treats and discipline.

"Well, my lad, I'm sorry to see a man of your appearance here." This was a remark the chaplain made to a good many of his new friends. It was intended to give them the impression that at least the chaplain perceived that they were something out of the ordinary run. Then he dropped his voice to a judicious whisper. "What's it for?"

"Well, kid, it's a shame to see someone like you here." This was something the chaplain said to many of his new friends. It was meant to suggest that at least the chaplain noticed they were a bit different from the usual crowd. Then he lowered his voice to a careful whisper. "What's it for?"

"For telling the truth."

"To speak the truth."

This reply seemed a little to surprise the chaplain. He settled his spectacles upon his nose.

This response seemed to surprise the chaplain a bit. He adjusted his glasses on his nose.

"For telling the truth!" An idea seemed all at once to strike the chaplain. "Do you mean that you pleaded guilty?" The man was silent. The chaplain referred to a paper he held in his hand. "Eh, I see that here it is written 'false pretences.' Was it a stumer?"

"For telling the truth!" An idea suddenly occurred to the chaplain. "Do you mean you admitted guilt?" The man remained quiet. The chaplain looked at a paper he was holding. "Oh, I see here it says 'false pretenses.' Was it a scam?"

We have seen it mentioned somewhere that "stumer" is slang for a worthless cheque. It was a way with the chaplain to let his charges see that he was at least acquainted with their phraseology. But on this occasion there was no response. The officer in charge of Mankell, who possibly wanted his dinner, put in his oar.

We’ve heard before that “stumer” is slang for a worthless check. It was the chaplain’s way of showing his students that he was familiar with their slang. But this time, there was no reaction. The officer overseeing Mankell, who might have just wanted his dinner, stepped in.

"Telling fortunes, sir."

"Reading fortunes, sir."

"Telling fortunes! Oh! Dear me! How sad! You see what telling fortunes brings you to? There will be no difficulty in telling your fortune if you don't take care. I will see you to-morrow morning after chapel."

"Telling fortunes! Oh! My goodness! How unfortunate! Do you see what telling fortunes leads to? It won't be hard to tell your fortune if you're not careful. I'll see you tomorrow morning after chapel."

The chaplain turned away. But his prediction proved to be as false as Mankell's were stated to have been. He did not see him the next morning after chapel, and that for the sufficient reason that on the following morning there was no chapel. And the reasons why there was no chapel were very curious indeed--unprecedented, in fact.

The chaplain turned away. But his prediction turned out to be as false as Mankell's were said to have been. He didn’t see him the next morning after chapel, and that was for the simple reason that there was no chapel the following morning. The reasons for the lack of chapel were quite unusual, in fact unprecedented.

Canterstone Jail was an old-fashioned prison. In it each prisoner had two cells, one for the day and one for the night. The day-cells were on the ground-floor, those for the night were overhead. At six a.m. a bell was rung, and the warders unlocked the night-cells for the occupants to go down to those beneath. That was the rule. That particular morning was an exception to the rule. The bell was rung as usual, and the warders started to unlock, but there the adherence to custom ceased, for the doors of the cells refused to be unlocked.

Canterstone Jail was an old-school prison. Each prisoner had two cells, one for daytime and one for nighttime. The day cells were on the ground floor, while the night cells were upstairs. At 6 a.m., a bell rang, and the guards unlocked the night cells so the inmates could go down to the ones below. That was the procedure. However, that particular morning was different. The bell rang as usual, and the guards began to unlock the cells, but then the usual routine fell apart, because the doors wouldn’t budge.

The night-cells were hermetically sealed by oaken doors of massive thickness, bolted and barred in accordance with the former idea that the security of prisoners should depend rather upon bolts and bars than upon the vigilance of the officers in charge. Each door was let into a twenty-four inch brick-wall, and secured by two ponderous bolts and an enormous lock of the most complicated workmanship. These locks were kept constantly oiled. When the gigantic key was inserted, it turned as easily as the key of a watch--that was the rule. When, therefore, on inserting his key into the lock of the first cell, Warder Slater found that it wouldn't turn at all, he was rather taken aback. "Who's been having a game with this lock?" he asked.

The night cells were tightly sealed with thick oak doors, bolted and barred based on the old belief that keeping prisoners secure depended more on locks and bars than on the attentiveness of the guards. Each door was set into a twenty-four-inch brick wall and secured with two heavy bolts and a huge lock with very intricate craftsmanship. These locks were always kept well-oiled. When the huge key was inserted, it turned as easily as a watch key—that was the rule. So, when Warder Slater tried to insert his key into the lock of the first cell and found that it wouldn't turn at all, he was quite surprised. "Who’s been messing with this lock?" he asked.

Warder Puffin, who was stationed at the head of the stairs to see that the prisoners passed down in order, at the proper distance from each other, replied to him.

Warder Puffin, who was positioned at the top of the stairs to ensure that the prisoners went down in order and kept the right distance from one another, responded to him.

"Anything the matter with the lock? Try the next."

"Is there something wrong with the lock? Give the next one a shot."

Warder Slater did try the next, but he found that as refractory as the first had been.

Warder Slater tried the next one, but he found it just as stubborn as the first had been.

"Perhaps you've got the wrong key?" suggested Warder Puffin.

"Maybe you have the wrong key?" suggested Warder Puffin.

"Got the wrong key!" cried Warder Slater. "Do you think I don't know my own keys when I see them?"

"Got the wrong key!" shouted Warder Slater. "Do you really think I don't recognize my own keys when I see them?"

The oddest part of it was that all the locks were the same. Not only in Ward A, but in Wards B, C, D, E, and F--in all the wards, in fact. When this became known, a certain sensation was created, and that on both sides of the unlocked doors. The prisoners were soon conscious that their guardians were unable to release them, and they made a noise. Nothing is so precious to the average prisoner as a grievance; here was a grievance with a vengeance.

The weirdest part was that all the locks were identical. Not just in Ward A, but in Wards B, C, D, E, and F—in all the wards, actually. When people found this out, it caused quite a stir on both sides of the unlocked doors. The inmates quickly realized that their guards couldn't let them out, and they started making noise. Nothing matters more to the average prisoner than a complaint; and this was a grievance taken to the extreme.

The chief warder was a man named Murray. He was short and stout, with a red face, and short, stubbly white hair--his very appearance suggested apoplexy. That suggestion was emphasised when he lost his temper--capable officer though he was, that was more than once in a while. He was in the wheel-shed, awaiting the arrival of the prisoners preparatory to being told off to their various tasks, when, instead of the prisoners, Warder Slater appeared. If Murray was stout, Slater was stouter. He was about five feet eight, and weighed at least 250 pounds. He was wont to amaze those who saw him for the first time--and wondered--by assuring them that he had a brother who was still stouter--compared to whom he was a skeleton, in fact. But he was stout enough. He and the chief warder made a striking pair.

The head guard was a guy named Murray. He was short and heavyset, with a red face and short, scruffy white hair—his appearance suggested high blood pressure. This was even more obvious when he lost his cool—although he was a capable officer, it happened more often than not. He was in the wheel-shed, waiting for the prisoners to arrive so he could assign them their various tasks, when, instead of the prisoners, Guard Slater showed up. If Murray was heavy, Slater was even heavier. He stood about five feet eight and weighed at least 250 pounds. He liked to surprise those who saw him for the first time—who were often amazed—by claiming he had a brother who was even bigger—making him seem like a skeleton in comparison. But he was heavy enough. He and the head guard made a striking duo.

"There's something the matter with the locks of the night-cells, sir. We can't undo the doors."

"There's an issue with the locks on the night cells, sir. We can't unlock the doors."

"Can't undo the doors!" Mr. Murray turned the colour of a boiled beetroot. "What do you mean?"

"Can't open the doors!" Mr. Murray turned the color of a boiled beet. "What do you mean?"

"It's very queer, sir, but all over the place it's the same. We can't get none of the doors unlocked."

"It's really strange, sir, but everywhere you look, it's the same. We can't get any of the doors unlocked."

Mr. Murray started off at a good round pace, Slater following hard at his heels. The chief warder tried his hand himself. He tried every lock in the prison; not one of them vouchsafed to budge. Not one, that is, with a single exception. The exception was in Ward B, No. 27. Mr. Murray had tried all the other doors in the ward, beginning with No. 1--tried them all in vain. But when he came to No. 27, the lock turned with the customary ease, and the door was open. Within it was Oliver Mankell, standing decorously at attention, waiting to be let out. Mr. Murray stared at him.

Mr. Murray started off at a steady pace, with Slater close behind him. The chief warder took a crack at it himself. He tried every lock in the prison; not one of them would budge. Well, there was one exception. The exception was in Ward B, No. 27. Mr. Murray had already tried all the other doors in the ward, starting with No. 1—he tried them all in vain. But when he reached No. 27, the lock turned effortlessly, and the door opened. Inside was Oliver Mankell, standing politely at attention, waiting to be let out. Mr. Murray stared at him.

"Hum! there's nothing the matter with this lock, at any rate. You'd better go down."

"Hum! There's nothing wrong with this lock, anyway. You should head down."

Oliver Mankell went downstairs--he was the only man in Canterstone jail who did.

Oliver Mankell went downstairs—he was the only guy in Canterstone jail who did.

"Well, this is a pretty go!" exclaimed Mr. Murray, when he had completed his round. Two or three other warders had accompanied him. He turned on these. "Someone will smart for this--you see if they don't. Keep those men still."

"Well, this is quite a situation!" exclaimed Mr. Murray when he finished his round. Two or three other wardens had joined him. He turned to them. "Someone's going to pay for this—you'll see. Keep those men still."

The din was deafening. The prisoners, secure of a grievance, were practising step-dances in their heavy shoes on the stone floors: they made the narrow vaulted corridors ring.

The noise was overwhelming. The prisoners, sure they had a right to complain, were doing step-dances in their heavy shoes on the stone floors: they made the narrow vaulted corridors echo.

"Silence those men!" shouted Mr. Jarvis, the second warder, who was tall and thin as the chief was short and stout. He might as well have shouted to the wind. Those in the cells just close at hand observed the better part of valour, but those a little distance off paid not the slightest heed. If they were locked in, the officers were locked out.

"Shut up, guys!" shouted Mr. Jarvis, the second guard, who was tall and skinny while the chief was short and stocky. He might as well have been shouting to the wind. The prisoners in the nearby cells kept quiet, but those a bit farther away ignored him completely. If they were locked in, the guards were locked out.

"I must go and see the governor." Mr. Murray pursed up his lips. "Keep those men still, or I'll know the reason why."

"I need to go see the governor." Mr. Murray pressed his lips together. "Hold those men still, or I'll find out why."

He strode off, leaving his subordinates to obey his orders--if they could, or if they couldn't.

He walked away, leaving his team to follow his orders—whether they could or couldn't.

Mr. Paley's house was in the centre of the jail. Paley, by the way, was the governor's name. The governor, when Mr. Murray arrived, was still in bed. He came down to the chief warder in rather primitive disarray.

Mr. Paley's house was in the middle of the prison. By the way, Paley was the governor's name. When Mr. Murray arrived, the governor was still in bed. He came down to the chief warder looking somewhat disheveled.

"Anything the matter, Murray?"

"Is something wrong, Murray?"

"Yes, sir; there's something very much the matter, indeed."

"Yes, sir; there’s definitely something wrong."

"What is it?"

"What's that?"

"We can't get any of the doors of the night-cells open."

"We can't get any of the doors to the night cells open."

"You can't get--what?"

"You can't get--what?"

"There seems to be something the matter with the locks."

"There seems to be something wrong with the locks."

"The locks? All of them? Absurd!"

"The locks? Every single one? That's crazy!"

"Well, there they are, and there's the men inside of them, and we can't get 'em out--at least I've tried my hand, and I know I can't."

"Well, there they are, and there are the men inside them, and we can't get them out—I've done my best, and I know I can't."

"I'll come with you at once, and see what you mean."

"I'll go with you right now and see what you mean."

Mr. Paley was as good as his word. He started off just as he was. As they were going, the chief warder made another remark.

Mr. Paley kept his promise. He left just as he was. As they walked, the head guard made another comment.

"By the way, there is one cell we managed to get open--I opened it myself."

"By the way, there’s one cell we managed to open—I opened it myself."

"I thought you said there was none?"

"I thought you said there wasn't any?"

"There's that one--it's that man Mankell."

"There's that one--it's that guy Mankell."

"Mankell? Who is he?"

"Mankell? Who's that?"

"He came in yesterday. It's that magician."

"He came in yesterday. It's that magician."

When they reached the cells, it was easy to perceive that something was wrong. The warders hung about in twos and threes; the noise was deafening; the prisoners were keeping holiday.

When they got to the cells, it was clear that something was off. The guards loitered in groups of two and three; the noise was overwhelming; the prisoners were celebrating.

"Get me the keys and let me see what I can do. It is impossible that all the locks can have been tampered with."

"Get me the keys and let me see what I can do. There's no way all the locks could have been messed with."

They presented Mr. Paley with the keys. In his turn he tried every lock in the jail This was not a work of a minute or two. The prison contained some three hundred night-cells. To visit them all necessitated not only a good deal of running up and down stairs, but a good deal of actual walking; for they were not only in different floors and in different blocks, but the prison itself was divided into two entirely separate divisions--north and south--and to pass from one division to the other entailed a walk of at least a hundred yards. By the time he had completed the round of the locks, Mr. Paley had had about enough of it. It was not surprising that he felt a little bewildered--not one of the locks had shown any more readiness to yield to him than to the others.

They handed Mr. Paley the keys. He then tried every lock in the jail. This wasn’t a quick task. The prison had about three hundred night-cells. Checking them all required not just a lot of trips up and down stairs, but also quite a bit of walking; they were located on different floors and in different blocks. Additionally, the prison was split into two completely separate sections—north and south—so moving from one section to the other meant walking at least a hundred yards. By the time he finished checking all the locks, Mr. Paley was pretty fed up with it. It wasn’t surprising that he felt a bit confused—none of the locks were any more cooperative with him than they were with anyone else.

In passing from one ward to the other, he had passed the row of day-cells in which was situated B 27. Here they found Oliver Mankell sitting in silent state awaiting the call to work. The governor pulled up at the sight of him.

In moving from one ward to another, he had walked past the row of day-cells where B 27 was located. There, they found Oliver Mankell sitting quietly, waiting for the call to work. The governor stopped when he saw him.

"Well, Mankell, so there was nothing the matter with the lock of your door?"

"Well, Mankell, so there was nothing wrong with the lock on your door?"

Mankell simply inclined his head.

Mankell just nodded.

"I suppose you know nothing about the locks of the other doors?"

"I guess you don't know anything about the locks on the other doors?"

Again the inclination of the head. The man seemed to be habitually chary of speech.

Again the nod of the head. The man appeared to be usually cautious with his words.

"What's the matter with you? Are you dumb? Can't you speak when you're spoken to?"

"What's wrong with you? Are you clueless? Can't you talk when someone talks to you?"

This time Mankell extended the palms of his hands with a gesture which might mean anything or nothing. The governor passed on. The round finished, he held a consultation with the chief warder.

This time Mankell opened his hands in a way that could mean something or nothing at all. The governor moved on. After the round was over, he had a meeting with the chief warder.

"Have you any suspicions?"

"Do you have any suspicions?"

"It's queer." Mr. Murray stroked his bristly chin.

"It's strange." Mr. Murray stroked his stubbly chin.

"It's very queer that that man Mankell's should be the only cell in the prison left untampered with."

"It's really strange that Mankell's cell is the only one in the prison that hasn't been messed with."

"Very queer, indeed."

"Very strange, indeed."

"What are we to do? We can't leave the men locked up all day. It's breakfast-time already. I suppose the cooks haven't gone down to the cookhouse?"

"What are we supposed to do? We can’t keep the men locked up all day. It’s already breakfast time. I guess the cooks haven’t gone down to the kitchen yet?"

"They're locked up with the rest. Barnes has been up to know what he's to do."

"They're locked up with everyone else. Barnes has been figuring out what he's supposed to do."

Barnes was the prison cook. The cooks referred to were six good-behaviour men who were told off to assist him in his duties.

Barnes was the prison cook. The cooks mentioned were six well-behaved inmates who were assigned to help him with his tasks.

"If the food were cooked, I don't see how we should give it to the men."

"If the food was cooked, I don't see why we should give it to the guys."

"That's the question." Mr. Murray pondered.

"That's the question," Mr. Murray thought.

"We might pass it through the gas-holes."

"We might pass it through the gas holes."

"We should have to break the glass to do it. You wouldn't find it easy. It's plate-glass, an inch in thickness, and built into the solid wall."

"We'd have to break the glass to get through. You wouldn’t find that easy. It’s plate glass, an inch thick, and set into the solid wall."

There was a pause for consideration.

There was a moment of thought.

"Well, this is a pretty start. I've never come across anything like it in all my days before."

"Well, this is a nice beginning. I've never seen anything like it before."

Mr. Paley passed his hand through his hair. He had never come across anything like it either.

Mr. Paley ran his hand through his hair. He had never encountered anything like it either.

"I shall have to telegraph to the commissioners. I can't do anything without their sanction."

"I need to message the commissioners. I can't do anything without their approval."

The following telegram was sent:

The following message was sent:

"Cannot get prisoners out of night-cells. Something the matter with locks. Cannot give them any food. The matter is very urgent. What shall I do?"

"Can't get prisoners out of their night-cells. There's something wrong with the locks. Can't give them any food. This is very urgent. What should I do?"

The following answer was received:

The response was received:

"Inspector coming down."

"Inspector is coming down."

The inspector came down--Major William Hardinge. A tall, portly gentleman, with a very decided manner. When he saw the governor he came to the point at once.

The inspector arrived—Major William Hardinge. A tall, heavyset gentleman with a very direct manner. When he saw the governor, he got straight to the point.

"What's all this stuff?"

"What's all this?"

"We can't get the prisoners out of the night-cells."

"We can't get the prisoners out of the night cells."

"Why?"

"Why?"

"There's something the matter with the locks."

"There's something wrong with the locks."

"Have you given them any food?"

"Have you given them food?"

"We have not been able to."

"We haven't managed to."

"When were they locked up?"

"When were they imprisoned?"

"Yesterday evening at six o'clock."

"Yesterday evening at 6 PM."

"This is a very extraordinary state of things."

"This is a really unusual situation."

"It is, or I shouldn't have asked for instructions."

"It is, or I shouldn’t have asked for directions."

"It's now three o'clock in the afternoon. They've been without food for twenty-one hours. You've no right to keep them without food all that time."

"It's now 3 PM. They've gone twenty-one hours without food. You have no right to keep them without food for that long."

"We are helpless. The construction of the night-cells does not permit of our introducing food into the interior when the doors are closed."

"We're helpless. The design of the night-cells doesn’t allow us to bring food inside when the doors are closed."

"Have they been quiet?"

"Have they been silent?"

"They've been as quiet as under the circumstance was to be expected."

"They've been as quiet as we could expect given the circumstances."

As they were crossing towards the north division the governor spoke again:

As they were heading toward the northern section, the governor spoke again:

"We've been able to get one man out."

"We've managed to get one guy out."

"One!--out of the lot! How did you get him?"

"One!--out of the bunch! How did you manage to get him?"

"Oddly enough, the lock of his cell was the only one in the prison which had not been tampered with."

"Strangely enough, the lock on his cell was the only one in the prison that hadn't been messed with."

"Hum! I should like to see that man."

"Hum! I’d like to see that guy."

"His name's Mankell. He only came in yesterday. He's been pretending to magic powers--telling fortunes, and that kind of thing."

"His name is Mankell. He just arrived yesterday. He's been acting like he has magical powers—telling fortunes and that sort of thing."

"Only came in yesterday? He's begun early. Perhaps we shall have to tell him what his fortune's likely to be."

"Only just arrived yesterday? He’s gotten a head start. Maybe we should let him know what his future might look like."

When they reached the wards the keys were handed to the inspector, who in his turn tried his hand. A couple of locksmiths had been fetched up from the town. When the Major had tried two or three of the locks it was enough for him. He turned to the makers of locks.

When they got to the wards, the keys were given to the inspector, who then took a shot at it. A couple of locksmiths had been brought in from town. After the Major tried two or three of the locks, that was enough for him. He turned to the lockmakers.

"What's the matter with these locks?"

"What's up with these locks?"

"Well, that's exactly what we can't make out. The keys go in all right, but they won't turn. Seems as though somebody had been having a lark with them."

"Well, that's exactly what we can't figure out. The keys go in just fine, but they won't turn. It seems like someone has been messing around with them."

"Can't you pick them?"

"Can't you choose them?"

"They're not easy locks to pick, but we'll have a try!"

"They're tough locks to pick, but we'll give it a shot!"

"Have a try!"

"Give it a shot!"

They had a try, but they tried in vain. As it happened, the cell on which they commenced operations was occupied by a gentleman who had had a considerable experience in picking locks--experience which had ended in placing him on the other side that door. He derided the locksmiths through the door.

They gave it a shot, but their efforts were pointless. As it turned out, the cell where they started their work was occupied by a man who had a lot of experience in picking locks—experience that had resulted in him ending up on the other side of that door. He mocked the locksmiths from behind the door.

"Well, you are a couple of keen ones! What, can't pick the lock! Why, there ain't a lock in England I couldn't pick with a bent 'airpin. I only wish you was this side, starving like I am, and I was where you are, it wouldn't be a lock that would keep me from giving you food."

"Well, you two are really sharp! What, can’t pick the lock? There isn’t a lock in England I couldn’t pick with a bent hairpin. I just wish you were on this side, starving like I am, and I was where you are; nothing could stop me from giving you food."

This was not the sort of language Major Hardinge was accustomed to hear from the average prisoner, but the Major probably felt that on this occasion the candid proficient in the art of picking locks had a certain excuse. He addressed the baffled workmen.

This wasn't the kind of language Major Hardinge was used to hearing from the typical prisoner, but the Major probably thought that this time the honest expert at picking locks had a valid reason. He spoke to the confused workers.

"If you can't pick the lock, what can you do? The question is, what is the shortest way of getting inside that cell?"

"If you can't pick the lock, what can you do? The question is, what's the quickest way to get into that cell?"

"Get a watch-saw," cried the gentleman on the other side the door.

"Get a watch saw," yelled the guy on the other side of the door.

"And when you've got your watch-saw?" inquired the Major.

"And when you have your watch-saw?" the Major asked.

"Saw the whole lock right clean away. Lor' bless me! I only wish I was where you are, I'd show you a thing or two. It's as easy as winking. Here's all us chaps a-starving, all for want of a little hexperience!"

"Saw the whole lock come right off. Goodness! I just wish I were where you are, I’d show you a thing or two. It’s as easy as pie. Here we are, all of us guys starving, all because of a little experience!"

"A saw'll be no good," declared one of the locksmiths. "Neither a watch-saw nor any other kind of saw. How are you going to saw through those iron stanchions? You'll have to burst the door in, that's what it'll have to be."

"A saw won't work," one of the locksmiths stated. "Neither a hacksaw nor any other type of saw. How are you going to cut through those iron supports? You'll need to force the door open, that's what it'll come down to."

"You won't find it an easy thing to do." This was from the governor.

"You won't find it an easy thing to do." This was from the governor.

"Why don't you take and blow the whole place up?" shouted a gentleman, also on the other side of the door, two or three cells off.

"Why don't you just blow the whole place up?" shouted a guy from the other side of the door, a couple of cells away.

Long before this all the occupants of the corridor had been lending a very attentive ear to what was going on. The suggestion was received with roars of laughter. The Major, however, preferred to act upon the workmen's advice. A sledge hammer was sent for.

Long before this, everyone in the hallway had been listening closely to what was happening. The suggestion got a huge laugh. However, the Major decided to take the workmen's advice. A sledgehammer was called for.

While they were awaiting its arrival something rather curious happened--curious, that is, viewed in the light of what had gone before. Warder Slater formed one of the party. More for the sake of something to do than anything else, he put his key into the lock of the cell which was just in front of him. Giving it a gentle twist, to his amazement it turned with the greatest ease, and the door was open.

While they were waiting for it to arrive, something quite strange happened—strange, that is, considering what had happened earlier. Warder Slater was part of the group. More to keep himself busy than anything else, he inserted his key into the lock of the cell directly in front of him. To his surprise, when he gave it a gentle twist, it turned with no effort at all, and the door swung open.

"Here's a go!" he exclaimed. "Blest if this door ain't come open."

"Here’s a shot!" he exclaimed. "I swear this door just swung open."

There was a yell of jubilation all along the corridor. The prisoners seemed to be amused. The official party kept silence. Possibly their feelings were too deep for words.

There was a shout of joy echoing down the hallway. The prisoners looked entertained. The official group stayed quiet. Maybe their emotions were too intense to express with words.

"Since we've got this one open," said Warder Slater, "suppose we try another?"

"Since we have this one open," said Warder Slater, "how about we try another?"

He tried another, the next; the same result followed--the door was opened with the greatest of ease.

He tried another one, then the next; the same result happened—the door opened effortlessly.

"What's the meaning of this?" spluttered the Major. "Who's been playing this tomfoolery? I don't believe there's anything the matter with a lock in the place."

"What's going on here?" the Major exclaimed. "Who's been messing around with this nonsense? I don't think there's anything wrong with a lock in this place."

There did not seem to be, just then. For when the officers tried again they found no difficulty in unlocking the doors, and setting the prisoners free.

There didn't appear to be any issue at that moment. When the officers tried again, they had no trouble unlocking the doors and releasing the prisoners.



CHAPTER II..

THE CHAPLAIN AS AN AUTHORITY ON
WITCHCRAFT.


Major Hardinge remained in the jail that night. He stayed in the governor's house as Mr. Paley's guest. He expressed himself very strongly about the events of the day.

Major Hardinge stayed in jail that night. He was a guest at the governor's house, hosted by Mr. Paley. He voiced his opinions very strongly about the day's events.

"I'll see the thing through if it takes me a week. The whole affair is incredible to me. It strikes me, Paley, that they've been making a fool of you."

"I'll see this through even if it takes a week. The whole situation is unbelievable to me. It seems to me, Paley, that they've been playing you for a fool."

The governor combed his hair with his fingers. His official manner had temporarily gone. He seemed depressed.

The governor ran his fingers through his hair. His formal demeanor had faded for the moment. He looked downcast.

"I assure you the doors were locked."

"I promise you the doors were locked."

"Of course the doors were locked, and they used the wrong keys to open them! It was a got-up thing."

"Of course the doors were locked, and they used the wrong keys to open them! It was a made-up situation."

"Not by the officers."

"Not by the cops."

"By whom then? I don't see how the prisoners could have lent a hand."

"Then by who? I can't see how the prisoners could have helped."

"I know the officers, and I will answer for them, every man. As for the wrong keys being used, I know the keys as well as any one. I tried them, and not a lock would yield to me."

"I know the officers, and I will take responsibility for them, every single one. As for the wrong keys being used, I'm familiar with the keys just as much as anyone else. I tried them, and not a single lock would open for me."

"But they did yield. What explanation have you to give of that?"

"But they did give in. What do you have to say about that?"

"I wish I could explain." And again the governor combed his hair.

"I wish I could explain." And again, the governor ran his fingers through his hair.

"I'll have an explanation to-morrow!--you see if I don't!" But the Major never did.

"I'll have an explanation tomorrow! Just wait and see!" But the Major never did.

On the morrow, punctually at 6 a.m., an imposing procession started to unlock. There were the inspector, governor, chief warder, second warder, and the warder who carried the keys.

On the next day, right at 6 a.m., a grand procession began to unfold. There were the inspector, governor, chief guard, second guard, and the guard who carried the keys.

"I don't think we shall have much difficulty in getting the men out of their cells this time," remarked the Major. They did not. "Good--good God!" he spluttered, when they reached the corridor; "what--what on earth's the meaning of this?" He had predicted rightly. They would have no difficulty in getting the men out of their cells: they were out already--men, and bedding, and planks, and all. There was a man fast asleep in bed in front of each cell-door.

"I don't think we'll have much trouble getting the guys out of their cells this time," the Major said. They didn't. "Wow—oh my God!" he stammered when they got to the corridor; "what—the hell is going on here?" He had been right. They didn’t have any trouble getting the men out of their cells: they were already out—men, bedding, planks, and everything. There was a guy fast asleep in bed in front of each cell door.

"I thought I had given instructions that a special watch was to be kept all night," the Major roared.

"I thought I had instructed that a special watch was to be kept all night," the Major shouted.

"So there has been," answered the chief warder, whose head and face and neck were purple. "Warder Slater here has only just gone off duty. Now then, Slater, what's the meaning of this?"

"So there has been," replied the chief guard, whose head, face, and neck were purple. "Guard Slater here has just finished his shift. Now, Slater, what's going on?"

"I don't know," protested Slater, whose mountain of flesh seemed quivering like jelly. "It's not a minute ago since I went to get my keys, and they was all inside their cells when I went down."

"I don't know," protested Slater, whose bulky frame seemed to shake like jelly. "It was just a minute ago that I went to grab my keys, and they were all in their cells when I went down."

"Who let them out, then?"

"Who let them out?"

The Major glared at him, incredulity in every line of his countenance.

The Major glared at him, disbelief written all over his face.

"I don't know. I'll swear it wasn't me!"

"I have no idea. I swear it wasn't me!"

"I suppose they let themselves out, then. You men!"

"I guess they let themselves out, then. You guys!"

Although this short dialogue had been conducted by no means sotto-voce, the noise did not seem to have had the slightest effect in rousing the prisoners out of slumber. Even when the Major called to them they gave no sign.

Although this short conversation was by no means sotto-voce, the noise didn’t seem to have the slightest effect in waking the prisoners from their sleep. Even when the Major called to them, they showed no response.

"You men!" he shouted again; "it's no good shamming Abraham with me!" He stooped to shake the man who was lying on the plank at his feet. "Good--good God! The--the--man's not dead?"

"You guys!" he shouted again; "you can't fool me with that Abraham stuff!" He bent down to shake the guy who was lying on the plank at his feet. "Wow--oh my God! The--the--guy's not dead?"

"Dead!" cried the governor, kneeling by the Major's side upon the stones.

"Dead!" shouted the governor, kneeling beside the Major on the ground.

The sleeper was very still. He was a man of some forty years of age, with nut-brown tangled hair and beard. If not a short-sentence man he was still in the early stages of his term--for he lay on the bare boards of the plank with the rug, blanket, and sheet wrapped closely round him, so that they might take, as far as possible, the place of the coir mattress, which was not there. The bed was not a bed of comfort, yet his sleep was sound--strangely sound. If he breathed at all, it was so lightly as to be inaudible. On his face was that dazed, strained expression which we sometimes see on the faces of those who, without a moment's warning, have been suddenly visited by death.

The sleeper was very still. He was a man around forty years old, with tangled nut-brown hair and a beard. While he wasn’t the type to use short sentences, he was still in the early phase of his sentence—lying on the bare planks, with a rug, blanket, and sheet wrapped closely around him, trying to replace the coir mattress that wasn't there. The bed wasn’t very comfortable, yet his sleep was deep—strangely deep. If he breathed at all, it was so softly that it was inaudible. His face had that dazed, strained look that we sometimes see on people who have been unexpectedly confronted by death.

"I don't think he's dead," the governor said. "He seems to be in some sort of trance. What's the man's name?"

"I don't think he's dead," the governor said. "He looks like he's in some kind of trance. What's the guy's name?"

"'Itchcock. He's one of the 'oppickers. He's got a month."

"'Itchcock. He's one of the 'oppickers. He has a month."

It was Warder Slater who gave the information. The governor took the man by the shoulder, and tried to rouse him out of sleep.

It was Warder Slater who provided the information. The governor shook the man by the shoulder and tried to wake him up.

"Hitchcock! Hitchcock! Come, wake up, my man! It's all right; he's coming to--he's waking up."

"Hitchcock! Hitchcock! Come on, wake up, man! It's okay; he's waking up--he's coming to."

He did wake up, and that so suddenly as to take the party by surprise. He sprang upright on the plank, nothing on but an attenuated prison shirt, and glared at the officials with looks of unmistakable surprise.

He woke up, and it was so sudden that it took everyone by surprise. He sat up straight on the plank, wearing nothing but a thin prison shirt, and stared at the officials with clear disbelief.

"Holloa! What's up! What's the meaning of this?"

"Holloa! What's going on? What's this all about?"

Major Hardinge replied, suspicion peeping from his eyes:

Major Hardinge replied, suspicion showing in his eyes:

"That is what we want to know, and what we intend to know--what does it mean? Why aren't you in your cell?"

"That's what we want to know, and what we plan to find out—what does it mean? Why aren't you in your cell?"

The man seemed for the first time to perceive where he was.

The man seemed to finally realize where he was.

"Strike me lucky, if I ain't outside! Somebody must have took me out when I was asleep." Then, realising in whose presence he was--"I beg your pardon, sir, but someone's took me out."

"Wow, I can't believe it, I'm outside! Someone must have taken me out while I was asleep." Then, noticing who he was with—"I'm sorry, sir, but someone has taken me out."

"The one who took you out took all the others too."

"The person who took you out took everyone else out too."

The Major gave a side glance at Warder Slater. That intelligent officer seemed to be suffering agonies. The prisoner glanced along the corridor. "If all the blessed lot of 'em ain't out too!"

The Major shot a sideways glance at Warder Slater. That sharp officer looked like he was in pain. The prisoner looked down the corridor. "If all of them aren't out too!"

They were not only all out, but they were all in the same curiously trance-like sleep. Each man had to be separately roused, and each woke with the same startling, sudden bound. No one seemed more surprised to find themselves where they were than the men themselves. And this was not the case in one ward only but in all the wards in the prison. No wonder the officials felt bewildered by the time they had gone the round.

They were not only all out, but they were all in the same strange, trance-like sleep. Each man had to be woken up individually, and each one startled awake with a sudden jolt. No one seemed more shocked to find themselves in their surroundings than the men themselves. This wasn’t just happening in one ward, but in all the wards in the prison. It’s no wonder the officials felt confused by the time they had gone around.

"There's one thing certain," remarked Warder Slater to Warder Puffin, wiping the perspiration from his--Warder Slater's--brow, "if I let them out in one ward, I couldn't 'ardly let them out in all. Not to mention that I don't see how a man of my build's going to carry eight-and-forty men, bed, bedding, and all, out bodily, and that without disturbing one of them from sleep."

"There's one thing for sure," said Warder Slater to Warder Puffin, wiping the sweat from his forehead, "if I let them out in one section, I can hardly let them out in all. Not to mention, I don't see how a guy like me is going to physically carry forty-eight men, along with their beds and bedding, without waking any of them up from their sleep."

As the official party was returning through B ward, inspecting the men, who were standing at attention in their day-cells, the officer in charge advanced to the governor.

As the official party was coming back through B ward, checking on the men who were standing at attention in their day-cells, the officer in charge approached the governor.

"One man missing, sir! No. 27, sir! Mankell, sir!"

"One man is missing, sir! Number 27, sir! Mankell, sir!"

The chief warder started. If possible, he turned a shade more purple even than before.

The chief warder jolted. If anything, he turned an even deeper shade of purple than before.

"Fetch me the key of the night-cells," he said.

"Get me the key to the night cells," he said.

It was brought. They went upstairs--the Major, the governor, the chief and second warders. Sure enough they found the missing man, standing at attention in his night-cell, waiting to be let out--the only man in the prison whom they had found in his place. The chief warder unlocked him. In silence they followed him as he went downstairs.

It was delivered. They went upstairs—the Major, the governor, the chief and second warders. Sure enough, they found the missing man, standing at attention in his night-cell, waiting to be let out—the only person in the prison they found in his spot. The chief warder unlocked the cell. In silence, they followed him as he made his way downstairs.

When the Major and Mr. Paley found themselves alone, both of them seemed a little bewildered.

When the Major and Mr. Paley were left alone, they both appeared a bit confused.

"Well, Major, what do you think of it now?"

"Well, Major, what do you think of it now?"

"It's a got-up thing! I'll stake my life, it's a got-up thing!"

"It's a setup! I swear, it's a setup!"

"What do you mean--a got-up thing?"

"What do you mean--a fake thing?"

"Some of the officers know more about it than they have chosen to say--that man Slater, for instance. But I'll have the thing sifted to the bottom before I go. I never heard of anything more audacious in the whole of my career."

"Some of the officers know more about it than they've decided to share—like that guy Slater, for example. But I’ll get to the bottom of this before I leave. I’ve never heard of anything more daring in my entire career."

The governor smiled, but he made no comment on the Major's observation. It was arranged that an inquiry should be held after chapel. During chapel a fresh subject was added to the list of those which already called for prompt inquiry.

The governor smiled but didn’t respond to the Major's comment. It was decided that an inquiry would take place after chapel. During chapel, a new topic was added to the list of issues that needed immediate investigation.

Probably there is no more delicate and difficult position than that of a prison chaplain. If any man doubt this, let him step into a prison chaplain's shoes and see. He must have two faces, and each face must look in an exactly opposite way. The one towards authority--he is an official, an upholder of the law; the other towards the defiers of authority--he is the criminal's best friend. It requires the wisest of men to do his duty, so as to please both sides; and he must please both sides--or fail. As has already been hinted, Mr. Hewett, the Chaplain of Canterstone Jail, was not the wisest of men. He was in the uncomfortable--but not uncommon--position of being disliked by both the rival houses. He meant well, but he was not an apt interpreter of his own meaning. He blundered, sometimes on the prisoners' toes, and sometimes on the toes of the officials. Before the service began, the governor thought of giving him a hint, not--in the course of it--to touch on the events of the last two days. But previous hints of the same kind had not by any means been well received, and he refrained. Exactly what he feared would happen, happened. Both the inspector and the governor were present at the service. Possibly the chaplain supposed this to be an excellent opportunity of showing the sort of man he was--one full of zeal. At any rate, before the service was over, before pronouncing the benediction, he came down to the altar-rail, in the way they knew so well. The governor, outwardly unruffled, inwardly groaned.

There’s probably no job more delicate and challenging than that of a prison chaplain. If anyone doubts this, let them try being a prison chaplain for a day and see for themselves. He has to present two different sides, with each side looking in completely opposite directions. One side faces authority—he’s an official and a supporter of the law; the other side faces those who defy authority—he’s the criminal's best friend. It takes the wisest of individuals to navigate this role in a way that satisfies both sides; he must please both—or he will fail. As has been mentioned, Mr. Hewett, the Chaplain of Canterstone Jail, was not the wisest person. He found himself in the awkward—but not unusual—position of being disliked by both camps. He meant well, but he wasn’t great at communicating his intentions. He stumbled, sometimes stepping on the toes of the prisoners, and other times on the toes of the officials. Before the service began, the governor considered giving him a hint not to mention the events of the last two days during the service. However, past hints of that nature hadn’t gone over well, so he decided against it. Just as he worried, exactly what he feared happened. Both the inspector and the governor were present at the service. Perhaps the chaplain thought this would be a great chance to show his dedication. In any case, before the service ended and before he gave the benediction, he stepped down to the altar-rail, just like they all knew him to do. The governor, appearing calm on the outside, was groaning on the inside.

"I have something to say to you."

"I have something to tell you."

When he said this, those who knew him knew exactly what was coming; or they thought they did, for, for once in a way, they were grievously wrong. When the chaplain had got so far he paused. It was his habit to indulge in these eloquent pauses, but it was not his habit to behave as he immediately did. While they were waiting for him to go on, almost forecasting the words he would use, a spasm seemed to go all over him, and he clutched the rail and spoke. And what he said was this--

When he said this, those who knew him thought they had a good idea of what would follow; or at least they believed they did, but this time they were seriously mistaken. Once the chaplain reached that point, he paused. He usually liked to take these dramatic pauses, but what happened next was unusual for him. While they were waiting for him to continue, almost predicting the words he would say, a shudder seemed to pass through him, and he grasped the rail and spoke. What he said was this--

"Bust the screws and blast 'em!"

"Bust the screws and blow them up!"

The words were shouted rather than spoken. In the very act of utterance he clung on to the rail as though he needed its support to enable him to stand. The chapel was intensely still. The men stared at him as though unable to believe their eyes and ears. The chaplain was noted for his little eccentricities, but it was the first time they had taken such a shape as this.

The words were shouted instead of spoken. As he spoke, he grabbed onto the rail as if he needed its support to keep standing. The chapel was completely silent. The men stared at him, unable to believe what they were seeing and hearing. The chaplain was known for his quirks, but this was the first time they had taken such a form.

"That's not what I meant to say." The words came out with a gasp. Mr. Hewett put his hand up to his brow. "That's not what I meant to say."

"That's not what I meant to say." The words slipped out with a gasp. Mr. Hewett raised his hand to his forehead. "That's not what I meant to say."

He gave a frightened glance around. Suddenly his gaze became fixed, and he looked intently at some object right in front of him. His eyes assumed a dull and fish-like stare. He hung on to the rail, his surpliced figure trembling as with palsy. Words fell from his lips with feverish volubility.

He glanced around in fear. Suddenly, his gaze locked onto something directly in front of him. His eyes took on a dull, fish-like stare. He gripped the railing, his clad figure shaking as if he were trembling with palsy. Words tumbled from his lips in a feverish rush.

"What's the good of a screw, I'd like to know? Did you ever know one what was worth his salt? I never did. Look at that beast, Slater, great fat brute, what'd get a man three days' bread-and-water as soon as look at him. A little bread and water'd do him good. Look at old Murray--call a man like that chief warder. I wonder what a chief fat-head's like? As for the governor--as for the governor--as--for--the--governor----"

"What's the point of a screw, I'd like to know? Have you ever met one who was worth anything? I haven’t. Look at that guy, Slater, he's a big, fat brute who'd throw a man into three days of bread-and-water for just looking at him. A little bread and water would do him some good. Look at old Murray—calling a guy like that chief warder. I wonder what a chief idiot is like? As for the governor—as for the governor—as—for—the—governor----"

The chapel was in confusion. The officers rose in their seats. Mr. Paley stood up in his pew, looking whiter than he was wont to do. It seemed as though the chaplain was struggling with an unseen antagonist. He writhed and twisted, contending, as it were, with something--or some one--which appeared to be in front of him. His sentence remained unfinished. All at once he collapsed, and, sinking into a heap, lay upon the steps of the altar--still.

The chapel was in chaos. The officers stood up in their seats. Mr. Paley got up in his pew, looking paler than usual. It appeared that the chaplain was battling with an invisible opponent. He squirmed and twisted, as if he were fighting something—or someone—that seemed to be right in front of him. His sentence trailed off. Suddenly, he collapsed and fell onto the steps of the altar—motionless.

"Take the men out," said the governor's quiet voice.

"Take the men out," said the governor's calm voice.

The men were taken out. The schoolmaster was already at the chaplain's side. With him were two or three of the prisoners who sang in the choir. The governor and the inspector came and looked down at the senseless man.

The men were taken out. The schoolmaster was already beside the chaplain. With him were two or three of the prisoners who sang in the choir. The governor and the inspector arrived and looked down at the unconscious man.

"Seems to be in a sort of fit," the schoolmaster said.

"Looks like he's having some kind of fit," the schoolmaster said.

"Let some one go and see if the doctor has arrived. Ask him to come up here at once." With that the governor left the chapel, the inspector going with him. "It's no good our staying. He'll be all right. I--I don't feel quite well."

"Can someone go check if the doctor is here? Ask him to come up right away." With that, the governor left the chapel, and the inspector followed him. "There's no point in us staying. He'll be fine. I--I don't feel so great."

Major Hardinge looked at him shrewdly out of the corner of his eyes. "Does he drink?"

Major Hardinge glanced at him knowingly from the side. "Does he drink?"

"Not that I am aware of. I have never heard of it before. I should say certainly not."

"Not that I know of. I've never heard of it before. I should definitely say no."

"Is he mad?"

"Is he crazy?"

"No-o--he has his peculiarities--but he certainly is not mad."

"No, he has his quirks, but he definitely isn’t crazy."

"Is he subject to fits?"

"Does he have seizures?"

"I have not known of his having one before."

"I didn't know he had one before."

When they reached the office the Major began to pace about.

When they got to the office, the Major started to walk back and forth.

"That chaplain of yours must be stark mad."

"That chaplain of yours must be completely crazy."

"If so, it is a very sudden attack."

"If that's the case, it's a really sudden attack."

"Did you hear what he said?"

"Did you hear what he just said?"

"Very well indeed."

"Absolutely."

"Never heard such a thing in my life! Is he in the habit of using such language?"

"Never heard anything like that in my life! Does he usually talk like that?"

"Hardly. Perhaps we had better leave it till we hear what the doctor says. Possibly there is some simple explanation. I am afraid the chaplain is unwell."

"Not really. Maybe we should wait until we find out what the doctor says. There might be a straightforward explanation. I'm worried that the chaplain isn't feeling well."

"If he isn't unwell, I don't know what he is. Upon my word, Paley, I can't congratulate you upon the figure Canterstone Jail has cut during the last few days. I don't know what sort of report I shall have to make."

"If he isn't feeling sick, I don't know what he is. Honestly, Paley, I can't congratulate you on how Canterstone Jail has been looking these last few days. I’m not sure what kind of report I’m going to have to write."

The governor winced. When, a few minutes afterwards, the doctor entered, he began upon the subject at once.

The governor grimaced. A few minutes later, when the doctor walked in, he jumped straight into the topic.

"How is the chaplain, doctor?"

"How's the chaplain, doctor?"

Dr. Livermore gave a curious glance about him. Then he shook hands with the inspector. Then he sat down. Taking off his hat, he wiped his brow.

Dr. Livermore looked around with interest. Then he shook hands with the inspector and sat down. He took off his hat and wiped his forehead.

"Well? Anything wrong?"

"Well? Is something wrong?"

"The chaplain says he is bewitched."

"The chaplain says he is under a spell."

The governor looked at the inspector, and the inspector looked at him.

The governor stared at the inspector, and the inspector stared back at him.

"Bewitched?" said Mr. Paley.

"Bewitched?" Mr. Paley asked.

"I told you the man was mad," the inspector muttered.

"I told you the guy was crazy," the inspector muttered.

"Hush!" the doctor whispered. "Here he comes."

"Hush!" the doctor whispered. "Here he comes."

Even as he spoke the chaplain entered, leaning on the chief warder's arm. He advanced to the table at which the governor sat, looking Mr. Paley steadily in the face.

Even as he was speaking, the chaplain walked in, leaning on the chief warder's arm. He approached the table where the governor was seated, looking directly at Mr. Paley.

"Mr. Paley, I have to report to you that I have been bewitched."

"Mr. Paley, I need to tell you that I've been enchanted."

"I am sorry to hear that, Mr. Hewett." He could not resist a smile. "Though I am afraid I do not understand exactly what you mean."

"I’m sorry to hear that, Mr. Hewett." He couldn’t help but smile. "But I’m afraid I don’t quite understand what you mean."

"It is no laughing matter." The chaplain's tone was cool and collected--more impressive than it was used to be. "The man whose name I believe is Oliver Mankell has bewitched me. He was the second man in the third row on my right-hand side in chapel. I could make out that his number was B 27. He cast on me a spell."

"It’s not a joke." The chaplain's tone was calm and composed—more striking than it used to be. "The guy I think is named Oliver Mankell has enchanted me. He was the second guy in the third row on my right side in chapel. I could tell that his number was B 27. He put a spell on me."

There was silence. Even the inspector felt that it was a delicate matter to accuse the chaplain outright of lunacy. An interruption came from an unexpected quarter--from the chief warder.

There was silence. Even the inspector realized that it was a sensitive issue to directly accuse the chaplain of being crazy. An interruption came from an unlikely source— from the chief warder.

"It's my belief that man Mankell's been up to his games about those cells."

"It's my belief that Mankell has been playing tricks with those cells."

The interruption was the more remarkable, because there was generally war--not always passive--between the chief warder and the chaplain. Every one looked at Mr. Murray.

The interruption was even more surprising because there was usually conflict—often not just passive—between the head guard and the chaplain. Everyone turned to look at Mr. Murray.

"What is this I hear about the cells?" asked Dr. Livermore.

"What’s this I’m hearing about the cells?" asked Dr. Livermore.

The governor answered:

The governor replied:

"Yesterday the men were all locked in their night-cells. This morning they were all locked out--that is, we found them all seemingly fast asleep, each man in front of his cell-door."

"Yesterday the men were all locked in their night-cells. This morning they were all locked out—that is, we found them all apparently fast asleep, each man in front of his cell door."

"They were all locked in except one man, and that man was Mankell--and he was the only man who was not locked out." Thus the chief warder.

"They were all locked in except for one man, and that man was Mankell—and he was the only man who wasn't locked out." So said the chief warder.

"And do you suggest," said the doctor, "that he had a finger in the pie?"

"And do you mean," said the doctor, "that he was involved?"

"It's my belief he did it all. Directly I set eyes upon the man I knew there was something about him I couldn't quite make out. He did it all! Have you heard, sir, how he came to the gate?"

"It's my belief he did it all. The moment I saw the man, I sensed something about him that I couldn't quite pinpoint. He did it all! Have you heard, sir, how he got to the gate?"

Mr. Murray was, in general, a reticent man. It was not his way to express decided opinions in the presence of authorities, or indeed of any one else. Mr. Paley, who knew his man, eyed him with curiosity.

Mr. Murray was generally a reserved man. He didn’t share strong opinions in front of authorities, or really anyone else. Mr. Paley, who understood him well, looked at him with interest.

"What was there odd about that?"

"What was weird about that?"

"Why, instead of the constable bringing him, it was him who brought the constable. When they opened the gate there was him with the policeman over his shoulder."

"Instead of the constable bringing him, he was the one who brought the constable. When they opened the gate, there he was with the policeman over his shoulder."

In spite of Mr. Murray's evident earnestness, there were some of his hearers who were unable to repress a smile.

In spite of Mr. Murray's obvious seriousness, some of his listeners couldn't help but smile.

"Do you mean that the constable was drunk?"

"Are you saying that the officer was drunk?"

"That's the queer part of it. It was John Mitchell. I've known him for two-and-twenty years. I never knew him have a glass too much before. I saw him soon afterwards--he was all right then. He said he had only had three half-pints. He was quite himself till he got near the gate, when all of a sudden he went queer all over."

"That's the strange part of it. It was John Mitchell. I've known him for twenty-two years. I've never seen him drink too much before. I saw him soon afterward—he was fine then. He said he had only had three half-pints. He was totally himself until he got near the gate, when suddenly he started acting weird all over."

"Possibly the ale was drugged," suggested the doctor.

"Maybe the ale was spiked," suggested the doctor.

"I don't know nothing about that, but I do know that the same hand that played that trick was the same hand that played the tricks with the cells."

"I don't know anything about that, but I do know that the same hand that pulled that trick was the same hand that messed with the cells."

"Consider a moment what you are saying, Murray. How are three hundred locks to be tampered with in the middle of the night by a man who is himself a prisoner? One moment--But even that is nothing compared to the feat of carrying three hundred men fast asleep in bed--bed and all--through three hundred closed doors, under the very noses of the officers on guard--think of doing all that singlehanded!"

"Think for a moment about what you're saying, Murray. How is a guy who’s also a prisoner supposed to mess with three hundred locks in the middle of the night? Just wait a second—But even that's nothing compared to the challenge of moving three hundred men sound asleep in bed—bed and all—through three hundred closed doors, right under the noses of the guards—just imagine doing all that alone!"

"It was witchcraft."

"It was magic."

When the chief warder said this, Major Hardinge exploded.

When the head guard said this, Major Hardinge lost it.

"Witchcraft! The idea of the chief warder of an English prison talking about witchcraft at this time of day! It's quite time you were superannuated, sir."

"Witchcraft! The thought of the head guard of an English prison discussing witchcraft in this day and age! It’s definitely time for you to retire, sir."

"The man, Mankell, certainly bewitched me."

"The man, Mankell, definitely captivated me."

"Bewitched you!" As the Major faced the chaplain he seemed to find it difficult to restrain his feelings. "May I ask what sort of idea you mean to convey by saying he bewitched you?"

"Bewitched you!" As the Major looked at the chaplain, he seemed to struggle to control his emotions. "Can I ask what you mean by saying he bewitched you?"

"I will explain so far as I am able." The chaplain paused to collect his thoughts. All eyes were fixed upon him. "I intended to say something to the men touching the events of yesterday and this morning. As I came down to the altar-rail I was conscious of a curious sensation--as though I was being fascinated by a terrible gaze which was burning into my brain. I managed to pronounce the first few words. Involuntarily looking round, I met the eyes of the man Mankell. The instant I did so I was conscious that something had passed from him to me, something that made my tongue utter the words you heard. Struggling with all my might, I momentarily regained the exercise of my own will. It was only for a moment, for in an instant he had mastered me again. Although I continued to struggle, my tongue uttered the words he bade it utter, until I suppose my efforts to repel his dominion brought on a kind of fit. That he laid on me a spell I am assured."

"I'll explain as best as I can." The chaplain paused to gather his thoughts. Everyone was watching him closely. "I meant to say something to the men about the events from yesterday and this morning. As I approached the altar-rail, I felt a strange sensation—like I was being held captive by a terrifying gaze that was searing into my mind. I managed to say the first few words. As I looked around involuntarily, I met the gaze of the man Mankell. The moment our eyes connected, I felt something transfer from him to me, something that compelled me to speak the words you just heard. Struggling with all my strength, I briefly regained control of my own will. But it was only for a moment, as he quickly took control of me again. Even though I kept fighting back, my tongue spoke the words he commanded it to say, until I believe my efforts to resist his influence caused me to have some sort of fit. I am certain that he put a spell on me."

There was a pause when the chaplain ceased. That he had made what he supposed to be a plain and simple statement of facts was evident. But then the facts were remarkable ones. It was the doctor who broke the silence.

There was a pause when the chaplain finished. It was clear that he thought he had made a straightforward and simple statement of facts. But those facts were indeed remarkable. It was the doctor who broke the silence.

"Suppose we have the man in here, so that we can put him through his facings?"

"Let’s say we have the guy in here, so we can put him through his paces?"

The governor stroked his beard

The governor stroked his beard.

"What are you going to say to him? You can hardly charge him with witchcraft. He is here because he has been pretending to magic powers."

"What are you going to say to him? You can barely accuse him of witchcraft. He’s here because he’s been pretending to have magical powers."

The doctor started.

The doctor began.

"No! Is that so? Then I fancy we have the case in a nutshell. The man is what old-fashioned people used to call a mesmerist--hypnotism they call it nowadays, and all sorts of things."

"No! Is that true? Then I guess we have the situation summed up perfectly. The man is what old-fashioned people used to refer to as a mesmerist—nowadays, they call it hypnotism, and a bunch of other things."

"But mesmerism won't explain the cells!"

"But mesmerism won't explain the cells!"

"I'm not so sure of that--at any rate, it would explain the policeman who was suddenly taken queer. Let's have the man in here."

"I'm not really sure about that—anyway, it would explain the policeman who suddenly started acting strange. Let’s bring the man in here."

"The whole thing is balderdash," said the Major with solemnity. "I am surprised, as a man of sane and healthy mind, to hear such stuff talked in an English prison of to-day."

"The whole thing is nonsense," said the Major seriously. "As a rational and healthy person, I'm shocked to hear such things spoken in a modern English prison."

"At least there will be no harm in our interviewing Mr. Mankell. Murray, see that they send him here." The chief warder departed to do the governor's bidding. Mr. Paley turned to the chaplain. "According to you, Mr. Hewett, we are subjecting ourselves to some personal risk by bringing him here. Is that so?"

"At least it won't hurt to interview Mr. Mankell. Murray, make sure they send him here." The chief warder left to carry out the governor's orders. Mr. Paley turned to the chaplain. "So, Mr. Hewett, you're saying we're putting ourselves at some personal risk by bringing him here. Is that right?"

"You may smile, Mr. Paley, but you may find it no laughing matter after all. There are more things in heaven and earth than are dreamt of in man's philosophy."

"You can smile, Mr. Paley, but you might not find it so funny after all. There are more things in heaven and earth than what people can understand."

"You don't mean to say," burst out the Major, "that you, a man of education, a clergyman, chaplain of an English prison, believe in witchcraft?"

"You can't be serious," exclaimed the Major, "that you, an educated man, a clergyman, chaplain of an English prison, actually believe in witchcraft?"

"It is not a question of belief--it is a question of fact. That the man cast on me a spell, I am well assured. Take care that he does not do the same to you."

"It’s not about belief—it’s about facts. I’m sure that the man put a spell on me. Be careful he doesn’t do the same to you."

The governor smiled. The doctor laughed. The enormity of the suggestion kept the Major tongue-tied till Mankell appeared.

The governor smiled. The doctor laughed. The weight of the suggestion left the Major speechless until Mankell showed up.



CHAPTER III.

THE SINGULAR BEHAVIOUR OF THE PRISON
OFFICIALS.


Although Mankell was ushered in by the chief warder, he was in actual charge of Warder Slater. The apartment into which he was shown was not that in which prisoners ordinarily interviewed the governor. There a cord, stretched from wall to wall, divided the room nearly in half. On one side stood the prisoner, with the officer in charge of him; on the other sat the governor. Here there was no cord. The room--which was a small one--contained a single table. At one end sat Mr. Paley, on his right sat Major Hardinge, the chaplain stood at his left, and just behind the Major sat Dr. Livermore. Mankell was told to stand at the end which faced the governor. A momentary pause followed his entrance--all four pairs of eyes were examining his countenance. He for his part bore himself quite easily, his eyes being fixed upon the governor, and about the corners of his lips hovered what was certainly more than the suspicion of a smile.

Although Mankell was brought in by the chief warder, he was actually under the supervision of Warder Slater. The room he entered was not the usual one for prisoners to meet with the governor. In that room, a cord stretched from wall to wall, dividing it almost in half. On one side stood the prisoner with the officer in charge; on the other sat the governor. In this case, there was no cord. The room—small in size—had only one table. At one end sat Mr. Paley, with Major Hardinge on his right, the chaplain on his left, and Dr. Livermore just behind the Major. Mankell was instructed to stand at the end facing the governor. There was a brief pause after he entered—all four pairs of eyes scrutinized his face. He, however, remained composed, his gaze fixed on the governor, and a hint of a smile lingered at the corners of his lips.

"I have sent for you," Mr. Paley began, "because I wish to ask you a question. You understand that I make no charge against you, but--do you know who has been tampering with the locks of the cells?"

"I called you here," Mr. Paley said, "because I want to ask you something. I want you to know that I'm not accusing you of anything, but—do you know who has been messing with the locks on the cells?"

The smile was unmistakable now. It lighted up his saturnine visage, suggesting that here was a man who had an eye--possibly almost too keen an eye--for the ridiculous. But he gave no answer.

The smile was unmistakable now. It lit up his gloomy face, suggesting that here was a man who had an eye—possibly almost too sharp an eye—for the ridiculous. But he didn’t respond.

"Do you hear my question, Mankell? Do you know who has been tampering with the locks of the cells?"

"Do you hear my question, Mankell? Do you know who has been messing with the locks on the cells?"

Mankell extended his hands with a little graceful gesture which smacked of more southern climes.

Mankell extended his hands with a small, graceful gesture that felt more like the warmth of southern regions.

"How shall I tell you?"

"How should I tell you?"

"Tell the truth, sir, and don't treat us to any of your high faluting."

"Tell us the truth, sir, and don’t give us any of your fancy talk."

This remark came from the Major--not in too amiable a tone of voice.

This comment came from the Major—not in a very friendly tone.

"But in this land it would seem that truth is a thing that wise men shun. It is for telling the truth that I am here."

"But in this place, it seems like wise people avoid the truth. I'm here to speak the truth."

"We don't want any of your insolence, my man! Answer the governor's question if you don't want to be severely punished. Do you know who has been playing hanky-panky with the cells?"

"We don't want any of your disrespect, buddy! Answer the governor's question if you don't want to face serious consequences. Do you know who's been messing around with the cells?"

"Spirits of the air."

"Air spirits."

As he said this Mankell inclined his head and looked at the Major with laughter in his eyes.

As he said this, Mankell tilted his head and looked at the Major with laughter in his eyes.

"Spirits of the air! What the devil do you mean by spirits of the air?"

"Spirits of the air! What on earth do you mean by spirits of the air?"

"Ah! what do I mean? To tell you that," laying a stress upon the pronoun, "would take a year."

"Ah! what do I mean? To tell you that," putting emphasis on the pronoun, "would take a year."

"The fellow's an insolent scoundrel," spluttered the Major.

"The guy's an arrogant scoundrel," the Major exclaimed.

"Come, Mankell, that won't do," struck in Mr. Paley. "Do I understand you to say that you do know something about the matter?"

"Come on, Mankell, that's not going to work," interrupted Mr. Paley. "Am I correct in understanding that you actually know something about this?"

"Know!" The man drew himself up, laying the index finger of his right hand upon the table with a curiously impressive air. "What is there that I do not know?"

"Know!" The man straightened himself, placing the index finger of his right hand on the table with a strangely impressive demeanor. "What is there that I don't know?"

"I see. You still pretend, then, to the possession of magic powers?"

"I see. You still pretend to have magical powers, then?"

"Pretend!" Mankell laughed. He stretched out his hands in front of him with what seemed to be his favourite gesture, and laughed--in the face of the authorities.

"Pretend!" Mankell laughed. He stretched out his hands in front of him with what seemed to be his favorite gesture and laughed—in the face of the authorities.

"Suppose you give us an example of your powers?"

"Could you show us an example of your abilities?"

The suggestion came from the doctor. The Major exploded.

The suggestion came from the doctor. The Major exploded.

"Don't talk stuff and nonsense! Give the man three days' bread and water. That is what he wants."

"Stop talking nonsense! Just give the man three days’ worth of bread and water. That’s what he needs."

"You do not believe in magic, then?" Mankell turned to the Major with his laughing eyes.

"You don't believe in magic, then?" Mankell turned to the Major with his laughing eyes.

"What's it matter to you what I believe? You may take my word for it that I don't believe in impudent mountebanks like you."

"Why do you care what I believe? You can trust me when I say I don't believe in arrogant frauds like you."

The only reply Mankell gave was to raise his hand--if that might be called a reply--in the way we sometimes do when we call for silence, and there was silence in the room. All eyes were fixed upon the prisoner. He looked each in turn steadily in the face. Then, still serenely smiling, he gently murmured, "If you please."

The only response Mankell gave was to raise his hand—if that could be called a response—in the way we sometimes do when we want silence, and the room fell quiet. Everyone's eyes were focused on the prisoner. He looked each person in the face, one by one, without wavering. Then, still calmly smiling, he softly said, "If you please."

There still was silence, but only for a moment. It was broken by Warder Slater. That usually decorous officer tilted his cap to the back of his head, and thrust his hands into his breeches pockets--hardly the regulation attitude in the presence of superiors.

There was still silence, but only for a moment. It was interrupted by Warder Slater. That typically well-mannered officer flipped his cap backward and shoved his hands into his pants pockets—definitely not the proper stance when around higher-ups.

"I should blooming well like to know what this means! 'Ere have I been in this 'ere jail eleven years, and I've never been accused before of letting men out of their night-cells, let alone their beds and bedding, and I don't like it, so I tell you straight."

"I would really like to know what this means! I've been in this jail for eleven years, and I've never been accused of letting men out of their cells at night, much less their beds and bedding, and I don't like it, so I'm telling you straight."

The chief warder turned with automatic suddenness towards the unexpectedly and unusually plain-spoken officer.

The chief warder turned suddenly and automatically toward the surprisingly straightforward officer.

"Slater, you're a fool!"

"Slater, you're an idiot!"

"I'm not the only one in the place! There's more fools here besides me, and some of them bigger ones as well!"

"I'm not the only one here! There are more idiots around besides me, and some of them are even bigger ones!"

While these compliments were being exchanged, the higher officials sat mutely looking on. When the chief warder seemed at a loss for an answer, the chaplain volunteered a remark. He addressed himself to Warder Slater.

While these compliments were being exchanged, the higher officials sat silently watching. When the chief warder seemed unsure of what to say, the chaplain stepped in with a comment. He directed his words to Warder Slater.

"It's my opinion that the governor's a bigger fool than you are, and that the inspector's a still bigger fool than he is."

"It's my opinion that the governor is a bigger fool than you, and that the inspector is an even bigger fool than him."

"And it's my belief, Mr. Hewett," observed the doctor, "that you're the biggest fool of all."

"And I believe, Mr. Hewett," the doctor said, "that you're the biggest fool of all."

"It would serve him right," remarked the governor, quietly, "if somebody were to knock him down."

"It would serve him right," the governor said softly, "if someone were to knock him down."

"Knock him down! I should think it would--and kick him too!"

"Knock him down! I really think you should--and kick him as well!"

As he said this the Major glared at the chaplain with threatening eyes.

As he said this, the Major shot a threatening glare at the chaplain.

There was silence again, broken by Warder Slater taking off his cap and then his tunic, which he folded up carefully and placed upon the floor, and turning his shirt-sleeves up above his elbows, revealing as he did so a pair of really gigantic arms.

There was silence again, interrupted by Warder Slater taking off his cap and then his tunic, which he folded neatly and set down on the floor. He rolled up his shirt sleeves above his elbows, showcasing a pair of truly massive arms.

"If any man says I let them men out of the cells, I'm ready to fight that man, either for a gallon of beer or nothing. I don't care if it's the inspector, or who it is."

"If any guy says I let those men out of the cells, I'm ready to fight that guy, either for a gallon of beer or nothing. I don't care if it's the inspector or whoever."

"I suspect," declared the chaplain, "that the inspector's too great a coward to take you on, but if he does I'm willing to back Slater for half-a-crown. I am even prepared to second him."

"I think," said the chaplain, "that the inspector's too much of a coward to take you on, but if he does, I'm willing to support Slater for two shillings and sixpence. I'm even ready to back him up."

Putting his hands under his coat-tails, the chaplain looked up at the ceiling with a resolute air.

Putting his hands under his coat, the chaplain looked up at the ceiling with a determined expression.

"If you do fight Slater, Hardinge, I should certainly commence by giving the chaplain a punch in the eye."

"If you end up fighting Slater, Hardinge, I definitely think I should start by punching the chaplain in the eye."

So saying, the governor leaned back in his chair, and began drumming on the table with the tips of his fingers. The doctor rose from his seat. He gave the inspector a hearty slap on the back.

So saying, the governor leaned back in his chair and started drumming on the table with his fingertips. The doctor got up from his seat. He gave the inspector a friendly slap on the back.

"Give him beans!" he cried. "You ought to be able to knock an over-fed animal like Slater into the middle of next week before he's counted five."

"Give him some beans!" he yelled. "You should be able to send an overfed guy like Slater flying into next week before he counts to five."

"I've no quarrel with Slater," the inspector growled, "and I've no intention of fighting him; but as the chaplain seems to be so anxious for a row, I'll fight him with the greatest pleasure."

"I have no issue with Slater," the inspector said gruffly, "and I don’t plan on confronting him; but since the chaplain seems so eager for a fight, I’ll gladly take him on."

"If there's goin' to be any fighting," interposed the chief warder, "don't you think I'd better get a couple of sponges and a pail of water?"

"If there’s going to be any fighting," interrupted the chief guard, "don’t you think I should grab a couple of sponges and a bucket of water?"

"I don't know about the sponges," said the governor; "I don't fancy you will find any just at hand. But you might get a pail of water, I think."

"I don't know about the sponges," said the governor; "I don't think you'll find any right now. But you could probably get a bucket of water, I suppose."

The chief warder left the room.

The head guard left the room.

"I'm not a fighting man," the chaplain announced; "and in any case, I should decline to soil my hands by touching such an ill-mannered ruffian as Major Hardinge."

"I'm not a fighter," the chaplain said, "and anyway, I wouldn't stoop to touch such a rude thug as Major Hardinge."

"I say," exclaimed the doctor, "Hardinge, you're not going to stand that?"

"I can't believe it," the doctor said. "Hardinge, are you really going to put up with that?"

The Major sprang from his seat, tore off his coat, and flung it on to the ground with considerably less care than Warder Slater had done. He strode up to the chaplain.

The Major jumped up from his seat, ripped off his coat, and threw it on the ground with much less care than Warder Slater had shown. He walked over to the chaplain.

"Beg my pardon, or take a licking!"

"Excuse me, or face the consequences!"

The Major clenched his fists. He assumed an attitude which, if not exactly reminiscent of the pets of the fancy, was at least intended to be pugilistic. The chaplain did not flinch.

The Major clenched his fists. He took a stance that, while not exactly like that of posh pets, was at least meant to be combative. The chaplain didn’t flinch.

"You dare to lay a finger on me, you bullying blackguard."

"You think you can touch me, you arrogant bully."

The Major did dare. He struck out, if not with considerable science, at any rate with considerable execution. The chaplain went down like a log. At that moment the chief warder entered the room. He had a pail of water in his hand. For some reason, which was not altogether plain, he threw its contents upon the chaplain as he lay upon the floor.

The Major did take a risk. He hit out, if not with a lot of skill, at least with a lot of force. The chaplain went down like a log. At that moment, the chief warder walked into the room. He had a bucket of water in his hand. For some reason that wasn't entirely clear, he dumped its contents on the chaplain as he lay on the floor.

While these--considering the persons engaged--somewhat irregular proceedings had been taking place, Mankell remained motionless, his hand upraised--still with that smile upon his face. Now he lowered his hand.

While these--considering the people involved--somewhat irregular proceedings had been taking place, Mankell stayed still, his hand raised--still wearing that smile on his face. Now he lowered his hand.

"Thank you very much," he said.

"Thanks a lot," he said.

There was silence again--a tolerably prolonged silence. While it lasted, a change seemed to be passing over the chief actors in the scene. They seemed to be awaking, with more or less rapidity, to the fact that a certain incongruity characterised their actions and their language. There stood Warder Slater, apparently surprised and overwhelmed at the discovery that his hat and coat were off, and his shirtsleeves tucked up above his elbows. The chief warder, with the empty pail in his hand, presented a really ludicrous picture of amazement. He seemed quite unable to realise the fact that he had thrown the contents over the chaplain. The inspector's surprise appeared to be no less on finding that, in his pugilistic ardour, he had torn off his coat and knocked the chaplain down. The doctor, supporting him in the rear, seemed to be taken a little aback. The governor, smoothing his hair with his hand, seemed to be in a hopeless mist. It was the chaplain, who rose from the floor with his handkerchief to his nose, who brought it home to them that the scene which had just transpired had not been the grotesque imaginings of some waking dream.

There was silence again—a fairly long silence. During it, a shift seemed to be happening with the main people involved in the scene. They appeared to be realizing, at different speeds, that there was a certain mismatch between their actions and their words. Warder Slater stood there, seemingly shocked and overwhelmed by the realization that his hat and coat were off, and his shirt sleeves were rolled up above his elbows. The chief warder, holding the empty bucket in his hand, looked truly ridiculous in his astonishment. He seemed completely unable to process that he had splashed the contents all over the chaplain. The inspector's surprise seemed no less intense upon discovering that, in his fighting enthusiasm, he had ripped off his coat and knocked the chaplain down. The doctor, supporting him from behind, looked a bit taken aback. The governor, smoothing his hair with his hand, appeared to be in utter confusion. It was the chaplain, rising from the floor with a handkerchief to his nose, who made it clear to them that the scene that had just occurred was not the silly fantasies of a waking dream.

"I call you to witness that Major Hardinge has struck me to the ground, and the chief warder has thrown on me a pail of water. What conduct may be expected from ignorant criminals when such is the behaviour of those who are in charge of them, must be left for others to judge."

"I call you to witness that Major Hardinge has knocked me to the ground, and the chief warder has splashed me with a bucket of water. What can we expect from ignorant criminals when this is how those in charge of them act? That’s for others to decide."

They looked at one another. Their feelings were momentarily too deep for words.

They looked at each other. Their emotions were briefly too intense for words.

"I think," suggested the governor, with quavering intonation, "I think--that this man--had better--be taken away."

"I think," the governor suggested, his voice shaking, "I think that this man should be taken away."

Warder Slater picked up his hat and coat, and left the room, Mankell walking quietly beside him. Mr. Murray followed after, seeming particularly anxious to conceal the presence of the pail. Mr. Hewett, still stanching the blood which flowed from his nose, fixed his eyes on the inspector.

Warder Slater grabbed his hat and coat and left the room, with Mankell walking quietly next to him. Mr. Murray followed behind, looking especially worried about hiding the pail. Mr. Hewett, still trying to stop the blood from his nose, focused his gaze on the inspector.

"Major Hardinge, if, twenty-four hours after this, you are still an Inspector of Prisons, all England shall ring with your shame. Behind bureaucracy--above it--is the English press." The chaplain moved towards the door. On the threshold he paused. "As for the chief warder, I shall commence by indicting him for assault." He took another step, and paused again. "Nor shall I forget that the governor aided and abetted the inspector, and that the doctor egged him on."

"Major Hardinge, if twenty-four hours from now you're still a Prison Inspector, all of England will hear about your shame. Behind bureaucracy—above it—is the English press." The chaplain moved toward the door. He paused at the threshold. "As for the chief warder, I will start by accusing him of assault." He took another step and paused again. "And I won't forget that the governor helped the inspector and that the doctor encouraged him."

Then the chaplain disappeared. His disappearance was followed by what might be described as an abject silence. The governor eyed his colleagues furtively. At last he stammered out a question.

Then the chaplain vanished. His disappearance was followed by what could be called a complete silence. The governor looked at his colleagues nervously. Finally, he stumbled over a question.

"Well, Major, what do you think of this?"

"Well, Major, what do you think about this?"

The Major sank into a chair, expressing his thoughts by a gasp. Mr. Paley turned his attention to the doctor.

The Major slumped into a chair, letting out a gasp that revealed his thoughts. Mr. Paley focused on the doctor.

"What do you say, doctor?"

"What do you think, doc?"

"I say?--I say nothing."

"I say? -- I say nothing."

"I suppose," murmured the Major, in what seemed to be the ghost of his natural voice, "that I did knock him down?"

"I guess," the Major murmured, in what sounded like a faint echo of his usual voice, "that I did knock him down?"

The doctor seemed to have something to say on that point, at any rate.

The doctor definitely had something to say about that.

"Knock him down!--I should think you did! Like a log of wood!"

"Knock him down! I can't believe you did! Just like a piece of wood!"

The Major glanced at the governor. Mr. Paley shook his head. The Major groaned. The governor began to be a little agitated.

The Major looked at the governor. Mr. Paley shook his head. The Major sighed. The governor started to get a bit anxious.

"Something must be done. It is out of the question that such a scandal should be allowed to go out into the world. I do not hesitate to say that if the chaplain sends in to the commissioners the report which he threatens to send, the situation will be to the last degree unpleasant for all of us."

"Something has to be done. There's no way we can let a scandal like this get out into the world. I won’t hesitate to say that if the chaplain submits the report he’s threatening to send to the commissioners, the situation will be extremely unpleasant for all of us."

"The point is," observed the doctor--"are we, collectively and individually, subject to periodical attacks of temporary insanity?"

"The point is," the doctor noted, "are we, as a group and as individuals, prone to occasional fits of temporary madness?"

"Speaking for myself, I should say certainly not."

"Speaking for myself, I would definitely say no."

Dr. Livermore turned on the governor.

Dr. Livermore faced the governor.

"Then perhaps you will suggest a hypothesis which will reasonably account for what has just occurred." The governor was silent. "Unless you are prepared to seek for a cause in the regions of phenomena."

"Then maybe you'll propose a hypothesis that can explain what just happened." The governor was silent. "Unless you're ready to look for a cause in the world of phenomena."

"Supposing," murmured the Major, "there is such a thing as witchcraft after all?"

"Supposing," whispered the Major, "there really is such a thing as witchcraft after all?"

"We should have the Psychical Research Society down on us, if we had nobody else, if we appended our names to a confession of faith." The doctor thrust his thumbs into his waistcoat arm-holes. "And I should lose every patient I have."

"We would get the Psychical Research Society after us, even if we had no one else, if we signed a statement of belief." The doctor shoved his thumbs into the armholes of his waistcoat. "And I'd lose every patient I have."

There was a tapping at the door. In response to the governor's invitation, the chief warder entered. In general there was in Mr. Murray's bearing a not distant suggestion of an inflated bantam-cock or pouter-pigeon. It was curious to observe how anything in the shape of inflation was absent now. He touched his hat to the governor--his honest, rubicund, somewhat pugnacious face, eloquent of the weight that was on his mind.

There was a knock at the door. Responding to the governor's invitation, the chief warder came in. Overall, Mr. Murray carried himself like an overgrown bantam-cock or a proud pigeon. It was interesting to see how any hint of arrogance was gone now. He tipped his hat to the governor—his honest, rosy, somewhat combative face showing the burden he was carrying.

"Excuse me, sir. I said he was a witch."

"Excuse me, sir. I said he was a witch."

"Your saying that he was a witch--or wizard," remarked the governor, dryly, "will not, I fear, be sufficient excuse, in the eyes of the commissioners, for your throwing a pail of water over the chaplain."

"Your claim that he was a witch—or wizard," the governor said dryly, "will not, I'm afraid, be a good enough excuse, in the eyes of the commissioners, for you throwing a bucket of water over the chaplain."

"But a man's not answerable for what he does when he's bewitched," persisted the chief warder, with characteristic sturdiness.

"But a guy's not responsible for what he does when he's under a spell," the chief guard insisted, showing his usual firmness.

"It is exactly that reflection which has constrained me to return."

"It’s exactly that reflection that has made me come back."

They looked up. There was the chaplain standing in the doorway--still with his handkerchief to his nose.

They looked up. There was the chaplain standing in the doorway—still with his tissue to his nose.

"Mr. Murray, you threw a pail of water over me. If you assert that you did it under the influence of witchcraft, I, who have myself been under a spell, am willing to excuse you."

"Mr. Murray, you splashed a bucket of water on me. If you claim that you did it because of witchcraft, I, having also been under a spell myself, am ready to let it slide."

"Mr. Hewett, sir, you yourself know I was bewitched."

"Mr. Hewett, you know I was under a spell."

"I do; as I believe it of myself. Murray, give me your hand." The chaplain and the chief warder solemnly shook hands. "There is an end of the matter as it concerns us two. Major Hardinge, do I understand you to assert that you too were under the influence of witchcraft?"

"I do; I believe that about myself. Murray, give me your hand." The chaplain and the chief warder solemnly shook hands. "That wraps things up for us. Major Hardinge, do I understand you to say that you were also under the influence of witchcraft?"

This was rather a delicate inquiry to address to the Major. Apparently the Major seemed to find it so.

This was a pretty touchy question to bring up with the Major. It looked like the Major thought so too.

"I don't know about witchcraft," he growled; "but I am prepared to take my oath in any court in England that I had no more intention of striking you than I had of striking the moon."

"I don't know anything about witchcraft," he growled; "but I'm ready to swear in any court in England that I had no more intention of hitting you than I had of hitting the moon."

"That is sufficient, Major Hardinge. I forgive you from my heart. Perhaps you too will take my hand."

"That's enough, Major Hardinge. I sincerely forgive you. Maybe you will take my hand too."

The Major took it--rather awkwardly--much more awkwardly than the chief warder had done. When the chaplain relinquished it, he turned aside, and picking up his coat, began to put it on--scarcely with that air of dignity which is proper to a prison inspector.

The Major took it—rather clumsily—way more clumsily than the chief warder had. When the chaplain handed it over, he turned away and started putting on his coat—barely with the dignity expected of a prison inspector.

"I presume," continued Mr. Hewett, "that we all allow that what has occurred has been owing to the malign influence of the man Oliver Mankell?"

"I assume," Mr. Hewett continued, "that we all agree that what happened was due to the harmful influence of the man Oliver Mankell?"

There was silence. Apparently they did not all allow it even yet: it was a pill to swallow.

There was silence. It seemed they still couldn’t accept it: it was tough to take.

"Hypnotism," muttered the doctor, half aside.

"Hypnotism," the doctor muttered, mostly to himself.

"Hypnotism! I believe that the word simply expresses some sort of mesmeric power--hardly a sufficient explanation in the present case."

"Hypnotism! I think the word just describes some kind of mesmerizing power—definitely not enough of an explanation in this situation."

"I would suggest, Major Hardinge," interposed the governor, "all theorising aside, that the man be transferred to another prison at the earliest possible moment."

"I would suggest, Major Hardinge," the governor interjected, "putting all theories aside, that the man be moved to another prison as soon as possible."

"He shall be transferred to-morrow," affirmed the Major. "If there is anything in Mr. Hewett's suggestion, the fellow shall have a chance to prove it--in some other jail. Oh, good Lord! Don't! He's killing me! Help--p!"

"He’ll be transferred tomorrow," the Major confirmed. "If there's anything to Mr. Hewett's suggestion, the guy will get a chance to prove it—in a different jail. Oh, come on! Don't! He’s driving me crazy! Help—please!"

"Hardinge!" exclaimed the doctor; "what's the matter now?"

"Hardinge!" the doctor exclaimed, "What's going on now?"

There seemed to be something the matter. The Major had been delivering himself in his most pompously official manner. Suddenly he put his hands to the pit of his stomach, and began to cry out as if in an ecstacy of pain, his official manner altogether gone.

There seemed to be something wrong. The Major had been speaking in his most formal, official style. Suddenly, he clutched his stomach and started to yell as if he were in intense pain, completely losing his formal demeanor.

"He'll murder me! I know he will!"

"He’s going to kill me! I know he will!"

"Murder you? Who?"

"Murder you? By whom?"

"Mankell."

"Mankell."

"Oddly enough, I too was conscious of a very curious sensation."

"Strangely enough, I also felt a very unusual sensation."

As he said this, the governor wiped the cold dew of perspiration from his brow. He seemed unnaturally white. As he adjusted his spectacles, there was an odd, tremulous appearance about his eyes.

As he said this, the governor wiped the cold sweat from his forehead. He looked unusually pale. As he adjusted his glasses, there was a strange, shaky look in his eyes.

"It was because you spoke of transferring him to some other jail." The chaplain's tone was solemn. "He dislikes the idea of being trifled with."

"It was because you mentioned moving him to another jail." The chaplain's tone was serious. "He doesn't like the idea of being messed with."

The Major resented the suggestion.

The Major disliked the suggestion.

"Trifled with? He seems uncommonly fond of trifling with other people. Confound the man! Oh--h!"

"Played around with? He really seems to enjoy messing with other people. Damn the guy! Oh--h!"

The Major sprang from the floor with an exclamation which amounted to a positive yell. They looked each other in the face. Each man seemed a little paler than his wont.

The Major jumped up from the floor with a shout that was almost a yell. They gazed at each other. Both men appeared slightly paler than usual.

"Something must be done," the governor gasped.

"Something needs to be done," the governor gasped.

The chaplain made a proposition.

The chaplain made a suggestion.

"I propose that we summon him into our presence, and inquire of him what he wishes us to do."

"I suggest we bring him here and ask him what he wants us to do."

The proposition was not received with acclamation. They probably felt that a certain amount of complication might be expected to ensue if such inquiries began to be addressed to prisoners.

The proposal wasn't met with enthusiasm. They likely thought that some complications could arise if such questions were directed at inmates.

"I think I'll go my rounds," observed the doctor. "This matter scarcely concerns me. I wish you gentlemen well out of it."

"I think I'll make my rounds," the doctor said. "This really doesn't involve me. I hope you guys get through it okay."

He reached out his hand to take his hat, which he had placed upon a chair. As he did so, the hat disappeared, and a small brown terrier dog appeared in its place. The dog barked viciously at the outstretched hand. The doctor started back just in time to escape its teeth. The dog disappeared--there was the hat again. The appearance was but momentary, but it was none the less suggestive on that account. The doctor seemed particularly affected.

He reached out to grab his hat, which he had set on a chair. As he did, the hat vanished, and a small brown terrier dog took its place. The dog barked aggressively at his outstretched hand. The doctor jumped back just in time to avoid getting bitten. The dog vanished—there was the hat again. The change was brief, but it was still significant. The doctor seemed especially impacted.

"We must have all been drinking, if we are taking to seeing things," he cried.

"We must all have been drinking if we're starting to see things," he shouted.

"I think," suggested the chaplain, almost in a whisper, "that we had better inquire what it is he wishes us to do." There was silence. "We--we have all clear consciences. There--there is no reason why we should be afraid."

"I think," suggested the chaplain, almost in a whisper, "that we should find out what he wants us to do." There was silence. "We—all have clear consciences. There—there's no reason to be afraid."

"We're--we're not afraid," gasped the governor. "I--I don't think you are entitled to infer such a thing."

"We're not afraid," the governor gasped. "I don’t think you have the right to assume that."

The Major stammeringly supported him.

The Major awkwardly supported him.

"Of--of course we--we're not afraid. The--the idea is preposterously absurd."

"Of course we're not afraid. The idea is completely ridiculous."

"Still," said the doctor, "a man doesn't care to have hanky-panky tricks played with his top hat."

"Still," said the doctor, "a guy doesn't like it when tricks are played with his top hat."

There was a pause--of considerable duration. It was again broken by the chaplain.

There was a pause—quite a long one. It was broken again by the chaplain.

"Don't you think, Mr. Paley, that we had better send for this man?" Apparently Mr. Paley did.

"Don't you think, Mr. Paley, we should call for this guy?" Apparently, Mr. Paley agreed.

"Murray," he said, "go and see that he is sent here."

"Murray," he said, "go make sure he gets sent here."

Mr. Murray went, not too willingly--still he went.

Mr. Murray went, not very willingly--but he went.



CHAPTER IV.

THE CIRCUMSTANCES UNDER WHICH THE OFFICIALS
OF CANTERSTONE JAIL PRESENTED MR. MANKELL
WITH A TESTIMONIAL.


Oliver Mankell was again in the charge of Warder Slater. Warder Slater looked very queer indeed--he actually seemed to have lost in bulk. The same phenomenon was observable in the chief warder, who followed close upon the prisoner's heels. Mankell seemed, as ever, completely at his ease. There was again a suspicion of a smile in his eyes and about the corners of his lips. His bearing was in striking contrast to that of the officials. His self-possession in the presence of their evident uneasiness gave him the appearance, in a sense, of being a giant among pigmies; yet the Major, at least, was in every way a bigger man than he was. There was silence as he entered, a continuation of that silence which had prevailed until he came. The governor fumbled with a paper-knife which was in front of him. The inspector, leaning forward in his chair, seemed engrossed by his boots. The doctor kept glancing, perhaps unconsciously, at his hat. The chaplain, though conspicuously uneasy, seemed to have his wits about him most. It was he who, temporarily usurping the governor's functions, addressed the prisoner.

Oliver Mankell was once again under the watch of Warder Slater. Warder Slater looked quite strange—he actually seemed to have lost some weight. The same was true for the chief warder, who was right behind the prisoner. Mankell appeared, as always, completely at ease. There was again a hint of a smile in his eyes and at the corners of his lips. His demeanor sharply contrasted with that of the officials. His calmness in the face of their obvious discomfort made him seem, in a way, like a giant among dwarfs; yet the Major, at least, was definitely a bigger man than he was. There was silence as he entered, a continuation of the quiet that had been there until he arrived. The governor fumbled with a paper knife that was in front of him. The inspector, leaning forward in his chair, seemed preoccupied with his boots. The doctor kept glancing, perhaps unconsciously, at his hat. The chaplain, though noticeably uneasy, seemed to have his wits about him the most. It was he who, temporarily taking on the governor's role, spoke to the prisoner.

"Your name is Oliver Mankell?" The prisoner merely smiled. "You are sentenced to three months' hard labour?" The prisoner smiled again. "For--for pretending to tell fortunes?" The smile became more pronounced. The chaplain cleared his throat. "Oliver Mankell, I am a clergyman. I know that there are such things as good and evil. I know that, for causes which are hidden from me, the Almighty may permit evil to take visible shape and walk abroad upon the earth; but I also know that, though evil may destroy my body, it cannot destroy my soul."

"Your name is Oliver Mankell?" The prisoner just smiled. "You’ve been sentenced to three months of hard labor?" The prisoner smiled again. "For— for pretending to tell fortunes?" The smile grew wider. The chaplain cleared his throat. "Oliver Mankell, I’m a clergyman. I understand that there are such things as good and evil. I realize that, for reasons I can't understand, the Almighty may allow evil to take shape and walk the earth; but I also know that while evil may harm my body, it cannot harm my soul."

The chaplain pulled up. His words and manner, though evidently sincere, were not particularly impressive. While they evidently had the effect of increasing his colleagues' uneasiness, they only had the effect of enlarging the prisoner's smile. When he was about to continue, the governor interposed.

The chaplain stopped. His words and demeanor, while clearly sincere, weren’t very impressive. Although they obviously made his colleagues more uneasy, they only made the prisoner smile wider. Just as he was about to continue, the governor interrupted.

"I think, Mr. Hewett, if you will permit me. Mankell, I am not a clergyman." The prisoner's smile almost degenerated into a grin. "I have sent for you, for the second time this morning, to ask you frankly if you have any reason to complain of your treatment here?" The prisoner stretched out his hands with his familiar gesture. "Have you any complaint to make? Is there anything, within the range of the prison rules, you would wish me to do for you?" Again the hands went out. "Then tell me, quite candidly, what is the cause of your behaviour?"

"I think, Mr. Hewett, if you don’t mind. Mankell, I'm not a clergyman." The prisoner’s smile almost turned into a grin. "I’ve called you here, for the second time this morning, to ask you directly if you have any reason to complain about how you’re being treated here?" The prisoner extended his hands with his usual gesture. "Do you have any complaints? Is there anything, within the prison rules, that you would like me to do for you?" Once again, the hands extended. "So, tell me honestly, what’s behind your behavior?"

When the governor ceased, the prisoner seemed to be considering what answer he should make. Then, inclining his head with that almost saturnine grace, if one may coin a phrase, which seemed to accompany every movement he made:

When the governor finished speaking, the prisoner looked like he was thinking about what response to give. Then, tilting his head with that almost gloomy elegance, if that’s a phrase one can invent, which seemed to accompany every motion he made:

"Sir, what have I done?" he asked.

"Sir, what did I do?" he asked.

"Eh--eh--we--we won't dwell upon that. The question is, What did you do it for?"

"Uh—uh—we—we won't focus on that. The real question is, what was your reason for doing it?"

"It is perhaps within your recollection, sir, that I have my reputation to redeem, my character to reinstate."

"It might be in your memory, sir, that I have my reputation to restore, my character to rebuild."

"Your character? What do you mean?"

"Your character? What are you talking about?"

"In the first interview with which you favoured me, I ventured to observe that it would be my endeavour, during my sojourn within these walls, to act upon the advice the magistrate tendered me."

"In the first interview you gave me, I noted that it would be my goal, during my time within these walls, to follow the advice the magistrate gave me."

"What"--the governor rather faltered--"what advice was that?"

"What," the governor hesitated, "what advice was that?"

"He said I claimed to be a magician. He advised me, for my character's sake, to prove it during my sojourn here."

"He said I claimed to be a magician. He advised me, for the sake of my reputation, to prove it while I'm here."

"I see. And--and you're trying to prove it--for your character's sake?"

"I get it. So you're trying to prove it—for your character's sake?"

"For my character's sake! I am but beginning, you perceive."

"For the sake of my character! I'm just getting started, you see."

"Oh, you're but beginning! You call this but beginning, do you? May I ask if you have any intention of going on?"

"Oh, you’re just getting started! You call this just the beginning, do you? Can I ask if you plan to keep going?"

"Oh, sir, I have still nearly the whole three months in front of me! Until my term expires I shall go on, with gathering strength, unto the end."

"Oh, sir, I still have almost the entire three months ahead of me! I'll keep going, building my strength, until my term is up."

As he said this Mankell drew himself up in such a way that it almost seemed as though some inches were added to his stature.

As he said this, Mankell straightened up so much that it almost looked like he gained a few inches in height.

"You will, will you? Well, you seem to be a pleasant kind of man!" The criticism seemed to have been extracted from the governor almost against his will. He looked round upon his colleagues with what could only be described as a ghastly grin. "Have you any objection, Mankell, to being transferred to another prison?"

"You will, will you? Well, you seem like a nice guy!" The criticism seemed to have slipped out of the governor almost reluctantly. He glanced around at his colleagues with what could only be called a creepy grin. "Do you have any objection, Mankell, to being moved to another prison?"

"Sir!" the prisoner's voice rang out, and his hearers started--perceptibly. Perhaps that was because their nerves were already so disorganised. "It is here I was sent, it is here I must remain--until the end."

"Sir!" the prisoner's voice echoed, causing his audience to flinch slightly. Maybe it was because their nerves were already so frayed. "This is where I was sent, and this is where I must stay—until the end."

The governor took out his handkerchief and wiped his brow.

The governor pulled out his handkerchief and wiped his forehead.

"I am bound to tell you, Mankell, judging from the experiences of the last two days, if this sort of thing is to continue--with gathering strength!--the end will not be long."

"I have to tell you, Mankell, based on what I've experienced the last two days, if this keeps happening—growing stronger!—the end won't be far off."

The prisoner seemed lost in reflection. The officials seemed lost in reflection too; but their reflections were probably of a different kind.

The prisoner appeared deep in thought. The officials also seemed deep in thought, but their thoughts were likely of a different nature.

"There is one suggestion I might offer."

"There’s one thing I’d like to suggest."

"Let's have it by all means. We have reached a point at which we shall be glad to receive any suggestion--from you."

"Let's go for it. We've reached a point where we'd be happy to hear any suggestions—from you."

"You might give me a testimonial."

"You could provide me with a testimonial."

"Give you what?"

"What do you want?"

"You might give me a testimonial."

"You could give me a review."

The governor looked at the prisoner, then at his friends.

The governor glanced at the prisoner, then at his friends.

"A testimonial! Might we indeed! What sort of testimonial do you allude to?"

"A testimonial! Could we really! What kind of testimonial are you referring to?"

"You might testify that I had regained my reputation, redeemed my character--that I had proved to your entire satisfaction that I was the magician I claimed to be."

"You could say that I had restored my reputation, redeemed my character—that I had shown you beyond any doubt that I was the magician I said I was."

The governor leaned back in his seat.

The governor leaned back in his chair.

"Your suggestion has at least the force of novelty. I should like to search the registers of remarkable cases, to know if such an application has ever been made to the governor of an English jail before. What do you say, Hardinge?"

"Your suggestion definitely brings something new to the table. I’d like to check the records of notable cases to see if anyone has ever made a request like this to the governor of an English prison before. What do you think, Hardinge?"

The Major shuffled in his chair.

The Major shifted in his chair.

"I--I think I must return to town."

"I—I think I should head back to town."

The prisoner smiled. The Major winced.

The prisoner smiled. The Major flinched.

"That--that fellow's pinned me to my chair," he gasped. He appeared to be making futile efforts to rise from his seat.

"That guy has me stuck in my chair," he gasped. He seemed to be struggling in vain to get up from his seat.

"You cannot return to town. Dismiss the idea from your mind."

"You can’t go back to town. Forget that idea."

The Major only groaned. He took out his handkerchief and wiped his brow. The governor looked up from the paper-knife with which he was again trifling.

The Major just groaned. He pulled out his handkerchief and wiped his brow. The governor glanced up from the paper knife he was idly playing with.

"Am I to understand that the testimonial is to take the shape of a voluntary offering?"

"Am I to understand that the testimonial is going to be a voluntary contribution?"

"Oh, sir! Of what value is a testimonial which is not voluntary?"

"Oh, sir! What’s the worth of a testimonial that isn’t given willingly?"

"Quite so. How do you suggest it should be worded?"

"Absolutely. How do you think it should be phrased?"

"May I ask you for paper, pens, and ink?"

"Can I get some paper, pens, and ink?"

The prisoner bent over the table and wrote on the paper which was handed him. What he had written he passed to the governor. Mr. Paley found inscribed, in a beautifully fair round hand, as clear as copperplate, the following "testimonial":--

The prisoner leaned over the table and wrote on the paper given to him. What he had written, he handed to the governor. Mr. Paley discovered inscribed, in a beautifully neat round handwriting, as clear as copperplate, the following "testimonial":--

"The undersigned persons present their compliments to Colonel Gregory. Oliver Mankell, sentenced by Colonel Gregory to three months' hard labour, has been in Canterstone Jail two days. That short space of time has, however, convinced them that Colonel Gregory acted wrongly in distrusting his magic powers, and so casting a stain upon his character. This is to testify that he has proved, to the entire satisfaction of the undersigned inspector of prisons and officials of Canterstone Jail, that he is a magician of quite the highest class."

"The undersigned individuals send their regards to Colonel Gregory. Oliver Mankell, sentenced by Colonel Gregory to three months of hard labor, has been in Canterstone Jail for two days. However, this brief time has convinced them that Colonel Gregory was wrong to doubt his magical abilities, thereby tarnishing his reputation. This serves to confirm that he has demonstrated, to the complete satisfaction of the undersigned inspector of prisons and officials at Canterstone Jail, that he is a magician of the highest caliber."

"The signatures of all those present should be placed at the bottom," observed the prisoner, as the governor was reading the "testimonial."

"The signatures of everyone here should be at the bottom," the prisoner remarked, as the governor was reading the "testimonial."

Apparently at a loss for words with which to comment upon the paper he had read, the governor handed it to the inspector. The Major shrank from taking it.

Apparently unsure what to say about the paper he had read, the governor handed it to the inspector. The Major hesitated to take it.

"I--I'd rather not," he mumbled.

"I'd rather not," he mumbled.

"I think you had better read it," said the governor. Thus urged, the Major did read it.

"I think you should read it," said the governor. With that encouragement, the Major did read it.

"Good Lord!" he gasped, and passed it to the doctor.

"Good Lord!" he exclaimed, and handed it to the doctor.

The doctor silently, having read it, passed it to the chaplain.

The doctor quietly handed it to the chaplain after reading it.

"I will read it aloud," said Mr. Hewett. He did so--for the benefit, probably, of Slater and Mr. Murray.

"I'll read it out loud," said Mr. Hewett. He did, probably for the benefit of Slater and Mr. Murray.

"Supposing we were to sign that document, what would you propose to do with it?" inquired the governor.

"Assuming we sign that document, what do you plan to do with it?" asked the governor.

"I should convey it to Colonel Gregory."

"I need to tell Colonel Gregory."

"Indeed! In that case he would have as high an opinion of our characters as of yours. And yourself--what sort of action might we expect from you?"

"Absolutely! In that case, he'd think just as highly of our character as he does of yours. And you—what kind of actions can we expect from you?"

"I should go."

"I need to go."

The governor's jaw dropped.

The governor was stunned.

"Go? Oh, would you!"

"Go? Oh, please do!"

"My character regained, for what have I to stop?"

"My character regained, for what do I have to stop?"

"Exactly. What have you? There's that point of view, no doubt. Well, Mankell, we will think the matter over."

"Exactly. What do you have? That viewpoint is there, no question. Well, Mankell, we'll think it over."

The prisoner dropped his hands to his sides, looking the governor steadily in the face.

The prisoner let his arms fall to his sides, staring directly at the governor.

"Sir, I conceive that answer to convey a negative. The proposition thus refused will not be made again. It only remains for me to continue earnestly my endeavours to retrieve my character--until the three months are at an end."

"Sir, I believe that answer indicates a no. The proposal that was declined won't be brought up again. All I can do now is to keep genuinely working to restore my reputation—until the three months are over."

The chaplain was holding the testimonial loosely between his finger and thumb. Stretching out his arm, Mankell pointed at it with his hand. It was immediately in flames. The chaplain releasing it, it was consumed to ashes before it reached the floor. Returning to face the governor gain, the prisoner laid his right hand, palm downwards, on the table: "Spirits of the air, in whose presence I now stand, I ask you if I am not justified in whatever I may do?"

The chaplain was holding the testimonial loosely between his finger and thumb. Stretching out his arm, Mankell pointed at it with his hand. It burst into flames instantly. As the chaplain let it go, it turned to ashes before it hit the floor. Turning back to face the governor again, the prisoner placed his right hand, palm down, on the table: "Spirits of the air, in whose presence I now stand, I ask you if I am not justified in whatever I may do?"

His voice was very musical. His upturned eyes seemed to pierce through the ceiling to what there was beyond. The room grew darker. There was a rumbling in the air. The ground began to shake. The chaplain, who was caressing the hand which had been scorched by the flames, burst out with what was for him a passionate appeal:

His voice was very melodic. His upturned eyes seemed to see through the ceiling to what lay beyond. The room became darker. There was a rumble in the air. The ground started to shake. The chaplain, who was holding the hand that had been burned by the flames, suddenly expressed what was for him a heartfelt plea:

"Mr. Mankell, you are over hasty. I was about to explain that I should esteem it quite an honour to sign your testimonial."

"Mr. Mankell, you’re being too quick. I was just about to say that I would consider it a real honor to sign your testimonial."

"So should I--upon my soul, I should!" declared the Major.

"So I should—honestly, I really should!" declared the Major.

"There's nothing I wouldn't do to oblige you, Mr. Mankell," stammered the chief warder.

"There's nothing I wouldn't do to help you, Mr. Mankell," stammered the chief warder.

"Same 'ere!" cried Warder Slater.

"Same here!" cried Warder Slater.

"You really are too rapid in arriving at conclusions, Mr. Mankell," remarked the governor. "I do beg you will not suppose there was any negative intention."

"You really jump to conclusions too quickly, Mr. Mankell," said the governor. "I sincerely hope you don’t think there was any negative intention."

The darkness, the rumbling, and the shaking ceased as suddenly as they began. The prisoner smiled.

The darkness, the rumbling, and the shaking stopped just as suddenly as they started. The prisoner smiled.

"Perhaps I was too hasty," he confessed. "It is an error which can easily be rectified."

"Maybe I was too quick," he admitted. "It’s a mistake that can easily be fixed."

He raised his hand. A piece of paper fluttered from the ceiling. It fell upon the table. It was the testimonial.

He raised his hand. A piece of paper fluttered down from the ceiling. It landed on the table. It was the testimonial.

"Your signature, Major Hardinge, should head the list."

"Your signature, Major Hardinge, should be at the top of the list."

"I--I--I'd rather somebody else signed first."

"I'd rather someone else sign first."

"That would never do: it is for you to lead the van. You are free to leave your seat."

"That won't work: it's up to you to take the lead. You can leave your seat whenever you want."

The Major left his seat, apparently not rejoicing in his freedom. He wrote "William Hardinge" in great sprawling characters.

The Major got up from his seat, seemingly not excited about his freedom. He wrote "William Hardinge" in large, messy letters.

"Add 'Inspector of Prisons.'"

"Add 'Prison Inspector.'"

The Major added "Inspector of Prisons," with a very rueful countenance.

The Major added "Inspector of Prisons," looking quite regretful.

"Mr. Paley, it is your turn."

"Mr. Paley, it's your turn."

Mr. Paley took his turn, with a really tolerable imitation of being both ready and willing. Acting on the hint which had been given the Major, he added "Governor" of his own accord.

Mr. Paley took his turn, with a pretty decent imitation of being both ready and willing. Following the hint given to the Major, he added "Governor" on his own.

"Now, doctor, it is you."

"Now, it's your turn, doctor."

The doctor thrust his hands into his trousers' pockets. "I'll sign, if you'll tell me how it is done."

The doctor shoved his hands into his pants pockets. "I'll sign, if you tell me how it's done."

"Tell you how it is done? How what is done?"

"Do you want me to explain how it’s done? How what’s done?"

"How you do that hanky-panky, of course."

"How you pull off that nonsense, of course."

"Hanky-panky!" The prisoner drew himself straight up. "Is it possible that you suspect me of hanky-panky? Yes, sir, I will show you how it's done. If you wish it, you shall be torn asunder where you stand."

"Hanky-panky!" The prisoner stood up tall. "Do you really think I'm up to no good? Yes, I’ll show you how it’s done. If you want, you’ll be ripped apart right where you are."

"Thank you,--you needn't trouble. I'll sign."

"Thank you, you don’t need to worry. I’ll sign."

He signed. The chaplain shook his head and sighed.

He signed. The chaplain shook his head and sighed.

"I always placed a literal interpretation on the twenty-eighth chapter of the first book of Samuel. It is singular how my faith is justified!"

"I’ve always taken the twenty-eighth chapter of the first book of Samuel literally. It’s interesting how my faith is validated!"

The chief warder placed his spectacles upon his nose, where they seemed uneasy, and made quite a business of signing. And such was Warder Slater's agitation, that he could scarcely sign at all. But at last the "testimonial" was complete. The prisoner smiled as he carefully folded it in two.

The head guard put his glasses on his nose, where they felt uncomfortable, and made a big deal out of signing. Warder Slater was so nervous that he could barely sign. But finally, the "testimonial" was done. The prisoner smiled as he carefully folded it in half.

"I will convey it to Colonel Gregory," he said. "It is a gratification to me to have been able to retrieve my character in so short a space of time."

"I'll pass it on to Colonel Gregory," he said. "I'm really pleased that I was able to clear my name in such a short amount of time."

They watched him--a little spellbound, perhaps; and as they watched him, even before their eyes--behold, he was gone!

They watched him—maybe a little mesmerized; and as they watched him, right before their eyes—he vanished!





TWINS!


CHAPTER I.

THE FIRST LADY.


"Mrs. And Miss Danvers."

"Ms. And Miss Danvers."

Mr. Herbert Buxton, standing at the office window of the hotel, glancing at the visitors' book on the desk at his right, saw the names among the latest arrivals. They caught his eye. "Pontresina" was stated to be the place from which they had lately come.

Mr. Herbert Buxton, standing at the hotel office window, glanced at the visitor's book on the desk to his right and noticed the names among the latest arrivals. They caught his attention. "Pontresina" was listed as the place they had recently come from.

"It is the Danvers, for a fiver--Cecil's Danvers."

"It is the Danvers, for five bucks--Cecil's Danvers."

Strolling from the office window, he took a letter--a frayed letter--from his pocket-book. It was post-marked "Pontresina." The signature was "Cecil Buxton"--it was from his brother.

Strolling by the office window, he took out a letter—a worn letter—from his wallet. It was postmarked "Pontresina." The signature read "Cecil Buxton"—it was from his brother.

"Dear Hubert," it ran, "you really must get something to do! Your request for what you call an advance is absurd. So far from advancing you anything I shall have to cut short the allowance I have been making you. I have met here a Mrs. and Miss Danvers. I have asked Miss Danvers to do me the honour to marry me. She has consented. When that event comes to pass--which will be very shortly--your allowance will recede to a vanishing point. That you will get something to do is, therefore, the advice of your affectionate brother, Cecil Buxton."

"Dear Hubert," it said, "you really need to find something to do! Your request for what you call an advance is ridiculous. Instead of giving you anything, I’ll have to reduce the allowance I’ve been giving you. I’ve met a Mrs. and Miss Danvers here. I’ve asked Miss Danvers to honor me by marrying her, and she’s agreed. Once that happens—which will be very soon—your allowance will disappear completely. So, getting something to do is, therefore, the advice from your loving brother, Cecil Buxton."

"It would be an odd coincidence," reflected Hubert, "if that Miss Danvers is this Miss Danvers."

"It would be a strange coincidence," thought Hubert, "if that Miss Danvers is this Miss Danvers."

An idea occurred to his fertile--too fertile--brain. As the first glimmerings of the idea burst on him, Hubert smiled.

An idea popped into his creative—too creative—mind. As the first hints of the idea emerged, Hubert smiled.

In giving birth to Cecil and Hubert Buxton, Nature had been indulging in one of her freaks. They were twins--born within a few seconds of each other. Cecil came first. Hubert came, with all possible expedition, immediately after. Babies are proverbially alike. These babies were so much alike that, when they were undressed, no one ever pretended to be able to tell one from the other. The resemblance outlived babyhood. As the years went on, Cecil was always being taken for Hubert, Hubert for Cecil. The unfortunate part of the business was that the resemblance was merely superficial. Inside, they were altogether different. Cecil was solid and steady, while Hubert--well, at that particular moment he was quartered at that fashionable Bournemouth hotel, without money in his pocket with which to pay his hotel bill, and with nobody within reach from whom he could borrow a five-pound note.

In giving birth to Cecil and Hubert Buxton, Nature had indulged in one of her quirks. They were twins—born just seconds apart. Cecil was born first. Hubert followed right after, as fast as possible. Babies are often said to look alike. These babies looked so much alike that, when they were undressed, no one ever claimed they could tell them apart. The resemblance lasted beyond infancy. As the years passed, Cecil was constantly mistaken for Hubert and vice versa. The unfortunate part was that their similarity was only skin deep. On the inside, they were completely different. Cecil was solid and dependable, while Hubert—well, at that moment, he was staying at a trendy hotel in Bournemouth, without a dime to pay his bill, and with no one nearby to borrow a five-pound note from.

"If," he told himself, "this Danvers is that Danvers, I might make something out of that fatal likeness after all."

"If," he told himself, "this Danvers is that Danvers, I might be able to turn that striking resemblance into something worthwhile after all."

It would not be, by any means, the first time he had made something out of the "fatal likeness," but on that, in this place, we need not dwell. He strolled along the corridor, the open letter in his hand, biting his nails and thinking over things as he went. As he approached the glass door which led into the grounds, it opened to admit a lady. At sight of him she stopped.

It wouldn't be the first time he had created something out of the "fatal likeness," but we don't need to focus on that here. He walked down the hallway, the open letter in his hand, biting his nails and thinking about things as he went. As he got close to the glass door that led outside, it opened to let in a lady. When she saw him, she stopped.

"Cecil!" she exclaimed.

"Cecil!" she said.

Hubert looked at her. She was a magnificent woman, planned altogether on a magnificent scale, with a profusion of red-gold hair, and a pair of the biggest and brightest eyes Hubert, with all his wide experience, ever remembered to have seen.

Hubert looked at her. She was an extraordinary woman, designed on an impressive scale, with a cascade of red-gold hair and a pair of the biggest and brightest eyes Hubert had ever encountered, despite all his extensive experience.

"It is the Danvers!" he inwardly decided. "What a 'oner'!"

"It is the Danvers!" he thought to himself. "What a ‘one-off’!"

But he was equal to the occasion. He generally was--more than equal. He held out his hand to her with a little sudden burst.

But he rose to the occasion. He usually did—more than rose to it. He reached out his hand to her with a quick, unexpected movement.

"You!" he cried.

"You!" he shouted.

The lady, however, did not immediately respond to his advances. On the contrary, she put her hands behind her back.

The lady, however, didn’t immediately respond to his advances. Instead, she put her hands behind her back.

"This is an unexpected pleasure. I didn't expect to see you here. I thought you were in Paris."

"This is a nice surprise. I didn't expect to see you here. I thought you were in Paris."

As a matter of fact according to the most recent advices, Cecil was in Paris. But, of course, Hubert had nothing to do with that.

As it turns out, according to the latest updates, Cecil was in Paris. But, of course, Hubert had nothing to do with that.

"I only arrived last night. You--you don't seem glad to see me?"

"I just got here last night. You—don’t seem happy to see me?"

"It is rather I who should ask the question. Are you glad to see me?"

"It’s actually me who should be asking the question. Are you happy to see me?"

There was a dryness in her tone which grated on Hubert's ears.

There was a dryness in her tone that annoyed Hubert.

"This is a case in which diplomacy is required. I wonder what there's been between them." Aloud he remarked, "Can you not forget and forgive?"

"This is a situation where we need diplomacy. I wonder what has happened between them." He said, "Can you not let it go and forgive?"

"Cecil, do you mean it?" She glanced behind her as if in sudden agitation. "I cannot stop now. Meet me in the garden after dinner."

"Cecil, do you really mean it?" She looked over her shoulder, a bit panicked. "I can’t stop now. Meet me in the garden after dinner."

She was gone before he even had a ghost of a chance of feeling his way.

She was gone before he even had a chance to figure things out.



CHAPTER II.

THE SECOND LADY.


"Cecil! Where are you? Here?"

"Cecil! Where are you? Here?"

Hubert, who had been leaning against the wall, came out into the moonlight. The lady stood on the top of the steps. The moon shone full upon her. It lit up the glory of her red-gold hair. She was clad in full evening dress. Her little opera cloak, which had slipped off her shoulders, revealed, rather than concealed, her magnificent proportions. Hubert, eying her critically from below, told himself that she was certainly a "oner!"

Hubert, who had been leaning against the wall, stepped into the moonlight. The lady stood at the top of the steps. The moon illuminated her. It highlighted the beauty of her red-gold hair. She was dressed in a full evening gown. Her small opera cloak, which had fallen off her shoulders, showcased, rather than hid, her stunning figure. Hubert, looking at her critically from below, thought to himself that she was definitely a "stunner!"

"I am afraid I am late. I hope you haven't been waiting long."

"I’m sorry I’m late. I hope you haven't been waiting too long."

"Nothing to speak of. Just time enough to enjoy a cigar--and to dream of you."

"Nothing much. Just enough time to enjoy a cigar—and to dream of you."

"Cecil! For shame! Is it damp? I have only my thin shoes on."

"Cecil! How embarrassing! Is it wet? I'm just wearing my thin shoes."

She held one out in evidence. Hubert liked the look of it.

She held one out as proof. Hubert liked the way it looked.

"It is as dry as tinder; just the night for lovers."

"It’s as dry as kindling; perfect night for romance."

"I really think it is." She came down the steps. "How glorious!" Laying her hand upon his arm, she looked into his eyes with her big ones. "As you say, it is just the night for lovers."

"I really think it is." She descended the steps. "How amazing!" Placing her hand on his arm, she gazed into his eyes with her big ones. "As you said, it's just the night for lovers."

They began to stroll. She spoke--

They started to walk. She said—

"It seems strange, after all that has passed between us, that you and I should be walking here together."

"It feels strange, considering everything that’s happened between us, that you and I are walking here together."

"It does seem strange." It certainly did.

"It definitely seems strange." It really did.

"After all the hard things you have thought and said of me." There was a pause. She looked down, speaking softly. "Call me by my pet name."

"After everything tough you’ve thought and said about me." There was a pause. She looked down, speaking softly. "Call me by my nickname."

He slightly started. But he was not the sort of man to remain long at a loss. As he turned to her and answered, in his voice there was a ring of passionate intensity.

He flinched a little. But he wasn't the type of guy to stay confused for long. As he turned to her and replied, his voice had a tone of passionate intensity.

"Tell me by what name to call you!"

"Tell me what name I should use for you!"

"Call me Angel."

"Just call me Angel."

"Angel! My angel of love! My angel of all good things!"

"Angel! My love angel! My angel of everything good!"

"Cecil!"

"Cecil!"

Their lips met in a kiss. As they did so, he told himself that if she was Cecil's idea of an angel, she wasn't his. But she was certainly a "oner." He wondered if she had been christened "Angel" Danvers. What a weapon with which to chastise a wife!

Their lips touched in a kiss. As that happened, he reminded himself that if she was Cecil's idea of an angel, she wasn't his. But she was definitely a "oner." He wondered if she had been named "Angel" Danvers. What a weapon to use against a wife!

"Cecil, let us understand each other. You are not trifling with me again?"

"Cecil, let's make sure we understand each other. You're not messing with me again, are you?"

"Need you ask?" This time he was fairly startled. "I am afraid that after all which has passed between us, I need----"

"Do you really need to ask?" This time he was quite taken aback. "I'm afraid that after everything that's happened between us, I need----"

"You do mean to make me your wife?"

"You really intend to make me your wife?"

"Make you my wife? Good heavens! What do you suppose I mean?"

"Make you my wife? Oh my gosh! What do you think I mean?"

"Then you do not believe I cheated?"

"So you don’t think I cheated?"

"Cheated!"

"Cheated!"

"Then you do not believe that man? You don't believe the lies they said of me?"

"Then you don't believe that man? You don't believe the lies they told about me?"

"Never for one single instant."

"Not for a single moment."

His outspoken denial seemed to take her aback.

His blunt denial seemed to surprise her.

"Then, if you didn't believe it, why--but never mind! Cecil, it would be useless to pretend to you that I have been the best of women, but I swear that I will be a good wife to you until I die."

"Then, if you don't believe it, why--but forget it! Cecil, it would be pointless to pretend that I've been the best woman, but I promise that I will be a good wife to you until I die."

"My own," he murmured. To himself he said, "There seems to have been a good deal more romance about this little affair of Cecil's than I supposed."

"My own," he whispered. To himself, he thought, "There’s a lot more romance in this little situation with Cecil than I realized."

Her manner changed.

Her attitude changed.

"Let us talk of something else! Let us talk of you. Tell me of yourself, my love!"

"Let's discuss something different! Let's talk about you. Tell me about yourself, my love!"

"Well," said Hubert, the ever-ready, "for the moment I am in rather an awkward predicament."

"Well," said Hubert, always prepared, "at the moment I'm in a bit of an awkward situation."

"What is it?"

"What's that?"

"The fact is"--he looked her straight in the face, and never turned a hair--"my remittances seem to have all gone wrong. I am landed here with empty pockets."

"The fact is," he looked her right in the eye and didn't flinch, "my money transfers seem to have all messed up. I'm stuck here with empty pockets."

She laughed. "Let me be your banker, will you?"

She laughed. "How about I be your banker, okay?"

"With pleasure."

"Glad to."

"I'm quite rich, for me. I've got a heap of money in my purse, if I can only find it." She found it, after long seeking. "How much would you like--twenty pounds?"

"I'm pretty wealthy, at least for me. I've got a lot of cash in my purse, if I can just locate it." She found it after searching for a while. "How much would you like—twenty pounds?"

"Thank you."

"Thanks."

"Should I make it thirty?"

"Should I make it 30?"

"If you could make it thirty."

"If you could make it thirty."

Some bank-notes changed hands. He thrust them into his waistcoat-pocket, telling himself that that was something on account at any rate.

Some banknotes exchanged hands. He shoved them into his waistcoat pocket, reminding himself that at least that was something on account.

"Now, your remittances must make haste and come. Thirty pounds is nothing to you; it is a deal to me. Now I am destitute."

"Now, you need to send the money quickly. Thirty pounds is no big deal for you; it means a lot to me. Right now, I'm in a really tough spot."

She held out her purse for him to see. It still contained a couple of bank-notes and some gold.

She showed him her purse. It still had a few bills and some coins inside.

"I suppose you couldn't manage to spare the rest?" he said.

"I guess you couldn't find a way to give the rest?" he said.

"You greedy thing! I can scarcely believe you are the Cecil Buxton I used to know--he would never have condescended to borrow thirty pounds from me. Do you know, it isn't only that you are nicer, but, somehow, even your manner and your voice seem different."

"You greedy thing! I can hardly believe you’re the Cecil Buxton I used to know—he would never have stooped to borrow thirty pounds from me. You know, it’s not just that you’re nicer, but somehow, even your demeanor and your voice seem different."

"Do you think so?" They were standing under the shadow of a tree. He leaned back against the tree. "By the way, I have been remiss. I ought to have inquired after your mother."

"Do you really think so?" They stood in the shade of a tree. He leaned against the trunk. "By the way, I've been neglectful. I should've asked about your mom."

"My mother?" She started.

"My mom?" She started.

"I see your names are bracketed in the visitors' book together."

"I see your names are both in the visitors' book."

"Our names bracketed in the visitors book together! You are dreaming!"

"Our names are together in the visitor's book! You must be dreaming!"

"I saw them there--Mrs. and Miss Danvers."

"I saw them there—Mrs. and Miss Danvers."

"Mrs. and Miss Danvers! Cecil! what do you mean?"

"Mrs. and Miss Danvers! Cecil! What are you talking about?"

It was his turn to stare. Her manner had all at once become quite singular.

It was his turn to stare. Her behavior had suddenly become quite unusual.

"What do you mean? Isn't your mother with you?"

"What do you mean? Isn’t your mom with you?"

"Cecil, are you making fun of me?"

"Cecil, are you joking with me?"

Hubert felt that, in some way, he was putting his foot in it--though he did not quite see how.

Hubert felt that, in some way, he was making a mistake--though he didn't quite understand how.

"Nothing is further from my thoughts than to make fun of you. But when I saw Mrs. Danvers' name in the visitors' book----"

"Nothing is further from my mind than to make fun of you. But when I saw Mrs. Danvers' name in the visitor log----"

"Whose name?"

"Whose name is it?"

"When I saw Mrs. and Miss Danvers there as large as life----"

"When I saw Mrs. and Miss Danvers there, as real as can be----"

The lady moved a step away from him. All at once she became, as it were, a different woman entirely.

The lady stepped back from him. Suddenly, she seemed like a completely different woman.

"I see that you are the same man after all. The same Mr. Cecil Buxton. The same cold, calculating, sneering cynic. Only you happen to have broken out in another place. I presume you have been having a little amusement at my expense on a novel plan of your own. But this time, my friend, you have gone too far. You have asked me, in so many words, to be your wife--I dare you to deny it! You have borrowed money--I dare you to deny that too! I am not so unprotected as you may possibly imagine. I took the precaution to wire this morning for a friend. You will marry me, or we shall see!"

"I see you're still the same guy after all. The same Mr. Cecil Buxton. The same cold, calculating, sneering cynic. You’ve just showed up in another place. I guess you’ve been having a bit of fun at my expense with some new scheme of yours. But this time, my friend, you’ve gone too far. You’ve asked me, in no uncertain terms, to be your wife—I dare you to deny it! You’ve borrowed money—I dare you to deny that too! I’m not as defenseless as you might think. I took the precaution of wiring for a friend this morning. You will marry me, or we’ll see what happens!"

The lady swept him a splendid curtsey, and--walked off. He was so taken aback by the sudden change in her deportment that he made not the slightest attempt to arrest her progress. He stared after her, in the moonlight, open-eyed and open-mouthed.

The lady gave him a graceful curtsy and walked away. He was so surprised by the sudden shift in her behavior that he didn't even try to stop her. He stared after her in the moonlight, wide-eyed and mouth agape.

"Well----! I've done something, though I don't know what. And I've done it somehow, though I don't know how. Cecil ought to be grateful to me for ridding him of her. They'd never have been happy together, I'll stake my life on it. Hallo! Who's this? More adventures!"

"Well! I’ve done something, but I’m not sure what. And I’ve done it somehow, but I don’t know how. Cecil should be thankful to me for freeing him from her. They would have never been happy together, I’d bet my life on it. Hey! Who’s this? More adventures!"

There was a rustling behind him. He turned. Someone came out of the shadow of the tree. It was a young girl. She was clad in a plain black silk dinner dress. A shawl was thrown over her shoulders. He could see that she had brown hair and pleasant features. She addressed to him a question which surprised him.

There was a rustling behind him. He turned. Someone stepped out from the shadow of the tree. It was a young girl. She was wearing a simple black silk dinner dress. A shawl was draped over her shoulders. He could see that she had brown hair and nice features. She asked him a question that caught him off guard.

"Who is that woman?" she asked.

"Who is that woman?" she asked.

She pointed after the rapidly retreating "Angel" with a gesture which was almost tragic. He raised his hat.

She pointed after the quickly disappearing "Angel" with a gesture that felt almost tragic. He tipped his hat.

"I beg your pardon? I don't think I have the pleasure----"

"I’m sorry? I don’t think we’ve met----"

She paid no attention to his words.

She ignored what he mentioned.

"Who is that woman?" she repeated.

"Who is that woman?" she asked again.

"Which woman?"

"Which girl?"

"That woman?"

"That lady?"

"Really I--I think there's some mistake----"

"Honestly, I think there's been a mistake----"

To his amazement she burst into a passion of tears. "Cecil, don't speak to me like that--don't! don't! don't!"

To his surprise, she started crying intensely. "Cecil, don’t talk to me like that—don’t! Don’t! Don’t!"

Hubert stared. The young lady dropped her hands from before her face. She looked at him with streaming eyes.

Hubert stared. The young woman lowered her hands from her face. She looked at him with tears streaming down her cheeks.

"Who is that woman? Tell me! I've been longing for your coming, thinking of all that I should say to you, wishing that the minutes were but seconds--and you've been here all the time! You must have come hours before you told me that your train was due. What is the meaning of it all?"

"Who is that woman? Tell me! I've been waiting for you, thinking of everything I wanted to say, wishing the minutes would fly by like seconds—and you've been here the whole time! You must have arrived hours before you told me your train was coming. What does it all mean?"

"That is precisely what I should like to know."

"That's exactly what I want to know."

"I came out here that I might be alone before our meeting. I heard the sound of voices, and I thought that one of them was yours--I could not believe it. I listened. I heard you talking to that woman. I saw her kiss you. Oh, Cecil! Cecil! my heart is broken!"

"I came out here to be alone before our meeting. I heard voices, and I thought one of them was yours—I couldn't believe it. I listened. I heard you talking to that woman. I saw her kiss you. Oh, Cecil! Cecil! my heart is shattered!"

She tottered forward, all but falling into Hubert's arms. He tried to soothe her. Sotto voce he told himself that Cecil had more romance in his nature than he had given him credit for. His complications in the feminine line appeared to be worthy of the farces at the Palais Royal. In the midst of her emotion, the young lady in his arms continued to address him.

She stumbled forward, almost collapsing into Hubert's arms. He attempted to calm her down. Quietly he reminded himself that Cecil had more romantic tendencies than he had realized. His troubles with women seemed fit for one of those plays at the Palais Royal. In the middle of her distress, the young woman in his arms kept talking to him.

"Why--did you--tell me--you were coming--by one train--when--all the time--you must have meant--to come by another. I--have your letter here----"

"Why did you tell me you were coming by one train when all along you must have meant to come by another? I have your letter here..."

From the bosom of her dress she drew an envelope. Hubert made a dash at it.

From the neckline of her dress, she pulled out an envelope. Hubert lunged for it.

"My letter? Permit me for an instant!"

"My letter? Just give me a moment!"

With scant ceremony he took it from her hand. He glanced at the address--recognising Cecil's well-known writing.

With little formality, he took it from her hand. He glanced at the address—recognizing Cecil's familiar handwriting.

"Miss--Miss Danvers! Are you--are you--Miss Danvers?"

"Miss Danvers! Are you Miss Danvers?"

The girl shrank from him. Her tears were dried. Her face grew white. "Cecil!" she exclaimed.

The girl recoiled from him. Her tears had dried up. Her face turned pale. "Cecil!" she said.

"Forgive me if my question seems a curious one, but--are you Miss Danvers?"

"Sorry if my question sounds a bit odd, but--are you Miss Danvers?"

The girl shrank away still more. Her face grew whiter. She spoke so faintly her words were scarcely audible.

The girl pulled back even more. Her face turned paler. She spoke so softly that her words were barely heard.

"Cecil! Give me back my letter, if you please!"

"Cecil! Please give me back my letter!"

He handed her back her envelope. "Miss Danvers, I entreat you----"

He gave her back her envelope. "Miss Danvers, I beg you----"

But the look of scorn which was on her face brought even Hubert to a standstill. As he hesitated, she "fixed him with her eyes." He had seldom felt so uncomfortable as he did just then. He seemed to feel himself growing smaller simply because of the scorn which was in her glance.

But the expression of contempt on her face caused even Hubert to stop in his tracks. As he hesitated, she "locked her gaze on him." He rarely felt as uneasy as he did at that moment. It felt like he was shrinking just from the disdain in her look.

"Good evening, Mister Buxton."

"Good evening, Mr. Buxton."

She slightly inclined her head--and was gone. Hubert stared after her dumfounded. When he did recover the faculty of speech he hardly knew what use to make of it.

She tilted her head just a bit—and then she was gone. Hubert stared after her in shock. When he finally regained his ability to speak, he barely knew what to say.

"Well--I've done it! If she's Miss Danvers--who is 'Angel?' Cecil will thank me for the treat which I'm preparing for him. I knew this fatal likeness would dog me to the grave. Why was I born a twin?"

"Well—I’ve done it! If she's Miss Danvers—who is 'Angel?' Cecil will thank me for the surprise I’m getting ready for him. I knew this annoying resemblance would follow me to my grave. Why was I born a twin?"

He strolled slowly toward the building. As he entered the hall a lady was coming along the corridor. At sight of him she quickened her pace. She advanced to him with outstretched hands. She was a lady of perhaps forty years of age.

He walked slowly toward the building. As he entered the hall, a woman was coming down the corridor. When she saw him, she picked up her pace. She approached him with her hands outstretched. She appeared to be around forty years old.

"Cecil!" she cried.

"Cecil!" she shouted.

But Hubert was not to be caught with salt. He had had enough, for the present, of Cecil and--of Cecil's feminine friends. Ignoring her outstretched hands, he slightly raised his hat.

But Hubert wasn't about to fall for it. He had had enough, for now, of Cecil and her female friends. Ignoring her outstretched hands, he slightly tipped his hat.

"Pardon me, you have the advantage of me, Madame."

"Pardon me, but you know more than I do, ma'am."

The lady seemed bewildered. She stared at him as if she could not believe her eyes and ears. The door through which Hubert had just entered from the grounds was re-opened at his back. A figure glided past him. It was the young girl from whom he had just parted--in not too cordial a manner. She went straight to the lady, slipping her arm through hers.

The lady looked utterly confused. She stared at him as if she couldn't believe what she was seeing and hearing. The door that Hubert had just walked through from outside swung open behind him. A figure glided past him. It was the young girl he had just left--and not in a very friendly way. She went straight to the lady, linking her arm through hers.

"Mamma, Mr. Buxton has declined to acknowledge my acquaintance as he declined to acknowledge yours. I think I can give you a sufficient reason for his doing so, if you will come with me, dear mother."

"Mama, Mr. Buxton has refused to recognize my acquaintance just like he refused to recognize yours. I believe I can give you a good reason for his behavior, if you’ll come with me, dear mother."

"Hetty!" murmured the elder woman, still plainly at a loss.

"Hetty!" murmured the older woman, clearly still confused.

"Come!" said the girl. They went, leaving Hubert to stare.

"Come on!" said the girl. They left, leaving Hubert to stare.

"Well--I've gone one better! That's Mrs. Danvers, I presume. So I've contrived to insult the mother and the daughter too. Cecil will shower blessings on my head. Who can that Angel be?"

"Well—I've done even better! That must be Mrs. Danvers. So I've managed to insult both the mother and the daughter. Cecil will be praising me for this. Who could that Angel be?"

As he was about to follow the ladies along the corridor, someone touched him on the arm. Turning, he saw that a stranger in a black frock coat stood at his side.

As he was about to walk after the ladies down the hallway, someone tapped him on the arm. Turning, he saw that a stranger in a black coat was standing next to him.

"What were you saying to those ladies?" this person asked.

"What were you telling those ladies?" this person asked.

"What the deuce is that to do with you? And who the devil are you?"

"What the heck does that have to do with you? And who the heck are you?"

"It has this to do with me, that I am the manager of this hotel, and that it is sufficiently obvious that your presence is objectionable to those ladies. Moreover, under existing circumstances, it is objectionable to me. It is a rule of this hotel that accounts are paid weekly. You have been here more than three weeks, and your first week's bill is yet unpaid. You have made sundry promises, but you have not kept them. I don't wish to have any unpleasantness with you, sir, but I regret that I am unable to accommodate you with a bed, in this hotel, to-night."

"It concerns me because I manage this hotel, and it's clear that your presence is unwelcome to those ladies. Additionally, given the circumstances, it's also unwelcome to me. This hotel has a policy that bills must be paid weekly. You've been here for over three weeks, and your first week's bill is still unpaid. You've made several promises, but haven't followed through on them. I don't want any trouble with you, sir, but unfortunately, I cannot provide you with a bed in this hotel tonight."

Hubert felt a trifle wild. He was capable of that feeling now and then. As they were advancing in one direction, two gentlemen, a tall and a short one, were advancing towards them in the other. They were coming to close quarters. Hubert was conscious that the manager's outspoken observations could not be altogether inaudible to the approaching strangers. So he rode as high a horse as he conveniently could.

Hubert felt a bit wild. He was capable of that feeling now and then. As they moved in one direction, two men, one tall and one short, were coming toward them from the other side. They were getting close. Hubert realized that the manager's loud comments couldn't have gone completely unheard by the approaching strangers. So he tried to stand as tall as he could.

"As for your bill, I will see it hanged first. As for your insolence, I will report it to your employers. As for myself, I shall only be too glad to go at once."

"As for your bill, I'll make sure it gets dealt with first. As for your disrespect, I'll report it to your bosses. As for me, I'll be more than happy to leave right away."

One of the approaching strangers--the tall one--suddenly standing still, placed himself in front of Hubert in such a way as to bar his progress. With the finger tips of his right hand he tapped him lightly on the chest.

One of the approaching strangers—the tall one—suddenly stopped, positioning himself in front of Hubert to block his way. He lightly tapped him on the chest with the tips of his right fingers.

"Not just at once, dear Buxton, not just at once. Not before you have said a few words to me."

"Not all at once, dear Buxton, not all at once. Not before you’ve said a few words to me."

"And to me," said the short man, who stood beside his taller companion. Hubert looked from one to the other.

"And to me," said the short man, standing next to his taller friend. Hubert glanced back and forth between them.

"And pray who may you be?" he inquired.

"And may I ask who you are?" he asked.

"You do not know me?" asked the big stranger.

"You don't know me?" asked the big stranger.

"Nor me?" echoed the little one.

"Not me?" echoed the little one.

"But it does not matter. Perhaps you have a bad memory, my dear Buxton."

"But it doesn't matter. Maybe you just have a bad memory, my dear Buxton."

The big man's manner was affable. He turned to the manager. "You must excuse us for one moment, we have just a word to say to our friend Buxton. Here is our little private sitting-room most convenient--just a word."

The big guy seemed friendly. He turned to the manager. "Please excuse us for a moment; we just need to speak to our friend Buxton. This little private room here is perfect—just a quick chat."

Before Hubert had altogether realised the situation, the big man had thrust his arm through his, and drawn him into a sitting-room which opened off the corridor from the left. When they were in, the big man locked the door--he not only locked the door, but in an ostentatious manner he pocketed the key.

Before Hubert fully understood what was happening, the big man had pushed his arm through his and pulled him into a sitting room that opened off the corridor on the left. Once they were inside, the big man locked the door—not only did he lock it, but he also dramatically pocketed the key.



CHAPTER III.

THE UNFORTUNATE RESULT OF BEING A TWIN.


"So, Mr. Buxton, you don't know me?"

"So, Mr. Buxton, you don't recognize me?"

"Nor me?"

"Not me?"

The larger stranger stood against the door. The lesser one, who appeared to be acting as echo, leaned against a table. He began, with a slightly overacted air of carelessness, to roll a cigarette. There was something about this little man which Hubert did not like at all. He was a short, wiry individual, with long, straight black hair, hollow, sallow, shaven cheeks, high projecting cheek-bones, and a pair of small black eyes, which he had a trick of screwing up until only the pupils could be seen. His personal attractions were not enhanced by a huge mole which occupied a conspicuous place in the middle of his left cheek. But if he liked the appearance of the small man little, it was not because he liked the appearance of the tall man more. This was a great hulking fellow, with sandy whiskers and moustache, and a manner which, in spite of its greasy insinuation, Hubert felt was distinctly threatening.

The larger stranger stood by the door. The smaller one, who seemed to be playing the role of a sidekick, leaned against a table. He started to roll a cigarette with an exaggerated air of nonchalance. There was something about this little guy that Hubert really didn’t like. He was short and wiry, with long, straight black hair, sunken, pale cheeks, high cheekbones, and a pair of small black eyes that he had a habit of squinting so only the pupils were visible. His looks weren’t helped by a huge mole that stood out in the middle of his left cheek. But if Hubert didn’t like the way the small man looked, it wasn’t because he liked the tall man any better. This guy was a big, hulking figure with sandy whiskers and a mustache, and even though his manner had a slimy undertone, Hubert felt it was definitely threatening.

"Is it really possible, Mr. Buxton, that I have had the misfortune to escape your memory?"

"Is it really possible, Mr. Buxton, that I've had the bad luck to slip your mind?"

"And me?"

"And me?"

Hubert glanced from one to the other. That the little man was a foreigner, probably an Italian, he made up his mind at once. As to the nationality of the big man he was not so sure. He had had dealings with some strange people in his time, both at home and abroad. But he could not recollect encountering either of these gentlemen before.

Hubert looked back and forth between them. He quickly decided that the little man was a foreigner, likely Italian. As for the big guy, he wasn't so certain about his nationality. He had dealt with some unusual people in his time, both at home and abroad, but he couldn't remember having met either of these guys before.

"I do not remember having ever seen either of you."

"I don’t remember ever having seen either of you."

"Oh, you do not remember?" The big man came a step nearer. "You do not remember that pleasant evening in that little room at Nice?"

"Oh, you don't remember?" The big man took a step closer. "You don't remember that nice evening in that cozy room in Nice?"

"You do not remember slapping my face?" quickly exclaimed the little man, suddenly slapping his own right cheek with startling vigour.

"You don't remember hitting my face?" the little man exclaimed quickly, suddenly slapping his own right cheek with surprising intensity.

"You do not remember accusing me of cheating you at cards?"

"You don't remember accusing me of cheating you at cards?"

"You do not remember placing an insult on me! on me! on me?"

"You don’t remember insulting me? Me? Me?"

All at once, abandoning the process of manufacturing his cigarette, the little man came and placed himself in even uncomfortable proximity to Hubert's person. "My friend, my cheek is burning to this very hour."

All of a sudden, stopping what he was doing to roll his cigarette, the small man came over and stood uncomfortably close to Hubert. "My friend, my cheek is burning even now."

Hubert did not like the look of things at all. He was sure he had never seen these men before.

Hubert didn't like how things looked at all. He was sure he had never seen these guys before.

"I understand the position exactly. You are doing what people constantly are doing--you are mistaking me for my brother."

"I completely get where you're coming from. You're doing what people often do—you’re confusing me with my brother."

"Mistaking you for your brother? I am mistaking you for your brother?"

"Mistaking you for your brother? Am I really confusing you with your brother?"

"And me!" cried the little man, again saluting his own cheek smartly. "You liar!"

"And me!" shouted the little man, again patting his own cheek smartly. "You liar!"

The big man's manner was insulting. Hubert felt he must resent it.

The big guy was being rude. Hubert thought he should be offended.

"How dare you----"

"How dare you!"

But the sentiment died down into his boots as the big man came at him with a sudden ferocity which seemed to cause the beating of his heart to cease.

But the feeling faded away as the big man charged at him with a sudden intensity that made his heart feel like it stopped.

"How dare I! You dare to speak a word to me. Liar! I will kill you where you stand."

"How dare I! You have the nerve to say anything to me. Liar! I’ll take you out right here."

"As for me," remarked the short man, affably, "I have this, and this." From one recess in his clothing he took a revolver. From another, a long, glittering, and business-like, if elegant, knife.

"As for me," said the short man, friendly, "I have this, and this." From one pocket in his clothes, he pulled out a revolver. From another, a long, shiny, and practical, yet elegant, knife.

"All these years I have not been able to make up my mind if I will shoot you like a dog, or stick you like a pig--which you are."

"All these years I haven't been able to decide if I should shoot you like a dog or stab you like a pig—which is what you are."

"Gentlemen," explained Hubert, with surprising mildness, "I assure you you are under a misapprehension. The likeness between my brother and myself is so striking that our most intimate friends mistake one for the other."

"Gentlemen," Hubert said calmly, "I assure you that you’re mistaken. The resemblance between my brother and me is so strong that even our closest friends confuse us for one another."

"For whom, then, did my sister mistake you this morning and to-night?"

"For whom, then, did my sister confuse you this morning and tonight?"

A light flashed upon Hubert's brain. "You mean Angel?"

A light went off in Hubert's mind. "You mean Angel?"

"You call her Angel! He calls her Angel!"

"You call her Angel! He calls her Angel!"

"I hear," observed the little man.

"I hear," said the little man.

"If you will allow me to explain!"

"Let me explain!"

The big man made a gesture of refusal. But the little man caught him by the arm. "Let the liar speak," he said.

The big guy shook his head. But the little guy grabbed his arm. "Let the liar talk," he said.

The big man, acting on his friend's advice, let the--that is, he let Hubert speak. Availing himself of the courteously offered permission, Hubert did his best to make things clear.

The big guy, taking his friend's advice, let Hubert speak. Taking advantage of the polite offer, Hubert did his best to clarify things.

"I am not--as I would have told you before if you would have let me--I am not Cecil, but Hubert Buxton." The big man made another gesture. Again the little man restrained him. "We are twins. All our lives it has been difficult to tell one from the other. Of recent years, I understand, the resemblance between us has grown even greater. But the likeness is only skin deep. Cecil is the elder by, I believe, about thirty seconds. He is a rich man, and I am a poor man--bitterly poor."

"I’m not—like I would’ve told you earlier if you had let me—I’m not Cecil, but Hubert Buxton." The big man gestured again. Once more, the little man held him back. "We’re twins. All our lives, it’s been hard to tell us apart. Recently, I hear the resemblance between us has become even stronger. But it’s just surface-level. Cecil is older by, I think, about thirty seconds. He’s wealthy, and I’m broke—really broke."

The big man spoke. "And you dare to tell me that you have been making love to my sister under a false name? Very good, I have killed a man for less. But I will not kill you--not yet----Is your handwriting as much like your brother's as you are?"

The big man spoke. "And you think you can tell me that you've been seeing my sister using a fake name? That's bold. I've killed a man for less. But I won't kill you—not yet. Is your handwriting as much like your brother's as you are?"

"My fist is like Cecil's."

"My fist is like Cecil's."

"So! Sit down." Hubert sat down. "Take that pen." He took the pen. He dipped it in the ink. "Write, 'I promise to marry----'"

"So! Sit down." Hubert sat down. "Grab that pen." He took the pen. He dipped it in the ink. "Write, 'I promise to marry----'"

"What's the good of my promising to marry anyone? Don't I tell you that I'm without a sou with which to bless myself?"

"What's the point of me promising to marry anyone? Don't you see that I'm completely broke?"

"Write, my friend, what I dictate. 'I promise to marry----'" Hubert wrote it--"'Marian Philipson Peters----'"

"Write, my friend, what I say. 'I promise to marry----'" Hubert wrote it--"'Marian Philipson Peters----'"

"And who the----something is Marian Philipson Peters?"

"And who the heck is Marian Philipson Peters?"

"Marian Philipson Peters--Mrs. Philipson Peters, is my sister."

"Marian Philipson Peters—Mrs. Philipson Peters, is my sister."

It seemed to be a tolerably prosaic paraphrase of "Angel." Hubert, if the expression of his features could be trusted, appeared to think so.

It seemed like a pretty ordinary rewording of "Angel." Hubert, if his expression was anything to go by, looked like he thought the same.

"And what possible advantage does your sister propose to derive from my promising, either in black and white or in any other way, to marry her? Does the lady propose to pay my debts, or to provide me with an income?"

"And what possible benefit does your sister think she’ll get from me promising, in writing or any other way, to marry her? Is she planning to pay off my debts or give me an income?"

"Attend to me, my friend--write what I dictate." The big man laid his hand on Hubert's shoulder with an amount of pressure which might mean much--or more! Hubert looked up. The pressure increased. "Write it."

"Listen to me, my friend—write what I say." The big man placed his hand on Hubert's shoulder with a pressure that could mean a lot—or more! Hubert glanced up. The pressure intensified. "Write it."

The little man was standing on the other side of the unwilling scribe. He had his revolver in one hand, his knife in the other. "Write it!" he said.

The small man was standing on the other side of the hesitant scribe. He had a revolver in one hand and a knife in the other. "Write it!" he said.

Up went Hubert's shoulders--he wrote it. The big man continued his dictation.

Up went Hubert's shoulders—he wrote it. The big man kept dictating.

"'Within three months after date.'"

"Within three months from today."

"What on earth----"

"What on earth?"

"Write--'Within three months after date.'"

"Write—'Within three months from date.'"

"Oh, I'll write anything. I'll promise to marry her within three minutes--to oblige you."

"Oh, I'll write anything. I’ll even promise to marry her in three minutes—just to make you happy."

The big man examined what Hubert had written.

The large man looked over what Hubert had written.

"Very like!--very like indeed. So like Cecil Buxton's handwriting that I plainly perceive, my friend, that you are the prince of all the liars. Now sign it." He arrested Hubert's hand. "Sign it--'Cecil Buxton.'"

"Very much like!—very much like indeed. So similar to Cecil Buxton's handwriting that I can clearly see, my friend, that you are the ultimate liar. Now sign it." He stopped Hubert's hand. "Sign it—'Cecil Buxton.'"

Hubert glanced up. He dropped his pen. "Now I see!"

Hubert looked up. He dropped his pen. "Now I get it!"

"Pick up that pen."

"Grab that pen."

"With pleasure." He picked it up.

"Sure thing." He picked it up.

"Sign it--'Cecil Buxton."'

"Sign it—'Cecil Buxton.'"

The big man spoke in a tone of voice which could not, truthfully, be described as friendly.

The big man spoke in a tone that definitely couldn't be called friendly.

"In other words--commit forgery."

"Basically, commit forgery."

The tall man turned to the short one.

The tall man turned to the short one.

"Eugene, who is to use your revolver? Is it you or I? I swear to you that if this scoundrel, this contemptible villain, does not make all the reparation to my sister that is in his miserable power, I will blow his brains out as he is sitting here."

"Eugene, who's going to use your revolver? Is it you or me? I promise you that if this jerk, this despicable villain, doesn’t do everything he can to make things right for my sister, I will shoot him right here while he’s sitting."

The short man smiled--not pleasantly.

The short man smiled unkindly.

"Leave to me, my friend, that sacred duty--the sacred duty of being executioner. I have long had a little grudge of my own against Mr. Cecil Buxton. I have one of those little insults to wipe out which can only be wiped out by--blood. I have not doubted all the time that this is Mr. Cecil Buxton. I doubt it still less now that I have seen him write."

"Leave this sacred duty to me, my friend—the sacred duty of being the executioner. I've held a personal grudge against Mr. Cecil Buxton for a long time. There’s one of those little insults I need to erase, and it can only be erased through—blood. I never doubted that this is Mr. Cecil Buxton. I’m even more certain now that I’ve seen him write."

"I swear to you----"

"I promise you----"

The big man cut Hubert uncivilly short. He repeated his command. "Sign it--'Cecil Buxton.'"

The big guy interrupted Hubert rudely. He restated his command. "Sign it—'Cecil Buxton.'"

Hubert looked from one face to the other. He was conscious--painfully conscious!--that his was not a pleasant situation. He saw murder on the short man's face. He did not like the look of his revolver. He held it far too carelessly. That he was the sort of man who would entertain no kind of conscientious scruple against shooting him, to use his own words, like a dog, he felt quite certain.

Hubert looked from one face to another. He was keenly aware—painfully aware!—that he was in a bad situation. He saw murder in the short man's expression. He didn't like how carelessly he handled his revolver. Hubert was certain that this was the type of guy who wouldn’t hesitate to shoot him, in his own words, like a dog.

"Let me say one word?" he pleaded.

"Can I say just one thing?" he begged.

The big man refused him even that grace. "Not one!"

The big guy wouldn't even give him that. "Not a chance!"

While Hubert hesitated, the pen between his fingers, there came a rapping at the door.

While Hubert hesitated, the pen in his fingers, there was a knock at the door.



CHAPTER IV.

THE ARRIVAL OF THE OTHER TWIN.


The cause of that rapping at the door was this.

The reason for that knocking at the door was this.

Cecil Buxton arrived by the train by which he had informed Miss Danvers, by letter, that he would arrive. Hastily seeing his luggage on to a cab, he drove off to the hotel. In the hall he encountered a porter.

Cecil Buxton arrived on the train he had told Miss Danvers about in a letter. Quickly loading his luggage into a cab, he headed to the hotel. In the lobby, he ran into a porter.

The porter greeted him in rather a singular manner, scarcely as hotel porters are wont to greet arriving guests.

The porter greeted him in a rather unusual way, hardly like hotel porters typically greet arriving guests.

"What! Back again!" Cecil stared, as, under the circumstances, any man would stare. "This won't do, you know. I know all about it--you've been chucked. My orders is, not let you into the place again."

"What! You're back!" Cecil stared, as any guy would in this situation. "This isn't okay, you know. I know all about it—you've been kicked out. My orders are to not let you in here again."

"My good man," said Cecil, fully believing that what he said was true, "you're drunk."

"My good man," said Cecil, completely convinced that what he said was true, "you're drunk."

Just then a lady came down the staircase. He recognised her--recognised her well. He rushed towards her.

Just then, a woman came down the stairs. He recognized her—he knew her very well. He hurried toward her.

"Hetty!" he cried.

"Hetty!" he shouted.

The lady gave a start, but not the sort of start he had reason, and good reason, to expect. She turned, she looked at him--with scornful eyes. She drew back, seeming to remove her very gown from any risk of personal contact.

The lady jumped a bit, but not in the way he had good reason to expect. She turned and looked at him—with a scornful gaze. She stepped back, as if to keep her gown away from any chance of touching him.

"I half expected to see you at the station. Hetty, what--what's the matter?"

"I kind of expected to see you at the station. Hetty, what--what's wrong?"

The lady said nothing, but she looked at him--and she walked away, her head held very high in the air.

The woman didn’t say a word, but she glanced at him and walked away with her head held high.

"Now you've got to come out of this!" The porter who had followed him across the hall laid his hand upon his shoulder. Cecil swung round. And he not only swung round, but he swung the porter off, and that with a degree of vigour which possibly took that official by surprise.

"Now you've got to snap out of this!" The porter who had followed him across the hall put his hand on his shoulder. Cecil turned around. And not only did he turn around, but he also shrugged off the porter with a force that likely surprised him.

"Remove your hand!" he cried.

"Take your hand off!" he cried.

There was a moment's pause, and during that moment's pause another lady came down the stairs. The bewildered Cecil rushed to her.

There was a brief pause, and during that brief pause, another woman came down the stairs. The confused Cecil hurried over to her.

"Mrs. Danvers, has everybody gone mad? What is the matter with Hetty?" There was no mistake about it this time. The lady was so desirous that none of her garments should come into contact with Cecil that, the better to draw them away from him, she clutched her skirts with both her hands. She spoke--

"Mrs. Danvers, has everyone lost their minds? What's wrong with Hetty?" There was no doubt about it this time. The lady was so eager to keep her clothes away from Cecil that, to do so better, she held her skirts tightly with both hands. She spoke--

"How dare you, sir, address yourself to me?" She turned to the porter with an air of command. "Desire this person to stand out of my way."

"How dare you, sir, speak to me?" She turned to the porter with an authoritative look. "Ask this person to get out of my way."

And she swept off, Cecil staring at her like a man in a dream.

And she walked away, Cecil staring at her like he was in a dream.

"Well, sir?" Cecil turned. A decently-attired, and even gentlemanly, individual was standing at his side. "Have you returned to pay your bill?"

"Well, sir?" Cecil turned. A well-dressed, even gentlemanly, person was standing next to him. "Have you come back to settle your bill?"

Cecil looked him up and down. In his appearance he noted no signs of insanity, nor of intoxication either.

Cecil examined him from head to toe. In his appearance, he saw no signs of madness or intoxication either.

"Are you the manager of this establishment?"

"Are you the manager of this place?"

"You know very well that I am. Pray don't let's have any nonsense."

"You know I'm not. Please, let's not have any nonsense."

"Allow me to give you my card." Cecil handed him his "pasteboard." "I left Paris last night. I have been travelling all day. I arrived five minutes ago in your hotel. What is the meaning of the treatment which has been accorded me?"

"Let me give you my card." Cecil handed him his card. "I left Paris last night. I've been traveling all day. I just arrived five minutes ago at your hotel. What’s the reason for the treatment I've received?"

The manager regarded him with a smile which scarcely came within the definition of a "courteous smile."

The manager looked at him with a smile that barely qualified as a "courteous smile."

"You are certainly a character."

"You're definitely a character."

"Explain yourself."

"Clarify your reasoning."

"Surely not much explanation is required. It is only a few minutes ago since I informed you that your presence in this establishment could no longer be permitted, and now you favour me with this amazing story."

"Surely not much explanation is needed. It was only a few minutes ago that I told you your presence in this place could no longer be allowed, and now you’re giving me this unbelievable story."

Cecil started forward. A new light came into his eyes.

Cecil moved ahead. A new spark lit up his eyes.

"Has anyone been staying here resembling me?"

"Has anyone been staying here that looks like me?"

"So much resembling you that we shall be obliged if you will pay his bill, which lies, unpaid, on the cashier's desk."

"So much like you that we would appreciate it if you could settle his bill, which is currently unpaid at the cashier's desk."

Cecil gave an exclamation--not of pleasure.

Cecil exclaimed—not in delight.

"By Jove! It's Hubert! I see it all! He has been up to some of his infernal tricks with Hetty and her mother! If he has!" He turned upon the manager, "Where is he?"

"Wow! It's Hubert! I get it now! He's been pulling some of his sneaky tricks with Hetty and her mom! If he has!" He spun around to the manager, "Where is he?"

The manager hesitated.

The manager paused.

"Where is who? You are standing here. When I last saw you, you were entering a private sitting-room with two gentlemen who happened to have a particular desire for your society."

"Where is everyone? You are right here. The last time I saw you, you were walking into a private sitting room with two guys who seemed really interested in spending time with you."

"Where is this sitting-room?"

"Where is this living room?"

"I will show you if you really don't know." The manager led the way--still smiling. Cecil went after him. As they moved along a corridor, into which the manager turned, they came upon a lady who was standing outside one of the sitting-rooms, and who, not to put too fine a point on it, seemed listening at the door. Her back was turned towards them as they advanced. It was only when they were quite close to her that she seemed to become conscious of their approach. When she arrived at such a state of consciousness she sprang up--she had been stooping a good deal forward before--and sprang round. She was in evening dress. A fine, tall, generously proportioned woman, with big bright eyes, and red-gold hair, she was Hubert's "oner"--"Angel." As her glance fell upon Cecil she gave a start--a most melodramatic start--so melodramatic a start that she bumped herself, quite unintentionally, but with considerable force, against the wall.

"I'll show you if you really don't know." The manager led the way, still smiling. Cecil followed him. As they walked down a corridor, where the manager turned, they encountered a lady standing outside one of the sitting rooms, who, to put it bluntly, seemed to be eavesdropping. Her back was turned to them as they approached. It wasn't until they were quite close that she appeared to notice them. When she did, she straightened up—having been leaning forward—and quickly turned around. She was in evening attire. A tall, curvy woman with big bright eyes and red-gold hair, she was Hubert's "oner"—"Angel." When her gaze landed on Cecil, she jolted—such a dramatic reaction that she accidentally bumped into the wall with quite a bit of force.

"You!" she exclaimed.

"You!" she said.

Cecil, on his part, appeared to recognise the lady.

Cecil seemed to recognize the woman.

"You!" he said--without any appearance of undue deference in his manner.

"You!" he said—without showing any unnecessary respect in his manner.

His arrival on the scene seemed to have thrown the lady into a state of really curious agitation. She stood with her back against the wall, staring at him as if he were a ghost. She positively trembled.

His arrival seemed to throw the lady into a state of really strange agitation. She stood with her back against the wall, staring at him as if he were a ghost. She was actually trembling.

"How--how did you get out?" she asked--speaking in a sort of gasp.

"How—how did you get out?" she asked, gasping a little.

"I was never in." Cecil turned to the manager. "It's a little complicated, but I think that I begin to understand the situation." He turned to the lady. He pointed to the sitting-room, outside which she was standing. "Who is in there?"

"I was never in." Cecil turned to the manager. "It's a bit complicated, but I think I'm starting to get the situation." He turned to the lady and pointed to the sitting room, outside of which she was standing. "Who's in there?"

Angel did not answer. Leaning forward, she rapped with her knuckles against the panel of the door.

Angel didn’t reply. Leaning forward, she knocked on the door panel with her knuckles.



CHAPTER V.

THE TWINS CONFRONT EACH OTHER.


When there came that rapping at the door, Hubert started back.

When the knocking at the door came, Hubert jumped back.

"Who's that?" he cried.

"Who is that?" he cried.

The big man still retained his grasp on Hubert's shoulder. He tightened it.

The big guy still held onto Hubert's shoulder. He squeezed it tighter.

"Never mind who it is. Sign that paper."

"Forget about who it is. Just sign that paper."

There was a voice without. "Open the door!"

There was a voice outside. "Open the door!"

Hubert slipped from the man's grasp. He sprang to his feet. He threw the pen from him on to the floor. "It's Cecil!"

Hubert broke free from the man's hold. He jumped to his feet. He tossed the pen away onto the floor. "It's Cecil!"

The two men looked at him. He looked at them. Again there was the voice without. "Open the door!"

The two men stared at him. He stared back at them. Once more, there was the voice from outside. "Open the door!"

"It's Cecil! It's my brother! Now you will see if I lied."

"It's Cecil! It's my brother! Now you'll see if I was lying."

In Hubert's manner there was positively something approaching an air of triumph. The associates exchanged glances. The big man addressed himself again to Hubert.

In Hubert's demeanor, there was definitely something like an air of victory. The others exchanged looks. The big guy turned to Hubert again.

"Look here, my friend, you will sign that paper."

"Listen, my friend, you're going to sign that paper."

He moved a step forward. Hubert grasped the back of a chair.

He took a step forward. Hubert grabbed the back of a chair.

"You touch me! By George! I'll smash you!"

"You touch me! Seriously! I'll crush you!"

The big man hesitated. Hubert seemed to have gained a sudden access of energy. He continued to address his companions in a strain which was distinctly not pacific. "You couple of cowardly curs! You get me into a room, you lock the door, you come at me, the pair of you, with a revolver and a knife, when you know that I haven't got so much as a toothpick in my pocket! Why, you miserable brutes, I'll smash you both!"

The big man paused. Hubert appeared to have suddenly energized. He kept talking to his friends in a way that was clearly not peaceful. "You two cowardly dogs! You trap me in a room, lock the door, and come at me with a gun and a knife, even though you know I don’t have so much as a toothpick in my pocket! You pathetic losers, I'm going to take you both down!"

Hubert brandished the chair about his head. The big man still hesitated. The shorter gentleman addressed this inquiry to his friend, "Shall I shoot him? Shall I put six shots into his carcass--shall I?"

Hubert waved the chair over his head. The big man still hesitated. The shorter guy asked his friend, "Should I shoot him? Should I put six bullets in him—should I?"

Hubert did not wait to hear the other's answer. He turned to the door. "Cecil! Cecil! break down the door. The brutes will murder me! Break down the door!"

Hubert didn't wait for a response. He turned towards the door. "Cecil! Cecil! Break down the door. They’ll kill me! Break down the door!"

These words, uttered with the full force of Hubert's lungs, seemed to create, as was not unnatural, some sensation without. Several voices were heard speaking together. There was a loud knocking at the door. Someone said, evidently not Cecil, "Open the door immediately! I am the manager of the hotel! Open at once!"

These words, spoken with all of Hubert's strength, seemed to create, as was expected, some commotion outside. Several voices were heard talking at once. There was a loud knock on the door. Someone said, clearly not Cecil, "Open the door right now! I’m the hotel manager! Open it immediately!"

The associates looked at each other. The clamour without seemed to mean business. Hubert had slipped from their control. If they were not careful their friendly little interview might be disagreeably interrupted. The shorter man shrugged his shoulders right up to his ears.

The associates glanced at each other. The noise outside seemed serious. Hubert had escaped their grasp. If they weren't careful, their friendly little chat could be unpleasantly interrupted. The shorter man shrugged his shoulders all the way up to his ears.

"What is the use? You had better open the door. What is the use of playing a losing game too far?" Then, to Hubert, "With you, my friend, I will settle some other time."

"What’s the point? You should just open the door. What’s the point of playing a losing game for too long?" Then, to Hubert, "I’ll deal with you later, my friend."

"And I," chimed in the big man, playing the part of echo for once.

"And I," added the big guy, acting as the echo for once.

"I don't care that," Hubert snapped his fingers in the air, "for either, or both of you, you curs!"

"I don't care about that," Hubert snapped his fingers in the air, "for either of you, or both, you losers!"

The comrades still hesitated--they probably resented the alteration in the young gentleman's demeanour. But the clamour at the door continued. The big man, doubtless perceiving that the position was becoming desperate, took the key out of his pocket. He unlocked the door. As he did so, his companion's weapons disappeared into the hidden recess of his apparel. The moment the door was opened Hubert advanced.

The buddies still hesitated—they probably didn’t like the change in the young man's attitude. But the noise at the door kept on. The big guy, realizing the situation was getting urgent, took the key out of his pocket. He unlocked the door. As he did this, his friend’s weapons vanished into a hidden part of his clothing. The moment the door opened, Hubert moved forward.

"Cecil! so it is you. Now, gentlemen, you will be able to see if I lied. These gentlemen, Cecil, are friends of yours, not of mine. I have never seen them before to-night. You appear to have offended them. They have been endeavouring to visit your offence on me. I cannot congratulate you on your acquaintance. That little scoundrel there, who appears to be an Italian bravo, has a knife in one pocket, and a revolver in the other. He would have murdered me if you had delayed your appearance on the scene."

"Cecil! So it really is you. Now, gentlemen, you can see if I was lying. These gentlemen, Cecil, are your friends, not mine. I have never seen them before tonight. It seems you’ve offended them. They’ve been trying to take out their anger on me. I can’t say I’m impressed with your circle of acquaintances. That little scoundrel over there, who looks like an Italian thug, has a knife in one pocket and a revolver in the other. He would have killed me if you hadn’t shown up when you did."

"Bah!" Again the little man's shoulders went up to his ears. "It was but a little game."

"Ugh!" The little man's shoulders lifted up to his ears again. "It was just a silly game."

"And was this a little game?"

"And was this just a little game?"

Hubert snatched up the paper, the unsigned promise of marriage, from the table on which it was lying; he held it out in front of him. The big man, in his turn, snatched it from his grasp. He tore it into minute shreds. While Hubert still was staring, a lady advanced. It was Angel.

Hubert grabbed the unsigned marriage proposal off the table and held it in front of him. The big man snatched it from his hands and tore it into tiny pieces. While Hubert was still in shock, a woman approached. It was Angel.

"So, all the time you were amusing yourself at my expense. You are a charming person. Where are my thirty pounds?"

"So, all that time you were having fun at my expense. You really are a charming person. Where's my thirty pounds?"

Hubert was not at all embarrassed. He twirled his moustache.

Hubert wasn't embarrassed at all. He twirled his mustache.

"Cecil, this lady appears to be a friend of yours. Where are her thirty pounds?"

"Cecil, this woman seems to be a friend of yours. Where are her thirty pounds?"

Cecil stepped up to him. "What confounded tricks have you been up to?"

Cecil approached him. "What crazy tricks have you been up to?"

Hubert's air of injured innocence was, in its way, superb.

Hubert's demeanor of being wronged was, in its own way, impressive.

"Cecil, this is too much; too much! In mistake for you I have been insulted, all but murdered, and all"--he turned to the assembled company--"and all, upon my word of honour, because I was so unfortunate as to have been born a twin."

"Cecil, this is too much; way too much! I've been insulted, almost killed, all because of you, and all—" he turned to the gathered crowd— "and all, I swear on my honor, because I was unlucky enough to be born a twin."





A VISION OF THE NIGHT.


CHAPTER I.

ASLEEP.


"Charlie, do you believe in dreams?"

"Charlie, do you believe in dreams?"

It was in the great hall of the Pouhon spring at Spa. The band was playing. The motley crowd which gathers in the season at Spa to drink, or not to drink, the waters, were talking, smoking, drinking coffee, something stronger, looking at the papers, or listening to the music. Among the crowd were Gerald Lovell and his friend Charles Warren. At the particular moment in which Mr. Lovell put his question, Mr. Warren was puffing rings of cigarette smoke into the air.

It was in the grand hall of the Pouhon spring at Spa. The band was playing. The diverse crowd that gathers during the season at Spa to drink, or not drink, the waters was chatting, smoking, sipping coffee, something stronger, reading the papers, or listening to the music. Among the crowd were Gerald Lovell and his friend Charles Warren. At the exact moment when Mr. Lovell asked his question, Mr. Warren was blowing rings of cigarette smoke into the air.

"Ask me," he said, with distinct irreverence, "another."

"Ask me," he said, with clear disrespect, "for another."

"A queer thing happened to me last night."

"A strange thing happened to me last night."

"If you have any malicious intention of inflicting on me a dream, young man, there'll be a row. I have an aunt who dreams. She's a dreaming sort. She's always dreaming. And she tells her dreams--such dreams! Ye Goths! At the mere mention of the word 'dreams' the nightmare figure of my aunt rises to my mind's eye. So beware."

"If you have any plans to mess with me using a dream, young man, there'll be trouble. I have an aunt who dreams. She's always lost in her dreams. And she talks about them—what dreams they are! Goodness! Just hearing the word 'dreams' brings the nightmare image of my aunt to mind. So watch out."

"But I'm not sure that this was a dream. Anyhow, just listen."

"But I'm not sure this was a dream. Anyway, just listen."

"If I must!" said Mr. Warren. And he sighed.

"If I have to!" Mr. Warren said, letting out a sigh.

"I dreamt that a woman kissed me!"

"I dreamed that a woman kissed me!"

"If I could only dream such a thing. Some men have all the luck."

"If only I could dream of such a thing. Some guys have all the luck."

"The queer thing was, that it was so real. I dreamt that a woman came into my room. She came to my bedside. She stood looking down upon me as I slept. Suddenly she stooped and kissed me. That same instant I awoke. I felt her kiss still tingling on my lips. I could have sworn that someone had just kissed me. I sat up in bed and called out to know if anyone was there. I got up and lit the gas and searched the room. There was nothing and no one."

"The weird thing was that it felt so real. I dreamt that a woman entered my room. She came to my bedside and looked down at me as I slept. Suddenly, she bent down and kissed me. In that same moment, I woke up. I could still feel her kiss tingling on my lips. I could have sworn someone had just kissed me. I sat up in bed and called out to see if anyone was there. I got up, turned on the gas, and searched the room. There was nothing and no one."

"It was a dream!"

"It was a dream!"

"If it was, it was the most vivid dream I remember to have heard of; certainly the most vivid dream I ever dreamt. I saw the woman so distinctly, and her face, as she stooped over me, with laughter in her eyes. To begin with, it was the most beautiful face I ever saw, and hers were the most beautiful eyes. The whole thing had impressed me so intensely that I took my sketch-book and made a drawing of her then and there. I have my sketch-book in my pocket--here is the drawing."

"If it was, it was the most vivid dream I've ever heard of; definitely the most vivid dream I've ever had. I saw the woman so clearly, her face as she leaned over me, with laughter in her eyes. To start, it was the most beautiful face I've ever seen, and her eyes were the most stunning. The whole experience left such a strong impression on me that I took out my sketchbook and drew her right then and there. I have my sketchbook in my pocket—here's the drawing."

Mr. Lovell handed his open sketch-book to his friend. It was open at a page on which was a drawing of a woman's face. When Mr. Warren's eyes fell on this drawing, he sat up in his chair with a show of sudden interest.

Mr. Lovell handed his open sketchbook to his friend. It was open to a page featuring a drawing of a woman's face. When Mr. Warren saw this drawing, he straightened up in his chair, clearly intrigued.

"Gerald! I say! You'll excuse my saying so, but I didn't think you were capable of anything so good as this. Do you know that this is the best drawing of yours I have ever seen, young man?"

"Gerald! I have to say! I hope you don't mind me saying this, but I didn't think you could create something this great. Do you realize that this is the best drawing of yours I've ever seen, young man?"

"I believe it is."

"I think it is."

"It looks to me--I don't want to flatter you; goodness knows you've conceit enough already!--but it looks to me as though it were a genuine bit of inspiration."

"It seems to me—I don't want to flatter you; God knows you're already full of yourself!—but it looks to me like a genuine burst of inspiration."

"Joking apart, it seems to me almost as if it were an inspiration."

"Joking aside, it feels really like it was a burst of inspiration."

"I wish an inspiration of the same kind would come to me. I'd be considerably grateful--even for a nightmare. Do you know what I should do with this? I should use it for a picture."

"I wish I could get inspired in the same way. I’d be pretty grateful—even for a nightmare. Do you know what I would do with this? I’d turn it into an artwork."

"I thought of doing something of the kind myself."

"I was thinking about doing something like that myself."

"Just a study of a woman's face. And you might call it--the title would be apposite--'A Vision of the Night!'"

"Just a study of a woman's face. And you might call it—the title fits perfectly—'A Vision of the Night!'"

"A good idea. I will."

"Sounds good. I'll do it."

And Mr. Lovell did. When he returned to his Chelsea studio, he chose a moderate-sized canvas, and he began to paint on it a woman's face--just a woman's face, and nothing more. She was looking a little downwards, as a woman might look who was about to stoop to kiss someone lying asleep in bed--say a sleeping child--and she glanced from the canvas with laughing eyes. Mr. Warren came in to look at it several times while it was progressing. When it was finished, he regarded it for some moments in silent contemplation.

And Mr. Lovell did. When he got back to his Chelsea studio, he picked a medium-sized canvas and started painting a woman's face—just a woman's face, nothing more. She was looking slightly downward, like a woman who was about to lean down to kiss someone sleeping in bed—like a sleeping child—and she looked out from the canvas with playful eyes. Mr. Warren came in to check it out several times while he was working on it. Once it was finished, he stared at it for a few moments in quiet thought.

"I call that," he declared, sententiously, with what he supposed, perhaps erroneously, to be a Yankee twang, "a gen-u-ine work of art. I do. The thing. Young man, if you forward that, with your compliments, or without 'em, to the President, Fellows, and Associates of the Royal Academy, I'll bet you five to one it's hung!"

"I call that," he said with a serious tone, trying to sound like a true New Englander, "a genuine work of art. I really do. That piece. Young man, if you send that, with or without your compliments, to the President, Fellows, and Associates of the Royal Academy, I’ll bet you five to one it gets displayed!"

His prediction was verified--it was hung. It was the first of Mr. Lovell's pictures which ever had been hung--which made the fact none the less gratifying to Mr. Lovell. It was hung very well, too, considering. And it attracted quite a considerable amount of attention in its way. It was sold on the opening day. That fact was not displeasing to Mr. Lovell.

His prediction was confirmed—it was hung. This was the first of Mr. Lovell's paintings that had ever been displayed, which made the accomplishment all the more satisfying for him. It was also hung quite nicely, all things considered. It drew quite a bit of attention in its own right. It was sold on opening day. That news was pleasing to Mr. Lovell.

One morning, about the middle of June, a card was brought in to Mr. Lovell, while he was working in his studio. On it was inscribed a name--Vicomte d'Humières. The card was immediately followed by its owner, a tall, slightly built gentleman; unmistakably a foreigner. He saluted Mr. Lovell with a bow which was undoubtedly Parisian.

One morning, around the middle of June, a card was delivered to Mr. Lovell while he was working in his studio. It had the name inscribed on it—Vicomte d'Humières. The card was soon followed by its owner, a tall, slim man; clearly a foreigner. He greeted Mr. Lovell with a distinctly Parisian bow.

"Mr. Gerald Lovell?"

"Mr. Gerald Lovell?"

The accent was French, but, for a Frenchman, the English was fair.

The accent was French, but for a French guy, the English was pretty good.

"I am Gerald Lovell."

"I'm Gerald Lovell."

"Ah! That is good! You are a gentleman, Mr. Lovell, whom I particularly wish to see." The stranger had been carrying his stick in one hand and his hat in the other. These he now deposited upon one chair; himself he placed upon a second--uninvited. He crossed his legs. He folded his black gloved hands in front of him. "I believe, Mr. Lovell, that we are not strangers--you and I."

"Ah! That's great! You're a gentleman, Mr. Lovell, and I'm really glad to see you." The stranger had been holding his stick in one hand and his hat in the other. He set them down on one chair and took a seat on another—without being invited. He crossed his legs and placed his black-gloved hands in front of him. "I believe, Mr. Lovell, that you and I are not strangers."

Mr. Lovell glanced at the card which he still was holding.

Mr. Lovell looked at the card he was still holding.

"You are the Vicomte d'Humières?"

"Are you the Vicomte d'Humières?"

"I am."

"I'm here."

"I am afraid--it is unpardonable remissness on my part; but I am afraid that, if I have ever had the pleasure of meeting you before, it is a pleasure which has escaped my memory."

"I’m sorry—it’s completely my fault; but I’m afraid that, if I’ve ever had the pleasure of meeting you before, it’s a pleasure I can’t remember."

"It is not that we have ever met before--no, it is not that. It is my name to which you are not a stranger."

"It’s not that we’ve ever met before—no, it’s not that. It’s my name that you’re familiar with."

Mr. Lovell glanced again at the card. "Your name? I am afraid, Vicomte, that I do not remember having ever heard your name before."

Mr. Lovell looked at the card again. "Your name? I'm sorry, Vicomte, but I don't think I've ever heard your name before."

"Ah! Is that so?" The stranger regarded his polished boots. He spoke as if he were addressing himself to them. "Is it possible that she can have given another name? No, it is not possible. She is capable of many things. I do not believe she is capable of that." He looked up again at Mr. Lovell. "My business with you, Mr. Lovell, is of rather a peculiar kind. You will think, perhaps, that mine is rather a singular errand. I have come to ask you to acquaint me with the residence of my wife."

"Ah! Is that so?" The stranger looked down at his polished boots, talking as if he were addressing them. "Could it be that she has given another name? No, that can’t be true. She’s capable of many things, but I don’t believe she could do that." He looked up at Mr. Lovell again. "Mr. Lovell, my business with you is quite unusual. You might think my request is rather strange. I’ve come to ask you to tell me where my wife lives."

"With the--did you say, with the--residence of your wife?"

"With the—did you say, with the—home of your wife?"

"That is what I said. I have come to ask you to acquaint me with the residence of my wife." The artist stared.

"That's what I said. I've come to ask you to tell me where my wife lives." The artist stared.

"But, so far as I am aware, I do not know your wife."

"But as far as I know, I don't know your wife."

"That is absurd. I do not say, Mr. Lovell, that you are conscious of the absurdity. But still--it is absurd--I was not aware that you were acquainted with my wife until I learned the fact, this morning, at your Academy."

"That's ridiculous. I'm not saying, Mr. Lovell, that you realize how ridiculous it is. But still—it's ridiculous—I didn't know you knew my wife until I found out this morning at your Academy."

"At our Academy?"

"At our Academy?"

"Precisely. Upon the walls of your Academy of Painting, Mr. Lovell."

"Exactly. On the walls of your Academy of Painting, Mr. Lovell."

Mr. Lovell began to wonder if his visitor was not an amiable French lunatic.

Mr. Lovell started to think that his guest might be a friendly French crazy person.

"Is that not rather a singular place in which to learn such a fact?"

"Isn't that a pretty unique place to learn such a fact?"

"It is a singular place. It is a very singular place, indeed. But that has nothing to do with the matter. It is as I say. You have a picture, Mr. Lovell, at the Academy?"

"It’s a unique place. It really is a unique place. But that doesn’t change the situation. It is as I mentioned. You have a painting, Mr. Lovell, at the Academy?"

"I have."

"I've."

"It is a portrait."

"It's a portrait."

"Pardon me, it is not a portrait."

"Pardon me, that's not a portrait."

"Pardon me, Mr. Lovell, in my turn; it is a portrait. As a portrait, it is a perfect portrait. It is a portrait of my wife."

"Pardon me, Mr. Lovell, but I must say it is a portrait. As a portrait, it’s a perfect portrait. It’s a portrait of my wife."

"Of your wife! You are dreaming!"

"About your wife! You must be dreaming!"

"You flatter me, Mr. Lovell. Is it that you suppose I am an imbecile? Are not the features of a wife familiar to a husband? Very good. I am the husband of my wife. Your picture, Mr. Lovell, is a portrait of my wife."

"You’re flattering me, Mr. Lovell. Do you think I’m an idiot? Aren’t the traits of a wife well-known to her husband? Very well. I am my wife’s husband. Your painting, Mr. Lovell, is a portrait of my wife."

"I cannot but think you have mistaken some other picture for mine. Mine is a simple study of a woman's face. It is called 'A Vision of the Night.'"

"I can't help but think you've confused my picture with someone else's. Mine is a straightforward study of a woman's face. It's titled 'A Vision of the Night.'"

"Precisely. And 'A Vision of the Night'--is my wife."

"Exactly. And 'A Vision of the Night'—that's my wife."

"It is impossible!"

"That's impossible!"

"Do I understand you to say, Mr. Lovell, of a thing which I say is so--that it is impossible?"

"Are you saying, Mr. Lovell, that something I describe as true is actually impossible?"

The Vicomte rose. His voice had a very significant intonation. Mr. Lovell resented it.

The Viscount stood up. His voice had a very strong tone. Mr. Lovell took offense at it.

"I do not know, Vicomte, that I am called upon to explain to you. But, in face of your remarkable statement, I will volunteer an explanation. I saw the face, which I have painted, in a dream."

"I don't know, Vicomte, why I'm being asked to explain myself to you. But, considering your surprising statement, I’ll offer an explanation. I saw the face that I've painted in a dream."

"Indeed; is that so? What sort of dream was it in which you saw my wife's face, Mr. Lovell?"

"Really? Is that true? What kind of dream was it where you saw my wife's face, Mr. Lovell?"

The young man flushed. The stranger's tone was distinctly offensive.

The young man blushed. The stranger's tone was clearly rude.

"It was in a dream which I dreamt last August, at Spa."

"It was in a dream I had last August at Spa."

"Ah! This is curious. At what hotel were you stopping last August at Spa?"

"Wow! That's interesting. Which hotel were you staying at last August in Spa?"

"At the Hôtel de Flandre--though I don't know why you ask."

"At the Hôtel de Flandre—though I’m not sure why you’re asking."

"So! We approach a point at last. Last August, my wife and I, we were at Spa. We stayed, my wife and I, at the Hôtel de Flandre. It was at the Hôtel de Flandre my wife left me. I have never seen her since. Perhaps, Mr. Gerald Lovell, you will be so good as to inform me what sort of dream it was in which you saw my wife's face, at the Hôtel de Flandre, last August, at Spa?"

"So! We finally reached a point. Last August, my wife and I were at Spa. We stayed at the Hôtel de Flandre. That’s where my wife left me. I haven't seen her since. Maybe, Mr. Gerald Lovell, you could kindly tell me what kind of dream it was in which you saw my wife's face at the Hôtel de Flandre last August in Spa?"

Mr. Lovell hesitated. He perceived that caution was advisable. He felt that if he entered into minute particulars of his dream, there might be a misunderstanding with the Vicomte. So he temporized--or he endeavoured to.

Mr. Lovell hesitated. He realized that being cautious was a good idea. He sensed that if he went into detail about his dream, there might be a misunderstanding with the Vicomte. So he stalled—or at least he tried to.

"I have already told you that I saw the face in my picture in a dream. It is the simple fact--that I have no other explanation to offer."

"I already mentioned that I saw the face in my picture in a dream. That's just the plain truth—I have no other explanation to give."

"Is that so?"

"Really?"

"That is so."

"That's true."

"Very good, so far, Mr. Gerald Lovell. I thought it possible that you might have some explanation of this kind to offer. I was at the Academy with a friend. When I perceived my wife's portrait on the walls, and that it was painted by a Mr. Gerald Lovell, I said to my friend: 'I will go to this Mr. Lovell, and I will ask him, among other things, who authorized him to exhibit my wife's portrait in the absence of her husband, in a place of public resort, as if it were an advertisement.' My friend proposed to accompany me. But I said: 'No. I will go, first of all, alone. I will see what sort of explanation Mr. Gerald Lovell has to offer. If it is not a satisfactory explanation, then we will go together, you and I.' I go to seek my friend, Mr. Lovell. He is not very far away. Shortly we will return. Then I will request, of your courtesy, an explanation of that very curious dream in which you saw my wife's face at the Hôtel de Flandre. Mr. Lovell, I wish you, until then, good day."

"Very good, so far, Mr. Gerald Lovell. I thought you might have some explanation for this. I was at the Academy with a friend. When I saw my wife's portrait on the wall, painted by a Mr. Gerald Lovell, I told my friend, 'I’m going to speak to this Mr. Lovell and ask him, among other things, who gave him permission to display my wife's portrait in public without her husband being present, as if it were an advertisement.' My friend offered to come with me, but I said, 'No. I’ll go alone first. I want to see what kind of explanation Mr. Gerald Lovell has. If it’s not satisfactory, then you and I will go together.' I’m off to find my friend, Mr. Lovell. He’s not too far away. We’ll be back soon. Then I’ll ask you for an explanation of that strange dream you had where you saw my wife's face at the Hôtel de Flandre. Mr. Lovell, until then, have a good day."

The Vicomte withdrew, with the same extremely courteous salutation with which he had entered. The artist, left alone, looked at his visitor's card, which he still retained in his hand, with a very puzzled expression of countenance.

The Vicomte left, giving the same extremely polite greeting with which he had arrived. The artist, now alone, stared at the visitor's card he still held in his hand, wearing a very puzzled expression.

"If the Vicomte d'Humières returns, it strikes me there'll be a little interesting conversation."

"If the Vicomte d'Humières comes back, I think there will be some interesting conversation."

He laid down the card. He resumed the work which had been interrupted. But the work hung fire. A painter paints, not only with his hand, but with his brain. Mr. Lovell's brain was, just then, preoccupied.

He set the card down. He got back to the work that had been interrupted. But the work stalled. A painter paints not just with their hands, but with their mind. Mr. Lovell's mind was, at that moment, distracted.

"It was a dream. And yet, as I told Warren at the time, it certainly was the most vivid dream I ever dreamt." Deserting his canvas he began to move about the room. "Supposing it wasn't a dream, and the woman was a creature of flesh and blood! Then she must have come into my room, and kissed me while I slept. I'll swear that someone kissed me. By Jove! the Vicomte won't like to be told a tale like that! As he says, a man ought to know his own wife's face when he sees it, even in a portrait. And if the picture is a portrait of his wife, then it was his wife who came into my room--and kissed me. But whatever made her do a thing like that? There's no knowing what things some women will do. I rather fancy that I ought to have made a few inquiries before I took it for granted that it was nothing but a dream. They would have been able to tell me at the hotel if the original of my dream had been staying there. As it is, unless I mind my P's and Q's, I rather fancy there'll be a row."

"It was a dream. And yet, as I told Warren back then, it was definitely the most vivid dream I ever had." Leaving his canvas, he started to move around the room. "What if it wasn't just a dream, and the woman was real? Then she must have come into my room and kissed me while I was asleep. I’m convinced that someone kissed me. Seriously! The Vicomte won't be happy if he hears a story like that! As he says, a man should recognize his own wife's face, even in a portrait. And if the picture is a portrait of his wife, then it was definitely her who came into my room—and kissed me. But what on earth would make her do something like that? You never know what some women might do. I think I should have asked a few questions before assuming it was just a dream. They could have told me at the hotel if the real person from my dream had been staying there. As it stands, if I’m not careful, I have a feeling there’ll be a big scene."

"Pardon!--may I enter?"

"Excuse me! Can I come in?"

Mr. Lovell was standing with his back to the door. The inquiry, therefore, was addressed to him from behind. The voice in which it was uttered was feminine, and the accent foreign. The artist turned--and stared. For there, peeping through the partly open door, was the woman of his dream! There could not be the slightest doubt about it. Although the head was covered with the latest thing in Parisian hats, there was no mistaking, when one once had seen it--as he had seen it--that lovely face, those laughing eyes. He stared--and gaped. The lady seemed to take his silence to imply consent. She advanced into the room.

Mr. Lovell was standing with his back to the door. So, the question was directed at him from behind. The voice that spoke was feminine and had a foreign accent. The artist turned around and stared. There, peeking through the partly open door, was the woman of his dreams! There was no doubt about it. Even though her head was covered with the latest Parisian hat, it was unmistakable—once he had seen it, he recognized that beautiful face and those sparkling eyes. He stared in shock. The lady seemed to interpret his silence as agreement and stepped further into the room.

"You are Mr. Gerald Lovell?"

"Are you Mr. Gerald Lovell?"

As she came into the room, he perceived that she was not only most divinely fair, but most divinely tall. Her figure, clad in the most recent coquetries of Paris, was the most exquisite thing in figures he had lately seen. So completely had she taken his faculties of astonishment by storm, that he could only stammer a response.

As she walked into the room, he noticed that she was not just incredibly beautiful, but also exceptionally tall. Her figure, dressed in the latest styles from Paris, was the most stunning he had seen in a while. She had so completely overwhelmed him with her beauty that he could only stammer in reply.

"You are the painter of my portrait?" For the life of him, he knew not what to say. "But, if you are Mr. Gerald Lovell, it is certain that you are. Besides, I see it in your face. There is genius in your eyes. Mr. Lovell, how am I to thank you for the honour you have done me?" Moving to him, she held out to him her hand. He gave her his. She retained it--or, rather, part of it--in her small palm. "If I am ever destined to attain to immortality, it is to your brush it will be owing. Monsieur, permit me to salute the master!"

"You’re the one who painted my portrait?" He couldn't think of a thing to say. "But if you are Mr. Gerald Lovell, then it must be true. Besides, I can see it in your face. There’s genius in your eyes. Mr. Lovell, how can I thank you for this honor you’ve given me?" She moved closer and extended her hand to him. He took hers. She held on to it—part of it, really—in her small palm. "If I ever achieve immortality, it will be thanks to your talent. Sir, let me show my respect to the master!"

Before he had an inkling of her intention, she raised his hand and touched it with her lips. He withdrew it quickly.

Before he had any idea of what she was planning, she grabbed his hand and kissed it. He pulled it back quickly.

"Madame!"

"Ma'am!"

She exhibited no signs of discomposure.

She showed no signs of being unsettled.

"I was at your Academy, with a friend--not half an hour ago. I beheld miles of mediocrity. Suddenly I saw--my face! my own face! glancing at me from the walls! Ah, quel plaisir! But my face--how many times more lovely! How many times more beautiful! My face--depicted by the hand of a great artist! by the brush of a poet, and a genius!--Monsieur, you have placed on me ten thousand obligations."

"I was at your Academy with a friend—like half an hour ago. I saw miles of average work. Suddenly, I spotted—my face! my own face! looking back at me from the walls! Ah, what a pleasure! But my face—how much more beautiful! How much more stunning! My face—captured by the hand of a great artist! by the brush of a poet, and a genius!—Sir, you have put a thousand obligations on me."

She gave him the most sweeping curtsey with which he ever had been favoured--and in her eyes was laughter all the time. He was recovering his presence of mind. He felt that it was time to put a stop to the lady's flow of flowery language. He was about to do so--when a question she put to him again sent half his senses flying.

She gave him the most dramatic curtsy he had ever received—and her eyes were filled with laughter the whole time. He was regaining his composure. He felt it was time to stop the lady's flow of flowery words. He was just about to intervene—when a question she asked again sent half of his senses reeling.

"There is one thing which I wished to ask you, Monsieur. When and where did I sit to you for my portrait? I do not remember to have had the pleasure and the honour of meeting you before." The lady's laughing eyes were fixed intently on his face. "And yet, as I look at you, a sort of shadowy recollection comes to me of a previous encounter; it is very strange! Monsieur, where was it we encountered--you and I?"

"There’s something I wanted to ask you, sir. When and where did I sit for my portrait? I don’t recall having the pleasure and honor of meeting you before." The lady’s laughing eyes were focused intently on his face. "And yet, as I look at you, I have a vague memory of a previous meeting; it’s really strange! Sir, where did we meet—just you and me?"

"Madame!"

"Ma'am!"

Seeing how evidently he was at a loss for words, she put out her hand to him as if to give him courage.

Seeing how clearly he was struggling to find the right words, she extended her hand to him as if to offer him some encouragement.

"Do not be afraid. Tell me--where was it that you saw me?"

"Don't be afraid. Tell me—where did you see me?"

"I saw you in a dream."

"I saw you in a dream."

"A dream? Monsieur! To hear you speak--it is like a poem. Monsieur, where did you dream this dream in which you dreamt of me?"

"A dream? Sir! Hearing you talk is like listening to a poem. Sir, where did you have this dream in which you dreamed of me?"

"It was last year, at Spa."

"It was last year at Spa."

"At Spa--that horrible place?"

"At the spa—that awful place?"

"I did not find it a horrible place."

"I didn't think it was a terrible place."

"No? Was it that dream which you dreamt of me which robbed it of its horror?" He did not speak. He allowed her to infer a compliment, but he did not proffer one. "But Monsieur, I was only at Spa one afternoon and a single night."

"Didn't that dream you had about me take away its horror?" He didn’t respond. He let her think it was a compliment, but he didn’t actually say one. "But sir, I was only at Spa for one afternoon and one night."

"It was that night I dreamed of you."

"It was that night I had a dream about you."

"You dreamed? How? Tell me about this dream."

"You had a dream? How did it go? Tell me about it."

"I dreamed that you came into my room while I was asleep in bed, and kissed me!"

"I dreamed that you came into my room while I was sleeping in bed and kissed me!"

She continued to look at him intently a moment longer, as if she did not realize the full meaning of his words. Then--let us do her justice!--the blood rushed to her face, her cheeks flamed fiery red. With her hands she veiled her eyes. She gave a little cry.

She kept staring at him for a moment longer, as if she didn't fully grasp what he meant. Then—let's give her some credit!—the blood rushed to her face, and her cheeks turned bright red. She covered her eyes with her hands and let out a small gasp.

"Ah, mon Dieu! It was you--I remember. Quelle horreur!"

"Oh my God! It was you--I remember. What a nightmare!"

There was silence. Before she removed her hands from her eyes she turned away. She stood with her back towards him, trifling with a brush which he had placed upon the table. She spoke scarcely above a whisper.

There was silence. Before she took her hands away from her eyes, she turned away. She stood with her back to him, fiddling with a brush that he had set on the table. She spoke barely above a whisper.

"Monsieur, I thought you were asleep."

"Mister, I thought you were asleep."

"I was asleep. I saw you in a dream."

"I was asleep. I dreamed about you."

"Then did--did I wake you?"

"Did I wake you?"

"You must have done. I woke--you must forgive my saying so--with a kiss tingling on my lips." The lady put her hands up to her eyes again. "The dream had been so vivid I could not understand it. I got up to see if anyone was in the room."

"You must have done it. I woke up—please forgive me for saying this—with a kiss tingling on my lips." The woman covered her eyes again. "The dream was so vivid I couldn't make sense of it. I got up to check if anyone was in the room."

"If you had caught me!"

"If you had caught me!"

"There was no one. But so acutely had your face impressed itself on my imagination that I took my sketch-book, and made a drawing of it then and there. In the morning I showed this drawing to a friend. He advised me to use it for a picture I did. That picture is 'A Vision of the Night'!"

"There was nobody around. But your face had made such a strong impression on my mind that I grabbed my sketchbook and drew it right then and there. In the morning, I showed the drawing to a friend. He suggested I use it for a painting I was working on. That painting is 'A Vision of the Night'!"

"It is the most extraordinary thing, Monsieur; you will suppose I am a very peculiar person. It is but a lame explanation I have to offer. Of that I am but too conscious. But such as it is, I entreat that you will suffer me to give it you. Monsieur, I am married"--Mr. Lovell bowed. He did not mention that he was aware of that already--"to the most capricious husband in the world--to a husband whom I love, but whom I cannot respect." Mr. Lovell thought that that was good--from her. "He is a man who is extremely difficile, Monsieur. I do not think you have a word which expresses what I would say in English. He is extremely jealous; he is enraged that his wife should use the eyes which are in her head! The very day on which we arrived at Spa we had a dreadful quarrel. I will not speak of the treatment to which I was subjected; it is enough to say that he locked the door so that I should not leave the room--he wished to make of me a prisoner. Monsieur, directly he was gone, I perceived that there were two doors to the room--the one which he had locked, and another, which I tried I found that it was open. Monsieur, when a prisoner desires to escape, he escapes by any road which offers. I was a prisoner; I desired to escape; I made use of the only road which I could find. I entered the door; I found myself in a room in which there was--how shall I say it?--in which there was a man asleep. Monsieur, it was you!"

"It’s the most extraordinary thing, Monsieur; you might think I’m a very strange person. I have a weak explanation to offer. I’m well aware of that. But still, I ask you to let me share it with you. Monsieur, I’m married”—Mr. Lovell bowed. He didn’t mention that he was already aware of that—“to the most unpredictable husband in the world—a husband I love, but cannot respect.” Mr. Lovell thought that was refreshing—coming from her. “He’s a man who is extremely difficult, Monsieur. I don’t think you have a word in English that captures what I mean. He’s incredibly jealous; he’s furious that his wife dares to use the eyes in her head! The very day we arrived at Spa, we had a terrible fight. I won’t go into the details of how he treated me; it’s enough to say he locked the door so I couldn’t leave the room—he wanted to make me his prisoner. Monsieur, as soon as he left, I realized there were two doors in the room—the one he had locked and another one, which I tested and found was open. Monsieur, when a prisoner wants to escape, they take any way they can. I was a prisoner; I wanted to escape; I used the only way I could find. I went through the door and found myself in a room where there was—how should I put it?—where there was a man asleep. Monsieur, it was you!”

It must be owned that at this point the lady certainly did look down.

It must be acknowledged that at this point the lady definitely looked down.

"I was, that night, in a wicked mood. I glanced at you; I perceived that you were but a boy"--Mr. Lovell flushed: he did not consider himself a boy--"but a handsome boy." She peeped at him with malicious laughter in her eyes. "I regarded myself as your mother, or your sister, or your guardian angel. Monsieur will perceive how much I am the elder." Again, a glance of laughing malice from those bewitching eyes. "I am afraid it is too true that I approached the sleeping lips." There was silence. Then, so softly that her listener was only able to catch the words: "I pray that Monsieur will forgive me."

"I was, that night, in a bad mood. I looked at you and realized you were just a boy." Mr. Lovell blushed; he didn't see himself as a boy. "But a good-looking boy." She winked at him with playful laughter in her eyes. "I thought of myself as your mother, or your sister, or your guardian angel. You can see how much older I am." Again, she gave a teasing glance from those enchanting eyes. "I'm afraid it's true that I leaned in toward your sleeping lips." There was silence. Then, so softly that her listener could barely hear her: "I hope you can forgive me."

"There is nothing for which Madame needs forgiveness."

"There’s nothing Madame needs to be forgiven for."

"Monsieur but says so to give me pleasure. But one thing Monsieur must permit me to observe: If every woman were to be rewarded, as I have been, for what I did, half the women in France would commit--a similar little indiscretion." Mr. Lovell was silent; he did not know exactly what to say. "Monsieur will permit me to regard him, from this day forward, as my friend? Mr. Gerald Lovell, permit me to introduce to you--the Vicomtesse d'Humières!"

"Monsieur says that to please me. But there's one thing I must point out: If every woman were rewarded like I have been for my actions, half the women in France would likely make a similar little mistake." Mr. Lovell was quiet; he wasn't sure how to respond. "Monsieur, may I consider you my friend from this day on? Mr. Gerald Lovell, let me introduce you to--the Vicomtesse d'Humières!"

The lady favoured him with another sweeping curtsey.

The lady gave him another deep bow.

"I have already the pleasure of being acquainted with Madame's name."

"I already have the pleasure of knowing Madame's name."

"From whom did you learn it? From the people at the hotel?"

"Who did you learn it from? The people at the hotel?"

"I but learned it a few minutes before Madame herself came here."

"I only found out a few minutes before Madame herself arrived here."

"So! From whom?"

"So! From who?"

"I learnt it from the Vicomte d'Humières."

"I learned it from the Vicomte d'Humières."

"The Vicomte d'Humières! My husband! Are you acquainted with him, then?"

"The Vicomte d'Humières! My husband! Do you know him?"

"I can scarcely claim to be acquainted with the Vicomte. It seems, Madame, that this has been a morning of coincidences. It would appear that just before Madame perceived my little picture at the Academy, the Vicomte d'Humières perceived it too."

"I can hardly say that I know the Vicomte. It seems, Madame, that this has been a morning full of coincidences. It looks like just before you saw my little painting at the Academy, the Vicomte d'Humières saw it too."

"Truly! But how magnificent!"

"Wow! But how amazing!"

The lady clasped her hands in a little ecstacy.

The lady clasped her hands in a moment of pure joy.

"The Vicomte d'Humières did not seem to consider it magnificent. He took a distinctly contrary view."

"The Viscount d'Humières didn't seem to think it was magnificent. He had a completely different opinion."

"But that is certain!"

"But that's for sure!"

"He requested me to furnish him with your address. When I informed him that I was not acquainted with Madame, he desired to know who had authorized me to send your portrait to a public exhibition. I observed that I was not aware that it was the portrait of Madame, since the face in the picture was but the study of a face which I had seen in a dream."

"He asked me to give him your address. When I told him I didn't know Madame, he wanted to know who had given me permission to send your portrait to a public exhibition. I mentioned that I didn't realize it was Madame's portrait, since the face in the picture was just a study of a face I had seen in a dream."

"In a dream! You did not tell him--the little history?"

"In a dream! You didn’t tell him about the little story?"

"I entered into no particulars."

"I didn't go into details."

"I entreat you, Monsieur, not to tell him the little history. There will be a scandal; he is so quick to misconceive."

"I beg you, sir, not to share that little story with him. There will be a scandal; he is so quick to misunderstand."

"I will endeavour to observe Madame's wishes."

"I will try to respect Madame's wishes."

"It is like a little romance, is it not, Monsieur? Perhaps I should explain myself a little further. That night"--she emphasized the that--"I left my husband. In effect, he had become unbearable. I have seen and heard nothing of him since. But I am beginning to become conscious of a desire to meet with him again. I know not why! I suppose, when one loves one's husband truly, one wishes to meet him--once a year. I do not wish our reconciliation to be inaugurated by a quarrel--no, I entreat you, Monsieur, not recount to him that little history."

"It feels like a little romance, doesn’t it, Monsieur? Maybe I should clarify. That night”—she put stress on the that—“I left my husband. Honestly, he became unbearable. I haven’t seen or heard from him since. But I’m starting to feel a desire to see him again. I don’t know why! I guess when you truly love your husband, you want to see him—at least once a year. I don’t want our reunion to start with a fight—please, I beg you, Monsieur, don’t tell him that little story."

"I should inform Madame that I expect the Vicomte d'Humières to return."

"I should let Madame know that I expect the Vicomte d'Humières to come back."

"Return? Where? Here? When?"

"Return? Where? Here? When?"

"Very shortly--with a friend. In fact, unless I am mistaken, he comes already."

"Very soon—with a friend. In fact, unless I'm wrong, he's already here."

The lady listened.

The woman listened.

"It is Philippe's voice! Mon Dieu! He must not find me here."

"It’s Philippe’s voice! Oh my God! He can’t find me here."

"But, Madame----"

"But, Ma'am----"

"Ah, the screen! It is like a farce at the Palais Royal--is it not a fact? I will be your model, Monsieur, behind the screen!"

"Ah, the screen! It's like a comedy at the Palais Royal—don't you think? I'll be your model, sir, behind the screen!"

"Madame!"

"Ma'am!"

Before he could interpose to prevent her, the lady vanished behind the screen. The door of the studio opened, and the Vicomte d'Humières entered, accompanied by his friend.

Before he could step in to stop her, the lady disappeared behind the screen. The door to the studio opened, and the Vicomte d'Humières walked in, accompanied by his friend.



CHAPTER II.

AND AWAKE.


The Vicomte's friend was a gentleman of a figure which is not uncommon in France, even to-day. His attitude suggested a ramrod, he breathed powder and shot; and he bristled--what shall we say?--with bayonets. The last person in the world with whom a modern Briton should have a serious difference of opinion. The ideas of that sort of person upon matters which involve a difference of opinion are in such contrast to ours. The Vicomte performed the ceremony of introduction.

The Vicomte's friend was a gentleman with a figure that isn’t uncommon in France, even today. He stood straight as a ramrod, smelled of gunpowder, and was armed to the teeth with bayonets. He was the last person a modern Briton should have a serious disagreement with. His views on matters that spark debate are in such stark contrast to ours. The Vicomte went through the motions of introducing them.

"Mr. Gerald Lovell, permit me to introduce to your courteous consideration my friend, M. Victor Berigny!"

"Mr. Gerald Lovell, please allow me to introduce my friend, Mr. Victor Berigny, to your kind attention!"

M. Berigny bowed, ceremoniously. Mr. Lovell only nodded--his thoughts were behind the screen. The Vicomte turned to his friend.

M. Berigny bowed with formality. Mr. Lovell just nodded—his mind was elsewhere. The Vicomte turned to his friend.

"Victor, I have explained to you that I have already had the pleasure of an interview with Mr. Gerald Lovell." M. Berigny bowed. "I have also explained to you that I have desired him to inform me by whose authority he exhibits a portrait of my wife in a public exhibition. To that he has replied that his picture, 'A Vision of the Night,' is not a portrait of my wife. I request you, Victor, to state, in Mr. Gerald Lovell's presence, whether that picture, in your opinion, is or is not a portrait of my wife."

"Victor, I've already told you that I've had the pleasure of meeting Mr. Gerald Lovell." M. Berigny bowed. "I've also mentioned that I asked him to tell me by whose authority he shows a portrait of my wife in a public exhibition. He has said that his painting, 'A Vision of the Night,' is not a portrait of my wife. I ask you, Victor, to say, in Mr. Gerald Lovell's presence, whether you think that painting is or isn't a portrait of my wife."

"Certainly, it is a portrait."

"Of course, it's a portrait."

M. Berigny's accent was more marked than the Vicomte's, but still he did speak English.

M. Berigny's accent was stronger than the Vicomte's, but he still spoke English.

"I thank you, Victor. It remains for me to once more request, in your presence, Mr. Gerald Lovell to explain how it was that he happened to dream of the face of my wife last August, in the Hôtel de Flandre, at Spa. Mr. Gerald Lovell, I have the honour to await your explanation."

"I appreciate it, Victor. Now, I would like to ask Mr. Gerald Lovell again, in front of you, to explain why he dreamed of my wife's face last August at the Hôtel de Flandre in Spa. Mr. Gerald Lovell, I look forward to your explanation."

The Vicomte, his arms crossed upon his chest, his left foot a little protruding, his head thrown back, awaited the explanation.

The Vicomte, with his arms crossed over his chest, his left foot slightly sticking out, and his head tilted back, waited for the explanation.

Mr. Lovell's thoughts ran screenwards.

Mr. Lovell's thoughts turned to screens.

"What the deuce shall I do if he discovers her behind the screen?"

"What on earth am I going to do if he finds her behind the screen?"

"Monsieur, I am waiting."

"Sir, I am waiting."

"If he does discover her--there'll be a row."

"If he finds her, there will be a scene."

"I still am waiting, Mr. Gerald Lovell."

"I’m still waiting, Mr. Gerald Lovell."

With each repetition of the statement the Vicomte's tone became more acidulated. The artist arrived at a sudden resolution.

With each repeat of the statement, the Vicomte's tone grew sharper. The artist made a quick decision.

"Then I am afraid, Vicomte, that you will have to wait."

"Then I'm afraid, Vicomte, you'll have to wait."

The Vicomte looked at the artist with an evident inclination to add a cubit to his own stature.

The Vicomte looked at the artist, clearly wanting to boost his own height by a bit.

"Is it possible that I understand your meaning, Mr. Gerald Lovell?"

"Is it possible that I get what you're saying, Mr. Gerald Lovell?"

"My language is sufficiently simple."

"My language is simple enough."

"In France, Mr. Gerald Lovell, an artist is supposed to be a gentleman."

"In France, Mr. Gerald Lovell, an artist, is expected to be a gentleman."

"And so in England, Vicomte. And therefore, when an artist is interrupted at his work by another gentleman, he feels himself at liberty to beg that other gentleman--to excuse him."

"And so, in England, Vicomte. Therefore, when an artist is interrupted while working by another gentleman, he feels entitled to ask that gentleman to excuse him."

Mr. Lovell waved his hand, affably, in the direction of the door. The Vicomte's countenance assumed a peculiar pallor.

Mr. Lovell waved his hand cheerfully toward the door. The Vicomte's face took on a strange paleness.

"You are a curious person, Mr. Gerald Lovell."

"You’re a curious person, Mr. Gerald Lovell."

His friend interposed.

His friend interrupted.

"Philippe, you had better leave the matter to me."

"Philippe, you should just leave this to me."

M. Berigny approached the painter--with a ramrod down his back.

M. Berigny walked up to the painter, standing straight as a rod.

"I have the honour, Monsieur, to request from you the name of a friend."

"I have the honor, sir, to ask you for the name of a friend."

"Of a friend? What for?"

"Why a friend?"

"Ah, Monsieur--to arrange the preliminaries!"

"Ah, Sir--to set up the details!"

"What preliminaries?"

"What do you mean?"

"Is it that Monsieur amuses himself?"

"Is the gentleman entertaining himself?"

"Is it possible that you suppose that I am going to fight a duel?"

"Do you really think I’m going to fight a duel?"

"Monsieur intends, then, to offer an explanation to my friend?"

"Mister intends to give an explanation to my friend?"

"M. Berigny, I do not wish to say to you anything uncourteous, or anything unworthy an English gentleman; but I do beg you to believe that, because you choose to be an idiot, and your friend chooses to be an idiot, it does not follow that I choose to be an idiot, too."

"M. Berigny, I don't want to say anything rude or unworthy of an English gentleman; however, I ask you to understand that just because you decide to be foolish and your friend decides to be foolish, it doesn't mean that I have to be foolish, too."

"Monsieur!"

"Sir!"

"One other observation. I have not seen much of you, M. Beringy, but that little has not disposed me to see more. May I therefore ask you--to leave my studio?"

"One other observation. I haven’t seen much of you, M. Beringy, but what I have seen hasn’t made me want to see more. So, may I ask you to please leave my studio?"

"Monsieur!"

"Sir!"

"Or--must I turn you out?"

"Or—should I kick you out?"

"Turn me out!"

"Let me go!"

The Vicomte had been listening to this little dialogue. He now turned towards his friend.

The Vicomte had been listening to this conversation. He now turned to his friend.

"Ah, my friend, it is as he says! He will turn you out, neck and crop, as the English say. He will throw you down the stairs, he will heave half a brick at your head, to help you on your way. Then, when you require satisfaction, he will refer you to a magistrate. You will summon him--it will be in the papers--he will be fined half-a-crown! That is how they manage these affairs in England. It is true!"

"Ah, my friend, it's just as he says! He will kick you out, no questions asked, like they say in England. He'll toss you down the stairs and might even throw a half-brick at your head just to speed you along. Then, when you want to settle the score, he'll send you to a judge. You'll take him to court—it'll be in the news—and he'll get fined two shillings and sixpence! That's how they handle things in England. It's true!"

"But--among gentlemen!"

"But—among peers!"

"Ah, mon ami, voila! In England, nowadays, there are no gentlemen!"

"Ah, my friend, here it is! In England today, there are no gentlemen!"

Mr. Lovell moved a step towards M. Berigny.

Mr. Lovell took a step closer to M. Berigny.

"I have asked you, as a gentleman, to leave my studio."

"I've asked you, as a man, to leave my studio."

"Monsieur, you are a coward!"

"Sir, you're a coward!"

The painter's eyes gleamed. But he kept his temper pretty well, considering.

The painter's eyes sparkled. But he managed to stay calm, all things considered.

"You appear to have been taught singularly ill manners in your native country, sir. I will endeavour to teach you better manners here. Are you going? Or must I eject you?"

"You seem to have learned really bad manners back in your home country, sir. I’m going to try to teach you better manners here. Are you leaving? Or do I need to kick you out?"

"Polison!"

"Polison!"

That was M. Berigny's answer. There was just a momentary hesitation. Then, grasping M. Berigny firmly by the shoulders, Mr. Lovell began to move him, more rapidly than gently, in the direction of the door. The Vicomte came forward, with the evident intention of interposing. There would probably have been a slightly undignified scramble had not a diversion been created by the opening of the door, and the entrance of Mr. Warren. That gentleman glanced from one person to another.

That was M. Berigny's answer. There was just a brief pause. Then, grabbing M. Berigny firmly by the shoulders, Mr. Lovell started to push him, more quickly than gently, toward the door. The Vicomte stepped up, clearly intending to get in the way. There likely would have been a slightly awkward tussle if the door hadn't opened at that moment, allowing Mr. Warren to walk in. That gentleman looked from one person to another.

"I beg your pardon," he observed. "I hope I don't intrude!"

"I’m sorry," he said. "I hope I’m not interrupting!"

Mr. Lovell laughed, a little forcedly. His complexion was distinctly ruddy.

Mr. Lovell laughed, somewhat awkwardly. His complexion was noticeably flushed.

"Not at all! I wish you had come in sooner. The most ridiculous thing has happened."

"Not at all! I wish you had come in earlier. The most absurd thing just happened."

"Indeed! I have an eye for the ridiculous."

"Absolutely! I have a knack for spotting the ridiculous."

"You know that picture of mine, 'A Vision of the Night'?"

"You know that painting of mine, 'A Vision of the Night'?"

"I've heard of it."

"I've heard about it."

"This gentleman says that it's a portrait of his wife."

"This guy says it's a portrait of his wife."

Mr. Lovell pointed to the Vicomte d'Humières.

Mr. Lovell pointed to the Vicomte d'Humières.

"No? Then, in that case, this gentleman's wife came into your bedroom in the middle of the night, and--kissed you, wasn't it?"

"No? Then, in that case, this guy's wife came into your bedroom in the middle of the night and--kissed you, right?"

Mr. Warren spoke in the innocence of his heart, but, at that moment, Mr. Lovell could have struck his boyhood's friend. There was a listener behind the screen. The young gentleman's cheeks grew crimson, as the lady's had done a few minutes before. He was conscious, too, that the Vicomte's unfriendly eyes were fixed upon his face.

Mr. Warren spoke with genuine sincerity, but at that moment, Mr. Lovell felt like striking his childhood friend. There was someone listening behind the screen. The young man's cheeks turned red, just like the lady's had moments earlier. He also realized that the Vicomte's unfriendly gaze was focused on him.

"So! That is it! You--you----" The Vicomte moved a step forward, then checked himself. "Tell me, where is my wife at this instant?"

"So! That’s it! You—you—” The Vicomte took a step forward, then held back. “Tell me, where is my wife right now?”

Mr. Lovell could have told him, but he refrained.

Mr. Lovell could have told him, but he chose not to.

"I decline to give you any information of any kind whatever."

"I refuse to give you any information at all."

"You decline?" The Vicomte raised his hand. He would have struck the artist. Mr. Warren interposed to avert the blow.

"You decline?" The Vicomte raised his hand. He was about to hit the artist. Mr. Warren stepped in to prevent the blow.

"He declines for the very simple reason that he has never seen your wife; isn't that so, Gerald?"

"He says no for a really simple reason: he’s never met your wife; isn’t that right, Gerald?"

Mr. Lovell hesitated. He scarcely saw his way to a denial while the lady was behind the screen.

Mr. Lovell hesitated. He could hardly find a reason to say no while the lady was behind the screen.

"You see! He does not even dare to lie!"

"You see! He doesn’t even dare to lie!"

"Don't talk nonsense, sir! Gerald, why don't you tell the man that you have never seen the woman in your life?"

"Stop talking nonsense, sir! Gerald, why don't you tell the guy that you've never seen the woman in your life?"

"I repeat that I decline to give this person any information of any kind whatever."

"I want to be clear that I refuse to share any information about this person at all."

"You decline?"

"You saying no?"

The Vicomte uttered the words in a kind of strangled screech. His patience was exhausted. He seemed to think that he was being subjected to treatment which was more than flesh and blood could bear. He rushed at Mr. Lovell. Mr. Lovell, probably forgetting himself on the impulse of the moment--or he would have been more careful--swung the Vicomte round against the screen. It tottered, reeled, and, raising a cloud of dust, it fell with a bang to the floor!

The Vicomte let out the words in a sort of choked scream. His patience had run out. He seemed to believe he was enduring something that no one could handle. He charged at Mr. Lovell. Mr. Lovell, likely caught up in the moment—otherwise, he would have been more cautious—swung the Vicomte around and slammed him against the screen. It wobbled, swayed, and, kicking up a cloud of dust, crashed to the floor with a loud thud!

It was a leaf out of Sheridan.

It was a page from Sheridan.

For an instant the several members of that little party did not distinctly realize what it was that had happened. Then they saw. There was a pause--a curious pause. Their attitudes betrayed a charming diversity of emotions. The Vicomte, his coat a little disarranged, owing to the somewhat rough handling which he had just received, stood and glared. M. Berigny, more ramroddy than ever, stared. Mr. Warren gasped. Mr. Lovell's quickened breathing, crimsoned cheeks, and flashing eyes seemed to suggest that his breast was a tumult of conflicting feelings. The lady, whose presence had been so unexpectedly revealed, stood behind the fallen screen, with the most charming air of innocence in the world, and she smiled.

For a moment, the members of that small group didn't fully grasp what had just happened. Then they realized. There was a pause—a strange pause. Their body language revealed a delightful mix of emotions. The Vicomte, his coat slightly rumpled from the rough handling he had just experienced, stood and glared. M. Berigny, stiffer than ever, stared. Mr. Warren gasped. Mr. Lovell's quickened breathing, flushed cheeks, and sparkling eyes suggested that he was a whirlwind of conflicting emotions. The lady, whose unexpected presence had just been revealed, stood behind the fallen screen, wearing the most charmingly innocent air and smiled.

It was she who broke the silence. She held out her hand to the Vicomte.

It was her who broke the silence. She extended her hand to the Vicomte.

"Bon jour, Philippe!"

"Hi, Philippe!"

"Ah-h-h!" The Vicomte drew himself away with a sort of shuddering exclamation. "Antoinette! It is you! It cannot be!"

"Ah-h-h!" The Vicomte pulled back with a shudder. "Antoinette! It’s you! It can’t be!"

"My dear Philippe--why not?"

"My dear Philippe—why not?"

"Why not?"

"Why not?"

"Why not? She asks why not!" The Vicomte held out his hands, as though he appealed to the eternal verities. "Traîtresse! Once more is woman false and man betrayed!"

"Why not? She asks why not!" The Vicomte held out his hands, as if appealing to the eternal truths. "Traîtresse! Once again, woman is untrue and man is deceived!"

The Vicomte's gesture was worthy of the tragic stage--in France. The lady still held out her hand, and still she smiled.

The Vicomte's gesture was fit for a tragedy—especially in France. The lady kept her hand out and maintained her smile.

"My dear Philippe--try comedy!"

"Hey Philippe, give comedy a shot!"

"Comedy? Ah, yes, I will try comedy--the comedy of r-r-revenge!" The Vicomte distinctly rolled his r's. He turned to Mr. Lovell. "I will kill you, even though for killing you, by the law of England, I am hanged. Victor, where is my hat?"

"Comedy? Oh, right, I'll go for comedy—the comedy of r-r-revenge!" The Vicomte rolled his r's noticeably. He turned to Mr. Lovell. "I'm going to kill you, even though for doing that, I’ll get hanged according to English law. Victor, where’s my hat?"

The Vicomte put this question to his friend with a peculiar coldness. M. Berigny shrugged his shoulders.

The Viscount asked his friend this question with an unusual coldness. Mr. Berigny shrugged his shoulders.

"How should I know? It is not a question of a hat."

"How am I supposed to know? It's not about a hat."

"As you say, it is not a question of a hat. It is a question"--the Vicomte moved towards Mr. Lovell--"of that!"

"As you said, it’s not about a hat. It’s about"--the Vicomte stepped closer to Mr. Lovell--"that!"

He raised his hand with the intention of striking the artist on the cheek. Mr. Lovell never flinched; but the lady, rushing forward, caught her husband by the wrist. She looked at him, still with laughter in her eyes.

He lifted his hand, planning to hit the artist on the cheek. Mr. Lovell didn't flinch; however, the woman rushed forward and grabbed her husband by the wrist. She looked at him, still laughing.

"Try not to be insane."

"Don’t lose your mind."

The Vicomte glared at her with a glare which, at least, was characteristic.

The Vicomte glared at her with a look that was, at the very least, typical.

"Why do I not kill her--why?"

"Why don't I just kill her--why?"

The lady only smiled.

The woman just smiled.

"They say that a woman is devoid of humour. How is it then sometimes with a man? You, Philippe, are always thinking of the Porte St. Martin--I, of the Bouffes Parisiens."

"They say that women lack a sense of humor. But what about men sometimes? You, Philippe, are always thinking about the Porte St. Martin—I, on the other hand, think of the Bouffes Parisiens."

The Vicomte turned to his friend.

The viscount turned to his friend.

"Victor, why do I not kill this woman?"

"Victor, why shouldn't I kill this woman?"

M. Berigny only shrugged his shoulders. Possibly because he was not ready with a more adequate reply. The lady turned to the artist.

M. Berigny just shrugged. Maybe because he didn't have a better answer. The lady turned to the artist.

"Monsieur, I offer you ten thousand apologies, which my husband will one day offer you himself, as becomes a gentleman of France."

"Mister, I sincerely apologize to you, and my husband will someday apologize himself, as is appropriate for a gentleman from France."

The Vicomte repeated his inquiry:

The Viscount repeated his question:

"Victor, why do I not kill this woman?"

"Victor, why shouldn't I kill this woman?"

Only a shrug in reply. The lady went on:

Only a shrug in response. The woman continued:

"You have immortalized my poor face, Monsieur; my husband insults you in return."

"You've captured my unfortunate face forever, Monsieur; my husband retaliates with insults."

The Vicomte folded his arms across his chest.

The Viscount crossed his arms over his chest.

"It is certain, Victor, that she still lives!"

"It’s clear, Victor, that she’s still alive!"

"One night, Monsieur, my husband locked me in my room. He designed to make of me a prisoner. Why? Ah, do not ask me why? When he had left me, I escaped, not by the door which he had locked, but by a door he had not noticed. This door led into an apartment in which there was a stranger sleeping. I was but an instant in that apartment--but the instant in which it was necessary to pass through. The sleeper never spoke to me; he never saw me with his waking eyes. But, even in his sleep, my poor, frightened face so flashed upon his brain that, even in his waking hours, it haunted him so that he made of it a picture--a picture of that Vision of the Night!"

"One night, my husband locked me in my room. He intended to make me a prisoner. Why? Oh, don’t ask me why. After he left, I escaped not through the locked door, but through a door he hadn’t noticed. This door led into an apartment where a stranger was sleeping. I was only in that apartment for a moment—just long enough to pass through. The sleeper never spoke to me; he never saw me with his waking eyes. But even in his sleep, my scared face flashed in his mind so much that even when he was awake, it haunted him and he ended up turning it into a picture—a picture of that Vision of the Night!"

The Vicomte approached closer to his friend. He addressed him in a sort of confidential, but still distinctly audible, aside:

The Vicomte moved closer to his friend. He spoke to him in a somewhat confidential, yet clearly audible, whisper:

"Victor, is it possible that this is true?"

"Victor, is it possible that this is real?"

"I beg, my friend, that of me you will ask nothing."

"I ask you, my friend, not to expect anything from me."

"Monsieur, this morning I was at your Academy. I saw my own countenance looking at me from the walls. For the first time I learned that my poor, frightened woman's face had appeared to a sleeping stranger in a Vision of the Night. Oh, Monsieur, Monsieur!"

"Mister, this morning I was at your Academy. I saw my own face looking back at me from the walls. For the first time, I learned that my poor, scared woman's face had shown up to a sleeping stranger in a Night Vision. Oh, Mister, Mister!"

The lady covered her face with her hands. It would, perhaps, be rash to say that she cried; but, at least, she seemed to cry, and if it was only seeming, she did it very well.

The lady covered her face with her hands. It might be a bit extreme to say that she cried; but at least, she looked like she was crying, and if it was just an act, she did it remarkably well.

"Victor," again inquired the Vicomte of his friend, "is it possible that this is true?"

"Victor," the Vicomte asked his friend again, "is it really true?"

M. Berigny wagged his finger in the Vicomte's face.

M. Berigny shook his finger in the Vicomte's face.

"D'Humières, it now becomes a question of hats." The Vicomte laid his hand on his companion's arm.

"D'Humières, it's now a matter of hats." The Vicomte placed his hand on his companion's arm.

"One instant, Victor--still one instant more."

"Just one more moment, Victor--just one more moment."

The lady, uncovering her eyes--which actually were sparkling with tears--continued to address the artist.

The lady, wiping her eyes—which were actually glistening with tears—went on talking to the artist.

"Monsieur, I will not speak to you of my love for my husband--my Philippe! I will not speak to you of how we have been parted for a year--a whole, long year--mon Dieu, Monsieur, mon Dieu! I will not speak to you of how, every instant of that long, long year I have thought of him, of how I have yearned for him, of how I have longed for one touch of his hand, one word from his lips, one glance from his eyes. No, Monsieur, I will not speak to you of all these things. And for this reason: That, with me all things are finished. I go, never to return again. My face--you have made immortal; the rest of me--will perish. For the woman whose heart is broken there remains but one place--the grave. It is to that place I go!"

"Mister, I won’t talk to you about my love for my husband—my Philippe! I won’t mention how we’ve been apart for a year—a whole, long year—oh my God, Mister, oh my God! I won’t tell you how, every moment of that long, long year, I have thought about him, how I have yearned for him, how I have longed for just one touch of his hand, one word from his lips, one glance from his eyes. No, Mister, I won’t discuss all these things. And here’s why: With me, everything is over. I’m leaving, never to return. You have immortalized my face; the rest of me will fade away. For a woman whose heart is broken, there’s only one place left—the grave. It is to that place I am going!"

The lady had become as tragic as her husband--even more so, in her way. She moved across the room with the air of a tragedy queen--Parisian. The Vicomte was visibly affected. He fastened a convulsive clutch upon M. Berigny's arm.

The lady had become as tragic as her husband—maybe even more in her own way. She glided across the room like a queen of tragedy—very Parisian. The Vicomte was clearly impacted. He grasped M. Berigny's arm tightly in a desperate hold.

"Victor, tell me, what shall I do? Advise me, oh, my friend! This is a critical moment in my life! It is impossible that I should let her go. Antoinette!"

"Victor, tell me, what should I do? Please advise me, my friend! This is a critical moment in my life! I can't possibly let her go. Antoinette!"

The Vicomte advanced, just in time, between the lady and the door.

The Vicomte stepped in, just in time, positioning himself between the lady and the door.

"Monsieur, I entreat of you this last boon, to let me go. You have insulted me in the presence of a stranger; for me, therefore, nothing else remains. You have inquired if you should kill me. No, Philippe, you need not kill me; it is myself I will kill!"

"Mister, I ask you for one last favor, to let me go. You have humiliated me in front of someone I don't know; so for me, there’s nothing else left. You asked if you should kill me. No, Philippe, you don’t need to kill me; it's myself I will kill!"

"Antoinette!"

"Antoinette!"

"I am no longer Antoinette; I am the woman whose happiness you have destroyed. It is only when I am dead that you will learn what is written on my heart for you."

"I am not Antoinette anymore; I am the woman whose happiness you have ruined. You will only understand what is in my heart for you when I am dead."

"Antoinette," the strong man's voice faltered, "Antoinette, am I never, then, to be forgiven?"

"Antoinette," the strong man's voice wavered, "Antoinette, am I never going to be forgiven?"

There was a momentary pause. Then the lady held out both her hands. "Philippe!"

There was a brief pause. Then the woman extended both her hands. "Philippe!"

"My heart! my soul! thou treasure of my life! thou star of my existence! Is it possible that a cloud should have interposed itself between thy path and mine?"

"My heart! my soul! you treasure of my life! you star of my existence! Is it possible that a cloud has come between our paths?"

He took her in his arms. He pressed her to his breast. M. Berigny turned away. From his attitude it almost seemed as if the soldier--the man of ramrods and of bayonets!--wiped away a tear.

He held her close. He pressed her against his chest. M. Berigny turned away. From his posture, it almost looked like the soldier—the guy with the guns and bayonets!—wiped away a tear.

"Philippe! Take care, or you will derange my hat!"

"Philippe! Be careful, or you'll mess up my hat!"

"Antoinette! My beautiful, my own!"

"Antoinette! My gorgeous, my own!"

"Philippe, do you not think you should apologize--take care, my friend, or you certainly will derange my hat!--to the stranger who has made immortal the face of the woman who loved you better than her life--my friend, take care!--who has made her appear on canvas so much more beautiful than she is in life?"

"Philippe, don't you think you should apologize—be careful, my friend, or you'll mess up my hat!—to the stranger who has captured the face of the woman who loved you more than her own life—my friend, watch out!—who has made her look so much more beautiful on canvas than she does in real life?"

"No, Antoinette, that I will not have. It is impossible. Beauty such as yours in not to be rendered by a painter's brush!"

"No, Antoinette, I can't allow that. It's not possible. Beauty like yours can't be captured by a painter's brush!"

"If that be so, all the more reason why we should be grateful to Mr. Lovell for endeavouring the impossible."

"If that's the case, we should be even more grateful to Mr. Lovell for trying to do the impossible."

The lady peeped at Mr. Lovell with the quaintest malice in her eyes.

The lady glanced at Mr. Lovell with the most peculiar malice in her eyes.

"Certainly, Antoinette, there is something in what you say. And, after all, it is a charming painting. I said, Victor, when I saw it, there can be no doubt, as a painting, it is charming--did I not say so?" M. Berigny inclined his head. With his handkerchief the Vicomte smoothed his moustache. He advanced towards Mr. Lovell: "Monsieur, a Frenchman--a true Frenchman--seldom errs. On those rare occasions on which he errs he is always willing, under proper conditions, to confess his error. Monsieur, I perceive that I have done you an injustice. For the injustice which I have done you--I desire to apologize."

"Of course, Antoinette, you make a good point. And, considering everything, it really is a beautiful painting. I told Victor when I saw it that there's no doubt it's charming as a painting—didn't I say that?" M. Berigny nodded. He smoothed his mustache with his handkerchief. He stepped closer to Mr. Lovell: "Sir, a Frenchman—a true Frenchman—rarely makes a mistake. On those rare occasions when he does, he’s always willing to admit it when the right conditions are met. Sir, I realize that I have wronged you. For the wrong I have done you, I want to apologize."

Mr. Lovell smiled. He held out his hand.

Mr. Lovell smiled. He extended his hand.

"My dear fellow! There's nothing for which you need apologize."

"My dear friend! There's nothing you need to apologize for."

The Vicomte grasped the artist's hand in both of his.

The Vicomte took the artist's hand in both of his.

"My dear friend!" he cried.

"My dear friend!" he exclaimed.

"Philippe," whispered the lady into her husband's ear, "do you not think that you would like Mr. Lovell and his friend to favour us with their company at luncheon?"

"Philippe," the lady whispered in her husband's ear, "don’t you think it would be nice for Mr. Lovell and his friend to join us for lunch?"

The Vicomte seemed to think he would. They lunched together--all the five! Why not?

The Viscount seemed to think he would. They had lunch together—all five of them! Why not?





THE WAY OF A MAID WITH A MAN.

(Miss Whitby writes to her Mother.)


My Dearest Mamma,--You will be surprised, and I hope you will be pleased to hear that I am engaged to be married! You are not to smile--it would be cruel--this, really, is serious. Charlie is all that a husband should be--you are not to laugh at that--you know exactly what I mean. I am nearly twenty, and, this time, I feel that my happiness really is at stake. I may not be able to keep my looks for long--some girls lose them when they are quite young--and something seems to tell me that I ought to begin to look life seriously in the face, and become responsible. I almost wish that I had taken to district visiting, like Emma Mortimer--it might have balanced me. Poor Emma! what a pity she is so plain.

My Beloved Mom,--You’ll be surprised, and I hope you’ll be pleased to hear that I’m engaged to be married! Please don’t smile—it would be cruel—this is really serious. Charlie is everything a husband should be—don’t laugh at that—you know exactly what I mean. I’m nearly twenty, and this time, I feel that my happiness is truly at stake. I might not be able to keep my looks for long—some girls lose them when they’re quite young—and something tells me that I should start facing life seriously and become responsible. I almost wish I had taken up volunteering, like Emma Mortimer—it might have grounded me. Poor Emma! What a shame she’s so plain.

Will you mind hinting to Tom Wilson that I think he might be happy with Nora Cathcart? It is true that I made him promise that he would never speak to her again, but all that is over. I hope you will not think me fickle, dear mamma. I enclose the ring Tom gave me. Will you please give it to him? And point out to him that I am now persuaded that boy and girl attachments never come to anything serious.

Will you mind mentioning to Tom Wilson that I think he might be happy with Nora Cathcart? It's true that I made him promise he would never talk to her again, but that's all in the past now. I hope you won’t think I’m being two-faced, dear mom. I'm including the ring Tom gave me. Can you please give it back to him? And let him know that I’m now convinced that crushes between guys and girls never lead to anything serious.

By the way, do not forget to tell them to send two pairs of evening shoes. Those which I have are quite worn out. Let both pairs be perfectly plain bronze. Charlie thinks that they make my feet look almost ethereal. Is he not absurd? But I hope that you will not think so, when you come to know him, for he loves your child. You might also ask them to send me a dozen pairs of stockings--nice ones. All mine seem to be in holes. You know I like them as long as you can get them.

By the way, don’t forget to tell them to send two pairs of evening shoes. The ones I have are pretty worn out. Both pairs should be perfectly plain bronze. Charlie thinks they make my feet look almost ethereal. Isn’t that ridiculous? But I hope you won’t think so when you get to know him, because he loves your child. You might also ask them to send me a dozen pairs of nice stockings. All mine seem to have holes. You know I like them as long as you can get them.

I have been here nearly a month, and I have been almost engaged to three different men. How time does seem to fly! Lily says I am a heartless little flirt. I think that perhaps I was, until he came. He has been here just a week, and I seem to have known him years.

I’ve been here for almost a month, and I've almost gotten engaged to three different guys. Time really flies! Lily says I'm a heartless flirt. I think I might have been, until he showed up. He’s been here for just a week, but it feels like I’ve known him for years.

Lily seems to be under the impression that I was engaged to Captain Pentland. She is wrong. Captain Pentland has some very noble qualities. He is destined to make some true woman profoundly happy. Of that I have no doubt whatever. But I am not that woman. No, dear mamma, I feel that now. Besides, he wears an eyeglass. As you are aware, I have always had an insuperable objection to an eyeglass. It seems to savour of affectation. And affectation I cannot stand. And then he lisps. As I told you, when I wrote you last, when I sprained my ankle on Highdown Hill, he carried me in his arms for over a mile. Of course, I was grateful. And, between you and me, dear mamma, he held me so very closely to him, that, afterwards I felt as if I ought to marry him. I have explained everything to Charlie. He quite agrees with me that it is absurd for Captain Pentland to think himself ill-used.

Lily seems to think that I was engaged to Captain Pentland. She's wrong. Captain Pentland has some really noble qualities. He’s destined to make some true woman incredibly happy. I have no doubt about that. But I am not that woman. No, dear mom, I realize that now. Plus, he wears an eyeglass. As you know, I’ve always had a strong dislike for eyeglasses. They seem pretentious to me. And I can't stand pretentiousness. And then he lisps. As I told you in my last letter, when I sprained my ankle on Highdown Hill, he carried me in his arms for over a mile. Of course, I was grateful. And between you and me, dear mom, he held me so closely that afterwards I felt like I should marry him. I’ve explained everything to Charlie. He totally agrees with me that it’s ridiculous for Captain Pentland to think he’s been wronged.

While I think of it, when you are in town will you tell them to send me a box of assorted chocolates? You know the kind I like. There is nothing of that sort to be had here, and I do so long for some.

While I’m thinking of it, when you’re in town, could you ask them to send me a box of assorted chocolates? You know the kind I like. There's nothing like that available here, and I really crave some.

Charlie is Lily's cousin. Do you think that cousins ought to kiss each other? I wish I could get the opinion of someone on whose judgment I could implicitly rely. At any rate, even supposing that they ought I am quite sure that there should be limits. Before long I am afraid that I shall have to give Charlie a hint that I do not think, under the circumstances, that he ought to kiss Lily quite as much as he does me. She may be his cousin, but she is young, and she is pretty. And cousins are not sisters. It is nonsense for people to pretend they are.

Charlie is Lily's cousin. Do you think cousins should kiss each other? I wish I could get the opinion of someone whose judgment I could fully trust. Anyway, even if they should, I’m pretty sure there should be some boundaries. Soon, I’m afraid I’ll have to hint to Charlie that I don’t think he should be kissing Lily as much as he does me. She might be his cousin, but she’s young and pretty. And cousins aren’t the same as sisters. It’s silly for people to act like they are.

The odd part of it is that if Charlie had not been so fond of kissing Lily I might not be going to marry him now. I knew that he was coming. And I was sitting alone in the drawing-room, in a half-light, with my back to the door, when suddenly someone, putting his arm round my waist, lifting me off my feet, twisted me right round, and began kissing me on my eyes and lips and everywhere.

The strange thing is that if Charlie hadn’t liked kissing Lily so much, I might not be getting married to him now. I knew he was on his way. I was sitting alone in the living room, in dim light, with my back to the door, when suddenly someone wrapped his arm around my waist, lifted me off my feet, spun me around, and started kissing me on my eyes, lips, and all over.

I thought it was Captain Pentland. Though I was astonished at such behaviour even from him--because it was only that morning we quarrelled. You may judge of my astonishment when I was again able to look out of my own eyes, to find myself being held, as if I were a baby, or a doll, in the arms of a perfect giant of a man, whom I had never seen before. You may imagine how shocked I felt, because, as you know well, my views on such subjects--which I owe to your dear teaching--are, if anything, too severe. I will do him the justice to admit that he seemed to be almost as much shocked as I was.

I thought it was Captain Pentland. I was really surprised by such behavior from him, especially since we had just argued that morning. You can imagine my shock when I was finally able to see again and found myself being cradled like a baby or a doll in the arms of a huge man I had never seen before. You can picture how stunned I felt, especially considering my strong opinions on these matters—which I owe to your valuable lessons. I have to give him credit; he looked almost as shocked as I was.

"I beg your pardon," he said, "ten thousand times. I thought that you were Lily."

"I’m really sorry," he said, "a thousand times over. I thought you were Lily."

He put me down very much as you handle your Chelsea cups, mamma--softly and delicately, as if he had been afraid of chipping pieces off me.

He set me down much like you handle your Chelsea cups, mom—gently and carefully, as if he was afraid of chipping pieces off me.

"I suppose you're Charlie?"

"Are you Charlie?"

I spoke more lightly and more cheerfully than I felt. He seemed so ashamed of himself, and so confused, that I pitied him. You know, dear mamma, that when people know, and feel, that they have done wrong, I always pity them. I cannot help it. It is my nature. All flesh is weak. I myself am prone to err. When Lily did appear, we were talking quite as if we knew each other. And that is how it began. It is odd how these sort of things sometimes do begin. As you are aware, I speak as one who has had experience. I shall always believe that it was only the breaking of a shoelace which first brought Norman Eliot and me together.

I spoke more lightly and cheerfully than I actually felt. He looked so ashamed and confused that I felt sorry for him. You know, dear mom, that when people realize and feel that they've done something wrong, I always feel pity for them. I can't help it. It's just who I am. Everyone makes mistakes. I know I'm not perfect either. When Lily finally showed up, we were chatting like we were old friends. And that's how it all started. It's funny how these things can begin. As you know, I speak from experience. I'll always believe it was just a broken shoelace that first brought Norman Eliot and me together.

But those chapters in my life are closed. In the days which are past I may have seemed to hesitate, to occasionally have changed my mind. But now my life is linked to Charlie's by bonds which never shall be broken. I feel as if I were already married. The gravity of existence is commencing to weigh upon my mind. A woman when she is nearly twenty is no longer young.

But those chapters in my life are closed. In the days that are behind me, I might have seemed unsure and changed my mind a few times. But now my life is connected to Charlie's with bonds that will never be broken. I feel like I'm already married. The seriousness of life is starting to weigh on my mind. A woman nearing her twenties is no longer considered young.

While I remember it, when you send the chocolates don't send any walnuts. I am sick of them. Variously flavoured creams are what I really like. And let two pairs of the stockings be light blue, with bronze stripes high up the leg.

While I remember, when you send the chocolates, please don't include any walnuts. I'm so over them. I really love the different flavored creams. Also, make sure two pairs of the stockings are light blue with bronze stripes high up the leg.

I cannot truly say that Lily is behaving to me quite nicely in my relations with Charlie. I do not wish to wrong her, even in my thoughts--she is the very dearest friend I have!--but, sometimes, I cannot help thinking that she had an eye on Charlie for herself. Because when the other morning I was telling her how strongly I disapproved of cousins marrying, if she had not been Lily--whose single-hearted affection I have every faith in--I should have said that she was positively rude. Charlie only proposed to me last night, yet, although she must have seen what was coming, in the afternoon she was actually talking to me of Norman Eliot--as if I had been to blame! Mr. Eliot and I never really were engaged--some people jump to conclusions without proper justification. And am I compelled to answer a person's letters if, for reasons of my own--quite private reasons--I do not choose to?

I can't honestly say that Lily is treating me well in my relationship with Charlie. I don’t want to be unfair to her, even in my thoughts—she’s my closest friend!—but sometimes, I can’t shake the feeling that she might have interest in Charlie for herself. Because the other morning, when I was telling her how much I disapprove of cousins marrying, if she weren't Lily—whose genuine affection I completely trust—I would have thought she was being quite rude. Charlie just proposed to me last night, and even though she must have sensed it was coming, in the afternoon she was actually talking to me about Norman Eliot—as if I were the one at fault! Mr. Eliot and I were never truly engaged—some people jump to conclusions without good reason. And am I really expected to reply to someone’s letters if, for my own personal reasons, I choose not to?

She came to my bedroom last night, just as I was going to bed. I told her what Charlie had said, and what I had said. Of course I expected her to congratulate me--as, in circumstances such as mine, a girl's best friend ought to do. She heard me to an end, and she looked at me, and said:

She came to my room last night, just as I was getting ready for bed. I told her what Charlie had said and what I had replied. Naturally, I expected her to congratulate me—as a girl’s best friend should in situations like mine. She listened to me completely, looked at me, and said:

"So you've done it again."

"So you did it again."

"I don't know about again, dear Lily," I replied. "But it would seem as if I had done it at last. I am feeling so happy that it almost makes me afraid."

"I don't know about again, dear Lily," I replied. "But it seems like I finally did it. I'm feeling so happy that it almost scares me."

"Some girls would feel afraid if they had reason to be conscious of the fact that they had engaged themselves to marry three men at once."

"Some girls would feel scared if they realized they were engaged to marry three men at the same time."

I could not help but notice that a jarring something was in her tone. But I paid no heed to it.

I couldn't help but notice that something was off in her tone. But I ignored it.

My thoughts were elsewhere.

I was distracted.

"How wrong it is," I murmured, "for people to scoff at love. They cannot know what love is--as I do."

"How wrong it is," I said softly, "for people to make fun of love. They can’t understand what love is—like I do."

"Perhaps not. I should think that what you don't know about love, May, isn't worth knowing." I sighed.

"Maybe not. I would say that what you don't know about love, May, isn't worth knowing." I sighed.

"I fancy, Lily dear, that I have heard stories about you."

"I think, dear Lily, that I’ve heard stories about you."

"I daresay; but I never snapped up your favourite cousin from under your nose. Possibly you will not mind telling me if you do mean to marry one of them, and, if so, which."

"I'll say this; but I never snatched your favorite cousin right from under your nose. Maybe you won’t mind telling me if you plan to marry one of them, and if so, which one."

"Lily! How can you ask me such a question? Have I not just been telling you that there is only one man in the world for me, henceforth and for ever, and that his name is Charlie?"

"Lily! How can you ask me that? Haven't I just been telling you that there's only one man in the world for me, now and forever, and his name is Charlie?"

"Exactly. Only last week you told me precisely the same story, and his name was Jim, while about a fortnight ago, it was Norman."

"Exactly. Just last week you told me the exact same story, and his name was Jim, and about two weeks ago, it was Norman."

My dearest mamma, you see I am making a clean breast of everything to you. I own, quite candidly, that since I have been here I have not behaved precisely as I might have done, and, indeed, ought to have done. I do not know how it is, I meant to be good; I am sure that nothing could have been better than my resolutions. I had no idea that they could have been so easily broken. It only shows, after all, how fragile we are. I felt that, strange and sad though it seems, Lily was not wholly unjust. I got up from my chair, and I knelt at her feet, and I pillowed my head in her lap and I cried:

My dearest mom, I’m honestly sharing everything with you. I admit, quite frankly, that since I’ve been here, I haven’t acted the way I should have. I’m not sure how it happened; I intended to behave well, and my intentions were genuinely good. I had no idea they could be so easily broken. It just shows how fragile we really are. I realized, even though it feels strange and sad, that Lily wasn’t completely unfair. I got up from my chair, knelt at her feet, rested my head in her lap, and cried:

"Oh, Lily, I've been so wicked! You can't think how sorry I am, now that it's too late. I wish you'd help me, and tell me what I ought to do."

"Oh, Lily, I've been so awful! You can't imagine how sorry I am, now that it's too late. I wish you'd help me and tell me what I should do."

"I'm a bit of a dab at a cry myself," she said. "So, if you take my advice, to begin with, you'll literally dry up."

"I'm not great at crying myself," she said. "So, if you take my advice, to start with, you'll seriously dry up."

Was it not unkind? And was it not vulgar? But I sometimes think that Lily's heart is like the nether millstone--so hard, you know. She went on:

Wasn't it unkind? And wasn't it rude? But sometimes I think that Lily's heart is like a rock—so tough, you know. She continued:

"If you do mean business with Charlie, and you do want my advice, you'll just tell him everything you have been doing, and leave the solution of the situation to him."

"If you really want to work with Charlie and want my advice, just tell him everything you've been doing and let him handle the situation."

I made up my mind there and then that that was exactly what I would do. I resolved that I would have no secrets from my husband--particularly as he would be sure to be told them by unfriendly lips if he did not learn them from mine. Besides, in such matters, a man is so much more generous, and so much more sympathetic than a woman--especially the man. Nor does he value you any the less because he finds that someone else happens to value you a little too.

I decided right then and there that’s exactly what I would do. I made up my mind to have no secrets from my husband—especially since he would definitely hear them from someone else if he didn’t learn them from me. Besides, in these situations, a man is so much more generous and sympathetic than a woman—especially the man. And he doesn’t think any less of you just because he finds out that someone else appreciates you a little too.

So, directly Lily had gone I let my hair down, and I put on my light blue dressing-jacket and a touch of powder, and I waited. Presently I heard steps coming along the passage. I opened the door. Sure enough it was Charlie, just going to bed. At sight of me he started. I was conscious that I was, perhaps, acting with some imprudence. But I could not help it. My entire happiness was at stake. You know, dear mamma, that I do look nice in that pretty dressing-jacket, with my hair, not at all untidy, but simply let down. You yourself have told me that, in every sense of the word, I look so young. He held out his hands to me--under a misapprehension. I shrank back.

So, as soon as Lily left, I let my hair down, put on my light blue robe, added a bit of powder, and waited. Soon, I heard footsteps coming down the hallway. I opened the door. Sure enough, it was Charlie, just heading to bed. He was surprised to see me. I was aware that I might be acting a bit recklessly, but I couldn't help it. My happiness was on the line. You know, dear mom, I do look good in that pretty robe, with my hair down, not messy at all. You've told me that I look so young, in every way possible. He reached out his hands to me—under a misunderstanding. I stepped back.

"Mr. Mason," I began very softly, with, in my voice, a sort of sob, "I could not rest until I had told you all that has passed between us to-night must be considered as unsaid."

"Mr. Mason," I began very softly, with a sort of sob in my voice, "I couldn’t rest until I told you that everything that happened between us tonight should be considered as unsaid."

He started as if I had struck him. I could see that his face went white.

He jumped as if I had hit him. I could see that his face turned pale.

"Miss Whitby! May! What do you mean?" He seemed to gasp for breath. "After all, it is only natural that you should not love a great hulking idiot such as I am."

"Miss Whitby! May! What do you mean?" He sounded like he was struggling to breathe. "After all, it's only natural that you wouldn't love a big, clumsy idiot like me."

"You are mistaken. You are not a great hulking idiot. And I do love you. I shall never love anyone but you. It is you who will not love me when you have heard all I have to say."

"You’re wrong. You’re not a big, stupid idiot. And I really do love you. I’ll never love anyone but you. It’s you who won’t love me once you hear everything I have to say."

"What nonsense are you talking?"

"What nonsense are you saying?"

Again he held out his arms to me. And again I shrank away.

Again he reached out his arms to me. And again I pulled away.

"It is not nonsense. I wish it were. So far is it from being nonsense that I felt that I could not be at peace until my conscience was unburdened." I paused. I felt the crucial moment was arriving. My voice sank lower. "Someone else was staying here before you came."

"It’s not nonsense. I wish it were. It’s so far from being nonsense that I felt I couldn't find peace until my conscience was clear." I paused. I sensed the critical moment was approaching. My voice dropped. "Someone else was here before you arrived."

"Yes, I know; Lily told me--a man named Pentland."

"Yeah, I know; Lily told me--a guy named Pentland."

"Oh, Lily told you so much, did she? Did Lily also tell you that the man named Pentland had bad taste enough to fancy that he had fallen in love with me?"

"Oh, so Lily shared a lot with you, did she? Did she also mention that a guy named Pentland has such bad taste that he thinks he’s in love with me?"

"Bad taste, you call it. I know nothing about the man, but there, evidently, can be no sort of doubt about his perfect taste."

"Bad taste, you say. I don’t know anything about the guy, but it's clear there's no doubt about his excellent taste."

"But, Charlie--I mean, Mr. Mason."

"But Charlie—I mean, Mr. Mason."

"You don't--you mean Charlie."

"You don't—you're talking about Charlie."

Dear mamma, once more I sighed. I perceived that it would have to be. Some men are so dictatorial.

Dear Mom, I sighed again. I realized that it had to happen. Some guys are just so bossy.

"The worst of it is that he worried and worried me so--I was staying in the same house, and couldn't get away from him, you see--that he made me almost think I cared for him. But now you have come, and made me see what a mistake it was."

"The worst part is that he worried me so much—I was staying in the same house and couldn't escape him, you know—that he almost made me believe I had feelings for him. But now that you're here, I realize how wrong that was."

"My little love."

"My sweet love."

For the third time he held out his arms to me. And, this time, he took me in them. I could not find it in my heart to resist him any longer; it might be the last time he would ever hold me there. I continued my remarks with my head not very far away from his waistcoat. He smoothed my hair, very softly, with his great right hand.

For the third time, he reached out his arms to me. And this time, he pulled me in. I couldn't bring myself to resist him anymore; it might be the last time he would ever hold me like that. I kept talking with my head close to his waistcoat. He gently stroked my hair with his large right hand.

"Unfortunately, I am not at all sure that Captain Pentland does not think that, in a sort of way, I am engaged to him. Oh, Charlie, whatever shall I do?"

"Unfortunately, I’m not sure at all that Captain Pentland doesn’t think that, in some way, I’m engaged to him. Oh, Charlie, what am I going to do?"

"Tell him the truth. Say that you're sorry for him, poor chap, but even the best regulated girls will make mistakes. I'm the mistake you've made."

"Tell him the truth. Say that you feel bad for him, poor guy, but even the best-behaved girls can mess up. I'm the mistake you made."

I was silent. Then I whispered:

I was quiet. Then I said softly:

"Will you forgive me?"

"Can you forgive me?"

"It strikes me that it is I who ought to ask you to forgive me--for not having been the first to come upon the scene."

"It seems to me that I should be the one to ask you to forgive me—for not being the first to arrive."

This was throwing a new light upon the subject. It had not occurred to me to look at it from that point of view before. But I had not come to the end of my confessions. Dear mamma, how careful we women ought to be! It is these crises in our lives which make us feel what short-sighted mortals we actually are.

This was shedding new light on the subject. I hadn’t thought to look at it from that perspective before. But I hadn’t finished my confessions yet. Dear mom, how careful we women need to be! It’s these crises in our lives that remind us how short-sighted we really are.

"Before Captain Pentland came"--I was pulling at one of the buttons on his waistcoat as I spoke, and I realised what a big heart Charlie's must be, if it was at all in proportion to his chest--"another friend of Lily's was stopping in the house."

"Before Captain Pentland arrived"--I was tugging at one of the buttons on his waistcoat as I spoke, and I realized how big Charlie's heart must be, if it was in any way proportional to his chest--"another friend of Lily's was staying in the house."

"Ye-es."

"Yeah."

I could not help but be conscious of a certain hesitation in his pronunciation of the word.

I couldn't help but notice a bit of hesitation in how he pronounced the word.

"His name was Eliot."

"His name was Eliot."

"Well?"

"What's up?"

There had been a moment's silence before he spoke. And, when he had spoken, there ensued a portentous pause. I hid my face still more from his examining gaze. My voice seemed almost to die away.

There was a brief silence before he spoke. And when he did, there followed an intense pause. I buried my face further from his scrutinizing gaze. My voice felt like it was fading away.

"He, also, professed to bestow on me the gift of his affection."

"He also claimed to give me the gift of his love."

"The devil he did!"

"The devil did it!"

Yes, mamma, that was precisely what he said. It made me shiver. But he was sorry as soon as the words had passed his lips.

Yes, mom, that’s exactly what he said. It sent chills down my spine. But he regretted it as soon as the words left his mouth.

"Forgive me! I didn't mean it! After all, it is only to be expected that every man who sees you will fall in love with you at sight."

"Forgive me! I didn't mean it! After all, it's only natural that every guy who sees you will fall in love with you at first sight."

I wondered if he would talk to me like that in years to come. Do husbands of ten years' standing say such things unto their wives? Oh, how ashamed of myself I felt as I thought of what I still had to admit! Dear mamma, I will try hard never again to do what my conscience tells me is not right. If only we would always listen to the still small voice which seeks to guide us!

I wondered if he would still talk to me like that in the years ahead. Do husbands married for ten years say such things to their wives? Oh, I felt so ashamed as I thought about what I still needed to confess! Dear mom, I will really try not to do what I know in my heart is wrong ever again. If only we could always listen to that quiet little voice that wants to guide us!

"Charlie, you have no notion how foolish I have been! Until you came I had no proper conception of the actualities of existence. Mr. Eliot caused me to confuse the issues just as Captain Pentland did."

"Charlie, you have no idea how foolish I've been! Until you showed up, I had no real understanding of what life is really about. Mr. Eliot made me mix things up just like Captain Pentland did."

He held me out a little way in front of him, trying to look into my face. I was careful not to let him see too much of it. I hung down my head with what, I do hope, mamma, was proper penitence.

He held me out a bit in front of him, trying to see my face. I made sure not to let him see too much of it. I lowered my head with what, I truly hope, mom, was the right amount of remorse.

"Let me know, clearly, where we are, little girl. Am I to understand you to say that both these men asked you to marry them?"

"Tell me straight, kid. Are you saying that both these guys proposed to you?"

"I am afraid, Charlie, that you are to understand something of the kind."

"I’m afraid, Charlie, that you need to understand something like that."

"And that you gave both of them encouragement?"

"And you encouraged both of them?"

I looked up at him--such a look, mamma! My eyes were swimming in tears. I knew he would not tell me to "dry up." My heart seemed to be rising to my lips.

I looked up at him—what a look, Mom! My eyes were filled with tears. I knew he wouldn’t tell me to "stop crying." My heart felt like it was rising to my lips.

"Not real encouragement. I never gave anyone real encouragement, Charlie, till I knew you. Even in your case I fear I ought to have been more reticent. But you cannot have the least idea of what a wide world of love you seem to have opened out to me. Won't you forgive me for encouraging you?"

"Not genuine encouragement. I never really encouraged anyone, Charlie, until I met you. Even with you, I worry I should have held back more. But you have no idea how much love you seem to have opened up for me. Will you forgive me for supporting you?"

Dear mamma, he collapsed. Of what took place during the moments which immediately followed. I can give you no definite description. I know I began to think that the end of the world had come. When he had quite finished, he said:

Dear Mom, he collapsed. I can't give you a clear description of what happened in the moments right after. I just started to think that the end of the world had come. When he was completely done, he said:

"Look here, young lady, what is past is past. We will make no further allusions to what took place before the war. But, in the future, perhaps you will kindly manage not, as you put it, to confuse the issues, but will continue to confine yourself to encouraging me."

"Listen up, young lady, what's done is done. We won’t bring up what happened before the war again. But in the future, maybe you could avoid, as you say, mixing things up, and just focus on encouraging me."

Was it not noble of him? And so sweet! I am persuaded that his character is one of singular beauty.

Wasn’t that noble of him? And so kind! I truly believe that his character is uniquely beautiful.

Dear mamma, the passages which ensued were too sacred even for your dear eyes. When he left me I felt certain it was to dream of him. I know that, all night long, I dreamt of him. And, on my knees, beside my bed, I registered a vow that, in the time to come, I will be as good as I possibly can.

Dear Mom, the moments that followed were too sacred even for your dear eyes. When he left, I was sure it was to dream about him. I know that all night long, I dreamt of him. And, on my knees beside my bed, I made a vow that in the future, I will be as good as I can be.

Do not forget the shoes, and the stockings, and the chocolates! And do give Tom his ring! I am registering this letter, so you are sure to get it safe.

Do not forget the shoes, the stockings, and the chocolates! And make sure to give Tom his ring! I'm sending this letter by registered mail, so you'll definitely receive it safely.

I will bring, or send, Charlie to you, on approval, whenever you please.

I can bring or send Charlie to you for your approval whenever you want.

I am, my dearest mamma,

I am, my dear mom,

Your ever loving daughter,

Your loving daughter,

May.

May.





AUNT JANE'S JALAP.


CHAPTER I.

BEFORE TAKING.


"There's a fortune in it!"

"There's a lot of money in it!"

"For the bottlemakers."

"For the bottle makers."

"If for them, then what for us? We shan't want more bottles than we can sell. Besides, we can make our own bottles if it comes to that. Cost of bottle, contents, cork, label, and all, one penny. Selling price, eightpence. Sale, at a moderate estimate, one million bottles a year. How does that figure for a profit?"

"If that's the case for them, what about us? We don't need more bottles than we can sell. Plus, we can always make our own bottles if needed. The cost for a bottle, contents, cork, label, and everything is one penny. Selling price is eight pence. With a moderate estimate, we could sell about a million bottles a year. What does that work out to for profit?"

"It figures nicely. But give me facts. How long do you suppose it will take us to reach that sale?"

"It makes sense. But I need the facts. How long do you think it will take us to close that deal?"

"No time. The name will sell it! 'Aunt Jane's Jalap!' There isn't an old woman in England who, seeing those words staring her in the face, won't press a longing hand to her inside."

"No time. The name will sell it! 'Aunt Jane's Jalap!' There isn't an old woman in England who, seeing those words right in front of her, won't touch her stomach with a longing hand."

"Outside, I presume, you mean. But no matter."

"Outside, I guess that's what you mean. But it doesn't really matter."

Hughes placed the bottle on the table. He looked at it with loving eyes. Then he shook his head.

Hughes set the bottle down on the table. He gazed at it affectionately. Then he shook his head.

"There's only one thing we want."

"There's just one thing we want."

"Customers?"

"Clients?"

"Testimonials! There's something in it. I know there is."

"Testimonials! There's definitely something to them. I know there is."

"Not much, perhaps, but still something."

"Not a lot, maybe, but still something."

"That bottle, sir, contains a remedy for all known diseases, and all unknown ones, for all that I can tell. In fact, I have a suspicion that it is to the unknown diseases that it will come as the greatest blessing. Patent medicines generally do. Those mysterious maladies which, up to the advent of 'Aunt Jane's Jalap,' have baffled all the resources of medical science. Give me a day or two and I will prove it. I will bring you testimonials which will make your hair stand up on end, and--" He paused, looking me fixedly in the face--"all genuine."

"That bottle, sir, has a cure for all known illnesses, and probably for the unknown ones too, as far as I can tell. Honestly, I think it might be the unknown diseases that benefit the most from it. Patent medicines usually do that. Those mysterious conditions that, until 'Aunt Jane's Jalap' came along, had stumped all of medical science. Give me a day or two and I’ll prove it. I’ll bring you testimonials that will blow your mind, and—" He paused, staring me directly in the face—"they'll all be real."

That evening I had a small dinner-party. It was rather an occasion. The suggestion, I am bound to admit, had come from Margaret.

That evening I hosted a small dinner party. It was quite an event. I have to admit, the idea came from Margaret.

"My dear George, it's the easiest thing in the world, and you could do it nicely! Why don't you ask us to dinner? Aunt and I, and old Pybus to round it off." Square it off, I suspect she meant, because, of course, that would make four with me. But I didn't correct her. "And then you and I could look over the house together--after dinner."

"My dear George, it’s the simplest thing ever, and you could do it well! Why don’t you invite us to dinner? Aunt and I, along with old Pybus to complete the group." I suspect she meant to say 'complete it,' because, of course, that would make four of us including me. But I didn’t correct her. "And then you and I could check out the house together—after dinner."

So I asked them. And they came. Old Pybus said he would be delighted. I don't care for Pybus myself, but Mrs. Chalmers does, and this was an occasion on which her taste had to be consulted rather than mine. And during dinner I began on "Aunt Jane's Jalap."

So I asked them. And they showed up. Old Pybus said he would be happy to come. I’m not a fan of Pybus myself, but Mrs. Chalmers likes him, and this was a situation where her preferences needed to take priority over mine. And during dinner, I started on "Aunt Jane's Jalap."

"Well, it's all settled with Hughes."

"Well, everything's sorted out with Hughes."

I addressed myself to Margaret.

I spoke to Margaret.

"What about?"

"What’s up?"

"'Aunt Jane's Jalap.'"

"Aunt Jane's Jalap."

Mrs. Chalmers put down her spoon. This was while the soup was on.

Mrs. Chalmers set her spoon down. This was while the soup was still being served.

"'Aunt Jane's Jalap!' Whatever's that?"

"'Aunt Jane's Jalap!' What's that?"

"The new patent medicine--the coming boom. You must know that my friend Francis Hughes has a wonderful old nurse, and this wonderful old nurse has the most wonderful medicine, which she used to administer to all her charges. Hughes has obtained the receipt from her."

"The new patent medicine—the next big thing. You should know that my friend Francis Hughes has an amazing old nurse, and this amazing nurse has the most incredible medicine that she used to give to all her patients. Hughes has gotten the recipe from her."

"How much did he give her for it? Half-a-crown?"

"How much did he give her for it? Two and a half shillings?"

I crushed Pybus.

I defeated Pybus.

"That is a private matter, but rather more than half-a-crown."

"That's a private matter, but definitely more than two and a half shillings."

As a plain statement of fact he hadn't given her anything as yet. But, of course, we should both of us see that she made a good thing of it when the sale got up.

As a straightforward fact, he hadn't given her anything yet. But, of course, we should both realize that she benefited when the sale went through.

"I need scarcely observe what fortunes have been made in patent medicines."

"I hardly need to mention the fortunes that have been made in patent medicines."

"And lost in them, my boy."

"And lost in them, my son."

This was just like Pybus--but I let it pass.

This was exactly like Pybus—but I shrugged it off.

"Millions, literally millions, have been made, and, I may safely say, that none of them can compare with 'Aunt Jane's Jalap.'"

"Millions, really millions, have been made, and I can confidently say that none of them compare to 'Aunt Jane's Jalap.'"

"Have you tried the stuff upon yourself?"

"Have you tried it?"

"No, Pybus, I have not. I am ready at any time to try it upon you. Well, Hughes has supplied the medicine, and I am going to supply part of the capital."

"No, Pybus, I haven’t. I’m ready at any time to test it on you. Well, Hughes has provided the medicine, and I’m going to contribute part of the funding."

"What part?"

"Which part?"

"That is another private matter, Pybus. Sufficient, I trust, to bring the matter before the public eye."

"That's another private issue, Pybus. Hopefully, it’s enough to bring this matter into the public eye."

"Don't you think the name is rather a funny one?--'Aunt Jane's Jalap!'"

"Don't you think the name is kind of funny?--'Aunt Jane's Jalap!'"

This was hard, coming from Margaret.

This was tough, coming from Margaret.

"My dear Margaret, the name is half the battle. Hughes thinks it's a splendid one."

"My dear Margaret, the name is half the struggle. Hughes thinks it’s a great one."

"But don't you think it makes one think of indigestion?"

"But don't you think it makes you think of indigestion?"

"That's exactly what it's meant to do."

"That's exactly what it's meant to do."

"Before, or afterwards?"

"Before or after?"

This, of course, was Pybus.

This was Pybus, of course.

"Let those laugh who win. Wait till you see the name blazoned on every dead wall. Then you'll welcome 'Aunt Jane's Jalap' as a friend."

"Let those who win laugh. Just wait until you see the name splashed on every empty wall. Then you'll see 'Aunt Jane's Jalap' as a friend."

That dinner, I confess, was a little patent mediciney. More than once I rather wished that I had kept the subject out of it. Pybus told some pleasant and characteristic anecdotes about injurious effects of patent medicines. How he had known whole families killed by taking them. How more than half the infant mortality of Great Britain was owing to their unrestricted sale. How the habit of taking patent medicines was worse than the habit of dram drinking, and the why, and the wherefore, and so on. I could not, at my own table, take the man by the scruff of the neck and drop him from the first floor window. But I know that Margaret didn't like it--and I didn't either. Mrs. Chalmers seemed undecided. She herself swears by some noxious compound, which is absurdly named "Daddy's Delight," and which I know, by the mere smell of it, is nothing else but poison.

That dinner, I admit, felt a bit like a sales pitch for patent medicine. More than once, I wished I had steered clear of the topic. Pybus shared some entertaining and typical stories about the harmful effects of patent medicines. He mentioned how he had seen entire families harmed by them, how more than half of infant deaths in Great Britain were due to their unrestricted sale, and how the reliance on patent medicines was worse than alcohol addiction, explaining why and how. I couldn’t, at my own table, grab him by the collar and throw him out the window. But I knew Margaret didn’t like it—and neither did I. Mrs. Chalmers seemed unsure. She swears by some harmful concoction that’s ridiculously called "Daddy's Delight," and I can tell just by the smell that it’s nothing but poison.

"Have you any of the stuff in the house?" she asked.

"Do you have any of that stuff in the house?" she asked.

"I have a bottle of 'Aunt Jane's Jalap,' which is not stuff, my dear Mrs. Chalmers, but a most invaluable medicine. Hughes brought it this afternoon as a sample."

"I have a bottle of 'Aunt Jane's Jalap,' which isn’t junk, my dear Mrs. Chalmers, but a really valuable medicine. Hughes brought it this afternoon as a sample."

"Trot it out," said Pybus.

"Bring it out," said Pybus.

Pybus is fifty-five, if he is a day, but he uses the slang of a schoolboy. I was not going to act on such a hint as that, but when Mrs. Chalmers expressed a wish to look at it I fetched the bottle. It was a small black bottle, such as is used for "samples" of wines, about quarter-bottle size. I held it in my hand.

Pybus is fifty-five, if he's a day, but he talks like a schoolboy. I wasn't going to take such a hint seriously, but when Mrs. Chalmers said she wanted to see it, I went and got the bottle. It was a small black bottle, like the ones used for wine samples, about the size of a quarter-bottle. I held it in my hand.

"This, ladies and gentlemen, is 'Aunt Jane's Jalap.' It is a name which I trust will soon be familiar in your mouths as household words. This, however, is its first appearance on the scene, and I propose, to mark the importance of the occasion, that we drink to its success. I propose, ladies and gentlemen, that we drink to 'Aunt Jane's Jalap' in 'Aunt Jane's Jalap.' Brooks, bring four claret glasses."

"This, everyone, is 'Aunt Jane's Jalap.' I hope it will soon be as familiar to you as everyday words. This is its first introduction, and to celebrate the occasion, I suggest we raise a toast to its success. I propose, everyone, that we drink to 'Aunt Jane's Jalap' in 'Aunt Jane's Jalap.' Brooks, bring four claret glasses."

I drew the cork.

I pulled the cork.

"George, you don't mean that we're to drink the stuff?"

"George, you can’t be serious that we’re supposed to drink this stuff?"

"I do, my dear Margaret, why not? The dose is a wine-glassful, to be taken immediately after meals. Mrs. Chalmers, allow me to offer you a glass of 'Aunt Jane's Jalap.'"

"I do, my dear Margaret, why not? The dose is a wine glass full, to be taken right after meals. Mrs. Chalmers, let me offer you a glass of 'Aunt Jane's Jalap.'"

She sniffed at it.

She took a whiff of it.

"It has a very disagreeable smell."

"It has a really bad smell."

That was good. I protest that I have smelt "Daddy's Delight" when I was passing the house, and took it--till I knew better--for drains.

That was nice. I insisted that I smelled "Daddy's Delight" when I walked by the house and thought it—until I found out otherwise—was the smell of sewage.

"Margaret, a glass of 'Aunt Jane's Jalap.'"

"Margaret, a glass of 'Aunt Jane's Jalap.'"

"But, George, I assure you that I never do take medicine."

"But, George, I promise you that I never take medicine."

"Some people's wine is no better than medicine. We drink that, and pretend we like it. Why not jalap?"

"Some people's wine is no better than medicine. We drink it and pretend to enjoy it. Why not jalap?"

This was Pybus! As he had just before been making insinuations about my wine, the allusion was pointed. But the man's proverbial.

This was Pybus! Since he had just been hinting at my wine, the reference was obvious. But the guy's a cliché.

"No heeltraps--'Aunt Jane's Jalap'--with the honours!"

"No heel traps--'Aunt Jane's Jalap'--with the honors!"

We all stood up. I drained my glass. I immediately wished I hadn't. The others drained their glasses. I saw they wished they hadn't too. I do not think I ever tasted anything quite so nasty. I wished I had sampled it before. As it was, it took me by surprise, so much by surprise that my first impulse was to fly for shelter. It was like--well, the taste was really so exceedingly disagreeable that comparison fails me.

We all got up. I finished my drink and immediately regretted it. The others emptied their glasses too, and I could tell they regretted it as well. I don’t think I’ve ever tasted anything that horrible. I wished I had tried it first. As it was, it caught me off guard—so much so that my first instinct was to run for cover. It was like—well, the taste was so incredibly unpleasant that I can’t even compare it to anything.

"It is a case of kill or cure," observed Pybus, with the most extraordinary expression of countenance I ever saw. "The man who takes much of that stuff will be killed if he isn't cured. Death for me, rather than 'Aunt Jane's Jalap'--if it is jalap."

"It’s a matter of life or death," Pybus remarked, with the most striking look on his face I’ve ever seen. "Anyone who takes too much of that stuff will end up dead if they don’t get better. I’d rather die than have 'Aunt Jane's Jalap'—if it's even jalap."

"It is rather pungent," I owned.

"It is quite strong," I admitted.

"I don't know about pungent," continued Pybus, who certainly seemed to be suffering; "but with ice pudding it's a failure."

"I can't speak for pungent," Pybus continued, clearly feeling the unpleasant effects, "but this ice pudding is a disaster."

"Never," declared Mrs. Chalmers, who was leaning back in her chair, and had her handkerchief in her hand, "never did I taste anything like it! Never! and after dinner, too!"

"Never," said Mrs. Chalmers, who was leaning back in her chair with a handkerchief in her hand, "I have never tasted anything like it! Never! And after dinner, too!"

Margaret's feelings seemed for the moment to be too strong for speech. I perceived the thing had been a failure. Still, I endeavoured to pass it off, which was difficult, for I myself felt really ill.

Margaret's emotions seemed too intense to put into words. I realized that it had been a failure. Still, I tried to brush it off, which was challenging, as I genuinely felt unwell.

"Ah! it is to the after effects we must look forward."

"Ah! we must look forward to the aftereffects."

"It is the after effects I'm thinking of," said Pybus.

"It’s the aftermath I’m thinking about," said Pybus.

That was almost more than I could bear; it was the after effects I was thinking of as well.

That was almost more than I could handle; I was also thinking about the aftermath.

"Come, let's adjourn and have a little music."

"Come on, let's take a break and enjoy some music."

"Have we finished the bottle of jalap?" inquired Pybus.

"Have we finished the bottle of jalap?" Pybus asked.

"I really must apologise; I confess I had no idea what a peculiar taste it had; it certainly is peculiar." Mrs. Chalmers put her handkerchief up to her eyes.

"I really must apologize; I admit I had no idea how strange it tasted; it definitely is strange." Mrs. Chalmers brought her handkerchief to her eyes.

"And after dinner, too!"

"And after dinner, also!"

We accompanied the ladies to the drawing-room, as well as we could. Pybus went with Mrs. Chalmers, I took Margaret. As we went I whispered in her ear:

We walked the ladies to the drawing room as best as we could. Pybus went with Mrs. Chalmers, and I took Margaret. As we walked, I whispered in her ear:

"Now, you and I can look over the house together."

"Now, we can check out the house together."

"I am afraid, George, you must excuse me. I--I couldn't walk about just yet. Do take me to a chair!"

"I’m sorry, George, but you have to excuse me. I—I can’t walk around just yet. Please take me to a chair!"

We had planned that we would examine the house together from attic to basement; indeed, the whole affair had been got up for that express purpose. Everything was in apple-pie order and ready for inspection. The servants were on the tiptoe of expectation. As we went, Margaret was to make suggestions for alterations which would fit the house for its mistress. And opportunities might arise for a little confidential intercourse. But, of course, I could not drag the girl about the place against her will. Love works wonders. But there are circumstances which prove too strong.

We had planned to go through the house together, from attic to basement; in fact, everything was arranged specifically for that. Everything was in perfect condition and ready for us to check out. The staff was eager with anticipation. As we moved through the house, Margaret was supposed to suggest changes that would make it suitable for its new owner. There might also be chances for some private conversation. However, I couldn't force her to walk around the place if she didn't want to. Love can work miracles, but there are definitely situations that are just too overwhelming.

The atmosphere of the drawing-room was depressing. It was no use my talking to Margaret, because she wouldn't talk to me. And general conversation seemed out of the question. So I tried another line.

The vibe in the living room was really down. It was pointless to talk to Margaret since she wouldn’t respond. Plus, general chit-chat seemed impossible. So, I decided to try a different approach.

"Pybus, give us a song." (Pybus thinks he can sing. He may have been able to--once.) "Here's 'Drink to me only.' That's a favourite of yours." (You should hear him sing it.) "Margaret will play the accompaniment."

"Pybus, give us a song." (Pybus thinks he can sing. He might have been able to—once.) "Here’s 'Drink to Me Only.' That’s a favorite of yours." (You should hear him sing it.) "Margaret will play the accompaniment."

"Lucas," he said, "Do you think, by any chance, that dose of jalap was too strong? I ask the question because I remember, when I was a boy, hearing of a family being poisoned by an overdose of jalap. In their case they took it by mistake. Though, judging from the taste of your jalap, I can't see how that could be. Still, if there is likely to be any danger it is as well that we should be prepared for it."

"Lucas," he said, "Do you think, by any chance, that that dose of jalap was too strong? I ask because I remember hearing about a family getting poisoned from an overdose of jalap when I was a kid. They took it by mistake. Still, judging by the taste of your jalap, I can't see how that could happen. But if there's a chance of any danger, we should be prepared for it."

"Margaret," murmured Mrs. Chalmers, "let's go home."

"Margaret," whispered Mrs. Chalmers, "let's head home."

"Why, aunt? It will pass off in time."

"Why, Aunt? It will get better eventually."

In time! At that moment I heartily wished that Hughes had been at Jericho before he induced me to dabble in his patent medicines. I always did hate them, even as a child.

In time! At that moment, I really wished that Hughes had been in Jericho before he got me involved with his patent medicines. I’ve always hated them, even as a kid.

"It is quite impossible," continued Pybus, "that the sensations which I am now experiencing are the ordinary and natural outcome of a dose of jalap."

"It’s totally impossible," Pybus continued, "that the feelings I’m having right now are just the usual and natural result of taking some jalap."

"Margaret," groaned Mrs. Chalmers, "I insist upon your coming home."

"Margaret," sighed Mrs. Chalmers, "I insist that you come home."

"Aunt, what is the use of going home?"

"Aunt, what's the point of going home?"

"You haven't got a book in the house, Lucas, treating of poisons?"

"You don’t have a book on poisons in the house, Lucas?"

"I wish you wouldn't talk like that, Pybus. It really is unfair. I quite perceive that I made a mistake in administering the dose after dinner; in fact, I am myself inclined to believe that I misunderstood Hughes, and that the dose ought to be administered before a meal."

"I wish you wouldn't talk like that, Pybus. It's really unfair. I realize I made a mistake by giving the dose after dinner; in fact, I actually think I misunderstood Hughes, and that the dose should be given before a meal."

"Good God!"

"Oh my God!"

"Pybus!"

"Pybus!"

"I can't help it. I really cannot help it, sir. The idea of a reasonable person voluntarily swallowing such a concoction as that before his dinner is enough to make any man profane!"

"I can't help it. I really can't help it, sir. The thought of a rational person willingly drinking something like that before dinner is enough to make anyone curse!"

"I don't think, Mr. Lucas," murmured Mrs. Chalmers, "that you have the least idea how ill I feel."

"I don't think, Mr. Lucas," Mrs. Chalmers said quietly, "that you have any idea how unwell I feel."

"My dear Mrs. Chalmers, if--if there is anything I can do for you." "Yes," said Pybus, "another bottle."

"My dear Mrs. Chalmers, if there's anything I can do for you." "Yes," Pybus said, "another bottle."



CHAPTER II

AFTER TAKING.


Just then Brooks came in.

Then Brooks walked in.

"Mr. Hughes, sir, wishes to speak to you."

"Mr. Hughes wants to talk to you."

"Excuse me one moment--I'll be back directly."

"Hold on a second—I’ll be right back."

I found Hughes waiting for me in my snuggery.

I found Hughes waiting for me in my cozy little room.

"Sorry to interrupt you, old man, but I just called in to prevent accidents."

"Sorry to interrupt you, old man, but I just called in to prevent any accidents."

"What do you mean?"

"What do you mean?"

"You know that bottle I brought you this afternoon. I thought it was 'Aunt Jane's Jalap,' but it isn't. I found it out directly I got home. You see, I keep all sorts of bottles in my cupboard--regular chemist's shop!--and I caught hold of the wrong one by mistake."

"You know that bottle I brought you this afternoon? I thought it was 'Aunt Jane's Jalap,' but it's not. I figured that out as soon as I got home. You see, I keep all kinds of bottles in my cupboard—it's like a regular pharmacy!—and I accidentally grabbed the wrong one."

"Not 'Aunt Jane's Jalap!'"

"Not 'Aunt Jane's Salsa!'"

"No, it's laudanum."

"No, it's opium tincture."

"Laudanum? Hughes!"

"Laudanum? Hughes!"

"The fact is--Lucas!--What's the matter?--You don't mean to say you have been drinking some?"

"The truth is—Lucas!—What’s wrong?—You can’t be saying you’ve been drinking, right?"

"Is--is it poison?"

"Is it poison?"

"Poison!--Why, it's pure laudanum!"

"Poison! It's pure laudanum!"

"Would--would a wineglassful do any harm?"

"Would a glass of wine do any harm?"

"A wineglassful! Lucas, old man, don't say you've drank a wineglassful!"

"A glass of wine! Lucas, old man, don’t tell me you’ve had a glass of wine!"

"We all have."

"We all do."

"All have!"

"Everyone has!"

"Margaret, and Mrs. Chalmers, and Pybus.

"Margaret, Mrs. Chalmers, and Pybus."

"Great powers!"

"Superpowers!"

"We--we thought it was 'Aunt Jane's Jalap,' and we drank to its success."

"We thought it was 'Aunt Jane's Jalap,' and we toasted to its success."

"Are they dead?"

"Are they gone?"

"Dead! Hughes!"

"Dead! Hughes!"

"How long ago is it since they took it?"

"How long ago did they take it?"

"Not long. After dinner."

"Not long after dinner."

"But--a wineglassful! Are they conscious?"

"But—a glassful! Are they aware?"

"They were when I just now left them. But they weren't feeling well. I--I'm not either. We couldn't understand it. This--this explains it. Hughes, you--you've murdered us!"

"They were when I just left them. But they weren't feeling well. I—I’m not either. We couldn’t figure it out. This—this explains it. Hughes, you—you’ve killed us!"

"Never mind, old man. Keep your head; I'll pull you through. Trust all to me. The great thing in a case like this is to keep your head. Don't sit down; keep yourself in constant circulation! Just one second! Brooks! Brooks! Run, Brooks, to the nearest doctor, and then to half-a-dozen others, and tell them there's a case of laudanum poisoning, and they're to come at once."

"Don't worry, old man. Stay calm; I'll help you. Just trust me. The most important thing in a situation like this is to stay composed. Don't sit down; keep moving! Just a second! Brooks! Brooks! Run, Brooks, to the nearest doctor, and then to five or six others, and tell them there's a case of laudanum poisoning and that they need to come immediately."

"Laudanum poisoning, sir! What, in the house?"

"Laudanum poisoning, sir! What, inside the house?"

"Yes, in the house. Don't stand there like a pig in a fit. It's a question of life or death!"

"Yes, in the house. Don't just stand there like a deer in headlights. It's a matter of life or death!"

"One moment, sir, while I get my hat."

"Just a second, sir, while I grab my hat."

"Go without your hat. Here; take mine. Now, run for your life. Remember, if anything happens through you, you will be held responsible in the eyes of the law. Come along, Lucas, let's go in to them. Keep yourself awake, old man; jump about. Don't say a word to them about what has happened. Don't let them even suspect from your manner that anything is wrong. The great thing is to keep them in entire ignorance. And keep cool--keep cool."

"Go without your hat. Here, take mine. Now, run for your life. Remember, if anything happens because of you, you’ll be held accountable in the eyes of the law. Come on, Lucas, let's go in and face them. Stay alert, old man; keep moving. Don't mention what’s happened to them. Don't let them catch on from your behavior that anything is off. The main thing is to keep them completely in the dark. And stay calm—stay calm."

He gave a jerk at my arm which almost pulled me forward on my face.

He tugged at my arm, nearly making me fall flat on my face.

"I say, Hughes, don't!"

"Seriously, Hughes, don’t!"

"But I must, old man, I must. I must keep you alive, at any cost. Oh, Lucas, old man, if anything should happen---- But I won't talk like that, or I shall make a fool of myself. Come along, old man, and mind what I say. Keep cool."

"But I have to, old man, I really have to. I need to keep you alive, no matter what. Oh, Lucas, old man, if anything happens---- But I won't speak like that, or I'll just embarrass myself. Let's go, old man, and pay attention to what I say. Stay calm."

We went along--that is to say, he took me by the arm and dragged me towards the drawing-room. My emotions I am unable to describe. I always think that when a man is able to describe his emotions he hasn't had any worth describing. But through it all I had a dim perception that, in spite of his repeated adjurations, Hughes himself kept anything but cool. Outside the drawing-room door I brought the procession to a standstill. I gripped his arm.

We moved along—I mean, he grabbed me by the arm and pulled me toward the living room. I can't really explain what I was feeling. I always think that if someone can explain their emotions, they haven't really felt anything worth explaining. But through everything, I had a vague sense that, despite his constant urging, Hughes was far from calm. Right outside the living room door, I stopped us in our tracks. I held onto his arm tightly.

"Hughes, do you think that she will die?"

"Hughes, do you think she's going to die?"

"Who?"

"Who's there?"

"Margaret."

"Margaret."

"Nonsense! Don't I tell you no one's going to die? For goodness' sake don't talk like that. Don't I keep telling you to keep cool?"

"Nonsense! Didn't I say no one's going to die? For goodness' sake, stop talking like that. Don't I keep telling you to stay calm?"

He did. But it was scarcely with an air of coolness that he threw the door wide open, and with so much force that it seemed as if he were trying to wrench it from its hinges. I fancy our entry made a slight sensation. It was strange if it didn't. They were certainly not unconscious--yet! Even amidst my own agitation it was with quite a sensation of relief that I perceived so much. Mrs. Chalmers was reclining on the couch, with her head thrown back, and a look about her which I did not like. Margaret was on a settee, seeming as though the proceedings had lost all interest for her. Pybus sat in an arm chair, his hands crossed upon his stomach.

He did. But he didn’t exactly open the door casually; he swung it wide open with such force that it seemed like he was trying to rip it off its hinges. I think our arrival created quite a stir. It would be odd if it didn’t. They were definitely aware—at least not yet! Even with my own anxiety, I felt a sense of relief noticing that much. Mrs. Chalmers was lying on the couch, her head thrown back, wearing a look that I found unsettling. Margaret was on a settee, appearing completely uninterested in what was happening. Pybus was sitting in an armchair, his hands resting on his stomach.

"Good evening," said Hughes. I could see he did not like the look of things. "I--I've just dropped in."

"Good evening," Hughes said. I could tell he wasn't happy with how things looked. "I—I just stopped by."

Pybus rose.

Pybus stood up.

"I'm just dropping out. Good evening, Lucas. I have to thank you for a very pleasant evening. I'll send you the doctor's bill when I get it."

"I'm just leaving. Good evening, Lucas. I really appreciate the nice evening. I'll send you the doctor's bill when it arrives."

Hughes looked at me, then at Pybus.

Hughes glanced at me, then at Pybus.

"You're not going, Mr. Pybus?"

"You're not going, Mr. Pybus?"

"Do you wish me to be ill here?"

"Do you want me to be sick here?"

"But I was looking forward to a song, or a dance, or something."

"But I was really hoping for a song, or a dance, or something."

"Dance! I feel like dancing; and singing, too. I've been the victim of an outrage, Mr. Hughes. I've been introduced to 'Aunt Jane's Jalap.'"

"Dance! I feel like dancing, and singing too. I've been wronged, Mr. Hughes. I've been introduced to 'Aunt Jane's Jalap.'"

"I've heard of it. Lucas ought not to have given it you."

"I've heard about it. Lucas shouldn't have given it to you."

"And after dinner!"

"And then after dinner!"

This was a murmur from the couch.

This was a whisper from the couch.

"That was wrong--quite wrong. The dose should have been administered before the meal."

"That was wrong—very wrong. The dose should have been given before the meal."

"In that case," I observed, a little nettled, "we should all of us been dead by now."

"In that case," I said, a bit irritated, "we all should have been dead by now."

Pybus glanced at me sharply.

Pybus shot me a sharp look.

"Dead! What do you mean?"

"Dead! What are you talking about?"

Hughes turned on me in a rage.

Hughes snapped at me in anger.

"Yes. What do you mean?"

"Yes. What do you mean?"

I felt I had made a mistake.

I felt like I had messed up.

"I--I mean nothing. Only--only I think Hughes was as much to blame as I was."

"I— I mean nothing. It’s just that I think Hughes was just as much to blame as I was."

Hughes took Pybus away. They went to Mrs. Chalmers. So far as I could judge, the lady was rapidly sinking into a lethargic condition. I remained standing where I was. I began gradually to realise my situation--the approaching tragedy in which, by fate or circumstance, I was cast as an actor. A strange leaden feeling seemed to be stealing over me, but, in spite of it, I began to understand that at any moment the drawing-room, this drawing-room, my drawing-room, might be strewed with corpses. I knew nothing of the effects of laudanum poisoning, but Hughes seemed to be surprised that we were not all of us dead already. Here was Margaret, the woman I loved best in all the world, upon my right. There was her aunt, for whom, I own, my love was less, upon the couch. There was old Pybus. That old man's blood was also on my hands.

Hughes took Pybus away. They went to see Mrs. Chalmers. From what I could gather, the lady was quickly sinking into a lethargic state. I stayed put, gradually realizing my situation—the impending tragedy in which, by fate or circumstance, I was a participant. A strange, heavy feeling began to wash over me, but despite that, I started to grasp that at any moment this drawing-room—my drawing-room—might be filled with corpses. I had no idea about the effects of laudanum poisoning, but Hughes seemed surprised that none of us were dead yet. Here was Margaret, the woman I loved most in the world, sitting on my right. There was her aunt, for whom my feelings were less strong, lying on the couch. There was old Pybus. That old man's blood was also on my hands.

What would they call me? A suicide? The irony! In the full flush of health and strength, with fortune, all the world before me, and a wife. A wife whom I loved with a great fulness of love which was quite old-fashioned. I had wrought this hecatomb. I felt impelled to scream aloud. To warn my victims of the frightful fate which was stealing fast upon them, and of which they were still unconscious.

What would they call me? A suicide? The irony! In the peak of health and strength, with luck on my side, the whole world ahead of me, and a wife. A wife whom I loved with a deep, old-fashioned kind of love. I had created this disaster. I felt driven to scream out loud. To warn my victims about the terrible fate that was quickly approaching them, of which they were still unaware.

Someone touched me on the arm. I turned. It was Margaret!

Someone tapped me on the arm. I turned around. It was Margaret!

"George, what is the matter?"

"George, what's wrong?"

"Margaret!"

"Margaret!"

My voice trembled. There was a choking in my throat. I wished to take her in my arms before them all. It might be a last embrace.

My voice shook. I felt a lump in my throat. I wanted to pull her into my arms in front of everyone. It might be our last hug.

"George, tell me, what is wrong?"

"George, what's up?"

I made an effort to pull myself together.

I made an effort to get myself together.

"Oh! there's nothing wrong. I--I'm only a bit upset."

"Oh! there's nothing wrong. I--I'm just a little upset."

She put her arm through mine. She led me across the room. I required leading. She drew me into an alcove, which was formed by a window bay.

She linked her arm with mine and guided me across the room. I needed her to lead the way. She pulled me into a little nook created by a window bay.

"Now, George, tell me what is wrong. I know there is something wrong. Tell me what it is."

"Now, George, tell me what's wrong. I know something's bothering you. Just let me know what it is."

I was at a loss for words. I trifled with her.

I was speechless. I messed around with her.

"Margaret! What do you mean?"

"Margaret! What do you mean?"

"George, was"--her voice sank to a whisper--"was there anything wrong about that stuff you gave us?"

"George, was"—her voice dropped to a whisper—"was there anything wrong with that stuff you gave us?"

What could I say to her?

What should I say to her?

"It--it was a mistake drinking it after dinner."

"It was a mistake to drink it after dinner."

"Is that all? Was it the right stuff, George?"

"Is that it? Was it the right thing, George?"

"It--it was the stuff Hughes gave me."

"It was the stuff Hughes gave me."

"You are trifling with me? I know that there is something wrong. I can see it in your manner and in Mr. Hughes's. See how strangely Mr. Hughes is behaving now."

"You’re messing with me? I know something's off. I can see it in the way you and Mr. Hughes are acting. Look at how weird Mr. Hughes is behaving now."

I peeped round the corner. Hughes was behaving strangely. He was frantically urging Mrs. Chalmers to stand up and dance, though anyone looking less like dancing than she did I never saw. He was evidently forgetting his own axiom--keep cool. A curious qualm came over me. Almost without knowing it I leaned for support against the wall.

I peeked around the corner. Hughes was acting oddly. He was desperately trying to get Mrs. Chalmers to stand up and dance, even though she looked like the last person who would want to dance. He was clearly forgetting his own rule—stay calm. A strange feeling washed over me. Almost without realizing it, I leaned against the wall for support.

"George! What is the matter? You are ill."

"George! What’s wrong? You look sick."

Margaret's eager face looked into mine.

Margaret's excited face looked into mine.

"It will be all right in a minute."

"It'll be fine in a minute."

"It won't! I know it won't! Tell me what it is. There was something the matter with that stuff you gave us. I knew it directly I had swallowed it. Do you think I am a coward? Do you think I am afraid? But it is only fair that you should tell me. If you won't tell me, George, I will go to Mr. Hughes and insist upon his telling me."

"It won't! I know it won't! Just tell me what it is. There was something off about that stuff you gave us. I realized it the moment I swallowed it. Do you think I'm a coward? Do you think I'm scared? But it's only fair that you should tell me. If you won't tell me, George, I'm going to go to Mr. Hughes and make him tell me."

"Don't, Margaret. The doctor will be here directly."

"Don’t, Margaret. The doctor will be here soon."

"The doctor?" She drew herself straight up. A strange look came into her eyes.

"The doctor?" She straightened up. A strange look appeared in her eyes.

She spoke almost in a whisper. "What is the doctor coming for?"

She spoke almost in a whisper. "Why is the doctor coming?"

"Hughes thought that he had better come."

"Hughes thought it would be better for him to come."

"Is it so bad as that? George, what was that stuff you gave us?"

"Is it really that bad? George, what was that stuff you gave us?"

"I have not said that it was anything. The--the dose was too strong."

"I didn't say it was anything. The dose was just too strong."

"Was it poison?"

"Was it poisoned?"

"Margaret!"

"Margaret!"

I took her two hands in mine. She came into my arms. I held her to my breast.

I took her hands in mine. She stepped into my arms. I held her close to my chest.

"Was it poison? If you love me half as much as I love you you will tell me, George."

"Was it poison? If you love me even a fraction as much as I love you, you'll tell me, George."

"Margaret!"

"Margaret!"

"What poison was it?"

"What was the poison?"

"Laudanum!"

"Opium!"

She drew herself away from me. She looked at me with her great wide open eyes. Then her eyes were closed. Before I had the least suspicion of what was going to happen she had fallen to the ground. I knelt beside her.

She pulled away from me. She looked at me with her big, wide-open eyes. Then her eyes shut. Before I even had a hint of what was about to happen, she collapsed to the ground. I knelt next to her.

"Margaret!" I cried. I cried to her in vain. I was seized with a great horror. "She is dead!" I exclaimed.

"Margaret!" I shouted. I shouted to her for nothing. A deep dread washed over me. "She’s dead!" I said.

Hughes came running forward. I almost sprang at him.

Hughes ran up to me. I nearly leaped at him.

"You have killed her!"

"You've killed her!"

"Don't be an idiot, Lucas! She can't be dead!"

"Don't be stupid, Lucas! She can't be dead!"

"She is dead. And it is your work. For the matter of that, all our blood is upon your head. But we shall not die alone. You shall come, too, my friend."

"She’s dead. And it’s your fault. Because of that, all our blood is on your hands. But we won’t die alone. You’ll join us, my friend."

"If you don't take your hands away, Lucas, I shall have to do you a mischief."

"If you don't get your hands away, Lucas, I'm going to have to do something to you."

"Mr. Lucas! Mr. Hughes! Have you both of you gone mad? Are you aware that there are ladies present?"

"Mr. Lucas! Mr. Hughes! Have you both lost your minds? Are you aware that there are ladies here?"

The interference came from Pybus. He dragged us asunder. He showed more presence of mind, and more coolness, too, than I had credited him with. He was a great deal calmer than either Lucas or I.

The interference came from Pybus. He pulled us apart. He showed a lot more composure and coolness than I expected. He was much calmer than either Lucas or me.

"What is the meaning of this extraordinary behaviour? And what is the matter with Miss Hammond?"

"What’s the meaning of this strange behavior? And what’s going on with Miss Hammond?"

"He has killed her."

"He killed her."

"Who has killed her?"

"Who killed her?"

"That scamp; with his infernal negligence."

"That troublemaker, with his annoying carelessness."

"I don't in the least understand you. And I think that instead of wrangling here your attentions were better bestowed upon Miss Hammond."

"I don't understand you at all. I think that instead of arguing here, it would be better for you to focus your attention on Miss Hammond."

I threw myself at her side. I was like a man distraught in the whirlwind of conflicting emotions which came sweeping over me.

I threw myself down beside her. I felt like a guy overwhelmed by a storm of mixed emotions that hit me all at once.

"My darling! Oh, my darling! I shall soon be with you. Already the poison is stealing through my veins. May my end be as rapid as was yours. Why doesn't the doctor come? I don't believe that you have sent for him. Go and fetch him."

"My darling! Oh, my darling! I’ll be with you soon. The poison is already spreading through my veins. I hope my end is as fast as yours was. Why isn't the doctor here? I don’t think you actually called him. Go get him."

Again I sprang at Hughes. And again Pybus interposed.

Again, I lunged at Hughes. And once more, Pybus stepped in.

"Mr. Lucas, may I ask for an explanation of your singular conduct? Has Miss Hammond fainted?"

"Mr. Lucas, can I ask you to explain your unusual behavior? Has Miss Hammond passed out?"

"Fainted! He has poisoned her!"

"Fainted! He poisoned her!"

"Poisoned her!"

"She poisoned her!"

"Yes, and you and me and all of us! We all, like her, are doomed to die."

"Yeah, and you, me, and everyone! We're all, like her, destined to die."

"Mr. Lucas!"

"Mr. Lucas!"

"Lucas, you're--you're mad, you know."

"Lucas, you’re—you're upset, you know."

This was Hughes. But a piercing scream came from the couch.

This was Hughes. But a sharp scream came from the couch.

"I knew that I was poisoned!"

"I realized that I had been poisoned!"

Mrs. Chalmers might know that she was poisoned, but that was no reason why, on the strength of her knowledge, she should develope violent hysterics, which she immediately did. I had never seen so much of the man in Pybus as he showed just then. He gave one look at Mrs. Chalmers, and then he turned to Hughes.

Mrs. Chalmers might have known she was poisoned, but that didn’t mean she should freak out, which is exactly what she did. I had never seen so much of the real Pybus as I did at that moment. He glanced at Mrs. Chalmers and then turned to Hughes.

"Mr. Hughes, will you be so good as to tell me if there is any meaning in Mr. Lucas's words?"

"Mr. Hughes, could you please tell me if there’s any meaning in Mr. Lucas’s words?"

Hughes was ghastly white.

Hughes was extremely pale.

"The great point is to bring Miss Hammond back to life again. While we are talking here she may be dying at our feet. I appeal to your manhood, Mr. Pybus, to help me bring her back to consciousness."

"The main goal is to bring Miss Hammond back to life. While we’re chatting here, she might be dying right in front of us. I urge your sense of responsibility, Mr. Pybus, to help me restore her consciousness."

Hughes knelt down by Margaret. Pybus turned to me.

Hughes knelt down next to Margaret. Pybus looked at me.

"What does he mean?" he said.

"What does he mean?" he asked.

I did not answer. I knelt down by Hughes. He had my darling's hand in his. I saw that he was putting great restraint upon himself. Beads of perspiration were on his brow.

I didn't respond. I knelt down beside Hughes. He was holding my sweetheart's hand in his. I could see that he was really trying to control himself. Sweat was beading on his forehead.

"She is not dead," he stammered. "She is in a faint or something. At any cost we must bring her back to consciousness. Be a man, Lucas, and help me. Her life should be even more precious to you than to me."

"She’s not dead," he stuttered. "She’s just unconscious or something. We have to bring her back to her senses, no matter what. Step up, Lucas, and help me. Her life should mean even more to you than it does to me."

"Don't talk like that, Hughes. Don't you see that I am nearly mad already? What can I do?"

"Don't talk like that, Hughes. Can't you see that I'm almost losing it already? What am I supposed to do?"

"Help me to raise her."

"Help me raise her."

Between us we raised her to a perpendicular position.

Between us, we lifted her to a vertical position.

"Mr. Pybus, can I trouble you to order some brandy? Stay, she is coming back to life again!"

"Mr. Pybus, could you please order some brandy? Wait, she's coming back to life!"

She was. She sighed. She opened her eyes, as if she were waking out of sleep. She turned to me.

She was. She sighed. She opened her eyes, like she was waking up from sleep. She turned to me.

"George!"

"George!"

"My darling!"

"My love!"

I caught her in my arms. I held her to my breast. What mattered it if there were others there? We were standing by an open grave!

I caught her in my arms. I held her close. What did it matter if there were others around? We were standing by an open grave!

"I do so love you, George!"

"I totally love you, George!"

She was dreaming. She thought we were alone.

She was dreaming. She thought we were the only ones here.

"Margaret!"

"Margaret!"

I kissed her. Something caused her to look round. There was old Pybus standing at her side. She drew herself away from me. She blushed a rosy red; then her glance travelled round the room. She pressed her hands against her bosom. A startled look came into her eyes.

I kissed her. Something made her look around. There was old Pybus right next to her. She pulled away from me. Her face turned a rosy red; then her gaze swept around the room. She pressed her hands against her chest. A surprised look appeared in her eyes.

"Then--it wasn't all a dream."

"Then—it wasn't just a dream."

Hughes slipped his arm through hers.

Hughes linked his arm with hers.

"Miss Hammond, I must insist upon your taking exercise. Take a sharp turn or two round the room with me. Lucas, I wish you'd sit down and play us a dance. Or, better still, let me sit down and play, and you and Miss Hammond take a few turns together. Mr. Pybus, you must dance with Mrs. Chalmers. A flyaway gallop, or a rattling polka. They're better than valses."

"Miss Hammond, I really insist that you get some exercise. Let's take a sharp turn or two around the room together. Lucas, I’d like you to sit down and play us a dance. Or even better, let me sit down and play while you and Miss Hammond take a few turns together. Mr. Pybus, you need to dance with Mrs. Chalmers. A lively gallop or an energetic polka. They’re way better than waltzes."

There was a remarkable expression upon old Pybus's enamelled countenance. So far as that goes, I expect there was on mine--but, as to that, no matter.

There was a striking look on old Pybus's polished face. I suppose I had a similar expression, but that doesn't really matter.

"Might I ask, once more, for an explanation of these very singular proceedings?"

"Can I ask you again for an explanation of these very unusual actions?"

"I warn you, Mr. Pybus, that if you do not dance with Mrs. Chalmers, you must be responsible for the consequences, both as they regard yourself and the lady."

"I warn you, Mr. Pybus, that if you don't dance with Mrs. Chalmers, you'll have to face the consequences, both for yourself and for her."

Pybus's eyes wandered from Hughes to Mrs. Chalmers. The lady was making noise enough for ten. She did not strike the imagination as being a promising partner for a dance. So Pybus seemed to think. Hughes struck up, "You should see me dance the polka," playing it at the rate of about sixty miles an hour. Margaret looked at me.

Pybus's gaze shifted from Hughes to Mrs. Chalmers. She was making enough noise for ten people. She didn't seem like a good choice for a dance partner, at least not in Pybus's eyes. Hughes started playing, "You should see me dance the polka," and he was going at it like he was racing at sixty miles an hour. Margaret glanced at me.

"Are you and I to dance? Why dance?"

"Are we going to dance? Why should we dance?"

I shook my head.

I shook my head.

"Hughes," I said, "I can't."

"Hughes," I said, "I can't."

"You must, man, you must! Are you mad?"

"You have to, man, you have to! Are you crazy?"

"I can't."

"I can't."

I couldn't. A numbness seemed to be settling on my brain. My legs refused to support me. I sank into a chair. Margaret hesitated for just one second. I could see her trembling. Then she sat on the ground close to my feet. She leaned her arm upon my knee. Her face was turned towards mine.

I couldn't. A numbness felt like it was taking over my mind. My legs wouldn’t hold me up. I dropped into a chair. Margaret hesitated for just a moment. I could see her shaking. Then she sat on the floor next to my feet. She rested her arm on my knee. Her face was turned towards mine.

"Nor can I. If we must die, George, let us die together; but not dancing."

"Me neither. If we have to die, George, let’s die together; just not while dancing."

"What on earth," inquired Pybus, "is all this talk of dying, Mr. Hughes? I insist upon an answer, sir."

"What on earth," Pybus asked, "is all this talk about dying, Mr. Hughes? I demand an answer, sir."

In a sort of fury Hughes leaped from the music-stool.

In a fit of rage, Hughes jumped off the music stool.

"And I insist, Mr. Pybus, upon your dancing with Mrs. Chalmers. I warn you that if you don't you will be morally guilty, not only of murder, but of suicide." He turned to me. "As for you--are you a man? Do you think that it is your life only which is hanging in the balance? I tell you that the only hope for Miss Hammond is to keep her circulating. Do that, and I will answer for it with my own life, that all will yet be well."

"And I insist, Mr. Pybus, that you dance with Mrs. Chalmers. I warn you that if you don’t, you’ll be morally guilty, not just of murder, but of suicide." He turned to me. "And what about you—are you a man? Do you think it’s only your life that’s at stake? I tell you that the only hope for Miss Hammond is to keep her moving. Do that, and I will guarantee with my own life that everything will turn out fine."

"Come, while I can, let me keep you circulating, Maggie!"

"Come on, while I can, let me keep you moving, Maggie!"

It was not often that I called my "rare, pale Margaret" Maggie. But, at that master moment of our lives, I felt that the endearing name was best. She rose, my darling. I put my arm about her waist.

It wasn’t often that I called my “rare, pale Margaret” Maggie. But at that perfect moment in our lives, I felt that the loving name was the best choice. She stood up, my darling. I wrapped my arm around her waist.

"George, whatever you think it best."

"George, whatever you think is best."

"That's better," said Hughes.

"That's better," Hughes said.

"Now let me see you go it. Give her fits, my boy."

"Now let me see you do it. Give her a hard time, my boy."

Again he dashed into Mr. Grossmith's popular air. I never heard it played at such a rate before. Possibly with a view of raising our spirits, he shouted out the chorus in a tone of voice which must have been audible quite two streets away. It was deafening!

Again he rushed into Mr. Grossmith's popular tune. I had never heard it played at such a speed before. Perhaps trying to lift our spirits, he belted out the chorus in a voice that must have been heard two streets away. It was overwhelming!

You should see me dance the polka,
You should see me cover the ground;
You should see my coat-tails flying--

You should see me dance the polka,
You should see me covering the ground;
You should see my coat-tails flying--

My coat-tails were anything but flying. We made no attempt at keeping time with Hughes. Under the most favourable circumstances the thing would have been impossible. We moved, Margaret and I, as if we were treading a funeral measure. My legs were going at the knees. I felt her frail frame quivering in my arms.

My coat-tails were definitely not flying. We didn’t even try to keep up with Hughes. Under the best circumstances, it would have been impossible. Margaret and I moved as if we were following a slow funeral march. My knees felt weak. I could feel her fragile body trembling in my arms.

"Now, then, Pybus," shouted Hughes, "off you go with Mrs. Chalmers. Don't ask her; make her. Pull her off the couch and jump her about!"

"Alright, Pybus," yelled Hughes, "take Mrs. Chalmers with you. Don’t ask her; just insist. Get her off the couch and shake things up!"

Pybus appeared to be endeavouring to persuade Mrs. Chalmers to join him in the mazy dance. The lady had suddenly become still, which, for some reasons, the chief one being the noise which Hughes was making, was perhaps as well.

Pybus seemed to be trying to convince Mrs. Chalmers to join him in the intricate dance. The lady had suddenly stopped moving, which, for various reasons—primarily because of the noise Hughes was making—was probably for the best.

"How can I pull her off the couch," answered Pybus, "when she's in a fit, or dead, or something?"

"How am I supposed to get her off the couch," Pybus replied, "when she's having a seizure, or unconscious, or whatever?"

Up jumped Hughes.

Hughes jumped up.

"Keep going, you two! Don't stop for a single instant. Lucas, everything depends upon your keeping Miss Hammond circulating."

"Keep it up, you two! Don’t pause for even a second. Lucas, it’s crucial that you keep Miss Hammond moving around."

"I can't," I said.

"I can't," I said.

"Nor can I," said Margaret.

"Me neither," said Margaret.

The utterances were almost simultaneous. Simultaneously we sank into an ottoman.

The words came out almost at the same time. At the same time, we sank into a couch.

"Mrs. Chalmers! Mrs. Chalmers!" shouted Hughes, "Pybus, help me to lift her off the couch. Now, then, you two, what have you stopped for?"

"Mrs. Chalmers! Mrs. Chalmers!" shouted Hughes, "Pybus, help me lift her off the couch. Now, you two, why have you stopped?"

He turned to Margaret and me. Something in our faces or in our attitudes appeared to frighten him. He ran to the door yelling in a manner which absolutely frightened me.

He turned to Margaret and me. Something in our faces or our attitudes seemed to scare him. He ran to the door, yelling in a way that really frightened me.

"Brooks! Brooks! Oh, my God, why doesn't the doctor come?"

"Brooks! Brooks! Oh my God, where is the doctor?"



CHAPTER III.

DOCTORS TO THE RESCUE!


Just as he reached the door it was opened. A very tall, and very stout, old gentleman entered. He had a black bag in his hand. But he did not seem to be the least in a hurry.

Just as he got to the door, it swung open. A really tall and very heavyset older man walked in. He had a black bag in his hand, but he didn’t seem rushed at all.

"Good evening. I trust there is nothing serious the matter."

"Good evening. I hope everything is okay."

I suppose that in the agitated state of his nervous system, the stranger's sudden appearance took Hughes by surprise. He stared at him as though he were a ghost.

I guess that in the tense state of his nerves, the stranger's sudden appearance caught Hughes off guard. He looked at him as if he were a ghost.

"Are--are you the doctor?"

"Are you the doctor?"

"I am the doctor--Dr. Goldsmith."

"I'm Dr. Goldsmith."

I had already recognised him as the doctor who lived at the corner of the square. Although I had not the pleasure of his personal acquaintance, I had more than once wondered why he did not try Banting. Leaving off sugar, and butter, and milk, and trying a piece of lemon in your tea, is an excellent method of reducing the flesh. He looked round the room, and bowed--a little vaguely. Then he said, addressing Hughes, whom he apparently took to be the master of the house, "Where is the patient?"

I already knew he was the doctor who lived at the corner of the square. Even though I hadn't met him personally, I had often wondered why he didn't try Banting. Cutting out sugar, butter, and milk, and adding a slice of lemon to your tea is a great way to lose weight. He glanced around the room and bowed—kind of absentmindedly. Then he addressed Hughes, whom he seemed to think was the owner of the house, and asked, “Where's the patient?”

"They're--they're all patients."

"They're all patients."

This answer seemed to cause the doctor to experience a slight sense of mystification. He placed a pair of gold glasses upon the bridge of his nose. He cast another glance around the room.

This answer seemed to leave the doctor feeling a bit puzzled. He put on a pair of gold glasses and looked around the room again.

"All patients?"

"All patients?"

Pybus came forward. Pybus knows everyone.

Pybus stepped up. Pybus knows everybody.

"How are you, Dr. Goldsmith?"

"How's it going, Dr. Goldsmith?"

"How are you, Mr. Pybus? Charmed to see you."

"How's it going, Mr. Pybus? It's great to see you."

"Whether I am charmed to see you remains to be seen. May I ask--and don't think it's an impertinent question--what you have come for?"

"Whether I'm happy to see you is still up in the air. Can I ask—and please don’t take this the wrong way—what brings you here?"

"Come for? I----" The doctor threw a glance of interrogation towards Hughes. "I--someone came to my house and said that I was wanted for a case of----"

"Come for? I----" The doctor shot a questioning look at Hughes. "I--someone came to my house and said that I was wanted for a case of----"

Old Pybus laid his hand upon the doctor's arm.

Old Pybus placed his hand on the doctor's arm.

"Case of what?"

"What case are you talking about?"

"A case of laudanum poisoning."

"A case of laudanum overdose."

"Laudanum poisoning!"

"Laudanum overdose!"

"I understood that it was a----" The doctor ceased. Pybus's face had assumed a very singular hue. "I--I hope that I have said nothing----"

"I realized that it was a----" The doctor stopped. Pybus's face had taken on a very unusual color. "I--I hope I haven't said anything----"

"No, you have said nothing. Laudanum poisoning?" He turned to Hughes. "So that is it." And then to me. "So that was 'Aunt Jane's Jalap.' It's--it's rather hard--that a man of my years--should--die of--jalap."

"No, you haven't said anything. Laudanum poisoning?" He turned to Hughes. "So that’s what it is." Then he looked at me. "So that was 'Aunt Jane's Jalap.' It’s—it's pretty tough—that a man my age—should—die from—jalap."

Pybus took a seat. The doctor stared at him.

Pybus sat down. The doctor looked at him.

"Mr. Pybus, I hope that nothing is the matter."

"Mr. Pybus, I hope everything is okay."

"Nothing, only--I'm the man--that's poisoned."

"Nothing, just—I'm the one—who's poisoned."

"You!"

"You!"

"Me, Sam Pybus. I've been dining with a man, who asked me to meet--his girl--and smooth the tabby--and he gives me--jalap, which is another name for laudanum."

"Me, Sam Pybus. I’ve been having dinner with a guy who asked me to meet his girl and chill out with her, and he gives me jalap, which is another name for laudanum."

The doctor seemed bewildered.

The doctor appeared confused.

"I am afraid I don't understand."

"I’m sorry, but I don’t get it."

Hughes endeavoured to explain. He was suffering as much as either of us. The words fell from his stammering lips.

Hughes tried to explain. He was hurting just as much as either of us. The words tumbled out of his stammering lips.

"What Mr. Pybus says is correct. There's been a mistake."

"What Mr. Pybus is saying is accurate. There’s been a mistake."

"Yes," said Pybus, "there's been a mistake."

"Yeah," Pybus said, "there's been a mistake."

"My friend, Lucas, thought he was giving his guests 'Aunt Jane's Jalap,' and instead of that he was giving them--I am afraid, through my carelessness--pure laudanum."

"My friend, Lucas, thought he was serving his guests 'Aunt Jane's Jalap,' but instead, due to my carelessness, he was actually serving them pure laudanum."

"Oh, it was through your carelessness, was it?" Pybus assumed towards Hughes a little air of ferocity. But it soon disappeared. "But what does it matter if I must die?"

"Oh, so it was your carelessness, huh?" Pybus said to Hughes with a bit of aggression. But that quickly faded. "But what does it matter if I have to die?"

"Pure laudanum!" said the doctor. "Of what strength?"

"Straight laudanum!" said the doctor. "What's the strength?"

"The highest possible."

"The highest level."

"In what quantity?"

"How much?"

"Enough to kill a dozen men. A bottleful."

"Enough to kill a dozen men. A full bottle."

"A bottleful of laudanum!"

"A bottle of laudanum!"

The words were uttered by a newcomer--a little man who came running in as if he ran a race. It was Dunn, another doctor, who had recently started practice round the corner. In appearance he was a complete contrast to Goldsmith. He was a little, wiry, hungry-looking man, who seemed as though he never could keep still. He hurried past Pybus, patting him on the shoulder as he went. Had Pybus been more himself he would have resented the insult to the death.

The words were spoken by a newcomer—a short guy who came rushing in like he was in a competition. It was Dunn, another doctor, who had just started working nearby. He looked completely different from Goldsmith. He was a small, wiry guy with a hungry look, who seemed like he could never sit still. He hurried past Pybus, giving him a quick pat on the shoulder as he went by. If Pybus had been more like himself, he would have taken that as a serious insult.

"Come, my dear sir, keep yourself alive. That's the great secret; let us keep our spirits up!" he paused in front of Margaret. "Now, my dear young lady, don't we feel quite well? Just a little out of sorts. Come, wake up!"

"Come on, my dear sir, stay alive. That’s the big secret; let's keep our spirits high!" He stopped in front of Margaret. "Now, my dear young lady, don’t we feel just fine? A bit out of sorts. Come on, wake up!"

He actually caught Margaret by the shoulder and shook her. I don't know what Margaret's feelings were, but if I myself had not been quite so prostrate, I fancy that I should have let him know that he presumed. Then he turned and shook me.

He actually grabbed Margaret by the shoulder and shook her. I don't know how Margaret felt, but if I hadn't been so out of it, I think I would have let him know that he was overstepping. Then he turned and shook me.

"Come, my dear sir, wake up, wake up, wake up! We must keep ourselves awake." He wheeled round; he marched to the couch. When he saw Mrs. Chalmers lying on it, still in a dead faint--so far as I know no one had moved a finger to bring her round--he shook his head.

"Come on, my dear sir, wake up, wake up, wake up! We need to stay awake." He turned around and walked over to the couch. When he saw Mrs. Chalmers lying there, still completely unconscious—at least as far as I know, nobody had done anything to help her—he shook his head.

"Serious; I am afraid it's very, very serious. But we will do our best; always do our best. Let all the servants in the house be summoned, and let assistance be given to carry the poor dear sufferers up to their beds."

"Honestly, I’m really worried; it’s extremely serious. But we’ll do our best; we always give it our all. Let’s call all the staff in the house, and let’s get help to carry the poor dear victims up to their beds."

The little man took command of everything. The servants were summoned and they came trooping in. Several other doctors came in also. There is no necessity to specify their number. Brooks liberally carried out the instructions Hughes had given him. He fetched as many as he could. There were not one or two, but several. I have their bills.

The little man took charge of everything. The servants were called, and they all came rushing in. A few other doctors joined them too. There's no need to mention how many. Brooks followed the instructions Hughes gave him without hesitation. He brought as many as he could. There wasn't just one or two, but several. I have their bills.



CHAPTER IV.

THE MISTAKE EXPLAINED.


I will not dwell upon the dreadful details of that night. There are scenes, not necessarily pathetic scenes, on which a curtain should be drawn. Through it all I never once lost consciousness. I wish I had. One need but allude to the stomach pump to draw up visions from the vasty deep. Over such agonies let a veil be drawn. This is not an episode of vivisection. And, afterwards, when--when a too eager medical man, thinking the process had not gone far enough--he meant well; it was his zeal; may he be forgiven--tried emetics, mustard and water, and other preparations from the medical pharmacop[oe]ia--do not let us touch upon these subjects. Never, when the sea was at its wildest, among passengers entirely unused to the mysteries of navigation, was ever seen the like. I still live, and I was through it all. It is wonderful what a vigorous constitution will endure.

I won’t linger on the terrible details of that night. There are scenes, not necessarily tragic ones, that should remain hidden. Through it all, I never lost consciousness, though I wish I had. Just mentioning the stomach pump brings back haunting memories. Let’s put a curtain over that pain. This isn’t a scene from a vivisection. And then, later on—when a very eager doctor, believing the procedure hadn’t gone far enough—he meant well; it was out of enthusiasm; may he be forgiven—tried emetics, mustard and water, and other remedies from the medical handbook—let’s not even get into that. Never, even in the roughest seas, among passengers completely clueless about navigation, was there anything like it. I’m still here, and I went through it all. It’s amazing what a healthy body can endure.

Mrs. Chalmers was put into my bedroom. There was nothing particular of mine lying about, but I would rather they had put her somewhere else. Margaret had the best guest-room, Pybus the second best, and I was put into an apartment which had not been occupied for years. It was done in the confusion, I suppose. Looking back, I am surprised they did not overlook me altogether. I wish they had. And all through the night the issue was hanging in the balance. Hamlet's question was waiting for an answer. "To be, or not to be?" What their sufferings were--Margaret's, her aunt's, and Pybus's--I can imagine when I let memory hark back to my own. But none of them succumbed. And in the morning I, for one, was able to leave my room; in fact, I insisted on doing so. Had I remained any longer in that dreadful chamber I should certainly have died. Pale and ghastly, with my dressing-gown wrapped round my trembling limbs, I descended to my snuggery. I felt that I was but the wreck of what once I was. Hughes was there--the sight of me seemed to give him pain--well it might!--and Dr. Dunn, and Dr. Goldsmith, and a Dr. Casey. He was a tall, thin man, with a serious manner. I always think of Dr. Casey when I think of Mr. Stiggins. Dunn seemed in quite a cheerful frame of mind.

Mrs. Chalmers was put in my bedroom. There was nothing of mine lying around, but I would have preferred if they had put her somewhere else. Margaret had the best guest room, Pybus got the second best, and I was placed in a room that hadn’t been used in years. I guess it was all done in a rush. Looking back, I’m surprised they didn’t completely forget about me. I kind of wish they had. And throughout the night, the situation was uncertain. Hamlet's question was hanging there: "To be, or not to be?" I can imagine what their struggles were—Margaret's, her aunt's, and Pybus's—when I think back to my own experiences. But none of them gave in. By morning, I was able to leave my room; in fact, I insisted on it. If I'd stayed in that awful room any longer, I definitely would have died. Pale and ghostly, with my dressing gown wrapped around my shaky body, I made my way down to my cozy spot. I felt like a shell of my former self. Hughes was there—the sight of me seemed to cause him pain—rightly so!—along with Dr. Dunn, Dr. Goldsmith, and Dr. Casey. He was a tall, thin man with a serious demeanor. I always think of Dr. Casey when I think of Mr. Stiggins. Dunn seemed to be in quite a cheerful mood.

"Well, that's over. With a little care, Mr. Lucas, you'll forget all about it in a week."

"Well, that's done. With a bit of time, Mr. Lucas, you'll forget all about it in a week."

Never! But I did not tell him so. And he went on:

Never! But I didn’t say that to him. And he continued:

"And this all comes of what I venture to call a trifling indiscretion. You think it's jalap, and it's laudanum."

"And this all comes from what I dare to call a minor mistake. You think it's jalap, but it's actually laudanum."

"Laudanum is not a thing to trifle with," said Dr. Casey.

"Laudanum is not something to mess around with," Dr. Casey said.

"It certainly isn't a thing to drink in pailfuls."

"It definitely isn't something to drink in large amounts."

As he said this, Dr. Goldsmith rattled his keys and coppers.

As he said this, Dr. Goldsmith jingled his keys and coins.

"Nor is it to be recommended as a liqueur with dessert--eh, Mr. Lucas?" Dunn rubbed his hands, and grinned at me.

"Nor is it advisable to have it as a liqueur with dessert--right, Mr. Lucas?" Dunn rubbed his hands and smiled at me.

"The poor lady," said Dr. Casey, "whom I treated found it a very serious matter."

"The poor lady," said Dr. Casey, "whom I treated found it to be a very serious issue."

This was Mrs. Chalmers.

This is Mrs. Chalmers.

"The sweet young thing," said Goldsmith, "for whom I did my best, did not seem to think that the occasion was altogether a festive one," and this was how he spoke of her.

"The sweet young thing," said Goldsmith, "for whom I tried my best, didn’t seem to think the occasion was really festive," and this was how he referred to her.

"I dare say, Mr. Lucas," sniggered Dunn, "that you have spent far more agreeable nights."

"I have to say, Mr. Lucas," chuckled Dunn, "that you've had way more enjoyable nights."

Dunn was the fiend who had pushed his zeal too far. And now he laughed at me!

Dunn was the villain who had taken his obsession too far. And now he was laughing at me!

"Dr. Lambert," observed Dr. Casey, "who treated the other gentleman, assured me that his patient asked him to put him out of his misery rather than push his treatment further."

"Dr. Lambert," noted Dr. Casey, "who treated the other man, told me that his patient asked him to help him end his suffering instead of continuing with the treatment."

That was Pybus. I could easily believe it. Death was preferable to Dunn's emetics.

That was Pybus. I could totally believe it. Death was better than Dunn's medicine.

"Now, where is the bottle which contained the cause of all the mischief?"

"Now, where is the bottle that held the source of all the trouble?"

The fatal bottle had been brought into my snuggery for safety. It was handed to Dunn. He sniffed at it.

The deadly bottle had been brought into my cozy space for safekeeping. It was handed to Dunn. He took a whiff of it.

"Hum!" He sniffed again. "Hum!" He seemed surprised. "Rather--rather an odd smell for laudanum. Smell that!"

"Hum!" He sniffed again. "Hum!" He looked surprised. "That's a pretty strange smell for laudanum. Smell this!"

He handed it to Goldsmith.

He gave it to Goldsmith.

"Very"--sniff!--"odd"--sniff!--"indeed"--sniff. "You are sure it is the bottle?"

"Very," sniff, "strange," sniff, "for sure," sniff. "Are you positive it’s the bottle?"

There was not the slightest doubt about its being the bottle. It was passed to Casey. He had a smell.

There was no doubt it was the bottle. It was handed to Casey. He had a scent.

"This isn't laudanum," he declared.

"This isn't opium," he declared.

"Not laudanum!" Back it went to Dunn.

"Not laudanum!" It went back to Dunn.

"It doesn't smell like laudanum."

"It doesn't smell like opium."

"It isn't laudanum," said Goldsmith.

"It’s not laudanum," said Goldsmith.

"Not a trace of it," said Casey.

"There's not a trace of it," said Casey.

NOT laudanum! I looked at Hughes. He looked at me. Then he staggered towards that fatal bottle.

NOT laudanum! I looked at Hughes. He looked at me. Then he stumbled toward that deadly bottle.

"Let me--let me smell it."

"Let me smell it."

They let him. An extraordinary change came over his countenance as he applied it to his nose. He staggered against the wall.

They allowed him to do it. An incredible change swept over his face as he pressed it to his nose. He stumbled against the wall.

"Good--good heavens!"

"Wow--good heavens!"

What was it? Had he mistaken the poison? Was it strychnine, arsenic, prussic acid? Would the treatment have to be gone through all over again? For me, death rather than that.

What was it? Had he confused the poison? Was it strychnine, arsenic, prussic acid? Would the treatment have to be done all over again? For me, death is better than that.

"I see it all," cried Hughes, "I see the mistake I made. After all, it was not the bottle I supposed. I remember now that I placed that upon the shelf above."

"I see it all," shouted Hughes, "I see the mistake I made. It turns out it wasn't the bottle I thought it was. I remember now that I put that one on the shelf above."

"What is it?" I screamed.

"What is it?" I yelled.

"It's--it's what I thought it was."

"It's--it's exactly what I thought it was."

"What you thought it was?"

"What did you think it was?"

"It's 'Aunt Jane's Jalap.'"

"It's 'Aunt Jane's Jalapeño.'"

"'Aunt Jane's Jalap!'"

"Aunt Jane's Jalap!"

The words came from the three medical gentlemen in a sort of chorus. As for me, in spite of my piteous condition, I felt inclined to tear my hair--and Hughes's!

The words came from the three doctors in a kind of chorus. As for me, despite my miserable state, I felt like tearing my hair out—and Hughes's too!

"I see, quite clearly, how the mistake arose. It was in this way. There were two sample bottles of the mixture, only in one of them the quantities were wrong. I placed it where I generally keep my laudanum--so that I shouldn't mistake it. And when I found it missing, of course I thought it was the laudanum which had gone."

"I see very clearly how the mistake happened. Here’s what went wrong. There were two sample bottles of the mixture, but the quantities in one of them were incorrect. I put it where I usually store my laudanum, so I wouldn’t confuse it. When I noticed it was missing, I naturally assumed it was the laudanum that was gone."

"Was it--was it poison?"

"Was it poison?"

"Not a bit of it, dear boy! The finest medicine in the world! Only in that particular bottle there was a little too much jalap, and, taking it on the top of such a dinner as you'd been eating, it a little upset you--that was all."

"Not at all, my dear boy! The best medicine in the world! It’s just that this particular bottle had a bit too much jalap in it, and after the heavy dinner you’d just eaten, it upset your stomach a bit—that’s all."

That was all?

Is that it?

I thought of how those doctors had spent the night in practising on us their dreadful arts, of their bills, and----that was all.

I thought about how those doctors had spent the night practicing their awful skills on us, their fees, and that was it.





WILLYUM.


I had been seated in the next chair to hers for at least two minutes. I felt that it was time to introduce myself.

I had been sitting in the chair next to hers for at least two minutes. I thought it was time to introduce myself.

"It's a fine evening."

"It's a nice evening."

She turned, she looked me up and down, then she looked straight in front of her again.

She turned, scanned me from head to toe, then looked straight ahead again.

"I don't know you."

"I don't know you."

But I was not to be crushed; there was something about the shape of her that which suggested sociability.

But I wasn't going to be defeated; there was something about her shape that suggested she was friendly.

"That is my misfortune, rather than my fault."

"That's my bad luck, not my mistake."

"I don't know nothing at all about that. I do not speak to strangers as a rule. Sometimes there's never no knowing who they are."

"I don't know anything about that at all. I usually don't talk to strangers. Sometimes you can never be sure who they are."

I felt that I was getting on--so I went on.

I felt like I was making progress—so I kept going.

"What do you think of the band?"

"What do you think of the band?"

"It's not loud enough for me. I like a band as I can hear."

"It's not loud enough for me. I like a band that I can actually hear."

One suspected there might be occasions on which one could almost like a band which one could not hear, but I did not say so. That broke the ice, and the conversation drifting on to personal topics she explained to me that she had a young man, who, so to speak, was "resting," owing to what she called a "difference" which she had had with him. It struck me that the tale, as she told it, contained elements of tragedy.

One thought there might be times when someone could almost like a band they couldn't hear, but I didn’t mention it. That broke the ice, and as the conversation shifted to personal topics, she explained that she had a guy who was, so to speak, "taking a break" due to what she called a "disagreement" they had. It struck me that the story, as she shared it, had elements of tragedy.

"Bakers," she observed, "is what I like. I have a sister who likes butchers. To me there's always the smell of the meat about a butcher. But it's as you're made. The worst of bakers is, they're such a thirsty lot."

"Bakers," she noted, "are what I prefer. I have a sister who's into butchers. For me, butchers always have that meaty smell. But it's a matter of personal taste. The downside of bakers is, they're such a thirsty bunch."

"Possibly," I suggested, "that is in a measure owing to the nature of their occupation."

"Maybe," I suggested, "that's partly due to the nature of their work."

"That may be, but still there is a limit, and when a man is always drinking, I think it's time for him to stop."

"That might be true, but there’s still a limit, and when someone is always drinking, I think it’s time for them to stop."

I thought so too, but she went on:

I thought so too, but she continued:

"My young man, his name is Willyum Evans, is a baker, and him and me have been walking out together four years come next month. So I said to him, 'Willyum, it's my day out, Tuesday. I shall expect you to take me somewhere.' So he said, 'I will.' So I said, 'Hyde Park Corner, half-past ten.' I was there as the clock was striking, and a fine scuffle I had to get there too; and, if you'll believe me, he kept me waiting two hours and three-quarters by the clock what's over the gatekeeper's lodge--which is longer than any gentleman ought to keep a lady waiting, I don't care who he is. So when he did come, I was a bit huffy.

"My boyfriend, named Willyum Evans, is a baker, and we've been dating for four years next month. So I told him, 'Willyum, it's my day off this Tuesday. I expect you to take me somewhere.' He agreed, saying, 'I will.' I suggested, 'Hyde Park Corner, at half-past ten.' I arrived right as the clock struck, and let me tell you, it was quite a struggle to get there; and believe it or not, he made me wait two hours and forty-five minutes by the clock at the gatekeeper's lodge—which is longer than any guy should keep a girl waiting, no matter who he is. So when he finally showed up, I was a little annoyed."

"So I said, 'Well, Willyum, I hope I've put you to no hurry, and it's a pity you should have troubled yourself to come at this time of day, seeing as how I'm just off home.' So he said, and he wiped his lips, and I could see he had had a moistener, if not more, 'It's like this--I accidentally had an appointment, which was of the nature of business, and which I couldn't help; and that's how it is I'm a little behind!' 'I see,' I said, 'and it had something to do with pint pots, I have no doubt.' So he sat down on a seat, which was wet, owing to there being a drizzle on, and as it seemed silly for me to stand whilst he was sitting, I sat down likewise.

"So I said, 'Well, Willyum, I hope I'm not keeping you waiting, and it's a shame you bothered to come at this time of day, considering I'm just heading home.' He replied, wiping his lips, and I could tell he'd had a drink, if not more, 'Here's the thing—I accidentally had a business appointment that I couldn't miss; that's why I'm a bit behind!' 'I see,' I said, 'and I bet it had something to do with pint glasses.' He sat down on a bench that was wet because it was drizzling, and since it seemed silly for me to stand while he was sitting, I took a seat too."

"So there we sat, neither of us saying nothing, till I began to feel a little damp, because I had my thin things on, and it was beginning to come down heavy. So I said, 'Well, Willyum, have you forgotten it's my day out? I thought you was going to take me somewhere.' He said, 'So I am.' So I said, 'Where are you going to take me to? It's getting on, and I'm likewise getting wet'--which I was. So he said, 'What do you say to Battersea Park?' So I said, 'I say nothing. And the idea, Willyum, of your talking about taking me to Battersea Park, when, as you very well know, it is raining cats and dogs, is not what I expected'-because, as he could very well see, I only had a parasol, which was red, and the rain was coming through, and the colour coming out. But he didn't care for the rain no more than nothing; because, as I tell you, he being a baker, to him it was a kind of a change.

"So there we sat, not saying a word, until I started to feel a bit damp because I was wearing my thin clothes, and it was really starting to pour. So I said, 'Well, Willyum, did you forget it’s my day out? I thought you were going to take me somewhere.' He replied, 'I am.' So I asked, 'Where are you planning to take me? It’s getting late, and I’m getting wet too'—which I was. Then he suggested, 'What do you think about Battersea Park?' I said, 'I think nothing. And, Willyum, the idea of you talking about taking me to Battersea Park when, as you very well know, it’s raining cats and dogs is not what I expected'—because, as he could clearly see, I only had a red parasol, and the rain was coming through it and making the color run. But he didn’t care about the rain at all; to him, being a baker, it was just a bit of a change."

"You must know that Willyum is that near about money that I never saw nothing like him; not that it's a bad thing in a man, though it may be carried too far and I must say I do think Willyum do carry it too far. He has never given me nothing which he didn't want me to pay for, not even half a pint of beer. So I was not surprised when he said, 'The fact is Matilda'--which is me--'I haven't got no money.' 'Well,' I said, 'that's a nice thing, to promise to take me out, and then to have no money.' So he said, 'If you was to pay the expenses for both the two of us, it might make things more pleasant.' So I said, 'No, I thank you,' because I had been had that way before, and more than once. So I got up, and I said, 'Well, Willyum, I will now wish you a good day; because I have been here since half-past ten, and it is now past two, and my clothes is sticking to me, and I don't care to stop no longer.' So he said, 'Now, Matilda, don't you get disagreeable'--which I was beginning to feel it, and so I own. 'We are both of us having a day out,' he said, 'and don't let no bad tempers spoil our pleasure. I may have some money somewhere, unbeknown to myself, so I will look and see; though I must say I do think it hard that all the expenses should be borne by me!'

"You should know that Willyum is so tight with money that I've never seen anyone like him; it's not necessarily a bad trait in a man, although it can go too far, and I have to say I think Willyum takes it too far. He's never given me anything that he didn’t want me to pay for, not even half a pint of beer. So I wasn’t surprised when he said, 'The thing is, Matilda'—that's me—'I don’t have any money.' 'Well,' I replied, 'that's great, to promise to take me out, and then have no money.' He then said, 'If you could cover the expenses for both of us, it might make things more enjoyable.' I told him, 'No, thanks,' because I've been taken advantage of like that before, more than once. I got up and said, 'Well, Willyum, I wish you a good day; I've been here since half-past ten, and it’s now past two, and my clothes are sticking to me, so I don’t want to stay any longer.' He said, 'Now, Matilda, let’s not get disagreeable'—which I was starting to feel, I admit. 'We're both having a day out,' he said, 'and let’s not let any bad moods ruin our fun. I might have some money somewhere that I don’t even know about, so I’ll take a look; though I must say it seems unfair for all the costs to fall on me!'”

"So he begins feeling in his pockets, and, presently, he gives a kind of a start, and he brings out half-a-crown. 'There,' he said, 'is half-a-crown; and if you put five shillings to it, it will make it seven and six!' 'No!' I said, 'I shall put no five shillings of mine to no half-crown of yours, and so the least said the soonest mended. And, if you don't mind, I will go and get myself something to eat, being hungry, and having, I am thankful to say, money of my own with which to pay for it.' Then he gives another kind of start, and he says, 'There! If I didn't make a pasty for you, last night, with my own hands, and I've been sitting on it all the time,' which he had, and anything like the mess he'd made of it you never saw. He held it out to me. 'No,' I said. 'I thank you. I am particular about my vittles, and I never eat no scraps, and, still less, things what have been sat down upon.' 'Well,' he said, 'it's a pity it should be wasted, I'll eat it myself.' Which he did, and me standing in the rain there looking on. That did put my back up. 'Mr. Evans,' I said, short and sharp, 'I wish you a good day. I am going.' So I goes. And he comes running after me, picking at the bits of pasty what was stuck to the paper; I must say this for Willyum, that it takes a deal to get his temper up. So I pulls up. 'Now, let us understand each other. Willyum, if you please, are you going to pay for something for me to eat, or are you not?' He gives himself a kind of a shake, so as to get his courage up, and he says, 'You shall have anything you like to eat, at my expense, Matilda, so long as the cost does not exceed'--then he hesitated--'ninepence.' Then he gave himself another kind of shake, which I took as a sign that his courage was running down, 'for both the two of us.'

"So he starts feeling in his pockets and, after a moment, he jumps a little and pulls out a half-crown. 'There,' he says, 'is half-a-crown; and if you add five shillings to it, it will make seven and six!' 'No!' I replied, 'I won’t be adding any of my five shillings to your half-crown, and the less said about it, the better. If you don’t mind, I’ll go get something to eat since I’m hungry and, thankfully, I have my own money to pay for it.' Then he jumps a bit again and says, 'Look! I made a pasty for you last night with my own hands, and I’ve been sitting on it this whole time,' which he had, and the mess he made was unbelievable. He held it out to me. 'No,' I said. 'Thank you, but I’m particular about my food, and I don’t eat scraps, especially those that have been sat on.' 'Well,' he said, 'it’s a shame to waste it; I’ll eat it myself.' And he did while I stood there in the rain watching. That really annoyed me. 'Mr. Evans,' I said sharply, 'I wish you a good day. I'm leaving.' So I walked away. He ran after me, picking at the bits of pasty stuck to the paper. I must give Willyum credit; it takes a lot to get him upset. So I stopped. 'Now, let's get this straight. Willyum, are you going to pay for something for me to eat, or not?' He took a deep breath to boost his courage and said, 'You can have anything you want to eat, at my expense, Matilda, as long as it doesn’t cost more than'—then he hesitated—'ninepence.' Then he took another deep breath, which I took as a sign that his courage was fading, 'for both of us.'”

"That made me fairly wild it really did. To think that he had promised to take me somewhere, and that I had been more than three hours there in the rain, and got wet through, and my things all spoiled--which it was a new dress I had on, what I had got special for the occasion, and it had only come home from the dressmaker's the day before--and the colour was coming out of my parasol--which was likewise new--and my hair all coming out of curl, and me feeling as limp as a rag, and starving hungry, and that he should want to put me off with fourpence-halfpenny worth of food, drawn from him as if it were his eye-tooth--it did make me feel really wild.

"That really drove me crazy. To think he promised to take me somewhere, and I had been waiting in the rain for over three hours, got completely soaked, and ruined my things—which was a new dress I wore, made specially for the occasion, and it had just come back from the dressmaker the day before—and the color was coming off my new parasol—and my hair was all frizzy and I felt as limp as a rag, starving hungry, and he wanted to offer me fourpence-halfpenny worth of food, as if it was a big deal for him—it really made me lose it."

"I never said a word to him, but I walks right out of the park. He comes running after me, and he catches hold of my arm and he says, 'Now, Matilda, what did I say just now about letting no bad tempers spoil our pleasure?' I said, 'I don't know what your idea of pleasure is, but it isn't mine, and as I don't want to have no more to do with you, Mr. Evans, perhaps you will be so kind as to let me go.' But he holds on to me all the tighter, and he says, 'I tell you what, Matilda, a idea has just come into my head 'My brother, as you have heard me talk about, lives close by here, we will go and dine with him. He being a married man, and with a comfortable home, he will be glad to see us.'

"I never said a word to him, but I walked right out of the park. He came running after me, grabbed my arm and said, 'Now, Matilda, what did I just say about not letting bad moods ruin our fun?' I replied, 'I don't know what your idea of fun is, but it isn’t mine, and since I don’t want to have anything more to do with you, Mr. Evans, could you please let me go?' But he held on to me even tighter and said, 'I just had an idea. My brother, whom you've heard me talk about, lives nearby; let's go have dinner with him. He's married and has a comfortable home, and I'm sure he'll be happy to see us.'"

"Well, I didn't know what to do, not liking to have no quarrel with him in the street, so off we starts for his brother's. He took me to a mews what led out of Park Lane, and, as we was turning the corner, he said, 'There's only this one thing about my brother, him and me has had a little difference of opinion, and he is not of a forgiving disposition.' So I said, 'Now, Willyum, what do you mean by that?' So he said, 'No. 32, on the other side, is where he lives, and if you was to go on and knock at the door, and ask for Mrs. Henry Evans, what is my brother's wife, so to speak, it might smooth the way.' So I said, 'I do not understand you. Just now you was saying as how your brother would be glad to see us. Are you now insinuating otherwise?' He catches a glimpse of my eye, and he sees the kind of mood I was in, and he plucks up, and he walks on, and he says, 'We will hope for the best. Do not let us spoil our day's pleasure by no disagreeable observations. There is never no knowing what might happen.' All of a sudden he cries out, 'There is my brother! Now, Matilda, don't you let him start hitting me.' And he jumps behind me, so as to get into the shadow, as it were. So I says, 'Willyum, whatever is the matter now? Your conduct do seem to me to be of the most extraordinary character.'

"Well, I didn’t know what to do, not wanting to have a fight with him in the street, so we headed to his brother's place. He took me to a mews that came out onto Park Lane, and as we were turning the corner, he said, 'There’s just this one thing about my brother: we’ve had a bit of a disagreement, and he’s not really a forgiving person.' So I asked, 'Now, Willyum, what do you mean by that?' He replied, 'No. 32, across the street, is where he lives. If you were to go knock on the door and ask for Mrs. Henry Evans, who is my brother's wife, it might make things easier.' I said, 'I don’t understand. Just now, you were saying your brother would be happy to see us. Are you suggesting something different now?' He caught a glimpse of my eye, realized what kind of mood I was in, he took a deep breath, walked on, and said, 'Let’s hope for the best. Let’s not ruin our day with any unpleasant comments. You never know what might happen.' Suddenly, he shouted, 'There’s my brother! Matilda, don’t let him start hitting me.' He jumped behind me to stay in the shadows. So I said, 'Willyum, what’s the matter now? Your behavior seems absolutely bizarre to me.'"

"And there was a great big giant of a man on the other side of the road, washing a carriage, with a bucket of water and I don't know what, and as I moves on one side he catches sight of Willyum, and anything like the way in which he started swearing you never heard. 'Hollo' he says, 'there's that putty-faced brother of mine. I've been looking for you for some time. Here's something for you, Willyum.' And before I had no idea of what he was going to do, he catches up the bucket of water and he throws it over Willyum, and some of it went over me. Oh, dear me, you never saw nothing like the mess that I was in! And he grabs hold of Willyum by the collar, and he says, 'Hang me if I don't wipe down the street with you!' And he shouts out, ''Enrietta, here's Brother Willyum. Haven't you got anything for him? You bet your life he's come for something.' And a window opens over the way, and a woman puts her head out, and she empties something out of a pail over Willyum, and again some of it went over me. Oh dear! oh dear! And that giant of a man he set about Willyum something cruel; and all the mews was in a uproar, and I hurried away as hard as ever I could, I was that frightened, and I got into a cab, just as I was--and you should have seen how the cabman stared, and drove right away to a sister of mine what lives at Camberwell, and I nearly cried my eyes out, and I've never spoken to Willyum nor set eyes on him since then, which it's a fortnight the day after to-morrow, and if you had been in my place, and had been treated as I was, would you have let things go on as usual, just as if there hadn't been no difference?"

"And there was a really huge guy on the other side of the road, washing a carriage with a bucket of water and who knows what else. As I moved to one side, he spotted Willyum, and you’ve never heard swearing like that before. 'Hey,' he says, 'there's that goofy-faced brother of mine. I've been looking for you for a while. Here’s something for you, Willyum.' Before I realized what was happening, he grabbed the bucket of water and threw it all over Willyum, splashing some on me too. Oh man, you’ve never seen such a mess! Then he grabbed Willyum by the collar and said, 'I swear, I’ll wipe the street with you!' He shouted, 'Henrietta, here’s Brother Willyum. Don’t you have something for him? You bet he’s come for something.' A window opened across the way, and a woman leaned out and dumped something from a pail over Willyum, with some splashing on me again. Oh dear! Oh dear! That giant started going after Willyum like crazy; the whole place was in chaos, and I hurried away as fast as I could, I was so scared. I jumped into a cab, just as I was—and you should have seen the cab driver’s face! He drove me straight to my sister’s place in Camberwell, and I almost cried my eyes out. I haven't spoken to or seen Willyum since then, which will be a fortnight the day after tomorrow. If you were in my position, and had been treated like that, would you just let things continue as if nothing happened?"

No, I said, I should not. I should have insisted on their going on in quite a different kind of way.

No, I said, I shouldn't. I should have pushed for them to continue in a completely different way.

And so I told her.

So I told her.





HIS FIRST EXPERIMENT.


CHAPTER I.

THE LADY.


Last winter George Pownceby spent some weeks at the Empire Hotel. One morning he was coming along the corridor leading from the smoking-room when he met Mrs. Pratt. The lady stopped.

Last winter, George Pownceby spent a few weeks at the Empire Hotel. One morning, he was walking down the corridor that leads from the smoking room when he ran into Mrs. Pratt. She paused.

"What is that you have in your hand?" she asked.

"What do you have in your hand?" she asked.

Mr. Pownceby had in his hand a slim pamphlet, in a green paper cover. He held it up.

Mr. Pownceby was holding a thin pamphlet with a green paper cover. He raised it up.

"I've got it!"

"I got it!"

"No?"

"Nope?"

"Yes!"

"Absolutely!"

"Oh, I say!"

"Oh, come on!"

These remarks are not given here as examples of English conversation, but with a view of presenting the reader with an accurate report of what was spoken. There was a pause. Then the lady said, with great solemnity:--

These comments aren't here as examples of English conversation, but to provide the reader with a true account of what was said. There was a pause. Then the woman said, with great seriousness: --

"You don't mean to say that it has actually come?"

"You can't be serious that it has actually arrived?"

"I do!" Mr. Pownceby held out the slim pamphlet at arm's length in front of him. He pointed at it with the index-finger of his other hand: "'How to Hypnotise. A Practical Treatise. Hints to Amateurs. With full instructions for marvellous experiments. Price 7d. post free, eight stamps.'"

"I do!" Mr. Pownceby held the thin pamphlet out at arm's length in front of him. He pointed to it with his other hand's index finger: "'How to Hypnotize. A Practical Guide. Tips for Beginners. With complete instructions for amazing experiments. Price 7d. postage included, eight stamps.'"

"Oh, Mr. Pownceby, I am so sorry."

"Oh, Mr. Pownceby, I’m really sorry."

"Sorry, Mrs. Pratt! Why, it was, at your instigation I plunged to the extent of those eight stamps."

"Sorry, Mrs. Pratt! It was because of you that I ended up using those eight stamps."

"But you don't understand; my husband's coming; I have to meet him at the station at 12.32." Mr. Pownceby stroked his moustache; there was not much, but he was fond of stroking what there was of it. Mrs. Pratt's husband had been rather a joke. People who winter in hotels are, as a rule, quite prepared to be epigrammatic at the expense of a pretty married woman whose husband is not in evidence. And Mrs. Pratt's husband had not been in evidence--as yet.

"But you don't get it; my husband's on his way; I need to meet him at the station at 12:32." Mr. Pownceby stroked his mustache; there wasn't much there, but he liked to stroke what little he had. Mrs. Pratt's husband had become somewhat of a joke. Typically, people who spend the winter in hotels are more than ready to be clever at the expense of a pretty married woman whose husband isn't around. And Mrs. Pratt's husband hadn't made an appearance—so far.

"I don't quite follow you." Mr. Pownceby spoke with a little malice. "Whence your sorrow? Because your husband is coming by the 12.32?"

"I don't really understand you." Mr. Pownceby said with a hint of malice. "What's got you down? Is it because your husband is arriving on the 12:32?"

"Don't you see, I want to be the first to be experimented on. I've been waiting for that book two days, and now it just comes when I can't stay. Don't' you think there's time? Come into my sitting-room."

"Don't you get it? I want to be the first to be experimented on. I've been waiting for that book for two days, and now it arrives just when I can't stick around. Don't you think there's time? Come into my living room."

They went into her sitting-room. When they were there, the lady again assailed the gentleman with the inquiry:

They entered her living room. Once they were inside, the lady once more confronted the gentleman with the question:

"Don't you think there's time?"

"Do you think there’s time?"

"It depends. I think you're going too fast. To commence with, I've been looking through the thing in the smoking-room, and I believe it's a swindle."

"It depends. I think you're rushing things. First of all, I've been looking through that thing in the smoking room, and I think it's a scam."

"A swindle! Oh, don't say that."

"A scam! Oh, don't say that."

"It's nothing but a hash of old mesmeric tricks I've seen performed at country fairs."

"It's just a bunch of old mesmerizing tricks I've seen done at county fairs."

"But doesn't it tell you how to do them?"

"But doesn't it show you how to do them?"

"It pretends to. It gives some ridiculous directions--but I don't believe they can be done that way."

"It claims to. It offers some silly instructions—but I don't think they can be followed that way."

"Try!--do!--on me!"

"Go ahead! Do it on me!"

Mr. Pownceby laughed. Mrs. Pratt amused him; and not for the first time either.

Mr. Pownceby laughed. Mrs. Pratt entertained him, and not for the first time, either.

"To begin with, we have to sit face to face and stare at each other for ten minutes or a quarter of an hour."

"First, we need to sit across from each other and look at each other for ten minutes or fifteen."

"Come along! Let's begin."

"Let's get started!"

The lady brought forward a couple of chairs and they sat down on them, face to face; and very close together. Opening the pamphlet, Mr. Pownceby searched for further instructions.

The woman brought over a couple of chairs, and they sat down in them, facing each other, and very close together. As he opened the pamphlet, Mr. Pownceby looked for more instructions.

"You're not staring at me," remarked the lady.

"You're not looking at me," said the woman.

"Half a minute; I'm looking for what comes next."

"Just give me a moment; I'm figuring out what to do next."

"What does it say? Read it aloud."

"What does it say? Read it out loud."

"After I've stared at you long enough----It doesn't sound civil, does it?"

"After I've looked at you long enough—It doesn't seem polite, does it?"

"Never mind the civility; go on!"

"Forget the niceties; just go on!"

"'After I've stared at you long enough, you begin to feel queer. Then'"--Mr. Pownceby read from the pamphlet, "'Place the thumb of your left hand on the subject's forehead'--you're the subject--'just above the nose, and level with the eyebrows.'" Mrs. Pratt placed her pretty little hand above her pretty little nose to point out the exact spot denoted. Mr. Pownceby read on. "'This is the locality of the Phrenological Organ of Individuality.'"

"'After I've stared at you long enough, you start to feel strange. Then'"--Mr. Pownceby read from the pamphlet, "'Place the thumb of your left hand on the subject's forehead'--you're the subject--'just above the nose, and level with the eyebrows.'" Mrs. Pratt placed her pretty little hand above her pretty little nose to point out the exact spot mentioned. Mr. Pownceby continued reading. "'This is the area of the Phrenological Organ of Individuality.'"

"Is it?" said Mrs. Pratt in an awe-struck whisper. The reader continued:

"Is it?" Mrs. Pratt asked in a hushed, amazed tone. The reader went on:

"'Rest the ends of your fingers on the top of the subject's head. At the same time take hold of the left hand with your right hand, applying the inside part of your thumb to the middle of the palm of the hand.' I'm punctuating this," interpolated Mr. Pownceby, "as I go on. The man who printed it seems to have had a fount of type containing no other stops but commas. 'The object of this is for the operator to get in contact with two very important nerves that pass in the palm of the hand which are called Ulnar and Median nerves'--I don't know if that's true, or what it means, but it says so here--'with your left hand, still keeping the thumb on the forehead between the eyes, and the fingers resting on the subject's head, which must be inclined slightly back. Say, "Look into my eyes." After gazing in his eyes intently for a few seconds, say in a loud, clear, firm tone of voice, "Close your eyes quite tight." Let him remain a few seconds like this,'--and the trick is done. There's a lot more nonsense to follow, but when you've remained for a few seconds like that you're supposed to be mesmerised, or hypnotised, or whatever they call the thing."

"'Rest the tips of your fingers on the top of the person's head. At the same time, hold their left hand with your right hand, pressing the inside of your thumb against the center of their palm.' I'm adding my comments," Mr. Pownceby interjected, "as I go along. The person who printed this must have had a set of fonts with only commas. 'The goal of this is for the operator to connect with two very important nerves in the palm of the hand called the Ulnar and Median nerves'--I’m not sure if that’s accurate or what it means, but it says that here--'with your left hand, still keeping your thumb on the forehead between the eyes, and your fingers resting on the person's head, which should be tilted slightly back. Say, "Look into my eyes." After staring into their eyes intently for a few seconds, say in a loud, clear, firm voice, "Close your eyes tightly." Let them stay like this for a few seconds,'--and the trick is done. There’s a lot more nonsense to follow, but once you’ve waited a few seconds like that, you’re supposed to be mesmerized, or hypnotized, or whatever they call it."

"Really! It sounds quite simple."

"Seriously! It sounds pretty easy."

"It does--simple folly."

"It does—just foolishness."

"Hush! You shouldn't speak like that. Perhaps, if you don't believe, you mayn't succeed."

"Hush! You shouldn't talk like that. Maybe if you don't believe, you won't succeed."

"It says something to that effect in these precious pages."

"It says something like that in these valuable pages."

"Then try to believe. Let us begin."

"Then try to believe. Let’s get started."

They began. The lady was preternaturally solemn, but the gentleman was tortured by a desire to smile. He felt that the lady might resent his laughter. Under these circumstances the ten minutes' stare was trying. Mrs. Pratt had sweet blue eyes, which were large and round--the sort of eyes which the average man would not object to stare at for ten minutes or even longer. As the appointed space of time drew to a conclusion even Mr. Pownceby became reconciled to his lot. He placed his left thumb on the lady's forehead above her nose.

They started. The woman was unusually serious, but the man struggled with the urge to smile. He sensed that the woman might take offense at his laughter. Given this situation, the ten-minute stare was challenging. Mrs. Pratt had beautiful blue eyes, large and round—the kind of eyes that most men wouldn’t mind staring at for ten minutes or even more. As the allotted time came to an end, even Mr. Pownceby accepted his situation. He placed his left thumb on the woman’s forehead above her nose.

"Is that level with my eyebrows?" she inquired. He reproved her.

"Is that in line with my eyebrows?" she asked. He scolded her.

"I don't think you ought to speak. You destroy the connection."

"I don't think you should talk. You're ruining the connection."

Mrs. Pratt was dumb. Mr. Pownceby proceeded in accordance with the directions contained in the pamphlet. He rested the tips of his fingers on the top of the lady's head. He took hold of her left hand with his right. He applied the "inside part" of his thumb to the centre of her palm. He said to her:

Mrs. Pratt couldn't speak. Mr. Pownceby followed the instructions in the pamphlet. He placed the tips of his fingers on the top of her head. He held her left hand with his right. He pressed the "inside part" of his thumb against the center of her palm. He said to her:

"Look into my eyes."

"Look me in the eyes."

She looked into his eyes, her head inclined a little backwards. This part of the proceedings was, so far as the gentleman was concerned, on the whole agreeable. He gazed fixedly into her pretty eyes. Then he added, in a "loud, clear, firm tone of voice":

She looked into his eyes, tilting her head slightly back. So far, this part of the conversation was generally pleasant for the guy. He stared intently into her beautiful eyes. Then he added, in a "loud, clear, firm tone":

"Close your eyes quite tight."

"Shut your eyes really tight."

She closed her eyes. There was a pause for a few seconds. Remembering the instructions contained in the pamphlet, he proceeded another step:

She closed her eyes. There was a pause for a few seconds. Remembering the instructions in the pamphlet, he took another step:

"You cannot open your eyes," he said. "Your eyes are fast, quite fast."

"You can't open your eyes," he said. "Your eyes are quick, really quick."

The pamphlet had it, "Should the subject be very sensitive he will be unable to open them." Apparently the subject, though in this case feminine, was very sensitive. At least Mrs. Pratt kept her eyes shut fast. Mr. Pownceby was a little startled. He removed his touch from her brow and released her hand.

The pamphlet stated, "If the person is very sensitive, they won't be able to open them." Clearly, the person, though in this case a woman, was quite sensitive. At least Mrs. Pratt kept her eyes tightly shut. Mr. Pownceby was a bit taken aback. He took his hand away from her forehead and let go of her hand.

"Mrs. Pratt, are you hypnotised already?" Mrs. Pratt was silent. "Mrs. Pratt, you don't mean you're really hypnotised?" Still silence. He leant forward and stared at the lady, not in the same way he had done before, but quite as fixedly. "By Jove! I believe she is!" He got up from the chair. He glanced at the pamphlet. He wanted to know how to reverse the process--how to bring the lady to again.

"Mrs. Pratt, are you already hypnotized?" Mrs. Pratt didn't respond. "Mrs. Pratt, you can't really be hypnotized?" Still, no answer. He leaned forward and looked at her, not the way he did before, but just as intensely. "Wow! I think she is!" He stood up from the chair. He glanced at the pamphlet. He wanted to know how to reverse the process—how to wake the lady up again.

"This is a pretty state of things! The thing is not such a swindle as I thought it was. But it's all nonsense. She can't be magnetised, or mesmerised, or hypnotised, or whatever it is. If she is, the thing's as easy as winking. If I'd only known it I'd have been mesmerising people since the days of childhood. Mrs. Pratt!"

"This is quite a situation! This isn't as much of a scam as I initially thought. But it's all ridiculous. She can't be magnetized, or mesmerized, or hypnotized, or whatever you call it. If she can, it's as easy as blinking. If I had only known, I would have been mesmerizing people since I was a kid. Mrs. Pratt!"

But Mrs. Pratt was silent. If she was not "hypnotised," then she was in some condition which was equally curious. She sat back in her chair, with her face turned up to the ceiling, in a state of the most complete quiescence. Something in her appearance struck Mr. Pownceby as even unpleasantly odd. He recommenced searching down the page of the green covered pamphlet for the reversal process. It was beautifully simple.

But Mrs. Pratt was quiet. If she wasn’t “hypnotized,” then she was in some equally strange state. She reclined in her chair, her face tilted up to the ceiling, completely still. There was something about her that Mr. Pownceby found unsettlingly off. He went back to scanning the page of the green-covered pamphlet for the reversal process. It was wonderfully simple.

"In order to release him," the pamphlet said--throughout the writer had taken it for granted that the "subject" would be masculine--"blow a sharp, cold wind from your mouth on his eyes, and say with authority, 'Now you can open them.' Repeat if necessary. It is important to recollect that a cold wind blown from the operator destroys the effect and demagnetises."

"In order to release him," the pamphlet stated—assuming throughout that the "subject" would be male—"blow a sharp, cold wind from your mouth onto his eyes, and say with authority, 'Now you can open them.' Repeat if necessary. It's important to remember that a cold wind blown from the operator cancels the effect and demagnetizes."

One could not but suspect that some subjects might not like this. But its simplicity was charming. If that was all that was necessary, then, so far as Mr. Pownceby was concerned, the whole science of hypnotism was already mastered.

One couldn't help but think that some people might not be into this. But its simplicity was appealing. If that was all that was needed, then, as far as Mr. Pownceby was concerned, he had already mastered the entire science of hypnotism.

He approached Mrs. Pratt. He bent over her, devoutly hoping that no one might enter the room as he was engaged in doing so. Quite a shock went through him as he advanced his face towards hers, the expression of her countenance was so very much like death. He blew a "cold wind" on her eyes--those pretty blue eyes, whose cerulean hue he had veiled.

He walked over to Mrs. Pratt. He leaned in closer, sincerely hoping that no one would come into the room while he was doing this. He felt a jolt of surprise as he moved his face toward hers; her expression looked so much like death. He blew a "cold wind" onto her eyes—those pretty blue eyes, whose bright blue color he had covered.

"Now you can open them."

"Now you can open them."

The words were spoken with as much "authority" as he could muster in the then agitated state of his mind; but Mrs. Pratt did not open them. The pamphlet said, "Repeat if necessary." Mr. Pownceby repeated. He blew, and he blew. He blew the "cold wind" all out of him, so that the beads of perspiration stood upon his brow, but still the "subject" gave no signs.

The words were spoken with as much "authority" as he could manage in his agitated state of mind, but Mrs. Pratt didn’t open them. The pamphlet said, "Repeat if necessary." Mr. Pownceby repeated. He blew and blew. He blew the "cold wind" out of him, so that beads of sweat stood on his forehead, but still the "subject" showed no signs.

"Mrs. Pratt! Mrs. Pratt! I say, Mrs. Pratt, for heaven's sake do look at me!"

"Mrs. Pratt! Mrs. Pratt! Please, Mrs. Pratt, for heaven's sake, look at me!"

All signs of "authority" had gone from him now. But wind and voice alike were ineffectual. Apparently it was easier to hypnotise than to do the other thing. In his trouble Mr. Pownceby told himself that the writer of that pamphlet was--well, untrustworthy. Or else something had gone wrong in the working. But what could it be? He looked at his watch.

All signs of "authority" were gone from him now. But neither the wind nor his voice were having any effect. It seemed easier to hypnotize than to accomplish the other thing. In his distress, Mr. Pownceby reminded himself that the writer of that pamphlet was—well, untrustworthy. Or maybe something had malfunctioned in the process. But what could it be? He glanced at his watch.

"Half-past twelve! I shall have her husband here directly. I imagine that he will make some observations if he finds his wife like this."

"12:30! Her husband will be here any minute. I bet he'll have some comments if he sees his wife like this."

Such a contingency was only to be expected. When a man, after long absence from his wife, returns to find a stranger experimenting on her, and she in a "hypnotic" condition, from which the stranger cannot release her, his first feelings towards that stranger are not, in civilised countries, invariably friendly. Mr. Pownceby, when he had blown the "cold wind" all out of him, arrived at a resolution.

Such a situation was bound to happen. When a man comes back after being away from his wife for a long time, only to find someone he doesn't know trying to experiment on her while she's in a "hypnotic" state that the stranger can't bring her out of, his first reactions towards that stranger are not usually friendly, especially in civilized societies. Mr. Pownceby, after calming down, made a decision.

"I will tell Doris. I must get her to help me. It is quite certain that, whatever happens, I mustn't let that man come and find me alone with his wife."

"I'll tell Doris. I need to get her to help me. It's pretty clear that, no matter what happens, I can’t let that guy find me alone with his wife."

It was only the dread of such a catastrophe that brought him to the "sticking-point" of his resolution. Miss Haseltine--christened Doris--was Mr. Pownceby's betrothed. She also was wintering in the hotel with her mamma. Mr. Pownceby was aware, even painfully aware, that the young lady's feelings towards Mrs. Pratt were not of the warmest possible kind. He was equally conscious that her impression was that his feelings were, if anything, too warm. He would rather anything had happened, almost, than that he should have been reduced to the necessity of acquainting Miss Haseltine with the situation he was in. But it was certainly impossible for him to allow the returning husband to come in and find him there, alone with his wife, and she apparently in a chronic hypnotic condition.

It was only the fear of such a disaster that pushed him to the "sticking-point" of his decision. Miss Haseltine—named Doris—was Mr. Pownceby's fiancé. She was also spending the winter at the hotel with her mother. Mr. Pownceby knew, painfully so, that the young woman's feelings towards Mrs. Pratt were not very positive. He was equally aware that her impression was that his feelings were, if anything, too strong. He would have preferred anything else to being forced to inform Miss Haseltine about the situation he was in. However, it was absolutely impossible for him to let the returning husband walk in and find him there, alone with his wife, while she seemed to be in a constant hypnotic state.

So he went in search of the young lady. Of course he found her where he would have least wished to find her--in the drawing-room with the ladies. He had to call her out, and at first she wouldn't come.

So he went looking for the young lady. Naturally, he found her where he would have least liked to see her--in the living room with the ladies. He had to call her out, and at first she didn’t want to come.

But as it would have been impossible for him to tell his tale in the presence of a dozen sharp-eared and sharp-tongued women, he protested that there was something of the utmost importance which he must say to her alone. "Well, what is it?" she asked, directly he had got her outside the door. He perceived that she was not in one of her sentimental moods. Perhaps something in his manner had roused her suspicions.

But since it would have been impossible for him to tell his story in front of a dozen sharp-eared and sharp-tongued women, he insisted that there was something extremely important he needed to discuss with her privately. "Well, what is it?" she asked as soon as he had her outside the door. He noticed that she was not in one of her sentimental moods. Maybe something in his demeanor had sparked her suspicions.

"Mrs. Pratt has fainted."

"Mrs. Pratt has passed out."

"Indeed? What has that to do with me? Let her faint. She looks to me as though she were the sort of person who could faint at pleasure."

"Really? What does that have to do with me? Let her faint. She seems like the kind of person who could faint on command."

"Doris, for goodness' sake hear me out; I want your help. It's through me she's fainted."

"Doris, please just listen to me; I need your help. It's because of me that she fainted."

"Pray what do you mean?"

"What do you mean?"

"It's--it's this confounded thing." Mr. Pownceby held out the slim, green-covered pamphlet. "You know I told you I'd written for that pamphlet, 'How to Hypnotise.' Well, the thing came this morning; here it is! I've been experimenting on her, and I've not only hypnotised her, but, by George, I can't get her round again."

"It's—it's this annoying thing." Mr. Pownceby held out the slim, green-covered pamphlet. "You know I told you I requested that pamphlet, 'How to Hypnotize.' Well, it arrived this morning; here it is! I've been experimenting on her, and I've not only hypnotized her, but, by God, I can't wake her up again."

"A pretty state of things, upon my word."

"A great situation, I swear."

"Don't pitch into me now, Doris, don't. There she is in her sitting-room in a fit or something; I don't know what's the matter with her; and her husband's coming this morning."

"Don’t get on my case right now, Doris, please don’t. There she is in her living room having some kind of meltdown; I have no idea what’s wrong with her; and her husband is coming this morning."

"He is coming at last, is he?"

"He's finally coming, right?"

"I expect him every moment; he's due at 12.32."

"I expect him any minute now; he's supposed to arrive at 12:32."

"She seems to have told you all about it."

"She appears to have filled you in on everything."

"She told me so much, at any rate. I know I've been an ass, I can see that now, but lend me a hand first, and let me have it afterwards. I was obliged to come to you. I couldn't let him find me alone with her in such a state as that. Come and see what you can do for her, there's a darling, do! After all, it's for me, you know, not her."

"She shared a lot with me, anyway. I realize I've been a jerk; I can see that now. But please help me out first, and then you can lay into me later. I had to come to you. I couldn't let him catch me alone with her like this. Come and see what you can do for her, please! After all, it's for my sake, not hers."

Miss Haseltine yielded so far as to advance with him along the corridor. There was a fresh arrival when they reached the hall--a gentleman. He was speaking to the young lady, who acted as book-keeper, through the office window.

Miss Haseltine agreed to walk with him down the hallway. When they arrived in the hall, there was a new arrival—a gentleman. He was talking to the young lady who worked as the bookkeeper through the office window.

"My name is Pratt--Gilead J. Pratt. I believe my wife is staying here."

"My name is Pratt—Gilead J. Pratt. I think my wife is staying here."

Mr. Pownceby clutched Miss Haseltine's arm.

Mr. Pownceby grabbed Miss Haseltine's arm.

"It's he!" he whispered.

"It's him!" he whispered.

"There is a Mrs. Pratt staying here," replied the book-keeper. "Her sitting-room is No. 13."

"There’s a Mrs. Pratt staying here," the bookkeeper replied. "Her sitting room is No. 13."

The new arrival was about to be ushered into No. 13, when Mr. Pownceby interposed. He hurried across the hall and touched him on the shoulder. "Excuse me, may I speak to you? My name is Pownceby."

The new arrival was about to be led into No. 13 when Mr. Pownceby interrupted. He quickly crossed the hall and tapped him on the shoulder. "Excuse me, can I talk to you? My name is Pownceby."

The new arrival turned and faced him. As he did so Mr. Pownceby perceived, a little dimly perhaps, what sort of a man he was. He was of medium height, slightly built, about forty years of age, very dark, with a clean-shaven face and a pair of keen black eyes, which looked at Mr. Pownceby as though they meant to pierce him.

The newcomer turned to face him. As he did, Mr. Pownceby noticed, albeit a bit vaguely, what kind of man he was. He was of average height, slim build, around forty years old, very dark-skinned, with a clean-shaven face and a pair of sharp black eyes that seemed to look right through Mr. Pownceby.

"Delighted to hear you speak, or any man, even if his name's not Pownceby."

"Glad to hear you talk, or any guy, even if his name isn't Pownceby."

Directly the words were spoken Mr. Pownceby became conscious that the new arrival was an American.

Directly after the words were spoken, Mr. Pownceby realized that the new arrival was American.

"I believe you are Mr. Pratt--Mrs. Pratt's husband."

"I think you’re Mr. Pratt—Mrs. Pratt’s husband."

"I am--worse luck."

"I'm so unlucky."

"Eh--she intended to meet you at 12.32."

"Uh—she planned to meet you at 12:32."

"She did, did she? That's her all through. As she used to be. She never did get farther than intentions. It is about two years since I saw her, and I don't see her now. Have you a message to deliver? Does she desire that I should go away for another two years? If so, I'm willing."

"She did, did she? That's typical of her. Just like she always was. She never got beyond just planning. It's been about two years since I last saw her, and I still can’t see her now. Do you have a message to pass on? Does she want me to stay away for another two years? If that’s the case, I'm okay with it."

As this was said out loud, without the slightest attempt at concealment, so that every word was audible, not only to Mr. Pownceby, to whom the remarks were addressed, but also to Miss Haseltine, and the book-keeper, and the porter, and the boots, and the waiter, and the chambermaid, and any other straggler who might happen to be within fifty yards or so, it would seem that in her husband Mrs. Pratt possessed a man of character. But Mr. Pownceby was not fond of such publicity.

As this was said out loud, without the slightest attempt to hide it, so that every word could be heard, not just by Mr. Pownceby, to whom the comments were directed, but also by Miss Haseltine, the bookkeeper, the porter, the bellhop, the waiter, the maid, and anyone else who might be within fifty yards or so, it seemed that Mrs. Pratt had a husband of strong character. However, Mr. Pownceby did not like such attention.

"Can I say a word to you alone?"

"Can I talk to you privately for a moment?"

"No, sir, you cannot. If you have a message from my wife, say it. If not, lead on to No. 13."

"No, sir, you can't. If you have a message from my wife, go ahead and tell me. If not, please take me to No. 13."

"The fact is, Mr. Pratt, eh--Mrs. Pratt is not--eh--quite well."

"The truth is, Mr. Pratt, um--Mrs. Pratt is not--um--feeling very well."

"Is that so? I'm glad to hear it. It's a comfort to know that only sickness would keep her from her husband; though it wouldn't need much of that to keep her from a chance of seeing me."

"Is that right? I'm happy to hear that. It's reassuring to know that only illness would prevent her from being with her husband; although it wouldn't take much of that to stop her from having a chance to see me."

"The fact is, I wish, Mr. Pratt, you would let me speak to you alone."

"The truth is, I wish, Mr. Pratt, you would let me talk to you privately."

"No, sir, I will not. If she's dead, don't spare my feelings. If she has left me for a better man, don't spare my feelings either."

"No, sir, I won't. If she's dead, don’t hold back on telling me. If she’s left me for someone better, don’t hold back on that either."

"The fact is, she's in a hypnotic state."

"The truth is, she's in a trance."

"In a what state?"

"In what state?"

"A hypnotic state."

"A trance state."

"What state's that?"

"What state is that?"

"'Hypnotic' 's a new word--it's been brought in lately--it means 'mesmeric.'"

"'Hypnotic' is a new word—it's just come into use recently—it means 'mesmeric.'"

Mr. Pratt paused before replying. He looked Mr. Pownceby up and down.

Mr. Pratt paused before responding. He looked Mr. Pownceby over from head to toe.

"Look here, Mr. ---- I think you mentioned Pownceby; I don't know who you are, but you seem a friendly kind of man. Take my advice and get something off your chest. I see you've got it on."

"Hey, Mr. ---- I think you mentioned Pownceby; I don’t know who you are, but you seem like a nice guy. Just take my advice and share what’s bothering you. I can tell you’ve got something weighing on you."

Mr. Pownceby smiled, rather faintly. He did not lack presence of mind, as a rule, though just then the situation was as much as he could manage. He made a dash at it.

Mr. Pownceby smiled, somewhat weakly. He usually had a good presence of mind, but at that moment, the situation was more than he could handle. He took a shot at it.

"I wish you would give me half a minute alone; but, since you will not, I must try to tell my story where we are. You see this book?" Mr. Pownceby held up the fatal treatise. "It contains instructions for the performance of mesmeric experiments. Mrs. Pratt insisted on my performing one of them on her. I succeeded in producing the mesmeric state, but I--I couldn't get her out of it."

"I wish you would give me a minute alone, but since you won't, I’ll try to share my story right here. You see this book?" Mr. Pownceby held up the troubling book. "It has instructions for doing mesmeric experiments. Mrs. Pratt insisted I perform one on her. I was able to get her into the mesmeric state, but I—I couldn’t bring her out of it."

There was a curious twinkle in Mr. Pratt's eyes.

There was a curious sparkle in Mr. Pratt's eyes.

"I don't catch on," he said.

"I don't get it," he said.

"I say that I hypnotised her--that is, produced the mesmeric state, but that I--I couldn't get her out of it."

"I mean that I hypnotized her—that is, I put her in a trance, but I—I couldn't bring her out of it."

"Well?"

"What's up?"

"She's in it now."

"She's involved now."

"In what?"

"In what way?"

"The mesmeric state."

"The mesmerizing state."

"Does she seem to like it?"

"Does she seem to enjoy it?"

"That is more than I can say. I had just induced Miss Haseltine to come to my assistance when we were so fortunate as to encounter you."

"That's more than I can say. I had just convinced Miss Haseltine to help me when we were lucky enough to run into you."

"Then I am to understand that when she ought to have been at the depôt looking out for me, she was engaged in looking out for the mesmeric state along with you; is that so?"

"Then I understand that when she should have been at the station waiting for me, she was busy looking for the hypnotic state with you; is that right?"

"I'm afraid it is."

"I'm sorry, but it is."

"Where is she?"

"Where is she at?"

"In her sitting-room, No. 13."

"In her living room, No. 13."

"Lead on to No. 13."

"Go to No. 13."

The procession started. The waiter went first, Mr. Pratt next, and after him Miss Haseltine and Mr. Pownceby. Miss Haseltine's demeanour was severe. Either her severity or something else seemed to weigh upon her lover, who did not appear to be altogether at his ease. They reached No. 13. The waiter knocked. There was no reply. He knocked again; still no reply. Mr. Pratt turned towards Mr. Pownceby.

The procession began. The waiter led the way, followed by Mr. Pratt, and then Miss Haseltine and Mr. Pownceby. Miss Haseltine had a serious expression. Either her seriousness or something else seemed to be bothering her partner, who didn't seem completely comfortable. They arrived at No. 13. The waiter knocked. There was no response. He knocked again; still no response. Mr. Pratt looked over at Mr. Pownceby.

"I guess she's still in that state of yours. I think we'll all go in." He turned the handle of the door and entered. "I guess she's quitted."

"I think she's still in your condition. I believe we should all go in." He turned the doorknob and walked inside. "I guess she's given up."

The room was empty.

The room was vacant.



CHAPTER II.

AND THE GENTLEMAN.


It was undoubtedly the case, unless they were to suppose that she had hidden under the sofa, or behind the curtains. Mr. Pownceby looked about him, conscious of a slight feeling of bewilderment. There were the two chairs, exactly as he left them, but the one which Mrs. Pratt had occupied was vacant.

It was definitely the case, unless they thought she was hiding under the sofa or behind the curtains. Mr. Pownceby looked around, feeling a bit confused. The two chairs were exactly how he left them, but the one Mrs. Pratt had been sitting in was empty.

"It's very odd," he murmured.

"That's pretty strange," he murmured.

"How?"

"How?"

"She was certainly unconscious when I left her."

"She was definitely unconscious when I left her."

"Perhaps the knowledge that she was failing in her duty as a wife came to her in that mesmeric state; came to her so strongly that she started off to the depôt, just then and there, to look for me. If she's at the depôt now, in the state you say she was, I guess she'll soon be popular."

"Maybe the realization that she was not fulfilling her role as a wife hit her in that trance-like state; it struck her so profoundly that she immediately set off for the depot to find me. If she’s at the depot now, in the condition you described, I imagine she’ll become quite popular."

"Don't you think I'd better go and look for her?"

"Don't you think I should go look for her?"

"I do not. If she's gone, she's gone, and if she comes back again she comes, but I'm not the man to put my friends out for a trifle. My friend, if you will allow me to call you so, give me your hand." Before Mr. Pownceby was quite aware of it, Mr. Pratt had possession of his hand. "I thank you. You have placed me under an obligation to you this day. But it may be that I shall cry you evens yet. Let's liquor. Perhaps the young lady will pool in?" Miss Haseltine, however, making some inaudible remark having reference to her mamma, vanished out of sight. Mr. Pratt was not at all abashed. He addressed the waiters. "Champagne--a large bottle--and a bucket of ice."

"I don't. If she’s gone, she’s gone, and if she comes back, she comes back, but I'm not the kind of guy to inconvenience my friends over something small. My friend, if I can call you that, give me your hand." Before Mr. Pownceby realized it, Mr. Pratt had grabbed his hand. "Thank you. You’ve put me in your debt today. But maybe I’ll get even with you yet. Let’s drink. Maybe the young lady will join us?" However, Miss Haseltine, making some inaudible remark about her mother, disappeared from sight. Mr. Pratt didn’t seem fazed at all. He spoke to the waiters. "Champagne—a large bottle—and a bucket of ice."

Mr. Pownceby protested.

Mr. Pownceby objected.

"You are very kind, but I don't drink at this hour of the day, and only so----"

"You are very kind, but I don't drink at this time of day, and only so----"

Mr. Pratt cut him short.

Mr. Pratt interrupted him.

"Fetch the drink." The waiter fled. "If, after performing those pleasing experiments on the wife, you refuse to drink with the husband, I shall take it quite unkindly."

"Get the drink." The waiter hurried off. "If, after doing those enjoyable activities with the wife, you refuse to drink with the husband, I will take it very personally."

"But don't you think some inquiries ought to be made for Mrs. Pratt?"

"But don't you think some questions should be asked for Mrs. Pratt?"

"I do not. What I do think is that I ought to cultivate your friendship now that I have the chance. A man who knows the wife so well should know something of the husband too."

"I don't. What I do think is that I should build your friendship now that I have the opportunity. A man who knows the wife so well should know something about the husband too."

The drink came. Mr. Pratt saw two bumpers filled. Mr. Pownceby, who was an abstemious man, had a difficulty in escaping being compelled to drain his draught.

The drink arrived. Mr. Pratt noticed two glasses were filled. Mr. Pownceby, who was a moderate man, struggled to avoid being forced to finish his drink.

"Bring another bottle when I ring," said Mr. Pratt as the waiter left the room.

"Bring another bottle when I call," Mr. Pratt said as the waiter left the room.

The two gentlemen were left alone. Mr. Pownceby still did not feel quite easy in his mind. Champagne generally disagreed with him at any time, always in the morning. He had some glimmerings of an idea that, if he refused to drink, Mr. Pratt would seek in his refusal an occasion to quarrel. He had heard and read of some curious customs in the States; how, for instance, to refuse, under certain circumstances, to drink with a citizen of the Great Republic was to place on him an insult which could only be wiped out by blood--blood in which six-shooters played a part. He half suspected that Mr. Pratt was a citizen like that. Certainly he was unlike any American he had seen. His indifference to his wife's fate was almost brutal. Mr. Pownceby felt this, but he also felt that it was impossible for him to insist on making inquiries if the husband declined to sanction them. Nor was his uneasiness lessened by Mr. Pratt's appearance of entire ease. That gentleman leaned back in his chair--the one his wife had occupied--his summer coat unbuttoned, his hat tilted on to the back of his head.

The two gentlemen were left alone. Mr. Pownceby still didn’t feel completely at ease. Champagne usually didn’t sit well with him, especially in the morning. He had a nagging feeling that if he refused to drink, Mr. Pratt would see his refusal as a reason to start a fight. He had heard and read about some strange customs in the States; for example, how refusing to drink with an American under certain circumstances could be seen as an insult that could only be resolved with violence—violence involving revolvers. He suspected that Mr. Pratt might be the type of American described in those stories. He was definitely unlike any American Mr. Pownceby had encountered before. Mr. Pratt's indifference to his wife's situation felt almost brutal. Mr. Pownceby recognized this, but he also felt it was impossible to press for answers if the husband wasn’t willing to allow it. His discomfort wasn’t eased by Mr. Pratt’s relaxed demeanor. That gentleman lounged back in his chair—the one his wife had used—his summer coat unbuttoned and his hat tilted back on his head.

"So you hypnotised my wife?" Mr. Pownceby smiled faintly; the subject was beginning to be unpleasant. "Hypnotise me."

"So you put my wife under your spell?" Mr. Pownceby smiled slightly; the topic was starting to get uncomfortable. "Hypnotize me."

Mr. Pownceby started.

Mr. Pownceby began.

"I suppose you're joking?"

"Are you joking?"

"Why? My wife had an inquiring mind, why shouldn't I have too? Perhaps you prefer trying those sort of experiments on wives rather than on their husbands."

"Why? My wife was curious, so why shouldn't I be? Maybe you like to run those kinds of experiments on wives instead of their husbands."

Mr. Pownceby was not quite sure if this remark was intended disagreeably. It made him wince.

Mr. Pownceby wasn't sure if this comment was meant to be unpleasant. It made him cringe.

"Perhaps you think I have been trying these experiments all my life. Until this pamphlet was brought by this morning's post I knew no more about hypnotism than you do. My first experiment was tried, at her own urgent request, upon your wife."

"Maybe you think I've been experimenting with this my whole life. Until this pamphlet arrived in this morning's mail, I knew as little about hypnotism as you do. My first experiment was conducted, at her strong request, on your wife."

"I take after her; I'm fond of experiments too. That book must be a treasure. Oblige me with a glance at it."

"I take after her; I love experiments too. That book must be a gem. Please let me take a look at it."

Mr. Pownceby handed it to him. Mr. Pratt began reading at the end.

Mr. Pownceby handed it to him. Mr. Pratt started reading from the end.

"There's a nice little bit as a finish." Mr. Pratt read it aloud: "'In conclusion, I would earnestly ask all my readers to remember that this valuable science should not be abused, especially in the case of females, and that, in all cases when making experiments, they should have friends or other persons present.' That's sound advice. Did you notice it?"

"There's a nice little ending." Mr. Pratt read it aloud: "'In conclusion, I would sincerely urge all my readers to remember that this valuable science should not be misused, especially when it comes to women, and that, in every case of conducting experiments, they should have friends or other people present.' That's solid advice. Did you catch that?"

"I--I think it caught my eye!"

"I—I think it caught my attention!"

Mr. Pownceby seemed a little fidgety. Mr. Pratt turned to the beginning.

Mr. Pownceby seemed a bit restless. Mr. Pratt turned to the start.

"I see it mentions that the subject is to stare at the operator, and the operator is to stare at the subject, for about ten minutes or a quarter of an hour. Did you work the thing like that?"

"I see it says that the subject should look at the operator, and the operator should look at the subject, for about ten minutes or a quarter of an hour. Did you do it that way?"

"I followed, to the best of my ability, the instructions contained in the pamphlet."

"I did my best to follow the instructions in the pamphlet."

"Did you stare at my wife?"

"Did you look at my wife?"

"It sounds uncivil, but I'm afraid I did."

"It may seem rude, but I'm sorry to say I did."

"For ten minutes or a quarter of an hour?"

"For ten minutes or a quarter of an hour?"

"About that."

"Regarding that."

"And did my wife stare at you?"

"And did my wife look at you?"

Mr. Pownceby laughed. He was conscious that Mr. Pratt's line of examination was tending to place him in a false position.

Mr. Pownceby laughed. He realized that Mr. Pratt's way of questioning was putting him in a misleading position.

"I perceive you've marked this work with your pencil where it says, 'Place the thumb of your left hand on the subject's forehead, just above the nose, and level with the eyebrows.' Did you place the thumb of your left hand on my wife's forehead just above the nose, level with the eyebrows?"

"I see you've marked this work with your pencil where it says, 'Place the thumb of your left hand on the subject's forehead, just above the nose, and in line with the eyebrows.' Did you actually put the thumb of your left hand on my wife's forehead, just above the nose, in line with the eyebrows?"

"Really, Mr. Pratt, I can only say that, with the view of making a little experiment, I followed, to the best of my ability, the instructions generally."

"Honestly, Mr. Pratt, I can only say that, in order to conduct a small experiment, I followed the instructions as best as I could."

"You seem to have seen the thing well through. It says that you've next to rest the ends of your fingers on the top of the subject's head. Did you rest the ends of your fingers on the top of my wife's head?"

"You seem to have understood the situation pretty well. It says that you almost rested the tips of your fingers on the top of the subject’s head. Did you actually rest the tips of your fingers on the top of my wife’s head?"

"You may take it for granted that I did whatever the book directs."

"You can assume that I followed the book's instructions."

"May I? That's kind. You increase my sense of obligation. Then you're to say to the subject, 'Look into my eyes.' Did you ask my wife to look into your eyes?"

"May I? That's thoughtful. You’re making me feel more obligated. So, you'll tell the subject, 'Look into my eyes.' Did you ask my wife to look into your eyes?"

"I did--certainly."

"I definitely did."

"Certainly. Of course. You're thorough--like the book. The man who put this book together had seen it done before. Then you're to say, 'Close your eyes quite tight.' Did you tell my wife to close her eyes quite tight?"

"Sure. Absolutely. You're detailed—just like the book. The guy who compiled this book had seen it done before. Then you’re supposed to say, 'Close your eyes really tight.' Did you tell my wife to close her eyes really tight?"

"I did. It was at that point that she went off into the hypnotic state."

"I did. That’s when she slipped into a hypnotic state."

"Was it now? This is really interesting. And what did you do next?"

"Was it? That's really interesting. What did you do next?"

"I tried to bring her to."

"I tried to wake her up."

"Now, hark at that! And after all the trouble you had taken to send her off. And did she come?"

"Now, listen to that! And after all the effort you put into sending her away. Did she actually come?"

"I am sorry to say, as I have already explained to you, that my efforts were not attended with success."

"I’m sorry to say, as I’ve already explained to you, that my efforts didn’t succeed."

"That was mean of her--real mean. And I suppose that, when you were performing these little experiments of yours upon my wife, this room was filled with a large assemblage?"

"That was really harsh of her—like, seriously harsh. And I guess that when you were conducting those little experiments on my wife, this room was packed with a big crowd?"

"We were alone together. I wish, now, it had been otherwise."

"We were alone together. I wish it had been different."

"Why?"

"Why?"

"After the questions you have already put to me, that needs no answer."

"After the questions you've already asked me, that doesn't need an answer."

"Think not? Well, let me fill up your glass for you, Mr. Pownceby."

"Don't believe it? Let me refill your glass, Mr. Pownceby."

"I am obliged to you, but must beg you to excuse me."

"I appreciate your kindness, but I have to ask you to forgive me."

"Is that so? You don't show yourself so friendly towards me as towards my wife. Perhaps, Mr. Pownceby, you're not aware that for the last two years I've been trotting round the world picking up the pieces to throw into her lap. She's English, and I'm American. She's not at all times fond of me, and we sometimes differ; but I love her, in my way. So you may think that when the first thing I hear, when I come to catch a sight of her after a two years' parting, is this little tale of yours, I find it a pleasing tale entirely. I find it that, I do assure you. Now, the only thing I should like you to do would be to play those little tricks on me which you played upon my wife. I should like to be hypnotised, uncommonly."

"Is that so? You don’t seem as friendly towards me as you are to my wife. Maybe, Mr. Pownceby, you don’t realize that for the past two years I’ve been traveling around the world collecting pieces to bring back to her. She’s English, and I’m American. She doesn’t always like me, and we sometimes disagree, but I care about her in my own way. So you can imagine that when the first thing I hear upon finally seeing her after two years apart is your little story, I find it quite a delightful tale. I truly do. Now, the only thing I’d like you to do is to pull those little tricks on me that you did with my wife. I’d really like to be hypnotized."

"If I were to attempt to do so I don't think that I should succeed. But, in any case, after my experience of this morning, it will be a long time before I make any more experiments on any one."

"If I tried to do that, I don’t think I would succeed. But, after what happened this morning, it’s going to be a long time before I try any more experiments on anyone."

"Is that so? Think it over, Mr. Pownceby, while I lock this door and slip the key into my pocket."

"Is that so? Think about it, Mr. Pownceby, while I lock this door and put the key in my pocket."

Mr. Pratt locked the door and "slipped," as he called it, the key into his pocket.

Mr. Pratt locked the door and "slipped," as he called it, the key into his pocket.

"Mr. Pratt, I insist upon your unlocking that door."

"Mr. Pratt, I insist that you unlock that door."

"Mr. Pownceby, I was raised out West, and I was raised fighting, and I learnt to smell a fight when it was coming, and there's as big a fight now coming as ever I yet smelt."

"Mr. Pownceby, I grew up in the West, and I learned to fight, and I can sense a fight when it’s on the way, and there’s a huge fight heading our way like I’ve never sensed before."

"Why do you use this language, sir, to me?"

"Why do you speak to me like this, sir?"

"It's my ignorance, may be. But in those parts where I was raised, when one man played upon another man's wife the tricks you've played on mine, it generally ended up in fighting. You bet it's going to end in fighting now." Mr. Pownceby made a movement towards the bell. Mr. Pratt sprang in front of him. "You can ring the bell, sir, afterwards; but first you'll listen to me. They'll have to break the door down to get into this room, and that'll be a scandal; and while they're breaking it down I'll be whipping you. You'd better, take it fighting. I've got a shooter." Putting his hand to his pistol-pocket, Mr. Pratt flashed the barrel of a revolver in Mr. Pownceby's face. "But I know your English notions, and I don't want to use it in a little affair like this. Let's strip to the waist, and clear the furniture out of the middle of the room, and have a little prize-fight all to ourselves."

"It's probably just my ignorance. But in the place where I grew up, when one guy messed around with another guy's wife like you have with mine, it usually ended in a fight. You can bet it’s going to end in a fight now." Mr. Pownceby reached for the bell. Mr. Pratt jumped in front of him. "Go ahead and ring the bell later; but first, you need to hear me out. They'll have to break the door down to get into this room, and that would be a mess; and while they're doing that, I'll be taking you down. You’d better be ready to fight. I’ve got a gun.” He reached into his pocket and brandished the barrel of a revolver right in Mr. Pownceby’s face. “But I know about your English ways, and I don’t want to use it in a little situation like this. Let’s take off our shirts, move the furniture out of the way, and have a little prizefight just between us.”

"Do you take me for a madman, Mr. Pratt? If you don't immediately unlock the door I shall summon assistance, and if you use any violence towards me, I shall give you into the charge of the police."

"Do you think I’m crazy, Mr. Pratt? If you don't unlock the door right now, I'll call for help, and if you lay a hand on me, I’ll report you to the police."

"Is that your line? That's mine!"

"Is that your line? That's my line!"

Dropping the hand which held the revolver, Mr. Pratt delivered with his left. Delivered so neatly, in the centre of Mr. Pownceby's forehead, that that gentleman was hurled backwards on to the floor.

Dropping the hand that held the revolver, Mr. Pratt delivered a punch with his left. It landed so perfectly in the center of Mr. Pownceby's forehead that he was knocked backwards onto the floor.

"If you like you can take it lying down, and you can summon assistance while you are taking it; but you'll take it somehow--that you bet."

"If you want, you can just take it lying down, and you can call for help while you’re dealing with it; but you’ll face it one way or another—that’s for sure."

Mr. Pownceby, lying on the floor, looked up at Mr. Pratt standing over him.

Mr. Pownceby, lying on the floor, looked up at Mr. Pratt standing over him.

"Let me get up." He got up. The blow had cut the skin, and the blood was trickling through. With his handkerchief he staunched the flow. "In America, Mr. Pratt, they may think the sort of thing that you propose heroic. In England they consider a row of any sort ridiculous."

"Let me get up." He stood up. The strike had broken the skin, and blood was dripping down. He used his handkerchief to stop the bleeding. "In America, Mr. Pratt, they might view what you're suggesting as heroic. In England, they find any kind of commotion ridiculous."

"Consider! It isn't what they consider I'm thinking of, it's how you're going to take it."

"Think about it! It’s not what they think I’m thinking; it’s how you’re going to take it."

Mr. Pownceby fixed his glance on Mr. Pratt's keen black eyes. He smiled.

Mr. Pownceby focused his gaze on Mr. Pratt's sharp black eyes. He smiled.

"Take it? I'll take it fighting, like the converter of Colonel Quagg!"

"Take it? I'll take it, fighting like Colonel Quagg's converter!"

"I thought you would. I smelt it coming on."

"I knew you would. I could sense it coming."

As he spoke Mr. Pratt placed his revolver on the mantelshelf. Mr. Pownceby was still smiling.

As he talked, Mr. Pratt set his revolver on the mantel. Mr. Pownceby was still smiling.

"Do you propose to settle it now?"

"Are you suggesting we settle this now?"

"I do. I propose to settle it before you leave this room."

"I do. I suggest we settle this before you leave this room."

"In that case don't you think we'd better pull the blind down, or people walking on the terrace will be able to see the fun? If we are going to make asses of ourselves, we may as well do it, as far as possible, in private."

"In that case, don’t you think we should close the blinds? Otherwise, people walking on the terrace will see what we’re up to. If we’re going to embarrass ourselves, we might as well do it privately as much as we can."

Mr. Pratt pulled the blind down. The sun was shining outside. The room was still quite light.

Mr. Pratt closed the blind. The sun was shining outside. The room was still pretty bright.

"I guess," said Mr. Pratt, "we had better clear the furniture out of the middle of the room."

"I guess," said Mr. Pratt, "we should move the furniture out of the middle of the room."

Mr. Pownceby assisted him in doing so, what little there was to clear. The bottle of champagne and the two glasses they placed with the revolver on the mantelshelf. They then proceeded to strip. As they were doing so Mr. Pownceby asked a question.

Mr. Pownceby helped him with what little needed to be cleared away. They put the bottle of champagne and the two glasses on the mantel with the revolver. Then they started to undress. While they were doing that, Mr. Pownceby asked a question.

"How shall we manage about time?"

"How are we going to deal with time?"

"We will call time when we feel we want it. You understand, this is not only a fight; it's a whipping. I'm whipping you."

"We'll end things when we feel like it. You get it, this isn't just a fight; it's a beating. I'm beating you."

Mr. Pownceby smiled as he answered: "I understand exactly."

Mr. Pownceby smiled as he replied, "I totally get it."

When they were in position there was not much, so far as appearance went, for a lover of the "fancy" to choose between the two. Now that they were peeled, both seemed thoroughly fit--as fit almost as though they had been trained. Mr. Pownceby was fair, Mr. Pratt was dark; that was about the only difference. Both would have turned the scale at something near eleven stone, and both measured something under five foot eight. Nor did it take long to show that both could use their hands. There was none of that waiting for each other which so often tries the patience of the spectators round a ring. Mr. Pratt came at once to business; with, perhaps, rather too much self-confidence. He was apparently under the impression that it was going to be a case of whipping his opponent from the first; which was the reason, doubtless, that Mr. Pownceby succeeded in returning the compliment which had been paid himself, and landing Mr. Pratt upon his back. That gentleman seemed surprised.

When they got into position, there wasn't much for someone who loved the "fancy" to pick from between the two. Now that they were stripped down, both looked completely ready—almost as if they had been trained. Mr. Pownceby was fair, while Mr. Pratt was dark; that was pretty much the only difference. Both weighed around eleven stone and were just under five foot eight. It didn’t take long to show that both knew how to handle themselves. There was none of that waiting around that often tests the patience of the spectators in a ring. Mr. Pratt jumped right into it, maybe a bit too full of himself. He seemed to think he’d be able to dominate his opponent from the get-go. This, no doubt, is why Mr. Pownceby managed to return the favor that had been given to him and ended up landing Mr. Pratt on his back. Mr. Pratt looked surprised.

"I say," he asked, lying where he had fallen, "what's this?"

"I say," he asked, lying where he had fallen, "what's going on?"

Mr. Pownceby replied politely: "I hope I haven't hurt you?"

Mr. Pownceby replied politely, "I hope I didn't hurt you."

"You haven't hurt me--much. You've surprised me--more. I reckon we'll continue."

"You haven't hurt me—much. You've surprised me—more. I guess we'll keep going."

The proceedings recommenced. But this time Mr. Pratt had changed his tactics. Instead of coming up with the apparent intention of wiping his opponent off the face of the earth with a single blow, he played his game more cautiously. He fenced; but, becoming tired of this, and feeling possibly that the whipping was not proceeding fast enough, he led off with his right, and followed on with his left, and Mr. Pownceby countered and returned--returned with such effect that for half a minute Mr. Pratt was dancing about while Mr. Pownceby was performing on him much in the fashion which the regimental drummer beats to quarters on his drum.

The proceedings restarted. But this time, Mr. Pratt had changed his approach. Instead of trying to knock out his opponent in one shot, he played it more cautiously. He fenced for a bit, but then grew tired of that and, feeling the fight wasn’t moving quickly enough, he launched an attack with his right hand and followed it up with his left. Mr. Pownceby countered and responded—he responded so effectively that for half a minute, Mr. Pratt was dancing around while Mr. Pownceby was taking him on much like a regimental drummer beats to quarters on his drum.

"Time!" he cried.

"Time!" he shouted.

The round was over. A pause ensued, during which his feelings were plainly too deep for words.

The round was over. There was a moment of silence, during which his feelings were clearly too intense for words.

"Have you ever had a whipping before?" he asked.

"Have you ever been whipped before?" he asked.

Mr. Pownceby smiled; it was evident that his smile was a smile of enjoyment at last.

Mr. Pownceby smiled; it was clear that his smile was one of genuine enjoyment at last.

"One or two," he said.

"One or two," he said.

"Like this?"

"Is this what you mean?"

"Not exactly. In England we don't, as a rule, indulge in this form of amusement in the private sitting-room of an hotel."

"Not really. In England, we generally don't engage in this type of entertainment in a hotel's private sitting room."

"Don't you? Well, it's as well. I smelt that a big fight was coming, and it's come. I'm going to enjoy myself entirely. You've closed up one of my eyes, I should say, from the feel of it, for ever. You've broken the bridge of my nose; what there'll be to pay for the blood upon the carpet--there's a quart gone from me already--is more than I quite care to think. Before I've finished whipping you I reckon I'll be slain."

"Don't you think? Well, it's just as well. I could sense a big fight was on the way, and here it is. I'm going to have a great time. You've closed one of my eyes for good, from what it feels like. You've broken my nose; I don't even want to think about how much I'll owe for the blood on the carpet—there's already a quart of it gone from me. By the time I’m done beating you, I expect I’ll be dead."

"Come, Mr. Pratt, don't you think this foolish business had better cease? If you require an apology I am willing to tender one in any form you like. What passed between your wife and myself was simply in the nature of a little scientific experiment."

"Come on, Mr. Pratt, don’t you think this silly business should stop? If you need an apology, I’m happy to offer one in whatever way you prefer. What happened between your wife and me was just a small scientific experiment."

"It'll be in the nature of a little scientific experiment what's going to pass between us too. I'm fond of experiments as well as you. Time!"

"It'll be like a little scientific experiment what's going to happen between us too. I enjoy experiments just as much as you do. Time!"

Mr. Pratt fell into position. He struck at Mr. Pownceby. Mr. Pownceby laughed as he warded off the blow.

Mr. Pratt took his stance. He swung at Mr. Pownceby. Mr. Pownceby chuckled as he deflected the hit.

"Come, Mr. Pratt, why will you persist in this absurdity?"

"Come on, Mr. Pratt, why do you keep insisting on this nonsense?"

"I'm going to whip you, sir."

"I'm going to beat you, sir."

"In that case you really must excuse me for putting on the steam. If a waiter or someone were to come and find me engaged like this, I should never hear the last of it as long as I lived. Here goes!"

"In that case, you really have to forgive me for getting a little intense. If a waiter or someone were to walk in and see me like this, I’d never hear the end of it for the rest of my life. Here we go!"

It went. He had been warding off Mr. Pratt's blows while he was speaking. When he ceased the battle really joined. Mr. Pratt's guards were nowhere. In spite of all that he could do to save himself, his antagonist proceeded to administer severe punishment in thoroughly workmanlike style. The blows rang out upon his head and body. Mr. Pownceby wound up with one under the chin which lifted him off his feet and laid him on his back. He lay where he fell. The blow had knocked him senseless. Mr. Pownceby proceeded to revive him with the remains of the champagne.

It happened. He had been fending off Mr. Pratt's punches while he was talking. Once he stopped, the fight really began. Mr. Pratt's defenses were gone. No matter how hard he tried to protect himself, his opponent continued to deliver serious hits in a very effective manner. The punches struck his head and body. Mr. Pownceby finished with an uppercut that lifted him off his feet and sent him crashing onto his back. He lay there where he fell. The hit had knocked him out. Mr. Pownceby then tried to revive him with the leftover champagne.

"This," he murmured, opening his eyes and looking up, "is nice."

"This," he said softly, opening his eyes and looking up, "is nice."

Mr. Pownceby propped him up upon a chair.

Mr. Pownceby helped him sit up in a chair.

"You compelled me to rush the thing; but I hope I haven't hurt you much."

"You pushed me to hurry things along; but I hope I didn't hurt you too much."

"Well," said Mr. Pratt, "you haven't killed me--quite. I never enjoyed whipping a man so much before. Say, stranger, is this the first little fight you've had?"

"Well," said Mr. Pratt, "you haven't completely killed me yet. I’ve never enjoyed beating someone so much before. So, stranger, is this the first fight you’ve ever had?"

"I've sparred for the amateur championship, and won it twice. I'm going in for it again next week."

"I've competed for the amateur championship and won it twice. I'm going for it again next week."

"You might have mentioned that before the game began."

"You might have said that before the game started."

"If the inherent absurdity of your proposal could not deter you, I doubt if any information I might have imparted would have been of much avail."

"If the obvious absurdity of your proposal couldn't stop you, I doubt that any information I could give you would be of much help."

"There's something in that. Time!"

"There's something in that. Time!"

Mr. Pratt rose from his chair. He stood on his feet--rather doubtfully.

Mr. Pratt got up from his chair. He stood on his feet—somewhat uncertainly.

"What do you mean?" asked Mr. Pownceby.

"What do you mean?" asked Mr. Pownceby.

"I'm going on whipping you."

"I'm going to whip you."

"Look here, Mr. Pratt, each time you stand up I shall simply knock you down again. Of course you can go on with that sort of thing as long as you like."

"Listen here, Mr. Pratt, every time you get up, I’m just going to knock you down again. Sure, you can keep that up for as long as you want."

"That is so; I can. And that's a sort of thing of which one doesn't care to get more than enough."

"That’s true; I can. And that's the kind of thing you don’t want to have too much of."

Mr. Pratt rested his hand on the back of a chair. It seemed as though, without some support of that kind, he could not stand. Mr. Pownceby advanced to him.

Mr. Pratt rested his hand on the back of a chair. It seemed like, without that kind of support, he couldn’t stand. Mr. Pownceby stepped up to him.

"Mr. Pratt, give me your hand."

"Mr. Pratt, please give me your hand."

Mr. Pratt gave it to him, it would seem, mechanically. The two men stood looking at each other in silence--the one almost without a scratch, the other a battered ruin. While they were so engaged the latch of the French window was opened from without, the blind was thrust aside, and a lady entered. It was Mrs. Pratt. When she saw what met her eyes she stared, which, as a breach of good manners, was, under the circumstances, excusable.

Mr. Pratt handed it to him, seemingly without thinking. The two men stood there staring at each other in silence—one almost unscathed, the other a complete mess. As they were doing this, the latch of the French window was opened from outside, the blind was pushed aside, and a woman walked in. It was Mrs. Pratt. When she saw what was happening, she stared, which was a bit rude, but given the situation, it was understandable.

"Mr. Pownceby! Gilead! What have you been doing?"

"Mr. Pownceby! Gilead! What have you been up to?"

"I've been whipping him," said Mr. Pratt. "I must be off my ordinary, for I never whipped a man that way before."

"I've been punishing him," said Mr. Pratt. "I must be out of my usual character, because I've never treated a man like that before."

Mr. Pownceby slipped on his jacket. He helped Mr. Pratt to put on his.

Mr. Pownceby put on his jacket. He helped Mr. Pratt put on his.

"It's my fault, Mrs. Pratt. When I told your husband of our little experiment and that I found myself unable to release you from the hypnotic state which I had induced he thought I must have done you a serious injury, and that he naturally resented."

"It's my fault, Mrs. Pratt. When I told your husband about our little experiment and that I was unable to bring you out of the hypnotic state I had put you in, he thought I must have seriously harmed you, which understandably upset him."

Mrs. Pratt looked at Mr. Pownceby. There was a twinkle of intelligence in her sweet blue eyes.

Mrs. Pratt looked at Mr. Pownceby. There was a glimmer of insight in her bright blue eyes.

"I see. Miss Haseltine is looking for you. You'll find her in the drawing-room."

"I get it. Miss Haseltine is looking for you. You'll find her in the living room."

"Thank you," said Mr. Pownceby. "I--I'll go and look for her."

"Thanks," Mr. Pownceby said. "I—I’ll go look for her."

As he sneaked out of the room, with his shirt and waistcoat under his arm, devoutly hoping that no one might encounter him on his journey to his own apartment, he heard Mrs. Pratt make this remark to her husband--the first after two years absence:

As he quietly left the room, with his shirt and waistcoat tucked under his arm, desperately hoping that no one would spot him on his way back to his apartment, he overheard Mrs. Pratt say this to her husband—the first time in two years:

"So, Gilead, you've been at it again."

"So, Gilead, you've been at it again."

He heard Mr. Pratt reply:

He heard Mr. Pratt respond:

"I have. I was raised fighting, and I reckon that fighting I shall die. If I have to whip that Pownceby again it is a certainty I shall."

"I have. I was raised to fight, and I guess that's how I'll end up dying. If I have to beat that Pownceby again, it's a sure thing that I will."





AN OLD-FASHIONED CHRISTMAS.


CHAPTER I.

THE PROMISE.


"An old-fashioned Christmas.--A lively family will accept a gentleman as paying guest to join them in spending an old-fashioned Christmas in the heart of the country."

"An old-fashioned Christmas.--A cheerful family will welcome a gentleman as a paying guest to share in an old-fashioned Christmas in the countryside."

That was the advertisement. It had its points. I was not sure what, in this case, an old-fashioned Christmas might happen to mean. I imagine there were several kinds of "old-fashioned" Christmases; but it could hardly be worse than a chop in my chambers, or--horror of horrors!--at the club; or my cousin Lucy's notion of what she calls the "festive season." Festive? Yes! She and her husband, who suffers from melancholia, and all the other complaints which flesh is heir to, and I, dragging through what I call a patent-medicine dinner, and talking of everybody who is dead and gone, or else going, and of nothing else.

That was the ad. It had its points. I wasn't sure what, in this case, an old-fashioned Christmas might mean. I guess there were several types of "old-fashioned" Christmases; but it could hardly be worse than a meal in my office, or—horror of horrors!—at the club; or my cousin Lucy's idea of what she calls the "festive season." Festive? Sure! She and her husband, who's dealing with depression and all the other issues life throws at us, and I, slogging through what I call a medicine-cabinet dinner, talking about everyone who's dead and gone, or on their way out, and nothing else.

So I wrote to the advertiser. The reply was written in a sprawling feminine hand. It was a little vague. It appeared that the terms would be five guineas; but there was no mention of the length of time which that fee would cover. I might arrive, it seemed, on Christmas Eve, but there was no hint as to when I was to go, if ever. The whole thing was a trifle odd. There was nothing said about the sort of accommodation which would be provided, nothing about the kind of establishment which was maintained, or the table which was kept. No references were offered or asked for. It was merely stated that "we're a very lively family, and that if you're lively yourself you'll get on uncommonly well." The letter was signed "Madge Wilson."

So I wrote to the advertiser. The reply was in a sprawling feminine handwriting. It was a bit vague. It seemed the terms would be five guineas, but there was no mention of how long that fee would last. I might be able to arrive on Christmas Eve, but there was no indication of when I was expected to leave, if ever. The whole thing felt a little strange. There was no information about the type of accommodation that would be provided, nothing about the kind of establishment that was run, or the meals offered. No references were given or requested. It simply stated that "we're a very lively family, and if you're lively yourself, you'll fit in quite well." The letter was signed "Madge Wilson."

Now it is a remarkable thing that I have always had an extraordinary predilection for the name Madge. I do not know why. I have never known a Madge. And yet, from my boyhood upward, I have desired to meet one. Here was an opportunity offered. She was apparently the careworn mother of a "lively family." Under such circumstances she was hardly likely to be "lively" herself, but her name was Madge, and it was the accident of her Christian name which decided me to go.

Now, it’s pretty amazing that I've always had a strong liking for the name Madge. I’m not sure why. I've never known anyone named Madge. And yet, ever since I was a kid, I've wanted to meet one. Here was my chance. She seemed to be a tired mom of a "lively family." Given that situation, she probably wasn’t very "lively" herself, but her name was Madge, and it was the coincidence of her name that made me decide to go.

I had no illusions. No doubt the five guineas were badly wanted; even a "lively family" would be hardly likely to advertise for a perfect stranger to spend Christmas with them if they were not. I did not expect a princely entertainment. Still I felt that it could hardly be worse than a chop or cousin Lucy; the subjects of her conversation I never cared about when they were alive, and I certainly do not want to talk about them now they are dead. As for the "pills" and "drops" with which her husband doses himself between the courses, it makes me ill even to think of them.

I had no illusions. There’s no doubt that the five guineas were badly needed; even a "lively family" probably wouldn't invite a complete stranger to spend Christmas with them if they weren't. I didn't expect a grand celebration. Still, I felt it couldn't be worse than a chop or cousin Lucy; I never cared about her conversation topics when they were alive, and I definitely don't want to talk about them now that they're dead. As for the "pills" and "drops" her husband takes between courses, just thinking about them makes me feel sick.

On Christmas Eve the weather was abominable. All night it had been blowing and raining. In the morning it began to freeze. By the time the streets were like so many skating rinks it commenced to snow. And it kept on snowing; that turned out to be quite a record in the way of snow-storms. Hardly the sort of weather to start for an unknown destination "in the heart of the country." But, at the last moment, I did not like to back out. I said I would go, and I meant to go.

On Christmas Eve, the weather was terrible. All night it had been windy and raining. In the morning, it started to freeze. By the time the streets became like skating rinks, it began to snow. And it kept snowing; it turned out to be quite a record for snowstorms. Definitely not the ideal weather to set out for an unknown destination "in the heart of the country." But, at the last minute, I didn’t want to back out. I said I would go, and I intended to go.

I had been idiot enough to load myself with a lot of Christmas presents, without the faintest notion why. I had not given a Christmas present for years--there had been no one to give them to. Lucy cannot bear such trifling, and her husband's only notion of a present at any time was a gallon jar of somebody's Stomach Stirrer. I am no dealer in poisons.

I was foolish enough to load myself up with a bunch of Christmas gifts, without really knowing why. I hadn't given a Christmas present in years—there hadn't been anyone to give them to. Lucy can't stand such trivial things, and her husband's idea of a gift at any time was just a big jar of some kind of stomach remedy. I'm not into dealing with toxins.

I knew nothing of the people I was going to. The youngest member of the family might be twenty, or the oldest ten. No doubt the things I had bought would be laughed at, probably I should never venture to offer them. Still, if you have not tried your hand at that kind of thing for ever so long, the mere act of purchasing is a pleasure. That is a fact.

I knew nothing about the people I was going to meet. The youngest family member could be twenty, or the oldest could be ten. There's no doubt that the things I bought would be laughed at, and I probably wouldn’t even dare to offer them. Still, if you haven’t tried that kind of thing in ages, just the act of buying is a pleasure. That’s a fact.

I had never enjoyed "shopping" so much since I was a boy. I felt quite lively myself as I mingled with the Christmas crowd, looking for things which might not turn out to be absolutely preposterous. I even bought something for Madge--I mean Mrs. Wilson. Of course, I knew that I had no right to do anything of the kind, and was aware that the chances were a hundred to one against my ever presuming to hint at its existence. I was actually ass enough to buy something for her husband--two things, indeed; alternatives, as it were--a box of cigars, if he turned out to be a smoker, and a case of whiskey if he didn't. I hoped to goodness that he would not prove to be a hypochondriac, like Lucy's husband. I would not give him pills. What the "lively family" would think of a perfect stranger arriving burdened with rubbish, as if he had known them all their lives, I did not dare to think. No doubt they would set him down as a lunatic right away.

I hadn't enjoyed "shopping" this much since I was a kid. I felt really energetic as I mixed with the Christmas crowd, searching for things that might not end up being totally ridiculous. I even bought something for Madge—I mean Mrs. Wilson. Of course, I knew I had no right to do that and realized the odds were a hundred to one that I'd ever dare to mention it. I was actually silly enough to buy something for her husband—two things, in fact; alternatives, so to speak—a box of cigars if he turned out to be a smoker, and a case of whiskey if he wasn't. I really hoped he wasn't a hypochondriac, like Lucy's husband. I wouldn't give him pills. What the "lively family" would think of a complete stranger showing up with junk, as if he had known them forever, I didn't even want to imagine. No doubt they'd think he was a lunatic right away.

It was a horrible journey. The trains were late, and, of course, overcrowded; there was enough luggage in our compartment to have filled it, and still there was one more passenger than there ought to have been; an ill-conditioned old fellow who wanted my hat-box put into the van because it happened to tumble off the rack on to his head. I pointed out to him that the rack was specially constructed for light luggage, that a hat-box was light luggage, and that if the train jolted, he ought to blame the company, not me. He was impervious to reason. His wrangling and jangling so upset me, that I went past the station at which I ought to have changed. Then I had to wait three-quarters of an hour for a train to take me back again, only to find that I had missed the one I intended to catch. So I had to cool my heels for two hours and a half in a wretched cowshed amidst a bitter, whirling snowstorm. It is some satisfaction for me to be able to reflect that I made it warm for the officials, however cold I might have been myself.

It was a terrible journey. The trains were late and, of course, overcrowded; there was so much luggage in our compartment that it could barely fit, and there was an extra passenger who shouldn’t have been there—a grumpy old man who wanted my hatbox taken away because it fell off the rack and hit him on the head. I explained to him that the rack was designed for light luggage, that a hatbox is light luggage, and if the train shook, he should blame the company, not me. He wouldn’t listen to reason. His arguing upset me so much that I missed the station where I was supposed to change trains. Then, I had to wait three-quarters of an hour for a train to take me back, only to find out that I had missed the one I meant to catch. So I had to sit around for two and a half hours in a miserable cowshed during a bitter, swirling snowstorm. At least I can take some comfort in knowing that I made the officials' lives difficult, even if I was freezing myself.

When the train did start, some forty minutes after scheduled time, it jolted along in a laborious fashion at the rate of about six miles an hour, stopping at every roadside hovel. I counted seven in a distance, I am convinced, of less than twenty miles. When at last I reached Crofton, my journey's end, it turned out that the station staff consisted of a half-witted individual, who was stationmaster, porter, and clerk combined, and a hulking lad who did whatever else there was to do. No one had come to meet me, the village was "about half a mile," and Hangar Dene, the house for which my steps were bent, "about four miles by the road"--how far it was across ploughed fields my informant did not mention.

When the train finally took off, about forty minutes late, it moved slowly at just six miles an hour, stopping at every little shack along the way. I counted seven in a distance I’m sure was less than twenty miles. When I finally arrived at Crofton, my destination, I found that the station staff consisted of a clueless guy who was doing the jobs of stationmaster, porter, and clerk all at once, along with a big kid who handled whatever else needed doing. No one was there to greet me, the village was "about half a mile" away, and Hangar Dene, the house I was trying to reach, was "about four miles by the road"—my informant didn’t mention how far it was across the plowed fields.

There was a trap at the "Boy and Blunderbuss," but that required fetching. Finally the hulking lad was dispatched. It took him some time, considering the distance was only "about half a mile." When the trap did appear it looked to me uncommonly like an open spring cart. In it I was deposited, with my luggage. The snow was still descending in whirling clouds. Never shall I forget the drive, in that miserable cart, through the storm and those pitch black country lanes. We had been jogging along some time before the driver opened his mouth.

There was a ride at the "Boy and Blunderbuss," but that needed to be arranged. Eventually, the big guy was sent to fetch it. It took him a while, even though the distance was only "about half a mile." When the ride finally showed up, it looked to me like an open spring cart. I was put in it along with my luggage. The snow was still falling in swirling clouds. I’ll never forget the ride in that horrible cart through the storm and those pitch-black country lanes. We had been moving along for a while before the driver said anything.

"Be you going to stop with they Wilsons?"

"Are you going to stop with the Wilsons?"

"I am."

"I exist."

"Ah!"

"Wow!"

There was something in the tone of his "Ah!" which whetted my curiosity, near the end of my tether though I was.

There was something in the way he said "Ah!" that sparked my curiosity, even though I was reaching my limit.

"Why do you ask?"

"Why are you asking?"

"It be about time as someone were to stay with them as were a bit capable like."

"It’s about time someone who was a bit capable stayed with them."

I did not know what he meant. I did not ask. I was beyond it. I was chilled to the bone, wet, tired, hungry. I had long been wishing that an old-fashioned Christmas had been completely extinct before I had thought of adventuring in quest of one. Better cousin Lucy's notion of the "festive season."

I didn’t understand what he meant. I didn’t ask. I was beyond that. I was freezing, wet, tired, and hungry. I had long wished that the idea of a traditional Christmas had vanished before I thought of going on an adventure to find one. I preferred cousin Lucy's idea of the "holiday season."

We passed through a gate, which I had to get down to open, along some sort of avenue. Suddenly the cart pulled up.

We went through a gate that I had to get out to open, along some kind of avenue. Suddenly, the cart stopped.

"Here we be."

"Here we are."

That might be so. It was a pity he did not add where "here" was. There was a great shadow, which possibly did duty for a house, but, if so, there was not a light in any of the windows, and there was nothing visible in the shape of a door. The whereabouts of this, however, the driver presently made clear.

That might be true. It's a shame he didn't specify where "here" was. There was a large shadow that might have represented a house, but if it did, there weren't any lights on in the windows, and there was nothing that looked like a door. The driver soon clarified where it was, though.

"There be the door in front of you; you go up three steps, if you can find 'em. There's a knocker, if none of 'em haven't twisted it off. If they have, there's a bell on your right, if it isn't broken."

"There is the door in front of you; go up three steps, if you can find them. There's a knocker, if none of them have twisted it off. If they have, there's a bell on your right, if it isn't broken."

There appeared to be no knocker, though whether it had been "twisted" off was more than I could say. But there was a bell, which creaked with rust, though it was not broken. I heard it tinkle in the distance. No answer; though I allowed a more than decent interval.

There didn’t seem to be a knocker, but I couldn't tell if it had been "twisted" off. There was a bell, though, which creaked with rust, even if it wasn't broken. I heard it ring faintly in the distance. Still, there was no answer, even after I waited a respectable amount of time.

"Better ring again," suggested the driver. "Hard. Maybe they're up to some of their games, and wants rousing."

"Better call again," suggested the driver. "Loud. Maybe they're up to some of their tricks and want to be woken up."

Was there a chuckle in the fellow's voice? I rang again, and again with all the force I could. The bell reverberated through what seemed like an empty house.

Was there a laugh in the guy's voice? I rang again, and again with all my strength. The bell echoed through what felt like an empty house.

"Is there no one in the place?"

"Is anyone here?"

"They're there right enough. Where's another thing. Maybe on the roof; or in the cellar. If they know you're coming perhaps they hear and don't choose to answer. Better ring again."

"They're definitely there. Where else could they be? Maybe on the roof or in the basement. If they know you're coming, maybe they hear you and choose not to respond. You should try ringing again."

I sounded another peal. Presently feet were heard advancing along the passage--several pairs it seemed--and a light gleamed through the window over the door. A voice inquired: "Who's there?"

I rang the bell again. Soon, I heard footsteps coming down the hallway—several pairs, it seemed—and a light shone through the window above the door. A voice asked, "Who's there?"

"Mr. Christopher, from London."

"Mr. Christopher from London."

The information was greeted with what sounded uncommonly like a chorus of laughter. There was a rush of retreating feet, an expostulating voice, then darkness again, and silence.

The news was met with what seemed like a wave of laughter. People hurriedly stepped back, a voice protested, then darkness returned along with silence.

"Who lives here? Are the people mad?"

"Who lives here? Are these people crazy?"

"Well--thereabouts."

"Well, around that area."

Once more I suspected the driver of a chuckle. My temper was rising. I had not come all that way, and subjected myself to so much discomfort, to be played tricks with. I tolled the bell again. After a few seconds' interval the pit-pat of what was obviously one pair of feet came towards the door. Again a light gleamed through the pane. A key was turned, a chain unfastened, bolts withdrawn; it seemed as if some one had to drag a chair forward before one of these latter could be reached. After a vast amount of unfastening, the door was opened, and on the threshold there stood a girl, with a lighted candle in her hand. The storm rushed in; she put up her hand to shield the light from danger.

Once again, I thought I heard the driver chuckle. My patience was wearing thin. I had traveled all this way and endured so much discomfort just to be messed with. I rang the bell again. After a few seconds, I could hear what was clearly one pair of feet coming toward the door. Once more, a light shone through the window. A key turned, a chain was unfastened, and bolts were withdrawn; it sounded like someone had to pull a chair forward to reach some of those. After a whole lot of unfastening, the door finally opened, and there stood a girl on the threshold, holding a lit candle. The storm rushed in, and she raised her hand to protect the flame.

"Can I see Mrs. Wilson? I'm expected. I'm Mr. Christopher, from London."

"Can I see Mrs. Wilson? I'm expected. I'm Mr. Christopher from London."

"Oh!"

"Oh!"

That was all she said. I looked at her; she at me. The driver's voice came from the background.

That was all she said. I looked at her; she looked at me. The driver's voice came from the background.

"I drove him over from the station, Miss. There be a lot of luggage. He do say he's come to stay with you."

"I drove him over from the station, Miss. There’s a lot of luggage. He says he’s come to stay with you."

"Is that you, Tidy? I'm afraid I can offer you nothing to drink. We've lost the key of the cellar, and there's nothing out, except water, and I don't think you'd care for that."

"Is that you, Tidy? I'm sorry, but I can't offer you anything to drink. We've lost the key to the cellar, and there's nothing available except water, and I doubt you'd want that."

"I can't say rightly as how I should, Miss. Next time will do. Be it all right?"

"I can't really say how I should, Miss. Next time will work. Is that okay?"

The girl continued to regard me.

The girl kept looking at me.

"Perhaps you had better come inside."

"Maybe you should come in."

"I think I had."

"I think I did."

I went inside; it was time.

I went inside; it was time.

"Have you any luggage?" I admitted that I had. "Perhaps it had better be brought in."

"Do you have any luggage?" I acknowledged that I did. "Maybe it should be brought in."

"Perhaps it had."

"Maybe it did."

"Do you think that you could manage, Tidy?"

"Do you think you could handle it, Tidy?"

"The mare, she'll stand still enough. I should think I could, miss."

"The mare will stand still enough. I think I could, miss."



CHAPTER II.

AND THE PERFORMANCE.


By degrees my belongings were borne into the hall, hidden under an envelope of snow. The girl seemed surprised at their number. The driver was paid, the cart disappeared, the door was shut; the girl and I were alone together.

By degrees my belongings were brought into the hall, covered with a layer of snow. The girl looked surprised by how many there were. The driver was paid, the cart drove away, the door was closed; the girl and I were alone together.

"We didn't expect that you would come."

"We didn't expect you to show up."

"Not expect me? But it was all arranged; I wrote to say that I would come. Did you not receive my letter?"

"Not expecting me? But it was all planned; I wrote to let you know I would come. Didn’t you get my letter?"

"We thought that you were joking."

"We thought you were joking."

"Joking! Why should you imagine that?"

"Just kidding! Why would you think that?"

"We were joking."

"We were just kidding."

"You were? Then I am to gather that I have been made the subject of a practical joke, and that I am an intruder here?"

"You were? So I take it that I've become the target of a practical joke, and that I'm just an unwelcome guest here?"

"Well, it's quite true that we did not think you were in earnest. You see, it's this way, we're alone."

"Well, it's true that we didn't think you were serious. You see, it's like this, we're alone."

"Alone? Who are 'we'?"

"Alone? Who's 'we'?"

"Well, it will take a good while to explain, and you look tired and cold."

"Well, it’s going to take a while to explain, and you look tired and cold."

"I am both."

"I'm both."

"Perhaps you're hungry?"

"Are you hungry?"

"I am."

"I'm here."

"I don't know what you can have to eat, unless it's to-morrow's dinner."

"I’m not sure what you can eat, unless it’s tomorrow’s dinner."

"To-morrow's dinner!" I stared. "Can I see Mrs. Wilson?"

"Tomorrow's dinner!" I exclaimed. "Can I talk to Mrs. Wilson?"

"Mrs. Wilson? That's mamma. She's dead."

"Mrs. Wilson? That's Mom. She's gone."

"I beg your pardon. Can I see your father?"

"I’m sorry. Can I see your dad?"

"Oh, father's been dead for years."

"Oh, Dad has been gone for years."

"Then to whom have I the pleasure of speaking?"

"Then who do I have the pleasure of speaking with?"

"I'm Madge. I'm mother now."

"I'm Madge. I'm a mom now."

"You are--mother now?"

"You’re a mother now?"

"The trouble will be about where you are to sleep--unless it's with the boys. The rooms are all anyhow, and I'm sure I don't know where the beds are."

"The issue will be about where you’re going to sleep—unless you’re with the guys. The rooms are a mess, and I honestly have no idea where the beds are."

"I suppose there are servants in the house?"

"I guess there are staff in the house?"

She shook her head.

She nodded in refusal.

"No. The boys thought that they were nuisances so we got rid of them. The last went yesterday. She wouldn't do any work, so we thought she'd better go."

"No. The guys thought they were problems, so we let them go. The last one left yesterday. She didn't want to do any work, so we figured it was better for her to leave."

"Under those circumstances I think it probable that you were right. Then am I to understand that there are children?"

"Given those circumstances, I think it's likely that you were right. So, should I take it to mean that there are children?"

"Rather!"

"Absolutely!"

As she spoke there came a burst of laughter from the other end of the passage. I spun round. No one was in sight. She explained.

As she talked, a loud laugh echoed from the other end of the hallway. I turned around. There was nobody there. She clarified.

"They're waiting round the corner. Perhaps we'd better have them here. You people, you'd better come and let me introduce you to Mr. Christopher."

"They're waiting around the corner. Maybe we should bring them here. You all should come over so I can introduce you to Mr. Christopher."

A procession began to appear from round the corner of boys and girls. In front was a girl of about sixteen. She advanced with outstretched hand and an air of self-possession which took me at a disadvantage.

A group of boys and girls started to come around the corner. In front was a girl of about sixteen. She walked forward with her hand extended and a confident demeanor that caught me off guard.

"I'm Bessie. I'm sorry we kept you waiting at the door, but the fact is that we thought it was Eliza's brother who had come to insult us again."

"I'm Bessie. Sorry for keeping you waiting at the door, but we thought it was Eliza's brother come to insult us again."

"Pray, don't mention it. I am glad that it was not Eliza's brother."

"Seriously, don’t worry about it. I’m just happy it wasn’t Eliza's brother."

"So am I. He is a dreadful man."

"So am I. He is a terrible person."

I shook hands with the rest of them. There were six more, four boys and two girls. They formed a considerable congregation as they stood eyeing me with inquiring glances. Madge was the first to speak.

I shook hands with the others. There were six more—four guys and two girls. They formed a sizable group as they stood there, looking at me with curious eyes. Madge was the first to say something.

"I wondered all along if he would take it as a joke or not, and you see he hasn't. I thought all the time that it was a risky thing to do."

"I kept wondering if he would see it as a joke or not, and as you can see, he hasn't. I always thought it was a risky move."

"I like that! You keep your thoughts to yourself then. It was you proposed it. You said you'd been reading about something of the kind in a story, and you voted for our advertising ourselves for a lark."

"I like that! So you keep your thoughts to yourself then. It was you who proposed it. You said you'd been reading about something like that in a story, and you suggested we advertise ourselves just for fun."

The speaker was the biggest boy, a good-looking youngster, with sallow cheeks and shrewd black eyes.

The speaker was the tallest guy, a handsome young man, with pale cheeks and sharp black eyes.

"But, Rupert, I never meant it to go so far as this."

"But, Rupert, I never intended for it to go this far."

"How far did you mean it to go then? It was your idea all through. You sent in the advertisement, you wrote the letters, and now he's here. If you didn't mean it, why didn't you stop his coming?"

"How far did you expect it to go? This was your idea from the start. You submitted the ad, you wrote the letters, and now he’s here. If you didn’t mean it, why didn’t you stop him from coming?"

"Rupert!"

"Rupe!"

The girls cheeks were crimson. Bessie interposed.

The girl's cheeks were bright red. Bessie intervened.

"The thing is that as he is here it's no good worrying about whose fault it is. We shall simply have to make the best of it." Then, to me, "I suppose you really have come to stay?"

"The thing is, since he's here, it doesn't help to worry about whose fault it is. We just have to make the best of it." Then, to me, "I guess you really plan to stay?"

"I confess that I had some notion of the kind--to spend an old-fashioned Christmas."

"I admit that I had an idea of the kind—to have a traditional Christmas."

At this there was laughter, chiefly from the boys. Rupert exclaimed:

At this, there was laughter, mostly from the boys. Rupert shouted:

"A nice sort of old-fashioned Christmas you'll find it will be. You'll be sorry you came before it's through."

"A nice, old-fashioned Christmas it’ll be. You’ll regret coming before it’s over."

"I am not so sure of that."

"I’m not so sure about that."

There appeared to be something in my tone which caused a touch of silence to descend upon the group. They regarded each other doubtfully, as if in my words a reproof was implied. Bessie was again the spokeswoman.

There seemed to be something in my tone that made a hush fall over the group. They looked at each other uncertainly, as if my words suggested a reprimand. Bessie spoke up again.

"Of course, now that you have come, we mean to be nice to you, that is as nice as we can. Because the thing is that we are not in a condition to receive visitors. Do we look as if we were?"

"Of course, now that you’re here, we plan to be nice to you, as nice as we can be. The thing is, we’re not really in a position to host visitors. Do we seem like we are?"

To be frank, they did not. Even Madge was a little unkempt, while the boys were in what I believe is the average state of the average boy.

To be honest, they didn't. Even Madge looked a bit messy, while the boys were in what I think is the typical state of an average boy.

"And," murmured Madge, "where is Mr. Christopher to sleep?"

"And," whispered Madge, "where is Mr. Christopher going to sleep?"

"What is he to eat?" inquired Bessie. She glanced at my packages. "I suppose you have brought nothing with you?"

"What is he supposed to eat?" Bessie asked. She looked at my bags. "I guess you didn't bring anything with you?"

"I'm afraid I haven't. I had hoped to have found something ready for me on my arrival."

"I'm afraid I haven't. I was hoping to find something prepared for me when I got here."

Again they peeped at each other, as if ashamed. Madge repeated her former suggestion.

Again they glanced at each other, as if feeling embarrassed. Madge restated her earlier suggestion.

"There's to-morrow's dinner."

"There's tomorrow's dinner."

"Oh, hang it!" exclaimed Rupert. "It's not so bad as that. There's a ham."

"Oh, come on!" Rupert exclaimed. "It’s not that bad. There’s a ham."

"Uncooked."

"Raw."

"You can cut a steak off, or whatever you call it, and have it broiled."

"You can slice off a piece of steak, or whatever you prefer to call it, and have it grilled."

A meal was got ready, in the preparation of which every member of the family took a hand. And a room was found for me, in which was a blazing fire and traces of recent feminine occupation. I suspected that Madge had yielded her own apartment as a shelter for the stranger. By the time I had washed and changed my clothes, the impromptu dinner, or supper, or whatever it was, was ready.

A meal was prepared, with every family member pitching in. A room was found for me that had a roaring fire and signs of recent feminine activity. I suspected that Madge had given up her own space to provide shelter for me. By the time I washed up and changed my clothes, the makeshift dinner, or supper, or whatever it was, was ready.

A curious repast it proved to be; composed of oddly contrasted dishes, cooked--and sometimes uncooked--in original fashion. But hunger, that piquant sauce, gave it a relish of its own. At first no one seemed disposed to join me. By degrees, however, one after another found a knife and fork, until all the eight were seated with me round the board, eating, some of them, as if for dear life.

A strange meal it turned out to be; made up of oddly paired dishes, prepared—sometimes not prepared—in a unique way. But hunger, that tasty seasoning, made it enjoyable in its own right. At first, no one seemed ready to join me. Gradually, though, one by one, they picked up a knife and fork, until all eight were sitting with me at the table, eating, some of them, as if their lives depended on it.

"The fact is," explained Rupert, "we're a rum lot. We hardly ever sit down together. We don't have regular meals, but whenever anyone feels peckish, he goes and gets what there is, and cooks it and eats it on his own."

"The thing is," Rupert explained, "we're a weird group. We rarely sit down together. We don’t have regular meals, but whenever someone gets hungry, they just grab whatever there is, cook it, and eat it alone."

"It's not quite so bad as that," protested Madge, "though it's pretty bad."

"It's not that bad," Madge protested, "but it is pretty bad."

It did seem pretty bad, from the conventional point of view. From their conversation, which was candour itself, I gleaned details which threw light upon the peculiar position of affairs. It seemed that their father had been dead some seven years. Their mother, who had been always delicate, had allowed them to run nearly wild. Since she died, some ten months back, they appeared to have run quite wild. The house, with some six hundred acres of land, was theirs, and an income, as to whose exact amount no one seemed quite clear.

It definitely looked pretty bad from a traditional perspective. From their open conversation, I picked up details that clarified the strange situation. It turned out their dad had been dead for about seven years. Their mom, who had always been fragile, let them grow up pretty much wild. Since she passed away about ten months ago, they seemed to have gone totally wild. The house, along with around six hundred acres of land, belonged to them, and they had an income, although no one seemed to know exactly how much it was.

"It's about eight hundred a year," said Rupert.

"It's around eight hundred a year," Rupert said.

"I don't think it's quite so much," doubted Madge.

"I don't think it’s that much," doubted Madge.

"I'm sure it's more," declared Bessie. "I believe we're being robbed."

"I'm pretty sure it's more," Bessie said. "I think we're getting robbed."

I thought it extremely probable. They must have had peculiar parents. Their father had left everything absolutely to their mother, and the mother, in her turn, everything in trust to Madge, to be shared equally among them all. Madge was an odd trustee. In her hands the household had become a republic, in which every one did exactly as he or she pleased. The result was chaos. No one wanted to go to school, so no one went. The servants, finding themselves provided with eight masters and mistresses, followed their example, and did as they liked. Consequently, after sundry battles royal--lively episodes some of them had evidently been--one after the other had been got rid of, until, now, not one remained. Plainly the house must be going to rack and ruin.

I thought it was highly likely. They must have had unusual parents. Their dad left everything completely to their mom, and the mom, in turn, left everything in trust to Madge, to be shared equally among all of them. Madge was a strange trustee. Under her management, the household turned into a free-for-all, where everyone did whatever they wanted. The result was chaos. No one wanted to go to school, so nobody went. The servants, finding themselves with eight bosses, followed their lead and did as they pleased. As a result, after several major conflicts—some of which were clearly quite lively—one after another, they were all gotten rid of, until now, none remained. Clearly, the house was falling apart.

"But have you no relations?" I inquired.

"But don't you have any family?" I asked.

Rupert answered.

Rupert replied.

"We've got some cousins, or uncles, or something of the kind in Australia, where, so far as I'm concerned, I hope they'll stop."

"We have some cousins, or uncles, or something like that in Australia, and honestly, I hope they stay there."

When I was in my room, which I feared was Madge's, I told myself that it was a queer establishment on which I had lighted. Yet I could not honestly affirm that I was sorry I had come. I had lived such an uneventful and such a solitary life, and had so often longed for someone in whom to take an interest--who would not talk medicine chest!--that to be plunged, all at once, into the centre of this troop of boys and girls was an accident which, if only because of its novelty, I found amusing. And then it was so odd that I should have come across a Madge at last!

When I was in my room, which I worried might belong to Madge, I told myself that I had stumbled upon a strange place. Still, I couldn't honestly say I regretted coming here. I had lived such a dull and lonely life, and had often wished for someone to care about—someone who wouldn’t just talk about the medicine cabinet!—so being suddenly surrounded by this group of boys and girls was a twist of fate that, at least because it was new to me, I found entertaining. And then, how weird was it that I had finally met a Madge!

In the morning I was roused by noises, the cause of which, at first, I could not understand. By degrees the explanation dawned on me; the family was putting the house to rights. A somewhat noisy process it seemed. Someone was singing, someone else was shouting, and two or three others were engaged in a heated argument. In such loud tones was it conducted that the gist of the matter travelled up to me.

In the morning, I was woken up by noises that I didn’t understand at first. Gradually, I figured it out; the family was tidying up the house. It seemed like a pretty noisy process. Someone was singing, someone else was yelling, and two or three others were in a heated argument. The way they were talking made it easy to catch the main points of the discussion.

"How do you think I'm going to get this fire to burn if you beastly kids keep messing it about? It's no good banging at it with the poker till it's alight."

"How do you think I'm going to get this fire to burn if you wild kids keep messing with it? It's no use hitting it with the poker until it catches fire."

The voice was unmistakably Rupert's. There was the sound of a scuffle, cries of indignation, then a girlish voice pouring oil upon the troubled waters. Presently there was a rattle and clatter, as if someone had fallen from the top of the house to the bottom. I rushed to my bedroom door.

The voice was definitely Rupert's. I heard a struggle, shouts of anger, and then a feminine voice trying to calm things down. Soon, there was a loud crash, like someone had fallen from upstairs. I hurried to my bedroom door.

"What on earth has happened?"

"What the heck happened?"

A small boy was outside--Peter. He explained,

A small boy was outside—Peter. He explained,

"Oh, it's only the broom and dustpan gone tobogganing down the stairs. It's Bessie's fault; she shouldn't leave them on the landing."

"Oh, it's just the broom and dustpan sliding down the stairs. It's Bessie's fault; she shouldn't leave them on the landing."

Bessie, appearing from a room opposite, disclaimed responsibility.

Bessie, coming out of a room across the way, denied any responsibility.

"I told you to look out where you were going, but you never do. I'd only put them down for a second, while I went in to empty a jug of water on to Jack, who won't get out of bed, and there are all the boots for him to clean."

"I told you to pay attention to where you were going, but you never do. I only set them down for a second while I went in to pour a jug of water on Jack, who won't get out of bed, and there are all those boots for him to clean."

Injured tones came through the open portal.

Injured sounds came through the open door.

"You wait, that's all! I'll soak your bed tonight--I'll drown it. I don't want to clean your dirty boots, I'm not a shoe-black."

"You just wait! I'm going to soak your bed tonight—I’ll totally flood it. I’m not here to clean your dirty boots; I’m not a bootblack."

The breakfast was a failure. To begin with, it was inordinately late. It seemed that a bath was not obtainable. I had been promised some hot water, but as I waited and waited and none arrived, I proceeded to break the ice in my jug--it was a bitterly cold morning, nice "old-fashioned" weather--and to wash in the half-frozen contents. As I am not accustomed to perform my ablutions in partially dissolved ice, I fear that the process did not improve my temper.

The breakfast was a disaster. For starters, it was way too late. It seemed like getting a bath was impossible. I had been promised some hot water, but after waiting and waiting without any arriving, I ended up breaking the ice in my jug—it was a freezing cold morning, classic "old-fashioned" weather—and washing in the half-frozen water. Since I’m not used to washing in partially melted ice, I’m afraid the whole thing didn’t help my mood at all.

It was past eleven when I got down, feeling not exactly in a "Christmassy" frame of mind. Everything, and everyone, seemed at sixes and sevens. It was after noon when breakfast appeared. The principal dish consisted of eggs and bacon; but as the bacon was fried to cinders, and the eggs all broken, it was not so popular as it might have been, Madge was moved to melancholy.

It was past eleven when I got up, not really feeling in a "Christmas" mood. Everything and everyone seemed chaotic. It was after noon when breakfast finally came. The main dish was eggs and bacon, but the bacon was burnt to a crisp and the eggs were all broken, so it wasn't as popular as it could have been. Madge was feeling down.

"Something will have to be done! We can't go on like this! We must have someone in to help us!"

"Something needs to be done! We can't continue like this! We need to get someone in to help us!"

Bessie was sarcastic.

Bessie was being sarcastic.

"You might give Eliza another trial. She told you, if you didn't like the way she burned the bacon, to burn it yourself, and as you've followed her advice, she might be able to give you other useful hints on similar lines."

"You could give Eliza another chance. She suggested that if you didn't like how she cooked the bacon, you should try it yourself, and since you've taken her advice, she might have some other helpful tips for you."

Rupert indulged himself in the same vein.

Rupert indulged himself in the same way.

"Then there's Eliza's brother. He threatened to knock your blooming head off for saying Eliza was dishonest, just because she collared everything she laid her hands on; he might turn out a useful sort of creature to have about the place."

"Then there's Eliza's brother. He threatened to knock your head off for saying Eliza was dishonest, just because she grabbed everything she could get her hands on; he might actually be a useful guy to have around."

"It's all very well for you to laugh, but it's beyond a jest. I don't know how we're going to cook the dinner."

"It's easy for you to laugh, but this isn't a joke. I have no idea how we're going to make dinner."

"Can I be of any assistance?" I inquired. "First of all, what is there to cook?"

"Can I help you with anything?" I asked. "First off, what do we need to cook?"

It seemed that there were a good many things to cook. A turkey, a goose, beef, plum pudding, mince pies, custard, sardines--it seemed that Molly, the third girl, as she phrased it, could "live on sardines," and esteemed no dinner a decent dinner at which they did not appear--together with a list of etceteras half as long as my arm.

It seemed like there were a lot of things to cook. A turkey, a goose, beef, plum pudding, mince pies, custard, sardines—it seemed that Molly, the third girl, as she put it, could "live on sardines," and thought no dinner was a decent dinner if they weren’t served—along with a list of other things that was half as long as my arm.

"One thing is clear; you can't cook all those things to-day."

"One thing is clear: you can't cook all that today."

"We can't cook anything."

"We can't make anything."

This was Rupert. He was tilting his chair back, and had his face turned towards the ceiling.

This was Rupert. He was leaning his chair back, looking up at the ceiling.

"Why not?"

"Why not?"

"Because there's no coal."

"Because there's no coal available."

"No coal?"

"No coal?"

"There's about half a scuttle full of dust. If you can make it burn you'll be clever."

"There's about half a bucket full of dust. If you can get it to burn, you'll be smart."

What Rupert said was correct. Madge confessed, with crimson cheeks, that she had meant, over and over again, to order some coal, but had continually forgotten it, until finally Christmas Day had found them with an empty cellar. There was plenty of wood, but it was not so dry as it might have been, and anyhow, the grate was not constructed to burn wood.

What Rupert said was right. Madge admitted, blushing, that she had intended time and again to order some coal, but had kept forgetting, until Christmas Day arrived and they had an empty cellar. There was plenty of wood, but it wasn’t as dry as it could have been, and besides, the grate wasn't made to burn wood.

"You might try smoked beef," suggested Rupert. "When that wood goes at all it smokes like one o'clock. If you hung the beef up over it, it would be smoked enough for anyone by the time that it was done."

"You could try smoked beef," Rupert suggested. "When that wood burns, it smokes like crazy. If you hung the beef up over it, it would be smoked enough for anyone by the time it’s ready."

I began to rub my chin. Considering the breakfast we had had, from my point of view the situation commenced, for the first time, to look really grave, I wondered if it would not be possible to take the whole eight somewhere where something really eatable could be got. But, when I broached the subject, I learned that the thing could not be done. The nearest hostelry was the "Boy and Blunderbuss," and it was certain that nothing eatable could be had there, even if accommodation could be found for us at all. Nothing in the shape of a possible house of public entertainment was to be found closer than the market town, eight miles off; it was unlikely that even there a Christmas dinner for nine could be provided at a moment's notice. Evidently the only thing to do was to make the best of things.

I started to rub my chin. Considering the breakfast we had, it seemed to me that the situation was starting to look really serious for the first time. I wondered if it would be possible to get all eight of us to a place where we could actually get something decent to eat. But when I brought it up, I found out that it couldn't be done. The nearest place was the "Boy and Blunderbuss," and it was clear that there would be nothing edible there, even if they could find us a spot to stay. The closest possible place for a meal was a market town eight miles away, and it was unlikely they could whip up a Christmas dinner for nine on such short notice. Obviously, the only thing we could do was make the best of our situation.

When the meeting broke up Madge came and said a few words to me alone.

When the meeting ended, Madge came over and said a few words to me privately.

"I really think you had better not stay."

"I really think you shouldn't stay."

"Does that mean that you had rather I went?"

"Does that mean you would prefer it if I left?"

"No; not exactly that."

"No, not quite that."

"Then nearly that?"

"Almost that?"

"No; not a bit that. Only you must see for yourself how awfully uncomfortable you'll be here, and what a horrid house this is."

"No, not at all. You just have to see for yourself how incredibly uncomfortable you'll be here and how terrible this house is."

"My dear Madge"--everybody called her Madge, so I did--"even if I wanted to go, which I don't--and I would remind you that you contracted to give me an old-fashioned Christmas--I don't see where there is that I could go."

"My dear Madge"—everyone called her Madge, so I did—"even if I wanted to go, which I don’t—and I’d like to remind you that you promised to give me a traditional Christmas—I don’t see anywhere that I could go."

"Of course, there's that. I don't see, either. So I suppose you'll have to stay. But I hope you won't think that I meant you to come to a place like this--really, you know."

"Yeah, I get that. I don't get it either. So I guess you'll have to stay. But I hope you don’t think I wanted you to come to a place like this—seriously, you know."

"I'm sorry; I had hoped you had."

"I'm sorry; I was hoping you had."

"That's not what I mean. I mean that if I had thought that you were coming, I would have seen that things were different."

"That's not what I mean. I mean that if I had known you were coming, I would have noticed that things were different."

"How different? I assure you that things as they are have a charm of their own."

"How different? I promise you, things as they are have their own charm."

"That's what you say. You don't suppose that I'm so silly as not to know you're laughing at me? But as I was the whole cause of your coming, I hope you won't hate the others because of me."

"That’s what you think. You don’t really believe I’m so naïve that I don’t realize you’re making fun of me, right? But since I was the main reason for your visit, I hope you won’t hold it against the others because of me."

She marched off, brushing back, with an impatient gesture, some rebellious locks which had strayed upon her forehead.

She walked away, pushing back some stubborn hair that had fallen on her forehead with an impatient gesture.

That Christmas dinner was a success--positively. Of a kind--let that be clearly understood. I am not inferring that it was a success from the point of view of a "chef de cuisine." Not at all; how could it be? Quite the other way. By dint of ransacking all the rooms, and emptying all the scuttles, we collected a certain amount of coal, with which, after adding a fair proportion of wood, we managed. Not brilliantly, but after a fashion. I can only say, personally, I had not enjoyed myself so much for years. I really felt as if I were young again; I am not sure that I am not younger than I thought I was. I must look the matter up. And, after all, even if one be, say forty, one need not be absolutely an ancient. Madge herself said that I had been like a right hand to her; she did not know what she would have done without me.

That Christmas dinner was a definite success. Of a kind—let's make that clear. I'm not saying it was a success from a "head chef" point of view. Not at all; how could it be? Quite the opposite. By searching through all the rooms and emptying all the coal scuttles, we gathered a decent amount of coal, which, after adding a good amount of wood, we managed to use. Not perfectly, but we made it work. I can honestly say I hadn't enjoyed myself this much in years. I really felt young again; I'm not even sure I'm not younger than I thought I was. I should check into that. And, after all, even if someone is, say, forty, they don’t have to be completely ancient. Madge herself said I had been like a right hand to her; she didn't know what she would have done without me.

Looking back, I cannot but think that if we had attempted to prepare fewer dishes, something might have been properly cooked. It was a mistake to stuff the turkey with sage and onions; but as Bessie did not discover that she had been manipulating the wrong bird until the process of stuffing had been completed, it was felt that it might be just as well to let it rest. Unfortunately, it turned out that some thyme, parsley, mint, and other things had got mixed with the sage, which gave the creature quite a peculiar flavour; but as it came to table nearly raw, and as tough as hickory, it really did not matter.

Looking back, I can't help but think that if we had tried to prepare fewer dishes, maybe something would have turned out properly cooked. Stuffing the turkey with sage and onions was a mistake; however, since Bessie didn’t realize she was working with the wrong bird until after she finished stuffing it, it seemed better to just let it be. Unfortunately, some thyme, parsley, mint, and other ingredients got mixed in with the sage, which gave the turkey a pretty strange flavor; but since it was served nearly raw and as tough as hickory, it honestly didn’t make much of a difference.

My experience of that day teaches me that it is not easy to roast a large goose on a small oil stove. The dropping fat caused the flame to give out a strong smelling and most unpleasant smoke. Rupert, who had charge of the operation, affirmed that it would be all right in the end. But, by the time the thing was served, it was as black as my hat. Rupert said that it was merely brown; but the brown was of a sooty hue, and it reeked of paraffin. We had to have it deposited in the ashbin. I daresay that the beef would not have been bad if someone had occasionally turned it, and if the fire would have burned clear. As it was, it was charred on one side and raw on the other, and smoked all over. The way in which the odour and taste of smoke permeated everything was amazing. The plum-pudding, came to the table in the form of soup, and the mince pies were nauseous. Something had got into the crust, or mincemeat, or something, which there, at any rate, was out of place.

My experience from that day teaches me that it's not easy to cook a big goose on a small oil stove. The dripping fat made the flame produce a strong-smelling and really unpleasant smoke. Rupert, who was in charge of everything, insisted that it would be fine in the end. But by the time it was served, it was as black as my hat. Rupert claimed it was just brown, but the brown was sooty and smelled like paraffin. We had to throw it in the trash. I bet the beef would have been fine if someone had turned it occasionally and if the fire had burned clear. As it was, it was charred on one side and raw on the other, and it was smoked all over. The way the smell and taste of smoke got into everything was incredible. The plum pudding came to the table looking like soup, and the mince pies were disgusting. Something was wrong with the crust or the mincemeat, or something else, that just didn’t belong there.

Luckily we came upon a tin of corned beef in a cupboard, and with the aid of some bread and cheese, and other odds and ends, we made a sort of picnic. Incredible though it may seem, I enjoyed it. If there was anywhere a merrier party than we were, I should like to know where it was to be found. It must have been a merry one. When I produced the presents, in which a happy inspiration had urged me to invest, "the enthusiasm reached a climax"--I believe that is the proper form of words which I ought to use. As I watched the pleasure of those youngsters, I felt as if I were myself a boy again.

Fortunately, we found a can of corned beef in a cupboard, and with some bread, cheese, and other random snacks, we created a kind of picnic. As surprising as it sounds, I really enjoyed it. If there was a happier gathering than ours, I’d love to know where it was. It must have been a fun one. When I revealed the gifts that I had been inspired to buy, "the enthusiasm peaked"—I think that's the right way to put it. Watching those kids have a great time made me feel like I was a boy again.

* * * * *

Understood! Please provide the text you would like me to modernize.

That was my first introduction to "a lively family." They came up to the description they had given of themselves. I speak from knowledge, for they have been my acquaintances now some time. More than acquaintances, friends; the dearest friends I have. At their request, I took their affairs in hand, Madge informally passing her trusteeship on to me. Things are very different with them now. The house is spick and span. There is an excellent staff of servants. Hangar Dene is as comfortable a home as there is in England. I have spent many a happy Christmas under its hospitable roof since then.

That was my first introduction to "a lively family." They lived up to the description they gave of themselves. I speak from experience, as they have been my acquaintances for some time now. More than acquaintances; they are my closest friends, my dearest friends. At their request, I took charge of their affairs, with Madge informally passing her responsibilities over to me. Things are very different for them now. The house is spotless. There’s a great staff of servants. Hangar Dene is one of the coziest homes in England. I’ve spent many happy Christmases under its welcoming roof since then.

The boys are out in the world, after passing with honour through school and college. The girls are going out into the world also. Bessie is actually married. Madge is married too. She is Mrs. Christopher. That is the part of it all which I find is hardest to understand--to have told myself my whole life long that the name of my ideal woman would be Madge, and to have won that woman for my own at last! That is greater fortune than falls to the lot of most men. I thought that I was beyond that kind of thing; that I was too old. But Madge seemed to think that I was young enough. And she thinks so still.

The guys are out in the world now, having graduated with honors from school and college. The girls are stepping into the world as well. Bessie is actually married. Madge is married too; she’s Mrs. Christopher now. That’s the part I find hardest to grasp—having told myself my whole life that the name of my ideal woman would be Madge, and finally winning her over! That’s a better luck than most men get. I thought I was past that sort of thing, that I was too old for it. But Madge seemed to think I was young enough. And she still thinks so.

And now there is a little Madge, who is big enough to play havoc with the sheets of paper on which I have been scribbling, to whom, one day, this tale will have to be told.

And now there’s a little Madge, who is big enough to mess with the sheets of paper where I’ve been scribbling, to whom, one day, this story will have to be told.





BY DEPUTY.

A REMINISCENCE OF TRAVEL.


CHAPTER I.

DESPOILED.


"It would seem, Greenall, as if you couldn't even shoot."

"It looks like, Greenall, you can't even shoot."

"It would seem like it, wouldn't it."

"It seems that way, doesn't it?"

As I sauntered back to the hotel I was conscious of a slight feeling of exacerbation. As if I had been "got at," "had." No man likes to feel that he is a laughing-stock. I felt that I had been made a laughing-stock just then; that, indeed, the process of manufacture had been going on ever since I showed my face in Ahmednugger. The men I had met were nice enough--in their way. Indeed, they were almost too nice--also in their way. They appeared to have so little to do, in the way of actual work, that they had made it the business of their lives to perfect themselves in what are usually regarded, say, as accomplishments. I was, and am, a plain civilian. I have worked for, and earned, my little pile, such as it is, and until I set out upon that pleasure tour in the East, it had never occurred to me that a man could be regarded as an uneducated idiot if he could not, say, run into double figures every time he took up his cue at billiards. A suspicion that a man might be so regarded had been dawning upon me ever since I arrived in India; but until I came to Ahmednugger I had never quite realised how shockingly my education had been neglected on exactly those points on which it ought to have been most carefully attended to. The men of Ahmednugger were the most sporting individuals I had ever yet encountered. Possibly I have not moved much among the congregations of the sporting men, but I certainly have seen something of men of business. These men of Ahmednugger were not only the keenest sportsmen I had encountered, they were the keenest men of business, too. And talk of the rigour of a competitive examination! They formed themselves into an examining board, which very soon took the "stiffening" out of me. They insisted on putting me through my paces before I had been a week in the place. They examined me in every game of cards which has been invented--and found me wanting in them all. They examined me as a rider, as a driver, as a shootist, as a cueist, in fact, in a range of subjects which I will not even venture to enumerate. They refused me one solitary "pass." They "plucked" me in them all. It did not add to my sense of satisfaction, that I found my ignorance expensive.

As I walked back to the hotel, I felt a hint of irritation. It was like I had been "gotten to," "had." No one likes feeling like a joke. At that moment, I felt I had been made into a joke; in fact, this had been happening ever since I set foot in Ahmednugger. The men I met were nice enough—in their own way. Honestly, they were almost too nice—also in their own way. It seemed like they had so little to do in terms of actual work that they dedicated their lives to mastering what most people consider, say, talents. I was, and still am, just an ordinary civilian. I worked hard for my little savings, as modest as they are, and until I started my trip to the East, it had never crossed my mind that a guy could be seen as an uneducated fool just because he couldn't, say, score in double figures every time he picked up a cue at billiards. I had started to suspect I might be viewed that way since arriving in India; however, it wasn’t until I got to Ahmednugger that I fully realized how seriously my education had been neglected in exactly those areas where it should have been focused. The men of Ahmednugger were the most sports-loving people I’d ever met. Maybe I haven’t been around many sports crowds, but I’ve definitely encountered my fair share of business people. The Ahmednugger crowd were not only the most passionate sportsmen I'd come across, but also the sharpest businessmen. And talk about the intensity of a competitive exam! They formed their own examining board, which quickly took the wind out of my sails. They insisted on testing me on every card game ever created—and I fell short in all of them. They assessed me as a rider, a driver, a shooter, cue player—in fact, on a range of topics I won't even begin to list. They didn’t give me a single "pass." They failed me in everything. It certainly didn’t help that I realized my lack of knowledge was costing me.

The joke of the thing was, that before I came to India I had rather fancied myself as an amateur sportsman. I flattered myself that I had a decent seat in a saddle, whether across country or on the flat. I thought that I made a tolerable fourth at whist; that I had some notion, at any rate, of English billiards, and of a hazard off the red. I certainly was under the impression that I could see with tolerable accuracy along the barrel of a gun. But these vain delusions were scattered, at once and for ever, by the men of Ahmednugger. My all-round, purblind, insensate ignorance had been so convincingly displayed, that, as I have said, I was the laughing-stock of all the place.

The funny thing was that before I came to India, I thought of myself as a decent amateur athlete. I believed I had a good seat in the saddle, whether on rough terrain or flat ground. I thought I was an okay player at whist and had some understanding of English billiards and making a hazard off the red. I definitely thought I could aim fairly accurately down the barrel of a gun. But those delusions were shattered instantly by the men of Ahmednugger. My overall ignorance was so clearly exposed that, as I mentioned, I became the laughing stock of everyone there.

My latest performance in the exhibition line had been in a match with young Tebb, the youngest and the latest joined of the subalterns. Young Tebb had lured me on to skittles. Mr. Tebb--who would have been more correctly designated as "Master" Tebb--was an awkward hobbledehoy, who, at any other place than Ahmednugger, I should have looked down upon with the most supreme contempt. When he challenged me to see who could smash most glass balls with a rifle bullet, he or I, I rashly took his challenge up. I flattered myself that, at last, I had a "soft thing" on. I had, myself, been found a "soft thing" so many times, that I looked forward to a little change. I had no notion (it was rather late at night when the challenge was thrown down, and taken up) how difficult it really was to hit a glass ball with a rifle bullet. I had never fired at a glass ball, nor had I ever seen anyone else do so. But I conceived, that at any rate, young Tebb would find at least as much difficulty in the thing as I should.

My latest show at the exhibition was a match with young Tebb, the youngest and most recent addition to the subalterns. Young Tebb had challenged me to a game of skittles. Mr. Tebb—who should really be called "Master" Tebb—was an awkward teenager who, in any place other than Ahmednugger, I would have looked down on with complete disdain. When he challenged me to see who could break the most glass balls with a rifle bullet, I foolishly accepted. I was convinced that I finally had an easy win on my hands. Having been an easy target myself so many times, I was looking forward to a change of pace. I had no idea (it was pretty late at night when the challenge was made) how hard it actually was to hit a glass ball with a rifle bullet. I had never shot at a glass ball nor seen anyone else do it. But I figured that at least young Tebb would have as much trouble with it as I would.

We were each to fire at fifty glass balls, which were to be sent up into the air out of a trap. We were, of course, to fire at them while they were in the air. Out of my fifty I smashed one. Out of his fifty young Tebb smashed forty-nine. It was the most mirth-provoking exhibition that was ever seen. Of course, the young scoundrel had been doing nothing else but fire at glass balls his whole life long. It was when I handed over the two hundred rupees which I had staked and lost, that Mr. Tebb made his remark to the effect that "I couldn't even shoot."

We each had to shoot at fifty glass balls that were launched into the air from a trap. Naturally, we were to take our shots while they were flying. I managed to hit one out of my fifty. Young Tebb, on the other hand, hit forty-nine out of his fifty. It was the funniest show anyone had ever seen. Of course, that young rascal had spent his entire life practicing shooting at glass balls. When I handed over the two hundred rupees that I had bet and lost, Mr. Tebb remarked that "I couldn't even shoot."

When I returned to the hotel, a man was standing in the doorway. He addressed me as I came up the steps.

When I got back to the hotel, a man was standing in the doorway. He spoke to me as I walked up the steps.

"It strikes me that you and I might shake hands, sir."

"It seems to me that you and I could shake hands, sir."

I asked him what he meant.

I asked him what he meant.

"I've made myself one kind of ass, and you've made yourself another kind. We'd be a pair of beauties."

"I've made myself one type of fool, and you've made yourself another. We'd be quite the duo."

I did not like being addressed in this manner, especially by a stranger, and especially by a stranger like this stranger. He was a short, undersized man, with a vacuous expression of countenance. His attire suggested seediness. Perceiving that I did not appreciate his manner, he explained.

I didn’t like being talked to like that, especially by a stranger, and especially by this kind of stranger. He was a short, small man with a blank look on his face. His clothes looked worn out. Seeing that I didn’t like how he was acting, he explained.

"No offence intended, sir. But I just now saw you playing pantaloon to that youngster's clown, and I thought that he made the end of the poker rather hot. As for me, I'm an ass all over. My name's Johns. I came to this place to shear the sheep. There's been some shearing, but it's the sheep that's done it. They've about sheared me. I happened to have a trifle of money, so I came to these parts to see if I could do a bit of bookmaking. I've done a bit. The gentlemen in these parts have also done a bit. They've got hold of pretty well every blessed mag I had."

"No offense meant, sir. But I just saw you playing the fool for that kid, and I thought he made the end of the poker pretty hot. As for me, I'm a total fool. My name's Johns. I came here to shear sheep. There’s been some shearing, but it's the sheep that did it. They've about cleaned me out. I happened to have a little money, so I came here to see if I could do some bookmaking. I’ve done a little. The guys around here have also done a little. They’ve managed to get hold of pretty much every single magazine I had."

I did not encourage Mr. Johns; quite the contrary. I had heard of him before. The regimental races had recently been held; a bookmaker had appeared upon the scene--Mr. Johns. Nearly every man in the place had had bets with him, and to nearly every man in the place he had lost his money. With a vengeance had the Philistine been spoiled.

I did not support Mr. Johns; in fact, the opposite. I had heard of him before. The regiment’s races had just taken place; a bookmaker had shown up—Mr. Johns. Almost every guy around had placed bets with him, and he had lost money to nearly all of them. The Philistine had really been taken for a ride.



CHAPTER II.

THE GAME.


Later in the day on which I had shot off that match with Mr. Tebb I encountered Mr. Johns again. I was in the billiard-room of what was called "the club." As regards membership, it was very free-and-easy "club" indeed. A local celebrity was taking the floor. The room was tolerably full. On one of the side seats was Mr. Johns.

Later that day after I had that match with Mr. Tebb, I ran into Mr. Johns again. I was in the billiard room of what they called "the club." In terms of membership, it was a pretty casual "club." A local celebrity was in the spotlight. The room was fairly packed. Mr. Johns was sitting on one of the side seats.

The local celebrity was a Mr. Colson. Mr. Colson was stud groom to the Rajah of Ahmednugger. He was also, and at the same time, one of the most obnoxious persons I have, in the course of my career, had the pleasure of meeting. There never was such a loud-voiced braggart. It set one's nerves on edge to hear him. To listen to him, there was nothing he could not do. The misfortune was, that some of the things which he said he could do, he could do, and do well. I had found that out to my cost, soon after my arrival in Ahmednugger. And, in consequence, he had sat on me heavily ever since. He was a horrible man.

The local celebrity was a guy named Mr. Colson. Mr. Colson was the stable manager for the Rajah of Ahmednugger. He was also, at the same time, one of the most annoying people I've ever had the misfortune of meeting in my career. There was never a louder braggart. Just listening to him could make your nerves fray. He claimed there was nothing he couldn't do. Unfortunately, some of the things he said he could do, he actually could— and well. I figured that out the hard way, soon after I arrived in Ahmednugger. As a result, he had been a burden on me ever since. He was a dreadful man.

That evening Mr. Colson was holding forth in his usual style, on the subject of billiards. I should mention that, at the period of which I am writing, Mr. John Roberts, the famous player, was on a tour in India.

That evening, Mr. Colson was talking enthusiastically, as usual, about billiards. I should mention that during the time I’m writing about, Mr. John Roberts, the famous player, was touring in India.

"I saw John Roberts at Calcutta," observed Mr. Colson, "and he saw me. He also saw me play. When he saw me play, he said he doubted if he could give me fifteen in a hundred. I told him that I should like to see him do it. But he wouldn't take it on."

"I saw John Roberts in Calcutta," said Mr. Colson, "and he saw me too. He also watched me play. When he saw me play, he said he wasn't sure he could give me fifteen in a hundred. I told him I'd like to see him try. But he wouldn't take the bet."

"Is that so?" asked Mr. Johns.

"Is that so?" Mr. Johns asked.

"That is so. I should like to see him give me ten in a hundred, either John Roberts or any man now living."

"That's true. I'd like to see him give me ten out of a hundred, whether it's John Roberts or any man alive today."

"I should like to have a game with you, Mr. Colson."

"I would like to play a game with you, Mr. Colson."

"You would?" Mr. Colson looked at Mr. Johns. He looked him up and down. Mr. Colson was large and florid. Mr. Johns was small and underfed. Mr. Colson was, at least, expensively attired. About Mr. John's costume there was certainly no suspicion of expense. "I don't mind having you a hundred up, my lad. How many shall I give you?"

"You would?" Mr. Colson said, looking at Mr. Johns as he checked him out from head to toe. Mr. Colson was big and had a ruddy complexion. Mr. Johns was small and looked undernourished. Mr. Colson was, at least, dressed in expensive clothing. There was definitely no hint of luxury in Mr. Johns's outfit. "I don’t mind having you a hundred in the hole, my friend. How much should I give you?"

"I am no player, Mr. Colson, but I'd like to play you even, if only for the sake of saying that I'd had the cheek to do it."

"I’m not a player, Mr. Colson, but I’d like to go head-to-head with you, even if it’s just to say I had the guts to do it."

"You shall have that pleasure. And how much would you like to have on--if only for the sake of saying that you had the cheek to have it on?"

"You'll get that chance. And how much do you want to have on—just to be able to say that you had the guts to do it?"

And Mr. Colson winked at the company in general.

And Mr. Colson winked at everyone.

"Well, Mr. Colson, you and the other gentlemen have won all my money; but, I daresay, I might manage ten rupees."

"Well, Mr. Colson, you and the other gentlemen have taken all my money; but I think I might be able to manage ten rupees."

"Put 'em up, my lad. Here's my ten. We'll play for the twenty."

"Put your hands up, kid. Here’s my ten. Let’s play for the twenty."

They played for the twenty. And, to my satisfaction, and I believe to the satisfaction of most of the others who were in the room, it was Mr. Johns who won. I am bound to say that it seemed to me to be rather a fluky win. Mr. Colson, whose disgust was amusing, had no doubt whatever about the fluke.

They played for twenty bucks. And, to my satisfaction, and I think to the satisfaction of most of the others in the room, it was Mr. Johns who won. I have to say it seemed to me to be quite a lucky win. Mr. Colson, whose disgust was entertaining, had no doubt at all about the luck.

"Never saw anything like it, never! The balls never broke for me, not once! As for you; why, you did nothing else but fluke."

"Never saw anything like it, never! The balls never broke for me, not once! And as for you; well, you just got lucky."

"Do you think so? I'll play you again double or quits, and I'll give ten in the hundred, Mr. Colson."

"Do you really think so? I'll challenge you again, double or nothing, and I'll give you ten out of a hundred, Mr. Colson."

Mr. Colson seemed amazed. In fact, I have no doubt he was amazed.

Mr. Colson looked shocked. Honestly, I have no doubt he was shocked.

"I like your modesty! You'll give me ten! Here's my twenty. I'll take you on."

"I appreciate your humility! You'll give me ten! Here’s my twenty. I'm in."

Mr. Colson took him on. And, by way of fair exchange, Mr. Johns took him off. That is to say, he took off the stakes and the game. He did it rather neatly: just running in as Mr. Colson looked like winning. Mr. Colson was adjectival.

Mr. Colson accepted him. And, in a fair trade, Mr. Johns removed him. In other words, he pulled out the stakes and the game. He did it quite smoothly: just as Mr. Colson seemed to be winning. Mr. Colson was very descriptive.

"Never saw anything like it--never, in all my born days! Never saw anything like my somethinged, somethinged, somethinged luck! And as for your fluking--why, it just beats anything."

"Never seen anything like it—never, in all my life! Never seen anything like my crazy, unbelievable luck! And when it comes to your good fortune—well, it just tops everything."

"Think so? I'll play you again, Mr. Colson, and again double or quits; and this time I'll give you twenty in a hundred."

"Think so? I'll bet you again, Mr. Colson, and this time it's double or nothing; and I'll give you twenty out of a hundred."

"You'll give me--you'll give me--twenty in a hundred? You will? Come on! That'll be forty rupees a side--here's mine! Macbee, put me on twenty, and we'll see what I can do."

"You'll give me--you'll give me--twenty out of a hundred? Really? Let's go! That'll be forty rupees a side--here's my bet! Macbee, put me down for twenty, and we'll see what I can do."

We did see what he could do. We also saw that Mr. Johns seemed able to do a little better. Once more he won the game. I am sure that we were all enjoying ourselves very much--much more than we had had any reason to anticipate. As for Mr. Colson, he went purple. He showered on Mr. Johns a volley of that sort of language which I had found pretty fashionable at Ahmednugger. Mr. Johns listened to him in silence, while he pocketed the spoils. Then he had his say.

We saw what he could do, and it looked like Mr. Johns was even better. He won the game again. I’m sure we all had a great time—much better than we expected. As for Mr. Colson, he turned purple. He unleashed a stream of insults on Mr. Johns that I recognized as pretty popular in Ahmednugger. Mr. Johns listened quietly while he collected his winnings. Then he spoke up.

"You say I fluke? Why, my dear sir, you've no idea what a fluke is. You've no idea of any sort about billiards. You can no more play billiards than you can play the gentleman--you can't! You're the sort of person whom it is just as well, once in a way, to expose. You're a humbug, Mr. Colson, you're a humbug. As for John Roberts doubting if he could give you fifteen in a hundred--why, he could give you ninety-nine in a hundred, and beat you single-handed. I tell you what I will do, Mr. Colson. I will play you five hundred up, for five hundred rupees a side. I will give you four hundred start, and I will lay two to one against you with any gentleman who cares to back you. I don't think that's an unfair offer, Mr. Colson."

"You think I got lucky? Honestly, you have no clue what luck really is. You know nothing about billiards. You couldn't play billiards any better than you could pretend to be a gentleman—you can't! You're the kind of person who should be called out every now and then. You're a fraud, Mr. Colson, a complete fraud. As for John Roberts questioning whether he could give you fifteen points in a hundred—he could easily give you ninety-nine points in a hundred and still beat you on his own. Here’s what I’ll do, Mr. Colson. I’ll play you for five hundred, for five hundred rupees a side. I’ll give you a four hundred point head start, and I’ll bet two to one against you with anyone who wants to support you. I don’t think that’s an unfair offer, Mr. Colson."

It struck me as, at any rate, a rash offer. Mr. Colson was not such a tyro as Mr. Johns made out. He had made mincemeat of me--I do know that. Yet the offer did not seem to be made in any spirit of braggadocio. I fancy that the quiet, matter-of-fact manner in which it was made impressed Mr. Colson more than he altogether cared to own. My impression it that, if he had had his own way, he would have changed the subject. But the odds offered him were such, and the challenge was made in such a public manner, that he probably felt that, if he wished to preserve a rag of reputation, now or never was the time to show the stuff that he was made of. Anyhow, the offer was accepted, and the terms of the match were definitely arranged before the parties left the room.

It seemed to me, at the very least, a reckless offer. Mr. Colson wasn't the inexperienced person Mr. Johns portrayed him to be. He had completely outmatched me—I know that for sure. Still, the offer didn't come across as boastful. I think the calm, straightforward way it was presented affected Mr. Colson more than he wanted to admit. My feeling is that if he could have changed the topic, he would have. But the stakes were so high, and the challenge was made so publicly, that he likely felt he needed to prove himself now or risk losing what little reputation he had left. In any case, the offer was accepted, and the match details were clearly set before they left the room.



CHAPTER III.

THE COALITION.


As I was retiring to rest, some one tapped at my bed-room door. In response to my invitation to enter, Mr. Johns came in. Without any preamble, he plunged at once into the purport of his presence in my chamber at that hour of the night, or, rather, morning.

As I was getting ready to go to sleep, someone knocked on my bedroom door. When I invited him in, Mr. Johns entered. Without any small talk, he immediately got to the point of why he was in my room at that late hour, or rather, early in the morning.

"I have come, Mr. Greenall, to ask you to lend me five hundred rupees."

"I've come, Mr. Greenall, to ask you to lend me five hundred rupees."

I turned. I looked at him. He met my glance without showing any signs of discomposure.

I turned. I looked at him. He met my gaze without showing any signs of discomfort.

"You have come to--what?"

"You've come to—what?"

He repeated his remark--quite as though it were a matter of course.

He repeated his comment—just as if it were completely normal.

"To ask if you will lend me five hundred rupees."

"Can you lend me five hundred rupees?"

"I don't know if you are in earnest, Mr. Johns. If you are, I would remark, first, that I am not a money lender; and, second, that you are a complete stranger to me."

"I’m not sure if you’re serious, Mr. Johns. If you are, I want to point out, first, that I’m not a money lender; and, second, that I don’t know you at all."

"I want the money to stake in my match with Mr. Colson."

"I want the money to bet in my match with Mr. Colson."

"Indeed. Is that so? Then that is an added reason why I should decline to lend it to you. In my opinion, Mr. Johns, your chances of success in that match are, to say the least of it, remote."

"Sure. Is that true? Then that's another reason for me to refuse to lend it to you. In my view, Mr. Johns, your chances of winning that match are, to put it mildly, slim."

"Look here, Mr. Greenall, I'm the last man in the world to wish to make myself offensive, but if we can understand each other I think that you and I might do each other a good turn. I know all about how you've been treated by the fellows here. I know how they've all been taking pop shots at you. From what I hear they've made you look like the biggest all-round muff that ever left his mammy. I daresay it's cost you something, too."

"Listen up, Mr. Greenall, I'm the last person who wants to be rude, but if we can get on the same page, I think we could help each other out. I know all about how the guys here have treated you. I’ve heard how they’ve been taking cheap shots at you. From what I've gathered, they've made you look like the biggest fool imaginable. I bet that’s cost you quite a bit, too."

I did not altogether appreciate this gentleman's free-and-easy style of conversation. But to a certain extent I, so to speak, dissembled.

I didn’t fully appreciate this guy’s casual way of talking. But to some degree, I kind of played along.

"I do not know what warrant you have, Mr. Johns, for your remarks; and, in any case, I fail to see what business it is of yours."

"I don't know what reason you have, Mr. Johns, for your comments; and anyway, I don't understand why it's any of your business."

"It's this way; if you like, you can be even with all the lot of them--and more than even."

"It's like this; if you want, you can be on the same level as all of them—and even better."

"How? By lending you five hundred rupees, and letting you have, as you put it, a pop-shot at me with the rest of them. Thank you, Mr. Johns. By the way, I fancy I have heard of some person or persons taking pop-shots at you. I think I did hear that you came here to make a fortune. Did you make it, Mr. Johns?"

"How? By lending you five hundred rupees and letting you take, as you said, a shot at me along with the others. Thank you, Mr. Johns. By the way, I think I've heard of someone taking shots at you. I believe I heard that you came here to make a fortune. Did you succeed, Mr. Johns?"

"No, I didn't--hang 'em! I'm like you, I owe them one. And I mean to pay them, with compound interest. And, if you like to say the word, I'll pay them that little lot you owe them too. Look here, Mr. Greenall, I don't mind owning that a keener lot of gentlemen than the gentlemen here I don't think I ever had to do with. I won't say they robbed me, but they certainly cut me up into very nice little pieces, and they handed me round. I've seldom seen any thing of the kind which was better done. But never mind--my turn's coming! I'm not fond of bragging--quite the other way. If it wasn't that I was in a hole, I wouldn't say a word. But it is the simple truth that, at all the things at which these fellows think they're dabsters, I'm as far ahead of them as they're ahead of you,--no offence intended. You can take my word for it that I know what I'm talking about. It doesn't follow because, just once in a way, they happened to muck up my book, that I'm a flat. As for being able to give Colson four hundred out of five hundred at billiards,--if I choose, and I shall choose, he's simply bound to lose. I don't mean to say that I'm a John Roberts, because I'm not. But I do know how to play, and that in a sense which Colson hasn't even begun to understand. I've heard that Mr. Colson hasn't behaved over well to you. I thought that you'd like to see him taken down a peg or two."

"No, I didn't—hang them! I'm just like you; I owe them one. And I intend to pay them back with interest. And if you want, I'll pay the little amount you owe them too. Look, Mr. Greenall, I won't deny that I’ve never dealt with a sharper bunch of guys than the ones here. I won’t say they robbed me, but they definitely did a number on me, and they spread it around. I've rarely seen anything done so well. But whatever—my time will come! I'm not one to brag—quite the opposite, really. If I weren't in a tough spot, I wouldn't say a thing. But it's the plain truth that when it comes to the things these guys think they excel at, I'm way ahead of them, just like they're ahead of you—no offense meant. You can trust me on this; I know what I'm talking about. Just because they managed to mess up my book once doesn’t make me a fool. As for being able to beat Colson four hundred out of five hundred at billiards—if I want to, and I will, he's guaranteed to lose. I’m not claiming to be a John Roberts because I'm not. But I do know how to play, and in a way that Colson hasn't even started to grasp. I've heard that Mr. Colson hasn't treated you very well. I thought you'd appreciate seeing him put in his place."

I should. I should have liked to have seen more than one of them taken down a peg or two, though I said nothing of that to Mr. Johns.

I should. I would have liked to see more than one of them humbled, but I didn't mention that to Mr. Johns.

"How came you to match yourself, Mr. Johns, when you were aware that you were not in possession of the required stakes?"

"How did you end up getting married, Mr. Johns, when you knew you didn't have the necessary resources?"

"I took it for granted that I should get the stakes from you."

"I assumed I would get the stakes from you."

Mr. Johns was frank, at any rate.

Mr. Johns was honest, for sure.

"From me? What claim did you suppose yourself to have on me?"

"From me? What right did you think you had over me?"

"No claim; but you see, sir, they've had me, and they've had you. They've had both of us, in fact, pretty smartly. And I thought that you might like to be even with some of them, by deputy."

"No complaints; but you see, sir, they've had me, and they've had you. They've really taken both of us for a ride. And I thought you might want to get back at some of them, through a stand-in."

By deputy. If it was workable, that was not a bad idea. I felt that I should like to be even with some of them, beginning, say, with Mr. Colson--how that man had squelched me beneath his elephantine foot! the brute!--even, as it were, by deputy.

By proxy. If it could be done, it wasn't a bad idea. I thought I’d like to get back at some of them, starting with Mr. Colson—how that guy had crushed me beneath his huge foot! What a jerk!—even if it was through someone else.

"What guarantee have I that you will not lose my money, as you already have lost your own?"

"What guarantee do I have that you won't lose my money, like you've already lost your own?"

"If we get up early, we shall have the billiard room all to ourselves. If you like, I will give you some idea of what I can do upon a billiard table."

"If we wake up early, we'll have the billiard room all to ourselves. If you want, I can show you what I can do on a billiard table."

We did get up early. We did have the billiard room all to ourselves. And Mr. Johns did give me some idea of what he could do upon a billiard table. For one thing, he got "on the spot," and he stopped there. He continued to put the red down, without once missing, until the marker appeared. When the marker did appear, we thought that perhaps the proceedings had better cease. If I can trust my memory, before the proceedings ceased, Mr. Johns had put the red down something like two hundred times in succession. I thought that was good enough, even for Mr. Colson. I agreed to advance the necessary number of rupees.

We got up early. We had the billiard room all to ourselves. Mr. Johns gave me an idea of what he could do on a billiard table. For one thing, he got "on the spot" and stayed there. He kept sinking the red ball without missing a single shot until the marker showed up. When the marker arrived, we figured it might be best to stop. If I remember correctly, before we wrapped things up, Mr. Johns had sunk the red ball around two hundred times in a row. I thought that was impressive, even for Mr. Colson. I agreed to cover the necessary amount of rupees.

The match came off. It was a beautiful match. The room was crowded to overflowing. Mr. Johns had managed to back himself to a very fair amount. Even I, in my small way, had managed to back him too. But there was not so much readiness shown to support the local champion as I had expected. They were keen, were the men of Ahmednugger. I fancy that already they had begun to smell a rat. And not only so; they were always willing to "make a bet." But on that particular occasion they were almost equally willing to see Mr. Colson come to grief. I think that, in those parts, Mr. Colson was not so popular as he deserved to be. I verily believe that there were some who objected to him almost as much as I did.

The match took place. It was an exciting match. The room was packed to the brim. Mr. Johns had managed to back himself for a pretty decent amount. Even I, in my small way, had managed to back him too. However, there wasn’t as much enthusiasm to support the local champion as I had expected. The men from Ahmednugger were eager. I have a feeling they were starting to suspect something. Not only that, but they were always ready to "place a bet." But on that particular occasion, they were almost equally eager to see Mr. Colson fail. I think Mr. Colson wasn't as popular in that area as he should have been. I genuinely believe there were some who disliked him almost as much as I did.

Poor Mr. Colson! He was painfully nervous. His nervousness prevented his showing even his usual form. He had made fifteen, when Mr. Johns, getting on the spot, stayed there. He ran out without once putting down his cue. Nothing like it had ever been seen before in Ahmednugger. When the marker notified the fact that Mr. Johns had completed his fifth hundred, Mr. Colson was, for a moment, speechless. He seemed unable to realize that the thing was so.

Poor Mr. Colson! He was extremely nervous. His nerves kept him from playing even his usual game. He had scored fifteen points when Mr. Johns arrived at the spot and stayed there. He played on without ever putting down his cue. Nothing like this had ever been seen before in Ahmednugger. When the marker announced that Mr. Johns had reached his fifth hundred, Mr. Colson was momentarily speechless. He seemed unable to grasp that it was actually happening.

"It's a--something swindle!"

"It's a scam!"

"I beg your pardon, Mr. Colson--it's a what?"

"I’m sorry, Mr. Colson—it's a what?"

Mr. Colson's tone was loud and threatening. Mr. Johns' tone was quiet, and almost indifferent. Yet Mr. Colson did not seem to altogether like it. He began to bluster. "You did not tell me that you were a professional."

Mr. Colson's tone was loud and threatening. Mr. Johns' tone was quiet and almost indifferent. Yet Mr. Colson didn't seem to completely like it. He started to bluster. "You didn't tell me you were a professional."

"No; I did not tell you that I was a professional."

"No, I didn't say I was a professional."

"You didn't play the other night as you have played to-day. It looks to me uncommonly like a put-up thing."

"You didn't play the other night like you did today. It seems to me like a setup."

"It looks to you like a put-up thing, does it, Mr. Colson. Well, I'll give you a chance of showing your professional side. I believe you can drive?"

"It seems like a setup to you, huh, Mr. Colson? Well, I'll give you the chance to show your professional skills. I take it you can drive?"

"Drive!" Mr. Colson looked at the little man as if he would like to eat him. "I'm the finest whip in India."

"Drive!" Mr. Colson glared at the little man as if he wanted to devour him. "I'm the best whip in India."

"Indeed! Is that so? Well, I'll drive you either four, or eight, in hand, for a thousand rupees a side, although you are the finest whip in India."

"Really? Is that the case? Alright, I'll race you either four or eight horses, for a thousand rupees a side, even though you're the best driver in India."

Mr. Colson snapped at his offer, before it was fairly out of his mouth, and I felt that Mr. Johns was going a little too far. It was one thing to match him at billiards, another thing to match him at driving. There Mr. Colson was on his native heath. When I was alone with Mr. Johns I told him so.

Mr. Colson snapped at his offer before it was even fully out of his mouth, and I thought that Mr. Johns was going a bit too far. It was one thing to compete with him at billiards, but quite another to challenge him at driving. That was where Mr. Colson truly excelled. When I was alone with Mr. Johns, I told him that.

"I don't know if you are aware, Mr. Johns, that Mr. Colson really is a first-rate whip. I am informed that it was his magnificent driving which first attracted the Rajah's attention."

"I don't know if you know this, Mr. Johns, but Mr. Colson is actually an excellent whip. I've been told it was his amazing driving that first caught the Rajah's eye."

Mr. Johns did not exhibit much appearance of concern.

Mr. Johns didn't seem very concerned.

"I guess I'll fix him, anyhow. I haven't driven a stage over some of the worst country in the western states of America for nothing. I'll back myself to drive a coach-and-four along a wall just wide enough to hold the wheels--and I'll take you as a passenger, if you like to come."

"I guess I’ll handle him, anyway. I haven't driven a stagecoach over some of the roughest terrain in the western U.S. for nothing. I’ll bet I can drive a coach-and-four along a wall just wide enough for the wheels—and I’ll take you as a passenger if you want to come."

"Thank you, Mr. Johns, my tastes do not incline that way."

"Thanks, Mr. Johns, that's not really my style."

"Don't you worry, Mr. Greenall. I mean to take on the whole lot of 'em, one after the other, and show 'em a thing or two all round. These gentlemen here fancy they know a little, but we'll be more than even with them before we've done."

"Don't worry, Mr. Greenall. I'm planning to take them all on, one by one, and teach them a thing or two. These gentlemen think they know a lot, but we'll be on equal footing with them before we're done."

The driving match came off. I do not know how they manage similar affairs in England. I have sometimes wondered. But I am under the impression that they are not managed on the lines on which they managed that driving match in Ahmednugger.

The driving match took place. I’m not sure how they handle similar events in England. I’ve occasionally thought about it. But I have a feeling they don’t organize them the way they did that driving match in Ahmednugger.

The way in which they managed it there was this. Mr. Colson was to drive upon the Monday, Mr. Johns upon the Wednesday. Each was to drive the same team--eight-in-hand. The horses, by-the-way, came out of the Rajah's stables. The course was to be up and down the streets of Ahmednugger, and then for a certain distance outside the city. The judges occupied the front of the coach. I had a seat among the insignificant people at the back. On the whole, I was content to sit behind. The proceedings, in the streets of Ahmednugger, were distinctly exciting--almost too exciting, I felt, for me. Those streets were very narrow, and they were blocked with traffic, be it understood. Mr. Colson and Mr. Johns, each with his eight horses, and a coach load of passengers, went down those streets at full speed, as if they had been fifty yards wide, and as if there had not been a soul in sight. What damages were done, and what was the list of the killed and wounded, I have never been informed. I never quite realized what it meant to belong to a subject race, till then. It appeared to me that, in the eyes of my companions, a native had, as a matter of course, no rights at all. We drove over whole streets full of them, in style. My heart was in my mouth most of the time. We dashed round impossible corners, shaking native tenements to their foundations. But we kept ourselves alive somehow. The peaceful pedestrians were slain. I am no judge of coachmanship--of such coachmanship as that, at any rate. Those who were judges, without a dissentient voice, awarded the palm to Mr. Johns and, in consequence it was said, Mr. Colson entered himself as a candidate for delirium tremens. He was a dreadful man.

The way they handled it was like this. Mr. Colson was supposed to drive on Monday, and Mr. Johns on Wednesday. Each would drive the same team—eight horses. By the way, the horses came from the Rajah's stables. The route was to be up and down the streets of Ahmednugger and then a certain distance outside the city. The judges were in the front of the coach, while I had a seat among the unimportant people in the back. Overall, I was fine with sitting back there. The events in the streets of Ahmednugger were definitely exciting—almost too exciting for me. The streets were very narrow and completely filled with traffic. Mr. Colson and Mr. Johns, each with their eight horses and a full coach of passengers, raced down those streets as if they were fifty yards wide and as if no one was around. I never found out what damages were done or the list of those killed and injured. I didn’t really grasp what it meant to be part of a subject race until then. It seemed to me that, in the eyes of my companions, a native had no rights at all. We drove over entire streets full of them in style. My heart was in my throat most of the time. We zoomed around impossible corners, shaking native homes to their cores. But somehow we survived. The peaceful pedestrians were hurt. I’m no expert in driving like that, anyway. Those who were experts all agreed that Mr. Johns was the best, and because of that, it was said Mr. Colson decided to enter himself in a competition for delirium tremens. He was a terrible man.

It seemed as if Mr. Johns was prepared to match himself against the men of Ahmednugger at exactly those things at which each man fancied he was strongest. That is what he did do. He challenged any one to meet him at driving, or at billiards. And, when his challenge--for what seemed to me to be sufficient reasons--met with no response, he challenged any one to ride him. That challenge was taken up. But he beat all takers. He had a way with a horse which seemed little else than magical. A horse would jump six feet for him, when, apparently, it would not jump six inches for any other man in Ahmednugger. I don't know how it was, but so it was. I know nothing of Mr. Johns, beyond what I am writing. I never heard his story, nor how it was that a man of genius--he was a man of genius--came to find himself a broken-down small bookmaker in that little town "up country." Perhaps he was another exemplification of the fact that only mediocrity succeeds.

It seemed like Mr. Johns was ready to compete against the men of Ahmednugger in exactly the areas where each one thought he was the strongest. And that’s exactly what he did. He challenged anyone to compete with him in driving or billiards. When his challenge—what seemed like valid reasons to me—went unanswered, he invited anyone to race him. That challenge was accepted, but he beat everyone who took him on. He had a way with a horse that seemed almost magical. A horse would jump six feet for him when it clearly wouldn't jump six inches for anyone else in Ahmednugger. I don’t know how it worked, but it did. I know nothing about Mr. Johns other than what I’m writing. I never heard his story or how a man of genius—he truly was a man of genius—ended up as a washed-up small bookmaker in that little town "up country." Maybe he was just another example of the idea that only mediocrity succeeds.

I know that I was more than even with the men of Ahmednugger--by deputy. The band played to them, as it had played to me. He made them face the music, and there was not one of them who did not leave his scalp upon the ground. My belt was adorned with trophies--by deputy. When Mr. Johns had beaten the men of Ahmednugger--as they had beaten me--at riding, and at driving, and at billiards, he took them on at shooting. And, so to speak, he shot their heads off. He showed them that, in the presence of this man, they were as nothing, and less than nothing. He even challenged Mr. Tebb to smash glass balls. He fixed the point from which they were to fire at an abnormal distance, and, if I remember rightly, he beat Mr. Tebb by about a score. After he had annihilated that presumptuous young vagabond, Mr. Johns informed me that shooting at glass balls really was not shooting. I was quite prepared to admit it. He said that it was only a trick. When you had once mastered the trick, it was impossible to miss. Perhaps. I have never fired at glass balls since then, so I have no reason to suppose that I have mastered the trick. When I do again fire at glass balls I am inclined to think that I shall not experience the slightest difficulty in missing every one of them.

I know I was better than the men of Ahmednugger—through a proxy. The band played for them just like it played for me. He made them face the music, and not one of them left without losing their scalp. My belt was decked out with trophies—through a proxy. When Mr. Johns had beaten the men of Ahmednugger—as they had beaten me—at riding, driving, and billiards, he challenged them to shooting. And, to put it simply, he completely destroyed them. He showed them that, in front of this man, they were insignificant—less than nothing. He even challenged Mr. Tebb to break glass balls. He set the distance they had to shoot from to an unusually far point, and, if I remember right, he beat Mr. Tebb by about twenty shots. After he took down that arrogant young scoundrel, Mr. Johns told me that shooting at glass balls wasn’t real shooting. I was more than willing to agree. He said it was just a trick. Once you figured out the trick, you couldn’t miss. Maybe. I haven’t shot at glass balls since then, so I can’t say I’ve mastered the trick. When I do shoot at glass balls again, I suspect I won’t have any trouble missing every single one.



CHAPTER IV.

EVENS.


When Mr. Johns had beaten the men of Ahmednugger at almost everything at which they could be beaten, he began to amuse himself by taking a hand in various little games at cards. It was remarked that, to say the least of it, his luck was wonderful. There was scarcely a man in Ahmednugger who had not been compelled by Mr. Johns to take a lower seat; to take a lower seat, too, just where he felt that his claim was strongest to take the highest one. Naturally, here and there, a man resented it. An even stronger spirit of resentment was evinced when the men of Ahmednugger found that their money was going in search of their vanished reputations. There were some disagreeable little scenes. Then there was a royal row; it was at the club. Mr. Johns had been carrying everything in front of him. Things were said; then other things were said Then Mr. Johns laid down his cards; he faced the company.

When Mr. Johns had beaten the men of Ahmednugger at almost everything they could be beat at, he started to entertain himself by playing various card games. It was noted that, to put it mildly, his luck was incredible. There was hardly a man in Ahmednugger who hadn't been forced by Mr. Johns to take a lower seat; a lower seat, too, right where he felt his claim to the highest one was strongest. Naturally, some men resented this. An even stronger sense of resentment was shown when the men of Ahmednugger realized their money was disappearing along with their lost reputations. There were some unpleasant little confrontations. Then there was a major fight; it happened at the club. Mr. Johns had been dominating everything. Things were said; then other things were said. Then Mr. Johns put down his cards and faced the crowd.

"Gentlemen, I wish to inform you that you are, individually and collectively, a set of curs."

"Gentlemen, I want to let you know that you are, both individually and as a group, a bunch of cowards."

There were sounds which suggested neither the ways of pleasantness nor the paths of peace.

There were sounds that indicated neither the ways of enjoyment nor the paths of tranquility.

"Softly. Postpone the fighting for one minute. I would remind you that, when Mr. Greenall appeared in Ahmednugger, you all, with one accord, took shots at him. You used him as if he had been a variety of old Aunt Sally. When I made my appearance, you put your heads together, and you bested me. You see, we were strangers, and you took us in. Neither Mr. Greenall nor I quite liked this sort of thing, so we put our heads together, and, in our turn, we've bested you. We've used you as old Aunt Sallies. We've made you all sit up. We've made you all sing small. Even at games of mingled chance and skill, I've beaten you. Instead of taking your punishment like men, you begin to whimper. Therefore, gentlemen, I repeat that you are, individually and collectively, a set of curs."

"Calm down. Let’s take a break from the fighting for a minute. I want to remind you that when Mr. Greenall showed up in Ahmednugger, all of you, without exception, took shots at him. You treated him like he was just a punching bag. When I arrived, you huddled together and outsmarted me. You see, we were outsiders, and you welcomed us in. Neither Mr. Greenall nor I appreciated being treated like that, so we teamed up and outsmarted you in return. We’ve used you like old punching bags. We’ve made you all sit up and take notice. We’ve made you all stand down. Even in games that mix luck and skill, I've beaten you. Instead of accepting your defeat like grown-ups, you start to complain. So, gentlemen, I’ll say it again: you are, both individually and as a group, a bunch of cowards."

Colonel Smith interposed so soon as Mr. Johns ceased speaking. I fancy that the Colonel had only just entered the room.

Colonel Smith jumped in as soon as Mr. Johns stopped talking. I think the Colonel had only just walked into the room.

"Mr. Johns, you very much forget yourself."

"Mr. Johns, you're really losing your temper."

"On the contrary, Colonel, I am remembering myself. It is the gentlemen you have the honour to command, who forget themselves. Should there be any one present who resents the words which I have used, I shall be happy to meet that person, either with the gloves, or without them, or with any weapon he may choose--for the honour of Ahmednugger."

"On the other hand, Colonel, I am staying true to myself. It’s the gentlemen under your command who are losing their sense of self. If anyone here takes issue with what I’ve said, I’d gladly face that person, whether with gloves, unarmed, or with any weapon they prefer—for the honor of Ahmednugger."

There was silence--grim silence. Probably there was more than one there who would have liked to have ground Mr. Johns between the upper and the nether millstones. But, after all, they were gentlemen--in their way. Bean stood up, the adjutant of the ----th. He was a big fellow, head and shoulders taller than the audacious little challenger. He went round to where Mr. Johns was sitting.

There was silence—an intense silence. There were probably several people there who would have liked to crush Mr. Johns between two grinding stones. But, after all, they were gentlemen—in their own way. Bean stood up, the adjutant of the ----th. He was a big guy, head and shoulders taller than the bold little challenger. He walked over to where Mr. Johns was sitting.

"Mr. Johns, you will either apologise for the words which you have just now used, or take a thrashing."

"Mr. Johns, you will either apologize for what you just said, or you'll get beaten up."

"I will take a thrashing," said Mr. Johns.

"I will take a beating," said Mr. Johns.

He took it. What is more, he took it there and then. The meeting was immediately adjourned; and in the moonlight, the little argument came off. The proceedings were a trifle irregular; perhaps over here we should deem them so. I am not prepared to say that any dignitaries were actually present. Still there was a goodly gathering. The two men "peeled." In a very short space of time the little man had knocked the big man senseless. This is not a fairy tale. It is a simple record of a sober matter-of-fact. It almost seems as if Mr. Johns was a lineal descendant of the Admirable Crichton. Looking back, I really fancy that he must have been.

He took it. What’s more, he took it right then and there. The meeting was immediately wrapped up; and in the moonlight, the little argument took place. The proceedings were a bit irregular; maybe we would consider them that way over here. I can’t say for sure that any important figures were actually present. Still, there was a decent crowd. The two guys "peeled." In no time at all, the little guy had knocked the big guy out cold. This isn’t a fairy tale. It’s just a straightforward account of a factual event. It almost feels like Mr. Johns was a direct descendant of the Admirable Crichton. Looking back, I really think he must have been.

When Mr. Bean's satisfaction had been signified in what, I believe, is the usual manner, Mr. Johns addressed the lookers-on:

When Mr. Bean showed his satisfaction in what I think is the usual way, Mr. Johns spoke to the onlookers:

"Is there any other gentleman present who would like to thrash me--for the honour of Ahmednugger?"

"Is there any other gentleman here who wants to take me on—for the honor of Ahmednugger?"

Someone came out of the shadow--someone who, in those parts, was a very great man indeed.

Someone stepped out of the shadows—someone who was, in that area, a truly significant figure.

"Mr. Johns, you will be so good as to leave Ahmednugger within four-and-twenty-hours."

"Mr. Johns, please leave Ahmednugger within twenty-four hours."

Mr. Johns looked the great man up and down. He seemed to be in no way awed, even though he stood there in the moonlight without his shirt.

Mr. Johns examined the great man from head to toe. He didn't seem impressed at all, even though he was standing there in the moonlight without a shirt.

"I am at a loss, sir, to understand by what authority you address yourself to me in such a manner. I am in no way answerable for my movements to you. I have not broken the law. I have not even broken the peace. As it happens, I do intend to leave Ahmednugger, and in less than four-and-twenty hours. Not in deference to your orders, but simply because I have had enough of Ahmednugger, having taught your compatriots hereabouts what, it strikes me, was a much-needed lesson--the next time they encounter strangers, except in the scriptural sense--not to take them in."

"I truly don’t understand, sir, on what authority you’re addressing me like this. I owe you no explanation for my actions. I haven’t broken any laws. In fact, I haven’t even disturbed the peace. As it happens, I do plan to leave Ahmednugger in less than twenty-four hours. Not because of your orders, but simply because I’ve had enough of this place after showing your fellow countrymen here what I believe was an important lesson—next time they meet strangers, unless it’s in a scriptural context, they shouldn’t take them in."

The next day Mr. Johns did leave Ahmednugger. And I went too. He went his way, I went mine. I have neither seen nor heard of him since. But, as I continued on my journeyings, I felt that after all I had been even, and more than even, with the men of Ahmednugger--by deputy.

The next day Mr. Johns left Ahmednugger. I left too. He went his way, and I went mine. I haven't seen or heard from him since. But as I continued my travels, I felt that I had been fair, and even more than fair, with the people of Ahmednugger—through others.





MR. WHITING AND MARY ANN.


I did not mean to kiss her; it was a pure accident. Her face was close to mine, or my face was close to hers, and then her lips came into contact with my lips, or my lips came into contact with her lips--I don't know which it was--and then at that moment her mother came into the room, and she said, "Mr. Whiting, may I ask what is the meaning of this?" I said it meant nothing--nothing! Absolutely nothing! Only I found it difficult to explain, and when I did explain she would not understand. Her manner was not at all the sort of thing I care for. The result is that I am engaged to Mary Ann Snelling without being conscious of having entertained any intention of the kind.

I didn’t mean to kiss her; it was totally an accident. Her face was really close to mine, or my face was really close to hers, and then our lips touched—I'm not sure which happened first—then in that moment, her mom walked into the room and said, “Mr. Whiting, can I ask what this is about?” I said it meant nothing—nothing! Absolutely nothing! But I found it hard to explain, and when I did, she just didn’t get it. Her attitude really wasn’t my type. As a result, I’m engaged to Mary Ann Snelling without even realizing I had any intention of that.

Not that I have a word to say against Mary Ann, except that I never knew a girl with quite so many relations. To begin with she had six brothers and five sisters, and she is the eldest of the batch, and there's not one of the brothers whom I feel drawn to. Her father is a most remarkable person, to say the least.

Not that I have anything against Mary Ann, but I’ve never known a girl with so many relatives. For starters, she has six brothers and five sisters, and she's the oldest of them all, and I don't feel connected to any of her brothers. Her father is quite a character, to say the least.

After they had arranged between them that I was engaged to Mary Ann (I was really not allowed to have a voice in the matter) her father remarked, with a pointed air, which I cannot but think, under the circumstances, was unusual, that he thought it was about time that I did come to the scratch, and that if I had kept on dilly-dallying much longer he would have had a word to say to me of a kind. I do not know what he meant, and would rather not attempt to imagine. But it is quite plain to me that all the arrangements for my wedding are going to be made by the Snellings.

After they decided that I was engaged to Mary Ann (I really wasn’t given a say in the matter), her father pointedly remarked, which I can’t help but think was unusual given the circumstances, that he thought it was about time I stepped up and that if I kept delaying much longer he would have something to say to me. I’m not sure what he meant, and I’d prefer not to guess. But it’s clear to me that all the arrangements for my wedding are going to be made by the Snellings.

I do not know when it is going to be, but it will be either next week or the week after, certainly at the earliest possible moment, and I shouldn't be at all surprised to learn that all Mary Ann's "things" had been already bought, and perhaps some of them marked.

I don't know when it's going to happen, but it'll be either next week or the week after, definitely as soon as possible, and I wouldn't be at all surprised to find out that all of Mary Ann's "things" have already been bought, and maybe some of them are marked.

We are to live in a house which belongs to a cousin of Mr. Snelling; it is to be furnished by a brother of Mrs. Snelling, the house linen is to be supplied by the father of the young man to whom Jane Matilda is engaged, and the ironmongery by the uncle to whom George Frederic is apprenticed. All, apparently, that is left for me to do, is to pay for everything. It is most delightful. It might just as well be some one else's wedding, so unimportant is the part which I am set to play in it.

We are going to live in a house that belongs to a cousin of Mr. Snelling; it will be furnished by Mrs. Snelling's brother, the house linens will be provided by the father of the young man Jane Matilda is engaged to, and the hardware will be supplied by the uncle George Frederic is apprenticed to. All that seems to be left for me to do is pay for everything. It’s absolutely wonderful. It might as well be someone else’s wedding since my role in it feels so minor.

And it is all the result of an accident. I deny that for the last six months I have been using Mr. Snelling's home as if it were a boarding-house. Nothing of the kind. The mere suggestion is absurd. It is true that I have dropped in to dinner now and then, or to spend the evening, or for an afternoon call, or for an hour or two in the morning; but that has been simply and solely because the Snelling family have evinced so marked a desire for my society. The alteration which has taken place in their demeanour since my accident with Mary Ann is, therefore, all the more amazing. For instance, look at their behaviour in the matter of the ring.

And it’s all because of an accident. I refuse to admit that for the last six months I’ve been treating Mr. Snelling’s home like a boarding house. That’s just ridiculous. Sure, I’ve dropped by for dinner occasionally, or to spend the evening, or for a quick afternoon visit, or just an hour or two in the morning; but that’s only because the Snelling family has shown such a strong interest in hanging out with me. The change in their attitude since my accident with Mary Ann is, therefore, even more surprising. For example, just look at how they’ve acted regarding the ring.

The accident in question occurred upon the Sunday evening. I had been with Mary Ann to church, and had seen her home, and had had a little supper, and it was after supper that it happened. I did not go and purchase the engagement ring the first thing on the Monday morning, I own it. Certainly not. Nor did I take any steps in that direction during the whole of that week. I was not pressed for time.

The accident in question happened on Sunday evening. I had gone to church with Mary Ann, seen her home, and had a small supper, and it was after supper that it took place. I admit I didn’t go buy the engagement ring first thing on Monday morning. Definitely not. I also didn’t make any moves in that direction during the entire week. I wasn't in a hurry.

Besides, I was turning things over in my mind. But that was no reason why, the Monday week following, four of her brothers should have called on me on their way to the office, when I was scarcely out of bed, and actually breakfasting, and assailed me in the way in which they did.

Besides, I was thinking things through. But that didn’t give her four brothers a reason to stop by and see me on their way to the office the following Monday morning, when I had barely gotten out of bed and was actually having breakfast, and confront me like they did.

There was William Henry, John Frank, Ferdinand Augustus, and Stephen Arthur. Each of them twice my size and all of them frightfully ignorant and wholly regardless of the sensitive little points of those with whom they came in contact. There is no circumlocution about them. They go straight at what they want; and were scarcely inside my door before they blurted out the purport of their coming. It was Frederick Augustus; if the thing is possible he is, if anything, more direct even than the rest of his family.

There was William Henry, John Frank, Ferdinand Augustus, and Stephen Arthur. Each of them was twice my size, and they were all incredibly ignorant and completely indifferent to the sensitive feelings of those around them. There’s no beating around the bush with them. They go straight for what they want; they were barely inside my door before they bluntly stated the reason for their visit. It was Frederick Augustus; if it’s possible, he’s even more straightforward than the rest of his family.

"Look here, Whiting, how about Mary Ann's ring? The girl is fretting, but you don't seem to notice it. And as you don't appear to know what is the proper thing to do in a case of this kind, and don't understand that the ring ought to be bought straight away, we've bought it for you."

"Hey, Whiting, what’s up with Mary Ann's ring? The girl is anxious, but you don’t seem to care. Since you don’t seem to know what to do in this situation and don’t realize that the ring should be bought right away, we’ve purchased it for you."

I gasped--positively gasped.

I gasped—totally gasped.

"Am I to understand that you've purchased my engagement ring?"

"Are you telling me that you bought my engagement ring?"

"That's it; on your account. From a cousin of ours who's in that line."

"That’s it; on your behalf. From a cousin of ours who works in that field."

I never saw people like the Snellings for possessing relatives in all sorts of "lines." No matter what you want, or do not want, and never will want, they are sure to have some relative who has dealt in it, his or her whole life long.

I’ve never met anyone like the Snellings, who have relatives in every kind of field. No matter what you’re looking for, or even if you’re not, they definitely have a relative who has been involved in it their entire life.

They produced the ring, and told me what I had to pay for it. A handsome price it was. I was persuaded that somebody besides that cousin got a profit out of Mary Ann's engagement ring. But I handed over the amount. I did not want any unpleasantness; and I am quite sure there would have been unpleasantness had I demurred.

They showed me the ring and told me how much I had to pay for it. It was a hefty price. I was convinced that someone other than that cousin was making a profit off Mary Ann's engagement ring. But I paid the amount. I didn't want any trouble; and I’m pretty sure there would have been trouble if I had objected.

Later in the day I took it with me when I went to call on Mary Ann. She appeared to be surprised almost into speechlessness when I presented it to her. Her head dropped on my shoulder, and she kissed me under the chin, observing, "You dear old Sam." The moments when I am alone with Mary Ann are alleviations for those more frequent moments when I am not alone with Mary Ann. Still I noticed that the ring fitted her perfectly, and I could not but wonder if she had tried it on before.

Later in the day, I took it with me when I went to visit Mary Ann. She seemed so surprised that she could barely speak when I handed it to her. Her head rested on my shoulder, and she kissed me under the chin, saying, "You dear old Sam." The times I spend alone with Mary Ann make the moments I’m not with her more bearable. Still, I noticed that the ring fit her perfectly, and I couldn’t help but wonder if she had tried it on before.

At the same time I am beginning to be comforted by a suspicion that Mary Ann is on my side; on my side, that is, as against the rest of her family. There has been a difference of opinion as to where we are to spend our honeymoon. It is from her action in that matter that my suspicion springs.

At the same time, I'm starting to feel reassured by the idea that Mary Ann is on my side; on my side, that is, against the rest of her family. There's been a disagreement about where we should spend our honeymoon. My suspicion comes from her behavior regarding that issue.

The Snellings have an aunt who lives in an out-of-the-way hole at the other end of nowhere. The woman's name is Brady. There she owns a cottage, or it may be a pigstye for all I know. When she heard of my engagement with Mary Ann, she wrote and suggested that we should spend our honeymoon in her cottage, or pigstye, and that I should pay her rent for it. The matter was talked about at dinner. Mary Ann was silent for some time; then she quietly remarked:

The Snellings have an aunt who lives in a remote spot at the far end of nowhere. Her name is Brady. She has a cottage there, or it could just be a pigsty for all I know. When she found out about my engagement to Mary Ann, she wrote and suggested we should spend our honeymoon in her cottage, or pigsty, and that I should pay her rent for it. We discussed the matter over dinner. Mary Ann stayed quiet for a while; then she softly said:

"Don't trouble yourselves to discuss Aunt Brady's proposal. I shall do nothing of the kind."

"Don't worry about talking about Aunt Brady's proposal. I won't do anything like that."

This observation was followed by perfect silence. The members of the family looked at one another. But, after a very considerable pause, her mother said, with quite unusual mildness, "Very well, my dear. Then, it's settled."

This observation was followed by complete silence. The family members looked at each other. But after a significant pause, her mother said, with unexpected gentleness, "Alright, my dear. Then it's decided."

After dinner I took advantage of an opportunity which offered to thank Mary Ann for her action in the matter, because, of course, I had no wish to spend my honeymoon in a place of which I knew nothing, to oblige an aunt of whom I knew still less. Mary Ann beamed at me, and she said, "You dear old man!" Presently she continued:

After dinner, I took the chance to thank Mary Ann for what she did, because I definitely didn’t want to spend my honeymoon in a place I knew nothing about, just to please an aunt I knew even less about. Mary Ann smiled at me and said, "You dear old man!" Soon she went on:

"Do you know that in marrying me you are doing the best thing for yourself that you ever did in all your life?"

"Do you realize that marrying me is the best decision you’ll ever make in your life?"

I endeavoured to explain to her that I felt sure of it; but I fear that my explanation was a little stumbling. But she went on with the most perfect fluency. There were no signs of faltering about her flow of language.

I tried to explain to her that I was confident about it, but I worry that my explanation was a bit awkward. However, she continued to speak with perfect fluency. There were no signs of hesitation in her flow of words.

"You want someone who can look after you; and you could not, by any chance, have chosen a person who will look after you better than I shall."

"You want someone to take care of you, and you couldn't have picked anyone who will take care of you better than I will."

Such an assurance was most satisfactory. We had a long confidential chat on matters of business. I found that as a woman of business she was beyond all my expectations.

Such a guarantee was very reassuring. We had a lengthy, private conversation about business matters. I discovered that as a businesswoman, she exceeded all my expectations.

I told her exactly what my income was; and the source from which it came, and all about it. She drew up a plan on which we were to lay it out. It was an admirable plan. I had never had one, but I saw clearly that in that way the money would go twice as far.

I told her exactly what my income was, where it came from, and everything about it. She created a plan for how we should use it. It was a great plan. I had never had one before, but I could see clearly that this way the money would stretch much further.

It turned out that she had a little money of her own; about a hundred and thirty pounds a year. And, of course, I had my expectations, and she had hers. It was plain that together we should manage most comfortably. Delightfully, in fact. On the subject of wedding presents, too, her ideas were the most lucid I ever yet encountered. It was wonderful to listen to her--really wonderful.

It turned out she had a bit of her own money; around a hundred and thirty pounds a year. And, of course, I had my dreams, and she had hers. It was clear that together we would do quite well. Actually, we would do beautifully. When it came to wedding gifts, her thoughts were the clearest I've ever come across. It was amazing to listen to her—truly amazing.

"I shall make papa give me five hundred pounds, at least. 'A bird in the hand is worth two in a bush'--and it will be something to have by us."

"I'll make Dad give me at least five hundred pounds. 'A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush'—and it’ll be nice to have it with us."

I quite agreed with her remarks about the bird in the hand; and it certainly will be something to have by us.

I totally agreed with her comments about having one bird in hand; and it will definitely be something to keep with us.

"I know what mamma can afford to give, and I will see she gives it. And I will see that there is no shirking about the boys--or about the girls either. I will take care that my relations do their duty. I have drawn up a list of all the people who ought to give us a present, and I shall tell them what they ought to give--it won't be my fault if I don't get it. Of course there are some people with whom you can't be perfectly plain, but I shall be as plain as I can; there's a way and a manner of doing that kind of thing. I have no intention of being presented with an endless collection of duplicates, or a lot of useless rubbish which I don't know what to do with. If you take my advice you will follow in my footsteps."

"I know what Mom can afford to give, and I'll make sure she does. And I’ll make sure the boys— and the girls too—don’t slack off. I'll ensure my family members do their part. I've put together a list of everyone who should give us a gift, and I'll tell them what they should give—it won't be my fault if I don’t get it. Of course, there are some people you can't be completely straightforward with, but I'll be as direct as I can; there's a right way to handle that sort of thing. I have no plans to receive a bunch of duplicates or a lot of useless junk I won't know what to do with. If you take my advice, you'll follow my lead."

I endeavoured to. At least I drew up a list of people who ought to meet the occasion, and I tried in more than one instance to drop a hint of what, as I felt, they ought to meet it with.

I tried. At least I made a list of people who should be part of it, and I attempted more than once to drop a hint about what I thought they should bring to the situation.

But I am bound to admit that so far my success has been as nothing compared with hers. Hers has been prodigious. It is certain that we have a large collection of really valuable property about the house--the wedding presents to Mary Ann. She has a knack of getting people to do what she wishes and to give her what she wants, which is a little short of miraculous.

But I have to admit that my success so far has been nothing compared to hers. Hers has been amazing. It's clear that we have a big collection of truly valuable items around the house—the wedding gifts for Mary Ann. She has a real talent for getting people to do what she wants and to give her what she desires, which is nothing short of miraculous.

A singular feature about the situation is that people are actually beginning to pity me--to sympathise with me for being about to marry Mary Ann. I notice that they are generally persons who have already tendered their offerings. The fact of having given Mary Ann a wedding present seems to fill them with a feeling of rancorous acidity which, to me, is inexplicable. My belief is that they have been induced to spend at least twice as much as they intended, and that they resent it. Such is the selfishness of human nature. But why, on that account, they should pity me, I altogether fail to understand.

A unique aspect of the situation is that people are actually starting to feel sorry for me—sympathizing with me for about to marry Mary Ann. I've noticed that they are usually the ones who have already given their gifts. The fact that they gave Mary Ann a wedding present seems to fill them with a bitter resentment that I can't quite understand. I believe they've been convinced to spend at least twice as much as they planned, and they resent it. Such is the selfishness of human nature. But why they should feel sorry for me because of that is completely beyond me.

"We have all been giving Mary Ann presents, and I suppose you, Mr. Whiting, have been giving her something too." That was what Mrs. Macpherson said to me only the other day. I have given Mary Ann two or three trifles, and I said so. "And what," inquired Mrs. Macpherson, "has Mary Ann given you?"

"We’ve all been giving Mary Ann gifts, and I guess you, Mr. Whiting, have been giving her something too." That’s what Mrs. Macpherson told me just the other day. I’ve given Mary Ann a couple of small things, and I mentioned that. "And what," Mrs. Macpherson asked, "has Mary Ann given you?"

"Her love."

"Her affection."

Someone sniggered. I cannot pretend to explain why, except on the supposition that romance is dead; at least in that circle of society in which the Snellings move. But that is not the only society the world contains.

Someone snickered. I can't say for sure why, except to assume that romance is dead; at least in the social circles where the Snellings hang out. But that's not the only kind of society in the world.

As a matter of fact, Mary Ann has given me a pair of slippers, worked by her own hands. It is true that they are a trifle large for me, and that I shall never be able to keep them on my feet except when I am sitting still. But Mary Ann does not seem to think that that matters, so why should I? Her youngest sister, Clara Louisa, has quite gratuitously informed me that she has had them by her for some considerable time, and that, not to put too fine a point on it, they were originally designed for another individual altogether--a Mr. Pilbeam. But even supposing that what Clara Louisa says is true--of which I have no evidence--I have, surely, cause to congratulate myself on standing literally in Mr. Pilbeam's shoes, even if they are a little spacious.

Actually, Mary Ann gave me a pair of slippers that she made herself. They are a bit big for me, and I'll only be able to wear them when I'm sitting still. But Mary Ann doesn’t seem to worry about that, so why should I? Her youngest sister, Clara Louisa, casually mentioned that she's had them for a while and, to be frank, they were originally meant for someone else entirely—a Mr. Pilbeam. But even if what Clara Louisa says is true—which I have no proof of—I should still be pleased to be literally in Mr. Pilbeam's shoes, even if they are a little roomy.

On the whole I do not know that I regret that accident I had with Mary Ann. It is true that there are times when I am a little disposed to wish that she were not quite so good a manager; now and then every man likes to call his soul his own. On the other hand, she is well qualified to protect me from the rest of the family. She will keep them at bay. Because it is beginning to dawn on me that, singlehanded, she is more than a match for them all. Which is just as well. If she had been like me they would have rent us limb from limb. As it is, unless I am mistaken, some of the rending will be on our side. And they know it!

Overall, I don't really regret the incident I had with Mary Ann. It's true that there are times when I wish she wasn't quite such a good manager; sometimes every man likes to feel in control of his own life. On the flip side, she's really good at protecting me from the rest of the family. She knows how to keep them away. It's starting to hit me that, on her own, she's more than a match for all of them. Which is a relief. If she had been like me, they would have torn us apart. As it stands, unless I’m mistaken, some of the tearing will be on our side. And they know it!

P.S.--The cards are out for the wedding. It is to take place on Tuesday fortnight. We are going for our honeymoon to Italy and the South of France. A second cousin of Mary Ann's is in the Cook's Tours line. He has given us free passes all the way to the end of our journey, and all the way back again; and coupons for free board and lodging at the hotel. It's a wedding present. So that, as Mary Ann says, our honeymoon need cost us practically nothing. Besides which we can always sell the coupons and railway passes which we don't use.

P.S.--The wedding invitations are out. It's happening in two weeks on Tuesday. We're heading to Italy and the South of France for our honeymoon. A second cousin of Mary Ann's works with Cook's Tours. He has given us free passes for our entire trip there and back, along with coupons for free meals and a place to stay at the hotel. It's a wedding gift. So, as Mary Ann says, our honeymoon will hardly cost us anything. Plus, we can always sell the coupons and train passes we don't use.

Nothing could be more delightful.

Nothing could be more amazing.





A SUBSTITUTE.

THE STORY OF MY LAST CRICKET-MATCH.


CHAPTER I.

I AM APPOINTED CAPTAIN.


I have some idea of cricket--not much, perhaps, but I certainly have some. I was not in the 'Varsity team, nor near it; but I played in the Freshman's match, and provided myself with spectacles. I was nearly in the school team once. That was when I carried my bat for forty-five. I must own that my performance was a surprise to everyone--and to myself among the rest. But as I never repeated it--or anything like it--they left me, very wisely, out of the eleven.

I have a bit of knowledge about cricket—not a lot, maybe, but definitely some. I wasn't part of the varsity team, or even close to it, but I did play in the Freshman match and got myself some glasses. I almost made it onto the school team once when I scored forty-five runs. I have to admit that my performance surprised everyone—including me. But since I never managed to do that again—or anything close—they wisely left me out of the eleven.

Thus it will be seen that, from a cricketing point of view, I did not, even in my best days, come up to first-rate form; and my best days were, reckoning from last summer, quite fifteen years ago. During those fifteen years I do not remember once handling a bat, far less hitting at a cricket-ball with one; and yet, in this state of unpreparedness, I had the presumption last summer to captain a team, and to lead them on--well, not to victory but to disgrace. It's a fact. The match was Storwell v. Latchmere. Storwell was my team; and as I do not think a more remarkable match was ever known in the whole annals of cricketing history, I here venture to report it.

So, it’s clear that from a cricket perspective, I didn't even at my best reach top form; and my best days were, counting from last summer, a whole fifteen years ago. During those fifteen years, I don’t remember ever picking up a bat, let alone trying to hit a cricket ball with one; yet, in this state of unpreparedness, I had the audacity last summer to captain a team and lead them—not to victory but to disgrace. It’s true. The match was Storwell v. Latchmere. Storwell was my team; and since I don’t think there’s ever been a more remarkable match in the entire history of cricket, I’m taking this opportunity to report it.

When they first asked me to play I thought they were mad. Storwell-on-Sea is a village on the south coast--I beg pardon; I believe it is called by the inhabitants a town. It is a pretty place, and not unknown--in the locality. It has a season and all that kind of thing, and it was during the season I was there. And one day a deputation of the inhabitants called on me at my lodgings to ask if I would lead the local cricket club to, say, victory. As I have said, my first impression was that they were mad; either that, or else that they were "playing it off" on the unprotected stranger.

When they first asked me to play, I thought they were crazy. Storwell-on-Sea is a village on the south coast—sorry, I believe the locals call it a town. It’s a nice place and not completely unknown in the area. It has a season and all that, and I happened to be there during that time. One day, a group of locals came to my place to ask if I would lead the local cricket club to, say, victory. As I mentioned, my first impression was that they were crazy; either that or they were just messing with the unsuspecting outsider.

I hinted so much to the deputation. The deputation smiled. The chief spokesman was the local barber; his name was Sapsworth. He explained that Mr. Wingrave had sent them there. Wingrave was the vicar; we were "up" together, and he must have known quite well whereabouts my cricketing form came in. I decided to crush the deputation before the thing went farther.

I dropped a lot of hints to the group. They smiled. The main speaker was the local barber, a guy named Sapsworth. He said that Mr. Wingrave had sent them. Wingrave was the vicar; we were in the same circle, and he surely knew exactly how good I was at cricket. I decided to put the group in their place before things escalated.

"To show you the sort of man you propose should captain you, I need only mention that it is more than fifteen years since I had a bat in my hand."

"To show you what kind of man you want to be your captain, I only need to point out that it's been over fifteen years since I held a bat."

But the admission did not crush them: quite the other way. It opened the floodgates of their eloquence.

But the admission didn’t break them: quite the opposite. It unleashed their eloquence.

"That's nothing," Mr. Sapsworth cried. "There's Hedges here; we've had to put him in; he don't even know the rules of the game, and he's just turned sixty-one."

"That's nothing," Mr. Sapsworth exclaimed. "Hedges is here; we had to include him; he doesn't even know the rules of the game, and he's just turned sixty-one."

I glanced at Mr. Hedges, thus frankly referred to. He was a smiling, red-faced, bald-headed old gentleman, who, if not considerable in height, was great in girth. He would certainly have turned the scale at sixteen stone. I felt that, to cricketers who intended to play Mr. Hedges, any objections which I might urge would appear quite trivial.

I looked at Mr. Hedges, as mentioned. He was a cheerful, red-faced, bald old man who, while not very tall, was definitely wide. He would easily weigh around 224 pounds. I knew that for cricketers planning to face Mr. Hedges, any concerns I might have would seem pretty insignificant.

"When is the match to be?" I asked.

"When is the game going to be?" I asked.

"To-morrow," was the startling reply.

"Tomorrow," was the startling reply.

I was speechless. That I, after fifteen years' total abstention, should be asked to captain a team the members of which were entire strangers to me, and of whose individual styles of play I had not the faintest notion, in a match against an unknown foe, at four-and-twenty hours' notice, was a little hard to credit. It was altogether too preposterous. I told them so. But they could not be brought to see it.

I was at a loss for words. The fact that, after fifteen years of not playing, I was being asked to captain a team made up of complete strangers, whose individual playing styles I didn’t know at all, in a match against an unknown opponent, with just twenty-four hours' notice, was hard to believe. It was just too ridiculous. I told them that. But they just couldn’t see it.

The end of it was that I agreed to play. No man knows to what a depth of folly he can sink until he tries.

The result was that I decided to play. No one really knows how foolish they can become until they give it a shot.



CHAPTER II.

MR. BENYON BOWLS.


The match was to be played on Mr. Stubbs's field. Mr. Stubbs was a local butcher. Mr. Sapsworth had kindly promised to come and escort me to the scene of action. He arrived at half-past nine, just as I was opening my morning's letters. On the way he gave me a chart of the country. It appeared that in batting we were not strong, in fielding we were weak, and that our bowling was more than shaky.

The game was set to take place on Mr. Stubbs's field. Mr. Stubbs was the local butcher. Mr. Sapsworth had kindly offered to come and take me to the action. He showed up at 9:30, right as I was opening my morning letters. On the way there, he gave me a map of the area. It turned out that we weren't strong in batting, we were weak in fielding, and our bowling was pretty unreliable.

"But we shall pull through," Mr. Sapsworth added; "especially now," and he glanced at me.

"But we'll get through this," Mr. Sapsworth added; "especially now," and he looked at me.

"I hope you are under no delusion as to my powers, Mr. Sapsworth. I never was a first-rate cricketer, and, as I have already told you, it is more than fifteen years since I handled a bat."

"I hope you’re not mistaken about my abilities, Mr. Sapsworth. I was never a top-notch cricketer, and as I’ve already mentioned, it’s been more than fifteen years since I used a bat."

"If you'll excuse my saying so, sir, I've generally noticed that them who doesn't say much does a deal."

"If you'll excuse me for saying this, sir, I've usually noticed that those who don’t say much get a lot done."

That was one way of looking at it, no doubt; but if I did a deal, I could only say that it would be a pleasant surprise to me.

That was one way to see it, for sure; but if I made a deal, I could only say it would be a nice surprise for me.

"And our opponents--what sort of a team are they?"

"And our opponents—what kind of team are they?"

Mr. Sapsworth turned up his nose--not metaphorically, but as a matter of fact.

Mr. Sapsworth literally turned up his nose—not just as a figure of speech, but in reality.

"If we're bad," he said, "they're wuss. There's only one thing I've ever seen those Latchmere blokes much good at, and that is cheating. You'll have to keep a sharp eye on them, or they'll have all our chaps out when they ain't; and they won't go out themselves, not even when you've bowled their three stumps down all of a row."

"If we're bad," he said, "they're pathetic. There's only one thing I've ever seen those Latchmere guys really good at, and that's cheating. You'll have to keep a close watch on them, or they'll get all our players out when they shouldn't; and they won't go out themselves, not even when you've bowled their three stumps down in a row."

"Surely," I suggested, "those sort of questions are for the umpires to decide."

"Surely," I suggested, "those kinds of questions are for the umpires to decide."

"Umpires!" Up went Mr. Sapworth's nose again. "They bring their own umpire, and he's got his own ideas of umpiring, he has. But we've got our own umpire as well as them."

"Umpires!" Mr. Sapworth's nose lifted again. "They bring their own umpire, and he has his own ideas about how to officiate, he does. But we've got our own umpire too."

I said nothing; but Mr. Sapsworth's words conveyed to my mind pleasant impressions of the strict rigour of the game.

I didn’t say anything, but Mr. Sapsworth's words gave me a nice feeling about the strict rules of the game.

When we arrived there was a goodly gathering already assembled in Mr. Stubbs's field. A tent was erected; in and about it was a nondescript collection of men and boys; some forty or fifty others, availing themselves of the opportunity afforded them for a little practice, were actually disporting themselves on the pitch on which we were presently to play. I consoled myself with the reflection that the worse the ground was the more my bowling would tell.

When we got there, a decent crowd was already gathered in Mr. Stubbs's field. A tent had been set up; in and around it was a mix of men and boys; about forty or fifty others, taking advantage of the chance to practice a bit, were actually having fun on the pitch where we were about to play. I comforted myself with the thought that the worse the ground was, the more my bowling would stand out.

Mr. Sapworth introduced me to the crowd en masse. Several persons touched their caps to me; others nodded their heads; some grinned.

Mr. Sapworth introduced me to the crowd en masse. Several people touched their caps to me; others nodded; some grinned.

"Good-morning, gentlemen. We're going to have a fine day for our match. Our team all here?"

"Good morning, gentlemen. It looks like we're going to have a great day for our match. Is our team all here?"

Mr. Sapworth took upon himself to answer; he had been searching about him with his eyes.

Mr. Sapworth decided to respond; he had been looking around with his eyes.

"They're here all right. I suppose those Latchmere chaps ain't come yet?"

"They're definitely here. I guess those Latchmere guys haven't shown up yet?"

They had not come, and they did not come for an hour or more. I employed the interval in becoming acquainted with the individual members, arranging the order of going in, and their positions in the field; matters in appearance simple enough, but more difficult in practice. But at last the preliminaries were settled somehow, and the Latchmere men appeared upon the ground.

They hadn’t shown up, and they didn’t arrive for an hour or more. I spent that time getting to know the individual members, figuring out the order of entry, and their positions in the field—things that seemed simple but turned out to be trickier in practice. Eventually, though, we sorted everything out, and the Latchmere guys showed up on the field.

Their captain, coming up, was introduced to me. I was informed afterwards that he was a blacksmith. I thought he was by the way in which he grasped my hand. His opening speech was a little surprising.

Their captain approached and was introduced to me. I later learned that he was a blacksmith. I could tell by the way he shook my hand. His opening remarks were a bit unexpected.

"We ain't going to play you if you've got eleven men, you know."

"We're not going to play you if you have eleven players, you know."

I inquired into his meaning.

I asked about his meaning.

"We've only got ten," he said. "And one of them's Soft Sawney, and another's Sprouts."

"We only have ten," he said. "And one of them is Soft Sawney, and another is Sprouts."

I do not know if those were the correct names of the gentlemen referred to, or only fancy ones by which they were known to their friends; but he laid his hand on two of his followers and hauled them to the front. One was a long, weedy youth, who, one saw at a glance, was more than half an imbecile; and the other was a portly old gentleman of fifty-five or six, with a corporation like a barrel.

I’m not sure if those were the real names of the guys mentioned or just some nicknames they had among their friends; but he grabbed two of his followers and pulled them to the front. One was a tall, skinny young guy who, you could tell right away, was definitely not all there; and the other was a hefty old man in his mid-fifties, with a belly like a barrel.

Mr. Sapsworth intervened.

Mr. Sapsworth stepped in.

"What's that?" he cried. "We've got Hedges!"

"What's that?" he shouted. "We've got Hedges!"

He brought Mr. Hedges forward. I could not but feel that, to say the least of it, Mr. Hedges balanced Mr. Sprouts. If Mr. Hedges could run more than a dozen yards without pausing to take breath, I was almost ready to express my willingness to eat my hat.

He brought Mr. Hedges out. I couldn't help but feel that, to put it mildly, Mr. Hedges was the perfect counterbalance to Mr. Sprouts. If Mr. Hedges could run more than a dozen yards without stopping to catch his breath, I was almost ready to say I'd eat my hat.

"But we've only got ten men," persisted Mr. Barker. "You'll only have to have ten. If you think we're going to play against your eleven we won't play you at all, so that's all about it."

"But we've only got ten men," insisted Mr. Barker. "You’ll just need to have ten. If you think we’re going to play against your eleven, we won’t play you at all, so that’s final."

There was a prospect of unpleasantness even before the match began. It seemed that one of us would have to retire, in satisfaction of Mr. Barker's rather unjustifiable demand. I was about to retire myself--for I instinctively felt that, as a captain, I was no match for Mr. Barker--when a rather curious incident occurred.

There was a chance of awkwardness even before the match started. It seemed that one of us would have to withdraw to satisfy Mr. Barker's somewhat unreasonable request. I was about to step back myself—since I instinctively felt that, as a captain, I couldn't compete with Mr. Barker—when a rather strange incident happened.

On a sudden a newcomer appeared upon the scene. I say on a sudden, for no one had noticed his approach, and yet, all at once, there he was, standing between the Latchmere captain and myself. To me at any rate his presence was so unexpected, and, indeed, so startling, that I stared. He seemed to have come out of space. He was a big, burly fellow, with smooth cheeks, round face, bullet-shaped head, and sleepy-looking black eyes.

Suddenly, a newcomer appeared. I say suddenly because no one saw him coming, and then, all at once, there he was, standing between the Latchmere captain and me. His presence was so unexpected and, honestly, so surprising that I just stared. It was like he came out of nowhere. He was a big, burly guy, with smooth cheeks, a round face, a bullet-shaped head, and sleepy-looking black eyes.

"Let me play for you?" he said.

"Can I play for you?" he asked.

For a moment Mr. Barker stared at the stranger in surprise, in common with the rest of us. Then he jumped at the offer.

For a moment, Mr. Barker looked at the stranger in surprise, just like the rest of us. Then he jumped at the opportunity.

"Let you! rather!" He thrust out his hand and caught the stranger's palm in his. But no sooner had he got it firmly gripped than he dropped it with an exclamation: "Why, what's the matter with you? Ain't you well? Your hand's as cold as a frozen corpse."

"Let you! really!" He reached out his hand and grabbed the stranger's palm. But as soon as he had a firm grip on it, he dropped it with an exclamation: "What’s wrong with you? Are you okay? Your hand is as cold as a dead body."

I went a little aside with Mr. Sapsworth.

I stepped aside for a moment with Mr. Sapsworth.

"Who is he?" I asked.

"Who's he?" I asked.

"I don't know, and yet I seem somehow to have seen his face before. But let them have him. He doesn't look as though he were up to much."

"I don't know, but I feel like I've seen his face before. But let them take him. He doesn't seem like he's worth much."

He did not. Anyone looking less like a cricketer I have seldom seen. His costume was ridiculous. He had on a pair of large check trousers--a check of the kind which the Oxford tailor explained to the undergraduate was a leetle too large to be seen to advantage on a single pair of understandings. He had on a huge top hat, of a size and shape which would have made the fortune of a "lion comique." A red woollen muffler was wound several times round his neck, and his capacious person was enveloped in an enormous overcoat, the like of which I had never seen before. The day promised to remind us of the torrid zone, yet Mr. Barker had cried out that the stranger's hand felt cold.

He did not. I have rarely seen anyone who looked less like a cricketer. His outfit was absurd. He wore a pair of large check trousers—checkered in a way that the Oxford tailor told the undergraduate was a leetle too big to look good on a single pair of legs. He had on a massive top hat, sized and shaped in a way that would have made a "lion comique" famous. A red woolen scarf was wrapped several times around his neck, and his large frame was covered by an enormous overcoat unlike anything I had ever seen before. The day threatened to feel like the tropics, yet Mr. Barker exclaimed that the stranger's hand felt cold.

In the toss for innings victory fell to us. So we went in. I led the van. My associate was a youth named Fenning. He was a mere lad, and looked too much of a lout to be much of a cricketer. Mr. Barker led the bowling. I soon saw that if he had any strength it was not as a bowler. If I kept my head, I told myself, and he carried away my bails, it would be owing to the ground; for a rougher piece of turf, I suppose, few wickets have been pitched upon. But I was far too nervous to take liberties even with Mr. Barker. And, indeed, when the first over was finished, and I found myself still in, I drew a long breath of self-congratulation.

In the coin toss for the innings, we won. So we stepped up to bat. I was in the lead. My teammate was a kid named Fenning. He was just a boy and looked too clumsy to be a serious cricketer. Mr. Barker was the bowler. I quickly realized that if he had any talent, it definitely wasn’t as a bowler. I told myself that if I held my ground and he knocked off my bails, it would be due to the pitch; I doubt many wickets have been set on a rougher surface than this. But I was way too nervous to take any chances with Mr. Barker. In fact, when the first over ended and I was still in, I let out a big sigh of relief.

The other bowler was, in his own line, as meritorious a specimen as his captain. So, on the whole, things were going better than I had expected. I had scored eleven, six off Mr. Barker, and the rest off his friend. Even Fenning had hit up two--literally hit up. I was really beginning to think that I was getting set, which, in my palmiest days had only happened once--thrice happy day!--when something took place which showed me, not for the first time, the advisability of never counting your chickens till the eggs are hatched.

The other bowler was just as impressive in his own way as his captain. Overall, things were going better than I expected. I had scored eleven runs, six off Mr. Barker and the rest off his partner. Even Fenning had managed to score two—literally managed. I was starting to think that I was really getting into the groove, which had only happened once in my prime—oh, what a happy day!—when something happened that reminded me, yet again, not to count your chickens before they hatch.

Mr. Barker was just about to commence an over. He actually had the ball in his hand, when the substitute--the stranger who had volunteered to fill the place of the eleventh man--came marching right across the field. Mr. Barker saw him coming, and called out to him to stay where he was. But, wholly unheeding, the substitute strode on. He reached Mr. Barker, and, without saying a word, so far as I could perceive, he coolly held out his hand for the ball. I fully expected that the Latchmere captain would remonstrate, and not only remonstrate, but remonstrate strongly; but, to my surprise, he instantly surrendered the ball, and slunk rather than walked to the place which the stranger had just quitted. So the substitute was left to bowl.

Mr. Barker was just about to start his over. He actually had the ball in his hand when the substitute—the stranger who had volunteered to take the place of the eleventh man—came marching right across the field. Mr. Barker saw him coming and called out for him to stop where he was. But, completely ignoring him, the substitute kept walking. He reached Mr. Barker and, without saying a word that I could notice, calmly held out his hand for the ball. I fully expected that the Latchmere captain would protest, and not just protest, but protest strongly; but, to my surprise, he immediately handed over the ball and hurried away to the spot the stranger had just left. So the substitute was left to bowl.

Without doubt he was an eccentric character. Up to that moment he had been fielding in his woollen muffler, his overcoat, and, last but not least, his wonderful top hat. These, however, he now doffed, and laid in a heap upon the ground. Their disappearance revealed the fact that he wore a tight-fitting jacket which was the same wonderful pattern in checks as his trousers. From the look of him, I certainly never supposed that he could bowl. My surprise was, therefore, all the greater when I discovered that he could. His action was peculiar. He went right up to the wicket, and stood quite still, delivering the ball with a curious flourish of the wrist. Its pace was amazing. It pitched a good two feet to the off, and broke right in--perhaps aided by the ground, though he certainly had found a spot. I was so astounded by the pace--which reminded me of the old stories told of Lillywhite; you could hear it "humming" in the air--that I never even moved my bat. It was that which saved me. As it was the bat was all but driven out of my hand. I told myself that on the arrival of a second edition I should have to go. Yet I did manage to stop the next four balls--how, I have not the faintest notion; but the sixth--for it seemed that, in those parts, they bowled six to the over--took my middle stump, breaking it clean off at the top.

Without a doubt, he was an eccentric guy. Up to that moment, he had been fielding in his wool scarf, his overcoat, and, last but not least, his amazing top hat. However, he now took those off and tossed them in a pile on the ground. When they vanished, it revealed that he was wearing a tight-fitting jacket that had the same incredible checked pattern as his trousers. From the way he looked, I never thought he could bowl. So, I was even more surprised when I found out he could. His bowling style was unusual. He walked straight up to the wicket, stood completely still, and delivered the ball with a strange flick of his wrist. The speed was incredible. It pitched a good two feet off and then broke right in—maybe helped by the ground, but he definitely found a good spot. I was so stunned by the speed—reminding me of the old stories about Lillywhite; you could hear it "humming" through the air—that I didn’t even move my bat. That’s what saved me. As it was, the impact nearly knocked the bat out of my hand. I told myself that when the second edition arrived, I’d have to leave. Yet, I managed to stop the next four balls—how, I have no idea; but the sixth—since they bowled six balls to the over around there—hit my middle stump, breaking it clean off at the top.

As I entered the tent the scorer cried out--

As I walked into the tent, the scorer shouted--

"What name?"

"What's your name?"

"Tom Benyon," replied the bowler.

"Tom Benyon," replied the bowler.

Mr. Hedges, who was seated at the scorer's side, brought down his fist upon the trestle-table with a bang.

Mr. Hedges, who was sitting at the scorer's side, slammed his fist down on the trestle table with a bang.

"I knew it was! I knowed him all along!" Mr. Hedges was in a state of odd excitement. "That chap who bowled you ain't a man, sir--he's a ghost."

"I knew it was! I've known him all along!" Mr. Hedges was unusually excited. "That guy who bowled you isn't a man, sir—he's a ghost."

"He manages to put a good deal of pace on the ball for a ghost," I answered.

"He really puts a lot of speed on the ball for a ghost," I replied.

"And so he ought to. Did you hear what name he said? He said Tom Benyon! There wasn't a better cricketer in all these parts than Tom Benyon used to be. He played up in Lunnon more than once, I know, and got well paid for playing too. But he always was a queer sort, was Tom. I knew him well. I saw him buried. And if it is him, and not his ghost, he ain't grown a day older these twenty years, he ain't."

"And he should. Did you hear the name he mentioned? He said Tom Benyon! There wasn't a better cricketer around here than Tom Benyon used to be. I know he played in London more than once and got paid well for it, too. But he was always a bit strange, Tom was. I knew him well. I saw him buried. And if that's really him, not just his ghost, he hasn't aged a day in these twenty years, he hasn't."

I laughed. I supposed the old gentleman was jesting. But not a bit of it. When our second man had gone to the wicket Mr. Sapsworth drew me aside.

I laughed. I thought the old man was joking. But not at all. When our second guy went to the wicket, Mr. Sapsworth pulled me aside.

"I don't like the look of this," he said.

"I don't like how this looks," he said.

"Nor I," I answered, supposing he referred to Mr. Benyon's bowling. "He'll bring down our stumps like ninepins."

"Me neither," I replied, thinking he was talking about Mr. Benyon's bowling. "He'll knock our stumps over like they’re nothing."

"It isn't that. It--it's the man," he said.

"It’s not that. It—it’s the guy," he said.

"Do you mean the ghost?" I asked jokingly.

"Are you talking about the ghost?" I said playfully.

"It's easy to laugh. But----" Mr. Sapsworth paused. I could see he was ashamed of himself, yet had his suspicions none the less. "I thought I had seen him before, and I had. It is Tom Benyon."

"It's easy to laugh. But----" Mr. Sapsworth paused. I could see he was ashamed of himself, yet still had his suspicions. "I thought I had seen him before, and I had. It is Tom Benyon."

"He says he is Tom Benyon, and I suppose he should know best."

"He says he’s Tom Benyon, and I guess he should know better."

"Yes." Mr. Sapsworth fidgeted. "But Tom Benyon's been dead these twenty years."

"Yes." Mr. Sapsworth fidgeted. "But Tom Benyon's been dead for twenty years."

"Dead!" I cried, and laughed. "He showed himself too much alive for me, at any rate."

"Dead!" I shouted, then laughed. "He seemed way too alive for me, that's for sure."

"When I was a youngster," continued Mr. Sapsworth, "Tom Benyon used to come into my father's shop to be shaved. He was always on the drink. One morning I was all alone, minding the shop for father, when he came in, mad drunk. I never shall forget that morning, never. He made me sit in the shaving-chair, and set about to shave me. He soaped me all over--face and hair and all. I was that there frightened I couldn't make a sound. I never shall forget how I sat and watched him, with the soap all in my eyes, as he put an edge upon the razor. Then he set about shaving off my hair. He had got off about half of it, and I was streaming with blood, when who should come in but my father. If he hadn't Tom Benyon would have made an end of me."

"When I was a kid," Mr. Sapsworth continued, "Tom Benyon would come into my dad's shop to get a shave. He was always drunk. One morning, I was all alone, taking care of the shop while my dad was away, when he walked in, completely wasted. I'll never forget that morning, never. He made me sit in the shaving chair and started to shave me. He soaped me up all over—face, hair, the whole lot. I was so scared I couldn't even make a sound. I still remember sitting there and watching him, soap stinging my eyes, as he sharpened the razor. Then he started shaving off my hair. He got about halfway through, and I was bleeding everywhere, when who should walk in but my dad. If he hadn’t, Tom Benyon would have finished me off."

He paused. I perceived that the mere recollection of his little adventure affected him unpleasantly.

He paused. I could tell that just remembering his little adventure made him uncomfortable.

"There was something queer about his death. Some people said it was drink had done for him, some of 'em said he had done for himself. Anyhow, the whole country-side was at his funeral. I was there. I remember it as plainly as though it was yesterday."

"There was something strange about his death. Some people said it was alcohol that did him in, while others said he took his own life. Anyway, the whole countryside showed up for his funeral. I was there. I remember it as clearly as if it were yesterday."

While I was looking at Mr. Sapsworth, and pondering his words, there came the sound of laughter from the middle of the ground. It was not a loud laugh, but it was a distinctly disagreeable one. I looked round. Mr. Benyon was laughing at Mr. Fenning's discomfiture. He had served him as he had served me--he had taken his middle stump right out of the ground. I turned to Mr. Sapsworth.

While I was gazing at Mr. Sapsworth and thinking about what he said, I heard laughter coming from the center of the field. It wasn't a loud laugh, but it was definitely unpleasant. I looked around. Mr. Benyon was laughing at Mr. Fenning's embarrassment. He had done to him what he had done to me—he had knocked his middle stump right out of the ground. I turned to Mr. Sapsworth.

"You follow."

"You're up next."

"Me!" Mr. Sapsworth turned several shades whiter. "Me!" He looked about him with a frightened air. "Mr. Trentham, I--I can't," he said.

"Me!" Mr. Sapsworth turned several shades whiter. "Me!" He looked around with a scared expression. "Mr. Trentham, I--I can't," he said.

"Nonsense, Sapsworth! You don't mean to say that you are going to allow yourself to be frightened by any nonsense about a ghost, and in broad daylight too!"

"Nonsense, Sapsworth! You can't be serious about letting yourself get scared by some silly ghost story, especially in the middle of the day!"

The little man did not look by any means reassured by my tone of derision. He seemed more inclined to take to his heels than to take his place at the wickets. It is not impossible that he might have done so had he not been addressed from a different quarter.

The little man didn’t seem at all reassured by my mocking tone. He looked more ready to run away than to step up to the plate. It's possible he might have actually done that if he hadn't been called out from another direction.

"Bob Sapsworth!" It was Mr. Benyon calling to the little barber right across the field. "Come and be shaved!"

"Bob Sapsworth!" It was Mr. Benyon calling to the young barber across the field. "Come get a shave!"

I own that I myself was startled. The words were apposite, to say the least of it. We had just been speaking of Mr. Sapsworth's experience of the shaver's art as practised by Mr. Benyon's hands, and here was Mr. Benyon's namesake inviting him, if not to be cut, at least to come again. On Mr. Sapsworth the effect of the invitation was surprising. He had on his pads, his bat was in his hand. Without a word he shuffled towards the stumps. If ever I saw a man go to the wickets in a state of "mortal funk," I saw him then.

I admit I was taken aback. To say the least, the words were right on point. We had just been discussing Mr. Sapsworth's experience with Mr. Benyon's shaving skills, and now here was Mr. Benyon's namesake inviting him, if not for a haircut, at least to come back. The invitation had a surprising effect on Mr. Sapsworth. He had his pads on and his bat in hand. Without saying a word, he shuffled toward the stumps. If I ever saw someone approach the wickets in a state of sheer panic, it was him then.

I myself moved towards the scoring-tent. The state of things within it at once impressed me as peculiar. It had been filled, a little time ago, with jovial faces. Now, the owners of those faces might have been attendants at a funeral. And many a man has had a livelier following to the grave than I saw assembled then.

I walked over to the scoring tent. The atmosphere inside struck me as unusual. Just a short while ago, it was filled with cheerful faces. Now, those same faces looked like they were at a funeral. I've seen plenty of people have a more lively crowd following them to the grave than what I saw gathered there.

Fenning came shambling into the tent. I spoke to him.

Fenning shuffled into the tent. I talked to him.

"Mr. Benyon's bowling was too much for you, eh, Fenning?"

"Mr. Benyon's bowling was more than you could handle, right, Fenning?"

Unless I am mistaken, Mr. Fenning wiped a tear out of his eye. He certainly put up his hand and rubbed the optic with his knuckles.

Unless I'm mistaken, Mr. Fenning wiped a tear from his eye. He definitely raised his hand and rubbed his eye with his knuckles.

"I never seed such bowling! 'Tain't fair!" he said.

"I never saw such bowling! It's not fair!" he said.

"What is there unfair about it, Fenning?"

"What's unfair about it, Fenning?"

"It comes so sharp. I never seed the ball afore there was my wickets down."

"It comes in so fast. I never saw the ball before my wickets were down."

I smiled. Not so the company. They regarded Mr. Fenning's words with different eyes. Mr. Hedges gave expression to the general opinion.

I smiled. The others, however, did not. They looked at Mr. Fenning's words with a different perspective. Mr. Hedges voiced what everyone was thinking.

"You ain't never seen such bowling afore, and you won't never see such bowling again. 'Cause why? 'Cause it's a ghost that's bowling, not a man!"

"You've never seen bowling like this before, and you won't see anything like it again. Why? Because it's a ghost bowling, not a person!"

Mr. Fenning looked about him with open eyes, and with open mouth as well. "A ghost!" he mumbled.

Mr. Fenning looked around with wide eyes and an open mouth. "A ghost!" he muttered.

"A ghost!" said Mr. Hedges.

"Ghost!" exclaimed Mr. Hedges.

I expostulated.

I protested.

"Come, Mr. Hedges, you frighten the lad. I am surprised, too, that a man of your age and experience and wisdom should talk nonsense about ghosts."

"Come on, Mr. Hedges, you’re scaring the kid. I’m also surprised that someone your age, with your experience and wisdom, would talk nonsense about ghosts."

Mr. Hedges looked up at me a little sharply.

Mr. Hedges looked at me with a bit of irritation.

"If he ain't a ghost, what's become of the things that he's took off?"

"If he isn't a ghost, what happened to the things he's taken?"

I asked him what he meant. He pointed across the ground.

I asked him what he meant. He pointed across the ground.

"He took off his hat and his coat and his scarf, and he laid 'em on the grass. He ain't touched 'em, and no one ain't took 'em, yet they're gone! We saw 'em go. If he ain't a ghost, what's become of the things that he's took off?"

"He took off his hat, coat, and scarf and laid them on the grass. He hasn’t touched them, and no one has taken them, yet they’re gone! We saw them leave. If he’s not a ghost, then where did the things he took off go?"

Mr. Hedges grew a little excited. I looked in the direction in which the old gentleman was pointing. The garments he referred to had apparently vanished, but, of course, their disappearance was susceptible of a most natural explanation. I should have maintained this proposition with more confidence had it not been for something which immediately occurred.

Mr. Hedges got a little excited. I looked where the old man was pointing. The clothes he mentioned had seemingly disappeared, but, of course, there was a perfectly reasonable explanation for it. I would have stood by this idea with more assurance if it hadn't been for something that happened right after.

Mr. Benyon was preparing to deliver his first ball to Mr. Sapsworth, and as I eyed him I noted the extremely unworkmanlike attitude in which Mr. Sapsworth awaited the delivery. Preparatory to delivering the ball Mr. Benyon divested himself of his remarkable coat, which matched his trousers, and in so doing disclosed a waistcoat which matched his coat. Neatly folding up the garment, he laid it beside him on the ground. No sooner did it touch the ground than it disappeared. I am unable to say how, but it did, and that before the eyes of all the lookers-on. This singular behaviour on the part of that curious garment took me by surprise.

Mr. Benyon was getting ready to pitch his first ball to Mr. Sapsworth, and as I watched him, I noticed how completely unprepared Mr. Sapsworth looked while waiting for the delivery. Before pitching the ball, Mr. Benyon took off his striking coat, which matched his pants, revealing a vest that matched his coat. He neatly folded the garment and set it down beside him on the ground. As soon as it touched the ground, it vanished. I can't explain how it happened, but it did, and everyone watching saw it. This strange behavior of that unusual garment caught me off guard.

After that I was prepared to excuse a certain amount of nervousness on the part of Mr. Sapsworth. To Mr. Benyon Mr. Sapsworth's nervousness seemed to afford positive pleasure. He cried, in a tone which was perhaps meant to be jovial:

After that, I was ready to overlook some of Mr. Sapsworth's nervousness. To Mr. Benyon, Mr. Sapsworth's nerves seemed to be a source of genuine amusement. He exclaimed, in a tone that was probably meant to sound cheerful:

"Now, Bob Sapsworth, prepare to be shaved!"

"Alright, Bob Sapsworth, get ready to be shaved!"

The ball went from his hand like lightning. Mr. Sapsworth yelled. Mr. Benyon sent down his second ball--whack! not against the bat, but, I should say, as nearly as possible against the same portion of Mr. Sapsworth's frame which it had struck before. Any cricketer might have been demoralised after receiving two such blows, but he would at least have tried to get out of the way of the ball instead of in it. Mr. Sapsworth placed his person exactly where the ball might be expected to come, and, for once in a way, expectation was realised--it did come. The third, fourth, and fifth balls found an exactly similar billet, and the sixth not only knocked his bat out of his trembling hands, but all three of his stumps clean out of the ground.

The ball flew from his hand like lightning. Mr. Sapsworth shouted. Mr. Benyon bowled his second ball—whack! not against the bat, but, I would say, almost exactly against the same part of Mr. Sapsworth's body that it had hit before. Any cricketer might have been shaken after taking two such hits, but at least they would have tried to move out of the way of the ball instead of standing in its path. Mr. Sapsworth positioned himself right where the ball was likely to come, and, for once, his expectation was met—it did come. The third, fourth, and fifth balls found the same target, and the sixth not only knocked the bat out of his trembling hands but also took all three of his stumps clean out of the ground.

"I said I'd shave you, Bobby!" shouted Mr. Benyon, as the victim went limping from the place of execution.

"I said I'd shave you, Bobby!" shouted Mr. Benyon, as the victim limped away from the place of execution.

"Next man in," I said.

"Next up," I said.

"I ain't going in," courteously rejoined the player whose turn it was to follow. I was about to ask him why, when I was saved the trouble by Mr. Benyon.

"I’m not going in," politely responded the player whose turn it was next. I was about to ask him why when Mr. Benyon interrupted.

"Jack Hawthorn!" Oddly enough, the man's name was Hawthorn, though how Mr. Benyon came to know that he was next man in is more than I can say. Mr. Hawthorn was a huge fellow quite six feet high; but at the sound of Mr. Benyon's voice he rose, docile as a child. "I'm waiting for you."

"Jack Hawthorn!" Strangely enough, the guy's name was Hawthorn, but I can’t figure out how Mr. Benyon knew he was the next one up. Mr. Hawthorn was a big guy, almost six feet tall; but when he heard Mr. Benyon's voice, he stood up, as compliant as a child. "I'm waiting for you."

Without pads Mr. Hawthorn went striding across the turf, content to use the bat which Mr. Sapsworth had left lying on the ground. That hero came limping into the tent.

Without pads, Mr. Hawthorn confidently strode across the field, happy to use the bat that Mr. Sapsworth had left lying on the ground. That hero hobbled into the tent.

"It's a ghost," he said.

"It's a ghost," he said.

I could not but feel that the fellow was something of a cur. To this feeling I gave expression.

I couldn’t help but feel that the guy was a bit of a jerk. I expressed this feeling.

"Ghost or no ghost, rather than let him pound me all over the body with the ball, I would have made one try to hit at it. And you told me that you were an all-round player."

"Ghost or no ghost, instead of letting him hit me all over with the ball, I would have at least tried to hit it. And you claimed you were a versatile player."

No doubt the man must have been suffering considerable pain, but I was too much annoyed at his cowardice to feel for him. Besides, the whole thing was so preposterous.

No doubt the man must have been in a lot of pain, but I was too annoyed by his cowardice to feel sorry for him. Plus, the whole situation was just ridiculous.

Undoubtedly, as a trundler Mr. Benyon was superb. I have no hesitation in saying that I do not remember to have seen finer bowling than his on any ground in England. He combined two things which, so far as I am aware, are not to be found together in any living player--pace and break. But it was not his bowling, fine as it was, which promised to work our ruin, so much as the absurd belief entertained by the members of the team that he--check trousers and all--was a ghost. An idea came into my head. I resolved that I would ask him, point-blank, in the face of all the people, if he was a ghost. If his answers did not satisfy the doubters nothing would.

Undoubtedly, as a bowler, Mr. Benyon was outstanding. I can confidently say that I've never seen better bowling than his on any field in England. He combined two qualities that, as far as I know, no other player today has—speed and spin. However, it wasn’t just his impressive bowling that threatened our downfall, but rather the ridiculous belief among the team members that he—complete with checkered trousers—was a ghost. A thought crossed my mind. I decided that I would ask him, directly and in front of everyone, if he was a ghost. If his response didn’t convince the skeptics, nothing would.

The opportunity occurred just as he was about to begin his following over. Moving from the tent, I advanced towards the wickets.

The chance came right when he was about to start his next round. Leaving the tent, I walked toward the wickets.

"Excuse me, Mr. Benyon, but before you commence to bowl might I speak to you a word?"

"Excuse me, Mr. Benyon, but before you start your bowling, can I have a word with you?"

He turned and looked at me. As he did so I was conscious that, in the most emphatic sense of the word, his appearance was peculiar. He looked as though he were a corpse, and an unhealthy corpse to boot--the sort of corpse that no man would spend a night with willingly. And this unpleasant appearance was accentuated by his ridiculous attire. Fancy a dead man, of a bloated habit of body, taking his walks abroad in a suit of checks--each check twelve inches square! I was so uncomfortably conscious that Mr. Benyon did not look a clubbable kind of man that I faltered in my speech.

He turned and looked at me. As he did, I realized that, in every possible way, his appearance was strange. He looked like a corpse, and an unhealthy one at that—the kind of corpse no one would want to spend the night with willingly. This unsettling look was made worse by his ridiculous outfit. Imagine a dead man, with a bloated body, out for a stroll in a suit covered in checks—each check a foot square! I felt so uneasy that Mr. Benyon didn’t seem like the type of guy you’d want to hang out with that I hesitated in my speaking.

"You will excuse me, Mr. Benyon, if the question I am about to put to you appears to you even worse than absurd, but the members of my team have some ridiculous notion in their heads that you are a certain Tom Benyon who died twenty years ago, and who now lies buried in the churchyard. I am sure, therefore, you will forgive my asking, are you a ghost?"

"You'll forgive me, Mr. Benyon, if the question I'm about to ask seems even more ridiculous than absurd, but the people on my team have this silly idea that you’re a certain Tom Benyon who died twenty years ago and is now buried in the churchyard. So, I hope you'll understand my asking, are you a ghost?"

Mr. Benyon eyed me, and I eyed him--not willingly, but because, for some reason or other, I could not help it. At last he answered, speaking in a sort of shout,

Mr. Benyon looked at me, and I looked back at him—not voluntarily, but because, for some reason, I couldn't avoid it. Finally, he replied, speaking in a sort of shout,

"I am."

"I'm here."

Of course such an answer was absurd--ridiculously absurd. As I sit here writing no man could be more conscious of its absurdity than I am. But then it was not that I was so conscious of as of a cold shiver going all down my back, and of a sort of feeling as though Providence had sent me out into the world knock-kneed. I struggled against a strong inclination to sit down upon the turf and stop there. But being at the same time dimly aware that I was making an unexampled fool of myself, I made a frantic effort to regain the use of my tongue.

Of course, that answer was absurd—ridiculously absurd. As I sit here writing, no one is more aware of its absurdity than I am. But back then, it wasn't that awareness that hit me; it was more a cold shiver running down my back and a feeling like Providence had sent me out into the world with my knees knocking. I fought against a strong urge to just sit down on the grass and stay there. But at the same time, I was vaguely aware that I was making an unprecedented fool of myself, so I made a desperate attempt to get my tongue working again.

"Oh, you--you are a ghost! I--I thought so. Tha--thanks."

"Oh, you--you’re a ghost! I--I figured as much. Th--thanks."

How I got back to the tent I have not the faintest notion. But I do know that after that exhibition of the sort of stuff that I was made of, disaster followed hard upon disaster.

How I made it back to the tent, I have no idea. But I do know that after that display of what I was really made of, one disaster followed another.

The first wicket--my own--had fallen for thirteen runs. The second, and the third, had seen the score unaltered. Hawthorn was the fourth man in. He was so fortunate as to appear upon the scene just as I put my fatal question--it was to give him a chance I put it. The answer settled him--that is, if there was anything left to settle. I am not able to state exactly what became of him, but I have a clear impression that he was out at the end of the over. Moreover, of this I am well assured, that nine wickets fell without an addition being made to the score. I suppose that is, in its way, a record.

The first wicket—mine—fell for thirteen runs. The second and the third didn’t change the score. Hawthorn was the fourth man in. He was lucky enough to show up just as I asked my fateful question—I asked it to give him a chance. His answer decided everything—that is, if there was anything left to decide. I can’t say exactly what happened to him, but I clearly remember that he was out by the end of the over. Also, I’m sure that nine wickets fell without any change to the score. I guess that’s a kind of record.

Whether Mr. Benyon owed the inhabitants of his native place a grudge the evidence before me does not enable one to decide; but, if he did, he certainly paid it in full that day. Although he bowled at the wickets he hit the players first. Nor was this, so far as appearances went, in any way his fault; they seemed to have a singular knack of getting just in the way of the ball. The order of the innings was this: the ball hit each man five times, and the wickets once. At the end of each of Mr. Benyon's overs a batsman returned to the tent a sadder and a lamer man.

Whether Mr. Benyon held a grudge against the people of his hometown is hard to tell from the evidence I have, but if he did, he definitely took it out on them that day. While he aimed for the wickets, he ended up hitting the players first. This didn't seem to be his fault, as they had a peculiar talent for getting right in the path of the ball. The order of the innings was as follows: the ball hit each player five times and the wickets once. By the end of each of Mr. Benyon's overs, a batsman returned to the tent feeling worse for wear and limping.

One case in particular was hard. It was the case of Mr. Hedges. He was the last man in; when his turn came, with the score still at thirteen runs, he stuck to his seat like glue.

One case in particular was tough. It was the case of Mr. Hedges. He was the last man in; when his turn came, with the score still at thirteen runs, he stayed glued to his seat.

"Won't somebody go in for me?" he asked, as he saw his doom approaching. "I ain't no cricketer," he added, a little later on. "Now am I?" He asked the question of his friends, but his friends were still. He addressed himself to Mr. Sapsworth. "Bob Sapsworth, you asked me to play, now didn't you? You says to me, 'If you play, William Hedges,' you says, 'I shouldn't be surprised but what the gent as we're going to ask to captain us stands you a free lunch,' you says, 'not to speak of drinks,' you says." I pricked up my ears at this, but held my tongue. "But you says nothing about being bowled at by a ghost, now did you now; I ask you, Bob Sapsworth, did you now?"

"Could someone go in for me?" he asked, noticing his fate closing in. "I'm not a cricketer," he added a bit later. "Right?" He directed this question at his friends, but they remained silent. He turned to Mr. Sapsworth. "Bob Sapsworth, you did ask me to play, didn't you? You said to me, 'If you play, William Hedges,' you said, 'I wouldn't be surprised if the guy we're going to ask to be our captain offers you a free lunch,' you said, 'not to mention drinks,' you said." I perked up at this but kept quiet. "But you didn't say anything about being bowled at by a ghost, did you, Bob Sapsworth? Did you?"

Mr. Sapsworth was silent. The old gentleman went on:

Mr. Sapsworth was quiet. The old man continued:

"I shan't go in," he announced. That was when the ninth batsman had received Mr. Benyon's first ball--upon his person. "Nothing shan't make me go in to be bowled at by a ghost." This second announcement followed the delivery of the second ball upon the batsman's person. "I ain't no cricketer, and I don't know nothing about the rules of the game, and I ain't going to stand up to be chucked at by a ghost," and Mr. Hedges struck his fist upon the board. There came a yell from the wickets; Mr. Hedges gripped his seat tightly with his hands. "I won't go in!" he cried. Another ball, another yell. Mr. Hedges repeated his determination over and over again, as if in its reiteration he sought for strength to keep it. "I won't! I won't! I won't!"

"I’m not going in," he said. That was when the ninth batsman faced Mr. Benyon’s first ball—right at him. "Nothing is going to make me go in to be bowled at by a ghost." This second statement came after the batsman was hit by the second ball. "I’m not a cricketer, I don’t know anything about the rules, and I’m not going to stand there and get thrown at by a ghost," and Mr. Hedges slammed his fist on the board. A yell rang out from the wickets; Mr. Hedges clutched his seat tightly. "I won’t go in!" he shouted. Another ball, another yell. Mr. Hedges kept repeating his determination, as if saying it over and over would give him the strength to stick to it. "I won’t! I won’t! I won’t!"

The last ball of the over, and the ninth of our hopes had fallen. A pause ensued. The batsman came limping towards the tent. Mr. Hedges' time was come; he clutched at the seat with the frenzy of despair.

The last ball of the over, and the ninth of our hopes had fallen. A pause followed. The batsman came limping toward the tent. Mr. Hedges' moment had arrived; he grabbed the seat with a sense of frantic despair.

"Bill Hedges!" sang out Mr. Benyon; but Mr. Hedges gave no sign. "Bill Hedges!" Still no reply. "Bill Hedges, have I got to come and fetch you?"

"Bill Hedges!" called out Mr. Benyon; but Mr. Hedges didn’t respond. "Bill Hedges!" Still no answer. "Bill Hedges, do I need to come and get you?"

At that awful threat the old gentleman did rise. His ample form went waddling across the ground.

At that dreadful threat, the old man got up. His large frame waddled across the ground.

"I--I'm a-coming, Tom. I--I ain't no cricketer, Tom. Do--don't you be too hard on me. If you must hit me, let it be behind."

"I—I'm coming, Tom. I—I’m not a fighter, Tom. Don’t be too hard on me. If you have to hit me, do it from behind."

"Where's your bat?"

"Where's your baseball bat?"

The inquiry came from Mr. Benyon. Mr. Hedges had arrived at the wicket without that batsman's requisite. He scratched his head.

The question came from Mr. Benyon. Mr. Hedges had arrived at the wicket without the necessary items for that batsman. He scratched his head.

"My bat? I--I don't want no bat. I--I ain't no cricketer. You can hit me quite as well without it, Tom."

"My bat? I don’t want a bat. I’m not a cricketer. You can hit me just as well without it, Tom."

"Go and get your bat!"

"Go grab your bat!"

Mr. Hedges went and got it. When he had it it was evident that he had but rudimentary notions of its uses. He held it gingerly, round side foremost, as though he were afraid that if he grasped it tightly it would burn him.

Mr. Hedges went and got it. When he had it, it was clear that he had only basic ideas about how to use it. He held it carefully, with the round side facing forward, as if he were worried that if he held it too tightly, it would burn him.

"Bill Hedges, do you remember those drinks you paid for me the Saturday week before I died?"

"Bill Hedges, do you remember those drinks you bought for me the Saturday before I died?"

"No, Tom; I can't say rightly as how I do."

"No, Tom; I can’t really say how I feel."

"You did. It was at the 'Crown and Anchor.' I had no money. I said if you'd stand Sam I'd pay you back again; but I never did. I'll pay you now."

"You did. It was at the 'Crown and Anchor.' I didn't have any cash. I said if you’d cover Sam, I’d pay you back later; but I never did. I’ll pay you now."

Mr. Benyon paid him, five times over. The old gentleman bore it like a lamb. Whack--whack--whack--whack--whack! and the fall of his wicket at the end. As he returned towards the tent he wiped his wrinkled brow.

Mr. Benyon paid him, five times over. The old gentleman took it like a champ. Whack--whack--whack--whack--whack! and then his wicket fell at the end. As he walked back to the tent, he wiped his wrinkled brow.

"I always said I wasn't no cricketer, and I ain't," he said.

"I always said I'm not a cricketer, and I'm not," he said.



CHAPTER III.

AND BATS.


Our innings was over--for thirteen runs. We sat there, moping in a crowd, I among the rest, when Mr. Benyon, bustling up, reminded me of my duties as a captain.

Our innings was over—for thirteen runs. We sat there, sulking in a crowd, me included, when Mr. Benyon hurried over and reminded me of my responsibilities as captain.

"Now then, turn out. Send your men into the field. We can't stop here all day. I'm first man in; soon I'll have to go, and I haven't had a smack at a cricket-ball these twenty years!"

"Alright, let’s go. Send your guys out into the field. We can’t just sit here all day. I’m going in first; I’ll have to leave soon, and I haven’t played a game of cricket in twenty years!"

We looked at each other. One part of his address gave us a certain gratification--that part in which he stated that he soon would have to go. We turned out. I suppose a more unpromising set of fieldsmen never yet took their places in the field. The Latchmere men went slouching towards the tent; some of them, I noticed, instead of going in stole towards the rear. These, I suspect, stole off the ground; I never set eyes on them again.

We looked at each other. One part of his speech gave us some satisfaction—that part where he said he would have to leave soon. We headed out. I guess a more unenthusiastic group of fielders has never taken their positions. The Latchmere guys shuffled towards the tent; some of them, I noticed, instead of going in, sneaked off to the back. I suspect those guys slipped away from the field; I never saw them again.

"Mr. Trentham, I--I can't bowl," whispered Mr. Sapsworth to me as we moved across the turf.

"Mr. Trentham, I—I can't bowl," Mr. Sapsworth whispered to me as we walked across the grass.

He and I had agreed that we should start the bowling. I confess that I felt no more inclined to act up to the letter of our agreement than he did. But Mr. Benyon intervened.

He and I had agreed to start bowling. I admit that I didn't feel any more motivated to stick to our agreement than he did. But Mr. Benyon interrupted.

"Now, Bob Sapsworth, you take the bowling one end, and let your captain take the other. Captain, you take first over."

"Alright, Bob Sapsworth, you take one end of the bowling, and let your captain take the other. Captain, you start with the first over."

I obeyed without a murmur. It might have been quite a usual thing to see in a match a member of one team ordering about the captain of the other. I do not think that our field was arranged on scientific principles; I may certainly claim that I had nothing to do with its arrangement. There is a suspicion floating through my mind that at one or two points--two, or more--men were placed unusually close together. For instance, at deep mid-off--very deep mid-off--Mr. Hawthorn and Mr. Hedges were not only doing their best to trample on each other's toes, but each was seeking for a place of security behind the other's back.

I followed orders without complaint. It might have been pretty normal to see one team member directing the captain of the opposing team during a match. I don’t think our field was set up according to any scientific method; I can definitely say I had nothing to do with how it was arranged. I can’t shake the feeling that in a couple of spots—two or more—men were positioned unusually close together. For example, at deep mid-off—really deep mid-off—Mr. Hawthorn and Mr. Hedges were not only trying their best to step on each other's toes, but each was also looking for a safe spot behind the other's back.

Mr. Barker shared with Mr. Benyon the honour of being first man in. The Latchmere captain, as a captain, had become quite as much a figurehead as I had. His bearing was indicative of extreme depression. I think he had learned that to take, off-hand, the first substitute who offered, was, now and then, unwise.

Mr. Barker shared with Mr. Benyon the honor of being the first man in. The Latchmere captain, just like me, had become more of a figurehead. His demeanor showed signs of deep sadness. I think he had realized that accepting the first substitute who came along wasn’t always a smart move.

To enable him to bat with more advantage, Mr. Benyon had removed his waistcoat, which matched his trousers and his coat. What he had done with it I cannot say; possibly it had vanished, with his other garments, into air. Now he had on a bright red flannel shirt--his tastes in costume seemed a trifle lurid--the sleeves of which were turned up above the elbows. His pose was almost as peculiar as his costume. He stood bolt upright, his legs together, his feet drawn heel to heel; not at all in the fashion of a modern cricketer, who seeks to guard his wickets with his legs. His bat he held straight down in front of him, the blade swinging gently in the air.

To help him bat more effectively, Mr. Benyon took off his waistcoat, which matched his trousers and coat. I can't say what happened to it; it might have disappeared, along with his other clothes, into thin air. Now he wore a bright red flannel shirt—his style choices seemed a bit flashy—the sleeves rolled up above the elbows. His stance was almost as unusual as his outfit. He stood straight, legs together, feet touching heel to heel; definitely not like a modern cricketer, who usually positions their legs to protect the wickets. He held his bat straight down in front of him, the blade gently swaying in the air.

I am afraid I wasted more time in preparing to deliver my first ball than I need have done; but if Mr. Benyon had not had a smack with a bat for twenty years it was a good fifteen since I had bowled a ball. After such a lapse of time one requires to pull oneself together before exhibiting one's powers to a cricketer of Mr. Benyon's calibre. He, however, did not seem to recognise the necessity which I myself felt that I was under.

I’m afraid I spent more time getting ready to deliver my first ball than I really needed to; but if Mr. Benyon hadn’t played with a bat in twenty years, it had been a good fifteen since I’d bowled a ball. After such a long break, you need to get yourself together before showing off your skills to a cricketer of Mr. Benyon’s level. He, however, didn’t seem to notice the pressure I felt.

"Hurry up, sir! Don't I tell you that soon I'll have to go?"

"Hurry up, sir! Didn't I say that I’ll have to leave soon?"

I hurried up. I gave him an overhand full pitch which would have made a decent catch for point, if point had been close in, which he wasn't. However, in any case Mr. Benyon would have saved him the trouble. He hit the ball a crack the like of which I had never seen before. He drove it over the hedge, and over the trees, and up to the skies, and out of sight.

I rushed over. I threw him a full pitch that would have been an easy catch for the point fielder, if he had been closer, which he wasn't. Still, Mr. Benyon would have made it easier for him. He hit the ball with a force I had never seen before. He drove it over the hedge, over the trees, up into the sky, and out of sight.

"I don't think that's a bad little smack to start with," he observed. "I like your kind of bowling, mister. I suppose that's a boundary." He called to the scorer--if there was one, which I doubt--"Put down Tom Benyon six!" He turned again to me. "It's no good wasting time looking for that ball. I've another in my pocket you can have."

"I don't think that's a bad little hit to start with," he said. "I like your style of bowling, man. I guess that's a boundary." He called to the scorer—if there even was one, which I doubt—"Mark down Tom Benyon six!" He turned back to me. "There's no point in wasting time looking for that ball. I've got another one in my pocket you can have."

He put his hand into his trousers' pocket. Those remarkable garments fitted him like eel-skins. I had certainly never supposed that he could by any possibility have such a thing as a cricket-ball in one of the pockets. But it appeared that he had. He drew one out and threw it up to me.

He reached into his pants pocket. Those amazing clothes fit him like a glove. I never thought he could possibly have a cricket ball in one of his pockets. But it turned out he did. He pulled one out and tossed it to me.

My second ball was a colourable imitation of my first, only this time it was wide to leg. To long-leg Mr. Benyon sent it flying.

My second ball was a believable copy of my first, but this time it went wide to the leg side. Mr. Benyon sent it flying to long leg.

"Put down Tom Benyon another six!" he cried. "I do like your bowling, mister. I've got another ball which you can have."

"Put down Tom Benyon another six!" he shouted. "I really like your bowling, man. I've got another ball you can have."

He produced a second ball from the same pocket from which the first had come. I could scarcely believe my eyes. But I was discovering, with Horatio, that there were more things in heaven and earth than had been contained in my philosophy. Since Mr. Benyon professed such affection for the style of bowling which I favoured, I sent him down another sample. This time it was fairly straight--by which I mean that it would not have pitched more than a yard from the wickets if Mr. Benyon had allowed it to pitch, which he didn't. He treated it as he had done the first--he drove it, with terrific force, right above my head.

He pulled a second ball from the same pocket as the first one. I could hardly believe my eyes. But I was realizing, along with Horatio, that there were more things in heaven and earth than I had ever thought. Since Mr. Benyon claimed to really like the type of bowling I preferred, I threw him another one. This time it was pretty straight—which means it wouldn't have landed more than a yard from the wickets if Mr. Benyon had let it pitch, but he didn't. He handled it just like the first one—he hit it, with incredible force, straight over my head.

"Never mind about the ball," he said. "I've got another in my pocket."

"Don't worry about the ball," he said. "I've got another one in my pocket."

He had--the third. And in the same pocket from which the other two had come.

He had the third one too. And it was in the same pocket where the other two had come from.

My fourth ball he treated to a swipe to square-leg. He seemed to have a partiality for swiping. Quite unnecessarily he allowed that this was so.

My fourth ball he hit to square-leg. He definitely had a thing for swiping. For some reason, he admitted this was true.

"I do like a ball which I can get a smack at," he remarked as he produced a fourth ball from the same pocket of his tightly-fitting trousers which had contained the other three. "A swipe does warm me so. Your kind of bowling, mister, 's just the thing."

"I really enjoy a ball that I can hit," he said as he pulled out a fourth ball from the same pocket of his snug trousers that had held the other three. "A swing really gets me fired up. Your style of bowling, sir, is just perfect."

It was kind of him to say so; though, to my thinking, his remark did not convey a compliment. When he sent my fifth ball out of sight I wished that his love for swiping had been less, or my bowling of another kind. The sixth, however, which he also produced from the same wondrous store contained in his breeches pocket, he contented himself with what he called "snicking."

It was nice of him to say that; however, I didn't really see it as a compliment. When he knocked my fifth ball out of the park, I wished he had less of a knack for hitting or that my bowling was different. The sixth ball, though, which he also pulled from that amazing pocket in his pants, he just settled for what he called "snicking."

"That's what I call a pretty snick," he said.

"That's what I call a pretty awesome thing," he said.

The "snick" in question was a tremendous drive to deep mid-off. It was stopped, quite involuntarily, by Mr. Hawthorn and Mr. Hedges. So far as I could see, it stunned the pair of them. Neither of them made the slightest attempt to return the ball.

The "snick" being referred to was a powerful hit to deep mid-off. It was blocked, somewhat accidentally, by Mr. Hawthorn and Mr. Hedges. From what I could tell, it left both of them in shock. Neither of them made any effort to throw the ball back.

"Run it out!" cried Mr. Benyon. He and Mr. Barker began to run. They ran four, and then they ran two more, and still the ball was not thrown in. Mr. Benyon urged the fielders on. "Hurry up, Bill Hedges!"

"Run it out!" shouted Mr. Benyon. He and Mr. Barker took off. They ran four, then two more, and the ball was still not in. Mr. Benyon encouraged the fielders. "Hurry up, Bill Hedges!"

Mr. Hedges did not hurry up; he never could have hurried up, even if his manner of "fielding" the ball had not wholly deprived him of his wind. But the ball was at last thrown in--when the pair had run eleven. Forty-one runs off his first over was a result calculated to take the conceit out of the average bowler. And Mr. Benyon's last performance, his "snick," had placed him at the other wicket, prepared to receive Mr. Sapsworth's bowling--when it came.

Mr. Hedges didn’t rush; he never could, even if his way of "fielding" the ball hadn’t completely worn him out. But the ball was finally thrown in—after the pair had run eleven. Giving up forty-one runs in his first over was enough to knock the confidence out of any average bowler. And Mr. Benyon’s last play, his "snick," had put him at the other wicket, ready to face Mr. Sapsworth’s bowling—when it came.

"Now, Bob Sapsworth, I'll have a smack at you!" he said.

"Now, Bob Sapsworth, I'm going to take a swing at you!" he said.

He had. I felt for Mr. Sapsworth. But since I had suffered it was only fair that he should suffer too. Crack--smack--whack went the balls out of sight in all directions. And for each ball that disappeared Mr. Benyon produced another from his breeches pocket. I felt that these things must be happening to me in a dream. I was rapidly approaching the condition in which Alice must have been in Wonderland--prepared for anything.

He had. I felt for Mr. Sapsworth. But since I had suffered, it was only fair that he should suffer too. Crack—smack—whack went the balls flying out in all directions. And for each ball that vanished, Mr. Benyon pulled another from his pants pocket. I felt like all of this had to be happening in a dream. I was quickly getting to the point where Alice must have been in Wonderland—ready for anything.

Time went on. Mr. Sapsworth and I bowled over after over. Mr. Benyon was making a record in tall scoring. No performance of "W. G.'s" ever came within many miles of it. And the balls he lost! And the balls which he produced! And the diabolical ingenuity with which he managed, at the close of every over, to change his end! If Mr. Barker did no hitting, he did some running. He never had a chance to make a stroke, but his partner took care to make him run an incredibly large odd number as a wind up to every over. Mr. Benyon did not seem to be distressed by the exertion in the least; Mr. Barker emphatically did.

Time passed. Mr. Sapsworth and I bowled over and over. Mr. Benyon was setting a record for high scores. No performance by "W. G." ever came close to it. And the balls he lost! And the balls he hit! And the devilish cleverness with which he managed to change ends at the end of every over! If Mr. Barker didn’t hit, he did plenty of running. He never had a chance to make a shot, but his partner made sure he ran an incredibly large odd number to finish off every over. Mr. Benyon didn’t seem to be bothered by the effort at all; Mr. Barker definitely was.

Mr. Benyon had buoyed us up by his statement that he would soon have to go. His ideas of soon were different from ours. I suppose, at the outside, our innings had lasted half an hour. How long we bowled to Mr. Benyon is more than I can say. I know that I bowled until I felt that I should either have to stop or drop. By degrees one fact began to be impressed upon me. It was this--that the number of spectators was growing smaller by degrees and beautifully less. Originally there had been quite a crowd assembled. In course of time this had dwindled to half a dozen stragglers. A little later on even these had gone. And not only spectators but cricketers had disappeared. If my eyes did not deceive me, there was not a member of the Latchmere team left on the ground. They had had enough of Mr. Benyon--or his ghost.

Mr. Benyon had lifted our spirits with his promise that he would soon be leaving. His idea of "soon" was different from ours. I guess our time batting lasted about half an hour at most. I can't say how long we bowled to Mr. Benyon. I do know that I bowled until I felt like I could either stop or collapse. Gradually, one thing became clear to me: the number of spectators was slowly but surely decreasing. At first, there had been quite a crowd. Over time, it dwindled down to just a few stragglers. Eventually, even they left. And it wasn't just the spectators; the cricketers were disappearing too. If I wasn't mistaken, there wasn't a single member of the Latchmere team left on the field. They had clearly had enough of Mr. Benyon—or his ghost.

What was more, some of our own team took courage, and leg-bail. I caught one of them--the lad Fenning--in the act of scrambling through the hedge. But I had not the heart to stop him. I only wished that I had been so fortunate as to have led the van.

What’s more, some of our own team found their courage and bailed out. I caught one of them—the kid Fenning—trying to scramble through the hedge. But I didn’t have the heart to stop him. I just wished I had been lucky enough to lead the way.

The thing grew serious. So far as I could see, Mr. Hawthorn, Mr. Hedges, Mr. Sapsworth, and I were the only members of the Storwell team left on the ground. And the reflection involuntarily crossed my mind--what fools we were to stay! The amount of running about we had to do! And the way in which Mr. Benyon urged us on! The perspiration was running off from us in streams--I had never had such a "sweater" before!

The situation got serious. From what I could tell, Mr. Hawthorn, Mr. Hedges, Mr. Sapsworth, and I were the only ones left on the Storwell team. I couldn't help but think—what idiots we were to stick around! The amount of running we had to do! And the way Mr. Benyon kept pushing us forward! Sweat was pouring off us—I'd never sweated like this before!

"I do like your kind of bowling, mister," Mr. Benyon would constantly remark.

"I really like your style of bowling, sir," Mr. Benyon would always say.

If I had had an equal admiration for his kind of batting we should have been quits, but I had not; at least not then.

If I had the same admiration for his style of batting, we would have been even, but I didn't; at least not at that moment.

A little later, looking round the field, I found that Mr. Hawthorn had disappeared, and that Mr. Hedges, stuck in a hedge, was struggling gallantly to reach safety on the other side. It was the last ball of Mr. Sapsworth's over. Mr. Benyon ran thirteen for a hit to leg. He made Mr. Barker run them too--it was the proverbial last straw. As Mr. Barker was running the thirteenth run, instead of going to his wicket he dropped his bat--the bat which he had never had a chance to utilise--and bolted off the field as though Satan was behind him. Mr. Benyon called out to him, but Mr. Barker neither stopped nor stayed. It seemed that the match was going to resolve itself into a game of single wicket.

A little while later, looking around the field, I noticed that Mr. Hawthorn had vanished, and Mr. Hedges, stuck in a hedge, was struggling heroically to get to safety on the other side. It was the last ball of Mr. Sapsworth's over. Mr. Benyon ran thirteen for a hit to leg. He made Mr. Barker run them too—it was the last straw. As Mr. Barker was running the thirteenth run, instead of heading to his wicket, he dropped his bat—the bat he had never gotten a chance to use—and bolted off the field as if the devil was after him. Mr. Benyon called out to him, but Mr. Barker neither stopped nor hesitated. It looked like the match was turning into a game of single wicket.

To make things better, when I came up to bowl I perceived that Mr. Sapsworth's power of endurance had reached its tether. The position he had taken up in the field had not much promise of usefulness. He first stood close up to the hedge, then he stood in the middle of the hedge, then--I doubt if he stood upon the other side. But at least he had vanished from my ken. And I was left alone to bowl to Mr. Benyon. That over!

To improve the situation, when it was my turn to bowl, I noticed that Mr. Sapsworth's endurance had run its course. His position on the field didn’t seem very helpful. At first, he was standing right up against the hedge, then he moved to the middle of it, and I’m not sure he even stood on the other side. But at least he was out of my sight. And I was left all alone to bowl to Mr. Benyon. That over!

"I do like your kind of bowling, mister," he observed when, as usual, he sent my first ball out of sight. "Never mind about the ball. I've got one in my pocket you can have."

"I really like your style of bowling, sir," he noted when, as usual, he sent my first ball flying out of sight. "Don’t worry about the ball. I’ve got one in my pocket you can use."

He had. He produced it--always from the same pocket. It was about the second thousand.

He did. He pulled it out—always from the same pocket. It was around the second thousand.

"It does warm me so to swipe." This he said when he had sent my second ball on a journey to find its brother. Then a ball or two later on, "I call that a tidy smack." The "smack" in question had driven the ball, for anything I know to the contrary, a distance of some five miles or so.

"It feels so good to swipe." He said this after he sent my second ball off on a quest to find its twin. Then, a ball or two later, he remarked, "I’d call that a clean hit." The "hit" in question had propelled the ball, as far as I know, about five miles or so.

The next ball I fielded. It was the first piece of fielding I had done that day, and that was unintentional. It laid me on the ground. It was some moments before I recovered myself sufficiently to enable me to look round. When I did so no one was in sight. I was alone in the field. The opposite wicket was deserted. The bat lay on the ground. And Mr. Benyon had gone!

The next ball I caught. It was the first time I had fielded that day, and it was by accident. It knocked me to the ground. It took me a few moments to get myself together enough to look around. When I finally did, no one was in sight. I was all alone in the field. The opposite wicket was empty. The bat was lying on the ground. And Mr. Benyon was gone!




THE END.









        
        
    
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