This is a modern-English version of The Man of Destiny, originally written by Shaw, Bernard. It has been thoroughly updated, including changes to sentence structure, words, spelling, and grammar—to ensure clarity for contemporary readers, while preserving the original spirit and nuance. If you click on a paragraph, you will see the original text that we modified, and you can toggle between the two versions.

Scroll to the bottom of this page and you will find a free ePUB download link for this book.



THE MAN OF DESTINY

BERNARD SHAW

1898




The twelfth of May, 1796, in north Italy, at Tavazzano, on the road from Lodi to Milan. The afternoon sun is blazing serenely over the plains of Lombardy, treating the Alps with respect and the anthills with indulgence, not incommoded by the basking of the swine and oxen in the villages nor hurt by its cool reception in the churches, but fiercely disdainful of two hordes of mischievous insects which are the French and Austrian armies. Two days before, at Lodi, the Austrians tried to prevent the French from crossing the river by the narrow bridge there; but the French, commanded by a general aged 27, Napoleon Bonaparte, who does not understand the art of war, rushed the fireswept bridge, supported by a tremendous cannonade in which the young general assisted with his own hands. Cannonading is his technical specialty; he has been trained in the artillery under the old regime, and made perfect in the military arts of shirking his duties, swindling the paymaster over travelling expenses, and dignifying war with the noise and smoke of cannon, as depicted in all military portraits. He is, however, an original observer, and has perceived, for the first time since the invention of gunpowder, that a cannon ball, if it strikes a man, will kill him. To a thorough grasp of this remarkable discovery, he adds a highly evolved faculty for physical geography and for the calculation of times and distances. He has prodigious powers of work, and a clear, realistic knowledge of human nature in public affairs, having seen it exhaustively tested in that department during the French Revolution. He is imaginative without illusions, and creative without religion, loyalty, patriotism or any of the common ideals. Not that he is incapable of these ideals: on the contrary, he has swallowed them all in his boyhood, and now, having a keen dramatic faculty, is extremely clever at playing upon them by the arts of the actor and stage manager. Withal, he is no spoiled child. Poverty, ill-luck, the shifts of impecunious shabby-gentility, repeated failure as a would-be author, humiliation as a rebuffed time server, reproof and punishment as an incompetent and dishonest officer, an escape from dismissal from the service so narrow that if the emigration of the nobles had not raised the value of even the most rascally lieutenant to the famine price of a general he would have been swept contemptuously from the army: these trials have ground the conceit out of him, and forced him to be self-sufficient and to understand that to such men as he is the world will give nothing that he cannot take from it by force. In this the world is not free from cowardice and folly; for Napoleon, as a merciless cannonader of political rubbish, is making himself useful. indeed, it is even now impossible to live in England without sometimes feeling how much that country lost in not being conquered by him as well as by Julius Caesar.

The twelfth of May, 1796, in northern Italy, at Tavazzano, along the road from Lodi to Milan. The afternoon sun is shining brightly over the plains of Lombardy, showing respect to the Alps and indulgence to the anthills, unbothered by the pigs and cows basking in the villages or its cool reception in the churches, yet fiercely dismissive of the two armies—French and Austrian—like swarms of irritating insects. Two days earlier, at Lodi, the Austrians attempted to stop the French from crossing the river via the narrow bridge; however, the French, led by a 27-year-old general, Napoleon Bonaparte, who doesn’t truly grasp military strategy, charged the fiery bridge, bolstered by a heavy cannon fire in which the young general participated personally. Artillery is his technical specialty; he was trained in the old military system and honed the arts of dodging his responsibilities, cheating the paymaster on travel expenses, and giving war the loudness and smoke seen in military portraits. Yet, he is a keen observer and has realized, for the first time since gunpowder was invented, that a cannonball will kill a man if it hits him. Alongside this impressive revelation, he possesses a well-developed understanding of physical geography and the ability to calculate time and distances. He has incredible work ethic and a clear, realistic grasp of human nature in public matters, having witnessed it vigorously tested during the French Revolution. He is imaginative without delusions, and creative without faith, loyalty, patriotism, or any of the usual ideals. It's not that he lacks these ideals; on the contrary, he fully embraced them in his youth, and now, with a sharp sense of drama, he skillfully manipulates them through the tactics of an actor and stage director. Still, he is no pampered child. Poverty, misfortune, the struggles of a financially struggling gentleman, repeated failures as an aspiring writer, humiliation as a rejected opportunist, reprimands and punishments as an incompetent and dishonest officer, and a narrow escape from dismissal that came about only because the emigration of the nobility had inflated even the rank of the most unscrupulous lieutenant to a price befitting a general—these hardships have stripped him of arrogance and compelled him to be self-reliant, teaching him that for men like him, the world offers nothing that he cannot seize by force. In this, the world is not without its own cowardice and foolishness; for Napoleon, as a relentless cannonader of political nonsense, is becoming quite useful. Indeed, it is already hard to live in England without feeling the loss that country suffered by not being conquered by him, just as it was by Julius Caesar.

However, on this May afternoon in 1796, it is early days with him. He is only 26, and has but recently become a general, partly by using his wife to seduce the Directory (then governing France) partly by the scarcity of officers caused by the emigration as aforesaid; partly by his faculty of knowing a country, with all its roads, rivers, hills and valleys, as he knows the palm of his hand; and largely by that new faith of his in the efficacy of firing cannons at people. His army is, as to discipline, in a state which has so greatly shocked some modern writers before whom the following story has been enacted, that they, impressed with the later glory of "L'Empereur," have altogether refused to credit it. But Napoleon is not "L'Empereur" yet: he has only just been dubbed "Le Petit Caporal," and is in the stage of gaining influence over his men by displays of pluck. He is not in a position to force his will on them, in orthodox military fashion, by the cat o' nine tails. The French Revolution, which has escaped suppression solely through the monarchy's habit of being at least four years in arrear with its soldiers in the matter of pay, has substituted for that habit, as far as possible, the habit of not paying at all, except in promises and patriotic flatteries which are not compatible with martial law of the Prussian type. Napoleon has therefore approached the Alps in command of men without money, in rags, and consequently indisposed to stand much discipline, especially from upstart generals. This circumstance, which would have embarrassed an idealist soldier, has been worth a thousand cannon to Napoleon. He has said to his army, "You have patriotism and courage; but you have no money, no clothes, and deplorably indifferent food. In Italy there are all these things, and glory as well, to be gained by a devoted army led by a general who regards loot as the natural right of the soldier. I am such a general. En avant, mes enfants!" The result has entirely justified him. The army conquers Italy as the locusts conquered Cyprus. They fight all day and march all night, covering impossible distances and appearing in incredible places, not because every soldier carries a field marshal's baton in his knapsack, but because he hopes to carry at least half a dozen silver forks there next day.

However, on this May afternoon in 1796, he's still new to all this. At just 26, he has recently become a general, partly by using his wife to charm the Directory (the governing body of France back then), partly because there weren't many officers left due to the emigration mentioned earlier; partly because he knows the country—every road, river, hill, and valley—like the back of his hand; and mostly because of his newfound belief in the effectiveness of firing cannons at people. His army is, in terms of discipline, in such a state that it has shocked some modern writers who have heard the story, so much so that they, impressed by the later glory of "L'Empereur," refuse to believe it. But Napoleon isn't "L'Empereur" yet; he’s just been nicknamed "Le Petit Caporal," and he’s still in the phase of gaining influence over his men through displays of bravery. He can’t impose his will on them like a traditional military leader with the cat o’ nine tails. The French Revolution has only avoided being suppressed because the monarchy has consistently been at least four years behind in paying its soldiers. Instead of that, the new habit is not paying at all, except in empty promises and patriotic flattery that don’t work well with the strict martial law like that of Prussia. Therefore, Napoleon has approached the Alps leading a group of men who are broke, in rags, and not very willing to accept much discipline, especially from someone like him who has just risen to general. This situation, which would have caused problems for a more idealistic soldier, has proven to be a huge advantage for Napoleon. He tells his army, "You have patriotism and courage, but you lack money, clothes, and decent food. In Italy, there are all these rewards, plus glory, waiting for a devoted army led by a general who believes that plunder is a soldier's right. I am that kind of general. Forward, my children!" The outcome proves him right. The army conquers Italy as easily as locusts would swarm over Cyprus. They fight all day and march all night, covering impossible distances and showing up in unbelievable locations, not because every soldier is carrying a field marshal’s baton in his pack, but because they hope to bring home at least half a dozen silver forks the next day.

It must be understood, by the way, that the French army does not make war on the Italians. It is there to rescue them from the tyranny of their Austrian conquerors, and confer republican institutions on them; so that in incidentally looting them, it merely makes free with the property of its friends, who ought to be grateful to it, and perhaps would be if ingratitude were not the proverbial failing of their country. The Austrians, whom it fights, are a thoroughly respectable regular army, well disciplined, commanded by gentlemen trained and versed in the art of war: at the head of them Beaulieu, practising the classic art of war under orders from Vienna, and getting horribly beaten by Napoleon, who acts on his own responsibility in defiance of professional precedents or orders from Paris. Even when the Austrians win a battle, all that is necessary is to wait until their routine obliges them to return to their quarters for afternoon tea, so to speak, and win it back again from them: a course pursued later on with brilliant success at Marengo. On the whole, with his foe handicapped by Austrian statesmanship, classic generalship, and the exigencies of the aristocratic social structure of Viennese society, Napoleon finds it possible to be irresistible without working heroic miracles. The world, however, likes miracles and heroes, and is quite incapable of conceiving the action of such forces as academic militarism or Viennese drawing-roomism. Hence it has already begun to manufacture "L'Empereur," and thus to make it difficult for the romanticists of a hundred years later to credit the little scene now in question at Tavazzano as aforesaid.

It should be noted that the French army isn’t fighting the Italians. Its purpose is to free them from the tyranny of their Austrian conquerors and to establish republican institutions for them. So in the process of occasionally looting their possessions, it’s just helping itself to the property of its allies, who should be grateful, and might be if ingratitude wasn’t such a common trait in their country. The Austrians, whom the French are battling, are a well-respected regular army, well-disciplined and led by gentlemen trained in the art of war: at their head, Beaulieu, following classic military strategies from Vienna, but suffering terrible defeats at the hands of Napoleon, who takes charge and acts independently, ignoring traditional protocols or orders from Paris. Even when the Austrians win a battle, all it takes is to wait until they have to return to their quarters for something like afternoon tea and then reclaim the victory from them: a tactic that later proved successful at Marengo. Overall, with his enemy hindered by Austrian politics, conventional military strategy, and the demands of the aristocratic social hierarchy of Vienna, Napoleon is able to achieve victories without needing to perform miraculous feats. The world, however, craves miracles and heroes, struggling to understand forces like academic militarism or Viennese high society. As a result, it has already begun to create the concept of "L'Empereur," making it harder for romanticists a hundred years later to believe the little scene that took place at Tavazzano as described.

The best quarters at Tavazzano are at a little inn, the first house reached by travellers passing through the place from Milan to Lodi. It stands in a vineyard; and its principal room, a pleasant refuge from the summer heat, is open so widely at the back to this vineyard that it is almost a large veranda. The bolder children, much excited by the alarums and excursions of the past few days, and by an irruption of French troops at six o'clock, know that the French commander has quartered himself in this room, and are divided between a craving to peep in at the front windows and a mortal terror of the sentinel, a young gentleman-soldier, who, having no natural moustache, has had a most ferocious one painted on his face with boot blacking by his sergeant. As his heavy uniform, like all the uniforms of that day, is designed for parade without the least reference to his health or comfort, he perspires profusely in the sun; and his painted moustache has run in little streaks down his chin and round his neck except where it has dried in stiff japanned flakes, and had its sweeping outline chipped off in grotesque little bays and headlands, making him unspeakably ridiculous in the eye of History a hundred years later, but monstrous and horrible to the contemporary north Italian infant, to whom nothing would seem more natural than that he should relieve the monotony of his guard by pitchforking a stray child up on his bayonet, and eating it uncooked. Nevertheless one girl of bad character, in whom an instinct of privilege with soldiers is already dawning, does peep in at the safest window for a moment, before a glance and a clink from the sentinel sends her flying. Most of what she sees she has seen before: the vineyard at the back, with the old winepress and a cart among the vines; the door close down on her right leading to the inn entry; the landlord's best sideboard, now in full action for dinner, further back on the same side; the fireplace on the other side, with a couch near it, and another door, leading to the inner rooms, between it and the vineyard; and the table in the middle with its repast of Milanese risotto, cheese, grapes, bread, olives, and a big wickered flask of red wine.

The best place to stay in Tavazzano is a small inn, the first building travelers encounter when coming from Milan to Lodi. It’s set in a vineyard, and its main room, a nice escape from the summer heat, opens up so much to the vineyard that it’s almost like a large porch. The bolder kids, excited by the commotion of the last few days and the arrival of French troops at six o'clock, know that the French commander is staying in this room. They’re torn between wanting to sneak a look through the front windows and being terrified of the guard, a young soldier who, without a real moustache, has had a very fierce one painted on his face with boot blacking by his sergeant. His heavy uniform, like all the others of that time, is meant for show rather than comfort, so he sweats a lot in the sun. The painted moustache has streaked down his chin and neck, except in places where it dried in stiff clumps, creating a ridiculous look that will seem laughable to future generations, but to the local kids, he appears monstrous and frightening. They think it wouldn’t be surprising if he decided to entertain himself by spearing a stray child on his bayonet. However, one girl with a dubious reputation, who is beginning to sense that soldiers might be more accommodating, peeks in through the safest window for a moment before a warning glance and a clink from the sentinel scare her away. Most of what she sees, she’s seen before: the vineyard in the back, with the old winepress and a cart among the vines; the door to the inn’s entry on her right; the landlord’s best sideboard, now set for dinner, further back on the same side; the fireplace across from her, with a couch nearby and another door that leads to the inner rooms, nestled between it and the vineyard; and the table in the center with its spread of Milanese risotto, cheese, grapes, bread, olives, and a large wicker flask of red wine.

The landlord, Giuseppe Grandi, is also no novelty. He is a swarthy, vivacious, shrewdly cheerful, black-curled, bullet headed, grinning little man of 40. Naturally an excellent host, he is in quite special spirits this evening at his good fortune in having the French commander as his guest to protect him against the license of the troops, and actually sports a pair of gold earrings which he would otherwise have hidden carefully under the winepress with his little equipment of silver plate.

The landlord, Giuseppe Grandi, is nothing new. He’s a dark-skinned, lively, cleverly cheerful, black-curled, bullet-headed, grinning little man of 40. Naturally a great host, he’s in especially good spirits this evening because he has the French commander as his guest, which protects him from the troops’ unruliness. He even shows off a pair of gold earrings that he normally would have hidden away under the winepress with his small collection of silverware.

Napoleon, sitting facing her on the further side of the table, and Napoleon's hat, sword and riding whip lying on the couch, she sees for the first time. He is working hard, partly at his meal, which he has discovered how to dispatch, by attacking all the courses simultaneously, in ten minutes (this practice is the beginning of his downfall), and partly at a map which he is correcting from memory, occasionally marking the position of the forces by taking a grapeskin from his mouth and planting it on the map with his thumb like a wafer. He has a supply of writing materials before him mixed up in disorder with the dishes and cruets; and his long hair gets sometimes into the risotto gravy and sometimes into the ink.

Napoleon, sitting across from her at the far side of the table, and Napoleon's hat, sword, and riding whip resting on the couch, she sees for the first time. He’s focused, partly on his meal, which he manages to power through by tackling all the courses at once in ten minutes (this habit marks the beginning of his downfall), and partly on a map he’s correcting from memory, occasionally marking the positions of his troops by popping a grapeskin from his mouth and sticking it on the map with his thumb like a stamp. He has a mess of writing materials in front of him, mixed up with dishes and bottles; his long hair sometimes dips into the risotto gravy and sometimes into the ink.

GIUSEPPE. Will your excellency—

GIUSEPPE. Will you, your excellency—

NAPOLEON (intent on his map, but cramming himself mechanically with his left hand). Don't talk. I'm busy.

NAPOLEON (focused on his map, but reflexively stuffing his face with food using his left hand). Don't talk. I'm busy.

GIUSEPPE (with perfect goodhumor). Excellency: I obey.

GIUSEPPE (in a cheerful tone). Your Excellency: I will comply.

NAPOLEON. Some red ink.

NAPOLEON. Some red ink.

GIUSEPPE. Alas! excellency, there is none.

GIUSEPPE. Unfortunately, your excellency, there isn't any.

NAPOLEON (with Corsican facetiousness). Kill something and bring me its blood.

NAPOLEON (with a Corsican sense of humor). Kill something and bring me its blood.

GIUSEPPE (grinning). There is nothing but your excellency's horse, the sentinel, the lady upstairs, and my wife.

GIUSEPPE (grinning). There's nothing here except for your excellency's horse, the guard, the lady upstairs, and my wife.

NAPOLEON. Kill your wife.

NAPOLEON. Murder your wife.

GIUSEPPE. Willingly, your excellency; but unhappily I am not strong enough. She would kill me.

GIUSEPPE. Sure thing, your excellency; but unfortunately, I’m not strong enough. She would wipe me out.

NAPOLEON. That will do equally well.

NAPOLEON. That works just as well.

GIUSEPPE. Your excellency does me too much honor. (Stretching his hand toward the flask.) Perhaps some wine will answer your excellency's purpose.

GIUSEPPE. You honor me too much, your excellency. (Reaching for the flask.) Perhaps some wine would serve your excellency's purpose.

NAPOLEON (hastily protecting the flask, and becoming quite serious). Wine! No: that would be waste. You are all the same: waste! waste! waste! (He marks the map with gravy, using his fork as a pen.) Clear away. (He finishes his wine; pushes back his chair; and uses his napkin, stretching his legs and leaning back, but still frowning and thinking.)

NAPOLEON (quickly covering the flask and getting serious). Wine! No: that would be a waste. You’re all the same: waste! waste! waste! (He marks the map with gravy, using his fork like a pen.) Clear it away. (He finishes his wine; pushes back his chair; and uses his napkin, stretching his legs and leaning back, but still frowning and deep in thought.)

GIUSEPPE (clearing the table and removing the things to a tray on the sideboard). Every man to his trade, excellency. We innkeepers have plenty of cheap wine: we think nothing of spilling it. You great generals have plenty of cheap blood: you think nothing of spilling it. Is it not so, excellency?

GIUSEPPE (clearing the table and putting everything on a tray on the sideboard). Every man has his job, excellency. We innkeepers have lots of inexpensive wine: we don't mind spilling it. You great generals have lots of cheap blood: you don’t think twice about spilling it. Isn’t that right, excellency?

NAPOLEON. Blood costs nothing: wine costs money. (He rises and goes to the fireplace. )

NAPOLEON. Blood doesn't cost a thing: wine costs money. (He stands up and walks to the fireplace.)

GIUSEPPE. They say you are careful of everything except human life, excellency.

GIUSEPPE. They say you take care of everything except for human life, sir.

NAPOLEON. Human life, my friend, is the only thing that takes care of itself. (He throws himself at his ease on the couch.)

NAPOLEON. Human life, my friend, is the only thing that manages to take care of itself. (He settles comfortably onto the couch.)

GIUSEPPE (admiring him). Ah, excellency, what fools we all are beside you! If I could only find out the secret of your success!

GIUSEPPE (admiring him). Ah, your excellence, how foolish we all seem next to you! If only I could discover the secret to your success!

NAPOLEON. You would make yourself Emperor of Italy, eh?

NAPOLEON. So you want to make yourself Emperor of Italy, huh?

GIUSEPPE. Too troublesome, excellency: I leave all that to you. Besides, what would become of my inn if I were Emperor? See how you enjoy looking on at me whilst I keep the inn for you and wait on you! Well, I shall enjoy looking on at you whilst you become Emperor of Europe, and govern the country for me. (Whilst he chatters, he takes the cloth off without removing the map and inkstand, and takes the corners in his hands and the middle of the edge in his mouth, to fold it up.)

GIUSEPPE. That's too much trouble, your excellency: I’ll leave all that to you. Besides, what would happen to my inn if I were Emperor? Just look at how much you enjoy watching me while I run the inn for you and serve you! Well, I’ll enjoy watching you while you become Emperor of Europe and govern the country for me. (As he talks, he removes the cloth without taking off the map and inkstand, grabbing the corners with his hands and the middle of the edge in his mouth to fold it up.)

NAPOLEON. Emperor of Europe, eh? Why only Europe?

NAPOLEON. Emperor of Europe, huh? Why just Europe?

GIUSEPPE. Why, indeed? Emperor of the world, excellency! Why not? (He folds and rolls up the cloth, emphasizing his phrases by the steps of the process.) One man is like another (fold): one country is like another (fold): one battle is like another. (At the last fold, he slaps the cloth on the table and deftly rolls it up, adding, by way of peroration) Conquer one: conquer all. (He takes the cloth to the sideboard, and puts it in a drawer.)

GIUSEPPE. Why not, really? Emperor of the world, your excellency! (He folds and rolls up the cloth, emphasizing his points with each step of the process.) One person is just like another (fold): one country is just like another (fold): one battle is just like another. (At the last fold, he slaps the cloth on the table and skillfully rolls it up, adding, as a final statement) Defeat one: defeat them all. (He takes the cloth to the sideboard and puts it in a drawer.)

NAPOLEON. And govern for all; fight for all; be everybody's servant under cover of being everybody's master: Giuseppe.

NAPOLEON. And lead for everyone; fight for everyone; be everyone’s servant while pretending to be everyone’s master: Giuseppe.

GIUSEPPE (at the sideboard). Excellency.

GIUSEPPE (at the sideboard). Your Excellency.

NAPOLEON. I forbid you to talk to me about myself.

NAPOLEON. I don't want to hear you talk about me.

GIUSEPPE (coming to the foot of the couch). Pardon. Your excellency is so unlike other great men. It is the subject they like best.

GIUSEPPE (coming to the foot of the couch). Excuse me. You're so different from other great men. They usually love that topic the most.

NAPOLEON. Well, talk to me about the subject they like next best, whatever that may be.

NAPOLEON. Alright, tell me about the topic they prefer to discuss next, whatever that is.

GIUSEPPE (unabashed). Willingly, your excellency. Has your excellency by any chance caught a glimpse of the lady upstairs?

GIUSEPPE (unashamed). Of course, your excellency. Have you by any chance seen the lady upstairs?

(Napoleon promptly sits up and looks at him with an interest which entirely justifies the implied epigram.)

(Napoleon quickly sits up and gazes at him with an interest that completely justifies the implied saying.)

NAPOLEON. How old is she?

NAPOLEON. How old is she now?

GIUSEPPE. The right age, excellency.

GIUSEPPE. The right age, sir.

NAPOLEON. Do you mean seventeen or thirty?

NAPOLEON. Are you talking about seventeen or thirty?

GIUSEPPE. Thirty, excellency.

GIUSEPPE. Thirty, Your Excellency.

NAPOLEON. Goodlooking?

Napoleon. Attractive?

GIUSEPPE. I cannot see with your excellency's eyes: every man must judge that for himself. In my opinion, excellency, a fine figure of a lady. (Slyly.) Shall I lay the table for her collation here?

GIUSEPPE. I can't see things the way you do, your excellency: everyone has to make that judgment for themselves. In my opinion, your excellency, she's quite a woman. (Slyly.) Should I set up the table for her meal right here?

NAPOLEON (brusquely, rising). No: lay nothing here until the officer for whom I am waiting comes back. (He looks at his watch, and takes to walking to and fro between the fireplace and the vineyard.)

NAPOLEON (abruptly, standing up). No: don’t put anything here until the officer I’m waiting for returns. (He checks his watch and starts pacing back and forth between the fireplace and the vineyard.)

GIUSEPPE (with conviction). Excellency: believe me, he has been captured by the accursed Austrians. He dare not keep you waiting if he were at liberty.

GIUSEPPE (with conviction). Your Excellency: trust me, he has been captured by those cursed Austrians. He wouldn't dare keep you waiting if he were free.

NAPOLEON (turning at the edge of the shadow of the veranda). Giuseppe: if that turns out to be true, it will put me into such a temper that nothing short of hanging you and your whole household, including the lady upstairs, will satisfy me.

NAPOLEON (turning at the edge of the shadow of the veranda). Giuseppe: if that turns out to be true, it will make me so mad that nothing less than hanging you and your entire family, including the lady upstairs, will satisfy me.

GIUSEPPE. We are all cheerfully at your excellency's disposal, except the lady. I cannot answer for her; but no lady could resist you, General.

GIUSEPPE. We're all happily at your service, Your Excellency, except for the lady. I can't speak for her; but no woman could resist you, General.

NAPOLEON (sourly, resuming his march). Hm! You will never be hanged. There is no satisfaction in hanging a man who does not object to it.

NAPOLEON (sourly, resuming his march). Hm! You’ll never be hanged. There’s no satisfaction in hanging someone who doesn’t mind it.

GIUSEPPE (sympathetically). Not the least in the world, excellency: is there? (Napoleon again looks at his watch, evidently growing anxious.) Ah, one can see that you are a great man, General: you know how to wait. If it were a corporal now, or a sub-lieutenant, at the end of three minutes he would be swearing, fuming, threatening, pulling the house about our ears.

GIUSEPPE (sympathetically). Not at all, Your Excellency: is there? (Napoleon looks at his watch again, clearly getting anxious.) Ah, it’s clear that you’re a great man, General: you know how to wait. If it were a corporal or a sub-lieutenant, after three minutes, they would be swearing, fuming, threatening, pulling the house down around us.

NAPOLEON. Giuseppe: your flatteries are insufferable. Go and talk outside. (He sits down again at the table, with his jaws in his hands, and his elbows propped on the map, poring over it with a troubled expression.)

NAPOLEON. Giuseppe: your flattery is unbearable. Go talk outside. (He sits back down at the table, resting his chin on his hands, with his elbows on the map, looking over it with a worried expression.)

GIUSEPPE. Willingly, your excellency. You shall not be disturbed. (He takes up the tray and prepares to withdraw.)

GIUSEPPE. Of course, your excellency. You won’t be disturbed. (He picks up the tray and gets ready to leave.)

NAPOLEON. The moment he comes back, send him to me.

NAPOLEON. As soon as he gets back, send him to me.

GIUSEPPE. Instantaneously, your excellency.

Sure thing, your excellency.

A LADY'S VOICE (calling from some distant part of the inn). Giusep-pe! (The voice is very musical, and the two final notes make an ascending interval.)

A LADY'S VOICE (calling from somewhere in the inn). Giusep-pe! (The voice is very melodic, and the last two notes create an upward interval.)

NAPOLEON (startled). What's that? What's that?

NAPOLEON (startled). What’s going on? What’s happening?

GIUSEPPE (resting the end of his tray on the table and leaning over to speak the more confidentially). The lady, excellency.

GIUSEPPE (resting the end of his tray on the table and leaning over to speak more confidentially). The lady, Your Excellency.

NAPOLEON (absently). Yes. What lady? Whose lady?

NAPOLEON (absently). Yeah. What woman? Whose woman?

GIUSEPPE. The strange lady, excellency.

GIUSEPPE. The unusual lady, your honor.

NAPOLEON. What strange lady?

NAPOLEON. Which strange lady?

GIUSEPPE (with a shrug). Who knows? She arrived here half an hour before you in a hired carriage belonging to the Golden Eagle at Borghetto. Actually by herself, excellency. No servants. A dressing bag and a trunk: that is all. The postillion says she left a horse—a charger, with military trappings, at the Golden Eagle.

GIUSEPPE (with a shrug). Who knows? She got here half an hour before you in a hired carriage from the Golden Eagle at Borghetto. Actually all alone, sir. No servants. Just a dressing bag and a trunk—that's it. The driver says she left a horse—a charger, with military gear, at the Golden Eagle.

NAPOLEON. A woman with a charger! That's extraordinary.

NAPOLEON. A woman with a horse! That's incredible.

THE LADY'S VOICE (the two final notes now making a peremptory descending interval). Giuseppe!

THE LADY'S VOICE (the two final notes now creating an insistent descending interval). Giuseppe!

NAPOLEON (rising to listen). That's an interesting voice.

NAPOLEON (rising to listen). That's an intriguing voice.

GIUSEPPE. She is an interesting lady, excellency. (Calling.) Coming, lady, coming. (He makes for the inner door.)

GIUSEPPE. She's an interesting lady, Your Excellency. (Calling.) Coming, lady, coming. (He heads toward the inner door.)

NAPOLEON (arresting him with a strong hand on his shoulder). Stop. Let her come.

NAPOLEON (holding him firmly by the shoulder). Wait. Let her come.

VOICE. Giuseppe!! (Impatiently.)

Giuseppe!! (Impatiently.)

GIUSEPPE (pleadingly). Let me go, excellency. It is my point of honor as an innkeeper to come when I am called. I appeal to you as a soldier.

GIUSEPPE (pleadingly). Please let me go, your excellency. It's my duty as an innkeeper to respond when I'm called. I urge you as a fellow soldier.

A MAN's VOICE (outside, at the inn door, shouting). Here, someone. Hello! Landlord. Where are you? (Somebody raps vigorously with a whip handle on a bench in the passage.)

A MAN's VOICE (outside, at the inn door, shouting). Hey, someone! Hello! Landlord. Where are you? (Someone bangs loudly with a whip handle on a bench in the hallway.)

NAPOLEON (suddenly becoming the commanding officer again and throwing Giuseppe off). There he is at last. (Pointing to the inner door.) Go. Attend to your business: the lady is calling you. (He goes to the fireplace and stands with his back to it with a determined military air.)

NAPOLEON (suddenly taking charge again and shoving Giuseppe aside). There he is at last. (Pointing to the inner door.) Go. Handle your responsibilities: the lady is calling you. (He moves to the fireplace and stands with his back to it, exuding a determined military presence.)

GIUSEPPE (with bated breath, snatching up his tray). Certainly, excellency. (He hurries out by the inner door.)

GIUSEPPE (breathless, grabbing his tray). Of course, your excellency. (He rushes out through the inner door.)

THE MAN's VOICE (impatiently). Are you all asleep here? (The door opposite the fireplace is kicked rudely open; and a dusty sub-lieutenant bursts into the room. He is a chuckle-headed young man of 24, with the fair, delicate, clear skin of a man of rank, and a self-assurance on that ground which the French Revolution has failed to shake in the smallest degree. He has a thick silly lip, an eager credulous eye, an obstinate nose, and a loud confident voice. A young man without fear, without reverence, without imagination, without sense, hopelessly insusceptible to the Napoleonic or any other idea, stupendously egotistical, eminently qualified to rush in where angels fear to tread, yet of a vigorous babbling vitality which bustles him into the thick of things. He is just now boiling with vexation, attributable by a superficial observer to his impatience at not being promptly attended to by the staff of the inn, but in which a more discerning eye can perceive a certain moral depth, indicating a more permanent and momentous grievance. On seeing Napoleon, he is sufficiently taken aback to check himself and salute; but he does not betray by his manner any of that prophetic consciousness of Marengo and Austerlitz, Waterloo and St. Helena, or the Napoleonic pictures of Delaroche and Meissonier, which modern culture will instinctively expect from him.)

THE MAN's VOICE (impatiently). Are you all asleep here? (The door across from the fireplace is kicked open, and a dusty sub-lieutenant storms into the room. He’s a simple-minded young man, 24 years old, with the fair, delicate skin typical of someone from a high status, and a self-confidence that the French Revolution hasn’t shaken at all. He has a thick silly lip, an eager, gullible look in his eyes, an obstinate nose, and a loud, confident voice. He’s a young man who fears nothing, shows no respect, lacks imagination and common sense, and is completely oblivious to Napoleon or any other idea, excessively self-centered, and perfectly suited to dive into situations where others might hesitate. He’s currently boiling with frustration, which a casual observer might attribute to his impatience with the inn staff, but a more perceptive person would recognize a deeper, more significant grievance. Upon seeing Napoleon, he’s surprised enough to stop and salute; however, he doesn’t show any sign of the prophetic awareness of Marengo and Austerlitz, Waterloo and St. Helena, or the Napoleonic paintings by Delaroche and Meissonier that modern culture would expect from someone like him.)

NAPOLEON (sharply). Well, sir, here you are at last. Your instructions were that I should arrive here at six, and that I was to find you waiting for me with my mail from Paris and with despatches. It is now twenty minutes to eight. You were sent on this service as a hard rider with the fastest horse in the camp. You arrive a hundred minutes late, on foot. Where is your horse!

NAPOLEON (sharply). Well, here you are at last. You were supposed to be here at six, waiting for me with my mail from Paris and my dispatches. It's now twenty minutes to eight. You were sent on this task as a fast rider with the best horse in the camp. You're a hundred minutes late, and you show up on foot. Where's your horse?

THE LIEUTENANT (moodily pulling off his gloves and dashing them with his cap and whip on the table). Ah! where indeed? That's just what I should like to know, General. (With emotion.) You don't know how fond I was of that horse.

THE LIEUTENANT (moodily taking off his gloves and throwing them with his cap and whip on the table). Ah! Where exactly? That's what I really want to know, General. (With emotion.) You have no idea how much I loved that horse.

NAPOLEON (angrily sarcastic). Indeed! (With sudden misgiving.) Where are the letters and despatches?

NAPOLEON (angrily sarcastic). Really! (With sudden doubt.) Where are the letters and messages?

THE LIEUTENANT (importantly, rather pleased than otherwise at having some remarkable news). I don't know.

THE LIEUTENANT (significantly, more pleased than not at having some noteworthy news). I don't know.

NAPOLEON (unable to believe his ears). You don't know!

NAPOLEON (in disbelief). You really don't know!

LIEUTENANT. No more than you do, General. Now I suppose I shall be court-martialled. Well, I don't mind being court-martialled; but (with solemn determination) I tell you, General, if ever I catch that innocent looking youth, I'll spoil his beauty, the slimy little liar! I'll make a picture of him. I'll—

LIEUTENANT. Not any more than you do, General. Now I guess I’ll be court-martialed. Well, I don’t mind facing a court-martial; but (with serious determination) I’m telling you, General, if I ever catch that seemingly innocent kid, I’ll ruin his looks, that sneaky little liar! I’ll make sure to teach him a lesson. I’ll—

NAPOLEON (advancing from the hearth to the table). What innocent looking youth? Pull yourself together, sir, will you; and give an account of yourself.

NAPOLEON (walking from the fireplace to the table). What innocent-looking young man? Get a grip, will you, and tell me about yourself.

LIEUTENANT (facing him at the opposite side of the table, leaning on it with his fists). Oh, I'm all right, General: I'm perfectly ready to give an account of myself. I shall make the court-martial thoroughly understand that the fault was not mine. Advantage has been taken of the better side of my nature; and I'm not ashamed of it. But with all respect to you as my commanding officer, General, I say again that if ever I set eyes on that son of Satan, I'll—

LIEUTENANT (facing him at the opposite side of the table, leaning on it with his fists). Oh, I'm fine, General: I'm completely ready to explain myself. I’ll make sure the court-martial knows that it wasn’t my fault. People took advantage of my better nature, and I’m not ashamed of that. But with all due respect to you as my commanding officer, General, I’ll say it again: if I ever see that son of a b****, I’ll—

NAPOLEON (angrily). So you said before.

NAPOLEON (angrily). That’s what you said earlier.

LIEUTENANT (drawing himself upright). I say it again, just wait until I catch him. Just wait: that's all. (He folds his arms resolutely, and breathes hard, with compressed lips.)

LIEUTENANT (standing tall). I'm saying it again, just wait until I get my hands on him. Just wait: that's all. (He crosses his arms firmly and breathes heavily, with his lips tight.)

NAPOLEON. I AM waiting, sir—for your explanation.

NAPOLEON. I'm waiting, sir—for your explanation.

LIEUTENANT (confidently). You'll change your tone, General, when you hear what has happened to me.

LIEUTENANT (confidently). You'll change your attitude, General, when you hear what happened to me.

NAPOLEON. Nothing has happened to you, sir: you are alive and not disabled. Where are the papers entrusted to you?

NAPOLEON. Nothing has happened to you, sir: you're alive and not hurt. Where are the papers you were supposed to handle?

LIEUTENANT. Nothing! Nothing!! Oho! Well, we'll see. (Posing himself to overwhelm Napoleon with his news.) He swore eternal brotherhood with me. Was that nothing? He said my eyes reminded him of his sister's eyes. Was that nothing? He cried—actually cried—over the story of my separation from Angelica. Was that nothing? He paid for both bottles of wine, though he only ate bread and grapes himself. Perhaps you call that nothing! He gave me his pistols and his horse and his despatches—most important despatches—and let me go away with them. (Triumphantly, seeing that he has reduced Napoleon to blank stupefaction.) Was THAT nothing?

LIEUTENANT. Nothing! Nothing!! Oh really! Well, we’ll see. (Getting ready to shock Napoleon with his news.) He promised me eternal brotherhood. Was that nothing? He said my eyes reminded him of his sister's. Was that nothing? He actually cried over the story of my separation from Angelica. Was that nothing? He paid for both bottles of wine, even though he only had bread and grapes himself. Maybe you think that's nothing! He gave me his pistols, his horse, and his important dispatches—and let me leave with them. (Triumphantly, noticing that he has left Napoleon completely stunned.) Was THAT nothing?

NAPOLEON (enfeebled by astonishment). What did he do that for?

NAPOLEON (weakened by shock). Why did he do that?

LIEUTENANT (as if the reason were obvious). To show his confidence in me. (Napoleon's jaw does not exactly drop; but its hinges become nerveless. The Lieutenant proceeds with honest indignation.) And I was worthy of his confidence: I brought them all back honorably. But would you believe it?—when I trusted him with MY pistols, and MY horse, and MY despatches—

LIEUTENANT (as if the reason were obvious). To show he trusts me. (Napoleon's jaw doesn't exactly drop, but it gets slack. The Lieutenant continues with genuine anger.) And I was worthy of that trust: I brought everyone back safely. But can you believe it?—when I let him use MY pistols, and MY horse, and MY messages—

NAPOLEON (enraged). What the devil did you do that for?

NAPOLEON (furious). What on earth did you do that for?

LIEUTENANT. Why, to show my confidence in him, of course. And he betrayed it—abused it—never came back. The thief! the swindler! the heartless, treacherous little blackguard! You call that nothing, I suppose. But look here, General: (again resorting to the table with his fist for greater emphasis) YOU may put up with this outrage from the Austrians if you like; but speaking for myself personally, I tell you that if ever I catch—

LIEUTENANT. Well, to show my trust in him, obviously. And he let me down—took advantage of it—never returned. The thief! The con artist! The heartless, deceitful little jerk! You probably think that's no big deal. But listen, General: (pounding the table with his fist for added emphasis) YOU might tolerate this insult from the Austrians if you want; but as for me personally, I’m telling you that if I ever catch—

NAPOLEON (turning on his heel in disgust and irritably resuming his march to and fro). Yes: you have said that more than once already.

NAPOLEON (turning on his heel in disgust and irritably pacing back and forth). Yes, you've mentioned that more than once already.

LIEUTENANT (excitedly). More than once! I'll say it fifty times; and what's more, I'll do it. You'll see, General. I'll show my confidence in him, so I will. I'll—

LIEUTENANT (excitedly). More than once! I'll say it fifty times; and what's more, I'll do it. You'll see, General. I'll show my confidence in him, I will. I'll—

NAPOLEON. Yes, yes, sir: no doubt you will. What kind of man was he?

NAPOLEON. Yeah, yeah, sir: I'm sure you will. What kind of guy was he?

LIEUTENANT. Well, I should think you ought to be able to tell from his conduct the sort of man he was.

LIEUTENANT. Well, I think you should be able to tell from his behavior what kind of man he was.

NAPOLEON. Psh! What was he like?

NAPOLEON. Psh! What was he like?

LIEUTENANT. Like! He's like—well, you ought to have just seen the fellow: that will give you a notion of what he was like. He won't be like it five minutes after I catch him; for I tell you that if ever—

LIEUTENANT. I mean, he's just—well, you should have seen him: that’ll give you an idea of what he’s like. He won’t be like that for five minutes after I get my hands on him; because I tell you that if ever—

NAPOLEON (shouting furiously for the innkeeper). Giuseppe! (To the Lieutenant, out of all patience.) Hold your tongue, sir, if you can.

NAPOLEON (shouting angrily for the innkeeper). Giuseppe! (To the Lieutenant, completely fed up.) Be quiet, if you can.

LIEUTENANT. I warn you it's no use to try to put the blame on me. (Plaintively.) How was I to know the sort of fellow he was? (He takes a chair from between the sideboard and the outer door; places it near the table; and sits down.) If you only knew how hungry and tired I am, you'd have more consideration.

LIEUTENANT. I’m telling you, trying to blame me won’t help. (With a sad tone.) How was I supposed to know what kind of guy he was? (He takes a chair from between the sideboard and the outer door, moves it closer to the table, and sits down.) If you knew how hungry and tired I am, you’d be more understanding.

GIUSEPPE (returning). What is it, excellency?

GIUSEPPE (returning). What is it, your excellency?

NAPOLEON (struggling with his temper). Take this—this officer. Feed him; and put him to bed, if necessary. When he is in his right mind again, find out what has happened to him and bring me word. (To the Lieutenant.) Consider yourself under arrest, sir.

NAPOLEON (struggling with his temper). Take this—this officer. Feed him, and put him to bed if necessary. When he’s in his right mind again, find out what happened to him and let me know. (To the Lieutenant.) You’re under arrest, sir.

LIEUTENANT (with sulky stiffness). I was prepared for that. It takes a gentleman to understand a gentleman. (He throws his sword on the table. Giuseppe takes it up and politely offers it to Napoleon, who throws it violently on the couch.)

LIEUTENANT (with a sulky stiffness). I expected that. It takes a gentleman to understand another gentleman. (He tosses his sword onto the table. Giuseppe picks it up and courteously offers it to Napoleon, who angrily throws it onto the couch.)

GIUSEPPE (with sympathetic concern). Have you been attacked by the Austrians, lieutenant? Dear, dear, dear!

GIUSEPPE (with sympathetic concern). Have the Austrians attacked you, lieutenant? Oh no, oh no!

LIEUTENANT (contemptuously). Attacked! I could have broken his back between my finger and thumb. I wish I had, now. No: it was by appealing to the better side of my nature: that's what I can't get over. He said he'd never met a man he liked so much as me. He put his handkerchief round my neck because a gnat bit me, and my stock was chafing it. Look! (He pulls a handkerchief from his stock. Giuseppe takes it and examines it.)

LIEUTENANT (with disdain). Attacked? I could have crushed him easily. I wish I had done it now. No, instead I tried to appeal to my better nature, and that's what I can't shake off. He told me he’d never met anyone he liked as much as me. He even tied his handkerchief around my neck because a gnat bit me and my collar was rubbing it raw. Look! (He pulls a handkerchief from his collar. Giuseppe takes it and examines it.)

GIUSEPPE (to Napoleon). A lady's handkerchief, excellency. (He smells it.) Perfumed!

GIUSEPPE (to Napoleon). A lady's handkerchief, sir. (He smells it.) It’s scented!

NAPOLEON. Eh? (He takes it and looks at it attentively.) Hm! (He smells it.) Ha! (He walks thoughtfully across the room, looking at the handkerchief, which he finally sticks in the breast of his coat.)

NAPOLEON. Huh? (He takes it and examines it closely.) Hm! (He sniffs it.) Ha! (He walks thoughtfully around the room, looking at the handkerchief, which he ultimately tucks into the pocket of his coat.)

LIEUTENANT. Good enough for him, anyhow. I noticed that he had a woman's hands when he touched my neck, with his coaxing, fawning ways, the mean, effeminate little hound. (Lowering his voice with thrilling intensity.) But mark my words, General. If ever—

LIEUTENANT. That's good enough for him, anyway. I noticed he had delicate hands when he touched my neck, with his smooth, flattering ways, the pathetic, weak little creep. (Lowering his voice with intense seriousness.) But remember what I’m saying, General. If ever—

THE LADY'S VOICE (outside, as before). Giuseppe!

THE LADY'S VOICE (outside, as before). Giuseppe!

LIEUTENANT (petrified). What was that?

LIEUTENANT (terrified). What was that?

GIUSEPPE. Only a lady upstairs, lieutenant, calling me.

GIUSEPPE. Just a lady upstairs, lieutenant, asking for me.

LIEUTENANT. Lady!

Lieutenant. Ma'am!

VOICE. Giuseppe, Giuseppe: where ARE you?

VOICE. Giuseppe, Giuseppe: where are you?

LIEUTENANT (murderously). Give me that sword. (He strides to the couch; snatches the sword; and draws it.)

LIEUTENANT (furiously). Hand me that sword. (He walks over to the couch; grabs the sword; and pulls it out.)

GIUSEPPE (rushing forward and seizing his right arm.) What are you thinking of, lieutenant? It's a lady: don't you hear that it's a woman's voice?

GIUSEPPE (rushing forward and grabbing his right arm.) What are you thinking, lieutenant? It's a lady: can't you hear that it's a woman's voice?

LIEUTENANT. It's HIS voice, I tell you. Let me go. (He breaks away, and rushes to the inner door. It opens in his face; and the Strange Lady steps in. She is a very attractive lady, tall and extraordinarily graceful, with a delicately intelligent, apprehensive, questioning face—perception in the brow, sensitiveness in the nostrils, character in the chin: all keen, refined, and original. She is very feminine, but by no means weak: the lithe, tender figure is hung on a strong frame: the hands and feet, neck and shoulders, are no fragile ornaments, but of full size in proportion to her stature, which considerably exceeds that of Napoleon and the innkeeper, and leaves her at no disadvantage with the lieutenant. Only her elegance and radiant charm keep the secret of her size and strength. She is not, judging by her dress, an admirer of the latest fashions of the Directory; or perhaps she uses up her old dresses for travelling. At all events she wears no jacket with extravagant lappels, no Greco-Tallien sham chiton, nothing, indeed, that the Princesse de Lamballe might not have worn. Her dress of flowered silk is long waisted, with a Watteau pleat behind, but with the paniers reduced to mere rudiments, as she is too tall for them. It is cut low in the neck, where it is eked out by a creamy fichu. She is fair, with golden brown hair and grey eyes.)

LIEUTENANT. It's HIS voice, I swear. Let me go. (He breaks free and rushes to the inner door. It swings open in front of him, and the Strange Lady steps inside. She is a very attractive woman, tall and exceptionally graceful, with a delicate, intelligent, and curious face—perception in her brow, sensitivity in her nostrils, and strong character in her chin: all sharp, refined, and distinctive. She is very feminine but not at all weak: her slender, gentle figure is supported by a strong frame; her hands, feet, neck, and shoulders are proportionate to her height, which is significantly taller than both Napoleon and the innkeeper, putting her on equal footing with the lieutenant. Only her elegance and radiant charm conceal her size and strength. Judging by her outfit, she doesn't seem to follow the latest styles of the Directory; perhaps she just travels in her old dresses. In any case, she isn’t wearing a jacket with oversized lapels or a Greco-Tallien fake chiton—nothing that the Princesse de Lamballe wouldn’t have worn. Her long-waisted, flowered silk dress features a Watteau pleat at the back but has the paniers reduced to a minimum, as she’s too tall for them. The neckline is low, accentuated by a creamy fichu. She is fair, with golden brown hair and grey eyes.)

(She enters with the self-possession of a woman accustomed to the privileges of rank and beauty. The innkeeper, who has excellent natural manners, is highly appreciative of her. Napoleon, on whom her eyes first fall, is instantly smitten self-conscious. His color deepens: he becomes stiffer and less at ease than before. She perceives this instantly, and, not to embarrass him, turns in an infinitely well bred manner to pay the respect of a glance to the other gentleman, who is staring at her dress, as at the earth's final masterpiece of treacherous dissimulation, with feelings altogether inexpressible and indescribable. As she looks at him, she becomes deadly pale. There is no mistaking her expression: a revelation of some fatal error utterly unexpected, has suddenly appalled her in the midst of tranquillity, security and victory. The next moment a wave of color rushes up from beneath the creamy fichu and drowns her whole face. One can see that she is blushing all over her body. Even the lieutenant, ordinarily incapable of observation, and just now lost in the tumult of his wrath, can see a thing when it is painted red for him. Interpreting the blush as the involuntary confession of black deceit confronted with its victim, he points to it with a loud crow of retributive triumph, and then, seizing her by the wrist, pulls her past him into the room as he claps the door to, and plants himself with his back to it.)

(She enters with the confidence of a woman used to the advantages of her status and beauty. The innkeeper, who has great natural manners, appreciates her highly. Napoleon, on whom her gaze first lands, is immediately struck with self-consciousness. His face flushes: he becomes more rigid and less comfortable than before. She notices this right away and, not wanting to embarrass him, turns in an incredibly polite manner to acknowledge the other gentleman, who is staring at her dress as if it were the earth's ultimate masterpiece of deceptive beauty, filled with emotions that are completely inexpressible and indescribable. As she looks at him, she goes pale. Her expression is unmistakable: a sudden realization of some disastrous mistake has horrified her unexpectedly in the midst of calm, safety, and success. The next moment, a wave of color rushes up from beneath her delicate shawl and washes over her entire face. It's clear that she is blushing all over. Even the lieutenant, usually oblivious and just now caught up in his anger, can see something when it’s so visibly red. Interpreting the blush as an unintentional admission of guilt faced with its victim, he points at it with a loud cry of triumphant retribution and then, grabbing her by the wrist, pulls her past him into the room as he slams the door shut and stands with his back to it.)

LIEUTENANT. So I've got you, my lad. So you've disguised yourself, have you? (In a voice of thunder.) Take off that skirt.

LIEUTENANT. So I've caught you, kid. You've dressed up, have you? (In a booming voice.) Take off that skirt.

GIUSEPPE (remonstrating). Oh, lieutenant!

GIUSEPPE (protesting). Oh, lieutenant!

LADY (affrighted, but highly indignant at his having dared to touch her). Gentlemen: I appeal to you. Giuseppe. (Making a movement as if to run to Giuseppe.)

LADY (frightened, but extremely upset at his audacity to touch her). Gentlemen: I'm asking for your help. Giuseppe. (Making a motion as if to run to Giuseppe.)

LIEUTENANT (interposing, sword in hand). No you don't.

LIEUTENANT (interrupting, sword in hand). No, you don’t.

LADY (taking refuge with Napoleon). Ah, sir, you are an officer—a general. You will protect me, will you not?

LADY (seeking safety with Napoleon). Ah, sir, you’re an officer—a general. You will protect me, won’t you?

LIEUTENANT. Never you mind him, General. Leave me to deal with him.

LIEUTENANT. Don’t worry about him, General. I’ll handle him.

NAPOLEON. With him! With whom, sir? Why do you treat this lady in such a fashion?

NAPOLEON. With him! With whom, sir? Why are you treating this lady like this?

LIEUTENANT. Lady! He's a man! the man I showed my confidence in. (Advancing threateningly.) Here you—

LIEUTENANT. Lady! He's a man! The man I trusted. (Advancing threateningly.) You there—

LADY (running behind Napoleon and in her agitation embracing the arm which he instinctively extends before her as a fortification). Oh, thank you, General. Keep him away.

LADY (running behind Napoleon and, in her panic, grabbing the arm he instinctively puts out in front of her for protection). Oh, thank you, General. Keep him away.

NAPOLEON. Nonsense, sir. This is certainly a lady (she suddenly drops his arm and blushes again); and you are under arrest. Put down your sword, sir, instantly.

NAPOLEON. Nonsense, sir. This is definitely a lady (she suddenly drops his arm and blushes again); and you are under arrest. Put down your sword, sir, right now.

LIEUTENANT. General: I tell you he's an Austrian spy. He passed himself off on me as one of General Massena's staff this afternoon; and now he's passing himself off on you as a woman. Am I to believe my own eyes or not?

LIEUTENANT. General: I'm telling you he's an Austrian spy. He pretended to be one of General Massena's staff this afternoon, and now he's pretending to be a woman in front of you. Should I trust what I'm seeing or not?

LADY. General: it must be my brother. He is on General Massena's staff. He is very like me.

LADY. General: it has to be my brother. He works on General Massena's team. He looks a lot like me.

LIEUTENANT (his mind giving way). Do you mean to say that you're not your brother, but your sister?—the sister who was so like me?—who had my beautiful blue eyes? It was a lie: your eyes are not like mine: they're exactly like your own. What perfidy!

LIEUTENANT (his mind unraveling). Are you telling me that you're not your brother, but your sister?—the sister who looked so much like me?—who had my beautiful blue eyes? That’s a lie: your eyes don’t look like mine; they’re exactly like your own. What betrayal!

NAPOLEON. Lieutenant: will you obey my orders and leave the room, since you are convinced at last that this is no gentleman?

NAPOLEON. Lieutenant: will you follow my orders and leave the room, since you finally understand that this is not a gentleman?

LIEUTENANT. Gentleman! I should think not. No gentleman would have abused my confi—

LIEUTENANT. Gentlemen! I don’t think so. No gentleman would have abused my confi—

NAPOLEON (out of all patience). Enough, sir, enough. Will you leave the room. I order you to leave the room.

NAPOLEON (out of all patience). That's enough, sir, enough. Will you please leave the room? I’m telling you to leave the room.

LADY. Oh, pray let ME go instead.

LADY. Oh, please let ME go instead.

NAPOLEON (drily). Excuse me, madame. With all respect to your brother, I do not yet understand what an officer on General Massena's staff wants with my letters. I have some questions to put to you.

NAPOLEON (dryly). Sorry, ma'am. No offense to your brother, but I still don’t get what an officer on General Massena's staff wants with my letters. I have a few questions for you.

GIUSEPPE (discreetly). Come, lieutenant. (He opens the door.)

GIUSEPPE (quietly). Come on, lieutenant. (He opens the door.)

LIEUTENANT. I'm off. General: take warning by me: be on your guard against the better side of your nature. (To the lady.) Madame: my apologies. I thought you were the same person, only of the opposite sex; and that naturally misled me.

LIEUTENANT. I'm leaving. General: take this as a warning from me: watch out for the better side of your nature. (To the lady.) Ma'am: I'm sorry. I thought you were the same person, just the opposite gender; and that understandably confused me.

LADY (sweetly). It was not your fault, was it? I'm so glad you're not angry with me any longer, lieutenant. (She offers her hand.)

LADY (sweetly). It wasn't your fault, was it? I'm really glad you're not upset with me anymore, lieutenant. (She offers her hand.)

LIEUTENANT (bending gallantly to kiss it). Oh, madam, not the lea— (Checking himself and looking at it.) You have your brother's hand. And the same sort of ring.

LIEUTENANT (bending gracefully to kiss it). Oh, ma’am, not the lea— (Stopping himself and looking at it.) You have your brother's hand. And the same kind of ring.

LADY (sweetly). We are twins.

We're twins.

LIEUTENANT. That accounts for it. (He kisses her hand.) A thousand pardons. I didn't mind about the despatches at all: that's more the General's affair than mine: it was the abuse of my confidence through the better side of my nature. (Taking his cap, gloves, and whip from the table and going.) You'll excuse my leaving you, General, I hope. Very sorry, I'm sure. (He talks himself out of the room. Giuseppe follows him and shuts the door.)

LIEUTENANT. That explains it. (He kisses her hand.) I’m really sorry. I didn’t care about the dispatches at all; that’s more the General’s concern than mine. It was the betrayal of my trust because of my better nature. (He grabs his cap, gloves, and whip from the table and starts to leave.) I hope you don’t mind my leaving, General. I truly apologize. (He talks himself out of the room. Giuseppe follows him and shuts the door.)

NAPOLEON (looking after them with concentrated irritation). Idiot! (The Strange Lady smiles sympathetically. He comes frowning down the room between the table and the fireplace, all his awkwardness gone now that he is alone with her.)

NAPOLEON (watching them with intense annoyance). Idiot! (The Strange Lady smiles kindly. He walks frowning down the room between the table and the fireplace, all his awkwardness disappearing now that he is alone with her.)

LADY. How can I thank you, General, for your protection?

LADY. How can I thank you, General, for keeping me safe?

NAPOLEON (turning on her suddenly). My despatches: come! (He puts out his hand for them.)

NAPOLEON (turning to her abruptly). My messages: give them here! (He extends his hand for them.)

LADY. General! (She involuntarily puts her hands on her fichu as if to protect something there.)

LADY. General! (She instinctively places her hands on her scarf as if to guard something there.)

NAPOLEON. You tricked that blockhead out of them. You disguised yourself as a man. I want my despatches. They are there in the bosom of your dress, under your hands.

NAPOLEON. You fooled that idiot out of them. You pretended to be a man. I want my messages. They're right there in your dress, under your hands.

LADY (quickly removing her hands). Oh, how unkindly you are speaking to me! (She takes her handkerchief from her fichu.) You frighten me. (She touches her eyes as if to wipe away a tear.)

LADY (quickly pulling her hands away). Oh, how rude you're being to me! (She takes her handkerchief from her neckline.) You're scaring me. (She touches her eyes as if to wipe away a tear.)

NAPOLEON. I see you don't know me madam, or you would save yourself the trouble of pretending to cry.

NAPOLEON. I see you don't recognize me, ma'am, or you wouldn't bother pretending to cry.

LADY (producing an effect of smiling through her tears). Yes, I do know you. You are the famous General Buonaparte. (She gives the name a marked Italian pronunciation Bwaw-na-parr-te.)

LADY (smiling through her tears). Yes, I know you. You’re the famous General Buonaparte. (She emphasizes the name with a strong Italian accent Bwaw-na-parr-te.)

NAPOLEON (angrily, with the French pronunciation). Bonaparte, madame, Bonaparte. The papers, if you please.

NAPOLEON (angrily, with the French pronunciation). Bonaparte, madame, Bonaparte. The papers, please.

LADY. But I assure you— (He snatches the handkerchief rudely from her.) General! (Indignantly.)

LADY. But I promise you— (He grabs the handkerchief from her roughly.) General! (Angrily.)

NAPOLEON (taking the other handkerchief from his breast). You were good enough to lend one of your handkerchiefs to my lieutenant when you robbed him. (He looks at the two handkerchiefs.) They match one another. (He smells them.) The same scent. (He flings them down on the table.) I am waiting for the despatches. I shall take them, if necessary, with as little ceremony as the handkerchief. (This historical incident was used eighty years later, by M. Victorien Sardou, in his drama entitled "Dora.")

NAPOLEON (pulling another handkerchief from his pocket). You kindly lent one of your handkerchiefs to my lieutenant when you stole from him. (He examines the two handkerchiefs.) They look identical. (He smells them.) Same scent. (He tosses them onto the table.) I'm waiting for the messages. I’ll take them, if needed, with as little formality as this handkerchief. (This historical incident was used eighty years later, by M. Victorien Sardou, in his drama titled "Dora.")

LADY (in dignified reproof). General: do you threaten women?

LADY (in a dignified tone). General: are you threatening women?

NAPOLEON (bluntly). Yes.

NAPOLEON (bluntly). Yeah.

LADY (disconcerted, trying to gain time). But I don't understand. I—

LADY (confused, trying to buy some time). But I don't get it. I—

NAPOLEON. You understand perfectly. You came here because your Austrian employers calculated that I was six leagues away. I am always to be found where my enemies don't expect me. You have walked into the lion's den. Come: you are a brave woman. Be a sensible one: I have no time to waste. The papers. (He advances a step ominously).

NAPOLEON. You totally get it. You came here because your bosses in Austria figured I was six leagues away. I’m always where my enemies least expect me. You've walked right into the lion's den. Come on: you’re a courageous woman. Be smart: I don’t have time to waste. The papers. (He steps forward menacingly).

LADY (breaking down in the childish rage of impotence, and throwing herself in tears on the chair left beside the table by the lieutenant). I brave! How little you know! I have spent the day in an agony of fear. I have a pain here from the tightening of my heart at every suspicious look, every threatening movement. Do you think every one is as brave as you? Oh, why will not you brave people do the brave things? Why do you leave them to us, who have no courage at all? I'm not brave: I shrink from violence: danger makes me miserable.

LADY (breaking down in a childish fit of frustration and throwing herself in tears onto the chair left beside the table by the lieutenant). I'm brave! You have no idea! I’ve spent the day in a state of fear. I have this pain here from the tightening of my heart at every suspicious glance, every threatening move. Do you think everyone is as brave as you? Oh, why won’t you brave people do the brave things? Why do you leave them to us, who have no courage at all? I’m not brave: I flinch from violence; danger makes me feel miserable.

NAPOLEON (interested). Then why have you thrust yourself into danger?

NAPOLEON (interested). So why did you put yourself in danger?

LADY. Because there is no other way: I can trust nobody else. And now it is all useless—all because of you, who have no fear, because you have no heart, no feeling, no— (She breaks off, and throws herself on her knees.) Ah, General, let me go: let me go without asking any questions. You shall have your despatches and letters: I swear it.

LADY. Because there’s no other option: I can’t trust anyone else. And now it’s all pointless—all because of you, who have no fear, because you have no heart, no feelings, no— (She stops, and falls to her knees.) Ah, General, just let me go: let me go without asking any questions. You’ll get your dispatches and letters: I promise.

NAPOLEON (holding out his hand). Yes: I am waiting for them. (She gasps, daunted by his ruthless promptitude into despair of moving him by cajolery; but as she looks up perplexedly at him, it is plain that she is racking her brains for some device to outwit him. He meets her regard inflexibly.)

NAPOLEON (extending his hand). Yes: I'm waiting for them. (She gasps, daunted by his ruthless decisiveness, despairing of swaying him with flattery; but as she looks up at him, clearly confused, it's obvious she's trying to think of a way to outsmart him. He meets her gaze unyieldingly.)

LADY (rising at last with a quiet little sigh). I will get them for you. They are in my room. (She turns to the door.)

LADY (finally getting up with a soft sigh). I'll go get them for you. They're in my room. (She heads to the door.)

NAPOLEON. I shall accompany you, madame.

NAPOLEON. I'll go with you, ma'am.

LADY (drawing herself up with a noble air of offended delicacy).I cannot permit you, General, to enter my chamber.

LADY (standing tall with an air of offended dignity). I can't allow you, General, to come into my room.

NAPOLEON. Then you shall stay here, madame, whilst I have your chamber searched for my papers.

NAPOLEON. Then you will stay here, madam, while I search your room for my papers.

LADY (spitefully, openly giving up her plan). You may save yourself the trouble. They are not there.

LADY (bitterly, clearly abandoning her plan). You can skip the effort. They’re not there.

NAPOLEON. No: I have already told you where they are. (Pointing to her breast.)

NAPOLEON. No: I've already told you where they are. (Pointing to her chest.)

LADY (with pretty piteousness). General: I only want to keep one little private letter. Only one. Let me have it.

LADY (with a touch of sadness). General: I just want to keep one small private letter. Just one. Please let me have it.

NAPOLEON (cold and stern). Is that a reasonable demand, madam?

NAPOLEON (cold and stern). Is that a fair request, ma'am?

LADY (encouraged by his not refusing point blank). No; but that is why you must grant it. Are your own demands reasonable? thousands of lives for the sake of your victories, your ambitions, your destiny! And what I ask is such a little thing. And I am only a weak woman, and you a brave man. (She looks at him with her eyes full of tender pleading and is about to kneel to him again.)

LADY (encouraged by his not refusing outright). No; but that's why you have to agree. Are your demands really fair? Thousands of lives for your victories, your ambitions, your future! And what I'm asking for is such a small thing. I'm just a fragile woman, and you're a strong man. (She looks at him with pleading eyes and is about to kneel to him again.)

NAPOLEON (brusquely). Get up, get up. (He turns moodily away and takes a turn across the room, pausing for a moment to say, over his shoulder) You're talking nonsense; and you know it. (She gets up and sits down in almost listless despair on the couch. When he turns and sees her there, he feels that his victory is complete, and that he may now indulge in a little play with his victim. He comes back and sits beside her. She looks alarmed and moves a little away from him; but a ray of rallying hope beams from her eye. He begins like a man enjoying some secret joke.) How do you know I am a brave man?

NAPOLEON (bluntly). Get up, get up. (He turns away moodily and walks across the room, pausing for a moment to say over his shoulder) You're talking nonsense, and you know it. (She gets up and sits down in almost listless despair on the couch. When he turns and sees her there, he feels that his victory is complete, and that he can now have a little fun with his victim. He comes back and sits beside her. She looks uneasy and shifts away from him a bit, but a glimmer of renewed hope shines in her eye. He starts like someone who’s enjoying a private joke.) How do you know I’m a brave man?

LADY (amazed). You! General Buonaparte. (Italian pronunciation.)

LADY (amazed). You! General Napoleon.

NAPOLEON. Yes, I, General Bonaparte (emphasizing the French pronunciation).

NAPOLEON. Yes, I, General Bonaparte (emphasizing the French pronunciation).

LADY. Oh, how can you ask such a question? you! who stood only two days ago at the bridge at Lodi, with the air full of death, fighting a duel with cannons across the river! (Shuddering.) Oh, you DO brave things.

LADY. Oh, how can you ask that? You! Just two days ago, you were at the bridge at Lodi, surrounded by death, in a battle with cannons across the river! (Shuddering.) Oh, you do such daring things.

NAPOLEON. So do you.

You too.

LADY. I! (With a sudden odd thought.) Oh! Are you a coward?

LADY. I! (With a sudden strange thought.) Oh! Are you scared?

NAPOLEON (laughing grimly and pinching her cheek). That is the one question you must never ask a soldier. The sergeant asks after the recruit's height, his age, his wind, his limb, but never after his courage. (He gets up and walks about with his hands behind him and his head bowed, chuckling to himself.)

NAPOLEON (laughing grimly and pinching her cheek). That's one question you should never ask a soldier. The sergeant checks the recruit's height, age, endurance, and physique, but never asks about his courage. (He gets up and paces around with his hands behind his back and his head down, chuckling to himself.)

LADY (as if she had found it no laughing matter). Ah, you can laugh at fear. Then you don't know what fear is.

LADY (as if she found it no laughing matter). Ah, you can laugh at fear. Then you don’t really understand what fear is.

NAPOLEON (coming behind the couch). Tell me this. Suppose you could have got that letter by coming to me over the bridge at Lodi the day before yesterday! Suppose there had been no other way, and that this was a sure way—if only you escaped the cannon! (She shudders and covers her eyes for a moment with her hands.) Would you have been afraid?

NAPOLEON (coming behind the couch). Tell me this. What if you could have gotten that letter by crossing the bridge at Lodi the day before yesterday? What if there was no other way, and this was the only sure way—if you just managed to avoid the cannon! (She shudders and covers her eyes for a moment with her hands.) Would you have been scared?

LADY. Oh, horribly afraid, agonizingly afraid. (She presses her hands on her heart.) It hurts only to imagine it.

LADY. Oh, I'm so scared, it's agonizing. (She presses her hands on her heart.) It hurts just to think about it.

NAPOLEON (inflexibly). Would you have come for the despatches?

NAPOLEON (firmly). Would you have come for the messages?

LADY (overcome by the imagined horror). Don't ask me. I must have come.

LADY (overwhelmed by the imagined horror). Don’t ask me. I must have come.

NAPOLEON. Why?

NAPOLEON. Why?

LADY. Because I must. Because there would have been no other way.

LADY. Because I have to. Because there really wasn't any other option.

NAPOLEON (with conviction). Because you would have wanted my letter enough to bear your fear. There is only one universal passion: fear. Of all the thousand qualities a man may have, the only one you will find as certainly in the youngest drummer boy in my army as in me, is fear. It is fear that makes men fight: it is indifference that makes them run away: fear is the mainspring of war. Fear! I know fear well, better than you, better than any woman. I once saw a regiment of good Swiss soldiers massacred by a mob in Paris because I was afraid to interfere: I felt myself a coward to the tips of my toes as I looked on at it. Seven months ago I revenged my shame by pounding that mob to death with cannon balls. Well, what of that? Has fear ever held a man back from anything he really wanted—or a woman either? Never. Come with me; and I will show you twenty thousand cowards who will risk death every day for the price of a glass of brandy. And do you think there are no women in the army, braver than the men, because their lives are worth less? Psha! I think nothing of your fear or your bravery. If you had had to come across to me at Lodi, you would not have been afraid: once on the bridge, every other feeling would have gone down before the necessity—the necessity—for making your way to my side and getting what you wanted.

NAPOLEON (with conviction). Because you would have wanted my letter enough to overcome your fear. There’s only one universal passion: fear. Of all the countless qualities a person can have, the only one you’ll find as surely in the youngest drummer boy in my army as in me is fear. It’s fear that drives men to fight; it’s indifference that makes them run away: fear is the engine of war. Fear! I know fear well, better than you, better than any woman. I once watched a regiment of brave Swiss soldiers get slaughtered by a mob in Paris because I was too afraid to step in: I felt like a coward to my very core as I witnessed it. Seven months ago, I avenged my shame by blasting that mob to pieces with cannonballs. So what? Has fear ever stopped a person from pursuing something they truly wanted—or a woman, either? Never. Come with me, and I will show you twenty thousand cowards who would risk death daily for the price of a glass of brandy. And do you think there are no women in the army, braver than the men, just because their lives are worth less? Nonsense! I think nothing of your fear or your bravery. If you had had to come to me at Lodi, you wouldn’t have been afraid: once on the bridge, every other feeling would have faded away in the face of the necessity—the necessity—for making your way to my side and getting what you wanted.

And now, suppose you had done all this—suppose you had come safely out with that letter in your hand, knowing that when the hour came, your fear had tightened, not your heart, but your grip of your own purpose—that it had ceased to be fear, and had become strength, penetration, vigilance, iron resolution—how would you answer then if you were asked whether you were a coward?

And now, imagine you had done all this—imagine you had successfully come out with that letter in your hand, knowing that when the time came, your fear had tightened, not your heart, but your hold on your own purpose—that it stopped being fear, and transformed into strength, insight, awareness, and iron determination—how would you respond if someone asked you if you were a coward?

LADY (rising). Ah, you are a hero, a real hero.

LADY (standing up). Ah, you're a hero, a true hero.

NAPOLEON. Pooh! there's no such thing as a real hero. (He strolls down the room, making light of her enthusiasm, but by no means displeased with himself for having evoked it.)

NAPOLEON. Nonsense! There’s no such thing as a true hero. (He walks around the room, casually dismissing her excitement, but clearly feeling pleased with himself for having stirred it up.)

LADY. Ah, yes, there is. There is a difference between what you call my bravery and yours. You wanted to win the battle of Lodi for yourself and not for anyone else, didn't you?

LADY. Ah, yes, there is. There’s a difference between what you call my bravery and yours. You wanted to win the battle of Lodi for yourself and not for anyone else, right?

NAPOLEON. Of course. (Suddenly recollecting himself.) Stop: no. (He pulls himself piously together, and says, like a man conducting a religious service) I am only the servant of the French republic, following humbly in the footsteps of the heroes of classical antiquity. I win battles for humanity—for my country, not for myself.

NAPOLEON. Of course. (Suddenly remembering.) Wait: no. (He composes himself seriously and says, like someone leading a religious ceremony) I am merely the servant of the French republic, humbly following the example of the heroes of classical times. I fight battles for humanity—for my country, not for myself.

LADY (disappointed). Oh, then you are only a womanish hero, after all. (She sits down again, all her enthusiasm gone, her elbow on the end of the couch, and her cheek propped on her hand.)

LADY (disappointed). Oh, so you're just a wimpy hero, after all. (She sits down again, all her enthusiasm gone, her elbow on the end of the couch, and her cheek resting on her hand.)

NAPOLEON (greatly astonished). Womanish!

NAPOLEON (greatly astonished). Feminine!

LADY (listlessly). Yes, like me. (With deep melancholy.) Do you think that if I only wanted those despatches for myself, I dare venture into a battle for them? No: if that were all, I should not have the courage to ask to see you at your hotel, even. My courage is mere slavishness: it is of no use to me for my own purposes. It is only through love, through pity, through the instinct to save and protect someone else, that I can do the things that terrify me.

LADY (without energy). Yeah, just like me. (With deep sadness.) Do you really think that if I just wanted those documents for myself, I would have the guts to fight for them? No: if that were the case, I wouldn't even have the courage to ask to see you at your hotel. My bravery is nothing but weakness: it doesn't help me for my own needs. It’s only through love, through compassion, and the instinct to save and protect someone else that I can do the things that scare me.

NAPOLEON (contemptuously). Pshaw! (He turns slightingly away from her.)

NAPOLEON (with disdain). Pfft! (He turns away from her dismissively.)

LADY. Aha! now you see that I'm not really brave. (Relapsing into petulant listlessness.) But what right have you to despise me if you only win your battles for others? for your country! through patriotism! That is what I call womanish: it is so like a Frenchman!

LADY. Aha! Now you realize that I'm not really brave. (Falling back into a sulky boredom.) But what gives you the right to look down on me if you only win your battles for others? For your country! Out of patriotism! I consider that kind of behavior weak; it's so typical of a Frenchman!

NAPOLEON (furiously). I am no Frenchman.

NAPOLEON (furiously). I'm not a Frenchman.

LADY (innocently). I thought you said you won the battle of Lodi for your country, General Bu— shall I pronounce it in Italian or French?

LADY (innocently). I thought you said you won the Battle of Lodi for your country, General Bu— should I say it in Italian or French?

NAPOLEON. You are presuming on my patience, madam. I was born a French subject, but not in France.

NAPOLEON. You're testing my patience, madam. I was born a French citizen, but not in France.

LADY (folding her arms on the end of the couch, and leaning on them with a marked access of interest in him). You were not born a subject at all, I think.

LADY (folding her arms on the end of the couch and leaning on them with a noticeable interest in him). I don’t think you were born a subject at all.

NAPOLEON (greatly pleased, starting on a fresh march). Eh? Eh? You think not.

NAPOLEON (very pleased, beginning a new march). Huh? Huh? You don’t think so.

LADY. I am sure of it.

LADY. I know it for sure.

NAPOLEON. Well, well, perhaps not. (The self-complacency of his assent catches his own ear. He stops short, reddening. Then, composing himself into a solemn attitude, modelled on the heroes of classical antiquity, he takes a high moral tone.) But we must not live for ourselves alone, little one. Never forget that we should always think of others, and work for others, and lead and govern them for their own good. Self-sacrifice is the foundation of all true nobility of character.

NAPOLEON. Well, maybe not. (The satisfaction in his agreement catches his attention. He pauses, turning red. Then, he gathers himself into a serious pose, inspired by the heroes of ancient times, and adopts a lofty moral stance.) But we shouldn’t just live for ourselves, little one. Always remember that we should think of others, work for others, and lead and guide them for their benefit. Self-sacrifice is the foundation of all true nobility of character.

LADY (again relaxing her attitude with a sigh). Ah, it is easy to see that you have never tried it, General.

LADY (sighing and relaxing her stance again). Ah, it’s clear you’ve never tried it, General.

NAPOLEON (indignantly, forgetting all about Brutus and Scipio). What do you mean by that speech, madam?

NAPOLEON (angrily, forgetting all about Brutus and Scipio). What are you saying with that speech, ma'am?

LADY. Haven't you noticed that people always exaggerate the value of the things they haven't got? The poor think they only need riches to be quite happy and good. Everybody worships truth, purity, unselfishness, for the same reason—because they have no experience of them. Oh, if they only knew!

LADY. Haven't you seen that people always blow out of proportion the value of what they don't have? The poor believe that all they need is money to be truly happy and good. Everyone admires truth, purity, and selflessness for the same reason—because they’ve never experienced them. Oh, if they only knew!

NAPOLEON (with angry derision). If they only knew! Pray, do you know?

NAPOLEON (with sarcastic anger). If they only knew! Seriously, do you know?

LADY (with her arms stretched down and her hands clasped on her knees, looking straight before her). Yes. I had the misfortune to be born good. (Glancing up at him for a moment.) And it is a misfortune, I can tell you, General. I really am truthful and unselfish and all the rest of it; and it's nothing but cowardice; want of character; want of being really, strongly, positively oneself.

LADY (with her arms down and hands clasped on her knees, looking straight ahead). Yes. I was unfortunate enough to be born good. (Glancing up at him for a moment.) And it really is a misfortune, I can tell you, General. I truly am honest and selfless and all that; but it's nothing but cowardice; a lack of character; a lack of being truly, strongly, and confidently oneself.

NAPOLEON. Ha? (Turning to her quickly with a flash of strong interest.)

NAPOLEON. Huh? (Turning to her quickly with a flash of strong interest.)

LADY (earnestly, with rising enthusiasm). What is the secret of your power? Only that you believe in yourself. You can fight and conquer for yourself and for nobody else. You are not afraid of your own destiny. You teach us what we all might be if we had the will and courage; and that (suddenly sinking on her knees before him) is why we all begin to worship you. (She kisses his hands.)

LADY (earnestly, with rising enthusiasm). What’s the secret to your strength? It’s just that you believe in yourself. You can fight and win for yourself, and no one else. You’re not afraid of your own fate. You show us what we could all be if we had the will and courage; and that (suddenly sinking on her knees before him) is why we all start to worship you. (She kisses his hands.)

NAPOLEON (embarrassed). Tut, tut! Pray rise, madam.

NAPOLEON (embarrassed). Oh, come on! Please, stand up, ma’am.

LADY. Do not refuse my homage: it is your right. You will be emperor of France.

LADY. Don’t reject my respect: it’s your due. You’ll be the emperor of France.

NAPOLEON (hurriedly). Take care. Treason!

NAPOLEON (hurriedly). Watch out. Treason!

LADY (insisting). Yes, emperor of France; then of Europe; perhaps of the world. I am only the first subject to swear allegiance. (Again kissing his hand.) My Emperor!

LADY (insisting). Yes, emperor of France; then of Europe; maybe even the world. I'm just the first one to pledge my loyalty. (Again kissing his hand.) My Emperor!

NAPOLEON (overcome, raising her). Pray, pray. No, no, little one: this is folly. Come: be calm, be calm. (Petting her.) There, there, my girl.

NAPOLEON (overcome, lifting her up). Please, please. No, no, little one: this is silly. Come on: relax, relax. (Petting her.) There, there, my girl.

LADY (struggling with happy tears). Yes, I know it is an impertinence in me to tell you what you must know far better than I do. But you are not angry with me, are you?

LADY (struggling with happy tears). Yes, I know it's presumptuous of me to tell you something you probably know much better than I do. But you're not mad at me, are you?

NAPOLEON. Angry! No, no: not a bit, not a bit. Come: you are a very clever and sensible and interesting little woman. (He pats her on the cheek.) Shall we be friends?

NAPOLEON. Angry! No, not at all, not at all. Come on: you’re a very smart, sensible, and interesting little woman. (He gives her a friendly pat on the cheek.) Should we be friends?

LADY (enraptured). Your friend! You will let me be your friend! Oh! (She offers him both her hands with a radiant smile.) You see: I show my confidence in you.

LADY (excited). Your friend! You’ll let me be your friend! Oh! (She extends both her hands with a glowing smile.) You see: I’m showing my trust in you.

NAPOLEON (with a yell of rage, his eyes flashing). What!

NAPOLEON (shouting in anger, his eyes blazing). What!

LADY. What's the matter?

LADY. What's wrong?

NAPOLEON. Show your confidence in me! So that I may show my confidence in you in return by letting you give me the slip with the despatches, eh? Ah, Dalila, Dalila, you have been trying your tricks on me; and I have been as great a gull as my jackass of a lieutenant. (He advances threateningly on her.) Come: the despatches. Quick: I am not to be trifled with now.

NAPOLEON. Show me that you trust me! So I can trust you back by letting you slip away with the messages, right? Ah, Dalila, Dalila, you've been trying to pull tricks on me; and I’ve been just as foolish as my dumb lieutenant. (He moves toward her menacingly.) Come on: hand over the messages. Hurry up: I'm not in the mood for games right now.

LADY (flying round the couch). General—

LADY (running around the couch). General—

NAPOLEON. Quick, I tell you. (He passes swiftly up the middle of the room and intercepts her as she makes for the vineyard.)

NAPOLEON. Hurry up, I’m serious. (He quickly moves through the center of the room and stops her as she heads toward the vineyard.)

LADY (at bay, confronting him). You dare address me in that tone.

LADY (cornered, facing him). You actually talk to me like that?

NAPOLEON. Dare!

NAPOLEON. Go for it!

LADY. Yes, dare. Who are you that you should presume to speak to me in that coarse way? Oh, the vile, vulgar Corsican adventurer comes out in you very easily.

LADY. Yes, go ahead. Who do you think you are talking to me like that? Oh, the disgusting, common Corsican wannabe really shows in you easily.

NAPOLEON (beside himself). You she devil! (Savagely.) Once more, and only once, will you give me those papers or shall I tear them from you—by force?

NAPOLEON (beside himself). You she-devil! (Savagely.) One more time, and only one more time, will you give me those papers or should I take them from you—by force?

LADY (letting her hands fall ). Tear them from me—by force! (As he glares at her like a tiger about to spring, she crosses her arms on her breast in the attitude of a martyr. The gesture and pose instantly awaken his theatrical instinct: he forgets his rage in the desire to show her that in acting, too, she has met her match. He keeps her a moment in suspense; then suddenly clears up his countenance; puts his hands behind him with provoking coolness; looks at her up and down a couple of times; takes a pinch of snuff; wipes his fingers carefully and puts up his handkerchief, her heroic pose becoming more and more ridiculous all the time.)

LADY (letting her hands drop). Take them from me—by force! (As he glares at her like a tiger ready to pounce, she crosses her arms over her chest like a martyr. The gesture and stance quickly ignite his theatrical instincts: he forgets his anger and wants to prove that she has met her match in acting too. He keeps her in suspense for a moment; then suddenly relaxes his expression, puts his hands behind his back with a cool, teasing attitude, looks her up and down a couple of times, takes a pinch of snuff, carefully wipes his fingers, and puts away his handkerchief, making her heroic pose seem more and more ridiculous.)

NAPOLEON (at last). Well?

NAPOLEON (finally). So?

LADY (disconcerted, but with her arms still crossed devotedly). Well: what are you going to do?

LADY (a bit unsettled, but still with her arms crossed in a loyal way). Well: what are you planning to do?

NAPOLEON. Spoil your attitude.

NAPOLEON. Ditch your bad vibes.

LADY. You brute! (abandoning the attitude, she comes to the end of the couch, where she turns with her back to it, leaning against it and facing him with her hands behind her.)

LADY. You animal! (dropping the act, she moves to the end of the couch, turns her back to it, leans against it, and faces him with her hands behind her.)

NAPOLEON. Ah, that's better. Now listen to me. I like you. What's more, I value your respect.

NAPOLEON. Ah, that's better. Now listen to me. I like you. Plus, I really value your respect.

LADY. You value what you have not got, then.

LADY. So you appreciate what you don't have, huh?

NAPOLEON. I shall have it presently. Now attend to me. Suppose I were to allow myself to be abashed by the respect due to your sex, your beauty, your heroism and all the rest of it? Suppose I, with nothing but such sentimental stuff to stand between these muscles of mine and those papers which you have about you, and which I want and mean to have: suppose I, with the prize within my grasp, were to falter and sneak away with my hands empty; or, what would be worse, cover up my weakness by playing the magnanimous hero, and sparing you the violence I dared not use, would you not despise me from the depths of your woman's soul? Would any woman be such a fool? Well, Bonaparte can rise to the situation and act like a woman when it is necessary. Do you understand?

NAPOLEON. I'll get it soon. Now listen to me. What if I allowed myself to be intimidated by the respect owed to your gender, your beauty, your bravery, and all that? What if I, with nothing but sentimental nonsense standing between my strength and those papers you have, which I want and plan to take: what if I, with the goal within reach, hesitated and walked away empty-handed; or worse, hid my weakness by pretending to be the noble hero, sparing you the force I was too afraid to use? Wouldn't you despise me down to your very core? Would any woman be that foolish? Well, Bonaparte can rise to the occasion and act decisively when needed. Do you get it?

The lady, without speaking, stands upright, and takes a packet of papers from her bosom. For a moment she has an intense impulse to dash them in his face. But her good breeding cuts her off from any vulgar method of relief. She hands them to him politely, only averting her head. The moment he takes them, she hurries across to the other side of the room; covers her face with her hands; and sits down, with her body turned away to the back of the chair.

The woman, without saying a word, stands tall and pulls out a packet of papers from her chest. For a brief moment, she has a strong urge to throw them in his face. But her refined upbringing prevents her from acting in such a crude way. She hands them to him politely, only turning her head away. As soon as he takes them, she quickly hurries to the other side of the room; covers her face with her hands; and sits down, with her body turned away from the back of the chair.

NAPOLEON (gloating over the papers). Aha! That's right. That's right. (Before opening them he looks at her and says) Excuse me. (He sees that she is hiding her face.) Very angry with me, eh? (He unties the packet, the seal of which is already broken, and puts it on the table to examine its contents.)

NAPOLEON (gloating over the papers). Aha! That's it. That's it. (Before opening them he looks at her and says) Excuse me. (He sees that she is hiding her face.) Very upset with me, huh? (He unties the packet, the seal of which is already broken, and puts it on the table to check its contents.)

LADY (quietly, taking down her hands and showing that she is not crying, but only thinking). No. You were right. But I am sorry for you.

LADY (softly, putting her hands down and indicating that she isn't crying, just lost in thought). No. You were right. But I feel for you.

NAPOLEON (pausing in the act of taking the uppermost paper from the packet). Sorry for me! Why?

NAPOLEON (pausing while grabbing the top paper from the packet). Poor me! Why?

LADY. I am going to see you lose your honor.

LADY. I’m about to watch you lose your dignity.

NAPOLEON. Hm! Nothing worse than that? (He takes up the paper.)

NAPOLEON. Hm! Is that really the worst? (He picks up the paper.)

LADY. And your happiness.

And your happiness.

NAPOLEON. Happiness, little woman, is the most tedious thing in the world to me. Should I be what I am if I cared for happiness? Anything else?

NAPOLEON. Happiness, my dear, is the most boring thing in the world to me. Would I be who I am if I cared about happiness? Anything else?

LADY. Nothing— (He interrupts her with an exclamation of satisfaction. She proceeds quietly) except that you will cut a very foolish figure in the eyes of France.

LADY. Nothing— (He interrupts her with a satisfied exclamation. She continues calmly) except that you'll look very foolish to France.

NAPOLEON (quickly). What? (The hand holding the paper involuntarily drops. The lady looks at him enigmatically in tranquil silence. He throws the letter down and breaks out into a torrent of scolding.) What do you mean? Eh? Are you at your tricks again? Do you think I don't know what these papers contain? I'll tell you. First, my information as to Beaulieu's retreat. There are only two things he can do—leatherbrained idiot that he is!—shut himself up in Mantua or violate the neutrality of Venice by taking Peschiera. You are one of old Leatherbrain's spies: he has discovered that he has been betrayed, and has sent you to intercept the information at all hazards—as if that could save him from ME, the old fool! The other papers are only my usual correspondence from Paris, of which you know nothing.

NAPOLEON (quickly). What? (The hand holding the paper drops involuntarily. The lady looks at him enigmatically in calm silence. He throws the letter down and starts yelling.) What do you mean? Huh? Are you up to your tricks again? Do you think I don't know what these papers say? Let me tell you. First, I've got the scoop on Beaulieu's retreat. There are only two options he has—what a clueless idiot he is!—he can either lock himself up in Mantua or break the neutrality of Venice by taking Peschiera. You're one of old Leatherbrain's spies: he’s realized he’s been betrayed and sent you to intercept the information at any cost—as if that could save him from ME, the old fool! The other papers are just my usual correspondence from Paris, which you know nothing about.

LADY (prompt and businesslike). General: let us make a fair division. Take the information your spies have sent you about the Austrian army; and give me the Paris correspondence. That will content me.

LADY (quick and efficient). General: let’s divide things fairly. Take the information your spies sent you about the Austrian army; and give me the reports from Paris. That will satisfy me.

NAPOLEON (his breath taken away by the coolness of the proposal). A fair di— (He gasps.) It seems to me, madame, that you have come to regard my letters as your own property, of which I am trying to rob you.

NAPOLEON (breathless from the unexpected proposal). A fair di— (He gasps.) It seems to me, madame, that you think of my letters as your personal property that I'm trying to take away from you.

LADY (earnestly). No: on my honor I ask for no letter of yours—not a word that has been written by you or to you. That packet contains a stolen letter: a letter written by a woman to a man—a man not her husband—a letter that means disgrace, infamy—

LADY (earnestly). No: I swear I don't want any letter from you—not a word that's been written by you or to you. That packet has a stolen letter: a letter written by a woman to a man— a man who's not her husband—a letter that means disgrace, infamy—

NAPOLEON. A love letter?

NAPOLEON. A heartfelt letter?

LADY (bitter-sweetly). What else but a love letter could stir up so much hate?

LADY (bitter-sweetly). What else besides a love letter could create so much hatred?

NAPOLEON. Why is it sent to me? To put the husband in my power, eh?

NAPOLEON. Why is this being sent to me? To put the husband under my control, huh?

LADY. No, no: it can be of no use to you: I swear that it will cost you nothing to give it to me. It has been sent to you out of sheer malice—solely to injure the woman who wrote it.

LADY. No, no: it won’t do you any good. I promise it won’t cost you anything to give it to me. It was sent to you out of pure spite—just to hurt the woman who wrote it.

NAPOLEON. Then why not send it to her husband instead of to me?

NAPOLEON. So why not send it to her husband instead of me?

LADY (completely taken aback). Oh! (Sinking back into the chair.) I—I don't know. (She breaks down.)

LADY (totally surprised). Oh! (Sinking back into the chair.) I—I don’t know. (She breaks down.)

NAPOLEON. Aha! I thought so: a little romance to get the papers back. (He throws the packet on the table and confronts her with cynical goodhumor.) Per Bacco, little woman, I can't help admiring you. If I could lie like that, it would save me a great deal of trouble.

NAPOLEON. Aha! I knew it: a little story to retrieve the documents. (He tosses the packet onto the table and faces her with sarcastic cheer.) Honestly, little woman, I can't help but admire you. If I could lie like that, it would save me so much hassle.

LADY (wringing her hands). Oh, how I wish I really had told you some lie! You would have believed me then. The truth is the one thing that nobody will believe.

LADY (wringing her hands). Oh, how I wish I actually had told you a lie! You would have believed me then. The truth is the one thing that nobody will accept.

NAPOLEON (with coarse familiarity, treating her as if she were a vivandiere). Capital! Capital! (He puts his hands behind him on the table, and lifts himself on to it, sitting with his arms akimbo and his legs wide apart.) Come: I am a true Corsican in my love for stories. But I could tell them better than you if I set my mind to it. Next time you are asked why a letter compromising a wife should not be sent to her husband, answer simply that the husband would not read it. Do you suppose, little innocent, that a man wants to be compelled by public opinion to make a scene, to fight a duel, to break up his household, to injure his career by a scandal, when he can avoid it all by taking care not to know?

NAPOLEON (with a casual familiarity, treating her like she’s just a soldier). Awesome! Awesome! (He puts his hands behind him on the table and pulls himself up to sit on it, arms crossed and legs spread wide.) Come on: I’m a true Corsican when it comes to my love for stories. But I could tell them better than you if I tried. Next time someone asks you why a letter that could ruin a wife shouldn't be sent to her husband, just say that the husband wouldn't read it. Do you really think, you little innocent, that a man wants to be pushed by public opinion into making a scene, fighting a duel, breaking up his household, or ruining his career with a scandal, when he can avoid all that just by choosing not to know?

LADY (revolted). Suppose that packet contained a letter about your own wife?

LADY (disgusted). What if that package had a letter about your wife?

NAPOLEON (offended, coming off the table). You are impertinent, madame.

NAPOLEON (offended, stepping away from the table). You’re being rude, madam.

LADY (humbly). I beg your above suspicion.

LADY (humbly). I ask you to trust me.

NAPOLEON (with a deliberate assumption of superiority). You have committed an indiscretion. I pardon you. In future, do not permit yourself to introduce real persons in your romances.

NAPOLEON (with a deliberate air of superiority). You've made a mistake. I'm forgiving you. In the future, don't allow yourself to include real people in your stories.

LADY (politely ignoring a speech which is to her only a breach of good manners, and rising to move towards the table). General: there really is a woman's letter there. (Pointing to the packet.) Give it to me.

LADY (politely overlooking a speech that she considers a breach of etiquette, and standing up to approach the table). General: there’s actually a woman’s letter there. (Pointing to the packet.) Hand it to me.

NAPOLEON (with brute conciseness, moving so as to prevent her getting too near the letters). Why?

NAPOLEON (bluntly, stepping to keep her away from the letters). Why?

LADY. She is an old friend: we were at school together. She has written to me imploring me to prevent the letter falling into your hands.

LADY. She's an old friend: we went to school together. She's reached out to me, begging me to stop the letter from getting to you.

NAPOLEON. Why has it been sent to me?

NAPOLEON. Why was this sent to me?

LADY. Because it compromises the director Barras.

LADY. Because it puts director Barras in a difficult position.

NAPOLEON (frowning, evidently startled). Barras! (Haughtily.) Take care, madame. The director Barras is my attached personal friend.

NAPOLEON (frowning, clearly surprised). Barras! (Haughtily.) Watch it, madame. Director Barras is my close personal friend.

LADY (nodding placidly). Yes. You became friends through your wife.

LADY (nodding calmly). Yes. You became friends because of your wife.

NAPOLEON. Again! Have I not forbidden you to speak of my wife? (She keeps looking curiously at him, taking no account of the rebuke. More and more irritated, he drops his haughty manner, of which he is himself somewhat impatient, and says suspiciously, lowering his voice) Who is this woman with whom you sympathize so deeply?

NAPOLEON. Again! Haven't I told you not to talk about my wife? (She continues to look at him with curiosity, ignoring his reprimand. Growing more irritated, he drops his arrogant attitude, which he himself finds a bit tiresome, and asks suspiciously, lowering his voice) Who is this woman you empathize with so much?

LADY. Oh, General! How could I tell you that?

LADY. Oh, General! How can I say that to you?

NAPOLEON (ill-humoredly, beginning to walk about again in angry perplexity). Ay, ay: stand by one another. You are all the same, you women.

NAPOLEON (grumpily, starting to pace again in frustrated confusion). Yeah, yeah: stick together. You’re all the same, you women.

LADY (indignantly). We are not all the same, any more than you are. Do you think that if I loved another man, I should pretend to go on loving my husband, or be afraid to tell him or all the world? But this woman is not made that way. She governs men by cheating them; and (with disdain) they like it, and let her govern them. (She sits down again, with her back to him.)

LADY (angrily). We're not all the same, just like you aren't. Do you really think that if I fell in love with another man, I would fake loving my husband or be too scared to tell him or anyone else? But this woman isn’t like that. She controls men by deceiving them; and (with disdain) they enjoy it and allow her to control them. (She sits down again, facing away from him.)

NAPOLEON (not attending to her). Barras, Barras I— (Turning very threateningly to her, his face darkening.) Take care, take care: do you hear? You may go too far.

NAPOLEON (not paying attention to her). Barras, Barras I— (Turning very threateningly to her, his expression darkening.) Be careful, be careful: do you hear me? You might push it too far.

LADY (innocently turning her face to him). What's the matter?

LADY (innocently turning her face to him). What's wrong?

NAPOLEON. What are you hinting at? Who is this woman?

NAPOLEON. What are you trying to say? Who is this woman?

LADY (meeting his angry searching gaze with tranquil indifference as she sits looking up at him with her right arm resting lightly along the back of her chair, and one knee crossed over the other). A vain, silly, extravagant creature, with a very able and ambitious husband who knows her through and through—knows that she has lied to him about her age, her income, her social position, about everything that silly women lie about—knows that she is incapable of fidelity to any principle or any person; and yet could not help loving her—could not help his man's instinct to make use of her for his own advancement with Barras.

LADY (meeting his angry, searching gaze with calm indifference as she sits, looking up at him with her right arm casually resting on the back of her chair, and one knee crossed over the other). A vain, silly, extravagant woman, with a capable and ambitious husband who sees right through her—knows that she’s lied about her age, her income, her social status, and everything else that trivial women lie about—knows that she’s incapable of being loyal to any principle or person; and yet, he can’t help but love her—can’t resist his instinct as a man to use her for his own advantage with Barras.

NAPOLEON (in a stealthy, coldly furious whisper). This is your revenge, you she cat, for having had to give me the letters.

NAPOLEON (in a stealthy, coldly furious whisper). This is your revenge, you she-cat, for making me give you the letters.

LADY. Nonsense! Or do you mean that YOU are that sort of man?

LADY. That's ridiculous! Or are you saying that YOU are that kind of guy?

NAPOLEON (exasperated, clasps his hands behind him, his fingers twitching, and says, as he walks irritably away from her to the fireplace). This woman will drive me out of my senses. (To her.) Begone.

NAPOLEON (frustrated, clasps his hands behind him, his fingers twitching, and says, as he walks irritably away from her to the fireplace). This woman is driving me crazy. (To her.) Leave.

LADY (seated immovably). Not without that letter.

LADY (sitting still). Not without that letter.

NAPOLEON. Begone, I tell you. (Walking from the fireplace to the vineyard and back to the table.) You shall have no letter. I don't like you. You're a detestable woman, and as ugly as Satan. I don't choose to be pestered by strange women. Be off. (He turns his back on her. In quiet amusement, she leans her cheek on her hand and laughs at him. He turns again, angrily mocking her.) Ha! ha! ha! What are you laughing at?

NAPOLEON. Get out, I said. (Walking from the fireplace to the vineyard and back to the table.) You won’t get a letter from me. I can't stand you. You're an awful woman, and as ugly as the devil. I refuse to be bothered by random women. Leave. (He turns his back on her. With quiet amusement, she leans her cheek on her hand and laughs at him. He turns back, angrily mocking her.) Ha! ha! ha! What’s so funny?

LADY. At you, General. I have often seen persons of your sex getting into a pet and behaving like children; but I never saw a really great man do it before.

LADY. At you, General. I've often seen men like you throw tantrums and act childish; but I’ve never seen a truly great man do it before.

NAPOLEON (brutally, flinging the words in her face). Pooh: flattery! flattery! coarse, impudent flattery!

NAPOLEON (brutally, throwing the words in her face). Ugh: flattery! flattery! crass, rude flattery!

LADY (springing up with a bright flush in her cheeks). Oh, you are too bad. Keep your letters. Read the story of your own dishonor in them; and much good may they do you. Good-bye. (She goes indignantly towards the inner door.)

LADY (springing up with a bright flush in her cheeks). Oh, you are awful. Keep your letters. Read the story of your own disgrace in them; and I hope they serve you well. Goodbye. (She storms off toward the inner door.)

NAPOLEON. My own—! Stop. Come back. Come back, I order you. (She proudly disregards his savagely peremptory tone and continues on her way to the door. He rushes at her; seizes her by the wrist; and drags her back.) Now, what do you mean? Explain. Explain, I tell you, or—(Threatening her. She looks at him with unflinching defiance.) Rrrr! you obstinate devil, you. Why can't you answer a civil question?

NAPOLEON. My own—! Stop. Come back. Come back, I’m telling you. (She proudly ignores his aggressive tone and continues toward the door. He rushes at her, grabs her wrist, and pulls her back.) Now, what do you mean? Explain. I said explain, or—(Threatening her. She looks at him defiantly.) Rrrr! you stubborn devil, you. Why can’t you just answer a simple question?

LADY (deeply offended by his violence). Why do you ask me? You have the explanation.

LADY (deeply offended by his violence). Why are you asking me? You know the reason.

NAPOLEON. Where?

Napoleon. Where at?

LADY (pointing to the letters on the table). There. You have only to read it. (He snatches the packet up, hesitates; looks at her suspiciously; and throws it down again.)

LADY (pointing to the letters on the table). There. You just have to read it. (He grabs the packet, hesitates; looks at her suspiciously; and drops it again.)

NAPOLEON. You seem to have forgotten your solicitude for the honor of your old friend.

NAPOLEON. It looks like you've forgotten your concern for the reputation of your old friend.

LADY. She runs no risk now: she does not quite understand her husband.

LADY. She's not at risk now; she doesn't fully understand her husband.

NAPOLEON. I am to read the letter, then? (He stretches out his hand as if to take up the packet again, with his eye on her.)

NAPOLEON. So, I’m supposed to read the letter now? (He reaches out his hand as if to grab the packet again, keeping his eye on her.)

LADY. I do not see how you can very well avoid doing so now. (He instantly withdraws his hand.) Oh, don't be afraid. You will find many interesting things in it.

LADY. I don’t see how you can really avoid it now. (He immediately pulls his hand back.) Oh, don’t worry. You’ll discover a lot of interesting things in it.

NAPOLEON. For instance?

NAPOLEON. For example?

LADY. For instance, a duel—with Barras, a domestic scene, a broken household, a public scandal, a checked career, all sorts of things.

LADY. For example, a duel—with Barras, a family issue, a shattered home, a public scandal, a stalled career, all kinds of things.

NAPOLEON. Hm! (He looks at her, takes up the packet and looks at it, pursing his lips and balancing it in his hand; looks at her again; passes the packet into his left hand and puts it behind his back, raising his right to scratch the back of his head as he turns and goes up to the edge of the vineyard, where he stands for a moment looking out into the vines, deep in thought. The Lady watches him in silence, somewhat slightingly. Suddenly he turns and comes back again, full of force and decision.) I grant your request, madame. Your courage and resolution deserve to succeed. Take the letters for which you have fought so well; and remember henceforth that you found the vile, vulgar Corsican adventurer as generous to the vanquished after the battle as he was resolute in the face of the enemy before it. (He offers her the packet.)

NAPOLEON. Hm! (He looks at her, picks up the packet and inspects it, pursing his lips and balancing it in his hand; glances at her again; shifts the packet to his left hand and hides it behind his back, raising his right hand to scratch the back of his head as he turns and walks to the edge of the vineyard, where he stands for a moment gazing out into the vines, lost in thought. The Lady watches him silently, a bit disdainfully. Suddenly, he turns and strides back, full of energy and determination.) I accept your request, madame. Your courage and determination deserve to be rewarded. Take the letters you’ve fought so hard for; and remember from now on that you found the despicable, ordinary Corsican adventurer just as generous to the defeated after the battle as he was resolute against the enemy before it. (He offers her the packet.)

LADY (without taking it, looking hard at him). What are you at now, I wonder? (He dashes the packet furiously to the floor.) Aha! I've spoiled that attitude, I think. (She makes him a pretty mocking curtsey.)

LADY (not taking it, staring at him intently). What are you up to now, I wonder? (He throws the packet angrily to the floor.) Aha! I think I’ve ruined that vibe. (She gives him a playful mocking curtsy.)

NAPOLEON (snatching it up again). Will you take the letters and begone (advancing and thrusting them upon her)?

NAPOLEON (snatching it up again). Will you take the letters and get out of here (advancing and shoving them at her)?

LADY (escaping round the table). No: I don't want letters.

LADY (running around the table). No: I don't want any letters.

NAPOLEON. Ten minutes ago, nothing else would satisfy you.

NAPOLEON. Ten minutes ago, nothing else would have been good enough for you.

LADY (keeping the table carefully between them). Ten minutes ago you had not insulted me past all bearing.

LADY (keeping the table carefully between them). Ten minutes ago, you hadn't insulted me to the point of no return.

NAPOLEON. I— (swallowing his spleen) I apologize.

NAPOLEON. I— (swallowing his pride) I’m sorry.

LADY (coolly). Thanks. (With forced politeness he offers her the packet across the table. She retreats a step out of its reach and says) But don't you want to know whether the Austrians are at Mantua or Peschiera?

LADY (coolly). Thanks. (With forced politeness, he offers her the packet across the table. She steps back out of its reach and says) But don't you want to know if the Austrians are at Mantua or Peschiera?

NAPOLEON. I have already told you that I can conquer my enemies without the aid of spies, madame.

NAPOLEON. I've already told you that I can defeat my enemies without the help of spies, ma'am.

LADY. And the letter! don't you want to read that?

LADY. And the letter! Aren't you curious to read it?

NAPOLEON. You have said that it is not addressed to me. I am not in the habit of reading other people's letters. (He again offers the packet.)

NAPOLEON. You said it's not meant for me. I usually don’t read other people's letters. (He offers the packet again.)

LADY. In that case there can be no objection to your keeping it. All I wanted was to prevent your reading it. (Cheerfully.) Good afternoon, General. (She turns coolly towards the inner door.)

LADY. In that case, there’s no problem with you keeping it. All I wanted was to stop you from reading it. (Cheerfully.) Good afternoon, General. (She turns coolly towards the inner door.)

NAPOLEON (furiously flinging the packet on the couch). Heaven grant me patience! (He goes up determinedly and places himself before the door.) Have you any sense of personal danger? Or are you one of those women who like to be beaten black and blue?

NAPOLEON (furiously tossing the packet onto the couch). God give me patience! (He strides up resolutely and positions himself in front of the door.) Do you have any awareness of the danger to yourself? Or are you one of those women who enjoy being beaten black and blue?

LADY. Thank you, General: I have no doubt the sensation is very voluptuous; but I had rather not. I simply want to go home: that's all. I was wicked enough to steal your despatches; but you have got them back; and you have forgiven me, because (delicately reproducing his rhetorical cadence) you are as generous to the vanquished after the battle as you are resolute in the face of the enemy before it. Won't you say good-bye to me? (She offers her hand sweetly.)

LADY. Thank you, General: I have no doubt it feels very pleasurable; but I’d rather not. I just want to go home: that’s all. I was wrong to take your messages; but you have them back now, and you’ve forgiven me, because (delicately mimicking his style) you are as generous to the defeated after the fight as you are determined against the enemy before it. Will you say goodbye to me? (She offers her hand sweetly.)

NAPOLEON (repulsing the advance with a gesture of concentrated rage, and opening the door to call fiercely). Giuseppe! (Louder.) Giuseppe! (He bangs the door to, and comes to the middle of the room. The lady goes a little way into the vineyard to avoid him.)

NAPOLEON (pushing back the advance with a sharp gesture of anger and opening the door to shout fiercely). Giuseppe! (Louder.) Giuseppe! (He slams the door shut and steps into the center of the room. The lady moves a bit into the vineyard to avoid him.)

GIUSEPPE (appearing at the door). Excellency?

GIUSEPPE (appearing at the door). Your Excellency?

NAPOLEON. Where is that fool?

NAPOLEON. Where is that idiot?

GIUSEPPE. He has had a good dinner, according to your instructions, excellency, and is now doing me the honor to gamble with me to pass the time.

GIUSEPPE. He had a nice dinner, as you instructed, excellency, and is now graciously gambling with me to pass the time.

NAPOLEON. Send him here. Bring him here. Come with him. (Giuseppe, with unruffled readiness, hurries off. Napoleon turns curtly to the lady, saying) I must trouble you to remain some moments longer, madame. (He comes to the couch. She comes from the vineyard down the opposite side of the room to the sideboard, and posts herself there, leaning against it, watching him. He takes the packet from the couch and deliberately buttons it carefully into his breast pocket, looking at her meanwhile with an expression which suggests that she will soon find out the meaning of his proceedings, and will not like it. Nothing more is said until the lieutenant arrives followed by Giuseppe, who stands modestly in attendance at the table. The lieutenant, without cap, sword or gloves, and much improved in temper and spirits by his meal, chooses the Lady's side of the room, and waits, much at his ease, for Napoleon to begin.)

NAPOLEON. Bring him here. Come along with him. (Giuseppe promptly hurries off. Napoleon turns to the lady, sounding somewhat impatient.) I need you to stay for a bit longer, madame. (He approaches the couch. She walks from the vineyard on the opposite side of the room to the sideboard, where she leans against it and watches him. He takes the packet from the couch and carefully buttons it into his breast pocket, looking at her with an expression that hints she will soon understand what's going on and won’t like it. There’s a pause until the lieutenant arrives, followed by Giuseppe, who stands quietly at the table. The lieutenant, without his cap, sword, or gloves, and in better spirits thanks to his meal, takes his position on the lady's side of the room and waits comfortably for Napoleon to speak.)

NAPOLEON. Lieutenant.

Napoleon. Lt.

LIEUTENANT (encouragingly). General.

LT. (encouragingly). General.

NAPOLEON. I cannot persuade this lady to give me much information; but there can be no doubt that the man who tricked you out of your charge was, as she admitted to you, her brother.

NAPOLEON. I can’t get this lady to share much information with me; but there’s no doubt that the guy who deceived you out of your responsibility was, as she told you, her brother.

LIEUTENANT (triumphantly). What did I tell you, General! What did I tell you!

LIEUTENANT (triumphantly). What did I say, General! What did I say!

NAPOLEON. You must find that man. Your honor is at stake; and the fate of the campaign, the destiny of France, of Europe, of humanity, perhaps, may depend on the information those despatches contain.

NAPOLEON. You need to find that man. Your reputation is on the line; and the outcome of the campaign, the future of France, of Europe, and possibly all of humanity, might hinge on the information in those messages.

LIEUTENANT. Yes, I suppose they really are rather serious (as if this had hardly occurred to him before).

LIEUTENANT. Yeah, I guess they're pretty serious (as if he just realized this).

NAPOLEON (energetically). They are so serious, sir, that if you do not recover them, you will be degraded in the presence of your regiment.

NAPOLEON (energetically). They are so serious, sir, that if you don't get them back, you'll be humiliated in front of your regiment.

LIEUTENANT. Whew! The regiment won't like that, I can tell you.

LIEUTENANT. Whew! The regiment's not going to be happy about that, I can tell you.

NAPOLEON. Personally, I am sorry for you. I would willingly conceal the affair if it were possible. But I shall be called to account for not acting on the despatches. I shall have to prove to all the world that I never received them, no matter what the consequences may be to you. I am sorry; but you see that I cannot help myself.

NAPOLEON. Honestly, I feel for you. I would gladly keep this under wraps if I could. But I’ll be held responsible for not acting on the messages. I’ll have to show everyone that I never got them, regardless of what that means for you. I’m sorry, but you see that I can’t do anything about it.

LIEUTENANT (goodnaturedly). Oh, don't take it to heart, General: it's really very good of you. Never mind what happens to me: I shall scrape through somehow; and we'll beat the Austrians for you, despatches or no despatches. I hope you won't insist on my starting off on a wild goose chase after the fellow now. I haven't a notion where to look for him.

LIEUTENANT (cheerfully). Oh, don’t worry about it, General; you’re really being very kind. It doesn’t matter what happens to me; I’ll manage to get by somehow, and we’ll defeat the Austrians for you, whether there are dispatches or not. I hope you won’t make me go off on a wild goose chase after the guy now. I have no idea where to look for him.

GIUSEPPE (deferentially). You forget, Lieutenant: he has your horse.

GIUSEPPE (respectfully). Don’t forget, Lieutenant: he has your horse.

LIEUTENANT (starting). I forgot that. (Resolutely.) I'll go after him, General: I'll find that horse if it's alive anywhere in Italy. And I shan't forget the despatches: never fear. Giuseppe: go and saddle one of those mangy old posthorses of yours, while I get my cap and sword and things. Quick march. Off with you (bustling him).

LIEUTENANT (starting). I completely forgot that. (Determined.) I'll track him down, General: I’ll find that horse if it's alive anywhere in Italy. And I won’t forget the dispatches: don’t worry. Giuseppe: go and saddle one of those scruffy old posthorses of yours while I grab my cap and sword and stuff. Hurry up. Get going (bustling him).

GIUSEPPE. Instantly, Lieutenant, instantly. (He disappears in the vineyard, where the light is now reddening with the sunset.)

GIUSEPPE. Right away, Lieutenant, right away. (He goes off into the vineyard, where the light is starting to turn reddish with the sunset.)

LIEUTENANT (looking about him on his way to the inner door). By the way, General, did I give you my sword or did I not? Oh, I remember now. (Fretfully.) It's all that nonsense about putting a man under arrest: one never knows where to find— (Talks himself out of the room.)

LIEUTENANT (glancing around as he heads to the inner door). By the way, General, did I hand you my sword or not? Oh, I remember now. (Irritated.) It's all this fuss about arresting someone: you can never tell where to find— (Walks himself out of the room.)

LADY (still at the sideboard). What does all this mean, General?

LADY (still at the sideboard). What’s all this about, General?

NAPOLEON. He will not find your brother.

NAPOLEON. He won't find your brother.

LADY. Of course not. There's no such person.

LADY. Of course not. That person doesn't exist.

NAPOLEON. The despatches will be irrecoverably lost.

NAPOLEON. The messages will be completely lost.

LADY. Nonsense! They are inside your coat.

LADY. That's ridiculous! They're in your coat.

NAPOLEON. You will find it hard, I think, to prove that wild statement. (The Lady starts. He adds, with clinching emphasis) Those papers are lost.

NAPOLEON. I think you'll have a tough time proving that wild claim. (The Lady starts. He adds, with firm emphasis) Those papers are gone.

LADY (anxiously, advancing to the corner of the table). And that unfortunate young man's career will be sacrificed.

LADY (anxiously, moving to the corner of the table). And that poor young man's career will be ruined.

NAPOLEON. HIS career! The fellow is not worth the gunpowder it would cost to have him shot. (He turns contemptuously and goes to the hearth, where he stands with his back to her.)

NAPOLEON. His career! That guy isn't worth the gunpowder it would take to shoot him. (He turns away in disdain and goes to the hearth, where he stands with his back to her.)

LADY (wistfully). You are very hard. Men and women are nothing to you but things to be used, even if they are broken in the use.

LADY (wistfully). You’re so cold. To you, men and women are just objects to be used, even if they end up broken.

NAPOLEON (turning on her). Which of us has broken this fellow—I or you? Who tricked him out of the despatches? Did you think of his career then?

NAPOLEON (turning on her). Which of us has messed this guy up—I or you? Who deceived him into handing over the dispatches? Were you thinking about his career back then?

LADY (naively concerned about him). Oh, I never thought of that. It was brutal of me; but I couldn't help it, could I? How else could I have got the papers? (Supplicating.) General: you will save him from disgrace.

LADY (naively worried about him). Oh, I never thought of that. It was harsh of me; but I couldn't help it, could I? How else was I supposed to get the papers? (Pleading.) General: please save him from disgrace.

NAPOLEON (laughing sourly). Save him yourself, since you are so clever: it was you who ruined him. (With savage intensity.) I HATE a bad soldier.

NAPOLEON (laughing bitterly). Save him yourself, since you think you're so smart: it was you who messed him up. (With fierce intensity.) I HATE a bad soldier.

He goes out determinedly through the vineyard. She follows him a few steps with an appealing gesture, but is interrupted by the return of the lieutenant, gloved and capped, with his sword on, ready for the road. He is crossing to the outer door when she intercepts him.

He walks purposefully through the vineyard. She follows him a few steps with an inviting gesture, but is interrupted by the return of the lieutenant, dressed in gloves and a cap, with his sword on, ready to head out. He is making his way to the outer door when she stops him.

LADY. Lieutenant.

Lady. Lieutenant.

LIEUTENANT (importantly). You mustn't delay me, you know. Duty, madame, duty.

LIEUTENANT (seriously). You can't hold me up, you know. Duty, ma'am, duty.

LADY (imploringly). Oh, sir, what are you going to do to my poor brother?

LADY (imploringly). Oh, sir, what are you going to do to my poor brother?

LIEUTENANT. Are you very fond of him?

LIEUTENANT. Do you really like him a lot?

LADY. I should die if anything happened to him. You must spare him. (The lieutenant shakes his head gloomily.) Yes, yes: you must: you shall: he is not fit to die. Listen to me. If I tell you where to find him—if I undertake to place him in your hands a prisoner, to be delivered up by you to General Bonaparte—will you promise me on your honor as an officer and a gentleman not to fight with him or treat him unkindly in any way?

LADY. I would be devastated if anything happened to him. You have to spare him. (The lieutenant shakes his head sadly.) Yes, yes: you must: you will: he doesn’t deserve to die. Listen to me. If I tell you where to find him—if I agree to hand him over to you as a prisoner, for you to deliver to General Bonaparte—will you promise me, as an officer and a gentleman, not to fight him or treat him poorly in any way?

LIEUTENANT. But suppose he attacks me. He has my pistols.

LIEUTENANT. But what if he comes after me? He has my guns.

LADY. He is too great a coward.

LADY. He's too much of a coward.

LIEUTENANT. I don't feel so sure about that. He's capable of anything.

LIEUTENANT. I'm not so sure about that. He could do anything.

LADY. If he attacks you, or resists you in any way, I release you from your promise.

LADY. If he confronts you or puts up any kind of resistance, I free you from your promise.

LIEUTENANT. My promise! I didn't mean to promise. Look here: you're as bad as he is: you've taken an advantage of me through the better side of my nature. What about my horse?

LIEUTENANT. My promise! I didn't mean to make a promise. Look, you're just as bad as he is: you've taken advantage of my better nature. What about my horse?

LADY. It is part of the bargain that you are to have your horse and pistols back.

LADY. It's part of the deal that you get your horse and guns back.

LIEUTENANT. Honor bright?

LIEUTENANT. Bright honor?

LADY. Honor bright. (She offers her hand.)

LADY. Seriously. (She extends her hand.)

LIEUTENANT (taking it and holding it). All right: I'll be as gentle as a lamb with him. His sister's a very pretty woman. (He attempts to kiss her.)

LIEUTENANT (taking it and holding it). Sure thing: I'll be as gentle as a lamb with him. His sister is really beautiful. (He tries to kiss her.)

LADY (slipping away from him). Oh, Lieutenant! You forget: your career is at stake—the destiny of Europe—of humanity.

LADY (pulling away from him). Oh, Lieutenant! You’re forgetting: your career is on the line—the fate of Europe—of humanity.

LIEUTENANT. Oh, bother the destiny of humanity (Making for her.) Only a kiss.

LIEUTENANT. Oh, forget about the fate of humanity (Walking towards her.) Just a kiss.

LADY (retreating round the table). Not until you have regained your honor as an officer. Remember: you have not captured my brother yet.

LADY (stepping back around the table). Not until you've regained your honor as an officer. Keep in mind: you still haven't captured my brother.

LIEUTENANT (seductively). You'll tell me where he is, won't you?

LIEUTENANT (seductively). You'll let me know where he is, right?

LADY. I have only to send him a certain signal; and he will be here in quarter of an hour.

LADY. I just need to send him a signal, and he’ll be here in fifteen minutes.

LIEUTENANT. He's not far off, then.

LIEUTENANT. He's not far away, then.

LADY. No: quite close. Wait here for him: when he gets my message he will come here at once and surrender himself to you. You understand?

LADY. No: pretty close. Wait here for him: when he gets my message, he’ll come here right away and turn himself in to you. Got it?

LIEUTENANT (intellectually overtaxed). Well, it's a little complicated; but I daresay it will be all right.

LIEUTENANT (intellectually overwhelmed). Well, it's a bit complicated; but I'm sure it will work out just fine.

LADY. And now, whilst you're waiting, don't you think you had better make terms with the General?

LADY. And now, while you're waiting, don't you think you should negotiate with the General?

LIEUTENANT. Oh, look here, this is getting frightfully complicated. What terms?

LIEUTENANT. Oh, come on, this is getting really complicated. What terms?

LADY. Make him promise that if you catch my brother he will consider that you have cleared your character as a soldier. He will promise anything you ask on that condition.

LADY. Make him promise that if you find my brother, he will believe that you’ve redeemed your honor as a soldier. He’ll agree to anything you ask under that condition.

LIEUTENANT. That's not a bad idea. Thank you: I think I'll try it.

LIEUTENANT. That’s a good idea. Thanks! I think I’ll give it a shot.

LADY. Do. And mind, above all things, don't let him see how clever you are.

LADY. Sure. And above all, make sure he doesn’t realize how smart you are.

LIEUTENANT. I understand. He'd be jealous.

LIEUTENANT. I get it. He'd be jealous.

LADY. Don't tell him anything except that you are resolved to capture my brother or perish in the attempt. He won't believe you. Then you will produce my brother—

LADY. Just tell him that you’re determined to either capture my brother or die trying. He won’t believe you. Then you’ll bring out my brother—

LIEUTENANT (interrupting as he masters the plot). And have the laugh at him! I say: what a clever little woman you are! (Shouting.) Giuseppe!

LIEUTENANT (interrupting as he figures out the plot). And have a good laugh at him! I mean: what a smart little woman you are! (Shouting.) Giuseppe!

LADY. Sh! Not a word to Giuseppe about me. (She puts her finger on her lips. He does the same. They look at one another warningly. Then, with a ravishing smile, she changes the gesture into wafting him a kiss, and runs out through the inner door. Electrified, he bursts into a volley of chuckles. Giuseppe comes back by the outer door.)

LADY. Sh! Don’t say a word to Giuseppe about me. (She puts her finger on her lips. He does the same. They look at each other with caution. Then, with a dazzling smile, she turns the gesture into blowing him a kiss and runs out through the inner door. Electrified, he bursts into a fit of laughter. Giuseppe comes back through the outer door.)

GIUSEPPE. The horse is ready, Lieutenant.

GIUSEPPE. The horse is ready, Lieutenant.

LIEUTENANT. I'm not going just yet. Go and find the General, and tell him I want to speak to him.

LIEUTENANT. I'm not leaving just yet. Go find the General and let him know I need to talk to him.

GIUSEPPE (shaking his head). That will never do, Lieutenant.

GIUSEPPE (shaking his head). That won't work, Lieutenant.

LIEUTENANT. Why not?

LIEUTENANT. Why not?

GIUSEPPE. In this wicked world a general may send for a lieutenant; but a lieutenant must not send for a general.

GIUSEPPE. In this messed-up world, a general can call for a lieutenant, but a lieutenant can't call for a general.

LIEUTENANT. Oh, you think he wouldn't like it. Well, perhaps you're right: one has to be awfully particular about that sort of thing now we've got a republic.

LIEUTENANT. Oh, you think he wouldn't like it. Well, maybe you're right: people have to be really careful about that kind of thing now that we have a republic.

Napoleon reappears, advancing from the vineyard, buttoning the breast of his coat, pale and full of gnawing thoughts.

Napoleon comes back into view, walking from the vineyard, fastening the front of his coat, looking pale and deep in troubling thoughts.

GIUSEPPE (unconscious of Napoleon's approach). Quite true, Lieutenant, quite true. You are all like innkeepers now in France: you have to be polite to everybody.

GIUSEPPE (unaware of Napoleon's approach). That's completely right, Lieutenant, completely right. You're all like innkeepers in France now: you have to be nice to everyone.

NAPOLEON (putting his hand on Giuseppe's shoulder). And that destroys the whole value of politeness, eh?

NAPOLEON (putting his hand on Giuseppe's shoulder). And that ruins the entire point of being polite, right?

LIEUTENANT. The very man I wanted! See here, General: suppose I catch that fellow for you!

LIEUTENANT. The exact person I was hoping to find! Look, General: what if I manage to catch that guy for you!

NAPOLEON (with ironical gravity). You will not catch him, my friend.

NAPOLEON (with sarcastic seriousness). You won't catch him, my friend.

LIEUTENANT. Aha! you think so; but you'll see. Just wait. Only, if I do catch him and hand him over to you, will you cry quits? Will you drop all this about degrading me in the presence of my regiment? Not that I mind, you know; but still no regiment likes to have all the other regiments laughing at it.

LIEUTENANT. Aha! You think so; but you'll see. Just wait. But if I do catch him and give him to you, will you let it go? Will you stop all this about embarrassing me in front of my regiment? Not that I care, but still, no regiment wants to have the other regiments laughing at it.

NAPOLEON. (a cold ray of humor striking pallidly across his gloom). What shall we do with this officer, Giuseppe? Everything he says is wrong.

NAPOLEON. (a cold ray of humor striking pallidly across his gloom). What are we going to do with this officer, Giuseppe? Everything he says is wrong.

GIUSEPPE (promptly). Make him a general, excellency; and then everything he says will be right.

GIUSEPPE (quickly). Make him a general, sir; and then everything he says will be correct.

LIEUTENANT (crowing). Haw-aw! (He throws himself ecstatically on the couch to enjoy the joke.)

LIEUTENANT (laughing). Ha ha! (He throws himself excitedly on the couch to enjoy the joke.)

NAPOLEON (laughing and pinching Giuseppe's ear). You are thrown away in this inn, Giuseppe. (He sits down and places Giuseppe before him like a schoolmaster with a pupil.) Shall I take you away with me and make a man of you?

NAPOLEON (laughing and pinching Giuseppe's ear). You're wasted in this inn, Giuseppe. (He sits down and sets Giuseppe in front of him like a teacher with a student.) Should I take you with me and turn you into a man?

GIUSEPPE (shaking his head rapidly and repeatedly). No, thank you, General. All my life long people have wanted to make a man of me. When I was a boy, our good priest wanted to make a man of me by teaching me to read and write. Then the organist at Melegnano wanted to make a man of me by teaching me to read music. The recruiting sergeant would have made a man of me if I had been a few inches taller. But it always meant making me work; and I am too lazy for that, thank Heaven! So I taught myself to cook and became an innkeeper; and now I keep servants to do the work, and have nothing to do myself except talk, which suits me perfectly.

GIUSEPPE (shaking his head quickly). No, thank you, General. People have been trying to make a man out of me my whole life. When I was a kid, our priest wanted to teach me to read and write to turn me into a man. Then the organist at Melegnano thought he could make a man out of me by teaching me music. The recruiting sergeant would have done the same if I had been a few inches taller. But it always meant work, and I’m too lazy for that, thank goodness! So I taught myself to cook and became an innkeeper; now I have servants to do the work, and all I have to do is talk, which works perfectly for me.

NAPOLEON (looking at him thoughtfully). You are satisfied?

NAPOLEON (looking at him thoughtfully). Are you satisfied?

GIUSEPPE (with cheerful conviction). Quite, excellency.

GIUSEPPE (with cheerful conviction). Absolutely, your excellency.

NAPOLEON. And you have no devouring devil inside you who must be fed with action and victory—gorged with them night and day—who makes you pay, with the sweat of your brain and body, weeks of Herculean toil for ten minutes of enjoyment—who is at once your slave and your tyrant, your genius and your doom—who brings you a crown in one hand and the oar of a galley slave in the other—who shows you all the kingdoms of the earth and offers to make you their master on condition that you become their servant!—have you nothing of that in you?

NAPOLEON. And you don't have that insatiable drive inside you that needs to be fed with action and victory—who demands constant effort day and night—making you work for weeks with intense labor just for ten minutes of pleasure—who is both your servant and your oppressor, your brilliance and your downfall—who gives you a crown in one hand and the oar of a slave in the other—who shows you all the kingdoms of the world and offers to make you their ruler if you agree to be their servant!—do you feel none of that within you?

GIUSEPPE. Nothing of it! Oh, I assure you, excellency, MY devouring devil is far worse than that. He offers me no crowns and kingdoms: he expects to get everything for nothing—sausages, omelettes, grapes, cheese, polenta, wine—three times a day, excellency: nothing less will content him.

GIUSEPPE. Not at all! Oh, I promise you, your excellency, MY insatiable devil is much worse than that. He doesn't offer me any crowns or kingdoms; he wants everything for free—sausages, omelets, grapes, cheese, polenta, wine—three times a day, your excellency: nothing less will satisfy him.

LIEUTENANT. Come, drop it, Giuseppe: you're making me feel hungry again.

LIEUTENANT. Come on, drop it, Giuseppe: you’re making me feel hungry again.

(Giuseppe, with an apologetic shrug, retires from the conversation, and busies himself at the table, dusting it, setting the map straight, and replacing Napoleon's chair, which the lady has pushed back.)

(Giuseppe, with an apologetic shrug, steps away from the conversation and occupies himself at the table, dusting it off, straightening the map, and putting Napoleon's chair back in place after the lady pushed it away.)

NAPOLEON (turning to the lieutenant with sardonic ceremony). I hope I have not been making you feel ambitious.

NAPOLEON (turning to the lieutenant with ironic formality). I hope I haven't been making you feel ambitious.

LIEUTENANT. Not at all: I don't fly so high. Besides: I'm better as I am: men like me are wanted in the army just now. The fact is, the Revolution was all very well for civilians; but it won't work in the army. You know what soldiers are, General: they WILL have men of family for their officers. A subaltern must be a gentleman, because he's so much in contact with the men. But a general, or even a colonel, may be any sort of riff-raff if he understands the shop well enough. A lieutenant is a gentleman: all the rest is chance. Why, who do you suppose won the battle of Lodi? I'll tell you. My horse did.

LIEUTENANT. Not at all: I don’t aim that high. Besides, I’m better off as I am: men like me are needed in the army right now. The truth is, the Revolution was great for civilians, but it doesn’t work in the military. You know how soldiers are, General: they want officers from good families. A junior officer has to be a gentleman because he interacts closely with the men. But a general, or even a colonel, can come from any background as long as he knows his stuff. A lieutenant is a gentleman; everything else is just luck. I mean, who do you think won the battle of Lodi? I’ll tell you. My horse did.

NAPOLEON (rising) Your folly is carrying you too far, sir. Take care.

NAPOLEON (standing up) You're taking this too far, sir. Be careful.

LIEUTENANT. Not a bit of it. You remember all that red-hot cannonade across the river: the Austrians blazing away at you to keep you from crossing, and you blazing away at them to keep them from setting the bridge on fire? Did you notice where I was then?

LIEUTENANT. Not at all. Do you remember all that intense cannon fire across the river? The Austrians shooting at you to stop you from crossing, and you firing back at them to prevent them from burning the bridge? Did you notice where I was during that?

NAPOLEON (with menacing politeness). I am sorry. I am afraid I was rather occupied at the moment.

NAPOLEON (with a threatening politeness). I'm sorry. I was a bit busy at that moment.

GIUSEPPE (with eager admiration). They say you jumped off your horse and worked the big guns with your own hands, General.

GIUSEPPE (with eager admiration). I heard you jumped off your horse and operated the heavy artillery yourself, General.

LIEUTENANT. That was a mistake: an officer should never let himself down to the level of his men. (Napoleon looks at him dangerously, and begins to walk tigerishly to and fro.) But you might have been firing away at the Austrians still, if we cavalry fellows hadn't found the ford and got across and turned old Beaulieu's flank for you. You know you daren't have given the order to charge the bridge if you hadn't seen us on the other side. Consequently, I say that whoever found that ford won the battle of Lodi. Well, who found it? I was the first man to cross: and I know. It was my horse that found it. (With conviction, as he rises from the couch.) That horse is the true conqueror of the Austrians.

LIEUTENANT. That was a mistake; an officer should never lower himself to the level of his soldiers. (Napoleon looks at him dangerously and starts pacing restlessly.) But you could have still been firing at the Austrians if we cavalry guys hadn't found the ford, crossed it, and outflanked old Beaulieu. You know you wouldn't have dared to order the charge at the bridge if you hadn't seen us on the other side. So, I say whoever found that ford won the battle of Lodi. Well, who found it? I was the first one to cross, and I know. It was my horse that spotted it. (With conviction, as he gets up from the couch.) That horse is the real hero against the Austrians.

NAPOLEON (passionately). You idiot: I'll have you shot for losing those despatches: I'll have you blown from the mouth of a cannon: nothing less could make any impression on you. (Baying at him.) Do you hear? Do you understand?

NAPOLEON (passionately). You idiot: I’ll have you shot for losing those dispatches: I’ll have you blown from the mouth of a cannon: nothing less could make any impression on you. (Baying at him.) Do you hear? Do you understand?

A French officer enters unobserved, carrying his sheathed sabre in his hand.

A French officer walks in unnoticed, holding his sheathed saber in his hand.

LIEUTENANT (unabashed). IF I don't capture him, General. Remember the if.

LIEUTENANT (unashamed). If I don't capture him, General. Just remember the if.

NAPOLEON. If! If!! Ass: there is no such man.

NAPOLEON. If! If!! Fool: there is no such man.

THE OFFICER (suddenly stepping between them and speaking in the unmistakable voice of the Strange Lady). Lieutenant: I am your prisoner. (She offers him her sabre. They are amazed. Napoleon gazes at her for a moment thunderstruck; then seizes her by the wrist and drags her roughly to him, looking closely and fiercely at her to satisfy himself as to her identity; for it now begins to darken rapidly into night, the red glow over the vineyard giving way to clear starlight.)

THE OFFICER (suddenly stepping between them and speaking in the unmistakable voice of the Strange Lady). Lieutenant: I’m your prisoner. (She offers him her sword. They are shocked. Napoleon stares at her for a moment, bewildered; then grabs her by the wrist and pulls her roughly toward him, examining her closely and intensely to confirm her identity; for it is now rapidly turning to night, the red glow over the vineyard fading into clear starlight.)

NAPOLEON. Pah! (He flings her hand away with an exclamation of disgust, and turns his back on her with his hand in his breast and his brow lowering.)

NAPOLEON. Ugh! (He throws her hand away with an expression of disgust and turns his back on her, his hand in his coat and his brow furrowed.)

LIEUTENANT (triumphantly, taking the sabre). No such man: eh, General? (To the Lady.) I say: where's my horse?

LIEUTENANT (triumphantly, grabbing the saber). No such guy, right, General? (To the Lady.) I ask: where's my horse?

LADY. Safe at Borghetto, waiting for you, Lieutenant.

LADY. Safe at Borghetto, waiting for you, Lieutenant.

NAPOLEON (turning on them). Where are the despatches?

NAPOLEON (turning to them). Where are the dispatches?

LADY. You would never guess. They are in the most unlikely place in the world. Did you meet my sister here, any of you?

LADY. You would never guess. They're in the most unexpected place in the world. Did any of you meet my sister here?

LIEUTENANT. Yes. Very nice woman. She's wonderfully like you; but of course she's better looking.

LIEUTENANT. Yeah. Really nice woman. She's a lot like you; but of course, she's better looking.

LADY (mysteriously). Well, do you know that she is a witch?

LADY (mysteriously). So, do you know that she's a witch?

GIUSEPPE (running down to them in terror, crossing himself). Oh, no, no, no. It is not safe to jest about such things. I cannot have it in my house, excellency.

GIUSEPPE (running down to them in terror, crossing himself). Oh, no, no, no. It’s not safe to joke about stuff like that. I can’t have it in my house, your excellency.

LIEUTENANT. Yes, drop it. You're my prisoner, you know. Of course I don't believe in any such rubbish; but still it's not a proper subject for joking.

LIEUTENANT. Yeah, just drop it. You're my prisoner, you know. I don't actually buy into that nonsense; but it's still not something we should joke about.

LADY. But this is very serious. My sister has bewitched the General. (Giuseppe and the Lieutenant recoil from Napoleon.) General: open your coat: you will find the despatches in the breast of it. (She puts her hand quickly on his breast.) Yes: there they are: I can feel them. Eh? (She looks up into his face half coaxingly, half mockingly.) Will you allow me, General? (She takes a button as if to unbutton his coat, and pauses for permission.)

LADY. But this is really serious. My sister has enchanted the General. (Giuseppe and the Lieutenant pull back from Napoleon.) General: open your coat; you'll find the documents inside. (She quickly places her hand on his chest.) Yes, there they are; I can feel them. Huh? (She looks up at him, half teasing, half flirty.) May I, General? (She grabs a button as if to unbutton his coat and pauses for permission.)

NAPOLEON (inscrutably). If you dare.

NAPOLEON (mysteriously). If you dare.

LADY. Thank you. (She opens his coat and takes out the despatches.) There! (To Giuseppe, showing him the despatches.) See!

LADY. Thank you. (She opens his coat and takes out the messages.) There! (To Giuseppe, showing him the messages.) See!

GIUSEPPE (flying to the outer door). No, in heaven's name! They're bewitched.

GIUSEPPE (flying to the outer door). No, for heaven's sake! They're under a spell.

LADY (turning to the Lieutenant). Here, Lieutenant: YOU'RE not afraid of them.

LADY (turning to the Lieutenant). Look, Lieutenant: YOU'RE not scared of them.

LIEUTENANT (retreating). Keep off. (Seizing the hilt of the sabre.) Keep off, I tell you.

LIEUTENANT (stepping back). Stay away. (Grabbing the handle of the saber.) Stay away, I said.

LADY (to Napoleon). They belong to you, General. Take them.

LADY (to Napoleon). They're yours, General. Take them.

GIUSEPPE. Don't touch them, excellency. Have nothing to do with them.

GIUSEPPE. Don't touch them, sir. Just stay away from them.

LIEUTENANT. Be careful, General: be careful.

LIEUTENANT. Watch out, General: watch out.

GIUSEPPE. Burn them. And burn the witch, too.

GIUSEPPE. Burn them. And burn the witch as well.

LADY (to Napoleon). Shall I burn them?

LADY (to Napoleon). Should I burn them?

NAPOLEON (thoughtfully). Yes, burn them. Giuseppe: go and fetch a light.

NAPOLEON (thoughtfully). Yeah, burn them. Giuseppe: go get a light.

GIUSEPPE (trembling and stammering). Do you mean go alone—in the dark—with a witch in the house?

GIUSEPPE (trembling and stuttering). You mean go by myself—in the dark—with a witch in the house?

NAPOLEON. Psha! You're a poltroon. (To the Lieutenant.) Oblige me by going, Lieutenant.

NAPOLEON. Pssh! You're such a coward. (To the Lieutenant.) Please do me a favor and leave, Lieutenant.

LIEUTENANT (remonstrating). Oh, I say, General! No, look here, you know: nobody can say I'm a coward after Lodi. But to ask me to go into the dark by myself without a candle after such an awful conversation is a little too much. How would you like to do it yourself?

LIEUTENANT (protesting). Come on, General! Seriously, no one can call me a coward after what happened at Lodi. But asking me to go into the dark alone without a light after that terrible conversation is just too much. How would you feel about doing it yourself?

NAPOLEON (irritably). You refuse to obey my order?

NAPOLEON (irritably). You’re refusing to follow my order?

LIEUTENANT (resolutely). Yes, I do. It's not reasonable. But I'll tell you what I'll do. If Giuseppe goes, I'll go with him and protect him.

LIEUTENANT (firmly). Yes, I do. It doesn’t make sense. But here’s what I’ll do. If Giuseppe goes, I’ll go with him and keep him safe.

NAPOLEON (to Giuseppe). There! will that satisfy you? Be off, both of you.

NAPOLEON (to Giuseppe). There! Will that make you happy? Get out of here, both of you.

GIUSEPPE (humbly, his lips trembling). W—willingly, your excellency. (He goes reluctantly towards the inner door.) Heaven protect me! (To the lieutenant.) After you, Lieutenant.

GIUSEPPE (humbly, his lips trembling). W—willingly, your excellency. (He goes reluctantly towards the inner door.) Heaven protect me! (To the lieutenant.) After you, Lieutenant.

LIEUTENANT. You'd better go first: I don't know the way.

LIEUTENANT. You should go ahead: I’m not sure of the way.

GIUSEPPE. You can't miss it. Besides (imploringly, laying his hand on his sleeve), I am only a poor innkeeper; and you are a man of family.

GIUSEPPE. You can't miss it. Besides (imploringly, putting his hand on his sleeve), I'm just a poor innkeeper; and you're a family man.

LIEUTENANT. There's something in that. Here: you needn't be in such a fright. Take my arm. (Giuseppe does so.) That's the way.(They go out, arm in arm. It is now starry night. The lady throws the packet on the table and seats herself at her ease on the couch enjoying the sensation of freedom from petticoats.)

LIEUTENANT. There's something to that. Here: you don’t need to be so scared. Take my arm. (Giuseppe does so.) That’s it. (They exit, arm in arm. It’s now a starry night. The lady tosses the packet on the table and relaxes on the couch, enjoying the feeling of being free from her petticoats.)

LADY. Well, General: I've beaten you.

LADY. Well, General: I've won against you.

NAPOLEON (walking about). You have been guilty of indelicacy—of unwomanliness. Do you consider that costume a proper one to wear?

NAPOLEON (walking around). You've been disrespectful—unladylike. Do you think that outfit is appropriate to wear?

LADY. It seems to me much the same as yours.

LADY. It looks to me just like yours.

NAPOLEON. Psha! I blush for you.

NAPOLEON. Pssh! I’m embarrassed for you.

LADY (naively). Yes: soldiers blush so easily! (He growls and turns away. She looks mischievously at him, balancing the despatches in her hand.) Wouldn't you like to read these before they're burnt, General? You must be dying with curiosity. Take a peep. (She throws the packet on the table, and turns her face away from it.) I won't look.

LADY (naively). Yes, soldiers get embarrassed so quickly! (He grumbles and turns away. She looks playfully at him, balancing the dispatches in her hand.) Wouldn't you like to read these before they’re burned, General? You must be so curious. Take a look. (She tosses the packet on the table and turns her face away from it.) I won’t peek.

NAPOLEON. I have no curiosity whatever, madame. But since you are evidently burning to read them, I give you leave to do so.

NAPOLEON. I have no curiosity at all, ma'am. But since you clearly can't wait to read them, I give you permission to go ahead.

LADY. Oh, I've read them already.

LADY. Oh, I've already read them.

NAPOLEON (starting). What!

NAPOLEON (starting). What the!

LADY. I read them the first thing after I rode away on that poor lieutenant's horse. So you see I know what's in them; and you don't.

LADY. I read them as soon as I rode off on that poor lieutenant's horse. So you see I know what's in them, and you don’t.

NAPOLEON. Excuse me: I read them there in the vineyard ten minutes ago.

NAPOLEON. Sorry, I just read them in the vineyard ten minutes ago.

LADY. Oh! (Jumping up.) Oh, General I've not beaten you. I do admire you so. (He laughs and pats her cheek.) This time really and truly without shamming, I do you homage (kissing his hand).

LADY. Oh! (Jumping up.) Oh, General, I haven’t defeated you. I admire you so much. (He laughs and pats her cheek.) This time, honestly and genuinely, I pay my respects to you (kissing his hand).

NAPOLEON (quickly withdrawing it). Brr! Don't do that. No more witchcraft.

NAPOLEON (quickly pulling it back). Brr! Don't do that. No more magic.

LADY. I want to say something to you—only you would misunderstand it.

LADY. I want to say something to you—only you would get it wrong.

NAPOLEON. Need that stop you?

NAPOLEON. Do you need that to stop you?

LADY. Well, it is this. I adore a man who is not afraid to be mean and selfish.

LADY. Well, it's this. I love a guy who's not afraid to be cruel and self-centered.

NAPOLEON (indignantly). I am neither mean nor selfish.

NAPOLEON (indignantly). I'm neither petty nor selfish.

LADY. Oh, you don't appreciate yourself. Besides, I don't really mean meanness and selfishness.

LADY. Oh, you don’t see your own worth. Also, I’m not actually talking about being mean or selfish.

NAPOLEON. Thank you. I thought perhaps you did.

NAPOLEON. Thanks. I thought maybe you did.

LADY. Well, of course I do. But what I mean is a certain strong simplicity about you.

LADY. Well, of course I do. But what I mean is a certain strong simplicity about you.

NAPOLEON. That's better.

NAPOLEON. That's an improvement.

LADY. You didn't want to read the letters; but you were curious about what was in them. So you went into the garden and read them when no one was looking, and then came back and pretended you hadn't. That's the meanest thing I ever knew any man do; but it exactly fulfilled your purpose; and so you weren't a bit afraid or ashamed to do it.

LADY. You didn’t want to read the letters, but you were curious about what they said. So you went into the garden and read them when no one was watching, then came back and pretended you hadn’t. That’s the meanest thing I’ve ever seen a guy do, but it served your purpose perfectly, so you weren’t afraid or ashamed at all to do it.

NAPOLEON (abruptly). Where did you pick up all these vulgar scruples—this (with contemptuous emphasis) conscience of yours? I took you for a lady—an aristocrat. Was your grandfather a shopkeeper, pray?

NAPOLEON (abruptly). Where did you get all these petty concerns—this (with contemptuous emphasis) conscience of yours? I thought you were a lady—an aristocrat. Was your grandfather a shopkeeper, by any chance?

LADY. No: he was an Englishman.

LADY. No: he’s British.

NAPOLEON. That accounts for it. The English are a nation of shopkeepers. Now I understand why you've beaten me.

NAPOLEON. That explains it. The English are a nation of shopkeepers. Now I get why you've defeated me.

LADY. Oh, I haven't beaten you. And I'm not English.

LADY. Oh, I haven't defeated you. And I'm not from England.

NAPOLEON. Yes, you are—English to the backbone. Listen to me: I will explain the English to you.

NAPOLEON. Yeah, you're definitely English through and through. Listen to me: I'll explain the English to you.

LADY (eagerly). Do. (With a lively air of anticipating an intellectual treat, she sits down on the couch and composes herself to listen to him. Secure of his audience, he at once nerves himself for a performance. He considers a little before he begins; so as to fix her attention by a moment of suspense. His style is at first modelled on Talma's in Corneille's "Cinna;" but it is somewhat lost in the darkness, and Talma presently gives way to Napoleon, the voice coming through the gloom with startling intensity.)

LADY (eagerly). Go ahead. (With an excited air of expecting something intellectually stimulating, she sits down on the couch and gets ready to listen to him. Confident of his audience, he immediately steels himself for the performance. He pauses briefly before he begins to create a moment of suspense that will catch her attention. His style initially mimics Talma's in Corneille's "Cinna," but it quickly fades in the darkness, and Talma soon gives way to Napoleon, the voice cutting through the gloom with surprising intensity.)

NAPOLEON. There are three sorts of people in the world, the low people, the middle people, and the high people. The low people and the high people are alike in one thing: they have no scruples, no morality. The low are beneath morality, the high above it. I am not afraid of either of them: for the low are unscrupulous without knowledge, so that they make an idol of me; whilst the high are unscrupulous without purpose, so that they go down before my will. Look you: I shall go over all the mobs and all the courts of Europe as a plough goes over a field. It is the middle people who are dangerous: they have both knowledge and purpose. But they, too, have their weak point. They are full of scruples—chained hand and foot by their morality and respectability.

NAPOLEON. There are three types of people in the world: the lower class, the middle class, and the upper class. The lower and upper classes share one thing in common: they lack scruples and morality. The lower class is beneath morality, while the upper class is above it. I'm not afraid of either group: the lower class is without scruples due to ignorance, which makes them idolize me, while the upper class is without scruples out of self-interest, allowing them to fall in line with my will. You see, I will move through all the crowds and courts of Europe like a plow through a field. It's the middle class that poses the real threat: they possess both knowledge and purpose. But they have their weakness too. They are bound by scruples—restricted by their morality and desire for respectability.

LADY. Then you will beat the English; for all shopkeepers are middle people.

LADY. Then you'll defeat the English, since all shopkeepers are intermediaries.

NAPOLEON. No, because the English are a race apart. No Englishman is too low to have scruples: no Englishman is high enough to be free from their tyranny. But every Englishman is born with a certain miraculous power that makes him master of the world. When he wants a thing, he never tells himself that he wants it. He waits patiently until there comes into his mind, no one knows how, a burning conviction that it is his moral and religious duty to conquer those who have got the thing he wants. Then he becomes irresistible. Like the aristocrat, he does what pleases him and grabs what he wants: like the shopkeeper, he pursues his purpose with the industry and steadfastness that come from strong religious conviction and deep sense of moral responsibility. He is never at a loss for an effective moral attitude. As the great champion of freedom and national independence, he conquers and annexes half the world, and calls it Colonization. When he wants a new market for his adulterated Manchester goods, he sends a missionary to teach the natives the gospel of peace. The natives kill the missionary: he flies to arms in defence of Christianity; fights for it; conquers for it; and takes the market as a reward from heaven. In defence of his island shores, he puts a chaplain on board his ship; nails a flag with a cross on it to his top-gallant mast; and sails to the ends of the earth, sinking, burning and destroying all who dispute the empire of the seas with him. He boasts that a slave is free the moment his foot touches British soil; and he sells the children of his poor at six years of age to work under the lash in his factories for sixteen hours a day. He makes two revolutions, and then declares war on our one in the name of law and order. There is nothing so bad or so good that you will not find Englishmen doing it; but you will never find an Englishman in the wrong. He does everything on principle. He fights you on patriotic principles; he robs you on business principles; he enslaves you on imperial principles; he bullies you on manly principles; he supports his king on loyal principles, and cuts off his king's head on republican principles. His watchword is always duty; and he never forgets that the nation which lets its duty get on the opposite side to its interest is lost. He—

NAPOLEON. No, because the English are a different breed. No Englishman is too low to have morals: no Englishman is high enough to escape their oppression. But every Englishman is born with a certain miraculous ability that makes him the master of the world. When he wants something, he never admits that he wants it. He patiently waits until he suddenly feels, for reasons no one understands, a strong belief that it's his moral and religious responsibility to conquer those who have what he desires. Then he becomes unstoppable. Like an aristocrat, he does what he wants and takes what he desires: like a shopkeeper, he goes after his goals with the hard work and determination that stem from strong religious beliefs and a deep sense of moral duty. He's never short of an effective moral stance. As the great defender of freedom and national independence, he takes over and claims half the world, calling it Colonization. When he needs a new market for his inferior Manchester goods, he sends a missionary to teach the locals the gospel of peace. When the locals kill the missionary, he takes up arms in defense of Christianity; he fights for it; he conquers for it; and he claims the market as a divine reward. To protect his home shores, he puts a chaplain on board his ship; he hoists a flag with a cross on it to his top mast; and he sails to the ends of the earth, sinking, burning, and destroying anyone who challenges his maritime empire. He boasts that a slave becomes free the moment they step on British soil; yet he sells poor children at six years old to work under harsh conditions in his factories for sixteen hours a day. He starts two revolutions and then declares war on our single one in the name of law and order. There's nothing too bad or too good that you won't find Englishmen doing, but you'll never find an Englishman in the wrong. He does everything based on principle. He fights you on patriotic grounds; he robs you on business grounds; he enslaves you on imperial grounds; he intimidates you on manly grounds; he supports his king on loyal grounds and beheads his king on republican grounds. His motto is always duty; he never forgets that the nation that allows its duty to conflict with its interests is doomed. He—

LADY. W-w-w-w-w-wh! Do stop a moment. I want to know how you make me out to be English at this rate.

LADY. W-w-w-w-w-wh! Please hold on for a second. I want to understand how you think I'm English at this point.

NAPOLEON (dropping his rhetorical style). It's plain enough. You wanted some letters that belonged to me. You have spent the morning in stealing them—yes, stealing them, by highway robbery. And you have spent the afternoon in putting me in the wrong about them—in assuming that it was I who wanted to steal YOUR letters—in explaining that it all came about through my meanness and selfishness, and your goodness, your devotion, your self-sacrifice. That's English.

NAPOLEON (dropping his theatrical tone). It's quite simple. You wanted some letters that were mine. You spent the morning stealing them—yes, stealing them, like a common thief. And you spent the afternoon trying to make me look bad about it—acting as if I was the one trying to take YOUR letters—claiming that this all happened because of my petty nature and selfishness, and your kindness, your dedication, your selflessness. That's what it is.

LADY. Nonsense. I am sure I am not a bit English. The English are a very stupid people.

LADY. Nonsense. I'm sure I'm not even a bit English. The English are a really stupid people.

NAPOLEON. Yes, too stupid sometimes to know when they're beaten. But I grant that your brains are not English. You see, though your grandfather was an Englishman, your grandmother was—what? A Frenchwoman?

NAPOLEON. Yes, sometimes they're too foolish to recognize when they're defeated. But I admit that your intelligence isn’t very English. You see, even though your grandfather was English, your grandmother was—what? A Frenchwoman?

LADY. Oh, no. An Irishwoman.

LADY. Oh no. An Irish woman.

NAPOLEON (quickly). Irish! (Thoughtfully.) Yes: I forgot the Irish. An English army led by an Irish general: that might be a match for a French army led by an Italian general. (He pauses, and adds, half jestingly, half moodily) At all events, YOU have beaten me; and what beats a man first will beat him last. (He goes meditatively into the moonlit vineyard and looks up. She steals out after him. She ventures to rest her hand on his shoulder, overcome by the beauty of the night and emboldened by its obscurity.)

NAPOLEON (quickly). Irish! (Thoughtfully.) Right: I forgot about the Irish. An English army led by an Irish general could actually stand up to a French army led by an Italian general. (He pauses and adds, half-joking, half-seriously) Anyway, you’ve defeated me; and what beats a man first will beat him last. (He walks thoughtfully into the moonlit vineyard and looks up. She quietly follows him out. She dares to rest her hand on his shoulder, moved by the beauty of the night and encouraged by the darkness.)

LADY (softly). What are you looking at?

LADY (softly). What are you staring at?

NAPOLEON (pointing up). My star.

NAPOLEON (pointing up). My star.

LADY. You believe in that?

LADY. Do you believe in that?

NAPOLEON. I do. (They look at it for a moment, she leaning a little on his shoulder.)

NAPOLEON. I do. (They look at it for a moment, she leaning a bit on his shoulder.)

LADY. Do you know that the English say that a man's star is not complete without a woman's garter?

LADY. Did you know that the English say a man isn't truly complete without a woman's garter?

NAPOLEON (scandalized—abruptly shaking her off and coming back into the room). Pah! The hypocrites! If the French said that, how they would hold up their hands in pious horror! (He goes to the inner door and holds it open, shouting) Hallo! Giuseppe. Where's that light, man. (He comes between the table and the sideboard, and moves the chair to the table, beside his own.) We have still to burn the letter. (He takes up the packet. Giuseppe comes back, pale and still trembling, carrying a branched candlestick with a couple of candles alight, in one hand, and a broad snuffers tray in the other.)

NAPOLEON (shocked—suddenly shaking her off and returning to the room). Ugh! The hypocrites! If the French heard that, they would clutch their pearls in feigned horror! (He goes to the inner door and holds it open, shouting) Hey! Giuseppe. Where's that light, man? (He steps between the table and the sideboard, moving the chair to the table next to his own.) We still need to burn the letter. (He picks up the packet. Giuseppe comes back, pale and still shaking, carrying a candelabra with a couple of lit candles in one hand, and a wide snuffer tray in the other.)

GIUSEPPE (piteously, as he places the light on the table). Excellency: what were you looking up at just now—out there? (He points across his shoulder to the vineyard, but is afraid to look round.)

GIUSEPPE (sadly, as he sets the light on the table). Excellency: what were you looking at just now—out there? (He gestures over his shoulder towards the vineyard, but is hesitant to turn around.)

NAPOLEON (unfolding the packet). What is that to you?

NAPOLEON (opening the packet). What does that matter to you?

GIUSEPPE (stammering). Because the witch is gone—vanished; and no one saw her go out.

GIUSEPPE (stammering). Because the witch is gone—she just disappeared; and no one saw her leave.

LADY (coming behind him from the vineyard). We were watching her riding up to the moon on your broomstick, Giuseppe. You will never see her again.

LADY (coming up behind him from the vineyard). We saw her riding up to the moon on your broomstick, Giuseppe. You won't see her again.

GIUSEPPE. Gesu Maria! (He crosses himself and hurries out.)

GIUSEPPE. Jesus, Mary! (He crosses himself and rushes out.)

NAPOLEON (throwing down the letters in a heap on the table). Now. (He sits down at the table in the chair which he has just placed.)

NAPOLEON (throwing the letters down in a pile on the table). Now. (He sits down at the table in the chair he just arranged.)

LADY. Yes; but you know you have THE letter in your pocket. (He smiles; takes a letter from his pocket; and tosses it on the top of the heap. She holds it up and looks at him, saying) About Caesar's wife.

LADY. Yes; but you know you have the letter in your pocket. (He smiles; takes a letter from his pocket; and tosses it on top of the pile. She holds it up and looks at him, saying) About Caesar's wife.

NAPOLEON. Caesar's wife is above suspicion. Burn it.

NAPOLEON. Caesar's wife is above suspicion. Burn it.

LADY (taking up the snuffers and holding the letter to the candle flame with it). I wonder would Caesar's wife be above suspicion if she saw us here together!

LADY (picking up the snuffers and holding the letter to the candle flame with it). I wonder if Caesar's wife would be above suspicion if she saw us here together!

NAPOLEON (echoing her, with his elbows on the table and his cheeks on his hands, looking at the letter). I wonder! (The Strange Lady puts the letter down alight on the snuffers tray, and sits down beside Napoleon, in the same attitude, elbows on table, cheeks on hands, watching it burn. When it is burnt, they simultaneously turn their eyes and look at one another. The curtain steals down and hides them.)

NAPOLEON (repeating her, with his elbows on the table and his cheeks resting on his hands, staring at the letter). I wonder! (The Strange Lady places the letter down gently on the snuffers tray and sits down next to Napoleon, mirroring his posture, elbows on the table, cheeks in hands, watching it burn. Once it’s burnt, they both shift their gaze and look at each other. The curtain slowly descends and covers them.)






Download ePUB

If you like this ebook, consider a donation!