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TALES AND FANTASIES
BY
BY
ROBERT LOUIS STEVENSON
ROBERT LOUIS STEVENSON
LONDON
LONDON
CHATTO & WINDUS
1905
CHATTO & WINDUS
1905
p. vCONTENTS
THE MISADVENTURES OF JOHN NICHOLSON JOHN NICHOLSON'S MISADVENTURES |
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CHAP. CHAP. |
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PAGE PAGE |
I. I. |
IN WHICH JOHN SOWS THE WIND IN WHICH JOHN SOWS THE WIND |
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II. II. |
IN WHICH JOHN REAPS THE WHIRLWIND WHERE JOHN FACES THE CONSEQUENCES |
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III. III. |
IN WHICH JOHN ENJOYS THE HARVEST HOME WHERE JOHN CELEBRATES HARVEST HOME |
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IV. IV. |
THE SECOND SOWING SECOND SOWING |
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V. V. |
THE PRODIGAL’S RETURN The Prodigal's Return |
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VI. VI. |
THE HOUSE AT MURRAYFIELD THE HOUSE AT MURRAYFIELD |
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VII. VII. |
A TRAGI-COMEDY IN A CAB A TRAGI-COMEDY IN A CAB |
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VIII. VIII. |
SINGULAR INSTANCE OF THE UTILITY OF PASS-KEYS SINGLE EXAMPLE OF USING PASS-KEYS |
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IX. IX. |
IN WHICH MR. NICHOLSON ACCEPTS THE PRINCIPLE OF AN ALLOWANCE IN WHICH MR. NICHOLSON AGREE TO THE IDEA OF AN ALLOWANCE |
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THE BODY-SNATCHER The Body Snatcher |
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THE STORY OF A LIE THE STORY OF A LIE |
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I. I. |
INTRODUCES THE ADMIRAL MEET THE ADMIRAL |
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II. II. |
A LETTER TO THE PAPERS A LETTER TO THE EDITOR |
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III. III. |
IN THE ADMIRAL’S NAME IN THE ADMIRAL’S NAME |
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IV. IV. |
ESTHER ON THE FILIAL RELATION ESTHER ON FAMILY RELATIONSHIP |
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V. V. |
THE PRODIGAL FATHER MAKES HIS DEBUT AT HOME THE PRODIGAL FATHER RETURNS HOME |
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VI. VI. |
THE PRODIGAL FATHER GOES ON FROM STRENGTH TO STRENGTH THE PRODIGAL FATHER CONTINUES TO GROW IN STRENGTH |
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VII. VII. |
THE ELOPEMENT THE ELOPEMENT |
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VIII. VIII. |
BATTLE ROYAL Battle Royale |
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IX. IX. |
IN WHICH THE LIBERAL EDITOR RE-APPEARS AS ‘DEUS EX MACHINA’ WHERE THE LIBERAL EDITOR RE-APPEARS AS ‘GOD FROM THE MACHINE’ |
THE MISADVENTURES OF JOHN NICHOLSON
p. 1CHAPTER I—IN WHICH JOHN SOWS THE WIND
John Varey Nicholson was stupid; yet, stupider men than he are now sprawling in Parliament, and lauding themselves as the authors of their own distinction. He was of a fat habit, even from boyhood, and inclined to a cheerful and cursory reading of the face of life; and possibly this attitude of mind was the original cause of his misfortunes. Beyond this hint philosophy is silent on his career, and superstition steps in with the more ready explanation that he was detested of the gods.
John Varey Nicholson was not very bright; however, there are even less intelligent people than him now sitting in Parliament, praising themselves as the creators of their own success. He was always on the heavier side, even as a child, and had a cheerful and superficial way of looking at life; perhaps this mindset was the root of his troubles. Beyond this suggestion, philosophy has nothing to say about his life, and superstition offers a simpler explanation: that the gods were not fond of him.
His father—that iron gentleman—had long ago enthroned himself on the heights of the Disruption Principles. What these are (and in spite of their grim name they are quite innocent) no array of terms would render thinkable to the merely English intelligence; but to the Scot they often prove unctuously nourishing, and Mr. Nicholson found in them the milk of lions. About the period when the churches convene at Edinburgh in their annual assemblies, he was to be seen descending the Mound in the company of divers red-headed clergymen: these voluble, he only contributing oracular nods, brief negatives, and the austere spectacle of his stretched upper lip. The names of Candlish and Begg were frequent in these interviews, and occasionally the talk ran on the Residuary Establishment and the doings of one Lee. A stranger to the tight little theological kingdom of Scotland might have listened and gathered literally nothing. And Mr. Nicholson (who was not a dull man) knew this, and raged at it. He knew there was a vast world outside, to whom Disruption Principles were as the chatter of tree-top apes; the paper brought him chill whiffs from it; he had met Englishmen who had asked lightly if he did not belong to the Church of Scotland, and then had failed to be much interested by his elucidation of that nice point; it was an evil, wild, rebellious world, lying sunk in dozenedness, for nothing short of a Scots word will paint this Scotsman’s feelings. And when he entered into his own house in Randolph Crescent (south side), and shut the door behind him, his heart swelled with security. Here, at least, was a citadel impregnable by right-hand defections or left-hand extremes. Here was a family where prayers came at the same hour, where the Sabbath literature was unimpeachably selected, where the guest who should have leaned to any false opinion was instantly set down, and over which there reigned all week, and grew denser on Sundays, a silence that was agreeable to his ear, and a gloom that he found comfortable.
His father—that tough guy—had long ago placed himself atop the Disruption Principles. What these are (and despite their serious name, they're actually quite harmless) would be impossible for the average English person to grasp; but for Scots, they're often quite nourishing, and Mr. Nicholson found them incredibly valuable. Around the time when the churches gather in Edinburgh for their annual meetings, he could be seen coming down the Mound with a group of various red-headed clergymen: while they chatted animatedly, he mainly offered solemn nods, brief negatives, and the serious sight of his tight upper lip. The names Candlish and Begg frequently came up in these discussions, and sometimes they talked about the Residuary Establishment and a guy named Lee. A newcomer to the small theological realm of Scotland might have listened without understanding a thing. Mr. Nicholson (who wasn't dull) was aware of this and it frustrated him. He knew there was a vast world outside, for whom the Disruption Principles were as meaningless as the chatter of monkeys; the paper brought him cold reminders of that world; he had met English people who casually asked if he was part of the Church of Scotland, and then seemed uninterested in his explanation of that delicate issue; it was a wild, rebellious world, steeped in confusion, for only a Scots word can truly express this Scotsman’s feelings. And when he stepped into his house on Randolph Crescent (south side) and closed the door behind him, his heart filled with a sense of safety. Here, at least, was a fortress that couldn’t be shaken by right or left extremes. Here was a family where prayers happened at the same time, where the Sabbath reading was perfectly curated, where any guest with misguided views was promptly corrected, and where a silence, pleasing to his ears, reigned all week long and grew heavier on Sundays, creating a cozy gloom that he enjoyed.
Mrs. Nicholson had died about thirty, and left him with three children: a daughter two years, and a son about eight years younger than John; and John himself, the unlucky bearer of a name infamous in English history. The daughter, Maria, was a good girl—dutiful, pious, dull, but so easily startled that to speak to her was quite a perilous enterprise. ‘I don’t think I care to talk about that, if you please,’ she would say, and strike the boldest speechless by her unmistakable pain; this upon all topics—dress, pleasure, morality, politics, in which the formula was changed to ‘my papa thinks otherwise,’ and even religion, unless it was approached with a particular whining tone of voice. Alexander, the younger brother, was sickly, clever, fond of books and drawing, and full of satirical remarks. In the midst of these, imagine that natural, clumsy, unintelligent, and mirthful animal, John; mighty well-behaved in comparison with other lads, although not up to the mark of the house in Randolph Crescent; full of a sort of blundering affection, full of caresses, which were never very warmly received; full of sudden and loud laughter which rang out in that still house like curses. Mr. Nicholson himself had a great fund of humour, of the Scots order—intellectual, turning on the observation of men; his own character, for instance—if he could have seen it in another—would have been a rare feast to him; but his son’s empty guffaws over a broken plate, and empty, almost light-hearted remarks, struck him with pain as the indices of a weak mind.
Mrs. Nicholson had passed away at about thirty, leaving him with three children: a daughter who was two years old and a son who was around eight years younger than John; and John himself, the unfortunate bearer of a name notorious in English history. The daughter, Maria, was a good girl—obedient, religious, somewhat dull, but so easily startled that talking to her could be quite a risky endeavor. “I don’t think I want to talk about that, if you don’t mind,” she would say, rendering even the boldest speechless with her obvious discomfort; this applied to all subjects—clothes, fun, morals, politics, where the response would change to “my dad thinks differently,” and even religion, unless it was approached with a specific whiny tone. Alexander, the younger brother, was frail, smart, passionate about books and drawing, and full of sarcastic comments. Among them was John, the natural, awkward, simple, and cheerful kid; relatively well-behaved compared to other boys, although he didn't quite live up to the standards of the household in Randolph Crescent; overflowing with a kind of clumsy affection, offering hugs that were seldom warmly received; bursting into sudden loud laughter that echoed through the quiet house like an insult. Mr. Nicholson himself had a deep sense of humor, of the Scottish variety—intellectual, focused on observing people; if he could have viewed his own character through someone else's eyes, it would have been an extraordinary treat for him; but his son’s mindless laughter over a shattered plate and his thoughtless, almost carefree comments caused him pain, serving as signs of a weak intellect.
Outside the family John had early attached himself (much as a dog may follow a marquis) to the steps of Alan Houston, a lad about a year older than himself, idle, a trifle wild, the heir to a good estate which was still in the hands of a rigorous trustee, and so royally content with himself that he took John’s devotion as a thing of course. The intimacy was gall to Mr. Nicholson; it took his son from the house, and he was a jealous parent; it kept him from the office, and he was a martinet; lastly, Mr. Nicholson was ambitious for his family (in which, and the Disruption Principles, he entirely lived), and he hated to see a son of his play second fiddle to an idler. After some hesitation, he ordered that the friendship should cease—an unfair command, though seemingly inspired by the spirit of prophecy; and John, saying nothing, continued to disobey the order under the rose.
Outside the family, John had quickly attached himself (like a dog might follow a nobleman) to the side of Alan Houston, a guy about a year older than him, who was lazy, a bit rebellious, and the heir to a nice estate still managed by a strict trustee. Alan was so confident in himself that he took John's loyalty for granted. Mr. Nicholson couldn’t stand this closeness; it took his son away from home, and he was a jealous parent. It kept John from the office, and he was a strict disciplinarian. Lastly, Mr. Nicholson was ambitious for his family (which he fully invested in, along with the Disruption Principles), and he hated to see his son play second fiddle to a slacker. After some hesitation, he commanded that the friendship end—an unjust order, though it seemed to come from a sense of foresight. John, saying nothing, went on to quietly disobey the command.
John was nearly nineteen when he was one day dismissed rather earlier than usual from his father’s office, where he was studying the practice of the law. It was Saturday; and except that he had a matter of four hundred pounds in his pocket which it was his duty to hand over to the British Linen Company’s Bank, he had the whole afternoon at his disposal. He went by Princes Street enjoying the mild sunshine, and the little thrill of easterly wind that tossed the flags along that terrace of palaces, and tumbled the green trees in the garden. The band was playing down in the valley under the castle; and when it came to the turn of the pipers, he heard their wild sounds with a stirring of the blood. Something distantly martial woke in him; and he thought of Miss Mackenzie, whom he was to meet that day at dinner.
John was almost nineteen when he was let go a bit earlier than usual from his dad's office, where he was learning about law. It was Saturday; and besides having four hundred pounds in his pocket that he needed to deposit at the British Linen Company’s Bank, he had the whole afternoon free. He walked along Princes Street, enjoying the mild sunshine and the refreshing easterly breeze that fluttered the flags along the row of grand buildings and rustled the green trees in the garden. The band was playing down in the valley beneath the castle, and when it was the pipers' turn, their lively music stirred something deep within him. A distant sense of adventure awakened in him, and he thought about Miss Mackenzie, whom he was set to meet for dinner that evening.
Now, it is undeniable that he should have gone directly to the bank, but right in the way stood the billiard-room of the hotel where Alan was almost certain to be found; and the temptation proved too strong. He entered the billiard-room, and was instantly greeted by his friend, cue in hand.
Now, it's clear that he should have gone straight to the bank, but right in his path was the hotel's billiard room, where Alan was pretty much guaranteed to be; and the temptation was just too strong. He walked into the billiard room and was immediately greeted by his friend, cue in hand.
‘Nicholson,’ said he, ‘I want you to lend me a pound or two till Monday.’
‘Nicholson,’ he said, ‘I need you to lend me a couple of pounds until Monday.’
‘You’ve come to the right shop, haven’t you?’ returned John. ‘I have twopence.’
‘You’ve come to the right shop, haven’t you?’ John replied. ‘I have two pence.’
‘Nonsense,’ said Alan. ‘You can get some. Go and borrow at your tailor’s; they all do it. Or I’ll tell you what: pop your watch.’
‘That’s ridiculous,’ said Alan. ‘You can get some. Go and borrow from your tailor; they all do it. Or I’ve got an idea: sell your watch.’
‘Oh, yes, I dare say,’ said John. ‘And how about my father?’
‘Oh, yes, I definitely would,’ said John. ‘And what about my dad?’
‘How is he to know? He doesn’t wind it up for you at night, does he?’ inquired Alan, at which John guffawed. ‘No, seriously; I am in a fix,’ continued the tempter. ‘I have lost some money to a man here. I’ll give it you to-night, and you can get the heir-loom out again on Monday. Come; it’s a small service, after all. I would do a good deal more for you.’
‘How is he supposed to know? He doesn’t wind it up for you at night, does he?’ asked Alan, to which John laughed loudly. ‘No, seriously; I’m in a tough spot,’ the tempter continued. ‘I lost some money to a guy here. I’ll pay you back tonight, and you can get the heirloom out again on Monday. Come on; it’s a small favor, after all. I would do a lot more for you.’
Whereupon John went forth, and pawned his gold watch under the assumed name of John Froggs, 85 Pleasance. But the nervousness that assailed him at the door of that inglorious haunt—a pawnshop—and the effort necessary to invent the pseudonym (which, somehow, seemed to him a necessary part of the procedure), had taken more time than he imagined: and when he returned to the billiard-room with the spoils, the bank had already closed its doors.
Whereupon John went out and pawned his gold watch under the fake name of John Froggs, 85 Pleasance. But the anxiety that hit him at the entrance of that shameful place—a pawnshop—and the effort it took to come up with the pseudonym (which, for some reason, felt like an essential part of the process) took longer than he thought. By the time he got back to the billiard room with the money, the bank had already closed its doors.
This was a shrewd knock. ‘A piece of business had been neglected.’ He heard these words in his father’s trenchant voice, and trembled, and then dodged the thought. After all, who was to know? He must carry four hundred pounds about with him till Monday, when the neglect could be surreptitiously repaired; and meanwhile, he was free to pass the afternoon on the encircling divan of the billiard-room, smoking his pipe, sipping a pint of ale, and enjoying to the masthead the modest pleasures of admiration.
This was a clever knock. “A piece of business had been overlooked.” He heard these words in his father's sharp voice, and he felt a shiver, then pushed the thought away. After all, who would know? He had to carry four hundred pounds with him until Monday, when the oversight could be quietly fixed; and in the meantime, he was free to spend the afternoon lounging on the surrounding couch of the billiard room, smoking his pipe, sipping a pint of ale, and fully enjoying the simple pleasures of admiration.
None can admire like a young man. Of all youth’s passions and pleasures, this is the most common and least alloyed; and every flash of Alan’s black eyes; every aspect of his curly head; every graceful reach, every easy, stand-off attitude of waiting; ay, and down to his shirt-sleeves and wrist-links, were seen by John through a luxurious glory. He valued himself by the possession of that royal friend, hugged himself upon the thought, and swam in warm azure; his own defects, like vanquished difficulties, becoming things on which to plume himself. Only when he thought of Miss Mackenzie there fell upon his mind a shadow of regret; that young lady was worthy of better things than plain John Nicholson, still known among schoolmates by the derisive name of ‘Fatty’; and he felt, if he could chalk a cue, or stand at ease, with such a careless grace as Alan, he could approach the object of his sentiments with a less crushing sense of inferiority.
No one can admire like a young man. Of all the passions and pleasures of youth, this is the most common and pure; every glimpse of Alan’s dark eyes, every view of his curly hair, every graceful stretch, every relaxed stance while waiting, right down to his rolled-up shirt sleeves and wrist links, was seen by John through a luxurious haze. He took pride in having such a royal friend, basking in the thought, and swimming in warm happiness; his own flaws, like conquered challenges, became things he could feel good about. Only when he thought of Miss Mackenzie did a shadow of regret cloud his mind; that young woman deserved better than plain John Nicholson, still teased by his classmates with the nickname ‘Fatty.’ He felt that if he could chalk a cue or stand with the same relaxed confidence as Alan, he could approach the object of his affections with less of a crushing sense of inferiority.
Before they parted, Alan made a proposal that was startling in the extreme. He would be at Colette’s that night about twelve, he said. Why should not John come there and get the money? To go to Colette’s was to see life, indeed; it was wrong; it was against the laws; it partook, in a very dingy manner, of adventure. Were it known, it was the sort of exploit that disconsidered a young man for good with the more serious classes, but gave him a standing with the riotous. And yet Colette’s was not a hell; it could not come, without vaulting hyperbole, under the rubric of a gilded saloon; and, if it was a sin to go there, the sin was merely local and municipal. Colette (whose name I do not know how to spell, for I was never in epistolary communication with that hospitable outlaw) was simply an unlicensed publican, who gave suppers after eleven at night, the Edinburgh hour of closing. If you belonged to a club, you could get a much better supper at the same hour, and lose not a jot in public esteem. But if you lacked that qualification, and were an hungered, or inclined toward conviviality at unlawful hours, Colette’s was your only port. You were very ill-supplied. The company was not recruited from the Senate or the Church, though the Bar was very well represented on the only occasion on which I flew in the face of my country’s laws, and, taking my reputation in my hand, penetrated into that grim supper-house. And Colette’s frequenters, thrillingly conscious of wrong-doing and ‘that two-handed engine (the policeman) at the door,’ were perhaps inclined to somewhat feverish excess. But the place was in no sense a very bad one; and it is somewhat strange to me, at this distance of time, how it had acquired its dangerous repute.
Before they left, Alan made an extremely surprising suggestion. He said he would be at Colette’s that night around midnight. Why shouldn’t John come there to get the money? Going to Colette’s was a taste of real life; it was wrong and against the rules, but it had a certain adventurous thrill to it. If people found out, it could ruin a young man's reputation with the serious crowd, but it could elevate him with the wild ones. Yet, Colette’s wasn’t a hellhole; it wouldn’t fit the description of a fancy bar without exaggeration, and if going there was a sin, it was just a local one. Colette (I don’t know how to spell her name since I’ve never corresponded with that warm-hearted outlaw) was simply an unlicensed bar owner who served food after eleven at night, which was when Edinburgh's bars were supposed to close. If you were part of a club, you could have a much better meal at that hour without losing any social respect. But if you didn’t have that privilege and were hungry or wanted to socialize at late hours, Colette’s was your only option. You were really out of luck. The crowd wasn’t made up of politicians or church members, though the legal profession was well represented the one time I dared to break the law and entered that gloomy eatery. The regulars at Colette’s, fully aware of their misbehavior and “that two-handed enforcer (the policeman) at the door,” tended to indulge a bit too much. But the place wasn’t really that bad; it’s strange to think about how it gained its infamous reputation over time.
In precisely the same spirit as a man may debate a project to ascend the Matterhorn or to cross Africa, John considered Alan’s proposal, and, greatly daring, accepted it. As he walked home, the thoughts of this excursion out of the safe places of life into the wild and arduous, stirred and struggled in his imagination with the image of Miss Mackenzie—incongruous and yet kindred thoughts, for did not each imply unusual tightening of the pegs of resolution? did not each woo him forth and warn him back again into himself?
In exactly the same way that a guy might discuss a plan to climb the Matterhorn or travel across Africa, John thought about Alan’s suggestion and, feeling bold, agreed to it. As he walked home, the idea of this journey from the safety of everyday life into the challenging and wild stirred in his mind, battling with the image of Miss Mackenzie—odd yet familiar thoughts, since weren’t they both pushing him to strengthen his resolve? Didn’t each one entice him to step out while also pulling him back into himself?
Between these two considerations, at least, he was more than usually moved; and when he got to Randolph Crescent, he quite forgot the four hundred pounds in the inner pocket of his greatcoat, hung up the coat, with its rich freight, upon his particular pin of the hatstand; and in the very action sealed his doom.
Between these two thoughts, he was more affected than usual; and when he arrived at Randolph Crescent, he completely forgot about the four hundred pounds in the inner pocket of his greatcoat. He hung up the coat, loaded with its valuable cargo, on his special hook on the hatstand; and in that very moment, he sealed his fate.
p. 10CHAPTER II—IN WHICH JOHN REAPS THE WHIRLWIND
About half-past ten it was John’s brave good fortune to offer his arm to Miss Mackenzie, and escort her home. The night was chill and starry; all the way eastward the trees of the different gardens rustled and looked black. Up the stone gully of Leith Walk, when they came to cross it, the breeze made a rush and set the flames of the street-lamps quavering; and when at last they had mounted to the Royal Terrace, where Captain Mackenzie lived, a great salt freshness came in their faces from the sea. These phases of the walk remained written on John’s memory, each emphasised by the touch of that light hand on his arm; and behind all these aspects of the nocturnal city he saw, in his mind’s-eye, a picture of the lighted drawing-room at home where he had sat talking with Flora; and his father, from the other end, had looked on with a kind and ironical smile. John had read the significance of that smile, which might have escaped a stranger. Mr. Nicholson had remarked his son’s entanglement with satisfaction, tinged by humour; and his smile, if it still was a thought contemptuous, had implied consent.
Around half-past ten, John had the lucky opportunity to offer his arm to Miss Mackenzie and walk her home. The night was chilly and starry; the trees in the various gardens rustled and appeared dark as they moved eastward. As they crossed the stone gully of Leith Walk, a gust of wind rushed by, making the flames of the street lamps flicker; and when they finally reached the Royal Terrace, where Captain Mackenzie lived, a refreshing salty breeze from the sea greeted them. These moments of the walk were etched in John's memory, each highlighted by the touch of her light hand on his arm. Behind all these images of the nighttime city, he envisioned the lit drawing-room at home where he had been talking with Flora, while his father watched from the other end with a kind yet ironic smile. John understood the meaning behind that smile, which might have gone unnoticed by someone else. Mr. Nicholson viewed his son's situation with a mix of satisfaction and humor; and while his smile may have seemed somewhat dismissive, it also conveyed approval.
At the captain’s door the girl held out her hand, with a certain emphasis; and John took it and kept it a little longer, and said, ‘Good-night, Flora, dear,’ and was instantly thrown into much fear by his presumption. But she only laughed, ran up the steps, and rang the bell; and while she was waiting for the door to open, kept close in the porch, and talked to him from that point as out of a fortification. She had a knitted shawl over her head; her blue Highland eyes took the light from the neighbouring street-lamp and sparkled; and when the door opened and closed upon her, John felt cruelly alone.
At the captain’s door, the girl extended her hand with a definite emphasis; John took it and held on for a moment longer, saying, "Good-night, Flora, dear," instantly feeling a rush of fear from his boldness. But she just laughed, dashed up the steps, and rang the bell. While waiting for the door to open, she stood close in the porch and spoke to him as if from a fortress. She had a knitted shawl over her head; her blue Highland eyes caught the light from the nearby streetlamp and sparkled. When the door opened and closed behind her, John felt painfully alone.
He proceeded slowly back along the terrace in a tender glow; and when he came to Greenside Church, he halted in a doubtful mind. Over the crown of the Calton Hill, to his left, lay the way to Colette’s, where Alan would soon be looking for his arrival, and where he would now have no more consented to go than he would have wilfully wallowed in a bog; the touch of the girl’s hand on his sleeve, and the kindly light in his father’s eyes, both loudly forbidding. But right before him was the way home, which pointed only to bed, a place of little ease for one whose fancy was strung to the lyrical pitch, and whose not very ardent heart was just then tumultuously moved. The hilltop, the cool air of the night, the company of the great monuments, the sight of the city under his feet, with its hills and valleys and crossing files of lamps, drew him by all he had of the poetic, and he turned that way; and by that quite innocent deflection, ripened the crop of his venial errors for the sickle of destiny.
He walked slowly back along the terrace, feeling a warm glow; and when he reached Greenside Church, he paused, unsure of himself. To his left was the path to Colette’s, where Alan would soon expect him, and going there felt as appealing as willingly wading through a swamp; the way the girl touched his sleeve and the gentle look in his father’s eyes both clearly discouraged him. But right in front of him was the way home, leading only to bed, a place of little comfort for someone whose thoughts were soaring with creativity, and whose heart, not very passionate, was currently in turmoil. The hilltop, the cool night air, the presence of the grand monuments, and the view of the city below, with its hills and valleys and twinkling rows of lights, called out to his poetic side, so he chose that direction; and with that innocent choice, he unknowingly set in motion a series of minor mistakes ripe for fate to harvest.
On a seat on the hill above Greenside he sat for perhaps half an hour, looking down upon the lamps of Edinburgh, and up at the lamps of heaven. Wonderful were the resolves he formed; beautiful and kindly were the vistas of future life that sped before him. He uttered to himself the name of Flora in so many touching and dramatic keys, that he became at length fairly melted with tenderness, and could have sung aloud. At that juncture a certain creasing in his greatcoat caught his ear. He put his hand into his pocket, pulled forth the envelope that held the money, and sat stupefied. The Calton Hill, about this period, had an ill name of nights; and to be sitting there with four hundred pounds that did not belong to him was hardly wise. He looked up. There was a man in a very bad hat a little on one side of him, apparently looking at the scenery; from a little on the other a second night-walker was drawing very quietly near. Up jumped John. The envelope fell from his hands; he stooped to get it, and at the same moment both men ran in and closed with him.
On a seat on the hill above Greenside, he sat for maybe half an hour, gazing down at the lights of Edinburgh and up at the stars above. The ideas he came up with were amazing; the beautiful and kind visions of his future life flashed before him. He whispered Flora's name to himself in so many emotional and dramatic tones that he felt completely overwhelmed with affection and could have sung out loud. Just then, he noticed a rustling in his greatcoat. He reached into his pocket, pulled out the envelope that held the money, and sat there in shock. At that time, Calton Hill had a bad reputation at night, and sitting there with four hundred pounds that didn’t belong to him wasn't the smartest move. He looked up and saw a man in a really shabby hat positioned a little to one side of him, seemingly admiring the view; from a bit on the other side, a second nightwalker was quietly approaching. John jumped up. The envelope slipped from his hands; he bent down to grab it, and at that moment, both men lunged at him.
A little after, he got to his feet very sore and shaken, the poorer by a purse which contained exactly one penny postage-stamp, by a cambric handkerchief, and by the all-important envelope.
A little after, he stood up feeling very sore and shaken, worse off with a purse that had just a penny postage stamp, a cotton handkerchief, and the crucial envelope.
Here was a young man on whom, at the highest point of lovely exaltation, there had fallen a blow too sharp to be supported alone; and not many hundred yards away his greatest friend was sitting at supper—ay, and even expecting him. Was it not in the nature of man that he should run there? He went in quest of sympathy—in quest of that droll article that we all suppose ourselves to want when in a strait, and have agreed to call advice; and he went, besides, with vague but rather splendid expectations of relief. Alan was rich, or would be so when he came of age. By a stroke of the pen he might remedy this misfortune, and avert that dreaded interview with Mr. Nicholson, from which John now shrunk in imagination as the hand draws back from fire.
Here was a young man who, at the peak of his joy, had experienced a blow too harsh to handle alone; and not far away, his best friend was sitting down for dinner—yes, and even waiting for him. Wasn’t it in human nature to run to him? He set out in search of sympathy—in search of that quirky thing we all think we need when we're in trouble, which we've come to call advice; and he also went with vague but hopeful dreams of relief. Alan was wealthy, or would be when he turned 18. With just a signature, he could fix this problem and avoid that dreaded meeting with Mr. Nicholson, which John now recoiled from in his mind like one pulls back from fire.
Close under the Calton Hill there runs a certain narrow avenue, part street, part by-road. The head of it faces the doors of the prison; its tail descends into the sunless slums of the Low Calton. On one hand it is overhung by the crags of the hill, on the other by an old graveyard. Between these two the roadway runs in a trench, sparsely lighted at night, sparsely frequented by day, and bordered, when it was cleared the place of tombs, by dingy and ambiguous houses. One of these was the house of Colette; and at his door our ill-starred John was presently beating for admittance. In an evil hour he satisfied the jealous inquiries of the contraband hotel-keeper; in an evil hour he penetrated into the somewhat unsavoury interior. Alan, to be sure, was there, seated in a room lighted by noisy gas-jets, beside a dirty table-cloth, engaged on a coarse meal, and in the company of several tipsy members of the junior bar. But Alan was not sober; he had lost a thousand pounds upon a horse-race, had received the news at dinner-time, and was now, in default of any possible means of extrication, drowning the memory of his predicament. He to help John! The thing was impossible; he couldn’t help himself.
Close to Calton Hill, there's a narrow avenue that’s part street and part back road. One end faces the prison gates, while the other leads down into the dark slums of Low Calton. On one side, it’s overshadowed by the hill’s crags, and on the other side, it’s bordered by an old graveyard. The road runs between these two, poorly lit at night and not often visited during the day, lined with grim and dubious houses that used to be a cemetery. One of these was Colette's house, and at the door, our unfortunate John was knocking for entry. It was a bad decision when he satisfied the jealous questions of the shady hotel owner; it was a bad idea when he stepped into the somewhat unsavory interior. Alan was there, sure enough, sitting in a room lit by flickering gas lights, next to a dirty tablecloth, having a rough meal, and surrounded by a few drunken junior lawyers. But Alan wasn't sober; he had lost a thousand pounds on a horse race, had gotten the news at dinner time, and was now, unable to see any way out, trying to drown the memory of his situation. Help John? That was impossible; he couldn’t even help himself.
‘If you have a beast of a father,’ said he, ‘I can tell you I have a brute of a trustee.’
‘If you have a tough dad,’ he said, ‘I can tell you I have a awful trustee.’
‘I’m not going to hear my father called a beast,’ said John with a beating heart, feeling that he risked the last sound rivet of the chain that bound him to life.
“I’m not going to let anyone call my father a beast,” John said, his heart racing, feeling like he was risking the last bit of the chain that kept him attached to life.
But Alan was quite good-natured.
But Alan was really friendly.
‘All right, old fellow,’ said he. ‘Mos’ respec’able man your father.’ And he introduced his friend to his companions as ‘old Nicholson the what-d’ye-call-um’s son.’
‘Alright, my old friend,’ he said. ‘Most respectable man, your dad.’ And he introduced his buddy to his friends as ‘old Nicholson, you know, the what’s-his-name’s son.’
John sat in dumb agony. Colette’s foul walls and maculate table-linen, and even down to Colette’s villainous casters, seemed like objects in a nightmare. And just then there came a knock and a scurrying; the police, so lamentably absent from the Calton Hill, appeared upon the scene; and the party, taken flagrante delicto, with their glasses at their elbow, were seized, marched up to the police office, and all duly summoned to appear as witnesses in the consequent case against that arch-shebeener, Colette.
John sat in silent agony. Colette’s disgusting walls and stained tablecloths, and even Colette’s horrible furniture, felt like things from a nightmare. Just then, there was a knock and a scurrying sound; the police, conspicuously absent from Calton Hill, showed up; and the group, caught red-handed with their drinks at hand, was taken away, brought to the police station, and all properly summoned to testify in the resulting case against that notorious drug dealer, Colette.
It was a sorrowful and a mightily sobered company that came forth again. The vague terror of public opinion weighed generally on them all; but there were private and particular horrors on the minds of individuals. Alan stood in dread of his trustee, already sorely tried. One of the group was the son of a country minister, another of a judge; John, the unhappiest of all, had David Nicholson to father, the idea of facing whom on such a scandalous subject was physically sickening. They stood awhile consulting under the buttresses of Saint Giles; thence they adjourned to the lodgings of one of the number in North Castle Street, where (for that matter) they might have had quite as good a supper, and far better drink, than in the dangerous paradise from which they had been routed. There, over an almost tearful glass, they debated their position. Each explained he had the world to lose if the affair went on, and he appeared as a witness. It was remarkable what bright prospects were just then in the very act of opening before each of that little company of youths, and what pious consideration for the feelings of their families began now to well from them. Each, moreover, was in an odd state of destitution. Not one could bear his share of the fine; not one but evinced a wonderful twinkle of hope that each of the others (in succession) was the very man who could step in to make good the deficit. One took a high hand; he could not pay his share; if it went to a trial, he should bolt; he had always felt the English Bar to be his true sphere. Another branched out into touching details about his family, and was not listened to. John, in the midst of this disorderly competition of poverty and meanness, sat stunned, contemplating the mountain bulk of his misfortunes.
It was a sad and very serious group that emerged again. The vague fear of public opinion weighed heavily on all of them, but each had their own private worries. Alan was terrified of his trustee, who was already under strain. One of the group was the son of a country minister, another of a judge; John, the most miserable of all, had David Nicholson as his father, and the thought of facing him about such a scandalous topic made him physically ill. They stood for a while discussing things under the buttresses of Saint Giles, then moved to one member's place on North Castle Street, where they could have had just as good a supper and much better drinks than in the dangerous paradise they had just left. There, over almost tearful drinks, they debated their situation. Each explained that he had everything to lose if this continued and he ended up as a witness. It was striking how bright prospects were just beginning to open up for each of those young men, and how much concern for their families’ feelings started to emerge from them. Additionally, each was in a strange state of financial hardship. None of them could pay their share of the fine; instead, each showed a strange glimmer of hope that one of the others (in turn) would be the one to make up for the shortfall. One was particularly bold; he said he couldn’t pay his part and if it went to trial, he would run away; he always felt that the English Bar was where he belonged. Another went into emotional details about his family, but nobody listened. Meanwhile, John, caught up in this chaotic competition of poverty and pettiness, sat stunned, contemplating the heavy burden of his misfortunes.
At last, upon a pledge that each should apply to his family with a common frankness, this convention of unhappy young asses broke up, went down the common stair, and in the grey of the spring morning, with the streets lying dead empty all about them, the lamps burning on into the daylight in diminished lustre, and the birds beginning to sound premonitory notes from the groves of the town gardens, went each his own way with bowed head and echoing footfall.
At last, after agreeing that everyone should be open with their family, this gathering of unhappy young people broke up. They walked down the shared stairs, and in the gray of the spring morning, with the streets completely empty around them, the lamps still glowing softly as daylight emerged, and the birds starting to chirp warning notes from the town garden trees, each went his own way with heads down and footsteps resounding.
The rooks were awake in Randolph Crescent; but the windows looked down, discreetly blinded, on the return of the prodigal. John’s pass-key was a recent privilege; this was the first time it had been used; and, oh! with what a sickening sense of his unworthiness he now inserted it into the well-oiled lock and entered that citadel of the proprieties! All slept; the gas in the hall had been left faintly burning to light his return; a dreadful stillness reigned, broken by the deep ticking of the eight-day clock. He put the gas out, and sat on a chair in the hall, waiting and counting the minutes, longing for any human countenance. But when at last he heard the alarm spring its rattle in the lower story, and the servants begin to be about, he instantly lost heart, and fled to his own room, where he threw himself upon the bed.
The rooks were awake in Randolph Crescent, but the windows looked down, discreetly shielded, on the return of the prodigal. John’s pass-key was a new privilege; this was the first time it had been used, and, oh! with what a sickening sense of his unworthiness he now inserted it into the well-oiled lock and entered that fortress of propriety! Everything was quiet; the gas in the hall had been left dimly lit to guide his return; a dreadful stillness hung in the air, broken only by the deep ticking of the eight-day clock. He turned off the gas and sat in a chair in the hall, waiting and counting the minutes, longing for any human presence. But when he finally heard the alarm spring its rattle in the lower floor and the servants starting to move about, he instantly lost heart and ran to his own room, where he threw himself on the bed.
p. 18CHAPTER III—IN WHICH JOHN ENJOYS THE HARVEST HOME
Shortly after breakfast, at which he assisted with a highly tragical countenance, John sought his father where he sat, presumably in religious meditation, on the Sabbath mornings. The old gentleman looked up with that sour, inquisitive expression that came so near to smiling and was so different in effect.
Soon after breakfast, during which he wore a very serious expression, John looked for his father, who he figured was deep in thought, as usual, on Sunday mornings. The old man glanced up with that sour, curious look that was almost a smile but felt completely different.
‘This is a time when I do not like to be disturbed,’ he said.
‘This is a time when I don’t want to be disturbed,’ he said.
‘I know that,’ returned John; ‘but I have—I want—I’ve made a dreadful mess of it,’ he broke out, and turned to the window.
"I know that," John replied, "but I have—I want—I’ve really messed it up." He exclaimed, turning to the window.
Mr. Nicholson sat silent for an appreciable time, while his unhappy son surveyed the poles in the back green, and a certain yellow cat that was perched upon the wall. Despair sat upon John as he gazed; and he raged to think of the dreadful series of his misdeeds, and the essential innocence that lay behind them.
Mr. Nicholson sat quietly for a considerable time, while his troubled son looked at the poles in the backyard and a certain yellow cat that was sitting on the wall. Despair filled John as he stared; he felt furious thinking about the terrible actions he had committed and the genuine innocence that lay beneath them.
‘Well,’ said the father, with an obvious effort, but in very quiet tones, ‘what is it?’
‘Well,’ said the father, making a noticeable effort but speaking very softly, ‘what’s going on?’
‘Maclean gave me four hundred pounds to put in the bank, sir,’ began John; ‘and I’m sorry to say that I’ve been robbed of it!’
‘Maclean gave me four hundred pounds to deposit in the bank, sir,’ John started; ‘and I’m sorry to say that I’ve been robbed of it!’
‘Robbed of it?’ cried Mr. Nicholson, with a strong rising inflection. ‘Robbed? Be careful what you say, John!’
“Robbed of it?” exclaimed Mr. Nicholson, with a strong rising tone. “Robbed? Be careful what you say, John!”
‘I can’t say anything else, sir; I was just robbed of it,’ said John, in desperation, sullenly.
"I can't say anything else, sir; I just got robbed of it," John said, desperate and gloomy.
‘And where and when did this extraordinary event take place?’ inquired the father.
‘And where and when did this amazing event happen?’ the father asked.
‘On the Calton Hill about twelve last night.’
“On Calton Hill at midnight.”
‘The Calton Hill?’ repeated Mr. Nicholson. ‘And what were you doing there at such a time of the night?’
‘The Calton Hill?’ Mr. Nicholson echoed. ‘And what were you doing there at this hour?’
‘Nothing, sir,’ says John.
"Nothing, sir," John replies.
Mr. Nicholson drew in his breath.
Mr. Nicholson took a breath.
‘And how came the money in your hands at twelve last night?’ he asked, sharply.
"And how did the money end up in your hands at midnight last night?" he asked, sharply.
‘I neglected that piece of business,’ said John, anticipating comment; and then in his own dialect: ‘I clean forgot all about it.’
‘I forgot about that,’ said John, expecting feedback; and then in his own way: ‘I totally forgot about it.’
‘Well,’ said his father, ‘it’s a most extraordinary story. Have you communicated with the police?’
‘Well,’ said his father, ‘that’s quite an extraordinary story. Have you talked to the police?’
‘I have,’ answered poor John, the blood leaping to his face. ‘They think they know the men that did it. I dare say the money will be recovered, if that was all,’ said he, with a desperate indifference, which his father set down to levity; but which sprung from the consciousness of worse behind.
“I have,” replied poor John, his face flushing. “They think they know the guys who did it. I guess the money will be found if that’s all there is,” he said, with a desperate indifference that his father mistook for lightheartedness, but it came from an awareness of something worse lurking beneath.
‘Your mother’s watch, too?’ asked Mr. Nicholson.
'Your mom's watch, too?' asked Mr. Nicholson.
‘Oh, the watch is all right!’ cried John. ‘At least, I mean I was coming to the watch—the fact is, I am ashamed to say, I—I had pawned the watch before. Here is the ticket; they didn’t find that; the watch can be redeemed; they don’t sell pledges.’ The lad panted out these phrases, one after another, like minute guns; but at the last word, which rang in that stately chamber like an oath, his heart failed him utterly; and the dreaded silence settled on father and son.
“Oh, the watch is fine!” John exclaimed. “At least, I mean I was talking about the watch—the truth is, I’m ashamed to admit, I—I had pawned the watch before. Here’s the ticket; they didn’t find that; the watch can be redeemed; they don’t sell pledges.” The boy rushed through these words, one after another, like a series of gunshots; but at the last word, which echoed in that grand room like a curse, his heart sank completely; and the heavy silence fell over father and son.
It was broken by Mr. Nicholson picking up the pawn-ticket: ‘John Froggs, 85 Pleasance,’ he read; and then turning upon John, with a brief flash of passion and disgust, ‘Who is John Froggs?’ he cried.
It was interrupted when Mr. Nicholson picked up the pawn-ticket: ‘John Froggs, 85 Pleasance,’ he read; and then turning to John, with a quick flash of anger and disgust, ‘Who is John Froggs?’ he shouted.
‘Nobody,’ said John. ‘It was just a name.’
‘Nobody,’ said John. ‘It was just a name.’
‘An alias,’ his father commented.
"An alias," his father commented.
‘Oh! I think scarcely quite that,’ said the culprit; ‘it’s a form, they all do it, the man seemed to understand, we had a great deal of fun over the name—’
‘Oh! I don't really think that's the case,’ said the culprit. ‘It's just a routine, everyone does it. The guy seemed to get it; we had a lot of fun with the name—’
He paused at that, for he saw his father wince at the picture like a man physically struck; and again there was silence.
He paused at that, noticing his father flinch at the image like someone who had been hit; and once again, there was silence.
‘I do not think,’ said Mr. Nicholson, at last, ‘that I am an ungenerous father. I have never grudged you money within reason, for any avowable purpose; you had just to come to me and speak. And now I find that you have forgotten all decency and all natural feeling, and actually pawned—pawned—your mother’s watch. You must have had some temptation; I will do you the justice to suppose it was a strong one. What did you want with this money?’
‘I don’t think,’ Mr. Nicholson finally said, ‘that I’m an unfair father. I’ve never denied you money for any reasonable purpose; you just needed to come to me and ask. And now I see that you’ve completely lost your sense of decency and basic feelings and actually pawned—pawned—your mother’s watch. You must have been tempted; I’ll give you credit for assuming it was a strong temptation. What did you need this money for?’
‘I would rather not tell you, sir,’ said John. ‘It will only make you angry.’
"I'd rather not say, sir," John replied. "It'll just upset you."
‘I will not be fenced with,’ cried his father. ‘There must be an end of disingenuous answers. What did you want with this money?’
‘I will not be messed with,’ shouted his father. ‘There has to be an end to these dishonest answers. What did you want this money for?’
‘To lend it to Houston, sir,’ says John.
"To lend it to Houston, sir," John says.
‘I thought I had forbidden you to speak to that young man?’ asked the father.
‘I thought I told you not to talk to that guy?’ asked the father.
‘Yes, sir,’ said John; ‘but I only met him.’
‘Yeah, sure,’ said John; ‘but I only met him.’
‘Where?’ came the deadly question.
“Where?” came the ominous question.
And ‘In a billiard-room’ was the damning answer. Thus, had John’s single departure from the truth brought instant punishment. For no other purpose but to see Alan would he have entered a billiard-room; but he had desired to palliate the fact of his disobedience, and now it appeared that he frequented these disreputable haunts upon his own account.
And "In a billiard room" was the damaging answer. So, John’s one lie had led to immediate consequences. He wouldn't have gone into a billiard room for any reason other than to see Alan; but he had wanted to soften the truth about his disobedience, and now it seemed that he visited these shady spots on his own.
Once more Mr. Nicholson digested the vile tidings in silence, and when John stole a glance at his father’s countenance, he was abashed to see the marks of suffering.
Once again, Mr. Nicholson processed the terrible news in silence, and when John glanced at his father’s face, he felt ashamed to see the signs of pain.
‘Well,’ said the old gentleman, at last, ‘I cannot pretend not to be simply bowed down. I rose this morning what the world calls a happy man—happy, at least, in a son of whom I thought I could be reasonably proud—’
‘Well,’ said the older gentleman, finally, ‘I can’t pretend not to be completely overwhelmed. I woke up this morning what the world considers a happy man—happy, at least, in a son I thought I could be reasonably proud of—’
But it was beyond human nature to endure this longer, and John interrupted almost with a scream. ‘Oh, wheest!’ he cried, ‘that’s not all, that’s not the worst of it—it’s nothing! How could I tell you were proud of me? Oh! I wish, I wish that I had known; but you always said I was such a disgrace! And the dreadful thing is this: we were all taken up last night, and we have to pay Colette’s fine among the six, or we’ll be had up for evidence—shebeening it is. They made me swear to tell you; but for my part,’ he cried, bursting into tears, ‘I just wish that I was dead!’ And he fell on his knees before a chair and hid his face.
But it was too much for anyone to handle for long, and John yelled out, “Oh, come on!” He exclaimed, “That’s not all, that’s not the worst part—it’s nothing! How could I have known you were proud of me? Oh! I wish, I wish I had known; but you always said I was such a disgrace! And the awful thing is this: we all got picked up last night, and we have to share Colette’s fine among the six of us, or we’ll be called in as witnesses—it’s a real mess. They made me promise to tell you; but honestly,” he cried, breaking down in tears, “I just wish I were dead!” And he fell to his knees in front of a chair and buried his face.
Whether his father spoke, or whether he remained long in the room or at once departed, are points lost to history. A horrid turmoil of mind and body; bursting sobs; broken, vanishing thoughts, now of indignation, now of remorse; broken elementary whiffs of consciousness, of the smell of the horse-hair on the chair bottom, of the jangling of church bells that now began to make day horrible throughout the confines of the city, of the hard floor that bruised his knees, of the taste of tears that found their way into his mouth: for a period of time, the duration of which I cannot guess, while I refuse to dwell longer on its agony, these were the whole of God’s world for John Nicholson.
Whether his father spoke, stayed in the room for a long time, or left immediately are details that have been lost to time. A terrible whirlwind of emotions and physical sensations; deep sobs; fragmented, fading thoughts, now filled with anger, now with regret; broken glimpses of awareness, the scent of horsehair on the chair, the clanging of church bells that started to turn the day miserable throughout the city, the hard floor that hurt his knees, the taste of tears that dripped into his mouth: for a stretch of time, which I can't estimate, and that I prefer not to linger on for its pain, these were the entirety of God's world for John Nicholson.
When at last, as by the touching of a spring, he returned again to clearness of consciousness and even a measure of composure, the bells had but just done ringing, and the Sabbath silence was still marred by the patter of belated feet. By the clock above the fire, as well as by these more speaking signs, the service had not long begun; and the unhappy sinner, if his father had really gone to church, might count on near two hours of only comparative unhappiness. With his father, the superlative degree returned infallibly. He knew it by every shrinking fibre in his body, he knew it by the sudden dizzy whirling of his brain, at the mere thought of that calamity. An hour and a half, perhaps an hour and three-quarters, if the doctor was long-winded, and then would begin again that active agony from which, even in the dull ache of the present, he shrunk as from the bite of fire. He saw, in a vision, the family pew, the somnolent cushions, the Bibles, the psalm-books, Maria with her smelling-salts, his father sitting spectacled and critical; and at once he was struck with indignation, not unjustly. It was inhuman to go off to church, and leave a sinner in suspense, unpunished, unforgiven. And at the very touch of criticism, the paternal sanctity was lessened; yet the paternal terror only grew; and the two strands of feeling pushed him in the same direction.
When he finally snapped back to reality, almost like a switch had been flipped, the bells had just finished ringing, and the quiet of Sunday was still interrupted by the sound of late arrivals. By the clock over the fireplace, along with these obvious signs, the service had only just begun; and the troubled sinner, assuming his father had actually gone to church, had nearly two hours of relative misery ahead of him. With his father around, though, that misery would only intensify. He felt it in every tense nerve of his body, and he could sense a dizzying panic in his mind just thinking about that disaster. Maybe an hour and a half, or an hour and three-quarters if the pastor liked to ramble, and then would come that intense agony that even in his current dull pain he recoiled from like a burn. He envisioned the family pew, the lumpy cushions, the Bibles, the hymnals, Maria with her smelling salts, and his father sitting there with his glasses on, judging everything; and anger hit him hard, not without reason. It was cruel to go off to church and leave a sinner in limbo, unpunished and unforgiven. And with that critical thought, his father's authority felt diminished; yet the fear of his father only grew stronger, and those conflicting feelings pulled him in the same direction.
And suddenly there came upon him a mad fear lest his father should have locked him in. The notion had no ground in sense; it was probably no more than a reminiscence of similar calamities in childhood, for his father’s room had always been the chamber of inquisition and the scene of punishment; but it stuck so rigorously in his mind that he must instantly approach the door and prove its untruth. As he went, he struck upon a drawer left open in the business table. It was the money-drawer, a measure of his father’s disarray: the money-drawer—perhaps a pointing providence! Who is to decide, when even divines differ between a providence and a temptation? or who, sitting calmly under his own vine, is to pass a judgment on the doings of a poor, hunted dog, slavishly afraid, slavishly rebellious, like John Nicholson on that particular Sunday? His hand was in the drawer, almost before his mind had conceived the hope; and rising to his new situation, he wrote, sitting in his father’s chair and using his father’s blotting-pad, his pitiful apology and farewell:—
And suddenly, he was overcome by a wild fear that his father might have locked him in. This thought had no basis in reality; it was probably just a memory of similar troubles from his childhood, since his father’s room had always been where he faced questioning and punishment. But it stuck in his mind so firmly that he had to immediately go check the door and prove it wrong. As he moved, he bumped into a drawer left open in the desk. It was the money drawer, a sign of his father’s chaos: the money drawer—maybe a sign of fate! Who can say, when even the religious disagree on what fate is and what temptation is? Or who, sitting comfortably in their own place, can judge the actions of a scared, hunted dog, obediently fearful and defiantly rebellious, like John Nicholson that particular Sunday? His hand was in the drawer almost before he realized it, and adapting to his new situation, he sat in his father’s chair, using his father’s blotting pad, and wrote his sad apology and farewell:—
‘My dear Father,—I have taken the money, but I will pay it back as soon as I am able. You will never hear of me again. I did not mean any harm by anything, so I hope you will try and forgive me. I wish you would say good-bye to Alexander and Maria, but not if you don’t want to. I could not wait to see you, really. Please try to forgive me. Your affectionate son,
Dear Father,—I’ve taken the money, but I’ll pay it back as soon as I can. You won’t hear from me again. I didn’t mean any harm, so I hope you can forgive me. I wish you would say goodbye to Alexander and Maria, but only if you want to. I really couldn’t wait to see you. Please try to forgive me. Your loving son,
John Nicholson.’
John Nicholson.
The coins abstracted and the missive written, he could not be gone too soon from the scene of these transgressions; and remembering how his father had once returned from church, on some slight illness, in the middle of the second psalm, he durst not even make a packet of a change of clothes. Attired as he was, he slipped from the paternal doors, and found himself in the cool spring air, the thin spring sunshine, and the great Sabbath quiet of the city, which was now only pointed by the cawing of the rooks. There was not a soul in Randolph Crescent, nor a soul in Queensferry Street; in this outdoor privacy and the sense of escape, John took heart again; and with a pathetic sense of leave-taking, he even ventured up the lane and stood awhile, a strange peri at the gates of a quaint paradise, by the west end of St. George’s Church. They were singing within; and by a strange chance, the tune was ‘St. George’s, Edinburgh,’ which bears the name, and was first sung in the choir of that church. ‘Who is this King of Glory?’ went the voices from within; and, to John, this was like the end of all Christian observances, for he was now to be a wild man like Ishmael, and his life was to be cast in homeless places and with godless people.
The coins taken and the letter written, he knew he couldn't leave the scene of these wrongdoings quickly enough; and remembering how his father had once come back from church during a minor illness, right in the middle of the second psalm, he didn’t even dare to pack a change of clothes. Dressed as he was, he slipped out of his father's house and found himself in the cool spring air, the gentle spring sunshine, and the deep Sabbath calm of the city, which was only interrupted by the cawing of the crows. There wasn’t a single person on Randolph Crescent or Queensferry Street; in this outdoor solitude and the feeling of freedom, John felt renewed; and with a bittersweet sense of farewell, he even ventured up the lane and stood for a while, like a strange spirit at the gates of a unique paradise, by the west end of St. George’s Church. They were singing inside; and by a curious coincidence, the tune was ‘St. George’s, Edinburgh,’ which bears its name and was first sung in that church’s choir. ‘Who is this King of Glory?’ the voices sang from within; and to John, this felt like the culmination of all Christian practices, for he was now to be a wild man like Ishmael, destined to live among homeless people and without God.
It was thus, with no rising sense of the adventurous, but in mere desolation and despair, that he turned his back on his native city, and set out on foot for California, with a more immediate eye to Glasgow.
It was in this way, without any sense of adventure, just feeling completely hopeless and defeated, that he turned away from his hometown and started walking to California, with a more immediate focus on Glasgow.
p. 27CHAPTER IV—THE SECOND SOWING
It is no part of mine to narrate the adventures of John Nicholson, which were many, but simply his more momentous misadventures, which were more than he desired, and, by human standards, more than he deserved; how he reached California, how he was rooked, and robbed, and beaten, and starved; how he was at last taken up by charitable folk, restored to some degree of self-complacency, and installed as a clerk in a bank in San Francisco, it would take too long to tell; nor in these episodes were there any marks of the peculiar Nicholsonic destiny, for they were just such matters as befell some thousands of other young adventurers in the same days and places. But once posted in the bank, he fell for a time into a high degree of good fortune, which, as it was only a longer way about to fresh disaster, it behooves me to explain.
It isn't my job to tell the whole story of John Nicholson's many adventures, but rather to focus on his more significant misadventures, which he experienced more than he wanted and, by human standards, more than he deserved; how he made it to California, how he got swindled, robbed, beaten, and starved; how he was finally taken in by kind-hearted people, brought back to some level of self-satisfaction, and hired as a clerk in a bank in San Francisco, would take too long to explain; and in these events, there were no signs of the unique Nicholson fate, as they were just typical experiences that happened to thousands of other young adventurers during those times and places. But once he started working at the bank, he experienced a period of great fortune, which, since it was only a longer route to new disasters, requires some explanation.
It was his luck to meet a young man in what is technically called a ‘dive,’ and thanks to his monthly wages, to extricate this new acquaintance from a position of present disgrace and possible danger in the future. This young man was the nephew of one of the Nob Hill magnates, who run the San Francisco Stock Exchange, much as more humble adventurers, in the corner of some public park at home, may be seen to perform the simple artifice of pea and thimble: for their own profit, that is to say, and the discouragement of public gambling. It was thus in his power—and, as he was of grateful temper, it was among the things that he desired—to put John in the way of growing rich; and thus, without thought or industry, or so much as even understanding the game at which he played, but by simply buying and selling what he was told to buy and sell, that plaything of fortune was presently at the head of between eleven and twelve thousand pounds, or, as he reckoned it, of upward of sixty thousand dollars.
It was his luck to meet a young man in what is technically called a ‘dive,’ and thanks to his monthly paycheck, he was able to help this new acquaintance out of a situation of public shame and potential future trouble. This young man was the nephew of one of the wealthy elites of Nob Hill, who ran the San Francisco Stock Exchange, somewhat like how less privileged players might be seen performing a simple trick with pea and thimble in the corner of a public park back home, for their own benefit and to discourage public gambling. It was thus within his power—and, being a grateful person, it was something he wanted—to help John get rich; and so, without any effort, thought, or even understanding the game he was involved in, just by buying and selling what he was instructed to, this lucky individual quickly accumulated between eleven and twelve thousand pounds, or, as he calculated it, over sixty thousand dollars.
How he had come to deserve this wealth, any more than how he had formerly earned disgrace at home, was a problem beyond the reach of his philosophy. It was true that he had been industrious at the bank, but no more so than the cashier, who had seven small children and was visibly sinking in decline. Nor was the step which had determined his advance—a visit to a dive with a month’s wages in his pocket—an act of such transcendent virtue, or even wisdom, as to seem to merit the favour of the gods. From some sense of this, and of the dizzy see-saw—heaven-high, hell-deep—on which men sit clutching; or perhaps fearing that the sources of his fortune might be insidiously traced to some root in the field of petty cash; he stuck to his work, said not a word of his new circumstances, and kept his account with a bank in a different quarter of the town. The concealment, innocent as it seems, was the first step in the second tragicomedy of John’s existence.
How he came to deserve this wealth, just as much as how he had previously earned disgrace at home, was a puzzle that went beyond his understanding. It was true that he had worked hard at the bank, but no more than the cashier, who had seven small kids and was clearly struggling. The move that had led to his promotion—a night out at a bar with a month’s salary in his pocket—was hardly an act of great virtue or even wisdom that would seem to earn the favor of the gods. From some awareness of this, and of the dizzying balance—high as heaven, low as hell—on which people cling; or perhaps fearing that the sources of his fortune might be traced back to some questionable petty cash transactions; he focused on his job, said nothing about his new situation, and kept his account at a different bank across town. The secrecy, innocent as it appeared, was the first step in the second tragicomedy of John’s life.
Meanwhile, he had never written home. Whether from diffidence or shame, or a touch of anger, or mere procrastination, or because (as we have seen) he had no skill in literary arts, or because (as I am sometimes tempted to suppose) there is a law in human nature that prevents young men—not otherwise beasts—from the performance of this simple act of piety—months and years had gone by, and John had never written. The habit of not writing, indeed, was already fixed before he had begun to come into his fortune; and it was only the difficulty of breaking this long silence that withheld him from an instant restitution of the money he had stolen or (as he preferred to call it) borrowed. In vain he sat before paper, attending on inspiration; that heavenly nymph, beyond suggesting the words ‘my dear father,’ remained obstinately silent; and presently John would crumple up the sheet and decide, as soon as he had ‘a good chance,’ to carry the money home in person. And this delay, which is indefensible, was his second step into the snares of fortune.
Meanwhile, he had never written home. Whether out of shyness or shame, a bit of anger, simple procrastination, or because—like we’ve seen—he wasn’t good at writing, or maybe because (as I sometimes like to think) there’s something about human nature that stops young men—not otherwise foolish—from doing this simple act of care—months and years went by, and John never wrote. The habit of not writing was already set before he started gaining his fortune; it was just the difficulty of breaking this long silence that kept him from quickly returning the money he had taken or (as he preferred to call it) borrowed. He would sit in vain before a piece of paper, waiting for inspiration; that elusive muse, beyond suggesting the words ‘my dear father,’ remained stubbornly quiet; and soon John would crumple the sheet and decide that as soon as he had ‘a good chance,’ he’d return the money in person. And this delay, which is inexcusable, was his second step into the traps of fortune.
Ten years had passed, and John was drawing near to thirty. He had kept the promise of his boyhood, and was now of a lusty frame, verging toward corpulence; good features, good eyes, a genial manner, a ready laugh, a long pair of sandy whiskers, a dash of an American accent, a close familiarity with the great American joke, and a certain likeness to a R-y-l P-rs-n-ge, who shall remain nameless for me, made up the man’s externals as he could be viewed in society. Inwardly, in spite of his gross body and highly masculine whiskers, he was more like a maiden lady than a man of twenty-nine.
Ten years had passed, and John was getting close to thirty. He had stayed true to the promise he made as a boy, and now he had a robust build, almost overweight; attractive features, bright eyes, a friendly demeanor, a quick laugh, a long pair of sandy sideburns, a hint of an American accent, a good grasp of classic American humor, and he bore a certain resemblance to a R-y-l P-rs-n-ge, who shall remain nameless here, made up the man’s outward appearance in social settings. Inwardly, despite his heavy build and masculine whiskers, he was more like a single woman than a twenty-nine-year-old man.
It chanced one day, as he was strolling down Market Street on the eve of his fortnight’s holiday, that his eye was caught by certain railway bills, and in very idleness of mind he calculated that he might be home for Christmas if he started on the morrow. The fancy thrilled him with desire, and in one moment he decided he would go.
One day, while walking down Market Street right before his two-week vacation, he noticed some railway posters. Just out of boredom, he figured he could be home for Christmas if he left the next day. The idea excited him, and in an instant, he decided to go.
There was much to be done: his portmanteau to be packed, a credit to be got from the bank where he was a wealthy customer, and certain offices to be transacted for that other bank in which he was an humble clerk; and it chanced, in conformity with human nature, that out of all this business it was the last that came to be neglected. Night found him, not only equipped with money of his own, but once more (as on that former occasion) saddled with a considerable sum of other people’s.
There was a lot to do: he needed to pack his suitcase, get a loan from the bank where he was a valued customer, and take care of some tasks for the other bank where he worked as a low-level clerk; and, as often happens, it was the last task that ended up getting ignored. By nightfall, he was not only set with his own money but, just like before, burdened with a significant amount of other people’s cash.
Now it chanced there lived in the same boarding-house a fellow-clerk of his, an honest fellow, with what is called a weakness for drink—though it might, in this case, have been called a strength, for the victim had been drunk for weeks together without the briefest intermission. To this unfortunate John intrusted a letter with an inclosure of bonds, addressed to the bank manager. Even as he did so he thought he perceived a certain haziness of eye and speech in his trustee; but he was too hopeful to be stayed, silenced the voice of warning in his bosom, and with one and the same gesture committed the money to the clerk, and himself into the hands of destiny.
Now it so happened that there was a fellow clerk living in the same boarding house, an honest guy who had what you might call a weakness for alcohol—though in this case, it could have been seen as a strength, since he had been drunk for weeks on end without any breaks. John entrusted him with a letter containing some bonds, addressed to the bank manager. Even as he did this, he thought he noticed a slight fogginess in his eyes and speech, but he was too optimistic to stop himself, silenced the warning voice in his head, and with one gesture handed over the money to the clerk, effectively handing himself over to fate.
I dwell, even at the risk of tedium, on John’s minutest errors, his case being so perplexing to the moralist; but we have done with them now, the roll is closed, the reader has the worst of our poor hero, and I leave him to judge for himself whether he or John has been the less deserving. Henceforth we have to follow the spectacle of a man who was a mere whip-top for calamity; on whose unmerited misadventures not even the humourist can look without pity, and not even the philosopher without alarm.
I focus, even at the risk of boring you, on John's smallest mistakes, as his situation is so confusing to the moralist; but we're finished with that now, the record is complete, the reader has the worst of our unfortunate hero, and I leave it to him to decide whether he or John is less deserving. From now on, we have to witness the life of a man who was just a plaything for misfortune; whose undeserved troubles even the comic observer can only view with sympathy, and even the philosopher with concern.
That same night the clerk entered upon a bout of drunkenness so consistent as to surprise even his intimate acquaintance. He was speedily ejected from the boarding-house; deposited his portmanteau with a perfect stranger, who did not even catch his name; wandered he knew not where, and was at last hove-to, all standing, in a hospital at Sacramento. There, under the impenetrable alias of the number of his bed, the crapulous being lay for some more days unconscious of all things, and of one thing in particular: that the police were after him. Two months had come and gone before the convalescent in the Sacramento hospital was identified with Kirkman, the absconding San Francisco clerk; even then, there must elapse nearly a fortnight more till the perfect stranger could be hunted up, the portmanteau recovered, and John’s letter carried at length to its destination, the seal still unbroken, the inclosure still intact.
That same night, the clerk went on a bender so intense that even his close friends were taken aback. He was quickly kicked out of the boarding house, left his suitcase with a complete stranger who didn’t even catch his name, wandered aimlessly, and eventually ended up, completely disoriented, in a hospital in Sacramento. There, under the unrecognizable label of his bed number, the drunken man lay for several more days, unaware of everything, especially one crucial detail: the police were looking for him. Two months passed before the recovering patient in the Sacramento hospital was identified as Kirkman, the embezzling clerk from San Francisco; even then, it took nearly another two weeks to track down the complete stranger, recover the suitcase, and finally deliver John’s letter to its destination, the seal still unbroken, the contents still untouched.
Meanwhile, John had gone upon his holidays without a word, which was irregular; and there had disappeared with him a certain sum of money, which was out of all bounds of palliation. But he was known to be careless, and believed to be honest; the manager besides had a regard for him; and little was said, although something was no doubt thought, until the fortnight was finally at an end, and the time had come for John to reappear. Then, indeed, the affair began to look black; and when inquiries were made, and the penniless clerk was found to have amassed thousands of dollars, and kept them secretly in a rival establishment, the stoutest of his friends abandoned him, the books were overhauled for traces of ancient and artful fraud, and though none were found, there still prevailed a general impression of loss. The telegraph was set in motion; and the correspondent of the bank in Edinburgh, for which place it was understood that John had armed himself with extensive credits, was warned to communicate with the police.
Meanwhile, John had gone on his vacation without saying a word, which was unusual; and a certain amount of money had disappeared with him, which was completely unacceptable. But he was known to be careless and thought to be honest; the manager also had a fondness for him; and not much was said, even though some things were undoubtedly suspected, until the two weeks were finally up, and the time came for John to come back. Then, things started to look bad; and when inquiries were made, it was discovered that the broke clerk had secretly accumulated thousands of dollars and kept them in a competing establishment. The staunchest of his friends turned their backs on him, the records were combed through for signs of past clever fraud, and although none were found, there was still a widespread impression of loss. The telegraph was set in motion; and the correspondent of the bank in Edinburgh, where it was believed John had equipped himself with substantial credits, was alerted to contact the police.
Now this correspondent was a friend of Mr. Nicholson’s; he was well acquainted with the tale of John’s calamitous disappearance from Edinburgh; and putting one thing with another, hasted with the first word of this scandal, not to the police, but to his friend. The old gentleman had long regarded his son as one dead; John’s place had been taken, the memory of his faults had already fallen to be one of those old aches, which awaken again indeed upon occasion, but which we can always vanquish by an effort of the will; and to have the long lost resuscitated in a fresh disgrace was doubly bitter.
Now, this journalist was a friend of Mr. Nicholson; he knew all about John’s tragic disappearance from Edinburgh. Connecting the dots, he rushed with the first news of this scandal, not to the police, but to his friend. The old man had long considered his son to be dead; John’s absence had been filled, and the memories of his mistakes had faded into one of those old pains that might resurface occasionally, but that we can always conquer with some willpower. Having the long-lost son brought back into the spotlight with a new disgrace was doubly painful.
‘Macewen,’ said the old man, ‘this must be hushed up, if possible. If I give you a cheek for this sum, about which they are certain, could you take it on yourself to let the matter rest?’
‘Macewen,’ said the old man, ‘we need to keep this quiet, if we can. If I give you a check for this amount, which they are sure about, could you handle it and let the issue drop?’
‘I will,’ said Macewen. ‘I will take the risk of it.’
‘I will,’ said Macewen. ‘I’ll take the risk.’
‘You understand,’ resumed Mr. Nicholson, speaking precisely, but with ashen lips, ‘I do this for my family, not for that unhappy young man. If it should turn out that these suspicions are correct, and he has embezzled large sums, he must lie on his bed as he has made it.’ And then looking up at Macewen with a nod, and one of his strange smiles: ‘Good-bye,’ said he, and Macewen, perceiving the case to be too grave for consolation, took himself off, and blessed God on his way home that he was childless.
‘You understand,’ Mr. Nicholson continued, speaking clearly but with pale lips, ‘I’m doing this for my family, not for that unfortunate young man. If it turns out that these suspicions are true and he has embezzled a lot of money, he’ll have to deal with the consequences of his actions.’ And then, looking up at Macewen with a nod and one of his odd smiles: ‘Goodbye,’ he said. Macewen, realizing the situation was too serious for comfort, left and thanked God on his way home that he didn’t have children.
p. 35CHAPTER V—THE PRODIGAL’S RETURN
By a little after noon on the eve of Christmas, John had left his portmanteau in the cloak-room, and stepped forth into Princes Street with a wonderful expansion of the soul, such as men enjoy on the completion of long-nourished schemes. He was at home again, incognito and rich; presently he could enter his father’s house by means of the pass-key, which he had piously preserved through all his wanderings; he would throw down the borrowed money; there would be a reconciliation, the details of which he frequently arranged; and he saw himself, during the next month, made welcome in many stately houses at many frigid dinner-parties, taking his share in the conversation with the freedom of the man and the traveller, and laying down the law upon finance with the authority of the successful investor. But this programme was not to be begun before evening—not till just before dinner, indeed, at which meal the reassembled family were to sit roseate, and the best wine, the modern fatted calf, should flow for the prodigal’s return.
By just after noon on Christmas Eve, John had dropped off his suitcase in the cloakroom and stepped out onto Princes Street with a fantastic sense of relief, similar to what people feel when they finally achieve long-held dreams. He was back home, incognito and wealthy; soon he could enter his father's house using the passkey he had kept safely throughout his travels. He would pay back the borrowed money; there would be a reconciliation, the details of which he had often planned out in his mind; and he envisioned himself, over the next month, being welcomed in many elegant homes at various formal dinner parties, participating in conversations with the confidence of both a man and a traveler, and discussing finance with the authority of a successful investor. But this plan wouldn't kick off until the evening—not until just before dinner, when the gathered family would sit together, rosy-cheeked, and the finest wine, the modern equivalent of the fatted calf, would flow for the prodigal’s return.
Meanwhile he walked familiar streets, merry reminiscences crowding round him, sad ones also, both with the same surprising pathos. The keen frosty air; the low, rosy, wintry sun; the castle, hailing him like an old acquaintance; the names of friends on door-plates; the sight of friends whom he seemed to recognise, and whom he eagerly avoided, in the streets; the pleasant chant of the north-country accent; the dome of St. George’s reminding him of his last penitential moments in the lane, and of that King of Glory whose name had echoed ever since in the saddest corner of his memory; and the gutters where he had learned to slide, and the shop where he had bought his skates, and the stones on which he had trod, and the railings in which he had rattled his clachan as he went to school; and all those thousand and one nameless particulars, which the eye sees without noting, which the memory keeps indeed yet without knowing, and which, taken one with another, build up for us the aspect of the place that we call home: all these besieged him, as he went, with both delight and sadness.
Meanwhile, he walked through familiar streets, filled with happy memories and some sad ones, both carrying a surprising depth of emotion. The sharp, cold air; the low, rosy winter sun; the castle greeting him like an old friend; the names of friends on doorplates; the sight of friends he thought he recognized but eagerly avoided in the streets; the cheerful sound of the northern accent; the dome of St. George’s reminding him of his last moments of reflection in the lane, and of that King of Glory whose name had lingered in the saddest part of his memory; the gutters where he learned to slide, the shop where he bought his skates, the stones he walked on, and the railings he rattled as he headed to school; and all those countless little details that the eye sees without really noticing, which the memory holds without fully understanding, and which, together, shape our idea of the place we call home: all these surrounded him as he walked, bringing both joy and sadness.
His first visit was for Houston, who had a house on Regent Terrace, kept for him in old days by an aunt. The door was opened (to his surprise) upon the chain, and a voice asked him from within what he wanted.
His first visit was to Houston, who had a house on Regent Terrace, which had been kept for him back in the day by an aunt. The door was opened (to his surprise) on the chain, and a voice from inside asked him what he wanted.
‘I want Mr. Houston—Mr. Alan Houston,’ said he.
“I want Mr. Houston—Mr. Alan Houston,” he said.
‘And who are ye?’ said the voice.
'And who are you?' said the voice.
‘This is most extraordinary,’ thought John; and then aloud he told his name.
"This is really amazing," thought John; and then he said his name out loud.
‘No’ young Mr. John?’ cried the voice, with a sudden increase of Scotch accent, testifying to a friendlier feeling.
‘No’ young Mr. John?’ cried the voice, suddenly thickening the Scottish accent, showing a friendlier tone.
‘The very same,’ said John.
"Same here," said John.
And the old butler removed his defences, remarking only ‘I thocht ye were that man.’ But his master was not there; he was staying, it appeared, at the house in Murrayfield; and though the butler would have been glad enough to have taken his place and given all the news of the family, John, struck with a little chill, was eager to be gone. Only, the door was scarce closed again, before he regretted that he had not asked about ‘that man.’
And the old butler lowered his guard, saying only, "I thought you were that man." But his master wasn’t there; he was, it seemed, at the house in Murrayfield. Although the butler would have been more than happy to take his place and share all the family updates, John, feeling a bit uneasy, was eager to leave. However, just as the door was barely closed, he regretted not asking about "that man."
He was to pay no more visits till he had seen his father and made all well at home; Alan had been the only possible exception, and John had not time to go as far as Murrayfield. But here he was on Regent Terrace; there was nothing to prevent him going round the end of the hill, and looking from without on the Mackenzies’ house. As he went, he reflected that Flora must now be a woman of near his own age, and it was within the bounds of possibility that she was married; but this dishonourable doubt he dammed down.
He wasn't going to visit anyone else until he had seen his dad and sorted things out at home; Alan was the only exception he might consider, but John didn't have time to go all the way to Murrayfield. But now he was on Regent Terrace; nothing was stopping him from going around the end of the hill to take a look at the Mackenzies’ house from outside. As he walked, he thought about how Flora must be almost his age now, and it was possible she was married, but he pushed that dishonorable thought aside.
There was the house, sure enough; but the door was of another colour, and what was this—two door-plates? He drew nearer; the top one bore, with dignified simplicity, the words, ‘Mr. Proudfoot’; the lower one was more explicit, and informed the passer-by that here was likewise the abode of ‘Mr. J. A. Dunlop Proudfoot, Advocate.’ The Proudfoots must be rich, for no advocate could look to have much business in so remote a quarter; and John hated them for their wealth and for their name, and for the sake of the house they desecrated with their presence. He remembered a Proudfoot he had seen at school, not known: a little, whey-faced urchin, the despicable member of some lower class. Could it be this abortion that had climbed to be an advocate, and now lived in the birthplace of Flora and the home of John’s tenderest memories? The chill that had first seized upon him when he heard of Houston’s absence deepened and struck inward. For a moment, as he stood under the doors of that estranged house, and looked east and west along the solitary pavement of the Royal Terrace, where not a cat was stirring, the sense of solitude and desolation took him by the throat, and he wished himself in San Francisco.
There was the house, sure enough; but the door was a different color, and what was this—two door plaques? He moved closer; the top one simply stated, ‘Mr. Proudfoot’; the lower one was more specific, indicating that this was also the home of ‘Mr. J. A. Dunlop Proudfoot, Advocate.’ The Proudfoots must be wealthy, since no advocate could expect to have much work in such a remote area; and John despised them for their money, their name, and for ruining the house with their presence. He remembered a Proudfoot he had seen at school, unknown: a little, pale-faced kid, a contemptible member of some lower class. Could it be this failure who had become an advocate and now lived in the birthplace of Flora and the place filled with John’s fondest memories? The chill that had first gripped him upon hearing of Houston’s absence deepened and weighed heavily on him. For a moment, as he stood under the entrance of that unfamiliar house, and looked east and west along the empty pavement of the Royal Terrace, where not even a cat was moving, a sense of loneliness and despair tightened around him, and he wished he were in San Francisco.
And then the figure he made, with his decent portliness, his whiskers, the money in his purse, the excellent cigar that he now lighted, recurred to his mind in consolatory comparison with that of a certain maddened lad who, on a certain spring Sunday ten years before, and in the hour of church-time silence, had stolen from that city by the Glasgow road. In the face of these changes, it were impious to doubt fortune’s kindness. All would be well yet; the Mackenzies would be found, Flora, younger and lovelier and kinder than before; Alan would be found, and would have so nicely discriminated his behaviour as to have grown, on the one hand, into a valued friend of Mr. Nicholson’s, and to have remained, upon the other, of that exact shade of joviality which John desired in his companions. And so, once more, John fell to work discounting the delightful future: his first appearance in the family pew; his first visit to his uncle Greig, who thought himself so great a financier, and on whose purblind Edinburgh eyes John was to let in the dazzling daylight of the West; and the details in general of that unrivalled transformation scene, in which he was to display to all Edinburgh a portly and successful gentleman in the shoes of the derided fugitive.
And then the image of himself, with his comfortable size, his facial hair, the money in his wallet, and the excellent cigar he was now lighting, compared favorably in his mind to a certain crazed young man who, on a spring Sunday ten years ago during church-time silence, had sneaked away from that city by the Glasgow road. Given these changes, it would be ungrateful to doubt fortune’s generosity. Everything would turn out fine; the Mackenzies would be found, Flora younger and more beautiful and kinder than before; Alan would be found, and he would have skillfully balanced his behavior to become a valued friend of Mr. Nicholson while still maintaining the exact level of cheerfulness that John wanted in his companions. And so, once again, John got to work envisioning the wonderful future: his first time in the family pew; his first visit to his uncle Greig, who considered himself a significant financier, and on whose blind Edinburgh eyes John would shine a bright light from the West; and the general details of that unmatched transformation scene, where he would present himself to all of Edinburgh as a successful, well-to-do gentleman in place of the ridiculed fugitive.
The time began to draw near when his father would have returned from the office, and it would be the prodigal’s cue to enter. He strolled westward by Albany Street, facing the sunset embers, pleased, he knew not why, to move in that cold air and indigo twilight, starred with street-lamps. But there was one more disenchantment waiting him by the way.
The time was drawing near when his dad would be back from work, and it would be the prodigal's signal to come in. He walked west along Albany Street, facing the fading sunset, feeling happy, although he couldn't explain why, to be out in that chilly air and deepening twilight, lit up by streetlights. But there was one more disappointment waiting for him along the way.
At the corner of Pitt Street he paused to light a fresh cigar; the vesta threw, as he did so, a strong light upon his features, and a man of about his own age stopped at sight of it.
At the corner of Pitt Street, he stopped to light a new cigar; the match cast a bright light on his face, and a man around his age paused when he saw it.
‘I think your name must be Nicholson,’ said the stranger.
‘I think your name must be Nicholson,’ said the stranger.
It was too late to avoid recognition; and besides, as John was now actually on the way home, it hardly mattered, and he gave way to the impulse of his nature.
It was too late to avoid being recognized; and, besides, since John was already on his way home, it hardly mattered, and he decided to follow his instincts.
‘Great Scott!’ he cried, ‘Beatson!’ and shook hands with warmth. It scarce seemed he was repaid in kind.
“Great Scott!” he exclaimed, “Beatson!” and shook hands enthusiastically. It hardly seemed like he got the same warmth in return.
‘So you’re home again?’ said Beatson. ‘Where have you been all this long time?’
‘So you’re back home?’ said Beatson. ‘Where have you been all this time?’
‘In the States,’ said John—‘California. I’ve made my pile though; and it suddenly struck me it would be a noble scheme to come home for Christmas.’
‘In the States,’ John said, ‘California. I’ve made my fortune though; and it suddenly hit me that it would be a great idea to come home for Christmas.’
‘I see,’ said Beatson. ‘Well, I hope we’ll see something of you now you’re here.’
“I see,” said Beatson. “Well, I hope we’ll see more of you now that you’re here.”
‘Oh, I guess so,’ said John, a little frozen.
‘Oh, I guess so,’ said John, slightly stunned.
‘Well, ta-ta,’ concluded Beatson, and he shook hands again and went.
‘Well, see you later,’ concluded Beatson, and he shook hands again and left.
This was a cruel first experience. It was idle to blink facts: here was John home again, and Beatson—Old Beatson—did not care a rush. He recalled Old Beatson in the past—that merry and affectionate lad—and their joint adventures and mishaps, the window they had broken with a catapult in India Place, the escalade of the castle rock, and many another inestimable bond of friendship; and his hurt surprise grew deeper. Well, after all, it was only on a man’s own family that he could count; blood was thicker than water, he remembered; and the net result of this encounter was to bring him to the doorstep of his father’s house, with tenderer and softer feelings.
This was a harsh first experience. It was pointless to ignore the facts: John was home again, and Beatson—Old Beatson—didn't care at all. He thought back to the old Beatson from before—the cheerful and caring guy—and all their adventures and misadventures, like the time they broke a window with a catapult in India Place, the climb up Castle Rock, and many other priceless memories of friendship; and his wounded surprise deepened. Well, after all, the only people you could really rely on were your own family; blood is thicker than water, he remembered; and the end result of this meeting brought him to the doorstep of his father's house, feeling more tender and sensitive.
The night had come; the fanlight over the door shone bright; the two windows of the dining-room where the cloth was being laid, and the three windows of the drawing-room where Maria would be waiting dinner, glowed softlier through yellow blinds. It was like a vision of the past. All this time of his absence life had gone forward with an equal foot, and the fires and the gas had been lighted, and the meals spread, at the accustomed hours. At the accustomed hour, too, the bell had sounded thrice to call the family to worship. And at the thought, a pang of regret for his demerit seized him; he remembered the things that were good and that he had neglected, and the things that were evil and that he had loved; and it was with a prayer upon his lips that he mounted the steps and thrust the key into the key-hole.
The night had fallen; the light above the door shone bright; the two windows of the dining room, where the table was being set, and the three windows of the living room, where Maria would be waiting for dinner, glowed softly through yellow blinds. It felt like a glimpse of the past. Throughout his absence, life had continued normally, with the fires and gas lights turned on, and meals served at the usual times. At the usual hour, the bell had rung three times to call the family to worship. And with that thought, a wave of regret for his shortcomings hit him; he remembered the good things he had neglected and the bad things he had embraced; it was with a prayer on his lips that he climbed the steps and inserted the key into the lock.
He stepped into the lighted hall, shut the door softly behind him, and stood there fixed in wonder. No surprise of strangeness could equal the surprise of that complete familiarity. There was the bust of Chalmers near the stair-railings, there was the clothes-brush in the accustomed place; and there, on the hat-stand, hung hats and coats that must surely be the same as he remembered. Ten years dropped from his life, as a pin may slip between the fingers; and the ocean and the mountains, and the mines, and crowded marts and mingled races of San Francisco, and his own fortune and his own disgrace, became, for that one moment, the figures of a dream that was over.
He walked into the lit hall, closed the door gently behind him, and stood there in amazement. No feeling of strangeness could match the shock of finding everything so familiar. There was the bust of Chalmers near the stairs, the clothes brush in its usual spot; and there, on the hat rack, hung hats and coats that had to be the same as he remembered. Ten years fell away from his life like a pin slipping through fingers; the ocean, the mountains, the mines, the bustling markets, and the mixed cultures of San Francisco, along with his own success and shame, all faded into the background for that one moment, like the figures in a dream that had passed.
He took off his hat, and moved mechanically toward the stand; and there he found a small change that was a great one to him. The pin that had been his from boyhood, where he had flung his balmoral when he loitered home from the Academy, and his first hat when he came briskly back from college or the office—his pin was occupied. ‘They might have at least respected my pin!’ he thought, and he was moved as by a slight, and began at once to recollect that he was here an interloper, in a strange house, which he had entered almost by a burglary, and where at any moment he might be scandalously challenged.
He took off his hat and walked over to the stand; there he found a small change that meant a lot to him. The pin he had owned since childhood, the one he threw on whenever he strolled home from the Academy, and his first hat when he returned from college or work—his pin was being used by someone else. ‘They could have at least respected my pin!’ he thought, feeling slighted, and he suddenly remembered that he was just an outsider in this strange house, which he had entered almost like a burglar, and where he could be confronted at any moment.
He moved at once, his hat still in his hand, to the door of his father’s room, opened it, and entered. Mr. Nicholson sat in the same place and posture as on that last Sunday morning; only he was older, and greyer, and sterner; and as he now glanced up and caught the eye of his son, a strange commotion and a dark flush sprung into his face.
He immediately moved, his hat still in hand, to his father's room, opened the door, and stepped inside. Mr. Nicholson sat in the same place and position as on that last Sunday morning; he was just older, grayer, and more serious. As he looked up and met his son's gaze, a strange turmoil and a dark flush appeared on his face.
‘Father,’ said John, steadily, and even cheerfully, for this was a moment against which he was long ago prepared, ‘father, here I am, and here is the money that I took from you. I have come back to ask your forgiveness, and to stay Christmas with you and the children.’
‘Dad,’ said John, calmly and even cheerfully, since he had been prepared for this moment for a long time, ‘Dad, here I am, and here’s the money I took from you. I’ve come back to ask for your forgiveness and to spend Christmas with you and the kids.’
‘Keep your money,’ said the father, ‘and go!’
‘Keep your money,’ said the father, ‘and go!’
‘Father!’ cried John; ‘for God’s sake don’t receive me this way. I’ve come for—’
‘Dad!’ cried John; ‘please don’t greet me like this. I’ve come for—’
‘Understand me,’ interrupted Mr. Nicholson; ‘you are no son of mine; and in the sight of God, I wash my hands of you. One last thing I will tell you; one warning I will give you; all is discovered, and you are being hunted for your crimes; if you are still at large it is thanks to me; but I have done all that I mean to do; and from this time forth I would not raise one finger—not one finger—to save you from the gallows! And now,’ with a low voice of absolute authority, and a single weighty gesture of the finger, ‘and now—go!’
“Listen to me,” Mr. Nicholson interrupted; “you’re no son of mine, and in the eyes of God, I wash my hands of you. I’ll tell you one last thing; it’s a warning: everything is out in the open, and you’re being hunted for your crimes. If you’re still free, it’s because of me. But I’ve done all I’m going to do, and from now on, I won’t lift a finger—not one finger—to save you from the gallows! And now,” he said in a low voice of complete authority, with a single heavy gesture of his finger, “and now—go!”
p. 45CHAPTER VI—THE HOUSE AT MURRAYFIELD
How John passed the evening, in what windy confusion of mind, in what squalls of anger and lulls of sick collapse, in what pacing of streets and plunging into public-houses, it would profit little to relate. His misery, if it were not progressive, yet tended in no way to diminish; for in proportion as grief and indignation abated, fear began to take their place. At first, his father’s menacing words lay by in some safe drawer of memory, biding their hour. At first, John was all thwarted affection and blighted hope; next bludgeoned vanity raised its head again, with twenty mortal gashes: and the father was disowned even as he had disowned the son. What was this regular course of life, that John should have admired it? what were these clock-work virtues, from which love was absent? Kindness was the test, kindness the aim and soul; and judged by such a standard, the discarded prodigal—now rapidly drowning his sorrows and his reason in successive drams—was a creature of a lovelier morality than his self-righteous father. Yes, he was the better man; he felt it, glowed with the consciousness, and entering a public-house at the corner of Howard Place (whither he had somehow wandered) he pledged his own virtues in a glass—perhaps the fourth since his dismissal. Of that he knew nothing, keeping no account of what he did or where he went; and in the general crashing hurry of his nerves, unconscious of the approach of intoxication. Indeed, it is a question whether he were really growing intoxicated, or whether at first the spirits did not even sober him. For it was even as he drained this last glass that his father’s ambiguous and menacing words—popping from their hiding-place in memory—startled him like a hand laid upon his shoulder. ‘Crimes, hunted, the gallows.’ They were ugly words; in the ears of an innocent man, perhaps all the uglier; for if some judicial error were in act against him, who should set a limit to its grossness or to how far it might be pushed? Not John, indeed; he was no believer in the powers of innocence, his cursed experience pointing in quite other ways; and his fears, once wakened, grew with every hour and hunted him about the city streets.
How John spent the evening, in a whirlwind of confusion, anger, and moments of exhaustion, along with his aimless wandering through streets and dropping into bars, would not be worth detailing. His misery, while not getting worse, definitely didn't ease up; as sadness and anger faded, fear began to take their place. At first, his father's threatening words sat in some corner of his mind, waiting for their moment. Initially, John was all about frustrated love and broken dreams; then, his wounded pride reemerged with painful reminders, and he cut ties with his father just as his father had done to him. What was this ordinary life that John had admired? What were these mechanical virtues devoid of love? Kindness was the measure, kindness the goal and essence; and judged by that standard, the outcast—now quickly drowning his pain and sanity in drink after drink—was a more moral person than his self-righteous father. Yes, he was the better man; he felt it and glowed with that awareness. Entering a pub at the corner of Howard Place (where he had somehow ended up), he raised a glass to his own values—maybe the fourth since he was fired. He paid no attention to how much he drank or where he wandered, lost in the frantic rush of his nerves, unaware of the impending intoxication. In fact, it was uncertain whether he was truly getting drunk or if the drinks initially made him feel more clear-headed. For it was as he drained this last glass that his father's vague and threatening words—jumping out from the shadows of his mind—startled him like a hand on his shoulder. ‘Crimes, hunted, the gallows.’ They were harsh words; for an innocent man, perhaps even harsher; if some wrongful judgment was being acted upon him, who could say how twisted it might be or how far it could go? Not John, for sure; he didn’t believe in the power of innocence, his painful experiences pointing in different directions; and once his fears were stirred, they grew every hour, chasing him through the city streets.
It was, perhaps, nearly nine at night; he had eaten nothing since lunch, he had drunk a good deal, and he was exhausted by emotion, when the thought of Houston came into his head. He turned, not merely to the man as a friend, but to his house as a place of refuge. The danger that threatened him was still so vague that he knew neither what to fear nor where he might expect it; but this much at least seemed undeniable, that a private house was safer than a public inn. Moved by these counsels, he turned at once to the Caledonian Station, passed (not without alarm) into the bright lights of the approach, redeemed his portmanteau from the cloak-room, and was soon whirling in a cab along the Glasgow Road. The change of movement and position, the sight of the lamps twinkling to the rear, and the smell of damp and mould and rotten straw which clung about the vehicle, wrought in him strange alternations of lucidity and mortal giddiness.
It was probably close to nine at night; he hadn't eaten anything since lunch, he had been drinking quite a bit, and he was worn out from all the emotions when the thought of Houston crossed his mind. He turned to the man not just as a friend but also to his house as a safe haven. The danger he faced was still so unclear that he didn't know what to fear or where it might come from; but it was clear enough that a private home was safer than a public inn. Prompted by these thoughts, he headed straight to the Caledonian Station, entered (not without some anxiety) into the bright lights of the entrance, retrieved his suitcase from the cloakroom, and soon found himself racing in a cab along the Glasgow Road. The change in movement and surroundings, the sight of the lamps flickering behind him, and the smell of dampness, mold, and rotten straw that lingered in the vehicle brought about strange shifts between clarity and dizziness.
‘I have been drinking,’ he discovered; ‘I must go straight to bed, and sleep.’ And he thanked Heaven for the drowsiness that came upon his mind in waves.
‘I’ve been drinking,’ he realized; ‘I need to go straight to bed and sleep.’ And he thanked Heaven for the wave of drowsiness that washed over his mind.
From one of these spells he was wakened by the stoppage of the cab; and, getting down, found himself in quite a country road, the last lamp of the suburb shining some way below, and the high walls of a garden rising before him in the dark. The Lodge (as the place was named), stood, indeed, very solitary. To the south it adjoined another house, but standing in so large a garden as to be well out of cry; on all other sides, open fields stretched upward to the woods of Corstorphine Hill, or backward to the dells of Ravelston, or downward toward the valley of the Leith. The effect of seclusion was aided by the great height of the garden walls, which were, indeed, conventual, and, as John had tested in former days, defied the climbing schoolboy. The lamp of the cab threw a gleam upon the door and the not brilliant handle of the bell.
He was jolted awake from one of those spells when the cab came to a stop. Getting out, he found himself on a quiet country road, with the last streetlight of the suburb flickering far below and the tall walls of a garden looming ahead in the dark. The Lodge, as it was called, was quite isolated. To the south, it was next to another house, but that house was set back far enough in its big garden to be out of earshot; on all other sides, open fields stretched up toward the woods of Corstorphine Hill, back toward the dells of Ravelston, or down toward the valley of the Leith. The sense of seclusion was intensified by the height of the garden walls, which were so tall they resembled those of a convent and, as John had remembered from earlier days, were difficult for a schoolboy to climb. The cab's light cast a glow on the door and the rather dull bell handle.
‘Shall I ring for ye?’ said the cabman, who had descended from his perch, and was slapping his chest, for the night was bitter.
“Should I call for you?” said the cab driver, who had gotten down from his seat and was slapping his chest, since the night was freezing.
‘I wish you would,’ said John, putting his hand to his brow in one of his accesses of giddiness.
‘I wish you would,’ said John, pressing his hand to his forehead during one of his dizzy spells.
The man pulled at the handle, and the clanking of the bell replied from further in the garden; twice and thrice he did it, with sufficient intervals; in the great frosty silence of the night the sounds fell sharp and small.
The man pulled the handle, and the bell clanged back from deeper in the garden; he did it twice and then three times, with enough pauses in between; in the deep, cold silence of the night, the sounds rang out clear and crisp.
‘Does he expect ye?’ asked the driver, with that manner of familiar interest that well became his port-wine face; and when John had told him no, ‘Well, then,’ said the cabman, ‘if ye’ll tak’ my advice of it, we’ll just gang back. And that’s disinterested, mind ye, for my stables are in the Glesgie Road.’
"Does he expect you?" asked the driver, with that friendly curiosity that suited his port-wine complexion; and when John told him no, he said, "Well, then, if you’ll take my advice, we’ll just head back. And that’s genuine, just so you know, because my stables are on Glesgie Road."
‘The servants must hear,’ said John.
‘The staff needs to hear,’ said John.
‘Hout!’ said the driver. ‘He keeps no servants here, man. They’re a’ in the town house; I drive him often; it’s just a kind of a hermitage, this.’
‘Hey!’ said the driver. ‘He doesn’t have any staff here, man. They’re all in the town house; I drive him often; it’s basically a kind of retreat, this.’
‘Give me the bell,’ said John; and he plucked at it like a man desperate.
"Give me the bell," John said, pulling at it like a desperate man.
The clamour had not yet subsided before they heard steps upon the gravel, and a voice of singular nervous irritability cried to them through the door, ‘Who are you, and what do you want?’
The noise hadn't died down yet when they heard footsteps on the gravel, and a voice full of nervous irritation shouted at them through the door, “Who are you, and what do you want?”
‘Alan,’ said John, ‘it’s me—it’s Fatty—John, you know. I’m just come home, and I’ve come to stay with you.’
‘Alan,’ said John, ‘it’s me—it’s Fatty—John, you know. I just got home, and I’m here to stay with you.’
There was no reply for a moment, and then the door was opened.
There was no response for a moment, and then the door was opened.
‘Get the portmanteau down,’ said John to the driver.
“Get the suitcase down,” John said to the driver.
‘Do nothing of the kind,’ said Alan; and then to John, ‘Come in here a moment. I want to speak to you.’
‘Don’t do anything like that,’ said Alan; and then to John, ‘Come in here for a second. I need to talk to you.’
John entered the garden, and the door was closed behind him. A candle stood on the gravel walk, winking a little in the draughts; it threw inconstant sparkles on the clumped holly, struck the light and darkness to and fro like a veil on Alan’s features, and sent his shadow hovering behind him. All beyond was inscrutable; and John’s dizzy brain rocked with the shadow. Yet even so, it struck him that Alan was pale, and his voice, when he spoke, unnatural.
John walked into the garden, and the door closed behind him. A candle sat on the gravel path, flickering slightly in the drafts; it cast shifting sparkles on the clustered holly, making light and darkness dance across Alan’s face and sent his shadow floating behind him. Everything beyond was a mystery, and John’s spinning mind struggled with the shadow. Still, he couldn't help but notice that Alan looked pale, and his voice, when he spoke, sounded unusual.
‘What brings you here to-night?’ he began. ‘I don’t want, God knows, to seem unfriendly; but I cannot take you in, Nicholson; I cannot do it.’
‘What brings you here tonight?’ he started. ‘I really don’t want to come off as unfriendly, but I can’t let you in, Nicholson; I just can’t do it.’
‘Alan,’ said John, ‘you’ve just got to! You don’t know the mess I’m in; the governor’s turned me out, and I daren’t show my face in an inn, because they’re down on me for murder or something!’
‘Alan,’ said John, ‘you have to! You have no idea how much trouble I’m in; the governor kicked me out, and I can’t even show my face in a pub because they think I did something terrible like murder!’
‘For what?’ cried Alan, starting.
"Why?" cried Alan, startled.
‘Murder, I believe,’ says John.
"That's murder, I think," says John.
‘Murder!’ repeated Alan, and passed his hand over his eyes. ‘What was that you were saying?’ he asked again.
‘Murder!’ Alan repeated, running his hand over his eyes. ‘What were you saying?’ he asked again.
‘That they were down on me,’ said John. ‘I’m accused of murder, by what I can make out; and I’ve really had a dreadful day of it, Alan, and I can’t sleep on the roadside on a night like this—at least, not with a portmanteau,’ he pleaded.
‘They’re out to get me,’ said John. ‘I’m being accused of murder, from what I can tell; and I've had a terrible day, Alan, and I can’t sleep on the roadside on a night like this—at least, not with a suitcase,’ he pleaded.
‘Hush!’ said Alan, with his head on one side; and then, ‘Did you hear nothing?’ he asked.
‘Shh!’ Alan said, tilting his head to the side; then he asked, ‘Did you not hear anything?’
‘No,’ said John, thrilling, he knew not why, with communicated terror. ‘No, I heard nothing; why?’ And then, as there was no answer, he reverted to his pleading: ‘But I say, Alan, you’ve just got to take me in. I’ll go right away to bed if you have anything to do. I seem to have been drinking; I was that knocked over. I wouldn’t turn you away, Alan, if you were down on your luck.’
‘No,’ John said, feeling an unexplained thrill of fear. ‘No, I didn’t hear anything; why?’ When there was no response, he went back to begging: ‘But listen, Alan, you have to let me stay. I’ll go straight to bed if you have things to do. I think I might have been drinking; I’m that out of it. I wouldn’t turn you away, Alan, if you were struggling.’
‘No?’ returned Alan. ‘Neither will you, then. Come and let’s get your portmanteau.’
‘No?’ Alan replied. ‘Neither will you, then. Come on, let’s get your suitcase.’
The cabman was paid, and drove off down the long, lamp-lighted hill, and the two friends stood on the side-walk beside the portmanteau till the last rumble of the wheels had died in silence. It seemed to John as though Alan attached importance to this departure of the cab; and John, who was in no state to criticise, shared profoundly in the feeling.
The cab driver was paid and drove away down the long, lamp-lit hill, while the two friends stood on the sidewalk next to the suitcase until the sound of the wheels faded into silence. John felt as if Alan placed significant importance on the cab's departure, and since John wasn't in the right mindset to judge, he deeply felt the same way.
When the stillness was once more perfect, Alan shouldered the portmanteau, carried it in, and shut and locked the garden door; and then, once more, abstraction seemed to fall upon him, and he stood with his hand on the key, until the cold began to nibble at John’s fingers.
When the silence was completely back, Alan picked up the suitcase, brought it inside, and shut and locked the garden door; then, once again, he seemed lost in thought, standing there with his hand on the key until the cold started to bite at John’s fingers.
‘Why are we standing here?’ asked John.
‘Why are we just standing here?’ asked John.
‘Eh?’ said Alan, blankly.
"Eh?" Alan said, blankly.
‘Why, man, you don’t seem yourself,’ said the other.
‘Why, man, you don’t seem like yourself,’ said the other.
‘No, I’m not myself,’ said Alan; and he sat down on the portmanteau and put his face in his hands.
‘No, I’m not myself,’ Alan said, sitting down on the suitcase and putting his face in his hands.
John stood beside him swaying a little, and looking about him at the swaying shadows, the flitting sparkles, and the steady stars overhead, until the windless cold began to touch him through his clothes on the bare skin. Even in his bemused intelligence, wonder began to awake.
John stood next to him, swaying a bit and looking around at the swaying shadows, the flickering sparkles, and the steady stars above, until the cold, still air started to creep in through his clothes to his bare skin. Even in his dazed state, a sense of wonder began to stir.
‘I say, let’s come on to the house,’ he said at last.
"I think we should head to the house," he said finally.
‘Yes, let’s come on to the house,’ repeated Alan.
‘Yeah, let’s head to the house,’ Alan repeated.
And he rose at once, reshouldered the portmanteau, and taking the candle in his other hand, moved forward to the Lodge. This was a long, low building, smothered in creepers; and now, except for some chinks of light between the dining-room shutters, it was plunged in darkness and silence.
And he stood up immediately, adjusted the suitcase on his shoulder, and holding the candle in his other hand, walked towards the Lodge. This was a long, low building covered in vines; and now, aside from a few slits of light between the dining-room shutters, it was engulfed in darkness and quiet.
In the hall Alan lighted another candle, gave it to John, and opened the door of a bedroom.
In the hall, Alan lit another candle, handed it to John, and opened the door to a bedroom.
‘Here,’ said he; ‘go to bed. Don’t mind me, John. You’ll be sorry for me when you know.’
‘Here,’ he said, ‘go to bed. Don't worry about me, John. You'll regret it when you find out.’
‘Wait a bit,’ returned John; ‘I’ve got so cold with all that standing about. Let’s go into the dining-room a minute. Just one glass to warm me, Alan.’
‘Hold on a sec,’ John said. ‘I’ve gotten so cold standing around like this. Let’s step into the dining room for a minute. Just one drink to warm me up, Alan.’
On the table in the hall stood a glass, and a bottle with a whisky label on a tray. It was plain the bottle had been just opened, for the cork and corkscrew lay beside it.
On the table in the hallway, there was a glass and a bottle with a whiskey label on a tray. It was clear that the bottle had just been opened, as the cork and corkscrew were lying next to it.
‘Take that,’ said Alan, passing John the whisky, and then with a certain roughness pushed his friend into the bedroom, and closed the door behind him.
“Here you go,” Alan said, handing John the whisky, and then with a bit of force, he shoved his friend into the bedroom and closed the door behind him.
John stood amazed; then he shook the bottle, and, to his further wonder, found it partly empty. Three or four glasses were gone. Alan must have uncorked a bottle of whisky and drank three or four glasses one after the other, without sitting down, for there was no chair, and that in his own cold lobby on this freezing night! It fully explained his eccentricities, John reflected sagely, as he mixed himself a grog. Poor Alan! He was drunk; and what a dreadful thing was drink, and what a slave to it poor Alan was, to drink in this unsociable, uncomfortable fashion! The man who would drink alone, except for health’s sake—as John was now doing—was a man utterly lost. He took the grog out, and felt hazier, but warmer. It was hard work opening the portmanteau and finding his night things; and before he was undressed, the cold had struck home to him once more. ‘Well,’ said he; ‘just a drop more. There’s no sense in getting ill with all this other trouble.’ And presently dreamless slumber buried him.
John stood in shock; then he shook the bottle and, to his surprise, discovered it was partly empty. Three or four glasses were missing. Alan must have opened a bottle of whisky and downed three or four glasses in a row without sitting down, since there was no chair, and all of this in his own cold hallway on this freezing night! John thoughtfully realized this explained Alan's odd behavior as he mixed himself a drink. Poor Alan! He was drunk; and what a terrible thing alcohol was, and how much of a slave poor Alan was to it, drinking in such a lonely, uncomfortable way! A person who drinks alone, except for health reasons—as John was doing now—was a person completely lost. He took the drink and felt a bit hazier, but warmer. It was a struggle to open the suitcase and find his pajamas; and before he could undress, the cold hit him again. "Well," he said; "just a bit more. There's no point in getting sick with all this other trouble." And soon, deep sleep engulfed him.
When John awoke it was day. The low winter sun was already in the heavens, but his watch had stopped, and it was impossible to tell the hour exactly. Ten, he guessed it, and made haste to dress, dismal reflections crowding on his mind. But it was less from terror than from regret that he now suffered; and with his regret there were mingled cutting pangs of penitence. There had fallen upon him a blow, cruel, indeed, but yet only the punishment of old misdoing; and he had rebelled and plunged into fresh sin. The rod had been used to chasten, and he had bit the chastening fingers. His father was right; John had justified him; John was no guest for decent people’s houses, and no fit associate for decent people’s children. And had a broader hint been needed, there was the case of his old friend. John was no drunkard, though he could at times exceed; and the picture of Houston drinking neat spirits at his hall-table struck him with something like disgust. He hung back from meeting his old friend. He could have wished he had not come to him; and yet, even now, where else was he to turn?
When John woke up, it was daytime. The low winter sun was already in the sky, but his watch had stopped, so he couldn’t tell the time exactly. He guessed it was around ten and hurried to get dressed, grim thoughts filling his mind. But his suffering came more from regret than from fear, mixed with sharp feelings of guilt. He had received a harsh blow, undoubtedly, but it was just the consequence of past mistakes; he had rebelled and fallen into new sins. The punishment had been meant to correct him, and instead, he had lashed out. His father was right; John had proven that he wasn’t welcome in decent people's homes and was not suitable company for their children. And if he needed a clearer warning, there was the case of his old friend. John wasn’t a drunkard, though there were times he drank too much; the sight of Houston downing straight liquor at his dining table filled him with disgust. He hesitated to meet his old friend. He wished he hadn’t gone to him, but even now, where else could he turn?
These musings occupied him while he dressed, and accompanied him into the lobby of the house. The door stood open on the garden; doubtless, Alan had stepped forth; and John did as he supposed his friend had done. The ground was hard as iron, the frost still rigorous; as he brushed among the hollies, icicles jingled and glittered in their fall; and wherever he went, a volley of eager sparrows followed him. Here were Christmas weather and Christmas morning duly met, to the delight of children. This was the day of reunited families, the day to which he had so long looked forward, thinking to awake in his own bed in Randolph Crescent, reconciled with all men and repeating the footprints of his youth; and here he was alone, pacing the alleys of a wintry garden and filled with penitential thoughts.
These thoughts filled his mind while he got dressed and stayed with him as he walked into the house's lobby. The door was wide open to the garden; Alan had likely gone outside, so John did the same. The ground was as hard as iron, the frost still biting; as he brushed past the holly bushes, icicles tinkled and sparkled as they fell; and wherever he went, a flurry of eager sparrows followed him. This was typical Christmas weather and Christmas morning, much to the delight of children. It was a day for families to come together, a day he had been eagerly anticipating, imagining waking up in his own bed on Randolph Crescent, reconciled with everyone and revisiting the happy memories of his youth; yet here he was, alone, wandering the paths of a winter garden filled with remorseful thoughts.
And that reminded him: why was he alone? and where was Alan? The thought of the festal morning and the due salutations reawakened his desire for his friend, and he began to call for him by name. As the sound of his voice died away, he was aware of the greatness of the silence that environed him. But for the twittering of the sparrows and the crunching of his own feet upon the frozen snow, the whole windless world of air hung over him entranced, and the stillness weighed upon his mind with a horror of solitude.
And that made him think: why was he alone? And where was Alan? The memory of the joyful morning and the usual greetings reignited his longing for his friend, and he started calling out his name. As his voice faded, he realized how deep the silence was around him. Aside from the chirping of the sparrows and the crunch of his own footsteps on the frozen snow, the entire stillness of the air felt heavy over him, and the quiet pressed down on his mind with a fear of being alone.
Still calling at intervals, but now with a moderated voice, he made the hasty circuit of the garden, and finding neither man nor trace of man in all its evergreen coverts, turned at last to the house. About the house the silence seemed to deepen strangely. The door, indeed, stood open as before; but the windows were still shuttered, the chimneys breathed no stain into the bright air, there sounded abroad none of that low stir (perhaps audible rather to the ear of the spirit than to the ear of the flesh) by which a house announces and betrays its human lodgers. And yet Alan must be there—Alan locked in drunken slumbers, forgetful of the return of day, of the holy season, and of the friend whom he had so coldly received and was now so churlishly neglecting. John’s disgust redoubled at the thought, but hunger was beginning to grow stronger than repulsion, and as a step to breakfast, if nothing else, he must find and arouse this sleeper.
He continued to call out at intervals, but now in a softer tone, quickly went around the garden. Finding no sign of anyone in the thick greenery, he finally turned back to the house. The silence around the house felt oddly heavier. The door was still open like before, but the windows remained shut, the chimneys didn't emit any smoke into the clear air, and there was none of that subtle activity (which might be more perceptible to the spirit than to the senses) that a house shows to reveal its human occupants. Yet Alan had to be there—Alan, locked in a drunken sleep, oblivious to the dawn, the sacred season, and the friend he had received so coldly and was now neglecting. John's disgust grew stronger at the thought, but his hunger started to overpower his revulsion, and as a means to get breakfast, if nothing else, he had to find and wake up this sleeper.
He made the circuit of the bedroom quarters. All, until he came to Alan’s chamber, were locked from without, and bore the marks of a prolonged disuse. But Alan’s was a room in commission, filled with clothes, knickknacks, letters, books, and the conveniences of a solitary man. The fire had been lighted; but it had long ago burned out, and the ashes were stone cold. The bed had been made, but it had not been slept in.
He walked around the bedroom area. All the rooms, except for Alan's, were locked from the outside and showed signs of not being used for a long time. But Alan's room was in use, filled with clothes, trinkets, letters, books, and the necessities of a single man. The fire had been started, but it had gone out a long time ago, and the ashes were completely cold. The bed was made, but it hadn't been slept in.
Worse and worse, then; Alan must have fallen where he sat, and now sprawled brutishly, no doubt, upon the dining-room floor.
Worse and worse, then; Alan must have fallen where he sat, and now sprawled awkwardly, no doubt, on the dining-room floor.
The dining-room was a very long apartment, and was reached through a passage; so that John, upon his entrance, brought but little light with him, and must move toward the windows with spread arms, groping and knocking on the furniture. Suddenly he tripped and fell his length over a prostrate body. It was what he had looked for, yet it shocked him; and he marvelled that so rough an impact should not have kicked a groan out of the drunkard. Men had killed themselves ere now in such excesses, a dreary and degraded end that made John shudder. What if Alan were dead? There would be a Christmas-day!
The dining room was a long space, and you accessed it through a hallway; so when John walked in, he didn't bring much light with him and had to move toward the windows with his arms out, feeling around and bumping into the furniture. Suddenly, he tripped and fell flat over a person lying on the floor. It was what he had been looking for, but it still shocked him; he wondered how such a rough fall hadn’t made the drunk man groan. Men had died from such excesses before, a depressing and disgraceful end that made John shudder. What if Alan were dead? There would be no Christmas Day!
By this, John had his hand upon the shutters, and flinging them back, beheld once again the blessed face of the day. Even by that light the room had a discomfortable air. The chairs were scattered, and one had been overthrown; the table-cloth, laid as if for dinner, was twitched upon one side, and some of the dishes had fallen to the floor. Behind the table lay the drunkard, still unaroused, only one foot visible to John.
By this, John had his hand on the shutters, and throwing them open, he once again saw the bright face of the day. Even in that light, the room felt uncomfortable. The chairs were scattered, and one was knocked over; the tablecloth, set as if for dinner, was pulled to one side, and some of the dishes had fallen to the floor. Behind the table lay the drunk, still unconscious, with only one foot visible to John.
But now that light was in the room, the worst seemed over; it was a disgusting business, but not more than disgusting; and it was with no great apprehension that John proceeded to make the circuit of the table: his last comparatively tranquil moment for that day. No sooner had he turned the corner, no sooner had his eyes alighted on the body, than he gave a smothered, breathless cry, and fled out of the room and out of the house.
But now that there was light in the room, the worst seemed to be over; it was a gross situation, but nothing more than that. John approached the table with little fear, marking his last relatively calm moment for the day. No sooner had he turned the corner and seen the body than he let out a muffled, breathless scream and ran out of the room and out of the house.
It was not Alan who lay there, but a man well up in years, of stern countenance and iron-grey locks; and it was no drunkard, for the body lay in a black pool of blood, and the open eyes stared upon the ceiling.
It wasn't Alan lying there, but an older man with a serious face and iron-grey hair; and he wasn’t a drunkard, as the body lay in a dark pool of blood, and the open eyes stared at the ceiling.
To and fro walked John before the door. The extreme sharpness of the air acted on his nerves like an astringent, and braced them swiftly. Presently, he not relaxing in his disordered walk, the images began to come clearer and stay longer in his fancy; and next the power of thought came back to him, and the horror and danger of his situation rooted him to the ground.
John paced back and forth in front of the door. The intense sharpness of the air hit his nerves like a tonic, quickly steadying them. Soon, as he continued his restless pacing, the images in his mind began to clarify and linger longer; then the ability to think returned to him, and the horror and danger of his situation left him frozen in place.
He grasped his forehead, and staring on one spot of gravel, pieced together what he knew and what he suspected. Alan had murdered some one: possibly ‘that man’ against whom the butler chained the door in Regent Terrace; possibly another; some one at least: a human soul, whom it was death to slay and whose blood lay spilled upon the floor. This was the reason of the whisky drinking in the passage, of his unwillingness to welcome John, of his strange behaviour and bewildered words; this was why he had started at and harped upon the name of murder; this was why he had stood and hearkened, or sat and covered his eyes, in the black night. And now he was gone, now he had basely fled; and to all his perplexities and dangers John stood heir.
He held his forehead and stared at a spot of gravel, trying to put together what he knew and what he suspected. Alan had killed someone: maybe “that man” the butler had locked out at Regent Terrace; maybe someone else; at least one person: a human being, whose death was a grave sin and whose blood was spilled on the floor. This explained the drinking in the hallway, his reluctance to greet John, his strange behavior and confused words; this was why he had reacted to and fixated on the word murder; this was why he had listened intently, or sat with his eyes covered, in the darkness. And now he was gone, now he had cowardly run away; and all his troubles and dangers fell to John.
‘Let me think—let me think,’ he said, aloud, impatiently, even pleadingly, as if to some merciless interrupter. In the turmoil of his wits, a thousand hints and hopes and threats and terrors dinning continuously in his ears, he was like one plunged in the hubbub of a crowd. How was he to remember—he, who had not a thought to spare—that he was himself the author, as well as the theatre, of so much confusion? But in hours of trial the junto of man’s nature is dissolved, and anarchy succeeds.
"Let me think—let me think," he said out loud, impatiently, almost pleading, as if he were addressing an unforgiving interrupter. In the chaos of his thoughts, with a thousand hints, hopes, threats, and fears clamoring in his ears, he felt like someone caught in a noisy crowd. How could he possibly remember—he, who had no mental energy to spare—that he was both the creator and the stage of so much confusion? But in moments of crisis, the complexity of human nature breaks down, and chaos takes over.
It was plain he must stay no longer where he was, for here was a new Judicial Error in the very making. It was not so plain where he must go, for the old Judicial Error, vague as a cloud, appeared to fill the habitable world; whatever it might be, it watched for him, full-grown, in Edinburgh; it must have had its birth in San Francisco; it stood guard, no doubt, like a dragon, at the bank where he should cash his credit; and though there were doubtless many other places, who should say in which of them it was not ambushed? No, he could not tell where he was to go; he must not lose time on these insolubilities. Let him go back to the beginning. It was plain he must stay no longer where he was. It was plain, too, that he must not flee as he was, for he could not carry his portmanteau, and to flee and leave it was to plunge deeper in the mire. He must go, leave the house unguarded, find a cab, and return—return after an absence? Had he courage for that?
It was clear he couldn’t stay where he was any longer, as there was a new legal mistake forming right before him. What wasn’t clear was where he should go, since the old legal mistake, as vague as a cloud, seemed to cover the entire world; whatever it was, it was waiting for him, fully formed, in Edinburgh; it must have originated in San Francisco; it was definitely lurking, like a dragon, at the bank where he needed to cash his credit; and although there were probably many other places, who could say which one was safe? No, he couldn’t figure out where to go; he shouldn’t waste time on these unsolvable issues. He needed to go back to the beginning. It was clear he couldn't remain where he was. It was also clear he couldn’t run away as he was, since he couldn’t carry his suitcase, and leaving it behind would only drag him deeper into trouble. He had to go, leave the house unguarded, find a cab, and return—return after being away? Did he have the courage for that?
And just then he spied a stain about a hand’s-breadth on his trouser-leg, and reached his finger down to touch it. The finger was stained red: it was blood; he stared upon it with disgust, and awe, and terror, and in the sharpness of the new sensation, fell instantly to act.
And just then he noticed a stain about the width of his hand on his trouser leg, and he reached down to touch it. The finger came away red: it was blood; he looked at it with disgust, awe, and fear, and in the intensity of the new feeling, he immediately took action.
He cleansed his finger in the snow, returned into the house, drew near with hushed footsteps to the dining-room door, and shut and locked it. Then he breathed a little freer, for here at least was an oaken barrier between himself and what he feared. Next, he hastened to his room, tore off the spotted trousers which seemed in his eyes a link to bind him to the gallows, flung them in a corner, donned another pair, breathlessly crammed his night things into his portmanteau, locked it, swung it with an effort from the ground, and with a rush of relief, came forth again under the open heavens.
He cleaned his finger in the snow, went back inside the house, crept quietly to the dining room door, and shut and locked it. Then he breathed a little easier, because at least there was a solid door between him and what he was afraid of. Next, he rushed to his room, ripped off the spotted trousers that felt like a connection to the gallows, threw them into a corner, put on a different pair, hurriedly stuffed his night clothes into his suitcase, locked it, and with a strain, lifted it off the ground. With a rush of relief, he stepped back out into the open air.
The portmanteau, being of occidental build, was no feather-weight; it had distressed the powerful Alan; and as for John, he was crushed under its bulk, and the sweat broke upon him thickly. Twice he must set it down to rest before he reached the gate; and when he had come so far, he must do as Alan did, and take his seat upon one corner. Here then, he sat a while and panted; but now his thoughts were sensibly lightened; now, with the trunk standing just inside the door, some part of his dissociation from the house of crime had been effected, and the cabman need not pass the garden wall. It was wonderful how that relieved him; for the house, in his eyes, was a place to strike the most cursory beholder with suspicion, as though the very windows had cried murder.
The suitcase, being built in a Western style, was no lightweight; it had worn down the strong Alan; and as for John, he was overwhelmed by its weight, and sweat poured down him. Twice he had to set it down to take a break before he reached the gate; and once he got that far, he had to do what Alan did and sit on one corner. So, he sat there for a while, catching his breath; but now his thoughts were noticeably lighter; now, with the trunk standing just inside the door, he had made some progress in separating himself from that house of crime, and the cab driver didn't need to go past the garden wall. It was amazing how much that relieved him; because the house, to him, was a place that would raise suspicion in even the most casual observer, as if the very windows were screaming murder.
But there was to be no remission of the strokes of fate. As he thus sat, taking breath in the shadow of the wall and hopped about by sparrows, it chanced that his eye roved to the fastening of the door; and what he saw plucked him to his feet. The thing locked with a spring; once the door was closed, the bolt shut of itself; and without a key, there was no means of entering from without.
But there was no escape from fate's blows. As he sat there, catching his breath in the shadow of the wall and surrounded by sparrows, he happened to glance at the door lock; what he saw made him spring to his feet. The lock had a spring mechanism; once the door was closed, the bolt shut automatically, and without a key, there was no way to get in from the outside.
He saw himself obliged to one of two distasteful and perilous alternatives; either to shut the door altogether and set his portmanteau out upon the wayside, a wonder to all beholders; or to leave the door ajar, so that any thievish tramp or holiday schoolboy might stray in and stumble on the grisly secret. To the last, as the least desperate, his mind inclined; but he must first insure himself that he was unobserved. He peered out, and down the long road; it lay dead empty. He went to the corner of the by-road that comes by way of Dean; there also not a passenger was stirring. Plainly it was, now or never, the high tide of his affairs; and he drew the door as close as he durst, slipped a pebble in the chink, and made off downhill to find a cab.
He found himself stuck between two unpleasant and risky choices: either to shut the door completely and leave his suitcase out on the roadside, a curiosity for anyone passing by; or to leave the door slightly open, allowing any sneaky drifter or mischievous schoolboy to wander in and discover the disturbing secret. He leaned towards the second option, as it seemed the least desperate, but first, he needed to make sure he was unseen. He peeked outside and down the long road; it was completely empty. He checked the side road that comes from Dean; there too, no one was around. Clearly, this was now or never; the peak moment of his situation. He pulled the door as tight as he dared, wedged a pebble in the gap, and hurried downhill to catch a cab.
Half-way down a gate opened, and a troop of Christmas children sallied forth in the most cheerful humour, followed more soberly by a smiling mother.
Halfway down, a gate opened, and a group of Christmas kids came out in the happiest mood, followed more seriously by a smiling mom.
‘And this is Christmas-day!’ thought John; and could have laughed aloud in tragic bitterness of heart.
‘And this is Christmas Day!’ thought John, and he could have laughed out loud with a tragic bitterness in his heart.
p. 63CHAPTER VII—A TRAGI-COMEDY IN A CAB
In front of Donaldson’s Hospital, John counted it good fortune to perceive a cab a great way of, and by much shouting and waving of his arm, to catch the notice of the driver. He counted it good fortune, for the time was long to him till he should have done for ever with the Lodge; and the further he must go to find a cab, the greater the chance that the inevitable discovery had taken place, and that he should return to find the garden full of angry neighbours. Yet when the vehicle drew up he was sensibly chagrined to recognise the port-wine cabman of the night before. ‘Here,’ he could not but reflect, ‘here is another link in the Judicial Error.’
In front of Donaldson’s Hospital, John considered himself lucky to spot a cab in the distance, and by shouting and waving his arm, he managed to get the driver's attention. He felt fortunate because the time felt long until he would finally be done with the Lodge; the farther he had to go to find a cab, the greater the chance that the inevitable discovery had already happened, and he would come back to find the garden filled with angry neighbors. However, when the cab pulled up, he felt quite dismayed to recognize the port-wine cab driver from the night before. ‘Here,’ he couldn’t help but think, ‘is another link in the Judicial Error.’
The driver, on the other hand, was pleased to drop again upon so liberal a fare; and as he was a man—the reader must already have perceived—of easy, not to say familiar, manners, he dropped at once into a vein of friendly talk, commenting on the weather, on the sacred season, which struck him chiefly in the light of a day of liberal gratuities, on the chance which had reunited him to a pleasing customer, and on the fact that John had been (as he was pleased to call it) visibly ‘on the randan’ the night before.
The driver, on the other hand, was happy to be back with such a generous fare; and since he was a man—with which the reader will already be familiar—of casual, if not overly familiar, manners, he immediately began chatting in a friendly way. He talked about the weather, the holiday season, which he mainly saw as a time for generous tips, the luck of running into a pleasant customer again, and the fact that John had been, as he liked to put it, clearly 'out on the town' the night before.
‘And ye look dreidful bad the-day, sir, I must say that,’ he continued. ‘There’s nothing like a dram for ye—if ye’ll take my advice of it; and bein’ as it’s Christmas, I’m no’ saying,’ he added, with a fatherly smile, ‘but what I would join ye mysel’.’
‘And you look really bad today, sir, I have to say that,’ he continued. ‘There’s nothing like a drink for you—if you’ll take my advice; and since it’s Christmas, I’m not saying,’ he added, with a fatherly smile, ‘that I wouldn’t join you myself.’
John had listened with a sick heart.
John had listened with a heavy heart.
‘I’ll give you a dram when we’ve got through,’ said he, affecting a sprightliness which sat on him most unhandsomely, ‘and not a drop till then. Business first, and pleasure afterward.’
"I'll give you a drink when we're done," he said, trying to sound lively, which didn't suit him at all. "First things first: business before pleasure."
With this promise the jarvey was prevailed upon to clamber to his place and drive, with hideous deliberation, to the door of the Lodge. There were no signs as yet of any public emotion; only, two men stood not far off in talk, and their presence, seen from afar, set John’s pulses buzzing. He might have spared himself his fright, for the pair were lost in some dispute of a theological complexion, and with lengthened upper lip and enumerating fingers, pursued the matter of their difference, and paid no heed to John.
With this promise, the driver was convinced to climb into his seat and, with a grim sense of purpose, drive up to the Lodge's door. There were no signs of public emotion yet; only two men stood nearby talking, and their presence made John's heart race. He could have saved himself the fear because the two were deeply involved in a religious argument, furrowing their brows and gesturing with their fingers, completely ignoring John.
But the cabman proved a thorn in the flesh.
But the cab driver turned out to be a real pain.
Nothing would keep him on his perch; he must clamber down, comment upon the pebble in the door (which he regarded as an ingenious but unsafe device), help John with the portmanteau, and enliven matters with a flow of speech, and especially of questions, which I thus condense:—
Nothing would keep him on his perch; he had to climb down, comment on the pebble in the door (which he thought was a clever but risky setup), help John with the suitcase, and liven things up with a stream of conversation, especially with questions, which I’ll sum up like this:—
‘He’ll no’ be here himsel’, will he? No? Well, he’s an eccentric man—a fair oddity—if ye ken the expression. Great trouble with his tenants, they tell me. I’ve driven the fam’ly for years. I drove a cab at his father’s waddin’. What’ll your name be?—I should ken your face. Baigrey, ye say? There were Baigreys about Gilmerton; ye’ll be one of that lot? Then this’ll be a friend’s portmantie, like? Why? Because the name upon it’s Nucholson! Oh, if ye’re in a hurry, that’s another job. Waverley Brig? Are ye for away?’
‘He won’t be here himself, will he? No? Well, he’s an eccentric guy—a real oddball, if you know what I mean. He’s having a lot of trouble with his tenants, they tell me. I’ve driven the family for years. I drove a cab at his father’s wedding. What’s your name?—I should recognize your face. Baigrey, you say? There were Baigreys around Gilmerton; you must be one of them? Then this will be a friend’s suitcase, right? Why? Because the name on it is Nucholson! Oh, if you’re in a hurry, that’s another issue. Waverley Bridge? Are you heading out?’
So the friendly toper prated and questioned and kept John’s heart in a flutter. But to this also, as to other evils under the sun, there came a period; and the victim of circumstances began at last to rumble toward the railway terminus at Waverley Bridge. During the transit, he sat with raised glasses in the frosty chill and mouldy fetor of his chariot, and glanced out sidelong on the holiday face of things, the shuttered shops, and the crowds along the pavement, much as the rider in the Tyburn cart may have observed the concourse gathering to his execution.
So the friendly drinker chatted and asked questions, keeping John's heart racing. But like all other troubles in life, this too came to an end; the victim of circumstance finally began to head towards the train station at Waverley Bridge. During the ride, he sat with glasses raised in the cold, musty smell of his vehicle, glancing sideways at the holiday atmosphere, the closed shops, and the crowds on the sidewalk, much like a condemned man in the Tyburn cart might have watched the crowd gathering for his execution.
At the station his spirits rose again; another stage of his escape was fortunately ended—he began to spy blue water. He called a railway porter, and bade him carry the portmanteau to the cloak-room: not that he had any notion of delay; flight, instant flight was his design, no matter whither; but he had determined to dismiss the cabman ere he named, or even chose, his destination, thus possibly balking the Judicial Error of another link. This was his cunning aim, and now with one foot on the roadway, and one still on the coach-step, he made haste to put the thing in practice, and plunged his hand into his trousers pocket.
At the station, his mood lifted again; another part of his escape was thankfully over—he started to see blue water. He called a railway porter and asked him to take the suitcase to the cloakroom: not that he wanted to waste any time; his plan was to leave immediately, no matter where he ended up going; but he had decided to get rid of the cab driver before he mentioned or even picked his destination, potentially throwing off the Judicial Error of another connection. This was his clever plan, and now with one foot on the roadway and one still on the coach step, he hurried to put it into action and reached into his pants pocket.
There was nothing there!
It was empty!
Oh yes; this time he was to blame. He should have remembered, and when he deserted his blood-stained pantaloons, he should not have deserted along with them his purse. Make the most of his error, and then compare it with the punishment! Conceive his new position, for I lack words to picture it; conceive him condemned to return to that house, from the very thought of which his soul revolted, and once more to expose himself to capture on the very scene of the misdeed: conceive him linked to the mouldy cab and the familiar cabman. John cursed the cabman silently, and then it occurred to him that he must stop the incarceration of his portmanteau; that, at least, he must keep close at hand, and he turned to recall the porter. But his reflections, brief as they had appeared, must have occupied him longer than he supposed, and there was the man already returning with the receipt.
Oh yes; this time he was at fault. He should have remembered, and when he left behind his blood-stained pants, he shouldn't have also left behind his wallet. Consider his mistake, and then think about the consequences! Imagine his new situation, because I can't find the words to describe it; picture him being forced to go back to that house, which repulsed him, and once again putting himself at risk in the very place where it all happened: imagine him tied to the old cab and the familiar cab driver. John silently cursed the cab driver, and then it hit him that he needed to prevent his suitcase from getting locked up; he needed to keep it close by, so he turned to call the porter back. But his thoughts, though they seemed brief, must have taken longer than he realized, because the man was already coming back with the receipt.
Well, that was settled; he had lost his portmanteau also; for the sixpence with which he had paid the Murrayfield Toll was one that had strayed alone into his waistcoat pocket, and unless he once more successfully achieved the adventure of the house of crime, his portmanteau lay in the cloakroom in eternal pawn, for lack of a penny fee. And then he remembered the porter, who stood suggestively attentive, words of gratitude hanging on his lips.
Well, that was that; he had also lost his suitcase; the sixpence he had used to pay the Murrayfield Toll had somehow ended up alone in his waistcoat pocket, and unless he managed to pull off the risky job again, his suitcase would be stuck in the cloakroom forever, just because he didn’t have a penny. And then he remembered the porter, who was standing there eagerly, gratitude on the tip of his tongue.
John hunted right and left; he found a coin—prayed God that it was a sovereign—drew it out, beheld a halfpenny, and offered it to the porter.
John looked around, searching for something. He came across a coin—hoping it was a sovereign—pulled it out, saw that it was just a halfpenny, and handed it to the porter.
The man’s jaw dropped.
The man's jaw dropped.
‘It’s only a halfpenny!’ he said, startled out of railway decency.
‘It’s only a halfpenny!’ he said, surprised and breaking the usual train etiquette.
‘I know that,’ said John, piteously.
“I know that,” John said, sadly.
And here the porter recovered the dignity of man.
And here the porter regained his sense of dignity.
‘Thank you, sir,’ said he, and would have returned the base gratuity. But John, too, would none of it; and as they struggled, who must join in but the cabman?
“Thank you, sir,” he said, and tried to return the low tip. But John wouldn't have any of that; and as they were arguing, who should join in but the cab driver?
‘Hoots, Mr. Baigrey,’ said he, ‘you surely forget what day it is!’
‘Hey, Mr. Baigrey,’ he said, ‘you must be forgetting what day it is!’
‘I tell you I have no change!’ cried John.
‘I’m telling you, I don’t have any change!’ shouted John.
‘Well,’ said the driver, ‘and what then? I would rather give a man a shillin’ on a day like this than put him off with a derision like a bawbee. I’m surprised at the like of you, Mr. Baigrey!’
‘Well,’ said the driver, ‘what about that? I’d rather give a man a shilling on a day like this than brush him off with a joke like a bawbee. I’m surprised by someone like you, Mr. Baigrey!’
‘My name is not Baigrey!’ broke out John, in mere childish temper and distress.
‘My name is not Baigrey!’ John exclaimed, in a fit of childish anger and frustration.
‘Ye told me it was yoursel’,’ said the cabman.
‘You told me it was you,’ said the cab driver.
‘I know I did; and what the devil right had you to ask?’ cried the unhappy one.
"I know I did; but what on earth gave you the right to ask?" shouted the distressed person.
‘Oh, very well,’ said the driver. ‘I know my place, if you know yours—if you know yours!’ he repeated, as one who should imply grave doubt; and muttered inarticulate thunders, in which the grand old name of gentleman was taken seemingly in vain.
‘Oh, fine,’ said the driver. ‘I know my role, if you know yours—if you know yours!’ he repeated, as if to suggest serious doubt; and muttered unclear complaints, in which the once-respected title of gentleman was apparently used disrespectfully.
Oh to have been able to discharge this monster, whom John now perceived, with tardy clear-sightedness, to have begun betimes the festivities of Christmas! But far from any such ray of consolation visiting the lost, he stood bare of help and helpers, his portmanteau sequestered in one place, his money deserted in another and guarded by a corpse; himself, so sedulous of privacy, the cynosure of all men’s eyes about the station; and, as if these were not enough mischances, he was now fallen in ill-blood with the beast to whom his poverty had linked him! In ill-blood, as he reflected dismally, with the witness who perhaps might hang or save him! There was no time to be lost; he durst not linger any longer in that public spot; and whether he had recourse to dignity or conciliation, the remedy must be applied at once. Some happily surviving element of manhood moved him to the former.
Oh, to have been able to deal with this problem, which John now recognized, with slow clarity, had started the Christmas celebrations early! But far from receiving any comforting thought, he stood without help or support, his suitcase left in one spot, his money abandoned in another and watched over by a corpse; himself, so intent on being private, the center of everyone’s attention at the station; and as if that wasn’t enough trouble, he had now fallen out of favor with the very creature to whom his financial difficulties had bound him! In disfavor, as he grimly thought, with the witness who could either condemn or rescue him! There was no time to waste; he couldn’t stay any longer in that public place; whether he chose to act with dignity or seek peace, he needed to take action immediately. Some lingering sense of manhood prompted him to the former.
‘Let us have no more of this,’ said he, his foot once more upon the step. ‘Go back to where we came from.’
‘Let’s not do this anymore,’ he said, his foot back on the step. ‘Go back to where we came from.’
He had avoided the name of any destination, for there was now quite a little band of railway folk about the cab, and he still kept an eye upon the court of justice, and laboured to avoid concentric evidence. But here again the fatal jarvey out-manoeuvred him.
He had dodged mentioning any specific destination, as there was now a small group of railway workers around the cab, and he still watched the court of justice, trying to steer clear of overlapping evidence. But once again, the tricky cab driver outsmarted him.
‘Back to the Ludge?’ cried he, in shrill tones of protest.
‘Back to the Ludge?’ he shouted, protesting loudly.
‘Drive on at once!’ roared John, and slammed the door behind him, so that the crazy chariot rocked and jingled.
‘Drive on now!’ shouted John, and slammed the door behind him, causing the wild carriage to rock and jingle.
Forth trundled the cab into the Christmas streets, the fare within plunged in the blackness of a despair that neighboured on unconsciousness, the driver on the box digesting his rebuke and his customer’s duplicity. I would not be thought to put the pair in competition; John’s case was out of all parallel. But the cabman, too, is worth the sympathy of the judicious; for he was a fellow of genuine kindliness and a high sense of personal dignity incensed by drink; and his advances had been cruelly and publicly rebuffed. As he drove, therefore, he counted his wrongs, and thirsted for sympathy and drink. Now, it chanced he had a friend, a publican in Queensferry Street, from whom, in view of the sacredness of the occasion, he thought he might extract a dram. Queensferry Street lies something off the direct road to Murrayfield. But then there is the hilly cross-road that passes by the valley of the Leith and the Dean Cemetery; and Queensferry Street is on the way to that. What was to hinder the cabman, since his horse was dumb, from choosing the cross-road, and calling on his friend in passing? So it was decided; and the charioteer, already somewhat mollified, turned aside his horse to the right.
The cab rolled into the Christmas streets, with the passenger inside lost in a darkness of despair that was almost unconsciousness, while the driver sat on the box, digesting his rebuke and his customer’s deceit. I wouldn't dare to compare the two; John's situation was entirely unique. But the cab driver also deserves the sympathy of those with good judgment; he was a genuinely kind guy with a strong sense of personal dignity that had been hurt by alcohol, and his attempts to connect had been harshly and publicly rejected. As he drove, he counted his grievances and yearned for understanding and a drink. By chance, he had a friend, a bar owner on Queensferry Street, from whom he thought he might score a shot, given the special occasion. Queensferry Street is a bit off the main road to Murrayfield, but there’s a hilly shortcut that goes by the Leith valley and the Dean Cemetery, and Queensferry Street is on that route. So, what was stopping the cab driver, since his horse was silent, from taking the shortcut and visiting his friend on the way? Decision made, the driver, now somewhat calmed, steered his horse to the right.
John, meanwhile, sat collapsed, his chin sunk upon his chest, his mind in abeyance. The smell of the cab was still faintly present to his senses, and a certain leaden chill about his feet, all else had disappeared in one vast oppression of calamity and physical faintness. It was drawing on to noon—two-and-twenty hours since he had broken bread; in the interval, he had suffered tortures of sorrow and alarm, and been partly tipsy; and though it was impossible to say he slept, yet when the cab stopped and the cabman thrust his head into the window, his attention had to be recalled from depths of vacancy.
John, meanwhile, slumped in his seat, his chin resting on his chest, his mind empty. The smell of the cab still lingered faintly, and a heavy chill surrounded his feet; everything else had faded away into a huge sense of disaster and physical weakness. It was approaching noon—twenty-two hours since he had eaten; during that time, he had endured intense sorrow and anxiety, and had been a bit tipsy. Although it couldn't exactly be called sleeping, when the cab came to a halt and the driver leaned his head inside the window, he had to pull his attention back from a deep emptiness.
‘If you’ll no’ stand me a dram,’ said the driver, with a well-merited severity of tone and manner, ‘I dare say ye’ll have no objection to my taking one mysel’?’
‘If you won't stand me a drink,’ said the driver, with a justified seriousness in his tone and demeanor, ‘I guess you won’t mind if I have one myself?’
‘Yes—no—do what you like,’ returned John; and then, as he watched his tormentor mount the stairs and enter the whisky-shop, there floated into his mind a sense as of something long ago familiar. At that he started fully awake, and stared at the shop-fronts. Yes, he knew them; but when? and how? Long since, he thought; and then, casting his eye through the front glass, which had been recently occluded by the figure of the jarvey, he beheld the tree-tops of the rookery in Randolph Crescent. He was close to home—home, where he had thought, at that hour, to be sitting in the well-remembered drawing-room in friendly converse; and, instead—!
"Sure—do whatever you want," John replied. As he watched his tormentor climb the stairs and walk into the pub, a feeling of something he used to know came back to him. He suddenly became fully alert and stared at the shopfronts. Yes, he recognized them; but when? And how? It felt like ages ago, he thought. Then, glancing through the front window, which had just been blocked by the figure of the cab driver, he saw the treetops of the rookery in Randolph Crescent. He was close to home—home, where he had imagined he would be sitting in the familiar living room having a friendly chat; and instead—!
It was his first impulse to drop into the bottom of the cab; his next, to cover his face with his hands. So he sat, while the cabman toasted the publican, and the publican toasted the cabman, and both reviewed the affairs of the nation; so he still sat, when his master condescended to return, and drive off at last down-hill, along the curve of Lynedoch Place; but even so sitting, as he passed the end of his father’s street, he took one glance from between shielding fingers, and beheld a doctor’s carriage at the door.
His first instinct was to sink down into the cab's seat; his next was to cover his face with his hands. So he sat there, while the cab driver toasted the bartender, and the bartender toasted the cab driver, and both discussed the state of the nation. He still sat there when his boss finally came back and drove off downhill along the curve of Lynedoch Place. Even while sitting, as he passed the end of his father's street, he peeked through his fingers and saw a doctor's carriage at the door.
‘Well, just so,’ thought he; ‘I’ll have killed my father! And this is Christmas-day!’
‘Well, that’s just great,’ he thought; ‘I’ll have killed my dad! And it’s Christmas day!’
If Mr. Nicholson died, it was down this same road he must journey to the grave; and down this road, on the same errand, his wife had preceded him years before; and many other leading citizens, with the proper trappings and attendance of the end. And now, in that frosty, ill-smelling, straw-carpeted, and ragged-cushioned cab, with his breath congealing on the glasses, where else was John himself advancing to?
If Mr. Nicholson died, it was down this same road he would travel to the grave; and down this road, on the same mission, his wife had gone years before; along with many other prominent citizens, with the usual trappings and company of the end. And now, in that cold, unpleasant-smelling, straw-carpeted, and ragged-cushioned cab, with his breath freezing on the windows, where else was John headed?
The thought stirred his imagination, which began to manufacture many thousand pictures, bright and fleeting, like the shapes in a kaleidoscope; and now he saw himself, ruddy and comfortered, sliding in the gutter; and, again, a little woe-begone, bored urchin tricked forth in crape and weepers, descending this same hill at the foot’s pace of mourning coaches, his mother’s body just preceding him; and yet again, his fancy, running far in front, showed him his destination—now standing solitary in the low sunshine, with the sparrows hopping on the threshold and the dead man within staring at the roof—and now, with a sudden change, thronged about with white-faced, hand-uplifting neighbours, and doctor bursting through their midst and fixing his stethoscope as he went, the policeman shaking a sagacious head beside the body. It was to this he feared that he was driving; in the midst of this he saw himself arrive, heard himself stammer faint explanations, and felt the hand of the constable upon his shoulder. Heavens! how he wished he had played the manlier part; how he despised himself that he had fled that fatal neighbourhood when all was quiet, and should now be tamely travelling back when it was thronging with avengers!
The thought sparked his imagination, which started to create thousands of images, bright and fleeting, like the patterns in a kaleidoscope. He pictured himself, rosy and comforted, sliding in the gutter; then he envisioned a sad, bored little boy dressed in black and mourning clothes, moving slowly down the same hill behind a procession of funeral cars, his mother’s body just ahead of him. Again, his imagination raced ahead, showing him his destination—standing alone in the warm sunlight, with sparrows hopping on the doorstep and the deceased inside staring at the ceiling. Suddenly, the scene changed to a crowd of pale-faced neighbors with upraised hands, and a doctor pushing through them, placing his stethoscope into position as he moved, while a policeman stood beside the body, shaking his wise head. This was what he feared he was heading toward; amidst this chaos, he saw himself arrive, heard himself stammering weak explanations, and felt the constable's hand on his shoulder. Oh, how he wished he had acted more bravely; he felt so ashamed for having run away from that terrible neighborhood when everything was calm and now finding himself returning when it was crowded with avengers!
Any strong degree of passion lends, even to the dullest, the forces of the imagination. And so now as he dwelt on what was probably awaiting him at the end of this distressful drive—John, who saw things little, remembered them less, and could not have described them at all, beheld in his mind’s-eye the garden of the Lodge, detailed as in a map; he went to and fro in it, feeding his terrors; he saw the hollies, the snowy borders, the paths where he had sought Alan, the high, conventual walls, the shut door—what! was the door shut? Ay, truly, he had shut it—shut in his money, his escape, his future life—shut it with these hands, and none could now open it! He heard the snap of the spring-lock like something bursting in his brain, and sat astonied.
Any strong feeling of passion even brings imagination to life, even for the most uninteresting people. As he thought about what was likely waiting for him at the end of this troubling drive—John, who noticed little, remembered even less, and couldn’t have described it at all, pictured in his mind the garden of the Lodge, as detailed as a map; he wandered through it, feeding his fears; he saw the hollies, the white borders, the paths where he had looked for Alan, the tall, convent-like walls, the closed door—wait! Was the door closed? Yes, indeed, he had closed it—shut in his money, his escape, his future—he had locked it with these hands, and no one could open it now! He heard the snap of the spring-lock like something bursting in his head and sat there, stunned.
And then he woke again, terror jarring through his vitals. This was no time to be idle; he must be up and doing, he must think. Once at the end of this ridiculous cruise, once at the Lodge door, there would be nothing for it but to turn the cab and trundle back again. Why, then, go so far? why add another feature of suspicion to a case already so suggestive? why not turn at once? It was easy to say, turn; but whither? He had nowhere now to go to; he could never—he saw it in letters of blood—he could never pay that cab; he was saddled with that cab for ever. Oh that cab! his soul yearned and burned, and his bowels sounded to be rid of it. He forgot all other cares. He must first quit himself of this ill-smelling vehicle and of the human beast that guided it—first do that; do that, at least; do that at once.
And then he woke up again, terror jolting through his body. This wasn’t the time to be lazy; he needed to get moving, he needed to think. Once this ridiculous trip was over, once he reached the Lodge door, all he could do was turn the cab around and head back. So, why go so far? Why add another layer of suspicion to a case that was already so suspicious? Why not just turn back right now? It was easy to say, turn; but to where? He had nowhere to go now; he could never—he saw it clearly—he could never pay for that cab; he was stuck with that cab forever. Oh that cab! his soul ached and burned, and he felt desperate to be free from it. He forgot all his other worries. He needed to first get rid of this foul-smelling vehicle and the human beast driving it—he had to do that; at least do that; do that right away.
And just then the cab suddenly stopped, and there was his persecutor rapping on the front glass. John let it down, and beheld the port-wine countenance inflamed with intellectual triumph.
And just then the cab suddenly stopped, and there was his tormentor knocking on the front window. John rolled it down and saw the red-faced figure beaming with intellectual triumph.
‘I ken wha ye are!’ cried the husky voice. ‘I mind ye now. Ye’re a Nucholson. I drove ye to Hermiston to a Christmas party, and ye came back on the box, and I let ye drive.’
‘I know who you are!’ shouted the husky voice. ‘I remember you now. You’re a Nicholson. I took you to Hermiston for a Christmas party, and you came back in the driver’s seat, and I let you drive.’
It is a fact. John knew the man; they had been even friends. His enemy, he now remembered, was a fellow of great good nature—endless good nature—with a boy; why not with a man? Why not appeal to his better side? He grasped at the new hope.
It’s a fact. John knew the guy; they had even been friends. His enemy, now that he thought about it, was a really nice guy—always cheerful—around a kid; so why not with an adult? Why not try to appeal to his better side? He held on to that new hope.
‘Great Scott! and so you did,’ he cried, as if in a transport of delight, his voice sounding false in his own ears. ‘Well, if that’s so, I’ve something to say to you. I’ll just get out, I guess. Where are we, any way?’
'Wow! You really did,' he exclaimed, almost overwhelmed with joy, his voice feeling strange to him. 'If that's the case, I need to tell you something. I think I'll just step out. Where are we, anyway?'
The driver had fluttered his ticket in the eyes of the branch-toll keeper, and they were now brought to on the highest and most solitary part of the by-road. On the left, a row of fieldside trees beshaded it; on the right, it was bordered by naked fallows, undulating down-hill to the Queensferry Road; in front, Corstorphine Hill raised its snow-bedabbled, darkling woods against the sky. John looked all about him, drinking the clear air like wine; then his eyes returned to the cabman’s face as he sat, not ungleefully, awaiting John’s communication, with the air of one looking to be tipped.
The driver had waved his ticket in front of the toll keeper’s face, and they were now brought to the highest and most isolated part of the back road. To the left, a line of trees provided shade; to the right, there were bare fields sloping down to the Queensferry Road; in front of them, Corstorphine Hill loomed with its snowy, shadowy woods against the sky. John looked around, breathing in the fresh air like it was wine; then his gaze returned to the cab driver’s face, who sat there, somewhat cheerfully, waiting for John’s response, clearly looking for a tip.
The features of that face were hard to read, drink had so swollen them, drink had so painted them, in tints that varied from brick-red to mulberry. The small grey eyes blinked, the lips moved, with greed; greed was the ruling passion; and though there was some good nature, some genuine kindliness, a true human touch, in the old toper, his greed was now so set afire by hope, that all other traits of character lay dormant. He sat there a monument of gluttonous desire.
The features of that face were difficult to decipher; alcohol had swollen them, alcohol had painted them in shades ranging from brick-red to mulberry. The small gray eyes blinked, and the lips moved with greed; greed was the overpowering passion. Although there was some good nature, some genuine kindness, a real human touch in the old drunk, his greed was now so ignited by hope that all other aspects of his character lay dormant. He sat there as a monument of gluttonous desire.
John’s heart slowly fell. He had opened his lips, but he stood there and uttered nought. He sounded the well of his courage, and it was dry. He groped in his treasury of words, and it was vacant. A devil of dumbness had him by the throat; the devil of terror babbled in his ears; and suddenly, without a word uttered, with no conscious purpose formed in his will, John whipped about, tumbled over the roadside wall, and began running for his life across the fallows.
John's heart slowly sank. He had opened his mouth, but nothing came out. He searched for his courage, and it was gone. He reached into his collection of words, and there was nothing there. A demon of silence had him by the throat; a demon of fear whispered in his ears; and suddenly, without saying a word, with no deliberate plan in his mind, John turned around, stumbled over the roadside wall, and started running for his life across the fields.
He had not gone far, he was not past the midst of the first afield, when his whole brain thundered within him, ‘Fool! You have your watch!’ The shock stopped him, and he faced once more toward the cab. The driver was leaning over the wall, brandishing his whip, his face empurpled, roaring like a bull. And John saw (or thought) that he had lost the chance. No watch would pacify the man’s resentment now; he would cry for vengeance also. John would be had under the eye of the police; his tale would be unfolded, his secret plumbed, his destiny would close on him at last, and for ever.
He hadn't gone far, not even past the middle of the first field, when he suddenly thought, ‘Idiot! You have your watch!’ The realization froze him in place, and he turned back toward the cab. The driver was leaning over the wall, swinging his whip, his face red with rage, roaring like a bull. John felt that he had lost his chance. No watch would calm the man's anger now; he would demand revenge too. John would be under the watchful eye of the police; his story would come out, his secret exposed, and his fate would catch up to him once and for all.
He uttered a deep sigh; and just as the cabman, taking heart of grace, was beginning at last to scale the wall, his defaulting customer fell again to running, and disappeared into the further fields.
He let out a deep sigh; and just as the cab driver, gaining some courage, was finally starting to climb the wall, his no-show customer took off running again and vanished into the distant fields.
p. 78CHAPTER VIII—SINGULAR INSTANCE OF THE UTILITY OF PASS-KEYS
Where he ran at first, John never very clearly knew; nor yet how long a time elapsed ere he found himself in the by-road near the lodge of Ravelston, propped against the wall, his lungs heaving like bellows, his legs leaden-heavy, his mind possessed by one sole desire—to lie down and be unseen. He remembered the thick coverts round the quarry-hole pond, an untrodden corner of the world where he might surely find concealment till the night should fall. Thither he passed down the lane; and when he came there, behold! he had forgotten the frost, and the pond was alive with young people skating, and the pond-side coverts were thick with lookers-on. He looked on a while himself. There was one tall, graceful maiden, skating hand in hand with a youth, on whom she bestowed her bright eyes perhaps too patently; and it was strange with what anger John beheld her. He could have broken forth in curses; he could have stood there, like a mortified tramp, and shaken his fist and vented his gall upon her by the hour—or so he thought; and the next moment his heart bled for the girl. ‘Poor creature, it’s little she knows!’ he sighed. ‘Let her enjoy herself while she can!’ But was it possible, when Flora used to smile at him on the Braid ponds, she could have looked so fulsome to a sick-hearted bystander?
Where at? he initially ran, John never really knew; nor did he have any idea how long it took before he found himself on the by-road near the Ravelston lodge, leaning against the wall, his chest heaving like a pair of bellows, his legs feeling heavy as lead, and his mind focused only on one desire—to lie down and disappear. He recalled the thick vegetation around the quarry-hole pond, an untouched part of the world where he could surely hide until night fell. He made his way down the lane; and when he arrived, he was surprised to have forgotten the frost, as the pond was bustling with young people skating, and the edges were crowded with spectators. He watched for a bit himself. There was one tall, graceful girl, skating hand in hand with a guy, and she was giving him her bright eyes maybe a little too openly; it was strange how much anger John felt seeing that. He could have shouted curses; he could have stood there like a embarrassed vagrant, shaking his fist and ranting about her for hours—or so he thought; but in the next moment, his heart ached for the girl. 'Poor thing, she knows so little!' he sighed. 'Let her enjoy herself while she can!' But was it possible that when Flora used to smile at him on the Braid ponds, she could have seemed so overly affectionate to a heartbroken onlooker?
The thought of one quarry, in his frozen wits, suggested another; and he plodded off toward Craigleith. A wind had sprung up out of the north-west; it was cruel keen, it dried him like a fire, and racked his finger-joints. It brought clouds, too; pale, swift, hurrying clouds, that blotted heaven and shed gloom upon the earth. He scrambled up among the hazelled rubbish heaps that surround the caldron of the quarry, and lay flat upon the stones. The wind searched close along the earth, the stones were cutting and icy, the bare hazels wailed about him; and soon the air of the afternoon began to be vocal with those strange and dismal harpings that herald snow. Pain and misery turned in John’s limbs to a harrowing impatience and blind desire of change; now he would roll in his harsh lair, and when the flints abraded him, was almost pleased; now he would crawl to the edge of the huge pit and look dizzily down. He saw the spiral of the descending roadway, the steep crags, the clinging bushes, the peppering of snow-wreaths, and far down in the bottom, the diminished crane. Here, no doubt, was a way to end it. But it somehow did not take his fancy.
The thought of one location, in his frozen state of mind, led him to another; so he trudged off toward Craigleith. A wind had picked up from the northwest; it was harsh and chilled him to the bone, making his fingers ache. It also brought clouds—pale, fast-moving clouds that covered the sky and cast shadows on the ground. He climbed among the piles of brush surrounding the quarry's cauldron and lay flat on the stones. The wind swept low across the ground, the stones were sharp and icy, and the bare hazels moaned around him; soon, the afternoon air filled with those strange, eerie sounds that signal impending snow. Pain and misery turned into a desperate impatience and an overwhelming urge for change within John; at times he would roll in his harsh resting place, and when the flints scraped against him, he almost found it satisfying. At other times, he would crawl to the edge of the massive pit and look down in a dizzying haze. He saw the spiral of the descending road, the steep cliffs, the clinging bushes, the scattering of snowdrifts, and far below, the tiny crane. Here, surely, was a way to end it all. But for some reason, it just didn’t appeal to him.
And suddenly he was aware that he was hungry; ay, even through the tortures of the cold, even through the frosts of despair, a gross, desperate longing after food, no matter what, no matter how, began to wake and spur him. Suppose he pawned his watch? But no, on Christmas-day—this was Christmas-day!—the pawnshop would be closed. Suppose he went to the public-house close by at Blackhall, and offered the watch, which was worth ten pounds, in payment for a meal of bread and cheese? The incongruity was too remarkable; the good folks would either put him to the door, or only let him in to send for the police. He turned his pockets out one after another; some San Francisco tram-car checks, one cigar, no lights, the pass-key to his father’s house, a pocket-handkerchief, with just a touch of scent: no, money could be raised on none of these. There was nothing for it but to starve; and after all, what mattered it? That also was a door of exit.
And suddenly he realized he was hungry; yes, even with the freezing cold and the bitter despair, a strong, desperate craving for food, no matter what or how, started to stir within him. What if he pawned his watch? But no, it was Christmas Day—this was Christmas Day!—the pawnshop would be closed. What if he went to the nearby pub in Blackhall and offered the watch, which was worth ten pounds, in exchange for a meal of bread and cheese? The absurdity was too much; the kind people would either kick him out or let him in just to call the cops. He emptied his pockets one by one; some San Francisco tram tickets, a cigar, no matches, the key to his father's house, a handkerchief with a hint of fragrance: no, he couldn't get any money from these. There was nothing to do but starve; and in the end, what did it matter? That was also a way out.
He crept close among the bushes, the wind playing round him like a lash; his clothes seemed thin as paper, his joints burned, his skin curdled on his bones. He had a vision of a high-lying cattle-drive in California, and the bed of a dried stream with one muddy pool, by which the vaqueros had encamped: splendid sun over all, the big bonfire blazing, the strips of cow browning and smoking on a skewer of wood; how warm it was, how savoury the steam of scorching meat! And then again he remembered his manifold calamities, and burrowed and wallowed in the sense of his disgrace and shame. And next he was entering Frank’s restaurant in Montgomery Street, San Francisco; he had ordered a pan-stew and venison chops, of which he was immoderately fond, and as he sat waiting, Munroe, the good attendant, brought him a whisky punch; he saw the strawberries float on the delectable cup, he heard the ice chink about the straws. And then he woke again to his detested fate, and found himself sitting, humped together, in a windy combe of quarry refuse—darkness thick about him, thin flakes of snow flying here and there like rags of paper, and the strong shuddering of his body clashing his teeth like a hiccough.
He crept through the bushes, the wind whipping around him like a whip; his clothes felt as thin as paper, his joints ached, and his skin felt tight against his bones. He imagined a cattle drive in California, with a dry streambed and a muddy pool where the cowboys had set up camp: brilliant sunshine everywhere, a big bonfire crackling, pieces of beef sizzling and smoking on a wooden skewer; it was so warm, and the smell of grilled meat was mouthwatering! Then he remembered all his many misfortunes, and he buried himself in feelings of disgrace and shame. Next, he found himself walking into Frank’s restaurant on Montgomery Street in San Francisco; he ordered a pan-stew and venison chops, which he loved, and while he waited, Munroe, the helpful server, brought him a whisky punch; he watched strawberries bob in the delicious drink and heard the ice clink around the straws. Suddenly, he jolted back to his miserable reality and realized he was sitting hunched over in a windy dump of quarry debris—darkness surrounding him, thin flakes of snow drifting like scraps of paper, and his body shaking with chills, his teeth clattering like a hiccup.
We have seen John in nothing but the stormiest condition; we have seen him reckless, desperate, tried beyond his moderate powers; of his daily self, cheerful, regular, not unthrifty, we have seen nothing; and it may thus be a surprise to the reader to learn that he was studiously careful of his health. This favourite preoccupation now awoke. If he were to sit there and die of cold, there would be mighty little gained; better the police cell and the chances of a jury trial, than the miserable certainty of death at a dyke-side before the next winter’s dawn, or death a little later in the gas-lighted wards of an infirmary.
We have only seen John in the midst of chaos; we've witnessed him being reckless, desperate, and pushed beyond his limits. We haven't seen his everyday self—cheerful, steady, and reasonably frugal. So it might surprise the reader to find out that he was very careful about his health. This concern for his well-being now resurfaced. If he just sat there and froze to death, it wouldn’t accomplish much; a police cell and the possibility of a jury trial would be better than the awful certainty of dying by a ditch before the next winter dawn, or dying a little later in the brightly lit wards of a hospital.
He rose on aching legs, and stumbled here and there among the rubbish heaps, still circumvented by the yawning crater of the quarry; or perhaps he only thought so, for the darkness was already dense, the snow was growing thicker, and he moved like a blind man, and with a blind man’s terrors. At last he climbed a fence, thinking to drop into the road, and found himself staggering, instead, among the iron furrows of a ploughland, endless, it seemed, as a whole county. And next he was in a wood, beating among young trees; and then he was aware of a house with many lighted windows, Christmas carriages waiting at the doors, and Christmas drivers (for Christmas has a double edge) becoming swiftly hooded with snow. From this glimpse of human cheerfulness, he fled like Cain; wandered in the night, unpiloted, careless of whither he went; fell, and lay, and then rose again and wandered further; and at last, like a transformation scene, behold him in the lighted jaws of the city, staring at a lamp which had already donned the tilted night-cap of the snow. It came thickly now, a ‘Feeding Storm’; and while he yet stood blinking at the lamp, his feet were buried. He remembered something like it in the past, a street-lamp crowned and caked upon the windward side with snow, the wind uttering its mournful hoot, himself looking on, even as now; but the cold had struck too sharply on his wits, and memory failed him as to the date and sequel of the reminiscence.
He got up on sore legs and stumbled around the piles of trash, still surrounded by the yawning hole of the quarry; or maybe he just thought so, because the darkness was already thick, the snow was getting heavier, and he moved like a blind man, filled with a blind man’s fears. Finally, he climbed over a fence, thinking he’d drop onto the road, but instead he found himself staggering through the endless iron furrows of a plowed field, which seemed to stretch on like a whole county. Then he was in a woods, pushing through young trees; and soon he spotted a house with many lit windows, Christmas carriages waiting at the doors, and Christmas drivers (because Christmas has a two-sided nature) quickly getting covered in snow. From this brief glimpse of human joy, he ran away like Cain; wandered into the night, aimless and indifferent about where he was going; fell down, lay there, then got up and wandered further; and at last, like a scene change, there he was in the bright lights of the city, staring at a lamp that was already wearing a tilted nightcap of snow. The snowfall became heavy now, a ‘Feeding Storm’; and while he stood there squinting at the lamp, his feet were buried. He remembered something similar from the past, a streetlamp piled and covered on the windward side with snow, the wind making its sorrowful sound, himself watching, just like now; but the cold had numbed his mind too much, and he couldn’t recall when it had happened or what came next.
His next conscious moment was on the Dean Bridge; but whether he was John Nicholson of a bank in a California street, or some former John, a clerk in his father’s office, he had now clean forgotten. Another blank, and he was thrusting his pass-key into the door-lock of his father’s house.
His next clear memory was on the Dean Bridge; but whether he was John Nicholson working at a bank on a California street, or some earlier version of John, a clerk in his dad’s office, he had completely forgotten. Another gap, and he was jamming his pass-key into the lock of his dad’s house.
Hours must have passed. Whether crouched on the cold stones or wandering in the fields among the snow, was more than he could tell; but hours had passed. The finger of the hall clock was close on twelve; a narrow peep of gas in the hall-lamp shed shadows; and the door of the back room—his father’s room—was open and emitted a warm light. At so late an hour, all this was strange; the lights should have been out, the doors locked, the good folk safe in bed. He marvelled at the irregularity, leaning on the hall-table; and marvelled to himself there; and thawed and grew once more hungry, in the warmer air of the house.
Hours must have passed. Whether he was crouched on the cold stones or wandering through the snowy fields, he couldn't tell; but hours had gone by. The hand of the hall clock was close to twelve; a flicker of gas from the hall lamp cast shadows, and the door to the back room—his father’s room—was open and let out a warm light. At this late hour, everything felt strange; the lights should have been off, the doors locked, and the good people safely in bed. He found the irregularity curious, leaning on the hall table, and wondered about it while he slowly warmed up and grew hungry again in the house's warmer air.
The clock uttered its premonitory catch; in five minutes Christmas-day would be among the days of the past—Christmas!—what a Christmas! Well, there was no use waiting; he had come into that house, he scarce knew how; if they were to thrust him forth again, it had best be done at once; and he moved to the door of the back room and entered.
The clock chimed its warning; in five minutes, Christmas would be just a memory—Christmas!—what a Christmas! Well, there was no point in waiting; he had entered that house, hardly knowing how; if they were going to kick him out again, it would be better to do it now; so he walked to the back room door and went in.
Oh, well, then he was insane, as he had long believed.
Oh, well, then he was crazy, just as he had always thought.
There, in his father’s room, at midnight, the fire was roaring and the gas blazing; the papers, the sacred papers—to lay a hand on which was criminal—had all been taken off and piled along the floor; a cloth was spread, and a supper laid, upon the business table; and in his father’s chair a woman, habited like a nun, sat eating. As he appeared in the doorway, the nun rose, gave a low cry, and stood staring. She was a large woman, strong, calm, a little masculine, her features marked with courage and good sense; and as John blinked back at her, a faint resemblance dodged about his memory, as when a tune haunts us, and yet will not be recalled.
There, in his father’s room, at midnight, the fire was roaring and the gas was lit; the papers—the sacred papers that it was a crime to touch—had all been taken off and piled on the floor; a cloth was spread, and a meal was set out on the business table; and in his father’s chair, a woman dressed like a nun sat eating. As he appeared in the doorway, the nun stood up, let out a small cry, and stared. She was a large woman, strong and calm, a bit masculine, her features showing courage and common sense; and as John looked back at her, a faint resemblance flickered in his memory, like when a tune haunts us but won’t come to mind.
‘Why, it’s John!’ cried the nun.
‘Wow, it’s John!’ exclaimed the nun.
‘I dare say I’m mad,’ said John, unconsciously following King Lear; ‘but, upon my word, I do believe you’re Flora.’
‘I have to say I’m crazy,’ said John, unconsciously echoing King Lear; ‘but honestly, I really believe you’re Flora.’
‘Of course I am,’ replied she.
"Of course I am," she replied.
And yet it is not Flora at all, thought John; Flora was slender, and timid, and of changing colour, and dewy-eyed; and had Flora such an Edinburgh accent? But he said none of these things, which was perhaps as well. What he said was, ‘Then why are you a nun?’
And yet it’s not Flora at all, John thought; Flora was slender, timid, had a changing complexion, and dewy eyes; did Flora even have a Scottish accent? But he didn’t say any of that, which was probably for the best. What he did say was, ‘So why are you a nun?’
‘Such nonsense!’ said Flora. ‘I’m a sick-nurse; and I am here nursing your sister, with whom, between you and me, there is precious little the matter. But that is not the question. The point is: How do you come here? and are you not ashamed to show yourself?’
‘What nonsense!’ said Flora. ‘I’m a nurse, and I’m here taking care of your sister, who, between you and me, has very little wrong with her. But that’s not the issue. The real question is: How did you get here? And aren’t you ashamed to be seen?’
‘Flora,’ said John, sepulchrally, ‘I haven’t eaten anything for three days. Or, at least, I don’t know what day it is; but I guess I’m starving.’
‘Flora,’ John said solemnly, ‘I haven’t eaten anything for three days. Or, at least, I don’t know what day it is; but I guess I’m starving.’
‘You unhappy man!’ she cried. ‘Here, sit down and eat my supper; and I’ll just run upstairs and see my patient; not but what I doubt she’s fast asleep, for Maria is a malade imaginaire.’
‘You unhappy man!’ she exclaimed. ‘Here, sit down and eat my dinner; I’ll just run upstairs and check on my patient; although I doubt she’s awake, because Maria is a malade imaginaire.’
With this specimen of the French, not of Stratford-atte-Bowe, but of a finishing establishment in Moray Place, she left John alone in his father’s sanctum. He fell at once upon the food; and it is to be supposed that Flora had found her patient wakeful, and been detained with some details of nursing, for he had time to make a full end of all there was to eat, and not only to empty the teapot, but to fill it again from a kettle that was fitfully singing on his father’s fire. Then he sat torpid, and pleased, and bewildered; his misfortunes were then half forgotten; his mind considering, not without regret, this unsentimental return to his old love.
With this piece of French cuisine, not from Stratford-atte-Bowe, but from a trendy spot in Moray Place, she left John alone in his dad's study. He immediately dug into the food; and it seems that Flora had found her patient awake and had been caught up with some nursing details, because he had enough time to finish everything on his plate, and not only emptied the teapot but also refilled it from a kettle that was occasionally whistling on his father's fire. Afterward, he sat there feeling sluggish, content, and confused; his troubles were momentarily forgotten as he reflected, not without some regret, on this practical return to his former love.
He was thus engaged, when that bustling woman noiselessly re-entered.
He was busy when that energetic woman quietly came back in.
‘Have you eaten?’ said she. ‘Then tell me all about it.’
“Have you eaten?” she asked. “Then tell me all about it.”
It was a long and (as the reader knows) a pitiful story; but Flora heard it with compressed lips. She was lost in none of those questionings of human destiny that have, from time to time, arrested the flight of my own pen; for women, such as she, are no philosophers, and behold the concrete only. And women, such as she, are very hard on the imperfect man.
It was a long and, as the reader knows, a sad story; but Flora listened with pursed lips. She wasn’t caught up in any of those ponderings about human fate that have occasionally slowed down my writing; women like her aren’t philosophers and only see the concrete. And women like her are very tough on the flawed man.
‘Very well,’ said she, when he had done; ‘then down upon your knees at once, and beg God’s forgiveness.’
‘Alright,’ she said when he finished; ‘then get down on your knees right now and ask God for forgiveness.’
And the great baby plumped upon his knees, and did as he was bid; and none the worse for that! But while he was heartily enough requesting forgiveness on general principles, the rational side of him distinguished, and wondered if, perhaps, the apology were not due upon the other part. And when he rose again from that becoming exercise, he first eyed the face of his old love doubtfully, and then, taking heart, uttered his protest.
And the big baby dropped to his knees and did as he was told, and it didn’t hurt him at all! But while he was sincerely asking for forgiveness just because, the logical part of him noticed and wondered if, maybe, he should be apologizing instead. And when he got back up from that fitting position, he first looked at the face of his old love with uncertainty, and then, gathering his courage, voiced his objection.
‘I must say, Flora,’ said he, ‘in all this business, I can see very little fault of mine.’
‘I have to say, Flora,’ he said, ‘in all of this, I can see very little that I did wrong.’
‘If you had written home,’ replied the lady, ‘there would have been none of it. If you had even gone to Murrayfield reasonably sober, you would never have slept there, and the worst would not have happened. Besides, the whole thing began years ago. You got into trouble, and when your father, honest man, was disappointed, you took the pet, or got afraid, and ran away from punishment. Well, you’ve had your own way of it, John, and I don’t suppose you like it.’
‘If you had just written home,’ the lady replied, ‘none of this would have happened. If you had even gone to Murrayfield reasonably sober, you wouldn’t have ended up sleeping there, and the worst wouldn’t have occurred. Besides, this whole situation started years ago. You got into trouble, and when your father, a good man, felt let down, you got upset, or scared, and ran away from the consequences. Well, you’ve had your way with it, John, and I don’t think you’re happy about it.’
‘I sometimes fancy I’m not much better than a fool,’ sighed John.
‘I sometimes think I’m not much better than a fool,’ sighed John.
‘My dear John,’ said she, ‘not much!’
‘My dear John,’ she said, ‘not much!’
He looked at her, and his eye fell. A certain anger rose within him; here was a Flora he disowned; she was hard; she was of a set colour; a settled, mature, undecorative manner; plain of speech, plain of habit—he had come near saying, plain of face. And this changeling called herself by the same name as the many-coloured, clinging maid of yore; she of the frequent laughter, and the many sighs, and the kind, stolen glances. And to make all worse, she took the upper hand with him, which (as John well knew) was not the true relation of the sexes. He steeled his heart against this sick-nurse.
He looked at her, and his gaze dropped. A certain anger rose within him; here was a Flora he didn’t recognize. She was tough; she had a fixed attitude; a mature, simple demeanor; straightforward in speech, straightforward in habits—he almost thought to say, plain in appearance. And this imposter claimed the same name as the vibrant, affectionate girl from the past; the one who laughed often, sighed frequently, and exchanged kind, secret glances. To make matters worse, she took charge with him, which (as John well understood) was not the correct dynamic between men and women. He hardened his heart against this frustrating figure.
‘And how do you come to be here?’ he asked.
‘And how did you end up here?’ he asked.
She told him how she had nursed her father in his long illness, and when he died, and she was left alone, had taken to nurse others, partly from habit, partly to be of some service in the world; partly, it might be, for amusement. ‘There’s no accounting for taste,’ said she. And she told him how she went largely to the houses of old friends, as the need arose; and how she was thus doubly welcome as an old friend first, and then as an experienced nurse, to whom doctors would confide the gravest cases.
She told him how she took care of her dad during his long illness, and when he passed away and she was all alone, she started nursing others, partly out of habit, partly to be useful in the world, and maybe a little for fun. ‘You can’t explain taste,’ she said. And she explained how she frequently visited the homes of old friends whenever needed; and how she was welcomed twice over, first as an old friend and then as a skilled nurse, to whom doctors would trust their most serious cases.
‘And, indeed, it’s a mere farce my being here for poor Maria,’ she continued; ‘but your father takes her ailments to heart, and I cannot always be refusing him. We are great friends, your father and I; he was very kind to me long ago—ten years ago.
‘And, honestly, it’s just a joke that I’m here for poor Maria,’ she continued; ‘but your dad really cares about her problems, and I can’t keep saying no to him. We’re good friends, your dad and I; he was really kind to me long ago—ten years ago.
A strange stir came in John’s heart. All this while had he been thinking only of himself? All this while, why had he not written to Flora? In penitential tenderness, he took her hand, and, to his awe and trouble, it remained in his, compliant. A voice told him this was Flora, after all—told him so quietly, yet with a thrill of singing.
A strange feeling stirred in John's heart. Had he really been thinking only of himself all this time? Why hadn’t he written to Flora? In a moment of tender regret, he took her hand, and, to his surprise and concern, it stayed in his grasp, willing. A voice reminded him that this was, after all, Flora—whispered it so softly, yet with a thrilling sense of joy.
‘And you never married?’ said he.
"And you never got married?" he said.
‘No, John; I never married,’ she replied.
‘No, John; I never got married,’ she replied.
The hall clock striking two recalled them to the sense of time.
The hall clock chiming two brought them back to reality.
‘And now,’ said she, ‘you have been fed and warmed, and I have heard your story, and now it’s high time to call your brother.’
‘And now,’ she said, ‘you’ve been fed and warmed, and I’ve heard your story, and now it’s time to call your brother.’
‘Oh!’ cried John, chap-fallen; ‘do you think that absolutely necessary?’
‘Oh!’ cried John, looking defeated; ‘do you really think that’s absolutely necessary?’
‘I can’t keep you here; I am a stranger,’ said she. ‘Do you want to run away again? I thought you had enough of that.’
'I can’t keep you here; I’m a stranger,' she said. 'Do you want to run away again? I thought you were done with that.'
He bowed his head under the reproof. She despised him, he reflected, as he sat once more alone; a monstrous thing for a woman to despise a man; and strangest of all, she seemed to like him. Would his brother despise him, too? And would his brother like him?
He lowered his head under the criticism. She hated him, he thought, as he sat alone again; it was crazy for a woman to hate a man; and the weirdest part was, she actually seemed to like him. Would his brother hate him, too? And would his brother like him?
And presently the brother appeared, under Flora’s escort; and, standing afar off beside the doorway, eyed the hero of this tale.
And soon the brother showed up, guided by Flora; and, standing at a distance by the doorway, he watched the main character of this story.
‘So this is you?’ he said, at length.
‘So this is you?’ he said, finally.
‘Yes, Alick, it’s me—it’s John,’ replied the elder brother, feebly.
‘Yeah, Alick, it’s me—it’s John,’ replied the older brother, weakly.
‘And how did you get in here?’ inquired the younger.
‘And how did you get in here?’ asked the younger one.
‘Oh, I had my pass-key,’ says John.
‘Oh, I had my key,’ says John.
‘The deuce you had!’ said Alexander. ‘Ah, you lived in a better world! There are no pass-keys going now.’
‘The devil you had!’ said Alexander. ‘Ah, you lived in a better world! There are no pass-keys available now.’
‘Well, father was always averse to them,’ sighed John. And the conversation then broke down, and the brothers looked askance at one another in silence.
‘Well, dad was always against them,’ sighed John. And then the conversation fell apart, and the brothers exchanged wary glances in silence.
‘Well, and what the devil are we to do?’ said Alexander. ‘I suppose if the authorities got wind of you, you would be taken up?’
‘Well, what are we supposed to do?’ said Alexander. ‘I guess if the authorities found out about you, you’d be arrested?’
‘It depends on whether they’ve found the body or not,’ returned John. ‘And then there’s that cabman, to be sure!’
'It depends on whether they've found the body or not,' John replied. 'And then there’s that cab driver, for sure!'
‘Oh, bother the body!’ said Alexander. ‘I mean about the other thing. That’s serious.’
‘Oh, forget about the body!’ said Alexander. ‘I’m talking about the other thing. That’s serious.’
‘Is that what my father spoke about?’ asked John. ‘I don’t even know what it is.’
‘Is that what my dad was talking about?’ asked John. ‘I don’t even know what it is.’
‘About your robbing your bank in California, of course,’ replied Alexander.
‘About you robbing your bank in California, of course,’ replied Alexander.
It was plain, from Flora’s face, that this was the first she had heard of it; it was plainer still, from John’s, that he was innocent.
It was obvious from Flora’s expression that this was the first time she had heard of it; it was even more obvious from John’s face that he was innocent.
‘I!’ he exclaimed. ‘I rob my bank! My God! Flora, this is too much; even you must allow that.’
“I!” he exclaimed. “I’m robbing my bank! My God! Flora, this is too much; even you have to admit that.”
‘Meaning you didn’t?’ asked Alexander.
"Meaning you didn't?" Alexander asked.
‘I never robbed a soul in all my days,’ cried John: ‘except my father, if you call that robbery; and I brought him back the money in this room, and he wouldn’t even take it!’
‘I never stole a thing in my life,’ shouted John: ‘except from my dad, if you consider that stealing; and I returned the money to him in this room, and he wouldn’t even accept it!’
‘Look here, John,’ said his brother, ‘let us have no misunderstanding upon this. Macewen saw my father; he told him a bank you had worked for in San Francisco was wiring over the habitable globe to have you collared—that it was supposed you had nailed thousands; and it was dead certain you had nailed three hundred. So Macewen said, and I wish you would be careful how you answer. I may tell you also, that your father paid the three hundred on the spot.’
‘Listen, John,’ his brother said, ‘let’s be clear about this. Macewen spoke to my dad; he mentioned that a bank you worked for in San Francisco was sending out alerts to track you down—that they thought you had stolen a lot, and it was a sure thing you had taken three hundred. That’s what Macewen said, and I hope you’ll be careful how you respond. I should also mention that your dad paid the three hundred right away.’
‘Three hundred?’ repeated John. ‘Three hundred pounds, you mean? That’s fifteen hundred dollars. Why, then, it’s Kirkman!’ he broke out. ‘Thank Heaven! I can explain all that. I gave them to Kirkman to pay for me the night before I left—fifteen hundred dollars, and a letter to the manager. What do they suppose I would steal fifteen hundred dollars for? I’m rich; I struck it rich in stocks. It’s the silliest stuff I ever heard of. All that’s needful is to cable to the manager: Kirkman has the fifteen hundred—find Kirkman. He was a fellow-clerk of mine, and a hard case; but to do him justice, I didn’t think he was as hard as this.’
“Three hundred?” John repeated. “Three hundred pounds, right? That’s fifteen hundred dollars. Wait, it’s Kirkman!” he exclaimed. “Thank goodness! I can explain all of this. I gave them to Kirkman to pay for me the night before I left—fifteen hundred dollars and a letter to the manager. What do they think I would steal fifteen hundred dollars for? I’m wealthy; I made a fortune in stocks. This is the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard. All they need to do is send a cable to the manager: Kirkman has the fifteen hundred—find Kirkman. He was a colleague of mine, and a tough character; but to be fair, I didn’t think he was this tough.”
‘And what do you say to that, Alick?’ asked Flora.
‘So, what do you think about that, Alick?’ asked Flora.
‘I say the cablegram shall go to-night!’ cried Alexander, with energy. ‘Answer prepaid, too. If this can be cleared away—and upon my word I do believe it can—we shall all be able to hold up our heads again. Here, you John, you stick down the address of your bank manager. You, Flora, you can pack John into my bed, for which I have no further use to-night. As for me, I am off to the post-office, and thence to the High Street about the dead body. The police ought to know, you see, and they ought to know through John; and I can tell them some rigmarole about my brother being a man of highly nervous organisation, and the rest of it. And then, I’ll tell you what, John—did you notice the name upon the cab?’
“I say the telegram is going out tonight!” Alexander exclaimed energetically. “And I’ll make sure the reply is prepaid, too. If we can get this sorted—and honestly, I believe we can—we’ll all be able to hold our heads high again. Now, John, write down your bank manager's address. Flora, you can get John settled into my bed since I won’t be needing it tonight. As for me, I’m heading to the post office, and then I’ll go to High Street regarding the dead body. The police should be informed, you see, and it should come through John; I can tell them some nonsense about my brother being highly nervous and all that. And then, I want to know, John—did you notice the name on the cab?”
John gave the name of the driver, which, as I have not been able to command the vehicle, I here suppress.
John provided the name of the driver, which I am withholding here since I haven't been able to access the vehicle.
‘Well,’ resumed Alexander, ‘I’ll call round at their place before I come back, and pay your shot for you. In that way, before breakfast-time, you’ll be as good as new.’
‘Well,’ Alexander said again, ‘I’ll stop by their place before I head back and take care of your payment for you. That way, by breakfast, you’ll be all set.’
John murmured inarticulate thanks. To see his brother thus energetic in his service moved him beyond expression; if he could not utter what he felt, he showed it legibly in his face; and Alexander read it there, and liked it the better in that dumb delivery.
John quietly expressed his gratitude. Seeing his brother so active in his support touched him deeply; even if he couldn’t put his feelings into words, it was clear on his face. Alexander noticed this and appreciated it even more because of the silence.
‘But there’s one thing,’ said the latter, ‘cablegrams are dear; and I dare say you remember enough of the governor to guess the state of my finances.’
‘But there’s one thing,’ said the latter, ‘cablegrams are expensive; and I’m sure you remember enough about the governor to figure out how my finances are.’
‘The trouble is,’ said John, ‘that all my stamps are in that beastly house.’
‘The problem is,’ John said, ‘that all my stamps are in that awful house.’
‘All your what?’ asked Alexander.
"All your what?" asked Alex.
‘Stamps—money,’ explained John. ‘It’s an American expression; I’m afraid I contracted one or two.’
‘Stamps—money,’ John explained. ‘It’s an American saying; I’m afraid I picked up one or two.’
‘I have some,’ said Flora. ‘I have a pound note upstairs.’
‘I have some,’ said Flora. ‘I have a £1 note upstairs.’
‘My dear Flora,’ returned Alexander, ‘a pound note won’t see us very far; and besides, this is my father’s business, and I shall be very much surprised if it isn’t my father who pays for it.’
‘My dear Flora,’ replied Alexander, ‘a pound note won't get us very far; and besides, this is my father's business, and I would be very surprised if it isn't my father who ends up paying for it.’
‘I would not apply to him yet; I do not think that can be wise,’ objected Flora.
"I wouldn't reach out to him just yet; I don't think that's smart," Flora said.
‘You have a very imperfect idea of my resources, and not at all of my effrontery,’ replied Alexander. ‘Please observe.’
'You have a really limited understanding of what I'm capable of, and you don't have a clue about my boldness,' replied Alexander. 'Just take a look.'
He put John from his way, chose a stout knife among the supper things, and with surprising quickness broke into his father’s drawer.
He moved John out of his way, picked a sturdy knife from the dinner items, and quickly broke into his father's drawer.
‘There’s nothing easier when you come to try,’ he observed, pocketing the money.
“There's nothing easier when you try,” he noted, putting the money in his pocket.
‘I wish you had not done that,’ said Flora. ‘You will never hear the last of it.’
‘I wish you hadn’t done that,’ Flora said. ‘You’ll never hear the end of it.’
‘Oh, I don’t know,’ returned the young man; ‘the governor is human after all. And now, John, let me see your famous pass-key. Get into bed, and don’t move for any one till I come back. They won’t mind you not answering when they knock; I generally don’t myself.’
‘Oh, I don’t know,’ replied the young man; ‘the governor is human after all. And now, John, let me see your famous passkey. Get in bed, and don’t move for anyone until I get back. They won’t care if you don’t answer when they knock; I usually don’t either.’
p. 95CHAPTER IX—IN WHICH MR. NICHOLSON ACCEPTS THE PRINCIPLE OF AN ALLOWANCE
In spite of the horrors of the day and the tea-drinking of the night, John slept the sleep of infancy. He was awakened by the maid, as it might have been ten years ago, tapping at the door. The winter sunrise was painting the east; and as the window was to the back of the house, it shone into the room with many strange colours of refracted light. Without, the houses were all cleanly roofed with snow; the garden walls were coped with it a foot in height; the greens lay glittering. Yet strange as snow had grown to John during his years upon the Bay of San Francisco, it was what he saw within that most affected him. For it was to his own room that Alexander had been promoted; there was the old paper with the device of flowers, in which a cunning fancy might yet detect the face of Skinny Jim, of the Academy, John’s former dominie; there was the old chest of drawers; there were the chairs—one, two, three—three as before. Only the carpet was new, and the litter of Alexander’s clothes and books and drawing materials, and a pencil-drawing on the wall, which (in John’s eyes) appeared a marvel of proficiency.
In spite of the day's horrors and the night's tea-drinking, John slept like a baby. He was awakened by the maid, just like it might have been ten years ago, tapping at the door. The winter sunrise was coloring the east, and since the window faced the back of the house, it filled the room with strange hues of refracted light. Outside, the houses were neatly covered with snow; the garden walls had a foot of snow on top; the greenery was sparkling. Yet, as strange as snow had become for John during his years in San Francisco, it was what he saw inside that affected him the most. Because it was his own room that Alexander had moved into; there was the old wallpaper with flower designs, where a clever imagination might still spot the face of Skinny Jim, John’s former teacher from the Academy; there was the old chest of drawers; there were the chairs—one, two, three—just like before. Only the carpet was new, along with the mess of Alexander’s clothes, books, drawing materials, and a pencil-drawing on the wall, which (in John’s eyes) looked like a masterpiece of skill.
He was thus lying, and looking, and dreaming, hanging, as it were, between two epochs of his life, when Alexander came to the door, and made his presence known in a loud whisper. John let him in, and jumped back into the warm bed.
He was lying there, looking, and dreaming, caught, so to speak, between two phases of his life, when Alexander came to the door and announced himself with a loud whisper. John let him in and jumped back into the warm bed.
‘Well, John,’ said Alexander, ‘the cablegram is sent in your name, and twenty words of answer paid. I have been to the cab office and paid your cab, even saw the old gentleman himself, and properly apologised. He was mighty placable, and indicated his belief you had been drinking. Then I knocked up old Macewen out of bed, and explained affairs to him as he sat and shivered in a dressing-gown. And before that I had been to the High Street, where they have heard nothing of your dead body, so that I incline to the idea that you dreamed it.’
‘Well, John,’ said Alexander, ‘I sent the cablegram in your name, and I’ve paid for a twenty-word response. I even went to the cab office and covered your fare, and I spoke to the old gentleman himself, properly apologizing. He was quite forgiving and suggested he thought you had been drinking. Then I woke old Macewen up from bed and explained everything to him while he sat shivering in a dressing gown. Before that, I went to High Street, where they haven’t heard anything about your dead body, so I’m starting to think you might have just dreamed it.’
‘Catch me!’ said John.
“Catch me!” said John.
‘Well, the police never do know anything,’ assented Alexander; ‘and at any rate, they have despatched a man to inquire and to recover your trousers and your money, so that really your bill is now fairly clean; and I see but one lion in your path—the governor.’
‘Well, the police never really know anything,’ agreed Alexander; ‘and anyway, they’ve sent someone to look into it and get your trousers and money back, so your bill is effectively settled now; and I see only one obstacle in your way—the governor.’
‘I’ll be turned out again, you’ll see,’ said John, dismally.
"I'll be kicked out again, you'll see," John said gloomily.
‘I don’t imagine so,’ returned the other; ‘not if you do what Flora and I have arranged; and your business now is to dress, and lose no time about it. Is your watch right? Well, you have a quarter of an hour. By five minutes before the half-hour you must be at table, in your old seat, under Uncle Duthie’s picture. Flora will be there to keep you countenance; and we shall see what we shall see.’
‘I don’t think so,’ replied the other; ‘not if you follow the plan Flora and I have made; and right now, your job is to get dressed and not waste any time. Is your watch set correctly? Good, you have fifteen minutes. You need to be at the table, in your usual spot, under Uncle Duthie’s picture, by five minutes to half-past. Flora will be there to support you; and we’ll see what happens.’
‘Wouldn’t it be wiser for me to stay in bed?’ said John.
"Wouldn't it make more sense for me to stay in bed?" John said.
‘If you mean to manage your own concerns, you can do precisely what you like,’ replied Alexander; ‘but if you are not in your place five minutes before the half-hour I wash my hands of you, for one.’
‘If you want to handle your own affairs, you can do whatever you want,’ replied Alexander; ‘but if you’re not in your position five minutes before the half-hour, I’m done with you, for one.’
And thereupon he departed. He had spoken warmly, but the truth is, his heart was somewhat troubled. And as he hung over the balusters, watching for his father to appear, he had hard ado to keep himself braced for the encounter that must follow.
And then he left. He had spoken with warmth, but honestly, his heart was a bit troubled. As he leaned over the railing, waiting for his father to show up, it was tough for him to stay steady for the conversation that was coming.
‘If he takes it well, I shall be lucky,’ he reflected.
‘If he handles it well, I’ll be lucky,’ he thought.
‘If he takes it ill, why it’ll be a herring across John’s tracks, and perhaps all for the best. He’s a confounded muff, this brother of mine, but he seems a decent soul.’
‘If he takes it the wrong way, it'll just complicate things, and maybe that's for the best. He’s a real fool, this brother of mine, but he seems like a good guy.’
At that stage a door opened below with a certain emphasis, and Mr. Nicholson was seen solemnly to descend the stairs, and pass into his own apartment. Alexander followed, quaking inwardly, but with a steady face. He knocked, was bidden to enter, and found his father standing in front of the forced drawer, to which he pointed as he spoke.
At that moment, a door opened below with some force, and Mr. Nicholson was seen seriously coming down the stairs and entering his own apartment. Alexander followed, feeling anxious inside but keeping a calm expression. He knocked, was told to come in, and found his father standing in front of the forced drawer, pointing at it as he spoke.
‘This is a most extraordinary thing,’ said he; ‘I have been robbed!’
‘This is really unusual,’ he said; ‘I’ve been robbed!’
‘I was afraid you would notice it,’ observed his son; ‘it made such a beastly hash of the table.’
‘I was worried you’d see it,’ his son said; ‘it made such a messy situation on the table.’
‘You were afraid I would notice it?’ repeated Mr. Nicholson. ‘And, pray, what may that mean?’
‘You thought I wouldn’t notice it?’ Mr. Nicholson repeated. ‘And what exactly does that mean?’
‘That I was a thief, sir,’ returned Alexander. ‘I took all the money in case the servants should get hold of it; and here is the change, and a note of my expenditure. You were gone to bed, you see, and I did not feel at liberty to knock you up; but I think when you have heard the circumstances, you will do me justice. The fact is, I have reason to believe there has been some dreadful error about my brother John; the sooner it can be cleared up the better for all parties; it was a piece of business, sir—and so I took it, and decided, on my own responsibility, to send a telegram to San Francisco. Thanks to my quickness we may hear to-night. There appears to be no doubt, sir, that John has been abominably used.’
“Sir, I was a thief,” Alexander replied. “I took all the money in case the servants got hold of it; and here’s the change and a note of my spending. You had gone to bed, and I didn’t feel right about waking you up; but once you hear the situation, I’m sure you’ll understand. The truth is, I have a strong feeling there’s been some terrible mistake regarding my brother John; the sooner we sort it out, the better for everyone involved. It was urgent, sir—so I took it upon myself to send a telegram to San Francisco. Thanks to my quick thinking, we might hear back tonight. There’s no doubt, sir, that John has been treated horribly.”
‘When did this take place?’ asked the father.
"When did this happen?" the father asked.
‘Last night, sir, after you were asleep,’ was the reply.
'Last night, sir, after you fell asleep,' was the reply.
‘It’s most extraordinary,’ said Mr. Nicholson. ‘Do you mean to say you have been out all night?’
‘It’s really unbelievable,’ said Mr. Nicholson. ‘Are you telling me you were out all night?’
‘All night, as you say, sir. I have been to the telegraph and the police office, and Mr. Macewen’s. Oh, I had my hands full,’ said Alexander.
‘All night, as you say, sir. I’ve been to the telegraph office, the police station, and Mr. Macewen’s. Oh, I had my hands full,’ said Alexander.
‘Very irregular,’ said the father. ‘You think of no one but yourself.’
‘Very inconsistent,’ said the father. ‘You think about no one but yourself.’
‘I do not see that I have much to gain in bringing back my elder brother,’ returned Alexander, shrewdly.
"I don't think I have much to gain by bringing back my older brother," Alexander replied wisely.
The answer pleased the old man; he smiled. ‘Well, well, I will go into this after breakfast,’ said he.
The answer made the old man happy; he smiled. ‘Alright, I’ll look into this after breakfast,’ he said.
‘I’m sorry about the table,’ said the son.
‘I’m sorry about the table,’ said the son.
‘The table is a small matter; I think nothing of that,’ said the father.
'The table is no big deal; I don’t think much of it,' said the father.
‘It’s another example,’ continued the son, ‘of the awkwardness of a man having no money of his own. If I had a proper allowance, like other fellows of my age, this would have been quite unnecessary.’
‘It’s another example,’ continued the son, ‘of the awkwardness of a man not having his own money. If I had a proper allowance, like other guys my age, this wouldn't have been necessary at all.’
‘A proper allowance!’ repeated his father, in tones of blighting sarcasm, for the expression was not new to him. ‘I have never grudged you money for any proper purpose.’
‘A proper allowance!’ his father replied, dripping with sarcasm, since he had heard that phrase before. ‘I’ve never held back money from you for any reasonable purpose.’
‘No doubt, no doubt,’ said Alexander, ‘but then you see you aren’t always on the spot to have the thing explained to you. Last night, for instance—’
‘No doubt, no doubt,’ said Alexander, ‘but the thing is, you’re not always there to have it explained to you. Last night, for example—’
‘You could have wakened me last night,’ interrupted his father.
‘You could have woken me up last night,’ his father interrupted.
‘Was it not some similar affair that first got John into a mess?’ asked the son, skilfully evading the point.
‘Wasn’t it something like that that first got John into trouble?’ asked the son, cleverly dodging the issue.
But the father was not less adroit. ‘And pray, sir, how did you come and go out of the house?’ he asked.
But the father was just as clever. “So tell me, how did you come in and out of the house?” he asked.
‘I forgot to lock the door, it seems,’ replied Alexander.
"I guess I forgot to lock the door," Alexander replied.
‘I have had cause to complain of that too often,’ said Mr. Nicholson. ‘But still I do not understand. Did you keep the servants up?’
“I've had reason to complain about that way too much,” said Mr. Nicholson. “But I still don’t get it. Did you keep the servants awake?”
‘I propose to go into all that at length after breakfast,’ returned Alexander. ‘There is the half-hour going; we must not keep Miss Mackenzie waiting.’
‘I suggest we go into all that in detail after breakfast,’ Alexander replied. ‘It takes half an hour to get there; we shouldn’t keep Miss Mackenzie waiting.’
And greatly daring, he opened the door.
And with great courage, he opened the door.
Even Alexander, who, it must have been perceived was on terms of comparative freedom with his parent—even Alexander had never before dared to cut short an interview in this high-handed fashion. But the truth is, the very mass of his son’s delinquencies daunted the old gentleman. He was like the man with the cart of apples—this was beyond him! That Alexander should have spoiled his table, taken his money, stayed out all night, and then coolly acknowledged all, was something undreamed of in the Nicholsonian philosophy, and transcended comment. The return of the change, which the old gentleman still carried in his hand, had been a feature of imposing impudence; it had dealt him a staggering blow. Then there was the reference to John’s original flight—a subject which he always kept resolutely curtained in his own mind; for he was a man who loved to have made no mistakes, and when he feared he might have made one kept the papers sealed. In view of all these surprises and reminders, and of his son’s composed and masterful demeanour, there began to creep on Mr. Nicholson a sickly misgiving. He seemed beyond his depth; if he did or said anything, he might come to regret it. The young man, besides, as he had pointed out himself, was playing a generous part. And if wrong had been done—and done to one who was, after, and in spite of, all, a Nicholson—it should certainly be righted.
Even Alexander, who was probably seen as having a decent level of freedom with his parent, had never before dared to end an interview so abruptly. But the truth is, the sheer number of his son’s misdeeds overwhelmed the old man. He felt like a guy with a cart full of apples—this was too much for him! That Alexander had ruined his dining experience, taken his money, stayed out all night, and then casually admitted to everything was something unimaginable in the Nicholson philosophy, and it left him speechless. The return of the change that the old man still held in his hand was an act of audacious insolence; it hit him hard. Then there was the mention of John's original departure—a topic that he always kept firmly locked away in his mind; he was a man who prided himself on not making mistakes, and when he feared he had, he sealed the records tight. Given all these shocks and reminders, and his son's calm and commanding presence, Mr. Nicholson felt a sickly sense of unease creeping in. He felt out of his element; if he acted or spoke, he might regret it. The young man, as he had pointed out himself, was playing a generous role. And if any wrong had been done—and done to someone who was, after all, a Nicholson—it definitely needed to be corrected.
All things considered, monstrous as it was to be cut short in his inquiries, the old gentleman submitted, pocketed the change, and followed his son into the dining-room. During these few steps he once more mentally revolted, and once more, and this time finally, laid down his arms: a still, small voice in his bosom having informed him authentically of a piece of news; that he was afraid of Alexander. The strange thing was that he was pleased to be afraid of him. He was proud of his son; he might be proud of him; the boy had character and grit, and knew what he was doing.
All things considered, as monstrous as it was to be interrupted in his inquiries, the old gentleman accepted it, pocketed the change, and followed his son into the dining room. During those few steps, he mentally rebelled once more, but this time he finally gave in: a quiet, deep voice inside him had revealed a truth; he was afraid of Alexander. The strange part was that he was okay with being afraid of him. He was proud of his son; he had every reason to be proud; the boy had character and determination and knew what he was doing.
These were his reflections as he turned the corner of the dining-room door. Miss Mackenzie was in the place of honour, conjuring with a tea-pot and a cosy; and, behold! there was another person present, a large, portly, whiskered man of a very comfortable and respectable air, who now rose from his seat and came forward, holding out his hand.
These were his thoughts as he turned the corner of the dining room door. Miss Mackenzie occupied the place of honor, working her magic with a teapot and a cozy; and, look! there was another guest, a big, stout man with whiskers who had a very friendly and respectable demeanor, who now stood up from his seat and stepped forward, extending his hand.
‘Good-morning, father,’ said he.
“Good morning, Dad,” he said.
Of the contention of feeling that ran high in Mr. Nicholson’s starched bosom, no outward sign was visible; nor did he delay long to make a choice of conduct. Yet in that interval he had reviewed a great field of possibilities both past and future; whether it was possible he had not been perfectly wise in his treatment of John; whether it was possible that John was innocent; whether, if he turned John out a second time, as his outraged authority suggested, it was possible to avoid a scandal; and whether, if he went to that extremity, it was possible that Alexander might rebel.
Of the intense feelings stirring inside Mr. Nicholson, there was no outward sign; nor did he take long to decide how to act. Yet in that brief moment, he considered a vast range of possibilities from both the past and the future: whether he had treated John wisely, whether John might actually be innocent, whether kicking John out again, as his wounded pride suggested, could avoid a scandal, and whether, if he took that drastic step, Alexander might revolt.
‘Hum!’ said Mr. Nicholson, and put his hand, limp and dead, into John’s.
‘Hum!’ said Mr. Nicholson, and placed his hand, limp and lifeless, into John’s.
And then, in an embarrassed silence, all took their places; and even the paper—from which it was the old gentleman’s habit to suck mortification daily, as he marked the decline of our institutions—even the paper lay furled by his side.
And then, in an awkward silence, everyone took their seats; and even the papers—from which the old man habitually drew his daily dose of disappointment as he noted the decline of our institutions—even the papers lay rolled up beside him.
But presently Flora came to the rescue. She slid into the silence with a technicality, asking if John still took his old inordinate amount of sugar. Thence it was but a step to the burning question of the day; and in tones a little shaken, she commented on the interval since she had last made tea for the prodigal, and congratulated him on his return. And then addressing Mr. Nicholson, she congratulated him also in a manner that defied his ill-humour; and from that launched into the tale of John’s misadventures, not without some suitable suppressions.
But soon Flora stepped in to save the day. She broke the silence with a technical question, asking if John still took his usual, excessive amount of sugar. From there, it was just a small leap to the hot topic of the day; and with a slightly shaky tone, she mentioned how long it had been since she last made tea for the wayward John and congratulated him on being back. Then, turning to Mr. Nicholson, she congratulated him too in a way that was impossible for him to ignore, and from there she launched into the story of John's misadventures, with just the right amount of details left out.
Gradually Alexander joined; between them, whether he would or no, they forced a word or two from John; and these fell so tremulously, and spoke so eloquently of a mind oppressed with dread, that Mr. Nicholson relented. At length even he contributed a question: and before the meal was at an end all four were talking even freely.
Gradually, Alexander joined in; whether he wanted to or not, they coaxed a word or two out of John. These words came out so shakily and conveyed such a deep sense of fear that Mr. Nicholson softened. Eventually, even he asked a question, and by the time the meal ended, all four of them were talking quite openly.
Prayers followed, with the servants gaping at this new-comer whom no one had admitted; and after prayers there came that moment on the clock which was the signal for Mr. Nicholson’s departure.
Prayers were said, and the servants stared at this newcomer who hadn't been welcomed; and after the prayers, the moment came on the clock that signaled Mr. Nicholson's departure.
‘John,’ said he, ‘of course you will stay here. Be very careful not to excite Maria, if Miss Mackenzie thinks it desirable that you should see her. Alexander, I wish to speak with you alone.’ And then, when they were both in the back room: ‘You need not come to the office to-day,’ said he; ‘you can stay and amuse your brother, and I think it would be respectful to call on Uncle Greig. And by the bye’ (this spoken with a certain—dare we say?—bashfulness), ‘I agree to concede the principle of an allowance; and I will consult with Doctor Durie, who is quite a man of the world and has sons of his own, as to the amount. And, my fine fellow, you may consider yourself in luck!’ he added, with a smile.
‘John,’ he said, ‘of course you’ll stay here. Just be careful not to upset Maria, if Miss Mackenzie thinks it’s important for you to see her. Alexander, I need to talk to you alone.’ And then, when they were both in the back room: ‘You don’t have to go to the office today,’ he said; ‘you can stay and keep your brother entertained, and I think it would be respectful to visit Uncle Greig. By the way’ (this said with a certain—dare we say?—awkwardness), ‘I agree to the idea of an allowance; and I’ll check with Doctor Durie, who’s a worldly guy and has sons of his own, about the amount. And, my good fellow, you can consider yourself lucky!’ he added, smiling.
‘Thank you,’ said Alexander.
“Thanks,” said Alexander.
Before noon a detective had restored to John his money, and brought news, sad enough in truth, but perhaps the least sad possible. Alan had been found in his own house in Regent Terrace, under care of the terrified butler. He was quite mad, and instead of going to prison, had gone to Morningside Asylum. The murdered man, it appeared, was an evicted tenant who had for nearly a year pursued his late landlord with threats and insults; and beyond this, the cause and details of the tragedy were lost.
Before noon, a detective returned John's money and brought news that was sad, but maybe the least sad news possible. Alan had been found in his own home on Regent Terrace, being looked after by the terrified butler. He was completely insane and, instead of going to prison, had been placed in Morningside Asylum. The murdered man turned out to be an evicted tenant who had spent nearly a year threatening and insulting his former landlord; beyond that, the cause and details of the tragedy were unclear.
When Mr. Nicholson returned from dinner they were able to put a despatch into his hands: ‘John V. Nicholson, Randolph Crescent, Edinburgh.—Kirkham has disappeared; police looking for him. All understood. Keep mind quite easy.—Austin.’ Having had this explained to him, the old gentleman took down the cellar key and departed for two bottles of the 1820 port. Uncle Greig dined there that day, and Cousin Robina, and, by an odd chance, Mr. Macewen; and the presence of these strangers relieved what might have been otherwise a somewhat strained relation. Ere they departed, the family was welded once more into a fair semblance of unity.
When Mr. Nicholson came back from dinner, they were able to hand him a message: ‘John V. Nicholson, Randolph Crescent, Edinburgh.—Kirkham has vanished; the police are searching for him. Everyone understood. Don’t worry.—Austin.’ After this was explained to him, the old gentleman took the cellar key and went to get two bottles of the 1820 port. Uncle Greig was having dinner there that day, along with Cousin Robina, and, by a strange coincidence, Mr. Macewen; the presence of these guests eased what could have been a somewhat tense situation. Before they left, the family came together again, resembling a united front.
In the end of April John led Flora—or, as more descriptive, Flora led John—to the altar, if altar that may be called which was indeed the drawing-room mantel-piece in Mr. Nicholson’s house, with the Reverend Dr. Durie posted on the hearthrug in the guise of Hymen’s priest.
At the end of April, John took Flora—or, more accurately, Flora took John—to the altar, if you can call it an altar, which was actually the mantelpiece in Mr. Nicholson’s drawing room, with the Reverend Dr. Durie standing on the hearth rug like Hymen’s priest.
The last I saw of them, on a recent visit to the north, was at a dinner-party in the house of my old friend Gellatly Macbride; and after we had, in classic phrase, ‘rejoined the ladies,’ I had an opportunity to overhear Flora conversing with another married woman on the much canvassed matter of a husband’s tobacco.
The last time I saw them, during a recent trip to the north, was at a dinner party at my old friend Gellatly Macbride's house. After we had, as they say, "rejoined the ladies," I had a chance to overhear Flora talking with another married woman about the often-discussed topic of a husband's tobacco.
‘Oh yes!’ said she; ‘I only allow Mr. Nicholson four cigars a day. Three he smokes at fixed times—after a meal, you know, my dear; and the fourth he can take when he likes with any friend.’
‘Oh yes!’ she said. ‘I only let Mr. Nicholson smoke four cigars a day. He has three at set times—after a meal, you know, my dear; and the fourth he can enjoy whenever he wants with any friend.’
‘Bravo!’ thought I to myself; ‘this is the wife for my friend John!’
‘Bravo!’ I thought to myself; ‘this is the perfect wife for my friend John!’
p. 109THE BODY-SNATCHER
Every night in the year, four of us sat in the small parlour of the George at Debenham—the undertaker, and the landlord, and Fettes, and myself. Sometimes there would be more; but blow high, blow low, come rain or snow or frost, we four would be each planted in his own particular arm-chair. Fettes was an old drunken Scotchman, a man of education obviously, and a man of some property, since he lived in idleness. He had come to Debenham years ago, while still young, and by a mere continuance of living had grown to be an adopted townsman. His blue camlet cloak was a local antiquity, like the church-spire. His place in the parlour at the George, his absence from church, his old, crapulous, disreputable vices, were all things of course in Debenham. He had some vague Radical opinions and some fleeting infidelities, which he would now and again set forth and emphasise with tottering slaps upon the table. He drank rum—five glasses regularly every evening; and for the greater portion of his nightly visit to the George sat, with his glass in his right hand, in a state of melancholy alcoholic saturation. We called him the Doctor, for he was supposed to have some special knowledge of medicine, and had been known, upon a pinch, to set a fracture or reduce a dislocation; but beyond these slight particulars, we had no knowledge of his character and antecedents.
Every night of the year, four of us gathered in the small lounge of the George at Debenham—the undertaker, the landlord, Fettes, and me. Sometimes there were more people, but come rain, snow, or frost, we four would always be settled in our own armchairs. Fettes was an old, tipsy Scotsman, clearly educated, and had some money since he lived without working. He had arrived in Debenham years ago while still young and had become an unofficial local over time. His blue camlet cloak was a town classic, much like the church steeple. His spot in the lounge at the George, his absence from church, and his old, drunken, scandalous habits were all accepted parts of life in Debenham. He had some vague Radical ideas and occasional bouts of disbelief, which he would sometimes express with shaky slaps on the table. He drank rum—five glasses every evening without fail; and for most of his time at the George, he sat with his glass in his right hand, enveloped in a gloomy alcoholic haze. We called him the Doctor, as he was thought to have some special knowledge of medicine and had been known, in emergencies, to set a broken bone or reduce a dislocation; but apart from these few details, we knew little about his background or character.
One dark winter night—it had struck nine some time before the landlord joined us—there was a sick man in the George, a great neighbouring proprietor suddenly struck down with apoplexy on his way to Parliament; and the great man’s still greater London doctor had been telegraphed to his bedside. It was the first time that such a thing had happened in Debenham, for the railway was but newly open, and we were all proportionately moved by the occurrence.
One dark winter night—it was around nine o'clock when the landlord finally arrived—there was a sick man at the George, a prominent local landowner who had suddenly suffered a stroke on his way to Parliament; and the city’s top doctor had been telegraphed to come to his side. It was the first time anything like this had happened in Debenham, since the railway had just recently opened, and we were all understandably affected by the event.
‘He’s come,’ said the landlord, after he had filled and lighted his pipe.
‘He’s here,’ said the landlord, after he had filled and lit his pipe.
‘He?’ said I. ‘Who?—not the doctor?’
‘He?’ I said. ‘Who?—not the doctor?’
‘Himself,’ replied our host.
“Me,” replied our host.
‘What is his name?’
‘What’s his name?’
‘Doctor Macfarlane,’ said the landlord.
"Dr. Macfarlane," said the landlord.
Fettes was far through his third tumbler, stupidly fuddled, now nodding over, now staring mazily around him; but at the last word he seemed to awaken, and repeated the name ‘Macfarlane’ twice, quietly enough the first time, but with sudden emotion at the second.
Fettes was well into his third drink, mindlessly tipsy, sometimes dozing off, sometimes gazing around in a daze; but at the last word, he seemed to snap back to reality and repeated the name ‘Macfarlane’ twice, calmly the first time, but with sudden intensity the second.
‘Yes,’ said the landlord, ‘that’s his name, Doctor Wolfe Macfarlane.’
‘Yes,’ said the landlord, ‘that’s his name, Dr. Wolfe Macfarlane.’
Fettes became instantly sober; his eyes awoke, his voice became clear, loud, and steady, his language forcible and earnest. We were all startled by the transformation, as if a man had risen from the dead.
Fettes became completely sober right away; his eyes opened up, his voice was clear, loud, and steady, and his words were powerful and sincere. We were all taken aback by the change, as if a man had come back to life.
‘I beg your pardon,’ he said, ‘I am afraid I have not been paying much attention to your talk. Who is this Wolfe Macfarlane?’ And then, when he had heard the landlord out, ‘It cannot be, it cannot be,’ he added; ‘and yet I would like well to see him face to face.’
"I’m sorry," he said, "but I haven’t really been paying much attention to what you’ve been saying. Who is this Wolfe Macfarlane?" Then, after he listened to the landlord, he added, "It can’t be, it can’t be; and yet I would really like to see him in person."
‘Do you know him, Doctor?’ asked the undertaker, with a gasp.
‘Do you know him, Doctor?’ the undertaker asked, gasping.
‘God forbid!’ was the reply. ‘And yet the name is a strange one; it were too much to fancy two. Tell me, landlord, is he old?’
“God forbid!” was the reply. “And yet the name is an odd one; it would be too much to imagine two. Tell me, landlord, is he old?”
‘Well,’ said the host, ‘he’s not a young man, to be sure, and his hair is white; but he looks younger than you.’
‘Well,’ said the host, ‘he’s not a young guy, that's for sure, and his hair is white; but he looks younger than you.’
‘He is older, though; years older. But,’ with a slap upon the table, ‘it’s the rum you see in my face—rum and sin. This man, perhaps, may have an easy conscience and a good digestion. Conscience! Hear me speak. You would think I was some good, old, decent Christian, would you not? But no, not I; I never canted. Voltaire might have canted if he’d stood in my shoes; but the brains’—with a rattling fillip on his bald head—‘the brains were clear and active, and I saw and made no deductions.’
‘He’s older, though; way older. But,’ he said with a slap on the table, ‘it’s the rum you see in my face—rum and sin. This guy, maybe, has an easy conscience and a good stomach. Conscience! Hear me out. You'd think I was some good, old, decent Christian, wouldn't you? But no, not me; I never pretended. Voltaire might have pretended if he’d been in my position; but the brains’—with a flick on his bald head—‘the brains were clear and sharp, and I saw and didn’t make any assumptions.’
‘If you know this doctor,’ I ventured to remark, after a somewhat awful pause, ‘I should gather that you do not share the landlord’s good opinion.’
‘If you know this doctor,’ I hesitantly said, after a pretty awkward silence, ‘I would assume that you don’t have the same high regard for him as the landlord does.’
Fettes paid no regard to me.
Fettes brushed me off.
‘Yes,’ he said, with sudden decision, ‘I must see him face to face.’
‘Yes,’ he said, with sudden determination, ‘I need to see him in person.’
There was another pause, and then a door was closed rather sharply on the first floor, and a step was heard upon the stair.
There was another pause, and then a door closed rather sharply on the first floor, followed by a step on the stairs.
‘That’s the doctor,’ cried the landlord. ‘Look sharp, and you can catch him.’
‘That’s the doctor,’ shouted the landlord. ‘Hurry up, and you can catch him.’
It was but two steps from the small parlour to the door of the old George Inn; the wide oak staircase landed almost in the street; there was room for a Turkey rug and nothing more between the threshold and the last round of the descent; but this little space was every evening brilliantly lit up, not only by the light upon the stair and the great signal-lamp below the sign, but by the warm radiance of the bar-room window. The George thus brightly advertised itself to passers-by in the cold street. Fettes walked steadily to the spot, and we, who were hanging behind, beheld the two men meet, as one of them had phrased it, face to face. Dr. Macfarlane was alert and vigorous. His white hair set off his pale and placid, although energetic, countenance. He was richly dressed in the finest of broadcloth and the whitest of linen, with a great gold watch-chain, and studs and spectacles of the same precious material. He wore a broad-folded tie, white and speckled with lilac, and he carried on his arm a comfortable driving-coat of fur. There was no doubt but he became his years, breathing, as he did, of wealth and consideration; and it was a surprising contrast to see our parlour sot—bald, dirty, pimpled, and robed in his old camlet cloak—confront him at the bottom of the stairs.
It was just two steps from the small parlor to the door of the old George Inn; the wide oak staircase ended almost at the street; there was just enough room for a Turkey rug and nothing more between the threshold and the last step of the descent; but this little space was brightly lit every evening, not only by the light on the stair and the big signal lamp below the sign, but by the warm glow from the bar-room window. The George thus advertised itself to passersby in the cold street. Fettes walked steadily to the spot, and we, who were lingering behind, saw the two men meet, as one of them had put it, face to face. Dr. Macfarlane was alert and vigorous. His white hair contrasted with his pale and calm, yet energetic, face. He was dressed in the finest broadcloth and the whitest linen, with a large gold watch chain, and studs and glasses made of the same precious material. He wore a broad-folded tie, white with lilac specks, and carried a comfortable fur driving coat over his arm. There was no doubt that he carried himself well for his age, exuding an air of wealth and respect. It was a surprising contrast to see our drunken parlor companion—bald, dirty, pimpled, and wearing his old camlet cloak—confront him at the bottom of the stairs.
‘Macfarlane!’ he said somewhat loudly, more like a herald than a friend.
‘Macfarlane!’ he said somewhat loudly, more like an announcer than a friend.
The great doctor pulled up short on the fourth step, as though the familiarity of the address surprised and somewhat shocked his dignity.
The great doctor paused on the fourth step, as if the familiarity of the location took him by surprise and somewhat shook his composure.
‘Toddy Macfarlane!’ repeated Fettes.
"‘Toddy Macfarlane!’ Fettes repeated."
The London man almost staggered. He stared for the swiftest of seconds at the man before him, glanced behind him with a sort of scare, and then in a startled whisper, ‘Fettes!’ he said, ‘You!’
The London man nearly stumbled. He gazed for a brief moment at the man in front of him, looked back with a bit of fear, and then in a shocked whisper said, "Fettes! Is that you!"
‘Ay,’ said the other, ‘me! Did you think I was dead too? We are not so easy shut of our acquaintance.’
‘Hey,’ said the other, ‘me! Did you think I was dead too? We're not so easy to get rid of our acquaintances.’
‘Hush, hush!’ exclaimed the doctor. ‘Hush, hush! this meeting is so unexpected—I can see you are unmanned. I hardly knew you, I confess, at first; but I am overjoyed—overjoyed to have this opportunity. For the present it must be how-d’ye-do and good-bye in one, for my fly is waiting, and I must not fail the train; but you shall—let me see—yes—you shall give me your address, and you can count on early news of me. We must do something for you, Fettes. I fear you are out at elbows; but we must see to that for auld lang syne, as once we sang at suppers.’
“Shh, shh!” the doctor exclaimed. “Shh, shh! This meeting is so unexpected—I can tell you're taken aback. I barely recognized you at first, I admit; but I’m thrilled—truly thrilled to have this chance. For now, it has to be a quick hello and goodbye, since my ride is waiting, and I can’t miss the train; but you should—let me think—yes—you should give me your address, and you can expect to hear from me soon. We need to do something for you, Fettes. I worry you’re struggling; but we’ll make sure to help out for old times’ sake, just like we used to sing at dinners.”
‘Money!’ cried Fettes; ‘money from you! The money that I had from you is lying where I cast it in the rain.’
‘Money!’ shouted Fettes; ‘money from you! The cash I got from you is sitting where I threw it in the rain.’
Dr. Macfarlane had talked himself into some measure of superiority and confidence, but the uncommon energy of this refusal cast him back into his first confusion.
Dr. Macfarlane had convinced himself of some level of superiority and confidence, but the unexpected force of this rejection threw him back into his original state of confusion.
A horrible, ugly look came and went across his almost venerable countenance. ‘My dear fellow,’ he said, ‘be it as you please; my last thought is to offend you. I would intrude on none. I will leave you my address, however—’
A terrible, ugly expression flickered across his nearly respected face. “My dear friend,” he said, “do as you wish; I have no intention of offending you. I would never intrude on anyone. I’ll give you my address, though—”
‘I do not wish it—I do not wish to know the roof that shelters you,’ interrupted the other. ‘I heard your name; I feared it might be you; I wished to know if, after all, there were a God; I know now that there is none. Begone!’
‘I don’t want it—I don’t want to know the roof that shields you,’ the other interrupted. ‘I heard your name; I was afraid it might be you; I wanted to know if, after all, there was a God; now I know there isn’t. Get away!’
He still stood in the middle of the rug, between the stair and doorway; and the great London physician, in order to escape, would be forced to step to one side. It was plain that he hesitated before the thought of this humiliation. White as he was, there was a dangerous glitter in his spectacles; but while he still paused uncertain, he became aware that the driver of his fly was peering in from the street at this unusual scene and caught a glimpse at the same time of our little body from the parlour, huddled by the corner of the bar. The presence of so many witnesses decided him at once to flee. He crouched together, brushing on the wainscot, and made a dart like a serpent, striking for the door. But his tribulation was not yet entirely at an end, for even as he was passing Fettes clutched him by the arm and these words came in a whisper, and yet painfully distinct, ‘Have you seen it again?’
He was still standing in the middle of the rug, between the stairs and the doorway; and the prominent London doctor, to get away, would have to step aside. It was clear he hesitated at the thought of this embarrassment. Pale as he was, there was a dangerous glint in his glasses; but while he lingered uncertainly, he noticed that the driver of his cab was peeking in from the street at this unusual scene and caught a glimpse of our small group in the parlor, huddled by the corner of the bar. The presence of so many witnesses quickly decided him to flee. He crouched down, brushing against the paneling, and darted like a snake toward the door. But his ordeal wasn’t over yet, because just as he was passing, Fettes grabbed him by the arm and whispered in a painfully clear voice, "Have you seen it again?"
The great rich London doctor cried out aloud with a sharp, throttling cry; he dashed his questioner across the open space, and, with his hands over his head, fled out of the door like a detected thief. Before it had occurred to one of us to make a movement the fly was already rattling toward the station. The scene was over like a dream, but the dream had left proofs and traces of its passage. Next day the servant found the fine gold spectacles broken on the threshold, and that very night we were all standing breathless by the bar-room window, and Fettes at our side, sober, pale, and resolute in look.
The wealthy doctor from London let out a loud, desperate cry; he pushed his questioner aside and, with his hands over his head, bolted out the door like a caught thief. Before any of us thought to react, the cab was already rattling toward the station. The scene faded away like a dream, but the dream left evidence of its presence. The next day, the servant found the broken gold spectacles on the threshold, and that same night we were all standing breathless by the bar-room window, with Fettes beside us, looking serious, pale, and determined.
‘God protect us, Mr. Fettes!’ said the landlord, coming first into possession of his customary senses. ‘What in the universe is all this? These are strange things you have been saying.’
‘God help us, Mr. Fettes!’ said the landlord, finally regaining his usual composure. ‘What on earth is going on here? These are bizarre things you’ve been saying.’
Fettes turned toward us; he looked us each in succession in the face. ‘See if you can hold your tongues,’ said he. ‘That man Macfarlane is not safe to cross; those that have done so already have repented it too late.’
Fettes turned to us; he looked each of us in the face one by one. “Try to keep your mouths shut,” he said. “That guy Macfarlane is dangerous to mess with; those who have crossed him have regretted it way too late.”
And then, without so much as finishing his third glass, far less waiting for the other two, he bade us good-bye and went forth, under the lamp of the hotel, into the black night.
And then, without even finishing his third drink, let alone waiting for the other two, he said goodbye and walked out, under the hotel lamp, into the dark night.
We three turned to our places in the parlour, with the big red fire and four clear candles; and as we recapitulated what had passed, the first chill of our surprise soon changed into a glow of curiosity. We sat late; it was the latest session I have known in the old George. Each man, before we parted, had his theory that he was bound to prove; and none of us had any nearer business in this world than to track out the past of our condemned companion, and surprise the secret that he shared with the great London doctor. It is no great boast, but I believe I was a better hand at worming out a story than either of my fellows at the George; and perhaps there is now no other man alive who could narrate to you the following foul and unnatural events.
We three settled back into our spots in the living room, warmed by the big red fire and the four bright candles. As we went over what had happened, the initial shock turned into a strong sense of curiosity. We stayed up late; it was the longest session I’ve ever had at the old George. Each of us, before we split up, had a theory we were determined to prove, and none of us had anything more urgent on our minds than uncovering the history of our condemned friend and revealing the secret he had with the famous London doctor. It’s not much to brag about, but I believe I was better at digging out a story than either of my companions at the George; and perhaps there’s no one else alive today who could tell you the following grim and unnatural events.
In his young days Fettes studied medicine in the schools of Edinburgh. He had talent of a kind, the talent that picks up swiftly what it hears and readily retails it for its own. He worked little at home; but he was civil, attentive, and intelligent in the presence of his masters. They soon picked him out as a lad who listened closely and remembered well; nay, strange as it seemed to me when I first heard it, he was in those days well favoured, and pleased by his exterior. There was, at that period, a certain extramural teacher of anatomy, whom I shall here designate by the letter K. His name was subsequently too well known. The man who bore it skulked through the streets of Edinburgh in disguise, while the mob that applauded at the execution of Burke called loudly for the blood of his employer. But Mr. K— was then at the top of his vogue; he enjoyed a popularity due partly to his own talent and address, partly to the incapacity of his rival, the university professor. The students, at least, swore by his name, and Fettes believed himself, and was believed by others, to have laid the foundations of success when he had acquired the favour of this meteorically famous man. Mr. K— was a bon vivant as well as an accomplished teacher; he liked a sly illusion no less than a careful preparation. In both capacities Fettes enjoyed and deserved his notice, and by the second year of his attendance he held the half-regular position of second demonstrator or sub-assistant in his class.
In his youth, Fettes studied medicine at the schools in Edinburgh. He had a certain talent, the kind that quickly absorbs what it hears and easily makes it his own. He didn't do much studying at home; however, he was polite, attentive, and smart when he was with his teachers. They quickly recognized him as a student who listened well and remembered a lot; strangely enough, as I found out when I first heard it, he was also quite good-looking and pleased with his appearance at that time. There was, during that period, a certain anatomy teacher from outside the university whom I will refer to as Mr. K. His real name became too well-known later on. The man carrying that name hid in the streets of Edinburgh, while the crowd that cheered at Burke's execution loudly called for the blood of his employer. But Mr. K was then at the peak of his popularity; he had gained fame partly because of his own talent and charm and partly due to the incompetence of his rival, the university professor. The students, at least, swore by his name, and Fettes thought, and others believed, that he had laid the groundwork for his future success when he earned the favor of this rapidly rising star. Mr. K was a bon vivant as well as a skilled teacher; he enjoyed a clever joke just as much as a well-prepared lesson. In both aspects, Fettes attracted and deserved his attention, and by the second year of his studies, he held a semi-regular position as a second demonstrator or assistant in Mr. K’s class.
In this capacity the charge of the theatre and lecture-room devolved in particular upon his shoulders. He had to answer for the cleanliness of the premises and the conduct of the other students, and it was a part of his duty to supply, receive, and divide the various subjects. It was with a view to this last—at that time very delicate—affair that he was lodged by Mr. K— in the same wynd, and at last in the same building, with the dissecting-rooms. Here, after a night of turbulent pleasures, his hand still tottering, his sight still misty and confused, he would be called out of bed in the black hours before the winter dawn by the unclean and desperate interlopers who supplied the table. He would open the door to these men, since infamous throughout the land. He would help them with their tragic burden, pay them their sordid price, and remain alone, when they were gone, with the unfriendly relics of humanity. From such a scene he would return to snatch another hour or two of slumber, to repair the abuses of the night, and refresh himself for the labours of the day.
In this role, the responsibility for the theater and lecture room fell mainly on him. He had to ensure the place was clean and manage the behavior of the other students, and part of his job involved providing, receiving, and distributing the various subjects. To facilitate this particularly sensitive task, Mr. K— placed him in the same alley and eventually in the same building as the dissecting rooms. Here, after a night filled with wild parties, with his hands still shaky and his vision still blurred and unclear, he would be woken from his sleep in the dark hours before winter dawn by the filthy and desperate outsiders who supplied the table. He would open the door to these notoriously infamous men. He would assist them with their grim cargo, pay them their dirty fee, and be left alone, once they departed, with the unwelcome remains of humanity. After such a scene, he would return to grab another hour or two of sleep to mend the damages of the night and recharge for the day's work.
Few lads could have been more insensible to the impressions of a life thus passed among the ensigns of mortality. His mind was closed against all general considerations. He was incapable of interest in the fate and fortunes of another, the slave of his own desires and low ambitions. Cold, light, and selfish in the last resort, he had that modicum of prudence, miscalled morality, which keeps a man from inconvenient drunkenness or punishable theft. He coveted, besides, a measure of consideration from his masters and his fellow-pupils, and he had no desire to fail conspicuously in the external parts of life. Thus he made it his pleasure to gain some distinction in his studies, and day after day rendered unimpeachable eye-service to his employer, Mr. K—. For his day of work he indemnified himself by nights of roaring, blackguardly enjoyment; and when that balance had been struck, the organ that he called his conscience declared itself content.
Few guys could have been more oblivious to the realities of a life spent surrounded by reminders of mortality. His mind was shut off from any broader thoughts. He couldn’t care less about the outcomes and experiences of others, just focused on his own desires and petty ambitions. Cold, shallow, and selfish when it came down to it, he had just enough sense, mistakenly labeled morality, to keep him from getting too drunk or stealing something he’d get punished for. He also longed for some acknowledgment from his teachers and classmates, and he didn't want to stand out for failing at the superficial aspects of life. So, he took pleasure in achieving some recognition in his studies and, day after day, offered impeccable service to his boss, Mr. K—. He compensated for his work during the day with nights of wild and reckless enjoyment; and once that balance was achieved, the part of him he called his conscience was satisfied.
The supply of subjects was a continual trouble to him as well as to his master. In that large and busy class, the raw material of the anatomists kept perpetually running out; and the business thus rendered necessary was not only unpleasant in itself, but threatened dangerous consequences to all who were concerned. It was the policy of Mr. K— to ask no questions in his dealings with the trade. ‘They bring the body, and we pay the price,’ he used to say, dwelling on the alliteration—‘quid pro quo.’ And, again, and somewhat profanely, ‘Ask no questions,’ he would tell his assistants, ‘for conscience’ sake.’ There was no understanding that the subjects were provided by the crime of murder. Had that idea been broached to him in words, he would have recoiled in horror; but the lightness of his speech upon so grave a matter was, in itself, an offence against good manners, and a temptation to the men with whom he dealt. Fettes, for instance, had often remarked to himself upon the singular freshness of the bodies. He had been struck again and again by the hang-dog, abominable looks of the ruffians who came to him before the dawn; and putting things together clearly in his private thoughts, he perhaps attributed a meaning too immoral and too categorical to the unguarded counsels of his master. He understood his duty, in short, to have three branches: to take what was brought, to pay the price, and to avert the eye from any evidence of crime.
The supply of bodies was a constant headache for him and his boss. In that large and busy class, the raw material for the anatomists kept running low, and the work that this required was not only unpleasant but also posed serious risks for everyone involved. Mr. K— had a policy of not asking questions in his dealings with the suppliers. “They bring the body, and we pay the price,” he would say, emphasizing the rhyme—“quid pro quo.” And, somewhat irreverently, he would tell his assistants, “Don’t ask questions for the sake of your conscience.” It was understood that the bodies came from murder. If that idea had been directly suggested to him, he would have been horrified; however, his casual remarks about such a serious topic were, in themselves, poor taste and a temptation for the men he dealt with. Fettes, for example, had often noticed how fresh the bodies were. He had been struck repeatedly by the suspicious, despicable looks of the thugs who came to him before dawn; and putting the pieces together in his mind, he probably attributed a meaning too immoral and categorical to his boss’s offhand comments. In short, he understood his duty to consist of three parts: to accept what was brought, to pay the price, and to ignore any signs of crime.
One November morning this policy of silence was put sharply to the test. He had been awake all night with a racking toothache—pacing his room like a caged beast or throwing himself in fury on his bed—and had fallen at last into that profound, uneasy slumber that so often follows on a night of pain, when he was awakened by the third or fourth angry repetition of the concerted signal. There was a thin, bright moonshine; it was bitter cold, windy, and frosty; the town had not yet awakened, but an indefinable stir already preluded the noise and business of the day. The ghouls had come later than usual, and they seemed more than usually eager to be gone. Fettes, sick with sleep, lighted them upstairs. He heard their grumbling Irish voices through a dream; and as they stripped the sack from their sad merchandise he leaned dozing, with his shoulder propped against the wall; he had to shake himself to find the men their money. As he did so his eyes lighted on the dead face. He started; he took two steps nearer, with the candle raised.
One November morning, this silence rule was really challenged. He had been up all night with a terrible toothache—pacing his room like a trapped animal or throwing himself angrily on his bed—and finally fell into that deep, restless sleep that often comes after a painful night when he was awakened by the third or fourth loud repetition of the agreed signal. The moonlight was bright; it was freezing cold, windy, and frosty; the town hadn’t woken up yet, but there was already a vague buzz hinting at the noise and activity of the day ahead. The ghouls had arrived later than usual, and they seemed more anxious than ever to leave. Fettes, feeling sick from lack of sleep, guided them upstairs. He heard their grumbling Irish voices through a dream, and as they took the cover off their grim cargo, he leaned sleepily against the wall; he had to shake himself awake to get the men their payment. As he did, his eyes fell on the dead face. He jumped back; he took two steps closer, holding the candle up.
‘God Almighty!’ he cried. ‘That is Jane Galbraith!’
“Holy cow!” he exclaimed. “That’s Jane Galbraith!”
The men answered nothing, but they shuffled nearer the door.
The men didn’t say anything, but they moved closer to the door.
‘I know her, I tell you,’ he continued. ‘She was alive and hearty yesterday. It’s impossible she can be dead; it’s impossible you should have got this body fairly.’
‘I know her, I'm telling you,’ he went on. ‘She was alive and well yesterday. There's no way she can be dead; it's impossible you could have gotten this body legitimately.’
‘Sure, sir, you’re mistaken entirely,’ said one of the men.
"Sure, sir, you’re completely wrong," said one of the men.
But the other looked Fettes darkly in the eyes, and demanded the money on the spot.
But the other one looked Fettes straight in the eyes and demanded the money right away.
It was impossible to misconceive the threat or to exaggerate the danger. The lad’s heart failed him. He stammered some excuses, counted out the sum, and saw his hateful visitors depart. No sooner were they gone than he hastened to confirm his doubts. By a dozen unquestionable marks he identified the girl he had jested with the day before. He saw, with horror, marks upon her body that might well betoken violence. A panic seized him, and he took refuge in his room. There he reflected at length over the discovery that he had made; considered soberly the bearing of Mr. K—’s instructions and the danger to himself of interference in so serious a business, and at last, in sore perplexity, determined to wait for the advice of his immediate superior, the class assistant.
It was impossible to misunderstand the threat or overstate the danger. The young man's heart sank. He stammered out some excuses, counted out the money, and watched his unwanted visitors leave. As soon as they were gone, he rushed to confirm his suspicions. By several unmistakable signs, he recognized the girl he had joked with the day before. He was horrified to see marks on her body that clearly suggested violence. Panic overwhelmed him, and he took refuge in his room. There, he reflected deeply on the discovery he had made; he seriously considered Mr. K—’s instructions and the risks involved in getting involved in such a serious matter, and ultimately, in great confusion, decided to wait for advice from his immediate superior, the class assistant.
This was a young doctor, Wolfe Macfarlane, a high favourite among all the reckless students, clever, dissipated, and unscrupulous to the last degree. He had travelled and studied abroad. His manners were agreeable and a little forward. He was an authority on the stage, skilful on the ice or the links with skate or golf-club; he dressed with nice audacity, and, to put the finishing touch upon his glory, he kept a gig and a strong trotting-horse. With Fettes he was on terms of intimacy; indeed, their relative positions called for some community of life; and when subjects were scarce the pair would drive far into the country in Macfarlane’s gig, visit and desecrate some lonely graveyard, and return before dawn with their booty to the door of the dissecting-room.
This was a young doctor, Wolfe Macfarlane, who was a favorite among all the reckless students—smart, indulgent, and totally unscrupulous. He had traveled and studied abroad. His manners were charming and a bit forward. He was well-informed about the theater, skilled on ice or the golf course, and he dressed with striking confidence. To top off his image, he owned a gig and a fast trotting horse. He was close with Fettes; in fact, their positions called for some shared experiences. When they were short on topics to discuss, the two would drive far into the countryside in Macfarlane’s gig, visit and disturb some remote graveyard, and return before dawn with their finds to the door of the dissecting room.
On that particular morning Macfarlane arrived somewhat earlier than his wont. Fettes heard him, and met him on the stairs, told him his story, and showed him the cause of his alarm. Macfarlane examined the marks on her body.
On that particular morning, Macfarlane arrived somewhat earlier than usual. Fettes heard him and met him on the stairs, told him his story, and showed him what was causing his alarm. Macfarlane examined the marks on her body.
‘Yes,’ he said with a nod, ‘it looks fishy.’
‘Yeah,’ he said with a nod, ‘it seems suspicious.’
‘Well, what should I do?’ asked Fettes.
‘Well, what should I do?’ asked Fettes.
‘Do?’ repeated the other. ‘Do you want to do anything? Least said soonest mended, I should say.’
‘Do?’ repeated the other. ‘Do you want to do anything? The less said, the sooner it gets fixed, I would say.’
‘Some one else might recognise her,’ objected Fettes. ‘She was as well known as the Castle Rock.’
'Someone else might recognize her,' Fettes argued. 'She was as well known as the Castle Rock.'
‘We’ll hope not,’ said Macfarlane, ‘and if anybody does—well, you didn’t, don’t you see, and there’s an end. The fact is, this has been going on too long. Stir up the mud, and you’ll get K— into the most unholy trouble; you’ll be in a shocking box yourself. So will I, if you come to that. I should like to know how any one of us would look, or what the devil we should have to say for ourselves, in any Christian witness-box. For me, you know there’s one thing certain—that, practically speaking, all our subjects have been murdered.’
“We hope not,” said Macfarlane. “And if anyone does—well, you didn’t, can’t you see? That’s the end of it. The truth is, this has been going on for too long. Stir up the mess, and you’ll get K— into some really serious trouble; you’ll be in a tough spot yourself. So will I, for that matter. I’d like to know how any one of us would look, or what on earth we would have to explain about ourselves, in any Christian witness box. For me, you know, there’s one thing that’s clear—that, practically speaking, all our subjects have been killed.”
‘Macfarlane!’ cried Fettes.
“Macfarlane!” shouted Fettes.
‘Come now!’ sneered the other. ‘As if you hadn’t suspected it yourself!’
“Come on!” the other mocked. “As if you didn’t suspect it yourself!”
‘Suspecting is one thing—’
"Suspecting is one thing—"
‘And proof another. Yes, I know; and I’m as sorry as you are this should have come here,’ tapping the body with his cane. ‘The next best thing for me is not to recognise it; and,’ he added coolly, ‘I don’t. You may, if you please. I don’t dictate, but I think a man of the world would do as I do; and I may add, I fancy that is what K— would look for at our hands. The question is, Why did he choose us two for his assistants? And I answer, because he didn’t want old wives.’
“And proof of that. Yes, I know; and I’m just as sorry as you are that this had to happen here,” he said, tapping the body with his cane. “The next best thing for me is to pretend it’s not real; and,” he added coolly, “I don’t. You can if you want. I’m not making any demands, but I think a worldly person would act like I am; and I should add, I believe that’s what K— would expect from us. The question is, why did he select us two as his assistants? And I say it’s because he didn’t want any gossiping old ladies.”
This was the tone of all others to affect the mind of a lad like Fettes. He agreed to imitate Macfarlane. The body of the unfortunate girl was duly dissected, and no one remarked or appeared to recognise her.
This was the vibe that influenced a guy like Fettes. He decided to copy Macfarlane. The body of the unfortunate girl was properly dissected, and no one commented or seemed to recognize her.
One afternoon, when his day’s work was over, Fettes dropped into a popular tavern and found Macfarlane sitting with a stranger. This was a small man, very pale and dark, with coal-black eyes. The cut of his features gave a promise of intellect and refinement which was but feebly realised in his manners, for he proved, upon a nearer acquaintance, coarse, vulgar, and stupid. He exercised, however, a very remarkable control over Macfarlane; issued orders like the Great Bashaw; became inflamed at the least discussion or delay, and commented rudely on the servility with which he was obeyed. This most offensive person took a fancy to Fettes on the spot, plied him with drinks, and honoured him with unusual confidences on his past career. If a tenth part of what he confessed were true, he was a very loathsome rogue; and the lad’s vanity was tickled by the attention of so experienced a man.
One afternoon, after finishing his work for the day, Fettes stopped by a popular pub and found Macfarlane sitting with a stranger. The stranger was a small man, very pale and dark, with coal-black eyes. The shape of his features suggested intelligence and refinement, which was only weakly reflected in his behavior, as he turned out to be coarse, vulgar, and foolish upon closer inspection. However, he had a remarkable control over Macfarlane; he issued orders like a powerful leader, became enraged at the slightest discussion or delay, and rudely commented on the way Macfarlane obediently followed his commands. This extremely unpleasant person took a liking to Fettes immediately, kept him supplied with drinks, and shared unusual details about his past. If even a fraction of what he revealed was true, he was a truly disgusting rogue, and Fettes's vanity was pleased by the attention from such an experienced man.
‘I’m a pretty bad fellow myself,’ the stranger remarked, ‘but Macfarlane is the boy—Toddy Macfarlane I call him. Toddy, order your friend another glass.’ Or it might be, ‘Toddy, you jump up and shut the door.’ ‘Toddy hates me,’ he said again. ‘Oh yes, Toddy, you do!’
‘I’m not the best person myself,’ the stranger said, ‘but Macfarlane is the real deal—I call him Toddy Macfarlane. Toddy, get your friend another glass.’ Or it could be, ‘Toddy, you hop up and close the door.’ ‘Toddy hates me,’ he said again. ‘Oh yes, Toddy, you do!’
‘Don’t you call me that confounded name,’ growled Macfarlane.
‘Don’t you call me that stupid name,’ growled Macfarlane.
‘Hear him! Did you ever see the lads play knife? He would like to do that all over my body,’ remarked the stranger.
‘Listen to him! Did you ever see the guys play knife? He’d love to do that all over my body,’ the stranger said.
‘We medicals have a better way than that,’ said Fettes. ‘When we dislike a dead friend of ours, we dissect him.’
‘We in the medical field have a better way than that,’ said Fettes. ‘When we dislike a dead friend of ours, we dissect him.’
Macfarlane looked up sharply, as though this jest were scarcely to his mind.
Macfarlane looked up quickly, as if this joke was hardly to his liking.
The afternoon passed. Gray, for that was the stranger’s name, invited Fettes to join them at dinner, ordered a feast so sumptuous that the tavern was thrown into commotion, and when all was done commanded Macfarlane to settle the bill. It was late before they separated; the man Gray was incapably drunk. Macfarlane, sobered by his fury, chewed the cud of the money he had been forced to squander and the slights he had been obliged to swallow. Fettes, with various liquors singing in his head, returned home with devious footsteps and a mind entirely in abeyance. Next day Macfarlane was absent from the class, and Fettes smiled to himself as he imagined him still squiring the intolerable Gray from tavern to tavern. As soon as the hour of liberty had struck he posted from place to place in quest of his last night’s companions. He could find them, however, nowhere; so returned early to his rooms, went early to bed, and slept the sleep of the just.
The afternoon went by. Gray, which was the stranger’s name, invited Fettes to have dinner with them, ordered a feast so extravagant that the tavern erupted into chaos, and when everything was finished, told Macfarlane to pay the bill. It was late before they parted ways; Gray was completely drunk. Macfarlane, sobered by his anger, was fixated on the money he had to waste and the disrespect he had to endure. Fettes, with different drinks buzzing in his head, stumbled home with unsteady steps and a mind completely blank. The next day, Macfarlane was missing from class, and Fettes chuckled to himself, picturing him still dragging the unbearable Gray from bar to bar. As soon as freedom hour hit, he rushed around trying to find his companions from the previous night. However, he couldn’t locate them anywhere, so he returned to his rooms early, went to bed early, and slept soundly.
At four in the morning he was awakened by the well-known signal. Descending to the door, he was filled with astonishment to find Macfarlane with his gig, and in the gig one of those long and ghastly packages with which he was so well acquainted.
At four in the morning, he was woken up by the familiar signal. Heading down to the door, he was shocked to see Macfarlane with his carriage, and in the carriage, one of those long and horrifying packages that he recognized all too well.
‘What?’ he cried. ‘Have you been out alone? How did you manage?’
‘What?’ he shouted. ‘Have you really been out alone? How did you pull that off?’
But Macfarlane silenced him roughly, bidding him turn to business. When they had got the body upstairs and laid it on the table, Macfarlane made at first as if he were going away. Then he paused and seemed to hesitate; and then, ‘You had better look at the face,’ said he, in tones of some constraint. ‘You had better,’ he repeated, as Fettes only stared at him in wonder.
But Macfarlane cut him off sharply, telling him to focus on the task at hand. Once they had carried the body upstairs and placed it on the table, Macfarlane initially acted like he was about to leave. Then he stopped and appeared to hesitate; finally, he said, "You should take a look at the face," in a slightly strained tone. "You should," he repeated, as Fettes just stared at him in confusion.
‘But where, and how, and when did you come by it?’ cried the other.
‘But where, how, and when did you get it?’ cried the other.
‘Look at the face,’ was the only answer.
‘Look at the face,’ was the only reply.
Fettes was staggered; strange doubts assailed him. He looked from the young doctor to the body, and then back again. At last, with a start, he did as he was bidden. He had almost expected the sight that met his eyes, and yet the shock was cruel. To see, fixed in the rigidity of death and naked on that coarse layer of sackcloth, the man whom he had left well clad and full of meat and sin upon the threshold of a tavern, awoke, even in the thoughtless Fettes, some of the terrors of the conscience. It was a cras tibi which re-echoed in his soul, that two whom he had known should have come to lie upon these icy tables. Yet these were only secondary thoughts. His first concern regarded Wolfe. Unprepared for a challenge so momentous, he knew not how to look his comrade in the face. He durst not meet his eye, and he had neither words nor voice at his command.
Fettes was taken aback; strange doubts overwhelmed him. He looked from the young doctor to the body, and then back again. Finally, with a jolt, he did as he was told. He had nearly expected the sight that greeted him, and yet the shock was harsh. To see the man, stiff in death and naked on that rough layer of sackcloth, whom he had left well-dressed and full of life and vices at the doorstep of a bar, stirred even thoughtless Fettes to feel some of the fears of his conscience. It was a cras tibi that echoed in his soul, that two people he had known should end up lying on these cold tables. Yet, these were only afterthoughts. His main concern was about Wolfe. Unprepared for such a significant confrontation, he didn’t know how to look his friend in the eyes. He couldn’t meet his gaze, and he had no words or voice at his disposal.
It was Macfarlane himself who made the first advance. He came up quietly behind and laid his hand gently but firmly on the other’s shoulder.
It was Macfarlane himself who made the first move. He approached quietly from behind and placed his hand gently but firmly on the other person's shoulder.
‘Richardson,’ said he, ‘may have the head.’
‘Richardson,’ he said, ‘can have the head.’
Now Richardson was a student who had long been anxious for that portion of the human subject to dissect. There was no answer, and the murderer resumed: ‘Talking of business, you must pay me; your accounts, you see, must tally.’
Now Richardson was a student who had been eager to dissect that part of the human body for a long time. There was no answer, and the murderer continued: "Speaking of business, you need to pay me; your accounts, you see, have to balance."
Fettes found a voice, the ghost of his own: ‘Pay you!’ he cried. ‘Pay you for that?’
Fettes found his voice, the ghost of his own: ‘Pay you!’ he shouted. ‘Pay you for that?’
‘Why, yes, of course you must. By all means and on every possible account, you must,’ returned the other. ‘I dare not give it for nothing, you dare not take it for nothing; it would compromise us both. This is another case like Jane Galbraith’s. The more things are wrong the more we must act as if all were right. Where does old K— keep his money?’
‘Of course you have to. Absolutely, in every way, you must,’ replied the other. ‘I can’t give it away for free, and you can’t take it for free; it would put us both at risk. This is just like the situation with Jane Galbraith. The more things are messed up, the more we have to pretend everything is fine. Where does old K— keep his money?’
‘There,’ answered Fettes hoarsely, pointing to a cupboard in the corner.
‘There,’ Fettes replied hoarsely, pointing to a cupboard in the corner.
‘Give me the key, then,’ said the other, calmly, holding out his hand.
‘Give me the key, then,’ said the other, calmly, holding out his hand.
There was an instant’s hesitation, and the die was cast. Macfarlane could not suppress a nervous twitch, the infinitesimal mark of an immense relief, as he felt the key between his fingers. He opened the cupboard, brought out pen and ink and a paper-book that stood in one compartment, and separated from the funds in a drawer a sum suitable to the occasion.
There was a moment's pause, and the decision was made. Macfarlane couldn't hide a nervous twitch, a tiny sign of overwhelming relief, as he felt the key in his fingers. He opened the cupboard, took out a pen, ink, and a notebook that was in one section, and set aside an amount from the cash in a drawer that was appropriate for the situation.
‘Now, look here,’ he said, ‘there is the payment made—first proof of your good faith: first step to your security. You have now to clinch it by a second. Enter the payment in your book, and then you for your part may defy the devil.’
‘Now, listen,’ he said, ‘here is the payment made—your first proof of good faith: your first step toward security. You now need to confirm it with a second step. Enter the payment in your records, and then you can go ahead and defy the devil.’
The next few seconds were for Fettes an agony of thought; but in balancing his terrors it was the most immediate that triumphed. Any future difficulty seemed almost welcome if he could avoid a present quarrel with Macfarlane. He set down the candle which he had been carrying all this time, and with a steady hand entered the date, the nature, and the amount of the transaction.
The next few seconds were an agonizing struggle for Fettes; however, as he weighed his fears, the most pressing ones won out. Any future trouble felt almost like a relief if it meant he could avoid a fight with Macfarlane right now. He put down the candle he had been holding all this time and, with a steady hand, recorded the date, the nature, and the amount of the transaction.
‘And now,’ said Macfarlane, ‘it’s only fair that you should pocket the lucre. I’ve had my share already. By the bye, when a man of the world falls into a bit of luck, has a few shillings extra in his pocket—I’m ashamed to speak of it, but there’s a rule of conduct in the case. No treating, no purchase of expensive class-books, no squaring of old debts; borrow, don’t lend.’
‘And now,’ said Macfarlane, ‘it’s only fair that you should take the money. I’ve had my share already. By the way, when someone who knows the world catches a break and has a few extra shillings in their pocket—I’m embarrassed to say this, but there’s a guideline for this situation. No treating, no buying expensive textbooks, no settling old debts; borrow, don’t lend.’
‘Macfarlane,’ began Fettes, still somewhat hoarsely, ‘I have put my neck in a halter to oblige you.’
‘Macfarlane,’ began Fettes, still somewhat hoarse, ‘I have put my neck in a noose to help you.’
‘To oblige me?’ cried Wolfe. ‘Oh, come! You did, as near as I can see the matter, what you downright had to do in self-defence. Suppose I got into trouble, where would you be? This second little matter flows clearly from the first. Mr. Gray is the continuation of Miss Galbraith. You can’t begin and then stop. If you begin, you must keep on beginning; that’s the truth. No rest for the wicked.’
‘To help me?’ cried Wolfe. ‘Oh, come on! As far as I can tell, you did what you had to do to protect yourself. Just think—if I got in trouble, where would that leave you? This next issue clearly follows from the first. Mr. Gray is just an extension of Miss Galbraith. You can’t start something and then just stop. If you start, you’ve got to keep it going; that’s the reality. No rest for the wicked.’
A horrible sense of blackness and the treachery of fate seized hold upon the soul of the unhappy student.
A terrible feeling of darkness and betrayal by fate gripped the soul of the unfortunate student.
‘My God!’ he cried, ‘but what have I done? and when did I begin? To be made a class assistant—in the name of reason, where’s the harm in that? Service wanted the position; Service might have got it. Would he have been where I am now?’
‘My God!’ he exclaimed, ‘what have I done? When did this all start? Becoming a class assistant—in the name of reason, what’s the issue with that? Service wanted the position; Service could have taken it. Would he have ended up where I am now?’
‘My dear fellow,’ said Macfarlane, ‘what a boy you are! What harm has come to you? What harm can come to you if you hold your tongue? Why, man, do you know what this life is? There are two squads of us—the lions and the lambs. If you’re a lamb, you’ll come to lie upon these tables like Gray or Jane Galbraith; if you’re a lion, you’ll live and drive a horse like me, like K—, like all the world with any wit or courage. You’re staggered at the first. But look at K—! My dear fellow, you’re clever, you have pluck. I like you, and K— likes you. You were born to lead the hunt; and I tell you, on my honour and my experience of life, three days from now you’ll laugh at all these scarecrows like a High School boy at a farce.’
‘My dear friend,’ said Macfarlane, ‘what a kid you are! What trouble has come to you? What trouble can come to you if you keep quiet? Honestly, do you even know what this life is like? There are two groups of us—the lions and the lambs. If you’re a lamb, you’ll end up on these tables like Gray or Jane Galbraith; if you’re a lion, you’ll live and drive a horse like me, like K—, like everyone who has any brains or guts. You’re shocked by the first. But look at K—! My dear friend, you’re smart, you have guts. I like you, and K— likes you. You were meant to lead the charge; and I promise you, from my experience in life, three days from now you’ll be laughing at all these scarecrows like a high school kid at a comedy.’
And with that Macfarlane took his departure and drove off up the wynd in his gig to get under cover before daylight. Fettes was thus left alone with his regrets. He saw the miserable peril in which he stood involved. He saw, with inexpressible dismay, that there was no limit to his weakness, and that, from concession to concession, he had fallen from the arbiter of Macfarlane’s destiny to his paid and helpless accomplice. He would have given the world to have been a little braver at the time, but it did not occur to him that he might still be brave. The secret of Jane Galbraith and the cursed entry in the day-book closed his mouth.
And with that, Macfarlane left and drove off up the lane in his carriage to find shelter before daylight. Fettes was left alone with his regrets. He realized the terrible danger he was in. He felt an overwhelming sense of despair, recognizing that his weakness knew no bounds, and that, with each concession he made, he had gone from being the one in control of Macfarlane’s fate to being his paid and powerless accomplice. He would have done anything to have been a bit braver at that moment, but it didn’t occur to him that he could still find courage. The secret of Jane Galbraith and the cursed entry in the day-book kept him silent.
Hours passed; the class began to arrive; the members of the unhappy Gray were dealt out to one and to another, and received without remark. Richardson was made happy with the head; and before the hour of freedom rang Fettes trembled with exultation to perceive how far they had already gone toward safety.
Hours went by; the class started to show up; the members of the miserable Gray were assigned to one person after another and accepted without comment. Richardson was thrilled to have the head; and before the bell for freedom rang, Fettes felt a surge of excitement as he realized how far they had already progressed toward safety.
For two days he continued to watch, with increasing joy, the dreadful process of disguise.
For two days, he kept watching, feeling more and more thrilled by the awful process of disguise.
On the third day Macfarlane made his appearance. He had been ill, he said; but he made up for lost time by the energy with which he directed the students. To Richardson in particular he extended the most valuable assistance and advice, and that student, encouraged by the praise of the demonstrator, burned high with ambitious hopes, and saw the medal already in his grasp.
On the third day, Macfarlane showed up. He said he had been sick, but he made up for lost time with the energy he put into directing the students. He gave the most valuable help and advice to Richardson in particular, and that student, inspired by the demonstrator's praise, felt a surge of ambitious hopes and imagined the medal already in his hands.
Before the week was out Macfarlane’s prophecy had been fulfilled. Fettes had outlived his terrors and had forgotten his baseness. He began to plume himself upon his courage, and had so arranged the story in his mind that he could look back on these events with an unhealthy pride. Of his accomplice he saw but little. They met, of course, in the business of the class; they received their orders together from Mr. K—. At times they had a word or two in private, and Macfarlane was from first to last particularly kind and jovial. But it was plain that he avoided any reference to their common secret; and even when Fettes whispered to him that he had cast in his lot with the lions and foresworn the lambs, he only signed to him smilingly to hold his peace.
Before the week was over, Macfarlane’s prediction had come true. Fettes had moved past his fears and had forgotten his shame. He started to take pride in his bravery, and he had twisted the story in his mind so that he could look back on those events with a problematic sense of pride. He saw little of his accomplice. They met, of course, for class, and they received their instructions together from Mr. K—. Occasionally, they shared a few private words, and Macfarlane was always particularly friendly and cheerful. But it was clear that he avoided any mention of their shared secret; even when Fettes quietly admitted that he had sided with the lions and turned his back on the lambs, Macfarlane just smiled and gestured for him to be quiet.
At length an occasion arose which threw the pair once more into a closer union. Mr. K— was again short of subjects; pupils were eager, and it was a part of this teacher’s pretensions to be always well supplied. At the same time there came the news of a burial in the rustic graveyard of Glencorse. Time has little changed the place in question. It stood then, as now, upon a cross road, out of call of human habitations, and buried fathom deep in the foliage of six cedar trees. The cries of the sheep upon the neighbouring hills, the streamlets upon either hand, one loudly singing among pebbles, the other dripping furtively from pond to pond, the stir of the wind in mountainous old flowering chestnuts, and once in seven days the voice of the bell and the old tunes of the precentor, were the only sounds that disturbed the silence around the rural church. The Resurrection Man—to use a byname of the period—was not to be deterred by any of the sanctities of customary piety. It was part of his trade to despise and desecrate the scrolls and trumpets of old tombs, the paths worn by the feet of worshippers and mourners, and the offerings and the inscriptions of bereaved affection. To rustic neighbourhoods, where love is more than commonly tenacious, and where some bonds of blood or fellowship unite the entire society of a parish, the body-snatcher, far from being repelled by natural respect, was attracted by the ease and safety of the task. To bodies that had been laid in earth, in joyful expectation of a far different awakening, there came that hasty, lamp-lit, terror-haunted resurrection of the spade and mattock. The coffin was forced, the cerements torn, and the melancholy relics, clad in sackcloth, after being rattled for hours on moonless byways, were at length exposed to uttermost indignities before a class of gaping boys.
Eventually, an opportunity came up that brought the two of them back together again. Mr. K— was once more short on students; the pupils were eager, and part of this teacher’s reputation was to always have enough. At the same time, news arrived of a burial in the rural graveyard of Glencorse. Time hasn’t changed the place much. It stood, as it does now, at a crossroads, away from human settlements, and hidden deep within the foliage of six cedar trees. The bleating of sheep on the nearby hills, the streams on either side—one loudly bubbling over pebbles, the other quietly trickling from pond to pond—the rustle of the wind through ancient flowering chestnuts, and once a week the sound of the bell and the old melodies of the precentor were the only noises that broke the silence surrounding the rural church. The Resurrection Man—using a term from that time—was not deterred by the usual sacredness of piety. It was part of his job to disdain and violate the inscriptions and images on old tombs, the paths worn by the steps of worshippers and mourners, and the offerings and messages of grieving love. In rural neighborhoods, where love is particularly strong and where blood ties or fellowship bind the entire parish community, the body-snatcher, rather than being turned away by a sense of respect, was drawn in by the ease and safety of the job. For bodies that had been laid to rest, anticipating a very different resurrection, there came that hasty, lamp-lit, fear-filled resurrection of the spade and mattock. The coffin was pried open, the wrappings were torn away, and the sorrowful remains, dressed in sackcloth, after being jostled for hours along moonless paths, were finally subjected to utter humiliation in front of a group of wide-eyed boys.
Somewhat as two vultures may swoop upon a dying lamb, Fettes and Macfarlane were to be let loose upon a grave in that green and quiet resting-place. The wife of a farmer, a woman who had lived for sixty years, and been known for nothing but good butter and a godly conversation, was to be rooted from her grave at midnight and carried, dead and naked, to that far-away city that she had always honoured with her Sunday’s best; the place beside her family was to be empty till the crack of doom; her innocent and almost venerable members to be exposed to that last curiosity of the anatomist.
Somewhat like two vultures swooping down on a dying lamb, Fettes and Macfarlane were to be unleashed on a grave in that green and quiet resting place. The wife of a farmer, a woman who had lived for sixty years and was known only for her good butter and pious conversations, was to be dug up from her grave at midnight and taken, dead and naked, to that faraway city that she had always honored with her Sunday best; the spot beside her family would remain empty until the end of time; her innocent and almost venerable body would be exposed to the final curiosity of the anatomist.
Late one afternoon the pair set forth, well wrapped in cloaks and furnished with a formidable bottle. It rained without remission—a cold, dense, lashing rain. Now and again there blew a puff of wind, but these sheets of falling water kept it down. Bottle and all, it was a sad and silent drive as far as Penicuik, where they were to spend the evening. They stopped once, to hide their implements in a thick bush not far from the churchyard, and once again at the Fisher’s Tryst, to have a toast before the kitchen fire and vary their nips of whisky with a glass of ale. When they reached their journey’s end the gig was housed, the horse was fed and comforted, and the two young doctors in a private room sat down to the best dinner and the best wine the house afforded. The lights, the fire, the beating rain upon the window, the cold, incongruous work that lay before them, added zest to their enjoyment of the meal. With every glass their cordiality increased. Soon Macfarlane handed a little pile of gold to his companion.
Late one afternoon, the two set out, bundled up in cloaks and carrying a hefty bottle. It was raining nonstop—a cold, heavy, relentless rain. Occasionally, a gust of wind would blow, but the downpour kept it at bay. With the bottle in tow, it was a gloomy and quiet drive all the way to Penicuik, where they planned to spend the evening. They stopped once to stash their gear in a thick bush near the churchyard, and again at the Fisher’s Tryst, where they toasted by the kitchen fire and mixed their sips of whisky with a pint of ale. When they finally arrived at their destination, they put the gig away, fed and settled the horse, and the two young doctors sat down in a private room for the best dinner and wine the place had to offer. The lights, the fire, the pounding rain against the window, and the odd, serious work ahead of them all added to their enjoyment of the meal. With each glass, their camaraderie grew. Soon, Macfarlane handed over a small stack of gold to his friend.
‘A compliment,’ he said. ‘Between friends these little d-d accommodations ought to fly like pipe-lights.’
‘A compliment,’ he said. ‘Between friends, these little damn accommodations should go over like fireworks.’
Fettes pocketed the money, and applauded the sentiment to the echo. ‘You are a philosopher,’ he cried. ‘I was an ass till I knew you. You and K— between you, by the Lord Harry! but you’ll make a man of me.’
Fettes pocketed the money and praised the sentiment enthusiastically. “You’re a philosopher,” he exclaimed. “I was clueless until I met you. You and K— together, by God! You’ll turn me into a real man.”
‘Of course we shall,’ applauded Macfarlane. ‘A man? I tell you, it required a man to back me up the other morning. There are some big, brawling, forty-year-old cowards who would have turned sick at the look of the d-d thing; but not you—you kept your head. I watched you.’
‘Of course we will,’ cheered Macfarlane. ‘A man? I’m telling you, it took a real man to support me the other morning. There are some tough, burly, forty-year-old cowards who would have gotten queasy at the sight of the damn thing; but not you—you stayed calm. I saw you.’
‘Well, and why not?’ Fettes thus vaunted himself. ‘It was no affair of mine. There was nothing to gain on the one side but disturbance, and on the other I could count on your gratitude, don’t you see?’ And he slapped his pocket till the gold pieces rang.
‘Well, why not?’ Fettes bragged to himself. ‘It wasn't my problem. There was nothing to gain from getting involved except for trouble, and on the other hand, I could rely on your gratitude, you know?’ And he patted his pocket until the gold coins jingled.
Macfarlane somehow felt a certain touch of alarm at these unpleasant words. He may have regretted that he had taught his young companion so successfully, but he had no time to interfere, for the other noisily continued in this boastful strain:—
Macfarlane felt a bit of alarm at these unpleasant words. He might have regretted that he had successfully taught his young companion, but he didn't have time to step in, as the other kept going noisily in this boastful tone:—
‘The great thing is not to be afraid. Now, between you and me, I don’t want to hang—that’s practical; but for all cant, Macfarlane, I was born with a contempt. Hell, God, Devil, right, wrong, sin, crime, and all the old gallery of curiosities—they may frighten boys, but men of the world, like you and me, despise them. Here’s to the memory of Gray!’
‘The main thing is not to be afraid. Now, between you and me, I don’t want to hang—that’s just practical; but honestly, Macfarlane, I was born with a sense of contempt. Hell, God, the Devil, right, wrong, sin, crime, and all those old curiosities—they might scare boys, but men of the world, like you and me, look down on them. Here’s to the memory of Gray!’
It was by this time growing somewhat late. The gig, according to order, was brought round to the door with both lamps brightly shining, and the young men had to pay their bill and take the road. They announced that they were bound for Peebles, and drove in that direction till they were clear of the last houses of the town; then, extinguishing the lamps, returned upon their course, and followed a by-road toward Glencorse. There was no sound but that of their own passage, and the incessant, strident pouring of the rain. It was pitch dark; here and there a white gate or a white stone in the wall guided them for a short space across the night; but for the most part it was at a foot pace, and almost groping, that they picked their way through that resonant blackness to their solemn and isolated destination. In the sunken woods that traverse the neighbourhood of the burying-ground the last glimmer failed them, and it became necessary to kindle a match and re-illumine one of the lanterns of the gig. Thus, under the dripping trees, and environed by huge and moving shadows, they reached the scene of their unhallowed labours.
It was getting a bit late by this time. The carriage, as ordered, was brought to the door with both lamps glowing brightly, and the young men had to settle their bill and hit the road. They said they were headed for Peebles and drove in that direction until they were out of the last houses of the town; then, turning off the lamps, they retraced their route and took a side road toward Glencorse. There was nothing to hear except for the sound of their own movement and the constant, loud pour of the rain. It was pitch black; occasionally, a white gate or a white stone in the wall would guide them for a little while through the night, but mostly they were moving at a crawl, almost feeling their way through the thick darkness to their solemn and remote destination. In the dense woods surrounding the graveyard, the last light faded, and they had to strike a match to relight one of the lanterns on the carriage. So, under the dripping trees and surrounded by large, shifting shadows, they arrived at the scene of their forbidden work.
They were both experienced in such affairs, and powerful with the spade; and they had scarce been twenty minutes at their task before they were rewarded by a dull rattle on the coffin lid. At the same moment Macfarlane, having hurt his hand upon a stone, flung it carelessly above his head. The grave, in which they now stood almost to the shoulders, was close to the edge of the plateau of the graveyard; and the gig lamp had been propped, the better to illuminate their labours, against a tree, and on the immediate verge of the steep bank descending to the stream. Chance had taken a sure aim with the stone. Then came a clang of broken glass; night fell upon them; sounds alternately dull and ringing announced the bounding of the lantern down the bank, and its occasional collision with the trees. A stone or two, which it had dislodged in its descent, rattled behind it into the profundities of the glen; and then silence, like night, resumed its sway; and they might bend their hearing to its utmost pitch, but naught was to be heard except the rain, now marching to the wind, now steadily falling over miles of open country.
They were both experienced in these matters and skilled with the shovel; it had barely been twenty minutes into their work when they heard a dull clatter on the coffin lid. At the same moment, Macfarlane, having injured his hand on a stone, tossed it carelessly over his head. The grave, where they now stood almost up to their shoulders, was close to the edge of the plateau of the graveyard. To better light their work, the gig lamp had been propped against a tree near the steep bank that dropped down to the stream. By chance, the stone landed perfectly. Then there was a sound of breaking glass; darkness enveloped them, and dull and ringing sounds marked the lantern tumbling down the bank, occasionally crashing into the trees. A couple of stones it had knocked loose tumbled after it into the depths of the glen; then silence, like the night, took over again. They strained to hear, but all they could make out was the rain, now swirling with the wind, now steadily falling over miles of open land.
They were so nearly at an end of their abhorred task that they judged it wisest to complete it in the dark. The coffin was exhumed and broken open; the body inserted in the dripping sack and carried between them to the gig; one mounted to keep it in its place, and the other, taking the horse by the mouth, groped along by wall and bush until they reached the wider road by the Fisher’s Tryst. Here was a faint, diffused radiancy, which they hailed like daylight; by that they pushed the horse to a good pace and began to rattle along merrily in the direction of the town.
They were so close to finishing their dreaded task that they thought it best to get it done in the dark. The coffin was dug up and pried open; they put the body into the dripping sack and carried it between them to the cart. One of them climbed in to hold it steady, while the other, guiding the horse by the reins, felt his way along the wall and bushes until they reached the wider road by Fisher’s Tryst. Here, there was a faint glow that they welcomed like daylight; with that, they urged the horse to a good speed and started to clatter merrily along toward the town.
They had both been wetted to the skin during their operations, and now, as the gig jumped among the deep ruts, the thing that stood propped between them fell now upon one and now upon the other. At every repetition of the horrid contact each instinctively repelled it with the greater haste; and the process, natural although it was, began to tell upon the nerves of the companions. Macfarlane made some ill-favoured jest about the farmer’s wife, but it came hollowly from his lips, and was allowed to drop in silence. Still their unnatural burden bumped from side to side; and now the head would be laid, as if in confidence, upon their shoulders, and now the drenching sack-cloth would flap icily about their faces. A creeping chill began to possess the soul of Fettes. He peered at the bundle, and it seemed somehow larger than at first. All over the country-side, and from every degree of distance, the farm dogs accompanied their passage with tragic ululations; and it grew and grew upon his mind that some unnatural miracle had been accomplished, that some nameless change had befallen the dead body, and that it was in fear of their unholy burden that the dogs were howling.
They had both gotten soaked to the skin during their work, and now, as the boat bumped along the deep ruts, the thing propped between them kept falling onto one and then the other. With each horrible contact, they instinctively pushed it away faster, and although it was a natural reaction, it started to wear on their nerves. Macfarlane made a crude joke about the farmer’s wife, but it fell flat and was met with silence. Still, their unnatural burden bounced from side to side; sometimes the head would rest on their shoulders as if sharing a secret, and other times the drenched sackcloth would flap coldly against their faces. A creeping chill began to take hold of Fettes. He glanced at the bundle, and it seemed somehow bigger than before. All around the countryside, farm dogs mournfully howled in response to their passing, and it increasingly dawned on him that some unnatural miracle had occurred, that some unknown change had affected the dead body, and that it was this unholy burden that had sent the dogs into a frenzy.
‘For God’s sake,’ said he, making a great effort to arrive at speech, ‘for God’s sake, let’s have a light!’
‘For God’s sake,’ he said, straining to speak, ‘for God’s sake, let’s get a light!’
Seemingly Macfarlane was affected in the same direction; for, though he made no reply, he stopped the horse, passed the reins to his companion, got down, and proceeded to kindle the remaining lamp. They had by that time got no farther than the cross-road down to Auchenclinny. The rain still poured as though the deluge were returning, and it was no easy matter to make a light in such a world of wet and darkness. When at last the flickering blue flame had been transferred to the wick and began to expand and clarify, and shed a wide circle of misty brightness round the gig, it became possible for the two young men to see each other and the thing they had along with them. The rain had moulded the rough sacking to the outlines of the body underneath; the head was distinct from the trunk, the shoulders plainly modelled; something at once spectral and human riveted their eyes upon the ghastly comrade of their drive.
Seemingly, Macfarlane was impacted in the same way; for, even though he didn’t say anything, he stopped the horse, handed the reins to his companion, got down, and began to light the remaining lamp. By that time, they hadn't gotten any further than the crossroad down to Auchenclinny. The rain still poured as if the flood were coming back, and it was no simple task to get a light in such a wet and dark environment. When the flickering blue flame was finally transferred to the wick and started to grow and brighten, casting a wide circle of misty light around the gig, it became possible for the two young men to see each other and what they had with them. The rain had shaped the rough sacking to the contours of the body underneath; the head was separate from the trunk, the shoulders clearly defined; something both ghostly and human held their gaze on the horrifying figure they were transporting.
For some time Macfarlane stood motionless, holding up the lamp. A nameless dread was swathed, like a wet sheet, about the body, and tightened the white skin upon the face of Fettes; a fear that was meaningless, a horror of what could not be, kept mounting to his brain. Another beat of the watch, and he had spoken. But his comrade forestalled him.
For a while, Macfarlane stood still, holding the lamp up. A vague sense of dread wrapped around him like a damp sheet, tightening the pale skin on Fettes' face; a fear that made no sense, a terror of the impossible, kept rising to his mind. With another tick of the watch, he was about to speak. But his partner spoke first.
‘That is not a woman,’ said Macfarlane, in a hushed voice.
‘That is not a woman,’ said Macfarlane, in a quiet voice.
‘It was a woman when we put her in,’ whispered Fettes.
‘It was a woman when we put her in,’ whispered Fettes.
‘Hold that lamp,’ said the other. ‘I must see her face.’
‘Hold that lamp,’ said the other. ‘I need to see her face.’
And as Fettes took the lamp his companion untied the fastenings of the sack and drew down the cover from the head. The light fell very clear upon the dark, well-moulded features and smooth-shaven cheeks of a too familiar countenance, often beheld in dreams of both of these young men. A wild yell rang up into the night; each leaped from his own side into the roadway: the lamp fell, broke, and was extinguished; and the horse, terrified by this unusual commotion, bounded and went off toward Edinburgh at a gallop, bearing along with it, sole occupant of the gig, the body of the dead and long-dissected Gray.
And as Fettes grabbed the lamp, his companion untied the sack and pulled down the cover from the head. The light illuminated the dark, well-defined features and smooth-shaven cheeks of a face both of these young men knew all too well from their dreams. A wild scream echoed into the night; each of them jumped into the road from their respective sides: the lamp fell, shattered, and went out; and the horse, spooked by the sudden commotion, bolted off toward Edinburgh at a gallop, carrying with it the lifeless body of the long-dissected Gray, the only occupant of the gig.
THE STORY OF A LIE
p. 145CHAPTER I—INTRODUCES THE ADMIRAL
When Dick Naseby was in Paris he made some odd acquaintances; for he was one of those who have ears to hear, and can use their eyes no less than their intelligence. He made as many thoughts as Stuart Mill; but his philosophy concerned flesh and blood, and was experimental as to its method. He was a type-hunter among mankind. He despised small game and insignificant personalities, whether in the shape of dukes or bagmen, letting them go by like sea-weed; but show him a refined or powerful face, let him hear a plangent or a penetrating voice, fish for him with a living look in some one’s eye, a passionate gesture, a meaning and ambiguous smile, and his mind was instantaneously awakened. ‘There was a man, there was a woman,’ he seemed to say, and he stood up to the task of comprehension with the delight of an artist in his art.
When Dick Naseby was in Paris, he made some unusual friends; he was one of those people who can really listen and are just as good at seeing as they are at thinking. He had as many ideas as Stuart Mill, but his philosophy was all about real life and was experimental in its approach. He was a collector of unique people. He ignored small talk and insignificant characters, whether they were dukes or petty tradesmen, letting them pass by like seaweed; but show him a refined or powerful face, let him hear an emotionally charged or compelling voice, draw him in with a lively look in someone’s eye, a passionate gesture, or a meaningful, ambiguous smile, and his mind would come alive instantly. ‘There was a man, there was a woman,’ he seemed to say, and he embraced the challenge of understanding with the enthusiasm of an artist engaged in his craft.
And indeed, rightly considered, this interest of his was an artistic interest. There is no science in the personal study of human nature. All comprehension is creation; the woman I love is somewhat of my handiwork; and the great lover, like the great painter, is he that can so embellish his subject as to make her more than human, whilst yet by a cunning art he has so based his apotheosis on the nature of the case that the woman can go on being a true woman, and give her character free play, and show littleness, or cherish spite, or be greedy of common pleasures, and he continue to worship without a thought of incongruity. To love a character is only the heroic way of understanding it. When we love, by some noble method of our own or some nobility of mien or nature in the other, we apprehend the loved one by what is noblest in ourselves. When we are merely studying an eccentricity, the method of our study is but a series of allowances. To begin to understand is to begin to sympathise; for comprehension comes only when we have stated another’s faults and virtues in terms of our own. Hence the proverbial toleration of artists for their own evil creations. Hence, too, it came about that Dick Naseby, a high-minded creature, and as scrupulous and brave a gentleman as you would want to meet, held in a sort of affection the various human creeping things whom he had met and studied.
And really, when you think about it, his interest was an artistic one. There’s no science in studying human nature personally. All understanding involves creativity; the woman I love is somewhat of my creation. A great lover, just like a great artist, can enhance his subject to make her seem more than human, while skillfully ensuring that this idealization is grounded in reality so that the woman remains authentically herself, able to show flaws, hold grudges, or enjoy simple pleasures, and he can still admire her without any sense of inconsistency. Loving a character is just a heroic way of understanding it. When we love, either through our own nobility or through something noble in the other person, we grasp the one we love through the best parts of ourselves. When we’re just examining someone’s quirks, our approach becomes a series of excuses. To start understanding is to start empathizing; true comprehension comes only when we describe another’s faults and virtues in terms we recognize in ourselves. This explains the well-known tolerance artists have for their own flawed creations. It’s also why Dick Naseby, an honorable person and as meticulous and courageous a gentleman as you could hope to meet, had a sort of affection for the various flawed individuals he had encountered and studied.
One of these was Mr. Peter Van Tromp, an English-speaking, two-legged animal of the international genus, and by profession of general and more than equivocal utility. Years before he had been a painter of some standing in a colony, and portraits signed ‘Van Tromp’ had celebrated the greatness of colonial governors and judges. In those days he had been married, and driven his wife and infant daughter in a pony trap. What were the steps of his declension? No one exactly knew. Here he was at least, and had been any time these past ten years, a sort of dismal parasite upon the foreigner in Paris.
One of these was Mr. Peter Van Tromp, an English-speaking, two-legged creature of the international kind, known for his general and somewhat questionable usefulness. Years ago, he had been a well-regarded painter in a colony, and portraits bearing the signature ‘Van Tromp’ had honored the prominence of colonial governors and judges. Back then, he was married and would drive his wife and infant daughter in a pony cart. What led to his downfall? No one really knew. Here he was, at least, and had been for the last ten years, a sort of miserable leech on the foreigners in Paris.
It would be hazardous to specify his exact industry. Coarsely followed, it would have merited a name grown somewhat unfamiliar to our ears. Followed as he followed it, with a skilful reticence, in a kind of social chiaroscuro, it was still possible for the polite to call him a professional painter. His lair was in the Grand Hotel and the gaudiest cafés. There he might be seen jotting off a sketch with an air of some inspiration; and he was always affable, and one of the easiest of men to fall in talk withal. A conversation usually ripened into a peculiar sort of intimacy, and it was extraordinary how many little services Van Tromp contrived to render in the course of six-and-thirty hours. He occupied a position between a friend and a courier, which made him worse than embarrassing to repay. But those whom he obliged could always buy one of his villainous little pictures, or, where the favours had been prolonged and more than usually delicate, might order and pay for a large canvas, with perfect certainty that they would hear no more of the transaction.
It would be risky to pinpoint his exact profession. If you tracked him closely, he would deserve a title that sounds a bit strange to us now. Given how he operated, with a skillful hint of mystery, in a sort of social light and shadow, polite company could still call him a professional painter. He made his home in the Grand Hotel and the flashiest cafes. There, you could catch him sketching with an air of inspiration; he was always friendly and one of the easiest people to chat with. Conversations often led to a unique kind of closeness, and it was remarkable how many small favors Van Tromp managed to accomplish in just thirty-six hours. He existed in a space between a friend and a messenger, which made it awkward to repay him. But those he helped could always buy one of his awful little paintings, or, if the favors were extended and particularly thoughtful, might commission and pay for a large canvas, confident that they would never have to think about the transaction again.
Among resident artists he enjoyed celebrity of a non-professional sort. He had spent more money—no less than three individual fortunes, it was whispered—than any of his associates could ever hope to gain. Apart from his colonial career, he had been to Greece in a brigantine with four brass carronades; he had travelled Europe in a chaise and four, drawing bridle at the palace-doors of German princes; queens of song and dance had followed him like sheep and paid his tailor’s bills. And to behold him now, seeking small loans with plaintive condescension, sponging for breakfast on an art-student of nineteen, a fallen Don Juan who had neglected to die at the propitious hour, had a colour of romance for young imaginations. His name and his bright past, seen through the prism of whispered gossip, had gained him the nickname of The Admiral.
Among the resident artists, he was something of a celebrity, though not in a professional way. It was rumored that he had spent more money—no less than three separate fortunes—than any of his associates could ever hope to accumulate. Besides his colonial career, he had traveled to Greece on a brigantine with four brass cannons; he had toured Europe in a carriage and four, stopping at the doors of German princes; singing and dancing queens had followed him like groupies and covered his tailor bills. And to see him now, begging for small loans with a pathetic charm, relying on a nineteen-year-old art student for breakfast, a once-great Don Juan who had failed to die at the right moment, added an air of romance for the young and impressionable. His name and bright past, viewed through the lens of whispered gossip, earned him the nickname of The Admiral.
Dick found him one day at the receipt of custom, rapidly painting a pair of hens and a cock in a little water-colour sketching box, and now and then glancing at the ceiling like a man who should seek inspiration from the muse. Dick thought it remarkable that a painter should choose to work over an absinthe in a public café, and looked the man over. The aged rakishness of his appearance was set off by a youthful costume; he had disreputable grey hair and a disreputable sore, red nose; but the coat and the gesture, the outworks of the man, were still designed for show. Dick came up to his table and inquired if he might look at what the gentleman was doing. No one was so delighted as the Admiral.
Dick found him one day at the customs office, quickly painting a pair of hens and a rooster in a small watercolor sketchbook, occasionally glancing at the ceiling like someone looking for inspiration. Dick thought it was odd that a painter would choose to work over an absinthe in a public café, and he gave the man a once-over. The old rakish look of his appearance was contrasted by a youthful outfit; he had disreputable gray hair and a shabby, red nose. But the coat and the way he carried himself—the exterior—still aimed for attention. Dick approached his table and asked if he could see what the guy was working on. No one was as pleased as the Admiral.
‘A bit of a thing,’ said he. ‘I just dash them off like that. I—I dash them off,’ he added with a gesture.
‘Just a little something,’ he said. ‘I just whip them up like that. I—I whip them up,’ he added with a gesture.
‘Quite so,’ said Dick, who was appalled by the feebleness of the production.
"Exactly," said Dick, who was shocked by how weak the performance was.
‘Understand me,’ continued Van Tromp; ‘I am a man of the world. And yet—once an artist always an artist. All of a sudden a thought takes me in the street; I become its prey: it’s like a pretty woman; no use to struggle; I must—dash it off.’
‘Understand me,’ Van Tromp continued; ‘I’m a worldly man. And yet—once an artist, always an artist. Suddenly, a thought strikes me in the street; I become its captive: it’s like a beautiful woman; no point in fighting it; I have to—just get it out there.’
‘I see,’ said Dick.
“I get it,” said Dick.
‘Yes,’ pursued the painter; ‘it all comes easily, easily to me; it is not my business; it’s a pleasure. Life is my business—life—this great city, Paris—Paris after dark—its lights, its gardens, its odd corners. Aha!’ he cried, ‘to be young again! The heart is young, but the heels are leaden. A poor, mean business, to grow old! Nothing remains but the coup d’œil, the contemplative man’s enjoyment, Mr. —,’ and he paused for the name.
"Yes," the painter continued, "it all comes easily to me; it’s not work, it’s a pleasure. Life is my work—life—this amazing city, Paris—Paris at night—its lights, its parks, its hidden spots. Aha!" he exclaimed, "to be young again! The heart is youthful, but my legs feel heavy. What a miserable thing it is to grow old! All that’s left is the coup d’œil, the delight of the contemplative person, Mr.—," and he paused for the name.
‘Naseby,’ returned Dick.
"Naseby," replied Dick.
The other treated him at once to an exciting beverage, and expatiated on the pleasure of meeting a compatriot in a foreign land; to hear him, you would have thought they had encountered in Central Africa. Dick had never found any one take a fancy to him so readily, nor show it in an easier or less offensive manner. He seemed tickled with him as an elderly fellow about town might be tickled by a pleasant and witty lad; he indicated that he was no precision, but in his wildest times had never been such a blade as he thought Dick. Dick protested, but in vain. This manner of carrying an intimacy at the bayonet’s point was Van Tromp’s stock-in-trade. With an older man he insinuated himself; with youth he imposed himself, and in the same breath imposed an ideal on his victim, who saw that he must work up to it or lose the esteem of this old and vicious patron. And what young man can bear to lose a character for vice?
The other immediately treated him to an exciting drink and went on about the pleasure of meeting a fellow countryman in a foreign land; if you listened to him, you’d think they had met in Central Africa. Dick had never met anyone who took a liking to him so quickly or showed it in such a comfortable, non-offensive way. The guy seemed to enjoy Dick like an older guy in town might enjoy a fun and witty young man; he suggested he was no straight-laced type, but even in his wildest days, he had never been the kind of guy he thought Dick was. Dick protested, but it was useless. This way of forcing intimacy was Van Tromp’s specialty. With older men, he ingratiated himself; with young ones, he imposed himself, and at the same time, he set an ideal for his target, making them feel they had to measure up to it or risk losing the respect of this old and corrupt mentor. And what young man can stand to lose their reputation for being bad?
At last, as it grew towards dinner-time, ‘Do you know Paris?’ asked Van Tromp.
At last, as it got closer to dinner time, 'Do you know Paris?' asked Van Tromp.
‘Not so well as you, I am convinced,’ said Dick.
'Not as well as you, I'm sure,' Dick said.
‘And so am I,’ returned Van Tromp gaily. ‘Paris! My young friend—you will allow me?—when you know Paris as I do, you will have seen Strange Things. I say no more; all I say is, Strange Things. We are men of the world, you and I, and in Paris, in the heart of civilised existence. This is an opportunity, Mr. Naseby. Let us dine. Let me show you where to dine.’
‘And so am I,’ Van Tromp replied cheerfully. ‘Paris! My young friend—you don’t mind if I say this?—once you know Paris like I do, you’ll have witnessed strange things. I won’t say more; just strange things. We’re worldly people, you and I, and in Paris, at the center of civilization. This is a chance, Mr. Naseby. Let’s have dinner. Let me show you a great place to eat.’
Dick consented. On the way to dinner the Admiral showed him where to buy gloves, and made him buy them; where to buy cigars, and made him buy a vast store, some of which he obligingly accepted. At the restaurant he showed him what to order, with surprising consequences in the bill. What he made that night by his percentages it would be hard to estimate. And all the while Dick smilingly consented, understanding well that he was being done, but taking his losses in the pursuit of character as a hunter sacrifices his dogs. As for the Strange Things, the reader will be relieved to hear that they were no stranger than might have been expected, and he may find things quite as strange without the expense of a Van Tromp for guide. Yet he was a guide of no mean order, who made up for the poverty of what he had to show by a copious, imaginative commentary.
Dick agreed. On the way to dinner, the Admiral showed him where to buy gloves and insisted he buy them; then he took him to get cigars, making him buy a huge supply, some of which he gladly accepted. At the restaurant, he advised him on what to order, leading to some surprising additions to the bill. It would be hard to estimate how much he made that night from his percentages. All the while, Dick smiled and went along with it, fully aware that he was being taken advantage of, but he accepted his losses as a hunter does with his dogs in the name of character building. As for the Strange Things, readers will be relieved to know they were no stranger than one might expect, and you can find things just as strange without the added cost of a Van Tromp as your guide. Still, he was quite a competent guide who compensated for the lack of impressive sights with plenty of rich, imaginative commentary.
‘And such,’ said he, with a hiccup, ‘such is Paris.’
‘And that,’ he said with a hiccup, ‘is Paris.’
‘Pooh!’ said Dick, who was tired of the performance.
‘Pooh!’ said Dick, who was fed up with the show.
The Admiral hung an ear, and looked up sidelong with a glimmer of suspicion.
The Admiral listened in and glanced sideways with a hint of suspicion.
‘Good night,’ said Dick; ‘I’m tired.’
'Good night,' said Dick; 'I'm tired.'
‘So English!’ cried Van Tromp, clutching him by the hand. ‘So English! So blasé! Such a charming companion! Let me see you home.’
‘So English!’ cried Van Tromp, gripping him by the hand. ‘So English! So blasé! Such a delightful companion! Let me walk you home.’
‘Look here,’ returned Dick, ‘I have said good night, and now I’m going. You’re an amusing old boy: I like you, in a sense; but here’s an end of it for to-night. Not another cigar, not another grog, not another percentage out of me.’
‘Look here,’ replied Dick, ‘I’ve said good night, and now I’m leaving. You’re a funny old guy: I like you, in a way; but this is it for tonight. No more cigars, no more drinks, and no more percentage from me.’
‘I beg your pardon!’ cried the Admiral with dignity.
"I beg your pardon!" the Admiral exclaimed with dignity.
‘Tut, man!’ said Dick; ‘you’re not offended; you’re a man of the world, I thought. I’ve been studying you, and it’s over. Have I not paid for the lesson? Au revoir.’
‘Come on, man!’ said Dick; ‘you’re not upset; you’re worldly, or at least I thought so. I’ve been watching you, and it’s done. Have I not paid for the lesson? See you later.’
Van Tromp laughed gaily, shook hands up to the elbows, hoped cordially they would meet again and that often, but looked after Dick as he departed with a tremor of indignation. After that they two not unfrequently fell in each other’s way, and Dick would often treat the old boy to breakfast on a moderate scale and in a restaurant of his own selection. Often, too, he would lend Van Tromp the matter of a pound, in view of that gentleman’s contemplated departure for Australia; there would be a scene of farewell almost touching in character, and a week or a month later they would meet on the same boulevard without surprise or embarrassment. And in the meantime Dick learned more about his acquaintance on all sides: heard of his yacht, his chaise and four, his brief season of celebrity amid a more confiding population, his daughter, of whom he loved to whimper in his cups, his sponging, parasitical, nameless way of life; and with each new detail something that was not merely interest nor yet altogether affection grew up in his mind towards this disreputable stepson of the arts. Ere he left Paris Van Tromp was one of those whom he entertained to a farewell supper; and the old gentleman made the speech of the evening, and then fell below the table, weeping, smiling, paralysed.
Van Tromp laughed joyfully, shook hands warmly, and sincerely hoped they would meet again, often. However, he watched Dick leave with a hint of anger. After that, they often crossed paths, and Dick would frequently treat the old man to a modest breakfast at a restaurant of his choice. He would also lend Van Tromp a pound, considering the gentleman's planned departure to Australia; there would be a farewell scene that was almost touching, and a week or a month later, they would run into each other on the same street without any surprise or awkwardness. In the meantime, Dick learned more about his acquaintance: he heard about his yacht, his fancy carriage, his brief moment of fame among a more trusting crowd, his daughter, whom he loved to lament about when drinking, and his sponging, parasitic, nameless lifestyle. With each new detail, something that was more than mere interest or complete affection grew in his mind toward this disreputable stepchild of the arts. Before leaving Paris, Dick invited Van Tromp to a farewell dinner, where the old man gave the speech of the evening and then collapsed under the table, crying, smiling, and paralyzed.
p. 154CHAPTER II—A LETTER TO THE PAPERS
Old Mr. Naseby had the sturdy, untutored nature of the upper middle class. The universe seemed plain to him. ‘The thing’s right,’ he would say, or ‘the thing’s wrong’; and there was an end of it. There was a contained, prophetic energy in his utterances, even on the slightest affairs; he saw the damned thing; if you did not, it must be from perversity of will; and this sent the blood to his head. Apart from this, which made him an exacting companion, he was one of the most upright, hot-tempered, hot-headed old gentlemen in England. Florid, with white hair, the face of an old Jupiter, and the figure of an old fox-hunter, he enlivened the vale of Thyme from end to end on his big, cantering chestnut.
Outdated Mr. Naseby had the strong, unrefined nature of the upper middle class. The world seemed simple to him. “That’s right,” he would say, or “that’s wrong”; and that was the end of it. There was a focused, prophetic energy in his words, even on the smallest matters; he saw the issue clearly; if you didn’t, it must be due to stubbornness; and this would make him irate. Besides this, which made him a challenging companion, he was one of the most principled, hot-tempered, and impulsive old gentlemen in England. With a florid complexion, white hair, a face like an old Jupiter, and the build of an old fox-hunter, he brought life to the vale of Thyme from one end to the other on his big, galloping chestnut horse.
He had a hearty respect for Dick as a lad of parts. Dick had a respect for his father as the best of men, tempered by the politic revolt of a youth who has to see to his own independence. Whenever the pair argued, they came to an open rupture; and arguments were frequent, for they were both positive, and both loved the work of the intelligence. It was a treat to hear Mr. Naseby defending the Church of England in a volley of oaths, or supporting ascetic morals with an enthusiasm not entirely innocent of port wine. Dick used to wax indignant, and none the less so because, as his father was a skilful disputant, he found himself not seldom in the wrong. On these occasions, he would redouble in energy, and declare that black was white, and blue yellow, with much conviction and heat of manner; but in the morning such a licence of debate weighed upon him like a crime, and he would seek out his father, where he walked before breakfast on a terrace overlooking all the vale of Thyme.
He had a deep respect for Dick as a talented young man. Dick, in turn, respected his father as the best of men, but that respect was mixed with the natural rebellion of a youth striving for independence. Whenever they argued, it often led to a serious clash; and since they were both strong-willed and loved intellectual debates, arguments were common. It was a sight to behold Mr. Naseby passionately defending the Church of England with a flurry of curses, or advocating for strict morals with a zeal that wasn’t entirely free of port wine. Dick would get fired up, especially because, due to his father’s skill in debate, he often found himself on the losing side. In those moments, he would intensify his efforts, insisting that black was white and blue was yellow, with plenty of conviction and emotion. However, by morning, that kind of debate felt like a sin weighing heavily on him, and he would seek out his father, who would be taking a walk on a terrace overlooking the entire vale of Thyme before breakfast.
‘I have to apologise, sir, for last night—’ he would begin.
‘I have to apologize, sir, for last night—’ he would begin.
‘Of course you have,’ the old gentleman would cut in cheerfully. ‘You spoke like a fool. Say no more about it.’
‘Of course you have,’ the old gentleman would interrupt cheerfully. ‘You talked nonsense. Let’s not discuss it anymore.’
‘You do not understand me, sir. I refer to a particular point. I confess there is much force in your argument from the doctrine of possibilities.’
'You don't understand me, sir. I'm talking about a specific point. I admit there's a lot of strength in your argument based on the doctrine of possibilities.'
‘Of course there is,’ returned his father. ‘Come down and look at the stables. Only,’ he would add, ‘bear this in mind, and do remember that a man of my age and experience knows more about what he is saying than a raw boy.’
‘Of course there is,’ his father replied. ‘Come down and check out the stables. Just remember this, and keep in mind that a man of my age and experience knows more about what he’s talking about than a newbie.’
He would utter the word ‘boy’ even more offensively than the average of fathers, and the light way in which he accepted these apologies cut Richard to the heart. The latter drew slighting comparisons, and remembered that he was the only one who ever apologised. This gave him a high station in his own esteem, and thus contributed indirectly to his better behaviour; for he was scrupulous as well as high-spirited, and prided himself on nothing more than on a just submission.
He would say the word ‘boy’ in a more insulting way than most fathers, and the casual way he accepted these apologies hurt Richard deeply. Richard made dismissive comparisons and remembered that he was the only one who ever apologized. This made him feel proud of himself and indirectly led to his better behavior; he was both principled and spirited, and took pride in nothing more than being fair and humble.
So things went on until the famous occasion when Mr. Naseby, becoming engrossed in securing the election of a sound party candidate to Parliament, wrote a flaming letter to the papers. The letter had about every demerit of party letters in general; it was expressed with the energy of a believer; it was personal; it was a little more than half unfair, and about a quarter untrue. The old man did not mean to say what was untrue, you may be sure; but he had rashly picked up gossip, as his prejudice suggested, and now rashly launched it on the public with the sanction of his name.
So things went on until the well-known incident when Mr. Naseby, getting caught up in promoting a solid party candidate for Parliament, wrote an impassioned letter to the newspapers. The letter had every flaw typical of party letters; it was filled with the zeal of a true believer, it was personal, it was slightly more than half unfair, and about a quarter false. The old man didn’t intend to say anything untrue, that’s for sure; but he had carelessly picked up rumors, influenced by his biases, and now he carelessly released them to the public under his name.
‘The Liberal candidate,’ he concluded, ‘is thus a public turncoat. Is that the sort of man we want? He has been given the lie, and has swallowed the insult. Is that the sort of man we want? I answer No! With all the force of my conviction, I answer, No!’
‘The Liberal candidate,’ he concluded, ‘is a public traitor. Is that the kind of person we want? He’s been lied to and has accepted the insult. Is that the kind of person we want? I say No! With all the strength of my belief, I say, No!’
And then he signed and dated the letter with an amateur’s pride, and looked to be famous by the morrow.
And then he signed and dated the letter with a beginner's pride, expecting to be famous by the next day.
Dick, who had heard nothing of the matter, was up first on that inauspicious day, and took the journal to an arbour in the garden. He found his father’s manifesto in one column; and in another a leading article. ‘No one that we are aware of,’ ran the article, ‘had consulted Mr. Naseby on the subject, but if he had been appealed to by the whole body of electors, his letter would be none the less ungenerous and unjust to Mr. Dalton. We do not choose to give the lie to Mr. Naseby, for we are too well aware of the consequences; but we shall venture instead to print the facts of both cases referred to by this red-hot partisan in another portion of our issue. Mr. Naseby is of course a large proprietor in our neighbourhood; but fidelity to facts, decent feeling, and English grammar, are all of them qualities more important than the possession of land. Mr. — is doubtless a great man; in his large gardens and that half-mile of greenhouses, where he has probably ripened his intellect and temper, he may say what he will to his hired vassals, but (as the Scotch say)—
Dick, who hadn’t heard anything about the situation, was up first that unlucky day and took the journal to a shelter in the garden. He found his father’s manifesto in one column and a leading article in another. “No one that we know of,” the article said, “has consulted Mr. Naseby on this topic, but if he had been approached by the entire electorate, his letter would still be unkind and unfair to Mr. Dalton. We don’t want to contradict Mr. Naseby, as we’re well aware of the repercussions; however, we will instead print the facts about both cases mentioned by this overly eager supporter in another part of our issue. Mr. Naseby is, of course, a major landowner in our area; but loyalty to the truth, basic decency, and good grammar are all qualities that matter more than owning land. Mr. — is undoubtedly an influential person; in his vast gardens and that half-mile of greenhouses, where he has likely cultivated his intellect and temper, he can say whatever he wants to his hired help, but (as the Scots say)—
here
He mauna think to domineer.here
He wants to dominate.
‘Liberalism,’ continued the anonymous journalist, ‘is of too free and sound a growth,’ etc.
‘Liberalism,’ continued the anonymous journalist, ‘is growing too freely and robustly,’ etc.
Richard Naseby read the whole thing from beginning to end; and a crushing shame fell upon his spirit. His father had played the fool; he had gone out noisily to war, and come back with confusion. The moment that his trumpets sounded, he had been disgracefully unhorsed. There was no question as to the facts; they were one and all against the Squire. Richard would have given his ears to have suppressed the issue; but as that could not be done, he had his horse saddled, and furnishing himself with a convenient staff, rode off at once to Thymebury.
Richard Naseby read the entire thing from start to finish, and a crushing shame washed over him. His father had acted like a fool; he had gone to war in a grand way and returned in disgrace. The moment his trumpets sounded, he had been embarrassingly unhorsed. There was no doubt about the facts; they were all against the Squire. Richard would’ve given anything to have silenced the matter; but since that wasn’t possible, he had his horse saddled and, grabbing a handy stick, rode off immediately to Thymebury.
The editor was at breakfast in a large, sad apartment. The absence of furniture, the extreme meanness of the meal, and the haggard, bright-eyed, consumptive look of the culprit, unmanned our hero; but he clung to his stick, and was stout and warlike.
The editor was having breakfast in a big, gloomy apartment. The lack of furniture, the meager meal, and the gaunt, bright-eyed, sickly appearance of the person in trouble made our hero feel vulnerable; but he held onto his stick and stayed strong and ready to fight.
‘You wrote the article in this morning’s paper?’ he demanded.
“You wrote the article in this morning's paper?” he asked.
‘You are young Mr. Naseby? I published it,’ replied the editor, rising.
‘You’re young Mr. Naseby? I published it,’ replied the editor, standing up.
‘My father is an old man,’ said Richard; and then with an outburst, ‘And a damned sight finer fellow than either you or Dalton!’ He stopped and swallowed; he was determined that all should go with regularity. ‘I have but one question to put to you, sir,’ he resumed. ‘Granted that my father was misinformed, would it not have been more decent to withhold the letter and communicate with him in private?’
‘My dad is an old man,’ Richard said, and then with a burst of emotion, ‘And way better than either you or Dalton!’ He paused and swallowed; he was determined to keep things orderly. ‘I have just one question for you, sir,’ he continued. ‘Even if my dad was misled, wouldn’t it have been more respectful to hold back the letter and talk to him privately?’
‘Believe me,’ returned the editor, ‘that alternative was not open to me. Mr. Naseby told me in a note that he had sent his letter to three other journals, and in fact threatened me with what he called exposure if I kept it back from mine. I am really concerned at what has happened; I sympathise and approve of your emotion, young gentleman; but the attack on Mr. Dalton was gross, very gross, and I had no choice but to offer him my columns to reply. Party has its duties, sir,’ added the scribe, kindling, as one who should propose a sentiment; ‘and the attack was gross.’
“Believe me,” the editor replied, “I didn’t have that option. Mr. Naseby informed me in a note that he had sent his letter to three other publications and even threatened me with what he called exposure if I didn’t publish it in mine. I’m genuinely worried about what’s happened; I understand and support your feelings, young man; but the attack on Mr. Dalton was outrageous, very outrageous, and I had no choice but to give him my columns to respond. Party has its responsibilities, sir,” the writer added, getting fired up as if proposing a toast; “and the attack was outrageous.”
Richard stood for half a minute digesting the answer; and then the god of fair play came upper-most in his heart, and murmuring ‘Good morning,’ he made his escape into the street.
Richard paused for about thirty seconds, processing the answer; then the sense of fairness took over in his heart, and softly saying, ‘Good morning,’ he slipped out into the street.
His horse was not hurried on the way home, and he was late for breakfast. The Squire was standing with his back to the fire in a state bordering on apoplexy, his fingers violently knitted under his coat tails. As Richard came in, he opened and shut his mouth like a cod-fish, and his eyes protruded.
His horse wasn’t rushed on the way home, and he arrived late for breakfast. The Squire was standing with his back to the fire, nearly having a fit, his fingers tightly intertwined under his coat tails. As Richard walked in, he was opening and closing his mouth like a fish out of water, and his eyes were bulging.
‘Have you seen that, sir?’ he cried, nodding towards the paper.
“Have you seen that, sir?” he exclaimed, pointing at the paper.
‘Yes, sir,’ said Richard.
"Yes, sir," Richard replied.
‘Oh, you’ve read it, have you?’
"Oh, you've seen it, huh?"
‘Yes, I have read it,’ replied Richard, looking at his foot.
‘Yeah, I’ve read it,’ Richard said, staring at his foot.
‘Well,’ demanded the old gentleman, ‘and what have you to say to it, sir?’
‘Well,’ asked the old gentleman, ‘what do you have to say about it, sir?’
‘You seem to have been misinformed,’ said Dick.
"You seem to have the wrong information," said Dick.
‘Well? What then? Is your mind so sterile, sir? Have you not a word of comment? no proposal?’
'Well? What now? Is your mind that empty, sir? Don't you have a single word to say? No suggestions?'
‘I fear, sir, you must apologise to Mr. Dalton. It would be more handsome, indeed it would be only just, and a free acknowledgment would go far—’ Richard paused, no language appearing delicate enough to suit the case.
‘I’m afraid, sir, you need to apologize to Mr. Dalton. It would be more gracious, in fact, it would be the right thing to do, and a sincere acknowledgment would mean a lot—’ Richard paused, no words seeming suitable for the situation.
‘That is a suggestion which should have come from me, sir,’ roared the father. ‘It is out of place upon your lips. It is not the thought of a loyal son. Why, sir, if my father had been plunged in such deplorable circumstances, I should have thrashed the editor of that vile sheet within an inch of his life. I should have thrashed the man, sir. It would have been the action of an ass; but it would have shown that I had the blood and the natural affections of a man. Son? You are no son, no son of mine, sir!’
"That suggestion should have come from me, sir," the father shouted. "It's inappropriate coming from you. It doesn’t reflect the thoughts of a loyal son. Honestly, if my father had been in such awful circumstances, I would have beaten the editor of that disgusting publication within an inch of his life. I would have taken him down, sir. It might have been a foolish thing to do, but it would have shown that I have the blood and natural feelings of a man. Son? You're not a son, not my son, sir!"
‘Sir!’ said Dick.
"Sir!" said Dick.
‘I’ll tell you what you are, sir,’ pursued the Squire. ‘You’re a Benthamite. I disown you. Your mother would have died for shame; there was no modern cant about your mother; she thought—she said to me, sir—I’m glad she’s in her grave, Dick Naseby. Misinformed! Misinformed, sir? Have you no loyalty, no spring, no natural affections? Are you clockwork, hey? Away! This is no place for you. Away!’ (waving his hands in the air). ‘Go away! Leave me!’
"I'll tell you what you are, sir," the Squire continued. "You're a Benthamite. I reject you. Your mother would have died of shame; she had no modern nonsense in her. She believed—she told me, sir—I'm glad she's gone, Dick Naseby. Misinformed? Misinformed, sir? Do you have no loyalty, no spirit, no natural feelings? Are you just a machine, huh? Get out! This isn't the place for you. Get out!" (waving his hands in the air). "Go away! Leave me!"
At this moment Dick beat a retreat in a disarray of nerves, a whistling and clamour of his own arteries, and in short in such a final bodily disorder as made him alike incapable of speech or hearing. And in the midst of all this turmoil, a sense of unpardonable injustice remained graven in his memory.
At this moment, Dick quickly backed away, feeling overwhelmed with anxiety, hearing a whistling and chaos from his own blood vessels, and basically in such a complete physical state that he couldn’t speak or hear. And amid all this chaos, a deep sense of unforgivable injustice stayed etched in his mind.
p. 162CHAPTER III—IN THE ADMIRAL’S NAME
There was no return to the subject. Dick and his father were henceforth on terms of coldness. The upright old gentleman grew more upright when he met his son, buckrammed with immortal anger; he asked after Dick’s health, and discussed the weather and the crops with an appalling courtesy; his pronunciation was point-de-vice, his voice was distant, distinct, and sometimes almost trembling with suppressed indignation.
There was no going back to the topic. Dick and his father were now on chilly terms. The stiff old man became even more rigid when he saw his son, filled with enduring anger; he inquired about Dick’s well-being and talked about the weather and the crops with an overwhelming formality; his pronunciation was point-de-vice, his voice was distant, clear, and sometimes nearly shaking with held-back outrage.
As for Dick, it seemed to him as if his life had come abruptly to an end. He came out of his theories and clevernesses; his premature man-of-the-worldness, on which he had prided himself on his travels, ‘shrank like a thing ashamed’ before this real sorrow. Pride, wounded honour, pity and respect tussled together daily in his heart; and now he was within an ace of throwing himself upon his father’s mercy, and now of slipping forth at night and coming back no more to Naseby House. He suffered from the sight of his father, nay, even from the neighbourhood of this familiar valley, where every corner had its legend, and he was besieged with memories of childhood. If he fled into a new land, and among none but strangers, he might escape his destiny, who knew? and begin again light-heartedly. From that chief peak of the hills, that now and then, like an uplifted finger, shone in an arrow of sunlight through the broken clouds, the shepherd in clear weather might perceive the shining of the sea. There, he thought, was hope. But his heart failed him when he saw the Squire; and he remained. His fate was not that of the voyager by sea and land; he was to travel in the spirit, and begin his journey sooner than he supposed.
For Dick, it felt like his life had suddenly come to a halt. He stepped away from his theories and clever ideas; his premature sophistication, which he had taken pride in during his travels, “shrunk like a thing ashamed” in the face of this real sorrow. Pride, wounded honor, pity, and respect battled within him daily; he was on the verge of either throwing himself at his father’s mercy or sneaking out at night and never returning to Naseby House. He couldn’t stand the sight of his father or even being near this familiar valley, where every corner held a memory, and he was overwhelmed by childhood recollections. If he escaped to a new land filled with strangers, who knew? Maybe he could evade his fate and start fresh with a light heart. From that high peak in the hills, which occasionally shone like an outstretched finger through the broken clouds, a shepherd might spot the shimmering sea in clear weather. There, he thought, was hope. But his courage faltered when he saw the Squire; so he stayed. His journey wasn’t like that of a traveler by sea or land; he was destined to travel within himself and start his journey sooner than he expected.
For it chanced one day that his walk led him into a portion of the uplands which was almost unknown to him. Scrambling through some rough woods, he came out upon a moorland reaching towards the hills. A few lofty Scotch firs grew hard by upon a knoll; a clear fountain near the foot of the knoll sent up a miniature streamlet which meandered in the heather. A shower had just skimmed by, but now the sun shone brightly, and the air smelt of the pines and the grass. On a stone under the trees sat a young lady sketching. We have learned to think of women in a sort of symbolic transfiguration, based on clothes; and one of the readiest ways in which we conceive our mistress is as a composite thing, principally petticoats. But humanity has triumphed over clothes; the look, the touch of a dress has become alive; and the woman who stitched herself into these material integuments has now permeated right through and gone out to the tip of her skirt. It was only a black dress that caught Dick Naseby’s eye; but it took possession of his mind, and all other thoughts departed. He drew near, and the girl turned round. Her face startled him; it was a face he wanted; and he took it in at once like breathing air.
One day, he found himself walking in an area of the hills that he hardly knew. As he climbed through some rough woods, he came out onto a moorland that stretched toward the hills. A few tall Scotch firs stood nearby on a small hill; a clear spring at the base of the hill sent up a little stream that wound its way through the heather. A quick rain had just passed, but now the sun was shining brightly, and the air was filled with the scent of pine and grass. Sitting on a stone under the trees was a young woman sketching. We’ve come to think of women in a way that’s often based on their outfits; one of the easiest ways we picture our ideal partner is as a mix of skirts and dresses. But people are more than just what they wear; the look and feel of a dress come alive, and the woman who put on these garments seems to radiate through them, all the way to the hem of her skirt. All Dick Naseby noticed was a simple black dress, but it captured his attention completely, driving all other thoughts away. He approached her, and when the girl turned around, her face surprised him; it was the face he longed for, and he took it in as naturally as breathing.
‘I beg your pardon,’ he said, taking off his hat, ‘you are sketching.’
"I’m sorry," he said, removing his hat, "you’re drawing."
‘Oh!’ she exclaimed, ‘for my own amusement. I despise the thing.’
‘Oh!’ she exclaimed, ‘just for my own entertainment. I can't stand it.’
‘Ten to one, you do yourself injustice,’ returned Dick. ‘Besides, it’s a freemasonry. I sketch myself, and you know what that implies.’
‘You’re probably being too hard on yourself,’ Dick replied. ‘Plus, it’s like a brotherhood. I draw myself, and you know what that means.’
‘No. What?’ she asked.
‘No. What?’ she asked.
‘Two things,’ he answered. ‘First, that I am no very difficult critic; and second, that I have a right to see your picture.’
"Two things," he replied. "First, I'm not a very hard critic; and second, I have the right to see your picture."
She covered the block with both her hands. ‘Oh no,’ she said; ‘I am ashamed.’
She covered the block with both hands. “Oh no,” she said, “I’m embarrassed.”
‘Indeed, I might give you a hint,’ said Dick. ‘Although no artist myself, I have known many; in Paris I had many for friends, and used to prowl among studios.’
“Actually, I could give you a clue,” said Dick. “Even though I’m not an artist myself, I’ve known many; in Paris, I had a lot of friends who were artists and used to wander around studios.”
‘In Paris?’ she cried, with a leap of light into her eyes. ‘Did you ever meet Mr. Van Tromp?’
‘In Paris?’ she exclaimed, her eyes sparkling with excitement. ‘Have you ever met Mr. Van Tromp?’
‘I? Yes. Why, you’re not the Admiral’s daughter, are you?’
‘I? Yes. Why, you’re not the Admiral’s daughter, are you?’
‘The Admiral? Do they call him that?’ she cried. ‘Oh, how nice, how nice of them! It is the younger men who call him so, is it not?’
‘The Admiral? Do they really call him that?’ she exclaimed. ‘Oh, how lovely, how lovely of them! It’s the younger guys who call him that, right?’
‘Yes,’ said Dick, somewhat heavily.
"Yes," Dick replied, somewhat heavily.
‘You can understand now,’ she said, with an unspeakable accent of contented noble-minded pride, ‘why it is I do not choose to show my sketch. Van Tromp’s daughter! The Admiral’s daughter! I delight in that name. The Admiral! And so you know my father?’
‘You can see now,’ she said, with an indescribable tone of satisfied, noble pride, ‘why I don’t want to show my sketch. Van Tromp’s daughter! The Admiral’s daughter! I take great pride in that name. The Admiral! So you know my father?’
‘Well,’ said Dick, ‘I met him often; we were even intimate. He may have mentioned my name—Naseby.’
‘Well,’ said Dick, ‘I ran into him a lot; we were even close. He might have brought up my name—Naseby.’
‘He writes so little. He is so busy, so devoted to his art! I have had a half wish,’ she added laughing, ‘that my father was a plainer man, whom I could help—to whom I could be a credit; but only sometimes, you know, and with only half my heart. For a great painter! You have seen his works?’
‘He hardly writes at all. He’s so busy and so dedicated to his art! I’ve had a half-hearted wish,’ she added with a laugh, ‘that my dad was a simpler guy, someone I could help—someone I could be proud of; but just sometimes, you know, and only with half my heart. For a great painter! Have you seen his work?’
‘I have seen some of them,’ returned Dick; ‘they—they are very nice.’
‘I’ve seen some of them,’ replied Dick; ‘they—they're really nice.’
She laughed aloud. ‘Nice?’ she repeated. ‘I see you don’t care much for art.’
She laughed out loud. "Nice?" she repeated. "I can see you don't care much for art."
‘Not much,’ he admitted; ‘but I know that many people are glad to buy Mr. Van Tromp’s pictures.’
‘Not much,’ he admitted; ‘but I know that a lot of people are happy to buy Mr. Van Tromp’s pictures.’
‘Call him the Admiral!’ she cried. ‘It sounds kindly and familiar; and I like to think that he is appreciated and looked up to by young painters. He has not always been appreciated; he had a cruel life for many years; and when I think’—there were tears in her eyes—‘when I think of that, I feel incline to be a fool,’ she broke off. ‘And now I shall go home. You have filled me full of happiness; for think, Mr. Naseby, I have not seen my father since I was six years old; and yet he is in my thoughts all day! You must come and call on me; my aunt will be delighted, I am sure; and then you will tell me all—all about my father, will you not?’
“Call him the Admiral!” she exclaimed. “It sounds warm and familiar, and I like to believe that young painters admire and respect him. He hasn’t always received that appreciation; he had a tough life for many years; and when I think”—tears welled in her eyes—“when I think of that, I feel like being a fool,” she paused. “Now I’m going to head home. You’ve filled me with happiness; just think, Mr. Naseby, I haven’t seen my dad since I was six years old, and yet he’s on my mind all day! You have to come visit me; my aunt will be thrilled, I’m sure, and then you’ll tell me everything—everything about my dad, won’t you?”
Dick helped her to get her sketching traps together; and when all was ready, she gave Dick her hand and a frank return of pressure.
Dick helped her gather her sketching supplies, and when everything was ready, she gave Dick her hand and a sincere squeeze.
‘You are my father’s friend,’ she said; ‘we shall be great friends too. You must come and see me soon.’
‘You’re my dad’s friend,’ she said; ‘we should be great friends too. You have to come and see me soon.’
Then she was gone down the hillside at a run; and Dick stood by himself in a state of some bewilderment and even distress. There were elements of laughter in the business; but the black dress, and the face that belonged to it, and the hand that he had held in his, inclined him to a serious view. What was he, under the circumstances, called upon to do? Perhaps to avoid the girl? Well, he would think about that. Perhaps to break the truth to her? Why, ten to one, such was her infatuation, he would fail. Perhaps to keep up the illusion, to colour the raw facts; to help her to false ideas, while yet not plainly stating falsehoods? Well, he would see about that; he would also see about avoiding the girl. He saw about this last so well, that the next afternoon beheld him on his way to visit her.
Then she ran down the hillside, leaving Dick by himself, feeling a bit confused and even troubled. There were elements of humor in the situation; but the black dress, the face that went with it, and the hand he had held made him think seriously. What was he supposed to do in this situation? Maybe avoid the girl? He'd consider that. Maybe tell her the truth? Well, given her infatuation, he would probably fail. Perhaps he should maintain the illusion, twist the harsh realities; help her with false ideas without outright lying? He'd think about that too; he’d also think about avoiding the girl. He managed this last point so well that by the next afternoon, he found himself on his way to visit her.
In the meantime the girl had gone straight home, light as a bird, tremulous with joy, to the little cottage where she lived alone with a maiden aunt; and to that lady, a grim, sixty years old Scotchwoman, with a nodding head, communicated news of her encounter and invitation.
In the meantime, the girl had gone straight home, feeling light as a bird, trembling with joy, to the little cottage where she lived alone with her aunt. This aunt was a stern, sixty-year-old Scottish woman with a bobbing head, and she shared the news of her encounter and invitation with her.
‘A friend of his?’ cried the aunt. ‘What like is he? What did ye say was his name?’
‘A friend of his?’ cried the aunt. ‘What’s he like? What did you say his name is?’
She was dead silent, and stared at the old woman darkling. Then very slowly, ‘I said he was my father’s friend; I have invited him to my house, and come he shall,’ she said; and with that she walked off to her room, where she sat staring at the wall all the evening. Miss M‘Glashan, for that was the aunt’s name, read a large bible in the kitchen with some of the joys of martyrdom.
She was completely silent and glared at the old woman. Then very slowly, she said, "I told you he was my father's friend; I've invited him to my house, and he will come." With that, she walked off to her room, where she sat staring at the wall for the rest of the evening. Miss M'Glashan, which was the aunt's name, read a large Bible in the kitchen along with some of the joys of martyrdom.
It was perhaps half-past three when Dick presented himself, rather scrupulously dressed, before the cottage door; he knocked, and a voice bade him enter. The kitchen, which opened directly off the garden, was somewhat darkened by foliage; but he could see her as she approached from the far end to meet him. This second sight of her surprised him. Her strong black brows spoke of temper easily aroused and hard to quiet; her mouth was small, nervous and weak; there was something dangerous and sulky underlying, in her nature, much that was honest, compassionate, and even noble.
It was around 3:30 when Dick arrived, dressed quite neatly, at the cottage door; he knocked, and a voice told him to come in. The kitchen, which opened directly onto the garden, was somewhat shaded by the foliage; but he could see her as she came toward him from the far end. This second glimpse of her caught him off guard. Her strong black eyebrows showed she had a temper that could flare up easily and be hard to calm down; her mouth was small, fidgety, and unsteady; there was something dangerous and moody beneath her nature, mixed with a lot that was honest, compassionate, and even noble.
‘My father’s name,’ she said, ‘has made you very welcome.’
‘My dad’s name,’ she said, ‘has made you very welcome.’
And she gave him her hand, with a sort of curtsy. It was a pretty greeting, although somewhat mannered; and Dick felt himself among the gods. She led him through the kitchen to a parlour, and presented him to Miss M‘Glashan.
And she offered him her hand with a little curtsy. It was a lovely greeting, even though it was a bit formal; and Dick felt like he was in heaven. She took him through the kitchen to a parlor and introduced him to Miss M'Glashan.
‘Esther,’ said the aunt, ‘see and make Mr. Naseby his tea.’
‘Esther,’ said the aunt, ‘please make Mr. Naseby his tea.’
And as soon as the girl was gone upon this hospitable intent, the old woman crossed the room and came quite near to Dick as if in menace.
And as soon as the girl left to carry out this kind gesture, the old woman crossed the room and approached Dick closely, almost threateningly.
‘Ye know that man?’ she asked in an imperious whisper.
“Do you know that man?” she asked in a commanding whisper.
‘Mr. Van Tromp?’ said Dick. ‘Yes, I know him.’
‘Mr. Van Tromp?’ said Dick. ‘Yeah, I know him.’
‘Well, and what brings ye here?’ she said. ‘I couldn’t save the mother—her that’s dead—but the bairn!’ She had a note in her voice that filled poor Dick with consternation. ‘Man,’ she went on, ‘what is it now? Is it money?’
‘Well, what brings you here?’ she said. ‘I couldn’t save the mother—the one who’s dead—but the baby!’ She had a tone in her voice that filled poor Dick with dread. ‘Man,’ she continued, ‘what is it now? Is it money?’
‘My dear lady,’ said Dick, ‘I think you misinterpret my position. I am young Mr. Naseby of Naseby House. My acquaintance with Mr. Van Tromp is really very slender; I am only afraid that Miss Van Tromp has exaggerated our intimacy in her own imagination. I know positively nothing of his private affairs, and do not care to know. I met him casually in Paris—that is all.’
‘My dear lady,’ said Dick, ‘I think you’re misunderstanding my situation. I’m young Mr. Naseby from Naseby House. My relationship with Mr. Van Tromp is pretty minimal; I’m only concerned that Miss Van Tromp has blown our connection out of proportion in her mind. I really don’t know anything about his personal matters, and I’m not interested in finding out. I ran into him casually in Paris—that’s all.’
Miss M‘Glashan drew along breath. ‘In Paris?’ she said. ‘Well, and what do you think of him?—what do ye think of him?’ she repeated, with a different scansion, as Richard, who had not much taste for such a question, kept her waiting for an answer.
Miss M‘Glashan took a deep breath. “In Paris?” she asked. “So, what do you think of him?—what do you think of him?” she repeated, with a different tone, as Richard, who wasn’t really into questions like that, kept her waiting for a response.
‘I found him a very agreeable companion,’ he said.
"I found him to be a really pleasant companion," he said.
‘Ay,’ said she, ‘did ye! And how does he win his bread?’
‘Oh,’ she said, ‘really! And how does he make a living?’
‘I fancy,’ he gasped, ‘that Mr. Van Tromp has many generous friends.’
"I think," he said, breathing heavily, "that Mr. Van Tromp has a lot of generous friends."
‘I’ll warrant!’ she sneered; and before Dick could find more to say, she was gone from the room.
"I'll bet!" she scoffed; and before Dick could say anything else, she was out of the room.
Esther returned with the tea-things, and sat down.
Esther came back with the tea set and sat down.
‘Now,’ she said cosily, ‘tell me all about my father.’
‘Now,’ she said comfortably, ‘tell me everything about my dad.’
‘He’—stammered Dick, ‘he is a very agreeable companion.’
'He'—stuttered Dick, 'he's a really pleasant companion.'
‘I shall begin to think it is more than you are, Mr. Naseby,’ she said, with a laugh. ‘I am his daughter, you forget. Begin at the beginning, and tell me all you have seen of him, all he said and all you answered. You must have met somewhere; begin with that.’
‘I’m starting to think there’s more to you than meets the eye, Mr. Naseby,’ she said with a laugh. ‘You’ve forgotten I’m his daughter. Start from the beginning and tell me everything you’ve seen and heard from him, as well as what you replied. You must have crossed paths at some point; start with that.’
So with that he began: how he had found the Admiral painting in a café; how his art so possessed him that he could not wait till he got home to—well, to dash off his idea; how (this in reply to a question) his idea consisted of a cock crowing and two hens eating corn; how he was fond of cocks and hens; how this did not lead him to neglect more ambitious forms of art; how he had a picture in his studio of a Greek subject which was said to be remarkable from several points of view; how no one had seen it nor knew the precise site of the studio in which it was being vigorously though secretly confected; how (in answer to a suggestion) this shyness was common to the Admiral, Michelangelo, and others; how they (Dick and Van Tromp) had struck up an acquaintance at once, and dined together that same night; how he (the Admiral) had once given money to a beggar; how he spoke with effusion of his little daughter; how he had once borrowed money to send her a doll—a trait worthy of Newton, she being then in her nineteenth year at least; how, if the doll never arrived (which it appeared it never did), the trait was only more characteristic of the highest order of creative intellect; how he was—no, not beautiful—striking, yes, Dick would go so far, decidedly striking in appearance; how his boots were made to lace and his coat was black, not cut-away, a frock; and so on, and so on by the yard. It was astonishing how few lies were necessary. After all, people exaggerated the difficulty of life. A little steering, just a touch of the rudder now and then, and with a willing listener there is no limit to the domain of equivocal speech. Sometimes Miss M‘Glashan made a freezing sojourn in the parlour; and then the task seemed unaccountably more difficult; but to Esther, who was all eyes and ears, her face alight with interest, his stream of language flowed without break or stumble, and his mind was ever fertile in ingenious evasions and—
So with that he started talking: how he had found the Admiral painting in a café; how he was so obsessed with his art that he couldn't wait to get home to—well, to quickly sketch out his idea; how (in answer to a question) his idea was about a rooster crowing and two hens pecking at corn; how he liked roosters and hens; how this didn't mean he neglected more ambitious art forms; how he had a painting in his studio of a Greek theme that was said to be impressive for several reasons; how no one had seen it or knew exactly where the studio was where it was being made, vigorously but secretly; how (in response to a suggestion) this shyness was common among the Admiral, Michelangelo, and others; how they (Dick and Van Tromp) had hit it off immediately and dined together that same night; how he (the Admiral) once gave a beggar some money; how he spoke warmly about his little daughter; how he had once borrowed money to send her a doll—a trait worthy of Newton, even though she was at least nineteen at the time; how, if the doll never arrived (which it seemed it never did), this trait was even more characteristic of a great creative mind; how he was—no, not beautiful—striking, yes, Dick would say, definitely striking in appearance; how his boots were made for lacing and his coat was black, not cut away, but a frock; and so on, and so on endlessly. It was surprising how few lies were needed. After all, people made life seem more complicated than it was. A little steering, just a touch of the rudder now and then, and with a willing listener, there was no limit to how much one could twist the truth. Sometimes Miss M‘Glashan lingered uncomfortably in the parlor; and then the task seemed inexplicably more challenging; but for Esther, who was all eyes and ears, her face glowing with interest, his flow of words continued uninterrupted, and his mind was always full of clever ways to evade the truth and—
What an afternoon it was for Esther!
What an afternoon it was for Esther!
‘Ah!’ she said at last, ‘it’s good to hear all this! My aunt, you should know, is narrow and too religious; she cannot understand an artist’s life. It does not frighten me,’ she added grandly; ‘I am an artist’s daughter.’
‘Ah!’ she finally said, ‘it’s so nice to hear all this! My aunt, just so you know, is narrow-minded and overly religious; she can’t grasp the life of an artist. It doesn’t scare me,’ she added proudly; ‘I am an artist’s daughter.’
With that speech, Dick consoled himself for his imposture; she was not deceived so grossly after all; and then if a fraud, was not the fraud piety itself?—and what could be more obligatory than to keep alive in the heart of a daughter that filial trust and honour which, even although misplaced, became her like a jewel of the mind? There might be another thought, a shade of cowardice, a selfish desire to please; poor Dick was merely human; and what would you have had him do?
With that speech, Dick comforted himself about his deception; she wasn't really fooled that badly after all; and if it was a deception, wasn't the deception itself a form of piety?—and what could be more important than to nurture in his daughter's heart that sense of trust and honor which, even if misplaced, suited her like a jewel in her mind? There might be another thought, a hint of cowardice, a selfish need to please; poor Dick was just human; and what would you have had him do?
p. 172CHAPTER IV—ESTHER ON THE FILIAL RELATION
A month later Dick and Esther met at the stile beside the cross roads; had there been any one to see them but the birds and summer insects, it would have been remarked that they met after a different fashion from the day before. Dick took her in his arms, and their lips were set together for a long while. Then he held her at arm’s-length, and they looked straight into each other’s eyes.
A month later, Dick and Esther met at the stile by the crossroads; if anyone besides the birds and summer insects had seen them, they would have noticed that their meeting was very different from the day before. Dick pulled her into his arms, and they shared a long kiss. Then he held her at arm’s length, and they looked deeply into each other’s eyes.
‘Esther!’ he said; you should have heard his voice!
‘Esther!’ he said; you should have heard his voice!
‘Dick!’ said she.
“Dick!” she exclaimed.
‘My darling!’
"My love!"
It was some time before they started for their walk; he kept an arm about her, and their sides were close together as they walked; the sun, the birds, the west wind running among the trees, a pressure, a look, the grasp tightening round a single finger, these things stood them in lieu of thought and filled their hearts with joy. The path they were following led them through a wood of pine-trees carpeted with heather and blue-berry, and upon this pleasant carpet, Dick, not without some seriousness, made her sit down.
It took them a while to start their walk; he had his arm around her, and they walked side by side. The sun, the birds, the west wind rustling through the trees, a feeling, a glance, the grip tightening around one finger—these moments replaced their thoughts and filled their hearts with happiness. The path they were on took them through a pine tree forest covered in heather and blueberries, and on this lovely ground, Dick, with some seriousness, asked her to sit down.
‘Esther!’ he began, ‘there is something you ought to know. You know my father is a rich man, and you would think, now that we love each other, we might marry when we pleased. But I fear, darling, we may have long to wait, and shall want all our courage.’
‘Esther!’ he started, ‘there's something you need to know. You know my father is wealthy, and you'd think that since we love each other, we could marry whenever we want. But I’m afraid, darling, we might have to wait a long time, and we’ll need all our courage.’
‘I have courage for anything,’ she said, ‘I have all I want; with you and my father, I am so well off, and waiting is made so happy, that I could wait a lifetime and not weary.’
‘I can handle anything,’ she said, ‘I have everything I need; with you and my dad, I’m doing great, and waiting is so joyful that I could wait a lifetime and never get tired of it.’
He had a sharp pang at the mention of the Admiral. ‘Hear me out,’ he continued. ‘I ought to have told you this before; but it is a thought I shrink from; if it were possible, I should not tell you even now. My poor father and I are scarce on speaking terms.’
He felt a quick jolt at the mention of the Admiral. ‘Listen to me,’ he went on. ‘I should have told you this earlier, but it’s something I hesitate to share; if I could, I wouldn’t even tell you now. My poor father and I barely talk.’
‘Your father,’ she repeated, turning pale.
‘Your father,’ she repeated, her face going pale.
‘It must sound strange to you; but yet I cannot think I am to blame,’ he said. ‘I will tell you how it happened.’
'It might sound weird to you, but I honestly don't think I'm at fault,' he said. 'Let me explain how it all went down.'
‘Oh Dick!’ she said, when she had heard him to an end, ‘how brave you are, and how proud. Yet I would not be proud with a father. I would tell him all.’
‘Oh Dick!’ she said, when he finished speaking, ‘you’re so brave and proud. But I wouldn’t want to be proud with a dad. I would tell him everything.’
‘What!’ cried Dick, ‘go in months after, and brag that I had meant to thrash the man, and then didn’t. And why? Because my father had made a bigger ass of himself than I supposed. My dear, that’s nonsense.’
‘What!’ shouted Dick, ‘go in months later and brag that I meant to beat the guy, but then didn’t. And why? Because my dad made an even bigger fool of himself than I thought. My dear, that’s ridiculous.’
She winced at his words and drew away. ‘But when that is all he asks,’ she pleaded. ‘If he only knew that you had felt that impulse, it would make him so proud and happy. He would see you were his own son after all, and had the same thoughts and the same chivalry of spirit. And then you did yourself injustice when you spoke just now. It was because the editor was weak and poor and excused himself, that you repented your first determination. Had he been a big red man, with whiskers, you would have beaten him—you know you would—if Mr. Naseby had been ten times more committed. Do you think, if you can tell it to me, and I understand at once, that it would be more difficult to tell it to your own father, or that he would not be more ready to sympathise with you than I am? And I love you, Dick; but then he is your father.’
She flinched at his words and pulled away. “But when that’s all he’s asking for,” she urged. “If he only knew that you had that feeling, it would make him so proud and happy. He’d see that you’re his son after all, sharing the same thoughts and the same spirit of chivalry. And you did yourself a disservice when you spoke just now. It was because the editor was weak and poor and made excuses that you changed your mind. If he had been a big, tough guy with a beard, you would have stood up to him—you know you would—regardless of how much Mr. Naseby was committed. Do you really think it would be harder to tell your own father than it is to tell me, or that he wouldn't be more sympathetic than I am? And I love you, Dick; but he is your father.”
‘My dear,’ said Dick, desperately, ‘you do not understand; you do not know what it is to be treated with daily want of comprehension and daily small injustices, through childhood and boyhood and manhood, until you despair of a hearing, until the thing rides you like a nightmare, until you almost hate the sight of the man you love, and who’s your father after all. In short, Esther, you don’t know what it is to have a father, and that’s what blinds you.’
‘My dear,’ said Dick, desperately, ‘you don't understand; you don't know what it's like to be treated with constant lack of understanding and daily little injustices, throughout childhood, adolescence, and adulthood, until you lose hope of being heard, until it weighs on you like a nightmare, until you almost hate the sight of the man you love, who is, after all, your father. In short, Esther, you don't know what it's like to have a father, and that's what blinds you.’
‘I see,’ she said musingly, ‘you mean that I am fortunate in my father. But I am not so fortunate after all; you forget, I do not know him; it is you who know him; he is already more your father than mine.’ And here she took his hand. Dick’s heart had grown as cold as ice. ‘But I am sorry for you, too,’ she continued, ‘it must be very sad and lonely.’
"I get it," she said thoughtfully. "You mean I'm lucky to have my dad. But I'm not really that lucky; don't forget, I don't actually know him. You know him better; he's already more of a father to you than to me." She then took his hand. Dick's heart felt as cold as ice. "But I feel sorry for you too," she added. "It must be really sad and lonely."
‘You misunderstand me,’ said Dick, chokingly. ‘My father is the best man I know in all this world; he is worth a hundred of me, only he doesn’t understand me, and he can’t be made to.’
‘You’re misunderstanding me,’ said Dick, struggling to speak. ‘My dad is the best man I know in this world; he’s worth a hundred of me, it’s just that he doesn’t understand me, and there’s no way to change that.’
There was a silence for a while. ‘Dick,’ she began again, ‘I am going to ask a favour, it’s the first since you said you loved me. May I see your father—see him pass, I mean, where he will not observe me?’
There was a pause for a moment. “Dick,” she started again, “I’m going to ask a favor; it’s the first one since you told me you loved me. Can I see your father—just see him go by, I mean, where he won’t notice me?”
‘Why?’ asked Dick.
"Why?" Dick asked.
‘It is a fancy; you forget, I am romantic about fathers.’
‘It’s just a fantasy; you forget, I’m sentimental about fathers.’
The hint was enough for Dick; he consented with haste, and full of hang-dog penitence and disgust, took her down by a backway and planted her in the shrubbery, whence she might see the Squire ride by to dinner. There they both sat silent, but holding hands, for nearly half an hour. At last the trotting of a horse sounded in the distance, the park gates opened with a clang, and then Mr. Naseby appeared, with stooping shoulders and a heavy, bilious countenance, languidly rising to the trot. Esther recognised him at once; she had often seen him before, though with her huge indifference for all that lay outside the circle of her love, she had never so much as wondered who he was; but now she recognised him, and found him ten years older, leaden and springless, and stamped by an abiding sorrow.
The hint was enough for Dick; he quickly agreed, feeling guilty and disgusted, and led her down a back path to hide her in the bushes, where she could watch the Squire ride by to dinner. They both sat there silently, holding hands, for nearly half an hour. Finally, the sound of a horse trotting came from a distance, the park gates opened with a loud bang, and then Mr. Naseby appeared, with slumped shoulders and a heavy, sickly face, lazily picking up the trot. Esther recognized him immediately; she had seen him many times before, but with her complete indifference to everything outside her love circle, she had never bothered to wonder who he was. Now, however, she recognized him and noted he looked ten years older, weighed down and lifeless, marked by a deep sadness.
‘Oh Dick, Dick!’ she said, and the tears began to shine upon her face as she hid it in his bosom; his own fell thickly too. They had a sad walk home, and that night, full of love and good counsel, Dick exerted every art to please his father, to convince him of his respect and affection, to heal up this breach of kindness, and reunite two hearts. But alas! the Squire was sick and peevish; he had been all day glooming over Dick’s estrangement—for so he put it to himself, and now with growls, cold words, and the cold shoulder, he beat off all advances, and entrenched himself in a just resentment.
‘Oh Dick, Dick!’ she said, and tears started to shine on her face as she buried it in his chest; his own fell thickly too. They had a heavy walk home, and that night, filled with love and good advice, Dick did everything he could to please his father, to show him his respect and affection, to mend this rift, and bring their two hearts back together. But unfortunately! the Squire was sick and irritable; he had spent the whole day brooding over Dick’s distance—because that’s how he saw it—and now with grumbles, harsh words, and a frosty attitude, he pushed away all overtures and entrenched himself in justified resentment.
p. 178CHAPTER V—THE PRODIGAL FATHER MAKES HIS DEBUT AT HOME
That took place upon a Tuesday. On the Thursday following, as Dick was walking by appointment, earlier than usual, in the direction of the cottage, he was appalled to meet in the lane a fly from Thymebury, containing the human form of Miss M‘Glashan. The lady did not deign to remark him in her passage; her face was suffused with tears, and expressed much concern for the packages by which she was surrounded. He stood still, and asked himself what this circumstance might portend. It was so beautiful a day that he was loth to forecast evil, yet something must perforce have happened at the cottage, and that of a decisive nature; for here was Miss M‘Glashan on her travels, with a small patrimony in brown paper parcels, and the old lady’s bearing implied hot battle and unqualified defeat. Was the house to be closed against him? Was Esther left alone, or had some new protector made his appearance from among the millions of Europe? It is the character of love to loathe the near relatives of the loved one; chapters in the history of the human race have justified this feeling, and the conduct of uncles, in particular, has frequently met with censure from the independent novelist. Miss M‘Glashan was now seen in the rosy colours of regret; whoever succeeded her, Dick felt the change would be for the worse. He hurried forward in this spirit; his anxiety grew upon him with every step; as he entered the garden a voice fell upon his ear, and he was once more arrested, not this time by doubt, but by indubitable certainty of ill.
That happened on a Tuesday. On the following Thursday, as Dick was walking by appointment, earlier than usual, toward the cottage, he was shocked to encounter a carriage from Thymebury with Miss M‘Glashan inside. The lady didn't acknowledge him as she passed by; her face was wet with tears and showed deep worry for the packages surrounding her. He paused and wondered what this might mean. It was such a beautiful day that he was reluctant to think of anything bad, yet something serious must have happened at the cottage; after all, here was Miss M‘Glashan traveling with a small fortune in brown paper parcels, and her demeanor suggested a fierce conflict and total defeat. Was the house going to be closed off to him? Was Esther left all alone, or had some new protector emerged from the millions in Europe? Love often breeds disdain for the loved one's close relatives; history has shown this feeling to be justified, and uncles, in particular, have often been criticized by independent novelists. Miss M‘Glashan now appeared in the vivid hues of regret; whoever took her place, Dick felt, it would surely be for the worse. He hurried on, feeling more anxious with every step; as he entered the garden, a voice reached his ears, and he was once again stopped, this time not by doubt, but by the undeniable certainty of trouble.
The thunderbolt had fallen; the Admiral was here.
The thunder had struck; the Admiral was here.
Dick would have retreated, in the panic terror of the moment; but Esther kept a bright look-out when her lover was expected. In a twinkling she was by his side, brimful of news and pleasure, too glad to notice his embarrassment, and in one of those golden transports of exultation which transcend not only words but caresses. She took him by the end of the fingers (reaching forward to take them, for her great preoccupation was to save time), she drew him towards her, pushed him past her in the door, and planted him face to face with Mr. Van Tromp, in a suit of French country velveteens and with a remarkable carbuncle on his nose. Then, as though this was the end of what she could endure in the way of joy, Esther turned and ran out of the room.
Dick would have backed away in sheer panic, but Esther always kept a lookout for her lover. In an instant, she was by his side, bursting with news and excitement, too happy to notice his awkwardness, lost in one of those golden moments of joy that go beyond words and hugs. She grabbed his fingers (leaning forward to take them because she was focused on saving time), pulled him towards her, pushed him through the door, and positioned him face to face with Mr. Van Tromp, who was wearing a suit made of French country velvet and had a noticeable carbuncle on his nose. Then, as if that was all the joy she could handle, Esther turned and ran out of the room.
The two men remained looking at each other with some confusion on both sides. Van Tromp was naturally the first to recover; he put out his hand with a fine gesture.
The two men kept staring at each other, both feeling a bit confused. Van Tromp was the first to snap out of it; he reached out his hand with a graceful gesture.
‘And you know my little lass, my Esther?’ he said. ‘This is pleasant; this is what I have conceived of home. A strange word for the old rover; but we all have a taste for home and the home-like, disguise it how we may. It has brought me here, Mr. Naseby,’ he concluded, with an intonation that would have made his fortune on the stage, so just, so sad, so dignified, so like a man of the world and a philosopher, ‘and you see a man who is content.’
"And you know my little girl, my Esther?" he said. "This is nice; this is what I've imagined home to be like. A strange word for someone like me who has been all over the place; but we all have a yearning for home and the comforts that come with it, no matter how we try to hide it. It has brought me here, Mr. Naseby," he finished, with a tone that could have made him a star on stage—so right, so melancholy, so dignified, so much like a worldly man and a thinker. "And you see a man who is content."
‘I see,’ said Dick.
"I see," Dick said.
‘Sit down,’ continued the parasite, setting the example. ‘Fortune has gone against me. (I am just sirrupping a little brandy—after my journey.) I was going down, Mr. Naseby; between you and me, I was décavé; I borrowed fifty francs, smuggled my valise past the concierge—a work of considerable tact—and here I am!’
‘Sit down,’ continued the parasite, leading by example. ‘Luck hasn’t been on my side. (I’m just enjoying a little brandy—after my trip.) I was really in a tight spot, Mr. Naseby; between you and me, I was broke; I borrowed fifty francs, snuck my suitcase past the concierge—a feat that took some skill—and here I am!’
‘Yes,’ said Dick; ‘and here you are.’ He was quite idiotic.
'Yeah,' said Dick; 'and here you are.' He was acting completely foolish.
Esther, at this moment, re-entered the room.
Esther, at that moment, walked back into the room.
‘Are you glad to see him?’ she whispered in his ear, the pleasure in her voice almost bursting through the whisper into song.
“Are you happy to see him?” she whispered in his ear, the joy in her voice nearly overflowing from the whisper into a tune.
‘Oh yes,’ said Dick, ‘very.’
‘Oh yes,’ said Dick, ‘totally.’
‘I knew you would be,’ she replied; ‘I told him how you loved him.’
‘I knew you would be,’ she replied; ‘I told him how much you loved him.’
‘Help yourself,’ said the Admiral, ‘help yourself; and let us drink to a new existence.’
"Help yourself," said the Admiral. "Go ahead and pour yourself some, and let's toast to a new life."
‘To a new existence,’ repeated Dick; and he raised the tumbler to his lips, but set it down untasted. He had had enough of novelties for one day.
‘To a new existence,’ repeated Dick; and he lifted the glass to his lips, but put it down untouched. He had had enough of new experiences for one day.
Esther was sitting on a stool beside her father’s feet, holding her knees in her arms, and looking with pride from one to the other of her two visitors. Her eyes were so bright that you were never sure if there were tears in them or not; little voluptuous shivers ran about her body; sometimes she nestled her chin into her throat, sometimes threw back her head, with ecstasy; in a word, she was in that state when it is said of people that they cannot contain themselves for happiness. It would be hard to exaggerate the agony of Richard.
Esther was sitting on a stool next to her father's feet, hugging her knees and looking proudly at her two visitors. Her eyes were so bright that you could never tell if they were filled with tears; little excited shivers ran through her body. Sometimes she tucked her chin into her throat, and other times she tilted her head back in bliss; in short, she was in that state when people are said to be unable to contain their happiness. It would be tough to overstate Richard's pain.
And, in the meantime, Van Tromp ran on interminably.
And in the meantime, Van Tromp kept going on and on.
‘I never forget a friend,’ said he, ‘nor yet an enemy: of the latter, I never had but two—myself and the public; and I fancy I have had my vengeance pretty freely out of both.’ He chuckled. ‘But those days are done. Van Tromp is no more. He was a man who had successes; I believe you knew I had successes—to which we shall refer no farther,’ pulling down his neckcloth with a smile. ‘That man exists no more: by an exercise of will I have destroyed him. There is something like it in the poets. First, a brilliant and conspicuous career—the observed, I may say, of all observers, including the bum-bailie: and then, presto! a quiet, sly, old, rustic bonhomme, cultivating roses. In Paris, Mr. Naseby—’
"I never forget a friend," he said, "and I don’t forget enemies either. I've only had two of those—myself and the public; and I think I’ve gotten my revenge pretty well out of both." He chuckled. "But those days are over. Van Tromp is no longer around. He was someone who achieved success; I believe you knew I had my successes—though we won’t go into that," he said, adjusting his necktie with a smile. "That man doesn’t exist anymore: through sheer will, I’ve destroyed him. There’s something like that in poetry. First, a brilliant and high-profile career—the focus, I might say, of every onlooker, including the local bailiff: and then, presto! a quiet, sly, old country guy, tending to roses. In Paris, Mr. Naseby—"
‘Call him Richard, father,’ said Esther.
‘Call him Richard, Dad,’ said Esther.
‘Richard, if he will allow me. Indeed, we are old friends, and now near neighbours; and, à propos, how are we off for neighbours, Richard? The cottage stands, I think, upon your father’s land—a family which I respect—and the wood, I understand, is Lord Trevanion’s. Not that I care; I am an old Bohemian. I have cut society with a cut direct; I cut it when I was prosperous, and now I reap my reward, and can cut it with dignity in my declension. These are our little amours propres, my daughter: your father must respect himself. Thank you, yes; just a leetle, leetle, tiny—thanks, thanks; you spoil me. But, as I was saying, Richard, or was about to say, my daughter has been allowed to rust; her aunt was a mere duenna; hence, in parenthesis, Richard, her distrust of me; my nature and that of the duenna are poles asunder—poles! But, now that I am here, now that I have given up the fight, and live henceforth for one only of my works—I have the modesty to say it is my best—my daughter—well, we shall put all that to rights. The neighbours, Richard?’
"Richard, if you don’t mind. We are old friends and now pretty much neighbors; speaking of which, how are we doing in terms of neighbors, Richard? I believe the cottage is on your father’s land—a family I respect—and the woods, I understand, belong to Lord Trevanion. Not that it matters to me; I’m an old Bohemian. I’ve cut ties with society outright; I did it when I was doing well, and now I’m enjoying the benefits of being able to do it with dignity in my decline. These are our little egos, my daughter: your father needs to maintain his self-respect. Thank you, yes; just a tiny little—thank you, thank you; you’re spoiling me. But, as I was saying, Richard, or nearly saying, my daughter has been left to wither; her aunt was merely a chaperone; hence, by the way, Richard, her distrust of me; my nature and that of her aunt are worlds apart—worlds! But now that I’m here, now that I’ve given up the struggle, and will live moving forward for just one of my works—I modestly claim it’s my best—my daughter—well, we’ll sort all that out. The neighbors, Richard?"
Dick was understood to say that there were many good families in the Vale of Thyme.
Dick was known to say that there were many good families in the Vale of Thyme.
‘You shall introduce us,’ said the Admiral.
"You should introduce us," said the Admiral.
Dick’s shirt was wet; he made a lumbering excuse to go; which Esther explained to herself by a fear of intrusion, and so set down to the merit side of Dick’s account, while she proceeded to detain him.
Dick's shirt was wet; he came up with a clumsy excuse to leave; Esther interpreted this as a fear of being intrusive, so she added that to the positive side of Dick's character while she worked on keeping him there.
‘Before our walk?’ she cried. ‘Never! I must have my walk.’
‘Before our walk?’ she exclaimed. ‘Never! I need to have my walk.’
‘Let us all go,’ said the Admiral, rising.
‘Let’s all go,’ said the Admiral, standing up.
‘You do not know that you are wanted,’ she cried, leaning on his shoulder with a caress. ‘I might wish to speak to my old friend about my new father. But you shall come to-day, you shall do all you want; I have set my heart on spoiling you.’
‘You don’t realize how much I want you,’ she exclaimed, leaning on his shoulder affectionately. ‘I might want to talk to my old friend about my new dad. But you’ll come today, and you can do whatever you want; I’m determined to treat you like royalty.’
‘I will just take one drop more,’ said the Admiral, stooping to help himself to brandy. ‘It is surprising how this journey has fatigued me. But I am growing old, I am growing old, I am growing old, and—I regret to add—bald.’
‘I’ll just take one more drop,’ said the Admiral, bending down to pour himself some brandy. ‘It’s surprising how tired this trip has made me. But I’m getting old, I’m getting old, I’m getting old, and—I hate to say it—bald.’
He cocked a white wide-awake coquettishly upon his head—the habit of the lady-killer clung to him; and Esther had already thrown on her hat, and was ready, while he was still studying the result in a mirror: the carbuncle had somewhat painfully arrested his attention.
He tilted a white wide-brimmed hat playfully on his head—the charm of a womanizer was still with him; meanwhile, Esther had already put on her hat and was ready to go, while he was still checking himself out in the mirror: the gem on his hat had caught his attention a bit too much.
‘We are papa now; we must be respectable,’ he said to Dick, in explanation of his dandyism: and then he went to a bundle and chose himself a staff. Where were the elegant canes of his Parisian epoch? This was a support for age, and designed for rustic scenes. Dick began to see and appreciate the man’s enjoyment in a new part, when he saw how carefully he had ‘made it up.’ He had invented a gait for this first country stroll with his daughter, which was admirably in key. He walked with fatigue, he leaned upon the staff; he looked round him with a sad, smiling sympathy on all that he beheld; he even asked the name of a plant, and rallied himself gently for an old town bird, ignorant of nature. ‘This country life will make me young again,’ he sighed. They reached the top of the hill towards the first hour of evening; the sun was descending heaven, the colour had all drawn into the west; the hills were modelled in their least contour by the soft, slanting shine; and the wide moorlands, veined with glens and hazelwoods, ran west and north in a hazy glory of light. Then the painter wakened in Van Tromp.
‘We’re parents now; we have to be respectable,’ he told Dick, explaining his stylishness. Then he went to a bundle and picked out a walking stick for himself. Where were the fancy canes from his Paris days? This was more of a support for aging and meant for rural settings. Dick started to understand and appreciate the man’s enjoyment in taking on a new role as he noticed how carefully he had ‘put himself together.’ He had crafted a way of walking for this first country stroll with his daughter that fit perfectly. He walked as if he were tired, leaned on the stick, looked around with a mix of sadness and a smile at everything he saw; he even asked the name of a plant and gently poked fun at himself for being a city guy who didn’t know much about nature. ‘This country life will make me young again,’ he sighed. They reached the top of the hill just as the evening was beginning; the sun was setting, the colors all gathered in the west; the hills were shaped softly by the slanting light, and the expansive moorlands, filled with valleys and hazel woods, stretched west and north in a hazy, glowing light. Then the artist in Van Tromp came alive.
‘Gad, Dick,’ he cried, ‘what value!’
‘Wow, Dick,’ he exclaimed, ‘what a value!’
An ode in four hundred lines would not have seemed so touching to Esther; her eyes filled with happy tears; yes, here was the father of whom she had dreamed, whom Dick had described; simple, enthusiastic, unworldly, kind, a painter at heart, and a fine gentleman in manner.
An ode in four hundred lines wouldn't have felt as moving to Esther; her eyes brimmed with happy tears; yes, here was the father she had imagined, the one Dick had talked about; straightforward, passionate, innocent, nice, a true artist at heart, and a true gentleman in behavior.
And just then the Admiral perceived a house by the wayside, and something depending over the house door which might be construed as a sign by the hopeful and thirsty.
And just then the Admiral noticed a house along the road, with something hanging over the door that could be seen as a sign by those who were hopeful and thirsty.
‘Is that,’ he asked, pointing with his stick, ‘an inn?’
‘Is that,’ he asked, pointing with his stick, ‘a hotel?’
There was a marked change in his voice, as though he attached importance to the inquiry: Esther listened, hoping she should hear wit or wisdom.
There was a noticeable change in his voice, as if he thought the question was important: Esther listened, hoping to hear something clever or insightful.
Dick said it was.
Dick said that it was.
‘You know it?’ inquired the Admiral.
'Do you know it?' asked the Admiral.
‘I have passed it a hundred times, but that is all,’ replied Dick.
‘I’ve walked past it a hundred times, but that’s it,’ replied Dick.
‘Ah,’ said Van Tromp, with a smile, and shaking his head; ‘you are not an old campaigner; you have the world to learn. Now I, you see, find an inn so very near my own home, and my first thought is my neighbours. I shall go forward and make my neighbours’ acquaintance; no, you needn’t come; I shall not be a moment.’
‘Ah,’ said Van Tromp with a smile, shaking his head, ‘you’re not an old hand at this; you still have a lot to learn about the world. You see, I find an inn just a short distance from my home, and my first thought is of my neighbors. I’m going to go ahead and introduce myself to them; no, you don’t need to come with me; I won’t be long.’
And he walked off briskly towards the inn, leaving Dick alone with Esther on the road.
And he walked quickly towards the inn, leaving Dick alone with Esther on the road.
‘Dick,’ she exclaimed, ‘I am so glad to get a word with you; I am so happy, I have such a thousand things to say; and I want you to do me a favour. Imagine, he has come without a paint-box, without an easel; and I want him to have all. I want you to get them for me in Thymebury. You saw, this moment, how his heart turned to painting. They can’t live without it,’ she added; meaning perhaps Van Tromp and Michel Angelo.
‘Dick,’ she said, ‘I’m so glad to finally talk to you; I’m so happy, I have so many things to say; and I need you to do me a favor. Imagine, he showed up without a paintbox or an easel; and I want him to have everything he needs. I need you to get those for me in Thymebury. You just saw how excited he got about painting. They can't live without it,’ she added, possibly referring to Van Tromp and Michel Angelo.
Up to that moment, she had observed nothing amiss in Dick’s behaviour. She was too happy to be curious; and his silence, in presence of the great and good being whom she called her father, had seemed both natural and praiseworthy. But now that they were alone, she became conscious of a barrier between her lover and herself, and alarm sprang up in her heart.
Up until that point, she hadn’t noticed anything off about Dick's behavior. She was too happy to be curious; and his silence in front of the amazing person she called her father seemed both normal and commendable. But now that they were alone, she felt a distance between her and her lover, and a sense of panic rose in her heart.
‘Dick,’ she cried, ‘you don’t love me.’
'Dick,' she exclaimed, 'you don't love me.'
‘I do that,’ he said heartily.
"I do that," he said cheerfully.
‘But you are unhappy; you are strange; you—you are not glad to see my father,’ she concluded, with a break in her voice.
‘But you’re unhappy; you’re different; you—you’re not happy to see my dad,’ she finished, her voice breaking.
‘Esther,’ he said, ‘I tell you that I love you; if you love me, you know what that means, and that all I wish is to see you happy. Do you think I cannot enjoy your pleasures? Esther, I do. If I am uneasy, if I am alarmed, if—. Oh, believe me, try and believe in me,’ he cried, giving up argument with perhaps a happy inspiration.
‘Esther,’ he said, ‘I want you to know that I love you; if you love me, you know what that means, and all I want is to see you happy. Do you think I can't share in your joys? Esther, I can. If I seem troubled, if I’m worried, if—. Oh, please believe me, just try to trust in me,’ he exclaimed, abandoning his argument with what might have been a hopeful inspiration.
But the girl’s suspicions were aroused; and though she pressed the matter no farther (indeed, her father was already seen returning), it by no means left her thoughts. At one moment she simply resented the selfishness of a man who had obtruded his dark looks and passionate language on her joy; for there is nothing that a woman can less easily forgive than the language of a passion which, even if only for the moment, she does not share. At another, she suspected him of jealousy against her father; and for that, although she could see excuses for it, she yet despised him. And at least, in one way or the other, here was the dangerous beginning of a separation between two hearts. Esther found herself at variance with her sweetest friend; she could no longer look into his heart and find it written with the same language as her own; she could no longer think of him as the sun which radiated happiness upon her life, for she had turned to him once, and he had breathed upon her black and chilly, radiated blackness and frost. To put the whole matter in a word, she was beginning, although ever so slightly, to fall out of love.
But the girl’s suspicions were raised, and although she didn’t pursue the matter further (in fact, her father was already seen coming back), it definitely lingered in her mind. At one moment, she simply resented the selfishness of a man who had forced his dark demeanor and intense words onto her happiness; because there’s nothing a woman finds harder to forgive than the expression of a passion she doesn’t share, even if just for a moment. At another moment, she suspected him of being jealous of her father; for that, even though she could understand his feelings, she despised him. And in one way or another, this was the troubling start of a rift between two hearts. Esther found herself at odds with her closest friend; she could no longer see his heart written in the same language as her own; she could no longer think of him as the sun that brought happiness into her life, because she had turned to him once, and he had exhaled upon her a chill, radiating darkness and frost. To sum it all up, she was slowly but surely starting to fall out of love.
p. 189CHAPTER VI—THE PRODIGAL FATHER GOES ON FROM STRENGTH TO STRENGTH
We will not follow all the steps of the Admiral’s return and installation, but hurry forward towards the catastrophe, merely chronicling by the way a few salient incidents, wherein we must rely entirely upon the evidence of Richard, for Esther to this day has never opened her mouth upon this trying passage of her life, and as for the Admiral—well, that naval officer, although still alive, and now more suitably installed in a seaport town where he has a telescope and a flag in his front garden, is incapable of throwing the slightest gleam of light upon the affair. Often and often has he remarked to the present writer: ‘If I know what it was all about, sir, I’ll be—’ in short, be what I hope he will not. And then he will look across at his daughter’s portrait, a photograph, shake his head with an amused appearance, and mix himself another grog by way of consolation. Once I heard him go farther, and express his feelings with regard to Esther in a single but eloquent word. ‘A minx, sir,’ he said, not in anger, rather in amusement: and he cordially drank her health upon the back of it. His worst enemy must admit him to be a man without malice; he never bore a grudge in his life, lacking the necessary taste and industry of attention.
We won’t go through every detail of the Admiral’s return and setup but will rush ahead to the disaster, noting along the way a few key moments, where we must depend entirely on Richard's account, since Esther has never spoken about this difficult time in her life. As for the Admiral—well, that naval officer, although still alive and now happily settled in a seaside town where he has a telescope and a flag in his front yard, is unable to shed any light on the situation. Time and again, he has told me, “If I knew what it was all about, sir, I’ll be—” in short, hoping he won’t end up whatever he might say next. Then he looks over at his daughter’s portrait, a photograph, shakes his head with a smirk, and makes himself another drink to soothe his thoughts. Once, I even heard him go further and sum up his feelings about Esther in one compelling word. “A minx, sir,” he said, not out of anger but rather in jest: and he cheerfully raised a toast to her. His worst critic would have to admit he’s a man without spite; he’s never held a grudge in his life, lacking the necessary taste and effort to dwell on it.
Yet it was during this obscure period that the drama was really performed; and its scene was in the heart of Esther, shut away from all eyes. Had this warm, upright, sullen girl been differently used by destiny, had events come upon her even in a different succession, for some things lead easily to others, the whole course of this tale would have been changed, and Esther never would have run away. As it was, through a series of acts and words of which we know but few, and a series of thoughts which any one may imagine for himself, she was awakened in four days from the dream of a life.
Yet it was during this unclear time that the real drama took place, and its setting was deep within Esther, hidden from everyone. If this warm, honest, and stubborn girl had been dealt a different fate, if events had unfolded in another order—since some things easily lead to others—the entire story would have been different, and Esther would never have fled. As it stands, through a series of actions and words that we know little about, along with a range of thoughts that anyone could envision, she was awakened from the dream of her life in just four days.
The first tangible cause of disenchantment was when Dick brought home a painter’s arsenal on Friday evening. The Admiral was in the chimney-corner, once more ‘sirrupping’ some brandy and water, and Esther sat at the table at work. They both came forward to greet the new arrival; and the girl, relieving him of his monstrous burthen, proceeded to display her offerings to her father. Van Tromp’s countenance fell several degrees; he became quite querulous.
The first real cause of disappointment was when Dick brought home a painter's supplies on Friday evening. The Admiral was sitting in the corner by the fireplace, once again sipping some brandy and water, and Esther was sitting at the table working. They both came over to welcome him, and the girl, taking the heavy load from him, started to show her father what she had brought. Van Tromp's expression dropped significantly; he became quite irritable.
‘God bless me,’ he said; and then, ‘I must really ask you not to interfere, child,’ in a tone of undisguised hostility.
“God bless me,” he said; and then, “I really have to ask you not to interfere, kid,” in a tone of clear hostility.
‘Father,’ she said, ‘forgive me; I knew you had given up your art—’
‘Dad,’ she said, ‘forgive me; I knew you had given up your art—’
‘Oh yes!’ cried the Admiral; ‘I’ve done with it to the judgment-day!’
‘Oh yes!’ shouted the Admiral; ‘I’m done with it until judgment day!’
‘Pardon me again,’ she said firmly, ‘but I do not, I cannot think that you are right in this. Suppose the world is unjust, suppose that no one understands you, you have still a duty to yourself. And, oh, don’t spoil the pleasure of your coming home to me; show me that you can be my father and yet not neglect your destiny. I am not like some daughters; I will not be jealous of your art, and I will try to understand it.’
“Excuse me again,” she said firmly, “but I really don’t think you’re right about this. Even if the world is unfair and no one gets you, you still have a responsibility to yourself. And please, don’t ruin the joy of your return to me; show me that you can be my father and still pursue your own path. I’m not like some daughters; I won’t be jealous of your art, and I’ll do my best to understand it.”
The situation was odiously farcical. Richard groaned under it; he longed to leap forward and denounce the humbug. And the humbug himself? Do you fancy he was easier in his mind? I am sure, on the other hand, that he was acutely miserable; and he betrayed his sufferings by a perfectly silly and undignified access of temper, during which he broke his pipe in several pieces, threw his brandy and water in the fire, and employed words which were very plain although the drift of them was somewhat vague. It was of very brief duration. Van Tromp was himself again, and in a most delightful humour within three minutes of the first explosion.
The situation was ridiculously absurd. Richard groaned under it; he wanted to jump up and call out the nonsense. And as for the one causing the nonsense? Do you think he felt any better? I’m sure he was extremely unhappy; he showed his misery with a completely silly and undignified outburst, during which he broke his pipe into several pieces, tossed his brandy and water into the fire, and used words that were very straightforward, even if their meaning was a bit unclear. It didn't last long. Van Tromp was himself again, and in a really good mood within three minutes of the first outburst.
‘I am an old fool,’ he said frankly. ‘I was spoiled when a child. As for you, Esther, you take after your mother; you have a morbid sense of duty, particularly for others; strive against it, my dear—strive against it. And as for the pigments, well, I’ll use them, some of these days; and to show that I’m in earnest, I’ll get Dick here to prepare a canvas.’
“I’m an old fool,” he said honestly. “I was spoiled as a child. As for you, Esther, you’re just like your mother; you have an unhealthy sense of duty, especially towards others; fight it, my dear—fight it. And about the paints, well, I’ll use them someday; and to prove I’m serious, I’ll get Dick to prepare a canvas.”
Dick was put to this menial task forthwith, the Admiral not even watching how he did, but quite occupied with another grog and a pleasant vein of talk.
Dick was immediately assigned this menial task, with the Admiral not even paying attention to how he was doing it, as he was busy with another drink and engaging in light conversation.
A little after Esther arose, and making some pretext, good or bad, went off to bed. Dick was left hobbled by the canvas, and was subjected to Van Tromp for about an hour.
A little after Esther got up, she made some excuse, whether good or bad, and went off to bed. Dick was left awkwardly stuck in the canvas and had to put up with Van Tromp for about an hour.
The next day, Saturday, it is believed that little intercourse took place between Esther and her father; but towards the afternoon Dick met the latter returning from the direction of the inn, where he had struck up quite a friendship with the landlord. Dick wondered who paid for these excursions, and at the thought that the reprobate must get his pocket money where he got his board and lodging, from poor Esther’s generosity, he had it almost in his heart to knock the old gentleman down. He, on his part, was full of airs and graces and geniality.
The next day, Saturday, it seems that very little interaction happened between Esther and her father; but in the afternoon, Dick ran into him coming back from the inn, where he had formed quite a friendship with the landlord. Dick wondered who was paying for these outings, and the idea that the old man was getting his pocket money from poor Esther’s generosity, the same place he got his food and shelter, almost made him want to knock the old guy down. The father, for his part, was full of pretentiousness and charm.
‘Dear Dick,’ he said, taking his arm, ‘this is neighbourly of you; it shows your tact to meet me when I had a wish for you. I am in pleasant spirits; and it is then that I desire a friend.’
‘Dear Dick,’ he said, taking his arm, ‘it's really kind of you to meet me when I was hoping to see you. I’m in a good mood, and it’s times like this that I want a friend.’
‘I am glad to hear you are so happy,’ retorted Dick bitterly. ‘There’s certainly not much to trouble you.’
‘I’m glad to hear you’re so happy,’ Dick replied bitterly. ‘There’s definitely not much to bother you.’
‘No,’ assented the Admiral, ‘not much. I got out of it in time; and here—well, here everything pleases me. I am plain in my tastes. ‘A propos, you have never asked me how I liked my daughter?’
‘No,’ agreed the Admiral, ‘not much. I got out of it in time; and here—well, here everything pleases me. I’m simple in my tastes. By the way, you’ve never asked me how I feel about my daughter?’
‘No,’ said Dick roundly; ‘I certainly have not.’
'No,' Dick said firmly; 'I definitely have not.'
‘Meaning you will not. And why, Dick? She is my daughter, of course; but then I am a man of the world and a man of taste, and perfectly qualified to give an opinion with impartiality—yes, Dick, with impartiality. Frankly, I am not disappointed in her. She has good looks; she has them from her mother. So I may say I chose her looks. She is devoted, quite devoted to me—’
‘Meaning you will not. And why, Dick? She is my daughter, of course; but I'm a man of the world and a man of taste, and perfectly qualified to give an opinion fairly—yes, Dick, fairly. Honestly, I’m not disappointed in her. She has good looks; she gets them from her mother. So I can say I chose her looks. She is devoted, really devoted to me—’
‘She is the best woman in the world!’ broke out Dick.
‘She is the best woman in the world!’ exclaimed Dick.
‘Dick,’ cried the Admiral, stopping short; ‘I have been expecting this. Let us—let us go back to the “Trevanion Arms” and talk this matter out over a bottle.’
‘Dick,’ shouted the Admiral, coming to a sudden halt; ‘I saw this coming. Let’s—let’s head back to the “Trevanion Arms” and sort this out over a drink.’
‘Certainly not,’ went Dick. ‘You have had far too much already.’
"Definitely not," said Dick. "You've had way too much already."
The parasite was on the point of resenting this; but a look at Dick’s face, and some recollection of the terms on which they had stood in Paris, came to the aid of his wisdom and restrained him.
The parasite was about to take offense at this; but seeing Dick's face and remembering the terms of their relationship in Paris helped him stay wise and held him back.
‘As you please,’ he said; ‘although I don’t know what you mean—nor care. But let us walk, if you prefer it. You are still a young man; when you are my age— But, however, to continue. You please me, Dick; you have pleased me from the first; and to say truth, Esther is a trifle fantastic, and will be better when she is married. She has means of her own, as of course you are aware. They come, like the looks, from her poor, dear, good creature of a mother. She was blessed in her mother. I mean she shall be blessed in her husband, and you are the man, Dick, you and not another. This very night I will sound her affections.’
"Do whatever you want," he said, "though I don't really know what you mean, and I don't care. But let's walk if that's what you prefer. You're still young; when you're my age—well, anyway, back to the point. I like you, Dick; I've liked you from the start. To be honest, Esther is a bit quirky and will be better once she's married. She has her own money, as you know. It comes, like her looks, from her sweet, wonderful mother. She was lucky to have her as a mother. I expect she'll be lucky with her husband, and that husband is you, Dick, and no one else. Tonight, I plan to gauge her feelings."
Dick stood aghast.
Dick stood in shock.
‘Mr. Van Tromp, I implore you,’ he said; ‘do what you please with yourself, but, for God’s sake, let your daughter alone.’
‘Mr. Van Tromp, I beg you,’ he said; ‘do whatever you want with yourself, but for heaven's sake, leave your daughter alone.’
‘It is my duty,’ replied the Admiral, ‘and between ourselves, you rogue, my inclination too. I am as matchmaking as a dowager. It will be more discreet for you to stay away to-night. Farewell. You leave your case in good hands; I have the tact of these little matters by heart; it is not my first attempt.’
“It’s my responsibility,” the Admiral replied, “and to be honest, I’m also quite interested. I’m as keen on matchmaking as a seasoned widow. It’d be better for you to stay away tonight. Goodbye. You’re leaving your situation in good hands; I know how to handle these things well; this isn’t my first rodeo.”
All arguments were in vain; the old rascal stuck to his point; nor did Richard conceal from himself how seriously this might injure his prospects, and he fought hard. Once there came a glimmer of hope. The Admiral again proposed an adjournment to the ‘Trevanion Arms,’ and when Dick had once more refused, it hung for a moment in the balance whether or not the old toper would return there by himself. Had he done so, of course Dick could have taken to his heels, and warned Esther of what was coming, and of how it had begun. But the Admiral, after a pause, decided for the brandy at home, and made off in that direction.
All arguments were pointless; the old guy stuck to his opinion; nor did Richard fool himself about how badly this could hurt his chances, and he fought hard. Once, there was a glimmer of hope. The Admiral suggested taking a break at the ‘Trevanion Arms’ again, and when Dick refused once more, it briefly hung in the balance whether the old drunk would go back there by himself. If he had, Dick could have run away and warned Esther about what was coming and how it all started. But the Admiral, after a pause, chose to go home for some brandy and headed that way.
We have no details of the sounding.
We don't have any details about the sounding.
Next day the Admiral was observed in the parish church, very properly dressed. He found the places, and joined in response and hymn, as to the manner born; and his appearance, as he intended it should, attracted some attention among the worshippers. Old Naseby, for instance, had observed him.
Next day, the Admiral was seen in the parish church, appropriately dressed. He found the places and participated in the responses and hymns naturally, like someone who belonged there. His appearance, as he intended, drew some attention from the worshippers. Old Naseby, for example, had noticed him.
‘There was a drunken-looking blackguard opposite us in church,’ he said to his son as they drove home; ‘do you know who he was?’
‘There was a drunk-looking jerk across from us in church,’ he said to his son as they drove home; ‘do you know who he was?’
‘Some fellow—Van Tromp, I believe,’ said Dick.
‘Some guy—Van Tromp, I think,’ said Dick.
‘A foreigner, too!’ observed the Squire.
‘A foreigner, too!’ noted the Squire.
Dick could not sufficiently congratulate himself on the escape he had effected. Had the Admiral met him with his father, what would have been the result? And could such a catastrophe be long postponed? It seemed to him as if the storm were nearly ripe; and it was so more nearly than he thought.
Dick couldn't stop congratulating himself on the escape he had managed. If the Admiral had met him with his father, what would have happened? And could such a disaster be delayed for much longer? It felt to him like the storm was almost ready to break; and it was closer than he realized.
He did not go to the cottage in the afternoon, withheld by fear and shame; but when dinner was over at Naseby House, and the Squire had gone off into a comfortable doze, Dick slipped out of the room, and ran across country, in part to save time, in part to save his own courage from growing cold; for he now hated the notion of the cottage or the Admiral, and if he did not hate, at least feared to think of Esther. He had no clue to her reflections; but he could not conceal from his own heart that he must have sunk in her esteem, and the spectacle of her infatuation galled him like an insult.
He didn’t go to the cottage in the afternoon, held back by fear and shame; but after dinner at Naseby House, when the Squire had settled into a comfy nap, Dick slipped out of the room and ran across the countryside. He did it partly to save time and partly to keep his courage from fading; he now disliked the idea of the cottage and the Admiral, and if he didn’t totally hate it, he at least dreaded thinking about Esther. He had no idea what she was thinking, but he couldn’t hide from himself that he must have fallen in her eyes, and seeing her infatuation felt like an insult.
He knocked and was admitted. The room looked very much as on his last visit, with Esther at the table and Van Tromp beside the fire; but the expression of the two faces told a very different story. The girl was paler than usual; her eyes were dark, the colour seemed to have faded from round about them, and her swiftest glance was as intent as a stare. The appearance of the Admiral, on the other hand, was rosy, and flabby, and moist; his jowl hung over his shirt collar, his smile was loose and wandering, and he had so far relaxed the natural control of his eyes, that one of them was aimed inward, as if to watch the growth of the carbuncle. We are warned against bad judgments; but the Admiral was certainly not sober. He made no attempt to rise when Richard entered, but waved his pipe flightily in the air, and gave a leer of welcome. Esther took as little notice of him as might be.
He knocked and was let in. The room looked pretty much the same as his last visit, with Esther at the table and Van Tromp by the fire; but the expressions on their faces told a very different story. The girl was paler than usual; her eyes were dark, the color seemed to have faded from around them, and her quickest glance was as focused as a stare. The Admiral, on the other hand, looked rosy, soft, and sweaty; his jowl hung over his shirt collar, his smile was loose and wandering, and he had relaxed his usual eye control so much that one of his eyes was aimed inward, as if watching the growth of the carbuncle. We are warned against making bad judgments, but the Admiral was definitely not sober. He didn’t even try to get up when Richard entered; instead, he waved his pipe around in the air and gave a goofy smile of welcome. Esther paid him as little attention as possible.
‘Aha! Dick!’ cried the painter. ‘I’ve been to church; I have, upon my word. And I saw you there, though you didn’t see me. And I saw a devilish pretty woman, by Gad. If it were not for this baldness, and a kind of crapulous air I can’t disguise from myself—if it weren’t for this and that and t’other thing—I—I’ve forgot what I was saying. Not that that matters, I’ve heaps of things to say. I’m in a communicative vein to-night. I’ll let out all my cats, even unto seventy times seven. I’m in what I call the stage, and all I desire is a listener, although he were deaf, to be as happy as Nebuchadnezzar.’
“Aha! Dick!” shouted the painter. “I’ve been to church; I really have. And I saw you there, even though you didn’t notice me. And I saw a really attractive woman, I swear. If it weren't for this baldness and the kind of hungover look I can’t hide from myself—if it weren't for that and a couple of other things—I—I’ve forgotten what I was saying. Not that it matters; I have plenty to say. I’m feeling talkative tonight. I’ll spill all my secrets, even up to seventy times seven. I’m in what I call the spotlight, and all I want is a listener, even if they’re deaf, to be as happy as Nebuchadnezzar.”
Of the two hours which followed upon this it is unnecessary to give more than a sketch. The Admiral was extremely silly, now and then amusing, and never really offensive. It was plain that he kept in view the presence of his daughter, and chose subjects and a character of language that should not offend a lady. On almost any other occasion Dick would have enjoyed the scene. Van Tromp’s egotism, flown with drink, struck a pitch above mere vanity. He became candid and explanatory; sought to take his auditors entirely into his confidence, and tell them his inmost conviction about himself. Between his self-knowledge, which was considerable, and his vanity, which was immense, he had created a strange hybrid animal, and called it by his own name. How he would plume his feathers over virtues which would have gladdened the heart of Cæsar or St. Paul; and anon, complete his own portrait with one of those touches of pitiless realism which the satirist so often seeks in vain.
Of the two hours that followed, it’s unnecessary to describe more than a brief overview. The Admiral was quite foolish, sometimes entertaining, and never really offensive. It was clear he was mindful of his daughter’s presence and chose topics and a tone that wouldn't upset a lady. On almost any other occasion, Dick would have enjoyed the scene. Van Tromp’s drunken ego was over-the-top, crossing the line from simple vanity. He became open and explanatory, trying to bring his listeners completely into his confidence and share his deepest thoughts about himself. Between his considerable self-awareness and his immense vanity, he created a strange hybrid and called it after himself. He would brag about virtues that would have pleased Cæsar or St. Paul; then, he'd finish his own portrait with one of those brutally honest touches that satirists often seek in vain.
‘Now, there’s Dick,’ he said, ‘he’s shrewd; he saw through me the first time we met, and told me so—told me so to my face, which I had the virtue to keep. I bear you no malice for it, Dick; you were right; I am a humbug.’
‘Now, there’s Dick,’ he said, ‘he's sharp; he saw right through me the first time we met and told me so—told me so to my face, which I managed to take with dignity. I hold no grudge against you for it, Dick; you were right; I am a fraud.’
You may fancy how Esther quailed at this new feature of the meeting between her two idols.
You can imagine how Esther felt uneasy about this new aspect of the meeting between her two idols.
And then, again, in a parenthesis:—
And then, again, (—)
‘That,’ said Van Tromp, ‘was when I had to paint those dirty daubs of mine.’
‘That,’ said Van Tromp, ‘was when I had to paint those messy scribbles of mine.’
And a little further on, laughingly said perhaps, but yet with an air of truth:—
And a little further on, maybe said jokingly, but still with a hint of truth:—
‘I never had the slightest hesitation in sponging upon any human creature.’
‘I never felt the slightest hesitation in depending on any human being.’
Thereupon Dick got up.
Then Dick got up.
‘I think perhaps,’ he said, ‘we had better all be thinking of going to bed.’ And he smiled with a feeble and deprecatory smile.
"I think maybe," he said, "we should all consider going to bed." And he smiled with a weak and embarrassed smile.
‘Not at all,’ cried the Admiral, ‘I know a trick worth two of that. Puss here,’ indicating his daughter, ‘shall go to bed; and you and I will keep it up till all’s blue.’
'Not at all,' shouted the Admiral, 'I know a trick that's way better than that. Puss here,' pointing to his daughter, 'will go to bed; and you and I will keep this party going until dawn.'
Thereupon Esther arose in sullen glory. She had sat and listened for two mortal hours while her idol defiled himself and sneered away his godhead. One by one, her illusions had departed. And now he wished to order her to bed in her own house! now he called her Puss! now, even as he uttered the words, toppling on his chair, he broke the stem of his tobacco-pipe in three! Never did the sheep turn upon her shearer with a more commanding front. Her voice was calm, her enunciation a little slow, but perfectly distinct, and she stood before him as she spoke, in the simplest and most maidenly attitude.
Then Esther rose in a gloomy kind of glory. She had listened for two long hours while her idol ruined himself and mocked everything he once represented. One by one, her illusions had faded away. And now he wanted to send her to bed in her own house! Now he was calling her Puss! Just as he said that, he toppled over in his chair and broke the stem of his tobacco pipe into three pieces! Never had a sheep confronted its shearer with a more commanding presence. Her voice was calm, her words a bit slow, but completely clear, and she stood before him as she spoke, in the simplest and most ladylike manner.
‘No,’ she said, ‘Mr. Naseby will have the goodness to go home at once, and you will go to bed.’
‘No,’ she said, ‘Mr. Naseby will kindly go home right away, and you need to go to bed.’
The broken fragments of pipe fell from the Admiral’s fingers; he seemed by his countenance to have lived too long in a world unworthy of him; but it is an odd circumstance, he attempted no reply, and sat thunderstruck, with open mouth.
The broken pieces of pipe slipped from the Admiral’s fingers; his expression suggested that he had lived too long in a world that didn't deserve him. Strangely, he made no attempt to respond and sat there in shock, mouth agape.
Dick she motioned sharply towards the door, and he could only obey her. In the porch, finding she was close behind him, he ventured to pause and whisper, ‘You have done right.’
Dick, she pointed sharply towards the door, and he could only comply. On the porch, realizing she was right behind him, he dared to stop and whisper, ‘You did the right thing.’
‘I have done as I pleased,’ she said. ‘Can he paint?’
‘I did what I wanted,’ she said. ‘Can he paint?’
‘Many people like his paintings,’ returned Dick, in stifled tones; ‘I never did; I never said I did,’ he added, fiercely defending himself before he was attacked.
"Many people like his paintings," Dick replied, his voice barely above a whisper. "I never did; I never said I did," he added, fiercely defending himself before anyone could criticize him.
‘I ask you if he can paint. I will not be put off. Can he paint?’ she repeated.
‘I ask you if he can paint. I will not be put off. Can he paint?’ she repeated.
‘No,’ said Dick.
‘No,’ replied Dick.
‘Does he even like it?’
'Does he even enjoy it?'
‘Not now, I believe.’
‘Not now, I think.’
‘And he is drunk?’—she leaned upon the word with hatred.
‘And he is drunk?’—she emphasized the word with disdain.
‘He has been drinking.’
"He's been drinking."
‘Go,’ she said, and was turning to re-enter the house when another thought arrested her. ‘Meet me to-morrow morning at the stile,’ she said.
‘Go,’ she said, and was about to go back inside the house when another thought stopped her. ‘Meet me tomorrow morning at the stile,’ she said.
‘I will,’ replied Dick.
"I will," Dick replied.
And then the door closed behind her, and Dick was alone in the darkness. There was still a chink of light above the sill, a warm, mild glow behind the window; the roof of the cottage and some of the banks and hazels were defined in denser darkness against the sky; but all else was formless, breathless, and noiseless like the pit. Dick remained as she had left him, standing squarely upon one foot and resting only on the toe of the other, and as he stood he listened with his soul. The sound of a chair pushed sharply over the floor startled his heart into his mouth; but the silence which had thus been disturbed settled back again at once upon the cottage and its vicinity. What took place during this interval is a secret from the world of men; but when it was over the voice of Esther spoke evenly and without interruption for perhaps half a minute, and as soon as that ceased heavy and uncertain footfalls crossed the parlour and mounted lurching up the stairs. The girl had tamed her father, Van Tromp had gone obediently to bed: so much was obvious to the watcher in the road. And yet he still waited, straining his ears, and with terror and sickness at his heart; for if Esther had followed her father, if she had even made one movement in this great conspiracy of men and nature to be still, Dick must have had instant knowledge of it from his station before the door; and if she had not moved, must she not have fainted? or might she not be dead?
And then the door closed behind her, and Dick was alone in the darkness. There was still a sliver of light above the sill, a warm, gentle glow behind the window; the roof of the cottage and some of the banks and hazels were outlined in deeper darkness against the sky; but everything else was shapeless, lifeless, and silent like a void. Dick stood just as she had left him, balanced on one foot and resting only on the toe of the other, and as he stood there, he listened with all his being. The sound of a chair sliding sharply across the floor made his heart leap into his throat; but the silence that had been disturbed quickly settled back over the cottage and its surroundings. What happened during this time is a secret from the human world; but when it was over, Esther’s voice spoke steadily and continuously for maybe half a minute, and as soon as that stopped, heavy and unsteady footsteps moved across the parlor and stumbled up the stairs. The girl had subdued her father, and Van Tromp had gone obediently to bed: that was clear to the watcher on the road. Yet he continued to wait, straining to hear, with dread and nausea in his heart; for if Esther had followed her father, if she had even made one movement in this great scheme of men and nature to be silent, Dick would have known it instantly from his spot by the door; and if she hadn’t moved, could she not have fainted? Or could she possibly be dead?
He could hear the cottage clock deliberately measure out the seconds; time stood still with him; an almost superstitious terror took command of his faculties; at last, he could bear no more, and, springing through the little garden in two bounds, he put his face against the window. The blind, which had not been drawn fully down, left an open chink about an inch in height along the bottom of the glass, and the whole parlour was thus exposed to Dick’s investigation. Esther sat upright at the table, her head resting on her hand, her eyes fixed upon the candle. Her brows were slightly bent, her mouth slightly open; her whole attitude so still and settled that Dick could hardly fancy that she breathed. She had not stirred at the sound of Dick’s arrival. Soon after, making a considerable disturbance amid the vast silence of the night, the clock lifted up its voice, whined for a while like a partridge, and then eleven times hooted like a cuckoo. Still Esther continued immovable and gazed upon the candle. Midnight followed, and then one of the morning; and still she had not stirred, nor had Richard Naseby dared to quit the window. And then, about half-past one, the candle she had been thus intently watching flared up into a last blaze of paper, and she leaped to her feet with an ejaculation, looked about her once, blew out the light, turned round, and was heard rapidly mounting the staircase in the dark.
He could hear the cottage clock ticking out the seconds; time felt like it had stopped for him; an almost superstitious fear took over his senses; finally, he couldn't take it anymore and, leaping through the small garden in two jumps, pressed his face against the window. The blind, which hadn’t been fully pulled down, left a small gap about an inch high at the bottom of the glass, exposing the entire living room to Dick’s view. Esther sat upright at the table, her head resting on her hand, her eyes fixed on the candle. Her brows were slightly furrowed, her mouth slightly open; her entire posture was so still and settled that Dick could hardly believe she was breathing. She hadn't moved at the sound of Dick’s arrival. Soon after, breaking the vast silence of the night, the clock raised its voice, whined for a moment like a partridge, and then hooted eleven times like a cuckoo. Still, Esther remained motionless, staring at the candle. Midnight passed, then one in the morning; she had not moved, nor had Richard Naseby dared to leave the window. Then, around half-past one, the candle she had been watching flared up into a final blaze of paper, and she jumped to her feet with an exclamation, looked around once, blew out the light, turned, and was heard quickly heading up the staircase in the dark.
Dick was left once more alone to darkness and to that dulled and dogged state of mind when a man thinks that Misery must now have done her worst, and is almost glad to think so. He turned and walked slowly towards the stile; she had told him no hour, and he was determined, whenever she came, that she should find him waiting. As he got there the day began to dawn, and he leaned over a hurdle and beheld the shadows flee away. Up went the sun at last out of a bank of clouds that were already disbanding in the east; a herald wind had already sprung up to sweep the leafy earth and scatter the congregated dewdrops. ‘Alas!’ thought Dick Naseby, ‘how can any other day come so distastefully to me?’ He still wanted his experience of the morrow.
Dick found himself alone again, surrounded by darkness and in that heavy, persistent mindset where a person figures that Misery must have reached her limit, and is nearly relieved to think so. He turned and slowly walked toward the stile; she hadn't given him a time, and he was set on making sure that when she arrived, she'd find him waiting. As he reached it, dawn began to break, and he leaned over a hurdle to watch the shadows vanish. Finally, the sun rose from a bank of clouds that were already breaking apart in the east; a refreshing wind had picked up to clear the leafy ground and disperse the droplets of dew. ‘Oh no!’ thought Dick Naseby, ‘how could any other day feel so unpleasant to me?’ He was still yearning for the experiences of the next day.
p. 204CHAPTER VII—THE ELOPEMENT
It was probably on the stroke of ten, and Dick had been half asleep for some time against the bank, when Esther came up the road carrying a bundle. Some kind of instinct, or perhaps the distant light footfalls, recalled him, while she was still a good way off, to the possession of his faculties, and he half raised himself and blinked upon the world. It took him some time to recollect his thoughts. He had awakened with a certain blank and childish sense of pleasure, like a man who had received a legacy overnight; but this feeling gradually died away, and was then suddenly and stunningly succeeded by a conviction of the truth. The whole story of the past night sprang into his mind with every detail, as by an exercise of the direct and speedy sense of sight, and he arose from the ditch and, with rueful courage, went to meet his love.
It was probably around ten o'clock, and Dick had been half asleep for a while against the bank when Esther came up the road carrying a bundle. Some kind of instinct, or maybe the faint sound of footsteps, brought him back to reality while she was still quite far away, and he pushed himself up and blinked in the light. It took him a moment to gather his thoughts. He had woken up feeling a strange, childish joy, like someone who had unexpectedly inherited something valuable; but this feeling quickly faded, only to be replaced by a striking realization of the truth. The entire events of the previous night rushed back to him in vivid detail, as if he could see them clearly, and he climbed out of the ditch and, with a bittersweet bravery, went to meet his love.
She came up to him walking steady and fast, her face still pale, but to all appearance perfectly composed; and she showed neither surprise, relief, nor pleasure at finding her lover on the spot. Nor did she offer him her hand.
She approached him, walking quickly and steadily, her face still pale but seemingly completely composed; she showed no surprise, relief, or pleasure at seeing her lover there. Nor did she offer him her hand.
‘Here I am,’ said he.
“Here I am,” he said.
‘Yes,’ she replied; and then, without a pause or any change of voice, ‘I want you to take me away,’ she added.
‘Yes,’ she replied; and then, without a break or any change in her tone, ‘I want you to take me away,’ she added.
‘Away?’ he repeated. ‘How? Where?’
“Away?” he repeated. “How? Where?”
‘To-day,’ she said. ‘I do not care where it is, but I want you to take me away.’
‘Today,’ she said. ‘I don’t care where it is, but I want you to take me away.’
‘For how long? I do not understand,’ gasped Dick.
‘For how long? I don’t get it,’ gasped Dick.
‘I shall never come back here any more,’ was all she answered.
‘I’m never coming back here again,’ was all she said.
Wild words uttered, as these were, with perfect quiet of manner and voice, exercise a double influence on the hearer’s mind. Dick was confounded; he recovered from astonishment only to fall into doubt and alarm. He looked upon her frozen attitude, so discouraging for a lover to behold, and recoiled from the thoughts which it suggested.
Wild words spoken in an entirely calm manner and voice have a powerful effect on the listener’s mind. Dick was stunned; he moved from shock only to be overcome with uncertainty and fear. He looked at her rigid stance, which was so disheartening for a lover to see, and shrank back from the thoughts it inspired.
‘To me?’ he asked. ‘Are you coming to me, Esther?’
‘To me?’ he asked. ‘Are you coming to me, Esther?’
‘I want you to take me away,’ she repeated with weary impatience. ‘Take me away—take me away from here.’
‘I want you to take me away,’ she repeated with tired impatience. ‘Take me away—take me away from here.’
The situation was not sufficiently defined. Dick asked himself with concern whether she were altogether in her right wits. To take her away, to marry her, to work off his hands for her support, Dick was content to do all this; yet he required some show of love upon her part. He was not one of those tough-hided and small-hearted males who would marry their love at the point of the bayonet rather than not marry her at all. He desired that a woman should come to his arms with an attractive willingness, if not with ardour. And Esther’s bearing was more that of despair than that of love. It chilled him and taught him wisdom.
The situation wasn't clearly defined. Dick worried about whether she was completely sane. He was willing to take her away, marry her, and work to support her, but he needed some indication of love from her side. He wasn't one of those hard-hearted guys who would force a marriage at any cost. He wanted a woman to come to him willingly, if not passionately. But Esther’s attitude was more about despair than love. It made him uncomfortable and taught him a lesson.
‘Dearest,’ he urged, ‘tell me what you wish, and you shall have it; tell me your thoughts, and then I can advise you. But to go from here without a plan, without forethought, in the heat of a moment, is madder than madness, and can help nothing. I am not speaking like a man, but I speak the truth; and I tell you again, the thing’s absurd, and wrong, and hurtful.’
‘Darling,’ he pleaded, ‘just tell me what you want, and you'll get it. Share your thoughts with me, and then I can help you. But leaving here without a plan, without thinking it through, just in the heat of the moment, is crazier than crazy and won't do any good. I'm not just saying this casually; I'm being honest with you. It’s really just unreasonable, wrong, and harmful.’
She looked at him with a lowering, languid look of wrath.
She gave him a slow, tired glare of anger.
‘So you will not take me?’ she said. ‘Well, I will go alone.’
‘So you're not going to take me?’ she said. ‘Fine, I’ll go by myself.’
And she began to step forward on her way. But he threw himself before her.
And she started to move forward on her path. But he threw himself in front of her.
‘Esther, Esther!’ he cried.
‘Esther, Esther!’ he yelled.
‘Let me go—don’t touch me—what right have you to interfere? Who are you, to touch me?’ she flashed out, shrill with anger.
‘Let me go—don’t touch me—what right do you have to interfere? Who are you to touch me?’ she shot back, her voice sharp with anger.
Then, being made bold by her violence, he took her firmly, almost roughly, by the arm, and held her while he spoke.
Then, feeling emboldened by her aggression, he took her firmly, almost aggressively, by the arm and held her as he spoke.
‘You know well who I am, and what I am, and that I love you. You say I will not help you; but your heart knows the contrary. It is you who will not help me; for you will not tell me what you want. You see—or you could see, if you took the pains to look—how I have waited here all night to be ready at your service. I only asked information; I only urged you to consider; and I still urge and beg you to think better of your fancies. But if your mind is made up, so be it; I will beg no longer; I give you my orders; and I will not allow—not allow you to go hence alone.’
'You know who I am, and what I am, and that I love you. You say I won't help you, but deep down you know that's not true. It's actually you who won't help me because you won't tell me what you want. You can see— or you would see if you bothered to look—how I've waited here all night, ready to help you. I only asked for information; I only encouraged you to think things through; and I still urge and plead for you to reconsider your thoughts. But if you've made up your mind, fine; I won’t ask anymore; I’m giving you my orders, and I will not allow you to leave here alone.'
She looked at him for awhile with cold, unkind scrutiny like one who tries the temper of a tool.
She stared at him for a while with a cold, critical eye, like someone testing the sharpness of a tool.
‘Well, take me away, then,’ she said with a sigh.
‘Well, take me away, then,’ she said with a sigh.
‘Good,’ said Dick. ‘Come with me to the stables; there we shall get the pony-trap and drive to the junction. To-night you shall be in London. I am yours so wholly that no words can make me more so; and, besides, you know it, and the words are needless. May God help me to be good to you, Esther—may God help me! for I see that you will not.’
‘Good,’ said Dick. ‘Come with me to the stables; we’ll grab the pony-trap and head to the junction. Tonight, you’ll be in London. I’m completely yours in a way that words can’t express; besides, you already know it, so there’s no need for words. May God help me to treat you well, Esther—may God help me! Because I can see that you won't.’
So, without more speech, they set out together, and were already got some distance from the spot, ere he observed that she was still carrying the hand-bag. She gave it up to him, passively, but when he offered her his arm, merely shook her head and pursed up her lips. The sun shone clearly and pleasantly; the wind was fresh and brisk upon their faces, and smelt racily of woods and meadows. As they went down into the valley of the Thyme, the babble of the stream rose into the air like a perennial laughter. On the far-away hills, sun-burst and shadow raced along the slopes and leaped from peak to peak. Earth, air and water, each seemed in better health and had more of the shrewd salt of life in them than upon ordinary mornings; and from east to west, from the lowest glen to the height of heaven, from every look and touch and scent, a human creature could gather the most encouraging intelligence as to the durability and spirit of the universe.
So, without saying more, they set off together and had already covered some distance from the spot when he noticed that she was still holding the handbag. She handed it over to him without resistance, but when he offered her his arm, she just shook her head and pressed her lips together. The sun shone brightly and pleasantly; the wind was fresh and brisk on their faces, carrying the lively scents of woods and meadows. As they descended into the valley of the Thyme, the sound of the stream rose into the air like a constant laughter. On the distant hills, sunlight and shadows raced along the slopes and jumped from peak to peak. Earth, air, and water all seemed healthier and had more of life’s sharp zest in them than on usual mornings; and from east to west, from the deepest valley to the highest sky, every sight, touch, and scent offered a human being the most uplifting insights about the resilience and spirit of the universe.
Through all this walked Esther, picking her small steps like a bird, but silent and with a cloud under her thick eyebrows. She seemed insensible, not only of nature, but of the presence of her companion. She was altogether engrossed in herself, and looked neither to right nor to left, but straight before her on the road. When they came to the bridge, however, she halted, leaned on the parapet, and stared for a moment at the clear, brown pool, and swift, transient snowdrift of the rapids.
Through all of this, Esther walked, taking small steps like a bird, but quietly and with a frown under her thick eyebrows. She seemed unaware, not only of her surroundings but also of her companion's presence. She was completely absorbed in her own thoughts, looking straight ahead on the road without glancing to the right or left. However, when they reached the bridge, she stopped, leaned on the railing, and stared for a moment at the clear, brown pool and the quick, fleeting snowdrift of the rapids.
‘I am going to drink,’ she said; and descended the winding footpath to the margin.
‘I’m going to drink,’ she said, and walked down the winding footpath to the edge.
There she drank greedily in her hands and washed her temples with water. The coolness seemed to break, for an instant, the spell that lay upon her; for, instead of hastening forward again in her dull, indefatigable tramp, she stood still where she was, for near a minute, looking straight before her. And Dick, from above on the bridge where he stood to watch her, saw a strange, equivocal smile dawn slowly on her face and pass away again at once and suddenly, leaving her as grave as ever; and the sense of distance, which it is so cruel for a lover to endure, pressed with every moment more heavily on her companion. Her thoughts were all secret; her heart was locked and bolted; and he stood without, vainly wooing her with his eves.
There she drank eagerly from her hands and washed her forehead with water. The coolness seemed to temporarily break the spell she was under; instead of moving forward again in her tired, relentless march, she paused where she was for nearly a minute, staring straight ahead. And Dick, watching her from above on the bridge, noticed a strange, ambiguous smile slowly appear on her face and then vanish just as quickly, leaving her as serious as ever. The sense of distance, which is so painful for a lover to bear, weighed even more heavily on him with each passing moment. Her thoughts were all private; her heart was locked up tight; and he stood outside, desperately trying to catch her attention with his eyes.
‘Do you feel better?’ asked Dick, as she at last rejoined him; and after the constraint of so long a silence, his voice sounded foreign to his own ears.
“Do you feel better?” asked Dick as she finally came back to him; after so long in silence, his voice sounded strange to his own ears.
She looked at him for an appreciable fraction of a minute ere she answered, and when she did, it was in the monosyllable—‘Yes.’
She stared at him for a noticeable moment before she replied, and when she did, it was with just one word—‘Yes.’
Dick’s solicitude was nipped and frosted. His words died away on his tongue. Even his eyes, despairing of encouragement, ceased to attend on hers. And they went on in silence through Kirton hamlet, where an old man followed them with his eyes, and perhaps envied them their youth and love; and across the Ivy beck where the mill was splashing and grumbling low thunder to itself in the chequered shadow of the dell, and the miller before the door was beating flour from his hands as he whistled a modulation; and up by the high spinney, whence they saw the mountains upon either hand; and down the hill again to the back courts and offices of Naseby House. Esther had kept ahead all the way, and Dick plodded obediently in her wake; but as they neared the stables, he pushed on and took the lead. He would have preferred her to await him in the road while he went on and brought the carriage back, but after so many repulses and rebuffs he lacked courage to offer the suggestion. Perhaps, too, he felt it wiser to keep his convoy within sight. So they entered the yard in Indian file, like a tramp and his wife.
Dick's concern was cut short and frozen. His words faded away on his tongue. Even his eyes, losing hope for encouragement, stopped focusing on hers. They walked in silence through Kirton hamlet, where an old man watched them, possibly envying their youth and love; and across the Ivy beck where the mill was splashing and grumbling softly to itself in the dappled shade of the dell, with the miller outside the door shaking flour from his hands as he whistled a tune; and up by the high spinney, from where they could see the mountains on either side; and down the hill again to the back courts and service areas of Naseby House. Esther had stayed ahead the whole way, and Dick trudged obediently behind her; but as they approached the stables, he pushed ahead and took the lead. He would have preferred her to wait for him in the road while he went to fetch the carriage, but after so many rejections he lacked the courage to suggest it. Perhaps he also thought it was smarter to keep her in sight. So they entered the yard one after the other, like a tramp and his wife.
The grooms eyebrows rose as he received the order for the pony-phaeton, and kept rising during all his preparations. Esther stood bolt upright and looked steadily at some chickens in the corner of the yard. Master Richard himself, thought the groom, was not in his ordinary; for in truth, he carried the hand-bag like a talisman, and either stood listless, or set off suddenly walking in one direction after another with brisk, decisive footsteps. Moreover he had apparently neglected to wash his hands, and bore the air of one returning from a prolonged nutting ramble. Upon the groom’s countenance there began to grow up an expression as of one about to whistle. And hardly had the carriage turned the corner and rattled into the high road with this inexplicable pair, than the whistle broke forth—prolonged, and low and tremulous; and the groom, already so far relieved, vented the rest of his surprise in one simple English word, friendly to the mouth of Jack-tar and the sooty pitman, and hurried to spread the news round the servants’ hall of Naseby House. Luncheon would be on the table in little beyond an hour; and the Squire, on sitting down, would hardly fail to ask for Master Richard. Hence, as the intelligent reader can foresee, this groom has a part to play in the imbroglio.
The groom’s eyebrows went up as he got the order for the pony-phaeton, and they kept rising as he got everything ready. Esther stood straight and stared at some chickens in the corner of the yard. The groom thought Master Richard himself didn’t seem quite himself; he carried the hand-bag like a good-luck charm and either stood around listlessly or suddenly walked briskly in different directions. He also seemed to have forgotten to wash his hands and looked like someone coming back from a long day of nut-gathering. The groom’s face started to show an expression like he was about to whistle. And barely had the carriage turned the corner and clattered onto the main road with this strange pair than the whistle came out—long, low, and shaky; and the groom, already feeling relieved, expressed the rest of his surprise with one simple English word, familiar to sailors and coal miners, and rushed to share the news in the servants’ hall of Naseby House. Lunch would be served in just over an hour, and the Squire, when he sat down, would surely ask about Master Richard. So, as the smart reader can see, this groom has a role to play in the unfolding situation.
Meantime, Dick had been thinking deeply and bitterly. It seemed to him as if his love had gone from him, indeed, yet gone but a little way; as if he needed but to find the right touch or intonation, and her heart would recognise him and be melted. Yet he durst not open his mouth, and drove in silence till they had passed the main park-gates and turned into the cross-cut lane along the wall. Then it seemed to him as if it must be now, or never.
In the meantime, Dick had been thinking deeply and with frustration. It felt like his love had slipped away from him, but not completely; it was as if he just needed to find the right way to say something, and her heart would remember him and soften. Yet he didn’t dare to speak, and he drove in silence until they had passed the main park gates and turned onto the side road along the wall. At that point, it felt like it had to happen now or never.
‘Can’t you see you are killing me?’ he cried. ‘Speak to me, look at me, treat me like a human man.’
“Can’t you see you’re killing me?” he yelled. “Talk to me, look at me, treat me like a real man.”
She turned slowly and looked him in the face with eyes that seemed kinder. He dropped the reins and caught her hand, and she made no resistance, although her touch was unresponsive. But when, throwing one arm round her waist, he sought to kiss her lips, not like a lover indeed, not because he wanted to do so, but as a desperate man who puts his fortunes to the touch, she drew away from him, with a knot in her forehead, backed and shied about fiercely with her head, and pushed him from her with her hand. Then there was no room left for doubt, and Dick saw, as clear as sunlight, that she had a distaste or nourished a grudge against him.
She slowly turned and looked him in the eye with a more compassionate expression. He let go of the reins and took her hand, and she didn’t resist, even though her touch felt distant. But when he wrapped his arm around her waist and tried to kiss her lips—not in a romantic way, but like a desperate man risking everything—she pulled away from him, frowning, tossed her head in agitation, and pushed him away with her hand. At that moment, there was no doubt left, and Dick realized, as clearly as day, that she felt a strong dislike or held a grudge against him.
‘Then you don’t love me?’ he said, drawing back from her, he also, as though her touch had burnt him; and then, as she made no answer, he repeated with another intonation, imperious and yet still pathetic, ‘You don’t love me, do you, do you?’
‘Then you don’t love me?’ he said, pulling away from her, as if her touch had scorched him; and then, when she didn’t respond, he asked again with a different tone, commanding yet still sad, ‘You don’t love me, do you, do you?’
‘I don’t know,’ she replied. ‘Why do you ask me? Oh, how should I know? It has all been lies together—lies, and lies, and lies!’
‘I don’t know,’ she replied. ‘Why are you asking me? Oh, how should I know? It’s all been a web of lies—lies, and lies, and lies!’
He cried her name sharply, like a man who has taken a physical hurt, and that was the last word that either of them spoke until they reached Thymebury Junction.
He shouted her name sharply, like someone who has just experienced a serious injury, and that was the last word either of them said until they got to Thymebury Junction.
This was a station isolated in the midst of moorlands, yet lying on the great up line to London. The nearest town, Thymebury itself, was seven miles distant along the branch they call the Vale of Thyme Railway. It was now nearly half an hour past noon, the down train had just gone by, and there would be no more traffic at the junction until half-past three, when the local train comes in to meet the up express at a quarter before four. The stationmaster had already gone off to his garden, which was half a mile away in a hollow of the moor; a porter, who was just leaving, took charge of the phaeton, and promised to return it before night to Naseby House; only a deaf, snuffy, and stern old man remained to play propriety for Dick and Esther.
This was a station set apart in the middle of moorlands, yet located on the main line to London. The closest town, Thymebury, was seven miles away along the branch they call the Vale of Thyme Railway. It was now nearly half an hour past noon, the down train had just passed, and there wouldn’t be any more traffic at the junction until half-past three, when the local train arrives to meet the up express at a quarter to four. The stationmaster had already gone off to his garden, which was half a mile away in a hollow of the moor; a porter, who was just leaving, took care of the phaeton and promised to return it before night to Naseby House; only a deaf, grumpy, and stern old man was left to maintain decorum for Dick and Esther.
Before the phaeton had driven off, the girl had entered the station and seated herself upon a bench. The endless, empty moorlands stretched before her, entirely unenclosed, and with no boundary but the horizon. Two lines of rails, a waggon shed, and a few telegraph posts, alone diversified the outlook. As for sounds, the silence was unbroken save by the chant of the telegraph wires and the crying of the plovers on the waste. With the approach of midday the wind had more and more fallen, it was now sweltering hot and the air trembled in the sunshine.
Before the carriage had driven away, the girl walked into the station and sat down on a bench. The vast, empty moorlands spread out in front of her, completely open, with no boundaries except the horizon. Two tracks, a train shed, and a few telephone poles were the only things that broke up the view. As for sounds, the silence was interrupted only by the hum of the telegraph wires and the calls of the plovers in the distance. As midday approached, the wind had died down more and more; it was now swelteringly hot and the air shimmered in the sunlight.
Dick paused for an instant on the threshold of the platform. Then, in two steps, he was by her side and speaking almost with a sob.
Dick stopped briefly at the entrance of the platform. Then, in two steps, he was beside her, speaking almost with a sob.
‘Esther,’ he said, ‘have pity on me. What have I done? Can you not forgive me? Esther, you loved me once—can you not love me still?’
‘Esther,’ he said, ‘have mercy on me. What have I done? Can’t you forgive me? Esther, you loved me once—can’t you love me again?’
‘How can I tell you? How am I to know?’ she answered. ‘You are all a lie to me—all a lie from first to last. You were laughing at my folly, playing with me like a child, at the very time when you declared you loved me. Which was true? was any of it true? or was it all, all a mockery? I am weary trying to find out. And you say I loved you; I loved my father’s friend. I never loved, I never heard of, you, until that man came home and I began to find myself deceived. Give me back my father, be what you were before, and you may talk of love indeed!’
"How can I explain this to you? How can I even know?" she replied. "You’re all a lie to me—just a lie from start to finish. You were laughing at my foolishness, playing with me like a kid, while claiming you loved me. Which part was real? Was any of it real, or was it all just a joke? I'm exhausted from trying to figure it out. And you say I loved you; I loved my father's friend. I never loved, I never even knew you, until that man came back and I realized I was being deceived. Give me back my father, be who you used to be, and then you can talk about love for real!"
‘Then you cannot forgive me—cannot?’ he asked.
‘So you can't forgive me—can you?’ he asked.
‘I have nothing to forgive,’ she answered. ‘You do not understand.’
‘I have nothing to forgive,’ she replied. ‘You don’t understand.’
‘Is that your last word, Esther?’ said he, very white, and biting his lip to keep it still.
‘Is that your final word, Esther?’ he asked, his face very pale, biting his lip to keep it steady.
‘Yes, that is my last word,’ replied she.
‘Yes, that is my final word,’ she replied.
‘Then we are here on false pretences, and we stay here no longer,’ he said. ‘Had you still loved me, right or wrong, I should have taken you away, because then I could have made you happy. But as it is—I must speak plainly—what you propose is degrading to you, and an insult to me, and a rank unkindness to your father. Your father may be this or that, but you should use him like a fellow-creature.’
‘Then we’re here under false pretenses, and we’re not staying any longer,’ he said. ‘If you had still loved me, no matter what, I would have taken you away because then I could have made you happy. But as it is—I have to be honest—what you’re suggesting is demeaning to you, an insult to me, and really unfair to your father. Your father may be this or that, but you should treat him like a fellow human being.’
‘What do you mean?’ she flashed. ‘I leave him my house and all my money; it is more than he deserves. I wonder you dare speak to me about that man. And besides, it is all he cares for; let him take it, and let me never hear from him again.’
‘What do you mean?’ she snapped. ‘I’m leaving him my house and all my money; it’s more than he deserves. I can’t believe you’d even talk to me about that guy. And besides, it’s all he cares about; let him have it, and I never want to hear from him again.’
‘I thought you romantic about fathers,’ he said.
‘I thought you were romantic about fathers,’ he said.
‘Is that a taunt?’ she demanded.
“Is that a challenge?” she asked.
‘No,’ he replied, ‘it is an argument. No one can make you like him, but don’t disgrace him in his own eyes. He is old, Esther, old and broken down. Even I am sorry for him, and he has been the loss of all I cared for. Write to your aunt; when I see her answer you can leave quietly and naturally, and I will take you to your aunt’s door. But in the meantime you must go home. You have no money, and so you are helpless, and must do as I tell you; and believe me, Esther, I do all for your good, and your good only, so God help me.’
‘No,’ he replied, ‘it’s a discussion. No one can force you to like him, but don’t dishonor him in front of himself. He’s old, Esther, old and worn out. Even I feel sorry for him, and he’s the reason I lost everything I cared about. Write to your aunt; when I see her response, you can leave quietly and naturally, and I’ll take you to your aunt’s place. But for now, you need to go home. You have no money, so you’re stuck and have to do as I say; and believe me, Esther, I’m doing all this for your benefit, and yours alone, so help me God.’
She had put her hand into her pocket and withdrawn it empty.
She reached into her pocket and pulled it out empty.
‘I counted upon you,’ she wailed.
“I was counting on you,” she cried.
‘You counted rightly then,’ he retorted. ‘I will not, to please you for a moment, make both of us unhappy for our lives; and since I cannot marry you, we have only been too long away, and must go home at once.’
‘You counted correctly then,’ he shot back. ‘I will not, just to please you for a moment, make both of us miserable for our lives; and since I can’t marry you, we have already been away too long, so we need to head home right away.’
‘Dick,’ she cried suddenly, ‘perhaps I might—perhaps in time—perhaps—’
‘Dick,’ she suddenly exclaimed, ‘maybe I could—maybe in time—maybe—’
‘There is no perhaps about the matter,’ interrupted Dick. ‘I must go and bring the phaeton.’ And with that he strode from the station, all in a glow of passion and virtue. Esther, whose eyes had come alive and her cheeks flushed during these last words, relapsed in a second into a state of petrifaction. She remained without motion during his absence, and when he returned suffered herself to be put back into the phaeton, and driven off on the return journey like an idiot or a tired child. Compared with what she was now, her condition of the morning seemed positively natural. She sat white and cold and silent, and there was no speculation in her eyes. Poor Dick flailed and flailed at the pony, and once tried to whistle, but his courage was going down; huge clouds of despair gathered together in his soul, and from time to time their darkness was divided by a piercing flash of longing and regret. He had lost his love—he had lost his love for good.
“There’s no maybe about it,” interrupted Dick. “I have to go get the phaeton.” With that, he strode out of the station, filled with passion and a sense of righteousness. Esther, whose eyes had brightened and cheeks flushed during his words, instantly returned to a state of shock. She stayed completely still while he was gone, and when he came back, she let herself be placed back in the phaeton and driven away like a fool or a tired child. Compared to her current state, this morning's condition seemed almost normal. She sat there pale, cold, and silent, with no thoughts in her eyes. Poor Dick lashed out at the pony and even tried to whistle once, but his confidence was fading; thick clouds of despair were forming in his heart, occasionally pierced by a sharp flash of longing and regret. He had lost his love—he had lost his love for good.
The pony was tired, and the hills very long and steep, and the air sultrier than ever, for now the breeze began to fail entirely. It seemed as if this miserable drive would never be done, as if poor Dick would never be able to go away and be comfortably wretched by himself; for all his desire was to escape from her presence and the reproach of her averted looks. He had lost his love, he thought—he had lost his love for good.
The pony was exhausted, and the hills were long and steep, with the air feeling more oppressive than ever since the breeze had completely died down. It felt like this miserable journey would never end, and that poor Dick would never get the chance to go away and be comfortably miserable on his own; all he wanted was to get away from her and the judgment in her turned-away glances. He thought he had lost his love—he believed he had lost it for good.
They were already not far from the cottage, when his heart again faltered and he appealed to her once more, speaking low and eagerly in broken phrases.
They were already close to the cottage when his heart hesitated again, and he pleaded with her once more, speaking softly and urgently in fragmented sentences.
‘I cannot live without your love,’ he concluded.
‘I can’t live without your love,’ he said at the end.
‘I do not understand what you mean,’ she replied, and I believe with perfect truth.
"I don’t understand what you mean," she replied, and I believe that was completely true.
‘Then,’ said he, wounded to the quick, ‘your aunt might come and fetch you herself. Of course you can command me as you please. But I think it would be better so.’
“Then,” he said, hurt to the core, “your aunt could come and get you herself. Of course, you can order me around however you want. But I think that would be better.”
‘Oh yes,’ she said wearily, ‘better so.’
‘Oh yes,’ she said tiredly, ‘that's for the best.’
This was the only exchange of words between them till about four o’clock; the phaeton, mounting the lane, ‘opened out’ the cottage between the leafy banks. Thin smoke went straight up from the chimney; the flowers in the garden, the hawthorn in the lane, hung down their heads in the heat; the stillness was broken only by the sound of hoofs. For right before the gate a livery servant rode slowly up and down, leading a saddle horse. And in this last Dick shuddered to identify his father’s chestnut.
This was the only conversation they had until around four o'clock; the carriage, moving up the lane, revealed the cottage nestled between the leafy banks. Thin smoke rose straight from the chimney; the flowers in the garden and the hawthorn in the lane drooped in the heat; the quiet was interrupted only by the sound of hooves. Right in front of the gate, a servant in uniform rode slowly up and down, leading a saddle horse. And in that last one, Dick shuddered as he recognized his father's chestnut.
Alas! poor Richard, what should this portend?
Alas! poor Richard, what could this mean?
The servant, as in duty bound, dismounted and took the phaeton into his keeping; yet Dick thought he touched his hat to him with something of a grin. Esther, passive as ever, was helped out and crossed the garden with a slow and mechanical gait; and Dick, following close behind her, heard from within the cottage his father’s voice upraised in an anathema, and the shriller tones of the Admiral responding in the key of war.
The servant, as expected, got off and took care of the carriage; however, Dick thought he noticed him give a slight grin while tipping his hat. Esther, as passive as always, was helped out and walked across the garden with a slow, robotic pace; and Dick, closely behind her, heard his father's voice raised in an angry rant from inside the cottage, with the Admiral's sharper tones responding in a combative manner.
p. 219CHAPTER VIII—BATTLE ROYAL
Squire Naseby, on sitting down to lunch, had inquired for Dick, whom he had not seen since the day before at dinner; and the servant answering awkwardly that Master Richard had come back but had gone out again with the pony phaeton, his suspicions became aroused, and he cross-questioned the man until the whole was out. It appeared from this report that Dick had been going about for nearly a month with a girl in the Vale—a Miss Van Tromp; that she lived near Lord Trevanion’s upper wood; that recently Miss Van Tromp’s papa had returned home from foreign parts after a prolonged absence; that this papa was an old gentleman, very chatty and free with his money in the public-house—whereupon Mr. Naseby’s face became encrimsoned; that the papa, furthermore, was said to be an admiral—whereupon Mr. Naseby spat out a whistle brief and fierce as an oath; that Master Dick seemed very friendly with the papa—‘God help him!’ said Mr. Naseby; that last night Master Dick had not come in, and to-day he had driven away in the phaeton with the young lady—
Squire Naseby, as he sat down for lunch, asked about Dick, whom he hadn't seen since dinner the night before. The servant awkwardly replied that Master Richard had come back but had gone out again with the pony carriage. This raised Squire Naseby's suspicions, and he pressed the servant until he got the whole story. It turned out that Dick had been seeing a girl from the Vale—a Miss Van Tromp—for nearly a month; she lived near Lord Trevanion’s upper woods. Recently, Miss Van Tromp’s father had returned from abroad after being away for a long time; he was described as an old gentleman who was quite talkative and generous with his money at the pub—at which point Mr. Naseby's face turned red. Furthermore, the father was said to be an admiral—this made Mr. Naseby let out a sharp whistle, almost like an expletive. It seemed that Master Dick was very friendly with the father—“God help him!” Mr. Naseby exclaimed. Last night, Master Dick had not come home, and today he had driven off in the carriage with the young lady—
‘Young woman,’ corrected Mr. Naseby.
"Young woman," corrected Mr. Naseby.
‘Yes, sir,’ said the man, who had been unwilling enough to gossip from the first, and was now cowed by the effect of his communications on the master. ‘Young woman, sir!’
‘Yes, sir,’ said the man, who had been reluctant to gossip from the start and was now intimidated by the impact of his words on the master. ‘Young woman, sir!’
‘Had they luggage?’ demanded the Squire.
“Do they have any luggage?” asked the Squire.
‘Yes, sir.’
"Sure thing, sir."
Mr. Naseby was silent for a moment, struggling to keep down his emotion, and he mastered it so far as to mount into the sarcastic vein, when he was in the nearest danger of melting into the sorrowful.
Mr. Naseby was quiet for a moment, working hard to control his emotions, and he managed to do so well enough to switch to sarcasm, just as he was about to give in to sadness.
‘And was this—this Van Dunk with them?’ he asked, dwelling scornfully upon the name.
‘And was this—this Van Dunk with them?’ he asked, emphasizing the name with disdain.
The servant believed not, and being eager to shift the responsibility of speech to other shoulders, suggested that perhaps the master had better inquire further from George the stableman in person.
The servant didn’t believe it and, wanting to pass the responsibility of speaking to someone else, suggested that maybe the master should ask George the stableman directly for more information.
‘Tell him to saddle the chestnut and come with me. He can take the gray gelding; for we may ride fast. And then you can take away this trash,’ added Mr. Naseby, pointing to the luncheon; and he arose, lordly in his anger, and marched forth upon the terrace to await his horse.
‘Tell him to saddle the chestnut and come with me. He can take the gray gelding since we might need to ride fast. And then you can get rid of this junk,’ added Mr. Naseby, pointing to the lunch; and he got up, visibly upset, and strode out onto the terrace to wait for his horse.
There Dick’s old nurse shrunk up to him, for the news went like wildfire over Naseby House, and timidly expressed a hope that there was nothing much amiss with the young master.
There, Dick’s old nurse rushed up to him, as the news spread like wildfire over Naseby House, and she timidly expressed a hope that there wasn't anything seriously wrong with the young master.
‘I’ll pull him through,’ the Squire said grimly, as though he meant to pull him through a threshing-mill; ‘I’ll save him from this gang; God help him with the next! He has a taste for low company, and no natural affections to steady him. His father was no society for him; he must go fuddling with a Dutchman, Nance, and now he’s caught. Let us pray he’ll take the lesson,’ he added more gravely, ‘but youth is here to make troubles, and age to pull them out again.’
"I'll get him through this," the Squire said grimly, as if he intended to drag him through a threshing machine. "I'll save him from this crowd; God help him with what comes next! He has a taste for bad company and no natural bonds to keep him grounded. His father wasn't much of a companion for him; he must be messing around with some Dutchman, Nance, and now he's stuck. Let's hope he learns from this," he added more seriously, "but youth is all about creating problems, and age is here to sort them out again."
Nance whimpered and recalled several episodes of Dick’s childhood, which moved Mr. Naseby to blow his nose and shake her hard by the hand; and then, the horse arriving opportunely, to get himself without delay into the saddle and canter off.
Nance whimpered and remembered several moments from Dick’s childhood, which made Mr. Naseby blow his nose and shake her hand firmly; and then, with the horse arriving just in time, he quickly got into the saddle and cantered away.
He rode straight, hot spur, to Thymebury, where, as was to be expected, he could glean no tidings of the runaways. They had not been seen at the George; they had not been seen at the station. The shadow darkened on Mr. Naseby’s face; the junction did not occur to him; his last hope was for Van Tromp’s cottage; thither he bade George guide him, and thither he followed, nursing grief, anxiety, and indignation in his heart.
He rode straight, with urgency, to Thymebury, where, as expected, he found no news of the runaways. They hadn’t been seen at the George; they hadn’t been seen at the station. A shadow fell over Mr. Naseby’s face; the junction didn’t occur to him; his last hope was for Van Tromp’s cottage. He instructed George to take him there, and he followed, filled with grief, anxiety, and anger in his heart.
‘Here it is, sir,’ said George stopping.
‘Here it is, sir,’ George said, stopping.
‘What! on my own land!’ he cried. ‘How’s this? I let this place to somebody—M‘Whirter or M‘Glashan.’
‘What! On my own land!’ he shouted. ‘What’s going on? I leased this place to someone—M‘Whirter or M‘Glashan.’
‘Miss M‘Glashan was the young lady’s aunt, sir, I believe,’ returned George.
‘Miss M‘Glashan was the young lady’s aunt, sir, I believe,’ George replied.
‘Ay—dummies,’ said the Squire. ‘I shall whistle for my rent too. Here, take my horse.’
‘Yeah—idiots,’ said the Squire. ‘I’ll just whistle for my rent too. Here, take my horse.’
The Admiral, this hot afternoon, was sitting by the window with a long glass. He already knew the Squire by sight, and now, seeing him dismount before the cottage and come striding through the garden, concluded without doubt he was there to ask for Esther’s hand.
The Admiral, on this sweltering afternoon, was sitting by the window with a tall drink. He recognized the Squire by sight, and now, watching him get off his horse in front of the cottage and walk confidently through the garden, he figured without a doubt that he was there to ask for Esther’s hand.
‘This is why the girl is not yet home,’ he thought: ‘a very suitable delicacy on young Naseby’s part.’
‘This is why the girl isn’t home yet,’ he thought: ‘a very fitting choice on young Naseby’s part.’
And he composed himself with some pomp, answered the loud rattle of the riding-whip upon the door with a dulcet invitation to enter, and coming forward with a bow and a smile, ‘Mr. Naseby, I believe,’ said he.
And he gathered himself with some flair, responded to the loud tapping of the riding-whip on the door with a sweet invitation to come in, and stepped forward with a bow and a smile, "Mr. Naseby, I believe," he said.
The Squire came armed for battle; took in his man from top to toe in one rapid and scornful glance, and decided on a course at once. He must let the fellow see that he understood him.
The Squire arrived ready for a fight; he quickly sized up the man from head to toe with a dismissive look and immediately made a decision. He needed to show the guy that he got him.
‘You are Mr. Van Tromp?’ he returned roughly, and without taking any notice of the proffered hand.
‘You’re Mr. Van Tromp?’ he replied gruffly, ignoring the outstretched hand.
‘The same, sir,’ replied the Admiral. ‘Pray be seated.’
‘The same, sir,’ replied the Admiral. ‘Please have a seat.’
‘No sir,’ said the Squire, point-blank, ‘I will not be seated. I am told that you are an admiral,’ he added.
‘No sir,’ said the Squire directly, ‘I will not take a seat. I’ve been told that you are an admiral,’ he added.
‘No sir, I am not an admiral,’ returned Van Tromp, who now began to grow nettled and enter into the spirit of the interview.
‘No sir, I’m not an admiral,’ replied Van Tromp, who was starting to get annoyed and engage with the tone of the conversation.
‘Then why do you call yourself one, sir?’
‘Then why do you call yourself one, sir?’
‘I have to ask your pardon, I do not,’ says Van Tromp, as grand as the Pope.
“I have to ask for your forgiveness, I don’t,” says Van Tromp, as grand as the Pope.
But nothing was of avail against the Squire.
But nothing could stop the Squire.
‘You sail under false colours from beginning to end,’ he said. ‘Your very house was taken under a sham name.’
‘You operate under false pretenses from start to finish,’ he said. ‘Even your house was acquired under a fake name.’
‘It is not my house. I am my daughter’s guest,’ replied the Admiral. ‘If it were my house—’
‘It's not my house. I'm my daughter's guest,’ the Admiral replied. ‘If it were my house—’
‘Well?’ said the Squire, ‘what then? hey?’
‘Well?’ said the Squire, ‘what’s up, huh?’
The Admiral looked at him nobly, but was silent.
The Admiral looked at him with dignity but stayed silent.
‘Look here,’ said Mr. Naseby, ‘this intimidation is a waste of time; it is thrown away on me, sir; it will not succeed with me. I will not permit you even to gain time by your fencing. Now, sir, I presume you understand what brings me here.’
‘Listen,’ said Mr. Naseby, ‘this intimidation is pointless; it won’t work on me. I won’t let you buy time with your tricks. Now, I assume you know why I’m here.’
‘I am entirely at a loss to account for your intrusion,’ bows and waves Van Tromp.
‘I have no idea why you're here,’ bows and waves Van Tromp.
‘I will try to tell you then. I come here as a father’—down came the riding-whip upon the table—‘I have right and justice upon my side. I understand your calculations, but you calculated without me. I am a man of the world, and I see through you and your manœuvres. I am dealing now with a conspiracy—I stigmatise it as such, and I will expose it and crush it. And now I order you to tell me how far things have gone, and whither you have smuggled my unhappy son.’
"I'll try to explain. I'm here as a father"—the riding whip came down on the table—"I have right and justice on my side. I get your plans, but you miscalculated by leaving me out. I'm a worldly man, and I can see right through you and your tricks. I'm confronting a conspiracy—I call it that, and I will expose it and put an end to it. Now, I command you to tell me how far things have progressed and where you've hidden my poor son."
‘My God, sir!’ Van Tromp broke out, ‘I have had about enough of this. Your son? God knows where he is for me! What the devil have I to do with your son? My daughter is out, for the matter of that; I might ask you where she was, and what would you say to that? But this is all midsummer madness. Name your business distinctly, and be off.’
‘My God, sir!’ Van Tromp exclaimed, ‘I’ve had just about enough of this. Your son? Who knows where he is! What do I care about your son? My daughter is out too; I could ask you where she is, and what would you say to that? This is all just ridiculous. State your business clearly and leave.’
‘How often am I to tell you?’ cried the Squire. ‘Where did your daughter take my son to-day in that cursed pony carriage?’
‘How many times do I have to tell you?’ shouted the Squire. ‘Where did your daughter take my son today in that damn pony carriage?’
‘In a pony carriage?’ repeated Van Tromp.
‘In a pony carriage?’ Van Tromp repeated.
‘Yes, sir—with luggage.’
"Yes, sir—with bags."
‘Luggage?’—Van Tromp had turned a little pale.
‘Luggage?’—Van Tromp seemed a bit pale.
‘Luggage, I said—luggage!’ shouted Naseby. ‘You may spare me this dissimulation. Where’s my son. You are speaking to a father, sir, a father.’
‘Luggage, I said—luggage!’ shouted Naseby. ‘Cut the act. Where’s my son? You’re talking to a father, sir, a father.’
‘But, sir, if this be true,’ out came Van Tromp in a new key, ‘it is I who have an explanation to demand?’
‘But, sir, if this is true,’ Van Tromp said with a different tone, ‘then it's me who has an explanation to demand?’
‘Precisely. There is the conspiracy,’ retorted Naseby. ‘Oh!’ he added, ‘I am a man of the world. I can see through and through you.’
"Exactly. That's the conspiracy," Naseby shot back. "Oh!" he added, "I’m a worldly man. I can see right through you."
Van Tromp began to understand.
Van Tromp started to get it.
‘You speak a great deal about being a father, Mr. Naseby,’ said he; ‘I believe you forget that the appellation is common to both of us. I am at a loss to figure to myself, however dimly, how any man—I have not said any gentleman—could so brazenly insult another as you have been insulting me since you entered this house. For the first time I appreciate your base insinuations, and I despise them and you. You were, I am told, a manufacturer; I am an artist; I have seen better days; I have moved in societies where you would not be received, and dined where you would be glad to pay a pound to see me dining. The so-called aristocracy of wealth, sir, I despise. I refuse to help you; I refuse to be helped by you. There lies the door.’
“You talk a lot about being a father, Mr. Naseby,” he said. “I think you forget that title applies to both of us. I can’t understand how any man—I haven’t said any gentleman—could insult another so shamelessly as you have been insulting me since you walked into this house. For the first time, I see your vile suggestions for what they are, and I despise both them and you. I hear you were a manufacturer; I’m an artist. I’ve seen better days, moved in circles where you wouldn’t be welcomed, and dined in places where you’d gladly pay a pound just to see me eating. The so-called aristocracy of wealth, sir, I look down on. I won’t help you; I won’t accept help from you. The door is right there.”
And the Admiral stood forth in a halo.
And the Admiral stood out in a glow.
It was then that Dick entered. He had been waiting in the porch for some time back, and Esther had been listlessly standing by his side. He had put out his hand to bar her entrance, and she had submitted without surprise; and though she seemed to listen, she scarcely appeared to comprehend. Dick, on his part, was as white as a sheet; his eyes burned and his lips trembled with anger as he thrust the door suddenly open, introduced Esther with ceremonious gallantry, and stood forward and knocked his hat firmer on his head like a man about to leap.
It was then that Dick walked in. He had been waiting on the porch for a while, and Esther had been standing there beside him, looking bored. He raised his hand to block her from entering, and she accepted it without any surprise; although she seemed to listen, she barely understood what was happening. Dick, on the other hand, was as pale as a ghost; his eyes were intense and his lips quivered with anger as he suddenly threw the door open, introduced Esther with over-the-top politeness, and stepped forward, adjusting his hat firmly on his head like someone preparing to jump.
‘What is all this?’ he demanded.
‘What is all this about?’ he asked.
‘Is this your father, Mr. Naseby?’ inquired the Admiral.
“Is this your dad, Mr. Naseby?” asked the Admiral.
‘It is,’ said the young man.
‘It is,’ said the young man.
‘I make you my compliments,’ returned Van Tromp.
"I give you my compliments," replied Van Tromp.
‘Dick!’ cried his father, suddenly breaking forth, ‘it is not too late, is it? I have come here in time to save you. Come, come away with me—come away from this place.’
‘Dick!’ his father suddenly shouted, ‘it's not too late, is it? I've come here in time to save you. Come on, let’s get out of here—let's leave this place.’
And he fawned upon Dick with his hands.
And he sweet-talked Dick with his hands.
‘Keep your hands off me,’ cried Dick, not meaning unkindness, but because his nerves were shattered by so many successive miseries.
“Keep your hands off me,” cried Dick, not trying to be rude, but because his nerves were frayed from so many endless troubles.
‘No, no,’ said the old man, ‘don’t repulse your father, Dick, when he has come here to save you. Don’t repulse me, my boy. Perhaps I have not been kind to you, not quite considerate, too harsh; my boy, it was not for want of love. Think of old times. I was kind to you then, was I not? When you were a child, and your mother was with us.’ Mr. Naseby was interrupted by a sort of sob. Dick stood looking at him in a maze. ‘Come away,’ pursued the father in a whisper; ‘you need not be afraid of any consequences. I am a man of the world, Dick; and she can have no claim on you—no claim, I tell you; and we’ll be handsome too, Dick—we’ll give them a good round figure, father and daughter, and there’s an end.’
“No, no,” said the old man, “don’t push your father away, Dick, when he’s come here to help you. Don’t shut me out, my boy. Maybe I haven’t been kind to you, maybe I’ve been a bit harsh; but my boy, it wasn’t for lack of love. Remember the old days. I was good to you back then, wasn’t I? When you were a child, and your mother was with us.” Mr. Naseby was interrupted by a sort of sob. Dick stood there, confused. “Come on,” the father whispered, “you don’t need to worry about any consequences. I’m a worldly man, Dick; she doesn’t have any claim on you—no claim, I assure you; and we’ll be generous too, Dick—we’ll give them a nice sum, father and daughter, and that will be that.”
He had been trying to get Dick towards the door, but the latter stood off.
He had been trying to get Dick to move toward the door, but Dick just stood there.
‘You had better take care, sir, how you insult that lady,’ said the son, as black as night.
‘You’d better be careful, sir, about how you disrespect that lady,’ said the son, looking furious.
‘You would not choose between your father and your mistress?’ said the father.
"You wouldn’t pick between your dad and your girlfriend?" said the father.
‘What do you call her, sir?’ cried Dick, high and clear.
‘What do you call her, sir?’ shouted Dick, loud and clear.
Forbearance and patience were not among Mr. Naseby’s qualities.
Forbearance and patience weren't qualities that Mr. Naseby had.
‘I called her your mistress,’ he shouted, ‘and I might have called her a—’
‘I called her your mistress,’ he shouted, ‘and I might have called her a—’
‘That is an unmanly lie,’ replied Dick, slowly.
‘That is an unmanly lie,’ Dick replied slowly.
‘Dick!’ cried the father, ‘Dick!’
“Dick!” yelled the father, “Dick!”
‘I do not care,’ said the son, strengthening himself against his own heart; ‘I—I have said it, and it is the truth.’
‘I don’t care,’ said the son, steeling himself against his own heart; ‘I—I’ve said it, and it’s the truth.’
There was a pause.
There was a gap.
‘Dick,’ said the old man at last, in a voice that was shaken as by a gale of wind, ‘I am going. I leave you with your friends, sir—with your friends. I came to serve you, and now I go away a broken man. For years I have seen this coming, and now it has come. You never loved me. Now you have been the death of me. You may boast of that. Now I leave you. God pardon you.’
‘Dick,’ the old man finally said, his voice trembling like it was caught in a storm, ‘I’m leaving. I’m leaving you with your friends, sir—with your friends. I came to help you, and now I’m leaving as a broken man. For years I’ve seen this coming, and now it’s here. You never loved me. Now you’ve been the end of me. You can take pride in that. Now, I’m leaving you. God forgive you.’
With that he was gone; and the three who remained together heard his horse’s hoofs descend the lane. Esther had not made a sign throughout the interview, and still kept silence now that it was over; but the Admiral, who had once or twice moved forward and drawn back again, now advanced for good.
With that, he was gone; and the three who stayed behind heard the sound of his horse’s hooves fading down the lane. Esther hadn’t said a word during the conversation and remained silent even now that it was over; but the Admiral, who had stepped forward and then pulled back a couple of times, finally moved in for good.
‘You are a man of spirit, sir,’ said he to Dick; ‘but though I am no friend to parental interference, I will say that you were heavy on the governor.’ Then he added with a chuckle: ‘You began, Richard, with a silver spoon, and here you are in the water like the rest. Work, work, nothing like work. You have parts, you have manners; why, with application you may die a millionaire!’ Dick shook himself. He took Esther by the hand, looking at her mournfully.
‘You’ve got a lot of spirit, man,’ he said to Dick; ‘but even though I’m not a fan of parents interfering, I have to say you were pretty hard on your dad.’ Then he added with a laugh: ‘You started, Richard, with a silver spoon in your mouth, and look at you now, just like everyone else. Work, work, there’s nothing like it. You’ve got talent, you’ve got charm; honestly, with some effort, you could end up a millionaire!’ Dick shook himself off. He took Esther’s hand, looking at her sadly.
‘Then this is farewell,’ he said.
‘Then this is goodbye,’ he said.
‘Yes,’ she answered. There was no tone in her voice, and she did not return his gaze.
‘Yeah,’ she replied. There was no emotion in her voice, and she didn’t meet his eyes.
‘For ever,’ added Dick.
"Forever," added Dick.
‘For ever,’ she repeated mechanically.
"Forever," she repeated mechanically.
‘I have had hard measure,’ he continued. ‘In time I believe I could have shown you I was worthy, and there was no time long enough to show how much I loved you. But it was not to be. I have lost all.’
‘I’ve faced a lot of hardship,’ he continued. ‘In time, I really think I could have shown you that I was worthy, and there wasn’t enough time to show you how much I loved you. But it wasn’t meant to be. I’ve lost everything.’
He relinquished her hand, still looking at her, and she turned to leave the room.
He let go of her hand, still gazing at her, and she turned to exit the room.
‘Why, what in fortune’s name is the meaning of all this?’ cried Van Tromp. ‘Esther come back!’
‘What the heck is going on here?’ shouted Van Tromp. ‘Esther, come back!’
‘Let her go,’ said Dick, and he watched her disappear with strangely mingled feelings. For he had fallen into that stage when men have the vertigo of misfortune, court the strokes of destiny, and rush towards anything decisive, that it may free them from suspense though at the cost of ruin. It is one of the many minor forms of suicide.
"Let her go," said Dick, watching her fade away with a mix of emotions. He had reached that point where people feel dizzy from bad luck, tempting fate, and rushing toward anything that can bring a conclusion, even if it leads to disaster. It’s one of the many subtle forms of self-destruction.
‘She did not love me,’ he said, turning to her father.
‘She didn’t love me,’ he said, turning to her dad.
‘I feared as much,’ said he, ‘when I sounded her. Poor Dick, poor Dick. And yet I believe I am as much cut up as you are. I was born to see others happy.’
“I feared that was the case,” he said, “when I checked in on her. Poor Dick, poor Dick. And yet I think I'm just as upset as you are. I was meant to see others happy.”
‘You forget,’ returned Dick, with something like a sneer, ‘that I am now a pauper.’
"You forget," Dick replied, with something like a sneer, "that I’m now a beggar."
Van Tromp snapped his fingers.
Van Tromp snapped his fingers.
‘Tut!’ said he; ‘Esther has plenty for us all.’
‘Tut!’ he said; ‘Esther has enough for all of us.’
Dick looked at him with some wonder. It had never dawned upon him that this shiftless, thriftless, worthless, sponging parasite was yet, after and in spite of all, not mercenary in the issue of his thoughts; yet so it was.
Dick looked at him with some surprise. It had never occurred to him that this aimless, careless, useless, freeloading parasite could still, after everything, be genuine in his thoughts; but that was the case.
‘Now,’ said Dick, ‘I must go.’
‘Now,’ said Dick, ‘I have to go.’
‘Go?’ cried Van Tromp. ‘Where? Not one foot, Mr. Richard Naseby. Here you shall stay in the meantime! and—well, and do something practical—advertise for a situation as private secretary—and when you have it, go and welcome. But in the meantime, sir, no false pride; we must stay with our friends; we must sponge a while on Papa Van Tromp, who has sponged so often upon us.’
‘Go?’ shouted Van Tromp. ‘Where? Not a chance, Mr. Richard Naseby. You’re staying put for now! And—let’s do something practical—start looking for a job as a private secretary—and once you land it, you can go and enjoy yourself. But for now, no false pride; we need to stick with our friends; we have to rely on Papa Van Tromp for a bit, just like he has relied on us so many times before.’
‘By God,’ cried Dick, ‘I believe you are the best of the lot.’
“By God,” shouted Dick, “I think you’re the best of the bunch.”
‘Dick, my boy,’ replied the Admiral, winking, ‘you mark me, I am not the worst.’
‘Dick, my boy,’ replied the Admiral, winking, ‘let me tell you, I’m not the worst.’
‘Then why,’ began Dick, and then paused. ‘But Esther,’ he began again, once more to interrupt himself. ‘The fact is, Admiral,’ he came out with it roundly now, ‘your daughter wished to run away from you to-day, and I only brought her back with difficulty.’
‘Then why,’ started Dick, then hesitated. ‘But Esther,’ he began again, once more cutting himself off. ‘The truth is, Admiral,’ he stated plainly now, ‘your daughter wanted to run away from you today, and I only managed to bring her back with great difficulty.’
‘In the pony carriage?’ asked the Admiral, with the silliness of extreme surprise.
"In the pony carriage?" the Admiral asked, sounding ridiculously surprised.
‘Yes,’ Dick answered.
"Yes," Dick replied.
‘Why, what the devil was she running away from?’
‘What the heck was she running away from?’
Dick found the question unusually hard to answer.
Dick found the question surprisingly difficult to answer.
‘Why,’ said he, ‘you know, you’re a bit of a rip.’
‘Why,’ he said, ‘you know, you’re quite the troublemaker.’
‘I behave to that girl, sir, like an archdeacon,’ replied Van Tromp warmly.
"I treat that girl, sir, like an archdeacon," replied Van Tromp warmly.
‘Well—excuse me—but you know you drink,’ insisted Dick.
‘Well—excuse me—but you know you drink,’ insisted Dick.
‘I know that I was a sheet in the wind’s eye, sir, once—once only, since I reached this place,’ retorted the Admiral. ‘And even then I was fit for any drawing-room. I should like you to tell me how many fathers, lay and clerical, go upstairs every day with a face like a lobster and cod’s eyes—and are dull, upon the back of it—not even mirth for the money! No, if that’s what she runs for, all I say is, let her run.’
"I know I was in the wind’s sight, sir, once—just once, since I got here," the Admiral shot back. "And even then, I was good enough for any drawing room. I'd like you to tell me how many fathers, both lay and clerical, go upstairs every day looking like a lobster with fishy eyes—and are dull on top of it—not even a laugh for the effort! No, if that’s what she’s aiming for, all I can say is, let her aim."
‘You see,’ Dick tried it again, ‘she has fancies—’
‘You see,’ Dick tried again, ‘she has these whims—’
‘Confound her fancies!’ cried Van Tromp. ‘I used her kindly; she had her own way; I was her father. Besides I had taken quite a liking to the girl, and meant to stay with her for good. But I tell you what it is, Dick, since she has trifled with you—Oh, yes, she did though!—and since her old papa’s not good enough for her—the devil take her, say I.’
“Damn her whims!” shouted Van Tromp. “I treated her well; she had her own way; I was like a father to her. Besides, I had developed quite a fondness for the girl and intended to stick around for good. But let me tell you, Dick, ever since she played around with you—Oh yes, she did!—and since her old dad isn’t good enough for her—the devil take her, I say.”
‘You will be kind to her at least?’ said Dick.
"Will you at least be kind to her?" Dick asked.
‘I never was unkind to a living soul,’ replied the Admiral. ‘Firm I can be, but not unkind.’
"I was never unkind to anyone," the Admiral replied. "I can be firm, but not unkind."
‘Well,’ said Dick, offering his hand, ‘God bless you, and farewell.’
‘Well,’ said Dick, extending his hand, ‘God bless you, and goodbye.’
The Admiral swore by all his gods he should not go. ‘Dick,’ he said, ‘You are a selfish dog; you forget your old Admiral. You wouldn’t leave him alone, would you?’
The Admiral swore by all his gods that he wasn’t going to go. ‘Dick,’ he said, ‘You’re a selfish jerk; you forget about your old Admiral. You wouldn’t just leave him alone, would you?’
It was useless to remind him that the house was not his to dispose of, that being a class of considerations to which his intelligence was closed; so Dick tore himself off by force, and, shouting a good-bye, made off along the lane to Thymebury.
It was pointless to remind him that the house wasn't his to sell, as he just couldn't grasp that concept; so Dick pulled himself away forcefully, shouted a goodbye, and headed down the lane to Thymebury.
p. 233CHAPTER IX—IN WHICH THE LIBERAL EDITOR RE-APPEARS AS ‘DEUS EX MACHINA’
It was perhaps a week later, as old Mr. Naseby sat brooding in his study, that there was shown in upon him, on urgent business, a little hectic gentleman shabbily attired.
It was probably a week later, as old Mr. Naseby sat lost in thought in his study, when a little anxious man, dressed rather poorly, was brought in to see him on urgent business.
‘I have to ask pardon for this intrusion, Mr. Naseby,’ he said; ‘but I come here to perform a duty. My card has been sent in, but perhaps you may not know, what it does not tell you, that I am the editor of the Thymebury Star.’
‘I need to apologize for this interruption, Mr. Naseby,’ he said; ‘but I’m here to fulfill a duty. My card has been sent in, but maybe you don’t realize, which it doesn’t explain, that I’m the editor of the Thymebury Star.’
Mr. Naseby looked up, indignant.
Mr. Naseby looked up, upset.
‘I cannot fancy,’ he said, ‘that we have much in common to discuss.’
‘I can’t imagine,’ he said, ‘that we have much to talk about.’
‘I have only a word to say—one piece of information to communicate. Some months ago, we had—you will pardon my referring to it, it is absolutely necessary—but we had an unfortunate difference as to facts.’
'I have just one thing to say—one piece of information to share. A few months ago, we had—you'll forgive me for bringing it up, it's really important—but we had an unfortunate disagreement about the facts.'
‘Have you come to apologise?’ asked the Squire, sternly.
"Are you here to apologize?" the Squire asked, sternly.
‘No, sir; to mention a circumstance. On the morning in question, your son, Mr. Richard Naseby—’
‘No, sir; to mention a circumstance. On the morning in question, your son, Mr. Richard Naseby—’
‘I do not permit his name to be mentioned.’
‘I won’t allow anyone to mention his name.’
‘You will, however, permit me,’ replied the Editor.
‘You will, however, let me,’ replied the Editor.
‘You are cruel,’ said the Squire. He was right, he was a broken man.
‘You’re cruel,’ said the Squire. He was right; he was a broken man.
Then the Editor described Dick’s warning visit; and how he had seen in the lad’s eye that there was a thrashing in the wind, and had escaped through pity only—so the Editor put it—‘through pity only sir. And oh, sir,’ he went on, ‘if you had seen him speaking up for you, I am sure you would have been proud of your son. I know I admired the lad myself, and indeed that’s what brings me here.’
Then the Editor talked about Dick’s warning visit and how he noticed in the boy’s eyes that trouble was coming, and he was saved only out of pity—so the Editor said—“only out of pity, sir. And oh, sir,” he continued, “if you had seen him standing up for you, I’m sure you would have been proud of your son. I know I admired the boy myself, and that’s actually why I’m here.”
‘I have misjudged him,’ said the Squire. ‘Do you know where he is?’
‘I misjudged him,’ said the Squire. ‘Do you know where he is?’
‘Yes, sir, he lies sick at Thymebury.’
‘Yes, sir, he’s sick at Thymebury.’
‘You can take me to him?’
‘Can you take me to him?’
‘I can.’
"I can."
‘I pray God he may forgive me,’ said the father.
‘I hope God can forgive me,’ said the father.
And he and the Editor made post-haste for the country town.
And he and the Editor rushed to the countryside.
Next day the report went abroad that Mr. Richard was reconciled to his father and had been taken home to Naseby House. He was still ailing, it was said, and the Squire nursed him like the proverbial woman. Rumour, in this instance, did no more than justice to the truth; and over the sickbed many confidences were exchanged, and clouds that had been growing for years passed away in a few hours, and as fond mankind loves to hope, for ever. Many long talks had been fruitless in external action, though fruitful for the understanding of the pair; but at last, one showery Tuesday, the Squire might have been observed upon his way to the cottage in the lane.
The next day, word spread that Mr. Richard had made up with his father and had been taken home to Naseby House. It was said he was still unwell, and the Squire cared for him like a devoted mother. In this case, the rumor reflected the truth perfectly; many confidences were shared over the sickbed, and tensions that had built up for years dissolved in just a few hours, and as people often hope, seemingly for good. Numerous lengthy conversations had not led to any significant actions, but they did deepen the understanding between the two. Finally, one rainy Tuesday, the Squire could be seen making his way to the cottage down the lane.
The old gentleman had arranged his features with a view to self-command, rather than external cheerfulness; and he entered the cottage on his visit of conciliation with the bearing of a clergyman come to announce a death.
The old man had composed his face in a way that suggested self-control, rather than outward happiness; and he entered the cottage for his conciliatory visit with the demeanor of a clergyman coming to deliver news of a death.
The Admiral and his daughter were both within, and both looked upon their visitor with more surprise than favour.
The Admiral and his daughter were both inside, and they looked at their visitor with more surprise than approval.
‘Sir,’ said he to Van Tromp, ‘I am told I have done you much injustice.’
‘Sir,’ he said to Van Tromp, ‘I've been told I've been unfair to you.’
There came a little sound in Esther’s throat, and she put her hand suddenly to her heart.
There was a small sound in Esther’s throat, and she suddenly put her hand on her heart.
‘You have, sir; and the acknowledgment suffices,’ replied the Admiral. ‘I am prepared, sir, to be easy with you, since I hear you have made it up with my friend Dick. But let me remind you that you owe some apologies to this young lady also.’
‘You have, sir; and the acknowledgment suffices,’ replied the Admiral. ‘I am ready to be accommodating with you, since I hear you’ve made amends with my friend Dick. But let me remind you that you also owe some apologies to this young lady.’
‘I shall have the temerity to ask for more than her forgiveness,’ said the Squire. ‘Miss Van Tromp,’ he continued, ‘once I was in great distress, and knew nothing of you or your character; but I believe you will pardon a few rough words to an old man who asks forgiveness from his heart. I have heard much of you since then; for you have a fervent advocate in my house. I believe you will understand that I speak of my son. He is, I regret to say, very far from well; he does not pick up as the doctors had expected; he has a great deal upon his mind, and, to tell you the truth, my girl, if you won’t help us, I am afraid I shall lose him. Come now, forgive him! I was angry with him once myself, and I found I was in the wrong. This is only a misunderstanding, like the other, believe me; and with one kind movement, you may give happiness to him, and to me, and to yourself.’
“I’m going to have the nerve to ask for more than just your forgiveness,” said the Squire. “Miss Van Tromp,” he continued, “there was a time when I was in a lot of trouble and didn’t know anything about you or your character; but I hope you’ll excuse a few harsh words from an old man who is genuinely asking for forgiveness. I’ve heard a lot about you since then because you have a strong supporter in my home. I believe you know I’m talking about my son. Unfortunately, he’s not doing very well; he hasn’t improved as the doctors had hoped. He has a lot on his mind, and honestly, my dear, if you don’t help us, I’m afraid I might lose him. Please, forgive him! I was once angry with him too, and I realized I was wrong. This is just a misunderstanding, like before, believe me; with one kind gesture, you could bring happiness to him, to me, and to yourself.”
Esther made a movement towards the door, but long before she reached it she had broken forth sobbing.
Esther moved toward the door, but long before she got there, she burst into tears.
‘It is all right,’ said the Admiral; ‘I understand the sex. Let me make you my compliments, Mr. Naseby.’
"It’s fine," said the Admiral. "I get the gender. Let me congratulate you, Mr. Naseby."
The Squire was too much relieved to be angry.
The Squire was too relieved to be angry.
‘My dear,’ said he to Esther, ‘you must not agitate yourself.’
‘My dear,’ he said to Esther, ‘you mustn't get worked up.’
‘She had better go up and see him right away,’ suggested Van Tromp.
“She should go see him right away,” suggested Van Tromp.
‘I had not ventured to propose it,’ replied the Squire. ‘Les convenances, I believe—’
‘I hadn't dared to suggest it,’ replied the Squire. ‘I think it’s about what’s proper—’
‘Je m’en fiche,’ cried the Admiral, snapping his fingers. ‘She shall go and see my friend Dick. Run and get ready, Esther.’
‘I don’t care,’ shouted the Admiral, snapping his fingers. ‘She’ll go and see my friend Dick. Run and get ready, Esther.’
Esther obeyed.
Esther complied.
‘She has not—has not run away again?’ inquired Mr. Naseby, as soon as she was gone.
‘She hasn't—hasn't run away again?’ Mr. Naseby asked as soon as she left.
‘No,’ said Van Tromp, ‘not again. She is a devilish odd girl though, mind you that.’
'No,' Van Tromp said, 'not again. She is a really strange girl, just so you know.'
‘But I cannot stomach the man with the carbuncles,’ thought the Squire.
‘But I can't stand the man with the boils,’ thought the Squire.
And this is why there is a new household and a brand-new baby in Naseby Dower House; and why the great Van Tromp lives in pleasant style upon the shores of England; and why twenty-six individual copies of the Thymebury Star are received daily at the door of Naseby House.
And this is why there's a new household and a brand-new baby in Naseby Dower House; and why the great Van Tromp lives comfortably on the shores of England; and why twenty-six individual copies of the Thymebury Star are delivered daily to the door of Naseby House.
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