This is a modern-English version of The Plattner Story, and Others, originally written by Wells, H. G. (Herbert George).
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THE
PLATTNER STORY
AND OTHERS
THE
PLATTNER STORY
AND MORE
BY THE SAME AUTHOR
BY THE SAME AUTHOR
- The Stolen Bacillus
- The Amazing Visit
- The Wheel of Fortune
- The Island of Doctor Moreau
- The Time Machine
THE
PLATTNER NARRATIVE
AND OTHERS
BY
H. G. WELLS
BY H. G. WELLS
METHUEN & CO.
36 ESSEX STREET, W.C.
LONDON
1897
METHUEN & CO.
36 ESSEX STREET, W.C.
LONDON
1897
TO
MY FATHER
TO
DAD
CONTENTS
PAGE | |
---|---|
THE PLATTNER STORY | 2 |
THE ARGONAUTS OF THE AIR | 29 |
THE STORY OF THE LATE MR. ELVESHAM | 47 |
IN THE ABYSS | 71 |
THE APPLE | 94 |
UNDER THE KNIFE | 106 |
THE SEA-RAIDERS | 126 |
POLLOCK AND THE PORROH MAN | 142 |
THE RED ROOM | 165 |
THE CONE | 179 |
THE PURPLE PILEUS | 196 |
THE JILTING OF JANE | 213 |
IN THE MODERN VEIN | 224 |
A CATASTROPHE | 239 |
THE LOST INHERITANCE | 252 |
THE SAD STORY OF A DRAMATIC CRITIC | 262 |
A SLIP UNDER THE MICROSCOPE | 274 |
THE PLATTNER STORY
Whether the story of Gottfried Plattner is to be credited or not, is a pretty question in the value of evidence. On the one hand, we have seven witnesses—to be perfectly exact, we have six and a half pairs of eyes, and one undeniable fact; and on the other we have—what is it?—prejudice, common sense, the inertia of opinion. Never were there seven more honest-seeming witnesses; never was there a more undeniable fact than the inversion of Gottfried Plattner’s anatomical structure, and—never was there a more preposterous story than the one they have to tell! The most preposterous part of the story is the worthy Gottfried’s contribution (for I count him as one of the seven). Heaven forbid that I should be led into giving countenance to superstition by a passion for impartiality, and so come to share the fate of Eusapia’s patrons! Frankly, I believe there is something crooked about this business of Gottfried Plattner; but what that crooked factor is, I will admit as frankly, I do not know. I have been surprised at the credit accorded to the story in the[2] most unexpected and authoritative quarters. The fairest way to the reader, however, will be for me to tell it without further comment.
Whether Gottfried Plattner's story is believable or not raises an interesting question about the value of evidence. On one side, we have seven witnesses—well, to be precise, we have six and a half pairs of eyes and one undeniable fact; on the other, we have—what is it?—bias, common sense, and the resistance of opinion. Never have there been seven witnesses who seemed more honest; never has there been a more undeniable fact than the unusual anatomy of Gottfried Plattner, and—never has there been a more ridiculous story than the one they have to share! The most absurd part of the story is Gottfried’s own input (since I count him among the seven). Heaven forbid that in my desire for fairness, I end up supporting superstition and share the same fate as Eusapia’s backers! Honestly, I believe there’s something strange about this whole Gottfried Plattner situation; but what that strange element is, I must admit, I have no idea. I’ve been surprised by the credibility given to this story in[2] some unexpected and respected circles. However, the best way to treat the reader will be to share the story without any more commentary.
Gottfried Plattner is, in spite of his name, a free-born Englishman. His father was an Alsatian who came to England in the Sixties, married a respectable English girl of unexceptionable antecedents, and died, after a wholesome and uneventful life (devoted, I understand, chiefly to the laying of parquet flooring), in 1887. Gottfried’s age is seven-and-twenty. He is, by virtue of his heritage of three languages, Modern Languages Master in a small private school in the South of England. To the casual observer he is singularly like any other Modern Languages Master in any other small private school. His costume is neither very costly nor very fashionable, but, on the other hand, it is not markedly cheap or shabby; his complexion, like his height and his bearing, is inconspicuous. You would notice, perhaps, that, like the majority of people, his face was not absolutely symmetrical, his right eye a little larger than the left, and his jaw a trifle heavier on the right side. If you, as an ordinary careless person, were to bare his chest and feel his heart beating, you would probably find it quite like the heart of anyone else. But here you and the trained observer would part company. If you found his heart quite ordinary, the trained observer would find it quite otherwise. And once the thing was pointed out to you, you too would perceive the peculiarity easily enough. It is that Gottfried’s heart beats on the right side of his body.
Gottfried Plattner is, despite his name, a free-born Englishman. His father was from Alsace and came to England in the 1860s, married a respectable English girl with unimpeachable background, and passed away in 1887 after a healthy and uneventful life, mainly focused on laying parquet flooring. Gottfried is twenty-seven years old. Thanks to his background of three languages, he teaches Modern Languages at a small private school in the South of England. To the casual observer, he looks just like any other Modern Languages teacher in any other small private school. His clothes aren’t very expensive or trendy, but they’re also not obviously cheap or worn out; his complexion, height, and posture are unremarkable. You might notice, like many people, that his face isn’t perfectly symmetrical, with his right eye being a bit larger than his left and his jaw slightly heavier on the right side. If you were to take off his shirt and feel his heart, you’d probably find it just like any other person's. But this is where you and the trained observer would see things differently. While you might find his heart completely ordinary, the trained observer would recognize something unusual. Once it was pointed out to you, you’d easily see the difference: Gottfried’s heart beats on the right side of his body.
Now, that is not the only singularity of Gottfried’s[3] structure, although it is the only one that would appeal to the untrained mind. Careful sounding of Gottfried’s internal arrangements, by a well-known surgeon, seems to point to the fact that all the other unsymmetrical parts of his body are similarly misplaced. The right lobe of his liver is on the left side, the left on his right; while his lungs, too, are similarly contraposed. What is still more singular, unless Gottfried is a consummate actor, we must believe that his right hand has recently become his left. Since the occurrences we are about to consider (as impartially as possible), he has found the utmost difficulty in writing, except from right to left across the paper with his left hand. He cannot throw with his right hand, he is perplexed at meal times between knife and fork, and his ideas of the rule of the road—he is a cyclist—are still a dangerous confusion. And there is not a scrap of evidence to show that before these occurrences Gottfried was at all left-handed.
Now, that's not the only unusual thing about Gottfried’s[3] structure, although it’s the only one that might stand out to someone untrained. A thorough examination of Gottfried’s internal arrangements by a well-known surgeon suggests that all the other irregular parts of his body are similarly misaligned. The right lobe of his liver is on the left side and the left lobe is on the right; his lungs are also arranged in a similar way. Even more peculiar, unless Gottfried is an exceptional actor, we have to believe that his right hand has recently become his left. Since the events we are about to discuss (as impartially as we can), he has struggled greatly with writing, except when he writes from right to left across the page with his left hand. He can’t throw with his right hand, he gets confused using a knife and fork at meals, and his understanding of cycling rules—he’s a cyclist—remains dangerously mixed-up. There’s no indication that before these events Gottfried was ever left-handed.
There is yet another wonderful fact in this preposterous business. Gottfried produces three photographs of himself. You have him at the age of five or six, thrusting fat legs at you from under a plaid frock, and scowling. In that photograph his left eye is a little larger than his right, and his jaw is a trifle heavier on the left side. This is the reverse of his present living conditions. The photograph of Gottfried at fourteen seems to contradict these facts, but that is because it is one of those cheap “Gem” photographs that were then in vogue, taken direct upon metal, and therefore reversing things just as a looking-glass would. The third[4] photograph represents him at one-and-twenty, and confirms the record of the others. There seems here evidence of the strongest confirmatory character that Gottfried has exchanged his left side for his right. Yet how a human being can be so changed, short of a fantastic and pointless miracle, it is exceedingly hard to suggest.
There’s another fascinating fact in this ridiculous situation. Gottfried provides three pictures of himself. You see him at around five or six, with chubby legs sticking out from beneath a plaid dress, scowling. In that picture, his left eye is slightly larger than his right, and his jaw looks a bit heavier on the left side. This is the opposite of his current living conditions. The photo of Gottfried at fourteen seems to contradict this, but that’s because it’s one of those cheap “Gem” photos that were popular then, taken directly on metal and therefore flipping things just like a mirror would. The third[4] photo shows him at twenty-one and backs up the records of the others. There seems to be strong evidence here that Gottfried has switched his left side for his right. Yet, how a person can change so drastically, without some bizarre and pointless miracle, is really hard to explain.
In one way, of course, these facts might be explicable on the supposition that Plattner has undertaken an elaborate mystification, on the strength of his heart’s displacement. Photographs may be fudged, and left-handedness imitated. But the character of the man does not lend itself to any such theory. He is quiet, practical, unobtrusive, and thoroughly sane, from the Nordau standpoint. He likes beer, and smokes moderately, takes walking exercise daily, and has a healthily high estimate of the value of his teaching. He has a good but untrained tenor voice, and takes a pleasure in singing airs of a popular and cheerful character. He is fond, but not morbidly fond, of reading,—chiefly fiction pervaded with a vaguely pious optimism,—sleeps well, and rarely dreams. He is, in fact, the very last person to evolve a fantastic fable. Indeed, so far from forcing this story upon the world, he has been singularly reticent on the matter. He meets inquirers with a certain engaging—bashfulness is almost the word, that disarms the most suspicious. He seems genuinely ashamed that anything so unusual has occurred to him.
In a way, these facts might be explained by the idea that Plattner has pulled off an elaborate hoax due to his heart issue. Photos can be altered, and left-handedness can be faked. But the man's character doesn't really support that theory. He is calm, practical, low-key, and completely sane, by modern standards. He enjoys beer, smokes occasionally, exercises daily, and has a healthy appreciation for the value of his teaching. He has a good but untrained tenor voice and enjoys singing cheerful, popular songs. He likes reading, but not obsessively—mostly fiction with a hint of optimistic spirituality. He sleeps well and rarely dreams. In fact, he’s the last person to create a wild story. On the contrary, he's been quite reserved about the whole thing. He responds to questions with a kind of endearing shyness that disarms even the most skeptical. He seems genuinely embarrassed that something so strange has happened to him.
It is to be regretted that Plattner’s aversion to the idea of post-mortem dissection may postpone, perhaps for ever, the positive proof that his entire[5] body has had its left and right sides transposed. Upon that fact mainly the credibility of his story hangs. There is no way of taking a man and moving him about in space, as ordinary people understand space, that will result in our changing his sides. Whatever you do, his right is still his right, his left his left. You can do that with a perfectly thin and flat thing, of course. If you were to cut a figure out of paper, any figure with a right and left side, you could change its sides simply by lifting it up and turning it over. But with a solid it is different. Mathematical theorists tell us that the only way in which the right and left sides of a solid body can be changed is by taking that body clean out of space as we know it,—taking it out of ordinary existence, that is, and turning it somewhere outside space. This is a little abstruse, no doubt, but anyone with any knowledge of mathematical theory will assure the reader of its truth. To put the thing in technical language, the curious inversion of Plattner’s right and left sides is proof that he has moved out of our space into what is called the Fourth Dimension, and that he has returned again to our world. Unless we choose to consider ourselves the victims of an elaborate and motiveless fabrication, we are almost bound to believe that this has occurred.
It’s unfortunate that Plattner’s dislike of the idea of post-mortem dissection may delay, possibly forever, the definitive proof that his whole[5] body has had its left and right sides switched. The credibility of his story largely relies on this fact. There’s no way to physically move a person around in space, as most people understand it, that would result in an exchange of their sides. No matter what you do, his right side remains his right, and his left stays his left. You can accomplish this with something completely flat and thin, of course. If you cut out a shape from paper that has a right and left side, you could switch them simply by lifting it and flipping it over. But it’s different with a solid object. Mathematical theorists explain that the only way to switch the right and left sides of a solid body is by completely removing that body out of the space we know—essentially taking it out of ordinary existence and flipping it in some realm outside of space. This might be a bit complex, but anyone familiar with mathematical theory will confirm its accuracy. To put it in technical terms, the strange switching of Plattner’s right and left sides indicates that he has moved from our space into what’s referred to as the Fourth Dimension, and that he has returned to our world. Unless we decide to view ourselves as victims of a complicated and senseless fabrication, we’re nearly compelled to believe that this has happened.
So much for the tangible facts. We come now to the account of the phenomena that attended his temporary disappearance from the world. It appears that in the Sussexville Proprietary School, Plattner not only discharged the duties of Modern Languages Master, but also taught chemistry, commercial geography, book-keeping, shorthand, drawing, and any[6] other additional subject to which the changing fancies of the boys’ parents might direct attention. He knew little or nothing of these various subjects, but in secondary as distinguished from Board or elementary schools, knowledge in the teacher is, very properly, by no means so necessary as high moral character and gentlemanly tone. In chemistry he was particularly deficient, knowing, he says, nothing beyond the Three Gases (whatever the three gases may be). As, however, his pupils began by knowing nothing, and derived all their information from him, this caused him (or anyone) but little inconvenience for several terms. Then a little boy named Whibble joined the school, who had been educated (it seems) by some mischievous relative into an inquiring habit of mind. This little boy followed Plattner’s lessons with marked and sustained interest, and in order to exhibit his zeal on the subject, brought, at various times, substances for Plattner to analyse. Plattner, flattered by this evidence of his power of awakening interest, and trusting to the boy’s ignorance, analysed these, and even made general statements as to their composition. Indeed, he was so far stimulated by his pupil as to obtain a work upon analytical chemistry, and study it during his supervision of the evening’s preparation. He was surprised to find chemistry quite an interesting subject.
So much for the concrete facts. Now we come to the account of the events that accompanied his temporary disappearance from the world. It seems that at the Sussexville Proprietary School, Plattner not only served as the Modern Languages Master but also taught chemistry, commercial geography, bookkeeping, shorthand, drawing, and any other subject the ever-changing interests of the boys' parents might prompt. He knew little about these various subjects, but in secondary schools, as opposed to Board or elementary schools, having extensive knowledge as a teacher is, quite rightly, not as crucial as possessing a strong moral character and a gentlemanly demeanor. In chemistry, he was particularly lacking, admitting that he knew nothing beyond the Three Gases (whatever those gases might be). However, since his students started out knowing nothing and got all their information from him, this didn’t pose much of a problem for several terms. Then, a little boy named Whibble joined the school, who had been educated (it seems) by some mischievous relative to have an inquisitive mindset. This little boy showed a sustained and notable interest in Plattner's lessons, and to demonstrate his enthusiasm for the subject, he brought various substances for Plattner to analyze. Flattered by this sign of his ability to spark interest and trusting in the boy's ignorance, Plattner analyzed these substances and even made general statements about their composition. In fact, he was so motivated by his pupil that he obtained a book on analytical chemistry and studied it while overseeing the evening’s homework. He was surprised to discover that chemistry was quite an interesting subject.
So far the story is absolutely commonplace. But now the greenish powder comes upon the scene. The source of that greenish powder seems, unfortunately, lost. Master Whibble tells a tortuous story of finding it done up in a packet in a disused limekiln near the Downs. It would have been[7] an excellent thing for Plattner, and possibly for Master Whibble’s family, if a match could have been applied to that powder there and then. The young gentleman certainly did not bring it to school in a packet, but in a common eight-ounce graduated medicine bottle, plugged with masticated newspaper. He gave it to Plattner at the end of the afternoon school. Four boys had been detained after school prayers in order to complete some neglected tasks, and Plattner was supervising these in the small classroom in which the chemical teaching was conducted. The appliances for the practical teaching of chemistry in the Sussexville Proprietary School, as in most small schools in this country, are characterised by a severe simplicity. They are kept in a small cupboard standing in a recess, and having about the same capacity as a common travelling trunk. Plattner, being bored with his passive superintendence, seems to have welcomed the intervention of Whibble with his green powder as an agreeable diversion, and, unlocking this cupboard, proceeded at once with his analytical experiments. Whibble sat, luckily for himself, at a safe distance, regarding him. The four malefactors, feigning a profound absorption in their work, watched him furtively with the keenest interest. For even within the limits of the Three Gases, Plattner’s practical chemistry was, I understand, temerarious.
So far, the story is completely ordinary. But now the greenish powder enters the scene. The source of that greenish powder seems, unfortunately, lost. Master Whibble shares a complicated tale about finding it wrapped in a packet in a disused lime kiln near the Downs. It would have been[7] great for Plattner, and maybe for Master Whibble’s family, if a match had been applied to that powder right then. The young man definitely didn’t bring it to school in a packet, but in a regular eight-ounce graduated medicine bottle, sealed with chewed-up newspaper. He handed it to Plattner at the end of the afternoon class. Four boys had been kept after school prayers to finish some unfinished tasks, and Plattner was supervising them in the small classroom used for chemistry lessons. The equipment for practical chemistry at Sussexville Proprietary School, like in most small schools in this country, is quite basic. It's stored in a small cupboard in a recess, about the size of a regular travel trunk. Plattner, bored with his passive supervision, seemed to welcome Whibble’s entrance with the green powder as a nice distraction and immediately started his analytical experiments after unlocking the cupboard. Whibble sat, fortunately for himself, at a safe distance, watching him. The four troublemakers, pretending to be deeply focused on their work, watched him closely with great interest. Even within the limits of the Three Gases, Plattner’s hands-on chemistry was, I hear, quite risky.
They are practically unanimous in their account of Plattner’s proceedings. He poured a little of the green powder into a test-tube, and tried the substance with water, hydrochloric acid, nitric acid, and sulphuric acid in succession. Getting no result, he[8] emptied out a little heap—nearly half the bottleful, in fact—upon a slate and tried a match. He held the medicine bottle in his left hand. The stuff began to smoke and melt, and then—exploded with deafening violence and a blinding flash.
They all mostly agree on what Plattner did. He poured a bit of the green powder into a test tube and tested the substance with water, hydrochloric acid, nitric acid, and sulfuric acid one after the other. Not getting any results, he[8] dumped a little pile—almost half the bottle’s worth—onto a slate and tried to light it with a match. He held the medicine bottle in his left hand. The substance started to smoke and melt, and then—exploded with a deafening bang and a blinding flash.
The five boys, seeing the flash and being prepared for catastrophes, ducked below their desks, and were none of them seriously hurt. The window was blown out into the playground, and the blackboard on its easel was upset. The slate was smashed to atoms. Some plaster fell from the ceiling. No other damage was done to the school edifice or appliances, and the boys at first, seeing nothing of Plattner, fancied he was knocked down and lying out of their sight below the desks. They jumped out of their places to go to his assistance, and were amazed to find the space empty. Being still confused by the sudden violence of the report, they hurried to the open door, under the impression that he must have been hurt, and have rushed out of the room. But Carson, the foremost, nearly collided in the doorway with the principal, Mr. Lidgett.
The five boys, seeing the flash and ready for disasters, ducked down under their desks, and none of them got seriously hurt. The window blew out into the playground, and the blackboard on its easel fell over. The slate shattered into pieces. Some plaster fell from the ceiling. No other damage was done to the school building or equipment, and at first, since they couldn’t see Plattner, the boys thought he was knocked down and lying out of sight under the desks. They jumped out of their places to help him and were surprised to find the space empty. Still dazed by the sudden loud bang, they rushed to the open door, thinking he must have been hurt and had run out of the room. But Carson, in the lead, almost ran into the principal, Mr. Lidgett, in the doorway.
Mr. Lidgett is a corpulent, excitable man with one eye. The boys describe him as stumbling into the room mouthing some of those tempered expletives irritable schoolmasters accustom themselves to use—lest worse befall. “Wretched mumchancer!” he said. “Where’s Mr. Plattner?” The boys are agreed on the very words. (“Wobbler,” “snivelling puppy,” and “mumchancer” are, it seems, among the ordinary small change of Mr. Lidgett’s scholastic commerce.)
Mr. Lidgett is a heavyset, excitable man with one eye. The boys say he stumbles into the room yelling some of those annoyed curses that irritated teachers tend to use—just to avoid saying something worse. “Wretched mumchancer!” he shouted. “Where’s Mr. Plattner?” The boys all remember the exact words. (“Wobbler,” “sniveling puppy,” and “mumchancer” seem to be part of Mr. Lidgett’s usual vocabulary in teaching.)
Where’s Mr. Plattner? That was a question that[9] was to be repeated many times in the next few days. It really seemed as though that frantic hyperbole, “blown to atoms,” had for once realised itself. There was not a visible particle of Plattner to be seen; not a drop of blood nor a stitch of clothing to be found. Apparently he had been blown clean out of existence and left not a wrack behind. Not so much as would cover a sixpenny piece, to quote a proverbial expression! The evidence of his absolute disappearance, as a consequence of that explosion, is indubitable.
Where's Mr. Plattner? That was a question that[9] would be asked many times in the next few days. It really seemed as if that dramatic exaggeration, “blown to atoms,” had actually come true. There wasn't a single trace of Plattner to be found; not a drop of blood or a piece of clothing in sight. It seemed like he had been completely erased from existence, leaving no remnants behind. Not even enough to cover a sixpenny coin, to use a common saying! The evidence of his total disappearance due to that explosion is undeniable.
It is not necessary to enlarge here upon the commotion excited in the Sussexville Proprietary School, and in Sussexville and elsewhere, by this event. It is quite possible, indeed, that some of the readers of these pages may recall the hearing of some remote and dying version of that excitement during the last summer holidays. Lidgett, it would seem, did everything in his power to suppress and minimise the story. He instituted a penalty of twenty-five lines for any mention of Plattner’s name among the boys, and stated in the schoolroom that he was clearly aware of his assistant’s whereabouts. He was afraid, he explains, that the possibility of an explosion happening, in spite of the elaborate precautions taken to minimise the practical teaching of chemistry, might injure the reputation of the school; and so might any mysterious quality in Plattner’s departure. Indeed, he did everything in his power to make the occurrence seem as ordinary as possible. In particular, he cross-examined the five eye-witnesses of the occurrence so searchingly that they began to doubt the plain evidence of their senses. But, in spite of these efforts, the tale, in a[10] magnified and distorted state, made a nine days’ wonder in the district, and several parents withdrew their sons on colourable pretexts. Not the least remarkable point in the matter is the fact that a large number of people in the neighbourhood dreamed singularly vivid dreams of Plattner during the period of excitement before his return, and that these dreams had a curious uniformity. In almost all of them Plattner was seen, sometimes singly, sometimes in company, wandering about through a coruscating iridescence. In all cases his face was pale and distressed, and in some he gesticulated towards the dreamer. One or two of the boys, evidently under the influence of nightmare, fancied that Plattner approached them with remarkable swiftness, and seemed to look closely into their very eyes. Others fled with Plattner from the pursuit of vague and extraordinary creatures of a globular shape. But all these fancies were forgotten in inquiries and speculations when, on the Wednesday next but one after the Monday of the explosion, Plattner returned.
It’s not necessary to elaborate on the chaos stirred up at the Sussexville Proprietary School, and in Sussexville and beyond, by this event. In fact, some readers may remember hearing some distant and fading version of that excitement during last summer's holidays. Lidgett seemed to do everything he could to downplay and minimize the story. He imposed a punishment of twenty-five lines for any mention of Plattner’s name among the boys and stated in the classroom that he was well aware of his assistant's whereabouts. He explained that he was worried that the possibility of an explosion, despite the extensive precautions taken to limit practical chemistry teaching, could damage the school's reputation, along with any mysterious nature surrounding Plattner’s departure. Indeed, he did everything possible to make the incident seem as routine as it could be. Specifically, he interrogated the five eyewitnesses so thoroughly that they began to doubt their own clear memories. However, despite these efforts, the story, in a[10] exaggerated and distorted form, became a nine-day sensation in the area, and several parents withdrew their sons under dubious pretenses. Notably, a large number of people in the neighborhood experienced strikingly vivid dreams of Plattner during the period of excitement leading up to his return, and these dreams had a strange similarity. In nearly all of them, Plattner was seen, sometimes alone and sometimes with others, wandering through a dazzling, shifting light. In every case, his face appeared pale and troubled, and in some dreams, he gestured toward the dreamer. A couple of the boys, clearly plagued by nightmares, thought Plattner approached them with great speed and seemed to gaze deeply into their eyes. Others fled with Plattner from the chase of vague, extraordinary, globular creatures. But all these thoughts faded into inquiries and speculations when, on the Wednesday of the week after the Monday of the explosion, Plattner returned.
The circumstances of his return were as singular as those of his departure. So far as Mr. Lidgett’s somewhat choleric outline can be filled in from Plattner’s hesitating statements, it would appear that on Wednesday evening, towards the hour of sunset, the former gentleman, having dismissed evening preparation, was engaged in his garden, picking and eating strawberries, a fruit of which he is inordinately fond. It is a large old-fashioned garden, secured from observation, fortunately, by a high and ivy-covered red-brick wall. Just as he was stooping[11] over a particularly prolific plant, there was a flash in the air and a heavy thud, and before he could look round, some heavy body struck him violently from behind. He was pitched forward, crushing the strawberries he held in his hand, and that so roughly, that his silk hat—Mr. Lidgett adheres to the older ideas of scholastic costume—was driven violently down upon his forehead, and almost over one eye. This heavy missile, which slid over him sideways and collapsed into a sitting posture among the strawberry plants, proved to be our long-lost Mr. Gottfried Plattner, in an extremely dishevelled condition. He was collarless and hatless, his linen was dirty, and there was blood upon his hands. Mr. Lidgett was so indignant and surprised that he remained on all-fours, and with his hat jammed down on his eye, while he expostulated vehemently with Plattner for his disrespectful and unaccountable conduct.
The circumstances of his return were just as unusual as those of his departure. From what we can gather from Plattner’s hesitant statements, Mr. Lidgett, who has a bit of a temper, was in his garden on Wednesday evening, around sunset, after finishing his evening prep. He was picking and eating strawberries, which he really loves. His garden is large and old-fashioned, and luckily, it’s surrounded by a high, ivy-covered red-brick wall, keeping it private. Just as he was bending over a particularly fruitful plant, there was a flash in the air followed by a heavy thud. Before he could turn around, something heavy hit him hard from behind. He was thrown forward, crushing the strawberries in his hand so roughly that his silk hat—Mr. Lidgett sticks to the older style of academic dress—was knocked down over his forehead, nearly covering one eye. This heavy object, which then slid off him and ended up sitting amongst the strawberry plants, turned out to be our long-lost Mr. Gottfried Plattner, looking very disheveled. He was collarless and hatless, his shirt was dirty, and there was blood on his hands. Mr. Lidgett was so shocked and angry that he remained on all fours, with his hat pushed down over his eye, while he angrily confronted Plattner about his disrespectful and inexplicable behavior.
This scarcely idyllic scene completes what I may call the exterior version of the Plattner story—its exoteric aspect. It is quite unnecessary to enter here into all the details of his dismissal by Mr. Lidgett. Such details, with the full names and dates and references, will be found in the larger report of these occurrences that was laid before the Society for the Investigation of Abnormal Phenomena. The singular transposition of Plattner’s right and left sides was scarcely observed for the first day or so, and then first in connection with his disposition to write from right to left across the blackboard. He concealed rather than ostended this curious confirmatory circumstance, as he considered[12] it would unfavourably affect his prospects in a new situation. The displacement of his heart was discovered some months after, when he was having a tooth extracted under anæsthetics. He then, very unwillingly, allowed a cursory surgical examination to be made of himself, with a view to a brief account in the Journal of Anatomy. That exhausts the statement of the material facts; and we may now go on to consider Plattner’s account of the matter.
This hardly perfect scene completes what I might call the outside version of the Plattner story—its public side. It's unnecessary to go into all the details of his dismissal by Mr. Lidgett. Those specifics, with all the names, dates, and references, can be found in the larger report of these events that was submitted to the Society for the Investigation of Abnormal Phenomena. The strange reversal of Plattner’s right and left sides went mostly unnoticed for the first day or so, and then was first noticed because he started writing from right to left on the blackboard. He tried to hide this odd confirmation, thinking it would hurt his chances in a new job. The shift of his heart was discovered a few months later when he was getting a tooth pulled under anesthesia. At that point, he reluctantly allowed a quick medical examination to be conducted for a brief article in the Journal of Anatomy. That wraps up the account of the material facts, and now we can move on to consider Plattner’s perspective on the situation.
But first let us clearly differentiate between the preceding portion of this story and what is to follow. All I have told thus far is established by such evidence as even a criminal lawyer would approve. Every one of the witnesses is still alive; the reader, if he have the leisure, may hunt the lads out tomorrow, or even brave the terrors of the redoubtable Lidgett, and cross-examine and trap and test to his heart’s content; Gottfried Plattner, himself, and his twisted heart and his three photographs are producible. It may be taken as proved that he did disappear for nine days as the consequence of an explosion; that he returned almost as violently, under circumstances in their nature annoying to Mr. Lidgett, whatever the details of those circumstances may be; and that he returned inverted, just as a reflection returns from a mirror. From the last fact, as I have already stated, it follows almost inevitably that Plattner, during those nine days, must have been in some state of existence altogether out of space. The evidence to these statements is, indeed, far stronger than that upon which most murderers are hanged. But for his own particular[13] account of where he had been, with its confused explanations and well-nigh self-contradictory details, we have only Mr. Gottfried Plattner’s word. I do not wish to discredit that, but I must point out—what so many writers upon obscure psychic phenomena fail to do—that we are passing here from the practically undeniable to that kind of matter which any reasonable man is entitled to believe or reject as he thinks proper. The previous statements render it plausible; its discordance with common experience tilts it towards the incredible. I would prefer not to sway the beam of the reader’s judgment either way, but simply to tell the story as Plattner told it me.
But first, let's clear up the difference between the part of the story we've covered so far and what’s coming next. Everything I’ve shared up to this point is backed by evidence even a criminal lawyer would accept. Every witness is still alive; if you have the time, you could track those guys down tomorrow, or even face the daunting Lidgett to cross-examine and challenge them as much as you want. Gottfried Plattner himself, along with his twisted heart and three photographs, can be presented. It can be reliably stated that he did disappear for nine days due to an explosion; he returned almost just as dramatically, under circumstances that were bothersome to Mr. Lidgett, no matter the specifics of those circumstances; and he returned flipped, just like a reflection comes back from a mirror. From this last point, as I've already mentioned, it’s almost certain that during those nine days, Plattner must have existed in some state outside of our normal understanding of space. The evidence for these claims is indeed much stronger than what most murderers are convicted on. However, for his own account of where he had been, with its confusing explanations and nearly contradictory details, we only have Mr. Gottfried Plattner’s word. I don’t mean to discredit that, but I must highlight—something many writers on obscure psychic phenomena fail to do—that we are moving from what is practically undeniable to matters that any reasonable person can choose to believe or reject as they see fit. The earlier statements make it seem plausible; however, its inconsistency with common experience makes it lean toward being unbelievable. I’d prefer not to influence your judgment either way, but just to recount the story as Plattner shared it with me.
He gave me his narrative, I may state, at my house at Chislehurst, and so soon as he had left me that evening, I went into my study and wrote down everything as I remembered it. Subsequently he was good enough to read over a type-written copy, so that its substantial correctness is undeniable.
He told me his story at my place in Chislehurst, and as soon as he left that evening, I went to my study and wrote down everything I remembered. Later, he kindly reviewed a typed copy, so its accuracy is unquestionable.
He states that at the moment of the explosion he distinctly thought he was killed. He felt lifted off his feet and driven forcibly backward. It is a curious fact for psychologists that he thought clearly during his backward flight, and wondered whether he should hit the chemistry cupboard or the blackboard easel. His heels struck ground, and he staggered and fell heavily into a sitting position on something soft and firm. For a moment the concussion stunned him. He became aware at once of a vivid scent of singed hair, and he seemed to hear the voice of Lidgett asking for him. You will[14] understand that for a time his mind was greatly confused.
He says that at the moment of the explosion he clearly thought he was dead. He felt like he was lifted off his feet and thrown backward. Interestingly, he was able to think clearly during his backward fall and wondered whether he would hit the chemistry cupboard or the blackboard easel. His heels hit the ground, and he staggered, falling heavily into a sitting position on something soft and firm. For a moment, the impact stunned him. He immediately noticed a strong smell of burnt hair, and he seemed to hear Lidgett’s voice calling for him. You will[14] understand that for a while his mind was really confused.
At first he was distinctly under the impression that he was still in the classroom. He perceived quite distinctly the surprise of the boys and the entry of Mr. Lidgett. He is quite positive upon that score. He did not hear their remarks; but that he ascribed to the deafening effect of the experiment. Things about him seemed curiously dark and faint, but his mind explained that on the obvious but mistaken idea that the explosion had engendered a huge volume of dark smoke. Through the dimness the figures of Lidgett and the boys moved, as faint and silent as ghosts. Plattner’s face still tingled with the stinging heat of the flash. He was, he says, “all muddled.” His first definite thoughts seem to have been of his personal safety. He thought he was perhaps blinded and deafened. He felt his limbs and face in a gingerly manner. Then his perceptions grew clearer, and he was astonished to miss the old familiar desks and other schoolroom furniture about him. Only dim, uncertain, grey shapes stood in the place of these. Then came a thing that made him shout aloud, and awoke his stunned faculties to instant activity. Two of the boys, gesticulating, walked one after the other clean through him! Neither manifested the slightest consciousness of his presence. It is difficult to imagine the sensation he felt. They came against him, he says, with no more force than a wisp of mist.
At first, he clearly thought he was still in the classroom. He distinctly noticed the surprise on the boys' faces and Mr. Lidgett entering. He's completely sure about that. He didn't hear their comments, but he attributed that to the overwhelming noise from the experiment. Everything around him seemed oddly dark and blurry, but his mind rationalized it with the incorrect idea that the explosion had created a massive cloud of dark smoke. Through the darkness, Lidgett and the boys appeared, faint and silent like ghosts. Plattner's face still felt the sharp heat from the flash. He felt, as he puts it, “all mixed up.” His first clear thoughts were about his own safety. He thought he might be blinded and deafened. He cautiously checked his limbs and face. Then his senses began to sharpen, and he was shocked to find that the old, familiar desks and other classroom furniture were missing. Only vague, uncertain, gray shapes filled the space. Then came a moment that made him shout, snapping him back to awareness. Two of the boys, waving their arms, walked right through him one after the other! Neither of them showed the slightest awareness of his presence. It’s hard to describe the feeling he experienced. They brushed past him with no more force than a puff of mist.
Plattner’s first thought after that was that he was dead. Having been brought up with thoroughly sound views in these matters, however, he was a[15] little surprised to find his body still about him. His second conclusion was that he was not dead, but that the others were: that the explosion had destroyed the Sussexville Proprietary School and every soul in it except himself. But that, too, was scarcely satisfactory. He was thrown back upon astonished observation.
Plattner’s first thought after that was that he was dead. Having been raised with solid beliefs about these things, though, he was a[15] bit surprised to find his body still with him. His second conclusion was that he wasn’t dead, but that everyone else was: that the explosion had wiped out the Sussexville Proprietary School and everyone in it except him. But that realization wasn’t very comforting either. He found himself stuck in a state of astonished observation.
Everything about him was extraordinarily dark: at first it seemed to have an altogether ebony blackness. Overhead was a black firmament. The only touch of light in the scene was a faint greenish glow at the edge of the sky in one direction, which threw into prominence a horizon of undulating black hills. This, I say, was his impression at first. As his eye grew accustomed to the darkness, he began to distinguish a faint quality of differentiating greenish colour in the circumambient night. Against this background the furniture and occupants of the classroom, it seems, stood out like phosphorescent spectres, faint and impalpable. He extended his hand, and thrust it without an effort through the wall of the room by the fireplace.
Everything about him was incredibly dark: at first, it appeared to have a deep, ebony blackness. Above was a black sky. The only hint of light in the scene was a faint greenish glow at the edge of the sky in one direction, which highlighted a horizon of rolling black hills. This, I say, was his initial impression. As his eyes adjusted to the darkness, he started to notice a subtle greenish tint in the surrounding night. Against this backdrop, the furniture and people in the classroom seemed to stand out like ghostly figures, faint and insubstantial. He extended his hand and effortlessly pushed it through the wall of the room by the fireplace.
He describes himself as making a strenuous effort to attract attention. He shouted to Lidgett, and tried to seize the boys as they went to and fro. He only desisted from these attempts when Mrs. Lidgett, whom he (as an Assistant Master) naturally disliked, entered the room. He says the sensation of being in the world, and yet not a part of it, was an extraordinarily disagreeable one. He compared his feelings, not inaptly, to those of a cat watching a mouse through a window. Whenever he made a motion to communicate with the dim,[16] familiar world about him, he found an invisible, incomprehensible barrier preventing intercourse.
He describes himself as really trying hard to get attention. He yelled to Lidgett and tried to grab the boys as they moved back and forth. He only stopped these attempts when Mrs. Lidgett, whom he (as an Assistant Master) obviously disliked, came into the room. He says the feeling of being in the world but not being a part of it was extremely unpleasant. He likened his feelings, quite fittingly, to those of a cat watching a mouse through a window. Whenever he tried to reach out to the shadowy, familiar world around him, he found an invisible, incomprehensible barrier blocking any connection.
He then turned his attention to his solid environment. He found the medicine bottle still unbroken in his hand, with the remainder of the green powder therein. He put this in his pocket, and began to feel about him. Apparently, he was sitting on a boulder of rock covered with a velvety moss. The dark country about him he was unable to see, the faint, misty picture of the schoolroom blotting it out, but he had a feeling (due perhaps to a cold wind) that he was near the crest of a hill, and that a steep valley fell away beneath his feet. The green glow along the edge of the sky seemed to be growing in extent and intensity. He stood up, rubbing his eyes.
He then focused on his solid surroundings. He realized that the medicine bottle was still unbroken in his hand, with the remaining green powder inside. He put it in his pocket and started to feel around him. It seemed he was sitting on a boulder covered in soft moss. He couldn't see the dark landscape around him; the faint, hazy image of the classroom was blocking it out, but he had a sense (possibly due to a chilly breeze) that he was near the top of a hill and that a steep valley dropped away beneath him. The green glow along the horizon appeared to be expanding and intensifying. He got up, rubbing his eyes.
It would seem that he made a few steps, going steeply down hill, and then stumbled, nearly fell, and sat down again upon a jagged mass of rock to watch the dawn. He became aware that the world about him was absolutely silent. It was as still as it was dark, and though there was a cold wind blowing up the hill-face, the rustle of grass, the soughing of the boughs that should have accompanied it, were absent. He could hear, therefore, if he could not see, that the hillside upon which he stood was rocky and desolate. The green grew brighter every moment, and as it did so a faint, transparent blood-red mingled with, but did not mitigate, the blackness of the sky overhead and the rocky desolations about him. Having regard to what follows, I am inclined to think that that redness may have been an optical effect due to contrast. Something black fluttered[17] momentarily against the livid yellow-green of the lower sky, and then the thin and penetrating voice of a bell rose out of the black gulf below him. An oppressive expectation grew with the growing light.
He seemed to take a few steps, descending steeply, then stumbled, nearly fell, and sat down on a jagged rock to watch the dawn. He noticed that the world around him was completely silent. It was as still as it was dark, and although a cold wind was blowing up the hillside, the rustling of grass and the swaying of the branches that should have accompanied it were missing. He could hear, even if he couldn't see, that the hillside he stood on was rocky and barren. The green grew brighter with each moment, and as it did, a faint, transparent blood-red mixed with, but didn't lessen, the darkness of the sky above him and the rocky desolation surrounding him. Considering what happens next, I think that redness might have been an optical effect from the contrast. Something black fluttered for a moment against the sickly yellow-green of the lower sky, and then a thin, piercing sound of a bell rose up from the black void below him. An oppressive sense of expectation grew along with the increasing light.
It is probable that an hour or more elapsed while he sat there, the strange green light growing brighter every moment, and spreading slowly, in flamboyant fingers, upward towards the zenith. As it grew, the spectral vision of our world became relatively or absolutely fainter. Probably both, for the time must have been about that of our earthly sunset. So far as his vision of our world went, Plattner, by his few steps downhill, had passed through the floor of the classroom, and was now, it seemed, sitting in mid-air in the larger schoolroom downstairs. He saw the boarders distinctly, but much more faintly than he had seen Lidgett. They were preparing their evening tasks, and he noticed with interest that several were cheating with their Euclid riders by means of a crib, a compilation whose existence he had hitherto never suspected. As the time passed, they faded steadily, as steadily as the light of the green dawn increased.
It’s likely that an hour or more went by while he sat there, the strange green light growing brighter with each passing moment and slowly spreading upward like flamboyant fingers toward the sky. As it intensified, the ghostly image of our world became fainter, either relatively or absolutely. Probably both, since the timing must have been around our earthly sunset. As far as his perception of our world went, Plattner, by taking his few steps downhill, had moved through the floor of the classroom and was now, it seemed, floating in mid-air in the larger schoolroom below. He saw the boarders clearly, but much more faintly than he had seen Lidgett. They were getting ready for their evening tasks, and he noticed with interest that several were using a crib to cheat on their Euclid problems, a compilation he had never suspected existed. As time passed, they gradually faded, just as the light of the green dawn grew stronger.
Looking down into the valley, he saw that the light had crept far down its rocky sides, and that the profound blackness of the abyss was now broken by a minute green glow, like the light of a glow-worm. And almost immediately the limb of a huge heavenly body of blazing green rose over the basaltic undulations of the distant hills, and the monstrous hill-masses about him came out gaunt and desolate, in green light and deep, ruddy black shadows. He became aware of a vast number of ball-shaped objects[18] drifting as thistledown drifts over the high ground. There were none of these nearer to him than the opposite side of the gorge. The bell below twanged quicker and quicker, with something like impatient insistence, and several lights moved hither and thither. The boys at work at their desks were now almost imperceptibly faint.
Looking down into the valley, he noticed that the light had spread far down the rocky slopes, and the deep darkness of the abyss was now interrupted by a tiny green glow, like that of a glow-worm. Almost immediately, a massive celestial body radiating green light rose above the rocky hills in the distance, and the huge hill masses around him appeared stark and desolate, illuminated in green light and deep, rich black shadows. He noticed a vast number of round objects[18] drifting like dandelion fluff over the high ground. None of these were closer to him than the far side of the gorge. The bell below rang faster and faster, with a sense of impatient insistence, and several lights moved back and forth. The boys working at their desks were now almost faintly visible.
This extinction of our world, when the green sun of this other universe rose, is a curious point upon which Plattner insists. During the Other-World night it is difficult to move about, on account of the vividness with which the things of this world are visible. It becomes a riddle to explain why, if this is the case, we in this world catch no glimpse of the Other-World. It is due, perhaps, to the comparatively vivid illumination of this world of ours. Plattner describes the midday of the Other-World, at its brightest, as not being nearly so bright as this world at full moon, while its night is profoundly black. Consequently, the amount of light, even in an ordinary dark room, is sufficient to render the things of the Other-World invisible, on the same principle that faint phosphorescence is only visible in the profoundest darkness. I have tried, since he told me his story, to see something of the Other-World by sitting for a long space in a photographer’s dark room at night. I have certainly seen indistinctly the form of greenish slopes and rocks, but only, I must admit, very indistinctly indeed. The reader may possibly be more successful. Plattner tells me that since his return he has dreamt and seen and recognised places in the Other-World, but this is probably due to his memory of these scenes. It[19] seems quite possible that people with unusually keen eyesight may occasionally catch a glimpse of this strange Other-World about us.
This extinction of our world, when the green sun of this other universe rose, is a curious point that Plattner emphasizes. During the Other-World night, it's hard to move around because of how brightly the things in this world are visible. It raises a question as to why, if this is the case, we can't see anything from the Other-World. Maybe it's because of the comparatively bright light in our world. Plattner describes the midday of the Other-World, at its brightest, as not nearly as bright as our world at full moon, while its night is incredibly dark. As a result, even in an ordinarily dark room, there's enough light to make the things from the Other-World invisible, similar to how faint phosphorescence can only be seen in complete darkness. Since he told me his story, I've tried to see something from the Other-World by sitting in a photographer’s dark room at night for a long time. I have definitely seen the vague shapes of greenish slopes and rocks, but I have to admit, only very vaguely. You might have more luck. Plattner tells me that since his return, he's dreamed about and recognized places in the Other-World, but that’s probably because he remembers these scenes. It seems quite possible that people with exceptionally good eyesight might occasionally catch a glimpse of this strange Other-World around us.
However, this is a digression. As the green sun rose, a long street of black buildings became perceptible, though only darkly and indistinctly, in the gorge, and, after some hesitation, Plattner began to clamber down the precipitous descent towards them. The descent was long and exceedingly tedious, being so not only by the extraordinary steepness, but also by reason of the looseness of the boulders with which the whole face of the hill was strewn. The noise of his descent—now and then his heels struck fire from the rocks—seemed now the only sound in the universe, for the beating of the bell had ceased. As he drew nearer, he perceived that the various edifices had a singular resemblance to tombs and mausoleums and monuments, saving only that they were all uniformly black instead of being white, as most sepulchres are. And then he saw, crowding out of the largest building, very much as people disperse from church, a number of pallid, rounded, pale-green figures. These dispersed in several directions about the broad street of the place, some going through side alleys and reappearing upon the steepness of the hill, others entering some of the small black buildings which lined the way.
However, this is a tangent. As the green sun rose, a long street of black buildings became visible, though only dimly and vaguely, in the gorge, and after a moment's hesitation, Plattner started to climb down the steep slope toward them. The descent was long and extremely tedious, not only because of the steepness but also because of the loose boulders scattered across the entire face of the hill. The noise of his descent—his heels occasionally sparking against the rocks—seemed to be the only sound in the universe, as the ringing of the bell had stopped. As he got closer, he noticed that the various buildings resembled tombs, mausoleums, and monuments, except they were all uniformly black instead of the typical white of most grave markers. Then he saw, spilling out of the largest building like people leaving a church, a number of pale, rounded, light green figures. These figures scattered in various directions along the wide street, some going through side alleys and reappearing on the slope of the hill, while others entered the small black buildings lining the way.
At the sight of these things drifting up towards him, Plattner stopped, staring. They were not walking, they were indeed limbless, and they had the appearance of human heads, beneath which a tadpole-like body swung. He was too astonished at their strangeness, too full, indeed, of strangeness,[20] to be seriously alarmed by them. They drove towards him, in front of the chill wind that was blowing uphill, much as soap-bubbles drive before a draught. And as he looked at the nearest of those approaching, he saw it was indeed a human head, albeit with singularly large eyes, and wearing such an expression of distress and anguish as he had never seen before upon mortal countenance. He was surprised to find that it did not turn to regard him, but seemed to be watching and following some unseen moving thing. For a moment he was puzzled, and then it occurred to him that this creature was watching with its enormous eyes something that was happening in the world he had just left. Nearer it came, and nearer, and he was too astonished to cry out. It made a very faint fretting sound as it came close to him. Then it struck his face with a gentle pat—its touch was very cold—and drove past him, and upward towards the crest of the hill.
At the sight of these things floating toward him, Plattner stopped, staring. They weren't walking; they were actually limbless and had the appearance of human heads, with a tadpole-like body swinging underneath. He was too amazed by their oddity, too overwhelmed by the strangeness, [20] to feel any real fear. They moved toward him, pushed by the chilly wind blowing uphill, much like soap bubbles drifting in a draft. As he looked at the nearest one approaching, he realized it was indeed a human head, although it had unusually large eyes and wore an expression of distress and anguish like he had never seen on a human face before. He was surprised to see that it didn’t turn to look at him but seemed to be watching and following something unseen moving nearby. For a moment, he was confused, and then it struck him that this creature was fixated with its huge eyes on something happening in the world he had just left. It came closer and closer, and he was too astonished to cry out. It made a very faint, nervous sound as it got near him. Then it gently tapped his face—its touch was very cold—and floated past him, heading upward toward the hill's crest.
An extraordinary conviction flashed across Plattner’s mind that this head had a strong likeness to Lidgett. Then he turned his attention to the other heads that were now swarming thickly up the hillside. None made the slightest sign of recognition. One or two, indeed, came close to his head and almost followed the example of the first, but he dodged convulsively out of the way. Upon most of them he saw the same expression of unavailing regret he had seen upon the first, and heard the same faint sounds of wretchedness from them. One or two wept, and one rolling swiftly uphill wore an expression of diabolical rage. But others were cold, and several had a look of gratified interest in their[21] eyes. One, at least, was almost in an ecstasy of happiness. Plattner does not remember that he recognised any more likenesses in those he saw at this time.
An intense thought shot through Plattner’s mind that this head looked a lot like Lidgett. Then he focused on the other heads that were now swarming up the hillside. None of them showed the slightest sign of recognition. One or two even came close to him and almost mirrored the behavior of the first, but he quickly dodged out of the way. On most of them, he noticed the same expression of helpless regret he had seen on the first one, along with the same faint sounds of misery. A couple were crying, and one that rolled rapidly uphill had a look of sheer rage. But others were indifferent, and several had a look of curious interest in their[21] eyes. One, at least, seemed to be almost ecstatic with happiness. Plattner didn’t recall recognizing any more similarities among those he saw at that moment.
For several hours, perhaps, Plattner watched these strange things dispersing themselves over the hills, and not till long after they had ceased to issue from the clustering black buildings in the gorge, did he resume his downward climb. The darkness about him increased so much that he had a difficulty in stepping true. Overhead the sky was now a bright, pale green. He felt neither hunger nor thirst. Later, when he did, he found a chilly stream running down the centre of the gorge, and the rare moss upon the boulders, when he tried it at last in desperation, was good to eat.
For several hours, Plattner watched these strange things spreading over the hills. It wasn't until long after they had stopped coming out of the clustered black buildings in the gorge that he started his descent again. The darkness around him grew so intense that he struggled to find his footing. Above him, the sky was now a bright, pale green. He didn't feel hunger or thirst. Later, when he did, he discovered a cold stream running down the center of the gorge, and the rare moss on the boulders, which he finally tried out of desperation, was actually edible.
He groped about among the tombs that ran down the gorge, seeking vaguely for some clue to these inexplicable things. After a long time he came to the entrance of the big mausoleum-like building from which the heads had issued. In this he found a group of green lights burning upon a kind of basaltic altar, and a bell-rope from a belfry overhead hanging down into the centre of the place. Round the wall ran a lettering of fire in a character unknown to him. While he was still wondering at the purport of these things, he heard the receding tramp of heavy feet echoing far down the street. He ran out into the darkness again, but he could see nothing. He had a mind to pull the bell-rope, and finally decided to follow the footsteps. But, although he ran far, he never overtook them; and his shouting was of no avail. The gorge seemed to extend an[22] interminable distance. It was as dark as earthly starlight throughout its length, while the ghastly green day lay along the upper edge of its precipices. There were none of the heads, now, below. They were all, it seemed, busily occupied along the upper slopes. Looking up, he saw them drifting hither and thither, some hovering stationary, some flying swiftly through the air. It reminded him, he said, of “big snowflakes”; only these were black and pale green.
He searched among the tombs that lined the gorge, vaguely looking for some clue to these puzzling occurrences. After a long time, he reached the entrance of a large mausoleum-like building from which the heads had emerged. Inside, he found a group of green lights glowing on a kind of basalt altar, and a bell rope hanging down from a belfry overhead in the center of the room. Around the walls, there was writing made of fire in a script he didn’t recognize. While he was still trying to understand what it all meant, he heard the sound of heavy footsteps echoing down the street. He rushed outside into the darkness again, but he couldn't see anything. He considered pulling the bell rope and ultimately decided to follow the footsteps. However, even though he ran for a long time, he never caught up to them, and his shouting did nothing. The gorge seemed to stretch on for an endless distance. It was as dark as starlight throughout, while a ghastly green light lay along the upper edges of the cliffs. There were no heads below now; they all seemed to be busy along the upper slopes. Looking up, he saw them drifting to and fro, some hovering in place, others zipping through the air. He thought it reminded him of “big snowflakes”; except these were black and pale green.
In pursuing the firm, undeviating footsteps that he never overtook, in groping into new regions of this endless devil’s dyke, in clambering up and down the pitiless heights, in wandering about the summits, and in watching the drifting faces, Plattner states that he spent the better part of seven or eight days. He did not keep count, he says. Though once or twice he found eyes watching him, he had word with no living soul. He slept among the rocks on the hillside. In the gorge things earthly were invisible, because, from the earthly standpoint, it was far underground. On the altitudes, so soon as the earthly day began, the world became visible to him. He found himself sometimes stumbling over the dark green rocks, or arresting himself on a precipitous brink, while all about him the green branches of the Sussexville lanes were swaying; or, again, he seemed to be walking through the Sussexville streets, or watching unseen the private business of some household. And then it was he discovered, that to almost every human being in our world there pertained some of these drifting heads: that everyone in the world is watched intermittently by these helpless disembodiments.
In trying to follow the steady, unwavering footsteps he never caught up to, exploring new areas of this endless dark pit, climbing up and down the unforgiving heights, wandering around the peaks, and observing the drifting faces, Plattner mentions that he spent most of seven or eight days doing this. He didn't keep track, he says. Although he noticed a couple of times that he was being watched, he didn't speak to any living person. He slept on the rocks on the hillside. In the gorge, earthly things were invisible because it was far underground from a worldly perspective. On the high ground, as soon as the earthly day began, the world became clear to him. He sometimes found himself stumbling over the dark green rocks or stopping at a steep edge, while all around him the green branches of the Sussexville lanes were swaying; or, at other times, he felt like he was walking through the streets of Sussexville or secretly observing the private lives of some households. It was then he realized that almost every human being in our world was connected to some of these drifting heads: that everyone is intermittently watched by these lost spirits.
What are they—these Watchers of the Living? Plattner never learned. But two, that presently found and followed him, were like his childhood’s memory of his father and mother. Now and then other faces turned their eyes upon him: eyes like those of dead people who had swayed him, or injured him, or helped him in his youth and manhood. Whenever they looked at him, Plattner was overcome with a strange sense of responsibility. To his mother he ventured to speak; but she made no answer. She looked sadly, steadfastly, and tenderly—a little reproachfully, too, it seemed—into his eyes.
What are they—these Watchers of the Living? Plattner never figured it out. But two that found him and followed him were like the memories of his parents from childhood. Occasionally, other faces would turn their eyes towards him: eyes like those of dead people who had influenced him, harmed him, or supported him in his youth and adulthood. Whenever they looked at him, Plattner felt an overwhelming sense of responsibility. He dared to speak to his mother; however, she didn’t respond. She gazed at him sadly, steadily, and tenderly—a bit reproachfully too, it seemed—directly into his eyes.
He simply tells this story: he does not endeavour to explain. We are left to surmise who these Watchers of the Living may be, or if they are indeed the Dead, why they should so closely and passionately watch a world they have left for ever. It may be—indeed to my mind it seems just—that, when our life has closed, when evil or good is no longer a choice for us, we may still have to witness the working out of the train of consequences we have laid. If human souls continue after death, then surely human interests continue after death. But that is merely my own guess at the meaning of the things seen. Plattner offers no interpretation, for none was given him. It is well the reader should understand this clearly. Day after day, with his head reeling, he wandered about this strange-lit world outside the world, weary and, towards the end, weak and hungry. By day—by our earthly day, that is—the ghostly vision of the old familiar scenery of Sussexville, all about him,[24] irked and worried him. He could not see where to put his feet, and ever and again with a chilly touch one of these Watching Souls would come against his face. And after dark the multitude of these Watchers about him, and their intent distress, confused his mind beyond describing. A great longing to return to the earthly life that was so near and yet so remote consumed him. The unearthliness of things about him produced a positively painful mental distress. He was worried beyond describing by his own particular followers. He would shout at them to desist from staring at him, scold at them, hurry away from them. They were always mute and intent. Run as he might over the uneven ground, they followed his destinies.
He simply tells this story; he doesn't try to explain it. We're left to guess who these Watchers of the Living might be, or if they’re the Dead, why they watch so closely and passionately a world they’ve left forever. It might be—and honestly, I think it’s likely—that when our life ends, and good or evil is no longer a choice for us, we still have to witness the unfolding of the consequences we've set in motion. If human souls persist after death, then surely human interests do too. But that’s just my own speculation about the meaning of what’s seen. Plattner offers no interpretation, as none was given to him. It's important for the reader to understand this clearly. Day after day, with his head spinning, he wandered this strange-lit world beyond the world, tired and, by the end, weak and hungry. By day—our earthly day, that is— the ghostly vision of the old familiar scenery of Sussexville all around him bothered and distressed him. He couldn’t see where to step, and time and again, a chilly touch from one of these Watching Souls would brush against his face. After dark, the multitude of these Watchers around him, with their intense concern, confused his mind beyond description. A deep longing to return to the earthly life that was so close and yet so far consumed him. The unnaturalness of his surroundings caused him a genuinely painful mental distress. He felt overwhelmed by his own particular followers. He would shout at them to stop staring, scold them, and try to run away. They were always silent and focused. No matter how fast he ran over the uneven ground, they followed his fate.
On the ninth day, towards evening, Plattner heard the invisible footsteps approaching, far away down the gorge. He was then wandering over the broad crest of the same hill upon which he had fallen in his entry into this strange Other-World of his. He turned to hurry down into the gorge, feeling his way hastily, and was arrested by the sight of the thing that was happening in a room in a back street near the school. Both of the people in the room he knew by sight. The windows were open, the blinds up, and the setting sun shone clearly into it, so that it came out quite brightly at first, a vivid oblong of room, lying like a magic-lantern picture upon the black landscape and the livid green dawn. In addition to the sunlight, a candle had just been lit in the room.
On the ninth day, in the evening, Plattner heard the sound of invisible footsteps approaching from far down the gorge. He was walking over the broad crest of the same hill where he had fallen upon entering this strange Other-World. He turned to hurry down into the gorge, feeling his way quickly, and was stopped by the sight of what was happening in a room on a back street near the school. He recognized both people in the room. The windows were open, the blinds raised, and the setting sun was shining brightly into the room, making it stand out like a vivid rectangular picture against the dark landscape and the pale green dawn. Along with the sunlight, a candle had just been lit in the room.
On the bed lay a lank man, his ghastly white [25]face terrible upon the tumbled pillow. His clenched hands were raised above his head. A little table beside the bed carried a few medicine bottles, some toast and water, and an empty glass. Every now and then the lank man’s lips fell apart, to indicate a word he could not articulate. But the woman did not notice that he wanted anything, because she was busy turning out papers from an old-fashioned bureau in the opposite corner of the room. At first the picture was very vivid indeed, but as the green dawn behind it grew brighter and brighter, so it became fainter and more and more transparent.
On the bed lay a thin man, his ghastly white face haunting against the messy pillow. His clenched hands were raised above his head. A small table next to the bed held a few medicine bottles, some toast and water, and an empty glass. Every now and then, the thin man's lips parted slightly, trying to say a word he couldn't express. But the woman didn’t notice that he wanted anything because she was busy digging through papers from an old-fashioned dresser in the opposite corner of the room. At first, the scene was very vivid, but as the green dawn behind it grew brighter and brighter, it became fainter and more transparent.
As the echoing footsteps paced nearer and nearer, those footsteps that sound so loud in that Other-World and come so silently in this, Plattner perceived about him a great multitude of dim faces gathering together out of the darkness and watching the two people in the room. Never before had he seen so many of the Watchers of the Living. A multitude had eyes only for the sufferer in the room, another multitude, in infinite anguish, watched the woman as she hunted with greedy eyes for something she could not find. They crowded about Plattner, they came across his sight and buffeted his face, the noise of their unavailing regrets was all about him. He saw clearly only now and then. At other times the picture quivered dimly, through the veil of green reflections upon their movements. In the room it must have been very still, and Plattner says the candle flame streamed up into a perfectly vertical line of smoke, but in his ears each footfall and its echoes beat like a clap of thunder. And the faces! Two, more particularly near the woman’s: one a woman’s also, white and[26] clear-featured, a face which might have once been cold and hard, but which was now softened by the touch of a wisdom strange to earth. The other might have been the woman’s father. Both were evidently absorbed in the contemplation of some act of hateful meanness, so it seemed, which they could no longer guard against and prevent. Behind were others, teachers, it may be, who had taught ill, friends whose influence had failed. And over the man, too—a multitude, but none that seemed to be parents or teachers! Faces that might once have been coarse, now purged to strength by sorrow! And in the forefront one face, a girlish one, neither angry nor remorseful, but merely patient and weary, and, as it seemed to Plattner, waiting for relief. His powers of description fail him at the memory of this multitude of ghastly countenances. They gathered on the stroke of the bell. He saw them all in the space of a second. It would seem that he was so worked on by his excitement that, quite involuntarily, his restless fingers took the bottle of green powder out of his pocket and held it before him. But he does not remember that.
As the echoing footsteps got closer and closer, those footsteps that sounded so loud in that Other-World and came so quietly in this one, Plattner noticed a huge crowd of dim faces gathering from the darkness, watching the two people in the room. He had never seen so many of the Watchers of the Living before. One group focused entirely on the sufferer in the room, while another group, filled with deep anguish, watched the woman as she searched desperately for something she couldn't find. They surrounded Plattner, crossed his line of sight, and brushed against his face; the noise of their useless regrets surrounded him. He could see clearly only now and then. At other times, the scene wavered vaguely, through the green reflections of their movements. In the room, it must have been very quiet, and Plattner noted that the candle flame rose into a perfectly straight line of smoke, but in his ears, each footstep and its echoes struck like a clap of thunder. And the faces! Two stood out particularly near the woman: one was also a woman, white and clear-featured, a face that might have once been cold and hard, but which was now softened by a wisdom unfamiliar to this world. The other could have been the woman’s father. Both were clearly absorbed in the contemplation of some act of meanness, as it seemed, which they could no longer guard against or prevent. Behind them were others, perhaps teachers who had taught poorly, friends whose influence had fallen short. And around the man, too—a multitude, but none appeared to be parents or teachers! Faces that might once have been rough were now refined to strength by sorrow! And at the forefront, one face, youthful and not angry or remorseful, simply patient and weary, as if it were waiting for relief. His ability to describe fails him at the memory of this crowd of ghastly faces. They gathered at the sound of the bell. He saw them all in the blink of an eye. It seemed that he was so overwhelmed by his excitement that, almost without realizing it, his restless fingers took the bottle of green powder out of his pocket and held it before him. But he doesn't remember that.
Abruptly the footsteps ceased. He waited for the next, and there was silence, and then suddenly, cutting through the unexpected stillness like a keen, thin blade, came the first stroke of the bell. At that the multitudinous faces swayed to and fro, and a louder crying began all about him. The woman did not hear; she was burning something now in the candle flame. At the second stroke everything grew dim, and a breath of wind, icy cold, blew [27]through the host of watchers. They swirled about him like an eddy of dead leaves in the spring, and at the third stroke something was extended through them to the bed. You have heard of a beam of light. This was like a beam of darkness, and looking again at it, Plattner saw that it was a shadowy arm and hand.
Abruptly, the footsteps stopped. He waited for the next sound, but there was silence, and then suddenly, slicing through the unexpected stillness like a sharp blade, came the first toll of the bell. At that moment, the countless faces swayed back and forth, and a louder cry began all around him. The woman didn’t hear; she was burning something now in the candle flame. With the second toll, everything faded, and an icy breath of wind blew through the crowd of watchers. They swirled around him like a whirlwind of dead leaves in spring, and at the third toll, something extended through them to the bed. You’ve heard of a beam of light. This was like a beam of darkness, and looking closely, Plattner saw that it was a shadowy arm and hand.
The green sun was now topping the black desolations of the horizon, and the vision of the room was very faint. Plattner could see that the white of the bed struggled, and was convulsed; and that the woman looked round over her shoulder at it, startled.
The green sun was now rising above the dark desolation of the horizon, and the view of the room was very faint. Plattner could see that the white of the bed was twitching and shaking, and that the woman glanced over her shoulder at it, startled.
The cloud of watchers lifted high like a puff of green dust before the wind, and swept swiftly downward towards the temple in the gorge. Then suddenly Plattner understood the meaning of the shadowy black arm that stretched across his shoulder and clutched its prey. He did not dare turn his head to see the Shadow behind the arm. With a violent effort, and covering his eyes, he set himself to run, made, perhaps, twenty strides, then slipped on a boulder, and fell. He fell forward on his hands; and the bottle smashed and exploded as he touched the ground.
The cloud of onlookers lifted high like a puff of green dust in the wind and quickly swept down toward the temple in the gorge. Then suddenly, Plattner understood the meaning of the shadowy black arm that stretched across his shoulder and gripped him tightly. He didn't dare turn his head to see the Shadow behind the arm. With a desperate effort, and covering his eyes, he started to run, taking about twenty strides before slipping on a boulder and falling. He fell forward onto his hands, and the bottle shattered and exploded as he hit the ground.
In another moment he found himself, stunned and bleeding, sitting face to face with Lidgett in the old walled garden behind the school.
In the next moment, he found himself, shocked and bleeding, sitting face to face with Lidgett in the old walled garden behind the school.
There the story of Plattner’s experiences ends. I have resisted, I believe successfully, the natural disposition of a writer of fiction to dress up incidents of this sort. I have told the thing as far as possible in the order in which Plattner told it to me. I have carefully avoided any attempt at style, effect, or construction. It would have been easy, for instance, to have worked the scene of the death-bed into a kind[28] of plot in which Plattner might have been involved. But, quite apart from the objectionableness of falsifying a most extraordinary true story, any such trite devices would spoil, to my mind, the peculiar effect of this dark world, with its livid green illumination and its drifting Watchers of the Living, which, unseen and unapproachable to us, is yet lying all about us.
There the story of Plattner’s experiences ends. I have resisted, I think successfully, the natural tendency of a fiction writer to embellish incidents like these. I’ve presented the events as closely as possible in the order Plattner shared them with me. I’ve intentionally avoided any attempts at style, impact, or structure. It would have been easy, for example, to weave the scene of the deathbed into a kind of plot involving Plattner. But aside from the inappropriateness of distorting such an extraordinary true story, any clichéd devices would, in my opinion, ruin the unique effect of this dark world, with its eerie green light and its drifting Watchers of the Living, which, unseen and unreachable to us, is nevertheless all around us.
It remains to add, that a death did actually occur in Vincent Terrace, just beyond the school garden, and, so far as can be proved, at the moment of Plattner’s return. Deceased was a rate-collector and insurance agent. His widow, who was much younger than himself, married last month a Mr. Whymper, a veterinary surgeon of Allbeeding. As the portion of this story given here has in various forms circulated orally in Sussexville, she has consented to my use of her name, on condition that I make it distinctly known that she emphatically contradicts every detail of Plattner’s account of her husband’s last moments. She burnt no will, she says, although Plattner never accused her of doing so: her husband made but one will, and that just after their marriage. Certainly, from a man who had never seen it, Plattner’s account of the furniture of the room was curiously accurate.
It should be noted that a death really did occur in Vincent Terrace, just beyond the school garden, and, as far as can be established, at the moment of Plattner’s return. The deceased was a rate-collector and insurance agent. His widow, who was much younger than he was, married last month to Mr. Whymper, a veterinary surgeon from Allbeeding. Since this part of the story has circulated in various forms orally in Sussexville, she has allowed me to use her name, on the condition that I clearly state that she strongly contradicts every detail of Plattner’s account of her husband’s last moments. She didn’t burn any will, she says, even though Plattner never accused her of doing so: her husband made only one will, and that was just after their marriage. Certainly, for a man who had never seen it, Plattner’s description of the room's furniture was surprisingly accurate.
One other thing, even at the risk of an irksome repetition, I must insist upon, lest I seem to favour the credulous superstitious view. Plattner’s absence from the world for nine days is, I think, proved. But that does not prove his story. It is quite conceivable that even outside space hallucinations may be possible. That, at least, the reader must bear distinctly in mind.
One more thing, even if it sounds repetitive, I have to emphasize this so I don't come off as supporting the gullible, superstitious perspective. I believe Plattner's absence from the world for nine days is established. However, that doesn't validate his story. It's entirely possible that hallucinations could occur even outside of our known space. The reader needs to keep that clearly in mind.
THE ARGONAUTS OF THE AIR
One saw Monson’s Flying Machine from the windows of the trains passing either along the South-Western main line or along the line between Wimbledon and Worcester Park,—to be more exact, one saw the huge scaffoldings which limited the flight of the apparatus. They rose over the tree-tops, a massive alley of interlacing iron and timber, and an enormous web of ropes and tackle, extending the best part of two miles. From the Leatherhead branch this alley was foreshortened and in part hidden by a hill with villas; but from the main line one had it in profile, a complex tangle of girders and curving bars, very impressive to the excursionists from Portsmouth and Southampton and the West. Monson had taken up the work where Maxim had left it, had gone on at first with an utter contempt for the journalistic wit and ignorance that had irritated and hampered his predecessor, and had spent (it was said) rather more than half his immense fortune upon his experiments. The results, to an impatient generation, seemed inconsiderable. When some five years had passed after the growth of the colossal iron groves at Worcester Park, and Monson still failed to put in[30] a fluttering appearance over Trafalgar Square, even the Isle of Wight trippers felt their liberty to smile. And such intelligent people as did not consider Monson a fool stricken with the mania for invention, denounced him as being (for no particular reason) a self-advertising quack.
One could see Monson’s Flying Machine from the windows of trains passing along the South-Western main line or between Wimbledon and Worcester Park. To be more precise, one spotted the massive scaffolding that bordered the flight path of the machine. It towered above the trees, creating a large structure of intertwined iron and timber, with a vast network of ropes and equipment spanning nearly two miles. From the Leatherhead branch, this structure appeared shorter and was partially obscured by a hill with houses, but from the main line, it stood out in profile—a complicated mess of beams and curved rods, very striking to the tourists from Portsmouth, Southampton, and the West. Monson picked up where Maxim left off, initially pursuing his work with total disregard for the journalistic jokes and ignorance that had frustrated his predecessor, and reportedly spent over half of his vast fortune on his experiments. To a generation eager for results, the progress seemed minimal. Five years after the massive iron structures appeared at Worcester Park, and with Monson still unable to create a noticeable display over Trafalgar Square, even visitors to the Isle of Wight felt free to laugh. And those who didn’t view Monson as a fool overcome with a passion for invention labeled him, without any real reason, a self-promoting fraud.
Yet now and again a morning trainload of season-ticket holders would see a white monster rush headlong through the airy tracery of guides and bars, and hear the further stays, nettings, and buffers snap, creak, and groan with the impact of the blow. Then there would be an efflorescence of black-set white-rimmed faces along the sides of the train, and the morning papers would be neglected for a vigorous discussion of the possibility of flying (in which nothing new was ever said by any chance), until the train reached Waterloo, and its cargo of season-ticket holders dispersed themselves over London. Or the fathers and mothers in some multitudinous train of weary excursionists returning exhausted from a day of rest by the sea, would find the dark fabric, standing out against the evening sky, useful in diverting some bilious child from its introspection, and be suddenly startled by the swift transit of a huge black flapping shape that strained upward against the guides. It was a great and forcible thing beyond dispute, and excellent for conversation; yet, all the same, it was but flying in leading-strings, and most of those who witnessed it scarcely counted its flight as flying. More of a switchback it seemed to the run of the folk.
Yet now and then, a morning train full of season-ticket holders would see a white monster zoom past through the airy patterns of guides and bars, and hear the additional stays, nettings, and buffers snap, creak, and groan with the force of the impact. Then there would be a flurry of black-and-white faces along the sides of the train, and the morning papers would be forgotten in favor of a lively discussion about the possibility of flying (which, by the way, never offered any new insights), until the train arrived at Waterloo, and its load of season-ticket holders spread out across London. Or the parents in some crowded train of weary vacationers coming back tired from a day at the beach would find the dark shape, standing out against the evening sky, useful in distracting a cranky child from its thoughts, and would suddenly be startled by the quick movement of a huge black flapping shape that strained upward against the guides. It was undeniably a big and powerful sight, great for conversation; yet, it was still just flying with training wheels, and most of those who saw it barely considered its flight as real flying. To the crowd, it seemed more like a roller coaster.
Monson, I say, did not trouble himself very keenly [31]about the opinions of the press at first. But possibly he, even, had formed but a poor idea of the time it would take before the tactics of flying were mastered, the swift assured adjustment of the big soaring shape to every gust and chance movement of the air; nor had he clearly reckoned the money this prolonged struggle against gravitation would cost him. And he was not so pachydermatous as he seemed. Secretly he had his periodical bundles of cuttings sent him by Romeike, he had his periodical reminders from his banker; and if he did not mind the initial ridicule and scepticism, he felt the growing neglect as the months went by and the money dribbled away. Time was when Monson had sent the enterprising journalist, keen after readable matter, empty from his gates. But when the enterprising journalist ceased from troubling, Monson was anything but satisfied in his heart of hearts. Still day by day the work went on, and the multitudinous subtle difficulties of the steering diminished in number. Day by day, too, the money trickled away, until his balance was no longer a matter of hundreds of thousands, but of tens. And at last came an anniversary.
Monson, I say, didn’t really care about what the press thought at first. But maybe he hadn’t realized how long it would actually take to master the techniques of flying, or how quickly he would need to adjust the large soaring shape to every gust and shift in the air; he also hadn’t properly considered the cost of this ongoing battle against gravity. And he wasn’t as tough as he appeared. Deep down, he had his regular bundles of clippings sent to him by Romeike, and he received periodic reminders from his banker. While he didn’t mind the initial mockery and doubt, he felt the increasing neglect as the months passed and the money dwindled. There was a time when Monson had sent the ambitious journalist, eager for interesting stories, away empty-handed. But when the ambitious journalist stopped paying attention, Monson felt far from content in his heart. Still, day after day, the work continued, and the countless subtle challenges of steering decreased in number. Each day, though, the money continued to trickle away, until his balance was no longer in the hundreds of thousands but in the tens. And finally, an anniversary arrived.
Monson, sitting in the little drawing-shed, suddenly noticed the date on Woodhouse’s calendar.
Monson, sitting in the small drawing shed, suddenly saw the date on Woodhouse’s calendar.
“It was five years ago to-day that we began,” he said to Woodhouse suddenly.
“It was five years ago today that we started,” he said to Woodhouse suddenly.
“Is it?” said Woodhouse.
"Is it?" said Woodhouse.
“It’s the alterations play the devil with us,” said Monson, biting a paper-fastener.
“It’s the changes that mess with us,” said Monson, biting a paper clip.
The drawings for the new vans to the hinder screw lay on the table before him as he spoke. He pitched the mutilated brass paper-fastener into the[32] waste-paper basket and drummed with his fingers. “These alterations! Will the mathematicians ever be clever enough to save us all this patching and experimenting? Five years—learning by rule of thumb, when one might think that it was possible to calculate the whole thing out beforehand. The cost of it! I might have hired three senior wranglers for life. But they’d only have developed some beautifully useless theorems in pneumatics. What a time it has been, Woodhouse!”
The designs for the new vans lay on the table in front of him as he spoke. He threw the broken brass paper clip into the [32] wastebasket and tapped his fingers. “These changes! Will the mathematicians ever be smart enough to save us all this fixing and testing? Five years—learning by trial and error, when you’d think it would be possible to figure everything out in advance. The cost of it! I could have hired three top graduates for life. But they’d just end up creating some beautifully useless theories in pneumatics. What a time it has been, Woodhouse!”
“These mouldings will take three weeks,” said Woodhouse. “At special prices.”
“These moldings will take three weeks,” Woodhouse said. “At special prices.”
“Three weeks!” said Monson, and sat drumming.
“Three weeks!” Monson said, tapping his fingers.
“Three weeks certain,” said Woodhouse, an excellent engineer, but no good as a comforter. He drew the sheets towards him and began shading a bar.
“Three weeks, for sure,” said Woodhouse, a great engineer, but not much of a comforter. He pulled the sheets closer and started shading a bar.
Monson stopped drumming, and began to bite his finger-nails, staring the while at Woodhouse’s head.
Monson stopped drumming and started biting his nails, while staring at Woodhouse’s head.
“How long have they been calling this Monson’s Folly?” he said suddenly.
“How long have they been calling this Monson’s Folly?” he asked suddenly.
“Oh! Year or so,” said Woodhouse carelessly, without looking up.
“Oh! A year or so,” said Woodhouse nonchalantly, without looking up.
Monson sucked the air in between his teeth, and went to the window. The stout iron columns carrying the elevated rails upon which the start of the machine was made rose up close by, and the machine was hidden by the upper edge of the window. Through the grove of iron pillars, red painted and ornate with rows of bolts, one had a glimpse of the pretty scenery towards Esher. A train went gliding noiselessly across the middle distance, its rattle[33] drowned by the hammering of the workmen overhead. Monson could imagine the grinning faces at the windows of the carriages. He swore savagely under his breath, and dabbed viciously at a blowfly that suddenly became noisy on the window-pane.
Monson sucked in air through his teeth and walked over to the window. The thick iron columns supporting the elevated tracks where the machine started rose up nearby, and the machine was blocked from view by the top edge of the window. Through the grove of red-painted iron pillars, decorated with rows of bolts, you could catch a glimpse of the beautiful scenery toward Esher. A train passed silently in the distance, its clattering drowned out by the hammering of the workers above. Monson could picture the grinning faces at the windows of the carriages. He cursed under his breath and aggressively swatted at a blowfly that suddenly became loud on the windowpane.
“What’s up?” said Woodhouse, staring in surprise at his employer.
“What’s up?” Woodhouse asked, looking at his employer in surprise.
“I’m about sick of this.”
"I'm over this."
Woodhouse scratched his cheek. “Oh!” he said, after an assimilating pause. He pushed the drawing away from him.
Woodhouse scratched his cheek. “Oh!” he said, after a thoughtful pause. He pushed the drawing away from him.
“Here these fools ... I’m trying to conquer a new element—trying to do a thing that will revolutionise life. And instead of taking an intelligent interest, they grin and make their stupid jokes, and call me and my appliances names.”
“Here these fools ... I’m trying to conquer a new element—trying to do something that will revolutionize life. And instead of showing any real interest, they just laugh and make their dumb jokes, calling me and my machines names.”
“Asses!” said Woodhouse, letting his eye fall again on the drawing.
“Donkeys!” said Woodhouse, looking again at the drawing.
The epithet, curiously enough, made Monson wince. “I’m about sick of it, Woodhouse, anyhow,” he said, after a pause.
The nickname, oddly enough, made Monson flinch. "I’m pretty fed up with it, Woodhouse, anyway," he said, after a pause.
Woodhouse shrugged his shoulders.
Woodhouse shrugged.
“There’s nothing for it but patience, I suppose,” said Monson, sticking his hands in his pockets. “I’ve started. I’ve made my bed, and I’ve got to lie on it. I can’t go back. I’ll see it through, and spend every penny I have and every penny I can borrow. But I tell you, Woodhouse, I’m infernally sick of it, all the same. If I’d paid a tenth part of the money towards some political greaser’s expenses—I’d have been a baronet before this.”
“Guess there’s no choice but to be patient,” Monson said, shoving his hands in his pockets. “I’ve started this. I’ve made my bed, and now I have to lie in it. I can’t turn back. I’ll see it through, spending every penny I have and every penny I can borrow. But let me tell you, Woodhouse, I’m really fed up with it, just the same. If I’d paid even a fraction of that money to some political hack’s expenses, I’d be a baronet by now.”
Monson paused. Woodhouse stared in front of him with a blank expression he always employed[34] to indicate sympathy, and tapped his pencil-case on the table. Monson stared at him for a minute.
Monson paused. Woodhouse stared ahead with his usual blank expression that signaled sympathy, and tapped his pencil case on the table. Monson looked at him for a minute.
“Oh, damn!” said Monson suddenly, and abruptly rushed out of the room.
“Oh, damn!” Monson exclaimed suddenly, and quickly rushed out of the room.
Woodhouse continued his sympathetic rigour for perhaps half a minute. Then he sighed and resumed the shading of the drawings. Something had evidently upset Monson. Nice chap, and generous, but difficult to get on with. It was the way with every amateur who had anything to do with engineering—wanted everything finished at once. But Monson had usually the patience of the expert. Odd he was so irritable. Nice and round that aluminium rod did look now! Woodhouse threw back his head, and put it, first this side and then that, to appreciate his bit of shading better.
Woodhouse kept up his empathetic focus for maybe half a minute. Then he sighed and went back to shading the drawings. Something had clearly bothered Monson. He was a nice guy and generous, but hard to work with. That was typical of every amateur involved in engineering—everyone wanted everything done immediately. But Monson usually had the patience of an expert. It was strange that he was so irritable. That aluminum rod looked really nice and round now! Woodhouse tilted his head back, shifting it from side to side to better appreciate his shading.
“Mr. Woodhouse,” said Hooper, the foreman of the labourers, putting his head in at the door.
“Mr. Woodhouse,” said Hooper, the foreman of the laborers, poking his head in through the door.
“Hullo!” said Woodhouse, without turning round.
“Hello!” said Woodhouse, without turning around.
“Nothing happened, sir?” said Hooper.
“Nothing happened, sir?” Hooper asked.
“Happened?” said Woodhouse.
"What happened?" said Woodhouse.
“The governor just been up the rails swearing like a tornader.”
“The governor has just been going off on the train tracks, swearing like a tornado.”
“Oh!” said Woodhouse.
“Wow!” said Woodhouse.
“It ain’t like him, sir.”
"That's not like him, sir."
“No?”
"Nope?"
“And I was thinking perhaps”—
"And I was thinking maybe"
“Don’t think,” said Woodhouse, still admiring the drawings.
“Don’t think,” said Woodhouse, still admiring the drawings.
Hooper knew Woodhouse, and he shut the door suddenly with a vicious slam. Woodhouse stared stonily before him for some further minutes, and[35] then made an ineffectual effort to pick his teeth with his pencil. Abruptly he desisted, pitched that old, tried, and stumpy servitor across the room, got up, stretched himself, and followed Hooper.
Hooper knew Woodhouse, and he suddenly slammed the door shut with a harsh bang. Woodhouse stared blankly ahead for a few more minutes, and[35] then made a half-hearted attempt to clean his teeth with his pencil. Suddenly, he gave up, threw that old, worn-out pencil across the room, got up, stretched, and followed Hooper.
He looked ruffled—it was visible to every workman he met. When a millionaire who has been spending thousands on experiments that employ quite a little army of people suddenly indicates that he is sick of the undertaking, there is almost invariably a certain amount of mental friction in the ranks of the little army he employs. And even before he indicates his intentions there are speculations and murmurs, a watching of faces and a study of straws. Hundreds of people knew before the day was out that Monson was ruffled, Woodhouse ruffled, Hooper ruffled. A workman’s wife, for instance (whom Monson had never seen), decided to keep her money in the savings-bank instead of buying a velveteen dress. So far-reaching are even the casual curses of a millionaire.
He looked unsettled—it was obvious to every worker he encountered. When a millionaire who has spent thousands on projects employing a small army of people suddenly shows that he's fed up with the whole thing, there's usually some mental tension among the people he hires. Even before he expresses his feelings, there are speculations and whispers, people watching each other's reactions and reading between the lines. Hundreds of people knew by the end of the day that Monson was upset, Woodhouse was upset, Hooper was upset. A worker's wife, for example (whom Monson had never met), decided to keep her money in the savings account instead of buying a velveteen dress. Such is the far-reaching impact of even the careless words of a millionaire.
Monson found a certain satisfaction in going on the works and behaving disagreeably to as many people as possible. After a time even that palled upon him, and he rode off the grounds, to every one’s relief there, and through the lanes south-eastward, to the infinite tribulation of his house steward at Cheam.
Monson felt a sense of satisfaction in going to the worksite and acting unpleasantly towards as many people as he could. Eventually, even that got boring for him, so he left the grounds, much to everyone's relief, and rode off through the lanes to the southeast, causing endless frustration for his house steward at Cheam.
And the immediate cause of it all, the little grain of annoyance that had suddenly precipitated all this discontent with his life-work was—these trivial things that direct all our great decisions!—half a dozen ill-considered remarks made by a pretty girl, prettily dressed, with a beautiful voice and something[36] more than prettiness in her soft grey eyes. And of these half-dozen remarks, two words especially—“Monson’s Folly.” She had felt she was behaving charmingly to Monson; she reflected the next day how exceptionally effective she had been, and no one would have been more amazed than she, had she learned the effect she had left on Monson’s mind. I hope, considering everything, that she never knew.
And the immediate reason for it all, the small annoyance that suddenly triggered all this discontent with his life's work was—these little things that influence all our big decisions!—a handful of careless comments made by a pretty girl, well-dressed, with a beautiful voice and something[36] more than just looks in her soft gray eyes. Of those comments, two words in particular—“Monson’s Folly.” She thought she was being charming to Monson; the next day, she reflected on how effectively she had performed, and no one would have been more surprised than she if she had learned the impact she had made on Monson’s mind. I hope, given everything, that she never found out.
“How are you getting on with your flying-machine?” she asked. (“I wonder if I shall ever meet any one with the sense not to ask that,” thought Monson.) “It will be very dangerous at first, will it not?” (“Thinks I’m afraid.”) “Jorgon is going to play presently; have you heard him before?” (“My mania being attended to, we turn to rational conversation.”) Gush about Jorgon; gradual decline of conversation, ending with—“You must let me know when your flying-machine is finished, Mr. Monson, and then I will consider the advisability of taking a ticket.” (“One would think I was still playing inventions in the nursery.”) But the bitterest thing she said was not meant for Monson’s ears. To Phlox, the novelist, she was always conscientiously brilliant. “I have been talking to Mr. Monson, and he can think of nothing, positively nothing, but that flying-machine of his. Do you know, all his workmen call that place of his ‘Monson’s Folly’? He is quite impossible. It is really very, very sad. I always regard him myself in the light of sunken treasure—the Lost Millionaire, you know.”
“How are you doing with your flying machine?” she asked. (“I wonder if I’ll ever meet anyone who has the sense not to ask that,” thought Monson.) “It’s going to be really dangerous at first, right?” (“She thinks I’m scared.”) “Jorgon is going to play soon; have you heard him before?” (“Now that my obsession is being addressed, let’s have a real conversation.”) She gushed about Jorgon; the conversation gradually faded, ending with—“You have to let me know when your flying machine is finished, Mr. Monson, and then I’ll think about whether I want to get a ticket.” (“One would think I was still inventing things in the nursery.”) But the meanest thing she said wasn’t meant for Monson to hear. To Phlox, the novelist, she was always trying to be impressively clever. “I’ve been talking to Mr. Monson, and he can think of nothing, absolutely nothing, but that flying machine of his. Did you know all his workers call that place of his ‘Monson’s Folly’? He’s totally impossible. It’s really very, very sad. I always see him as if he’s a treasure that’s sunk—like the Lost Millionaire, you know.”
She was pretty and well educated,—indeed, she had written an epigrammatic novelette; but the[37] bitterness was that she was typical. She summarised what the world thought of the man who was working sanely, steadily, and surely towards a more tremendous revolution in the appliances of civilisation, a more far-reaching alteration in the ways of humanity than has ever been effected since history began. They did not even take him seriously. In a little while he would be proverbial. “I must fly now,” he said on his way home, smarting with a sense of absolute social failure. “I must fly soon. If it doesn’t come off soon, by God! I shall run amuck.”
She was attractive and well-educated—she had even written a clever little novel—but the disappointment was that she was just like everyone else. She represented what the world thought of the man who was working rationally, consistently, and confidently toward a groundbreaking change in the tools of civilization, a more profound shift in human behavior than has ever happened since history began. They didn’t even take him seriously. Before long, he would be a figure of speech. “I have to get away now,” he said on his way home, feeling the sting of total social failure. “I need to escape soon. If nothing happens soon, by God! I’ll lose it.”
He said that before he had gone through his pass-book and his litter of papers. Inadequate as the cause seems, it was that girl’s voice and the expression of her eyes that precipitated his discontent. But certainly the discovery that he had no longer even one hundred thousand pounds’ worth of realisable property behind him was the poison that made the wound deadly.
He mentioned that before he went through his bank statements and all his papers. As insufficient as the reason might seem, it was that girl’s voice and the look in her eyes that triggered his unhappiness. But the realization that he no longer had even a hundred thousand pounds' worth of assets to fall back on was definitely the poison that made the wound fatal.
It was the next day after this that he exploded upon Woodhouse and his workmen, and thereafter his bearing was consistently grim for three weeks, and anxiety dwelt in Cheam and Ewell, Malden, Morden, and Worcester Park, places that had thriven mightily on his experiments.
It was the day after this that he blew up at Woodhouse and his workers, and from then on his demeanor was seriously grim for three weeks. Anxiety settled in Cheam and Ewell, Malden, Morden, and Worcester Park, areas that had really prospered thanks to his experiments.
Four weeks after that first swearing of his, he stood with Woodhouse by the reconstructed machine as it lay across the elevated railway, by means of which it gained its initial impetus. The new propeller glittered a brighter white than the rest of the machine, and a gilder, obedient to a whim of Monson’s, was picking out the aluminium bars with[38] gold. And looking down the long avenue between the ropes (gilded now with the sunset), one saw red signals, and two miles away an ant-hill of workmen busy altering the last falls of the run into a rising slope.
Four weeks after his first swearing in, he stood with Woodhouse next to the reconstructed machine as it lay across the elevated railway, which gave it its initial boost. The new propeller sparkled a brighter white than the rest of the machine, and a gilded worker, acting on one of Monson's whims, was highlighting the aluminum bars with[38] gold. Looking down the long path between the ropes (now glowing with the sunset), you could see red signals and, two miles away, a swarm of workers busy changing the last drops of the run into a rising slope.
“I’ll come,” said Woodhouse. “I’ll come right enough. But I tell you it’s infernally foolhardy. If only you would give another year”—
“I’ll come,” said Woodhouse. “I’ll definitely come. But I’m telling you it’s extremely reckless. If only you would wait another year—”
“I tell you I won’t. I tell you the thing works. I’ve given years enough”—
“I’m telling you, I won’t. I’m telling you, it works. I’ve given it enough years—”
“It’s not that,” said Woodhouse. “We’re all right with the machine. But it’s the steering”—
“It’s not that,” said Woodhouse. “We’re all good with the machine. But it’s the steering”—
“Haven’t I been rushing, night and morning, backwards and forwards, through this squirrel’s cage? If the thing steers true here, it will steer true all across England. It’s just funk, I tell you, Woodhouse. We could have gone a year ago. And besides”—
“Haven’t I been hurrying, day and night, back and forth through this crazy maze? If it works well here, it’ll work well all over England. It’s just nerves, I tell you, Woodhouse. We could have left a year ago. And besides—”
“Well?” said Woodhouse.
"Well?" Woodhouse said.
“The money!” snapped Monson over his shoulder.
“The money!” Monson snapped, glancing back.
“Hang it! I never thought of the money,” said Woodhouse, and then, speaking now in a very different tone to that with which he had said the words before, he repeated, “I’ll come. Trust me.”
“Dang it! I never thought about the money,” said Woodhouse, and then, speaking in a much different tone than before, he added, “I’ll come. Trust me.”
Monson turned suddenly, and saw all that Woodhouse had not the dexterity to say, shining on his sunset-lit face. He looked for a moment, then impulsively extended his hand. “Thanks,” he said.
Monson turned quickly and saw everything that Woodhouse hadn’t been able to express, reflected on his face glowing in the sunset. He looked for a moment, then impulsively reached out his hand. “Thanks,” he said.
“All right,” said Woodhouse, gripping the hand, and with a queer softening of his features. “Trust me.”
“All right,” said Woodhouse, gripping the hand, his expression softening in a strange way. “Trust me.”
Then both men turned to the big apparatus that lay with its flat wings extended upon the carrier,[39] and stared at it meditatively. Monson, guided perhaps by a photographic study of the flight of birds, and by Lilienthal’s methods, had gradually drifted from Maxim’s shapes towards the bird form again. The thing, however, was driven by a huge screw behind in the place of the tail; and so hovering, which needs an almost vertical adjustment of a flat tail, was rendered impossible. The body of the machine was small, almost cylindrical, and pointed. Forward and aft on the pointed ends were two small petroleum engines for the screw, and the navigators sat deep in a canoe-like recess, the foremost one steering, and being protected by a low screen, with two plate-glass windows, from the blinding rush of air. On either side a monstrous flat framework with a curved front border could be adjusted so as either to lie horizontally, or to be tilted upward or down. These wings worked rigidly together, or, by releasing a pin, one could be tilted through a small angle independently of its fellow. The front edge of either wing could also be shifted back so as to diminish the wing-area about one-sixth. The machine was not only not designed to hover, but it was also incapable of fluttering. Monson’s idea was to get into the air with the initial rush of the apparatus, and then to skim, much as a playing-card may be skimmed, keeping up the rush by means of the screw at the stern. Rooks and gulls fly enormous distances in that way with scarcely a perceptible movement of the wings. The bird really drives along on an aërial switchback. It glides slanting downward for a space, until it has gained considerable momentum, and then altering the inclination[40] of its wings, glides up again almost to its original altitude. Even a Londoner who has watched the birds in the aviary in Regent’s Park knows that.
Then both men looked at the large device that lay flat on the carrier, its wings spread out, and contemplated it thoughtfully. Monson, perhaps influenced by a photographic study of bird flights and by Lilienthal’s techniques, had moved away from Maxim’s designs and returned to a bird-like form. However, the machine was powered by a massive screw at the back instead of a tail, making it impossible to hover, which requires a nearly vertical tail adjustment. The main body of the machine was small, almost cylindrical, and tapered at both ends. On the pointed ends were two small petroleum engines that powered the screw, and the pilots sat deep in a canoe-like indentation, with the front one steering while being shielded by a low screen that had two plate-glass windows to protect them from the fierce rush of air. On each side, there was a huge flat frame with a curved front edge that could be adjusted to lie flat or be tilted up or down. The wings worked rigidly together, but by releasing a pin, one could tilt one wing slightly independent of the other. The front edge of each wing could also be moved back to reduce the wing area by about one-sixth. The machine wasn’t just not meant for hovering; it also couldn’t flutter. Monson’s plan was to launch into the air with an initial burst from the device and then glide, similar to how one might skim a playing card, maintaining momentum with the rear screw. Rooks and gulls can fly long distances this way with hardly a visible movement of their wings. Birds really ride an aerial roller coaster. They glide downward for a bit to build up speed and then adjust the angle of their wings to glide back up nearly to their original height. Even someone from London who has watched birds in the aviary at Regent’s Park knows that.
But the bird is practising this art from the moment it leaves its nest. It has not only the perfect apparatus, but the perfect instinct to use it. A man off his feet has the poorest skill in balancing. Even the simple trick of the bicycle costs him some hours of labour. The instantaneous adjustments of the wings, the quick response to a passing breeze, the swift recovery of equilibrium, the giddy, eddying movements that require such absolute precision—all that he must learn, learn with infinite labour and infinite danger, if ever he is to conquer flying. The flying-machine that will start off some fine day, driven by neat “little levers,” with a nice open deck like a liner, and all loaded up with bombshells and guns, is the easy dreaming of a literary man. In lives and in treasure the cost of the conquest of the empire of the air may even exceed all that has been spent in man’s great conquest of the sea. Certainly it will be costlier than the greatest war that has ever devastated the world.
But the bird starts practicing this skill as soon as it leaves its nest. It not only has the perfect tools but also the instinct to use them correctly. A person who’s not on their feet struggles the most with balance. Even learning to ride a bike takes them hours of effort. The bird's quick adjustments of its wings, the immediate reaction to a passing breeze, the rapid return to balance, and the dizzying, swirling movements that need such precise control—all of that is something a person must learn, working extremely hard and facing numerous risks, if they ever want to master flying. The flying machine that will eventually take off, operated by neat “little levers,” with a nice open deck like a cruise ship, and loaded with bombs and guns, is just a fanciful idea of a writer. The cost in lives and resources to conquer the skies might even surpass what has been spent in humanity's major conquest of the seas. It will definitely be more expensive than the greatest war that has ever ravaged the world.
No one knew these things better than these two practical men. And they knew they were in the front rank of the coming army. Yet there is hope even in a forlorn hope. Men are killed outright in the reserves sometimes, while others who have been left for dead in the thickest corner crawl out and survive.
No one understood these things better than these two practical guys. And they knew they were at the front of the upcoming army. Still, there’s hope even in a losing situation. Sometimes, men get killed outright in the reserves, while others who were thought to be dead in the most dangerous spots manage to crawl out and survive.
“If we miss these meadows”—said Woodhouse presently in his slow way.
“If we miss these meadows,” Woodhouse said slowly.
“My dear chap,” said Monson, whose spirits had[41] been rising fitfully during the last few days, “we mustn’t miss these meadows. There’s a quarter of a square mile for us to hit, fences removed, ditches levelled. We shall come down all right—rest assured. And if we don’t”—
"My dear friend," said Monson, whose mood had[41] been improving inconsistently over the past few days, "we can't miss these meadows. There's a quarter of a square mile for us to explore, with fences taken down and ditches filled in. We'll be fine—don't worry. And if we aren't—"
“Ah!” said Woodhouse. “If we don’t!”
“Ah!” said Woodhouse. “What if we don’t!”
Before the day of the start, the newspaper people got wind of the alterations at the northward end of the framework, and Monson was cheered by a decided change in the comments Romeike forwarded him. “He will be off some day,” said the papers. “He will be off some day,” said the South-Western season-ticket holders one to another; the seaside excursionists, the Saturday-to-Monday trippers from Sussex and Hampshire and Dorset and Devon, the eminent literary people from Hazlemere, all remarked eagerly one to another, “He will be off some day,” as the familiar scaffolding came in sight. And actually, one bright morning, in full view of the ten-past-ten train from Basingstoke, Monson’s flying-machine started on its journey.
Before the day of the launch, the newspaper folks caught wind of the changes at the north end of the structure, and Monson was encouraged by a clear shift in the comments Romeike sent him. “He’ll be off any day now,” said the papers. “He’ll be off any day now,” the South-Western season ticket holders murmured to each other; the seaside vacationers, the Saturday-to-Monday travelers from Sussex, Hampshire, Dorset, and Devon, the notable writers from Hazlemere, all eagerly exchanged the words, “He’ll be off any day now,” as the familiar scaffolding came into view. And sure enough, one bright morning, right in front of the 10:10 train from Basingstoke, Monson’s flying machine took off on its journey.
They saw the carrier running swiftly along its rail, and the white and gold screw spinning in the air. They heard the rapid rumble of wheels, and a thud as the carrier reached the buffers at the end of its run. Then a whirr as the Flying-Machine was shot forward into the networks. All that the majority of them had seen and heard before. The thing went with a drooping flight through the framework and rose again, and then every beholder shouted, or screamed, or yelled, or shrieked after his kind. For instead of the customary concussion and stoppage, the Flying Machine flew out of its five[42] years’ cage like a bolt from a crossbow, and drove slantingly upward into the air, curved round a little, so as to cross the line, and soared in the direction of Wimbledon Common.
They saw the carrier moving quickly along its track, and the white and gold screw spinning in the air. They heard the rapid rumble of wheels and a thud when the carrier hit the buffers at the end of its run. Then came a whirr as the Flying Machine was launched forward into the networks. Most of them had seen and heard this before. The machine took a drooping flight through the framework and then rose again, causing everyone watching to shout, scream, yell, or shriek in excitement. Instead of the usual thud and halt, the Flying Machine shot out of its five[42] years’ cage like a bolt from a crossbow, angled upward into the sky, curved slightly, crossed the line, and soared toward Wimbledon Common.
It seemed to hang momentarily in the air and grow smaller, then it ducked and vanished over the clustering blue tree-tops to the east of Coombe Hill, and no one stopped staring and gasping until long after it had disappeared.
It seemed to hang in the air for a moment and get smaller, then it dipped and disappeared over the cluster of blue treetops to the east of Coombe Hill, and no one stopped staring and gasping until long after it was gone.
That was what the people in the train from Basingstoke saw. If you had drawn a line down the middle of that train, from engine to guard’s van, you would not have found a living soul on the opposite side to the flying-machine. It was a mad rush from window to window as the thing crossed the line. And the engine-driver and stoker never took their eyes off the low hills about Wimbledon, and never noticed that they had run clean through Coombe and Maiden and Raynes Park, until, with returning animation, they found themselves pelting, at the most indecent pace, into Wimbledon station.
That was what the people on the train from Basingstoke saw. If you had drawn a line down the middle of that train, from the engine to the guard’s van, you wouldn’t have found a single person on the side opposite the flying machine. There was a frantic rush from window to window as it crossed the line. Meanwhile, the engineer and the stoker never took their eyes off the low hills around Wimbledon and didn’t even realize they had completely passed through Coombe, Maiden, and Raynes Park until, suddenly alert, they found themselves speeding at an outrageous pace into Wimbledon station.
From the moment when Monson had started the carrier with a “Now!” neither he nor Woodhouse said a word. Both men sat with clenched teeth. Monson had crossed the line with a curve that was too sharp, and Woodhouse had opened and shut his white lips; but neither spoke. Woodhouse simply gripped his seat, and breathed sharply through his teeth, watching the blue country to the west rushing past, and down, and away from him. Monson knelt at his post forward, and his hands trembled on the spoked wheel that moved the wings. He[43] could see nothing before him but a mass of white clouds in the sky.
From the moment Monson started the carrier with a “Now!,” neither he nor Woodhouse said a word. Both men sat with clenched jaws. Monson had taken a turn that was too sharp, and Woodhouse had opened and closed his pale lips; but neither spoke. Woodhouse simply gripped his seat and breathed sharply through his teeth, watching the blue countryside to the west rushing by, and down, and away from him. Monson knelt at his post up front, and his hands trembled on the spoked wheel that controlled the wings. He[43] could see nothing in front of him but a mass of white clouds in the sky.
The machine went slanting upward, travelling with an enormous speed still, but losing momentum every moment. The land ran away underneath with diminishing speed.
The machine angled upward, moving at an incredible speed, but losing momentum with each passing moment. The ground sped away beneath it, slowing down.
“Now!” said Woodhouse at last, and with a violent effort Monson wrenched over the wheel and altered the angle of the wings. The machine seemed to hang for half a minute motionless in mid-air, and then he saw the hazy blue house-covered hills of Kilburn and Hampstead jump up before his eyes and rise steadily, until the little sunlit dome of the Albert Hall appeared through his windows. For a moment he scarcely understood the meaning of this upward rush of the horizon, but as the nearer and nearer houses came into view, he realised what he had done. He had turned the wings over too far, and they were swooping steeply downward towards the Thames.
“Now!” said Woodhouse at last, and with a strong effort, Monson yanked the wheel and changed the angle of the wings. The machine seemed to hang motionless in mid-air for half a minute, and then he saw the hazy blue, house-covered hills of Kilburn and Hampstead jump up before him and rise steadily, until the little sunlit dome of the Albert Hall appeared through his windows. For a moment, he hardly understood what this upward rush of the horizon meant, but as the closer and closer houses came into view, he realized what he had done. He had tilted the wings too far, and they were diving steeply down toward the Thames.
The thought, the question, the realisation were all the business of a second of time. “Too much!” gasped Woodhouse. Monson brought the wheel half-way back with a jerk, and forthwith the Kilburn and Hampstead ridge dropped again to the lower edge of his windows. They had been a thousand feet above Coombe and Maiden station; fifty seconds after they whizzed, at a frightful pace, not eighty feet above the East Putney station, on the Metropolitan District line, to the screaming astonishment of a platformful of people. Monson flung up the vans against the air, and over Fulham they rushed up their atmospheric switchback again, steeply—too[44] steeply. The ’buses went floundering across the Fulham Road, the people yelled.
The thought, the question, the realization all happened in a split second. “Too much!” gasped Woodhouse. Monson yanked the wheel halfway back, and immediately the Kilburn and Hampstead ridge dropped back down to the lower edge of his windows. They had been a thousand feet above Coombe and Maiden station; fifty seconds later, they zoomed by at an incredible speed, not more than eighty feet above the East Putney station on the Metropolitan District line, to the shocked astonishment of a crowd on the platform. Monson lifted the vans against the air, and over Fulham they soared up their atmospheric rollercoaster again, steeply—too[44] steeply. The buses struggled across the Fulham Road, and the people screamed.
Then down again, too steeply still, and the distant trees and houses about Primrose Hill leapt up across Monson’s window, and then suddenly he saw straight before him the greenery of Kensington Gardens and the towers of the Imperial Institute. They were driving straight down upon South Kensington. The pinnacles of the Natural History Museum rushed up into view. There came one fatal second of swift thought, a moment of hesitation. Should he try and clear the towers, or swerve eastward?
Then down again, still too steep, and the distant trees and houses around Primrose Hill jumped into view outside Monson’s window. Suddenly, he saw right in front of him the greenery of Kensington Gardens and the towers of the Imperial Institute. They were driving straight toward South Kensington. The spires of the Natural History Museum came into view. There was one crucial second of quick thought, a moment of doubt. Should he try to go over the towers, or swerve to the east?
He made a hesitating attempt to release the right wing, left the catch half released, and gave a frantic clutch at the wheel.
He hesitated as he tried to release the right wing, left the catch half undone, and quickly grabbed the wheel in a panic.
The nose of the machine seemed to leap up before him. The wheel pressed his hand with irresistible force, and jerked itself out of his control.
The front of the machine seemed to jump up in front of him. The wheel gripped his hand with unyielding force and yanked itself out of his control.
Woodhouse, sitting crouched together, gave a hoarse cry, and sprang up towards Monson. “Too far!” he cried, and then he was clinging to the gunwale for dear life, and Monson had been jerked clean overhead, and was falling backwards upon him.
Woodhouse, huddled together, let out a rough shout and jumped up toward Monson. “Too far!” he yelled, and then he was gripping the side of the boat for dear life, while Monson was yanked completely over his head and was falling backward onto him.
So swiftly had the thing happened that barely a quarter of the people going to and fro in Hyde Park, and Brompton Road, and the Exhibition Road saw anything of the aërial catastrophe. A distant winged shape had appeared above the clustering houses to the south, had fallen and risen, growing larger as it did so; had swooped swiftly down towards the Imperial Institute, a broad spread of flying wings, had swept round in a quarter circle, dashed eastward, and then[45] suddenly sprang vertically into the air. A black object shot out of it, and came spinning downward. A man! Two men clutching each other! They came whirling down, separated as they struck the roof of the Students’ Club, and bounded off into the green bushes on its southward side.
So quickly had it happened that barely a quarter of the people moving around in Hyde Park, Brompton Road, and Exhibition Road saw anything of the aerial disaster. A distant winged shape appeared above the cluster of houses to the south, had fallen and risen, growing larger as it did so; it swooped down towards the Imperial Institute, a broad spread of flying wings, swept around in a quarter circle, dashed eastward, and then[45] suddenly shot straight up into the air. A black object shot out of it and came spinning down. A man! Two men clinging to each other! They whirled down, separated as they hit the roof of the Students’ Club, and bounced off into the green bushes on its south side.
For perhaps half a minute, the pointed stem of the big machine still pierced vertically upward, the screw spinning desperately. For one brief instant, that yet seemed an age to all who watched, it had hung motionless in mid-air. Then a spout of yellow flame licked up its length from the stern engine, and swift, swifter, swifter, and flaring like a rocket, it rushed down upon the solid mass of masonry which was formerly the Royal College of Science. The big screw of white and gold touched the parapet, and crumpled up like wet linen. Then the blazing spindle-shaped body smashed and splintered, smashing and splintering in its fall, upon the north-westward angle of the building.
For about half a minute, the pointed tip of the big machine kept sticking straight up, the screw spinning frantically. For one brief moment, which felt like an eternity to everyone watching, it hung motionless in the air. Then, a burst of yellow flame shot up from the stern engine, and it quickly, faster, and faster, flashing like a rocket, dove down toward the solid structure that used to be the Royal College of Science. The large screw, colored white and gold, hit the parapet and crumpled like wet cloth. Then the blazing, spindle-shaped body shattered and splintered, breaking apart in its fall, onto the north-west corner of the building.
But the crash, the flame of blazing paraffin that shot heavenward from the shattered engines of the machine, the crushed horrors that were found in the garden beyond the Students’ Club, the masses of yellow parapet and red brick that fell headlong into the roadway, the running to and fro of people like ants in a broken ant-hill, the galloping of fire-engines, the gathering of crowds—all these things do not belong to this story, which was written only to tell how the first of all successful flying-machines was launched and flew. Though he failed, and failed disastrously, the record of Monson’s work remains—a sufficient monument—to guide the next of that band of[46] gallant experimentalists who will sooner or later master this great problem of flying. And between Worcester Park and Malden there still stands that portentous avenue of iron-work, rusting now, and dangerous here and there, to witness to the first desperate struggle for man’s right of way through the air.
But the crash, the fireball of blazing paraffin that shot up from the broken engines of the machine, the horrific wreckage found in the garden past the Students’ Club, the chunks of yellow parapet and red brick that fell straight into the street, the crowd of people running around like ants in a broken ant hill, the speeding fire trucks, the gathering crowds—all of these things aren’t part of this story, which was written just to tell how the first successful flying machine was launched and flew. Even though he failed—and failed badly—the record of Monson’s work remains a strong reminder to guide the next group of[46] brave experimentalists who will, sooner or later, figure out this great challenge of flying. And between Worcester Park and Malden, that impressive avenue of ironwork still stands, now rusting and dangerous in spots, as a testament to the first desperate fight for humanity's right to navigate the skies.
THE STORY OF THE LATE MR. ELVESHAM
I set this story down, not expecting it will be believed, but, if possible, to prepare a way of escape for the next victim. He, perhaps, may profit by my misfortune. My own case, I know, is hopeless, and I am now in some measure prepared to meet my fate.
I'm ready this story down, not expecting anyone to believe it, but hopefully to create a way for the next victim to escape. He might benefit from my misfortune. I know my own situation is hopeless, and I am somewhat ready to face my fate now.
My name is Edward George Eden. I was born at Trentham, in Staffordshire, my father being employed in the gardens there. I lost my mother when I was three years old, and my father when I was five, my uncle, George Eden, then adopting me as his own son. He was a single man, self-educated, and well-known in Birmingham as an enterprising journalist; he educated me generously, fired my ambition to succeed in the world, and at his death, which happened four years ago, left me his entire fortune, a matter of about five hundred pounds after all outgoing charges were paid. I was then eighteen. He advised me in his will to expend the money in completing my education. I had already chosen the profession of medicine, and through his posthumous generosity, and my good fortune in a[48] scholarship competition, I became a medical student at University College, London. At the time of the beginning of my story I lodged at 11A University Street, in a little upper room, very shabbily furnished, and draughty, overlooking the back of Shoolbred’s premises. I used this little room both to live in and sleep in, because I was anxious to eke out my means to the very last shillingsworth.
My name is Edward George Eden. I was born in Trentham, Staffordshire, where my father worked in the gardens. I lost my mother when I was three and my father when I was five. My uncle, George Eden, then took me in and raised me as his own son. He was a single man, self-taught, and well-regarded in Birmingham as an ambitious journalist; he educated me generously, inspired my drive to succeed, and when he passed away four years ago, he left me his entire fortune, which came to about five hundred pounds after all the expenses were settled. I was eighteen at the time. In his will, he urged me to use the money to complete my education. I had already decided to pursue a career in medicine, and thanks to his posthumous generosity and my good fortune in a scholarship competition, I became a medical student at University College, London. At the start of my story, I was living at 11A University Street, in a small upper room that was very poorly furnished and drafty, overlooking the back of Shoolbred’s premises. I used this little room for both living and sleeping, as I was keen to stretch my funds to the very last penny.
I was taking a pair of shoes to be mended at a shop in the Tottenham Court Road when I first encountered the little old man with the yellow face, with whom my life has now become so inextricably entangled. He was standing on the kerb, and staring at the number on the door in a doubtful way, as I opened it. His eyes—they were dull grey eyes, and reddish under the rims—fell to my face, and his countenance immediately assumed an expression of corrugated amiability.
I was taking a pair of shoes to get fixed at a shop on Tottenham Court Road when I first ran into the little old man with the yellow face, who has now become so deeply intertwined with my life. He was standing on the curb, looking at the number on the door with a puzzled expression as I opened it. His eyes—they were dull grey and had a reddish tint around the rims—landed on my face, and his expression instantly shifted to one of wrinkled friendliness.
“You come,” he said, “apt to the moment. I had forgotten the number of your house. How do you do, Mr. Eden?”
“You're here,” he said, “right on time. I had lost track of your address. How's it going, Mr. Eden?”
I was a little astonished at his familiar address, for I had never set eyes on the man before. I was a little annoyed, too, at his catching me with my boots under my arm. He noticed my lack of cordiality.
I was a bit surprised by his casual way of addressing me, since I had never seen him before. I was also somewhat annoyed that he caught me with my boots under my arm. He picked up on my unfriendliness.
“Wonder who the deuce I am, eh? A friend, let me assure you. I have seen you before, though you haven’t seen me. Is there anywhere where I can talk to you?”
“Wonder who the heck I am, huh? A friend, let me assure you. I’ve seen you before, but you haven’t seen me. Is there somewhere I can talk to you?”
I hesitated. The shabbiness of my room upstairs was not a matter for every stranger. “Perhaps,” said I, “we might walk down the street. I’m[49] unfortunately prevented”—My gesture explained the sentence before I had spoken it.
I paused. The messiness of my room upstairs wasn’t something I wanted to share with just anyone. “Maybe,” I said, “we could walk down the street. I'm[49] unfortunately unable to”—My gesture made my words clear before I even finished saying them.
“The very thing,” he said, and faced this way and then that. “The street? Which way shall we go?” I slipped my boots down in the passage. “Look here!” he said abruptly; “this business of mine is a rigmarole. Come and lunch with me, Mr. Eden. I’m an old man, a very old man, and not good at explanations, and what with my piping voice and the clatter of the traffic”—
“The very thing,” he said, looking around. “The street? Which way should we go?” I pulled my boots on in the hallway. “Listen!” he said suddenly; “this whole situation is a mess. Come have lunch with me, Mr. Eden. I’m an old man, a really old man, and I’m not great at explanations, and with my shaky voice and the noise from the traffic”—
He laid a persuasive skinny hand that trembled a little upon my arm.
He laid a convincing, slender hand that shook slightly on my arm.
I was not so old that an old man might not treat me to a lunch. Yet at the same time I was not altogether pleased by this abrupt invitation. “I had rather”—I began. “But I had rather,” he said, catching me up, “and a certain civility is surely due to my grey hairs.” And so I consented, and went with him.
I wasn't so old that an older guy couldn't invite me to lunch. But I also wasn't really thrilled about this sudden invitation. "I'd prefer—" I started to say. "But I would prefer," he interrupted, "and a little respect is definitely owed to my gray hairs." So I agreed and went with him.
He took me to Blavitski’s; I had to walk slowly to accommodate myself to his paces; and over such a lunch as I had never tasted before, he fended off my leading questions, and I took a better note of his appearance. His clean-shaven face was lean and wrinkled, his shrivelled lips fell over a set of false teeth, and his white hair was thin and rather long; he seemed small to me,—though, indeed, most people seemed small to me,—and his shoulders were rounded and bent. And watching him, I could not help but observe that he too was taking note of me, running his eyes, with a curious touch of greed in them, over me, from my broad shoulders to my sun-tanned hands, and up to my freckled face[50] again. “And now,” said he, as we lit our cigarettes, “I must tell you of the business in hand.
He took me to Blavitski’s; I had to walk slowly to keep up with his pace; and over a lunch unlike anything I had ever tasted before, he dodged my probing questions, and I paid closer attention to his appearance. His clean-shaven face was lean and wrinkled, his shriveled lips hung over a set of false teeth, and his white hair was thin and somewhat long; he seemed small to me—though, honestly, most people seemed small to me—and his shoulders were rounded and bent. As I watched him, I couldn’t help but notice that he was also observing me, his eyes, with a curious hint of greed in them, scanning me from my broad shoulders to my sun-tanned hands, and back up to my freckled face[50]. “And now,” he said as we lit our cigarettes, “I need to tell you about the business at hand.
“I must tell you, then, that I am an old man, a very old man.” He paused momentarily. “And it happens that I have money that I must presently be leaving, and never a child have I to leave it to.” I thought of the confidence trick, and resolved I would be on the alert for the vestiges of my five hundred pounds. He proceeded to enlarge on his loneliness, and the trouble he had to find a proper disposition of his money. “I have weighed this plan and that plan, charities, institutions, and scholarships, and libraries, and I have come to this conclusion at last,”—he fixed his eyes on my face,—“that I will find some young fellow, ambitious, pure-minded, and poor, healthy in body and healthy in mind, and, in short, make him my heir, give him all that I have.” He repeated, “Give him all that I have. So that he will suddenly be lifted out of all the trouble and struggle in which his sympathies have been educated, to freedom and influence.”
“I have to let you know, I’m an old man, a really old man.” He paused for a moment. “And I have money that I need to give away, and I don’t have any children to leave it to.” I thought about the scam and decided I’d keep an eye out for my five hundred pounds. He went on about his loneliness and how difficult it was to find the right way to donate his money. “I’ve considered this plan and that plan, charities, organizations, scholarships, and libraries, and I’ve finally come to this conclusion,”—he locked eyes with me—“that I will find a young guy, ambitious, pure-hearted, and poor, healthy in body and mind, and, in short, make him my heir, give him everything I have.” He emphasized again, “Give him everything I have. So he’ll be suddenly lifted out of all the struggles and hardships he's known, into freedom and influence.”
I tried to seem disinterested. With a transparent hypocrisy, I said, “And you want my help, my professional services, maybe, to find that person.”
I tried to act like I didn’t care. With obvious sarcasm, I said, “So, you want my help, my professional services, maybe, to track down that person.”
He smiled, and looked at me over his cigarette, and I laughed at his quiet exposure of my modest pretence.
He smiled and looked at me over his cigarette, and I laughed at his subtle reveal of my modest pretense.
“What a career such a man might have!” he said. “It fills me with envy to think how I have accumulated that another man may spend—
“What a career such a man could have!” he said. “It makes me jealous to think how I have saved up what another man might spend—
“But there are conditions, of course, burdens to be imposed. He must, for instance, take my name. You cannot expect everything without some return.[51] And I must go into all the circumstances of his life before I can accept him. He must be sound. I must know his heredity, how his parents and grandparents died, have the strictest inquiries made into his private morals”—
“But there are conditions, of course, responsibilities to take on. He must, for example, take my name. You can't expect everything without some kind of return.[51] And I need to understand all the details of his life before I can accept him. He has to be reliable. I need to know about his family background, how his parents and grandparents passed away, and have thorough inquiries made into his personal morals—”
This modified my secret congratulations a little. “And do I understand,” said I, “that I—?”
This changed my secret congratulations a bit. “And do I get it right,” I said, “that I—?”
“Yes,” he said, almost fiercely. “You. You.”
“Yes,” he said, almost fiercely. “You. You.”
I answered never a word. My imagination was dancing wildly, my innate scepticism was useless to modify its transports. There was not a particle of gratitude in my mind—I did not know what to say nor how to say it. “But why me in particular?” I said at last.
I didn’t say a word. My imagination was racing, and my natural skepticism couldn’t change its excitement. I felt no gratitude at all—I didn’t know what to say or how to say it. “But why me specifically?” I finally asked.
He had chanced to hear of me from Professor Haslar, he said, as a typically sound and sane young man, and he wished, as far as possible, to leave his money where health and integrity were assured.
He happened to hear about me from Professor Haslar, he said, as a typically sensible and rational young man, and he wanted, as much as possible, to keep his money where health and honesty were guaranteed.
That was my first meeting with the little old man. He was mysterious about himself; he would not give his name yet, he said, and after I had answered some questions of his, he left me at the Blavitski portal. I noticed that he drew a handful of gold coins from his pocket when it came to paying for the lunch. His insistence upon bodily health was curious. In accordance with an arrangement we had made I applied that day for a life policy in the Loyal Insurance Company for a large sum, and I was exhaustively overhauled by the medical advisers of that company in the subsequent week. Even that did not satisfy him, and he insisted I must be re-examined by the great Doctor Henderson. It was Friday in Whitsun week before he[52] came to a decision. He called me down, quite late in the evening,—nearly nine it was,—from cramming chemical equations for my Preliminary Scientific examination. He was standing in the passage under the feeble gas-lamp, and his face was a grotesque interplay of shadows. He seemed more bowed than when I had first seen him, and his cheeks had sunk in a little.
That was my first meeting with the little old man. He was secretive about himself; he wouldn’t share his name just yet. After I answered some of his questions, he left me at the Blavitski portal. I noticed that he pulled out a handful of gold coins from his pocket when it was time to pay for lunch. His obsession with physical health was odd. According to an agreement we had made, I applied that day for a life insurance policy for a large amount with the Loyal Insurance Company, and I was thoroughly examined by their medical team the following week. Even that wasn’t enough for him, and he insisted I needed to be re-examined by the famous Doctor Henderson. It was Friday in Whitsun week before he[52] made a decision. He called me down, quite late in the evening—almost nine o'clock—while I was busy studying chemical equations for my Preliminary Scientific examination. He was standing in the passage under the dim gas lamp, and his face was a strange mix of shadows. He seemed more hunched over than when I first saw him, and his cheeks had sunken in a bit.
His voice shook with emotion. “Everything is satisfactory, Mr. Eden,” he said. “Everything is quite, quite satisfactory. And this night of all nights, you must dine with me and celebrate your—accession.” He was interrupted by a cough. “You won’t have long to wait, either,” he said, wiping his handkerchief across his lips, and gripping my hand with his long bony claw that was disengaged. “Certainly not very long to wait.”
His voice trembled with emotion. “Everything is good, Mr. Eden,” he said. “Everything is really, really good. And tonight of all nights, you have to dine with me and celebrate your—ascension.” He was interrupted by a cough. “You won’t have to wait long, either,” he said, wiping his handkerchief across his lips and gripping my hand with his long, bony hand that was free. “Definitely not long to wait.”
We went into the street and called a cab. I remember every incident of that drive vividly, the swift, easy motion, the vivid contrast of gas and oil and electric light, the crowds of people in the streets, the place in Regent Street to which we went, and the sumptuous dinner we were served with there. I was disconcerted at first by the well-dressed waiter’s glances at my rough clothes, bothered by the stones of the olives, but as the champagne warmed my blood, my confidence revived. At first the old man talked of himself. He had already told me his name in the cab; he was Egbert Elvesham, the great philosopher, whose name I had known since I was a lad at school. It seemed incredible to me that this man, whose intelligence had so early dominated mine, this great abstraction, should suddenly[53] realise itself as this decrepit, familiar figure. I daresay every young fellow who has suddenly fallen among celebrities has felt something of my disappointment. He told me now of the future that the feeble streams of his life would presently leave dry for me, houses, copyrights, investments; I had never suspected that philosophers were so rich. He watched me drink and eat with a touch of envy. “What a capacity for living you have!” he said; and then, with a sigh, a sigh of relief I could have thought it, “It will not be long.”
We stepped into the street and called a cab. I remember every detail of that ride clearly—the smooth, effortless motion, the striking mix of gas, oil, and electric light, the throngs of people on the streets, the spot on Regent Street where we went, and the extravagant dinner we were served there. At first, I felt a bit uncomfortable under the well-dressed waiter’s judgmental looks at my shabby clothes and was annoyed by the olive pits, but as the champagne warmed me up, my confidence came back. Initially, the old man spoke about himself. He had already told me his name in the cab; he was Egbert Elvesham, the famous philosopher, whose name I had known since I was a schoolboy. It seemed unbelievable to me that this man, whose intellect had so profoundly influenced mine, this grand idea, should suddenly take the form of this frail, familiar figure. I imagine every young man who finds himself in the company of celebrities has felt some of my disappointment. He now told me about the future that the dwindling streams of his life would soon leave behind for me—houses, copyrights, investments; I had never guessed that philosophers could be so wealthy. He watched me eat and drink with a hint of envy. “What an appetite for life you have!” he said; then, with a sigh, a sigh that I could almost interpret as relief, “It won’t be long.”
“Ay,” said I, my head swimming now with champagne; “I have a future perhaps—of a passing agreeable sort, thanks to you. I shall now have the honour of your name. But you have a past. Such a past as is worth all my future.”
“Ay,” I said, my head now swimming from the champagne; “I might have a future—one that’s somewhat pleasant, thanks to you. I’ll now have the honor of your name. But you have a past. A past that’s worth more than all my future.”
He shook his head and smiled, as I thought, with half-sad appreciation of my flattering admiration. “That future,” he said, “would you in truth change it?” The waiter came with liqueurs. “You will not perhaps mind taking my name, taking my position, but would you indeed—willingly—take my years?”
He shook his head and smiled, as I thought, with a mix of sadness and appreciation for my flattering admiration. “That future,” he said, “would you actually want to change it?” The waiter came with liqueurs. “You might not mind taking my name or my position, but would you truly—willingly—take my years?”
“With your achievements,” said I gallantly.
"With your achievements," I said confidently.
He smiled again. “Kummel—both,” he said to the waiter, and turned his attention to a little paper packet he had taken from his pocket. “This hour,” said he, “this after-dinner hour is the hour of small things. Here is a scrap of my unpublished wisdom.” He opened the packet with his shaking yellow fingers, and showed a little pinkish powder on the paper. “This,” said he—“well, you must guess what it is. But Kummel—put but a dash of this[54] powder in it—is Himmel.” His large greyish eyes watched mine with an inscrutable expression.
He smiled again. “Kummel—both,” he said to the waiter, then turned his attention to a little paper packet he had pulled from his pocket. “This hour,” he said, “this after-dinner hour is the hour of small things. Here is a piece of my unpublished wisdom.” He opened the packet with his trembling yellow fingers and revealed a little pinkish powder on the paper. “This,” he said—“well, you have to guess what it is. But Kummel—just add a dash of this[54] powder and it’s pure magic.” His large grayish eyes studied mine with an unreadable expression.
It was a bit of a shock to me to find this great teacher gave his mind to the flavour of liqueurs. However, I feigned a great interest in his weakness, for I was drunk enough for such small sycophancy.
It was a bit of a surprise to me to discover that this great teacher was really into the taste of liqueurs. However, I pretended to be very interested in his vice, since I was tipsy enough for such minor flattery.
He parted the powder between the little glasses, and, rising suddenly, with a strange unexpected dignity, held out his hand towards me. I imitated his action, and the glasses rang. “To a quick succession,” said he, and raised his glass towards his lips.
He separated the powder between the small glasses, and then, suddenly standing up with an unexpected dignity, extended his hand toward me. I copied his gesture, and the glasses chimed. “To a quick succession,” he said, lifting his glass to his lips.
“Not that,” I said hastily. “Not that.”
“Not that,” I said quickly. “Not that.”
He paused, with the liqueur at the level of his chin, and his eyes blazing into mine.
He paused, holding the liqueur at chin level, with his eyes staring intensely into mine.
“To a long life,” said I.
"Here’s to a long life," I said.
He hesitated. “To a long life,” said he, with a sudden bark of laughter, and with eyes fixed on one another we tilted the little glasses. His eyes looked straight into mine, and as I drained the stuff off, I felt a curiously intense sensation. The first touch of it set my brain in a furious tumult; I seemed to feel an actual physical stirring in my skull, and a seething humming filled my ears. I did not notice the flavour in my mouth, the aroma that filled my throat; I saw only the grey intensity of his gaze that burnt into mine. The draught, the mental confusion, the noise and stirring in my head, seemed to last an interminable time. Curious vague impressions of half-forgotten things danced and vanished on the edge of my consciousness. At last he broke the spell. With a sudden explosive sigh he put down his glass.
He hesitated. “To a long life,” he said with a sudden burst of laughter, and with our eyes locked on each other, we raised our little glasses. His gaze was locked onto mine, and as I drank it all down, I felt an oddly powerful sensation. The first sip sent my mind into a wild frenzy; I felt a real physical buzz in my head, and a buzzing noise filled my ears. I didn’t pay attention to the taste in my mouth or the scent that lingered in my throat; all I could see was the intense grey of his stare burning into mine. The drink, the mental chaos, the noise, and the agitation in my head seemed to stretch on forever. Strange, vague memories danced around the edges of my awareness and then disappeared. Finally, he broke the moment. With a sudden, explosive sigh, he set down his glass.
“Well?” he said.
“Well?” he asked.
“It’s glorious,” said I, though I had not tasted the stuff.
“It’s amazing,” I said, even though I hadn’t tried it.
My head was spinning. I sat down. My brain was chaos. Then my perception grew clear and minute as though I saw things in a concave mirror. His manner seemed to have changed into something nervous and hasty. He pulled out his watch and grimaced at it. “Eleven-seven! And to-night I must—Seven—twenty-five. Waterloo! I must go at once.” He called for the bill, and struggled with his coat. Officious waiters came to our assistance. In another moment I was wishing him good-bye, over the apron of a cab, and still with an absurd feeling of minute distinctness, as though—how can I express it?—I not only saw but felt through an inverted opera-glass.
My head was spinning. I sat down. My mind was a mess. Then my perception became clear and detailed, as if I were looking at things through a concave mirror. His demeanor seemed to shift into something anxious and rushed. He took out his watch and grimaced at it. “Eleven-seven! And tonight I must—Seven—twenty-five. Waterloo! I have to go right away.” He asked for the bill and struggled with his coat. Eager waiters came to help us. In no time, I was saying goodbye to him over the apron of a cab, still feeling this strange sense of clarity, as if—how can I put this?—I not only saw but felt through an inverted opera glass.
“That stuff,” he said. He put his hand to his forehead. “I ought not to have given it to you. It will make your head split to-morrow. Wait a minute. Here.” He handed me out a little flat thing like a seidlitz-powder. “Take that in water as you are going to bed. The other thing was a drug. Not till you’re ready to go to bed, mind. It will clear your head. That’s all. One more shake—Futurus!”
“That's stuff,” he said, putting his hand to his forehead. “I shouldn't have given it to you. It’ll make your head hurt tomorrow. Hold on a second. Here.” He handed me a small flat thing like a seidlitz powder. “Take that with water when you’re about to go to bed. The other thing was a drug. Not until you’re ready for bed, okay? It’ll clear your head. That's it. One more shake—Futurus!”
I gripped his shrivelled claw. “Good-bye,” he said, and by the droop of his eyelids I judged he too was a little under the influence of that brain-twisting cordial.
I held onto his withered hand. “Goodbye,” he said, and from the way his eyelids drooped, I could tell he was also feeling a bit off from that mind-bending drink.
He recollected something else with a start, felt in his breast-pocket, and produced another packet, this time a cylinder the size and shape of a shaving-stick.[56] “Here,” said he. “I’d almost forgotten. Don’t open this until I come to-morrow—but take it now.”
He suddenly remembered something else, checked his breast pocket, and took out another package, this time a cylinder the size and shape of a shaving stick.[56] “Here,” he said. “I almost forgot. Don’t open this until I come tomorrow—but take it now.”
It was so heavy that I well-nigh dropped it. “All ri’!” said I, and he grinned at me through the cab window as the cabman flicked his horse into wakefulness. It was a white packet he had given me, with red seals at either end and along its edge. “If this isn’t money,” said I, “it’s platinum or lead.”
It was so heavy that I almost dropped it. "All right!" I said, and he smiled at me through the cab window as the cab driver got his horse moving. It was a white packet he had handed me, with red seals on both ends and along its edge. "If this isn't money," I said, "it's either platinum or lead."
I stuck it with elaborate care into my pocket, and with a whirling brain walked home through the Regent Street loiterers and the dark back streets beyond Portland Road. I remember the sensations of that walk very vividly, strange as they were. I was still so far myself that I could notice my strange mental state, and wonder whether this stuff I had had was opium—a drug beyond my experience. It is hard now to describe the peculiarity of my mental strangeness—mental doubling vaguely expresses it. As I was walking up Regent Street I found in my mind a queer persuasion that it was Waterloo station, and had an odd impulse to get into the Polytechnic as a man might get into a train. I put a knuckle in my eye, and it was Regent Street. How can I express it? You see a skilful actor looking quietly at you, he pulls a grimace, and lo!—another person. Is it too extravagant if I tell you that it seemed to me as if Regent Street had, for the moment, done that? Then, being persuaded it was Regent Street again, I was oddly muddled about some fantastic reminiscences that cropped up. “Thirty years ago,” thought I, “it was here that I quarrelled with my brother.” Then I burst out laughing, to the astonishment and encouragement of a group of night prowlers.[57] Thirty years ago I did not exist, and never in my life had I boasted a brother. The stuff was surely liquid folly, for the poignant regret for that lost brother still clung to me. Along Portland Road the madness took another turn. I began to recall vanished shops, and to compare the street with what it used to be. Confused, troubled thinking is comprehensible enough after the drink I had taken, but what puzzled me were these curiously vivid phantasm memories that had crept into my mind, and not only the memories that had crept in, but also the memories that had slipped out. I stopped opposite Stevens’, the natural history dealer’s, and cudgelled my brains to think what he had to do with me. A ’bus went by, and sounded exactly like the rumbling of a train. I seemed to be dipped into some dark, remote pit for the recollection. “Of course,” said I, at last, “he has promised me three frogs to-morrow. Odd I should have forgotten.”
I carefully stuck it into my pocket and, with a spinning head, walked home through the people hanging out on Regent Street and the dark back streets beyond Portland Road. I remember that walk very clearly, as strange as it was. I was still aware enough of myself to notice my odd mental state and to wonder whether the stuff I had consumed was opium—a drug I had never experienced before. It's hard to describe the weirdness of my mind—"mental doubling" vaguely captures it. While I was walking up Regent Street, I had a strange feeling that I was at Waterloo Station and an odd impulse to enter the Polytechnic, like someone would get on a train. I rubbed my eye, and it was definitely Regent Street. How can I explain it? You see a skilled actor looking at you, he makes a face, and suddenly—he’s a different person. Is it too excessive to say it felt like Regent Street had done that for a moment? Once I convinced myself it was Regent Street again, I became oddly confused by some bizarre memories that popped up. “Thirty years ago,” I thought, “it was here that I fought with my brother.” Then I burst out laughing, much to the surprise and enjoyment of a group of night wanderers.[57] Thirty years ago, I didn’t even exist, and I had never had a brother in my life. The stuff was clearly some kind of foolishness, as the deep sadness for that lost brother still lingered with me. Along Portland Road, my madness took another turn. I started to remember long-gone shops and compare the street to what it used to be. Confused and troubled thoughts are pretty understandable after the drink I had, but what puzzled me were these strangely vivid false memories that had crept into my mind, and not just the memories that came in, but also the ones that seemed to slip away. I stopped in front of Stevens', the natural history dealer, and racked my brain trying to remember how he related to me. A bus went by, sounding exactly like a train rumbling. I felt like I was plunged into some dark, distant void in search of this recollection. “Of course,” I finally said, “he promised me three frogs tomorrow. Odd that I would have forgotten.”
Do they still show children dissolving views? In those I remember one view would begin like a faint ghost, and grow and oust another. In just that way it seemed to me that a ghostly set of new sensations was struggling with those of my ordinary self.
Do they still show kids fading images? In those, I remember one image would start off like a faint ghost and then grow, replacing another. In that same way, it felt to me like a ghostly set of new feelings was battling with those of my usual self.
I went on through Euston Road to Tottenham Court Road, puzzled, and a little frightened, and scarcely noticed the unusual way I was taking, for commonly I used to cut through the intervening network of back streets. I turned into University Street, to discover that I had forgotten my number. Only by a strong effort did I recall 11A, and even then it seemed to me that it was a thing some forgotten person had told me. I tried to steady my[58] mind by recalling the incidents of the dinner, and for the life of me I could conjure up no picture of my host’s face; I saw him only as a shadowy outline, as one might see oneself reflected in a window through which one was looking. In his place, however, I had a curious exterior vision of myself sitting at a table, flushed, bright-eyed, and talkative.
I walked down Euston Road to Tottenham Court Road, feeling confused and a bit scared, barely noticing the unusual route I was taking since I usually cut through the network of back streets. I turned onto University Street, only to realize that I had forgotten my number. It took a strong effort, but I finally remembered it was 11A, and even then, it felt like something a long-forgotten person had told me. I tried to clear my mind by recalling the events of dinner, but I couldn't picture my host's face at all; I only saw him as a vague outline, like seeing your reflection in a window you’re looking through. Instead, I had a strange vision of myself sitting at a table, flushed, bright-eyed, and chatty.
“I must take this other powder,” said I. “This is getting impossible.”
“I need to take this other powder,” I said. “This is becoming impossible.”
I tried the wrong side of the hall for my candle and the matches, and had a doubt of which landing my room might be on. “I’m drunk,” I said, “that’s certain,” and blundered needlessly on the staircase to sustain the proposition.
I tried the wrong side of the hall for my candle and matches, and I wasn't sure which landing my room was on. “I’m definitely drunk,” I said, and stumbled clumsily on the staircase to prove my point.
At the first glance my room seemed unfamiliar. “What rot!” I said, and stared about me. I seemed to bring myself back by the effort, and the odd phantasmal quality passed into the concrete familiar. There was the old glass still, with my notes on the albumens stuck in the corner of the frame, my old everyday suit of clothes pitched about the floor. And yet it was not so real after all. I felt an idiotic persuasion trying to creep into my mind, as it were, that I was in a railway carriage in a train just stopping, that I was peering out of the window at some unknown station. I gripped the bed-rail firmly to reassure myself. “It’s clairvoyance, perhaps,” I said. “I must write to the Psychical Research Society.”
At first glance, my room felt unfamiliar. “What nonsense!” I said, looking around. I seemed to pull myself back with the effort, and the strange, ghostly quality faded into something recognizable. There was the old glass still there, with my notes on the albumens stuck in the corner of the frame, and my old everyday suit tossed about the floor. Yet it didn’t feel completely real. I felt a silly notion creeping into my mind, as if I were in a train carriage that was just stopping, peering out the window at some unknown station. I gripped the bed rail tightly to calm myself. “It’s clairvoyance, maybe,” I said. “I should write to the Psychical Research Society.”
I put the rouleau on my dressing-table, sat on my bed and began to take off my boots. It was as if the picture of my present sensations was painted over some other picture that was trying to show[59] through. “Curse it!” said I; “my wits are going, or am I in two places at once?” Half-undressed, I tossed the powder into a glass and drank it off. It effervesced, and became a fluorescent amber colour. Before I was in bed my mind was already tranquillised. I felt the pillow at my cheek, and thereupon I must have fallen asleep.
I placed the roll on my dresser, sat on my bed, and began to take off my boots. It felt like my current feelings were layered over some other experience that was trying to come through[59]. "Damn it!" I said, "Am I losing my mind, or am I in two places at once?" Half-undressed, I tossed the powder into a glass and downed it. It fizzed and turned a bright amber color. By the time I got into bed, my mind was already calm. I felt the pillow against my cheek, and then I must have fallen asleep.
I awoke abruptly out of a dream of strange beasts, and found myself lying on my back. Probably everyone knows that dismal, emotional dream from which one escapes, awake indeed, but strangely cowed. There was a curious taste in my mouth, a tired feeling in my limbs, a sense of cutaneous discomfort. I lay with my head motionless on my pillow, expecting that my feeling of strangeness and terror would probably pass away, and that I should then doze off again to sleep. But instead of that, my uncanny sensations increased. At first I could perceive nothing wrong about me. There was a faint light in the room, so faint that it was the very next thing to darkness, and the furniture stood out in it as vague blots of absolute darkness. I stared with my eyes just over the bedclothes.
I suddenly woke up from a dream about weird creatures and found myself lying on my back. I think everyone knows that gloomy, emotional dream from which you wake up, but still feel strangely shaken. There was a weird taste in my mouth, my limbs felt tired, and I felt uncomfortable all over. I lay there with my head still on the pillow, thinking that my feelings of strangeness and fear would probably fade away, and I’d doze off again. But instead, my creepy sensations got stronger. At first, I didn’t notice anything wrong. There was a faint light in the room, so dim it was almost like darkness, and the furniture looked like vague dark shapes. I stared with my eyes just above the bedcovers.
It came into my mind that someone had entered the room to rob me of my rouleau of money, but after lying for some moments, breathing regularly to simulate sleep, I realised this was mere fancy. Nevertheless, the uneasy assurance of something wrong kept fast hold of me. With an effort I raised my head from the pillow, and peered about me at the dark. What it was I could not conceive. I looked at the dim shapes around me, the greater and[60] lesser darknesses that indicated curtains, table, fireplace, bookshelves, and so forth. Then I began to perceive something unfamiliar in the forms of the darkness. Had the bed turned round? Yonder should be the bookshelves, and something shrouded and pallid rose there, something that would not answer to the bookshelves, however I looked at it. It was far too big to be my shirt thrown on a chair.
It crossed my mind that someone had come into the room to steal my roll of money, but after lying still for a few moments, breathing regularly to pretend to be asleep, I realized that was just my imagination. Still, the uneasy feeling that something was wrong wouldn’t let go of me. With some effort, I lifted my head from the pillow and glanced around in the dark. I couldn’t figure out what it was. I looked at the faint shapes around me—the larger and smaller dark areas that represented the curtains, table, fireplace, bookshelves, and so on. Then I started to notice something strange in the shadows. Had the bed turned around? Over there should be the bookshelves, and something covered and pale rose up in that spot, something that didn’t look like the bookshelves no matter how I viewed it. It was way too big to be my shirt tossed on a chair.
Overcoming a childish terror, I threw back the bedclothes and thrust my leg out of bed. Instead of coming out of my truckle-bed upon the floor, I found my foot scarcely reached the edge of the mattress. I made another step, as it were, and sat up on the edge of the bed. By the side of my bed should be the candle, and the matches upon the broken chair. I put out my hand and touched—nothing. I waved my hand in the darkness, and it came against some heavy hanging, soft and thick in texture, which gave a rustling noise at my touch. I grasped this and pulled it; it appeared to be a curtain suspended over the head of my bed.
Overcoming a childish fear, I threw back the blankets and swung my leg out of bed. Instead of stepping onto the floor from my low bed, I found my foot barely reached the edge of the mattress. I took another step, so to speak, and sat up on the edge of the bed. There should be a candle beside my bed and matches on the broken chair. I reached out my hand and felt—nothing. I waved my hand in the dark and it brushed against something heavy that hung down, soft and thick in texture, which rustled at my touch. I grabbed it and pulled; it seemed to be a curtain draped over the head of my bed.
I was now thoroughly awake, and beginning to realise that I was in a strange room. I was puzzled. I tried to recall the overnight circumstances, and I found them now, curiously enough, vivid in my memory: the supper, my reception of the little packages, my wonder whether I was intoxicated, my slow undressing, the coolness to my flushed face of my pillow. I felt a sudden distrust. Was that last night, or the night before? At anyrate, this room was strange to me, and I could not imagine how I had got into it. The dim, pallid outline[61] was growing paler, and I perceived it was a window, with the dark shape of an oval toilet-glass against the weak intimation of the dawn that filtered through the blind. I stood up, and was surprised by a curious feeling of weakness and unsteadiness. With trembling hands outstretched, I walked slowly towards the window, getting, nevertheless, a bruise on the knee from a chair by the way. I fumbled round the glass, which was large, with handsome brass sconces, to find the blind-cord. I could not find any. By chance I took hold of the tassel, and with the click of a spring the blind ran up.
I was fully awake now and starting to realize that I was in a strange room. I felt confused. I tried to remember the events of the night before, and oddly enough, they were vivid in my mind: the dinner, receiving the small packages, wondering if I was drunk, my slow process of getting undressed, the coolness of my pillow against my flushed face. A sudden feeling of distrust hit me. Was that last night or the night before? Either way, this room was unfamiliar, and I couldn't figure out how I ended up here. The dim, pale outline[61] was fading, and I realized it was a window, with the dark shape of an oval mirror against the faint light of dawn filtering through the blind. I stood up and was surprised by a strange feeling of weakness and unsteadiness. With my trembling hands outstretched, I walked slowly towards the window, bumping my knee on a chair along the way. I fumbled around the large mirror, which had nice brass sconces, trying to find the blind cord. I couldn’t find it. By chance, I grabbed the tassel, and with the click of a spring, the blind went up.
I found myself looking out upon a scene that was altogether strange to me. The night was overcast, and through the flocculent grey of the heaped clouds there filtered a faint half-light of dawn. Just at the edge of the sky, the cloud-canopy had a blood-red rim. Below, everything was dark and indistinct, dim hills in the distance, a vague mass of buildings running up into pinnacles, trees like spilt ink, and below the window a tracery of black bushes and pale grey paths. It was so unfamiliar that for the moment I thought myself still dreaming. I felt the toilet-table; it appeared to be made of some polished wood, and was rather elaborately furnished—there were little cut-glass bottles and a brush upon it. There was also a queer little object, horse-shoe-shaped it felt, with smooth, hard projections, lying in a saucer. I could find no matches nor candlestick.
I found myself looking out at a scene that was completely strange to me. The night was cloudy, and through the fluffy gray clouds, a faint light of dawn was breaking through. Just at the edge of the sky, the cloud cover had a blood-red rim. Below, everything was dark and unclear—dim hills in the distance, a vague mass of buildings that reached up into points, trees like spilled ink, and below the window, a pattern of black bushes and light gray paths. It was so unfamiliar that, for a moment, I thought I was still dreaming. I felt the dresser; it seemed to be made of some polished wood and was quite nicely set up—there were small cut-glass bottles and a brush on it. There was also a strange little object that felt horse-shoe-shaped, with smooth, hard projections, lying in a saucer. I couldn't find any matches or a candlestick.
I turned my eyes to the room again. Now the blind was up, faint spectres of its furnishing came [62]out of the darkness. There was a huge curtained bed, and the fireplace at its foot had a large white mantel with something of the shimmer of marble.
I looked back at the room. The blind was raised, and the faint outlines of its furniture emerged from the darkness. There was a large curtained bed, and the fireplace at its foot had a big white mantel that shimmered like marble. [62]
I leant against the toilet-table, shut my eyes and opened them again, and tried to think. The whole thing was far too real for dreaming. I was inclined to imagine there was still some hiatus in my memory, as a consequence of my draught of that strange liqueur; that I had come into my inheritance perhaps, and suddenly lost my recollection of everything since my good fortune had been announced. Perhaps if I waited a little, things would be clearer to me again. Yet my dinner with old Elvesham was now singularly vivid and recent. The champagne, the observant waiters, the powder, and the liqueurs—I could have staked my soul it all happened a few hours ago.
I leaned against the bathroom counter, closed my eyes and opened them again, trying to think. It all felt way too real to be a dream. I started to think maybe there was still a gap in my memory, because of that strange liqueur I drank; that I had come into my inheritance and suddenly lost all memory of everything since my good luck was announced. Maybe if I waited a bit, things would become clear again. But my dinner with old Elvesham was still really vivid and fresh in my mind. The champagne, the attentive waiters, the powder, and the liqueurs—I could have sworn it all happened just a few hours ago.
And then occurred a thing so trivial and yet so terrible to me that I shiver now to think of that moment. I spoke aloud. I said, “How the devil did I get here?” ... And the voice was not my own.
And then something so trivial yet so horrifying happened that I shiver now at the memory of that moment. I spoke out loud. I said, “How the hell did I get here?” ... And the voice wasn’t mine.
It was not my own, it was thin, the articulation was slurred, the resonance of my facial bones was different. Then, to reassure myself I ran one hand over the other, and felt loose folds of skin, the bony laxity of age. “Surely,” I said, in that horrible voice that had somehow established itself in my throat, “surely this thing is a dream!” Almost as quickly as if I did it involuntarily, I thrust my fingers into my mouth. My teeth had gone. My finger-tips ran on the flaccid surface of an even row of shrivelled gums. I was sick with dismay and disgust.
It wasn’t mine, it felt thin, my speech was slurred, and the shape of my facial bones felt different. To calm myself, I ran one hand over the other and felt the loose folds of skin, the bony slackness of age. “This can’t be real,” I said, in that awful voice that had somehow found its way into my throat, “this has to be a dream!” Almost without thinking, I shoved my fingers into my mouth. My teeth were gone. My fingertips brushed over the soft surface of an even row of shriveled gums. I was overwhelmed with shock and disgust.
I felt then a passionate desire to see myself, to realise at once in its full horror the ghastly change that had come upon me. I tottered to the mantel, and felt along it for matches. As I did so, a barking cough sprang up in my throat, and I clutched the thick flannel nightdress I found about me. There were no matches there, and I suddenly realised that my extremities were cold. Sniffing and coughing, whimpering a little, perhaps, I fumbled back to bed. “It is surely a dream,” I whimpered to myself as I clambered back, “surely a dream.” It was a senile repetition. I pulled the bedclothes over my shoulders, over my ears, I thrust my withered hand under the pillow, and determined to compose myself to sleep. Of course it was a dream. In the morning the dream would be over, and I should wake up strong and vigorous again to my youth and studies. I shut my eyes, breathed regularly, and, finding myself wakeful, began to count slowly through the powers of three.
I felt an intense urge to see myself, to fully grasp the horrific change that had happened to me. I stumbled to the mantel and searched for matches. As I did, a deep cough erupted in my throat, and I grabbed the thick flannel nightdress I found draped around me. There were no matches there, and I suddenly realized that my hands and feet were cold. Sniffling and coughing, maybe even whimpering a little, I awkwardly made my way back to bed. “It has to be a dream,” I muttered to myself as I climbed back in, “it’s got to be a dream.” It was a tired mantra. I pulled the blankets over my shoulders, up to my ears, shoved my frail hand under the pillow, and decided to calm myself to sleep. Of course, it was just a dream. In the morning, the dream would be over, and I’d wake up strong and full of life, ready for my youth and studies. I closed my eyes, breathed steadily, and finding myself wide awake, started to slowly count in threes.
But the thing I desired would not come. I could not get to sleep. And the persuasion of the inexorable reality of the change that had happened to me grew steadily. Presently I found myself with my eyes wide open, the powers of three forgotten, and my skinny fingers upon my shrivelled gums. I was, indeed, suddenly and abruptly, an old man. I had in some unaccountable manner fallen through my life and come to old age, in some way I had been cheated of all the best of my life, of love, of struggle, of strength, and hope. I grovelled into the pillow and tried to persuade myself that such hallucination was possible. Imperceptibly, steadily, the dawn grew clearer.
But the thing I wanted wouldn’t come. I couldn’t fall asleep. The harsh reality of the change that had happened to me kept hitting me harder. Soon, I found myself with my eyes wide open, the powers of three forgotten, and my bony fingers on my dry gums. I had, in a strange way, instantly become an old man. Somehow, I had fallen through my life and reached old age; I had been robbed of all the best parts of my life—love, struggle, strength, and hope. I buried my face in the pillow and tried to convince myself that such a hallucination was possible. Gradually, steadily, the dawn became clearer.
At last, despairing of further sleep, I sat up in bed and looked about me. A chill twilight rendered the whole chamber visible. It was spacious and well-furnished, better furnished than any room I had ever slept in before. A candle and matches became dimly visible upon a little pedestal in a recess. I threw back the bedclothes, and, shivering with the rawness of the early morning, albeit it was summer-time, I got out and lit the candle. Then, trembling horribly, so that the extinguisher rattled on its spike, I tottered to the glass and saw—Elvesham’s face! It was none the less horrible because I had already dimly feared as much. He had already seemed physically weak and pitiful to me, but seen now, dressed only in a coarse flannel nightdress that fell apart and showed the stringy neck, seen now as my own body, I cannot describe its desolate decrepitude. The hollow cheeks, the straggling tail of dirty grey hair, the rheumy bleared eyes, the quivering, shrivelled lips, the lower displaying a gleam of the pink interior lining, and those horrible dark gums showing. You who are mind and body together, at your natural years, cannot imagine what this fiendish imprisonment meant to me. To be young and full of the desire and energy of youth, and to be caught, and presently to be crushed in this tottering ruin of a body....
Finally giving up on trying to sleep, I sat up in bed and looked around. A cold twilight made the entire room visible. It was spacious and nicely furnished, better than any place I had ever slept before. A candle and matches were faintly visible on a small pedestal in a nook. I pulled back the bedcovers, and, shivering from the chill of the early morning, even though it was summer, I got out and lit the candle. Then, shaking so badly that the candle snuffer rattled on its spike, I stumbled to the mirror and saw—Elvesham’s face! It was just as horrifying as I had feared. He had already seemed physically weak and pitiful to me, but seeing him now, dressed only in a rough flannel nightdress that barely hung together, showing his skinny neck, I can’t even describe his miserable frailty. The sunken cheeks, the unkempt strands of dirty grey hair, the watery, bleary eyes, the trembling, shriveled lips, the bottom lip revealing a glimpse of the pink inside, and those dreadful dark gums on display. You who are young and full of energy cannot possibly imagine what this nightmarish imprisonment meant to me. To be young and filled with the passion and drive of youth, yet to be trapped and soon to be crushed in this crumbling shell of a body...
But I wander from the course of my story. For some time I must have been stunned at this change that had come upon me. It was daylight when I did so far gather myself together as to think. In some inexplicable way I had been changed, though[65] how, short of magic, the thing had been done, I could not say. And as I thought, the diabolical ingenuity of Elvesham came home to me. It seemed plain to me that as I found myself in his, so he must be in possession of my body, of my strength, that is, and my future. But how to prove it? Then, as I thought, the thing became so incredible, even to me, that my mind reeled, and I had to pinch myself, to feel my toothless gums, to see myself in the glass, and touch the things about me, before I could steady myself to face the facts again. Was all life hallucination? Was I indeed Elvesham, and he me? Had I been dreaming of Eden overnight? Was there any Eden? But if I was Elvesham, I should remember where I was on the previous morning, the name of the town in which I lived, what happened before the dream began. I struggled with my thoughts. I recalled the queer doubleness of my memories overnight. But now my mind was clear. Not the ghost of any memories but those proper to Eden could I raise.
But I’ve gotten off track in my story. I must have been in shock for a while at this change that had happened to me. It was daylight when I finally managed to gather my thoughts. In some mysterious way, I had been transformed, though[65] I couldn’t quite explain how, short of magic. As I thought about it, the wicked cleverness of Elvesham hit me. It was clear to me that just as I found myself in his situation, he must have taken over my body, my strength, and my future. But how could I prove it? Then, as I mulled it over, the whole thing became so unbelievable, even to me, that my mind spun, and I had to pinch myself, touch my toothless gums, look at myself in the mirror, and feel the objects around me before I could steady myself to confront the reality again. Was all of life just an illusion? Was I really Elvesham, and he me? Had I been dreaming of Eden all night? Did Eden even exist? But if I was Elvesham, I should remember where I was the previous morning, the name of my town, what had happened before the dream started. I wrestled with my thoughts. I recalled the strange duality of my memories overnight. But now my mind was clear. I could only summon up memories that were fitting for Eden.
“This way lies insanity!” I cried in my piping voice. I staggered to my feet, dragged my feeble, heavy limbs to the washhand-stand, and plunged my grey head into a basin of cold water. Then, towelling myself, I tried again. It was no good. I felt beyond all question that I was indeed Eden, not Elvesham. But Eden in Elvesham’s body!
“This way leads to madness!” I yelled in my high-pitched voice. I got up unsteadily, forced my weak, heavy limbs to the sink, and dunked my gray head into a basin of cold water. After drying myself off, I tried once more. It didn’t work. I was completely certain that I was Eden, not Elvesham. But Eden in Elvesham’s body!
Had I been a man of any other age, I might have given myself up to my fate as one enchanted. But in these sceptical days miracles do not pass current. Here was some trick of psychology. What a drug and a steady stare could do, a drug and a steady[66] stare, or some similar treatment, could surely undo. Men have lost their memories before. But to exchange memories as one does umbrellas! I laughed. Alas! not a healthy laugh, but a wheezing, senile titter. I could have fancied old Elvesham laughing at my plight, and a gust of petulant anger, unusual to me, swept across my feelings. I began dressing eagerly in the clothes I found lying about on the floor, and only realised when I was dressed that it was an evening suit I had assumed. I opened the wardrobe and found some more ordinary clothes, a pair of plaid trousers, and an old-fashioned dressing-gown. I put a venerable smoking-cap on my venerable head, and, coughing a little from my exertions, tottered out upon the landing.
If I were a man from another time, I might have accepted my fate as if under a spell. But in today's doubtful world, miracles don't hold any weight. This must be some kind of psychological trick. What a drug and a focused gaze could accomplish, a drug and a focused gaze, or something similar, could definitely reverse. People have forgotten things before. But to swap memories like you would swap umbrellas? I laughed. Unfortunately, it wasn't a healthy laugh, but a wheezing, old man’s chuckle. I could almost imagine old Elvesham laughing at my situation, and a wave of irritation, unusual for me, washed over my feelings. I started putting on the clothes I found scattered on the floor, and only realized when I was dressed that I had put on an evening suit. I opened the wardrobe and discovered some more casual clothes: a pair of plaid trousers and an old-fashioned dressing gown. I placed a very old smoking cap on my equally old head, and, coughing a bit from my efforts, wobbled out onto the landing.
It was then, perhaps, a quarter to six, and the blinds were closely drawn and the house quite silent. The landing was a spacious one, a broad, richly-carpeted staircase went down into the darkness of the hall below, and before me a door ajar showed me a writing-desk, a revolving bookcase, the back of a study chair, and a fine array of bound books, shelf upon shelf.
It was around a quarter to six, the blinds were tightly shut, and the house was completely quiet. The landing was spacious, with a wide, plush carpeted staircase leading down into the dark hall below. In front of me, a slightly open door revealed a writing desk, a revolving bookcase, the back of a study chair, and a beautiful collection of bound books, stacked on shelves.
“My study,” I mumbled, and walked across the landing. Then at the sound of my voice a thought struck me, and I went back to the bedroom and put in the set of false teeth. They slipped in with the ease of old habit. “That’s better,” said I, gnashing them, and so returned to the study.
“My study,” I mumbled, and walked across the landing. Then, at the sound of my voice, a thought hit me, and I went back to the bedroom and put in the set of false teeth. They slipped in as easily as an old habit. “That’s better,” I said, grinding them, and then returned to the study.
The drawers of the writing-desk were locked. Its revolving top was also locked. I could see no indications of the keys, and there were none in the [67]pockets of my trousers. I shuffled back at once to the bedroom, and went through the dress suit, and afterwards the pockets of all the garments I could find. I was very eager, and one might have imagined that burglars had been at work, to see my room when I had done. Not only were there no keys to be found, but not a coin, nor a scrap of paper—save only the receipted bill of the overnight dinner.
The drawers of the writing desk were locked. Its revolving top was also locked. I couldn’t see any signs of the keys, and there weren’t any in the [67] pockets of my pants. I quickly shuffled back to the bedroom and went through the dress suit, then checked the pockets of all the clothes I could find. I was really eager, and you might have thought that burglars had been at work if you saw my room after I was done. Not only could I find no keys, but there wasn’t a single coin or a scrap of paper—except for the receipted bill from the dinner last night.
A curious weariness asserted itself. I sat down and stared at the garments flung here and there, their pockets turned inside out. My first frenzy had already flickered out. Every moment I was beginning to realise the immense intelligence of the plans of my enemy, to see more and more clearly the hopelessness of my position. With an effort I rose and hurried hobbling into the study again. On the staircase was a housemaid pulling up the blinds. She stared, I think, at the expression of my face. I shut the door of the study behind me, and, seizing a poker, began an attack upon the desk. That is how they found me. The cover of the desk was split, the lock smashed, the letters torn out of the pigeon-holes and tossed about the room. In my senile rage I had flung about the pens and other such light stationery, and overturned the ink. Moreover, a large vase upon the mantel had got broken—I do not know how. I could find no cheque-book, no money, no indications of the slightest use for the recovery of my body. I was battering madly at the drawers, when the butler, backed by two women-servants, intruded upon me.
A strange tiredness set in. I sat down and looked at the clothes thrown everywhere, their pockets turned inside out. My initial burst of energy had already faded. With each passing moment, I started to realize how cunning my enemy's plans were, and I could see more clearly just how hopeless my situation was. With some effort, I got up and hurried back into the study, limping. On the stairs, a maid was pulling up the blinds. She seemed to stare at my expression. I closed the study door behind me and grabbed a poker to start attacking the desk. That’s how they found me. The desk cover was split, the lock smashed, and letters were ripped from the drawers and scattered around the room. In my furious rage, I had thrown around the pens and other lightweight stationery, spilling the ink everywhere. Plus, a large vase on the mantel had broken—I have no idea how. I couldn’t find any checkbook, any money, or anything useful for the recovery of my situation. I was banging frantically on the drawers when the butler, followed by two maids, walked in on me.
That simply is the story of my change. No one will believe my frantic assertions. I am treated as one demented, and even at this moment I am under restraint. But I am sane, absolutely sane, and to prove it I have sat down to write this story minutely as the things happened to me. I appeal to the reader, whether there is any trace of insanity in the style or method of the story he has been reading. I am a young man locked away in an old man’s body. But the clear fact is incredible to everyone. Naturally I appear demented to those who will not believe this, naturally I do not know the names of my secretaries, of the doctors who come to see me, of my servants and neighbours, of this town (wherever it is) where I find myself. Naturally I lose myself in my own house, and suffer inconveniences of every sort. Naturally I ask the oddest questions. Naturally I weep and cry out, and have paroxysms of despair. I have no money and no cheque-book. The bank will not recognise my signature, for I suppose that, allowing for the feeble muscles I now have, my handwriting is still Eden’s. These people about me will not let me go to the bank personally. It seems, indeed, that there is no bank in this town, and that I have an account in some part of London. It seems that Elvesham kept the name of his solicitor secret from all his household—I can ascertain nothing. Elvesham was, of course, a profound student of mental science, and all my declarations of the facts of the case merely confirm the theory that my insanity is the outcome of overmuch brooding upon psychology. Dreams of the personal identity indeed! Two days ago I was a healthy youngster, with all life before me; now I am a[69] furious old man, unkempt, and desperate, and miserable, prowling about a great luxurious strange house, watched, feared, and avoided as a lunatic by everyone about me. And in London is Elvesham beginning life again in a vigorous body, and with all the accumulated knowledge and wisdom of threescore and ten. He has stolen my life.
That’s just the story of my transformation. No one will believe my desperate claims. I’m treated like I’m insane, and even right now, I’m being confined. But I am sane, completely sane, and to prove it, I’ve started writing down this story in detail as it happened to me. I ask the reader: is there any hint of madness in the style or method of the story you've been reading? I’m a young man trapped in an old man’s body. But the harsh truth is unbelievable to everyone. Of course, I seem deranged to those who won’t accept this; of course, I can’t remember the names of my secretaries or the doctors who visit me, or my servants and neighbors, or even the town (wherever that is) where I find myself. Naturally, I get lost in my own house and face all kinds of inconveniences. Naturally, I ask the strangest questions. Naturally, I cry and shout and have fits of despair. I have no money and no checkbook. The bank won’t recognize my signature, because I guess considering the weak muscles I have now, my handwriting is still like Eden’s. These people around me won’t let me go to the bank myself. It turns out there’s no bank in this town, and that I have an account somewhere in London. It seems Elvesham kept the name of his lawyer hidden from everyone in his household—I can’t figure anything out. Elvesham was, of course, a deep scholar of mental science, and all my claims about the situation only support the theory that my insanity is due to overthinking psychology. Dreams about personal identity indeed! Two days ago, I was a healthy young person with my whole life ahead of me; now, I’m a furious old man, disheveled, desperate, and miserable, wandering around a vast, luxurious strange house, watched, feared, and avoided like a lunatic by everyone around me. And in London, Elvesham is starting life again in a strong body, with all the accumulated knowledge and wisdom of seventy years. He has stolen my life.
What has happened I do not clearly know. In the study are volumes of manuscript notes referring chiefly to the psychology of memory, and parts of what may be either calculations or ciphers in symbols absolutely strange to me. In some passages there are indications that he was also occupied with the philosophy of mathematics. I take it he has transferred the whole of his memories, the accumulation that makes up his personality, from this old withered brain of his to mine, and, similarly, that he has transferred mine to his discarded tenement. Practically, that is, he has changed bodies. But how such a change may be possible is without the range of my philosophy. I have been a materialist for all my thinking life, but here, suddenly, is a clear case of man’s detachability from matter.
What has happened, I’m not completely sure. In the study, there are stacks of handwritten notes mostly about the psychology of memory, along with some parts that look like calculations or codes in symbols that are completely unfamiliar to me. In some sections, there are hints that he was also thinking about the philosophy of mathematics. I believe he has transferred all of his memories, which make up his personality, from his old, withered brain to mine, and in the same way, he has moved my memories to his abandoned shell. Essentially, he has switched bodies. But how such a switch could happen is beyond my understanding. I've been a materialist my entire life, yet here, suddenly, is a clear example of a person being separate from their physical body.
One desperate experiment I am about to try. I sit writing here before putting the matter to issue. This morning, with the help of a table-knife that I had secreted at breakfast, I succeeded in breaking open a fairly obvious secret drawer in this wrecked writing-desk. I discovered nothing save a little green glass phial containing a white powder. Round the neck of the phial was a label, and thereon was written this one word, “Release.” This may be—is [70]most probably, poison. I can understand Elvesham placing poison in my way, and I should be sure that it was his intention so to get rid of the only living witness against him, were it not for this careful concealment. The man has practically solved the problem of immortality. Save for the spite of chance, he will live in my body until it has aged, and then, again, throwing that aside, he will assume some other victim’s youth and strength. When one remembers his heartlessness, it is terrible to think of the ever-growing experience, that.... How long has he been leaping from body to body?... But I tire of writing. The powder appears to be soluble in water. The taste is not unpleasant.
I'm about to try a desperate experiment. I'm sitting here writing before I make a decision. This morning, using a table knife I had hidden during breakfast, I managed to open a pretty obvious secret drawer in this damaged writing desk. All I found was a small green glass vial containing a white powder. Around the neck of the vial was a label that simply said, “Release.” This may be—or most likely is—poison. I can see Elvesham trying to poison me, and I’d bet he wants to eliminate the only living witness against him, but the careful concealment makes me question it. The man has practically figured out immortality. Unless luck works against him, he’ll live in my body until it ages, and then he’ll just discard it and take over someone else’s youth and strength. It’s horrifying to think about the growing experience he’s accumulating… How long has he been jumping from body to body? ... But I’m getting tired of writing. The powder seems to dissolve in water and doesn’t taste bad.
There the narrative found upon Mr. Elvesham’s desk ends. His dead body lay between the desk and the chair. The latter had been pushed back, probably by his last convulsions. The story was written in pencil, and in a crazy hand, quite unlike his usual minute characters. There remain only two curious facts to record. Indisputably there was some connection between Eden and Elvesham, since the whole of Elvesham’s property was bequeathed to the young man. But he never inherited. When Elvesham committed suicide, Eden was, strangely enough, already dead. Twenty-four hours before, he had been knocked down by a cab and killed instantly, at the crowded crossing at the intersection of Gower Street and Euston Road. So that the only human being who could have thrown light upon this fantastic narrative is beyond the reach of questions. Without further comment I leave this extraordinary matter to the reader’s individual judgment.
There the story found on Mr. Elvesham’s desk ends. His dead body was lying between the desk and the chair. The chair had been pushed back, probably by his last convulsions. The story was written in pencil and in a messy handwriting, quite different from his usual neat characters. There are only two strange facts to mention. Clearly, there was some connection between Eden and Elvesham, since all of Elvesham’s property was left to the young man. But he never inherited it. When Elvesham took his own life, Eden was, strangely enough, already dead. Twenty-four hours earlier, he had been hit by a cab and killed instantly at the crowded crossing at the intersection of Gower Street and Euston Road. So, the only person who could have shed light on this bizarre story is beyond reach for any questions. Without further comment, I leave this unusual matter to the reader’s personal judgment.
IN THE ABYSS
The lieutenant stood in front of the steel sphere and gnawed a piece of pine splinter. “What do you think of it, Steevens?” he asked.
The lieutenant stood in front of the steel sphere and chewed on a piece of pine splinter. “What do you think of it, Steevens?” he asked.
“It’s an idea,” said Steevens, in the tone of one who keeps an open mind.
“It’s an idea,” said Steevens, in a tone that suggested he was keeping an open mind.
“I believe it will smash—flat,” said the lieutenant.
“I think it’s going to crash—hard,” said the lieutenant.
“He seems to have calculated it all out pretty well,” said Steevens, still impartial.
“He seems to have figured it all out pretty well,” said Steevens, still neutral.
“But think of the pressure,” said the lieutenant. “At the surface of the water it’s fourteen pounds to the inch, thirty feet down it’s double that; sixty, treble; ninety, four times; nine hundred, forty times; five thousand, three hundred—that’s a mile—it’s two hundred and forty times fourteen pounds; that’s—let’s see—thirty hundredweight—a ton and a half, Steevens; a ton and a half to the square inch. And the ocean where he’s going is five miles deep. That’s seven and a half”—
“But think about the pressure,” said the lieutenant. “At the surface of the water, it’s fourteen pounds per square inch; thirty feet down, it’s double that; sixty feet, triple; ninety feet, four times; nine hundred feet, forty times; five thousand three hundred feet—that’s a mile—it’s two hundred and forty times fourteen pounds; that’s—let me calculate—thirty hundredweight—a ton and a half, Steevens; a ton and a half per square inch. And the ocean where he’s going is five miles deep. That’s seven and a half—”
“Sounds a lot,” said Steevens, “but it’s jolly thick steel.”
“Sounds like a lot,” said Steevens, “but it’s really thick steel.”
The lieutenant made no answer, but resumed his pine splinter. The object of their conversation was a huge ball of steel, having an exterior diameter of[72] perhaps nine feet. It looked like the shot for some Titanic piece of artillery. It was elaborately nested in a monstrous scaffolding built into the framework of the vessel, and the gigantic spars that were presently to sling it overboard gave the stern of the ship an appearance that had raised the curiosity of every decent sailor who had sighted it, from the Pool of London to the Tropic of Capricorn. In two places, one above the other, the steel gave place to a couple of circular windows of enormously thick glass, and one of these, set in a steel frame of great solidity, was now partially unscrewed. Both the men had seen the interior of this globe for the first time that morning. It was elaborately padded with air cushions, with little studs sunk between bulging pillows to work the simple mechanism of the affair. Everything was elaborately padded, even the Myers apparatus which was to absorb carbonic acid and replace the oxygen inspired by its tenant, when he had crept in by the glass manhole, and had been screwed in. It was so elaborately padded that a man might have been fired from a gun in it with perfect safety. And it had need to be, for presently a man was to crawl in through that glass manhole, to be screwed up tightly, and to be flung overboard, and to sink down—down—down, for five miles, even as the lieutenant said. It had taken the strongest hold of his imagination; it made him a bore at mess; and he found Steevens, the new arrival aboard, a godsend to talk to about it, over and over again.
The lieutenant didn’t respond but went back to his piece of pine splinter. The topic of their discussion was a massive steel ball, roughly nine feet in diameter. It looked like the projectile for some gigantic cannon. It was intricately secured in a huge scaffolding built into the ship's structure, and the enormous beams that were about to hoist it overboard gave the back of the ship a look that intrigued every decent sailor who had seen it, from the Pool of London to the Tropic of Capricorn. There were two circular windows made of very thick glass, one on top of the other, and one of these, set in a robust steel frame, was partially unscrewed. Both men had seen the inside of this globe for the first time that morning. It was fully lined with air cushions, with little studs embedded between bulging pillows to operate the simple mechanism. Everything was thoroughly padded, even the Myers apparatus that was meant to absorb carbon dioxide and replace the oxygen for its occupant once he had crawled in through the glass manhole and been secured. It was so well-padded that a person could be fired from a cannon in it with complete safety. And it needed to be, because soon a man would climb in through that glass manhole, be tightly secured, and be thrown overboard, sinking down—down—down, for five miles, just as the lieutenant had said. It captured his imagination so much that he became a bore at dinner, and he found Steevens, the new arrival, a relief to talk about it with repeatedly.
“It’s my opinion,” said the lieutenant, “that that glass will simply bend in and bulge and smash,[73] under a pressure of that sort. Daubrée has made rocks run like water under big pressures—and, you mark my words”—
“It’s my opinion,” said the lieutenant, “that glass will just bend in, bulge, and break under that kind of pressure. Daubrée has shown that rocks can flow like water under huge pressures—and, mark my words”—[73]
“If the glass did break in,” said Steevens, “what then?”
“If the glass did break in,” said Steevens, “so what?”
“The water would shoot in like a jet of iron. Have you ever felt a straight jet of high pressure water? It would hit as hard as a bullet. It would simply smash him and flatten him. It would tear down his throat, and into his lungs; it would blow in his ears”—
“The water would blast in like a jet of iron. Have you ever experienced a straight jet of high-pressure water? It would hit as hard as a bullet. It would just smash him and flatten him. It would tear down his throat and into his lungs; it would blow into his ears—”
“What a detailed imagination you have!” protested Steevens, who saw things vividly.
“What a vivid imagination you have!” protested Steevens, who saw things clearly.
“It’s a simple statement of the inevitable,” said the lieutenant.
“It’s a straightforward acknowledgment of what’s bound to happen,” said the lieutenant.
“And the globe?”
“And the world?”
“Would just give out a few little bubbles, and it would settle down comfortably against the day of judgment, among the oozes and the bottom clay—with poor Elstead spread over his own smashed cushions like butter over bread.”
“Would just create a few little bubbles, and it would settle down comfortably until the day of judgment, among the sludge and the bottom clay—with poor Elstead sprawled over his own crushed cushions like butter over bread.”
He repeated this sentence as though he liked it very much. “Like butter over bread,” he said.
He repeated this sentence as if he really liked it. “Like butter on bread,” he said.
“Having a look at the jigger?” said a voice, and Elstead stood behind them, spick and span in white, with a cigarette between his teeth, and his eyes smiling out of the shadow of his ample hat-brim. “What’s that about bread and butter, Weybridge? Grumbling as usual about the insufficient pay of naval officers? It won’t be more than a day now before I start. We are to get the slings ready to-day. This clean sky and gentle[74] swell is just the kind of thing for swinging off a dozen tons of lead and iron; isn’t it?”
“Checking out the jigger?” asked a voice, and Elstead stood behind them, looking sharp in white, with a cigarette between his teeth and a smile in his eyes peeking out from under the wide brim of his hat. “What’s this about bread and butter, Weybridge? Complaining again about the low pay for naval officers? It won’t be more than a day before I leave. We need to get the slings ready today. This clear sky and gentle[74] swell is just perfect for swinging off a dozen tons of lead and iron; don’t you think?”
“It won’t affect you much,” said Weybridge.
“It won’t bother you too much,” said Weybridge.
“No. Seventy or eighty feet down, and I shall be there in a dozen seconds, there’s not a particle moving, though the wind shriek itself hoarse up above, and the water lifts halfway to the clouds. No. Down there”— He moved to the side of the ship and the other two followed him. All three leant forward on their elbows and stared down into the yellow-green water.
“No. Seventy or eighty feet down, and I’ll be there in about a dozen seconds. There’s not a single thing moving, even though the wind is howling loudly up above, and the water rises halfway to the clouds. No. Down there”— He moved to the side of the ship, and the other two followed him. All three leaned forward on their elbows and stared down into the yellow-green water.
“Peace,” said Elstead, finishing his thought aloud.
“Peace,” Elstead said, completing his thought out loud.
“Are you dead certain that clockwork will act?” asked Weybridge presently.
“Are you absolutely sure that clockwork will work?” asked Weybridge after a moment.
“It has worked thirty-five times,” said Elstead. “It’s bound to work.”
“It has worked thirty-five times,” Elstead said. “It’s definitely going to work.”
“But if it doesn’t?”
“But what if it doesn’t?”
“Why shouldn’t it?”
"Why not?"
“I wouldn’t go down in that confounded thing,” said Weybridge, “for twenty thousand pounds.”
“I wouldn’t go down in that ridiculous thing,” said Weybridge, “for twenty thousand pounds.”
“Cheerful chap you are,” said Elstead, and spat sociably at a bubble below.
“Cheerful guy you are,” said Elstead, and casually spat at a bubble below.
“I don’t understand yet how you mean to work the thing,” said Steevens.
“I still don’t get how you plan to handle this,” said Steevens.
“In the first place, I’m screwed into the sphere,” said Elstead, “and when I’ve turned the electric light off and on three times to show I’m cheerful, I’m swung out over the stern by that crane, with all those big lead sinkers slung below me. The top lead weight has a roller carrying a hundred fathoms of strong cord rolled up, and that’s all that joins the sinkers to the sphere, except the slings that will be cut when the affair is dropped. We use cord rather[75] than wire rope because it’s easier to cut and more buoyant—necessary points, as you will see.
“In the first place, I’m locked into the sphere,” said Elstead, “and when I’ve turned the electric light off and on three times to show I’m happy, I’m swung out over the stern by that crane, with all those heavy lead weights hanging below me. The top lead weight has a roller with a hundred fathoms of strong cord wrapped up, and that’s all that connects the sinkers to the sphere, except for the slings that will be cut when the whole thing is dropped. We use cord instead of wire rope because it’s easier to cut and more buoyant—important points, as you’ll see.
“Through each of these lead weights you notice there is a hole, and an iron rod will be run through that and will project six feet on the lower side. If that rod is rammed up from below, it knocks up a lever and sets the clockwork in motion at the side of the cylinder on which the cord winds.
“Through each of these lead weights, you'll see a hole, and an iron rod will be passed through that and will stick out six feet on the bottom side. If that rod is pushed up from below, it hits a lever and starts the clockwork on the side of the cylinder where the cord winds.”
“Very well. The whole affair is lowered gently into the water, and the slings are cut. The sphere floats,—with the air in it, it’s lighter than water,—but the lead weights go down straight and the cord runs out. When the cord is all paid out, the sphere will go down too, pulled down by the cord.”
“Alright. The entire setup is carefully lowered into the water, and the slings are cut. The sphere floats—it's lighter than water because of the air inside—but the lead weights sink straight down, and the cord unwinds. Once the cord is fully unwound, the sphere will go down as well, pulled down by the cord.”
“But why the cord?” asked Steevens. “Why not fasten the weights directly to the sphere?”
“But why the cord?” Steevens asked. “Why not attach the weights directly to the sphere?”
“Because of the smash down below. The whole affair will go rushing down, mile after mile, at a headlong pace at last. It would be knocked to pieces on the bottom if it wasn’t for that cord. But the weights will hit the bottom, and directly they do, the buoyancy of the sphere will come into play. It will go on sinking slower and slower; come to a stop at last, and then begin to float upward again.
“Because of the crash down below. The whole thing will rush down, mile after mile, at a breakneck speed in the end. It would be shattered on the bottom if it weren’t for that cord. But the weights will hit the bottom, and as soon as they do, the buoyancy of the sphere will kick in. It will continue sinking slower and slower; eventually come to a stop, and then start to float back up again.”
“That’s where the clockwork comes in. Directly the weights smash against the sea bottom, the rod will be knocked through and will kick up the clockwork, and the cord will be rewound on the reel. I shall be lugged down to the sea bottom. There I shall stay for half an hour, with the electric light on, looking about me. Then the clockwork will release a spring knife, the cord will be cut, and up I shall[76] rush again, like a soda-water bubble. The cord itself will help the flotation.”
“That’s where the clockwork comes in. As soon as the weights hit the seabed, the rod will be pushed through and activate the clockwork, causing the cord to rewind on the reel. I’ll be pulled down to the seabed. I’ll stay there for half an hour with the electric light on, looking around. Then the clockwork will trigger a spring knife, the cord will be cut, and I’ll shoot back up like a soda-water bubble. The cord itself will assist with buoyancy.”
“And if you should chance to hit a ship?” said Weybridge.
“And what if you accidentally hit a ship?” said Weybridge.
“I should come up at such a pace, I should go clean through it,” said Elstead, “like a cannon ball. You needn’t worry about that.”
“I'll move so fast that I’ll go right through it,” said Elstead, “like a cannonball. You don’t need to worry about that.”
“And suppose some nimble crustacean should wriggle into your clockwork”—
“And imagine if some quick little crustacean crawled into your clockwork—”
“It would be a pressing sort of invitation for me to stop,” said Elstead, turning his back on the water and staring at the sphere.
“It would take a strong invitation for me to stop,” said Elstead, turning his back on the water and staring at the sphere.
They had swung Elstead overboard by eleven o’clock. The day was serenely bright and calm, with the horizon lost in haze. The electric glare in the little upper compartment beamed cheerfully three times. Then they let him down slowly to the surface of the water, and a sailor in the stern chains hung ready to cut the tackle that held the lead weights and the sphere together. The globe, which had looked so large on deck, looked the smallest thing conceivable under the stern of the ship. It rolled a little, and its two dark windows, which floated uppermost, seemed like eyes turned up in round wonderment at the people who crowded the rail. A voice wondered how Elstead liked the rolling. “Are you ready?” sang out the commander. “Ay, ay, sir!” “Then let her go!”
They had thrown Elstead overboard by eleven o’clock. The day was beautifully bright and calm, with the horizon fading into haze. The electric light in the small upper compartment flashed cheerfully three times. Then they lowered him slowly to the surface of the water, and a sailor at the stern was ready to cut the rope that held the lead weights and the sphere together. The globe, which had seemed so large on deck, looked tiny beneath the stern of the ship. It rolled slightly, and its two dark windows, floating on top, looked like eyes gazing up in round amazement at the crowd of people at the rail. Someone wondered how Elstead was handling the rolling. “Are you ready?” called out the commander. “Aye, aye, sir!” “Then let her go!”
The rope of the tackle tightened against the blade and was cut, and an eddy rolled over the globe in a grotesquely helpless fashion. Someone waved a handkerchief, someone else tried an ineffectual cheer,[77] a middy was counting slowly, “Eight, nine, ten!” Another roll, then with a jerk and a splash the thing righted itself.
The rope of the tackle tightened against the blade and snapped, causing an eddy to swirl around the globe in a bizarrely helpless way. One person waved a handkerchief, another attempted a weak cheer, [77] a middy was counting slowly, “Eight, nine, ten!” Another roll, then with a jerk and a splash, it righted itself.
It seemed to be stationary for a moment, to grow rapidly smaller, and then the water closed over it, and it became visible, enlarged by refraction and dimmer, below the surface. Before one could count three it had disappeared. There was a flicker of white light far down in the water, that diminished to a speck and vanished. Then there was nothing but a depth of water going down into blackness, through which a shark was swimming.
It seemed to pause for a moment, then quickly shrank, and then the water covered it, making it visible, distorted and dimmer, beneath the surface. Before you could count to three, it had vanished. There was a flicker of white light deep in the water, which faded to a tiny dot and disappeared. Then there was just a depth of water leading into darkness, through which a shark was swimming.
Then suddenly the screw of the cruiser began to rotate, the water was crickled, the shark disappeared in a wrinkled confusion, and a torrent of foam rushed across the crystalline clearness that had swallowed up Elstead. “What’s the idee?” said one A.B. to another.
Then suddenly the propeller of the cruiser started to spin, the water bubbled, the shark vanished in a flurry, and a wave of foam surged over the clear waters that had engulfed Elstead. “What’s the deal?” said one A.B. to another.
“We’re going to lay off about a couple of miles, ’fear he should hit us when he comes up,” said his mate.
“We’re going to move a couple of miles away, afraid he might hit us when he gets close,” his mate said.
The ship steamed slowly to her new position. Aboard her almost everyone who was unoccupied remained watching the breathing swell into which the sphere had sunk. For the next half-hour it is doubtful if a word was spoken that did not bear directly or indirectly on Elstead. The December sun was now high in the sky, and the heat very considerable.
The ship moved slowly to her new spot. Almost everyone on board who wasn’t busy stayed focused on the gentle swells where the sphere had gone under. For the next half hour, it’s uncertain if anyone said anything that didn’t relate directly or indirectly to Elstead. The December sun was now high in the sky, and it was quite hot.
“He’ll be cold enough down there,” said Weybridge. “They say that below a certain depth sea water’s always just about freezing.”
“He’ll be cold enough down there,” said Weybridge. “They say that below a certain depth, seawater is always pretty much freezing.”
“Where’ll he come up?” asked Steevens. “I’ve lost my bearings.”
“Where's he going to show up?” Steevens asked. “I’ve lost my sense of direction.”
“That’s the spot,” said the commander, who prided himself on his omniscience. He extended a precise finger south-eastward. “And this, I reckon, is pretty nearly the moment,” he said. “He’s been thirty-five minutes.”
“That’s the spot,” said the commander, who took pride in knowing everything. He pointed accurately to the southeast. “And I think this is just about the moment,” he said. “He’s been gone for thirty-five minutes.”
“How long does it take to reach the bottom of the ocean?” asked Steevens.
“How long does it take to get to the bottom of the ocean?” asked Steevens.
“For a depth of five miles, and reckoning—as we did—an acceleration of two feet per second, both ways, is just about three-quarters of a minute.”
“For a depth of five miles, and considering—as we did—an acceleration of two feet per second, in both directions, it’s roughly three-quarters of a minute.”
“Then he’s overdue,” said Weybridge.
"Then he's late," said Weybridge.
“Pretty nearly,” said the commander. “I suppose it takes a few minutes for that cord of his to wind in.”
“Pretty much,” said the commander. “I guess it takes a few minutes for that cord of his to wind in.”
“I forgot that,” said Weybridge, evidently relieved.
“I forgot that,” Weybridge said, looking clearly relieved.
And then began the suspense. A minute slowly dragged itself out, and no sphere shot out of the water. Another followed, and nothing broke the low oily swell. The sailors explained to one another that little point about the winding-in of the cord. The rigging was dotted with expectant faces. “Come up, Elstead!” called one hairy-chested salt impatiently, and the others caught it up, and shouted as though they were waiting for the curtain of a theatre to rise.
And then the suspense began. A minute slowly dragged on, and no sphere emerged from the water. Another minute passed, and still nothing disturbed the low, oily swell. The sailors discussed among themselves that little detail about reeling in the cord. The rigging was filled with eager faces. “Come up, Elstead!” shouted one impatient sailor, and the others echoed him, yelling as if they were waiting for the curtain to rise in a theater.
The commander glanced irritably at them.
The commander shot them an annoyed look.
“Of course, if the acceleration’s less than two,” he said, “he’ll be all the longer. We aren’t absolutely certain that was the proper figure. I’m no slavish believer in calculations.”
“Sure, if the acceleration is less than two,” he said, “he’ll take longer. We’re not completely sure that was the right number. I’m not a blind follower of calculations.”
Steevens agreed concisely. No one on the quarter-deck spoke for a couple of minutes. Then Steevens’ watchcase clicked.
Steevens nodded briefly. No one on the quarter-deck said anything for a couple of minutes. Then Steevens' watch case clicked.
When, twenty-one minutes after, the sun reached the zenith, they were still waiting for the globe to reappear, and not a man aboard had dared to whisper that hope was dead. It was Weybridge who first gave expression to that realisation. He spoke while the sound of eight bells still hung in the air. “I always distrusted that window,” he said quite suddenly to Steevens.
When, twenty-one minutes later, the sun was at its peak, they were still waiting for the globe to show up, and not a single person on board had dared to suggest that hope was lost. It was Weybridge who first voiced that understanding. He spoke while the sound of eight bells still lingered in the air. “I’ve always been suspicious of that window,” he said abruptly to Steevens.
“Good God!” said Steevens; “you don’t think—?”
“Good God!” Steevens said; “you don’t think—?”
“Well!” said Weybridge, and left the rest to his imagination.
“Well!” said Weybridge, leaving the rest to his imagination.
“I’m no great believer in calculations myself,” said the commander dubiously, “so that I’m not altogether hopeless yet.” And at midnight the gunboat was steaming slowly in a spiral round the spot where the globe had sunk, and the white beam of the electric light fled and halted and swept discontentedly onward again over the waste of phosphorescent waters under the little stars.
“I’m not really into calculations myself,” said the commander with uncertainty, “so I’m not completely lost yet.” And at midnight, the gunboat was slowly circling the area where the globe had gone down, the white beam of the electric light darting, pausing, and then sweeping restlessly onward over the expanse of glowing waters beneath the small stars.
“If his window hasn’t burst and smashed him,” said Weybridge, “then it’s a cursed sight worse, for his clockwork has gone wrong, and he’s alive now, five miles under our feet, down there in the cold and dark, anchored in that little bubble of his, where never a ray of light has shone or a human being lived, since the waters were gathered together. He’s there without food, feeling hungry and thirsty and scared, wondering whether he’ll starve or stifle. Which will it be? The Myers apparatus is running out, I suppose. How long do they last?”
“If his window hasn’t burst and killed him,” said Weybridge, “then it’s a hell of a lot worse, because his clockwork has malfunctioned, and he’s alive now, five miles beneath us, down there in the cold and dark, trapped in that little bubble of his, where no ray of light has ever shined and no human has lived since the waters were gathered together. He’s down there without food, feeling hungry, thirsty, and scared, wondering whether he’ll starve or suffocate. Which one will it be? The Myers apparatus is running low, I guess. How long do they last?”
“Good heavens!” he exclaimed; “what little things we are! What daring little devils! Down[80] there, miles and miles of water—all water, and all this empty water about us and this sky. Gulfs!” He threw his hands out, and as he did so, a little white streak swept noiselessly up the sky, travelled more slowly, stopped, became a motionless dot, as though a new star had fallen up into the sky. Then it went sliding back again and lost itself amidst the reflections of the stars and the white haze of the sea’s phosphorescence.
“Good heavens!” he exclaimed; “what tiny creatures we are! What bold little devils! Down[80] there, miles and miles of water—all water, and all this vast emptiness around us and this sky. Gulfs!” He stretched out his arms, and as he did, a little white streak silently shot up into the sky, traveled more slowly, paused, and became a still dot, as if a new star had just fallen into the sky. Then it slid back down and disappeared among the reflections of the stars and the white haze of the sea’s phosphorescence.
At the sight he stopped, arm extended and mouth open. He shut his mouth, opened it again, and waved his arms with an impatient gesture. Then he turned, shouted “El-stead ahoy!” to the first watch, and went at a run to Lindley and the search-light. “I saw him,” he said. “Starboard there! His light’s on, and he’s just shot out of the water. Bring the light round. We ought to see him drifting, when he lifts on the swell.”
At the sight, he stopped, arm outstretched and mouth open. He closed his mouth, opened it again, and waved his arms impatiently. Then he turned, shouted “El-stead, ahoy!” to the first watch, and ran over to Lindley and the searchlight. “I saw him,” he said. “Over there on the starboard! His light’s on, and he just shot out of the water. Bring the light around. We should see him drifting when he rises on the swell.”
But they never picked up the explorer until dawn. Then they almost ran him down. The crane was swung out and a boat’s crew hooked the chain to the sphere. When they had shipped the sphere, they unscrewed the manhole and peered into the darkness of the interior (for the electric light chamber was intended to illuminate the water about the sphere, and was shut off entirely from its general cavity).
But they didn't retrieve the explorer until dawn. Then they nearly ran him over. The crane was extended, and a crew from the boat attached the chain to the sphere. Once they had secured the sphere, they unscrewed the manhole and looked into the dark interior (since the electric light chamber was meant to light up the water around the sphere and was completely shut off from its main cavity).
The air was very hot within the cavity, and the indiarubber at the lip of the manhole was soft. There was no answer to their eager questions and no sound of movement within. Elstead seemed to be lying motionless, crumpled up in the bottom of the globe. The ship’s doctor crawled in and lifted him out to the men outside. For a moment or so[81] they did not know whether Elstead was alive or dead. His face, in the yellow light of the ship’s lamps, glistened with perspiration. They carried him down to his own cabin.
The air inside the cavity was extremely hot, and the rubber at the edge of the manhole was soft. There was no response to their eager questions and no sounds coming from within. Elstead appeared to be lying completely still, crumpled up at the bottom of the globe. The ship’s doctor crawled in and pulled him out to the waiting men outside. For a moment, they couldn’t tell if Elstead was alive or dead. His face, illuminated by the yellow light of the ship’s lamps, was covered in sweat. They carried him down to his cabin.
He was not dead, they found, but in a state of absolute nervous collapse, and besides cruelly bruised. For some days he had to lie perfectly still. It was a week before he could tell his experiences.
He wasn't dead, as they discovered, but in a complete state of nervous breakdown, and also badly bruised. He had to lie completely still for several days. It took a week before he could share his experiences.
Almost his first words were that he was going down again. The sphere would have to be altered, he said, in order to allow him to throw off the cord if need be, and that was all. He had had the most marvellous experience. “You thought I should find nothing but ooze,” he said. “You laughed at my explorations, and I’ve discovered a new world!” He told his story in disconnected fragments, and chiefly from the wrong end, so that it is impossible to re-tell it in his words. But what follows is the narrative of his experience.
Almost his first words were that he was going down again. He said the sphere would need to be modified so he could cut the cord if necessary, and that was it. He had the most amazing experience. “You thought I’d find nothing but mud,” he said. “You laughed at my explorations, and I’ve discovered a new world!” He shared his story in bits and pieces, mostly from the wrong angle, making it impossible to recount it in his own words. But what follows is the narrative of his experience.
It began atrociously, he said. Before the cord ran out, the thing kept rolling over. He felt like a frog in a football. He could see nothing but the crane and the sky overhead, with an occasional glimpse of the people on the ship’s rail. He couldn’t tell a bit which way the thing would roll next. Suddenly he would find his feet going up, and try to step, and over he went rolling, head over heels, and just anyhow, on the padding. Any other shape would have been more comfortable, but no other shape was to be relied upon under the huge pressure of the nethermost abyss.
It started off terribly, he said. Before the cord ran out, it just kept flipping over. He felt like a frog in a football. All he could see was the crane and the sky above, with a few glimpses of the people on the ship's railing. He had no idea which way it would roll next. Suddenly, his feet would go up, he'd try to step, and down he went rolling, head over heels, just tumbling around on the padding. Any other shape would’ve been more comfortable, but no other shape could be trusted under the immense pressure of the deepest abyss.
Suddenly the swaying ceased; the globe righted, and when he had picked himself up, he saw the[82] water all about him greeny-blue, with an attenuated light filtering down from above, and a shoal of little floating things went rushing up past him, as it seemed to him, towards the light. And even as he looked, it grew darker and darker, until the water above was as dark as the midnight sky, albeit of a greener shade, and the water below black. And little transparent things in the water developed a faint glint of luminosity, and shot past him in faint greenish streaks.
Suddenly, the swaying stopped; the globe steadied, and as he got up, he noticed the[82] water all around him was a greenish-blue, with a faint light filtering down from above. A school of small, floating creatures rushed past him, seemingly heading toward the light. As he watched, it became darker and darker, until the water above was as dark as a midnight sky, though with a greener hue, and the water below turned black. Some tiny transparent creatures in the water began to emit a faint glow, zipping past him in soft greenish streaks.
And the feeling of falling! It was just like the start of a lift, he said, only it kept on. One has to imagine what that means, that keeping on. It was then of all times that Elstead repented of his adventure. He saw the chances against him in an altogether new light. He thought of the big cuttlefish people knew to exist in the middle waters, the kind of things they find half digested in whales at times, or floating dead and rotten and half eaten by fish. Suppose one caught hold and wouldn’t let go. And had the clockwork really been sufficiently tested? But whether he wanted to go on or to go back mattered not the slightest now.
And the feeling of falling! It was just like the start of an elevator, he said, but it just kept going. You have to imagine what that means, that endless drop. It was right then that Elstead regretted his adventure the most. He saw the odds stacked against him in a completely different way. He thought about the giant cuttlefish that people knew lived in the deep waters, the kind of things that sometimes get found half-digested in whales, or floating dead and rotting, half-eaten by fish. What if one grabbed hold and wouldn't let go? And had the machinery really been tested enough? But whether he wanted to move forward or go back didn’t matter in the slightest anymore.
In fifty seconds everything was as black as night outside, except where the beam from his light struck through the waters, and picked out every now and then some fish or scrap of sinking matter. They flashed by too fast for him to see what they were. Once he thinks he passed a shark. And then the sphere began to get hot by friction against the water. They had underestimated this, it seems.
In fifty seconds, everything outside was pitch black, except where the beam from his light cut through the water, highlighting a fish or a piece of debris now and then. They rushed by too quickly for him to identify them. He thinks he might have spotted a shark. Then the sphere started to heat up due to friction with the water. It seems they had underestimated this.
The first thing he noticed was that he was perspiring, and then he heard a hissing growing louder[83] under his feet, and saw a lot of little bubbles—very little bubbles they were—rushing upward like a fan through the water outside. Steam! He felt the window, and it was hot. He turned on the minute glow-lamp that lit his own cavity, looked at the padded watch by the studs, and saw he had been travelling now for two minutes. It came into his head that the window would crack through the conflict of temperatures, for he knew the bottom water is very near freezing.
The first thing he noticed was that he was sweating, and then he heard a hissing sound getting louder[83] beneath his feet and saw a bunch of tiny bubbles—very tiny bubbles—rising up like a fan through the water outside. Steam! He touched the window, and it was hot. He turned on the small glow-lamp that lit up his space, glanced at the padded watch by the studs, and saw he had been traveling for two minutes. It occurred to him that the window might crack because of the temperature difference, since he knew the water at the bottom was very close to freezing.
Then suddenly the floor of the sphere seemed to press against his feet, the rush of bubbles outside grew slower and slower, and the hissing diminished. The sphere rolled a little. The window had not cracked, nothing had given, and he knew that the dangers of sinking, at anyrate, were over.
Then suddenly the floor of the sphere felt like it was pressing against his feet, the rush of bubbles outside grew slower and slower, and the hissing faded away. The sphere rolled a bit. The window hadn’t cracked, nothing had broken, and he realized that the threats of sinking, at least, were behind him.
In another minute or so he would be on the floor of the abyss. He thought, he said, of Steevens and Weybridge and the rest of them five miles overhead, higher to him than the very highest clouds that ever floated over land are to us, steaming slowly and staring down and wondering what had happened to him.
In another minute or so, he'd be on the floor of the abyss. He thought about Steevens and Weybridge and the others five miles above him, higher than the highest clouds that ever drifted over land are to us, slowly steaming and looking down, wondering what had happened to him.
He peered out of the window. There were no more bubbles now, and the hissing had stopped. Outside there was a heavy blackness—as black as black velvet—except where the electric light pierced the empty water and showed the colour of it—a yellow-green. Then three things like shapes of fire swam into sight, following each other through the water. Whether they were little and near or big and far off he could not tell.
He looked out the window. There were no more bubbles now, and the hissing had stopped. Outside, it was a deep darkness—black as velvet—except where the electric light broke through the empty water, revealing its yellow-green color. Then three fire-like shapes appeared, moving in a line through the water. He couldn’t tell if they were small and close or large and far away.
Each was outlined in a bluish light almost as[84] bright as the lights of a fishing smack, a light which seemed to be smoking greatly, and all along the sides of them were specks of this, like the lighter portholes of a ship. Their phosphorescence seemed to go out as they came into the radiance of his lamp, and he saw then that they were little fish of some strange sort, with huge heads, vast eyes, and dwindling bodies and tails. Their eyes were turned towards him, and he judged they were following him down. He supposed they were attracted by his glare.
Each was outlined in a bluish light almost as[84] bright as the lights of a fishing boat, a light that looked like it was smoldering a lot, and scattered along the sides of them were bits of this, similar to the lighter portholes of a ship. Their glow seemed to fade as they entered the brightness of his lamp, and he then realized that they were small fish of some unusual kind, with big heads, large eyes, and skinny bodies and tails. Their eyes were fixed on him, and he thought they were following him down. He figured they were drawn to his brightness.
Presently others of the same sort joined them. As he went on down, he noticed that the water became of a pallid colour, and that little specks twinkled in his ray like motes in a sunbeam. This was probably due to the clouds of ooze and mud that the impact of his leaden sinkers had disturbed.
Currently, others like them joined in. As he continued downward, he noticed that the water turned a pale color, and tiny specks shone in his light like dust in a sunbeam. This was likely caused by the clouds of silt and mud that his heavy weights had stirred up.
By the time he was drawn down to the lead weights he was in a dense fog of white that his electric light failed altogether to pierce for more than a few yards, and many minutes elapsed before the hanging sheets of sediment subsided to any extent. Then, lit by his light and by the transient phosphorescence of a distant shoal of fishes, he was able to see under the huge blackness of the super-incumbent water an undulating expanse of greyish-white ooze, broken here and there by tangled thickets of a growth of sea lilies, waving hungry tentacles in the air.
By the time he was weighed down by the lead weights, he found himself in a thick fog of white that his electric light couldn’t penetrate for more than a few yards, and it took several minutes for the hanging sheets of sediment to settle at all. Then, illuminated by his light and the fleeting glow of a distant school of fish, he could see beneath the enormous darkness of the water an undulating stretch of greyish-white muck, interrupted here and there by tangled clusters of sea lilies, waving their eager tentacles in the water.
Farther away were the graceful, translucent outlines of a group of gigantic sponges. About this floor there were scattered a number of bristling flattish tufts of rich purple and black, which he decided must be some sort of sea-urchin, and small,[85] large-eyed or blind things having a curious resemblance, some to woodlice, and others to lobsters, crawled sluggishly across the track of the light and vanished into the obscurity again, leaving furrowed trails behind them.
Farther away were the graceful, see-through shapes of a group of giant sponges. Scattered around the floor were some bristly, flat tufts of rich purple and black, which he figured must be some type of sea urchin. Small, big-eyed or blind creatures that looked somewhat like woodlice and some like lobsters crawled slowly across the path of the light and disappeared into the darkness again, leaving behind furrowed trails. [85]
Then suddenly the hovering swarm of little fishes veered about and came towards him as a flight of starlings might do. They passed over him like a phosphorescent snow, and then he saw behind them some larger creature advancing towards the sphere.
Then suddenly the group of little fish changed direction and came toward him like a flock of starlings might. They flew over him like glowing snow, and then he noticed that a larger creature was approaching the sphere behind them.
At first he could see it only dimly, a faintly moving figure remotely suggestive of a walking man, and then it came into the spray of light that the lamp shot out. As the glare struck it, it shut its eyes, dazzled. He stared in rigid astonishment.
At first, he could only see it vaguely, a barely visible figure that somewhat resembled a person walking, and then it stepped into the beam of light from the lamp. As the brightness hit it, it closed its eyes, blinded. He stared in shock and disbelief.
It was a strange vertebrated animal. Its dark purple head was dimly suggestive of a chameleon, but it had such a high forehead and such a braincase as no reptile ever displayed before; the vertical pitch of its face gave it a most extraordinary resemblance to a human being.
It was a strange vertebrate creature. Its dark purple head vaguely resembled a chameleon, but it had an unusually high forehead and a braincase like no reptile had ever shown before; the vertical angle of its face made it look remarkably similar to a human being.
Two large and protruding eyes projected from sockets in chameleon fashion, and it had a broad reptilian mouth with horny lips beneath its little nostrils. In the position of the ears were two huge gill-covers, and out of these floated a branching tree of coralline filaments, almost like the tree-like gills that very young rays and sharks possess.
Two large and bulging eyes stuck out from their sockets in a chameleon-like way, and it had a wide reptilian mouth with tough lips beneath its small nostrils. Instead of ears, there were two massive gill covers, and from these floated a branching structure of coral-like filaments, resembling the tree-like gills found in very young rays and sharks.
But the humanity of the face was not the most extraordinary thing about the creature. It was a biped; its almost globular body was poised on a tripod of two frog-like legs and a long thick tail, and its fore limbs, which grotesquely caricatured the[86] human hand, much as a frog’s do, carried a long shaft of bone, tipped with copper. The colour of the creature was variegated; its head, hands, and legs were purple; but its skin, which hung loosely upon it, even as clothes might do, was a phosphorescent grey. And it stood there blinded by the light.
But the human-like quality of the face wasn’t the most remarkable thing about the creature. It walked on two legs; its almost round body balanced on a tripod of two frog-like legs and a long thick tail, and its forelimbs, which grotesquely resembled the human hand, much like a frog’s, held a long shaft of bone tipped with copper. The creature's colors were varied; its head, hands, and legs were purple, but its skin, which hung loosely like clothing, was a glowing grey. And it stood there, blinded by the light.
At last this unknown creature of the abyss blinked its eyes open, and, shading them with its disengaged hand, opened its mouth and gave vent to a shouting noise, articulate almost as speech might be, that penetrated even the steel case and padded jacket of the sphere. How a shouting may be accomplished without lungs Elstead does not profess to explain. It then moved sideways out of the glare into the mystery of shadow that bordered it on either side, and Elstead felt rather than saw that it was coming towards him. Fancying the light had attracted it, he turned the switch that cut off the current. In another moment something soft dabbed upon the steel, and the globe swayed.
At last, this unknown creature from the depths blinked its eyes open. Shielding them with its free hand, it opened its mouth and let out a loud noise, almost like speech, that penetrated even the steel casing and padded lining of the sphere. Elstead couldn’t explain how it could shout without lungs. It then moved sideways out of the bright light into the shadows on either side, and Elstead felt, rather than saw, that it was coming closer to him. Thinking the light had attracted it, he flipped the switch to cut off the power. In another moment, something soft hit the steel, and the globe swayed.
Then the shouting was repeated, and it seemed to him that a distant echo answered it. The dabbing recurred, and the globe swayed and ground against the spindle over which the wire was rolled. He stood in the blackness and peered out into the everlasting night of the abyss. And presently he saw, very faint and remote, other phosphorescent quasi-human forms hurrying towards him.
Then the shouting happened again, and it felt like a distant echo was responding. The dabbing started up again, and the globe swayed and rubbed against the spindle where the wire was wound. He stood in the darkness and looked out into the endless night of the abyss. Soon, he saw, very faint and far away, other glowing, almost-human figures rushing towards him.
Hardly knowing what he did, he felt about in his swaying prison for the stud of the exterior electric light, and came by accident against his own small[87] glow-lamp in its padded recess. The sphere twisted, and then threw him down; he heard shouts like shouts of surprise, and when he rose to his feet, he saw two pairs of stalked eyes peering into the lower window and reflecting his light.
Hardly aware of his actions, he groped around in his swaying cage for the exterior electric light switch and accidentally bumped into his own small[87] glow-lamp in its padded spot. The bulb twisted, then knocked him down; he heard shouts that sounded like surprise, and when he got back up, he saw two pairs of long, staring eyes looking into the lower window, reflecting his light.
In another moment hands were dabbing vigorously at his steel casing, and there was a sound, horrible enough in his position, of the metal protection of the clockwork being vigorously hammered. That, indeed, sent his heart into his mouth, for if these strange creatures succeeded in stopping that, his release would never occur. Scarcely had he thought as much when he felt the sphere sway violently, and the floor of it press hard against his feet. He turned off the small glow-lamp that lit the interior, and sent the ray of the large light in the separate compartment out into the water. The sea-floor and the man-like creatures had disappeared, and a couple of fish chasing each other dropped suddenly by the window.
In a moment, hands were frantically hitting his steel casing, and there was a sound, terrifying given his situation, of the metal protection of the clockwork being hammered hard. That really made his heart race, because if these strange beings managed to stop it, he would never be freed. Just as he thought this, he felt the sphere sway violently, and the floor pressed hard against his feet. He turned off the small glow lamp that illuminated the inside and sent the beam of the larger light in the separate compartment out into the water. The sea floor and the humanoid creatures had vanished, and a couple of fish darting around suddenly appeared by the window.
He thought at once that these strange denizens of the deep sea had broken the rope, and that he had escaped. He drove up faster and faster, and then stopped with a jerk that sent him flying against the padded roof of his prison. For half a minute, perhaps, he was too astonished to think.
He immediately thought that these unusual creatures from the deep sea had cut the rope and that he had gotten away. He accelerated faster and faster, then stopped abruptly, causing him to slam against the padded roof of his confinement. For about half a minute, he was too shocked to think.
Then he felt that the sphere was spinning slowly, and rocking, and it seemed to him that it was also being drawn through the water. By crouching close to the window, he managed to make his weight effective and roll that part of the sphere downward, but he could see nothing save the pale ray of his light striking down ineffectively into the darkness.[88] It occurred to him that he would see more if he turned the lamp off, and allowed his eyes to grow accustomed to the profound obscurity.
Then he felt the sphere spinning slowly and rocking, and it seemed to him that it was also being pulled through the water. By crouching close to the window, he managed to use his weight effectively and roll that part of the sphere downward, but he could see nothing except the faint beam of his light cutting uselessly into the darkness.[88] It occurred to him that he would see more if he turned off the lamp and let his eyes adjust to the deep darkness.
In this he was wise. After some minutes the velvety blackness became a translucent blackness, and then, far away, and as faint as the zodiacal light of an English summer evening, he saw shapes moving below. He judged these creatures had detached his cable, and were towing him along the sea bottom.
In this, he showed wisdom. After a few minutes, the deep blackness turned into a semi-transparent dark, and then, in the distance, as faint as the zodiacal light on an English summer evening, he noticed shapes moving below. He figured these creatures had unhooked his cable and were dragging him along the seabed.
And then he saw something faint and remote across the undulations of the submarine plain, a broad horizon of pale luminosity that extended this way and that way as far as the range of his little window permitted him to see. To this he was being towed, as a balloon might be towed by men out of the open country into a town. He approached it very slowly, and very slowly the dim irradiation was gathered together into more definite shapes.
And then he saw something faint and distant across the waves of the underwater plain, a wide horizon of soft light that stretched out in both directions as far as his small window would allow him to see. He was being pulled towards it, like a balloon being towed by people from the countryside into a town. He moved closer very slowly, and gradually the dim glow came together into more distinct shapes.
It was nearly five o’clock before he came over this luminous area, and by that time he could make out an arrangement suggestive of streets and houses grouped about a vast roofless erection that was grotesquely suggestive of a ruined abbey. It was spread out like a map below him. The houses were all roofless enclosures of walls, and their substance being, as he afterwards saw, of phosphorescent bones, gave the place an appearance as if it were built of drowned moonshine.
It was almost five o’clock when he arrived at this bright area, and by then he could see a layout resembling streets and houses surrounding a huge roofless structure that looked oddly like a ruined abbey. It spread out like a map beneath him. The houses were all just walled enclosures without roofs, and their material, as he later discovered, was made of glowing bones, which gave the place the look of being constructed from drowned moonlight.
Among the inner caves of the place waving trees of crinoid stretched their tentacles, and tall, slender, glassy sponges shot like shining minarets[89] and lilies of filmy light out of the general glow of the city. In the open spaces of the place he could see a stirring movement as of crowds of people, but he was too many fathoms above them to distinguish the individuals in those crowds.
Among the inner caves of the place, waving crinoid trees stretched their tentacles, and tall, slender, glassy sponges shot up like shining minarets[89] and lilies of filmy light from the overall glow of the city. In the open spaces of the place, he could see a bustling movement like that of crowds, but he was too many fathoms above them to make out the individual people in those crowds.
Then slowly they pulled him down, and as they did so, the details of the place crept slowly upon his apprehension. He saw that the courses of the cloudy buildings were marked out with beaded lines of round objects, and then he perceived that at several points below him, in broad open spaces, were forms like the encrusted shapes of ships.
Then slowly they pulled him down, and as they did, the details of the place gradually became clear to him. He noticed that the outlines of the cloudy buildings were outlined with beaded lines of round objects, and then he saw that at several points below him, in wide open areas, there were shapes resembling the rugged forms of ships.
Slowly and surely he was drawn down, and the forms below him became brighter, clearer, more distinct. He was being pulled down, he perceived, towards the large building in the centre of the town, and he could catch a glimpse ever and again of the multitudinous forms that were lugging at his cord. He was astonished to see that the rigging of one of the ships, which formed such a prominent feature of the place, was crowded with a host of gesticulating figures regarding him, and then the walls of the great building rose about him silently, and hid the city from his eyes.
Slowly but surely, he was being pulled down, and the shapes below him became brighter, clearer, and more defined. He realized he was being drawn toward the large building in the center of town, and he could occasionally catch a glimpse of the countless figures tugging at his cord. He was surprised to see that the rigging of one of the ships, which was such a noticeable aspect of the area, was filled with a crowd of waving figures looking at him. Then the walls of the large building rose silently around him, blocking the view of the city.
And such walls they were, of water-logged wood, and twisted wire-rope, and iron spars, and copper, and the bones and skulls of dead men. The skulls ran in zigzag lines and spirals and fantastic curves over the building; and in and out of their eye-sockets, and over the whole surface of the place, lurked and played a multitude of silvery little fishes.
And those walls were made of waterlogged wood, twisted wire rope, iron beams, and copper, along with the bones and skulls of dead men. The skulls lined up in zigzag patterns, spirals, and crazy curves all over the building; and in and out of their eye sockets, and across the entire surface of the place, swarmed and darted a bunch of tiny silvery fish.
Suddenly his ears were filled with a low shouting and a noise like the violent blowing of horns, and[90] this gave place to a fantastic chant. Down the sphere sank, past the huge pointed windows, through which he saw vaguely a great number of these strange, ghostlike people regarding him, and at last he came to rest, as it seemed, on a kind of altar that stood in the centre of the place.
Suddenly, his ears were filled with loud shouting and a noise like a forceful blast of horns, and[90] this gave way to a bizarre chant. The sphere descended past the large pointed windows, through which he vaguely saw a large group of these strange, ghostly figures staring at him, and finally, it seemed to settle onto a sort of altar that stood in the center of the place.
And now he was at such a level that he could see these strange people of the abyss plainly once more. To his astonishment, he perceived that they were prostrating themselves before him, all save one, dressed as it seemed in a robe of placoid scales, and crowned with a luminous diadem, who stood with his reptilian mouth opening and shutting, as though he led the chanting of the worshippers.
And now he was at a point where he could clearly see these strange people from the depths again. To his surprise, he noticed that they were bowing down before him, except for one who seemed to be wearing a robe made of smooth scales and was crowned with a glowing crown. This one stood there, with his reptilian mouth opening and closing as if he was directing the chanting of the worshippers.
A curious impulse made Elstead turn on his small glow-lamp again, so that he became visible to these creatures of the abyss, albeit the glare made them disappear forthwith into night. At this sudden sight of him, the chanting gave place to a tumult of exultant shouts; and Elstead, being anxious to watch them, turned his light off again, and vanished from before their eyes. But for a time he was too blind to make out what they were doing, and when at last he could distinguish them, they were kneeling again. And thus they continued worshipping him, without rest or intermission, for the space of three hours.
A curious urge made Elstead turn his small glow lamp back on, making himself visible to these creatures of the abyss, though the brightness caused them to quickly vanish into the darkness. At the sudden sight of him, the chanting shifted to a chaotic burst of excited shouts; wanting to observe them better, Elstead turned off his light again and disappeared from their view. For a while, he was too blinded to see what they were doing, but when he finally could make them out, they were kneeling once more. They continued to worship him without pause or break for three hours.
Most circumstantial was Elstead’s account of this astounding city and its people, these people of perpetual night, who have never seen sun or moon or stars, green vegetation, nor any living, air-breathing creatures, who know nothing of fire, nor any light but the phosphorescent light of living things.
Most compelling was Elstead’s description of this incredible city and its inhabitants, these people of constant darkness, who have never seen the sun, moon, or stars, green plants, or any living creatures that breathe air, who are unaware of fire and know only the glow of bioluminescent beings.
Startling as is his story, it is yet more startling to find that scientific men, of such eminence as Adams and Jenkins, find nothing incredible in it. They tell me they see no reason why intelligent, water-breathing, vertebrated creatures, inured to a low temperature and enormous pressure, and of such a heavy structure, that neither alive nor dead would they float, might not live upon the bottom of the deep sea, and quite unsuspected by us, descendants like ourselves of the great Theriomorpha of the New Red Sandstone age.
As surprising as his story is, it’s even more surprising that prominent scientists like Adams and Jenkins find it believable. They say they see no reason why intelligent, water-breathing, vertebrate creatures, adapted to extreme cold and tremendous pressure, and so heavy that they wouldn't float whether alive or dead, couldn't live on the ocean floor, completely unnoticed by us, as descendants of the great Theriomorpha from the New Red Sandstone era.
We should be known to them, however, as strange, meteoric creatures, wont to fall catastrophically dead out of the mysterious blackness of their watery sky. And not only we ourselves, but our ships, our metals, our appliances, would come raining down out of the night. Sometimes sinking things would smite down and crush them, as if it were the judgment of some unseen power above, and sometimes would come things of the utmost rarity or utility, or shapes of inspiring suggestion. One can understand, perhaps, something of their behaviour at the descent of a living man, if one thinks what a barbaric people might do, to whom an enhaloed, shining creature came suddenly out of the sky.
We should appear to them as odd, meteor-like beings, prone to falling dramatically and dead from the mysterious darkness of their watery sky. And not just we ourselves, but also our ships, our metals, our gadgets, would rain down from the night. Sometimes, sinking objects would come crashing down and crush them, as if it were the judgment of some unseen force above, and sometimes incredibly rare or useful items, or inspiring shapes, would descend. One can understand, perhaps, their reaction to the arrival of a living person, if they consider what a primitive culture might do when a glowing, radiant being suddenly appeared from the sky.
At one time or another Elstead probably told the officers of the Ptarmigan every detail of his strange twelve hours in the abyss. That he also intended to write them down is certain, but he never did, and so unhappily we have to piece together the discrepant fragments of his story from the reminiscences of Commander Simmons, Weybridge, Steevens, Lindley, and the others.
At some point, Elstead likely shared with the crew of the Ptarmigan every detail of his bizarre twelve hours in the void. He also intended to write it all down, but he never did. Unfortunately, we have to piece together the conflicting parts of his story from the memories of Commander Simmons, Weybridge, Steevens, Lindley, and others.
We see the thing darkly in fragmentary glimpses—the huge ghostly building, the bowing, chanting people, with their dark chameleon-like heads and faintly luminous clothing, and Elstead, with his light turned on again, vainly trying to convey to their minds that the cord by which the sphere was held was to be severed. Minute after minute slipped away, and Elstead, looking at his watch, was horrified to find that he had oxygen only for four hours more. But the chant in his honour kept on as remorselessly as if it was the marching song of his approaching death.
We see things vaguely in brief flashes—the massive, eerie building, the bowing, chanting crowd with their dark, shifting heads and softly glowing clothes, and Elstead, with his light back on, desperately trying to get them to understand that the cord holding the sphere needed to be cut. Minute after minute passed by, and Elstead, glancing at his watch, was shocked to realize he only had oxygen left for four more hours. But the chant in his honor continued relentlessly, like the march of his impending death.
The manner of his release he does not understand, but to judge by the end of cord that hung from the sphere, it had been cut through by rubbing against the edge of the altar. Abruptly the sphere rolled over, and he swept up, out of their world, as an ethereal creature clothed in a vacuum would sweep through our own atmosphere back to its native ether again. He must have torn out of their sight as a hydrogen bubble hastens upward from our air. A strange ascension it must have seemed to them.
The way he was released makes no sense to him, but judging by the frayed end of the cord that was attached to the sphere, it must have been severed by rubbing against the edge of the altar. Suddenly, the sphere rolled over, and he was swept up, out of their world, like an ethereal being wrapped in a vacuum gliding through our atmosphere back to its own ether. He must have vanished from their view like a hydrogen bubble rising rapidly from our air. It must have seemed like a surreal ascension to them.
The sphere rushed up with even greater velocity than, when weighted with the lead sinkers, it had rushed down. It became exceedingly hot. It drove up with the windows uppermost, and he remembers the torrent of bubbles frothing against the glass. Every moment he expected this to fly. Then suddenly something like a huge wheel seemed to be released in his head, the padded compartment began spinning about him, and he fainted. His next recollection was of his cabin, and of the doctor’s voice.
The sphere shot up even faster than it had plunged down when it was weighed down with lead sinkers. It got extremely hot. It shot up with the windows on top, and he remembers the rush of bubbles bubbling against the glass. Every second he expected this to burst. Then suddenly, something like a huge wheel seemed to snap in his head, the padded compartment started spinning around him, and he passed out. His next memory was of his cabin and the doctor’s voice.
But that is the substance of the extraordinary[93] story that Elstead related in fragments to the officers of the Ptarmigan. He promised to write it all down at a later date. His mind was chiefly occupied with the improvement of his apparatus, which was effected at Rio.
But that's the essence of the amazing[93] story that Elstead shared in pieces with the officers of the Ptarmigan. He promised to write it all down later. His main focus was on upgrading his equipment, which he did in Rio.
It remains only to tell that on February 2, 1896, he made his second descent into the ocean abyss, with the improvements his first experience suggested. What happened we shall probably never know. He never returned. The Ptarmigan beat about over the point of his submersion, seeking him in vain for thirteen days. Then she returned to Rio, and the news was telegraphed to his friends. So the matter remains for the present. But it is hardly probable that no further attempt will be made to verify his strange story of these hitherto unsuspected cities of the deep sea.
It’s only left to mention that on February 2, 1896, he made his second dive into the ocean abyss, incorporating the improvements suggested by his first experience. What happened next will likely remain a mystery. He never came back. The Ptarmigan searched over the spot where he submerged, looking for him unsuccessfully for thirteen days. Then it returned to Rio, and the news was sent to his friends. So for now, that’s where things stand. However, it’s unlikely that there won’t be further attempts to confirm his unusual story about these previously unknown cities in the deep sea.
THE APPLE
“I must get rid of it,” said the man in the corner of the carriage, abruptly breaking the silence.
“I need” to get rid of it,” said the man in the corner of the carriage, suddenly interrupting the silence.
Mr. Hinchcliff looked up, hearing imperfectly. He had been lost in the rapt contemplation of the college cap tied by a string to his portmanteau handles—the outward and visible sign of his newly-gained pedagogic position—in the rapt appreciation of the college cap and the pleasant anticipations it excited. For Mr. Hinchcliff had just matriculated at London University, and was going to be junior assistant at the Holmwood Grammar School—a very enviable position. He stared across the carriage at his fellow-traveller.
Mr. Hinchcliff looked up, hearing only part of what was going on. He had been completely absorbed in the sight of the college cap tied with a string to the handles of his suitcase—the obvious sign of his newly acquired teaching position—lost in his admiration for the cap and the exciting possibilities it brought. Mr. Hinchcliff had just enrolled at London University and was set to be the junior assistant at Holmwood Grammar School—an incredibly desirable position. He glanced across the carriage at his fellow traveler.
“Why not give it away?” said this person. “Give it away! Why not?”
“Why not just give it away?” said this person. “Give it away! Why not?”
He was a tall, dark, sunburnt man with a pale face. His arms were folded tightly, and his feet were on the seat in front of him. He was pulling at a lank black moustache. He stared hard at his toes.
He was a tall, dark, sunburned man with a pale face. His arms were crossed tightly, and his feet were on the seat in front of him. He was tugging at a thin black mustache. He stared intensely at his toes.
“Why not?” he said.
"Why not?" he said.
Mr. Hinchcliff coughed.
Mr. Hinchcliff coughed.
The stranger lifted his eyes—they were curious,[95] dark-grey eyes—and stared blankly at Mr. Hinchcliff for the best part of a minute, perhaps. His expression grew to interest.
The stranger looked up—his dark grey eyes were curious—and stared blankly at Mr. Hinchcliff for almost a minute. His expression shifted to one of interest.
“Yes,” he said slowly. “Why not? And end it.”
“Yes,” he said slowly. “Why not? Let’s just wrap it up.”
“I don’t quite follow you, I’m afraid,” said Mr. Hinchcliff, with another cough.
“I don’t really understand what you mean, I’m afraid,” said Mr. Hinchcliff, with another cough.
“You don’t quite follow me?” said the stranger quite mechanically, his singular eyes wandering from Mr. Hinchcliff to the bag with its ostentatiously displayed cap, and back to Mr. Hinchcliff’s downy face.
“You don't really understand me?” said the stranger, somewhat robotic, his unusual eyes shifting from Mr. Hinchcliff to the bag with its showy cap, and then back to Mr. Hinchcliff's fluffy face.
“You’re so abrupt, you know,” apologised Mr Hinchcliff.
“You're really blunt, you know,” Mr. Hinchcliff apologized.
“Why shouldn’t I?” said the stranger, following his thoughts. “You are a student?” he said, addressing Mr. Hinchcliff.
"Why shouldn't I?" said the stranger, continuing his thoughts. "Are you a student?" he asked, looking at Mr. Hinchcliff.
“I am—by Correspondence—of the London University,” said Mr. Hinchcliff, with irrepressible pride, and feeling nervously at his tie.
“I am—by Correspondence—of the London University,” Mr. Hinchcliff said, unable to hide his pride, while nervously adjusting his tie.
“In pursuit of knowledge,” said the stranger, and suddenly took his feet off the seat, put his fist on his knees, and stared at Mr. Hinchcliff as though he had never seen a student before. “Yes,” he said, and flung out an index finger. Then he rose, took a bag from the hat-rack, and unlocked it. Quite silently he drew out something round and wrapped in a quantity of silver-paper, and unfolded this carefully. He held it out towards Mr. Hinchcliff—a small, very smooth, golden-yellow fruit.
“In pursuit of knowledge,” said the stranger, suddenly taking his feet off the seat, putting his fist on his knees, and staring at Mr. Hinchcliff as if he had never seen a student before. “Yes,” he said, pointing with his index finger. Then he got up, grabbed a bag from the hat rack, and unlocked it. Quietly, he pulled out something round wrapped in a bunch of silver paper and carefully unfolded it. He held it out toward Mr. Hinchcliff—a small, very smooth, golden-yellow fruit.
Mr. Hinchcliff’s eyes and mouth were open. He did not offer to take this object—if he was intended to take it.
Mr. Hinchcliff’s eyes and mouth were wide open. He didn’t make any move to take this object—if he was supposed to take it.
“That,” said this fantastic stranger, speaking very slowly, “is the Apple of the Tree of Knowledge. Look at it—small, and bright, and wonderful—Knowledge—and I am going to give it to you.”
“That's the Apple of the Tree of Knowledge,” said this amazing stranger, speaking very slowly. “Check it out—small, bright, and incredible—Knowledge—and I'm going to give it to you.”
Mr. Hinchcliff’s mind worked painfully for a minute, and then the sufficient explanation, “Mad!” flashed across his brain, and illuminated the whole situation. One humoured madmen. He put his head a little on one side.
Mr. Hinchcliff struggled to think for a moment, and then the perfect explanation, “Crazy!” hit him, shedding light on the entire situation. One humorously mad person. He tilted his head slightly to the side.
“The Apple of the Tree of Knowledge, eigh!” said Mr. Hinchcliff, regarding it with a finely assumed air of interest, and then looking at the interlocutor. “But don’t you want to eat it yourself? And besides—how did you come by it?”
“The Apple of the Tree of Knowledge, wow!” said Mr. Hinchcliff, looking at it with a carefully feigned interest, and then glancing at the person he was talking to. “But don’t you want to eat it yourself? And besides—how did you get it?”
“It never fades. I have had it now three months. And it is ever bright and smooth and ripe and desirable, as you see it.” He laid his hand on his knee and regarded the fruit musingly. Then he began to wrap it again in the papers, as though he had abandoned his intention of giving it away.
“It never fades. I’ve had it for three months now. And it’s always bright, smooth, ripe, and appealing, just like you see it.” He placed his hand on his knee and looked at the fruit thoughtfully. Then he started to wrap it up again in the paper, as if he had given up on his plan to give it away.
“But how did you come by it?” said Mr. Hinchcliff, who had his argumentative side. “And how do you know that it is the Fruit of the Tree?”
“But how did you get it?” Mr. Hinchcliff asked, who had a tendency to argue. “And how do you know that it is the Fruit of the Tree?”
“I bought this fruit,” said the stranger, “three months ago—for a drink of water and a crust of bread. The man who gave it to me—because I kept the life in him—was an Armenian. Armenia! that wonderful country, the first of all countries, where the ark of the Flood remains to this day, buried in the glaciers of Mount Ararat. This man, I say, fleeing with others from the Kurds who had come upon them, went up into desolate places among the mountains—places beyond the common knowledge[97] of men. And fleeing from imminent pursuit, they came to a slope high among the mountain-peaks, green with a grass like knife-blades, that cut and slashed most pitilessly at anyone who went into it. The Kurds were close behind, and there was nothing for it but to plunge in, and the worst of it was that the paths they made through it at the price of their blood served for the Kurds to follow. Every one of the fugitives was killed save this Armenian and another. He heard the screams and cries of his friends, and the swish of the grass about those who were pursuing them—it was tall grass rising overhead. And then a shouting and answers, and when presently he paused, everything was still. He pushed out again, not understanding, cut and bleeding, until he came out on a steep slope of rocks below a precipice, and then he saw the grass was all on fire, and the smoke of it rose like a veil between him and his enemies.”
“I bought this fruit,” said the stranger, “three months ago—for a drink of water and a piece of bread. The man who gave it to me—because I saved his life—was an Armenian. Armenia! That amazing country, the first of all nations, where the ark from the Flood is still buried in the glaciers of Mount Ararat. This man, I say, fleeing with others from the Kurds who were attacking them, went up into desolate areas in the mountains—places beyond what most people know[97] about. As they fled from imminent danger, they reached a slope high among the mountain peaks, covered in grass as sharp as blades, which cut mercilessly into anyone who ventured into it. The Kurds were right behind them, and there was no choice but to dive in, and the worst part was that the paths they made through it at the cost of their lives provided a trail for the Kurds to follow. Every one of the fugitives was killed except this Armenian and another. He heard the screams and cries of his friends, and the rustling of the tall grass around those who were chasing them—it was grass that rose overhead. Then he heard shouting and responses, and when he paused, everything fell silent. He moved forward again, not understanding, cut and bleeding, until he came out onto a steep slope of rocks below a cliff. Then he saw that the grass was on fire, and the smoke rose like a veil between him and his enemies.”
The stranger paused. “Yes?” said Mr. Hinchcliff. “Yes?”
The stranger stopped. “Yes?” Mr. Hinchcliff replied. “Yes?”
“There he was, all torn and bloody from the knife-blades of the grass, the rocks blazing under the afternoon sun—the sky molten brass—and the smoke of the fire driving towards him. He dared not stay there. Death he did not mind, but torture! Far away beyond the smoke he heard shouts and cries. Women screaming. So he went clambering up a gorge in the rocks—everywhere were bushes with dry branches that stuck out like thorns among the leaves—until he clambered over the brow of a ridge that hid him. And then he met his companion, a shepherd, who had also escaped. And, counting[98] cold and famine and thirst as nothing against the Kurds, they went on into the heights, and among the snow and ice. They wandered three whole days.
“There he was, all torn and bloody from the knife-like grass, the rocks blazing under the afternoon sun—the sky a molten brass—and the smoke from the fire drifting toward him. He couldn't stay there. He didn’t mind death, but torture! Far away beyond the smoke, he heard shouts and cries. Women screaming. So he began scrambling up a gorge in the rocks—bushes with dry branches stuck out like thorns among the leaves—until he climbed over the brow of a ridge that concealed him. Then he met his companion, a shepherd, who had also escaped. And, considering cold, famine, and thirst as nothing compared to the Kurds, they continued on into the heights and among the snow and ice. They wandered for three whole days.
“The third day came the vision. I suppose hungry men often do see visions, but then there is this fruit.” He lifted the wrapped globe in his hand. “And I have heard it, too, from other mountaineers who have known something of the legend. It was in the evening time, when the stars were increasing, that they came down a slope of polished rock into a huge dark valley all set about with strange, contorted trees, and in these trees hung little globes like glow-worm spheres, strange round yellow lights.
“The third day brought the vision. I guess hungry men often see visions, but then there's this fruit.” He held up the wrapped globe in his hand. “And I've heard it from other climbers who know a bit about the legend. It was in the evening when the stars were starting to appear that they descended a slope of smooth rock into a massive dark valley surrounded by unusual, twisted trees, and in those trees hung small globes like glow-worm spheres, odd round yellow lights.
“Suddenly this valley was lit far away, many miles away, far down it, with a golden flame marching slowly athwart it, that made the stunted trees against it black as night, and turned the slopes all about them and their figures to the likeness of fiery gold. And at the vision they, knowing the legends of the mountains, instantly knew that it was Eden they saw, or the sentinel of Eden, and they fell upon their faces like men struck dead.
“Suddenly, this valley was illuminated from far away, many miles down it, by a golden flame moving slowly across it, making the stunted trees appear as dark as night, while the slopes around them and their silhouettes shone like fiery gold. Recognizing the legends of the mountains, they instantly understood that what they saw was Eden, or the guardian of Eden, and they fell to the ground as if struck dead.”
“When they dared to look again the valley was dark for a space, and then the light came again—returning, a burning amber.
“When they finally looked again, the valley was dark for a moment, and then the light returned—a glowing amber.”
“At that the shepherd sprang to his feet, and with a shout began to run down towards the light, but the other man was too fearful to follow him. He stood stunned, amazed, and terrified, watching his companion recede towards the marching glare. And hardly had the shepherd set out when there came[99] a noise like thunder, the beating of invisible wings hurrying up the valley, and a great and terrible fear; and at that the man who gave me the fruit turned—if he might still escape. And hurrying headlong up the slope again, with that tumult sweeping after him, he stumbled against one of these stunted bushes, and a ripe fruit came off it into his hand. This fruit. Forthwith, the wings and the thunder rolled all about him. He fell and fainted, and when he came to his senses, he was back among the blackened ruins of his own village, and I and the others were attending to the wounded. A vision? But the golden fruit of the tree was still clutched in his hand. There were others there who knew the legend, knew what that strange fruit might be.” He paused. “And this is it,” he said.
“At that, the shepherd jumped to his feet and started running toward the light with a shout, but the other man was too scared to follow him. He stood there, stunned, amazed, and terrified, watching his friend disappear into the glaring brightness. Just as the shepherd took off, there was a noise like thunder, the sound of invisible wings rushing up the valley, filling him with a great and terrible fear; at that moment, the man who had given me the fruit turned—hoping to escape. He hurried back up the slope as chaos followed him, and in his rush, he stumbled into one of the small bushes, causing a ripe fruit to fall into his hand. This fruit. Immediately, the sound of wings and thunder surrounded him. He collapsed and fainted, and when he regained consciousness, he found himself back among the charred ruins of his village, where I and the others were caring for the injured. A vision? But he was still gripping the golden fruit of the tree tightly in his hand. There were others there who understood the legend, who knew what that strange fruit could be.” He paused. “And this is it,” he said.
It was a most extraordinary story to be told in a third-class carriage on a Sussex railway. It was as if the real was a mere veil to the fantastic, and here was the fantastic poking through. “Is it?” was all Mr. Hinchcliff could say.
It was an extraordinary story being shared in a third-class carriage on a Sussex train. It felt like reality was just a thin veil over the fantastic, and here was the fantastic breaking through. “Is it?” was all Mr. Hinchcliff could manage to say.
“The legend,” said the stranger, “tells that those thickets of dwarfed trees growing about the garden sprang from the apple that Adam carried in his hand when he and Eve were driven forth. He felt something in his hand, saw the half-eaten apple, and flung it petulantly aside. And there they grow, in that desolate valley, girdled round with the everlasting snows, and there the fiery swords keep ward against the Judgment Day.”
“The legend,” said the stranger, “says that those stunted trees around the garden came from the apple that Adam carried when he and Eve were cast out. He felt something in his hand, saw the half-eaten apple, and threw it away in frustration. And there they grow, in that barren valley, surrounded by eternal snow, and there the fiery swords guard against Judgment Day.”
“But I thought these things were”—Mr. Hinchcliff paused—“fables—parables rather. Do you mean to tell me that there in Armenia”—
“But I thought these things were”—Mr. Hinchcliff paused—“fables—more like parables. Are you really telling me that over there in Armenia”—
The stranger answered the unfinished question with the fruit in his open hand.
The stranger responded to the incomplete question with the fruit in his open hand.
“But you don’t know,” said Mr. Hinchcliff, “that that is the fruit of the Tree of Knowledge. The man may have had—a sort of mirage, say. Suppose”—
“But you don’t know,” said Mr. Hinchcliff, “that that is the fruit of the Tree of Knowledge. The man may have had—a kind of mirage, let's say. Suppose”—
“Look at it,” said the stranger.
“Check it out,” said the stranger.
It was certainly a strange-looking globe, not really an apple, Mr. Hinchcliff saw, and a curious glowing golden colour, almost as though light itself was wrought into its substance. As he looked at it, he began to see more vividly the desolate valley among the mountains, the guarding swords of fire, the strange antiquities of the story he had just heard. He rubbed a knuckle into his eye. “But”—said he.
It was definitely a weird-looking globe, not exactly an apple, Mr. Hinchcliff noticed, and it had a strange glowing golden color, almost as if light was embedded in its very material. As he stared at it, he started to see more clearly the desolate valley among the mountains, the fiery swords protecting it, the bizarre relics of the story he had just heard. He rubbed his knuckle into his eye. “But,” he said.
“It has kept like that, smooth and full, three months. Longer than that it is now by some days. No drying, no withering, no decay.”
“It has stayed like that, smooth and full, for three months. It's been longer than that now by a few days. No drying, no wilting, no decay.”
“And you yourself,” said Mr. Hinchcliff, “really believe that”—
“And you yourself,” said Mr. Hinchcliff, “actually believe that—”
“Is the Forbidden Fruit.”
“It's the Forbidden Fruit.”
There was no mistaking the earnestness of the man’s manner and his perfect sanity. “The Fruit of Knowledge,” he said.
There was no doubt about the man's sincerity and his complete sanity. “The Fruit of Knowledge,” he said.
“Suppose it was?” said Mr. Hinchcliff, after a pause, still staring at it. “But after all,” said Mr. Hinchcliff, “it’s not my kind of knowledge—not the sort of knowledge. I mean, Adam and Eve have eaten it already.”
“Suppose it was?” said Mr. Hinchcliff, after a pause, still staring at it. “But still,” Mr. Hinchcliff said, “it’s not the kind of knowledge I want—not that sort of knowledge. I mean, Adam and Eve have already eaten it.”
“We inherit their sins—not their knowledge,” said the stranger. “That would make it all clear and bright again. We should see into everything, through everything, into the deepest meaning of everything”—
“We inherit their sins—not their knowledge,” said the stranger. “That would make everything clear and bright again. We should understand everything, see through everything, into the deepest meaning of everything”—
“Why don’t you eat it, then?” said Mr. Hinchcliff, with an inspiration.
“Why don’t you eat it, then?” Mr. Hinchcliff said, suddenly inspired.
“I took it intending to eat it,” said the stranger. “Man has fallen. Merely to eat again could scarcely”—
“I took it to eat it,” said the stranger. “Humans have fallen. Just eating again could hardly”—
“Knowledge is power,” said Mr. Hinchcliff.
“Knowledge is power,” Mr. Hinchcliff said.
“But is it happiness? I am older than you—more than twice as old. Time after time I have held this in my hand, and my heart has failed me at the thought of all that one might know, that terrible lucidity— Suppose suddenly all the world became pitilessly clear?”
“But is it really happiness? I’m older than you—more than twice your age. Again and again, I’ve held this in my hand, and my heart has faltered at the thought of everything one could know, that awful clarity—What if suddenly the whole world became unflinchingly clear?”
“That, I think, would be a great advantage,” said Mr. Hinchcliff, “on the whole.”
“That, I think, would be a great advantage,” said Mr. Hinchcliff, “overall.”
“Suppose you saw into the hearts and minds of everyone about you, into their most secret recesses—people you loved, whose love you valued?”
“Imagine if you could see into the hearts and minds of everyone around you, into their most hidden thoughts—people you cared about, whose love meant a lot to you?”
“You’d soon find out the humbugs,” said Mr. Hinchcliff, greatly struck by the idea.
“You’d quickly discover the fakes,” said Mr. Hinchcliff, really taken by the idea.
“And worse—to know yourself, bare of your most intimate illusions. To see yourself in your place. All that your lusts and weaknesses prevented your doing. No merciful perspective.”
“And worse—to truly know yourself, stripped of your deepest illusions. To see yourself as you really are. All the things your desires and flaws kept you from doing. No kind perspective.”
“That might be an excellent thing too. ‘Know thyself,’ you know.”
“That could be a great thing too. ‘Know yourself,’ you know.”
“You are young,” said the stranger.
"You're young," said the stranger.
“If you don’t care to eat it, and it bothers you, why don’t you throw it away?”
“If you don’t want to eat it and it annoys you, why not just throw it away?”
“There again, perhaps, you will not understand me. To me, how could one throw away a thing like that, glowing, wonderful? Once one has it, one is bound. But, on the other hand, to give it away! To give it away to someone who thirsted after knowledge,[102] who found no terror in the thought of that clear perception”—
“There again, maybe you won’t get what I mean. To me, how could anyone just discard something so radiant and amazing? Once you have it, you’re tied to it. But, on the flip side, to give it away! To give it to someone who craves knowledge, [102] who doesn’t fear the idea of that clear insight—”
“Of course,” said Mr. Hinchcliff thoughtfully, “it might be some sort of poisonous fruit.”
“Of course,” Mr. Hinchcliff said thoughtfully, “it could be some kind of poisonous fruit.”
And then his eye caught something motionless, the end of a white board black-lettered outside the carriage window. “—MWOOD,” he saw. He started convulsively. “Gracious!” said Mr. Hinchcliff. “Holmwood!”—and the practical present blotted out the mystic realisations that had been stealing upon him.
And then his eye caught something still, the end of a white sign with black letters outside the carriage window. “—MWOOD,” he saw. He jolted. “Wow!” said Mr. Hinchcliff. “Holmwood!”—and the practical moment erased the mystical thoughts that had been creeping up on him.
In another moment he was opening the carriage-door, portmanteau in hand. The guard was already fluttering his green flag. Mr. Hinchcliff jumped out. “Here!” said a voice behind him, and he saw the dark eyes of the stranger shining and the golden fruit, bright and bare, held out of the open carriage-door. He took it instinctively, the train was already moving.
In a moment, he was opening the carriage door, suitcase in hand. The guard was already waving his green flag. Mr. Hinchcliff jumped out. “Hey!” called a voice behind him, and he saw the stranger's dark eyes shining and the bright, bare golden fruit being held out from the open carriage door. He took it instinctively; the train was already moving.
“No!” shouted the stranger, and made a snatch at it as if to take it back.
“No!” shouted the stranger, and reached for it as if to grab it back.
“Stand away,” cried a country porter, thrusting forward to close the door. The stranger shouted something Mr. Hinchcliff did not catch, head and arm thrust excitedly out of the window, and then the shadow of the bridge fell on him, and in a trice he was hidden. Mr. Hinchcliff stood astonished, staring at the end of the last waggon receding round the bend, and with the wonderful fruit in his hand. For the fraction of a minute his mind was confused, and then he became aware that two or three people on the platform were regarding him with interest. Was he not the new Grammar School master making[103] his début? It occurred to him that, so far as they could tell, the fruit might very well be the naïve refreshment of an orange. He flushed at the thought, and thrust the fruit into his side pocket, where it bulged undesirably. But there was no help for it, so he went towards them, awkwardly concealing his sense of awkwardness, to ask the way to the Grammar School, and the means of getting his portmanteau and the two tin boxes which lay up the platform thither. Of all the odd and fantastic yarns to tell a fellow!
“Stand back,” yelled a country porter, stepping forward to close the door. The stranger shouted something Mr. Hinchcliff couldn’t catch, his head and arm excitedly out of the window, and then the shadow of the bridge fell on him, and in an instant, he was gone. Mr. Hinchcliff stood in shock, staring at the end of the last wagon as it rounded the bend, the wonderful fruit still in his hand. For just a moment, he felt confused, then he noticed that a couple of people on the platform were watching him with interest. Wasn’t he the new Grammar School master making[103] his debut? It occurred to him that, from their perspective, the fruit could easily be seen as just a simple orange. He flushed at the thought and shoved the fruit into his pocket, where it awkwardly bulged. But there was no helping it, so he walked toward them, trying to hide his awkwardness, to ask for directions to the Grammar School, and how to get his suitcase and the two tin boxes that were up the platform. Of all the strange and silly stories to tell someone!
His luggage could be taken on a truck for sixpence, he found, and he could precede it on foot. He fancied an ironical note in the voices. He was painfully aware of his contour.
His luggage could be transported on a truck for sixpence, he realized, and he could walk ahead of it. He detected a sarcastic tone in their voices. He was acutely aware of his own shape.
The curious earnestness of the man in the train, and the glamour of the story he told, had, for a time, diverted the current of Mr. Hinchcliff’s thoughts. It drove like a mist before his immediate concerns. Fires that went to and fro! But the preoccupation of his new position, and the impression he was to produce upon Holmwood generally, and the school people in particular, returned upon him with reinvigorating power before he left the station and cleared his mental atmosphere. But it is extraordinary what an inconvenient thing the addition of a soft and rather brightly-golden fruit, not three inches in diameter, may prove to a sensitive youth on his best appearance. In the pocket of his black jacket it bulged dreadfully, spoilt the lines altogether. He passed a little old lady in black, and he felt her eye drop upon the excrescence at once. He was wearing one glove and carrying[104] the other, together with his stick, so that to bear the fruit openly was impossible. In one place, where the road into the town seemed suitably secluded, he took his encumbrance out of his pocket and tried it in his hat. It was just too large, the hat wobbled ludicrously, and just as he was taking it out again, a butcher’s boy came driving round the corner.
The man's intense curiosity on the train and the captivating story he shared briefly distracted Mr. Hinchcliff from his own thoughts. It felt like a fog lifting away from his immediate worries. Fires that flickered and danced! Yet, the weight of his new role, and the impression he needed to make on Holmwood and the school staff, came flooding back to him with renewed force before he left the station, clearing his mind. It's surprising how a soft, bright-yellow piece of fruit, just three inches wide, can be such a hassle for an insecure young man trying to look his best. It bulged uncomfortably in the pocket of his black jacket, ruining its shape entirely. He passed an elderly lady in black and felt her gaze immediately fall on the awkward bulge. He was wearing one glove and holding the other along with his cane, so it was impossible to carry the fruit out in the open. In a spot where the road into town looked suitably private, he took the fruit out of his pocket and tried to place it in his hat. It was just too big; the hat wobbled comically, and just as he was about to take the fruit out again, a butcher's boy came around the corner.
“Confound it!” said Mr. Hinchcliff.
“Darn it!” said Mr. Hinchcliff.
He would have eaten the thing, and attained omniscience there and then, but it would seem so silly to go into the town sucking a juicy fruit—and it certainly felt juicy. If one of the boys should come by, it might do him a serious injury with his discipline so to be seen. And the juice might make his face sticky and get upon his cuffs—or it might be an acid juice as potent as lemon, and take all the colour out of his clothes.
He would have eaten the fruit and gained all knowledge right then and there, but it just seemed ridiculous to walk into town with a juicy piece of fruit—and it definitely felt juicy. If one of the boys saw him, it could really hurt his reputation. Plus, the juice might make his face sticky and mess up his cuffs—or it could be as acidic as lemon juice and ruin the color of his clothes.
Then round a bend in the lane came two pleasant sunlit girlish figures. They were walking slowly towards the town and chattering—at any moment they might look round and see a hot-faced young man behind them carrying a kind of phosphorescent yellow tomato! They would be sure to laugh.
Then around a bend in the road came two cheerful young women in the sunlight. They were walking slowly toward the town and chatting—any moment they could turn around and see a blushing young man behind them carrying a glowing yellow tomato! They would definitely laugh.
“Hang!” said Mr. Hinchcliff, and with a swift jerk sent the encumbrance flying over the stone wall of an orchard that there abutted on the road. As it vanished, he felt a faint twinge of loss that lasted scarcely a moment. He adjusted the stick and glove in his hand, and walked on, erect and self-conscious, to pass the girls.
“Hang!” said Mr. Hinchcliff, and with a quick motion, he tossed the burden over the stone wall of the orchard that bordered the road. As it disappeared, he felt a brief pang of loss that lasted barely a moment. He adjusted the stick and glove in his hand and walked on, upright and aware of himself, to pass by the girls.
But in the darkness of the night Mr. Hinchcliff had a dream, and saw the valley, and the flaming[105] swords, and the contorted trees, and knew that it really was the Apple of the Tree of Knowledge that he had thrown regardlessly away. And he awoke very unhappy.
But in the darkness of the night, Mr. Hinchcliff had a dream. He saw the valley, the flaming swords, and the twisted trees, and realized that it was truly the Apple from the Tree of Knowledge that he had carelessly tossed aside. He woke up feeling very unhappy.
In the morning his regret had passed, but afterwards it returned and troubled him; never, however, when he was happy or busily occupied. At last, one moonlight night about eleven, when all Holmwood was quiet, his regrets returned with redoubled force, and therewith an impulse to adventure. He slipped out of the house and over the playground wall, went through the silent town to Station Lane, and climbed into the orchard where he had thrown the fruit. But nothing was to be found of it there among the dewy grass and the faint intangible globes of dandelion down.
In the morning, he had let go of his regret, but later it came back to bother him; however, it never came up when he was happy or busy. Finally, one moonlit night around eleven, when all of Holmwood was quiet, his regrets surged back even stronger, along with a desire for adventure. He sneaked out of the house, climbed over the playground wall, walked through the silent town to Station Lane, and climbed into the orchard where he had tossed the fruit. But there was nothing to be found among the dewy grass and the faint, delicate puffs of dandelion fluff.
UNDER THE KNIFE
“What if I die under it?” The thought recurred again and again, as I walked home from Haddon’s. It was a purely personal question. I was spared the deep anxieties of a married man, and I knew there were few of my intimate friends but would find my death troublesome chiefly on account of their duty of regret. I was surprised indeed, and perhaps a little humiliated, as I turned the matter over, to think how few could possibly exceed the conventional requirement. Things came before me stripped of glamour, in a clear dry light, during that walk from Haddon’s house over Primrose Hill. There were the friends of my youth: I perceived now that our affection was a tradition, which we foregathered rather laboriously to maintain. There were the rivals and helpers of my later career: I suppose I had been cold-blooded or undemonstrative—one perhaps implies the other. It may be that even the capacity for friendship is a question of physique. There had been a time in my own life when I had grieved bitterly enough at the loss of a friend; but as I walked home that afternoon the emotional side of my imagination was dormant. I could not pity[107] myself, nor feel sorry for my friends, nor conceive of them as grieving for me.
"What" if I die under it?” The thought kept coming back as I walked home from Haddon’s. It was a personal question. I didn’t have the deep worries of a married man, and I knew that few of my close friends would find my death troublesome mainly because they’d feel obligated to express regret. I was genuinely surprised, and maybe a bit embarrassed, as I considered the situation, to realize how few could genuinely care beyond the typical expectation. Everything appeared to me stripped of its charm, in a clear, straightforward light, during that walk from Haddon’s house over Primrose Hill. There were my friends from youth: I now understood that our bond was more of a tradition we worked hard to maintain. Then there were the rivals and supporters from my later career: I guess I had been emotionally distant or unexpressive—one likely implies the other. It might even be that the ability to form friendships depends on physical traits. There was a time in my life when I mourned deeply for the loss of a friend; but as I walked home that afternoon, the emotional side of my imagination felt shut down. I couldn’t feel sorry for myself, nor could I feel sorry for my friends, nor could I imagine them grieving for me.
I was interested in this deadness of my emotional nature—no doubt a concomitant of my stagnating physiology; and my thoughts wandered off along the line it suggested. Once before, in my hot youth, I had suffered a sudden loss of blood, and had been within an ace of death. I remembered now that my affections as well as my passions had drained out of me, leaving scarce anything but a tranquil resignation, a dreg of self-pity. It had been weeks before the old ambitions, and tendernesses, and all the complex moral interplay of a man, had reasserted themselves. It occurred to me that the real meaning of this numbness might be a gradual slipping away from the pleasure-pain guidance of the animal man. It has been proven, I take it, as thoroughly as anything can be proven in this world, that the higher emotions, the moral feelings, even the subtle tendernesses of love, are evolved from the elemental desires and fears of the simple animal: they are the harness in which man’s mental freedom goes. And it may be that, as death overshadows us, as our possibility of acting diminishes, this complex growth of balanced impulse, propensity, and aversion, whose interplay inspires our acts, goes with it. Leaving what?
I was fascinated by this emotional numbness of mine—likely a side effect of my stagnant body—and my thoughts drifted along that line. Once, in my youthful passion, I had experienced a sudden loss of blood and had come dangerously close to death. I now remembered that my feelings, along with my desires, had drained away, leaving me with hardly anything but a calm acceptance and a tinge of self-pity. It took weeks for my old ambitions, affections, and all the complicated moral dynamics of a person to return. I reflected that this numbness could signify a gradual disengagement from the pleasure-pain orientation of our animal instincts. It’s been established, as thoroughly as anything can be proven in this life, that higher emotions, moral sentiments, and even the subtle nuances of love evolve from the basic desires and fears of simple beings: they are the reins through which our mental freedom operates. And perhaps, as death looms closer and our ability to act lessens, this intricate system of balanced impulses, tendencies, and aversions that motivates our actions diminishes alongside it. Leaving what?
I was suddenly brought back to reality by an imminent collision with a butcher-boy’s tray. I found that I was crossing the bridge over the Regent’s Park Canal, which runs parallel with that in the Zoological Gardens. The boy in blue had been looking over his shoulder at a black barge advancing[108] slowly, towed by a gaunt white horse. In the Gardens a nurse was leading three happy little children over the bridge. The trees were bright green; the spring hopefulness was still unstained by the dusts of summer; the sky in the water was bright and clear, but broken by long waves, by quivering bands of black, as the barge drove through. The breeze was stirring; but it did not stir me as the spring breeze used to do.
I was suddenly snapped back to reality by the risk of colliding with a butcher-boy’s tray. I realized I was crossing the bridge over the Regent’s Park Canal, which runs parallel to the one in the Zoological Gardens. The boy in blue was glancing back at a black barge moving slowly, pulled by a skinny white horse. In the Gardens, a nurse was guiding three cheerful little kids over the bridge. The trees were a bright green; the spring optimism was still untouched by the summer dust; the sky in the water was bright and clear but disturbed by long ripples and quivering strips of black as the barge pushed through. The breeze was moving, but it didn't move me like the spring breeze used to.
Was this dulness of feeling in itself an anticipation? It was curious that I could reason and follow out a network of suggestion as clearly as ever: so, at least, it seemed to me. It was calmness rather than dulness that was coming upon me. Was there any ground for the belief in the presentiment of death? Did a man near to death begin instinctively to withdraw himself from the meshes of matter and sense, even before the cold hand was laid upon his? I felt strangely isolated—isolated without regret—from the life and existence about me. The children playing in the sun and gathering strength and experience for the business of life, the park-keeper gossiping with a nursemaid, the nursing mother, the young couple intent upon each other as they passed me, the trees by the wayside spreading new pleading leaves to the sunlight, the stir in their branches—I had been part of it all, but I had nearly done with it now.
Was this lack of feeling a sign of something to come? It was interesting that I could still think through a web of ideas as clearly as ever: at least, that’s how it felt to me. It was more of a calmness than a lack of feeling that was settling in. Was there any truth to the belief in a premonition of death? Does a person close to death start to pull away from the physical world, even before the final moments? I felt oddly detached—detached without sadness—from the life around me. The children playing in the sun, building strength and experience for their futures, the park keeper chatting with a nanny, the mother caring for her baby, the young couple focused on each other as they walked past, the trees beside the path reaching out with fresh leaves to soak up the sunlight, the rustling in their branches—I had been part of all that, but now I was almost done with it.
Some way down the Broad Walk I perceived that I was tired, and that my feet were heavy. It was hot that afternoon, and I turned aside and sat down on one of the green chairs that line the way. In a minute I had dozed into a dream, and the tide of[109] my thoughts washed up a vision of the resurrection. I was still sitting in the chair, but I thought myself actually dead, withered, tattered, dried, one eye (I saw) pecked out by birds. “Awake!” cried a voice; and incontinently the dust of the path and the mould under the grass became insurgent. I had never before thought of Regent’s Park as a cemetery, but now, through the trees, stretching as far as eye could see, I beheld a flat plain of writhing graves and heeling tombstones. There seemed to be some trouble: the rising dead appeared to stifle as they struggled upward, they bled in their struggles, the red flesh was tattered away from the white bones. “Awake!” cried a voice; but I determined I would not rise to such horrors. “Awake!” They would not let me alone. “Wike up!” said an angry voice. A cockney angel! The man who sells the tickets was shaking me, demanding my penny.
Some way down the Broad Walk, I realized I was tired and my feet felt heavy. It was a hot afternoon, so I stepped aside and sat down on one of the green chairs that lined the path. Within a minute, I dozed off into a dream, and my thoughts drifted into a vision of the resurrection. I was still sitting in the chair, but I imagined myself actually dead, withered, worn out, dried up, one eye (I could see) pecked out by birds. “Awake!” shouted a voice; suddenly, the dust of the path and the soil beneath the grass stirred to life. I had never thought of Regent’s Park as a cemetery before, but now, through the trees, as far as I could see, I saw a flat plain filled with restless graves and tilting tombstones. There seemed to be some commotion: the rising dead looked like they were struggling to breathe, they bled in their efforts, the red flesh torn away from their white bones. “Awake!” the voice shouted again; but I decided I wouldn’t rise to witness such horrors. “Awake!” They wouldn’t leave me alone. “Wike up!” said an angry voice. A cockney angel! The ticket seller was shaking me, asking for my penny.
I paid my penny, pocketed my ticket, yawned, stretched my legs, and, feeling now rather less torpid, got up and walked on towards Langham Place. I speedily lost myself again in a shifting maze of thoughts about death. Going across Marylebone Road into that crescent at the end of Langham Place, I had the narrowest escape from the shaft of a cab, and went on my way with a palpitating heart and a bruised shoulder. It struck me that it would have been curious if my meditations on my death on the morrow had led to my death that day.
I paid my penny, grabbed my ticket, yawned, stretched my legs, and feeling a bit more awake, got up and walked towards Langham Place. I quickly lost myself again in a swirling maze of thoughts about death. As I crossed Marylebone Road into the crescent at the end of Langham Place, I narrowly avoided being hit by a cab, continuing on my way with a racing heart and a sore shoulder. It occurred to me that it would have been ironic if my reflections on my death tomorrow had actually resulted in my death that day.
But I will not weary you with more of my experiences that day and the next. I knew more and more certainly that I should die under the operation;[110] at times I think I was inclined to pose to myself. The doctors were coming at eleven, and I did not get up. It seemed scarce worth while to trouble about washing and dressing, and though I read my newspapers and the letters that came by the first post, I did not find them very interesting. There was a friendly note from Addison, my old school friend, calling my attention to two discrepancies and a printer’s error in my new book, with one from Langridge venting some vexation over Minton. The rest were business communications. I breakfasted in bed. The glow of pain at my side seemed more massive. I knew it was pain, and yet, if you can understand, I did not find it very painful. I had been awake and hot and thirsty in the night, but in the morning bed felt comfortable. In the night-time I had lain thinking of things that were past; in the morning I dozed over the question of immortality. Haddon came, punctual to the minute, with a neat black bag; and Mowbray soon followed. Their arrival stirred me up a little. I began to take a more personal interest in the proceedings. Haddon moved the little octagonal table close to the bedside, and, with his broad black back to me, began taking things out of his bag. I heard the light click of steel upon steel. My imagination, I found, was not altogether stagnant. “Will you hurt me much?” I said in an off-hand tone.
But I won’t tire you with more of my experiences from that day and the next. I became more and more certain that I would die during the surgery; at times, I think I was inclined to be dramatic with myself. The doctors were coming at eleven, and I didn’t get out of bed. It didn’t seem worth the trouble to wash and get dressed, and even though I read my newspapers and the letters that arrived with the first post, I didn’t find them very interesting. There was a friendly note from Addison, my old school friend, pointing out two inconsistencies and a printing error in my new book, along with one from Langridge expressing some frustration about Minton. The rest were business communications. I had breakfast in bed. The dull ache at my side felt more pronounced. I knew it was pain, but if you can understand, I didn’t find it very painful. I had been awake, feeling hot and thirsty at night, but the bed felt comfortable in the morning. During the night, I had reflected on past events; in the morning, I dozed off while pondering the question of immortality. Haddon arrived, right on time, with a neat black bag, and Mowbray soon followed. Their arrival got my attention a little. I started to take a more personal interest in what was happening. Haddon moved the small octagonal table close to my bedside and, with his broad back to me, began taking things out of his bag. I heard the soft click of metal on metal. I noticed my imagination wasn’t completely inactive. “Will you hurt me much?” I asked casually.
“Not a bit,” Haddon answered over his shoulder. “We shall chloroform you. Your heart’s as sound as a bell.” And as he spoke, I had a whiff of the pungent sweetness of the anæsthetic.
“Not at all,” Haddon replied, glancing back at me. “We’ll put you under with chloroform. Your heart is as strong as ever.” As he said this, I caught a whiff of the strong, sweet scent of the anesthetic.
They stretched me out, with a convenient exposure[111] of my side, and, almost before I realised what was happening, the chloroform was being administered. It stings the nostrils, and there is a suffocating sensation, at first. I knew I should die—that this was the end of consciousness for me. And suddenly I felt that I was not prepared for death: I had a vague sense of a duty overlooked—I knew not what. What was it I had not done? I could think of nothing more to do, nothing desirable left in life; and yet I had the strangest disinclination to death. And the physical sensation was painfully oppressive. Of course the doctors did not know they were going to kill me. Possibly I struggled. Then I fell motionless, and a great silence, a monstrous silence, and an impenetrable blackness came upon me.
They laid me out, exposing my side conveniently[111], and almost before I realized what was happening, they started administering the chloroform. It stings the nostrils, and at first, it feels suffocating. I knew I was going to die—that this was the end of my awareness. Suddenly I felt unprepared for death: I had a vague sense of something I had neglected to do—I didn’t know what it was. What hadn’t I done? I couldn’t think of anything else to do, nothing else that I wanted in life; yet I felt an odd reluctance to die. The physical sensation was intensely oppressive. Of course, the doctors didn’t realize they were going to kill me. I might have struggled. Then I became motionless, and a deep silence, a terrifying silence, and an impenetrable darkness surrounded me.
There must have been an interval of absolute unconsciousness, seconds or minutes. Then, with a chilly, unemotional clearness, I perceived that I was not yet dead. I was still in my body; but all the multitudinous sensations that come sweeping from it to make up the background of consciousness had gone, leaving me free of it all. No, not free of it all; for as yet something still held me to the poor stark flesh upon the bed—held me, yet not so closely that I did not feel myself external to it, independent of it, straining away from it. I do not think I saw, I do not think I heard; but I perceived all that was going on, and it was as if I both heard and saw. Haddon was bending over me, Mowbray behind me; the scalpel—it was a large scalpel—was cutting my flesh at the side under the flying ribs. It was interesting to see myself cut like cheese, without[112] a pang, without even a qualm. The interest was much of a quality with that one might feel in a game of chess between strangers. Haddon’s face was firm and his hand steady; but I was surprised to perceive (how I know not) that he was feeling the gravest doubt as to his own wisdom in the conduct of the operation.
There must have been a moment of complete unconsciousness, seconds or minutes. Then, with a cold, emotionless clarity, I realized that I wasn’t dead yet. I was still in my body, but all the many sensations that usually form the background of consciousness had vanished, leaving me detached from it all. No, not completely detached; something still tethered me to the poor, stark flesh on the bed—held me, but not so tightly that I didn’t feel separate from it, independent of it, pulling away from it. I don't think I saw or heard anything, but I was aware of everything happening around me, as if I both heard and saw it. Haddon was leaning over me, Mowbray was behind me; the scalpel—it was a large one—was cutting into my flesh at the side beneath the ribs. It was fascinating to see myself cut like cheese, without pain, without even a hint of discomfort. The fascination was similar to what one might feel watching a chess game between strangers. Haddon’s expression was serious, and his hand was steady; but I was surprised to sense (I don’t know how) that he had serious doubts about his own judgment in performing the operation.
Mowbray’s thoughts, too, I could see. He was thinking that Haddon’s manner showed too much of the specialist. New suggestions came up like bubbles through a stream of frothing meditation, and burst one after another in the little bright spot of his consciousness. He could not help noticing and admiring Haddon’s swift dexterity, in spite of his envious quality and his disposition to detract. I saw my liver exposed. I was puzzled at my own condition. I did not feel that I was dead, but I was different in some way from my living self. The grey depression, that had weighed on me for a year or more and coloured all my thoughts, was gone. I perceived and thought without any emotional tint at all. I wondered if everyone perceived things in this way under chloroform, and forgot it again when he came out of it. It would be inconvenient to look into some heads, and not forget.
Mowbray’s thoughts were clear to me. He was realizing that Haddon’s way of doing things was too clinical. New ideas popped up like bubbles in a stream of swirling thoughts, then faded one after the other in the small bright spot of his awareness. He couldn’t help but notice and admire Haddon’s quick skill, despite feeling envious and wanting to undermine him. I saw my liver exposed. I was confused about my own state. I didn’t feel dead, but I was somehow different from my living self. The gray heaviness that had burdened me for over a year and colored all my thoughts was gone. I perceived and thought without any emotional filter. I wondered if everyone experienced things this way under chloroform, only to forget once they came out of it. It would be awkward to peek into others' minds and not be able to forget.
Although I did not think that I was dead, I still perceived quite clearly that I was soon to die. This brought me back to the consideration of Haddon’s proceedings. I looked into his mind, and saw that he was afraid of cutting a branch of the portal vein. My attention was distracted from details by the curious changes going on in his mind. His consciousness was like the quivering little spot of light[113] which is thrown by the mirror of a galvanometer. His thoughts ran under it like a stream, some through the focus bright and distinct, some shadowy in the half-light of the edge. Just now the little glow was steady; but the least movement on Mowbray’s part, the slightest sound from outside, even a faint difference in the slow movement of the living flesh he was cutting, set the light-spot shivering and spinning. A new sense-impression came rushing up through the flow of thoughts; and lo! the light-spot jerked away towards it, swifter than a frightened fish. It was wonderful to think that upon that unstable, fitful thing depended all the complex motions of the man; that for the next five minutes, therefore, my life hung upon its movements. And he was growing more and more nervous in his work. It was as if a little picture of a cut vein grew brighter, and struggled to oust from his brain another picture of a cut falling short of the mark. He was afraid: his dread of cutting too little was battling with his dread of cutting too far.
Although I didn’t think I was dead, I clearly sensed that I was about to die. This brought me back to thinking about Haddon’s actions. I looked into his mind and saw that he was scared of cutting a branch of the portal vein. My focus shifted from the details to the strange changes happening in his mind. His consciousness was like the flickering spot of light[113] projected by a galvanometer. His thoughts flowed beneath it like a stream, some bright and clear in the focus and others shadowy in the dim light at the edges. Right now, the little glow was steady; however, the slightest movement from Mowbray, any small sound from outside, or even a slight shift in the slow motion of the living flesh he was cutting, made the light spot jitter and swirl. A new sensory impression surged through his thoughts, and suddenly, the light spot darted toward it, faster than a startled fish. It was amazing to think that all the intricate actions of the man depended on that unstable, flickering thing; that for the next five minutes, my life hinged on its movements. And he was getting more and more anxious about his work. It was as if a vivid image of a cut vein was intensifying, trying to push out of his mind another image of a cut that didn’t reach the target. He was afraid: his fear of cutting too little was battling with his fear of cutting too deep.
Then, suddenly, like an escape of water from under a lock-gate, a great uprush of horrible realisation set all his thoughts swirling, and simultaneously I perceived that the vein was cut. He started back with a hoarse exclamation, and I saw the brown-purple blood gather in a swift bead, and run trickling. He was horrified. He pitched the red-stained scalpel on to the octagonal table; and instantly both doctors flung themselves upon me, making hasty and ill-conceived efforts to remedy the disaster. “Ice!” said Mowbray, gasping. But I knew that I was killed, though my body still clung to me.
Then, suddenly, like water bursting out from under a dam, a wave of terrible realization hit him, sending his thoughts into a whirlwind, and at the same time, I saw that the vein was cut. He recoiled with a raspy shout, and I watched as the brown-purple blood quickly formed a bead and began to trickle. He was horrified. He threw the bloodied scalpel onto the octagonal table, and immediately both doctors rushed to my aid, making frantic and poorly thought-out attempts to fix the situation. “Ice!” Mowbray gasped. But I knew I was done for, even though my body still felt attached to me.
I will not describe their belated endeavours to save me, though I perceived every detail. My perceptions were sharper and swifter than they had ever been in life; my thoughts rushed through my mind with incredible swiftness, but with perfect definition. I can only compare their crowded clarity to the effects of a reasonable dose of opium. In a moment it would all be over, and I should be free. I knew I was immortal, but what would happen I did not know. Should I drift off presently, like a puff of smoke from a gun, in some kind of half-material body, an attenuated version of my material self? Should I find myself suddenly among the innumerable hosts of the dead, and know the world about me for the phantasmagoria it had always seemed? Should I drift to some spiritualistic séance, and there make foolish, incomprehensible attempts to affect a purblind medium? It was a state of unemotional curiosity, of colourless expectation. And then I realised a growing stress upon me, a feeling as though some huge human magnet was drawing me upward out of my body. The stress grew and grew. I seemed an atom for which monstrous forces were fighting. For one brief, terrible moment sensation came back to me. That feeling of falling headlong which comes in nightmares, that feeling a thousand times intensified, that and a black horror swept across my thoughts in a torrent. Then the two doctors, the naked body with its cut side, the little room, swept away from under me and vanished, as a speck of foam vanishes down an eddy.
I won't describe their delayed efforts to save me, even though I noticed every detail. My perceptions were sharper and quicker than they had ever been in life; my thoughts raced through my mind with incredible speed, yet with perfect clarity. I can only compare their crowded clarity to the effects of a reasonable dose of opium. In a moment, it would all be over, and I would be free. I knew I was immortal, but what would happen next, I had no idea. Would I just drift away, like a puff of smoke from a gun, in some kind of half-physical body, a diluted version of my physical self? Would I suddenly find myself among the countless souls of the dead, viewing the world around me as the illusion it had always seemed? Would I drift to some spiritualistic séance, and there make silly, incomprehensible attempts to interact with a blind medium? It was a state of detached curiosity, of neutral expectation. Then I felt a growing pressure on me, as if some enormous human magnet was pulling me upward out of my body. The pressure increased and increased. I felt like an atom in a battle between monstrous forces. For one brief, terrifying moment, sensation returned to me. I experienced the feeling of falling headfirst that comes in nightmares, that feeling intensified a thousand times, along with a wave of black horror that flooded my thoughts. Then the two doctors, the naked body with its gaping wound, the small room, all vanished from beneath me like a speck of foam disappearing down a whirlpool.
I was in mid-air. Far below was the West End of London, receding rapidly,—for I seemed to be[115] flying swiftly upward,—and, as it receded, passing westward, like a panorama. I could see, through the faint haze of smoke, the innumerable roofs chimney-set, the narrow roadways, stippled with people and conveyances, the little specks of squares, and the church steeples like thorns sticking out of the fabric. But it spun away as the earth rotated on its axis, and in a few seconds (as it seemed) I was over the scattered clumps of town about Ealing, the little Thames a thread of blue to the south, and the Chiltern Hills and the North Downs coming up like the rim of a basin, far away and faint with haze. Up I rushed. And at first I had not the faintest conception what this headlong rush upward could mean.
I was in mid-air. Far below was the West End of London, quickly disappearing as I seemed to be[115] flying upward at high speed. As it faded away, moving westward like a moving picture, I could see, through the light haze of smoke, the countless rooftops with chimneys, the narrow streets dotted with people and vehicles, the tiny squares, and the church steeples poking up like sharp thorns in the landscape. But it spun away as the earth rotated on its axis, and in just a few seconds (or so it felt), I was over the scattered clusters of homes around Ealing, with the little Thames looking like a blue ribbon to the south, and the Chiltern Hills and the North Downs rising up in the distance, faint with haze. I rushed upward. At first, I had no idea what this rapid ascent could mean.
Every moment the circle of scenery beneath me grew wider and wider, and the details of town and field, of hill and valley, got more and more hazy and pale and indistinct, a luminous grey was mingled more and more with the blue of the hills and the green of the open meadows; and a little patch of cloud, low and far to the west, shone ever more dazzlingly white. Above, as the veil of atmosphere between myself and outer space grew thinner, the sky, which had been a fair springtime blue at first, grew deeper and richer in colour, passing steadily through the intervening shades, until presently it was as dark as the blue sky of midnight, and presently as black as the blackness of a frosty starlight, and at last as black as no blackness I had ever beheld. And first one star, and then many, and at last an innumerable host broke out upon the sky: more stars than anyone has ever seen from[116] the face of the earth. For the blueness of the sky is the light of the sun and stars sifted and spread abroad blindingly: there is diffused light even in the darkest skies of winter, and we do not see the stars by day only because of the dazzling irradiation of the sun. But now I saw things—I know not how; assuredly with no mortal eyes—and that defect of bedazzlement blinded me no longer. The sun was incredibly strange and wonderful. The body of it was a disc of blinding white light: not yellowish, as it seems to those who live upon the earth, but livid white, all streaked with scarlet streaks and rimmed about with a fringe of writhing tongues of red fire. And, shooting half-way across the heavens from either side of it, and brighter than the Milky Way, were two pinions of silver-white, making it look more like those winged globes I have seen in Egyptian sculpture, than anything else I can remember upon earth. These I knew for the solar corona, though I had never seen anything of it but a picture during the days of my earthly life.
Every moment, the landscape beneath me expanded wider and wider, and the details of towns and fields, hills and valleys, became more hazy and pale and indistinct. A glowing grey blended increasingly with the blue of the hills and the green of the open meadows, and a small patch of cloud, low and distant to the west, shone ever more dazzlingly white. Above me, as the veil of atmosphere between myself and outer space thinned, the sky, which had originally been a beautiful springtime blue, shifted to a deeper and richer color, steadily passing through shades until it became as dark as a midnight blue sky, and then as black as the darkness of a frosty starlit night, and finally as black as any blackness I had ever seen. First one star appeared, then many, and eventually an endless host burst forth in the sky: more stars than anyone has ever seen from[116] the surface of the earth. The blueness of the sky is the light of the sun and stars filtered and redistributed intensely: there is diffused light even in the darkest winter skies, and we do not see the stars during the day only because of the blinding brightness of the sun. But now I was seeing things—I can't explain how; certainly not with ordinary human eyes—and that blinding effect no longer obscured my vision. The sun was astonishingly strange and incredible. Its body was a disc of blinding white light: not yellowish, as it appears to those living on earth, but a stark white, streaked with scarlet lines and surrounded by a fringe of writhing tongues of red fire. And, shooting halfway across the sky from either side of it, and brighter than the Milky Way, were two wings of silver-white, making it look more like those winged globes I’ve seen in Egyptian sculpture than anything else I can recall from earth. I recognized these as the solar corona, even though I had only ever seen a picture of it during my time on earth.
When my attention came back to the earth again, I saw that it had fallen very far away from me. Field and town were long since indistinguishable, and all the varied hues of the country were merging into a uniform bright grey, broken only by the brilliant white of the clouds that lay scattered in flocculent masses over Ireland and the west of England. For now I could see the outlines of the north of France and Ireland, and all this island of Britain, save where Scotland passed over the horizon to the north, or where the coast was blurred or obliterated by cloud. The sea was a dull grey, and[117] darker than the land; and the whole panorama was rotating slowly towards the east.
When I brought my focus back to the ground, I noticed it was very far away from me. Fields and towns had become unrecognizable, and all the different colors of the countryside were blending into a uniform bright gray, interrupted only by the vivid white of the clouds scattered in fluffy masses over Ireland and the west of England. Now I could see the outlines of northern France and Ireland, and most of the island of Britain, except where Scotland extended beyond the horizon to the north, or where the coast was obscured or hidden by clouds. The sea was a dull gray, and darker than the land; and the entire scene was slowly rotating towards the east.
All this had happened so swiftly that, until I was some thousand miles or so from the earth, I had no thought for myself. But now I perceived I had neither hands nor feet, neither parts nor organs, and that I felt neither alarm nor pain. All about me I perceived that the vacancy (for I had already left the air behind) was cold beyond the imagination of man; but it troubled me not. The sun’s rays shot through the void, powerless to light or heat until they should strike on matter in their course. I saw things with a serene self-forgetfulness, even as if I were God. And down below there, rushing away from me,—countless miles in a second,—where a little dark spot on the grey marked the position of London, two doctors were struggling to restore life to the poor hacked and outworn shell I had abandoned. I felt then such release, such serenity as I can compare to no mortal delight I have ever known.
All of this happened so quickly that, until I was about a thousand miles from Earth, I didn't think about myself at all. But now I realized I had no hands or feet, no parts or organs, and I felt neither fear nor pain. All around me, I noticed that the emptiness (since I had already left the atmosphere behind) was colder than anything humans could imagine; but it didn’t bother me. The sun’s rays shot through the void, unable to light or warm anything until they hit an object in their path. I observed everything with a calm self-forgetfulness, as if I were God. And down there, rushing away from me—countless miles in a second—where a small dark spot on the gray indicated the location of London, two doctors were trying to bring life back to the poor, battered shell I had left behind. In that moment, I felt such release, such peace, that I can't compare it to any earthly pleasure I've ever experienced.
It was only after I had perceived all these things that the meaning of that headlong rush of the earth grew into comprehension. Yet it was so simple, so obvious, that I was amazed at my never anticipating the thing that was happening to me. I had suddenly been cut adrift from matter: all that was material of me was there upon earth, whirling away through space, held to the earth by gravitation, partaking of the earth-inertia, moving in its wreath of epicycles round the sun, and with the sun and the planets on their vast march through space. But the immaterial has no inertia, feels nothing of the[118] pull of matter for matter: where it parts from its garment of flesh, there it remains (so far as space concerns it any longer) immovable in space. I was not leaving the earth: the earth was leaving me, and not only the earth, but the whole solar system was streaming past. And about me in space, invisible to me, scattered in the wake of the earth upon its journey, there must be an innumerable multitude of souls, stripped like myself of the material, stripped like myself of the passions of the individual and the generous emotions of the gregarious brute, naked intelligences, things of newborn wonder and thought, marvelling at the strange release that had suddenly come on them!
It was only after I noticed all these things that I finally understood the meaning behind that wild rush of the earth. Yet, it was so simple and so obvious that I was shocked I never saw it coming. I had suddenly been disconnected from the physical: everything that was material about me was down on earth, spinning away through space, held to the earth by gravity, experiencing the earth's inertia, moving in its path around the sun, along with the sun and the planets on their vast journey through space. But the immaterial has no inertia; it isn’t affected by the pull of matter. Wherever it separates from its physical form, it remains (as far as space is concerned) motionless in space. I wasn’t leaving the earth; the earth was leaving me, and not just the earth, but the entire solar system was racing past me. And around me in space, invisible to me, scattered in the wake of the earth on its journey, there must be countless souls, like me stripped of the material, free of individual passions and the collective emotions of the social animal, pure intelligences, beings of fresh wonder and thought, astonished by the strange liberation that had suddenly come upon them!
As I receded faster and faster from the strange white sun in the black heavens, and from the broad and shining earth upon which my being had begun, I seemed to grow, in some incredible manner, vast: vast as regards this world I had left, vast as regards the moments and periods of a human life. Very soon I saw the full circle of the earth, slightly gibbous, like the moon when she nears her full, but very large; and the silvery shape of America was now in the noonday blaze wherein (as it seemed) little England had been basking but a few minutes ago. At first the earth was large, and shone in the heavens, filling a great part of them; but every moment she grew smaller and more distant. As she shrunk, the broad moon in its third quarter crept into view over the rim of her disc. I looked for the constellations. Only that part of Aries directly behind the sun and the Lion, which the earth covered, were hidden. I recognised the tortuous,[119] tattered band of the Milky Way, with Vega very bright between sun and earth; and Sirius and Orion shone splendid against the unfathomable blackness in the opposite quarter of the heavens. The Pole Star was overhead, and the Great Bear hung over the circle of the earth. And away beneath and beyond the shining corona of the sun were strange groupings of stars I had never seen in my life—notably, a dagger-shaped group that I knew for the Southern Cross. All these were no larger than when they had shone on earth; but the little stars that one scarce sees shone now against the setting of black vacancy as brightly as the first-magnitudes had done, while the larger worlds were points of indescribable glory and colour. Aldebaran was a spot of blood-red fire, and Sirius condensed to one point the light of a world of sapphires. And they shone steadily: they did not scintillate, they were calmly glorious. My impressions had an adamantine hardness and brightness: there was no blurring softness, no atmosphere, nothing but infinite darkness set with the myriads of these acute and brilliant points and specks of light. Presently, when I looked again, the little earth seemed no bigger than the sun, and it dwindled and turned as I looked, until, in a second’s space (as it seemed to me), it was halved; and so it went on swiftly dwindling. Far away in the opposite direction, a little pinkish pin’s head of light, shining steadily, was the planet Mars. I swam motionless in vacancy, and, without a trace of terror or astonishment, watched the speck of cosmic dust we call the world fall away from me.
As I moved further away from the strange white sun in the black sky and the broad, shining Earth where my existence had begun, I felt, in some amazing way, incredibly vast: vast compared to the world I had left behind, and vast in relation to the moments and periods of human life. Soon, I could see the full circle of the Earth, slightly rounder at the edges like the moon before it’s full, but much larger; and the silvery shape of America was now bathed in the midday light where (it seemed) little England had been basking just moments ago. At first, the Earth looked large and bright in the sky, filling up a significant part of it; but every moment it grew smaller and more distant. As it shrank, the bright moon in its third quarter appeared over the edge of the Earth. I looked for constellations. Only the part of Aries directly behind the sun and the part of the Lion that the Earth obscured were hidden. I recognized the twisted, tattered band of the Milky Way, with Vega shining brightly between the sun and Earth; and Sirius and Orion glowed magnificently against the unfathomable darkness in the opposite part of the sky. The Pole Star was directly above me, and the Great Bear hovered over the Earth's circle. And far beneath and beyond the shining halo of the sun were strange groups of stars I had never seen in my life—notably, a dagger-shaped group I recognized as the Southern Cross. All these looked no larger than they had on Earth; but the tiny stars, usually hard to see, now shone against the backdrop of black emptiness as brightly as those of first magnitude had before, while the larger worlds were points of indescribable brilliance and color. Aldebaran appeared as a spot of blood-red fire, and Sirius concentrated the light of a sapphire world into a single point. And they shone steadily: they didn’t twinkle, but were calmly radiant. My impressions were sharp and bright: there was no blurring softness, no atmosphere, only infinite darkness sprinkled with countless acute and brilliant points and specks of light. When I looked again, the small Earth seemed no larger than the sun, and it shrank and turned as I watched, until, in what seemed like a moment, it was halved; and it continued to quickly diminish. Far away in the opposite direction, a tiny pinkish point of light, shining steadily, was the planet Mars. I floated motionless in emptiness, and, without any fear or surprise, watched the speck of cosmic dust we call the world drift away from me.
Presently it dawned upon me that my sense of duration had changed: that my mind was moving not faster but infinitely slower, that between each separate impression there was a period of many days. The moon spun once round the earth as I noted this; and I perceived clearly the motion of Mars in his orbit. Moreover, it appeared as if the time between thought and thought grew steadily greater, until at last a thousand years was but a moment in my perception.
Right now, it hit me that my sense of time had shifted: my mind wasn't racing but instead was moving incredibly slowly, and between each distinct thought, there felt like there were many days passing. The moon completed one orbit around the Earth while I realized this, and I clearly noticed Mars moving in his orbit. Furthermore, it seemed like the time between one thought and the next kept increasing, until finally, a thousand years felt like just a moment to me.
At first the constellations had shone motionless against the black background of infinite space; but presently it seemed as though the group of stars about Hercules and the Scorpion was contracting, while Orion and Aldebaran and their neighbours were scattering apart. Flashing suddenly out of the darkness there came a flying multitude of particles of rock, glittering like dust-specks in a sunbeam, and encompassed in a faintly luminous haze. They swirled all about me, and vanished again in a twinkling far behind. And then I saw that a bright spot of light, that shone a little to one side of my path, was growing very rapidly larger, and perceived that it was the planet Saturn rushing towards me. Larger and larger it grew, swallowing up the heavens behind it, and hiding every moment a fresh multitude of stars. I perceived its flattened, whirling body, its disc-like belt, and seven of its little satellites. It grew and grew, till it towered enormous; and then I plunged amid a streaming multitude of clashing stones and dancing dust-particles and gas-eddies, and saw for a moment the mighty triple belt like three concentric arches of moonlight[121] above me, its shadow black on the boiling tumult below. These things happened in one-tenth of the time it takes to tell of them. The planet went by like a flash of lightning; for a few seconds it blotted out the sun, and there and then became a mere black, dwindling, winged patch against the light. The earth, the mother mote of my being, I could no longer see.
At first, the constellations were motionless against the vast blackness of space; but soon it felt like the group of stars around Hercules and the Scorpion was getting closer together, while Orion, Aldebaran, and their neighbors were spreading apart. Suddenly, out of the darkness, a flurry of particles flew by, sparkling like dust motes in a sunbeam and surrounded by a faintly glowing haze. They swirled around me and disappeared in an instant behind. Then I noticed a bright spot of light, just off to the side of my path, growing quickly larger, and I realized it was the planet Saturn rushing towards me. It kept getting bigger, swallowing the sky behind it and hiding more and more stars. I saw its flattened, spinning shape, its disc-like rings, and seven of its small moons. It grew and grew until it loomed large; then I plunged into a stream of colliding rocks, dancing dust particles, and gas whirlwinds, catching a glimpse of its magnificent triple ring like three overlapping arches of moonlight[121] above me, casting a shadow over the chaotic turmoil below. All this happened in a fraction of the time it takes to describe. The planet zipped by like a flash of lightning; for a few seconds it blocked out the sun, and then it shrank into a small black, winged shape against the light. I could no longer see the Earth, the very essence of my being.
So, with a stately swiftness, in the profoundest silence, the solar system fell from me, as it had been a garment, until the sun was a mere star amid the multitude of stars, with its eddy of planet-specks, lost in the confused glittering of the remoter light. I was no longer a denizen of the solar system: I had come to the Outer Universe, I seemed to grasp and comprehend the whole world of matter. Ever more swiftly the stars closed in about the spot where Antares and Vega had vanished in a luminous haze, until that part of the sky had the semblance of a whirling mass of nebulæ, and ever before me yawned vaster gaps of vacant blackness, and the stars shone fewer and fewer. It seemed as if I moved towards a point between Orion’s belt and sword; and the void about that region opened vaster and vaster every second, an incredible gulf of nothingness, into which I was falling. Faster and ever faster the universe rushed by, a hurry of whirling motes at last, speeding silently into the void. Stars glowing brighter and brighter, with their circling planets catching the light in a ghostly fashion as I neared them, shone out and vanished again into inexistence; faint comets, clusters of meteorites, winking specks of matter, eddying light points, whizzed past, some perhaps a hundred millions[122] of miles or so from me at most, few nearer, travelling with unimaginable rapidity, shooting constellations, momentary darts of fire, through that black, enormous night. More than anything else it was like a dusty draught, sunbeam-lit. Broader, and wider, and deeper grew the starless space, the vacant Beyond, into which I was being drawn. At last a quarter of the heavens was black and blank, and the whole headlong rush of stellar universe closed in behind me like a veil of light that is gathered together. It drove away from me like a monstrous jack-o’-lantern driven by the wind. I had come out into the wilderness of space. Ever the vacant blackness grew broader, until the hosts of the stars seemed only like a swarm of fiery specks hurrying away from me, inconceivably remote, and the darkness, the nothingness and emptiness, was about me on every side. Soon the little universe of matter, the cage of points in which I had begun to be, was dwindling, now to a whirling disc of luminous glittering, and now to one minute disc of hazy light. In a little while it would shrink to a point, and at last would vanish altogether.
So, with a grand swiftness, in the deepest silence, the solar system slipped away from me, as if it were a piece of clothing, until the sun became just another star among countless others, with its swirl of tiny planets lost in the chaotic sparkle of distant light. I was no longer part of the solar system: I had entered the Outer Universe, and I felt like I could grasp and understand the entire world of matter. The stars quickly circled around the spot where Antares and Vega had disappeared into a glowing haze, until that part of the sky resembled a swirling mass of nebulae, and infinite expanses of empty blackness opened up before me, with fewer and fewer stars shining. It felt like I was moving toward a point between Orion’s belt and sword; the void in that area expanded wider every moment, an astonishing chasm of nothingness that I was falling into. Faster and faster, the universe sped by, a flurry of swirling particles at last, rushing silently into the void. Stars shone brighter and brighter, with their orbiting planets catching the light in a ghostly way as I approached them, only to shine out and then vanish into nonexistence again; faint comets, clusters of meteorites, tiny flickers of matter, swirling lights zipped past, some maybe a hundred million miles away at most, few closer, moving with unimaginable speed, shooting constellations, brief bursts of fire, through that vast, dark night. More than anything else, it felt like a dusty breeze, illuminated by sunlight. The starless space, the empty Beyond, grew broader, wider, and deeper as I was drawn in. Eventually, a quarter of the sky was black and blank, and the entire rush of the stellar universe closed in behind me like a veil of light being collected. It moved away from me like a giant jack-o’-lantern blown by the wind. I had stepped into the wilderness of space. The empty blackness expanded until the clusters of stars seemed like a swarm of glowing specks racing away from me, inconceivably distant, while darkness, nothingness, and emptiness surrounded me on all sides. Soon, the little universe of matter, the cage of points where I had begun, shrank down to a spinning disc of luminous glitter, then to a tiny disc of hazy light. In no time, it would shrink to a single point, and eventually vanish altogether.
Suddenly feeling came back to me—feeling in the shape of overwhelming terror: such a dread of those dark vastitudes as no words can describe, a passionate resurgence of sympathy and social desire. Were there other souls, invisible to me as I to them, about me in the blackness? or was I indeed, even as I felt, alone? Had I passed out of being into something that was neither being nor not-being? The covering of the body, the covering of matter, had been torn from me, and the hallucinations of[123] companionship and security. Everything was black and silent. I had ceased to be. I was nothing. There was nothing, save only that infinitesimal dot of light that dwindled in the gulf. I strained myself to hear and see, and for a while there was naught but infinite silence, intolerable darkness, horror, and despair.
Suddenly, I felt something again—overwhelming terror: an indescribable dread of those dark, endless spaces, a powerful surge of empathy and the need for connection. Were there other souls around me, just as invisible to me as I was to them, in the darkness? Or was I truly, as I felt, alone? Had I moved beyond existence into something that was neither being nor non-being? The physical form, the cover of matter, had been stripped away from me, along with the illusions of companionship and safety. Everything was black and silent. I had stopped existing. I was nothing. There was nothing, except for that tiny speck of light that faded in the void. I strained to hear and see, and for a while, there was nothing but infinite silence, unbearable darkness, horror, and despair.
Then I saw that about the spot of light into which the whole world of matter had shrunk there was a faint glow. And in a band on either side of that the darkness was not absolute. I watched it for ages, as it seemed to me, and through the long waiting the haze grew imperceptibly more distinct. And then about the band appeared an irregular cloud of the faintest, palest brown. I felt a passionate impatience; but the things grew brighter so slowly that they scarce seemed to change. What was unfolding itself? What was this strange reddish dawn in the interminable night of space?
Then I noticed that around the spot of light where the entire physical world had shrunk, there was a faint glow. And on either side of that glow, the darkness wasn’t complete. I stared at it for what felt like ages, and through the long wait, the haze gradually became a little clearer. Then around the glow, an irregular cloud of the faintest, lightest brown appeared. I felt a strong impatience; however, the things brightened so slowly that they barely seemed to change. What was revealing itself? What was this strange reddish dawn in the endless night of space?
The cloud’s shape was grotesque. It seemed to be looped along its lower side into four projecting masses, and, above, it ended in a straight line. What phantom was it? I felt assured I had seen that figure before; but I could not think what, nor where, nor when it was. Then the realisation rushed upon me. It was a clenched Hand. I was alone in space, alone with this huge, shadowy Hand, upon which the whole Universe of Matter lay like an unconsidered speck of dust. It seemed as though I watched it through vast periods of time. On the forefinger glittered a ring; and the universe from which I had come was but a spot of light upon the ring’s curvature. And the thing that the hand gripped had the likeness of a black rod. Through[124] a long eternity I watched this Hand, with the ring and the rod, marvelling and fearing and waiting helplessly on what might follow. It seemed as though nothing could follow: that I should watch for ever, seeing only the Hand and the thing it held, and understanding nothing of its import. Was the whole universe but a refracting speck upon some greater Being? Were our worlds but the atoms of another universe, and those again of another, and so on through an endless progression? And what was I? Was I indeed immaterial? A vague persuasion of a body gathering about me came into my suspense. The abysmal darkness about the Hand filled with impalpable suggestions, with uncertain, fluctuating shapes.
The cloud’s shape was strange and unsettling. It looked like it was looped on its lower side into four protruding masses, and above, it ended in a straight line. What kind of ghost was it? I was certain I had seen that shape before, but I couldn’t remember where, when, or what it was. Then it hit me. It was a clenched Hand. I was alone in space, alone with this massive, shadowy Hand, on which the entire Universe of Matter appeared like an unnoticed speck of dust. It felt like I was watching it over an endless stretch of time. A ring glittered on the forefinger; and the universe I had come from was just a dot of light on the curve of the ring. The thing that the hand held looked like a black rod. Through[124] a long eternity, I observed this Hand, with the ring and the rod, amazed and scared, helplessly waiting for what might happen next. It seemed like nothing could happen: that I would watch forever, seeing only the Hand and what it held, without understanding its meaning. Was the whole universe just a tiny reflection on some greater Being? Were our worlds merely atoms of another universe, and those again of another, and so on in an endless chain? And what was I? Was I truly immaterial? A vague sense of a body started to gather around me in my uncertainty. The deep darkness surrounding the Hand was filled with indescribable hints, with shifting, unclear shapes.
Then, suddenly, came a sound, like the sound of a tolling bell: faint, as if infinitely far; muffled, as though heard through thick swathings of darkness: a deep, vibrating resonance, with vast gulfs of silence between each stroke. And the Hand appeared to tighten on the rod. And I saw far above the Hand, towards the apex of the darkness, a circle of dim phosphorescence, a ghostly sphere whence these sounds came throbbing; and at the last stroke the Hand vanished, for the hour had come, and I heard a noise of many waters. But the black rod remained as a great band across the sky. And then a voice, which seemed to run to the uttermost parts of space, spoke, saying, “There will be no more pain.”
Then, suddenly, there was a sound, like a ringing bell: faint, as if it were miles away; muffled, as if it were heard through layers of darkness: a deep, vibrating echo, with vast pauses of silence between each strike. The Hand seemed to tighten on the rod. I saw far above the Hand, toward the top of the darkness, a circle of dim light, a ghostly sphere from which these sounds pulsed; and with the last toll, the Hand disappeared, for the time had come, and I heard the sound of rushing waters. But the dark rod remained as a massive band across the sky. Then a voice, which seemed to reach the farthest corners of space, spoke, saying, “There will be no more pain.”
At that an almost intolerable gladness and radiance rushed in upon me, and I saw the circle shining white and bright, and the rod black and shining, and many things else distinct and clear. And the[125] circle was the face of the clock, and the rod the rail of my bed. Haddon was standing at the foot, against the rail, with a small pair of scissors on his fingers; and the hands of my clock on the mantel over his shoulder were clasped together over the hour of twelve. Mowbray was washing something in a basin at the octagonal table, and at my side I felt a subdued feeling that could scarce be spoken of as pain.
At that moment, an overwhelming feeling of joy and brightness flooded over me, and I saw the circle shining white and bright, and the rod black and shiny, along with many other things that were distinct and clear. And the[125] circle was the face of the clock, and the rod was the rail of my bed. Haddon was standing at the foot, leaning against the rail, with a small pair of scissors in his hand; and the hands of my clock on the mantel behind him were pointed together at twelve o'clock. Mowbray was washing something in a basin at the octagonal table, and next to me, I felt a muted sensation that could hardly be described as pain.
The operation had not killed me. And I perceived, suddenly, that the dull melancholy of half a year was lifted from my mind.
The surgery hadn't killed me. And I realized, all of a sudden, that the heavy sadness that had been hanging over me for half a year was gone.
THE SEA RAIDERS
I
Until the extraordinary affair at Sidmouth, the peculiar species Haploteuthis ferox was known to science only generically, on the strength of a half-digested tentacle obtained near the Azores, and a decaying body pecked by birds and nibbled by fish, found early in 1896 by Mr. Jennings, near Land’s End.
Until the remarkable event at Sidmouth, the unusual species Haploteuthis ferox was known to science only by its type, based on a partly digested tentacle found near the Azores and a decaying body that had been pecked by birds and nibbled by fish, discovered in early 1896 by Mr. Jennings near Land’s End.
In no department of zoological science, indeed, are we quite so much in the dark as with regard to the deep-sea cephalopods. A mere accident, for instance, it was that led to the Prince of Monaco’s discovery of nearly a dozen new forms in the summer of 1895, a discovery in which the before-mentioned tentacle was included. It chanced that a cachalot was killed off Terceira by some sperm whalers, and in its last struggles charged almost to the Prince’s yacht, missed it, rolled under, and died within twenty yards of his rudder. And in its agony it threw up a number of large objects, which the Prince, dimly perceiving they were strange and important, was, by a happy expedient, able to secure before they sank. He set[127] his screws in motion, and kept them circling in the vortices thus created until a boat could be lowered. And these specimens were whole cephalopods and fragments of cephalopods, some of gigantic proportions, and almost all of them unknown to science!
In no area of zoological science are we as in the dark as we are about deep-sea cephalopods. It was purely by chance that the Prince of Monaco discovered nearly a dozen new species in the summer of 1895, which included the previously mentioned tentacle. A sperm whale was killed off Terceira by sperm whalers, and in its last struggles, it charged almost toward the Prince’s yacht, missed it, rolled underneath, and died within twenty yards of the rudder. In its agony, it released several large objects, which the Prince, realizing they were unusual and significant, managed to collect before they sank. He set[127] his screws in motion and kept them circling in the whirlpools created until a boat could be lowered. These specimens included whole cephalopods and fragments of cephalopods, some of enormous size, and almost all of them unknown to science!
It would seem, indeed, that these large and agile creatures, living in the middle depths of the sea, must, to a large extent, for ever remain unknown to us, since under water they are too nimble for nets, and it is only by such rare unlooked-for accidents that specimens can be obtained. In the case of Haploteuthis ferox, for instance, we are still altogether ignorant of its habitat, as ignorant as we are of the breeding-ground of the herring or the sea-ways of the salmon. And zoologists are altogether at a loss to account for its sudden appearance on our coast. Possibly it was the stress of a hunger migration that drove it hither out of the deep. But it will be, perhaps, better to avoid necessarily inconclusive discussion, and to proceed at once with our narrative.
It seems that these large and agile creatures, living in the mid-levels of the sea, will likely remain largely unknown to us forever, as they are too quick for nets underwater, and we can only obtain specimens through rare, unexpected events. For example, in the case of Haploteuthis ferox, we are still completely unaware of its habitat, just as we are clueless about where herring breed or the migratory paths of salmon. Zoologists are totally puzzled by its sudden appearance along our coast. It’s possible that a hunger migration drove it out of the depths and here. However, it might be better to skip any inevitably inconclusive discussions and just continue with our story.
The first human being to set eyes upon a living Haploteuthis—the first human being to survive, that is, for there can be little doubt now that the wave of bathing fatalities and boating accidents that travelled along the coast of Cornwall and Devon in early May was due to this cause—was a retired tea-dealer of the name of Fison, who was stopping at a Sidmouth boarding-house. It was in the afternoon, and he was walking along the cliff path between Sidmouth and Ladram Bay. The cliffs in this direction are very high, but down the red face of them in one[128] place a kind of ladder staircase has been made. He was near this when his attention was attracted by what at first he thought to be a cluster of birds struggling over a fragment of food that caught the sunlight, and glistened pinkish-white. The tide was right out, and this object was not only far below him, but remote across a broad waste of rock reefs covered with dark seaweed and interspersed with silvery shining tidal pools. And he was, moreover, dazzled by the brightness of the further water.
The first person to see a living Haploteuthis—or the first person to survive, since it's clear now that the multiple drowning incidents and boating mishaps along the coast of Cornwall and Devon in early May were caused by this—was a retired tea dealer named Fison, who was staying at a boarding house in Sidmouth. It was the afternoon, and he was walking along the cliff path between Sidmouth and Ladram Bay. The cliffs in this area are very high, but down their red face, there’s a sort of staircase made from a ladder. He was near this when he noticed what at first looked like a group of birds fighting over a piece of food that caught the sunlight and shimmered pinkish-white. The tide was fully out, and this object was not only far below him but also distant across a broad stretch of rocky reefs covered in dark seaweed and dotted with shining tidal pools. Plus, he was dazzled by the brightness of the water further out.
In a minute, regarding this again, he perceived that his judgment was in fault, for over this struggle circled a number of birds, jackdaws and gulls for the most part, the latter gleaming blindingly when the sunlight smote their wings, and they seemed minute in comparison with it. And his curiosity was, perhaps, aroused all the more strongly because of his first insufficient explanations.
In a minute, thinking about this again, he realized that he had misjudged the situation, as a number of birds circled over the struggle, mostly jackdaws and gulls. The gulls shone brightly when the sunlight hit their wings, making them seem small in comparison. His curiosity was perhaps even more piqued because of his earlier inadequate explanations.
As he had nothing better to do than amuse himself, he decided to make this object, whatever it was, the goal of his afternoon walk, instead of Ladram Bay, conceiving it might perhaps be a great fish of some sort, stranded by some chance, and flapping about in its distress. And so he hurried down the long steep ladder, stopping at intervals of thirty feet or so to take breath and scan the mysterious movement.
As he had nothing better to do than entertain himself, he decided to make this object, whatever it was, the focus of his afternoon walk instead of heading to Ladram Bay, thinking it might be some kind of big fish, stranded by chance, flailing around in its distress. So he hurried down the long, steep ladder, pausing every thirty feet or so to catch his breath and check out the strange movement.
At the foot of the cliff he was, of course, nearer his object than he had been; but, on the other hand, it now came up against the incandescent sky, beneath the sun, so as to seem dark and indistinct. Whatever was pinkish of it was now hidden by a skerry of[129] weedy boulders. But he perceived that it was made up of seven rounded bodies, distinct or connected, and that the birds kept up a constant croaking and screaming, but seemed afraid to approach it too closely.
At the base of the cliff, he was, of course, closer to his target than before; however, now it stood against the blazing sky, under the sun, making it look dark and blurry. Whatever pinkish hue it had was now concealed by a cluster of[129]weedy boulders. Yet, he noticed that it consisted of seven rounded shapes, either separate or joined, and the birds kept croaking and screaming but appeared hesitant to get too close.
Mr. Fison, torn by curiosity, began picking his way across the wave-worn rocks, and, finding the wet seaweed that covered them thickly rendered them extremely slippery, he stopped, removed his shoes and socks, and coiled his trousers above his knees. His object was, of course, merely to avoid stumbling into the rocky pools about him, and perhaps he was rather glad, as all men are, of an excuse to resume, even for a moment, the sensations of his boyhood. At anyrate, it is to this, no doubt, that he owes his life.
Mr. Fison, filled with curiosity, started making his way across the wave-worn rocks. He noticed that the wet seaweed covering them made them really slippery, so he stopped, took off his shoes and socks, and rolled up his trousers above his knees. His goal was simply to avoid tripping into the rocky pools around him, and maybe he was a bit happy, like all men are, to have a reason to briefly relive the feelings of his boyhood. In any case, it’s probably because of this that he owes his life.
He approached his mark with all the assurance which the absolute security of this country against all forms of animal life gives its inhabitants. The round bodies moved to and fro, but it was only when he surmounted the skerry of boulders I have mentioned that he realised the horrible nature of the discovery. It came upon him with some suddenness.
He approached his target with the confidence that the complete safety of this country offers its people against all kinds of wildlife. The round shapes shifted back and forth, but it was only when he climbed over the pile of boulders I mentioned that he understood the terrifying nature of the discovery. It hit him with some suddenness.
The rounded bodies fell apart as he came into sight over the ridge, and displayed the pinkish object to be the partially devoured body of a human being, but whether of a man or woman he was unable to say. And the rounded bodies were new and ghastly-looking creatures, in shape somewhat resembling an octopus, and with huge and very long and flexible tentacles, coiled copiously on the ground. The skin[130] had a glistening texture, unpleasant to see, like shiny leather. The downward bend of the tentacle-surrounded mouth, the curious excrescence at the bend, the tentacles, and the large intelligent eyes, gave the creatures a grotesque suggestion of a face. They were the size of a fair-sized swine about the body, and the tentacles seemed to him to be many feet in length. There were, he thinks, seven or eight at least of the creatures. Twenty yards beyond them, amid the surf of the now returning tide, two others were emerging from the sea.
The rounded bodies fell apart as he came into view over the ridge, revealing the pinkish object to be the partially eaten body of a human, but he couldn't tell if it was a man or a woman. The rounded bodies were new, ghastly-looking creatures that somewhat resembled an octopus, with huge, long, and flexible tentacles sprawling extensively on the ground. The skin[130] had a shiny texture, unpleasant to look at, like slick leather. The downward curve of the tentacle-surrounded mouth, the odd growth at the bend, the tentacles, and the large, intelligent eyes gave the creatures a grotesque resemblance to a face. They were the size of a decent-sized pig in terms of body, and the tentacles seemed to be several feet long. He believed there were at least seven or eight of the creatures. Twenty yards beyond them, in the surf of the now returning tide, two others were rising from the sea.
Their bodies lay flatly on the rocks, and their eyes regarded him with evil interest; but it does not appear that Mr. Fison was afraid, or that he realised that he was in any danger. Possibly his confidence is to be ascribed to the limpness of their attitudes. But he was horrified, of course, and intensely excited and indignant at such revolting creatures preying upon human flesh. He thought they had chanced upon a drowned body. He shouted to them, with the idea of driving them off, and, finding they did not budge, cast about him, picked up a big rounded lump of rock, and flung it at one.
Their bodies lay flat on the rocks, and their eyes watched him with a sinister interest; but it didn’t seem like Mr. Fison was scared, or that he understood he was in any danger. Maybe his confidence came from their limp postures. But he was definitely horrified, really excited, and outraged by such disgusting beings feeding on human flesh. He thought they had stumbled upon a drowned body. He shouted at them, hoping to scare them off, and when they didn’t move, he looked around, grabbed a large round rock, and threw it at one of them.
And then, slowly uncoiling their tentacles, they all began moving towards him—creeping at first deliberately, and making a soft purring sound to each other.
And then, slowly unwrapping their tentacles, they all started moving towards him—crawling at first intentionally, and making a soft purring sound to one another.
In a moment Mr. Fison realised that he was in danger. He shouted again, threw both his boots, and started off, with a leap, forthwith. Twenty yards off he stopped and faced about, judging them slow, and behold! the tentacles of their leader were[131] already pouring over the rocky ridge on which he had just been standing!
In an instant, Mr. Fison realized he was in trouble. He shouted again, tossed off both his boots, and jumped away without hesitation. Twenty yards away, he paused and turned around, thinking they were slow, and to his surprise, the tentacles of their leader were already spilling over the rocky ridge he had just been standing on!
At that he shouted again, but this time not threatening, but a cry of dismay, and began jumping, striding, slipping, wading across the uneven expanse between him and the beach. The tall red cliffs seemed suddenly at a vast distance, and he saw, as though they were creatures in another world, two minute workmen engaged in the repair of the ladder-way, and little suspecting the race for life that was beginning below them. At one time he could hear the creatures splashing in the pools not a dozen feet behind him, and once he slipped and almost fell.
At that, he shouted again, but this time it wasn’t a threat, just a cry of panic, and he started jumping, striding, slipping, and wading across the uneven stretch between him and the beach. The tall red cliffs suddenly felt like they were miles away, and he saw, like they were beings from another world, two tiny workers fixing the ladder, completely unaware of the life-or-death race happening below them. At one point, he could hear the creatures splashing in the pools just a few feet behind him, and once he slipped and nearly fell.
They chased him to the very foot of the cliffs, and desisted only when he had been joined by the workmen at the foot of the ladder-way up the cliff. All three of the men pelted them with stones for a time, and then hurried to the cliff top and along the path towards Sidmouth, to secure assistance and a boat, and to rescue the desecrated body from the clutches of these abominable creatures.
They chased him all the way to the base of the cliffs and only stopped when he was joined by the workers at the bottom of the ladder leading up the cliff. The three men threw stones at them for a while and then rushed to the top of the cliff and along the path toward Sidmouth to get help and a boat, intending to save the desecrated body from the grasp of those horrific creatures.
II
And, as if he had not already been in sufficient peril that day, Mr. Fison went with the boat to point out the exact spot of his adventure.
And, as if he hadn't already faced enough danger that day, Mr. Fison took the boat to show exactly where his adventure happened.
As the tide was down, it required a considerable detour to reach the spot, and when at last they came off the ladder-way, the mangled body had[132] disappeared. The water was now running in, submerging first one slab of slimy rock and then another, and the four men in the boat—the workmen, that is, the boatman, and Mr. Fison—now turned their attention from the bearings off shore to the water beneath the keel.
As the tide was low, they had to take a long route to get to the spot, and when they finally got off the ladder, the mangled body had[132] disappeared. The water was coming in, covering one slippery rock slab after another, and the four men in the boat—the workers, the boatman, and Mr. Fison—now shifted their focus from the shoreline to the water beneath the boat.
At first they could see little below them, save a dark jungle of laminaria, with an occasional darting fish. Their minds were set on adventure, and they expressed their disappointment freely. But presently they saw one of the monsters swimming through the water seaward, with a curious rolling motion that suggested to Mr. Fison the spinning roll of a captive balloon. Almost immediately after, the waving streamers of laminaria were extraordinarily perturbed, parted for a moment, and three of these beasts became darkly visible, struggling for what was probably some fragment of the drowned man. In a moment the copious olive-green ribbons had poured again over this writhing group.
At first, they could hardly see anything below them, except for a dark jungle of seaweed, with an occasional fish darting by. They were all geared up for an adventure and openly shared their disappointment. But soon, they spotted one of the creatures swimming seaward, moving with a strange rolling motion that reminded Mr. Fison of a spinning balloon tied to a string. Almost right after that, the waving strands of seaweed were disrupted, parted momentarily, revealing three of these creatures clearly visible as they struggled over what was likely a piece of the drowned man. In an instant, the thick olive-green ribbons of seaweed flowed back over the writhing group.
At that all four men, greatly excited, began beating the water with oars and shouting, and immediately they saw a tumultuous movement among the weeds. They desisted to see more clearly, and as soon as the water was smooth, they saw, as it seemed to them, the whole sea bottom among the weeds set with eyes.
At that moment, all four men, very excited, started splashing the water with their oars and shouting, and right away they noticed a chaotic movement among the weeds. They stopped to get a better look, and as soon as the water calmed down, they saw what looked like the entire seabed among the weeds covered with eyes.
“Ugly swine!” cried one of the men. “Why, there’s dozens!”
“Ugh, disgusting pigs!” shouted one of the guys. “Look, there are so many!”
And forthwith the things began to rise through the water about them. Mr. Fison has since described to the writer this startling eruption out of[133] the waving laminaria meadows. To him it seemed to occupy a considerable time, but it is probable that really it was an affair of a few seconds only. For a time nothing but eyes, and then he speaks of tentacles streaming out and parting the weed fronds this way and that. Then these things, growing larger, until at last the bottom was hidden by their intercoiling forms, and the tips of tentacles rose darkly here and there into the air above the swell of the waters.
And right away, things started to rise up through the water around them. Mr. Fison has since described this shocking eruption out of[133] the waving kelp meadows to the writer. It felt like it took a long time to him, but it was probably just a matter of a few seconds. At first, there were only eyes visible, and then he started talking about tentacles reaching out and pushing the fronds of seaweed aside. Then these things grew larger until finally, the bottom was covered by their intertwined shapes, and the tips of the tentacles occasionally jutted up darkly into the air above the swell of the water.
One came up boldly to the side of the boat, and, clinging to this with three of its sucker-set tentacles, threw four others over the gunwale, as if with an intention either of oversetting the boat or of clambering into it. Mr. Fison at once caught up the boathook, and, jabbing furiously at the soft tentacles, forced it to desist. He was struck in the back and almost pitched overboard by the boatman, who was using his oar to resist a similar attack on the other side of the boat. But the tentacles on either side at once relaxed their hold at this, slid out of sight, and splashed into the water.
One boldly approached the side of the boat, and, gripping it with three of its sucker-covered tentacles, tossed four others over the edge, as if trying to either tip the boat over or climb inside. Mr. Fison quickly grabbed the boathook and, jabbing aggressively at the soft tentacles, forced it to back off. He was struck in the back and nearly sent overboard by the boatman, who was using his oar to fend off a similar attack on the other side of the boat. But the tentacles on both sides immediately relaxed their grip, slid out of sight, and splashed into the water.
“We’d better get out of this,” said Mr. Fison, who was trembling violently. He went to the tiller, while the boatman and one of the workmen seated themselves and began rowing. The other workman stood up in the fore part of the boat, with the boathook, ready to strike any more tentacles that might appear. Nothing else seems to have been said. Mr. Fison had expressed the common feeling beyond amendment. In a hushed, scared mood, with faces white and drawn, they set about escaping from[134] the position into which they had so recklessly blundered.
“We should get out of here,” said Mr. Fison, shaking violently. He approached the tiller, while the boatman and one of the workers took their seats and started rowing. The other worker stood at the front of the boat with the boathook, ready to hit any more tentacles that might show up. Nothing else seemed to be said. Mr. Fison had voiced the shared feeling perfectly. In a quiet, frightened mood, with their faces pale and tense, they set about escaping from[134] the situation they had carelessly stumbled into.
But the oars had scarcely dropped into the water before dark, tapering, serpentine ropes had bound them, and were about the rudder; and creeping up the sides of the boat with a looping motion came the suckers again. The men gripped their oars and pulled, but it was like trying to move a boat in a floating raft of weeds. “Help here!” cried the boatman, and Mr. Fison and the second workman rushed to help lug at the oar.
But the oars had barely touched the water before dark, thin, snake-like ropes wrapped around them and the rudder. The suckers started creeping up the sides of the boat in a looping motion. The men held onto their oars and pulled, but it felt like trying to move a boat in a mass of floating weeds. “Help here!” shouted the boatman, and Mr. Fison and the second worker hurried to assist with the oar.
Then the man with the boathook—his name was Ewan, or Ewen—sprang up with a curse, and began striking downward over the side, as far as he could reach, at the bank of tentacles that now clustered along the boat’s bottom. And, at the same time, the two rowers stood up to get a better purchase for the recovery of their oars. The boatman handed his to Mr. Fison, who lugged desperately, and, meanwhile, the boatman opened a big clasp-knife, and, leaning over the side of the boat, began hacking at the spiring arms upon the oar shaft.
Then the guy with the boathook—his name was Ewan, or Ewen—jumped up with a curse and started striking down over the side, as far as he could reach, at the mass of tentacles that had gathered along the bottom of the boat. At the same time, the two rowers stood up to get a better grip for recovering their oars. The boatman handed his oar to Mr. Fison, who was pulling desperately, while the boatman opened a big clasp knife and, leaning over the side of the boat, began chopping at the swirling arms on the oar shaft.
Mr. Fison, staggering with the quivering rocking of the boat, his teeth set, his breath coming short, and the veins starting on his hands as he pulled at his oar, suddenly cast his eyes seaward. And there, not fifty yards off, across the long rollers of the incoming tide, was a large boat standing in towards them, with three women and a little child in it. A boatman was rowing, and a little man in a pink-ribboned straw hat and whites stood in the stern, hailing them. For a moment, of course, Mr. Fison[135] thought of help, and then he thought of the child. He abandoned his oar forthwith, threw up his arms in a frantic gesture, and screamed to the party in the boat to keep away “for God’s sake!” It says much for the modesty and courage of Mr. Fison that he does not seem to be aware that there was any quality of heroism in his action at this juncture. The oar he had abandoned was at once drawn under, and presently reappeared floating about twenty yards away.
Mr. Fison, struggling with the jarring movement of the boat, his teeth clenched, his breath short, and the veins in his hands bulging as he pulled at his oar, suddenly looked out to sea. And there, not fifty yards away, across the long waves of the incoming tide, was a large boat making its way toward them, carrying three women and a small child. A boatman was rowing, and a little man in a pink-ribboned straw hat and white clothes stood at the back, calling out to them. For a moment, Mr. Fison[135] thought about getting help, and then he thought about the child. He immediately dropped his oar, threw his arms up in a desperate gesture, and shouted to the people in the boat to stay away “for God’s sake!” It says a lot about Mr. Fison's humility and bravery that he doesn’t seem to recognize any heroism in his actions at that moment. The oar he had dropped was quickly pulled under, and soon floated back up about twenty yards away.
At the same moment Mr. Fison felt the boat under him lurch violently, and a hoarse scream, a prolonged cry of terror from Hill, the boatman, caused him to forget the party of excursionists altogether. He turned, and saw Hill crouching by the forward rowlock, his face convulsed with terror, and his right arm over the side and drawn tightly down. He gave now a succession of short, sharp cries, “Oh! oh! oh!—oh!” Mr. Fison believes that he must have been hacking at the tentacles below the water-line, and have been grasped by them, but, of course, it is quite impossible to say now certainly what had happened. The boat was heeling over, so that the gunwale was within ten inches of the water, and both Ewan and the other labourer were striking down into the water, with oar and boathook, on either side of Hill’s arm. Mr. Fison instinctively placed himself to counterpoise them.
At the same moment, Mr. Fison felt the boat underneath him lurch violently, and a hoarse scream, a prolonged cry of terror from Hill, the boatman, made him forget all about the group of excursionists. He turned and saw Hill crouching by the front rowlock, his face twisted in fear, with his right arm over the side and pulled tightly down. He now let out a series of short, sharp cries, “Oh! oh! oh!—oh!” Mr. Fison thinks he must have been thrashing at the tentacles below the waterline and got caught by them, but of course, it’s impossible to know for sure what had happened now. The boat was tipping over, with the gunwale just ten inches from the water, and both Ewan and the other laborer were striking down into the water, using an oar and a boathook, on either side of Hill’s arm. Mr. Fison instinctively positioned himself to counterbalance them.
Then Hill, who was a burly, powerful man, made a strenuous effort, and rose almost to a standing position. He lifted his arm, indeed, clean out of the water. Hanging to it was a complicated tangle of[136] brown ropes; and the eyes of one of the brutes that had hold of him, glaring straight and resolute, showed momentarily above the surface. The boat heeled more and more, and the green-brown water came pouring in a cascade over the side. Then Hill slipped and fell with his ribs across the side, and his arm and the mass of tentacles about it splashed back into the water. He rolled over; his boot kicked Mr. Fison’s knee as that gentleman rushed forward to seize him, and in another moment fresh tentacles had whipped about his waist and neck, and after a brief, convulsive struggle, in which the boat was nearly capsized, Hill was lugged overboard. The boat righted with a violent jerk that all but sent Mr. Fison over the other side, and hid the struggle in the water from his eyes.
Then Hill, a big, strong man, made a huge effort and almost stood up. He lifted his arm clean out of the water. Attached to it was a complex mess of[136] brown ropes, and the eyes of one of the creatures holding onto him, staring decisively, appeared briefly above the surface. The boat tilted more and more, and the green-brown water started pouring over the side. Then Hill slipped and fell with his ribs against the edge, and his arm along with the tangle of tentacles splashed back into the water. He rolled over; his boot accidentally hit Mr. Fison’s knee as that gentleman rushed forward to grab him, and in another moment, more tentacles had wrapped around his waist and neck, and after a short, frantic struggle, during which the boat nearly capsized, Hill was pulled overboard. The boat righted itself with a jolt that almost sent Mr. Fison tumbling to the other side, concealing the fight in the water from his view.
He stood staggering to recover his balance for a moment, and as he did so, he became aware that the struggle and the inflowing tide had carried them close upon the weedy rocks again. Not four yards off a table of rock still rose in rhythmic movements above the in-wash of the tide. In a moment Mr. Fison seized the oar from Ewan, gave one vigorous stroke, then, dropping it, ran to the bows and leapt. He felt his feet slide over the rock, and, by a frantic effort, leapt again towards a further mass. He stumbled over this, came to his knees, and rose again.
He stood there for a moment, trying to regain his balance, and as he did, he realized that the struggle and the incoming tide had brought them close to the weedy rocks again. Just four yards away, a rocky outcrop was bobbing up and down with the waves. In an instant, Mr. Fison grabbed the oar from Ewan, took one powerful stroke, then dropped it, ran to the front of the boat, and jumped. He felt his feet slip on the rock and, with a desperate effort, jumped again toward another mass. He tripped over it, went to his knees, and got back up.
“Look out!” cried someone, and a large drab body struck him. He was knocked flat into a tidal pool by one of the workmen, and as he went down he heard smothered, choking cries, that he believed[137] at the time came from Hill. Then he found himself marvelling at the shrillness and variety of Hill’s voice. Someone jumped over him, and a curving rush of foamy water poured over him, and passed. He scrambled to his feet dripping, and, without looking seaward, ran as fast as his terror would let him shoreward. Before him, over the flat space of scattered rocks, stumbled the two workmen—one a dozen yards in front of the other.
“Watch out!” shouted someone, and a big dull body hit him. He was knocked flat into a tidal pool by one of the workers, and as he went down, he heard muffled, choking sounds that he thought[137] came from Hill. Then he found himself amazed by the sharpness and variety of Hill’s voice. Someone leaped over him, and a wave of foamy water crashed over him and passed. He scrambled to his feet, soaking wet, and without looking toward the sea, ran as fast as his fear would allow him toward the shore. In front of him, across the flat area of scattered rocks, the two workers stumbled—one about a dozen yards ahead of the other.
He looked over his shoulder at last, and, seeing that he was not pursued, faced about. He was astonished. From the moment of the rising of the cephalopods out of the water, he had been acting too swiftly to fully comprehend his actions. Now it seemed to him as if he had suddenly jumped out of an evil dream.
He finally looked over his shoulder and, seeing that he wasn't being chased, turned around. He was shocked. Since the moment the cephalopods emerged from the water, he had been moving too fast to really understand what he was doing. Now it felt like he had suddenly woken up from a bad dream.
For there were the sky, cloudless and blazing with the afternoon sun, the sea weltering under its pitiless brightness, the soft creamy foam of the breaking water, and the low, long, dark ridges of rock. The righted boat floated, rising and falling gently on the swell about a dozen yards from shore. Hill and the monsters, all the stress and tumult of that fierce fight for life, had vanished as though they had never been.
For there was the sky, clear and blazing with the afternoon sun, the sea rolling under its harsh brightness, the soft creamy foam of the breaking waves, and the low, long, dark ridges of rock. The righted boat floated, gently rising and falling on the swell about a dozen yards from shore. Hill and the monsters, all the stress and chaos of that fierce fight for survival, had disappeared as if they had never existed.
Mr. Fison’s heart was beating violently; he was throbbing to the finger-tips, and his breath came deep.
Mr. Fison's heart was pounding hard; he felt it all the way to his fingertips, and he was breathing heavily.
There was something missing. For some seconds he could not think clearly enough what this might be. Sun, sky, sea, rocks—what was it? Then he remembered the boatload of excursionists. It had vanished. He wondered whether he had imagined[138] it. He turned, and saw the two workmen standing side by side under the projecting masses of the tall pink cliffs. He hesitated whether he should make one last attempt to save the man Hill. His physical excitement seemed to desert him suddenly, and leave him aimless and helpless. He turned shoreward, stumbling and wading towards his two companions.
There was something off. For a few seconds, he couldn't quite figure out what it was. Sun, sky, sea, rocks—what was missing? Then he remembered the boat full of tourists. It had disappeared. He wondered if he had just imagined it[138]. He turned and saw the two workers standing side by side under the overhanging cliffs of pink rock. He hesitated, considering whether he should make one last effort to save the man, Hill. Suddenly, his physical energy seemed to drain away, leaving him feeling lost and helpless. He turned toward the shore, stumbling and wading back to his two companions.
He looked back again, and there were now two boats floating, and the one farthest out at sea pitched clumsily, bottom upward.
He looked back again, and there were now two boats floating, with the one farthest out at sea tipping awkwardly, bottom up.
III
So it was Haploteuthis ferox made its appearance upon the Devonshire coast. So far, this has been its most serious aggression. Mr. Fison’s account, taken together with the wave of boating and bathing casualties to which I have already alluded, and the absence of fish from the Cornish coasts that year, points clearly to a shoal of these voracious deep-sea monsters prowling slowly along the sub-tidal coastline. Hunger migration has, I know, been suggested as the force that drove them hither; but, for my own part, I prefer to believe the alternative theory of Hemsley. Hemsley holds that a pack or shoal of these creatures may have become enamoured of human flesh by the accident of a foundered ship sinking among them, and have wandered in search of it out of their accustomed zone; first waylaying and following ships, and so coming to our shores in the wake of the Atlantic traffic. But to discuss[139] Hemsley’s cogent and admirably-stated arguments would be out of place here.
So it was Haploteuthis ferox that showed up on the Devonshire coast. Up to now, this has been its most serious attack. Mr. Fison’s account, combined with the increase in boating and swimming accidents I've already mentioned, as well as the lack of fish along the Cornish coasts that year, clearly indicates that a group of these hungry deep-sea monsters was slowly prowling along the underwater coastline. I know that "hunger migration" has been suggested as the reason they came here; however, I personally prefer the alternative theory from Hemsley. Hemsley believes that a group of these creatures may have developed a taste for human flesh after a shipwreck occurred among them, causing them to wander outside their usual territory, initially stalking and following ships, and thus arriving at our shores along with Atlantic traffic. But discussing[139] Hemsley’s strong and well-articulated arguments would be inappropriate here.
It would seem that the appetites of the shoal were satisfied by the catch of eleven people—for so far as can be ascertained, there were ten people in the second boat, and certainly these creatures gave no further signs of their presence off Sidmouth that day. The coast between Seaton and Budleigh Salterton was patrolled all that evening and night by four Preventive Service boats, the men in which were armed with harpoons and cutlasses, and as the evening advanced, a number of more or less similarly equipped expeditions, organised by private individuals, joined them. Mr. Fison took no part in any of these expeditions.
It seems that the shoal's hunger was satisfied by the catch of eleven people—so far as we can tell, there were ten people in the second boat, and these creatures definitely showed no further signs of being around Sidmouth that day. The coast between Seaton and Budleigh Salterton was patrolled all that evening and night by four Preventive Service boats, whose crews were armed with harpoons and cutlasses. As the evening went on, several similarly equipped missions organized by private individuals joined them. Mr. Fison didn’t participate in any of these missions.
About midnight excited hails were heard from a boat about a couple of miles out at sea to the south-east of Sidmouth, and a lantern was seen waving in a strange manner to and fro and up and down. The nearer boats at once hurried towards the alarm. The venturesome occupants of the boat, a seaman, a curate, and two schoolboys, had actually seen the monsters passing under their boat. The creatures, it seems, like most deep-sea organisms, were phosphorescent, and they had been floating, five fathoms deep or so, like creatures of moonshine through the blackness of the water, their tentacles retracted and as if asleep, rolling over and over, and moving slowly in a wedge-like formation towards the south-east.
About midnight, excited shouts were heard from a boat about a couple of miles out at sea to the southeast of Sidmouth, and a lantern was seen waving strangely back and forth and up and down. The nearby boats quickly rushed towards the commotion. The daring occupants of the boat—a sailor, a curate, and two schoolboys—had actually spotted the creatures passing beneath their boat. The creatures, it seems, like most deep-sea organisms, were phosphorescent, floating about five fathoms deep, resembling beings of moonlight amid the darkness of the water, their tentacles retracted as if they were asleep, rolling over and over, and slowly moving in a wedge-like formation towards the southeast.
These people told their story in gesticulated fragments, as first one boat drew alongside and then another. At last there was a little fleet of eight or[140] nine boats collected together, and from them a tumult, like the chatter of a marketplace, rose into the stillness of the night. There was little or no disposition to pursue the shoal, the people had neither weapons nor experience for such a dubious chase, and presently—even with a certain relief, it may be—the boats turned shoreward.
These people shared their story in animated pieces, as one boat pulled up alongside another. Eventually, a small group of eight or[140] nine boats gathered, and from them, a chatter like a busy marketplace broke the quiet of the night. There was little desire to chase the shoal; the people had neither weapons nor the experience for such a risky pursuit, and soon—even with a sense of relief, perhaps—the boats headed back to shore.
And now to tell what is perhaps the most astonishing fact in this whole astonishing raid. We have not the slightest knowledge of the subsequent movements of the shoal, although the whole south-west coast was now alert for it. But it may, perhaps, be significant that a cachalot was stranded off Sark on June 3. Two weeks and three days after this Sidmouth affair, a living Haploteuthis came ashore on Calais sands. It was alive, because several witnesses saw its tentacles moving in a convulsive way. But it is probable that it was dying. A gentleman named Pouchet obtained a rifle and shot it.
And now to share what might be the most shocking fact in this entire surprising raid. We have no idea what the shoal did next, even though the entire southwest coast was on high alert for it. However, it might be worth noting that a sperm whale was found stranded off Sark on June 3. Two weeks and three days after the Sidmouth incident, a live Haploteuthis washed up on the sands of Calais. It was alive because several witnesses saw its tentacles moving spasmodically. But it's likely that it was dying. A man named Pouchet got a rifle and shot it.
That was the last appearance of a living Haploteuthis. No others were seen on the French coast. On the 15th of June a dead body, almost complete, was washed ashore near Torquay, and a few days later a boat from the Marine Biological station, engaged in dredging off Plymouth, picked up a rotting specimen, slashed deeply with a cutlass wound. How the former specimen had come by its death it is impossible to say. And on the last day of June, Mr. Egbert Caine, an artist, bathing near Newlyn, threw up his arms, shrieked, and was drawn under. A friend bathing with him made no attempt to save him, but swam at once for the shore. This[141] is the last fact to tell of this extraordinary raid from the deeper sea. Whether it is really the last of these horrible creatures it is, as yet, premature to say. But it is believed, and certainly it is to be hoped, that they have returned now, and returned for good, to the sunless depths of the middle seas, out of which they have so strangely and so mysteriously arisen.
That was the last sighting of a living Haploteuthis. No others were spotted along the French coast. On June 15, a nearly complete dead body washed up near Torquay, and a few days later, a boat from the Marine Biological Station, which was dredging off Plymouth, recovered a decaying specimen that had a deep cutlass wound. It's impossible to say how the earlier specimen met its end. Then, on the last day of June, Mr. Egbert Caine, an artist, was swimming near Newlyn when he raised his arms, screamed, and was pulled under. A friend who was swimming with him didn’t try to rescue him but immediately swam to shore. This[141] is the last event to report from this unusual incursion from the deeper sea. Whether this is truly the end of these dreadful creatures is still uncertain. However, it's believed—and certainly hoped—that they have now returned for good to the dark depths of the middle seas, from which they emerged so strangely and mysteriously.
POLLOCK AND THE PORROH MAN
It was in a swampy village on the lagoon river behind the Turner Peninsula that Pollock’s first encounter with the Porroh man occurred. The women of that country are famous for their good looks—they are Gallinas with a dash of European blood that dates from the days of Vasco de Gama and the English slave-traders, and the Porroh man, too, was possibly inspired by a faint Caucasian taint in his composition. (It’s a curious thing to think that some of us may have distant cousins eating men on Sherboro Island or raiding with the Sofas.) At anyrate, the Porroh man stabbed the woman to the heart as though he had been a mere low-class Italian, and very narrowly missed Pollock. But Pollock, using his revolver to parry the lightning stab which was aimed at his deltoid muscle, sent the iron dagger flying, and, firing, hit the man in the hand.
It was in a swampy village on the lagoon river behind the Turner Peninsula that Pollock’s first encounter with the Porroh man happened. The women from that area are known for their beauty—they are Gallinas with a hint of European ancestry from the days of Vasco de Gama and the English slave traders, and the Porroh man might have also been influenced by a slight Caucasian background. (It’s interesting to consider that some of us might have distant relatives eating people on Sherboro Island or raiding with the Sofas.) Anyway, the Porroh man stabbed the woman in the heart as if he were just a low-class Italian, and he barely missed Pollock. But Pollock, using his revolver to deflect the quick stab aimed at his shoulder, sent the iron dagger flying and shot the man in the hand.
He fired again and missed, knocking a sudden window out of the wall of the hut. The Porroh man stooped in the doorway, glancing under his arm at Pollock. Pollock caught a glimpse of his inverted face in the sunlight, and then the Englishman[143] was alone, sick and trembling with the excitement of the affair, in the twilight of the place. It had all happened in less time than it takes to read about it.
He fired again and missed, shattering a window in the wall of the hut. The Porroh man bent in the doorway, looking over his shoulder at Pollock. Pollock caught a glimpse of his upside-down face in the sunlight, and then the Englishman[143] was left alone, feeling sick and trembling with excitement in the fading light. It all happened in less time than it takes to read about it.
The woman was quite dead, and having ascertained this, Pollock went to the entrance of the hut and looked out. Things outside were dazzling bright. Half a dozen of the porters of the expedition were standing up in a group near the green huts they occupied, and staring towards him, wondering what the shots might signify. Behind the little group of men was the broad stretch of black fetid mud by the river, a green carpet of rafts of papyrus and water-grass, and then the leaden water. The mangroves beyond the stream loomed indistinctly through the blue haze. There were no signs of excitement in the squat village, whose fence was just visible above the cane-grass.
The woman was definitely dead, and after confirming this, Pollock stepped out of the hut and looked around. Everything outside was incredibly bright. A group of about six porters from the expedition were gathered near the green huts they used, staring at him, wondering what the shots meant. Behind the small group of men lay a wide stretch of black, foul-smelling mud by the river, a green blanket of rafts made of papyrus and water-grass, leading to the dull water. The mangroves across the stream appeared hazy in the blue mist. There were no signs of excitement in the low village, whose fence was barely visible above the cane-grass.
Pollock came out of the hut cautiously and walked towards the river, looking over his shoulder at intervals. But the Porroh man had vanished. Pollock clutched his revolver nervously in his hand.
Pollock stepped out of the hut carefully and walked toward the river, glancing back over his shoulder occasionally. But the Porroh man had disappeared. Pollock nervously gripped his revolver in his hand.
One of his men came to meet him, and as he came, pointed to the bushes behind the hut in which the Porroh man had disappeared. Pollock had an irritating persuasion of having made an absolute fool of himself; he felt bitter, savage, at the turn things had taken. At the same time, he would have to tell Waterhouse—the moral, exemplary, cautious Waterhouse—who would inevitably take the matter seriously. Pollock cursed bitterly at his luck, at Waterhouse, and especially at the West Coast of[144] Africa. He felt consummately sick of the expedition. And in the back of his mind all the time was a speculative doubt where precisely within the visible horizon the Porroh man might be.
One of his men came to meet him and pointed to the bushes behind the hut where the Porroh man had vanished. Pollock felt an annoying sense of having completely embarrassed himself; he was filled with bitterness and anger at how things had unfolded. At the same time, he knew he had to inform Waterhouse—the moral, exemplary, cautious Waterhouse—who would definitely take this matter seriously. Pollock cursed his luck, Waterhouse, and especially the West Coast of[144] Africa. He was utterly fed up with the expedition. And in the back of his mind, he constantly wondered where exactly the Porroh man might be within the visible horizon.
It is perhaps rather shocking, but he was not at all upset by the murder that had just happened. He had seen so much brutality during the last three months, so many dead women, burnt huts, drying skeletons, up the Kittam River in the wake of the Sofa cavalry, that his senses were blunted. What disturbed him was the persuasion that this business was only beginning.
It might be surprising, but he wasn’t at all bothered by the murder that had just taken place. He had witnessed so much violence over the past three months, so many dead women, burned huts, and drying skeletons along the Kittam River after the Sofa cavalry swept through, that his senses were dulled. What troubled him was the feeling that this was just the beginning.
He swore savagely at the black, who ventured to ask a question, and went on into the tent under the orange-trees where Waterhouse was lying, feeling exasperatingly like a boy going into the headmaster’s study.
He cursed fiercely at the black guy who dared to ask a question and went into the tent under the orange trees where Waterhouse was lying, feeling annoyingly like a kid walking into the principal’s office.
Waterhouse was still sleeping off the effects of his last dose of chlorodyne, and Pollock sat down on a packing-case beside him, and, lighting his pipe, waited for him to awake. About him were scattered the pots and weapons Waterhouse had collected from the Mendi people, and which he had been repacking for the canoe voyage to Sulyma.
Waterhouse was still asleep from the effects of his last dose of chlorodyne, and Pollock sat down on a packing crate next to him, lighting his pipe as he waited for him to wake up. Scattered around him were the pots and weapons Waterhouse had gathered from the Mendi people, which he had been repacking for the canoe trip to Sulyma.
Presently Waterhouse woke up, and after judicial stretching, decided he was all right again. Pollock got him some tea. Over the tea the incidents of the afternoon were described by Pollock, after some preliminary beating about the bush. Waterhouse took the matter even more seriously than Pollock had anticipated. He did not simply disapprove, he scolded, he insulted.
Presently, Waterhouse woke up and, after a good stretch, decided he was feeling fine again. Pollock made him some tea. As they sipped the tea, Pollock went over the events of the afternoon, after some hesitance. Waterhouse took the situation even more seriously than Pollock had expected. He didn't just disapprove; he scolded and insulted.
“You’re one of those infernal fools who think a black man isn’t a human being,” he said. “I can’t be ill a day without you must get into some dirty scrape or other. This is the third time in a month that you have come crossways-on with a native, and this time you’re in for it with a vengeance. Porroh, too! They’re down upon you enough as it is, about that idol you wrote your silly name on. And they’re the most vindictive devils on earth! You make a man ashamed of civilisation. To think you come of a decent family! If ever I cumber myself up with a vicious, stupid young lout like you again”—
“You’re one of those annoying fools who think a black man isn’t a human being,” he said. “I can’t be sick for a day without you getting into some kind of trouble. This is the third time this month that you’ve had a run-in with a local, and this time you’re really in for it. Porroh, too! They’re already angry with you about that idol you wrote your ridiculous name on. And they’re the most revengeful people on earth! You make a man ashamed of civilization. To think you come from a decent family! If I ever have to deal with a foolish, ignorant young guy like you again—”
“Steady on, now,” snarled Pollock, in the tone that always exasperated Waterhouse; “steady on.”
“Hold on a second,” Pollock snapped, in the tone that always frustrated Waterhouse; “hold on.”
At that Waterhouse became speechless. He jumped to his feet.
At that, Waterhouse was left speechless. He jumped to his feet.
“Look here, Pollock,” he said, after a struggle to control his breath. “You must go home. I won’t have you any longer. I’m ill enough as it is through you”—
“Listen up, Pollock,” he said, after struggling to catch his breath. “You need to go home. I can’t have you around anymore. I’m sick enough as it is because of you”—
“Keep your hair on,” said Pollock, staring in front of him. “I’m ready enough to go.”
“Calm down,” said Pollock, looking straight ahead. “I’m more than ready to go.”
Waterhouse became calmer again. He sat down on the camp-stool. “Very well,” he said. “I don’t want a row, Pollock, you know, but it’s confoundedly annoying to have one’s plans put out by this kind of thing. I’ll come to Sulyma with you, and see you safe aboard”—
Waterhouse found his composure again. He sat down on the camp-stool. “Alright,” he said. “I don’t want any trouble, Pollock, but it’s really frustrating to have my plans disrupted by this sort of thing. I’ll go to Sulyma with you and make sure you get on board safely.”
“You needn’t,” said Pollock. “I can go alone. From here.”
“You don’t have to,” said Pollock. “I can go by myself from here.”
“Not far,” said Waterhouse. “You don’t understand this Porroh business.”
“Not far,” said Waterhouse. “You don’t get this Porroh thing.”
“How should I know she belonged to a Porroh man?” said Pollock bitterly.
“How was I supposed to know she was with a Porroh man?” Pollock said bitterly.
“Well, she did,” said Waterhouse; “and you can’t undo the thing. Go alone, indeed! I wonder what they’d do to you. You don’t seem to understand that this Porroh hokey-pokey rules this country, is its law, religion, constitution, medicine, magic.... They appoint the chiefs. The Inquisition, at its best, couldn’t hold a candle to these chaps. He will probably set Awajale, the chief here, on to us. It’s lucky our porters are Mendis. We shall have to shift this little settlement of ours.... Confound you, Pollock! And, of course, you must go and miss him.”
“Well, she did,” Waterhouse said, “and you can’t undo it. Go alone, really! I wonder what they’d do to you. You don’t seem to get that this Porroh hokey-pokey runs this country; it’s its law, religion, constitution, medicine, magic.... They choose the chiefs. The Inquisition, at its best, couldn’t compare to these guys. He’ll probably have Awajale, the chief here, come after us. It’s lucky our porters are Mendis. We’ll have to move our little settlement.... Damn you, Pollock! And, of course, you had to go and miss him.”
He thought, and his thoughts seemed disagreeable. Presently he stood up and took his rifle. “I’d keep close for a bit, if I were you,” he said, over his shoulder, as he went out. “I’m going out to see what I can find out about it.”
He thought, and his thoughts felt unpleasant. Soon, he stood up and grabbed his rifle. “I’d stick around for a while if I were you,” he said over his shoulder as he left. “I’m going out to see what I can find out about it.”
Pollock remained sitting in the tent, meditating. “I was meant for a civilised life,” he said to himself, regretfully, as he filled his pipe. “The sooner I get back to London or Paris the better for me.”
Pollock stayed seated in the tent, deep in thought. “I was meant for a civilized life,” he said to himself, feeling regret as he packed his pipe. “The sooner I return to London or Paris, the better for me.”
His eye fell on the sealed case in which Waterhouse had put the featherless poisoned arrows they had bought in the Mendi country. “I wish I had hit the beggar somewhere vital,” said Pollock viciously.
His gaze landed on the sealed case where Waterhouse had stored the featherless poisoned arrows they had purchased in the Mendi country. “I wish I had shot the bastard somewhere important,” Pollock said bitterly.
Waterhouse came back after a long interval. He was not communicative, though Pollock asked him questions enough. The Porroh man, it seems, was a prominent member of that mystical society. The[147] village was interested, but not threatening. No doubt the witch-doctor had gone into the bush. He was a great witch-doctor. “Of course, he’s up to something,” said Waterhouse, and became silent.
Waterhouse returned after a long time. He wasn’t chatty, even though Pollock asked him plenty of questions. The Porroh man, it turned out, was an important member of that mystical society. The [147] village was curious but not hostile. No doubt the witch-doctor had gone into the jungle. He was a powerful witch-doctor. “Of course, he’s up to something,” Waterhouse said, and then fell silent.
“But what can he do?” asked Pollock, unheeded.
“But what can he do?” asked Pollock, ignored.
“I must get you out of this. There’s something brewing, or things would not be so quiet,” said Waterhouse, after a gap of silence. Pollock wanted to know what the brew might be. “Dancing in a circle of skulls,” said Waterhouse; “brewing a stink in a copper pot.” Pollock wanted particulars. Waterhouse was vague, Pollock pressing. At last Waterhouse lost his temper. “How the devil should I know?” he said to Pollock’s twentieth inquiry what the Porroh man would do. “He tried to kill you off-hand in the hut. Now, I fancy he will try something more elaborate. But you’ll see fast enough. I don’t want to help unnerve you. It’s probably all nonsense.”
“I have to get you out of this. Something’s going on, or it wouldn't be so quiet,” Waterhouse said after a pause. Pollock wanted to know what that something was. “Dancing in a circle of skulls,” Waterhouse replied; “cooking up trouble in a copper pot.” Pollock pressed for more details. Waterhouse was vague, and Pollock kept pushing. Finally, Waterhouse lost his temper. “How the hell should I know?” he said in response to Pollock’s twentieth question about what the Porroh man would do. “He tried to kill you right away in the hut. Now, I think he’ll try something more complicated. But you’ll find out soon enough. I don’t want to freak you out. It’s probably all nonsense.”
That night, as they were sitting at their fire, Pollock again tried to draw Waterhouse out on the subject of Porroh methods. “Better get to sleep,” said Waterhouse, when Pollock’s bent became apparent; “we start early to-morrow. You may want all your nerve about you.”
That night, as they were sitting by the fire, Pollock again tried to get Waterhouse to talk about Porroh methods. “You should probably get some sleep,” Waterhouse said, noticing Pollock's intentions; “we're leaving early tomorrow. You might need all your nerves.”
“But what line will he take?”
“But what stance will he take?”
“Can’t say. They’re versatile people. They know a lot of rum dodges. You’d better get that copper-devil, Shakespear, to talk.”
“Can’t say. They’re adaptable people. They know a lot of tricks with rum. You should have that copper-demon, Shakespear, talk.”
There was a flash and a heavy bang out of the darkness behind the huts, and a clay bullet came whistling close to Pollock’s head. This, at least,[148] was crude enough. The blacks and half-breeds sitting and yarning round their own fire jumped up, and someone fired into the dark.
There was a flash and a loud bang from the darkness behind the huts, and a clay bullet whizzed past Pollock’s head. This was definitely primitive. The Indigenous people and mixed-race individuals gathered around their own fire jumped up, and someone fired into the dark.
“Better go into one of the huts,” said Waterhouse quietly, still sitting unmoved.
“Better go into one of the huts,” said Waterhouse quietly, still sitting unmoved.
Pollock stood up by the fire and drew his revolver. Fighting, at least, he was not afraid of. But a man in the dark is in the best of armour. Realising the wisdom of Waterhouse’s advice, Pollock went into the tent and lay down there.
Pollock stood up by the fire and drew his revolver. Fighting, at least, he wasn’t afraid of. But a man in the dark is in the best armor. Realizing the wisdom of Waterhouse’s advice, Pollock went into the tent and lay down there.
What little sleep he had was disturbed by dreams, variegated dreams, but chiefly of the Porroh man’s face, upside down, as he went out of the hut, and looked up under his arm. It was odd that this transitory impression should have stuck so firmly in Pollock’s memory. Moreover, he was troubled by queer pains in his limbs.
What little sleep he managed to get was interrupted by dreams, a mix of dreams, but mostly of the Porroh man's face, upside down, as he left the hut and looked up under his arm. It was strange that this fleeting image had stuck so firmly in Pollock’s mind. On top of that, he was bothered by strange pains in his limbs.
In the white haze of the early morning, as they were loading the canoes, a barbed arrow suddenly appeared quivering in the ground close to Pollock’s foot. The boys made a perfunctory effort to clear out the thicket, but it led to no capture.
In the white mist of early morning, while they were loading the canoes, a barbed arrow suddenly landed quivering in the ground near Pollock’s foot. The boys made a half-hearted attempt to clear out the thicket, but it didn't result in any capture.
After these two occurrences, there was a disposition on the part of the expedition to leave Pollock to himself, and Pollock became, for the first time in his life, anxious to mingle with blacks. Waterhouse took one canoe, and Pollock, in spite of a friendly desire to chat with Waterhouse, had to take the other. He was left all alone in the front part of the canoe, and he had the greatest trouble to make the men—who did not love him—keep to the middle of the river, a clear hundred yards or more from[149] either shore. However, he made Shakespear, the Freetown half-breed, come up to his own end of the canoe and tell him about Porroh, which Shakespear, failing in his attempts to leave Pollock alone, presently did with considerable freedom and gusto.
After these two events, the expedition team decided to leave Pollock on his own, and for the first time in his life, Pollock felt eager to connect with Black individuals. Waterhouse took one canoe, and even though Pollock wanted to talk with Waterhouse, he had to take the other canoe. He found himself alone at the front of the canoe and struggled to make the men—who didn’t like him—stay in the middle of the river, a clear hundred yards or more from[149] either bank. However, he managed to get Shakespear, the half-breed from Freetown, to come to his end of the canoe and tell him about Porroh, which Shakespear, despite his efforts to leave Pollock alone, ended up doing with a lot of openness and enthusiasm.
The day passed. The canoe glided swiftly along the ribbon of lagoon water, between the drift of water-figs, fallen trees, papyrus, and palm-wine palms, and with the dark mangrove swamp to the left, through which one could hear now and then the roar of the Atlantic surf. Shakespear told in his soft, blurred English of how the Porroh could cast spells; how men withered up under their malice; how they could send dreams and devils; how they tormented and killed the sons of Ijibu; how they kidnapped a white trader from Sulyma who had maltreated one of the sect, and how his body looked when it was found. And Pollock after each narrative cursed under his breath at the want of missionary enterprise that allowed such things to be, and at the inert British Government that ruled over this dark heathendom of Sierra Leone. In the evening they came to the Kasi Lake, and sent a score of crocodiles lumbering off the island on which the expedition camped for the night.
The day went by. The canoe moved quickly along the stretch of lagoon water, passing by the water-figs, fallen trees, papyrus, and palm-wine palms, with the dark mangrove swamp on the left, through which one could occasionally hear the roar of the Atlantic surf. Shakespeare spoke in his soft, slurred English about how the Porroh could cast spells; how men would wither under their malice; how they could send dreams and devils; how they tormented and killed the sons of Ijibu; how they kidnapped a white trader from Sulyma who had mistreated one of the sect, and how his body looked when it was found. And Pollock, after each story, cursed under his breath at the lack of missionary efforts that allowed such things to happen, and at the inactive British Government that ruled over this dark wilderness of Sierra Leone. In the evening, they arrived at Kasi Lake and scared a bunch of crocodiles off the island where the expedition camped for the night.
The next day they reached Sulyma, and smelt the sea breeze, but Pollock had to put up there for five days before he could get on to Freetown. Waterhouse, considering him to be comparatively safe here, and within the pale of Freetown influence, left him and went back with the expedition to Gbemma, and Pollock became very friendly with[150] Perera, the only resident white trader at Sulyma—so friendly, indeed, that he went about with him everywhere. Perera was a little Portuguese Jew, who had lived in England, and he appreciated the Englishman’s friendliness as a great compliment.
The next day, they arrived in Sulyma and felt the sea breeze, but Pollock had to stay there for five days before he could head to Freetown. Waterhouse, believing he was relatively safe there and still under Freetown's influence, left him and returned with the expedition to Gbemma. Pollock became very close with[150] Perera, the only white trader living in Sulyma—so close, in fact, that he accompanied him everywhere. Perera was a small Portuguese Jew who had lived in England, and he saw the Englishman’s friendliness as a big compliment.
For two days nothing happened out of the ordinary; for the most part Pollock and Perera played Nap—the only game they had in common—and Pollock got into debt. Then, on the second evening, Pollock had a disagreeable intimation of the arrival of the Porroh man in Sulyma by getting a flesh-wound in the shoulder from a lump of filed iron. It was a long shot, and the missile had nearly spent its force when it hit him. Still it conveyed its message plainly enough. Pollock sat up in his hammock, revolver in hand, all that night, and next morning confided, to some extent, in the Anglo-Portuguese.
For two days, nothing unusual happened; mostly, Pollock and Perera played Nap—the only game they both knew—and Pollock racked up some debt. Then, on the second evening, Pollock had an unsettling feeling about the Porroh man's arrival in Sulyma when he got a flesh wound in his shoulder from a piece of filed iron. It was a long shot, and the projectile had almost lost all its power by the time it struck him. Still, it delivered its warning loud and clear. Pollock sat up in his hammock, revolver in hand, the entire night, and the next morning shared some of his concerns with the Anglo-Portuguese.
Perera took the matter seriously. He knew the local customs pretty thoroughly. “It is a personal question, you must know. It is revenge. And of course he is hurried by your leaving de country. None of de natives or half-breeds will interfere wid him very much—unless you make it wort deir while. If you come upon him suddenly, you might shoot him. But den he might shoot you.
Perera took the situation seriously. He understood the local customs quite well. “It’s a personal matter, you should know. It’s about revenge. And of course, he’s rushed because you’re leaving the country. None of the locals or mixed-race people will really get in his way—unless you give them a good reason to. If you come across him unexpectedly, you could shoot him. But then he might shoot you.”
“Den dere’s dis—infernal magic,” said Perera. “Of course, I don’t believe in it—superstition—but still it’s not nice to tink dat wherever you are, dere is a black man, who spends a moonlight night now and den a-dancing about a fire to send you bad dreams.... Had any bad dreams?”
“Damn, there’s this—evil magic,” said Perera. “Of course, I don’t believe in it—superstition—but still, it’s not nice to think that wherever you are, there’s a black man who spends a moonlit night here and there dancing around a fire to give you bad dreams... Have you had any bad dreams?”
“Rather,” said Pollock. “I keep on seeing the beggar’s head upside down grinning at me and showing all his teeth as he did in the hut, and coming close up to me, and then going ever so far off, and coming back. It’s nothing to be afraid of, but somehow it simply paralyses me with terror in my sleep. Queer things—dreams. I know it’s a dream all the time, and I can’t wake up from it.”
“Actually,” Pollock said. “I keep seeing the beggar’s head upside down, grinning at me and showing all his teeth like he did in the hut. It comes up close to me, then moves really far away, and then comes back. It’s nothing to be scared of, but for some reason it completely freezes me with fear in my sleep. Strange things—dreams. I know it’s a dream the whole time, and I can’t wake up from it.”
“It’s probably only fancy,” said Perera. “Den my niggers say Porroh men can send snakes. Seen any snakes lately?”
“It’s probably just a show,” said Perera. “Then my friends say Porroh men can summon snakes. Have you seen any snakes around recently?”
“Only one. I killed him this morning, on the floor near my hammock. Almost trod on him as I got up.”
“Just one. I killed him this morning, on the floor by my hammock. I almost stepped on him when I got up.”
“Ah!” said Perera, and then, reassuringly, “Of course it is a—coincidence. Still I would keep my eyes open. Den dere’s pains in de bones.”
“Ah!” said Perera, and then, reassuringly, “Of course it’s just a coincidence. Still, I would keep my eyes open. Those are pains in the bones.”
“I thought they were due to miasma,” said Pollock.
“I thought they were caused by miasma,” said Pollock.
“Probably dey are. When did dey begin?”
“Probably they are. When did they begin?”
Then Pollock remembered that he first noticed them the night after the fight in the hut. “It’s my opinion he don’t want to kill you,” said Perera—“at least not yet. I’ve heard deir idea is to scare and worry a man wid deir spells, and narrow misses, and rheumatic pains, and bad dreams, and all dat, until he’s sick of life. Of course, it’s all talk, you know. You mustn’t worry about it.... But I wonder what he’ll be up to next.”
Then Pollock remembered that he first noticed them the night after the fight in the hut. “I think he doesn’t want to kill you,” said Perera—“at least not yet. I’ve heard their plan is to scare and bother a person with their spells, narrow misses, rheumatic pains, bad dreams, and all that, until he's sick of life. Of course, it’s all just talk, you know. You shouldn’t worry about it.... But I’m curious about what he’ll do next.”
“I shall have to be up to something first,” said Pollock, staring gloomily at the greasy cards that Perera was putting on the table. “It don’t[152] suit my dignity to be followed about, and shot at, and blighted in this way. I wonder if Porroh hokey-pokey upsets your luck at cards.”
“I need to be working on something first,” said Pollock, looking sadly at the greasy cards that Perera was laying on the table. “It doesn't[152] feel right for me to be chased around, shot at, and ruined like this. I wonder if Porroh hokey-pokey messes with your luck in cards.”
He looked at Perera suspiciously.
He eyed Perera suspiciously.
“Very likely it does,” said Perera warmly, shuffling. “Dey are wonderful people.”
“Yeah, it probably does,” Perera said kindly, shuffling. “They are amazing people.”
That afternoon Pollock killed two snakes in his hammock, and there was also an extraordinary increase in the number of red ants that swarmed over the place; and these annoyances put him in a fit temper to talk over business with a certain Mendi rough he had interviewed before. The Mendi rough showed Pollock a little iron dagger, and demonstrated where one struck in the neck, in a way that made Pollock shiver, and in return for certain considerations Pollock promised him a double-barrelled gun with an ornamental lock.
That afternoon, Pollock killed two snakes in his hammock, and there was also an unexpected surge in the number of red ants swarming everywhere; these nuisances put him in the right mood to discuss business with a certain Mendi tough guy he had talked to before. The Mendi tough guy showed Pollock a small iron dagger and demonstrated how to strike in the neck, which made Pollock shiver. In exchange for some favors, Pollock promised him a double-barrel shotgun with a decorative lock.
In the evening, as Pollock and Perera were playing cards, the Mendi rough came in through the doorway, carrying something in a blood-soaked piece of native cloth.
In the evening, while Pollock and Perera were playing cards, the Mendi thug came in through the doorway, carrying something wrapped in a blood-soaked piece of local fabric.
“Not here!” said Pollock very hurriedly. “Not here!”
“Not here!” Pollock said quickly. “Not here!”
But he was not quick enough to prevent the man, who was anxious to get to Pollock’s side of the bargain, from opening the cloth and throwing the head of the Porroh man upon the table. It bounded from there on to the floor, leaving a red trail on the cards, and rolled into a corner, where it came to rest upside down, but glaring hard at Pollock.
But he wasn't fast enough to stop the man, who was eager to finalize his deal with Pollock, from opening the cloth and tossing the head of the Porroh man onto the table. It bounced off onto the floor, leaving a red mark on the cards, and rolled into a corner, where it stopped upside down, staring intensely at Pollock.
Perera jumped up as the thing fell among the cards, and began in his excitement to gabble in[153] Portuguese. The Mendi was bowing, with the red cloth in his hand. “De gun!” he said. Pollock stared back at the head in the corner. It bore exactly the expression it had in his dreams. Something seemed to snap in his own brain as he looked at it.
Perera jumped up as the object landed among the cards and, in his excitement, started to chatter in[153] Portuguese. The Mendi was bowing, holding the red cloth in his hand. “De gun!” he said. Pollock stared back at the head in the corner. It had the exact same expression as it did in his dreams. Something seemed to snap in his own mind as he looked at it.
Then Perera found his English again.
Then Perera found his English once more.
“You got him killed?” he said. “You did not kill him yourself?”
“You got him killed?” he asked. “You didn’t kill him yourself?”
“Why should I?” said Pollock.
“Why should I?” Pollock said.
“But he will not be able to take it off now!”
“But he can't take it off now!”
“Take what off?” said Pollock.
"Take what off?" said Pollock.
“And all dese cards are spoiled!”
“And all these cards are ruined!”
“What do you mean by taking off?” said Pollock.
“What do you mean by taking off?” asked Pollock.
“You must send me a new pack from Freetown. You can buy dem dere.”
“You need to send me a new pack from Freetown. You can buy them there.”
“But—‘take it off’?”
“But—‘remove it’?”
“It is only superstition. I forgot. De niggers say dat if de witches—he was a witch— But it is rubbish.... You must make de Porroh man take it off, or kill him yourself.... It is very silly.”
“It’s just superstition. I forgot. The people say that if the witches—he was a witch— But it’s nonsense.... You have to make the Porroh man take it off, or kill him yourself.... It’s really silly.”
Pollock swore under his breath, still staring hard at the head in the corner.
Pollock muttered a curse under his breath, still glaring at the head in the corner.
“I can’t stand that glare,” he said. Then suddenly he rushed at the thing and kicked it. It rolled some yards or so, and came to rest in the same position as before, upside down, and looking at him.
“I can’t stand that glare,” he said. Then suddenly he rushed at it and kicked it. It rolled a few yards and ended up in the same position as before, upside down, looking at him.
“He is ugly,” said the Anglo-Portuguese. “Very ugly. Dey do it on deir faces with little knives.”
“He's ugly,” said the Anglo-Portuguese. “Really ugly. They do it to their faces with little knives.”
Pollock would have kicked the head again, but[154] the Mendi man touched him on the arm. “De gun?” he said, looking nervously at the head.
Pollock would have kicked the head again, but[154] the Mendi man touched him on the arm. “De gun?” he asked, glancing anxiously at the head.
“Two—if you will take that beastly thing away,” said Pollock.
“Two—if you’ll take that awful thing away,” said Pollock.
The Mendi shook his head, and intimated that he only wanted one gun now due to him, and for which he would be obliged. Pollock found neither cajolery nor bullying any good with him. Perera had a gun to sell (at a profit of three hundred per cent.), and with that the man presently departed. Then Pollock’s eyes, against his will, were recalled to the thing on the floor.
The Mendi shook his head and indicated that he only wanted one gun from him now, and for that, he would be grateful. Pollock found that neither flattery nor intimidation worked with him. Perera had a gun to sell (at a profit of three hundred percent), and with that, the man left. Then Pollock’s gaze, despite his reluctance, was drawn back to the thing on the floor.
“It is funny dat his head keeps upside down,” said Perera, with an uneasy laugh. “His brains must be heavy, like de weight in de little images one sees dat keep always upright wid lead in dem. You will take him wiv you when you go presently. You might take him now. De cards are all spoilt. Dere is a man sell dem in Freetown. De room is in a filty mess as it is. You should have killed him yourself.”
“It’s funny that his head keeps being upside down,” said Perera with an awkward laugh. “His brains must be heavy, like the weights in those little statues you see that always stay upright with lead in them. You should take him with you when you leave soon. You could take him now. The cards are all ruined. There’s a guy selling them in Freetown. The room is a filthy mess as it is. You should have taken care of him yourself.”
Pollock pulled himself together, and went and picked up the head. He would hang it up by the lamp-hook in the middle of the ceiling of his room, and dig a grave for it at once. He was under the impression that he hung it up by the hair, but that must have been wrong, for when he returned for it, it was hanging by the neck upside down.
Pollock gathered himself and went to pick up the head. He planned to hang it by the lamp hook in the center of his room's ceiling and then dig a grave for it right away. He thought he had hung it by the hair, but that couldn't have been right, because when he came back for it, it was hanging by the neck, upside down.
He buried it before sunset on the north side of the shed he occupied, so that he should not have to pass the grave after dark when he was returning from Perera’s. He killed two snakes before he went[155] to sleep. In the darkest part of the night he awoke with a start, and heard a pattering sound and something scraping on the floor. He sat up noiselessly, and felt under his pillow for his revolver. A mumbling growl followed, and Pollock fired at the sound. There was a yelp, and something dark passed for a moment across the hazy blue of the doorway. “A dog!” said Pollock, lying down again.
He buried it before sunset on the north side of the shed he lived in, so he wouldn’t have to pass the grave after dark when he was coming back from Perera’s. He killed two snakes before going to sleep. In the darkest part of the night, he woke up with a start and heard a pattering sound and something scraping on the floor. He sat up quietly and felt under his pillow for his revolver. A low growl followed, and Pollock fired at the sound. There was a yelp, and something dark flashed across the dim blue of the doorway. “A dog!” Pollock said, lying down again.
In the early dawn he awoke again with a peculiar sense of unrest. The vague pain in his bones had returned. For some time he lay watching the red ants that were swarming over the ceiling, and then, as the light grew brighter, he looked over the edge of his hammock and saw something dark on the floor. He gave such a violent start that the hammock overset and flung him out.
In the early morning, he woke up again feeling strangely uneasy. The dull ache in his bones had come back. For a while, he lay there watching the red ants crawling across the ceiling, and then, as the light got brighter, he peered over the edge of his hammock and noticed something dark on the floor. He jumped so suddenly that the hammock tipped over and threw him out.
He found himself lying, perhaps, a yard away from the head of the Porroh man. It had been disinterred by the dog, and the nose was grievously battered. Ants and flies swarmed over it. By an odd coincidence, it was still upside down, and with the same diabolical expression in the inverted eyes.
He found himself lying maybe a yard away from the head of the Porroh man. It had been dug up by the dog, and the nose was badly smashed. Ants and flies were swarming all over it. Oddly enough, it was still upside down, and it had the same sinister look in its turned eyes.
Pollock sat paralysed, and stared at the horror for some time. Then he got up and walked round it—giving it a wide berth—and out of the shed. The clear light of the sunrise, the living stir of vegetation before the breath of the dying land-breeze, and the empty grave with the marks of the dog’s paws, lightened the weight upon his mind a little.
Pollock sat frozen, staring at the nightmare for a while. Then he stood up and walked around it—keeping his distance—and left the shed. The bright light of the sunrise, the vibrant movement of the plants before the gentle fading breeze, and the empty grave marked with the dog’s paws eased the burden on his mind a bit.
He told Perera of the business as though it was a jest—a jest to be told with white lips. “You should[156] not have frighten de dog,” said Perera, with poorly simulated hilarity.
He told Perera about the situation like it was a joke—a joke to be shared with pale lips. “You shouldn’t have scared the dog,” said Perera, feigning laughter poorly.
The next two days, until the steamer came, were spent by Pollock in making a more effectual disposition of his possession. Overcoming his aversion to handling the thing, he went down to the river mouth and threw it into the sea-water, but by some miracle it escaped the crocodiles, and was cast up by the tide on the mud a little way up the river, to be found by an intelligent Arab half-breed, and offered for sale to Pollock and Perera as a curiosity, just on the edge of night. The native hung about in the brief twilight, making lower and lower offers, and at last, getting scared in some way by the evident dread these wise white men had for the thing, went off, and, passing Pollock’s shed, threw his burden in there for Pollock to discover in the morning.
The next two days, until the steamer arrived, Pollock spent organizing his belongings more effectively. He pushed through his dislike of dealing with the item and went to the river mouth, where he tossed it into the sea. By some miracle, it avoided the crocodiles and was washed ashore by the tide a little way up the river. It was discovered by a sharp Arab mixed-race man, who offered it for sale to Pollock and Perera as a curiosity, just as night was falling. The local man lingered in the fading twilight, making lower and lower offers until he eventually got spooked by the obvious fear these clever white men had for the item. He left and, as he passed Pollock’s shed, tossed his burden inside for Pollock to find in the morning.
At this Pollock got into a kind of frenzy. He would burn the thing. He went out straightway into the dawn, and had constructed a big pyre of brushwood before the heat of the day. He was interrupted by the hooter of the little paddle steamer from Monrovia to Bathurst, which was coming through the gap in the bar. “Thank Heaven!” said Pollock, with infinite piety, when the meaning of the sound dawned upon him. With trembling hands he lit his pile of wood hastily, threw the head upon it, and went away to pack his portmanteau and make his adieux to Perera.
At this, Pollock went into a sort of frenzy. He decided to burn the thing. He went out right away into the early morning and built a big pyre of brushwood before it got too hot. He was interrupted by the horn of the little paddle steamer coming from Monrovia to Bathurst, which was passing through the gap in the bar. “Thank goodness!” Pollock said with immense relief when he realized what the sound meant. With shaking hands, he quickly lit his pile of wood, threw the head on top, and went off to pack his suitcase and say goodbye to Perera.
That afternoon, with a sense of infinite relief, Pollock watched the flat swampy foreshore of Sulyma [157]grow small in the distance. The gap in the long line of white surge became narrower and narrower. It seemed to be closing in and cutting him off from his trouble. The feeling of dread and worry began to slip from him bit by bit. At Sulyma belief in Porroh malignity and Porroh magic had been in the air, his sense of Porroh had been vast, pervading, threatening, dreadful. Now manifestly the domain of Porroh was only a little place, a little black band between the sea and the blue cloudy Mendi uplands.
That afternoon, feeling an overwhelming sense of relief, Pollock watched the flat, swampy shoreline of Sulyma shrink in the distance. The gap in the long line of white waves grew narrower and narrower. It seemed to be closing in and cutting him off from his troubles. The feeling of dread and worry began to fade away little by little. In Sulyma, belief in Porroh evil and Porroh magic had been in the air; his sense of Porroh had felt vast, all-encompassing, threatening, and terrifying. Now, clearly, the realm of Porroh was just a small area, a tiny dark strip between the sea and the blue, cloudy Mendi uplands.
“Good-bye, Porroh!” said Pollock. “Good-bye—certainly not au revoir.”
“Goodbye, Porroh!” said Pollock. “Goodbye—definitely not au revoir.”
The captain of the steamer came and leant over the rail beside him, and wished him good-evening, and spat at the froth of the wake in token of friendly ease.
The captain of the steamer came and leaned over the rail next to him, wished him good evening, and spat at the foam of the wake as a sign of casual friendliness.
“I picked up a rummy curio on the beach this go,” said the captain. “It’s a thing I never saw done this side of Indy before.”
“I found a strange trinket on the beach this time,” said the captain. “It’s something I’ve never seen done around here before.”
“What might that be?” said Pollock.
“What could that be?” said Pollock.
“Pickled ’ed,” said the captain.
“Pickled head,” said the captain.
“What?” said Pollock.
“What?” Pollock asked.
“’Ed—smoked. ’Ed of one of these Porroh chaps, all ornamented with knife-cuts. Why! What’s up? Nothing? I shouldn’t have took you for a nervous chap. Green in the face. By gosh! you’re a bad sailor. All right, eh? Lord, how funny you went!... Well, this ’ed I was telling you of is a bit rum in a way. I’ve got it, along with some snakes, in a jar of spirit in my cabin what I keeps for such curios, and I’m hanged if it don’t float upsy down. Hullo!”
“‘Ed—smoked. ‘Ed from one of those Porroh guys, all marked up with knife cuts. What’s going on? Nothing? I wouldn't have thought you were a nervous guy. You look a bit green. Wow! You’re a terrible sailor. You good? Man, it’s hilarious how you went!... Well, this head I was mentioning is a little weird. I’ve got it, along with some snakes, in a jar of alcohol in my cabin that I keep for such curiosities, and I swear it floats upside down. Hey!”
Pollock had given an incoherent cry, and had his[158] hands in his hair. He ran towards the paddle-boxes with a half-formed idea of jumping into the sea, and then he realised his position and turned back towards the captain.
Pollock let out a nonsensical shout and ran his[158] hands through his hair. He sprinted toward the paddle boxes with a vague thought of jumping into the sea, but then he came to his senses and headed back to the captain.
“Here!” said the captain. “Jack Philips, just keep him off me! Stand off! No nearer, mister! What’s the matter with you? Are you mad?”
“Here!” said the captain. “Jack Philips, just keep him away from me! Stay back! No closer, man! What’s wrong with you? Are you crazy?”
Pollock put his hand to his head. It was no good explaining. “I believe I am pretty nearly mad at times,” he said. “It’s a pain I have here. Comes suddenly. You’ll excuse me, I hope.”
Pollock put his hand to his head. It was pointless to explain. “I think I’m almost crazy sometimes,” he said. “It’s a pain I get right here. It comes on suddenly. I hope you can forgive me.”
He was white and in a perspiration. He saw suddenly very clearly all the danger he ran of having his sanity doubted. He forced himself to restore the captain’s confidence, by answering his sympathetic inquiries, noting his suggestions, even trying a spoonful of neat brandy in his cheek, and, that matter settled, asking a number of questions about the captain’s private trade in curiosities. The captain described the head in detail. All the while Pollock was struggling to keep under a preposterous persuasion that the ship was as transparent as glass, and that he could distinctly see the inverted face looking at him from the cabin beneath his feet.
He was pale and sweating. Suddenly, he realized all the danger he faced of having his sanity questioned. He forced himself to regain the captain’s confidence by responding to his concerned questions, considering his suggestions, and even trying a spoonful of straight brandy. Once that was settled, he asked a bunch of questions about the captain’s personal collection of curiosities. The captain described the head in detail. Meanwhile, Pollock was struggling to shake off the ridiculous belief that the ship was as clear as glass and that he could clearly see the upside-down face looking at him from the cabin below his feet.
Pollock had a worse time almost on the steamer than he had at Sulyma. All day he had to control himself in spite of his intense perception of the imminent presence of that horrible head that was overshadowing his mind. At night his old nightmare returned, until, with a violent effort, he would force himself awake, rigid with the horror of it, and with the ghost of a hoarse scream in his throat.
Pollock had a harder time on the steamer than he did at Sulyma. All day, he had to keep himself in check despite his strong awareness of that terrifying head looming over his thoughts. At night, his old nightmare came back, and with a fierce effort, he'd wake himself up, stiff with fear, and with the remnants of a raspy scream caught in his throat.
He left the actual head behind at Bathurst, where he changed ship for Teneriffe, but not his dreams nor the dull ache in his bones. At Teneriffe Pollock transferred to a Cape liner, but the head followed him. He gambled, he tried chess, he even read books, but he knew the danger of drink. Yet whenever a round black shadow, a round black object came into his range, there he looked for the head, and—saw it. He knew clearly enough that his imagination was growing traitor to him, and yet at times it seemed the ship he sailed in, his fellow-passengers, the sailors, the wide sea, was all part of a filmy phantasmagoria that hung, scarcely veiling it, between him and a horrible real world. Then the Porroh man, thrusting his diabolical face through that curtain, was the one real and undeniable thing. At that he would get up and touch things, taste something, gnaw something, burn his hand with a match, or run a needle into himself.
He left the actual head behind in Bathurst, where he switched ships for Teneriffe, but not his dreams or the dull ache in his bones. In Teneriffe, Pollock transferred to a Cape liner, but the head followed him. He gambled, tried playing chess, even read books, but he was aware of the risks of drinking. Yet whenever a round black shadow or a round black object came into view, he looked for the head and—saw it. He understood well enough that his imagination was betraying him, but sometimes it felt like the ship he was on, the other passengers, the sailors, and the vast sea were all part of a hazy illusion that barely separated him from a terrible real world. Then the Porroh man, pushing his sinister face through that veil, became the one real and inescapable thing. At that point, he would get up and touch things, taste something, gnaw on something, burn his hand with a match, or stab himself with a needle.
So, struggling grimly and silently with his excited imagination, Pollock reached England. He landed at Southampton, and went on straight from Waterloo to his banker’s in Cornhill in a cab. There he transacted some business with the manager in a private room, and all the while the head hung like an ornament under the black marble mantel and dripped upon the fender. He could hear the drops fall, and see the red on the fender.
So, fighting hard and quietly with his stirred-up imagination, Pollock arrived in England. He landed in Southampton and went directly from Waterloo to his bank in Cornhill in a cab. There, he handled some business with the manager in a private room, and all the while, the head hung like a decoration under the black marble mantel and dripped onto the fender. He could hear the drops fall and see the red on the fender.
“A pretty fern,” said the manager, following his eyes. “But it makes the fender rusty.”
“A nice fern,” said the manager, following his gaze. “But it makes the fender rusty.”
“Very,” said Pollock; “a very pretty fern. And that reminds me. Can you recommend me a[160] physician for mind troubles? I’ve got a little—what is it?—hallucination.”
“Yeah,” said Pollock; “a really pretty fern. And that makes me think. Can you recommend me a[160] doctor for mental issues? I’ve got a little—what is it?—hallucination.”
The head laughed savagely, wildly. Pollock was surprised the manager did not notice it. But the manager only stared at his face.
The head laughed fiercely, uncontrollably. Pollock was surprised the manager didn’t see it. But the manager just kept staring at his face.
With the address of a doctor, Pollock presently emerged in Cornhill. There was no cab in sight, and so he went on down to the western end of the street, and essayed the crossing opposite the Mansion House. The crossing is hardly easy even for the expert Londoner; cabs, vans, carriages, mail-carts, omnibuses go by in one incessant stream; to anyone fresh from the malarious solitudes of Sierra Leone it is a boiling, maddening confusion. But when an inverted head suddenly comes bouncing, like an indiarubber ball, between your legs, leaving distinct smears of blood every time it touches the ground, you can scarcely hope to avoid an accident. Pollock lifted his feet convulsively to avoid it, and then kicked at the thing furiously. Then something hit him violently in the back, and a hot pain ran up his arm.
With a doctor's address in hand, Pollock soon appeared in Cornhill. There were no cabs in sight, so he walked down to the west end of the street and tried to cross opposite the Mansion House. The crossing isn't easy, even for skilled Londoners; cabs, vans, carriages, mail carts, and buses pass by in an endless stream. For someone just back from the swampy wilderness of Sierra Leone, it felt like a chaotic, overwhelming mess. But when a dislocated head suddenly bounces like a rubber ball between your legs, leaving bloody smears every time it hits the ground, it's hard to expect not to have an accident. Pollock jerked his feet up to avoid it, then angrily kicked at the thing. Suddenly, something slammed into his back, and a sharp pain shot up his arm.
He had been hit by the pole of an omnibus, and three of the fingers of his left hand smashed by the hoof of one of the horses—the very fingers, as it happened, that he shot from the Porroh man. They pulled him out from between the horses’ legs, and found the address of the physician in his crushed hand.
He had been struck by the pole of a bus, and three fingers on his left hand were smashed by the hoof of one of the horses—the same fingers, as it turned out, that he had shot from the Porroh man. They pulled him from between the horses' legs and discovered the address of the doctor in his crushed hand.
For a couple of days Pollock’s sensations were full of the sweet, pungent smell of chloroform, of painful operations that caused him no pain, of lying[161] still and being given food and drink. Then he had a slight fever, and was very thirsty, and his old nightmare came back. It was only when it returned that he noticed it had left him for a day.
For a couple of days, Pollock was overwhelmed by the sweet, strong smell of chloroform, the memory of painful procedures that didn’t actually hurt him, and the experience of lying still while being fed and given drinks. Then he developed a slight fever and felt very thirsty, and his old nightmare returned. It was only when it came back that he realized it had been absent for a day.
“If my skull had been smashed instead of my fingers, it might have gone altogether,” said Pollock, staring thoughtfully at the dark cushion that had taken on for the time the shape of the head.
“If my skull had been crushed instead of my fingers, it might have been totally different,” said Pollock, gazing thoughtfully at the dark cushion that had temporarily taken on the shape of a head.
Pollock at the first opportunity told the physician of his mind trouble. He knew clearly that he must go mad unless something should intervene to save him. He explained that he had witnessed a decapitation in Dahomey, and was haunted by one of the heads. Naturally, he did not care to state the actual facts. The physician looked grave.
Pollock immediately told the doctor about his mental issues. He understood that he would go crazy unless something stepped in to help him. He described how he had seen a beheading in Dahomey and that one of the heads was haunting him. Of course, he didn’t want to share the full details. The doctor looked serious.
Presently he spoke hesitatingly. “As a child, did you get very much religious training?”
Currently, he spoke with hesitation. “As a kid, did you receive a lot of religious training?”
“Very little,” said Pollock.
"Not much," said Pollock.
A shade passed over the physician’s face. “I don’t know if you have heard of the miraculous cures—it may be, of course, they are not miraculous—at Lourdes.”
A shadow crossed the doctor's face. “I don't know if you’ve heard about the miraculous healings — though they might not actually be miraculous — at Lourdes.”
“Faith-healing will hardly suit me, I am afraid,” said Pollock, with his eye on the dark cushion.
“Faith-healing probably won’t work for me, I’m afraid,” said Pollock, looking at the dark cushion.
The head distorted its scarred features in an abominable grimace. The physician went upon a new track. “It’s all imagination,” he said, speaking with sudden briskness. “A fair case for faith-healing, anyhow. Your nervous system has run down, you’re in that twilight state of health when the bogles come easiest. The strong impression was[162] too much for you. I must make you up a little mixture that will strengthen your nervous system—especially your brain. And you must take exercise.”
The head twisted into a terrifying grimace. The doctor switched gears. “It’s all in your mind,” he said, suddenly upbeat. “Definitely a case for faith healing. Your nervous system is worn out; you’re in that fragile state of health where fears get amplified. The strong impression was[162] too much for you. I need to prepare a mixture that will boost your nervous system—especially your brain. And you need to get some exercise.”
“I’m no good for faith-healing,” said Pollock.
"I'm not cut out for faith-healing," said Pollock.
“And therefore we must restore tone. Go in search of stimulating air—Scotland, Norway, the Alps”—
“And so we need to regain our energy. Look for refreshing air—Scotland, Norway, the Alps—”
“Jericho, if you like,” said Pollock—“where Naaman went.”
“Jericho, if you prefer,” said Pollock—“where Naaman went.”
However, so soon as his fingers would let him, Pollock made a gallant attempt to follow out the doctor’s suggestion. It was now November. He tried football, but to Pollock the game consisted in kicking a furious inverted head about a field. He was no good at the game. He kicked blindly, with a kind of horror, and when they put him back into goal, and the ball came swooping down upon him, he suddenly yelled and got out of its way. The discreditable stories that had driven him from England to wander in the tropics shut him off from any but men’s society, and now his increasingly strange behaviour made even his man friends avoid him. The thing was no longer a thing of the eye merely; it gibbered at him, spoke to him. A horrible fear came upon him that presently, when he took hold of the apparition, it would no longer become some mere article of furniture, but would feel like a real dissevered head. Alone, he would curse at the thing, defy it, entreat it; once or twice, in spite of his grim self-control, he addressed it in the presence of others. He felt the growing suspicion in the eyes of the[163] people that watched him—his landlady, the servant, his man.
However, as soon as he was able, Pollock made a brave attempt to follow the doctor’s advice. It was now November. He tried playing football, but to Pollock, the game felt like kicking a crazy, upside-down head around a field. He wasn’t good at it. He kicked aimlessly, with a sort of dread, and when they put him back in goal and the ball came flying at him, he suddenly yelled and jumped out of the way. The embarrassing stories that had forced him to leave England and wander in the tropics cut him off from all but male company, and now his increasingly odd behavior made even his male friends avoid him. It became more than just something to look at; it started to whisper to him, speak to him. A terrible fear overcame him that soon, when he grabbed the apparition, it wouldn’t just be some piece of furniture but would actually feel like a real severed head. Alone, he would curse at it, challenge it, plead with it; a couple of times, despite his grim self-control, he even spoke to it in front of others. He felt the growing suspicion in the eyes of the[163] people watching him—his landlady, the servant, his friend.
One day early in December his cousin Arnold—his next of kin—came to see him and draw him out, and watch his sunken yellow face with narrow eager eyes. And it seemed to Pollock that the hat his cousin carried in his hand was no hat at all, but a Gorgon head that glared at him upside down, and fought with its eyes against his reason. However, he was still resolute to see the matter out. He got a bicycle, and, riding over the frosty road from Wandsworth to Kingston, found the thing rolling along at his side, and leaving a dark trail behind it. He set his teeth and rode faster. Then suddenly, as he came down the hill towards Richmond Park, the apparition rolled in front of him and under his wheel, so quickly that he had no time for thought, and, turning quickly to avoid it, was flung violently against a heap of stones and broke his left wrist.
One day, early in December, his cousin Arnold—his closest relative—came to visit him to draw him out and watch his sunken, yellow face with narrow, eager eyes. To Pollock, it seemed like the hat his cousin carried in his hand was not a hat at all but a Gorgon head glaring at him upside down, battling its gaze against his sanity. Still, he was determined to see this through. He got on a bicycle and rode over the frosty road from Wandsworth to Kingston, finding the thing rolling alongside him, leaving a dark trail behind. He gritted his teeth and pedaled faster. Then suddenly, as he descended the hill toward Richmond Park, the apparition rolled in front of him and under his wheel so quickly he had no time to think, and as he swerved to avoid it, he crashed violently into a pile of stones, breaking his left wrist.
The end came on Christmas morning. All night he had been in a fever, the bandages encircling his wrist like a band of fire, his dreams more vivid and terrible than ever. In the cold, colourless, uncertain light that came before the sunrise, he sat up in his bed, and saw the head upon the bracket in the place of the bronze jar that had stood there overnight.
The end came on Christmas morning. All night he had been burning with fever, the bandages around his wrist feeling like a ring of fire, his dreams more intense and horrifying than ever. In the cold, gray, uncertain light before sunrise, he sat up in bed and saw the head on the bracket in the spot where the bronze jar had been overnight.
“I know that is a bronze jar,” he said, with a chill doubt at his heart. Presently the doubt was irresistible. He got out of bed slowly, shivering, and advanced to the jar with his hand raised. Surely he would see now his imagination had deceived him, recognise the distinctive sheen of bronze.[164] At last, after an age of hesitation, his fingers came down on the patterned cheek of the head. He withdrew them spasmodically. The last stage was reached. His sense of touch had betrayed him.
“I know that’s a bronze jar,” he said, with a chill of doubt at his heart. Soon, the doubt became impossible to ignore. He slowly got out of bed, shivering, and moved toward the jar with his hand raised. Surely, he would see now that his imagination had fooled him, recognizing the distinctive shine of bronze.[164] Finally, after what felt like an eternity of hesitation, his fingers touched the patterned surface of the head. He quickly pulled them back. The final moment had come. His sense of touch had betrayed him.
Trembling, stumbling against the bed, kicking against his shoes with his bare feet, a dark confusion eddying round him, he groped his way to the dressing-table, took his razor from the drawer, and sat down on the bed with this in his hand. In the looking-glass he saw his own face, colourless, haggard, full of the ultimate bitterness of despair.
Trembling and stumbling toward the bed, kicking off his shoes with his bare feet, a dark confusion swirling around him, he felt his way to the dressing table, took his razor out of the drawer, and sat down on the bed with it in his hand. In the mirror, he saw his own face, pale, worn out, filled with the deepest bitterness of despair.
He beheld in swift succession the incidents in the brief tale of his experience. His wretched home, his still more wretched schooldays, the years of vicious life he had led since then, one act of selfish dishonour leading to another; it was all clear and pitiless now, all its squalid folly, in the cold light of the dawn. He came to the hut, to the fight with the Porroh man, to the retreat down the river to Sulyma, to the Mendi assassin and his red parcel, to his frantic endeavours to destroy the head, to the growth of his hallucination. It was a hallucination! He knew it was. A hallucination merely. For a moment he snatched at hope. He looked away from the glass, and on the bracket, the inverted head grinned and grimaced at him.... With the stiff fingers of his bandaged hand he felt at his neck for the throb of his arteries. The morning was very cold, the steel blade felt like ice.
He quickly recalled the events of his short life story. His miserable home, his even worse school days, the years of reckless living he had experienced since then, each selfish dishonor leading to another; it all became clear and harsh now, all its dirty foolishness, in the cold light of dawn. He remembered the hut, the fight with the Porroh man, the retreat down the river to Sulyma, the Mendi assassin and his bloody parcel, his desperate attempts to destroy the head, and the rise of his hallucination. It was a hallucination! He knew it was. Just a hallucination. For a moment, he reached for hope. He looked away from the mirror, and on the shelf, the upside-down head grinned and made faces at him... Using the stiff fingers of his bandaged hand, he felt at his neck for the pulse of his arteries. The morning was very cold, the steel blade felt like ice.
THE RED ROOM
“I can assure you,” said I, “that it will take a very tangible ghost to frighten me.” And I stood up before the fire with my glass in my hand.
“I can” assure you,” I said, “that it will take a very real ghost to scare me.” And I stood up by the fire with my drink in my hand.
“It is your own choosing,” said the man with the withered arm, and glanced at me askance.
“It’s up to you,” said the man with the withered arm, glancing at me sideways.
“Eight-and-twenty years,” said I, “I have lived, and never a ghost have I seen as yet.”
“Twenty-eight years,” I said, “I've lived, and I've never seen a ghost yet.”
The old woman sat staring hard into the fire, her pale eyes wide open. “Ay,” she broke in; “and eight-and-twenty years you have lived and never seen the likes of this house, I reckon. There’s a many things to see, when one’s still but eight-and-twenty.” She swayed her head slowly from side to side. “A many things to see and sorrow for.”
The old woman sat staring intently into the fire, her pale eyes wide open. “Yeah,” she interrupted; “and you’ve lived for twenty-eight years and never seen a place like this, I bet. There are plenty of things to see when you’re still only twenty-eight.” She swayed her head slowly from side to side. “So many things to see and be sad about.”
I half suspected the old people were trying to enhance the spiritual terrors of their house by their droning insistence. I put down my empty glass on the table and looked about the room, and caught a glimpse of myself, abbreviated and broadened to an impossible sturdiness, in the queer old mirror at the end of the room. “Well,” I said, “if I see anything to-night, I shall be so much the wiser. For I come to the business with an open mind.”
I half suspected the elderly were trying to amplify the spiritual fears in their house with their constant insistence. I set my empty glass down on the table and scanned the room, catching a glimpse of myself, oddly distorted and looking overly sturdy, in the strange old mirror at the end of the room. “Well,” I said, “if I see anything tonight, I’ll be that much wiser. I approach this with an open mind.”
“It’s your own choosing,” said the man with the withered arm once more.
“It’s your own choice,” said the man with the withered arm once again.
I heard the sound of a stick and a shambling step on the flags in the passage outside, and the door creaked on its hinges as a second old man entered, more bent, more wrinkled, more aged even than the first. He supported himself by a single crutch, his eyes were covered by a shade, and his lower lip, half-averted, hung pale and pink from his decaying yellow teeth. He made straight for an arm-chair on the opposite side of the table, sat down clumsily, and began to cough. The man with the withered arm gave this new-comer a short glance of positive dislike; the old woman took no notice of his arrival, but remained with her eyes fixed steadily on the fire.
I heard the sound of a stick and a shuffling step on the floor outside, and the door creaked on its hinges as a second old man came in, more hunched over, more wrinkled, more aged even than the first. He leaned on a single crutch, his eyes were covered by a shade, and his lower lip, slightly turned away, hung pale and pink from his decaying yellow teeth. He headed straight for an armchair on the other side of the table, sat down awkwardly, and started to cough. The man with the withered arm gave this newcomer a quick look of clear dislike; the old woman paid no attention to his arrival, but kept her gaze fixed steadily on the fire.
“I said—it’s your own choosing,” said the man with the withered arm, when the coughing had ceased for a while.
“I said—it’s your own choice,” said the man with the withered arm, when the coughing had stopped for a moment.
“It’s my own choosing,” I answered.
“It’s my own choice,” I replied.
The man with the shade became aware of my presence for the first time, and threw his head back for a moment and sideways, to see me. I caught a momentary glimpse of his eyes, small and bright and inflamed. Then he began to cough and splutter again.
The man in the hat noticed me for the first time, tilting his head back and to the side to get a look at me. I caught a brief glimpse of his eyes, which were small, bright, and irritated. Then he started to cough and splutter again.
“Why don’t you drink?” said the man with the withered arm, pushing the beer towards him. The man with the shade poured out a glassful with a shaky arm that splashed half as much again on the deal table. A monstrous shadow of him crouched upon the wall and mocked his action as he poured[167] and drank. I must confess I had scarce expected these grotesque custodians. There is to my mind something inhuman in senility, something crouching and atavistic; the human qualities seem to drop from old people insensibly day by day. The three of them made me feel uncomfortable, with their gaunt silences, their bent carriage, their evident unfriendliness to me and to one another.
“Why aren’t you drinking?” asked the guy with the shriveled arm, pushing the beer toward him. The guy in the shades poured a glass with a shaky hand, spilling half of it onto the deal table. A huge shadow of him hunched on the wall, mocking his motion as he poured and drank. I have to admit I hardly expected these bizarre guardians. To me, there’s something inhuman in old age, something crouching and primitive; it seems like old people lose their humanity bit by bit every day. The three of them made me feel uneasy, with their gaunt silences, their hunched postures, and their clear hostility toward me and each other.[167]
“If,” said I, “you will show me to this haunted room of yours, I will make myself comfortable there.”
“If,” I said, “if you show me to this haunted room of yours, I’ll make myself comfortable there.”
The old man with the cough jerked his head back so suddenly that it startled me, and shot another glance of his red eyes at me from under the shade; but no one answered me. I waited a minute, glancing from one to the other.
The old man with the cough suddenly jerked his head back, startling me, and shot another look with his red eyes at me from beneath the shade; but no one replied. I waited for a minute, glancing from one to the other.
“If,” I said a little louder, “if you will show me to this haunted room of yours, I will relieve you from the task of entertaining me.”
“If,” I said a bit louder, “if you show me this haunted room of yours, I’ll spare you the trouble of having to entertain me.”
“There’s a candle on the slab outside the door,” said the man with the withered arm, looking at my feet as he addressed me. “But if you go to the red room to-night”—
“There’s a candle on the slab outside the door,” said the man with the shriveled arm, looking at my feet as he spoke to me. “But if you go to the red room tonight—”
(“This night of all nights!” said the old woman.)
(“This night of all nights!” said the old woman.)
“You go alone.”
"You're going alone."
“Very well,” I answered. “And which way do I go?”
“Okay,” I replied. “So which way should I go?”
“You go along the passage for a bit,” said he, “until you come to a door, and through that is a spiral staircase, and half-way up that is a landing and another door covered with baize. Go through that and down the long corridor to the end, and the red room is on your left up the steps.”
“You go down the hallway for a bit,” he said, “until you reach a door, and through that is a spiral staircase. Halfway up, there's a landing and another door covered with green cloth. Go through that and down the long corridor to the end, and the red room is on your left up the stairs.”
“Have I got that right?” I said, and repeated his directions. He corrected me in one particular.
“Did I get that right?” I asked, and repeated his directions. He corrected me on one point.
“And are you really going?” said the man with the shade, looking at me again for the third time, with that queer, unnatural tilting of the face.
“And are you really going?” said the man with the shades, looking at me for the third time, with that strange, unnatural tilt of his face.
(“This night of all nights!” said the old woman.)
(“This night of all nights!” said the old woman.)
“It is what I came for,” I said, and moved towards the door. As I did so, the old man with the shade rose and staggered round the table, so as to be closer to the others and to the fire. At the door I turned and looked at them, and saw they were all close together, dark against the firelight, staring at me over their shoulders, with an intent expression on their ancient faces.
“It’s what I came for,” I said, and walked toward the door. As I did, the old man with the shade got up and awkwardly moved around the table to be closer to the others and the fire. At the door, I turned and looked at them, and saw they were all huddled together, dark against the firelight, staring at me over their shoulders, with a serious expression on their weathered faces.
“Good-night,” I said, setting the door open.
“Good night,” I said, holding the door open.
“It’s your own choosing,” said the man with the withered arm.
“It’s your choice,” said the man with the withered arm.
I left the door wide open until the candle was well alight, and then I shut them in and walked down the chilly, echoing passage.
I left the door wide open until the candle was burning brightly, and then I closed it and walked down the cold, echoing hallway.
I must confess that the oddness of these three old pensioners in whose charge her ladyship had left the castle, and the deep-toned, old-fashioned furniture of the housekeeper’s room in which they foregathered, affected me in spite of my efforts to keep myself at a matter-of-fact phase. They seemed to belong to another age, an older age, an age when things spiritual were different from this of ours, less certain; an age when omens and witches were credible, and ghosts beyond denying. Their very existence was[169] spectral; the cut of their clothing, fashions born in dead brains. The ornaments and conveniences of the room about them were ghostly—the thoughts of vanished men, which still haunted rather than participated in the world of to-day. But with an effort I sent such thoughts to the right-about. The long, draughty subterranean passage was chilly and dusty, and my candle flared and made the shadows cower and quiver. The echoes rang up and down the spiral staircase, and a shadow came sweeping up after me, and one fled before me into the darkness overhead. I came to the landing and stopped there for a moment, listening to a rustling that I fancied I heard; then, satisfied of the absolute silence, I pushed open the baize-covered door and stood in the corridor.
I have to admit that the strangeness of these three old retirees appointed to look after the castle, along with the dark, outdated furniture in the housekeeper's room where they gathered, affected me despite my attempts to stay grounded. They felt like they belonged to a different time, an older time, when spiritual matters were viewed differently—less certain; a time when omens and witches were believable, and ghosts couldn't be denied. Their very presence felt ghostly; their clothing was from long-gone styles. The decorations and furnishings around them were eerie—remnants of men who had vanished, still lingering rather than engaging with today's world. But I forced myself to push those thoughts aside. The long, drafty underground passage was cold and dusty, and my candle flickered, making the shadows jump. The echoes traveled up and down the spiral staircase, and a shadow followed me up, while another darted ahead into the darkness above. I reached the landing and paused for a moment, listening to a rustling sound I thought I heard; then, convinced of the complete silence, I pushed open the baize-covered door and stepped into the corridor.
The effect was scarcely what I expected, for the moonlight, coming in by the great window on the grand staircase, picked out everything in vivid black shadow or silvery illumination. Everything was in its place: the house might have been deserted on the yesterday instead of eighteen months ago. There were candles in the sockets of the sconces, and whatever dust had gathered on the carpets or upon the polished flooring was distributed so evenly as to be invisible in the moonlight. I was about to advance, and stopped abruptly. A bronze group stood upon the landing, hidden from me by the corner of the wall, but its shadow fell with marvellous distinctness upon the white panelling, and gave me the impression of someone crouching to waylay me. I stood rigid for half a minute perhaps. Then, with[170] my hand in the pocket that held my revolver, I advanced, only to discover a Ganymede and Eagle glistening in the moonlight. That incident for a time restored my nerve, and a porcelain Chinaman on a buhl table, whose head rocked silently as I passed him, scarcely startled me.
The effect was hardly what I expected, as the moonlight streaming through the large window on the grand staircase highlighted everything with sharp black shadows or silvery glow. Everything was in its place: the house looked like it had been deserted just yesterday instead of eighteen months ago. There were candles in the sconces, and any dust that had settled on the carpets or polished floors was spread so evenly that it was invisible in the moonlight. I was about to move forward when I suddenly stopped. A bronze statue stood on the landing, obscured from my view by the corner of the wall, but its shadow cast a strikingly clear silhouette on the white paneling, making me feel like someone was hiding there waiting for me. I stood still for what felt like half a minute. Then, with my hand in the pocket where my revolver was, I moved closer, only to find a Ganymede and Eagle glistening in the moonlight. That moment helped me regain my composure, and a porcelain Chinese figure on a buhl table, whose head tilted silently as I walked by, barely startled me.
The door to the red room and the steps up to it were in a shadowy corner. I moved my candle from side to side, in order to see clearly the nature of the recess in which I stood before opening the door. Here it was, thought I, that my predecessor was found, and the memory of that story gave me a sudden twinge of apprehension. I glanced over my shoulder at the Ganymede in the moonlight, and opened the door of the red room rather hastily, with my face half turned to the pallid silence of the landing.
The door to the red room and the steps leading up to it were in a dark corner. I moved my candle from side to side to see clearly the space I was in before opening the door. This was where my predecessor was found, and remembering that story made me feel a sudden wave of anxiety. I glanced back at the Ganymede in the moonlight and opened the door to the red room pretty quickly, my face half-turned toward the pale silence of the landing.
I entered, closed the door behind me at once, turned the key I found in the lock within, and stood with the candle held aloft, surveying the scene of my vigil, the great red room of Lorraine Castle, in which the young duke had died. Or, rather, in which he had begun his dying, for he had opened the door and fallen headlong down the steps I had just ascended. That had been the end of his vigil, of his gallant attempt to conquer the ghostly tradition of the place, and never, I thought, had apoplexy better served the ends of superstition. And there were other and older stories that clung to the room, back to the half-credible beginning of it all, the tale of a timid wife and the tragic end that came to her husband’s jest of frightening her. And looking around that large shadowy room, with its shadowy[171] window bays, its recesses and alcoves, one could well understand the legends that had sprouted in its black corners, its germinating darkness. My candle was a little tongue of light in its vastness, that failed to pierce the opposite end of the room, and left an ocean of mystery and suggestion beyond its island of light.
I walked in, quickly shut the door behind me, turned the key I found in the lock inside, and stood there with the candle held high, looking over the scene of my watch, the big red room of Lorraine Castle, where the young duke had died. Or rather, where he had started to die, since he had opened the door and tumbled headfirst down the steps I had just climbed. That marked the end of his watch, his brave attempt to face the haunting legends of the place, and never, I thought, had a stroke better highlighted the power of superstition. There were also other, older stories that lingered in the room, reaching back to the somewhat credible beginning of it all, the tale of a scared wife and the tragic outcome of her husband’s prank to scare her. As I looked around that large, shadowy room, with its dark window bays, its nooks and alcoves, it was easy to grasp the legends that had grown in its dark corners, its thriving darkness. My candle was just a small flicker of light in its expanse, failing to reach the far end of the room, leaving an ocean of mystery and suggestion beyond its little island of light.
I resolved to make a systematic examination of the place at once, and dispel the fanciful suggestions of its obscurity before they obtained a hold upon me. After satisfying myself of the fastening of the door, I began to walk about the room, peering round each article of furniture, tucking up the valances of the bed, and opening its curtains wide. I pulled up the blinds and examined the fastenings of the several windows before closing the shutters, leant forward and looked up the blackness of the wide chimney, and tapped the dark oak panelling for any secret opening. There were two big mirrors in the room, each with a pair of sconces bearing candles, and on the mantelshelf, too, were more candles in china candlesticks. All these I lit one after the other. The fire was laid,—an unexpected consideration from the old housekeeper,—and I lit it, to keep down any disposition to shiver, and when it was burning well, I stood round with my back to it and regarded the room again. I had pulled up a chintz-covered arm-chair and a table, to form a kind of barricade before me, and on this lay my revolver ready to hand. My precise examination had done me good, but I still found the remoter darkness of the place, and its perfect stillness, too stimulating for the imagination.[172] The echoing of the stir and crackling of the fire was no sort of comfort to me. The shadow in the alcove, at the end in particular, had that undefinable quality of a presence, that odd suggestion of a lurking living thing, that comes so easily in silence and solitude. At last, to reassure myself, I walked with a candle into it, and satisfied myself that there was nothing tangible there. I stood that candle upon the floor of the alcove, and left it in that position.
I decided to thoroughly examine the place right away and shake off any imaginative fears about its mysteriousness before they could take hold of me. After making sure the door was locked, I started moving around the room, checking every piece of furniture, lifting the bed’s valances, and pulling the curtains wide open. I raised the blinds and checked the locks on the windows before shutting the shutters, leaned forward to peer up the dark chimney, and tapped the dark oak paneling looking for any secret openings. There were two large mirrors in the room, each with a pair of candle sconces, and more candles in china candlesticks on the mantel. I lit each of them one by one. The fire was already set, thanks to the old housekeeper, and I lit it to fend off any chills. Once it was going well, I stood with my back to it and looked around the room again. I had moved a chintz-covered armchair and a table in front of me to create a kind of barricade, with my revolver ready on top. My thorough inspection had calmed me down, but I still found the deeper darkness and absolute silence of the place too stimulating for my imagination. The sounds of the fire crackling and popping didn’t comfort me at all. The shadow in the alcove, in particular, had that eerie sense of a presence, an odd hint of something alive lurking in the stillness. Finally, to reassure myself, I walked over with a candle and checked to confirm there was nothing there. I set the candle down on the floor of the alcove and left it there.
By this time I was in a state of considerable nervous tension, although to my reason there was no adequate cause for the condition. My mind, however, was perfectly clear. I postulated quite unreservedly that nothing supernatural could happen, and to pass the time I began to string some rhymes together, Ingoldsby fashion, of the original legend of the place. A few I spoke aloud, but the echoes were not pleasant. For the same reason I also abandoned, after a time, a conversation with myself upon the impossibility of ghosts and haunting. My mind reverted to the three old and distorted people downstairs, and I tried to keep it upon that topic. The sombre reds and blacks of the room troubled me; even with seven candles the place was merely dim. The one in the alcove flared in a draught, and the fire-flickering kept the shadows and penumbra perpetually shifting and stirring. Casting about for a remedy, I recalled the candles I had seen in the passage, and, with a slight effort, walked out into the moonlight, carrying a candle and leaving the door open, and presently returned with as many as ten. These I put in various knick-knacks of[173] china with which the room was sparsely adorned, lit and placed where the shadows had lain deepest, some on the floor, some in the window recesses, until at last my seventeen candles were so arranged that not an inch of the room but had the direct light of at least one of them. It occurred to me that when the ghost came, I could warn him not to trip over them. The room was now quite brightly illuminated. There was something very cheery and reassuring in these little streaming flames, and snuffing them gave me an occupation, and afforded a reassuring sense of the passage of time.
By this time, I was feeling very anxious, even though there was no real reason for it. My mind was clear, though. I confidently assumed that nothing supernatural could happen, so to occupy myself, I started to put together some rhymes about the original legend of the place, like Ingoldsby. I spoke a few of them out loud, but the echoes weren't nice. For the same reason, I also eventually stopped debating with myself about the impossibility of ghosts and hauntings. My thoughts drifted back to the three old, twisted people downstairs, and I tried to keep my focus on that. The dark reds and blacks of the room unsettled me; even with seven candles, it was only dim. The one in the alcove flickered in a draft, and the firelight made the shadows constantly shift and move. Looking for a solution, I remembered the candles I had seen in the hallway, so with a little effort, I stepped out into the moonlight, carrying one candle and leaving the door open, then came back with as many as ten. I placed them in various pieces of china that decorated the room sparingly, lighting them and positioning them where the shadows had been the deepest—some on the floor, some in the window recesses—until finally, my seventeen candles were set up so that there wasn't a single inch of the room without the direct light from at least one of them. I thought that when the ghost arrived, I could warn him not to trip over them. The room was now brightly lit. There was something very comforting about these little flames, and snuffing them out kept me occupied and gave me a reassuring sense of time passing.
Even with that, however, the brooding expectation of the vigil weighed heavily upon me. It was after midnight that the candle in the alcove suddenly went out, and the black shadow sprang back to its place there. I did not see the candle go out; I simply turned and saw that the darkness was there, as one might start and see the unexpected presence of a stranger. “By Jove!” said I aloud; “that draught’s a strong one!” and, taking the matches from the table, I walked across the room in a leisurely manner to relight the corner again. My first match would not strike, and as I succeeded with the second, something seemed to blink on the wall before me. I turned my head involuntarily, and saw that the two candles on the little table by the fireplace were extinguished. I rose at once to my feet.
Even so, the heavy anticipation of the vigil weighed down on me. It was past midnight when the candle in the alcove suddenly went out, and the dark shadow rushed back to its place there. I didn’t see the candle extinguish; I just turned and noticed the darkness had filled the space, almost like spotting an unexpected stranger. “Wow!” I exclaimed; “that draft is something else!” Grabbing the matches from the table, I strolled across the room to light that corner again. My first match wouldn’t strike, but I managed to get the second one to work, and something seemed to blink on the wall in front of me. I instinctively turned my head and saw that the two candles on the small table by the fireplace were extinguished. I immediately got to my feet.
“Odd!” I said. “Did I do that myself in a flash of absent-mindedness?”
“Odd!” I said. “Did I really do that myself in a moment of absent-mindedness?”
I walked back, relit one, and as I did so, I saw[174] the candle in the right sconce of one of the mirrors wink and go right out, and almost immediately its companion followed it. There was no mistake about it. The flame vanished, as if the wicks had been suddenly nipped between a finger and a thumb, leaving the wick neither glowing nor smoking, but black. While I stood gaping, the candle at the foot of the bed went out, and the shadows seemed to take another step towards me.
I walked back, lit another candle, and as I did, I saw[174] the candle in the right sconce of one of the mirrors flicker and then go out, and almost right after, its companion followed suit. There was no doubt about it. The flame disappeared as if someone had suddenly pinched the wicks between their fingers, leaving them neither glowing nor smoking, just black. While I stood there in shock, the candle at the foot of the bed went out, and the shadows seemed to creep closer to me.
“This won’t do!” said I, and first one and then another candle on the mantelshelf followed.
“This isn’t going to work!” I said, and one candle after another on the mantel followed.
“What’s up?” I cried, with a queer high note getting into my voice somehow. At that the candle on the wardrobe went out, and the one I had relit in the alcove followed.
“What's up?” I shouted, a strange high note slipping into my voice. At that, the candle on the wardrobe went out, and the one I had just lit in the alcove followed suit.
“Steady on!” I said. “These candles are wanted,” speaking with a half-hysterical facetiousness, and scratching away at a match the while for the mantel candlesticks. My hands trembled so much that twice I missed the rough paper of the matchbox. As the mantel emerged from darkness again, two candles in the remoter end of the window were eclipsed. But with the same match I also relit the larger mirror candles, and those on the floor near the doorway, so that for the moment I seemed to gain on the extinctions. But then in a volley there vanished four lights at once in different corners of the room, and I struck another match in quivering haste, and stood hesitating whither to take it.
“Steady there!” I said. “These candles are needed,” I added with a hint of nervous humor, while trying to strike a match for the mantel candlesticks. My hands were shaking so much that I missed the rough paper of the matchbox twice. As the mantel came back into view, I noticed that two candles at the far end of the window had gone out. But with the same match, I also reignited the larger mirror candles and those on the floor by the doorway, so for a moment it felt like I was catching up on the darkness. Then, in quick succession, four lights went out in different corners of the room, and I struck another match in a flurry, uncertain about where to direct it.
As I stood undecided, an invisible hand seemed to sweep out the two candles on the table. With a cry of terror, I dashed at the alcove, then into the corner,[175] and then into the window, relighting three, as two more vanished by the fireplace; then, perceiving a better way, I dropped the matches on the iron-bound deed-box in the corner, and caught up the bedroom candlestick. With this I avoided the delay of striking matches; but for all that the steady process of extinction went on, and the shadows I feared and fought against returned, and crept in upon me, first a step gained on this side of me and then on that. It was like a ragged storm-cloud sweeping out the stars. Now and then one returned for a minute, and was lost again. I was now almost frantic with the horror of the coming darkness, and my self-possession deserted me. I leaped panting and dishevelled from candle to candle, in a vain struggle against that remorseless advance.
As I stood there unsure, it felt like an invisible hand snuffed out the two candles on the table. With a scream of fright, I ran toward the alcove, then into the corner,[175] and then to the window, relighting three candles as two more went out by the fireplace. Realizing there was a better way, I dropped the matches on the iron-bound deed box in the corner and grabbed the bedroom candlestick. This way, I could avoid the delay of lighting matches, but still, the relentless extinguishing continued, and the shadows I feared and fought against returned, creeping closer, first from one side and then the other. It was like a ragged storm cloud blocking out the stars. Now and then a candle would flicker back to life for a minute, only to be snuffed out again. I was nearly frantic with the dread of the oncoming darkness, and I lost my composure. I jumped, breathless and messy, from candle to candle, struggling in vain against that unstoppable advance.
I bruised myself on the thigh against the table, I sent a chair headlong, I stumbled and fell and whisked the cloth from the table in my fall. My candle rolled away from me, and I snatched another as I rose. Abruptly this was blown out, as I swung it off the table, by the wind of my sudden movement, and immediately the two remaining candles followed. But there was light still in the room, a red light that staved off the shadows from me. The fire! Of course, I could still thrust my candle between the bars and relight it!
I bumped my thigh against the table, sent a chair flying, stumbled, and knocked the cloth off the table as I fell. My candle rolled away from me, so I grabbed another one as I got up. Suddenly, the candle went out when I swung it off the table because of my quick movement, and the two remaining candles quickly went out too. But there was still light in the room, a red light that pushed the shadows back. The fire! Of course, I could still stick my candle between the bars and light it again!
I turned to where the flames were still dancing between the glowing coals, and splashing red reflections upon the furniture, made two steps towards the grate, and incontinently the flames dwindled and vanished, the glow vanished, the reflections rushed[176] together and vanished, and as I thrust the candle between the bars, darkness closed upon me like the shutting of an eye, wrapped about me in a stifling embrace, sealed my vision, and crushed the last vestiges of reason from my brain. The candle fell from my hand. I flung out my arms in a vain effort to thrust that ponderous blackness away from me, and, lifting up my voice, screamed with all my might—once, twice, thrice. Then I think I must have staggered to my feet. I know I thought suddenly of the moonlit corridor, and, with my head bowed and my arms over my face, made a run for the door.
I turned to where the flames were still flickering among the glowing coals, casting red reflections on the furniture. I took two steps toward the fireplace, and suddenly the flames shrank and disappeared, the glow faded, and the reflections vanished. As I pushed the candle between the bars, darkness enveloped me like an eye closing, wrapping around me in a suffocating grip, sealing my vision and crushing any remnants of reason from my mind. The candle dropped from my hand. I flung my arms out in a futile attempt to push that heavy darkness away from me, and, raising my voice, I screamed with all my strength—once, twice, three times. Then I think I must have managed to get to my feet. I suddenly remembered the moonlit corridor, and, with my head down and my arms covering my face, I rushed toward the door.
But I had forgotten the exact position of the door, and struck myself heavily against the corner of the bed. I staggered back, turned, and was either struck or struck myself against some other bulky furniture. I have a vague memory of battering myself thus, to and fro in the darkness, of a cramped struggle, and of my own wild crying as I darted to and fro, of a heavy blow at last upon my forehead, a horrible sensation of falling that lasted an age, of my last frantic effort to keep my footing, and then I remember no more.
But I had forgotten exactly where the door was and slammed into the corner of the bed. I staggered back, turned, and either hit something or bumped into another piece of heavy furniture. I have a blurry memory of thrashing around in the dark, struggling to get my bearings, and my own frantic cries as I moved back and forth, a heavy blow finally striking my forehead, a terrible feeling of falling that seemed to last forever, my last desperate attempt to stay upright, and then I remember nothing more.
I opened my eyes in daylight. My head was roughly bandaged, and the man with the withered arm was watching my face. I looked about me, trying to remember what had happened, and for a space I could not recollect. I rolled my eyes into the corner, and saw the old woman, no longer abstracted, pouring out some drops of medicine[177] from a little blue phial into a glass. “Where am I?” I asked. “I seem to remember you, and yet I cannot remember who you are.”
I opened my eyes to daylight. My head was wrapped in a rough bandage, and the man with the withered arm was watching my face. I looked around, trying to remember what had happened, but for a moment I couldn't recall anything. I turned my gaze to the corner and saw the old woman, no longer lost in thought, pouring some drops of medicine[177] from a small blue vial into a glass. “Where am I?” I asked. “I feel like I remember you, but I can't recall who you are.”
They told me then, and I heard of the haunted Red Room as one who hears a tale. “We found you at dawn,” said he, “and there was blood on your forehead and lips.”
They told me then, and I heard about the haunted Red Room like someone listening to a story. “We found you at dawn,” he said, “and there was blood on your forehead and lips.”
It was very slowly I recovered my memory of my experience. “You believe now,” said the old man, “that the room is haunted?” He spoke no longer as one who greets an intruder, but as one who grieves for a broken friend.
It was very slowly that I regained my memory of my experience. “You believe now,” said the old man, “that the room is haunted?” He no longer spoke like someone who greets an intruder, but like someone who mourns for a lost friend.
“Yes,” said I; “the room is haunted.”
“Yes,” I said; “the room is haunted.”
“And you have seen it. And we, who have lived here all our lives, have never set eyes upon it. Because we have never dared.... Tell us, is it truly the old earl who”—
“And you have seen it. And we, who have lived here all our lives, have never set eyes upon it. Because we have never dared.... Tell us, is it truly the old earl who”—
“No,” said I; “it is not.”
“No,” I said, “it’s not.”
“I told you so,” said the old lady, with the glass in her hand. “It is his poor young countess who was frightened”—
“I told you so,” said the old lady, holding the glass in her hand. “It’s his poor young countess who was scared—”
“It is not,” I said. “There is neither ghost of earl nor ghost of countess in that room, there is no ghost there at all; but worse, far worse”—
“It’s not,” I said. “There’s no ghost of an earl or a countess in that room; there’s no ghost there at all; but worse, much worse—”
“Well?” they said.
"What's up?" they asked.
“The worst of all the things that haunt poor mortal man,” said I; “and that is, in all its nakedness—Fear! Fear that will not have light nor sound, that will not bear with reason, that deafens and darkens and overwhelms. It followed me through the corridor, it fought against me in the room”—
“The worst of all the things that haunt poor mortal man,” I said; “and that is, in all its rawness—Fear! Fear that won’t let in light or sound, that can’t be reasoned with, that deafens, darkens, and overwhelms. It followed me down the hallway, it battled against me in the room”—
I stopped abruptly. There was an interval of silence. My hand went up to my bandages.
I stopped suddenly. There was a moment of silence. My hand moved up to my bandages.
Then the man with the shade sighed and spoke. “That is it,” said he. “I knew that was it. A Power of Darkness. To put such a curse upon a woman! It lurks there always. You can feel it even in the daytime, even of a bright summer’s day, in the hangings, in the curtains, keeping behind you however you face about. In the dusk it creeps along the corridor and follows you, so that you dare not turn. There is Fear in that room of hers—black Fear, and there will be—so long as this house of sin endures.”
Then the man with the glasses sighed and spoke. "That's it," he said. "I knew it was. A Power of Darkness. To put such a curse on a woman! It’s always lurking there. You can feel it even during the day, even on a bright summer day, in the drapes, in the curtains, following you no matter how you turn. In the dusk, it creeps down the hallway and trails after you, so you don’t dare look back. There is Fear in that room of hers—dark Fear, and it will remain— as long as this house of sin exists."
THE CONE
The night was hot and overcast, the sky red-rimmed with the lingering sunset of midsummer. They sat at the open window, trying to fancy the air was fresher there. The trees and shrubs of the garden stood stiff and dark; beyond in the roadway a gas-lamp burnt, bright orange against the hazy blue of the evening. Farther were the three lights of the railway signal against the lowering sky. The man and woman spoke to one another in low tones.
The night was warm and cloudy, the sky edged in red from the fading midsummer sunset. They sat by the open window, hoping the air felt cooler there. The trees and bushes in the garden were rigid and dark; further down the street, a gas lamp glowed, bright orange against the hazy blue of the evening. In the distance were the three lights of the railway signal against the darkening sky. The man and woman talked to each other in quiet voices.
“He does not suspect?” said the man, a little nervously.
“He doesn’t suspect?” said the man, a bit nervously.
“Not he,” she said peevishly, as though that too irritated her. “He thinks of nothing but the works and the prices of fuel. He has no imagination, no poetry.”
“Not him,” she said irritably, as if that annoyed her as well. “He only thinks about the projects and the fuel prices. He has no creativity, no sense of beauty.”
“None of these men of iron have,” he said sententiously. “They have no hearts.”
“None of these tough guys have,” he said seriously. “They have no feelings.”
“He has not,” she said. She turned her discontented face towards the window. The distant sound of a roaring and rushing drew nearer and grew in volume; the house quivered; one heard the metallic rattle of the tender. As the train[180] passed, there was a glare of light above the cutting and a driving tumult of smoke; one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight black oblongs—eight trucks—passed across the dim grey of the embankment, and were suddenly extinguished one by one in the throat of the tunnel, which, with the last, seemed to swallow down train, smoke, and sound in one abrupt gulp.
“He hasn’t,” she said. She turned her unhappy face toward the window. The distant sound of a roaring and rushing came closer and got louder; the house shook; you could hear the metallic clatter of the train cars. As the train[180] passed by, there was a flash of light above the cut and a driving cloud of smoke; one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight black rectangles—eight freight cars—crossed the dim gray of the embankment and were suddenly swallowed one by one in the mouth of the tunnel, which seemed to gulp down the train, smoke, and sound all at once.
“This country was all fresh and beautiful once,” he said; “and now—it is Gehenna. Down that way—nothing but pot-banks and chimneys belching fire and dust into the face of heaven.... But what does it matter? An end comes, an end to all this cruelty.... To-morrow.” He spoke the last word in a whisper.
“This country used to be fresh and beautiful,” he said; “and now—it’s a hellhole. Down that way—nothing but factories and chimneys spewing fire and dust into the sky.... But what does it matter? An end comes, an end to all this cruelty.... Tomorrow.” He said the last word in a whisper.
“To-morrow,” she said, speaking in a whisper too, and still staring out of the window.
“Tomorrow,” she said, whispering as well, still staring out of the window.
“Dear!” he said, putting his hand on hers.
“Dear!” he said, putting his hand on hers.
She turned with a start, and their eyes searched one another’s. Hers softened to his gaze. “My dear one!” she said, and then: “It seems so strange—that you should have come into my life like this—to open”— She paused.
She turned abruptly, and their eyes locked onto each other. Hers softened at his gaze. “My dear!” she said, and then: “It feels so strange—that you entered my life like this—to open”— She paused.
“To open?” he said.
"Shall I open it?" he asked.
“All this wonderful world”—she hesitated, and spoke still more softly—“this world of love to me.”
“All this amazing world”—she paused, and spoke even more quietly—“this world of love to me.”
Then suddenly the door clicked and closed. They turned their heads, and he started violently back. In the shadow of the room stood a great shadowy figure—silent. They saw the face dimly in the half-light, with unexpressive dark patches under the penthouse brows. Every muscle in Raut’s[181] body suddenly became tense. When could the door have opened? What had he heard? Had he heard all? What had he seen? A tumult of questions.
Then suddenly the door clicked and shut. They turned their heads, and he jumped back in shock. In the shadowy room stood a large, indistinct figure—silent. They could barely make out the face in the dim light, with dark, unexpressive patches under the low brows. Every muscle in Raut’s[181] body instantly tensed. When could the door have opened? What had he heard? Had he heard everything? What had he seen? A whirlwind of questions.
The new-comer’s voice came at last, after a pause that seemed interminable. “Well?” he said.
The newcomer finally spoke after a pause that felt endless. “Well?” he asked.
“I was afraid I had missed you, Horrocks,” said the man at the window, gripping the window-ledge with his hand. His voice was unsteady.
“I was worried I might have missed you, Horrocks,” said the man at the window, gripping the ledge with his hand. His voice was shaky.
The clumsy figure of Horrocks came forward out of the shadow. He made no answer to Raut’s remark. For a moment he stood above them.
The awkward figure of Horrocks stepped out of the shadow. He didn’t respond to Raut’s comment. For a moment, he stood over them.
The woman’s heart was cold within her. “I told Mr. Raut it was just possible you might come back,” she said, in a voice that never quivered.
The woman’s heart was cold inside her. “I told Mr. Raut it was possible you might come back,” she said, in a voice that never wavered.
Horrocks, still silent, sat down abruptly in the chair by her little work-table. His big hands were clenched; one saw now the fire of his eyes under the shadow of his brows. He was trying to get his breath. His eyes went from the woman he had trusted to the friend he had trusted, and then back to the woman.
Horrocks, still quiet, suddenly sat down in the chair by her small worktable. His large hands were clenched; one could see the intensity of his eyes beneath the shadow of his brows. He was trying to catch his breath. His gaze shifted from the woman he had trusted to the friend he had relied on, and then back to the woman.
By this time and for the moment all three half understood one another. Yet none dared say a word to ease the pent-up things that choked them.
By this time, all three partially understood each other. Yet none of them dared to say anything to release the built-up emotions that suffocated them.
It was the husband’s voice that broke the silence at last.
It was the husband's voice that finally broke the silence.
“You wanted to see me?” he said to Raut.
“You wanted to see me?” he asked Raut.
Raut started as he spoke. “I came to see you,” he said, resolved to lie to the last.
Raut began to speak. “I came to see you,” he said, determined to maintain his lie until the end.
“Yes,” said Horrocks.
“Yes,” Horrocks replied.
“You promised,” said Raut, “to show me some fine effects of moonlight and smoke.”
"You promised," Raut said, "to show me some great effects of moonlight and smoke."
“I promised to show you some fine effects of moonlight and smoke,” repeated Horrocks in a colourless voice.
“I promised to show you some great effects of moonlight and smoke,” Horrocks said again in a flat voice.
“And I thought I might catch you to-night before you went down to the works,” proceeded Raut, “and come with you.”
“And I thought I could catch you tonight before you headed down to the works,” Raut continued, “and go with you.”
There was another pause. Did the man mean to take the thing coolly? Did he after all know? How long had he been in the room? Yet even at the moment when they heard the door, their attitudes.... Horrocks glanced at the profile of the woman, shadowy pallid in the half-light. Then he glanced at Raut, and seemed to recover himself suddenly. “Of course,” he said, “I promised to show you the works under their proper dramatic conditions. It’s odd how I could have forgotten.”
There was another pause. Did the man plan to take it easy? Did he know after all? How long had he been in the room? Yet even when they heard the door, their postures.... Horrocks looked at the woman's profile, pale and shadowy in the dim light. Then he looked at Raut and seemed to snap back to reality. “Of course,” he said, “I promised to show you the works in their proper dramatic context. It's strange how I could have forgotten.”
“If I am troubling you”—began Raut.
“If I'm bothering you,” Raut started.
Horrocks started again. A new light had suddenly come into the sultry gloom of his eyes. “Not in the least,” he said.
Horrocks started again. A new light had suddenly appeared in the heavy gloom of his eyes. “Not at all,” he said.
“Have you been telling Mr. Raut of all these contrasts of flame and shadow you think so splendid?” said the woman, turning now to her husband for the first time, her confidence creeping back again, her voice just one half-note too high. “That dreadful theory of yours that machinery is beautiful, and everything else in the world ugly. I thought he would not spare you, Mr. Raut. It’s his great theory, his one discovery in art.”
“Have you been telling Mr. Raut about all these contrasts of light and shadow that you find so amazing?” the woman said, finally turning to her husband, her confidence coming back a bit, her voice just a little too high. “That awful theory of yours that machines are beautiful and everything else in the world is ugly. I thought he would really challenge you, Mr. Raut. It’s his big idea, his one breakthrough in art.”
“I am slow to make discoveries,” said Horrocks[183] grimly, damping her suddenly. “But what I discover....” He stopped.
“I take my time making discoveries,” said Horrocks[183] grimly, putting a damper on her enthusiasm. “But what I do find....” He paused.
“Well?” she said.
“Well?” she asked.
“Nothing;” and suddenly he rose to his feet.
“Nothing;” and suddenly he stood up.
“I promised to show you the works,” he said to Raut, and put his big, clumsy hand on his friend’s shoulder. “And you are ready to go?”
“I promised to show you the works,” he said to Raut, placing his large, awkward hand on his friend’s shoulder. “Are you ready to go?”
“Quite,” said Raut, and stood up also.
“Absolutely,” Raut said, standing up as well.
There was another pause. Each of them peered through the indistinctness of the dusk at the other two. Horrock’s hand still rested on Raut’s shoulder. Raut half fancied still that the incident was trivial after all. But Mrs. Horrocks knew her husband better, knew that grim quiet in his voice, and the confusion in her mind took a vague shape of physical evil. “Very well,” said Horrocks, and, dropping his hand, turned towards the door.
There was another pause. Each of them looked through the fading light of dusk at the other two. Horrock's hand still rested on Raut's shoulder. Raut still half thought that the incident was trivial after all. But Mrs. Horrocks knew her husband better, recognized that grim quiet in his voice, and the confusion in her mind took on a vague sense of physical threat. “Alright,” said Horrocks, and, dropping his hand, turned towards the door.
“My hat?” Raut looked round in the half-light.
“My hat?” Raut looked around in the dim light.
“That’s my work-basket,” said Mrs. Horrocks, with a gust of hysterical laughter. Their hands came together on the back of the chair. “Here it is!” he said. She had an impulse to warn him in an undertone, but she could not frame a word. “Don’t go!” and “Beware of him!” struggled in her mind, and the swift moment passed.
“That’s my work basket,” said Mrs. Horrocks, laughing uncontrollably. Their hands met on the back of the chair. “Here it is!” he said. She felt the urge to warn him in a low voice, but she couldn’t find the words. “Don’t go!” and “Watch out for him!” raced through her mind, and the brief moment slipped away.
“Got it?” said Horrocks, standing with the door half open.
“Got it?” Horrocks asked, standing with the door half open.
Raut stepped towards him. “Better say good-bye to Mrs. Horrocks,” said the ironmaster, even more grimly quiet in his tone than before.
Raut stepped closer to him. “You should probably say goodbye to Mrs. Horrocks,” said the ironmaster, his tone even more quietly serious than before.
Raut started and turned. “Good-evening, Mrs. Horrocks,” he said, and their hands touched.
Raut started and turned. “Good evening, Mrs. Horrocks,” he said, and their hands touched.
Horrocks held the door open with a ceremonial politeness unusual in him towards men. Raut went out, and then, after a wordless look at her, her husband followed. She stood motionless while Raut’s light footfall and her husband’s heavy tread, like bass and treble, passed down the passage together. The front door slammed heavily. She went to the window, moving slowly, and stood watching—leaning forward. The two men appeared for a moment at the gateway in the road, passed under the street lamp, and were hidden by the black masses of the shrubbery. The lamplight fell for a moment on their faces, showing only unmeaning pale patches, telling nothing of what she still feared, and doubted, and craved vainly to know. Then she sank down into a crouching attitude in the big arm-chair, her eyes wide open and staring out at the red lights from the furnaces that flickered in the sky. An hour after she was still there, her attitude scarcely changed.
Horrocks held the door open with an unusual politeness toward men. Raut stepped out, and then, after a silent look at her, her husband followed. She stood still while Raut’s light footsteps and her husband’s heavy tread, like bass and treble, moved down the corridor together. The front door slammed shut. She slowly walked to the window and stood watching—leaning forward. The two men briefly appeared at the gateway, passed under the streetlamp, and disappeared into the dense shrubbery. The lamplight briefly illuminated their faces, revealing only pale patches that meant nothing to her—nothing of what she still feared, doubted, and desperately wanted to understand. Then she sank into a crouched position in the large armchair, her eyes wide open, staring at the red lights of the furnaces flickering in the sky. An hour later, she was still there, her position hardly changed.
The oppressive stillness of the evening weighed heavily upon Raut. They went side by side down the road in silence, and in silence turned into the cinder-made by-way that presently opened out the prospect of the valley.
The suffocating stillness of the evening felt heavy on Raut. They walked side by side down the road in silence, and in silence turned onto the cinder path that soon revealed the view of the valley.
A blue haze, half dust, half mist, touched the long valley with mystery. Beyond were Hanley and Etruria, grey and dark masses, outlined thinly by the rare golden dots of the street lamps, and here and there a gaslit window, or the yellow glare of some late-working factory or crowded public-house. Out of the masses, clear and slender against[185] the evening sky, rose a multitude of tall chimneys, many of them reeking, a few smokeless during a season of “play.” Here and there a pallid patch and ghostly stunted beehive shapes showed the position of a pot-bank, or a wheel, black and sharp against the hot lower sky, marked some colliery where they raise the iridescent coal of the place. Nearer at hand was the broad stretch of railway, and half invisible trains shunted—a steady puffing and rumbling, with every run a ringing concussion and a rhythmic series of impacts, and a passage of intermittent puffs of white steam across the further view. And to the left, between the railway and the dark mass of the low hill beyond, dominating the whole view, colossal, inky-black, and crowned with smoke and fitful flames, stood the great cylinders of the Jeddah Company Blast Furnaces, the central edifices of the big ironworks of which Horrocks was the manager. They stood heavy and threatening, full of an incessant turmoil of flames and seething molten iron, and about the feet of them rattled the rolling-mills, and the steam-hammer beat heavily and splashed the white iron sparks hither and thither. Even as they looked, a truckful of fuel was shot into one of the giants, and the red flames gleamed out, and a confusion of smoke and black dust came boiling upwards towards the sky.
A blue haze, part dust and part mist, covered the long valley with an air of mystery. Beyond were Hanley and Etruria, gray and dark shapes, faintly outlined by the rare golden lights of street lamps, and here and there a lit-up window or the bright glow of a late-night factory or bustling pub. From these shadows, a multitude of tall chimneys rose clear and slender against the evening sky, many puffing smoke, while a few were smokeless during a “play” season. Here and there, a pale patch or ghostly, stunted beehive shapes indicated the location of a pot-bank, and a black and sharp outline marked some colliery where they extracted the colorful coal of the area. Closer was the broad stretch of railway, with half-hidden trains moving back and forth—steady puffing and rumbling, with each run creating a ringing impact and a steady series of thuds, accompanied by bursts of white steam across the distant view. To the left, between the railway and the dark mass of the low hill beyond, dominating the entire scene, stood the enormous, inky-black cylinders of the Jeddah Company Blast Furnaces, the central buildings of the large ironworks managed by Horrocks. They loomed heavy and menacing, filled with a constant chaos of flames and bubbling molten iron, while the rolling mills clanged around them, and the steam hammer pounded heavily, sending white iron sparks flying in all directions. Just then, a truckload of fuel was dumped into one of the giants, and red flames burst forth, with a mix of smoke and black dust spiraling upward into the sky.
“Certainly you get some fine effects of colour with your furnaces,” said Raut, breaking a silence that had become apprehensive.
“Definitely, you get some great color effects with your furnaces,” Raut said, breaking a silence that had turned tense.
Horrocks grunted. He stood with his hands in his pockets, frowning down at the dim steaming[186] railway and the busy ironworks beyond, frowning as if he were thinking out some knotty problem.
Horrocks grunted. He stood with his hands in his pockets, frowning down at the dim, steamy[186] railway and the bustling ironworks beyond, frowning as if he were trying to figure out some tricky problem.
Raut glanced at him and away again. “At present your moonlight effect is hardly ripe,” he continued, looking upward; “the moon is still smothered by the vestiges of daylight.”
Raut glanced at him and then looked away. “Right now, your moonlight effect isn't quite perfected,” he said, looking up; “the moon is still hidden by the remnants of daylight.”
Horrocks stared at him with the expression of a man who has suddenly awakened. “Vestiges of daylight?... Of course, of course.” He too looked up at the moon, pale still in the midsummer sky. “Come along,” he said suddenly, and, gripping Raut’s arm in his hand, made a move towards the path that dropped from them to the railway.
Horrocks stared at him with the look of someone who has just woken up. “Leftover daylight?... Of course, of course.” He also looked up at the moon, still pale in the midsummer sky. “Let’s go,” he said abruptly, and gripping Raut’s arm, he headed towards the path that led down to the railway.
Raut hung back. Their eyes met and saw a thousand things in a moment that their lips came near to say. Horrocks’s hand tightened and then relaxed. He let go, and before Raut was aware of it, they were arm in arm, and walking, one unwillingly enough, down the path.
Raut held back. Their eyes locked and recognized countless unspoken thoughts that their lips almost voiced. Horrocks’s grip tightened and then loosened. He released his hold, and before Raut realized it, they were linked arm in arm, walking—one of them hesitantly—down the path.
“You see the fine effect of the railway signals towards Burslem,” said Horrocks, suddenly breaking into loquacity, striding fast and tightening the grip of his elbow the while. “Little green lights and red and white lights, all against the haze. You have an eye for effect, Raut. It’s a fine effect. And look at those furnaces of mine, how they rise upon us as we come down the hill. That to the right is my pet—seventy feet of him. I packed him myself, and he’s boiled away cheerfully with iron in his guts for five long years. I’ve a particular fancy for him. That line of red there—a lovely bit of warm orange you’d call it, Raut—that’s the[187] puddlers’ furnaces, and there, in the hot light, three black figures—did you see the white splash of the steam-hammer then?—that’s the rolling-mills. Come along! Clang, clatter, how it goes rattling across the floor! Sheet tin, Raut,—amazing stuff. Glass mirrors are not in it when that stuff comes from the mill. And, squelch!—there goes the hammer again. Come along!”
“You can see the cool effect of the railway signals near Burslem,” Horrocks said, suddenly chatty, walking quickly and tightening his elbow grip at the same time. “Little green lights and red and white lights, all against the haze. You have an eye for aesthetics, Raut. It’s a great effect. And check out those furnaces of mine, how they rise up as we go down the hill. That one on the right is my favorite—seventy feet tall. I packed it myself, and it’s been happily churning away with iron for five long years. I have a special fondness for it. That line of red over there—a beautiful shade of warm orange, you’d call it, Raut—that’s the[187] puddlers’ furnaces, and look, in the hot light, three dark figures—did you see the white flash of the steam-hammer just now?—that’s the rolling-mills. Come on! Clang, clatter, how it goes rattling across the floor! Sheet tin, Raut—amazing stuff. Glass mirrors can’t compare when that stuff comes out of the mill. And, squelch!—there goes the hammer again. Let’s move!”
He had to stop talking to catch at his breath. His arm twisted into Raut’s with benumbing tightness. He had come striding down the black path towards the railway as though he was possessed. Raut had not spoken a word, had simply hung back against Horrocks’s pull with all his strength.
He had to pause and catch his breath. His arm was tightly intertwined with Raut’s, feeling almost numb. He had marched down the dark path toward the railway as if he were under a spell. Raut hadn’t said anything; he just leaned back against Horrocks’s pull with all his might.
“I say,” he said now, laughing nervously, but with an undernote of snarl in his voice, “why on earth are you nipping my arm off, Horrocks, and dragging me along like this?”
“I say,” he said now, laughing nervously, but with a hint of a snarl in his voice, “why on earth are you biting my arm, Horrocks, and dragging me along like this?”
At length Horrocks released him. His manner changed again. “Nipping your arm off?” he said. “Sorry. But it’s you taught me the trick of walking in that friendly way.”
At last, Horrocks let him go. His attitude shifted once more. “Am I squeezing your arm too hard?” he asked. “Sorry about that. But you’re the one who taught me how to walk in that friendly way.”
“You haven’t learnt the refinements of it yet then,” said Raut, laughing artificially again. “By Jove! I’m black and blue.” Horrocks offered no apology. They stood now near the bottom of the hill, close to the fence that bordered the railway. The ironworks had grown larger and spread out with their approach. They looked up to the blast furnaces now instead of down; the further view of Etruria and Hanley had dropped out of sight with their descent. Before them, by the stile, rose a[188] notice-board, bearing, still dimly visible, the words, “Beware of the trains,” half hidden by splashes of coaly mud.
“You haven’t figured that out yet, have you?” Raut said, laughing awkwardly again. “Wow! I’m covered in bruises.” Horrocks didn’t say sorry. They were now standing near the bottom of the hill, close to the fence by the railway. The ironworks had gotten bigger and spread out as they got closer. They looked up at the blast furnaces now instead of down; the view of Etruria and Hanley had disappeared on their way down. In front of them, by the stile, there was a[188] notice-board, still faintly visible, with the words, “Watch out for the trains,” partially obscured by splashes of muddy coal.
“Fine effects,” said Horrocks, waving his arm. “Here comes a train. The puffs of smoke, the orange glare, the round eye of light in front of it, the melodious rattle. Fine effects! But these furnaces of mine used to be finer, before we shoved cones in their throats, and saved the gas.”
“Great effects,” said Horrocks, waving his arm. “Here comes a train. The puffs of smoke, the orange glow, the round light in front of it, the pleasant rattle. Great effects! But these furnaces of mine used to be better, before we stuffed cones in their throats and conserved the gas.”
“How?” said Raut. “Cones?”
“How?” Raut asked. “Cones?”
“Cones, my man, cones. I’ll show you one nearer. The flames used to flare out of the open throats, great—what is it?—pillars of cloud by day, red and black smoke, and pillars of fire by night. Now we run it off in pipes, and burn it to heat the blast, and the top is shut by a cone. You’ll be interested in that cone.”
“Cones, my friend, cones. I’ll show you one closer. The flames used to burst out of the open openings, huge—what do you call them?—tall columns of cloud during the day, red and black smoke, and columns of fire at night. Now we channel it through pipes and burn it to heat the blast, and the top is covered by a cone. You’ll find that cone interesting.”
“But every now and then,” said Raut, “you get a burst of fire and smoke up there.”
“But every now and then,” said Raut, “you see a burst of fire and smoke up there.”
“The cone’s not fixed, it’s hung by a chain from a lever, and balanced by an equipoise. You shall see it nearer. Else, of course, there’d be no way of getting fuel into the thing. Every now and then the cone dips, and out comes the flare.”
“The cone isn’t fixed; it’s suspended by a chain from a lever and balanced by a counterweight. You’ll see it up close. Otherwise, there would be no way to get fuel into it. Every now and then, the cone dips, and the flare comes out.”
“I see,” said Raut. He looked over his shoulder. “The moon gets brighter,” he said.
“I see,” said Raut. He glanced over his shoulder. “The moon is getting brighter,” he said.
“Come along,” said Horrocks abruptly, gripping his shoulder again, and moving him suddenly towards the railway crossing. And then came one of those swift incidents, vivid, but so rapid that they leave one doubtful and reeling. Halfway across, Horrocks’s hand suddenly clenched upon him like a vice and[189] swung him backward and through a half-turn, so that he looked up the line. And there a chain of lamp-lit carriage-windows telescoped swiftly as it came towards them, and the red and yellow lights of an engine grew larger and larger, rushing down upon them. As he grasped what this meant, he turned his face to Horrocks, and pushed with all his strength against the arm that held him back between the rails. The struggle did not last a moment. Just as certain as it was that Horrocks held him there, so certain was it that he had been violently lugged out of danger.
“Come on,” Horrocks said suddenly, gripping his shoulder again and pulling him towards the railway crossing. Then came one of those quick moments, vivid but so fast that they leave you feeling uncertain and disoriented. Halfway across, Horrocks’s hand suddenly clamped down on him like a vice and swung him backward in a half-turn, so he was looking up the line. A series of lamp-lit carriage windows rushed toward them, and the red and yellow lights of an engine grew larger and larger, barreling down on them. As he realized what this meant, he turned to Horrocks and pushed with all his strength against the arm that was holding him back between the rails. The struggle didn’t last long. Just as it was clear that Horrocks was keeping him there, it was equally clear that he had been violently pulled out of danger.
“Out of the way,” said Horrocks, with a gasp, as the train came rattling by, and they stood panting by the gate into the ironworks.
“Move aside,” said Horrocks, out of breath, as the train clattered past, and they stood catching their breath by the gate to the factory.
“I did not see it coming,” said Raut, still, even in spite of his own apprehensions, trying to keep up an appearance of ordinary intercourse.
“I didn’t see it coming,” said Raut, still trying to maintain a sense of normal conversation despite his own worries.
Horrocks answered with a grunt. “The cone,” he said, and then, as one who recovers himself, “I thought you did not hear.”
Horrocks responded with a grunt. “The cone,” he said, and then, as if regaining his composure, “I thought you didn’t hear.”
“I didn’t,” said Raut.
“I didn’t,” Raut said.
“I wouldn’t have had you run over then for the world,” said Horrocks.
“I wouldn’t have let you get run over back then for anything,” said Horrocks.
“For a moment I lost my nerve,” said Raut.
“For a moment, I lost my nerve,” said Raut.
Horrocks stood for half a minute, then turned abruptly towards the ironworks again. “See how fine these great mounds of mine, these clinker-heaps, look in the night! That truck yonder, up above there! Up it goes, and out-tilts the slag. See the palpitating red stuff go sliding down the slope. As we get nearer, the heap rises up and cuts the blast[190] furnaces. See the quiver up above the big one. Not that way! This way, between the heaps. That goes to the puddling furnaces, but I want to show you the canal first.” He came and took Raut by the elbow, and so they went along side by side. Raut answered Horrocks vaguely. What, he asked himself, had really happened on the line? Was he deluding himself with his own fancies, or had Horrocks actually held him back in the way of the train? Had he just been within an ace of being murdered?
Horrocks stood for thirty seconds, then suddenly turned back towards the ironworks. “Look how impressive these massive piles of mine, these clinker heaps, look at night! That truck over there, up high! Up it goes, and out spills the slag. Watch the shimmering red stuff slide down the slope. As we get closer, the pile rises and blocks the blast[190] furnaces. See that flickering up above the big one. Not that way! This way, between the mounds. That leads to the puddling furnaces, but I want to show you the canal first.” He grabbed Raut by the elbow, and they walked side by side. Raut responded to Horrocks distractedly. What, he wondered, had really happened on the line? Was he just tricking himself with his own thoughts, or did Horrocks actually stop him in front of the train? Had he almost been killed?
Suppose this slouching, scowling monster did know anything? For a minute or two then Raut was really afraid for his life, but the mood passed as he reasoned with himself. After all, Horrocks might have heard nothing. At anyrate, he had pulled him out of the way in time. His odd manner might be due to the mere vague jealousy he had shown once before. He was talking now of the ash-heaps and the canal. “Eigh?” said Horrocks.
Suppose this slouching, scowling monster knew anything? For a minute or two, Raut was genuinely scared for his life, but that feeling passed as he talked himself down. After all, Horrocks might not have heard anything. Anyway, he had gotten him out of the way in time. His weird behavior might just be because of the slight jealousy he had shown before. He was now talking about the ash heaps and the canal. “Eigh?” said Horrocks.
“What?” said Raut. “Rather! The haze in the moonlight. Fine!”
“What?” said Raut. “Absolutely! The mist in the moonlight. Nice!”
“Our canal,” said Horrocks, stopping suddenly. “Our canal by moonlight and firelight is an immense effect. You’ve never seen it? Fancy that! You’ve spent too many of your evenings philandering up in Newcastle there. I tell you, for real florid effects— But you shall see. Boiling water....”
“Our canal,” Horrocks said, stopping abruptly. “Our canal by moonlight and firelight looks incredible. You’ve never seen it? Can you believe that! You’ve wasted too many of your evenings messing around up in Newcastle. I’m telling you, for truly amazing sights— But you will see. Boiling water....”
As they came out of the labyrinth of clinker-heaps and mounds of coal and ore, the noises of the rolling-mill sprang upon them suddenly, loud, near, and distinct. Three shadowy workmen went by and touched their caps to Horrocks. Their faces were[191] vague in the darkness. Raut felt a futile impulse to address them, and before he could frame his words, they passed into the shadows. Horrocks pointed to the canal close before them now: a weird-looking place it seemed, in the blood-red reflections of the furnaces. The hot water that cooled the tuyères came into it, some fifty yards up—a tumultuous, almost boiling affluent, and the steam rose up from the water in silent white wisps and streaks, wrapping damply about them, an incessant succession of ghosts coming up from the black and red eddies, a white uprising that made the head swim. The shining black tower of the larger blast-furnace rose overhead out of the mist, and its tumultuous riot filled their ears. Raut kept away from the edge of the water, and watched Horrocks.
As they emerged from the maze of clinker piles and heaps of coal and ore, the sounds of the rolling mill hit them suddenly, loud, close, and clear. Three shadowy workers walked by and tipped their caps to Horrocks. Their faces were[191] indistinct in the darkness. Raut felt a pointless urge to speak to them, but before he could find the words, they vanished into the shadows. Horrocks pointed to the canal right in front of them now: it looked strange under the blood-red glow of the furnaces. The hot water that cooled the tuyères flowed into it about fifty yards upstream—a turbulent, almost boiling stream, and steam rose silently from the water in delicate white wisps and streaks, wrapping around them, an unending parade of ghosts emerging from the dark and red swirls, a white uprising that made one's head spin. The glossy black tower of the larger blast furnace loomed overhead in the mist, and its chaotic noise filled their ears. Raut stayed away from the water's edge and kept his eyes on Horrocks.
“Here it is red,” said Horrocks, “blood-red vapour as red and hot as sin; but yonder there, where the moonlight falls on it, and it drives across the clinker-heaps, it is as white as death.”
“Here it is red,” said Horrocks, “blood-red vapor as red and hot as sin; but over there, where the moonlight hits it, and it moves across the ash piles, it is as white as death.”
Raut turned his head for a moment, and then came back hastily to his watch on Horrocks. “Come along to the rolling-mills,” said Horrocks. The threatening hold was not so evident that time, and Raut felt a little reassured. But all the same, what on earth did Horrocks mean about “white as death” and “red as sin”? Coincidence, perhaps?
Raut turned his head for a moment, then quickly returned to watching Horrocks. “Come on to the rolling mills,” said Horrocks. The menacing grip wasn’t as obvious this time, and Raut felt a bit more at ease. Still, what did Horrocks mean by “white as death” and “red as sin”? Just a coincidence, maybe?
They went and stood behind the puddlers for a little while, and then through the rolling-mills, where amidst an incessant din the deliberate steam-hammer beat the juice out of the succulent iron, and black, half-naked Titans rushed the plastic bars, like hot[192] sealing-wax, between the wheels. “Come on,” said Horrocks in Raut’s ear, and they went and peeped through the little glass hole behind the tuyères, and saw the tumbled fire writhing in the pit of the blast-furnace. It left one eye blinded for a while. Then, with green and blue patches dancing across the dark, they went to the lift by which the trucks of ore and fuel and lime were raised to the top of the big cylinder.
They stood behind the workers for a little while, then moved through the rolling mills, where the constant noise of the steam hammer pounded the juice out of the juicy iron, and black, half-naked giants hurried the heated bars, like hot sealing wax, between the wheels. “Come on,” Horrocks whispered in Raut’s ear, and they peeked through the small glass hole behind the tuyères, catching a glimpse of the chaotic fire writhing in the blast furnace. It left one eye temporarily blinded. Then, with green and blue spots dancing across the dark, they headed to the lift that raised the trucks of ore, fuel, and lime to the top of the large cylinder.
And out upon the narrow rail that overhung the furnace, Raut’s doubts came upon him again. Was it wise to be here? If Horrocks did know—everything! Do what he would, he could not resist a violent trembling. Right under foot was a sheer depth of seventy feet. It was a dangerous place. They pushed by a truck of fuel to get to the railing that crowned the place. The reek of the furnace, a sulphurous vapour streaked with pungent bitterness, seemed to make the distant hillside of Hanley quiver. The moon was riding out now from among a drift of clouds, half-way up the sky above the undulating wooded outlines of Newcastle. The steaming canal ran away from below them under an indistinct bridge, and vanished into the dim haze of the flat fields towards Burslem.
And out on the narrow rail that hung over the furnace, Raut's doubts hit him again. Was it smart to be here? If Horrocks really knew—everything! No matter what he did, he couldn't stop shaking violently. Right beneath him was a sheer drop of seventy feet. It was a dangerous spot. They moved past a fuel truck to reach the railing that topped the area. The smell of the furnace, a sulfurous vapor mixed with a sharp bitterness, seemed to make the distant hillside of Hanley tremble. The moon was now emerging from a cluster of clouds, halfway up the sky above the rolling wooded shapes of Newcastle. The steaming canal flowed away from below them under a vague bridge and disappeared into the dim haze of the flat fields heading towards Burslem.
“That’s the cone I’ve been telling you of,” shouted Horrocks; “and, below that, sixty feet of fire and molten metal, with the air of the blast frothing through it like gas in soda-water.”
“That's the cone I've been telling you about,” shouted Horrocks; “and below that, sixty feet of fire and molten metal, with the blast air bubbling through it like gas in soda water.”
Raut gripped the hand-rail tightly, and stared down at the cone. The heat was intense. The boiling of the iron and the tumult of the blast made[193] a thunderous accompaniment to Horrocks’s voice. But the thing had to be gone through now. Perhaps, after all....
Raut held onto the handrail tightly and looked down at the cone. The heat was overwhelming. The iron was boiling, and the chaos of the blast created a thunderous backdrop to Horrocks's voice. But this had to be dealt with now. Maybe, after all...
“In the middle,” bawled Horrocks, “temperature near a thousand degrees. If you were dropped into it ... flash into flame like a pinch of gunpowder in a candle. Put your hand out and feel the heat of his breath. Why, even up here I’ve seen the rain-water boiling off the trucks. And that cone there. It’s a damned sight too hot for roasting cakes. The top side of it’s three hundred degrees.”
“In the middle,” shouted Horrocks, “the temperature is nearly a thousand degrees. If you were dropped into it... you’d flash into flame like a bit of gunpowder in a candle. Put your hand out and feel the heat of his breath. Even up here I’ve seen the rainwater boiling off the trucks. And that cone over there? It’s way too hot for roasting cakes. The top side is three hundred degrees.”
“Three hundred degrees!” said Raut.
“Three hundred degrees!” Raut exclaimed.
“Three hundred centigrade, mind!” said Horrocks. “It will boil the blood out of you in no time.”
“Three hundred degrees Celsius, you hear?” said Horrocks. “It'll boil your blood in no time.”
“Eigh?” said Raut, and turned.
"Eigh?" Raut said, turning.
“Boil the blood out of you in.... No, you don’t!”
“Boil the blood out of you in.... No way, you don’t!”
“Let me go!” screamed Raut. “Let go my arm!”
“Let me go!” Raut shouted. “Let go of my arm!”
With one hand he clutched at the hand-rail, then with both. For a moment the two men stood swaying. Then suddenly, with a violent jerk, Horrocks had twisted him from his hold. He clutched at Horrocks and missed, his foot went back into empty air; in mid-air he twisted himself, and then cheek and shoulder and knee struck the hot cone together.
With one hand, he grabbed the handrail, then with both. For a moment, the two men stood swaying. Then suddenly, with a violent jerk, Horrocks had yanked him away from his grip. He reached for Horrocks but missed, and his foot went back into empty air; mid-air, he twisted himself, and then his cheek, shoulder, and knee hit the hot surface all at once.
He clutched the chain by which the cone hung, and the thing sank an infinitesimal amount as he struck it. A circle of glowing red appeared about him, and a tongue of flame, released from the chaos within, flickered up towards him. An intense pain assailed him at the knees, and he could smell the[194] singeing of his hands. He raised himself to his feet, and tried to climb up the chain, and then something struck his head. Black and shining with the moonlight, the throat of the furnace rose about him.
He grabbed the chain that held the cone, and the thing dropped just a tiny bit as he hit it. A circle of glowing red appeared around him, and a flame, unleashed from the chaos inside, flickered up towards him. An intense pain hit him at the knees, and he could smell the[194] burning of his hands. He pushed himself to his feet and tried to climb the chain, but then something struck his head. Black and shining in the moonlight, the throat of the furnace loomed around him.
Horrocks, he saw, stood above him by one of the trucks of fuel on the rail. The gesticulating figure was bright and white in the moonlight, and shouting, “Fizzle, you fool! Fizzle, you hunter of women! You hot-blooded hound! Boil! boil! boil!”
Horrocks, he noticed, was standing above him by one of the fuel trucks on the rail. The animated figure shone bright and white in the moonlight, shouting, “Fizzle, you idiot! Fizzle, you woman chaser! You hot-blooded hound! Boil! boil! boil!”
Suddenly he caught up a handful of coal out of the truck, and flung it deliberately, lump after lump, at Raut.
Suddenly, he grabbed a handful of coal from the truck and threw it purposefully, piece by piece, at Raut.
“Horrocks!” cried Raut. “Horrocks!”
“Horrocks!” shouted Raut. “Horrocks!”
He clung crying to the chain, pulling himself up from the burning of the cone. Each missile Horrocks flung hit him. His clothes charred and glowed, and as he struggled the cone dropped, and a rush of hot suffocating gas whooped out and burned round him in a swift breath of flame.
He clung to the chain, crying, pulling himself up from the burning cone. Every missile Horrocks threw at him hit its mark. His clothes were scorched and glowing, and as he fought to hold on, the cone fell, releasing a wave of hot, suffocating gas that engulfed him in a sudden burst of fire.
His human likeness departed from him. When the momentary red had passed, Horrocks saw a charred, blackened figure, its head streaked with blood, still clutching and fumbling with the chain, and writhing in agony—a cindery animal, an inhuman, monstrous creature that began a sobbing intermittent shriek.
His human form faded away. Once the brief flash of red disappeared, Horrocks saw a burned, blackened figure, its head smeared with blood, still grasping and struggling with the chain, writhing in pain—a charred beast, an inhuman, monstrous creature that started to emit a sobbing, irregular scream.
Abruptly, at the sight, the ironmaster’s anger passed. A deadly sickness came upon him. The heavy odour of burning flesh came drifting up to his nostrils. His sanity returned to him.
Abruptly, at the sight, the ironmaster’s anger faded. A profound sickness overtook him. The intense smell of burning flesh wafted up to his nose. His sanity returned to him.
“God have mercy upon me!” he cried. “O God! what have I done?”
“God, have mercy on me!” he shouted. “Oh God! What have I done?”
He knew the thing below him, save that it still moved and felt, was already a dead man—that the blood of the poor wretch must be boiling in his veins. An intense realisation of that agony came to his mind, and overcame every other feeling. For a moment he stood irresolute, and then, turning to the truck, he hastily tilted its contents upon the struggling thing that had once been a man. The mass fell with a thud, and went radiating over the cone. With the thud the shriek ended, and a boiling confusion of smoke, dust, and flame came rushing up towards him. As it passed, he saw the cone clear again.
He understood that the thing beneath him, even though it was still moving and feeling, was already a dead man—that the blood of the unfortunate soul must be boiling in his veins. An intense awareness of that pain flooded his mind, overpowering all other emotions. For a moment he stood there unsure, and then, turning to the truck, he quickly dumped its contents onto the struggling figure that had once been a man. The mass hit with a thud and spread out over the cone. With the thud, the scream stopped, and a chaotic mix of smoke, dust, and flames surged up toward him. As it passed, he saw the cone become clear again.
Then he staggered back, and stood trembling, clinging to the rail with both hands. His lips moved, but no words came to them.
Then he staggered back and stood shaking, gripping the rail with both hands. His lips moved, but no words came out.
Down below was the sound of voices and running steps. The clangour of rolling in the shed ceased abruptly.
Down below, there were voices and footsteps running. The noise of rolling in the shed suddenly stopped.
THE PURPLE PILEUS
Mr. Coombes was sick of life. He walked away from his unhappy home, and, sick not only of his own existence, but of everybody else’s, turned aside down Gaswork Lane to avoid the town, and, crossing the wooden bridge that goes over the canal to Starling’s Cottages, was presently alone in the damp pinewoods and out of sight and sound of human habitation. He would stand it no longer. He repeated aloud with blasphemies unusual to him that he would stand it no longer.
Mr. Coombes was fed up with life. He left his miserable home and, tired not just of his own existence but also of everyone else's, took a detour down Gaswork Lane to steer clear of the town. After crossing the wooden bridge over the canal to Starling’s Cottages, he soon found himself alone in the damp pinewoods, away from the sight and sound of people. He couldn’t take it any longer. He shouted out, with curses unusual for him, that he wouldn’t stand it any longer.
He was a pale-faced little man, with dark eyes and a fine and very black moustache. He had a very stiff, upright collar slightly frayed, that gave him an illusory double chin, and his overcoat (albeit shabby) was trimmed with astrachan. His gloves were a bright brown with black stripes over the knuckles, and split at the finger ends. His appearance, his wife had said once in the dear, dead days beyond recall,—before he married her, that is,—was military. But now she called him— It seems a dreadful thing to tell of between husband and wife, but she called him “a little grub.” It wasn’t the only thing she had called him, either.
He was a pale-faced little man, with dark eyes and a really nice, very black mustache. He wore a stiff, upright collar that was slightly frayed, which made him look like he had a double chin, and his overcoat (though worn) had astrakhan trim. His gloves were a bright brown with black stripes over the knuckles and were torn at the fingertips. His appearance, his wife had said once in those sweet, unforgettable days before they got married, was military. But now she called him— It seems awful to say this about your husband, but she called him “a little grub.” That wasn’t the only thing she’d called him, either.
The row had arisen about that beastly Jennie again. Jennie was his wife’s friend, and, by no invitation of Mr. Coombes, she came in every blessed Sunday to dinner, and made a shindy all the afternoon. She was a big, noisy girl, with a taste for loud colours and a strident laugh; and this Sunday she had outdone all her previous intrusions by bringing in a fellow with her, a chap as showy as herself. And Mr. Coombes, in a starchy, clean collar and his Sunday frock-coat, had sat dumb and wrathful at his own table, while his wife and her guests talked foolishly and undesirably, and laughed aloud. Well, he stood that, and after dinner (which, “as usual,” was late), what must Miss Jennie do but go to the piano and play banjo tunes, for all the world as if it were a week-day! Flesh and blood could not endure such goings on. They would hear next door, they would hear in the road, it was a public announcement of their disrepute. He had to speak.
The argument had started up about that obnoxious Jennie again. Jennie was his wife's friend, and, whether Mr. Coombes liked it or not, she showed up for dinner every single Sunday, making a racket the whole afternoon. She was a loud, oversized girl who loved bright colors and had a piercing laugh; and this Sunday, she outdid herself by bringing along a guy just as flashy as she was. Mr. Coombes, wearing a stiff, clean collar and his Sunday suit, sat silently fuming at his own table while his wife and her guests chatted nonsense and laughed loudly. He put up with that, but after dinner (which was “as usual” late), what does Miss Jennie do but head to the piano and start playing banjo tunes like it was any regular day! No one could put up with that. They would hear it next door, they would hear it in the street; it was like broadcasting their disgrace. He had to say something.
He had felt himself go pale, and a kind of rigour had affected his respiration as he delivered himself. He had been sitting on one of the chairs by the window—the new guest had taken possession of the arm-chair. He turned his head. “Sun Day!” he said over the collar, in the voice of one who warns. “Sun Day!” What people call a “nasty” tone it was.
He felt himself go pale, and his breathing became a bit shaky as he spoke. He had been sitting in one of the chairs by the window—the new guest had taken the armchair. He turned his head. “Sun Day!” he called out, his voice warning. “Sun Day!” It was what people would call a “nasty” tone.
Jennie had kept on playing, but his wife, who was looking through some music that was piled on the top of the piano, had stared at him. “What’s wrong now?” she said; “can’t people enjoy themselves?”
Jennie kept playing, but his wife, who was sorting through some music stacked on top of the piano, stared at him. “What’s wrong now?” she asked. “Can’t people have a good time?”
“I don’t mind rational ’njoyment, at all,” said little[198] Coombes, “but I ain’t a-going to have week-day tunes playing on a Sunday in this house.”
“I don’t mind rational enjoyment at all,” said little[198] Coombes, “but I’m not going to have weekday tunes playing on a Sunday in this house.”
“What’s wrong with my playing now?” said Jennie, stopping and twirling round on the music-stool with a monstrous rustle of flounces.
“What’s wrong with my playing now?” Jennie asked, stopping and spinning around on the music stool with a huge swish of her skirts.
Coombes saw it was going to be a row, and opened too vigorously, as is common with your timid, nervous men all the world over. “Steady on with that music-stool!” said he; “it ain’t made for ’eavy weights.”
Coombes realized it was going to be a fight and opened too forcefully, like most timid, nervous guys everywhere. “Easy with that music stool!” he said; “it’s not meant for heavyweights.”
“Never you mind about weights,” said Jennie, incensed. “What was you saying behind my back about my playing?”
“Don’t worry about weights,” Jennie said, angry. “What were you saying behind my back about my playing?”
“Surely you don’t ’old with not having a bit of music on a Sunday, Mr. Coombes?” said the new guest, leaning back in the arm-chair, blowing a cloud of cigarette smoke and smiling in a kind of pitying way. And simultaneously his wife said something to Jennie about “Never mind ’im. You go on, Jinny.”
“Surely you don’t believe in not having some music on a Sunday, Mr. Coombes?” said the new guest, leaning back in the armchair, blowing a cloud of cigarette smoke and smiling in a slightly pitying way. At the same time, his wife said something to Jennie about “Never mind him. You go on, Jinny.”
“I do,” said Mr. Coombes, addressing the new guest.
“I do,” said Mr. Coombes, talking to the new guest.
“May I arst why?” said the new guest, evidently enjoying both his cigarette and the prospect of an argument. He was, by the bye, a lank young man, very stylishly dressed in bright drab, with a white cravat and a pearl and silver pin. It had been better taste to come in a black coat, Mr. Coombes thought.
“May I ask why?” said the new guest, clearly enjoying both his cigarette and the chance for a debate. He was, by the way, a tall young man, very stylishly dressed in bright beige, with a white cravat and a pearl and silver pin. It would have been better taste to come in a black coat, Mr. Coombes thought.
“Because,” began Mr. Coombes, “it don’t suit me. I’m a business man. I ’ave to study my connection. Rational ’njoyment”—
“Because,” started Mr. Coombes, “it doesn’t work for me. I’m a businessman. I have to consider my connections. Rational enjoyment—”
“His connection!” said Mrs. Coombes scornfully. “That’s what he’s always a-saying. We got to do this, and we got to do that”—
“His connection!” Mrs. Coombes said with disdain. “That’s what he’s always saying. We have to do this, and we have to do that”—
“If you don’t mean to study my connection,” said Mr. Coombes, “what did you marry me for?”
“If you don’t intend to look into my connections,” said Mr. Coombes, “then why did you marry me?”
“I wonder,” said Jennie, and turned back to the piano.
“I wonder,” Jennie said, turning back to the piano.
“I never saw such a man as you,” said Mrs. Coombes. “You’ve altered all round since we were married. Before”—
“I’ve never seen a man like you,” said Mrs. Coombes. “You've changed so much since we got married. Before—”
Then Jennie began at the tum, tum, tum again.
Then Jennie started with the tum, tum, tum again.
“Look here!” said Mr. Coombes, driven at last to revolt, standing up and raising his voice. “I tell you I won’t have that.” The frock-coat heaved with his indignation.
“Listen up!” said Mr. Coombes, finally pushed to his limit, standing up and raising his voice. “I’m telling you I won’t accept that.” The frock coat bulged with his anger.
“No vi’lence, now,” said the long young man in drab, sitting up.
“No violence now,” said the tall young man in dull clothes, sitting up.
“Who the juice are you?” said Mr. Coombes fiercely.
“Who the hell are you?” said Mr. Coombes fiercely.
Whereupon they all began talking at once. The new guest said he was Jennie’s “intended,” and meant to protect her, and Mr. Coombes said he was welcome to do so anywhere but in his (Mr. Coombes’) house; and Mrs. Coombes said he ought to be ashamed of insulting his guests, and (as I have already mentioned) that he was getting a regular little grub; and the end was, that Mr. Coombes ordered his visitors out of the house, and they wouldn’t go, and so he said he would go himself. With his face burning and tears of excitement in his eyes, he went into the passage, and as he struggled with his overcoat—his frock-coat sleeves got concertinaed up his arm—and gave a brush at his silk hat, Jennie began again at the piano, and strummed him insultingly out of the house. Tum,[200] tum, tum. He slammed the shop door so that the house quivered. That, briefly, was the immediate making of his mood. You will perhaps begin to understand his disgust with existence.
So they all started talking at the same time. The new guest introduced himself as Jennie’s fiancé and insisted he would protect her, while Mr. Coombes said he was welcome to do that anywhere but in his house. Mrs. Coombes chimed in, saying he should be ashamed of insulting his guests and, as I mentioned earlier, that he was turning into quite a nuisance. In the end, Mr. Coombes kicked his visitors out of the house, but they refused to leave, so he declared he would leave instead. With his face flushed and tears of anger in his eyes, he walked into the hallway, and as he struggled with his overcoat—his frock coat sleeves getting all crumpled up his arms—and gave a quick polish to his silk hat, Jennie started playing the piano again, strumming him out of the house in a mocking way. Tum, [200] tum, tum. He slammed the shop door hard, making the house shake. That, in short, was what put him in such a bad mood. You might begin to grasp his disgust with life.
As he walked along the muddy path under the firs,—it was late October, and the ditches and heaps of fir needles were gorgeous with clumps of fungi,—he recapitulated the melancholy history of his marriage. It was brief and commonplace enough. He now perceived with sufficient clearness that his wife had married him out of a natural curiosity and in order to escape from her worrying, laborious, and uncertain life in the workroom; and, like the majority of her class, she was far too stupid to realise that it was her duty to co-operate with him in his business. She was greedy of enjoyment, loquacious, and socially-minded, and evidently disappointed to find the restraints of poverty still hanging about her. His worries exasperated her, and the slightest attempt to control her proceedings resulted in a charge of “grumbling.” Why couldn’t he be nice—as he used to be? And Coombes was such a harmless little man, too, nourished mentally on Self-Help, and with a meagre ambition of self-denial and competition, that was to end in a “sufficiency.” Then Jennie came in as a female Mephistopheles, a gabbling chronicle of “fellers,” and was always wanting his wife to go to theatres, and “all that.” And in addition were aunts of his wife, and cousins (male and female), to eat up capital, insult him personally, upset business arrangements, annoy good customers, and generally blight his life. It was not the first occasion by many that Mr.[201] Coombes had fled his home in wrath and indignation, and something like fear, vowing furiously and even aloud that he wouldn’t stand it, and so frothing away his energy along the line of least resistance. But never before had he been quite so sick of life as on this particular Sunday afternoon. The Sunday dinner may have had its share in his despair—and the greyness of the sky. Perhaps, too, he was beginning to realise his unendurable frustration as a business man as the consequence of his marriage. Presently bankruptcy, and after that— Perhaps she might have reason to repent when it was too late. And destiny, as I have already intimated, had planted the path through the wood with evil-smelling fungi, thickly and variously planted it, not only on the right side, but on the left.
As he walked along the muddy path under the fir trees—it was late October, and the ditches and piles of fir needles were stunning with clusters of fungi—he reflected on the sad history of his marriage. It was simple and ordinary enough. He now clearly saw that his wife had married him out of curiosity and to escape her exhausting, difficult, and uncertain life in the workroom; and, like most women in her position, she was too clueless to realize that it was her responsibility to work with him in his business. She craved enjoyment, loved to talk, and was socially focused, but she was obviously disappointed to find that the constraints of poverty still surrounded her. His worries frustrated her, and even the slightest attempt to guide her actions led to accusations of “grumbling.” Why couldn’t he be nice—like he used to be? And Coombes was such a harmless little man, too, raised on Self-Help, with a meager ambition for self-denial and competition, which was supposed to end in “sufficiency.” Then Jennie came along as a female Mephistopheles, always chattering about “fellers,” and constantly urging his wife to go to theaters, and “all that.” On top of that, there were his wife's aunts and cousins (male and female), who would consume their resources, insult him directly, disrupt business deals, annoy good customers, and generally ruin his life. It was far from the first time Mr.[201] Coombes had stormed out of his home in anger and even fear, swearing loudly that he wouldn’t put up with it anymore, exhausting himself along the path of least resistance. But never before had he felt so sick of life as he did on this particular Sunday afternoon. The Sunday dinner might have contributed to his despair—and the grayness of the sky. Perhaps, too, he was starting to see his unbearable frustration as a businessman as a result of his marriage. Bankruptcy was looming, and after that—maybe she would have reasons to regret it when it was too late. And fate, as I’ve already hinted, had littered the path through the woods with foul-smelling fungi, densely and variously planted, not just on one side, but on the other as well.
A small shopman is in such a melancholy position, if his wife turns out a disloyal partner. His capital is all tied up in his business, and to leave her, means to join the unemployed in some strange part of the earth. The luxuries of divorce are beyond him altogether. So that the good old tradition of marriage for better or worse holds inexorably for him, and things work up to tragic culminations. Bricklayers kick their wives to death, and dukes betray theirs; but it is among the small clerks and shopkeepers nowadays that it comes most often to a cutting of throats. Under the circumstances it is not so very remarkable—and you must take it as charitably as you can—that the mind of Mr. Coombes ran for a while on some such glorious close to his disappointed hopes, and that he thought[202] of razors, pistols, bread-knives, and touching letters to the coroner denouncing his enemies by name, and praying piously for forgiveness. After a time his fierceness gave way to melancholia. He had been married in this very overcoat, in his first and only frock-coat that was buttoned up beneath it. He began to recall their courting along this very walk, his years of penurious saving to get capital, and the bright hopefulness of his marrying days. For it all to work out like this! Was there no sympathetic ruler anywhere in the world? He reverted to death as a topic.
A small shopkeeper is in a really sad situation if his wife turns out to be unfaithful. All his money is tied up in the business, and leaving her means he would have to join the unemployed in some unfamiliar place. The luxuries of divorce are completely out of reach for him. So, the old tradition of marriage for better or worse feels inescapable, and things often end tragically. While bricklayers might kill their wives and dukes betray theirs, it’s the small clerks and shopkeepers who most often resort to violence. Given the circumstances, it's not surprising—and you have to understand it as compassionately as possible—that Mr. Coombes’s mind wandered to thoughts of a dramatic end to his crushed dreams. He considered razors, guns, bread knives, and writing letters to the coroner naming his enemies and seeking forgiveness. Eventually, his anger shifted to deep sadness. He had been married in this very overcoat, along with his only frock coat buttoned beneath it. He started to remember their courtship along this same path, his years of tight saving to build capital, and the bright optimism of his marrying days. For it all to turn out like this! Was there no kind ruler anywhere in the world? He shifted back to thinking about death as a subject.
He thought of the canal he had just crossed, and doubted whether he shouldn’t stand with his head out, even in the middle, and it was while drowning was in his mind that the purple pileus caught his eye. He looked at it mechanically for a moment, and stopped and stooped towards it to pick it up, under the impression that it was some such small leather object as a purse. Then he saw that it was the purple top of a fungus, a peculiarly poisonous-looking purple: slimy, shiny, and emitting a sour odour. He hesitated with his hand an inch or so from it, and the thought of poison crossed his mind. With that he picked the thing, and stood up again with it in his hand.
He thought about the canal he had just crossed and wondered if he should stick his head out, even in the middle, and it was while thoughts of drowning filled his mind that the purple cap caught his eye. He looked at it absentmindedly for a moment, then stopped and bent down to pick it up, thinking it was some small leather item like a purse. Then he realized it was the purple top of a fungus, a strangely poisonous-looking shade of purple: slimy, shiny, and giving off a sour smell. He hesitated, his hand just an inch away from it, and the idea of it being poisonous crossed his mind. With that thought, he picked it up and stood back up, holding it in his hand.
The odour was certainly strong—acrid, but by no means disgusting. He broke off a piece, and the fresh surface was a creamy white, that changed like magic in the space of ten seconds to a yellowish-green colour. It was even an inviting-looking change. He broke off two other pieces to see it repeated.[203] They were wonderful things these fungi, thought Mr. Coombes, and all of them the deadliest poisons, as his father had often told him. Deadly poisons!
The smell was definitely strong—sharp, but not exactly off-putting. He snapped off a piece, and the fresh surface was a creamy white that magically turned a yellowish-green in just ten seconds. It was actually a pretty appealing change. He broke off two other pieces to watch it happen again.[203] They were amazing these fungi, Mr. Coombes thought, even though all of them were the most lethal poisons, as his dad had often warned him. Lethal poisons!
There is no time like the present for a rash resolve. Why not here and now? thought Mr. Coombes. He tasted a little piece, a very little piece indeed—a mere crumb. It was so pungent that he almost spat it out again, then merely hot and full-flavoured. A kind of German mustard with a touch of horse-radish and—well, mushroom. He swallowed it in the excitement of the moment. Did he like it or did he not? His mind was curiously careless. He would try another bit. It really wasn’t bad—it was good. He forgot his troubles in the interest of the immediate moment. Playing with death it was. He took another bite, and then deliberately finished a mouthful. A curious tingling sensation began in his finger-tips and toes. His pulse began to move faster. The blood in his ears sounded like a mill-race. “Try bi’ more,” said Mr. Coombes. He turned and looked about him, and found his feet unsteady. He saw and struggled towards a little patch of purple a dozen yards away. “Jol’ goo’ stuff,” said Mr. Coombes. “E—lomore ye’.” He pitched forward and fell on his face, his hands outstretched towards the cluster of pilei. But he did not eat any more of them. He forgot forthwith.
There's no time like now for a hasty decision. Why not here and now? thought Mr. Coombes. He tasted a small piece, just a tiny bit—a mere crumb. It was so intense that he almost spit it out again, then it turned merely hot and full-flavored. It was a kind of German mustard with a hint of horseradish and—well, mushroom. He swallowed it, caught up in the excitement of the moment. Did he like it or not? His mind was strangely indifferent. He decided to try another piece. It really wasn’t bad—it was good. He forgot his worries in the thrill of the moment. It felt like playing with fire. He took another bite, then decided to finish a mouthful. A strange tingling sensation started in his fingertips and toes. His pulse began to race. The blood in his ears sounded like rushing water. “Try a bit more,” said Mr. Coombes. He turned and looked around, realizing his feet were unsteady. He saw and struggled toward a little patch of purple about a dozen yards away. “Jolly good stuff,” said Mr. Coombes. “E—lomore ye’.” He pitched forward and fell on his face, his hands stretched out toward the cluster of mushrooms. But he didn’t eat any more of them. He forgot right away.
He rolled over and sat up with a look of astonishment on his face. His carefully brushed silk hat had rolled away towards the ditch. He pressed his hand to his brow. Something had happened, but he could not rightly determine what it was. Anyhow, he was[204] no longer dull—he felt bright, cheerful. And his throat was afire. He laughed in the sudden gaiety of his heart. Had he been dull? He did not know; but at anyrate he would be dull no longer. He got up and stood unsteadily, regarding the universe with an agreeable smile. He began to remember. He could not remember very well, because of a steam roundabout that was beginning in his head. And he knew he had been disagreeable at home, just because they wanted to be happy. They were quite right; life should be as gay as possible. He would go home and make it up, and reassure them. And why not take some of this delightful toadstool with him, for them to eat? A hatful, no less. Some of those red ones with white spots as well, and a few yellow. He had been a dull dog, an enemy to merriment; he would make up for it. It would be gay to turn his coat-sleeves inside out, and stick some yellow gorse into his waistcoat pockets. Then home—singing—for a jolly evening.
He rolled over and sat up, looking astonished. His neatly brushed silk hat had rolled away towards the ditch. He pressed his hand to his forehead. Something had happened, but he couldn't quite figure out what it was. Anyway, he was[204] no longer feeling dull—he felt bright and cheerful. But his throat was on fire. He laughed at the sudden joy in his heart. Had he really been dull? He didn't know; but at any rate, he wouldn't be dull anymore. He got up and stood unsteadily, looking at the universe with a pleasant smile. He started to remember. He couldn't recall very well because of a fuzzy feeling in his head. And he realized he had been unpleasant at home just because they wanted to be happy. They were completely right; life should be as joyful as possible. He would go home and make amends, and reassure them. And why not bring some of these delightful mushrooms with him for them to eat? A hatful, no less. Some of those red ones with white spots too, and a few yellow ones. He had been a dull person, an enemy to fun; he would make up for it. It would be amusing to turn his coat sleeves inside out and stick some yellow gorse in his waistcoat pockets. Then home—singing—for a fun evening.
After the departure of Mr. Coombes, Jennie discontinued playing, and turned round on the music-stool again. “What a fuss about nothing,” said Jennie.
After Mr. Coombes left, Jennie stopped playing and turned around on the music stool again. “What a fuss about nothing,” Jennie said.
“You see, Mr. Clarence, what I’ve got to put up with,” said Mrs. Coombes.
“You see, Mr. Clarence, what I have to deal with,” said Mrs. Coombes.
“He is a bit hasty,” said Mr. Clarence judicially.
“He's a little too quick to act,” said Mr. Clarence judiciously.
“He ain’t got the slightest sense of our position,” said Mrs. Coombes; “that’s what I complain of. He cares for nothing but his old shop; and if I have a bit of company, or buy anything to keep myself decent,[205] or get any little thing I want out of the housekeeping money, there’s disagreeables. ‘Economy,’ he says; ‘struggle for life,’ and all that. He lies awake of nights about it, worrying how he can screw me out of a shilling. He wanted us to eat Dorset butter once. If once I was to give in to him—there!”
“He doesn’t have the slightest idea of where we stand,” said Mrs. Coombes. “That’s what I’m complaining about. He cares for nothing but his old shop. If I have a guest over, or buy anything to look presentable, [205] or try to get something I want from the household budget, it always leads to conflict. ‘Economy,’ he says; ‘struggle for life,’ and all that. He lies awake at night worrying about how he can squeeze me out of a penny. He even wanted us to eat Dorset butter once. If I ever give in to him—there!”
“Of course,” said Jennie.
“Sure,” said Jennie.
“If a man values a woman,” said Mr. Clarence lounging back in the arm-chair, “he must be prepared to make sacrifices for her. For my own part,” said Mr. Clarence, with his eye on Jennie, “I shouldn’t think of marrying till I was in a position to do the thing in style. It’s downright selfishness. A man ought to go through the rough-and-tumble by himself, and not drag her”—
“If a guy values a woman,” said Mr. Clarence, lounging back in the armchair, “he has to be ready to make sacrifices for her. For me,” Mr. Clarence said, keeping an eye on Jennie, “I wouldn’t even think about getting married until I could do it right. It’s just plain selfish. A guy should handle the tough stuff on his own and not pull her into it—”
“I don’t agree altogether with that,” said Jennie. “I don’t see why a man shouldn’t have a woman’s help, provided he doesn’t treat her meanly, you know. It’s meanness”—
“I don’t completely agree with that,” Jennie said. “I don’t see why a man shouldn’t have a woman’s help, as long as he treats her well, you know. It’s treating her poorly—”
“You wouldn’t believe,” said Mrs. Coombes. “But I was a fool to ’ave ’im. I might ’ave known. If it ’adn’t been for my father, we shouldn’t have had not a carriage to our wedding.”
“You wouldn’t believe,” said Mrs. Coombes. “But I was a fool to have him. I should have known. If it hadn’t been for my father, we wouldn’t have had a carriage to our wedding.”
“Lord! he didn’t stick out at that?” said Mr. Clarence, quite shocked.
“Wow! He really didn’t stand out at all?” said Mr. Clarence, clearly shocked.
“Said he wanted the money for his stock, or some such rubbish. Why, he wouldn’t have a woman in to help me once a week if it wasn’t for my standing out plucky. And the fusses he makes about money—comes to me, well, pretty near crying, with sheets of paper and figgers. ‘If only we can tide over this year,’ he says, ‘the business is bound to go.’ ‘If only[206] we can tide over this year,’ I says; ‘then it’ll be, if only we can tide over next year. I know you,’ I says. ‘And you don’t catch me screwing myself lean and ugly. Why didn’t you marry a slavey?’ I says, ‘if you wanted one—instead of a respectable girl,’ I says.”
“Anyone would think he wanted the money for his stocks or some nonsense like that. Honestly, he wouldn’t even hire a woman to help me out once a week if I wasn’t so tough. And the way he talks about money—he comes to me, almost in tears, with sheets of paper and numbers. ‘If only we can get through this year,’ he says, ‘the business is sure to take off.’ ‘If only we can get through this year,’ I say; ‘then it’ll be, if only we can get through next year. I know you,’ I tell him. ‘And you won’t catch me making myself thin and ugly. Why didn’t you marry a maid?’ I say, ‘if that’s what you wanted—rather than a respectable girl,’ I say.”
So Mrs. Coombes. But we will not follow this unedifying conversation further. Suffice it that Mr. Coombes was very satisfactorily disposed of, and they had a snug little time round the fire. Then Mrs. Coombes went to get the tea, and Jennie sat coquettishly on the arm of Mr. Clarence’s chair until the tea-things clattered outside. “What was that I heard?” asked Mrs. Coombes playfully, as she entered, and there was badinage about kissing. They were just sitting down to the little circular table when the first intimation of Mr. Coombes’ return was heard.
So, Mrs. Coombes. But we won't continue with this awkward conversation. It's enough to say that Mr. Coombes was taken care of quite well, and they enjoyed a cozy time by the fire. Then Mrs. Coombes went to prepare the tea, and Jennie playfully perched on the arm of Mr. Clarence’s chair until the tea things clattered outside. “What was that I heard?” Mrs. Coombes asked teasingly as she came in, and there was some playful banter about kissing. They were just about to sit down at the small round table when they heard the first sign of Mr. Coombes’ return.
This was a fumbling at the latch of the front door.
This was a clumsy attempt to open the front door.
“’Ere’s my lord,” said Mrs. Coombes. “Went out like a lion and comes back like a lamb, I’ll lay.”
“Here’s my lord,” said Mrs. Coombes. “Went out like a lion and comes back like a lamb, I’ll bet.”
Something fell over in the shop: a chair, it sounded like. Then there was a sound as of some complicated step exercise in the passage. Then the door opened and Coombes appeared. But it was Coombes transfigured. The immaculate collar had been torn carelessly from his throat. His carefully-brushed silk hat, half-full of a crush of fungi, was under one arm; his coat was inside out, and his waistcoat adorned with bunches of yellow-blossomed furze. These little eccentricities of Sunday costume, however, were quite overshadowed by the change in his face; it was livid[207] white, his eyes were unnaturally large and bright, and his pale blue lips were drawn back in a cheerless grin. “Merry!” he said. He had stopped dancing to open the door. “Rational ’njoyment. Dance.” He made three fantastic steps into the room, and stood bowing.
Something fell over in the shop: it sounded like a chair. Then there was a noise from the hallway, like some complex step workout. The door opened, and Coombes showed up. But it was a transformed Coombes. His pristine collar had been carelessly torn from his neck. His neatly brushed silk hat, half-full of a crush of mushrooms, was tucked under one arm; his coat was inside out, and his waistcoat was covered in bunches of yellow flowers. These quirky details of his Sunday outfit, however, were completely overshadowed by the change in his face; it was a sickly white, his eyes were unnaturally large and bright, and his pale blue lips were pulled back in a grim smile. “Merry!” he said. He had stopped dancing to open the door. “Rational enjoyment. Dance.” He made three bizarre steps into the room and stood bowing.
“Jim!” shrieked Mrs. Coombes, and Mr. Clarence sat petrified, with a dropping lower jaw.
“Jim!” shouted Mrs. Coombes, and Mr. Clarence sat frozen, with his mouth hanging open.
“Tea,” said Mr. Coombes. “Jol’ thing, tea. Tose-stools, too. Brosher.”
“Tea,” said Mr. Coombes. “You know, tea. And toasts, too. Brother.”
“He’s drunk,” said Jennie in a weak voice. Never before had she seen this intense pallor in a drunken man, or such shining, dilated eyes.
“His drunk,” Jennie said softly. She had never seen such an intense paleness in a drunk man, or eyes that were so shiny and wide.
Mr. Coombes held out a handful of scarlet agaric to Mr. Clarence. “Jo’ stuff,” said he; “ta’ some.”
Mr. Coombes offered a handful of red mushrooms to Mr. Clarence. “Here’s some,” he said; “take it.”
At that moment he was genial. Then at the sight of their startled faces he changed, with the swift transition of insanity, into overbearing fury. And it seemed as if he had suddenly recalled the quarrel of his departure. In such a huge voice as Mrs. Coombes had never heard before, he shouted, “My house. I’m master ’ere. Eat what I give yer!” He bawled this, as it seemed, without an effort, without a violent gesture, standing there as motionless as one who whispers, holding out a handful of fungus.
At that moment, he was in a good mood. But when he saw their shocked faces, he shifted, like a switch flipping, into a harsh rage. It felt like he had suddenly remembered the fight from when he left. With a loudness Mrs. Coombes had never heard before, he yelled, “This is my house. I’m in charge here. Eat what I give you!” He shouted this, seemingly effortlessly, without making any wild gestures, standing there as still as someone who whispers while offering a handful of mushrooms.
Clarence approved himself a coward. He could not meet the mad fury in Coombes’ eyes; he rose to his feet, pushing back his chair, and turned, stooping. At that Coombes rushed at him. Jennie saw her opportunity, and, with the ghost of a shriek, made for the door. Mrs. Coombes followed her. Clarence tried to dodge. Over went the tea-table with a smash[208] as Coombes clutched him by the collar and tried to thrust the fungus into his mouth. Clarence was content to leave his collar behind him, and shot out into the passage with red patches of fly agaric still adherent to his face. “Shut ’im in!” cried Mrs. Coombes, and would have closed the door, but her supports deserted her; Jennie saw the shop door open, and vanished thereby, locking it behind her, while Clarence went on hastily into the kitchen. Mr. Coombes came heavily against the door, and Mrs. Coombes, finding the key was inside, fled upstairs and locked herself in the spare bedroom.
Clarence recognized he was a coward. He couldn't face the wild anger in Coombes' eyes; he stood up, pushed back his chair, and turned, bending over. At that moment, Coombes charged at him. Jennie saw her chance and, with a barely audible scream, bolted for the door. Mrs. Coombes followed her. Clarence tried to dodge. The tea table crashed to the ground as Coombes grabbed him by the collar and attempted to force the fungus into his mouth. Clarence was willing to leave his collar behind and dashed into the hallway with red spots of fly agaric still stuck to his face. “Shut him in!” shouted Mrs. Coombes, and would have closed the door, but her strength failed her; Jennie noticed the shop door was open and slipped out, locking it behind her while Clarence hurried into the kitchen. Mr. Coombes slammed against the door, and Mrs. Coombes, realizing the key was inside, dashed upstairs and locked herself in the spare bedroom.
So the new convert to joie de vivre emerged upon the passage, his decorations a little scattered, but that respectable hatful of fungi still under his arm. He hesitated at the three ways, and decided on the kitchen. Whereupon Clarence, who was fumbling with the key, gave up the attempt to imprison his host, and fled into the scullery, only to be captured before he could open the door into the yard. Mr. Clarence is singularly reticent of the details of what occurred. It seems that Mr. Coombes’ transitory irritation had vanished again, and he was once more a genial playfellow. And as there were knives and meat choppers about, Clarence very generously resolved to humour him and so avoid anything tragic. It is beyond dispute that Mr. Coombes played with Mr. Clarence to his heart’s content; they could not have been more playful and familiar if they had known each other for years. He insisted gaily on Clarence trying the fungi, and after a friendly tussle, was smitten with remorse at the mess he was making[209] of his guest’s face. It also appears that Clarence was dragged under the sink and his face scrubbed with the blacking brush,—he being still resolved to humour the lunatic at any cost,—and that finally, in a somewhat dishevelled, chipped, and discoloured condition, he was assisted to his coat and shown out by the back door, the shopway being barred by Jennie. Mr. Coombes’ wandering thoughts then turned to Jennie. Jennie had been unable to unfasten the shop door, but she shot the bolts against Mr. Coombes’ latch-key, and remained in possession of the shop for the rest of the evening.
So the new fan of joie de vivre came out into the hallway, his decorations a bit messy, but that respectable handful of mushrooms still under his arm. He paused at the three paths and chose the kitchen. Meanwhile, Clarence, who was struggling with the key, gave up trying to lock in his host and bolted into the scullery, only to be caught before he could open the door to the yard. Mr. Clarence is quite tight-lipped about the details of what happened. It seems that Mr. Coombes' brief irritation had faded, and he was once again a cheerful playmate. Since there were knives and meat choppers around, Clarence generously decided to go along with him to avoid any drama. It's clear that Mr. Coombes had a great time playing with Mr. Clarence; they couldn’t have been more playful and friendly if they had been friends for years. He cheerfully insisted that Clarence try the mushrooms, and after a playful struggle, he felt guilty about the mess he was making[209] of his guest’s face. It also seems that Clarence ended up under the sink with his face scrubbed by the blacking brush—he was still determined to humor the eccentric at any cost—and that finally, in a somewhat messy, chipped, and discolored state, he was helped into his coat and shown out the back door, as the front entrance was blocked by Jennie. Mr. Coombes then started thinking about Jennie. Jennie had been unable to unlock the shop door, but she bolted it against Mr. Coombes' latch-key and stayed in the shop for the rest of the evening.
It would appear that Mr. Coombes then returned to the kitchen, still in pursuit of gaiety, and, albeit a strict Good Templar, drank (or spilt down the front of the first and only frock-coat) no less than five bottles of the stout Mrs. Coombes insisted upon having for her health’s sake. He made cheerful noises by breaking off the necks of the bottles with several of his wife’s wedding-present dinner-plates, and during the earlier part of this great drunk he sang divers merry ballads. He cut his finger rather badly with one of the bottles,—the only bloodshed in this story,—and what with that, and the systematic convulsion of his inexperienced physiology by the liquorish brand of Mrs. Coombes’ stout, it may be the evil of the fungus poison was somehow allayed. But we prefer to draw a veil over the concluding incidents of this Sunday afternoon. They ended in the coal cellar, in a deep and healing sleep.
It seems Mr. Coombes then went back to the kitchen, still trying to have a good time, and, even though he was a strict Good Templar, drank (or spilled down the front of his only frock coat) no less than five bottles of the stout that Mrs. Coombes insisted he have for her health. He made cheerful sounds by breaking off the necks of the bottles with several of his wife’s wedding-present dinner plates and, during the earlier part of this wild drinking spree, sang various upbeat ballads. He cut his finger pretty badly with one of the bottles—this was the only instance of bloodshed in this story—and with that, and the systematic shaking up of his inexperienced body from the strong brew of Mrs. Coombes’ stout, it might be that the harm from the mushroom poison was somehow minimized. But we prefer to gloss over the final events of this Sunday afternoon. They wrapped up in the coal cellar, in a deep and restorative sleep.
An interval of five years elapsed. Again it was a[210] Sunday afternoon in October, and again Mr. Coombes walked through the pinewood beyond the canal. He was still the same dark-eyed, black-moustached little man that he was at the outset of the story, but his double chin was now scarcely so illusory as it had been. His overcoat was new, with a velvet lapel, and a stylish collar with turn-down corners, free of any coarse starchiness, had replaced the original all-round article. His hat was glossy, his gloves newish—though one finger had split and been carefully mended. And a casual observer would have noticed about him a certain rectitude of bearing, a certain erectness of head that marks the man who thinks well of himself. He was a master now, with three assistants. Beside him walked a larger sunburnt parody of himself, his brother Tom, just back from Australia. They were recapitulating their early struggles, and Mr. Coombes had just been making a financial statement.
An interval of five years passed. It was again a[210] Sunday afternoon in October, and once more Mr. Coombes walked through the pine woods beyond the canal. He was still the same dark-eyed, black-moustached little man he was at the beginning of the story, but his double chin was now less deceptive than it had been. His overcoat was new, with a velvet lapel, and a stylish collar with folded-down corners, free of any rough starchiness, had replaced the original all-round version. His hat was shiny, his gloves relatively new—though one finger had split and been carefully repaired. A casual observer would have noticed a certain uprightness in his posture, a certain straightness of head that indicates a man who thinks well of himself. He was now a master, with three assistants. Beside him walked a larger sunburnt version of himself, his brother Tom, just back from Australia. They were recalling their early struggles, and Mr. Coombes had just been making a financial statement.
“It’s a very nice little business, Jim,” said brother Tom. “In these days of competition you’re jolly lucky to have worked it up so. And you’re jolly lucky, too, to have a wife who’s willing to help like yours does.”
“It’s a really nice little business, Jim,” said brother Tom. “These days, with all the competition, you’re lucky to have built it up like this. And you’re also lucky to have a wife who’s willing to help out like yours does.”
“Between ourselves,” said Mr. Coombes, “it wasn’t always so. It wasn’t always like this. To begin with, the missus was a bit giddy. Girls are funny creatures.”
“Between you and me,” said Mr. Coombes, “it wasn’t always this way. It used to be different. At first, my wife was a bit scatterbrained. Women can be so unpredictable.”
“Dear me!”
“Oh wow!”
“Yes. You’d hardly think it, but she was downright extravagant, and always having slaps at me. I was a bit too easy and loving, and all that, and she[211] thought the whole blessed show was run for her. Turned the ’ouse into a regular caravansery, always having her relations and girls from business in, and their chaps. Comic songs a’ Sunday, it was getting to, and driving trade away. And she was making eyes at the chaps, too! I tell you, Tom, the place wasn’t my own.”
“Yes. You’d hardly believe it, but she was really extravagant and always taking shots at me. I was a bit too easygoing and loving, and she[211] thought the whole place was just for her. Turned the house into a total boarding house, always having her relatives and girls from work over, along with their guys. Comic songs on Sunday, it was getting out of hand, and driving business away. And she was flirting with the guys, too! I’m telling you, Tom, the place didn’t feel like mine anymore.”
“Shouldn’t ’a’ thought it.”
"Shouldn't have thought that."
“It was so. Well—I reasoned with her. I said, ‘I ain’t a duke, to keep a wife like a pet animal. I married you for ’elp and company.’ I said, ‘You got to ’elp and pull the business through.’ She wouldn’t ’ear of it. ‘Very well,’ I says; ‘I’m a mild man till I’m roused,’ I says, ‘and it’s getting to that.’ But she wouldn’t ’ear of no warnings.”
“It was true. Well—I talked to her. I said, ‘I’m not a duke, to keep a wife like a pet. I married you for help and company.’ I said, ‘You have to help and get the business through.’ She wouldn’t listen. ‘Fine,’ I said; ‘I’m a calm man until I’m pushed,’ I said, ‘and it’s getting to that.’ But she wouldn’t listen to any warnings.”
“Well?”
"What's up?"
“It’s the way with women. She didn’t think I ’ad it in me to be roused. Women of her sort (between ourselves, Tom) don’t respect a man until they’re a bit afraid of him. So I just broke out to show her. In comes a girl named Jennie, that used to work with her, and her chap. We ’ad a bit of a row, and I came out ’ere—it was just such another day as this—and I thought it all out. Then I went back and pitched into them.”
“It’s how women are. She didn’t think I had it in me to get fired up. Women like her (just between us, Tom) don’t respect a man until they’re a little scared of him. So I just lost it to show her. In walks a girl named Jennie, who used to work with her, and her boyfriend. We had a bit of a fight, and I came out here—it was exactly like today—and thought it all through. Then I went back and went at them.”
“You did?”
"Did you?"
“I did. I was mad, I can tell you. I wasn’t going to ’it ’er, if I could ’elp it, so I went back and licked into this chap, just to show ’er what I could do. ’E was a big chap, too. Well, I chucked him, and smashed things about, and gave ’er a scaring, and she ran up and locked ’erself into the spare room.”
“I did. I was really angry, let me tell you. I wasn’t going to hit her if I could help it, so I went back and took it out on this guy, just to show her what I was capable of. He was a big guy, too. Well, I threw him around, broke some things, and scared her, and she ran up and locked herself in the spare room.”
“Well?”
"So?"
“That’s all. I says to ’er the next morning, ‘Now you know,’ I says, ‘what I’m like when I’m roused.’ And I didn’t ’ave to say anything more.”
"That’s it. I told her the next morning, ‘Now you know,’ I said, ‘what I'm like when I'm upset.’ And I didn’t have to say anything more."
“And you’ve been happy ever after, eh?”
“And you’ve been happy ever since, huh?”
“So to speak. There’s nothing like putting your foot down with them. If it ’adn’t been for that afternoon I should ’a’ been tramping the roads now, and she’d ’a’ been grumbling at me, and all her family grumbling for bringing her to poverty—I know their little ways. But we’re all right now. And it’s a very decent little business, as you say.”
“So to speak. There’s nothing like standing your ground with them. If it hadn’t been for that afternoon, I would have been wandering the roads now, and she would have been complaining about me, and her whole family would have been grumbling for bringing her to poverty—I know their habits. But we’re all good now. And it’s a pretty decent little business, as you say.”
They proceed on their way meditatively. “Women are funny creatures,” said brother Tom.
They continue on their way, deep in thought. "Women are strange creatures," said brother Tom.
“They want a firm hand,” says Coombes.
“They want strong leadership,” says Coombes.
“What a lot of these funguses there are about here!” remarked brother Tom presently. “I can’t see what use they are in the world.”
“What a lot of these mushrooms there are around here!” brother Tom said after a moment. “I can’t see what good they are in the world.”
Mr. Coombes looked. “I dessay they’re sent for some wise purpose,” said Mr. Coombes.
Mr. Coombes looked. “I bet they're here for some important reason,” said Mr. Coombes.
And that was as much thanks as the purple pileus ever got for maddening this absurd little man to the pitch of decisive action, and so altering the whole course of his life.
And that was all the thanks the purple mushroom ever got for driving this ridiculous little man to take decisive action, completely changing the course of his life.
THE JILTING OF JANE
As I sit writing in my study, I can hear our Jane bumping her way downstairs with a brush and dustpan. She used in the old days to sing hymn tunes, or the British national song for the time being, to these instruments, but latterly she has been silent and even careful over her work. Time was when I prayed with fervour for such silence, and my wife with sighs for such care, but now they have come we are not so glad as we might have anticipated we should be. Indeed, I would rejoice secretly, though it may be unmanly weakness to admit it, even to hear Jane sing “Daisy,” or by the fracture of any plate but one of Euphemia’s best green ones, to learn that the period of brooding has come to an end.
As I sit writing in my study, I can hear Jane clattering her way downstairs with a brush and dustpan. She used to sing hymn tunes or the national anthem of the time while using these tools, but lately, she’s been quiet and careful with her work. I used to fervently wish for this silence, and my wife sighed for this carefulness, but now that they’re here, we’re not as happy as we thought we’d be. In fact, I would secretly feel joy—even if it may seem unmanly to admit it—if I could hear Jane sing “Daisy” again, or if just one of Euphemia’s best green plates broke, to know that the period of brooding has finally ended.
Yet how we longed to hear the last of Jane’s young man before we heard the last of him! Jane was always very free with her conversation to my wife, and discoursed admirably in the kitchen on a variety of topics—so well, indeed, that I sometimes left my study door open—our house is a small one—to partake of it. But after William came, it was always William, nothing but William; William this and William that; and when we thought William was[214] worked out and exhausted altogether, then William all over again. The engagement lasted altogether three years; yet how she got introduced to William, and so became thus saturated with him, was always a secret. For my part, I believe it was at the street corner where the Rev. Barnabas Baux used to hold an open-air service after evensong on Sundays. Young Cupids were wont to flit like moths round the paraffin flare of that centre of High Church hymn-singing. I fancy she stood singing hymns there, out of memory and her imagination, instead of coming home to get supper, and William came up beside her and said, “Hello!” “Hello yourself!” she said; and, etiquette being satisfied, they proceeded to talk together.
Yet how we longed to hear the last of Jane’s boyfriend before we heard the last of him! Jane was always very open with her conversations with my wife, and she talked wonderfully in the kitchen about a variety of topics—so well, in fact, that I sometimes left my study door open—our house is small—to join in. But after William came, it was always William, nothing but William; William this and William that; and when we thought we had heard enough about William and he was totally worn out, then it was William all over again. The engagement lasted a total of three years; yet how she got introduced to William, and so became completely obsessed with him, was always a mystery. Personally, I believe it was at the street corner where Rev. Barnabas Baux used to hold an open-air service after evensong on Sundays. Young lovers used to flutter around the paraffin light of that hub of High Church hymn-singing. I imagine she stood there singing hymns from memory and her imagination instead of coming home to make dinner, when William approached her and said, “Hello!” “Hello, yourself!” she replied; and with etiquette established, they began to chat.
As Euphemia has a reprehensible way of letting her servants talk to her, she soon heard of him. “He is such a respectable young man, ma’am,” said Jane, “you don’t know.” Ignoring the slur cast on her acquaintance, my wife inquired further about this William.
As Euphemia has a pretty bad habit of letting her servants speak to her freely, she quickly heard about him. “He’s such a respectable young man, ma’am,” said Jane, “you have no idea.” Overlooking the insult aimed at her acquaintance, my wife asked more questions about this William.
“He is second porter at Maynard’s, the draper’s,” said Jane, “and gets eighteen shillings—nearly a pound—a week, m’m; and when the head porter leaves he will be head porter. His relatives are quite superior people, m’m. Not labouring people at all. His father was a greengrosher, m’m, and had a chumor, and he was bankrup’ twice. And one of his sisters is in a Home for the Dying. It will be a very good match for me, m’m,” said Jane, “me being an orphan girl.”
“He’s the second porter at Maynard’s, the draper’s,” said Jane, “and he makes eighteen shillings—almost a pound—a week, ma’am; and when the head porter leaves, he’ll become head porter. His family is quite respectable, ma’am. Not working-class at all. His dad was a greengrocer, ma’am, and had a shop, and he went bankrupt twice. And one of his sisters is in a home for the dying. It would be a really good match for me, ma’am,” said Jane, “since I’m an orphan girl.”
“Then you are engaged to him?” asked my wife.
“Are you engaged to him now?” my wife asked.
“Not engaged, ma’am; but he is saving money to buy a ring—hammyfist.”
“Not engaged, ma’am; but he is saving money to buy a ring—hammyfist.”
“Well, Jane, when you are properly engaged to him you may ask him round here on Sunday afternoons, and have tea with him in the kitchen.” For my Euphemia has a motherly conception of her duty towards her maid-servants. And presently the amethystine ring was being worn about the house, even with ostentation, and Jane developed a new way of bringing in the joint, so that this gage was evident. The elder Miss Maitland was aggrieved by it, and told my wife that servants ought not to wear rings. But my wife looked it up in Enquire Within and Mrs. Motherly’s Book of Household Management, and found no prohibition. So Jane remained with this happiness added to her love.
“Well, Jane, when you’re officially engaged to him, you can invite him over for tea on Sunday afternoons in the kitchen.” My Euphemia has a caring view of her responsibilities towards her maids. Soon enough, the amethyst ring was being worn around the house, even flaunted, and Jane had a new way of serving the roast that made her engagement obvious. The older Miss Maitland didn’t like it and told my wife that servants shouldn’t wear rings. But my wife checked in Enquire Within and Mrs. Motherly’s Book of Household Management, and found no rule against it. So Jane continued to enjoy this added happiness in her love.
The treasure of Jane’s heart appeared to me to be what respectable people call a very deserving young man. “William, ma’am,” said Jane one day suddenly, with ill-concealed complacency, as she counted out the beer bottles, “William, ma’am, is a teetotaller. Yes, m’m; and he don’t smoke. Smoking, ma’am,” said Jane, as one who reads the heart, “do make such a dust about. Beside the waste of money. And the smell. However, I suppose it’s necessary to some.”
The treasure of Jane’s heart seemed to me to be what decent people would call a very deserving young man. “William, ma’am,” Jane said one day out of the blue, with barely hidden pride, as she counted out the beer bottles, “William, ma’am, is a teetotaler. Yes, ma’am; and he doesn’t smoke. Smoking, ma’am,” she added, as if she understood the heart, “does create such a mess. Besides the waste of money. And the smell. But I guess some people find it necessary.”
Possibly it dawned on Jane that she was reflecting a little severely upon Euphemia’s comparative ill-fortune, and she added kindly, “I’m sure the master is a hangel when his pipe’s alight. Compared to other times.”
Possibly it occurred to Jane that she was being a bit harsh about Euphemia’s relatively bad luck, and she added kindly, “I’m sure the master is an angel when he’s playing. Compared to other times.”
William was at first a rather shabby young man of the ready-made black coat school of costume. He[216] had watery grey eyes, and a complexion appropriate to the brother of one in a Home for the Dying. Euphemia did not fancy him very much, even at the beginning. His eminent respectability was vouched for by an alpaca umbrella, from which he never allowed himself to be parted.
William was initially a slightly scruffy young man who dressed in a cheap black coat. He[216] had watery gray eyes and a complexion that suited the brother of someone in a hospice. Euphemia didn’t think much of him, even from the start. His obvious respectability was confirmed by an alpaca umbrella that he never seemed to leave behind.
“He goes to chapel,” said Jane. “His papa, ma’am”—
“He goes to chapel,” said Jane. “His dad, ma’am”—
“His what, Jane?”
“His what, Jane?”
“His papa, ma’am, was Church; but Mr. Maynard is a Plymouth Brother, and William thinks it Policy, ma’am, to go there too. Mr. Maynard comes and talks to him quite friendly, when they ain’t busy, about using up all the ends of string, and about his soul. He takes a lot of notice, do Mr. Maynard, of William, and the way he saves string and his soul, ma’am.”
“His dad, ma’am, was Church; but Mr. Maynard is a Plymouth Brother, and William thinks it’s smart, ma’am, to go there too. Mr. Maynard comes and talks to him quite nicely when they’re not busy, about using up all the leftover string, and about his soul. Mr. Maynard pays a lot of attention to William, and the way he saves string and his soul, ma’am.”
Presently we heard that the head porter at Maynard’s had left, and that William was head porter at twenty-three shillings a week. “He is really kind of over the man who drives the van,” said Jane, “and him married with three children.” And she promised in the pride of her heart to make interest for us with William to favour us so that we might get our parcels of drapery from Maynard’s with exceptional promptitude.
Right now, we heard that the head porter at Maynard's had quit, and that William was now the head porter making twenty-three shillings a week. “He’s pretty much in charge of the guy who drives the van,” Jane said, “and that guy's married with three kids.” She promised, feeling proud, to put in a good word for us with William so we could get our fabric orders from Maynard's delivered really quickly.
After this promotion a rapidly increasing prosperity came upon Jane’s young man. One day, we learned that Mr. Maynard had given William a book. “Smiles’ Elp Yourself, it’s called,” said Jane; “but it ain’t comic. It tells you how to get on in the world, and some what William read to me was lovely, ma’am.”
After this promotion, Jane's boyfriend quickly became more prosperous. One day, we found out that Mr. Maynard had given William a book. “It’s called 'Smiles’ Help Yourself,'” said Jane; “but it’s not a comic. It teaches you how to succeed in life, and some of what William read to me was lovely, ma’am.”
Euphemia told me of this laughing, and then she became suddenly grave. “Do you know, dear,” she said, “Jane said one thing I did not like. She had been quiet for a minute, and then she suddenly remarked, ‘William is a lot above me, ma’am, ain’t he?’”
Euphemia shared this with me while laughing, but then she became serious all of a sudden. “You know, dear,” she said, “Jane mentioned something I didn’t like. She had been quiet for a moment, and then she suddenly said, ‘William is way above me, ma’am, isn’t he?’”
“I don’t see anything in that,” I said, though later my eyes were to be opened.
“I don’t see anything in that,” I said, though later my eyes were going to be opened.
One Sunday afternoon about that time I was sitting at my writing-desk—possibly I was reading a good book—when a something went by the window. I heard a startled exclamation behind me, and saw Euphemia with her hands clasped together and her eyes dilated. “George,” she said in an awestricken whisper, “did you see?”
One Sunday afternoon around that time, I was sitting at my writing desk—maybe I was reading a good book—when something went by the window. I heard a surprised exclamation behind me and saw Euphemia with her hands clasped together and her eyes wide. “George,” she said in a hushed voice, “did you see?”
Then we both spoke to one another at the same moment, slowly and solemnly: “A silk hat! Yellow gloves! A new umbrella!”
Then we both spoke to each other at the same time, slowly and seriously: “A silk hat! Yellow gloves! A new umbrella!”
“It may be my fancy, dear,” said Euphemia; “but his tie was very like yours. I believe Jane keeps him in ties. She told me a little while ago in a way that implied volumes about the rest of your costume, ‘The master do wear pretty ties, ma’am.’ And he echoes all your novelties.”
“It might just be my imagination, dear,” said Euphemia; “but his tie looked a lot like yours. I think Jane provides him with ties. She mentioned to me a little while ago in a way that suggested a lot about the rest of your outfit, ‘The master does wear nice ties, ma’am.’ And he copies all your trends.”
The young couple passed our window again on their way to their customary walk. They were arm in arm. Jane looked exquisitely proud, happy, and uncomfortable, with new white cotton gloves, and William, in the silk hat, singularly genteel!
The young couple walked by our window again on their usual stroll. They were linked arm in arm. Jane seemed incredibly proud, happy, and a bit uncomfortable with her new white cotton gloves, while William, in his silk hat, looked particularly refined!
That was the culmination of Jane’s happiness. When she returned, “Mr. Maynard has been talking to William, ma’am,” she said, “and he is to serve[218] customers, just like the young shop gentlemen, during the next sale. And if he gets on, he is to be made an assistant, ma’am, at the first opportunity. He has got to be as gentlemanly as he can, ma’am; and if he ain’t, ma’am, he says it won’t be for want of trying. Mr. Maynard has took a great fancy to him.”
That was the peak of Jane’s happiness. When she came back, she said, “Mr. Maynard has been talking to William, ma’am, and he’s going to serve customers, just like the other young men in the shop, during the next sale. If he does well, he’ll be made an assistant, ma’am, at the first chance. He has to act as gentlemanly as he can, ma’am; and if he doesn’t, ma’am, he says it won’t be for lack of trying. Mr. Maynard has taken a real liking to him.”
“He is getting on, Jane,” said my wife.
“He is getting older, Jane,” said my wife.
“Yes, ma’am,” said Jane thoughtfully, “he is getting on.”
“Yes, ma’am,” Jane said thoughtfully, “he is getting older.”
And she sighed.
And she sighed.
That next Sunday, as I drank my tea, I interrogated my wife. “How is this Sunday different from all other Sundays, little woman? What has happened? Have you altered the curtains, or rearranged the furniture, or where is the indefinable difference of it? Are you wearing your hair in a new way without warning me? I clearly perceive a change in my environment, and I cannot for the life of me say what it is.”
That next Sunday, as I sipped my tea, I questioned my wife. “How is this Sunday different from all other Sundays, my dear? What’s changed? Have you switched out the curtains, or rearranged the furniture, or what is that subtle difference? Are you styling your hair differently without telling me? I can definitely sense a change around me, but I can't figure out what it is.”
Then my wife answered in her most tragic voice: “George,” she said, “that—that William has not come near the place to-day! And Jane is crying her heart out upstairs.”
Then my wife replied in her most dramatic voice: “George,” she said, “that—that William hasn’t shown up at all today! And Jane is upstairs crying her heart out.”
There followed a period of silence. Jane, as I have said, stopped singing about the house, and began to care for our brittle possessions, which struck my wife as being a very sad sign indeed. The next Sunday, and the next, Jane asked to go out, “to walk with William,” and my wife, who never attempts to extort confidences, gave her permission, and asked no questions. On each occasion Jane came back looking[219] flushed and very determined. At last one day she became communicative.
There was a quiet period after that. Jane, as I mentioned before, stopped singing around the house and started taking care of our fragile belongings, which my wife thought was a really sad sign. The following Sunday, and the next, Jane asked to go out, “to walk with William,” and my wife, who never tries to pry for information, let her go without asking any questions. Each time, Jane returned looking[219] flushed and very determined. Finally, one day she opened up.
“William is being led away,” she remarked abruptly, with a catching of the breath, apropos of tablecloths. “Yes, m’m. She is a milliner, and she can play on the piano.”
“William is being taken away,” she said suddenly, catching her breath, in relation to tablecloths. “Yes, ma’am. She’s a hat maker, and she can play the piano.”
“I thought,” said my wife, “that you went out with him on Sunday.”
“I thought,” my wife said, “that you went out with him on Sunday.”
“Not out with him, m’m—after him. I walked along by the side of them, and told her he was engaged to me.”
“Not out with him, ma'am—after him. I walked alongside them and told her he was engaged to me.”
“Dear me, Jane, did you? What did they do?”
“Wow, Jane, really? What happened next?”
“Took no more notice of me than if I was dirt. So I told her she should suffer for it.”
“Treated me like I was invisible. So I told her she needed to pay for it.”
“It could not have been a very agreeable walk, Jane.”
“It couldn't have been a very pleasant walk, Jane.”
“Not for no parties, ma’am.
"Not for any parties, ma'am."
“I wish,” said Jane, “I could play the piano, ma’am. But anyhow, I don’t mean to let her get him away from me. She’s older than him, and her hair ain’t gold to the roots, ma’am.”
“I wish,” said Jane, “I could play the piano, ma’am. But anyway, I’m not going to let her take him away from me. She’s older than him, and her hair isn’t gold to the roots, ma’am.”
It was on the August Bank Holiday that the crisis came. We do not clearly know the details of the fray, but only such fragments as poor Jane let fall. She came home dusty, excited, and with her heart hot within her.
It was on the August Bank Holiday that the crisis hit. We don’t know the full details of the fight, but only bits and pieces that poor Jane shared. She came home dirty, excited, and with her heart racing.
The milliner’s mother, the milliner, and William had made a party to the Art Museum at South Kensington, I think. Anyhow, Jane had calmly but firmly accosted them somewhere in the streets, and asserted her right to what, in spite of the consensus of literature, she held to be her inalienable property.[220] She did, I think, go so far as to lay hands on him. They dealt with her in a crushingly superior way. They “called a cab.” There was a “scene,” William being pulled away into the four-wheeler by his future wife and mother-in-law from the reluctant hands of our discarded Jane. There were threats of giving her “in charge.”
The milliner’s mother, the milliner, and William had thrown a party at the Art Museum in South Kensington, I believe. In any case, Jane had approached them calmly but assertively on the street and claimed her right to what she believed, despite what everyone else said, was her undeniable property.[220] I think she even went as far as to grab him. They treated her with a condescending superiority. They “called a cab.” There was a “scene,” with William being dragged into the cab by his future wife and mother-in-law, away from the unwilling grasp of our neglected Jane. There were threats of having her “arrested.”
“My poor Jane!” said my wife, mincing veal as though she was mincing William. “It’s a shame of them. I would think no more of him. He is not worthy of you.”
“My poor Jane!” said my wife, chopping veal as if she was chopping William. “It’s really a shame. I wouldn’t think twice about him. He’s not worthy of you.”
“No, m’m,” said Jane. “He is weak.”
“No, ma’am,” said Jane. “He is weak.”
“But it’s that woman has done it,” said Jane. She was never known to bring herself to pronounce “that woman’s” name or to admit her girlishness. “I can’t think what minds some women must have—to try and get a girl’s young man away from her. But there, it only hurts to talk about it,” said Jane.
“But it’s that woman who did it,” said Jane. She was never known to say “that woman’s” name or admit her girlishness. “I can’t understand what some women are thinking—to try and take a girl’s boyfriend away from her. But talking about it just makes it hurt more,” said Jane.
Thereafter our house rested from William. But there was something in the manner of Jane’s scrubbing the front doorstep or sweeping out the rooms, a certain viciousness, that persuaded me that the story had not yet ended.
Thereafter, our house was quiet after William. But there was something in the way Jane scrubbed the front doorstep or swept out the rooms, a certain harshness, that made me think the story wasn’t over yet.
“Please, m’m, may I go and see a wedding to-morrow?” said Jane one day.
“Excuse me, ma’am, can I go see a wedding tomorrow?” said Jane one day.
My wife knew by instinct whose wedding. “Do you think it is wise, Jane?” she said.
My wife instinctively knew whose wedding it was. “Do you think that's a good idea, Jane?” she asked.
“I would like to see the last of him,” said Jane.
“I want to be done with him,” said Jane.
“My dear,” said my wife, fluttering into my room about twenty minutes after Jane had started, “Jane has been to the boot-hole and taken all the left-off[221] boots and shoes, and gone off to the wedding with them in a bag. Surely she cannot mean”—
“My dear,” said my wife, coming into my room about twenty minutes after Jane had left, “Jane has gone to the boot-hole, grabbed all the leftover[221] boots and shoes, and taken them to the wedding in a bag. She can't possibly mean”—
“Jane,” I said, “is developing character. Let us hope for the best.”
“Jane,” I said, “is growing as a person. Let’s hope for the best.”
Jane came back with a pale, hard face. All the boots seemed to be still in her bag, at which my wife heaved a premature sigh of relief. We heard her go upstairs and replace the boots with considerable emphasis.
Jane returned with a pale, tense expression. All the boots appeared to still be in her bag, prompting my wife to let out a premature sigh of relief. We heard her head upstairs and put the boots away with a noticeable force.
“Quite a crowd at the wedding, ma’am,” she said presently, in a purely conversational style, sitting in our little kitchen, and scrubbing the potatoes; “and such a lovely day for them.” She proceeded to numerous other details, clearly avoiding some cardinal incident.
“Quite a crowd at the wedding, ma’am,” she said after a moment, in a casual tone, sitting in our small kitchen and scrubbing the potatoes; “and it’s such a beautiful day for them.” She went on to share several other details, clearly avoiding mentioning some key event.
“It was all extremely respectable and nice, ma’am; but her father didn’t wear a black coat, and looked quite out of place, ma’am. Mr. Piddingquirk”—
“It was all very respectable and nice, ma’am; but her father didn’t wear a black coat and looked quite out of place, ma’am. Mr. Piddingquirk—”
“Who?”
“Who?”
“Mr. Piddingquirk—William that was, ma’am—had white gloves, and a coat like a clergyman, and a lovely chrysanthemum. He looked so nice, ma’am. And there was red carpet down, just like for gentlefolks. And they say he gave the clerk four shillings, ma’am. It was a real kerridge they had—not a fly. When they came out of church there was rice-throwing, and her two little sisters dropping dead flowers. And someone threw a slipper, and then I threw a boot”—
“Mr. Piddingquirk—William that was, ma’am—had white gloves, a coat like a clergyman, and a beautiful chrysanthemum. He looked so nice, ma’am. And there was a red carpet laid out, just like for the wealthy. They say he gave the clerk four shillings, ma’am. It was a real carriage they had—not a cab. When they came out of church, there was rice throwing, and her two little sisters dropping dead flowers. And someone threw a slipper, and then I threw a boot”—
“Threw a boot, Jane!”
“Threw a boot, Jane!”
“Yes, ma’am. Aimed at her. But it hit him. Yes, ma’am, hard. Gev him a black eye, I should[222] think. I only threw that one. I hadn’t the heart to try again. All the little boys cheered when it hit him.”
“Yes, ma’am. It was aimed at her. But it hit him. Yes, ma’am, it hit him hard. Gave him a black eye, I’d say[222]. I only threw that one. I didn't have the heart to try again. All the little boys cheered when it hit him.”
After an interval—“I am sorry the boot hit him.”
After a moment—“I’m sorry the boot hit him.”
Another pause. The potatoes were being scrubbed violently. “He always was a bit above me, you know, ma’am. And he was led away.”
Another pause. The potatoes were being scrubbed aggressively. “He always was a bit above me, you know, ma’am. And he was taken away.”
The potatoes were more than finished. Jane rose sharply, with a sigh, and rapped the basin down on the table.
The potatoes were completely done. Jane stood up suddenly, let out a sigh, and slammed the bowl down on the table.
“I don’t care,” she said. “I don’t care a rap. He will find out his mistake yet. It serves me right. I was stuck up about him. I ought not to have looked so high. And I am glad things are as things are.”
“I don’t care,” she said. “I don’t care at all. He’ll realize his mistake eventually. I brought this on myself. I was too proud about him. I shouldn’t have set my sights so high. And I’m glad things are the way they are.”
My wife was in the kitchen, seeing to the higher cookery. After the confession of the boot-throwing, she must have watched poor Jane fuming with a certain dismay in those brown eyes of hers. But I imagine they softened again very quickly, and then Jane’s must have met them.
My wife was in the kitchen, taking care of the cooking. After I confessed to throwing the boot, she must have seen poor Jane fuming, and there was a certain sadness in her brown eyes. But I bet they softened again pretty quickly, and then Jane’s eyes must have met hers.
“Oh, ma’am,” said Jane, with an astonishing change of note, “think of all that might have been! Oh, ma’am, I could have been so happy! I ought to have known, but I didn’t know.... You’re very kind to let me talk to you, ma’am ... for it’s hard on me, ma’am ... it’s har-r-r-r-d”—
“Oh, ma’am,” said Jane, with an incredible shift in tone, “think of all that could have been! Oh, ma’am, I could have been so happy! I should have known, but I didn’t know.... You’re really kind to let me talk to you, ma’am ... because it’s tough for me, ma’am ... it’s so h-a-a-a-r-d”—
And I gather that Euphemia so far forgot herself as to let Jane sob out some of the fulness of her heart on a sympathetic shoulder. My Euphemia, thank Heaven, has never properly grasped the importance of “keeping up her position.” And since that fit of[223] weeping, much of the accent of bitterness has gone out of Jane’s scrubbing and brush work.
And I hear that Euphemia ended up forgetting herself enough to let Jane cry out some of her feelings on a sympathetic shoulder. Thank goodness my Euphemia has never truly understood the importance of “maintaining her status.” And since that moment of[223] crying, a lot of the bitterness has faded from Jane’s cleaning and scrubbing.
Indeed, something passed the other day with the butcher-boy—but that scarcely belongs to this story. However, Jane is young still, and time and change are at work with her. We all have our sorrows, but I do not believe very much in the existence of sorrows that never heal.
Indeed, something happened the other day with the butcher boy—but that hardly relates to this story. However, Jane is still young, and time and change are affecting her. We all have our sorrows, but I don't really believe in sorrows that never heal.
IN THE MODERN VEIN
A UNLIKABLE LOVE STORY
Of course the cultivated reader has heard of Aubrey Vair. He has published on three several occasions volumes of delicate verses,—some, indeed, border on indelicacy,—and his column “Of Things Literary” in the Climax is well known. His Byronic visage and an interview have appeared in the Perfect Lady. It was Aubrey Vair, I believe, who demonstrated that the humour of Dickens was worse than his sentiment, and who detected “a subtle bourgeois flavour” in Shakespeare. However, it is not generally known that Aubrey Vair has had erotic experiences as well as erotic inspirations. He adopted Goethe some little time since as his literary prototype, and that may have had something to do with his temporary lapse from sexual integrity.
Of course, the cultured reader has heard of Aubrey Vair. He has published several volumes of delicate poetry—some of which, in fact, come close to being inappropriate—and his column “Of Things Literary” in the Climax is quite popular. His Byronic looks and an interview have been featured in the Perfect Lady. It was Aubrey Vair, I believe, who showed that Dickens’ humor was worse than his sentimentality and who identified “a subtle bourgeois flavor” in Shakespeare. However, it isn’t widely known that Aubrey Vair has had both erotic experiences and inspirations. He took Goethe as his literary model a while ago, and that might explain his temporary straying from sexual integrity.
For it is one of the commonest things that undermine literary men, giving us landslips and picturesque effects along the otherwise even cliff of their respectable life, ranking next to avarice, and certainly above drink, this instability called genius, or, more fully, the consciousness of genius, such as Aubrey Vair[225] possessed. Since Shelley set the fashion, your man of gifts has been assured that his duty to himself and his duty to his wife are incompatible, and his renunciation of the Philistine has been marked by such infidelity as his means and courage warranted. Most virtue is lack of imagination. At anyrate, a minor genius without his affections twisted into an inextricable muddle, and who did not occasionally shed sonnets over his troubles, I have never met.
For it’s one of the most common things that undermine writers, giving us unexpected collapses and striking effects along the otherwise steady cliff of their respectable lives, ranking just below greed and certainly above alcohol, this instability called genius, or more accurately, the awareness of genius, like Aubrey Vair[225] had. Since Shelley popularized it, a talented man has been convinced that his responsibilities to himself and to his wife are at odds, and his rejection of the ordinary has often been marked by whatever infidelity his circumstances and courage allowed. Most virtue is just a lack of imagination. In any case, I’ve never met a minor genius whose feelings weren’t tangled up in a confusing mess and who didn’t occasionally write sonnets about his problems.
Even Aubrey Vair did this, weeping the sonnets overnight into his blotting-book, and pretending to write literary causerie when his wife came down in her bath slippers to see what kept him up. She did not understand him, of course. He did this even before the other woman appeared, so ingrained is conjugal treachery in the talented mind. Indeed, he wrote more sonnets before the other woman came than after that event, because thereafter he spent much of his leisure in cutting down the old productions, retrimming them, and generally altering this readymade clothing of his passion to suit her particular height and complexion.
Even Aubrey Vair did this, writing out sonnets in his blotting book overnight and pretending to compose literary causerie when his wife came down in her slippers to see what was keeping him up. She didn't really get him, of course. He did this even before the other woman showed up, highlighting how deeply betrayal can run in a creative mind. In fact, he wrote more sonnets before the other woman arrived than after, because afterward, he spent a lot of his free time reworking his old pieces, reshaping them, and generally altering this ready-made expression of his feelings to fit her specific height and complexion.
Aubrey Vair lived in a little red villa with a lawn at the back and a view of the Downs behind Reigate. He lived upon discreet investment eked out by literary work. His wife was handsome, sweet, and gentle, and—such is the tender humility of good married women—she found her life’s happiness in seeing that little Aubrey Vair had well-cooked variety for dinner, and that their house was the neatest and brightest of all the houses they entered.[226] Aubrey Vair enjoyed the dinners, and was proud of the house, yet nevertheless he mourned because his genius dwindled. Moreover, he grew plump, and corpulence threatened him.
Aubrey Vair lived in a small red villa with a backyard and a view of the Downs behind Reigate. He relied on careful investments supplemented by writing. His wife was attractive, kind, and gentle, and—such is the delicate humility of good wives—she found her happiness in making sure that little Aubrey Vair had a well-cooked variety of meals for dinner, and that their home was the tidiest and brightest of all the places they visited.[226] Aubrey Vair enjoyed the dinners and took pride in the house, but he still felt sad because his creativity was fading. Furthermore, he began to gain weight, and being overweight was becoming a concern.
We learn in suffering what we teach in song, and Aubrey Vair knew certainly that his soul could give no creditable crops unless his affections were harrowed. And how to harrow them was the trouble, for Reigate is a moral neighbourhood.
We learn from suffering what we express in song, and Aubrey Vair knew for sure that his soul could yield no genuine growth unless his feelings were cultivated. The problem was figuring out how to cultivate them, as Reigate is a morally strict neighborhood.
So Aubrey Vair’s romantic longings blew loose for a time, much as a seedling creeper might, planted in the midst of a flower-bed. But at last, in the fulness of time, the other woman came to the embrace of Aubrey Vair’s yearning heart-tendrils, and his romantic episode proceeded as is here faithfully written down.
So Aubrey Vair’s romantic desires were set free for a while, like a seedling vine growing in the middle of a flower bed. But eventually, in due time, the other woman came into the embrace of Aubrey Vair’s longing heart, and his romantic journey continued as it is faithfully recorded here.
The other woman was really a girl, and Aubrey Vair met her first at a tennis party at Redhill. Aubrey Vair did not play tennis after the accident to Miss Morton’s eye, and because latterly it made him pant and get warmer and moister than even a poet should be; and this young lady had only recently arrived in England, and could not play. So they gravitated into the two vacant basket chairs beside Mrs. Bayne’s deaf aunt, in front of the hollyhocks, and were presently talking at their ease together.
The other woman
The other woman’s name was unpropitious,—Miss Smith,—but you would never have suspected it from her face and costume. Her parentage was promising, she was an orphan, her mother was a Hindoo, and[227] her father an Indian civil servant; and Aubrey Vair—himself a happy mixture of Kelt and Teuton, as, indeed, all literary men have to be nowadays—naturally believed in the literary consequences of a mixture of races. She was dressed in white. She had finely moulded pale features, great depth of expression, and a cloud of delicately frisé black hair over her dark eyes, and she looked at Aubrey Vair with a look half curious and half shy, that contrasted admirably with the stereotyped frankness of your common Reigate girl.
The other woman's name was unfortunate—Miss Smith—but you wouldn't have guessed it from her face and outfit. Her background was promising; she was an orphan, her mother was a Hindu, and her father was an Indian civil servant; and Aubrey Vair—who himself was a happy mix of Celt and German, as all literary people tend to be these days—naturally believed in the literary outcomes of mixed heritage. She was dressed in white. She had finely shaped pale features, a lot of expression in her gaze, and a cloud of delicately curled black hair framing her dark eyes. She looked at Aubrey Vair with an expression that was half curious and half shy, which contrasted beautifully with the typical openness of a regular Reigate girl.
“This is a splendid lawn—the best in Redhill,” said Aubrey Vair in the course of the conversation; “and I like it all the better because the daisies are spared.” He indicated the daisies with a graceful sweep of his rather elegant hand.
“This is a beautiful lawn—the best in Redhill,” said Aubrey Vair during the conversation; “and I appreciate it even more because the daisies are left untouched.” He pointed to the daisies with a graceful gesture of his rather stylish hand.
“They are sweet little flowers,” said the lady in white, “and I have always associated them with England, chiefly, perhaps, through a picture I saw ‘over there’ when I was very little, of children making daisy chains. I promised myself that pleasure when I came home. But, alas! I feel now rather too large for such delights.”
“They're such sweet little flowers,” said the lady in white, “and I've always connected them with England, mostly because of a picture I saw ‘over there’ when I was very young, of kids making daisy chains. I promised myself that joy when I came home. But, unfortunately! I feel a bit too grown-up for such delights now.”
“I do not see why we should not be able to enjoy these simple pleasures as we grow older—why our growth should have in it so much forgetting. For my own part”—
“I don't see why we shouldn't be able to enjoy these simple pleasures as we get older—why our growth has to involve so much forgetting. As for me—”
“Has your wife got Jane’s recipe for stuffing trout?” asked Mrs. Bayne’s deaf aunt abruptly.
“Does your wife have Jane’s recipe for stuffing trout?” asked Mrs. Bayne’s deaf aunt suddenly.
“I really don’t know,” said Aubrey Vair.
“I honestly don’t know,” said Aubrey Vair.
“That’s all right,” said Mrs. Bayne’s deaf aunt. “It ought to please even you.”
"That's okay," said Mrs. Bayne's deaf aunt. "It should make you happy too."
“Anything will please me,” said Aubrey Vair; “I care very little”—
“Anything will please me,” said Aubrey Vair; “I don’t care much”—
“Oh, it’s a lovely dish,” said Mrs. Bayne’s deaf aunt, and relapsed into contemplation.
“Oh, it’s a lovely dish,” said Mrs. Bayne’s deaf aunt, and fell back into thought.
“I was saying,” said Aubrey Vair, “that I think I still find my keenest pleasures in childish pastimes. I have a little nephew that I see a great deal of, and when we fly kites together, I am sure it would be hard to tell which of us is the happier. By the bye, you should get at your daisy chains in that way. Beguile some little girl.”
“I was saying,” said Aubrey Vair, “that I still find my greatest joys in simple childhood activities. I have a little nephew I spend a lot of time with, and when we fly kites together, it’s pretty hard to tell who’s having more fun. By the way, you should make some daisy chains like that. Enlist the help of some little girl.”
“But I did. I took that Morton mite for a walk in the meadows, and timidly broached the subject. And she reproached me for suggesting ‘frivolous pursuits.’ It was a horrible disappointment.”
“But I did. I took that Morton mite for a walk in the meadows and nervously brought up the topic. And she scolded me for suggesting ‘frivolous pursuits.’ It was a terrible disappointment.”
“The governess here,” said Aubrey Vair, “is robbing that child of its youth in a terrible way. What will a life be that has no childhood at the beginning?”
“The governess here,” said Aubrey Vair, “is stealing that child’s youth in a terrible way. What kind of life is one that has no childhood to start with?”
“Some human beings are never young,” he continued, “and they never grow up. They lead absolutely colourless lives. They are—they are etiolated. They never love, and never feel the loss of it. They are—for the moment I can think of no better image—they are human flower-pots, in which no soul has been planted. But a human soul properly growing must begin in a fresh childishness.”
“Some people are never young,” he continued, “and they never mature. They live completely dull lives. They are—they are lifeless. They never love, and never experience the pain of loss. They are—for the moment I can’t think of a better comparison—they are like empty flower pots, in which no soul has been nurtured. But a human soul that is truly growing has to start with a sense of fresh innocence.”
“Yes,” said the dark lady thoughtfully, “a careless childhood, running wild almost. That should be the beginning.”
“Yeah,” said the dark lady thoughtfully, “a carefree childhood, running wild most of the time. That should be the start.”
“Then we pass through the wonder and diffidence of youth.”
“Then we go through the awe and uncertainty of youth.”
“To strength and action,” said the dark lady. Her dreamy eyes were fixed on the Downs, and her fingers tightened on her knees as she spoke. “Ah, it is a grand thing to live—as a man does—self-reliant and free.”
“To strength and action,” said the dark lady. Her dreamy eyes were fixed on the hills, and her fingers tightened on her knees as she spoke. “Ah, it is a wonderful thing to live—as a man does—independent and free.”
“And so at last,” said Aubrey Vair, “come to the culmination and crown of life.” He paused and glanced hastily at her. Then he dropped his voice almost to a whisper—“And the culmination of life is love.”
“And so at last,” said Aubrey Vair, “we’ve reached the peak and the best part of life.” He paused and quickly looked at her. Then he brought his voice down to almost a whisper—“And the peak of life is love.”
Their eyes met for a moment, but she looked away at once. Aubrey Vair felt a peculiar thrill and a catching in his breath, but his emotions were too complex for analysis. He had a certain sense of surprise, also, at the way his conversation had developed.
Their eyes locked for a second, but she quickly looked away. Aubrey Vair felt an unusual thrill and a sudden catch in his breath, but his feelings were too complicated to analyze. He was also somewhat surprised by how his conversation had unfolded.
Mrs. Bayne’s deaf aunt suddenly dug him in the chest with her ear-trumpet, and someone at tennis bawled, “Love all!”
Mrs. Bayne’s deaf aunt suddenly poked him in the chest with her hearing trumpet, and someone playing tennis shouted, “Love all!”
“Did I tell you Jane’s girls have had scarlet fever?” asked Mrs. Bayne’s deaf aunt.
“Did I mention that Jane’s girls have had scarlet fever?” asked Mrs. Bayne’s deaf aunt.
“No,” said Aubrey Vair.
“No,” said Aubrey Vair.
“Yes; and they are peeling now,” said Mrs. Bayne’s deaf aunt, shutting her lips tightly, and nodding in a slow, significant manner at both of them.
“Yes; and they are peeling now,” said Mrs. Bayne’s deaf aunt, pressing her lips together and nodding slowly and meaningfully at both of them.
There was a pause. All three seemed lost in thought, too deep for words.
There was a pause. All three appeared to be lost in thought, too immersed to speak.
“Love,” began Aubrey Vair presently, in a severely philosophical tone, leaning back in his chair, holding his hands like a praying saint’s in front of him, and staring at the toe of his shoe,—“love is, I believe, the[230] one true and real thing in life. It rises above reason, interest, or explanation. Yet I never read of an age when it was so much forgotten as it is now. Never was love expected to run so much in appointed channels, never was it so despised, checked, ordered, and obstructed. Policemen say, ‘This way, Eros!’ As a result, we relieve our emotional possibilities in the hunt for gold and notoriety. And after all, with the best fortune in these, we only hold up the gilded images of our success, and are weary slaves, with unsatisfied hearts, in the pageant of life.”
“Love,” Aubrey Vair said, in a seriously philosophical tone, leaning back in his chair, holding his hands together like a praying saint in front of him, and staring at the toe of his shoe, “I believe love is the[230] one true and real thing in life. It transcends reason, interest, or explanation. Yet I’ve never heard of a time when it’s been forgotten as much as it is now. Love has never been expected to follow such strict rules, nor has it ever been so disdained, controlled, planned, and obstructed. Policemen say, ‘This way, Eros!’ As a result, we focus our emotional energies on chasing wealth and fame. And in the end, even with the greatest success in those areas, we just present the shiny images of our achievements while being tired slaves with unfulfilled hearts in the spectacle of life.”
Aubrey Vair sighed, and there was a pause. The girl looked at him out of the mysterious darkness of her eyes. She had read many books, but Aubrey Vair was her first literary man, and she took this kind of thing for genius—as girls have done before.
Aubrey Vair sighed, and there was a pause. The girl looked at him from the mysterious darkness of her eyes. She had read many books, but Aubrey Vair was her first real literary guy, and she saw this sort of thing as genius—just like girls have done in the past.
“We are,” continued Aubrey Vair, conscious of a favourable impression,—“we are like fireworks, mere dead, inert things until the appointed spark comes; and then—if it is not damp—the dormant soul blazes forth in all its warmth and beauty. That is living. I sometimes think, do you know, that we should be happier if we could die soon after that golden time, like the Ephemerides. There is a decay sets in.”
“We are,” continued Aubrey Vair, aware of making a good impression, “we are like fireworks, just lifeless, inactive things until the right spark hits us; and then—if it isn’t wet—the hidden soul bursts out in all its warmth and beauty. That’s truly living. Sometimes I think, you know, that we’d be happier if we could die shortly after that golden moment, like mayflies. There’s a decay that follows.”
“Eigh?” said Mrs. Bayne’s deaf aunt startlingly. “I didn’t hear you.”
“Pardon?” said Mrs. Bayne’s deaf aunt in surprise. “I didn’t catch that.”
“I was on the point of remarking,” shouted Aubrey Vair, wheeling the array of his thoughts,—“I was on the point of remarking that few people in Redhill could match Mrs. Morton’s fine broad green.”
“I was just about to say,” shouted Aubrey Vair, organizing his thoughts, “I was just about to say that not many people in Redhill could compare to Mrs. Morton’s beautiful broad green.”
“Others have noticed it,” Mrs. Bayne’s deaf aunt shouted back. “It is since she has had in her new false teeth.”
“Others have noticed it,” Mrs. Bayne’s deaf aunt shouted back. “It’s since she got her new dentures.”
This interruption dislocated the conversation a little. However—
This interruption threw off the conversation a bit. However—
“I must thank you, Mr. Vair,” said the dark girl, when they parted that afternoon, “for having given me very much to think about.”
“I really appreciate it, Mr. Vair,” said the dark girl when they said goodbye that afternoon, “for giving me a lot to think about.”
And from her manner, Aubrey Vair perceived clearly he had not wasted his time.
And from her demeanor, Aubrey Vair realized clearly that he had not wasted his time.
It would require a subtler pen than mine to tell how from that day a passion for Miss Smith grew like Jonah’s gourd in the heart of Aubrey Vair. He became pensive, and in the prolonged absence of Miss Smith, irritable. Mrs. Aubrey Vair felt the change in him, and put it down to a vitriolic Saturday Reviewer. Indisputably the Saturday does at times go a little far. He re-read Elective Affinities; and lent it to Miss Smith. Incredible as it may appear to members of the Areopagus Club, where we know Aubrey Vair, he did also beyond all question inspire a sort of passion in that sombre-eyed, rather clever, and really very beautiful girl.
It would take a more skilled writer than I to explain how, from that day on, a deep attraction to Miss Smith grew in the heart of Aubrey Vair, like Jonah's gourd. He became thoughtful, and during Miss Smith's long absence, he became irritable. Mrs. Aubrey Vair noticed the change in him and attributed it to a scathing review in the Saturday Reviewer. It's true that the Saturday can sometimes go overboard. He re-read Elective Affinities and lent it to Miss Smith. As surprising as it may seem to the members of the Areopagus Club, where we all know Aubrey Vair, he undeniably sparked a kind of passion in that dark-eyed, rather intelligent, and truly very beautiful girl.
He talked to her a lot about love and destiny, and all that bric-à-brac of the minor poet. And they talked together about his genius. He elaborately, though discreetly, sought her society, and presented and read to her the milder of his unpublished sonnets. We consider his Byronic features pasty, but the feminine mind has its own laws. I suppose, also, where a girl is not a fool, a literary man has an[232] enormous advantage over anyone but a preacher, in the show he can make of his heart’s wares.
He talked to her a lot about love and destiny, and all that stuff a minor poet loves to discuss. They also chatted about his talent. He went out of his way, though subtly, to spend time with her, sharing and reading to her the gentler of his unpublished sonnets. We find his Byronic looks a bit pale, but women have their own standards. I suppose, too, that when a girl isn’t foolish, a writer has a huge advantage over anyone except a preacher, thanks to the way he can showcase his emotions.
At last a day in that summer came when he met her alone, possibly by chance, in a quiet lane towards Horley. There were ample hedges on either side, rich with honeysuckle, vetch, and mullein.
At last, a day that summer arrived when he bumped into her alone, maybe by chance, in a quiet lane heading towards Horley. There were lush hedges on both sides, filled with honeysuckle, vetch, and mullein.
They conversed intimately of his poetic ambitions, and then he read her those verses of his subsequently published in Hobson’s Magazine: “Tenderly ever, since I have met thee.” He had written these the day before; and though I think the sentiment is uncommonly trite, there is a redeeming note of sincerity about the lines not conspicuous in all Aubrey Vair’s poetry.
They talked closely about his poetic goals, and then he read her those verses of his that were later published in Hobson’s Magazine: “Tenderly ever, since I have met thee.” He had written these the day before; and although I find the sentiment quite clichéd, there’s a genuine sincerity in these lines that isn’t always present in Aubrey Vair’s poetry.
He read rather well, and a swell of genuine emotion crept into his voice as he read, with one white hand thrown out to point the rhythm of the lines. “Ever, my sweet, for thee,” he concluded, looking up into her face.
He read pretty well, and a wave of real emotion came into his voice as he read, with one white hand reaching out to emphasize the rhythm of the lines. “Always, my sweet, for you,” he finished, looking up into her face.
Before he looked up, he had been thinking chiefly of his poem and its effect. Straightway he forgot it. Her arms hung limply before her, and her hands were clasped together. Her eyes were very tender.
Before he looked up, he had mostly been focused on his poem and how it would be received. As soon as he saw her, he forgot all about it. Her arms hung loosely in front of her, and her hands were held together. Her eyes were full of tenderness.
“Your verses go to the heart,” she said softly.
“Your poems hit home,” she said softly.
Her mobile features were capable of wonderful shades of expression. He suddenly forgot his wife and his position as a minor poet as he looked at her. It is possible that his classical features may themselves have undergone a certain transfiguration. For one brief moment—and it was always to linger in his memory—destiny lifted him out of his vain little self to a nobler level of simplicity. The copy of[233] “Tenderly ever” fluttered from his hand. Considerations vanished. Only one thing seemed of importance.
Her features were capable of amazing expressions. He suddenly forgot about his wife and his status as a minor poet as he gazed at her. It's possible that his classic looks might have also undergone a transformation. For one brief moment—and it was always to stay in his memory—fate raised him above his petty self to a higher level of simplicity. The copy of[233] "Tenderly ever" slipped from his hand. All other thoughts disappeared. Only one thing felt important.
“I love you,” he said abruptly.
"I love you," he said suddenly.
An expression of fear came into her eyes. The grip of her hands upon one another tightened convulsively. She became very pale.
An expression of fear appeared in her eyes. Her hands tightened around each other convulsively. She turned very pale.
Then she moved her lips as if to speak, bringing her face slightly nearer to his. There was nothing in the world at that moment for either of them but one another. They were both trembling exceedingly. In a whisper she said, “You love me?”
Then she moved her lips as if to say something, leaning her face a little closer to his. At that moment, there was nothing in the world for either of them except each other. They were both shaking intensely. In a whisper, she said, “You love me?”
Aubrey Vair stood quivering and speechless, looking into her eyes. He had never seen such a light as he saw there before. He was in a wild tumult of emotion. He was dreadfully scared at what he had done. He could not say another word. He nodded.
Aubrey Vair stood shaking and at a loss for words, staring into her eyes. He had never seen such a brightness there before. He was overwhelmed with emotion. He was extremely frightened by what he had done. He couldn't say anything else. He just nodded.
“And this has come to me?” she said presently, in the same awe-stricken whisper, and then, “Oh, my love, my love!”
“And this has come to me?” she said after a moment, in the same amazed whisper, and then, “Oh, my love, my love!”
And thereupon Aubrey Vair had her clasped to himself, her cheek upon his shoulder and his lips to hers.
And then Aubrey Vair had her close to him, her cheek on his shoulder and his lips on hers.
Thus it was that Aubrey Vair came by the cardinal memory of his life. To this day it recurs in his works.
Thus it was that Aubrey Vair experienced the defining memory of his life. To this day, it appears in his works.
A little boy clambering in the hedge some way down the lane saw this group with surprise, and then with scorn and contempt. Recking nothing of his destiny, he turned away, feeling that he at least could never come to the unspeakable unmanliness[234] of hugging girls. Unhappily for Reigate scandal, his shame for his sex was altogether too deep for words.
A little boy climbing through the bushes down the lane saw this group with surprise, then with scorn and contempt. Ignoring his own fate, he turned away, convinced that he could never fall into the unspeakable unmanliness[234] of hugging girls. Unfortunately for Reigate gossip, his shame for being a boy was way too deep for words.
An hour after, Aubrey Vair returned home in a hushed mood. There were muffins after his own heart for his tea—Mrs. Aubrey Vair had had hers. And there were chrysanthemums, chiefly white ones,—flowers he loved,—set out in the china bowl he was wont to praise. And his wife came behind him to kiss him as he sat eating.
An hour later, Aubrey Vair came home in a quiet mood. There were muffins he loved for his tea—Mrs. Aubrey Vair had already had hers. And there were chrysanthemums, mostly white ones—his favorite flowers—arranged in the china bowl he usually praised. His wife came up behind him to kiss him while he was eating.
“De lill Jummuns,” she remarked, kissing him under the ear.
“Those little Jummuns,” she said, kissing him under the ear.
Then it came into the mind of Aubrey Vair with startling clearness, while his ear was being kissed, and with his mouth full of muffin, that life is a singularly complex thing.
Then it suddenly struck Aubrey Vair, while his ear was being kissed and his mouth was full of muffin, that life is a surprisingly complex thing.
The summer passed at last into the harvest-time, and the leaves began falling. It was evening, the warm sunset light still touched the Downs, but up the valley a blue haze was creeping. One or two lamps in Reigate were already alight.
The summer finally turned into harvest season, and the leaves started to fall. It was evening, and the warm sunset light still illuminated the Downs, but a blue haze was creeping up the valley. One or two lamps in Reigate were already lit.
About half-way up the slanting road that scales the Downs, there is a wooden seat where one may obtain a fine view of the red villas scattered below, and of the succession of blue hills beyond. Here the girl with the shadowy face was sitting.
About halfway up the slanting road that climbs the Downs, there’s a wooden bench where you can get a great view of the red villas below and the series of blue hills in the distance. This is where the girl with the shadowy face was sitting.
She had a book on her knees, but it lay neglected. She was leaning forward, her chin resting upon her hand. She was looking across the valley into the darkening sky, with troubled eyes.
She had a book on her lap, but it was ignored. She leaned forward, her chin resting on her hand. She stared across the valley into the darkening sky, her eyes filled with worry.
Aubrey Vair appeared through the hazel-bushes, and sat down beside her. He held half a dozen dead leaves in his hand.
Aubrey Vair came through the hazel bushes and sat down next to her. He had half a dozen dead leaves in his hand.
She did not alter her attitude. “Well?” she said.
She didn't change her attitude. "Well?" she said.
“Is it to be flight?” he asked.
“Is it to be flight?” he asked.
Aubrey Vair was rather pale. He had been having bad nights latterly, with dreams of the Continental Express, Mrs. Aubrey Vair possibly even in pursuit,—he always fancied her making the tragedy ridiculous by tearfully bringing additional pairs of socks, and any such trifles he had forgotten, with her,—all Reigate and Redhill in commotion. He had never eloped before, and he had visions of difficulties with hotel proprietors. Mrs. Aubrey Vair might telegraph ahead. Even he had had a prophetic vision of a headline in a halfpenny evening newspaper: “Young Lady abducts a Minor Poet.” So there was a quaver in his voice as he asked, “Is it to be flight?”
Aubrey Vair looked pretty pale. He had been having tough nights lately, filled with dreams about the Continental Express, and possibly Mrs. Aubrey Vair chasing after him—he always imagined her making the whole situation absurd by tearfully bringing more pairs of socks and any little things he had forgotten—causing a stir in Reigate and Redhill. He had never run away before, and he imagined trouble with hotel owners. Mrs. Aubrey Vair might send a telegram ahead. He even had a premonition of a headline in a cheap evening newspaper: “Young Lady Abducts a Minor Poet.” So there was a quiver in his voice when he asked, “Are we really going to run away?”
“As you will,” she answered, still not looking at him.
“As you wish,” she replied, still not looking at him.
“I want you to consider particularly how this will affect you. A man,” said Aubrey Vair, slowly, and staring hard at the leaves in his hand, “even gains a certain éclat in these affairs. But to a woman it is ruin—social, moral.”
“I want you to think about how this will impact you. A man,” said Aubrey Vair, taking his time and focusing intently on the leaves in his hand, “even gets a certain prestige in these situations. But for a woman, it's devastation—socially and morally.”
“This is not love,” said the girl in white.
“This isn’t love,” said the girl in white.
“Ah, my dearest! Think of yourself.”
“Ah, my dearest! Consider your own well-being.”
“Stupid!” she said, under her breath.
“Stupid!” she muttered under her breath.
“You spoke?”
"You said something?"
“Nothing.”
"Nothing."
“But cannot we go on, meeting one another, loving[236] one another, without any great scandal or misery? Could we not”—
“But can't we continue to meet each other, love[236] one another, without causing any major scandal or misery? Could we not”—
“That,” interrupted Miss Smith, “would be unspeakably horrible.”
“That,” interrupted Miss Smith, “would be absolutely terrible.”
“This is a dreadful conversation to me. Life is so intricate, such a web of subtle strands binds us this way and that. I cannot tell what is right. You must consider”—
“This is a terrible conversation for me. Life is so complicated, with such a web of subtle threads connecting us in every direction. I can't figure out what's right. You need to think about”—
“A man would break such strands.”
“A man would break such threads.”
“There is no manliness,” said Aubrey Vair, with a sudden glow of moral exaltation, “in doing wrong. My love”—
“There is no masculinity,” said Aubrey Vair, with a sudden surge of moral pride, “in doing wrong. My love”—
“We could at least die together, dearest,” she said.
“We could at least die together, my love,” she said.
“Good Lord!” said Aubrey Vair. “I mean—consider my wife.”
“Good Lord!” said Aubrey Vair. “I mean—think about my wife.”
“You have not considered her hitherto.”
“You haven't thought about her until now.”
“There is a flavour—of cowardice, of desertion, about suicide,” said Aubrey Vair. “Frankly, I have the English prejudice, and do not like any kind of running away.”
“There’s a vibe—of cowardice, of abandoning ship, about suicide,” said Aubrey Vair. “Honestly, I have that typical English bias, and I don’t like any form of running away.”
Miss Smith smiled very faintly. “I see clearly now what I did not see. My love and yours are very different things.”
Miss Smith smiled slightly. “I understand now what I didn't see before. My love and yours are two very different things.”
“Possibly it is a sexual difference,” said Aubrey Vair; and then, feeling the remark inadequate, he relapsed into silence.
“Maybe it's a difference between genders,” said Aubrey Vair; and then, feeling that his comment was insufficient, he fell silent.
They sat for some time without a word. The two lights in Reigate below multiplied to a score of bright points, and, above, one star had become visible. She began laughing, an almost noiseless, hysterical laugh that jarred unaccountably upon Aubrey Vair.
They sat in silence for a while. The two lights in Reigate below turned into a cluster of bright points, and above, one star became visible. She started laughing, an almost silent, hysterical laugh that unexpectedly unsettled Aubrey Vair.
Presently she stood up. “They will wonder where I am,” she said. “I think I must be going.”
Presently, she stood up. “They’ll wonder where I am,” she said. “I think I should be going.”
He followed her to the road. “Then this is the end?” he said, with a curious mixture of relief and poignant regret.
He followed her to the road. “So, this is it?” he said, a curious blend of relief and bittersweet regret in his voice.
“Yes, this is the end,” she answered, and turned away.
“Yes, this is the end,” she said, and turned away.
There straightway dropped into the soul of Aubrey Vair a sense of infinite loss. It was an altogether new sensation. She was perhaps twenty yards away, when he groaned aloud with the weight of it, and suddenly began running after her with his arms extended.
There immediately settled into Aubrey Vair’s soul a feeling of limitless loss. It was a completely new experience. She was maybe twenty yards away when he groaned aloud under the burden of it and suddenly started running after her with his arms outstretched.
“Annie,” he cried,—“Annie! I have been talking rot. Annie, now I know I love you! I cannot spare you. This must not be. I did not understand.”
“Annie,” he shouted, “Annie! I've been talking nonsense. Annie, now I realize I love you! I can’t lose you. This can’t happen. I didn't get it.”
The weight was horrible.
The weight was terrible.
“Oh, stop, Annie!” he cried, with a breaking voice, and there were tears on his face.
“Oh, stop, Annie!” he shouted, his voice cracking, and tears were running down his face.
She turned upon him suddenly, and his arms fell by his side. His expression changed at the sight of her pale face.
She suddenly turned to him, and his arms dropped to his sides. His expression changed when he saw her pale face.
“You do not understand,” she said. “I have said good-bye.”
“You don’t get it,” she said. “I’ve said goodbye.”
She looked at him; he was evidently greatly distressed, a little out of breath, and he had just stopped blubbering. His contemptible quality reached the pathetic. She came up close to him, and, taking his damp Byronic visage between her hands, she kissed him again and again. “Good-bye, little man that I loved,” she said; “and good-bye to this folly of love.”
She looked at him; he was clearly very upset, a bit out of breath, and he had just stopped crying. His pitiful quality bordered on being tragic. She moved in close to him and, taking his wet, brooding face in her hands, she kissed him over and over. “Goodbye, little man that I loved,” she said; “and goodbye to this foolishness of love.”
Then, with something that may have been a laugh or a sob,—she herself, when she came to write it all in her novel, did not know which,—she turned and hurried away again, and went out of the path that Aubrey Vair must pursue, at the cross-roads.
Then, with something that might have been a laugh or a cry—she herself, when she came to write it all in her novel, didn’t know which—she turned and hurried away again, leaving the path that Aubrey Vair would have to take at the crossroads.
Aubrey Vair stood, where she had kissed him, with a mind as inactive as his body, until her white dress had disappeared. Then he gave an involuntary sigh, a large exhaustive expiration, and so awoke himself, and began walking, pensively dragging his feet through the dead leaves, home. Emotions are terrible things.
Aubrey Vair stood where she had kissed him, with a mind as blank as his body until her white dress disappeared. Then he let out an involuntary sigh, a big, exhausting breath, and woke himself up, starting to walk home, dragging his feet pensively through the dead leaves. Emotions are intense things.
“Do you like the potatoes, dear?” asked Mrs. Aubrey Vair at dinner. “I cooked them myself.”
“Do you like the potatoes, honey?” asked Mrs. Aubrey Vair at dinner. “I made them myself.”
Aubrey Vair descended slowly from cloudy, impalpable meditations to the level of fried potatoes. “These potatoes”—he remarked, after a pause during which he was struggling with recollection. “Yes. These potatoes have exactly the tints of the dead leaves of the hazel.”
Aubrey Vair slowly came down from his vague, intangible thoughts to the reality of fried potatoes. “These potatoes,” he said after a moment of trying to remember, “Yeah. These potatoes have the exact colors of the dead leaves from the hazel tree.”
“What a fanciful poet it is!” said Mrs. Aubrey Vair. “Taste them. They are very nice potatoes indeed.”
“What an imaginative poet he is!” said Mrs. Aubrey Vair. “Try them. They’re really delicious potatoes.”
A CATASTROPHE
The little shop was not paying. The realisation came insensibly. Winslow was not the man for definite addition and subtraction and sudden discovery. He became aware of the truth in his mind gradually, as though it had always been there. A lot of facts had converged and led him there. There was that line of cretonnes—four half-pieces—untouched, save for half a yard sold to cover a stool. There were those shirtings at 4¾d.—Bandersnatch, in the Broadway, was selling them at 2¾d.—under cost, in fact. (Surely Bandersnatch might let a man live!) Those servants’ caps, a selling line, needed replenishing, and that brought back the memory of Winslow’s sole wholesale dealers, Helter, Skelter, & Grab. Why! how about their account?
The little shop wasn’t making any money. The realization hit him slowly. Winslow wasn’t one for calculating profits and sudden discoveries. He became aware of the reality in his head gradually, as if it had always been there. A lot of details had come together and led him to this point. There was that line of fabric—four half pieces—untouched, except for half a yard sold to cover a stool. Those shirtings priced at 4¾d.—Bandersnatch, in the Broadway, had them for 2¾d.—actually below cost. (Surely Bandersnatch could let a guy get by!) Those servants’ caps, a popular item, needed restocking, which reminded him of Winslow’s only wholesale dealers, Helter, Skelter, & Grab. Wait! What about their account?
Winslow stood with a big green box open on the counter before him when he thought of it. His pale grey eyes grew a little rounder; his pale, straggling moustache twitched. He had been drifting along, day after day. He went round to the ramshackle cash-desk in the corner—it was Winslow’s weakness to sell his goods over the counter, give his customers a duplicate bill, and then dodge into the desk to[240] receive the money, as though he doubted his own honesty. His lank forefinger, with the prominent joints, ran down the bright little calendar (“Clack’s Cottons last for All Time”). “One—two—three; three weeks an’ a day!” said Winslow, staring. “March! Only three weeks and a day. It can’t be.”
Winslow stood with a big green box open on the counter in front of him when he thought of it. His pale grey eyes widened slightly; his thin, scraggly moustache twitched. He had been going through the motions, day after day. He moved over to the rundown cash register in the corner—it was Winslow's quirk to sell his goods over the counter, give his customers a duplicate receipt, and then slip behind the register to[240] collect the money, as if he doubted his own honesty. His long forefinger, with the prominent joints, traced down the bright little calendar ("Clack’s Cottons last for All Time"). "One—two—three; three weeks and a day!" said Winslow, staring. "March! Only three weeks and a day. It can’t be."
“Tea, dear,” said Mrs. Winslow, opening the door with the glass window and the white blind that communicated with the parlour.
“Tea, dear,” said Mrs. Winslow, opening the door with the glass window and the white blind that connected to the living room.
“One minute,” said Winslow, and began unlocking the desk.
“One minute,” Winslow said, and started unlocking the desk.
An irritable old gentleman, very hot and red about the face, and in a heavy fur-lined cloak, came in noisily. Mrs. Winslow vanished.
An irritable old man, flushed and looking really hot, entered with a loud noise, wearing a heavy fur-lined coat. Mrs. Winslow disappeared.
“Ugh!” said the old gentleman. “Pocket-handkerchief.”
“Ugh!” said the old man. “Tissue.”
“Yes, sir,” said Winslow. “About what price”—
“Yes, sir,” Winslow said. “What price—”
“Ugh!” said the old gentleman. “Poggit-handkerchief, quig!”
“Ugh!” said the old man. “Poggit-handkerchief, quig!”
Winslow began to feel flustered. He produced two boxes.
Winslow started to feel flustered. He took out two boxes.
“These, sir”—began Winslow.
“These, sir,” Winslow began.
“Sheed tin!” said the old gentleman, clutching the stiffness of the linen. “Wad to blow my nose—not haggit about.”
“Sheed tin!” said the old man, gripping the stiffness of the linen. “What am I supposed to do to blow my nose—not fuss about.”
“A cotton one, p’raps, sir?” said Winslow.
“A cotton one, maybe, sir?” said Winslow.
“How much?” said the old gentleman over the handkerchief.
“How much?” asked the old man, leaning over the handkerchief.
“Sevenpence, sir. There’s nothing more I can show you? No ties, braces—?”
“Seven pence, sir. Is there nothing else I can show you? No ties, no suspenders—?”
“Damn!” said the old gentleman, fumbling in his ticket-pocket, and finally producing half a crown.[241] Winslow looked round for his little metallic duplicate-book which he kept in various fixtures, according to circumstances, and then he caught the old gentleman’s eye. He went straight to the desk at once and got the change, with an entire disregard of the routine of the shop.
“Darn it!” said the old gentleman, searching in his ticket pocket and finally pulling out half a crown.[241] Winslow glanced around for his small metal duplicate book, which he kept in different spots depending on the situation, and then met the old gentleman's gaze. He went right to the desk and got the change, completely ignoring the shop's usual routine.
Winslow was always more or less excited by a customer. But the open desk reminded him of his trouble. It did not come back to him all at once. He heard a finger-nail softly tapping on the glass, and, looking up, saw Minnie’s eyes over the blind. It seemed like retreat opening. He shut and locked the desk, and went into the little room to tea.
Winslow was always a bit excited by a customer. But the open desk reminded him of his problems. It didn't hit him all at once. He heard a fingernail softly tapping on the glass, and when he looked up, he saw Minnie's eyes peeking over the blind. It felt like an escape opening up. He shut and locked the desk, then went into the small room for tea.
But he was preoccupied. Three weeks and a day! He took unusually large bites of his bread and butter, and stared hard at the little pot of jam. He answered Minnie’s conversational advances distractedly. The shadow of Helter, Skelter, & Grab lay upon the tea-table. He was struggling with this new idea of failure, the tangible realisation, that was taking shape and substance, condensing, as it were, out of the misty uneasiness of many days. At present it was simply one concrete fact; there were thirty-nine pounds left in the bank, and that day three weeks Messrs. Helter, Skelter, & Grab, those enterprising outfitters of young men, would demand their eighty pounds.
But he was distracted. Three weeks and a day! He took big bites of his bread and butter and stared intently at the small jar of jam. He responded to Minnie’s attempts at conversation absentmindedly. The looming presence of Helter, Skelter, & Grab hung over the tea table. He was grappling with this new idea of failure, the concrete realization that was forming and solidifying out of the foggy discomfort of many days. Right now, it was just one clear fact: there were thirty-nine pounds left in the bank, and in three weeks, Messrs. Helter, Skelter, & Grab, those ambitious suppliers for young men, would demand their eighty pounds.
After tea there was a customer or so—little purchases: some muslin and buckram, dress-protectors, tape, and a pair of Lisle hose. Then, knowing that Black Care was lurking in the dusky corners of the shop, he lit the three lamps early and set to, refolding[242] his cotton prints, the most vigorous and least meditative proceeding of which he could think. He could see Minnie’s shadow in the other room as she moved about the table. She was busy turning an old dress. He had a walk after supper, looked in at the Y.M.C.A., but found no one to talk to, and finally went to bed. Minnie was already there. And there, too, waiting for him, nudging him gently, until about midnight he was hopelessly awake, sat Black Care.
After tea, there was a customer or two — small purchases: some muslin and buckram, dress protectors, tape, and a pair of Lisle stockings. Then, aware that Black Care was lurking in the dark corners of the shop, he lit the three lamps early and got to work, refolding[242] his cotton prints, the most active and least contemplative task he could think of. He could see Minnie’s shadow in the other room as she moved around the table. She was busy altering an old dress. He took a walk after dinner, stopped by the Y.M.C.A., but found no one to chat with, and eventually went to bed. Minnie was already there. And there, too, waiting for him, nudging him gently, until about midnight he was wide awake, was Black Care.
He had had one or two nights lately in that company, but this was much worse. First came Messrs. Helter, Skelter, & Grab, and their demand for eighty pounds—an enormous sum when your original capital was only a hundred and seventy. They camped, as it were, before him, sat down and beleaguered him. He clutched feebly at the circumambient darkness for expedients. Suppose he had a sale, sold things for almost anything? He tried to imagine a sale miraculously successful in some unexpected manner, and mildly profitable, in spite of reductions below cost. Then Bandersnatch Limited, 101, 102, 103, 105, 106, 107 Broadway, joined the siege, a long caterpillar of frontage, a battery of shop fronts, wherein things were sold at a farthing above cost. How could he fight such an establishment? Besides, what had he to sell? He began to review his resources. What taking line was there to bait the sale? Then straightway came those pieces of cretonne, yellow and black, with a bluish-green flower; those discredited skirtings, prints without buoyancy, skirmishing haberdashery, some despairful four-button gloves by an inferior maker—a hopeless crew. And[243] that was his force against Bandersnatch, Helter, Skelter, & Grab, and the pitiless world behind them. Whatever had made him think a mortal would buy such things? Why had he bought this and neglected that? He suddenly realised the intensity of his hatred for Helter, Skelter, & Grab’s salesman. Then he drove towards an agony of self-reproach. He had spent too much on that cash-desk. What real need was there of a desk? He saw his vanity of that desk in a lurid glow of self-discovery. And the lamps? Five pounds! Then suddenly, with what was almost physical pain, he remembered the rent.
He had spent a night or two recently in that company, but this was much worse. First came Messrs. Helter, Skelter, & Grab, demanding eighty pounds—an enormous amount when his original capital was only a hundred and seventy. They camped out in front of him, sat down, and besieged him. He grasped helplessly at the surrounding darkness for solutions. What if he held a sale, selling everything for nearly nothing? He tried to picture a sale miraculously thriving in some unexpected way, and making a small profit, even with discounts below cost. Then Bandersnatch Limited, located at 101, 102, 103, 105, 106, 107 Broadway, joined the assault, a long line of storefronts, a barrage of shops where things were sold for just a penny over cost. How could he compete with such a business? Besides, what did he have to sell? He started to take stock of his resources. What appealing items could he use to attract customers to the sale? Then he immediately thought of those pieces of yellow and black cretonne, with a bluish-green flower; those discarded skirts, lifeless prints, flimsy haberdashery, some pitiful four-button gloves from a lesser brand—a hopeless collection. And[243] that was his arsenal against Bandersnatch, Helter, Skelter, & Grab, and the unforgiving world behind them. What made him think anyone would actually buy such things? Why had he purchased this and overlooked that? He suddenly realized how deep his hatred ran for the salesman from Helter, Skelter, & Grab. Then he plunged into a painful spiral of self-blame. He had spent too much on that cash register. What real need was there for a desk? He saw the foolishness of that desk with a harsh clarity. And the lamps? Five pounds! Then suddenly, with what felt like physical pain, he remembered the rent.
He groaned and turned over. And there, dim in the darkness, was the hummock of Mrs. Winslow’s shoulders. That set him off in another direction. He became acutely sensible of Minnie’s want of feeling. Here he was, worried to death about business, and she sleeping like a little child. He regretted having married, with that infinite bitterness that only comes to the human heart in the small hours of the morning. That hummock of white seemed absolutely without helpfulness, a burden, a responsibility. What fools men were to marry! Minnie’s inert repose irritated him so much that he was almost provoked to wake her up and tell her that they were “Ruined.” She would have to go back to her uncle; her uncle had always been against him: and as for his own future, Winslow was exceedingly uncertain. A shop assistant who has once set up for himself finds the utmost difficulty in getting into a situation again. He began to figure himself “crib-hunting” again, going from this wholesale house to[244] that, writing innumerable letters. How he hated writing letters! “Sir,—Referring to your advertisement in the Christian World.” He beheld an infinite vista of discomfort and disappointment, ending—in a gulf.
He groaned and turned over. And there, dim in the darkness, was the rounded shape of Mrs. Winslow’s shoulders. That got him thinking in another direction. He became painfully aware of Minnie’s lack of concern. Here he was, completely stressed about business, and she was sleeping peacefully like a little child. He regretted getting married, with that deep bitterness that only hits the human heart in the early hours of the morning. That shape of white seemed completely unhelpful, a burden, a responsibility. What fools men were to marry! Minnie’s stillness irritated him so much that he was almost tempted to wake her up and tell her that they were “Ruined.” She would have to go back to her uncle; her uncle had always been against him: and as for his own future, Winslow was extremely uncertain. A shop assistant who has once tried to set up on his own finds it incredibly difficult to get another job. He started to imagine himself “crib-hunting” again, going from one wholesale house to[244] another, writing countless letters. How he hated writing letters! “Sir,—Referring to your advertisement in the Christian World.” He envisioned a long path of discomfort and disappointment, ending—in a void.
He dressed, yawning, and went down to open the shop. He felt tired before the day began. As he carried the shutters in, he kept asking himself what good he was doing. The end was inevitable, whether he bothered or not. The clear daylight smote into the place, and showed how old and rough and splintered was the floor, how shabby the second-hand counter, how hopeless the whole enterprise. He had been dreaming these past six months of a bright little shop, of a happy couple, of a modest but comely profit flowing in. He had suddenly awakened from his dream. The braid that bound his decent black coat—it was a little loose—caught against the catch of the shop door, and was torn loose. This suddenly turned his wretchedness to wrath. He stood quivering for a moment, then, with a spiteful clutch, tore the braid looser, and went in to Minnie.
He got dressed while yawning and went downstairs to open the shop. He felt exhausted even before the day started. As he brought in the shutters, he kept wondering what good he was really doing. The end was unavoidable, whether he put in the effort or not. The bright daylight flooded the place, revealing the old, rough, and splintered floor, the shabby second-hand counter, and the overall hopelessness of the whole venture. For the past six months, he had been dreaming of a bright little shop, a happy couple, and a modest but decent profit coming in. He had suddenly woken up from that dream. The braid on his decent black coat—it was a bit loose—caught on the door latch and ripped off. This suddenly turned his misery into anger. He stood there trembling for a moment, then, with a vengeful grip, yanked the remaining braid loose and walked in to see Minnie.
“Here,” he said, with infinite reproach; “look here! You might look after a chap a bit.”
“Here,” he said, with a lot of disappointment; “look here! You could pay a little attention to a guy.”
“I didn’t see it was torn,” said Minnie.
“I didn’t notice it was ripped,” said Minnie.
“You never do,” said Winslow, with gross injustice, “until things are too late.”
“You never do,” Winslow said unfairly, “until it's too late.”
Minnie looked suddenly at his face. “I’ll sew it now, Sid, if you like.”
Minnie suddenly glanced at his face. “I can sew it now, Sid, if you want.”
“Let’s have breakfast first,” said Winslow, “and do things at their proper time.”
“Let’s have breakfast first,” Winslow said, “and take care of things at the right time.”
He was preoccupied at breakfast, and Minnie[245] watched him anxiously. His only remark was to declare his egg a bad one. It wasn’t; it was a little flavoury,—being one of those at fifteen a shilling,—but quite nice. He pushed it away from him, and then, having eaten a slice of bread and butter, admitted himself in the wrong by resuming the egg.
He was lost in thought at breakfast, and Minnie[245] watched him nervously. His only comment was to say his egg was bad. It wasn't; it had a bit of flavor—being one of those that cost fifteen pence for a shilling—but it was actually quite good. He pushed it away from him, then, after eating a slice of bread and butter, he acknowledged he was wrong by going back to the egg.
“Sid,” said Minnie, as he stood up to go into the shop again, “you’re not well.”
“Sid,” Minnie said as he stood up to go back into the shop, “you’re not feeling well.”
“I’m well enough.” He looked at her as though he hated her.
“I’m fine.” He stared at her with a look of pure hatred.
“Then there’s something else the matter. You aren’t angry with me, Sid, are you, about that braid? Do tell me what’s the matter. You were just like this at tea yesterday, and at supper-time. It wasn’t the braid then.”
“Then there’s something else going on. You’re not mad at me, are you, Sid, about that braid? Do let me know what’s wrong. You were acting like this at tea yesterday and at dinner. It wasn’t the braid then.”
“And I’m likely to be.”
"And I'll probably be."
She looked interrogation. “Oh, what is the matter?” she said.
She looked curious. “Oh, what is wrong?” she said.
It was too good a chance to miss, and he brought the evil news out with dramatic force. “Matter?” he said. “I done my best, and here we are. That’s the matter! If I can’t pay Helter, Skelter & Grab eighty pounds, this day three week”—Pause. “We shall be sold up! Sold up! That’s the matter, Min! Sold up!”
It was too good of an opportunity to pass up, and he delivered the bad news with dramatic flair. “What’s going on?” he said. “I did my best, and here we are. That’s what’s going on! If I can’t pay Helter, Skelter & Grab eighty pounds in three weeks”—Pause. “We’ll be sold off! Sold off! That’s what’s going on, Min! Sold!”
“Oh, Sid!” began Minnie.
“Oh, Sid!” Minnie started.
He slammed the door. For the moment he felt relieved of at least half his misery. He began dusting boxes that did not require dusting, and then reblocked a cretonne already faultlessly blocked. He was in a state of grim wretchedness; a martyr under the harrow of fate. At anyrate, it should not[246] be said he failed for want of industry. And how he had planned and contrived and worked! All to this end! He felt horrible doubts. Providence and Bandersnatch—surely they were incompatible! Perhaps he was being “tried”? That sent him off upon a new tack, a very comforting one. That martyr pose, the gold-in-the-furnace attitude, lasted all the morning.
He slammed the door. For a moment, he felt relieved of at least half his misery. He started dusting boxes that didn’t need it and then rearranged a fabric that was already perfectly arranged. He was in a state of grim distress; a martyr under the burden of fate. At any rate, it shouldn't[246] be said he wasn’t working hard enough. And how he had planned and schemed and worked! All for this! He felt horrible doubts. Providence and Bandersnatch—surely they couldn’t exist together! Maybe he was being “tested”? That thought sent him in a new direction, a very comforting one. That martyr vibe, the gold-in-the-furnace attitude, lasted all morning.
At dinner—“potato pie”—he looked up suddenly, and saw Minnie’s face regarding him. Pale she looked, and a little red about the eyes. Something caught him suddenly with a queer effect upon his throat. All his thoughts seemed to wheel round into quite a new direction.
At dinner—“potato pie”—he suddenly looked up and saw Minnie’s face watching him. She looked pale and had a slight redness around her eyes. Something hit him unexpectedly, causing a strange feeling in his throat. All his thoughts seemed to shift into a completely new direction.
He pushed back his plate and stared at her blankly. Then he got up, went round the table to her—she staring at him. He dropped on his knees beside her without a word. “Oh, Minnie!” he said, and suddenly she knew it was peace, and put her arms about him, as he began to sob and weep.
He pushed his plate aside and looked at her blankly. Then he stood up, walked around the table to her—she was staring at him. He knelt down beside her without saying anything. “Oh, Minnie!” he said, and suddenly she realized it was a moment of peace, and wrapped her arms around him as he started to cry.
He cried like a little boy, slobbering on her shoulder that he was a knave to have married her and brought her to this, that he hadn’t the wits to be trusted with a penny, that it was all his fault, that he “had hoped so”—ending in a howl. And she, crying gently herself, patting his shoulders, said “Ssh!” softly to his noisy weeping, and so soothed the outbreak. Then suddenly the crazy little bell upon the shop door began, and Winslow had to jump to his feet, and be a man again.
He cried like a little boy, drooling on her shoulder, saying he was a fool for having married her and bringing her to this mess, that he wasn't smart enough to be trusted with a penny, that it was all his fault, that he “had hoped so”—ending with a wail. And she, gently crying herself, patted his shoulders, softly saying “Ssh!” to quiet his loud sobbing, and calmed him down. Then suddenly, the crazy little bell on the shop door rang, and Winslow had to jump up and be a man again.
After that scene they “talked it over” at tea, at supper, in bed, at every possible interval in between,[247] solemnly—quite inconclusively—with set faces and eyes for the most part staring in front of them—and yet with a certain mutual comfort. “What to do I don’t know,” was Winslow’s main proposition. Minnie tried to take a cheerful view of service—with a probable baby. But she found she needed all her courage. And her uncle would help her again, perhaps, just at the critical time. It didn’t do for folks to be too proud. Besides, “something might happen,” a favourite formula with her.
After that scene, they “talked it over” during tea, at supper, in bed, and every chance they got in between,[247] seriously—yet without any real conclusions—wearing serious expressions and mostly staring ahead of them—still finding some comfort in each other's company. “I don’t know what to do,” was Winslow’s main point. Minnie tried to stay positive about the idea of service—with a likely baby on the way. But she realized she needed all her courage. And her uncle might come through for her again, possibly right when she needed it most. It wasn’t wise for people to be too proud. Besides, “something might happen,” was one of her favorite sayings.
One hopeful line was to anticipate a sudden afflux of customers. “Perhaps,” said Minnie, “you might get together fifty. They know you well enough to trust you a bit.” They debated that point. Once the possibility of Helter, Skelter and Grab giving credit was admitted, it was pleasant to begin sweating the acceptable minimum. For some half-hour over tea the second day after Winslow’s discoveries they were quite cheerful again, laughing even at their terrific fears. Even twenty pounds to go on with might be considered enough. Then in some mysterious way the pleasant prospect of Messrs. Helter, Skelter, & Grab tempering the wind to the shorn retailer vanished—vanished absolutely, and Winslow found himself again in the pit of despair.
One optimistic thought was that there might be a sudden influx of customers. “Maybe,” Minnie said, “you could gather together fifty. They know you well enough to trust you a little.” They discussed that idea. Once they accepted the possibility of Helter, Skelter, and Grab extending credit, it felt good to start calculating the bare minimum they could work with. For about half an hour over tea on the second day after Winslow’s discoveries, they were quite cheerful again, even laughing at their intense fears. Even twenty pounds to start with could be seen as sufficient. Then, in some inexplicable way, the nice idea of Messrs. Helter, Skelter, & Grab easing the burden for the struggling retailer completely disappeared—vanished completely, and Winslow found himself back in the depths of despair.
He began looking about at the furniture, and wondering idly what it would fetch. The chiffonier was good, anyhow, and there were Minnie’s old plates that her mother used to have. Then he began to think of desperate expedients for putting off the evil day. He had heard somewhere of Bills[248] of Sale—there was to his ears something comfortingly substantial in the phrase. Then, why not “Go to the Money-Lenders”?
He started to glance around at the furniture, casually thinking about how much it might sell for. The dresser was nice, at least, and there were Minnie’s old plates that her mom used to own. Then he began to come up with desperate ideas to delay the inevitable. He had heard about Bills[248] of Sale—there was something reassuringly solid about that phrase. So, why not “Go to the Money-Lenders”?
One cheering thing happened on Thursday afternoon; a little girl came in with a pattern of “print,” and he was able to match it. He had not been able to match anything out of his meagre stock before. He went in and told Minnie. The incident is mentioned lest the reader should imagine it was uniform despair with him.
One positive thing happened on Thursday afternoon; a little girl came in with a “print” pattern, and he was able to match it. He hadn’t been able to match anything from his limited stock before. He went in and told Minnie. This incident is mentioned so the reader doesn't think he was constantly in despair.
The next morning, and the next, after the discovery, Winslow opened shop late. When one has been awake most of the night, and has no hope, what is the good of getting up punctually? But as he went into the dark shop on Friday he saw something lying on the floor, something lit by the bright light that came under the ill-fitting door—a black oblong. He stooped and picked up an envelope with a deep mourning edge. It was addressed to his wife. Clearly a death in her family—perhaps her uncle. He knew the man too well to have expectations. And they would have to get mourning and go to the funeral. The brutal cruelty of people dying! He saw it all in a flash—he always visualised his thoughts. Black trousers to get, black crape, black gloves—none in stock—the railway fares, the shop closed for the day.
The next morning, and the morning after that, after the discovery, Winslow opened his shop late. When you’ve been awake most of the night and have no hope, what’s the point of getting up on time? But as he walked into the dark shop on Friday, he noticed something on the floor, illuminated by the bright light coming from under the ill-fitting door—a black rectangular object. He bent down and picked up an envelope with a deep mourning border. It was addressed to his wife. Clearly, there was a death in her family—maybe her uncle. He knew the man too well to have any expectations. They would have to get mourning clothes and go to the funeral. The harsh reality of people dying! He saw it all in an instant—he always pictured his thoughts. Black trousers to buy, black fabric, black gloves—none in stock—the train tickets, the shop closed for the day.
“I’m afraid there’s bad news, Minnie,” he said.
“I’m afraid there’s some bad news, Minnie,” he said.
She was kneeling before the fireplace, blowing the fire. She had her housemaid’s gloves on and the old country sun-bonnet she wore of a morning, to keep the dust out of her hair. She turned, saw the[249] envelope, gave a gasp, and pressed two bloodless lips together.
She was kneeling in front of the fireplace, stoking the flames. She had on her maid’s gloves and the old sun bonnet she usually wore in the morning to keep the dust out of her hair. She turned, saw the [249] envelope, gasped, and pressed her pale lips together.
“I’m afraid it’s uncle,” she said, holding the letter and staring with eyes wide open into Winslow’s face. “It’s a strange hand!”
“I’m afraid it’s uncle,” she said, holding the letter and staring with wide eyes into Winslow’s face. “It’s a strange handwriting!”
“The postmark’s Hull,” said Winslow.
“The postmark's from Hull,” said Winslow.
“The postmark’s Hull.”
"The postmark is Hull."
Minnie opened the letter slowly, drew it out, hesitated, turned it over, saw the signature. “It’s Mr. Speight!”
Minnie opened the letter slowly, pulled it out, hesitated, flipped it over, and saw the signature. “It’s Mr. Speight!”
“What does he say?” said Winslow.
“What does he say?” Winslow asked.
Minnie began to read. “Oh!” she screamed. She dropped the letter, collapsed into a crouching heap, her hands covering her eyes. Winslow snatched at it. “A most terrible accident has occurred,” he read; “Melchior’s chimney fell down yesterday evening right on the top of your uncle’s house, and every living soul was killed—your uncle, your cousin Mary, Will and Ned, and the girl—every one of them, and smashed—you would hardly know them. I’m writing to you to break the news before you see it in the papers”—The letter fluttered from Winslow’s fingers. He put out his hand against the mantel to steady himself.
Minnie started to read. “Oh!” she screamed. She dropped the letter and sank down into a crouch, her hands over her eyes. Winslow reached for it. “A terrible accident has happened,” he read; “Melchior’s chimney fell down last night right on top of your uncle’s house, and everyone was killed—your uncle, your cousin Mary, Will and Ned, and the girl—every single one of them, and they were crushed—you wouldn’t even recognize them. I’m writing to tell you this before you see it in the papers”—The letter slipped from Winslow’s fingers. He put his hand on the mantel to steady himself.
All of them dead! Then he saw, as in a vision, a row of seven cottages, each let at seven shillings a week, a timber yard, two villas, and the ruins—still marketable—of the avuncular residence. He tried to feel a sense of loss and could not. They were sure to have been left to Minnie’s aunt. All dead! 7×7×52÷20 began insensibly to work itself out in his mind, but discipline was ever weak in his mental[250] arithmetic; figures kept moving from one line to another, like children playing at Widdy, Widdy Way. Was it two hundred pounds about—or one hundred pounds? Presently he picked up the letter again, and finishing reading it. “You being the next of kin,” said Mr. Speight.
All of them are dead! Then he saw, as if in a vision, a line of seven cottages, each rented for seven shillings a week, a timber yard, two villas, and the still-marketable ruins of the uncle's house. He tried to feel a sense of loss but couldn't. They were probably left to Minnie’s aunt. All dead! 7×7×52÷20 started to work itself out in his mind, but he was always bad at mental arithmetic; the numbers kept shifting from one line to another, like kids playing Widdy, Widdy Way. Was it about two hundred pounds—or one hundred? Soon, he picked up the letter again and finished reading it. “You being the next of kin,” said Mr. Speight.
“How awful!” said Minnie in a horror-struck whisper, and looking up at last. Winslow stared back at her, shaking his head solemnly. There were a thousand things running through his mind, but none that, even to his dull sense, seemed appropriate as a remark. “It was the Lord’s will,” he said at last.
“How awful!” Minnie said in a shocked whisper, finally looking up. Winslow stared back at her, shaking his head seriously. A thousand thoughts raced through his mind, but none seemed right to say, even to his dull sense. “It was the Lord’s will,” he finally said.
“It seems so very, very terrible,” said Minnie; “auntie, dear auntie—Ted—poor, dear uncle”—
“It feels so awful,” said Minnie; “auntie, dear auntie—Ted—poor, dear uncle—”
“It was the Lord’s will, Minnie,” said Winslow, with infinite feeling. A long silence.
“It was the Lord’s will, Minnie,” Winslow said, deeply emotional. A long silence.
“Yes,” said Minnie, very slowly, staring thoughtfully at the crackling black paper in the grate. The fire had gone out. “Yes, perhaps it was the Lord’s will.”
“Yes,” Minnie said slowly, staring thoughtfully at the crackling black paper in the fireplace. The fire had gone out. “Yes, maybe it was the Lord’s will.”
They looked gravely at one another. Each would have been terribly shocked at any mention of the property by the other. She turned to the dark fireplace and began tearing up an old newspaper slowly. Whatever our losses may be, the world’s work still waits for us. Winslow gave a deep sigh and walked in a hushed manner towards the front door. As he opened it, a flood of sunlight came streaming into the dark shadows of the closed shop. Bandersnatch, Helter, Skelter, & Grab, had vanished out of his mind like the mists before the rising sun.
They looked seriously at each other. Each would have been really shocked if the other mentioned the property. She turned to the dark fireplace and started slowly ripping up an old newspaper. No matter what our losses are, the world’s work still awaits us. Winslow let out a deep sigh and walked quietly towards the front door. As he opened it, a wave of sunlight poured into the dark corners of the closed shop. Bandersnatch, Helter, Skelter, & Grab had disappeared from his mind like the fog before the rising sun.
Presently he was carrying in the shutters, and in the briskest way, the fire in the kitchen was crackling exhilaratingly, with a little saucepan walloping above it, for Minnie was boiling two eggs,—one for herself this morning, as well as one for him,—and Minnie herself was audible, laying breakfast with the greatest éclat. The blow was a sudden and terrible one—but it behoves us to face such things bravely in this sad, unaccountable world. It was quite midday before either of them mentioned the cottages.
Right now, he was bringing in the shutters, and in the liveliest way, the fire in the kitchen was crackling happily, with a small saucepan banging above it, as Minnie was boiling two eggs—one for herself this morning and one for him—and Minnie was clearly busy, setting the table for breakfast with great flair. The blow was unexpected and awful—but we must confront such things bravely in this sad, unpredictable world. It wasn’t until midday that either of them brought up the cottages.
THE LOST INHERITANCE
“My uncle,” said the man with the glass eye, “was what you might call a hemi-semi-demi millionaire. He was worth about a hundred and twenty thousand. Quite. And he left me all his money.”
"My" uncle,” said the man with the glass eye, “was what you might call a half-millionaire. He was worth about a hundred and twenty thousand. Absolutely. And he left me all his money.”
I glanced at the shiny sleeve of his coat, and my eye travelled up to the frayed collar.
I looked at the shiny sleeve of his coat, and my gaze moved up to the worn collar.
“Every penny,” said the man with the glass eye, and I caught the active pupil looking at me with a touch of offence.
“Every penny,” said the man with the glass eye, and I noticed the moving pupil staring at me with a hint of offense.
“I’ve never had any windfalls like that,” I said, trying to speak enviously and propitiate him.
“I’ve never had any luck like that,” I said, trying to sound envious and win him over.
“Even a legacy isn’t always a blessing,” he remarked with a sigh, and with an air of philosophical resignation he put the red nose and the wiry moustache into his tankard for a space.
“Even a legacy isn’t always a blessing,” he said with a sigh, and with an air of philosophical resignation, he dipped the red nose and the wiry mustache into his tankard for a moment.
“Perhaps not,” I said.
"Maybe not," I said.
“He was an author, you see, and he wrote a lot of books.”
“He was a writer, you know, and he wrote a lot of books.”
“Indeed!”
“Definitely!”
“That was the trouble of it all.” He stared at me[253] with the available eye to see if I grasped his statement, then averted his face a little and produced a toothpick.
“That's what the whole issue was.” He looked at me[253] with one eye to check if I understood his point, then turned his face slightly and took out a toothpick.
“You see,” he said, smacking his lips after a pause, “it was like this. He was my uncle—my maternal uncle. And he had—what shall I call it?—a weakness for writing edifying literature. Weakness is hardly the word—downright mania is nearer the mark. He’d been librarian in a Polytechnic, and as soon as the money came to him he began to indulge his ambition. It’s a simply extraordinary and incomprehensible thing to me. Here was a man of thirty-seven suddenly dropped into a perfect pile of gold, and he didn’t go—not a day’s bust on it. One would think a chap would go and get himself dressed a bit decent—say a couple of dozen pairs of trousers at a West End tailor’s; but he never did. You’d hardly believe it, but when he died he hadn’t even a gold watch. It seems wrong for people like that to have money. All he did was just to take a house, and order in pretty nearly five tons of books and ink and paper, and set to writing edifying literature as hard as ever he could write. I can’t understand it! But he did. The money came to him, curiously enough, through a maternal uncle of his, unexpected like, when he was seven-and-thirty. My mother, it happened, was his only relation in the wide, wide world, except some second cousins of his. And I was her only son. You follow all that? The second cousins had one only son, too, but they brought him to see the old man too soon. He was rather a spoilt youngster, was this son of theirs, and directly he[254] set eyes on my uncle, he began bawling out as hard as he could. ‘Take ’im away—er,’ he says, ‘take ’im away,’ and so did for himself entirely. It was pretty straight sailing, you’d think, for me, eh? And my mother, being a sensible, careful woman, settled the business in her own mind long before he did.
“You see,” he said, smacking his lips after a pause, “it was like this. He was my uncle—my maternal uncle. And he had—what should I call it?—a weakness for writing uplifting literature. Weakness is hardly the right word—downright obsession is closer to the truth. He’d been a librarian at a Polytechnic, and as soon as he got some money, he started to pursue his ambition. It’s absolutely extraordinary and incomprehensible to me. Here was a man of thirty-seven suddenly sitting on a huge amount of money, and he didn’t go out and blow it—not even for a day. You’d think a guy would get himself dressed a bit nicer—maybe buy a couple of dozen pairs of pants from a West End tailor; but he never did. You wouldn’t believe it, but when he died, he didn’t even own a gold watch. It seems wrong for people like that to have money. All he did was take a house, order in almost five tons of books, ink, and paper, and start writing uplifting literature as hard as he could. I can’t understand it! But he did. He got the money, oddly enough, from a maternal uncle of his, unexpectedly, when he was thirty-seven. My mother happened to be his only relation in the wide, wide world, aside from some of his second cousins. And I was her only son. You following all this? The second cousins had one only son, too, but they brought him to see the old man too early. He was kind of a spoiled brat, this son of theirs, and as soon as he [254] laid eyes on my uncle, he started crying as loud as he could. ‘Take him away—er,’ he says, ‘take him away,’ and that was that for him. It seemed pretty straightforward sailing for me, right? And my mother, being a sensible, careful woman, settled the whole thing in her mind long before he did.
“He was a curious little chap, was my uncle, as I remember him. I don’t wonder at the kid being scared. Hair, just like these Japanese dolls they sell, black and straight and stiff all round the brim and none in the middle, and below, a whitish kind of face and rather large dark grey eyes moving about behind his spectacles. He used to attach a great deal of importance to dress, and always wore a flapping overcoat and a big-brimmed felt hat of a most extraordinary size. He looked a rummy little beggar, I can tell you. Indoors it was, as a rule, a dirty red flannel dressing-gown and a black skull-cap he had. That black skull-cap made him look like the portraits of all kinds of celebrated people. He was always moving about from house to house, was my uncle, with his chair which had belonged to Savage Landor, and his two writing-tables, one of Carlyle’s and the other of Shelley’s, so the dealer told him, and the completest portable reference library in England, he said he had—and he lugged the whole caravan, now to a house at Down, near Darwin’s old place, then to Reigate, near Meredith, then off to Haslemere, then back to Chelsea for a bit, and then up to Hampstead. He knew there was something wrong with his stuff, but he never knew[255] there was anything wrong with his brains. It was always the air, or the water, or the altitude, or some tommy-rot like that. ‘So much depends on environment,’ he used to say, and stare at you hard, as if he half suspected you were hiding a grin at him somewhere under your face. ‘So much depends on environment to a sensitive mind like mine.’
“He was a curious little guy, my uncle, as I remember him. I can understand why the kid was scared. He had hair just like those Japanese dolls they sell, black, straight, and stiff all around the edges with none in the middle, and below that, a pale kind of face with rather large dark gray eyes that moved around behind his glasses. He put a lot of importance on how he dressed, always wearing a flapping overcoat and a huge felt hat that was an extraordinary size. He looked quite strange, I can tell you. Indoors, he usually wore a dirty red flannel dressing gown and a black skullcap. That skullcap made him look like the portraits of various famous people. He was always moving from house to house with his chair that used to belong to Savage Landor, and his two writing tables, one supposedly from Carlyle and the other from Shelley, according to the dealer, and he claimed to have the most complete portable reference library in England—and he dragged the whole set-up from one place to another, first to a house at Down, near Darwin’s old spot, then to Reigate, near Meredith, then off to Haslemere, back to Chelsea for a while, and then up to Hampstead. He knew something was off with his belongings, but he never realized there was anything wrong with his mind. It was always about the air, or the water, or the altitude, or some nonsense like that. ‘So much depends on environment,’ he would say, staring at you intently, as if he half-suspected you were trying to hide a grin. ‘So much depends on environment for a sensitive mind like mine.’”
“What was his name? You wouldn’t know it if I told you. He wrote nothing that anyone has ever read—nothing. No one could read it. He wanted to be a great teacher, he said, and he didn’t know what he wanted to teach any more than a child. So he just blethered at large about Truth and Righteousness, and the Spirit of History, and all that. Book after book he wrote and published at his own expense. He wasn’t quite right in his head, you know, really; and to hear him go on at the critics—not because they slated him, mind you—he liked that—but because they didn’t take any notice of him at all. ‘What do the nations want?’ he would ask, holding out his brown old claw. ‘Why, teaching—guidance! They are scattered upon the hills like sheep without a shepherd. There is War and Rumours of War, the unlaid Spirit of Discord abroad in the land, Nihilism, Vivisection, Vaccination, Drunkenness, Penury, Want, Socialistic Error, Selfish Capital! Do you see the clouds, Ted?’—My name, you know—‘Do you see the clouds lowering over the land? and behind it all—the Mongol waits!’ He was always very great on Mongols[256] and the Spectre of Socialism, and such-like things.
“What was his name? You wouldn’t know it if I told you. He wrote nothing that anyone has ever read—nothing. No one could read it. He wanted to be a great teacher, he said, but he didn’t know what he wanted to teach any more than a child. So he just rambled on about Truth and Righteousness, and the Spirit of History, and all that. He wrote and published book after book at his own expense. He wasn’t quite right in the head, you know, really; and to hear him go on at the critics—not because they panned him, mind you—he liked that—but because they didn’t pay any attention to him at all. ‘What do the nations want?’ he would ask, holding out his old, gnarled hand. ‘Why, teaching—guidance! They are scattered upon the hills like sheep without a shepherd. There is War and Rumors of War, the restless Spirit of Discord roaming the land, Nihilism, Vivisection, Vaccination, Drunkenness, Poverty, Need, Socialistic Error, Selfish Capital! Do you see the clouds, Ted?’—My name, you know—‘Do you see the clouds gathering over the land? And behind it all—the Mongol waits!’ He was always very passionate about Mongols[256] and the threat of Socialism, and similar topics.
“Then out would come his finger at me, and with his eyes all afire and his skull-cap askew, he would whisper: ‘And here am I. What do I want? Nations to teach. Nations! I say it with all modesty, Ted, I could. I would guide them; nay! but I will guide them to a safe haven, to the land of Righteousness, flowing with milk and honey.’
“Then his finger would point at me, and with his eyes blazing and his cap crooked, he would whisper: ‘And here I am. What do I want? Nations to teach. Nations! I say this with all humility, Ted, I could. I would lead them; no! but I will lead them to a safe haven, to the land of Righteousness, flowing with milk and honey.’”
“That’s how he used to go on. Ramble, rave about the nations, and righteousness, and that kind of thing. Kind of mincemeat of Bible and blethers. From fourteen up to three-and-twenty, when I might have been improving my mind, my mother used to wash me and brush my hair (at least in the earlier years of it), with a nice parting down the middle, and take me, once or twice a week, to hear this old lunatic jabber about things he had read of in the morning papers, trying to do it as much like Carlyle as he could, and I used to sit according to instructions, and look intelligent and nice, and pretend to be taking it all in. Afterwards I used to go of my own free will, out of a regard for the legacy. I was the only person that used to go and see him. He wrote, I believe, to every man who made the slightest stir in the world, sending him a copy or so of his books, and inviting him to come and talk about the nations to him; but half of them didn’t answer, and none ever came. And when the girl let you in—she was an artful bit of goods, that girl—there were heaps of letters on the hall-seat waiting to go off, addressed[257] to Prince Bismark, the President of the United States, and such-like people. And one went up the staircase and along the cobwebby passage,—the housekeeper drank like fury, and his passages were always cobwebby,—and found him at last, with books turned down all over the room, and heaps of torn paper on the floor, and telegrams and newspapers littered about, and empty coffee-cups and half-eaten bits of toast on the desk and the mantel. You’d see his back humped up, and his hair would be sticking out quite straight between the collar of that dressing-gown thing and the edge of the skull-cap.
“That’s how he used to go on. Ramble, rave about the nations, and righteousness, and that kind of thing. A mix of the Bible and nonsense. From the age of fourteen to twenty-three, when I could have been bettering myself, my mom would wash me and fix my hair (at least in the earlier years), with a nice part down the middle, and take me, once or twice a week, to hear this old nut talk about stuff he read in the morning papers, trying to sound as much like Carlyle as possible, and I would sit as instructed, look smart and nice, and pretend to be absorbing it all. Afterwards, I would go on my own accord, out of respect for the inheritance. I was the only person who would go see him. I believe he wrote to every person who made even the slightest stir in the world, sending them a copy or two of his books, inviting them to come and chat about the nations; but half of them didn’t reply, and none ever showed up. And when the girl let you in—she was a sly one, that girl—there were piles of letters on the hall seat waiting to go out, addressed to Prince Bismarck, the President of the United States, and other such people. And you would go up the staircase and along the cobweb-covered hallway—his housekeeper drank heavily, and the hallways were always cobwebby—and finally find him, with books flipped over all around the room, heaps of torn paper on the floor, telegrams and newspapers scattered everywhere, and empty coffee cups and half-eaten pieces of toast on the desk and mantel. You’d see his back hunched up, and his hair sticking out straight between the collar of that dressing gown and the edge of the skullcap.”
“‘A moment!’ he would say. ‘A moment!’ over his shoulder. ‘The mot juste, you know, Ted, le mot juste. Righteous thought righteously expressed—Aah!—concatenation. And now, Ted,’ he’d say, spinning round in his study chair, ‘how’s Young England?’ That was his silly name for me.
“‘Just a moment!’ he would say. ‘Just a moment!’ looking back over his shoulder. ‘The mot juste, you know, Ted, le mot juste. Righteous thought righteously expressed—Aah!—connection. And now, Ted,’ he’d say, spinning around in his study chair, ‘how’s Young England?’ That was his silly name for me.
“Well, that was my uncle, and that was how he talked—to me, at anyrate. With others about he seemed a bit shy. And he not only talked to me, but he gave me his books, books of six hundred pages or so, with cock-eyed headings, ‘The Shrieking Sisterhood,’ ‘The Behemoth of Bigotry,’ ‘Crucibles and Cullenders,’ and so on. All very strong, and none of them original. The very last time but one that I saw him he gave me a book. He was feeling ill even then, and his hand shook and he was despondent. I noticed it because I was naturally on the look-out for those little symptoms. ‘My last book, Ted,’ he said. ‘My last book, my boy; my last word to the deaf and hardened nations;’ and I’m hanged if a[258] tear didn’t go rolling down his yellow old cheek. He was regular crying because it was so nearly over, and he hadn’t only written about fifty-three books of rubbish. ‘I’ve sometimes thought, Ted’—he said, and stopped.
“Well, that was my uncle, and that was how he talked—to me, at least. When he was with others, he seemed a bit shy. He not only talked to me, but he also gave me his books, which had around six hundred pages each, with quirky titles like ‘The Shrieking Sisterhood,’ ‘The Behemoth of Bigotry,’ ‘Crucibles and Cullenders,’ and so on. All very intense, and none of them original. The second-to-last time I saw him, he gave me a book. He was already feeling ill then, and his hand shook as he spoke, and he seemed really down. I noticed it because I was naturally on the lookout for those little signs. ‘My last book, Ted,’ he said. ‘My last book, my boy; my final word to the deaf and hardened nations;’ and I’m not kidding, a[258] tear rolled down his yellow old cheek. He was actually crying because it was almost over, and he hadn’t just written about fifty-three books of nonsense. ‘I’ve sometimes thought, Ted’—he said, and then he stopped.
“‘Perhaps I’ve been a bit hasty and angry with this stiff-necked generation. A little more sweetness, perhaps, and a little less blinding light. I’ve sometimes thought—I might have swayed them. But I’ve done my best, Ted.’
“‘Maybe I’ve been a bit quick to judge and too harsh with this stubborn generation. A little more kindness, perhaps, and a little less overwhelming brightness. I’ve sometimes wondered—I could have influenced them. But I’ve done my best, Ted.’”
“And then, with a burst, for the first and last time in his life he owned himself a failure. It showed he was really ill. He seemed to think for a minute, and then he spoke quietly and low, as sane and sober as I am now. ‘I’ve been a fool, Ted,’ he said. ‘I’ve been flapping nonsense all my life. Only He who readeth the heart knows whether this is anything more than vanity. Ted, I don’t. But He knows, He knows, and if I have done foolishly and vainly, in my heart—in my heart’—
“And then, all of a sudden, for the first and last time in his life, he realized he was a failure. It was clear he was really unwell. He paused for a moment, and then he spoke softly and quietly, as sane and sober as I am now. ‘I’ve been a fool, Ted,’ he said. ‘I’ve been spouting nonsense my whole life. Only He who understands the heart knows if this is anything more than vanity. Ted, I don’t. But He knows, He knows, and if I have acted foolishly and vainly, in my heart—in my heart’—”
“Just like that he spoke, repeating himself, and he stopped quite short and handed the book to me, trembling. Then the old shine came back into his eye. I remember it all fairly well, because I repeated it and acted it to my old mother when I got home, to cheer her up a bit. ‘Take this book and read it,’ he said. ‘It’s my last word, my very last word. I’ve left all my property to you, Ted, and may you use it better than I have done.’ And then he fell a-coughing.
“Just like that, he spoke, repeating himself, and he suddenly stopped and handed the book to me, shaking. Then the old spark returned to his eye. I remember it all pretty clearly because I acted it out for my mom when I got home to cheer her up a bit. ‘Take this book and read it,’ he said. ‘It’s my final word, my very last word. I’ve left all my belongings to you, Ted, and I hope you use them better than I have.’ And then he started coughing.”
“I remember that quite well even now, and how I went home cock-a-hoop, and how he was in bed the[259] next time I called. The housekeeper was downstairs drunk, and I fooled about—as a young man will—with the girl in the passage before I went to him. He was sinking fast. But even then his vanity clung to him.
“I remember that very well even now, and how I went home feeling on top of the world, and how he was in bed the[259] next time I visited. The housekeeper was downstairs drunk, and I messed around—as a young man does—with the girl in the hallway before I went to see him. He was going downhill quickly. But even then, his vanity held on to him.
“‘Have you read it?’ he whispered.
“‘Have you read it?’ he whispered.
“‘Sat up all night reading it,’ I said in his ear to cheer him. ‘It’s the last,’ said I, and then, with a memory of some poetry or other in my head, ‘but it’s the bravest and best.’
“‘I stayed up all night reading it,’ I whispered in his ear to lift his spirits. ‘It’s the last one,’ I added, and then, recalling some poem or another in my mind, ‘but it’s the bravest and best.’”
“He smiled a little and tried to squeeze my hand as a woman might do, and left off squeezing in the middle, and lay still. ‘The bravest and the best,’ said I again, seeing it pleased him. But he didn’t answer. I heard the girl giggle outside the door, for occasionally we’d had just a bit of innocent laughter, you know, at his ways. I looked at his face, and his eyes were closed, and it was just as if somebody had punched in his nose on either side. But he was still smiling. It’s queer to think of—he lay dead, lay dead there, an utter failure, with the smile of success on his face.
“He smiled slightly and tried to hold my hand like a woman might, but then he stopped squeezing midway and lay still. ‘The bravest and the best,’ I said again, noticing it made him happy. But he didn’t respond. I heard the girl giggling outside the door; sometimes, we shared a bit of innocent laughter about his quirks. I looked at his face, his eyes closed, and it looked like someone had smacked his nose on both sides. Yet he was still smiling. It’s strange to think about—he lay there dead, completely unsuccessful, with the smile of success on his face.
“That was the end of my uncle. You can imagine me and my mother saw that he had a decent funeral. Then, of course, came the hunt for the will. We began decent and respectful at first, and before the day was out we were ripping chairs, and smashing bureau panels, and sounding walls. Every hour we expected those others to come in. We asked the housekeeper, and found she’d actually witnessed a will—on an ordinary half-sheet of notepaper it was written, and very short, she said—not a month ago.[260] The other witness was the gardener, and he bore her out word for word. But I’m hanged if there was that or any other will to be found. The way my mother talked must have made him turn in his grave. At last a lawyer at Reigate sprang one on us that had been made years ago during some temporary quarrel with my mother. I’m blest if that wasn’t the only will to be discovered anywhere, and it left every penny he possessed to that ‘Take ’im away’ youngster of his second cousin’s—a chap who’d never had to stand his talking not for one afternoon of his life.”
“That was the end of my uncle. You can imagine my mother and I made sure he had a decent funeral. Then, of course, the search for the will began. We started off respectful, but by the end of the day, we were tearing apart chairs, smashing drawer panels, and tapping on walls. Every hour, we expected those other people to come in. We asked the housekeeper, and she revealed she had actually seen a will—written on a regular half-sheet of notepaper, and very short, she said—less than a month ago.[260] The other witness was the gardener, and he confirmed her story word for word. But I swear, there was no will to be found. The way my mother talked must have made him turn in his grave. Eventually, a lawyer in Reigate pulled out one that had been made years ago during some temporary fight with my mother. I'm telling you, that was the only will we found anywhere, and it left every penny he had to that ‘Take ’im away’ kid of his second cousin—a guy who’d never had to endure his chatter for even one afternoon of his life.”
The man with the glass eye stopped.
The guy with the glass eye stopped.
“I thought you said”—I began.
“I thought you said”—I started.
“Half a minute,” said the man with the glass eye. “I had to wait for the end of the story till this very morning, and I was a blessed sight more interested than you are. You just wait a bit too. They executed the will, and the other chap inherited, and directly he was one-and-twenty he began to blew it. How he did blew it, to be sure! He bet, he drank, he got in the papers for this and that. I tell you, it makes me wriggle to think of the times he had. He blewed every ha’penny of it before he was thirty, and the last I heard of him was—Holloway! Three years ago.
“Give it half a minute,” said the man with the glass eye. “I had to wait until this very morning to hear the end of the story, and I was a lot more interested than you are. Just wait a bit, will you? They executed the will, the other guy inherited, and as soon as he turned twenty-one, he started blowing it all. He really did blow it, that’s for sure! He gambled, he drank, and he made the news for all sorts of things. Honestly, it makes me squirm to think about the wild times he had. He wasted every single penny of it before he turned thirty, and the last I heard about him was—Holloway! That was three years ago.
“Well, I naturally fell on hard times, because, as you see, the only trade I knew was legacy-cadging. All my plans were waiting over to begin, so to speak, when the old chap died. I’ve had my ups and downs since then. Just now it’s a period of depression. I tell you frankly, I’m on the look-out for help. I was[261] hunting round my room to find something to raise a bit on for immediate necessities, and the sight of all those presentation volumes—no one will buy them, not to wrap butter in, even—well, they annoyed me. I’d promised him not to part with them, and I never kept a promise easier. I let out at them with my boot, and sent them shooting across the room. One lifted at the kick, and spun through the air. And out of it flapped—You guess?
“Well, I naturally fell on hard times because, as you can see, the only trade I knew was living off other people's legacies. All my plans were on hold, so to speak, until the old guy died. I've had my ups and downs since then. Right now, it's a really low period. I’m honestly on the lookout for help. I was[261] searching my room to find something to sell for immediate needs, and seeing all those presentation volumes—nobody would buy them, not even to wrap butter in—well, they really annoyed me. I had promised him I wouldn’t sell them, and I’ve never kept a promise more easily. I kicked at them with my boot, sending them flying across the room. One soared with the kick and spun through the air. And out of it flapped—You guess?
“It was the will. He’d given it me himself in that very last volume of all.”
“It was the will. He had handed it to me himself in that very last volume.”
He folded his arms on the table, and looked sadly with the active eye at his empty tankard. He shook his head slowly, and said softly, “I’d never opened the book, much more cut a page!” Then he looked up, with a bitter laugh, for my sympathy. “Fancy hiding it there! Eigh? Of all places.”
He crossed his arms on the table and looked sadly at his empty mug. He shook his head slowly and said softly, “I’d never opened the book, let alone cut a page!” Then he looked up, laughing bitterly, seeking my sympathy. “Can you believe hiding it there? Right? Of all places.”
He began to fish absently for a dead fly with his finger. “It just shows you the vanity of authors,” he said, looking up at me. “It wasn’t no trick of his. He’d meant perfectly fair. He’d really thought I was really going home to read that blessed book of his through. But it shows you, don’t it?”—his eye went down to the tankard again,—“It shows you, too, how we poor human beings fail to understand one another.”
He started to absentmindedly fish out a dead fly with his finger. “It just shows you how vain authors can be,” he said, looking up at me. “It wasn’t any trick on his part. He meant well. He genuinely thought I was actually going home to read that precious book of his from cover to cover. But it just shows you, doesn’t it?”—his gaze dropped back to the tankard—“It also shows how we, as human beings, struggle to understand each other.”
But there was no misunderstanding the eloquent thirst of his eye. He accepted with ill-feigned surprise. He said, in the usual subtle formula, that he didn’t mind if he did.
But there was no mistaking the intense desire in his eyes. He responded with a poorly disguised surprise. He said, using the familiar clever phrasing, that he didn't mind if he did.
THE SAD STORY OF A DRAMATIC CRITIC
I was—you shall hear immediately why I am not now—Egbert Craddock Cummins. The name remains. I am still (Heaven help me!) Dramatic Critic to the Fiery Cross. What I shall be in a little while I do not know. I write in great trouble and confusion of mind. I will do what I can to make myself clear in the face of terrible difficulties. You must bear with me a little. When a man is rapidly losing his own identity, he naturally finds a difficulty in expressing himself. I will make it perfectly plain in a minute, when once I get my grip upon the story. Let me see—where am I? I wish I knew. Ah, I have it! Dead self! Egbert Craddock Cummins!
I was—you'll soon see why I'm not anymore—Egbert Craddock Cummins. The name is still here. I'm still (Heaven help me!) the Drama Critic for the Fiery Cross. I don't know what I'll be soon. I'm writing this in a state of great trouble and confusion. I'll do my best to be clear despite these overwhelming challenges. Please bear with me a bit. When a person is quickly losing their sense of self, they understandably find it hard to express themselves. I'll make everything clear in a moment once I get a grip on the story. Let me think—where am I? I wish I knew. Ah, I've got it! Dead self! Egbert Craddock Cummins!
In the past I should have disliked writing anything quite so full of “I” as this story must be. It is full of “I’s” before and behind, like the beast in Revelation—the one with a head like a calf, I am afraid. But my tastes have changed since I became a Dramatic Critic and studied the masters—G.R.S., G.B.S., G.A.S., and the others. Everything has changed since then. At least the story is about myself—so that there is some excuse for me. And[263] it is really not egotism, because, as I say, since those days my identity has undergone an entire alteration.
In the past, I would have hated writing something as full of "I" as this story is. It's packed with "I's" at the beginning and the end, like the beast in Revelation—the one that has a head like a calf, unfortunately. But my preferences have changed since I became a Dramatic Critic and studied the greats—G.R.S., G.B.S., G.A.S., and others. Everything has shifted since then. At least this story is about me—so there's some justification for that. And[263] it’s really not egotism because, as I mentioned, my identity has completely transformed since those days.
That past!... I was—in those days—rather a nice fellow, rather shy—taste for grey in my clothes, weedy little moustache, face “interesting,” slight stutter which I had caught in early life from a schoolfellow. Engaged to a very nice girl, named Delia. Fairly new, she was—cigarettes—liked me because I was human and original. Considered I was like Lamb—on the strength of the stutter, I believe. Father, an eminent authority on postage stamps. She read a great deal in the British Museum. (A perfect pairing ground for literary people, that British Museum—you should read George Egerton and Justin Huntly M’Carthy and Gissing and the rest of them.) We loved in our intellectual way, and shared the brightest hopes. (All gone now.) And her father liked me because I seemed honestly eager to hear about stamps. She had no mother. Indeed, I had the happiest prospects a young man could have. I never went to theatres in those days. My Aunt Charlotte before she died had told me not to.
That past!... Back then, I was a pretty decent guy, a bit shy—had a taste for gray clothes, a skinny little mustache, an "interesting" face, and a slight stutter I picked up from a classmate when I was younger. I was engaged to a really nice girl named Delia. She was fairly new, smoked cigarettes, and liked me because I was genuine and original. She thought I was like Lamb—mostly because of the stutter, I guess. My dad was a well-known expert on postage stamps. She read a lot at the British Museum. (That place is a great meeting spot for literary folks—you should check out George Egerton, Justin Huntly M’Carthy, Gissing, and the others.) We loved each other in our intellectual way and shared our brightest hopes. (All gone now.) Her father liked me because I seemed genuinely interested in stamps. She didn’t have a mother. Honestly, I had the happiest future a young man could wish for. I never went to theaters back then. My Aunt Charlotte, before she passed away, had told me not to.
Then Barnaby, the editor of the Fiery Cross, made me—in spite of my spasmodic efforts to escape—Dramatic Critic. He is a fine, healthy man, Barnaby, with an enormous head of frizzy black hair and a convincing manner, and he caught me on the staircase going to see Wembly. He had been dining, and was more than usually buoyant. “Hullo, Cummins!” he said. “The very man I want!” He caught me by the shoulder or the collar or something,[264] ran me up the little passage, and flung me over the waste-paper basket into the arm-chair in his office. “Pray be seated,” he said, as he did so. Then he ran across the room and came back with some pink and yellow tickets and pushed them into my hand. “Opera Comique,” he said, “Thursday; Friday, the Surrey; Saturday, the Frivolity. That’s all, I think.”
Then Barnaby, the editor of the Fiery Cross, made me—despite my desperate attempts to get away—the Dramatic Critic. He’s a strong, healthy guy, Barnaby, with a huge head of frizzy black hair and a really convincing presence, and he caught me on the staircase as I was heading to see Wembly. He had just had dinner and was in an especially good mood. “Hey, Cummins!” he said. “You’re exactly the person I need!” He grabbed me by the shoulder or the collar or something,[264] hurried me down the small hallway, and tossed me into the armchair in his office, landing me right over the waste-paper basket. “Please, have a seat,” he said while doing it. Then he dashed across the room, came back with some pink and yellow tickets, and handed them to me. “Opera Comique,” he said, “Thursday; Friday, the Surrey; Saturday, the Frivolity. That should be it.”
“But”—I began.
“But”—I started.
“Glad you’re free,” he said, snatching some proofs off the desk and beginning to read.
“Glad you’re free,” he said, grabbing some proofs off the desk and starting to read.
“I don’t quite understand,” I said.
“I don’t really get it,” I said.
“Eigh?” he said, at the top of his voice, as though he thought I had gone, and was startled at my remark.
“Eigh?” he shouted, as if he thought I had left and was surprised by my comment.
“Do you want me to criticise these plays?”
“Do you want me to critique these plays?”
“Do something with ’em.... Did you think it was a treat?”
“Do something with them... Did you think it was a gift?”
“But I can’t.”
“But I can't.”
“Did you call me a fool?”
“Did you just call me a fool?”
“Well, I’ve never been to a theatre in my life.”
“Well, I’ve never been to a theater in my life.”
“Virgin soil.”
"Untouched land."
“But I don’t know anything about it, you know.”
"But I don't know anything about it, you know."
“That’s just it. New view. No habits. No clichés in stock. Ours is a live paper, not a bag of tricks. None of your clockwork professional journalism in this office. And I can rely on your integrity”—
"That’s exactly it. Fresh perspective. No routines. No clichés on hand. Ours is a dynamic publication, not a collection of gimmicks. None of that mechanical, formulaic journalism here. And I can trust your integrity."
“But I’ve conscientious scruples”—
“But I have moral concerns”—
He caught me up suddenly and put me outside his door. “Go and talk to Wembly about that,” he said. “He’ll explain.”
He suddenly caught up to me and pushed me out the door. “Go talk to Wembly about that,” he said. “He’ll explain.”
As I stood perplexed, he opened the door again,[265] said, “I forgot this,” thrust a fourth ticket into my hand (it was for that night—in twenty minutes’ time), and slammed the door upon me. His expression was quite calm, but I caught his eye.
As I stood confused, he opened the door again,[265] said, “I forgot this,” shoved a fourth ticket into my hand (it was for that night—in twenty minutes), and slammed the door on me. His face looked completely calm, but I caught his eye.
I hate arguments. I decided that I would take his hint and become (to my own destruction) a Dramatic Critic. I walked slowly down the passage to Wembly. That Barnaby has a remarkably persuasive way. He has made few suggestions during our very pleasant intercourse of four years that he has not ultimately won me round to adopting. It may be, of course, that I am of a yielding disposition; certainly I am too apt to take my colour from my circumstances. It is, indeed, to my unfortunate susceptibility to vivid impressions that all my misfortunes are due. I have already alluded to the slight stammer I had acquired from a schoolfellow in my youth. However, this is a digression.... I went home in a cab to dress.
I really dislike arguments. I decided to take his hint and become (to my own downfall) a Dramatic Critic. I walked slowly down the hallway to Wembly. That Barnaby has a surprisingly persuasive way. He’s made a few suggestions in our very pleasant four-year friendship that he’s ultimately convinced me to adopt. It could be that I have a compliant nature; I definitely tend to reflect my surroundings too easily. In fact, my unfortunate tendency to be swayed by strong impressions is the cause of all my troubles. I’ve already mentioned the slight stutter I picked up from a schoolmate when I was younger. Anyway, that’s a side note... I took a cab home to get ready.
I will not trouble the reader with my thoughts about the first-night audience, strange assembly as it is,—those I reserve for my Memoirs,—nor the humiliating story of how I got lost during the entr’acte in a lot of red plush passages, and saw the third act from the gallery. The only point upon which I wish to lay stress was the remarkable effect of the acting upon me. You must remember I had lived a quiet and retired life, and had never been to the theatre before, and that I am extremely sensitive to vivid impressions. At the risk of repetition I must insist upon these points.
I won't bore the reader with my thoughts on the first-night audience, which was a strange mix of people—I'll save that for my Memoirs—nor will I share the embarrassing story of how I got lost during the entr’acte in a maze of red plush corridors and ended up watching the third act from the gallery. The only thing I want to emphasize is the remarkable impact the acting had on me. You have to remember that I had lived a quiet and secluded life, had never been to the theater before, and I’m very sensitive to intense experiences. I have to stress these points, even if it feels repetitive.
The first effect was a profound amazement, not untinctured by alarm. The phenomenal unnaturalness[266] of acting is a thing discounted in the minds of most people by early visits to the theatre. They get used to the fantastic gestures, the flamboyant emotions, the weird mouthings, melodious snortings, agonising yelps, lip-gnawings, glaring horrors, and other emotional symbolism of the stage. It becomes at last a mere deaf-and-dumb language to them, which they read intelligently pari passu with the hearing of the dialogue. But all this was new to me. The thing was called a modern comedy, the people were supposed to be English and were dressed like fashionable Americans of the current epoch, and I fell into the natural error of supposing that the actors were trying to represent human beings. I looked round on my first-night audience with a kind of wonder, discovered—as all new Dramatic Critics do—that it rested with me to reform the Drama, and, after a supper choked with emotion, went off to the office to write a column, piebald with “new paragraphs” (as all my stuff is—it fills out so) and purple with indignation. Barnaby was delighted.
The first reaction was a deep amazement, mixed with a bit of fear. Most people get used to the strange unnaturalness of acting after visiting the theater a few times. They start to accept the exaggerated gestures, over-the-top emotions, odd expressions, melodic snorts, agonizing screams, lip-biting, glaring terrors, and other emotional symbols of the stage. Eventually, it becomes a sort of silent language to them, which they understand alongside hearing the dialogue. But all of this was new to me. It was labeled a modern comedy, the characters were meant to be English but looked like stylish Americans from the current era, and I made the common mistake of thinking the actors were portraying real humans. I glanced around at my fellow audience members with a sense of wonder and realized—like all new Drama Critics do—that it was up to me to change the Drama. After a supper filled with strong emotions, I went off to the office to write a column, filled with “new paragraphs” (like all my writing—it expands so much) and bursting with outrage. Barnaby was thrilled.
But I could not sleep that night. I dreamt of actors—actors glaring, actors smiting their chests, actors flinging out a handful of extended fingers, actors smiling bitterly, laughing despairingly, falling hopelessly, dying idiotically. I got up at eleven with a slight headache, read my notice in the Fiery Cross, breakfasted, and went back to my room to shave. (It’s my habit to do so.) Then an odd thing happened. I could not find my razor. Suddenly it occurred to me that I had not unpacked it the day before.
But I couldn’t sleep that night. I dreamt about actors—actors glaring, actors pounding their chests, actors extending their fingers, actors smiling bitterly, laughing hopelessly, falling despairingly, dying foolishly. I got up at eleven with a slight headache, read my notice in the Fiery Cross, had breakfast, and went back to my room to shave. (It’s my habit to do that.) Then something strange happened. I couldn’t find my razor. Suddenly, it hit me that I hadn’t unpacked it the day before.
“Ah!” said I, in front of the looking-glass. Then “Hullo!”
“Ah!” I said, in front of the mirror. Then, “Hey!”
Quite involuntarily, when I had thought of my portmanteau, I had flung up the left arm (fingers fully extended) and clutched at my diaphragm with my right hand. I am an acutely self-conscious man at all times. The gesture struck me as absolutely novel for me. I repeated it, for my own satisfaction. “Odd!” Then (rather puzzled) I turned to my portmanteau.
Quite unintentionally, when I thought of my suitcase, I lifted my left arm (fingers fully extended) and grabbed at my stomach with my right hand. I'm a highly self-conscious person all the time. The gesture felt completely new to me. I did it again, just to see for myself. “Weird!” Then, feeling a bit confused, I turned to my suitcase.
After shaving, my mind reverted to the acting I had seen, and I entertained myself before the cheval glass with some imitations of Jafferay’s more exaggerated gestures. “Really, one might think it a disease,” I said—“Stage-Walkitis!” (There’s many a truth spoken in jest.) Then, if I remember rightly, I went off to see Wembly, and afterwards lunched at the British Museum with Delia. We actually spoke about our prospects, in the light of my new appointment.
After shaving, my thoughts drifted back to the performance I had seen, and I amused myself in front of the mirror by mimicking some of Jafferay's more over-the-top gestures. “Honestly, you could call it a disease,” I joked—“Stage-Walkitis!” (There’s a lot of truth in humor.) Then, if I recall correctly, I headed over to see Wembly, and later had lunch at the British Museum with Delia. We actually talked about our future, considering my new appointment.
But that appointment was the beginning of my downfall. From that day I necessarily became a persistent theatre-goer, and almost insensibly I began to change. The next thing I noticed after the gesture about the razor, was to catch myself bowing ineffably when I met Delia, and stooping in an old-fashioned, courtly way over her hand. Directly I caught myself, I straightened myself up and became very uncomfortable. I remember she looked at me curiously. Then, in the office, I found myself doing “nervous business,” fingers on teeth, when Barnaby asked me a question I could not very[268] well answer. Then, in some trifling difference with Delia, I clasped my hand to my brow. And I pranced through my social transactions at times singularly like an actor! I tried not to—no one could be more keenly alive to the arrant absurdity of the histrionic bearing. And I did!
But that appointment was the start of my downfall. From that day on, I became a regular theater-goer, and almost without realizing it, I started to change. The next thing I noticed after the gesture with the razor was that I caught myself bowing in an indescribable way when I met Delia and leaning over her hand in an old-fashioned, polite manner. As soon as I noticed it, I straightened up and felt very uncomfortable. I remember she looked at me curiously. Then, in the office, I found myself doing “nervous business,” fingers on my teeth, when Barnaby asked me a question I couldn’t really answer. Then, during a minor disagreement with Delia, I pressed my hand to my forehead. And at times, I moved through my social interactions oddly like an actor! I tried not to—no one could be more aware of the sheer ridiculousness of my dramatic behavior. And I did!
It began to dawn on me what it all meant. The acting, I saw, was too much for my delicately-strung nervous system. I have always, I know, been too amenable to the suggestions of my circumstances. Night after night of concentrated attention to the conventional attitudes and intonation of the English stage was gradually affecting my speech and carriage. I was giving way to the infection of sympathetic imitation. Night after night my plastic nervous system took the print of some new amazing gesture, some new emotional exaggeration—and retained it. A kind of theatrical veneer threatened to plate over and obliterate my private individuality altogether. I saw myself in a kind of vision. Sitting by myself one night, my new self seemed to me to glide, posing and gesticulating, across the room. He clutched his throat, he opened his fingers, he opened his legs in walking like a high-class marionette. He went from attitude to attitude. He might have been clockwork. Directly after this I made an ineffectual attempt to resign my theatrical work. But Barnaby persisted in talking about the Polywhiddle Divorce all the time I was with him, and I could get no opportunity of saying what I wished.
I started to realize what it all meant. The acting, I saw, was overwhelming for my sensitive nervous system. I’ve always been too influenced by my circumstances. Night after night, focusing intensely on the typical attitudes and tones of the English stage was slowly altering my speech and demeanor. I was succumbing to the contagious nature of sympathetic imitation. Each night, my adaptable nervous system absorbed some new remarkable gesture, some emotional exaggeration—and held onto it. A kind of theatrical layer threatened to cover and erase my personal individuality completely. I envisioned myself in a strange way. One night, sitting alone, my new self appeared to glide, posing and gesturing, across the room. He grasped his throat, opened his fingers, and walked with his legs apart like a high-class puppet. He shifted from one pose to another. He could have been clockwork. Right after this, I tried unsuccessfully to quit my acting job. But Barnaby kept going on about the Polywhiddle Divorce while I was with him, and I never got a chance to say what I wanted.
And then Delia’s manner began to change towards me. The ease of our intercourse vanished. I felt[269] she was learning to dislike me. I grinned, and capered, and scowled, and posed at her in a thousand ways, and knew—with what a voiceless agony!—that I did it all the time. I tried to resign again, and Barnaby talked about “X” and “Z” and “Y” in the New Review, and gave me a strong cigar to smoke, and so routed me. And then I walked up the Assyrian Gallery in the manner of Irving to meet Delia, and so precipitated the crisis.
And then Delia’s attitude started to shift towards me. The comfort of our interactions disappeared. I sensed[269] she was beginning to dislike me. I smiled, danced around, frowned, and posed in countless ways, all the while knowing—with a silent anguish!—that I did it constantly. I attempted to give up again, and Barnaby talked about “X” and “Z” and “Y” in the New Review, and handed me a strong cigar to smoke, which completely threw me off. Then I strolled up the Assyrian Gallery in a way reminiscent of Irving to meet Delia, which led to the crisis.
“Ah!—Dear!” I said, with more sprightliness and emotion in my voice than had ever been in all my life before I became (to my own undoing) a Dramatic Critic.
“Ah!—Dear!” I said, with more energy and emotion in my voice than I had ever felt before I became (to my own detriment) a Dramatic Critic.
She held out her hand rather coldly, scrutinising my face as she did so. I prepared, with a new-won grace, to walk by her side.
She extended her hand somewhat coldly, examining my face while doing so. I got ready, with a newfound grace, to walk beside her.
“Egbert,” she said, standing still, and thought. Then she looked at me.
“Egbert,” she said, standing still and thinking. Then she turned to look at me.
I said nothing. I felt what was coming. I tried to be the old Egbert Craddock Cummins of shambling gait and stammering sincerity, whom she loved, but I felt even as I did so that I was a new thing, a thing of surging emotions and mysterious fixity—like no human being that ever lived, except upon the stage. “Egbert,” she said, “you are not yourself.”
I didn't say anything. I could sense what was coming. I tried to be the old Egbert Craddock Cummins with his shuffling walk and sincere stutter, the one she loved, but even as I did that, I felt like I was something new, filled with overwhelming emotions and an unearthly steadiness—like no one who ever lived, except on stage. “Egbert,” she said, “you're not yourself.”
“Ah!” Involuntarily I clutched my diaphragm and averted my head (as is the way with them).
“Ah!” I instinctively grabbed my stomach and turned my head away (just like they do).
“There!” she said.
"There!" she said.
“What do you mean?” I said, whispering in vocal italics—you know how they do it—turning on her, perplexity on face, right hand down, left on brow. I knew quite well what she meant. I knew quite[270] well the dramatic unreality of my behaviour. But I struggled against it in vain. “What do you mean?” I said, and, in a kind of hoarse whisper, “I don’t understand!”
“What do you mean?” I said, whispering in a dramatic way—you know how they do it—turning to her, confusion on my face, right hand down, left on my brow. I knew exactly what she meant. I knew very well the theatrical absurdity of my actions. But I fought against it in vain. “What do you mean?” I said, and, in a kind of raspy whisper, “I don’t understand!”
She really looked as though she disliked me. “What do you keep on posing for?” she said. “I don’t like it. You didn’t use to.”
She really looked like she disliked me. “What are you posing for?” she said. “I don’t like it. You didn’t used to.”
“Didn’t use to!” I said slowly, repeating this twice. I glared up and down the gallery, with short, sharp glances. “We are alone,” I said swiftly. “Listen!” I poked my forefinger towards her, and glared at her. “I am under a curse.”
“Didn’t use to!” I said slowly, repeating it twice. I shot quick, sharp looks around the gallery. “We’re alone,” I said quickly. “Listen!” I pointed my finger at her and glared. “I’m under a curse.”
I saw her hand tighten upon her sunshade. “You are under some bad influence or other,” said Delia. “You should give it up. I never knew anyone change as you have done.”
I saw her grip her sunshade tighter. “You’re under some bad influence or something,” Delia said. “You should really let it go. I’ve never seen anyone change as much as you have.”
“Delia!” I said, lapsing into the pathetic. “Pity me. Augh! Delia! Pit—y me!”
“Delia!” I said, getting a bit desperate. “Feel sorry for me. Ugh! Delia! Feel—sorry for me!”
She eyed me critically. “Why you keep playing the fool like this I don’t know,” she said. “Anyhow, I really cannot go about with a man who behaves as you do. You made us both ridiculous on Wednesday. Frankly, I dislike you, as you are now. I met you here to tell you so—as it’s about the only place where we can be sure of being alone together”—
She looked at me with disapproval. “Why do you keep acting like this? I don’t get it,” she said. “Anyway, I can't be with a guy who acts like you do. You embarrassed us both on Wednesday. Honestly, I don’t like you the way you are now. I came here to tell you that—since it's pretty much the only place where we can be alone together”—
“Delia!” said I, with intensity, knuckles of clenched hands white. “You don’t mean”—
“Delia!” I said intensely, my knuckles white from clenching my hands. “You don’t mean—”
“I do,” said Delia. “A woman’s lot is sad enough at the best of times. But with you”—
“I do,” said Delia. “A woman’s life is tough enough as it is. But with you”—
I clapped my hand on my brow.
I slapped my hand on my forehead.
“So, good-bye,” said Delia, without emotion.
“So, bye,” said Delia, without emotion.
“Oh, Delia!” I said. “Not this?”
“Oh, Delia!” I said. “Not this?"
“Good-bye, Mr. Cummins,” she said.
“Bye, Mr. Cummins,” she said.
By a violent effort I controlled myself and touched her hand. I tried to say some word of explanation to her. She looked into my working face and winced. “I must do it,” she said hopelessly. Then she turned from me and began walking rapidly down the gallery.
By putting in a lot of effort, I managed to keep myself in check and reached for her hand. I tried to say something that would explain my feelings. She looked at my strained face and flinched. “I have to do it,” she said in despair. Then she turned away from me and started walking quickly down the hallway.
Heavens! How the human agony cried within me! I loved Delia. But nothing found expression—I was already too deeply crusted with my acquired self.
Heavens! How the human pain cried out inside me! I loved Delia. But nothing came out—I was already too covered up in my learned self.
“Good-baye!” I said at last, watching her retreating figure. How I hated myself for doing it! After she had vanished, I repeated in a dreamy way, “Good-baye!” looking hopelessly round me. Then, with a kind of heart-broken cry, I shook my clenched fists in the air, staggered to the pedestal of a winged figure, buried my face in my arms, and made my shoulders heave. Something within me said “Ass!” as I did so. (I had the greatest difficulty in persuading the Museum policeman, who was attracted by my cry of agony, that I was not intoxicated, but merely suffering from a transient indisposition.)
“Goodbye!” I finally said, watching her walk away. I was so angry at myself for saying it! After she disappeared, I repeated in a daze, “Goodbye!” while looking around hopelessly. Then, with a heartbroken cry, I shook my fists in the air, stumbled over to a statue of a winged figure, buried my face in my arms, and started to cry. Something inside me called me an “idiot” as I was doing this. (I had a hard time convincing the Museum policeman, who came over after hearing my cry, that I wasn’t drunk, but just dealing with a temporary issue.)
But even this great sorrow has not availed to save me from my fate. I see it, everyone sees it; I grow more “theatrical” every day. And no one could be more painfully aware of the pungent silliness of theatrical ways. The quiet, nervous, but pleasing E. C. Cummins vanishes. I cannot save him. I am driven like a dead leaf before the winds of March. My tailor even enters into the spirit of my disorder. He has a peculiar sense of what is fitting. I tried[272] to get a dull grey suit from him this spring, and he foisted a brilliant blue upon me, and I see he has put braid down the sides of my new dress trousers. My hairdresser insists upon giving me a “wave.”
But even this deep sadness hasn’t saved me from my fate. I see it, everyone sees it; I get more “theatric” every day. And no one is more painfully aware of the ridiculousness of theatrical behavior. The calm, anxious, yet charming E. C. Cummins disappears. I can’t save him. I’m being pushed along like a dead leaf in the March winds. My tailor even gets into the vibe of my chaos. He has a unique sense of what looks good. I tried to get a dull grey suit from him this spring, but he forced a bright blue one on me, and I see he added braid down the sides of my new dress pants. My hairdresser insists on giving me a “wave.”
I am beginning to associate with actors. I detest them, but it is only in their company that I can feel I am not glaringly conspicuous. Their talk infects me. I notice a growing tendency to dramatic brevity, to dashes and pauses in my style, to a punctuation of bows and attitudes. Barnaby has remarked it too. I offended Wembly by calling him “Dear Boy” yesterday. I dread the end, but I cannot escape from it.
I’m starting to hang out with actors. I can’t stand them, but it’s only when I’m with them that I don’t feel so obviously out of place. Their way of talking is getting to me. I find myself using more dramatic pauses and dashes in my speech, almost like I'm putting on a show. Barnaby has noticed it too. I upset Wembly by calling him “Dear Boy” yesterday. I’m afraid of what’s coming, but there’s no way to avoid it.
The fact is, I am being obliterated. Living a grey, retired life all my youth, I came to the theatre a delicate sketch of a man, a thing of tints and faint lines. Their gorgeous colouring has effaced me altogether. People forget how much mode of expression, method of movement, are a matter of contagion. I have heard of stage-struck people before, and thought it a figure of speech. I spoke of it jestingly, as a disease. It is no jest. It is a disease. And I have got it bad! Deep down within me I protest against the wrong done to my personality—unavailingly. For three hours or more a week I have to go and concentrate my attention on some fresh play, and the suggestions of the drama strengthen their awful hold upon me. My manners grow so flamboyant, my passions so professional, that I doubt, as I said at the outset, whether it is really myself that behaves in such a manner. I feel[273] merely the core to this dramatic casing, that grows thicker and presses upon me—me and mine. I feel like King John’s abbot in his cope of lead.
The truth is, I'm being wiped out. Living a dull, retired life throughout my youth, I came to the theater as a delicate outline of a man, just a mix of shades and faint lines. Their vibrant colors have completely erased me. People forget how much expression and movement depend on influence. I've heard of stage-struck people before and thought it was just a figure of speech. I joked about it, calling it a disease. But it’s not a joke. It is a disease. And I’ve got it badly! Deep down, I protest against the damage done to my personality—without any success. For three hours or more a week, I have to go and focus my attention on some new play, and the drama’s suggestions strengthen their terrible grip on me. My mannerisms become so flashy, my emotions so artificial, that I doubt, as I mentioned at the beginning, if it’s really me behaving this way. I feel like just the essence under this dramatic facade, which grows thicker and presses upon me—upon me and my true self. I feel like King John's abbot in his leaden cloak.
I doubt, indeed, whether I should not abandon the struggle altogether—leave this sad world of ordinary life for which I am so ill-fitted, abandon the name of Cummins for some professional pseudonym, complete my self-effacement, and—a thing of tricks and tatters, of posing and pretence—go upon the stage. It seems my only resort—“to hold the mirror up to Nature.” For in the ordinary life, I will confess, no one now seems to regard me as both sane and sober. Only upon the stage, I feel convinced, will people take me seriously. That will be the end of it. I know that will be the end of it. And yet ... I will frankly confess ... all that marks off your actor from your common man ... I detest. I am still largely of my Aunt Charlotte’s opinion, that playacting is unworthy of a pure-minded man’s attention, much more participation. Even now I would resign my dramatic criticism and try a rest. Only I can’t get hold of Barnaby. Letters of resignation he never notices. He says it is against the etiquette of journalism to write to your Editor. And when I go to see him, he gives me another big cigar and some strong whisky and soda, and then something always turns up to prevent my explanation.
I really doubt if I should just give up the fight completely—leave this dismal world of ordinary life that I'm so poorly suited for, ditch the name Cummins for some professional alias, fully disappear from view, and—like a patchwork of tricks and gimmicks, posing and pretending—hit the stage. It seems to be my only option—“to hold the mirror up to Nature.” Because in ordinary life, I have to admit, no one really sees me as both sane and sober. Only on the stage, I truly believe, will people take me seriously. That would be the end of it. I know that will be the end of it. And yet ... I’ll be honest ... all the things that separate an actor from a regular person ... I detest. I still largely agree with my Aunt Charlotte, that acting isn’t worthy of a pure-minded man’s attention, let alone involvement. Even now, I would give up my dramatic criticism and take a break. But I can’t get through to Barnaby. He never pays attention to resignation letters. He says it’s against journalism etiquette to write to your editor. And when I go to see him, he hands me another big cigar and some strong whisky and soda, and then something always comes up to stop me from explaining.
A SLIP UNDER THE MICROSCOPE
Outside the laboratory windows was a watery-grey fog, and within a close warmth and the yellow light of the green-shaded gas lamps that stood two to each table down its narrow length. On each table stood a couple of glass jars containing the mangled vestiges of the crayfish, mussels, frogs, and guineapigs, upon which the students had been working, and down the side of the room, facing the windows, were shelves bearing bleached dissections in spirits, surmounted by a row of beautifully executed anatomical drawings in whitewood frames and overhanging a row of cubical lockers. All the doors of the laboratory were panelled with blackboard, and on these were the half-erased diagrams of the previous day’s work. The laboratory was empty, save for the demonstrator, who sat near the preparation-room door, and silent, save for a low, continuous murmur, and the clicking of the rocker microtome at which he was working. But scattered about the room were traces of numerous students: hand-bags, polished boxes of instruments, in one place a large drawing covered by newspaper, and in another a prettily bound copy of News from Nowhere, a book oddly at variance[275] with its surroundings. These things had been put down hastily as the students had arrived and hurried at once to secure their seats in the adjacent lecture theatre. Deadened by the closed door, the measured accents of the professor sounded as a featureless muttering.
Outdoors the lab windows was a cloudy, grey fog, while inside was a warm atmosphere lit by the yellow glow of green-shaded gas lamps standing two on each table along the narrow space. Each table had a few glass jars filled with the mangled remains of crayfish, mussels, frogs, and guineapigs that the students had been working on. Along one side of the room, facing the windows, shelves displayed bleached dissections preserved in spirits, topped by a series of beautifully crafted anatomical drawings in whitewood frames, along with a row of cubical lockers. All the doors in the lab were covered with blackboard paint, featuring the half-erased diagrams from the previous day's work. The lab was empty, except for the demonstrator sitting near the preparation-room door, and quiet, except for a low, continuous hum and the clicking of the rocker microtome he was using. Scattered around the room were signs of many students: handbags, gleaming instrument boxes, a large drawing covered by newspaper in one spot, and a nicely bound copy of News from Nowhere in another, a book strangely out of place with its surroundings. These items had been left behind in a rush as the students arrived and hurried to grab their seats in the nearby lecture theatre. Muffled by the closed door, the articulate speech of the professor came across as a vague mumble.
Presently, faint through the closed windows came the sound of the Oratory clock striking the hour of eleven. The clicking of the microtome ceased, and the demonstrator looked at his watch, rose, thrust his hands into his pockets, and walked slowly down the laboratory towards the lecture theatre door. He stood listening for a moment, and then his eye fell on the little volume by William Morris. He picked it up, glanced at the title, smiled, opened it, looked at the name on the fly-leaf, ran the leaves through with his hand, and put it down. Almost immediately the even murmur of the lecturer ceased, there was a sudden burst of pencils rattling on the desks in the lecture theatre, a stirring, a scraping of feet, and a number of voices speaking together. Then a firm footfall approached the door, which began to open, and stood ajar, as some indistinctly heard question arrested the new-comer.
Currently, faintly through the closed windows came the sound of the Oratory clock striking eleven. The microtome clicked to a stop, and the demonstrator glanced at his watch, got up, shoved his hands in his pockets, and walked slowly down the lab toward the lecture theater door. He paused to listen for a moment, and then noticed a small book by William Morris. He picked it up, looked at the title, smiled, opened it, checked the name on the flyleaf, flipped through the pages, and set it down. Almost immediately, the soft murmur of the lecturer ended, followed by a sudden clatter of pencils on the desks in the lecture theater, a bustle of movement, a scraping of feet, and a jumble of voices. Then, a firm footstep approached the door, which began to open and stood slightly ajar, as an indistinct question caught the attention of the newcomer.
The demonstrator turned, walked slowly back past the microtome, and left the laboratory by the preparation-room door. As he did so, first one, and then several students carrying notebooks entered the laboratory from the lecture theatre, and distributed themselves among the little tables, or stood in a group about the doorway. They were an exceptionally heterogeneous assembly, for while Oxford and[276] Cambridge still recoil from the blushing prospect of mixed classes, the College of Science anticipated America in the matter years ago—mixed socially, too, for the prestige of the College is high, and its scholarships, free of any age limit, dredge deeper even than do those of the Scotch universities. The class numbered one-and-twenty, but some remained in the theatre questioning the professor, copying the blackboard diagrams before they were washed off, or examining the special specimens he had produced to illustrate the day’s teaching. Of the nine who had come into the laboratory three were girls, one of whom, a little fair woman, wearing spectacles and dressed in greyish-green, was peering out of the window at the fog, while the other two, both wholesome-looking, plain-faced schoolgirls, unrolled and put on the brown holland aprons they wore while dissecting. Of the men, two went down the laboratory to their places, one a pallid, dark-bearded man, who had once been a tailor; the other a pleasant-featured, ruddy young man of twenty, dressed in a well-fitting brown suit; young Wedderburn, the son of Wedderburn the eye specialist. The others formed a little knot near the theatre door. One of these, a dwarfed, spectacled figure, with a hunch back, sat on a bent wood stool; two others, one a short, dark youngster, and the other a flaxen-haired, reddish-complexioned young man, stood leaning side by side against the slate sink, while the fourth stood facing them, and maintained the larger share of the conversation.
The demonstrator turned, walked slowly back past the microtome, and left the lab through the preparation-room door. As he did this, one student, and then several others carrying notebooks entered the laboratory from the lecture theater, spreading out among the small tables or gathering in a group by the doorway. They were a particularly diverse group, because while Oxford and Cambridge still hesitate at the idea of mixed classes, the College of Science embraced this years ago—socially mixed as well, since the College holds a strong reputation and its scholarships, with no age restrictions, attract even more candidates than those from the Scottish universities. The class had twenty-one students, but some stayed in the theater to ask the professor questions, copy the diagrams from the blackboard before they were erased, or look at the special specimens he had brought to illustrate the day’s lesson. Of the nine who had entered the lab, three were girls, one of whom, a small fair woman in glasses and dressed in a grayish-green outfit, was looking out the window at the fog, while the other two, both healthy-looking, plain-faced schoolgirls, rolled out and put on the brown holland aprons they used while dissecting. Among the men, two went down the lab to their spots, one being a pale, dark-bearded man who used to be a tailor, and the other a cheerful, rosy young man of twenty dressed in a well-fitting brown suit; young Wedderburn, the son of Wedderburn the eye specialist. The others formed a small cluster near the theater door. One of them, a short, spectacled figure with a hunchback, sat on a bent wood stool; two others, one a short, dark young man, and the other a fair-haired young man with a reddish complexion, stood leaning against the slate sink, while the fourth faced them, leading most of the conversation.
This last person was named Hill. He was a sturdily[277] built young fellow, of the same age as Wedderburn; he had a white face, dark grey eyes, hair of an indeterminate colour, and prominent, irregular features. He talked rather louder than was needful, and thrust his hands deeply into his pockets. His collar was frayed and blue with the starch of a careless laundress, his clothes were evidently readymade, and there was a patch on the side of his boot near the toe. And as he talked or listened to the others, he glanced now and again towards the lecture theatre door. They were discussing the depressing peroration of the lecture they had just heard, the last lecture it was in the introductory course in zoology. “From ovum to ovum is the goal of the higher vertebrata,” the lecturer had said in his melancholy tones, and so had neatly rounded off the sketch of comparative anatomy he had been developing. The spectacled hunchback had repeated it, with noisy appreciation, had tossed it towards the fair-haired student with an evident provocation, and had started one of those vague, rambling discussions on generalities, so unaccountably dear to the student mind all the world over.
This last person was named Hill. He was a solidly built young guy, about the same age as Wedderburn; he had a pale face, dark gray eyes, hair of an unclear shade, and distinct, uneven features. He spoke a bit louder than necessary and shoved his hands deep into his pockets. His collar was frayed and blue with the starch from a careless laundry, his clothes were clearly off the rack, and there was a patch on the side of his boot near the toe. As he talked or listened to the others, he occasionally glanced toward the lecture theater door. They were discussing the depressing ending of the lecture they had just attended, the last lecture in the introductory course on zoology. “From ovum to ovum is the goal of the higher vertebrates,” the lecturer had said in his sad tone, neatly wrapping up the sketch of comparative anatomy he had been outlining. The bespectacled hunchback had repeated it with loud enthusiasm, tossed it toward the fair-haired student as a clear challenge, and started one of those vague, rambling discussions on general topics that are inexplicably beloved by students everywhere.
“That is our goal, perhaps—I admit it—as far as science goes,” said the fair-haired student, rising to the challenge. “But there are things above science.”
"That might be our goal, I’ll admit—at least when it comes to science," said the blonde student, stepping up to the challenge. "But there are things beyond science."
“Science,” said Hill confidently, “is systematic knowledge. Ideas that don’t come into the system—must anyhow—be loose ideas.” He was not quite sure whether that was a clever saying or a fatuity until his hearers took it seriously.
“Science,” said Hill confidently, “is organized knowledge. Ideas that don’t fit into the system—must anyway—be disconnected ideas.” He was not entirely sure if that was a smart statement or just nonsense until his listeners took it seriously.
“The thing I cannot understand,” said the hunchback,[278] at large, “is whether Hill is a materialist or not.”
“The thing I can’t understand,” said the hunchback,[278] in general, “is whether Hill is a materialist or not.”
“There is one thing above matter,” said Hill promptly, feeling he had a better thing this time, aware, too, of someone in the doorway behind him, and raising his voice a trifle for her benefit, “and that is, the delusion that there is something above matter.”
“There is one thing that's more important than matter,” said Hill quickly, feeling confident this time, also noticing someone in the doorway behind him, and raising his voice slightly for her benefit, “and that is the illusion that there is something more important than matter.”
“So we have your gospel at last,” said the fair student. “It’s all a delusion, is it? All our aspirations to lead something more than dogs’ lives, all our work for anything beyond ourselves. But see how inconsistent you are. Your socialism, for instance. Why do you trouble about the interests of the race? Why do you concern yourself about the beggar in the gutter? Why are you bothering yourself to lend that book”—he indicated William Morris by a movement of the head—“to everyone in the lab.?”
“Finally, we have your gospel,” said the attractive student. “It’s all a delusion, right? All our dreams of living more than just animalistic lives, all our efforts for something greater than ourselves. But look how inconsistent you are. Your socialism, for example. Why do you care about the interests of the community? Why do you worry about the homeless person in the street? Why are you going out of your way to lend that book”—he nodded towards William Morris—“to everyone in the lab?”
“Girl,” said the hunchback indistinctly, and glanced guiltily over his shoulder.
“Girl,” said the hunchback quietly, glancing nervously over his shoulder.
The girl in brown, with the brown eyes, had come into the laboratory, and stood on the other side of the table behind him, with her rolled-up apron in one hand, looking over her shoulder, listening to the discussion. She did not notice the hunchback, because she was glancing from Hill to his interlocutor. Hill’s consciousness of her presence betrayed itself to her only in his studious ignorance of the fact; but she understood that, and it pleased her. “I see no reason,” said he, “why a man should live like a brute because he knows of nothing beyond matter,[279] and does not expect to exist a hundred years hence.”
The girl in brown, with brown eyes, had entered the lab and stood on the other side of the table behind him, holding her rolled-up apron in one hand, looking over her shoulder and listening to the conversation. She didn’t notice the hunchback because she was switching her attention between Hill and his conversation partner. Hill’s awareness of her presence showed itself in his deliberate ignorance of her, but she picked up on that, and it made her happy. “I don’t see any reason,” he said, “why a man should live like an animal just because he knows nothing beyond the physical world and doesn’t expect to be around a hundred years from now.”[279]
“Why shouldn’t he?” said the fair-haired student.
“Why shouldn’t he?” said the blonde student.
“Why should he?” said Hill.
“Why should he?” said Hill.
“What inducement has he?”
"What's his motivation?"
“That’s the way with all you religious people. It’s all a business of inducements. Cannot a man seek after righteousness for righteousness’ sake?”
“That’s how it is with all you religious folks. It’s all about what you can get out of it. Can’t a person just pursue goodness for goodness’ sake?”
There was a pause. The fair man answered, with a kind of vocal padding, “But—you see—inducement—when I said inducement,” to gain time. And then the hunchback came to his rescue and inserted a question. He was a terrible person in the debating society with his questions, and they invariably took one form—a demand for a definition. “What’s your definition of righteousness?” said the hunchback at this stage.
There was a pause. The fair man replied, using a bit of filler in his voice, “But—you see—inducement—when I mentioned inducement,” to buy himself some time. Then the hunchback came to his rescue and asked a question. He was a tough person in the debating society with his questions, and they always had one thing in common—a request for a definition. “What’s your definition of righteousness?” the hunchback asked at this point.
Hill experienced a sudden loss of complacency at this question, but even as it was asked, relief came in the person of Brooks, the laboratory attendant, who entered by the preparation-room door, carrying a number of freshly killed guineapigs by their hind legs. “This is the last batch of material this session,” said the youngster, who had not previously spoken. Brooks advanced up the laboratory, smacking down a couple of guineapigs at each table. The rest of the class, scenting the prey from afar, came crowding in by the lecture theatre door, and the discussion perished abruptly as the students who were not already in their places hurried to them to secure the choice of a specimen. There was a noise of keys[280] rattling on split rings as lockers were opened and dissecting instruments taken out. Hill was already standing by his table, and his box of scalpels was sticking out of his pocket. The girl in brown came a step towards him, and, leaning over his table, said softly, “Did you see that I returned your book, Mr. Hill?”
Hill suddenly lost his sense of ease at the question, but just as it was asked, relief arrived in the form of Brooks, the lab attendant, who came in through the prep room door, carrying several freshly killed guinea pigs by their hind legs. “This is the last batch of material for this session,” said the young man, who hadn't spoken before. Brooks walked up the lab, dropping a couple of guinea pigs on each table. The rest of the class, catching a whiff of the catch from a distance, crowded in through the lecture theater door, and the discussion abruptly ended as the students who weren't already at their spots rushed to claim a specimen. There was the sound of keys rattling on split rings as lockers were opened and dissecting instruments were taken out. Hill was already at his table, with his box of scalpels sticking out of his pocket. The girl in brown took a step towards him and, leaning over his table, said softly, “Did you see that I returned your book, Mr. Hill?”
During the whole scene she and the book had been vividly present in his consciousness; but he made a clumsy pretence of looking at the book and seeing it for the first time. “Oh yes,” he said, taking it up. “I see. Did you like it?”
During the entire scene, she and the book had clearly been on his mind; but he awkwardly pretended to look at the book as if he was seeing it for the first time. “Oh yeah,” he said, picking it up. “I see. Did you like it?”
“I want to ask you some questions about it—some time.”
“I want to ask you some questions about it—sometime.”
“Certainly,” said Hill. “I shall be glad.” He stopped awkwardly. “You liked it?” he said.
“Sure,” said Hill. “I’ll be happy to.” He paused uncomfortably. “Did you like it?” he asked.
“It’s a wonderful book. Only some things I don’t understand.”
“It’s a great book. There are just a few things I don’t get.”
Then suddenly the laboratory was hushed by a curious braying noise. It was the demonstrator. He was at the blackboard ready to begin the day’s instruction, and it was his custom to demand silence by a sound midway between the “Er” of common intercourse and the blast of a trumpet. The girl in brown slipped back to her place: it was immediately in front of Hill’s, and Hill, forgetting her forthwith, took a notebook out of the drawer of his table, turned over its leaves hastily, drew a stumpy pencil from his pocket, and prepared to make a copious note of the coming demonstration. For demonstrations and lectures are the sacred text of the College students. Books, saving only the Professor’s[281] own, you may—it is even expedient to—ignore.
Then suddenly, the laboratory fell silent because of a curious braying noise. It was the demonstrator. He had approached the blackboard, ready to start the day’s lesson, and it was his habit to demand silence with a sound that was half an "Er" and half a trumpet blast. The girl in brown went back to her seat, which was directly in front of Hill’s. Hill, immediately forgetting about her, pulled a notebook out of his desk drawer, flipped through its pages quickly, took out a short pencil from his pocket, and got ready to take extensive notes on the upcoming demonstration. For students at the College, demonstrations and lectures are the holy scriptures. You can—and it's even advisable to—ignore all other books, except the Professor’s[281] own.
Hill was the son of a Landport cobbler, and had been hooked by a chance blue paper the authorities had thrown out to the Landport Technical College. He kept himself in London on his allowance of a guinea a week, and found that, with proper care, this also covered his clothing allowance, an occasional waterproof collar, that is; and ink and needles and cotton, and such-like necessaries for a man about town. This was his first year and his first session, but the brown old man in Landport had already got himself detested in many public-houses by boasting of his son, “the Professor.” Hill was a vigorous youngster, with a serene contempt for the clergy of all denominations, and a fine ambition to reconstruct the world. He regarded his scholarship as a brilliant opportunity. He had begun to read at seven, and had read steadily whatever came in his way, good or bad, since then. His worldly experience had been limited to the island of Portsea, and acquired chiefly in the wholesale boot factory in which he had worked by day, after passing the seventh standard of the Board school. He had a considerable gift of speech, as the College Debating Society, which met amidst the crushing machines and mine models in the metallurgical theatre downstairs, already recognised—recognised by a violent battering of desks whenever he rose. And he was just at that fine emotional age when life opens at the end of a narrow pass like a broad valley at one’s feet, full of the promise of[282] wonderful discoveries and tremendous achievements. And his own limitations, save that he knew that he knew neither Latin nor French, were all unknown to him.
Hill was the son of a shoemaker from Landport and had landed a spot at the Landport Technical College thanks to a blue paper the authorities tossed out. He managed to get by in London on a weekly allowance of a guinea, which, with a bit of careful budgeting, also covered his clothing expenses, like an occasional waterproof collar, as well as ink, needles, cotton, and other necessities for a man about town. This was his first year and his first session, but the old man back in Landport had already become the subject of gossip in many pubs, bragging about his son, “the Professor.” Hill was a lively young man with a calm disdain for the clergy of every denomination and a strong ambition to change the world. He saw his scholarship as an amazing opportunity. He had started reading at seven and had been consistently consuming everything from literature to junk ever since. His real-world experience was limited to the island of Portsea, mostly gained from working during the day at a wholesale boot factory after finishing the seventh standard at the Board school. He had a real talent for speaking, as the College Debating Society, which met among the clanging machines and mine models in the downstairs metallurgical theater, had already recognized—evident from the loud banging of desks whenever he stood to speak. He was at that exciting emotional stage where life opens up at the end of a narrow path like a wide valley full of the promise of wonderful discoveries and incredible accomplishments. And he was blissfully unaware of his limitations, except for knowing that he didn’t understand Latin or French.
At first his interest had been divided pretty equally between his biological work at the College and social and theological theorising, an employment which he took in deadly earnest. Of a night, when the big museum library was not open, he would sit on the bed of his room in Chelsea with his coat and a muffler on, and write out the lecture notes and revise his dissection memoranda, until Thorpe called him out by a whistle,—the landlady objected to open the door to attic visitors,—and then the two would go prowling about the shadowy, shiny, gas-lit streets, talking, very much in the fashion of the sample just given, of the God Idea, and Righteousness, and Carlyle, and the Reorganisation of Society. And, in the midst of it all, Hill, arguing not only for Thorpe, but for the casual passer-by, would lose the thread of his argument glancing at some pretty painted face that looked meaningly at him as he passed. Science and Righteousness! But once or twice lately there had been signs that a third interest was creeping into his life, and he had found his attention wandering from the fate of the mesoblastic somites or the probable meaning of the blastopore, to the thought of the girl with the brown eyes who sat at the table before him.
At first, he was equally interested in his biology work at the College and in social and theological theory, which he took very seriously. At night, when the big museum library was closed, he would sit on his bed in Chelsea, bundled up in his coat and scarf, writing lecture notes and reviewing his dissection notes until Thorpe whistled for him—since the landlady wouldn't let attic visitors in—and then the two of them would wander the dimly lit, gas-lit streets, discussing topics like the God Idea, Righteousness, Carlyle, and the Reorganization of Society. In the midst of their conversations, Hill would lose track of his thoughts while glancing at some pretty painted face that looked at him meaningfully as he passed by. Science and Righteousness! But recently, there had been hints that a third interest was emerging in his life, and he found himself distracted from the fate of the mesoblastic somites or the probable meaning of the blastopore, thinking instead about the girl with the brown eyes who sat at the table in front of him.
She was a paying student; she descended inconceivable social altitudes to speak to him. At the thought of the education she must have had, and the accomplishments she must possess, the soul of Hill[283] became abject within him. She had spoken to him first over a difficulty about the alisphenoid of a rabbit’s skull, and he had found that, in biology at least, he had no reason for self-abasement. And from that, after the manner of young people starting from any starting-point, they got to generalities, and while Hill attacked her upon the question of socialism,—some instinct told him to spare her a direct assault upon her religion,—she was gathering resolution to undertake what she told herself was his æsthetic education. She was a year or two older than he, though the thought never occurred to him. The loan of News from Nowhere was the beginning of a series of cross loans. Upon some absurd first principle of his, Hill had never “wasted time” upon poetry, and it seemed an appalling deficiency to her. One day in the lunch hour, when she chanced upon him alone in the little museum where the skeletons were arranged, shamefully eating the bun that constituted his midday meal, she retreated, and returned to lend him, with a slightly furtive air, a volume of Browning. He stood sideways towards her and took the book rather clumsily, because he was holding the bun in the other hand. And in the retrospect his voice lacked the cheerful clearness he could have wished.
She was a paying student; she lowered herself from unimaginable social heights to talk to him. Just thinking about the education she must have had and the skills she must possess made Hill[283] feel small inside. She had first approached him over a question about the alisphenoid of a rabbit’s skull, and he realized that, at least in biology, he didn’t need to feel inferior. From that point, as young people do, they moved on to broader topics. While Hill questioned her about socialism—he instinctively avoided a direct attack on her religion—she was mustering the courage to take on what she considered his artistic education. She was a year or two older than him, though he never thought about it. Borrowing News from Nowhere started a series of mutual exchanges. For some ridiculous reason, Hill had never “wasted time” on poetry, and she found that to be a shocking gap in his education. One day during lunch, when she found him alone in the small museum with the arranged skeletons, shamefully eating the bun that formed his midday meal, she hesitated, then returned to slyly lend him a volume of Browning. He stood sideways to her and took the book rather awkwardly since he was holding the bun in his other hand. In hindsight, his voice didn’t have the cheerful clarity he would have liked.
That occurred after the examination in comparative anatomy, on the day before the College turned out its students, and was carefully locked up by the officials, for the Christmas holidays. The excitement of cramming for the first trial of strength had for a little while dominated Hill, to the exclusion of his other interests. In the forecasts of the result in which[284] everyone indulged, he was surprised to find that no one regarded him as a possible competitor for the Harvey Commemoration Medal, of which this and the two subsequent examinations disposed. It was about this time that Wedderburn, who so far had lived inconspicuously on the uttermost margin of Hill’s perceptions, began to take on the appearance of an obstacle. By a mutual agreement, the nocturnal prowlings with Thorpe ceased for the three weeks before the examination, and his landlady pointed out that she really could not supply so much lamp oil at the price. He walked to and fro from the College with little slips of mnemonics in his hand, lists of crayfish appendages, rabbits’ skull-bones, and vertebrate nerves, for example, and became a positive nuisance to foot passengers in the opposite direction.
That happened after the exam in comparative anatomy, the day before the College dismissed its students for the Christmas holidays. The pressure of studying for the first big test had briefly consumed Hill, pushing aside his other interests. When everyone speculated about the results, he was surprised to see that no one saw him as a potential contender for the Harvey Commemoration Medal, which this exam and the next two would determine. Around this time, Wedderburn, who had previously been barely noticeable to Hill, started to seem like a threat. By mutual agreement, the late-night outings with Thorpe stopped for the three weeks leading up to the exam, and his landlady pointed out that she really couldn’t provide that much lamp oil for the price he was paying. He paced back and forth from the College with little notes in his hands, studying lists of crayfish parts, rabbit skull bones, and vertebrate nerves, and became a real nuisance to pedestrians coming the other way.
But, by a natural reaction, Poetry and the girl with the brown eyes ruled the Christmas holiday. The pending results of the examination became such a secondary consideration that Hill marvelled at his father’s excitement. Even had he wished it, there was no comparative anatomy to read in Landport, and he was too poor to buy books, but the stock of poets in the library was extensive, and Hill’s attack was magnificently sustained. He saturated himself with the fluent numbers of Longfellow and Tennyson, and fortified himself with Shakespeare; found a kindred soul in Pope, and a master in Shelley, and heard and fled the siren voices of Eliza Cook and Mrs. Hemans. But he read no more Browning, because he hoped for the loan of other volumes from Miss Haysman when he returned to London.
But naturally, poetry and the girl with brown eyes took over the Christmas holiday. The upcoming exam results became such a minor issue that Hill was amazed by his father’s excitement. Even if he wanted to, there was no comparative anatomy to study in Landport, and he couldn’t afford to buy books, but the library had a vast collection of poets, and Hill’s enthusiasm was impressive. He immersed himself in the flowing verses of Longfellow and Tennyson, strengthened himself with Shakespeare, found a kindred spirit in Pope, and a master in Shelley, while he listened to and avoided the enticing works of Eliza Cook and Mrs. Hemans. But he didn’t read any more Browning because he hoped to borrow other books from Miss Haysman when he returned to London.
He walked from his lodgings to the College with that volume of Browning in his shiny black bag, and his mind teeming with the finest general propositions about poetry. Indeed, he framed first this little speech and then that with which to grace the return. The morning was an exceptionally pleasant one for London; there was a clear, hard frost and undeniable blue in the sky, a thin haze softened every outline, and warm shafts of sunlight struck between the house blocks and turned the sunny side of the street to amber and gold. In the hall of the College he pulled off his glove and signed his name with fingers so stiff with cold that the characteristic dash under the signature he cultivated became a quivering line. He imagined Miss Haysman about him everywhere. He turned at the staircase, and there, below, he saw a crowd struggling at the foot of the notice-board. This, possibly, was the biology list. He forgot Browning and Miss Haysman for the moment, and joined the scrimmage. And at last, with his cheek flattened against the sleeve of the man on the step above him, he read the list—
He walked from his place to the College with a copy of Browning in his shiny black bag, and his mind buzzing with great ideas about poetry. He actually put together a few little speeches to impress everyone when he got back. The morning was unusually nice for London; there was a clear, crisp frost and a bright blue sky, a thin haze softened every shape, and warm rays of sunlight filtered between the buildings, turning the sunny side of the street to amber and gold. In the College hall, he took off his glove and signed his name with fingers so cold that the characteristic dash he liked to use became a shaky line. He imagined Miss Haysman was everywhere around him. He turned at the staircase and, looking down, he saw a crowd gathered at the notice board. This was probably the biology list. He momentarily forgot about Browning and Miss Haysman and jumped into the crowd. Finally, with his cheek pressed against the sleeve of the man on the step above him, he read the list—
CLASS I
CLASS 1
- H. J. Somers Wedderburn
- William Hill
and thereafter followed a second class that is outside our present sympathies. It was characteristic that he did not trouble to look for Thorpe on the physics list, but backed out of the struggle at once, and in a[286] curious emotional state between pride over common second-class humanity and acute disappointment at Wedderburn’s success, went on his way upstairs. At the top, as he was hanging up his coat in the passage, the zoological demonstrator, a young man from Oxford, who secretly regarded him as a blatant “mugger” of the very worst type, offered his heartiest congratulations.
and then he moved on to a second class that is outside our current interests. It was typical that he didn’t bother to check for Thorpe on the physics list, but instantly stepped back from the competition. In a[286] strange emotional state of being both proud of ordinary second-class humanity and really disappointed by Wedderburn’s success, he continued on his way upstairs. At the top, as he was hanging up his coat in the hallway, the zoological demonstrator, a young guy from Oxford who secretly viewed him as a loud “mugger” of the worst kind, extended his warmest congratulations.
At the laboratory door Hill stopped for a second to get his breath, and then entered. He looked straight up the laboratory and saw all five girl students grouped in their places, and Wedderburn, the once retiring Wedderburn, leaning rather gracefully against the window, playing with the blind tassel and talking, apparently, to the five of them. Now, Hill could talk bravely enough and even overbearingly to one girl, and he could have made a speech to a roomful of girls, but this business of standing at ease and appreciating, fencing, and returning quick remarks round a group was, he knew, altogether beyond him. Coming up the staircase his feelings for Wedderburn had been generous, a certain admiration perhaps, a willingness to shake his hand conspicuously and heartily as one who had fought but the first round. But before Christmas Wedderburn had never gone up to that end of the room to talk. In a flash Hill’s mist of vague excitement condensed abruptly to a vivid dislike of Wedderburn. Possibly his expression changed. As he came up to his place, Wedderburn nodded carelessly to him, and the others glanced round. Miss Haysman looked at him and away again, the faintest touch of her[287] eyes. “I can’t agree with you, Mr. Wedderburn,” she said.
At the laboratory door, Hill paused for a moment to catch his breath before stepping inside. He looked straight up the lab and saw all five female students gathered in their spots, with Wedderburn—the once shy Wedderburn—leaning quite gracefully against the window, playing with the tassel of the blind and seemingly talking to all five of them. Hill could confidently speak to one girl, and even give a speech to a room full of girls, but he knew that casually mingling, fencing verbally, and exchanging quick remarks in a group was completely beyond him. As he climbed the stairs, he felt a sense of admiration for Wedderburn, perhaps even a desire to shake his hand openly and warmly as if they had just fought the first round together. But before Christmas, Wedderburn had never ventured over to that side of the room to chat. In an instant, Hill's haze of vague excitement turned sharply into a strong dislike for Wedderburn. His expression might have changed. As he approached his spot, Wedderburn casually nodded at him, and the others glanced over. Miss Haysman looked at him and then looked away, the faintest hint of her eyes. “I can’t agree with you, Mr. Wedderburn,” she said.
“I must congratulate you on your first class, Mr. Hill,” said the spectacled girl in green, turning round and beaming at him.
“I have to congratulate you on your first class, Mr. Hill,” said the girl in green with glasses, turning around and smiling at him.
“It’s nothing,” said Hill, staring at Wedderburn and Miss Haysman talking together, and eager to hear what they talked about.
“It’s nothing,” said Hill, watching Wedderburn and Miss Haysman chatting and eager to hear what they were saying.
“We poor folks in the second class don’t think so,” said the girl in spectacles.
“We poor people in second class don’t think so,” said the girl in glasses.
What was it Wedderburn was saying? Something about William Morris! Hill did not answer the girl in spectacles, and the smile died out of his face. He could not hear, and failed to see how he could “cut in.” Confound Wedderburn! He sat down, opened his bag, hesitated whether to return the volume of Browning forthwith, in the sight of all, and instead drew out his new notebooks for the short course in elementary botany that was now beginning, and which would terminate in February. As he did so, a fat, heavy man, with a white face and pale grey eyes, Bindon, the professor of botany, who came up from Kew for January and February, came in by the lecture theatre door, and passed, rubbing his hands together and smiling, in silent affability down the laboratory.
What was Wedderburn talking about? Something about William Morris! Hill didn’t respond to the girl in glasses, and his smile faded. He couldn’t hear and didn’t know how to jump into the conversation. Damn Wedderburn! He sat down, opened his bag, hesitated about whether to immediately return the volume of Browning in front of everyone, and instead took out his new notebooks for the short course in basic botany that was starting now and would end in February. As he did this, a chubby, heavyset man with a pale face and light grey eyes, Bindon, the botany professor who came up from Kew for January and February, walked in through the lecture theater door, rubbing his hands together and smiling as he moved through the lab in friendly silence.
In the subsequent six weeks Hill experienced some very rapid and curiously complex emotional developments. For the most part he had Wedderburn in focus—a fact that Miss Haysman never suspected. She told Hill (for in the comparative privacy of the[288] museum she talked a good deal to him of socialism and Browning and general propositions) that she had met Wedderburn at the house of some people she knew, and “he’s inherited his cleverness; for his father, you know, is the great eye specialist.”
In the next six weeks, Hill went through some really fast and strangely complicated emotional changes. Mostly, he was focused on Wedderburn—a detail that Miss Haysman never realized. She talked to Hill (since they had some privacy in the [288] museum, she often discussed socialism, Browning, and general ideas) about how she had met Wedderburn at the home of people she knew, and “he’s inherited his intelligence; his father, you know, is the famous eye specialist.”
“My father is a cobbler,” said Hill, quite irrelevantly, and perceived the want of dignity even as he said it. But the gleam of jealousy did not offend her. She conceived herself the fundamental source of it. He suffered bitterly from a sense of Wedderburn’s unfairness, and a realisation of his own handicap. Here was this Wedderburn had picked up a prominent man for a father, and instead of his losing so many marks on the score of that advantage, it was counted to him for righteousness! And while Hill had to introduce himself and talk to Miss Haysman clumsily over mangled guineapigs in the laboratory, this Wedderburn, in some backstairs way, had access to her social altitudes, and could converse in a polished argot that Hill understood perhaps, but felt incapable of speaking. Not, of course, that he wanted to. Then it seemed to Hill that for Wedderburn to come there day after day with cuffs unfrayed, neatly tailored, precisely barbered, quietly perfect, was in itself an ill-bred, sneering sort of proceeding. Moreover, it was a stealthy thing for Wedderburn to behave insignificantly for a space, to mock modesty, to lead Hill to fancy that he himself was beyond dispute the man of the year, and then suddenly to dart in front of him, and incontinently to swell up in this fashion. In addition to these things, Wedderburn displayed an increasing[289] disposition to join in any conversational grouping that included Miss Haysman, and would venture, and indeed seek occasion, to pass opinions derogatory to socialism and atheism. He goaded Hill to incivilities by neat, shallow, and exceedingly effective personalities about the socialist leaders, until Hill hated Bernard Shaw’s graceful egotisms, William Morris’s limited editions and luxurious wall-papers, and Walter Crane’s charmingly absurd ideal working men, about as much as he hated Wedderburn. The dissertations in the laboratory, that had been his glory in the previous term, became a danger, degenerated into inglorious tussles with Wedderburn, and Hill kept to them only out of an obscure perception that his honour was involved. In the debating society Hill knew quite clearly that, to a thunderous accompaniment of banged desks, he could have pulverised Wedderburn. Only Wedderburn never attended the debating society to be pulverised, because—nauseous affectation!—he “dined late.”
“My dad is a cobbler,” Hill said, completely out of nowhere, and he felt the lack of dignity even as he uttered it. But the hint of jealousy didn’t bother her. She thought of herself as the root of it all. He was deeply troubled by Wedderburn’s unfairness and acutely aware of his own disadvantages. Here was Wedderburn, who had a prominent man as a father, and instead of losing points because of that privilege, it was seen as a virtue! While Hill had to introduce himself and awkwardly chat with Miss Haysman over mangled guinea pigs in the lab, Wedderburn was somehow able to maneuver his way into her social circle, speaking the polished language that Hill understood but felt incapable of using. Not that he wanted to, of course. It struck Hill as rude and arrogant for Wedderburn to come in every day looking impeccable, with tailored clothes and neat hair. Moreover, it was sneaky of Wedderburn to act modest for a while, making Hill think he was clearly the top guy, and then suddenly to step in front of him and puff himself up like this. On top of all this, Wedderburn showed an increasing tendency to join any conversation that included Miss Haysman, and he would jump at the chance to express derogatory opinions about socialism and atheism. He provoked Hill into rudeness with his polished, shallow remarks about socialist leaders until Hill hated Bernard Shaw’s graceful self-importance, William Morris’s fancy editions and lavish wallpapers, and Walter Crane’s charmingly ridiculous ideal of working men just as much as he hated Wedderburn. The discussions in the lab, which had been his pride the previous term, turned into a constant struggle with Wedderburn, and Hill only kept at them out of a vague sense of honor. In the debating society, Hill knew very well that, amidst the thunderous banging of desks, he could have crushed Wedderburn. But Wedderburn never showed up at the debating society to be crushed, because—such an annoying affectation!—he “dined late.”
You must not imagine that these things presented themselves in quite such a crude form to Hill’s perception. Hill was a born generaliser. Wedderburn to him was not so much an individual obstacle as a type, the salient angle of a class. The economic theories that, after infinite ferment, had shaped themselves in Hill’s mind, became abruptly concrete at the contact. The world became full of easy-mannered, graceful, gracefully-dressed, conversationally dexterous, finally shallow Wedderburns, Bishops Wedderburn, Wedderburn M.P.’s, Professors Wedderburn, Wedderburn landlords, all with finger-bowl shibboleths and epigrammatic[290] cities of refuge from a sturdy debater. And everyone ill-clothed or ill-dressed, from the cobbler to the cab-runner, was a man and a brother, a fellow-sufferer, to Hill’s imagination. So that he became, as it were, a champion of the fallen and oppressed, albeit to outward seeming only a self-assertive, ill-mannered young man, and an unsuccessful champion at that. Again and again a skirmish over the afternoon tea that the girl students had inaugurated, left Hill with flushed cheeks and a tattered temper, and the debating society noticed a new quality of sarcastic bitterness in his speeches.
You shouldn’t think that these events appeared in such a blunt way to Hill. He was a natural generalizer. To him, Wedderburn wasn’t just a personal hurdle; he represented a type, a key example of a class. The economic ideas that had formed in Hill’s mind after much turmoil suddenly became clear when they came into contact with reality. The world was filled with smooth-talking, stylishly dressed, socially skilled, but ultimately superficial Wedderburns—Bishop Wedderburn, M.P. Wedderburn, Professor Wedderburn, and landlord Wedderburns—all with their polite phrases and clever little sayings, creating safe havens from a strong debater. Meanwhile, everyone poorly dressed or badly put together, from the cobbler to the cab driver, became a brother in arms, a fellow sufferer, in Hill’s eyes. So, he turned into a sort of champion for the downtrodden and oppressed, even if he appeared on the surface to be just a brash, rude young man, and not a very successful champion at that. Time and again, a clash during the afternoon tea that the female students had started left Hill with flushed cheeks and a frayed temper, and the debating society began to notice a new edge of sarcastic bitterness in his speeches.
You will understand now how it was necessary, if only in the interests of humanity, that Hill should demolish Wedderburn in the forthcoming examination and outshine him in the eyes of Miss Haysman; and you will perceive, too, how Miss Haysman fell into some common feminine misconceptions. The Hill-Wedderburn quarrel, for in his unostentatious way Wedderburn reciprocated Hill’s ill-veiled rivalry, became a tribute to her indefinable charm; she was the Queen of Beauty in a tournament of scalpels and stumpy pencils. To her confidential friend’s secret annoyance, it even troubled her conscience, for she was a good girl, and painfully aware, from Ruskin and contemporary fiction, how entirely men’s activities are determined by women’s attitudes. And if Hill never by any chance mentioned the topic of love to her, she only credited him with the finer modesty for that omission.
You can see now why it was necessary, even just for the sake of humanity, for Hill to defeat Wedderburn in the upcoming exam and impress Miss Haysman; and you'll also notice how Miss Haysman fell into some typical misunderstandings that women often have. The conflict between Hill and Wedderburn, where Wedderburn subtly matched Hill’s not-so-hidden rivalry, became a testament to her mysterious charm; she was the Queen of Beauty in a competition filled with scalpels and blunt pencils. To her best friend’s secret frustration, it even weighed on her conscience because she was a good person, fully aware—thanks to Ruskin and modern novels—of how much men's actions are influenced by women's opinions. And even though Hill never brought up the subject of love with her, she only thought of him as having a finer sense of modesty for refraining from it.
So the time came on for the second examination,[291] and Hill’s increasing pallor confirmed the general rumour that he was working hard. In the aërated bread shop near South Kensington Station you would see him, breaking his bun and sipping his milk, with his eyes intent upon a paper of closely written notes. In his bedroom there were propositions about buds and stems round his looking-glass, a diagram to catch his eye, if soap should chance to spare it, above his washing basin. He missed several meetings of the debating society, but he found the chance encounters with Miss Haysman in the spacious ways of the adjacent art museum, or in the little museum at the top of the College, or in the College corridors, more frequent and very restful. In particular, they used to meet in a little gallery full of wrought-iron chests and gates, near the art library, and there Hill used to talk, under the gentle stimulus of her flattering attention, of Browning and his personal ambitions. A characteristic she found remarkable in him was his freedom from avarice. He contemplated quite calmly the prospect of living all his life on an income below a hundred pounds a year. But he was determined to be famous, to make, recognisably in his own proper person, the world a better place to live in. He took Bradlaugh and John Burns for his leaders and models, poor, even impecunious, great men. But Miss Haysman thought that such lives were deficient on the æsthetic side, by which, though she did not know it, she meant good wall-paper and upholstery, pretty books, tasteful clothes, concerts, and meals nicely cooked and respectfully served.
So the time came for the second exam,[291] and Hill’s growing pale complexion confirmed the general rumor that he was studying hard. In the bakery near South Kensington Station, you would find him breaking his bun and sipping milk, with his eyes focused on a sheet of closely written notes. In his bedroom, there were notes about buds and stems around his mirror, and a diagram to catch his eye, if soap happened to spare it, above his sink. He missed several meetings of the debate club, but he found the random encounters with Miss Haysman in the spacious halls of the nearby art museum, or in the small museum at the top of the College, or in the College corridors, more frequent and very refreshing. They often met in a small gallery filled with wrought-iron chests and gates, near the art library, and there Hill would talk, under the gentle encouragement of her flattering attention, about Browning and his personal ambitions. One characteristic she found remarkable about him was his lack of greed. He calmly contemplated the idea of living his entire life on an income below a hundred pounds a year. But he was determined to be famous, to make the world a better place to live in, in his own unique way. He looked up to Bradlaugh and John Burns as his leaders and role models, poor, even broke, but great men. However, Miss Haysman thought that such lives lacked aesthetic appeal, by which, although she didn’t realize it, she meant nice wall-paper and upholstery, beautiful books, stylish clothes, concerts, and well-prepared meals served with respect.
At last came the day of the second examination, and the professor of botany, a fussy, conscientious man, rearranged all the tables in a long narrow laboratory to prevent copying, and put his demonstrator on a chair on a table (where he felt, he said, like a Hindoo god), to see all the cheating, and stuck a notice outside the door, “Door closed,” for no earthly reason that any human being could discover. And all the morning from ten till one the quill of Wedderburn shrieked defiance at Hill’s, and the quills of the others chased their leaders in a tireless pack, and so also it was in the afternoon. Wedderburn was a little quieter than usual, and Hill’s face was hot all day, and his overcoat bulged with textbooks and notebooks against the last moment’s revision. And the next day, in the morning and in the afternoon, was the practical examination, when sections had to be cut and slides identified. In the morning Hill was depressed because he knew he had cut a thick section, and in the afternoon came the mysterious slip.
At last, the day of the second exam arrived, and the botany professor, who was fussy and detail-oriented, rearranged all the tables in the long, narrow lab to prevent cheating. He placed his assistant on a chair atop a table (where he said he felt like a Hindu god) to monitor for any dishonesty, and put up a sign outside the door that read “Door closed,” for reasons no one could figure out. All morning, from ten to one, Wedderburn’s pen was defiantly racing against Hill’s, while the other students chased their leaders in an endless pursuit. Wedderburn was a bit quieter than usual, and Hill’s face was flushed all day, his overcoat stuffed with textbooks and notes for last-minute revision. The next day, both in the morning and afternoon, was the practical exam, which involved cutting sections and identifying slides. In the morning, Hill felt down because he knew he had cut a thick section, and in the afternoon, something mysterious happened.
It was just the kind of thing that the botanical professor was always doing. Like the income tax, it offered a premium to the cheat. It was a preparation under the microscope, a little glass slip, held in its place on the stage of the instrument by light steel clips, and the inscription set forth that the slip was not to be moved. Each student was to go in turn to it, sketch it, write in his book of answers what he considered it to be, and return to his place. Now, to move such a slip is a thing one can do by a chance movement of the finger, and in a fraction of a second.[293] The professor’s reason for decreeing that the slip should not be moved depended on the fact that the object he wanted identified was characteristic of a certain tree stem. In the position in which it was placed it was a difficult thing to recognise, but once the slip was moved so as to bring other parts of the preparation into view, its nature was obvious enough.
It was exactly the sort of thing the botany professor always did. Like with income tax, it encouraged people to cheat. It was a preparation under the microscope, a small glass slide held in place on the stage of the instrument by light steel clips, and the label stated that the slide was not to be moved. Each student would take turns approaching it, sketch it, write in their answer book what they thought it was, and then return to their seat. Now, moving such a slide can happen with just a casual flick of the finger, in no time at all.[293] The professor's reason for insisting that the slide should not be moved was that the object he wanted identified was typical of a certain type of tree stem. In the position it was in, it was tough to recognize, but as soon as the slide was moved to reveal other parts of the preparation, its nature became quite clear.
Hill came to this, flushed from a contest with staining re-agents, sat down on the little stool before the microscope, turned the mirror to get the best light, and then, out of sheer habit, shifted the slip. At once he remembered the prohibition, and, with an almost continuous motion of his hands, moved it back, and sat paralysed with astonishment at his action.
Hill arrived, his face red from a battle with staining agents, sat on the small stool in front of the microscope, adjusted the mirror for optimal light, and then, just out of habit, shifted the slide. In an instant, he recalled the rule against it and, with a nearly seamless motion, moved it back, sitting there frozen in disbelief at what he had just done.
Then, slowly, he turned his head. The professor was out of the room; the demonstrator sat aloft on his impromptu rostrum, reading the Q. Jour. Mi. Sci.; the rest of the examinees were busy, and with their backs to him. Should he own up to the accident now? He knew quite clearly what the thing was. It was a lenticel, a characteristic preparation from the elder-tree. His eyes roved over his intent fellow-students, and Wedderburn suddenly glanced over his shoulder at him with a queer expression in his eyes. The mental excitement that had kept Hill at an abnormal pitch of vigour these two days gave way to a curious nervous tension. His book of answers was beside him. He did not write down what the thing was, but with one eye at the microscope he began making a hasty sketch of it.[294] His mind was full of this grotesque puzzle in ethics that had suddenly been sprung upon him. Should he identify it? or should he leave this question unanswered? In that case Wedderburn would probably come out first in the second result. How could he tell now whether he might not have identified the thing without shifting it? It was possible that Wedderburn had failed to recognise it, of course. Suppose Wedderburn too had shifted the slide? He looked up at the clock. There were fifteen minutes in which to make up his mind. He gathered up his book of answers and the coloured pencils he used in illustrating his replies, and walked back to his seat.
Then, slowly, he turned his head. The professor was out of the room; the demonstrator sat high on his makeshift platform, reading the Q. Jour. Mi. Sci.; the other examinees were focused and had their backs to him. Should he admit to the accident now? He clearly understood what it was. It was a lenticel, a typical sample from the elder tree. His eyes wandered over his focused fellow students, and Wedderburn suddenly glanced back at him with a strange look in his eyes. The mental excitement that had kept Hill unusually energized these past two days shifted to a strange nervous tension. His answer booklet was beside him. He didn’t write down what it was, but with one eye on the microscope, he began sketching it quickly.[294] His mind was filled with this bizarre ethical dilemma that had suddenly been thrust upon him. Should he identify it? Or should he leave the question unanswered? In that case, Wedderburn would likely score higher in the second round. How could he know if he might not have identified the thing without moving it? It was possible that Wedderburn had failed to recognize it, of course. What if Wedderburn had also moved the slide? He glanced at the clock. There were fifteen minutes left to decide. He picked up his answer booklet and the colored pencils he used for illustrations and walked back to his seat.
He read through his manuscript, and then sat thinking and gnawing his knuckle. It would look queer now if he owned up. He must beat Wedderburn. He forgot the examples of those starry gentlemen, John Burns and Bradlaugh. Besides, he reflected, the glimpse of the rest of the slip he had had was, after all, quite accidental, forced upon him by chance, a kind of providential revelation rather than an unfair advantage. It was not nearly so dishonest to avail himself of that as it was of Broome, who believed in the efficacy of prayer, to pray daily for a first-class. “Five minutes more,” said the demonstrator, folding up his paper and becoming observant. Hill watched the clock hands until two minutes remained; then he opened the book of answers, and, with hot ears and an affectation of ease, gave his drawing of the lenticel its name.
He went through his manuscript and then sat there, thinking and chewing on his knuckle. It would look weird now if he admitted it. He had to beat Wedderburn. He forgot about those amazing guys, John Burns and Bradlaugh. Besides, he thought, the quick look at the rest of the slip he'd had was, after all, totally accidental, just something that happened by chance, more like a lucky revelation than an unfair edge. It wasn't nearly as dishonest to use that as it was for Broome, who believed in the power of prayer, to pray daily for a top grade. “Five more minutes,” said the demonstrator, folding up his paper and starting to pay attention. Hill watched the clock until there were two minutes left; then he opened the answer book, and, with hot ears and a fake sense of calm, named his drawing of the lenticel.
When the second pass list appeared, the previous positions of Wedderburn and Hill were reversed, and the spectacled girl in green, who knew the demonstrator in private life (where he was practically human), said that in the result of the two examinations taken together Hill had the advantage of a mark—167 to 166 out of a possible 200. Everyone admired Hill in a way, though the suspicion of “mugging” clung to him. But Hill was to find congratulations and Miss Haysman’s enhanced opinion of him, and even the decided decline in the crest of Wedderburn, tainted by an unhappy memory. He felt a remarkable access of energy at first, and the note of a democracy marching to triumph returned to his debating society speeches; he worked at his comparative anatomy with tremendous zeal and effect, and he went on with his æsthetic education. But through it all, a vivid little picture was continually coming before his mind’s eye—of a sneakish person manipulating a slide.
When the second pass list came out, the earlier positions of Wedderburn and Hill were switched. The girl in green with glasses, who knew the demonstrator personally (when he was pretty much human), pointed out that when you looked at both exams together, Hill had the edge with a score of 167 to 166 out of a possible 200. Everyone admired Hill to some extent, even though there was some suspicion that he had been "mugging." But Hill would soon experience congratulations and Miss Haysman’s improved opinion of him, along with the noticeable drop in Wedderburn’s status, which was somewhat tainted by bad memories. Initially, Hill felt a significant boost of energy, and the spirit of a democratic triumph returned to his debating society speeches. He tackled his comparative anatomy studies with incredible enthusiasm and effectiveness and continued to pursue his aesthetic education. Yet throughout it all, a vivid image kept coming to his mind—of a sneaky person fiddling with a slide.
No human being had witnessed the act, and he was cocksure that no higher power existed to see it; but for all that it worried him. Memories are not dead things, but alive; they dwindle in disuse, but they harden and develop in all sorts of queer ways if they are being continually fretted. Curiously enough, though at the time he perceived clearly that the shifting was accidental, as the days wore on, his memory became confused about it, until at last he was not sure—although he assured himself that he was sure—whether the movement had been absolutely involuntary. Then it is possible that Hill’s dietary[296] was conducive to morbid conscientiousness; a breakfast frequently eaten in a hurry, a midday bun, and, at such hours after five as chanced to be convenient, such meat as his means determined, usually in a chophouse in a back street off the Brompton Road. Occasionally he treated himself to threepenny or ninepenny classics, and they usually represented a suppression of potatoes or chops. It is indisputable that outbreaks of self-abasement and emotional revival have a distinct relation to periods of scarcity. But apart from this influence on the feelings, there was in Hill a distinct aversion to falsity that the blasphemous Landport cobbler had inculcated by strap and tongue from his earliest years. Of one fact about professed atheists I am convinced; they may be—they usually are—fools, void of subtlety, revilers of holy institutions, brutal speakers, and mischievous knaves, but they lie with difficulty. If it were not so, if they had the faintest grasp of the idea of compromise, they would simply be liberal churchmen. And, moreover, this memory poisoned his regard for Miss Haysman. For she now so evidently preferred him to Wedderburn that he felt sure he cared for her, and began reciprocating her attentions by timid marks of personal regard; at one time he even bought a bunch of violets, carried it about in his pocket, and produced it, with a stumbling explanation, withered and dead, in the gallery of old iron. It poisoned, too, the denunciation of capitalist dishonesty that had been one of his life’s pleasures. And, lastly, it poisoned his triumph in Wedderburn. Previously he had been Wedderburn’s superior in his[297] own eyes, and had raged simply at a want of recognition. Now he began to fret at the darker suspicion of positive inferiority. He fancied he found justifications for his position in Browning, but they vanished on analysis. At last—moved, curiously enough, by exactly the same motive forces that had resulted in his dishonesty—he went to Professor Bindon, and made a clean breast of the whole affair. As Hill was a paid student, Professor Bindon did not ask him to sit down, and he stood before the professor’s desk as he made his confession.
No one had seen the act, and he was completely confident that no higher power was watching; still, it troubled him. Memories aren't dead—they're alive; they fade away when ignored, but they can become solid and evolve in strange ways when constantly worried over. Interestingly, although he initially understood that the shift was accidental, as time passed, his memory became muddled, and eventually he doubted—despite convincing himself that he was certain—whether the movement had really been completely involuntary. It’s possible that Hill’s diet[296] contributed to his troubled conscience; a breakfast he often rushed through, a bun at lunchtime, and whatever meat his budget allowed for dinner, usually at a chophouse off the Brompton Road. Occasionally, he splurged on a threepenny or ninepenny classic, usually sacrificing potatoes or chops. It's clear that feelings of self-doubt and emotional upheaval are linked to times of scarcity. Beyond that, Hill had a strong aversion to dishonesty instilled in him by the blasphemous Landport cobbler since childhood. One thing I'm convinced of about self-proclaimed atheists is this: they might be foolish, lacking in depth, critical of holy institutions, blunt in their speech, and troublesome tricksters, but they struggle to lie. If they had even a hint of the idea of compromise, they would simply be liberal churchgoers. Moreover, this memory soured his feelings for Miss Haysman. She clearly preferred him to Wedderburn, which led him to believe he cared for her, and he began to respond to her affection with shy signs of warmth; at one point, he even purchased a bunch of violets, carried them in his pocket, and presented them, awkwardly and with a stammer, wilting and lifeless, in the gallery of old iron. It also tainted his critique of capitalist dishonesty, which had been one of the pleasures in his life. Finally, it poisoned his victory over Wedderburn. Previously, he had seen himself as superior to Wedderburn and felt angry at not being recognized. Now he started to worry about the unsettling suspicion of being genuinely inferior. He thought he found validation in Browning, but those justifications disappeared upon closer inspection. Ultimately—curiously motivated by the same reasons that led to his dishonesty—he approached Professor Bindon and laid everything bare. Since Hill was a paying student, Professor Bindon didn't ask him to sit down, so he stood before the professor's desk while he confessed.
“It’s a curious story,” said Professor Bindon, slowly realising how the thing reflected on himself, and then letting his anger rise,—“A most remarkable story. I can’t understand your doing it, and I can’t understand this avowal. You’re a type of student—Cambridge men would never dream—I suppose I ought to have thought—Why did you cheat?”
“It’s an interesting story,” said Professor Bindon, slowly realizing how it reflected on him, and then letting his anger rise, “A really remarkable story. I don’t understand why you did it, and I can’t understand this confession. You’re a typical student—Cambridge guys would never even think of it—I guess I should have considered—Why did you cheat?”
“I didn’t—cheat,” said Hill.
"I didn't cheat," said Hill.
“But you have just been telling me you did.”
“But you just told me you did.”
“I thought I explained”—
"I thought I explained it"
“Either you cheated or you did not cheat.”
“Either you cheated or you didn’t cheat.”
“I said my motion was involuntary.”
“I said my movement was unintentional.”
“I am not a metaphysician, I am a servant of science—of fact. You were told not to move the slip. You did move the slip. If that is not cheating”—
“I’m not a metaphysician; I’m a servant of science—of fact. You were told not to move the slip. You moved the slip. If that’s not cheating—”
“If I was a cheat,” said Hill, with the note of hysterics in his voice, “should I come here and tell you?”
“If I were a cheat,” said Hill, his voice trembling with hysteria, “would I come here and tell you?”
“Your repentance, of course, does you credit,” said[298] Professor Bindon, “but it does not alter the original facts.”
“Your repentance, of course, is commendable,” said[298] Professor Bindon, “but it doesn't change the original facts.”
“No, sir,” said Hill, giving in in utter self-abasement.
“No, sir,” Hill replied, conceding in complete humility.
“Even now you cause an enormous amount of trouble. The examination list will have to be revised.”
“Even now you're causing a huge amount of trouble. The exam list will need to be revised.”
“I suppose so, sir.”
"I guess so, sir."
“Suppose so? Of course it must be revised. And I don’t see how I can conscientiously pass you.”
“Is that so? Of course it needs to be revised. And I don’t see how I can honestly pass you.”
“Not pass me?” said Hill. “Fail me?”
“Not pass me?” Hill said. “Fail me?”
“It’s the rule in all examinations. Or where should we be? What else did you expect? You don’t want to shirk the consequences of your own acts?”
“It’s the rule in all exams. Otherwise, where would we be? What else did you expect? You don’t want to avoid the consequences of your own actions?”
“I thought, perhaps”—said Hill. And then, “Fail me? I thought, as I told you, you would simply deduct the marks given for that slip.”
“I thought, maybe”—said Hill. And then, “Fail me? I thought, as I told you, you would just take off the points for that mistake.”
“Impossible!” said Bindon. “Besides, it would still leave you above Wedderburn. Deduct only the marks—Preposterous! The Departmental Regulations distinctly say”—
“Impossible!” said Bindon. “Besides, it would still leave you ahead of Wedderburn. Just taking away the marks—Ridiculous! The Departmental Regulations clearly state—”
“But it’s my own admission, sir.”
“But it's my own admission, sir.”
“The Regulations say nothing whatever of the manner in which the matter comes to light. They simply provide”—
“The Regulations say nothing at all about how the matter is revealed. They just state—”
“It will ruin me. If I fail this examination, they won’t renew my scholarship.”
“It will ruin me. If I fail this exam, they won’t renew my scholarship.”
“You should have thought of that before.”
“You should have thought about that earlier.”
“But, sir, consider all my circumstances”—
“But, sir, think about all my circumstances”—
“I cannot consider anything. Professors in this College are machines. The Regulations will not even let us recommend our students for appointments. I[299] am a machine, and you have worked me. I have to do”—
“I can’t think about anything. The professors here are like machines. The rules won’t even let us suggest our students for jobs. I[299] am a machine, and you’ve pushed me to my limit. I have to do—”
“It’s very hard, sir.”
“It’s really tough, sir.”
“Possibly it is.”
"Maybe it is."
“If I am to be failed this examination, I might as well go home at once.”
“If I’m going to fail this exam, I might as well just go home now.”
“That is as you think proper.” Bindon’s voice softened a little; he perceived he had been unjust, and, provided he did not contradict himself, he was disposed to amelioration, “As a private person,” he said, “I think this confession of yours goes far to mitigate your offence. But you have set the machinery in motion, and now it must take its course. I—I am really sorry you gave way.”
"That's how you see it." Bindon's tone softened a bit; he realized he had been unfair, and as long as he didn't contradict himself, he was open to making things better. "As an individual," he said, "I believe your confession really helps lessen your wrongdoing. But you’ve set things in motion, and now it has to run its course. I—I honestly regret that you caved in."
A wave of emotion prevented Hill from answering. Suddenly, very vividly, he saw the heavily-lined face of the old Landport cobbler, his father. “Good God! What a fool I have been!” he said hotly and abruptly.
A surge of emotion stopped Hill from responding. Suddenly, he clearly remembered the weathered face of the old Landport cobbler, his dad. “Good God! What a fool I’ve been!” he exclaimed angrily and suddenly.
“I hope,” said Bindon, “that it will be a lesson to you.”
“I hope,” said Bindon, “that you'll learn from this.”
But, curiously enough, they were not thinking of quite the same indiscretion.
But, interestingly enough, they weren't thinking about the same mistake.
There was a pause.
There was a pause.
“I would like a day to think, sir, and then I will let you know—about going home, I mean,” said Hill, moving towards the door.
“I'd like a day to think, sir, and then I'll let you know—about going home, I mean,” said Hill, moving toward the door.
The next day Hill’s place was vacant. The spectacled girl in green was, as usual, first with the news. Wedderburn and Miss Haysman were talking of a performance of The Meistersingers when she came up to them.
The next day, Hill's place was empty. The girl in green with glasses was, as usual, the first one to share the news. Wedderburn and Miss Haysman were discussing a performance of The Meistersingers when she approached them.
“Have you heard?” she said.
“Did you hear?” she said.
“Heard what?”
"What did you say?"
“There was cheating in the examination.”
“There was cheating on the exam.”
“Cheating!” said Wedderburn, with his face suddenly hot. “How?”
“Cheating!” Wedderburn said, suddenly feeling hot in the face. “How?”
“That slide”—
“That slide”—
“Moved? Never!”
"Moved? No way!"
“It was. That slide that we weren’t to move”—
“It was. That slide that we weren’t supposed to touch”—
“Nonsense!” said Wedderburn. “Why! How could they find out? Who do they say—?”
“Nonsense!” said Wedderburn. “What? How could they find out? Who do they say—?”
“It was Mr. Hill.”
“It was Mr. Hill.”
“Hill!”
“Yo, Hill!”
“Mr. Hill!”
"Mr. Hill!"
“Not—surely not the immaculate Hill?” said Wedderburn, recovering.
“Not—definitely not the perfect Hill?” said Wedderburn, getting back on track.
“I don’t believe it,” said Miss Haysman. “How do you know?”
“I can’t believe it,” said Miss Haysman. “How do you know?”
“I didn’t,” said the girl in spectacles. “But I know it now for a fact. Mr. Hill went and confessed to Professor Bindon himself.”
“I didn't,” said the girl in glasses. “But I know it for sure now. Mr. Hill went and confessed to Professor Bindon himself.”
“By Jove!” said Wedderburn. “Hill of all people. But I am always inclined to distrust these philanthropists-on-principle”—
“Wow!” said Wedderburn. “Hill of all people. But I always tend to distrust these philanthropists who have principles”—
“Are you quite sure?” said Miss Haysman, with a catch in her breath.
“Are you really sure?” asked Miss Haysman, catching her breath.
“Quite. It’s dreadful, isn’t it? But, you know, what can you expect? His father is a cobbler.”
“Totally. It’s terrible, isn’t it? But, you know, what can you expect? His dad is a shoemaker.”
Then Miss Haysman astonished the girl in spectacles.
Then Miss Haysman surprised the girl in glasses.
“I don’t care. I will not believe it,” she said, flushing darkly under her warm-tinted skin. “I will not believe it until he has told me so himself—face to[301] face. I would scarcely believe it then,” and abruptly she turned her back on the girl in spectacles, and walked to her own place.
“I don’t care. I won’t believe it,” she said, her warm-toned skin flushing darkly. “I won’t believe it until he tells me himself—face to[301] face. I would hardly believe it then,” and she suddenly turned her back on the girl in glasses and walked away to her own spot.
“It’s true, all the same,” said the girl in spectacles, peering and smiling at Wedderburn.
“It’s true, still,” said the girl in glasses, looking closely and smiling at Wedderburn.
But Wedderburn did not answer her. She was indeed one of those people who seem destined to make unanswered remarks.
But Wedderburn didn’t reply to her. She was one of those people who always seemed to make comments that went unanswered.
THE END
THE END
PRINTED BY
MORRISON AND GIBB LIMITED, EDINBURGH
PRINTED BY
MORRISON AND GIBB LIMITED, EDINBURGH
Transcriber’s note
Transcription note
The original has been preserved, except for the following
corrections, on page
11 “contion” changed to “condition” (in an extremely dishevelled
condition.)
99 , changed to . (parables rather. Do you mean)
221 . added (but it hit him. Yes, ma’am)
257 ” removed (was his silly name for me.)
259 beginning double quotes added and nested double quotes changed
to single quotes (“‘Have you read it?’ ... ‘The bravest and the
best,’ said I again).
The original has been preserved, except for the following corrections, on page
11 “contion” changed to “condition” (in an extremely disheveled condition.)
99 , changed to . (parables rather. Do you mean)
221 . added (but it hit him. Yes, ma’am)
257 ” removed (was his silly name for me.)
259 beginning double quotes added and nested double quotes changed to single quotes (“‘Have you read it?’ ... ‘The bravest and the best,’ said I again).
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