This is a modern-English version of Flappers and Philosophers, originally written by Fitzgerald, F. Scott (Francis Scott).
It has been thoroughly updated, including changes to sentence structure, words, spelling,
and grammar—to ensure clarity for contemporary readers, while preserving the original spirit and nuance. If
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FLAPPERS AND PHILOSOPHERS
by
F. SCOTT FITZGERALD
To Zelda
To Zelda
Contents
The Offshore Pirate |
The Ice Palace |
Head and Shoulders |
The Cut-Glass Bowl |
Bernice Bobs Her Hair |
Benediction |
Dalyrimple Goes Wrong |
The Four Fists |
FLAPPERS AND PHILOSOPHERS
The Offshore Pirate
I
This unlikely story begins on a sea that was a blue dream, as colorful as blue-silk stockings, and beneath a sky as blue as the irises of children's eyes. From the western half of the sky the sun was shying little golden disks at the sea—if you gazed intently enough you could see them skip from wave tip to wave tip until they joined a broad collar of golden coin that was collecting half a mile out and would eventually be a dazzling sunset. About half-way between the Florida shore and the golden collar a white steam-yacht, very young and graceful, was riding at anchor and under a blue-and-white awning aft a yellow-haired girl reclined in a wicker settee reading The Revolt of the Angels, by Anatole France.
This unlikely story starts on a sea that looked like a blue dream, as colorful as blue silk stockings, and beneath a sky as blue as the irises in children's eyes. From the western part of the sky, the sun was casting little golden disks onto the sea—if you looked closely enough, you could see them skipping from wave to wave until they joined a broad band of golden coins about half a mile out, which would eventually become a stunning sunset. Halfway between the Florida shore and the golden band, a sleek, young white steam yacht was anchored, and under a blue-and-white awning at the back, a blonde girl was lounging in a wicker chair, reading The Revolt of the Angels by Anatole France.
She was about nineteen, slender and supple, with a spoiled alluring mouth and quick gray eyes full of a radiant curiosity. Her feet, stockingless, and adorned rather than clad in blue-satin slippers which swung nonchalantly from her toes, were perched on the arm of a settee adjoining the one she occupied. And as she read she intermittently regaled herself by a faint application to her tongue of a half-lemon that she held in her hand. The other half, sucked dry, lay on the deck at her feet and rocked very gently to and fro at the almost imperceptible motion of the tide.
She was about nineteen, slender and flexible, with a spoiled, attractive mouth and quick gray eyes full of bright curiosity. Her bare feet, dressed more decoratively than practically in blue satin slippers that dangled casually from her toes, rested on the arm of a nearby settee. As she read, she occasionally entertained herself by lightly touching her tongue to a half-lemon she held in her hand. The other half, completely sucked dry, lay on the deck at her feet, gently rocking back and forth with the almost imperceptible motion of the tide.
The second half-lemon was well-nigh pulpless and the golden collar had grown astonishing in width, when suddenly the drowsy silence which enveloped the yacht was broken by the sound of heavy footsteps and an elderly man topped with orderly gray hair and clad in a white-flannel suit appeared at the head of the companionway. There he paused for a moment until his eyes became accustomed to the sun, and then seeing the girl under the awning he uttered a long even grunt of disapproval.
The second half of the lemon was almost without pulp, and the golden collar had grown surprisingly wide when suddenly, the relaxed silence around the yacht was interrupted by the sound of heavy footsteps. An elderly man with neat gray hair, dressed in a white flannel suit, appeared at the top of the staircase. He paused for a moment to let his eyes adjust to the sunlight, and upon seeing the girl under the awning, he let out a long, even grunt of disapproval.
If he had intended thereby to obtain a rise of any sort he was doomed to disappointment. The girl calmly turned over two pages, turned back one, raised the lemon mechanically to tasting distance, and then very faintly but quite unmistakably yawned.
If he thought he was going to get any kind of reaction, he was going to be disappointed. The girl casually flipped through two pages, flipped back one, raised the lemon to her mouth to taste, and then, very subtly but clearly, yawned.
"Ardita!" said the gray-haired man sternly.
"Ardita!" said the older man firmly.
Ardita uttered a small sound indicating nothing.
Ardita made a small sound that meant nothing.
"Ardita!" he repeated. "Ardita!"
"Ardita!" he called again. "Ardita!"
Ardita raised the lemon languidly, allowing three words to slip out before it reached her tongue.
Ardita lifted the lemon slowly, letting three words escape before it touched her tongue.
"Oh, shut up."
"Ugh, be quiet."
"Ardita!"
"Ardita!"
"What?"
"Excuse me?"
"Will you listen to me—or will I have to get a servant to hold you while I talk to you?"
"Will you listen to me, or will I need to get someone to hold you while I talk?"
The lemon descended very slowly and scornfully.
The lemon fell very slowly and contemptuously.
"Put it in writing."
"Put it in writing."
"Will you have the decency to close that abominable book and discard that damn lemon for two minutes?"
"Can you please put down that terrible book and get rid of that annoying lemon for just two minutes?"
"Oh, can't you lemme alone for a second?"
"Oh, can't you leave me alone for a second?"
"Ardita, I have just received a telephone message from the shore——"
"Ardita, I just got a message by phone from the shore——"
"Telephone?" She showed for the first time a faint interest.
"Telephone?" For the first time, she displayed a slight interest.
"Yes, it was——"
"Yeah, it was——"
"Do you mean to say," she interrupted wonderingly, "'at they let you run a wire out here?"
"Are you saying," she interrupted in disbelief, "that they let you run a wire out here?"
"Yes, and just now——"
"Yes, and right now——"
"Won't other boats bump into it?"
"Won't other boats run into it?"
"No. It's run along the bottom. Five min——"
"No. It runs along the bottom. Five min——"
"Well, I'll be darned! Gosh! Science is golden or something—isn't it?"
"Wow, I can't believe it! Amazing! Science is incredible or something, isn't it?"
"Will you let me say what I started to?"
"Can I finish what I was saying?"
"Shoot!"
"Wow!"
"Well it seems—well, I am up here—" He paused and swallowed several times distractedly. "Oh, yes. Young woman, Colonel Moreland has called up again to ask me to be sure to bring you in to dinner. His son Toby has come all the way from New York to meet you and he's invited several other young people. For the last time, will you——"
"Well, it looks like—well, I’m up here—" He paused and swallowed a few times, seeming distracted. "Oh, right. Young lady, Colonel Moreland has called again to remind me to bring you to dinner. His son Toby has come all the way from New York to meet you, and he’s invited a few other young people too. For the last time, will you——"
"No," said Ardita shortly, "I won't. I came along on this darn cruise with the one idea of going to Palm Beach, and you knew it, and I absolutely refuse to meet any darn old colonel or any darn young Toby or any darn old young people or to set foot in any other darn old town in this crazy state. So you either take me to Palm Beach or else shut up and go away."
"No," Ardita said sharply, "I won't. I came on this stupid cruise with the sole idea of going to Palm Beach, and you knew that. I absolutely refuse to meet any old colonel, any young Toby, or anyone else, and I won’t step foot in any other town in this ridiculous state. So you either take me to Palm Beach or just shut up and leave."
"Very well. This is the last straw. In your infatuation for this man.—a man who is notorious for his excesses—a man your father would not have allowed to so much as mention your name—you have rejected the demi-monde rather than the circles in which you have presumably grown up. From now on——"
"Okay. This is the final limit. In your obsession with this man—a guy known for his wild lifestyle—a guy your father would never have let mention your name—you've turned your back on the lowlifes instead of the circles you supposedly grew up in. From now on——"
"I know," interrupted Ardita ironically, "from now on you go your way and I go mine. I've heard that story before. You know I'd like nothing better."
"I know," Ardita cut in sarcastically, "from now on you go your way and I'll go mine. I've heard that story before. You know I'd love nothing more."
"From now on," he announced grandiloquently, "you are no niece of mine. I——"
"From now on," he declared proudly, "you are no longer my niece. I——"
"O-o-o-oh!" The cry was wrung from Ardita with the agony of a lost soul. "Will you stop boring me! Will you go 'way! Will you jump overboard and drown! Do you want me to throw this book at you!"
"O-o-o-oh!" The cry escaped Ardita with the anguish of a lost soul. "Will you stop annoying me! Will you go away! Will you jump overboard and drown! Do you want me to throw this book at you!"
"If you dare do any——"
"If you dare do anything——"
Smack! The Revolt of the Angels sailed through the air, missed its target by the length of a short nose, and bumped cheerfully down the companionway.
Smack! The Revolt of the Angels flew through the air, just missing its target by the length of a short nose, and happily bounced down the hallway.
The gray-haired man made an instinctive step backward and then two cautious steps forward. Ardita jumped to her five feet four and stared at him defiantly, her gray eyes blazing.
The gray-haired man instinctively took a step back and then moved cautiously two steps forward. Ardita stood tall at five feet four and glared at him defiantly, her gray eyes blazing.
"Keep off!"
"Stay away!"
"How dare you!" he cried.
"How dare you!" he yelled.
"Because I darn please!"
"Because I want to!"
"You've grown unbearable! Your disposition——"
"You're being unbearable! Your attitude——"
"You've made me that way! No child ever has a bad disposition unless it's her fancy's fault! Whatever I am, you did it."
"You made me this way! No kid ever has a bad attitude unless it's because of their imagination! Whatever I am, you caused it."
Muttering something under his breath her uncle turned and, walking forward called in a loud voice for the launch. Then he returned to the awning, where Ardita had again seated herself and resumed her attention to the lemon.
Muttering something quietly, her uncle turned and, walking forward, shouted for the launch. Then he went back to the awning, where Ardita had sat down again and focused on the lemon once more.
"I am going ashore," he said slowly. "I will be out again at nine o'clock to-night. When I return we start back to New York, wither I shall turn you over to your aunt for the rest of your natural, or rather unnatural, life." He paused and looked at her, and then all at once something in the utter childness of her beauty seemed to puncture his anger like an inflated tire, and render him helpless, uncertain, utterly fatuous.
"I'm going ashore," he said slowly. "I'll be back out at nine o'clock tonight. When I return, we’ll head back to New York, where I’ll hand you over to your aunt for the rest of your life, or rather, your unnatural life." He paused and looked at her, and then suddenly, something about the pure childlike beauty of her seemed to deflate his anger like a popped tire, leaving him helpless, uncertain, and completely foolish.
"Ardita," he said not unkindly, "I'm no fool. I've been round. I know men. And, child, confirmed libertines don't reform until they're tired—and then they're not themselves—they're husks of themselves." He looked at her as if expecting agreement, but receiving no sight or sound of it he continued. "Perhaps the man loves you—that's possible. He's loved many women and he'll love many more. Less than a month ago, one month, Ardita, he was involved in a notorious affair with that red-haired woman, Mimi Merril; promised to give her the diamond bracelet that the Czar of Russia gave his mother. You know—you read the papers."
"Ardita," he said gently, "I'm not naive. I've seen the world. I know men. And, sweetheart, confirmed players don't change until they're worn out—and even then, they aren't really themselves—they're just shells of who they used to be." He looked at her, as if waiting for her to agree, but when he got no response, he went on. "Maybe the man cares about you—that's possible. He's loved many women and he'll love many more. Just a month ago, Ardita, he was caught up in a scandalous affair with that red-haired woman, Mimi Merril; he promised her the diamond bracelet that the Czar of Russia gave his mother. You know—you read the papers."
"Thrilling scandals by an anxious uncle," yawned Ardita. "Have it filmed. Wicked clubman making eyes at virtuous flapper. Virtuous flapper conclusively vamped by his lurid past. Plans to meet him at Palm Beach. Foiled by anxious uncle."
"Exciting drama involving an overprotective uncle," yawned Ardita. "Let’s film it. Bad guy flirting with a good girl. Good girl totally seduced by his shady background. She's planning to see him at Palm Beach. Stopped by the worried uncle."
"Will you tell me why the devil you want to marry him?"
"Can you please tell me why on earth you want to marry him?"
"I'm sure I couldn't say," said Audits shortly. "Maybe because he's the only man I know, good or bad, who has an imagination and the courage of his convictions. Maybe it's to get away from the young fools that spend their vacuous hours pursuing me around the country. But as for the famous Russian bracelet, you can set your mind at rest on that score. He's going to give it to me at Palm Beach—if you'll show a little intelligence."
"I'm not sure I can answer that," Audits said briefly. "Maybe it's because he's the only guy I know, good or bad, who actually has an imagination and stands by his beliefs. Maybe he just wants to escape from the young idiots who spend their empty time chasing me around the country. But when it comes to the famous Russian bracelet, you can stop worrying about that. He's planning to give it to me at Palm Beach—if you're willing to think a bit."
"How about the—red-haired woman?"
"What about the red-haired woman?"
"He hasn't seen her for six months," she said angrily. "Don't you suppose I have enough pride to see to that? Don't you know by this time that I can do any darn thing with any darn man I want to?"
"He hasn't seen her for six months," she said angrily. "Don't you think I have enough pride to take care of that? Don't you know by now that I can do whatever I want with any guy I choose?"
She put her chin in the air like the statue of France Aroused, and then spoiled the pose somewhat by raising the lemon for action.
She lifted her chin like the statue of France Aroused, but then ruined the look a bit by raising the lemon for action.
"Is it the Russian bracelet that fascinates you?"
"Is it the Russian bracelet that captivates you?"
"No, I'm merely trying to give you the sort of argument that would appeal to your intelligence. And I wish you'd go 'way," she said, her temper rising again. "You know I never change my mind. You've been boring me for three days until I'm about to go crazy. I won't go ashore! Won't! Do you hear? Won't!"
"No, I’m just trying to give you an argument that would make sense to you. And I really wish you’d leave," she said, her temper flaring up again. "You know I never change my mind. You’ve been putting me to sleep for three days, and I’m about to lose it. I won’t go ashore! Won’t! Do you hear me? Won’t!"
"Very well," he said, "and you won't go to Palm Beach either. Of all the selfish, spoiled, uncontrolled disagreeable, impossible girl I have——"
"Alright," he said, "and you won't be going to Palm Beach either. Of all the selfish, spoiled, unruly, unpleasant, impossible girls I have——"
Splush! The half-lemon caught him in the neck. Simultaneously came a hail from over the side.
Splush! The half-lemon hit him in the neck. At the same time, a shout came from the side.
"The launch is ready, Mr. Farnam."
"The launch is ready, Mr. Farnam."
Too full of words and rage to speak, Mr. Farnam cast one utterly condemning glance at his niece and, turning, ran swiftly down the ladder.
Too overwhelmed with words and anger to say anything, Mr. Farnam shot his niece an entirely disapproving look and then hurried down the ladder.
II
Five o'clock robed down from the sun and plumped soundlessly into the sea. The golden collar widened into a glittering island; and a faint breeze that had been playing with the edges of the awning and swaying one of the dangling blue slippers became suddenly freighted with song. It was a chorus of men in close harmony and in perfect rhythm to an accompanying sound of oars dealing the blue writers. Ardita lifted her head and listened.
Five o'clock lowered from the sun and quietly settled into the sea. The golden light spread out into a sparkling island, and a gentle breeze that had been teasing the edges of the awning and swaying one of the dangling blue slippers suddenly carried a song. It was a chorus of men singing in perfect harmony and rhythm to the sound of oars hitting the blue water. Ardita lifted her head and listened.
"Carrots and Peas,
Beans on their knees,
Pigs in the seas,
Lucky fellows!
Blow us a breeze,
Blow us a breeze,
Blow us a breeze,
With your bellows."
Carrots & Peas,
Beans on their knees,
Pigs in the ocean,
Lucky dudes!
Blow us a breeze.
Blow us a breeze,
Send us a breeze,
With your blowers."
Ardita's brow wrinkled in astonishment. Sitting very still she listened eagerly as the chorus took up a second verse.
Ardita's brow furrowed in surprise. Sitting completely still, she listened intently as the chorus began a second verse.
"Onions and beans,
Marshalls and Deans,
Goldbergs and Greens
And Costellos.
Blow us a breeze,
Blow us a breeze,
Blow us a breeze,
With your bellows."
Onions and beans,
Marshals and Deans,
Goldbergs and Greens
And Costellos.
Blow us a breeze.
Send us a breeze,
Blow us a breeze,
With your air pump."
With an exclamation she tossed her book to the desk, where it sprawled at a straddle, and hurried to the rail. Fifty feet away a large rowboat was approaching containing seven men, six of them rowing and one standing up in the stern keeping time to their song with an orchestra leader's baton.
With a shout, she threw her book onto the desk, where it landed awkwardly, and rushed to the railing. Fifty feet away, a big rowboat was coming closer, holding seven men—six of them rowing and one standing at the back, keeping rhythm with their song using a conductor's baton.
"Oysters and Rocks,
Sawdust and socks,
Who could make clocks
Out of cellos?——"
"Oysters and Stones,"
Sawdust and socks
Who can make clocks
From cellos?——
The leader's eyes suddenly rested on Ardita, who was leaning over the rail spellbound with curiosity. He made a quick movement with his baton and the singing instantly ceased. She saw that he was the only white man in the boat—the six rowers were negroes.
The leader's eyes suddenly landed on Ardita, who was leaning over the rail, captivated with curiosity. He quickly gestured with his baton, and the singing immediately stopped. She noticed that he was the only white man in the boat—the six rowers were Black.
"Narcissus ahoy!" he called politely.
"Narcissus, over here!" he called politely.
"What's the idea of all the discord?" demanded Ardita cheerfully. "Is this the varsity crew from the county nut farm?"
"What's all the fuss about?" Ardita asked with a grin. "Is this the college team from the county mental health facility?"
By this time the boat was scraping the side of the yacht and a great bulking negro in the bow turned round and grasped the ladder. Thereupon the leader left his position in the stern and before Ardita had realized his intention he ran up the ladder and stood breathless before her on the deck.
By this time, the boat was scraping against the side of the yacht, and a large, bulky figure at the bow turned around and grabbed the ladder. The leader then left his spot at the stern, and before Ardita could understand what he was doing, he climbed up the ladder and stood, breathless, before her on the deck.
"The women and children will be spared!" he said briskly. "All crying babies will be immediately drowned and all males put in double irons!" Digging her hands excitedly down into the pockets of her dress Ardita stared at him, speechless with astonishment. He was a young man with a scornful mouth and the bright blue eyes of a healthy baby set in a dark sensitive face. His hair was pitch black, damp and curly—the hair of a Grecian statue gone brunette. He was trimly built, trimly dressed, and graceful as an agile quarter-back.
"The women and children will be safe!" he said briskly. "Any crying babies will be drowned right away, and all the men will be locked up in double chains!" Shoving her hands excitedly into the pockets of her dress, Ardita stared at him, speechless with shock. He was a young man with a disdainful mouth and bright blue eyes like a healthy baby’s, set in a dark, sensitive face. His hair was pitch black, damp, and curly—the hair of a Grecian statue turned brunette. He was slim, well-dressed, and as graceful as an agile quarterback.
"Well, I'll be a son of a gun!" she said dazedly.
"Wow, I can't believe it!" she said, feeling dazed.
They eyed each other coolly.
They looked at each other coolly.
"Do you surrender the ship?"
"Do you give up the ship?"
"Is this an outburst of wit?" demanded Ardita. "Are you an idiot—or just being initiated to some fraternity?"
"Is this some kind of joke?" Ardita asked. "Are you an idiot or just getting hazed by some fraternity?"
"I asked you if you surrendered the ship."
"I asked you if you gave up the ship."
"I thought the country was dry," said Ardita disdainfully. "Have you been drinking finger-nail enamel? You better get off this yacht!"
"I thought the country was dry," Ardita said with disdain. "Have you been drinking nail polish? You should get off this yacht!"
"What?" the young man's voice expressed incredulity.
"What?" the young man's voice conveyed disbelief.
"Get off the yacht! You heard me!"
"Get off the yacht! You heard me!"
He looked at her for a moment as if considering what she had said.
He glanced at her for a moment, as if thinking about what she had said.
"No," said his scornful mouth slowly; "No, I won't get off the yacht. You can get off if you wish."
"No," said his sneering mouth slowly; "No, I'm not getting off the yacht. You can if you want."
Going to the rail be gave a curt command and immediately the crew of the rowboat scrambled up the ladder and ranged themselves in line before him, a coal-black and burly darky at one end and a miniature mulatto of four feet nine at to other. They seemed to be uniformly dressed in some sort of blue costume ornamented with dust, mud, and tatters; over the shoulder of each was slung a small, heavy-looking white sack, and under their arms they carried large black cases apparently containing musical instruments.
Going to the rail, he gave a quick command, and right away the crew of the rowboat hurried up the ladder and lined up in front of him—one end featuring a tall, burly man with dark skin, and at the other end, a short person of mixed race standing just four feet nine. They all seemed to be wearing the same kind of blue uniform, covered in dust, mud, and rips; each had a small, heavy-looking white bag slung over their shoulder, and they carried large black cases under their arms that looked like they held musical instruments.
"'Ten-shun!" commanded the young man, snapping his own heels together crisply. "Right driss! Front! Step out here, Babe!"
"'Ten-hut!" shouted the young man, snapping his heels together sharply. "Right dress! Front! Step out here, Babe!"
The smallest Negro took a quick step forward and saluted.
The smallest Black person took a quick step forward and saluted.
"Take command, go down below, catch the crew and tie 'em up—all except the engineer. Bring him up to me. Oh, and pile those bags by the rail there."
"Take charge, go downstairs, grab the crew and tie them up—all except for the engineer. Bring him up to me. And stack those bags by the railing over there."
"Yas-suh!"
"Yas!"
Babe saluted again and wheeling about motioned for the five others to gather about him. Then after a short whispered consultation they all filed noiselessly down the companionway.
Babe saluted again and turned around, signaling for the five others to come over. After a brief whispered discussion, they all quietly made their way down the companionway.
"Now," said the young man cheerfully to Ardita, who had witnessed this last scene in withering silence, "if you will swear on your honor as a flapper—which probably isn't worth much—that you'll keep that spoiled little mouth of yours tight shut for forty-eight hours, you can row yourself ashore in our rowboat."
"Now," the young man said cheerfully to Ardita, who had watched this last scene in silence, "if you swear on your honor as a flapper—which probably doesn’t mean much—that you'll keep that spoiled little mouth of yours shut for forty-eight hours, you can row yourself ashore in our rowboat."
"Otherwise what?"
"What else?"
"Otherwise you're going to sea in a ship."
"Otherwise, you’re going to sea in a boat."
With a little sigh as for a crisis well passed, the young man sank into the settee Ardita had lately vacated and stretched his arms lazily. The corners of his mouth relaxed appreciatively as he looked round at the rich striped awning, the polished brass, and the luxurious fittings of the deck. His eye felt on the book, and then on the exhausted lemon.
With a small sigh, like he’d just gotten through a tough moment, the young man settled into the settee where Ardita had recently been sitting and stretched his arms out lazily. The corners of his mouth softened in appreciation as he looked around at the fancy striped awning, the shiny brass, and the plush furnishings on the deck. His gaze landed on the book and then on the tired lemon.
"Hm," he said, "Stonewall Jackson claimed that lemon-juice cleared his head. Your head feel pretty clear?"
"Hmm," he said, "Stonewall Jackson said that lemon juice helped him think clearly. Does your head feel pretty clear?"
Ardita disdained to answer.
Ardita refused to answer.
"Because inside of five minutes you'll have to make a clear decision whether it's go or stay."
"Because in less than five minutes you'll need to make a clear decision about whether to go or stay."
He picked up the book and opened it curiously.
He picked up the book and opened it with curiosity.
"The Revolt of the Angels. Sounds pretty good. French, eh?" He stared at her with new interest "You French?"
"The Revolt of the Angels. That sounds pretty interesting. French, huh?" He looked at her with newfound curiosity. "Are you French?"
"No."
"Nope."
"What's your name?"
"What's your name?"
"Farnam."
"Farnam."
"Farnam what?"
"Farnam, what?"
"Ardita Farnam."
"Ardita Farnam."
"Well Ardita, no use standing up there and chewing out the insides of your mouth. You ought to break those nervous habits while you're young. Come over here and sit down."
"Well Ardita, there's no point in standing there and chewing on the inside of your cheek. You should work on breaking those nervous habits while you’re still young. Come over here and take a seat."
Ardita took a carved jade case from her pocket, extracted a cigarette and lit it with a conscious coolness, though she knew her hand was trembling a little; then she crossed over with her supple, swinging walk, and sitting down in the other settee blew a mouthful of smoke at the awning.
Ardita pulled a carved jade case from her pocket, took out a cigarette, and lit it with a careful coolness, even though she knew her hand was shaking a bit; then she walked over with her graceful, swinging stride, and sat down on the other couch, blowing a puff of smoke at the awning.
"You can't get me off this yacht," she raid steadily; "and you haven't got very much sense if you think you'll get far with it. My uncle'll have wirelesses zigzagging all over this ocean by half past six."
"You can't get me off this yacht," she said firmly; "and you don't have much sense if you think you'll get far with it. My uncle will have radios all over this ocean by half past six."
"Hm."
"Hmm."
She looked quickly at his face, caught anxiety stamped there plainly in the faintest depression of the mouth's corners.
She glanced at his face and saw the anxiety clearly marked by the slightest downturn of his mouth's corners.
"It's all the same to me," she said, shrugging her shoulders. "'Tisn't my yacht. I don't mind going for a coupla hours' cruise. I'll even lend you that book so you'll have something to read on the revenue boat that takes you up to Sing-Sing."
"It's all the same to me," she said, shrugging her shoulders. "It's not my yacht. I don't mind going for a couple of hours' cruise. I'll even lend you that book so you'll have something to read on the revenue boat that takes you up to Sing-Sing."
He laughed scornfully.
He laughed mockingly.
"If that's advice you needn't bother. This is part of a plan arranged before I ever knew this yacht existed. If it hadn't been this one it'd have been the next one we passed anchored along the coast."
"If that's the advice you need, don't bother. This is part of a plan I set up before I even knew this yacht was here. If it hadn't been this one, it would have been the next one we passed anchored along the coast."
"Who are you?" demanded Ardita suddenly. "And what are you?"
"Who are you?" Ardita suddenly asked. "And what are you?"
"You've decided not to go ashore?"
"You've chosen not to go on land?"
"I never even faintly considered it."
"I never even thought about it."
"We're generally known," he said "all seven of us, as Curtis Carlyle and his Six Black Buddies late of the Winter Garden and the Midnight Frolic."
"We're usually known," he said, "all seven of us, as Curtis Carlyle and his Six Black Buddies, recently from the Winter Garden and the Midnight Frolic."
"You're singers?"
"Are you singers?"
"We were until to-day. At present, due to those white bags you see there we're fugitives from justice and if the reward offered for our capture hasn't by this time reached twenty thousand dollars I miss my guess."
"We’ve been fine until today. Right now, because of those white bags you see over there, we’re on the run from the law, and if the reward for our capture hasn’t hit twenty thousand dollars by now, I’d be surprised."
"What's in the bags?" asked Ardita curiously.
"What's in the bags?" Ardita asked, curious.
"Well," he said "for the present we'll call it—mud—Florida mud."
"Well," he said, "for now we'll just call it—mud—Florida mud."
III
Within ten minutes after Curtis Carlyle's interview with a very frightened engineer the yacht Narcissus was under way, steaming south through a balmy tropical twilight. The little mulatto, Babe, who seems to have Carlyle's implicit confidence, took full command of the situation. Mr. Farnam's valet and the chef, the only members of the crew on board except the engineer, having shown fight, were now reconsidering, strapped securely to their bunks below. Trombone Mose, the biggest negro, was set busy with a can of paint obliterating the name Narcissus from the bow, and substituting the name Hula Hula, and the others congregated aft and became intently involved in a game of craps.
Within ten minutes after Curtis Carlyle's meeting with a very nervous engineer, the yacht Narcissus was on its way, cruising south through a warm tropical twilight. The small mulatto, Babe, who seems to have Carlyle's complete trust, took full charge of the situation. Mr. Farnam's valet and the chef, the only other crew members on board besides the engineer, had put up a struggle but were now reconsidering, securely strapped to their bunks below. Trombone Mose, the largest Black crew member, was busy with a can of paint covering the name Narcissus on the bow and replacing it with the name Hula Hula, while the others gathered at the back and got deeply involved in a game of craps.
Having given order for a meal to be prepared and served on deck at seven-thirty, Carlyle rejoined Ardita, and, sinking back into his settee, half closed his eyes and fell into a state of profound abstraction.
Having ordered a meal to be prepared and served on deck at seven-thirty, Carlyle rejoined Ardita, and as he sank back into his seat, he half-closed his eyes and fell into a deep state of thought.
Ardita scrutinized him carefully—and classed him immediately as a romantic figure. He gave the effect of towering self-confidence erected on a slight foundation—just under the surface of each of his decisions she discerned a hesitancy that was in decided contrast to the arrogant curl of his lips.
Ardita studied him closely—and instantly saw him as a romantic figure. He projected an impressive self-confidence built on a shaky foundation—beneath each of his choices, she sensed a hesitation that sharply contrasted with the arrogant curve of his lips.
"He's not like me," she thought "There's a difference somewhere." Being a supreme egotist Ardita frequently thought about herself; never having had her egotism disputed she did it entirely naturally and with no detraction from her unquestioned charm. Though she was nineteen she gave the effect of a high-spirited precocious child, and in the present glow of her youth and beauty all the men and women she had known were but driftwood on the ripples of her temperament. She had met other egotists—in fact she found that selfish people bored her rather less than unselfish people—but as yet there had not been one she had not eventually defeated and brought to her feet.
"He's not like me," she thought. "There’s a difference somewhere." As a supreme egotist, Ardita often focused on herself; since her egotism had never been challenged, she did it completely naturally and without diminishing her undeniable charm. Even at nineteen, she came across as a spirited, precocious child, and in the current glow of her youth and beauty, all the men and women she had known were just driftwood on the waves of her personality. She had encountered other egotists—in fact, she found that selfish people bored her a bit less than selfless ones—but so far, there hadn’t been anyone she hadn’t eventually outsmarted and brought to her side.
But though she recognized an egotist in the settee, she felt none of that usual shutting of doors in her mind which meant clearing ship for action; on the contrary her instinct told her that this man was somehow completely pregnable and quite defenseless. When Ardita defied convention—and of late it had been her chief amusement—it was from an intense desire to be herself, and she felt that this man, on the contrary, was preoccupied with his own defiance.
But even though she saw an egotist sitting on the couch, she didn’t feel that usual mental shutting of doors that signaled she was getting ready to take action; instead, her instinct told her that this guy was completely vulnerable and totally unprotected. When Ardita pushed against the norms—and recently that had been her main source of fun—it was driven by a strong desire to be true to herself, whereas she sensed that this man was more focused on his own rebelliousness.
She was much more interested in him than she was in her own situation, which affected her as the prospect of a matineé might affect a ten-year-old child. She had implicit confidence in her ability to take care of herself under any and all circumstances.
She was far more interested in him than in her own situation, which impacted her like the idea of a matinee might affect a ten-year-old. She had complete faith in her ability to handle herself in any circumstance.
The night deepened. A pale new moon smiled misty-eyed upon the sea, and as the shore faded dimly out and dark clouds were blown like leaves along the far horizon a great haze of moonshine suddenly bathed the yacht and spread an avenue of glittering mail in her swift path. From time to time there was the bright flare of a match as one of them lighted a cigarette, but except for the low under-tone of the throbbing engines and the even wash of the waves about the stern the yacht was quiet as a dream boat star-bound through the heavens. Round them bowed the smell of the night sea, bringing with it an infinite languor.
The night grew darker. A pale new moon looked down hazily on the sea, and as the shoreline faded away and dark clouds were blown like leaves along the distant horizon, a great haze of moonlight suddenly enveloped the yacht and created a shimmering path in its rapid course. Occasionally, there was the bright spark of a match as someone lit a cigarette, but aside from the subtle hum of the engines and the gentle splashing of the waves against the stern, the yacht was as quiet as a dream boat sailing through the stars. The scent of the night sea surrounded them, bringing with it an overwhelming sense of relaxation.
Carlyle broke the silence at last.
Carlyle finally spoke up.
"Lucky girl," he sighed "I've always wanted to be rich—and buy all this beauty."
“Lucky girl,” he sighed. “I’ve always wanted to be rich—and buy all this beauty.”
Ardita yawned.
Ardita yawned.
"I'd rather be you," she said frankly.
"I'd rather be you," she said honestly.
"You would—for about a day. But you do seem to possess a lot of nerve for a flapper."
"You would—for about a day. But you really seem to have a lot of nerve for a flapper."
"I wish you wouldn't call me that."
"I wish you wouldn't call me that."
"Beg your pardon."
"Excuse me."
"As to nerve," she continued slowly, "it's my one redeemiug feature. I'm not afraid of anything in heaven or earth."
"As for courage," she continued slowly, "it's my one redeeming quality. I'm not afraid of anything in heaven or on earth."
"Hm, I am."
"Yeah, I am."
"To be afraid," said Ardita, "a person has either to be very great and strong—or else a coward. I'm neither." She paused for a moment, and eagerness crept into her tone. "But I want to talk about you. What on earth have you done—and how did you do it?"
"To be afraid," Ardita said, "a person has to be either really strong and powerful—or just a coward. I'm neither." She paused for a moment, and excitement filled her voice. "But I want to talk about you. What on earth did you do—and how did you do it?"
"Why?" he demanded cynically. "Going to write a movie, about me?"
"Why?" he asked cynically. "Are you going to write a movie about me?"
"Go on," she urged. "Lie to me by the moonlight. Do a fabulous story."
"Go ahead," she encouraged. "Lie to me under the moonlight. Tell me an amazing story."
A negro appeared, switched on a string of small lights under the awning, and began setting the wicker table for supper. And while they ate cold sliced chicken, salad, artichokes and strawberry jam from the plentiful larder below, Carlyle began to talk, hesitatingly at first, but eagerly as he saw she was interested. Ardita scarcely touched her food as she watched his dark young face—handsome, ironic faintly ineffectual.
A man in black came out, turned on a string of small lights under the awning, and started to set the wicker table for dinner. As they ate cold sliced chicken, salad, artichokes, and strawberry jam from the well-stocked pantry below, Carlyle started to talk, hesitantly at first, but more eagerly as he noticed she was interested. Ardita barely touched her food as she watched his dark young face—handsome, ironic, and slightly ineffective.
He began life as a poor kid in a Tennessee town, he said, so poor that his people were the only white family in their street. He never remembered any white children—but there were inevitably a dozen pickaninnies streaming in his trail, passionate admirers whom he kept in tow by the vividness of his imagination and the amount of trouble he was always getting them in and out of. And it seemed that this association diverted a rather unusual musical gift into a strange channel.
He started out as a poor kid in a Tennessee town, he said, so poor that his family was the only white family on their street. He didn't remember ever seeing other white children—but there were always about a dozen black kids following him around, eager fans who stayed close because of his wild imagination and the trouble he constantly got them into and out of. It seemed that this friendship redirected a unique musical talent into an unusual path.
There had been a colored woman named Belle Pope Calhoun who played the piano at parties given for white children—nice white children that would have passed Curtis Carlyle with a sniff. But the ragged little "poh white" used to sit beside her piano by the hour and try to get in an alto with one of those kazoos that boys hum through. Before he was thirteen he was picking up a living teasing ragtime out of a battered violin in little cafés round Nashville. Eight years later the ragtime craze hit the country, and he took six darkies on the Orpheum circuit. Five of them were boys he had grown up with; the other was the little mulatto, Babe Divine, who was a wharf nigger round New York, and long before that a plantation hand in Bermuda, until he stuck an eight-inch stiletto in his master's back. Almost before Carlyle realized his good fortune he was on Broadway, with offers of engagements on all sides, and more money than he had ever dreamed of.
There was a woman named Belle Pope Calhoun who played the piano at parties for white kids—nice white kids who wouldn't even have noticed Curtis Carlyle. But the scrappy little "poor white" would sit next to her piano for hours, trying to join in with one of those kazoos boys use. Before turning thirteen, he was earning a living playing ragtime on a beat-up violin in small cafés around Nashville. Eight years later, when the ragtime craze swept the nation, he took six black performers on the Orpheum circuit. Five of them were friends he’d grown up with; the other was a mixed-race guy named Babe Divine, who had worked as a dockworker in New York and, before that, as a laborer on a plantation in Bermuda until he stabbed his master in the back with an eight-inch knife. Almost before Carlyle realized how lucky he was, he found himself on Broadway, with engagement offers coming from everywhere and more money than he had ever imagined.
It was about then that a change began in his whole attitude, a rather curious, embittering change. It was when he realized that he was spending the golden years of his life gibbering round a stage with a lot of black men. His act was good of its kind—three trombones, three saxaphones, and Carlyle's flute—and it was his own peculiar sense of rhythm that made all the difference; but he began to grow strangely sensitive about it, began to hate the thought of appearing, dreaded it from day to day.
It was around that time that a shift started in his entire attitude, a pretty strange and frustrating shift. It was when he realized he was wasting the best years of his life performing on a stage with a group of Black men. His act was solid—three trombones, three saxophones, and Carlyle's flute—and it was his unique sense of rhythm that really set it apart; but he started to become uncomfortably sensitive about it, began to dread the idea of performing, and feared it more and more each day.
They were making money—each contract he signed called for more—but when he went to managers and told them that he wanted to separate from his sextet and go on as a regular pianist, they laughed at him and told him he was crazy—it would be an artistic suicide. He used to laugh afterward at the phrase "artistic suicide." They all used it.
They were making money—each contract he signed demanded more—but when he approached managers and said he wanted to break away from his group and perform as a solo pianist, they laughed at him and said he was nuts—it would be career suicide. He would later laugh at the term "career suicide." They all used it.
Half a dozen times they played at private dances at three thousand dollars a night, and it seemed as if these crystallized all his distaste for his mode of livlihood. They took place in clubs and houses that he couldn't have gone into in the daytime. After all, he was merely playing to rôle of the eternal monkey, a sort of sublimated chorus man. He was sick of the very smell of the theatre, of powder and rouge and the chatter of the greenroom, and the patronizing approval of the boxes. He couldn't put his heart into it any more. The idea of a slow approach to the luxury of leisure drove him wild. He was, of course, progressing toward it, but, like a child, eating his ice-cream so slowly that he couldn't taste it at all.
They played at private parties six times for three thousand dollars a night, and it felt like this crystallized all his dislike for his lifestyle. The events were held in clubs and homes he would never go to during the day. He was just playing the part of the eternal clown, a kind of refined backup performer. He was tired of the smell of the theater, of makeup and the buzz of the backstage area, and the condescending approval from the audience in the boxes. He couldn't invest himself in it anymore. The thought of slowly working his way to the luxury of leisure drove him crazy. He was, of course, moving toward it, but like a child eating ice cream so slowly that he couldn't even taste it.
He wanted to have a lot of money and time and opportunity to read and play, and the sort of men and women round him that he could never have—the kind who, if they thought of him at all, would have considered him rather contemptible; in short he wanted all those things which he was beginning to lump under the general head of aristocracy, an aristocracy which it seemed almost any money could buy except money made as he was making it. He was twenty-five then, without family or education or any promise that he would succeed in a business career. He began speculating wildly, and within three weeks he had lost every cent he had saved.
He wanted a lot of money, time, and chances to read and play, along with the kind of people around him that he could never have—the type who, if they thought of him at all, would find him pretty pathetic. In short, he wanted all those things he was starting to group under the term aristocracy, an aristocracy that seemed like almost any amount of money could buy, except for the money he was earning the way he was. He was twenty-five at the time, without family, education, or any guarantee that he would succeed in a business career. He started speculating recklessly, and within three weeks, he had lost every penny he had saved.
Then the war came. He went to Plattsburg, and even there his profession followed him. A brigadier-general called him up to headquarters and told him he could serve his country better as a band leader—so he spent the war entertaining celebrities behind the line with a headquarters band. It was not so bad—except that when the infantry came limping back from the trenches he wanted to be one of them. The sweat and mud they wore seemed only one of those ineffable symbols of aristocracy that were forever eluding him.
Then the war started. He went to Plattsburgh, and even there his profession followed him. A brigadier general called him to headquarters and told him he could serve his country better as a band leader—so he spent the war entertaining celebrities behind the lines with a headquarters band. It wasn’t so bad—except that when the infantry came limping back from the trenches, he wanted to be one of them. The sweat and mud they wore seemed like just one of those ungraspable symbols of nobility that always eluded him.
"It was the private dances that did it. After I came back from the war the old routine started. We had an offer from a syndicate of Florida hotels. It was only a question of time then."
"It was the private dances that changed everything. After I got back from the war, the same old routine started again. We received an offer from a group of Florida hotels. It was only a matter of time after that."
He broke off and Ardita looked at him expectantly, but he shook his head.
He paused, and Ardita looked at him with anticipation, but he shook his head.
"No," he said, "I'm going to tell you about it. I'm enjoying it too much, and I'm afraid I'd lose a little of that enjoyment if I shared it with anyone else. I want to hang on to those few breathless, heroic moments when I stood out before them all and let them know I was more than a damn bobbing, squawking clown."
"No," he said, "I'm going to tell you about it. I'm enjoying it too much, and I'm afraid I'd lose some of that enjoyment if I shared it with anyone else. I want to hold on to those few breathless, heroic moments when I stood out in front of them all and let them know I was more than just a stupid, loud clown."
From up forward came suddenly the low sound of singing. The negroes had gathered together on the deck and their voices rose together in a haunting melody that soared in poignant harmonics toward the moon. And Ardita listens in enchantment.
From up ahead, a low sound of singing suddenly emerged. The Black crew had gathered on the deck, and their voices blended together in a haunting melody that soared in touching harmonics toward the moon. Ardita listened in enchantment.
"Oh down——
oh down,
Mammy wanna take me down milky way,
Oh down,
oh down,
Pappy say to-morra-a-a-ah
But mammy say to-day,
Yes—mammy say to-day!"
"Oh no——
oh down,
Mommy wants to take me down the Milky Way,
Oh no,
oh no,
Dad says tomorrow-a-a-ah
But Mom says today,
Yes—Mom says today!"
Carlyle sighed and was silent for a moment looking up at the gathered host of stars blinking like arc-lights in the warm sky. The negroes' song had died away to a plaintive humming and it seemed as if minute by minute the brightness and the great silence were increasing until he could almost hear the midnight toilet of the mermaids as they combed their silver dripping curls under the moon and gossiped to each other of the fine wrecks they lived on the green opalescent avenues below.
Carlyle sighed and paused for a moment, gazing up at the crowd of stars twinkling like streetlights in the warm sky. The song of the crickets had faded into a soft hum, and it felt as if, minute by minute, the brightness and the deep silence were growing until he could almost hear the midnight routines of the mermaids as they brushed their silvery, dripping curls under the moon, chatting about the fancy shipwrecks they lived on in the shimmering green pathways below.
"You see," said Carlyle softly, "this is the beauty I want. Beauty has got to be astonishing, astounding—it's got to burst in on you like a dream, like the exquisite eyes of a girl."
"You see," Carlyle said softly, "this is the beauty I want. Beauty has to be amazing, breathtaking—it's got to hit you like a dream, like the beautiful eyes of a girl."
He turned to her, but she was silent.
He turned to her, but she didn't say anything.
"You see, don't you, Anita—I mean, Ardita?"
"You see, don’t you, Anita—I mean, Ardita?"
Again she made no answer. She had been sound asleep for some time.
Again, she didn't respond. She had been fast asleep for a while.
IV
In the dense sun-flooded noon of next day a spot in the sea before them resolved casually into a green-and-gray islet, apparently composed of a great granite cliff at its northern end which slanted south through a mile of vivid coppice and grass to a sandy beach melting lazily into the surf. When Ardita, reading in her favorite seat, came to the last page of The Revolt of the Angels, and slamming the book shut looked up and saw it, she gave a little cry of delight, and called to Carlyle, who was standing moodily by the rail.
In the bright, sun-soaked noon of the next day, a spot in the sea ahead turned into a green-and-gray island, made up of a large granite cliff at its northern end, sloping down through a mile of lush underbrush and grass to a sandy beach that effortlessly blended into the waves. When Ardita, reading in her favorite spot, reached the last page of The Revolt of the Angels, slammed the book shut, and looked up to see it, she let out a small cry of joy and called to Carlyle, who was standing moodily by the railing.
"Is this it? Is this where you're going?"
"Is this it? Is this where you’re headed?"
Carlyle shrugged his shoulders carelessly.
Carlyle shrugged nonchalantly.
"You've got me." He raised his voice and called up to the acting skipper: "Oh, Babe, is this your island?"
"You've got me." He raised his voice and called up to the acting skipper: "Hey, Babe, is this your island?"
The mulatto's miniature head appeared from round the corner of the deck-house.
The mulatto's small head popped out from around the corner of the deck-house.
"Yas-suh! This yeah's it."
"Yes! This is it."
Carlyle joined Ardita.
Carlyle joined Ardita.
"Looks sort of sporting, doesn't it?"
"Looks kind of sporty, doesn’t it?"
"Yes," she agreed; "but it doesn't look big enough to be much of a hiding-place."
"Yeah," she said; "but it doesn't seem big enough to be much of a hiding spot."
"You still putting your faith in those wirelesses your uncle was going to have zigzagging round?"
"You still believing in those wireless devices your uncle was planning to have set up everywhere?"
"No," said Ardita frankly. "I'm all for you. I'd really like to see you make a get-away."
"No," Ardita said honestly. "I'm completely on your side. I'd really like to see you escape."
He laughed.
He chuckled.
"You're our Lady Luck. Guess we'll have to keep you with us as a mascot—for the present anyway."
"You're our good luck charm. I guess we'll have to keep you around as our mascot—for now, at least."
"You couldn't very well ask me to swim back," she said coolly. "If you do I'm going to start writing dime novels founded on that interminable history of your life you gave me last night."
"You can't seriously expect me to swim back," she said calmly. "If you do, I'm going to start writing cheap novels based on that endless story of your life you told me last night."
He flushed and stiffened slightly.
He blushed and tensed up slightly.
"I'm very sorry I bored you."
"I'm really sorry I bored you."
"Oh, you didn't—until just at the end with some story about how furious you were because you couldn't dance with the ladies you played music for."
"Oh, you didn’t—until just at the end with some story about how mad you were because you couldn’t dance with the ladies you played music for."
He rose angrily.
He stood up angrily.
"You have got a darn mean little tongue."
"You have a really mean little tongue."
"Excuse me," she said melting into laughter, "but I'm not used to having men regale me with the story of their life ambitions—especially if they've lived such deathly platonic lives."
"Excuse me," she said, bursting into laughter, "but I'm not used to having men share their life ambitions with me—especially if they've lived such completely unromantic lives."
"Why? What do men usually regale you with?"
"Why? What do guys usually entertain you with?"
"Oh, they talk about me," she yawned. "They tell me I'm the spirit of youth and beauty."
"Oh, they talk about me," she yawned. "They say I'm the spirit of youth and beauty."
"What do you tell them?"
"What do you say to them?"
"Oh, I agree quietly."
"Oh, I totally agree."
"Does every man you meet tell you he loves you?"
"Does every guy you meet say he loves you?"
Ardita nodded.
Ardita agreed.
"Why shouldn't he? All life is just a progression toward, and then a recession from, one phrase—'I love you.'"
"Why not? Life is just a journey towards, and then away from, one phrase—'I love you.'"
Carlyle laughed and sat down.
Carlyle laughed and took a seat.
"That's very true. That's—that's not bad. Did you make that up?"
"That's really true. That's— that's not bad. Did you come up with that?"
"Yes—or rather I found it out. It doesn't mean anything especially. It's just clever."
"Yeah—or actually, I figured it out. It doesn't really mean anything in particular. It's just smart."
"It's the sort of remark," he said gravely, "that's typical of your class."
"It's the kind of comment," he said seriously, "that's typical of your kind."
"Oh," she interrupted impatiently, "don't start that lecture on aristocracy again! I distrust people who can be intense at this hour in the morning. It's a mild form of insanity—a sort of breakfast-food jag. Morning's the time to sleep, swim, and be careless."
"Oh," she interrupted impatiently, "don't start that lecture on aristocracy again! I don't trust people who can be all intense this early in the morning. It feels like a mild form of insanity—a kind of breakfast-food obsession. Mornings are for sleeping, swimming, and being carefree."
Ten minutes later they had swung round in a wide circle as if to approach the island from the north.
Ten minutes later, they had moved in a wide circle as if to approach the island from the north.
"There's a trick somewhere," commented Ardita thoughtfully. "He can't mean just to anchor up against this cliff."
"There's a trick involved," Ardita said thoughtfully. "He can't just mean to moor against this cliff."
They were heading straight in now toward the solid rock, which must have been well over a hundred feet tall, and not until they were within fifty yards of it did Ardita see their objective. Then she clapped her hands in delight. There was a break in the cliff entirely hidden by a curious overlapping of rock, and through this break the yacht entered and very slowly traversed a narrow channel of crystal-clear water between high gray walls. Then they were riding at anchor in a miniature world of green and gold, a gilded bay smooth as glass and set round with tiny palms, the whole resembling the mirror lakes and twig trees that children set up in sand piles.
They were heading straight toward the solid rock, which must have been over a hundred feet tall, and it wasn't until they were within fifty yards of it that Ardita spotted their destination. Then she clapped her hands in excitement. There was a break in the cliff completely hidden by a strange overlapping of rock, and through this opening, the yacht entered and slowly navigated a narrow channel of crystal-clear water between tall gray walls. Soon, they were anchored in a miniature world of green and gold, a smooth, glass-like bay surrounded by tiny palm trees, resembling the mirror lakes and twig trees that kids create in sand piles.
"Not so darned bad!" cried Carlyle excitedly.
"Not too bad at all!" shouted Carlyle excitedly.
"I guess that little coon knows his way round this corner of the Atlantic."
"I guess that little raccoon knows his way around this part of the Atlantic."
His exuberance was contagious, and Ardita became quite jubilant.
His enthusiasm was infectious, and Ardita became very cheerful.
"It's an absolutely sure-fire hiding-place!"
"It's a guaranteed hiding spot!"
"Lordy, yes! It's the sort of island you read about."
"Wow, yes! It's the kind of island you read about."
The rowboat was lowered into the golden lake and they pulled to shore.
The rowboat was lowered into the golden lake, and they paddled to shore.
"Come on," said Carlyle as they landed in the slushy sand, "we'll go exploring."
"Come on," Carlyle said as they landed in the wet sand, "let's go explore."
The fringe of palms was in turn ringed in by a round mile of flat, sandy country. They followed it south and brushing through a farther rim of tropical vegetation came out on a pearl-gray virgin beach where Ardita kicked of her brown golf shoes—she seemed to have permanently abandoned stockings—and went wading. Then they sauntered back to the yacht, where the indefatigable Babe had luncheon ready for them. He had posted a lookout on the high cliff to the north to watch the sea on both sides, though he doubted if the entrance to the cliff was generally known—he had never even seen a map on which the island was marked.
The edge of the palm trees was surrounded by a flat, sandy area that stretched for a mile. They headed south, pushing through another layer of tropical plants until they reached a pearl-gray untouched beach where Ardita kicked off her brown golf shoes—she seemed to have completely given up wearing stockings—and went wading. Then they strolled back to the yacht, where the tireless Babe had lunch ready for them. He had stationed someone on the high cliff to the north to keep an eye on the sea on both sides, even though he doubted that many people knew about the entrance to the cliff—he had never even seen a map that marked the island.
"What's its name," asked Ardita—"the island, I mean?"
"What's the name of the island?" Ardita asked.
"No name 'tall," chuckled Babe. "Reckin she jus' island, 'at's all."
"No name tall," Babe chuckled. "I guess she's just an island, that's all."
In the late afternoon they sat with their backs against great boulders on the highest part of the cliff and Carlyle sketched for her his vague plans. He was sure they were hot after him by this time. The total proceeds of the coup he had pulled off and concerning which he still refused to enlighten her, he estimated as just under a million dollars. He counted on lying up here several weeks and then setting off southward, keeping well outside the usual channels of travel rounding the Horn and heading for Callao, in Peru. The details of coaling and provisioning he was leaving entirely to Babe who, it seemed, had sailed these seas in every capacity from cabin-boy aboard a coffee trader to virtual first mate on a Brazillian pirate craft, whose skipper had long since been hung.
In the late afternoon, they leaned against large boulders on the highest part of the cliff, and Carlyle laid out his vague plans for her. He was sure they were after him by this point. He estimated the total gain from his successful operation, which he still refused to explain to her, to be just under a million dollars. He planned to stay here for several weeks and then head south, avoiding the usual travel routes, rounding the Horn, and making his way to Callao, in Peru. He was leaving all the details of refueling and stocking supplies to Babe, who apparently had sailed these waters in all sorts of roles, from cabin-boy on a coffee trader to almost a first mate on a Brazilian pirate ship, whose captain had long since been executed.
"If he'd been white he'd have been king of South America long ago," said Carlyle emphatically. "When it comes to intelligence he makes Booker T. Washington look like a moron. He's got the guile of every race and nationality whose blood is in his veins, and that's half a dozen or I'm a liar. He worships me because I'm the only man in the world who can play better ragtime than he can. We used to sit together on the wharfs down on the New York water-front, he with a bassoon and me with an oboe, and we'd blend minor keys in African harmonics a thousand years old until the rats would crawl up the posts and sit round groaning and squeaking like dogs will in front of a phonograph."
"If he were white, he'd have been king of South America long ago," Carlyle said emphatically. "When it comes to intelligence, he makes Booker T. Washington look like a fool. He's got the cleverness of every race and nationality in his blood, and that's at least half a dozen. He admires me because I'm the only person in the world who can play better ragtime than he can. We used to sit together on the docks down by the New York waterfront, him with a bassoon and me with an oboe, blending minor keys in African harmonics that are a thousand years old until the rats would crawl up the posts and sit around groaning and squeaking like dogs do in front of a phonograph."
Ardita roared.
Ardita yelled.
"How you can tell 'em!"
"How you can tell them!"
Carlyle grinned.
Carlyle smiled.
"I swear that's the gos——"
"I swear that's the goal—"
"What you going to do when you get to Callao?" she interrupted.
"What are you going to do when you get to Callao?" she interrupted.
"Take ship for India. I want to be a rajah. I mean it. My idea is to go up into Afghanistan somewhere, buy up a palace and a reputation, and then after about five years appear in England with a foreign accent and a mysterious past. But India first. Do you know, they say that all the gold in the world drifts very gradually back to India. Something fascinating about that to me. And I want leisure to read—an immense amount."
"Set sail for India. I really want to be a rajah. I'm serious about it. My plan is to head up into Afghanistan, purchase a palace and build a reputation, and then after around five years, show up in England with a foreign accent and a mysterious backstory. But India is my first stop. You know, they say that all the gold in the world eventually flows back to India. There's something really intriguing about that to me. And I want plenty of time to read—a huge amount."
"How about after that?"
"How about after that?"
"Then," he answered defiantly, "comes aristocracy. Laugh if you want to—but at least you'll have to admit that I know what I want—which I imagine is more than you do."
"Then," he replied defiantly, "comes aristocracy. Laugh if you want—but at least you have to acknowledge that I know what I want—which I bet is more than you do."
"On the contrary," contradicted Ardita, reaching in her pocket for her cigarette case, "when I met you I was in the midst of a great uproar of all my friends and relatives because I did know what I wanted."
"On the contrary," Ardita said, pulling out her cigarette case from her pocket, "when I met you, I was right in the middle of a huge uproar with all my friends and family because I did know what I wanted."
"What was it?"
"What is it?"
"A man."
"A guy."
He started.
He began.
"You mean you were engaged?"
"You were engaged?"
"After a fashion. If you hadn't come aboard I had every intention of slipping ashore yesterday evening—how long ago it seems—and meeting him in Palm Beach. He's waiting there for me with a bracelet that once belonged to Catherine of Russia. Now don't mutter anything about aristocracy," she put in quickly. "I liked him simply because he had had an imagination and the utter courage of his convictions."
"Kind of. If you hadn't arrived, I was all set to get off the boat last night—hard to believe it was just yesterday—and meet him in Palm Beach. He's waiting for me there with a bracelet that used to belong to Catherine of Russia. And don’t say anything about aristocracy," she added quickly. "I liked him just because he had imagination and the complete courage of his beliefs."
"But your family disapproved, eh?"
"But your family didn't approve, right?"
"What there is of it—only a silly uncle and a sillier aunt. It seems he got into some scandal with a red-haired woman name Mimi something—it was frightfully exaggerated, he said, and men don't lie to me—and anyway I didn't care what he'd done; it was the future that counted. And I'd see to that. When a man's in love with me he doesn't care for other amusements. I told him to drop her like a hot cake, and he did."
"What there is of it—just a ridiculous uncle and a more ridiculous aunt. Apparently, he got into some trouble with a red-haired woman named Mimi something—it was all blown out of proportion, he claimed, and men don't lie to me—and honestly, I didn’t care what he had done; it was the future that mattered. And I would make sure of that. When a guy is in love with me, he doesn’t care about other distractions. I told him to ditch her like a hot potato, and he did."
"I feel rather jealous," said Carlyle, frowning—and then he laughed. "I guess I'll just keep you along with us until we get to Callao. Then I'll lend you enough money to get back to the States. By that time you'll have had a chance to think that gentleman over a little more."
"I feel kind of jealous," said Carlyle, frowning—and then he laughed. "I guess I'll just keep you with us until we get to Callao. Then I'll lend you enough money to get back to the States. By then, you'll have had some time to think that gentleman over a bit more."
"Don't talk to me like that!" fired up Ardita. "I won't tolerate the parental attitude from anybody! Do you understand me?" He chuckled and then stopped, rather abashed, as her cold anger seemed to fold him about and chill him.
"Don't talk to me like that!" Ardita shot back, clearly angry. "I won't put up with that parental attitude from anyone! Do you get what I'm saying?" He laughed but then stopped, feeling somewhat embarrassed, as her icy anger wrapped around him and made him feel cold.
"I'm sorry," he offered uncertainly.
"I'm sorry," he said hesitantly.
"Oh, don't apologize! I can't stand men who say 'I'm sorry' in that manly, reserved tone. Just shut up!"
"Oh, don’t apologize! I can’t stand guys who say ‘I’m sorry’ in that tough, stoic voice. Just be quiet!"
A pause ensued, a pause which Carlyle found rather awkward, but which Ardita seemed not to notice at all as she sat contentedly enjoying her cigarette and gazing out at the shining sea. After a minute she crawled out on the rock and lay with her face over the edge looking down. Carlyle, watching her, reflected how it seemed impossible for her to assume an ungraceful attitude.
A pause followed, which Carlyle found a bit uncomfortable, but Ardita didn’t seem to notice at all as she happily enjoyed her cigarette and looked out at the sparkling sea. After a minute, she crawled out on the rock and lay with her face over the edge, looking down. Carlyle, watching her, thought it was incredible that she could never appear ungraceful.
"Oh, look," she cried. "There's a lot of sort of ledges down there. Wide ones of all different heights."
"Oh, look," she exclaimed. "There are a bunch of ledges down there. Wide ones at all different heights."
"We'll go swimming to-night!" she said excitedly. "By moonlight."
"We're going swimming tonight!" she said excitedly. "Under the moonlight."
"Wouldn't you rather go in at the beach on the other end?"
"Wouldn't you prefer to go in at the beach on the other end?"
"Not a chance. I like to dive. You can use my uncle's bathing suit, only it'll fit you like a gunny sack, because he's a very flabby man. I've got a one-piece that's shocked the natives all along the Atlantic coast from Biddeford Pool to St. Augustine."
"Not a chance. I love to dive. You can borrow my uncle's bathing suit, but it'll fit you like a sack of potatoes because he's a really flabby guy. I have a one-piece that has turned heads all along the Atlantic coast from Biddeford Pool to St. Augustine."
"I suppose you're a shark."
"I guess you're a shark."
"Yes, I'm pretty good. And I look cute too. A sculptor up at Rye last summer told me my calves are worth five hundred dollars."
"Yeah, I’m doing pretty well. Plus, I look cute too. A sculptor in Rye last summer told me my calves are worth five hundred bucks."
There didn't seem to be any answer to this, so Carlyle was silent, permitting himself only a discreet interior smile.
There didn't seem to be any answer to this, so Carlyle stayed quiet, allowing himself just a subtle internal smile.
V
When the night crept down in shadowy blue and silver they threaded the shimmering channel in the rowboat and, tying it to a jutting rock, began climbing the cliff together. The first shelf was ten feet up, wide, and furnishing a natural diving platform. There they sat down in the bright moonlight and watched the faint incessant surge of the waters almost stilled now as the tide set seaward.
When night fell in dark blue and silver shades, they navigated the glimmering channel in the rowboat, tied it to a jutting rock, and started climbing the cliff together. The first ledge was ten feet up, wide, and made for a natural diving platform. They sat down there in the bright moonlight and watched the subtle, continuous movement of the waters, which were almost calm now as the tide flowed out to sea.
"Are you happy?" he asked suddenly.
"Are you happy?" he asked out of the blue.
She nodded.
She agreed.
"Always happy near the sea. You know," she went on, "I've been thinking all day that you and I are somewhat alike. We're both rebels—only for different reasons. Two years ago, when I was just eighteen and you were——"
"Always happy by the sea. You know," she continued, "I've been thinking all day that you and I are a bit similar. We're both rebels—just for different reasons. Two years ago, when I was just eighteen and you were——"
"Twenty-five."
"25."
"——well, we were both conventional successes. I was an utterly devastating débutante and you were a prosperous musician just commissioned in the army——"
"——well, we were both successful in our own ways. I was a stunning debutante and you were a successful musician just enlisted in the army——"
"Gentleman by act of Congress," he put in ironically.
"Man by act of Congress," he added sarcastically.
"Well, at any rate, we both fitted. If our corners were not rubbed off they were at least pulled in. But deep in us both was something that made us require more for happiness. I didn't know what I wanted. I went from man to man, restless, impatient, month by month getting less acquiescent and more dissatisfied. I used to sit sometimes chewing at the insides of my mouth and thinking I was going crazy—I had a frightful sense of transiency. I wanted things now—now—now! Here I was—beautiful—I am, aren't I?"
"Well, anyway, we both fit together. If we weren’t completely perfect for each other, at least we were close. But deep down, we both needed more to be truly happy. I had no idea what I wanted. I went from guy to guy, feeling restless and impatient, growing less accepting and more unhappy month by month. Sometimes, I would sit there chewing on the inside of my mouth, thinking I was losing it—I had a terrible feeling that everything was temporary. I wanted things right now—right now—right now! Look at me here—I’m beautiful—I really am, aren't I?"
"Yes," agreed Carlyle tentatively.
"Yeah," agreed Carlyle hesitantly.
Ardita rose suddenly.
Ardita stood up suddenly.
"Wait a second. I want to try this delightful-looking sea."
"Hold on. I want to try this amazing-looking sea."
She walked to the end of the ledge and shot out over the sea, doubling up in mid-air and then straightening out and entering to water straight as a blade in a perfect jack-knife dive.
She walked to the edge of the ledge and leaped out over the sea, tucking her knees in mid-air and then straightening out, entering the water like a straight blade in a perfect jackknife dive.
In a minute her voice floated up to him.
In a minute, her voice drifted up to him.
"You see, I used to read all day and most of the night. I began to resent society——"
"You see, I used to read all day and most of the night. I started to resent society—"
"Come on up here," he interrupted. "What on earth are you doing?"
"Come up here," he interrupted. "What are you doing?"
"Just floating round on my back. I'll be up in a minute. Let me tell you. The only thing I enjoyed was shocking people; wearing something quite impossible and quite charming to a fancy-dress party, going round with the fastest men in New York, and getting into some of the most hellish scrapes imaginable."
"Just floating on my back. I’ll be up in a minute. Let me tell you, the only thing I really enjoyed was surprising people; wearing something totally outrageous and really fun to a costume party, hanging out with the fastest guys in New York, and getting into some of the wildest situations you can imagine."
The sounds of splashing mingled with her words, and then he heard her hurried breathing as she began climbing up side to the ledge.
The sounds of splashing blended with her words, and then he heard her quick breathing as she started climbing up to the ledge.
"Go on in!" she called
"Come in!" she called
Obediently he rose and dived. When he emerged, dripping, and made the climb he found that she was no longer on the ledge, but after a second frightened he heard her light laughter from another shelf ten feet up. There he joined her and they both sat quietly for a moment, their arms clasped round their knees, panting a little from the climb.
Obediently, he got up and dove in. When he came up, dripping wet, and climbed back up, he saw that she was no longer on the ledge. After a moment of panic, he heard her soft laughter from another ledge ten feet above. He joined her there, and they both sat quietly for a moment, arms wrapped around their knees, catching their breath from the climb.
"The family were wild," she said suddenly. "They tried to marry me off. And then when I'd begun to feel that after all life was scarcely worth living I found something"—her eyes went skyward exultantly——"I found something!"
"The family was crazy," she said suddenly. "They tried to marry me off. And then when I started to feel that life was hardly worth living, I found something"—her eyes looked up joyfully—"I found something!"
Carlyle waited and her words came with a rush.
Carlyle waited, and her words spilled out quickly.
"Courage—just that; courage as a rule of life, and something to cling to always. I began to build up this enormous faith in myself. I began to see that in all my idols in the past some manifestation of courage had unconsciously been the thing that attracted me. I began separating courage from the other things of life. All sorts of courage—the beaten, bloody prize-fighter coming up for more—I used to make men take me to prize-fights; the déclassé woman sailing through a nest of cats and looking at them as if they were mud under her feet; the liking what you like always; the utter disregard for other people's opinions—just to live as I liked always and to die in my own way— Did you bring up the cigarettes?"
"Courage—just that; courage as a way of life, and something to hold onto always. I started to build up this huge faith in myself. I realized that in all my past idols, some form of courage had unconsciously drawn me to them. I began to separate courage from everything else in life. All kinds of courage—the beaten, bloody prizefighter coming back for more—I used to have guys take me to prize fights; the outcast woman walking through a group of cats and looking at them like they were dirt beneath her feet; the liking what you like without fail; the complete disregard for other people's opinions—just to live as I pleased and die on my own terms—Did you bring the cigarettes?"
He handed one over and held a match for her gently.
He handed one over and held a match for her softly.
"Still," Ardita continued, "the men kept gathering—old men and young men, my mental and physical inferiors, most of them, but all intensely desiring to have me—to own this rather magnificent proud tradition I'd built up round me. Do you see?"
"Still," Ardita continued, "the men kept coming together—old men and young men, most of them my mental and physical superiors, but all intensely wanting to have me—to claim this rather magnificent proud tradition I had built up around me. Do you see?"
"Sort of. You never were beaten and you never apologized."
"Kind of. You were never defeated, and you never said sorry."
"Never!"
"Not a chance!"
She sprang to the edge, poised for a moment like a crucified figure against the sky; then describing a dark parabola plunked without a slash between two silver ripples twenty feet below.
She jumped to the edge, standing for a moment like a crucified figure against the sky; then she arced downward in a dark curve and landed silently between two silver ripples twenty feet below.
Her voice floated up to him again.
Her voice reached him once more.
"And courage to me meant ploughing through that dull gray mist that comes down on life—not only overriding people and circumstances but overriding the bleakness of living. A sort of insistence on the value of life and the worth of transient things."
"And to me, courage meant pushing through that dull gray mist that descends on life—not just getting past people and situations but also overcoming the bleakness of existence. It was a kind of determination to recognize the value of life and the significance of fleeting moments."
She was climbing up now, and at her last words her head, with the damp yellow hair slicked symmetrically back appeared on his level.
She was climbing up now, and at her last words, her head, with the damp yellow hair slicked back neatly, came into view at his level.
"All very well," objected Carlyle. "You can call it courage, but your courage is really built, after all, on a pride of birth. You were bred to that defiant attitude. On my gray days even courage is one of the things that's gray and lifeless."
"That's great," Carlyle disagreed. "You can call it bravery, but your bravery is really based on a pride in your background. You were raised to have that rebellious attitude. On my dull days, even bravery feels gray and lifeless."
She was sitting near the edge, hugging her knees and gazing abstractedly at the white moon; he was farther back, crammed like a grotesque god into a niche in the rock.
She was sitting close to the edge, hugging her knees and staring aimlessly at the bright moon; he was further back, squeezed like a twisted god into a hollow in the rock.
"I don't want to sound like Pollyanna," she began, "but you haven't grasped me yet. My courage is faith—faith in the eternal resilience of me—that joy'll come back, and hope and spontaneity. And I feel that till it does I've got to keep my lips shut and my chin high, and my eyes wide—not necessarily any silly smiling. Oh, I've been through hell without a whine quite often—and the female hell is deadlier than the male."
"I don't want to come off as overly optimistic," she started, "but you still don’t really understand me. My courage comes from my belief—belief in my own lasting strength—that joy will return, along with hope and spontaneity. And I feel that until that happens, I've got to keep my mouth shut, my head held high, and my eyes open—not necessarily with a silly smile. Oh, I've been through a lot without complaining more times than I can count—and the struggles women face can be even tougher than what men go through."
"But supposing," suggested Carlyle, "that before joy and hope and all that came back the curtain was drawn on you for good?"
"But what if," Carlyle suggested, "before joy and hope and all that came back, the curtain was drawn on you for good?"
Ardita rose, and going to the wall climbed with some difficulty to the next ledge, another ten or fifteen feet above.
Ardita stood up and, after a bit of effort, climbed up to the next ledge, which was another ten or fifteen feet higher.
"Why," she called back "then I'd have won!"
"Why," she shouted back, "then I would have won!"
He edged out till he could see her.
He leaned over until he could see her.
"Better not dive from there! You'll break your back," he said quickly.
"Better not jump from there! You'll hurt your back," he said quickly.
She laughed.
She giggled.
"Not I!"
"Not me!"
Slowly she spread her arms and stood there swan-like, radiating a pride in her young perfection that lit a warm glow in Carlyle's heart.
Slowly, she spread her arms and stood there like a swan, exuding a pride in her youthful perfection that created a warm glow in Carlyle's heart.
"We're going through the black air with our arms wide and our feet straight out behind like a dolphin's tail, and we're going to think we'll never hit the silver down there till suddenly it'll be all warm round us and full of little kissing, caressing waves."
"We're flying through the dark air with our arms spread wide and our legs back like a dolphin's tail, and we think we'll never reach the silver below until suddenly it's all warm around us and filled with playful, gentle waves."
Then she was in the air, and Carlyle involuntarily held his breath. He had not realized that the dive was nearly forty feet. It seemed an eternity before he heard the swift compact sound as she reached the sea.
Then she was in the air, and Carlyle involuntarily held his breath. He hadn’t realized that the dive was almost forty feet. It felt like forever before he heard the sharp, quick sound as she hit the water.
And it was with his glad sigh of relief when her light watery laughter curled up the side of the cliff and into his anxious ears that he knew he loved her.
And it was with a glad sigh of relief when her light, watery laughter floated up the side of the cliff and into his anxious ears that he realized he loved her.
VI
Time, having no axe to grind, showered down upon them three days of afternoons. When the sun cleared the port-hole of Ardita's cabin an hour after dawn she rose cheerily, donned her bathing-suit, and went up on deck. The negroes would leave their work when they saw her, and crowd, chuckling and chattering, to the rail as she floated, an agile minnow, on and under the surface of the clear water. Again in the cool of the afternoon she would swim—and loll and smoke with Carlyle upon the cliff; or else they would lie on their sides in the sands of the southern beach, talking little, but watching the day fade colorfully and tragically into the infinite langour of a tropical evening.
Time, having no agenda, gifted them three days of sunny afternoons. When the sun lit up the porthole of Ardita's cabin an hour after dawn, she cheerfully got up, put on her swimsuit, and went up on deck. The workers would stop what they were doing when they saw her, gathering around the rail, laughing and chatting, as she glided through the clear water like a nimble fish. In the cool of the afternoon, she would swim again—then lounge and smoke with Carlyle on the cliff; or they would lie on their sides in the sands of the southern beach, saying little, but watching the day brilliantly and dramatically fade into the endless calm of a tropical evening.
And with the long, sunny hours Ardita's idea of the episode as incidental, madcap, a sprig of romance in a desert of reality, gradually left her. She dreaded the time when he would strike off southward; she dreaded all the eventualities that presented themselves to her; thoughts were suddenly troublesome and decisions odious. Had prayers found place in the pagan rituals of her soul she would have asked of life only to be unmolested for a while, lazily acquiescent to the ready, naïf flow of Carlyle's ideas, his vivid boyish imagination, and the vein of monomania that seemed to run crosswise through his temperament and colored his every action.
And as the long, sunny hours passed, Ardita's view of the episode as something spontaneous and fun, a hint of romance in a bleak reality, slowly faded away. She feared the moment when he would head south; she was anxious about all the possible outcomes that crossed her mind; her thoughts became suddenly burdensome, and making decisions felt awful. If prayers were part of the pagan rituals of her soul, she would have asked life to leave her alone for a bit, comfortably surrendering to the easy, innocent flow of Carlyle's ideas, his vivid, youthful imagination, and the obsession that seemed to run through his personality and influenced everything he did.
But this is not a story of two on an island, nor concerned primarily with love bred of isolation. It is merely the presentation of two personalities, and its idyllic setting among the palms of the Gulf Stream is quite incidental. Most of us are content to exist and breed and fight for the right to do both, and the dominant idea, the foredoomed attest to control one's destiny, is reserved for the fortunate or unfortunate few. To me the interesting thing about Ardita is the courage that will tarnish with her beauty and youth.
But this isn’t just a story about two people on an island, nor is it mainly about love that comes from being isolated. It simply showcases two personalities, and the beautiful setting among the palm trees of the Gulf Stream is just a backdrop. Most of us are satisfied to live, reproduce, and struggle for the right to do both, while the big idea of controlling one’s fate is something only a lucky or unlucky few experience. What intrigues me about Ardita is the bravery that will fade along with her beauty and youth.
"Take me with you," she said late one night as they sat lazily in the grass under the shadowy spreading palms. The negroes had brought ashore their musical instruments, and the sound of weird ragtime was drifting softly over on the warm breath of the night. "I'd love to reappear in ten years, as a fabulously wealthy high-caste Indian lady," she continued.
"Take me with you," she said late one night as they lounged in the grass beneath the sprawling palms. The Black musicians had brought their instruments ashore, and the sound of strange ragtime floated softly on the warm night air. "I’d love to come back in ten years as a fabulously wealthy high-caste Indian woman," she added.
Carlyle looked at her quickly.
Carlyle glanced at her swiftly.
"You can, you know."
"You totally can."
She laughed.
She chuckled.
"Is it a proposal of marriage? Extra! Ardita Farnam becomes pirate's bride. Society girl kidnapped by ragtime bank robber."
"Is it a marriage proposal? Extra! Ardita Farnam is now a pirate's bride. Society girl kidnapped by a ragtime bank robber."
"It wasn't a bank."
"It wasn't a bank."
"What was it? Why won't you tell me?"
"What was it? Why won’t you tell me?"
"I don't want to break down your illusions."
"I don't want to shatter your illusions."
"My dear man, I have no illusions about you."
"My friend, I'm not under any misconceptions about you."
"I mean your illusions about yourself."
"I mean the misconceptions you have about yourself."
She looked up in surprise.
She looked up in shock.
"About myself! What on earth have I got to do with whatever stray felonies you've committed?"
"About me! What does it have to do with any random crimes you've done?"
"That remains to be seen."
"We'll see about that."
She reached over and patted his hand.
She reached over and gave his hand a light pat.
"Dear Mr. Curtis Carlyle," she said softly, "are you in love with me?"
"Dear Mr. Curtis Carlyle," she said softly, "are you in love with me?"
"As if it mattered."
"As if it even mattered."
"But it does—because I think I'm in love with you."
"But it does—because I think I'm in love with you."
He looked at her ironically.
He looked at her sarcastically.
"Thus swelling your January total to half a dozen," he suggested. "Suppose I call your bluff and ask you to come to India with me?"
"That brings your January total to six," he suggested. "What if I call your bluff and invite you to come to India with me?"
"Shall I?"
"Should I?"
He shrugged his shoulders.
He shrugged.
"We can get married in Callao."
"We can get married in Callao."
"What sort of life can you offer me? I don't mean that unkindly, but seriously; what would become of me if the people who want that twenty-thousand-dollar reward ever catch up with you?"
"What kind of life can you give me? I don't mean it in a harsh way, but seriously; what would happen to me if the people chasing that twenty-thousand-dollar reward ever find you?"
"I thought you weren't afraid."
"I thought you weren't scared."
"I never am—but I won't throw my life away just to show one man I'm not."
"I never am—but I won't waste my life just to prove to one guy that I'm not."
"I wish you'd been poor. Just a little poor girl dreaming over a fence in a warm cow country."
"I wish you had been poor. Just a little girl dreaming over a fence in a warm farming area."
"Wouldn't it have been nice?"
"Wouldn't it be nice?"
"I'd have enjoyed astonishing you—watching your eyes open on things. If you only wanted things! Don't you see?"
"I would have loved to amaze you—seeing your eyes widen with wonder. If only you desired things! Don’t you get it?"
"I know—like girls who stare into the windows of jewelry-stores."
"I know—like girls who look into the windows of jewelry stores."
"Yes—and want the big oblong watch that's platinum and has diamonds all round the edge. Only you'd decide it was too expensive and choose one of white gold for a hundred dollar. Then I'd say: 'Expensive? I should say not!' And we'd go into the store and pretty soon the platinum one would be gleaming on your wrist."
"Yeah—and want that big rectangular watch that’s made of platinum and has diamonds all around the edge. But you’d probably think it was too pricey and opt for one in white gold for a hundred bucks. Then I’d say: 'Expensive? Not at all!' And we’d walk into the store, and before long, the platinum one would be shining on your wrist."
"That sounds so nice and vulgar—and fun, doesn't it?" murmured Ardita.
"That sounds so nice and raunchy—and fun, right?" murmured Ardita.
"Doesn't it? Can't you see us travelling round and spending money right and left, and being worshipped by bell-boys and waiters? Oh, blessed are the simple rich for they inherit the earth!"
"Doesn't it? Can't you see us traveling around, spending money everywhere, and being admired by bellhops and waiters? Oh, blessed are the naive rich because they inherit the Earth!"
"I honestly wish we were that way."
"I genuinely wish we were like that."
"I love you, Ardita," he said gently.
"I love you, Ardita," he said softly.
Her face lost its childish look for moment and became oddly grave.
Her face briefly lost its youthful appearance and took on an unexpectedly serious expression.
"I love to be with you," she said, "more than with any man I've ever met. And I like your looks and your dark old hair, and the way you go over the side of the rail when we come ashore. In fact, Curtis Carlyle, I like all the things you do when you're perfectly natural. I think you've got nerve and you know how I feel about that. Sometimes when you're around I've been tempted to kiss you suddenly and tell you that you were just an idealistic boy with a lot of caste nonsense in his head. Perhaps if I were just a little bit older and a little more bored I'd go with you. As it is, I think I'll go back and marry—that other man."
"I love being with you," she said, "more than with any guy I've ever met. And I like your looks and your dark hair, and the way you climb over the rail when we come ashore. Honestly, Curtis Carlyle, I like everything you do when you're just being yourself. I think you're bold, and you know how I feel about that. Sometimes when you're around, I've thought about kissing you out of nowhere and telling you that you’re just an idealistic guy with a lot of outdated ideas in your head. Maybe if I were just a little older and a bit more bored, I'd choose you. But for now, I think I’m going to go back and marry—that other guy."
Over across the silver lake the figures of the negroes writhed and squirmed in the moonlight like acrobats who, having been too long inactive, must go through their tacks from sheer surplus energy. In single file they marched, weaving in concentric circles, now with their heads thrown back, now bent over their instruments like piping fauns. And from trombone and saxaphone ceaselessly whined a blended melody, sometimes riotous and jubilant, sometimes haunting and plaintive as a death-dance from the Congo's heart.
Across the shimmering lake, the figures in black twisted and moved in the moonlight like acrobats who, having been too long without activity, need to perform their tricks from sheer energy. They marched in a line, moving in circles, sometimes with their heads thrown back, sometimes hunched over their instruments like playful fauns. And from the trombone and saxophone came a continuous mix of melodies, sometimes wild and joyful, sometimes haunting and mournful, like a death-dance from the heart of the Congo.
"Let's dance," cried Ardita. "I can't sit still with that perfect jazz going on."
"Let's dance," shouted Ardita. "I can't just sit here with that amazing jazz playing."
Taking her hand he led her out into a broad stretch of hard sandy soil that the moon flooded with great splendor. They floated out like drifting moths under the rich hazy light, and as the fantastic symphony wept and exulted and wavered and despaired Ardita's last sense of reality dropped away, and she abandoned her imagination to the dreamy summer scents of tropical flowers and the infinite starry spaces overhead, feeling that if she opened her eyes it would be to find herself dancing with a ghost in a land created by her own fancy.
Taking her hand, he led her out onto a wide expanse of hard sandy ground that the moon lit up beautifully. They moved like drifting moths in the warm, hazy light, and as the amazing symphony swelled with emotion, Ardita's last grip on reality slipped away. She surrendered her thoughts to the dreamy summer scents of tropical flowers and the vast starry sky above, feeling that if she opened her eyes, she would find herself dancing with a ghost in a world made from her own imagination.
"This is what I should call an exclusive private dance," he whispered.
"This is what I would call a private dance just for us," he whispered.
"I feel quite mad—but delightfully mad!"
"I feel a bit crazy—but in a fun way!"
"We're enchanted. The shades of unnumbered generations of cannibals are watching us from high up on the side of the cliff there."
"We're captivated. The shades of countless generations of cannibals are watching us from up high on the cliff over there."
"And I'll bet the cannibal women are saying that we dance too close, and that it was immodest of me to come without my nose-ring."
"And I bet the cannibal women are saying that we dance too close, and that it was inappropriate of me to come without my nose ring."
They both laughed softly—and then their laughter died as over across the lake they heard the trombones stop in the middle of a bar, and the saxaphones give a startled moan and fade out.
They both chuckled quietly—and then their laughter faded as they heard the trombones suddenly stop in the middle of a measure, and the saxophones let out a surprised moan and gradually quieted down.
"What's the matter?" called Carlyle.
"What's wrong?" called Carlyle.
After a moment's silence they made out the dark figure of a man rounding the silver lake at a run. As he came closer they saw it was Babe in a state of unusual excitement. He drew up before them and gasped out his news in a breath.
After a brief silence, they spotted a dark figure of a man running around the silver lake. As he got closer, they recognized it was Babe, visibly excited. He stopped in front of them and gasped out his news in one breath.
"Ship stan'in' off sho' 'bout half a mile suh. Mose, he uz on watch, he say look's if she's done ancho'd."
"Ship is standing off shore about half a mile, sir. Mose, he was on watch, he says it looks like she's anchored."
"A ship—what kind of a ship?" demanded Carlyle anxiously.
"A ship—what kind of ship?" Carlyle asked anxiously.
Dismay was in his voice, and Ardita's heart gave a sudden wrench as she saw his whole face suddenly droop.
Dismay was in his voice, and Ardita's heart tightened as she saw his whole face suddenly fall.
"He say he don't know, suh."
"He says he doesn't know, sir."
"Are they landing a boat?"
"Are they docking a boat?"
"No, suh."
"No, sir."
"We'll go up," said Carlyle.
"We'll go up," Carlyle said.
They ascended the hill in silence, Ardita's hand still resting in Carlyle's as it had when they finished dancing. She felt it clinch nervously from time to time as though he were unaware of the contact, but though he hurt her she made no attempt to remove it. It seemed an hour's climb before they reached the top and crept cautiously across the silhouetted plateau to the edge of the cliff. After one short look Carlyle involuntarily gave a little cry. It was a revenue boat with six-inch guns mounted fore and aft.
They climbed the hill in silence, Ardita's hand still in Carlyle's as it had been after they finished dancing. She felt him grip her hand nervously from time to time as if he didn’t notice the contact, but even though it hurt her, she didn’t try to pull away. It felt like they climbed for an hour before they reached the top and cautiously crept across the dark plateau to the edge of the cliff. After taking a quick look, Carlyle let out a small cry without meaning to. It was a revenue boat with six-inch guns mounted at the front and back.
"They know!" he said with a short intake of breath. "They know! They picked up the trail somewhere."
"They know!" he said, taking a quick breath. "They know! They picked up the trail somewhere."
"Are you sure they know about the channel? They may be only standing by to take a look at the island in the morning. From where they are they couldn't see the opening in the cliff."
"Are you sure they know about the channel? They might just be waiting to check out the island in the morning. From where they are, they can't see the opening in the cliff."
"They could with field-glasses," he said hopelessly. He looked at his wrist-watch. "It's nearly two now. They won't do anything until dawn, that's certain. Of course there's always the faint possibility that they're waiting for some other ship to join; or for a coaler."
"They could with binoculars," he said hopelessly. He glanced at his watch. "It's almost two now. They won't do anything until dawn, that's for sure. Of course, there's always the slim chance that they're waiting for another ship to join them; or for a coal ship."
"I suppose we may as well stay right here."
"I guess we might as well just stay right here."
The hour passed and they lay there side by side, very silently, their chins in their hands like dreaming children. In back of them squatted the negroes, patient, resigned, acquiescent, announcing now and then with sonorous snores that not even the presence of danger could subdue their unconquerable African craving for sleep.
The hour went by, and they lay there side by side, very quietly, their chins resting in their hands like daydreaming kids. Behind them, the black men sat patiently, resigned, and compliant, occasionally announcing with deep snores that not even the threat of danger could suppress their unyielding desire for sleep.
Just before five o'clock Babe approached Carlyle. There were half a dozen rifles aboard the Narcissus he said. Had it been decided to offer no resistance?
Just before five o'clock, Babe went up to Carlyle. There were half a dozen rifles on the Narcissus, he said. Was it decided that they wouldn’t put up any resistance?
A pretty good fight might be made, he thought, if they worked out some plan.
A pretty good fight could happen, he thought, if they came up with some kind of plan.
Carlyle laughed and shook his head.
Carlyle laughed and shook his head.
"That isn't a Spic army out there, Babe. That's a revenue boat. It'd be like a bow and arrow trying to fight a machine-gun. If you want to bury those bags somewhere and take a chance on recovering them later, go on and do it. But it won't work—they'd dig this island over from one end to the other. It's a lost battle all round, Babe."
"That isn’t a gang out there, Babe. That’s a revenue boat. It’d be like using a bow and arrow to fight a machine gun. If you want to bury those bags somewhere and take a chance on getting them back later, go ahead. But it won’t work—they’d search this island completely. It’s a lost battle all around, Babe."
Babe inclined his head silently and turned away, and Carlyle's voice was husky as he turned to Ardita.
Babe silently nodded and turned away, and Carlyle's voice was rough as he turned to Ardita.
"There's the best friend I ever had. He'd die for me, and be proud to, if I'd let him."
"There's the best friend I've ever had. He would die for me and would be proud to, if I allowed him."
"You've given up?"
"You've quit?"
"I've no choice. Of course there's always one way out—the sure way—but that can wait. I wouldn't miss my trial for anything—it'll be an interesting experiment in notoriety. 'Miss Farnam testifies that the pirate's attitude to her was at all times that of a gentleman.'"
"I have no choice. Of course, there's always a way out—the sure way—but that can wait. I wouldn't miss my trial for anything; it’ll be an interesting experiment in notoriety. 'Miss Farnam testifies that the pirate's attitude toward her was always that of a gentleman.'"
"Don't!" she said. "I'm awfully sorry."
"Don't!" she said. "I'm really sorry."
When the color faded from the sky and lustreless blue changed to leaden gray a commotion was visible on the ship's deck, and they made out a group of officers clad in white duck, gathered near the rail. They had field-glasses in their hands and were attentively examining the islet.
When the color drained from the sky and the dull blue turned to a heavy gray, there was a stir on the ship's deck, and they spotted a group of officers dressed in white fabric, gathered near the rail. They had binoculars in their hands and were carefully examining the small island.
"It's all up," said Carlyle grimly.
"It's all over," Carlyle said grimly.
"Damn," whispered Ardita. She felt tears gathering in her eyes "We'll go back to the yacht," he said. "I prefer that to being hunted out up here like a 'possum."
"Damn," whispered Ardita. She felt tears welling up in her eyes. "We'll head back to the yacht," he said. "I’d rather that than being chased around up here like a possum."
Leaving the plateau they descended the hill, and reaching the lake were rowed out to the yacht by the silent negroes. Then, pale and weary, they sank into the settees and waited.
Leaving the plateau, they went down the hill, and when they got to the lake, they were rowed out to the yacht by the silent black rowers. Then, pale and exhausted, they sank into the seats and waited.
Half an hour later in the dim gray light the nose of the revenue boat appeared in the channel and stopped, evidently fearing that the bay might be too shallow. From the peaceful look of the yacht, the man and the girl in the settees, and the negroes lounging curiously against the rail, they evidently judged that there would be no resistance, for two boats were lowered casually over the side, one containing an officer and six bluejackets, and the other, four rowers and in the stern two gray-haired men in yachting flannels. Ardita and Carlyle stood up, and half unconsciously started toward each other.
Half an hour later, in the dim gray light, the nose of the revenue boat appeared in the channel and stopped, clearly afraid the bay might be too shallow. From the calm look of the yacht, the man and the girl on the settees, and the group lounging curiously against the rail, they seemed to think there would be no resistance. Two boats were lowered casually over the side—one with an officer and six sailors, and the other with four rowers and, in the back, two gray-haired men in yachting clothes. Ardita and Carlyle stood up and, almost instinctively, began moving toward each other.
Then he paused and putting his hand suddenly into his pocket he pulled out a round, glittering object and held it out to her.
Then he paused and suddenly reached into his pocket, pulling out a round, shiny object and holding it out to her.
"What is it?" she asked wonderingly.
"What is it?" she asked, intrigued.
"I'm not positive, but I think from the Russian inscription inside that it's your promised bracelet."
"I'm not sure, but I think the Russian inscription inside indicates that it's your promised bracelet."
"Where—where on earth——"
"Where on earth—"
"It came out of one of those bags. You see, Curtis Carlyle and his Six Black Buddies, in the middle of their performance in the tea-room of the hotel at Palm Beach, suddenly changed their instruments for automatics and held up the crowd. I took this bracelet from a pretty, overrouged woman with red hair."
"It came out of one of those bags. You see, Curtis Carlyle and his Six Black Buddies, in the middle of their performance in the hotel tea room at Palm Beach, suddenly swapped their instruments for guns and held up the crowd. I took this bracelet from a pretty, overly made-up woman with red hair."
Ardita frowned and then smiled.
Ardita frowned, then smiled.
"So that's what you did! You have got nerve!"
"So that's what you did! You really have got nerve!"
He bowed.
He bowed.
"A well-known bourgeois quality," he said.
"A well-known middle-class quality," he said.
And then dawn slanted dynamically across the deck and flung the shadows reeling into gray corners. The dew rose and turned to golden mist, thin as a dream, enveloping them until they seemed gossamer relics of the late night, infinitely transient and already fading. For a moment sea and sky were breathless, and dawn held a pink hand over the young mouth of life—then from out in the lake came the complaint of a rowboat and the swish of oars.
And then dawn angled across the deck and sent the shadows reeling into gray corners. The dew rose and turned into golden mist, thin as a dream, wrapping around them until they felt like delicate remnants of the night, fleeting and already disappearing. For a moment, the sea and sky seemed breathless, and dawn held a pink hand over the new beginnings of life—then from out in the lake came the sound of a rowboat and the swish of oars.
Suddenly against the golden furnace low in the east their two graceful figures melted into one, and he was kissing her spoiled young mouth.
Suddenly, against the bright golden sky in the east, their two graceful figures merged into one, and he was kissing her spoiled young lips.
"It's a sort of glory," he murmured after a second.
"It's like a kind of glory," he said softly after a moment.
She smiled up at him.
She smiled at him.
"Happy, are you?"
"Are you happy?"
Her sigh was a benediction—an ecstatic surety that she was youth and beauty now as much as she would ever know. For another instant life was radiant and time a phantom and their strength eternal—then there was a bumping, scraping sound as the rowboat scraped alongside.
Her sigh was a blessing—an overwhelming certainty that she was youth and beauty as much as she would ever be. For a brief moment, life felt vibrant and time an illusion, and their power seemed everlasting—then there was a bumping, scraping noise as the rowboat nudged alongside.
Up the ladder scrambled the two gray-haired men, the officer and two of the sailors with their hands on their revolvers. Mr. Farnam folded his arms and stood looking at his niece.
Up the ladder climbed the two gray-haired men, the officer and two of the sailors, with their hands on their guns. Mr. Farnam crossed his arms and watched his niece.
"So," he said nodding his head slowly.
"So," he said, nodding his head slowly.
With a sigh her arms unwound from Carlyle's neck, and her eyes, transfigured and far away, fell upon the boarding party. Her uncle saw her upper lip slowly swell into that arrogant pout he knew so well.
With a sigh, she pulled her arms away from Carlyle's neck, and her eyes, transformed and distant, landed on the boarding party. Her uncle noticed her upper lip gradually curling into that familiar arrogant pout he recognized so well.
"So," he repeated savagely. "So this is your idea of—of romance. A runaway affair, with a high-seas pirate."
"So," he said harshly. "So this is your idea of—of romance. A secret affair, with a high-seas pirate."
Ardita glanced at him carelessly.
Ardita looked at him dismissively.
"What an old fool you are!" she said quietly.
"What an old fool you are!" she said softly.
"Is that the best you can say for yourself?"
"Is that really the best you can come up with?"
"No," she said as if considering. "No, there's something else. There's that well-known phrase with which I have ended most of our conversations for the past few years—'Shut up!'"
"No," she said as if thinking it over. "No, there's something else. There's that famous phrase I've used to wrap up most of our conversations for the last few years—'Shut up!'"
And with that she turned, included the two old men, the officer, and the two sailors in a curt glance of contempt, and walked proudly down the companionway.
And with that, she turned, giving the two old men, the officer, and the two sailors a brief look of disdain, and walked confidently down the stairs.
But had she waited an instant longer she would have heard a sound from her uncle quite unfamiliar in most of their interviews. He gave vent to a whole-hearted amused chuckle, in which the second old man joined.
But if she had waited just a moment longer, she would have heard a sound from her uncle that was quite unusual in most of their conversations. He let out a genuine, amused chuckle, which the older man joined in on.
The latter turned briskly to Carlyle, who had been regarding this scene with an air of cryptic amusement.
The latter turned quickly to Carlyle, who had been watching this scene with a look of mysterious amusement.
"Well Toby," he said genially, "you incurable, hare-brained romantic chaser of rainbows, did you find that she was the person you wanted?"
"Well Toby," he said kindly, "you hopeless, scatterbrained romantic chasing after dreams, did you find out if she was the person you wanted?"
Carlyle smiled confidently.
Carlyle smiled with confidence.
"Why—naturally," he said "I've been perfectly sure ever since I first heard tell of her wild career. That'd why I had Babe send up the rocket last night."
"Of course," he said, "I've been completely sure ever since I first heard about her crazy life. That's why I had Babe send up the rocket last night."
"I'm glad you did," said Colonel Moreland gravely. "We've been keeping pretty close to you in case you should have trouble with those six strange niggers. And we hoped we'd find you two in some such compromising position," he sighed. "Well, set a crank to catch a crank!"
"I'm glad you did," Colonel Moreland said seriously. "We've been keeping a close eye on you in case you ran into any trouble with those six unusual guys. And we hoped we'd catch you two in some kind of awkward situation," he sighed. "Well, it takes one to catch another!"
"Your father and I sat up all night hoping for the best—or perhaps it's the worst. Lord knows you're welcome to her, my boy. She's run me crazy. Did you give her the Russian bracelet my detective got from that Mimi woman?"
"Your dad and I stayed up all night hoping for the best—or maybe the worst. God knows you’re welcome to her, my boy. She’s driven me insane. Did you give her the Russian bracelet my detective got from that Mimi woman?"
Carlyle nodded.
Carlyle agreed.
"Sh!" he said. "She's coming on deck."
"Sh!" he said. "She's coming up on deck."
Ardita appeared at the head of the companionway and gave a quick involuntary glance at Carlyle's wrists. A puzzled look passed across her face. Back aft the negroes had begun to sing, and the cool lake, fresh with dawn, echoed serenely to their low voices.
Ardita appeared at the top of the stairs and took a quick, unexpected look at Carlyle's wrists. A confused expression crossed her face. In the back, the workers had started to sing, and the cool lake, fresh with dawn, echoed softly to their quiet voices.
"Ardita," said Carlyle unsteadily.
"Ardita," Carlyle said unsteadily.
She swayed a step toward him.
She took a step closer to him.
"Ardita," he repeated breathlessly, "I've got to tell you the—the truth. It was all a plant, Ardita. My name isn't Carlyle. It's Moreland, Toby Moreland. The story was invented, Ardita, invented out of thin Florida air."
"Ardita," he said, catching his breath, "I need to tell you the truth. It was all a setup, Ardita. My name isn't Carlyle. It's Moreland, Toby Moreland. The whole story was made up, Ardita, created from nothing in Florida."
She stared at him, bewildered, amazement, disbelief, and anger flowing in quick waves across her face. The three men held their breaths. Moreland, Senior, took a step toward her; Mr. Farnam's mouth dropped a little open as he waited, panic-stricken, for the expected crash.
She stared at him, confused, with amazement, disbelief, and anger flashing across her face. The three men held their breath. Moreland, Senior, stepped closer; Mr. Farnam's mouth hung slightly open as he anxiously awaited the expected fallout.
But it did not come. Ardita's face became suddenly radiant, and with a little laugh she went swiftly to young Moreland and looked up at him without a trace of wrath in her gray eyes.
But it didn’t come. Ardita's face suddenly lit up, and with a little laugh, she quickly went over to young Moreland and looked up at him with no hint of anger in her gray eyes.
"Will you swear," she said quietly "That it was entirely a product of your own brain?"
"Will you promise," she said softly, "that it was completely your own idea?"
"I swear," said young Moreland eagerly.
"I swear," said young Moreland excitedly.
She drew his head down and kissed him gently.
She pulled his head down and kissed him softly.
"What an imagination!" she said softly and almost enviously. "I want you to lie to me just as sweetly as you know how for the rest of my life."
"What an imagination!" she said softly and almost enviously. "I want you to lie to me just as sweetly as you can for the rest of my life."
The negroes' voices floated drowsily back, mingled in an air that she had heard them singing before.
The dark voices drifted lazily back, blending in an atmosphere that she had heard them sing in before.
"Time is a thief;
Gladness and grief
Cling to the leaf
As it yellows——"
"Time steals away."
Joy and sadness
Hold the leaf tight
As it turns yellow —
"What was in the bags?" she asked softly.
"What was in the bags?" she asked gently.
"Florida mud," he answered. "That was one of the two true things I told you."
"Florida mud," he replied. "That was one of the two honest things I told you."
"Perhaps I can guess the other one," she said; and reaching up on her tiptoes she kissed him softly in the illustration.
"Maybe I can guess the other one," she said; and standing on her tiptoes, she kissed him gently in the illustration.
The Ice Palace
The sunlight dripped over the house like golden paint over an art jar, and the freckling shadows here and there only intensified the rigor of the bath of light. The Butterworth and Larkin houses flanking were entrenched behind great stodgy trees; only the Happer house took the full sun, and all day long faced the dusty road-street with a tolerant kindly patience. This was the city of Tarleton in southernmost Georgia, September afternoon.
The sunlight poured over the house like golden paint from a jar, and the scattered shadows only made the bright light seem even more intense. The Butterworth and Larkin houses on either side were hidden behind big, heavy trees; only the Happer house enjoyed full sunlight, facing the dusty road all day with a friendly, patient demeanor. This was the city of Tarleton in southernmost Georgia on a September afternoon.
Up in her bedroom window Sally Carrol Happer rested her nineteen-year-old chin on a fifty-two-year-old sill and watched Clark Darrow's ancient Ford turn the corner. The car was hot—being partly metallic it retained all the heat it absorbed or evolved—and Clark Darrow sitting bolt upright at the wheel wore a pained, strained expression as though he considered himself a spare part, and rather likely to break. He laboriously crossed two dust ruts, the wheels squeaking indignantly at the encounter, and then with a terrifying expression he gave the steering-gear a final wrench and deposited self and car approximately in front of the Happer steps. There was a heaving sound, a death-rattle, followed by a short silence; and then the air was rent by a startling whistle.
Up in her bedroom window, Sally Carrol Happer rested her nineteen-year-old chin on a fifty-two-year-old sill and watched Clark Darrow's old Ford turn the corner. The car was hot—being partly metal, it kept all the heat it absorbed—and Clark Darrow, sitting straight at the wheel, had a pained, strained look on his face as if he felt like a spare part, likely to break at any moment. He slowly crossed two dusty ruts, the wheels squeaking in protest, and then with a worried look, he gave the steering wheel a final twist and parked himself and the car right in front of the Happer steps. There was a heavy sound, a death-rattle, followed by a brief silence; and then the air was pierced by a startling whistle.
Sally Carrol gazed down sleepily. She started to yawn, but finding this quite impossible unless she raised her chin from the window-sill, changed her mind and continued silently to regard the car, whose owner sat brilliantly if perfunctorily at attention as he waited for an answer to his signal. After a moment the whistle once more split the dusty air.
Sally Carrol looked down sleepily. She began to yawn, but realizing it was impossible unless she lifted her chin from the window-sill, she changed her mind and continued to watch the car, whose owner sat upright, looking attentive as he waited for a reply to his signal. After a moment, the whistle again pierced the dusty air.
"Good mawnin'."
"Good morning."
With difficulty Clark twisted his tall body round and bent a distorted glance on the window.
With effort, Clark turned his tall body and cast a warped glance at the window.
"Tain't mawnin', Sally Carrol."
"It’s not morning, Sally Carrol."
"Isn't it, sure enough?"
"Isn't it true?"
"What you doin'?"
"What are you doing?"
"Eatin' 'n apple."
"Eating an apple."
"Come on go swimmin'—want to?"
"Come on, wanna go swimming?"
"Reckon so."
"Sounds about right."
"How 'bout hurryin' up?"
"How about speeding it up?"
"Sure enough."
"Sure thing."
Sally Carrol sighed voluminously and raised herself with profound inertia from the floor where she had been occupied in alternately destroyed parts of a green apple and painting paper dolls for her younger sister. She approached a mirror, regarded her expression with a pleased and pleasant languor, dabbed two spots of rouge on her lips and a grain of powder on her nose, and covered her bobbed corn-colored hair with a rose-littered sunbonnet. Then she kicked over the painting water, said, "Oh, damn!"—but let it lay—and left the room.
Sally Carrol let out a big sigh and slowly pulled herself up from the floor, where she had been alternating between destroying parts of a green apple and painting paper dolls for her little sister. She walked over to a mirror, looked at her reflection with a satisfied and relaxed expression, dabbed a bit of lipstick on her lips and a sprinkle of powder on her nose, then put on a sunbonnet covered in roses over her bobbed, light-colored hair. Then she accidentally knocked over the water she used for painting, said, "Oh, damn!"—but just left it there—and walked out of the room.
"How you, Clark?" she inquired a minute later as she slipped nimbly over the side of the car.
"How are you, Clark?" she asked a minute later as she gracefully climbed over the side of the car.
"Mighty fine, Sally Carrol."
"Really nice, Sally Carrol."
"Where we go swimmin'?"
"Where are we going swimming?"
"Out to Walley's Pool. Told Marylyn we'd call by an' get her an' Joe Ewing."
"Heading to Walley's Pool. Told Marylyn we’d swing by and pick her and Joe Ewing up."
Clark was dark and lean, and when on foot was rather inclined to stoop. His eyes were ominous and his expression somewhat petulant except when startlingly illuminated by one of his frequent smiles. Clark had "a income"—just enough to keep himself in ease and his car in gasolene—and he had spent the two years since he graduated from Georgia Tech in dozing round the lazy streets of his home town, discussing how he could best invest his capital for an immediate fortune.
Clark was dark and slim, and when he walked, he tended to slouch a bit. His eyes were intense and his expression was somewhat cranky, except when he broke into one of his frequent smiles, which was quite striking. Clark had an income—just enough to keep himself comfortable and his car filled with gas—and he had spent the past two years since graduating from Georgia Tech lounging around the laid-back streets of his hometown, talking about how he could best invest his money for a quick fortune.
Hanging round he found not at all difficult; a crowd of little girls had grown up beautifully, the amazing Sally Carrol foremost among them; and they enjoyed being swum with and danced with and made love to in the flower-filled summery evenings—and they all liked Clark immensely. When feminine company palled there were half a dozen other youths who were always just about to do something, and meanwhile were quite willing to join him in a few holes of golf, or a game of billiards, or the consumption of a quart of "hard yella licker." Every once in a while one of these contemporaries made a farewell round of calls before going up to New York or Philadelphia or Pittsburgh to go into business, but mostly they just stayed round in this languid paradise of dreamy skies and firefly evenings and noisy nigger street fairs—and especially of gracious, soft-voiced girls, who were brought up on memories instead of money.
Hanging around wasn't hard at all; a group of little girls had grown up beautifully, with the amazing Sally Carrol leading the way; and they loved being swum with, danced with, and flirted with during the flower-filled summer evenings—and they all liked Clark a lot. When the company of girls got boring, there were a handful of other guys who were always on the verge of doing something, but in the meantime, they were totally up for playing a few holes of golf, shooting some pool, or downing a quart of "hard yellow liquor." Every now and then, one of these friends would make a goodbye tour of visits before heading off to New York, Philadelphia, or Pittsburgh to start working, but mostly they just hung out in this laid-back paradise of dreamy skies, firefly evenings, and lively street fairs—and especially around gracious, soft-spoken girls, who valued memories more than money.
The Ford having been excited into a sort of restless resentful life Clark and Sally Carrol rolled and rattled down Valley Avenue into Jefferson Street, where the dust road became a pavement; along opiate Millicent Place, where there were half a dozen prosperous, substantial mansions; and on into the down-town section. Driving was perilous here, for it was shopping time; the population idled casually across the streets and a drove of low-moaning oxen were being urged along in front of a placid street-car; even the shops seemed only yawning their doors and blinking their windows in the sunshine before retiring into a state of utter and finite coma.
The Ford, now buzzing with a restless energy, carried Clark and Sally Carrol rolling and rattling down Valley Avenue into Jefferson Street, where the dirt road turned into pavement; past the sleepy Millicent Place, lined with a few impressive, solid mansions; and on into the downtown area. Driving here was risky, as it was peak shopping time; people strolled lazily across the streets while a herd of low-moaning oxen was being nudged along in front of a calm streetcar; even the shops seemed to just yawn open their doors and blink their windows in the sunlight before settling into a complete state of utter stillness.
"Sally Carrol," said Clark suddenly, "it a fact that you're engaged?"
"Sally Carrol," Clark said suddenly, "is it true that you're engaged?"
She looked at him quickly.
She glanced at him quickly.
"Where'd you hear that?"
"Where did you hear that?"
"Sure enough, you engaged?"
"Are you engaged?"
"'At's a nice question!"
"That's a nice question!"
"Girl told me you were engaged to a Yankee you met up in Asheville last summer."
"Girl told me you got engaged to a Yankee you met in Asheville last summer."
Sally Carrol sighed.
Sally Carrol sighed.
"Never saw such an old town for rumors."
"Never seen such an old town full of gossip."
"Don't marry a Yankee, Sally Carrol. We need you round here."
"Don't marry a Northerner, Sally Carrol. We need you around here."
Sally Carrol was silent a moment.
Sally Carrol was quiet for a moment.
"Clark," she demanded suddenly, "who on earth shall I marry?"
"Clark," she asked suddenly, "who on earth should I marry?"
"I offer my services."
"I'm offering my services."
"Honey, you couldn't support a wife," she answered cheerfully. "Anyway, I know you too well to fall in love with you."
"Honey, you couldn't take care of a wife," she replied cheerfully. "Besides, I know you too well to be in love with you."
"'At doesn't mean you ought to marry a Yankee," he persisted.
"'That doesn’t mean you should marry a Yankee," he insisted.
"S'pose I love him?"
"Do I love him?"
He shook his head.
He shook his head.
"You couldn't. He'd be a lot different from us, every way."
"You couldn't. He'd be really different from us in every way."
He broke off as he halted the car in front of a rambling, dilapidated house. Marylyn Wade and Joe Ewing appeared in the doorway.
He stopped as he parked the car in front of a rundown, crumbling house. Marylyn Wade and Joe Ewing appeared in the doorway.
"'Lo Sally Carrol."
"Hey Sally Carrol."
"Hi!"
"Hey!"
"How you-all?"
"How are you all?"
"Sally Carrol," demanded Marylyn as they started of again, "you engaged?"
"Sally Carrol," Marylyn asked as they set off again, "are you engaged?"
"Lawdy, where'd all this start? Can't I look at a man 'thout everybody in town engagin' me to him?"
"Wow, where did all this begin? Can't I just look at a guy without everyone in town trying to set me up with him?"
Clark stared straight in front of him at a bolt on the clattering wind-shield.
Clark stared straight ahead at a bolt on the rattling windshield.
"Sally Carrol," he said with a curious intensity, "don't you 'like us?"
"Sally Carrol," he said with a curious intensity, "don't you like us?"
"What?"
"What did you say?"
"Us down here?"
"Us down here?"
"Why, Clark, you know I do. I adore all you boys."
"Of course, Clark, you know I do. I love all you guys."
"Then why you gettin' engaged to a Yankee?"
"Then why are you getting engaged to someone from the North?"
"Clark, I don't know. I'm not sure what I'll do, but—well, I want to go places and see people. I want my mind to grow. I want to live where things happen on a big scale."
"Clark, I don’t know. I’m not sure what I’ll do, but—I want to travel and meet people. I want to expand my mind. I want to live where things happen on a large scale."
"What you mean?"
"What do you mean?"
"Oh, Clark, I love you, and I love Joe here and Ben Arrot, and you-all, but you'll—you'll——"
"Oh, Clark, I love you, and I love Joe and Ben Arrot here, and all of you, but you’ll—you’ll——"
"We'll all be failures?"
"We're all going to fail?"
"Yes. I don't mean only money failures, but just sort of—of ineffectual and sad, and—oh, how can I tell you?"
"Yes. I don't just mean financial failures, but also feelings of being ineffective and sad, and—oh, how can I explain this to you?"
"You mean because we stay here in Tarleton?"
"You mean because we're staying here in Tarleton?"
"Yes, Clark; and because you like it and never want to change things or think or go ahead."
"Yeah, Clark; and because you enjoy it and never want to change anything or think differently or move forward."
He nodded and she reached over and pressed his hand.
He nodded, and she reached over to hold his hand.
"Clark," she said softly, "I wouldn't change you for the world. You're sweet the way you are. The things that'll make you fail I'll love always—the living in the past, the lazy days and nights you have, and all your carelessness and generosity."
"Clark," she said softly, "I wouldn't trade you for anything. You're amazing just the way you are. I'll always love the things that might hold you back—the way you dwell on the past, your lazy days and nights, and all your carelessness and kindness."
"But you're goin' away?"
"But you're leaving?"
"Yes—because I couldn't ever marry you. You've a place in my heart no one else ever could have, but tied down here I'd get restless. I'd feel I was—wastin' myself. There's two sides to me, you see. There's the sleepy old side you love an' there's a sort of energy—the feeling that makes me do wild things. That's the part of me that may be useful somewhere, that'll last when I'm not beautiful any more."
"Yes—because I could never marry you. You hold a special place in my heart that no one else ever could, but being stuck here would make me restless. I'd feel like I was wasting my potential. You see, there are two sides to me. There's the calm, old side you love, and then there's this energetic part that drives me to do crazy things. That part of me might be valuable somewhere, and it'll still be there when my looks fade."
She broke of with characteristic suddenness and sighed, "Oh, sweet cooky!" as her mood changed.
She suddenly stopped and sighed, "Oh, sweet cookie!" as her mood shifted.
Half closing her eyes and tipping back her head till it rested on the seat-back she let the savory breeze fan her eyes and ripple the fluffy curls of her bobbed hair. They were in the country now, hurrying between tangled growths of bright-green coppice and grass and tall trees that sent sprays of foliage to hang a cool welcome over the road. Here and there they passed a battered negro cabin, its oldest white-haired inhabitant smoking a corncob pipe beside the door, and half a dozen scantily clothed pickaninnies parading tattered dolls on the wild-grown grass in front. Farther out were lazy cotton-fields where even the workers seemed intangible shadows lent by the sun to the earth, not for toil, but to while away some age-old tradition in the golden September fields. And round the drowsy picturesqueness, over the trees and shacks and muddy rivers, flowed the heat, never hostile, only comforting, like a great warm nourishing bosom for the infant earth.
Half-closing her eyes and tilting her head back until it rested against the seat, she let the pleasant breeze fan her eyes and ruffle the fluffy curls of her bobbed hair. They were in the countryside now, rushing past tangled patches of bright green bushes and grass, and tall trees that sent sprays of leaves to create a cool, welcoming shade over the road. Every so often, they passed a worn black cabin, with its oldest white-haired resident smoking a corncob pipe by the door, and a handful of scantily dressed children parading tattered dolls on the wild grass in front. Further out were lazy cotton fields where the workers looked like intangible shadows cast by the sun onto the earth, not working hard, but just passing the time in some ancient tradition amidst the golden September fields. And around the sleepy scenery, over the trees, shacks, and muddy rivers, flowed the warmth, never unfriendly, just soothing, like a great warm, nurturing embrace for the young earth.
"Sally Carrol, we're here!"
"Sally Carrol, we made it!"
"Poor chile's soun' asleep."
"Poor child is sound asleep."
"Honey, you dead at last outa sheer laziness?"
"Honey, are you finally dead out of pure laziness?"
"Water, Sally Carrol! Cool water waitin' for you!"
"Water, Sally Carrol! Refreshing water is waiting for you!"
Her eyes opened sleepily.
Her eyes opened drowsily.
"Hi!" she murmured, smiling.
"Hey!" she whispered, smiling.
II
In November Harry Bellamy, tall, broad, and brisk, came down from his Northern city to spend four days. His intention was to settle a matter that had been hanging fire since he and Sally Carrol had met in Asheville, North Carolina, in midsummer. The settlement took only a quiet afternoon and an evening in front of a glowing open fire, for Harry Bellamy had everything she wanted; and, beside, she loved him—loved him with that side of her she kept especially for loving. Sally Carrol had several rather clearly defined sides.
In November, Harry Bellamy, tall, solid, and energetic, came down from his Northern city for a four-day visit. He planned to resolve an issue that had been pending since he and Sally Carrol met in Asheville, North Carolina, during the summer. Resolving it took just a quiet afternoon and an evening by a warm, glowing fire, because Harry Bellamy had everything she desired; and besides, she loved him—loved him with that part of herself she reserved specifically for love. Sally Carrol had several distinct sides.
On his last afternoon they walked, and she found their steps tending half-unconsciously toward one of her favorite haunts, the cemetery. When it came in sight, gray-white and golden-green under the cheerful late sun, she paused, irresolute, by the iron gate.
On his last afternoon, they took a walk, and she noticed their steps kind of leading, almost without thinking, toward one of her favorite spots, the cemetery. When it came into view, gray-white and golden-green in the warm late sunlight, she stopped, unsure, by the iron gate.
"Are you mournful by nature, Harry?" she asked with a faint smile.
"Are you naturally sad, Harry?" she asked with a slight smile.
"Mournful? Not I."
"Sad? Not me."
"Then let's go in here. It depresses some folks, but I like it."
"Then let's go in here. It makes some people feel down, but I like it."
They passed through the gateway and followed a path that led through a wavy valley of graves—dusty-gray and mouldy for the fifties; quaintly carved with flowers and jars for the seventies; ornate and hideous for the nineties, with fat marble cherubs lying in sodden sleep on stone pillows, and great impossible growths of nameless granite flowers.
They walked through the gateway and followed a path that wound through a hilly valley of graves—dusty gray and moldy from the fifties; charmingly carved with flowers and jars from the seventies; elaborate and ugly from the nineties, with chubby marble cherubs resting on stone pillows, and huge, bizarre clusters of unidentifiable granite flowers.
Occasionally they saw a kneeling figure with tributary flowers, but over most of the graves lay silence and withered leaves with only the fragrance that their own shadowy memories could waken in living minds.
Sometimes, they noticed a kneeling figure with flowers left as tribute, but for the most part, the graves were wrapped in silence, covered with dried leaves, and only the scent that their own fading memories could evoke in living minds lingered.
They reached the top of a hill where they were fronted by a tall, round head-stone, freckled with dark spots of damp and half grown over with vines.
They reached the top of a hill where they were faced with a tall, round headstone, marked with dark damp spots and half covered with vines.
"Margery Lee," she read; "1844-1873. Wasn't she nice? She died when she was twenty-nine. Dear Margery Lee," she added softly. "Can't you see her, Harry?"
"Margery Lee," she read; "1844-1873. Wasn't she nice? She died when she was twenty-nine. Dear Margery Lee," she added softly. "Can't you see her, Harry?"
"Yes, Sally Carrol."
"Yeah, Sally Carrol."
He felt a little hand insert itself into his.
He felt a small hand slip into his.
"She was dark, I think; and she always wore her hair with a ribbon in it, and gorgeous hoop-skirts of Alice blue and old rose."
"She was dark, I think; and she always wore her hair with a ribbon in it, and beautiful hoop skirts of Alice blue and old rose."
"Yes."
"Yep."
"Oh, she was sweet, Harry! And she was the sort of girl born to stand on a wide, pillared porch and welcome folks in. I think perhaps a lot of men went away to war meanin' to come back to her; but maybe none of 'em ever did."
"Oh, she was so sweet, Harry! And she was the kind of girl meant to stand on a big, pillared porch and greet people when they arrived. I think maybe a lot of men went off to war planning to return to her; but maybe none of them ever did."
He stooped down close to the stone, hunting for any record of marriage.
He bent down close to the stone, looking for any indication of marriage.
"There's nothing here to show."
"There's nothing here to display."
"Of course not. How could there be anything there better than just 'Margery Lee,' and that eloquent date?"
"Of course not. How could anything be better than just 'Margery Lee' and that expressive date?"
She drew close to him and an unexpected lump came into his throat as her yellow hair brushed his cheek.
She moved closer to him, and he felt an unexpected lump in his throat as her blonde hair brushed against his cheek.
"You see how she was, don't you Harry?"
"You see how she was, right Harry?"
"I see," he agreed gently. "I see through your precious eyes. You're beautiful now, so I know she must have been."
"I get it," he said softly. "I can see through your lovely eyes. You're beautiful now, so I know she must have been too."
Silent and close they stood, and he could feel her shoulders trembling a little. An ambling breeze swept up the hill and stirred the brim of her floppidy hat.
Silent and near, they stood, and he could feel her shoulders shaking slightly. A gentle breeze rolled up the hill and flicked the edge of her floppy hat.
"Let's go down there!"
"Let's head down there!"
She was pointing to a flat stretch on the other side of the hill where along the green turf were a thousand grayish-white crosses stretching in endless, ordered rows like the stacked arms of a battalion.
She was pointing to a flat area on the other side of the hill where, across the green grass, were a thousand grayish-white crosses lined up in endless, organized rows like the stacked arms of a battalion.
"Those are the Confederate dead," said Sally Carrol simply.
"Those are the Confederate dead," Sally Carrol said simply.
They walked along and read the inscriptions, always only a name and a date, sometimes quite indecipherable.
They walked along and read the names and dates on the inscriptions, which were often hard to read.
"The last row is the saddest—see, 'way over there. Every cross has just a date on it and the word 'Unknown.'"
"The last row is the saddest—look, 'way over there. Every cross has just a date on it and the word 'Unknown.'"
She looked at him and her eyes brimmed with tears.
She looked at him, and her eyes filled with tears.
"I can't tell you how real it is to me, darling—if you don't know."
"I can’t explain how real this feels to me, babe—if you don’t already know."
"How you feel about it is beautiful to me."
"How you feel about it means a lot to me."
"No, no, it's not me, it's them—that old time that I've tried to have live in me. These were just men, unimportant evidently or they wouldn't have been 'unknown'; but they died for the most beautiful thing in the world—the dead South. You see," she continued, her voice still husky, her eyes glistening with tears, "people have these dreams they fasten onto things, and I've always grown up with that dream. It was so easy because it was all dead and there weren't any disillusions comin' to me. I've tried in a way to live up to those past standards of noblesse oblige—there's just the last remnants of it, you know, like the roses of an old garden dying all round us—streaks of strange courtliness and chivalry in some of these boys an' stories I used to hear from a Confederate soldier who lived next door, and a few old darkies. Oh, Harry, there was something, there was something! I couldn't ever make you understand but it was there."
"No, no, it's not me, it's them—that old time I've tried to keep alive in me. These were just guys, obviously unimportant or they wouldn’t have been 'unknown'; but they died for the most beautiful thing in the world—the lost South. You see," she continued, her voice still raspy, her eyes shining with tears, "people have these dreams they attach to things, and I've always grown up with that dream. It was so easy because it was all gone and there weren’t any disillusions coming my way. I've tried in a way to live up to those old standards of noblesse oblige—there's just the last remnants of it, you know, like the roses of an old garden dying all around us—flecks of strange courtesy and chivalry in some of these boys and stories I used to hear from a Confederate soldier who lived next door, and a few old folks. Oh, Harry, there was something, there was something! I could never make you understand but it was there."
"I understand," he assured her again quietly.
"I get it," he reassured her softly.
Sally Carol smiled and dried her eyes on the tip of a handkerchief protruding from his breast pocket.
Sally Carol smiled and wiped her eyes with the tip of a handkerchief sticking out from his breast pocket.
"You don't feel depressed, do you, lover? Even when I cry I'm happy here, and I get a sort of strength from it."
"You’re not feeling down, are you, love? Even when I cry, I’m happy here, and I draw some kind of strength from it."
Hand in hand they turned and walked slowly away. Finding soft grass she drew him down to a seat beside her with their backs against the remnants of a low broken wall.
Hand in hand, they turned and walked slowly away. When they found some soft grass, she pulled him down to sit beside her with their backs against the remains of a low, broken wall.
"Wish those three old women would clear out," he complained. "I want to kiss you, Sally Carrol."
"Wish those three old ladies would leave," he complained. "I want to kiss you, Sally Carrol."
"Me, too."
"Same here."
They waited impatiently for the three bent figures to move off, and then she kissed him until the sky seemed to fade out and all her smiles and tears to vanish in an ecstasy of eternal seconds.
They waited anxiously for the three hunched figures to leave, and then she kissed him until the sky appeared to disappear and all her smiles and tears faded away in a blissful moment that felt like it would last forever.
Afterward they walked slowly back together, while on the corners twilight played at somnolent black-and-white checkers with the end of day.
Afterward, they walked back together slowly, while on the corners, twilight played a sleepy game of black-and-white checkers with the end of the day.
"You'll be up about mid-January," he said, "and you've got to stay a month at least. It'll be slick. There's a winter carnival on, and if you've never really seen snow it'll be like fairy-land to you. There'll be skating and skiing and tobogganing and sleigh-riding, and all sorts of torchlight parades on snow-shoes. They haven't had one for years, so they're gong to make it a knock-out."
"You'll be up around mid-January," he said, "and you need to stay for at least a month. It'll be amazing. There's a winter carnival happening, and if you've never really seen snow, it'll feel like a fairy tale to you. There will be skating, skiing, tobogganing, and sleigh rides, plus all kinds of torchlight parades on snowshoes. They haven't had one for years, so they’re going to make it unforgettable."
"Will I be cold, Harry?" she asked suddenly.
"Will I be cold, Harry?" she asked out of the blue.
"You certainly won't. You may freeze your nose, but you won't be shivery cold. It's hard and dry, you know."
"You definitely won’t. You might freeze your nose, but you won’t feel really cold. It’s hard and dry, you know."
"I guess I'm a summer child. I don't like any cold I've ever seen."
"I guess I'm a summer person. I've never liked any cold weather I've experienced."
She broke off and they were both silent for a minute.
She stopped speaking, and they both fell silent for a minute.
"Sally Carol," he said very slowly, "what do you say to—March?"
"Sally Carol," he said slowly, "what do you think about—March?"
"I say I love you."
"I love you."
"March?"
"March?"
"March, Harry."
"March, Harry."
III
All night in the Pullman it was very cold. She rang for the porter to ask for another blanket, and when he couldn't give her one she tried vainly, by squeezing down into the bottom of her berth and doubling back the bedclothes, to snatch a few hours' sleep. She wanted to look her best in the morning.
All night in the train, it was really cold. She called the porter to request another blanket, but when he couldn't provide one, she desperately tried to bundle up in her berth and wrap the bedclothes around her, hoping to grab a few hours of sleep. She wanted to look her best in the morning.
She rose at six and sliding uncomfortably into her clothes stumbled up to the diner for a cup of coffee. The snow had filtered into the vestibules and covered the door with a slippery coating. It was intriguing this cold, it crept in everywhere. Her breath was quite visible and she blew into the air with a naïve enjoyment. Seated in the diner she stared out the window at white hills and valleys and scattered pines whose every branch was a green platter for a cold feast of snow. Sometimes a solitary farmhouse would fly by, ugly and bleak and lone on the white waste; and with each one she had an instant of chill compassion for the souls shut in there waiting for spring.
She got up at six and awkwardly put on her clothes before heading to the diner for a cup of coffee. The snow had drifted into the entryway and coated the door with a slick layer. This cold was fascinating; it seeped in everywhere. She could see her breath and blew into the air with a childlike delight. Sitting in the diner, she gazed out the window at the white hills and valleys, along with scattered pines, each branch holding a green plate for the cold feast of snow. Sometimes, a lonely farmhouse would pass by, looking ugly and desolate on the white expanse; and with each one, she felt a brief chill of compassion for the souls trapped inside, waiting for spring.
As she left the diner and swayed back into the Pullman she experienced a surging rush of energy and wondered if she was feeling the bracing air of which Harry had spoken. This was the North, the North—her land now!
As she walked out of the diner and swayed back into the Pullman, she felt a burst of energy and wondered if she was experiencing the fresh air Harry had mentioned. This was the North, the North—her land now!
"Then blow, ye winds, heighho!
A-roving I will go,"
"Then blow, you winds, hey there!"
"I'm off to explore,"
she chanted exultantly to herself.
she joyfully chanted to herself.
"What's 'at?" inquired the porter politely.
"What's that?" asked the porter politely.
"I said: 'Brush me off.'"
"I said: 'Ignore me.'"
The long wires of the telegraph poles doubled, two tracks ran up beside the train—three—four; came a succession of white-roofed houses, a glimpse of a trolley-car with frosted windows, streets—more streets—the city.
The long wires of the telegraph poles twisted together, two tracks ran alongside the train—three—four; there were a series of white-roofed houses, a glimpse of a trolley car with frosted windows, streets—more streets—the city.
She stood for a dazed moment in the frosty station before she saw three fur-bundled figures descending upon her.
She stood for a dazed moment in the chilly station before she noticed three figures wrapped in fur approaching her.
"There she is!"
"There's she!"
"Oh, Sally Carrol!"
"Oh, Sally Carroll!"
Sally Carrol dropped her bag.
Sally Carrol dropped her bag.
"Hi!"
"Hey!"
A faintly familiar icy-cold face kissed her, and then she was in a group of faces all apparently emitting great clouds of heavy smoke; she was shaking hands. There were Gordon, a short, eager man of thirty who looked like an amateur knocked-about model for Harry, and his wife, Myra, a listless lady with flaxen hair under a fur automobile cap. Almost immediately Sally Carrol thought of her as vaguely Scandinavian. A cheerful chauffeur adopted her bag, and amid ricochets of half-phrases, exclamations and perfunctory listless "my dears" from Myra, they swept each other from the station.
A faintly familiar icy-cold face kissed her, and then she was surrounded by a group of faces that seemed to be surrounded by thick clouds of heavy smoke; she was shaking hands. There was Gordon, a short, eager man in his thirties who looked like a worn-out model for Harry, and his wife, Myra, a tired lady with blonde hair under a fur car hat. Almost immediately, Sally Carrol thought of her as vaguely Scandinavian. A cheerful chauffeur took her bag, and amid bursts of half-phrases, exclamations, and Myra’s routine, lifeless "my dears," they moved away from the station.
Then they were in a sedan bound through a crooked succession of snowy streets where dozens of little boys were hitching sleds behind grocery wagons and automobiles.
Then they were in a car traveling through a winding series of snowy streets where dozens of little boys were pulling sleds behind grocery carts and cars.
"Oh," cried Sally Carrol, "I want to do that! Can we Harry?"
"Oh," exclaimed Sally Carrol, "I want to do that! Can we, Harry?"
"That's for kids. But we might——"
"That's for kids. But we might——"
"It looks like such a circus!" she said regretfully.
"It looks like such a mess!" she said regretfully.
Home was a rambling frame house set on a white lap of snow, and there she met a big, gray-haired man of whom she approved, and a lady who was like an egg, and who kissed her—these were Harry's parents. There was a breathless indescribable hour crammed full of self-sentences, hot water, bacon and eggs and confusion; and after that she was alone with Harry in the library, asking him if she dared smoke.
Home was a sprawling wooden house sitting on a blanket of white snow, and there she met a big, gray-haired man that she liked, along with a lady who was kind of round and who kissed her—these were Harry’s parents. There was a thrilling, indescribable hour packed with awkward sentences, hot water, bacon and eggs, and chaos; and after that, she found herself alone with Harry in the library, asking him if it was okay to smoke.
It was a large room with a Madonna over the fireplace and rows upon rows of books in covers of light gold and dark gold and shiny red. All the chairs had little lace squares where one's head should rest, the couch was just comfortable, the books looked as if they had been read—some—and Sally Carrol had an instantaneous vision of the battered old library at home, with her father's huge medical books, and the oil-paintings of her three great-uncles, and the old couch that had been mended up for forty-five years and was still luxurious to dream in. This room struck her as being neither attractive nor particularly otherwise. It was simply a room with a lot of fairly expensive things in it that all looked about fifteen years old.
It was a big room with a Madonna painting above the fireplace and shelves full of books with light gold, dark gold, and shiny red covers. All the chairs had little lace squares where you could rest your head, the couch was just comfortable enough, and the books looked like they had been read—some of them. Sally Carrol instantly thought of the worn old library at home, filled with her father's massive medical books, the oil paintings of her three great-uncles, and the old couch that had been patched up for forty-five years but was still cozy to relax on. This room seemed neither appealing nor anything special. It was just a room with a lot of fairly pricey items that all looked about fifteen years old.
"What do you think of it up here?" demanded Harry eagerly. "Does it surprise you? Is it what you expected I mean?"
"What do you think of it up here?" Harry asked eagerly. "Are you surprised? Is it what you expected?"
"You are, Harry," she said quietly, and reached out her arms to him.
"You are, Harry," she said softly, and opened her arms to him.
But after a brief kiss he seemed to extort enthusiasm from her.
But after a quick kiss, he seemed to extract excitement from her.
"The town, I mean. Do you like it? Can you feel the pep in the air?"
"The town, I mean. Do you like it? Can you feel the energy in the air?"
"Oh, Harry," she laughed, "you'll have to give me time. You can't just fling questions at me."
"Oh, Harry," she laughed, "you'll need to give me some time. You can't just throw questions at me."
She puffed at her cigarette with a sigh of contentment.
She took a drag of her cigarette with a sigh of satisfaction.
"One thing I want to ask you," he began rather apologetically; "you Southerners put quite an emphasis on family, and all that—not that it isn't quite all right, but you'll find it a little different here. I mean—you'll notice a lot of things that'll seem to you sort of vulgar display at first, Sally Carrol; but just remember that this is a three-generation town. Everybody has a father, and about half of us have grandfathers. Back of that we don't go."
"There's something I want to ask you," he started a bit sheepishly; "you Southerners really value family and all that—not that it's a bad thing, but you’ll notice it’s a bit different here. I mean—you’re going to see a lot of things that might seem like an overly showy display at first, Sally Carrol; but keep in mind that this is a three-generation town. Everyone has a dad, and about half of us have grandpas. We don’t go back further than that."
"Of course," she murmured.
"Of course," she said softly.
"Our grandfathers, you see, founded the place, and a lot of them had to take some pretty queer jobs while they were doing the founding. For instance there's one woman who at present is about the social model for the town; well, her father was the first public ash man—things like that."
"Our grandfathers, as you can see, built this place, and many of them had to take on some pretty odd jobs while they were getting it started. For example, there's one woman who's currently considered the social model for the town; well, her father was the town's first public ash collector—stuff like that."
"Why," said Sally Carol, puzzled, "did you s'pose I was goin' to make remarks about people?"
"Why," said Sally Carol, confused, "did you think I was going to comment on people?"
"Not at all," interrupted Harry, "and I'm not apologizing for any one either. It's just that—well, a Southern girl came up here last summer and said some unfortunate things, and—oh, I just thought I'd tell you."
"Not at all," Harry cut in, "and I’m not apologizing for anyone either. It's just that—well, a Southern girl came up here last summer and said some really awkward things, and—oh, I just thought I’d let you know."
Sally Carrol felt suddenly indignant—as though she had been unjustly spanked—but Harry evidently considered the subject closed, for he went on with a great surge of enthusiasm.
Sally Carrol suddenly felt angry—as if she had been unfairly punished—but Harry clearly thought the topic was done, as he continued with a burst of excitement.
"It's carnival time, you know. First in ten years. And there's an ice palace they're building new that's the first they've had since eighty-five. Built out of blocks of the clearest ice they could find—on a tremendous scale."
"It's carnival time, you know. First one in ten years. And they're building a new ice palace, the first they've had since '85. It's made out of the clearest ice blocks they could find—really on a huge scale."
She rose and walking to the window pushed aside the heavy Turkish portières and looked out.
She stood up, walked to the window, pulled back the heavy Turkish curtains, and looked outside.
"Oh!" she cried suddenly. "There's two little boys makin' a snow man! Harry, do you reckon I can go out an' help 'em?"
"Oh!" she exclaimed suddenly. "There are two little boys making a snowman! Harry, do you think I can go out and help them?"
"You dream! Come here and kiss me."
"You’re dreaming! Come over here and kiss me."
She left the window rather reluctantly.
She left the window a bit unwillingly.
"I don't guess this is a very kissable climate, is it? I mean, it makes you so you don't want to sit round, doesn't it?"
"I guess this isn’t really a kissable climate, is it? I mean, it makes you not want to just sit around, right?"
"We're not going to. I've got a vacation for the first week you're here, and there's a dinner-dance to-night."
"We're not going to. I have vacation planned for the first week you're here, and there's a dinner dance tonight."
"Oh, Harry," she confessed, subsiding in a heap, half in his lap, half in the pillows, "I sure do feel confused. I haven't got an idea whether I'll like it or not, an' I don't know what people expect, or anythin'. You'll have to tell me, honey."
"Oh, Harry," she admitted, collapsing in a pile, half on his lap, half on the pillows, "I really feel confused. I have no idea if I’ll like it or not, and I don’t know what people expect, or anything. You’ll have to tell me, darling."
"I'll tell you," he said softly, "if you'll just tell me you're glad to be here."
"I'll tell you," he said softly, "if you just tell me you're happy to be here."
"Glad—just awful glad!" she whispered, insinuating herself into his arms in her own peculiar way. "Where you are is home for me, Harry."
"Glad—just really glad!" she whispered, easing herself into his arms in her own unique way. "Wherever you are feels like home to me, Harry."
And as she said this she had the feeling for almost the first time in her life that she was acting a part.
And as she said this, she felt for almost the first time in her life that she was playing a role.
That night, amid the gleaming candles of a dinner-party, where the men seemed to do most of the talking while the girls sat in a haughty and expensive aloofness, even Harry's presence on her left failed to make her feel at home.
That night, surrounded by the flickering candles at a dinner party, where the men did most of the talking while the women sat in a posh and distant attitude, even Harry sitting next to her on the left couldn't make her feel at ease.
"They're a good-looking crowd, don't you think?" he demanded. "Just look round. There's Spud Hubbard, tackle at Princeton last year, and Junie Morton—he and the red-haired fellow next to him were both Yale hockey captains; Junie was in my class. Why, the best athletes in the world come from these States round here. This is a man's country, I tell you. Look at John J. Fishburn!"
"They're a good-looking group, don't you think?" he asked. "Just take a look around. There's Spud Hubbard, who was a tackle at Princeton last year, and Junie Morton—he and the red-haired guy next to him were both captains of the Yale hockey team; Junie was in my class. The best athletes in the world come from these states around here. This is a man's country, I swear. Look at John J. Fishburn!"
"Who's he?" asked Sally Carrol innocently.
"Who is he?" asked Sally Carrol innocently.
"Don't you know?"
"Don't you know?"
"I've heard the name."
"I've heard of that."
"Greatest wheat man in the Northwest, and one of the greatest financiers in the country."
"Greatest wheat farmer in the Northwest, and one of the top financiers in the country."
She turned suddenly to a voice on her right.
She suddenly turned to a voice on her right.
"I guess they forget to introduce us. My name's Roger Patton."
"I guess they forgot to introduce us. I'm Roger Patton."
"My name is Sally Carrol Happer," she said graciously.
"My name is Sally Carrol Happer," she said politely.
"Yes, I know. Harry told me you were coming."
"Yeah, I know. Harry mentioned you were on your way."
"You a relative?"
"Are you a relative?"
"No, I'm a professor."
"No, I'm a professor."
"Oh," she laughed.
"Oh," she chuckled.
"At the university. You're from the South, aren't you?"
"At the university. You're from the South, right?"
"Yes; Tarleton, Georgia."
"Yes, Tarleton, Georgia."
She liked him immediately—a reddish-brown mustache under watery blue eyes that had something in them that these other eyes lacked, some quality of appreciation. They exchanged stray sentences through dinner, and she made up her mind to see him again.
She liked him right away—a reddish-brown mustache beneath watery blue eyes that had something the others didn’t, a sense of appreciation. They traded casual sentences throughout dinner, and she decided she wanted to see him again.
After coffee she was introduced to numerous good-looking young men who danced with conscious precision and seemed to take it for granted that she wanted to talk about nothing except Harry.
After coffee, she was introduced to several attractive young men who danced with deliberate precision and seemed to assume that she only wanted to talk about Harry.
"Heavens," she thought, "They talk as if my being engaged made me older than they are—as if I'd tell their mothers on them!"
"Heavens," she thought, "They talk as if being engaged makes me older than they are—as if I'd go tell their moms on them!"
In the South an engaged girl, even a young married woman, expected the same amount of half-affectionate badinage and flattery that would be accorded a débutante, but here all that seemed banned. One young man after getting well started on the subject of Sally Carrol's eyes and, how they had allured him ever since she entered the room, went into a violent convulsion when he found she was visiting the Bellamys—was Harry's fiancée. He seemed to feel as though he had made some risqué and inexcusable blunder, became immediately formal and left her at the first opportunity.
In the South, an engaged girl, even a young married woman, expected the same level of half-affectionate teasing and flattery that would be given to a debutante, but here, that all seemed off-limits. One young man, after starting to rave about Sally Carrol's eyes and how they'd captivated him since she walked into the room, freaked out when he realized she was visiting the Bellamys—Harry's fiancée. He felt like he had committed some scandalous and unforgivable mistake, became instantly formal, and left her at the first chance he got.
She was rather glad when Roger Patton cut in on her and suggested that they sit out a while.
She was pretty glad when Roger Patton jumped in and suggested they take a break for a bit.
"Well," he inquired, blinking cheerily, "how's Carmen from the South?"
"Well," he asked, blinking happily, "how's Carmen from the South?"
"Mighty fine. How's—how's Dangerous Dan McGrew? Sorry, but he's the only Northerner I know much about."
"Mighty fine. How's—how's Dangerous Dan McGrew? Sorry, but he's the only Northerner I really know much about."
He seemed to enjoy that.
He seemed to like that.
"Of course," he confessed, "as a professor of literature I'm not supposed to have read Dangerous Dan McGrew."
"Of course," he admitted, "as a literature professor, I'm not supposed to have read Dangerous Dan McGrew."
"Are you a native?"
"Are you a local?"
"No, I'm a Philadelphian. Imported from Harvard to teach French. But I've been here ten years."
"No, I'm from Philadelphia. I was brought in from Harvard to teach French. But I've been here for ten years."
"Nine years, three hundred an' sixty-four days longer than me."
"Nine years, three hundred sixty-four days longer than me."
"Like it here?"
"Do you like it here?"
"Uh-huh. Sure do!"
"Yep. Absolutely!"
"Really?"
"Seriously?"
"Well, why not? Don't I look as if I were havin' a good time?"
"Well, why not? Don't I look like I'm having a good time?"
"I saw you look out the window a minute ago—and shiver."
"I saw you glance out the window a minute ago—and shiver."
"Just my imagination," laughed Sally Carroll "I'm used to havin' everythin' quiet outside an' sometimes I look out an' see a flurry of snow an' it's just as if somethin' dead was movin'."
"Just my imagination," laughed Sally Carroll. "I'm used to having everything quiet outside and sometimes I look out and see a flurry of snow and it’s like something dead is moving."
He nodded appreciatively.
He nodded in approval.
"Ever been North before?"
"Have you ever been North?"
"Spent two Julys in Asheville, North Carolina."
"Spent two summers in Asheville, North Carolina."
"Nice-looking crowd aren't they?" suggested Patton, indicating the swirling floor.
"Great-looking crowd, right?" Patton said, pointing at the lively dance floor.
Sally Carrol started. This had been Harry's remark.
Sally Carrol flinched. This was Harry's comment.
"Sure are! They're—canine."
"Sure are! They're—dogs."
"What?"
"What did you say?"
She flushed.
She blushed.
"I'm sorry; that sounded worse than I meant it. You see I always think of people as feline or canine, irrespective of sex."
"I'm sorry; that came out worse than I meant. You see, I always think of people as either cat-like or dog-like, regardless of gender."
"Which are you?"
"Which one are you?"
"I'm feline. So are you. So are most Southern men an' most of these girls here."
"I'm feeling good. So are you. So are most Southern guys and most of the girls here."
"What's Harry?"
"What's up with Harry?"
"Harry's canine distinctly. All the men I've to-night seem to be canine."
"Harry's dog is really noticeable. All the guys I've seen tonight seem to be like dogs."
"What does canine imply? A certain conscious masculinity as opposed to subtlety?"
"What does canine mean? A certain aware masculinity as opposed to subtlety?"
"Reckon so. I never analyzed it—only I just look at people an' say 'canine' or 'feline' right off. It's right absurd I guess."
"Yeah, I guess so. I never really thought about it— I just look at people and immediately think 'dog' or 'cat.' It seems pretty silly, I suppose."
"Not at all. I'm interested. I used to have a theory about these people. I think they're freezing up."
"Not at all. I'm interested. I once had a theory about these people. I think they're getting stuck."
"What?"
"Excuse me?"
"Well, they're growing' like Swedes—Ibsenesque, you know. Very gradually getting gloomy and melancholy. It's these long winters. Ever read Ibsen?"
"Well, they're growing like crazy—kind of Ibsenesque, you know. Slowly getting gloomy and sad. It's these long winters. Ever read Ibsen?"
She shook her head.
She nodded in disagreement.
"Well, you find in his characters a certain brooding rigidity. They're righteous, narrow, and cheerless, without infinite possibilities for great sorrow or joy."
"Well, you can see in his characters a kind of intense rigidity. They’re self-righteous, narrow-minded, and joyless, lacking the endless potential for deep sorrow or happiness."
"Without smiles or tears?"
"Without smiles or tears?"
"Exactly. That's my theory. You see there are thousands of Swedes up here. They come, I imagine, because the climate is very much like their own, and there's been a gradual mingling. There're probably not half a dozen here to-night, but—we've had four Swedish governors. Am I boring you?"
"Exactly. That's my theory. You see, there are thousands of Swedes up here. They come, I guess, because the climate is quite similar to their own, and there's been a gradual mix. There are probably not more than half a dozen here tonight, but—we’ve had four Swedish governors. Am I boring you?"
"I'm mighty interested."
"I'm really interested."
"Your future sister-in-law is half Swedish. Personally I like her, but my theory is that Swedes react rather badly on us as a whole. Scandinavians, you know, have the largest suicide rate in the world."
"Your future sister-in-law is half Swedish. Personally, I like her, but my theory is that Swedes generally don’t react well to us. Scandinavians, you know, have the highest suicide rate in the world."
"Why do you live here if it's so depressing?"
"Why do you live here if it’s such a downer?"
"Oh, it doesn't get me. I'm pretty well cloistered, and I suppose books mean more than people to me anyway."
"Oh, it doesn't bother me. I'm pretty isolated, and I guess books matter more to me than people do, anyway."
"But writers all speak about the South being tragic. You know—Spanish señoritas, black hair and daggers an' haunting music."
"But all writers talk about the South being tragic. You know—Spanish girls, black hair and daggers, and haunting music."
He shook his head.
He shook his head.
"No, the Northern races are the tragic races—they don't indulge in the cheering luxury of tears."
"No, the Northern people are the tragic ones—they don't indulge in the comforting luxury of tears."
Sally Carrol thought of her graveyard. She supposed that that was vaguely what she had meant when she said it didn't depress her.
Sally Carrol thought about her graveyard. She figured that was sort of what she meant when she said it didn’t get her down.
"The Italians are about the gayest people in the world—but it's a dull subject," he broke off. "Anyway, I want to tell you you're marrying a pretty fine man."
"The Italians are some of the most fun-loving people in the world—but it's a boring topic," he paused. "Anyway, I want to let you know you're marrying a really great guy."
Sally Carrol was moved by an impulse of confidence.
Sally Carrol was driven by a burst of confidence.
"I know. I'm the sort of person who wants to be taken care of after a certain point, and I feel sure I will be."
"I know. I'm the kind of person who wants to be looked after after a certain point, and I'm confident that I will be."
"Shall we dance? You know," he continued as they rose, "it's encouraging to find a girl who knows what she's marrying for. Nine-tenths of them think of it as a sort of walking into a moving-picture sunset."
"Shall we dance? You know," he continued as they got up, "it's nice to find a girl who understands what she's getting married for. Nine out of ten of them see it as if they're stepping into a movie sunset."
She laughed and liked him immensely.
She laughed and really liked him.
Two hours later on the way home she nestled near Harry in the back seat.
Two hours later, on the way home, she cuddled up next to Harry in the back seat.
"Oh, Harry," she whispered "it's so co-old!"
"Oh, Harry," she whispered, "it's so cold!"
"But it's warm in here, daring girl."
"But it's warm in here, bold girl."
"But outside it's cold; and oh, that howling wind!"
"But outside it's cold, and wow, that howling wind!"
She buried her face deep in his fur coat and trembled involuntarily as his cold lips kissed the tip of her ear.
She buried her face in his fur coat and shivered involuntarily as his cold lips brushed the tip of her ear.
IV
The first week of her visit passed in a whirl. She had her promised toboggan-ride at the back of an automobile through a chill January twilight. Swathed in furs she put in a morning tobogganing on the country-club hill; even tried skiing, to sail through the air for a glorious moment and then land in a tangled laughing bundle on a soft snow-drift. She liked all the winter sports, except an afternoon spent snow-shoeing over a glaring plain under pale yellow sunshine, but she soon realized that these things were for children—that she was being humored and that the enjoyment round her was only a reflection of her own.
The first week of her visit flew by. She enjoyed her promised toboggan ride at the back of a car during a chilly January twilight. Wrapped in furs, she spent a morning tobogganing on the country club hill; she even tried skiing, soaring through the air for an exhilarating moment before landing in a jumbled, laughing pile on a soft snow drift. She loved all the winter sports, except for one afternoon spent snowshoeing across a bright, glaring plain under a pale yellow sun. But she quickly realized that these activities were meant for kids—that she was being indulged and that the fun around her was just a reflection of her own.
At first the Bellamy family puzzled her. The men were reliable and she liked them; to Mr. Bellamy especially, with his iron-gray hair and energetic dignity, she took an immediate fancy, once she found that he was born in Kentucky; this made of him a link between the old life and the new. But toward the women she felt a definite hostility. Myra, her future sister-in-law, seemed the essence of spiritless conversationality. Her conversation was so utterly devoid of personality that Sally Carrol, who came from a country where a certain amount of charm and assurance could be taken for granted in the women, was inclined to despise her.
At first, the Bellamy family confused her. The men were dependable, and she liked them; she especially took an instant liking to Mr. Bellamy, with his iron-gray hair and energetic dignity, once she learned he was born in Kentucky. This made him a connection between her old life and this new one. But she felt a clear hostility toward the women. Myra, her future sister-in-law, seemed to personify dull small talk. Her conversation was so utterly lacking in personality that Sally Carrol, who came from a place where a certain level of charm and confidence was expected in women, felt inclined to look down on her.
"If those women aren't beautiful," she thought, "they're nothing. They just fade out when you look at them. They're glorified domestics. Men are the centre of every mixed group."
"If those women aren't beautiful," she thought, "they're nothing. They just disappear when you look at them. They're just glorified housekeepers. Men are the focus of every mixed group."
Lastly there was Mrs. Bellamy, whom Sally Carrol detested. The first day's impression of an egg had been confirmed—an egg with a cracked, veiny voice and such an ungracious dumpiness of carriage that Sally Carrol felt that if she once fell she would surely scramble. In addition, Mrs. Bellamy seemed to typify the town in being innately hostile to strangers. She called Sally Carrol "Sally," and could not be persuaded that the double name was anything more than a tedious ridiculous nickname. To Sally Carrol this shortening of her name was presenting her to the public half clothed. She loved "Sally Carrol"; she loathed "Sally." She knew also that Harry's mother disapproved of her bobbed hair; and she had never dared smoke down-stairs after that first day when Mrs. Bellamy had come into the library sniffing violently.
Lastly, there was Mrs. Bellamy, whom Sally Carrol couldn’t stand. Her first impression had held true—an egg with a cracked, veiny voice and such an awkward, dumpy demeanor that Sally Carrol felt like she would fall apart if she ever stumbled. Plus, Mrs. Bellamy seemed to represent the town’s innate hostility toward outsiders. She called Sally Carrol "Sally," insisting that the longer name was nothing more than a tedious, silly nickname. To Sally Carrol, this shortening of her name felt like being exposed to the public inappropriately. She loved "Sally Carrol"; she hated "Sally." She also knew that Harry's mom disapproved of her bobbed hair, and she had never dared to smoke downstairs after that first day when Mrs. Bellamy came into the library, sniffing dramatically.
Of all the men she met she preferred Roger Patton, who was a frequent visitor at the house. He never again alluded to the Ibsenesque tendency of the populace, but when he came in one day and found her curled upon the sofa bent over "Peer Gynt" he laughed and told her to forget what he'd said—that it was all rot.
Of all the guys she met, she liked Roger Patton the most, who often stopped by the house. He never mentioned the Ibsenesque behavior of the people again, but one day when he walked in and saw her curled up on the sofa engrossed in "Peer Gynt," he laughed and told her to forget what he had said—that it was all nonsense.
They had been walking homeward between mounds of high-piled snow and under a sun which Sally Carrol scarcely recognized. They passed a little girl done up in gray wool until she resembled a small Teddy bear, and Sally Carrol could not resist a gasp of maternal appreciation.
They had been walking home between piles of snow and under a sun that Sally Carrol barely recognized. They passed a little girl bundled up in gray wool, making her look like a small Teddy bear, and Sally Carrol couldn't help but gasp in maternal admiration.
"Look! Harry!"
"Hey! Harry!"
"What?"
"What the heck?"
"That little girl—did you see her face?"
"Did you see the little girl's face?"
"Yes, why?"
"Yeah, why?"
"It was red as a little strawberry. Oh, she was cute!"
"It was as red as a small strawberry. Oh, she was adorable!"
"Why, your own face is almost as red as that already! Everybody's healthy here. We're out in the cold as soon as we're old enough to walk. Wonderful climate!"
"Wow, your face is almost as red as that already! Everyone's doing well here. We’re out in the cold as soon as we can walk. Great weather!"
She looked at him and had to agree. He was mighty healthy-looking; so was his brother. And she had noticed the new red in her own cheeks that very morning.
She looked at him and had to agree. He looked really healthy; so did his brother. And she had noticed the new flush in her own cheeks that very morning.
Suddenly their glances were caught and held, and they stared for a moment at the street-corner ahead of them. A man was standing there, his knees bent, his eyes gazing upward with a tense expression as though he were about to make a leap toward the chilly sky. And then they both exploded into a shout of laughter, for coming closer they discovered it had been a ludicrous momentary illusion produced by the extreme bagginess of the man's trousers.
Suddenly, their eyes locked onto something, and they stared for a moment at the street corner in front of them. A man was standing there with his knees bent, looking up with a tense expression as if he was about to leap into the chilly sky. Then they both burst into laughter when they got closer and realized it had been a ridiculous momentary illusion caused by the extreme bagginess of the man's pants.
"Reckon that's one on us," she laughed.
"Guess that one's on us," she laughed.
"He must be Southerner, judging by those trousers," suggested Harry mischievously.
"He must be a Southerner, judging by those pants," Harry suggested with a sly grin.
"Why, Harry!"
"What's up, Harry?"
Her surprised look must have irritated him.
Her surprised expression probably annoyed him.
"Those damn Southerners!"
"Those darn Southerners!"
Sally Carrol's eyes flashed.
Sally Carrol's eyes sparkled.
"Don't call 'em that."
"Don't call them that."
"I'm sorry, dear," said Harry, malignantly apologetic, "but you know what I think of them. They're sort of—sort of degenerates—not at all like the old Southerners. They've lived so long down there with all the colored people that they've gotten lazy and shiftless."
"I'm sorry, dear," Harry said, with a touch of sarcasm, "but you know how I feel about them. They're kind of—kind of degenerates—not at all like the old Southerners. They've been down there with all the Black people for so long that they've become lazy and unreliable."
"Hush your mouth, Harry!" she cried angrily. "They're not! They may be lazy—anybody would be in that climate—but they're my best friends, an' I don't want to hear 'em criticised in any such sweepin' way. Some of 'em are the finest men in the world."
"Hush up, Harry!" she shouted angrily. "They aren't! They might be lazy—anyone would be in that weather—but they're my closest friends, and I don't want to hear them criticized in such a broad way. Some of them are the best guys in the world."
"Oh, I know. They're all right when they come North to college, but of all the hangdog, ill-dressed, slovenly lot I ever saw, a bunch of small-town Southerners are the worst!"
"Oh, I know. They're fine when they come North for college, but of all the downtrodden, poorly dressed, messy people I've ever seen, a group of small-town Southerners is the worst!"
Sally Carrol was clinching her gloved hands and biting her lip furiously.
Sally Carrol was clenching her gloved hands and biting her lip in frustration.
"Why," continued Harry, "if there was one in my class at New Haven, and we all thought that at last we'd found the true type of Southern aristocrat, but it turned out that he wasn't an aristocrat at all—just the son of a Northern carpetbagger, who owned about all the cotton round Mobile."
"Why," Harry went on, "if there was one in my class at New Haven, we all thought we had finally found the real deal of a Southern aristocrat, but it turned out he wasn't an aristocrat at all—just the son of a Northern carpetbagger who owned pretty much all the cotton around Mobile."
"A Southerner wouldn't talk the way you're talking now," she said evenly.
"A Southerner wouldn’t talk like you’re talking now," she said calmly.
"They haven't the energy!"
"They don't have the energy!"
"Or the somethin' else."
"Or something else."
"I'm sorry Sally Carrol, but I've heard you say yourself that you'd never marry——"
"I'm sorry Sally Carrol, but I remember you saying that you would never get married——"
"That's quite different. I told you I wouldn't want to tie my life to any of the boys that are round Tarleton now, but I never made any sweepin' generalities."
"That's really different. I told you I wouldn't want to tie my life to any of the guys around Tarleton right now, but I never made any sweeping generalizations."
They walked along in silence.
They walked silently.
"I probably spread it on a bit thick Sally Carrol. I'm sorry."
"I might have exaggerated a bit, Sally Carrol. I'm sorry."
She nodded but made no answer. Five minutes later as they stood in the hallway she suddenly threw her arms round him.
She nodded but didn’t say anything. Five minutes later, as they stood in the hallway, she suddenly wrapped her arms around him.
"Oh, Harry," she cried, her eyes brimming with tears; "let's get married next week. I'm afraid of having fusses like that. I'm afraid, Harry. It wouldn't be that way if we were married."
"Oh, Harry," she exclaimed, her eyes filled with tears; "let's get married next week. I'm scared of having drama like that. I'm scared, Harry. It wouldn’t be like that if we were married."
But Harry, being in the wrong, was still irritated.
But Harry, being in the wrong, was still annoyed.
"That'd be idiotic. We decided on March."
"That would be stupid. We agreed on March."
The tears in Sally Carrol's eyes faded; her expression hardened slightly.
The tears in Sally Carrol's eyes dried up; her expression became a bit more serious.
"Very well—I suppose I shouldn't have said that."
"Alright—I guess I shouldn't have said that."
Harry melted.
Harry was overwhelmed.
"Dear little nut!" he cried. "Come and kiss me and let's forget." That very night at the end of a vaudeville performance the orchestra played "Dixie" and Sally Carrol felt something stronger and more enduring than her tears and smiles of the day brim up inside her. She leaned forward gripping the arms of her chair until her face grew crimson.
"Hey, little nut!" he exclaimed. "Come over here and kiss me, and let’s forget everything." That night, after a vaudeville show, the orchestra played "Dixie," and Sally Carrol felt something deeper and more lasting than her tears and smiles from the day welling up inside her. She leaned forward, gripping the arms of her chair until her face turned bright red.
"Sort of get you dear?" whispered Harry.
"Kind of get you, dear?" whispered Harry.
But she did not hear him. To the limited throb of the violins and the inspiring beat of the kettle-drums her own old ghosts were marching by and on into the darkness, and as fifes whistled and sighed in the low encore they seemed so nearly out of sight that she could have waved good-by.
But she didn't hear him. To the faint throb of the violins and the uplifting beat of the kettle drums, her own old memories were marching by and into the darkness. As the fifes whistled and sighed in the quiet encore, they seemed so close to vanishing that she could have waved goodbye.
"Away, Away,
Away down South in Dixie!
Away, away,
Away down South in Dixie!"
Leave me alone,
Heading down South to Dixie!
Leave me alone, please.
"Heading down South in Dixie!"
V
It was a particularly cold night. A sudden thaw had nearly cleared the streets the day before, but now they were traversed again with a powdery wraith of loose snow that travelled in wavy lines before the feet of the wind, and filled the lower air with a fine-particled mist. There was no sky—only a dark, ominous tent that draped in the tops of the streets and was in reality a vast approaching army of snowflakes—while over it all, chilling away the comfort from the brown-and-green glow of lighted windows and muffling the steady trot of the horse pulling their sleigh, interminably washed the north wind. It was a dismal town after all, she though, dismal.
It was an especially cold night. A sudden thaw had almost cleared the streets the day before, but now they were covered again with a layer of powdery snow that moved in wavy lines ahead of the wind, filling the air with a fine mist. There was no sky—just a dark, foreboding blanket that hung over the streets, a vast army of snowflakes on the way—while the north wind swept through, chilling the warmth from the brown-and-green glow of lit windows and muffling the steady clip-clop of the horse pulling their sleigh. It was a gloomy town, she thought, gloomy.
Sometimes at night it had seemed to her as though no one lived here—they had all gone long ago—leaving lighted houses to be covered in time by tombing heaps of sleet. Oh, if there should be snow on her grave! To be beneath great piles of it all winter long, where even her headstone would be a light shadow against light shadows. Her grave—a grave that should be flower-strewn and washed with sun and rain.
Sometimes at night, it felt to her like no one lived here anymore—they had all left long ago—abandoning the lit houses to be eventually buried under thick layers of sleet. Oh, what if there were snow on her grave? To be under huge mounds of it all winter, where even her headstone would be a faint outline against soft shadows. Her grave—a grave that should be filled with flowers and bathed in sunshine and rain.
She thought again of those isolated country houses that her train had passed, and of the life there the long winter through—the ceaseless glare through the windows, the crust forming on the soft drifts of snow, finally the slow cheerless melting and the harsh spring of which Roger Patton had told her. Her spring—to lose it forever—with its lilacs and the lazy sweetness it stirred in her heart. She was laying away that spring—afterward she would lay away that sweetness.
She thought again about those lonely country houses that her train had passed, and about life there during the long winter—the relentless brightness through the windows, the crust forming on the soft snow drifts, and finally the slow, bleak melting and the harsh spring that Roger Patton had told her about. Her spring—to lose it forever—with its lilacs and the gentle sweetness it stirred in her heart. She was putting that spring away—later she would put away that sweetness.
With a gradual insistence the storm broke. Sally Carrol felt a film of flakes melt quickly on her eyelashes, and Harry reached over a furry arm and drew down her complicated flannel cap. Then the small flakes came in skirmish-line, and the horse bent his neck patiently as a transparency of white appeared momentarily on his coat.
With a steady persistence, the storm hit. Sally Carrol felt a layer of flakes quickly melt on her eyelashes, and Harry reached over with a furry arm and pulled down her complicated flannel cap. Then the small flakes fell in a skirmish-line, and the horse patiently bowed his neck as a thin layer of white briefly appeared on his coat.
"Oh, he's cold, Harry," she said quickly.
"Oh, he's cold, Harry," she said swiftly.
"Who? The horse? Oh, no, he isn't. He likes it!"
"Who? The horse? Oh, no, he doesn't. He likes it!"
After another ten minutes they turned a corner and came in sight of their destination. On a tall hill outlined in vivid glaring green against the wintry sky stood the ice palace. It was three stories in the air, with battlements and embrasures and narrow icicled windows, and the innumerable electric lights inside made a gorgeous transparency of the great central hall. Sally Carrol clutched Harry's hand under the fur robe.
After another ten minutes, they turned a corner and caught sight of their destination. On a tall hill, outlined in bright green against the winter sky, stood the ice palace. It rose three stories high, with battlements, embrasures, and narrow icicle-covered windows, and the countless electric lights inside created a stunning glow in the great central hall. Sally Carrol squeezed Harry's hand beneath the fur robe.
"It's beautiful!" he cried excitedly. "My golly, it's beautiful, isn't it! They haven't had one here since eighty-five!"
"It's beautiful!" he exclaimed excitedly. "Wow, it's stunning, isn't it! They haven't had one here since '85!"
Somehow the notion of there not having been one since eighty-five oppressed her. Ice was a ghost, and this mansion of it was surely peopled by those shades of the eighties, with pale faces and blurred snow-filled hair.
Somehow the idea that there hadn't been one since eighty-five weighed on her. Ice was a ghost, and this mansion of it was definitely filled with those shadows of the eighties, with pale faces and fuzzy, snow-filled hair.
"Come on, dear," said Harry.
"Come on, babe," said Harry.
She followed him out of the sleigh and waited while he hitched the horse. A party of four—Gordon, Myra, Roger Patton, and another girl—drew up beside them with a mighty jingle of bells. There were quite a crowd already, bundled in fur or sheepskin, shouting and calling to each other as they moved through the snow, which was now so thick that people could scarcely be distinguished a few yards away.
She got out of the sleigh and waited while he attached the horse. A group of four—Gordon, Myra, Roger Patton, and another girl—pulled up next to them with a loud jingle of bells. There was already quite a crowd, wrapped in fur or sheepskin, shouting and calling to each other as they walked through the snow, which was now so deep that people could barely be seen a few yards away.
"It's a hundred and seventy feet tall," Harry was saying to a muffled figure beside him as they trudged toward the entrance; "covers six thousand square yards."
"It's a hundred seventy feet tall," Harry was saying to a muffled figure next to him as they made their way to the entrance; "it covers six thousand square yards."
She caught snatches of conversation: "One main hall"—"walls twenty to forty inches thick"—"and the ice cave has almost a mile of—"—"this Canuck who built it——"
She caught bits of conversation: "One main hall"—"walls twenty to forty inches thick"—"and the ice cave has almost a mile of—"—"this Canadian who built it——"
They found their way inside, and dazed by the magic of the great crystal walls Sally Carrol found herself repeating over and over two lines from "Kubla Khan":
They made their way inside, and overwhelmed by the wonder of the huge crystal walls, Sally Carrol found herself repeating two lines from "Kubla Khan" over and over:
"It was a miracle of rare device,
A sunny pleasure-dome with caves of ice!"
"It was a unique and amazing creation,
A sunny paradise with frozen caves!
In the great glittering cavern with the dark shut out she took a seat on a wooded bench and the evening's oppression lifted. Harry was right—it was beautiful; and her gaze travelled the smooth surface of the walls, the blocks for which had been selected for their purity and dearness to obtain this opalescent, translucent effect.
In the shining cave where darkness was kept out, she sat on a wooden bench and felt the heaviness of the evening fade away. Harry was right—it was stunning; her eyes wandered over the smooth walls, made from carefully chosen blocks for their quality, creating this beautiful, translucent effect.
"Look! Here we go—oh, boy!" cried Harry.
"Look! Here we go—oh, man!" shouted Harry.
A band in a far corner struck up "Hail, Hail, the Gang's All Here!" which echoed over to them in wild muddled acoustics, and then the lights suddenly went out; silence seemed to flow down the icy sides and sweep over them. Sally Carrol could still see her white breath in the darkness, and a dim row of pale faces over on the other side.
A band in a distant corner started playing "Hail, Hail, the Gang's All Here!" which echoed to them in chaotic acoustics, and then the lights suddenly went out; silence washed down the cold walls and enveloped them. Sally Carrol could still see her white breath in the dark, along with a faint row of pale faces on the other side.
The music eased to a sighing complaint, and from outside drifted in the full-throated remnant chant of the marching clubs. It grew louder like some pæan of a viking tribe traversing an ancient wild; it swelled—they were coming nearer; then a row of torches appeared, and another and another, and keeping time with their moccasined feet a long column of gray-mackinawed figures swept in, snow-shoes slung at their shoulders, torches soaring and flickering as their voice rose along the great walls.
The music softened into a weary sigh, and from outside came the loud echoes of the marching groups. It grew louder like some song of a Viking tribe moving through a wild landscape; it swelled—they were getting closer; then a line of torches appeared, followed by more and more, and keeping pace with their moccasin-clad feet, a long line of figures in gray coats swept in, snowshoes over their shoulders, torches glowing and flickering as their voices rose along the tall walls.
The gray column ended and another followed, the light streaming luridly this time over red toboggan caps and flaming crimson mackinaws, and as they entered they took up the refrain; then came a long platoon of blue and white, of green, of white, of brown and yellow.
The gray column stopped and another one started, the light shining brightly this time over red sledding hats and bright red jackets, and as they walked in, they joined the chant; then came a long line of blue and white, green, white, brown, and yellow.
"Those white ones are the Wacouta Club," whispered Harry eagerly. "Those are the men you've met round at dances."
"Those white ones are the Wacouta Club," Harry whispered eagerly. "Those are the guys you've met at dances."
The volume of the voices grew; the great cavern was a phantasmagoria of torches waving in great banks of fire, of colors and the rhythm of soft-leather steps. The leading column turned and halted, platoon deploys in front of platoon until the whole procession made a solid flag of flame, and then from thousands of voices burst a mighty shout that filled the air like a crash of thunder, and sent the torches wavering. It was magnificent, it was tremendous! To Sally Carol it was the North offering sacrifice on some mighty altar to the gray pagan God of Snow. As the shout died the band struck up again and there came more singing, and then long reverberating cheers by each club. She sat very quiet listening while the staccato cries rent the stillness; and then she started, for there was a volley of explosion, and great clouds of smoke went up here and there through the cavern—the flash-light photographers at work—and the council was over. With the band at their head the clubs formed in column once more, took up their chant, and began to march out.
The volume of voices increased; the huge cavern became a vibrant display of torches flickering in massive flames, filled with colors and the rhythm of soft leather shoes. The leading group turned and stopped, platoons lined up in front of each other until the whole procession created a solid banner of fire, and then from thousands of voices erupted a powerful shout that filled the air like a thunderclap, making the torches flicker. It was magnificent, it was incredible! To Sally Carol, it felt like the North was making an offering on some grand altar to the gray pagan God of Snow. As the shout faded, the band started playing again, followed by more singing, and then long, resonating cheers from each club. She sat quietly, listening as the sharp cries broke the silence; then she jumped at the sound of a series of explosions, with huge clouds of smoke rising here and there throughout the cavern—the flash photographers at work—and the council was over. With the band leading, the clubs formed into a line once more, resumed their chant, and began to march out.
"Come on!" shouted Harry. "We want to see the labyrinths down-stairs before they turn the lights off!"
"Come on!" yelled Harry. "We want to see the labyrinths downstairs before they turn off the lights!"
They all rose and started toward the chute—Harry and Sally Carrol in the lead, her little mitten buried in his big fur gantlet. At the bottom of the chute was a long empty room of ice, with the ceiling so low that they had to stoop—and their hands were parted. Before she realized what he intended Harry had darted down one of the half-dozen glittering passages that opened into the room and was only a vague receding blot against the green shimmer.
They all got up and headed toward the slide—Harry and Sally Carrol at the front, her small mitten tucked into his big fur glove. At the bottom of the slide was a long, empty ice room, with a ceiling so low that they had to bend down—and their hands were separated. Before she understood what he was planning, Harry quickly dashed down one of the several sparkling paths that led into the room and became just a faint blur against the green glow.
"Harry!" she called.
"Harry!" she shouted.
"Come on!" he cried back.
"Come on!" he shouted back.
She looked round the empty chamber; the rest of the party had evidently decided to go home, were already outside somewhere in the blundering snow. She hesitated and then darted in after Harry.
She looked around the empty room; the rest of the party had clearly decided to head home and were already outside somewhere in the falling snow. She hesitated for a moment and then rushed in after Harry.
"Harry!" she shouted.
"Harry!" she yelled.
She had reached a turning-point thirty feet down; she heard a faint muffled answer far to the left, and with a touch of panic fled toward it. She passed another turning, two more yawning alleys.
She had hit a turning point thirty feet down; she heard a faint, muffled response far to the left, and with a hint of panic, she rushed toward it. She went past another turn and two more wide alleys.
"Harry!"
"Harry!"
No answer. She started to run straight forward, and then turned like lightning and sped back the way she had come, enveloped in a sudden icy terror.
No answer. She took off running straight ahead, then suddenly turned and raced back the way she came, wrapped in a sudden, chilling fear.
She reached a turn—was it here?—took the left and came to what should have been the outlet into the long, low room, but it was only another glittering passage with darkness at the end. She called again, but the walls gave back a flat, lifeless echo with no reverberations. Retracing her steps she turned another corner, this time following a wide passage. It was like the green lane between the parted water of the Red Sea, like a damp vault connecting empty tombs.
She reached a turn—was it here?—took the left and came to what should have been the entrance to the long, low room, but it was just another shiny corridor with darkness at the end. She called out again, but the walls returned a dull, lifeless echo with no sound bouncing back. Backtracking, she turned another corner, this time following a wide hallway. It was like the green path between the parted waters of the Red Sea, like a damp tunnel linking empty tombs.
She slipped a little now as she walked, for ice had formed on the bottom of her overshoes; she had to run her gloves along the half-slippery, half-sticky walls to keep her balance.
She slipped a bit now as she walked, since ice had formed on the bottom of her overshoes; she had to run her gloves along the half-slippery, half-sticky walls to maintain her balance.
"Harry!"
"Harry!"
Still no answer. The sound she made bounced mockingly down to the end of the passage.
Still no answer. The sound she made echoed mockingly down to the end of the hallway.
Then on an instant the lights went out, and she was in complete darkness. She gave a small, frightened cry, and sank down into a cold little heap on the ice. She felt her left knee do something as she fell, but she scarcely noticed it as some deep terror far greater than any fear of being lost settled upon her. She was alone with this presence that came out of the North, the dreary loneliness that rose from ice-bound whalers in the Arctic seas, from smokeless, trackless wastes where were strewn the whitened bones of adventure. It was an icy breath of death; it was rolling down low across the land to clutch at her.
Then suddenly the lights went out, and she was plunged into total darkness. She let out a quiet, scared cry and sank down into a cold little ball on the ice. She felt her left knee do something as she fell, but hardly registered it as a deep fear much stronger than the worry of being lost washed over her. She was alone with this presence that emerged from the North, the bleak loneliness that came from ice-bound whalers in the Arctic seas, from lifeless, uncharted expanses scattered with the bleached bones of adventure. It was a chilling breath of death; it was creeping low across the land to grasp at her.
With a furious, despairing energy she rose again and started blindly down the darkness. She must get out. She might be lost in here for days, freeze to death and lie embedded in the ice like corpses she had read of, kept perfectly preserved until the melting of a glacier. Harry probably thought she had left with the others—he had gone by now; no one would know until next day. She reached pitifully for the wall. Forty inches thick, they had said—forty inches thick!
With a furious, desperate energy, she got up again and started stumbling through the darkness. She needed to get out. She could be trapped in here for days, freeze to death, and end up stuck in the ice like the bodies she had read about, perfectly preserved until the glacier melted. Harry probably thought she had left with the others—he was gone by now; no one would find out until the next day. She reached weakly for the wall. Forty inches thick, they had said—forty inches thick!
On both sides of her along the walls she felt things creeping, damp souls that haunted this palace, this town, this North.
On both sides of her along the walls, she felt things creeping, damp souls that haunted this palace, this town, this North.
"Oh, send somebody—send somebody!" she cried aloud.
"Oh, send someone—send someone!" she shouted.
Clark Darrow—he would understand; or Joe Ewing; she couldn't be left here to wander forever—to be frozen, heart, body, and soul. This her—this Sally Carrol! Why, she was a happy thing. She was a happy little girl. She liked warmth and summer and Dixie. These things were foreign—foreign.
Clark Darrow—he would get it; or Joe Ewing; she couldn't be stuck here forever—frozen, heart, body, and soul. This was her—this was Sally Carrol! She was a joyful person. She was a happy little girl. She loved warmth, summer, and the South. These things felt so distant—so unfamiliar.
"You're not crying," something said aloud. "You'll never cry any more. Your tears would just freeze; all tears freeze up here!"
"You're not crying," someone said out loud. "You'll never cry again. Your tears would just freeze; all tears freeze up here!"
She sprawled full length on the ice.
She lay stretched out completely on the ice.
"Oh, God!" she faltered.
"Oh my God!" she faltered.
A long single file of minutes went by, and with a great weariness she felt her eyes dosing. Then some one seemed to sit down near her and take her face in warm, soft hands. She looked up gratefully.
A long stretch of time passed, and feeling very tired, she felt her eyes drooping. Then someone seemed to sit down next to her and gently hold her face in warm, soft hands. She looked up, feeling grateful.
"Why it's Margery Lee," she crooned softly to herself. "I knew you'd come." It really was Margery Lee, and she was just as Sally Carrol had known she would be, with a young, white brow, and wide welcoming eyes, and a hoop-skirt of some soft material that was quite comforting to rest on.
"Why, it's Margery Lee," she said to herself softly. "I knew you'd come." It really was Margery Lee, just as Sally Carroll had expected, with a youthful, pale brow, wide welcoming eyes, and a hoop skirt made of some soft material that felt nice to lean against.
"Margery Lee."
"Margery Lee."
It was getting darker now and darker—all those tombstones ought to be repainted sure enough, only that would spoil 'em, of course. Still, you ought to be able to see 'em.
It was getting darker and darker—all those tombstones really need a fresh coat of paint, but that would ruin them, of course. Still, you should be able to see them.
Then after a succession of moments that went fast and then slow, but seemed to be ultimately resolving themselves into a multitude of blurred rays converging toward a pale-yellow sun, she heard a great cracking noise break her new-found stillness.
Then, after a series of moments that felt fast and then slow, but ultimately seemed to merge into a bunch of blurred rays focusing on a pale-yellow sun, she heard a loud cracking sound shatter her newfound calm.
It was the sun, it was a light; a torch, and a torch beyond that, and another one, and voices; a face took flesh below the torch, heavy arms raised her and she felt something on her cheek—it felt wet. Some one had seized her and was rubbing her face with snow. How ridiculous—with snow!
It was the sun, it was a light; a torch, and another torch beyond that, and one more, and voices; a face appeared below the torch, heavy arms lifted her and she felt something on her cheek—it felt wet. Someone had grabbed her and was rubbing her face with snow. How ridiculous—with snow!
"Sally Carrol! Sally Carrol!"
"Sally Carroll! Sally Carroll!"
It was Dangerous Dan McGrew; and two other faces she didn't know. "Child, child! We've been looking for you two hours! Harry's half-crazy!"
It was Dangerous Dan McGrew, along with two other people she didn’t recognize. "Child, child! We’ve been searching for you for two hours! Harry's going half-crazy!"
Things came rushing back into place—the singing, the torches, the great shout of the marching clubs. She squirmed in Patton's arms and gave a long low cry.
Things came rushing back into focus—the singing, the torches, the loud cheers from the marching clubs. She squirmed in Patton's arms and let out a long, deep cry.
"Oh, I want to get out of here! I'm going back home. Take me home"——her voice rose to a scream that sent a chill to Harry's heart as he came racing down the next passage—"to-morrow!" she cried with delirious, unstrained passion—"To-morrow! To-morrow! To-morrow!"
"Oh, I just want to leave this place! I’m going back home. Take me home!" Her voice shot up to a scream that sent a chill to Harry's heart as he rushed down the next corridor—"Tomorrow!" she shouted with intense, unrestrained emotion—"Tomorrow! Tomorrow! Tomorrow!"
VI
The wealth of golden sunlight poured a quite enervating yet oddly comforting heat over the house where day long it faced the dusty stretch of road. Two birds were making a great to-do in a cool spot found among the branches of a tree next door, and down the street a colored woman was announcing herself melodiously as a purveyor of strawberries. It was April afternoon.
The bright golden sunlight flooded the house with a warm, energizing, yet strangely comforting heat as it faced the dusty road all day long. Two birds were causing a commotion in a cool spot among the branches of a nearby tree, and down the street, a Black woman was cheerfully announcing herself as a seller of strawberries. It was an afternoon in April.
Sally Carrol Happer, resting her chin on her arm, and her arm on an old window-seat, gazed sleepily down over the spangled dust whence the heat waves were rising for the first time this spring. She was watching a very ancient Ford turn a perilous corner and rattle and groan to a jolting stop at the end of the walk. See made no sound and in a minute a strident familiar whistle rent the air. Sally Carrol smiled and blinked.
Sally Carrol Happer, resting her chin on her arm and her arm on an old window seat, lazily gazed down at the sparkling dust as the heat waves began to rise for the first time this spring. She watched an old Ford awkwardly make a turn and come to a bumpy stop at the end of the path. She didn’t make a sound, and in a moment, a loud, familiar whistle broke the silence. Sally Carrol smiled and blinked.
"Good mawnin'."
"Good morning."
A head appeared tortuously from under the car-top below.
A head awkwardly popped up from underneath the car roof below.
"Tain't mawnin', Sally Carrol."
"It isn't morning, Sally Carrol."
"Sure enough!" she said in affected surprise. "I guess maybe not."
"Sure enough!" she said with feigned surprise. "I guess maybe not."
"What you doin'?"
"What are you doing?"
"Eatin' a green peach. 'Spect to die any minute."
"Eating a green peach. I expect to die any minute."
Clark twisted himself a last impossible notch to get a view of her face.
Clark contorted himself one last time to catch a glimpse of her face.
"Water's warm as a kettla steam, Sally Carol. Wanta go swimmin'?"
"Water's warm as a kettle steam, Sally Carol. Want to go swimming?"
"Hate to move," sighed Sally Carol lazily, "but I reckon so."
"Hate to move," sighed Sally Carol lazily, "but I guess so."
Head and Shoulders
In 1915 Horace Tarbox was thirteen years old. In that year he took the examinations for entrance to Princeton University and received the Grade A—excellent—in Cæsar, Cicero, Vergil, Xenophon, Homer, Algebra, Plane Geometry, Solid Geometry, and Chemistry.
In 1915, Horace Tarbox was thirteen years old. That year, he took the entrance exams for Princeton University and earned an A grade—excellent—in Cæsar, Cicero, Vergil, Xenophon, Homer, Algebra, Plane Geometry, Solid Geometry, and Chemistry.
Two years later while George M. Cohan was composing "Over There," Horace was leading the sophomore class by several lengths and digging out theses on "The Syllogism as an Obsolete Scholastic Form," and during the battle of Château-Thierry he was sitting at his desk deciding whether or not to wait until his seventeenth birthday before beginning his series of essays on "The Pragmatic Bias of the New Realists."
Two years later, while George M. Cohan was writing "Over There," Horace was far ahead of the sophomore class, working on his thesis titled "The Syllogism as an Obsolete Scholastic Form." Meanwhile, during the battle of Château-Thierry, he was at his desk contemplating whether to wait until his seventeenth birthday to start his series of essays on "The Pragmatic Bias of the New Realists."
After a while some newsboy told him that the war was over, and he was glad, because it meant that Peat Brothers, publishers, would get out their new edition of "Spinoza's Improvement of the Understanding." Wars were all very well in their way, made young men self-reliant or something but Horace felt that he could never forgive the President for allowing a brass band to play under his window the night of the false armistice, causing him to leave three important sentences out of his thesis on "German Idealism."
After a while, a newsboy told him that the war was over, and he was relieved because it meant that Peat Brothers, the publishers, would release their new edition of "Spinoza's Improvement of the Understanding." Wars had their purpose; they made young men more self-sufficient or something, but Horace felt he could never forgive the President for letting a brass band play outside his window the night of the fake armistice, which made him leave out three important sentences from his thesis on "German Idealism."
The next year he went up to Yale to take his degree as Master of Arts.
The following year, he went to Yale to earn his Master of Arts degree.
He was seventeen then, tall and slender, with near-sighted gray eyes and an air of keeping himself utterly detached from the mere words he let drop.
He was seventeen at that time, tall and thin, with near-sighted gray eyes and a vibe of being completely detached from the words he casually let slip.
"I never feel as though I'm talking to him," expostulated Professor Dillinger to a sympathetic colleague. "He makes me feel as though I were talking to his representative. I always expect him to say: 'Well, I'll ask myself and find out.'"
"I never feel like I'm actually talking to him," Professor Dillinger vented to a sympathetic colleague. "He makes me feel like I'm talking to his representative. I always expect him to say, 'Well, I'll check with myself and find out.'"
And then, just as nonchalantly as though Horace Tarbox had been Mr. Beef the butcher or Mr. Hat the haberdasher, life reached in, seized him, handled him, stretched him, and unrolled him like a piece of Irish lace on a Saturday-afternoon bargain-counter.
And then, just as casually as if Horace Tarbox were Mr. Beef the butcher or Mr. Hat the haberdasher, life jumped in, took hold of him, manipulated him, stretched him out, and laid him out like a piece of Irish lace on a Saturday afternoon sale rack.
To move in the literary fashion I should say that this was all because when way back in colonial days the hardy pioneers had come to a bald place in Connecticut and asked of each other, "Now, what shall we build here?" the hardiest one among 'em had answered: "Let's build a town where theatrical managers can try out musical comedies!" How afterward they founded Yale College there, to try the musical comedies on, is a story every one knows. At any rate one December, "Home James" opened at the Shubert, and all the students encored Marcia Meadow, who sang a song about the Blundering Blimp in the first act and did a shaky, shivery, celebrated dance in the last.
To put it in literary terms, this all started back in colonial days when the tough pioneers arrived at a bare spot in Connecticut and asked each other, "So, what should we build here?" The boldest among them replied, "Let's create a town where theater managers can test out musical comedies!" The story of how they later established Yale College there to try out those musical comedies is well-known. Anyway, one December, "Home James" premiered at the Shubert, and all the students cheered for Marcia Meadow, who performed a song about the Blundering Blimp in the first act and did a shaky, shivery, famous dance in the last act.
Marcia was nineteen. She didn't have wings, but audiences agreed generally that she didn't need them. She was a blonde by natural pigment, and she wore no paint on the streets at high noon. Outside of that she was no better than most women.
Marcia was nineteen. She didn't have wings, but most people agreed she didn't need them. She was a natural blonde and didn’t wear makeup on the streets at high noon. Other than that, she was just like many other women.
It was Charlie Moon who promised her five thousand Pall Malls if she would pay a call on Horace Tarbox, prodigy extraordinary. Charlie was a senior in Sheffield, and he and Horace were first cousins. They liked and pitied each other.
It was Charlie Moon who promised her five thousand Pall Malls if she would visit Horace Tarbox, an extraordinary prodigy. Charlie was a senior at Sheffield, and he and Horace were first cousins. They both liked and felt sorry for each other.
Horace had been particularly busy that night. The failure of the Frenchman Laurier to appreciate the significance of the new realists was preying on his mind. In fact, his only reaction to a low, clear-cut rap at his study was to make him speculate as to whether any rap would have actual existence without an ear there to hear it. He fancied he was verging more and more toward pragmatism. But at that moment, though he did not know it, he was verging with astounding rapidity toward something quite different.
Horace had been really busy that night. The fact that the Frenchman Laurier didn’t grasp the importance of the new realists was weighing on his mind. In fact, his only response to a sharp, clear knock at his study door was to wonder if any knock would even exist without someone there to hear it. He thought he was leaning more toward pragmatism. But at that moment, though he was unaware, he was quickly moving toward something entirely different.
The rap sounded—three seconds leaked by—the rap sounded.
The rap played—three seconds passed—The rap played.
"Come in," muttered Horace automatically.
"Come in," Horace said automatically.
He heard the door open and then close, but, bent over his book in the big armchair before the fire, he did not look up.
He heard the door open and then close, but, leaning over his book in the big armchair by the fire, he didn’t look up.
"Leave it on the bed in the other room," he said absently.
"Just leave it on the bed in the other room," he said absentmindedly.
"Leave what on the bed in the other room?"
"Leave what on the bed in the other room?"
Marcia Meadow had to talk her songs, but her speaking voice was like byplay on a harp.
Marcia Meadow had to speak her songs, but her speaking voice was like soft notes on a harp.
"The laundry."
"The wash."
"I can't."
"I can't."
Horace stirred impatiently in his chair.
Horace was restless in his chair.
"Why can't you?"
"What's stopping you?"
"Why, because I haven't got it."
"Why? Because I don't have it."
"Hm!" he replied testily. "Suppose you go back and get it."
"Hm!" he replied irritably. "Why don't you go back and get it?"
Across the fire from Horace was another easychair. He was accustomed to change to it in the course of an evening by way of exercise and variety. One chair he called Berkeley, the other he called Hume. He suddenly heard a sound as of a rustling, diaphanous form sinking into Hume. He glanced up.
Across the fire from Horace was another armchair. He liked to switch to it during the evening for a bit of exercise and some variety. He named one chair Berkeley and the other Hume. Suddenly, he heard a sound like a soft, flowing figure settling into Hume. He looked up.
"Well," said Marcia with the sweet smile she used in Act Two ("Oh, so the Duke liked my dancing!") "Well, Omar Khayyam, here I am beside you singing in the wilderness."
"Well," said Marcia with the sweet smile she used in Act Two ("Oh, so the Duke liked my dancing!") "Well, Omar Khayyam, here I am next to you singing in the wilderness."
Horace stared at her dazedly. The momentary suspicion came to him that she existed there only as a phantom of his imagination. Women didn't come into men's rooms and sink into men's Humes. Women brought laundry and took your seat in the street-car and married you later on when you were old enough to know fetters.
Horace stared at her in confusion. For a brief moment, he wondered if she was just a figment of his imagination. Women didn't just walk into men's rooms and settle into their lives. Women brought laundry, took your spot on the streetcar, and married you once you were old enough to understand the weight of commitment.
This woman had clearly materialized out of Hume. The very froth of her brown gauzy dress was art emanation from Hume's leather arm there! If he looked long enough he would see Hume right through her and then he would be alone again in the room. He passed his fist across his eyes. He really must take up those trapeze exercises again.
This woman clearly seemed to have come straight out of Hume's imagination. The lightness of her brown sheer dress was like an artistic creation from Hume's leather arm right there! If he stared long enough, he would see Hume behind her and then he would be alone in the room again. He rubbed his eyes with his fist. He really needed to start those trapeze exercises again.
"For Pete's sake, don't look so critical!" objected the emanation pleasantly. "I feel as if you were going to wish me away with that patent dome of yours. And then there wouldn't be anything left of me except my shadow in your eyes."
"For Pete's sake, don't look so judgmental!" the being said cheerfully. "I feel like you're about to wish me away with that fancy dome of yours. And then there wouldn't be anything left of me except my shadow in your eyes."
Horace coughed. Coughing was one of his two gestures. When he talked you forgot he had a body at all. It was like hearing a phonograph record by a singer who had been dead a long time.
Horace coughed. Coughing was one of his two gestures. When he spoke, you forgot he even had a body. It was like listening to an old phonograph of a singer who had been dead for a long time.
"What do you want?" he asked.
"What do you want?" he asked.
"I want them letters," whined Marcia melodramatically—"them letters of mine you bought from my grandsire in 1881."
"I want those letters," Marcia complained dramatically—"the ones you bought from my grandfather in 1881."
Horace considered.
Horace thought.
"I haven't got your letters," he said evenly. "I am only seventeen years old. My father was not born until March 3, 1879. You evidently have me confused with some one else."
"I haven't received your letters," he said calmly. "I'm only seventeen. My father wasn't born until March 3, 1879. You clearly have me mixed up with someone else."
"You're only seventeen?" repeated March suspiciously.
"You're only seventeen?" March asked, sounding skeptical.
"Only seventeen."
"Just seventeen."
"I knew a girl," said Marcia reminiscently, "who went on the ten-twenty-thirty when she was sixteen. She was so stuck on herself that she could never say 'sixteen' without putting the 'only' before it. We got to calling her 'Only Jessie.' And she's just where she was when she started—only worse. 'Only' is a bad habit, Omar—it sounds like an alibi."
"I knew a girl," Marcia said with a sigh, "who took the ten-twenty-thirty when she was sixteen. She was so into herself that she could never say 'sixteen' without adding 'only' in front of it. We ended up calling her 'Only Jessie.' And she's still in the same spot she was when she started—just worse. 'Only' is a bad habit, Omar—it sounds like an excuse."
"My name is not Omar."
"My name isn't Omar."
"I know," agreed Marcia, nodding—"your name's Horace. I just call you Omar because you remind me of a smoked cigarette."
"I know," Marcia said, nodding. "Your name's Horace. I just call you Omar because you remind me of a smoked cigarette."
"And I haven't your letters. I doubt if I've ever met your grandfather. In fact, I think it very improbable that you yourself were alive in 1881."
"And I don't have your letters. I doubt I've ever met your grandfather. Actually, I think it's very unlikely that you were even alive in 1881."
Marcia stared at him in wonder.
Marcia looked at him in amazement.
"Me—1881? Why sure! I was second-line stuff when the Florodora Sextette was still in the convent. I was the original nurse to Mrs. Sol Smith's Juliette. Why, Omar, I was a canteen singer during the War of 1812."
"Me—1881? For sure! I was backup when the Florodora Sextette was still in the convent. I was the original nurse for Mrs. Sol Smith's Juliette. Honestly, Omar, I was a canteen singer during the War of 1812."
Horace's mind made a sudden successful leap, and he grinned.
Horace suddenly had a brilliant idea and smiled.
"Did Charlie Moon put you up to this?"
"Did Charlie Moon ask you to do this?"
Marcia regarded him inscrutably.
Marcia looked at him blankly.
"Who's Charlie Moon?"
"Who is Charlie Moon?"
"Small—wide nostrils—big ears."
"Small, wide nostrils, big ears."
She grew several inches and sniffed.
She grew a few inches and sniffed.
"I'm not in the habit of noticing my friends' nostrils.
"I'm not usually in the habit of paying attention to my friends' nostrils."
"Then it was Charlie?"
"Was it Charlie then?"
Marcia bit her lip—and then yawned. "Oh, let's change the subject, Omar. I'll pull a snore in this chair in a minute."
Marcia bit her lip and then yawned. "Oh, let’s change the subject, Omar. I’ll be dozing off in this chair in a minute.”
"Yes," replied Horace gravely, "Hume has often been considered soporific——"
"Yes," replied Horace seriously, "Hume has often been seen as boring——"
"Who's your friend—and will he die?"
"Who’s your friend—and will he die?"
Then of a sudden Horace Tarbox rose slenderly and began to pace the room with his hands in his pockets. This was his other gesture.
Then suddenly, Horace Tarbox stood up, tall and lean, and started to walk around the room with his hands in his pockets. This was his other gesture.
"I don't care for this," he said as if he were talking to himself—"at all. Not that I mind your being here—I don't. You're quite a pretty little thing, but I don't like Charlie Moon's sending you up here. Am I a laboratory experiment on which the janitors as well as the chemists can make experiments? Is my intellectual development humorous in any way? Do I look like the pictures of the little Boston boy in the comic magazines? Has that callow ass, Moon, with his eternal tales about his week in Paris, any right to——"
"I don't care for this," he said as if he were talking to himself—"at all. Not that I mind you being here—I really don't. You're quite a cute little thing, but I don't like Charlie Moon sending you up here. Am I some kind of lab experiment for the janitors as well as the chemists to mess with? Is my intellectual development funny in any way? Do I look like the pictures of the little Boston boy in the comic magazines? Does that clueless idiot, Moon, with his endless stories about his week in Paris, have any right to——"
"No," interrupted Marcia emphatically. "And you're a sweet boy. Come here and kiss me."
"No," Marcia said firmly. "And you're a sweet guy. Come here and give me a kiss."
Horace stopped quickly in front of her.
Horace halted abruptly in front of her.
"Why do you want me to kiss you?" he asked intently, "Do you just go round kissing people?"
"Why do you want me to kiss you?" he asked seriously. "Do you just go around kissing people?"
"Why, yes," admitted Marcia, unruffled. "'At's all life is. Just going round kissing people."
"Sure," Marcia said, staying calm. "That's all life is. Just going around kissing people."
"Well," replied Horace emphatically, "I must say your ideas are horribly garbled! In the first place life isn't just that, and in the second place. I won't kiss you. It might get to be a habit and I can't get rid of habits. This year I've got in the habit of lolling in bed until seven-thirty——"
"Well," Horace replied firmly, "I have to say your ideas are really messed up! First of all, life isn’t just that, and second, I’m not going to kiss you. It might become a habit, and I can't shake habits. This year I've gotten into the habit of lounging in bed until seven-thirty——"
Marcia nodded understandingly.
Marcia nodded in understanding.
"Do you ever have any fun?" she asked.
"Do you ever have any fun?" she asked.
"What do you mean by fun?"
"What do you mean by fun?"
"See here," said Marcia sternly, "I like you, Omar, but I wish you'd talk as if you had a line on what you were saying. You sound as if you were gargling a lot of words in your mouth and lost a bet every time you spilled a few. I asked you if you ever had any fun."
"Listen up," Marcia said firmly, "I like you, Omar, but I wish you'd speak like you actually know what you're talking about. You sound like you’re just mumbling a bunch of words and losing a bet every time a few come out. I asked you if you’ve ever had any fun."
Horace shook his head.
Horace shook his head.
"Later, perhaps," he answered. "You see I'm a plan. I'm an experiment. I don't say that I don't get tired of it sometimes—I do. Yet—oh, I can't explain! But what you and Charlie Moon call fun wouldn't be fun to me."
"Maybe later," he replied. "You see, I'm a plan. I'm an experiment. I won't say I don't get tired of it sometimes—I do. But—oh, I can't explain! What you and Charlie Moon call fun wouldn't be fun for me."
"Please explain."
"Please elaborate."
Horace stared at her, started to speak and then, changing his mind, resumed his walk. After an unsuccessful attempt to determine whether or not he was looking at her Marcia smiled at him.
Horace stared at her, started to say something, and then changed his mind and continued walking. After trying unsuccessfully to figure out if he was looking at her, Marcia smiled at him.
"Please explain."
"Can you explain?"
Horace turned.
Horace turned around.
"If I do, will you promise to tell Charlie Moon that I wasn't in?"
"If I do, will you promise to let Charlie Moon know that I wasn't here?"
"Uh-uh."
"Nope."
"Very well, then. Here's my history: I was a 'why' child. I wanted to see the wheels go round. My father was a young economics professor at Princeton. He brought me up on the system of answering every question I asked him to the best of his ability. My response to that gave him the idea of making an experiment in precocity. To aid in the massacre I had ear trouble—seven operations between the age of nine and twelve. Of course this kept me apart from other boys and made me ripe for forcing. Anyway, while my generation was laboring through Uncle Remus I was honestly enjoying Catullus in the original.
"Alright, here’s my story: I was a curious kid. I wanted to understand how things worked. My dad was a young economics professor at Princeton. He raised me by answering every question I asked to the best of his ability. My reactions to his answers inspired him to experiment with my development. Additionally, I had problems with my ears—seven surgeries between the ages of nine and twelve. This kept me separate from other boys and made me an easy target for pressure. While my peers were struggling through Uncle Remus, I was genuinely enjoying Catullus in its original form."
"I passed off my college examinations when I was thirteen because I couldn't help it. My chief associates were professors, and I took a tremendous pride in knowing that I had a fine intelligence, for though I was unusually gifted I was not abnormal in other ways. When I was sixteen I got tired of being a freak; I decided that some one had made a bad mistake. Still as I'd gone that far I concluded to finish it up by taking my degree of Master of Arts. My chief interest in life is the study of modern philosophy. I am a realist of the School of Anton Laurier—with Bergsonian trimmings—and I'll be eighteen years old in two months. That's all."
"I passed my college exams when I was thirteen because I couldn't help it. My main companions were professors, and I took great pride in knowing that I was quite intelligent. Although I was unusually gifted, I was not abnormal in other ways. When I turned sixteen, I got tired of being seen as a freak; I figured someone had made a mistake. Still, since I had come that far, I decided to finish things off by getting my Master's degree. My primary interest in life is the study of modern philosophy. I'm a realist from the Anton Laurier school—with a bit of Bergson mixed in—and I'll be eighteen in two months. That's it."
"Whew!" exclaimed Marcia. "That's enough! You do a neat job with the parts of speech."
"Whew!" Marcia exclaimed. "That's enough! You do a great job with the parts of speech."
"Satisfied?"
"Are you satisfied?"
"No, you haven't kissed me."
"No, you haven't kissed me yet."
"It's not in my programme," demurred Horace. "Understand that I don't pretend to be above physical things. They have their place, but——"
"It's not in my plans," Horace replied, hesitating. "Just know that I don't act like I'm above physical things. They have their role, but——"
"Oh, don't be so darned reasonable!"
"Oh, don't be so incredibly reasonable!"
"I can't help it."
"I can't help myself."
"I hate these slot-machine people."
"I dislike these slot machine players."
"I assure you I——" began Horace.
"I promise you I——" started Horace.
"Oh shut up!"
"Ugh, just stop!"
"My own rationality——"
"My own reasoning——"
"I didn't say anything about your nationality. You're Amuricun, ar'n't you?"
"I didn't say anything about your nationality. You're American, right?"
"Yes."
"Yeah."
"Well, that's O.K. with me. I got a notion I want to see you do something that isn't in your highbrow programme. I want to see if a what-ch-call-em with Brazilian trimmings—that thing you said you were—can be a little human."
"Well, that's fine with me. I have an idea; I want to see you do something that isn't part of your fancy plan. I want to see if someone like you—with all those Brazilian influences—that thing you said you were—can be a bit more down-to-earth."
Horace shook his head again.
Horace shook his head once more.
"I won't kiss you."
"I'm not kissing you."
"My life is blighted," muttered Marcia tragically. "I'm a beaten woman. I'll go through life without ever having a kiss with Brazilian trimmings." She sighed. "Anyways, Omar, will you come and see my show?"
"My life is a mess," Marcia said sadly. "I'm a broken woman. I'll go through life without ever experiencing a real kiss." She sighed. "Anyway, Omar, will you come and see my show?"
"What show?"
"Which show?"
"I'm a wicked actress from 'Home James'!"
"I'm a great actress from 'Home James'!"
"Light opera?"
"Musical theater?"
"Yes—at a stretch. One of the characters is a Brazilian rice-planter. That might interest you."
"Yeah—sort of. One of the characters is a Brazilian rice farmer. That might catch your interest."
"I saw 'The Bohemian Girl' once," reflected Horace aloud. "I enjoyed it—to some extent——"
"I saw 'The Bohemian Girl' once," Horace said, thinking out loud. "I liked it—to a certain degree——"
"Then you'll come?"
"Are you coming then?"
"Well, I'm—I'm——"
"Well, I'm—I'm—"
"Oh, I know—you've got to run down to Brazil for the week-end."
"Oh, I know—you have to dash down to Brazil for the weekend."
"Not at all. I'd be delighted to come——"
"Not at all. I'd love to come——"
Marcia clapped her hands.
Marcia applauded.
"Goodyforyou! I'll mail you a ticket—Thursday night?"
"Good for you! I'll send you a ticket—Thursday night?"
"Why, I——"
"Why, I—"
"Good! Thursday night it is."
"Great! Thursday night it is."
She stood up and walking close to him laid both hands on his shoulders.
She stood up, walked close to him, and placed both hands on his shoulders.
"I like you, Omar. I'm sorry I tried to kid you. I thought you'd be sort of frozen, but you're a nice boy."
"I like you, Omar. I'm sorry I tried to mess with you. I thought you'd be kind of stuck, but you're a really nice guy."
He eyed her sardonically.
He looked at her sarcastically.
"I'm several thousand generations older than you are."
"I'm thousands of generations older than you."
"You carry your age well."
"You look great for your age."
They shook hands gravely.
They shook hands seriously.
"My name's Marcia Meadow," she said emphatically. "'Member it— Marcia Meadow. And I won't tell Charlie Moon you were in."
"My name's Marcia Meadow," she said firmly. "Remember it— Marcia Meadow. And I won't tell Charlie Moon you were here."
An instant later as she was skimming down the last flight of stairs three at a time she heard a voice call over the upper banister: "Oh, say——"
An instant later, as she rushed down the last flight of stairs three at a time, she heard a voice call from above the banister: "Oh, wait——"
She stopped and looked up—made out a vague form leaning over.
She stopped and looked up—saw a blurry figure leaning over.
"Oh, say!" called the prodigy again. "Can you hear me?"
"Oh, hey!" called the prodigy again. "Can you hear me?"
"Here's your connection Omar."
"Here's your connection, Omar."
"I hope I haven't given you the impression that I consider kissing intrinsically irrational."
"I hope I haven't made you think that I see kissing as totally unreasonable."
"Impression? Why, you didn't even give me the kiss! Never fret—so long."
"Impression? You didn't even give me a kiss! No worries—see you later."
Two doors near her opened curiously at the sound of a feminine voice. A tentative cough sounded from above. Gathering her skirts, Marcia dived wildly down the last flight, and was swallowed up in the murky Connecticut air outside.
Two doors nearby opened curiously at the sound of a woman's voice. A hesitant cough came from above. Collecting her skirts, Marcia plunged down the last flight of stairs and disappeared into the murky Connecticut air outside.
Up-stairs Horace paced the floor of his study. From time to time he glanced toward Berkeley waiting there in suave dark-red reputability, an open book lying suggestively on his cushions. And then he found that his circuit of the floor was bringing him each time nearer to Hume. There was something about Hume that was strangely and inexpressibly different. The diaphanous form still seemed hovering near, and had Horace sat there he would have felt as if he were sitting on a lady's lap. And though Horace couldn't have named the quality of difference, there was such a quality—quite intangible to the speculative mind, but real, nevertheless. Hume was radiating something that in all the two hundred years of his influence he had never radiated before.
Upstairs, Horace paced back and forth in his study. Occasionally, he glanced at Berkeley, who looked effortlessly respectable in dark red, an open book lying suggestively on his cushions. As he walked, he noticed that he was getting closer to Hume each time. There was something about Hume that felt strangely and indescribably different. The translucent form still seemed to hover nearby, and if Horace had sat there, it would have felt like sitting on a lady's lap. Although Horace couldn't pinpoint what made Hume different, there was definitely a quality—something intangible to the thoughtful mind, but real nonetheless. Hume was radiating something he had never radiated in all the two hundred years of his influence.
Hume was radiating attar of roses.
Hume was giving off the scent of rose oil.
II
On Thursday night Horace Tarbox sat in an aisle seat in the fifth row and witnessed "Home James." Oddly enough he found that he was enjoying himself. The cynical students near him were annoyed at his audible appreciation of time-honored jokes in the Hammerstein tradition. But Horace was waiting with anxiety for Marcia Meadow singing her song about a Jazz-bound Blundering Blimp. When she did appear, radiant under a floppity flower-faced hat, a warm glow settled over him, and when the song was over he did not join in the storm of applause. He felt somewhat numb.
On Thursday night, Horace Tarbox was sitting in an aisle seat in the fifth row, watching "Home James." Strangely, he found himself having a good time. The cynical students around him were annoyed by his loud enjoyment of classic jokes in the Hammerstein style. But Horace was anxiously waiting for Marcia Meadow to sing her song about a Jazz-bound Blundering Blimp. When she finally appeared, glowing under a floppy flower hat, he felt a warm happiness wash over him, and when the song ended, he didn’t join in the enthusiastic applause. He felt a bit numb.
In the intermission after the second act an usher materialized beside him, demanded to know if he were Mr. Tarbox, and then handed him a note written in a round adolescent band. Horace read it in some confusion, while the usher lingered with withering patience in the aisle.
During the break after the second act, an usher appeared next to him, asked if he was Mr. Tarbox, and then gave him a note written in a round, youthful handwriting. Horace read it, a bit confused, while the usher waited with exasperated patience in the aisle.
"Dear Omar: After the show I always grow an awful hunger. If you want to satisfy it for me in the Taft Grill just communicate your answer to the big-timber guide that brought this and oblige.
"Dear Omar: After the show, I always get really hungry. If you want to help me out and grab a bite at the Taft Grill, just let the big-timber guide who brought this know your answer. Thanks!"
Your friend,
Marcia Meadow."
Your friend,
Marcia Meadow.
"Tell her,"—he coughed—"tell her that it will be quite all right. I'll meet her in front of the theatre."
"Tell her,"—he coughed—"tell her that everything will be fine. I'll meet her in front of the theater."
The big-timber guide smiled arrogantly.
The lumber guide smiled arrogantly.
"I giss she meant for you to come roun' t' the stage door."
"I guess she meant for you to come around to the stage door."
"Where—where is it?"
"Where is it?"
"Ou'side. Tunayulef. Down ee alley."
"Outside. Turn left. Down the alley."
"What?"
"What’s up?"
"Ou'side. Turn to y' left! Down ee alley!"
"Outside. Turn to your left! Down the alley!"
The arrogant person withdrew. A freshman behind Horace snickered.
The arrogant person walked away. A freshman behind Horace chuckled.
Then half an hour later, sitting in the Taft Grill opposite the hair that was yellow by natural pigment, the prodigy was saying an odd thing.
Then half an hour later, sitting in the Taft Grill across from the naturally blonde hair, the prodigy said something strange.
"Do you have to do that dance in the last act?" he was asking earnestly—"I mean, would they dismiss you if you refused to do it?"
"Do you really have to do that dance in the last act?" he asked seriously. "I mean, would they let you go if you said no?"
Marcia grinned.
Marcia smiled.
"It's fun to do it. I like to do it."
"It's fun to do it. I enjoy doing it."
And then Horace came out with a faux pas.
And then Horace messed up.
"I should think you'd detest it," he remarked succinctly. "The people behind me were making remarks about your bosom."
"I'd imagine you found it awful," he said briefly. "The people behind me were making comments about your chest."
Marcia blushed fiery red.
Marcia blushed bright red.
"I can't help that," she said quickly. "The dance to me is only a sort of acrobatic stunt. Lord, it's hard enough to do! I rub liniment into my shoulders for an hour every night."
"I can't help that," she said quickly. "To me, the dance is just a kind of acrobatic stunt. Honestly, it's tough enough as it is! I rub liniment on my shoulders for an hour every night."
"Do you have—fun while you're on the stage?"
"Are you having fun while you're on stage?"
"Uh-huh—sure! I got in the habit of having people look at me, Omar, and I like it."
"Uh-huh—sure! I got used to having people look at me, Omar, and I enjoy it."
"Hm!" Horace sank into a brownish study.
"Hm!" Horace sank into a brownish reverie.
"How's the Brazilian trimmings?"
"How's the Brazilian food?"
"Hm!" repeated Horace, and then after a pause: "Where does the play go from here?"
"Hm!" Horace said again, and then after a moment: "What happens next in the play?"
"New York."
"NYC."
"For how long?"
"How long?"
"All depends. Winter—maybe."
"Depends. Winter—maybe."
"Oh!"
"Oh!"
"Coming up to lay eyes on me, Omar, or aren't you int'rested? Not as nice here, is it, as it was up in your room? I wish we was there now."
"Are you coming over to check me out, Omar, or are you not interested? It’s not as nice here as it was in your room, is it? I wish we were there right now."
"I feel idiotic in this place," confessed Horace, looking round him nervously.
"I feel stupid in this place," Horace admitted, glancing around nervously.
"Too bad! We got along pretty well."
"That's too bad! We were getting along really well."
At this he looked suddenly so melancholy that she changed her tone, and reaching over patted his hand.
At this, he suddenly looked so sad that she changed her tone and reached over to pat his hand.
"Ever take an actress out to supper before?"
"Have you ever taken an actress out to dinner?"
"No," said Horace miserably, "and I never will again. I don't know why I came to-night. Here under all these lights and with all these people laughing and chattering I feel completely out of my sphere. I don't know what to talk to you about."
"No," Horace said sadly, "and I never will again. I don’t know why I came tonight. Here, with all these lights and all these people laughing and chatting, I feel totally out of my element. I don’t know what to talk to you about."
"We'll talk about me. We talked about you last time."
"We'll talk about me. We discussed you last time."
"Very well."
"Sounds good."
"Well, my name really is Meadow, but my first name isn't Marcia— it's Veronica. I'm nineteen. Question—how did the girl make her leap to the footlights? Answer—she was born in Passaic, New Jersey, and up to a year ago she got the right to breathe by pushing Nabiscoes in Marcel's tea-room in Trenton. She started going with a guy named Robbins, a singer in the Trent House cabaret, and he got her to try a song and dance with him one evening. In a month we were filling the supper-room every night. Then we went to New York with meet-my-friend letters thick as a pile of napkins.
"Well, my name is actually Meadow, but my first name isn't Marcia—it's Veronica. I'm nineteen. Question—how did the girl make her way to the stage? Answer—she was born in Passaic, New Jersey, and until a year ago, she earned her living serving Nabisco cookies in Marcel's tea room in Trenton. She started dating a guy named Robbins, a singer at the Trent House cabaret, and one evening he encouraged her to try singing and dancing with him. Within a month, we were packing the supper room every night. Then we headed to New York with letters of introduction piled up like a stack of napkins."
"In two days we landed a job at Divinerries', and I learned to shimmy from a kid at the Palais Royal. We stayed at Divinerries' six months until one night Peter Boyce Wendell, the columnist, ate his milk-toast there. Next morning a poem about Marvellous Marcia came out in his newspaper, and within two days I had three vaudeville offers and a chance at the Midnight Frolic. I wrote Wendell a thank-you letter, and he printed it in his column—said that the style was like Carlyle's, only more rugged and that I ought to quit dancing and do North American literature. This got me a coupla more vaudeville offers and a chance as an ingénue in a regular show. I took it—and here I am, Omar."
"In two days, we got a job at Divinerries', and I picked up how to shimmy from a kid at the Palais Royal. We stayed at Divinerries' for six months until one night Peter Boyce Wendell, the columnist, had his milk-toast there. The next morning, a poem about Marvellous Marcia appeared in his newspaper, and within two days I received three vaudeville offers and a shot at the Midnight Frolic. I sent Wendell a thank-you letter, and he published it in his column—saying my style was like Carlyle's, just more rugged and that I should stop dancing and focus on North American literature. This led to a couple more vaudeville offers and a chance to be an ingénue in a regular show. I took it—and here I am, Omar."
When she finished they sat for a moment in silence she draping the last skeins of a Welsh rabbit on her fork and waiting for him to speak.
When she was done, they sat in silence for a moment, her twirling the last bits of Welsh rabbit on her fork and waiting for him to say something.
"Let's get out of here," he said suddenly.
"Let's leave this place," he said suddenly.
Marcia's eyes hardened.
Marcia's eyes became steely.
"What's the idea? Am I making you sick?"
"What's going on? Am I bothering you?"
"No, but I don't like it here. I don't like to be sitting here with you."
"No, but I don't like it here. I don't want to be sitting here with you."
Without another word Marcia signalled for the waiter.
Without saying anything more, Marcia signaled for the waiter.
"What's the check?" she demanded briskly "My part—the rabbit and the ginger ale."
"What's the check?" she asked sharply. "My share—the rabbit and the ginger ale."
Horace watched blankly as the waiter figured it.
Horace stared blankly as the waiter worked it out.
"See here," he began, "I intended to pay for yours too. You're my guest."
"Look," he said, "I meant to cover yours too. You’re my guest."
With a half-sigh Marcia rose from the table and walked from the room. Horace, his face a document in bewilderment, laid a bill down and followed her out, up the stairs and into the lobby. He overtook her in front of the elevator and they faced each other.
With a half-sigh, Marcia got up from the table and left the room. Horace, looking confused, placed a bill down and followed her out, up the stairs, and into the lobby. He caught up to her in front of the elevator, and they faced each other.
"See here," he repeated "You're my guest. Have I said something to offend you?"
"Look," he repeated, "You're my guest. Did I say something to upset you?"
After an instant of wonder Marcia's eyes softened.
After a moment of awe, Marcia's eyes softened.
"You're a rude fella!" she said slowly. "Don't you know you're rude?"
"You're a rude guy!" she said slowly. "Don't you realize you're rude?"
"I can't help it," said Horace with a directness she found quite disarming. "You know I like you."
"I can't help it," Horace said with a candor she found pretty disarming. "You know I like you."
"You said you didn't like being with me."
"You said you didn't enjoy spending time with me."
"I didn't like it."
"I didn't enjoy it."
"Why not?" Fire blazed suddenly from the gray forests of his eyes.
"Why not?" Fire suddenly blazed from the gray forests of his eyes.
"Because I didn't. I've formed the habit of liking you. I've been thinking of nothing much else for two days."
"Because I haven't. I've gotten into the habit of liking you. I haven't been thinking about much else for two days."
"Well, if you——"
"Well, if you—"
"Wait a minute," he interrupted. "I've got something to say. It's this: in six weeks I'll be eighteen years old. When I'm eighteen years old I'm coming up to New York to see you. Is there some place in New York where we can go and not have a lot of people in the room?"
"Hold on a second," he interrupted. "I have something to say. It's this: in six weeks, I’m turning eighteen. When I turn eighteen, I'm coming to New York to see you. Is there a place in New York where we can hang out without a lot of people around?"
"Sure!" smiled Marcia. "You can come up to my 'partment. Sleep on the couch if you want to."
"Sure!" smiled Marcia. "You can come up to my apartment. Sleep on the couch if you want to."
"I can't sleep on couches," he said shortly. "But I want to talk to you."
"I can't sleep on couches," he said briefly. "But I want to talk to you."
"Why, sure," repeated Marcia, "in my 'partment."
"Of course," Marcia repeated, "in my apartment."
In his excitement Horace put his hands in his pockets.
In his excitement, Horace slid his hands into his pockets.
"All right—just so I can see you alone. I want to talk to you as we talked up in my room."
"Okay—just so I can see you alone. I want to talk to you like we did in my room."
"Honey boy," cried Marcia, laughing, "is it that you want to kiss me?"
"Honey boy," laughed Marcia, "do you want to kiss me?"
"Yes," Horace almost shouted. "I'll kiss you if you want me to."
"Yeah," Horace almost shouted. "I'll kiss you if you want me to."
The elevator man was looking at them reproachfully. Marcia edged toward the grated door.
The elevator operator was looking at them with disappointment. Marcia inched closer to the grated door.
"I'll drop you a post-card," she said.
"I'll send you a postcard," she said.
Horace's eyes were quite wild.
Horace's eyes were pretty wild.
"Send me a post-card! I'll come up any time after January first. I'll be eighteen then."
"Send me a postcard! I'll come up anytime after January first. I'll be eighteen then."
And as she stepped into the elevator he coughed enigmatically, yet with a vague challenge, at the calling, and walked quickly away.
And as she got into the elevator, he coughed in a mysterious way, almost like a subtle challenge, and then hurried off.
III
He was there again. She saw him when she took her first glance at the restless Manhattan audience—down in the front row with his head bent a bit forward and his gray eyes fixed on her. And she knew that to him they were alone together in a world where the high-rouged row of ballet faces and the massed whines of the violins were as imperceivable as powder on a marble Venus. An instinctive defiance rose within her.
He was there again. She spotted him when she first glanced at the restless Manhattan audience—sitting in the front row with his head slightly forward and his gray eyes locked on her. And she realized that to him, they were alone in a world where the heavily made-up ballet faces and the collective wails of the violins were as unnoticed as dust on a marble statue. An instinctive defiance bubbled up inside her.
"Silly boy!" she said to herself hurriedly, and she didn't take her encore.
"Silly boy!" she said to herself quickly, and she didn't take her encore.
"What do they expect for a hundred a week—perpetual motion?" she grumbled to herself in the wings.
"What do they expect for a hundred a week—endless motion?" she muttered to herself in the wings.
"What's the trouble? Marcia?"
"What's the problem? Marcia?"
"Guy I don't like down in front."
"Hey, I don’t like that guy sitting in front."
During the last act as she waited for her specialty she had an odd attack of stage fright. She had never sent Horace the promised post-card. Last night she had pretended not to see him— had hurried from the theatre immediately after her dance to pass a sleepless night in her apartment, thinking—as she had so often in the last month—of his pale, rather intent face, his slim, boyish fore, the merciless, unworldly abstraction that made him charming to her.
During the last act, while she waited for her special moment, she suddenly felt a strange wave of stage fright. She had never sent Horace the promised postcard. Last night, she had pretended not to see him—rushing out of the theater right after her dance to spend a sleepless night in her apartment, thinking—as she had done so often in the past month—about his pale, focused face, his slim, boyish figure, and the intense, otherworldly vibe that made him so charming to her.
And now that he had come she felt vaguely sorry—as though an unwonted responsibility was being forced on her.
And now that he was here, she felt a strange sense of regret, as if an unexpected responsibility was being thrust upon her.
"Infant prodigy!" she said aloud.
"Child genius!" she said aloud.
"What?" demanded the negro comedian standing beside her.
"What?" demanded the Black comedian standing next to her.
"Nothing—just talking about myself."
"Nothing—just sharing about myself."
On the stage she felt better. This was her dance—and she always felt that the way she did it wasn't suggestive any more than to some men every pretty girl is suggestive. She made it a stunt.
On stage, she felt more at ease. This was her dance—and she always believed that the way she performed it wasn’t any more suggestive than how some men see every attractive girl as suggestive. She turned it into a showstopper.
"Uptown, downtown, jelly on a spoon,
After sundown shiver by the moon."
"Uptown, downtown, jelly on a spoon,"
"After the sun sets, feeling cold beneath the moon."
He was not watching her now. She saw that clearly. He was looking very deliberately at a castle on the back drop, wearing that expression he had worn in the Taft Grill. A wave of exasperation swept over her—he was criticising her.
He wasn’t paying attention to her now. She saw that clearly. He was intentionally staring at a castle in the background, wearing that same expression he had when they were at the Taft Grill. A wave of frustration washed over her—he was judging her.
"That's the vibration that thrills me,
Funny how affection fi-lls me
Uptown, downtown——"
"That's the energy that gets me excited,
It's funny how love affects me.
Uptown, downtown—
Unconquerable revulsion seized her. She was suddenly and horribly conscious of her audience as she had never been since her first appearance. Was that a leer on a pallid face in the front row, a droop of disgust on one young girl's mouth? These shoulders of hers—these shoulders shaking—were they hers? Were they real? Surely shoulders weren't made for this!
Uncontrollable disgust overwhelmed her. She suddenly and painfully became aware of her audience like never before since her first appearance. Was that a lewd grin on a pale face in the front row, a look of disgust on a young girl's face? Were those shoulders of hers—those shoulders shaking—actually hers? Were they real? Surely shoulders weren't meant for this!
"Then—you'll see at a glance
I'll need some funeral ushers with St. Vitus dance
At the end of the world I'll——"
"Then—you'll see immediately"
I’ll need some ushers for the funeral with St. Vitus dance.
At the end of the world, I’ll——
The bassoon and two cellos crashed into a final chord. She paused and poised a moment on her toes with every muscle tense, her young face looking out dully at the audience in what one young girl afterward called "such a curious, puzzled look," and then without bowing rushed from the stage. Into the dressing-room she sped, kicked out of one dress and into another, and caught a taxi outside.
The bassoon and two cellos hit a final chord. She stopped and balanced for a moment on her toes, every muscle tense, her young face staring blankly at the audience in what one young girl later described as "such a curious, puzzled look," and then, without bowing, rushed off the stage. She dashed into the dressing room, quickly changed from one dress to another, and grabbed a taxi outside.
Her apartment was very warm—small, it was, with a row of professional pictures and sets of Kipling and O. Henry which she had bought once from a blue-eyed agent and read occasionally. And there were several chairs which matched, but were none of them comfortable, and a pink-shaded lamp with blackbirds painted on it and an atmosphere of other stifled pink throughout. There were nice things in it—nice things unrelentingly hostile to each other, offspring of a vicarious, impatient taste acting in stray moments. The worst was typified by a great picture framed in oak bark of Passaic as seen from the Erie Railroad—altogether a frantic, oddly extravagant, oddly penurious attempt to make a cheerful room. Marcia knew it was a failure.
Her apartment was really warm—small, it was, with a row of professional photos and collections of Kipling and O. Henry that she had once bought from a blue-eyed agent and read occasionally. There were several chairs that matched, but none of them were comfortable, and a pink-shaded lamp painted with blackbirds and an overall stifling pink vibe. It had nice things—nice things that were constantly at odds with each other, the result of an impatient taste acting out in random moments. The worst was a large picture framed in oak bark of Passaic as seen from the Erie Railroad—an altogether frantic, strangely extravagant, yet oddly cheap attempt to create a cheerful room. Marcia knew it had failed.
Into this room came the prodigy and took her two hands awkwardly.
Into this room came the prodigy and took her hands in an awkward manner.
"I followed you this time," he said.
"I followed you this time," he said.
"Oh!"
"Oh!"
"I want you to marry me," he said.
"I want you to marry me," he said.
Her arms went out to him. She kissed his mouth with a sort of passionate wholesomeness.
Her arms extended towards him. She kissed him with a kind of passionate sincerity.
"There!"
"Done!"
"I love you," he said.
"I love you," he said.
She kissed him again and then with a little sigh flung herself into an armchair and half lay there, shaken with absurd laughter.
She kissed him again, then with a small sigh, threw herself into an armchair and reclined there, shaking with silly laughter.
"Why, you infant prodigy!" she cried.
"Why, you little genius!" she exclaimed.
"Very well, call me that if you want to. I once told you that I was ten thousand years older than you—I am."
"Alright, call me that if you want. I once told you I was ten thousand years older than you—and I am."
She laughed again.
She laughed again.
"I don't like to be disapproved of."
"I don't like being judged negatively."
"No one's ever going to disapprove of you again."
"No one is ever going to judge you again."
"Omar," she asked, "why do you want to marry me?"
"Omar," she asked, "why do you want to marry me?"
The prodigy rose and put his hands in his pockets.
The prodigy stood up and put his hands in his pockets.
"Because I love you, Marcia Meadow."
"Because I love you, Marcia Meadow."
And then she stopped calling him Omar.
And then she stopped calling him Omar.
"Dear boy," she said, "you know I sort of love you. There's something about you—I can't tell what—that just puts my heart through the wringer every time I'm round you. But honey—" She paused.
"Dear boy," she said, "you know I kind of love you. There's something about you—I can't quite figure out what it is—that just makes my heart race every time I'm around you. But honey—" She paused.
"But what?"
"But why?"
"But lots of things. But you're only just eighteen, and I'm nearly twenty."
"But there are so many things. But you're only eighteen, and I'm almost twenty."
"Nonsense!" he interrupted. "Put it this way—that I'm in my nineteenth year and you're nineteen. That makes us pretty close—without counting that other ten thousand years I mentioned."
"Nonsense!" he interrupted. "Think of it like this—I'm in my nineteenth year, and you're nineteen too. That makes us pretty close—not even counting that other ten thousand years I mentioned."
Marcia laughed.
Marcia chuckled.
"But there are some more 'buts.' Your people——
"But there are some more 'buts.' Your people——
"My people!" exclaimed the prodigy ferociously. "My people tried to make a monstrosity out of me." His face grew quite crimson at the enormity of what he was going to say. "My people can go way back and sit down!"
"My people!" the prodigy shouted fiercely. "My people tried to turn me into a monster." His face turned bright red at the weight of what he was about to say. "My people can just go back and sit down!"
"My heavens!" cried Marcia in alarm. "All that? On tacks, I suppose."
"My gosh!" exclaimed Marcia in shock. "All that? I guess it’s on tacks."
"Tacks—yes," he agreed wildly—"on anything. The more I think of how they allowed me to become a little dried-up mummy——"
"Tacks—yeah," he said excitedly—"on anything. The more I think about how they let me turn into a little dried-up mummy——"
"What makes you thank you're that?" asked Marcia quietly—"me?"
"What makes you think that's true?" Marcia asked quietly—"me?"
"Yes. Every person I've met on the streets since I met you has made me jealous because they knew what love was before I did. I used to call it the 'sex impulse.' Heavens!"
"Yes. Every person I've encountered on the streets since I met you has made me feel jealous because they understood what love was before I did. I used to refer to it as the 'sex drive.' Wow!"
"There's more 'buts,'" said Marcia
"There's more 'buts,'" Marcia said.
"What are they?"
"What are they talking about?"
"How could we live?"
"How can we live?"
"I'll make a living."
"I'll earn a living."
"You're in college."
"You're in university."
"Do you think I care anything about taking a Master of Arts degree?"
"Do you really think I care about getting a Master of Arts degree?"
"You want to be Master of Me, hey?"
"You want to be in control of me, huh?"
"Yes! What? I mean, no!"
"Yes! Wait, I mean no!"
Marcia laughed, and crossing swiftly over sat in his lap. He put his arm round her wildly and implanted the vestige of a kiss somewhere near her neck.
Marcia laughed and quickly crossed over to sit in his lap. He put his arm around her playfully and gave her a quick kiss somewhere near her neck.
"There's something white about you," mused Marcia "but it doesn't sound very logical."
"There's something white about you," Marcia said, "but that doesn't really make sense."
"Oh, don't be so darned reasonable!"
"Oh, don't be so silly!"
"I can't help it," said Marcia.
"I can't help it," Marcia said.
"I hate these slot-machine people!"
"I can't stand these slot people!"
"But we——"
"But we—"
"Oh, shut up!"
"Shut up!"
And as Marcia couldn't talk through her ears she had to.
And since Marcia couldn't hear, she had to find another way to communicate.
IV
Horace and Marcia were married early in February. The sensation in academic circles both at Yale and Princeton was tremendous. Horace Tarbox, who at fourteen had been played up in the Sunday magazines sections of metropolitan newspapers, was throwing over his career, his chance of being a world authority on American philosophy, by marrying a chorus girl—they made Marcia a chorus girl. But like all modern stories it was a four-and-a-half-day wonder.
Horace and Marcia got married in early February. The buzz in academic circles at both Yale and Princeton was huge. Horace Tarbox, who had been featured in the Sunday magazine sections of major city newspapers at just fourteen, was giving up his career and his chance to become a leading expert in American philosophy by marrying a chorus girl—they labeled Marcia a chorus girl. But like all modern stories, it became just a four-and-a-half-day sensation.
They took a flat in Harlem. After two weeks' search, during which his idea of the value of academic knowledge faded unmercifully, Horace took a position as clerk with a South American export company—some one had told him that exporting was the coming thing. Marcia was to stay in her show for a few months—anyway until he got on his feet. He was getting a hundred and twenty-five to start with, and though of course they told him it was only a question of months until he would be earning double that, Marcia refused even to consider giving up the hundred and fifty a week that she was getting at the time.
They rented an apartment in Harlem. After two weeks of searching, during which his perception of the value of academic knowledge faded significantly, Horace took a job as a clerk with a South American export company—someone had told him that exporting was the next big thing. Marcia was going to stay in her job for a few months—at least until he got established. He was starting at a salary of one hundred twenty-five dollars, and although they assured him it would only be a matter of months before he was making double that, Marcia flatly refused to even consider giving up the one hundred fifty dollars a week she was earning at the time.
"We'll call ourselves Head and Shoulders, dear," she said softly, "and the shoulders'll have to keep shaking a little longer until the old head gets started."
"We'll call ourselves Head and Shoulders, dear," she said gently, "and the shoulders will have to keep shaking a bit longer until the old head gets going."
"I hate it," he objected gloomily.
"I hate it," he said gloomily.
"Well," she replied emphatically, "Your salary wouldn't keep us in a tenement. Don't think I want to be public—I don't. I want to be yours. But I'd be a half-wit to sit in one room and count the sunflowers on the wall-paper while I waited for you. When you pull down three hundred a month I'll quit."
"Well," she said firmly, "Your salary wouldn't even cover rent for a small apartment. Don’t think I want to be single—I don’t. I want to be with you. But I’d be a fool to sit in one room counting the sunflowers on the wallpaper while I wait for you. When you make three hundred a month, I’ll quit."
And much as it hurt his pride, Horace had to admit that hers was the wiser course.
And as much as it hurt his pride, Horace had to admit that hers was the smarter choice.
March mellowed into April. May read a gorgeous riot act to the parks and waters of Manhatten, and they were very happy. Horace, who had no habits whatsoever—he had never had time to form any—proved the most adaptable of husbands, and as Marcia entirely lacked opinions on the subjects that engrossed him there were very few jottings and bumping. Their minds moved in different spheres. Marcia acted as practical factotum, and Horace lived either in his old world of abstract ideas or in a sort of triumphantly earthy worship and adoration of his wife. She was a continual source of astonishment to him—the freshness and originality of her mind, her dynamic, clear-headed energy, and her unfailing good humor.
March eased into April. May brought a vibrant energy to the parks and waters of Manhattan, and they thrived. Horace, who had no routines whatsoever—he had never had time to establish any—turned out to be the most flexible of husbands, and since Marcia had no strong opinions on the topics that fascinated him, there were rarely any disagreements or misunderstandings. Their minds operated in different realms. Marcia took on the role of practical helper, while Horace spent his time either in his old world of abstract ideas or in a kind of joyful earthy admiration for his wife. She constantly amazed him with the freshness and originality of her thinking, her dynamic, clear-headed energy, and her unwavering good humor.
And Marcia's co-workers in the nine-o'clock show, whither she had transferred her talents, were impressed with her tremendous pride in her husband's mental powers. Horace they knew only as a very slim, tight-lipped, and immature-looking young man, who waited every night to take her home.
And Marcia's co-workers on the nine o'clock show, where she had moved her talents, were impressed by her great pride in her husband's intelligence. They only knew Horace as a very slender, reserved, and somewhat immature young man who waited every night to take her home.
"Horace," said Marcia one evening when she met him as usual at eleven, "you looked like a ghost standing there against the street lights. You losing weight?"
"Horace," Marcia said one evening when she ran into him as usual at eleven, "you looked like a ghost standing there against the streetlights. Are you losing weight?"
He shook his head vaguely.
He shook his head dismissively.
"I don't know. They raised me to a hundred and thirty-five dollars to-day, and——"
"I don't know. They raised me to a hundred and thirty-five dollars today, and——"
"I don't care," said Marcia severely. "You're killing yourself working at night. You read those big books on economy——"
"I don't care," Marcia said firmly. "You're harming yourself by working at night. You read those huge books on economics——"
"Economics," corrected Horace.
"Economics," Horace corrected.
"Well, you read 'em every night long after I'm asleep. And you're getting all stooped over like you were before we were married."
"Well, you read them every night long after I’m asleep. And you’re starting to hunch over like you did before we got married."
"But, Marcia, I've got to——"
"But, Marcia, I have to——"
"No, you haven't dear. I guess I'm running this shop for the present, and I won't let my fella ruin his health and eyes. You got to get some exercise."
"No, you haven't, dear. I guess I'm in charge of this shop for now, and I won’t let my guy ruin his health and eyesight. You need to get some exercise."
"I do. Every morning I——"
"I do. Every morning I—"
"Oh, I know! But those dumb-bells of yours wouldn't give a consumptive two degrees of fever. I mean real exercise. You've got to join a gymnasium. 'Member you told me you were such a trick gymnast once that they tried to get you out for the team in college and they couldn't because you had a standing date with Herb Spencer?"
"Oh, I get it! But those dumbbells of yours wouldn’t even raise a sick person’s temperature by two degrees. I’m talking about real exercise. You need to join a gym. Remember you told me you were such a talented gymnast back then that they tried to recruit you for the college team, but they couldn’t because you had a regular date with Herb Spencer?"
"I used to enjoy it," mused Horace, "but it would take up too much time now."
"I used to enjoy it," Horace reflected, "but it would take up too much time now."
"All right," said Marcia. "I'll make a bargain with you. You join a gym and I'll read one of those books from the brown row of 'em."
"Okay," Marcia said. "Here's the deal: you join a gym, and I'll read one of those books from the brown shelf."
"'Pepys' Diary'? Why, that ought to be enjoyable. He's very light."
"'Pepys' Diary'? That should be fun. It's pretty easygoing."
"Not for me—he isn't. It'll be like digesting plate glass. But you been telling me how much it'd broaden my lookout. Well, you go to a gym three nights a week and I'll take one big dose of Sammy."
"Not for me—he's not. It'll be like swallowing shards of glass. But you’ve been saying how much it would expand my perspective. Well, you hit the gym three nights a week, and I’ll take one huge dose of Sammy."
Horace hesitated.
Horace paused.
"Well——"
"Okay—"
"Come on, now! You do some giant swings for me and I'll chase some culture for you."
"Come on! You do some big swings for me and I’ll go after some culture for you."
So Horace finally consented, and all through a baking summer he spent three and sometimes four evenings a week experimenting on the trapeze in Skipper's Gymnasium. And in August he admitted to Marcia that it made him capable of more mental work during the day.
So Horace finally agreed, and throughout a hot summer, he spent three and sometimes four evenings a week practicing on the trapeze at Skipper's Gym. In August, he told Marcia that it helped him do more mental work during the day.
"Mens sana in corpore sano," he said.
"A healthy mind in a healthy body," he said.
"Don't believe in it," replied Marcia. "I tried one of those patent medicines once and they're all bunk. You stick to gymnastics."
"Don't trust it," Marcia said. "I tried one of those over-the-counter medicines once, and they're all useless. Just focus on gymnastics."
One night in early September while he was going through one of his contortions on the rings in the nearly deserted room he was addressed by a meditative fat man whom he had noticed watching him for several nights.
One night in early September, while he was twisting and turning on the rings in the almost empty room, a thoughtful overweight man spoke to him. He had seen this man watching him for several nights.
"Say, lad, do that stunt you were doin' last night."
"Hey, kid, do that trick you were doing last night."
Horace grinned at him from his perch.
Horace smiled down at him from his spot.
"I invented it," he said. "I got the idea from the fourth proposition of Euclid."
"I came up with it," he said. "I got the idea from the fourth proposition of Euclid."
"What circus he with?"
"What circus is he with?"
"He's dead."
"He's gone."
"Well, he must of broke his neck doin' that stunt. I set here last night thinkin' sure you was goin' to break yours."
"Well, he must have broken his neck doing that stunt. I sat here last night thinking for sure you were going to break yours."
"Like this!" said Horace, and swinging onto the trapeze he did his stunt.
"Like this!" Horace said, and swinging onto the trapeze, he performed his trick.
"Don't it kill your neck an' shoulder muscles?"
"Doesn't it hurt your neck and shoulder muscles?"
"It did at first, but inside of a week I wrote the Quod erat demonstrandum on it."
"It did at first, but within a week I wrote the Quod erat demonstrandum on it."
"Hm!"
"Hmm!"
Horace swung idly on the trapeze.
Horace swung lazily on the trapeze.
"Ever think of takin' it up professionally?" asked the fat man.
"Have you ever thought about doing it professionally?" asked the heavyset man.
"Not I."
"Nope."
"Good money in it if you're willin' to do stunts like 'at an' can get away with it."
"There's good money in it if you're willing to do stunts like that and can get away with it."
"Here's another," chirped Horace eagerly, and the fat man's mouth dropped suddenly agape as he watched this pink-jerseyed Prometheus again defy the gods and Isaac Newton.
"Here's another," Horace said excitedly, and the fat man's mouth fell open in shock as he watched this pink-jerseyed Prometheus once again challenge the gods and Isaac Newton.
The night following this encounter Horace got home from work to find a rather pale Marcia stretched out on the sofa waiting for him.
The night after this meeting, Horace came home from work to find a rather pale Marcia lying on the sofa, waiting for him.
"I fainted twice to-day," she began without preliminaries.
"I passed out twice today," she started without any introductions.
"What?"
"What is it?"
"Yep. You see baby's due in four months now. Doctor says I ought to have quit dancing two weeks ago."
"Yep. You see, the baby is due in four months now. The doctor says I should have stopped dancing two weeks ago."
Horace sat down and thought it over.
Horace sat down and reflected on it.
"I'm glad of course," he said pensively—"I mean glad that we're going to have a baby. But this means a lot of expense."
"I'm happy, of course," he said thoughtfully—"I mean happy that we're going to have a baby. But this means a lot of expenses."
"I've got two hundred and fifty in the bank," said Marcia hopefully, "and two weeks' pay coming."
"I have two hundred fifty in the bank," Marcia said hopefully, "and I’ll get two weeks' pay soon."
Horace computed quickly.
Horace calculated quickly.
"Inducing my salary, that'll give us nearly fourteen hundred for the next six months."
"Adding my salary, that’ll give us almost fourteen hundred for the next six months."
Marcia looked blue.
Marcia looked sad.
"That all? Course I can get a job singing somewhere this month. And I can go to work again in March."
"Is that all? Of course I can get a job singing somewhere this month. And I can start working again in March."
"Of course nothing!" said Horace gruffly. "You'll stay right here. Let's see now—there'll be doctor's bills and a nurse, besides the maid: We've got to have some more money."
"Of course not!" Horace said gruffly. "You're staying right here. Now, let's see—there'll be doctor's bills and a nurse, plus the maid: We need to get some more money."
"Well," said Marcia wearily, "I don't know where it's coming from. It's up to the old head now. Shoulders is out of business."
"Well," Marcia said tiredly, "I have no idea where it's coming from. It's up to the old head now. Shoulders is done."
Horace rose and pulled on his coat.
Horace got up and put on his coat.
"Where are you going?"
"Where are you headed?"
"I've got an idea," he answered. "I'll be right back."
"I have an idea," he replied. "I'll be back in a minute."
Ten minutes later as he headed down the street toward Skipper's Gymnasium he felt a placid wonder, quite unmixed with humor, at what he was going to do. How he would have gaped at himself a year before! How every one would have gaped! But when you opened your door at the rap of life you let in many things.
Ten minutes later, as he walked down the street toward Skipper's Gym, he felt a calm amazement, completely devoid of humor, about what he was about to do. He would have stared at himself a year ago! Everyone would have stared! But when you open your door to life’s knocks, you let in a lot of things.
The gymnasium was brightly lit, and when his eyes became accustomed to the glare he found the meditative fat man seated on a pile of canvas mats smoking a big cigar.
The gym was brightly lit, and once his eyes adjusted to the brightness, he saw the meditative overweight man sitting on a stack of canvas mats, smoking a large cigar.
"Say," began Horace directly, "were you in earnest last night when you said I could make money on my trapeze stunts?"
"Hey," Horace said straightforwardly, "were you serious last night when you said I could make money from my trapeze tricks?"
"Why, yes," said the fat man in surprise.
"Sure," said the big guy, surprised.
"Well, I've been thinking it over, and I believe I'd like to try it. I could work at night and on Saturday afternoons—and regularly if the pay is high enough."
"Well, I've been considering it, and I think I'd like to give it a shot. I could work nights and on Saturday afternoons—and regularly if the pay is good enough."
The fat men looked at his watch.
The overweight men looked at his watch.
"Well," he said, "Charlie Paulson's the man to see. He'll book you inside of four days, once he sees you work out. He won't be in now, but I'll get hold of him for to-morrow night."
"Well," he said, "Charlie Paulson's the guy to talk to. He'll get you booked in under four days after he watches you work out. He’s not here right now, but I’ll reach out to him for tomorrow night."
The fat man was as good as his word. Charlie Paulson arrived next night and put in a wondrous hour watching the prodigy swap through the air in amazing parabolas, and on the night following he brought two age men with him who looked as though they had been born smoking black cigars and talking about money in low, passionate voices. Then on the succeeding Saturday Horace Tarbox's torso made its first professional appearance in a gymnastic exhibition at the Coleman Street Gardens. But though the audience numbered nearly five thousand people, Horace felt no nervousness. From his childhood he had read papers to audiences—learned that trick of detaching himself.
The heavyset man kept his promise. Charlie Paulson showed up the next night and spent an incredible hour watching the prodigy soar through the air in breathtaking arcs. The following night, he brought two older men with him who seemed like they had been smoking black cigars and discussing money in low, intense voices since birth. Then, on the next Saturday, Horace Tarbox made his professional debut in a gymnastics show at the Coleman Street Gardens. Despite the audience being nearly five thousand strong, Horace felt completely at ease. Since childhood, he had read to audiences—mastered the ability to separate himself from the moment.
"Marcia," he said cheerfully later that same night, "I think we're out of the woods. Paulson thinks he can get me an opening at the Hippodrome, and that means an all-winter engagement. The Hippodrome you know, is a big——"
"Marcia," he said cheerfully later that same night, "I think we're in the clear. Paulson believes he can secure an opportunity for me at the Hippodrome, which means a full winter engagement. The Hippodrome, as you know, is a big——"
"Yes, I believe I've heard of it," interrupted Marcia, "but I want to know about this stunt you're doing. It isn't any spectacular suicide, is it?"
"Yeah, I think I’ve heard of it," Marcia interrupted, "but I want to know about this stunt you’re pulling. It’s not some crazy suicide, is it?"
"It's nothing," said Horace quietly. "But if you can think of an nicer way of a man killing himself than taking a risk for you, why that's the way I want to die."
"It's nothing," Horace said softly. "But if you can think of a nicer way for a man to end his life than taking a risk for you, then that's how I want to go."
Marcia reached up and wound both arms tightly round his neck.
Marcia wrapped both her arms tightly around his neck.
"Kiss me," she whispered, "and call me 'dear heart.' I love to hear you say 'dear heart.' And bring me a book to read to-morrow. No more Sam Pepys, but something trick and trashy. I've been wild for something to do all day. I felt like writing letters, but I didn't have anybody to write to."
"Kiss me," she whispered, "and call me 'dear heart.' I love hearing you say 'dear heart.' And bring me a book to read tomorrow. No more Sam Pepys, but something fun and light. I've been eager for something to do all day. I felt like writing letters, but I didn’t have anyone to write to."
"Write to me," said Horace. "I'll read them."
"Message me," Horace said. "I'll read them."
"I wish I could," breathed Marcia. "If I knew words enough I could write you the longest love-letter in the world—and never get tired."
"I wish I could," Marcia sighed. "If I had enough words, I could write you the longest love letter ever—and I wouldn’t even get bored."
But after two more months Marcia grew very tired indeed, and for a row of nights it was a very anxious, weary-looking young athlete who walked out before the Hippodrome crowd. Then there were two days when his place was taken by a young man who wore pale blue instead of white, and got very little applause. But after the two days Horace appeared again, and those who sat close to the stage remarked an expression of beatific happiness on that young acrobat's face even when he was twisting breathlessly in the air an the middle of his amazing and original shoulder swing. After that performance he laughed at the elevator man and dashed up the stairs to the flat five steps at a time—and then tiptoed very carefully into a quiet room.
But after two more months, Marcia became really tired, and for several nights, it was a very anxious, worn-out young athlete who walked out in front of the Hippodrome crowd. Then there were two days when a young man dressed in pale blue instead of white took his place, and he received very little applause. But after those two days, Horace returned, and those who were sitting close to the stage noticed a look of blissful happiness on that young acrobat's face, even while he was breathlessly twisting in the air during his incredible and original shoulder swing. After that performance, he laughed at the elevator man and raced up the stairs to the flat five steps at a time—and then carefully tiptoed into a quiet room.
"Marcia," he whispered.
"Marcia," he whispered.
"Hello!" She smiled up at him wanly. "Horace, there's something I want you to do. Look in my top bureau drawer and you'll find a big stack of paper. It's a book—sort of—Horace. I wrote it down in these last three months while I've been laid up. I wish you'd take it to that Peter Boyce Wendell who put my letter in his paper. He could tell you whether it'd be a good book. I wrote it just the way I talk, just the way I wrote that letter to him. It's just a story about a lot of things that happened to me. Will you take it to him, Horace?"
"Hi!" She smiled at him weakly. "Horace, there's something I need you to do. Check the top drawer of my dresser and you'll find a big stack of paper. It's kind of a book, Horace. I wrote it down over the last three months while I've been stuck here. I wish you would take it to that Peter Boyce Wendell who published my letter in his paper. He could let you know if it's a good book. I wrote it just like I talk, just like I wrote that letter to him. It's just a story about a lot of things that happened to me. Will you take it to him, Horace?"
"Yes, darling."
"Yeah, babe."
He leaned over the bed until his head was beside her on the pillow, and began stroking back her yellow hair.
He leaned over the bed until his head was next to hers on the pillow and started brushing her blonde hair back.
"Dearest Marcia," he said softly.
"Hey Marcia," he said softly.
"No," she murmured, "call me what I told you to call me."
"No," she whispered, "call me what I asked you to call me."
"Dear heart," he whispered passionately—"dearest heart."
"Dear heart," he whispered with passion—"my dearest heart."
"What'll we call her?"
"What should we name her?"
They rested a minute in happy, drowsy content, while Horace considered.
They relaxed for a moment in happy, drowsy satisfaction as Horace thought things over.
"We'll call her Marcia Hume Tarbox," he said at length.
"We'll call her Marcia Hume Tarbox," he finally said.
"Why the Hume?"
"What's up with the Hume?"
"Because he's the fellow who first introduced us."
"Because he's the person who first introduced us."
"That so?" she murmured, sleepily surprised. "I thought his name was Moon."
"Really?" she said, pleasantly surprised and a bit sleepy. "I thought his name was Moon."
Her eyes dosed, and after a moment the slow lengthening surge of the bedclothes over her breast showed that she was asleep.
Her eyes closed, and after a moment, the slow rising of the blanket over her chest indicated that she was asleep.
Horace tiptoed over to the bureau and opening the top drawer found a heap of closely scrawled, lead-smeared pages. He looked at the first sheet:
Horace quietly walked over to the dresser and opened the top drawer, discovering a pile of tightly written, lead-smeared pages. He glanced at the first sheet:
SANDRA PEPYS, SYNCOPATED BY Marcia Tarbox
SANDRA PEPYS, SYNCOPATED By Marcia Tarbox
He smiled. So Samuel Pepys had made an impression on her after all. He turned a page and began to read. His smile deepened—he read on. Half an hour passed and he became aware that Marcia had waked and was watching him from the bed.
He smiled. So Samuel Pepys had made an impression on her after all. He turned a page and started reading. His smile grew wider—he continued reading. Half an hour went by, and he noticed that Marcia had woken up and was watching him from the bed.
"Honey," came in a whisper.
"Honey," came as a whisper.
"What Marcia?"
"What’s up, Marcia?"
"Do you like it?"
"Do you like this?"
Horace coughed.
Horace had a cough.
"I seem to be reading on. It's bright."
"I just keep reading. It's so bright."
"Take it to Peter Boyce Wendell. Tell him you got the highest marks in Princeton once and that you ought to know when a book's good. Tell him this one's a world beater."
"Bring it to Peter Boyce Wendell. Tell him you scored the highest marks in Princeton once and that you know a good book when you see one. Let him know this one is amazing."
"All right, Marcia," Horace said gently.
"Alright, Marcia," Horace said softly.
Her eyes closed again and Horace crossing over kissed her forehead—stood there for a moment with a look of tender pity. Then he left the room.
Her eyes shut again, and Horace leaned over to kiss her forehead—he stood there for a moment with a look of gentle pity. Then he left the room.
All that night the sprawly writing on the pages, the constant mistakes in spelling and grammar, and the weird punctuation danced before his eyes. He woke several times in the night, each time full of a welling chaotic sympathy for this desire of Marcia's soul to express itself in words. To him there was something infinitely pathetic about it, and for the first time in months he began to turn over in his mind his own half-forgotten dreams.
All night long, the messy handwriting on the pages, the endless spelling and grammar mistakes, and the strange punctuation blurred before his eyes. He woke up several times, each time overwhelmed with a chaotic compassion for Marcia's desire to express herself through words. To him, there was something deeply sad about it, and for the first time in months, he began to reconsider his own half-forgotten dreams.
He had meant to write a series of books, to popularize the new realism as Schopenhauer had popularized pessimism and William James pragmatism.
He had planned to write a series of books to make the new realism popular, similar to how Schopenhauer made pessimism popular and William James did with pragmatism.
But life hadn't come that way. Life took hold of people and forced them into flying rings. He laughed to think of that rap at his door, the diaphanous shadow in Hume, Marcia's threatened kiss.
But life hadn't turned out that way. Life grabbed people and pushed them into impossible situations. He chuckled at the thought of that knock on his door, the fleeting shadow in Hume, Marcia's almost kiss.
"And it's still me," he said aloud in wonder as he lay awake in the darkness. "I'm the man who sat in Berkeley with temerity to wonder if that rap would have had actual existence had my ear not been there to hear it. I'm still that man. I could be electrocuted for the crimes he committed.
"And it's still me," he said aloud in amazement as he lay awake in the dark. "I'm the guy who sat in Berkeley, daring to wonder if that rap would even exist if my ear hadn't been there to hear it. I'm still that guy. I could be electrocuted for the crimes he committed."
"Poor gauzy souls trying to express ourselves in something tangible. Marcia with her written book; I with my unwritten ones. Trying to choose our mediums and then taking what we get—and being glad."
"Poor delicate souls trying to express ourselves in something real. Marcia with her written book; I with my unwritten ones. Trying to pick our mediums and then accepting what we get—and being thankful."
V
"Sandra Pepys, Syncopated," with an introduction by Peter Boyce Wendell the columnist, appeared serially in Jordan's Magazine, and came out in book form in March. From its first published instalment it attracted attention far and wide. A trite enough subject—a girl from a small New Jersey town coming to New York to go on the stage—treated simply, with a peculiar vividness of phrasing and a haunting undertone of sadness in the very inadequacy of its vocabulary, it made an irresistible appeal.
"Sandra Pepys, Syncopated," with an introduction by Peter Boyce Wendell the columnist, was published in parts in Jordan's Magazine and came out in book form in March. From its first released segment, it drew attention from all around. The subject—a girl from a small town in New Jersey moving to New York to pursue a career in theater—might seem cliché, but it's presented in a straightforward way, with a unique vividness in the language and a lingering sadness in its simplicity that creates an irresistible allure.
Peter Boyce Wendell, who happened at that time to be advocating the enrichment of the American language by the immediate adoption of expressive vernacular words, stood as its sponsor and thundered his indorsement over the placid bromides of the conventional reviewers.
Peter Boyce Wendell, who was at that time promoting the enhancement of the American language by quickly adopting expressive slang, acted as its champion and loudly endorsed it over the bland reassurances of traditional reviewers.
Marcia received three hundred dollars an instalment for the serial publication, which came at an opportune time, for though Horace's monthly salary at the Hippodrome was now more than Marcia's had ever been, young Marcia was emitting shrill cries which they interpreted as a demand for country air. So early April found them installed in a bungalow in Westchester County, with a place for a lawn, a place for a garage, and a place for everything, including a sound-proof impregnable study, in which Marcia faithfully promised Mr. Jordan she would shut herself up when her daughter's demands began to be abated, and compose immortally illiterate literature.
Marcia received three hundred dollars as a payment for the serial publication, which came at just the right time, because even though Horace's monthly salary at the Hippodrome was now more than Marcia had ever made, young Marcia was letting out loud cries that they interpreted as a need for fresh air. So, by early April, they had moved into a bungalow in Westchester County, complete with a lawn, a garage, and a spot for everything, including a soundproof, impenetrable study, where Marcia promised Mr. Jordan she would lock herself away when her daughter's needs started to lessen and write remarkably uninspired literature.
"It's not half bad," thought Horace one night as he was on his way from the station to his house. He was considering several prospects that had opened up, a four months' vaudeville offer in five figures, a chance to go back to Princeton in charge of all gymnasium work. Odd! He had once intended to go back there in charge of all philosophic work, and now he had not even been stirred by the arrival in New York of Anton Laurier, his old idol.
"It's not too bad," Horace thought one night as he walked from the station to his house. He was thinking about a few opportunities that had come up: a four-month vaudeville offer for five figures and a chance to return to Princeton to oversee all the gymnasium activities. It was strange! He had once planned to go back there to take charge of all the philosophy courses, and now he wasn't even excited by the arrival in New York of Anton Laurier, his old idol.
The gravel crunched raucously under his heel. He saw the lights of his sitting-room gleaming and noticed a big car standing in the drive. Probably Mr. Jordan again, come to persuade Marcia to settle down' to work.
The gravel crunched loudly under his heel. He saw the lights of his living room shining and noticed a big car parked in the driveway. Probably Mr. Jordan again, here to convince Marcia to get back to work.
She had heard the sound of his approach and her form was silhouetted against the lighted door as she came out to meet him. "There's some Frenchman here," she whispered nervously. "I can't pronounce his name, but he sounds awful deep. You'll have to jaw with him."
She heard him coming and her shape was outlined against the lighted door as she stepped out to greet him. "There's a French guy here," she whispered anxiously. "I can't say his name, but he sounds really serious. You'll have to talk to him."
"What Frenchman?"
"Which French guy?"
"You can't prove it by me. He drove up an hour ago with Mr. Jordan, and said he wanted to meet Sandra Pepys, and all that sort of thing."
"You can't get me to back that up. He showed up an hour ago with Mr. Jordan and said he wanted to meet Sandra Pepys and all that stuff."
Two men rose from chairs as they went inside.
Two men stood up from their chairs as they entered.
"Hello Tarbox," said Jordan. "I've just been bringing together two celebrities. I've brought M'sieur Laurier out with me. M'sieur Laurier, let me present Mr. Tarbox, Mrs. Tarbox's husband."
"Hi Tarbox," said Jordan. "I've just been introducing two celebrities. I've brought Mr. Laurier with me. Mr. Laurier, this is Mr. Tarbox, Mrs. Tarbox's husband."
"Not Anton Laurier!" exclaimed Horace.
"Not Anton Laurier!" Horace exclaimed.
"But, yes. I must come. I have to come. I have read the book of Madame, and I have been charmed"—he fumbled in his pocket—"ah I have read of you too. In this newspaper which I read to-day it has your name."
"But, yes. I have to come. I need to come. I read Madame's book, and I was enchanted"—he rummaged through his pocket—"ah, I’ve also read about you. Your name was in the newspaper I read today."
He finally produced a clipping from a magazine.
He finally pulled out a magazine clipping.
"Read it!" he said eagerly. "It has about you too."
"Read this!" he said excitedly. "It’s about you as well."
Horace's eye skipped down the page.
Horace's eyes glided down the page.
"A distinct contribution to American dialect literature," it said. "No attempt at literary tone; the book derives its very quality from this fact, as did 'Huckleberry Finn.'"
"A unique addition to American dialect literature," it said. "There’s no effort to adopt a literary tone; the book's quality comes from this, just like 'Huckleberry Finn.'"
Horace's eyes caught a passage lower down; he became suddenly aghast—read on hurriedly:
Horace's eyes landed on a section further down; he suddenly felt shocked—he quickly continued reading:
"Marcia Tarbox's connection with the stage is not only as a spectator but as the wife of a performer. She was married last year to Horace Tarbox, who every evening delights the children at the Hippodrome with his wondrous flying performance. It is said that the young couple have dubbed themselves Head and Shoulders, referring doubtless to the fact that Mrs. Tarbox supplies the literary and mental qualities, while the supple and agile shoulder of her husband contribute their share to the family fortunes.
"Marcia Tarbox’s relationship with the stage isn’t just as a fan; she’s the wife of a performer. Last year, she married Horace Tarbox, who entertains kids every night at the Hippodrome with his amazing flying act. It’s said the couple jokingly calls themselves Head and Shoulders, likely because Mrs. Tarbox brings the literary and intellectual flair, while her husband’s flexible and agile skills help boost their family income."
"Mrs. Tarbox seems to merit that much-abused title—'prodigy.' Only twenty——"
"Mrs. Tarbox seems to deserve that much-used title—'prodigy.' Only twenty——"
Horace stopped reading, and with a very odd expression in his eyes gazed intently at Anton Laurier.
Horace stopped reading and, with a strange look in his eyes, stared intensely at Anton Laurier.
"I want to advise you—" he began hoarsely.
"I want to give you some advice—" he started, his voice rough.
"What?"
"What?"
"About raps. Don't answer them! Let them alone—have a padded door."
"About raps. Don’t respond to them! Leave them be—get a padded door."
The Cut-Glass Bowl
There was a rough stone age and a smooth stone age and a bronze age, and many years afterward a cut-glass age. In the cut-glass age, when young ladies had persuaded young men with long, curly mustaches to marry them, they sat down several months afterward and wrote thank-you notes for all sorts of cut-glass presents—punch-bowls, finger-bowls, dinner-glasses, wine-glasses, ice-cream dishes, bonbon dishes, decanters, and vases—for, though cut glass was nothing new in the nineties, it was then especially busy reflecting the dazzling light of fashion from the Back Bay to the fastnesses of the Middle West.
There was a rough stone age, a smooth stone age, a bronze age, and many years later, a cut-glass age. In the cut-glass age, when young women had convinced young men with long, curly mustaches to marry them, they sat down several months later and wrote thank-you notes for all kinds of cut-glass gifts—punch bowls, finger bowls, dinner glasses, wine glasses, ice cream dishes, bonbon dishes, decanters, and vases—because, although cut glass wasn’t new in the nineties, it was particularly popular at that time, reflecting the dazzling light of fashion from the Back Bay to the Midwest.
After the wedding the punch-bowls were arranged in the sideboard with the big bowl in the centre; the glasses were set up in the china-closet; the candlesticks were put at both ends of things—and then the struggle for existence began. The bonbon dish lost its little handle and became a pin-tray upstairs; a promenading cat knocked the little bowl off the sideboard, and the hired girl chipped the middle-sized one with the sugar-dish; then the wine-glasses succumbed to leg fractures, and even the dinner-glasses disappeared one by one like the ten little niggers, the last one ending up, scarred and maimed as a tooth-brush holder among other shabby genteels on the bathroom shelf. But by the time all this had happened the cut-glass age was over, anyway.
After the wedding, the punch bowls were set up on the sideboard with the big bowl in the center; the glasses were arranged in the china cabinet; the candlesticks were placed at both ends of the table—and then the struggle for survival began. The candy dish lost its little handle and became a pin tray upstairs; a roaming cat knocked the small bowl off the sideboard, and the maid chipped the medium-sized one with the sugar dish; then the wine glasses suffered broken legs, and even the dinner glasses disappeared one by one like the ten little blacks, with the last one ending up, scarred and damaged, as a toothbrush holder among other worn-out items on the bathroom shelf. But by the time all this had happened, the cut-glass era was over, anyway.
It was well past its first glory on the day the curious Mrs. Roger Fairboalt came to see the beautiful Mrs. Harold Piper.
It was long after its prime when the curious Mrs. Roger Fairboalt came to visit the lovely Mrs. Harold Piper.
"My dear," said the curious Mrs. Roger Fairboalt, "I love your house. I think it's quite artistic."
"My dear," said the curious Mrs. Roger Fairboalt, "I love your house. I think it's really artistic."
"I'm so glad," said the beautiful Mrs. Harold Piper, lights appearing in her young, dark eyes; "and you must come often. I'm almost always alone in the afternoon."
"I'm so glad," said the beautiful Mrs. Harold Piper, light sparkling in her young, dark eyes; "and you have to come by often. I'm almost always alone in the afternoons."
Mrs. Fairboalt would have liked to remark that she didn't believe this at all and couldn't see how she'd be expected to—it was all over town that Mr. Freddy Gedney had been dropping in on Mrs. Piper five afternoons a week for the past six months. Mrs. Fairboalt was at that ripe age where she distrusted all beautiful women——
Mrs. Fairboalt would have liked to say that she didn't believe this at all and couldn't understand how she was expected to—everyone in town was talking about how Mr. Freddy Gedney had been visiting Mrs. Piper five afternoons a week for the past six months. Mrs. Fairboalt was at that age where she distrusted all beautiful women—
"I love the dining-room most," she said, "all that marvellous china, and that huge cut-glass bowl."
"I love the dining room most," she said, "all that amazing china, and that giant cut-glass bowl."
Mrs. Piper laughed, so prettily that Mrs. Fairboalt's lingering reservations about the Freddy Gedney story quite vanished.
Mrs. Piper laughed so beautifully that Mrs. Fairboalt's lingering doubts about the Freddy Gedney story completely disappeared.
"Oh, that big bowl!" Mrs. Piper's mouth forming the words was a vivid rose petal. "There's a story about that bowl——"
"Oh, that big bowl!" Mrs. Piper's mouth formed the words like a vibrant rose petal. "There's a story about that bowl——"
"Oh——"
"Oh—"
"You remember young Carleton Canby? Well, he was very attentive at one time, and the night I told him I was going to marry Harold, seven years ago in ninety-two, he drew himself way up and said: 'Evylyn, I'm going to give a present that's as hard as you are and as beautiful and as empty and as easy to see through.' He frightened me a little—his eyes were so black. I thought he was going to deed me a haunted house or something that would explode when you opened it. That bowl came, and of course it's beautiful. Its diameter or circumference or something is two and a half feet—or perhaps it's three and a half. Anyway, the sideboard is really too small for it; it sticks way out."
"You remember young Carleton Canby? Well, he used to be very attentive, and the night I told him I was going to marry Harold, seven years ago in '92, he sat up straight and said, 'Evylyn, I'm going to give you a gift that's just as tough as you are, as beautiful, as empty, and as easy to see through.' He kinda freaked me out—his eyes were so dark. I thought he was going to give me a haunted house or something that would blow up when you opened it. That bowl arrived, and of course, it's stunning. Its diameter or circumference or something is two and a half feet—or maybe it's three and a half. Anyway, the sideboard is really too small for it; it sticks out a lot."
"My dear, wasn't that odd! And he left town about then didn't he?" Mrs. Fairboalt was scribbling italicized notes on her memory—"hard, beautiful, empty, and easy to see through."
"My dear, wasn't that strange! And he left town around that time, didn't he?" Mrs. Fairboalt was jotting down italicized notes in her memory—"hard, beautiful, empty, and easy to see through."
"Yes, he went West—or South—or somewhere," answered Mrs. Piper, radiating that divine vagueness that helps to lift beauty out of time.
"Yeah, he went West—or South—or somewhere," replied Mrs. Piper, giving off that blissful uncertainty that elevates beauty beyond time.
Mrs. Fairboalt drew on her gloves, approving the effect of largeness given by the open sweep from the spacious music-room through the library, disclosing a part of the dining-room beyond. It was really the nicest smaller house in town, and Mrs. Piper had talked of moving to a larger one on Devereaux Avenue. Harold Piper must be coining money.
Mrs. Fairboalt put on her gloves, pleased with the spacious feel created by the wide view from the large music room through the library, showing a glimpse of the dining room beyond. It was truly the best small house in town, and Mrs. Piper had mentioned moving to a bigger one on Devereaux Avenue. Harold Piper must be making a ton of money.
As she turned into the sidewalk under the gathering autumn dusk she assumed that disapproving, faintly unpleasant expression that almost all successful women of forty wear on the street.
As she walked onto the sidewalk under the darkening autumn sky, she took on that disapproving, slightly unpleasant look that nearly all successful women in their forties have when they’re out and about.
If _I_ were Harold Piper, she thought, I'd spend a little less time on business and a little more time at home. Some friend should speak to him.
If I were Harold Piper, she thought, I'd spend a little less time on work and a little more time at home. Someone should talk to him.
But if Mrs. Fairboalt had considered it a successful afternoon she would have named it a triumph had she waited two minutes longer. For while she was still a black receding figure a hundred yards down the street, a very good-looking distraught young man turned up the walk to the Piper house. Mrs. Piper answered the door-bell herself, and with a rather dismayed expression led him quickly into the library.
But if Mrs. Fairboalt had thought it was a successful afternoon, she would have called it a triumph if she had waited just two more minutes. While she was still a fading figure a hundred yards down the street, a very good-looking, troubled young man walked up the path to the Piper house. Mrs. Piper answered the door herself, and with a somewhat worried look, quickly led him into the library.
"I had to see you," he began wildly; "your note played the devil with me. Did Harold frighten you into this?"
"I had to see you," he said frantically; "your note drove me crazy. Did Harold scare you into this?"
She shook her head.
She shook her head.
"I'm through, Fred," she said slowly, and her lips had never looked to him so much like tearings from a rose. "He came home last night sick with it. Jessie Piper's sense of duty was to much for her, so she went down to his office and told him. He was hurt and—oh, I can't help seeing it his way, Fred. He says we've been club gossip all summer and he didn't know it, and now he understands snatches of conversation he's caught and veiled hints people have dropped about me. He's mighty angry, Fred, and he loves me and I love him—rather."
"I'm done, Fred," she said slowly, and her lips had never looked so much like petals from a rose to him. "He came home last night upset about it. Jessie Piper's sense of responsibility was too strong for her, so she went to his office and told him. He was hurt and—oh, I can't help but see it from his perspective, Fred. He says we've been the talk of the town all summer, and he didn't even know it, and now he realizes the snippets of conversation he overheard and the subtle hints people have dropped about me. He's really angry, Fred, and he loves me, and I love him—kind of."
Gedney nodded slowly and half closed his eyes.
Gedney slowly nodded and squinted his eyes.
"Yes," he said "yes, my trouble's like yours. I can see other people's points of view too plainly." His gray eyes met her dark ones frankly. "The blessed thing's over. My God, Evylyn, I've been sitting down at the office all day looking at the outside of your letter, and looking at it and looking at it——"
"Yeah," he said, "yeah, my problems are just like yours. I can see other people's perspectives way too clearly." His gray eyes met her dark ones directly. "It's finally over. My God, Evylyn, I've been sitting at the office all day just staring at the outside of your letter, and staring at it and staring at it——"
"You've got to go, Fred," she said steadily, and the slight emphasis of hurry in her voice was a new thrust for him. "I gave him my word of honor I wouldn't see you. I know just how far I can go with Harold, and being here with you this evening is one of the things I can't do."
"You need to leave, Fred," she said firmly, and the slight urgency in her voice was a new push for him. "I promised him I wouldn't see you. I know exactly what I can get away with when it comes to Harold, and being here with you tonight is one of the things I just can't do."
They were still standing, and as she spoke she made a little movement toward the door. Gedney looked at her miserably, trying, here at the end, to treasure up a last picture of her—and then suddenly both of them were stiffened into marble at the sound of steps on the walk outside. Instantly her arm reached out grasping the lapel of his coat—half urged, half swung him through the big door into the dark dining-room.
They were still standing, and as she spoke, she made a small movement toward the door. Gedney looked at her sadly, trying, at the end, to hold onto a last image of her—and then suddenly, both of them froze like statues at the sound of footsteps on the walkway outside. Without hesitation, her arm reached out, grabbing the lapel of his coat—partly pushing, partly pulling him through the big door into the dark dining room.
"I'll make him go up-stairs," she whispered close to his ear; "don't move till you hear him on the stairs. Then go out the front way."
"I'll make him go upstairs," she whispered close to his ear; "don't move until you hear him on the stairs. Then go out the front."
Then he was alone listening as she greeted her husband in the hall.
Then he was alone, listening as she greeted her husband in the hall.
Harold Piper was thirty-six, nine years older than his wife. He was handsome—with marginal notes: these being eyes that were too close together, and a certain woodenness when his face was in repose. His attitude toward this Gedney matter was typical of all his attitudes. He had told Evylyn that he considered the subject closed and would never reproach her nor allude to it in any form; and he told himself that this was rather a big way of looking at it—that she was not a little impressed. Yet, like all men who are preoccupied with their own broadness, he was exceptionally narrow.
Harold Piper was thirty-six, nine years older than his wife. He was good-looking—though with some notes: his eyes were a bit too close together, and his face had a stiff look when he was relaxed. His stance on the Gedney situation reflected his general outlook. He had told Evylyn that he saw the topic as closed and would never blame her or bring it up again; he convinced himself that this was a big deal and that she was somewhat impressed. However, like many men who are focused on their own magnanimity, he was actually quite narrow-minded.
He greeted Evylyn with emphasized cordiality this evening.
He warmly greeted Evylyn this evening.
"You'll have to hurry and dress, Harold," she said eagerly; "we're going to the Bronsons'."
"You need to hurry and get dressed, Harold," she said eagerly; "we're going to the Bronsons'."
He nodded.
He agreed.
"It doesn't take me long to dress, dear," and, his words trailing off, he walked on into the library. Evylyn's heart clattered loudly.
"It doesn't take me long to get ready, dear," and, as his words faded away, he walked into the library. Evylyn's heart raced loudly.
"Harold——" she began, with a little catch in her voice, and followed him in. He was lighting a cigarette. "You'll have to hurry, Harold," she finished, standing in the doorway.
"Harold—" she started, her voice a bit shaky, and followed him inside. He was lighting a cigarette. "You need to hurry, Harold," she said, standing in the doorway.
"Why?" he asked a trifle impatiently; "you're not dressed yourself yet, Evie."
"Why?" he asked, a bit impatiently. "You still haven't gotten dressed, Evie."
He stretched out in a Morris chair and unfolded a newspaper. With a sinking sensation Evylyn saw that this meant at least ten minutes—and Gedney was standing breathless in the next room. Supposing Harold decided that before he went upstairs he wanted a drink from the decanter on the sideboard. Then it occurred to her to forestall this contingency by bringing him the decanter and a glass. She dreaded calling his attention to the dining-room in any way, but she couldn't risk the other chance.
He leaned back in a Morris chair and opened a newspaper. With a sinking feeling, Evelyn realized that this would take at least ten minutes — and Gedney was standing breathless in the next room. What if Harold decided he wanted a drink from the decanter on the sideboard before heading upstairs? Then it struck her to prevent this scenario by bringing him the decanter and a glass. She hated the idea of drawing his attention to the dining room, but she couldn't take the chance of the other possibility.
But at the same moment Harold rose and, throwing his paper down, came toward her.
But at that moment, Harold stood up, tossed his paper aside, and walked over to her.
"Evie, dear," he said, bending and putting his arms about her, "I hope you're not thinking about last night——" She moved close to him, trembling. "I know," he continued, "it was just an imprudent friendship on your part. We all make mistakes."
"Evie, sweetheart," he said, bending down and wrapping his arms around her, "I hope you’re not dwelling on last night—" She moved closer to him, shaking. "I get it," he continued, "it was just a careless friendship on your part. We all mess up."
Evylyn hardly heard him. She was wondering if by sheer clinging to him she could draw him out and up the stairs. She thought of playing sick, asking to be carried up—unfortunately she knew he would lay her on the couch and bring her whiskey.
Evylyn barely paid attention to him. She was thinking about whether by simply holding on to him she could get him to take her up the stairs. She considered pretending to be sick, asking him to carry her up—unfortunately, she knew he would just lay her on the couch and bring her whiskey.
Suddenly her nervous tension moved up a last impossible notch. She had heard a very faint but quite unmistakable creak from the floor of the dining room. Fred was trying to get out the back way.
Suddenly, her nervous tension reached an unbearable level. She heard a very faint but unmistakable creak from the floor of the dining room. Fred was trying to sneak out the back.
Then her heart took a flying leap as a hollow ringing note like a gong echoed and re-echoed through the house. Gedney's arm had struck the big cut-glass bowl.
Then her heart skipped a beat as a hollow, ringing sound like a gong echoed and re-echoed through the house. Gedney's arm had hit the big cut-glass bowl.
"What's that!" cried Harold. "Who's there?"
"What's that!" shouted Harold. "Who's there?"
She clung to him but he broke away, and the room seemed to crash about her ears. She heard the pantry-door swing open, a scuffle, the rattle of a tin pan, and in wild despair she rushed into the kitchen and pulled up the gas. Her husband's arm slowly unwound from Gedney's neck, and he stood there very still, first in amazement, then with pain dawning in his face.
She held on to him, but he pulled away, and the room felt like it was falling down around her. She heard the pantry door swing open, some struggling, the clatter of a tin pan, and in a panic, she rushed into the kitchen and turned on the gas. Her husband's arm slowly loosened from Gedney's neck, and he stood there very still, first in shock, then with pain beginning to show on his face.
"My golly!" he said in bewilderment, and then repeated: "My golly!"
"My gosh!" he said in bewilderment, and then repeated: "My gosh!"
He turned as if to jump again at Gedney, stopped, his muscles visibly relaxed, and he gave a bitter little laugh.
He turned as if to leap at Gedney again, paused, his muscles visibly relaxed, and let out a bitter little laugh.
"You people—you people——" Evylyn's arms were around him and her eyes were pleading with him frantically, but he pushed her away and sank dazed into a kitchen chair, his face like porcelain. "You've been doing things to me, Evylyn. Why, you little devil! You little devil!"
"You guys—you guys——" Evylyn had her arms around him, and her eyes were pleading with him desperately, but he pushed her away and collapsed into a kitchen chair, his face as pale as porcelain. "You've been messing with me, Evylyn. Why, you little devil! You little devil!"
She had never felt so sorry for him; she had never loved him so much.
She had never felt so sorry for him; she had never loved him this much.
"It wasn't her fault," said Gedney rather humbly. "I just came." But Piper shook his head, and his expression when he stared up was as if some physical accident had jarred his mind into a temporary inability to function. His eyes, grown suddenly pitiful, struck a deep, unsounded chord in Evylyn—and simultaneously a furious anger surged in her. She felt her eyelids burning; she stamped her foot violently; her hands scurried nervously over the table as if searching for a weapon, and then she flung herself wildly at Gedney.
"It wasn't her fault," Gedney said, sounding pretty humble. "I just showed up." But Piper shook his head, and the look on his face when he looked up was like he had been hit by something that left his mind scrambled for a moment. His eyes, suddenly filled with pity, struck a deep chord in Evylyn—and at the same time, a fierce anger welled up inside her. She felt her eyelids burning; she stomped her foot angrily; her hands fidgeted nervously over the table as if searching for something to use as a weapon, and then she threw herself wildly at Gedney.
"Get out!" she screamed, dark eves blazing, little fists beating helplessly on his outstretched arm. "You did this! Get out of here—get out—get out! get out!"
"Get out!" she yelled, her dark eyes blazing, tiny fists pounding helplessly on his outstretched arm. "You did this! Get out of here—get out—get out! get out!"
II
Concerning Mrs. Harold Piper at thirty-five, opinion was divided—women said she was still handsome; men said she was pretty no longer. And this was probably because the qualities in her beauty that women had feared and men had followed had vanished. Her eyes were still as large and as dark and as sad, but the mystery had departed; their sadness was no longer eternal, only human, and she had developed a habit, when she was startled or annoyed, of twitching her brows together and blinking several times. Her mouth also had lost: the red had receded and the faint down-turning of its corners when she smiled, that had added to the sadness of the eyes and been vaguely mocking and beautiful, was quite gone. When she smiled now the corners of her lips turned up. Back in the days when she revelled in her own beauty Evylyn had enjoyed that smile of hers—she had accentuated it. When she stopped accentuating it, it faded out and the last of her mystery with it.
Concerning Mrs. Harold Piper at thirty-five, opinions were mixed—women said she was still attractive; men claimed she was no longer pretty. This was likely because the qualities in her beauty that women had envied and men had admired had disappeared. Her eyes were still large, dark, and sad, but the mystery was gone; their sadness wasn’t eternal anymore, just human, and she had developed a habit of furrowing her brows and blinking several times when she was startled or annoyed. Her mouth had also changed: the red had faded, and the slight downturn of its corners when she smiled—previously enhancing the sadness in her eyes and adding a vaguely mocking beauty—was completely gone. Now, when she smiled, the corners of her lips turned up. Back in the days when she reveled in her beauty, Evelyn had loved that smile—she had emphasized it. But when she stopped emphasizing it, it faded away along with the last of her mystery.
Evylyn had ceased accentuating her smile within a month after the Freddy Gedney affair. Externally things had gone an very much as they had before. But in those few minutes during which she had discovered how much she loved her husband, Evylyn had realized how indelibly she had hurt him. For a month she struggled against aching silences, wild reproaches and accusations—she pled with him, made quiet, pitiful little love to him, and he laughed at her bitterly—and then she, too, slipped gradually into silence and a shadowy, impenetrable barrier dropped between them. The surge of love that had risen in her she lavished on Donald, her little boy, realizing him almost wonderingly as a part of her life.
Evylyn had stopped smiling a month after the Freddy Gedney incident. On the surface, everything seemed to carry on as it had before. But during those few moments when she realized how deeply she loved her husband, Evylyn understood just how much she had hurt him. For a month, she fought against the painful silences, wild accusations, and resentment—she begged him, tried to express her love in quiet, sad ways, and he responded with bitter laughter—and then she, too, gradually fell into silence, and an elusive, impenetrable barrier settled between them. The surge of love that had emerged within her was directed toward Donald, her little boy, as she came to recognize him in wonder as a part of her life.
The next year a piling up of mutual interests and responsibilities and some stray flicker from the past brought husband and wife together again—but after a rather pathetic flood of passion Evylyn realized that her great opportunity was gone. There simply wasn't anything left. She might have been youth and love for both—but that time of silence had slowly dried up the springs of affection and her own desire to drink again of them was dead.
The next year, a buildup of shared interests and responsibilities, along with some random memories from the past, brought the husband and wife together again. But after a somewhat sad outpouring of passion, Evylyn realized that her big chance was gone. There really wasn't anything left. She could have been the embodiment of youth and love for both, but that period of silence had gradually drained the sources of affection, and her own desire to experience them again was gone.
She began for the first time to seek women friends, to prefer books she had read before, to sew a little where she could watch her two children to whom she was devoted. She worried about little things—if she saw crumbs on the dinner-table her mind drifted off the conversation: she was receding gradually into middle age.
She started looking for women friends for the first time, choosing to re-read books she loved, and doing some sewing while keeping an eye on her two children, whom she adored. She became concerned about small details—if she noticed crumbs on the dinner table, her thoughts wandered away from the conversation: she was slowly slipping into middle age.
Her thirty-fifth birthday had been an exceptionally busy one, for they were entertaining on short notice that night, as she stood in her bedroom window in the late afternoon she discovered that she was quite tired. Ten years before she would have lain down and slept, but now she had a feeling that things needed watching: maids were cleaning down-stairs, bric-à-brac was all over the floor, and there were sure to be grocery-men that had to be talked to imperatively—and then there was a letter to write Donald, who was fourteen and in his first year away at school.
Her thirty-fifth birthday had been super busy, since they were hosting guests on short notice that night. As she stood in her bedroom window in the late afternoon, she realized she was pretty tired. Ten years ago, she would have just laid down and taken a nap, but now she felt like she needed to keep an eye on things: maids were cleaning downstairs, knick-knacks were scattered all over the floor, and there were definitely grocery delivery guys she needed to talk to urgently—and then there was a letter to write to Donald, who was fourteen and in his first year away at school.
She had nearly decided to lie down, nevertheless, when she heard a sudden familiar signal from little Julie down-stairs. She compressed her lips, her brows twitched together, and she blinked.
She had just about made up her mind to lie down, but then she heard a familiar signal from little Julie downstairs. She pressed her lips together, her brows knitted, and she blinked.
"Julie!" she called.
"Julie!" she shouted.
"Ah-h-h-ow!" prolonged Julie plaintively. Then the voice of Hilda, the second maid, floated up the stairs.
"Ow!" Julie exclaimed sadly. Then Hilda, the second maid, called up from the bottom of the stairs.
"She cut herself a little, Mis' Piper."
"She gave herself a little cut, Miss Piper."
Evylyn flew to her sewing-basket, rummaged until she found a torn handkerchief, and hurried downstairs. In a moment Julie was crying in her arms as she searched for the cut, faint, disparaging evidences of which appeared on Julie's dress.
Evylyn rushed to her sewing basket, dug around until she found a torn handkerchief, and quickly headed downstairs. Before long, Julie was crying in her arms as Evylyn looked for the cut, the faint, discouraging signs of which showed on Julie's dress.
"My thu-umb!" explained Julie. "Oh-h-h-h, t'urts."
"My thumb!" explained Julie. "Oh, it hurts."
"It was the bowl here, the he one," said Hilda apologetically. "It was waitin' on the floor while I polished the sideboard, and Julie come along an' went to foolin' with it. She yust scratch herself."
"It was the bowl here, the one," Hilda said apologetically. "It was sitting on the floor while I cleaned the sideboard, and Julie came along and started messing with it. She just scratched herself."
Evylyn frowned heavily at Hilda, and twisting Julie decisively in her lap, began tearing strips of the handkerchief.
Evylyn frowned at Hilda and, turning Julie in her lap, started tearing strips from the handkerchief.
"Now—let's see it, dear."
"Alright—let's see it, love."
Julie held it up and Evelyn pounced.
Julie held it up, and Evelyn jumped on it.
"There!"
"Done!"
Julie surveyed her swathed thumb doubtfully. She crooked it; it waggled. A pleased, interested look appeared in her tear-stained face. She sniffled and waggled it again.
Julie looked at her wrapped thumb with some doubt. She bent it; it wiggled. A happy, curious expression showed up on her tear-streaked face. She sniffed and wiggled it again.
"You precious!" cried Evylyn and kissed her, but before she left the room she levelled another frown at Hilda. Careless! Servants all that way nowadays. If she could get a good Irishwoman—but you couldn't any more—and these Swedes——
"You precious!" yelled Evylyn and kissed her, but before she left the room, she shot another glare at Hilda. Careless! That's how servants are these days. If only she could get a good Irish woman—but you can't find those anymore—and these Swedes——
At five o'clock Harold arrived and, coming up to her room, threatened in a suspiciously jovial tone to kiss her thirty-five times for her birthday. Evylyn resisted.
At five o'clock, Harold showed up and, walking into her room, jokingly threatened to kiss her thirty-five times for her birthday. Evylyn pushed back.
"You've been drinking," she said shortly, and then added qualitatively, "a little. You know I loathe the smell of it."
"You've been drinking," she said flatly, then added, "a little. You know I hate the smell of it."
"Evie," he said after a pause, seating himself in a chair by the window, "I can tell you something now. I guess you've known things haven't beep going quite right down-town."
"Evie," he said after a pause, sitting down in a chair by the window, "I can tell you something now. I suppose you've noticed that things haven't been going quite right downtown."
She was standing at the window combing her hair, but at these words she turned and looked at him.
She was standing at the window brushing her hair, but at these words, she turned and looked at him.
"How do you mean? You've always said there was room for more than one wholesale hardware house in town." Her voice expressed some alarm.
"What's that supposed to mean? You've always said there was enough business for more than one hardware store in town." Her voice showed some worry.
"There was," said Harold significantly, "but this Clarence Ahearn is a smart man."
"There was," said Harold meaningfully, "but this Clarence Ahearn is a clever guy."
"I was surprised when you said he was coming to dinner."
"I was surprised when you said he was coming over for dinner."
"Evie," he went on, with another slap at his knee, "after January first 'The Clarence Ahearn Company' becomes 'The Ahearn, Piper Company'—and 'Piper Brothers' as a company ceases to exist."
"Evie," he continued, giving his knee another slap, "after January first, 'The Clarence Ahearn Company' is changing to 'The Ahearn, Piper Company'—and 'Piper Brothers' will no longer exist as a company."
Evylyn was startled. The sound of his name in second place was somehow hostile to her; still he appeared jubilant.
Evylyn was taken aback. Hearing his name in second place felt strangely antagonistic to her; yet he seemed thrilled.
"I don't understand, Harold."
"I don't get it, Harold."
"Well, Evie, Ahearn has been fooling around with Marx. If those two had combined we'd have been the little fellow, struggling along, picking up smaller orders, hanging back on risks. It's a question of capital, Evie, and 'Ahearn and Marx' would have had the business just like 'Ahearn and Piper' is going to now." He paused and coughed and a little cloud of whiskey floated up to her nostrils. "Tell you the truth, Evie, I've suspected that Ahearn's wife had something to do with it. Ambitious little lady, I'm told. Guess she knew the Marxes couldn't help her much here."
"Well, Evie, Ahearn has been messing around with Marx. If those two had teamed up, we would have been the little guy, struggling along, picking up smaller orders, and staying cautious about risks. It’s all about capital, Evie, and 'Ahearn and Marx' would have had the business just like 'Ahearn and Piper' is going to now." He paused and coughed, and a little cloud of whiskey wafted up to her nose. "To be honest, Evie, I’ve suspected that Ahearn’s wife was involved. I’ve heard she’s an ambitious little lady. I guess she knew the Marxes couldn’t really help her here."
"Is she—common?" asked Evie.
"Is she basic?" asked Evie.
"Never met her, I'm sure—but I don't doubt it. Clarence Ahearn's name's been up at the Country Club five months—no action taken." He waved his hand disparagingly. "Ahearn and I had lunch together to-day and just about clinched it, so I thought it'd be nice to have him and his wife up to-night—just have nine, mostly family. After all, it's a big thing for me, and of course we'll have to see something of them, Evie."
"Never met her, I'm sure—but I believe it. Clarence Ahearn's name has been at the Country Club for five months—no action taken." He waved his hand dismissively. "Ahearn and I had lunch together today and almost finalized it, so I thought it would be nice to invite him and his wife over tonight—just have nine of us, mostly family. After all, it's a big deal for me, and of course we'll need to get to know them a bit, Evie."
"Yes," said Evie thoughtfully, "I suppose we will."
"Yeah," Evie said thoughtfully, "I guess we will."
Evylyn was not disturbed over the social end of it—but the idea of "Piper Brothers" becoming "The Ahearn, Piper Company" startled her. It seemed like going down in the world.
Evylyn wasn't bothered by the social aspect of it—but the thought of "Piper Brothers" turning into "The Ahearn, Piper Company" shocked her. It felt like a step down in the world.
Half an hour later, as she began to dress for dinner, she heard his voice from down-stairs.
Half an hour later, as she started to get ready for dinner, she heard his voice from downstairs.
"Oh, Evie, come down!"
"Oh, Evie, come downstairs!"
She went out into the hall and called over the banister:
She stepped into the hall and shouted over the railing:
"What is it?"
"What's that?"
"I want you to help me make some of that punch before dinner."
"I want you to help me make some of that punch before dinner."
Hurriedly rehooking her dress, she descended the stairs and found him grouping the essentials on the dining-room table. She went to the sideboard and, lifting one of the bowls, carried it over.
Hurriedly rehooking her dress, she went down the stairs and found him gathering the essentials on the dining room table. She walked to the sideboard, picked up one of the bowls, and brought it over.
"Oh, no," he protested, "let's use the big one. There'll be Ahearn and his wife and you and I and Milton, that's five, and Tom and Jessie, that's seven: and your sister and Joe Ambler, that's nine. You don't know how quick that stuff goes when you make it."
"Oh, no," he protested, "let's use the big one. There'll be Ahearn and his wife, you and me, and Milton, that makes five, and then Tom and Jessie, that's seven; and your sister and Joe Ambler, that's nine. You have no idea how fast that stuff goes when you make it."
"We'll use this bowl," she insisted. "It'll hold plenty. You know how Tom is."
"We'll use this bowl," she insisted. "It'll hold a lot. You know how Tom can be."
Tom Lowrie, husband to Jessie, Harold's first cousin, was rather inclined to finish anything in a liquid way that he began.
Tom Lowrie, who was married to Jessie, Harold's first cousin, had a tendency to wrap up anything he started in a liquid way.
Harold shook his head.
Harold shook his head.
"Don't be foolish. That one holds only about three quarts and there's nine of us, and the servants'll want some—and it isn't strong punch. It's so much more cheerful to have a lot, Evie; we don't have to drink all of it."
"Don't be silly. That one holds only about three quarts and there are nine of us, plus the servants will want some—and it isn't strong punch. It's so much more fun to have a lot, Evie; we don't have to drink all of it."
"I say the small one."
"I'm picking the small one."
Again he shook his head obstinately.
Again, he shook his head stubbornly.
"No; be reasonable."
"No, be reasonable."
"I am reasonable," she said shortly. "I don't want any drunken men in the house."
"I am reasonable," she said curtly. "I don't want any drunk men in the house."
"Who said you did?"
"Who said you did that?"
"Then use the small bowl."
"Then use the smaller bowl."
"Now, Evie——"
"Now, Evie—"
He grasped the smaller bowl to lift it back. Instantly her hands were on it, holding it down. There was a momentary struggle, and then, with a little exasperated grunt, he raised his side, slipped it from her fingers, and carried it to the sideboard.
He grabbed the smaller bowl to lift it back. Immediately her hands were on it, keeping it in place. There was a brief struggle, and then, with a slight annoyed grunt, he lifted his side, slid it from her fingers, and took it to the sideboard.
She looked at him and tried to make her expression contemptuous, but he only laughed. Acknowledging her defeat but disclaiming all future interest in the punch, she left the room.
She looked at him and tried to make her expression disdainful, but he just laughed. Accepting her loss but showing no interest in the fight anymore, she left the room.
III
At seven-thirty, her cheeks glowing and her high-piled hair gleaming with a suspicion of brilliantine, Evylyn descended the stairs. Mrs. Ahearn, a little woman concealing a slight nervousness under red hair and an extreme Empire gown, greeted her volubly. Evelyn disliked her on the spot, but the husband she rather approved of. He had keen blue eyes and a natural gift of pleasing people that might have made him, socially, had he not so obviously committed the blunder of marrying too early in his career.
At seven-thirty, with her cheeks glowing and her piled-up hair shining with a hint of hair product, Evelyn came down the stairs. Mrs. Ahearn, a petite woman hiding a bit of nervousness beneath her red hair and a very formal Empire dress, greeted her enthusiastically. Evelyn disliked her immediately, but she found her husband more likable. He had sharp blue eyes and a natural charm that could have made him quite popular socially, if he hadn't clearly made the mistake of marrying too early in his career.
"I'm glad to know Piper's wife," he said simply. "It looks as though your husband and I are going to see a lot of each other in the future."
"I'm happy to know Piper's wife," he said straightforwardly. "It seems like your husband and I are going to be seeing a lot of each other in the future."
She bowed, smiled graciously, and turned to greet the others: Milton Piper, Harold's quiet, unassertive younger brother; the two Lowries, Jessie and Tom; Irene, her own unmarried sister; and finally Joe Ambler, a confirmed bachelor and Irene's perennial beau.
She bowed, smiled politely, and turned to greet the others: Milton Piper, Harold's quietly unassuming younger brother; the two Lowries, Jessie and Tom; Irene, her own single sister; and finally Joe Ambler, a confirmed bachelor and Irene's long-time boyfriend.
Harold led the way into dinner.
Harold took the lead into dinner.
"We're having a punch evening," he announced jovially—Evylyn saw that he had already sampled his concoction—"so there won't be any cocktails except the punch. It's m' wife's greatest achievement, Mrs. Ahearn; she'll give you the recipe if you want it; but owing to a slight"—he caught his wife's eye and paused —"to a slight indisposition; I'm responsible for this batch. Here's how!"
"We're having a punch evening," he announced cheerfully—Evylyn noticed that he had already tried his mix—"so there won't be any cocktails except the punch. It's my wife's greatest achievement, Mrs. Ahearn; she'll give you the recipe if you're interested; but due to a little"—he glanced at his wife and paused—"due to a little indisposition, I'm in charge of this batch. Here’s how!"
All through dinner there was punch, and Evylyn, noticing that Ahearn and Milton Piper and all the women were shaking their heads negatively at the maid, knew she had been right about the bowl; it was still half full. She resolved to caution Harold directly afterward, but when the women left the table Mrs. Ahearn cornered her, and she found herself talking cities and dressmakers with a polite show of interest.
All through dinner, there was punch, and Evylyn noticed that Ahearn, Milton Piper, and all the women were shaking their heads at the maid, confirming she was right about the bowl; it was still half full. She decided to warn Harold afterward, but when the women left the table, Mrs. Ahearn cornered her, and she found herself discussing cities and dressmakers with a polite interest.
"We've moved around a lot," chattered Mrs. Ahearn, her red head nodding violently. "Oh, yes, we've never stayed so long in a town before—but I do hope we're here for good. I like it here; don't you?"
"We've moved around a lot," Mrs. Ahearn said, her red head nodding vigorously. "Oh, yes, we've never stayed in one place this long before—but I really hope we're here to stay. I like it here; don’t you?"
"Well, you see, I've always lived here, so, naturally——"
"Well, you see, I've always lived here, so, of course——"
"Oh, that's true," said Mrs. Ahearn and laughed. Clarence always used to tell me he had to have a wife he could come home to and say: "Well, we're going to Chicago to-morrow to live, so pack up."
"Oh, that's true," said Mrs. Ahearn, laughing. Clarence always told me he needed a wife he could come home to and say, "Well, we're moving to Chicago tomorrow, so pack your things."
"I got so I never expected to live anywhere." She laughed her little laugh again; Evylyn suspected that it was her society laugh.
"I got to the point where I never expected to live anywhere." She laughed her little laugh again; Evylyn suspected it was her social laugh.
"Your husband is a very able man, I imagine."
"Your husband is a very capable man, I assume."
"Oh, yes," Mrs. Ahearn assured her eagerly. "He's brainy, Clarence is. Ideas and enthusiasm, you know. Finds out what he wants and then goes and gets it."
"Oh, definitely," Mrs. Ahearn said enthusiastically. "He's really smart, Clarence is. Full of ideas and energy, you know. He figures out what he wants and then goes for it."
Evylyn nodded. She was wondering if the men were still drinking punch back in the dining-room. Mrs. Ahearn's history kept unfolding jerkily, but Evylyn had ceased to listen. The first odor of massed cigars began to drift in. It wasn't really a large house, she reflected; on an evening like this the library sometimes grew blue with smoke, and next day one had to leave the windows open for hours to air the heavy staleness out of the curtains. Perhaps this partnership might . . . she began to speculate on a new house . . .
Evylyn nodded. She was curious if the men were still drinking punch back in the dining room. Mrs. Ahearn's story was still unfolding, but Evylyn had stopped paying attention. The first whiff of a bunch of cigars started to fill the air. It wasn’t really a big house, she thought; on a night like this, the library sometimes filled with blue smoke, and the next day, you had to leave the windows open for hours to get the stale smell out of the curtains. Maybe this partnership could... she started to imagine a new house...
Mrs. Ahearn's voice drifted in on her:
Mrs. Ahearn's voice floated in on her:
"I really would like the recipe if you have it written down somewhere——"
"I’d really love the recipe if you have it written down somewhere——"
Then there was a sound of chairs in the dining-room and the men strolled in. Evylyn saw at once that her worst fears were realized. Harold's face was flushed and his words ran together at the ends of sentences, while Tom Lowrie lurched when he walked and narrowly missed Irene's lap when he tried to sink onto the couch beside her. He sat there blinking dazedly at the company. Evylyn found herself blinking back at him, but she saw no humor in it. Joe Ambler was smiling contentedly and purring on his cigar. Only Ahearn and Milton Piper seemed unaffected.
Then there was the sound of chairs in the dining room, and the men strolled in. Evylyn immediately realized that her worst fears had come true. Harold's face was red, and his words slurred together at the end of sentences, while Tom Lowrie stumbled as he walked and nearly fell into Irene's lap when he tried to settle onto the couch next to her. He sat there, blinking dazedly at everyone. Evylyn found herself blinking back at him, but she didn’t find it funny. Joe Ambler was smiling with satisfaction and puffing on his cigar. Only Ahearn and Milton Piper seemed unaffected.
"It's a pretty fine town, Ahearn," said Ambler, "you'll find that."
"It's a really nice town, Ahearn," said Ambler, "you'll see."
"I've found it so," said Ahearn pleasantly.
"I've found it to be true," Ahearn said with a smile.
"You find it more, Ahearn," said Harold, nodding emphatically "'f I've an'thin' do 'th it."
"You find it more, Ahearn," Harold said, nodding firmly, "if I've got anything to do with it."
He soared into a eulogy of the city, and Evylyn wondered uncomfortably if it bored every one as it bored her. Apparently not. They were all listening attentively. Evylyn broke in at the first gap.
He launched into a tribute to the city, and Evylyn felt a bit uneasy, wondering if everyone else found it as dull as she did. Apparently not. They were all listening closely. Evylyn jumped in at the first opportunity.
"Where've you been living, Mr. Ahearn?" she asked interestedly. Then she remembered that Mrs. Ahearn had told her, but it didn't matter. Harold mustn't talk so much. He was such an ass when he'd been drinking. But he plopped directly back in.
"Where have you been living, Mr. Ahearn?" she asked, interested. Then she remembered that Mrs. Ahearn had told her, but it didn't matter. Harold shouldn't talk so much. He was such an ass when he had been drinking. But he jumped right back in.
"Tell you, Ahearn. Firs' you wanna get a house up here on the hill. Get Stearne house or Ridgeway house. Wanna have it so people say: 'There's Ahearn house.' Solid, you know, tha's effec' it gives."
"Listen up, Ahearn. First, you need to get a house up here on the hill. Go for Stearne house or Ridgeway house. You want it to be the kind of place where people say, 'That's Ahearn's house.' It has a solid vibe, you know, that’s the effect it gives."
Evylyn flushed. This didn't sound right at all. Still Ahearn didn't seem to notice anything amiss, only nodded gravely.
Evylyn felt her cheeks heat up. This didn't sound right at all. Still, Ahearn didn't seem to notice anything off, just nodded seriously.
"Have you been looking——" But her words trailed off unheard as Harold's voice boomed on.
"Have you been looking——" But her words faded away as Harold's voice continued to resonate.
"Get house—tha's start. Then you get know people. Snobbish town first toward outsider, but not long—after know you. People like you"—he indicated Ahearn and his wife with a sweeping gesture—"all right. Cordial as an'thin' once get by first barrer-bar-barrer—" He swallowed, and then said "barrier," repeated it masterfully.
"Get a house—that's the first step. Then you meet people. This snobbish town is initially cold to outsiders, but that doesn't last long—once they get to know you. People like you"—he pointed to Ahearn and his wife with a sweeping gesture—"are all right. They're as friendly as can be once you get past the first barrier." He paused, then said "barrier," and repeated it confidently.
Evylyn looked appealingly at her brother-in-law, but before he could intercede a thick mumble had come crowding out of Tom Lowrie, hindered by the dead cigar which he gripped firmly with his teeth.
Evylyn looked at her brother-in-law with hope, but before he could step in, a thick mumble burst out of Tom Lowrie, muffled by the dead cigar he held tightly between his teeth.
"Huma uma ho huma ahdy um——"
Huma uma ho huma ahdy um——
"What?" demanded Harold earnestly.
"What?" Harold asked earnestly.
Resignedly and with difficulty Tom removed the cigar—that is, he removed part of it, and then blew the remainder with a whut sound across the room, where it landed liquidly and limply in Mrs. Ahearn's lap.
Resigned and with some effort, Tom took out the cigar—that is, he took out part of it, and then blew the rest with a whut sound across the room, where it landed wet and limp in Mrs. Ahearn's lap.
"Beg pardon," he mumbled, and rose with the vague intention of going after it. Milton's hand on his coat collapsed him in time, and Mrs. Ahearn not ungracefully flounced the tobacco from her skirt to the floor, never once looking at it.
"Excuse me," he mumbled, and stood up with the unclear intention of going after it. Milton's hand on his coat stopped him just in time, and Mrs. Ahearn elegantly brushed the tobacco off her skirt onto the floor, not once glancing at it.
"I was sayin'," continued Tom thickly, "'fore 'at happened,"—he waved his hand apologetically toward Mrs. Ahearn—"I was sayin' I heard all truth that Country Club matter."
"I was saying," continued Tom thickly, "before that happened,"—he waved his hand apologetically toward Mrs. Ahearn—"I was saying I heard the whole truth about that Country Club situation."
Milton leaned and whispered something to him.
Milton leaned in and whispered something to him.
"Lemme 'lone," he said petulantly; "know what I'm doin'. 'Ats what they came for."
"Leave me alone," he said sulkily; "I know what I'm doing. That's what they came for."
Evylyn sat there in a panic, trying to make her mouth form words. She saw her sister's sardonic expression and Mrs. Ahearn's face turning a vivid red. Ahearn was looking down at his watch-chain, fingering it.
Evylyn sat there in a panic, trying to get her mouth to form words. She saw her sister's sarcastic expression and Mrs. Ahearn's face turning a bright red. Ahearn was looking down at his watch chain, fiddling with it.
"I heard who's been keepin' y' out, an' he's not a bit better'n you. I can fix whole damn thing up. Would've before, but I didn't know you. Harol' tol' me you felt bad about the thing——"
"I heard who's been keeping you out, and he's not any better than you. I can fix the whole thing. I would have done it before, but I didn't know you. Harold told me you felt bad about it."
Milton Piper rose suddenly and awkwardly to his feet. In a second every one was standing tensely and Milton was saying something very hurriedly about having to go early, and the Ahearns were listening with eager intentness. Then Mrs. Ahearn swallowed and turned with a forced smile toward Jessie. Evylyn saw Tom lurch forward and put his hand on Ahearns shoulder—and suddenly she was listening to a new, anxious voice at her elbow, and, turning, found Hilda, the second maid.
Milton Piper stood up quickly and clumsily. In an instant, everyone was standing tensely, and Milton was hurriedly explaining that he had to leave early, while the Ahearns listened intently. Then Mrs. Ahearn swallowed hard and forced a smile at Jessie. Evylyn noticed Tom lean forward and place his hand on Mr. Ahearn's shoulder—and suddenly, she heard a new, anxious voice beside her. Turning, she found Hilda, the second maid.
"Please, Mis' Piper, I tank Yulie got her hand poisoned. It's all swole up and her cheeks is hot and she's moanin' an' groanin'——"
"Please, Miss Piper, I think Yulie's hand got poisoned. It's all swollen up, and her cheeks are hot, and she's moaning and groaning——"
"Julie is?" Evylyn asked sharply. The party suddenly receded. She turned quickly, sought with her eyes for Mrs. Ahearn, slipped toward her.
"Where's Julie?" Evylyn asked sharply. The party suddenly faded away. She quickly turned, scanned the room for Mrs. Ahearn, and moved toward her.
"If you'll excuse me, Mrs.—" She had momentarily forgotten the name, but she went right on: "My little girl's been taken sick. I'll be down when I can." She turned and ran quickly up the stairs, retaining a confused picture of rays of cigar smoke and a loud discussion in the centre of the room that seemed to be developing into an argument.
"If you'll excuse me, ma'am—" She had momentarily forgotten the name, but she continued: "My little girl is sick. I’ll be down when I can." She turned and quickly ran up the stairs, keeping a hazy image of cigar smoke and a loud conversation in the center of the room that seemed to be turning into an argument.
Switching on the light in the nursery, she found Julie tossing feverishly and giving out odd little cries. She put her hand against the cheeks. They were burning. With an exclamation she followed the arm down under the cover until she found the hand. Hilda was right. The whole thumb was swollen to the wrist and in the centre was a little inflamed sore. Blood-poisoning! her mind cried in terror. The bandage had come off the cut and she'd gotten something in it. She'd cut it at three o'clock—it was now nearly eleven. Eight hours. Blood-poisoning couldn't possibly develop so soon.
Switching on the light in the nursery, she found Julie tossing around and making strange little noises. She put her hand against Julie's cheeks. They were hot. With a gasp, she followed the arm under the covers until she found the hand. Hilda was right. The entire thumb was swollen up to the wrist and there was a small inflamed sore in the middle. Blood poisoning! her mind screamed in fear. The bandage had come off the cut and she must have gotten something in it. Julie had cut it at three o'clock—it was now almost eleven. Eight hours. Blood poisoning couldn't possibly develop that quickly.
She rushed to the 'phone.
She rushed to the phone.
Doctor Martin across the street was out. Doctor Foulke, their family physician, didn't answer. She racked her brains and in desperation called her throat specialist, and bit her lip furiously while he looked up the numbers of two physicians. During that interminable moment she thought she heard loud voices down-stairs—but she seemed to be in another world now. After fifteen minutes she located a physician who sounded angry and sulky at being called out of bed. She ran back to the nursery and, looking at the hand, found it was somewhat more swollen.
Doctor Martin across the street was unavailable. Doctor Foulke, their family doctor, didn’t respond. She tried to think of other options and, feeling desperate, called her throat specialist, biting her lip anxiously while he searched for the numbers of two other doctors. In that long moment, she thought she heard loud voices downstairs—but she felt like she was in a different world now. After fifteen minutes, she managed to find a doctor who sounded irritated and grumpy about being woken up. She hurried back to the nursery and noticed that the hand appeared to be a bit more swollen.
"Oh, God!" she cried, and kneeling beside the bed began smoothing back Julie's hair over and over. With a vague idea of getting some hot water, she rose and stared toward the door, but the lace of her dress caught in the bed-rail and she fell forward on her hands and knees. She struggled up and jerked frantically at the lace. The bed moved and Julie groaned. Then more quietly but with suddenly fumbling fingers she found the pleat in front, tore the whole pannier completely off, and rushed from the room.
"Oh, God!" she cried, kneeling beside the bed and smoothing Julie's hair repeatedly. With a half-formed thought of fetching some hot water, she stood up and looked toward the door, but the lace of her dress snagged on the bed rail, causing her to fall forward onto her hands and knees. She struggled to get up and yanked at the lace in a panic. The bed shifted, and Julie groaned. Then, more quietly but with clumsy fingers, she located the pleat in front, ripped the entire pannier off, and dashed out of the room.
Out in the hall she heard a single loud, insistent voice, but as she reached the head of the stairs it ceased and an outer door banged.
Out in the hallway, she heard a loud, persistent voice, but as she got to the top of the stairs, it stopped and an outside door slammed shut.
The music-room came into view. Only Harold and Milton were there, the former leaning against a chair, his face very pale, his collar open, and his mouth moving loosely.
The music room came into view. Only Harold and Milton were there, with Harold leaning against a chair, his face very pale, his collar open, and his mouth moving loosely.
"What's the matter?"
"What's wrong?"
Milton looked at her anxiously.
Milton looked at her nervously.
"There was a little trouble——"
"There was a bit of trouble——"
Then Harold saw her and, straightening up with an effort, began to speak.
Then Harold saw her and, with some effort, straightened up to speak.
"Sult m'own cousin m'own house. God damn common nouveau rish. 'Sult m'own cousin——"
"Sult my own cousin my own house. God damn common new money." 'Sult my own cousin——"
"Tom had trouble with Ahearn and Harold interfered," said Milton. "My Lord Milton," cried Evylyn, "couldn't you have done something?"
"Tom had issues with Ahearn, and Harold got involved," Milton said. "My Lord Milton," exclaimed Evylyn, "couldn't you have done something?"
"I tried; I——"
"I tried; I—"
"Julie's sick," she interrupted; "she's poisoned herself. Get him to bed if you can."
"Julie’s unwell," she interrupted; "she's poisoned herself. Get him to bed if you can."
Harold looked up.
Harold glanced up.
"Julie sick?"
"Is Julie sick?"
Paying no attention, Evylyn brushed by through the dining-room, catching sight, with a burst of horror, of the big punch-bowl still on the table, the liquid from melted ice in its bottom. She heard steps on the front stairs—it was Milton helping Harold up—and then a mumble: "Why, Julie's a'righ'."
Ignoring everything, Evylyn walked through the dining room, catching a glimpse of the large punch bowl still on the table, with melted ice pooled at the bottom. She heard footsteps on the front stairs—it was Milton helping Harold up—and then a muffled comment: "Well, Julie's okay."
"Don't let him go into the nursery!" she shouted.
"Don't let him go into the nursery!" she yelled.
The hours blurred into a nightmare. The doctor arrived just before midnight and within a half-hour had lanced the wound. He left at two after giving her the addresses of two nurses to call up and promising to return at half past six. It was blood-poisoning.
The hours turned into a nightmare. The doctor showed up just before midnight and within thirty minutes had drained the wound. He left at two after giving her the contact information for two nurses to reach out to and promising to come back at six-thirty. It was blood poisoning.
At four, leaving Hilda by the bedside, she went to her room, and slipping with a shudder out of her evening dress, kicked it into a corner. She put on a house dress and returned to the nursery while Hilda went to make coffee.
At four, leaving Hilda by the bedside, she went to her room and, shivering as she slipped out of her evening dress, kicked it into a corner. She put on a house dress and went back to the nursery while Hilda went to make coffee.
Not until noon could she bring herself to look into Harold's room, but when she did it was to find him awake and staring very miserably at the ceiling. He turned blood-shot hollow eyes upon her. For a minute she hated him, couldn't speak. A husky voice came from the bed.
Not until noon could she bring herself to look into Harold's room, but when she did, she found him awake and staring sadly at the ceiling. He turned bloodshot, hollow eyes toward her. For a minute, she hated him and couldn't say a word. A hoarse voice came from the bed.
"What time is it?"
"What's the time?"
"Noon."
"Noon"
"I made a damn fool——"
"I made a total fool——"
"It doesn't matter," she said sharply. "Julie's got blood-poisoning. They may"—she choked over the words—"they think she'll have to lose her hand."
"It doesn't matter," she said sharply. "Julie's got blood poisoning. They may"—she choked on the words—"they think she'll have to lose her hand."
"What?"
"Wait, what?"
"She cut herself on that—that bowl."
"She cut herself on that bowl."
"Last night?"
"Last night?"
"Oh, what does it matter?" see cried; "she's got blood-poisoning. Can't you hear?" He looked at her bewildered—sat half-way up in bed.
"Oh, what does it matter?" she cried; "she's got blood poisoning. Can't you hear?" He looked at her, confused—sitting halfway up in bed.
"I'll get dressed," he said.
"I'll get ready," he said.
Her anger subsided and a great wave of weariness and pity for him rolled over her. After all, it was his trouble, too.
Her anger faded, and a deep sense of exhaustion and sympathy for him washed over her. After all, it was his problem, too.
"Yes," she answered listlessly, "I suppose you'd better."
"Yeah," she replied tiredly, "I guess you should."
IV
If Evylyn's beauty had hesitated an her early thirties it came to an abrupt decision just afterward and completely left her. A tentative outlay of wrinkles on her face suddenly deepened and flesh collected rapidly on her legs and hips and arms. Her mannerism of drawing her brows together had become an expression—it was habitual when she was reading or speaking and even while she slept. She was forty-six.
If Evylyn's beauty had started to fade in her early thirties, it made a sudden choice right after and completely vanished. The faint lines on her face quickly deepened, and weight accumulated rapidly on her legs, hips, and arms. Her habit of furrowing her brows had turned into a permanent expression—it was something she did while reading, speaking, and even while sleeping. She was forty-six.
As in most families whose fortunes have gone down rather than up, she and Harold had drifted into a colorless antagonism. In repose they looked at each other with the toleration they might have felt for broken old chairs; Evylyn worried a little when he was sick and did her best to be cheerful under the wearying depression of living with a disappointed man.
As in most families where things have gotten worse instead of better, she and Harold had fallen into a dull rivalry. When they were just sitting around, they regarded each other with the kind of tolerance you might have for worn-out old chairs; Evylyn felt a bit concerned when he was ill and tried her best to stay upbeat despite the exhausting gloom of living with a man who had unfulfilled expectations.
Family bridge was over for the evening and she sighed with relief. She had made more mistakes than usual this evening and she didn't care. Irene shouldn't have made that remark about the infantry being particularly dangerous. There had been no letter for three weeks now, and, while this was nothing out of the ordinary, it never failed to make her nervous; naturally she hadn't known how many clubs were out.
Family bridge was done for the evening, and she breathed a sigh of relief. She had made more mistakes than usual tonight, but she didn't care. Irene shouldn’t have said that the infantry was particularly dangerous. There hadn’t been a letter for three weeks now, and while that wasn’t unusual, it always made her anxious; of course, she didn’t know how many clubs were out.
Harold had gone up-stairs, so she stepped out on the porch for a breath of fresh air. There was a bright glamour of moonlight diffusing on the sidewalks and lawns, and with a little half yawn, half laugh, she remembered one long moonlight affair of her youth. It was astonishing to think that life had once been the sum of her current love-affairs. It was now the sum of her current problems.
Harold had gone upstairs, so she stepped out onto the porch for some fresh air. The moonlight cast a bright glow over the sidewalks and lawns, and with a little half yawn, half laugh, she recalled one long moonlit romance from her youth. It was surprising to think that life had once just been about her current love affairs. Now it was all about her current problems.
There was the problem of Julie—Julie was thirteen, and lately she was growing more and more sensitive about her deformity and preferred to stay always in her room reading. A few years before she had been frightened at the idea of going to school, and Evylyn could not bring herself to send her, so she grew up in her mother's shadow, a pitiful little figure with the artificial hand that she made no attempt to use but kept forlornly in her pocket. Lately she had been taking lessons in using it because Evylyn had feared she would cease to lift the arm altogether, but after the lessons, unless she made a move with it in listless obedience to her mother, the little hand would creep back to the pocket of her dress. For a while her dresses were made without pockets, but Julie had moped around the house so miserably at a loss all one month that Evylyn weakened and never tried the experiment again.
There was the issue with Julie—Julie was thirteen, and lately she had become increasingly sensitive about her deformity and preferred to stay in her room reading all the time. A few years earlier, she had been scared at the thought of going to school, and Evylyn couldn’t bear to send her, so she grew up in her mother’s shadow, a sad little figure with the artificial hand that she made no effort to use but kept sadly in her pocket. Recently, she had been taking lessons to use it because Evylyn worried she would stop moving her arm altogether, but after the lessons, unless she moved it in a half-hearted attempt to obey her mother, the little hand would sneak back into the pocket of her dress. For a while, her dresses were made without pockets, but Julie sulked around the house so unhappily without it for a whole month that Evylyn gave in and never tried that plan again.
The problem of Donald had been different from the start. She had attempted vainly to keep him near her as she had tried to teach Julie to lean less on her—lately the problem of Donald had been snatched out of her hands; his division had been abroad for three months.
The issue with Donald was different right from the beginning. She had tried unsuccessfully to keep him close while teaching Julie to rely less on her—recently, the situation with Donald had been taken out of her control; his unit had been overseas for three months.
She yawned again—life was a thing for youth. What a happy youth she must have had! She remembered her pony, Bijou, and the trip to Europe with her mother when she was eighteen——
She yawned again—life was meant for the young. What a joyful youth she must have had! She recalled her pony, Bijou, and the trip to Europe with her mom when she was eighteen—
"Very, very complicated," she said aloud and severely to the moon, and, stepping inside, was about to close the door when she heard a noise in the library and started.
"Really, really complicated," she said out loud and seriously to the moon, and as she stepped inside, she was about to close the door when she heard a noise in the library and jumped.
It was Martha, the middle-aged servant: they kept only one now.
It was Martha, the middle-aged maid: they only had one left now.
"Why, Martha!" she said in surprise.
"Wow, Martha!" she exclaimed in surprise.
Martha turned quickly.
Martha spun around.
"Oh, I thought you was up-stairs. I was jist——"
"Oh, I thought you were upstairs. I was just——"
"Is anything the matter?"
"Is something wrong?"
Martha hesitated.
Martha was unsure.
"No; I——" She stood there fidgeting. "It was a letter, Mrs. Piper, that I put somewhere.
"No; I——" She stood there fidgeting. "It was a letter, Mrs. Piper, that I put somewhere.
"A letter? Your own letter?" asked Evylyn.
"A letter? Your own letter?" asked Evylyn.
"No, it was to you. 'Twas this afternoon, Mrs. Piper, in the last mail. The postman give it to me and then the back door-bell rang. I had it in my hand, so I must have stuck it somewhere. I thought I'd just slip in now and find it."
"No, it was meant for you. It was this afternoon, Mrs. Piper, in the last delivery. The postman gave it to me, and then the back doorbell rang. I had it in my hand, so I must have put it somewhere. I thought I’d just come in now and find it."
"What sort of a letter? From Mr. Donald?"
"What kind of letter? From Mr. Donald?"
"No, it was an advertisement, maybe, or a business letter. It was a long narrow one, I remember."
"No, it was an ad, maybe, or a business letter. I remember it being long and narrow."
They began a search through the music-room, looking on trays and mantelpieces, and then through the library, feeling on the tops of rows of books. Martha paused in despair.
They started searching the music room, checking trays and mantelpieces, and then moved on to the library, feeling along the tops of the rows of books. Martha stopped, feeling hopeless.
"I can't think where. I went straight to the kitchen. The dining-room, maybe." She started hopefully for the dining-room, but turned suddenly at the sound of a gasp behind her. Evylyn had sat down heavily in a Morris chair, her brows drawn very close together eyes blanking furiously.
"I can't remember where. I went straight to the kitchen. The dining room, maybe." She started hopefully toward the dining room but suddenly turned at the sound of a gasp behind her. Evylyn had sat down heavily in a Morris chair, her brows furrowed tightly together, her eyes blank and furious.
"Are you sick?"
"Are you feeling unwell?"
For a minute there was no answer. Evylyn sat there very still and Martha could see the very quick rise and fall of her bosom.
For a moment, there was no response. Evylyn sat perfectly still, and Martha could see the rapid rise and fall of her chest.
"Are you sick?" she repeated.
"Are you feeling sick?" she repeated.
"No," said Evylyn slowly, "but I know where the letter is. Go 'way, Martha. I know."
"No," Evylyn said slowly, "but I know where the letter is. Go away, Martha. I know."
Wonderingly, Martha withdrew, and still Evylyn sat there, only the muscles around her eyes moving—contracting and relaxing and contracting again. She knew now where the letter was—she knew as well as if she had put it there herself. And she felt instinctively and unquestionably what the letter was. It was long and narrow like an advertisement, but up in the corner in large letters it said "War Department" and, in smaller letters below, "Official Business." She knew it lay there in the big bowl with her name in ink on the outside and her soul's death within.
Wondering, Martha stepped back, while Evylyn remained seated, her eye muscles only moving—tightening and relaxing, then tightening again. She now knew exactly where the letter was—she felt as sure as if she had placed it there herself. And she instinctively understood what the letter contained. It was long and narrow like an advertisement, but in the corner, it boldly read "War Department," with "Official Business" printed in smaller letters below. She knew it rested in the big bowl with her name inked on the outside and the death of her spirit inside.
Rising uncertainly, she walked toward the dining-room, feeling her way along the bookcases and through the doorway. After a moment she found the light and switched it on.
Rising hesitantly, she walked toward the dining room, guiding herself along the bookcases and through the doorway. After a moment, she found the light and turned it on.
There was the bowl, reflecting the electric light in crimson squares edged with black and yellow squares edged with blue, ponderous and glittering, grotesquely and triumphantly ominous. She took a step forward and paused again; another step and she would see over the top and into the inside—another step and she would see an edge of white—another step—her hands fell on the rough, cold surface—
There was the bowl, reflecting the electric light in red squares outlined in black and yellow squares outlined in blue, heavy and shimmering, bizarrely and proudly threatening. She took a step forward and hesitated again; one more step and she would glimpse over the edge and into the inside—another step—her hands rested on the rough, cold surface—
In a moment she was tearing it open, fumbling with an obstinate fold, holding it before her while the typewritten page glared out and struck at her. Then it fluttered like a bird to the floor. The house that had seemed whirring, buzzing a moment since, was suddenly very quiet; a breath of air crept in through the open front door carrying the noise of a passing motor; she heard faint sounds from upstairs and then a grinding racket in the pipe behind the bookcases-her husband turning of a water-tap——
In an instant, she was ripping it open, struggling with a stubborn fold, holding it up in front of her as the typed page seemed to glare at her. Then it fluttered to the floor like a bird. The house, which had just felt lively and buzzing, was now very quiet; a breeze blew in through the open front door, bringing the sound of a passing car; she heard soft noises from upstairs and then a loud grinding noise in the pipes behind the bookcases—her husband turning off a faucet—
And in that instant it was as if this were not, after all, Donald's hour except in so far as he was a marker in the insidious contest that had gone on in sudden surges and long, listless interludes between Evylyn and this cold, malignant thing of beauty, a gift of enmity from a man whose face she had long since forgotten. With its massive, brooding passivity it lay there in the centre of her house as it had lain for years, throwing out the ice-like beams of a thousand eyes, perverse glitterings merging each into each, never aging, never changing.
And in that moment, it felt like this wasn’t really Donald's hour, except that he was a marker in the sneaky rivalry that had played out in sudden bursts and long, aimless pauses between Evelyn and this cold, sinister beauty, a gift of hostility from a man whose face she had long forgotten. With its heavy, dark stillness, it sat there in the middle of her house as it had for years, sending out icy rays from a thousand eyes, twisted glimmers blending into one another, never aging, never changing.
Evylyn sat down on the edge of the table and stared at it fascinated. It seemed to be smiling now, a very cruel smile, as if to say:
Evylyn sat on the edge of the table and looked at it with fascination. It seemed to be smiling now, a very cruel smile, as if to say:
"You see, this time I didn't have to hurt you directly. I didn't bother. You know it was I who took your son away. You know how cold I am and how hard and how beautiful, because once you were just as cold and hard and beautiful."
"You see, this time I didn’t have to hurt you directly. I didn’t even try. You know I’m the one who took your son away. You understand how cold I am and how tough and how beautiful, because at one point, you were just as cold, tough, and beautiful."
The bowl seemed suddenly to turn itself over and then to distend and swell until it became a great canopy that glittered and trembled over the room, over the house, and, as the walls melted slowly into mist, Evylyn saw that it was still moving out, out and far away from her, shutting off far horizons and suns and moons and stars except as inky blots seen faintly through it. And under it walked all the people, and the light that came through to them was refracted and twisted until shadow seamed light and light seemed shadow—until the whole panoply of the world became changed and distorted under the twinkling heaven of the bowl.
The bowl suddenly flipped over and then expanded and grew until it became a huge canopy that sparkled and shook above the room, above the house. As the walls slowly faded into mist, Evylyn saw that it was still moving out, out, and far away from her, blocking distant horizons and suns and moons and stars, except for inky splotches barely visible through it. And beneath it walked all the people, and the light that came through to them was bent and warped until shadows mingled with light and light looked like shadow—until the entire display of the world appeared changed and distorted under the shimmering sky of the bowl.
Then there came a far-away, booming voice like a low, clear bell. It came from the centre of the bowl and down the great sides to the ground and then bounced toward her eagerly.
Then a distant, booming voice echoed like a deep, clear bell. It seemed to rise from the center of the bowl, traveling down the steep sides to the ground and then bouncing toward her with excitement.
"You see, I am fate," it shouted, "and stronger than your puny plans; and I am how-things-turn-out and I am different from your little dreams, and I am the flight of time and the end of beauty and unfulfilled desire; all the accidents and imperceptions and the little minutes that shape the crucial hours are mine. I am the exception that proves no rules, the limits of your control, the condiment in the dish of life."
"You see, I am fate," it shouted, "and I'm stronger than your weak plans; I am how things unfold, and I'm different from your small dreams. I am the passage of time, the end of beauty, and unfulfilled desire; all the accidents, misunderstandings, and the fleeting moments that shape the important hours belong to me. I am the exception that proves no rules, the boundaries of your control, the seasoning in the dish of life."
The booming sound stopped; the echoes rolled away over the wide land to the edge of the bowl that bounded the world and up the great sides and back to the centre where they hummed for a moment and died. Then the great walls began slowly to bear down upon her, growing smaller and smaller, coming closer and closer as if to crush her; and as she clinched her hands and waited for the swift bruise of the cold glass, the bowl gave a sudden wrench and turned over—and lay there on the side-board, shining and inscrutable, reflecting in a hundred prisms, myriad, many-colored glints and gleams and crossings and interlaces of light.
The loud sound faded; the echoes rolled across the vast land to the edge of the bowl that framed the world and up the steep sides, then back to the center where they buzzed for a moment and vanished. Then the massive walls started to slowly close in on her, getting smaller and smaller, coming closer and closer as if to crush her; and as she clenched her hands and braced for the sharp chill of the cold glass, the bowl suddenly tipped over and lay there on the sideboard, gleaming and mysterious, reflecting a hundred different prisms, countless, colorful flashes and glimmers and entanglements of light.
The cold wind blew in again through to front door, and with a desperate, frantic energy Evylyn stretched both her arms around the bowl. She must be quick—she must be strong. She tightened her arms until they ached, tauted the thin strips of muscle under her soft flesh, and with a mighty effort raised it and held it. She felt the wind blow cold on her back where her dress had come apart from the strain of her effort, and as she felt it she turned toward it and staggered under the great weight out through the library and on toward the front door. She must be quick—she must be strong. The blood in her arms throbbed dully and her knees kept giving way under her, but the feel of the cool glass was good.
The cold wind rushed in again through the front door, and with a desperate, frantic energy, Evylyn wrapped both her arms around the bowl. She had to be quick—she had to be strong. She tightened her arms until they ached, tensing the thin strips of muscle beneath her soft skin, and with a huge effort, she lifted it and held it. She felt the cold wind on her back where her dress had pulled apart from the strain of her effort, and as she felt it, she turned toward it and staggered under the heavy weight out through the library and toward the front door. She had to be quick—she had to be strong. The blood in her arms throbbed dully, and her knees kept buckling under her, but the cool glass felt good.
Out the front door she tottered and over to the stone steps, and there, summoning every fibre of her soul and body for a last effort, swung herself half around—for a second, as she tried to loose her hold, her numb fingers clung to the rough surface, and in that second she slipped and, losing balance, toppled forward with a despairing cry, her arms still around the bowl . . . down . . .
Out the front door, she stumbled over to the stone steps. There, gathering all her strength for one last push, she swung herself halfway around—just for a moment, as she tried to let go, her numb fingers held onto the rough surface. In that moment, she lost her balance and fell forward with a desperate cry, her arms still wrapped around the bowl . . . down . . .
Over the way lights went on; far down the block the crash was heard, and pedestrians rushed up wonderingly; up-stairs a tired man awoke from the edge of sleep and a little girl whimpered in a haunted doze. And all over the moonlit sidewalk around the still, black form, hundreds of prisms and cubes and splinters of glass reflected the light in little gleams of blue, and black edged with yellow, and yellow, and crimson edged with black.
Lights came on across the street; a loud crash echoed down the block, and curious pedestrians hurried over. Upstairs, a tired man stirred from the brink of sleep, while a little girl whimpered in a restless doze. All around the moonlit sidewalk, near the still, dark figure, hundreds of prisms, cubes, and shards of glass sparkled, reflecting light in tiny glimmers of blue, black with hints of yellow, yellow, and crimson outlined in black.
Bernice Bobs Her Hair
After dark on Saturday night one could stand on the first tee of the golf-course and see the country-club windows as a yellow expanse over a very black and wavy ocean. The waves of this ocean, so to speak, were the heads of many curious caddies, a few of the more ingenious chauffeurs, the golf professional's deaf sister—and there were usually several stray, diffident waves who might have rolled inside had they so desired. This was the gallery.
After dark on Saturday night, you could stand on the first tee of the golf course and see the country club windows glowing like a yellow patch over a very dark and wavy ocean. The waves of this ocean, so to speak, were the heads of many curious caddies, a few of the more clever drivers, the golf pro's deaf sister—and there were usually several shy onlookers who might have come inside if they wanted to. This was the audience.
The balcony was inside. It consisted of the circle of wicker chairs that lined the wall of the combination clubroom and ballroom. At these Saturday-night dances it was largely feminine; a great babel of middle-aged ladies with sharp eyes and icy hearts behind lorgnettes and large bosoms. The main function of the balcony was critical, it occasionally showed grudging admiration, but never approval, for it is well known among ladies over thirty-five that when the younger set dance in the summer-time it is with the very worst intentions in the world, and if they are not bombarded with stony eyes stray couples will dance weird barbaric interludes in the corners, and the more popular, more dangerous, girls will sometimes be kissed in the parked limousines of unsuspecting dowagers.
The balcony was indoors. It was made up of a circle of wicker chairs lining the wall of the combined clubroom and ballroom. At these Saturday night dances, the atmosphere was mostly female; a loud crowd of middle-aged women with sharp eyes and cold hearts behind lorgnettes and ample bosoms. The balcony played a critical role; it occasionally showed reluctant admiration, but never approval. It's well understood among ladies over thirty-five that when the younger crowd dances in the summer, they do so with the worst intentions possible. If they aren’t met with icy glares, random couples might dance weird, wild routines in the corners, and the more popular, riskier girls might end up being kissed in the parked limousines of unsuspecting elderly women.
But, after all, this critical circle is not close enough to the stage to see the actors' faces and catch the subtler byplay. It can only frown and lean, ask questions and make satisfactory deductions from its set of postulates, such as the one which states that every young man with a large income leads the life of a hunted partridge. It never really appreciates the drama of the shifting, semi-cruel world of adolescence. No; boxes, orchestra-circle, principals, and chorus be represented by the medley of faces and voices that sway to the plaintive African rhythm of Dyer's dance orchestra.
But, after all, this critical group isn't close enough to the stage to see the actors' faces and catch the subtler interactions. It can only frown and lean, ask questions, and make tidy conclusions based on its set beliefs, like the idea that every young man with a large income lives like a hunted partridge. It never really understands the complexities of the often unforgiving world of adolescence. No; the boxes, orchestra circle, leads, and chorus are represented by the mix of faces and voices that sway to the mournful African rhythm of Dyer's dance orchestra.
From sixteen-year-old Otis Ormonde, who has two more years at Hill School, to G. Reece Stoddard, over whose bureau at home hangs a Harvard law diploma; from little Madeleine Hogue, whose hair still feels strange and uncomfortable on top of her head, to Bessie MacRae, who has been the life of the party a little too long—more than ten years—the medley is not only the centre of the stage but contains the only people capable of getting an unobstructed view of it.
From sixteen-year-old Otis Ormonde, who has two more years at Hill School, to G. Reece Stoddard, whose Harvard law diploma hangs over his desk at home; from little Madeleine Hogue, whose hair still feels weird and uncomfortable on her head, to Bessie MacRae, who has been the life of the party for a bit too long—over ten years—the mix is not just the center of attention but includes the only people who can get a clear view of it.
With a flourish and a bang the music stops. The couples exchange artificial, effortless smiles, facetiously repeat "la-de-da-da dum-dum," and then the clatter of young feminine voices soars over the burst of clapping.
With a flourish and a bang, the music stops. The couples exchange forced, effortless smiles, jokingly repeat "la-de-da-da dum-dum," and then the chatter of young women's voices rises above the sound of clapping.
A few disappointed stags caught in midfloor as they had been about to cut in subsided listlessly back to the walls, because this was not like the riotous Christmas dances—these summer hops were considered just pleasantly warm and exciting, where even the younger marrieds rose and performed ancient waltzes and terrifying fox trots to the tolerant amusement of their younger brothers and sisters.
A few disappointed guys stuck in the middle of the floor, ready to join in, drifted back to the walls, feeling deflated. This wasn't like the wild Christmas dances—these summer hops were just a bit warm and fun, where even the younger married couples got up to do old waltzes and nerve-wracking fox trots, much to the amused tolerance of their younger siblings.
Warren McIntyre, who casually attended Yale, being one of the unfortunate stags, felt in his dinner-coat pocket for a cigarette and strolled out onto the wide, semidark veranda, where couples were scattered at tables, filling the lantern-hung night with vague words and hazy laughter. He nodded here and there at the less absorbed and as he passed each couple some half-forgotten fragment of a story played in his mind, for it was not a large city and every one was Who's Who to every one else's past. There, for example, were Jim Strain and Ethel Demorest, who had been privately engaged for three years. Every one knew that as soon as Jim managed to hold a job for more than two months she would marry him. Yet how bored they both looked, and how wearily Ethel regarded Jim sometimes, as if she wondered why she had trained the vines of her affection on such a wind-shaken poplar.
Warren McIntyre, who casually attended Yale and was one of the unlucky bachelors, reached into his dinner jacket pocket for a cigarette and stepped out onto the spacious, dimly lit veranda. Couples were scattered around tables, filling the lantern-lit night with soft conversation and light laughter. He nodded to a few of the less engrossed couples, and as he passed each pair, a half-forgotten story flickered in his mind, since it wasn't a large city and everyone had some connection to everyone else's past. For instance, there were Jim Strain and Ethel Demorest, who had been privately engaged for three years. Everyone knew that as soon as Jim could keep a job for more than two months, she would marry him. Yet, they both looked so bored, and sometimes Ethel regarded Jim wearily, as if she was questioning why she had devoted her feelings to such an unpredictable guy.
Warren was nineteen and rather pitying with those of his friends who hadn't gone East to college. But, like most boys, he bragged tremendously about the girls of his city when he was away from it. There was Genevieve Ormonde, who regularly made the rounds of dances, house-parties, and football games at Princeton, Yale, Williams, and Cornell; there was black-eyed Roberta Dillon, who was quite as famous to her own generation as Hiram Johnson or Ty Cobb; and, of course, there was Marjorie Harvey, who besides having a fairylike face and a dazzling, bewildering tongue was already justly celebrated for having turned five cart-wheels in succession during the last pump-and-slipper dance at New Haven.
Warren was nineteen and felt sorry for his friends who hadn’t gone to college on the East Coast. But, like most guys, he bragged a lot about the girls from his hometown when he was away. There was Genevieve Ormonde, who always showed up at dances, house parties, and football games at Princeton, Yale, Williams, and Cornell; then there was the dark-eyed Roberta Dillon, who was as famous among her peers as Hiram Johnson or Ty Cobb; and of course, there was Marjorie Harvey, who, besides having a fairy-like face and a dazzling, captivating personality, was already well-known for doing five cartwheels in a row at the last pump-and-slipper dance in New Haven.
Warren, who had grown up across the street from Marjorie, had long been "crazy about her." Sometimes she seemed to reciprocate his feeling with a faint gratitude, but she had tried him by her infallible test and informed him gravely that she did not love him. Her test was that when she was away from him she forgot him and had affairs with other boys. Warren found this discouraging, especially as Marjorie had been making little trips all summer, and for the first two or three days after each arrival home he saw great heaps of mail on the Harveys' hall table addressed to her in various masculine handwritings. To make matters worse, all during the month of August she had been visited by her cousin Bernice from Eau Claire, and it seemed impossible to see her alone. It was always necessary to hunt round and find some one to take care of Bernice. As August waned this was becoming more and more difficult.
Warren, who had grown up across the street from Marjorie, had long been "crazy about her." Sometimes she seemed to feel the same way, showing a hint of gratitude, but she had put him through her ultimate test and told him seriously that she didn't love him. Her test was simple: when she was away from him, she forgot about him and dated other guys. Warren found this disheartening, especially since Marjorie had been taking little trips all summer, and for the first two or three days after each time she returned home, he noticed piles of mail on the Harveys' hall table addressed to her in different guys' handwriting. To make things worse, all throughout August, her cousin Bernice had been visiting from Eau Claire, and it seemed impossible to hang out with Marjorie alone. It was always necessary to find someone to look after Bernice, and as August went on, it was getting increasingly difficult.
Much as Warren worshipped Marjorie he had to admit that Cousin Bernice was sorta dopeless. She was pretty, with dark hair and high color, but she was no fun on a party. Every Saturday night he danced a long arduous duty dance with her to please Marjorie, but he had never been anything but bored in her company.
Much as Warren admired Marjorie, he had to admit that Cousin Bernice was kind of a downer. She was pretty, with dark hair and a nice complexion, but she wasn’t fun at parties. Every Saturday night, he had to endure a long, tiring dance with her to please Marjorie, but he was always bored when he was with her.
"Warren"——a soft voice at his elbow broke in upon his thoughts, and he turned to see Marjorie, flushed and radiant as usual. She laid a hand on his shoulder and a glow settled almost imperceptibly over him.
"Warren"—a gentle voice beside him interrupted his thoughts, and he turned to see Marjorie, glowing and vibrant as always. She rested a hand on his shoulder, and a warmth enveloped him almost imperceptibly.
"Warren," she whispered "do something for me—dance with Bernice. She's been stuck with little Otis Ormonde for almost an hour."
"Warren," she whispered, "do me a favor—dance with Bernice. She's been stuck with little Otis Ormonde for almost an hour."
Warren's glow faded.
Warren's light dimmed.
"Why—sure," he answered half-heartedly.
"Sure," he replied half-heartedly.
"You don't mind, do you? I'll see that you don't get stuck."
"You don’t mind, right? I’ll make sure you don’t get stuck."
"'Sall right."
"Sounds good."
Marjorie smiled—that smile that was thanks enough.
Marjorie smiled—a smile that was all the thanks needed.
"You're an angel, and I'm obliged loads."
"You're amazing, and I'm really grateful."
With a sigh the angel glanced round the veranda, but Bernice and Otis were not in sight. He wandered back inside, and there in front of the women's dressing-room he found Otis in the centre of a group of young men who were convulsed with laughter. Otis was brandishing a piece of timber he had picked up, and discoursing volubly.
With a sigh, the angel looked around the porch, but Bernice and Otis weren’t anywhere to be seen. He wandered back inside, and there in front of the women’s dressing room, he found Otis surrounded by a group of young men who were laughing uncontrollably. Otis was waving around a piece of wood he had picked up and talking animatedly.
"She's gone in to fix her hair," he announced wildly. "I'm waiting to dance another hour with her."
"She went in to fix her hair," he said excitedly. "I can't wait to dance with her for another hour."
Their laughter was renewed.
They laughed again.
"Why don't some of you cut in?" cried Otis resentfully. "She likes more variety."
"Why don't some of you jump in?" Otis said bitterly. "She likes more variety."
"Why, Otis," suggested a friend "you've just barely got used to her."
"Why, Otis," a friend suggested, "you've only just started getting used to her."
"Why the two-by-four, Otis?" inquired Warren, smiling.
"Why the two-by-four, Otis?" asked Warren with a smile.
"The two-by-four? Oh, this? This is a club. When she comes out I'll hit her on the head and knock her in again."
"The two-by-four? Oh, this? It's a club. When she comes out, I'll hit her on the head and push her back in."
Warren collapsed on a settee and howled with glee.
Warren plopped down on a couch and laughed with joy.
"Never mind, Otis," he articulated finally. "I'm relieving you this time."
"Forget it, Otis," he said finally. "I'm letting you off the hook this time."
Otis simulated a sudden fainting attack and handed the stick to Warren.
Otis pretended to faint and gave the stick to Warren.
"If you need it, old man," he said hoarsely.
"If you need it, old man," he said in a raspy voice.
No matter how beautiful or brilliant a girl may be, the reputation of not being frequently cut in on makes her position at a dance unfortunate. Perhaps boys prefer her company to that of the butterflies with whom they dance a dozen times an but, youth in this jazz-nourished generation is temperamentally restless, and the idea of fox-trotting more than one full fox trot with the same girl is distasteful, not to say odious. When it comes to several dances and the intermissions between she can be quite sure that a young man, once relieved, will never tread on her wayward toes again.
No matter how beautiful or talented a girl might be, the reputation of not being frequently asked to dance puts her in a tough spot at a dance. Maybe guys actually prefer her company to that of the flirty girls they dance with multiple times, but in this jazz-driven generation, young people can be restless and the idea of dancing more than one full fox trot with the same girl is unappealing, if not downright unpleasant. When it comes to several dances and the breaks in between, she can be pretty sure that once a guy has had his turn, he won't be stepping on her toes again.
Warren danced the next full dance with Bernice, and finally, thankful for the intermission, he led her to a table on the veranda. There was a moment's silence while she did unimpressive things with her fan.
Warren danced the next complete dance with Bernice, and finally, relieved for the break, he took her to a table on the veranda. There was a brief silence while she fidgeted with her fan.
"It's hotter here than in Eau Claire," she said.
"It's hotter here than in Eau Claire," she said.
Warren stifled a sigh and nodded. It might be for all he knew or cared. He wondered idly whether she was a poor conversationalist because she got no attention or got no attention because she was a poor conversationalist.
Warren stifled a sigh and nodded. It could be true, and he didn't really care. He wondered casually if she was a bad talker because she received no attention or if she got no attention because she was a bad talker.
"You going to be here much longer?" he asked and then turned rather red. She might suspect his reasons for asking.
"Are you going to be here much longer?" he asked, then turned a bit red. She might guess why he was asking.
"Another week," she answered, and stared at him as if to lunge at his next remark when it left his lips.
"Another week," she said, staring at him as if ready to pounce on his next comment the moment it came out.
Warren fidgeted. Then with a sudden charitable impulse he decided to try part of his line on her. He turned and looked at her eyes.
Warren fidgeted. Then, with a sudden generous impulse, he decided to try a bit of his pitch on her. He turned and looked into her eyes.
"You've got an awfully kissable mouth," he began quietly.
"You have a really kissable mouth," he started softly.
This was a remark that he sometimes made to girls at college proms when they were talking in just such half dark as this. Bernice distinctly jumped. She turned an ungraceful red and became clumsy with her fan. No one had ever made such a remark to her before.
This was a comment he sometimes made to girls at college dances when they were chatting in just this kind of dim light. Bernice noticeably flinched. She turned a deep red and fumbled awkwardly with her fan. No one had ever said something like that to her before.
"Fresh!"——the word had slipped out before she realized it, and she bit her lip. Too late she decided to be amused, and offered him a flustered smile.
"Fresh!"—the word had slipped out before she realized it, and she bit her lip. Too late she decided to be amused and gave him a flustered smile.
Warren was annoyed. Though not accustomed to have that remark taken seriously, still it usually provoked a laugh or a paragraph of sentimental banter. And he hated to be called fresh, except in a joking way. His charitable impulse died and he switched the topic.
Warren was irritated. Although he wasn't used to having that comment taken seriously, it usually got a laugh or some light-hearted teasing. He really disliked being called fresh, unless it was in a joking manner. His goodwill faded, and he changed the subject.
"Jim Strain and Ethel Demorest sitting out as usual," he commented.
"Jim Strain and Ethel Demorest are sitting out as usual," he said.
This was more in Bernice's line, but a faint regret mingled with her relief as the subject changed. Men did not talk to her about kissable mouths, but she knew that they talked in some such way to other girls.
This was more Bernice's style, but a slight regret mixed with her relief as the topic shifted. Men didn’t discuss kissable lips with her, but she understood they talked that way to other girls.
"Oh, yes," she said, and laughed. "I hear they've been mooning around for years without a red penny. Isn't it silly?"
"Oh, yes," she said, laughing. "I hear they've been hanging around for years with no money at all. Isn't that ridiculous?"
Warren's disgust increased. Jim Strain was a close friend of his brother's, and anyway he considered it bad form to sneer at people for not having money. But Bernice had had no intention of sneering. She was merely nervous.
Warren's disgust grew. Jim Strain was a good friend of his brother's, and he thought it was classless to mock people for being poor. But Bernice hadn't meant to mock at all. She was just anxious.
II
When Marjorie and Bernice reached home at half after midnight they said good night at the top of the stairs. Though cousins, they were not intimates. As a matter of fact Marjorie had no female intimates—she considered girls stupid. Bernice on the contrary all through this parent-arranged visit had rather longed to exchange those confidences flavored with giggles and tears that she considered an indispensable factor in all feminine intercourse. But in this respect she found Marjorie rather cold; felt somehow the same difficulty in talking to her that she had in talking to men. Marjorie never giggled, was never frightened, seldom embarrassed, and in fact had very few of the qualities which Bernice considered appropriately and blessedly feminine.
When Marjorie and Bernice got home around 12:30 AM, they said goodnight at the top of the stairs. Even though they were cousins, they weren't close. In fact, Marjorie didn't have any close female friends—she thought girls were silly. Bernice, on the other hand, had really wished to share those secrets mixed with laughter and tears that she saw as essential to all female friendships during this parent-arranged visit. However, she found Marjorie pretty distant; she felt the same awkwardness talking to her that she did when talking to guys. Marjorie never laughed at silly things, was never scared, rarely got embarrassed, and honestly had very few of the traits that Bernice saw as properly and wonderfully feminine.
As Bernice busied herself with tooth-brush and paste this night she wondered for the hundredth time why she never had any attention when she was away from home. That her family were the wealthiest in Eau Claire; that her mother entertained tremendously, gave little diners for her daughter before all dances and bought her a car of her own to drive round in, never occurred to her as factors in her home-town social success. Like most girls she had been brought up on the warm milk prepared by Annie Fellows Johnston and on novels in which the female was beloved because of certain mysterious womanly qualities, always mentioned but never displayed.
As Bernice brushed her teeth that night, she wondered for the hundredth time why she never attracted any attention when she was away from home. The fact that her family was the wealthiest in Eau Claire, that her mother hosted extravagant gatherings, held small dinners for her before all the dances, and even bought her a car to drive around in never crossed her mind as reasons for her social success in her hometown. Like most girls, she had grown up on the comforting stories by Annie Fellows Johnston and novels where the female lead was adored because of certain mysterious qualities that were always mentioned but never shown.
Bernice felt a vague pain that she was not at present engaged in being popular. She did not know that had it not been for Marjorie's campaigning she would have danced the entire evening with one man; but she knew that even in Eau Claire other girls with less position and less pulchritude were given a much bigger rush. She attributed this to something subtly unscrupulous in those girls. It had never worried her, and if it had her mother would have assured her that the other girls cheapened themselves and that men really respected girls like Bernice.
Bernice felt a vague sense of discomfort about not being popular at the moment. She didn’t realize that without Marjorie's efforts, she would have spent the whole evening dancing with just one guy; but she did know that even in Eau Claire, other girls with less status and less attractiveness were getting a lot more attention. She thought this was because of something subtly dishonest in those girls. It had never bothered her, and if it had, her mother would have told her that those other girls were making themselves less valuable and that guys actually respected girls like Bernice.
She turned out the light in her bathroom, and on an impulse decided to go in and chat for a moment with her aunt Josephine, whose light was still on. Her soft slippers bore her noiselessly down the carpeted hall, but hearing voices inside she stopped near the partly openers door. Then she caught her own name, and without any definite intention of eavesdropping lingered—and the thread of the conversation going on inside pierced her consciousness sharply as if it had been drawn through with a needle.
She turned off the light in her bathroom and, on a whim, decided to go in and talk for a moment with her Aunt Josephine, whose light was still on. Her soft slippers carried her silently down the carpeted hallway, but when she heard voices inside, she paused near the partly open door. Then she caught her own name, and without any real intention of eavesdropping, she lingered— and the thread of the conversation happening inside struck her consciousness sharply as if it had been threaded through with a needle.
"She's absolutely hopeless!" It was Marjorie's voice. "Oh, I know what you're going to say! So many people have told you how pretty and sweet she is, and how she can cook! What of it? She has a bum time. Men don't like her."
"She's completely useless!" It was Marjorie's voice. "Oh, I know what you're going to say! So many people have told you how pretty and nice she is, and how she can cook! So what? She's having a rough time. Guys don't like her."
"What's a little cheap popularity?"
"What's a bit of cheap clout?"
Mrs. Harvey sounded annoyed.
Mrs. Harvey sounded frustrated.
"It's everything when you're eighteen," said Marjorie emphatically. "I've done my best. I've been polite and I've made men dance with her, but they just won't stand being bored. When I think of that gorgeous coloring wasted on such a ninny, and think what Martha Carey could do with it—oh!"
"It's everything when you're eighteen," Marjorie said passionately. "I've done my best. I've been nice, and I've made guys dance with her, but they just can't handle being bored. When I think of that beautiful looks wasted on such a fool, and consider what Martha Carey could do with it—oh!"
"There's no courtesy these days."
"There's no courtesy anymore."
Mrs. Harvey's voice implied that modern situations were too much for her. When she was a girl all young ladies who belonged to nice families had glorious times.
Mrs. Harvey's voice suggested that modern situations were overwhelming for her. When she was a girl, all young ladies from good families had wonderful times.
"Well," said Marjorie, "no girl can permanently bolster up a lame-duck visitor, because these days it's every girl for herself. I've even tried to drop hints about clothes and things, and she's been furious—given me the funniest looks. She's sensitive enough to know she's not getting away with much, but I'll bet she consoles herself by thinking that she's very virtuous and that I'm too gay and fickle and will come to a bad end. All unpopular girls think that way. Sour grapes! Sarah Hopkins refers to Genevieve and Roberta and me as gardenia girls! I'll bet she'd give ten years of her life and her European education to be a gardenia girl and have three or four men in love with her and be cut in on every few feet at dances."
"Well," Marjorie said, "no girl can keep a lame-duck visitor around for long because nowadays it's every girl for herself. I've even tried to drop hints about clothes and stuff, and she got really mad—gave me the weirdest looks. She's sensitive enough to realize she’s not fooling anyone, but I bet she comforts herself by thinking she's really virtuous and that I'm too carefree and fickle and will end up in trouble. All unpopular girls think that way. Sour grapes! Sarah Hopkins calls Genevieve, Roberta, and me ‘gardenia girls!’ I’m sure she’d trade ten years of her life and her European education to be a gardenia girl, have three or four guys in love with her, and get asked to dance every few minutes."
"It seems to me," interrupted Mrs. Harvey rather wearily, "that you ought to be able to do something for Bernice. I know she's not very vivacious."
"It seems to me," interrupted Mrs. Harvey somewhat tiredly, "that you should be able to do something for Bernice. I know she’s not very lively."
Marjorie groaned.
Marjorie sighed.
"Vivacious! Good grief! I've never heard her say anything to a boy except that it's hot or the floor's crowded or that she's going to school in New York next year. Sometimes she asks them what kind of car they have and tells them the kind she has. Thrilling!"
"Full of life! Wow! I've never heard her say anything to a guy other than that it's hot, the place is packed, or that she's heading to school in New York next year. Sometimes she asks what kind of car they drive and mentions the one she has. Exciting!"
There was a short silence and then Mrs. Harvey took up her refrain:
There was a brief pause, and then Mrs. Harvey started her routine again:
"All I know is that other girls not half so sweet and attractive get partners. Martha Carey, for instance, is stout and loud, and her mother is distinctly common. Roberta Dillon is so thin this year that she looks as though Arizona were the place for her. She's dancing herself to death."
"All I know is that other girls, not nearly as sweet and attractive, are getting partners. Martha Carey, for example, is plump and loud, and her mom is definitely ordinary. Roberta Dillon is so skinny this year that she looks like she belongs in Arizona. She's dancing herself into exhaustion."
"But, mother," objected Marjorie impatiently, "Martha is cheerful and awfully witty and an awfully slick girl, and Roberta's a marvellous dancer. She's been popular for ages!"
"But, Mom," Marjorie replied impatiently, "Martha is fun, super clever, and really smooth, and Roberta is an amazing dancer. She's been popular for a long time!"
Mrs. Harvey yawned.
Mrs. Harvey yawned.
"I think it's that crazy Indian blood in Bernice," continued Marjorie. "Maybe she's a reversion to type. Indian women all just sat round and never said anything."
"I think it's that wild Indian blood in Bernice," Marjorie went on. "Maybe she's a throwback. Indian women would just sit around and never say anything."
"Go to bed, you silly child," laughed Mrs. Harvey. "I wouldn't have told you that if I'd thought you were going to remember it. And I think most of your ideas are perfectly idiotic," she finished sleepily.
"Go to bed, you silly kid," laughed Mrs. Harvey. "I wouldn't have told you that if I thought you were actually going to remember it. And I think most of your ideas are completely ridiculous," she finished drowsily.
There was another silence, while Marjorie considered whether or not convincing her mother was worth the trouble. People over forty can seldom be permanently convinced of anything. At eighteen our convictions are hills from which we look; at forty-five they are caves in which we hide.
There was another silence as Marjorie thought about whether convincing her mom was worth the effort. People over forty can rarely be permanently persuaded of anything. At eighteen, our beliefs are like hills from which we see; at forty-five, they're like caves where we hide.
Having decided this, Marjorie said good night. When she came out into the hall it was quite empty.
Having made that decision, Marjorie said goodnight. When she stepped into the hall, it was completely empty.
III
While Marjorie was breakfasting late next day Bernice came into the room with a rather formal good morning, sat down opposite, stared intently over and slightly moistened her lips.
While Marjorie was having breakfast late the next day, Bernice walked into the room with a rather formal "good morning," sat down across from her, stared intently, and slightly moistened her lips.
"What's on your mind?" inquired Marjorie, rather puzzled.
"What's on your mind?" Marjorie asked, feeling quite puzzled.
Bernice paused before she threw her hand-grenade.
Bernice hesitated before she tossed her grenade.
"I heard what you said about me to your mother last night."
"I heard what you said about me to your mom last night."
Marjorie was startled, but she showed only a faintly heightened color and her voice was quite even when she spoke.
Marjorie was surprised, but she only flushed slightly and her voice was steady when she spoke.
"Where were you?"
"Where were you at?"
"In the hall. I didn't mean to listen—at first."
"In the hall. I didn't intend to listen—at first."
After an involuntary look of contempt Marjorie dropped her eyes and became very interested in balancing a stray corn-flake on her finger.
After a reluctant look of disdain, Marjorie lowered her eyes and became very focused on balancing a stray cornflake on her finger.
"I guess I'd better go back to Eau Claire—if I'm such a nuisance." Bernice's lower lip was trembling violently and she continued on a wavering note: "I've tried to be nice, and—and I've been first neglected and then insulted. No one ever visited me and got such treatment."
"I guess I'd better head back to Eau Claire—if I'm such a bother." Bernice's lower lip was shaking uncontrollably, and she went on in a shaky voice: "I've tried to be nice, and—and I've been first ignored and then disrespected. No one ever came to visit me and treated me like this."
Marjorie was silent.
Marjorie said nothing.
"But I'm in the way, I see. I'm a drag on you. Your friends don't like me." She paused, and then remembered another one of her grievances. "Of course I was furious last week when you tried to hint to me that that dress was unbecoming. Don't you think I know how to dress myself?"
"But I get it, I'm in the way. I'm holding you back. Your friends don’t like me." She paused, then recalled another one of her complaints. "I was so mad last week when you tried to suggest that dress wasn’t flattering. Don’t you think I know how to dress myself?"
"No," murmured less than half-aloud.
"No," murmured softly.
"What?"
"What’s up?"
"I didn't hint anything," said Marjorie succinctly. "I said, as I remember, that it was better to wear a becoming dress three times straight than to alternate it with two frights."
"I didn't imply anything," Marjorie said clearly. "I stated, as I recall, that it was better to wear a flattering dress three times in a row than to switch it out for two ugly ones."
"Do you think that was a very nice thing to say?"
"Do you really think that was a nice thing to say?"
"I wasn't trying to be nice." Then after a pause: "When do you want to go?"
"I wasn't trying to be nice." Then after a pause: "When do you want to go?"
Bernice drew in her breath sharply.
Bernice inhaled sharply.
"Oh!" It was a little half-cry.
"Oh!" It was a slight gasp.
Marjorie looked up in surprise.
Marjorie looked up, surprised.
"Didn't you say you were going?"
"Didn’t you say you were going?"
"Yes, but——"
"Yes, but—"
"Oh, you were only bluffing!"
"Oh, you were just bluffing!"
They stared at each other across the breakfast-table for a moment. Misty waves were passing before Bernice's eyes, while Marjorie's face wore that rather hard expression that she used when slightly intoxicated undergraduate's were making love to her.
They looked at each other across the breakfast table for a moment. Misty waves danced in front of Bernice's eyes, while Marjorie's face had that somewhat cold look she often had when tipsy college students were trying to charm her.
"So you were bluffing," she repeated as if it were what she might have expected.
"So you were just pretending," she said, as if that was what she had anticipated.
Bernice admitted it by bursting into tears. Marjorie's eyes showed boredom.
Bernice confessed it by breaking down in tears. Marjorie's eyes reflected boredom.
"You're my cousin," sobbed Bernice. "I'm v-v-visiting you. I was to stay a month, and if I go home my mother will know and she'll wah-wonder——"
"You're my cousin," cried Bernice. "I'm v-v-visiting you. I was supposed to stay a month, and if I go home my mom will find out and she'll wah-wonder——"
Marjorie waited until the shower of broken words collapsed into little sniffles.
Marjorie waited until the stream of fragmented words turned into quiet sniffles.
"I'll give you my month's allowance," she said coldly, "and you can spend this last week anywhere you want. There's a very nice hotel——"
"I'll give you my month's allowance," she said coldly, "and you can spend this last week wherever you want. There's a really nice hotel——"
Bernice's sobs rose to a flute note, and rising of a sudden she fled from the room.
Bernice's sobs turned into a high-pitched wail, and suddenly she got up and ran out of the room.
An hour later, while Marjorie was in the library absorbed in composing one of those non-committal marvelously elusive letters that only a young girl can write, Bernice reappeared, very red-eyed, and consciously calm. She cast no glance at Marjorie but took a book at random from the shelf and sat down as if to read. Marjorie seemed absorbed in her letter and continued writing. When the clock showed noon Bernice closed her book with a snap.
An hour later, while Marjorie was in the library focused on writing one of those wonderfully vague letters that only a young girl can pull off, Bernice came back, her eyes very red and deliberately calm. She didn’t look at Marjorie but randomly picked a book from the shelf and sat down as if to read. Marjorie appeared engrossed in her letter and kept writing. When the clock struck noon, Bernice closed her book with a snap.
"I suppose I'd better get my railroad ticket."
"I guess I should go get my train ticket."
This was not the beginning of the speech she had rehearsed up-stairs, but as Marjorie was not getting her cues—wasn't urging her to be reasonable; it's an a mistake—it was the best opening she could muster.
This wasn’t the start of the speech she had practiced upstairs, but since Marjorie wasn’t giving her the cues—wasn’t pushing her to be sensible; it’s a mistake—it was the best opening she could come up with.
"Just wait till I finish this letter," said Marjorie without looking round. "I want to get it off in the next mail."
"Just wait until I finish this letter," Marjorie said without looking around. "I want to send it out in the next mail."
After another minute, during which her pen scratched busily, she turned round and relaxed with an air of "at your service." Again Bernice had to speak.
After another minute, during which her pen was busy writing, she turned around and relaxed with a vibe of "how can I help you?" Once more, Bernice had to say something.
"Do you want me to go home?"
"Do you want me to go home?"
"Well," said Marjorie, considering, "I suppose if you're not having a good time you'd better go. No use being miserable."
"Well," Marjorie said, thinking it over, "I guess if you're not having a good time, you should leave. There's no point in being unhappy."
"Don't you think common kindness——"
"Don't you think kindness—"
"Oh, please don't quote 'Little Women'!" cried Marjorie impatiently. "That's out of style."
"Oh, please don't quote 'Little Women'!" Marjorie exclaimed, clearly annoyed. "That's so outdated."
"You think so?"
"Is that what you think?"
"Heavens, yes! What modern girl could live like those inane females?"
"Heavens, yes! What modern girl could live like those silly women?"
"They were the models for our mothers."
"They were the role models for our moms."
Marjorie laughed.
Marjorie chuckled.
"Yes, they were—not! Besides, our mothers were all very well in their way, but they know very little about their daughters' problems."
"Yes, they were—not! Plus, our moms were all okay in their own way, but they don’t really understand their daughters' issues."
Bernice drew herself up.
Bernice straightened up.
"Please don't talk about my mother."
"Please don't talk about my mom."
Marjorie laughed.
Marjorie chuckled.
"I don't think I mentioned her."
"I don't think I brought her up."
Bernice felt that she was being led away from her subject.
Bernice felt like she was being steered away from her topic.
"Do you think you've treated me very well?"
"Do you think you've treated me really well?"
"I've done my best. You're rather hard material to work with."
"I've tried my hardest. You're pretty tough to deal with."
The lids of Bernice's eyes reddened.
The lids of Bernice's eyes turned red.
"I think you're hard and selfish, and you haven't a feminine quality in you."
"I think you're tough and selfish, and you don't have any feminine qualities."
"Oh, my Lord!" cried Marjorie in desperation "You little nut! Girls like you are responsible for all the tiresome colorless marriages; all those ghastly inefficiencies that pass as feminine qualities. What a blow it must be when a man with imagination marries the beautiful bundle of clothes that he's been building ideals round, and finds that she's just a weak, whining, cowardly mass of affectations!"
"Oh my God!" Marjorie exclaimed in frustration. "You little nut! Girls like you are to blame for all the dull, lifeless marriages; all those awful shortcomings that are seen as feminine traits. It must be such a shock when a man with vision marries the gorgeous image he's created in his mind, only to discover that she's just a weak, whiny, cowardly bunch of pretenses!"
Bernice's mouth had slipped half open.
Bernice's mouth was slightly ajar.
"The womanly woman!" continued Marjorie. "Her whole early life is occupied in whining criticisms of girls like me who really do have a good time."
"The feminine woman!" Marjorie continued. "Her entire early life is spent complaining about girls like me who actually enjoy themselves."
Bernice's jaw descended farther as Marjorie's voice rose.
Bernice's jaw dropped further as Marjorie's voice got louder.
"There's some excuse for an ugly girl whining. If I'd been irretrievably ugly I'd never have forgiven my parents for bringing me into the world. But you're starting life without any handicap—" Marjorie's little fist clinched, "If you expect me to weep with you you'll be disappointed. Go or stay, just as you like." And picking up her letters she left the room.
"There's some reason for an unattractive girl to complain. If I had been stuck being ugly, I would have never forgiven my parents for bringing me into this world. But you're starting life without any disadvantages—" Marjorie's little fist tightened, "If you think I'll cry with you, you'll be let down. Go or stay, it's up to you." And picking up her letters, she left the room.
Bernice claimed a headache and failed to appear at luncheon. They had a matinée date for the afternoon, but the headache persisting, Marjorie made explanation to a not very downcast boy. But when she returned late in the afternoon she found Bernice with a strangely set face waiting for her in her bedroom.
Bernice said she had a headache and didn't show up for lunch. They had plans to go to a matinee in the afternoon, but since the headache lingered, Marjorie explained to a boy who didn't seem too upset. However, when she came back late in the afternoon, she found Bernice with a strangely expressionless face waiting for her in her bedroom.
"I've decided," began Bernice without preliminaries, "that maybe you're right about things—possibly not. But if you'll tell me why your friends aren't—aren't interested in me I'll see if I can do what you want me to."
"I've decided," Bernice started directly, "that maybe you're right about some things—maybe not. But if you tell me why your friends aren’t—aren't interested in me, I'll see if I can do what you want."
Marjorie was at the mirror shaking down her hair.
Marjorie was at the mirror letting her hair down.
"Do you mean it?"
"Are you serious?"
"Yes."
"Yeah."
"Without reservations? Will you do exactly what I say?"
"Without any doubts? Will you do exactly what I say?"
"Well, I——"
"Well, I—"
"Well nothing! Will you do exactly as I say?"
"Well, nothing! Will you do exactly what I say?"
"If they're sensible things."
"If they're smart things."
"They're not! You're no case for sensible things."
"They're not! You're not a good fit for sensible things."
"Are you going to make—to recommend——"
"Are you going to make a recommendation——"
"Yes, everything. If I tell you to take boxing-lessons you'll have to do it. Write home and tell your mother you're going' to stay another two weeks.
"Yes, everything. If I tell you to take boxing lessons, you'll have to do it. Write home and let your mom know you're going to stay another two weeks."
"If you'll tell me——"
"If you tell me——"
"All right—I'll just give you a few examples now. First you have no ease of manner. Why? Because you're never sure about your personal appearance. When a girl feels that she's perfectly groomed and dressed she can forget that part of her. That's charm. The more parts of yourself you can afford to forget the more charm you have."
"Okay—I'll just give you a few examples now. First, you lack confidence. Why? Because you’re never certain about how you look. When a girl feels that she’s perfectly put together, she can stop worrying about that part of herself. That’s charm. The more aspects of yourself you can comfortably ignore, the more charm you have."
"Don't I look all right?"
"Don't I look good?"
"No; for instance you never take care of your eyebrows. They're black and lustrous, but by leaving them straggly they're a blemish. They'd be beautiful if you'd take care of them in one-tenth the time you take doing nothing. You're going to brush them so that they'll grow straight."
"No; for example, you never take care of your eyebrows. They're dark and shiny, but by leaving them messy, they're a flaw. They'd look great if you spent even a fraction of the time on them that you do doing nothing. You're going to groom them so they grow straight."
Bernice raised the brows in question.
Bernice raised her eyebrows in question.
"Do you mean to say that men notice eyebrows?"
"Are you saying that guys notice eyebrows?"
"Yes—subconsciously. And when you go home you ought to have your teeth straightened a little. It's almost imperceptible, still——"
"Yeah—subconsciously. And when you get home, you should probably get your teeth straightened a bit. It’s hardly noticeable, but still——"
"But I thought," interrupted Bernice in bewilderment, "that you despised little dainty feminine things like that."
"But I thought," interrupted Bernice, feeling confused, "that you hated those delicate feminine things like that."
"I hate dainty minds," answered Marjorie. "But a girl has to be dainty in person. If she looks like a million dollars she can talk about Russia, ping-pong, or the League of Nations and get away with it."
"I can't stand delicate minds," Marjorie replied. "But a girl has to be delicate in appearance. If she looks fabulous, she can talk about Russia, ping-pong, or the League of Nations and people will overlook it."
"What else?"
"What else is there?"
"Oh, I'm just beginning! There's your dancing."
"Oh, I'm just getting started! There’s your dancing."
"Don't I dance all right?"
"Don't I dance well?"
"No, you don't—you lean on a man; yes, you do—ever so slightly. I noticed it when we were dancing together yesterday. And you dance standing up straight instead of bending over a little. Probably some old lady on the side-line once told you that you looked so dignified that way. But except with a very small girl it's much harder on the man, and he's the one that counts."
"No, you don’t—you rely on a guy; yes, you do—just a little bit. I saw it when we were dancing together yesterday. And you dance upright instead of bending a bit. Some old lady on the sidelines probably told you that you looked so dignified that way. But unless it’s with a really tiny girl, it’s much tougher on the guy, and he’s the one who matters."
"Go on." Bernice's brain was reeling.
"Go ahead." Bernice's mind was spinning.
"Well, you've got to learn to be nice to men who are sad birds. You look as if you'd been insulted whenever you're thrown with any except the most popular boys. Why, Bernice, I'm cut in on every few feet—and who does most of it? Why, those very sad birds. No girl can afford to neglect them. They're the big part of any crowd. Young boys too shy to talk are the very best conversational practice. Clumsy boys are the best dancing practice. If you can follow them and yet look graceful you can follow a baby tank across a barb-wire sky-scraper."
"Well, you need to learn to be nice to guys who are down. You seem like you’ve been offended every time you're with anyone other than the most popular boys. Honestly, Bernice, I get interrupted every few minutes—and guess who does most of it? Those very sad guys. No girl can afford to ignore them. They’re a big part of any group. Young boys who are too shy to talk are the best practice for conversation. Awkward boys are the best practice for dancing. If you can keep up with them and still look graceful, you can handle anything."
Bernice sighed profoundly, but Marjorie was not through.
Bernice sighed deeply, but Marjorie wasn't done yet.
"If you go to a dance and really amuse, say, three sad birds that dance with you; if you talk so well to them that they forget they're stuck with you, you've done something. They'll come back next time, and gradually so many sad birds will dance with you that the attractive boys will see there's no danger of being stuck—then they'll dance with you."
"If you go to a dance and really entertain, say, three unhappy people who join you; if you engage them so well that they forget they're with you, you've accomplished something. They'll return next time, and gradually, so many unhappy people will dance with you that the attractive guys will notice there's no risk of being stuck—then they'll join in too."
"Yes," agreed Bernice faintly. "I think I begin to see."
"Yeah," Bernice agreed softly. "I think I’m starting to get it."
"And finally," concluded Marjorie, "poise and charm will just come. You'll wake up some morning knowing you've attained it and men will know it too."
"And finally," Marjorie concluded, "you'll find that poise and charm will just come to you. One morning you'll wake up realizing you've got it, and men will see it too."
Bernice rose.
Bernice got up.
"It's been awfully kind of you—but nobody's ever talked to me like this before, and I feel sort of startled."
"It's really nice of you—but no one has ever spoken to me like this before, and I feel a bit shocked."
Marjorie made no answer but gazed pensively at her own image in the mirror.
Marjorie didn’t respond but stared thoughtfully at her reflection in the mirror.
"You're a peach to help me," continued Bernice.
"You're so kind to help me," continued Bernice.
Still Marjorie did not answer, and Bernice thought she had seemed too grateful.
Still, Marjorie didn’t reply, and Bernice worried she had come off as too grateful.
"I know you don't like sentiment," she said timidly.
"I know you don't like mushy stuff," she said shyly.
Marjorie turned to her quickly.
Marjorie turned to her fast.
"Oh, I wasn't thinking about that. I was considering whether we hadn't better bob your hair."
"Oh, I wasn't thinking about that. I was wondering if we should cut your hair."
Bernice collapsed backward upon the bed.
Bernice fell back onto the bed.
IV
On the following Wednesday evening there was a dinner-dance at the country club. When the guests strolled in Bernice found her place-card with a slight feeling of irritation. Though at her right sat G. Reece Stoddard, a most desirable and distinguished young bachelor, the all-important left held only Charley Paulson. Charley lacked height, beauty, and social shrewdness, and in her new enlightenment Bernice decided that his only qualification to be her partner was that he had never been stuck with her. But this feeling of irritation left with the last of the soup-plates, and Marjorie's specific instruction came to her. Swallowing her pride she turned to Charley Paulson and plunged.
On the following Wednesday evening, there was a dinner dance at the country club. As the guests arrived, Bernice found her place card and felt a bit irritated. Even though G. Reece Stoddard, a very desirable and distinguished young bachelor, sat on her right, the all-important seat on her left was occupied by Charley Paulson. Charley didn’t have height, looks, or social skills, and with her new perspective, Bernice decided that his only qualification to be her partner was the fact that he had never been stuck with her. But this irritation faded away with the last of the soup plates, and Marjorie’s specific instructions came back to her. Swallowing her pride, she turned to Charley Paulson and took the plunge.
"Do you think I ought to bob my hair, Mr. Charley Paulson?"
"Do you think I should cut my hair, Mr. Charley Paulson?"
Charley looked up in surprise.
Charley looked up, surprised.
"Why?"
"Why?"
"Because I'm considering it. It's such a sure and easy way of attracting attention."
"Because I'm thinking about it. It's such a guaranteed and simple way to grab attention."
Charley smiled pleasantly. He could not know this had been rehearsed. He replied that he didn't know much about bobbed hair. But Bernice was there to tell him.
Charley smiled happily. He had no idea this had been practiced. He said he didn't know much about bobbed hair. But Bernice was there to explain it to him.
"I want to be a society vampire, you see," she announced coolly, and went on to inform him that bobbed hair was the necessary prelude. She added that she wanted to ask his advice, because she had heard he was so critical about girls.
"I want to be a society vampire, you know," she said casually, and continued to tell him that having a bob was an essential first step. She added that she wanted to get his opinion, since she had heard he was quite picky about girls.
Charley, who knew as much about the psychology of women as he did of the mental states of Buddhist contemplatives, felt vaguely flattered.
Charley, who understood about as much of women's psychology as he did about the mental states of Buddhist meditators, felt somewhat flattered.
"So I've decided," she continued, her voice rising slightly, "that early next week I'm going down to the Sevier Hotel barber-shop, sit in the first chair, and get my hair bobbed." She faltered noticing that the people near her had paused in their conversation and were listening; but after a confused second Marjorie's coaching told, and she finished her paragraph to the vicinity at large. "Of course I'm charging admission, but if you'll all come down and encourage me I'll issue passes for the inside seats."
"So I've decided," she continued, her voice getting a bit louder, "that early next week I'm going to the Sevier Hotel barbershop, sit in the first chair, and get my hair bobbed." She hesitated, noticing that the people around her had stopped talking and were listening; but after a moment of confusion, Marjorie's coaching kicked in, and she completed her thought for everyone nearby. "Of course, I'm charging admission, but if you all come down and cheer me on, I'll give out passes for the best seats."
There was a ripple of appreciative laughter, and under cover of it G. Reece Stoddard leaned over quickly and said close to her ear: "I'll take a box right now."
There was a wave of appreciative laughter, and taking advantage of it, G. Reece Stoddard leaned in quickly and said close to her ear: "I'll get a box right now."
She met his eyes and smiled as if he had said something surprisingly brilliant.
She looked into his eyes and smiled as if he had said something really clever.
"Do you believe in bobbed hair?" asked G. Reece in the same undertone.
"Do you believe in bobbed hair?" G. Reece asked in the same quiet tone.
"I think it's unmoral," affirmed Bernice gravely. "But, of course, you've either got to amuse people or feed 'em or shock 'em." Marjorie had culled this from Oscar Wilde. It was greeted with a ripple of laughter from the men and a series of quick, intent looks from the girls. And then as though she had said nothing of wit or moment Bernice turned again to Charley and spoke confidentially in his ear.
"I think it's immoral," Bernice said seriously. "But, you know, you either have to entertain people, feed them, or shock them." Marjorie had gotten this from Oscar Wilde. The guys laughed lightly, and the girls shot her a series of quick, focused glances. Then, as if she hadn't said anything clever or important, Bernice turned back to Charley and whispered confidentially in his ear.
"I want to ask you your opinion of several people. I imagine you're a wonderful judge of character."
"I'd like to get your thoughts on a few people. I bet you have a great sense of character."
Charley thrilled faintly—paid her a subtle compliment by overturning her water.
Charley felt a slight thrill—offered her a subtle compliment by spilling her water.
Two hours later, while Warren McIntyre was standing passively in the stag line abstractedly watching the dancers and wondering whither and with whom Marjorie had disappeared, an unrelated perception began to creep slowly upon him—a perception that Bernice, cousin to Marjorie, had been cut in on several times in the past five minutes. He closed his eyes, opened them and looked again. Several minutes back she had been dancing with a visiting boy, a matter easily accounted for; a visiting boy would know no better. But now she was dancing with some one else, and there was Charley Paulson headed for her with enthusiastic determination in his eye. Funny—Charley seldom danced with more than three girls an evening.
Two hours later, while Warren McIntyre stood passively in the line, distractedly watching the dancers and wondering where Marjorie had gone and who she was with, a different realization started to creep in—he noticed that Bernice, Marjorie’s cousin, had been pulled into a few dances in the last five minutes. He closed his eyes, opened them again, and looked. Just a few minutes earlier, she had been dancing with a visiting guy, which made sense; someone from out of town wouldn’t know any better. But now she was dancing with someone else, and Charley Paulson was making his way toward her with a determined look in his eyes. It was odd—Charley usually didn’t dance with more than three girls in a night.
Warren was distinctly surprised when—the exchange having been effected—the man relieved proved to be none ether than G. Reece Stoddard himself. And G. Reece seemed not at all jubilant at being relieved. Next time Bernice danced near, Warren regarded her intently. Yes, she was pretty, distinctly pretty; and to-night her face seemed really vivacious. She had that look that no woman, however histrionically proficient, can successfully counterfeit—she looked as if she were having a good time. He liked the way she had her hair arranged, wondered if it was brilliantine that made it glisten so. And that dress was becoming—a dark red that set off her shadowy eyes and high coloring. He remembered that he had thought her pretty when she first came to town, before he had realized that she was dull. Too bad she was dull—dull girls unbearable—certainly pretty though.
Warren was clearly surprised when, after the exchange was made, the person who stepped forward turned out to be none other than G. Reece Stoddard himself. And G. Reece didn’t seem at all happy about being relieved. The next time Bernice danced nearby, Warren looked at her closely. Yes, she was pretty, definitely pretty; and tonight her face seemed genuinely lively. She had that spark that no woman, no matter how good an actress she is, can fake—she looked like she was having a great time. He liked the way she styled her hair and wondered if it was some kind of product that made it shine like that. And that dress was flattering—a dark red that highlighted her deep eyes and bright complexion. He recalled thinking she was pretty when she first arrived in town, before he realized she was boring. Too bad she was boring—dull girls are unbearable—definitely pretty, though.
His thoughts zigzagged back to Marjorie. This disappearance would be like other disappearances. When she reappeared he would demand where she had been—would be told emphatically that it was none of his business. What a pity she was so sure of him! She basked in the knowledge that no other girl in town interested him; she defied him to fall in love with Genevieve or Roberta.
His thoughts raced back to Marjorie. This disappearance would be just like the others. When she finally showed up again, he would ask her where she had been—only to be told in no uncertain terms that it was none of his business. What a shame she was so confident about him! She reveled in the fact that no other girl in town caught his eye; she challenged him to fall for Genevieve or Roberta.
Warren sighed. The way to Marjorie's affections was a labyrinth indeed. He looked up. Bernice was again dancing with the visiting boy. Half unconsciously he took a step out from the stag line in her direction, and hesitated. Then he said to himself that it was charity. He walked toward her—collided suddenly with G. Reece Stoddard.
Warren sighed. The path to Marjorie's heart was truly a maze. He looked up. Bernice was once again dancing with the visiting guy. Almost without thinking, he stepped out of the line of guys toward her and hesitated. Then he reminded himself that it was an act of kindness. He walked over to her—only to bump into G. Reece Stoddard.
"Pardon me," said Warren.
"Excuse me," said Warren.
But G. Reece had not stopped to apologize. He had again cut in on Bernice.
But G. Reece didn't take a moment to apologize. He once again interrupted Bernice.
That night at one o'clock Marjorie, with one hand on the electric-light switch in the hall, turned to take a last look at Bernice's sparkling eyes.
That night at one o'clock, Marjorie, with one hand on the light switch in the hallway, turned to take one last look at Bernice's sparkling eyes.
"So it worked?"
"So, did it work?"
"Oh, Marjorie, yes!" cried Bernice.
"Oh, Marjorie, yes!" shouted Bernice.
"I saw you were having a gay time."
"I saw you were having a great time."
"I did! The only trouble was that about midnight I ran short of talk. I had to repeat myself—with different men of course. I hope they won't compare notes."
"I did! The only problem was that around midnight I ran out of things to say. I had to repeat myself—just with different guys, of course. I hope they don’t compare notes."
"Men don't," said Marjorie, yawning, "and it wouldn't matter if they did—they'd think you were even trickier."
"Guys don't," Marjorie said with a yawn, "and it wouldn't change anything if they did—they'd just think you were even sneakier."
She snapped out the light, and as they started up the stairs Bernice grasped the banister thankfully. For the first time in her life she had been danced tired.
She turned off the light, and as they went up the stairs, Bernice gratefully held onto the banister. For the first time in her life, she had danced until she was tired.
"You see," said Marjorie it the top of the stairs, "one man sees another man cut in and he thinks there must be something there. Well, we'll fix up some new stuff to-morrow. Good night."
"You see," said Marjorie at the top of the stairs, "one guy sees another guy jump in and thinks there must be something going on. Well, we'll come up with some new things tomorrow. Good night."
"Good night."
"Good night!"
As Bernice took down her hair she passed the evening before her in review. She had followed instructions exactly. Even when Charley Paulson cut in for the eighth time she had simulated delight and had apparently been both interested and flattered. She had not talked about the weather or Eau Claire or automobiles or her school, but had confined her conversation to me, you, and us.
As Bernice took down her hair, she reflected on the evening before. She had followed the instructions to the letter. Even when Charley Paulson interrupted for the eighth time, she pretended to be delighted and seemed genuinely interested and flattered. She didn't bring up the weather, Eau Claire, cars, or her school; instead, she kept the conversation focused on me, you, and us.
But a few minutes before she fell asleep a rebellious thought was churning drowsily in her brain—after all, it was she who had done it. Marjorie, to be sure, had given her her conversation, but then Marjorie got much of her conversation out of things she read. Bernice had bought the red dress, though she had never valued it highly before Marjorie dug it out of her trunk—and her own voice had said the words, her own lips had smiled, her own feet had danced. Marjorie nice girl—vain, though—nice evening—nice boys—like Warren—Warren—Warren—what's his name—Warren——
But just a few minutes before she fell asleep, a rebellious thought was lazily tumbling around in her mind—after all, it was her who had made it happen. Marjorie, sure, had provided her with the conversation, but then Marjorie got a lot of her chat from things she read. Bernice had bought the red dress, even though she never thought much of it until Marjorie pulled it out of her trunk—and it was her own voice that said the words, her own lips that smiled, her own feet that danced. Marjorie, nice girl—vain, though—nice evening—nice guys—like Warren—Warren—Warren—what's his name—Warren——
She fell asleep.
She dozed off.
V
To Bernice the next week was a revelation. With the feeling that people really enjoyed looking at her and listening to her came the foundation of self-confidence. Of course there were numerous mistakes at first. She did not know, for instance, that Draycott Deyo was studying for the ministry; she was unaware that he had cut in on her because he thought she was a quiet, reserved girl. Had she known these things she would not have treated him to the line which began "Hello, Shell Shock!" and continued with the bathtub story—"It takes a frightful lot of energy to fix my hair in the summer—there's so much of it—so I always fix it first and powder my face and put on my hat; then I get into the bathtub, and dress afterward. Don't you think that's the best plan?"
To Bernice, the next week was eye-opening. With the feeling that people genuinely enjoyed looking at her and listening to her came a boost in self-confidence. Of course, there were plenty of mistakes at first. She didn't know, for example, that Draycott Deyo was studying for the ministry; she was unaware that he had interrupted her because he thought she was a quiet, reserved girl. If she had known these things, she wouldn't have said to him, "Hello, Shell Shock!" and then shared the bathtub story—"It takes a lot of energy to fix my hair in the summer—there's so much of it—so I always do my hair first, then powder my face and put on my hat; then I get in the bathtub and get dressed afterward. Don’t you think that’s the best plan?"
Though Draycott Deyo was in the throes of difficulties concerning baptism by immersion and might possibly have seen a connection, it must be admitted that he did not. He considered feminine bathing an immoral subject, and gave her some of his ideas on the depravity of modern society.
Though Draycott Deyo was struggling with issues around baptism by immersion and might have seen a link, it's clear that he didn't. He regarded women's bathing as an immoral topic and shared some of his thoughts on the corruption of modern society.
But to offset that unfortunate occurrence Bernice had several signal successes to her credit. Little Otis Ormonde pleaded off from a trip East and elected instead to follow her with a puppylike devotion, to the amusement of his crowd and to the irritation of G. Reece Stoddard, several of whose afternoon calls Otis completely ruined by the disgusting tenderness of the glances he bent on Bernice. He even told her the story of the two-by-four and the dressing-room to show her how frightfully mistaken he and every one else had been in their first judgment of her. Bernice laughed off that incident with a slight sinking sensation.
But to counter that unfortunate situation, Bernice had several notable successes to her name. Little Otis Ormonde backed out of a trip East and chose instead to follow her around with a puppy-like devotion, much to the amusement of his friends and the irritation of G. Reece Stoddard, whose afternoon visits were completely ruined by the ridiculous way Otis looked at Bernice. He even shared the story of the two-by-four and the dressing room to show her how terribly wrong he and everyone else had been in their initial impression of her. Bernice laughed off that incident, but she felt a slight sinking sensation.
Of all Bernice's conversation perhaps the best known and most universally approved was the line about the bobbing of her hair.
Of all of Bernice's conversations, maybe the most famous and widely accepted was the comment about her hair bouncing.
"Oh, Bernice, when you goin' to get the hair bobbed?"
"Oh, Bernice, when are you going to get your hair cut?"
"Day after to-morrow maybe," she would reply, laughing. "Will you come and see me? Because I'm counting on you, you know."
"Maybe the day after tomorrow," she would reply, laughing. "Are you going to come see me? Because I'm counting on you, just so you know."
"Will we? You know! But you better hurry up."
"Will we? You know! But you should really hurry."
Bernice, whose tonsorial intentions were strictly dishonorable, would laugh again.
Bernice, who had no good intentions when it came to hairdressing, would laugh again.
"Pretty soon now. You'd be surprised."
"Very soon now. You'd be amazed."
But perhaps the most significant symbol of her success was the gray car of the hypercritical Warren McIntyre, parked daily in front of the Harvey house. At first the parlor-maid was distinctly startled when he asked for Bernice instead of Marjorie; after a week of it she told the cook that Miss Bernice had gotta holda Miss Marjorie's best fella.
But maybe the biggest sign of her success was the gray car of the overly critical Warren McIntyre, parked every day in front of the Harvey house. At first, the maid was clearly surprised when he asked for Bernice instead of Marjorie; after a week of this, she told the cook that Miss Bernice had snagged Miss Marjorie's best guy.
And Miss Bernice had. Perhaps it began with Warren's desire to rouse jealousy in Marjorie; perhaps it was the familiar though unrecognized strain of Marjorie in Bernice's conversation; perhaps it was both of these and something of sincere attraction besides. But somehow the collective mind of the younger set knew within a week that Marjorie's most reliable beau had made an amazing face-about and was giving an indisputable rush to Marjorie's guest. The question of the moment was how Marjorie would take it. Warren called Bernice on the 'phone twice a day, sent her notes, and they were frequently seen together in his roadster, obviously engrossed in one of those tense, significant conversations as to whether or not he was sincere.
And Miss Bernice had. Maybe it started with Warren wanting to make Marjorie jealous; maybe it was the noticeable but unrecognized hint of Marjorie in Bernice’s talk; or maybe it was a mix of both and some genuine attraction as well. But somehow, the younger crowd figured out within a week that Marjorie's most dependable guy had completely switched his attention and was clearly into Marjorie's guest. The big question was how Marjorie would react. Warren called Bernice on the phone twice a day, wrote her notes, and they were often spotted together in his car, clearly wrapped up in one of those intense, significant conversations about whether he was being sincere or not.
Marjorie on being twitted only laughed. She said she was mighty glad that Warren had at last found some one who appreciated him. So the younger set laughed, too, and guessed that Marjorie didn't care and let it go at that.
Marjorie just laughed when she was teased. She said she was really happy that Warren had finally found someone who appreciated him. The younger crowd laughed along, thinking that Marjorie didn’t mind and moved on.
One afternoon when there were only three days left of her visit Bernice was waiting in the hall for Warren, with whom she was going to a bridge party. She was in rather a blissful mood, and when Marjorie—also bound for the party—appeared beside her and began casually to adjust her hat in the mirror, Bernice was utterly unprepared for anything in the nature of a clash. Marjorie did her work very coldly and succinctly in three sentences.
One afternoon, just three days before her visit ended, Bernice was waiting in the hall for Warren, with whom she was heading to a bridge party. She felt pretty happy, and when Marjorie—who was also going to the party—showed up next to her and casually started adjusting her hat in the mirror, Bernice was completely unprepared for any kind of confrontation. Marjorie went about her task in a very cold and straightforward manner, using only three sentences.
"You may as well get Warren out of your head," she said coldly.
"You might as well forget about Warren," she said in a cold tone.
"What?" Bernice was utterly astounded.
"What?" Bernice was totally shocked.
"You may as well stop making a fool of yourself over Warren McIntyre. He doesn't care a snap of his fingers about you."
"You might as well stop embarrassing yourself over Warren McIntyre. He doesn't care at all about you."
For a tense moment they regarded each other—Marjorie scornful, aloof; Bernice astounded, half-angry, half-afraid. Then two cars drove up in front of the house and there was a riotous honking. Both of them gasped faintly, turned, and side by side hurried out.
For a tense moment, they stared at each other—Marjorie looked scornful and distant; Bernice was shocked, a mix of anger and fear. Then two cars pulled up in front of the house, honking wildly. Both of them gasped softly, turned, and rushed outside side by side.
All through the bridge party Bernice strove in vain to master a rising uneasiness. She had offended Marjorie, the sphinx of sphinxes. With the most wholesome and innocent intentions in the world she had stolen Marjorie's property. She felt suddenly and horribly guilty. After the bridge game, when they sat in an informal circle and the conversation became general, the storm gradually broke. Little Otis Ormonde inadvertently precipitated it.
All through the bridge party, Bernice struggled in vain to control a growing unease. She had upset Marjorie, the ultimate enigma. With the purest and most innocent intentions, she had taken Marjorie's belongings. She suddenly felt intensely guilty. After the bridge game, when they sat in a casual circle and the conversation became more general, the tension finally erupted. Little Otis Ormonde unintentionally triggered it.
"When you going back to kindergarten, Otis?" some one had asked.
"When are you going back to kindergarten, Otis?" someone had asked.
"Me? Day Bernice gets her hair bobbed."
"Me? The day Bernice gets her hair cut into a bob."
"Then your education's over," said Marjorie quickly. "That's only a bluff of hers. I should think you'd have realized."
"Then your education is over," Marjorie said quickly. "That's just her bluff. I would think you'd understand that by now."
"That a fact?" demanded Otis, giving Bernice a reproachful glance.
"Is that true?" Otis asked, giving Bernice a disapproving look.
Bernice's ears burned as she tried to think up an effectual come-back. In the face of this direct attack her imagination was paralyzed.
Bernice's ears felt hot as she attempted to come up with a good comeback. Faced with this direct challenge, her mind went blank.
"There's a lot of bluffs in the world," continued Marjorie quite pleasantly. "I should think you'd be young enough to know that, Otis."
"There's a lot of pretending in the world," Marjorie said with a smile. "I would think you're young enough to realize that, Otis."
"Well," said Otis, "maybe so. But gee! With a line like Bernice's——"
"Well," said Otis, "maybe. But wow! With a line like Bernice's——"
"Really?" yawned Marjorie. "What's her latest bon mot?"
"Seriously?" yawned Marjorie. "What's her latest clever remark?"
No one seemed to know. In fact, Bernice, having trifled with her muse's beau, had said nothing memorable of late.
No one seemed to know. Actually, Bernice, having flirted with her muse's boyfriend, hadn't said anything noteworthy lately.
"Was that really all a line?" asked Roberta curiously.
"Was that really just a line?" Roberta asked, intrigued.
Bernice hesitated. She felt that wit in some form was demanded of her, but under her cousin's suddenly frigid eyes she was completely incapacitated.
Bernice hesitated. She sensed that some kind of cleverness was expected from her, but under her cousin's suddenly icy gaze, she felt utterly paralyzed.
"I don't know," she stalled.
"I don't know," she hesitated.
"Splush!" said Marjorie. "Admit it!"
"Splush!" said Marjorie. "Own up!"
Bernice saw that Warren's eyes had left a ukulele he had been tinkering with and were fixed on her questioningly.
Bernice noticed that Warren's eyes had shifted from the ukulele he had been working on and were now focused on her, looking curious.
"Oh, I don't know!" she repeated steadily. Her cheeks were glowing.
"Oh, I don't know!" she said firmly. Her cheeks were flushed.
"Splush!" remarked Marjorie again.
"Splush!" Marjorie said again.
"Come through, Bernice," urged Otis. "Tell her where to get off." Bernice looked round again—she seemed unable to get away from Warren's eyes.
"Come on, Bernice," urged Otis. "Show her where to get off." Bernice looked around again—she seemed unable to escape Warren's gaze.
"I like bobbed hair," she said hurriedly, as if he had asked her a question, "and I intend to bob mine."
"I like bobbed hair," she said quickly, as if he had asked her a question, "and I plan to get mine bobbed."
"When?" demanded Marjorie.
"When?" Marjorie asked.
"Any time."
"Anytime."
"No time like the present," suggested Roberta.
"There's no time like now," suggested Roberta.
Otis jumped to his feet.
Otis jumped up.
"Good stuff!" he cried. "We'll have a summer bobbing party. Sevier Hotel barber-shop, I think you said."
"Awesome!" he shouted. "Let's have a summer pool party. Sevier Hotel barber shop, I believe you mentioned."
In an instant all were on their feet. Bernice's heart throbbed violently.
In an instant, everyone was on their feet. Bernice's heart raced wildly.
"What?" she gasped.
"What?" she exclaimed.
Out of the group came Marjorie's voice, very clear and contemptuous.
Out of the group came Marjorie's voice, very clear and scornful.
"Don't worry—she'll back out!"
"Don't worry—she'll cancel!"
"Come on, Bernice!" cried Otis, starting toward the door.
"Let's go, Bernice!" shouted Otis, moving towards the door.
Four eyes—Warren's and Marjorie's—stared at her, challenged her, defied her. For another second she wavered wildly.
Four eyes—Warren's and Marjorie's—looked at her, challenging her, defying her. For another second, she hesitated intensely.
"All right," she said swiftly "I don't care if I do."
"Okay," she said quickly, "I don't mind if I do."
An eternity of minutes later, riding down-town through the late afternoon beside Warren, the others following in Roberta's car close behind, Bernice had all the sensations of Marie Antoinette bound for the guillotine in a tumbrel. Vaguely she wondered why she did not cry out that it was all a mistake. It was all she could do to keep from clutching her hair with both bands to protect it from the suddenly hostile world. Yet she did neither. Even the thought of her mother was no deterrent now. This was the test supreme of her sportsmanship; her right to walk unchallenged in the starry heaven of popular girls.
An eternity of minutes later, riding downtown in the late afternoon next to Warren, with the others following closely behind in Roberta's car, Bernice felt like Marie Antoinette on her way to the guillotine in a cart. She vaguely wondered why she didn’t just scream that it was all a mistake. It took everything she had to stop herself from grabbing her hair to protect it from the suddenly hostile world. Yet she did neither. Even thinking about her mother didn’t deter her now. This was the ultimate test of her sportsmanship; her right to walk confidently among the popular girls.
Warren was moodily silent, and when they came to the hotel he drew up at the curb and nodded to Bernice to precede him out. Roberta's car emptied a laughing crowd into the shop, which presented two bold plate-glass windows to the street.
Warren was silently moody, and when they arrived at the hotel, he pulled up to the curb and nodded for Bernice to get out first. Roberta's car let out a cheerful group into the shop, which had two large plate-glass windows facing the street.
Bernice stood on the curb and looked at the sign, Sevier Barber-Shop. It was a guillotine indeed, and the hangman was the first barber, who, attired in a white coat and smoking a cigarette, leaned nonchalantly against the first chair. He must have heard of her; he must have been waiting all week, smoking eternal cigarettes beside that portentous, too-often-mentioned first chair. Would they blind-fold her? No, but they would tie a white cloth round her neck lest any of her blood—nonsense—hair—should get on her clothes.
Bernice stood on the curb and glanced at the sign, Sevier Barber-Shop. It was a definite killing machine, and the executioner was the first barber, who, dressed in a white coat and smoking a cigarette, leaned casually against the first chair. He must have heard of her; he must have been waiting all week, smoking countless cigarettes next to that ominous, way-too-often-talked-about first chair. Would they blindfold her? No, but they would tie a white cloth around her neck to prevent any of her blood—no, that’s silly—hair—from getting on her clothes.
"All right, Bernice," said Warren quickly.
"Alright, Bernice," Warren said quickly.
With her chin in the air she crossed the sidewalk, pushed open the swinging screen-door, and giving not a glance to the uproarious, riotous row that occupied the waiting bench, went up to the fat barber.
With her chin held high, she crossed the sidewalk, pushed open the swinging screen door, and without even glancing at the loud, chaotic group sitting on the waiting bench, walked up to the overweight barber.
"I want you to bob my hair."
"I want you to trim my hair."
The first barber's mouth slid somewhat open. His cigarette dropped to the floor.
The first barber's mouth slightly opened. His cigarette fell to the floor.
"Huh?"
"Huh?"
"My hair—bob it!"
"Cut my hair into a bob!"
Refusing further preliminaries, Bernice took her seat on high. A man in the chair next to her turned on his side and gave her a glance, half lather, half amazement. One barber started and spoiled little Willy Schuneman's monthly haircut. Mr. O'Reilly in the last chair grunted and swore musically in ancient Gaelic as a razor bit into his cheek. Two bootblacks became wide-eyed and rushed for her feet. No, Bernice didn't care for a shine.
Refusing to waste any more time, Bernice took her seat up high. The man sitting next to her turned to look at her with a mix of curiosity and surprise. One barber got distracted and messed up little Willy Schuneman's monthly haircut. Mr. O'Reilly in the last chair grunted and swore melodically in old Gaelic as the razor nicked his cheek. Two shoeshiners stared in awe and hurried over to her feet. No, Bernice didn't want a shine.
Outside a passer-by stopped and stared; a couple joined him; half a dozen small boys' nose sprang into life, flattened against the glass; and snatches of conversation borne on the summer breeze drifted in through the screen-door.
Outside, a passerby stopped and stared; a couple joined him; half a dozen small boys pressed their noses against the glass; and snippets of conversation carried on the summer breeze floated in through the screen door.
"Lookada long hair on a kid!"
"Look at that kid's long hair!"
"Where'd yuh get 'at stuff? 'At's a bearded lady he just finished shavin'."
"Where did you get that stuff? That's a bearded lady he just finished shaving."
But Bernice saw nothing, heard nothing. Her only living sense told her that this man in the white coat had removed one tortoise-shell comb and then another; that his fingers were fumbling clumsily with unfamiliar hairpins; that this hair, this wonderful hair of hers, was going—she would never again feel its long voluptuous pull as it hung in a dark-brown glory down her back. For a second she was near breaking down, and then the picture before her swam mechanically into her vision—Marjorie's mouth curling in a faint ironic smile as if to say:
But Bernice saw nothing, heard nothing. The only sense she had left told her that this guy in the white coat had taken out one tortoise-shell comb and then another; that his fingers were awkwardly fumbling with strange hairpins; that this hair, this amazing hair of hers, was disappearing—she would never again feel its long, luscious weight hanging down her back in a dark-brown glory. For a moment she was close to breaking down, and then the image in front of her came into focus—Marjorie's mouth curling into a slight, ironic smile as if to say:
"Give up and get down! You tried to buck me and I called your bluff. You see you haven't got a prayer."
"Give up and get down! You tried to resist me, and I called your bluff. You see, you don't stand a chance."
And some last energy rose up in Bernice, for she clinched her hands under the white cloth, and there was a curious narrowing of her eyes that Marjorie remarked on to some one long afterward.
And some final energy surged in Bernice as she clenched her hands under the white cloth, and Marjorie later noted a strange narrowing of her eyes to someone after a long time.
Twenty minutes later the barber swung her round to face the mirror, and she flinched at the full extent of the damage that had been wrought. Her hair was not curls and now it lay in lank lifeless blocks on both sides of her suddenly pale face. It was ugly as sin—she had known it would be ugly as sin. Her face's chief charm had been a Madonna-like simplicity. Now that was gone and she was—well frightfully mediocre—not stagy; only ridiculous, like a Greenwich Villager who had left her spectacles at home.
Twenty minutes later, the barber turned her around to face the mirror, and she recoiled at the full extent of the damage that had been done. Her hair was no longer curly; instead, it hung in flat, lifeless sections on either side of her suddenly pale face. It looked awful—she had known it would look terrible. The main appeal of her face had been a simple, Madonna-like beauty. Now that was gone, and she was—well, painfully average—not theatrical; just ridiculous, like someone from Greenwich Village who had forgotten their glasses.
As she climbed down from the chair she tried to smile—failed miserably. She saw two of the girls exchange glances; noticed Marjorie's mouth curved in attenuated mockery—and that Warren's eyes were suddenly very cold.
As she got down from the chair, she tried to smile—but it didn’t work at all. She saw two of the girls share looks; noticed Marjorie’s mouth twisted in a thinly veiled sneer—and that Warren’s eyes had suddenly gone very cold.
"You see,"—her words fell into an awkward pause—"I've done it."
"You see,"—her words trailed off awkwardly—"I've actually done it."
"Yes, you've—done it," admitted Warren.
"Yes, you’ve—done it," admitted Warren.
"Do you like it?"
"Do you like it?"
There was a half-hearted "Sure" from two or three voices, another awkward pause, and then Marjorie turned swiftly and with serpentlike intensity to Warren.
There was a lukewarm "Sure" from two or three voices, another awkward pause, and then Marjorie turned quickly and with a snake-like intensity to Warren.
"Would you mind running me down to the cleaners?" she asked. "I've simply got to get a dress there before supper. Roberta's driving right home and she can take the others."
"Can you take me to the cleaners?" she asked. "I really need to drop off a dress before dinner. Roberta's driving straight home and can take the others."
Warren stared abstractedly at some infinite speck out the window. Then for an instant his eyes rested coldly on Bernice before they turned to Marjorie.
Warren stared blankly at some tiny dot outside the window. Then, for a moment, his gaze was cold as it landed on Bernice before shifting to Marjorie.
"Be glad to," he said slowly.
"Sure," he replied slowly.
VI
Bernice did not fully realize the outrageous trap that had been set for her until she met her aunt's amazed glance just before dinner.
Bernice didn’t fully understand the ridiculous trap that had been laid for her until she caught her aunt’s surprised look just before dinner.
"Why Bernice!"
"Why, Bernice!"
"I've bobbed it, Aunt Josephine."
"I've styled it, Aunt Josephine."
"Why, child!"
"Why, kid!"
"Do you like it?"
"Do you like this?"
"Why Bernice!"
"Why, Bernice!"
"I suppose I've shocked you."
"I guess I've shocked you."
"No, but what'll Mrs. Deyo think tomorrow night? Bernice, you should have waited until after the Deyo's dance—you should have waited if you wanted to do that."
"No, but what will Mrs. Deyo think tomorrow night? Bernice, you should have waited until after the Deyo's dance—you should have waited if you wanted to do that."
"It was sudden, Aunt Josephine. Anyway, why does it matter to Mrs. Deyo particularly?"
"It was unexpected, Aunt Josephine. Anyway, why is it important to Mrs. Deyo specifically?"
"Why child," cried Mrs. Harvey, "in her paper on 'The Foibles of the Younger Generation' that she read at the last meeting of the Thursday Club she devoted fifteen minutes to bobbed hair. It's her pet abomination. And the dance is for you and Marjorie!"
"Why, child," shouted Mrs. Harvey, "in her paper on 'The Foibles of the Younger Generation' that she presented at the last Thursday Club meeting, she spent fifteen minutes talking about bobbed hair. It's her biggest pet peeve. And the dance is for you and Marjorie!"
"I'm sorry."
"I apologize."
"Oh, Bernice, what'll your mother say? She'll think I let you do it."
"Oh, Bernice, what will your mom say? She'll think I allowed you to do it."
"I'm sorry."
"Sorry."
Dinner was an agony. She had made a hasty attempt with a curling-iron, and burned her finger and much hair. She could see that her aunt was both worried and grieved, and her uncle kept saying, "Well, I'll be darned!" over and over in a hurt and faintly hostile torte. And Marjorie sat very quietly, intrenched behind a faint smile, a faintly mocking smile.
Dinner was a nightmare. She had quickly tried to use a curling iron and ended up burning her finger and a lot of her hair. She could see that her aunt was both concerned and upset, while her uncle kept repeating, "Well, I'll be darned!" in a hurt and slightly hostile tone. Marjorie sat quietly, hiding behind a slight smile, a barely mocking smile.
Somehow she got through the evening. Three boy's called; Marjorie disappeared with one of them, and Bernice made a listless unsuccessful attempt to entertain the two others—sighed thankfully as she climbed the stairs to her room at half past ten. What a day!
Somehow she made it through the evening. Three boys called; Marjorie went off with one of them, and Bernice made a half-hearted, unsuccessful attempt to entertain the other two—she sighed with relief as she climbed the stairs to her room at 10:30. What a day!
When she had undressed for the night the door opened and Marjorie came in.
When she had changed into her pajamas for the night, the door opened and Marjorie walked in.
"Bernice," she said "I'm awfully sorry about the Deyo dance. I'll give you my word of honor I'd forgotten all about it."
"Bernice," she said, "I'm really sorry about the Deyo dance. I promise I completely forgot about it."
"'Sall right," said Bernice shortly. Standing before the mirror she passed her comb slowly through her short hair.
"'It's fine," Bernice said briefly. Standing in front of the mirror, she ran her comb slowly through her short hair.
"I'll take you down-town to-morrow," continued Marjorie, "and the hairdresser'll fix it so you'll look slick. I didn't imagine you'd go through with it. I'm really mighty sorry."
"I'll take you downtown tomorrow," Marjorie continued, "and the hairdresser will make you look sharp. I didn't think you'd actually go through with it. I'm really very sorry."
"Oh, 'sall right!"
"Oh, it's all good!"
"Still it's your last night, so I suppose it won't matter much."
"Still, it’s your last night, so I guess it won’t matter much."
Then Bernice winced as Marjorie tossed her own hair over her shoulders and began to twist it slowly into two long blond braids until in her cream-colored negligée she looked like a delicate painting of some Saxon princess. Fascinated, Bernice watched the braids grow. Heavy and luxurious they were moving under the supple fingers like restive snakes—and to Bernice remained this relic and the curling-iron and a to-morrow full of eyes. She could see G. Reece Stoddard, who liked her, assuming his Harvard manner and telling his dinner partner that Bernice shouldn't have been allowed to go to the movies so much; she could see Draycott Deyo exchanging glances with his mother and then being conscientiously charitable to her. But then perhaps by to-morrow Mrs. Deyo would have heard the news; would send round an icy little note requesting that she fail to appear—and behind her back they would all laugh and know that Marjorie had made a fool of her; that her chance at beauty had been sacrificed to the jealous whim of a selfish girl. She sat down suddenly before the mirror, biting the inside of her cheek.
Then Bernice flinched as Marjorie tossed her hair over her shoulders and started to twist it slowly into two long blond braids until, in her cream-colored nightgown, she looked like a delicate painting of some Saxon princess. Fascinated, Bernice watched the braids form. They were heavy and luxurious, moving under Marjorie's soft fingers like restless snakes—and all Bernice had left was this remnant and the curling iron, along with a tomorrow full of eyes. She could imagine G. Reece Stoddard, who liked her, adopting his Harvard persona and telling his dinner partner that Bernice shouldn’t have been allowed to go to the movies so much; she could picture Draycott Deyo exchanging looks with his mother and then acting all charitable toward her. But maybe by tomorrow, Mrs. Deyo would have heard the news; she might send a cold little note asking her not to show up—and behind her back, they would all laugh, knowing Marjorie had made a fool of her; that her chance at beauty had been sacrificed to the jealous whims of a selfish girl. She suddenly sat down in front of the mirror, biting the inside of her cheek.
"I like it," she said with an effort. "I think it'll be becoming."
"I like it," she said with some struggle. "I think it will look good."
Marjorie smiled.
Marjorie grinned.
"It looks all right. For heaven's sake, don't let it worry you!"
"It looks fine. Seriously, don’t let it stress you out!"
"I won't."
"Not gonna happen."
"Good night Bernice."
"Good night, Bernice."
But as the door closed something snapped within Bernice. She sprang dynamically to her feet, clinching her hands, then swiftly and noiseless crossed over to her bed and from underneath it dragged out her suitcase. Into it she tossed toilet articles and a change of clothing, Then she turned to her trunk and quickly dumped in two drawerfulls of lingerie and stammer dresses. She moved quietly, but deadly efficiency, and in three-quarters of an hour her trunk was locked and strapped and she was fully dressed in a becoming new travelling suit that Marjorie had helped her pick out.
But as the door closed, something changed in Bernice. She jumped up energetically, clenched her hands, and then quickly and silently went to her bed to drag out her suitcase from underneath. She threw in her toiletries and a change of clothes. Then she turned to her trunk and hurriedly stuffed in two drawers' worth of lingerie and fancy dresses. She moved quietly but with deadly efficiency, and within about forty-five minutes, her trunk was locked and strapped, and she was fully dressed in a stylish new travel outfit that Marjorie had helped her choose.
Sitting down at her desk she wrote a short note to Mrs. Harvey, in which she briefly outlined her reasons for going. She sealed it, addressed it, and laid it on her pillow. She glanced at her watch. The train left at one, and she knew that if she walked down to the Marborough Hotel two blocks away she could easily get a taxicab.
Sitting down at her desk, she wrote a short note to Mrs. Harvey, briefly explaining her reasons for leaving. She sealed it, addressed it, and placed it on her pillow. She checked her watch. The train left at one, and she knew that if she walked to the Marborough Hotel two blocks away, she could easily catch a taxi.
Suddenly she drew in her breath sharply and an expression flashed into her eyes that a practiced character reader might have connected vaguely with the set look she had worn in the barber's chair—somehow a development of it. It was quite a new look for Bernice—and it carried consequences.
Suddenly, she inhaled sharply, and a look crossed her face that someone skilled at reading characters might have vaguely linked to the expression she’d had in the barber's chair—somehow an evolution of it. It was a completely new look for Bernice—and it had implications.
She went stealthily to the bureau, picked up an article that lay there, and turning out all the lights stood quietly until her eyes became accustomed to the darkness. Softly she pushed open the door to Marjorie's room. She heard the quiet, even breathing of an untroubled conscience asleep.
She quietly approached the dresser, picked up an article that was there, and, turning off all the lights, stood still until her eyes adjusted to the darkness. Gently, she pushed open the door to Marjorie's room. She heard the soft, steady breathing of a peaceful conscience sleeping.
She was by the bedside now, very deliberate and calm. She acted swiftly. Bending over she found one of the braids of Marjorie's hair, followed it up with her hand to the point nearest the head, and then holding it a little slack so that the sleeper would feel no pull, she reached down with the shears and severed it. With the pigtail in her hand she held her breath. Marjorie had muttered something in her sleep. Bernice deftly amputated the other braid, paused for an instant, and then flitted swiftly and silently back to her own room.
She was by the bedside now, very focused and calm. She moved quickly. Bending down, she found one of Marjorie’s braids, followed it up with her hand to the point closest to the head, and then holding it a little loose so the sleeper wouldn't feel any tug, she reached down with the scissors and cut it. With the pigtail in her hand, she held her breath. Marjorie had muttered something in her sleep. Bernice skillfully cut off the other braid, paused for a moment, and then quickly and silently returned to her own room.
Down-stairs she opened the big front door, closed it carefully behind her, and feeling oddly happy and exuberant stepped off the porch into the moonlight, swinging her heavy grip like a shopping-bag. After a minute's brisk walk she discovered that her left hand still held the two blond braids. She laughed unexpectedly—had to shut her mouth hard to keep from emitting an absolute peal. She was passing Warren's house now, and on the impulse she set down her baggage, and swinging the braids like piece of rope flung them at the wooden porch, where they landed with a slight thud. She laughed again, no longer restraining herself.
Downstairs, she opened the big front door, closed it carefully behind her, and feeling strangely happy and energetic, stepped off the porch into the moonlight, swinging her heavy bag like a shopping bag. After a brisk minute of walking, she noticed that her left hand was still holding the two blond braids. She laughed unexpectedly—had to clamp her mouth shut to keep from bursting into laughter. She was passing Warren's house now, and on a whim, she set down her bag, and swinging the braids like a piece of rope, tossed them onto the wooden porch, where they landed with a soft thud. She laughed again, no longer holding back.
"Huh," she giggled wildly. "Scalp the selfish thing!"
"Huh," she laughed excitedly. "Take the selfish thing down!"
Then picking up her staircase she set off at a half-run down the moonlit street.
Then grabbing her staircase, she took off at a half-run down the moonlit street.
Benediction
The Baltimore Station was hot and crowded, so Lois was forced to stand by the telegraph desk for interminable, sticky seconds while a clerk with big front teeth counted and recounted a large lady's day message, to determine whether it contained the innocuous forty-nine words or the fatal fifty-one.
The Baltimore Station was hot and crowded, so Lois had to stand by the telegraph desk for what felt like forever in the sticky heat while a clerk with big front teeth counted and recounted a large woman's message, trying to figure out if it had the harmless forty-nine words or the dangerous fifty-one.
Lois, waiting, decided she wasn't quite sure of the address, so she took the letter out of her bag and ran over it again.
Lois, waiting, realized she wasn't too sure about the address, so she took the letter out of her bag and read it again.
"Darling," it began—"I understand and I'm happier than life ever meant me to be. If I could give you the things you've always been in tune with—but I can't Lois; we can't marry and we can't lose each other and let all this glorious love end in nothing.
"Darling," it began—"I get it, and I'm happier than I've ever been. If I could give you everything you've always wanted—but I can't, Lois; we can't get married and we can't lose each other and let all this amazing love go to waste."
"Until your letter came, dear, I'd been sitting here in the half dark and thinking where I could go and ever forget you; abroad, perhaps, to drift through Italy or Spain and dream away the pain of having lost you where the crumbling ruins of older, mellower civilizations would mirror only the desolation of my heart—and then your letter came.
"Until your letter arrived, my dear, I had been sitting here in the dim light, pondering where I could go to forget you completely; maybe abroad, wandering through Italy or Spain, trying to escape the pain of losing you while the ancient, crumbling ruins of older, more peaceful civilizations reflected only the emptiness in my heart—and then your letter arrived."
"Sweetest, bravest girl, if you'll wire me I'll meet you in Wilmington—till then I'll be here just waiting and hoping for every long dream of you to come true.
"Sweetest, bravest girl, if you text me, I'll meet you in Wilmington—until then, I'll be here just waiting and hoping for every long dream of you to come true.
"Howard."
"Howard."
She had read the letter so many times that she knew it word by word, yet it still startled her. In it she found many faint reflections of the man who wrote it—the mingled sweetness and sadness in his dark eyes, the furtive, restless excitement she felt sometimes when he talked to her, his dreamy sensuousness that lulled her mind to sleep. Lois was nineteen and very romantic and curious and courageous.
She had read the letter so many times that she knew it by heart, yet it still surprised her. In it, she found many subtle reflections of the man who wrote it—the mix of sweetness and sadness in his dark eyes, the secretive, restless excitement she sometimes felt when he talked to her, his dreamy sensuality that put her mind at ease. Lois was nineteen, very romantic, curious, and bold.
The large lady and the clerk having compromised on fifty words, Lois took a blank and wrote her telegram. And there were no overtones to the finality of her decision.
The large woman and the clerk had agreed on fifty words, so Lois took a blank piece of paper and wrote her telegram. There were no second thoughts about her decision.
It's just destiny—she thought—it's just the way things work out in this damn world. If cowardice is all that's been holding me back there won't be any more holding back. So we'll just let things take their course and never be sorry.
It's just fate—she thought—it’s just how things happen in this crazy world. If fear is what's been holding me back, I won’t hold back anymore. So, let’s just let things unfold and never regret it.
The clerk scanned her telegram:
The clerk read her message:
"Arrived Baltimore today spend day with my brother meet me Wilmington three P.M. Wednesday Love
"Arrived in Baltimore today. I spent the day with my brother. Meet me in Wilmington at 3 P.M. on Wednesday. Love."
"Lois."
"Lois."
"Fifty-four cents," said the clerk admiringly.
"Fifty-four cents," said the clerk, impressed.
And never be sorry—thought Lois—and never be sorry——
And never feel regret—thought Lois—and never feel regret——
II
Trees filtering light onto dapple grass. Trees like tall, languid ladies with feather fans coquetting airily with the ugly roof of the monastery. Trees like butlers, bending courteously over placid walks and paths. Trees, trees over the hills on either side and scattering out in clumps and lines and woods all through eastern Maryland, delicate lace on the hems of many yellow fields, dark opaque backgrounds for flowered bushes or wild climbing garden.
Trees filtering light onto dappled grass. Trees like tall, graceful ladies with feather fans playfully flirting with the unattractive roof of the monastery. Trees like butlers, bending politely over calm walks and paths. Trees, trees over the hills on both sides, spreading out in clumps and lines and woods all across eastern Maryland, delicate lace along the edges of many yellow fields, dark, solid backdrops for flowering bushes or wild climbing gardens.
Some of the trees were very gay and young, but the monastery trees were older than the monastery which, by true monastic standards, wasn't very old at all. And, as a matter of fact, it wasn't technically called a monastery, but only a seminary; nevertheless it shall be a monastery here despite its Victorian architecture or its Edward VII additions, or even its Woodrow Wilsonian, patented, last-a-century roofing.
Some of the trees were really vibrant and young, but the trees around the seminary were older than the seminary itself, which, by true monastic standards, wasn’t particularly old at all. And, in fact, it wasn’t officially called a monastery, just a seminary; still, we’ll refer to it as a monastery here, regardless of its Victorian architecture, Edward VII additions, or even its Woodrow Wilson-style roofing that's meant to last a century.
Out behind was the farm where half a dozen lay brothers were sweating lustily as they moved with deadly efficiency around the vegetable-gardens. To the left, behind a row of elms, was an informal baseball diamond where three novices were being batted out by a fourth, amid great chasings and puffings and blowings. And in front as a great mellow bell boomed the half-hour a swarm of black, human leaves were blown over the checker-board of paths under the courteous trees.
Out back was the farm where half a dozen lay brothers were working hard as they moved efficiently around the vegetable gardens. To the left, behind a row of elm trees, was a makeshift baseball diamond where three novices were being hit out by a fourth, amid a lot of running and heavy breathing. And in front, as a deep, warm bell rang the half-hour, a swarm of people dressed in black moved across the checkerboard of paths beneath the gracious trees.
Some of these black leaves were very old with cheeks furrowed like the first ripples of a splashed pool. Then there was a scattering of middle-aged leaves whose forms when viewed in profile in their revealing gowns were beginning to be faintly unsymmetrical. These carried thick volumes of Thomas Aquinas and Henry James and Cardinal Mercier and Immanuel Kant and many bulging note-books filled with lecture data.
Some of these black leaves were really old, with cheeks marked like the first ripples of a splashed pool. Then there were some middle-aged leaves whose shapes, seen from the side in their revealing gowns, were starting to look slightly asymmetrical. These carried thick books by Thomas Aquinas, Henry James, Cardinal Mercier, Immanuel Kant, and many bulging notebooks filled with lecture notes.
But most numerous were the young leaves; blond boys of nineteen with very stern, conscientious expressions; men in the late twenties with a keen self-assurance from having taught out in the world for five years—several hundreds of them, from city and town and country in Maryland and Pennsylvania and Virginia and West Virginia and Delaware.
But the most numerous were the young leaves; blonde guys of nineteen with very serious, dedicated faces; men in their late twenties who exuded a strong self-confidence from having taught in the world for five years—several hundred of them, from cities and towns across Maryland, Pennsylvania, Virginia, West Virginia, and Delaware.
There were many Americans and some Irish and some tough Irish and a few French, and several Italians and Poles, and they walked informally arm in arm with each other in twos and threes or in long rows, almost universally distinguished by the straight mouth and the considerable chin—for this was the Society of Jesus, founded in Spain five hundred years before by a tough-minded soldier who trained men to hold a breach or a salon, preach a sermon or write a treaty, and do it and not argue . . .
There were a lot of Americans and some Irish, a few tough Irish, and a few French, along with several Italians and Poles. They strolled casually, arm in arm, in pairs and threes or in long lines, almost all recognizable by their straight faces and strong chins—this was the Society of Jesus, founded in Spain five hundred years earlier by a tough-minded soldier who trained men to defend a position or lead a gathering, deliver a sermon or draft a treaty, and to do it without arguing . . .
Lois got out of a bus into the sunshine down by the outer gate. She was nineteen with yellow hair and eyes that people were tactful enough not to call green. When men of talent saw her in a street-car they often furtively produced little stub-pencils and backs of envelopes and tried to sum up that profile or the thing that the eyebrows did to her eyes. Later they looked at their results and usually tore them up with wondering sighs.
Lois stepped off a bus into the sunshine at the outer gate. She was nineteen, with blonde hair and eyes that people politely didn’t call green. When talented men saw her on a streetcar, they often secretly pulled out small stub pencils and the backs of envelopes to try to capture her profile or the way her eyebrows framed her eyes. Later, they would look at what they had drawn and typically crumple them up with puzzled sighs.
Though Lois was very jauntily attired in an expensively appropriate travelling affair, she did not linger to pat out the dust which covered her clothes, but started up the central walk with curious glances at either side. Her face was very eager and expectant, yet she hadn't at all that glorified expression that girls wear when they arrive for a Senior Prom at Princeton or New Haven; still, as there were no senior proms here, perhaps it didn't matter.
Though Lois was dressed stylishly in a fancy outfit for travel, she didn’t stop to brush off the dust on her clothes; instead, she walked down the main path, glancing curiously at both sides. Her face was eager and expectant, but she didn’t have that glorified look that girls often have when they arrive at a Senior Prom at Princeton or New Haven. Still, since there were no senior proms here, maybe it didn’t matter.
She was wondering what he would look like, whether she'd possibly know him from his picture. In the picture, which hung over her mother's bureau at home, he seemed very young and hollow-cheeked and rather pitiful, with only a well-developed mouth and all ill-fitting probationer's gown to show that he had already made a momentous decision about his life. Of course he had been only nineteen then and now he was thirty-six—didn't look like that at all; in recent snap-shots he was much broader and his hair had grown a little thin—but the impression of her brother she had always retained was that of the big picture. And so she had always been a little sorry for him. What a life for a man! Seventeen years of preparation and he wasn't even a priest yet—wouldn't be for another year.
She was wondering what he would look like, if she might recognize him from his picture. In the picture that hung over her mom's dresser at home, he looked very young and hollow-cheeked, almost pitiful, with just a well-defined mouth and an ill-fitting probationer's gown to show that he had already made a significant decision about his life. Of course, he had only been nineteen then, and now he was thirty-six—didn’t look anything like that anymore; in recent snapshots, he appeared much broader and his hair had thinned a bit—but the image of her brother she always kept was that of the big picture. So, she had always felt a bit sorry for him. What a life for a man! Seventeen years of preparation and he wasn’t even a priest yet—wouldn’t be for another year.
Lois had an idea that this was all going to be rather solemn if she let it be. But she was going to give her very best imitation of undiluted sunshine, the imitation she could give even when her head was splitting or when her mother had a nervous breakdown or when she was particularly romantic and curious and courageous. This brother of hers undoubtedly needed cheering up, and he was going to be cheered up, whether he liked it or not.
Lois realized that this was going to feel pretty serious if she allowed it to be. But she was determined to show her best version of pure positivity, the kind she could muster even when she had a headache, her mom was having a meltdown, or when she was feeling especially romantic, curious, and brave. Her brother definitely needed some uplifting, and she was going to lift his spirits, whether he wanted it or not.
As she drew near the great, homely front door she saw a man break suddenly away from a group and, pulling up the skirts of his gown, run toward her. He was smiling, she noticed, and he looked very big and—and reliable. She stopped and waited, knew that her heart was beating unusually fast.
As she approached the big, plain front door, she saw a man suddenly step away from a group and, lifting the hem of his gown, hurry toward her. He was smiling, she noticed, and he seemed very big and—well—dependable. She stopped and waited, aware that her heart was racing unusually fast.
"Lois!" he cried, and in a second she was in his arms. She was suddenly trembling.
"Lois!" he yelled, and in an instant, she was in his arms. She was suddenly shaking.
"Lois!" he cried again, "why, this is wonderful! I can't tell you, Lois, how much I've looked forward to this. Why, Lois, you're beautiful!"
"Lois!" he shouted again, "wow, this is amazing! I can't tell you, Lois, how much I've been looking forward to this. Seriously, Lois, you look stunning!"
Lois gasped.
Lois was shocked.
His voice, though restrained, was vibrant with energy and that odd sort of enveloping personality she had thought that she only of the family possessed.
His voice, although calm, was full of energy and that unique kind of warm personality she thought only her family had.
"I'm mighty glad, too—Kieth."
"I'm really glad, too—Kieth."
She flushed, but not unhappily, at this first use of his name.
She blushed, but not uncomfortably, at this first mention of his name.
"Lois—Lois—Lois," he repeated in wonder. "Child, we'll go in here a minute, because I want you to meet the rector, and then we'll walk around. I have a thousand things to talk to you about."
"Lois—Lois—Lois," he said in amazement. "Come on, let’s go in here for a minute because I want you to meet the rector, and then we’ll walk around. I have so many things to talk to you about."
His voice became graver. "How's mother?"
His voice grew more serious. "How's mom?"
She looked at him for a moment and then said something that she had not intended to say at all, the very sort of thing she had resolved to avoid.
She glanced at him for a moment and then said something she hadn’t meant to say, exactly the kind of thing she had promised herself to avoid.
"Oh, Kieth—she's—she's getting worse all the time, every way."
"Oh, Kieth—she's—she's getting worse all the time, in every way."
He nodded slowly as if he understood.
He nodded slowly, as if he got it.
"Nervous, well—you can tell me about that later. Now——"
"Nervous? Well—you can tell me about that later. Now——"
She was in a small study with a large desk, saying something to a little, jovial, white-haired priest who retained her hand for some seconds.
She was in a small study with a large desk, talking to a cheerful, elderly priest with white hair who held her hand for a few seconds.
"So this is Lois!"
"So this is Lois!"
He said it as if he had heard of her for years.
He said it like he had known her for years.
He entreated her to sit down.
He urged her to sit down.
Two other priests arrived enthusiastically and shook hands with her and addressed her as "Kieth's little sister," which she found she didn't mind a bit.
Two other priests showed up excitedly, shook hands with her, and referred to her as "Kieth's little sister," which she discovered she didn't mind at all.
How assured they seemed; she had expected a certain shyness, reserve at least. There were several jokes unintelligible to her, which seemed to delight every one, and the little Father Rector referred to the trio of them as "dim old monks," which she appreciated, because of course they weren't monks at all. She had a lightning impression that they were especially fond of Kieth—the Father Rector had called him "Kieth" and one of the others had kept a hand on his shoulder all through the conversation. Then she was shaking hands again and promising to come back a little later for some ice-cream, and smiling and smiling and being rather absurdly happy . . . she told herself that it was because Kieth was so delighted in showing her off.
How confident they seemed; she had expected a bit of shyness, at least some reserve. There were several jokes she didn't understand, but everyone else seemed to love them, and the little Father Rector referred to the three of them as "dim old monks," which she found amusing since they weren't monks at all. She got the immediate sense that they really liked Kieth—the Father Rector had called him "Kieth," and one of the others had kept a hand on his shoulder the whole time they were talking. Then she was shaking hands again and promising to come back a little later for some ice cream, smiling and smiling and feeling quite absurdly happy... she told herself it was because Kieth was so thrilled to show her off.
Then she and Kieth were strolling along a path, arm in arm, and he was informing her what an absolute jewel the Father Rector was.
Then she and Kieth were walking along a path, arm in arm, and he was telling her what an absolute gem the Father Rector was.
"Lois," he broke off suddenly, "I want to tell you before we go any farther how much it means to me to have you come up here. I think it was—mighty sweet of you. I know what a gay time you've been having."
"Lois," he stopped abruptly, "I want to share with you before we go any further how much it means to me that you came up here. I think it was really sweet of you. I know you've been having a great time."
Lois gasped. She was not prepared for this. At first when she had conceived the plan of taking the hot journey down to Baltimore staying the night with a friend and then coming out to see her brother, she had felt rather consciously virtuous, hoped he wouldn't be priggish or resentful about her not having come before—but walking here with him under the trees seemed such a little thing, and surprisingly a happy thing.
Lois gasped. She wasn't prepared for this. At first, when she came up with the idea of taking the long trip to Baltimore, staying the night with a friend, and then visiting her brother, she felt kind of proudly virtuous, hoping he wouldn’t be uptight or resentful about her not coming sooner—but walking here with him under the trees felt so simple and surprisingly joyful.
"Why, Kieth," she said quickly, "you know I couldn't have waited a day longer. I saw you when I was five, but of course I didn't remember, and how could I have gone on without practically ever having seen my only brother?"
"Why, Kieth," she said quickly, "you know I couldn't have waited another day. I saw you when I was five, but of course I didn't remember, and how could I have gone on without really ever having seen my only brother?"
"It was mighty sweet of you, Lois," he repeated.
"It was really nice of you, Lois," he repeated.
Lois blushed—he did have personality.
Lois blushed—he really had personality.
"I want you to tell me all about yourself," he said after a pause. "Of course I have a general idea what you and mother did in Europe those fourteen years, and then we were all so worried, Lois, when you had pneumonia and couldn't come down with mother—let's see that was two years ago—and then, well, I've seen your name in the papers, but it's all been so unsatisfactory. I haven't known you, Lois."
"I want you to tell me everything about yourself," he said after a pause. "I have a general idea of what you and Mom did in Europe during those fourteen years, and we were all really worried, Lois, when you had pneumonia and couldn’t come down with Mom—let's see, that was two years ago—and then, well, I’ve seen your name in the news, but it’s all been so unsatisfactory. I haven't really known you, Lois."
She found herself analyzing his personality as she analyzed the personality of every man she met. She wondered if the effect of—of intimacy that he gave was bred by his constant repetition of her name. He said it as if he loved the word, as if it had an inherent meaning to him.
She found herself analyzing his personality just like she did with every guy she encountered. She wondered if the intimacy he radiated was the result of how often he repeated her name. He said it as if he adored the word, as if it meant something special to him.
"Then you were at school," he continued.
"Then you were at school," he said.
"Yes, at Farmington. Mother wanted me to go to a convent—but I didn't want to."
"Yeah, at Farmington. Mom wanted me to go to a convent—but I didn’t want to."
She cast a side glance at him to see if he would resent this.
She glanced at him out of the corner of her eye to see if he would be upset by this.
But he only nodded slowly.
But he just nodded slowly.
"Had enough convents abroad, eh?"
"Had enough convents overseas, huh?"
"Yes—and Kieth, convents are different there anyway. Here even in the nicest ones there are so many common girls."
"Yeah—and Kieth, convents are different there anyway. Here, even in the nicest ones, there are so many ordinary girls."
He nodded again.
He nodded once more.
"Yes," he agreed, "I suppose there are, and I know how you feel about it. It grated on me here, at first, Lois, though I wouldn't say that to any one but you; we're rather sensitive, you and I, to things like this."
"Yeah," he said, "I guess there are, and I get how you feel about it. It bothered me here, at first, Lois, but I wouldn't mention it to anyone else but you; we're pretty sensitive, you and I, about stuff like this."
"You mean the men here?"
"Are you talking about the guys here?"
"Yes, some of them of course were fine, the sort of men I'd always been thrown with, but there were others; a man named Regan, for instance—I hated the fellow, and now he's about the best friend I have. A wonderful character, Lois; you'll meet him later. Sort of man you'd like to have with you in a fight."
"Yeah, some of them were fine, the kind of guys I’d always been around, but there were others; there’s a guy named Regan, for example—I couldn’t stand him, and now he’s one of my closest friends. He’s a great guy, Lois; you’ll meet him later. He’s the type of person you’d want by your side in a tough situation."
Lois was thinking that Kieth was the sort of man she'd like to have with her in a fight.
Lois was thinking that Kieth was the kind of guy she'd want by her side in a fight.
"How did you—how did you first happen to do it?" she asked, rather shyly, "to come here, I mean. Of course mother told me the story about the Pullman car."
"How did you—how did you first end up doing it?" she asked, a bit shyly, "to come here, I mean. Of course, my mom told me the story about the Pullman car."
"Oh, that——" He looked rather annoyed.
"Oh, that—" He looked pretty annoyed.
"Tell me that. I'd like to hear you tell it."
"Tell me that. I want to hear you say it."
"Oh, it's nothing except what you probably know. It was evening and I'd been riding all day and thinking about—about a hundred things, Lois, and then suddenly I had a sense that some one was sitting across from me, felt that he'd been there for some time, and had a vague idea that he was another traveller. All at once he leaned over toward me and I heard a voice say: 'I want you to be a priest, that's what I want.' Well I jumped up and cried out, 'Oh, my God, not that!'—made an idiot of myself before about twenty people; you see there wasn't any one sitting there at all. A week after that I went to the Jesuit College in Philadelphia and crawled up the last flight of stairs to the rector's office on my hands and knees."
"Oh, it’s nothing much that you don't already know. It was evening, and I had been riding all day, thinking about—well, a hundred things, Lois. Then suddenly, I felt like someone was sitting across from me. I sensed he had been there for a while and had a vague idea he was another traveler. Out of nowhere, he leaned over toward me, and I heard a voice say, 'I want you to be a priest, that's what I want.' I jumped up and shouted, 'Oh, my God, not that!'—I made a fool of myself in front of about twenty people; you see, there was no one sitting there at all. A week later, I went to the Jesuit College in Philadelphia and crawled up the last flight of stairs to the rector's office on my hands and knees."
There was another silence and Lois saw that her brother's eyes wore a far-away look, that he was staring unseeingly out over the sunny fields. She was stirred by the modulations of his voice and the sudden silence that seemed to flow about him when he finished speaking.
There was another silence, and Lois noticed that her brother had a distant look in his eyes, staring blankly out at the sunny fields. She was moved by the changing tones of his voice and the sudden quiet that seemed to surround him when he stopped speaking.
She noticed now that his eyes were of the same fibre as hers, with the green left out, and that his mouth was much gentler, really, than in the picture—or was it that the face had grown up to it lately? He was getting a little bald just on top of his head. She wondered if that was from wearing a hat so much. It seemed awful for a man to grow bald and no one to care about it.
She realized now that his eyes were the same as hers, just without the green, and that his mouth was much softer than in the picture—or had his face just matured lately? He was starting to lose some hair right on top of his head. She wondered if that was because he wore a hat so often. It seemed terrible for a man to go bald and have no one to care about it.
"Were you—pious when you were young, Kieth?" she asked. "You know what I mean. Were you religious? If you don't mind these personal questions."
"Were you religious when you were younger, Kieth?" she asked. "You know what I mean. If you don't mind me asking such personal questions."
"Yes," he said with his eyes still far away—and she felt that his intense abstraction was as much a part of his personality as his attention. "Yes, I suppose I was, when I was—sober."
"Yeah," he said, his gaze still distant—and she sensed that his deep distraction was just as much a part of him as his focus. "Yeah, I guess I was, when I was—sober."
Lois thrilled slightly.
Lois felt a little excited.
"Did you drink?"
"Did you have a drink?"
He nodded.
He nodded.
"I was on the way to making a bad hash of things." He smiled and, turning his gray eyes on her, changed the subject.
"I was heading down a bad path." He smiled and, turning his gray eyes to her, changed the subject.
"Child, tell me about mother. I know it's been awfully hard for you there, lately. I know you've had to sacrifice a lot and put up with a great deal and I want you to know how fine of you I think it is. I feel, Lois, that you're sort of taking the place of both of us there."
"Child, tell me about mom. I know it’s been really tough for you lately. I know you’ve had to give up a lot and deal with so much, and I want you to understand how much I admire you for that. I feel, Lois, that you’re kind of stepping in for both of us."
Lois thought quickly how little she had sacrificed; how lately she had constantly avoided her nervous, half-invalid mother.
Lois quickly realized how little she had given up; how recently she had been avoiding her anxious, partially disabled mother.
"Youth shouldn't be sacrificed to age, Kieth," she said steadily.
"Youth shouldn't be sacrificed for age, Kieth," she said firmly.
"I know," he sighed, "and you oughtn't to have the weight on your shoulders, child. I wish I were there to help you."
"I know," he sighed, "and you shouldn't have to bear this burden, kid. I wish I could be there to help you."
She saw how quickly he had turned her remark and instantly she knew what this quality was that he gave off. He was sweet. Her thoughts went of on a side-track and then she broke the silence with an odd remark.
She noticed how quickly he had responded to her comment, and she immediately realized what quality he exuded. He was sweet. Her thoughts wandered off on a tangent, and then she broke the silence with a strange remark.
"Sweetness is hard," she said suddenly.
"Sweetness is tough," she said suddenly.
"What?"
"What’s up?"
"Nothing," she denied in confusion. "I didn't mean to speak aloud. I was thinking of something—of a conversation with a man named Freddy Kebble."
"Nothing," she said, feeling confused. "I didn't mean to say that out loud. I was thinking about something—about a conversation with a guy named Freddy Kebble."
"Maury Kebble's brother?"
"Maury Kebble's brother?"
"Yes," she said rather surprised to think of him having known Maury Kebble. Still there was nothing strange about it. "Well, he and I were talking about sweetness a few weeks ago. Oh, I don't know—I said that a man named Howard—that a man I knew was sweet, and he didn't agree with me, and we began talking about what sweetness in a man was: He kept telling me I meant a sort of soppy softness, but I knew I didn't—yet I didn't know exactly how to put it. I see now. I meant just the opposite. I suppose real sweetness is a sort of hardness—and strength."
"Yes," she said, quite surprised to realize he knew Maury Kebble. Still, it wasn’t too strange. "Well, a few weeks ago, he and I were discussing sweetness. I don’t know—I mentioned that a guy I knew named Howard was sweet, and he disagreed with me. We started talking about what sweetness in a man really means. He kept saying I meant a kind of mushy softness, but I knew I didn’t—though I couldn’t quite explain it at the time. I get it now. I meant the opposite. I guess real sweetness is a kind of toughness—and strength."
Kieth nodded.
Kieth agreed.
"I see what you mean. I've known old priests who had it."
"I get what you're saying. I've known some older priests who had it."
"I'm talking about young men," she said rather defiantly.
"I'm talking about young men," she said with a bit of defiance.
They had reached the now deserted baseball diamond and, pointing her to a wooden bench, he sprawled full length on the grass.
They had arrived at the now empty baseball field, and after showing her a wooden bench, he lay back on the grass.
"Are these young men happy here, Kieth?"
"Are these young men happy here, Kieth?"
"Don't they look happy, Lois?"
"Don't they look happy, Lois?"
"I suppose so, but those young ones, those two we just passed—have they—are they——?
"I guess so, but those young ones, those two we just walked by—have they—are they——?
"Are they signed up?" he laughed. "No, but they will be next month."
"Are they signed up?" he chuckled. "No, but they will be next month."
"Permanently?"
"Forever?"
"Yes—unless they break down mentally or physically. Of course in a discipline like ours a lot drop out."
"Yes—unless they break down mentally or physically. Of course, in a field like ours, many drop out."
"But those boys. Are they giving up fine chances outside—like you did?"
"But those boys. Are they throwing away good opportunities out there—like you did?"
He nodded.
He agreed.
"Some of them."
"Some of these."
"But Kieth, they don't know what they're doing. They haven't had any experience of what they're missing."
"But Kieth, they have no idea what they're doing. They haven't experienced what they're missing."
"No, I suppose not."
"No, I guess not."
"It doesn't seem fair. Life has just sort of scared them at first. Do they all come in so young?"
"It doesn't seem fair. Life just kind of scared them at first. Do they all come in so young?"
"No, some of them have knocked around, led pretty wild lives—Regan, for instance."
"No, some of them have been through a lot, lived pretty wild lives—like Regan, for example."
"I should think that sort would be better," she said meditatively, "men that had seen life."
"I think that kind would be better," she said thoughtfully, "men who had experienced life."
"No," said Kieth earnestly, "I'm not sure that knocking about gives a man the sort of experience he can communicate to others. Some of the broadest men I've known have been absolutely rigid about themselves. And reformed libertines are a notoriously intolerant class. Don't you thank so, Lois?"
"No," Kieth said sincerely, "I'm not convinced that messing around gives someone the kind of experience they can share with others. Some of the most well-rounded people I've met have been totally inflexible about themselves. And reformed libertines are known for being a pretty intolerant group. Don't you think so, Lois?"
She nodded, still meditative, and he continued:
She nodded, still lost in thought, and he kept going:
"It seems to me that when one weak reason goes to another, it isn't help they want; it's a sort of companionship in guilt, Lois. After you were born, when mother began to get nervous she used to go and weep with a certain Mrs. Comstock. Lord, it used to make me shiver. She said it comforted her, poor old mother. No, I don't think that to help others you've got to show yourself at all. Real help comes from a stronger person whom you respect. And their sympathy is all the bigger because it's impersonal."
"It seems to me that when one weak reason leads to another, it’s not help they’re seeking; it’s more about finding company in guilt, Lois. After you were born, when Mom started getting anxious, she would go and cry with a certain Mrs. Comstock. It used to give me the chills. She claimed it comforted her, poor Mom. No, I don’t think that to help others you have to expose yourself at all. True help comes from someone stronger whom you respect. And their sympathy is even more meaningful because it’s impersonal."
"But people want human sympathy," objected Lois. "They want to feel the other person's been tempted."
"But people want human sympathy," Lois protested. "They want to feel like the other person has faced temptation."
"Lois, in their hearts they want to feel that the other person's been weak. That's what they mean by human.
"Lois, deep down they want to believe that the other person has been weak. That’s what they mean by human."
"Here in this old monkery, Lois," he continued with a smile, "they try to get all that self-pity and pride in our own wills out of us right at the first. They put us to scrubbing floors—and other things. It's like that idea of saving your life by losing it. You see we sort of feel that the less human a man is, in your sense of human, the better servant he can be to humanity. We carry it out to the end, too. When one of us dies his family can't even have him then. He's buried here under plain wooden cross with a thousand others."
"Here in this old monastery, Lois," he said with a smile, "they try to get rid of all that self-pity and pride in our own wills right from the start. They have us scrubbing floors—and doing other tasks. It's like that idea of saving your life by giving it up. You see, we kind of believe that the less human a person is, in your sense of human, the better servant he can be to humanity. We take it all the way, too. When one of us dies, his family can't even have him then. He's buried here under a simple wooden cross with a thousand others."
His tone changed suddenly and he looked at her with a great brightness in his gray eyes.
His tone shifted abruptly, and he looked at her with a bright spark in his gray eyes.
"But way back in a man's heart there are some things he can't get rid of—an one of them is that I'm awfully in love with my little sister."
"But deep down in a man's heart, there are some things he just can't shake off—one of those things is that I'm incredibly in love with my little sister."
With a sudden impulse she knelt beside him in the grass and, Leaning over, kissed his forehead.
With a sudden urge, she knelt beside him in the grass and, leaning in, kissed his forehead.
"You're hard, Kieth," she said, "and I love you for it—and you're sweet."
"You're tough, Kieth," she said, "and I love you for that—and you're kind."
III
Back in the reception-room Lois met a half-dozen more of Kieth's particular friends; there was a young man named Jarvis, rather pale and delicate-looking, who, she knew, must be a grandson of old Mrs. Jarvis at home, and she mentally compared this ascetic with a brace of his riotous uncles.
Back in the reception room, Lois met a few more of Kieth's specific friends. There was a young guy named Jarvis, who looked kind of pale and delicate. She knew he had to be a grandson of old Mrs. Jarvis back home, and she couldn’t help but mentally compare this serious guy with two of his wild uncles.
And there was Regan with a scarred face and piercing intent eyes that followed her about the room and often rested on Kieth with something very like worship. She knew then what Kieth had meant about "a good man to have with you in a fight."
And there was Regan with a scarred face and intense, piercing eyes that tracked her around the room and often lingered on Kieth with something resembling admiration. She realized then what Kieth had meant about “a good man to have in a fight.”
He's the missionary type—she thought vaguely—China or something.
He's the missionary type—she thought lightly—maybe China or somewhere like that.
"I want Kieth's sister to show us what the shimmy is," demanded one young man with a broad grin.
"I want Kieth's sister to show us how to do the shimmy," said one guy with a big grin.
Lois laughed.
Lois chuckled.
"I'm afraid the Father Rector would send me shimmying out the gate. Besides, I'm not an expert."
"I'm worried the Father Rector would kick me out. Besides, I'm not an expert."
"I'm sure it wouldn't be best for Jimmy's soul anyway," said Kieth solemnly. "He's inclined to brood about things like shimmys. They were just starting to do the—maxixe, wasn't it, Jimmy?—when he became a monk, and it haunted him his whole first year. You'd see him when he was peeling potatoes, putting his arm around the bucket and making irreligious motions with his feet."
"I'm sure it wouldn't be good for Jimmy's soul anyway," Kieth said seriously. "He tends to get lost in thoughts about things like shimmys. They had just started doing the—maxixe, right, Jimmy?—when he became a monk, and it bothered him throughout his entire first year. You’d catch him peeling potatoes, wrapping his arm around the bucket and making inappropriate moves with his feet."
There was a general laugh in which Lois joined.
There was a collective laugh that Lois joined in on.
"An old lady who comes here to Mass sent Kieth this ice-cream," whispered Jarvis under cover of the laugh, "because she'd heard you were coming. It's pretty good, isn't it?"
"An old lady who comes here to Mass sent Kieth this ice cream," whispered Jarvis, trying to muffle his laughter, "because she heard you were coming. It's pretty good, right?"
There were tears trembling in Lois' eyes.
There were tears welling up in Lois's eyes.
IV
Then half an hour later over in the chapel things suddenly went all wrong. It was several years since Lois had been at Benediction and at first she was thrilled by the gleaming monstrance with its central spot of white, the air rich and heavy with incense, and the sun shining through the stained-glass window of St. Francis Xavier overhead and falling in warm red tracery on the cassock of the man in front of her, but at the first notes of the "O salutaris hostia" a heavy weight seemed to descend upon her soul. Kieth was on her right and young Jarvis on her left, and she stole uneasy glance at both of them.
Then half an hour later, in the chapel, everything suddenly went wrong. It had been several years since Lois had been at Benediction, and at first, she felt excited by the shining monstrance with its central white spot, the air thick with incense, and the sun streaming through the stained-glass window of St. Francis Xavier above, casting warm red patterns on the cassock of the man in front of her. But as the first notes of the "O salutaris hostia" played, a heavy weight seemed to settle on her soul. Kieth was to her right and young Jarvis was to her left, and she stole an uneasy glance at both of them.
What's the matter with me? she thought impatiently.
What's wrong with me? she thought, feeling frustrated.
She looked again. Was there a certain coldness in both their profiles, that she had not noticed before—a pallor about the mouth and a curious set expression in their eyes? She shivered slightly: they were like dead men.
She looked again. Was there a certain coldness in both their profiles that she hadn't noticed before—a paleness around the mouth and a strange, fixed expression in their eyes? She shivered slightly: they looked like dead men.
She felt her soul recede suddenly from Kieth's. This was her brother—this, this unnatural person. She caught herself in the act of a little laugh.
She felt her soul suddenly pull away from Kieth's. This was her brother—this, this unnatural person. She found herself almost laughing.
"What is the matter with me?"
"What's wrong with me?"
She passed her hand over her eyes and the weight increased. The incense sickened her and a stray, ragged note from one of the tenors in the choir grated on her ear like the shriek of a slate-pencil. She fidgeted, and raising her hand to her hair touched her forehead, found moisture on it.
She ran her hand over her eyes, and the heaviness grew. The incense made her feel nauseous, and a stray, off-key note from one of the tenors in the choir grated on her ear like the screech of a pencil on paper. She shifted in her seat, raised her hand to her hair, touched her forehead, and felt sweat on it.
"It's hot in here, hot as the deuce."
"It's really hot in here, incredibly uncomfortable."
Again she repressed a faint laugh and, then in an instant the weight on her heart suddenly diffused into cold fear. . . . It was that candle on the altar. It was all wrong—wrong. Why didn't somebody see it? There was something in it. There was something coming out of it, taking form and shape above it.
Again she stifled a slight laugh, but in an instant, the pressure on her heart shifted to a chilling fear. . . . It was that candle on the altar. Everything about it felt off—wrong. Why didn’t anyone else notice? There was something in it. Something was emerging from it, taking shape above it.
She tried to fight down her rising panic, told herself it was the wick. If the wick wasn't straight, candles did something—but they didn't do this! With incalculable rapidity a force was gathering within her, a tremendous, assimilative force, drawing from every sense, every corner of her brain, and as it surged up inside her she felt an enormous terrified repulsion. She drew her arms in close to her side away from Kieth and Jarvis.
She tried to suppress her growing panic and reminded herself it was just the wick. If the wick wasn't straight, candles acted up—but they didn't do this! With incredible speed, a force was building up inside her, a powerful, all-consuming force that was pulling from every sense, every part of her mind, and as it surged up inside her, she felt an overwhelming sense of terror and disgust. She pulled her arms tightly against her body, away from Kieth and Jarvis.
Something in that candle . . . she was leaning forward—in another moment she felt she would go forward toward it—didn't any one see it? . . . anyone?
Something about that candle... she was leaning in closer—in a moment, she felt like she would reach out toward it—didn't anyone see it? ... anyone?
"Ugh!"
"Ugh!"
She felt a space beside her and something told her that Jarvis had gasped and sat down very suddenly . . . then she was kneeling and as the flaming monstrance slowly left the altar in the hands of the priest, she heard a great rushing noise in her ears—the crash of the bells was like hammer-blows . . . and then in a moment that seemed eternal a great torrent rolled over her heart—there was a shouting there and a lashing as of waves . . .
She sensed someone next to her, and she felt that Jarvis had gasped and sat down suddenly. Then she was kneeling, and as the glowing monstrance was slowly lifted from the altar by the priest, she heard a loud rushing sound in her ears—the crash of the bells felt like hammer blows. In a moment that seemed to last forever, a huge wave surged over her heart—there was shouting and a lashing like that of waves.
. . . She was calling, felt herself calling for Kieth, her lips mouthing the words that would not come:
. . . She was calling, felt herself calling for Kieth, her lips forming the words that wouldn’t come:
"Kieth! Oh, my God! Kieth!"
"Keith! Oh my God! Keith!"
Suddenly she became aware of a new presence, something external, in front of her, consummated and expressed in warm red tracery. Then she knew. It was the window of St. Francis Xavier. Her mind gripped at it, clung to it finally, and she felt herself calling again endlessly, impotently—Kieth—Kieth!
Suddenly, she sensed a new presence, something external in front of her, realized and shown in warm red designs. Then she understood. It was the window of St. Francis Xavier. Her mind latched onto it, held onto it finally, and she felt herself calling again and again, helplessly—Kieth—Kieth!
Then out of a great stillness came a voice:
Then from a deep silence, a voice emerged:
"Blessed be God."
"Thank God."
With a gradual rumble sounded the response rolling heavily through the chapel:
With a low rumble, the response echoed powerfully through the chapel:
"Blessed be God."
"Thank God."
The words sang instantly in her heart; the incense lay mystically and sweetly peaceful upon the air, and the candle on the altar went out.
The words immediately resonated in her heart; the incense hung in the air, both mystical and soothing, and the candle on the altar extinguished.
"Blessed be His Holy Name."
"Blessed be His Holy Name."
"Blessed be His Holy Name."
"Blessed be His Holy Name."
Everything blurred into a swinging mist. With a sound half-gasp, half-cry she rocked on her feet and reeled backward into Kieth's suddenly outstretched arms.
Everything blurred into a swirling fog. With a sound that was part gasp, part cry, she swayed on her feet and staggered backward into Kieth's suddenly outstretched arms.
V
"Lie still, child."
"Stay still, kid."
She closed her eyes again. She was on the grass outside, pillowed on Kieth's arm, and Regan was dabbing her head with a cold towel.
She closed her eyes again. She was on the grass outside, resting on Kieth's arm, and Regan was gently blotting her forehead with a cold towel.
"I'm all right," she said quietly.
"I'm fine," she said softly.
"I know, but just lie still a minute longer. It was too hot in there. Jarvis felt it, too."
"I know, but just stay still for a minute longer. It was too hot in there. Jarvis felt it, too."
She laughed as Regan again touched her gingerly with the towel.
She laughed as Regan carefully touched her again with the towel.
"I'm all right," she repeated.
"I'm good," she repeated.
But though a warm peace was falling her mind and heart she felt oddly broken and chastened, as if some one had held her stripped soul up and laughed.
But even though a warm peace was settling in her mind and heart, she felt strangely shattered and humbled, as if someone had held her bare soul up and laughed at it.
VI
Half an hour later she walked leaning on Kieth's arm down the long central path toward the gate.
Half an hour later, she walked with her arm linked with Kieth's, down the long central path toward the gate.
"It's been such a short afternoon," he sighed, "and I'm so sorry you were sick, Lois."
"It's been such a short afternoon," he sighed, "and I'm really sorry you were sick, Lois."
"Kieth, I'm feeling fine now, really; I wish you wouldn't worry."
"Kieth, I'm good now, really; I wish you wouldn't stress about it."
"Poor old child. I didn't realize that Benediction'd be a long service for you after your hot trip out here and all."
"Poor little one. I didn't know that the Benediction would be such a long service for you after your tiring journey out here and everything."
She laughed cheerfully.
She laughed happily.
"I guess the truth is I'm not much used to Benediction. Mass is the limit of my religious exertions."
"I guess the truth is I’m not really familiar with Benediction. Mass is the extent of my religious efforts."
She paused and then continued quickly:
She took a moment and then quickly went on:
"I don't want to shock you, Kieth, but I can't tell you how—how inconvenient being a Catholic is. It really doesn't seem to apply any more. As far as morals go, some of the wildest boys I know are Catholics. And the brightest boys—I mean the ones who think and read a lot, don't seem to believe in much of anything any more."
"I don't want to surprise you, Kieth, but I can't emphasize how—how inconvenient it is to be a Catholic. It honestly seems outdated now. When it comes to morals, some of the wildest guys I know are Catholics. And the smartest guys—I’m talking about the ones who think deeply and read a lot—don't seem to believe in much of anything anymore."
"Tell me about it. The bus won't be here for another half-hour."
"Seriously? The bus won't get here for another thirty minutes."
They sat down on a bench by the path.
They took a seat on a bench along the path.
"For instance, Gerald Carter, he's published a novel. He absolutely roars when people mention immortality. And then Howa—well, another man I've known well, lately, who was Phi Beta Kappa at Harvard says that no intelligent person can believe in Supernatural Christianity. He says Christ was a great socialist, though. Am I shocking you?"
"For example, Gerald Carter has published a novel. He gets really excited when people talk about immortality. And then there's Howa—another guy I've gotten to know recently, who was Phi Beta Kappa at Harvard, says that no smart person can believe in Supernatural Christianity. He claims Christ was a great socialist, though. Am I shocking you?"
She broke off suddenly.
She cut off abruptly.
Kieth smiled.
Kieth grinned.
"You can't shock a monk. He's a professional shock-absorber."
"You can't surprise a monk. He's a pro at handling shock."
"Well," she continued, "that's about all. It seems so—so narrow. Church schools, for instance. There's more freedom about things that Catholic people can't see—like birth control."
"Well," she continued, "that's about it. It feels so—so limited. Church schools, for example. There's more freedom around things that Catholic people can't accept—like birth control."
Kieth winced, almost imperceptibly, but Lois saw it.
Kieth flinched, barely noticeable, but Lois caught it.
"Oh," she said quickly, "everybody talks about everything now."
"Oh," she said quickly, "everyone talks about everything now."
"It's probably better that way."
"It’s probably for the best."
"Oh, yes, much better. Well, that's all, Kieth. I just wanted to tell you why I'm a little—luke-warm, at present."
"Oh, yes, much better. Well, that's it, Kieth. I just wanted to let you know why I'm feeling a bit—lukewarm, right now."
"I'm not shocked, Lois. I understand better than you think. We all go through those times. But I know it'll come out all right, child. There's that gift of faith that we have, you and I, that'll carry us past the bad spots."
"I'm not surprised, Lois. I get it better than you realize. We all have those moments. But I know everything will turn out fine, kid. We have that gift of faith, you and I, that will help us get through the tough times."
He rose as he spoke and they started again down the path.
He stood up as he talked, and they began walking down the path again.
"I want you to pray for me sometimes, Lois. I think your prayers would be about what I need. Because we've come very close in these few hours, I think."
"I want you to pray for me sometimes, Lois. I think your prayers would be about what I need. Since we've gotten really close in these past few hours, I think."
Her eyes were suddenly shining.
Her eyes suddenly sparkled.
"Oh we have, we have!" she cried. "I feel closer to you now than to any one in the world."
"Oh, we totally do!" she exclaimed. "I feel closer to you now than to anyone else in the world."
He stopped suddenly and indicated the side of the path.
He suddenly stopped and pointed to the side of the path.
"We might—just a minute——"
"Hold on—just a minute—"
It was a pietà, a life-size statue of the Blessed Virgin set within a semicircle of rocks.
It was a pietà, a life-size statue of the Blessed Virgin placed within a semicircle of rocks.
Feeling a little self-conscious she dropped on her knees beside him and made an unsuccessful attempt at prayer.
Feeling a bit self-conscious, she dropped to her knees beside him and tried to pray, but it didn't go well.
She was only half through when he rose. He took her arm again.
She was only halfway through when he stood up. He took her arm again.
"I wanted to thank Her for letting as have this day together," he said simply.
"I wanted to thank her for letting us have this day together," he said simply.
Lois felt a sudden lump in her throat and she wanted to say something that would tell him how much it had meant to her, too. But she found no words.
Lois felt a sudden lump in her throat and wanted to say something that would show him how much it meant to her, too. But she couldn't find the words.
"I'll always remember this," he continued, his voice trembling a little——"this summer day with you. It's been just what I expected. You're just what I expected, Lois."
"I'll always remember this," he went on, his voice shaking a bit—"this summer day with you. It's been exactly what I thought it would be. You're just what I imagined, Lois."
"I'm awfully glad, Keith."
"I'm really glad, Keith."
"You see, when you were little they kept sending me snap-shots of you, first as a baby and then as a child in socks playing on the beach with a pail and shovel, and then suddenly as a wistful little girl with wondering, pure eyes—and I used to build dreams about you. A man has to have something living to cling to. I think, Lois, it was your little white soul I tried to keep near me—even when life was at its loudest and every intellectual idea of God seemed the sheerest mockery, and desire and love and a million things came up to me and said: 'Look here at me! See, I'm Life. You're turning your back on it!' All the way through that shadow, Lois, I could always see your baby soul flitting on ahead of me, very frail and clear and wonderful."
You see, when you were little, they kept sending me pictures of you, first as a baby and then as a child in socks playing on the beach with a pail and shovel. Suddenly, you were a wistful little girl with curious, innocent eyes—and I used to dream about you. A man needs something real to hold on to. I think, Lois, it was your little pure soul I tried to keep close to me—even when life was at its loudest and every intellectual idea of God seemed like a joke, and desire and love and a million other things came to me and said: 'Look at me! See, I'm Life. You're ignoring it!' All through that darkness, Lois, I could always see your baby soul moving ahead of me, very delicate and clear and amazing.
Lois was crying softly. They had reached the gate and she rested her elbow on it and dabbed furiously at her eyes.
Lois was quietly crying. They had arrived at the gate, and she leaned her elbow on it, wiping at her eyes frantically.
"And then later, child, when you were sick I knelt all one night and asked God to spare you for me—for I knew then that I wanted more; He had taught me to want more. I wanted to know you moved and breathed in the same world with me. I saw you growing up, that white innocence of yours changing to a flame and burning to give light to other weaker souls. And then I wanted some day to take your children on my knee and hear them call the crabbed old monk Uncle Kieth."
"And then later, kid, when you were sick, I knelt all night and asked God to keep you here with me—because I realized then that I wanted more; He had shown me to desire more. I wanted to know that you were moving and breathing in the same world as me. I saw you growing up, that pure innocence of yours transforming into a fire that would light the way for other weaker souls. And then I wanted someday to hold your children on my lap and hear them call the grumpy old monk Uncle Kieth."
He seemed to be laughing now as he talked.
He seemed to be laughing as he spoke now.
"Oh, Lois, Lois, I was asking God for more then. I wanted the letters you'd write me and the place I'd have at your table. I wanted an awful lot, Lois, dear."
"Oh, Lois, Lois, I was asking God for more back then. I wanted the letters you'd write to me and the spot I'd have at your table. I wanted a whole lot, Lois, dear."
"You've got me, Kieth," she sobbed "you know it, say you know it. Oh, I'm acting like a baby but I didn't think you'd be this way, and I—oh, Kieth—Kieth——"
"You've got me, Kieth," she cried. "You know it, admit it. Oh, I'm being childish, but I didn't expect you to be like this, and I—oh, Kieth—Kieth——"
He took her hand and patted it softly.
He took her hand and gently patted it.
"Here's the bus. You'll come again won't you?"
"Here's the bus. You'll come back again, right?"
She put her hands on his cheeks, add drawing his head down, pressed her tear-wet face against his.
She cupped his face in her hands, pulling his head down, and pressed her tear-streaked face against his.
"Oh, Kieth, brother, some day I'll tell you something."
"Oh, Kieth, brother, one day I’ll tell you something."
He helped her in, saw her take down her handkerchief and smile bravely at him, as the driver kicked his whip and the bus rolled off. Then a thick cloud of dust rose around it and she was gone.
He helped her in, watched her take out her handkerchief and smile bravely at him, as the driver cracked his whip and the bus took off. Then a thick cloud of dust rose up around it and she disappeared.
For a few minutes he stood there on the road his hand on the gate-post, his lips half parted in a smile.
For a few minutes, he stood there on the road, his hand on the gatepost, his lips slightly parted in a smile.
"Lois," he said aloud in a sort of wonder, "Lois, Lois."
"Lois," he said in a tone of amazement, "Lois, Lois."
Later, some probationers passing noticed him kneeling before the pietà, and coming back after a time found him still there. And he was there until twilight came down and the courteous trees grew garrulous overhead and the crickets took up their burden of song in the dusky grass.
Later, some trainees walked by and saw him kneeling in front of the piéta. After a while, they returned and found him still there. He stayed there until twilight fell, the friendly trees started chatting above, and the crickets began their song in the dim grass.
VII
The first clerk in the telegraph booth in the Baltimore Station whistled through his buck teeth at the second clerk:
The first clerk in the telegraph booth at the Baltimore Station whistled through his buck teeth at the second clerk:
"S'matter?"
"What's wrong?"
"See that girl—no, the pretty one with the big black dots on her veil. Too late—she's gone. You missed somep'n."
"Look at that girl—no, the pretty one with the big black dots on her veil. Too late—she's gone. You missed something."
"What about her?"
"What’s her deal?"
"Nothing. 'Cept she's damn good-looking. Came in here yesterday and sent a wire to some guy to meet her somewhere. Then a minute ago she came in with a telegram all written out and was standin' there goin' to give it to me when she changed her mind or somep'n and all of a sudden tore it up."
"Nothing. Except she’s really attractive. She came in here yesterday and sent a message to some guy to meet her somewhere. Then just a minute ago, she came back with a telegram all ready to go and was about to give it to me when she changed her mind or something and suddenly tore it up."
"Hm."
"Hmm."
The first clerk came around tile counter and picking up the two pieces of paper from the floor put them together idly. The second clerk read them over his shoulder and subconsciously counted the words as he read. There were just thirteen.
The first clerk came around the counter and, picking up the two pieces of paper from the floor, casually put them together. The second clerk read them over his shoulder and unconsciously counted the words as he read. There were exactly thirteen.
"This is in the way of a permanent goodbye. I should suggest Italy.
"This is more like a permanent goodbye. I should suggest Italy."
"Lois."
"Lois."
"Tore it up, eh?" said the second clerk.
"Tore it up, huh?" said the second clerk.
Dalyrimple Goes Wrong
In the millennium an educational genius will write a book to be given to every young man on the date of his disillusion. This work will have the flavor of Montaigne's essays and Samuel Butler's note-books—and a little of Tolstoi and Marcus Aurelius. It will be neither cheerful nor pleasant but will contain numerous passages of striking humor. Since first-class minds never believe anything very strongly until they've experienced it, its value will be purely relative . . . all people over thirty will refer to it as "depressing."
In the next thousand years, a brilliant educator will write a book to be given to every young man on the day he faces reality. This book will have the essence of Montaigne's essays and Samuel Butler's notebooks, along with some influence from Tolstoy and Marcus Aurelius. It won't be cheerful or uplifting, but it will include many moments of sharp wit. Since great minds rarely believe in anything too strongly until they've lived it, its worth will be completely subjective... everyone over thirty will call it "depressing."
This prelude belongs to the story of a young man who lived, as you and I do, before the book.
This prelude is about the story of a young man who lived, just like you and me, before the book.
II
The generation which numbered Bryan Dalyrimple drifted out of adolescence to a mighty fan-fare of trumpets. Bryan played the star in an affair which included a Lewis gun and a nine-day romp behind the retreating German lines, so luck triumphant or sentiment rampant awarded him a row of medals and on his arrival in the States he was told that he was second in importance only to General Pershing and Sergeant York. This was a lot of fun. The governor of his State, a stray congressman, and a citizens' committee gave him enormous smiles and "By God, Sirs" on the dock at Hoboken; there were newspaper reporters and photographers who said "would you mind" and "if you could just"; and back in his home town there were old ladies, the rims of whose eyes grew red as they talked to him, and girls who hadn't remembered him so well since his father's business went blah! in nineteen-twelve.
The generation that included Bryan Dalyrimple transitioned from adolescence to a grand celebration filled with trumpets. Bryan took center stage in an adventure that involved a Lewis gun and a nine-day escapade behind the fleeing German lines, earning him a series of medals thanks to either sheer luck or overwhelming sentiment. Upon returning to the States, he was informed that he ranked just below General Pershing and Sergeant York in importance. This was quite the experience. The governor of his state, a random congressman, and a citizens' committee greeted him with big smiles and enthusiastic "By God, Sirs" at the dock in Hoboken; there were newspaper reporters and photographers asking, "would you mind" and "if you could just"; and back in his hometown, there were old ladies whose eyes turned red as they spoke to him, and girls who hadn't remembered him so well since his father's business took a hit in nineteen-twelve.
But when the shouting died he realized that for a month he had been the house guest of the mayor, that he had only fourteen dollars in the world and that "the name that will live forever in the annals and legends of this State" was already living there very quietly and obscurely.
But when the shouting faded away, he realized that for a month he had been staying at the mayor's house, that he had just fourteen dollars to his name, and that "the name that will live forever in the annals and legends of this State" was already there, living quietly and unnoticed.
One morning he lay late in bed and just outside his door he heard the up-stairs maid talking to the cook. The up-stairs maid said that Mrs. Hawkins, the mayor's wife, had been trying for a week to hint Dalyrimple out of the house. He left at eleven o'clock in intolerable confusion, asking that his trunk be sent to Mrs. Beebe's boarding-house.
One morning he stayed in bed late and just outside his door he heard the maid talking to the cook. The maid said that Mrs. Hawkins, the mayor's wife, had been trying for a week to get Dalyrimple to leave the house. He finally left at eleven o'clock in total confusion, asking for his trunk to be sent to Mrs. Beebe's boarding house.
Dalyrimple was twenty-three and he had never worked. His father had given him two years at the State University and passed away about the time of his son's nine-day romp, leaving behind him some mid-Victorian furniture and a thin packet of folded paper that turned out to be grocery bills. Young Dalyrimple had very keen gray eyes, a mind that delighted the army psychological examiners, a trick of having read it—whatever it was—some time before, and a cool hand in a hot situation. But these things did not save him a final, unresigned sigh when he realized that he had to go to work—right away.
Dalyrimple was twenty-three and had never held a job. His father had sent him to State University for two years and passed away around the time of his son’s nine-day adventure, leaving behind some mid-Victorian furniture and a thin bundle of folded paperwork that turned out to be grocery receipts. Young Dalyrimple had sharp gray eyes, a mind that impressed the army's psychological evaluators, a knack for having read about whatever it was quite some time ago, and the ability to stay calm in tense situations. But none of these qualities could prevent a final, reluctant sigh when he realized he had to start working—immediately.
It was early afternoon when he walked into the office of Theron G. Macy, who owned the largest wholesale grocery house in town. Plump, prosperous, wearing a pleasant but quite unhumorous smile, Theron G. Macy greeted him warmly.
It was early afternoon when he walked into the office of Theron G. Macy, the owner of the biggest wholesale grocery store in town. Plump and successful, with a friendly but rather humorless smile, Theron G. Macy welcomed him warmly.
"Well—how do, Bryan? What's on your mind?"
"Hey there, Bryan! What's on your mind?"
To Dalyrimple, straining with his admission, his own words, when they came, sounded like an Arab beggar's whine for alms.
To Dalyrimple, struggling with his confession, his own words, when they finally came out, sounded like the pitiful plea of an Arab beggar asking for charity.
"Why—this question of a job." ("This question of a job" seemed somehow more clothed than just "a job.")
"Why—this whole thing about a job." ("This whole thing about a job" felt somehow more substantial than just "a job.")
"A job?" An almost imperceptible breeze blew across Mr. Macy's expression.
"A job?" A barely noticeable breeze stirred across Mr. Macy's expression.
"You see, Mr. Macy," continued Dalyrimple, "I feel I'm wasting time. I want to get started at something. I had several chances about a month ago but they all seem to have—gone——"
"You see, Mr. Macy," Dalyrimple continued, "I feel like I'm wasting time. I want to get started on something. I had several opportunities about a month ago, but they all seem to have—disappeared—"
"Let's see," interrupted Mr. Macy. "What were they?"
"Let’s see," Mr. Macy interrupted. "What were they?"
"Well, just at the first the governor said something about a vacancy on his staff. I was sort of counting on that for a while, but I hear he's given it to Allen Gregg, you know, son of G. P. Gregg. He sort of forgot what he said to me—just talking, I guess."
"Well, right at the start, the governor mentioned a spot open on his team. I was kind of hoping for that for a bit, but I heard he’s given it to Allen Gregg, you know, the son of G. P. Gregg. He seemed to have forgotten what he said to me—just chatting, I suppose."
"You ought to push those things."
"Go ahead and promote them."
"Then there was that engineering expedition, but they decided they'd have to have a man who knew hydraulics, so they couldn't use me unless I paid my own way."
"Then there was that engineering trip, but they decided they needed someone who knew hydraulics, so they couldn't take me unless I covered my own expenses."
"You had just a year at the university?"
"You only spent a year at university?"
"Two. But I didn't take any science or mathematics. Well, the day the battalion paraded, Mr. Peter Jordan said something about a vacancy in his store. I went around there to-day and I found he meant a sort of floor-walker—and then you said something one day"—he paused and waited for the older man to take him up, but noting only a minute wince continued—"about a position, so I thought I'd come and see you."
"Two. But I didn't study any science or math. Well, the day the battalion paraded, Mr. Peter Jordan mentioned a job opening in his store. I went there today and found out he meant a sort of floor manager—and then you mentioned something one day"—he paused and waited for the older man to respond, but noticing only a slight flinch continued—"about a position, so I thought I'd come and talk to you."
"There was a position," confessed Mr. Macy reluctantly, "but since then we've filled it." He cleared his throat again. "You've waited quite a while."
"There was a position," Mr. Macy admitted hesitantly, "but we've filled it since then." He cleared his throat again. "You've been waiting for quite a while."
"Yes, I suppose I did. Everybody told me there was no hurry—and I'd had these various offers."
"Yeah, I guess I did. Everyone said there was no rush—and I had these different offers."
Mr. Macy delivered a paragraph on present-day opportunities which Dalyrimple's mind completely skipped.
Mr. Macy gave a talk about current opportunities that Dalyrimple completely overlooked.
"Have you had any business experience?"
"Do you have any work experience?"
"I worked on a ranch two summers as a rider."
"I spent two summers working on a ranch as a rider."
"Oh, well," Mr. Macy disparaged this neatly, and then continued: "What do you think you're worth?"
"Oh, well," Mr. Macy said dismissively, and then continued: "What do you think you're worth?"
"I don't know."
"I have no idea."
"Well, Bryan, I tell you, I'm willing to strain a point and give you a chance."
"Well, Bryan, I’m willing to make an exception and give you a chance."
Dalyrimple nodded.
Dalyrimple agreed.
"Your salary won't be much. You'll start by learning the stock. Then you'll come in the office for a while. Then you'll go on the road. When could you begin?"
"Your salary won’t be great. You’ll start by getting to know the stock. Then you’ll come into the office for a bit. After that, you’ll hit the road. When can you start?"
"How about to-morrow?"
"How about tomorrow?"
"All right. Report to Mr. Hanson in the stock-room. He'll start you off."
"Okay. Go to Mr. Hanson in the stockroom. He'll get you started."
He continued to regard Dalyrimple steadily until the latter, realizing that the interview was over, rose awkwardly.
He kept watching Dalyrimple until Dalyrimple, realizing the conversation was done, stood up uncomfortably.
"Well, Mr. Macy, I'm certainly much obliged."
"Well, Mr. Macy, I'm really grateful."
"That's all right. Glad to help you, Bryan."
"That's fine. Happy to help you, Bryan."
After an irresolute moment, Dalyrimple found himself in the hall. His forehead was covered with perspiration, and the room had not been hot.
After a moment of uncertainty, Dalyrimple found himself in the hall. His forehead was slick with sweat, and the room hadn’t been warm.
"Why the devil did I thank the son of a gun?" he muttered.
"Why did I thank that guy?" he muttered.
III
Next morning Mr. Hanson informed him coldly of the necessity of punching the time-clock at seven every morning, and delivered him for instruction into the hands of a fellow worker, one Charley Moore.
The next morning, Mr. Hanson told him coldly that he needed to punch the time clock at seven every morning and handed him over for training to a coworker named Charley Moore.
Charley was twenty-six, with that faint musk of weakness hanging about him that is often mistaken for the scent of evil. It took no psychological examiner to decide that he had drifted into indulgence and laziness as casually as he had drifted into life, and was to drift out. He was pale and his clothes stank of smoke; he enjoyed burlesque shows, billiards, and Robert Service, and was always looking back upon his last intrigue or forward to his next one. In his youth his taste had run to loud ties, but now it seemed to have faded, like his vitality, and was expressed in pale-lilac four-in-hands and indeterminate gray collars. Charley was listlessly struggling that losing struggle against mental, moral, and physical anæmia that takes place ceaselessly on the lower fringe of the middle classes.
Charley was twenty-six, with a faint hint of weakness about him that often gets mistaken for a bad vibe. It didn't take a psychologist to see that he had slipped into laziness and indulgence just as easily as he had slipped into life, and he was set to slip out. He was pale and his clothes smelled like smoke; he liked burlesque shows, billiards, and Robert Service, and was always reminiscing about his last fling or anticipating his next one. In his youth, he had a taste for flashy ties, but now that seemed to have faded, just like his energy, and it was replaced with pale-lilac four-in-hand ties and nondescript gray collars. Charley was listlessly fighting that losing battle against mental, moral, and physical exhaustion that constantly happens at the lower edge of the middle class.
The first morning he stretched himself on a row of cereal cartons and carefully went over the limitations of the Theron G. Macy Company.
The first morning, he lay on a row of cereal boxes and carefully reviewed the limits of the Theron G. Macy Company.
"It's a piker organization. My Gosh! Lookit what they give me. I'm quittin' in a coupla months. Hell! Me stay with this bunch!"
"It's a lame organization. Oh my gosh! Look at what they give me. I'm quitting in a couple of months. No way I'm staying with this group!"
The Charley Moores are always going to change jobs next month. They do, once or twice in their careers, after which they sit around comparing their last job with the present one, to the infinite disparagement of the latter.
The Charley Moores always plan to switch jobs next month. They do this once or twice in their careers, after which they sit around comparing their last job to the current one, always putting the latter down.
"What do you get?" asked Dalyrimple curiously.
"What do you get?" Dalyrimple asked, curious.
"Me? I get sixty." This rather defiantly.
"Me? I get sixty." This was said rather defiantly.
"Did you start at sixty?"
"Did you start at 60?"
"Me? No, I started at thirty-five. He told me he'd put me on the road after I learned the stock. That's what he tells 'em all."
"Me? No, I started when I was thirty-five. He said he’d put me on the road after I learned the stock. That’s what he tells everyone."
"How long've you been here?" asked Dalyrimple with a sinking sensation.
"How long have you been here?" Dalyrimple asked, feeling a sinking sensation.
"Me? Four years. My last year, too, you bet your boots."
"Me? Four years. Last year, for sure."
Dalyrimple rather resented the presence of the store detective as he resented the time-clock, and he came into contact with him almost immediately through the rule against smoking. This rule was a thorn in his side. He was accustomed to his three or four cigarettes in a morning, and after three days without it he followed Charley Moore by a circuitous route up a flight of back stairs to a little balcony where they indulged in peace. But this was not for long. One day in his second week the detective met him in a nook of the stairs, on his descent, and told him sternly that next time he'd be reported to Mr. Macy. Dalyrimple felt like an errant schoolboy.
Dalyrimple really disliked having the store detective around, just like he hated the time clock. He ran into the detective almost right away because of the no-smoking rule, which was a real pain for him. He was used to having three or four cigarettes in the morning, and after three days without one, he took a roundabout way up some back stairs to a small balcony where he and Charley Moore could smoke in peace. But that didn’t last long. One day in his second week, the detective caught him in a corner of the stairs as he was coming down and warned him firmly that if it happened again, he’d report him to Mr. Macy. Dalyrimple felt like a naughty schoolboy.
Unpleasant facts came to his knowledge. There were "cave-dwellers" in the basement who had worked there for ten or fifteen years at sixty dollars a month, rolling barrels and carrying boxes through damp, cement-walled corridors, lost in that echoing half-darkness between seven and five-thirty and, like himself, compelled several times a month to work until nine at night.
Unpleasant facts came to his attention. There were "cave-dwellers" in the basement who had been working there for ten or fifteen years at sixty dollars a month, rolling barrels and carrying boxes through damp, cement-walled corridors, lost in that echoing half-darkness between seven and five-thirty and, like him, forced several times a month to work until nine at night.
At the end of a month he stood in line and received forty dollars. He pawned a cigarette-case and a pair of field-glasses and managed to live—to eat, sleep, and smoke. It was, however, a narrow scrape; as the ways and means of economy were a closed book to him and the second month brought no increase, he voiced his alarm.
At the end of the month, he stood in line and received forty dollars. He sold a cigarette case and a pair of binoculars and managed to get by—eating, sleeping, and smoking. However, it was a tight situation; since he had no idea how to save money and the second month brought no extra income, he expressed his concern.
"If you've got a drag with old Macy, maybe he'll raise you," was Charley's disheartening reply. "But he didn't raise me till I'd been here nearly two years."
"If you're having a problem with old Macy, maybe he'll give you a raise," was Charley's discouraging answer. "But he didn't give me a raise until I had been here almost two years."
"I've got to live," said Dalyrimple simply. "I could get more pay as a laborer on the railroad but, Golly, I want to feel I'm where there's a chance to get ahead."
"I've got to live," said Dalyrimple straightforwardly. "I could earn more as a laborer on the railroad, but honestly, I want to feel like I'm in a place where there's a real opportunity to get ahead."
Charles shook his head sceptically and Mr. Macy's answer next day was equally unsatisfactory.
Charles shook his head skeptically, and Mr. Macy's response the next day was just as unhelpful.
Dalyrimple had gone to the office just before closing time.
Dalyrimple had gone to the office right before closing time.
"Mr. Macy, I'd like to speak to you."
"Mr. Macy, I want to talk to you."
"Why—yes." The unhumorous smile appeared. The voice was faintly resentful.
"Yeah." A serious smile appeared. The voice sounded slightly resentful.
"I want to speak to you in regard to more salary."
"I want to talk to you about a higher salary."
Mr. Macy nodded.
Mr. Macy agreed.
"Well," he said doubtfully, "I don't know exactly what you're doing. I'll speak to Mr. Hanson."
"Well," he said uncertainly, "I'm not exactly sure what you're up to. I'll talk to Mr. Hanson."
He knew exactly what Dalyrimple was doing, and Dalyrimple knew he knew.
He knew exactly what Dalyrimple was up to, and Dalyrimple knew he knew.
"I'm in the stock-room—and, sir, while I'm here I'd like to ask you how much longer I'll have to stay there."
"I'm in the stockroom—and, sir, while I'm here, I’d like to ask how much longer I’ll have to stay."
"Why—I'm not sure exactly. Of course it takes some time to learn the stock."
"Why—I’m not exactly sure. Of course, it takes some time to learn the ropes."
"You told me two months when I started."
"You told me two months ago when I started."
"Yes. Well, I'll speak to Mr. Hanson."
"Yeah. Alright, I'll talk to Mr. Hanson."
Dalyrimple paused irresolute.
Dalyrimple paused uncertainly.
"Thank you, sir."
"Thanks, sir."
Two days later he again appeared in the office with the result of a count that had been asked for by Mr. Hesse, the bookkeeper. Mr. Hesse was engaged and Dalyrimple, waiting, began idly fingering in a ledger on the stenographer's desk.
Two days later, he showed up again in the office with the results of a count requested by Mr. Hesse, the bookkeeper. Mr. Hesse was busy, so Dalyrimple, waiting, started to idly flip through a ledger on the stenographer's desk.
Half unconsciously he turned a page—he caught sight of his name —it was a salary list:
Half unconsciously, he turned a page—he noticed his name—it was a salary list:
Dalyrimple |
Demming |
Donahoe |
Everett |
His eyes stopped—
His eyes froze—
Everett.........................$60 |
So Tom Everett, Macy's weak-chinned nephew, had started at sixty —and in three weeks he had been out of the packing-room and into the office.
So Tom Everett, Macy's nephew with a weak chin, had started at sixty—and in three weeks, he had moved out of the packing room and into the office.
So that was it! He was to sit and see man after man pushed over him: sons, cousins, sons of friends, irrespective of their capabilities, while he was cast for a pawn, with "going on the road" dangled before his eyes—put off with the stock remark: "I'll see; I'll look into it." At forty, perhaps, he would be a bookkeeper like old Hesse, tired, listless Hesse with a dull routine for his stint and a dull background of boarding-house conversation.
So that was it! He was supposed to watch man after man get promoted over him: sons, cousins, friends' kids, no matter their skills, while he was stuck playing a minor role, with “hitting the road” teased in front of him—left waiting with the old line: “I’ll check; I’ll look into it.” By the time he turned forty, he might end up a bookkeeper like old Hesse, worn out, unmotivated Hesse, following a boring schedule and listening to the same dull boarding-house chatter.
This was a moment when a genii should have pressed into his hand the book for disillusioned young men. But the book has not been written.
This was a moment when a genie should have handed him the book for disillusioned young men. But that book hasn't been written.
A great protest swelling into revolt surged up in him. Ideas half forgotten, chaoticly perceived and assimilated, filled his mind. Get on—that was the rule of life—and that was all. How he did it, didn't matter—but to be Hesse or Charley Moore.
A strong urge to rebel grew inside him. Half-remembered ideas, chaotic and jumbled, filled his thoughts. Keep moving—that was the principle of life—and that was everything. It didn’t matter how he did it, just that he became Hesse or Charley Moore.
"I won't!" he cried aloud.
"I won't!" he shouted.
The bookkeeper and the stenographers looked up in surprise.
The bookkeeper and the stenographers looked up in shock.
"What?"
"What?"
For a second Dalyrimple stared—then walked up to the desk.
For a moment, Dalyrimple just stared—then he walked up to the desk.
"Here's that data," he said brusquely. "I can't wait any longer."
"Here's the data," he said sharply. "I can't wait any longer."
Mr. Hesse's face expressed surprise.
Mr. Hesse looked surprised.
It didn't matter what he did—just so he got out of this rut. In a dream he stepped from the elevator into the stock-room, and walking to an unused aisle, sat down on a box, covering his face with his hands.
It didn't matter what he did—he just needed to get out of this rut. In a dream, he stepped from the elevator into the stockroom, and walking to an unused aisle, sat down on a box, covering his face with his hands.
His brain was whirring with the frightful jar of discovering a platitude for himself.
His mind was racing with the terrifying realization of finding a cliché for himself.
"I've got to get out of this," he said aloud and then repeated, "I've got to get out"—and he didn't mean only out of Macy's wholesale house.
"I need to get out of this," he said aloud and then repeated, "I need to get out"—and he didn't just mean out of Macy's wholesale house.
When he left at five-thirty it was pouring rain, but he struck off in the opposite direction from his boarding-house, feeling, in the first cool moisture that oozed soggily through his old suit, an odd exultation and freshness. He wanted a world that was like walking through rain, even though he could not see far ahead of him, but fate had put him in the world of Mr. Macy's fetid storerooms and corridors. At first merely the overwhelming need of change took him, then half-plans began to formulate in his imagination.
When he left at five-thirty, it was pouring rain, but he headed in the opposite direction from his boarding house, feeling an unusual exhilaration and freshness in the first cool moisture that soaked through his old suit. He craved a world that felt like walking through rain, even though he couldn't see very far ahead of him, but fate had placed him in the world of Mr. Macy's stinky storerooms and corridors. At first, it was just the strong need for change that drove him, then half-formed plans began to take shape in his mind.
"I'll go East—to a big city—meet people—bigger people—people who'll help me. Interesting work somewhere. My God, there must be."
"I'll head East—to a big city—meet new people—more influential people—people who can help me. There has to be interesting work somewhere. My God, there must be."
With sickening truth it occurred to him that his facility for meeting people was limited. Of all places it was here in his own town that he should be known, was known—famous—before the water of oblivion had rolled over him.
With a sickening realization, he understood that his ability to connect with people was limited. Of all places, it was here in his own town that he should be recognized, was recognized—famous—before he faded into oblivion.
You had to cut corners, that was all. Pull—relationship—wealthy marriages——
You had to cut corners, that was all. Pull—relationships—wealthy marriages——
For several miles the continued reiteration of this preoccupied him and then he perceived that the rain had become thicker and more opaque in the heavy gray of twilight and that the houses were falling away. The district of full blocks, then of big houses, then of scattering little ones, passed and great sweeps of misty country opened out on both sides. It was hard walking here. The sidewalk had given place to a dirt road, streaked with furious brown rivulets that splashed and squashed around his shoes.
For several miles, he was fixated on this thought, and then he noticed that the rain had gotten heavier and thicker in the dull gray of twilight and that the houses were disappearing. The area with full blocks, then big houses, then scattering little ones passed by, and wide stretches of misty countryside opened up on both sides. The walking was tough here. The sidewalk had turned into a dirt road, marked with angry brown streams that splashed and squished around his shoes.
Cutting corners—the words began to fall apart, forming curious phrasings—little illuminated pieces of themselves. They resolved into sentences, each of which had a strangely familiar ring.
Cutting corners—the words started to break apart, creating odd combinations—tiny illuminated fragments of themselves. They came together into sentences, each of which had a strangely familiar sound.
Cutting corners meant rejecting the old childhood principles that success came from faithfulness to duty, that evil was necessarily punished or virtue necessarily rewarded—that honest poverty was happier than corrupt riches.
Cutting corners meant abandoning the old childhood beliefs that success came from staying true to your responsibilities, that evil would always be punished or virtue always rewarded—that being honestly poor was better than being wealthy through corruption.
It meant being hard.
It meant being tough.
This phrase appealed to him and he repeated it over and over. It had to do somehow with Mr. Macy and Charley Moore—the attitudes, the methods of each of them.
This phrase intrigued him, and he kept saying it again and again. It was somehow connected to Mr. Macy and Charley Moore—their attitudes and approaches.
He stopped and felt his clothes. He was drenched to the skin. He looked about him and, selecting a place in the fence where a tree sheltered it, perched himself there.
He stopped and checked his clothes. He was soaked to the skin. He looked around and, choosing a spot in the fence where a tree provided some shelter, settled himself there.
In my credulous years—he thought—they told me that evil was a sort of dirty hue, just as definite as a soiled collar, but it seems to me that evil is only a manner of hard luck, or heredity-and-environment, or "being found out." It hides in the vacillations of dubs like Charley Moore as certainly as it does in the intolerance of Macy, and if it ever gets much more tangible it becomes merely an arbitrary label to paste on the unpleasant things in other people's lives.
In my gullible years—he thought—they told me that evil was like a dirty color, as obvious as a stained collar, but it seems to me that evil is just a result of bad luck, or genetics and environment, or "being caught." It lurks in the indecision of losers like Charley Moore just as much as it does in the stubbornness of Macy, and if it ever becomes more obvious, it’s just a random label we stick on the unpleasant aspects of other people's lives.
In fact—he concluded—it isn't worth worrying over what's evil and what isn't. Good and evil aren't any standard to me—and they can be a devil of a bad hindrance when I want something. When I want something bad enough, common sense tells me to go and take it—and not get caught.
In fact, he decided, it's not worth stressing about what's good and what's bad. Good and evil don't matter to me—and they can really get in the way when I want something. When I want something badly enough, common sense tells me to just go for it—and not get caught.
And then suddenly Dalyrimple knew what he wanted first. He wanted fifteen dollars to pay his overdue board bill.
And then suddenly, Dalyrimple realized what he wanted most. He needed fifteen dollars to pay his overdue rent.
With a furious energy he jumped from the fence, whipped off his coat, and from its black lining cut with his knife a piece about five inches square. He made two holes near its edge and then fixed it on his face, pulling his hat down to hold it in place. It flapped grotesquely and then dampened and clung clung to his forehead and cheeks.
With a fierce energy, he jumped off the fence, took off his coat, and cut a piece about five inches square from its black lining with his knife. He made two holes near the edge and then put it on his face, pulling his hat down to keep it in place. It flapped awkwardly and then soaked up moisture, sticking to his forehead and cheeks.
Now . . . The twilight had merged to dripping dusk . . . black as pitch. He began to walk quickly back toward town, not waiting to remove the mask but watching the road with difficulty through the jagged eye-holes. He was not conscious of any nervousness . . . the only tension was caused by a desire to do the thing as soon as possible.
Now . . . The twilight had turned into a dripping dusk . . . dark as pitch. He started to walk quickly back toward town, not bothering to take off the mask but struggling to see the road through the jagged eye-holes. He wasn't aware of any nervousness . . . the only tension came from a desire to get it done as soon as possible.
He reached the first sidewalk, continued on until he saw a hedge far from any lamp-post, and turned in behind it. Within a minute he heard several series of footsteps—he waited—it was a woman and he held his breath until she passed . . . and then a man, a laborer. The next passer, he felt, would be what he wanted . . . the laborer's footfalls died far up the drenched street . . . other steps grew nears grew suddenly louder.
He got to the first sidewalk and kept walking until he spotted a hedge far from any streetlight, then turned in behind it. After a minute, he heard several sets of footsteps—he paused—it was a woman, and he held his breath until she walked by... then a man, a worker. He had a feeling the next person would be what he was looking for... the worker's footsteps faded into the distance up the wet street... other footsteps came closer, suddenly getting louder.
Dalyrimple braced himself.
Dalyrimple steeled himself.
"Put up your hands!"
"Raise your hands!"
The man stopped, uttered an absurd little grunt, and thrust pudgy arms skyward.
The man paused, made a silly little grunt, and raised his chubby arms up toward the sky.
Dalyrimple went through the waistcoat.
Dalyrimple searched the waistcoat.
"Now, you shrimp," he said, setting his hand suggestively to his own hip pocket, "you run, and stamp—loud! If I hear your feet stop I'll put a shot after you!"
"Now, you little shrimp," he said, placing his hand on his hip pocket suggestively, "you run and stomp—loud! If I hear your feet stop, I'll shoot after you!"
Then he stood there in sudden uncontrollable laughter as audibly frightened footsteps scurried away into the night.
Then he stood there, laughing uncontrollably as the frightened footsteps hurried away into the night.
After a moment he thrust the roll of bills into his pocket, snatched off his mask, and running quickly across the street, darted down an alley.
After a moment, he shoved the roll of cash into his pocket, ripped off his mask, and quickly ran across the street, darting down an alley.
IV
Yet, however Dalyrimple justified himself intellectually, he had many bad moments in the weeks immediately following his decision. The tremendous pressure of sentiment and inherited ambition kept raising riot with his attitude. He felt morally lonely.
Yet, no matter how Dalyrimple rationalized his decision, he faced many tough moments in the weeks that followed. The intense pressure from feelings and inherited ambition kept clashing with his perspective. He felt morally isolated.
The noon after his first venture he ate in a little lunch-room with Charley Moore and, watching him unspread the paper, waited for a remark about the hold-up of the day before. But either the hold-up was not mentioned or Charley wasn't interested. He turned listlessly to the sporting sheet, read Doctor Crane's crop of seasoned bromides, took in an editorial on ambition with his mouth slightly ajar, and then skipped to Mutt and Jeff.
The day after his first experience, he had lunch in a small diner with Charley Moore and, while watching him unfold the newspaper, he waited for a comment about the robbery from the day before. But either the robbery wasn't brought up or Charley just didn't care. He turned aimlessly to the sports section, read Doctor Crane's collection of tired clichés, absorbed an editorial about ambition with his mouth slightly open, and then moved on to Mutt and Jeff.
Poor Charley—with his faint aura of evil and his mind that refused to focus, playing a lifeless solitaire with cast-off mischief.
Poor Charley—with his faint hint of darkness and his mind that couldn't concentrate, playing a pointless game of solitaire with discarded trouble.
Yet Charley belonged on the other side of the fence. In him could be stirred up all the flamings and denunciations of righteousness; he would weep at a stage heroine's lost virtue, he could become lofty and contemptuous at the idea of dishonor.
Yet Charley belonged on the other side of the fence. In him could be stirred up all the flames and accusations of righteousness; he would cry over a stage heroine's lost virtue, and he could feel superior and disdainful at the thought of dishonor.
On my side, thought Dalyrimple, there aren't any resting-places; a man who's a strong criminal is after the weak criminals as well, so it's all guerilla warfare over here.
On my side, thought Dalyrimple, there aren't any safe havens; a strong criminal targets the weaker ones too, so it's all guerrilla warfare over here.
What will it all do to me? he thought with a persistent weariness. Will it take the color out of life with the honor? Will it scatter my courage and dull my mind?—despiritualize me completely—does it mean eventual barrenness, eventual remorse, failure?
What will all of this do to me? he thought with a constant fatigue. Will it drain the color from life along with the honor? Will it break my courage and dull my mind?—completely take away my spirit—does it mean ultimate emptiness, eventual regret, failure?
With a great surge of anger, he would fling his mind upon the barrier—and stand there with the flashing bayonet of his pride. Other men who broke the laws of justice and charity lied to all the world. He at any rate would not lie to himself. He was more than Byronic now: not the spiritual rebel, Don Juan; not the philosophical rebel, Faust; but a new psychological rebel of his own century—defying the sentimental a priori forms of his own mind——
With a rush of anger, he would put his thoughts against the barrier—and stand there with the sharp point of his pride. Other men who violated justice and kindness deceived everyone. He, at least, wouldn't deceive himself. He was beyond Byronic now: not the spiritual rebel, Don Juan; not the philosophical rebel, Faust; but a new kind of psychological rebel of his own time—defying the sentimental built-in ideas of his own mind——
Happiness was what he wanted—a slowly rising scale of gratifications of the normal appetites—and he had a strong conviction that the materials, if not the inspiration of happiness, could be bought with money.
Happiness was what he wanted—a gradual increase in the satisfaction of basic desires—and he firmly believed that the things that brought happiness, if not the actual inspiration for it, could be purchased with money.
V
The night came that drew him out upon his second venture, and as he walked the dark street he felt in himself a great resemblance to a cat—a certain supple, swinging litheness. His muscles were rippling smoothly and sleekly under his spare, healthy flesh—he had an absurd desire to bound along the street, to run dodging among trees, to turn "cart-wheels" over soft grass.
The night arrived that led him out on his second adventure, and as he strolled down the dark street, he felt a strong similarity to a cat—a certain graceful, fluid lightness. His muscles were smooth and sleek under his lean, healthy body—he had a silly urge to leap down the street, duck between trees, and do flips over soft grass.
It was not crisp, but in the air lay a faint suggestion of acerbity, inspirational rather than chilling.
It wasn't chilly, but you could sense a slight sharpness in the air, more motivating than off-putting.
"The moon is down—I have not heard the clock!"
"The moon has set—I haven't heard the clock!"
He laughed in delight at the line which an early memory had endowed with a hushed awesome beauty.
He laughed with joy at the line that an early memory had given a quiet, impressive beauty.
He passed a man and then another a quarter of mile afterward.
He passed one man and then another a quarter of a mile later.
He was on Philmore Street now and it was very dark. He blessed the city council for not having put in new lamp-posts as a recent budget had recommended. Here was the red-brick Sterner residence which marked the beginning of the avenue; here was the Jordon house, the Eisenhaurs', the Dents', the Markhams', the Frasers'; the Hawkins', where he had been a guest; the Willoughbys', the Everett's, colonial and ornate; the little cottage where lived the Watts old maids between the imposing fronts of the Macys' and the Krupstadts'; the Craigs—
He was on Philmore Street now, and it was really dark. He thanked the city council for not putting in new light posts as a recent budget had suggested. Here was the red-brick Sterner house marking the start of the avenue; there was the Jordon house, the Eisenhaurs', the Dents', the Markhams', the Frasers'; the Hawkins', where he had been a guest; the Willoughbys', the Everett's, colonial and fancy; the little cottage where the Watts old maids lived, tucked between the impressive fronts of the Macys' and the Krupstadts'; the Craigs—
Ah . . . there! He paused, wavered violently—far up the street was a blot, a man walking, possibly a policeman. After an eternal second be found himself following the vague, ragged shadow of a lamp-post across a lawn, running bent very low. Then he was standing tense, without breath or need of it, in the shadow of his limestone prey.
Ah . . . there! He hesitated, swaying unsteadily—far up the street was a figure, a man walking, maybe a policeman. After what felt like an eternity, he realized he was trailing the indistinct, jagged shadow of a lamp post across a yard, running with his body hunched low. Then he found himself standing still, tense, breathless and not needing to breathe, in the shadow of his limestone target.
Interminably he listened—a mile off a cat howled, a hundred yards away another took up the hymn in a demoniacal snarl, and he felt his heart dip and swoop, acting as shock-absorber for his mind. There were other sounds; the faintest fragment of song far away; strident, gossiping laughter from a back porch diagonally across the alley; and crickets, crickets singing in the patched, patterned, moonlit grass of the yard. Within the house there seemed to lie an ominous silence. He was glad he did not know who lived here.
He listened endlessly—a mile away, a cat howled; a hundred yards off, another joined in with a sinister growl, and he felt his heart drop and rise, buffering his mind. There were other sounds too: a distant hint of a song, loud laughter from a back porch diagonally across the alley, and crickets, crickets chirping in the uneven, patterned, moonlit grass of the yard. Inside the house, there was an eerie silence. He was relieved he didn’t know who lived there.
His slight shiver hardened to steel; the steel softened and his nerves became pliable as leather; gripping his hands he gratefully found them supple, and taking out knife and pliers he went to work on the screen.
His slight shiver turned into something strong; that strength softened and his nerves became flexible like leather; gripping his hands, he was glad to find them adaptable, and taking out a knife and pliers, he got to work on the screen.
So sure was he that he was unobserved that, from the dining-room where in a minute he found himself, he leaned out and carefully pulled the screen up into position, balancing it so it would neither fall by chance nor be a serious obstacle to a sudden exit.
So confident was he that no one was watching that, from the dining room where he found himself in a moment, he leaned out and carefully adjusted the screen into place, making sure it wouldn’t accidentally fall or block a quick escape.
Then he put the open knife in his coat pocket, took out his pocket-flash, and tiptoed around the room.
Then he slid the open knife into his coat pocket, pulled out his flashlight, and quietly moved around the room.
There was nothing here he could use—the dining-room had never been included in his plans for the town was too small to permit disposing of silver.
There was nothing here he could use—the dining room had never been part of his plans since the town was too small to allow for selling silver.
As a matter of fact his plans were of the vaguest. He had found that with a mind like his, lucrative in intelligence, intuition, and lightning decision, it was best to have but the skeleton of a campaign. The machine-gun episode had taught him that. And he was afraid that a method preconceived would give him two points of view in a crisis—and two points of view meant wavering.
As a matter of fact, his plans were pretty vague. He had realized that with a mind like his—rich in intelligence, intuition, and quick decision-making—it was best to only have a basic outline of a campaign. The machine-gun incident had taught him that. He was worried that a preconceived method would give him two perspectives in a crisis—and two perspectives meant hesitation.
He stumbled slightly on a chair, held his breath, listened, went on, found the hall, found the stairs, started up; the seventh stair creaked at his step, the ninth, the fourteenth. He was counting them automatically. At the third creak he paused again for over a minute—and in that minute he felt more alone than he had ever felt before. Between the lines on patrol, even when alone, he had had behind him the moral support of half a billion people; now he was alone, pitted against that same moral pressure—a bandit. He had never felt this fear, yet he had never felt this exultation.
He tripped slightly on a chair, held his breath, listened, moved on, found the hallway, found the stairs, and started up; the seventh step creaked under him, then the ninth, then the fourteenth. He was counting them without thinking. At the third creak, he paused for over a minute—and in that minute, he felt more alone than he ever had before. Between the lines on patrol, even when he was alone, he had the moral support of half a billion people behind him; now he was alone, facing that same moral pressure—like a bandit. He had never experienced this kind of fear, yet he had never felt this thrill either.
The stairs came to an end, a doorway approached; he went in and listened to regular breathing. His feet were economical of steps and his body swayed sometimes at stretching as he felt over the bureau, pocketing all articles which held promise—he could not have enumerated them ten seconds afterward. He felt on a chair for possible trousers, found soft garments, women's lingerie. The corners of his mouth smiled mechanically.
The stairs ended at a doorway; he walked in and listened to a steady breath. He moved carefully, with each step deliberate, and sometimes swayed as he stretched while feeling around the bureau, grabbing anything that seemed useful—he wouldn’t have been able to name them even ten seconds later. He reached for a chair to look for pants and found soft clothes, women’s lingerie. The corners of his mouth curved into a mechanical smile.
Another room . . . the same breathing, enlivened by one ghastly snort that sent his heart again on its tour of his breast. Round object—watch; chain; roll of bills; stick-pins; two rings—he remembered that he had got rings from the other bureau. He started out winced as a faint glow flashed in front of him, facing him. God!—it was the glow of his own wrist-watch on his outstretched arm.
Another room... the same breathing, made more intense by a horrifying snort that sent his heart racing again. Round objects—watch; chain; roll of bills; stick-pins; two rings—he recalled that he had taken rings from the other dresser. He began to step out and flinched as a dim glow appeared in front of him, facing him. Oh no!—it was the light from his own wristwatch on his outstretched arm.
Down the stairs. He skipped two crumbing steps but found another. He was all right now, practically safe; as he neared the bottom he felt a slight boredom. He reached the dining-room —considered the silver—again decided against it.
Down the stairs. He skipped two crumbling steps but found another. He was fine now, almost safe; as he got closer to the bottom, he felt a bit bored. He reached the dining room—looked at the silver—decided against it again.
Back in his room at the boarding-house he examined the additions to his personal property:
Back in his room at the boarding house, he checked out the new things he owned:
Sixty-five dollars in bills.
$65 in cash.
A platinum ring with three medium diamonds, worth, probably, about seven hundred dollars. Diamonds were going up.
A platinum ring featuring three medium diamonds, likely worth around seven hundred dollars. The price of diamonds was increasing.
A cheap gold-plated ring with the initials O. S. and the date inside—'03—probably a class-ring from school. Worth a few dollars. Unsalable.
A cheap gold-plated ring with the initials O. S. and the date inside—'03—likely a class ring from school. Worth a few dollars. Unmarketable.
A red-cloth case containing a set of false teeth.
A red fabric case holding a set of dentures.
A silver watch.
A silver watch.
A gold chain worth more than the watch.
A gold chain that's worth more than the watch.
An empty ring-box.
An empty ring box.
A little ivory Chinese god—probably a desk ornament.
A small ivory Chinese statue—probably a desk decoration.
A dollar and sixty-two cents in small change.
A dollar and sixty-two cents in small coins.
He put the money under his pillow and the other things in the toe of an infantry boot, stuffing a stocking in on top of them. Then for two hours his mind raced like a high-power engine here and there through his life, past and future, through fear and laughter. With a vague, inopportune wish that he were married, he fell into a deep sleep about half past five.
He put the money under his pillow and the other stuff in the toe of a military boot, stuffing a sock on top of them. For two hours, his mind raced like a high-powered engine, jumping around through his life, both past and future, filled with fear and laughter. With a vague, untimely wish that he were married, he fell into a deep sleep around 5:30.
VI
Though the newspaper account of the burglary failed to mention the false teeth, they worried him considerably. The picture of a human waking in the cool dawn and groping for them in vain, of a soft, toothless breakfast, of a strange, hollow, lisping voice calling the police station, of weary, dispirited visits to the dentist, roused a great fatherly pity in him.
Though the newspaper article about the burglary didn’t mention the dentures, they really bothered him. The image of a person waking up in the cool morning and searching for them unsuccessfully, having a soft, toothless breakfast, hearing a strange, hollow, lisping voice calling the police station, and making tired, discouraged visits to the dentist brought out a strong sense of fatherly pity in him.
Trying to ascertain whether they belonged to a man or a woman, he took them carefully out of the case and held them up near his mouth. He moved his own jaws experimentally; he measured with his fingers; but he failed to decide: they might belong either to a large-mouthed woman or a small-mouthed man.
Trying to figure out if they were from a man or a woman, he carefully took them out of the case and held them up near his mouth. He moved his jaws around to experiment; he measured with his fingers; but he couldn't make a decision: they could belong to either a large-mouthed woman or a small-mouthed man.
On a warm impulse he wrapped them in brown paper from the bottom of his army trunk, and printed false teeth on the package in clumsy pencil letters. Then, the next night, he walked down Philmore Street, and shied the package onto the lawn so that it would be near the door. Next day the paper announced that the police had a clew—they knew that the burglar was in town. However, they didn't mention what the clew was.
On a spontaneous whim, he wrapped them in brown paper from the bottom of his army trunk and scrawled false teeth on the package in awkward pencil letters. The next night, he walked down Philmore Street and tossed the package onto the lawn so it would be close to the door. The following day, the paper reported that the police had a lead—they knew the burglar was in town. However, they didn’t reveal what the lead was.
VII
At the end of a month "Burglar Bill of the Silver District was the nurse-girl's standby for frightening children. Five burglaries were attributed to him, but though Dalyrimple had only committed three, he considered that majority had it and appropriated the title to himself. He had once been seen—"a large bloated creature with the meanest face you ever laid eyes on." Mrs. Henry Coleman, awaking at two o'clock at the beam of an electric torch flashed in her eye, could not have been expected to recognize Bryan Dalyrimple at whom she had waved flags last Fourth of July, and whom she had described as "not at all the daredevil type, do you think?"
At the end of the month, "Burglar Bill of the Silver District" was the go-to bogeyman for scaring kids. Five burglaries were linked to him, but even though Dalyrimple had only done three, he felt the majority counted and took the title for himself. He had once been spotted—"a large, bloated figure with the meanest face you’d ever seen." Mrs. Henry Coleman, waking up at two o'clock to a beam from an electric flashlight in her eyes, couldn't be expected to recognize Bryan Dalyrimple, the same guy she had waved flags at last Fourth of July, and who she had described as "not at all the daredevil type, do you think?"
When Dalyrimple kept his imagination at white heat he managed to glorify his own attitude, his emancipation from petty scruples and remorses—but let him once allow his thought to rove unarmored, great unexpected horrors and depressions would overtake him. Then for reassurance he had to go back to think out the whole thing over again. He found that it was on the whole better to give up considering himself as a rebel. It was more consoling to think of every one else as a fool.
When Dalyrimple kept his imagination working in overdrive, he could elevate his own perspective, feeling liberated from small worries and guilt—but if he let his thoughts wander unguarded, unexpected fears and sadness would hit him hard. Then, for comfort, he had to revisit everything and rethink it all. He realized that it was generally better to stop seeing himself as a rebel. It felt more comforting to think of everyone else as a fool.
His attitude toward Mr. Macy underwent a change. He no longer felt a dim animosity and inferiority in his presence. As his fourth month in the store ended he found himself regarding his employer in a manner that was almost fraternal. He had a vague but very assured conviction that Mr. Macy's innermost soul would have abetted and approved. He no longer worried about his future. He had the intention of accumulating several thousand dollars and then clearing out—going east, back to France, down to South America. Half a dozen times in the last two months he had been about to stop work, but a fear of attracting attention to his being in funds prevented him. So he worked on, no longer in listlessness, but with contemptuous amusement.
His attitude toward Mr. Macy changed. He no longer felt a vague resentment and sense of inferiority around him. As his fourth month in the store came to a close, he found himself viewing his boss almost like a brother. He had a vague but strong belief that Mr. Macy's true self would have supported and agreed with him. He stopped worrying about his future. He intended to save up several thousand dollars and then leave—heading east, back to France, or down to South America. Several times in the last two months, he almost quit, but his fear of drawing attention to his financial situation held him back. So he kept working, no longer feeling aimless, but with a mix of contempt and amusement.
VIII
Then with astounding suddenness something happened that changed his plans and put an end to his burglaries.
Then, out of nowhere, something happened that changed his plans and put a stop to his burglaries.
Mr. Macy sent for him one afternoon and with a great show of jovial mystery asked him if he had an engagement that night. If he hadn't, would he please call on Mr. Alfred J. Fraser at eight o'clock. Dalyrimple's wonder was mingled with uncertainty. He debated with himself whether it were not his cue to take the first train out of town. But an hour's consideration decided him that his fears were unfounded and at eight o'clock he arrived at the big Fraser house in Philmore Avenue.
Mr. Macy called for him one afternoon and, with a hint of playful mystery, asked if he had plans that night. If he didn't, could he please visit Mr. Alfred J. Fraser at eight o'clock? Dalyrimple felt a mix of curiosity and uncertainty. He wondered if he should just catch the next train out of town. But after thinking it over for an hour, he decided his worries were baseless, and at eight o'clock, he showed up at the grand Fraser house on Philmore Avenue.
Mr. Fraser was commonly supposed to be the biggest political influence in the city. His brother was Senator Fraser, his son-in-law was Congressman Demming, and his influence, though not wielded in such a way as to make him an objectionable boss, was strong nevertheless.
Mr. Fraser was generally believed to be the most powerful political figure in the city. His brother was Senator Fraser, his son-in-law was Congressman Demming, and while he didn’t use his influence in a way that made him an annoying boss, it was still significant.
He had a great, huge face, deep-set eyes, and a barn-door of an upper lip, the melange approaching a worthy climax in a long professional jaw.
He had a big, broad face, deep-set eyes, and a massive upper lip, all of it coming together in a long, prominent jaw.
During his conversation with Dalyrimple his expression kept starting toward a smile, reached a cheerful optimism, and then receded back to imperturbability.
During his conversation with Dalyrimple, his expression kept beginning to smile, reaching a cheerful optimism, and then retreating back to calmness.
"How do you do, sir?" he laid, holding out his hand. "Sit down. I suppose you're wondering why I wanted you. Sit down."
"How are you, sir?" he said, extending his hand. "Have a seat. I guess you're curious about why I asked you here. Have a seat."
Dalyrimple sat down.
Dalyrimple took a seat.
"Mr. Dalyrimple, how old are you?"
"Mr. Dalyrimple, how old are you?"
"I'm twenty-three."
"I'm 23."
"You're young. But that doesn't mean you're foolish. Mr. Dalyrimple, what I've got to say won't take long. I'm going to make you a proposition. To begin at the beginning, I've been watching you ever since last Fourth of July when you made that speech in response to the loving-cup."
"You're young, but that doesn't mean you're naive. Mr. Dalyrimple, I won't take up much of your time. I'm going to make you an offer. To start from the beginning, I've been observing you ever since last Fourth of July when you gave that speech in response to the loving-cup."
Dalyrimple murmured disparagingly, but Fraser waved him to silence.
Dalyrimple muttered dismissively, but Fraser gestured for him to be quiet.
"It was a speech I've remembered. It was a brainy speech, straight from the shoulder, and it got to everybody in that crowd. I know. I've watched crowds for years." He cleared his throat as if tempted to digress on his knowledge of crowds—then continued. "But, Mr. Dalyrimple, I've seen too many young men who promised brilliantly go to pieces, fail through want of steadiness, too many high-power ideas, and not enough willingness to work. So I waited. I wanted to see what you'd do. I wanted to see if you'd go to work, and if you'd stick to what you started."
"It was a speech I'll never forget. It was smart, direct, and it resonated with everyone there. I know because I've been observing crowds for years." He cleared his throat, seemingly tempted to go off on a tangent about his crowd observations—then carried on. "But, Mr. Dalyrimple, I've seen too many young men with amazing potential fall apart, fail because they lack consistency, too many great ideas but not enough willingness to put in the effort. So I waited. I wanted to see what you would do. I wanted to see if you'd take action and if you'd stick with what you started."
Dalyrimple felt a glow settle over him.
Dalyrimple felt a warmth wash over him.
"So," continued Fraser, "when Theron Macy told me you'd started down at his place, I kept watching you, and I followed your record through him. The first month I was afraid for awhile. He told me you were getting restless, too good for your job, hinting around for a raise——"
"So," Fraser continued, "when Theron Macy let me know you started at his place, I kept an eye on you and tracked your progress through him. During the first month, I was worried for a bit. He mentioned you were getting restless, too skilled for your job, and dropping hints about wanting a raise—"
Dalyrimple started.
Dalyrimple began.
"——But he said after that you evidently made up your mind to shut up and stick to it. That's the stuff I like in a young man! That's the stuff that wins out. And don't think I don't understand. I know how much harder it was for you after all that silly flattery a lot of old women had been giving you. I know what a fight it must have been——"
"——But he said after that you clearly decided to stay quiet and stick with it. That’s the quality I admire in a young man! That’s what leads to success. And don’t think I don’t get it. I know how much tougher it was for you after all that ridiculous praise from those older women. I know what a struggle it must have been——"
Dalyrimple's face was burning brightly. It felt young and strangely ingenuous.
Dalyrimple's face was blazing. It felt youthful and oddly innocent.
"Dalyrimple, you've got brains and you've got the stuff in you— and that's what I want. I'm going to put you into the State Senate."
"Dalyrimple, you've got brains and you've got what it takes—and that's what I want. I'm going to get you into the State Senate."
"The what?"
"The what?"
"The State Senate. We want a young man who has got brains, but is solid and not a loafer. And when I say State Senate I don't stop there. We're up against it here, Dalyrimple. We've got to get some young men into politics—you know the old blood that's been running on the party ticket year in and year out."
"The State Senate. We need a smart young guy who's reliable and not lazy. And when I mention the State Senate, I mean more than that. We're in a tough spot here, Dalyrimple. We have to get some young people involved in politics—you know, the same old faces that keep running on the party ticket every single year."
Dalyrimple licked his lips.
Dalyrimple smacked his lips.
"You'll run me for the State Senate?"
"You’re going to run me for the State Senate?"
"I'll put you in the State Senate."
"I'll put you in the Senate."
Mr. Fraser's expression had now reached the point nearest a smile and Dalyrimple in a happy frivolity felt himself urging it mentally on—but it stopped, locked, and slid from him. The barn-door and the jaw were separated by a line strait as a nail. Dalyrimple remembered with an effort that it was a mouth, and talked to it.
Mr. Fraser's expression had now come close to a smile, and Dalyrimple, feeling carefree, tried to encourage it in his mind—but it vanished, locked away, and slipped away from him. The barn door and the jaw were separated by a line as straight as a nail. Dalyrimple struggled to remember that it was a mouth and began to talk to it.
"But I'm through," he said. "My notoriety's dead. People are fed up with me."
"But I'm done," he said. "My reputation is over. People are tired of me."
"Those things," answered Mr. Fraser, "are mechanical. Linotype is a resuscitator of reputations. Wait till you see the herald, beginning next week—that is if you're with us—that is," and his voice hardened slightly, "if you haven't got too many ideas yourself about how things ought to be run."
"Those things," Mr. Fraser replied, "are mechanical. Linotype brings reputations back to life. Just wait until you see the herald starting next week—that is if you're still with us—that is," and his tone became a bit sharper, "if you don't have too many of your own ideas about how things should be run."
"No," said Dalyrimple, looking him frankly in the eye. "You'll have to give me a lot of advice at first."
"No," said Dalyrimple, looking him straight in the eye. "You'll have to give me a lot of advice at first."
"Very well. I'll take care of your reputation then. Just keep yourself on the right side of the fence."
"Alright. I'll handle your reputation then. Just make sure you stay on the right side of things."
Dalyrimple started at this repetition of a phrase he had thought of so much lately. There was a sudden ring at the door-bell.
Dalyrimple was taken aback by the repeated phrase that had been on his mind a lot lately. Then, there was a sudden ring at the doorbell.
"That's Macy now," observed Fraser, rising. "I'll go let him in. The servants have gone to bed."
"That's Macy now," Fraser said, getting up. "I'll go let him in. The staff has turned in for the night."
He left Dalyrimple there in a dream. The world was opening up suddenly— The State Senate, the United States Senate—so life was this after all—cutting corners—common sense, that was the rule. No more foolish risks now unless necessity called—but it was being hard that counted— Never to let remorse or self-reproach lose him a night's sleep—let his life be a sword of courage—there was no payment—all that was drivel—drivel.
He left Dalyrimple there in a dream. The world was suddenly opening up—The State Senate, the United States Senate—so this was life after all—cutting corners—common sense, that was the rule. No more foolish risks unless absolutely necessary—but it was about being tough—that mattered—Never let regret or self-blame take away his sleep—let his life be a sword of courage—there was no payment—all that was nonsense—nonsense.
He sprang to his feet with clinched hands in a sort of triumph.
He jumped to his feet with clenched fists in a kind of triumph.
"Well, Bryan," said Mr. Macy stepping through the portières.
"Well, Bryan," said Mr. Macy as he walked through the curtains.
The two older men smiled their half-smiles at him.
The two older men smiled their half-smiles at him.
"Well Bryan," said Mr. Macy again.
"Well, Bryan," Mr. Macy said again.
Dalyrimple smiled also.
Dalyrimple smiled too.
"How do, Mr. Macy?"
"How are you, Mr. Macy?"
He wondered if some telepathy between them had made this new appreciation possible—some invisible realization. . . .
He wondered if some sort of telepathy between them had made this new appreciation possible—some invisible understanding. . . .
Mr. Macy held out his hand.
Mr. Macy reached out his hand.
"I'm glad we're to be associated in this scheme—I've been for you all along—especially lately. I'm glad we're to be on the same side of the fence."
"I'm really happy we're working together on this plan—I’ve been supporting you the whole time—especially recently. I'm glad we’re on the same team."
"I want to thank you, sir," said Dalyrimple simply. He felt a whimsical moisture gathering back of his eyes.
"I want to thank you, sir," Dalyrimple said earnestly. He felt a playful moisture building up behind his eyes.
The Four Fists
At the present time no one I know has the slightest desire to hit Samuel Meredith; possibly this is because a man over fifty is liable to be rather severely cracked at the impact of a hostile fist, but, for my part, I am inclined to think that all his hitable qualities have quite vanished. But it is certain that at various times in his life hitable qualities were in his face, as surely as kissable qualities have ever lurked in a girl's lips.
Right now, no one I know wants to hit Samuel Meredith; maybe it's because a man over fifty is likely to get seriously hurt by a punch, but I personally think that all the qualities that make him worth hitting have faded away. However, it's clear that at different points in his life, he definitely had qualities that made him deserving of a hit, just as kissable qualities are always present in a girl's lips.
I'm sure every one has met a man like that, been casually introduced, even made a friend of him, yet felt he was the sort who aroused passionate dislike—expressed by some in the involuntary clinching of fists, and in others by mutterings about "takin' a poke" and "landin' a swift smash in ee eye." In the juxtaposition of Samuel Meredith's features this quality was so strong that it influenced his entire life.
I'm sure everyone has met a guy like that, been casually introduced, even become friends with him, yet felt he was the type who caused strong dislike—shown by some in the way they clenched their fists, and by others in muttering about "taking a swing" and "landing a good punch to the eye." In the unique mix of Samuel Meredith's features, this quality was so intense that it affected his whole life.
What was it? Not the shape, certainly, for he was a pleasant-looking man from earliest youth: broad-bowed with gray eyes that were frank and friendly. Yet I've heard him tell a room full of reporters angling for a "success" story that he'd be ashamed to tell them the truth that they wouldn't believe it, that it wasn't one story but four, that the public would not want to read about a man who had been walloped into prominence.
What was it? Not the appearance, for sure, because he was a good-looking guy from a young age: broad-shouldered with gray eyes that were open and inviting. Still, I've heard him tell a room full of reporters looking for a "success" story that he’d be embarrassed to share the truth because they wouldn't believe it, that it wasn't just one story but four, and that the public wouldn’t be interested in a man who got pushed into the spotlight.
It all started at Phillips Andover Academy when he was fourteen. He had been brought up on a diet of caviar and bell-boys' legs in half the capitals of Europe, and it was pure luck that his mother had nervous prostration and had to delegate his education to less tender, less biassed hands.
It all started at Phillips Andover Academy when he was fourteen. He had grown up enjoying caviar and the legs of bellboys in half the capitals of Europe, and it was just luck that his mother had a nervous breakdown and had to hand off his education to less caring, less biased people.
At Andover he was given a roommate named Gilly Hood. Gilly was thirteen, undersized, and rather the school pet. From the September day when Mr. Meredith's valet stowed Samuel's clothing in the best bureau and asked, on departing, "hif there was hanything helse, Master Samuel?" Gilly cried out that the faculty had played him false. He felt like an irate frog in whose bowl has been put goldfish.
At Andover, he was assigned a roommate named Gilly Hood. Gilly was thirteen, small for his age, and somewhat of a school favorite. From the September day when Mr. Meredith's valet unpacked Samuel's clothes in the best drawer and asked, upon leaving, "Is there anything else, Master Samuel?" Gilly shouted that the faculty had betrayed him. He felt like an angry frog whose bowl had been filled with goldfish.
"Good gosh!" he complained to his sympathetic contemporaries, "he's a damn stuck-up Willie. He said, 'Are the crowd here gentlemen?' and I said, 'No, they're boys,' and he said age didn't matter, and I said, 'Who said it did?' Let him get fresh with me, the ole pieface!"
"Good grief!" he complained to his understanding friends, "he's such a pretentious jerk. He asked, 'Are the people here gentlemen?' and I replied, 'No, they're just boys,' and he said age didn't matter, and I responded, 'Who said it did?' Let him get cocky with me, the old fool!"
For three weeks Gilly endured in silence young Samuel's comments on the clothes and habits of Gilly's personal friends, endured French phrases in conversation, endured a hundred half-feminine meannesses that show what a nervous mother can do to a boy, if she keeps close enough to him—then a storm broke in the aquarium.
For three weeks, Gilly silently put up with Samuel's remarks about her friends' clothes and habits, tolerated French phrases in their conversations, and endured countless petty behaviors that revealed how a nervous mother can influence her son if she stays too involved—then a storm erupted in the aquarium.
Samuel was out. A crowd had gathered to hear Gilly be wrathful about his roommate's latest sins.
Samuel was out. A crowd had gathered to hear Gilly rant about his roommate's latest mistakes.
"He said, 'Oh, I don't like the windows open at night,' he said, 'except only a little bit,'" complained Gilly.
"He said, 'Oh, I don't like the windows open at night,' he said, 'except just a little bit,'" complained Gilly.
"Don't let him boss you."
"Don't let him control you."
"Boss me? You bet he won't. I open those windows, I guess, but the darn fool won't take turns shuttin' 'em in the morning."
"Boss me? You can bet he won't. I’ll open those windows, I suppose, but the idiot won’t take turns closing them in the morning."
"Make him, Gilly, why don't you?"
"Why don't you just make him, Gilly?"
"I'm going to." Gilly nodded his head in fierce agreement. "Don't you worry. He needn't think I'm any ole butler."
"I'm going to." Gilly nodded his head vigorously in agreement. "Don't worry. He shouldn't think I'm just any old butler."
"Le's see you make him."
"Let's see you make him."
At this point the darn fool entered in person and included the crowd in one of his irritating smiles. Two boys said, "'Lo, Mer'dith"; the others gave him a chilly glance and went on talking to Gilly. But Samuel seemed unsatisfied.
At this point, the annoying guy came in person and flashed his irritating smile at the crowd. Two boys said, "'Lo, Mer'dith"; the others gave him a cold look and continued chatting with Gilly. But Samuel looked like he wasn’t satisfied.
"Would you mind not sitting on my bed?" he suggested politely to two of Gilly's particulars who were perched very much at ease.
"Could you please not sit on my bed?" he politely suggested to two of Gilly's guests who were lounging comfortably.
"Huh?"
"Huh?"
"My bed. Can't you understand English?"
"My bed. Can't you understand English?"
This was adding insult to injury. There were several comments on the bed's sanitary condition and the evidence within it of animal life.
This was just adding insult to injury. There were several remarks about the bed's cleanliness and the signs of animal presence in it.
"S'matter with your old bed?" demanded Gilly truculently.
"What's wrong with your old bed?" Gilly asked aggressively.
"The bed's all right, but——"
"The bed's fine, but——"
Gilly interrupted this sentence by rising and walking up to Samuel. He paused several inches away and eyed him fiercely.
Gilly cut off this sentence by getting up and walking over to Samuel. He stopped a few inches away and glared at him intensely.
"You an' your crazy ole bed," he began. "You an' your crazy——"
"You and your crazy old bed," he started. "You and your crazy——"
"Go to it, Gilly," murmured some one.
"Go for it, Gilly," someone whispered.
"Show the darn fool—"
"Show the idiot—"
Samuel returned the gaze coolly.
Samuel met the gaze coolly.
"Well," he said finally, "it's my bed—"
"Well," he finally said, "it's my bed—"
He got no further, for Gilly hauled off and hit him succinctly in the nose.
He didn’t get a chance to say more because Gilly swung and punched him sharply in the nose.
"Yea! Gilly!"
"Yeah! Gilly!"
"Show the big bully!"
"Confront the big bully!"
"Just let him touch you—he'll see!"
"Just let him touch you—he'll understand!"
The group closed in on them and for the first time in his life Samuel realized the insuperable inconvenience of being passionately detested. He gazed around helplessly at the glowering, violently hostile faces. He towered a head taller than his roommate, so if he hit back he'd be called a bully and have half a dozen more fights on his hands within five minutes; yet if he didn't he was a coward. For a moment he stood there facing Gilly's blazing eyes, and then, with a sudden choking sound, he forced his way through the ring and rushed from the room.
The group closed in on them, and for the first time in his life, Samuel realized how incredibly inconvenient it was to be intensely hated. He looked around helplessly at the scowling, violently hostile faces. He was a head taller than his roommate, so if he fought back, he’d just be labeled a bully and end up in half a dozen more fights in five minutes; but if he didn’t, he’d be seen as a coward. For a moment, he stood there facing Gilly's fiery eyes, and then, with a sudden choking noise, he pushed his way through the crowd and bolted from the room.
The month following bracketed the thirty most miserable days of his life. Every waking moment he was under the lashing tongues of his contemporaries; his habits and mannerisms became butts for intolerable witticisms and, of course, the sensitiveness of adolescence was a further thorn. He considered that he was a natural pariah; that the unpopularity at school would follow him through life. When he went home for the Christmas holidays he was so despondent that his father sent him to a nerve specialist. When he returned to Andover he arranged to arrive late so that he could be alone in the bus during the drive from station to school.
The month that followed was the thirty most miserable days of his life. Every moment he was awake, he faced the harsh criticisms of his peers; his habits and quirks were targets for endless jokes, and, of course, the sensitivity of adolescence made it even worse. He felt like a natural outcast, convinced that his unpopularity at school would stick with him for life. When he went home for Christmas break, he was so down that his dad sent him to see a therapist. When he returned to Andover, he planned to arrive late so he could be alone on the bus during the ride from the station to school.
Of course when he had learned to keep his mouth shut every one promptly forgot all about him. The next autumn, with his realization that consideration for others was the discreet attitude, he made good use of the clean start given him by the shortness of boyhood memory. By the beginning of his senior year Samuel Meredith was one of the best-liked boys of his class—and no one was any stronger for him than his first friend and constant companion, Gilly Hood.
Of course, once he learned to keep his mouth shut, everyone quickly forgot about him. The following autumn, realizing that being considerate of others was the smart approach, he took full advantage of the fresh start provided by how quickly kids forget. By the start of his senior year, Samuel Meredith was one of the most popular boys in his class—and no one supported him more than his first friend and constant companion, Gilly Hood.
II
Samuel became the sort of college student who in the early nineties drove tandems and coaches and tallyhos between Princeton and Yale and New York City to show that they appreciated the social importance of football games. He believed passionately in good form—his choosing of gloves, his tying of ties, his holding of reins were imitated by impressionable freshmen. Outside of his own set he was considered rather a snob, but as his set was the set, it never worried him. He played football in the autumn, drank high-balls in the winter, and rowed in the spring. Samuel despised all those who were merely sportsmen without being gentlemen or merely gentlemen without being sportsmen.
Samuel became the kind of college student who in the early nineties drove carriages and coaches between Princeton, Yale, and New York City to demonstrate their appreciation for the social significance of football games. He was passionate about style—his choice of gloves, how he tied his ties, and the way he held the reins were all mimicked by impressionable freshmen. Outside of his own group, he was seen as somewhat of a snob, but since his group was the group, it never bothered him. He played football in the fall, enjoyed highballs in the winter, and rowed in the spring. Samuel looked down on anyone who was just a sportsman without being a gentleman or just a gentleman without being a sportsman.
He lived in New York and often brought home several of his friends for the week-end. Those were the days of the horse-car and in case of a crush it was, of course, the proper thing for any one of Samuel's set to rise and deliver his seat to a standing lady with a formal bow. One night in Samuel's junior year he boarded a car with two of his intimates. There were three vacant seats. When Samuel sat down he noticed a heavy-eyed laboring man sitting next to him who smelt objectionably of garlic, sagged slightly against Samuel and, spreading a little as a tired man will, took up quite too much room.
He lived in New York and often brought home several of his friends for the weekend. Those were the days of streetcars, and if it got crowded, it was common courtesy for anyone from Samuel's group to stand up and give their seat to a lady, with a polite bow. One night during Samuel's junior year, he got on a streetcar with two of his close friends. There were three empty seats. When Samuel sat down, he noticed a tired-looking laborer sitting next to him who had a strong smell of garlic, leaned slightly against him, and, spreading out a bit like tired people do, took up way too much space.
The car had gone several blocks when it stopped for a quartet of young girls, and, of course, the three men of the world sprang to their feet and proffered their seats with due observance of form. Unfortunately, the laborer, being unacquainted with the code of neckties and tallyhos, failed to follow their example, and one young lady was left at an embarrassed stance. Fourteen eyes glared reproachfully at the barbarian; seven lips curled slightly; but the object of scorn stared stolidly into the foreground in sturdy unconsciousness of his despicable conduct. Samuel was the most violently affected. He was humiliated that any male should so conduct himself. He spoke aloud.
The car had traveled a few blocks when it stopped for a group of young girls, and naturally, the three civilized men jumped up and offered their seats with the proper etiquette. Unfortunately, the laborer, not familiar with the unspoken rules of society, didn’t follow suit, leaving one girl standing awkwardly. Fourteen eyes shot him disapproving glares; seven lips curled in disdain; but the man in question stared blankly ahead, completely unaware of his poor behavior. Samuel was the most upset by this. He felt embarrassed that any guy could act like that. He spoke out loud.
"There's a lady standing," he said sternly.
"There's a woman standing," he said firmly.
That should have been quite enough, but the object of scorn only looked up blankly. The standing girl tittered and exchanged nervous glances with her companions. But Samuel was aroused.
That should have been more than enough, but the person being mocked just looked up blankly. The girl who was standing giggled and shared nervous looks with her friends. But Samuel was stirred.
"There's a lady standing," he repeated, rather raspingly. The man seemed to comprehend.
"There's a lady standing," he said again, a bit hoarsely. The man appeared to understand.
"I pay my fare," he said quietly.
"I'll pay my fare," he said quietly.
Samuel turned red and his hands clinched, but the conductor was looking their way, so at a warning nod from his friends he subsided into sullen gloom.
Samuel turned red and his hands clenched, but the conductor was looking their way, so at a warning nod from his friends, he sank into a sulky silence.
They reached their destination and left the car, but so did the laborer, who followed them, swinging his little pail. Seeing his chance, Samuel no longer resisted his aristocratic inclination. He turned around and, launching a full-featured, dime-novel sneer, made a loud remark about the right of the lower animals to ride with human beings.
They arrived at their destination and got out of the car, but so did the laborer, who followed them while swinging his small bucket. Seizing the opportunity, Samuel abandoned his effort to suppress his upper-class instincts. He turned around and, wearing a dramatic, dime-novel sneer, made a loud comment about the right of lower-class people to ride with humans.
In a half-second the workman had dropped his pail and let fly at him. Unprepared, Samuel took the blow neatly on the jaw and sprawled full length into the cobblestone gutter.
In half a second, the worker had dropped his bucket and swung at him. Caught off guard, Samuel took the hit square on the jaw and collapsed into the cobblestone gutter.
"Don't laugh at me!" cried his assailant. "I been workin' all day. I'm tired as hell!"
"Don't laugh at me!" shouted his attacker. "I've been working all day. I'm exhausted!"
As he spoke the sudden anger died out of his eyes and the mask of weariness dropped again over his face. He turned and picked up his pail. Samuel's friends took a quick step in his direction.
As he spoke, the anger in his eyes faded away, and the tired expression returned to his face. He turned and grabbed his pail. Samuel's friends quickly stepped toward him.
"Wait!" Samuel had risen slowly and was motioning back. Some time, somewhere, he had been struck like that before. Then he remembered—Gilly Hood. In the silence, as he dusted himself off, the whole scene in the room at Andover was before his eyes— and he knew intuitively that he had been wrong again. This man's strength, his rest, was the protection of his family. He had more use for his seat in the street-car than any young girl.
"Wait!" Samuel had stood up slowly and was waving him back. At some point, he had experienced this before. Then it came to him—Gilly Hood. In the quiet, as he brushed himself off, the entire scene in the room at Andover played out in his mind—and he realized instinctively that he had been wrong once more. This man's strength and calm were all about protecting his family. He valued his spot on the streetcar more than he did any young girl.
"It's all right," said Samuel gruffly. "Don't touch 'him. I've been a damn fool."
"It's okay," Samuel said gruffly. "Don't touch him. I've been a complete idiot."
Of course it took more than an hour, or a week, for Samuel to rearrange his ideas on the essential importance of good form. At first he simply admitted that his wrongness had made him powerless—as it had made him powerless against Gilly—but eventually his mistake about the workman influenced his entire attitude. Snobbishness is, after all, merely good breeding grown dictatorial; so Samuel's code remained but the necessity of imposing it upon others had faded out in a certain gutter. Within that year his class had somehow stopped referring to him as a snob.
Of course, it took more than an hour or a week for Samuel to rethink his views on the importance of good form. At first, he just acknowledged that his mistakes had made him powerless—just like they had against Gilly—but eventually, his error regarding the workman changed his whole perspective. Snobbishness is just good breeding turned dictatorial; so while Samuel's principles stayed the same, the need to impose them on others faded away in a way he didn't expect. Within that year, his classmates somehow stopped calling him a snob.
III
After a few years Samuel's university decided that it had shone long enough in the reflected glory of his neckties, so they declaimed to him in Latin, charged him ten dollars for the paper which proved him irretrievably educated, and sent him into the turmoil with much self-confidence, a few friends, and the proper assortment of harmless bad habits.
After a few years, Samuel's university decided it had basked long enough in the reflected glory of his neckties, so they announced to him in Latin, charged him ten dollars for the diploma that proved he was officially educated, and sent him out into the world with a lot of self-confidence, a few friends, and the right mix of harmless bad habits.
His family had by that time started back to shirt-sleeves, through a sudden decline in the sugar-market, and it had already unbuttoned its vest, so to speak, when Samuel went to work. His mind was that exquisite tabula rasa that a university education sometimes leaves, but he had both energy and influence, so he used his former ability as a dodging half-back in twisting through Wall Street crowds as runner for a bank.
His family had by then gone back to wearing their work clothes because of a sudden drop in the sugar market, and they had already loosened their ties when Samuel started working. His mind was that pristine tabula rasa that a university education can leave behind, but he had both energy and connections, so he used his past skill as a quick-footed player to navigate through the Wall Street crowds as a runner for a bank.
His diversion was—women. There were half a dozen: two or three débutantes, an actress (in a minor way), a grass-widow, and one sentimental little brunette who was married and lived in a little house in Jersey City.
His distraction was women. There were a half dozen: two or three debutantes, an actress (albeit a minor one), a grass widow, and one sentimental little brunette who was married and lived in a small house in Jersey City.
They had met on a ferry-boat. Samuel was crossing from New York on business (he had been working several years by this time) and he helped her look for a package that she had dropped in the crush.
They met on a ferry. Samuel was crossing from New York for work (he had been in the job for a few years by then), and he helped her search for a package she had lost in the crowd.
"Do you come over often?" he inquired casually.
"Do you come over here a lot?" he asked casually.
"Just to shop," she said shyly. She had great brown eyes and the pathetic kind of little mouth. "I've only been married three months, and we find it cheaper to live over here."
"Just to shop," she said quietly. She had beautiful brown eyes and a small, sad-looking mouth. "I've only been married three months, and we find it more affordable to live over here."
"Does he—does your husband like your being alone like this?"
"Does he—does your husband like it when you’re alone like this?"
She laughed, a cheery young laugh.
She laughed, a bright young laugh.
"Oh, dear me, no. We were to meet for dinner but I must have misunderstood the place. He'll be awfully worried."
"Oh, no. We were supposed to meet for dinner, but I must have misunderstood the location. He’s going to be really worried."
"Well," said Samuel disapprovingly, "he ought to be. If you'll allow me I'll see you home."
"Well," Samuel said, shaking his head, "he should be. If you don't mind, I'll walk you home."
She accepted his offer thankfully, so they took the cable-car together. When they walked up the path to her little house they saw a light there; her husband had arrived before her.
She gratefully accepted his offer, so they took the cable car together. As they walked up the path to her small house, they noticed a light on; her husband had gotten there before her.
"He's frightfully jealous," she announced, laughingly apologetic.
"He's really jealous," she said, laughing as she apologized.
"Very well," answered Samuel, rather stiffly. "I'd better leave you here."
"Alright," Samuel replied, a bit awkwardly. "I should probably leave you here."
She thanked him and, waving a good night, he left her.
She thanked him, waved goodnight, and he left her.
That would have been quite all if they hadn't met on Fifth Avenue one morning a week later. She started and blushed and seemed so glad to see him that they chatted like old friends. She was going to her dressmaker's, eat lunch alone at Taine's, shop all afternoon, and meet her husband on the ferry at five. Samuel told her that her husband was a very lucky man. She blushed again and scurried off.
That would have been fine if they hadn't run into each other on Fifth Avenue one morning a week later. She gasped and blushed, and seemed so happy to see him that they talked like old friends. She was heading to her dressmaker's, planning to have lunch alone at Taine's, shop all afternoon, and meet her husband on the ferry at five. Samuel told her that her husband was a very lucky man. She blushed again and hurried off.
Samuel whistled all the way back to his office, but about twelve o'clock he began to see that pathetic, appealing little mouth everywhere—and those brown eyes. He fidgeted when he looked at the clock; he thought of the grill down-stairs where he lunched and the heavy male conversation thereof, and opposed to that picture appeared another; a little table at Taine's with the brown eyes and the mouth a few feet away. A few minutes before twelve-thirty he dashed on his hat and rushed for the cable-car.
Samuel whistled all the way back to his office, but around noon he started to see that sad, cute little mouth everywhere—and those brown eyes. He fidgeted every time he looked at the clock; he thought about the grill downstairs where he ate lunch and the heavy conversation among the guys there, and in contrast to that scene popped up another; a small table at Taine's with the brown eyes and the mouth just a few feet away. A few minutes before twelve-thirty, he grabbed his hat and hurried out to catch the cable car.
She was quite surprised to see him.
She was really surprised to see him.
"Why—hello," she said. Samuel could tell that she was just pleasantly frightened.
"Why—hello," she said. Samuel could tell that she was just a little bit scared.
"I thought we might lunch together. It's so dull eating with a lot of men."
"I thought we could have lunch together. It's so boring eating with a bunch of guys."
She hesitated.
She paused.
"Why, I suppose there's no harm in it. How could there be!"
"Well, I guess there's no harm in it. How could there be?"
It occurred to her that her husband should have taken lunch with her—but he was generally so hurried at noon. She told Samuel all about him: he was a little smaller than Samuel, but, oh, much better-looking. He was a book-keeper and not making a lot of money, but they were very happy and expected to be rich within three or four years.
It crossed her mind that her husband should have had lunch with her—but he was usually in such a rush at noon. She shared everything about him with Samuel: he was slightly shorter than Samuel, but, oh, way better-looking. He was a bookkeeper and not earning much, but they were really happy and expected to be wealthy in three or four years.
Samuel's grass-widow had been in a quarrelsome mood for three or four weeks, and through contrast, he took an accentuated pleasure in this meeting; so fresh was she, and earnest, and faintly adventurous. Her name was Marjorie.
Samuel's grass-widow had been in a bad mood for three or four weeks, and in contrast, he found a heightened enjoyment in this meeting; she was so lively, sincere, and slightly adventurous. Her name was Marjorie.
They made another engagement; in fact, for a month they lunched together two or three times a week. When she was sure that her husband would work late Samuel took her over to New Jersey on the ferry, leaving her always on the tiny front porch, after she had gone in and lit the gas to use the security of his masculine presence outside. This grew to be a ceremony—and it annoyed him. Whenever the comfortable glow fell out through the front windows, that was his congé; yet he never suggested coming in and Marjorie didn't invite him.
They set up another arrangement; in fact, for a month they had lunch together two or three times a week. When she was sure her husband would be working late, Samuel took her over to New Jersey on the ferry, always leaving her on the small front porch after she’d gone inside and turned on the gas to feel secure with his masculine presence outside. This became a ritual—and it irritated him. Whenever the warm light streamed out through the front windows, that was his cue; yet he never suggested coming in and Marjorie didn’t invite him.
Then, when Samuel and Marjorie had reached a stage in which they sometimes touched each other's arms gently, just to show that they were very good friends, Marjorie and her husband had one of those ultrasensitive, supercritical quarrels that couples never indulge in unless they care a great deal about each other. It started with a cold mutton-chop or a leak in the gas-jet—and one day Samuel found her in Taine's, with dark shadows under her brown eyes and a terrifying pout.
Then, when Samuel and Marjorie had gotten to a point where they would occasionally touch each other's arms lightly, just to show they were really good friends, Marjorie and her husband had one of those overly sensitive, highly critical arguments that couples only have when they really care about one another. It began with a cold mutton chop or a leak in the gas light—and one day Samuel found her at Taine's, with dark circles under her brown eyes and a scary pout.
By this time Samuel thought he was in love with Marjorie—so he played up the quarrel for all it was worth. He was her best friend and patted her hand—and leaned down close to her brown curls while she whispered in little sobs what her husband had said that morning; and he was a little more than her best friend when he took her over to the ferry in a hansom.
By this time, Samuel thought he was in love with Marjorie—so he made the most of their argument. He was her best friend, patted her hand, and leaned down close to her brown curls while she quietly sobbed about what her husband had said that morning; and he was a little more than just her best friend when he took her to the ferry in a cab.
"Marjorie," he said gently, when he left her, as usual, on the porch, "if at any time you want to call on me, remember that I am always waiting, always waiting."
"Marjorie," he said softly, as he left her, like always, on the porch, "if you ever want to reach out to me, just know that I’m always here, always here."
She nodded gravely and put both her hands in his. "I know," she said. "I know you're my friend, my best friend."
She nodded seriously and took both his hands in hers. "I know," she said. "I know you're my friend, my best friend."
Then she ran into the house and he watched there until the gas went on.
Then she rushed into the house, and he stood there watching until the gas turned on.
For the next week Samuel was in a nervous turmoil. Some persistently rational strain warned him that at bottom he and Marjorie had little in common, but in such cases there is usually so much mud in the water that one can seldom see to the bottom. Every dream and desire told him that he loved Marjorie, wanted her, had to have her.
For the next week, Samuel was a bundle of nerves. A part of him kept reminding him that deep down, he and Marjorie didn’t have much in common, but in situations like this, there’s often so much confusion that it’s hard to see clearly. Every dream and desire screamed that he loved Marjorie, wanted her, and needed to be with her.
The quarrel developed. Marjorie's husband took to staying in New York until late at night, came home several times disagreeably overstimulated, and made her generally miserable. They must have had too much pride to talk it out—for Marjorie's husband was, after all, pretty decent—so it drifted on from one misunderstanding to another. Marjorie kept coming more and more to Samuel; when a woman can accept masculine sympathy at is much more satisfactory to her than crying to another girl. But Marjorie didn't realize how much she had begun to rely on him, how much he was part of her little cosmos.
The argument escalated. Marjorie's husband started staying out late in New York, coming home multiple times feeling irritable and overstimulated, which made her generally unhappy. They must have had too much pride to resolve it—after all, Marjorie's husband was pretty decent—so it just continued moving from one misunderstanding to another. Marjorie increasingly turned to Samuel; for a woman, receiving male sympathy is often much more comforting than venting to another girl. But Marjorie didn't realize how much she had started to depend on him, how integral he had become to her little world.
One night, instead of turning away when Marjorie went in and lit the gas, Samuel went in, too, and they sat together on the sofa in the little parlor. He was very happy. He envied their home, and he felt that the man who neglected such a possession out of stubborn pride was a fool and unworthy of his wife. But when he kissed Marjorie for the first time she cried softly and told him to go. He sailed home on the wings of desperate excitement, quite resolved to fan this spark of romance, no matter how big the blaze or who was burned. At the time he considered that his thoughts were unselfishly of her; in a later perspective he knew that she had meant no more than the white screen in a motion picture: it was just Samuel—blind, desirous.
One night, instead of turning away when Marjorie walked in and lit the gas, Samuel went in as well, and they sat together on the sofa in the small living room. He felt really happy. He envied their home and thought that a man who ignored such a wonderful thing out of stubborn pride was foolish and undeserving of his wife. But when he kissed Marjorie for the first time, she cried softly and told him to leave. He left feeling exhilarated, determined to nurture this spark of romance, no matter how intense the flames or who got hurt. At the time, he believed his thoughts were selflessly about her; later, he realized she had meant no more than a blank screen in a movie: it was just Samuel—blind and yearning.
Next day at Taine's, when they met for lunch, Samuel dropped all pretense and made frank love to her. He had no plans, no definite intentions, except to kiss her lips again, to hold her in his arms and feel that she was very little and pathetic and lovable. . . . He took her home, and this time they kissed until both their hearts beat high—words and phrases formed on his lips.
Next day at Taine's, when they met for lunch, Samuel dropped all pretense and openly expressed his feelings for her. He had no plans, no specific intentions, except to kiss her again, to hold her in his arms and feel that she was small, vulnerable, and lovable. . . . He took her home, and this time they kissed until both their hearts raced—words and phrases formed on his lips.
And then suddenly there were steps on the porch—a hand tried the outside door. Marjorie turned dead-white.
And then suddenly there were footsteps on the porch—a hand tested the outside door. Marjorie turned pale.
"Wait!" she whispered to Samuel, in a frightened voice, but in angry impatience at the interruption he walked to the front door and threw it open.
"Wait!" she whispered to Samuel, her voice trembling with fear, but in a fit of angry impatience over the interruption, he went to the front door and flung it open.
Every one has seen such scenes on the stage—seen them so often that when they actually happen people behave very much like actors. Samuel felt that he was playing a part and the lines came quite naturally: he announced that all had a right to lead their own lives and looked at Marjorie's husband menacingly, as if daring him to doubt it. Marjorie's husband spoke of the sanctity of the home, forgetting that it hadn't seemed very holy to him lately; Samuel continued along the line of "the right to happiness"; Marjorie's husband mentioned firearms and the divorce court. Then suddenly he stopped and scrutinized both of them—Marjorie in pitiful collapse on the sofa, Samuel haranguing the furniture in a consciously heroic pose.
Everyone has seen scenes like this on stage—so often that when they actually happen, people act a lot like actors. Samuel felt like he was performing, and the lines came to him easily: he declared that everyone has the right to live their own lives and shot a threatening look at Marjorie's husband, as if challenging him to disagree. Marjorie's husband talked about the sanctity of the home, conveniently forgetting that it hadn't seemed very sacred to him lately; Samuel kept pushing the idea of "the right to happiness"; Marjorie's husband brought up guns and the divorce court. Then, all of a sudden, he paused and studied both of them—Marjorie in a pitiful slump on the sofa, Samuel passionately directing his words at the furniture in a deliberately heroic stance.
"Go up-stairs, Marjorie," he said, in a different tone.
"Go upstairs, Marjorie," he said, in a different tone.
"Stay where you are!" Samuel countered quickly.
"Stay where you are!" Samuel quickly replied.
Marjorie rose, wavered, and sat down, rose again and moved hesitatingly toward the stairs.
Marjorie got up, hesitated, and sat back down, then stood up again and made her way cautiously toward the stairs.
"Come outside," said her husband to Samuel. "I want to talk to you."
"Come outside," her husband said to Samuel. "I need to talk to you."
Samuel glanced at Marjorie, tried to get some message from her eyes; then he shut his lips and went out.
Samuel looked at Marjorie, trying to catch some message from her eyes; then he closed his lips and walked out.
There was a bright moon and when Marjorie's husband came down the steps Samuel could see plainly that he was suffering—but he felt no pity for him.
There was a bright moon, and when Marjorie's husband came down the steps, Samuel could clearly see that he was in pain—but he felt no sympathy for him.
They stood and looked at each other, a few feet apart, and the husband cleared his throat as though it were a bit husky.
They stood and looked at each other, a few feet apart, and the husband cleared his throat as if it felt a bit rough.
"That's my wife," he said quietly, and then a wild anger surged up inside him. "Damn you!" he cried—and hit Samuel in the face with all his strength.
"That's my wife," he said softly, and then a fierce anger erupted inside him. "Damn you!" he shouted—and punched Samuel in the face with all his might.
In that second, as Samuel slumped to the ground, it flashed to him that he had been hit like that twice before, and simultaneously the incident altered like a dream—he felt suddenly awake. Mechanically he sprang to his feet and squared off. The other man was waiting, fists up, a yard away, but Samuel knew that though physically he had him by several inches and many pounds, he wouldn't hit him. The situation had miraculously and entirely changed—a moment before Samuel had seemed to himself heroic; now he seemed the cad, the outsider, and Marjorie's husband, silhouetted against the lights of the little house, the eternal heroic figure, the defender of his home.
In that moment, as Samuel fell to the ground, it struck him that he had been hit like this twice before, and at the same time, the situation shifted like a dream—he felt suddenly alert. Automatically, he got to his feet and prepared to face off. The other man was waiting, fists raised, just a yard away, but Samuel knew that even though he was taller and heavier, he wouldn’t strike him. The situation had miraculously and completely changed—just a moment before, Samuel had thought of himself as heroic; now he saw himself as the jerk, the outsider, while Marjorie's husband stood there, framed by the lights of the little house, the timeless heroic figure, the protector of his home.
There was a pause and then Samuel turned quickly away and went down the path for the last time.
There was a pause, and then Samuel quickly turned away and went down the path for the last time.
IV
Of course, after the third blow Samuel put in several weeks at conscientious introspection. The blow years before at Andover had landed on his personal unpleasantness; the workman of his college days had jarred the snobbishness out of his system, and Marjorie's husband had given a severe jolt to his greedy selfishness. It threw women out of his ken until a year later, when he met his future wife; for the only sort of woman worth while seemed to be the one who could be protected as Marjorie's husband had protected her. Samuel could not imagine his grass-widow, Mrs. De Ferriac, causing any very righteous blows on her own account.
Of course, after the third hit, Samuel spent several weeks seriously reflecting on himself. The hit years earlier at Andover had targeted his personal flaws; the experience with some workers during college had shaken the snob out of him, and Marjorie's husband had dealt a harsh blow to his greedy selfishness. This led him to ignore women for a year until he met his future wife; the only kind of woman that seemed worthwhile was one who could be protected, like Marjorie's husband had protected her. Samuel couldn’t imagine his estranged spouse, Mrs. De Ferriac, inflicting any significant blows on her own.
His early thirties found him well on his feet. He was associated with old Peter Carhart, who was in those days a national figure. Carhart's physique was like a rough model for a statue of Hercules, and his record was just as solid—a pile made for the pure joy of it, without cheap extortion or shady scandal. He had been a great friend of Samuel's father, but he watched the son for six years before taking him into his own office. Heaven knows how many things he controlled at that time—mines, railroads, banks, whole cities. Samuel was very close to him, knew his likes and dislikes, his prejudices, weaknesses and many strengths.
In his early thirties, he was doing quite well. He was working with old Peter Carhart, who was a well-known figure at the time. Carhart's build was like a rough draft for a statue of Hercules, and his reputation was equally impressive—a legacy created for the pure joy of it, without any shady dealings or scandal. He had been a close friend of Samuel's father, but he observed the son for six years before inviting him into his own office. Who knows how many things he managed at that time—mines, railroads, banks, entire cities. Samuel was very close to him, aware of his preferences, dislikes, biases, weaknesses, and many strengths.
One day Carhart sent for Samuel and, closing the door of his inner office, offered him a chair and a cigar.
One day, Carhart called for Samuel and, shutting the door to his inner office, offered him a chair and a cigar.
"Everything O. K., Samuel?" he asked.
"Is everything okay, Samuel?" he asked.
"Why, yes."
"Yes."
"I've been afraid you're getting a bit stale."
"I've been worried that you might be getting a bit boring."
"Stale?" Samuel was puzzled.
"Stale?" Samuel was confused.
"You've done no work outside the office for nearly ten years?"
"You haven't worked outside the office for almost ten years?"
"But I've had vacations, in the Adiron——"
"But I've had vacations in the Adirondacks—"
Carhart waved this aside.
Carhart dismissed this.
"I mean outside work. Seeing the things move that we've always pulled the strings of here."
"I mean outside of work. Watching the things move that we've always controlled here."
"No," admitted Samuel; "I haven't."
"No," Samuel admitted; "I haven't."
"So," he said abruptly "I'm going to give you an outside job that'll take about a month."
"So," he said suddenly, "I'm going to assign you an outside job that should take about a month."
Samuel didn't argue. He rather liked the idea and he made up his mind that, whatever it was, he would put it through just as Carhart wanted it. That was his employer's greatest hobby, and the men around him were as dumb under direct orders as infantry subalterns.
Samuel didn't argue. He actually liked the idea and decided that, no matter what it was, he would carry it out just as Carhart wanted. That was his boss's biggest passion, and the men around him were as clueless under direct orders as junior officers.
"You'll go to San Antonio and see Hamil," continued Carhart. "He's got a job on hand and he wants a man to take charge."
"You'll head to San Antonio and meet Hamil," Carhart continued. "He has a project in mind and needs someone to oversee it."
Hamil was in charge of the Carhart interests in the Southwest, a man who had grown up in the shadow of his employer, and with whom, though they had never met, Samuel had had much official correspondence.
Hamil was responsible for the Carhart interests in the Southwest, a man who had grown up under the influence of his employer, and with whom, although they had never met, Samuel had exchanged a lot of official correspondence.
"When do I leave?"
"When do I go?"
"You'd better go to-morrow," answered Carhart, glancing at the calendar. "That's the 1st of May. I'll expect your report here on the 1st of June."
"You should go tomorrow," Carhart replied, looking at the calendar. "That's May 1st. I'll be expecting your report here on June 1st."
Next morning Samuel left for Chicago, and two days later he was facing Hamil across a table in the office of the Merchants' Trust in San Antonio. It didn't take long to get the gist of the thing. It was a big deal in oil which concerned the buying up of seventeen huge adjoining ranches. This buying up had to be done in one week, and it was a pure squeeze. Forces had been set in motion that put the seventeen owners between the devil and the deep sea, and Samuel's part was simply to "handle" the matter from a little village near Pueblo. With tact and efficiency the right man could bring it off without any friction, for it was merely a question of sitting at the wheel and keeping a firm hold. Hamil, with an astuteness many times valuable to his chief, had arranged a situation that would give a much greater clear gain than any dealing in the open market. Samuel shook hands with Hamil, arranged to return in two weeks, and left for San Felipe, New Mexico.
The next morning, Samuel headed to Chicago, and two days later, he found himself across the table from Hamil at the Merchants' Trust office in San Antonio. It didn't take long to understand the situation. It involved a major oil deal concerning the purchase of seventeen large neighboring ranches. This acquisition had to be completed within a week, and it was a tight squeeze. Forces had been set in motion that left the seventeen owners in a tough spot, and Samuel's role was simply to "manage" the situation from a small village near Pueblo. With the right approach and efficiency, the right person could handle it smoothly, as it was just a matter of taking control and maintaining a steady grip. Hamil, with a cleverness that was often invaluable to his boss, had created a scenario that promised a much greater profit than any transactions in the open market. Samuel shook hands with Hamil, arranged to come back in two weeks, and then left for San Felipe, New Mexico.
It occurred to him, of course, that Carhart was trying him out. Hamil's report on his handling of this might be a factor in something big for him, but even without that he would have done his best to put the thing through. Ten years in New York hadn't made him sentimental and he was quite accustomed to finish everything he began—and a little bit more.
It crossed his mind, of course, that Carhart was testing him. Hamil's evaluation of how he managed this could impact something significant for him, but even without that, he would have done his best to see it through. Ten years in New York hadn’t made him sentimental, and he was used to completing everything he started—and then some.
All went well at first. There was no enthusiasm, but each one of the seventeen ranchers concerned knew Samuel's business, knew what he had behind him, and that they had as little chance of holding out as flies on a window-pane. Some of them were resigned—some of them cared like the devil, but they'd talked it over, argued it with lawyers and couldn't see any possible loophole. Five of the ranches had oil, the other twelve were part of the chance, but quite as necessary to Hamil's purpose, in any event.
Everything started off fine. There wasn't much excitement, but each of the seventeen ranchers involved understood Samuel's business, knew what he had going for him, and realized they had about as much chance of resisting as flies on a window. Some were resigned to it—some were really upset, but they had discussed it, debated it with lawyers, and couldn't find any potential escape. Five of the ranches had oil, while the other twelve were also part of the gamble, but just as crucial to Hamil's goals, regardless.
Samuel soon saw that the real leader was an early settler named McIntyre, a man of perhaps fifty, gray-haired, clean-shaven, bronzed by forty New Mexico summers, and with those clear steady eye that Texas and New Mexico weather are apt to give. His ranch had not as yet shown oil, but it was in the pool, and if any man hated to lose his land McIntyre did. Every one had rather looked to him at first to avert the big calamity, and he had hunted all over the territory for the legal means with which to do it, but he had failed, and he knew it. He avoided Samuel assiduously, but Samuel was sure that when the day came for the signatures he would appear.
Samuel soon realized that the real leader was an early settler named McIntyre, a man around fifty years old, gray-haired, clean-shaven, tanned from forty summers in New Mexico, with those clear, steady eyes that Texas and New Mexico weather often gives. His ranch hadn't yet yielded oil, but it was in the pool, and if any man hated to lose his land, it was McIntyre. Everyone initially looked to him to prevent the disaster, and he had searched throughout the territory for legal ways to achieve that, but he had failed, and he knew it. He kept his distance from Samuel, but Samuel was certain that when the time came for the signatures, he would show up.
It came—a baking May day, with hot wave rising off the parched land as far as eyes could see, and as Samuel sat stewing in his little improvised office—a few chairs, a bench, and a wooden table—he was glad the thing was almost over. He wanted to get back East the worst way, and join his wife and children for a week at the seashore.
It arrived—a scorching May day, with heat waves rising off the dry land as far as the eye could see. Samuel, sitting in his makeshift office—a few chairs, a bench, and a wooden table—was relieved that it was nearly over. He desperately wanted to head back East and spend a week at the beach with his wife and kids.
The meeting was set for four o'clock, and he was rather surprised at three-thirty when the door opened and McIntyre came in. Samuel could not help respecting the man's attitude, and feeling a bit sorry for him. McIntyre seemed closely related to the prairies, and Samuel had the little flicker of envy that city people feel toward men who live in the open.
The meeting was scheduled for four o'clock, and he was a bit surprised at three-thirty when the door opened and McIntyre walked in. Samuel couldn't help but respect the man's demeanor and felt a little sorry for him. McIntyre seemed very connected to the prairies, and Samuel experienced that small twinge of envy that city folks often feel toward those who live in the great outdoors.
"Afternoon," said McIntyre, standing in the open doorway, with his feet apart and his hands on his hips.
"Afternoon," said McIntyre, standing in the open doorway, with his feet apart and his hands on his hips.
"Hello, Mr. McIntyre." Samuel rose, but omitted the formality of offering his hand. He imagined the rancher cordially loathed him, and he hardly blamed him. McIntyre came in and sat down leisurely.
"Hey, Mr. McIntyre." Samuel stood up but skipped the formality of extending his hand. He figured the rancher genuinely disliked him, and he couldn't really blame him. McIntyre walked in and took a seat casually.
"You got us," he said suddenly.
"You caught us," he said out of nowhere.
This didn't seem to require any answer.
This didn't seem to need any response.
"When I heard Carhart was back of this," he continued, "I gave up."
"When I heard Carhart was behind this," he continued, "I gave up."
"Mr. Carhart is——" began Samuel, but McIntyre waved him silent.
"Mr. Carhart is——" started Samuel, but McIntyre motioned for him to be quiet.
"Don't talk about the dirty sneak-thief!"
"Don't talk about that sneaky thief!"
"Mr. McIntyre," said Samuel briskly, "if this half-hour is to be devoted to that sort of talk——"
"Mr. McIntyre," Samuel said quickly, "if we’re going to spend this half-hour talking about that—"
"Oh, dry up, young man," McIntyre interrupted, "you can't abuse a man who'd do a thing like this."
"Oh, quit it, young man," McIntyre interrupted, "you can't insult someone who would do something like this."
Samuel made no answer.
Samuel didn't reply.
"It's simply a dirty filch. There just are skunks like him too big to handle."
"It's just a dirty theft. There are definitely skunks like him that are too big to deal with."
"You're being paid liberally," offered Samuel.
"You're getting paid well," said Samuel.
"Shut up!" roared McIntyre suddenly. "I want the privilege of talking." He walked to the door and looked out across the land, the sunny, steaming pasturage that began almost at his feet and ended with the gray-green of the distant mountains. When he turned around his mouth was trembling.
"Shut up!" shouted McIntyre suddenly. "I want to have the chance to talk." He walked to the door and looked out across the land, the sunny, steamy pasture that started almost at his feet and stretched to the gray-green of the faraway mountains. When he turned around, his mouth was quivering.
"Do you fellows love Wall Street?" he said hoarsely, "or wherever you do your dirty scheming——" He paused. "I suppose you do. No critter gets so low that he doesn't sort of love the place he's worked, where he's sweated out the best he's had in him."
"Do you guys love Wall Street?" he said hoarsely, "or wherever you do your shady planning——" He paused. "I guess you do. No one gets so low that they don't kind of love the place they've worked, where they've put in their best effort."
Samuel watched him awkwardly. McIntyre wiped his forehead with a huge blue handkerchief, and continued:
Samuel watched him uncomfortably. McIntyre wiped his forehead with a large blue handkerchief and kept going:
"I reckon this rotten old devil had to have another million. I reckon we're just a few of the poor he's blotted out to buy a couple more carriages or something." He waved his hand toward the door. "I built a house out there when I was seventeen, with these two hands. I took a wife there at twenty-one, added two wings, and with four mangy steers I started out. Forty summers I've saw the sun come up over those mountains and drop down red as blood in the evening, before the heat drifted off and the stars came out. I been happy in that house. My boy was born there and he died there, late one spring, in the hottest part of an afternoon like this. Then the wife and I lived there alone like we'd lived before, and sort of tried to have a home, after all, not a real home but nigh it—cause the boy always seemed around close, somehow, and we expected a lot of nights to see him runnin' up the path to supper." His voice was shaking so he could hardly speak and he turned again to the door, his gray eyes contracted.
"I figure this worthless old guy had to get another million. I guess we're just a few of the poor folks he's trampled on to buy a couple more carriages or something." He gestured toward the door. "I built a house out there when I was seventeen, with these two hands. I took a wife there at twenty-one, added two wings, and with four scruffy steers I got started. For forty summers, I've watched the sun rise over those mountains and set down red as blood in the evening, before the heat faded and the stars came out. I was happy in that house. My son was born there and he died there, late one spring, on one of those sweltering afternoons. Then my wife and I lived there alone like we did before and tried to have a home, not a real home but nearly one—because the boy always felt nearby, somehow, and we expected a lot of nights to see him running up the path for dinner." His voice trembled so much he could hardly speak, and he turned back to the door, his gray eyes squinting.
"That's my land out there," he said, stretching out his arm, "my land, by God— It's all I got in the world—and ever wanted." He dashed his sleeve across his face, and his tone changed as he turned slowly and faced Samuel. "But I suppose it's got to go when they want it—it's got to go."
"That's my land out there," he said, extending his arm, "my land, damn it— It's all I have in the world—and all I've ever wanted." He wiped his face with his sleeve, and his tone shifted as he slowly turned to face Samuel. "But I guess it has to go when they want it—it's got to go."
Samuel had to talk. He felt that in a minute more he would lose his head. So he began, as level-voiced as he could—in the sort of tone he saved for disagreeable duties.
Samuel had to speak. He sensed that in just a minute, he would lose control. So he started, trying to keep his voice steady—in the kind of tone he reserved for unpleasant tasks.
"It's business, Mr. McIntyre," he said. "It's inside the law. Perhaps we couldn't have bought out two or three of you at any price, but most of you did have a price. Progress demands some things——"
"It's business, Mr. McIntyre," he said. "It's legal. Maybe we couldn't have bought out two or three of you for any amount, but most of you had a price. Progress requires certain sacrifices——"
Never had he felt so inadequate, and it was with the greatest relief that he heard hoof-beats a few hundred yards away.
Never had he felt so inadequate, and it was with immense relief that he heard hoofbeats a few hundred yards away.
But at his words the grief in McIntyre's eyes had changed to fury.
But at his words, the grief in McIntyre's eyes turned to anger.
"You and your dirty gang of crooks!" he cried. "Not one of you has got an honest love for anything on God's earth! You're a herd of money-swine!"
"You and your filthy crew of criminals!" he shouted. "Not one of you has an ounce of genuine love for anything on this planet! You're a bunch of money-hungry pigs!"
Samuel rose and McIntyre took a step toward him.
Samuel got up, and McIntyre stepped closer to him.
"You long-winded dude. You got our land—take that for Peter Carhart!"
"You talk too much, man. You took our land—just remember that for Peter Carhart!"
He swung from the shoulder quick as lightning and down went Samuel in a heap. Dimly he heard steps in the doorway and knew that some one was holding McIntyre, but there was no need. The rancher had sunk down in his chair, and dropped his head in his hands.
He swung from the shoulder as fast as lightning, and down went Samuel in a heap. He faintly heard footsteps in the doorway and realized someone was holding McIntyre, but it wasn’t necessary. The rancher had slumped down in his chair and buried his head in his hands.
Samuel's brain was whirring. He realized that the fourth fist had hit him, and a great flood of emotion cried out that the law that had inexorably ruled his life was in motion again. In a half-daze he got up and strode from the room.
Samuel's mind was racing. He realized that the fourth punch had landed, and a wave of emotion surged through him, reminding him that the rule that had consistently governed his life was at play once more. In a daze, he stood up and walked out of the room.
The next ten minutes were perhaps the hardest of his life. People talk of the courage of convictions, but in actual life a man's duty to his family may make a rigid corpse seem a selfish indulgence of his own righteousness. Samuel thought mostly of his family, yet he never really wavered. That jolt had brought him to.
The next ten minutes were possibly the toughest of his life. People talk about having the courage of their beliefs, but in reality, a man's responsibility to his family can make a lifeless body seem like a self-centered indulgence in his own sense of right. Samuel primarily thought about his family, yet he never truly faltered. That shock had brought him back to reality.
When he came back in the room there were a log of worried faces waiting for him, but he didn't waste any time explaining.
When he walked back into the room, there were a lot of worried faces waiting for him, but he didn't take any time to explain.
"Gentlemen," he said, "Mr. McIntyre has been kind enough to convince me that in this matter you are absolutely right and the Peter Carhart interests absolutely wrong. As far as I am concerned you can keep your ranches to the rest of your days."
"Gentlemen," he said, "Mr. McIntyre has been nice enough to convince me that in this situation you are completely right and the Peter Carhart interests are completely wrong. As far as I'm concerned, you can keep your ranches for the rest of your lives."
He pushed his way through an astounded gathering, and within a half-hour he had sent two telegrams that staggered the operator into complete unfitness for business; one was to Hamil in San Antonio; one was to Peter Carhart in New York.
He made his way through a shocked crowd, and in less than thirty minutes, he sent two telegrams that left the operator completely overwhelmed; one was to Hamil in San Antonio, and the other was to Peter Carhart in New York.
Samuel didn't sleep much that night. He knew that for the first time in his business career he had made a dismal, miserable failure. But some instinct in him, stronger than will, deeper than training, had forced him to do what would probably end his ambitions and his happiness. But it was done and it never occurred to him that he could have acted otherwise.
Samuel didn't get much sleep that night. He realized that for the first time in his career, he had experienced a terrible failure. But some instinct within him, stronger than his will and deeper than his training, compelled him to do something that would likely ruin his ambitions and happiness. But it was done, and he never thought that he could have acted differently.
Next morning two telegrams were waiting for him. The first was from Hamil. It contained three words:
Next morning, two telegrams were waiting for him. The first was from Hamil. It had three words:
"You blamed idiot!"
"You blamed an idiot!"
The second was from New York:
The second one was from New York:
"Deal off come to New York immediately Carhart."
"Deal is off; come to New York immediately, Carhart."
Within a week things had happened. Hamil quarrelled furiously and violently defended his scheme. He was summoned to New York and spent a bad half-hour on the carpet in Peter Carhart's office. He broke with the Carhart interests in July, and in August Samuel Meredith, at thirty-five years old, was, to all intents, made Carhart's partner. The fourth fist had done its work.
Within a week, things changed. Hamil argued fiercely and defended his plan aggressively. He was called to New York and had a tough half-hour in Peter Carhart's office. He parted ways with the Carhart interests in July, and by August, Samuel Meredith, at thirty-five, was practically made Carhart's partner. The fourth fist had done its job.
I suppose that there's a caddish streak in every man that runs crosswise across his character and disposition and general outlook. With some men it's secret and we never know it's there until they strike us in the dark one night. But Samuel's showed when it was in action, and the sight of it made people see red. He was rather lucky in that, because every time his little devil came up it met a reception that sent it scurrying down below in a sickly, feeble condition. It was the same devil, the same streak that made him order Gilly's friends off the bed, that made him go inside Marjorie's house.
I think every guy has a jerk side that runs through his character, personality, and overall outlook. With some guys, it’s hidden, and we only discover it when they catch us off guard one night. But Samuel’s jerk side was obvious when it showed up, and seeing it made people furious. He was somewhat fortunate because every time his little devil came out, it faced a reaction that made it retreat weakly. It was the same devil, the same streak that made him kick Gilly's friends off the bed and compelled him to enter Marjorie's house.
If you could run your hand along Samuel Meredith's jaw you'd feel a lump. He admits he's never been sure which fist left it there, but he wouldn't lose it for anything. He says there's no cad like an old cad, and that sometimes just before making a decision, it's a great help to stroke his chin. The reporters call it a nervous characteristic, but it's not that. It's so he can feel again the gorgeous clarity, the lightning sanity of those four fists.
If you ran your hand along Samuel Meredith's jaw, you'd feel a bump. He admits he's never been sure which fist caused it, but he wouldn't trade it for anything. He says there’s no scoundrel like an old scoundrel, and that sometimes just before making a decision, it's really helpful to stroke his chin. The reporters call it a nervous habit, but it’s not that. It’s so he can feel again the beautiful clarity, the sudden sharpness of those four fists.
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